3 Things To Know About Men That Will Make Dating And Relationships A Lot Easier

Here’s a great guest post from my friend Shana James:

Walking into a café, bar or party, my mind often buzzes with questions about myself. Am I dressed okay? Am I as radiant as the other women here? Will men pay attention to me? At this point, I don’t take these thoughts too seriously. A few years ago they sometimes paralyzed me. I felt nervous and anxious.

But guess what? The men I coached today told me the same thing happens for them! It is such a privilege to be let into hundreds of men’s insecurities and vulnerabilities. And so you know, I haven’t yet met a man who doesn’t have them. It’s so easy to think you’re the only one who is nervous, but it’s not true.

So, that’s the 1st thing to know about men.

1. Men are human too!

Men get scared. They have emotions. They doubt themselves. They wonder if they look okay. They compare themselves to the men around them.

There is a little boy inside every man, just as there is a little girl inside every woman, who has been hurt, disappointed, misunderstood and unseen.

Knowing this helps you stop putting men on pedestals. When you remember that men are human too, you can stop trying to hide your emotions and your nervousness.

One fear I often hear from women is – But if he saw that part of me, he wouldn’t want me. Well, no one is perfect. When you accept your idiosyncrasies, men will too! In fact, I’ve often seen men fall in love with women because of them.

So, rather than having your attention on hiding parts of you, be proud of who you are. I used to feel ashamed that I can be high-strung. I acted laid back and was afraid a man would run away if he saw the Type A side of my personality. Now I can laugh at it and we can laugh at it together!

Then, take your attention off yourself and get curious about him. Ask him questions about himself. When you ask with appreciation and respect, you make it safe for him to be vulnerable with you. Then you can be human together!

2. Men mean what they say – Read the lines rather than only between them

I’ve seen so many situations where a woman, after an extended length of time, is frustrated because a man isn’t willing to commit.

I often ask – what did he say he wanted in the beginning? And the reply is usually – “Nothing serious. He wanted to date, but didn’t want a committed relationship.”

Then that’s quickly followed by, “But he calls me every day.” Or “But he acts like he wants commitment. He always wants to spend time with me.”

Since relationship is of the utmost importance to me, I’ve changed my mind in the past when I said I wanted to be single and an amazing man came along. I’ve seen other women do this too! But It tends to be different for men.

When I asked an Authentic Man Program facilitator about this, he said, “Men are more consistent than you think. While there may be something between the lines, definitely read the lines!”

If a man tells you something that’s true for him, but you don’t want to believe it, and you continue to move ahead with that relationship, you are likely to get hurt. If a man tells you he’s not ready for relationship, believe him! Take care of yourself and don’t give your heart to a man who doesn’t want what you want!

There is an art to inspiring a man to commit to you, but you have to start from honoring his truth, rather than disregarding it and hoping it will change!

3. Men thrive on appreciation and wilt without it

When I appreciate men, I watch them light up. And the opposite is true too. If I go too long without appreciating my man, he feels unseen. (I can relate to this as a woman also!) It can even lead to arguments and resentment.

Start appreciating, out loud, what a man does for you, gives you, says to you, or even gives up for you. Tell him how it impacts you. Does it make your life easier or more enjoyable? It can feel a bit contrived at first, but you can do this authentically.

Just make sure what you’re saying is true. You may have to dig a bit if you’re used to complaining or seeing the negative. But I guarantee that appreciating a man (and you can do this from the very first time you meet) will have him feel inspired to be around you!

Women have a deep desire to know we’re loved. Men have a deep desire to know they’re useful and needed. So let men know how much you appreciate the time and energy he put into what he did for you or gave you, even if it’s not to your satisfaction! If you want it to be different, ask for that after, remembering to convey your gratitude, rather than disgust or frustration.

Okay, I said I’d give 3, but it’s hard to stop when there are about 20 more! Here’s a bonus:

4. Men love variety

A man I know told me a story about a woman he was dating with bright red hair. One day he picked her up and she’d dyed her hair black. He was shocked. He loved her fiery red hair. When he asked her why she did it, she said, “I saw you looking at women with black hair!” When he told me this I yelped, as though I was punched in the stomach. I realized she’d dyed her hair without knowing the whole truth.

Men love variety. If you have blonde hair, you’ll probably find your man looking at brunettes and red heads. If you’re a brunette, he’ll look at blondes and red heads. It’s important to remember that you can’t be everything to a man!

It can be frustrating when a man you’re with looks at other women. And of course there is a need for balance. If he can’t keep his eyes off other women that’s one thing. But most men find lots of women attractive. And it doesn’t always mean he doesn’t want you.

When you can be playful or vulnerable with this, rather than immediately making him wrong, he’ll feel closer to you and grateful that he doesn’t have to put a part of himself in a box. A man not looking at other women’s beauty is like a woman not looking at babies, puppies, or shoes!

Starting to play with your own variety – how you dress, walk, talk and dance – will keep a man enticed! I used to find myself saying “That’s not me,” when I went shopping. And while that can be true, I’m now willing to try things on and expand who I know myself to be!

Now, on some days I bring out my intellectual side. Other days I let my pole dancer come out and shake things up. Still other days I bring out my hippie, earthy side. I now have more facets than I ever thought possible!

To find Shana, go to www.authenticwomanexperience.com

Love, Rori

written by Rori Raye • Permalink •

1,142 Comments to “3 Things To Know About Men That Will Make Dating And Relationships A Lot Easier”

1: Femininewoman says:

Men are human

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 6:54am
2: Femininewoman says:

You may have to dig a bit if you’re used to complaining or seeing the negative.

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 6:55am
3: Femininewoman says:

A man not looking at other women’s beauty is like a woman not looking at babies, puppies, or shoes.

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 6:58am
4: Emerson says:

Hi fw

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 7:32am
5: Calypso says:

This was a good article for me to read right before I meet my new POF guy for our first date today at lunch. He will be as nervous as I am . . .

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 7:33am
6: Emerson says:

This article resonates with me because I have not alwys listened to what a man TELLS me and also I have not always been true to myself and my wants and needs. Kinda like a man showed up in my life and told me his terms and I just a accepted it….Wow that feels awful.

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 7:35am
7: Emerson says:

Also I’m sometimes nervous around poweful men but good remnnder to know they are only human

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 7:37am
8: bloom-ing says:

i keep feeling sad & bad. my mama told me “don’t beat yourself up. when i look back on my failed marriages, i always think, ‘well, gosh, i could have made that work – if i’d just been as mature at 19 as i am at 62′ but i believe that God has a plan” that made me feel good to hear. thanks, mama

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 7:41am
9: bloom-ing says:

she also said, “stop crying. it’s dangerous to drive & cry at the same time”

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 7:42am
10: bloom-ing says:

my mom & dad were telling me last night what it feels like to “get” each other… how it feels to solidly know that you are on the Same Team. how it feels …. how did my dad put it…. he was saying that they share the basic threads of their values, fears, hopes, joys. i felt moved to hear both my parents encouraging me with their story about connected partnership.

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 7:44am
11: bloom-ing says:

my mama also said she doesn’t ever call it a real “mistake” in her mind. she told me she found out she was pregnant after having broken up with the father – married him anywayz – but what a true joy, as my brother was born. i need & love my brother. even though we rarely talk, & “agree” on very little, i think of him & his wife daily & pray for their kindness & big hearts

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 7:46am
12: Emerson says:

(((blooming)))

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 7:51am
13: Heart says:

Powerful reminded….Awesome Thread….Feeling heart-warmed and thinking about CuddleyGrinch. I miss him now..

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 7:55am
14: Dark horse says:

I am practicing saying how I really feel. I’m 44 but I find it sooooo hard. I never want to hurt the other person or make them feel guilty. I just told my friend how bad I felt that she didn’t come over when I was sick last night. I felt so alone and scared with a migraine and throwing up and waiting for her. She called but I couldn’t get to the phone and she thought I was sleeping. It felt good to really say how I felt and I cried a bit. I normally pretend everything is ok not to be demanding or needy.

Of course the real practice will come with Lionman. I feel like I can’t ask him for anything st the moment. And really I wanted him to look after me last night. But he still hasn’t returned my call and I refuse to call more than once.

Lionman is super sensitive and has received a lot of criticism in his life. He always feels ‘wrong’ with people. How can I communicate that it feels bad to have my call ignored without adding to the mountain of criticism he is dealing with at present on all fronts. I try to have ‘us’ be a safe positive place. can I have one help with a script? This is a real issue for us. Because he has so much sensitivity the slightest mildest rebuke causes anger and shutdown .

Maybe so um I feel a bit afraid to say this I don’t want to feel shut out but It feels bad to have my call ignored. You asked me to do something for you I feel happy when u ask me to help with something but feel frustrated when I don’t get the full details and when I ask I am ignored. What can we do to fix this?

Daria? Any ideas? It’s a tricky one. We are not together right now and I’m trying to give him space to miss me and also keep our interactions really positive and romantic which they are when he initiates wanting to see me. I do appreciate the things he does for me.

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 7:56am
15: bloom-ing says:

dark horse,

the word “ignore” to me implies more “blame” or “criticism” than possibly saying something like “it felt lonely to reach out to you & not receive a response”

what do you think?

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 8:23am
16: Calypso says:

Dark Horse – If you are not in a relationship with him right now and you are trying to give him space to miss you . . . I’m not sure there is a good way to tell him how you feel about him “Ignoring” your call.

It feels like you might need to keep that to yourself right now. He does not have to return your call if he doesn’t feel like it. How can you not make it a blamey thing if you mention it?

Maybe just talk about how sick you felt and how wonderful it is to hear his voice or see him when he does make contact? let him know how comforting his presense is when he does show up and not go back and make him feel bad for not being there last night?

what do you think?

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 8:27am
17: Heart says:

Dark Horse – I think the best thing for you would be to try to move yourself (emotionally) to a place where You Don’t Feel Bad if he doesn’t return your call.
That would be Real Change and Real Movement.

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 8:28am
18: Dark horse says:

Perfect! Thank you blooming. Maybe I can just say that. Get rid of everything and just say that line. Maybe I can text it that would be less scary.

On another note my sweet friend who didn’t come last night just called my local store and had them send round a parcel of ginger ales, soups and nice bread! I was so worried she would feel bad about me saying how I felt and now I feel loved and cared for and not so alone. ((((friend))))

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 8:28am
19: Belle says:

Dark Horse

14

I’m new at this and practicing so here’s my amateur feedback:

“Maybe so um I feel a bit afraid to say this I don’t want to feel shut out but It feels bad to have my call ignored. You asked me to do something for you I feel happy when u ask me to help with something but feel frustrated when I don’t get the full details and when I ask I am ignored. What can we do to fix this? ”

Claiming your call was ignored steps into blaming and accusing territory.
Keep the focus on you.
“It’s so good to hear your voice right now! (or, whatever feels true for you in the moment) I feel scared to tell you this but it felt bad not to hear back from you last night. I was so sick and wanted someone to come take care of me and I felt so disappointed not to hear back from you.”

Then let him speak.
It’s not his job to sit by the phone 24-7 and be available to answer the phone on your schedule. He is not your father, it is not his job to caretake or parent you…but you can tell him how you felt and listen. He can’t do anything about last night “now”, it’s over and there’s nothing to ‘fix’.

The other part of the message I’m interpreting as, “If I do this for you then I expect you to do this for me”…it feels yuk to read and sounds like you are giving to get and not because it’s what you really love and want to be doing in the moment, which isn’t his problem. That’s for you to work out with you. Whatever is going on with that is a separate issue from feeling ignored and sick last night and would be better addressed separately, or in the moment if it happens again. Otherwise it sounds like you are keeping score and ready to dump everything you’ve been keeping inside on him all at once.

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 8:30am
20: bloom-ing says:

(((((((((((((me))))))))))))))

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 8:32am
21: bloom-ing says:

thanks for the hug, emerson : )

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 8:33am
22: Belle says:

Grrr..
feeling geeky and cerebral, other sirens are so succinct

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 8:34am
23: Calypso says:

(((Belle)) Lol ~ You did great – I enjoyed reading your post and agreed with you

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 8:37am
24: Dark horse says:

Thank you ladies. I guess it triggers me because when I do give him space I never call but he will call me and ask me to do something … After 8 years all our finances are jumbled up. I say yes and then when I call to say you asked me to take care of x how do you want me to proceed (usually a bill that will be timely) then he doesn’t respond and I find it provoking.

But I agree he certainly doesn’t have to respond if he doesn’t want to. Just seems frustrating as he will pay a fine the longer it goes unpaid.

I am also trying to steer away from these financial type things. Our romantic interactions are so much better these days with no fighting and financial stuff doesn’t feel very romantic to me.

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 8:38am
25: bloom-ing says:

my friend reminded me that last time i “broke up” with someone. i had made a list of the ways i love them & the ways i felt it wasn’t working for me.

i love cd because he is sweet. he listens to me & makes time for me & goes out of his way to do little things that will make me smile. i love him because he takes care of me & wants to spend time with me. i love him because he is fun & funny & i like to play & laugh with him.

this relationship isn’t working for me, because i’m neglecting my true needs for work & silence & solitude. this relationship isn’t working for me, because i want more flexibility & also a higher level of commitment to physical health & comfort. this relationship isn’t working for me, because i feel fundamentally disconnected – from myself, from cd, from my family, from my friends. this relationship isn’t working for me, because regardless of how much or how little i do, i don’t feel good & “home” with my contributions to our shared domestic life. this relationship isn’t working for me, because i feel continually triggered by the disparities in values & life experience between cd & myself.

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 8:40am
26: bloom-ing says:

“i could make it work” yes, but that would take my full energy & i don’t have my full energy right now.

i feel just-born & new & tender & sensitive & “drained”

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 8:42am
27: bloom-ing says:

i’m feeling so judgmental toward myself as a “weakling” or a “failure”….. hm & i feel inclined toward “logical defense”

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 8:44am
28: Femininewoman says:

bloom-ing One of Rori’s cornerstone is “choose relationship”. I would look closely at that concept in comparison to where you are now and how you got there.

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 8:45am
29: Laughing Goddess says:

(((blooming)))

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 8:49am
30: Calypso says:

10 more minutes until I leave to meet my new POF guy for lunch. I jsut put on some nice smelling lotion on my hands, brushed my hair . . . getting that tingly feeling all over . . .

I started my cycle last night, so I feel a little out of sorts due to that – pain in my lower back, poants a little tighter than normal, etc. . .

Here is a wierd question: Do you Sirens believe a man can somehow sense when you are menstruating? I have noticed more than one man act sort of “different” when close to me when I;m on my cycle. Can they smell it in some dark corner of their brains? What impact does it have on them?

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 8:52am
31: bloom-ing says:

femininewoman…

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 8:54am
32: bloom-ing says:

femininewoman,

“choose relationship” — hmmmm….

this IS where i am continually “stuck”

but i’m not sure that it would be Authentic for me to Choose This Relationship.

that is, i am feeling that my “addictions” are hugely “enabled” in this home environment. i’m feeling overwhelmed by Noise, Drama, & Chaos.

i’m also feeling unsure or even doubtful that my Highest Purpose & my Highest Self are being supported by my partner & my relationship.

definitely. definitely, definitely i have a LOT of “work” to do with myself. “before” ? i am able to “choose relationship” from a place of personal power….

what do you think?

thank you so much for talking with me. i feel so much better to have a space for this & so many incredible women. i feel touched.

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 9:00am
33: Dark horse says:

Hi heart thank you. I wonder what that would look like or how I would get there? If a friend asked me to help them with something and I called to get details and they didn’t call back I would think they were a bit flakey but I wouldn’t go immediately to oh it’s about me they don’t think much of me and they are ignoring me. Hmmm interesting. I guess I immediately hear nvs saying its other women because that has been a problem for us and is one of the reasons we are not together right now ie me saying I cannot see you if you are seeing other women. Right now Lionman is coming back towards me after a break and I’m feeling anxious about my boundaries and taking care of myself. My boundaries have not been good in the past.

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 9:06am
34: Dark horse says:

Blooming I like reading your posts the way they are written is very attractive to me it pulls me in to your world which feels fascinating. I love your mama drying your tears and telling you not to cry and drive its dangerous lol! Mamas! I wanted my mother last night but she lives far away

I feel curious to know more about your life purpose ….

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 9:10am
35: bloom-ing says:

i feel sad & scared

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 9:11am
36: Dark horse says:

Now my nvs are saying 8 years? Why would he want you after 8 years? He knows all there is to know about you and if he hasn’t married you by now you are stupid to think he ever will. He has to experience you as new! As different! As exciting! Be different! Be new! Be exciting!

But my little girl says I Am Enough As I Am …. Who I am right now sick and headachy and moany and tired is good enough. I’ll sparkle another day.

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 9:14am
37: Dark horse says:

(((((((blooming))))))))

I’ll tell you a secret …. It’s all going to be okay …. XO

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 9:16am
38: bloom-ing says:

thank you, dark horse : ))

purpose………..mmm

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 9:20am
39: April Rose says:

Can anyone tell me the answer/s to this question

Choose relationship – why?

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 9:23am
40: Femininewoman says:

((((((((((((bloom-ing))))))))))))

I am not suggesting that you choose this relationship. Maybe just review to see if you did choose to be in this relationship in the first place, or if you kinda just feel in it? Going along because it was available. Hindsight is 20/20.

I believe it will help for next time around so that you first identify what you want, then you will feel compowered to choose. Sometimes we choose just because a hot looking man that causes a stir in our loins is showing some interest in us and “we like him”.

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 9:26am
41: bloom-ing says:

what’s my deal ? i want to feel “convincing” & “convinced” – i want Firm Answers.

i want to feel Good walking away.

i don’t feel good to stay, because i cannot get rid of the Gut Feeling i have. which goes away from time to time, especially when talking out a trigger with cd, but then it just rises right back up.

i feel so sad that i can’t Make Myself “choose relationship” with this man….. in a lot of ways, i feel he Chooses Relationship with me…

but ! my babies & my writing & my creative mish mash of weird activities

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 9:28am
42: Femininewoman says:

April Rose only you can answer that for yourself. Choosing relationship also embodies giving up a lot of things so only you can answer the why or if you want to question. You can also choose not to.

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 9:29am
43: bloom-ing says:

thank you, femininewoman.

even though “everything was discussed” around “moving in” – i thought that meant that i would have a ring by now. i thought i would feel sure about marriage & commitment to this man.

ALSO i feel my motivations for moving in were skewed by a faulty fear of “money” “scarcity” – which i didn’t fully allow myself to “see” or “recognize”

also, i understand now what it is to live with a man. & i feel positive that i will never move in with a man until we are ALREADY married & have ALREADY taken our honeymoon. thank you.

thank you for the hug. it brought tears to my eyes.

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 9:31am
44: bloom-ing says:

mmm what would i “give up” to “choose relationship” with the Right Man ?

that feels like a yummy question.

i feel inspired to find a man who is all “cut-open” for me. all talking talking & all quiet.

i like a bedroom to myself.

i’m afraid of men.

i’m afraid of relationships. i’m afraid of failure & rejection & betrayal. i’m afraid of neglect.

poor girl, she’s so sad (((girl)))

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 9:35am
45: Femininewoman says:

thought that meant that i would have a ring by now. i thought i would feel sure about marriage & commitment to this man.

Blooming – these “thoughts” suggest to me that maybe you expected him to kinda read your mind? Maybe he is unsure about your timelines? Does he know what your boundaries are around this? Did you go with the supersized “friendship” hoping he would take it to the altar?

Sorry to be your inquisitor. Just know all I am suggesting is that you sink into yourself to get the answers to these questions. No need to post them here. Just be your own observer/witness.

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 9:38am
46: bloom-ing says:

i’m going to be ok.

i’m not always scared of men. i’m not always scared of commitment.

i have always felt afraid of rejection & betrayal – & that doesn’t have anything to do with The Men

i’m a woman – but i’m not necessarily “gendered” because of my body – i’m feminine-spirited. i feel best in a lean-back, open-hearted, vulnerable position

i’m not “oppressed” by my desire for a man, for babies, for a hop-hop kitchen, for blankets, for knitting needles, for reams of fabric & paper.

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 9:39am
47: bloom-ing says:

no no no femininewoman, the opposite.

we moved in with the intention of being married.

a couple months ago, he said, well i would propose to you, but i feel unsure what your response would be. i told him, yes, i feel unsure & i would say no – gentle smile – & he said, please let me know when you’re ready.

i’m not ready.

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 9:40am
48: Femininewoman says:

You give up sleeping by yourself
You give up making decisions by yourself
You give up going off on your own with noone to answer to.
You give up spending all your money on whatever you want, whenever you want.

There is a lot you give up/tradeoffs to create harmony in a partnership.

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 9:41am
49: bloom-ing says:

aw i’m shaking crying frowny wiggly mouth

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 9:42am
50: Femininewoman says:

I believe he feels the turmoil going on inside you because of the trapped energy. How could he ask you to mary him while all this is there?

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 9:43am
51: Femininewoman says:

(((((((((((bloom-ing))))))))))

It is better to deal with the doubts sooner, than later.

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 9:45am
52: April Rose says:

I don’t want to give up those things.

Oh, except the one about decisions. I would gladly share decision making with a man I trust.

(And the money one doesn’t really apply cos I’ve got none!)

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 9:47am
53: April Rose says:

I love sleeping by myself.

I love going off on adventures and no-one else in the world knowing where I am.

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 9:49am
54: Radlove says:

Hello Sirens!!

My time with R last night couldn’t have gone better!! I feel so happy!! We went to a parking lot where I used to run my dogs when I lived in R’s area and talked about 2009 and all the negative stuff that went on between us.

At first he was reluctant. He said, “I am afraid you’ll snap out in anger and I don’t want to deal with it.”

I said (not for the first time), “I have gone thru some deep emotional healing and training in relationship skills and I am not going to yell or get angry. Have you noticed how much easier I am to get along with this year compared to 2009?”

And he acknowledged that. We just scratched the surface before he said, “Well, we can revisit this from time to time, but I think we have talked about it enough for tonight.” I know he can’t handle much stress with his schizophrenia, so I said, “ok.”

But what we covered was totally fine, and I took responsibility for my end of the negative interactions and discussed how I felt at different junctures. He said, “I mainly want to clear my name, that I would never do those things you had accused me of in 2009.”

I said, “We would need to break it down moment by moment, using my detailed journals from 2009. But that overall, I acknowledge that the painful stuff that happened to me was very real, but that I believe it was schizophrenia related, not from you yourself. I believe you have a very tender, caring heart, and you are my favorite person in the world, and you are my best friend.”

As we were walking back to the car, I said, “I left the keys on the bench.”

As I was walking back for the keys, he called out, “B______!” I turned around, and he said, “Can I have a hug?”

Sigh! I know I was supposed to melt, but what I did in that moment of joy was to drop my journal papers on the sidewalk, and I hugged him tightly. He hugged me with a lot of rubbing his hands on my back.

It was like 2009 again, the good times, before it got confusing and horrible. Except this time it was a time-tested friendship with trust, and really knowing each other. We hung out at a diner and later at a park near his house, just sitting in the car listening to music and talking. We were together almost 5 hours.

I felt wonderful, and I’m flying high today! He said, “if you lived closer again, it would be easier to just hang out, because there’s not that one hour drive each way.” It’s about the 4th time he’s hinted about wanting me to move back.

It isn’t only that…I WANT to move back. All my friends and family are there. So I am praying and thinking about moving “home” when my lease ends at the end of October. I don’t know yet what will happen. I do know that I need to organize my house.

So I decided overnight that I will start organizing into boxes! And if I end up moving, great. If not, I will at least be organized and will have sorted things and gotten rid of clutter. So it will be no time wasted.

What was also significant to me is R said, “Other women in the past always fell away…at some point, usually sooner than later, I would call a woman I was interested in, and she would just not answer or something would happen that I would never see her again. So I know that something about the schizophrenia turns women off, even though I am not aware of it.”

So I think it was really meaningful to him that I have just never walked away. Near the end of our date, we were talking about the love of God. I said, “My reason for living is that nothing can separate me from the love of God. And that is what I am all about: unconditional, unfailing love.”

Of course I said a lot more than that on unconditional love. He looked real emotional, and I sensed something really touched him. I mean, he looked like he was about to cry. Right after that he ended the date and gave me another brief car-hug, quickly leaving the car and walking home.

This is a testimony to how well Rori’s tools work, and for me, it is the reconciling of the relationship that means more to me than anything else on earth.

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 9:49am
55: Heart says:

#33 – Hi Dark Horse – I think Sinking into yourself and feelinh your feelings and voicing them (in your head or outlouf or on paper) is a Great method to starting the shift…and if the NV acts up just do as Rori suggests and tell it thanks for sharing Bye Bye.

Do it all the time…take breaks when your emotions start acting up and Sink into them….do that Drop to the floor thing.
You will become so Curious about yourself and it will help alot. Start now…:)

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 9:50am
56: MissStix says:

30

G told me flat out he can smell it even though I use tampons and baby wipes while cycling.

I said ” I don’t believe you!” and he said “ok believe whatever you want but I can smell it.” me: “ok well…Is it gross? is it a bothersome smell?” him “not at all! you just smell different than usual.”

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 9:50am
57: Radlove says:

April Rose,

53 – Me Toooooo!!! I have always done that, all my life!

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 9:50am
58: April Rose says:

WM and I always had separate bedrooms. Does that mean we weren’t in relationship? I do wonder about this.

He can go to bed angry sometimes. I would feel so powerless and afraid if my only bed was the shared bed.

I’m starting to think that a relationship is some kind of ordeal.

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 9:52am
59: bloom-ing says:

i only want 1 husband.

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 9:52am
60: Dark horse says:

I like reams of fabric and paper … And I have piles of knitting needles and hand dyed wool I have a little room in my little cottage that is my little studio it has a big chair in it for thinking. It has a big avacado plant in there too. I swear since I started meditating in tht chair tht plant started blooming like crazy! It has tons of brightly looked leaves not jut green. It talks to me and waves it’s leaves gently to me it knows when I am nearby.

Choosing relationship when I think of livin with Lionman I feel anxious he is the messiest person I have ever met! Lol! We would havto hav a cleaning person to tidy up or it would be my full time job! I used to do it but I don’t anymore since i discovered rori and leaning back. Unless it gives me pleasure which sometimes it does to do small things for him. I was a major over functioner.

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 9:52am
61: April Rose says:

I am going to ask Rori at the next teleclass “Why choose relationship?”

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 9:57am
62: bloom-ing says:

“St. John “enlists” Jane to join his band of Christian mercenaries. He wants a wife he can “influence efficiently” and “retain absolutely,” rather than someone he loves. Marriage to St. John would traumatically erase Jane’s identity and douse her passions for life.” cliffs notes interpretation

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 9:57am
63: Heart says:

#36 (((Dark Horse)))

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 9:57am
64: bloom-ing says:

dark horse, your cottage sounds like a magical place : )

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 9:58am
65: MissStix says:

Radlove

Your post felt happy but also heavy. Gosh these things are tough, yet good. Conflicting sometimes.

I have to say again how inspiring your shift has been!

<3

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 9:58am
66: Dark horse says:

Thank you heart, super helpful. I’m not sure I willbe good at it but I want to try!

Radlove I feel very happy for you at how well last night went. And I love how that positive exchange inspires you and gives you energy and momentum for other parts of your life.

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 9:59am
67: bloom-ing says:

“I think you will be natural with me, as I find it impossible to be conventional with you; and then your looks and movements will have more vivacity and variety than they dare offer now. I see at intervals the glance of a curious sort of bird through the close-set bars of a cage: a vivid, restless, resolute captive is there; were it but free, it would soar cloud-high.” – mr. rochester

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 10:00am
68: Femininewoman says:

April Rose I hope you will share the answer.

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 10:01am
69: April Rose says:

I will indeed, Femininewoman

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 10:04am
70: bloom-ing says:

family

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 10:06am
71: April Rose says:

In the meantime I am trying to come up with my own reasons.
Reasons …hmmm….it will be a feeling thing….sometimes I can’t bear to be without WM

But I am committing to myself and to my inner girl, and to making sure she is cared for….

I need my inner boy to fiercely make space and silence for her A LOT.

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 10:07am
72: Radlove says:

Calypso and Miss Stix,

30 and 56 – One man told me he can smell it, and that he has an extra sensitive sense of smell. So I think some men can and some men can’t.

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 10:08am
73: Miss Bells says:

Working out this moving thing with HS.
Me: “I felt really rejected this summer with all that went on. I don’t want to feel that way. I only want to be around you when the switch is on–and I know you can make that happen. What do you think?”
Him: “I don’t disagree”
He says he will miss me. I say–then you’ll do something about it.
But I don’t really like that response–It seems directive. I wish I had something better to say.

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 10:08am
74: Femininewoman says:

I understand she encourages women to clear out a drawer for a man as a signal to the Universe you are choosing relationship. I have also taken out pictures of nieces, nephews, family/friends from my bedroom as a result of stuff I have on a cde with her.
As I understand it, many women are resistant to doing that kind of stuff.

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 10:09am
75: April Rose says:

“I’ll miss you too”

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 10:11am
76: April Rose says:

I’ll miss you and I feel excited at my new start and I feel full of wonder to discover the untrodden path ahead of me

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 10:12am
77: Dark horse says:

Miss bells I’m just a newbie here so just practicing. It does sound directive .. How about it feels so good when we are connected it would feel good to feel that way again ….

I applaud you moving in the counter intuitive way!

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 10:13am
78: MissStix says:

72 radlove

I think you’re bang on there!

And G is around me a lot so he is probably very in tune with my smell. As I am with his. I had a hard time recognising his scent when I we were freshly together. Which bothered me because I could recognise ex husbands scent very easily. But it just took some time. I am in tune with the G scent now.

So time together has a lot to do with it too i’m sure.

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 10:14am
79: Radlove says:

April Rose,

61 – My answer to that is because I believe we were designed to need people. I have lived alone most of my adult life, and I feel outrageously lonely many times. I feel like a part of me is missing.

I believe what it says in the movie, “Ever After”, with Drew Barrymore, “A life without love is no life at all.”

How do you feel about that?

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 10:14am
80: bloom-ing says:

thanks, femininewoman.

i will designate a prominent box in my room (alone) to practice making space for relationship in my life.

this is actually calming the fear that came up in me.

to understand that i CAN choose relationship. & that some of the things i’m afraid of are the result of NOT choosing relationship. so i don’t need to feel afraid, if i am able to make that choice.

thank you

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 10:14am
81: Radlove says:

Miss Stix,

65 – Thank you! I wonder what about it sounded heavy?

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 10:15am
82: April Rose says:

FW,

I actually felt a happy jolt when I read what you wrote about clearing a drawer for him.

I think I will do this, during this period of questioning ‘choose relationship’, and see what happens…

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 10:15am
83: Radlove says:

Dark horse,

66 – Thank you, me too. I feel like I just got super charged! LOL! Joy gives strength!!

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 10:16am
84: Calypso says:

I’m back from my lunch date with new POF guy – going to call him JC. He does not look like someone I would normally date, but that is ok – I am open to the possibilities. He was nice and sweet and funny and he seems young in spirit (He is 50), but he says there is still a little boy in him – Yea – I think my little girl wants to play with his little boy and see what happens.

I agreed to go out with him for dinner and dancing tomorrow night and I am going to let him pick me up at my house. He was a very good career, owns his own home, drives a nice vehicle and “seems” stable.

We will see what the Universe has in store for us. I read our horoscope match online and it sounds very positive – could be the perfect match

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 10:18am
85: Radlove says:

Miss Bells,

73 – How about,

“I feel heavy hearted. I don’t want to move. But I also want to be with a man with whom I feel first class, not second class. What do you think?”

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 10:19am
86: MissStix says:

radlove

When you were describing his end I got some heavy feelings. As if he struggles. As if he has darknesses he wishes he could be free from.

I haven’t read it over again which I usually do before I re-comment so I may have been off on my first impression.

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 10:20am
87: April Rose says:

Radlove,

My life is full of love. I have a very loving relationship with myself, and seldom feel lonely.

I would like to be much more active at ‘choosing’ in general.

My relationships have often started in the way FW describes in her posting (40)
“..Sometimes we choose just because a hot looking man that causes a stir in our loins is showing some interest in us and “we like him”…”
and then I get attached!

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 10:20am
88: Radlove says:

FW,

74 – I think it’s a cool idea. It is my ever present intention, but like I said, I need to get rid of clutter, LOL!

I think what is going to happen in the future should affect how we live today. So if I live as if I am about to move, I will pack. If I live as if I am about to marry, I will set up my house for two, and with romantic decorations!

Love it, love it, love it! Rori has so many good ideas! I love to learn from her and from all of your Sirens. You are such a wise, knowledgeable bunch of sisters!

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 10:21am
89: April Rose says:

they don’t even have to be hot-looking.

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 10:22am
90: smile says:

Femininewoman and Sirens,

This is what my speech looks like so far. I plan to send it by text. I would feel grateful to read your feedback.

Strumming man, I feel appreciative of the time we have spent apart. It has given me time to reflect and discover myself more. I like where I live but I’m feeling stuck in the past. I don’t want to feel this way. I still feel attached to you and the possibility of what could have been while I am here. Also for financial reasons I am going to move back to mums when the contact has finished as I want the opportunity to save so I can get closer to owning my own home. Hope your okay.

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 10:23am
91: Radlove says:

Miss Stix,

86 – Oh yes, very true. Good sensing there. He told me that the negativity of the schizophrenia inside makes everything seem far worse than it really is.

And he was seriously turned off from me in 2009. I was feeling traumatized by what I was experiencing – in a word I would call it sadistic. But I was also operating out of a lot of emotional damage and not sireny at all. So I have come a very long way, and so has he.

I feel more optimistic by the day about our friendship becoming something more.

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 10:26am
92: Laughing Goddess says:

48

Very, very true!

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 10:26am
93: Radlove says:

April Rose,

I can feel very content alone and need a lot of alone time myself. But after 48 years of life, it is really getting to me.

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 10:28am
94: smile says:

*contact=house contract

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 10:29am
95: smile says:

Radlove,

Glad to see things are going well with R. I have been away, how is your living situation going? Hope you managed to get sorted?

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 10:30am
96: April Rose says:

LG, FW

I feel gritty-teeth.
Not true for all.
I actually can’t sleep next to the human beings I’ve known and awake refreshed. Why? Don’t know. Very sensitive energy? Super-sensitive hearing and a light sleeper. Next to another, I lie awake, or else go into a doze with unpleasant dreams. Makes me feel afraid to lie down next to someone at night.

On my own, with earplugs, I often (but not always) get a good night’s rest.

Help???

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 10:31am
97: Emerson says:

Blooming I broke up with a man a few years back that was perfect on paper but somehow I didn’t feel like ME with him. It was weird. I was sad but relieved when it ended. I felt guilty but now I know that was not necessary.

I’m feeling unfocused and cloudy headed. I am trying to define what I want but I’m afraid that it will maybe be something unobtainable and I’ll be putting my energy on the wrong direction. So I feel I have to downgrade my wants or goals.

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 10:31am
98: MissStix says:

Radlove 91

Optimism is wonderful!

At the same time I feel worry. My brain says “Will she continue this glorious path if she feels the let downs in a big way?”. I trust in the foundation you are building. I trust that the more steps you take the more solid the foundation will be. It will not crumble benieth you but rather support you through triumphs and struggles alike!

Yes. Hold on to the optimism. Keep it in that compartment. I like optimism related to men. I like to keep it separate from hope. I do not like hope related to men. Maybe that’s my own darknesses talking.

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 10:32am
99: Emerson says:

If I decide I want something but it’s not realistic I’m afraid I will be moving in the wrong direction…why don’t i trust myself?

I keep interviewing for jobs and not getting them. I feel flat and discouraged and scared. I have no health insurance and I can’t keep living like this. I wish I has a mom and dad that could help me. Even though I’m a grown woman.

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 10:36am
100: MissStix says:

(((emerson)))

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 10:37am
101: Laughing Goddess says:

Just found this…

The 5 Keys to a successful relationship according to Rori Raye are as follows:

Key #1: Choose Relationship
Key #2: Choose to either be the Receiving/Masculine partner or the Giving/Feminine one.
Key #3: Support the team.
Key #4: Respect the masculine.
Key #5: Express the feminine.

http://lovehuts.com/women/have-the-relationship-you-want-review/

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 10:39am
102: Emerson says:

Point number 2 of this article is really standing out for me …if I had done this then my whole chapter of pain with recycledCDnever would have happened.

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 10:39am
103: Emerson says:

101 I like this LG thank you

I want my own bedroom too. Maybe I can combine it as a guest room but i don’t want guests.

But I also want a room I share with “him” and right now I feel like I want to move far far away and start over!!!

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 10:43am
104: Laughing Goddess says:

April Rose:

I feel ya. I’m not really saying that’s true for all but just true in my experience.

I actually find it challenging to sleep with my guy every single night. Sometimes I will sleep somewhere other than in our bed, like the couch, if I am feeling particularly sensitive. He seems to understand.

I also have my own room. It doesn’t have a bed in it but it has all of my clothes and art supplies and a desk. I intend to utilize it more. Right now it’s a bit of a mess. More of storage than an actual functioning space.

I think of myself as a very independent woman. Both of my parents even described me that way when I asked them what I was like as a child.

Choosing relationship feels challenging to me. I definitely have a ‘fear of intimacy’.

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 10:44am
105: Dark horse says:

Radlove what nice things will you do for yourself before you see r again? I think that is a good tool. Things I like are pedicures, taking a walk with my dog, grooming my horse, swimming, reading this blog! Taking bubble baths, listening to soothing music. Watching movies.

When is your interview? Is that work place close by?

I felt very moved reading your account of r asking for a hug. He must feel safe with you. Do you feel safer with him?

Lionman gives the bet hugs. We went on a tree hugging vacation once it was really great fun.

Blooming I just loved that mr Rochester quote thank you I think I will put it somewhere I can read it everyday.

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 10:45am
106: Laughing Goddess says:

Emerson: move far, far away and start over?

I feel curious to hear more about this.

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 10:48am
107: Emerson says:

Thank you miss stix

I just talked to my mom about my job frustrations and insuranc issues and i was crying cuz i feel sad and frustrated….
she just asks unrelated questions about trivial things..like literally did you get the kitchen sink fixed yet? Totally unrelated and she is so tuned out from my feelings.

She literally told me in the past you need to deal with it by yourself which is true sometimes but that applies to nearly EVERYTHING . Since I was small.

I told her before mom I don’t expect you to solve my problems for me but gosh you could be supportive.!!!! Shes like letting out a big sigh and says Emerson what do you want me to say???? Nothing mom nevermind.

My first big breakup I was bawling and she just stares at me blankly then said if I don’t calm down she’s calling someone to help because I’m having a psychiatric emergency. Wtf !!!!!! Nooo actually collegeEX just dumped me and he was the love of my life at the time.!!!! It’s like a normal grieving process and she’s implying that I’m crxzy….

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 10:52am
108: Laughing Goddess says:

Woah, I just noticed there must be a typo here.

Key #2: Choose to either be the Receiving/Masculine partner or the Giving/Feminine one.

Shouldn’t it be receiving/feminine and giving/masculine.

I just cut and pasted it from the site. Surely that must be a mistake.

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 10:53am
109: Laughing Goddess says:

Omg, Emerson. Your mom sounds just like mine.

Awww, hugs to both of us.

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 10:54am
110: Laughing Goddess says:

And hugs to them too. They probably mean well but just aren’t sure how to support us.

(((moms)))

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 10:55am
111: Emerson says:

I’m so angry I want to run away but I don’t know where..

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 10:56am
112: Daria says:

Belle – thank you I feel so cared for, I felt a warmth of love around me reading your post

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 11:06am
113: Laughing Goddess says:

Wow, ladies. I was feeling intrigued and curious about the idea of choosing relationship so I started doing some research and I found that Rori talks about this topic a lot in her ebook.

It’s been a while since I read it so I went back to review.

I wish I could cut and paste some of it here but I can’t.

But for anyone who is interested, she definitely does into depth about it in the e-book.

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 11:08am
114: Laughing Goddess says:

Emerson: Maybe in the meantime, you could find solace in that special place place in side of you…

Ya know, create your own safe space.

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 11:10am
115: Miss Bells says:

#73 I don’t actually feel second class with him.
I want to hit the reset button and date.
I just don’t want to live with him if we aren’t married, and I want his on/off switch to be repaired.
I will miss him. But–he needs to set the pace here.
I will be twenty miles away–still in the same county–in a town we both love.
I just need him to step up. When it comes up–first he says he’ll miss me–then I say I’ll miss him too–then he says “no, you’ll just be too busy with other things.
This is true but not the whole story.
See how he boxes me in?
Either I am so busy why should he bother OR I am just a slug sitting there waiting for him. Not attractive.
The truth is I AM busy, and I have time for him if he asks.
This is a man who has NO PROBLEM chasing a woman he wants.
I need a good answer that is true, non-directive, and attractive.

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 11:12am
116: MissStix says:

I just shared a wedding photo on FB.

I feel like I am going to throw up. Breathe breathe breathe. No no don’t heave it’s ok. Breathe and work through this. I want desperately to work through this terror and shame. I don’t want to retch when I picture my wedding. I don’t want to be terrified to dream of another day I can actually call “our day”. Not his day, not my moms day (she rocks but she paid she had final say) not even my day. I want an “our day”.

phewf breathe.

My heart feels like a jackhammer. My belly is full of black gooey bubbles sticking to my insides. Ugh. No retching! Breathe it’s ok. It’s fine. Feeling this is good. Don’t avoid it. Feel it and get through it.

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 11:13am
117: Radlove says:

Smile,

95 – I am ok for rent for August. I will barely have rent for September, which will leave me broke, so I am continuing to seek assistance and of course, jobs. I just had cable and internet turned off. Thank God, there is free internet in my neighborhood, from where I don’t know. It is a weaker, slower connection, but it is enough to keep me jobhunting. I feel concerned about 3 of my bills that are behind that weigh heavily on my credit rating: one credit card, a Best Buy account, and Care Credit, which is for giving vet care to animals. Thanks for asking.

I am living out of foodbanks and getting assistance for electricity. Gas is my main tight thing right now. A friend recently lent me money to get my car repaired for inspection. It still needs the inspection sticker, but the repairs are done. My car insurance and phone are up to date. The phone is essential for job hunting.

