In my experience (not to say this is always the truth) a man will get mad at you when he feels bad about something.
Sometimes he’s done something to hurt you, or he’s cheating, or he’s lying, and sometimes he just feels bad and guilty because he’s done something or is about to do something so very minor that he knows, nevertheless, is stressing you and not making you happy.
The range of this is the same as the range of his good or dicey character, his ability to communicate, how much in touch he is with his own feelings and workings.
As always, putting a man on the defensive makes things harder – he’ll just back up and clam up more…so this is where we have to go FIRST in the opening-up department – be vigilant about Feeling Messages. (Feeling Messages are the most basic, most profound Tool in all my work – they will change your life in days. Even if you think you know how to use them properly from this blog and my eletters – you need my Have The Relationship You Want ebook to really understand how to write them in advance and practice them. It’s a workbook, so you’ll be able to learn to write your own, unique Feeling Messages down for the most common situations you encounter…Try it…)
If what you want in your relationship is “radical honesty” – and that’s just about the most powerful thing you can create in a relationship – then that’s what you want to talk about.
You want to talk about how that feels to you and what it looks like – and you start with YOU being radically honest about YOU.
Most of the time, a man doesn’t know what’s going on with him and why he feels bad…but sometimes it’s something he knows he’s doing.
Regardless – if he’s getting mad at you and feeling unusually sensitive and defensive – he’s doing something or thinking something he’s not feeling good about.
Perhaps the men on the blob here can talk about this a bit… how “attack mode” seems to be a human condition, across the board, and how it works in men, in their personal experience.
I know I get “cranky when I feel bad about myself, something I’ve done, a way I’m feeling. I turn it on myself, and I turn it on others – and all I have between me and going down that rabbit hole is my commitment to AWARENESS.
I don’t need to figure out what’s going on with me – but if I’m feeling vulnerable to “attack” and feeling like “attacking” (or a sense of urgency – that’s a great clue) – if I can just become aware of it and sink down into – I’ll start to feel more and discover what’s going on and go through it quickly.