Comments on: The Truth Is Sexy http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/communication/the-truth-is-sexy/ Marriage & Relationship Advice From Rori Raye Sat, 31 Jul 2010 00:37:58 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=9505 By: peggy http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/communication/the-truth-is-sexy/comment-page-3/#comment-8553 peggy Fri, 17 Apr 2009 00:06:31 +0000 http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/?p=172#comment-8553 a friendship doesn't feel good for me at this time in my life.I want more,a committed relationship,cherished and loved.I listen to your words and"Peg you deserve better than I give."i feel sad, my heart loved your heart ,now I feel tired giving more than I should have.My soul longs to receive love from the universe and my heart ,Well I feel just yuck and I suppose this is a start a friendship doesn’t feel good for me at this time in my life.I want more,a committed relationship,cherished and loved.I listen to your words and”Peg you deserve better than I give.”i feel sad, my heart loved your heart ,now I feel tired giving more than I should have.My soul longs to receive love from the universe and my heart ,Well I feel just yuck and I suppose this is a start

]]> By: cookie http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/communication/the-truth-is-sexy/comment-page-3/#comment-3529 cookie Mon, 12 Jan 2009 16:09:12 +0000 http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/?p=172#comment-3529 You guys are right, I don't know why I'm dragging my feet with the riff thing. I'm so getting all this stuff and I honestly am angry about his behavior but on the other hand I don't really care. I'm tired of explaining and feeling bad. I'm ready to exercise my boundaries. I'm ready to decide what they are and trust them so I can be soft on the outside and invite many men to love me again. He called me and left a long message about how he wanted to see me and I was the one playing around. The whole reverse psychology nonsense. I don't really want to respond to him at all right now. I will try this riffing thing. thank you guys for the feedback. You guys are right, I don’t know why I’m dragging my feet with the riff thing. I’m so getting all this stuff and I honestly am angry about his behavior but on the other hand I don’t really care. I’m tired of explaining and feeling bad. I’m ready to exercise my boundaries. I’m ready to decide what they are and trust them so I can be soft on the outside and invite many men to love me again. He called me and left a long message about how he wanted to see me and I was the one playing around. The whole reverse psychology nonsense. I don’t really want to respond to him at all right now. I will try this riffing thing. thank you guys for the feedback.

