Here’s a letter from Joanne, who’s been blindsided by a guy she’d invested a year and a half with…
“I asked the guy I have been dating for 1 1/2 years where he saw things going?
His reply…I don’t think I am ever interested in a serious relationship. What is my next move if he calls or messages me? Joanne”
Your next move is simple – you CANNOT be EXCLUSIVELY involved with a man who isn’t interested in forming a lifelong partnership with you – if that’s what you want with HIM..(not all women want that, even after 1 1/2 years) -
You’re going to have to decide if you want to end it quickly, with no contact, or if you want to do this more slowly – I say try what I’ve written below FIRST (with a short timeline for yourself to start Circular Dating and see what happens) – before you dump him.
So – this is the “No Girlfriend Speech” – your personal version, change the words if you like, but retain the “I Feel, I Don’t want, what do you think?” formula -
“Sweetheart, I’m feeling shaky even bringing this up.
When I asked you where you saw us going, and you said you weren’t interested in a serious relationship – I take that to mean you don’t want to get married to me, or even live together forever.
And I totally get that and truly appreciate your being so honest and straightforward with me.
And what I’m looking for is a real partnership, and so, though I feel great being with you, and may enjoy continuing to date you, I can’t be exclusively involved with any man who doesn’t want what I want.
I’m not looking for a boyfriend, I’m looking to be married or in a lifelong partnership.
I don’t feel ready to stop seeing you at this moment, I’m feeling very upset and shakey and don’t want this to end, and yet I see I need to keep my options open.
What do you think?”
He’ll either get angry and defensive – in which case just stand there and HEAR him without getting defensive yourself.
You can say -
“I don’t know what I’m going to do or how this is going to look, I only know I don’t want to be just a girlfriend. I feel such strong and loving feelings for you…I get and respect your need to stay free and non-committed, and yet that isn’t what I want right now. I feel confused, and all I want right now is to be able to talk with you, and for us to be honest with each other and see what happens.”
And NOW – you HAVE to Circular Date (it’s not about dating…)
Read about it here, ask for help from the amazing women here – and get Targeting Mr. Right and Modern Siren to help you through this (make sure you have the ebook first so you have all the basics.
Talking straight to a man is a very advanced and feminine way of being, and it takes skill and practice to learn how to do it FAST (just a few days concentrated learning and practicing is all you need to make this work…)