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 11:19am
118: Radlove says:

Miss Stix,

98 – That’s a fair distinction to make between optimism and hope. I do see R in my future, and I know it is sorta dangerous, but I can’t help it.

I also wonder if I will continue down the glorious path if I feel let down. I have struggled to the extreme emotionally over this man for 3.5 years. I feel extra optimistic, tho, because we have about 2 solid months in of getting along well, and because 3.5 years with him in my life is more solid…he may still be “just” a friend, but the fact is, he is still in my life. He hasn’t flamed out.

All I know is I really need some emotional stability and joy, and I am going to run with this energy. I NEED to get some serious stuff done.

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 11:23am
119: Radlove says:

Emerson,

99 – I wish I had a Mom or Dad who could help me financially, too. I felt like dirt taking $20 for gas from my Mom this month when all she gets for spending money is $45 a month, being in a nursing home. She insisted on giving me the full $45, and I could not accept. I sure hope to make it up to her in the future. I mean, I am paying her phone, too. But I’m not going to take her only $45 a month for her phone.

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 11:25am
120: Femininewoman says:

Smile I like your script. Except for the Hope you’re okay part. That feels like giving energy.

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 11:25am
121: Femininewoman says:

RadLove you might have robbed her of feeling blessed

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 11:26am
122: Radlove says:

Emerson,

99 – I also meant to ask you if there are any free or low cost medical clinics in your area? I would google it. I found one in my area that is giving me 85% off health care. It is making all the difference. So I just had my blood pressure meds refilled, and I haven’t bought it yet, but I can get my Provigil for staying awake at a job for $45 instead of $350.

I used to go to a completely free clinic in my old town. I would walk out with my meds in my hand for free, and the care was free, with just a donation box if you could. It was the best clinic I ever went to, where they really took their time to listen and check things out.

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 11:28am
123: Femininewoman says:

61 – My answer to that is because I believe we were designed to need people. I have lived alone most of my adult life, and I feel outrageously lonely many times. I feel like a part of me is missing.

I believe what it says in the movie, “Ever After”, with Drew Barrymore, “A life without love is no life at all.”

How do you feel about that?

This feels very jarring but thanks to the Universe I have limitless ways to connect with people. Also I am love so it is impossible to live a life without love. I also believe that relationships are truly successful when two whole people come together. I detest the thought of coming together with another broken human being to get back a missing part of myself.

I intend to believe that I am whole.

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 11:34am
124: MissStix says:

FW

Finding wholeness within myself is a struggle while being in a relationship with someone I see as whole. I believe it is possible. I practice relying on myself for healing. Still a struggle. But I always say I don’t want the easy route.

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 11:37am
125: Daria says:

‘why would would you fake compassion if what you are feeling is anger? ‘

I want to fake it till I make it with compassion so that I can share THAT when I’m angry instead of shutdown or attack.

I noticed when I feel enraged the words that come to mind LOUDLY are attacks, defense… and they don’t help me feel connected after.

“Does it feel bad to you?”

yes

more recently i feel scared im gonna have a stroke, my head tightens up so much … and i remember my grandfather talking about that

i am feeling way more excited in being able to feel it

theres a feeling of powerlessness and hopelessness that accompanies it and i wonder if that’s what is really upsetting for me (uhh yeah it is)

“you believe you have to be perfect and have all of these skills perfected before you can be loved or lovable?”

welll… i feel confused… i guess i believe that i require these skills down pat to maintain a healthy relationship yes.

often men get REALLY close to me, FAST because i’m open and warm with them,

and then when i get attacky and blamy with them with my anger they poof

ive seen my parents fight my whole life

i feel sad

i feel so sad i feel like crying

i feel like running away from that

i feel frantic i dont fel it anymore

i feel scared about my parents marriage

i want to have a great relationship with my family

i feel so sad

i love my sdaneess adn that feels

klike

head hangy pouty teary

ilove my hangy pouty teary and that feels like

excitedment to start reading stuff that feels good

and sigh

i loce my excitement (and guilt) and sigh

nad that feels like giggle

and ugh

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 11:38am
126: FlowerChild77 says:

Radlove…I am very happy for you that you are spending time with R and enjoying it. I know how much that means to you. And I see the overall progress you’ve made using Rori’s tools.

I felt a little ‘off’ reading that you took your journal with you, as though it was some sort of court hearing/interrogation that you needed ‘evidence’ for.

If you’ve truly forgiven him and want to move on, I don’t see the point of hanging onto this so tightly. I’m thinking that he doesn’t “feel” forgiven and, perhaps, that is why he agreed to talk about it.

I’m very excited for you about your moving plans, etc. Organizing and clearing the house is something *I* need to do. I just can’t seem to “get going.” The “stuff” I need to go through is so emotionally charged that I’m actually scared of it.

Maybe reading about your experience and motivation will help me to get the ball rolling. I do realize that by ‘not’ doing this I am keeping my life in a holding pattern—there’s no ‘room’ for the good stuff to come in.

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 11:38am
127: MissStix says:

Sometimes I think I get too caught up in doing things in a way he will respond to positively.

Sometimes I feel fear to just be me and to heck with what he thinks.
Yet sometimes I feel completely free.

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 11:40am
128: bloom-ing says:

“I also believe that relationships are truly successful when two whole people come together. I detest the thought of coming together with another broken human being to get back a missing part of myself.”

i’m feeling connected to this writing…. with my first boyfriend… i suppose i was trying to “get” his confidence in being sensitive & creative. my second, his charisma & social abilities & again that confident out-of-the-box-ness….. more of that art world view….. with cd….. more of that confident out-of-the-box-ness….. more of that playful fun… conviction.

when i feel strong in myself, without a need for another person to “complete” me – then i can be a good partner

i’m feeling ok

why again do i have to leave?

ouch

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 11:41am
129: Radlove says:

Dark horse,

105 – Thanks for asking! Right now I am baking a healthy lunch – zucchini casserole. I looked up the recipe and it felt good to cook something out of the ordinary. Recently a food bank gave me a whole case of fresh zucchini! So I cut it up and froze it in zip loc bags and I am getting a lot of mileage out of it.

I need to redo my pedicure. I take walks with my dogs every day or every other day. I swim nearly every day. I spend too much time reading this blog! A bubble bath would feel nice. I listen to soothing music every day. I watch too many movies and am taking a break from that since my cable is now off, since I have such an overload of things to do to survive.

What the main thing is I’m going to do is clean and organize my house. It is more for functional feeling better than sensual feeling better, and it will give me a good feeling next time R comes over if it is neat and clean. He says he doesn’t mind, but Rori is right when she said it creates a romantic mood.

I also want to make time for more reading and relistening to Rori’s programs. Lucy who hasn’t been here much lately lent me her book, “the soulmate secret”, by Arielle Ford! I am also reading “The Princess Warrior”. It is uplifting stuff that really keeps me going.

The lady never set up the interview, even tho I both emailed her and called her. It is 25 min away.

“I felt very moved reading your account of r asking for a hug. He must feel safe with you. Do you feel safer with him?”

Thank you! Yes, it was one of the most meaningful things he’s done in a long time. Yes, it feels good to know he feels safe with me, and I feel safe with him too, which I didn’t in 2009. R gives the best hugs, too. In his words, he “hugs with love.”

You said, “We went on a tree hugging vacation once it was really great fun.”

Wow, that feels really exciting! I never heard of such a thing, and it makes me want to do the same!

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 11:42am
130: Daria says:

““no, you’ll just be too busy with other things.”

woman: ouch.. that feels bad

man: what?

woman: i felt weird and kinda icky hearing that

man: hearing what?

woman: breathe

man: i mean you’re the one leaving so im sure you’ll be busy with your friends and dating and stuff

woman: yeah, i feel excited about feeling busy… i feel sad and unheard and kinda mad

man: what are you mad about

woman: i feel bad saying i will miss you and feeling unheard a bit…

man: {surprise answer?}

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 11:43am
131: Laughing Goddess says:

I feel so tweaked out by this misspelling I keep seeing. Basically, there is this gathering happening called REJUVINATE

and everytime I see the posters for it, my mind starts skitzing and spinning, wondering if they misspelled it accidentally or intentionally.

And I start to feel kinda obsessed about it and it totally distracts me from everything else I am doing.

Awwww, I love my little spinning brain that just wants for everything to be right!

(((my brain)))

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 11:44am
132: bloom-ing says:

ok, little girl. please talk to me.

or… is it the woman ? help. you never ever speak.

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 11:44am
133: Daria says:

Darkhorse – i would take it as a sign that i overfunctioned offering to help him…

and i would do my best to work thru my guilt induced anxiety and let him know i no longer feel comfortable being in charge of set task

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 11:48am
134: Radlove says:

(((Emerson)))

107 – I feel so sad to hear that! It must feel awful when your own mother responds with such callousness. My Mom used to do that to a mild degree, much milder. But I really related when you said she asked an unrelated question.

As I gained healing and learned feeling messages, I started to say stuff like this:

I feel so isolated. I feel like I am screaming in the middle of a desert, and no one hears me. I need help.

Mom, at times I feel so disconnected from you, and I don’t want to feel that way with you. Sometimes I say things that are really deep hurts in my heart, and I feel unheard.

We have had many such discussions in the past 4 years especially, when I started talking a lot about my relationship with her to my therapist, who was also an older woman. She gave me ideas for ways to talk to her.

I have had many breakthrough moments with my Mom, and over my adult years, we have gone from never hugging and never saying I love you to hugging and saying I love you every time we see each other, which is about once a week. I also say I love you at the end of every phone call.

Several times, she has started to cry, saying, “B, I love you very much. I just don’t know how to say it sometimes. I never learned how to express emotions, and everyone in my family was so stoic. It was a sign of weakness to cry or express feelings of love. The language of my family is money. My Dad never said I love you, but he would help me with money now and then, and that’s the only way I knew he loved me.

“I don’t want to be that way with you, but it is so hard for me to say how I really feel. I don’t mean to be insensitive to you.”

Now she is 80, and we have many open, emotional conversations. She is not perfect, and neither am I. But we can freely express love, both verbally and by touches and hugs.

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 11:51am
135: Daria says:

*agreeing to help him

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 11:52am
136: smile says:

I’m crying. I feel my communication feels cold compared to how we used to communicate. I feel distant from him.

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 11:52am
137: smile says:

feminine woman, thank you. Thats one of the hardest things i have had to write.

I feel scared that i wont be tied to him anymore but i know deep down that this is what I need to do

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 11:55am
138: MissStix says:

I sat within my sickness surrounding my wedding and marriage for a while. I permitted myself to release it. Itty bitty baby steps. Tiny little bird bites.

I feel off since last night.

I have vague hazy sleepy memories of waking up desperately trying to snuggle G. I know he rolled me over and held me tight. Tears now. My wholeness does not lie within him. But he brings me such comfort.

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 11:57am
139: Femininewoman says:

Smile as Rori says in “Reconnect” it might have the effect of hooking him in.

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 11:59am
140: Daria says:

i guess i think that in order to have a healthy relationship i must NEVER EVER attack my partner

i know being attacked has ME feeling shut down – i haven’t talked to my godsister since new years after she yelled at me on the phone and i don’t feel ready to yet either

i’ve tapped on this a bit and theres other stuff like my guilt etc judgemetn of myself in this sitaution so that probably plays into it…

i feel desperate and ‘needy’ and i want an EFT person to help me

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 12:00pm
141: Dark horse says:

135 thanks Daria. Is it over functioning agreeing to help when he asks? I am a bit confused about that. I thought when they ask us to do something it is directional.

Also as I’ve agreed to do it should I do it or say I don’t want to do this anymore? It’s ok to change half way through?

Guilt induced anxiety very perceptive. Guilt he will get mad if I say no, punish me, ask someone else to do it, other woman fear.

Essentially I can’t do said task without his participation which is the macro and micro of the whole relationship and the problem in a nutshell

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 12:02pm
142: bloom-ing says:

my mom came into my bedroom & held my hand & helped me practice scripts.

she told me to say, ” when we decided to move in together, i know we were both hoping this would lead toward marriage…. & i really think you’re wonderful & i love & respect you…. but i don’t feel that we are moving toward marriage…. i’m not ready…. & i’ve decided to move back in with my family ”

gosh i’m just crying

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 12:02pm
143: Radlove says:

Miss Bells,

115 – Ok. When I said second class, I meant him dating OW right under your nose. Ouch. To me, first class would look like being treated like a princess and honored as the top woman in his life.

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 12:03pm
144: Dark horse says:

Daria I love that ‘i dont feel comfortable being in charge of said task’?….. I don’t mind participating in task it but I don’t want to be in charge of it which means having to lean forward. Oh thank you that cracked something for me. I don’t want to be given responsibility for it.

Now do I wait for him to ask is it done and be mad it’s not or lean forward and text I don’t want to be in charge of this anymore?

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 12:06pm
145: Radlove says:

FW,

121 – I feel you on that, and I did allow her to give me $20. But I am not going to take ALL her money. She loves to give, and she is so sweet in that regard.

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 12:07pm
146: MissStix says:

Maybe I just don’t want to ever be the Wife again.

Maybe that’s ok.

Why would it not be ok?

If G asked me to marry him today I would say no. I would say “I love you, and I want to enjoy my life with you in it, but I do not want a wedding. I do not want to be a wife.”

That feels freeing. I could shack up forever and feel content. That feels good to me! That does not feel gooey and black. It feels light and easy.

Am I simply running away from a piece of paper?

Oh ish! I am so confused.

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 12:08pm
147: Radlove says:

FW,

123 – Beautiful response! Thank you!

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 12:08pm
148: MissStix says:

Sometimes I imagine other ways to have a day of celebration…

“R____ and ____ invite you to share in a celebration of their love on their ___th anniversary.”

I could still have it in hawaii and wear my dress and party till the sun comes up!

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 12:17pm
149: smile says:

Feminine woman, there is still a lot of attraction there. I feel it is far from over in my heart. All I can do is keep riding on. Another benefit of me moving and not paying as much rent is that I might actually be able to afford to purchase more of roris work to help me grow more emotionally.

I feel appreciative of your support.

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 12:18pm
150: Radlove says:

FC,

126 – If you see my posts in yesterday’s thread, it was R who brought it up again, and I don’t feel a need to revisit it at all. What I have realized is that R keeps talking in generalities, and we go around and around Robin Hood’s barn, as my Mom would say.

In the interests of addressing the past issues using feeling messages, I feel a need to break it down…to be able to say, “When this happened, I felt this.”

Just to give you an idea, last night he said, “When you blew up that time in April 2009, after that point, I was just trying to get rid of you!”

That was a vast generality, and with his schizophrenia, his mind is confused and he doesn’t always remember things or remember them accurately.

I said, “Wait a minute, I remember, for just one example, of July 5th, 2009, when we had a wonderful time and we were together for about 8 hours. First we went to a coffee house, and that was the time you introduced me to your church, remember? Then afterward, we went to see the fireworks, and then we went back to my house.

“I remember you gazing at me for what felt like about 20 minutes, and then you said, ‘B, I care for you.’ I mean, that wasn’t pushing me away.”

It felt much more productive to talk about specific moments, and my memory is fading over time, too, so the journals are not for interrogation, simply for memory jogging.

I was not confrontational in the least. Rather, I stated, “Look, schizophrenia aside: with all my emotional damage and lack of relational skills, I consider it a miracle that you are still in my life at all! And I feel honored that after all this time, you are still in my life. I don’t want to lose you from my life. So I am here to get along with you, not to try to turn you off in any way.”

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 12:20pm
151: MissStix says:

I wonder if I am alone in my thought patterns and feelings about a contract to stay with a person.

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 12:20pm
152: smile says:

blooming I feel your pain. I believe we are crying in similar circumstances.

I feel we are lucky we have parents to go back home to.

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 12:23pm
153: Annie says:

820: Dominiquesays:

“Annie – 727 & 728 – Please know not all men want to do that, continue to go to strip clubs etc. And it also doesn’t mean that just because they choose or rather prefer not to go to places such as these, it doesn’t mean their sex drive is any lower either.

There are plenty of men out there for YOU, the kind of men who YOU want.

xxoo”

TY Dominique, I feel fragile at the moment, it feels good to hear what you wrote.
I know in my heart and soul that what you say is true. I just feel sad and believe they are the rare ones.

I want to wait for a man like that and I don’t want to throw my pearls before swine.

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 12:23pm
154: Femininewoman says:

MissStix you are not alone.

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 12:28pm
155: MissStix says:

Sometimes I feel as if I am reaching and reaching out for someone to just pick me up and say “It’s ok, you are ok”.

G gave me his hoodie last night after my last post on this blog. I had goosebumps and he just took it off and put it over my shoulders. I could smell him and I felt wrapped up in love and comfort.

“All I need in this life of sin…”

I still feel alone.

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 12:28pm
156: bloom-ing says:

annie,

i have been to a strip club with other men &, as april rose mentioned, it is not anything. mostly young silly men & then a few life-long stripper-lovers (who i hope never to date)

& i’ll say also that among the group i went with, only 1 was “enjoying” himself watching the women & he “takes shxt” for it forever after from that entire group of friends.

so not only does it seem Rare to me for men to pursue strip club scenarios, but the men who “love” that are socially ostracized even among other men it seems.

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 12:29pm
157: Radlove says:

Miss Stix,

146 – I would check out Dominique’s blog on marriage vs non marriage. She lived with her man I think about ten years before marrying recently. She wasn’t expecting to ever marry. If you click on her name on the blog, it will take you to her website, sexandheart.com. She talks a lot about it.

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 12:30pm
158: bloom-ing says:

Miss Stix

“I wonder if I am alone in my thought patterns and feelings about a contract to stay with a person.”

i feel curious about what this “means”….

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 12:30pm
159: bloom-ing says:

oh, marriage papers ?

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 12:30pm
160: Radlove says:

Miss Stix,

148 – I want to marry very much. My idea is to have a simple, inexpensive, brief wedding, and then a lavish, expensive, long honey moon! LOL!

To me, it’s about US, not everyone else! I just want to celebrate with my man!

I envision us in a beach house by a private beach in Hawaii, spending most of our time in bed enjoying each other’s bodies and presence…just pillow talking, cuddling, and making mad, passionate love at any and all hours!

Then in between, taking long, slow walks, arm in arm, on the beach, and going on boat rides, snorkeling, and seeing the sights. I am a bundle of romance!

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 12:33pm
161: bloom-ing says:

(((((((smile)))))))

i feel curious… do you live with a man?

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 12:33pm
162: bloom-ing says:

i want a month-long honeymoon so i can watch the whole cycle of the moon & bless it sweet

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 12:35pm
163: Radlove says:

Smile,

152 – Yes, you are fortunate to have parents to go home to. I had that for years. When my Mom and I moved out of our last house, and she ended up getting an apartment at a retirement community, it hit me that I couldn’t run home anymore. I have felt so insecure!

I want to be independent and financially stable, but my struggle continues for one reason or another. I hope and pray this is the last time.

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 12:35pm
164: MissStix says:

Femininewoman

Thank you.

More tears now. Gawd. I feel angry at ex husband for the first time in a long time. I want to blame blame blame! “You stole this from me!!!”

He sent me an email not so long ago. An apology. Long awaited. But it just fell flat. I told him not to let what happened with us bring him down more. What I wanted to say was:

“It took getting cheated on to know what you did to me?? And how do you even know?? Is she your first love?? Did you spend nearly 8 years with her and marry her for her to get bj’s and sex from your brothers’ girlfriend?? No??? Then don’t tell me you know how I “must have felt” now and don’t tell me your sorry. A$$hole.”

Whew. That felt kinda goid to get off my chest.

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 12:36pm
165: Belle says:

Daria

130
My face broke out into a big grin and I felt all surrounded by starlight and giggly when I read this post.

It’s so interesting being a woman and feeling all of these feelings that lead one to another to another to another! It feels good to read, it reminds me of how quickly mine can go from despair to giggly and I love it.

Something I learned from “Men are from Mars/Women are from Venus” is to pace.

They say men are like blowtorches and women are like ovens. So men will blowtorch in the beginning and it’s our job to set the pace and go slow, so we don’t burn out like fireworks.

For me that looks like – nothing longer than a 3-hour date, period. No “oh this is crazy and I know we just met but let’s spend the weekend together!” kinds of things. No more than 2 dates per week with the same person. Phone conversations top out at an hour (an hour is stretching it for me, I start to need space usually after 30 minutes).

Even with my friends, I know if I spend a weekend camping with friends, I will need to make time for space sometime during and after. Lots of closeness without time for integration makes me snappy and prickly and mean. Kind of like having low blood sugar, lol. That doesn’t feel the same as anger to me, though, it just feels like “crazy lady alarm letting me know my boundaries are being violated (or that it’s way past time to eat!).”

Gay Hendricks talks about having a rhythm of closeness/space/closeness/space
the closer we get right way, the further we want to run and get our space back.

Going slow and being mysterious and leaving them wanting more are lovely feminine qualities.

The last man I dated was so shocked that I had such good boundaries. “What feels really good to me is to be ready to go home by 9, what do you think?”

Which kind of cracks me up thinking about how crappy my boundaries are with C at work, oy.

Messy contradictions
Resolving themselves the less I struggle with them <3

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 12:36pm
166: Annie says:

822: Dominique says:

“Annie – #734 – Yes indeed, yet also there is some deeper healing in there for you as well. If this triggers you SO much, can you ask yourself why? I’m not saying that this is okay behavior for a man, nor am I saying that you would have to accept a man who behaves like this.

But I am saying that there is something really profound for you to heal. Can you imagine yourself full into your sexuality, unbridled and free? Can you imagine yourself as one of those strippers?

Can you feel compassion for them? Sisterhood?”

xxoo

Yes I can imagine it Dominique, there for the grace of God go I.
When I was younger my ‘friend’ got me some work abroad as a dancer not stripping that was supposed to be just that and was right on the edge of crossing over onto that line.
It felt awful I was one of the older girls looked years younger.
One poor girl was only sixteen.
Our passports were taken off us and money withheld and then we were told to sit and have drinks with men which was not in our contract and the men tried to touch us.
I would not have it and stood my ground and also protected the younger girl.
I felt sick and terrified ended up getting my passport back when the man wasn’t looking and thank god my family managed to get me a plane ticket waiting at airport I had to do a runner.
The British embassy didn’t give a f*ck and didn’t help me.
So yes I feel compassion for my sisters.
I feel disgust and revulsion and repelled for any of the men who are in these places who have wives etc.
And the men who run these places.

xx

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 12:36pm
167: smile says:

blooming

I did, I live in the 2nd house we had together. He moved out at xmas which brought me to the blog.

He still has a lot of stuff here though and it has been hard to move forward. I am going to move back to my mums to save money and so I dont feel tied to him anymore. We also have the shared house deposit in his name.

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 12:39pm
168: smile says:

he is in the wall we painted, the furniture we chose together…i want to feel free

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 12:41pm
169: MissStix says:

Radlove

That sounds blessedly peaceful, and wonderful!

I imagine sometimes just running away with my man to make love all day. On the beach, under waterfalls under the open night sky surrounded by nothing but the universe. Peace.

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 12:44pm
170: bloom-ing says:

i feel “caught” in my house. like a little bird with a hundred tethers tied to her feet

i want to live in the trees, Outside the Tower

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 12:47pm
171: smile says:

Radlove, it feels like you are focused. I feel relieved you are not in immediate threat of eviction.

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 12:48pm
172: Belle says:

Daria

140

Not that long ago I called my close friend/former fiance and attacked him like crazy.

He is magic, too, like me, and said, “I see all of these darts coming at me and turning into tennis balls and falling on a soft, cushiony pillow marked, “This has nothing to do with me.”

I was dumbfounded…and relieved.
That attacking part of me wanted to be loved and handled, and he did it perfectly.
It also reflected the crazy back to ME, and I could clearly see all of the accusations were me talking to myself and I could hear ME.
More relief.

There are men who can love and handle our attackyness.
I don’t think it’s unhealthy to have that come up every now and then. When both people are clear that none of it is personal and dedicated to being in a space of love for each other, it can be different.

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 12:49pm
173: bloom-ing says:

HOW can i walk away from this ?

keeps playing in my head

how did you walk away from j? how did you walk away from h?

with boundaries, & with a clear vision of what my needs are & how i feel best to meet them for myself.

my mama laughed at me last night & said, “baby, you don’t want to marry your high school boyfriend, believe me” & i laughed too…. time goes forward & somehow i go with it…..

some of these i’m catching some beliefs i don’t “hold” anymore, but i’m just …. wind kicking up leaves in a parking lot …. it is what it is

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 12:52pm
174: Radlove says:

Miss Stix,

169 – Oh yesss!

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 12:52pm
175: Radlove says:

Smile,

171 – Yes, thank you! I feel so relieved!

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 12:53pm
176: MissStix says:

When I told my mom about his apology she said:

“You know I will always have love fir that boy but gee isn’t kharma a b!tch!” Then she cackled. Literally. I smile now. She uplifts me even if she has to grab me by the toes and do it upside down and backwards.

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 12:53pm
177: Laughing Goddess says:

Reading more about choosing relationship…

Some questions Rori says to ask ourselves

“Are you more attached to your possessions, ideas, opinions, independence, freedom and life style than you are to the idea of relationship with all its messy physicality and messy emotions?”

“Am I willing to let someone who is not completely perfect into my life?”

And she says when things aren’t going well we tend to get into fight or flight mode. She says many of us bounce back and forth between the two, fight and flight and that we are often one-foot-in and one-foot-out of the relationship.

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 12:54pm
178: Jilly says:

So when Rugby Man came to visit me at school…

I had just finished an appt with a male client and I walked out to the reception area and Rugby Man was there as a surprise!!!

This male client said,”Your wife just hurt me!!!” in a sarcastic voice (I was assisting the doctor with botox and jerviderm)

Rugby Man…stood there and said out loud “my wife”…and my friend said it sounded like he was trying it out and liked it…

I felt like I was under water and trying to hear if he was going to freak out or deny or something of that nature…

even though we’ve talked about it…and I feel that’s what we are moving towards…if he had a “negative” reaction…well…that would tell me something…but my friend said…he sounded like he was trying it on and liked the sound of it…he didn’t deny it either…I feel smiley about that…

In a LOA concept…I can look at it as seeing evidence of my desires..I like that too!!

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 12:58pm
179: smile says:

We communicated ok in the end. I am not sure how I feel about it anymore?

He said he understands and he is sorry about everything. He said he will come and make it a strumming man free zone. whilst he can take away his pocessions, the house will never be free from him. this is why I am moving. I dont want to feel stuck.

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 1:00pm
180: bloom-ing says:

daria, can i email you?

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 1:01pm
181: smile says:

I just replied thank you.

I resisted the feeling of control. It feels so hard not to ask when he is coming and to make arrangements but i know this is my masculine side coming through which is where it went wrong in the first place. i am learning.

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 1:02pm
182: Laughing Goddess says:

Woah, I’m feeling kinda blown away by how amazing Rori’s e-book is. It’s been a while since I have read it and I feel like I am seeing it with new eyes as my circumstances have changed so much since I first read it.

I feel excited and inspired to apply what I am learning to my life!!! Weeeeeeeeeeee!!!

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 1:03pm
183: Femininewoman says:

RE 169 MissStix truly, it felt boring to me. I felt like running away when I read it. I want more, exciting, full out life. Traveling from one place to the next, experiencing new things and new people with the romance as the cherry on top of it all. I want a big juicy life.

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 1:06pm
184: Calypso says:

Talking about men still being in the house we shared with them . . .

I live in a home that my ex-husband has never been in, but the furtiture and many of the things i own we bought together and had together as a couple, including the bed i still sleep in. none of it bothers me, but I just realized the other day that I have a dozen pictures of him in the house. There are a couple on the fridge when the boys were small and a few in the hallway froma trip to disney and some more in the bonus room of us all horseback riding.

My sister is coming to visit me next weekend and i suddenly saw all of this through her eyes – she will have a dang fit when she sees his pictures. It just doesn’t bother me – he is the father of my 3 sons who all live with me and he was my husband for 23 years – whatever. i don’t love him and i don’t hate him.

I guess I should take them down at some point, but I’m just going to do it gradually, by replacing them with more current pics of me and the boys.

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 1:11pm
185: Jilly says:

((((blooming))))

Laughing Goddess…yay!!!

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 1:11pm
186: MissStix says:

FW

I see and feel where you’re coming from.

I think maybe i’ve had enough fullness and juicyness. Peace and quiet beauty excite me now.

I had a european honeymoon with several countries and no time. I thought I was living it up. It unraveled just weeks after we returned.

Yes. Peace. Time. Calm. Sounds and sensations.

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 1:12pm
187: Tam says:

ooh, a lot of activity on the blog..and a lot of pain..
today.
(((Sirens)))
I am feeling a little blue too..

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 1:12pm
188: Femininewoman says:

Calypso look at it through eyes of “what message am I sending to the Universe” by keeping them up. I see this as a possible block to love. I recently cleaned out my place of pictures and I have dated a man who cleaned his whole life out. His philosophy “I don’t want to be reminded of unhappiness”.

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 1:14pm
189: MissStix says:

I love the diversity of thoughts and desires. I don’t feel alone in this moment.

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 1:15pm
190: Femininewoman says:

MissStix I understand. I am naturally drawn to travel and adventure. I was part of my life intention to begin again for this New Year.

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 1:16pm
191: MissStix says:

Thank you ((((sirens))))

Thank you (((tam))) for your ability to see deeply in that picture on fb. That brought me more comfort than you know. Just to know someone could see me.

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 1:17pm
192: smile says:

calypso, I think it would feel different with children. I would maybe keep the pictures if they dont bother you, how would the boys feel if you took them down?

My mum and dad recently divorced after 30 years. My mum is now engaged again and my dad lives with his partner. We often have family get togethers with everyone! mostly at birthdays or an occasion, but the isnt always a reason. I value this sooo much from my parents that they can be civil and etc. through my eyes I think your boys might value that you can have the photos up for them.

it would be different if you still had feelings attached to this though, wanting more? if not I think its okay. Just my opinion. what do you think?

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 1:18pm
193: bloom-ing says:

daria, i just emailed you : ) don’t feel pressured to reply, please, but i’d feel glad to hear your feelings : )

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 1:20pm
194: MissStix says:

mmm yes femininewoman. I desire travel too. Just in a much different way than I used to. I want to smell the air and feel the different weather. I want to revel in the way powdery sand feels on my toes. I want to sink into a hotspring in iceland. I want to float down a river through caves in belize. I want to make quiet love with my partner under the stars. I want to bathe in a waterfall. Maybe that will change again over time.

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 1:22pm
195: smile says:

eeek control freak breaking out… warning warning!

I didn’t feel like the conversation felt over. I feel like I want to lean forward. I am sitting on my hands big time lol. I can hear my conscious shouting noooooooooo.

I want to tell him when is a good time for me to pick his stuff up. I feel fear that he will just show up.

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 1:23pm
196: smile says:

I feel like distracting my thoughts

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 1:23pm
197: smile says:

I have just come back from a travelling adventure. It would feel light hearted to share my experience of having a haman in morocco yesterday.

Has any other siren ever had one?

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 1:25pm
198: smile says:

*hamam

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 1:27pm
199: Tam says:

((((Miss Stix))))

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 1:28pm
200: Imogen says:

Bloom-ing, is there a reason you don’t use capital letters? It drives me crazy.

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 1:37pm
201: smile says:

The basic idea of a hamam is that you get steamy, someone scrubs the dead skin off your body and then washes you.

well… I did not feel prepared for this at all! I THOUGHT it would be relaxing, however I couldnt be far wrong. In my innocense I did not anticipate being naked with my 2 best friends whilst being surrounded by naked moroccan women. I felt uncomfortable yet giggly in my naked skin. I felt uncertain as to what would happen. Then a moroccon woman called my friend over, lay her over her knee and starting scrubbing with such vigour. It felt surreal, then it was my turn. We both giggled our heads off as were lay naked over the ladies legs whilst she scrubbed away.

My skin felt beautifully smooth afterwards but oh what an experience!

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 1:41pm
202: bloom-ing says:

Imogen,

i love capital letters so much that i like to conserve them so that they get an extra Punch when i do use them : )

to me, it looks like tall mountains. i like the rolling hills : ))))

i feel excited to be asked about that !!

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 1:42pm
203: Tam says:

actually, I feel stuck and I feel anger.
Strange.
Because I am not really stuck.
It might be because I leant forward yesterday with the message regarding the operation…I felt concern and would have felt better, had I hear that ‘all was well’.
I am super-turned off, like my concern was disrespected. Yes, I feel unheard and disrespected.
Not even in a romantic way.
If I sent one of my female friends and email wishing them good luck for a little operation, and asked them that it would feel good to let me know all went well when finished and at home, I’d be majorly pi***d if I had heard nothing. Really.
Next time he can have all his insides taken out and I will not feel compelled to inquire. Seriously.
What was the previous post: ‘forget about him’.
La – ti – da….off I skip….

and no, I do not feel like helping him at all anymore, next time he asks I will ask for the conditions and if it is a side job – I need the money and can’t waste time on dilly-dallying when I could be working instead.

That would feel good!!

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 1:42pm
204: bloom-ing says:

smile, that story is hilarious. that sounds really loving for someone else to scrub you like a bad baby : ) how sweet !

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 1:44pm
205: smile says:

go tam! I love the expression dilly dallying

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 1:45pm
206: Tam says:

I’d feel all sexy and turned on if a man would reply:

‘Tam, thank you for your concern, all went well and I am at home resting’
or something to the effect.

That’s the kind of man I want in my life.

Else, I skip along happily and get to meet lots and lots of loooooooooovely men

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 1:45pm
207: Tam says:

205…smile, it’s great isn’t it?! Except when you’ve been exposed to too much dilly dallying

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 1:46pm
208: smile says:

blooming

The old moroccan lady kept squeezing my cheek like a grandma would and kissing my forehead to check I was okay! well i guess its one way to communicate when you dont speak the same language!

I still feel giggly at the thought of what happened. I innocently thought I was going for a massage lol!

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 1:48pm
209: Radlove says:

BLOOMING,

202 – LOLOLOLOL! YOU ARE SO STINKIN CUTE! :LOL:

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 1:49pm
210: smile says:

tam, yes, dilly dallying can feel frustrating!

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 1:49pm
211: Tam says:

210…indeed..unless, well unless we turn the tables and do a bit of dilly dallying. I shall be indulging in a little dilly dallying perhaps….dipping my toes into this and that…hmmmmm
yes, why not.

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 1:53pm
212: Daria says:

Darkhorse – “It’s ok to change half way through?”

yes a Goddess gets to change her mind at any time depending on her feelings, no explanation needed….
‘i dont feel good doing this anymore’

sticking it through is masculine

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 1:54pm
213: Heart says:

Smile – that spa-scrub thing sounds amazing! I want to visit Morocco.

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 1:54pm
214: smile says:

tam, that makes me feel like singing tra la la la la whilst dilly dallying!

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 1:56pm
215: Tam says:

214…yes, tra la la was something that actually sprung to my mind the other day…skipping, singing tra la la and dilly dallying…that would feel good.

Daria:
‘yes a Goddess gets to change her mind at any time depending on her feelings, no explanation needed….
‘i dont feel good doing this anymore’ ‘
- that’s the salient point – I couldn’t have said it better. I loooooove this!!

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 1:58pm
216: smile says:

Heart, if you want an adventure and to experience a completley different culture (I’m English) then Morocco is your place. It feels so fun but in a scary, unknown way. it would have felt easier if I could speak french.

Lots of the spas are just like ones you get in hotels, but we went to a traditional one used by the locals, a complete feel for the culture.

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 1:59pm
217: smile says:

mmm it would feel great to dilly dally and change my mind if i felt i wanted to

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 2:02pm
218: MissStix says:

omg

smile
bloom-ing
tam
daria
radlove

you girls are making me giggle!

Dilly dally and tra lala and MOUNTAINOUS capitol letters and old ladies scrubbing bad babies *giggles* and goddess gets to change her mind whenever she wants! Stinkin cute.

So. Much. Love!

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 2:11pm
219: Calypso says:

I don’t think the boys will mind me replacing the pics of their dad with newer ones of them and us – they can go see their dad in person anyt ime they want.

The reason i know my sister will pitch a fit is that she will look at it throught he eyes of a potential lover in my life- what will he think of so many pics on my ex still hanging after we have been divorced for years . . .

Now that you mention it also sending a signal to the Universe . . . yikes – I do need to clean them out. I’ll make it a project. Maybe i can get a bunch of new pics this weekend at the cabin and on the boat – celebrating my son going away to boot camp.

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 2:11pm
220: Smile says:

Calypso, I feel a spring clean in the air! Even though it’s summer lol!

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 2:19pm
221: Laughing Goddess says:

Awww, hugs to myself. Feeling like a bit of an outcast today, yet also seeing how I contribute to it and how in some ways I want it, so that I don’t have to get caught up in things that might not feel good to me.

I also can see how I am attracting this feeling of not belonging because I truly don’t really want to be caught up on the computer today.

I would much rather be listening to music, dancing around my house, beautifying.

or being outside, laughing with some friends.

or being caught up in a creative passion.

or making love.

so many things I would rather be doing right now, so it makes sense that this situation isn’t really working for me.

Perhaps the universe is hinting to me, hey girl, this isn’t your vibe right now. Go do something different!

Okay, I hear you, uni. Gonna chase my bliss somewhere else today.

But hmmmm, where to start?

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 2:20pm
222: Smile says:

Out with the old, in with the new

A face lift

A revamp

A fresh start

Clear the cobwebs away

Start as you mean to go on

Turn over a new leaf

Open the door to a new beginning

A fresh start

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 2:24pm
223: April Rose says:

Hi Imogen

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 2:24pm
224: MissStix says:

LG

Your post speaks to me! I am dancing around right now cheering up. I am leaving soon to be outside.

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 2:24pm
225: Smile says:

222- smile, count me in!

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 2:25pm
226: Calypso says:

Smile – I can feel it coming too

I have been doing a lot of that lately anyway, which is how I suddenly realized how many pics i still had of him anyway – I actually had some in my bedroom on a book shelf that I never looked at – yikes! That can’t be good ~ I got those put away that day!

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 2:26pm
227: Smile says:

I feel too giggly to go to bed. I might read my book. It would feel relaxing. Night sirens 

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 2:27pm
228: Laughing Goddess says:

Yay Miss Stix!!!

I’m feeling very stuck and bored today.

Really wanting to shift it.

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 2:27pm
229: Tam says:

I just raised my degree of difficulty up another notch.
MrP is up the creek without a paddle.
Aw. And he doesn’t even know it yet

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 2:35pm
230: MissStix says:

LG

Me too. Well stuck anyway. And “off”.

Where does my cheery self go sometimes?

I realize now that I have passed a solid 7 hours online. Frightening! On that note…

What is this bright light burning my eyes? Oh it’s the sun I’d like to re-acquaint myself with it :p

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 2:38pm
231: Laughing Goddess says:

Miss Stix:

Have fun!!!

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 2:42pm
232: Smile says:

What to do with thoughts of him, when he enters your head!

I just read this in my book and I felt an urge to share it with you.

I didn’t like thinking about Adam. It didn’t make me feel happy. It felt painful. If he accidentally strayed into my head, he didn’t last 5 seconds, a bit like an overboard sailor in the icy waters of the Antarctic. Alarms would go off and a couple of burly security guards would be sent to chuck him out double fast.

Not bad advice from a girlie chick flick!

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 2:44pm
233: Radlove says:

Calypso,

219 – I would remove the pictures with your ex in them if for no other reason than to make room for my new love, energetically.

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 2:49pm
234: Radlove says:

In my quest for organization at my house, I just cleaned and sorted my food cupboards. I have it all organized now so I know what’s in there and where to reach for it. Yay me!

And I did some cooking, and I”m about to go swimming. But I wonder if anyone has any ideas how to make home fries taste like those at the restaurant? What is the trick?

I sliced a baked potato, fried it on medium heat in oil with onions, and it is mush. I guess I need higher heat? Any other tricks?

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 2:51pm
235: Heart says:

#216 – Smile – will keep it in mind!

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 2:53pm
236: Calypso says:

Radlove – I agree – can’t wait to do it now!

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 2:54pm
237: Smile says:

Radlove, I do them in the oven. I slice the potato, brush with oil, sprinkle with paprika if I fancy then wack em in oven for 20mins on a hot heat to make them go crispy!

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 2:58pm
238: Smile says:

Sweet potatoes are delicious!

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 2:59pm
239: Heart says:

Sirens – this is a relationship forum…Not a cooking show
but yes
sweet
potatoes
are
very
delicious

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 3:02pm
240: dark horse says:

thank you daria. that makes sense. my feelings fluctuate all the time, i thought for stability i had to make a decision and stick to it but i see that it can change based on circumstances and my feelings around them.

i don’t want ‘sticking it out’ i want to feel good and appreciated and valued and seen and taken jewelry shopping instead of sticking it out doing boring financial tasks to show my love .. ugh.

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 3:03pm
241: dark horse says:

radlove i am impressed that you organized all your food!

i put the oven on very hot say 450, slice the potatoes, drizzle some oil and salt and pepper on them and leave them in there until crispy.

i also slice the potato in half and then slice it all along the top but not all the way down so its like an accordion … put a knob of butter on top and then later some parmesan or grated cheese .. yum! good with sour cream too …

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 3:05pm
242: Heart says:

#232 Smile – where is that from?

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 3:08pm
243: Smile says:

Heart 239

This made me feel giggly, I actually started laughing.

It’s also about what makes us feel good. Even if it’s not a person. Sweet potatoes make my tastebuds feel satisfied.

What feels good to you?

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 3:10pm
244: Radlove says:

Smile,

237 – Sounds good! Thank you! Yes, I like sweet potatoes, too!!!

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 3:11pm
245: Tam says:

I am the sweet potato….
(doesn’t quite have the same ring to it as yummy pie..)

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 3:12pm
246: Smile says:

Heart Marian Keyes, watermelon, pg 485.

I bought a chick flick from the airport. Thoroughly enjoying it. Not read one in a while

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 3:12pm
247: Radlove says:

Dark horse,

241 – Oooh, that sounds gooood!

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 3:12pm
248: Radlove says:

I am the strawberry cheesecake! Oops, no, that won’t work – I look too much the shape of a cheesecake right now.