]]> By: Caj13 http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/communication/the-truth-is-sexy/comment-page-3/#comment-3524 Caj13 Mon, 12 Jan 2009 13:46:10 +0000 http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/?p=172#comment-3524 Hi Cookie, I feel Daria's and Tracy's encouragements to actually riff - on here if you want to - will help you to Really Feel all those feelings in all their horribleness (and not just Think about/judge them). I feel a lot of beating yourself up, putting yourself down in what you wrote and that doesn't feel good, does it? When you get all those feelings out and down, on paper or screen, in all their horrid details, they'll actually be easing out of your body through your arms and hands. And as they spiral around within you, I feel you'll find the words to say to your man (or any man) AS he is dissing, pushing you away, hurting you in any way. After riffing to a place where the feelings have dissipated a little and you feel better, the words will remain for you to use when you need them, that is in the moment of the offense. Armed with those words, you'll also feel stronger, so that if you feel they are not enough for the situation or you just don't want to bother with such nonsense, you'll feel the strength to just walk away or turn around AND START DOING something TO PLEASE YOU. Many of your comments feel like Feeling Messages to Yourself - I feel like I just want to hug you and say SEE! Listen to your Siren: "I’ve been wanting to see other people for a while"! However, I feel the end of the sentence needs tweaking "but not sure how to bring it up" Make this About Yourself - how to start the process of seeing others (Diva-Dating) for you, and definitely NOT about him in any way, such as announcement or discussion. Just do it, lock eyes and smile, accept a coffee date - the details will work themselves out as you feel your way through them. Remember this is both therapy for your hurt and practice for all your relationships, including the most important one of all, with your vibrant Goddess Self. I can feel your disgust, confusion and shakiness about his behavior. I believe Rori said we're likely to encounter his anger when we start "challenging" the status quo, and that this is actually a good thing (there was a post or 2 about it). Till now, his upset makes me feel really bad (to the point of paralysis, then overfonctioning to assuage his bobos) and yet, this compassion is misdirected: the whole problem is is only happening because We have been ignored, disrespected, wounded to the core and just can't take it any more. As far as his discomfort or issues, that's His problem, and he can deal with it as he may. We have far too much to do and be to take care of our maligned self. I feel he Cannot know how to do it (take care of us), unless he learns by observing us, and feeling our vibe as it improves with Tender Loving Care. *Hugs* Hi Cookie, I feel Daria’s and Tracy’s encouragements to actually riff – on here if you want to – will help you to Really Feel all those feelings in all their horribleness (and not just Think about/judge them). I feel a lot of beating yourself up, putting yourself down in what you wrote and that doesn’t feel good, does it? When you get all those feelings out and down, on paper or screen, in all their horrid details, they’ll actually be easing out of your body through your arms and hands. And as they spiral around within you, I feel you’ll find the words to say to your man (or any man) AS he is dissing, pushing you away, hurting you in any way. After riffing to a place where the feelings have dissipated a little and you feel better, the words will remain for you to use when you need them, that is in the moment of the offense. Armed with those words, you’ll also feel stronger, so that if you feel they are not enough for the situation or you just don’t want to bother with such nonsense, you’ll feel the strength to just walk away or turn around AND START DOING something TO PLEASE YOU. Many of your comments feel like Feeling Messages to Yourself – I feel like I just want to hug you and say SEE! Listen to your Siren: “I’ve been wanting to see other people for a while”! However, I feel the end of the sentence needs tweaking “but not sure how to bring it up” Make this About Yourself – how to start the process of seeing others (Diva-Dating) for you, and definitely NOT about him in any way, such as announcement or discussion. Just do it, lock eyes and smile, accept a coffee date – the details will work themselves out as you feel your way through them. Remember this is both therapy for your hurt and practice for all your relationships, including the most important one of all, with your vibrant Goddess Self.

I can feel your disgust, confusion and shakiness about his behavior. I believe Rori said we’re likely to encounter his anger when we start “challenging” the status quo, and that this is actually a good thing (there was a post or 2 about it). Till now, his upset makes me feel really bad (to the point of paralysis, then overfonctioning to assuage his bobos) and yet, this compassion is misdirected: the whole problem is is only happening because We have been ignored, disrespected, wounded to the core and just can’t take it any more. As far as his discomfort or issues, that’s His problem, and he can deal with it as he may. We have far too much to do and be to take care of our maligned self. I feel he Cannot know how to do it (take care of us), unless he learns by observing us, and feeling our vibe as it improves with Tender Loving Care. *Hugs*

]]> By: Tracy http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/communication/the-truth-is-sexy/comment-page-3/#comment-3517 Tracy Mon, 12 Jan 2009 05:40:28 +0000 http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/?p=172#comment-3517 cookie, i agree with daria,riffing realy helps i can attest to that from my own experience..........Just try letting out all the feelings that u have inside,don't think about it don't make any decisions,don't try to look for explanations just feel the anger the frustration.....with time you will find the answers in those feelings and then you'l know the best way forward.It really works... cookie,
i agree with daria,riffing realy helps i can attest to that from my own experience……….Just try letting out all the feelings that u have inside,don’t think about it don’t make any decisions,don’t try to look for explanations just feel the anger the frustration…..with time you will find the answers in those feelings and then you’l know the best way forward.It really works…

]]> By: Cookie http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/communication/the-truth-is-sexy/comment-page-3/#comment-3515 Cookie Mon, 12 Jan 2009 04:28:02 +0000 http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/?p=172#comment-3515 But I feel like I have to say something now for real. He is being such an ass instead of saying he doesn't want to see me or cancel plans with me once he made them he picks fights with me so he can go do what he wants to do or not step up and say no. I feel like a fool. I feel like if I'm not saying anything than I am giving off the impression that it didn't hurt me or I don't care. Is that right? I have always heard that a man only treats you the way you let him, that you have to punish him and make him feel it if he hurts you. I know Rori says not to make the man wrong, that as a human he has a right to do whatever he chooses to do. And that I should use his behavior as a means of seeing where I am in this "relationship" with him. I got that. I know that I really don't have to explain to him that saying he would go on a trip with me and then back out by being such an ass that I would go without him or inviting me to come to visit him and then ten minutes before it's time for me to come decides to pick a fight with me so that I won't come and he can do what he wants. I know that he knows that these are not appropriate ways to handle me. But he has done this all week, some variation of pulling out, and I wish he would just let it go, if his heart isn't in it, then I wish he would just go and stop making excuses and talking shit cuz i don't want to hear that he loves and misses me and then the one day he's off to spend time with me, he blows me off. I want to do what I don't ordinarily do, i feel so pissed that I was allowing myself to feel hopeful about the direction of our relationship. I feel so disgusted that despite the fact that he hung up on me, I called him. I feel judged when he says his mother is tough, like he is saying I am weak. (though the whole basis of our relationship has been me nurturing the void that his lack of relationship with his mom created) I feel foolish, stupid that i chose to continue sharing my love and life with him even though when I met him he told me that it was all about him. I feel stubborn and egotistical to believe that I could love all his issues away. I feel spent and tossed aside. I feel like I'm not making as much progress as I should be making with Rori's tools although I believe in them so much. I really don't know what to do but I want more love for myself than this, I really do. I know he will call what do I say now that he has done this again. Please help me. But I feel like I have to say something now for real. He is being such an ass instead of saying he doesn’t want to see me or cancel plans with me once he made them he picks fights with me so he can go do what he wants to do or not step up and say no. I feel like a fool. I feel like if I’m not saying anything than I am giving off the impression that it didn’t hurt me or I don’t care. Is that right? I have always heard that a man only treats you the way you let him, that you have to punish him and make him feel it if he hurts you. I know Rori says not to make the man wrong, that as a human he has a right to do whatever he chooses to do. And that I should use his behavior as a means of seeing where I am in this “relationship” with him. I got that. I know that I really don’t have to explain to him that saying he would go on a trip with me and then back out by being such an ass that I would go without him or inviting me to come to visit him and then ten minutes before it’s time for me to come decides to pick a fight with me so that I won’t come and he can do what he wants. I know that he knows that these are not appropriate ways to handle me. But he has done this all week, some variation of pulling out, and I wish he would just let it go, if his heart isn’t in it, then I wish he would just go and stop making excuses and talking shit cuz i don’t want to hear that he loves and misses me and then the one day he’s off to spend time with me, he blows me off. I want to do what I don’t ordinarily do, i feel so pissed that I was allowing myself to feel hopeful about the direction of our relationship. I feel so disgusted that despite the fact that he hung up on me, I called him. I feel judged when he says his mother is tough, like he is saying I am weak. (though the whole basis of our relationship has been me nurturing the void that his lack of relationship with his mom created) I feel foolish, stupid that i chose to continue sharing my love and life with him even though when I met him he told me that it was all about him. I feel stubborn and egotistical to believe that I could love all his issues away. I feel spent and tossed aside. I feel like I’m not making as much progress as I should be making with Rori’s tools although I believe in them so much. I really don’t know what to do but I want more love for myself than this, I really do. I know he will call what do I say now that he has done this again. Please help me.

]]> By: Daria http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/communication/the-truth-is-sexy/comment-page-3/#comment-3496 Daria Sun, 11 Jan 2009 22:49:36 +0000 http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/?p=172#comment-3496 Hi Cookie, I would try riffing out the bad feelings... amazingly this works for me when almost nothing else does. It's incredible how I can get to a good feeling in the end. The way it works is in Rori's power and self esteem posts. Mostly you say something like "I feel so bad" Then look at where that shows up in your body as in " I feel my head hurting on the left side and my tummy heavy" and then you say that you love that feeling or part "I love my hurting head and heavy tummy" and then allow that feeling to change... how does that feel? often it might feel like "I feel a little smile forming" and "I love my smile" and "that feels..." this really works even (especially) when you feel so down that it seems you must make a decision or "figure it out" Rori calls that "problem solving mode" and doesn't want us to go into it... Hi Cookie,

I would try riffing out the bad feelings… amazingly this works for me when almost nothing else does. It’s incredible how I can get to a good feeling in the end.