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 3:13pm
249: Heart says:

# 243 – Smile :
CuddleyGrinch feels so Good.
lol!

But Enough about men. Hmmm light breeze feels good…males my skin feel tingly.

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 3:14pm
250: Smile says:

245 Tam, my chuckle button was pressed with this comment. I’m giggling all over the show tonight! Feels like my shackles are being lifted.

Thanks sirens

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 3:15pm
251: Heart says:

makes…not males…LOL! …oh god…

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 3:15pm
252: Heart says:

#245 haha! Tam

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 3:18pm
253: Smile says:

Heart you have males on the brain! Ha!

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 3:18pm
254: Tam says:

Ah smile, great! I am back to giggling too….especially as there are 4 men on POF and three male friends on fb counting down the days till I get to Fl.
Hilarious…and great, just in case I forget when the time comes to go to the airport. This is funny!!!

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 3:18pm
255: Smile says:

Radlove- I had to get a tissue to wipe my laughter tears away.

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 3:19pm
256: Heart says:

Smile – it was a typo!…honest (freudian typo …)

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 3:21pm
257: Tam says:

I feel a sulk from MrP over the recent discovery of my POF profile….let’s assume he really hasn’t seen it before, or for a long time..it would explain a lot…..well, matey, got to start swimming in the pool with the other fishies now…

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 3:21pm
258: Smile says:

May our laughter, smiles and giggle vibes radiate out of us!

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 3:23pm
259: Smile says:

Tam… MrP?

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 3:31pm
260: Heart says:

MrPotato

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 3:36pm
261: Tam says:

We renamed him from Mr Unavailable to Mr Persistent since he keeps popping up.
The latest, guess you were on holiday, is that he wants to know when I am coming back and whether I can help him with selling his stuff..I don’t know yet.
His way of saying ‘I want to see you’
But tired of having to translate everything!

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 3:39pm
262: Emerson says:

Lg and Radlove thank you for your words and advice….

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 3:40pm
263: Tam says:

Hahahaaaaaaaaaa Heart, I just had a laughing fit!!! Mr Potato – haaaaa!!

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 3:40pm
264: Tam says:

This is beautiful…he’s gonna go into a double sulk now because everybody knows exactly when I am back and he doesn’t – one of our friends will tell him and he will sulk forever now because I am ‘secretive’ with him apparently…

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 3:43pm
265: Emerson says:

234 Radlove try using regular butter to fry them

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 3:44pm
266: Tam says:

While he’ll be a-sulking I’ll be frollicking

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 3:44pm
267: Daria says:

Brenda – Id cook the potatoes raw, not after baking…

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 3:46pm
268: Tam says:

Yes, raw….for the cooking show, not the men

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 3:48pm
269: Dominique says:

April Rose – 96 – I used to have this problem but found with those have a good connection with, really only K, I sleep beautifully if not better with him there. It’s like energies meshing, and sometimes when I have trouble sleeping, his energy soothes me back to sleep.

xxoo

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 3:49pm
270: Smile says:

Tam, ah a name change feels appropriate.

Loving your style, feels flouncy! (if that’s even a feeling lol)

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 3:50pm
271: Daria says:

fry the potatoes

i feel cruious to fry them in lard when i get home that will be yummy… actually i have goose fat from my mom cooking goose on thankgiving

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 3:50pm
272: Smile says:

I like hearts name suggestion. Mr potato lol.

Tam, 268- my cheeks are cramped from laughing.

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 3:52pm
273: Heart says:

Yea Tam…I agree with Smile….he needs a new name.

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 3:53pm
274: dark horse says:

mr potato is pretty funny!!!

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 3:54pm
275: Heart says:

Tam – not Mr.Potato though…Lol Smile

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 3:56pm
276: Smile says:

Still giggling my head off

Heart, he went from being MrU to MrP while I was on my hols, which is why I was confused,

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 3:57pm
277: Tam says:

I am feeling flouncy…I have no idea how that feels!!! We can make it up!
MrPotato…hmmm… Poor guy, ha!!
I can think of lots of words with a P now but it would gete stuck in moderation…ahem!

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 3:58pm
278: Dominique says:

Miss Stix – I feel concerned that you think you are not whole and that others are. Healing is a life long process. There will always be things to work on, and this is a good thing, a great thing.

You CAN come together with a man and still have plenty to work on. When K and I came together, I was an awful mess and had a whole lot of stuff to deal with inside myself. Though we were good from the beginning, things only got hugely, wonderfully better the more I healed. And he healed right along with me.

xxoo

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 3:58pm
279: Tam says:

He’s had a new name, how many new names does one need?! You see, now he is getting too much attention from you lot too, MrPain in the…..brain?!

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 4:01pm
280: Smile says:

I feel satisfied I’ve finished my book. Sleep would feel great right now. Laughing feels exhausting lol. Night sirens. I feel thankful for the giggles.

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 4:02pm
281: Tam says:

Going to sleep before I start dragging the blog down with more silliness…night my lovelies!!! X

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 4:03pm
282: Radlove says:

Emerson,

265 – Thanks!

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 4:04pm
283: Tam says:

Oh smile, great minds think alike

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 4:04pm
284: Radlove says:

Daria,

267 – Ok, thanks!

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 4:04pm
285: Smile says:

Dominique, thankyou for this final though before I sleep. 278

Even though it’s for miss stix, it reminds me of the advice you have helped me with in past posts about healings.

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 4:05pm
286: Radlove says:

I think I’m such a wonderful person!

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 4:06pm
287: Emerson says:

Radlove thanks for the ideas about communicating with moms. My mom does a lot of shutting down and zoning out even when im really using feeling messages and acting calm. If she had to deal with anyone’s feelings but her own.. She’s not able to.

She on the other hand cries at the drop of a hat and is sarcastic (angry, passive aggressive). When things are fine and emotionally neutral she is just about the nicest person you could meet.

I guess I have to accept her for how she is. I feel empty not having a mom that can handle emotion. My dad is pretty awesome though.

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 4:10pm
288: Daria says:

I think im a wonderful person too!

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 4:10pm
289: LoveAlways says:

Hi Sirens:

Tonight I am leaning back, putting some space between me and HScd. While he leans in hard, I feel a rubberband situation about to happen. I know this can be negative voices working on me, so I’m just going to lean back and take some time to myself – keeping busy to keep a bit of distance for today. hhhmmmmmm

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 4:13pm
290: Emerson says:

I feel panicky and competetive with people. I feel scared that I will never reach my goals.

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 4:15pm
291: Emerson says:

It’s been a rough day

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 4:17pm
292: MissStix says:

Dominique

Thank you! This makes perfect sense to me.

Yep…So much sense that I have nothing else to say Just thanks!

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 4:31pm
293: Daria says:

yay i just did my 2 minute movement and i am now HEALTHILY provided for!

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 4:32pm
294: Daria says:

Daria takes loving care of me

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 4:33pm
295: MissStix says:

Dear MissStix

Stop force feeding yourself healing, and just live your life happily.

Am I resistant to being without problems to work on…Interesting thought.

Just the other day I felt like I was really “getting it”. Just let yourself get it. Why the worry?

No regrets. No more issues. Tantalizing! I like that thought.

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 4:37pm
296: LoveAlways says:

((((((((Emerson))))))))

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 4:37pm
297: FlowerChild77 says:

Daria…what is your “2 minute movement”? Just curious…

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 4:50pm
298: Dominique says:

Radlove – 234 – Try slicing then very thinly, and place on a buttered or oiled piece of tin foil or a baking sheet, and bake at 400 until browned and crispy. Be careful not to burn them. Sprinkle fresh or dried herbs over top before baking if you like. Or salt and/or pepper.

xxoo

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 5:05pm
299: Dominique says:

Smile and Miss Stix –

xxoo

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 5:09pm
300: Radlove says:

Emerson,

287 – That is hard. I feel for you.

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 5:13pm
301: Radlove says:

Daria,

288 – LOL! I think Miss Stix, BLOOM-ING, Emerson, Feminine Woman, Dominique, Rori, Laughing Goddess, Calypso, Heart, Dark horse, Belle, April Rose, Miss Bells, Smile, FlowerChild, Annie, Jilly, Tam, Imogen, Butterfly Wings, Emoticon, Francesca, and all the other Sirens are wonderful women!!!

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 5:20pm
302: Radlove says:

Dominique,

298 – Thank you! Sounds mouth watering!

I really appreciate all the wonderful ideas for potatoes today! I’m going to save them all in my computer “recipe” file folder and try them these different ways now and then!

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 5:30pm
303: Brandylion says:

FW #42 & 48:

I felt such a pang of fear reading your comment about what one might have to give up to choose relationship, and then I read:

“You give up sleeping by yourself
You give up making decisions by yourself
You give up going off on your own with noone to answer to.
You give up spending all your money on whatever you want, whenever you want.

There is a lot you give up/tradeoffs to create harmony in a partnership.”

and I didn’t feel afraid anymore. I didn’t even think about those kinds of things as things I’d have to give up to choose relationship, and they are all things I feel good about giving up/trading off.

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 5:32pm
304: Jilly says:

(((Radlove))))

Dominique…I love that…Rugby Man’s energy is very soothing to me too!!!

So this post really resonates with me…

This morning Rugby Man sent me my good morning text, since he’s gone for a week, and he said he hopes that I am having a better time than him.

I expressed “yes, things feel really good here, what’s going on down there baby?”

He said things were taking longer and not going smoothly…

I replied that if anyone can make things run smoothly it’s him

He responded with “thanks baby, I hope that ends up being true”

Then later today he texted to let me know that he DID fix the problem!! oooohhhh…he’s my hero…I feel so smiley and melty seeing him all “puffed up” and doing a good job…

((((MEN)))))

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 5:36pm
305: Daria says:

Flower Child – it’s primary back stretch from T-tapp

it feels SOOOO healing my shoulder was hurting all year and then my arms and wrists were starting to after prolonged computer use

i did it on 3 separate days and now yay it feels all healed even after lots of compy!

and the rest of my body feels ??Yummy strong

except i feel a bit sad that its making my legs a bit skinny over the kneee

love to me even skinny

(((Daria)))

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 6:05pm
306: Femininewoman says:

(((Brandylion)))

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 6:38pm
307: luzydel says:

The more I settle to live my present and accept things as they are, the less pressure I feel in my chest. I am single and I love being single, I am happy for what I have, my potential to take care of me.

I am accepting my solitude and I am happy…

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 6:52pm
308: Daria says:

Daria thanks for considering a way to honor my intention about my desired shape i wish to radiate and also my health and great feelings

i hear the nvs taht their not compatible and i am reminding myself that that’s not true

actually i bet i can get even more in charge of my shape by practicing with awareness

i can tweak my movements and change it

yes if i add the extra moves i will get the nice thick thigh shape and i dont have to worry about lean thigs

oh im so sorry you feel bad daria i know how much you love your thick thighs

((((Daria))))

i don’t want to stop doing the movements this time, that didnt feel good

what will feel good is i promise to do the movement that also keeps your thighs thick

AND that will feel fun!

yay

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 7:21pm
309: Radlove says:

I struggle with stuck energy all the time. I feel very resistant to washing the dishes right now.

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 7:33pm
310: bloom-ing says:

daria, i think pregnant women are beautiful too

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 7:37pm
311: Radlove says:

Daria,

Someone I don’t know is calling me on Skype. Does that happen to you much? If so, do you pick up? I keep declining and he keeps calling back.

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 7:52pm
312: Radlove says:

BLOOMING,

310 – I want to be pregnant.

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 7:54pm
313: LiliBee says:

Just got back home from golf practice.
2 friends joined me and my gf.
It was so much fun.

I’m so happy to get to hang out with these 3.
They are fun and have great conversation.
I observe and learn to loosen up and be more expressive with them.

I feel alot better, alot lighter.
They helped to get me out of my head.

I need to take that with me when I am with a man.

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 7:57pm
314: LiliBee says:

177:

Laughing Goddess! That is sooo meee!

“And she says when things aren’t going well we tend to get into fight or flight mode. She says many of us bounce back and forth between the two, fight and flight and that we are often one-foot-in and one-foot-out of the relationship.”

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 8:14pm
315: Daria says:

Radlove – not too much… i can block people too if ppl are contacting me i dont want

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 8:31pm
316: Radlove says:

Daria,

Thanks!

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 9:17pm
317: Daria says:

omgosh i ben looking at dance vidoes all nite

looking at the miami stripper girls they do get to dance hard core too mm i feel excited i just learned some dance movs

and also triggered remembering that one florida guy i liked who i only met once

getting all inscure

((((Daria))))

wow you’re fine and amazing and fly Daria!

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 11:00pm
318: Daria says:

707: Confused76 says:

What if when a guy tells you I will call, but he text instead. Rori is responding to his text leading forward? Or should I just not responded until he called?

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 5:58pm

708: Rori Raye says:

CConfused – texts are GREAT!!! YOu have time to construct a simple, lovely Feeling Message. ALWAYS respond when a man calls, texts or emails (if you like him). Love, Rori

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 11:03pm
319: Daria says:

after practicing some dancing from the youtube videos the past few hours…

MY THIGHS ARE BACK THICK!!!!

YESSSSSS!!!!!!!!

WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

)))))

thicker than a snicker

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 11:06pm
320: Daria says:

yay im doing it im doing the wiggle thingy i can feel it hahahhahaha

Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 11:17pm
321: Stargirl says:

I feel triggered by number 2. I dated a guy for 2 1/2 years! He was one of those guys who said he didn’t believe in marriage. Ugh my chest feels tight about how my past self just thought he would change his mind. Idealisticly believed it would all work out. It feels icky to think that he didn’t trick me, but I was tricking myself the whole time. I feel sad that he didn’t choose me. hurt and shredded a little.

(((Stargirl)))

But that was back when I was constantly leaning forward. That could have been the reason he didn’t choose me. I didn’t even let him pleasure me in sex.

The men we attract when we lean forward are supposedly not as masculine as those we attract when we lean back. But he seemed so masculine and yummy! He did not take care of me, though. I feel sad.

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 2:32am
322: Radlove says:

All the Sirens are asleep. I feel lonely.

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 3:58am
323: Radlove says:

Why is it inappropriate to tell R I feel lonely?

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 4:00am
324: Radlove says:

Why am I up so early? I don’t know. I don’t know why sadness feels so pervasive. I spend a lot of time building myself up to counteract the negative voices of the past. I can’t do that every waking hour. Why is it

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 4:03am
325: Radlove says:

a constant struggle to stay upbeat and joyful? It’s like depression is a state of being for me, having been raised by a clinically depressed mother. Childhood was full of her sighs and black comments about how sad all of life is.

I perpetually replace that — what has become my self talk — with positive, happy, hopeful words. Is it possible to replace my default mood? I don’t want to live sad.

People contact helps shake me out of it. But it isn’t realistic to seek out people contact every waking hour either.

This feels vulnerable to share, when I’d rather convince people that I’m normal. But I think this is at the core of all my emotional issues and relational issues, like why I tend to lean forward so much.

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 4:12am
326: Radlove says:

I feel fear in the presence of people, like I’m going to be yelled at any second. I feel so frustrated that I can’t just walk away from childhood, that it’s so much a party of my subconscious.

Rori talks a lot about baby stepping out of our cage, shifting our vibe, trying new activities and NW visualizations.

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 4:19am
327: Radlove says:

NW = new

I’m on my phone, and if I hit the wrong button, I can’t get back to where I was typing.

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 4:21am
328: Radlove says:

I can barely imagine what it would feel like to wake up feeling happy and excited. A lot of times I fake it till I make it. More often, I wake up feeling dread. I feel overwhelmed with my life, and I feel incapable of functioning at 100%.

My life is so back logged that I need to operate at 150% to catch up. I keep trying. Once a friend came over to help me organize. She said it’s not that you’re not trying, it’s that you’re trying so hard, trying to do more than you’re capable of.

I feel scared to touch these deeper weak parts. I want to stuff it down and anesthetize the pain with food, friends, a full schedule, sleep.

What would feel good is to be held and caressed for hours. That feels unattainable. Sorry lil girl, childhood is over. You have to live your life in sensory deprivation.

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 4:30am
329: Radlove says:

I need to be touched. How do I enter into a relationship feeling whole when I don’t feel whole?

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 4:33am
330: Tam says:

((((radlove))))) i struggle also with some of the stuff you describe, I think many of us do.
We can only do the best we can in this life, to try and make ourselves happy.

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 4:37am
331: Smile says:

(((radlove)))

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 4:42am
332: Radlove says:

I feel scared of people. When I’m around people, bad things happen. I want to heal that belief. I don’t want to live in fear.

Some men scare me, too. I feel overpowered by them. I want to snap on them to show them they have no power over me. I want to swear at them because I feel powerless.

What would powerful, stable, and secure look like? How could I bring it about?

I don’t want R our this blog

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 4:42am
333: Smile says:

I have a lot of stuck energy today too. I’m in work trying to get organised but it’s overwhelming me. I need to do all my holiday washing, shop, clean etc but I dint feel like doing anything.

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 4:44am
334: Radlove says:

or this blog to be addictions. Yet they are. You ladies are vet kind. But it’s an underlying cause of issues between R and me.

I don’t get it how to operate in a relationship as if I’m perfect when I’m far from it.

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 4:45am
335: Smile says:

I’m in work alone, the building is empty. I’m listening to the radio but I’m attaching alsorts of feelings to the words in the songs. I don’t want to think about relationships right now but the songs are making me. I don’t want to turn it off because it will be too quite. I feel empty in quietness at the minute. I have too much of it in my house living alone

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 4:48am
336: Radlove says:

Hi Smile,

What holiday?

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 4:48am
337: Radlove says:

This is pathetic but this is my deep truth…I overeat because food touches me. It feels like a caress. I feel stuck, and I don’t want to go on feeling broken inside.

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 4:52am
338: Smile says:

Radlove, I’ve just got back from morocco! Spent a week there staying in marakech and a few days trekking in the atlas mountains.

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 4:55am
339: Daria says:

(((((Radlove)))))

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 4:57am
340: Smile says:

Radlove, can you take your dogs for a walk or swim in the bay to distract yourself?

334- searching for perfection will drive you crazy! Love your flaws xxx

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 4:59am
341: Daria says:

note to myslef to remember taht even just one strong dancing session will return my body to that shape i like yum

yay i can do all stretches and im in charge of my body and im smart and creative and healthy too

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 5:07am
342: Radlove says:

So I put pressure on my relationship with R out of my neediness. I can pretend I’m the warm, soft, open, free, pleasurable sandy beach, but I’m like a child just needing to be held.

I wonder if this is why professional massage is so popular, because maybe a lot of people feel this way? It feels sad to have to pay a professional to have basic human needs met.

Sometimes when a caring friend merely pats my am, it feels like a jolt of electricity. I feel so unused to being touched by human beings.

Early in my dating, in my late twenties, I was in a night club with a man. He had me hold up the palm of my hand to his, to compare the size of our hands.

It felt so alien that after he removed his hand, I sat there still holding up my hand. I felt almost hypnotized by human touch. He folded my hand with his, playfully telling me I could put my hand down now.

What’s the solution for me? I feel way unsafe with new CDs. I don’t want sex. I don’t want to be taken advantage of, that is. I want to be held and touched gently. I need that.

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 5:07am
343: Smile says:

Bruno mars- marry you!!

Is this radio station having a laugh! This triggers my feelings I want to have someone sing this song about me

Not sure how to feel about how I’m feeling?????

I need to switch my thinking!

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 5:08am
344: Dominique says:

Femininewoman – 48 and Brandylion – 303 – I don’t think I gave up anything at all to have a relationship, one that has exceeded any wants I carried. It has only added. Sleeping alone? I feel much cozier and safer sleeping with.

I still make all of my own decisions aside from the ones I want input from him, and when it involves both of us, it’s a fun thing not a burden. I don’t feel lacking or having had to compromise ever.

I have no desire to go off on my own, but if I did, he would happily give me the time and space to do so.

I get to spend his money instead, and there’s more of it. lol. I always ask first though.

xxoo

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 5:10am
345: Daria says:

http://cherrynorris.com/are-you-leading-him-on-if-you-dont-feel-turned-on/

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 5:11am
346: Smile says:

Radlove, this is basic human need. I feel starved of touch too. When we were on the plane I hugged my friend as she said something nice. When I moved away she said no stay there that felt nice. She hasn’t had a boyfriend/date in years and years!!! I wonder how she feels about this?

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 5:11am
347: Daria says:

Radlove – i feel so excited now that i can finally RECEIVE that touch i was craving

i have almost EVERY CD massage me! the one’s im not yet feeling turned on with, i just say it would feel so good to have a shoulder massage!

it WORKS for me! man does it! i miss it! hehe

thers alsot he Chi Gong Deer Exercise, and that really soothes my hormones – they say meditation is like sex in terms of emotional and health benefits… and this one is all about sexuality

yum thank you Daria for considering doing this movement for me!

http://www.umaatantra.com/tantra_articles/female_deer_exercise.html

all those tantric exercises Charu teaches also feel awesome… just wiggling my body or else rocking my pelvis get me that soothed loved body feeling

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 5:15am
348: Daria says:

this feels WAY better than calling up Getright man to hang out with him so i can bleed my heart, and after wind up bruised

ooh

way better

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 5:17am
349: Smile says:

Radlove- I thought I was going for a massage. See post 201!

This type of touch did not feel relaxing at all lol!

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 5:20am
350: Sassy says:

Radlove and Smile,

I am right there with you. I feel your pain and
sorrow and that desperate need for touch.
I believe there are millions of lonely people
in the world even in the presence of many others.
I choose to keep giving thanks for all of my blessings
every day. Gratitude is essential and keeps me
grounded in being happy. Although I feel overwhelmed
with all that is going on in my life, I can only
try to prioritize and work on the most important
things first then move on to the next.
Much love

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 5:31am
351: Daria says:

i feel unheard a bit… interesting…

i feel sad

(((((Daria)))))

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 5:45am
352: Smile says:

Daria, I feel intrigued to give this kind of movement myself. I feel curious to what it would feel like to treat myself in this way

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 5:54am
353: Calypso says:

Happy Friday, Sirens!

I’m looking forward to my date tonight with JC. It turns out that my best friend’s dad knows his dad . . . they grew up in the same small town near here. I now have confirmation that he comes from a good, solid family. They own 123 acres of land near here too, which doesn’t really matter, but somewhere in my soul I find comfort in knowing that. Stability and roots . . . I like that ~

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 5:59am
354: Daria says:

i feel S
OOOO happy learning and hearing intersting stuff that expands my power to heal

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 6:06am
355: Daria says:

Smile – well the Lady Deer Exercise only takes about 5 min… and it doesn’t feel too much like anything ‘big’ while im doing it…

its the AFTERWARDS where i feel soo nourished in myself

oh i love my body yum body

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 6:07am
356: Smile says:

I will feel good to treat my body to the lady deer exercise after work

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 6:11am
357: Iamabutterfly says:

I feel curious to understand all this. I feel at sea. I feel scared, like the ground is being pulled out from underneath me.

I feel scared of him.

I feel relieved when I think I might see him and I don’t.

Shouldn’t I feel more disappointed than relieved?

With this other guy, I always feel disappointed when I don’t get to see him. Never relieved.

I feel relieved when I GET to see him. Like my whole being can finally rest. I feel relief from life or something when he walks into the room.

I feel FEAR when I think I’m going to see this still-available guy.

I feel RELIEF when I see this unavailable guy.

I felt RELIEF when my guy friend who makes me feel completely confused got engaged after seeing her for only 2 months.

With yet another guy from my past, I felt SHOCKED and ANGRY and I felt PURE GRIEF when he got engaged.

I feel judgmental of my feelings.

I feel like I’m “supposed” to feel a certain way with “the right guy.”

Like, I’m supposed to feel disappointed when I don’t get to see him.
and I’m supposed to feel excited and happy when I get to see him.

That’s how I want to feel with the right guy.
That’s how I DO feel with this unavailable guy.

I wonder if I would still feel that way if he were available?
Or would I feel fear at seeing him, and relief at not seeing him because of my fear of commitment?

I feel sad.

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 6:20am
358: Femininewoman says:

The paralysis of analysis

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 6:25am
359: Femininewoman says:

“Desperate need for touch”

The energy behind these words feel so draining

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 6:26am
360: Iamabutterfly says:

I feel intrigued by this conversation about touch. Non-sexual touch is so important, but our society has made everything sexual, and sex is so taboo, and so everyone is almost scared to touch other human beings.

Technology hasn’t helped. We listen to music and read kindles and do everything we can to avoid interacting with new/unfamiliar human beings because of all of our fears and judgments.

There is no fear in perfect love.

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 6:37am
361: Femininewoman says:

http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/physical-health-and-chronic-illness/a-plan-for-your-boy-to-implement-to-help-your-mood-and-lift-depression/

You might find that eliminating many foods will quickly shift your mood and lift your depression and make you feel WAY better.

The most common irritants are:

Eggs, dairy (cow’s dairy especially – many can handle goat milk products and raw milk products), mushrooms, yeast, GLUTEN is HUGE, especially for your thyroid, wheat in general, and you may have a few specific ones that register high.

There are many ways for you to do an elimination diet to find out what may be bothering your system.

Also – have this holistic doctor check you for yeast (candida) and if that’s a problem – working on clearing that out will DEFINITELY help your mood.

Fungal infections and bacterial infections that are difficult to test for can be at the bottom of a lot of this – and just cleaning yourself out gently over time sounds like a no-brainer kind of way to go…

6. Focus on all the exercises and Tools we worked on that bring you back to focusing on YOU and not HIM…

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 6:38am
362: Iamabutterfly says:

I feel so moved when a friend rubs my shoulders when I’m conveying feelings of fear and uncertainty.

I feel moved when a sweet, too young, male college student gives me a random hug.

I feel moved when someone plays with my hair.

My mom never played with my hair or did anything with my hair.

I used to feel so jealous when I would see my friends’ moms gently brushing their hair, braiding their hair, or even just being gentle in general.

This feels so sad that so many people feel untouched.

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 6:42am
363: Daria says:

triggered!

for me technology helps me meet hundreds of new humans in person yay without much effort from me at all!!! woo hiee doohiiieeeee

i love this connection

i feel so happppy i feel this way about it!

MMMM

i want to take photos of me hugging my computer lol

and i also use salt crystals and i want an onix pyramid to heal and tune the emissions from the electronics

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 6:49am
364: Daria says:

i just had the thought that my computer LIKES this!!!

i love you computer!

thank you for being here and bringing excitement joy beauty to me

yyeeeeeee

love

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 6:50am
365: Daria says:

the difference when i eat a completely natural no chemical meal i feel immmediately and it lasts a few days

i will do this twice a week and of course more!

and soon thats all i will be ingesting YAY

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 6:52am
366: Daria says:

eating cartilage and esp tripe has also soothed my membranes yum

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 6:52am
367: Daria says:

if i were a vegan id do it eating avocado, saurkraut, what else
/?

coconut… buttery stuff

mmmm i would aslo want to eat pineapple

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 6:53am
368: Iamabutterfly says:

that feels curious, Daria. and it makes me feel happy to have a different, more positive perspective about it.

“and i also use salt crystals and i want an onix pyramid to heal and tune the emissions from the electronics”

this makes me feel giggly, because it reminds me of Napoleon Dynamite, when Kip was trying to use the time machine he bought on the internet, and he forgot to add the crystals. I never understood that part, but apparently there actually is something behind it!

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 6:54am
369: Emerson says:

269 Dominique
I agree
I felt great sleeping next to recycled. I felt safe. I miss that feeling

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 7:01am
370: Emerson says:

Iama
I love Napoleon !!

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 7:01am
371: Daria says:

i feel soo happy i made a PLEASANT me loving ‘routine’

as in im taking 2 hours to ‘wake up’

and also 2 hours to ‘go to sleep’

and there are 2 hours around ‘midday’

and i can use that time for self care, nourishment me time specifically

and in between theres periods of 4-5 hours where i can do … also whatever i want

i really like the 2 hour thing i feel my body feeling relief

i feel so smily

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 7:03am
372: Daria says:

lamabutterfly – electronics run on crystals and metals, usually gold and diamonds

they’re arranged by a (man) i believe… and so the pattern they make might not be quite ‘tuned’ to the natural world

which means the radiation they put out might be dissonant

natural beings can be harmed as the radiation heats up our cells (similar to being microwaved)

there are devices to tune and absorb the radiation … usually big salt crystals or other type of crystal/stone

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 7:13am
373: Iamabutterfly says:

I just need to write about this because it feels curious and I want to understand.

My freshman year of college, there was this guy who I sat close to every single day for a whole semester and who I had a huge crush on, and he had a crush on me too.

I felt this chemical reaction to him. I don’t know how else to explain it. It was an amazing feeling, but very chemical. I thought he was the one, I had never felt so sure.

Now that I’m older and he’s been married for years, I know he’s not the one. I feel like I know him better, from a more detached perspective.

He had lots of anger issues. I don’t even think I had tapped into my anger back when we were close.

His anger used to scare me, but it was never directed towards me, it was always directed towards himself, and always when he felt like he had failed at something.

At a slim, lean, extremely athletic 165 lbs, he told me once that “he used to be fat.”

He was always really hard on himself in athletics.

When I was younger, I used to be such a perfectionist, but when i got older, it’s like I almost went to the opposite extreme of neglecting like…everything. Grades, housework, and especially myself.

I feel attracted to perfectionists. I am a perfectionist, deep down, and maybe that’s why I’m so hard on myself.

Balance would feel so good.
Working hard, taking care, without becoming so…obssessive.

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 7:14am
374: Daria says:

aslo i imagine the computer doesn’t like feeling dissonant from nature and also verbally abused for it (oh this computer is hurting me etc)

i used
Rori’s compassion to inanimate objects tools

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 7:15am
375: Iamabutterfly says:

I put on about 15lbs my Freshman year, and remember feeling so embarassed when I was eating a lolipop while sitting next to him and him saying “You really shouldn’t be eating all that sugar.”

It was triggering, because my Mom was always on top of me and telling me how guys wouldn’t like me “if I let myself get fat.”

This was back when I was a whale of a 135lbs. (I’m being sarcastic.)

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 7:20am
376: Femininewoman says:

9 people got shot in the Empire State Building

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 7:34am
377: bloom-ing says:

(((((((((((((Femininewoman)))))))))))))) (((((((((((((((((((humans)))))))))))))))))))))

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 7:41am
378: Daria says:

lamabutterly – im working thru this too by giving myself “permission” and not pushing myself

right now i creatively created a routine for myself – Willingly – for the first time ever

the routine is all about gently caring for me and it feels ‘different’ than routines i would have imposed on myself from ‘have to’s’

im feeling loved

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 7:48am
379: MissStix says:

Good morning sirens!

I have not caught up yet. Just thoughts swirling around my brain.

Yesterday was strange. So many emotions and motions and feelings. Then all it took was one sentance from one person and wooosh! It all fell away. Wait, what? What is my problem now anyway? I don’t have a problem. Then I saw an inspirational picture that spoke to me and I made up my mind!

In this moment, today I do not want to get married. Ever. That feels ahhhh and light. It feels good because it is not attatched to negativity from the past. It just is what it is. mmmm. I like my decision.

Every day G adds at least 10 prickles to his afterwork cactus persona. Don’t touch! Ouch. Grumpy man. Geez. Just needs a holiday this man of mine. He is fully ready for our trip this weekend!

Practice practice.

Yesterday. Prickly G. 4:30 pm. Out on the deck. Asking me loaded questions. Snappin’ at me for no reason. Asked me what I did all day. Attitude. Told him about my day. Rolls his eyes. “Did I not do enough today?” “What the f*uck are you talking about?”. Prickles. Ouch. “Well I can sense this anger towards me and I don’t like it.” 5 minutes of silence. Me breathing. Loving my emotions. Feeling them. Feeling increasingly relaxed by the minute. G says “Hey…I’m sorry if I implied anything…”. I say “ok.”. Relaxed. Calm. I wait a minute. Say nothing. Get up, and go inside to do yoga.

Halfway through my yoga I hear him walking around the house. “Oh there she is! I’m sorry. Are you ok baby?” I keep stretching. “mmmmm yep.” Kiss my cheek. Yeah. You don’t get to talk to me like that bucko. You get no rise out of me. I am calm. I am serenity.

A few months ago I would have gotten my back up, and started to explain all the things i’ve been doing to make this weekend happen and make this lead-up work week more pleasant for him. But those things matter very little to him compared to my happiness, so I did not do that! I feel proud of myself. Go stix! No fight arose. In fact I felt very few negative feelings. I just didn’t like his prickles pointed at me. I told him. I moved on. He sought me out to make sure I was ok. And I was.

The simplicity is delicious and golden. I thought getting it would be more triumphant…It’s kind of just there. It does not feel triumphant. Though it feels good. It’s just simpler than I thought, and that’s ok. I no longer need great struggle and great triumph. I just need peace and stability. I find that within myself.

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 7:49am
380: Femininewoman says:

Interesting – maybe because of what I am focussing on? bloom-ing the hugs felt like shouting when I looked at it first. Thanks for the hugs.

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 7:49am
381: Daria says:

the origins of war in child abuse… i listened to the first audio and it felt … exciting to learn…

i got triggered at the end a bit as i want to nurse and co sleep and i felt confused if he was jduging those things… maybe he was talking aobut situations where it does become ‘mother neediness’ past the desires of child

much talk about war goddesses and how war is viewed in terms of goddess

feels like amazing knowledge for me in the path to healing and peace

http://feeds.feedburner.com/OriginsOfWar

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 7:52am
382: April Rose says:

Hello Miss Stix,

I feel smiley seeing you post

In Rori’s teleclass she mentions how to deal with men who are in a bad mood. I wrote down a few notes about it. Would you like me to post them?

I’m not taking anything away from you. It feels really good and light, how you dealt with it.

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 8:09am
383: MissStix says:

April rose

of course!!! please do I still love to learn! It will benefit everyone else to read as well, i’m sure!

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 8:12am
384: Tam says:

Miss Stix, amazing!

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 8:14am
385: Radlove says:

Sassy,

350 – Thank you!

Smile,

349 – Yes, I read that post yesterday laughing the whole way through it! It sounds like some comedy scene off a hilarious movie! A fantastic reality for sure!

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 8:17am
386: Emoticon says:

Hey Sirens!!!
I enjoyed reading this article. Especially the first fact about men….. Makes me feel a little less under pressure to impress LOL.

Hope everyone has an enjoyable weekend. Im going to see my family out of state this weekend and it feels bitter-sweet. On one hand i feel happy and excited to see everyone, especially my grandmother. The TENSION is what I’m afraid of. Im really rooting for one of my cousins to stay in school, i feel sad and that its unfair for my aunt to take her out of school. Sometimes i feel like my mom, my grandmother and I are the same person and the three of us in one are the only ones who care about her. Her father (my favorite uncle) is dead and her other abandoned her as a baby. I feel guilty for judging my aunts, but I can’t feel 100% happy if one of my closest cousins and best friends is suffering and that makes me feel really angry at all of them.

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 8:20am
387: bloom-ing says:

radlove,

your idea of hunger for hugs brings a whole ball up for me. a whole tangle.

the same kimya dawson song i’ve been singing for days in my little brain:

And the soul that’s hurting just keeps on searching
For ways to fill the emptiness but the pit is bottomless

You can’t fill it with hugs
You can’t fill it with drxgs
You can’t fill it with booze
You can’t fill it with food

You can’t fill it with isolation
You can’t fill it with self-mutilation
You can’t fill it by always running away
You can’t fill it by finally deciding to stay

what i want to say to you is, i don’t think being hugged & touched is what you need, any more than what you “need” is a big slice of pie (i do love pie)

you’re already whole. you don’t need anything.

feels a bit “far-off” for me right now myself, but i do believe that. ((((radlove))))

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 8:23am
388: Radlove says:

Daria,

347 – 348 – Thank you so much! I will definitely check it out! What a creative solution! I really have been wanting to learn more about Tantra anyway.

I don’t feel comfortable asking a man for a massage because he always, across the board, gets sexual with it. I feel bored with men pressuring for sex when there is no love, no trust, no intimacy built. There was a time I would welcome that, and did. It just feels empty now. I have never been in a massage situation with a single man that did not turn sexual.

Very good point about not bleeding your heart to a male friend only to feel hurt. I’m glad I didn’t blurt it all out to R this morning, because I was texting him before and after the time I was letting it all hang out on the blog.

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 8:24am
389: Radlove says:

Tam,

330 – Thank you. It feels comforting to know I am not alone. Altho I don’t feel good to think of others in pain and loneliness, too.

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 8:27am
390: bloom-ing says:

i realized yesterday when i try to inhale my love for something & exhale it as love to myself, i can literally barely breathe. not only does it feel extremely manual (not automatic) but i notice my chest constricting & my nasal passages collapsing, as though my body does not wish to allow it.

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 8:31am
391: Radlove says:

Smile,

338 – That I should have known, about you being in Morocco. What an exotic vacation! I forget that in some cultures, “holiday” equates to “vacation”. In my world, holiday is an annual celebration, such as Christmas, Thanksgiving, New Year. Thanks for the hugs! And you, too, Daria!

Hugs to both of you!

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 8:31am
392: bloom-ing says:

in fact, it was the first time i had ever felt my nasal passages constricting, except for allergy-triggers like blowing weeds or cut grass. it was a really strange sensation.

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 8:33am
393: MissStix says:

Tam

Thank you!!! ((((tam))))

I think the most amazing thing is that it’s not really that amazing lol I mean…My former self would have been in awe of me right now. But me right now thinks “Gawd. It really is so simple.” Much simpler than getting all tied up in knots and being worried constantly.

I give myself permission to let go of the last string in my ball of knots.

Anyone can do this. Just takes time and practice and patience.

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 8:35am
394: Daria says:

Radlove – yes men get turned on by touching me

what helps me is to remember that im not to judge them for that (lest i want to be judging myself for my own sexuality)!

when i don’t feel comfortable being touched too sexually, i keep it at a SHOULDER RUB

this works so well for me

when the man gets more turned on, or his touch doesn’t feel good anymore

i simply say thank you and stop

it feels wonderful to have this power to receive this way, and say no and stop when i want to

very different than tolerating a touch that feels icky

blegh

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 8:38am
395: Tam says:

Still, Miss Stix, it reads like ‘aaaaaah’ – and I hope to be able to do the same when faced with that kind of situation…and actually feel the relief like you did, not anxiousness…

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 8:38am
396: Daria says:

blooming thank you for sharing that…

im doing it with love for my godbrother whom im thinking about a lot and pining to help him with advice and to encourage/pressure? him to get back close to my godsister (they’re the parents of my godson)

i found i felt my sadness deeper as i turned the love on me

perhaps i want to encourage MYSELF? to create a way to provide for myself as i would encourage him to provide for her?

and a way to point out when im not being respectful to myself, as i want to encourage him to point out to her?

i feel trembly

(((Daria)))

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 8:41am
397: Daria says:

wow blooming this feels Transformational

thank you for sharing this tool

its shifting my perspective

- i can suggest that perhaps your allergies may be a result of a trauma that is getting accessed using this tool

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 8:43am
398: Daria says:

and that’s why they feel so similar to what you are feeling now

i would energy shift, love, and breathe through it

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 8:44am
399: April Rose says:

Notes from Rori’s teleclass:

If a man is out of sorts, i.e. not in his happy, loving vibe, do NOT try to cheer him up.
Meet him where he is. If he is bummed out, you say “oh crap, that sounds a bummer. I get it. I totally get how you’re feeling.”

Meet him there and stay quiet. Don’t ask him for anything. Don’t ask him to change anything.

If you’re in a car, and he’s driving erratically, you’re gonna have to say “you know, I don’t feel comfortable. Can we just stop and have a coffee for a while?”

If he’s just in a slightly icky mood, you just stay happy. My favourite tool is ‘clean out your purse’ and you can do this in the car. Completely busy yourself. Don’t try to start a conversation, don’t ask him what went wrong. Nothing.

Believe it or not he will start talking to you. And, once he starts talking you have already dialled him back to his love channel.
You lean back, you smile, you appreciate him. Tell him he’s beautiful. Tell him how much faith you have in him, and how smart he is. Not because of what happenned earlier, but because of what he’s doing for you now.

He will be thrilled because you are a woman who isn’t trying to fix him.

Whatever is going on with him, it is not yours to fix, and the moment you try he’s gonna get angry with you.

If he’s angry say “Wow. I hear how angry you are. Today must be really shit”

Don’t take it personally, and don’t try to talk him out of it.

Stay warm. Don’t go cold or angry. Don’t go into fixit mode.

The fastest way to shut somebody down is to try and fix the unpleasantness. Just live in the unpleasantness. Flow with the good times and the bad. Don’t try to fix every unpleasantness and make it into a good time.

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 8:44am
400: Radlove says:

BLOOM-ING,

387 – The lyrics to that song are clever. I think you shared that the other day, right?

When I took psychology, they told of a cruel experiment done to test sensory deprivation. A newborn monkey was giveng all she needed for physical health: a bottle, a dry comfortable habitat, etc. But she was removed from her mother, just given the bottle attached to an inanimate object.

She failed to thrive, and eventually she died. It proved that emotional needs need to be met, too. I so related to that monkey. Thank God, I had a Mom and a Dad. But they were so emotionally damaged themselves, that they gave little physical affection, eye contact, or verbal affirmation. I grew up feeling unloved.

I remember when I was 16 just having a meltdown on my bedroom floor, crying and crying convulsively. My parents rushed in to see what was wrong. I said, “I don’t feel loved!”

They both sat with me for about an hour, rubbing my back and reaffirming over and over how much they loved me. It was my first awareness that something was missing.

In my 20s, I read a book about having your love tank filled. The scenario that fit my life was my Mom was so needy herself that she drained my love tank, rather than filling it. She still has that tendency, to just suck me dry emotionally.

For example, Wednesday night on my one hour drive to R’s house, I called my Mom twice, getting the voicemail, probably because she is hard of hearing. She called me twice when I was a few minutes from his house. She couldn’t hear me.

Finally, she called back right after I picked R up. I said gently, “I’m sorry, Mom, I”m not able to talk now. I’m with a friend.”

She yelled nastily, “Well, maybe I’ll die soon. Then you won’t have to worry about talking to me!” It came out of nowhere and was totally undeserved. I just spent the entire day with her on Sunday.