The way it works is in Rori’s power and self esteem posts.

Mostly you say something like “I feel so bad” Then look at where that shows up in your body as in ” I feel my head hurting on the left side and my tummy heavy” and then you say that you love that feeling or part “I love my hurting head and heavy tummy” and then allow that feeling to change… how does that feel? often it might feel like “I feel a little smile forming” and “I love my smile” and “that feels…”

this really works even (especially) when you feel so down that it seems you must make a decision or “figure it out” Rori calls that “problem solving mode” and doesn’t want us to go into it…

]]> By: Cookie http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/communication/the-truth-is-sexy/comment-page-3/#comment-3490 Cookie Sun, 11 Jan 2009 18:15:43 +0000 http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/?p=172#comment-3490 I have a question and I hope someone will find it on here. So most of you guys know about my situation with my guy. He is giving signs and maybe even saying words. He said "he can do bad by himself" or "he doesn't need a girlfriend, he likes me in his life but he doesn't need me, he loves me, misses me, still sees me as his wife (but won't bring up the topic of marriage ever since his first proposal)". Sounds like he's just trying to be my friend, if that. My friend told me to take these as signs to move on and do me. The past few days we have been distant and it triggers all type of stuff in me. I've been crying alot and dragging myself around, I got sick. I have all these feelings in me that I'm trying to connect to. I'm still having a hard time speaking them. I'm trying to relax and take my energy off of him but my heart is breaking and I'm so hurt. I've been with this man for 7 years and we've been through it all. I feel so disappointed that after all this time I'm living with my mom (she moved in with me) because we're not moving forward. He invited me to move in with him at his mom's house, I can't live there. I want us to have our own life. I want to save so I can own my own piece of property. I can't afford to this alone right now. I felt hopeful that now that he has the resources that we would be able to get our own place and have the life he promised me. But it's not that way, he is pulling way, his focus is on himself, his goals, and I feel like I'm not in the equation at all. I don't understand how focusing on himself means neglecting me, I've always pursued my goals and been committed to the relationship. My friend tells me that because he is starting a little later in life that maybe this is just his time to do him so he can finally feel good about himself. I agree and I want him to be happy but why can't we enjoy these steps together. We started this journey into adulthood together when we didn't have much to speak of, now that things are finally equalizing why does that mean that we can't keep growing in each other presence. I feel in my heart that allowing him his space to grow and show up as my man in his own way when he is ready is what's best for the relationship. But how do this without being resentful or fearful that once he has this space or this new toy that he won't forget about me. I want to be patient with the process and go slow, feel my way through, and work on me. I really see this distance as an opportunity to redirect myself. I know making myself stronger and better will be good for any relationship i have now and in the future. But that's the logical side of me talking. The emotional side is heartbroken and afraid, lonely, and raw. I feel its time for a Power Speech but I don't know what to say. I don't want to be friends with him, I want to love him and be committed to a healthy relationship. On the other hand, I've been wanting to see other people for a while but not sure how to bring it up. Sometimes I feel like I'm jumping the gun that I should just see how this plays out, like maybe this won't be as bad as I'm creating it in my mind. I feel like I sound like a weak and stupid woman. But I feel so bad right now though, what do i do? I have a question and I hope someone will find it on here. So most of you guys know about my situation with my guy. He is giving signs and maybe even saying words. He said “he can do bad by himself” or “he doesn’t need a girlfriend, he likes me in his life but he doesn’t need me, he loves me, misses me, still sees me as his wife (but won’t bring up the topic of marriage ever since his first proposal)”. Sounds like he’s just trying to be my friend, if that. My friend told me to take these as signs to move on and do me. The past few days we have been distant and it triggers all type of stuff in me. I’ve been crying alot and dragging myself around, I got sick. I have all these feelings in me that I’m trying to connect to. I’m still having a hard time speaking them. I’m trying to relax and take my energy off of him but my heart is breaking and I’m so hurt. I’ve been with this man for 7 years and we’ve been through it all. I feel so disappointed that after all this time I’m living with my mom (she moved in with me) because we’re not moving forward. He invited me to move in with him at his mom’s house, I can’t live there. I want us to have our own life. I want to save so I can own my own piece of property. I can’t afford to this alone right now. I felt hopeful that now that he has the resources that we would be able to get our own place and have the life he promised me. But it’s not that way, he is pulling way, his focus is on himself, his goals, and I feel like I’m not in the equation at all. I don’t understand how focusing on himself means neglecting me, I’ve always pursued my goals and been committed to the relationship. My friend tells me that because he is starting a little later in life that maybe this is just his time to do him so he can finally feel good about himself. I agree and I want him to be happy but why can’t we enjoy these steps together. We started this journey into adulthood together when we didn’t have much to speak of, now that things are finally equalizing why does that mean that we can’t keep growing in each other presence. I feel in my heart that allowing him his space to grow and show up as my man in his own way when he is ready is what’s best for the relationship. But how do this without being resentful or fearful that once he has this space or this new toy that he won’t forget about me. I want to be patient with the process and go slow, feel my way through, and work on me. I really see this distance as an opportunity to redirect myself. I know making myself stronger and better will be good for any relationship i have now and in the future. But that’s the logical side of me talking. The emotional side is heartbroken and afraid, lonely, and raw. I feel its time for a Power Speech but I don’t know what to say. I don’t want to be friends with him, I want to love him and be committed to a healthy relationship. On the other hand, I’ve been wanting to see other people for a while but not sure how to bring it up. Sometimes I feel like I’m jumping the gun that I should just see how this plays out, like maybe this won’t be as bad as I’m creating it in my mind. I feel like I sound like a weak and stupid woman. But I feel so bad right now though, what do i do?

]]> By: Cassandra http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/communication/the-truth-is-sexy/comment-page-3/#comment-3184 Cassandra Tue, 06 Jan 2009 18:35:28 +0000 http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/?p=172#comment-3184 Thanks TW. YOU are definitely right and I can totally understand why you feel so connected to your LI. I think that the reason that I feel so connected to Charles is that I gave up everything for him and moved here to a city that I never thought of coming to until he asked me to come here to be his wife. if I had not given up my entire life then I am not sure that I would feel this way. He has told me many times that I need him and that bothers me but I have also countered that with letting him know that there very well come a day when he will come home from being on the road and me and my things will be gone and the house will be empty and cold like it was before I got here. Isay it jokingly but there is most certainly a hint of seriousness in my tone. He however does not think that I will ever leave him. This is exactly why I do not see him turning things around and having us get married before I have to move. He totally thinks that I DO need him and will never leave our relationship no matter what he does or does not do. How wrong he is. Yes...right now I am dependent on him until I can find a good job and my own place but what he does not know is that if I do have to move then I am planning to move on with my life....without him. my fear however is that he WILL indeed figure out what he has but that he will figure it out AFTER I have either signed a lease or physically moved. That would break my heart because if I have to go thru the pain and emotional suffering of having to leave him and our home....which will hurt me so much.... for him to figure it out then I will never ever allow myself to be in another situation like that with any man...him included...again. THAT is the part that I am afraid of..that he may get it but that it would be too late. XOXO Cassandra Thanks TW. YOU are definitely right and I can totally understand why you feel so connected to your LI. I think that the reason that I feel so connected to Charles is that I gave up everything for him and moved here to a city that I never thought of coming to until he asked me to come here to be his wife. if I had not given up my entire life then I am not sure that I would feel this way. He has told me many times that I need him and that bothers me but I have also countered that with letting him know that there very well come a day when he will come home from being on the road and me and my things will be gone and the house will be empty and cold like it was before I got here. Isay it jokingly but there is most certainly a hint of seriousness in my tone. He however does not think that I will ever leave him. This is exactly why I do not see him turning things around and having us get married before I have to move. He totally thinks that I DO need him and will never leave our relationship no matter what he does or does not do. How wrong he is. Yes…right now I am dependent on him until I can find a good job and my own place but what he does not know is that if I do have to move then I am planning to move on with my life….without him. my fear however is that he WILL indeed figure out what he has but that he will figure it out AFTER I have either signed a lease or physically moved. That would break my heart because if I have to go thru the pain and emotional suffering of having to leave him and our home….which will hurt me so much…. for him to figure it out then I will never ever allow myself to be in another situation like that with any man…him included…again. THAT is the part that I am afraid of..that he may get it but that it would be too late.
XOXO
Cassandra