In the past, this sort of thing would put me into a state of guilt, like my life and my plans weren’t important at all. I would have dropped everything and gone over apologetically. It took me years to get the strength to not let her turn my plans and my feeling of well being upside down. I still feel hurt about how she treated me so nastily for no reason.
I believe we DO NEEEEEEEDDD human touch. I feel very intimate with God. But I need human touch. I think that’s why God gave us people.

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 8:46am
401: Daria says:

Radlove – the ‘bleeding heart’ i described is what i feel when i get around Getright man, and it feels sooo lovely

its that oxytocin bath

since i was leaning forward to do so (over the past years) and wound up feeling bad…

i’ve realized that it doesn’t feel good, as wonderful as it feels in the moment when it reminds me of feeling loved and at peace

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 8:47am
402: Daria says:

oh my lil heart i feel so moved

this Blooming tool of inhaling my love for others and exhaling to myself is showing me my heart

sobby

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 8:50am
403: bloom-ing says:

yeah, i always felt scared outside since i’m small & not super-paying-attention (a little spacey-minded) & so i got hurt a lot – both just by myself (falling, running into things) & also in “play” with other bigger more competitive winning-minded children. so i can see how i would feel “allergic” to that. also, i remember that i used to think i was “allergic” to orange flavoring, & the only thing i can think of that connects with that is that this boy i Loved in preschool (we got “married” lol) only ever ate orange-flavored popsicles. lol… hm

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 8:50am
404: Daria says:

(((((my sadness)))))

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 8:53am
405: Tam says:

I am sick today, sore throat, stuffy nose and tiiiiired. Got myself to work and back, now home trying to relax in my little room.
Been overdosing on sugar but allow myself to indulge today with just a little bad conscience.

Dishonesty never wins in the long run – see Lance Armstrong.

I feel sad hearing the neighbours shouting and screaming in fron of their kids. Messy, creating more messy souls like me. Trigger. I want to take the kids and run. Come with me so you don’t end up like me when you are grown. (((little kids being disturbed)))

Still no word about MrP and operation but he has been online all days, so he is alive. No need to confirm it. No need for him to confirm it. Yes buddy, save your time chatting up other women online cause it’s going to be such a struggle for you to get back into my heart…. new girls will be easier, this one sets you free.

I wonder if now, finally, I am ready for real relationship like many years ago… I was also always petrified of getting pregnant. Deep down I knew that my issues would have made me a messy mother…so I never wanted kids. Now I see that I am open to kids. Wow. I just have to re-program my learned patterns and wipe out the bad models of relationship that I saw in my family. Start on a clean slate. I could do it. I no longer feel paranoid of getting pregnant. I could do it. I may not, but I could.
I feel free to choose what I want!!
I feel free to release men who might cause me to ‘hang in’ something that leads nowhere…I am not immortal. I am not able to be a mother forever. I don’t want to ‘regret’ or waste the best years of my life on a ‘dilly dallier’.
I see more and more signs of aging in my face and body….it shows me that I don’t want to wait for anybody to be ready. I am ready.

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 8:53am
406: bloom-ing says:

i feel embarrassed that i’m so klutzy.

that’s a little lack of self-love i see – i intend more caution with myself. thank you

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 8:53am
407: Daria says:

its shifting im smiling

ah

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 8:54am
408: Daria says:

a woman who FEELS … im getting that

this that im listened to about how boys need more empathy and get less

triggering and healing

they shut down

they want to be close to a woman

ohhh im a woman who can feel im safe

ohohoh

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 8:56am
409: bloom-ing says:

((((((daria)))))) i feel good that breathing is powerful for you too…

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 8:58am
410: MissStix says:

april rose

Thank you, thank you! I’m really glad you posted this. It gives me so many more ways to deal with myself when he’s feeling grumpy.

The trickiest part for me is when he actually does point the anger at me. I believe my particular man needs an outlet. He picks and pokes and prods. It makes it extra difficult to believe it is not about me. I just had to keep reminding myself over and over and keep practicing separating myself from his anger.

At this point it is much simpler because after so much practice it is pretty much a given that it’s not about me. It has been shown to me over and over. He just wants an outlet. I repeat this like a tantra. I will not become the outlet. I will not allow myself to rise up to the fight. I am calm. I will only express what I feel and what I don’t like. Then I will move on and simply allow space and time. This diffuses him practically in the snap of my fingers.

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 8:59am
411: Daria says:

this Blooming breathing tool feels so powerful.. simple and gentle way to get my energy flwoing on me

im using it with my love for everything

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 9:00am
412: MissStix says:

Tam

I like your realizations, decisions and affirmations about being a mother!

I like this too “New girls will be easier, this one sets you free.” Very nice!

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 9:06am
413: Sunshine says:

I feel stuck because an amazing dancing event is going on tonight, dancing is my passion and I feel so excited about it. However, the guy I broke off my relationship with a week ago might be there…like a 30percent chance. I dont want to see him. I dont want any negative feelings and triggers and I dont want to feel uncomfortable and angry and hurt etc. I really want to go!! ugh this feels so annoying..then part of me thinks I should get really cute and go and if hes there ignore him and just do my thing…but then I feel like that is my false proud self telling me that. I feel motivated to go and hope for the best and that hes not there. If hes there I will feel my feelings and evaluate if I should leave or not…..sigh

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 9:09am
414: April Rose says:

Miss Stix,

Thanks for your appreciation. I feel happy to be helpful.
For some reason that was the part of the teleclass that I wrote down word for word.

Oh, I have one more snippet that I wrote down. I may post it later.

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 9:11am
415: Femininewoman says:

Sunshine I say listen to some Rori CDs an hour before the event, then go like a ROCKSTAR

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 9:12am
416: bloom-ing says:

My parents rushed in to see what was wrong. I said, “I don’t feel loved!”

They both sat with me for about an hour, rubbing my back and reaffirming over and over how much they loved me. It was my first awareness that something was missing.

— radlove…. i feel so confused about this. i understand that you felt & feel that your parents are not capable of giving you the love that you truly crave…. i almost feel like “only you know the shape of that hole in your heart” – only YOU know the touch & words you need. i hear you also that you’re practicing self-love. & i do truly feel (sad monkey story aside for a second) that i could create a feeling of satisfaction & peace for myself in any situation… & specifically the monkey situation – it’s not just that the monkey was removed from other monkeys. the monkey was positively abused & put in an environment where its life wasn’t recognized as valuable by the humans around it.

snippet from Harry Harlow wikipedia article:

“Harlow was well known for refusing to use conventional terminology, and instead chose deliberately outrageous terms for the experimental apparatus he devised. The tendency arose from an early conflict with the conventional psychological establishment in which Harlow used the term “love” in place of the popular and archaically correct term, “attachment.” Such terms and respective devices included a forced-mating device he called the “rape rack,” tormenting surrogate mother devices he called “Iron maidens,” and an isolation chamber he called the “pit of despair” developed by him and a graduate student, Stephen Suomi, now director of the National Institute of Child Health and Human Development’s Comparative Ethology Laboratory, at the National Institutes of Health.

“In the latter of these devices, alternatively called the “well of despair,” baby monkeys were left alone in darkness for up to one year from birth, or repetitively separated from their peers and isolated in the chamber. These procedures quickly produced monkeys that were severely psychologically disturbed and declared to be valuable models of human depression.”

this – to me – reads as an example of the many ways in which post-descartes philosophies & academics CRUSH the creative energies & fold them down on themselves.

bly writes about descartes’ dreams – in one of them, one side of his body is literally caved in on itself.

food IS alive & full of love. so are rocks, computers, policemen, me, you. so you can love & get love anywhere everywhere all the time.

that’s what i believe… (((radlove))) (((me)))

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 9:12am
417: Tam says:

Thanks Miss Stix, all a bit of a sore topic…. My own mother never wanted me, so I guess subconsciously I was afraid of repeating the pattern….but I feel free due to realising a lot about me lately….
It feels good to be open to anything!!!

Yes! New girls are always easy… in the sense that new men are easy – no (messy) past together. I can work through the mess, and grow, but I can’t make others do the
same. And I fiiinnallllyyy realised that this year!
Concrete block dropped off my chest!!

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 9:12am
418: Femininewoman says:

“Stay warm. Don’t go cold or angry. Don’t go into fixit mode.”

Thanks April Rose. This jumped at me as in “so when I get angry, I am doing it to myself. It is not just a feeling I have no control over.

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 9:16am
419: Sunshine says:

Femininewoman, I will! thanks! i got the cutest outfit its a peachy strechy eighties skirt and a blue poka dot dress top…very bright and very me:)

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 9:17am
420: bloom-ing says:

i’m not hxting on descartes either – just saying that’s it’s a pretty new idea to differentiate so emphatically between Human, Animal, Mineral so to speak…

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 9:18am
421: MissStix says:

april rose

I’m realizing how important this is for every woman. We have 3 choices: Rise up to a fight. Try to cheer him up. Or allow him to just be, and focus on our own peace.

I choose to live within #3. Not for his sake, but for my own. Allowing him space and the diffusing of his anger is a nice side effect for both of us. What it’s really about is not allowing his emotions to become my emotions.

If you do get a moment I would love to read whatever else you have as this is my most important tool.

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 9:20am
422: bloom-ing says:

atmosphere:

“it’s all love, help yourself…

“got a thing for those women that don’t like themselves. it’s time to loosen up your hair or tighten up your belt. cuz this time is a good time for good times… duh duh duh duh duh”

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 9:21am
423: bloom-ing says:

& he’s not saying he likes women who don’t like themselves, he’s saying the song is a gift for them. aww, tears.

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 9:23am
424: April Rose says:

Yes, Femininewoman,

I’m pretty sure if I have an angry response to an angry man, I am doing it out of habit.

I don’t find it impossible to keep myself neutral, or happy. So yes, when I get angry, I am doing it to myself!!! And probably enjoying the buzz.

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 9:26am
425: Tam says:

I used to be a woman that didn’t like herself.

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 9:28am
426: Sassy says:

FW,
I’m afraid I don’t understand why the phrase “desperate need for touch” feels draining.
My top two love languages are quality time and physical touch. So being in need of touch is critical for me. I’m not necessarily talking about a sexual need although that does factor in. But, I am very affectionate and right now I am suffering from a lack of that due to the circumstances of my life.
Touch is a human need. It has been proven that babies fail to thrive and even die when they are not touched.
I don’t want to set off a firestorm here, I am talking about what I need.

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 9:30am
427: Femininewoman says:

I used to run on that adrenaline buzz. I was addicted to it.

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 9:30am
428: Femininewoman says:

Sassy those are mine too. Desperation, for me, drags down every thing. It is a mindset and thought pattern I believe to be kinda like an addiction that I am choosing to move away from. Desperately needing anything or anyone for me is synonymous to codependency. I prefer to set myself free.

I feel free – aaahhh that feels so much better

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 9:34am
429: bloom-ing says:

i feel angry to hear about “needing” “someone else” to fulfill needs. why is that ? well, omg, what if you end up in tsing tsing in an isolation cell ? what in the wide world will you do then ? just call god, & be like, “um, god ? this isn’t fair” idk why that triggers me so hard… (((me))) (((humans))) (((all the rocks & trees & birds)))

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 9:34am
430: bloom-ing says:

i want us all to feel OK in every circumstance

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 9:35am
431: bloom-ing says:

& i spelled “sing sing” wrong. “right” way looks wrong too to me. oh well

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 9:36am
432: Femininewoman says:

I feel like a free spirit, flying above with outstreched wings, lythe as a feather, looking down at humanity. Not even needing physical form. That is how I am feeling in this moment and it feels exciting and exhilariting.

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 9:36am
433: MissStix says:

425

Ditto.

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 9:36am
434: Miss Bells says:

Oh dear–the car I bought because I loved it and everything apparently checked out actually has a blown head gasket or possibly a cracked head.
This will cause a pretty large fee.
But–HS is hassling me, telling me I am an adolescent-blah blah blah.
I said no-A grown up doesn’t care what people think and is able to make a decision. I qualify on both points. It is my car, and my money to fix it. I don’t want to hear how stupid I am. I love the car–I like the way it feels, I like the way it drives. My intention is to keep it for many years. I want him to stop talking about it. I’ll have it back and repaired in about a week. So, there really is no problem.
I think I will go elsewhere for a bit.

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 9:37am
435: bloom-ing says:

i want to be able to feel beautiful & free

starving in prison

i want to feel grateful & loved

being beaten & rxped

those are way up there…

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 9:38am
436: MissStix says:

femininewoman 432

Inspirational!

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 9:38am
437: Femininewoman says:

My spirit is free. I am spirit, having a human experience. I am in charge

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 9:38am
438: April Rose says:

I have the most trouble with “don’t try to fix the unpleasantness”

Although for the last week with WM, I dwelled in an unpleasantness of a hereto unknown magnitude. I felt too afraid, turned off and past caring, to try and fix it.

Feels like we are through it now. Since we were ‘forced’ to cooperate on a project this week, and I was more helpful than usual (I felt less stubborn, and less like dragging my feet – which infuriates him).

Since yesterday he is hugging me and being warm.

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 9:38am
439: MissStix says:

Chores and music and blog in between.

This feels nice!

I am so excited to head to squamish tonite! Squeeeeee!

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 9:40am
440: Smile says:

Radlove 391

Holiday/vacation

I also misunderstood you Wanting to make chips. For me chips are fries, not crisps lol. Which is why I recommended for you to use the oven lol!

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 9:42am
441: Femininewoman says:

Miss Bells how about just agreeing with him. Tell him he is right and just go do something else? It changes the pattern of arguing back and take the winds out of his sails.

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 9:44am
442: Sassy says:

FW, thank you for clarifying. I admit I am still codependent, and trying to heal.
Bloom-ing, I’m sorry the need I have for touch angers you. It is a physical need, a true craving my body feels. I have no control over that need. As for tsing tsing….not really planning on doing anything that would land me there!

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 9:44am
443: Tam says:

‘desperation’ will never inspire anyone to give us what we need, because if we are desperate the need and fulfillment of that need lies within us. To search it in another person is the biggest mistake bringing us down…and taking us far far away from what we really need.

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 9:45am
444: Femininewoman says:

“I have no control over that need”

I have control. Need, desperation, addictions I wave my wand, I make you small. magic.

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 9:47am
445: bloom-ing says:

sassy, no need to apologize to me : ) you are not the only one expressing your feelings in that way either. i didn’t intend my words as a “reaction to” or “comment on” your self-expression.

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 9:47am
446: Femininewoman says:

I am in charge of me

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 9:49am
447: Miss Bells says:

#441 FW–I like it! THe truth is that nothing money can’t fix has happened, and it’s none of his business, really.
I like what you said–it’s a vibe shifter!

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 9:56am
448: Femininewoman says:

Yes Miss Bells shift your vibe. Some of your words come across as prickly and hard edged. Reading your story I can understand why. But it will affect whoever Mr. Right is so yeah shifting vibe is good.

I felt constricted around “none of his business”. Remember men like to fix. He has to be himself. I assume he doesn’t know how to be anyone else.

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 10:06am
449: Femininewoman says:

I am thinking of shifting vibe like sliding on ice – ooops – away from his defensive/critical jabs- oops – that does not feel good. In a playful manner.

I don’t have to get defensive and get wrapped up in his emotions. I can stop myself.

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 10:09am
450: Femininewoman says:

Start appreciating, out loud, what a man does for you, gives you, says to you, or even gives up for you. Tell him how it impacts you. Does it make your life easier or more enjoyable? It can feel a bit contrived at first, but you can do this authentically.

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 10:10am
451: MissStix says:

Last of my laundry in. Vaccumed everything. Plucked my brows. A song from my wedding came on the radio and I sang out loud gleefully.

Finally finished my finger/toenails. Hot pink fingers. Bright orange toes. Normally I would paint intricate designs but I kept it simple. A little pearly glitter on the tips of my fingernails. A couple white flowers on each big toe. Feeling bright and vibrant and my nails match mmmm

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 10:18am
452: MissStix says:

449

Nice visual! Likes.

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 10:20am
453: Smile says:

So he will be coming at some point to collect his furniture/ belongings.

The last couple of times we’ve met we haven’t talked about the relationship. We have a bit over text though.

It would feel good to share my feelings with him.

I Want to translate this into a feeling script.

I feel apologetic for the times I felt controlling to you. I accept my flaws. I want to move forward with what I have learned. I feel grateful for being made aware of this.

How does this sound? I want to keep it short as I want to have a face to face conversation about this. I don’t want to put the blame on myself, just accept my part of where it went wrong.

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 10:22am
454: Femininewoman says:

(((((((((((Tam)))))))))))))))))

Hope you feel better

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 10:23am
455: Femininewoman says:

I feel apologetic – to me this is not a feeling. Also are you the type who tries to convince?

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 10:25am
456: Smile says:

Tam, I feel your vibe has shifted towards mrP, I can feel/sense your difficulty has been raised.

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 10:25am
457: Femininewoman says:

Emancipate yourself from mental slavery. None but ourselves can free our mind ooohhhh

Won’t you help me sing, these songs of freedom……

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 10:27am
458: Smile says:

Hm, but I want to apologise? Or let him know I am aware of things now which I hadn’t realised before. Yes, convincing was part of my down falls.

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 10:27am
459: Femininewoman says:

Thinking of Dancing Siren in Scotland.

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 10:28am
460: Femininewoman says:

Feeling regret, maybe?

Or just I apologize for being controlling. And thank you for sharing.

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 10:29am
461: bloom-ing says:

smile,

for some reason, i think “i’m sorry” are kind of magical words… : )

i might say, “I’m sorry if at times I felt controlling to you… I feel grateful to be moving forward with a new awareness of this in myself.”

what do you think?

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 10:30am
462: bloom-ing says:

all i ever have ! redemption songs

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 10:32am
463: Femininewoman says:

“If he is bummed out, you say “oh crap, that sounds a bummer. I get it. I totally get how you’re feeling.”

I totally get this. I see so clearly how I do this so easily with guys at work. Guys I have no romantic interest in.

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 10:33am
464: Smile says:

Yes, maybe a little regret, actually feels more like appreciation? If the break up hadn’t have happened I would never have been made aware of the undesirable behaviours I was displaying. I only saw things from my point of view.
I’m feeling thankful for him showing me the error of my ways. But I’m not blaming myself I’m just accepting my flaws.

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 10:33am
465: Femininewoman says:

love bloom-ing. Smile I would totally go with bloomings feeling message

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 10:34am
466: Smile says:

Blooming, I wanted to say I’m sorry but changed it to I feel apologetic…

Maybe I need to not try and make everything a feeling. I’m learning.

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 10:35am
467: Smile says:

Great- thanks FW and blooming

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 10:36am
468: Tam says:

Thank you FW and smile!!!

Urgh, smile, wishing you much strength for when he comes to collect his stuff…

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 10:39am
469: MissStix says:

((((smile))))

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 10:46am
470: Smile says:

Thanks tam, who knows when this will be. I’m letting go of controlling needing to know this. But I want to feel prepared. I dont have to be out till nov but if I don’t start packing/moving now I would feel stuck. I need to take action, not just sit and wait for November to arrive.

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 10:47am
471: Smile says:

Thanks miss stix, I feel supported.

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 10:48am
472: Smile says:

I’m feeling productive. I might sell some of my things on eBay. I won’t need them when I move to mums. It would feel better to have a fresh start when I eventually buy my own home.

Has anyone got experience of selling on eBay? Does it feel a lot of hassle?

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 10:52am
473: Femininewoman says:

So, what’s the difference between being Unsatisfiable and Insatiable?

I think they are actually the opposite side of the same coin. Here’s one perspective:

When we are unsatisfiable we tend to not get filled up by the desires that are being met. We immediately jump to wanting more and ask for more from a feeling of lack, or missing. We expect our desires to be met by action from others and when they’re not, we complain.

When we are insatiable we stop to allow the fulfillment of our desires to nourish us. We bask in the pleasure. Once we do that, we open our hearts to wanting more and vulnerably ask for that desire to be met. We do not expect our desires to be met, nor do we expect to get to the destination on our desire train. We also take pleasure in the desiring, not just the receiving.

That’s my take. What do you think?

Any experiences you’ve had that shed more light on this for all of us?

With love and insatiability,

Shana

http://www.authenticwomanexperience.com/2012/04/unsatisfiable/#more-4005

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 11:09am
474: Daria says:

that recording i was listening to has SO much on NV’s and alter egos and etc

i totally see myself in some of those

i feel shook up

i feel excited

i feel thrilled that i get such interesting resources for healing show up for me

i feel scared

(((Daria)))

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 11:10am
475: Daria says:

some of my dear friends are in prison.

i want to feel comfortable with the thought and i feel so triggered

i feel scared of being in prison

i want to feel happy anywhere and i ‘get’ that and even feel it most of the time

when it comes to prison though i still want them OUTTA there

i want me not in there

i feel cryiyy feelings

i ffeel sigh

i want to think of them as happy and in one esp triggering case i dont

i also want to be able to speak of this in a way that is heard and felt

i want to encourage my brothers

i will now breathe in the love for them and breathe it on myself

this audio really brings home how these mind frames and stuff is all about my childhoold and me

i feel curious if one totally healed human will heal the world?

if its that powerful of creating the world

non abused people then only see joy and stuff

so wat about the rest of us

i feel squeezed inside in my left side

i feel trembly

i feel captivated

oohhh im one of those “alter” “trance” states described

hmm i feel more in me

now i feel outta me again

i feel head up tongue out

i feel like running away from this thought

i hear who cares

i love me

i feel sad

oh

this feels really challenging and painful for me

i want to tap for the stuff in my amygdala and its probable enlargement

i want to tap on being sent alone to my room and feeling lonely as the precursor to my fear of prison

i feel sad

i intend to heal

i intend to be consciously aware that im healing

by writing this

huhhuffm

huhfufmm

crying

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 11:15am
476: Daria says:

redemption songs

i want tredemption songs

im crying im ‘triggered’ ie im in my alter/aspect maybe my fearful one

smh

overwhelmed

ill never get this done

ah

i know about past life traumas too

heal brain And body

babystep

what ive done in this life is enough as far as putting energy into the world

‘owe the world my gifts’

ppl say i have such good energy

i can heal this

i can receive this healing

i feel scared

to trust now

did i ask my fetus to die for me?

he died for me on his own

psychopathic voices?

healing voices?

real spirits, imagined projected terrors?

i can heal all

i can choose what i believe

ok that feels restful

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 11:18am
477: Daria says:

i want to be held and given soothing knowledge right now

i intend to do this for myself

(((Daria)))

you are infinitely smart and powerful

oh yeah

hehe margaret lynch said that

her last name is LYNCH

triggering

back to healing

healing not projecting not blaming not punishing

for comitting violence from being abused

healing healing

infinitely smart

infinitely powerful

sigh

mmmfffmmm

that feels good

and oh yeah i have that image and feeling the man gave me of brazil, of voodoo of the waterfall and the dark green jungle plant

and the waves of smiling women singing and walking

heal heal heal

they are happy

im going ‘thru’ one of those ‘disassociative states’ right now

and me typing is doing something different

so im healing

ok

actually this feels way simple

i dont have to do anything!

only express my feelings as im doing now wow!

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 11:21am
478: Daria says:

different choices in hell than in heaven?

choose the one that feels good transforms hell into heaven babystep babystep

im good

everything is good

so what if after death feels lovely

i will not kill myself

phew

i feel glad

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 11:22am
479: MissStix says:

473

Hmmm I like this! I agree. This speaks to me!

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 11:23am
480: Daria says:

i dont feel safe going there

i feel safe going there and that feels like smiling and giggling

of course im in charge

of all of me

i dont feel safe – amygadala tummy say ‘remember past experience’

im choosing to heal that now

i want to heal and understand this more thank u

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 11:25am
481: MissStix says:

This song came on and kicked me up another notch. Who knew there were more notches :p

I’m feelin sexy a free
like glitter’s rainin’ on me
You’re like a shot of pure gold
I think i’m losin’ control.

I can taste the tension like a cloud of smoke in the air
now i’m breathin’ like i’m runnin’ ’cause you’re takin’ me there
dontcha know
You spin me out of control

Boom me like a bass drum
sparkin’ up a rhythm

rock my world into the sunlight
make this dream the best i’ve ever known
dirty dancin’ in the moonlight
take me down like i’m a domino

Don’t know if I got those right (from memory). ooo G just texted me “How’s R______ on CaMpInG DaY??? ”

I shall reply “Fan-freakin-tastic! ”

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 11:30am
482: Calypso says:

I’m looking forward to my date tonight, but I sure wish he was taller . . . he’s about my height, so if I wear heels . . . I’llbe taller. It makes me feel geeky and awkward when I dance with a man and I’m taller than him . . . :/

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 11:31am
483: Daria says:

hearing these audios would deterr Anyone from hitting or withdrawing from their children on purpose

oh wow

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 11:31am
484: MissStix says:

And on that note I have to take off to run errands! I hope all sirens feel free and alive this weekend. (((sirens)))

My weekend will be full of music, friends (my cuz is even going yay), and the great outdoors! Stoked.

Back monday xxx

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 11:35am
485: Smile says:

I don’t want to feel masculine and controlling in a relationship. I want to feel feminine and …

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 11:37am
486: bloom-ing says:

i don’t want to leave my man.

sigh & i do.

don’t right now. wanna go home & cuddle & connect & plan our future together.

feel desperate & whiny that my parents will never think this is the right decision. feel desperate & loud & grabby that i keep begging all the humans for advice.

there is no authority outside of myself. i have to reconcile with myself.

i need early mornings, stretching, “news” or calm voices talking to me about interesting things – used to be the buddhist recordings, used to be old time radio, used to be npr, used to be audiobooks – wonder what would feel good now. need good food. need new work. better work. lots of writing. less money is ok.

feel straight terror.

wondering if i am strong enough.

told him i feel terrified to commit to you. told him i want to but i don’t know if i can.

please please please help me thank you

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 11:39am
487: Smile says:

I’ve stayed in hotels the last 5 weekends. I feel glad to be in my own house this weekend. It’s my plan not to have many plans. I’ve felt busy the past few weeks. I desire some relaxing alone time with a few outings in-between. That would make me feel good. I feel calm and chilled. I might light a candle, that will help me to relax as dusk falls.

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 11:40am
488: bloom-ing says:

i feel icky & stuck imagining going home & nothing changing. changes i want are not really “in the home” changes i want are in my work life. in the world. in the cities. in the schools.

no one will like me. no one from my “old life” will respect me anymore.

feel like i will have to move away, start over. sad parents hxting me for ruining my normal life. climb climb climb little girl – see, all these ladders we built for you ? we did it as a gift for you. you are an expert climber. there is no top, but keep climbing anyway. it won’t be better or different as you go, but keep climbing anyway !

sigh help

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 11:43am
489: Iamabutterfly says:

I feel sad and angry and curious. It feels like so much of the responsibility, forward motion, good stuff of the relationship depends on the woman.

She moves first by opening her heart. She speaks her feelings FIRST, and then he understands them LATER. MAYBE. If she doesn’t open her heart, if she doesn’t speak her feelings, nothing happens.

What is his role? He pursues, IF she’s open to being pursued.

He thinks for the relationship, but ONLY when she has allowed the relationship to happen, by TALKING about it. He makes plans, IF she smiles and feels good around him and trusts him to do all that. He is action oriented IF she allows.

but it all depends on her.
and that feels scary and too much to me.

if HE has issues, it’s like, she has to be the communicator.
What if SHE has issues?
Does HE know how to draw her out of her shell?
No, the woman has to be able to communicate and feel for the relationship.

It feels really unfair and unbalanced.

Having never been in a real relationship, I feel completely in the dark. I feel ignorant. I feel confused.

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 11:44am
490: bloom-ing says:

my mama has a harsh voice too. a man voice she used on me a lot.

i want to kxll my man voice, except i love it too.

my mama used her man voice on me two nights ago, she said, please choose a normal life. live a normal life.

i hxte cd’s work voice. he uses it on me a lot. “the cat got scared when you jumped like that” oh eff the cat – i’m dancing !

am i strong or am i weak ? neither.

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 11:47am
491: Femininewoman says:

blooming I am wonder if you could create a safety bubble around yourself regardless of where you are?

Wondering if your home could include a Goddess shrine where you retreat to rejuvenate yourself each day? Wonder if cd could commit to respecting that space and never disturb you while you are there?

What kind of mental options/escape can you create for yourself?

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 11:47am
492: Smile says:

Lamabutterfly- in my opinion it’s worth it! You get so much more back in exchange. In the right relationship that is. Stay feeling positive to what your heart desires 

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 11:48am
493: bloom-ing says:

i like living up up up in the mountains, with animals

i told my friend my dream & he goes “you’re weird, but don’t be that weird” omg sad girl !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 11:49am
494: Smile says:

I believe I’ve read something from dominique about it feeling ‘unfair’ but worth it.

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 11:50am
495: bloom-ing says:

the secretary at our office told me “this time you really have to leave, otherwise people will stop taking you seriously” OMG REALLY ???? scary but funny too…

i don’t know why i tell everyone my business. i want open sharing. i like to hear other humans’ reactions. maybe i like “drama” – maybe i like “gossip”…. maybe that’s why i like to come hear & listen to the drama fall around me…

i’m a storyteller too. i love to tell & hear a good story.

anywayz, i know gossips about all the humans in this office & not even from trying. i never ask. i care, but i’m not even curious.

also i want to leave this job anyway. i’d leave today if i felt sure about my bills & ish.

i better apply for jobs <- that's a loud voice in my head. somehow, it doesn't feel like the "right" way to go about it… i feel curious & open to hear more about that if any of you silly people in my brain heart know …… ???? HELLO i'm urgent & impatient & scared. yuck !

mama judging me. mama so nice ! she wants me to be happy & safe & successful………… but ……… she values different things than i value. thank you for noticing.

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 11:54am
496: bloom-ing says:

thank you, femininewoman…… i DO have options like that

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 11:55am
497: Tam says:

Lama, quite right.
If she has issues too, it’s all a disaster. I had extremely understanding and stable loving men in my first relationships. Now I had my own issues exposed by men with issues.
I don’t think it is possible to have a deep and meaningful relationship with anyone without working on one’s issues. I let nobody close to the real me and attracted men that were the same.
Big Bang….Boooom!! Big disaster.
Answer: heal ourselves first, get on it.

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 11:57am
498: bloom-ing says:

i feel like telling him, “i just have to get away from you & this house until i find a way to make dollars that SATISFIES me – doesn’t make me pxssed off & victim-y feeling” oh little girl. that’s so “on you” huff

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 11:58am
499: bloom-ing says:

gosh i feel angry at having a loving family who feels so strongly about “what i do” & “how i do it”

BUT omg i’m feeling so inspired thinking of my cousin… running off to Peru to teach art : ) omg she is so amazing….

& her parents refused to give her any money, so she worked odd-jobs on craigslist ….

wow. there is always “another way” isn’t there ?

btw she is YOUNGER than i am ! (((cousin)))

even she doesn’t totally “dig” my Relationship… hm

there is no authority outside myself. i must reconcile with myself.

i don’t want her to leave the country. seems “stxpid” to go alone somewhere she barely speaks the language & seems “risky” as a “career path” – just turning my judgment/judged inside-out. i love her

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 12:05pm
500: Iamabutterfly says:

Sometimes I feel like when I communicate with a man, it freaks him out, because I am so intuned to feelings and everything that’s going on underneath the surface.

I don’t like feeling that powerful.
but I am that powerful.

I like it when the man feels like the powerful one.

I feel so sad.
I’m just thinking about three “imaginary” relationships that COULD have happened, and in every single one, I felt unsure and scared.

and the very next “REAL” relationships the men were in, they married the girl.

but I always felt like they were looking back at me with a curiousity/sadness mix. Which made me feel guilty and confused and sad.

I want to heal this!

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 12:05pm
501: Iamabutterfly says:

and I always feel like the women in these “real” relationships hate me. Feel threatened by me. and that makes me feel guilty and angry.

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 12:09pm
502: Tam says:

Woman in a real relationship only feel threatened when something is wrong or they have low self-esteem.
In my best relationship, even though I had low self esteem, I never felt threatened by other women….but he was a rare gem. He only literally had eyes for me.
Feels sooo good to think back on that.
Even my best friend said the other day that she felt jealous of my relationship then. He would say, full of conviction ‘you are so gorgeous’ and just beam. He made me feel 100% loved and adored, and we were best friends too.
If I had known then what I know now….I thought all men/relationships would pan out like that, well never found anything even close.
I have the friendship part with MrP, but that’s all. And not enough.

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 12:17pm
503: Iamabutterfly says:

Love your thoughts, Tam. ((((((Tam))))))

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 12:25pm
504: Tam says:

Thank you Lama
It will all be ok! That’s what I am telling myself and sometimes it really seems like it will be, or is ‘ok’

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 12:37pm
505: bloom-ing says:

i feel like an abusive partner saying such crazy things like, i’m feeling confused. i need some space.

i know what i feel & i know my feelings conflict. that’s all.

both ways can exist ? aww my cute little optimist…. hi : ) what do you see ? driving to my grandma’s house, the grocery stores are decrepit & full of trash & poison – gold glinting high rise – green & suburbs out out the horizon, looking light like paper & violent like the ghettos. up at the top, the musty bedroom with worn, famous furniture. website reservations. yoga. puppy dog. skirts like eloise. libraries. books. old paper. dark archive rooms. kicking up grass running. insane lipstick like betsey johnson. fried blonde hair. or grey. tall tall tall trees – taller than the mountains behind them…. the windows open, cracked paint, blowing curtains & shimmering tapestries & piles of paper. a closet full of journals. a corner of pillows. someone down the hall. the garden. bread. cheese. goats. kale. radishes. eggplant. squash. carrots. heirloom carrots. cucumbers. lettuce. that nasally feeling trying to swallow bad bread. big birds who make terrible sounds. scummy water. clear rumbling tumbling water like children’s joyful play sounds. children & humans all together to hear & read & write – quiet & loud. communal & alone. support. free food.

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 1:20pm
506: bloom-ing says:

the inability to ask for help.

the desperation of begging help & not feeling helped

the impossibility of asking for forgiveness

the iron clamp of judgement.

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 1:24pm
507: Smile says:

As a contrast, here’s what pure Feminine Energy language looks and sounds like:

1. Only Feminine Energy, that’s completely attractive, magnetic , and passive
2. It’s leaned-back, warm, inviting, grounded, centered, no-nonsense, feeling, easy, taking responsibility for itself, just Being
3. It says “I feel, I’m feeling, I felt, It feels…and NEVER mentions HIM
4. It stands still when things aren’t going the way it wants, and if it starts feeling bad, it walks away. (Yep – walking away is FEMININE. “Hanging-in” when it feels bad is MASCULINE.)

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 1:27pm
508: bloom-ing says:

shiny trashy books sell millions

pithy self-published poetry gets sold in an estate sale by the author’s children

“i could write books about trendy things like crepes & wine tasting” EWWWW lk sells out grosssssss

awww hello ? i don’t want to go to grad school. i don’t want to pay the system til they decide i’m sxicidal enough to write “real” poetry. poor humans.

starving artist. there is no money for a living artist, only for the vultures who rip the canvas from their still-warm hands… hm

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 1:29pm
509: bloom-ing says:

art for political means

i need a patron lol : )

patronized art – subversive – not necessarily “sneaky” or “contradictory”….. hm

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 1:31pm
510: Tam says:

‘the inability to ask for help’

I confess.

I only just found out that my grandmother, the one person in my life I got unconditional love from in my family, said a few years before she died to a neighbour:

‘our Tam, I don’t know how she does it. She fights and bites her way through life. She never complains. She never asks for anything’.

At that point I had been abroad for 10 years and a fair few struggles , which I always yried to keep away from her. But she knew.
She knew without me having to tell her.

Do I expect people to read my mind?
‘she never asks for anything’
It is a compliment but also a testimony to my wall.

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 1:31pm
511: bloom-ing says:

chris rock tells the story of his cars breaking down on him all the time. people want to help you if you’re helping yourself. get out & try to push the dxmn think alone !

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 1:32pm
512: bloom-ing says:

* thing

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 1:32pm
513: Smile says:

I want to share with him also that time has allowed mr to reflect on what I want/ don’t want in a relationship.

I feel confident to say what I don’t want as in to be in masculine energy but I’m finding it hard to say what I do want as in to be feminine energy in the relationship.

I don’t want to feel I have to control everything like plans and money jn a relationship. It would feel good to …

Im struggling to finish this script. I’ve researched feminine and masculine energy but I don’t think I can write/ say I want to just be and feel in the relationship to be understood by him?

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 1:33pm
514: bloom-ing says:

THE THINGGG best scary movie. why ?

because Thing looks like normal…. but then it gets you alone & TURNS YOU INTO THE THINGGGGGGG lol yum

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 1:39pm
515: Tam says:

Scary, this Siren thing. My ex boss, very high profile guy (and married), has never contacted me privately ever – just sent me a flirty fb message.

I feel confused. I never had as much male attention as right now.

The one I like has gone into his shell.

Eh????

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 1:47pm
516: Miss Bells says:

#507 1. Only Feminine Energy, that’s completely attractive, magnetic , and passive

What do you do with a man that says you are “too” passive, and he wants an “alpha” woman?

Yet pulls away when you tap into the alpha power woman?

I am feeling confused. Not about the feminine energy, but by the man.

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 1:51pm
517: Dominique says:

Iamabutterfly – 489 – Read this. It may help.

http://sexandheart.com/your-mans-healing-heart

xxoo

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 1:59pm
518: Femininewoman says:

Miss Bells men will sayn things that lead you down the wrong path. I had a cd recently say to me “the chaser wants to feel like the chasee sometimes”. I just said I understand and left the ball sitting there. He sporadically initiates since then and I just respond with feeling messages. I am firmly standing on my bridge

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 2:33pm
519: Daria says:

What do you do with a man that says you are “too” passive, and he wants an “alpha” woman?

‘oh ok… mmm i don’t feel good like that, i feel better when the man is the leader and i can relax and be a goddess… what do you think?”

then you demonstrate self assurance by still being yourself – super attractive and powerful, better than alphaing it, in a non domineering way

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 2:34pm
520: Miss Bells says:

Daria–that is BRILLIANT!!

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 2:36pm
521: Daria says:

im feeling so good

i went out and fed myself a huge healing meal

my girl kept being surprised that i would order myself a 3 course meal

and of course, my man money came thru for me… he told me he would and he always does

i so appreciate you Money mi amore!

he is efficient and fit perfectly

and now i decided against going out when i really feel like bing herre w me, listening to intersting stuff, writing, doing movement, and doing deep healing eft mmmm

and now i did a movement to lower my sluggish after mixing starch pasta nd protein…

and mmm i feel so good and loved

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 2:37pm
522: Daria says:

Miss Bells – thank you!!!

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 2:42pm
523: Daria says:

LK i got your back homie!

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 2:42pm
524: bloom-ing says:

thanks, daria !! gosh i want to have my own back so strong

i feel wiggly & “untied”

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 2:55pm
525: Annie says:

399: April Rose says:

“Notes from Rori’s teleclass:

If a man is out of sorts, i.e. not in his happy, loving vibe, do NOT try to cheer him up.
Meet him where he is. If he is bummed out, you say “oh crap, that sounds a bummer. I get it. I totally get how you’re feeling.”

Meet him there and stay quiet. Don’t ask him for anything. Don’t ask him to change anything.

If you’re in a car, and he’s driving erratically, you’re gonna have to say “you know, I don’t feel comfortable. Can we just stop and have a coffee for a while?”

If he’s just in a slightly icky mood, you just stay happy. My favourite tool is ‘clean out your purse’ and you can do this in the car. Completely busy yourself. Don’t try to start a conversation, don’t ask him what went wrong. Nothing.

Believe it or not he will start talking to you. And, once he starts talking you have already dialled him back to his love channel.
You lean back, you smile, you appreciate him. Tell him he’s beautiful. Tell him how much faith you have in him, and how smart he is. Not because of what happenned earlier, but because of what he’s doing for you now.

He will be thrilled because you are a woman who isn’t trying to fix him.

Whatever is going on with him, it is not yours to fix, and the moment you try he’s gonna get angry with you.

If he’s angry say “Wow. I hear how angry you are. Today must be really shit”

Don’t take it personally, and don’t try to talk him out of it.

Stay warm. Don’t go cold or angry. Don’t go into fixit mode.

The fastest way to shut somebody down is to try and fix the unpleasantness. Just live in the unpleasantness. Flow with the good times and the bad. Don’t try to fix every unpleasantness and make it into a good time”

Do you think this is also the same with our women friends?
And what about with children?

I have noticed that sometimes I attract men who have relationship problems with other women and want to chat to me about it. I do not find any of these men romantically attractive so have engaged with them and wanted to facilitate them in working out how to solve it.
Well I say men but all these men have been ‘manboys’ I wouldn’t want to get involved or have a relationship with any of them. And do not initiate anything.

I am now feeling a little concerned to if this a problem as I am giving these manboys my time and energy or if it isn’t a problem because by doing this I am learning more about what type of man I don’t want.
I did notice that on the occasions that I said things like I feel sure you will work out what is right for you that they puffed up and liked it.
But if I do this to my women friends they spiral down into despair and I feel extremely concerned about
them.

I have also noticed that I have always attracted and been attracted to very masculine energy women.
And feminine energy men.
What is that all about then?

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 3:16pm
526: Annie says:

I have also on recent occasion said to a couple of men who have told me they were angry at me that their anger had nothing to do with me and then disengaged from them.
And if they have been ranting and raving ‘throwing their toys out the pram’ because they are unable to control me I have actually said man up or grow up. EEK! It just comes out and then I disengage. I man unfriended me on FB when I said this. However I didn’t feel bothered by that as I really had decided that I didn’t want him as a friend anyway.

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 3:22pm
527: Femininewoman says:

You need to be the opposite of shy to be truly happy. You need to be the opposite of shy to be truly UNFORGETTABLE to the men in your life.

What’s the opposite of shy? Let me use this controversial word just for today: FLIRTY.
Now I know what some of you are thinking: “Flirting is slutty! Flirting is manipulative! Flirting is cheap!”

Trust me, that’s NOT the kind of flirting I’m talking about.

You know what I believe? I believe that flirting is, deep down at the very core of its essence, is one of the most powerful ways of expressing love.