]]> By: TW http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/communication/the-truth-is-sexy/comment-page-3/#comment-3148 TW Tue, 06 Jan 2009 02:59:18 +0000 http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/?p=172#comment-3148 Cassandra- Charles really does not know what he has... For his sake I hope he steps up to the plate because a man would love to snatch you up and quick. He may feel as though you are dependent on him because you live with him and stuff but I will tell you a story. My love interest and I were only friends at the time all of this happened but this is when I figured out that I loved him beyond friendship. My ex husband as you know was very abusive and would owrk off and on so I was the primary breadwinner and had the kids and him and the household to worry about. He NEVER thought that I would leave him because I NEEDED him in my life. Well what I needed was a MAN and had a boy in myhouse. One day he got mad at me and packed his clothes and went to stay with his mother for the weekend. Well I was fed up and called my LI and asked his advice and would he help me and the kids move so that I could get away from him. I was out of that place by Sunday and safe. he cared enough about me to make sure that I was okay and I was. I was so scared of being alone at first but it got easier. I was worried about money and stuff but GOD provided and since then I have a better job and practically everything I want with the exception of my LI so let Charles sit there and play the fool just like my ex did and he came home to an empty house. I guess now you see why I have such a bond with my LI and it is so hard for me to let him go... Love you and NEED only you. Let him think you need him but truth be told the only man you need in life is Jesus and if worst comes to worst HE will always make sure you are taken care of. Trust me on that one... Cassandra- Charles really does not know what he has… For his sake I hope he steps up to the plate because a man would love to snatch you up and quick. He may feel as though you are dependent on him because you live with him and stuff but I will tell you a story. My love interest and I were only friends at the time all of this happened but this is when I figured out that I loved him beyond friendship. My ex husband as you know was very abusive and would owrk off and on so I was the primary breadwinner and had the kids and him and the household to worry about. He NEVER thought that I would leave him because I NEEDED him in my life. Well what I needed was a MAN and had a boy in myhouse. One day he got mad at me and packed his clothes and went to stay with his mother for the weekend. Well I was fed up and called my LI and asked his advice and would he help me and the kids move so that I could get away from him. I was out of that place by Sunday and safe. he cared enough about me to make sure that I was okay and I was. I was so scared of being alone at first but it got easier. I was worried about money and stuff but GOD provided and since then I have a better job and practically everything I want with the exception of my LI so let Charles sit there and play the fool just like my ex did and he came home to an empty house. I guess now you see why I have such a bond with my LI and it is so hard for me to let him go… Love you and NEED only you. Let him think you need him but truth be told the only man you need in life is Jesus and if worst comes to worst HE will always make sure you are taken care of. Trust me on that one…

]]> By: TW http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/communication/the-truth-is-sexy/comment-page-3/#comment-3146 TW Tue, 06 Jan 2009 02:50:43 +0000 http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/?p=172#comment-3146 Cassandra- That was so sweet of you to say but the only reason that I am able to keep my head up and go on is because I have some beautiful women in my corner. i love you all and you all are my source of strength... Cassandra- That was so sweet of you to say but the only reason that I am able to keep my head up and go on is because I have some beautiful women in my corner. i love you all and you all are my source of strength…

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