And let me tell you what the LACK of this powerful expression of love can do to your love life…

==============================

Let me tell you the story of a woman named “Sandy.” Sandy was a smart girl –she did well in school, and had the makings of a great novelist in her.
But there was just one problem: she was
painfully shy, especially when she was around men.

Sandy didn’t date much during her school years. She only got her first boyfriend at the age of 28 — and immediately married him! She was simply too afraid
of the idea of possibly meeting other men, so she “got it over with” and settled down with the guy.

Before the wedding even happened, Sandy was pregnant. Soon after having her first child, she got pregnant again.

And finally, pregnant a third time, she put her foot down. “No more sex!” she told her boyfriend, and she said goodbye soon afterwards.

Later on, during a routine physical exam, Sandy was shocked to learn that she was positive for a
sexually-transmitted disease. She later found out that the man she married was a hopeless womanizer, and got her sick!

==============================

Sandy’s story happened over two decades ago, but it still happens to countless women all over the world today. It’s a sad example of what can happen if you’re
painfully shy about meeting different men — you risk settling for a man with issues
(There are LOTS of them out there!)

That’s why we’re blessed to have the dating game, ladies! The dating game is a fantastic opportunity to meet many different men, weed out the weaker,
weirder, commitment-phobic little boys, and find the few best matches for yourself.

Most happy couples meet that way –through mutual friends. So the next time someone invites you to a gathering, do yourself a favor and say “Yes,” okay?

What about bars and parties? Are they good places to flirt?
Actually, I don’t highly recommend bars and parties. Sure, they’re fun once in a while when you want to unwind, and they’re the place to go to start casual
relationships.
But bars and parties are frequented by players, so the likelihood of actually starting a serious, happy relationship is very low.

Instead of joining bars and parties, why not join a common interest group?
You can join groups or communities centered around your hobbies. Or you can join a group to learn a new language or develop a new, useful skill. Or you can
join worthy causes you believe in.

These are great places to meet new men, because you instantly share “something in common” with them!

Alexandra Fox

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 3:23pm
528: Annie says:

Femininewoman says:

“Miss Bells men will sayn things that lead you down the wrong path. I had a cd recently say to me “the chaser wants to feel like the chasee sometimes”. I just said I understand and left the ball sitting there. He sporadically initiates since then and I just respond with feeling messages. I am firmly standing on my bridge.

I have heard this too.
Do you think this is feminine energy men want?
I remember a a thread by Rori about chasing men will try and find it.

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 3:51pm
529: Annie says:

519: Daria says:

“What do you do with a man that says you are “too” passive, and he wants an “alpha” woman?

‘oh ok… mmm i don’t feel good like that, i feel better when the man is the leader and i can relax and be a goddess… what do you think?”

then you demonstrate self assurance by still being yourself – super attractive and powerful, better than alphaing it, in a non domineering way!

I love that.

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 3:52pm
530: LiliBee says:

Hi Sirens!

I’m officially on vacation!!! Yey!!!

I decided to take a breather at work and mingle with the guys on break before I closed shop to go on vacation.
I practiced FMs, practiced feeling connected in convo.
I got alot of attention and it felt soothing.

One of them said “out of all the women at work, you’re MY best.”
I gave out a warm smile and giggled.
Then the men started arguing for fun.
1 said “she’s my best too.”
The other “no, you have so-and-so as your best. Leave me my best.”
Then I said “I can’t be everybody’s best, I’m open to sharing. lol.”

I was feeling uptight and tense.
I went to chat with them to wind down before I went to close my office for vacation.
It really helped me feel more mellow.

D called a little earlier, sorta testing the waters after our last intense convo, and his week with his son is soon ending.

He mentioned going to a car show with his son while I’ll be out golfing tomorrow.
I said “Oh, I wanted to go there, it’s just 3 minutes from my place.”
He said ” We can wait for you and make it Sunday instead.”

Wow, that guy never fails to amaze me.
No matter how crazy I get with him… he’ll wait for me to be available to take me where I would like to go, when he could go with his son while I’m busy.

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 3:54pm
531: Iamabutterfly says:

@517 Dominique, you’re an angel, thank you!

uggg, I feel so angry!

I asked my roommate to pray for me, because I feel really nervous about this organization thing I’m going to. Seenmecrycd is going to be there. Last time we went to this thing, he practically sat in my lap (what IS it with guys wanting to practically sit in my lap?) and was hanging onto every word I was saying.

We’ve barely spoken all summer, but I catch him staring at me all the time, even when he’s when he is with his girlfriend and it makes me feel so angry!!!

So, I told my roomie that I was nervous about seeing him and she was like;

“he has a girlfriend”
me: “I know.”
“he has a girlfriend:
me: he doesn’t have to stare at me, and the last time we went to this organization thing, “this” happened and now “their relationship” has happened.”
her: so, don’t go.
me: I’m not just going to not go because he’s there!
her: do you even know him that well?
me: no, I don’t know!
me: I mean, how well is “that well?”
Me: did you know YOUR boyfriend “that well” when he was pulling all his moves?
Her: No.
(I asked her something, can’t remember what)

Then she said something about me being irrational.

I felt so angry!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It doesn’t help that I have no idea what’s going on with Jack CD. and I feel guilty, because I know that’s partly my fault. *closing off my heart again*

and then…I wished one of my old CDs (who actually took me out on REAL dates, God bless him) happy birthday on fb and he vaguely hinted about going out again.

I’m so sick of vague and hints!

I WANT CONCRETE.
and I feel angry because I know I’m vague and hint-y!

I FORGIVE YOU FOR BEING VAGUE and HINT-Y!
YOU are CUTE FOR BEING VAGUE and HINT-Y!

I think I’m going to throw a vague and hint-y party.
and invite all the vague and hint-y guys I know.

and then become very NOT vague and hint-y with all of them, by letting them get all jealous of each other!

that’s another thing!

How am I supposed to CD when so many of them know each other, bump into each other, and get jealous of each other?

I like, feel it!

and whenever someone new enters the picture, they always seem a little better at first (probably because i feel less scared with them) but then the older CDs get all insecure and jealous and drop out of the rotation.

and then when I feel scared and unsure about the newer CDs, I start feeling curious about the older CDs and then like I bump into them and feel all confused!!!!

I’m a mess.
Thanks for letting me SPAM iT UP!

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 3:54pm
532: Annie says:

Oh Gosh, on the surface in public I am able to flirt but inside or at their place I feel very shy.

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 3:57pm
533: Annie says:

I don’t feel good in bars around drunk people.

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 3:58pm
534: LiliBee says:

The verrrryyy 1st thing that eeeever attracted me to D:

Was his soft loving expression in his eyes. His whole body radiates softness and love, even when he’s angry.

Looking at his face feels like lying on a soft, cushy puffy cloud floating peacefully.

That’s what my vibe got to be like when he called me this afternoon.

I got to feeling all lovy dovy softy with everyone…and he calls. Hmmmm, funny things those vibes.

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 3:58pm
535: Belle says:

Yesterday I made out with C for a minute at work.
I was telling him how good everything felt, then I said, “it would feel so good to be somewhere relaxed and private with you and feel your hands all over me, feel you kissing me all over.”

But as I was saying it I started actually feeling a little sick. I started feeling turned off. Because, truth is, we are playing around with an illusion and this man is not going to ever ever ever take any actual steps to make time and space for me outside of work.

As the day progressed I felt angrier and angrier.
I felt waves of shame as I realized that his gf and he had been broken up for a while and he made no move whatsover toward me.

I felt more waves of shame as I thought about him telling me that pretty much as soon as the previous gf left town he hooked up with the current one because she kept calling, basically for a few months and he finally started returning her calls.

I felt disgusted, ashamed, pist, irritated…more shame as I realized I had judged his gf as acting shamefully by pursuing him, when I’m no better because I have been easy and low difficulty and pretty much delusional.

I feel so angry right now.
I feel so angry with myself and ashamed for bringing up a conversation with him and leaning forward.
Leaning back only gets crumbs from him because he is so used to women pursuing him and he’s very feminine energy that way and
it’s all effed up anyway.

It has just been a stupid delusional distraction from how effing unbelievably boring and stagnating my job is. My supervisor and the other woman in the office (there are only 3 of us) have been having an affair for the past 5 years and have known each other for 10 so they spend most of the day in his office chatting it up and talking and they are like absent parents and me and the guys in the garage are like bratty kids acting up because mom and dad are checked out.

Grrrrrrrr
I was so desperate when I took this job.
Financially I’m living less than paycheck-to-paycheck, I’ve borrowed money the last 2 months to pay rent and will borrow again this month, though the amount decreases each month so that’s good.

What I want to do when I go in next week is just blow him off.
It effs with his emotions but really, should I care? He’s not looking out for me. A phone call at work when he noticed I have been crying is not a friendship or a relationship, it is a crappy measly crumb.

The idea of just cutting him off with no explanation doesn’t feel very feminine, and I’ve done it twice before, but I don’t feel I owe him an explanation.
He knows he’s cheating on his gf and he knows he’s still married so he knows the deal.

I need to get my boy energy stirred up to take some action and find a different job. I’ve been knowing that for a year, and my ears are ridiculously inflamed and I’m pretty sure it’s because I haven’t acted on the voice that tells me every day, “You need to quit this job.”

There was a time when I had no problems leaving a job and trusting I’d find another, I always did in surprising ways, only once did I have to move back in with my mom for a while and it would suck to do that again so what
is
possible,
dear universe?

I feel bored and irritated with him.
He is so used to talking about himself and everyone being attracted to and interested in him and being the center of attention he just stutters and stumbles over his words and babbles (literally) when I lean back, it confounds him so completely and makes him feel scared and nervous.
It felt sweet and touching for a minute, but I’m tired of it.
I feel like, man up or get lost, distracting waste-of-time manboy with nothing to offer!

I can see how, in not understanding boy/girl energy, I made the mistake of believing he is very masculine, because he drives fast cars, is totally into speed, won’t back down from a fight…but with women, he’s effed up. Feminine energy, but then resents the women being in the masculine role. Wants the woman to run the show, but then resists.
I’m feeling vomit-y.

Grrrrrrr

And still feeling angry with myself for living with this crap for so long.
Yumm yummm anger yes, gooooood anger, motivating anger, shaking loose the apathy…

Is there a sireny way to deal with the C situation?

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 4:28pm
536: Annie says:

Miss Bells.

Rori said,

“If your “vibe” is that of a woman who “chases” – you lower your pool of men to men who WANT you to chase them – which means they’re going to be very feminine in nature and standoffish and not make you happy. You keep to your old patterns.

And here’s the big question – Why would you chase?

And the only answer is: You don’t believe, deep down that what you want will show up for you.

You believe you have to “work” for it…and that’s not the truth.

So – I want you to experiment with how chasing and not chasing – how you feel – compels you to act – and how those things you do affect how you feel.

While you’re practicing with men – their response is not important in any way except to HELP you, to guide you to undoing old patterns and experimenting with new things and shifting your vibe to what will work SO much better for you in the long run.”

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 4:28pm
537: Belle says:

Ugh, I just feel so sick and angry
This does feel toxic and I feel like I wish he were here just so I could fight with him and push him away
I feel sick sick grrr grrr
I just want to be done with him (but do I if I’m still mad at him in my mind? I dunno).

This feeling reminds me of the the first time I had sex and the guy was pushing me and when I resisted he put his finger over my mouth and was singing “Never Surrender” (it was the 80′s) and I remember the pain, and going through the motions and being so relieved it was over so fast and for days I couldn’t get his smell off of me, no matter how many showers I took. It was a horrible, acrid, metallic smell and my yoni, my body, my bed, my hair all reeked of him and I wanted to just throw up
because the smell was so bad
and that’s the feeling I feel now, of wanting to fight off something vile and gross
and I feel like some kind of horrible b!tch because I was all lovey just a day ago
but now I feel again like
I want to hit him.

I dreamed of him the other night, he was pulling me toward him very quickly and I was merging with him but I felt stuck and resistant and felt pain in my throat and woke up feeling my whole body vibrating and feeling like I had been emotionally raped.

I know he wasn’t there, so it’s in my mind but I don’t know what do with with all this..

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 4:57pm
538: Miss Bells says:

#536
Not so much Chasy vibe. I don’t chase–don’t call–don’t write.
My neg vibe is when i am worried over money or freaking out about my own overwhelm. I don’t ask for anything. I just shut down. I go outside and call my friends and sometimes it gets loud-he calls it strident.
Now I am calm even though the car problem is still not settled. And I am not ALLOWING him to get aggressive emotionally about this, and put me down. He chases ME to tell me I’m brainless.
Instead I am going to leave and maybe go see my sister in Santa Cruz. When I come back I will have the car back, the money paid, and this whole thing will be over.

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 5:13pm
539: Laughing Goddess says:

Wow, I feel so relieved. I have been feeling very low energy lately and I started doing some research, and have started taking specific supplements for my body type and I am noticing a huge difference.

I’ve been dappling with these supplements a little bit, not taking them consistently and I noticed that I do feel better when I take them.

Then last night, I did a bunch of research on what I need specifically and then today, I made sure to take everything and eat well and I feel soooooooo much better already. I can only imagine how much better I will continue to feel as these imbalances get resolved.

And one thing I would recommend to any ladies who are on or have ever taken birth control is doing some research on b-6 deficiency and if you have any of the symptoms, dosing up on it.

I feel like a different person today, in a good way.

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 5:15pm
540: Laughing Goddess says:

Wondering about BW and Radiant Rising? Are you ladies around?

I’ve been thinking about you and wondering how you are doing.

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 5:16pm
541: Laughing Goddess says:

Awwwww I feel so happy hearing about your vacation, Lillibee. Your enthusiasm is contagious!

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 5:19pm
542: FlowerChild77 says:

(((Belle))) You’re being really hard on yourself. I would think the only really ‘Siren’ way to deal with this is to wait until he contacts you again (or wait for him to come up to you at work) and just say something like, “I don’t feel good about this situation and need us to just be co-workers.”

Other Sirens may have a better way of saying it, but since he’s got a gf and he’s married (maybe I misunderstood) I think he’d totally know why and hopefully stop certain behavior with you.

Are you CDing? Maybe you’re feeling attracted to him just because he’s ‘there’—and if you had other men paying attention to you he wouldn’t seem so attractive…? Just my two-cents…

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 5:23pm
543: Laughing Goddess says:

Miss Stix:

Going to music festivals is one of my favorite things to do with my guy. We went to several this summer and had sooooo much fun. We play in a band together and performed at quite a few of them and then went to a few others just for fun.

I feel so relaxed when I am there. I feel calm, not worried at all about my everyday life. My biggest concerns are what music to see, what friends to hang out with and what kind of yummy foods and drinks to ingest.

We are both foodies so we take tons of great food and elixirs and hook all of our friends up, which is something that we both get great pleasure out of doing.

I feel happy just remembering all of this.

I feel a little torn because there is a big one happening this week that we chose to skip. I’m feeling some FOMO, fear of missing out.

But also excited because we are skipping it because we have a big trip the following week to visit his family. It will be the first time I have met his family.

I feel a little nervous but mostly looking forward to it. He has planned all sorts of fun things for us to do while we are there, which feels exciting!

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 5:25pm
544: Daria says:

Annie – yay i feel happy to read that

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 5:30pm
545: FlowerChild77 says:

LG…Where do you get your information about specific supplements for your body type? I’m interested…

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 5:33pm
546: FlowerChild77 says:

Radlove…how are you doing?

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 5:35pm
547: Daria says:

“Jill P. wrote at unschooling.info:

When I started unschooling and consequently mindful parenting, I didn’t realize the effect it would have on my kids, an awareness about how conventional parenting is disrespectful and downright nasty, how upset my kids would feel when they saw it, and their disbelief that most of society condones it.

One night dd, Addi (almost 11), came home from her neighbor friend’s house full of stories about how the parents (a mom and stepdad) treated the daughter, wondering how it could be like that, and what she could do about it.

While the girls were playing the parents told the daughter to help them clean up branches and sticks in the backyard. Addi chose to participate. Well, the daughter wasn’t helping enough and so the parents, after making comments about how helpful Addi was and the daughter wasn’t, told the daughter to clean up the rest.

Addi couldn’t believe parents would treat someone like that,
and it was very sad to her to see the look of pain on her friend’s face.
So, she helped the girl clean up the rest of the yard,
and tried to comfort her.

The nasty treatment continued at dinner. Addi said her friend’s face dropped into deep sadness when she asked for some ice cream also. I understand that Addi had just been given some.) And the parents said that she couldn’t have any until she finished her salad. Addi was appalled, and took her ice cream back in the kitchen and asked that it be put in the freezer, and she would eat it when her friend got some. Addi told me that she just couldn’t eat it, it didn’t even taste good! unless she could eat it with her friend.

When Addi came home and told me how those parents “shamed” the daughter, she asked me how she could handle that situation…what she should “say to those parents”. I said that her actions spoke louder than words, and that she and we could treat her friend with kindness and respect.

~Jill”

http://sandradodd.com/unexpected

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 5:40pm
548: Laughing Goddess says:

Hi Flowerchild! Good to cyber-see you.

That’s a tough question for me to answer just because I didn’t take a straightforward path. I came to this by going down many rabbit holes.

What I found out about myself is that I have pyroluria, which is a genetic predisposition to excrete large amounts of zinc and B-6 in response to stress.

It’s actually quite common, but not commonly recognized in the traditional medical community, because it can be resolved with supplements and doesn’t require drugs or surgery, which is where they make their money.

I’ll go look for this one link that explains it really well. brb

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 5:57pm
549: Laughing Goddess says:

http://www.joyful-relationships.com/userfiles/…/Pyroluria_Questionaire.pdf

I feel curious to hear if you resonate with any of this, Flowerchild.

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 6:00pm
550: Brandylion says:

Dominique, #269: I was getting to the point at the end of my relationship with PriestCD that I slept better with him than without him. I slept well without him, but it was still better with him, even though things were deteriorating and I saw him only every other weekend!

I just feel curious what that says about us/me, even though we didn’t work out…

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 6:03pm
551: Laughing Goddess says:

oh, that link doesn’t seem to take one to the place I wanted. I’ll see if I can find something else.

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 6:04pm
552: Laughing Goddess says:

http://www.everywomanover29.com/blog/pyroluria-questionnaire-from-the-antianxiety-food-solution/

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 6:06pm
553: Dark horse says:

I’m trying to change my patterns of over functioning. Lionman is texting with me he feels bad about money and stuff.
Normally I would try to fix it or go into overdrive trying to find a solution. Tonight I asked him what he thought and said oh I know how that feels when he was down about money. I want to text all kinds of encouraging supportive comments like you will figure it out or you are great at x y z but I think when he is down my ‘cheerleading’ does not make him feel better. Lionman definitely falls into the depressed man category

I really want to change my way around this so he feels respected and not care taken.

And Daria I did hand responsibility for that task back to him. Thanks so much for your help with that. I feel so relieved it’s off my plate.

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 6:12pm
554: Dark horse says:

I also want to try to access my anger a bit. So my dynamic with Lionman is he holds the anger in the relationship and I have an impossible time expressing mine. Like really impossible. I literally cannot get it out its stuck down in my belly somewhere. Never makes it past my throat. I literally can’t get angry with him about anything I’m too focused on him not feeling bad ….. But the anger is there.

This morning it came out when I needed to leave for work but my dog didn’t want to stop chasing squirrels. It was cute at first but then I got into an absolute rage and temper feeling so powerless.

I never let people see that side of me as I think it’s awful and horrible and I’m ashamed of it. It frightens me the intensity of it.

Lionman says he can handle my anger but how does he know he has never seen it. But I think it’s part of the reason for problems between us my unwillingness to express negativity and anger. I can feel sad with him and let him see that and I can let him see my vulnerability but not my anger … I would really love some help with this please. Thank you.

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 6:22pm
555: FlowerChild77 says:

Just a little update… I’m feeling better in the general sense. There are still times when the pain and sadness come in huge waves and I can’t hold back the tears. Underneath, there is still this huge empty hole—the ‘missing him’ part doesn’t seem to be getting better.

During the day I think of what we’d be doing or what would be going on (our life was pretty “routine” and that combined with the many years together makes it pretty easy for me to ‘drift.’)

Of course, I try to stop the thoughts but sometimes I just can’t. It’s a really hard place to be—missing him so much and, at the same time, feeling lonely and wondering how it would feel to meet other men.

I’ve been eating very well and taking good care of myself. I go swimming at least 4 times a week (and working out in the pool with the foam weights–it sounds silly, but it IS a workout!)

I can see my body changing. I can wear different clothes and I’m working on loving myself in that Siren way. It almost feels sort of conceited, but when I remember how many years I’ve spent not really loving my body or how I look, I can accept it. It actually feels good to be able to look at myself in the mirror—naked—and like what I see. This is new for me.

I always felt beautiful with him…he never looked at other women. He made me feel like I was the only woman on earth. Sigh… I find myself ‘worrying’ that I’ll never find another man who loves me like that. (Also, I was a pretty lucky girl–he had a VERY nice body and was such a good lover…very intent on pleasing me and making me happy.)

Ok….I’m just babbling, here. I don’t really talk to anyone so my thoughts are just kind of spilling out.

I’m wracking my brain trying to figure out how I can afford to get myself a tread-climber/treadmill. I can still go to the pool in the winter, but I probably won’t go as often. And I’d like to do more cardio. It’s way too icy/slippery here in the winter to go walking. (And we have loooong winters.)

The BowFlex ones are way too expensive (the kind I’d like if I were rich!) but my daughter has a cheaper version, so I’ll probably be getting one of those, but it will still be a stretch to afford it. I’m afraid I’ll just get lazy over the winter and eat comfort food and not exercise. I need to make this commitment to myself and keep it.

You are all inspiring me to keep trying. It’s just hard being this lonely and still not feeling ready to date. Any thoughts…?

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 6:28pm
556: FlowerChild77 says:

Thank you LG, I will check that out and let you know. I’ll probably have more questions…

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 6:44pm
557: Daria says:

Flower Child – i use the T-tapp.com exercises… nothing else is needed… feels like a secret spring of life

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 7:34pm
558: Daria says:

yay Darkhorse!

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 7:34pm
559: Radlove says:

Daria,

394 – That’s really good!

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 8:57pm
560: Femininewoman says:

Flowerchild I own a treadclimber and would not recommend it to anyone. I burnt calories and got slimmer while using it but I also got a hip flexor muscle injury. The up and down motion created the strain on the muscle and though I felt the pain while working out I worked through it and was limping at times afterwards. Many times I felt dizzy afterwards because I also kinda ran /speed walk on it. The chiropractor forbid me to use the up and down climbing aparatus after a while but after years of not using it I am still suffering and now limp at times. It is the right leg so I unconsciously favor it and that causes a strain in my knee. I do physiotherapy but at times it seems the leg just gives way under me. I also have bone spurs on both heels from the pounding and a bone spur on the right hip where the muscle injury is. If I had to do it over again I would only use the treadmill. I would encourage you to look into dancing/zumba or pilates over the jarring treadclimber.

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 9:04pm
561: Radlove says:

Blooming,

416 – Ok, feeling really really insecure and little girl like tonight. I can’t handle this discussion right now. I am way in my heart right now and want to be held so bad.

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 9:05pm
562: Radlove says:

Smile,

440 – Well I don’t know if I meant either. What I had in mind is “home fries”, which in my world typically mean potatoes that are fried in a small amount of oil, sometimes with onions, and typically eaten with ketchup. They are more of a breakfast food, typically soft but a little crisp and browned on the outside.

My Dad used to make them by slicing a baked potato and frying it. I think mine would have been better if I had fried them in a higher heat. Mine were mushy after medium heat. But I liked all the suggestions on the blog far better. Next time I’ll do them in the oven with a small amount of oil or butter.

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 9:11pm
563: Radlove says:

FC,

546 – I felt way vulnerable all day. What I laid out in the blog this morning was like a heavy duty therapy session, and all that raw, deep emotion was on the surface all day.

I don’t feel resolved yet, just raw.

And all my financial concerns feel suffocating. I feel panicked about needing a job, and after intense job hunting for 1.5 months, I still haven’t had a single interview.

I feel unsure what direction to go. I don’t want to put my time and energy somewhere that will continue to not pan out into a job. I NEED a job, yesterday. I NEED to be hired immediately. I am trying to think how I could accomplish that most quickly. My unemployment money is not enough to live on. This crisis MUST be short lived or I will go under.

I am going to bed soon to wrap up in the blankets and imagine that they are God holding me. I need to be held so bad.

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 9:19pm
564: Radlove says:

Daria,

475 – I really relate to that prison stuff. Lots of thought and feeling invested in that. Friends in prison for 23 years, and I’ve been locked up myself 9 times for two weeks or less for pro life work. So I experienced it close up and personal, and I still find it like a living nightmare, like a fate worse than death, like the thing I dreaded most came upon me.

Tonight’s not a good night cuz I feel all ripped apart inside. But if you ever want to discuss it more, I feel open.

Right now I’m going to love my lil girl by giving her a warm, slow, paint-me-in-love shower and then to bed with my doggies.

Really had a melt down with R just now on text and he took it in stride…insecurities, embarrassment, awkwardness, Neediness with a bloom-ing Mountain of an “N”!

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 9:36pm
565: Radlove says:

One of my favorite songs:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hq2KgzKETBw&feature=colike

To really love a woman, to understand her
You gotta know her deep inside
Hear every thought, see every dream
An’ give her wings when she wants to fly
Then when you find yourself lyin’ helpless in her arms
You know you really love a woman

When you love a woman
You tell her, that she’s really wanted
When you love a woman you tell her that she’s the one
‘Cuz she needs somebody
To tell her that it’s gonna last forever
So tell me have you ever really
Really, really ever loved a woman?
Yeah

To really love a woman, let her hold you
Til’ you know how she needs to be touched
You’ve gotta breathe her, really taste her
Til’ you can feel her in your blood
An’ when you can see your unborn children in her eyes
You know you really love a woman

When you love a woman
You tell her that she’s really wanted
When you love a woman you tell her that she’s the one
‘Cuz she needs somebody
To tell her that you’ll always be together
So tell me have you ever really
Really, really ever loved a woman?

Oh
You’ve got to give her some faith, hold her tight
A little tenderness, you gotta treat her right
She will be there for you, takin’ good care of you
You really gotta love your woman, ya

And when you find yourself lyin’ helpless in her arms
You know you really love a woman

When you love a woman
You tell her that she’s really wanted
When you love a woman you tell her that she’s the one
‘Cuz she needs somebody
To tell her that it’s gonna last forever
So tell me have you ever really
Really, really ever loved a woman?
Yeah

Just tell me have you ever really
Really, really, ever loved a woman?
Oh
Just tell me have you ever really
Really, really, ever loved a woman?

Copied from MetroLyrics . com

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 9:38pm
566: Radlove says:

(((FC))),

555 – You are doing an amazing job taking care of yourself in the face of the horror you just went thru.

You could get a treadmill or bowflex for free off craigslist free list if you keep an eye out. It might take some time, but exercise equipment is something I see offered for free often. I have literally gotten thousands of dollars worth of furniture and equipment for free off there over the years. Most of my house is furnished thru CL.

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 9:46pm
567: Radlove says:

(((FW)))

560 – Sad to hear that. What a shame! That must be really hard to live with.

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 9:47pm
568: Emerson says:

Hi sirens!
I realized something that feels strange..
I’m scared of succes.
Why?
Am I blocking success for myself?
Why???

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 9:51pm
569: Emerson says:

Maybe if I had success in my relationships and my job… and I was still not “happy” ….then what??
There’s no longer a “if only I had…..then I’d be happy”

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 9:57pm
570: Radlove says:

Emerson,

At times, I struggle with this too. Stepping out of that cage of the familiar and safe feels so scary sometimes. Let’s move that stuck energy. Let’s be daring and take risks. Let’s envision ourselves successful and with all our goals met…vision boards.

It’s time to say yes to our hearts, yes to life, yes to our goals, and yes to success.

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 10:00pm
571: Emerson says:

Do I just really truly need to face myself? Have I not really done that authentically?? Maybe I don’t trust and love myself.

Sometimes I miss ToxicEx. and i mean like tears in the car sobbing missing him and his daughter and my “family years” with them. Aw omg he was so affectionate. Always touching me. I felt “claimed” and protected in the best way. But his violent dark side became more of a reality and I had to leave. Super sad.

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 10:04pm
572: Emerson says:

570 yes Radlove … I actually mad a vision board yesterday! And I put marriage stuff on there as well as family oriented stuff…a house, bbq, pool, also flowers and fruit to signify health and beauty..I also put a car, a woman walking with the most amazing boots on… I want to feel confident in amazing boots!!!

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 10:10pm
573: Emerson says:

A friend today told me there is a man interested in me…. Omg and he is the marrying kind… I dont know if I like him tho and I felt panicky when she told me cuz I felt pressures to “answer” but it’s ok Emerson you don’t have to…you can think about it and feel your way thru it.

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 10:15pm
574: Laughing Goddess says:

Emerson! I feel happy to hear that.

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 10:42pm
575: Laughing Goddess says:

***It’s time to say yes to our hearts, yes to life, yes to our goals, and yes to success.***

Yes!!!!!!!

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 10:44pm
576: Laughing Goddess says:

Radlove: Have you ever tried blanching the potatoes until soft before frying? That’s supposed to make them soft on the inside and crispy on the outside.

Yum!

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 10:48pm
577: Laughing Goddess says:

Flowerchild: I feel so happy to hear that things are generally feeling better. I’m sure it’s a process and I really admire your strength and vulnerability.

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 10:55pm
578: Emerson says:

576 lg how do you blanche?

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 10:55pm
579: Emerson says:

Sirens how do I get textcd to move from text to real life??

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 11:01pm
580: Laughing Goddess says:

Emerson: Well, I started to write it out but I figured this would be more succinct.

http://www.livestrong.com/article/506036-how-to-boil-cubed-potatoes-to-pan-fry-with-eggs/

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 11:15pm
581: Laughing Goddess says:

Basically you put them in boiling water until they are soft, but not mushy enough to fall apart.

Makes them cook a lot faster when pan frying and crispier.

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 11:18pm
582: Laughing Goddess says:

I do love oven roasted potatoes brushed with oil too! So yummy. I’m getting hungry thinking about POTATOES!

Emerson, I feel unsure of the answer to your question about Text Cd. I feel curious to hear more of what is going on if you feel like sharing.

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 11:20pm
583: Femininewoman says:

Emerson tell him you feel burned out on texting and then stop responding

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 11:20pm
584: Emerson says:

Thanks FW and LG !

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 11:41pm
585: Emerson says:

583 like

Friday, 24 August 2012 @ 11:42pm
586: Tam says:

I feel worse when I am sick.
My lottle girl wants to be taken care of even if I feel good enough to do it myself. I have been busy too and not been able to do as much around the house as I used to, though I did clean.
Normally we eat together here though I find it restrictive, like sometimes when I make my own food, it is sneered at so I don’t. Even though I don’t like a meat based heavy diet, I eat what they like, help, and occasionally cook for all of us (stuff they like).
Yesterday I felt sick and they went shopping. So I waited because they don’t like it when I make food alone. When they got back at 8pm, they said:’we’ve eaten’. And I was like: ok.
Nobody told me, or asked me if I needed
anything (they knew I did not feel well). I feel my little girl being ignored and at the same time I was too shy to make food. I just fed my wall and grabbed some cheese and said nothing. I feel like I am not allowed to be weak and authentic because they spend the whole day talking bad about everybody they see as weak. I close my ears. They must get triggered so much, to de so critical of everybody.
The other day I wanted to pay a compliment to one of their friends and they practically told me not to because ‘he will get a big head’.
I feel so sad, what are we – Robots?
We can’t compliment people? But we can criticise them.
I can’t wait to get out if here…4 weeks!!!
This is the life I might have had myself. Lucky escape.
Are they happy?
Only with alcohol do I see them happy. Nothing from the inside.
((((father))))). (((((step mother)))))

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 12:54am
587: Tam says:

I feel sad that I judged them.
They asked me how I was this morning and said they had bought me a criossant. I was all smiley and decided to chat with them a little.
A small step to break down a wall, that I have already broken down with other people. it is much harder with family because there is so much pain in the picture. Pain at my abandonment as a kid and now I am grateful to be able to stay here, but not happy and not comfortable. Those are my feelings and it is nobody’s fault.
They are just doing the best they can right now.

I just read about a new born being abandoned in a bin outside a Ft Lauderdale hotel. I feel sad. I feel compassionate with the woman. What drove her to do that? I feel love for the unknown baby boy.
((((baby boy)))) Just as I wanted to steal the neighbours kids from that souting match yesterday and run with them in my arms – far away so they can’t hear their parents scream. I just want to take the baby boy and run with him and make him alive.
This is so sad.
(((((humans))))

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 1:50am
588: Tam says:

‘shouting match’

typos..I hate them.

I feel full of emotions today, maybe hormones..ooooh be careful Tam that you don’t get flooded with ‘the sadness’ again…..uh oh…

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 1:51am
589: April Rose says:

I feel embarrassed to ask this, like I ‘should know’, but how do you ladies (and does Rori mention?) the subject of sexual health and how to aproach it before sleeping with a man?

I feel silly. I don’t say anything. I would feel so safe if it was brought up by the man. Do men ever suggest that you both go for tests?

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 2:35am
590: Tam says:

I don’t know April-R..to be honest, sometimes this comes up in a conversation well before, about general attitudes to dating. If it doesn’t then I would probably keep condoms close by
I have taken (calculated) risks before but not anymore, and would never do that with someone I don’t know.
Your health always comes first and if a man expresses being uncomfortable with using a condom, for example, it tells you a lot about him.

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 3:04am
591: Smile says:

589- April Rose

I feel curious about this too. I have been on the pill from age 16-28 I came off it at Xmas.

I feel scared and embarrassed to buy any condoms. I have 1 but I feel thats the mans job to buy them. I feel judgemental on myself saying that because I also feel it’s my responsibility to look after my own sexual health.

I wonder how other sirens go about approaching this?

Right now I feel like I will never have the chance to have sex again

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 3:04am
592: Smile says:

Tam, hope your feeling better x

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 3:05am
593: Tam says:

Thank you Smile, yep a little better.

I also have 1 condom..haha!! So far the men have bought them usually. Not that it happens often…I had sex last time about 6 months ago with my then boyf and we both had been tested…

BUT I don’t know. Hm. I would only go on the pill again if I had a long term stable boyfriend and that hasn’t happened for a long while….

Hm. I think a man will buy condoms if it is either that or no sex at all..haha. I only bought them once at an airport shop (felt safe), and then like in a film the woman says to me ‘it’s buy one get one free’ (good old Boots)….and there were all these people and I just wanted to jump into a hole and disappear…haha..and in the end I NEVER had sex with the guy whom I bought them for. Tooooooooo funny!!!! They lingered forever in a cupboard. i am still amused by this. Buy one get one free…haha.

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 3:11am
594: Tam says:

Smile, I am sure you will have sex again!!

I feel a bit like you, like it is a looooooong way off. I just respect myself too much nowadays to have casual sex, because although I can do it without getting attached (sometimes), it just feels empty. And I want to change to have something meaningful.
It would feel good to just lie in someones arms for a few nights first, and play a little, and just be held, before jumping into full-on sex. Can I stop myself?
I did last time with MrP, and it was a magical night.
So I would like to think I can do it again.
I want sex to be an expression of love and not a quick fix of needs.

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 3:14am
595: April Rose says:

Thanks Tam and Smile,

I still feel embarassed. I’ve been dating a man 8 months and sex is now on the table (!!!!! not literally – yet!) and no mention of health or tests has been made.

What do you think I should say?

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 3:26am
596: April Rose says:

From Rori’s newsletter

“HE and my romantic life were just head and shoulders the most important thing. And that’s just about the worst mistake any one of us can make.”

This will turn things around for me. I have always talked proudly about my love life being the most important thing to me. Not any more!!

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 3:28am
597: Smile says:

I feel I got ‘duped’ with strumming Man I fell for it big style.

After he wrote me the ‘I miss you letter’ he took me out. The next time we stayed in and watched a film. He bought me a bottle of wine round, my faviurite. Of course it was polite to offer him a glass, but this meant he wouldn’t be able to drive home if he had more. He did ask first about staying over before he drank it and said he would stay in the spare room. We ended up cuddling/kissing on the sofa, needless to say it led to more. I was hesitant along the way but had no will power.
I always felt various not to equate ‘i miss you’ with ‘i want to
get back with you’. That was the last time, he was full of promises again in the morning but slowly drifted away again

I know I won’t be having sex again in a hurry, I respect myself too much and have strong boundaries. This version feels better to tell myself, rather than feel I won’t be having sex in the near future because men are not attracted to me.

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 3:29am
598: Smile says:

It would feel comfortable and reassuring to know we are both sexually healthy…?

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 3:33am
599: Memulo says:

On tuesday he asked when he can see me and I said the weekend would feel good. He asked – I won’t see you before that? I said – ok, how about Thursday? He said he’d get back to me on that. Wed night he asks – so saturday&subday? Or Thursday? I say – oh do I have to pick? He says – I don’t know, I feel so disoriented because of my situation, I spent the whole day in the apartment. I will look into where we could go on the weekend and let you know tomorrow.

This was the last time I heard from him;) one thing I know for sure is that I am NOT going anywhere with him this weekend. Even if he sends a cryptic text tonight after returning the child I will tell him that I want to feel romanced, want a man who keeps his word and makes firm plans and I feel turned off and don’t feel like seeing him this weekend.

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 3:33am
600: Femininewoman says:

April Rose men in my experience usually bring up the topic of sex first. That is the cue to talk about your own preferences around sexual health, testing and find out what he thinks. Men are status conscious and are usually protective of what is theirs, including their health. My take is that they respect themselves and as such will respect a woman who is confident enough to let them know she expects him to wear a condom if they go there. Anything else is a man/boy in my opinion and not worth my time. Your health is your responsibility regardless of what Rori or anyone else says. If a man runs because you bring up condoms or testing, let him.

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 3:35am
601: Smile says:

Tam, maybe you could try this Daria suggested ‘in the mean time’ lol.

http://www.umaatantra.com/tantra_articles/female_deer_exercise.html

The first time felt a little uncomfortable being in my naked skin. But I plan to keep trying it until it becomes familiar and comfortable.

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 3:37am
602: April Rose says:

Smile,

It feels good to read “I respect myself and I have strong boundaries”

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 3:37am
603: Memulo says:

I know that his friend came to stay with him this week. The guy is moving apartments or already moved but likes SmartCD’s place better, so comes and stays with him. He told me that he’s never seen this friend with a girlfriend, always ‘dating’. I feel that his lack of attention all of the sudden can be well influenced by his friend’s style with women. Feels disgusting and manipulative

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 3:39am
604: Femininewoman says:

April Rose I would make it my mindset. Sex is for your pleasure when you choose. Just because it is 8 months and on the table doesn’t mean you have to.

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 3:41am
605: April Rose says:

Thank you Femininewoman,

I still feel embarassed to be discussing ‘testing’ as I am in the dark as to what actually it is. Is it checking for HIV? Anything else?

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 3:42am
606: Femininewoman says:

April Rose there are numerous STDs. Sex is important and you don’t want to be risky about it. You can share about feeling concerned. Tell him you feel embarrassed to ask but it is important to you. This is one area that I will outright tell a man that I would feel disappointed in him if he does not protect himself.

I feel so proud of you April Rose for bringing up the subject here.

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 3:49am
607: Tam says:

600 – FW I second that heartily.
If a man is not interested in keeping himself and also me healthy and happy – he can haul his behind..

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 3:51am
608: luzydel says:

I’m visualizing my happiness; I am in a deserted Island with no clothes on and totally alone, I hear the waves of the ocean, the water is crystal clear and I feel so much inner peace, I am free and I have nothing but myself and it feels peaceful.

I am back to main land and I am wearing a beautiful dress, I am at a nice restaurant on a date with a man, he is handsome, yummy etc. but I still have the inner peace I had at the deserted island and he is not going to take that away, I feel peaceful and happy I have myself all the time…

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 3:54am
609: Femininewoman says:

Smile don’t judge yourself. Think of it as an experience. This alprticle about having sex and not being hung up on him might heLP.

http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/sex-sensuality/having-sex-without-getting-hung-up-on-him/

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 3:58am
610: Tam says:

Thank you Smile for 601…will have a go.

For me it is a huge trigger if a man is not serious about sexual health..I have NEVER had a man refuse use of a condom (I do not have THAT much sexual experience actually), if he did, I would feel totally turned off.

I remember MrP once say to me that one good thing about not having sex is not having to worry about STD’s. I was in disbelief and said that I felt bad at hearing that and think it is important to protect oneself. he just said he didn’t like condoms much. Again, I was totally triggered by that and it did turn me off him sexually totally, may have been one of the reasons contributing to me not having gone there for the past year. I told him that I wouldn’t even consider sleeping with someone that hadn’t been tested anymore, or using a condom. He just went silent at that. And I left it. To my great shame I have to admit we had unprotected sex once and I felt terrible afterwards – not doing that again with anyone.
It made me angry with myself and also him for both being irresponsible, and also I had the impression that for him it was ‘no big deal’.
It’s another reason why I am very hesitant getting involved with this man again. I know he does not sleep around but still, who knows…we never know another person 100%. And he knows I had sexual partners, even if he didn’t, and it’s kind of odd to me that he is not scared of compromising his own sexual health especially as he is so safety/securtiy conscious in all other areas of his life.
Big trigger for me, really.

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 4:00am
611: Femininewoman says:

This is part of a comment from Daria about embarassment:-

I also notice the feeling embarassment! HI Embarassment! Embarassment often leads to Panick which leads to Paralysis. Embarassment pinches my face, my chest, my butt, my arms, hands and shoulders. Embarassment loves my body! I love Embarassment. When I think… ew that is disgusting about myself, how could I do somehting so gross, stupid, when I self-judge and think that people would think I’m annoying, when I think that I am being manly or creepy or old and witchy I feel Horror and Embarassment. I love it! I love that I can name this feeling! OHHH it feels so good to name it and know it and know it is simply a feeling of mine. I feel I can talk to myself! I can let myself know that even though I feel Horror and Embarassment I am ok… and even that it is ok… and there is no real need to feel this way in this type of situation and that it is very cute that I do feel this way! I would definitely want to feel Horror and Embarassment in an appropriate situation, for example if I decided to kill people and eat them. OR not? I feel worry! LOl this feels great! Hehe.

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 4:03am
612: Memulo says:

Blooming,

How are you doing? Was thinking about you. Had a few crazy days at work and didn’t follow the chat. Have you told him yet? Or you already moved out.. what was his reaction?

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 4:03am
613: Memulo says:

#611 – brilliant lol

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 4:04am
614: April Rose says:

Tam, FW,

The more you write, the more aware I am becoming about this whole topic.
I feel ashamed to have had my head in the sand for a long time, trusting to Providence for matters such as sexual health.

I think it’s a matter of education and awareness. I seem to have slipped through the net.

I may just take myself to the doctor’s for a test. Yes, I think I will get my ‘inner parents’ to organise that for me.

As for insisting on these matters with men….yes, I really want to get clued up on this.

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 4:05am
615: Tam says:

..and then he will start talking about making babies too…and I get even more upset. Almost as if he wouldn’t mind chancing it with the unprotected sex….but hang on a minute, love. Babies? Would I want to have kids with a man that can’t even commit to me?
Ermmmmm….NO!
The fact he brings it up now and then does make me wonder what actually goes on in his head, I know we should not, but it is very strange.
I sometimes actually worry that he will seduce me and get me pregnant because of the above. The one time (actually, to be honest it was twice in total..shame on me), we did have unprotected sex and I made a pretty strong case that he must be careful or else I will kill him, he smiled at me and said: I wouldn’t mind having a baby with you!
I remember thinking ‘mad. mad,he is mad. OMG.’
I have to laugh about it now. And the really scary thing is that I wonder if…I would be the one freaking out totally..and he would just be: ‘cool’.
That is a scary thought. Oh jeepers, blow away scary thought!
No more sex.

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 4:08am
616: April Rose says:

How old are you, Tam?

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 4:09am
617: Femininewoman says:

31: Linda says:

Okay… I pin here to burst the bubble…..You know girls, when you have casual sex or any sex for that matter.. it creates a tie to your soul with that person.. a “soul tie” if you will. Those ties happen whether you want them to or not. You might think it is nothing but there are things that happen in our spirits that cant be seen but they are sure felt!…..a person could end up getting quite knotted and then your are a hostage to them. I may be old fashioned here but look before you leap or should i say sleep! My sexuality is a treasured precious commodity and… I am the only one that can protect it. A moment of bliss is not worth the fall out later in my opinnion!… care for yourselves !

Linda

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 4:11am
618: Tam says:

April Rose, I also had my head in the sand for a good couple of years. No respect for my body. After not having had sex in decades, I went for it – and tried to be sensible but wasn’t always.
I went for a test too and all was fine luckily.
But then I never was too silly, still.
I am respecting my body now, but I know I have a tendency to get carried away, so it takes me a lot of willpower. I hope to have that now.

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 4:11am
619: Tam says:

I am 36, April, I never had proper sex until I was quite old as I was scared. Of men and losing control.
Then once I started it was like floodgates opened..

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 4:12am
620: Femininewoman says:

Im sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you. I love you.

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 4:14am
621: Tam says:

I realised something was wrong with me emotionally when I did not get attached to men because I had sex with them. Truth.
I do a bit if I really like them, but I was capable to have two friends with benefits…shame on me. I never felt I wanted a relationship with them.
Sex with MrP brings us further apart as it has no intimacy, it bonds him to be (strangely) but not me to him. I get bonded when I get held and kissed and get real intimacy. So now I know that for me, sex and intimacy do not always go hand in hand, and I want them to, so no more fwb. Ever.

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 4:16am
622: Tam says:

‘bonds him to me’ not to be.
I know that if we sleep together, he will get clingy. And then withdraw as it scares him.
So I don’t go there unless things change.

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 4:18am
623: April Rose says:

I will start practicing my approach to sexual health.

In the meantime I don’t want to have sex. I will prepare the way for sex with the man who is right for me.

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 4:21am
624: April Rose says:

Tam,

Do you intend to feel bonded to your Mr Right when he shows up? I feel curious…

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 4:22am
625: Femininewoman says:

April Rose maybe your mother never discussed it with you?

Men like to feel your internal softness. For some the condom is such a barrier to that feeling. It limits their pleasure. At least that is what I am told. Some will admit they fantasize about having unprotected sex with you. I take this as a man who feels safe with me and telling me he wants to stick around rather than taking chances with other women he does not feel sexually safe with.

Talk with yourself about the topic in front of a mirror and start scripting about it until you feel comfortable and find your confidence.

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 4:22am
626: Tam says:

intimacy when having sex scares me. I find it hard to even open my eyes, let alone look into my man’s eyes. I feel sad about that

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 4:23am
627: April Rose says:

I feel delighted in myself that I am feeling so sober about the whole matter of sex.

Thank goodness EM did that weird ‘murderer’ thing which turned me off!

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 4:24am
628: Femininewoman says:

Tam nothing is wrong with you. No need for “shame on me”. Stop beating yourself up for your experiences. Please read Rori’ Sex and Sexuality category.

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 4:26am
629: Tam says:

624, yes I do April…I just don’t want to end upo bonded to Mr Wrong, that is why perhaps I get scared of opening up. Literally.

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 4:26am
630: April Rose says:

Yes FW,

I’ll do lots of practice.

My Mum didn’t talk about sex with me, and I always felt very shy and awkward about the topic. I even felt ashamed to know what sex was, so I pretended I didn’t know.

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 4:27am
631: Tam says:

Thank you FW, I don’t beat myself up – just reflecting and knowing that now, I would act differently. It’s all good…just processing

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 4:27am
632: Tam says:

April Rose, you are taking good care of you! I feel happy.

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 4:28am
633: luzydel says:

I do not judge myself over sex anymore, I could be without it for months, years and then one day I could have sex with someone if I feel like it…

I like this part form Rory’s blog

“I could handle sex. I was even prepared to ditch my husband after waiting 4 months, then having great sex with him. I was determined to serve myself in the highest way – and I wasn’t going to let a little thing like my personal issues with sex get in my way.

We have to choose. Are we going to let our mistakes and our off-track wanderings derail us permanently? Or are we going to take what we can – the enjoyment, the pleasure, even the pain from every experiment and experience we choose or have ever chosen to have – and GET BACK and STAY on the track to our Happy Ever After?

Just because we fall off our Horse doesn’t mean we can’t get right back on again. The Horse knows the way, and she is ready and able and thrilled to take us where we want to go.

So don’t worry about your past, and don’t even worry about your present, or how many more men you may get sidetracked by.

Just get back on the Horse as QUICKLY as possible and don’t spend time reliving and regretting ANYTHING.”

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 4:29am
634: Femininewoman says:

April Rose that might be a topic of discussion to break the ice that could help build intimacy and start opening you up. Even with WM.

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 4:30am
635: April Rose says:

Tam,

I love the intensity of looking into the eyes during close contact.

EM often had his eyes shut when we made out. He told me he was shy and nervous. I found that so hard to believe.

What do you imagine you/a man will see if you look into his eyes?

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 4:30am
636: Tam says:

April Rose, my parents never talked to me about sex. I was abused by our landlord, a friend of my Dad’s (not raped luckily), it went on for months. We never talked about it, except the court stuff, and we never talked about sex. For many years I had no idea what my abuse was all about because they let me believe that babies come about through kissing (my belief was never contradicted).
So talking about the topic is also very difficult for me. I tend to get triggered and snap, also when I don’t like something in the bedroom.

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 4:32am
637: Femininewoman says:

Love it Luzydel

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 4:32am
638: Smile says:

That was useful to read femininewoman thanks, I’m back on my horse.

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 4:33am
639: Tam says:

The opening eyes thing just feels awkward, it’s perhaps due to my issues, it feels ‘too close’. I started doing it with my bf, it was nice actually but then I never was really in love with him, so maybe it felt safe with him? Don’t know.

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 4:34am
640: Femininewoman says:

My mother spoke but defensively and kinda warningly. She never knew any taboos because no one spoke to her. Her mom died when she was 11 and got pregnant at 19 not knowing what to do to get pregnant. She slept with a man because a friend encouraged her to. She was told babies were brought in planes and believed it until someone looked at her and asked her if she realized she was pregnant. She kinda finds it amusing now and even talks to my daughter about taking care of herself sexually.

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 4:37am
641: Femininewoman says:

My mom got pregnant at 19

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 4:37am
642: Femininewoman says:

I close my eyes as part of experiencing pleasure and melting.

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 4:39am
643: Femininewoman says:

EM might have been afraid of the intensity of his own feelings. Remember men avoid intense emotions when they can because they can feel really intense in short bursts.

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 4:41am
644: April Rose says:

Sex is a topic that I can discuss with ease if the other person isn’t embarassed. If they are, then my shame feels like an insurmountable wall.

I can talk to WM about sex, and I will.
We began last month, when he revealed to me a BDSM relationship he’d had in which he was the dominant partner.
I felt turned off and a bit sick, but my curiosity wanted to know more.
He told me he’d humiliated this woman by talking about their sex life in front of his friends.

He feels awkward and shameful and judgemental of himself around those desires. And I do feel he was repressing those fantasies with me, and making do with loving, vanilla sex (what I wanted).
I wouldn’t trust him to be sexually dominant with me. I don’t respect him enough.

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 4:41am
645: Smile says:

636 ((tam))

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 4:42am
646: Tam says:

FW, yes, I also close my eyes to ‘feel more’…true!

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 4:46am
647: Smile says:

I think there is a lot to be said for teaching about sexual health.

I’m a primary school teacher in a deprived area. I have to teach about nipples at the age of 5-6 years!

My cousin got his girlfriend pregnant at the age of 16 when they were both still in school. They had been going out for two years. They are the most innocent, gorgeous couple. There daughter is now 2. It was an unfortunate, uneducated accident. But gave them a lot of stigma sadly they are great parents though.

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 4:51am
648: April Rose says:

I close my eyes sometimes.
I feel more passion tho’, when I look into the eyes and SEE his desire…mmmmm…and see him looking at me…looking for me….no idea why that is so sexy…..

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 4:54am
649: Smile says:

Strumming man has always been very hot on getting himself tested before we slept together as his previous girlfriend had cheated on him.

I got tested at the doctors as a result of a smear test.

I feel embarrassed to admit that unless this had happened I wouldn’t havd known where to go for one or what happened?

I still don’t really know what to do if i want to get myself tested :/

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 5:02am
650: Daria says:

hmmm I have sex when i want to, sometimes without condoms cuz *I* want to…

i don’t feel worried about diseases much, like i don’t worry about catching a flu

what a relief to have NEVER worried about that

i have had some infections before, shoot i had that one bladder infection – and using condoms!

that was my last straw in NOT having sex for me

from then on… sex is for ME only

yayyyyy

whew how wonderful

i feel good about this yay!

and men generally want me to have their baby lol

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 5:05am
651: Memulo says:

I have a former CD who I asked for help when my guy was in trouble, after over a year of no contact. He called me back the same day to give me info I was looking for. Now a month later he is inviting me for coffee sometime this weekend. I intend on accepting!

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 5:09am
652: Daria says:

if his penis smells ‘off’ then i wouldn’t do it

also i get tested usually after each partner,

though i haven’t gotten tested after my new lover last month – we used a condom

im not gonna get tested this time, i can feel my health

when i was younger i got a whole bunch of subclinical / yeast/ bacteria etc

when i don’t feel emotionally safe my body gets sick during sex

((((Daria))))

thanks body for taking care of my heart

mmm thank you for healing

also i like that i can order std tests online myself, i don’t feel good going to the clinic that often

and once i got yeast from going to the clinic too much and my body not liking that

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 5:09am
653: Daria says:

yay Memulo!

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 5:10am
654: Daria says:

i felt so sad when i saw that *winky face*

i was like , oh that must cover so much anger and disappointment and sadness

awwww

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 5:11am
655: Daria says:

im so cool of BDSM lol

i only want to do ‘fake’ bdsm just so i can wear my leather strap outfit i bought (open busom!)

and lil whip

hehe

i like dressup

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 5:14am
656: Dark horse says:

So this is a tiny thing but wanted to share. Usually my convos with Lionman involve a lot of reassuring on my part building him up validating him etc. over an eight year period this has led to me feeling invalidated and like my words fall on deaf era. Last night when he was sharing his vulnerability around not having money I basically just said oh that sucks. It felt uncaring to me but the result shocked me. He kept the convo going and something about his responses I realized he felt heard by me! All my YEARS of encouraging support have been a waste of my energy. I feel mad but I also feel kind of excited like this stuff works and also oh I get it there is another language here. I’m naturally such an empathic person but that has not worked for Lionman it makes him feel like I feel sorry for him all the time.

Thanks I think to April rose who posted those notes from the telecasts yesterday.

Now I feel despairing of how much I have to learn and all my engrained patterns how will I ever be able to change them.

Also yesterday a man asked me what he should do. I don’t want o give advice anymore. I am queen of giving advice. I said I’m not comfortable making that decision. He got angry I could see he wanted the decision mde for him. But I felt so much safer when I pushed it back to him and he did take it on. Same with Lionman I feel safer now that he owns that financial issue not me.

I have so much to learn.

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 5:21am
657: Daria says:

im excited about being aware and in tune with my fertility and having full on sex without condoms at times i consider i won’t get pregnant

i have herbs – Queen Anne’s Lace, to chew in case i feel worried

i douche with a lil apple cider vinegar in water – i have before on intuition when a guy took off the condom mid sex! without telling me and i could feel and smell the elixir in me lol

i feel so smily and giggly thinking fo that and how i knew to take care of myself

hehe

i don’t want men to ‘trap me’ lol

i feel amused

i feel happy

neem oil too i can put inside, one time i put too much tho and i felt nauseaus

im really in tune with me now and i feel happy yay

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 5:22am
658: Daria says:

wow Darkhorse well that feels amazing to read!

let me tell you taht feeling of despair – i felt it – and the magic is how FAST things change once i have that awareness – AND how amazing they start feeling

i feel so excited to read more from you!

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 5:24am
659: Dark horse says:

Ugh now I feel so angry! I know I’m strong but don’t lean on me men! Stop it! I want to lean on you, I want your strength.

This is what I learned at home. Super strong mother her needs came last and high drama emotional (awesome super interesting) dad.

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 5:28am
660: Dark horse says:

Really Daria it could be fast? Tht would be so great! I don’t want to spend another eight years unwinding this tangled ball of wool!

I feel sad.

Also I have been in therapy for years. I love my therapist but I’ve basically just worked out something here with you ladies in two days that I haven’t been able to change in years in therapy.

I’m 44 and I feel sad it’s too late for me to have the babies I dreamt of having with Lionman. I wanted those little lioncubs so badly andi know he did too. At one point. Before I got into all trying to be so strong and STOIC.

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 5:33am
661: Dark horse says:

I am surrounded by artists all very sensitive men. I love you men! But what about my feelings? I’m sensitive too! Does it have to just be one sensitive person and one strong person?

When I fell in love with Lionman it was because he was sensitive and strong and decisive and in charge. That changed the more he asked me to do and the more I took on. I don’t want to be in charge!

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 5:37am
662: Tam says:

(((((dark horse))))
stop being in charge and I promise you will be surprised. I was always in charge and now I just sit back. And I am surprised often.
I am no longer ‘strong’, and love it.

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 5:45am
663: Tam says:

…but it does trigger some people. Those women who row the boat, are overfunctioning etc get triggered by me. And the artsy feminine men now too..they used to flock to me but no longer…interesting.

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 5:46am
664: Smile says:

He he I feel silly reading the blog backwards!

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 5:48am
665: Smile says:

Im not friends with ex of 2 years on fb anymore but I can see through mutual friends that his current girlfriend has created an event for something we use to do together. She has invited his friends to it, not hers from what I can see. only 3/11have replied going.

In the past this would have triggered feelings of jealousy but in my new found emotional growth I’m like aw poor girl stuck in her masculine energy, trying to make plans for him with his friends.

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 5:52am
666: LiliBee says:

Good news! New zumba semester! It will now be 2x a week instead of just 1x.
Yeeeeyyyy!
and they moved the class closer to my place! 5 minutes by car or 10 minutes to walk

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 5:52am
667: Smile says:

Love those ah ha moments! The realisation feels empowering!

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 5:52am
668: Smile says:

I’m flitting from one job to another to another today, I’m doing it in an order that feels good to me

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 5:55am
669: April Rose says:

FW,

I did not know that men can only handle intense feelings in short bursts.
Is there somewhere I can read more about this?

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 6:03am
670: April Rose says:

Dark Horse,

I feel so gently thrilled that my notes from Rori’s teleclass were helpful to you.

And I take so much relief from the knowledge that the less I do, the more at ease he is.

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 6:05am
671: Tam says:

665 – Smile, I had a similar moment when that woman made friends with all of MrP’s friends. She’s the new gf of a common friend of ours and she went boating with them ONCE and then befriended everyone on fb. major lean-forward. She also tagged her new bf in lots of ‘arm in arm’ photos. He did not post anything, or even allude to any of it. So I know what goes on here…I just thought ‘awwww, poor love’.
I have met these people many times and never befriended them, some have befriended me – ok.
I would not post a whole lot of ‘I claim you as my bf’ pictures on his page, unless he had done it first. He had been trying to keep her under wraps actually, from what I had heard.
Maybe that is just me, but I wouldn’t even have done that before Rori. Now with Rori, I just feel for the girl and the insecurity she must feel for this relationship.
It may not even be a relationship.
((((((leany forward girl))))))

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 6:06am
672: LiliBee says:

D came to see me last night.
It was just supposed to be a quick Hello.

We were sitting on the sofa as I listened to him tell me about his week.
I paid attention to how I was sitting and realized I was in a lean forward position.
I leaned back and instead of asking him what he did with his son all week, I asked him if he enjoyed his week.
He told me all about it in detail, and I just layed back listening.
I said “I feel so happy that you had a good time.”

He said he had to go to take care of his freshly tattood arm. Rinse in cold water, let it dry, then rinse in cold water again. let it airdry.

As he left, I leaned back at the door.
He moved forward to hug me, and I rrreally let myself feel and melt.
I said “Aaahhhh, I feel soooo gooood wrapped in big strong man arms.”
He stepped back towards the door to leave, stopped and hesitated.
I didn’t say a thing, I just let my whole body lean back.
Then he said “I don’t really have to go. Do you want me to stay?”
Me “OK, if you want to stay, it’s OK.”
Him “I want to stay. I can rinse my arm here.”

Everything I did to shift my vibe while he was away with his son really helped me ‘just be’ in the present moment.
I was able to get out of my head and allow my feelings to be and just enjoy the moment.

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 6:11am
673: Tam says:

Oh Lillybee, how fascinating

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 6:20am
674: Smile says:

Tam 671- photos were the reason I unfriended him actually and we got back in touch. He was being tagged in all his holiday photos. He hardly ever posts anything on fb let alone have holiday snaps of him half naked on there on the beach. Poor girl.

That’s when I got the nice message from him saying he hopes we don’t lose contact with each other now were not Facebook friends. He wants to stay in touch with me on good terms.

That made me feel smiley. He wants to meet up still after my hols. It would feel good to see him again after he rang me before going away. In the past I would have texed him by now to say I was back! But I’m a siren now, totally leaned back in the present and open to contact with no attachment to any outcome. Feels great!

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 6:23am
675: Tam says:

Smile, wow.
So do you still have romantic feelings for this guy?

Oh yes, in the past it would have been me texting to say ‘I am back’ too…and I used to do that.
I stopped already last year, which prompted MrP to send random texts to my phone literally everyday, checking when I was back in Fl…but the phone did not work while I was not in Florida, so I never knew. On the day I got back, literally, I received one of those texts and I was gobsmacked. After, I had asked him how he had known I was back on that day.
He said ‘I didn’t’.
So I was thinking ‘hmmmmm’. So I asked him why he sent that text on that day…and he said ‘well, to be honest, I had been sending a few, you know, for the last few weeks, well most days…’.
Too funny.
If they want to be with us they’ll make the effort.
I am doing nothing anymore except tend to myself.
Well, mostly

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 6:27am
676: Smile says:

Lilibee I felt such joy for you reading that

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 6:29am
677: Tam says:

I also posted a few pictures of us boating and friends, but I never tagged him and he and his friends can’t see them, so he doesn’t even know.
I prefer it that way

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 6:29am
678: Smile says:

Tam, totally still have feelings for him (ex of 2 years) he makes my tummy flutter and my heart sparkle 

I also still have feelings for strummingman

But when Im open to dating again soon after I’ve moved I’m open to having butterflies in my tummy from other guys too lol!

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 6:33am
679: LiliBee says:

This feels so weird. I’m wondering if it’s the universe at work:

A friend of mine reserved a big cabin in the woods at a place I had been feeling curious to go to for a couple of years.
I’ve heard alot about that place.
She invited me to come along with her, her bf and 2 of her friends.
She said I could come alone if my vacation didn’t work out with D, or I could come with D.
They really like him.

While D was here last night, I was wondering if I should mention it to him, or just keep it tucked away safe as a plan B.
I decided to lean back and wait til Sunday to see what plan he comes up with.

Then out of the blue, he mentions he would maybe like to go to that place I was thinking about.
He said we could go hiking in the mountain and go whale watching.
That’s exactly what my friend said they would do over there.
She said she would also take time to visit family over there, so we would have some time to ourselves.
She has the cabin reserved for 4 days and 3 nights for next weekend.

It feels freaky how 2 people that talk to each other only 1x a year through me, both come up with the same idea.

It feels like the Universe put this together.
I would feel good being with that other couple.
They are so in love. D and I both feel good to be around them.

We could spend some alone romantic time during the week and go with them for the weekend.
That combination feels good to me.
I would feel so good and relaxed spending a day at a spa, staying overnight 1 night alone with D, then going to have fun with those special friends at that place we both wanted to go to.

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 6:36am
680: Smile says:

I always remember feeling insecure on fb with relationship statuses so now I just don’t have one! Problem solved!

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 6:37am
681: Tam says:

678, well you never know what happens….sounds exciting!!!
Oooh..I look fwd to find out when ex contacts you…because he will. hehehe.

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 6:38am
682: Tam says:

lilibee, I am convinced the Universe puts things together, when we are ready to see and receive them.
It does have something to do with our vibe.
When I am in a hole, nothing good happens around me until I myself, start pulling myself out of that hole.
Crazy but true, that’s when things start to come together all around me.

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 6:40am
683: Smile says:

He said see you in a couple of weeks, so I’m just chugging on then when he contacts I’ll feel Mega smiley

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 6:41am
684: LiliBee says:

Tam & Smile,

I feel comforted to read you feel happy for me

I feel happy to inspire someone.

These tools really work.

Things were so tense after I had my outburst last weekend.
My FMs were loud and clear about how I felt disconnected and invisible.

Last night, I felt connected.

This morning as he left he said “you look really tired”.
I said “yeah, I feeeel tired.”
He said “well take it slow today, don’t rush.”
Then he gave me golf advice for my tournament today. He said “just relax when you hit the ball. It’s best to have it go straight then hit it too hard and have it get lost in the woods. Drink plenty of water, wear a hat and sunscreen.”

I felt so cared for

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 6:45am
685: LiliBee says:

682:

yeah Tam, I agree.

I believe I should go there next weekend.
This ‘coïncidence’ feels too freaky and right to ignore.

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 6:48am
686: Smile says:

I love the universe!

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 6:49am
687: Tam says:

Ah Lilibeee, that is sweet about the golf!!!

It reminded me of an occasion when I was going for Hockey with MrP and it was my first time and he told me three times I must bring something warm.

When we got there, we met up with two friends (male) who had also never been and they did not bring anything warm. I said: ‘oh, MrP told me to bring something warm’ and they said ‘why did he not tell us?’. He chimed in ‘because I thought you could take care of yourselves!’ And he giggled.
And I giggled too. I brought far too many clothes because he went on for it for, like a week before.
Too cute.
(((((caring men)))))

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 6:50am
688: Siren Angel says:

Sirens, I feel so scared. As it turns out, I went with my kiddie yesterday and M and his kids to a waterpark. I was actually able to connect with 11 yr old quite well and all went smoothly. Except at some point I was left alone with his 5 yr old and when I went to sit next to her she said ‘I dont want you to sit next to me’ and she basically ignored me all day and that felt awful and sad. We did otherwise have a great day but the 5 yr old is always hot and cold, has been in the past too, but was extremely cold with me yesterday. I feel scared that this will impact M and how he allows me in.

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 6:51am
689: Radlove says:

R was an absolute sweetheart last night after I went to bed. I had asked for reassurance after my meltdown of insecurity that he wasn’t mad at me. He gave me that, and then he was very tired after not sleeping the night before, so we said good night.

I felt surprised when he texted me about twenty minutes later, asking if I want to talk. He asked me what was going on, so I told him about how I was feeling really vulnerable about my need to be touched and held. I told him how the months we spent cuddling and pillow talk were some of the most fulfilling, content days of my life. He was just really sweet and supportive and caring, and I felt soothed.

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 6:55am
690: Radlove says:

Siren Angel,

688 – I know it feels hurtful when a child ignores you, but just remember, she is a 5 year old. Most adults will understand that a child may feel resistant to having a new woman in her daddy’s life. I feel confident that in time she will come to love you. I would try to take it with a grain of salt.

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 7:01am
691: Brandylion says:

Sirens, how do you keep phone calls, especially with a new guy, to 10-15 minutes? What do you say to extricate yourself?

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 7:03am
692: LiliBee says:

688:

SA,

Did you tell her that it feels sad coz you really like her?

That’s what my gf did with her bf’s 7 year old daughter.
My gf is very tuned into her feelings.

Slowly but gradually, the 7 year old loooves my gf a year later…even with the ex jealously trying to come between them.

What if you told your man how it makes you feel sad, and ask him what you could do?
He would certainly feel you devoted, and it would make him feel valued and respected that you ask him for his help.

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 7:14am
693: Smile says:

Being asked to give someone a reference for a job makes me feel high quality.

I am high quality.

I feeling deserving of a high quality man.

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 8:18am
694: Siren Angel says:

Thank you Radlove and Lilibee, it is nice to catch up with you. I have told her and she uses FMs with her dad too and also says that she finds it is always about how I feel when I use FMs with her… I am afraid i have taught them FMs by using them…

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 8:24am
695: Emerson says:

Brandy lion,
I may simply say something like “it feels nice to talk with you. Right now I need to hang up the phone and take cAre of some things before I go to bed/start my day/ etc….I feel open to chat with you again.”

Just playing with it here… Your thoughts??

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 8:48am
696: Emerson says:

I am still thinking about my ” fear of success”

What can I do to heal this?

I feel indecisive. Especially about where to live. I feel torn between two places. Both feel like home but one place has fewer “ghosts” from my past.

I’m afraid to make the wrong choice and will I not be happy??
Will I feel stuck?

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 8:52am
697: Emerson says:

Will I feel trapped if I get married? Will I feel trapped if I find a job in my old home town, like I never can leave the past to rest??
I had an interview at a place about 10 minutes from toxicEx house. Maybe that’s why I was thinking of him.
I’m feeling confused.

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 8:56am
698: Daria says:

Siren angel – I felt do softened reading Lilibees suggestion. And disappointed reading it kind of brushed off.

Honestly – the train of thought does seem to be all about the adult and not empathetic to the child.

There’s mention worrying about the relationship w the man suffering rather than interest in how to better the relationship w the child in the role of (step) parent.

‘I’m afraid I taught them Fms’ also gives me that impression

Wouldn’t it be lovely that they would have learned this?

I feel confused and heartachey reading that.

I feel worried these kids would suffer with beibg caretaken by someone not empathetic to their needs .

I wonder what would happen if your son – I know he doesn’t – said something like this?

I would go full force into educating myself – a parenting class – one that stays away from authoritative or shaming methods – even reading online about other parents experiences gives me daily insights in relating with children and other loved ones.

It’s amazing how fast things change with a few tweaks… And bravo to you for even choosibg to navigate thru this challenging ‘rough’ time of connecting with the children… youre brave and powerful.

Feeling messages are ways to really connect, and I deliver them, sometimes repeating myself, in the moment…
Really focusing on being vulnerable and sharing With rather than at…

It sounds like she feels overloaded and uncared for

And in that moment, angry and resentful

That might be something to say too… Seeing how you’re a parent and she’s a girl child

‘ouch . Ohh … it sounds like you feel angry… I’m sorry about that, I want to respect your wish to not talk… Though I feel sad cuz ur so fun and I really like it when we are connected… If you Do want to talk I’m here ‘

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 9:02am
699: April Rose says:

Emerson,

Rori sent out an e-mail a day or two ago, and I think it could apply to your fear of success, although it specifically addressed the feeling of being stuck. So, yeah, I suppose you could say it’s like you’re stuck in an unsuccessful place…

Anyway, here’s the snippet (from a loveforever teleclass e-mail)

“You Can Get Unstuck Fast…”

Perhaps you’re thinking and feeling that you will never have the life you want, never have the LOVE you want, it’s just not in the cards, not in the stars, not possible in the world as it is right now and as men are right now.

So – now that we know what it LOOKS like, what does being stuck FEEL like?

Perhaps you feel:

“I want to stay exactly where I am. I do NOT wish to move forward.

I only want to stay in my thoughts, keep doing what I’m doing, go somewhere where I’m safe, where I’m comfortable, where I’ve laid it out so nothing triggers me and everything stays the same.

But – at the same time – I wish for MORE! I wish for even more love, more passion, more dreams coming true, more excitement and happiness and fun and even money.”

Perhaps it feels like: “It’s as though I want more – but I don’t want to move from my spot.”

So here we are – stuck between what we really want and where we feel comfortable.

And no amount of “thinking” is going to change that.

What changes it is “action.” Small steps toward “MORE” that aren’t so scary they make you tense up. Small steps that actually FEEL good and get you quick enough results that you truly WANT to do more of them.

Getting unstuck is a process where you sneak up on yourself.

It’s “stealth-like.”

You do things that are fun and effortles and just a little bit challenging – and before you know it you’ve made a huge leap in a new direction without activating your defensive armor.

Without getting your inner “Nasty Voice” all ticked off and in motion.

You sort of “slide by” all your patterns before your system goes on “alert.

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 9:03am
700: Daria says:

Siren angel – sorry , please disregard any judgement tone in my post

Im realizing I’m really hard on myself about being able to handle situations with children.

I used to feel intimidated by them and some of that has healed …

If a mans children were giving me a hard time I would feel so triggered and I don’t know Thai could ‘handle it’ and I’m judging me.

I would feel better to take care of my own emotions and instead I wrote an advice post w my heart closed and
‘analyzing’ sometimes.

I feel excited to practice my suggestions, such as that soft , appreciative way of speaking.

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 9:19am
701: Emerson says:

I feel sobby and sensitive

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 9:21am
702: Emerson says:

Thank you April rose.

Hmm I’ve been dreaming of visions of being in the UK when I was very young and missing it and feeling “homesick” for my uncle there who was so so nice to me and he is now deceased. He died six years ago and I still feel sad.

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 9:26am
703: Emerson says:

I’m really on a weird roll right now… I feel on the verge of some changes but I feel scared….I have a lot of “homesick” feelings inside me…I feel curious where it’s from.

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 9:28am
704: FlowerChild77 says:

FW…thank you for sharing your experience about the treadclimber (#560.)

I do have some health issues already, so I am grateful to be aware of possible injuries using this type of equipment.

It will be awhile (months) before I can afford to get something, so I’ll be doing my ‘homework.’

The reason I want something for at home is because I know myself—I don’t want any excuses to not do it/not go—and if it’s right here in my living room there is no excuse

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 9:35am
705: Emerson says:

I hope all the sirens have a good day…I’m going to go meet a friend

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 9:36am
706: P-lala says:

In the interest of being accountable for how I behave in my relationship, I am confessing, here, that I recognize that I have slipped into boy mode with K…I find myself advising and manipulating. I promise to myself that I will lean back and allow him to continue to love me and surprise me without any direction or expectation. I miss being the girl…it’s ok girl, you can come out and enjoy the sounds and tastes and textures of love, it’s safe here.

Wishing I hadn’t missed so much on the blog lately, but continue to think good thoughts and offer up prayers for each of you as I remember you throughout the day.

((Sirens))

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 9:40am
707: Dark horse says:

Thank you tam! Feels nice to let go! I love that story about mrp telling you to wear your ht and sunscreen! How sweet.

Lilibee loved your story about d …. Oh I’m soooooo bad at leaning forward I’m always back rubbing and hugging etc. and I see how when I lean back Lionman moves physically towards me. Question when you said it feels so good to held in strong man arms …. I always say it feels so good to be held in your arms. I say this because Lionman is insecure and always wants to be the best and better than other men but the RESULT of this is now I feel insecure. Is it better to take you out of it? I feel like he will get mad tht I’m talking about men instead of him.

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 9:41am
708: Dark horse says:

Miss stix I love your vibe and the painted toenails and Squamish. I googled it it looks amazing. I love the great outdoors! It would feel thrilling to do more hiking and camping. Lionman and I don’t do much together. I feel sad about that. We used to swim and hike and camp. I want to have fun with him again.

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 9:44am
709: P-lala says:

Dark Horse,

“big strong man arms” feels so descriptive and affirming of his masculinity…the “your” is implied since it IS his big strong man arms that hold you.

Saying “your arms” is nice but doesn’t feel as strongly affirming.

So, I say go for it and give it a shot with dropping the “your.” I know that with K, he responds so strongly to my affirmation of his masculinity using FMs…it’s like I become irresistable and he gets all puffed up and manly.

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 9:44am
710: Belle says:

688

Siren Angel

I think she’s on to you.
Even at 5, I’m pretty sure she can tell you are more worried about making sure that things go smoothly with her to ingratiate you with her father than actually getting to know her as an individual, real live autonomous human being.

Put yourself in her shoes and look at yourself from her perspective, how does that look?

She’s 5, she’s saying what she wants. Kids ignore, that’s what kids do. Taking it personally is giving another person wayyyyyy to much power over your emotional state. Please Rori’s tools to get some perspective here.

FlowerChild
542

You are dead on about him being ‘convenient’. I have thought many times that by letting women pursue him he isn’t taking much of a risk…MIRROR!! Neither have I! And I wasn’t really emotionally resourced to take any risks for a while.
It worked for me for a time, I’ve been integrating several years of mind-blowing experiences and healing from many heartbreaks and finally facing the grief of my baby’s death from decades ago and it was what I needed at the time. Lots of therapy and pretty much walked away from my entire former community and everything I had built over a decade so I could start completely over from scratch again.

I’m stronger now, though.
I’ll just keep leaning back and focusing on me and I know the crap that doesn’t serve me will continue to fall away.

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 9:46am
711: Laughing Goddess says:

Ouch

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 9:50am
712: Dark horse says:

I want to tell a little story. My horse lost a shoe and my farrier said can u find it. Well a man wants me to solve something I’m going to do it! I set out determined to find that shoe which involves looking for something covered in muck in a large field of muck and tall grass. I had a strategy to follow the tracks the horses made. No luck. I was logical then dividing the field in sections no luck. I was getting wet and dirty and despairing.

Then I stopped looking and started wandering. No real plan. I thought about how good it would feel to find it. I told myself I was good at finding lost things which I am. I remembered magical instances in my life. And I heard inside me the shoe is here in this part of the field. I considered looking in tall grass where I hadn’t looked but I heard inside me no the shoe is here in this part notover there. And there it was! I felt like I had won the lottery picking up that piece of metal that was talking to me.

I felt so happy this morning when that happened. At first I went outside of myself to find it looking and searching but really I found the shoe by listening inside of myself. Does
that

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 9:53am
713: Dark horse says:

Make sense?

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 9:54am
714: Dark horse says:

I feel like I’m learning so much so fast! Thank you! Thanks p lala Im excited to try and see what his reactionis. I’m always too careful with his feelings I think.

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 10:10am
715: Emerson says:

710 wow belle that is powerful stuff-walking away after a decade..I can relate to that I’ve been wanting to start fresh but I am scared.

I am so sorry about your baby’s death. ((belle))

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 10:12am
716: P-lala says:

Dark Horse,

Just wondering if he might sense that you are being careful with his feelings and internalizing it as ‘you don’t believe he has what it takes.’ If he is sensitive and intuitive, he would probably sense that and it would feed his insecurity rather than build him up.

I only share that because I feel hurt when people are overly careful with my feelings. So, I’m projecting my response onto him, but thought it might be helpful to consider.

What do you think?

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 10:13am
717: Emerson says:

I hate typing on my phone.

Dark horse I love the story about finding the shoe!!!!!

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 10:15am
718: Dark horse says:

P lala I totally think that’s what it is. My mom was ak
Lays so sensitive to us that it ended up making us feel like we couldn’t do or handle things. I think I totally do that too

I don’t want to. I think he is awesome and amazing and can do incredible things fearlessly. I Want to change this. Thanks for your feedback.

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 10:20am
719: luzydel says:

MC. Carpenter song That’s real…
Love it because that is the stage I am right now.

I’m not made of stone, I’m not made of glass
I’ve been alone, every one has
I’ve learned to forgive what I’m not
I just try to live with what I’ve got
Maybe I’ve got what you need

If you need something that not only feels right
Something that’s based on a real life
One thing that’s worth every page of the deal

Not some old line or rose colored dream
Not some other time, you know what I mean
When I tell you that this is all that it seems and that’s real

How far can I crawl out on this limb?
There’s so far to fall and here comes the wind
There’s so much to lose but love doesn’t wait
So I’ll be a fool who found out too late
But I’ve been a fool for far lesser things

And I want something that not only feels right
Something that’s based on a real life
One thing that’s worth every page of the deal

Not some old line or rose colored dream
Not some other time, you know what I mean
When I tell you that this is all that it seems and that’s real

Not some old line or rose colored dream
Not some other time, you know what I mean
When I tell you that I’m, I’m all that I seem and that’s real
And that’s real
And that’s real
And that’s real

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 10:26am
720: Laughing Goddess says:

Siren Angel:

Hi! I can imagine that feels frustrating to get that response from the 5 year old. What came to mind when I was reading your post is that kids test and push boundaries, some more than others, and this is one way that they learn. I suspect that she senses something different in your vibe, that you are trying a different approach with the kids, and she is unconsciously testing to see how sincere you are.

I feel hopeful that the father would understand this.

Sending hugs

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 10:29am
721: Heart says:

Hi Sirens – I met a new guy…he’s kind of gorgeous. He asked me for my number and then he kissed me….and then he asked me to go home with him…and of course I said No.
And then he asked me to go out but I was feeling overwhelmed so I told him I had plans and couldn’t go.
He texted me today but I got it late and sent a response but have not heard back from him. I feel excited by him but I also miss CuddleyGrinch. I’m almost hoping new guy doesn’t contact me again so I have no internal conflict.
Later, I saw that Cuddleygrinch was tagged in a picture out with friends on FB and I gained Perspective. I know he must be seeing other women…Most likely
.
And I don’t think he expects that I’m just seeing him
but at the end of the day…
I don’t know what he thinks/ expects….and everything is so new that I dont even want to have such a conversation.
But
I’m starting to feel a little bit confused by it all. And a little bit guilty…I Know I shouldn’t but I do…

Any advice?

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 10:33am
722: bloom-ing says:

Miami advice by kimya dawson:

I was feeling master blasted lost my head my anti-entity
and just because it’s real to you it isn’t not pretend to me.
And did you know my Ebro taught me positively everything
I never didn’t know about double negativity.
Have you been unfollowed by a sargenistic drinkiness
sitting home alone in a pool of your own stickiness.
Jxrking off to your own tweets iPhone on the shxtter
while you insult everybody else for what they write on twitter.

My delivery is speedy can you mc’feel me?
Banana mid drift, so appealing.
My head is in the clouds and my feet are on the ceiling
the foundation is much uglier then what it is concealing.

Here’s a little bit of Miami advice
for when your hand is down your pants and there’s a gxn between your eyes.
And she cxcks it the minute you cream your jeans
you say “Baby do you wanna ride my sound machine?”
She’ll say “No” but she’ll laugh and drop the gun I think?
And say “Do you wanna hear the story behind my new ink?”
and she’ll say “Hey little man why cant you see there is no spark
take off your socks put on your shoes and go get eaten by a shark”

If I don’t set aside time for writing songs I go insane
the stuff that’s left unsaid just turns to static in my brain.
It’s hard to get things done when my head is full of craziness
its when I am the busiest that I seem the laziest.
I’m sending off my monkeys in the backs of the pink elephants
so it doesn’t matter if my lyrics are irrelevant.
Tossing out my thoughts like handfuls of confetti.
Add a little ____ and I feel better already.

My delivery is speedy can you mc’feel me?
Banana mid drift, so appealing.
My head is in the clouds and my feet are on the ceiling
the foundation is much uglier then what it is concealing.

I was feeling overrated, I was feeling under smarted
when you looked me in the eyes and it smelled like someone farted.
Was it man or was it beast or was it just my upper lip
was it an iLembe hippie or just a New York City hipster? What’s the difference?

As well all try hard to make this world better
if it’s thrift or if it’s vintage it’s still your grandpa’s sweater.
Either way three cheers for you
cause its better to reuse than support the corporations by buying crap they mass produce.

You think you think you think you think I’m preaching to the choir but I am not, I’m not, I’m singing with the choir
we are all birds, birds of a different feather, we each sing the way we sing and we are all in this together.

We are all in this together.

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 10:33am
723: luzydel says:

I feel like staying home today, clean my place, shave my legs, paint my toe nails do my hair, etc. My kid’s coming back after spending time with his father in he summer, so I will spend time with him this week that I took off from work. I may go to the beach and rent a room for the labor day weekend. I want to nurture myself, treat myself good, so when my Mr. amazing shows up he knows I wont settled for crumb treatment, because I will know what feels good.

My Mr. Amazing is somewhere, riding in his own horse, living his life and dreaming of someone just like me, one day our paths will cross and it will fee magical

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 10:45am
724: Laughing Goddess says:

Love her way with words!

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 10:48am
725: Sassy says:

So I’m guessing that when you have 3 CD’s and they all turn flaky, do I take it personally? It does feel bad…

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 10:51am
726: luzydel says:

725

If it was me I won’t take it personal, because I could get three new CD’s or CD myself, I have choices also, just like they do…

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 10:58am
727: bloom-ing says:

sassy, maybe it’s clearing space for better things… : )

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 11:01am
728: Emerson says:

I’m moving slow today time to get motivated Emerson

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 11:11am
729: Laughing Goddess says:

Emerson, are you taking your b-vitamins?

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 11:13am
730: Laughing Goddess says:

I’m finding that they help when I am having a hard time getting motivated.

And also trying to focus on at least one thing that I am looking forward to doing. Do you have anything fun planned? Maybe some beauty errands?

Sounds like you have a lot on your mind, maybe just taking a break from it and doing something you love would help.

Also eating a nourishing meal.

And of those resonate?

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 11:16am
731: Belle says:

Emerson
715

I’ve always done things the hard way so there might have been an easier way to do what I did, I just didn’t know any better. It can probably be easier for you, since you’re here and know about feminine energy. I was trained to be masculine and hide my feelings by my father so I built up my whole life around similar people…which made for more and more and more pain.

My true friends, who are aligned with my deepest values, are still around although sometimes we go weeks or months without talking to each other, and we’ve had to face projections and our own stuff, and at the time I left town, I couldn’t stand any of them!

So there are 3 from then, and this past year I made 2 new women friends, who know all about the emotional affair and keep reflecting my highest, best self back to me and appreciate my gifts and learn about themselves by my transparency. Me being myself fully gives them permission to be them and all of our lives have improved from what we’ve learned through our friendships. That makes 5 friends, who see all of me, good and bad, that I never have to hide either my faults from or my greatness, and that is a LOT!

I feel choked up now, I feel so much gratitude.
Emerson I don’t know what your situation is but I can tell you my soul has been violated and ruptured over and over and over again, and it has only served to grow my compassion.

What I’m learning now that I’d like to share with you is that the more I focus on what feels good, what nourishes me and feeds my soul and crave more of that, the more the other stuff falls away. I didn’t “walk away” from where I was in another state, I started focusing on my health and well-being and getting clean and next thing I know I’m suddenly no longer welcome in the community home I had co-founded. I started asking questions and making changes with NO expectation that anyone else would but it was so uncomfortable, I think, to see someone pretty much overnight feel ready and able to quit all the drugs I was doing and start taking care of myself that I had outgrown my situation.

I feel that I’m outgrowing my current situation, too, and have to just keep reminding myself, focus on ME, my health and well-being, my pleasure, what I need, and life will show me the way to a better match. What feels delicious? Mmmm…dancing with ecstatic healthy radiant sober people! Mmm…veggie tacos at the taco stand! Mmm…calling my friend to express appreciation and crying with gratitude and joy. MMmmm… lying on the couch for 2 hours listening to Sedona Method releasing recordings and dreaming. Mmmm…gonna go outside and hoop for a few minutes. Mmmm…gonna go play with a 3yr. old who is showing intense distress because her mother decided to stop spanking her and that’s how she knows she’s loved and just be with her while she freaks out and keep eye contact and smile into her eyes so she knows whatever she’s feeling is loved and welcome. Yum Yum yes

Dark Horse
712

Okay yes more of that please yes yum! Loving the reminders, it doesn’t have to be so darned hard!
I wonder if I can find my ‘lost’ thumb drive, now…hmm….
I love George Clinton
“Free your mind and your a$$ will follow
The kingdom of heaven is WITHIN!”

The answers are inside
of
Me
!
Tears rising in my chest
I’m such a crybaby
Joy heaves through my body in great rolling waves of tears sometimes
and sometimes
delicious
uncontrollable laughter

Laughter yoga teacher says tears and laughter are the same thing!
I skipped out on laughter yoga this morning to have yummy veggie tacos and cry my joy.
MMmmmmm rolling and vibrating all through my chest!!

I feel content.
I love me
(((((((Belle))))))

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 11:28am
732: Dominique says:

Brandlion – 550 = Just because it didn’t work out with him doesn’t mean there wasn’t still a connection and some good feeling energy between you, and this kind of energy feels soothing thus aiding sleep.

xxoo

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 11:30am
733: Smile says:

When the time comes to separate our stuff does anyone have any suggestions so that I don’t take charge like I usually do?

When I separated with ex of 10 years I just left everything as he was still living in the house. Although I was financially out of pocket I didn’t want anything.

This time now four years on I’m the one living in the house. Strumming man won’t want to take much but some of the furniture is his so that’s easy. What about stuff like pots and pans etc? We both paid half?

I really don’t want to take charge over separating stuff

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 11:34am
734: Smile says:

I vow to myself not to live with another man unless were married.

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 11:36am
735: Smile says:

I say marriage as that’s what I want from a committed relationship.

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 11:36am
736: Dominique says:

Flowerchild – 555 – You will feel ready when you feel ready and not one second sooner. Can you embrace and love this part of you. I do.

xxo

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 11:38am
737: bloom-ing says:

daria,

did you buy a ttapp thing or do you access videos online ? i’m feeling curious – thank you!

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 11:41am
738: Sassy says:

Thank you luzydel and blooming!!!! I feel supported

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 11:49am
739: luzydel says:

I was reading this about Traits of a Mermaid…A mermaid is different form a Siren although they can be both are seductive with their singing and are near the sea… I have more of a mermaid personality, interesting stuff… http://williammistele.com/finaltraits1019.htm

I will find traits of a siren…

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 11:49am
740: Heart says:

I feel bored
and I feel ignored….
and I feel manipulative
and I feel like a bratty crybaby.
And I feel bad and good at the same time…

I’m going to take a hot bath…

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 11:49am
741: Belle says:

Sassy
725

I felt giggly reading this.

Take it personally only if you want to.
I’d feel relieved and thrilled if I had 3 people in my life who all turned flaky and disappeared. Good riddance, thank you universe, thank you flaky people for not cluttering up my life anymore. Woo-hoo! I feel so much lighter without you now!

I heard Byron Katie say she would say, “Thank you for showing me who not to be with!” and that has served me SO well.

Like the guy I had a crush on who went glassy-eyed and started babbling about goofy stuff when I told him how I felt. I focused on, “Thank you for showing me who not to be with!” and found out later he was so shady and had been depressed for 14 years and lied about damages in a car accident to get more money and was in a long-term off/on again power struggle relationship with another woman.

Or the guy who put me on ice for a month so he cold fly in another woman he had been having a LD relationship with as well as a different woman from another state…I found out he had a domestic abuse conviction and a history of controlling, hiding, and criminal behavior.

and the guy who flaked on me then turned up again after coming out that he had been having an affair with his married roommate. They got married and have had a horrible life together. Turns out he’s attracted to women with meth addictions who cheat on him and treat him like crap. Oh, sorry, I can’t fill those shoes, thanks for knowing that and flaking out.

Which sort of gives me an insight to C, he’s attracted to masculine, delusional, toxic women…the more honest and in touch with reality and feminine and healthy I am the less he will be attracted to me and that will just dissolve. Hooray! And the more attractive I will be to men who are attracted to healthy women!
Sweet!

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 11:49am
742: Dominique says:

Emerson, Radlove, April Rose, and others. – This wasn’t the article I was looking for, but it pretty much says what I wanted to say regarding fear of success, etc.

http://sexandheart.com/when-it-all-feels-so-hard

I also want to add the piece from the article I couldn’t find. Yes you want these things you don’t have so very much, yet there could very well be a deep fear of having them because to then lose them would feel incredibly devastating. The fear of this possibility can interfere with attaining any of it at all. Remember though that it is far better to have loved and lost than never loved at all.

xxoo

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 11:54am
743: Belle says:

“Thank you for showing me who not to be with!”

I feel all glowy about this thought, thank you Sassy for reminding me!

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 11:54am
744: Radlove says:

Siren Angel,

694 – If I were talking with a 5 year old, using FMs, and she said it is always about me, I would say, “I talk about my feelings, and I want you to talk about your feelings. How do YOU feel about it?”

Then I would genuinely listen, and tell her how I feel about what she said. How do you feel about that?

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 12:10pm
745: luzydel says:

Sirens have wings and are birth like, while mermaids are more like fish like, they are both seductive and in mythology it was believed they lure men to their death by singing to them or by making them drown.

Mermaids are sensual and shy and lure men with their sensuality while Sirens are seductive with their voices.

I have seen women Sirens, they have beautiful voices and are good with spoken words. they know what to say and how to say it and men feel haunted by that. Mermaid women are more elusive and detached, probably more naive that Siren women. But men get haunted by looking at them.

Note: Im just using mythology to compare personalities between Sirens and mermaids…I got some free time hehe

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 12:10pm
746: Radlove says:

LG,

576 – Thanks for the suggestion to blanch the potatoes before frying. I feel a lil silly, but I don’t know what “blanching” means.

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 12:13pm
747: Radlove says:

Emerson,

572 – That is awesome! Good for you making your vision board! I want to do that soon. I am already gathering pictures from the computer. I want to draw somethings too.

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 12:14pm
748: Radlove says:

Luzydel,

I like that! I’m a mermaid!

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 12:18pm
749: FlowerChild77 says:

Thank you Dominique. Some days I feel like I’m making progress and I feel pretty good. And then other days I feel like it just happened. I still INTENSELY wish the phone would ring and it would be him or that he would just walk in the door. I can’t honestly believe that he is really ‘gone.’ To me, he is still, very much, here with me.

I know myself, though, and I’m getting so very lonely. I never know when the ‘waves’ of sadness are going to come over me, so I’m literally “afraid” to meet new people or go out much. (My small circle of friends do understand, thank goodness.)

I keep remembering things he told me…he said he was like the Canadian geese and that he mated for life, that he would love me forever and my home would always be with him. I have never loved a man the way I loved him…or loved myself the way I did when I was with him.

Today is one of those days. I thought I was OK, but I heard sirens go by (first responders, ambulances, etc.)….and all of a sudden that day came rushing back to me and I started crying buckets. That’s all it takes sometimes.

I guess this is definitely a one-day-at-a-time situation.

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 12:18pm
750: Radlove says:

Dominique,

742 – Thank you! I love your gentle voice in your writings.

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 12:18pm
751: Radlove says:

I am not getting an internet connection today at my house. Now that my cable and internet are off, I have to rely on the free internet that is in the neighborhood, and it is not always reliable.

So I am at the library. I slept peacefully last night after R was so so sweet with me on text. He was not like this at all in 2009. He has become so much softer, and I see him in such a beautiful light this year, compared with 3 years ago.

I feel more hope than ever that he will become my husband. But if he doesn’t, I have a very precious friend who I treasure.

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 12:22pm
752: FlowerChild77 says:

Radlove…I don’t know if this helps at all, but when you want to “fry” anything the oil needs to be at around 350 degrees. If it’s less than that whatever you’re frying is just going to soak up the oil and be all greasy and soft. In the oven, I’d think around 400-425 to make them on a cookie sheet coated with cooking spray.

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 12:26pm
753: Sassy says:

FC,

Be gentle with yourself. You really are doing ok. Allow yourself the good and bad days, they are both serving to heal you.
You know that we all really really love you and are here for you to let it all out.

Much love

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 12:33pm
754: Sassy says:

Belle,

Thank you thank you thank you for giving me a different perspective! I like that very much!

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 12:34pm
755: Sassy says:

Where are Starla and Turquoise? I miss their input and updates. I miss Lizka too.

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 12:36pm
756: Radlove says:

(((FlowerChild)))

749

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 12:37pm
757: Radlove says:

FC,

752 – Thanks!

Sassy,

755 – I’m pretty sure Siren Angel is Lizka!

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 12:38pm
758: Smile says:

I remember Starla saying she only had Internet connection at work.

Where’s Jasmine?

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 12:51pm
759: Smile says:

Smile, enjoy the time for yourself. Don’t feel rushed to date.

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 1:04pm
760: FlowerChild77 says:

Thank you Sassy and Radlove–It’s such a good and comforting feeling to know this is a safe and loving place to come with my fears and feelings.

It helps to read/hear that I seem to be doing all right and that this is all a ‘normal’ part of healing. It is a very draining process. I find that I am so very tired a lot of the time. I literally have to ‘force’ myself to carry on and get things done…but I do.

Whenever I do make enough progress and decide I can move on, I’ll feel very good inside knowing all I have learned here will help me. (All those years ago, I didn’t have any of these skills.)

(((((HUGS))))) to all of you. You help and encourage me more than you know…. <3

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 1:06pm
761: Heart says:

yummy…i have a brownie…im feeling better now….I think I was just trying to run back to the cave..

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 1:13pm
762: Belle says:

(((FlowerChild)))
749
Gentle angel kisses for your precious tender heart
(¯`v´¯)
`*.¸.*´
¸.•´¸.•*¨)¸.•*¨)
(¸.•´ (¸.•´ .•´¸¸.•

Siren Angel
694

If a 5yo is saying these things, I really would question your agenda. Are you using FM’s to be vulnerable and share yourself, or are you using them to manipulate?

This little girl sounds hella smart and probably has a lot to teach you about yourself if you are open to it. Can you refrain from defending yourself and see yourself the way she sees you? If a little one told me “it’s like it’s all about you” I’d say “tell me more about that, what do you mean?” and really really listen.

You may not like what you hear but it could be quite illuminating.

Sassy
754
Yes yes you’re welcome! I feel appreciation for your post, I still feel bubbly and giggly thinking about all of the brokenheartedness I’ve suffered over feeling rejected by messed up men. It just means that flaky men aren’t that into you! Woo-hoo! That’s good news!

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 1:14pm
763: FlowerChild77 says:

Belle….oh, thank you <3 That's so sweet and makes me smile, I love it

Starla is on vacation right now…not sure where anyone else is, though…

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 1:19pm
764: Smile says:

Heart- you’ve just reminded me I have ice cream in the freezer. I feel I need a yummy treat too

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 1:22pm
765: Heart says:

smile…now im feeling 4 ice-cream too.

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 1:27pm
766: Smile says:

Mm ice cream and brownie would taste delicious!

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 1:33pm
767: Dominique says:

Radlove – Siren Angel is not Liza.

xxoo

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 1:43pm
768: Smile says:

Today I have felt unsatisfied. Im not sure what is the cause of this but it’s the feeling I recognise within my body right now.

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 1:51pm
769: CurvySiren10 says:

I miss Lizka, Turqoise and Starla on here too.

Siren Angel and Lizka used to work together but they are not the same person.

Starbright, how are you doing??

Tam, I am thinking about you too.

I have been MIA for several days. Serious drama over here, but it’s settling down so hopefully I’ll be able to contribute more.

Sassy, I agree that the vanishing CDs are doing you a favor. It’s not you. Just let it ebb and flow, so the one who WON’T vanish has space to find you…

Flowerchild, so many hugs to you. I can’t imagine the pain you feel. Just thinking about losing my fiance brings tears to my eyes. I think you are doing amazingly well in spite of it all. You are such a strong, beautiful siren.

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 1:55pm
770: Heart says:

Smile – me too. I feel restless…I want to climb mountains…

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 1:56pm
771: Smile says:

Maybe my subconscious thinks moving back to my parents is a step back? In reality this is me moving forward. I need to move forward. I don’t want to feel stuck. I feel agonistic

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 1:56pm
772: Smile says:

Restlessness is a feeling I’m recognising too

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 1:58pm
773: Sassy says:

Thank you, each and every one of you! The support, the love, even the disagreements are so special to me. I only had two brothers, no sisters, so this “sisterhood” absolutely means more to me than any of you will ever know.
I have been working, babysitting (the most beautiful baby girl
siren in the world

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 2:16pm
774: Tam says:

Hey curvy, thought of you too. Hope your weekend is improving?
I spent this evening with a gf and her hubby and their two year old. The little boy is fixated on me (guess his mum talks about me a lot), he would not sleep until ‘aunty tam’ kissed and hugged him 3 times. We were on the balcony with the babyphone and we could hear him say ‘aunty tam’ like 1 million times. It was so sweet, I really had tears in my eyes.
I felt loved by a little 2 year old mainly necause I know his parents ‘kept me alive’ in his brain. Due to me living abroad I only saw him maybe 5 times in his two years.
So lovely. Melted my heart.

No news from MrP, and that’s ok.

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 2:27pm
775: Sassy says:

Whoops, the rest of my post got cut off!!! I was saying that along with working, babysitting and building a new biz, and with all the normal chores in life, all these CDs that fell off can get on the back of the horse cuz right now it is all about MEEEEEEE!!!!!!

Much love

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 2:51pm
776: Dominique says:

How about looking at the restlessness as fun and exciting. Something new is around the bend.

xxoo

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 3:16pm
777: Mel says:

Flowerchild,

Have you checked kijiji or craigslist for a used treadmill? I am also looking for one, and saw quite a few in my area for quite a good price.

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 3:19pm
778: Tam says:

MrP just sent me a guitar recording he did for me.
‘You’re beautiful’ from James Blunt.
I don’t know what to say.
I shed a little tear.

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 3:19pm
779: Dominique says:

Moli – Giving a good man a chance doesn’t guarantee you will fall in love with him. It can happen, and in your case it didn’t. It’s okay.

xxoo

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 3:19pm
780: Tam says:

I feel moved.

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 3:27pm
781: Heart says:

#778 – Tam – aww so sweet.

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 3:31pm
782: CurvySiren10 says:

Aww Tam. That felt moving to me too. He really doesn’t know how to deal with these feelings he has for you. I think he’s doing the best he can with his level of understanding. (((MrP))) (((Tam))). I just have a “feeling” about this guy. It’s weird and I know it’s mostly about how I connect your story with my own…

Time will tell huh?

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 3:31pm
783: Sassy says:

Wow Tam! I agree with Curvy Siren. It almost feels as if you are both denying your feelings. Fear of intimacy?

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 3:43pm
784: Tam says:

Thank you ladies!! Curvy, I also have a feeling about this man…and I came to the same conclusion: time will tell. I am in no rush.
When we first met, he used to send me a song now and then…he always played ones with significant lyrics. He hasn’t done that in two years.
At the time (two years ago) I did not appreciate them and was waiting for him to open up and tell me about his feelings etc. I got impatient and pushed him away.
This was pre-Rori and I turned into a little hyaena, because I had never met a guy who was so ambivalent.
I made some mistakes, but guess it is time to start with a blank slate and see what happens.

Sassy, may I introduce you to the Queen and King of fear of intimacy?!

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 4:01pm
785: Heart says:

hmm…I wonder if CuddleyGrinch took a girl home yesterday…

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 4:02pm
786: Tam says:

I thanked him and said that it was beautiful and that I felt moved.

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 4:07pm
787: Tam says:

Heart..noooooo!! You’re supposed to make up a good story, if you are making one up at all…..

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 4:08pm
788: Memulo says:

He texted ‘Hello?’ once he returned the child, an hour and a half ago. I replied a few mins back with a question mark. Maybe shouldn’t have replied

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 4:12pm
789: Sassy says:

Oh Tam…you are SO not alone in that fear! I am right there with you. My NV’s scream at me when it comes down to the nitty gritty.
How might we work on this together?

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 4:20pm
790: Memulo says:

No contact since Wed night, a promise to call me on Thurs about weekend plans. Now on Sat night he sends ‘hello?’ I feel played.

He just texted ‘Hi’. What do I say??

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 4:20pm
791: Memulo says:

Tam, love is the most natural feeling:) It’s easy, just listen to your heart

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 4:22pm
792: Memulo says:

I hope I didn’t sound patronizing! Just was trying to to express how I approach this. I have the opposite problem, I feel terrible when they are cold with me, I can’t take no intimacy.

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 4:27pm
793: Daria says:

Memulo

‘I feel…’

Sad?

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 4:29pm
794: Starbright says:

An incredible thing happened last night…I got so excited I could not sleep for several hours!!!

I was browsing an online dating site and came across a guy that I have been friends with through a professional organization and had a huge crush on in the past however he was married. He left that group and I hadn’t been in touch with him in 1 1/2 years.

However, I was just thinking of him recently and in my mind was a guy I felt so incredibly good with and always felt like he was so into me that if he were available would ask me out. We had a short exchange early this morning and he told me he has been separated for three months and is busy selling the family home and going through divorce proceedings. I had written two very short emails followed by a longer one when he revealed his circumstances. I wish I had also kept it really short…I was trying to keep it light and also acknowledge what he had said. However, he didn’t respond. I know he works on saturdays…but now I guess I will need to lean back and see if he responds. I wanted to say that I hoped I hadn’t overwhelmed him…blah, blah, blah…However, I do feel that it is a bit of an unusual situation as I have met his wife a few times and his kids and he had said he wasn’t sure what he felt about the online situation. However, his profile said he was looking for a relationship. I know that there needs to be time to get over a marriage and yet that sometimes the window between relationships can be small so if you miss it that can feel bad. There isn’t necessarily a transition person. Anyhow, my plan is to lean back and hopefully at some point he will contact me again.

It always felt to me like we had a very strong connection. He would occasionally touch my arm, comment on what I was wearing or my hair. He also always beamed at me and I just felt incredibly good and self assured around him. He also congratulated me on my club work and performance and couldn’t have been more supportive. All in all just a fun great connection.

Who knows now that we are both actually available (of course he isn’t completely single just yet.) Anyhow, I felt really, really good about my first two exchanges and don’t feel bad about my third just could have been shorter and perhaps a good feeling message vibe thrown in there…

However, I am choosing to believe that if he is my guy that I could do no wrong and just let him chase me if he chooses. And, for me to feel good regardless. If he doesn’t contact me it doesn’t mean that I’m not worthy or that he doesn’t/didn’t like me. He does have a lot going on and I need to keep myself involved in my passions and if he comes to me great and if not another great guy will. That is my intention!

Whew! So unbelievable though! My girlfriend told me she had never seen me more excited about anything!

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 4:31pm
795: Sunshine says:

sometimes i wonder that if i express my anger or frustration on a man i am being dramatic, selfish and slightly crazy…anyone feel that way? i wonder if i should just test it and do it anyway and see what happens but it feels scary yet daring, and im intrigued…i feel scared sending this post…what if im way out of topic? what if its random and weird? maybe its not i bet many can relate..i feel compelled to ask if anyone relates?

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 4:33pm
796: Daria says:

My profile on my social site that I use for dating has been viewed more than 16,700 !!!

Wow!!!

I’m a celebrity just being myself

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 4:35pm
797: Daria says:

Sunshine – yup… And it can be

Practicing to express it simply without blame

‘I feel angry ‘

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 4:37pm
798: Starbright says:

One other observation about last night was that as painful as the past four weeks has been off and on about UA, last night I was so incredibly excited that it also felt like such an extreme feeling that was also a bit uncomfortable. After all it was late at night and I should have been sleeping, but got so excited that I could not sleep! I would go for the super excited feelings though over the bad pain!!!

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 4:40pm
799: Starbright says:

One other observation about last night was that as painful as the past four weeks has been off and on about UA, last night I was so incredibly excited that it also felt like such an extreme feeling that was also a bit uncomfortable. After all it was late at night and I should have been sleeping, but got so excited that I could not sleep! I would go for the super excited feelings though over the bad pain!!!

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 4:40pm
800: Dark horse says:

Tam! I feel so excited for you. Mr P liiiiiiikes you, he thinks you are beautiful! Soak it up lady!

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 4:41pm
801: Dark horse says:

Emerson. Thanks for liking my story about the shoe. Xo

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 4:41pm
802: Starbright says:

Curvysiren,

Aw, I’m just now reading backwards and see you asked about me. That feels so good! Thank-you.

I got distracted out of my pain by the other guy from my past I found on an online dating site. I will call him BG for Beaming Guy! It helps put UA in perspective that there other potential available guys out there. I feel positive right now.

Starbright

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 4:47pm
803: Starbright says:

Curvysiren,

And, so hope the “serious drama” is no longer there! So sorry to hear that something like that has been going on!

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 4:50pm
804: Heart says:

#787 – Tam is that a Rori Tool?

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 4:55pm
805: Sunshine says:

thanks Daria:) i feel good to read your reassuring response…i feel tired right now but eager to go dancing again hmm not sure which one to pick

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 4:55pm
806: Daria says:

That’s without boobs and butt showing . Or even panties lol.

Well now that I have my belly dance photos since last week there are sone panties lol

Wow Daria

Also I feel insecure and judgemental

(((Daria)))

I want to Feel this as like the amazing cool thing it is
Not judge and shame myself

Hehe I love me

I’ve hugged my lil girl all day

And found so many feelings of helplessness

I’m getting good at this parenting thing

I’m sp healing

I can now be there for my girl they her feelings – like when she doesn’t want to fi stretches late note

And she’s like nooooo
And I’m like oh how you feel and she’s like

Sad and panicky and I’m like I’m here for you while you feel that

And you can have a hug If you want

And then she starts to feel better and feel Excited and she actually

Made sure I Didn’t skip stretching by constantly thinking of it and how fun it is

And now I realized I got outta bed to do a suet h and it’s done and I’m eating an apple!

Wow stealth sneaking up and healing me

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 4:58pm
807: Daria says:

Baby steps so the ‘guardiabs’ do t get triggered

Maybe that’s my clue for the world

Stealth and baby steps do its all healed without realizing,

Instead of making a huge triggering fuss, catching fla k and possible attack

Wow!

I feel so moved and thrilled and in awe

I just discovered another secret of life the answer of how

I’m shaking my head

Wow

I feel that huge ocean moved feeling

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 5:00pm
808: Daria says:

Yelling and screaming and attacking… Doesnt feel good

Saying No feels good

Baby steps and soon it’s healed and it just doesn’t feel good to kidnap and lock people and Blame people anymore

And won’t be need to think its not feel good to have babies

So baby steps is the way and screaming and pushing us a step and that’s why everyone’s looking at me w compassion awwww

((((everyone))))

((((me))))

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 5:20pm
809: Daria says:

Hmmm if people wanted me in their videos I would want to charge money mostly to show off that I am charging

Lol. Thanks Money you got my back

He says I don’t have to do anything for my relationship but focus on my passions

Awww he loves me thanks money

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 5:23pm
810: Radlove says:

Here are the details of my interactions with R last night. When I talked with him Wednesday night during our date, he said he really doesn’t mind when I initiate contact.

I am experimenting with initiating on that basis and because it is a well-established friendship. I WAY leaned forward last night (again), and it felt yucky.

So I am back to letting him initiate, which he just did!

B: In case you’re not aware, there’s a dinner at ____’s tonight.
R: Thanks. I can’t make it though. I already made plans.
B: K
10:45 pm
B: Hi
R: Hey
B: Do you feel like getting together for a little while?
R: I’m not around
B: K
B: How are you?
R: Ok. U?
B: Good, there was a nice slideshow from the 26 year old woman who is a missionary in Bangladesh and Turkey.
R: Nice
B: I really am not a jealous sort of person, but I came about the closest to jealousy I can get…I want so much to be in ministry.
B: If you don’t mind my asking, what are you up to?
R: I’m at the shore
B: Lucky you!
B: Are you having a good time?
R: Yeah
B: Good
B: The verse I’ve been meditating on today is, “He will keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on thee, because he trusteth in thee.”
B: Now I feel awkward
B: I’m going to tell myself that you fell asleep so that my cheeks don’t keep burning with embarrassment.
B: Somehow it feels easier when I hear I can’t talk right now.
25 minutes later
R: I fell asleep. What the heck r u talking about?
B: Ok, well then I told myself an accurate statement, that you fell asleep. Please don’t be angry with me? I know I am not perfect. I admit I feel extra needy today, even tho I don’t mean to put pressure on you. Just feel like a little girl today.
B: It would help all my insecurities go away if I heard everything is ok or something.
7 minutes later
B: What are you thinking?
R: What do you mean?
B: I feel weird with no response.
R: I fell asleep again. Remember I didn’t sleep last night.
B: Yeah. So you’re not made at me, good. I took a serious nap at Cris’s today.
B: I still feel weird tho. Just letting you be sleepy right now. Sweet dreams from your insecure friend.
R: Good night
B: B, everything is okay.
R: What do you mean?
B: I feel a need for reassurance. So I am giving it to myself becdause I don’t hear it and I want to treat you gingerly because you are very tired.
R: What kind of reassurance r u looking 4?
B: Everything is okay. You are not mad at me for showing my neediness and insecurity, which are still in the process of being healed.
R: No
B: No meaning what?
R: I’m not made at u.
B: Thank you, breathe deep sigh of relief, laughing sheepishly while blushing, LOL! :-/
R: Haha
B: Blinks eyes and looks down
B: Tucks R in bed in mind and breathes a quick prayer for him to have peaceful sleep.
R: Thanks
B: ((R))) YW GN TY
R: ?
B: Hug (((You)))
B: GN Good night
R: Thanks

1:20 am, 50 minutes later

R: Want to talk a little bit?
B: Awww, thanks
R: So, what’s up?
B: Just sitting up in bed, drinking diet Dr. Pepper, petting the animals, listening to Delilah on the computer. Life support, all of the above, LOL!
R: What do u mean, life support?
B: Things that help me cope and feel better.
R: What r u coping with?
B: Well, remember I told you I did some soul searching this morning?
R: Yeah, what did you find?
B: I got in touch with my most raw emotions and journaled them this morning.
R: So why r u coping now?
B: I have felt raw all day. I realized most of my life, I have had almost no human touch: childhood, prison long distance relationships. A lot of my neediness is an insatiable human need for touch and holding.
R: Oh
B: I don’t know how to resolve it.
R: Keep trusting God.
B: TMI?
R: Nah
B: I feel very frustrated because this is a reason food is too important to me…it touches me, it fills me, it feels good.
B: But I know it’s self-sabotaging, and doesn’t fill the real need, and I am trying to coach myself how to stop over eating.
B: The symptom won’t stop until I address the cause of the issue.
R: Yeah
B: That time we spent cuddling and pillow talk were some of the best moments of my life. I felt so content and fulfilled and connected.
R: Yeah, that’s all hard.
B: I lost about 35 lbs effortlessly.
R: Yeah
R: Nice
B: I’ll be ok, just that’s where I’m at today. Then alongside feeling extreme pressure to get a job, while almost two months have yielded not even a job interview.
R: Wow
B: So I just keep returning to remind myself that God is working. He provided this past month and will continue to.
R: I pray He will always.
B: Thanks. I was rarely touched or given eye contact in childhood, mostly just given anger, as in hitting.
R: Ouch
B: God designed us to need people.
R: That’s a shame
B: What do you mean?
R: About your family
B: Oh, thanks. I initiated hugging in my adulthood. It took years before my Mom felt at ease about it. Much healing took place in her, in me, and between us. Same with my Dad and me.
R: Cool
B: Well I’m feeling sleepy now and I’m curled up with my kitty. It felt nice to share with you.
R: Ok. Good night
B: Thank you, too. Have fun while you’re there…grow wise looking at the ocean. (That is from something he said in 2009)
R: Yeah
And now it is the next night at 8:38 pm, and he is texting me again!! Happy Radlove!

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 5:54pm
811: Starla says:

Awwww, you ladies MISS me

awwww i feel so loved and important and like i belong to a community

THANK YOU

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 7:18pm
812: LiliBee says:

Starla!!!!! So glad to see you!!!

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 7:19pm
813: Starla says:

here’s the update –

warrior cd came to visit me at my house the night before i left. i felt bonded with him. i made him feel really comfortable in my home and he showed a different side of his personality.

all this time i figured him indifferent toward me, but i am seeing now that he is actually just hella nervous around me.

anyway, we cuddled and made out and it felt nice. i liked having him around and i love how big and strong he is. at the end of the night it took us about an hour to actually say goodbye, which is something I had with CF, so I feel relieved that there are others out there I can have such a sweet experience with.

Then I flew to Austin and visited an old bf type guy. He and his roommate treated me so kindly and like a princess. I feel so loved and special.

And now I am in florida waiting for the morning to come so I can get on my cruise. I feel a little nervous about being with my family for so long, because i crave their approval terribly and they’re very good at finding reasons to withhold it:(. But I am going to use it as an opportunity to just practice being myself and being with triggers.

I’m going to the caribbean! It’s going to be amazing!!

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 7:32pm
814: LiliBee says:

Golf was a blast today!

We had too many drinks my friend and me.
At the end we were having sooo much fun driving the golf cart.
I went by to say hello to a table of men I knew.
They invited me to sit and have a drink.
I had to go around and kiss each one on the cheak and vote who had the best clean shave.
That was so much fun.
I enjoyed the attention.
I had great conversations with alot of people there.

It was a great fun cd’ing oppourtunity and I took full advantage

An old flame of mine cornered me and told me how much he regretted how things ended between us.
I felt sooo sireny.
I had to beat him off with a stick at the end of the evening. lol.

I’m kinda gettin’ where D comes from enjoying the attention so much.
Then when I come home, I think of him and I feel like leaning forward and calling him.
But I won’t…I’m here on the blog instead to help myself lean back.
We’ll get together tomorrow anyway.

I feel so good and confident right now

Maybe now that I know what the fun of golfing is all about, we can enjoy it together.

He must have been p’d that I cancelled out on his tournament.
The macho man that he is, I’m sure he would have loved to have been the one to initiate me to the sport.

Oh well, take care of your woman man…or else she can go off and take care of herself and have her own fun.

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 7:33pm
815: LiliBee says:

813:

Oh Starla! You’re having such a great fun life!

I feel so happy for you

I’ve been following you for a year now…You’ve come so far. I love reading up on your news!

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 7:38pm
816: Starla says:

aw thank you lilibee

actually i had to cut my trip in austin short and pay 500 bucks to change the flight and book a hotel cuz my family freaked out that if there were any delays on my flight, i’d miss the ship

but i don’t even feel bothered by that. cuz my life is so magical.

very little bothers me as of late

i also think that i treat my body so good and healthy and am so “even” that i don’t get all riled up moody anymore

it makes me feel happy to read that you’re happy for me hehe thanks lilibee

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 7:51pm
817: k2012 says:

Rori I hope u see this. Hi ladies. I was reading Rori’s latest newsletter and the articles she had attached to them and suddenly something hit me. In all of the newsletters and articles I have read, there is one common thread and that is ‘Focus on yourself.’ I even read over previous articles and it seems to me that what Rori is saying that if u want things to improve in your relationship, u must focus on yourself and not on the man. I read in the article below (glanced at it), something about forgetting men and they will come after u. I have to read it again. I am recovering from a breakup. By the way, yesterday was a month since he disappeared. Not one word in English folks as I speak. I am going back to work on tuesday so I will be busy, I am awaiting word on a location for a little business and I am seeking a part time job. I can’t wait to start looking a new guy in addition to making plans and research about studying overseas. In all of these activities which focus on myself, I bet u that is when he will reappear. Omg. That is how things go. When u forget about them, they reappear. We will see.

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 7:54pm
818: k2012 says:

Wow. Its raining cats and dogs outside. Thunderstorm. No one to cuddle with. Lol. Where on earth do I start looking for a new guy? I am tired of having to do this over and over and over again. As Rori pointed out in one of her news letters, everytime a woman finds a guy and u think that,’yes, this is it,’ you get disappointment. Sometimes I wonder when will I find the right guy. In regards to long distance relationships, because of this breakup, I am hearing 2 voices in my head. One is saying, ‘don’t get involved in any more long distance relationships. The other voice is saying,’you cannot use the experience of one long distance relationship to prevent u from getting involve witH a new long distance partner who may be promising. All of these things are on my mind.

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 8:45pm
819: Emerson says:

810 Radlove I noticed you share a lot of your processing with r. I recall Dominique saying that we should say how we feel but not share our “process” persay…. Perhaps there is a reason why this is an exception with you and r so if so then disregard this message

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 9:06pm
820: Turquoise says:

Hi Sirens!!!

I’m so happy. It was a rough week with C here. Our oldest can’t find her ipad he bought her, he was frustrated my house isn’t organized enough… said some mean things, ugh. But, Mr. Conversation was really here for me. He listened, offered support and advice on how to deal with him without fighting, and even though I was stressed, we talked it through and I feel really learned a lot about each other. I felt encouraged, supported and cared for. Last night we had my daughters birthday party, with my family, C’s family, a few friends, and Mr. Conversation and his kids. My family really liked him. They are pretty easy going people, but he commented to me how nice my sisters were to them, he felt comfortable… and he stayed, was the last one here. C was irritated when he left, and talking about it tonight Mr. Conversation said, I wasn’t going to leave with him here. I thought we’d hang out after the party and maybe he thought he would be, but I wasn’t having that. Made me feel good. He was sweet too, getting me drinks, offering to get me food…. SO different than C who wanted/wants waited on.

I felt very smiley, but my mom did ask me if he was still just a friend, which I said yes to, even though it’s moved beyond that, and she said it was very odd. Most men won’t come around if it’s not more. I reminded her that he just signed his divorce papers, there is possible potential, but he’s not ready for a big relationship.

Today we were together from morning until about 5:30. I didn’t think I’d see him tonight, but an hour later he texted me to see what my plans were. We talked a lot today, and really connected, shared our own perspectives, what we want, etc. He used the word relationship like it’s not a dirty word…lol, it was good. He did tell me he doesn’t know what he’s going to want, that he hasn’t been on his own since he was 18, doesn’t want to jump into another serious relationship. I told him I not only understood, but agreed. I don’t want to be anyone’s rebound… but that my focus has shifted. I always planned so far ahead, and most of it didn’t work out the way I thought it would. I want to live in the moment and enjoy my life. I can tell he feels less pressure, and told me he really appreciates me wanting to understand him. He came over tonight and we watched a football game, had some drinks and he gave me an amazing shoulder massage and played with my hair. When he left we had a really nice kiss and I asked what he meant when he’d said earlier today that there is a whole lot between just friends and lovers…. where were we. He said he’d draw me a map. and that just friends don’t rub each others shoulders and kiss, and I said, I guess I should stop saying that. And he said yes. I didn’t want him to feel uncomfortable with my family, so I just introduced him by name, or as my friend. So, I’m going to continue living in the moment, practicing, and try to remember to be surprised.

He looked so hot last night and today. Oh yum girls. It’s hard to keep my hands to myself!

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 9:15pm
821: Emerson says:

Thanks dominique for the link

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 9:25pm
822: Tereana says:

Hi Everyone!

I’ve had a really interesting weekend, and I am so, so, so super tired right now. But I just wanted to come on the blog and check in and share some things that have come up for me…

But first, Tam, your post in 356, from the last blog entry, made an impression on me. For some reason, I zeroed in on what you wrote, and it reminded me of some pretty practical dating wisdom I recently read (which isn’t unique to the source, it’s really pretty general). And I totally feel your frustration – you can clearly see how amazing this guy is inside, and you see how he’s really working on his “appearance,” and you want to tell him how much the appearance doesn’t mean anything to you, but you know that you saying that doesn’t mean anything to him. Ok, big long run-on sentence there. I hope you got that.

Anyway, I got what you were feeling, and your description was great. But the wisdom I read recently was “you can’t love a possibility.” And this is what we do so often, right? Guilty as charged. So many times, we see how great a person *could* be, if only they did x, y, or z; or shifted t, y, and q, etc. But even though it feels great to look at that possibility and see it, we can’t really love them, if we don’t love who they are *right now.*

It’s the most blindingly obvious thing in the world, but all the time we are doing the opposite. Because we “love” them so much, and we want the best for them. We really care that they be the best person they can achieve. But if that’s not who they are being right at this moment, then we really don’t love them.

I know I’ve done this a million times (okay, that’s maybe an exaggeration ; ) But it’s a lot.) I love the love the possibility. But that’s really just it – loving the possibility. Possibility is great. But loving a person is about loving what IS. And that’s different from what POSSIBLE.

And I know that this speaks to me, because it’s something that I need to work with, too. But just maybe something to think about when you are pondering how you feel about/with MrP. Are you appreciating and loving exactly who he is right now, or are you really wishing that he could be different? And if you are wishing that he could be different, then maybe you have some options – i.e. checking out some guys who actually *are* different! lol. You can do it, girl. You totally have options. ; )

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 9:42pm
823: Tereana says:

correction: “I love *to* love the possibility.”

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 9:44pm
824: Tereana says:

Okay, maybe I don’t feel so much like sharing all the details of my experience. Suffice it to say that it’s been a really interesting weekend. It’s been powerful, deep, connected, and real, and at times felt very surreal.

But it had a happy, comfortable ending. No big fireworks or finale.

Just me at home, giving myself a manicure, and ready for bed and sleep.

Tomorrow will be a new day; back to work and a new week. And possibly even a new me…I am new every day. I am new every minute, every moment, every hour. All the time, I am a new and unique being. I never get old. I never get dusty. I am always, always new. Shining and glorious and radiant. There is that part of me, that spark, that can never be diminished…

Guten nacht, et bonnes rêves

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 9:52pm
825: Turquoise says:

Awww, feels so good to be missed! Thank you ladies! Life was quite stressful with C here, but Mr. Conversation was awesome. He reminded me that he’s not here often, focus on the good points, and that I choose to fight with him. He also picks up how stressed I feel, like today he immediately comforted me, whispered to me that everything was ok, not to stress (when responding to a text from C who was meeting us at our daughters cheer game, and he was very late. I don’t even realize I do it, that is how habit it is.

If Mr. Conversation isn’t my person, he is still an amazing person for me right now. I feel so happy, week after week after week. Sirens, I haven’t had this in years and years. I know he’s not mine, we aren’t in an exclusive relationship leading towards marriage…. but we are bonding and growing and teaching and learning… and connecting.

This article is perfect too… I liked the reminder for variety, he LOVES and responds in feeling messages when I’m appreciative, but also wants to do more for me than I do for him, and I do focus on what he says, but also expect that some of it will change when he’s healed. But, no expectations. I also told him today when he asked why I’m different, why I treat him differently, he has said he hasn’t figured me out yet, but that I’m different than most women, who see his potential, but not him. I told him that while I love talking with him and spending time together, that he makes me feel good about myself, I do see what everyone else sees in him… I don’t have him up on a pedestal. He’s human, we all have bad days, lazy times, etc. that that isn’t who he is, and I like him in good and bad times, it’s easy to be his friend. That wasn’t word for word, was phrased better, but you get the point.

He also dressed up for me last night and shared that was all for me, (I wanted to show him off since C and his family was here) and I told him how much I appreciated it, how great he looked… oh he’s so cute. And the funny thing is, he often says he’s an average looking guy. I’m so attracted!

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 10:00pm
826: Vi says:

I watched ‘Love and other drugs” and first I felt resistance watching it because I thought love is going to be shown as another addiction but it turned out to be “healing” and the girl was so Rory-like and being open and in the moment and enjoying feeling air on her skin and making conscious choices and listening to herself and to her partner and finally letting him take care of her and so much more good feeling stuff and then – him feeling ready to take care of her and his confession how she felt transformational to him and how he feels good enough with her and I was feeling so moved that I sobbed all the 2nd half of the movie and I noticed sometimes I felt like a full out cry would feel good and felt judgemental of that and suppressed it and I thought the man will get scared of me and now I’m feeling judgemental for thinking that way and it’s okay .. .. he was amused actually and took care I have a dry tissue when another one gets wet … thank you … so maybe the next time I will feel more open and safe and less judgemental of myself to have a cry (or laugh or anything else ))) just the way it feels good to me … baby steps

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 10:09pm
827: Emerson says:

Vi I feel embarrassed to cry in front of people.

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 10:36pm
828: Vi says:

Emerson I was catching up with the blog and you comment popped up in my mail right when i was reding your 107 , the last passage … ! (((((Emerson)))))

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 11:28pm
829: Daria says:

K2012 – ohh I feel worried hearing about long distance

No long distance for me, I feel so glad Rori shared advice about that

sometimes I feel sad and curious as I feel guilty not responding to the long distance men after telling them I’m only open to date men who can see me regularly in real life

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 11:30pm
830: Vi says:

It made me think of my own mom and how she deals with my emotions and feel my shoulders go up and my cheeks tense and my face as if I ate smth. sour. Oh my .. there is so much to heal…

I know why I feel more or less okay to drop a tear or two or even cry if I am not alone. My fam. and especially mom expressed their empathy mostly when I felt ill or there was some kind of misfortune and I cried .. then I could get a toy I craved or smth nice ‘to cheer up”… *cringe*…..

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 11:35pm
831: Daria says:

Radlove – ohh I feel sad reading that

Also panicky and turned off

I would feel soooo angry to be talked to that way – like I’m being sucked of energy and smothered and criticized

I’m not a man tho

I feel curious about this

I feel so uncomfortable when someone pressures me to give them something like reassurance

I mean I feel guilty cuz it just shuts down me and I go angry-cold and treat them cruelly

I wonder what this is about

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 11:36pm
832: Daria says:

Vi – I recently have started being more comfortable crying in front of people… Real heartbreaking sobbing

When I feel like wailing… I do that too but silently yet w the same way as if it was loud

Like a vampire scream for grief

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 11:39pm
833: Vi says:

Most of the time I feel angry and turned off and drained talking to my mom .. and I feel judgemental toward myself for that … and that’s okay … I honor my anger my frustration … I am feeling through my anger so one day I could dig out my compassion… compassion would feel good …

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 11:43pm
834: Tam says:

822…Tereana..I was just reading the blog backwards before hopping off to work, and I found your big comment, I loved it!!
Yes. Loving a possibility.
I think that I used to – but I have learnt to appreciate more ‘what is’ rather than ‘what could be’. And interestingly, that already provoked a change in him a while back.
About the appearance being so important, it is a trigger for me…because, hey, I am European and we all have crooked teeth and real breasts (well, that is changing too). And that’s OK. It is a trigger from a while back when he used to tell me how important ‘appearance’ is for him, and for him to have a beautiful woman who has to have a good body.
It’s mainly my own stuff at play. But I still know for me, I find it amazing when a man works on his inner self – that is what inspires me.

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 11:45pm
835: Tam says:

Thank you Dark Horse and Heart…and btw, I think it is a Rori tool to make up a good story if we are making up one at all…I am so bad at that though.
I usually imagine them dating on a Friday and Saturday evening….and MrP was sitting at home practicing his guitar song for me. Awwwww!!

I feel quite happy getting a song. He has (maybe unconsciously) wound us back to where we started 2 years ago, by contacting me on the dating website a few days ago and sending me a song….it’s pretty funny. I like the ‘clean slate’…..I love a clean slate.
I feel secure that what’s meant to be is meant to be, and I am looking forward to CDing and not getting hung up like 2 years ago…
That would feel great.
The last line of the song is ‘but I have to face the truth, I will never be with you’….a little sad but hey. It sounds like my degree of difficulty has been raised in his eyes a little too… hehehe
Off to work, back later!!
Hope you are all doing well!!
xoxox

Saturday, 25 August 2012 @ 11:53pm
836: Vi says:

Daria thank you.

Actually I feel curious why I felt judgemental of myself and thought that I could scare my man off when in general I feel okay about crying and cry if I feel that way … hmmmm…

Sunday, 26 August 2012 @ 12:01am
837: Emerson says:

My vision board is powerful for helping me hone in on my focus….where the mind goes , the man (woman) follows. I am focusing on positive things. A friend told me yesterday, “dreams do come true”…wow! It hit
me so powerfully.
My eating habits are bad. I eat too much. I feel hungry a lot. I’m really in pretty good shape though…I could lose ten pounds but no biggie … But I am concerned my eating is a problem. I am also stressed out about finding a full time job.

Job market sucks!!!!!!
Wtf

Also I feel thankful for my parents. They are doing the best they can.

Sunday, 26 August 2012 @ 12:03am
838: Emerson says:

I hate typing on my iPhone but I feel thankful that I have an iPhone

Sunday, 26 August 2012 @ 12:10am
839: Vi says:

Aha! Those were “good” feelings I felt watching the movie. I felt moved in a ‘good’ way and I know how non-natural it feels to me to feel and express ‘good’ feeligs… considering I got empathy from my family mostly when I felt not very good …. they were so depressed and it felt so inappropriate to feel better / happier than my mom or dad …. oh ((((((((((my little girl))))))))) you can relax now and express your happines… it’s okay … I am a safe place… sigh..
Yay! It feels good to get to know me …. and feel compassion to myself and heal! and be more myself with myself and other people .. !

Sunday, 26 August 2012 @ 12:18am
840: Tam says:

791 Memulo, not at all patronising, that comment made me feel hopeful thank you

Sunday, 26 August 2012 @ 12:30am
841: Vi says:

awwww … I wouldn’t like my mom know how angry I feel towards her… it would feel hurtful to her .. I feel guilty feeling that … it’s okay… sigh … what does it mean? .. that I care about her … She didn’t want really to hurt me … What kind of mom am I going to be ..? the question feels ouch-y… I don’t want my childen to suffer … tweak: I want to feel and be open with my children … well i am on my way .. I practice .. I notice .. I search … I try .. I am working on myself … I want my children to grow in a happy family with a happy mom and dad … (((((((Vi))))))))

Sunday, 26 August 2012 @ 12:44am
842: Starbright says:

Just wondering if anyone has any feedback on 794?

Still leaning back…knowing that I may not hear back from him – BG…Aw, it’s ok whatever happens, (((Starbright)))

I feel a little like I scared him off and/or wasn’t as sireny as I could have been…however, just feeling my way, step by step.

Working towards taking care of me and my home and my passions and living the life that I love and that I’d be proud to show to my man – whomever he is!

Sunday, 26 August 2012 @ 1:20am
843: Starbright says:

Memulo,
What ended up happening? Did you see him?

Sunday, 26 August 2012 @ 1:21am
844: Smile says:

Tam, check you out special lady, getting a song! I bet you feel over the moon!

I loved your response.

Thank you, I feel moved.

Sunday, 26 August 2012 @ 1:25am
845: Smile says:

Starbright, just keep leaning back.

If he mentions about his divorce, selling house again, don’t go into fix it mode, these are his problems ( I say this because this is what I would try and do naturally)

It feels great to hear from you is a good response if he makes contact again.

Sunday, 26 August 2012 @ 1:30am
846: Smile says:

Dominique, thankyou for reminding me I can flip my feelings.

My restlessness energy feels like I’m just about to start a race. I feel butterflies in my tummy, I’m walking round back and to on the starting line ready to start. My anxiousness feels like anticipation of all the great things about to enter my life



Sunday, 26 August 2012 @ 1:34am
847: Sunshine says:

i feel strange connecting with so many men on the dance floor, flirting, touching, etc….and then thats it good bye on to the next dance partner….it feels good and fun at the moment, but when im on my way home i feel lonely and weird. its such an extreme so many yet none, ok goodnite everyone lol

Sunday, 26 August 2012 @ 1:42am
848: Dancing siren says:

Radlove u have been doing so well and I felt so uncomfortable reading your text interaction with R! I actually couldn’t read all the way through but what jumped out at me is early on you stated that u r not a jealous person and yet for me the whole interaction seemed to be about u trying to find out where he was and what he was doing, and get reassurance. When someone does this to me I feel pressured, intruded on and ultimately I get shut down and resentful. I wonder if it would have been more productive to just share a simple FM eg ‘I feel insecure’

Sunday, 26 August 2012 @ 1:50am
849: Starbright says:

Smile,

Thanks for your response! I found it so awkward because I didn’t want to ignore his impending divorce and yet I didn’t try to fix it (although I’ve been known to do this with men in the past!) and I didn’t want to really say feelings because he didn’t say anything except that he was “pretty good” and then the facts about the length of time and the selling of the family home and the divorce proceedings. And, he also said he was not sure what he felt about online dating…
And, a fun reference to an event we had organized together.

I wrote three or four lines back about each area…Anyhow, I did want to write back but I feel so much like that would only make things worse. He knows I like him at least as a friend. There was one thing I said about sending him and all involved my best thoughts. That almost sounded like I was finished talking with him…Keep it simple silly! And, then let it go. It’s no longer in my hands!

Smile, I like the “it feels great to hear from you” feeling message for the future. It would feel great to hear from him. Ahhhhhh I would like all interactions with men to feel easy breezy please. No mistakes or perfection needed. Just a gentle sharing of my heart.

Sunday, 26 August 2012 @ 1:51am
850: Dancing siren says:

((((((Flowerchild))))))) chin up hippie chick!

Sunday, 26 August 2012 @ 1:54am
851: Starbright says:

Smile,

You sound strong with what is going on with you and Strumming Man. I was thinking back to your question about how to divide things but not control it?

That’s a tough one…what comes to mind is just asking him simply what things he would most want? And, maybe say that you would like it to be as easy as possible. Then you can respond to the items he says, such as…

“That feels fine for you to take the pots and pans, however I really want the dishes and silverware, what do you think?” Or, some such thing, adding Rori’s “What do you think?” could help in feeling like you are expressing yourself but not taking charge of it.

I wish good things for you as you go through this transition! (((Smile)))

Sunday, 26 August 2012 @ 1:59am
852: Starbright says:

Welcome Back, Dancing Siren!

How was Scotland?

Sunday, 26 August 2012 @ 2:01am
853: Dancing siren says:

Starbright thanks! I am still here and having the BEST TIME!!!

Sunday, 26 August 2012 @ 2:07am
854: Smile says:

849- starbright

Can you see your interactions as practise… Feel more relaxed with your responses, knowing responding with feeling messages will feel free and easy with time. The best bit about communicating on line is that you can type it out and check it before you send it ie as Rori says take out all the yous etc and really sink into your feelings before you respond. In hearing about his divorce I might have replied, that would feel tough.

Sunday, 26 August 2012 @ 2:14am
855: Starbright says:

Oh, so happy for you!

Sunday, 26 August 2012 @ 2:15am
856: Smile says:

851- thank you for your support starbright!

I do feel as strong as ox!

I will definitely use the what do you think? Tool. I think that would work perfectly and feel less controlling.

I get the impression from him that he won’t want much anyway, just something a sense from him.

Its me who feels pedantic over ‘sharing’ .

Sunday, 26 August 2012 @ 2:19am
857: Starbright says:

854 – Smile

Good reminders about writing it out and then going back through it and taking out any “you’s” and adding in more feeling messages. Thanks!

I like your simple: “That would feel tough!”

Sunday, 26 August 2012 @ 2:23am
858: Starbright says:

Smile,

856: Aw, thanks! It feels good in both the giving and receiving!

Sunday, 26 August 2012 @ 2:29am
859: Starbright says:

It would have felt good to have more interactions with BG. My little girl wasn’t satisfied with our short interaction. Just wondering if he will be back to talk with me on the dating site…I haven’t wanted to log back in because I didn’t want him to see me online.

I just starting looking at it again almost two weeks ago and hadn’t looked much in weeks and weeks. Not really sure if I’m ready for cding new guys. Still working through UA stuff.

Sunday, 26 August 2012 @ 2:35am
860: Tam says:

Smile, at work…your comment made me smile. Yes, getting a song made me feel sooo special
It is so nice to feel special!

Sunday, 26 August 2012 @ 2:35am
861: Memulo says:

Sirens, I have to share this: he called last night to ask me for dinner and I explained my feelings in FM’s and he apologized, said he was distracted and that he’d call me back in half hour. By the next conversation he figured out a place where we could go for the rest of the weekend and made reservations, rented a car. He came to pick me up shortly after that and brought me to this beautiful place, a little heaven in the forest. I just woke up and we have a whole Sunday to explore it;)

Sunday, 26 August 2012 @ 4:12am
862: Tam says:

Wow, Memulo!!

Sunday, 26 August 2012 @ 5:12am
863: Heart says:

CuddleyGrinch was tagged in a Facebook photo with 2 girls…
I feel really Jealous and angry…
I don’t want to see him anymore…lol!

Sunday, 26 August 2012 @ 5:17am
864: Dark horse says:

Memulo that sounds so romantic! Oh I would so love to go away for a romantic weekend! That would feel so wonderful.

Daria I have your words sticking it out is masculine in my head. I am guilty of organizing vacations, offering to lend him money, paying some of his bills. It’s a wonder he is still around at all in any capacity. It wasn’t like that for the first two years but I think I somehow became like a wife without a ring or living together. I feel bad because I have done so much work on codependency over the years and it seems I still have so far to go ugh.

I can tell where we are right now is in the boat and nobody is rowing! We are just floating. But I do know I’m exhausted and I’m not picking up those oars again.

In other news I do cd every day – I am grateful there are so many opportunities for me to practice with men.

Sunday, 26 August 2012 @ 5:23am
865: Dark horse says:

FW and Tam thanks for the making it up tool. I always make up wort case scenario so anything better than that is a bonus and it prevents me from being disappointed.

But I like making up a good story better!

Sunday, 26 August 2012 @ 5:33am
866: April Rose says:

“But I do know I’m exhausted and I’m not picking up those oars again.”

Like!

Thanks, Dark Horse.

I don’t want to pick up oars either. I’ll find another boat if I have to, with a more willing rower!

Sunday, 26 August 2012 @ 5:48am
867: Heart says:

I feel better but I feel kind of sad…
I’m starting to feel like I’ll never meet the right guy…

Sunday, 26 August 2012 @ 5:53am
868: Heart says:

#842 – Starbright…I feel the same way about Newguy (I’ll give him a better name if he steps forward.
I don’t know what to tell you…Newguy wrote and I was a little closed off in my response…and I haven’t heard back from him.

Starbright…just give it a week I guess and then think about it….

Sunday, 26 August 2012 @ 6:07am
869: Turquoise says:

Memulo, that sounds wonderful! Starla, I hope you have a fantastic vacation and can’t wait to hear all about it! Dancing Siren, I’m so envious you are in Scottland and really wish I had the money for a big trip right now! hope its a blast!

Sunday, 26 August 2012 @ 6:19am
870: Turquoise says:

Radlove, I felt a little cringing reading that. I wish your cycle could change, and I feel that has to start with you. These conversations seem to keep happening and I worry you want too much from him. I’m glad he’s being receptive and not pushing you away.

Sunday, 26 August 2012 @ 6:22am
871: Turquoise says:

Thank you Radlove and FW for support on the last post about C and my meltdown about my kitchen. I did things different this time. Usually I clean like crazy before he comes, to avoid all this stress and fighting with him. I asked the girls for days to clean their rooms, they barely did… So there were consequences with their dad. I had intended to get some things done like clean the pantry on Sunday, but really didn’t feel like it. I ran errands and relaxed. My kitchen looked clean until you opened the pantry and laundry room doors. There were a few dishes in the sink. I told him if he was uncomfortable he could leave. He was such a jerk, actually sending me pictures at work! He did apologize and tried to make up, give me a hug, but it happened every day. By thurs. night he was insisting I come home to clean. And making snide comments about Mr. Conversation. I lOst my cool and yelled, but said and held boundaries.
He was pretty nice to Mr. Conversation, but he didn’t like C at all. He said he’s a smug assh01e.

Sunday, 26 August 2012 @ 6:31am
872: P-lala says:

Ugh Turquoise – Mr. Conversation is right, C sounds like a smug assh01le. It might feel better to have him stay at a hotel next time…it would for me. I feel angry at him for treating you that way.

Radlove – re: your text conversation with R. I have a rule that if a man starts responding to me with one word answers, then I respond in kind. It was as if you were writing a paragraph and he would answer with one word. That feels disconnected and incongruent to me. I wonder how it would feel to communicate in a style that more accurately mirrors his. The conversation, as written, felt bad to me, like I was beign strangled (but I feel trauma in my throat, so that could be why).

(((Turquoise and Radlove)))

Sunday, 26 August 2012 @ 6:40am
873: Turquoise says:

P-lala… he slept at his sisters, who lives about 45 min. away, but spent the days here with the girls. Normally he’d take them up there with him, but with their cheer schedules, they had to be here everyday, so he was driving back and forth, and I work all day…. so really didn’t see him much. We were having a party at the house for our daughter and both sides of the family, but he was really being a jerk. Not like anyone is going to inspect my home or that I’d even have people over and it not look awesome. Just with work and running the kids to practice, making dinner, etc. there are only so many hours in the day. I did tell him that i finally have someone great in my life that I want to spend time with, I’m trying to get my candy business off the ground to provide more for the girls, and that cheer is a huge time commitment, so my priority is not to be a clean freak. Sounds like there is trouble in paradise with his over the top facebook girlfriend. So, his moodiness may have been because of that. It makes me rethink wanting to get married and live with someone though. I want to do what I want, when I want, how I want…. and while I’d make concessions for a loving person, they need to as well.

One of the first things Mr. Conversation said to me was how nice the house looked at the party. He knew C was being a jerk about it, but still….. felt really nice to hear. And my family loves my house!

Sunday, 26 August 2012 @ 7:02am
874: k2012 says:

Daria, what information did Rori share about long distance relationships? I would love to know. Other ladies, if u know, its okay to answer. I have always said to my former boyfriend that long distance relationships are challenging and even said it while we were talking when he came to see me.

Sunday, 26 August 2012 @ 7:05am
875: Starbright says:

868: Heart,

Thank-you! And, hoping that Newguy responds to you too!

Neither Leaning Forward or Back feels entirely good! But, I sure don’t want to contact him first.

When I think about things I want to be in a slightly better place when my guy comes in. And, wanting to be open to who that guy is. Probably won’t be UA, could be BG or someone entirely different.

I need to raise my difficulty and my openness at the same time. Raise my magnetic quality by putting the focus back on me! I’ve read all these things here …now to putting it into place!

Sunday, 26 August 2012 @ 7:12am
876: Starbright says:

Turquoise,

I bet C doesn’t like hearing about or seeing Mr. Conversation. That may have upped his controlling behavior and moodiness.

However, it sounds like you are very happy with knowing Mr. Conversation. Your interactions with him sound so good!

Sunday, 26 August 2012 @ 7:17am
877: Radlove says:

P-lala,

872 – You are right. I was feeling super needy and just was all over him. I will try to remember that about one word answers.

Sunday, 26 August 2012 @ 7:19am
878: Dominique says:

Tam and Heart – 804 – It’s actually one of mine. If you’re going to make it up, might as well make it up good. Also, thinking and living AS IF.

xxoo

Sunday, 26 August 2012 @ 7:22am
879: Radlove says:

Turquoise,

871 – Ewwww! I agree about him acting like a smug a$$hole. Sorry, totally judgmental here, but that is really a major turnoff to me. I feel angry to read how he made such a big issue about the house. At the very least, I would be using “I feel controlled” messages, but that would just scratch the surface.

On a side note about your daughters’ bedrooms, I like my friend’s approach to bedroom cleaning…

She tells her kids 5-7 days in advance you have until Thursday or whatever to clean your room. If it isn’t clean by Thursday, then on Friday, I am going to pick up everything on the floor and putting it in the trash…

And she does!

The first time they didn’t take her seriously…now they do! LOL!

BTW, still may be having internet connection issues…not sure.

Sunday, 26 August 2012 @ 7:25am
880: Turquoise says:

K2012, I am not sure what Rori’s stance is, except that she says if you aren’t seeing each other regularly, it’s not a real relationship.

I’ve done long distance, but my ex husband is in the military, and what I learned is that we got along better at a distance. It is hard to be apart, but it’s hard to really know someone and how they respond to different issues, if you aren’t together.

I’ve always said that I didn’t mind an hour’s distance with someone. But dating someone who literally lives 1.5 miles from me, is awesome! We see each other all the time, just because, it’s easy and feels so much better than waiting all week for a 4 or 5 hour date to try and connect.

Sunday, 26 August 2012 @ 7:26am
881: Turquoise says:

Radlove, we’ve done that before too! Problem is, they just shove everything in the drawers and under the bed. Makes me crazy! I have been lax lately, Mr. Conversation has wanted to spend so much time all together, way more fun than cleaning…lol. School starts tomorrow though, I always do better when we have a schedule.

Sunday, 26 August 2012 @ 7:40am
882: Dark horse says:

Turquoise for some reason I find your c’s criticism of how you keep your house so triggering. Perhaps because my Lionman definitely takes his moods out on me and when things are not going well in other areas of his life it comes back to me which has been so confusing. It is very negative as it sucks all the goodwill and good energy up …. Now I try to walk away when I feel that vibe from him. Cheering him up doesn’t work and it most times has nothing to do with me or anything I am doing.

Radlove be gentle with yourself. Just as you are not responsible for r’s schizophrenia he is not responsible for your childhood. But you can both be there for each other now as good and loyal friends and figure it out as you go along.

Sunday, 26 August 2012 @ 7:58am
883: Dark horse says:

I want to cut sugar out of my diet. It’s going to be so hard as I am totally addicted. But if I gave up smoking I feel hopeful I can do this. Any tips ladies? Chocolate, bags of cheap chocolate is the culprit. And I’m afraid to go to my dentist and I need to go

Sunday, 26 August 2012 @ 8:00am
884: Turquoise says:

Thank you Dark Horse. I appreciate that. The frustrating thing is… I have a really large house, and most of it is always picked up, clean and tidy. He just nitpicked what was “behind closed doors”. My pantry was a mess, but why does he care? Not his pantry. I did get it all cleaned out and it’s much better, it’s just the point that it’s not his place to tell me to do it. I do technically “rent” from him. He bought me the house and pays half the mortgage. Which is WONDERFUL and giving of him, and I appreciate that. But I reminded him that I’m not his wife, he has no right to speak to me this way. He did let up on Friday, but only after our daughter whose birthday party it was, really lashed out at him in frustration because he was even harder on them… and said, “well maybe if you hadn’t left us!” She said he cried. Which made me feel bad. But it’s true, I am a full time, working, single parent. It’s hard to do this all by myself. If we were a 2 parent home, life would be different. Unfortunately, there would be so much fighting, so not worth it!

Hugs sirens, off to take my girls school shopping!

Sunday, 26 August 2012 @ 8:09am
885: Emerson says:

Hi Plala!
Hi dancing siren!

(((Radlove)))
Radlove I know you are doing great …and every day is a learning opportunity. I read your texting with R and I can so relate to your feelings of wanting reassurance. I was always feeling that way with recycled and I would “coax” him to give me MORE…often it worked and I would get what I want, but it was manipulating on my part…
It felt unfulfilling…
Empty….
He was only in my life partway, whereas I was totally devoted and wanting more from him…eventually I would lose my cool and I would get angry at him…(not fair).
He was simply not willing or able to give more to me.

I found it helpful to distract myself a la roris advice to make a cup of tea, water the plants to let the moment of urgency pass and not text those words that seem so needy and manipulative…
Love to xoxo

Sunday, 26 August 2012 @ 8:11am
886: Emerson says:

Radlove Lol I meant to say love to you xoxo

Sunday, 26 August 2012 @ 8:13am
887: Emerson says:

I am scared of feeling trapped in a relationship. Especially a marriage.

Sunday, 26 August 2012 @ 8:25am
888: Emerson says:

Dark horse I’d like to cut out sugar too… I’ve done it for a couple days at a time and I noticed an instant difference especially in my abdomen feeling flatter and not feeling bloated..
But it’s hard.

Sunday, 26 August 2012 @ 8:36am
889: Sunshine says:

Emerson, I feel that way too especially when I observe the relationships around me. Coming from a latin family, its really apparent that in many couples the male is the one who controls the relationship and also who “dictates” many desicions. It even seems like the woman in many cases changes who she is in order to please her husband…likes what he likes thinks like he thinks. I feel resistant and uncomfortable to think of this as a possibility for my future. I feel annoyed and angry I dont like this I hate this. I dont want to marry and be controlled ewwwwww…I know that there are other possibilities in a marriage dynamic but i just go back to this and freak out.

Sunday, 26 August 2012 @ 9:12am
890: Femininewoman says:

Turquoise it is your home. If you are stressed/tired it is your choice to overlook the mess for a few hours. I would just rest in that reassurance so that should this come up again I can tell him thanks for something I already know without getting angry. That way you hold the controls to your buttons not him. I would also look at only inviting him into my home when I feel comfortable having him there. It should not go without saying that he has an open invitation.

Sunday, 26 August 2012 @ 9:20am
891: Emerson says:

Sunshine, 889
That’s very interesting thank you for sharing your perspective about your culture. I do feel there are exceptions, so don’t lose hope.
RecycledCd is Hispanic and I felt that he was not controlling at all in one sense like telling me what to do…but he was in control of the relationship definitely. Like he can do whatever he wants but I can’t complain,

I feel scared of feeling trapped like if my husband is cheating and being a jerk but I’m dependent on him financially so can not leave. Terrible scenario but I’m trying to switch my focus.

Sunday, 26 August 2012 @ 9:22am
892: Smile says:

I feel pretty today, my hair feel clean and flowing, I feel full of smiles, I feel sociable.

I’ve been out to some nice coffee bars and sat in the sun, I could feel myself glowing.

I did feel a little jealous of the attention my friend was receiving from her cd.

Oo I feel curious who the next male I will have contact with will be? Who will hold me next? Who will kiss me next? This feels exciting… Lucky man

Sunday, 26 August 2012 @ 9:23am
893: Emerson says:

I’m also scared of feeling restless and wanting to move but husband may not want to…. Maybe I should stay single…

Sunday, 26 August 2012 @ 9:23am
894: Heart says:

#875 – Starbright – yea I’m going to try something new…find a cool hobby and I’m going to think about where I want to go for winter vacation…

Sunday, 26 August 2012 @ 9:37am
895: Emerson says:

Yay smile that feels good to read.

I want to take my life seriously but not over think things too much…be willing to be surprised.

I want to get to know textCD on real life but not sure if it will happen. I keep thinking maybe I should have responded to his flirty texts with more flirty replies but I mostly stuck to fm like aww that feels good to read or I feel flattered

Sunday, 26 August 2012 @ 9:46am
896: Smile says:

Interesting… I just read from Rori…

‘ If you can go 18 months with a man with NO discussion of your future, you are afraid of intimacy’

I never realised I was afraid of intimacy… I went two years without this conversation! but then with strummingman we had an ‘instant’ relationship…we talked about the future before we knew each other.

I feel interested to understand this more.

Sunday, 26 August 2012 @ 9:47am
897: Smile says:

Emerson they felt like good responses to the texts.

Shifting my thought process has really helped today

Sunday, 26 August 2012 @ 9:49am
898: Tam says:

Dark horse I am petrified of the dentist and have not been for many years. I need to go because at least two of my teeth need work. For me it is hell, in the UK they gave me Valium because I was panicking. Even the anaesthetic stuff didn’t work properly, I could still feel pain (after 3-4 injections). I always thought I was a freak and then realised it’s just one of my fears and read about it…. Lo and behold, I found out that when the body goes into stress mode, it suppresses the sedative and also sometimes the local anaesthetic.
And apparently extreme fear (mine is beyone the usual fear), is congruent with being a victim of abuse in childhood. I also had a cruel dentist as a child, he just drilled without numbing, and I remember jumping off the chair when he hit the nerve if the tooth – at 10 or so.
I read about all this when I realised about my intimacy issues. I try so hard to overcome my fears and I am intent on no longer being emotionally unavailable….and now it’s time to deal with the dentist fear.
I am petrified, but I will go.
Just another step to healing….my soul and my body.

Sunday, 26 August 2012 @ 10:05am
899: Heart says:

#892 – Smile – sounds like you had a lovely day…Now I feel excited too…

Sunday, 26 August 2012 @ 10:07am
900: Tam says:

I even shudder when I walk past a dentist sign. I sooo need to tackle this!

Sunday, 26 August 2012 @ 10:07am
901: Tam says:

Smile, I also just read that from Rori, and I also never has that conversation with MrP, in 2 years, except when he brought it up once just a few months ago by wanting a ‘quasi-relationship’. Instead of telling him what I want, I just joked around it. I was never
authentic. If we ever get to that point again, I will be authentic and not attached to an outcome.
I already told him what I want for my future, with ‘a’ man, so he does know that I am not going to play around anymore….and respected my boundaries….the rest is up to him and not me.
There are plenty of genuine men in my life and it’s a case of sticking to my guns.

Sunday, 26 August 2012 @ 10:14am
902: Tam says:

Sorry for the ‘phone’ typos

Sunday, 26 August 2012 @ 10:15am
903: Tam says:

Smile, you talked about the future before you knew each other? Hm, interesting!

Sunday, 26 August 2012 @ 10:17am
904: Smile says:

Heart 899 yey!

Sunday, 26 August 2012 @ 10:19am
905: Smile says:

Hi tam, yeh, I feel silly for saying this but strumming man and I moved intogether in the first 3 months lol, we knew each other in the past as teenagers.

I guess I never talked about the future with ex of two years as I was fresh out of a relationship with ex of 10 years. I wasn’t looking for anyone to marry or be serious with. It was only As time went on I wanted more, then felt frustrated as I couldn’t communicate.

I feel confident now though of what I want, and will be able to communicate this clearly in future relationships.

Oo Im officially looking for a husband lol! This feels exciting!

Sunday, 26 August 2012 @ 10:24am
906: Smile says:

I feel all grown up. I desire a man.

Sunday, 26 August 2012 @ 10:25am
907: Tam says:

Yay, Smile!! I am also officially looking for a potential husband! Why indeed not!! Ha!!

Sunday, 26 August 2012 @ 10:39am
908: Emerson says:

898 (((tam)))
I’m so sorry to read about your dentist as a child!!! In the united states we have sedation dentistry, you’re asleep the whole time with an IV. not sure if they have it in the UK…

Sunday, 26 August 2012 @ 10:41am
909: Emerson says:

897 thanks smile
I also told him I feel open to be his friend so maybe he thinks I’m not interested… I think I could have worded it better I don’t know why I said friend when I actually do feel attracted….

Sunday, 26 August 2012 @ 10:44am
910: Emerson says:

Now I feel the urge to “fix” it and tell him I do think he is attractive and I’m interested/curious but how do I do that without totally leaning forward???
Dominique, Daria sirens et al feel free to chime in…

Sunday, 26 August 2012 @ 10:46am
911: Smile says:

Emerson, maybe next time the opportunity arises you can use a feeling message to share these feelings with him. Don’t worry bout using the word friend in the past. Just be in the present with interactions.

Next time he flirts maybe you could say you feel attracted to him…?

Sunday, 26 August 2012 @ 10:52am
912: Tam says:

Thank you Emerson!!! I am going to try and overcome this fear….I’m in Germany right now and they are generally not very sympathetic ( hence no numbing for me as a kid). I felt very looked after in the UK because my lady dentist was very caring.
But here…hmmmm…I will report back when it’s done

Sunday, 26 August 2012 @ 11:21am
913: Smile says:

Oooo I feel excited!!!

Bring it on!!

‘If you think you feel so much chemistry for the men who leave you hanging, just imagine what you can experience with a man who truly cares for you, cherishes you, and does what a man is supposed to do when he’s into you!’

Sunday, 26 August 2012 @ 11:21am
914: Smile says:

Even the thought makes me feel tingly

Sunday, 26 August 2012 @ 11:22am
915: Tam says:

Emerson, also the thing about being ‘his friend’ – most likely to have gone in one ear and out the other. Men don’t analyse as much as we do, he’s probably forgotten you said that already.
And if he’s interested in you, he will just carry on regardless – in my experience….unless you made it clear that you really are not interested – I don’t see that you did.

Sunday, 26 August 2012 @ 11:24am
916: Tam says:

Smile, I love your vibe today. Addictive!

Sunday, 26 August 2012 @ 11:26am
917: Emerson says:

Thank you smile for your reply I will express that next time.

Wow Tam sorry to hear that.. We are so lucky in the USA to have amazing and kind dentists. I hope it all goes well. Do you have something like yelp.com to at least try and find a nice dentist?

I’ve noticed that countries with socialized healthcare have lower quality dentistry. most of my relatives in Europe have expressed dissatisfaction.

Sunday, 26 August 2012 @ 11:26am
918: Emerson says:

Thanks tam! I will keep that in mind.

Sunday, 26 August 2012 @ 11:37am
919: Smile says:

And if I thought I couldn’t feel more on top of the world… I turn on the tv whilst I eat my tea, to find disneys beauty and the beast on. Loved singing tale as old as time. Good job my neighbours are away but it made me feel estatic! He he love the child in me

Sunday, 26 August 2012 @ 11:37am
920: Smile says:

I’ve been invited out for a drink with my friends… I wonder if the man of my dreams is out too…

Sunday, 26 August 2012 @ 11:43am
921: April Rose says:

I feel scared.

I want to run away. Where these men won’t follow.

WM is being nice again. Even cooking for us this evening. After that horrible cold shoulder last week which felt awful.

Just saw EM and I feel really bad. He says he’s angry with me for “not wanting to see him”. I feel scared of him.

I feel scared of WM too. He joked last week that he wanted to kill me.

WHY is this ‘murderer’ stuff coming up with BOTH men?

I feel trapped.
I want a new start somewhere with happy healthy men to date.

Sunday, 26 August 2012 @ 11:44am
922: Smile says:

((April Rose))

Sunday, 26 August 2012 @ 11:55am
923: Tam says:

921..April Rose, run..it’s not you. It’s them. Brrrrrr. Does not feel good reading this!

Sunday, 26 August 2012 @ 11:55am
924: Tam says:

917 – Emerson..thank you. I feel heard and cared for by your comments..

Sunday, 26 August 2012 @ 11:57am
925: April Rose says:

Thank you Smile, thank you Tam,

I need a plan!

I still feel curious as to what this means about me. There’s something to see/heal.
I don’t want to repeat the pattern later on.

Sunday, 26 August 2012 @ 11:59am
926: Emerson says:

I feel unsettled and out of place. I’ve been living with friends and I really miss having my own place!!!!
I feel stifled and frozen. I’m staying in a guest room so I don’t have all my things. I feel weird.

Sunday, 26 August 2012 @ 12:02pm
927: FlowerChild77 says:

Wow…I can definitely relate to fear of the dentist. My mother was ‘not right’ and when I was a child she was constantly taking me to the doctor, making me get “tests” I didn’t need and also did this with the dentist. I know it sounds awful, but she had been an RN and I think she secretly got some kind of satisfaction from all HER interaction with the (of course, back then, all male) doctors. Sick—I know

Anyway…I remember being held down in the dentist chair, crying for help and no one listened. I was terrified of going each time. I found out as an adult that most of my “fillings” and other dental work were totally unnecessary and that the dentist that did the work made a bundle, either from my parents or from their insurance company.

As an adult, I had to have a tooth pulled (my fault for not going to the dentist for many years (no insurance) until it was too late for it to be fixed–just kept getting infected and had to come out–I was sick of the blinding headaches and pain from the infections and all the anti-biotics.)

Well—wouldn’t ya know it? The only dentist that would take my insurance was a hack. He didn’t do any x-rays (which are a MUST before removing any teeth behind the eye teeth) and when he took the tooth out it was a three hour ordeal. When I got home I knew something was wrong–I was drinking chocolate milk cuz I couldn’t eat for a few days–and it was coming out my nose! He had punctured the maxillary sinus on that side (hence the need for the x-rays.)

So, yeah…I’m petrified about going to the dentist, as well. If I could afford it I’d go for the sedation dentistry…

Ok. I’m done. Very negative, I know. I thought I was the only one who had abusive experiences at the dentist.

Sunday, 26 August 2012 @ 12:18pm
928: FlowerChild77 says:

Sorry for that icky recollection…I don’t want to bring a bad vibe to the blog…. :-p

Sunday, 26 August 2012 @ 12:25pm
929: k2012 says:

I believe long distance relationships are real relationships (don’t remember whose post I am responding to,lol). As we all know, long distance relationships can start in one of two ways- 1. Start out long distance or 2. Start out with persons being in close proximity to each other and then becomes long distance maybe because of a new job, migration, going overseas to study and other reasons. Either way, I believe it is real. Sure it has its challenges but which other type of relationship doesn’t have challenges. When its not one thing, its another. I am feeling slightly down today and now I can’t wait to get back to work.

Sunday, 26 August 2012 @ 12:41pm
930: Tam says:

Flowerchild77..ermmm..that has not really inspired me to get my teeth fixed….
but thanks for sharing, I feel horrified at what you have gone through.
Actually, it’s much like my experience in that I was also held down and the dentist said ‘just say ‘aaaah’ when it hurts and I will stop rightaway’….so when it started hurting, I said ‘aaah’….and did he stop?
Oh no, not at all, he said to me ‘don’t worry it’s nearly done’ and just carried on, that’s when I jumped from the pain.
Now I think it’s a form of abuse when you see a child trusts you and you blatantly abuse the trust. If that had been my child, I’d have hit the dentist, honestly. My mother just said: ‘don’t be such a wimp, it’s just a drill and a filling, you will get much worse in your life’. (also nice psychology…NOT).

I am sure a lot of people had much worse experiences, Flowerchild for example, but when these things happen in childhood, it’s kind of ingrained in your brain..I only need to see the word dentist and I really shudder..it’s ridiculous.

Sunday, 26 August 2012 @ 1:08pm
931: Heart says:

Sirens – should I be offended that CuddleyGrinch was tagged in a picture with other women on Facebook?

Is this a red flag?
Should I write him off?
…

Sunday, 26 August 2012 @ 1:09pm
932: Tam says:

k2012..I also believe some long distance relationships are real, I had a part live-in, then turned long distance temporarily relationship and it was very real, we were in touch constantly and always working on ways to get back together ‘full time’..it was a job situation.
It really depends.
I also know men/woman that feel good in long distance relationships with no view of getting together, and I do believe that is a fear of real intimacy and real relationship….there are differences.

Sunday, 26 August 2012 @ 1:11pm
933: Daria says:

Radlove – if someone who I depended on threw my things away when I didn’t do what they wanted, I would feel traumatized, humiliated, scared and heartbroken.

I feel so sad and powerless reading that.

So glad I am conscious and healed enough now to plan to treat my children with respect.

Sunday, 26 August 2012 @ 1:13pm
934: Daria says:

So many challenges out on a trip with my parents and aunt uncle.

I’m feeling heartbroken and do angry sometimes at how I’m spoken to or how my parents speak to each other

I feel powerless to get to a place of expressing myself to where I feel good.

Lots of baby steps

Will act as if

Soooo much being with myself present thru emotions last two days.

Talking to myself parenting myself

I feel excited to see this become automatic

Huge healing is coming my way

I feel tired and sad and happy

Sunday, 26 August 2012 @ 1:25pm
935: Tam says:

931, what is the situation Heart, are you ‘just dating’ or exclusive??
It all depends….
It would make me feel bad too but if you are not a couple as such, it is difficult to say anything..I guess…hmmmm.
Sorry that it makes you feel bad, I can really understand that…

Sunday, 26 August 2012 @ 1:35pm
936: Radlove says:

Daria,

I believe that if I raise children right, it would never called to the point of them not listening to me when I asked them to clean the room. but what do you do when you have a 15 year old who plays video games every waking hour? and when you asked him to do the slightest thing, he called you disrespectful names and refuses to do it?

Sunday, 26 August 2012 @ 1:37pm
937: Daria says:

Yay I’m so totally like I don’t feel open to guys who are asking me for things that don’t feel good. Yay sigh of relief

Sunday, 26 August 2012 @ 1:37pm
938: Daria says:

Rad love I feel so glad to have found – and read Sandra Dodd’s site (can be googled) on respectful parenting,

(also I often post from Scott Noelle)

And how children learn from everything… Some families play games all say together and get much joy and growth from it

If my child talked to me disrespectfully, I would use feeling messages

I feel so overwhelmed sometimes healing the traumas from the coercive parenting I received, even though my room probably got clean I now have to relearn to parent myself as I have been emotionally traumatized and abandoned instead of respected and loved.

I find it difficult – Ot used to until last month – to clean my room because the distespectful parenting voices getting triggered in my head.

Sunday, 26 August 2012 @ 1:42pm
939: Daria says:

Adding – and some children like to play video games all day and that is as valid and worthy as any other humans choices!

Smh in wonder at how much help I’ve found to shift my perspective just by reading a few sites.

My children would have been in danger of being regularly abused – physically and emotionally – by my hitting and controlling and disrespecting them otherwise.

Now that will only happen as a resilt of my inconscioisness – if I fall off momentarily of my respectful mindful path

Rather than a plan

I feel ovetwhemed nu greatfulness

God îs good!

I dont have to damage my children

Sunday, 26 August 2012 @ 1:47pm
940: Radlove says:

Daria,

in the past, my friend will just yellin scream with that was set, and then end up doing all the cleaning herself.

again, if I were the mother, I would raise them to do chores from the time they were little, so they knew they had a response ability in where they live. but if a child is disrespectful and irrespon

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62: bloom-ing says:

63: Heart says:

64: bloom-ing says:

65: MissStix says:

66: Dark horse says:

67: bloom-ing says:

68: Femininewoman says:

69: April Rose says:

70: bloom-ing says:

71: April Rose says:

72: Radlove says:

73: Miss Bells says:

74: Femininewoman says:

75: April Rose says:

76: April Rose says: