Attachment to a Man, Relationship Anxiety, Hormones and Sex Too Soon

sex and relationshipCindy is my classic client. Seemingly strong, high self-esteem – until something kicks in the “attachment” hormone and downward we go emotionally. I’m going to jump off of her letter to me and see if I can help you if this keeps happening to you:

“Rori, This is all so different… I just got your ebook and started working in it. You are so open and honest and I really relate. I am 55 years old, men are attracted to me and I have no trouble meeting and initially spending time with them. Once it goes into more than casual dating (kisses, calls, regular dates) I seem to change from “easy to be with” Cindy to “I have to keep him and he may see the real me and leave for someone better” Cindy.

I have always tried to be what “he” wants and to make him into what I want. This has not worked and I have been single for over 20 years since my divorce. I recently met a wonderful man and it was going well for 7 weeks. We slept together last Thursday and I then felt insecure and when he told a woman at the marina that I was “not his wife, I was his friend”, I told him I thought we had more than that I wouldn’t have slept with him if i thought we were only friends….. etc. and he has not called me since. I am not calling or texting him even though I really want to.

I believe if he really wants me he will call and work through this. I need to learn new ways to think about the relationship, myself and him. I keep doing the same old things and they don’t work. I had a therapist tell me a few years ago “what you’re doing isn’t working”. He was right, but he really had no new way for me to do it. I really need and want help to change my destructive (self and relationship) patterns.

I go into the relationship thinking it will be the best ever, then it is good for a while, then I get insecure and needy and the man goes away. I want to be married, yet I begin to think it’s impossible for me. What should be my first step? Thank you for the emails and the work you put into this. I am excited about learning a new way to do my life. Cindy”

My answer:

The simple answer here is around sex.

Don’t have it if you can’t handle it.

Don’t have it until you know EXACTLY where a man stands in the “relationship,” what sex means to him – and HE knows where YOU stand and what sex means to you.

If you’re not absolutely certain you’re both in the same place, you’ve weighed the risks and you’re willing to take those risks and trust yourself to deal with whatever happens in a way that HELPS you, not hurts you…then go for it.

If not – wait.  Just keep talking.  Talk. And….most important:

Circular Date.  Do NOT become exclusive.

I love a strong position about not having sex too early – and just not being interested in it unless it’s part of the marriage deal.

But that’s not for everyone.  Wouldn’t be for me, might not for you.

But I sure wouldn’t want to handle sex the way I USED to, either.

I’d like it to be about MY pleasure, and have absolutely nothing to do with what’s going on with him.

And yet – that reduces it all to “sport f*cking” – which is totally no fun at all and never feels good the following week (most of the time not even the following hour).

And yet – sometimes, to go with the flow and allow things to move forward – you’ve gotta take a chance. (Some would say no… but let’s go with a different scenario here…)

How is it (and IS it) possible to have sex and not become attached to a man?

Is it possible, if you like him enough to sleep with him, to not have your hormones and homing instincts kick in?

Because it worked for me with my husband – I have to say “yes.”  I couldn’t, in all honesty, say anything else.

It worked for my friend Virginia Feingold Clark, even though it took a few years for her to figure it out and then, once she did, quickly and easily get married to her husband (she’s got a great book coming out about all this soon, I’ll let you know…) – even though it didn’t work for her BEFORE she met her husband.

So – here’s the deal – when you meet the man who wants to marry you – it doesn’t matter what you do around sex.

And when you meet all other men who will never marry you – it doesn’t matter what you do around sex, because that relationship will never work, and so you’re very, very likely to become attached and hormonal and go downhill emotionally.

So – wouldn’t it be nice if we could just identify our future husband – and then we wouldn’t have to worry about it at all?  We could do what we like and it would all work out!

And so – here’s the key question:  Can we identify our future husband?  Can we know if a man intends to marry us?  Or are we just always guessing or going on our most often faulty instincts and “intuition”?

Trying to figure it out beforehand is never really possible – though you may feel strongly about what’s going to happen.

What we have to do is trust ourselves that whatever happens we’ll be okay. Not only okay, but happy with the experiences we chose to have and the way we feel about them. Life includes some risk – or our desire for safety will run us until we live in a small little box.

Be prepared to make mistakes (if there even IS such a thing). It’s part of the ride of life…

Love, Rori

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759 Comments to “Attachment to a Man, Relationship Anxiety, Hormones and Sex Too Soon”

  1. 1: KristineNo Gravatar says:

    Don’t cry because its over, smile because it happened!

    Sex is part of life as an adult, so enjoy it to the max! Its all about MY pleasure. As soon as I started to think this way, my body felt more relaxed and I became much more choosey about the men I got involved with… and also began attracting good men, who don’t poof the next day, like bees to honey! ; ) In fact, I love to kick them out after a great night so I can get a good night’s sleep. Feels so good to be a feeling, sensual woman. Ride the wave!


    Sunday, 12 September 2010 @ 12:46pm

  2. 2: KristineNo Gravatar says:

    Also, what has worked for me is to ask myself if I do this for MY pleasure and never see the guy again, would I still do it? If I do it in the spirit of true love, it really doesn’t matter. Yes I may feel sad and lonely if I never see him again, but if its meant to be, or not to be, so be it. I can still enjoy the moment for what it is. And its not “using” a man (although I know a few who would like that) since I’ll be there for the right one when he is ready to make the commitment. I’m not turning him away. But I’m not chasing either. Its hard work to learn detachment, especially with hormones kicking in. But its good training for the body. No pain, no gain. Not everything in life is going to be easy. If we want to avoid pain at all costs, sure, don’t do it till you are married. But sometimes taking a risk can result in the best time of your life and some wonderful memories to look back on. I never regret any of those times or those men. They have all been gifts to me. Even the ones that hurt me emotionally. I learned so much about myself and how to be a better, stronger, more compassionate person and better at relationships and caring about people. Its up to us to decide how we want to live our individual lives, as long as we are not hurting anyone else, there is no right or wrong.


    Sunday, 12 September 2010 @ 1:00pm

  3. 3: IsaNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Rori,

    Thank you for another amazing blog….I have learned so much from you….I love the comment to NOT have sex if you can’t handle it. I find that I can’t handle casual sex at all. I have had it before, a few times, and uggh how awful the feeling. I also know the misery of getting attached to soon…to MR. WRONG who ignores my needs and wanting to escape and not feeling like I had an option (now I know I do).

    So help me Rori…what do a SIren like myself do? I feel as though I am in the middle and their is no answer…I just want to cry because I hate becoming a gooy ball of insecurity …the last experiment I did when I tried to deepen intimacy through sex, my feelings became raw and I hate feeling like that….I’ve now met a better man..whose emotional…communicative….and is open to a future…but have a few “loose ends to tie up…I am attracted to him but fear being with him and not resolivng the loose ends but I don’t want to monopolize his decisions and life…I feel he should want me enough to resolve the ends without my asking about it ( is that okay) and if I ask that I would be shifting the dynamic that is going swell right now. Precoitous. Aghh okay I will go and riff for a while.

    Sunday, 12 September 2010 @ 1:02pm

  4. 4: KristineNo Gravatar says:

    It becomes a problem when we think about it too much. There is too much information out there around whether or not to have sex, and it confuses women. Women who have been hurt or abused find it very difficult to simply trust and enjoy men and sex. They have lost touch with their femininity. There are some great resources out there to help you recapture the essence of being a woman. You have to heal yourself first to be in a place emotionally where you don’t NEED a man, but just want to enjoy the pleasure of his company and his body. Where your life is otherwise perfect and you can just appreciate whatever he has to offer and add to it. Where you can trust that he is generally a good guy who wants to make you happy. We all make mistakes. But why not just let love into our lives and be happy with what we’ve got. My life is great. I can do anything. I am loved and I am awesome. : )


    Sunday, 12 September 2010 @ 1:23pm

  5. 5: KristineNo Gravatar says:

    Oh and one more thing, to me, sex is never casual. It is an expression of love.

    We have to also respect the differences between men and women. We both feel different things with sex. It will never be the same. And yes, there are men out there who are purely selfish and we should try to weed them out. But the majority (I have faith in men) do want to simply serve women and make them happy. All humans want love. Attracting the right guy becomes easy once we learn to understand men, realize our differences and face our fears. In addition to Rori’s website, I have found the website very helpful too.


    Sunday, 12 September 2010 @ 1:38pm

  6. 6: Katarina PhangNo Gravatar says:

    I love sex and it always works wonderfully for me. It never concerns me when to have sex, when I feel like it and it feels right, I’ll go for it.

    And no, I don’t become attached because of that. It’s true that it creates more attraction and bonding with the guy, which otherwise would have taken much longer, especially if the sex is mind-boggling (and when it is, it usually never stopped at that with me. Two became my long term lovers (my hubby is one of them).

    Sunday, 12 September 2010 @ 2:05pm

  7. 7: Katarina PhangNo Gravatar says:

    Rori said:
    “I’d like it to be about MY pleasure, and have absolutely nothing to do with what’s going on with him.”

    I second this. I always do it because I want the pleasure. I love the pleasure and I expect they guy to attend to my pleasure first and foremost. And when he does, the reward is mind-boggling to him and he’ll be hooked, usually.

    If the sex is bad or so so, I perhaps won’t be interested in seeing him again as a date. That’s how important sex is.

    If the sex is great and he’s a great lover, his attraction level skyrockets in my eyes and I’ll perhaps think of him more often and quite “obsessively” (as what happened with Seattle Guy, actually 😉 ) even when I felt “cool” when I first lay eyes on him.

    That’s why I don’t wait for sex. It serves no purpose for me. Sometimes, the earlier the sex, the better for me. It saves a lot of time. But it’s me, I don’t recommend it for everyone.

    Sunday, 12 September 2010 @ 2:19pm

  8. 8: Katarina PhangNo Gravatar says:

    Seattle Guy is actually just another proof for me that when to have sex doesn’t matter. In fact if we hadn’t done it first night we met, I doubt we would still be talking (well, maybe he still would but I definitely wouldn’t have felt as strong about seeing him again).

    But the passion we shared was so rare and he was immediately hooked. Third day after we met, he made plans to fly me in for a weekend and already refers to me as Mrs. M (his last name). It’s totally out of control and so unexpected.

    In this case, sex works to bond two people much more quickly than otherwise would have. It doesn’t make him think less of me as common wisdom tells us, women. In fact, quite the opposite.

    I’m excited but I feel I have to remind him to slow down a bit as well. This is all just hormone -his and mine- and we won’t know if we have anything until the highs subside a bit. :)

    Sunday, 12 September 2010 @ 2:32pm

  9. 9: JacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    Wow, Rori!!! when you meet the guy who’s gonna marry, whatever you do around sex won’t matter? Totally genius and totally my experience. You are amazing!

    Sunday, 12 September 2010 @ 2:47pm

  10. 10: BarbinOzNo Gravatar says:

    Jacqueline I LOVE this too,

    So – here’s the deal – when you meet the man who wants to marry you – it doesn’t matter what you do around sex.

    LOVE IT 😀

    Sunday, 12 September 2010 @ 3:23pm

  11. 11: Melb(a) LynneNo Gravatar says:

    Great post Rori, love it!!
    Gotta rush to work… it’s 9am in Oz..
    Thanks so much… Lynne :-)

    Sunday, 12 September 2010 @ 4:03pm

  12. 12: Melb(a) LynneNo Gravatar says:

    Well, re the sex thing, interesting cos from the guy point of view… my 2nd husband said… we had sex (well at least had had a couple of dates!!!… but was hard holding back!!!phewww)… he didn’t want to ‘muck anything up’… but having it too soon. ie he knew from the ‘get go’ that i was ‘different’

    Sunday, 12 September 2010 @ 4:07pm

  13. 13: Jason MillerNo Gravatar says:

    I personally believe that most men are driven at first by sex and then, after having sex, are better capable of connecting in an intimate way. Women tend to go about it the opposite direction. That is, women need some intimacy before they feel ready for sex. Now this model is a lot like a combustion engine. It takes a turn of the key to start the engine running, but once it’s running, both the man and the woman are getting their needs met.

    As for attachment happening following sex, that is different for everyone at different times during their lives. I believe both men and women have the capacity for unattached (Circular Dating) and monogamous states. It’s just a question of knowing solidly what your values and needs are at a given point in time. It becomes a question of self-respect. As a man, I would personally never compromise any of my personal values just to get laid. (I guess I’ve finally grown up! :-) As a woman, you should never sacrifice one of your values just because you’re desperately craving intimacy (or sex).

    Sunday, 12 September 2010 @ 6:05pm

  14. 14: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Jason (and Jonathon, if you read this thread) —

    What do you think about what Katarina wrote about the guy becoming more attached to the girl after sex? That has always been my experience, too — the GUY gets hooked. But everything we hear says the opposite — the girl gets attached, the guy doesn’t.

    The classic scenario where a woman sleeps with a guy and he disappears — that’s never happened to me. Instead, they get “addicted” (current guy’s word choice).

    Does sex make a guy feel more attached to a woman or not???

    I feel so confused!!!!

    Here, Jason, you seem to be saying what has been my experience: “I personally believe that most men are driven at first by sex and then, after having sex, are better capable of connecting in an intimate way.”

    Sunday, 12 September 2010 @ 6:48pm

  15. 15: CaroleNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Rory

    I love your advice and your blogs. I am trying circular dating and seems to be working out. But..please tell me..specifically…exactly in words..what do you say to a guy, who is polite and sensitive, that you indeed want to circulate, not be exclusive. I have tried. But then backed off, thinking that he will for sure a)not undertand and b) walk away (maybe rightfully so, since he wants to be exclusive.) Perhaps if I had some examples of quoted material to say it would work better. So far I have said..after dipping my toe in the water..and then back on…I just don’t want to talk about exclusivity right now because its too soon (2 months) but I really like and would like to continue seeing you. How is that so far??

    That is , how do you say to a guy, some advice I have heard from you, albeit, a bit out of context, “Until there is a ring and date” I am not being someone’s girlfried.”

    Help with the phrasing on this please. :)


    Sunday, 12 September 2010 @ 6:52pm

  16. 16: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    I am in love with Steve Azar!!!!

    Sunday, 12 September 2010 @ 7:12pm

  17. 17: Katarina PhangNo Gravatar says:

    Lucy, I don’t think you need to be confused. If something works for you, stick to it. Don’t follow “rules” blindly. That’s the Buddhist in me :).

    We are perhaps 10% of the female population who can enjoy sex for the sake of physical gratification without any agenda and expectations. That’s a goddess quality that is very irresistible to men. Mind you, sex is very important to them.

    Be grateful about it. Would you rather have hang-ups about sex like many women?

    Yes, men do bond after sex, especially if they find you really special in the first place. If they don’t find you that attractive to begin with, they will still have sex but don’t call you again or refuse to have anything serious until they finally disappear.

    Some guys did disappear on me after sex but I’m okay with that, mainly because I didn’t feel that much chemistry with them during it anyway (or perhaps their intention was one night stands anyway) but that was rare. Most got addicted. :)

    It never made me feel bad or cheap or used though even when they did disappear. Nobody can make you feel cheap but yourself.

    Sunday, 12 September 2010 @ 7:38pm

  18. 18: Jason MillerNo Gravatar says:

    14: Lucy

    I do believe that men can get hooked just as women can. Everyone is different in this regard and at different times in our lives. The classic scenario when the guy leaves after having sex once or a few times has to do with the guy not wanting a real relationship. Men who do want a real relationship will tend to get attached more easily. I know I’ve been in both places at different times in my life.

    So I go back to the original concept of screening men to see if they match your values and boundaries first before committing to a relationship, if that’s what you’re looking for. And sex is just one of the aspects of your values and boundaries.

    Men who are strongly wanting a steady relationship need to be careful too. We need to look before we leap and not overcommit when we haven’t had a chance to get to know the woman either.

    Sunday, 12 September 2010 @ 7:38pm

  19. 19: Katarina PhangNo Gravatar says:

    When a guy adores you, i.e. everything about you works for him (your voice, the way you feel to his touch, talk, move, walk, dress, kiss, moan, etc…), great sex with you will make him hooked, contrary to what many “experts” say that men tend to lose interest in you after too-early sex.

    These are his text messages yesterday:

    SG: I don’t think I told you how much I love your voice… So sexy!!!

    Me: Tell me more, darling.

    SG: The tone -the feminine sweetness-, your accent and what you have to say… All works for me, esp. when you are telling me how much you are feeling good and liking me.

    I have had another guy who I dated last year (we had great 2 dates) who unfortunately lives in a different city said the same thing that “everything about me works for him,” but the timing with this one -even when he lives in a different city also- perhaps works better for us for further connection to happen.

    Sunday, 12 September 2010 @ 7:53pm

  20. 20: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Im working with some Wendi Friesen hypnosis video,

    and I just went back to when i was 5 and had chased this boy and he said no and ran from me, while telling me he liked a (feminine) girl in his class.

    well this time when i looked for the positive, i saw a lil girl giggling and her lil butt and she was vulnerable, she was my lil girl self that was sensitive and cute, but i used to cover her with my boy!

    and i got the message that my lil girl IS attractive as vulnerable as she is, while my lil boy did not work , it was because my lil girl is SO soft and vulnerable and she Is the attractive one

    this is a great shift i feel happy and good about

    i fele more lovely soft and lil sweet girl ish about me

    Sunday, 12 September 2010 @ 8:55pm

  21. 21: RagnellNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks for your note about taking risks and making mistakes. I needed it after what I wrote on the comments of your last entry. I felt really idiotic after mssaging an “I love you” to this guy. Now I know it was not only my feelings but also my hormones taking over me. (I was PMSing!) I’m menstruating right now and I feel liberated and much better.

    Sunday, 12 September 2010 @ 9:21pm

  22. 22: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Lucy, RE: #15 – Oh, yeah! Steve Azar is all that! Oncest again, we have the same taste in men! That song is really beautiful, too. I love it when a song honors a woman.

    Sunday, 12 September 2010 @ 9:35pm

  23. 23: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    RE: #18 – That is beautiful healing and growth! I feel so happy for you!

    I want you to know that I do see you as fundamentally soft and sweet and feminine.

    I apologize if I hurt you with my comment recently about anger and bitchiness.

    I really value and appreciate who you are. And, I am still riding the high of the deep growth you led me through last Tuesday! I have been rereading what you wrote to me and meditating on it. Thanks again!

    The Dork

    Sunday, 12 September 2010 @ 9:44pm

  24. 24: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    I did the same with Ryan. It’s hard to NOT speak your feelings when they are so powerful and you are making an effort to unzip your heart.

    I am learning to show compassion to my weak parts.

    Sunday, 12 September 2010 @ 9:46pm

  25. 25: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    Hey sexy lady! How cum you show up every time we have a thread on sexxx? LOL! :-)

    Sunday, 12 September 2010 @ 9:47pm

  26. 26: JacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    @ Katarina….OMG**** – your program is called men made easy….double entendre intended? Was trying to find a contact form for you….wanna be a Friday Interview on my blog? Let me know….

    and Men SHOULD be easy!!! any which way you want ’em.

    Jacqueline @

    Sunday, 12 September 2010 @ 9:53pm

  27. 27: Katarina PhangNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Brenda, I feel so judged…NOT.

    LOL. I can smell it from mile away, obviously.

    But seriously, was the other threads I was on about sex? Partly I guess.

    Ah well, that’s me…what can I say? (shrug) I’m this walking, talking ball of desire…(do I sound enticing like a porn diva yet?).

    Sunday, 12 September 2010 @ 11:28pm

  28. 28: Katarina PhangNo Gravatar says:

    Ha Brenda, I feel so judged…NOT.


    I smell it from miles away, obviously.

    What can I say (shrug)? I’m this walking, talking ball of desire (do I sound as enticing as a porn diva?) 😉

    Sunday, 12 September 2010 @ 11:32pm

  29. 29: Katarina PhangNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Jacqueline, no that’s not mine. I’m just promoting it cause I love it.

    Sure about the interview. How do we proceed?

    Sunday, 12 September 2010 @ 11:34pm

  30. 30: JacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    Hey, Ms. Katarina! Well, Men should be Easy…I mean like not even need instructions. Smile…

    Every Friday I do a Friday interview with someone whose blog is interesting….so…..

    I can send you a list of questions based on your blog if you’ll send me your email – I’m @; or you can pick something you’d just like me to publish/promote….with links, etc.

    So, talk to you soon and thanks!!!


    Sunday, 12 September 2010 @ 11:45pm

  31. 31: Katarina PhangNo Gravatar says:

    Oh Jacq, yes men should be easy. They are for the most part if you understand which button to push. They’re like cats, pretty low maintenance, prolly a bit too low maintenance they are oblivious.

    Will email you soon.

    Sunday, 12 September 2010 @ 11:47pm

  32. 32: Katarina PhangNo Gravatar says:

    Just one more post before I go to bed. Just got off the 90 mins phone conversation with Seattle Guy.

    When a guy adores you, i.e. all about you (your voice, the way you talk, walk, dress, kiss, smell, feel to his touch, move, moan, etc.) works for him, he won’t lose interest in you after “too-early” sex. In fact it will get him hooked to you much more quickly (he confirmed this tonight on the phone).

    Here are his text messages yesterday:

    SG: I don’t think I told u how much I love ur voice… So sexy!!!

    Me: Tell me more, darling.

    SG: The tone -the feminine sweetness-, ur accent and what u have to say… All works for me. Esp when u r telling me how much u r feeling good and liking me.

    Me: Thanks for brighting up my days since the day I met u. I feel grateful and lucky to have found u.

    SG: Thanks for saying so… U have lightened up my life too.

    There is actually another out-of-town guy I had great 2 dates last year who said that he wanted to know me better because “everything about me works for him” but this one is of perhaps better timing that makes further connection possible for both of us.

    Who knows just in less than a week I feel my life is going to turn upside down: whatever outcome I might get from this fling with him or the reconciliation with my hubby. CD will with no doubt add to the drama. Stay tuned! 😀

    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 12:19am

  33. 33: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i just realized in romanian, old school songs,

    girls of our countri we’d call them Mândre

    which means now: proud. f. pl.

    so i just got an aha moment about being feminine or a quality that makes women attractive is being proud

    and i think of men, and when i think of a man proud of himself i feel fear, that he is gonna be too into himself and ignore Me

    and i feel like i want to put him down, or shut down in front of him, and avoid him, like he’s too much he’s too good for me

    i dono if its hte same for men. maybe it doesnt even matter.

    maybe being proud is a feminine quality anyway of appreciation



    i love the idea of being proud

    im loud and im proud

    im proud of myself

    in all areas of my life

    no matter what anyone says – because i immediately felt triggered and saw a scene in my head where someone was yelling loudlly at me and attacking me – was it even real?

    i feel attacked

    im a mandra of me

    our girls are mandre

    thats the best


    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 1:36am

  34. 34: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    best triggers me. everyone can be best. im best at being me. and im o mandra

    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 1:37am

  35. 35: AndreaNo Gravatar says:


    I dated this younger guy for a year… he bounced in and out of my life… he told me he loved me… wanted a relationship…. then wanted something casual. I kept telling him that I am not a casual girl. Finally he made me his “girlfriend” and came out about it so to speak. 3 weeks later we were talking and he told me he didnt want to be obligated.. to be in touch with me every day (something that made me so happy). So I pulled the trigger an told him that again I am not a casual girl and that this was not working for me. He lives in my town and I have ran into him quite a few times. At one point a month ago I found out that he either drug overdosed or tried to commit suicide. I sent him flowers and got a verbal thank you once we were face to face in a gym two weeks later.Now it seems that he totally hates me. Every time we run into each other I make it easy and relaxed. I have wanted something with this guy..butI dont know what to do except give him time and space.

    Any thoughts

    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 5:52am

  36. 36: life_is_too_short_to...No Gravatar says:

    I think Katarina said something about you can only make yourself feel cheap. I agree. What still does trigger me is double standards. I know a man who watches the porn movies of a particular woman, who he finds very, very beautiful, and then goes on to say… why does she do that to herself (cheapen herself that way)? I said, well you watch it and enjoy it, don’t you? So maybe she gets great enjoyment out of what she does. So, it’s OK for you to watch her but not OK for her to do that? So then if I were to engage in good, freaky sex with a man who has a mindset like this, are not the chances good that he will also view me as cheap? Even if I don’t view myself as cheap, why would I want to be with a man who does? Does this make any sense?

    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 7:33am

  37. 37: MercedesNo Gravatar says:

    I don’t have time for anything other than posting this so I can subscribe…

    Much Love,

    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 7:51am

  38. 38: Jason MillerNo Gravatar says:

    28: Katarina Phang

    “Oh Jacq, yes men should be easy. They are for the most part if you understand which button to push. They’re like cats, pretty low maintenance, prolly a bit too low maintenance they are oblivious.”

    I very strongly take issue with your metaphor, Katarina. Men are not robots controlled by a panel of buttons. I sense that you are missing the appreciation for men and masculinity that is required to make a true, loving connection with a man.

    Now that being said, I agree that men should be easy to be with, but I also believe WOMEN should be easy to be with too. That’s not to say that all of us are easy to be with as individuals. But the objective is to get both sexes congruent and clear to the point where connections and relationships are made easily and are inherently win-win for everyone. The goal is more love and less pain. We are all still human beings.

    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 9:06am

  39. 39: janjuneNo Gravatar says:

    i’m so glad you’re here!

    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 9:11am

  40. 40: Jason MillerNo Gravatar says:

    35: janjune

    Thank you.

    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 9:14am

  41. 41: Katarina PhangNo Gravatar says:

    Jason, I didn’t mean it that way…hell NO! : o The same way women are easy if you know which buttons to push (or not to push).

    It’s the “owner” manual thing…about understanding how each other works.

    Au contraire, I understand and appreciate masculinity much better now. Why do you think I do what I do now? How can I do this without strong appreciation and willingness to understand men? How can I teach my clients to connect to men without the knowledge?

    I connect beautifully with most men/dates I have and that’s how some of them are hooked and feel so masculine around me because I let them be men (and feel like men) and lead.

    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 9:15am

  42. 42: janjuneNo Gravatar says:

    i so agree.
    the whole point is coming to a place of feeling safe and appreciated by one another…
    *not* feeling used or put down or less than!

    i love it that you’re here standing up/speaking up for the psyche of the GOOD men we are trying to meet and connect with. lovelovelove you being here sailor heroman jason!

    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 9:15am

  43. 43: DeniseNo Gravatar says:


    I think women may often underestimate how intuitive and ‘smart’ men really are. I’ve done a lot of studying and learning about women, men, relationships–which has caused me to grow and mature as a woman. I am amazed and pleasantly delighted when I’m with a man who says something that I learned that either, 1.) I didn’t know before my studying, or 2.) I thought would be ‘beyond’ a man to know. This has happened with many men many times. (BTW, this is on my ‘must have’ list, a man who is intuitive and enjoys talking about the human experience.)

    Men are just simpler about things, more straightforward–I admire and appreciate that and try to adopt that in my life. Women tend to complicate things, just the way we’re built.

    Having said that, I don’t know a many around that can’t be made happy with sex, food, sports (for the most part) and a pat on the back now and then. :) So in that respect, they are ‘easy’.

    I LOVE win/win…ever since I’ve grown, relationships I have with men do not involve fighting, they involve negotiation to a win/win situation. If we can’t get to win/win, then that is not the right relationship for me. (I even had a date give me a clue in ADVANCE that we wouldn’t get to win/win and he wouldn’t make my ‘must have’ list–he told me there is a six month expiration on him opening the car door for me, OMG!)

    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 9:17am

  44. 44: janjuneNo Gravatar says:

    love you being here too katarina!

    all of these differing points of view are expansive even when we don’t see things through the same lense.

    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 9:18am

  45. 45: Katarina PhangNo Gravatar says:

    I really love it when SG told me that when we were together he felt so masculine and so drawn to my femininity. (He is plenty masculine, alright, very tall and handsome)

    He said something, “the way you are just lying there, arch your body and let me please you (and let him know how good I feel) and have you…I feel like she’s my woman…at least for the moment.”

    He seems to be in touch with this yin yang thing, a superb middle ground that I yearn for after my last 2 relationships (a beta and alpha male). I don’t want to get ahead of myself but I find myself thinking about him all the time these days (it used to be my hubby 24/7). It’s odd that I don’t crave for my hubby as much anymore. If something develops after our weekend together, I know it’s not gonna be easy for me. :(

    Sigh….may the best guy win, as Rori said.

    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 9:31am

  46. 46: Jason MillerNo Gravatar says:

    37: Katarina Phang

    Thank you for clarifying. I appreciate your explanation.

    39: Denise

    “Having said that, I don’t know a many around that can’t be made happy with sex, food, sports (for the most part) and a pat on the back now and then. So in that respect, they are ‘easy’.”

    Ah, now this is probably true. Men are probably more directly in touch with our basic needs than women are. Women are socialized to be overly concerned with other people’s needs in our society to the denial of their own needs. If a woman can be more in touch with her basic needs, she can become easy to be with too and make requests.

    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 9:36am

  47. 47: Katarina PhangNo Gravatar says:

    “the way you are just lying there, arch your body and let me please you …”

    I think the word he used was PLEASURE instead of “please.”

    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 9:39am

  48. 48: janjuneNo Gravatar says:

    hi denise!

    “Having said that, I don’t know a many around that can’t be made happy with sex, food, sports (for the most part) and a pat on the back now and then. So in that respect, they are ‘easy’. ”

    oh girl!!! that sounds like such a putdown!!
    even though i don’t think you meant it that way!
    it’s just the way you see it., which i respect your point of view.

    however, i believe and *feel*/intuit that those are the men who have NOT been invited into a woman’s heart.
    …the men who we have really made the connection with (that want the connection too) are NOT just happy with those things.
    they want US too!!!


    i truly believe they want more than those things.

    oh yeh, i believe they are capable of loving us alot more deeply than we really believe they can!

    i believe opening ourselves to that part of them, acknowledging it, respecting it and wanting it, is part of the magic of “making the heart connection” rori speaks about.
    and i believe, that learning to make it possible for them to express and reveal that deeper part of themselves is an exciting adventure for both parties involved…
    more than sex even
    more than activities
    more than common interests

    i feel excited and happy about knowing/believing men want more connection and a deeper connection with us than i’ve ever been aware of before!

    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 9:42am

  49. 49: janjuneNo Gravatar says:

    well, now i just read jason’s comment and see the other side of it…

    of women relaxing, not being so complicated and just enjoying themselves!

    that sounds good too!!!!

    i think we can do both!

    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 9:44am

  50. 50: Katarina PhangNo Gravatar says:

    life is too short:

    “Even if I don’t view myself as cheap, why would I want to be with a man who does? Does this make any sense?”

    Precisely, that has always been my philosophy. If a guy thinks I’m cheap because he got lucky/privileged to be intimate with me, it’s his problem. I don’t want a guy who is not self-aware like that anyway.

    I want a guy who puts his money where his mouth is.

    I make decisions mainly on what I think and how I feel, not what he or other people think/feel.

    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 9:45am

  51. 51: janjuneNo Gravatar says:

    yes, this is great.

    i want to do BOTH.

    have the capacity and the ability to enjoy making the connection and also have the ability to let the connection rest.

    this is great.

    i love the dynamics on this blog. growth. clarity. balance. seeing the big picture.

    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 9:52am

  52. 52: DeniseNo Gravatar says:


    Haha, I didn’t say that’s ALL they want. 😉 But bottom line, in my opinion, that’s what they need to be happy. If more women just recognized that, as agreed to by Jason BTW, they would get a lot more out of their men.

    Funny, I had a similar conversation with my 14 year old daughter. We were talking about what boys want–sex. She started to say about one of her friends who is a boy (and who likes her) that he’s not like that….I stopped her and said, ‘Oh, boys want MORE than just sex, they want friendship and love and affection. BUT, bottom line, that’s what they want. And that’s fine, that’s the way they are built, there’s nothing wrong with that. However, the situation has to be win/win. You have to get what you want/need so he can get what he wants/needs’.

    I think if you re-read my post, you’ll see that I am complimentary of men as a species in general.

    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 9:59am

  53. 53: Jason MillerNo Gravatar says:

    44: janjune

    To be clear, most men will tell you they are driven by sex because our brains are soaking in testosterone all day. And indeed that is true. But what draws us to women in general is your feminine energy, your vibe, your presence. I’m dating a very feminine woman right now and I can tell you that all I want to do is dive into that energy. I want to merge with it. This is a larger experience than just connecting sexually. And because I’ve made the effort to learn how these dynamics work, I can appreciate it that much more deeply. But even if a man isn’t directly aware of these processes, I argue that he is swayed by them regardless. There is a distinction between just being a horny and actually being drawn to feminine women.

    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 9:59am

  54. 54: DeniseNo Gravatar says:


    Your contributions are invaluable here Jason, always great to get a man’s point of view.

    Agree with you on overfunctioning as Rori would say. I would also say that most women over analyze things, make up excuses and reasons for others and themselves, on and on and on. In many regards, TOO much on feelings (yikes, will probably get lambasted on here for that comment!). When I find myself doing that, I pull myself out and look at the ‘facts’, what are the actions that are happening, what are the results, what is the reality. To me, this is more like how a man reacts to things. It’s helped me to be a DIVA, to be strong, not needy and not weak. (What I have had to work on with my personality type is actually to connect MORE with my feelings. To be MORE feminine, and Rori has helped a ton in that area, very appreciative of that.)

    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 10:04am

  55. 55: DeniseNo Gravatar says:


    Oooo, that is really powerful Jason! I couldn’t agree more…that’s why when we have sex doesn’t really matter. It’s the femininity we have that draws them in. I would also say that it’s also our (women’s) ability to make a feel MASCULINE that really gets him hooked in.

    What’s really great is when truly understanding femininity and masculinity, it’s not about playing games, it’s about having fun with the human experience. A man making me feel feminine is so powerful, makes me passionate for myself, him and life. The same goes the other way. Isn’t that the bedrock of a healthy relationship? To make each other feel passionate in all ways?

    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 10:09am

  56. 56: life_is_too_short_to...No Gravatar says:

    .17 Jason Miller

    Great to have your male perspective here!

    J: I do believe that men can get hooked just as women can.

    L: absolutely

    J: Everyone is different in this regard and at different times in our lives.

    L: Yes, it depends on what issues are at play and how these issues ramp up or tone down the codependency factor. ALL relationships by their very nature, are co dependent, and that is not good or bad. It’s about getting out of muddy, destructive patterns which thwart happiness.

    I also believe that the challenges can get deeper and steeper until we finally “get it”.

    J: The classic scenario when the guy leaves after having sex once or a few times has to do with the guy not wanting a real relationship.

    L: I am glad to hear a man say this. It is a very simple statement, but it does show you are a conscious man. Many men do not take the time to examine their motivations and they are downright manipulative and deceptive in telling a woman what he thinks she wants to hear in order to get sex. I think some of them even believe their own lies, and that makes it difficult to engage in honest communication.

    J:Men who do want a real relationship will tend to get attached more easily. I know I’ve been in both places at different times in my life.

    So I go back to the original concept of screening men to see if they match your values and boundaries first before committing to a relationship, if that’s what you’re looking for. And sex is just one of the aspects of your values and boundaries.

    L: Brilliant and I fully agree. Do your due diligence.

    J: Men who are strongly wanting a steady relationship need to be careful too. We need to look before we leap and not overcommit when we haven’t had a chance to get to know the woman either.

    L: I very much like how you highlight the similarities between men and women as human beings. I am all about both the man and the woman being clear on creating meaningful, loving, mature relationship, where both are invested in serving each other and making not only their worlds a better place, but all those who come into contact with them.

    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 10:11am

  57. 57: DeniseNo Gravatar says:


    So I go back to the original concept of screening men to see if they match your values and boundaries first before committing to a relationship, if that’s what you’re looking for. And sex is just one of the aspects of your values and boundaries.

    Very well said…just because we go out on a date with someone does not mean that person is right for us in regard to a relationship. I also feel that most men are NOT right, and it takes some time (and some luck and positive thinking) to get to that man who has the high potential of being Mr. Right. This is all why CD’ing is such a good strategy.

    I really only know all this because I did date a man where everything was right (immediate and strong physical attraction, strong friendship and trust, similar beliefs and values). I have no idea if we would have made it long term, our life timing was off, but his purpose in my life was to show me how I want to feel in a committed relationship and how I wanted to be treated and what kind of man meshes with me.

    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 10:27am

  58. 58: janjuneNo Gravatar says:

    yes, thanks for explaining that more in depth…
    i see so much now after following rori’s work that what you said about how men feel is so true.
    i just love knowing it too!
    it helps so much hearing a man who feels trustworthy say it from his perspective.

    i feel so much more open to men since understanding of how much they want to connect with us too. not just sexually or intellectually but the (what i consider) *real* connection that takes you deeper into the heart.

    yet as you and denise pointed out there’s a time to give that a rest too… :)

    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 10:31am

  59. 59: Katarina PhangNo Gravatar says:


    “There is a distinction between just being a horny and actually being drawn to feminine women.”

    Yes…yes I second that. That’s exactly how I feel about SG. He loved the sex, obviously…couldn’t get enough of it, in fact, but the masculine-feminine polarity between us is so strong that he can’t resist but being so drawn completely.

    I’ve never been with a guy -in a long time- who had no problem referring me as his “Mrs” and with “if you are my wife” after one night together. That was insane. I know he was just playing but still….

    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 10:43am

  60. 60: janjuneNo Gravatar says:


    thanks for your comments i feel appreciation for your point of view! and love thinking about just kicking back and not being complicated at times— men do seem to set the example for us to follow on that if we’re willing… that’s something i really do love about them and the difference in how they think! love ’em

    i know you wrote the following to jason:
    “What’s really great is when truly understanding femininity and masculinity, it’s not about playing games, it’s about having fun with the human experience. A man making me feel feminine is so powerful, makes me passionate for myself, him and life. The same goes the other way. Isn’t that the bedrock of a healthy relationship? To make each other feel passionate in all ways?”

    but i wanted to share with you that rori’s program is a little different than most—
    her take on it is we as women don’t have or let anyone *make* us feel anything!
    but that we go into the relationship *already* FEELING our femininity (meaning it’s not somethng a man gives us, we already have it—
    and it can’t be taken away–
    by a man coming
    or going
    or anything else he may choose to do!)
    we just *share* this part of ourselves with a man if we choose to be with him!
    by just Being — with no effort at all really —

    well, that’s the way i understand what rori is saying.
    anyway that has been very freeing for me and wanted to share it with you :)

    gotta go for now!

    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 10:51am

  61. 61: DeniseNo Gravatar says:


    You’re very cute! Your excitment is infectious, I could use a little of that right now. :)

    The only other thing I would say is it’s good for women to get very saavy at recognizing as soon as possible on how well that man will work in her life, i.e. the first date. That takes practice and really good listening skills, but it really isn’t that difficult.

    And I’m talking about decent good men, nothing inheritantly ‘wrong’ with the men, just not a match. Sometimes it’s obvious like grammar or physical attributes, sometimes it more tied to beliefs and values like Jason points out.

    What do you all think about that?

    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 10:55am

  62. 62: Jason MillerNo Gravatar says:

    56: janjune

    You are right. Developing your own sense of femininity is not dependent on a man being around. But having a masculine man in your life adds CONTRAST and POLARITY and therefore more attraction and bonding in the context of a relationship. It kinda makes the world go round if you think about it.

    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 11:02am

  63. 63: DeniseNo Gravatar says:


    Yes, agreed, we need to come to a relationship as women as our best selves. However, in my opinion, being a relationship must ADD to our lives, not detract. They should ENHANCE.

    Does a woman not feel more feminine when a man holds open a door for her? That doesn’t take away from her natural feminity and confidence and Divaness (is that a word?!), but enhances her feminity.

    When a man has success with a woman, she’s happy and having sex with him, doesn’t that raise his masculinity? That doesn’t mean he wasn’t feeling masculine before hand, but the interaction raises his masculinity.

    Hopefully that explains more about what I meant! :)

    I’ll share these equations I learned from another coach which really make sense to me and explain a lot about how I feel and what area I might be lacking in:

    masculinity = success w/ women + progress in mission

    femininity = obtaining resources from men (time, attention, affection, humor, labor, money) + purpose greater than self

    When both sides of these equations are being met, that makes us feel more passionate about ourselves, other people and life.

    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 11:05am

  64. 64: tinqueNo Gravatar says:

    Denise – I think it still comes down to a strong chemical attraction, like I was mentioning on the last thread, the scent behind his ears for me as an example.
    In my experience, all the important men had this smell in that spot that just SO turned me on, BUT when we were done, that smell suddenly turned me off.
    Yes there are other factors to consider, but if there isn’t some sort of unexplainable attraction between you both, and it has to be from BOTH, then there really is nothing more to talk about or rationalize about.

    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 11:06am

  65. 65: DeniseNo Gravatar says:


    I agree Jason…

    I would also add that the formulas I gave in my Post #59 apply to ALL facets of life. Many times/sometimes as women, we don’t have a serious or steady relationship that we’re in. But that doesn’t mean we can’t raise our femininity ourselves by being conscious and aware of obtaining resources from everyday men, for example, when a man holds the door for a woman, or when he assists her somehow. It’s a matter of making sure we pay attention to those instances, to help ourselves. Also gives us real life examples to counteract any negative beliefs we may have–I’m not attractive, I don’t deserve a man’s attention, I’ll never have a man’s attention.

    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 11:10am

  66. 66: DeniseNo Gravatar says:


    Totally agree Tinque! There is the first stage of courtship which is physical attraction, that chemistry thing. Although a relationship may progress, if that strong chemistry is not there, the relationship will not be successful–ends up being a roommate situation long term. Chemistry is unexplainable…your comment about smell makes me chuckle! I’m a big smell person, especially men’s cologne. :)

    Three steps of courtship:

    Physical Attraction
    Commitment (beliefs and values)

    It’s like a 3 legged stool, if one of these is missing, the relationship will not be a strong one. I was reading posts where the women were saying they were dating a man that was just terrific, they loved them as a friend (friendship and probably commitment factors were there), but they weren’t physically attracted. They beat themselves up about that, and I can see why! Unfortunately though if that’s not there, that’s not there.

    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 11:16am

  67. 67: LizzieNo Gravatar says:

    Today’s message from Rori, makes mention of the man needs us feminine to experience feeling (that is my edited view) and Jason seems to be on the same track.

    As an interesting note of an experience I had last year, this really makes huge sense to me – like the penny dropped. I had had a few dates with a man who dropped dead playing a sport and was brought back to life because the place had a de-fib. and one of the guys on the team was an EMS. My man was 49 at the time. I met him 6 weeks after the heart attack. Over the course of our dates, he focused with an incredible intensity on his need to feel life. He was constantly demanding to know what I felt. At first I found it odd, and then incredibly difficult and not just because of his intense need, but because I could not answer him – I was so incredibly out of touch with my own feelings that I simply could not meet this need.

    More recently I met Family Guy – another one with a bit of trauma in his life. But I am far more aware of the feeling mode now, my feminine energy and I had had a note from him talking about how exhilarated he felt and how stressed he felt on several different occasions. I would previously never have “heard” this from a romantic partner. I am taking this as a good sign.

    It is now making huge sense to me how important my feminine energy is. I am finding this thread incredibly valuable.

    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 11:22am

  68. 68: Jason MillerNo Gravatar says:

    61: Denise

    You are making the overall point that we all have in us masculine and feminine energy. The key is consciously using which energy at which time to get the results you want.

    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 11:23am

  69. 69: life_is_too_short_to...No Gravatar says:

    61. very nice, Denise!

    I feel SO good when I allow any man, in any day to day scenario, to appreciate me, in the way he looks at me, talks to me, behaves towards me. It simply validates in a very real way what I know to be true. When I receive it graciously and without trying too hard to reciprocate or any thing, and just being with it, it allows him to feel good too.

    The more we practice this, the stronger it gets, until it becomes a habit we never even think about,
    and even under challenging relationship circumstances, it becomes the default position.

    I have a current situation with a man that is very challenging, but so fantastic in that it is truly testing my ability to be firm in my values and boundaries, my ability to not attach to outcome, my ability not to stuff or dismiss feelings, while at the same time doing the right and compassionate thing for both of us.

    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 11:25am

  70. 70: Turtle GirlNo Gravatar says:

    All this talk of sex is just so great! But I am sadly frustrated right now. Up until toxic man I never had any problems being a sexual diva. He was my one oddball man experience. (Narcissist) I am back to being myself these days and that feels really good. Sex for pleasure and not caring about outcome….and well thats the problem…….

    The guy I am seeing now for about 4 months (He is fun, compatible, kind, says he loves me, drops hints about living together, etc….says he wants to marry again and loves domestic stuff) is lacking in the sex department……He can bring me to the big O to be sure, bluntly put he is a good fu** but a horrible lover. Virtually no foreplay, no intensity, no romance, nothing but get it wet and stick it in. I am becoming bored with him and part of me resents having to “fix or train a man”. I am in my 50’s and he is a bit younger and works just fine. How do you tell a guy he sucks as a lover? He has even said he was always selfish all about the fu** and not any experience in pleasing women. *sigh* I am bored and feel bad this is happening.

    In every other way we get on great. But this is a big deal. I find sadly that a lot of men suck as lovers. I want to be ravished, adored and played with….not just fuched. Ugh…feel angry and frustrated…feel not knowing what to do….do I dump him? Move on to a man who I am cd’ing who I can tell will be a good lover but I have reservations because he is separated (not living with her) but in divorce process. We have dated but no sex yet because I won’t allow it. I fell uncomfortable him being married….don’t want to be the rebound girl……….arrrkkkk…sometimes this stuff just is crazy and weird…..

    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 11:25am

  71. 71: DeniseNo Gravatar says:


    Well yes, but I do believe Rori says to ensure if you’re in a relationship who is going to be what energy predominantly.

    I think the formulas show that men and women are DIFFERENT in regard to what raises our masculinity (men) and femininity (women). For example, getting a man’s to help me with a project around the house raises my femininity. Me simply helping him with the same project isn’t going to raise his masculinity. (The ideal situation there is he helps me by giving me his labor, which raises my passion for him and makes me happy and want to have sex with him, making him successful with women, and then he gets sex, nice circle! :)

    As men and women, we’re equal, but different.

    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 11:29am

  72. 72: life_is_too_short_to...No Gravatar says:

    67. Yes. For example, I have a contractor working for me in my home doing some renovations. Really superior work, too. I wasn’t interacting very much with him, and I noticed that even when he arrived in the morning and I cheerfully bid him good morning, he would immediately start complaining a lot about the heat, the stairs, etc. I wondered why he was doing that.

    Until that one morning when he arrived, and I said, in a sincere and playful way, wink wink kind of way,
    “Good morning, honey” That immediately shifted the energy 180 degrees, broke the ice, and it’s been very pleasant here, more interaction, tension free, natural and amusing between us ever since. He is a gentleman. i do catch him checking me out some times. I do feel he’s a little intimidated by me, but he is relaxing more now.

    I’m not really attracted to him as a potential mate or anything, but, as Rori says, all interactions with men can be seen as therapy!

    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 11:40am

  73. 73: life_is_too_short_to...No Gravatar says:

    66. Turtle Girl,

    Do you think you might consider just telling him what you want? It is exciting to them, and they love it when we are confident and secure enough to tell them what we want, and making this part of the foreplay can contribute and intensify the overall sexual experience for both of you.

    It doesn’t necessarily need to be looked at as fixing and training, but as discovery and exploration.

    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 11:51am

  74. 74: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i think that as Rori teaches attraction can develop by opening up intimacy.

    for me, in a situation similar to girl’s … i wasn’t opening up intimacy because i was not sharing my feelings… of anger, guilt, frustration, turned off ness… in a way that put the man in the masculine role

    i think that my attraction, or lack of, was based on that…

    for example, not wanting sex is (like rori says about men) probably because i was actually angry but not in touch with that… i was on the other side of the coin at guilt…

    since i don’t feel safe communicating anger, he wouldn’t be inspired to either, causing even more disconnect/


    i just got the image of a man who did not turn me on in person… with him it was a smell thing and a way his skin looked, grimy… mmm i dont know about this but i STILL think its about honesty and intimacy

    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 11:51am

  75. 75: Amy F.No Gravatar says:

    I made a huge mistake.

    I knew better than to agree to exclusivity. However PD-man was in hot pursuit, adored me, we were totally connected and madly in love. Yet, a month after I agreed to be exclusive (I don’t really want marriage, but to be connected with lives intertwined) the withdrawl started. I feel so dumb!

    I used feeling messages to communicate “I feel disconnected and don’t want to feel disconnected in an exclusive relationship. I am giving you the space you need and and you cannot have me all to yourself as you decide what to do.” He moved closer at first and now he has withdrawn again.

    I feel like I’ve slammed into a brick wall, my heart is in pieces. Yet, I have totally leaned back, have not chased him and allowed the radio silence. I am CDing: I have a date on Wednesday and one on Friday night (with a totally hot, nice, adorable man), yet I just want to crawl into a hole. I know I would feel worse if I had chased after him, so I’m grateful and proud of myself.

    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 11:54am

  76. 76: JacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    Hi, everyone! @ Jason – yeah, men should BE easy….and if you’ll read girl’s story with all the power struggles and subtext and messages from her man…..that’s what I’m saying shouldn’t be there. You get triggered easily about male energy – just saying. For myself, I was kind of joking, but reading girl’s story makes it very real. And yes we are all complex and have both kinds of energy, etc. But – and this is not something you have direct experience of – as a woman, there is always this subtext, eg. girl’s interactions/conversations with man, post right above about carpenter guy, etc.

    IF we get our way by being feminine or BECAUSE feminine is more palatable to the “male,” that’s just as messed up as men not being easy.

    We start as humans, but our ground of being includes our orientation as male or female. And you make a very big distinction on/in that when you say, dress/appear feminine.

    But if the feminine wants a man who is not playing men mind games, she is dissing on men?

    That’s not what I thought we were saying. And you know, I noticed you use a very sharp and direct voice on here and no one calls you on it – you are allowed to talk BOY because you are one. I talk BOY and get into 100 comment conflicts.

    So, one can take away all distinctions from their speech and yet, the distinctions will still exist.

    That said, hooray to you for sticking with us and being here.

    I would be curious as to what you think of as your feminine voice or side?

    Because I’m totally pissed that you get to be tell it like it is and HEY! don’t do this….and I don’t.

    What do you think?


    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 11:54am

  77. 77: DeniseNo Gravatar says:


    Wow, that’s a great example Life! Awesome observations on your part…

    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 11:55am

  78. 78: Katarina PhangNo Gravatar says:

    Turtle girl, I feel your frustration and I have been in your shoes throughout my marriage (sex only gets better -in fact crazy good- after we broke up, ironically). That made me very unhappy.

    It’s a red flag. You can’t go on feeling resentful, unappreciated and neglected without blowing up one way or another one day. You have to bring it up to him that you feel unfulfilled in sex department. The way he does it makes you feel unappreciated as a woman.

    You want to be ravished, adored, worshipped (SG just lovesssss doing all of this, in fact he said my satisfaction was more important than his) and it’s important for you to feel that way if your relationship is going to have a chance surviving at all.

    Don’t settle, especially not on something as important as sex. Keep dating and looking for that special someone who just knows instinctively what you want and need as a woman. It happened to me when I least expected it and I am savoring every minute of it now. :)

    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 11:57am

  79. 79: JacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    ps…using energy to get what you want? and it just sails right on by. I bet if I said that it’d get challenged. Again, just noticing the distinction of what is allowed in man voice.

    So, you wanna have a feelings script talk?


    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 11:57am

  80. 80: LucyNo Gravatar says:


    “But what draws us to women in general is your feminine energy, your vibe, your presence. I’m dating a very feminine woman right now and I can tell you that all I want to do is dive into that energy. I want to merge with it. This is a larger experience than just connecting sexually.”

    Would you mind describing specifically what makes the woman you are dating “a very feminine woman”?

    “….all I want to do is dive into that energy.”

    I love that. I want to be able to inspire that in the right men.

    Oh, as I write this, I am realizing that I DO inspire that in many many men — but not the one I want. :(

    Why is that?

    Does that mean I am already feminine enough — but for some OTHER reason this guy doesn’t want to “dive into that energy”???

    I want to inspire him the way your woman inspires you.

    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 11:59am

  81. 81: JacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    @ Katarina – hey! You know the more I thought about you and how much admiration I feel for you, what I’d most like to write about is YOU….like how it feels for you to be that “woman of tomorrow,” young sucessful blogging/websiting, etc. How and where did that goal/dream come from and how did you open yourself to limitless options, etc. That would be eye opening and inspiring. My goal is to give all women an opening to always be looking and waiting for that next great thing that’s going to bring them all sorts of happiness….no matter where they are in their bucket list – and if the bucket is empty go give them something to put in it!

    What do you think??

    Happy Monday!

    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 12:03pm

  82. 82: LizzieNo Gravatar says:

    That is so interesting Jacqueline, I am solidly in my masculine side as I am not experiencing the same vibe as you are with Jason’s comments. Maybe because I am in a very strong masculine work side of myself today and just rapidly crossing thing off my deliverables list. I am going to re-read his posts tonight to see if I feel a difference.

    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 12:05pm

  83. 83: JacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    Hey, Lizzie – yep, reread them as I have just done. He speaks in a way that no one would not call me out on on here, and it’s totally uncommented on – no even validated. Not equalized, like if his opinion is MORE valid than say, Katarina’s or Tinque’s.

    I know that’s not the focus of the posts, and I actually love that Jason brings clarity and insight. I do experience a frustration in that I cannot hear where EXACTLY he stands – one minute we are to be feminine to the point of dressing that way! and another we are both male and female.

    So, while I love his voice, I often feel frustrated that I’m not getting to see HIM; as if his comments come from a shifting ground of being? if that makes sense.

    Have a great crossing off day!


    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 12:10pm

  84. 84: DeniseNo Gravatar says:


    Turtle girl, you already know this, but this is not a good sign.

    I think it ends up being a decision on your part whether you want to expend your energy and time on ‘educating’ him, or if you feel it might be better to cut the ties now.

    What I would say, however, is perhaps there are probably other signs of ‘seflishness’ in the relationship (can’t believe he said out loud he was a lousy lover, yikes!). Have you said No to him yet about something? Great test for a man to see how he reacts…you’ll be shocked to see what you can learn.

    One of the other things on my ‘must have’ list is the man must be CURIOUS. Curious about life, curious about what makes me happy and tick, curious about what I think and how I feel about things.

    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 12:11pm

  85. 85: life_is_too_short_to...No Gravatar says:

    .71 Jacqueline
    “IF we get our way by being feminine or BECAUSE feminine is more palatable to the “male,” that’s just as messed up as men not being easy.”

    But isn’t that what Rori’s programs are all about?

    Having the relationship you want by kind of returning to the natural order of things vis a vis how the masculine and feminine energies are implemented most effectively?

    Eventually, mature partners get to negotiate masculine and feminine energies and who plays what in different roles and areas of their relationship.

    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 12:14pm

  86. 86: Katarina PhangNo Gravatar says:

    Jacq, sweetheart, don’t get me too big-headed or I will have a problem to take my dress off for my new beau when we meet again LOL… But thanks, it’s very flattering coming from you.

    That sounds great, I will email you later today or you can email me at

    I’m updating my blog right now, writing this amazing experience I’ve been going through.

    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 12:15pm

  87. 87: LizzieNo Gravatar says:

    play golf with your man – OH WOW! will you ever find out stuff quickly…
    – how controling
    – how much he tells you what to do
    – how much he corrects you
    – how he handles when you make a better shot than he does
    – how he handles his own really bad shot
    – how frustrated he gets
    – how supportive he is
    – how honest he is
    – how gracious he is

    OH do I ever love golf!

    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 12:15pm

  88. 88: Katarina PhangNo Gravatar says:

    And Jacq, I’m actually not that young -at least not as young as my pictures might indicate: it’s the youth potion #9 I take ;). I’m, in fact, perhaps a tad older than you.

    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 12:17pm

  89. 89: JacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    no way, darling K!!! I simply LOOK 20 years younger – and no the pix aren’t from 20 years ago. lol…

    still I get the feeling you are living your dream and it feels good!!!

    talk soon,

    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 12:21pm

  90. 90: JacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    Life…..I simply AM feminine, no matter who hears my voice any differently.. It is my ground of being, I cannot hear/feel this distinction because I am like a fish in water. I AM a woman, I feel like a woman (I break just like a little girl? bob dylan)….

    so I get it as a learning tool but I think masc/fem doesn’t assume a role, it just plays out as in who does what best.


    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 12:23pm

  91. 91: life_is_too_short_to...No Gravatar says:


    You are welcome!

    And YES! to your amazing affirmation!!!!
    I’m going to use it too!

    and smiles

    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 12:26pm

  92. 92: JacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    For example Jonathon wrote me and asked what I thought about his article. Then he thanked me for reaching out to him….but he wrote me? which was very weird for my feminine side…

    but he asked my input – so I told him that woman of yesterday felt kind of like day old bread and no one wants to be that, do they?

    then it kind of devolved into the same kind of impasse I get to with Jason – he asked my opinion, I didn’t feminize it, I just gave it as it was work related…and then the energy felt awful… Kind of like with the carpenter story.

    I will not speak femininely to be heard – I will speak my feelings and I am feminine, and how anyone hears me is kind of through their filters, yes?

    Still, tho, it is good to be able to speak and be heard in a non threatening way – it’s what I’m here to learn. It just feels like a lot of work to change a lifetime of speaking as ME to speaking as GIRL. for me, lol!

    Smiles and off for now….


    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 12:27pm

  93. 93: tinqueNo Gravatar says:

    I’m with Katarina here. I have said this before, and I will keep saying it. Men get the MOST pleasure from pleasing us. I’m talking sex here. The more turned on we become, the more turned on they become.
    They take great enjoyment in ravishing us.

    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 12:28pm

  94. 94: JacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    thanks, life2short!! smiles 2!

    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 12:29pm

  95. 95: tinqueNo Gravatar says:

    Lizzie – How interesting your golfing experience was as compared to mine.
    First there was no score keeping.
    Second, if I was falling behind, I was welcome to pick up my ball and put it closer to everyone else’s.
    Third, if the ball went into the forest, I could go get it, IF I could find it. Otherwise I got a new one.
    That’s the way to play golf.
    Oh and lastly, we laughed A LOT.

    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 12:31pm

  96. 96: Katarina PhangNo Gravatar says:

    Tinque, it’s true men want us to have an earth shattering and go gaga over their manhood, even when some of them are just lazy and won’t do the work (like my hubby when we were married).

    Some/many of them, sadly, just kinda expected we could do this by ourselves without them having to lift a finger -simply just by them being there, almost.

    These men are clueless. I don’t think it’s wise to invest too much emotionally in men like this. They may not be very teachable either (and yes, like we have all the time in the world for crash course in how stimulating a woman).

    From now on, if the sex ain’t good after a few tries…I’m out of here, baby. Life is too short.

    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 12:38pm

  97. 97: Katarina PhangNo Gravatar says:

    I meant to say “earth-shattering orgasm” above.

    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 12:39pm

  98. 98: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    I feel intrigued by what is being said about Jason’s voice.

    I love his voice being masculine, because I respond to it with my feminine energy (since he is a MAN) — I am receptive and open and joyful and non-analytical. It automatically causes me to lean back.

    If a WOMAN is using masculine voice on here, I tend to “hear” her with my OWN masculine energy (since we are both women), and thus go into analytical mode and will critique and evaluate what she says — because that is what she seems to be inviting when, as a woman, she uses masculine energy — which is why Rori says our masculine enrgy works great for work and accomplishing things out in the world.

    So, when I evaluate and critique what a woman says on here in masculine energy, sometimes I will AGREE with what she is saying and find it useful and helpful. Other times, I will DISAGREE and find it unhelpful and possibly even destructive.

    However, when a woman uses feminine voice on here, that dynamic does not come into play.

    So, it’s fine for a woman to use whatever voice she wants to on here — but the fact is, she WILL get different responses to different voices. Some women on here who use masculine voice a lot (many coaches, for example), seem to understand this and are internally prepared for it — AND, more importantly, have learned to effectively communicate genuine compassion and understanding (without being condescending) while still using their boy voice.

    Does that make sense?

    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 12:41pm

  99. 99: Katarina PhangNo Gravatar says:

    “From now on, if the sex ain’t good after a few tries…I’m out of here, baby. Life is too short.”

    And on this premise, I just can’t imagine or approve holding off sex only after marriage. That’s WAY too risky. You will only put yourself in some very precarious position later on. But that’s my opinion.

    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 12:42pm

  100. 100: life_is_too_short_to...No Gravatar says:

    Katarina, I just want to say, thanks so much for sharing here your attitudes about sex. It’s really helping me, because I am such a sexual being, and love to play, but have a bit of residual family of origin guilt/shame
    stuff to overcome.


    Life is too short!

    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 12:43pm

  101. 101: LucyNo Gravatar says:


    Jonathon wrote me and asked the same thing. I don’t understand why that would feel weird for your feminine side….? I gave him my honest feedback — in my own normal voice — and I did not experience any impasse or “awful energy.” It felt good! And fun.

    I feel curious about that.

    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 12:47pm

  102. 102: Katarina PhangNo Gravatar says:

    Life is too short, you’re very welcome. And I understand this guilt/shame thing. It’s very common in all cultures in various degrees, eastern or western.

    Sex has always been associated with shame when it comes to female sexuality. Sad but true. Lucky, I wasn’t brought up that way -or for some reason I developed natural immunity against this puritan culture I grew up in.

    That is the “rare” feminine magnetism that works in drawing men in with me.

    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 12:53pm

  103. 103: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    RE: #85 – “A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle.” ~ Bob Dylan

    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 1:01pm

  104. 104: tinqueNo Gravatar says:

    “I just can’t imagine or approve holding off sex only after marriage.”

    I can imagine it, and it doesn’t feel good at all. Many women here on this blog disagree with this for them, and that’s good, for them.
    It has never felt right for me.
    Sex is a part of the entire package that is ME, HIM, and US as a couple.
    I don’t advocate keeping our feefees so “sacred” that they “shouldn’t” be penetrated until there is a ring or some other form of commitment.
    There are no guarantees. Not in marriage either.
    Yet some women have managed this successfully.

    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 1:03pm

  105. 105: Jason MillerNo Gravatar says:

    71: Jacqueline says:

    Jacqueline, I apologize in advance for parsing your conversation because I know you don’t like that, but you raise many points and questions in one post and I need to address them individually.

    Let me start by stating my opinion that your posts to me come across as a solidly feminine voice. Again, that is my opinion. I do not pretend that what I post here is the absolute truth, and in fact, if anyone disagrees or is triggered by what I say, I’m perfectly fine with it. I can’t be all things to all people. And I always welcome your feedback, Jacqueline, because you trigger me in many ways too. I really do appreciate your perspective.

    “You get triggered easily about male energy – just saying.”

    Yeah, in conversations I may have been triggered around that topic before. Just don’t know what particular thing you’re referring to.

    “IF we get our way by being feminine or BECAUSE feminine is more palatable to the “male,” that’s just as messed up as men not being easy.”

    Agreed. Do not MAKE yourself feminine for anyone. Just LOVE your own femininity and that will SHOW THROUGH! That’s what I mean by expressing feminine energy and in turn attracting men.

    “We start as humans, but our ground of being includes our orientation as male or female. And you make a very big distinction on/in that when you say, dress/appear feminine.”

    Well, in the context of those first few dates, in my personal experience, I have been turned off by women who don’t show femininity in their physical appearance. I know that men in general appreciate the basics of female beauty and that includes makeup, dresses, and heels sometimes. It doesn’t mean you have to force yourself to conform to conventional fashion trends, but it does mean you have to find a way to express your femininity in a demonstrable physical way in the world if you want men’s attention.

    “But if the feminine wants a man who is not playing men mind games, she is dissing on men?

    That’s not what I thought we were saying.”

    It’s not what I’m saying. None of this is mind games. What I preach is that women who are interested in using their natural feminine energy to attract a man need only express that energy in a congruent, positive way. That is what attracts men.

    “And you know, I noticed you use a very sharp and direct voice on here and no one calls you on it – you are allowed to talk BOY because you are one. I talk BOY and get into 100 comment conflicts.

    So, one can take away all distinctions from their speech and yet, the distinctions will still exist.

    Because I’m totally pissed that you get to be tell it like it is and HEY! don’t do this….and I don’t.”

    I do know what you’re getting at and I completely understand how that is frustrating for you. But I’m going to introduce to you a radical idea. If you want to use your masculine voice effectively as a woman, you must be congruent in that voice and in your masculine energy. You must feel as in touch with it as you are with your feminine side. And then you will have the wonderful power to exercise your masculine energy at will as well as your feminine. That is really the ultimate goal for all of us as men and women. We are literally redesigning ourselves in terms of this polarity. We are gaining consciousness around this and getting triggered less.

    “That said, hooray to you for sticking with us and being here.”

    Thank you.”

    Thank you and you’re welcome!

    “I would be curious as to what you think of as your feminine voice or side?”

    Indeed, you are asking the opposite of what I just explained. So for me, the feminine side is that nurturing, caring energy that sometimes comes along with letting someone else take the lead in a situation. It happens for me when I take more of a responsive approach in a situation or interaction. And often when I’m feeling needy, I’ll start to rely more on feminine energy, which for me presents issues in my romantic relationships sometimes.

    Let me know if all that helps or not.

    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 1:03pm

  106. 106: tinqueNo Gravatar says:

    Guilt is a destructive emotion.
    Regret, remorse, okay, for these can be let go of readily. Guilt hangs on like the albatross.

    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 1:04pm

  107. 107: JacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    @ Lucy – yeah but did you tell him something he didn’t want to hear? Because to my comment, he said he wanted to “explain” the story – so it led (in my mind….) to he didn’t want to really get my critique….he wanted to convince me of his point of view. And the communication got mixed up because he approached me, and then said I’d approached him which – due to being on here and def. leaning back – I had a reaction to.

    If Jason can speak in both masc. and fem. voice without being judged for either, we all should, my POV…and I stand by his words are weighted more heavily than anything we stay to each other as authentically MALE – when by his own statement he is both masc/fem and therefore should not be interpreted differently.

    And….about a 12 page letter dropping limiting beliefs? Uh, no…not in the strictest definition/sense, since a limiting belief is an unconcious one tied to our complete childhood/upbringing and every story we’ve ever told ourselves. But in general, people can and do drop/confront/move past limiting beliefs because of innocuous things…like a butterfly landed on their shoulder, or they felt a presence….it doesn’t always have to be about the work. Not that the work is not A way to get there, it can be about a ground of being a state of receiptivity or a belief in miracles…or a willingness to be willing….

    when I speak I am inviting conversation, discourse, and exchange of ideas unless I ask for critical feedback – which I have regarding the blog and got none. I certainly get a lot of it on my voice, tho…


    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 1:11pm

  108. 108: JacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    @ Jason….love it!!! and cut and past isn’t bad per se, it was just confusing….see, that’s where I think I AM….I express myself, I am feminine and ergo, voila! it should be heard as feminine. The distinction I’m still working with…
    and btw….feeling messages are not synonomous with feminine.
    and btw….I had a big urge to email you to like “warn” you in advance…now is that cuz you’re male or cuz I don’t speak right per se??

    And just in general, thank you for giving me the space to work out these concepts and in particular to work them out with you!!!


    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 1:15pm

  109. 109: JacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    Jason…and you know? sometime you are totally a laser!! genius!

    A lot of times I just hear words…but this I hear at a whole new level – because I deem it profound!

    So, thanks again and you are profound….smile…

    But I’m going to introduce to you a radical idea. If you want to use your masculine voice effectively as a woman, you must be congruent in that voice and in your masculine energy. You must feel as in touch with it as you are with your feminine side. And then you will have the wonderful power to exercise your masculine energy at will as well as your feminine. That is really the ultimate goal for all of us as men and women. We are literally redesigning ourselves in terms of this polarity. We are gaining consciousness around this and getting triggered less.

    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 1:18pm

  110. 110: Jason MillerNo Gravatar says:

    102: Jacqueline

    I’m so fascinated by where this is going. I have a real world example of this.

    Coincidentally, I have one client I’m working with who wants to work on her masculine energy. This is actually my coaching her to unblock her own masculine side and use it for being more effective in business and working with other men and women using their masculine energy. This is what I mean by developing congruency. Congruency means you can be totally comfortable and unapologetic about either your masculine or feminine sides as a man or a woman. It really is at the core an energetic vibe phenomenon.

    Jacqueline, I encourage you to try on this metaphor even more now because there is an opportunity for you to be even more effective with your own voice, whether it comes from your masculine side, feminine side, or a blend of both! The better we can grasp these concepts, the better empowered all of us will be for it! You are free to choose whatever combination you want at any time.

    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 1:23pm

  111. 111: JacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    ps…I think that work – eft, reiki, bodywork etc works but the best way to drop a limiting belief?

    would be to suspend disbelief!

    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 1:24pm

  112. 112: JacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    @ Jason – that is IT!! I need a male voice that works – I spent my whole life being the boss of men – maintenance men, etc….tennents….the guy usually comes in to get in your face….and it doesn’t work when I am not the “boss.” I developed it to survive in a job that required me to be very very tough and in your face but it no longer serves me. And really never did outside of that work situation – how many boyfriends have said to me, I’m not your maintenance man??? And that’s what I’m here for…rofl…the absurdity….of it, but yeah, I need a male voice that is not shrill, bossy or non allowing of someone elses views.

    In my defense, 20 years of being the owner’s direct representative over people who thought they owned! their apartments…I had to kick doors in sometimes, or get the kid to open it and just step inside and wait for the non payer to get out of bed, etc…..eviction if a hard, hard process; as is a job where basically people thought my job was just to listen to them yell at me…..very conflict ridden environment.

    whereas massage I was sooooooo good at – made great money, got huge tips, created a safe soothing and nurturing atmosphere and had some miraculous results.

    But it wasn’t as fun as being the boss and yelling…well, it wasn’t stimultating. Or adrenaline filled….

    ‘kay, now I really am gonna go workout and thanks!

    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 1:38pm

  113. 113: life_is_too_short_to...No Gravatar says:

    I am glad you mentioned the contractor experience that i wrote about. I wanted to clarify a bit, because from your comments, I’m not sure I made the context all that clear.

    I had commented to the friend who referred him to me that he was acting like a husband might who was complaining about all the “honey do” work he was having to do, when in fact, I am paying the guy handsomely and he knew what he was getting into, so why doesnt he just do the work and don’t expect me to entertain him.

    You spoke about “subtext”. Yes, in the sense that apparently, he was wanting some kind of attention from me.

    My “Good Morning Honey” comment was meant to address, in a non-confrontational way, that he was acting like a disgruntled husband might, not for me to use my femininity.

    I went on to tell him that he knew what the job was before he took it.

    I think he realized that I called him on it, because his attitude changed after that.

    Subsequently, we relaxed into him giving and me receiving.

    having fun, but time to get a move on….

    Life is too short

    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 1:41pm

  114. 114: Jason MillerNo Gravatar says:

    107: Jacqueline

    Thank you, Jacqueline. I feel like we just and a meeting of the minds. You make my heart sing because it all reaffirms that working with individuals on all of this stuff is my life’s work. I’m so happy you are seeing opportunities open up for yourself.

    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 1:42pm

  115. 115: VulpineNo Gravatar says:

    Tinque, #60, TOTALLY agree about “that perfect smell”. My husband had that smell when we were courting and I could nuzzle into his neck (just skin smell, not cologne) and simply bliss out. When it went south, the magic scent was gone.

    I think the clenching up and freaking out that happens after we start having sex is because we’re looking for the validation that yes, we are amazing and yes, of he’s enthralled. And I’m learning now that confirmation cannot come from outside of me and I can’t expect if I give a man sex, he will give me that in return. I have to know it internally and release my attachment to any particular outcome. But then the ego gets involved and wants to hear it “OMG I can’t live without you!”

    This is a great thread and as I’m CDing but not getting intimate with anyone. This is giving me a lot to think about.

    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 2:04pm

  116. 116: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Haven’t caught up here yet, but I want to say, Tinque, that I always appreciate the way you honor viewpoints different from your own, as in this: “Yet some women have managed this successfully.” <3

    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 2:37pm

  117. 117: Turtle GirlNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you Katrina and Denise for your input.

    Something to ponder…… it’s not a good sign….
    And yes, he has showed some selfishness in other areas.

    Life is to short to: You have a point as well…Rori teaches this kind of thing. Say something like ” It would feel really wonderful if you did ____.” ‘___ really turns me on”.

    I guess really it comes down to do I want to spend my time and energy teaching him want works. I have had many lovers in the past, been married before, etc etc. Often times the really good lovers are not all that good men out of the sack. The ones who are good men out of the sack seem to suck in the sack.
    I wish this were not so. This has been my experience. I want both. A good decent man, and a good lover. Is that too much to ask? That guy Johnathan that was on the other post said something about how he thought that the best marriages were between good friends, not the best lover? Really? Wow……

    Tinque seems to have found both. I have a good friend that has both.

    It feels like settling. This guy I have is a great friend. A good man. Lots of good stuff, but sex is really too important to make light of it.

    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 2:38pm

  118. 118: tinqueNo Gravatar says:

    Vulpine – One of the “tricks” is, especially with a not so vocal man which many are not, to hear him saying OMG I can’t live without you without him saying anything at all. You hear it in how he looks at you, treats you, takes care of you, cherishes and adores you, sexually and every other way.
    This was a huge lesson for me.

    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 2:39pm

  119. 119: tinqueNo Gravatar says:

    Turtle Girl – I’m glad you brought this up. I meant to and forgot by the time I got to the end of the for me long list of comments.

    “he [Jonathon] thought that the best marriages were between good friends, not the best lover”

    I have to disagree with this. You are absolutely right; you CAN have both. I know first hand, or maybe it’s second hand, that I’m not alone in having a very good friend as an awesome lover.

    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 2:44pm

  120. 120: JacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    OMG! Turtle girl, I agree ….they play on the great lover thing the way I could play on being a blonde??? But I think a lot of men self taught using porn…and can be retrained. What do you think?

    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 2:45pm

  121. 121: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    “And often when I’m feeling needy, I’ll start to rely more on feminine energy, which for me presents issues in my romantic relationships sometimes.” (Jason)

    VERY interesting! That explains a lot about some of the men I have encountered in dating! Hmmm…..

    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 2:47pm

  122. 122: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    I CD’d over the weekend, a few times actually. I went out of town and met someone, and I also had a friend there who was picking me up to meet a CD with me, but ended up swooping in and stealing his magic. Then I had two CDs the next night but I FELL ASLEEP for a looong time, and so I dated my pillow that night instead.

    i love the confident feeling that even if your primary love interest doesn’t work out, there are so many other men out there just dying to take you out!

    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 2:47pm

  123. 123: JacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    High five, Jason!!!!

    and I”m kind of wondering about it being “masculine,” vs. just logical – I mean maint. men are pretty much about shorting the work and my job was to tell em how to do it and the cheapest way to boot…

    but at home for ex. my guy plants sod….it barely takes hold….then he goes to build the sunroom and covers all the dang grass up with his “pile” of boards, etc – even plywood….so the grass withers, but his focus is now on the room all the work on the grass is forgotten…and men love their piles. So now I’m loving the room but yelling about get the pile off the dang grass so I can water it, ya know?

    Yeah, yeah, I KNOW you’ve got piles, it’s physically impossible for a man not to have ’em…piles of boards, piles of receipts, piles of change…I dunno…just piles! I hate piles!!! I don’t hate men tho….rofll…..

    laser vs. disco ball??? ha ha…or man focus vs. multitask female focus?


    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 2:49pm

  124. 124: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    I would love to know what you girls consider makes a “good lover” in a man? and what makes him not so good?

    i’m on lover #2 in my life, and i am feeling so curious, and still learning

    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 2:51pm

  125. 125: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    “And….about a 12 page letter dropping limiting beliefs? Uh, no”

    That right there sounds like a limiting belief. :)

    And, since I don’t have a limiting belief about the ability of 12 page letters to erase my limiting beliefs, voila! a 12 page letter could easily do it for me. :) And maybe that was the case with the person who experienced it, too.

    I feel excited about that kind of possibility actually!

    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 2:52pm

  126. 126: DeniseNo Gravatar says:


    Lizzie, EXCELLENT suggestion!

    I went bowling with a date recently that told me a lot about him…let’s just say I was not too excited to go golfing with him! :)

    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 2:54pm

  127. 127: JacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    Might sound like one, Lucy, but in the way Erika and EFT people are talking about it it isn’t. In common vernacular tho, right on!

    @ Dorothea – I’ll tell….ha! I even managed somehow to email someone how to teach him to kiss lessons yesterday…har….but not here.

    Really, tho, Tinque has said all there is to say, the rest is just logistics!

    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 2:55pm

  128. 128: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Re: Jonathon…. “so it led (in my mind….) to he didn’t want to really get my critique”

    So, you told yourself a “story” in your mind, and that colored and changed your interactions with him.

    “but did you tell him something he didn’t want to hear?”

    I have no idea! I just told him the truth with no attachment to the outcome, we talked a bit, and it felt good.

    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 2:56pm

  129. 129: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    Why not here? I don’t understand.

    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 2:57pm

  130. 130: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    “Might sound like one, Lucy, but in the way Erika and EFT people are talking about it it isn’t.”

    I respectfully disagree. A limiting belief is a limiting belief is a limiting belief.

    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 2:58pm

  131. 131: Katarina PhangNo Gravatar says:


    “Sex is a part of the entire package that is ME, HIM, and US as a couple.
    I don’t advocate keeping our feefees so “sacred” that they “shouldn’t” be penetrated until there is a ring or some other form of commitment.
    There are no guarantees. Not in marriage either.”

    YES…YES…YES!!! Very well put. And unless the men share the same values as you -and sure they have to to agree to this arrangement-, it feels like a helluva pressure on them and it feels like they are only useful as a “commitment machine” disregarding completely his needs of intimacy as a man who can express his love, affection and true deepest core as a thinking, feeling human being through his basic makeup as a sexual being (all in one basic, closely intertwined package as you aptly mentioned).

    I told SG last night that I didn’t feel anything when he first greeted me: okay he was handsome but he was a total stranger. We hadn’t shared anything. I didn’t feel the electric current yet till we kissed. And the total “surrendering of boundaries” between us was complete the next morning. He entered me -and I him- quite literally and figuratively through the magic power of ultimate intimacy called SEX in which both of us were rendered totally vulnerable and open and penetrable. That’s the ultimate way to know and feel someone -his/her true being-.

    It’s just so profound. It’s in fact spiritual.

    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 3:03pm

  132. 132: DeniseNo Gravatar says:


    Jacqueline, there is also something called a ‘personality type’. Some personality types are more about nurturing (feminine) and some are more about confidence (masculine). That doesn’t mean a woman who is more about confidence is not nurturing. That doesn’t mean a man who is more about nuruting isn’t confident. It’s what we are most predominant in as we are a mix of different personality types.

    You sound like a similar personality type to me–something known as a Warrior type. More analytical (we are not driven by emotion), more about confidence. It is unusual for a woman to be a Warrior, but here we are! (Taking some license based on your posts!). Warrior women’s challenge is to be more emotional, to be less aggressive and more assertive. There are ways to bring out that more creative (less analytical) side, makes us more well rounded.

    Does any of that resonate with you?

    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 3:07pm

  133. 133: tinqueNo Gravatar says:

    Dorothea – What a fabulous question. First of all, for me, there has to be chemistry, for without it, the man’s touch would feel at best ho hum and at worst repellent.
    A fabulous lover makes my skin tingle, electricity sometimes/often courses through me when he caresses. He doesn’t have to have any special “technique”. I want to feel that he’s enjoying my body and me doing whatever he’s inspired to do with me and to me. His enjoyment of his ravishment of me heightens my experience.
    He cares if I’m feeling good. He wants to gives me orgasms, loves all of orgasms, (I’m sure it must make him feel more manly) but he doesn’t mope or moan if he doesn’t. He doesn’t feel he’s done anything “wrong”.
    This rarely happens, but if it does, he’s quite alright, delighted even if I finish myself off. This is not a blow to his ego in any way. (this would turn me off. it’s not a big deal. he’s not in my body, so he can’t always know where to go when)
    He is tuned into me, sensitive to my rhythm and to how my body is responding.
    He just makes me feel good.
    Is he perfect in every touch, each motion? Does everything he does send me? No. But that’s okay. It’s the whole experience, his intention, his love coming through.
    And I take responsibility for myself too here. As in the example above.
    Does this help?

    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 3:07pm

  134. 134: Jason MillerNo Gravatar says:

    116: Lucy says:

    “And often when I’m feeling needy, I’ll start to rely more on feminine energy, which for me presents issues in my romantic relationships sometimes.” (Jason)

    “VERY interesting! That explains a lot about some of the men I have encountered in dating! Hmmm…..”

    And when women feel needy, often they will go into overfunctioning masculine mode to take up the slack. You can see how each side interferes with connection and attraction in opposite energetic ways very often.

    We’re going to start seeing a lot of unification start happening between men and women around getting help with relationships in the near future. We’ll start to see more holistic approaches that bring both sexes together instead of our trying to solve these issues on one side of the fence or the other.

    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 3:09pm

  135. 135: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    “he [Jonathon] thought that the best marriages were between good friends, not the best lover”

    I don’t think he meant it the way you are taking it. I think he meant that we can get carried away with someone who is an amazing lover but (as TG said) not great outside the sack.

    I heard him saying that the best marriages are between great friends who are also great lovers together.

    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 3:11pm

  136. 136: DeniseNo Gravatar says:


    he [Jonathon] thought that the best marriages were between good friends, not the best lover

    I totally agree with Tinque and wrote about this in earlier posts. ALL three legs of the stool need to be there in order for a long term relationship that is successful. That’s sexual attraction, friendship and commitment. There are subsets of each of those three categories, but those are the headings.

    In my opinion, it is a really big mistake to settle for less than having all 3. I did it and lived it, and now am divorced. I will not make that mistake again…unless I’m 90 and just want some company :)

    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 3:11pm

  137. 137: JacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    wow, Dorothea – it’s like what Katarina just posted, but the nuts and bolts I’m not talking about on open blog, just feels private. Smile…

    Lucy, I’m glad you had a different experience, once again we are at an impasse. I am curious as to how he got your email? and mine? cuz he said the site link didn’t work to blog….so I was confused to even get the email. And sometimes when you say the word “filters” I feel very TRIGGERED….like you say that with condenscion, and if only I in my ignorance could get past my filters I would agree with everyone and everything. You cannot get past your filters they ARE you….you could not function in the world, would literally go crazy if you did not filter. And have you looked up the EFT definition of limiting belief? It’s a semantics distinction I’ll grant you, but it is a distinction – as in it is with you your whole life, it is the unconcious force behind your actions and reactions, etc. vs. just a normal old limiting belief of I can’t jump over a 4′ wall. Stopping now, or this will turn circular…

    OOOOOH! and I love the so I dated my pillow….I love my pillow, Dorothea!


    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 3:12pm

  138. 138: Turtle GirlNo Gravatar says:


    I will tell you what I think a good lover is-no problem.

    A good lover is a man who can experience a full blown range of love making. He has taken the time to understand and educate himself on women’s bodies. He is not afraid to ask questions or experiment. He can so really slow and sensual and build me up till I explode. He can also “do it down and dirty” and hard and fast. He uses his hands and his mouth and his penis as well. He can kiss all over, he can have oral sex and enjoy giving and receiving. He will look you in the eye while you are int he act. He is connected to you spiritually while he is making love. He is in other words really present. He can get lost and melt into the whole sexual/sexual/body experience and not be in his head or be somewhere else. I want a lover who is there with me. He is a slow, soft and hard kisser. He nibbles, he is playful. He is interested in pleasing me-ravishing me like an exquisite meal or a really expensive bottle of good wine. He SAVORS the experience.

    Now-I could go on-but some of this is simple “personal preference”. Having said that I think most women want want I just described unless they have issues of their own sexually. I judge no one. My guy who is a wham bammer guy is a good person, he just is clueless about how to really please a woman and how to please me.

    I don’t know if I did a good job of describing a good lover or not. Your thoughts?

    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 3:12pm

  139. 139: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    “And when women feel needy, often they will go into overfunctioning masculine mode to take up the slack. You can see how each side interferes with connection and attraction in opposite energetic ways very often.”

    Ah, so true!!! Like me suggesting he mail my glasses back to me instead of meeting to get them like HE suggested! Argh!!!

    I forgive myself. :(

    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 3:15pm

  140. 140: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Hehe. I think you did a good job, Turtle Girl. :)

    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 3:16pm

  141. 141: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    Jacqueline, I feel bamboozled! We’re all here working with the tools and discussing private heart and sex matters (such is the theme of this whole thread)…what are you doing here exactly? lol. will you please create an alias so that I get the full jacqueline? in one convenient location with other sirens? play with us, damnit.

    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 3:17pm

  142. 142: JacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    @ Denise – hi, and yeah, when I was writing to Rori I wrote about a “warrior woman” voice and that’s when she wrote squeeky…lol…

    I am also a healer and an artist – I paint and have won some shows – photography also…

    so there’s this very emotional component and this very rational component – I worked harder to develop the rational component because my feeling always just were, like force of nature feelings…I WAS my feelings…and ….. My friends repeatedly used to tell me you are NOT your feelings….

    and I’ve led a lot of groups and stuff, been told I’m a good teacher…so all put together….

    old school….yesterday’s woman became today’s Warrior Woman, which is not the same as tomorrow’s woman because in a sense it was a molded identity that I worked on to achieve.

    Thanks for the insight – it feels like insight bubbles all over today!


    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 3:18pm

  143. 143: Jason MillerNo Gravatar says:

    134: Lucy

    Aw, don’t beat yourself up about the small stuff. It all takes practice.

    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 3:20pm

  144. 144: JacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    Dorothea – I wish I HAD started with an alias!!! but now I am quite sure I’ll be recognized no matter what my name says….heee…

    lover – the ability to touch in a way that conveys an energy – masculine lover – the touch that builds up to a pounding force and hopefully a physical one…I with Jason reading….but bondage, submissive, topping from bottom and lots of stuff can be exciting. And, I once got something like 50+ fans on a semi porn site just from posting pix of my feet!!! Fetish…a fun place to play but a scary place to live….

    so –

    please give me a pass, my face is red and I’m trying to play…

    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 3:21pm

  145. 145: DeniseNo Gravatar says:


    You’re very well rounded Jacqueline! If you are also very analytical, that means you use your left and right sides of your brain very well…the sign of a genius :)

    I admire your artistic talents!

    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 3:24pm

  146. 146: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    “Warrior women’s challenge is to be more emotional, to be less aggressive and more assertive.”

    Great point, Denise! I’m not sure where you got that typology (Warrior, etc.) — but would love to take a look at it. I’m guessing I would fit in the Warrior category as well. Sounds like a 1 or 8 on the enneagram???

    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 3:24pm

  147. 147: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    Sweet. thanks! i like hearing everyone’s input. you ladies rock my world.

    jacqueline, if you make an alias, WE will know it’s you, maybe, but outsiders and googlers will not. go for it! *chants* do it do it do it

    no pressure;)

    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 3:25pm

  148. 148: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    “This rarely happens, but if it does, he’s quite alright, delighted even if I finish myself off. This is not a blow to his ego in any way.” (Tinque)

    That’s the way my ex-h was/is. It’s great to have that in a lover. I wish I could do that with my current “sometime lover” — but I’m afraid to broach the subject because it might be “a blow to his ego.” :( What do you think?

    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 3:28pm

  149. 149: Jason MillerNo Gravatar says:

    139: Jacqueline

    What’s the safe word? 😉

    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 3:33pm

  150. 150: BarbinOzNo Gravatar says:

    #60 Tinque

    Wow I find that fascinating, I was married for 29 years (!!!!) and I don’t recall ever smelling anything behind my husband’s ears??? Maybe it was on some subconscious level?

    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 3:37pm

  151. 151: tinqueNo Gravatar says:

    Lucy – I didn’t always feel comfortable doing this. I decided one time after one too many times of feeling a bit “left hanging and frustrated” that I would try it.
    He encouraged me in the past to play with myself before and during or together which I came to love doing, so what difference would it make doing it afterward.
    I was nervous at first, concerned I would hurt his ego, but he was SO okay with it, my fears melted.
    I would suggest just plunging in and trying it. Or try masturbating to orgasm first. For me this often encourages vaginal ones and can make the whole experience just more so.

    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 3:40pm

  152. 152: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    Lucy, with my limited experience I actually have dealt with this issue twice. I just go to town on myself like it’s normal (it IS normal to want to touch yourself and have an orgasm), and enthusiastically tell him to play with my breasts or to stay inside of me after he’s finished so i can feel him inside me while i rub my ****.

    um, i use graphic words though…

    at least if it hurts his ego, it won’t affect his erection since he’s already done anyway:P

    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 3:41pm

  153. 153: AmberSNo Gravatar says:


    The safe word… Hoo-boy. That’s stirring up some intense… feelings.

    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 3:43pm

  154. 154: tinqueNo Gravatar says:

    BarbinOz – It’s a person’s own personal smell. I suppose it’s loaded with pheromones. I have a particularly sensitive nose (which can be not a good thing sometimes) which is maybe why I’m so aware of this, but I’m not alone in this as you might have read above.
    Check it out the next time you’re with someone with whom you have chemistry.

    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 3:43pm

  155. 155: Jason MillerNo Gravatar says:

    What most people don’t realize is that you can learn and change paths to orgasm but it requires practice and taking your ego out of the equation. The brain is pretty malleable in this regard. I can’t back this up with any hard facts or data, but I personally believe women (and men for that matter) can learn to orgasm from any erogenous zone on the body. Orgasm really depends mostly on the brain and not the body part or method of stimulation.

    Again, limiting beliefs come into play… The reinforcement on beliefs around orgasmic pathways are very hard to break because the reward for a given pathway to orgasm is orgasm itself.

    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 3:46pm

  156. 156: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Jacqueline, I feel confused by this paragraph. I don’t understand what you are saying:

    “And sometimes when you say the word “filters” I feel very TRIGGERED….like you say that with condenscion, and if only I in my ignorance could get past my filters I would agree with everyone and everything. You cannot get past your filters they ARE you….you could not function in the world, would literally go crazy if you did not filter.”

    Can you give me an example of where my use of the word “filters” triggered you?

    I assure you, I have not said anything to you with condescension. I am sorry you have felt that way. I sometimes experience you as being condescending on here, but I know (or believe) it is merely a function of my own filters/triggers, and not actually you being condescending. In fact, I think my “filter” with you is that you remind me a lot of parts of myself.

    This — “and if only I in my ignorance could get past my filters I would agree with everyone and everything” — is actually a perfect example of filters at work, because that is all coming from your own head. I do not at all think you are ignorant, nor did I ever say or imply that. And, I would never expect anyone to “agree with everyone and everything” — I feel amazed that you would think I think that.

    “You cannot get past your filters they ARE you”

    This I disagree with. Our filters, imo, are part of our conditioned ego, and not our true selves. The more aware and “conscious” we become, the more we release old programming, limiting beliefs, judgments, heal triggers, etc., the more purely we will see the world — less and less filtered through the ego — and we will be more at peace with others. Not agreeing, necessarily, but accepting, peaceful, and joyful.

    This is my viewpoint as it stands at the moment.


    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 3:47pm

  157. 157: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Oh, and yes, I understand the EFT definition of limiting belief — “as in it is with you your whole life, it is the unconcious force behind your actions and reactions, etc.” — that is exactly what I am talking about. And it goes along with what I just wrote about becoming more conscious and less driven by the unconscious reactions of our egos.

    Responding rather than reacting.

    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 3:50pm

  158. 158: AmberSNo Gravatar says:


    Can you make it a game? Tie up his hands a make him watch? Or ask him to touch himself, to show you how he likes to be touched and take turns?

    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 3:54pm

  159. 159: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Aw, Jason, thanks! (138) I love you!! Lol. :)

    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 3:55pm

  160. 160: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks for the suggestions, Tinque and Amber. I would feel more concerned about working through it if there was long-term potential with him. . . but there’s not . . . he is just “filler.” Ooh, I feel guilty saying that!

    And I wonder…. was it Jonathon who mentioned this concept?….if the universe sees the place of “lover” already filled with this guy, so it’s not bringing me my forever man????

    What do you think? Was it Jonathon who said something like that???

    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 4:04pm

  161. 161: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Hey, Dorothea, just read your suggestion, too — thanks, girl! :)

    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 4:06pm

  162. 162: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Hehe, after he finishes, I can just say, “I’m not done” and then just get on with it. :) He would probably be so surprised!!! I’m betting, in a good way. Ooh, I’m kinda getting turned on right now just thinking about it! 😀

    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 4:08pm

  163. 163: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    150 – Jason- I agree completely — how else would I explain having orgasms while asleep with no touch at all? :)

    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 4:13pm

  164. 164: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    “So I now have violent lightening streaking across my sky and HAIL. The air smells like a seam in the earth split wide open. Oh, Jacqueline… what did we awaken?”

    I don’t know, but I have been feeling an excitement (that is not sexual) like there’s something brewing in the air — for about the last half hour…..!

    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 4:16pm

  165. 165: Jason MillerNo Gravatar says:

    158: Lucy

    Wow, lucky you! 😉

    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 4:20pm

  166. 166: DeniseNo Gravatar says:

    #141 @Lucy

    I am a 8 on the eanneagram! 3 was my next highest score on that test.

    King/Queen, Warrior, Lover, Magician are Jungian archtypes. I like this method because it’s easy to remember, easy to explain, easy to apply. We are all a combination of all 3 types, but one is dominant. Each personality type has it’s strengths and weaknesses–each personality type reacts positively to certain things that are said to them. This can be used anywhere in life, especially with the boss :). For example, Warriors love to be recognized for their power, so if someone says something that compliments their ‘power’, you’ve made a friend!

    I loved learning about this because it helped me to truly accept who I am, and to work on the parts of my personality that aren’t so great.

    Here’s an easy test you can take. Keep in mind any test is left brained, so by design it may tip in the direction of King/Queen and Warrior. But it’s been accurate for me and many, many other people I know who have taken the test.

    One more comment, I’ve also seen people manipulate the test so it comes out to who they WANT to be. That’s self defeating if the goal is to really understand and accept who you are.

    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 4:23pm

  167. 167: DeniseNo Gravatar says:


    Damn Lucy, that’s a pretty cool thing!

    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 4:23pm

  168. 168: tinqueNo Gravatar says:

    Lucy and anyone else re: orgasms – Yes it’s possible to have orgasms while asleep. I too have had this happen on occasion.
    And yes Jason is absolutely correct that you can teach yourself to have all kinds of different orgasms. I taught myself to have g-spot and cervical ones. And the possibilities continue.
    This is part of my work.

    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 4:33pm

  169. 169: JacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    @ Lucy….lol…..I like filters!!!! ergo you thinking the less the better…feels off to me. It’s always like this with us – we share what Jason and I used to share – a “prickly” energy…I can agree a limiting belief might be best kicked to the curb…but I choose my filters and often, my beliefs – well thought out, but chosen. I don’t think a person with no ego is a well rounded nor stable individual – it’s just an opinion, tho and kind of irrelevant to the sex convo. It feels condescending to me because we are not alligned to the same goal – in removing filters, in agreeing on what limiting beliefs are, in communicating, etc. But I’ll take your word on it that it’s not. ps – I still wanna know how our emails addys were out there???? well, I know I post mine sometimes….

    AND whoo hoooooo …..storm clouds coming….negative ions making everything better!!!

    So – here’s a radical comment that doesn’t even have a place here but illustrates this off to the side conversation – many, many people do NOT want to get well. They get a HUGE payoff from whatever illness they have manifested. They get attention, they get to be special, whatever. The get their insurance to pay for massages, they get to let themselves have permission to use their illness for any variety of stuff….and they taught us/me to just let that be. OR they’ve manifested an illness out of their negative belief and if you were to do away with the illness, in a sense you would do away with them…. so, you do NOT to try and heal it, or them. Most people don’t talk about this anymore because it can create a what did I do causation to the person…and it’s just science – or is it? Either way, I was taught you only try and heal those that ask to be healed/helped.

    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 4:37pm

  170. 170: JacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    yes!! I direct us all to the SEXpert here…Tinque, please take it away….

    and Jason I’ve been loling since you posted, just cannot go through/on with it….one thing the site did show me tho – is that there is this huge range of behavior that is considered normal to someone somewhere, and it made me waaaaay more accepting of people’s needs that might be considered off the grid? AND, you lurkers out there…yep, the more powerful the guy, the more he likes to be submissive???heeee……btw, the submissive has ALL the power in true dominance….sheesh, Jacqueline, will you just shut up???? Dorothea! listen to Tinque…

    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 4:40pm

  171. 171: LizzieNo Gravatar says:

    tinque and others – yes behind the ears where the hair line ends, there is a little indentation there – that is the spot. And if you just breathe softly there, it will drive them wild. Another thing I like is for the man to take a rinse shower – no soap just a rinse to get off the day’s smells and I get just his body. Then if you nuzzle into his arm pit or his groin, the pheromones are all there! awesome. There is no doubt the smell we pick up is important.

    An awesome lover to me is someone who begins the whole experience long before the events begin. Like on the golf course – coming and standing really close to me; breathing on me with that lustful look; bets and rewards are a huge tease. Then all the romancing stuff – candles, a good wine, lovely music, good food, lots of laughter and teasing. Lusty kissing and break aways. Lots of caressing of all parts of the body. Having him undress me, slowly and with such gentle tenderness. Lots of skin to skin caressing, touching, exploring with finger tips, full hands, tongues, lips – everything. Usually I like him to lead because it is then all about my pleasure. A great lover will respond more to how he gives pleasure and how we respond to his efforts. I find this just astounding actually and hadn’t known about that until I was divorced and took my first lover. And the married guy I took on was so unbelievable! He was not appreciated by his wife and wow was she missing out. A great lover is completely motivated to give his woman unbelievable pleasure. And they listen and watch the whole body respond to them. This is what creates the feeling of complete surrender to bliss. Sigh.
    And all the other stuff the others have said here.

    And I shall disagree with Johnathon on this one thing – I believe awesome sex will set the stage for building the friendship if the raw ingredients are there. The raw ingredients are common values, respect, liking each other. I married a friend (albeit a gay one) and we got along well – but it was the emptiest loneliest experience – my goodness it brings tears just remembering. Sex is so important

    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 4:41pm

  172. 172: BarbinOzNo Gravatar says:

    Lizzie # 166

    STOP please, you are turning me on with this imaginary lover LOL!! Swoon, WTH is he?????

    It is 9.45am at the airport and there are queues of people checking in for their flights and here I am reading all this sexy, passionate stuff and I haven’t even got one man in the CD rotation yet let alone 3 ha ha!!!!

    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 4:48pm

  173. 173: AmberSNo Gravatar says:

    Lucy- re#155-aww, c’mon. Where’s your sense of fair play? If your sex improves that means you get better sex NOW,


    The next woman will thank you. In fact, your forever guy may be out there, right now, learning how to *really* please a woman….

    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 4:49pm

  174. 174: JacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    argh! Amber….ha! Love that!

    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 4:55pm

  175. 175: JacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    WTHeck?? @ Denise – wow I wanna be all of the answers on #12!!

    So – once again, I defy my own expectations….cuz…I’m predominately nurturing and passionate – sigh….well that explains all the work I do at being logical, huh?

    Very fun!!! Thank you so much!!!

    Look out, Michelangelo(Jacqueline)—You are predominately a Lover!

    You also possess aspects of the Warrior, King/Queen, and Magician personalities and your complete personality profile can be described as 46.2% Lover, 30.8% Warrior, 15.4% King/Queen, and 7.7% Magician.*

    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 5:03pm

  176. 176: JacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    oh, and no one’s gonna believe I answered completely honestly….cuz this is what it says:

    While nurturing like a King and Queen, and artistic like a Magician, you sometimes lack the ability to speak up and stand your ground, and have a tendency to be passive and introverted.

    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 5:04pm

  177. 177: RagnellNo Gravatar says:

    I am angry. I did not like today’s mail at all. It makes me feel like I’m doing everything wrong. And it feels like you are trying to make me feel that no matter what to do, it’s wrong, so that I have to depend on you and whatever is the next product you want to offer. I don’t like it. It is dissappointing to see that your main interest is selling your silly programs, which aren’t working by the way, but you lie to us and you want us to believe that you’re interested in helping us. Heck, I was never the kind of loser that you were. Only losers like you don’t ever call a man. Me? I have nothing to fear. I am tired of your advice making me feel like I am doing everything wrong when it is precisely what I do that is working. Because what I do expresses who I really am, and hiding this, this treasure that I am, would be a display of low self esteem. I have never been treated like trash the way you have, because, you know? I’ve never been trash. I’ve never allowed myself to be trash the way you have been.
    Fuck you, Rori!
    I am not going to let you make me feel inadequate just so you can sell me your stupid programs. I feel like a fool and I’m hurt and disappointed.

    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 5:06pm

  178. 178: BarbinOzNo Gravatar says:

    Look out, Michelangelo—You are predominately a Lover!

    You also possess aspects of the Magician, King/Queen, and Warrior personalities and your complete personality profile can be described as 38.5% Lover, 23.1% Magician, 23.1% King/Queen, and 15.4% Warrior.*

    SNAP Jacqueline 😀

    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 5:17pm

  179. 179: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    :) Just returned from my walk. While I was walking, a guy randomly texted me, “Go Ravens!!”

    My initial reaction was *yawn* (which I did not express) but then I texted back:

    Me: Go darkness! In this tunnel i just walked thru by the water. Go magic in the air!

    Him: Where are you? I love football, but I would much rather be where there is magic in the air!

    Me: In the park where it is too dark (park rules) but I am here with my dog and the magic.

    Him: Hmmmm. I want magic!!!!


    (and, yes, Jacqueline, that was an exact transcript — sorry if it bothers you! Really!)

    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 5:20pm

  180. 180: JacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    Tag, Barb you’re it!! and I so wanted the Magician thing… what’s your weakness??

    smile and off for now….


    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 5:20pm

  181. 181: AmberSNo Gravatar says:

    RE: 171


    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 5:21pm

  182. 182: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    “In fact, your forever guy may be out there, right now, learning how to *really* please a woman….”

    Ewww, I don’t want to think about my man pleasing another woman!!!

    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 5:23pm

  183. 183: LucyNo Gravatar says:


    I’ve been thinking a bit about what Erika said about polyamory….

    What if TN man is my forever man and it is meant to be a polyamorous relationship together with Interloper Girl?????


    Erika, are you here? What do you think???

    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 5:25pm

  184. 184: FinallyFernNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you Jennifer, jacqueline and BarbinOz,

    Just hearing from you at a moment when I was feeling frozen allowed me to take a deep breath.

    I do know with certainty he was with his ex. I painfully kept silent until I had the proof on paper. But of course, I did not tell him my exact proof because it would take away the only insight I had to the truth.

    And Jennifer you just touched upon how I have been feeling, like I am the one who is going crazy, always self-doubting, and end up feeling guilty for my feelings because he is outraged that I could even think of accusing him.

    All along I kept thinking and feeling like I was somehow just not doing enough.

    Thank you again for responding so quickly, it gave me a moment to gather myself and now try to process this.

    xo Fern

    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 5:25pm

  185. 185: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    I can’t have cervical ones cuz I don’t have a cervix. :( But I love g-spot ones. 😀

    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 5:32pm

  186. 186: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Jacqueline, we are using the term “ego” completely differently. “Filters,” too, it seems. We probably actually agree, lol, just have different definitions for the words we use!

    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 5:36pm

  187. 187: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    “Either way, I was taught you only try and heal those that ask to be healed/helped.”

    I feel confused. Are you trying to say you don’t want to get well and don’t want any help or healing?

    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 5:39pm

  188. 188: AmberSNo Gravatar says:


    How did you read this to be about her?

    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 5:41pm

  189. 189: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    This –

    “The next woman will thank you”

    is a very good point!!

    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 5:44pm

  190. 190: JacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    No, Lucy! that’s not what I was saying…

    and yes I think we are just using the same words for different things.

    The you don’t heal someone unless asked is what I was taught in massage school, etc. If someone does not want to heal, it is not my business, nor is it my place to judge them for that or try and figure out their payoff, etc. I am only a facilitator for what they want in that environment.

    I’m talking about physical illness, btw, and I don’t have any, so I second Amber’s thought….

    @ Amber….okay, Princess – you take the dang thing!!! See how I developed such a very opinionated opinion!!!! Yall can’t possibly be allowed to see I’m very sensitive and vulnerable! OMGosh, the horror…

    Night for now….signing off earlier for my mental relaxation….

    grins and waves,

    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 6:02pm

  191. 191: JacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    Amber….Lynnestarr – my name for Melb(a) Lynne wants your email address….write and let me know???

    @ Fern…hang in there! Watch this show called Lie to Me – then whenever he does something weird you can shout – “deflection!!”…smile….

    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 6:14pm

  192. 192: LizzieNo Gravatar says:

    All right sirens you can all beat me up with a bazillion wet noodles – I sent an email to my “dead guy” last summer flame to find out how he is.

    He is madly in love with the woman he dumped me for
    He has a totally awesome new job
    He got a huge severance package
    He is over the moon with happiness

    And I feel tears…

    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 6:18pm

  193. 193: LizzieNo Gravatar says:

    I need to understand what I feel

    I feel terribly afraid I will never find the love that he has found – and she freaking pursued him!!! I know that!!

    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 6:20pm

  194. 194: LizzieNo Gravatar says:

    i feel such loss – I loved how he lusted after me; I loved how he wanted to feel me and the life in me; I love the intensity of the passion he showed me

    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 6:22pm

  195. 195: LizzieNo Gravatar says:

    I was a messager for him – I brought intense passion into his life
    and he was a messanger for me – he cried for me to feel

    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 6:23pm

  196. 196: LizzieNo Gravatar says:

    he drank too much – I thought he might be an alcoholic – I hated that

    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 6:24pm

  197. 197: LizzieNo Gravatar says:

    he has huge masculine energy – as I think about him, I can remember feeling that huge masculine energy and now I know what that is
    he cracked me open – he helped me realize that as scary as my feelings are, they are good

    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 6:26pm

  198. 198: LizzieNo Gravatar says:

    I am so afraid I won’t find what he has found
    I am so afraid another man will do the same thing – have 2 women on the go and choose the other one – I don’t want to be the one left behind
    I don’t want to be told you are so sexy but I am not in love with you and there isnt’ a future for us

    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 6:29pm

  199. 199: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    “How did you read this to be about her?”

    I didn’t — that’s why I said I felt confused. Wasn’t sure what she was getting at, so I was asking questions in order to understand.

    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 6:33pm

  200. 200: LizzieNo Gravatar says:

    ugh, I feel so awful
    all tight in my tummy
    all tight in my throat
    I can’t speek
    I just want to hide in the corner and weep
    I want to cry and let it all out
    but my kids are sitting behind me
    I feel angry at myself to wanting to know how he has transformed his life
    I had written him a profound letter about opening himself to the possibilities and exploring life differently
    He said he had never met anyone as smart and insigtful as me
    so what ???
    I know I was an incredibly important part of his transformation

    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 6:33pm

  201. 201: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Hey, Jacqueline, I lost track of “Lie to Me” after the last season ended — when is it on??? I love that show!!

    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 6:35pm

  202. 202: LizzieNo Gravatar says:

    so then why do I feel so awful
    I knew this wouldn’t work…but I guess I never let go of the hope
    maybe it was still taking up space and I didn’t realize it

    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 6:35pm

  203. 203: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Aww, Lizzie, so sorry you’re sad. (((HUGS)))

    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 6:36pm

  204. 204: LizzieNo Gravatar says:

    I’m off

    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 6:36pm

  205. 205: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Lizzie — “maybe it was still taking up space and I didn’t realize it”

    And now that it’s not taking up that space, there is room for something new. <3

    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 6:39pm

  206. 206: AmberSNo Gravatar says:

    Oh Lizzie…

    Hugs. I am proud of you practicing being strong for your kids’ sake.

    Please allow yourself to go into this when you have the space to be you (not mom-you).

    I wish I could take them out to blow bubbles and give you time to feel your hurt…

    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 6:40pm

  207. 207: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks, Denise! That was fun! My results:

    All hail—You are predominately a King or Queen!

    You also possess aspects of the Lover, Warrior, and Magician personalities and your complete personality profile can be described as 38.5% King/Queen, 30.8% Lover, 23.1% Warrior, and 7.7% Magician.*

    AND, apparently my perfect match is a Magician — and GUESS WHO exactly fits that description???

    Yep, WH and TN man.

    Now what???

    Does that mean (oh cool!!!!) that I am attracted to the right type for me??? 😀

    And, theoretically, then, if they know what’s good for them, they should be attracted to ME! 😀

    Okay, boys, c’mon!!!!

    3,2,1 ….. you’re on!

    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 6:43pm

  208. 208: AmberSNo Gravatar says:


    You helped him become! What a tremendous gift you gave him…

    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 6:49pm

  209. 209: DeniseNo Gravatar says:

    #196 @Lizzie

    I’m sorry, you are obviously very hurt. I think everyone on this forum can identify with your pain.

    I do think your very astute observation of him ‘taking up space’ is a good one.

    Be kind to yourself, you will get beyond this.

    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 7:00pm

  210. 210: DeniseNo Gravatar says:

    I’m glad those who took the test enjoyed it!

    Now start thinking about people you might know and what personality type they may be!


    King/Queen: left brained, tend to get mired in the details and then can’t make a decision, analytical. The benevolent leader, more about nurturing. Tend to dress well, very put together. Like to go out with lots of friends or has a lot of friends.

    Warrior: Left brained, action oriented, analytical. Can be aggressive, opinionated. More about confidence. Often likes to spend time alone, tends to have a smaller group of close friends. Lots of time motorcyle drivers, hunters, wear flannel shirts and work boots.

    Lover: Think Birkenstock :), long flowing skirts, flower child. Right brained, not analytical, more scattered and spontaneous. All about emotion, which is their downfall. More of a lean backers, doesn’t take action. Sweet and loving, more about nurturing.

    Magician: The ‘life of the party’, enjoys being ‘on stage in life. More about confidence, right brained so not as analytical and organized. These people tend to wear things like tye dye t shirts.

    (Jennifer Aniston is a Queen, Brad Pitt is a King, Robin Williams is a Magician.)

    Supposedly opposites are supposed to fit perfectly, but I do have some issues with that. The next perfect scenario is opposite emotional styles: king/queen with a warrior; a lover with a magician. The least best connection is opposite intellectual styles, king/queen with a lover; a warrior with a magician. (I totally see the conflict between warrior and magician in my own life.)

    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 7:07pm

  211. 211: life_is_too_short_to...No Gravatar says:

    Oh Lizzie….my goodness….how articulate you are about your situation! i know exactly what you are going through and i definitely felt your pain deeply
    and acutely because it is my pain too.

    Did you see my situation on another article and you answered me. Did you see my last response there?

    It’s a good challenge to stay strong inside and soft outside, but I am staying strong. but I still feel that I do not ever want to know the way his life turns out if I am not to be a big part of it. I don’t like feeling like that, but I do feel like that, so there is no use in having a preference about what I am feeling.

    I kind of feel discarded, but I am not exactly sure if that is what is going on, or if I am personalizing it a little too much.

    I am being bombarded from all directions about self limiting beliefs

    I am not convinced that I should slam and lock the door yet, because the courageous thing would be to not burn bridges but stay open to sharing insights if at some time that becomes comfortable. Right now, there is to be no communication for a while.

    Incredible courage is needed because of all the negativity I feel in him and his space and he is not calm or rational enough to see how his negativity is affecting him emotionally. I don’t think he is angry with me, but he might be because I didn’t want to date him right away and told him to call back in a year. Then is competitive drive kicked in and he charmed the pants off of me and the rest is history.

    I am learning that there is a very fine line in any relationship between being compassionate and letting someone abuse you (being an enabler).

    Ultimately, I am content to know I may have played a part in his transformation without paying too much of a spiritual price. He is a messenger for me, that is certain. Writing and reading here today has been of immeasurable help.

    I’m sure I will have more to say….

    hugs to you


    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 7:21pm

  212. 212: life_is_too_short_to...No Gravatar says:

    When did sex begin to become equated with love?

    At one time, it was just another function.

    And what defines love?

    So why is there a clitoris, whose only purpose is to generate pleasure.?

    Sex is a very intimate expression that I don’t feel i have to act out with a lot of different people. It really needs to feel “right” for me, clicking on several different levels, and that is rare.

    Otherwise, I,m not really into going through all that it entails just for the physical pleasure.

    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 7:44pm

  213. 213: LizzieNo Gravatar says:

    Lucy, Amber, Life, Denise – OMG I can feel your caring
    thank you so much
    I am going to sink into the anguish and let it flow through me

    I know I helped bring him back to life
    I know he opened me up to feel

    He actually gave me all his contact information and wants to meet – I might or might not who knows
    I am shocked at my emotional reaction
    I am glad to have had such an emotional reaction
    I didn’t know I was holding on – I haven’t had contact with him since new years when he sent me a nice card
    I know he feels I am a very special soul
    – and I know he needed someone a lot simpler; I know I freaked him out with how deeply I listen and how I can articulate what was going on with him
    I know I am really different – sometimes I think my life would be a ton easier if I was not as smart and insightful as I am
    I also know creativity, exploring, and taking huge risk and the road not even conceived is what makes me happy – I can’t be a simpler girl
    I just need to find an equally passionate person who likes me just the way I am
    I am actually happy for him
    I am increadibly afraid for myself
    I never knew that before
    I am afraid
    and now I am crying
    I never knew I was afraid
    oh my did I ever trigger myself
    tears are just streaming
    all that fear – my god who ever would have guessed

    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 7:46pm

  214. 214: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Oh, Denise, I feel so sad now!

    I was thinking to myself: If I am attracted to the Magician — which I am — and they are my best match — then why have I always ended up with guys who are totally NOT Magician-types?

    Then I read the Magician description again, and I saw — oh sadness! — it perfectly describes M who I was engaged to in college and I broke up with him in order to self-sabotage — *sniff*

    No wonder he felt so right for me — he WAS right for me!

    My lovely, funny, fun, unpredictable, lively, friendly, entertaining Magician. :(

    M. I broke his heart.

    And now I feel drawn to TN man and WH — they are so much like M — they, too, are Magicians.

    But they are just out of reach.


    Erika says it is something inside ME.

    I wrote that whole story the other day about wanting to be safe to a man — the mosquito zapper, Man-Drowner — it came out of nowhere — a realization that I am not safe for men — and I even added to my commitment list: I commit to being safe for men.

    And now I am remembering M — how I broke his heart.

    Oh yes, I see you deep inside me: FEAR that I would do the same thing to WH that I did to M —

    Draw him close, draw him in, seduce him — heart, mind, body, and soul — and when he becomes vulnerable, putty in my hands — when I have cut off Samson’s hair — I suddenly despise him and betray him in his weakness.

    Hmm, that is the same dynamic going on when I lose interest after sex!


    I apparently have a Delilah complex.

    What now?

    I don’t want to hurt men.

    I want to be safe for men.

    I want to be safe for a Magician.

    I love and adore Magician’s.

    Why did I hurt M? I loved and adored him!

    Why would I hurt someone I love and adore?

    Poor WH. He doesn’t want Delilah to break his heart. Smart boy.

    I will not break your heart.

    No matter what.

    I will love you, adore you, respect you.

    I will not betray you.

    I am a good girl. No matter what my mother said, I am a good girl.

    I am a good girl.

    Ah, I am a good girl.

    I am NOT a bad girl. No, mom, I am not.

    I may not follow the same rules you do — no dancing, no drinking, no being different — but I am not a bad girl.

    I am a good girl.

    I am safe for men.

    You can trust me. I will not break your heart.

    Do I believe that?

    Part of me does not. Part of me whispers, “You will always be no good for men.”

    Limiting belief.

    Even though part of me believes I will always be no good for men, I love and accept myself anyway.

    I choose to believe I am good for men.

    I am good for men.

    I am good for a man.

    I am good for all men.

    I feel scared.

    And kinda excited and hopeful.

    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 7:47pm

  215. 215: JacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    Lucy….will you please tell me how Jonathon got our addresses? or yours anyway? and I just found something relevant to this….that came in my inbox..

    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 8:10pm

  216. 216: RagnellNo Gravatar says:

    I am angry. I did not like today’s mail at all. It makes me feel like I’m doing everything wrong. And it feels like you are trying to make me feel that no matter what to do, it’s wrong, so that I have to depend on you and whatever is the next product you want to offer. I don’t like it. It is dissappointing to see that your main interest is selling your silly programs, which aren’t working by the way, but you lie to us and you want us to believe that you’re interested in helping us. Heck, I was never the kind of loser that you were. Only losers like you don’t ever call a man. Me? I have nothing to fear. I am tired of your advice making me feel like I am doing everything wrong when it is precisely what I do that is working. Because what I do expresses who I really am, and hiding this, this treasure that I am, would be a display of low self esteem. I have never been treated like trash the way you have, because, you know? I’ve never been trash. I’ve never allowed myself to be trash the way you have been.
    I am not going to let you make me feel inadequate just so you can sell me your stupid programs. I feel like a fool and I’m hurt and disappointed.

    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 8:10pm

  217. 217: RagnellNo Gravatar says:

    I don’t need anyone to call me needy. From what authority are you speaking of, as to know what *he* finds attractive? Who do you think you are to dictate what is a girl and what is a boy?

    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 8:20pm

  218. 218: JacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    okay it’s in Adobe, I can’t quote out of it. It’s by Steve Wells from EFT Tapping Down under and it’s an exercise in polarity – negative belief by definition implies good belief – and you tap around both and get like double cleared. I’m going to be doing his work and writing about it; and if you look at our personality tests I can see why we use words which don’t mean the same thing to us!

    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 8:25pm

  219. 219: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    jline, that sounds similar to what erika does.

    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 8:45pm

  220. 220: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    ragnell, sorry u are feeling bad about that email. jline, he and i connected via facebook.

    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 8:48pm

  221. 221: Katarina PhangNo Gravatar says:

    Ragnell, maybe if you outline which part(s) exactly outraged you we can discuss it. I have done all those mistakes Rori said myself. Maybe not all of them are exactly wrong, but some are worth noting

    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 9:09pm

  222. 222: JlinaNo Gravatar says:


    how did you get my nickname??? this feels weird! but hey, I think I will change per Dorothea’s suggestion! anyway, I think he’s great but sometimes I feel weird, like there should be privacy levels on here or something?!

    shoutout to Dorothea!!!

    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 9:09pm

  223. 223: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    I feel yucky reading what you wrote. I respect Rori a lot and her programs have transformed my life. It feels horrible to hear someone insult her.

    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 9:12pm

  224. 224: JacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    LUCY!!! How did you get my nickname??? I feel freaked out!

    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 9:12pm

  225. 225: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    RE: #209 – Did you sign up for his eletters on his site?

    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 9:13pm

  226. 226: JacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    Yes, and he was kind enough to provide me with a free program to review – you know he works with the founder of EFT? and the polarity document download is amazing!!! Hey, Brenda…how was your day?

    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 9:15pm

  227. 227: JacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    Brenda – will you check your email and write back? thanks!!

    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 9:17pm

  228. 228: JacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    okay I think it’s on my blog….but it’s like my pen name and I’d really like to be my “real” name here – which is Jacqueline, but you all can call me J….well ‘cept Mercedes that is. Been a looooong day and I’m off to date my pillow.

    Nite, sirens,

    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 9:45pm

  229. 229: RagnellNo Gravatar says:

    She’s calling me NEEDY and DESPERATE. She says he’ll NEVER feel inspired and that he’ll NEVER be attracted to me and that I’ll NEVER feel adored and that he’ll NEVER commit.

    She doesn’t know him. And she doesn’t know me.

    I’m not a Siren.
    I’m a woman.
    I don’t “girl” anyone nor “outgirl” anything because I’m not a girl
    I’m a woman.

    I feel my feelings.

    I don’t need a stupid program to tell me EXACTLY what I need to DO or SAY to get him in fear of DOING IT WRONG.

    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 9:46pm

  230. 230: JacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    oh, and Brenda I misunderstood – I signed up for eletters from Steve Wells of EFT down under. Thanks! I know my email is freely given here, but wanted to make sure no one was like making “lists” or anything. My issue….and one Dorothea brought up earlier. How can anyone google me from blog and pull up what I write here? I know someone will know!

    thanks, all!


    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 9:48pm

  231. 231: AmberSNo Gravatar says:

    jline- It’s on your blog! I think it’s how you sign your comments…

    Please feel free to give my gmail addy to Mel B (wink) Lynn

    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 9:49pm

  232. 232: JacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    Ragnell….I’m hearing you, just involved in my own drama here. Why don’t you write to Rori – I think she lists contact info on the let your sqeeky voice be heard page?

    I don’t think that’s how she meant it, but I hear how you understood it and are offended. Hopefully, it can be cleared up.

    take care!

    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 9:50pm

  233. 233: JacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    ah! Amber I knew you’d be the smart one!!! thanks…and see you manana!


    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 9:51pm

  234. 234: AmberSNo Gravatar says:

    Ah- sorry :( I like your nickname! But I wont use it anymore.

    I’m a little lost on the EFT down under guy? He works with who?

    And there is a way to google the bit of code associated with your gravitar and pull up anywhere it is used.

    Your code contains:

    along with a bunch of other characters which I XX-d out

    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 9:54pm

  235. 235: JacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    Hey, thanks for that and I like my nickname too…and it’s gonna be used on my all the way live site one day so I just don’t want them confused! and I’m just gonna have to get off gravitar, then I’ll be really lost when I come back tomorrow!

    take care and sweet dreams!


    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 10:03pm

  236. 236: JacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    EFT down under works with the guy who invented EFT!
    ‘kay I’m just another pink flower now….lol….

    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 10:09pm

  237. 237: TinaNo Gravatar says:

    I missed the squeaky voice page , what catagory is it under?

    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 10:11pm

  238. 238: janjuneNo Gravatar says:

    just recording–

    RE: Jason’s # 42 earlier today–

    *knew* i was missing part of it earlier today— something very important–couldn’t identify it at the time.
    now i think “there weren’t enough words surrounding the concept to make it stand out!!!”
    I THINK I …could quit yelling… :)…
    i think i equate important information with more words— the more words, the more important the issue. uuuuuggggghhhhhh……….. i hate realizing that i do this,… how boring for men to have to wade through all those words to get to hear the point…

    okay,… AWARE NOW!
    omg,omgomg i feel like i have the capacity to change this!! that i can learn to use less words with a man and not drown him in them. wait until i have thought through the issue before answering rather than trying to figure it out as i go—
    … my exhusband used to say that!! he’d roll his eyes and say “the *point*?!”
    im laughing now, but it really did used to frustrate him.
    however, he was also the type of man who you couldn’t say, “well, give me a minute to think about it, okay?

    he wanted an answer NOW… what’s to think about? either you do or you don’t blahblah…
    so i only take ownership of my part of the issue
    and i don’t feel guilty about it
    only aware.


    the comment:
    “Ah, now this is probably true. Men are probably more directly in touch with our basic needs than women are. Women are socialized to be overly concerned with other people’s needs in our society to the denial of their own needs. If a woman can be more in touch with her basic needs, she can become easy to be with too and make requests.”

    this afternoon i didn’t fully pick up on this part–

    “If a woman can be more in touch with her basic needs, she can become easy to be with too and make requests.”

    OH YEH, this is REALLY HUGE !!

    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 10:12pm

  239. 239: TinaNo Gravatar says:

    I cant believe Rori said “sport f*cking” omg!

    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 10:14pm

  240. 240: JacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    hey, janjune….loving it, huh?!!
    Tina – like 4 posts back – check Aug archives, then Sept. and hiya….and last post she quotes the guy as saying f**K

    now g’nite!!!


    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 10:24pm

  241. 241: AmberSNo Gravatar says:

    Exploring this fear

    I am suddenly so wanting intimacy with my guy. I want to know who he is, underneath the person I know and love.

    I’m realizing that I don’t know if there might be a future

    I don’t know what his goals are

    I don’t know what his purpose is

    I don’t know what he wants

    I don’t know if I fit into those answers for him.

    I don’t know if he fits into what I want

    I feel sad because I feel heartbreak at the idea of us ending

    I feel my fear of looking too close at this. I feel afraid that we might discover we are not each others forever

    I want truth. I feel my fear and I accept it. Fear has no power over me.

    I want to find a way to open my heart to him totally.

    I want him to see me, completely.

    Who I am, who I want to become.

    I want to see him completely

    I want to love him wholly.

    All of him

    All of me

    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 10:30pm

  242. 242: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    I finally did it. the luck magic. i used Jaqueline’s tip about suspending disbelief – which i have been using, it was nice to put a phrase to it…

    i thought… ok, i want Man. X to call me, and because im lucky he will

    suspend disbelief

    about an hour later, he called.

    he hadn’t called in days!

    This is the first time this has worked. I’ve reached a new threshold. I feel juiced.


    he said, wow i hurt his feelings because i broke plans to see him last time.

    he’s like so what have you been doing?

    i said waiting for your call hehe.

    he said i wish you were waiting for my call

    lol. i said i was. hehe

    so cute and fun. now he wants to come over.

    i want to see him

    i feel excited

    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 10:35pm

  243. 243: Rori RayeNo Gravatar says:

    Andrea – one word – drama. You are well rid of…step back and happiness will find you. Love, Rori

    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 10:38pm

  244. 244: Jason MillerNo Gravatar says:

    231: janjune

    Glad you got it!

    I have to say that in general it can be very taxing on a man’s psyche when a woman is “locked on transmit.” That means she’s holding down the talk button on the walkie-talkie so no one else can talk and be heard. Your appreciation of a man’s typical tendency to use few words shows great kindness on your part.

    Think of a teenage boy who’s got testosterone raging in his body. Most teenage boys give only single word answers to questions from their mothers. If you click on my name on this comment, you’ll go to my website. I just posted an article on my blog about testosterone and the episode of This American Life from NPR that I reference has a great example of the mind and voice of a teenage boy.

    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 10:39pm

  245. 245: Rori RayeNo Gravatar says:

    Carole – welcome, and –I’ll reach out for different versions of the No Girlfriend speech…everyone, thanks!! Love, Rori

    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 10:45pm

  246. 246: PseudonymousNo Gravatar says:

    All hail—You are predominately a Queen!
    46.2% Queen
    23.1% Lover
    15.4% Warrior
    15.4% Magician

    At your best within the confines of your own “castle,” you prefer that which is safe, secure, and known. No surprise then that you’re most comfortable interacting one-on-one with those you love or want to know better, and that your confidence loses steam in new situations.

    Located on the other end of the spectrum, your perfect opposite is an assertive and creative Magician.


    Yup, I’m definitely married to a Magician – loves to be performing, center of attention.

    Wrote this a while ago as a “stanza” of a collaborative poem:

    She watches and listens to all
    the other shes and hes around her
    and, once again, muses why it is that
    the quiet, thoughtful shes and hes
    can’t just be attracted to each other
    instead of settling for crumbs of attention
    from those they desire.
    It’s a ritual she knows all too well …
    sitting on the sidelines watching
    while he makes sure that everyone notices him.
    She wonders what it would be like if,
    for just one night,
    her attention alone would be enough.


    *crossing back over the moat now, pulling up the drawbridge to my castle and watching from the parapet*

    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 11:31pm

  247. 247: JacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    Hi, just jumped in to say sorry for the franticness….sometime around when I started my blog and Athol’s comments all pinged around – my $1,000 Sony Vaio bit the dust; just went black and was sadly diagnosed with a dead mother….board. it made me a bit paranoid, but I shall get over that soon, I mean two repair shops and no one could tell me why? sadly…..

    @ Daria – Excellent you Magician!

    @ Amber – what if it’s an exciting experiment to find out who he is??? and you fall even deeper into intimacy….and love? What if he never stops growing and you are always fascinated by him? What if because of you he grows into a man who is a gift to you and to the world? Yes, I have no doubt you can do that….if you choose.


    Monday, 13 September 2010 @ 11:38pm

  248. 248: RagnellNo Gravatar says:

    I feel censored and ignored. I also feel I carry a truth. I acknowledge that truth. I know it is not a comfortable truth to many because you have been brainwashed by Rori’s program. Unlike Rori, I am not going to write about how any of you should feel or what the future will be if you do this or that. But I’ll share my point of view: I am being taken advantage of and ripped off. Whatever I learn, according to Rori, will never be enough. Because it is important that I keep buying from her. The message is contradictory precisely because if I do something to “have the relationship I want” it will be something to make me less attractive and less girly and less of a “modern siren”. Well, it’s not going to work that way for me.

    Tuesday, 14 September 2010 @ 12:28am

  249. 249: TinaNo Gravatar says:

    Ragnell, I hear you, I dont know what to say. I know your not happy though. I dont want to come off sounding like a Rori Raye disciple so I’ll just keep my mouth shut , hows that?

    Tuesday, 14 September 2010 @ 1:11am

  250. 250: TinaNo Gravatar says:

    Ragnell, are you doing the squeaky voice exercise?

    Tuesday, 14 September 2010 @ 1:37am

  251. 251: BarbinOzNo Gravatar says:

    Ragnell, what is going on with you that you are feeling soooo ripped off and used with Rori? I am only a RR newbie myself and am struggling with some of this stuff in my head……….is it one thing in particular, are you pissed off because you have been doing all the “stuff” and it’s not working?

    I truly am interested and am not a disciple so please feel safe to tell me/us.

    I have to say as much as I love the emails there is no way I can afford set after set of DVD’s and thought long and hard about the only set I could afford…..I am still on a huge learning curve and haven’t even put any of the tools into practise yet but I can see where I have been going wrong all of my life, always overfunctioning, always, always, always, turning around a man from one who was SOO into me to one who couldn’t give a s**t…….

    Tuesday, 14 September 2010 @ 3:15am

  252. 252: BarbinOzNo Gravatar says:

    Lizzie, Lizzie, Lizzie #190-196 and more……..sometimes it is best to leave the past right where it is, behind us…………….

    There is one man who I consider (so far, please God not the last one) to have been The Love Of My Life as I was his, or so he said, and it has been over for more than a year, and although I like to tell myself I am over him and don’t care what he does any longer if I were to email him (and yes I have been tempted MANY times) and he were to tell me he had found a new love, was happy as Larry, had come into some money, etc, etc, I know I would feel exactly as you do right now……..sometimes it is better the NOT knowing…….

    My heart goes out to you tonight, you are a really lovely, caring woman and I am SURE you will find the right man because you BLOODY WELL deserve it right????

    I am thinking of trying to get into Erika’s class on Sunday about this self limiting stuff, what do you think? I don’t even know what a teleclass is, but we have about 5 days to find out, WE, you/I/all of us women on here are deserving of true love, it is not just for the lucky few………and I do admit to getting pissed off, well not really pissed off, but ya know envious of those on here who tell us how wonderful their love lives are………like they are rubbing salt into the wound, and I know they aren’t really but I don’t want to hear about how some man likes the way you arch your back to receive him when I can’t even get a friggin’ date on a FREE dating site, does that make me less than you, well no cos I had a husband that loved the way we had sex, maybe he even loved the way I arched my back too, only trouble was he was spreading his “lurve” around with others too, I feel like Daria minus the Ganja, just riffing away and letting it all out and it feels good too 😀

    Come on Lizzie, let’s go arch our backs and make men lust for us :)

    Tuesday, 14 September 2010 @ 3:28am

  253. 253: DeniseNo Gravatar says:


    Here, here! :)

    I have a man in my life like that too and would feel the same exact way. It’s been over a year. I am well over him emotionally, but now I need to ‘sweep’ him away. The next time he contacts me, I am going to let him know this and wish him well. I’m ready.

    Tuesday, 14 September 2010 @ 4:32am

  254. 254: DeniseNo Gravatar says:

    #212 @Lucy

    One thing to consider and is interesting is that we are attracted to people who are like us. We feel comfortable. They just ‘get us’ immediately. The problem with being with someone like us personality wise is there is no dynamic, nothing interesting to keep things going; there also could be competition–instead of working as a team, you’re competing against each other. Two warriors is an example, they are competing for power.

    In my opinion, personality type is only one piece. If the person is right for you from a personality type, but is immature and would not make a good partner, then the personality type match is irrelevant. To me, maturity and masculinity is much more important.

    Here’s more info, this is how to flatter each personality type:

    Warrior: recognize their Power
    Lover: ask them to tell you a story
    Queen/King: ask them for advice
    Magician: ask them to perform

    Tuesday, 14 September 2010 @ 4:43am

  255. 255: life_is_too_short_to...No Gravatar says:

    249 ahhh i see what you are saying about contradictory messages, Ragnell.

    i have had those thoughts myself, like, how exactly are these not strategies ? even is she says they are different from strategies. How is practicing these tools not over-functioning ?

    Also, there are way too many unknown variables involved in the dance of relationship to narrow it down to a cause and effect set of techniques.

    That being said, I am finding many of the suggestions and tools to be helpful to me to snap me out of negative self-talk and patterns that we inherit from our families, societal programming and conditioning.

    The most important thing, no matter how one does it, is to realize that the sense of joy, the happiness, the peace, the love that seems to be generated from the man, the love object, is but a reflection of what is already always within you. although we keep looking outside of ourselves for it. and when we think we have it, we start scrambling for ways to keep it and not lose it. Is that any way to live?

    I think that Rori’s programs offer ideas to “fake it til you make it” in that at some point you really and truly believe you already have everything you could need or want, and a relationship is the icing on the cake.

    best to you


    Tuesday, 14 September 2010 @ 6:03am

  256. 256: DeniseNo Gravatar says:


    I totally agree with your awesome post Life…it doesen’t take that long either before you ‘make it’. But it does mean doing things that are different and may feel counterintuitive. At some point, I think one has to let go and not think about the merits of doing things differently, and just DO IT.

    Tuesday, 14 September 2010 @ 6:13am

  257. 257: DeniseNo Gravatar says:

    Has anyone read today’s newsletter email from Marc Evan Katz? SO RIGHT ON!

    Tuesday, 14 September 2010 @ 6:16am

  258. 258: life_is_too_short_to...No Gravatar says:

    i did see it, Denise, and I agree it is very right on.

    His pulling away, his “not being that into you”…It’s not about taking it personally, or about you not always acting the right way.

    Sometimes the guy just doesn’t WANT to, for whatever reason. If I start to over-analyze and be his therapist, that is definitely over-functioning and may also lead to resentment, and what a waste of time, and….life is…well, you know…

    I had to walk away from the current imaginary relationship. It took me ten months to do it, but only because it is one of those blockbuster challenges and I was TKO’ed pretty bad by the love bug. It still hurts a lot, but I’m doing much better because of Rori and all the awesome people on this blog.

    Thanks for your comments on my post to Ragnell

    Tuesday, 14 September 2010 @ 6:28am

  259. 259: DeniseNo Gravatar says:

    I’m so glad you read it Life…always fun to share! It was sooooo simple–bottom line, it’s about the man’s actions, that’s what counts. When I find myself going down a path of excuses and reasons, I pull myself out and ask myself to look at his actions.

    I’m not saying this is easy, especially when you like someone. But at some point, it’s like “ENOUGH!”.

    I also think this goes hand in hand with Rori’s instructions about CD’ing.

    I also just thought, it’s also about PATIENCE. His email talks about weeks…to LEAN BACK, let him drive the boat (sound familiar) and be Patient (that’s us!)

    Tuesday, 14 September 2010 @ 6:32am

  260. 260: life_is_too_short_to...No Gravatar says:

    Yes, I unleashed some anger on him for stringing me along, but…I allowed it. I liked how he made me feel beautiful and sexy, the attention. But then I would get angry at myself for accepting just crumbs.

    The last thing I texted to him was feeling messages.

    I feel frustration, like you want to have your cake and eat it too.

    I don’t feel that things are very real or honest between us.

    I don’t want to pursue a romantic relationship with you now, regardless of distance, it would be a disaster. Don’t feel like being that close anymore either.

    It bothers me when you accuse me of ignoring and avoiding you when I don’t return a call.

    Now I am letting go of all of it, trying to interrupt thoughts about him with other things, and a rubber band on my wrist, (it is TOUGH!) and as Rori said, put him on my horse and keep riding.

    Tuesday, 14 September 2010 @ 6:37am

  261. 261: Erika AwakeningNo Gravatar says:

    “Don’t have it until you know EXACTLY where a man stands in the “relationship,” what sex means to him – and HE knows where YOU stand and what sex means to you.”

    Of all your posts about sex, Rori, this one resonates with me the most …

    Can we know which man is going to be the one to marry us? Yes, by waiting until he does marry us. Until then, at least for now, I feel content NOT having sex and I stay fully in my power.

    Tuesday, 14 September 2010 @ 7:14am

  262. 262: AmberSNo Gravatar says:


    Thank you for your post #252. Very well said.

    Tuesday, 14 September 2010 @ 7:19am

  263. 263: Erika AwakeningNo Gravatar says:


    I’d love for you to join us on the call …

    Tuesday, 14 September 2010 @ 7:21am

  264. 264: AmberSNo Gravatar says:


    I hear how upset you are. I am wishing I knew how to respond more eloquently.

    It sounds like you are reading Rori’s words differently than I am. I have benefited so much from her insight and her tools. I know how hard it was for me accept her advice and tools because they were so AGAINST everything I was as a woman. And I was successful at getting men and felt very empowered as a woman. No one would ever see me as a doormat.

    But I failed when it came to the next steps in my relationships.

    Because I had reached a point where I just didn’t understand, I was motivated to try Rori’s way, and I saw that I routinely overfunctioned and was a cactus and many other things.

    Not everyone makes the same mistakes. I don’t know why or how you came to find Rori, or what it is you are seeking here.

    From your comment it sounds like you operate more from a Diva place. That’s great!

    I remember you texting your guy that you loved him,

    For some of us, that would be a mistake. We don’t all start from the same place.

    You are angry, yes. And you feel cheated? Or manipulated?

    Rori gives away SO MANY tools – for free – in her eletters. I really appreciate how she doesn’t just market, but includes something for us to try. And I have learned so much being here on her blog. I am grateful that she doesn’t charge a fee for us to participate in this community.

    I wish I had some way to make you less angry. I don’t. I wish I had some way to help you get what you want, but I am not sure what that is.

    Is there anything I can do to help?

    Tuesday, 14 September 2010 @ 7:25am

  265. 265: Erika AwakeningNo Gravatar says:

    On the topic of so-called “imaginary” relationships, last night I did a session with a guy who has been very frustrated because he’s always been a “dreamer” with fantasies of meeting his perfect woman and living happily ever after …

    … and he’s super frustrated because he can’t seem to bring that vision into reality …

    sound familiar, anyone? 😉

    I did some integration work with him, grounding him into his body, and we could both literally feel our spines grounding into the earth, almost like the gravitational force increased …

    Lo and behold, where previously he had been going off into dissociated “tangents” (during which he was disconnecting from me) … suddenly there was space between his words, and it was easy to stay connected with him in real time.

    He was like a different person after a couple rounds of HBR.

    I feel curious how this will play out in his results with women … I predict a marked improvement.

    Tuesday, 14 September 2010 @ 7:29am

  266. 266: suzie crebbinNo Gravatar says:

    Hi guys, as yet I have not used any tools from rori, reading most of these comments has made me feel very unsure of the next step for me, i am so unhappy with my marraige and have been for 7yrs, this year its 30yrs, i really feel i have nothing to celebrate, there is nothing there on both sides, please someone help me make a decision to go with the program or not…Suzie

    Tuesday, 14 September 2010 @ 7:53am

  267. 267: lmNo Gravatar says:

    i am excited for the teleclass. it’s going to be awesome!

    Tuesday, 14 September 2010 @ 8:05am

  268. 268: JasmineNo Gravatar says:


    RE: #245 – Rori is NOT mercenary. Look at this blog! Look at all the time she spends writing daily eletters and thread articles for this blog, and sharing with us within the blog. She doesn’t get any money for that.

    One time I bought one of her programs. I mentioned to her staff after the initial 30 days that I felt disappointed in it. I wasn’t even asking for a refund, and they got straight back to me, saying Rori wanted to give me a refund.

    You are not censored. You have a right to say whatever you want. But why not email, her assistant, which she welcomed people to write in the thread on your squeeky voice?

    Tuesday, 14 September 2010 @ 8:58am

  269. 269: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    I want Ragnell to come back to talk to us more about how she is feeling and why she is feeling that way. I don’t want her to run away before giving us the opportunity to help her, offer some understanding, or understand where she is coming from a little bit better.

    I personally downloaded the e-book first, and while i got some interesting concepts out of it, and it created a new and very broad paradigm, i didn’t feel too much shift. I found the blog after reading the e-book and learned most everything I know and practice on the blog! THEN I finally watched rori programs, which just reinforced what I had learned from the blog. It was a nice refresher/reminder.

    Overall, I learned the most from Rori’s generous free materials here.

    Tuesday, 14 September 2010 @ 9:25am

  270. 270: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    What you said to Ragnell is very kind. I listened to Rori’s CDs while I was at work over and over, and it transformed my life! It really is true that it comes to fruition through baby steps. I have been working her tools for 1.5 years now, and I’m still learning!

    I knew about the blog, but I didn’t plug in until April 2010. I wish I had plugged in sooner! But listening to her on the CDs has become like listening to a gentle, loving friend, coaching me in my ear, calming all these crazy thoughts that try to race through my mind!

    And Tinque taught me to put the crazy voices in the corner and give them a cookie! I smile every time I think of that! My time with Rori and this blog has speeded up my emotional and social growth exponentially!!

    Tuesday, 14 September 2010 @ 9:42am

  271. 271: Katarina PhangNo Gravatar says:

    Lizzie, I can teach you the art of arching your back -and moaning fearlessly in appreciation- while your masculine man pleasuring you. Simply just be femininely uninhibited and receive and let him lead. He’ll be addicted to you because he feels all man! 😀 Anyone wants to arrange a teleclass on this? LOL…

    Erika, the irony is, perhaps, I feel that you might have VG hooked to you like crazy if you didn’t hold off sex (have you spent time together again after the first night?). That’s how a man fall in love completely with a woman. It’s simple truth. SG told me he could never be with a woman with whom the sex wasn’t inspiring (neither can I) so I can understand your beau’s reservation, especially if he has so many options when it comes to women as my beau does.

    But of course that shouldn’t precede the values you strongly uphold. I just feel what a waste of time to wait around when two people who are very into each other could actually form a meaningful connection much quicker if they could negotiate to meet each others’ needs somehow sooner.

    Tuesday, 14 September 2010 @ 10:13am

  272. 272: Katarina PhangNo Gravatar says:

    And oh Brenda, we’re going to need you as a model in our teleclass and can you help arrange it too? Thanks.


    Tuesday, 14 September 2010 @ 10:25am

  273. 273: Apple JacksNo Gravatar says:

    Kat, if you hold a teleclass on that, I would most certainly attend. :)

    Tuesday, 14 September 2010 @ 10:34am

  274. 274: Katarina PhangNo Gravatar says:

    Haha, AJ your early bird registration is duly noted. Brenda, take that!

    The secret is simple: just relax, be in the moment, let your inner porn diva shine and tell him in a graphic out-of-breath feminine voice -or sometimes a restrained/choked scream- trying to stay “sober” amid these blows after blows of carnal pleasure he’s inflicting on you of how much a man he is. How feminine he’s making you feel. How much you love being in a woman when his mouth and tongue is savoring your most feminine part -and you are completely wide open for him-, when he’s all over you tasting every inch of your body. How he’s growing bigger and harder inside you. And so forth, etc…

    He went nuts over these.

    Any more question?


    Tuesday, 14 September 2010 @ 10:47am

  275. 275: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    You mean I could model the arching my back and moaning part? :-) Or would you like me to model giving head? Or perhaps doggy style? LOL! Let me think about organizing it…I don’t want to get overcommitted.

    Tuesday, 14 September 2010 @ 10:49am

  276. 276: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    What do you do when you have a climax simultaneously? LOL! 😛

    Tuesday, 14 September 2010 @ 10:50am

  277. 277: Katarina PhangNo Gravatar says:

    Brenda, you will do all of that and more…. I know you’re a horn dog too, so this is to channel your inner porn diva without actually having sex with a man because I gather you’d rather wait until marriage (like all horn dogs would (snark)).

    Maybe we will need Jason to simulate the masculine role part? 😀

    Is that cool?

    Tuesday, 14 September 2010 @ 10:53am

  278. 278: Apple JacksNo Gravatar says:

    “Any more question?”

    *Blush* I think that’s great for now, thanks Kat.

    Tuesday, 14 September 2010 @ 10:53am

  279. 279: AmberSNo Gravatar says:


    “…actually form a meaningful connection much quicker if they could negotiate to meet each others’ needs somehow sooner.”

    It’s a beautiful statement and very true. I know for me, sexual desires are not always the same thing as needs.

    For me, mind expanding, launch me (and him) into outer space, oh-my-god sex is easy. I have found that the other components are sometimes lost in the tidal wave of connection and pleasure.

    Sex is like an excellent drug. But for me, it’s a shortcut. Yes, I can get to that enlightened place via substances (or sex) and it’s a great way to reinforce that I can get there. But getting there through mediation, or communication ensures that I’m READY to be there.

    Tuesday, 14 September 2010 @ 10:56am

  280. 280: JacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    Hi! you ever watch Harry Met Sally? she does that fake orgasm thing at the dining table? well if you do even just a little of that….they love it! Not saying to pretend, saying verbalization and visualization are big turn ons to men!

    @ Amber – did you think about the reframe with your guy?

    @ Katarina – I’ll take your class, go girl, go!

    Tuesday, 14 September 2010 @ 10:59am

  281. 281: JacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    @ Erika – I feel uncomfortable with you asking Barb to attend the class directly, and I am beginning to feel uncomfortable with the class!!!!! being brought up from one time to two times a day. You will do as you please – but I don’t like it. I also don’t like it that you’re not really HERE – you just pop in with a comment, maybe randomnish, and pop out. Like you wouldn’t know what was going on with me at all, or Ragnell, or anyone who was worried about her…etc. So your comments feel disjointed and kind of startling, in an off context way lately. If you are here, and you are inviting EVERYONE to a conference, can’t you just BE HERE and involved in the for lack of a better word – storyline?


    Tuesday, 14 September 2010 @ 11:04am

  282. 282: JacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    HEY APPLE JACKS!!! oooh, hooooo…I’m doing handstand cuz apple jacks make me think of jumping jacks!!! HIYA!

    Tuesday, 14 September 2010 @ 11:05am

  283. 283: JacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    oooooh, I love the inner horn dog snark….
    actually I love snark!

    And it’s funny, cuz I tell stories on here and that’s what Denise said my personality type likes to do?! lol….I hardly ever tell stories in real life….very cool Denise!

    Tuesday, 14 September 2010 @ 11:07am

  284. 284: Katarina PhangNo Gravatar says:

    Brenda, we did the next morning in my hotel when he was dropping me off (he did me 3 hrs straight that night -he said it was because he wouldn’t see me for a while so he held back (tantra, anyone?) and tried to enjoy me as much as he could…he admitted he was greedy-, and again in the morning in his bed and another half hour in my hotel). But he was such a great lover, he always made sure I was ready by going down on me over and over during it.

    We were so loud in my hotel room when we climaxed together I’m sure some people were wondering if a goat or two had been slaughtered where we were. :)

    And then he texted me: “Oh baby!!!” after he left. That’s how I knew he was genuinely crazy about me. Only then actually I felt really strong about him and stronger every day. It feels great to be wooed by a handsome man.

    He wanted to see me the next morning before my flight but didn’t happen ’cause it was his son’s first day in school. The next day he was looking for flight arrangement. And next weekend we’ll spend a few days together and prolly up to his friend’s cabin and get to know his 5 year old son as well.

    Tuesday, 14 September 2010 @ 11:08am

  285. 285: JacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    one more….@ Ragnell if you’re still reading -what I hear is that 1. you were offended and 2. you feel that Rori is selling you a self perpetuating system from which you will never be fully healed/functional/liberated. And yet, it is her business to sell her products, so she will just keep selling them.

    It is up to YOU to decide if you can use them, buy them or – and this is very generous of her – just hang out here and vent about them. You get to decide when you graduate. And unsubscribe?

    Hope you get what you want allways!


    Tuesday, 14 September 2010 @ 11:10am

  286. 286: tinqueNo Gravatar says:

    May I chime in here on the sex talk? I prefer to be called hussy slut though to horn dog.
    Not all of us are all that vocal during sex, and this absolutely does not deter from the experience at all, for me or him.
    Words interfere with my experience, his too. I find them distracting though I’m fully aware that for some, the words enhance and can be a total turn on.
    As for the moans etc. I have found for me, they can create tension and thus interfere with my orgasm. I’m not saying there is complete silence. Soft thises and thats escape on their own, but I find the more I’m IN my body, feeling and being aware, the more heightened the experience.
    I wanted to say this for any of the women out there who might feel inadequate for being quieter or like they’re not “doing it right”.
    There are plenty of men who DON’T like much noise so much.
    They DO love knowing their woman feels good though, and this is obvious in her facial expressions and in her body movements. A sensitive man can also feel every little pulse she feels, and this is plenty turn on enough.

    Tuesday, 14 September 2010 @ 11:31am

  287. 287: Katarina PhangNo Gravatar says:

    Tingue, surely there are different ways to show how you’re loving it. I’m not always vocal or loud either. But I do love talking dirty and my husband loves it. He always told me, talk to me, baby. But then he would complain “You’re talking too much” LOL…

    SG loves to talk dirty too as he gave me his own narration while we were at it. I think it’s cute.

    My hubby is more of the type in which the blood all goes downstairs so nothing left to sustain his verbal function lol…

    Just be true to yourself and don’t act fake.

    Tuesday, 14 September 2010 @ 11:38am

  288. 288: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks for saying that, Tinque. I tend to be more like you in that area — which (for me) may be partially a result of many years of my children being in the next room!

    It’s all good. :)

    Tuesday, 14 September 2010 @ 11:38am

  289. 289: Jason MillerNo Gravatar says:

    273: Katarina Phang

    I’m just tuning in. What did I miss? You want me to stimulate what part? 😉

    Tuesday, 14 September 2010 @ 11:39am

  290. 290: JacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    @ Tinque – thanks! absolutely not dissing anyone’s style, my friend tells me no noise sex can be one of the most intense things ever! and the only guy who ever talked me through it? drove me to ….ummmm Jason! look away…..faking. har…

    So, Jason all tied up?


    Tuesday, 14 September 2010 @ 11:51am

  291. 291: Jason MillerNo Gravatar says:

    286: Jacqueline

    Who’s all tied up? :-)

    Tuesday, 14 September 2010 @ 11:54am

  292. 292: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Jacqueline, it’s me, your favorite person on this blog (haha). It seems to me that Erika said to Barb, simply and kindly, “I’d love for you to join us on the call” because she read Barb’s comment to Lizzie:

    “I am thinking of trying to get into Erika’s class on Sunday about this self limiting stuff, what do you think? I don’t even know what a teleclass is, but we have about 5 days to find out…”

    …and wanted to encourage and welcome her to do so.

    Tuesday, 14 September 2010 @ 11:57am

  293. 293: Katarina PhangNo Gravatar says:

    Jason, it’s SIMULATE…but if you want to stimulate Brenda, you can ask her privately. I don’t think there should be any objection from my part.

    Tuesday, 14 September 2010 @ 12:01pm

  294. 294: JacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    OMGosh!!! lol rofl lmao….I totally wondered when he was gonna get that…..okay, Jason we want to stimulate your…..mind!


    Tuesday, 14 September 2010 @ 12:03pm

  295. 295: Katarina PhangNo Gravatar says:

    Jacq, his male brain is already soooo overly stimulated by this girlie talk of ours. 😀

    Tuesday, 14 September 2010 @ 12:06pm

  296. 296: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Katarina, LOL!!!!!! 😀

    Tuesday, 14 September 2010 @ 12:07pm

  297. 297: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Poor Brenda! Lol!

    Tuesday, 14 September 2010 @ 12:07pm

  298. 298: JacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    @ Lucy, hello and thanks for not shortening my name! well, it’ll be like next day midnite for her if I”ve finally got my timeline down? and you know – it just feels escalating and isolating…heee PUA terms….since this is the first time a personal invitation’s gone out. Like I said – to Erika – and yes, it bothers me when you answer for other people, thanks for acknowledging it in advance…she will do as she pleases.

    I would like her to be more involved here, though. Miss her energy and hate the disonnect feeling with the sudden burst posts.

    Tuesday, 14 September 2010 @ 12:08pm

  299. 299: Jason MillerNo Gravatar says:

    289: Katarina Phang
    290: Jacqueline

    Well, the brain is the sexiest organ in the body.

    So do what do you want me to SIMULATE exactly?

    Tuesday, 14 September 2010 @ 12:09pm

  300. 300: JacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    Katarina! do you mean we are making his head big? OMGosh….I’m done now….gotta stop snorting my coffee!


    Tuesday, 14 September 2010 @ 12:09pm

  301. 301: Katarina PhangNo Gravatar says:

    Haha, I’m loving this conversation so much I needed to change my avatar. My shy, private side kicks in.

    Tuesday, 14 September 2010 @ 12:09pm

  302. 302: Jason MillerNo Gravatar says:

    291: Katarina Phang

    Yes, I’m awash in a sea of female sexual energy. :-)

    Tuesday, 14 September 2010 @ 12:10pm

  303. 303: JacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    Hi, Jason and there you are again….lol…you are the ravishing male model we are going to use totally in our lovemaking advanced tantric how to move on…… movie on set/conference call!. And yep, your brain oughtta be what turns you on….and I soooo wasn’t gonna do this, but am having fun!

    (don’t mind me, I’m just watching)

    Tuesday, 14 September 2010 @ 12:12pm

  304. 304: Katarina PhangNo Gravatar says:

    Jason, did you read??? Sheeessshhh…. Scroll up, baby. See how much noble willingness to educate us Brenda has and she needs a masculine role in the act and I can’t see any other male here (should we offer this to Jonathon or Evan too?). Or Jacq, maybe you need to put that strap-on to use!!! How long has it stayed in your drawer?

    And which head are you talking about? Please be specific.

    Tuesday, 14 September 2010 @ 12:14pm

  305. 305: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Jacqueline, the reason I shortened your name the other day is because I was typing it on my phone — which is not only harder to type on, but also limits the number of characters I can use per post. I am sorry it offended you.

    As far as “answering for other people” — I don’t see it in those terms at all — I see this as an open forum, open dialogue — not a private, two-way conversation.

    After all, Erika’s comment was addressed to Barb, yet you felt free to jump in.

    Tuesday, 14 September 2010 @ 12:15pm

  306. 306: Erika AwakeningNo Gravatar says:

    Quick lunch post …

    @Katarina, didn’t ask for advice, thanks, VG and I are doing just fine and he’s plenty hooked on me … thanks in advance for respecting my right to make choices that feel good to ME …

    @Jacqueline, I hear unmet needs … for community … for connection … and, like I said, I wish there were two of me right now … I’ve done eight 90-minute HBR sessions in the last two days, and that’s on top of my day job and taking care of my house in Tahoe … so I request some patience and empathy, please, thank you :)

    Tuesday, 14 September 2010 @ 12:17pm

  307. 307: JacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    awwww, Katarina….I never could get it to work so I just cut the dang straps off! it’s just….gotta quit laughing!!!! and go to work!!

    How to send distance Reiki, that’s where my mind is….har….

    Tuesday, 14 September 2010 @ 12:21pm

  308. 308: JacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    Lucy – I jumped in to speak to Erika! but okay, yes, you too shall do what you please –

    and yeah, Erika that’s what I was feeling – like if you’re gonna be here I want all of your fiery, snappy, whirling dervish energy here! and I know it’s a big time for you, so just thanks – that felt good to be heard!

    Tuesday, 14 September 2010 @ 12:23pm

  309. 309: Katarina PhangNo Gravatar says:

    My other CD who signed his email with “your fan” just sent me a text:

    “I am enraptured by your body, your voice, the way you move, everything about you.”

    Oh boy, what can a girl do in this situation? I’m basking in all this attention. He’s one of the best lovers I know as well.

    Tuesday, 14 September 2010 @ 12:25pm

  310. 310: JacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    @ Katarina….why his big head of course! and that my darling is as specific as I can get….and wow, look what the anonymity of being just another flower has done to me!!!! ack!

    Peace and luv…and sex, drugs and rock and roll….take what you need….even if it’s just a smile….

    gotta run!

    Tuesday, 14 September 2010 @ 12:26pm

  311. 311: Katarina PhangNo Gravatar says:

    Send it to me, Jacq. I need it to calm my jittery mind…too much stimulation today! 😉

    Tuesday, 14 September 2010 @ 12:27pm

  312. 312: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    I make lots of noise. I like to, it’s fun. I love hearing myself talk, so hearing myself make noise in bed is fun for me too:P

    A while back, feels like ages ago, I stopped having sex with my LI. I was feeling insecure and needy, and didn’t want to have sex any more. Having sex was making our connection worse, not better. So we began fooling around without sex, and I knew that I wouldn’t be ready to sleep with him again until I felt like I could look him in the eyes between the sheets and feel safe to bare my soul like that.

    In the meantime, moaning and making sounds was kind of a barrier…it kept me from allowing space for him to move to the next level of intimacy, and it kept things light and fun.

    One night, I decided to just be completely silent. To see what would happen if I just listened to my body, instead of giving him something to listen to.

    Mountains moved. He looked me in the eye. He looked at me carefully and with tenderness. He handled me sweetly, like I was entirely precious. This was new to me with him. I stayed quiet, and let my body talk for me. I felt safe to sleep with him and let go and enjoy it. A few hours afterward, he declared his love for me for the first time.

    Quiet can be very very good!

    Tuesday, 14 September 2010 @ 12:28pm

  313. 313: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Yes, and I jumped in to speak to you! Lol!

    Tuesday, 14 September 2010 @ 12:28pm

  314. 314: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Dorothea, wow! that’s beautiful, thanks for sharing.

    Tuesday, 14 September 2010 @ 12:31pm

  315. 315: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    Erika, Katarina didn’t actually give you advice! OMG MIRROR. OMG VEILED ANGER

    i hope you can appreciate the humor here. 😀

    Tuesday, 14 September 2010 @ 12:32pm

  316. 316: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    katarina, what’s up with your husband? where’s he at these days?

    Tuesday, 14 September 2010 @ 12:32pm

  317. 317: Katarina PhangNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks, Dorothea for channelling my deepest thought :). But I didn’t want to sound like hers truly so I kept it to myself.

    Tuesday, 14 September 2010 @ 12:33pm

  318. 318: Katarina PhangNo Gravatar says:

    Dorothea, my husband is busy juggling so much. So he’s in his cave most of the time. And I lean back as much as I could. I don’t call anymore. He will have to do that.

    In fact I don’t care that much anymore. I have too many adoring men to be concerned.

    A girl gotta do what she gotta do to stay centered. Dating has helped a lot.

    Tuesday, 14 September 2010 @ 12:35pm

  319. 319: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    I feel so happy to hear you are dating and worrying about your own happiness and centeredness. Life is way too short to let romantic circumstances dictate the quality of our experience on the planet, isn’t it?

    Tuesday, 14 September 2010 @ 12:38pm

  320. 320: Katarina PhangNo Gravatar says:

    Yes, Dorothea, exactly. You take care your own needs first and take the pressure off him.

    I’m a bit apprehensive though, what if SG and I fell madly in love after our weekend together? It made me cry last night just thinking about it. How am I going to handle this: having to choose between the man of my past or my future to whom I’m equally attracted to? I’m going to break someone’s heart and that feels icky to me.

    Can a woman be in love with two men at the same time?

    Whoa…what a “great” dilemma that would make. I guess, I’d need Rori’s advice in time: how to handle two guys you equally love when both are wanting you.

    Okay, back in the moment….don’t get ahead of yourself, Katarina.

    Tuesday, 14 September 2010 @ 12:44pm

  321. 321: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    I feel so grateful and relieved. I came VERY close to allowing a man to come to my house — and it turns out he probably would’ve become a stalker and very scary! I am so glad he doesn’t know where I live. I feel glad God protected me. I feel glad I trusted my uncomfortable feelings enough to hold back. I feel bad that he is now saying bad things about me. But so glad to know his true colors now rather than later!

    Tuesday, 14 September 2010 @ 12:47pm

  322. 322: Erika AwakeningNo Gravatar says:

    Ewwww … feels catty, Kat :p

    Tuesday, 14 September 2010 @ 12:48pm

  323. 323: Katarina PhangNo Gravatar says:

    Mirror…mirror on the wall, Erika? 😉

    Tuesday, 14 September 2010 @ 12:51pm

  324. 324: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    i will battle erika until the end of time. it is so epic. we are giant she-nephilim on our own tiny petit prince-like planets, rising miles above the dirty into outer space. We wear galaxies for hats and chuck young stars at each other.

    saying ewwww to someone is pretty freakin rude, isn’t it?

    Tuesday, 14 September 2010 @ 1:02pm

  325. 325: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    *miles above the dirt into outer space

    Tuesday, 14 September 2010 @ 1:09pm

  326. 326: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    I’m not jumping into the fray, but I just have to tell you, Dorothea, I felt electrified and delighted by the poetry!

    Tuesday, 14 September 2010 @ 1:09pm

  327. 327: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    I like “dirty” better! It works as a noun, like “the good, the bad and the ugly” :)

    Tuesday, 14 September 2010 @ 1:12pm

  328. 328: Katarina PhangNo Gravatar says:

    Okay, I’m trying to lean back today by not initiating text messages to SG -and call to my cop CD who now wants to resist the temptation and be a “good man”.

    Time for lunch and focus on my writing again.

    Dorothea, love your witty repartee and your no-nonsense approach.

    Tuesday, 14 September 2010 @ 1:13pm

  329. 329: AmberSNo Gravatar says:


    How are you doing today?

    Tuesday, 14 September 2010 @ 1:19pm

  330. 330: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks so much Lucy! I always feel this objective sense of respect from you towards me, even when we don’t agree or we’re challenging each other in some other way. It feels amazing to contemplate this. Thank you!

    Tuesday, 14 September 2010 @ 1:19pm

  331. 331: Apple JacksNo Gravatar says:

    *Giggle* Thanks for the heads up Jacqueline.

    Dorothea, you are awesome! 😉

    Tuesday, 14 September 2010 @ 1:24pm

  332. 332: AmberSNo Gravatar says:


    Thank you for the reframe :) I am feeling my way through this, but also thinking my way through it. It would be easy to distract myself (via sex, for starters- am I the only woman who does this!?!?!) and just let things progress as they have been.
    I want to go forward being fully conscious. I want to be my very best me. And I’m giving myself permission to feel all of this, and yet be strong enough to let it go, if that turns out to be the right choice. I love him too much to stay on a temporary basis knowing he wants forever, and I love me too much to make the forever commitment without knowing I will honor it.

    I sent him what I posted here. We’ll talk about it when we’re together next week. In the meantime we’ll just continue to be wildly, passionately, crazy in love with each other.

    Tuesday, 14 September 2010 @ 1:34pm

  333. 333: AmberSNo Gravatar says:

    I am really excited/nervous/scared/ecstatic about going deeper with him. I believe we are capable of growing and deepening and becoming ultimate.

    I don’t get to make that choice for him. I will love him either way, but I’m going to keep growing. This may or may not be with him.

    I love how amazing and limitless the future is. I love how free I feel letting go of my fear and my desire to control, my need for any certain outcome…

    Tuesday, 14 September 2010 @ 1:52pm

  334. 334: tinqueNo Gravatar says:

    This is so awesome Amber…YAY!!!

    Tuesday, 14 September 2010 @ 1:54pm

  335. 335: BarbinOzNo Gravatar says:

    #288 Lucy

    No I didn’t feel offended or pressured by Erika’s invitation. I will try but I am not sure of the time zone thing just yet. And honestly I am the type of person if I don’t want to do something………well I just don’t do it!!

    Tuesday, 14 September 2010 @ 1:58pm

  336. 336: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Katarina! You are funny, woman! LOLOLOLOL! Nah, I’m not a horn dog…I’m a sensual, passionate mermaid! And, yes, altho I love sexxx, I am saving it for marriage this time…

    Tinque, RE: #282 – Beautifully said! I tend to be more quiet, and sometimes I like to just say my man’s name. Or sometimes I like to be silent and imagine being an ocean cave, with the tide rushing in…and then becuming one with my man. When I was with Ryan, and more in love than I’ve ever been, I spontaneously said to myself, “It’s HIM!”

    Simple kissing and caressing was never so arousing to me, simply because I was truly in love with him.

    Tuesday, 14 September 2010 @ 2:11pm

  337. 337: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Katarina, RE: #289 – KATARINA!!! BEHAVE!!!! LOL!

    Tuesday, 14 September 2010 @ 2:14pm

  338. 338: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    KATARINA!!!!!! Re: #300 – “See how much noble willingness to educate us Brenda has and she needs a masculine role in the act…”


    Tuesday, 14 September 2010 @ 2:18pm

  339. 339: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Dorothea, RE: #308 – That is a beautiful post, from beginning to end! Wow!

    Tuesday, 14 September 2010 @ 2:21pm

  340. 340: Katarina PhangNo Gravatar says:

    Brenda, you started it, girl…with the head, doggie style and whatnot…you hussy bitch (instead of horn dog). 😀

    Tuesday, 14 September 2010 @ 2:21pm

  341. 341: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    I thot Tinque was the hussy bitch. I don’t get to be a sensual, passionate mermaid? :-) Shucks! Oh, I was trying to hide it that my horns hold up my halo!

    Tuesday, 14 September 2010 @ 2:27pm

  342. 342: tinqueNo Gravatar says:

    Nope Bren, hussy slut. Big difference. And a horn dog and/or hussy slut can very easily be a sensuous, passionate mermaid too.
    I have the mermaid fingernails to prove it.

    Tuesday, 14 September 2010 @ 2:41pm

  343. 343: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    What do mermaid fingernails look like? Ocean blue? That’s Lucy’s favorite!

    Tuesday, 14 September 2010 @ 2:43pm

  344. 344: tinqueNo Gravatar says:

    yeah kind of like ocean blue with a bit of sparkly in it.

    Tuesday, 14 September 2010 @ 2:44pm

  345. 345: LizzieNo Gravatar says:

    Hi there sirens – I didn’t sleep much last night, never the less I feel strangly at peace. Thank you so much for asking.

    I am happy about the significant emotional reaction because I had no idea I was holding that pain within myself. And to be able to identify it at the core – fear. OMG!

    Tuesday, 14 September 2010 @ 3:49pm

  346. 346: LizzieNo Gravatar says:

    Anyone ever dated a Cancer-man?
    I am reading up on them – I always got along well with Cancer men – I am Scorpio. Interestingly, it pretty much says on all their love style profiles that the woman virtually has to bang them on the head and drag them into the cave and claim them as their own. Pretty opposite to Rori’s rules.

    Another thing – I joing eH about 4 weeks ago. I have been matched with about 50 new men since then. The ONLY guy who contacted me lives in the USA – now really, as if that is going to work….

    Anyway, so much for men looking for women….

    Tuesday, 14 September 2010 @ 3:52pm

  347. 347: VulpineNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks so much Tinque, I understand completely about looking for the love in what he is DOING, versus the words. I’m talking more about the fear of getting involved sexually too soon, before I am sure how over the moon he is, or having him suddenly get distant (as they can sometimes do).

    It’s so fascinating how many different choices there are, as far as getting sexual early on versus waiting. I have gone both ways in the past and I think in the future I will be on the slower track. Sex can be a shortcut to intimacy but it can also give you the ILLUSION of intimacy before you really get to know someone deeply. At least, that’s been my experience.

    PS: Put me in the hussy mermaid column please, but no “bitch”, please. I prefer to be called “particular”.

    Tuesday, 14 September 2010 @ 4:15pm

  348. 348: NikitaNo Gravatar says:


    Cancer is a feminine sign. If/when they pursue the idea is they do it sideways, the way a crab walks to his destination.
    If you like cancers and you’re a Scorpio I say do it. Scorpio women are notoriously masculine(on the inside) but appear to be super sweet vulnerable gooey feminine……
    You might get a kick out of Mirror of Aphrodite blog….if you google those it should come up easily and once there she’s written on the zodiac -men and women being separate. The scorpio female article is very interesting…… (I was raised by a clan of scorpions:)
    Disclaimer: astrology is full of limiting beliefs but very stimulating archetypes. I like what Abraham hicks says about the zodiac…..however……I squirm around cancer men :)
    I like bulls myself….amongst other things.

    Tuesday, 14 September 2010 @ 5:18pm

  349. 349: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    And there are other planets at work in everyone’s chart so there may be the odd crab who is super assertive because of his mars……blah,blah,blah…..I’m going to stop now …. 😉

    Tuesday, 14 September 2010 @ 5:21pm

  350. 350: JacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    Hi, Nikita….so I’m Capricorn but with a scorpio moon sign and no one alive ever believes I’m Capricorn…lol….they all think I’m Scorpio – whoo hoooo hot sex Lizzie! What do you think about moon signs??


    Tuesday, 14 September 2010 @ 5:49pm

  351. 351: JacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Everyone!!!! just posted on Reiki distance healing and energy exchange(s)….and put a different picture – anyone???? out there…..wanna tell me what they think?!!!! please and thank you!


    Tuesday, 14 September 2010 @ 5:50pm

  352. 352: JacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    oooh, and I was gonna get picked up for a prof. blog site but they blew me off when I would not give them sole content rights – I said I had to be able to post what I wrote on my own site.



    Tuesday, 14 September 2010 @ 5:51pm

  353. 353: LizzieNo Gravatar says:

    thanks Nikita – that is quite helpful. Family Guy is a cancer and very busy. I give him a ton of space at the same time, if I send him a little smile or how is life little note, he seems to respond by asking me out or something to that effect. I haven’t come out directly and asked to get together other than to play golf. Another of my male buddies is a Cancer and he loves to be called up by a lady – although he does have a very clear distinction about what is a call for a date and what is needy. He hates needy! And Family Guy is the 50% dad of his girls – one of whom is completely disabled. Another thing I find interesting is his interest in my kids – if they are in pain, he want to know all is fine. And tender – wow! I really love it.

    Taurus – oh yeah – incredibly physical type! the two that I had dated had incredible stamina. They also tend to really lock-on to their view of the world – tough to move them once they are locked.

    Tuesday, 14 September 2010 @ 5:52pm

  354. 354: LizzieNo Gravatar says:

    Yup – I have had great relationships with Cancer, Taurus, Capricorn. I also seem to attract Aries – had numerous relationsips with Aries but they can be real airheads. I can walk away totally bewildered. too funny. I don’t do well with Aquarius generally – ok as girlfriends but not the men – too much water I think.

    Tuesday, 14 September 2010 @ 5:56pm

  355. 355: LizzieNo Gravatar says:

    Jacqueline – you need to be able to keep ownership of your stuff. Always and forever.

    Tuesday, 14 September 2010 @ 5:57pm

  356. 356: Erika AwakeningNo Gravatar says:


    Yes, I felt the humor. I actually feel touched that my “veiled anger” comments from a few posts back resonated enough to continue to be used now …

    And I tell ya, I did the same thing with a guy where communication was totally blocked … I called out the veiled anger, and things are starting to open up …

    And, wow, I have my first evening off in a long time … and intuition says … send a few emails and then rest … so probably more meditation for me.

    Jacqueline, I feel touched that you felt heard. I feel touched that it sounded like I was missed here when I got busy, at least by some people. Lol 😉


    Tuesday, 14 September 2010 @ 6:01pm

  357. 357: NikitaNo Gravatar says:


    I checked the blog and it seems they’ve gone poof :(

    Her site takes so long to load so I don’t know if they’re posted anywhere else but I guess it’s not meant to be…..

    Tuesday, 14 September 2010 @ 6:03pm

  358. 358: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    Lizzie… Lol

    Taurus and the old locked and loaded m.o.
    I try to sidestep that part of the bull ( but my Venus is in cancer so….) I feel a little chatty and curious about how connected my libido is to food and chivalry….. I’d guess it’s the cancerian in me…… Sweetums just mixed up some hot sauce and feta dressing…. I was all over his plate…. Stealing pieces of chicken and dipping them….. And then I started rubbing my leg on his chair!!!! This is such a theme in my life………and if a man I like feeds me….omg!!!!! I melt at the table…… Feed me cheese a cheese plate or a scrumptious desert and it’s very possible I turn into the kissy monster. I LOVE being fed…… And kissing a man during dinner….. After the first bite if it’s good…..I lean way over the table to get my kiss :)
    I actually feel super aroused!
    Soooooooo…… Are you feeding family guy? 😉

    Tuesday, 14 September 2010 @ 6:34pm

  359. 359: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    I don’t mean cooking for him….I mean sharing your dish….and spoon feeding….. Plus I like sitting next to my date…..across the table is ok but if I’m next to…’s that sideways thing again…. I feel more secure and connected….like “team us”

    Tuesday, 14 September 2010 @ 6:36pm

  360. 360: LizzieNo Gravatar says:

    OH Nikita – he fed me!
    On our second date, he ordered every appetizer on the menu. We had this huge table of delictables and he cut stuff up and fed it to me. On our 4th date after playing golf – he was to make dinner for me. He said he was marinating steaks – and I told him sadly I don’t eat red meat, but that it was ok I would nibble and eat all the other stuff. Not got for him! He stopped at 2 grocery stores on the way back to his place to find just the right bit of Salmon – and then cooked everything just perfectly. And he kept kissing me all through dinner – I thought that was so cute!

    Soooo…. I am guessing food is an important thing for you cancer types? My other man friend just loved looking after me as well.

    Tuesday, 14 September 2010 @ 6:40pm

  361. 361: LizzieNo Gravatar says:

    OH yeah! he was busy dragging his chair around to sit right beside me.

    Tuesday, 14 September 2010 @ 6:41pm

  362. 362: LizzieNo Gravatar says:

    and massage!

    Tuesday, 14 September 2010 @ 6:42pm

  363. 363: LizzieNo Gravatar says:

    I needed to borrow tools so I offered a massage – well, he couldn’t get here fast enough – too funny. He just loved it!!! I have a massage table – he couldn’t believe it – said I was amazing. I know, I took a course and had a really good instructor. Before the massage, we talked about how we felt massage was more intimate than sex in many ways and that it was important that the feeling of connection was there so that it could be spiritually fulfilling for me as well.

    So now I am wondering if I seem to be ok with this guy – I don’t get to see him very often.

    Tuesday, 14 September 2010 @ 6:45pm

  364. 364: AmberSNo Gravatar says:

    Erika just wishes there were two of her because she’s poly-curious. Bah!

    Reiki… is… AMAZING.

    I’m just stopping by to change clothes & head out for my walk.

    Things are moving… shifting… leaving…

    Jacqueline- Scorpio Moon. Okay- that explains a lot. Me too 😉 What’s your rising?

    Lizzie- You sound great today (and your posts feel good to read, too). My guy and the guy before him? Both Cancers. Just don’t put me in the same room with a Pisces man. One of us will leave in a body bag. Three guesses which one.

    I dated a guy once who shared my sun/moon/rising and it was beyond freaky into twilight zone. Same EVERYTHING, right down to brands of toothpaste and flatware pattern. And he lived in a house that was the same design as mine, 100+ miles from mine, built in 1919. In Paso Robles, actually. Hrm. I wonder if Erika knows him…

    It got boring because we never had to speak. Never argued. Made for smokin’ hot sex, but sooner or later you get tired of looking in the mirror…

    Tuesday, 14 September 2010 @ 6:46pm

  365. 365: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Jlina :)

    I just saw your post…..moon signs are very linked to how we do relationships…….moon in Scorpio would be an intense placement……very emotional….and when angered possibly very destructive …….. I could see the moon eclipsing your cap sun….. But cap rules corporations and I see you as a very enterprising woman…… I’m going to go explore this reiki post you’ve spoken of..

    Tuesday, 14 September 2010 @ 6:47pm

  366. 366: JacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you Nikita!
    ..hugs to our intrepid brave Amber!

    and you know in the spirit of total integration I’m just gonna quit holding out on my all the way live/wild nickname and get Ms. Rori to change it…

    waves at Lucy!

    ps – the stalker thing was scary story, I kind of felt vulnerable like that when my computer crashed – not as bad, but I get it! I was scared to death to let a man know I lived in a house alone! but I moved here in part because the police show up in like 2 minutes….hoooray! and I had a gun….so once or twice I took the plunge. But I feel you on the very scary part! sorry….

    Tuesday, 14 September 2010 @ 6:51pm

  367. 367: JacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    ps…Erika I wrote you wishing you luck with all the stress that even fab. change brings, and yes, I am glad to hear you here sounding connected again. That’s great! I also wanted to tell you I got EFT down under Steve Well’s program and he works with the founder of EFT – have you heard of him? What do you think? Amazing website!

    I shall be a new siren/goddess/diva soon….


    Tuesday, 14 September 2010 @ 6:54pm

  368. 368: JlinaNo Gravatar says:

    name change….Rori get me out of moderation???
    and hugs to you – you all – have you posted on my author’s thread about Rori on Amazon???? Very cool! Congrats to Rori and a bottle of….well, what would Rori drink? lol….


    Tuesday, 14 September 2010 @ 6:55pm

  369. 369: JlinaNo Gravatar says:

    ahem…well, it was anticipated???? it went right on through! so yall, really, lets support Rori on Amazon – just find new book, look for author’s page and I started a thread….

    and a movement called the Thank you Rori movement!!!

    Tuesday, 14 September 2010 @ 6:57pm

  370. 370: NikitaNo Gravatar says:


    I love feeding my men(lovers)…..I would sit with moon eyes watching them eat…..entranced….. Just feeling good….feeling my head fill up with some happy horny adoration chemicals or something….and if you don’t eat!!!!!! Be prepared for hell! I dumped two guys for not eating with me(cd’s) …. I felt furious! And lost interest in them…. But that’s what keeps me into the Taurus man…they are all about food!!! I love it!!!!! I can spend hours shopping for food it’s like foreplay for me. I am not surprised he got salmon for you……. I would’ve shelved the steak idea gladly for a lover…. I just love the idea of my partner enjoying their food. I cannot stress this enough!! I like shoving food in their mouth and then sealing it with a kiss…..rinse and repeat :)
    And then a bath!!!!! And a massage….. And a little fruit bedside …..whoa…… Sigh…..
    Cancers do have shells……. And rubbing that muscle is great……they’re feelers. My bull cares not for massages but I give great ones :)

    Tuesday, 14 September 2010 @ 6:59pm

  371. 371: LizzieNo Gravatar says:

    Nikita I have such a goddess image of you feeding your man…so lovely!

    I know my cancer guy LOVES food and LOVES massages! And he is by far the tenderest most careing lover I have ever had in my life. I actually told him that – and he just stands in the doorway grinning from ear to ear.

    So why isn’t he sending me messages !!!????

    Tuesday, 14 September 2010 @ 7:15pm

  372. 372: LizzieNo Gravatar says:

    Yeah, yeah he is a feeler. I asked how he knew what his daughter needed or that she is happy. He said “oh, I just have a feeling”

    Tuesday, 14 September 2010 @ 7:16pm

  373. 373: LizzieNo Gravatar says:

    And those bulls, they want full body contact! too funny, completely wrapped around you just incredible. On the golf course he would just walk up behind me and breathe down the back of my neck – I could feel it that he wanted me right there, in the middle of the fairway – oh he would make me laugh. The my cancer guy started to do the same thing – I wonder if it has something to do with being outside….

    Tuesday, 14 September 2010 @ 7:19pm

  374. 374: NikitaNo Gravatar says:


    “Why isn’t he sending me messages”

    I don’t know but feeling crabby comes to mind……my cancer friends know I have a joke about them vanishing into their crab cave….they need that me time…..they reflect, pout, veg out, eat ice-cream, hang out in the park…..etc. But as a scorp don’t you need your “space too” :)

    Whenever he pokes his head out of the sand I’d just mention how good this peach feels bursting in my mouth! Mwuah-ha-haaaaa lol!!!

    Tuesday, 14 September 2010 @ 7:28pm

  375. 375: LizzieNo Gravatar says:

    Actually – my other man-friend would get into incredible funks – and this guy probably does the same. The last time I saw him, his ex had come back looking for more money. I know crabs have a BIG issue just giving over money to someone demanding it. He was very frustrated by it, and he is run off his feet at work. Alright, I will just give it lots of space. Ha – when I posted a bit about his current situation earlier in the week, Johnathon said to RUN!!!! that is usually what I get from people. But I think he is a good guy. I have a pretty demanding life anyway. And I haven’t stopped CDing either.

    Tuesday, 14 September 2010 @ 7:37pm

  376. 376: LizzieNo Gravatar says:

    Interesting observation Nikita – I often really want to just go do my own thing all by myself. Sometimes I just really really like the idea that I really want to see someone. It isn’t uncommon for me to organize an event and actually not show up – by the time I have it all organized, I don’t think I am needed any more – afterall I will have brought all these interesting people together so they already know what to do. It is really an oddity about me.

    Tuesday, 14 September 2010 @ 7:40pm

  377. 377: LizzieNo Gravatar says:

    your insights have been really helpful – thanks Nikita

    Tuesday, 14 September 2010 @ 7:43pm

  378. 378: RagnellNo Gravatar says:

    Really? Has no one identified how tiranizing Rori Raye’s formula is? Take any email. First, she illustrates something that is perfectly normal and healthy to do. The formula goes like this: [YOUR NAME], have you ever [DONE SOMETHING EVERYONE DOES AND THAT IS MOSTLY IRRELEVANT IN ANY OTHER CONTEXT]? Rori will then state that as the reason why you are not getting any love. It does not matter if you are in a healthy relationship, getting love, and on your natural way to commitment; Rori’s writing will force you to spot a problem where there is none. Then, some action you do is turned into a negative thing; it’s pushing away what you want, you shouldn’t be doing that, that’s why he doesn’t love you, that’s why you’re not being a modern siren, that’s why you’re not getting the realtionship you want.

    Rori does not care if what you’re doing or being is precisely the trait that the man in question loves in you. Rori does not know the man.

    Then, she threatens you that you’ll never find love (even when you are loved), that you’ll never be adored (even when you are!), and that he will never commit (even if you’re both on the natural path of deciding whether or not to be exclusive). She promises that you will, but only if you buy her products.

    Now, the lessons being sold are contradictory. Why? Because she has to convince you that, whatever you do, even if you follow the program, is wrong. That way she can sell you another program to correct it. And when you follow that advice, you’ll feel more alienated and your true personality (that which your man loves) is replaced by a “Siren mentality”. Your womanhood, everything that you are, is replaced with a “Girl energy”.

    The “advice” is designed to put you on guard: Should I do this? Will this get me the relationship I want? Am I doing something wrong according to Rori? Or that? Oh, I’m an idiot, I can’t decide, I better ask Rori… And that’s not healthy.

    Tuesday, 14 September 2010 @ 8:20pm

  379. 379: RagnellNo Gravatar says:

    I did the squeaky voice exercise when it was posted. But, you know? I do not like the description of my voice as “squeaky”. These are my thoughts and I am voicing them. You may perceive my voice in any way, but I am not allowing Rori or anyone in her blog to belittle it by describing it as “squeaky”.

    Tuesday, 14 September 2010 @ 8:26pm

  380. 380: RagnellNo Gravatar says:


    I feel bad because Rori is feeding the emotional abuse, writing things like, and I quote

    He may LIKE it. He may go along with it. He
    may be flattered. He may have no one else around
    and so he’ll date you. He may even come to like
    you very much. You may even end up in a
    relationship with him.

    But, you will never know how he really feels
    about you.

    As long as YOU’RE the one running the show,
    he may follow, but he’ll never feel inspired.

    And, you will never feel adored.

    This is the point where you will find yourself
    up late at night crying and wondering why he
    doesn’t want to commit to you.


    Basically, she’s saying you may have the relationship you want, but unless you get the program to be a modern siren, you’re not allowed to enjoy it.
    This is Bullshit.

    Tuesday, 14 September 2010 @ 8:36pm

  381. 381: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Ragnell – for me, compared to other coaches’ e-letters, Christian Carter’s in particular, Rori’s has a lot less “sell to me” and a lot more… heres an actual NEW free thing to try to help you .

    Reading Christian Carter’s i felt scared and hopeless, and I feel empathy with you on this, imagining you feeling much the same way about Rori’s.

    For me, Rori’s e-letters – free, were what i looked forward to every morning when i felt like there was nothing else in my life to make me smile. it was my only excitement and life line of sanity.

    i really feel a lot better about myself now and wiser and more attractive than before using her stuff.

    Tuesday, 14 September 2010 @ 8:37pm

  382. 382: RagnellNo Gravatar says:


    I used to receive Christian Carter’s too. Until one day I replied critically to one and I didn’t get any more. You are right, I feel the same way. Maybe with Rori it took me longer. Have you read Doc Love’s answer column in What this guy does is belittle the men who ask him for advice because they don’t follow his system. Rori didn’t do that for a long time, but now it feels like she is using the same formula: making us feel like we’re not worthy and we’re doing things wrong unless we do things exactly as she says.

    Tuesday, 14 September 2010 @ 8:42pm

  383. 383: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i read a whole different conclusion that you Ragnell.

    To me what she says (and when i started reading her materials, some of those things triggered me and felt bad, and i didnt understand what she was referring to)

    is that

    if WE are the ones taking the LEAD in the relationship,

    we may be IN the relationship,

    but we’re not gonna feel Adored. By our guy. Cuz what women want, (and i didn’t even know i wanted this because I hadn’t realized WHAT i wanted because i was so busy running dramatic patterns and fighting wiht my men) …
    is for their men to show them they love her… and compliment her, and treat her nice, and special, and HIM take the lead.

    And when I for example take the lead, like I did in my current CD situation, I’ll find myself up crying at night, like i jsut did last night, because I realized I had gotten hecka close to a guy who doesn’t even have the same view on kissing and i do, and that wouldn’t have happened if i hadn’t taken the lead, and instead let him pursue me, i would’ve found out early that we have different views on important issues and I wouldn’t have felt my heart breaking last night because

    I pursued a relationship, and then tried to hand him the reins and say, ok now YOU lead,

    which I always do when I actually fall in love, because im a woman and thats what we do, we want him to lead,

    and we’ll even lead up to a point where we suddenly expect him to lead because

    well… we’re here in the relationship Now right.

    and it’s different than if HE had brought us to that level of closeness… instead of us having done the work.

    now he is not used to having the reins. he may not even want them, and i wouldnt know if i had them from the beginning.

    You don’t NEED Modern siren, or any Rori program, to learn to let the man lead. You Do need to learn to let a man lead, if you want to feel adored by him (this happens when he leads, and you like it)

    Rori’s program is great for learning it, for me. But its only one way.

    Tuesday, 14 September 2010 @ 8:45pm

  384. 384: JlinaNo Gravatar says:

    Hi, Daria – how was you magic man???

    Hi, Ragnell….I’m glad to see you back, felt weird for you just to leave, so I’ll gladly listen to what you want to share!

    Tuesday, 14 September 2010 @ 8:52pm

  385. 385: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    By leading a woman may have A relationship with a man, but its NOT going to be the relationship she wants.

    Because what a feminine woman wants is a man who Leads the relationship. We want the guy to Like us. We want him to kiss us, we want him to want to have sex with us.

    We want him to want to put his thang inside us.

    We don’t want to be pressuring him to admit we’re boyfriend and girlfriend, because we spend time together and have sex.

    we dont want to have to convince him to kiss us – at least i dont hallelujah to last nite


    i want a man who leads!

    Ragnell, it seems you’re just triggered.

    I trust Rori 100%, she’s definitely not trying a scare tactic or feeding us bullsh*it.

    Her program has raised my self esteem A LOT. and made me so much better at feeling happy, i was really depressed, lost, this wasnt’ even ABOUT relationship. im tlaking life.

    relationship ? iw as casing a man who wanted me as a friend and alife long mistress for the future tho he wasnt even married yet!

    and then now he hasnt even called me when i stopeed going to his house

    how could i have had that man as a husband in that type of situation

    i wasnt even able to evision having a relationship and family.

    all my lovers were either abusive/fighting or friend/non-boyfriend.


    its not like that now

    at all.

    everything makes sense, trust it! but not necessarily AT FIRST!

    at first I didn’t get 99% of it.

    i was like huh be feminine? but i am like a boy, thats my trademark

    i just tried one thing at a time, and got hooked and fascinated

    its so much stuff, and i can use it for myself, not just the way rori may have thought of

    if anythin on this blog I’m the one who gets accused of getting mad at people for not doing things the way Rori describes

    but she never does that, shes great at compassion

    just keep trying tools! i love how you’re speaking out clearly about how you’re feeling!

    the thing is, you already naturally are doing a lot of the stuff Rori teaches and don’t even know it

    much more than I was when i first found her works

    Tuesday, 14 September 2010 @ 8:55pm

  386. 386: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    rori teaches – self empowerment, and having waht you want the way you want it

    if a thought even feels bad , dont believe it.

    shes all about having EVERYTHING you ever wanted with not a drop of feel bad.

    but also loving the feel bad parts.

    and masculine feminine attraction and romance stuff.

    and being treated WELL as woman as the baseline of the relationship

    shes really all about making us feel GOOD, and she doesnt restrict us to using her stuff or HAving to do things a certain way

    she encourages experimenting, to try a diff way, but to pay attention how we FEEL as we do so, so that we learn, not doing it unconsciously

    Tuesday, 14 September 2010 @ 8:57pm

  387. 387: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    the thing about the relationship we WANT, is its not about being in A (sucky, bad feeling) relationship with a certain man

    its about having a loving, wonderful feeling relationship with __ A wonderful man___.

    So a woman clinging to a relationship with a guy shes gaga for, is not really having the relationship she wants if its not a loving, fulfilling relationship.

    And if shes the one chasing him down, and making most of teh romantic moves, shes probably not gonna feel like he’s as crazy for her, and the relationship is not gonna feel as fulfilling – not the relationship she wants.

    Rori’s not the only on to figure this out… but her stuff helped me out of all the other stuff out there

    Tuesday, 14 September 2010 @ 9:03pm

  388. 388: JlinaNo Gravatar says:

    Ragnell, I have a friend who has been using the tools since January and is having very little results with them, she’s going to write about it on my blog soon.

    But, why are you so angry? Do you feel betrayed? Do you just have a different outlook? Is there a message out there that you like better?

    and a lot – maybe most of these letters are written with NLP – neurolinguistic programming in them, so they sound the same, they are scripted the same…and CC’s tell you nothing at all….Rori at least explains some of her stuff. So, I don’t think it is HER formula, from what I understand it is THE formula for the letters from all of the sales sites.

    Still, mostly, I feel like something has really upset you – I hope you can share it or get some resolution and get to a better feeling place!


    Tuesday, 14 September 2010 @ 9:04pm

  389. 389: AmberSNo Gravatar says:


    Thank you. You are amazing. I feel fluid. So much is breaking loose and flowing away.

    Thank you, thank you, thank you.


    Tuesday, 14 September 2010 @ 9:34pm

  390. 390: JacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    Sweet dreams & angels… on your pillow Amber….and thank you for being a part of my life!

    Night, all….

    Tuesday, 14 September 2010 @ 9:48pm

  391. 391: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    I’ve been on a Cd all day. A tool i’ve been using is, is this the behavior I want (from a man i am opening up to romantically)… when i would feel overwhelmed by his newness, kissing, wanting to be around me all day, …

    i was like, oh man i gotta go, i cant give him that much time

    but he wanted more time, and i felt overwhelmed

    then moved my focus back to receiving

    then felt good

    kept receiving

    feeling good

    i can feel good with a man around me,

    even when i feel frazzeled in the kitchen, and hes sitting there watching me

    i can feel safe

    i feel impressed at myself and my ability to make this feel like a day in the wonderful relationship for him…

    (my guess. he said he feels like he’s known me forever)

    and for me, staying in that calm peaceful place when my anxieties and “fears of man” surface

    letting go of judgement about his big nose cuz my gf said he wasnt cute

    but he is

    and i can relax around everything and just always be Receiving

    feels so soft

    and i felt kissed


    i was shutting out the kiss and i remembered… that this is how i want to be treated… and just feel it

    and then it felt good just a lil bit

    and i felt so soft amazing goddess like veils flowing

    Tuesday, 14 September 2010 @ 10:57pm

  392. 392: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    now im cooking chicken and he bought me onions.

    i kept noticing my feeling unworthy of being in his presence because im cooking, doing an activity and not entertaining him, the fear that he will get bored, unworthy of being ok, and attractive, even while im doing my daily activity, while im busy

    fear fear

    tat i have to pay attention to him, turn around and see that he’s ok, doing ok, is he gonna be bored? is he thinking ‘man this bi*tch ignoring me, wtf bi*tch”


    that felt bad and realized its ok to be receiving, its ok to be me, feel the fear, gulping my tummy sometimes, and silence, be silent with my fear that gulps my tummy because theres a man around while im feeling Anxious and washing dishes and my hands are dirty and thats not quite sexy is it


    felt scary felt gentle felt awesome felt cool

    hes gonna try to get his moms car to come back cuz he had to give up this car right now

    i told him i didnt want thim to stay over night and then get picked up.

    i feel a lil afraid, like im so relaxed and receiving with him that its like we’re together in a relationship, and close, and well,

    i feel scared

    i just met him

    i feel like this with all my men

    and i feel afraid that im leading him on to think that we are in a relationship by being as awesome and attractive and attentive and open to him as i am being

    like he may think im Really into him

    and im still not sure. that i want to sleep wtih him. i think he’s handsome and i feel good when he kisses me,

    i feel afraid and unsure about sex

    i dont want to have sex

    i feel afraid im not gonna want to have sex with him in the future and im gonna hurt his feelings, because now he really likes me because i’ve been so nice to him

    but i do like the way i feel opening up to him. and he is handsome and i like his body, and i Could have sex with him,

    but i dont know if i like his mind yet. i judge him a lot. but i also am feeling pretty good with him.

    i feel afraid

    i love my feelings

    i feel like i Owe him (what? -) my undying affection right now because I’ve been being nice to him


    this feels confusing and is the strangest feeling in my body with squeezing pouty lips, and thigh hotness…
    i love my feelings

    logicaly i shouldnt owe him becasue im nice to him. he should owe me.

    and he does. h
    hes giving me attention and caring

    it feels nice

    i feel unsure whtehter to have sex with him and im guessing that he wants to later tonite

    i feel afraid

    Tuesday, 14 September 2010 @ 11:05pm

  393. 393: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    OHHHH.. i DO want a massage! YES!!!

    Tuesday, 14 September 2010 @ 11:08pm

  394. 394: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    “that slutty lil girl, you know shes gonna give it up”

    “not i says the cat”

    both of yall ! hey! i can stop whenever i want to. and i can do it if it feels good.

    its ALL good. and thank you for loving me. and sorry for yelling at you, can you help me deliver my message in a way that feels better next time? thank you! will you help me be more whole? right on

    love yall. and im in charge, and im going for growing bigger and happier to have more compassion to share with you and with the world

    i embrace you and i wont abandon you, i promise.

    thank you for being here with me and for me all this time. yay. now you are free to play and help me in ways that feel really good! and remind me how much i’ve changed in ways that feel really good! and feel Really really good!

    like starting to make music on an everyday level.. yeah!

    we are family! i got all my sister voices with me! yeahy

    Tuesday, 14 September 2010 @ 11:11pm

  395. 395: VulpineNo Gravatar says:

    Daria and Ragnell, I agree about Christian Carter’s emails. I’d read and read and be like GET to the thing you are promising you are going to talk about! but he never did. Plus there’s something condescending in them that was a trigger for me. Rori at least gives tools in her newsletters and provides this blog.

    … and Daria, I totally feel you about being unsure whether to get sexual or not. But you don’t owe him anything. What did someone say the other day? “I am a freakin gift to be with!” and just your presence is enough of an offering to him, if you genuinely feel muddled.

    Tuesday, 14 September 2010 @ 11:57pm

  396. 396: girlNo Gravatar says:

    Ragnell, maybe there are some types of relationship hang ups that aren’t really Rori’s area of expertise that you need help with, and you feel frustrated that you aren’t finding it here??

    I feel that a little – I feel frustrated that the issue of what to do with my own resistance to commitment isn’t really addressed by Rori. Evan Mark Katz does address this problem – he basically says that we ought to think twice before dumping a really nice committed guy, because the sexy alpha male we go weak in the knees for is most likely a playa. But then, I think that he doesn’t understand the feelings that I have for the nice committed guy. That my heart doesn’t GET what my head knows, and how awful it feels to be in such conflict. So, maybe the truth is that these experts don’t have all the answers. They can give us tips for how to avoid heart brake, and they can share tools to be our most authentic selves when we feel uncomfortable, but ultimately we choose our own paths, and nobody can say for sure what’s best. And that does kinda suck. But I don’t blame them for offering the best that they’ve got, and for trying to be compensated for whatever value they do add to our lives. And I have learned a lot from Rori. And I do benefit very much from this blog. I feel like the money I’ve invested in Rori’s program is really nothing compared to what I’ve gained.

    Wednesday, 15 September 2010 @ 12:25am

  397. 397: girlNo Gravatar says:

    D did take the job in Boston (before I told him that I wasn’t 100% sure about us, he was planning to turn it down so we could continue to be together). I feel very good that i separated from him while he made this decision. Cause, basically I don’t feel willing to give up my life to move to Boston, and I don’t feel good keeping him here. I think maybe one reason I felt unwilling/unable to connect to him sexually is that I wanted him to make the choice to go. Tonight he said “I just don’t know what you’re thinking…I don’t know how you can just walk away from a guy like me.” I know it’s kind of arrogant, but I actually like that about him. And he’s right – he really is wonderful to me. It will suck to lose him – maybe I’ll decide that I can’t stand to be without him after all. but that’s not where I’m at right now, so I’m very glad that I spoke my truth.

    Wednesday, 15 September 2010 @ 12:34am

  398. 398: BarbinOzNo Gravatar says:

    Has anybody got some kind of “junk” email from Dr Paul? Seems “he” knows my name, but the only thing I remember doing is that test on here you know Magician/Lover/whatever?

    WTH do they get our info !!

    Now “he” wants me to go and read all this stuff on his webpage called Womens Happiness……

    Wednesday, 15 September 2010 @ 3:19am

  399. 399: AmberSNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Barb!

    The trick is, to take the test, or read the free article (or whatever) they require you to enter your name and email address. So then they spam you, but sometimes it’s useful or interesting info, and you can always unsubscribe :)

    Wednesday, 15 September 2010 @ 4:16am

  400. 400: AmberSNo Gravatar says:


    Whoa. That’s a lot of change. I feel good reading how centered you are about it. I like that you’re giving yourself permission to feel what you feel, and the right to feel differently in the future.

    Wednesday, 15 September 2010 @ 4:19am

  401. 401: BarbinOzNo Gravatar says:

    OK Amber, got it!! 😀

    Wednesday, 15 September 2010 @ 4:22am

  402. 402: Erika AwakeningNo Gravatar says:

    ooooh, the plot of Erika’s life just thickened in a very satisfying way … a personal mantra for myself: “whenever I am tempted to be frustrated or doubt what is happening, whenever I’m tempted to listen to other people’s egoic fears and doubts about MY life, I remember, it’s all happening for a reason, and God has a much more fabulous life planned for me than I could ever plan for myself.” :)

    @Ragnell, as a coach, I have been frustrated on both sides of this marketing quagmire. I do NOT like fear-based marketing at all. On the other hand, I feel it is offensive to expect someone like Rori (or myself) to work for free. I feel really irritated when I hear people being critical of a coach because the coach is asking for money for the wonderful offerings he or she is giving to the world. Why should Rori’s work only be valued if it’s free? Why wouldn’t everyone want to support her so that she too can live an abundant life? She has given a lot here, and running these websites and everything that goes with it has a lot of expenses involved with it that the end-user doesn’t often understand or appreciate.

    What I’m moving toward, very experimentally, because so far I haven’t found a satisfying template for it in the internet marketing world … is a really honest approach … yeah, I have “figured something out,” as some of the Sirens here have put it, and I can help people completely change their lives very rapidly. And I’d also like to receive enough compensation for helping people that I can live a fun, abundant life.

    I don’t find the “old” marketing paradigms to be very helpful for this kind of honest approach … mostly they use fear to “cover up” the fact that the coach also needs to get paid … I really don’t want to do that, yet I do want to get paid for my work.

    I like the NVC model, which involves being straight up about the fact that coaches and healers enjoy receiving also … and need to receive if they are going to continue offering their life-changing tools and methods …

    What do you think?

    Wednesday, 15 September 2010 @ 6:47am

  403. 403: life_is_too_short_to...No Gravatar says:

    It helps for me to write these things out, like journaling, and if it can be helpful to anyone else, or if anyone can share similar experiences that can be helpful to me….that is a bonus…

    One evening, three years ago, when I was chatting with a guy i met on e harmony, he asked me about my most meaningful experience of romantic love.

    I told him it was the pure, innocent, unconditional, hormonal, romeo and juliet type of love i experienced for three years as a teenager. We never consummated it, because of religious and societal mores, and so he left me for another girl. I told eharmony guy that i had never experienced love like that again. Over the years, we tried to reconnect a couple of times, but it didn’t take. Now that I think of it, he had some walls around him then, too. Eventually, I had stopped pining for him and thinking about him,
    but always longed for that type of feeling with someone again.

    He asked me if I had kept in touch or knew where he was. I said no. He is a shaman, and he told me his feeling was that I should definitely look him up. I found his profile on facebook, and wasn’t really that drawn to him.

    First I explored a relationship with someone else I had been attracted to for a while. That did not turn out well.

    I decided to try and contact who I will call Long Distance Man (LD for short). He was desperate for me to call him. We spent five hours on the phone the first time we spoke and it didn’t let up from there.

    He drove here to see me, and I was very happy to see him. Those beautiful feelings from almost 40 years ago were re-kindled. We had chemistry. I thought he was too forward, even a bit forceful, but I went along with getting intimate.

    In hindsight, I see that we used our previous emotional connection as an excuse for what I call “instant intimacy”. I did not do my due diligence. It turns out that while we are on the same page about some things, we are not on the same page about a lot of more important things.

    Quickly, existing circumstances and challenges were compounded by even more, for both of us.
    These put a lot of tension and pressure on the relationship. Not to mention the distance factor.
    On a positive note, my challenge provided me with an incredible filter with which to smoke out potential mates.

    By his behavior, I realized that he was only ready for a friends with benefits kind of relationship, intimacy without commitment. I was not comfortable with that and still am not.

    He would not respect my wishes to back off, just be friends who check in every month or so, and then when I saw pictures of him on fb with another woman at a fancy place, i was very hurt and angry.
    I simply don’t want to play second fiddle to another woman. He was being a player.

    I tried to get some distance a few times, but he always got me back into the thick of it, because the good stuff and the memories felt so good, so i made excuses for the bad stuff.

    Finally, I put my foot down, and he got punked when I said put up or shut up. Visit with me in person or no more phone calls (including phone sex). So, I got the distance I want, and it is providing the room for the perspective i want to have. It remains to be seen what he will do. The very cool thing is that, with each passing day, I care less and less. And this is good!!

    I am still not 100% certain if this is a toxic man or just one with toxic qualities due to present circumstances. I am waiting for the Toxic Men CDs to arrive in the hopes that it will help me decide once and for all.

    I think, however, that I am almost at the point where even if I know that these are toxic qualities that I can deal with and maybe even transform, he may still not be the right man for me, and I will be able to be firm in that conviction and CHOOSE to walk away, without looking back.

    Then, there will be the space for my true, most meaningul and lasting relationship to come in.

    Thanks for listening…


    Wednesday, 15 September 2010 @ 7:01am

  404. 404: life_is_too_short_to...No Gravatar says:

    ooooh, the plot of Erika’s life just thickened in a very satisfying way … a personal mantra for myself: “whenever I am tempted to be frustrated or doubt what is happening, whenever I’m tempted to listen to other people’s egoic fears and doubts about MY life, I remember, it’s all happening for a reason, and God has a much more fabulous life planned for me than I could ever plan for myself.” :)

    Fantastic, Erika!

    I agree with what you say about not expecting coaches to provide services for free.

    My honest opinion is that this is a labor of love for Rori, that she is living her dream, and that she should reap the rewards from her work.

    It is up to each “consumer” to sift through all the marketing and advertising triggers and decide for themselves what to take and what to leave, without condemning the marketer. After all, marketing is how the material even becomes available to you to even make a decision whether you think it will be helpful or not.

    Wednesday, 15 September 2010 @ 7:10am

  405. 405: AmberSNo Gravatar says:

    Daria- 388

    I’ve never looked at this deeply before. Thank you for riffing it out. That you feel obligated after giving? Wow.

    I missed hearing your voice here.

    Wednesday, 15 September 2010 @ 7:40am

  406. 406: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    I dated a cancer for two years, and he was exactly as someone described above. I spent the entire two years beating him over the head and dragging him to the cave on EVERYTHING. But this was before I found rori. When I found rori, I seriously leaned back, and eventually understood the idea of a toxic man and did the walk away. well THAT scrambled his little Cancer brain, and he went into full “get her back mode.”

    But by then it was way too late.

    Wednesday, 15 September 2010 @ 8:35am

  407. 407: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    I feel triggered reading that the alpha male is likely a “playa”.
    I wonder how alpha is defined by people now. I consider myself alpha…. And I couldn’t imagine a beta keeping my interest….. That’s feels unfair. I feel relieved around alpha men. I feel supported. I feel safe. I feel bored thinking about someone “playing” me. . . .ugh….some alphas are too busy with their missions to be chasing pu**y all day. At some point women and men transmute their sexual energy in order to focus on articular goals. I feel frustrated by these alpha concepts….. If I buy into that am I relegated to dominating men my entire life to avoid being “played”. Blech. I feel pouty.

    Wednesday, 15 September 2010 @ 10:19am

  408. 408: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    What’s an “articular” goal? Looks like particular…. Mmmm, I like this “articular” word though :)

    Wednesday, 15 September 2010 @ 10:21am

  409. 409: AmberSNo Gravatar says:

    You know a TON about astrology. Is it a hobby? You said something about Cancer men yesterday that I’ve had rolling around in my head like a loose marble ever since. It keeps bumping up against old memories and reframing them.


    Wednesday, 15 September 2010 @ 10:27am

  410. 410: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Don’t worry Nikita! That’s just what Beta men say so that they can slack off on the work of turning us on!

    Wednesday, 15 September 2010 @ 10:35am

  411. 411: NikitaNo Gravatar says:


    Ugh, ok. I hope it’s a good reframe. I’ve been studying astrology since I was 9. I found an old book and devoured it. But I never completely believed it all and yet I kept reading….astrologers have told me to become an astrologer but the math part turns me off. I like animals a lot so I have used astrology as tool for me to connect with people by seeing them as their animal archetype….. It gives me cute and fuzzy feelings. So when a lover is a Taurus and acting bullheaded, I can smile and say aww…. The little bull is just a bull…. It’s not personal….Just the way he’s relating right now.
    The cancer isn’t ignoring me or mad…..just overwhelmed by their feelers…. They’ll come around …. It was my tool for compassion. I could usually guess a person’s birthday based on how they rubbed me…. Or on my knee jerk reaction to them. I’ve moved away from the astrology …or tried to because it’s like a rabbit hole and suck up hours of my time.
    I began studying it for the medical aspects…. The idea is each sign absorbs stress in different ways…. And is prone in certain areas for certain ailments, which btw is usually emotional……

    Wednesday, 15 September 2010 @ 10:42am

  412. 412: NikitaNo Gravatar says:


    I love you girl !!!!!!


    Wednesday, 15 September 2010 @ 10:43am

  413. 413: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    things people can never guess right about me: my weight, my age, and my sign.

    Wednesday, 15 September 2010 @ 10:48am

  414. 414: AmberSNo Gravatar says:


    It’s an EXCELLENT reframe. It’s the realization that I should ALWAYS be an invitation to the crabbys. When they feel safe, they come out to play with me and WOW does that ever feel wonderful. My guy loves reassurance of my love (cards, notes left places, random emails and unexpected VMs). I’m understanding now how that makes him feel safe.

    I feel disappointed when I read that you’re letting the math put you off. That’s why computers were invented! GRIN. It seems like this is more than just some insight, but maybe a life path and definitely a GIFT. You must be a healer, too? How awesome to use it as a tool in that way. I’m impressed. Like, made-me-sit-back-in-my-chair, impressed.

    Thank you for sharing this part of you.

    Wednesday, 15 September 2010 @ 11:15am

  415. 415: girlNo Gravatar says:

    I do feel safer with Betas, but less turned on. I’m not sure which I prefer. Maybe one is better for “lovin” one is better for commitment? I dunno. I always hoped there would be an INDIVIDUAL I would click with in a way that trumped whatever pattern either one of us ever had. But I don’t have those romantic notions as much lately. And I’m not sure whether I cleanly fit alpha or beta. I can definitely be sorta wimpy, but then I bust out ninja style as soon as I sense somebody thinks they can overpower me.

    D is actually alpha, but in a sweet tender way. He’s a self professed lover, not a fighter. I think it’s hot when he’s ruthless at work. He’s not ruthless with me at all. Although, he’s toughening up right now, which is a huge relief. I am SO glad that he isn’t giving up Boston for me. I wouldn’t have liked that at all! I want a guy to take care of his business as THE main priority. It feels like a lot of pressure otherwise. And just plain unattractive.

    Wednesday, 15 September 2010 @ 11:28am

  416. 416: NikitaNo Gravatar says:


    :) thanks! I feel giddy watching you sit back in your chair. I’m the “English major, anthropology major, creative type”. And the math, chess, calculus kids have always wowed me…so yay! I like a little mutual reception, so to speak.

    True about computers working out the math, there are rather thorough programs. I’m referring to the conjunctions, oppositions, sextiles and squares….along with degrees… what angles….. My geometry is strongish-but after a while it seems to fall apart…..I’m more interested on the planets….I can believe planets….the moon proves itself to us and the tides practically everyday….a lot of astrology is limiting….and because there is so much going on that creates layers of variables onto the final conclusion(which never happens by the very nature of the “science”) it’s the never-ending story….or at least feels like it. I enjoy seeing if the filter is at work in a person’s life but I refuse any hard and fast rules or cookie cutter approaches….I try to get to know people for a while and then look at their chart. Just a glance to see what might be at play…..but again we can all transcend our birth charts. I wouldn’t buy into feeling stuck with a certain way of being because the stars said so. It’s not a stagnant field :)

    Wednesday, 15 September 2010 @ 11:30am

  417. 417: NikitaNo Gravatar says:


    I feel happy that he’s taking the Boston gig as well. But I love Boston :)

    Wednesday, 15 September 2010 @ 11:32am

  418. 418: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    RE: #409 – You’re 32, 150 lbs, and your sign is Capricorn. Did I get it?

    Wednesday, 15 September 2010 @ 11:34am

  419. 419: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    I keep feeling this yucky feeling and I think I am in a rut. I think I need something exciting to happen so I don’t feel stagnant. Maybe I’ll take a day trip to the shore this weekend before all the warm weather is gone.

    Wednesday, 15 September 2010 @ 11:41am

  420. 420: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    “Please come to Boston for the springtime / I’m stayin’ here with some friends / And they’ve got lots of room / You can sell your paintings / On the sidewalk …”


    Wednesday, 15 September 2010 @ 11:43am

  421. 421: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Nikita, me too:

    “I feel relieved around alpha men. I feel supported. I feel safe.”

    Daria’s probably right! “That’s just what Beta men say so that they can slack off on the work of turning us on!”

    Then again, I’m thinking there’s probably not really just alpha and beta. These are artificial constructs afterall….

    Wednesday, 15 September 2010 @ 11:46am

  422. 422: JlinaNo Gravatar says:

    Hi, everyone! When I took astronomy in college – and boy if you want to feel…smaller ego wise? – have those two be your sciences…..vastness and oldness (geology)….

    anyway, they said astrology was bs because the north star changes position and when it was created the heavens were in a different alignment. I bet you genius girls can look that up really quickly. I never cared really because no one ever thought I was a Capricon, so it didn’t seem to apply. And I didn’t like categories. However, lately I am entranced with numbers – numerology – and (which I have like 13 decks of for the artisit in me)….ooooh, and I laid them all out to match up pix once….78 rows of 13!

    anyway I did numerology on my webpage name -its on there free somewhere, and the site, etc. If you think that numbers may well pre-date words, that seem pretty valid to me? I did this 9/9/09 spell on the internet thing that seemed to move mountains – not sure I’ll be able to affford the 10/10/10 one. And the guy says 0’s are very important, although I love 9’s….


    and on a related freaky how the heck note – Lynnestar took the warror thing and got the exact same percentages as me?! which means she probably answered each question the same….and she’s 1/2 world away and we’ve barely talked this week….so out of all the millions of woman and the hundreds here…….I find/pick her and we kind of partner up on the blog?

    It boggles. my. mind!!!!!

    btw – being an almost equal percentage lover/warrior means all my work at logical thinking must’ve paid off, huh? smile

    Wednesday, 15 September 2010 @ 11:46am

  423. 423: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Brenda. I feel yucky and stuck too. Did you see my experiment? — allowing myself to be depressed until the right man shows up.

    Wednesday, 15 September 2010 @ 11:48am

  424. 424: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    “Life is complex. Each one of us must make his own path through life. There are no self-help manuals, no formulas, no easy answers. The right road for one is the wrong road for another … The journey of life is not paved in blacktop; it is not brightly lit, and it has no road signs. It is a rocky path through the wilderness.”– M. Scott Peck

    “We each have our own pathways to develop both personally and spiritually. They are based on our character and past experiences. No one else can identify our paths for us. Tune in to your inner guidance system and follow its direction.”–John & Patrice Robson

    Wednesday, 15 September 2010 @ 11:51am

  425. 425: JlinaNo Gravatar says:

    Erika! Eureka! you seem different because you ARE? ie giving me the benefit of the doubt, absorbing the info about paying and sounding open to a new way….etc! Absof*******y fabulous! I could hear it….and now I can read it. Before you would’ve bit my/our head off, and now you’re having breakthroughs around it. I love that there could be no limiting beliefs around abundance – the first massage I ever gave the guy paid me like double – which totally freaked me out, but he was like no, you need it…that would be great if they all would’ve btw! grin….but then sometimes they could barely pay my discounted rate. I love the idea of tipping – it toatally aligns with my idea about everyone having access to the work. But then some don’t tip….

    I just really appreciate the difference in this conversation.

    And, this is bad on my part but it used to just piss the hell out of me when my friend would sit and read tarot cards and get $60/hour…..and I’d done school, had to travel to another city, get videoed, etc. to be licensed….bought an office, a table, washed sheets, made forms….all for the same $60.

    lol and…..what do you think? If we all just read tarot for $60 no one could get massaged – so what is realitive value? perceived value?


    Wednesday, 15 September 2010 @ 11:52am

  426. 426: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Listen to the world at level two. Amen.

    Wednesday, 15 September 2010 @ 11:53am

  427. 427: JlinaNo Gravatar says:

    Re: alpha – girl and congrats to Life….did you read the Athol Kay interview on my blog? he has a totally different take on alpha/beta maleness I think; that said it’s just really another categorization made up, ya know?

    @ Lucy – what do you think about having a fab. life without the man? Cuz sometimes – and I know this is a relationship blog! ‘kay – but sometimes you seem to exist here at least in relationship to your relationships??? just something to think about – with the you shall do as you do disclaimer attached.


    Wednesday, 15 September 2010 @ 11:55am

  428. 428: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    “but sometimes you seem to exist here at least in relationship to your relationships???”

    What do you mean?

    Wednesday, 15 September 2010 @ 12:02pm

  429. 429: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Lucy,

    Thanks for the quotes. I feel a little overwhelmed. I want to read everyone’s post yet I have so much to do in my every day world. I really appreciate all of you ladies! Sorry if I am a bit distracted, but I’m a bit distracted. At any given time, I feel like I am on a superhighway…everyone around me is going 85 MPH while I can barely keep it up to 30 MPH. I can’t keep up with the pace of life.

    I want to be a wife. I think about what my life would be like to spend it with my partner, my match, the man I am in love with. I fantasize about it, and then I feel dissatisfied with my current life as a single. Yet I don’t want to stop fantasizing.

    Because of the fast pace of life, I try to cut corners. It is too time consuming to cook, so I eat out too much. And that’s not healthy for the budget.

    Wednesday, 15 September 2010 @ 12:10pm

  430. 430: JlinaNo Gravatar says:

    I mean that you focus a lot on the nuance of every text the details of every date and spend a lot of time describing the characteristics of your men. There is nothing wrong with that, and I’m not judging that. However, after 3 months or so….that is ALL I really know about you -oh, and that you take walks with your dogs – and you are analytical in a completely different way than I am. I mean I don’t know what your hopes are, what your dreams are, what your goals are, why you consider talking to or dating 25 year olds, what your rationale for/in dating is….etc. I get the general feeling that you want to me married – but then it’s no I want to be reconciled. Depends on the day and the man, that’s why I was so confused. Every day it’s a new snapshot of you for me. This was why I was asking you if you wanted to know what I thought -and I have a strong feeling it’s gonna turn into defensiveness and triggering etc. even expressing it. It is what makes me curious tho.


    Wednesday, 15 September 2010 @ 12:12pm

  431. 431: JlinaNo Gravatar says:

    be married, not me married – ha!

    Wednesday, 15 September 2010 @ 12:14pm

  432. 432: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks for explaining. I hear you saying you want to know more about me? And you want to understand me better?

    Wednesday, 15 September 2010 @ 12:17pm

  433. 433: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    How Do You Measure Success?
    Wednesday, September 15
    I have learned that success is to be measured not so much by the position that one has reached in life as by the obstacles which he has had to overcome while trying to succeed. – Booker T. Washington

    I talked with a woman the other night who had called in to brag about her son. She was so emotional I couldn’t even air the conversation because I couldn’t stop crying thru it. Her son, at 10 years old, had just learned how to walk. He has cerebral palsy and it was the first time he’d ever walked across the room without the aid of a walker.

    Consider for a minute the people around you and what obstacles they may have had to overcome. Obstacles you may not even realize ever existed for that person, or do currently exist. We all face challenges at points in our life. Sometimes you’ll be walking down the road of life and everything will be going well and then “Boom,” the road washes out beneath you. Or a tragedy befalls you. Troubles arrive and you have to deal with them.
    We don’t always get to choose our circumstances. Rarely do we get to choose them. But we always get to choose how we’re going to respond. Whatever your obstacle is today, big or small, don’t give up. Say a heartfelt prayer for help. Keep praying whenever the circumstance comes to mind. With that and a little faith, you have a good defense against a troubled heart. And with a heart that’s strong, you will find the strength to overcome obstacles.

    Wednesday, 15 September 2010 @ 12:18pm

  434. 434: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    I think you and I both tend to have analysis paralysis, which was talked about on the newest thread.

    Wednesday, 15 September 2010 @ 12:19pm

  435. 435: Katarina PhangNo Gravatar says:

    Girl said:

    “I do feel safer with Betas, but less turned on. I’m not sure which I prefer. Maybe one is better for “lovin” one is better for commitment? ”

    Ohhh…girl, I’m just thinking about how Seattle Guy just fits nicely somewhere in the middle. He’s definitely an alpha with a touch of a beta where it matters. He may prove to be the exact man I need, between the two extremes of my past 2 relationships (beta and alpha male).

    SG is an Aquarius too like my beta ex: he’s gentle, patient, affectionate, patient, calm and collected and a lover par excellence (always seeks to please his woman first before himself). He’s a great, hands-on dad too (bathing, feeding and putting him to bed every day).

    But he’s also accomplished and successful like an alpha male, very good with handimanship (he built and decorated his own artsy home theater). He’s tall, dark, handsome and very masculine: a huge turn on for me.

    My, Jacq I need you to send me reiki energy…I’m feeling so overwhelmed by these intense feelings running amok my mind the past few days. I have been sleepless the last 2 nights. Told him I wish I was sleepless in Seattle with him.

    Wednesday, 15 September 2010 @ 12:29pm

  436. 436: Katarina PhangNo Gravatar says:

    “He’s a great, hands-on dad too (bathing, feeding and putting him….*I mean his 5 year old son…. to bed every day).”

    Another thing is he told me that he didn’t court his ex for too long (only a year) before marrying her. He said it wasn’t his style to court a woman too long. That explains his intensity for me. But I told him I felt a bit apprehensive because I’m worried it goes too fast for both of us.

    Wednesday, 15 September 2010 @ 12:34pm

  437. 437: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    I have been writing on here for about a year, so a lot of what you don’t understand about me is because you’re missing the background of all those months. . . so if you have specific questions, I will be happy to answer them to get you up to speed on my life. :)

    “why you consider talking to or dating 25 year olds, what your rationale for/in dating is”

    The 20-somethings was discussed quite a bit on here, maybe before you came on board. But the basic answer to that, and the “rationale” question, is that I am Rori Raye CDing (or have been up til recently) and following her recommendations.

    Wednesday, 15 September 2010 @ 12:34pm

  438. 438: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    I have to go out for a little while, Jacqueline, but I will be happy to answer the rest of your questions later. <3

    Wednesday, 15 September 2010 @ 12:36pm

  439. 439: AmberSNo Gravatar says:


    Be careful what you ask for. She’s a force to be awed by, or a channel for a force to be awed by. I feel physically like I had deep tissue work.

    Wednesday, 15 September 2010 @ 12:37pm

  440. 440: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    I disagree about alpha and beta being constructs of bs or something. I get my definition from watching animals/dogs- in every litter as a group a dog finds their place at some level. Also, this can be viewed in humans on a street corner; if there is a pack one will dominate. In a group of men one will be top dog, so to speak. To me it seems natural and very real. It brings to mind how a young man will say he needs to “strike out on his own”…. He may be an alpha and can’t find his place in his home town….feel frustrated or unrealized thus creating a need to dominate unconquered territory…..
    Ok…..I feel too thinky so I’m going to stop this train of thought :)

    Wednesday, 15 September 2010 @ 12:38pm

  441. 441: AmberSNo Gravatar says:


    I’ve been wondering all day what I could do for/give to you. You have been so generous with your time and energy and love. I was crying gratitude last night on my walk.

    I would like to find a way to bless you or direct blessings your way.

    Not because I feel like I owe you, but because I would love knowing you are glowing and filled up to the top of everything you desire.

    Wednesday, 15 September 2010 @ 12:41pm

  442. 442: Katarina PhangNo Gravatar says:

    Amber, I can make use of her witchery today. 😀

    BTW, my Aquarius beta ex was pretty much decided to marry me within a week of our encounter. That’s how “easy” they are. OTOH, I needed to give my Virgo alpha hubby an “ultimatum” so he would finally commit.

    I just long to find out next weekend if SG and I really have a lot going on for us. I guess, if anything, I will just go for the adventure.

    Wednesday, 15 September 2010 @ 12:43pm

  443. 443: NikitaNo Gravatar says:


    Yes, a really good alpha can go beta when it’s required….my gf gets amazed when she hears me talking to my LI, she’s floored at how “beta” I sound over the phone when he comes into the room…or when she sees us interact. She knows a very dominant side of me that seems to vanish when he’s in the vicinity. She claims my voice changes and all of my energy shifts…..but he’s just so alpha I have a lot of fun melting into myself :)

    Wednesday, 15 September 2010 @ 12:44pm

  444. 444: JlinaNo Gravatar says:

    @ Lucy – no I used to try and know you better, I gave up. What I was asking today is do you realize that that is all you show of yourself on this blog? or is that really all there is? (I doubt it, okay)…and what is your mission and or goal in being here? What success have you achieved in your months here? (and this relates to blog topic I’ve got brewing….) and why oh why do I have to ask you stuff three times in very direct terms ie how did Jonathon get your email address? before you will answer? I’m back now just to answer this.

    And I’ve got to run – real life things to do!

    Wednesday, 15 September 2010 @ 12:49pm

  445. 445: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    Ugh…..why am I taking this astro bait?

    Aquarian men seem to be of the few that skip convention. I know an aquarian that would knowingly marry a woman who has done sex work in the past…..he just didn’t get mixed up in social mores. Whereas other men may hold that against a woman and be more traditional. I can’t really “do” the Aquarians …..I need solid shapes :) and parameters….

    Again I say!!!! Astrology is full of limiting beliefs!!!! Please take these observations with a grain of salt

    Wednesday, 15 September 2010 @ 12:50pm

  446. 446: JlinaNo Gravatar says:

    @ Katarina – dear! take a tylenol pm and get some sleep – SAVE all that excitement. lol….and seriously, if it’s more scary than exciting you’ve got to put some brakes on it, but let it all play out then decide, hmmm?

    Would be happy to send you Reiki – you wanna be one of my new Betty Boop dolls I won from the machine? the madonna one or the one with the silver lame suit and go go boots?

    and what time zone, etc. are you in so we can see if you can feel it – email me that – I could do it around 9 pm. tonite Houston time???

    Happy day!!! to all….

    Wednesday, 15 September 2010 @ 12:51pm

  447. 447: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    What a beautiful expression of gratitude! What you wrote could be made into a greeting card!!

    Wednesday, 15 September 2010 @ 12:52pm

  448. 448: Katarina PhangNo Gravatar says:

    So I need a distraction from my “fixation” of my new beau and lucky my cop CD called -after telling me that he’s been trying to be a “good boy”- and I flirted again with him today. So I asked him if he was going through a withdrawal for not calling/talking to me in a day. :)

    Soon perhaps I need a distraction from my cop Mel Gibson-lookalike CD. LOL….

    I need perhaps at least 4 or 5 hot hunks like that to make me feel like a diva and never to have to “obsess” over any guy anymore.

    That’s definitely in the plan. :)

    Wednesday, 15 September 2010 @ 12:53pm

  449. 449: JlinaNo Gravatar says:

    wow all those posts while I was posting…very cool!!! Amber, thank you I give you my gratitude – for just being you, and for quietly visiting my blog, and for all things specific and all things non specific…

    and ask that you merely accept love….in all forms….let it in, and let how powerful and amazing you are in too??? in return. Really. Suspend voice, suspend disbelief. Believe that we’re always gonna listen like we want to know what your favorite flower is….and remember. Even when it doesn’t look like it. Hugs….me

    Nikita yes, me and Brenda have trained dogs – in my case an unneutered 100 pound white german shepherd…and I was still the alpha after 2 YEARS of obedience school (barely!)….but in men, well read what Athol says, it’s interesting and he has a website it’s on my what to read page.

    I’ve read a couple of non fictions about a wolf shape changer – Patricia Briggs – that’s an Omega, ie Magician – neither the Alpha or the Beta can function without her. LOVE IT!!! which totally puts me into the king/warrior/magician/lover idea.


    Wednesday, 15 September 2010 @ 12:59pm

  450. 450: Katarina PhangNo Gravatar says:

    Jlina, send me from any dolls you like. Just don’t “voodo doll” me. :) I’m in California.

    Nikita, I don’t take horoscopes all too seriously but it’s fun to observe because SG definitely has that Aquarian quality my beta ex does. He’s just the right mixture of yin and yang, the more likely candidate for a thriving relationship with a feminine woman (who can be fiery and hot-headed at times) who needs lots of affection like me. That’s my feeling anyway as for now. Too early to know though, I must add.

    I will go with the flow and surrender and trust the Universe will deliver the best man for me at my doorstep. It seems to me though that things really “pick up” for me in the “adoration dept.” I have more text messages from another date I had in Seattle before SG. He’s obviously interested but he holds no candle to my new beau.

    I will make him one of my sources of distraction, though. All safe and fun.

    Wednesday, 15 September 2010 @ 1:02pm

  451. 451: Rori RayeNo Gravatar says:

    Suzie – start with the book – it will help you incredibly… just click on the Have The Relationship You Want book over in the sidebar…Love, Rori

    Wednesday, 15 September 2010 @ 2:16pm

  452. 452: AmberSNo Gravatar says:


    That change in energy baffles my coworkers. When my guy calls and I get all soft and gooey they don’t know what to make of it. My daughter was SURE I was faking it for the longest time. She’d never seen me be in my feminine energy. Ha!

    I’m sorry to ‘bait’ you with the astrology stuff. I am just totally fascinated. I’ve always viewed it as a quick and dirty way to make judgements about people (hehe) but in a productive – how can I communicate more effectively way. Even so- I just have the smallest amount of understanding of only a couple of the signs. I like to accept it (and numerology and tarot) as useful tools, for gaining understanding, and like tarot, for illuminating the possibilities. I was told that my whole chart could be viewed as a “here’s your opportunity to evolve” roadmap. This was pointed out in connection to my daughter’s chart, where almost everything is in the 12th house. So she’s more evolved. Not that I doubt that in the least.

    The thing you posted yesterday- wow! TOTALLY useful. I can only imagine how it feels to have all that knowledge at your fingertips!

    I love it when the power to be comes right back into our own hands.

    There is no future, there is only now.

    And now.

    And now.


    And NOW I’d better get my butt back to work!

    Wednesday, 15 September 2010 @ 2:20pm

  453. 453: TinaNo Gravatar says:

    Ragnell, I dont know what to say. All I can say for now is trust your feelings.

    I feel triggered! I feel like I want to fight, I feel protective Goddess Warrior Woman has come out to play :) I feel helpless, what can I do? feel oh right yeah FEEL. Hide the children in the woods – my mom did that really, she hide us in the woods. I feel tension in my right side, my head feelings fighting, dont fck with that side of your brain Tina Goddess Warrior Woman, you will go down fighting or maybe not :) give it all you got! fearless Warrior Women do. What does squeaky voice say now? All men are shits, and dummies to be manipulated and controlled at my whim. I feel turned off.

    Wednesday, 15 September 2010 @ 2:20pm

  454. 454: Rori RayeNo Gravatar says:

    Pseud…Loved your poem….very thought-provoking…please keep posting on this topic. Where’d you get the “love test”? Love, Rori

    Wednesday, 15 September 2010 @ 2:23pm

  455. 455: PseudonymousNo Gravatar says:


    Denise posted the link in #164 above.

    Wednesday, 15 September 2010 @ 2:30pm

  456. 456: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Pseudonymous – I love your poem, too! So glad you came out of your castle to share it. :) (I am a “Queen” also on that test, and definitely attracted to “Magicians.” :))


    Wednesday, 15 September 2010 @ 2:53pm

  457. 457: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Jacqueline — “Lucy – no I used to try and know you better, I gave up.”

    Thank you for letting me know. I accept your decision to not want to know me any better. Namaste.


    Wednesday, 15 September 2010 @ 2:56pm

  458. 458: NikitaNo Gravatar says:


    I felt baited by katarina’s aquarian/beta/alpha vs. Virgo posts…..and temptation might be more accurate. Aquarian men are a trigger point for me. I adore them….I just squirm the way I do with cancers -too much of a good thing I guess 😉

    Wednesday, 15 September 2010 @ 3:07pm

  459. 459: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    P.s. When I read your daughter’s 12th house is packed with planets….I said… “oh sh*t”. The 12 house is a special place….it’s all very interesting stuff.

    Wednesday, 15 September 2010 @ 3:10pm

  460. 460: JlinaNo Gravatar says:

    Lucy I am confused because you didn’t answer the questions although you continually tell me to ask you questions. I don’t want to get to know you better, I want your opinion on the questions I asked. What I hear is you saying if you were around for the last year, you’d know me – and btw, I did read lava feast…so I know background on 25 year old.

    My question and frustration is WHY won’t you answer direct questions? Even to the point of telling me IF I wanted your email, to ask Brenda for it…why couldn’t you just email me?

    Feels like a game, ergo I have surrendered to not knowing you – you win.

    But I would like it if you answered questions directly – and you will do what you do.

    Hon Sha Ze Sho Nen,

    Wednesday, 15 September 2010 @ 3:28pm

  461. 461: JlinaNo Gravatar says:

    Nikita – I am impressed with your knowledge and the powerful way you communicate. I hear a lot of women here loving it…


    Wednesday, 15 September 2010 @ 3:29pm

  462. 462: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Jacqueline. I feel confused, too. I didn’t answer your questions because you just told me that you don’t want to get to know me any better!

    “I don’t want to get to know you better, I want your opinion on the questions I asked.” — Yet what you asked were questions about ME! So I am royally confused here!

    “Feels like a game, ergo I have surrendered to not knowing you – you win.”

    It’s not a game to me, Jacqueline. I have no desire to “win” anything, and, in fact, have not won anything in this situation.

    Wednesday, 15 September 2010 @ 3:39pm

  463. 463: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Dorothea – 328- aw, that brought tears to my eyes — it feels like you really hear my heart. That feels very very good. Thank you. <3

    Wednesday, 15 September 2010 @ 3:52pm

  464. 464: JlinaNo Gravatar says:

    okay, Lucy, that felt like it came from your heart, and I’m hurting you. That is not my intention. We are very very different women. I want to feel like I do know you already, and instead I feel like I’m butting my head against a wall. If I cannot know you personally, I would like to know your opions, ergo, answer questions. If you don’t wanna talk at all, that’s okay, too. I have space for you to just be and I’ve been trying to figure out a way to communicate effectively with you. I just can’t. It just is, no big deal, okay?

    Hugs and han shan se show nin is the Chr*** in my greets the Chr** in you, or the Buddah, so it is my way of saying you’re welcome to your selfness and it is still magnificent.

    Wednesday, 15 September 2010 @ 4:06pm

  465. 465: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Jacqueline, it all comes from my heart, and, no, you are not hurting me.

    I just don’t understand what it is you want from me — you tell me you don’t want to know/understand me, yet you want me to answer questions about who I am and what I do.

    So, I’m hearing, “I don’t want to know you — tell me who you are, dammit!”

    Wednesday, 15 September 2010 @ 5:12pm

  466. 466: Erika AwakeningNo Gravatar says:


    #423, thank you. I feel very seen. That’s just it … I *am* different … because I used HBR on whatever tension there was with me and this blog … and that shifted my energy around it …

    Wednesday, 15 September 2010 @ 5:37pm

  467. 467: Laughing goddessNo Gravatar says:

    Oh my gosh! I feel so much laughter right now…like a eureka, aha moment.

    I’ve been lurking for a few days now after getting back from vacation. Catching up but not feeling super inspired to post and…

    I was feeling very curious about the dynamic between Lucy and Jlina. Feeling kind of confused about why they seem to be triggering each other. I feel sweetness and connection with both of them (you) and I was feeling confused about what the problem is. Although really there is no problem, it’s just that some people trigger us and some don’t.

    Anyway…the aha moment happened when I remembered that Lucy is a Gemini and Jlina is a Capricorn. The Capricorn/ Gemini connection has been huge in my life…and in my experience thy are oddly drawn to each other and triggered at the same time.

    I am a Gemini and my mom, stepmom, and past three major lovers have been Capricorns. I have a LOT of experience with this dynamic.

    I feel inspired to share my perspective with the hopes of not offending anyone with the “stereotyping” inherent in

    It’s no surprise that Jlina feels like she doesn’t know Lucy. Geminis tend to be mercurial like air, very hard to pin down. They also tend to relate to the world through their relationships. Of course we all do in a sense but it is very pronounced for geminis generally speaking.

    Capricorns tend to be solid and stable like the earth. Their views are solid and somewhat slow to change (some might say rigid ;-). They can be very social also but there is always a sense of stability within them.

    Stability is not for geminis. We are always changing, on to new things. It can be seen by others as superficial. For me though, it’s just an endless curiousity. When air isn’t moving, it tends to stagnate. Same for geminis. Think of us as a fresh breeze.

    When earth is moving it’s quite scary…earthquake. We want to earth to be stable.

    So thank you Lucy for being a fresh breeze and thank you jlina for being stable earth!

    I love the elements of our world!

    I’d love to hear Nikitas input on this as well. Like a Gemini, I only dabble in astrology as in most things and never tend to have the patience to go super deep with it.

    Stereotypes…stereotypes :-)

    Wednesday, 15 September 2010 @ 5:45pm

  468. 468: Apple JacksNo Gravatar says:

    Hi LG! Good to see you. :)

    Interesting how you pin pointed the conflict between Jlina and Lucy that way.

    Funny how I can see the characteristics that you described in the conversation of each.

    On a side note I always identified better with my INFP personality type. My sign is Leo and I never identified with that. I would read about me and think…who are they talking about? Because that isn’t me.

    Wednesday, 15 September 2010 @ 5:52pm

  469. 469: Apple JacksNo Gravatar says:

    My skin is tingling.

    It feels itchy.

    Wednesday, 15 September 2010 @ 5:56pm

  470. 470: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    That’s so funny, LG!! Thanks for sharing that! I had just written on the new thread what I found out about my moon sign being Gemini as well — and it fits right in with what you wrote here! Some guys from dating sites have told me I seem like “a gypsy with a strong sense of home” (which they acknowledge is somewhat contradictory) — but it fits.

    Wednesday, 15 September 2010 @ 6:06pm

  471. 471: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    That really helps me understand why Jacqueline feels confused by me. I am the wind, and I embrace my wind-ness — and where the wind blows makes sense to me because I am in it, being it. But if Jacqueline is standing there on the ground, watching the wind blow north, then whip through the willow and whoosh south . . . well, that WOULD be a little confusing. :)

    Wednesday, 15 September 2010 @ 6:12pm

  472. 472: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    I am the wind too!! VJJJJJ!!!
    i’ve been the wind for so long

    now im learnign to be water

    and the earth


    that makes me horny

    Wednesday, 15 September 2010 @ 6:22pm

  473. 473: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    I’m a gemini and i go super deep with ish. i feel stabbed in the stomach that i will now not be seen as what i want to be seen.

    i am deep

    i don’t want to be told i’m not deep

    i feel angry

    i feel powerless

    i feel discriminated agains

    i feel really mad

    i don’t like this

    this doesn’t feel good

    i reject this

    i don’t believe this

    thank you


    Wednesday, 15 September 2010 @ 6:28pm

  474. 474: JlinaNo Gravatar says:

    HIP HOPPPITY HOORAY….I HAVE MISSED YOU MISSED YOU MISSED YOU LG…and duly noted you never came back when you said you would!!!! (felt a little abandoned…sad me….)

    The earth notes all things and has a loooooong memory – like ents in Tolkien? I feel like laughing cuz laughing goddess is back – and dang if that wasn’t Lucy description of posts its so right on, I feel I’ll never pin her down. heee….makes me glad to be a capricorn after all – although actually I have friends that are so deep rooted they make me seem like a bird!

    ‘kay I’m good now, and my world is back in order!

    PS – YEAH Erika!!!

    Wednesday, 15 September 2010 @ 6:29pm

  475. 475: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i feel really angry and ima shake the earth now and fill it with mud and eat it. yum. with water. and salt.

    Wednesday, 15 September 2010 @ 6:29pm

  476. 476: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Hello, Wind Daria!

    I was wind and fire as a child and teen.

    I was the earth for a long time in my 30’s and early 40’s . . . birthing and raising children, being solid and stable for them, functioning in steady roles at church and in the community.

    Now I am the wind again.

    I would like to be water too.

    I would like to be the ocean crashing on the shore of my lover…. the river flowing through his heart…..

    Wednesday, 15 September 2010 @ 6:36pm

  477. 477: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Daria, she didn’t say we are not deep — she said we may SEEM not deep to people who don’t “get” us.

    Wednesday, 15 September 2010 @ 6:38pm

  478. 478: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    blah, i’ve read it all. horse dookie i say, gime rubies and gold in the donkeys poo-pie

    Wednesday, 15 September 2010 @ 6:47pm

  479. 479: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    No wonder I felt like Merry and Pippin at the mercy of Treebeard. :)

    Wednesday, 15 September 2010 @ 6:49pm

  480. 480: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    LOL, Daria! What do you say is horse dookie? Astrology?

    Wednesday, 15 September 2010 @ 6:50pm

  481. 481: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Yay for being a gemini!

    (even if it is horse dookie)

    Yay for being me!!!

    Wednesday, 15 September 2010 @ 6:54pm

  482. 482: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    My curiosity, though, wants to know (LG?) why Jacqueline (or Jlina???? did the earth shift on that???)…

    why Jacqueline feels a need to “pin me down” but others on here don’t feel that need……?

    Is it because she is a capricorn?

    And why doesn’t she feel the need to pin down other Geminis, like LG and Daria?

    Wednesday, 15 September 2010 @ 7:00pm

  483. 483: AmberSNo Gravatar says:

    Ah Luce-How many stars are there in the heavens? My guess would be that a complete astro chart would show many differences in your planetary makeup.

    The beauty is that we can see our astrological ‘shortcomings’ or ‘weaknesses’ as as places to focus our healing energy and growth…

    Wednesday, 15 September 2010 @ 7:33pm

  484. 484: JlinaNo Gravatar says:

    Yes, the earth shifted….and you didn’t even see it! heeee….

    you change moment to moment to me, LG & Daria are always so goddesey….they have very strong voices. your voice confuses me, you’re a contradiction like a starburst commercial….I feel I hurt you, you say I didn’t; I feel stuff about you that is incongruent but if I say it I either don’t get an answer or I get one that doesn’t make sense….you don’t just open up your arms and GIVE the way they do, to me. which is not bad, just different. They both just give their hearts away on here, to me. Your heart is guarded and wants to be given to a man, not the whole wide world…feels like…and that’s really the absolute best I can do with these feelings.

    AND I HATE HATE HATE change!!! LOL…..

    yep I may be passionate and I may be sexy and sexual and ugh…not wanting to eat dirt …..but I do not like anything to change! period. Of course it always does….

    laughing at me….


    I have to have a lot of names for me, I’m a contradiction too! (soft and squishy on the inside)!

    Wednesday, 15 September 2010 @ 7:36pm

  485. 485: JlinaNo Gravatar says:


    sweet dreams!

    and to all, a good nite…OMGosh is it Christmas already???


    Wednesday, 15 September 2010 @ 7:38pm

  486. 486: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Yes, I saw the earth shift — saw it even before it happened, actually — just was unsure if I was “allowed” to use Jlina or if you still wanted me to use Jacqueline, since you had previously been so adamant about it with me personally. I feel like I am walking on eggshells around you — I feel like you want certain things from me, but I can’t quite figure out what they are.

    Wednesday, 15 September 2010 @ 7:45pm

  487. 487: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    “I feel stuff about you that is incongruent but if I say it I either don’t get an answer or I get one that doesn’t make sense”

    Ditto! I feel the same way with you!

    Wednesday, 15 September 2010 @ 7:47pm

  488. 488: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    “you don’t just open up your arms and GIVE the way they do, to me.”

    Jacqueline, I have been giving and giving and giving and giving to you — yet you don’t see it — that’s part of what frustrates me so much! I feel constantly pulled on by you, like I do with needy men, and I feel like no matter how much I give, it’s never enough, or not what you wanted — and, as I’ve said over and over, I can’t figure out exactly what it is you want from me — but I can feel that you want something from me, so strongly, yet I can’t seem to reach you — in spite of my giving, I can’t seem to give you what you want from me…..

    Wednesday, 15 September 2010 @ 7:51pm

  489. 489: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    “Your heart is guarded and wants to be given to a man, not the whole wide world….”

    This is the problem I have with you, Jacqueline. You repeatedly make judgments about me, repeatedly express disapproval of me.

    I DO give my heart to the whole world, my heart is not guarded. IF you knew me — as MANY people do — even some women on here — you would know this is true.

    I feel angry being judged that way.

    Wednesday, 15 September 2010 @ 7:58pm

  490. 490: JacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    rofl….I am needy!!!! that’s it….and needy drives you crazy. I don’t want anything but to know who you ARE Lucy…and I’m getting clearer within all this. I do love my long name, thank you for honoring it, but then I realized I shouldn’t be earthy/triggered by it, so I changed it….and now I want it back! omgosh, so I will put it back!….I am also giving and giving here, because I would never go through all this for a guy. So, peace, Lucydarlingness and just be you, okay? No neediness no pressure from me, promise!

    Jacqueline Anne

    Wednesday, 15 September 2010 @ 8:00pm

  491. 491: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    “I feel I hurt you, you say I didn’t”

    No, you didn’t hurt me. But I believe you are trying very hard to do so. It feels like that is your intent. It feels like that is what you want from me. It feels like you want to crush me.

    Wednesday, 15 September 2010 @ 8:05pm

  492. 492: Laughing goddessNo Gravatar says:

    Apple Jacks: is that Meyer Briggs that you are referring to? I don’t know anything about it, not even sure if that’s the name, but I feel curious??? Please tell more.

    Wednesday, 15 September 2010 @ 8:07pm

  493. 493: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    “I don’t want anything but to know who you ARE Lucy”

    Jacqueline! Then WHY OH WHY did you tell me repeatedly that you do NOT want to know who I am!!!!

    I see YOU as contradicting yourself over and over with this!

    Wednesday, 15 September 2010 @ 8:07pm

  494. 494: Laughing goddessNo Gravatar says:

    I feel confident that Lucy and Jaqueline are going to be good friends one day (maybe now) and I feel honored to witness the process.

    Wednesday, 15 September 2010 @ 8:08pm

  495. 495: JacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    This is going waaaay to far and I want to stop it; I am sorry I answered, I am sorry I spoke and I do not want to crush you or anyone else. I said I surrender, I will leave you be, you are okay with me, etc., etc. I cannot say anymore. I am SORRY and I sincerely hope this will be the moving on tool we need here. I have joked, cajoled, been earnest….and now I am being apologetic. It’s the best I have, I hope it will end now.


    Wednesday, 15 September 2010 @ 8:10pm

  496. 496: Laughing goddessNo Gravatar says:

    as they forge their relationship…ever evolving warrior women goddess magic medicine siren divas that they are.

    Wednesday, 15 September 2010 @ 8:11pm

  497. 497: JacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    LG….arm doing fine? I really am leaving now….but hope to catch up tomorrow!!

    Hi! AJ!

    Wednesday, 15 September 2010 @ 8:11pm

  498. 498: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    LG, thanks for the vote of confidence. I hope you are right….. At the moment, it feels doubtful. :(

    Wednesday, 15 September 2010 @ 8:16pm

  499. 499: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    LG, yes, it is Myers-Briggs (I think that’s the correct spelling??) Not sure if Apple Jacks is still around tonight… Mine is similar to AJ’s — INFJ/P

    Wednesday, 15 September 2010 @ 8:19pm

  500. 500: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    LG, are you still here? Can you help me know what to do here with Jacqueline? I feel so sad…..

    Wednesday, 15 September 2010 @ 8:19pm

  501. 501: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    Wow…… Look at this page!

    Hi LG!!!! Omg I have been mentally composing an email to you!

    Nite Jlina :) thx for those words….

    Oh Lucy,

    Wow. I’ll start by sharing.. LG had some great insights about caps and gems….. But I’m going to say it’s your moons colliding as well. Jlina has that moon in Scorpio layered under a super earthy power sign. Think- stone scorpion trying to play with a watercolor butterfly…. Imagine the frustration…..stone scorp needs to feel something but watercolor butterflies ….well the scorp can’t feel it. Meanwhile the butterfly is frustrated and fluttery wondering WTF ! Can’t this stone scorp see these fab colors floating through the sky….omg….I’m all translucent and awesome….feeling totally unseen here!!!!? Scorp is screaming; I do see you!!! But dammit I don’t feel anything!!!
    Butterfly says…..feel with your eyes, not with your stinger!
    Giggles ensue…. And scorpio decides to amputate friendship…..feels bad…comes back to scene of crime….. back to try again…remember it’s a fixed sign….and honestly needs control to feel safe……so not being able to pin down a Gemini is annoying to say the least. Nothing personal….very uncomfortable…..add that to Capricorn and whoa!

    Wednesday, 15 September 2010 @ 8:59pm

  502. 502: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Oh, Nikita, thank you so much! I am actually crying with relief and feeling-heard-ness. I was afraid I wasn’t going to be able to sleep tonight. This whole thing reminds me of the conflict I grew up with with my mother — I could never be what she wanted me to be, no matter how hard I tried. I always felt so rejected and sad — and that’s how I feel with this.

    “Butterfly says…..feel with your eyes, not with your stinger!”

    Yes! That is the cry of my heart! How eloquently expressed!

    “scorpio… honestly needs control to feel safe”

    Big sigh of relief. That’s what I had sensed intuitively. My mother is that way, too. Now I kinda feel compassion for my mom and Jacqueline — they can’t hold back the wind, so they feel unsafe. I knew my mom had control issues, but I didn’t know it was because of a need to feel safe.

    Wednesday, 15 September 2010 @ 9:12pm

  503. 503: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Oops!!! Daria, I just did the same freakin thing!!!!!!!

    Wednesday, 15 September 2010 @ 9:13pm

  504. 504: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Oh, Nikita, thank you so much! I am actually crying with relief and feeling-heard-ness. I was afraid I wasn’t going to be able to sleep tonight. This whole thing reminds me of the conflict I grew up with with my mother — I could never be what she wanted me to be, no matter how hard I tried. I always felt so rejected and sad — and that’s how I feel with this.

    “Butterfly says…..feel with your eyes, not with your stinger!”

    Yes! That is the cry of my heart! How eloquently expressed!

    “scorpio… honestly needs control to feel safe”

    Big sigh of relief. That’s what I had sensed intuitively. My mother is that way, too. Now I kinda feel compassion for my mom and Jacqueline — they can’t hold back the wind, so they feel unsafe. I knew my mom had control issues, but I didn’t know it was because of a need to feel safe.

    Wednesday, 15 September 2010 @ 9:13pm

  505. 505: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Sorry, Nikita, I messed up! Waaaaa!

    Wednesday, 15 September 2010 @ 9:14pm

  506. 506: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    I got Capricorn Moon

    Sun in Gemini, Ascendant in Gemini, Mercury in Gemini

    Venus in Taurus = yeah!

    Mars in Libra (wishy washy? waaah… not quite tho, but quite the Pimp… i see libra as dressed as a pimp”

    Wednesday, 15 September 2010 @ 9:33pm

  507. 507: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    I don’t feel safe either. :(

    Wednesday, 15 September 2010 @ 9:48pm

  508. 508: Laughing goddessNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Lucy. I feel relieved that you are feeling better now and that Nikita’s words felt soothing. My only other suggestion would be to try and take Jaqueline’s words personally. Standing outside the situation, I can see that she is trying to connect. Some people connect through directness and bluntness and honesty. I feel understanding of how it may feel uncomfortable or prickly to you just as your butterfly-ness feels unsafe? to her. But really, I do see the potential for a great friendship between the two of you as you get to know and understand each other better.

    It takes all the elements, and butterflies, and scorpians, and everything to keep the world in balance and you are all playing our parts beautifully. And even though there are differences in how we interact with the world, ultimately we all come from the same basic energy which is love yummy love!

    Ultimately we get to choose if we want to follow the path of being triggered or follow the path of feeling good. :-)


    Wednesday, 15 September 2010 @ 9:51pm

  509. 509: Laughing goddessNo Gravatar says:


    Hi, arm is much better, thanks for asking.

    Sound like you are off for the night. I’m wondering how you are feeling right now?

    Catch up tomorrow I guess…


    Wednesday, 15 September 2010 @ 9:54pm

  510. 510: Apple JacksNo Gravatar says:

    Laughing goddess,

    yes it is the briggs-myers thingy hehe. I feel like that was the one and only personality description that described me to an absolute T. I am an INFP through and through, which is an Introvert, Intuitive, Feeling, Perceiving. The description though, how I think and how I view things and even the description of my childhood and teenage years were very spot on. Everything else is always, eh maybe a little here and a little there, but I never felt connected to the description of being a Leo which is extrovert and life of the party. It tends to frustrate me.

    Wednesday, 15 September 2010 @ 10:00pm

  511. 511: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    LG, thanks. My problem right now is that I feel unsafe with the judgments and disapproval. It makes me feel like it’s not safe to be me here. I feel like I keep getting slapped on the hand.

    Also, can you help me understand why I keep hearing Jacqueline changing her mind about wanting to know me? Is that what is happening — she is changing her mind each time? Thanks.

    I really do want to understand.

    Wednesday, 15 September 2010 @ 10:03pm

  512. 512: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    “Some people connect through directness and bluntness and honesty.”

    That’s actually how *I* usually am — or was, until I learned feeling messages.

    So that’s interesting……

    And that’s why I switched over to directness and bluntness to Jacqueline in those last few posts — I had actually been trying to avoid doing so, because I didn’t want to escalate the conflict — and I didn’t want to judge her either — and the result of my directness and bluntness was that she said it had gone way too far and she wanted it to end. ….

    So, still confused now….

    Wednesday, 15 September 2010 @ 10:07pm

  513. 513: JacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    Hey….just checking in on this – Lucy you sound to me like my mother! wow that is weird. I had asked you before and I will ask again that you email me so we can have a true heart to heart, but I won’t put Brenda in the middle – my email is I am not changing my mind, I want to know you in the sense of what you believe in, what you stand for, what matters to you in life, what you think your life purpose is, what you have accomplished that matters the most to you….what is your dream?

    NOT so I can judge you, just so I can feel I know you! I have apologized and said I’m sorry….so if you still feel like I’m slapping your hand I can’t fix it – it’s got to be some sort of trigger situation. I am really sorry!!!

    and lol wow, what a compliment – a stone scorpion? argh….

    Lucy I promise not to put you on the spot or comment in any way negatively again. I want to go to bed happy and at peace. I had my first distance healing with Katarina and it felt good, I don’t want this nagging at me…..

    what do you think butterfly?


    Wednesday, 15 September 2010 @ 10:10pm

  514. 514: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    “I am not changing my mind”

    I feel utterly baffled by this, Jacqueline.

    Wednesday, 15 September 2010 @ 10:15pm

  515. 515: JacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    I am not changing my mind back and forth about wanting to know you. I said I had stopped wanting to know you because I felt it wasn’t going anywhere. I never quit wanting to know you I made myself stop; and I really want to go to bed…..It is not baffling, it is again, just WORDS…my intention is to get to know the authentic Lucy if you don’t want to okay. If you don’t want to email, okay. I don’t want to be seen as a bully, either. What do you want?

    Wednesday, 15 September 2010 @ 10:19pm

  516. 516: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    So, what did you mean when you said you DON’T want to know me — that you had wanted to, but were giving up?

    Wednesday, 15 September 2010 @ 10:19pm

  517. 517: JacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    see above….

    Wednesday, 15 September 2010 @ 10:19pm

  518. 518: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Right now I am logged on with an email address that I can’t share, but later or tomorrow, I will email you from my other addy.

    Wednesday, 15 September 2010 @ 10:21pm

  519. 519: Laughing goddessNo Gravatar says:

    Lucy: in #506, I meant to say don’t take her words personally. Not do :-)

    Something that has been coming up for me lately is I’m finding it feels way better to be super in the moment with what is going on with my interactions with people. If you were to let everything go except for Jaqueline’s most recent post to you, #493, and just really be present with that one post and the energy behind it, you might feel better. I know remembering some of the things she said in the past might hurt, but right now she is saying “you are okay with me”. That’s the conclusion she has come to after this discourse. It feels like an acceptance of you.

    I know the previous words hurt but that’s the past and they cant be taken back but we can choose to let them go and forgive and step in what’s happening in the present.

    I’m remembering in one of Eckhart Tolle’s books where he describes how ducks don’t hold on to fights. After a disagreement they just shake it off and go about their day.

    How does that feel?

    Wednesday, 15 September 2010 @ 10:23pm

  520. 520: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    “…..It is not baffling” LOL. It is not baffling to YOU, because you are inside your own head!

    But, YES, it IS baffling to ME.

    That’s the kind of thing I’m talking about!

    Wednesday, 15 September 2010 @ 10:23pm

  521. 521: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    Hehehe :) Daria,

    Im liking that combo you got going there…. Reminds me of my boy saying ” bulletproof monk”. Venus in Taurus explains to me all those food posts! O love the food posting you do!!!
    Gemini is great, it’s a little known secret that Gemini women are very intuitive and know much more than they let on. I’d never consider it a superficial sign. Mercury is Gemini’s ruler- the messenger god-rules communication…. And is the mark of a writer. Rules the hands, arm, and lungs….Gemini should avoid cigarettes….. Take care of those lungs….1 part baby doll and 1 part femme fatale :) not to be underestimated….and great kissers…. Well, very oral 😉

    Wednesday, 15 September 2010 @ 10:24pm

  522. 522: JacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    ‘kay my eyes are crossed between here and my blog! talk soon!


    Wednesday, 15 September 2010 @ 10:24pm

  523. 523: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Hi LG. The problem with that, is that this has happened repeatedly. She comes to a point of saying “you are okay with me” but then a couple days later she is judging and disapproving of me again — it starts all over again — and then, again, she eventually says “you are okay with me” until the next time I’m not okay with her again. So, I guess what I’m saying is that, from experience, I don’t feel I can trust her words.

    Wednesday, 15 September 2010 @ 10:27pm

  524. 524: JacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    LG – I am feeling pretty darn good! Today was my one year anniv. although there are some financial issues it was nice; my blog grade went from a 32 to a 94!; I sent Reiki to someone; I joined a writers critique group; I got more friends from a Powerful Intentions group and put CODE onto my blog that turned into a badge thingy at the top and looks great! I walked 3 miles and I embraced Lucy! and now you’ve kept your word and returned…I am happy!

    well cept I’m not cement and don’t sting…..much….

    and Daria’s eating mud and trying to be a Daisy which is just waaaay too much change for me to even attempt to wrap my mind around.

    sweet dreams to all yall dahlings!

    Wednesday, 15 September 2010 @ 10:29pm

  525. 525: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    I do forgive you, Jacqueline.

    Wednesday, 15 September 2010 @ 10:32pm

  526. 526: JacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    oh, nooooooo, puhleeze don’t start talking about me in third person while I’m right here. There is no problem!!!! we can
    1. email
    2. never mention each others names again
    3. pretend this never happened
    4. do the walk away
    5. but agree to disagree AND

    6. share the same space.

    Lucy, please choose a number 1 – 6 and let me know. I will abide by your choice forever on this blog if you will just choose and finish this now. Please.

    Wednesday, 15 September 2010 @ 10:33pm

  527. 527: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    Oh, oops…Jlina,
    Im hearing sarcasm and hurt with the stone scorpion compliment – to me it seems powerful. I was thinking clay, or granite….would that have been better? But I wanted to convey the strength and super solidity in contrast to the way I read the correspondence between you. I feel I may have overstepped based on your reaction….it does feel refreshing to see some wispy softness from you though :) aww….

    Wednesday, 15 September 2010 @ 10:35pm

  528. 528: Laughing goddessNo Gravatar says:

    Ha ha Nikita! I’m laughing about the oral comment. I’ve been told several times that I give great ummmmmm bj’s.

    Don’t really do it so much anymore after reading Rori say that we don’t necessarily want to create that energy of giving to a man…but I still do it occassionally as a special treat and I do enjoy it myself.

    I also really resonate with “it’s a little known secret that Gemini women are very intuitive and know much more than they let on.”

    I don’t really reveal the depth of myself often and people tend to think I am much younger than I am because I project a sort of innocence or naïveté when really I’ve had tons of life experience. For me though, I tend to put myself in new situations and new social groups and I find myself being quiet about my own experiences because I am interested in discovery the experiences of the new groups. I’m uncertain if I articulated that well.

    I don’t feel triggered by the descriptions I read sometimes of Geminis being superficial or not going too deep into any one subject. I can relate to it and I don’t interpret it as a bad thing.

    Wednesday, 15 September 2010 @ 10:38pm

  529. 529: AmberSNo Gravatar says:

    Lucy- What would it feel like if you just trusted you?

    LG- being present is very useful. Thanks for the reminder!

    Does anyone here remember that thing that happened back in 2001 with the mother/daughter team that were posting as a terminally ill teenager? I just found the archived copy of my old web site and there are posts all over it from “KC”.

    I’m feeling…

    Like it would be good for me to be present! And asleep!!!

    Wednesday, 15 September 2010 @ 10:38pm

  530. 530: JacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    how about diamond or rose quartz???? tourmaline? anything prettier than cement? lol….and no it wasn’t sarcasm….it was just what I said – ugh cement – but you said stone, huh? so I can live with that….as long as I get to be pretty stone.

    I actually have a huge sense of humor, you just don’t know me that well and this is a weird weird nite for me,


    Wednesday, 15 September 2010 @ 10:39pm

  531. 531: AmberSNo Gravatar says:

    feeling martyr complex resistance anger

    Whoa. I’m going to sleep now. Maybe my unconscious mind will sort this for me.

    Wednesday, 15 September 2010 @ 10:41pm

  532. 532: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Jacqueline, I tried to “finish it” earlier today by telling you that I accepted your decision to not want to get to know me.

    I was fully prepared to let it go at that point. I was, in fact, letting it go.

    But — you chose to keep it going.

    Now you want to end it.

    And I am feeling that you want to be in control — you couldn’t allow me to end it when I was trying to end it earlier —

    just as you have said about your “program” — “It’s not over til I say it’s over” or something like that — you want to be in control

    But I don’t want to be controlled by another person.

    You can do what you want, but please don’t try to control me.

    Wednesday, 15 September 2010 @ 10:41pm

  533. 533: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks, Amber, I do trust me. And that feels good!

    Wednesday, 15 September 2010 @ 10:42pm

  534. 534: Laughing goddessNo Gravatar says:

    It’s so interesting to me how some things trigger me and some don’t. And it feels stay centered when I’m not feeling triggered. I’m hoping you all will remind me of all of this when I am in the throes of a trigger-athon. Because when that happens I seem to forget everything I know and my wounded self takes over.

    Wednesday, 15 September 2010 @ 10:43pm

  535. 535: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    I really like the bring you right in conversation voice Jaqueline writes with on her blog. it makes it very easy to read.

    I feel jealous of her fearlessness in writing organized content consistently, and contacting all these people and setting up interviews.

    I would love to do stuff like that effortlessly. That would feel nice! I want that. Angels! please help me have this.

    Thank you!

    Wednesday, 15 September 2010 @ 10:45pm

  536. 536: JacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    Great! I will do what I want – and, okay, I choose #s 4, 5 & 6. Thanks and goodnite.

    Night, Amber, sorry if we triggered you???

    Wednesday, 15 September 2010 @ 10:45pm

  537. 537: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    a rose quartz scorpion! whoa! i want a fuschia with darker undertones.

    what looks tourmaline? like… i shall research

    Wednesday, 15 September 2010 @ 10:47pm

  538. 538: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    I do find it interesting that from all I wrote the only thing J appeared to take issue with was my choice of element for the scorpion…..I’m feeling curious about the control aspect- does it resonate…. Needing control to feel safe? Because offering multiple choice options to a woman along with a time limit ……Is still controlling the outcome and laying out the playing field …..
    I will go on record and say my ascendant is Scorpio – so I’m kinda partial to the scorpion… I was loving the whole gemstone scorpion myself 😉

    Wednesday, 15 September 2010 @ 10:49pm

  539. 539: JacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks Daria, it is a little scary, but well, all they can really do is say no. So, once I get past that it’s fun and wow! been getting a lot of yeses, which is double fun.

    I wondered about writing there like I write here, and just took the plunge – it feels so good for someone to tell me what they think about it, that’s why I joined the writer’s critique group.

    I feel honored….

    and I’m going to let all this drain away and shine a light on my heart, thank you for that too!


    Wednesday, 15 September 2010 @ 10:49pm

  540. 540: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    please don’t try to control me. LOL! this looks controlling!

    Wednesday, 15 September 2010 @ 10:49pm

  541. 541: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    Oh yeah, I love Jlina’s blog voice too.

    Wednesday, 15 September 2010 @ 10:50pm

  542. 542: JacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    Nikita I’m laughing, what you call control I call completion! but I’ll certainly let it percolate…thanks!

    Wednesday, 15 September 2010 @ 10:50pm

  543. 543: girlNo Gravatar says:

    Stone Scorpios and Watercolor Geminis sound so cool. I am beginning to wish I didn’t tell D that something feels off in our sexual connection. Cause the problem is magnified tenfold. And I am beginning to wish that I had recorded all the wonderful things about our relationship here instead of all the awful moments, cause they were brief, and the wonderful moments were many, but I’m so sad cause he’s leaving, and now this little era is coming conclusively to an end. I finally am beginning to feel this situation (I was feeling numb before) but now I feel so so sad. devastated. We went to a really fantastic dinner tonight. It was a Beer Dinner for a local brewery at a restaurant where his good friend is the head chef. It was awesome. And then Tiger Woods made an appearance at D’s restaurant, though he left before we got there. So I was totally digging this little adventure, which is just one of many wonderful memories that we share…and then he started talking about “Us”…and then things got a lot less good. He accidentally slammed my head into a dresser while trying to kiss me passionately. He went to kiss my breasts, and then knocked me in the nose with the back of his head on his way back up. He burped when trying a tender slow kiss. And on and on with the foibles. It was ridiculous. And he kept wanting to gaze into my eyes, and I could see him as cute, but I wasn’t able to find that girly spot where I was able to feel girlier than him and turned on. i felt judgmental, in my head, thinking about how I don’t feel turned on by his dad. And even though he’s very accomplished and wonderful in many ways, he isn’t so far evolved from his father. Who is a nice, guy, and now I’m feeling guilty for judging. yikes. But I do feel turned off by his family quite a bit. In fact, that’s when I felt like I lost interest – I met his family, and I felt worried about whether they would click with mine. And I felt worried about how I don’t really feel like relaxing with them as though they are my own. I feel very very proud of my family and I feel proud to introduce them to a man. I can tell D feels uncomfortable/ashamed introducing me to his family. Especially of his brother. This all feels bad/judgmental. I was noticing this while I was out with D. I thought, if my judgment and his insecurity wasn’t present, we’d be having an awesome time right now. I feel curious about what I observed…

    Wednesday, 15 September 2010 @ 10:50pm

  544. 544: DariaNo Gravatar says:


    geminis are butterflies

    Wednesday, 15 September 2010 @ 10:52pm

  545. 545: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    Gemini: Jack – of – all – trades

    For LG 😉

    Wednesday, 15 September 2010 @ 10:55pm

  546. 546: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    “please don’t try to control me. LOL! this looks controlling!”

    Point taken, Daria.

    How about a do-over?

    This feels awful. I don’t want to feel like someone is trying to control me. [walk away]

    Is that better?

    Wednesday, 15 September 2010 @ 10:56pm

  547. 547: Laughing goddessNo Gravatar says:

    I feel so embarrassed by my typing tonight! On my phone and tired and not feeling thrilled about my articulation but I choose to love and accept myself anyway.

    I hear authenticity in Jaqueline’s intent to move on. I understand that it’s hard to trust, Lucy, what if trusting is the most loving action you could take for youself right now?

    What if you reframed the situation?

    Wow, this conversation with J really felt bad earlier and I feel relieved now that we are moving on.

    I feel curious about this beautiful solid earth that I am standing on and that J represents.

    I feel gratitude for this earths stability. Thank you for being rigid (I mean rigid in a good way) earth for creating the foundation upon which I can blow and move and float and play.

    How does that feel?

    Wednesday, 15 September 2010 @ 10:57pm

  548. 548: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Lucy – yup! Just imagine how easily this can happen with a guy. very important with that pause and silence. im like 60% silent. 20% wisdom, humor, and passion stories – it feels good hearing myself say this stuff… and my energy feels good. soemtimes guys interrupt me though, and that feels bad. and 20% feeling messages

    Wednesday, 15 September 2010 @ 10:58pm

  549. 549: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    I got away from using feeling messages and don’t wants in this convo because Jacqueline has said she prefers “boy voice.” I thought maybe she would be able to understand me better if I used boy voice too.

    Wednesday, 15 September 2010 @ 10:58pm

  550. 550: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    I feel jealous. I represent the earth too dammit. Rrr.

    ME earth. you ogun. us sex life blood baby.

    Wednesday, 15 September 2010 @ 10:59pm

  551. 551: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Yes — 546 — absolutely! That’s why I LOVE Rori’s way of communicating! It feels so much kinder and not controlling!!! That is why Rori had originally said that she herself is the only one who is to use boy voice on her blog. That felt good to me.

    Wednesday, 15 September 2010 @ 11:01pm

  552. 552: girlNo Gravatar says:

    To me, the story about butterflies and scorpios isn’t necessarily about people born at a certain time, but it does accurately describe relationship dynamics that can be difficult to articulate – it feels good to read a beautiful description of something so abstract. Same deal with Alpha and Beta people. I don’t think people are necessarily one or the other, but these are characteristics that any person can embody, and are easily observable. Though qualities such as height, a deep voice, physical strength, vitality, etc lend themselves to respective classifications.

    Ugh.. I was so in my head I almost forgot that i have horrible cramps and I feel pouty. And all juicy from crying. I had a steady stream of tears coming from my eyes (grieving D leaving) and then it turned so weird. He just called and it got even weirder. He was asking me questions we already discussed when he was hear and I felt annoyed.

    Wednesday, 15 September 2010 @ 11:03pm

  553. 553: Laughing goddessNo Gravatar says:

    I love the gemstone scorpian! What a lovely image!

    I’m a Gemini sun, venus, and saturn

    Leo moon and rising

    Cancer mercury and mars (in the twelfth house)

    what does it all mean?!?? :-)

    Nikita, I feel curious about your email to me?

    Wednesday, 15 September 2010 @ 11:06pm

  554. 554: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Hi again, LG. Thanks for your comments. I feel afraid I will frustrate you with my response. :(

    Your reframe sounds lovely . . . But I am not experiencing Jacqueline as solid and stable. I am experiencing rumbles and little earthquakes. I do not feel like I am on safe, solid ground with her. It feels like the earth keeps shaking and I don’t know what it’s going to do next. It feels like it could crack open and swallow me.

    Wednesday, 15 September 2010 @ 11:07pm

  555. 555: NikitaNo Gravatar says:


    Or, I don’t feel obligated to give completion or closure or any other information about myself. I hope you understand and if not I respect your feelings either way but I feel uncomfortable with these (proposed options) crumbs!!! Lol!

    Wednesday, 15 September 2010 @ 11:10pm

  556. 556: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    hehe – i feel amused thinking about explaining as a form of control.



    Wednesday, 15 September 2010 @ 11:11pm

  557. 557: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Nikita — “Because offering multiple choice options to a woman along with a time limit ……Is still controlling the outcome and laying out the playing field …..”

    Thanks for noticing that. That’s how I felt too.

    Wednesday, 15 September 2010 @ 11:14pm

  558. 558: Laughing goddessNo Gravatar says:

    I feel intrigued by systems like astrology but I don’t subscribe to them religiously. I believe that we all have everything within us. I feel comfortable with the dichotomy.

    Daria: I’m hearing your Capricorn moon asking for some acknowledgement. That’s some strong earth right there.

    Wednesday, 15 September 2010 @ 11:14pm

  559. 559: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    “Or, I don’t feel obligated to give completion or closure or any other information about myself. I hope you understand and if not I respect your feelings either way but I feel uncomfortable with these (proposed options) crumbs!!! Lol!”

    Yes, Nikita!

    Wednesday, 15 September 2010 @ 11:16pm

  560. 560: Laughing goddessNo Gravatar says:

    Lucy: I don’t feel frustrated. I hope you don’t feel frustrated with me for trying but not quite finding a reframe that works yet.

    Be back in a minute.

    Wednesday, 15 September 2010 @ 11:19pm

  561. 561: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Girl, I just read about what’s been happening with D. I feel so bad for BOTH of you! Poor guy — and poor you — head banging, burping, etc. — would be funny if the situation were different, ya know? But…. this is not funny at all, is it? :(

    Wednesday, 15 September 2010 @ 11:22pm

  562. 562: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    LG, I’m glad you don’t feel frustrated with me!

    No, I don’t feel frustrated with you at all! I feel grateful that you care enough to try to help. <3

    i also feel scared about being the girl with the curl in this situation……

    Wednesday, 15 September 2010 @ 11:25pm

  563. 563: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Girl – sorry you feel down and triggered. I actually feel excited for you to CD now! I can’t wait to hear about your adventures with a man who turns you ON!

    Wednesday, 15 September 2010 @ 11:25pm

  564. 564: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    Cap moon and a Taurus Venus…… Piss her off again and we might get a sandstorm!! Mwuahhahaa omg…I am not funny but I keep trying lol,

    Um LG,

    Well, I have watched up to 5 on the DVD stuff but….my LI has not watched them with me….even though I have asked…yes I gather asking is Less than stellar behavior but the gist of it is I am an awesome leader and he is…….not.
    He spoils her!!! Not entirely but it seems like most of the friction in my relationship is about child-rearing!!!! Omg, all I think about is how I am never having children with this man!!!!!!

    I don’t want children btw but this experience has ruled it out %100. How the Ef can I lean back and be pack leader?
    Just saying…..we can discuss later- but that’s basically the email….and him being a Taurus…umph! Annoy-ING!
    I feel mildly undermined with this fur ball in our life. She is mamas baby too :) but big bad him who is always out – while I spend almost 24hours correcting her and guiding her seems to think he knows better cuz he’s a “dog person” and I’m the cat person….. Hello! Cats are great pack leaders…I have trained for this my whole life! Lol! He’s just gum on my pink shoe!
    Rotten bull :(

    Wednesday, 15 September 2010 @ 11:26pm

  565. 565: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Daria — “i feel amused thinking about explaining as a form of control.”

    Yeah, I was aware of that when I was slipping into it a couple times here today. :( I have been trying not to.

    I wish I had done the walk away earlier instead of trying to explain.

    Wednesday, 15 September 2010 @ 11:28pm

  566. 566: NikitaNo Gravatar says:


    Come up this way for visits :)
    I want to see you in Boston so I can live vicariously through you. I feel selfish….I feel ok with that. He might just be clumsy tonight because of nerves and pressure…. The new job will be good for his masculinity and his masculinity will be good for you. Great revelation though; wishing you shared more of the good times here, it’s not too late 😉

    Wednesday, 15 September 2010 @ 11:31pm

  567. 567: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    Don’t complain don’t explain……yum, good for me to remember. I don’t owe you an explanation!!!!!!!!!!! I’m not explaining!!!!!!!!!! Must remember this……..(mental mutterance).

    Wednesday, 15 September 2010 @ 11:34pm

  568. 568: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Wait. There’s a problem with the not explaining thing — what do you do when a person keeps ASKING you to explain yourself????

    That’s what happened!

    I DID try to not explain. But that was not accepted.

    What do you do then????

    Wednesday, 15 September 2010 @ 11:37pm

  569. 569: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    A: Explain yourself.

    B: I don’t want to explain.

    A: But I want you to explain!

    B: I don’t want to explain.

    A: Please explain.

    B: I don’t want to explain.

    A: It will be better if you explain.

    B: Okay, I will explain. Here you go …. blah blah blah

    A: STOP IT!!!!! I don’t like this!!!!

    B: *sigh*

    Wednesday, 15 September 2010 @ 11:41pm

  570. 570: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Nikita, you live in Boston?

    Wednesday, 15 September 2010 @ 11:43pm

  571. 571: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    No :(

    But I have a Romance with Boston…….a fine romance 😉

    But I am in the northeast new England -ish area —-close!!

    Wednesday, 15 September 2010 @ 11:47pm

  572. 572: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    I don’t feel the need to explain :) hahaaaa!

    Wednesday, 15 September 2010 @ 11:48pm

  573. 573: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    For the record I adore Taurus men even through my frustration….I also adore scorpios…..just because even through the subterfuge :)

    Wednesday, 15 September 2010 @ 11:52pm

  574. 574: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Boy: you did this! you blah blah blah .

    girl: oohh, that feels bad. i don’t want to fight with you. SILENCE

    Boy: im not trying to fight. i jsut want to know why you did this

    girl: well… i feel weird… i don’t like being talked to in this tone. i feel stuck and like no words are coming out… im feeling all closed off and bad and i dont want to feel this way

    Wednesday, 15 September 2010 @ 11:58pm

  575. 575: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    Brilliant….. Nite

    Thursday, 16 September 2010 @ 12:03am

  576. 576: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    so i had a date with mr. dispassionate… and i practiced opening up instead of judging and it was “working” to put me in the feminine state and allow me to be attracted to him.

    but when he tried to stay too long, and i got the idea hes pressing for sex, and then when he kinda did press for sex

    (this was our first time spending time together, and it wound up being daylong due to him wanting to keep spending time with me and me not having other set plans and feeling open to it)

    then i felt closed off.

    and now i feel all not close to him or attracted to him.

    i told him i felt overwhelmed and want to take it slow.

    i think now i “have to” tell him i felt turned off and closed off.

    i want to feel turned on again

    on the phone, he sounds so low energy – hey babe, i just got off of work…

    ummm ok, i feel weird and kinda turned off and bored.

    i love me

    and my adventures.

    im seeing how this gets me the relationship i want.

    i learn how to BE IN a relationship with a man, throughout the day, maintaining the feminine.

    then one day one of them is going to have the resources to stay

    cuz they dont want to leave usually

    Thursday, 16 September 2010 @ 1:08am

  577. 577: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    daria, so if someone on the blog keeps wanting to know why i do the things i do – and explaining is control – but they don’t like it when i don’t explain – do i just write “i feel weird. i don’t want to feel this way”?

    Thursday, 16 September 2010 @ 1:32am

  578. 578: AmberSNo Gravatar says:

    Laughing Goddess- How was Burning Man?

    Thursday, 16 September 2010 @ 3:56am

  579. 579: DeniseNo Gravatar says:


    Nikita, I am in the Northeast area as well! I am an hour southwest of Boston.

    Thursday, 16 September 2010 @ 4:30am

  580. 580: girlNo Gravatar says:

    Oh Nikita, I’m so glad you like it there. Cause I’ve only visited briefly as a teenager, and I was thinking of moving up there with him, but when I researched life up there, all I kept coming up with is how HARD it is function in that place. so I was like “no thank ya.” I’m willing to be swayed upon visiting him. which I think I will do (assuming we don’t have too many more embarrassing/awkward/frustrating moments). Last night was a comedy of errors. I feel excited that it’s pretty early in the morning and he’s picking me up to take me grocery shopping for a dinner he’s preparing at his restaurant tonight.

    And Nikita, it would be super great to meet you up there!

    Thursday, 16 September 2010 @ 7:06am

  581. 581: Erika AwakeningNo Gravatar says:

    Lucy … listening space …

    LG, I missed you, was just thinking about you yesterday and then you reappeared :)

    Thursday, 16 September 2010 @ 7:31am

  582. 582: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    erika, what do you mean?

    Thursday, 16 September 2010 @ 7:53am

  583. 583: Jason MillerNo Gravatar says:

    78: Lucy

    I don’t think I answered this question about the nature of why feminine energy is so attractive. I wish I could adequately describe it here. I will give it some thought and probably make a blog post out of it. Just know that it’s not something you have to aspire to or strive for as a feminine woman. It’s about throwing off all the baggage and blocks that prevent it from radiating from your body. All women have it and can be really powerful with it if they are congruent about it.

    Thursday, 16 September 2010 @ 8:28am

  584. 584: Laughing goddessNo Gravatar says:

    Ooooo, I was going to come back last night and then dome stuff came up. Back now. Gonna catch up on the posts.

    Thursday, 16 September 2010 @ 8:50am

  585. 585: Laughing goddessNo Gravatar says:

    Lucy: I don’t see you as the girl with the curl. When I was feeling triggered a while back, you said some things that really helped me and I’m wanting to return the favor. I would probably feel uncomfortable if those questions were asked of me too yet from a somewhat distanced perspective, I can see that Jaqueline is trying to connect. I hear her saying that she tried some different approaches and she can see they didn’t work and now she wants to move on. I do feel confident that tense moments like this can produce miraculous results and unexpected friendships.

    I feel a lot of love and sweetness from both of you!

    Thursday, 16 September 2010 @ 9:01am

  586. 586: Laughing goddessNo Gravatar says:

    Nikita: haha! I feel amused because I had a similar situation with LI. I got puppy about two weeks before he and I really started spending a lot of time together and I had similar frustrations with him not applying cesar’s techniques. I continued watching the videos when he was around and also on my own. Eventually he came to see that I had a different relationship with the pup than he did and the pup actually respected me more. He eventually came around to respecting and applying Cesar’s techniques…but he had to see what wasn’t working first.

    I do still feel confused sometimes with being the pack leader to my dog and staying in feminine energy with the man. It’s a delicate balance.

    I’ve been feeling so proud of the pup lately. He’s ten months old and soooooo well behaved. This Cesar stuff really works for me but it was definitely a process getting there.

    I believe in you!

    Thursday, 16 September 2010 @ 9:11am

  587. 587: NikitaNo Gravatar says:


    I am waiting for this post on femininity with bated breath :)

    Thursday, 16 September 2010 @ 9:32am

  588. 588: Laughing goddessNo Gravatar says:

    Erika: I missed you too! I’ve been enjoying reading your updates and looking forward to the teleclass.

    Amber: ooooo burning man! I feel intrigued and amazed and also overwhelmed. It was my first time and I definitely want to go again. I felt so inspired by the art and creativity and expression. There seemed to be something for everyone there. Some things I didn’t really resonate with, some things I felt challenged by. I really appreciatedthe environment of openness and exploration and creation of new realities.

    Ironically, I made it through BM unscathed but the day after I came home and wiped out on my biked on the asphalt and scraped myself up pretty badly. This was after having a huge disagreement with LI. We were both exhausted and dehydrated and I believe that was the main reason for the fight. So anyway, I was riding my bike and upset and I wiped out really bad. It feels kind of weird cuz I don’t normally have physical injuries and I’ve had two in the past month. Wondering what’s going on with that.

    How are you? I’ve been enjoying your energy and contributions here.

    Thursday, 16 September 2010 @ 9:37am

  589. 589: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    Thx :)

    Her and I do have a different relationship… He thinks one has to have treats to keep her attention outside…but I only use praise :)
    She always comes when I call her but for him I guess it’s not as consistent(he babysits). He also absorbs her expenses so in a way he might feel as though she’s his….but he stresses that she’s mine…. Since we all live together she’s part of the family,( as Cesar says….the family’s dog) and as a family I’d feel way more secure if we were on the same page. He gets frustrated too because I go slow with her when I introduce her to anything-baths, leash, outside, scissors… instill a good experience for her and maintain her trust(my position as leader) then here he comes with his antsy energy and I can feel his energy! Sometimes it’s so strong I can feel mine shift and then I want to end the task because the conditions aren’t ideal. She’s great though….and smart…tooooooo smart! But she dominates him and I don’t think he knows, I tell him but he says “no she’s just being affectionate”….nah, I know dominant behavior when I see it…. And she does not try some of those things with me she does with him….but now she’s pouting when she doesn’t get her way!!!!! I will not tolerate pouting! I wonder where she learned pouting…. Mmmmm….

    Thursday, 16 September 2010 @ 9:44am

  590. 590: Laughing goddessNo Gravatar says:

    Nikita: I also noticed that men seem to be a little more resistant to Cesar and I’m guessing it’s because they are thinking “I already know this”. Especially a Taurus man!

    I feel for you and your frustrations :-)

    my LI is an Aries. He’s a pretty mild Aries but he still has a very firey side…especially when we have a disagreement. He’s not violent but wow! Very intense!!!

    I’m realizing that just as I must respect fire otherwise I will get burned, I need to respect him and not stick my hand in the fire. Ouch!!

    Thursday, 16 September 2010 @ 9:46am

  591. 591: NikitaNo Gravatar says:


    Did you notice a shift in your sex life? Like, puppy getting a little disconcerted…. Maybe I should e-mail you…. But as a cat person I don’t understand how people still have the same level of intimacy after getting a puppy…they are demanding creatures by the nature of them being babies.

    Thursday, 16 September 2010 @ 9:47am

  592. 592: NikitaNo Gravatar says:


    Ugh! You feel me then!!!!! My bull is of the worst variety! Aries moon!!!!!!!!!!!! He is impossible bully and firey and he’s a Leo rising!!!!!! My goodness…..pass me a morphine drip for this guy….. It is cute though he’s like a complete caveman….with a nice haircut :) but yes! He actually said “fine!, do it cesar’s way”….. I thought I smelled a little male competitive spirit thing in the air…..can I just mention his mars is in Taurus as well….. The worst :) but so cute

    Thursday, 16 September 2010 @ 9:51am

  593. 593: Laughing goddessNo Gravatar says:

    Haha Nikita, we’re cross posting. Sounds like you are doing great with her and I imagine he will see te results of that at some point.

    I understand the too smart thing. I used to have a dog like that. The pup, he’s not overly smart. Smart enough but not that kind of smart where he’s constantly trying to outsmart me. I found my really smart dog always kept me on my toes!

    What about energy levels? Is your girl a good match to you in that way?

    Thursday, 16 September 2010 @ 9:53am

  594. 594: NikitaNo Gravatar says:


    Oooh yes burning man….I have been interested in that for years! I only know of it from an astrology column I have read for about a decade…. Rob brezny -free will astrology… Love his horoscopes….I would read all of them because he’s so good and we have all of the signs in our charts….in any case ever since I keep saying….I must have this BM experience…
    As for your wipe-outs…I’d blame mercury retrograde :) and maybe a little unresolved anger…. If you can feel any?

    Thursday, 16 September 2010 @ 9:57am

  595. 595: Laughing goddessNo Gravatar says:

    Woah, taurus, leo, and aries?!?!

    What a powerful man you have! I imagine he’s quite the lover as well…bull, lion, ram. Oh my!

    Yes! Sex life changed a bit. I joke that we are in a threesome now. Not literally but sometimes it really feels like it.

    Thursday, 16 September 2010 @ 9:58am

  596. 596: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    Well, she’s too smart because of her breed! She’s like near the top…. Must send you a pic…as far as energy level I think so…..but I’m not sure…in hindsight she was pretty out there…compared to the others….he picked her out really. She stole his heart and it became clear. I wanted a girl because we were told they are more aloof and independent than the boys. Initially I wanted a boy but….. She’s sort of like the dog with the tie-dyed shirt and the peace sign (as he explains it) but that might be a breed thing too…she’s a climber though… On her hind legs a lot…and that’s how she was when we met her so I wonder…. But it feels right…she get a little crazy at the right times…but she is very chill….and cat-like

    Thursday, 16 September 2010 @ 10:03am

  597. 597: Laughing goddessNo Gravatar says:

    Yes on the unresolved anger thing. I noticed this tendency I have to want to hurt myself when I get really upset. It’s very below the surface and I feel weird saying it but it’s definitely something I am becoming aware of. It’s like I turn the unresolved anger on myself. Very destructive. Unintentional and subconscious, but I am gradually becoming more and more aware of it. I’ve been reading lots of Margaret Paul’s work on self abandonment to try and gain better clarity.

    Burning man! I suspect you would love it! So much art, creativity, and self-expression. If you do decide to go, I would recommend taking an RV. The environment is very intense and it’s crucial to have a place to go when you need peace and quiet.

    Thursday, 16 September 2010 @ 10:04am

  598. 598: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    Yes!!! The love triangle!!!! He was cuddling with her under the comforter last night!! I mean, c’mon! She sleeps in her crate though but every night he’s got her on the bed…and every morning he’s letting her out to snuggle with….on the bed. Too much…. And funny because he’s so big and manly like…. And she is very feminine…she melts him.

    Thursday, 16 September 2010 @ 10:06am

  599. 599: AmberSNo Gravatar says:


    Wow. I hope you’re okay after your wipe out!?!?! I’ve been told burning man is “EPIC”. The year I was all set to go I had an accident and scraped the skin off my arm & leg badly. Everybody went w/out me. Weird.

    I can only imagine how intense it would be to be there as a drummer. Does the drum circle go all night? Maybe you’ll write about it? And post pics?

    Thursday, 16 September 2010 @ 10:11am

  600. 600: NikitaNo Gravatar says:


    I just sent you a picture of this puppy…

    Thursday, 16 September 2010 @ 10:13am

  601. 601: Laughing goddessNo Gravatar says:

    Awww, I love hearing sharing about our dogs. My guy is very cat-like too and also gets excited at the right times and can chill when he needs to. What a relief! I used to have a dog that was super smart and hyper all the time. She was so sweet but it was a lot to handle. I wish I would have had Cesar then.

    I’ve always been partial to girl dogs. I wanted a girl but I was already committed to taking one from this litter and the momma had only one girl (who was spoken for) and three boys so I ended up with a boy. I’m finding it to be different but cool in it’s own way. We have a different kind of relationship than I’ve had with girl dogs in the past. He’s a total mama’s boy. I’m getting used to it and definitely appreciating the differences but ya, I normally prefer female dogs.

    Thursday, 16 September 2010 @ 10:15am

  602. 602: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    Sigh…an RV is going to balloon the budget dramatically but thanks… I shall keep my feelers out for a group that maybe I can connect with and share the expense…. Some BM vets :)

    Thursday, 16 September 2010 @ 10:16am

  603. 603: Laughing goddessNo Gravatar says:

    Oh my goodness! I feel melty seeing the picture of your pup Nikita! She so cute!

    Thursday, 16 September 2010 @ 10:22am

  604. 604: Katarina PhangNo Gravatar says:

    Turtle girl:

    “A good lover is a man who can experience a full blown range of love making. He has taken the time to understand and educate himself on women’s bodies. He is not afraid to ask questions or experiment. He can so really slow and sensual and build me up till I explode. He can also “do it down and dirty” and hard and fast. He uses his hands and his mouth and his penis as well. He can kiss all over, he can have oral sex and enjoy giving and receiving. He will look you in the eye while you are int he act. He is connected to you spiritually while he is making love. He is in other words really present. He can get lost and melt into the whole sexual/sexual/body experience and not be in his head or be somewhere else. I want a lover who is there with me. He is a slow, soft and hard kisser. He nibbles, he is playful. He is interested in pleasing me-ravishing me like an exquisite meal or a really expensive bottle of good wine. He SAVORS the experience.”

    Beautifully put, TG. It’s everything I have in SG.

    Thursday, 16 September 2010 @ 10:27am

  605. 605: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    Yup….. She steals hearts. But she’s a Taurus too… And she is very food motivated :) as well as having a little temper….it’s cute….it doesn’t work with me but he folds….and gives into her demands…. But when he isn’t around she is so chill….she has her toys and her naps.

    Thursday, 16 September 2010 @ 10:30am

  606. 606: Laughing goddessNo Gravatar says:

    We were right next to a camp of people from New York and they had a sweet setup. Rv’s not necessary especially if you hook up with some burners who know how to do it right. Good idea!

    I love how people get all dressed up and come up with fun costumes. Anything goes. I was intimidated by it at first but now I feel inspired.

    It would be so fun to have a goddess gathering on the playa! Who else wants to go?

    Thursday, 16 September 2010 @ 10:39am

  607. 607: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Lucy – “daria, so if someone on the blog keeps wanting to know why i do the things i do – and explaining is control – but they don’t like it when i don’t explain – do i just write “i feel weird. i don’t want to feel this way”?

    This is a great chance to practice what Rori says. share feelings and give the context in terms of whats true for you.

    “I feel weird . I don’t want to feel this way” is pretty context less… but I would use that when I feel tongue tied and pushed into a corner.

    Here’s a chance to practice!

    what WOULD you say?

    (PS – explaining is not a form of control if someone asks to learn something for example., It IS a form of control when we are feeling BAD and explaining in an effort to defend ourselves)

    ie… “but she asked me!!!” Control

    Is someone was asking me why i was doing something in a tone that I felt bad hearing, and I felt disapproved of and judged, and closed off and unsafe to share, I felt mistrustful of the question and it felt like an attack, I would say:

    (ooh and I really would love to heal this trigger because my mom does this all the time — “so did you get a job yet?” umm, mom i just woke up and i didn’t have a job last nite, so …. what do you think?? )

    I get triggered hard and I havent been able to get out more than I feel bad and leave the room.

    I could try: exploring here…

    ohh.. that question feels weird… i feel kind of attacked and judged… i don’t want to answer a question that feels bad to me.

    the truth is, i don’t trust that you are curious about me, but rather are already judging me and that feels bad and i feel angry.

    “wow… i feel kinda attacked by that question… i don’t want to be asked questions loaded with judgements… ”

    i mean, my guess is that will STILL trigger the other person, babysteps to finding somethign that works.

    Thursday, 16 September 2010 @ 10:48am

  608. 608: Laughing goddessNo Gravatar says:

    Amber: how did you scrape your leg? I feel excited about seeing you out there next year!

    I did find it to be epic. Also intense. It’s loud and lots of people and literally in the desert yet so magical and amazing.

    Drumming out there was kinda hard because we had to keep our crew of ten together through the duststorms and crowds and transport big drums all over the place. At one point, I was wondering why go to all the trouble but once we got to our location and played for this big crowd while the man was being burned and all the fireworks were going off…well, it all made sense.

    We had one guy come up to us after and tell us all week he had been looking for a special place to put his mother’s ashes to rest. He felt so inspired while we were playing that he was throwing her ashes into the wind and letting them blow all over us. It was a little weird to hear but also touching. There was a duststorm at the time. I didn’t realize that some of what I thought was dust was a person’s ashes!

    Thursday, 16 September 2010 @ 10:51am

  609. 609: NikitaNo Gravatar says:


    Wow, now i have a vision of me pouring out of an RV from NYC full of drag queens in fabulous costumes.

    Thursday, 16 September 2010 @ 10:53am

  610. 610: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    …I felt a little teary reading about his moms ashes….she may have been a dancer…or in love with a drummer or maybe it reminded him of her fave music….who knows…but drums are powerful in groups….something about feeling like they bridge us to the other side…invoking a soulful ecstasy ….

    Thursday, 16 September 2010 @ 10:57am

  611. 611: Turtle GirlNo Gravatar says:


    If you have that in a man (SG) , then lucky lucky you! If he is also a good communicator and a good man out of the sack then I would say keep that boy—-never let him go—hard to find THAT.

    I usually find good men that suck in bed or men that are great lovers and suck out of bed. I am waiting for both to show up………

    Thursday, 16 September 2010 @ 11:26am

  612. 612: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    yay, i just tapped on procrastination and made a couple calls to make some changes in my $ organization

    Thursday, 16 September 2010 @ 11:30am

  613. 613: tinqueNo Gravatar says:

    Turtle Girl – They ARE out there. They are. I gots me one.
    I wanted to say something witty about dorks and oosiks, but I got nothing. How about you?

    Thursday, 16 September 2010 @ 11:31am

  614. 614: Turtle GirlNo Gravatar says:

    Ahhh Tinque-you sweet thang-

    I know they are out there. Knowing that some of you beautiful women have one gives me hope.

    Something witty about dorks and oosiks? Naw, me neither. It’s a really gray rainy day here in the great Northwest, kinda of cold, and I am feeling somewhat misty and melancholy like the weather……..funny how much it can affect my mood.

    Thursday, 16 September 2010 @ 11:35am

  615. 615: JacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    Good afternoon! all…..Burning Man? wow – will you write the story and I can put it on my blog in the real life section, LG?! That would be absolutly amazingly cool.

    After a 10 year long relationship break up and a hurricane that destroyed – leveled stuff a mile from my house, I stepped off a cement curb and just fell straight onto both knees. I had bloody gashes – one is just now starting not to hurt and that was 2 years ago…it was like 4″ across and then I had to go start a job and climb up stairs with it like that for 2 weeks bleeding…most people would’ve been at the hospital, but what can they really do? knee surgery? NO>

    anyway, point is – when there’s huge energy shifts I’ve noticed sometimes WE fall down, or break our leg, etc. etc. And it’s symbolic and it’s also real.

    I think of that day as me coming to my knees and it still blows my mind – that I managed to walk away – and heal.

    Thursday, 16 September 2010 @ 11:38am

  616. 616: JacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    Hi, Nikita! So I decided last nite because you may not know me all that well but I really really was feeling very ganged up on and trying like heck to extract myself….that I could just think of that story where the scorpion wants to cross the river and convinces the frog or whatever to take him and stings him half way across and then says what? I’m a scorpion. Even looked up scorpion in my animal totem book.

    But what I’ve learned here is to try and try to communicate and honor feelings. That’s what I was doing, and I believe the conversation would’ve ended, but when I read someone was crying….I freaked. Should be able to just let it be, tho, in my opinion.

    Daria – you were great on that, LG you are the most wonderful voice all the way around! I hope you write and maybe about ceremony, too in general.

    xo all….


    Thursday, 16 September 2010 @ 11:42am

  617. 617: tinqueNo Gravatar says:

    Jacqueline – How about rolling one’s car?

    Thursday, 16 September 2010 @ 11:42am

  618. 618: JacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    Hiya Tinque – and thanks for your new blog post!….she has a blog, yall!!! grin…

    oh, yeah, car wrecks ….the ultimate bam – so glad I quit having them in my 30’s, been in a couple; one totaled my car – and the guy hit the guy who hit me, and I ended up in that guy’s lap crying all in one piece!

    Seriously, to me there are accidents and maybe it means nothing – but an impact like that will/would probably like throw your aura 10 miles behind you for quite a while?! It just shakes you that much!!!

    What do you think, what was/is your feeling?


    Thursday, 16 September 2010 @ 11:47am

  619. 619: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    I broke my arm randomly and powerfully a few years ago. It runs in my family on my dad’s side. Strong arm breaking in our twenties.

    I take it as a blessing, I think it was the angel’s way of playing out that part of my life in a way that wasn’t as bad as say, getting shot or something.

    Thursday, 16 September 2010 @ 11:59am

  620. 620: tinqueNo Gravatar says:

    I don’t know. I’ve had three serious ones, two of which I had serious injuries.

    Thursday, 16 September 2010 @ 12:01pm

  621. 621: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Erika has a cool rewrite of the scorpion thingy i think on her old blog. I feel so happy for rewrites. Frog and Scorpion QUEENS!

    Thursday, 16 September 2010 @ 12:02pm

  622. 622: girlNo Gravatar says:

    I feel pretty effing awful. I feel so stuffed and bloated and bad. my tummy feels expanded like a balloon. And I feel gross periody ickiness. ugh. I feel so full of stuck food from last night. We ate so much food. AND we drank a bunch of beer. It’s like, if I focus, I can feel myself getting fatter. I sense my body wanting to hurry up and DO something with all this substance I filled it with. And pain medication for cramps is upsetting my stomach, filling it with gasses, expanding my belly more and more and I feel disgusting!!!

    Thursday, 16 September 2010 @ 12:04pm

  623. 623: tinqueNo Gravatar says:

    girl – one of the best things for cramps aside from exercise which will also help move the gas on out is an orgasm, so go play, alone if you have to.
    If it’s meds you want, the miracle cramp cure is one tylenol and one advil.

    Thursday, 16 September 2010 @ 12:07pm

  624. 624: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    Really? I thought it was two aleve :)
    I second the orgasm theory…. Feels freeing and opened up, relaxed like an unblocked hose that had been folded over or pinched.

    Thursday, 16 September 2010 @ 12:23pm

  625. 625: NikitaNo Gravatar says:


    I was also going to mention erika’s reframed scorpion frog post on her older blog…. I actually commented on it when she wrote it.

    Thursday, 16 September 2010 @ 12:25pm

  626. 626: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    T-tapp exercise “ladybug” move always feels SO good, and alleviates my cramps.

    Thursday, 16 September 2010 @ 12:26pm

  627. 627: girlNo Gravatar says:

    Well a release like the hose sounds awesome.

    Thursday, 16 September 2010 @ 12:28pm

  628. 628: girlNo Gravatar says:

    It’s all in my neck and between my eyebrows, too! my noticing is feeling like whining. I feel an overall aversion to sex. I feel excited about dance! I’m a ballroom dance instructor, and my class just got a great write up in the local paper and I feel so inspired right now! I would rather keep dancing than touch myself, and even talking about dance, I noticed the pain disappearing – but it’s creeping back now that I’m writing about pain, not dance. dance dance dance

    Thursday, 16 September 2010 @ 12:47pm

  629. 629: JacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    Hi! I don’t take issue with the scorpion thing – it might be cool that’s why I looked it up in animal totems by Ted Andrews, I think….

    I was more saying I kept trying so hard and wanting recognition for that – an no, no one has to give it to me! lol – but the easier way wouldv’e just been to say, yeah, that’s me – SO???

    and like the list thing that was jokingly called crumbs? It so worked in business with the EFT down under guy – he basically made me be totally CLEAR in what I was asking….I literally give him 8 options, numbers 1 -8…..and then he said thank you, here’s a free copy of the download please just review it and don’t give it to others.

    So I rather thought a list of options was my attempt to squish myself into an allowable voice, and still! it wasn’t enough?

    So, what do you do when someone says they’re crying but you didn’t hurt them, but you might squish or swallow them but hey! they’re trying to get away from you that would not feel controlling?

    Because that’s the first time anyone’s ever called me controlling so it’s interesting I really thought it was just about completion, which is supposed to feel good.

    and ps. I do not HAVE any programs – the title of the program was a joke!

    and I promise this will be the end post of this subject for me….

    cuz I’ve got happy news! but want to learn all I can from this first…

    Thursday, 16 September 2010 @ 1:04pm

  630. 630: Katarina PhangNo Gravatar says:

    Yeah…I know. I will know better after next weekend if I’m going to be in trouble choosing. :(

    I’m going through the female version of Male Playa Experience (MPE) now of wanting the freedom of having fun and being adored by as many as wonderful men out there and not wanting to commit to anyone anytime soon.

    Ironic, huh? I feel this is perhaps the rare case of Circular Dating going too well. 😀

    Thursday, 16 September 2010 @ 1:08pm

  631. 631: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Completion is about control . I feel triggered. rori has a few posts about that on this on blog, about letting go of the need to control and get closure.

    i feel mistrustful

    Thursday, 16 September 2010 @ 1:21pm

  632. 632: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Katarina – thats how it works. we babystep to the point where we don’t want to commit to a man who’s not fully stepping up wiht a ring and a plan

    Thursday, 16 September 2010 @ 1:24pm

  633. 633: JacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    Hey Daria….I wanted to get your take on this, closure is a big issue here with guys and I have read what Rori says. So, how do you end a conversation with both parties feeling good or okay without it? That’s the heart of my question…..

    because the only other alternative would be to leave the conversation not caring what the other one felt?

    is there another alternative?

    these are open questions, not designed to make you feel distrustful – and now I’m feeling afraid of asking them.

    I think it’s hilarious that the why didn’t she react to being called controlling thing came up – it sailed right on past me, which to me says it was of no significance to me, but it’s being made an issue here, so I want to learn from it.

    Somehow when dealing with feeling messages it sounds to me like everything anyone says can be called controlling – including explaning, saying you won’t control me, etc.???

    A lot like when someone shouts – “deflection!”….

    I feel nervous continuing this but strong in my desire to honestly look at myself.

    Thursday, 16 September 2010 @ 1:32pm

  634. 634: Katarina PhangNo Gravatar says:

    Daria, right now I feel that I’m enjoying all of this and don’t want anyone to offer me any ring…just yet! Till I’m done being a “playa” that is… LOL.

    Pardon me, but that’s how I feel right at this second.

    My hubby took me to dinner last night and I said to him bluntly what kind of treatment I wanted and expected from him. I didn’t care if he would react negatively. I just felt comfortable being myself ’cause I had options! I get to choose whom I want now.

    That feels so liberating.

    Thursday, 16 September 2010 @ 1:38pm

  635. 635: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Jaqueline –

    “So, how do you end a conversation with both parties feeling good or okay without it?

    you just let it be. a HUGE skill (and one that takes practice) that reduces anxiety and insecurity, transforming a woman into a siren, a human into a wiser, deeper, bigger human, and making a man feel safe to lead.

    Because there IS no such thing as closure many times, and our search for it is an attempt to control our environment to avoid feeling

    sadness and fear…, anger… other emotions we are stuffing

    “because the only other alternative would be to leave the conversation not caring what the other one felt?”

    this is incorrect. once someone gets comfortable feeling their own anger, fear, sadness… it makes it easier to be compassionate to someone else…

    sometimes – something new i learned from Rori – is that you don’t have to be “wrong” or that “you did it’ to feel sorry for someone’s pain


    I am babystepping to this. I would like to say, i heard you feeling upset… i think. and im sorry you are feeling that way.


    I feel excited you feel strong in looking into youreself. thats what this is about.

    and yes, unfortunately, most everything of what us humans do in communication is try to control, unless we are intentionally practicing not to do so and only express.

    which is what we do here, painstalkingly, so that we can grow in our communication in our lives, and come from a non controlling place

    people who do succeed at this are in the siren vibe

    Thursday, 16 September 2010 @ 1:44pm

  636. 636: JacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    that is good because my friend does it as a means of non attachment and that doesn’t feel good….letting it be does!

    Thanks Daria!

    Thursday, 16 September 2010 @ 1:48pm

  637. 637: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    There’s a guest post on the blog by Margaret of Inner Bonding about Explaining as a form of cotrol.

    yes, telling someone. “You won’t control me,” or even “don’t ! do that!” is control

    is this in Toxic men>? i think so:

    Man; you biat*ch!

    woman: you have every right to call me whatever you want (yes indeed, every human has a right to do whatever they want). But I don;t like it. It feels terrible And I don’t want to be called names and put down. Goodbye – exit stage left.

    (does this sound wimpy? well it WORKS! without getting the other person in a resistant defensive stance)



    woman: don’t call me that!!! you have no right to treat me this way! you jerk!


    telling someone what to do, whether we think is justified, is controlling.


    and thats why we practice practice practice
    speaking about us, and our feelings and truth only…
    because if we can avoid triggering Their defense, then we can be HEARD

    Thursday, 16 September 2010 @ 1:50pm

  638. 638: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    yay Jaqueline! I feel excited

    Thursday, 16 September 2010 @ 1:52pm

  639. 639: AmberSNo Gravatar says:

    I like how this feels! All the Divas doing the work and being our best selves.

    And acceptance of where each other are along the paths

    THAT part is what I’m working on right now. How do you know when to stay “in it” and when to just relax and accept? I think LG & Erika did this discussion but not on the blog?

    Thursday, 16 September 2010 @ 1:53pm

  640. 640: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Amber – I feel confused and intrigued by this question…

    How do you know when to stay “in it” and when to just relax and accept?

    i feel curious what you are referring to

    Thursday, 16 September 2010 @ 1:58pm

  641. 641: AmberSNo Gravatar says:

    Okai- this is going to trigger some people. Hell, it triggers ME and I’m saying it.

    I’m here because I want to grow into a more healthy me. I believe that I share that goal with the other sirens here.

    There are times though, when I can see from my perspective that someone is resisting something (kinda like me & the father voice, eh?)

    And even though I want to help people grow if I can, there are times when that resistance says to me


    Accept that this person is on their path, and they will learn whatever it is in their own good time.

    Accept. Relax.

    Support them where they are instead of communicating with an agenda.

    When I feel that then I know I’ve done my part of the lesson- because I no longer feel the need or desire for them to be other than they are.

    And what happens in my head & heart is that I can see the other person as someone who just wants to be heard, loved, understood.

    Accepted. Acceptance.

    And if I can help them have that, sometimes it’s enough to break through whatever they were resisting in the first place. Not always, but that stops being what’s important to me.

    Thursday, 16 September 2010 @ 2:07pm

  642. 642: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Amber – me too! tho i must say , babysteps, and i’ve often “gotten caught up in it”.

    Whats more, is if i use it as a mirror or message, it turns out theres triggering stuff about it for me, from the past! that i can embrace and work thru

    Thursday, 16 September 2010 @ 2:13pm

  643. 643: BarbinOzNo Gravatar says:

    Girl #620

    “We ate so much food. AND we drank a bunch of beer. It’s like, if I focus, I can feel myself getting fatter. I sense my body wanting to hurry up and DO something with all this substance I filled it with.”

    I find this a really odd way to talk about over eating and drinking too much when you have had a night out. I would be more like, we ate and drank too much last night but we had a great time and probably wouldn’t eat that much the next day…….

    I know you said in a previous post you were anorexic at one point in your life and now you are in a relationship with a man who is a chef, and of course lots of his friends would be in that food industry, and I don’t really know where I am going with this post but its about food and fat and maybe D isn’t that fat to the rest of us, but you “see” him differently or maybe he is grossly overweight and that seems contradictory to the anorexic mindset………..

    Maybe I am spouting off a load of rubbish here…..hopefully one of our wise Sirens can pick up on what I am observing here and not saying too well….

    Just passing thoughts……

    Thursday, 16 September 2010 @ 2:13pm

  644. 644: JacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    Yes! that’s what I was saying…it’s 2 a.m. and I wanna go to sleep and I feel badly about all this bundle of convesation and the magic leap to true communication is not going to happen and how do I just ignore it and go to sleep? so if I could find a I did my part I’d be good….but I like what you said, Daria….doing that and going immediately to sleep would be challenging to me. Well, IF the other person is exhibiting feelings it is challenging to me, period. I was taught completion is a goal, if someone is willing to go there with you, it is a gift and will provide a breakthrough, rather than walking away is the way to let it be….or go?

    I admire men that will work through something with me, with no one walking away. I am willing to accept new tools, info and belief tho!

    Gotta get off here now and get some work done…

    Amber I put a pix of sunflowers on my blog…dedicated to you! And they grew in my own backyard! I took the pix!!! no delpheniums tho….

    Hugs 4 all,

    Thursday, 16 September 2010 @ 2:16pm

  645. 645: JacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    Barb In Oz….just saying hello!!!! I’ve not been on here when you were so have missed you for a couple of days! Have a great day – it’s springing springtime there, yes???


    Thursday, 16 September 2010 @ 2:18pm

  646. 646: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    hmm.. I feel the same way as girl did when i eat a lot of food.

    except for me, i WANT to get fatter. on my butt and thighs please. thank you.

    Thursday, 16 September 2010 @ 2:24pm

  647. 647: BarbinOzNo Gravatar says:

    Nnoooo Daria, I NEVER heard any other woman say she wants fatter thighs LOL!!

    Thursday, 16 September 2010 @ 2:25pm

  648. 648: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    BarbinOz – indeed i do. i even have a babystep plan to exercises to make them bigger. it would feel thrilling to be a thick sexy urban model

    Thursday, 16 September 2010 @ 2:28pm

  649. 649: BarbinOzNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Jacqueline, yes it is spring here, my favourite season, the weather is getting warmer, the skies are getting bluer and it’s just peachy 😀

    Hey big news here in Australia is that Oprah and 300 of her audience members are coming downunder for a visit, in a plane piloted by Captain John Travolta, wooohooo!! I would like to go and see her live, along with 10 million other people LOL!!

    Thursday, 16 September 2010 @ 2:28pm

  650. 650: AmberSNo Gravatar says:

    Daria & Jacqueline-

    Do you two lovely ladies feel like exploring this further? If not- then please skip this!

    Last night I was reading the exchange and LG said something like ‘be in the moment’ and deal with the last thing that was said, not the whole long conversation. And I LOVE that- so true for our relationships with each other and men.

    And I realized it has to do with trust and intent. I feel trust that Jacqueline had good intent. And if we took away all of the words we might have an easier time of it. Words can just trip us up.

    But also- it’s not just trusting the person who is triggering me, but really trusting ME. Trusting that I will be fine. And I will grow and learn through it, and that I can’t be pulled off my purpose or out of my peace – regardless of if the other person does or does not have good intent.

    And learning to do it the Daria way (grin) the way she outlines in 633/635.

    Because loving yourself & trusting yourself are the core of everything…

    Anyone want to jump in and expand this in ways I haven’t realized yet?

    Thursday, 16 September 2010 @ 2:56pm

  651. 651: AmberSNo Gravatar says:

    Oh yeah- I use this all of the time with my guy. I even taught him to use it!

    When one of us is upset by something the other has done, we stop the process and go back to square one, which is

    He/She loves me and would never intentionally hurt or upset me.

    For me, BEST TOOL EVER.

    Thursday, 16 September 2010 @ 3:00pm

  652. 652: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    for me in a convo with a man, it helps to visualize him as the divine masculine and, get an image of me as the fern, and also this cute lil girl picture i have of myself that symbolizes my lil girl self that i was covering up at 5 with boyness

    then speak my feelings from that place.

    and now i think… hmm…. an image like this would feel good to have for communicating wiht a woman too.

    it helps me to trust that person as a human – good intent.

    Thursday, 16 September 2010 @ 3:03pm

  653. 653: MercedesNo Gravatar says:

    Girl: I don’t know if you’re interested in anything like this or not, but J and I do the Body For Life Challenge. We’ve done it together 3 times I think and I’ve done it alone 4 or 5 maybe?

    Anyway, it’s very strict with eating right and exercising (combo lifting and cardio) 6 days per week (yes…SIX days) but…then you get a FREE day to totally PIG out and not exercise, etc. We actually quit smoking and lost weight (which really irritated the posters on the quit smoking blogs…oops). We then took the summer off and gained weight and Monday we started the plan again.

    It is very strict, but it’s all about being healthy and fit and it works very, very well for us (but we’re also psycho about it so…) and if you enter the contest (probably too late to enter the final one for this year, but maybe not…you’ll have to check that out…we just do the program, we don’t enter) you can win something like $50,000 I think (oh…and a cool leather jacket…lol).

    Anyway…we love it and we have so much fun going to restaurants and ordering piles of junk like nachos and fries and onion rings (think all things fried) on our free day. It then pushes us to work even harder the next day. In any case, we’ve done really good at being healthy, fit and motivated with the program. If you’re interested, check out bodyforlife(dot)com. There are recipes and tips and exercises, etc.

    The basic plan:

    Meals: eat 6 SMALL meals per day. Each meal should have 1 protein, 1 complex carb and twice per day add a serving of veggies. A serving is considered the size of the palm of your hand or your fist depending on what you’re eating.

    For us, we eat a light breakfast of oatmeal and maybe a piece of fruit. Then a protein shake for a snack. Lunch is a grilled chicken sandwich on either a whole wheat bun or a whole wheat tortilla loaded with veggies and mustard (no mayo or ranch). Protein shake or bar for snack. Dinner is salmon with veggies or grilled chicken or grilled lean meat. Late snack is usually lowfat cottage cheese and fruit or almonds. These are examples. The website and book are FULL of tips.

    Exercise is day 1 – cardio. Day 2 – upper body weights. Day 3 – cardio. Day 4 – lower body weights. Day 5 – cardio. Day 6 – upper body. Day 7 FREE!!!! Then on Monday – cardio, etc.

    Anyway…I just went on and on and on about a program we love (probably because of the free day) and that works for us. I can tell you the energy is through the roof when we’re on it.

    Much Love,

    PS: I’m a great motivator on this program, so the reason I brought it up is because we’re doing it right now and so if you wanted a partner or someone to check in with and stay motivated…I’m offering. I’ve got three other people involved in the past and all three say they would never do any other “diet” ever again…they’re as hooked as I am. :-)

    Thursday, 16 September 2010 @ 3:05pm

  654. 654: AmberSNo Gravatar says:

    Wow. I like that a LOT. I’ve never thought of that! That could change the vibe instantly.


    It would be cool to have a place to put all of these tools so we can find them again.

    Thursday, 16 September 2010 @ 3:07pm

  655. 655: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Amber – you mean like a blog? hehe.

    yeah i feel panicked about “losing” memories tools etc. i love my panic.

    i choose to believe i am lucky and everything is already there for me when i want it

    Thursday, 16 September 2010 @ 3:11pm

  656. 656: AmberSNo Gravatar says:


    Thank you for the BEAUTIFUL FLOWERS!!! My favorites! GRIN.

    I had one of those gut-knotting moments when I read about you falling down. When I scraped my skin off I was just walking. Where I always walked. And I tripped and my arm & leg scraped against the stone was I was next to. I couldn’t believe how bad it was.

    Thursday, 16 September 2010 @ 3:15pm

  657. 657: BarbinOzNo Gravatar says:

    Mercedes #652

    Up until Jan. 2009 I had done every diet under the sun, you name it, Atkins, WW, slimming pills, calorie counting, lemon juice/cayenne pepper/maple syrup (!!) every damn one.

    Then I found Body For Life and man what an eye opener that has been, did 2 great challenges last year, one so so one and I am on about challenge 5 or 6 at the moment, but its not such a hot one with the exercise but the food is pretty up there…….I will NEVER ever go back to any other way of losing weight or exercising even when people say you should lift light weights as a woman, the proof is in the pudding or in my triceps anyway :), Bill Phillips is my hero 😀

    Thursday, 16 September 2010 @ 3:16pm

  658. 658: BarbinOzNo Gravatar says:

    p.s. Mercedes, it is Girl’s boyfriend who has the weight problem……

    Thursday, 16 September 2010 @ 3:18pm

  659. 659: NikitaNo Gravatar says:


    I watch “Thintervention” with Jackie – I think it’s on bravo? It gets me energized! :)

    Thursday, 16 September 2010 @ 3:24pm

  660. 660: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    another tool ive been practicing lately – that rori mentioned recently –

    is an extension of that energy

    to always be in Receiving mode.

    that men around always wanting to and trying to give to me, (like they are my big, loving, protective brothersworks for me… )

    this makes me feel happy and safe

    and therefore naturally Open and Appreciative – which feels lovely, and I remember this feeling from the best times of my life being a lil girl…

    and i feel moved that i can exprience it now, at will.


    i just realized …

    that I am going to now do this tool with the men who show up in my imagination (like the one who was supposed to be here 3 hours ago) … as well…

    this is gonna be fun now!

    im starting now!

    oh wow this feels good.

    it feels like im being loved.

    i feel small, kind and lovely, .


    oh i should mention this has a HUGE behavioral effect on men around me

    its like it puts us in a different scene in a life that is beautiful about me being sweet lovely goddess, and him giving to me and being appreciated… and it feeling like those secret moments that are for gods and goddesses of feeling like everything is Right

    Thursday, 16 September 2010 @ 3:25pm

  661. 661: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    come on words! i want you to get lovelier! grow change morph… say what i feel!!!

    i love you words. you are good.. thank you for being so morphy beauiful and flexible

    im trying to get the energy – babysteps – of being in receving. i feel thrown off a lil, cuz i got the hang of doing it with a man around, but now to do it with the ones in my head, i have never practiced THAT!

    i think this will change my life don’t you?

    oh yes

    so much love from all the men who will pass thru my imagination now.

    because even imaginary men cannot resist the pull of me being in Receiving

    its like … im a constant “thanks babe!”…

    i can FEEL it, its strong , not something that can be denied or written off.

    its a CHANGE

    oh yeah!

    i remember.

    First step. Heartlight on! get transparent.

    thank yu thank you thank you

    i feel so grateful that ( i was about to write i can’t believe, and JUST NOW realize that that feeling is gratefulness)… i KNOW HOW TO DO THIS!!

    i feel blessed. lucky. grateful. thank you for my more than beautiful more than magic amzaing more than enchanted, real alive life that reads like teh best parts of all novels strung back to back

    i am living the greatest movie ever wrote


    this is real

    i made it into magicland

    i made it into the story where everyone is good, everything is right, its the right place, that amazing place

    Thursday, 16 September 2010 @ 3:32pm

  662. 662: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    its just, when i let my heartflame flutter, i can TELL people are noticing it. I’m noticing it, its like i keep with my mental eye checking my chest, and tehy do too, because their picking up on me looking there.

    which suddenly realized that WE ALL HAVE A MENTAL EyE AND ARE Living in GOD GoDDESS heArt REALiTy ALONG WITH what we are usually noticing.

    because boy, i put my hertlight on, and i can SEE it, you know? but with what. how do i see myself transparent?

    how do i SEE that they see it,

    i see their heart, our hearts connecting, its a diff level, we’ve been living in it the whole time and not realizing that we’re also Seeing and Interacting on this level

    its freakin mindblowing, thats what it is

    Thursday, 16 September 2010 @ 3:36pm

  663. 663: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    how can a man not pay attention when my heartlight’s on?

    and if he doesnt (impossible, but it may seem like it, like say he turns his back to me)…

    my HEARTLIGHT IS STILL ON! i can feel it. it makes me feel warm in my heart and HAPPY

    so i feel HAppy as it is, and will just feel a lil confused by his back, and then turn to something that feels good, because im feeling happy, and innocent, and good, and KNOW that nothing is ever wrong or to hurt me here…

    and men Have to look at it.

    all humans have to look at it.

    you cant hurt someone with a heartlight on, unless you Force yourself.

    you cant NOT be intrigued by them.

    Its like they’re a baby! innocent, pure, adorable, worthy of love by all

    Thursday, 16 September 2010 @ 3:40pm

  664. 664: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    And it makes everything so much more FUN!!! and i can sing !!! without worry, to songs, and smile, and get wowed by the view of the ocean, and say wow, with open mouth, really, yes that engrossed, i can feel my heart warm, and that just feels good and smily, and i feel safe, and wonderful and buyoyed with love.

    its like i have love all the love i need i am filled with kindness

    i feel so moved!

    Thursday, 16 September 2010 @ 3:42pm

  665. 665: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    its like its intriguing, draws people in to the flame of love like moths to the flame… everyone wants to come get close , get into that flame of warm loving feeling


    when i imagine my heartlight on, i can see the man in my imagination see it, because everything else is just… transparent, like smoky lines are just the outlines of this world… and hes where he is, with a bunch of friends…

    and her i turn my heartlight on its like a FIRE, a golden flame that is the only bright and warm thing in this world and um….

    dont you think eveyrone would notice it and want to see what that is? i mean…
    everything else is transparent and made of cloud wisps,

    and heres this firelight thats warm and loving

    what would you do?

    NOT check it out?

    Thursday, 16 September 2010 @ 3:45pm

  666. 666: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    if you were say to get transported to a diff world…

    and everything was kind of barren, like living on clouds, and peoiople were there, wisps here and there, and voices… and all of a sudden you see a beauiful glowing flame… in the heart of only a single person in the distance…

    wouldn’t you want to get close to that person and find out…

    why am i here in wisp world? who are you? why do you have a beautiful golden flame? etc.?

    and then you can even look down and Behold see,

    have a lil golden flame

    and now you look and notice… as if you opened a new eye, that everyone, all the transparent people in this world, we all have lil golden lights in our hearts

    beautiful like hummingbirds

    and all our hearts feel each other, and flicker, all the time!

    but we,our head, in wispy cloud not so emotion land, sees wispy clouds, until it Notices! the flame and then starts seeing more and more

    of the other world

    that first was just cloud wisps and the voices

    Thursday, 16 September 2010 @ 3:50pm

  667. 667: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    its like body language, energy language, diff way of interacting seeing…

    so one can SEE… know more, be aware of more, of life of being, of communicating with these humans


    Thursday, 16 September 2010 @ 3:52pm

  668. 668: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i know they can see my heartlight even with their backs turned, with their minds eye, they cant not see it, they choose how to act and what to do but they will always see it, their own heart feels it, its connected to it our hearts are connected

    Thursday, 16 September 2010 @ 4:12pm

  669. 669: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    be his pearl is good too, from Rori’s amazon free readthru

    Thursday, 16 September 2010 @ 4:13pm

  670. 670: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Daria, thanks for 605 — that helps a LOT!!

    Thursday, 16 September 2010 @ 4:35pm

  671. 671: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    “I feel excited you feel strong in looking into youreself. thats what this is about.” (Daria)

    I feel excited too! Yay, Jacqueline!

    I sent you my email address as you requested — don’t know if you saw it in your inbox.


    Thursday, 16 September 2010 @ 4:43pm

  672. 672: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    here’s another thing to think about:

    “”Because this relationship is so important to me, __________.”

    These 8 relationship-transforming words can be a communication lead-in that promotes openness or they can also help soften and shift a difficult, tense moment into one where you two move closer together despite the topic.

    Thursday, 16 September 2010 @ 5:14pm

  673. 673: AmberSNo Gravatar says:

    Okay. My OCD tendencies are in full swing here. I thought about this all the way home from work and I realized when I read 669 that I feel TOTALLY triggered by this post.

    When I read this I hear Lucy making this all about Jacqueline’s growth. I feel bad when I think that.

    I feel unbalanced. I feel angry. Ok. Angry. I feel angry because I’m thinking that Jacqueline felt ganged up on. I’m feeling angry because I want… WHAT???

    I want this to NOT be about Jacqueline. And not because I love her, but because my interpretation of Lucy is that she wants Jacqueline to change. That’s funny. Because it might be true in both directions. And my wanting Lucy to do or be a certain way is me stepping off my path and putting this outside of myself. Yuck.

    I want… I want to make everything all about me all of the time. I want you other sirens to do this too, to make everything about you… That’s what works for me. I want things done MY way. LOL. Okay Amber. Why?


    I believe that I am ONLY responsible for myself. Because otherwise it feels like blame. And not taking ownership of me.

    I don’t like being told what to do, even in the guise of helpful encouragement. I ‘hear’ Lucy’s voice like a teacher. Bingo. That’s it.

    Okay. Teachers. Trigger. Me.

    I’m going to have to let this ping-pong around while I eat something. My brain needs fuel.

    Thursday, 16 September 2010 @ 5:25pm

  674. 674: AmberSNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you yummy organic cottage cheese! Thank you cows! And green green grass. And sun and rain and earth!

    Thursday, 16 September 2010 @ 5:41pm

  675. 675: Turtle GirlNo Gravatar says:

    Wow! That is sort of what I am going through right now two. I was cd’ing to beat the band, (have met over 250 men in the last six months) anyway, I have been dating two-I know Rori says three is ideal but I just can’t seem to drum up the 3rd one….anyway, both of these guys have said “I love YOU” and want to be exclusive…..well, I don’t want to be….neither know about the other….I don’t want to be married right now..the attention I have to admit is great and I am not sure either one of these men is “the one” for me. So having to choose or not…..both want me as their “girlfriend”, and I keep giving NO girlfriend speeches over and over and they just get pissed or try and guilt trip me and argue and tell me how they don’t understand my thinking about this and they say “isn’t being exclusive in dating part of on the way to forever?” NO I say. No, no and no. So one puts his bio back up on a dating site and I say so what? He is still around. Whoop te do. Sigh-what a trip this all is.

    Thursday, 16 September 2010 @ 6:00pm

  676. 676: AmberSNo Gravatar says:


    So this is what’s making me CRAZY. I read this from inside my own little bubble of Amber-ness.

    And what I hear is Lucy saying “somebody is hurting me” and looking for help and support from other people.

    And it pisses me off to no end.

    And I want to get all huge and violent, because it doesn’t seem authentic to me.

    My brain is like, WTF- you’re a grown woman. Get over it. And why are you not focusing on yourself? Why are you being a VICTIM?

    Whoa. UGLY WORD.

    Okay. So obviously I need to do some serious work on myself here. Hello? Compassion? Understanding?

    WTF- this means that I do this to MYSELF when I feel hurt. I don’t let myself feel the hurt. I feel impatient and disdainful. This is how I expect me to be.

    I can see how this was a really helpful behavior while I was growing up. I can see that I don’t expect others to help me. Wow. I can remember so many times this was true!

    I’m sorry Amber. It’s okay to ask for help. I love you. I will allow you to feel your feelings. I will stop rolling my eyes and flaring my nostrils. I wont make fun of you for being soft.

    It’s okay to ask for help.

    It’s okay for me to ask for help.

    OMG- and that’s what Jacqueline did. She just powered through it. Holy moley. THAT’S why I totally identified with her.

    Because I believe it’s better not to ask for help. I believe asking for help is worthy of contempt.

    Thursday, 16 September 2010 @ 6:02pm

  677. 677: JacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    Hi, Lucy! found your email in my spam – I’ve learned to look at it before I hit delete, esp. at that address it goes to spam a lot. It said this is my address. LOL…so I didn’t know what to say or do with that? I’m glad we can be lighter today tho and that you said hello.

    You would have seen my confusion from this pm so we both see what confused the other.

    I am still wanting Nikita to explain! ha control? how a six option answer to resolving conflict is limiting or crumb like?

    and being proud of myself for staying as genuine as I could with you in feelings instead of just stinging you and saying well, I’m a scorpion.

    I want you to be well, I want you to be happy, I want to acknowledge that this was totally your place first before I came along and I don’t want to make it feel bad for you here; I want you to want me to be here even when we talk in circles at each other.

    What do you think?

    AND did you see my fab news????? 5 EZINE articles accepted and a NYTimes best seller did an interveiw with me!

    2 cool!

    Thursday, 16 September 2010 @ 6:05pm

  678. 678: JacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    ahhhh, Amber – you know my mother used to yell at me – I was totally hearing her instead of Lucy – like we drove by a store that sold slushies, and I said I want a slushie! and she turned around and hollered YOU ALWAYS RUIN A SURPRISE! I was gonna get you a gd slushie but YOU HAVE to ask it’s alway you you you…..

    ugh! one of the three worst memories ever….yep, I learned early on not to ask. Which is why Tinque’s post today was way more poignant than she’ll ever know for me – oh, well, now she will.

    So, what the therapist told me is people tell you this when they have no intention of meeting your needs and basically are shutting you up (down). I don’t think that’s what Lucy was doing, esp. since she’s reaching out here today….but it sure was what I was hearing. And I KNOW she’s got some really NV’s of her own….so we were just at a brick wall, huh?

    I guess part of growing up is letting that little girl that got yelled at believe it’s okay to ask, it’s okay to want and it’s okay to even GET WHAT YOU WANT???!!!

    That probably sounds obvious to every one else btw!!! grin….


    Thursday, 16 September 2010 @ 6:17pm

  679. 679: Apple JacksNo Gravatar says:

    Amber, thank you for sharing that. I related to Jacqeline when she said she felt being ganged up on. I know that feeling and it is awful. The feeling of when people are discussing how to deal with me when I am right there but too tongue tied to say anything because I feel stuck and made totally wrong because I see things differently.

    My sternum feels hot just thinking about it and I am sweating. My whole body is hot. Firey h*e*l*l hot. I feel wet tiny beads all across my forehead and upper lip. Can someone please turn on the air conditioner?

    I want to scream that I am not wrong. I have feelings too. I need to be heard too. I am also a delicate butterfly flower on the inside. It does not feel good to be talked at and told that I am hard, when I am puddle of jello who always puts other people’s feelings ahead of my own. Who will put my feelings first? My words are not said to hurt anyone. It feels like a painful, sharp stab in my ribs and lungs when my words are made to be used as weapons against someone else. My heart is sweet. My heart is tender. My words are not weapons against towards to hurt. Alas I give love to all of these cries. It’s not about anyone else. Alas, this is about me. I want to heal from feeling ganged up on. I give love to my ganged up on parts. My heat, cold sweat, my screams and pained cries. I love you all.

    And thus while I love myself and give hugs to my pained crying parts, I give hugs to Jacqueline too and all her ganged up on, crying pained parts.

    I feel good again. I feel like smiling and hugging everybody. :)

    Thursday, 16 September 2010 @ 6:21pm

  680. 680: MercedesNo Gravatar says:

    BarbinOz: What made me think of Body For Life with Girl was her comment:

    ” It’s like, if I focus, I can feel myself getting fatter. I sense my body wanting to hurry up and DO something with all this substance I filled it with. ”

    That along with a loss of sexual attraction for her boyfriend because of his weight (or partially because of that??) was another factor. I had good and ok and not so good and great challenges with Body For Life by myself but they’ve been better and MUCH EASIER with J. I was thinking the two of them could do the challenge together. I know one of the categories in the contest is for couples as well, so…thought this would be something the two of them are interested in. I know for us, it allows us to workout AND shower together six days every week….can’t ask for more than that! LOL :-)

    Much Love,

    Thursday, 16 September 2010 @ 6:22pm

  681. 681: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    “I don’t think that’s what Lucy was doing”

    Thanks, Jacqueline. I feel like you heard my heart. I was struggling to see past your words to hear your heart as well, but I believe I finally hear it.

    I feel hopeful that we can feel safe with each other from this point on.

    As far as my email, I didn’t know what to say — I was just honoring your request for my address.

    “I am still wanting Nikita to explain! ha control?” — I feel a little confused by that, because it seemed to me that Daria did a really good job of explaining that today, and when I read your responses to Daria, it seemed like you understood.

    “and being proud of myself for staying as genuine as I could with you in feelings instead of just stinging you” — This made me smile — and also appreciate and realize how much effort you were putting into it! Now I feel proud of you too. :) And grateful.

    “I don’t want to make it feel bad for you here” Thank you for that. I don’t want it to feel bad for you, either. And I feel glad that you are here.

    Yes, I saw your news about the articles and interviews — congratulations! I can hear your excitement. :)

    I feel scared, sad, and a little angry reading what Amber and Apple Jacks wrote because it feels like stirring the coals or something to me — I had felt relieved that this seemed resolved between us — I don’t want conflict stirred up again around me. :(

    I feel fairly confident that I answered all the questions you asked me today, but if I missed something, I’m sorry and it was unintentional. :)


    Thursday, 16 September 2010 @ 7:03pm

  682. 682: girlNo Gravatar says:

    I appreciate your observation BarbinOz. In general i feel VERY over my anorexic days. But, I do feel triggered by over-eating. It’s not just this once, MOST of the times that I have gone out with him, we have way over eaten. And I feel like overeating is his flow, and it was kind of fun to get swept up into it at first, but now I really don’t like it because I literally feel physically uncomfortable after wards. And I don’t see him as severely over weight at all. But he does have a belly that is big and soft. and after dating him a couple of months, my tummy is resembling his. And I do feel anxious about it. I don’t care to get all obsessed and crazy about diet and exercise, but i know that my comfort zone is to eat a primarily healthy diet, with a good dose of fun and carefree-ness here and there. I like to exercise on a regular basis. But an active lifestyle is something he wasn’t capable of after his surgery. In general, he says he wants to lose weight – he likes my diet (lots of veggies, a little fruit and fish), and he looks forward to exercising. But now that he’s officially leaving, and the stress is piling on, it looks like a healthy routine is becoming more unlikely for him, and I’m feeling really over the overindulgence. He’s bringing over some sort of donut dessert tonight, and I’m sure it’ll be delicious, but I just mention it to point out that the rich decadent fattening food is just constant lately. It just doesn’t feel good. I feel my body working hard to deal with all the food and drinks, and I don’t like it. My stomach feels gross right now, and I have no idea if it is cramps, the pain medication for the cramps, the food we ate last night, or the beer. my guess is all of the above.

    I feel curious about Fit For Life – Mercedes, what you described matches a plan that we had for ourselves, but I’m sure being a part of a structured program is even more motivating. Thanks very much for the information. It will be interesting to see what direction he chooses to go from now on. I know that he’s under an enormous amount of pressure, so I can see how it would be easy to just forget about trying to get fit (for him). I don’t want him to feel pressure from me, and yet I feel resistant to this unhealthy consumption habit we have formed

    Thursday, 16 September 2010 @ 7:07pm

  683. 683: JacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you Lucy, Amber & AJ!

    The reason I wanted Nikita’s input was because it was her comment, so in a sense I want to complete it with her, too. But you are right, Daria rocks!

    see post on new thread….smile….

    Thursday, 16 September 2010 @ 7:20pm

  684. 684: JacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    ps!!! somehow I get to be an EZINE EXPERT!!! wow, I didn’t know that. Course, there’s lots of ads – but check me out!

    now ummm let’s all visualize $$$ with the title?!!!! grin….

    Thursday, 16 September 2010 @ 7:22pm

  685. 685: AmberSNo Gravatar says:

    Apple Jacks-

    That felt GREAT that you worked on through and came out the other side smiling and giving hugs :)

    Hey Lucy?

    This is all about me. I hear you in a very circular logic way, so I need to work some more on me.

    But Apple Jacks is handing out hugs! Maybe Brenda will come by with balloons & teddy bears :)

    Feel free to skip my posts. What was it SS said? “You all don’t exist. Hello voices in my head!”

    Thursday, 16 September 2010 @ 7:24pm

  686. 686: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Ladies,

    So I’ve been reading and I’m hearing a request for completion. I feel divided about this because I am making an attempt to refrain from explaining. I also feel mildly frustrated because I’m hearing the request made to others but nothing directly asked to me. So I wonder is this a riffing thing or is it meant. I don’t feel interested in going on because Lucy and Jlina appear to have resolved any misunderstandings. I’m willing to apologize for overstepping….with my choice of words-as far as the “stone” comment but I’d rather be posting about “my stuff”.

    And by my stuff- I have been contacted recently by a very scorpionic man that can still set my heart aflutter….. He has a ton of planets in scorpio so all this chat about stingers is just reminding me about his :) and well….. I feel pouty and introverted and depleted and I don’t want to wear my therapist hat, or mediator hat, or negotiator or cheerleader….or pirate hat(huh?pirate???whatever) I want to feel nurtured…. I’d like to be viewed as supportive and meaning well….but at the same time….I felt invited to give my view on where the chasm or schism in communication between the two ladies could be coming from….I recall Lucy having a breakthrough concerning her mum…and Jlina having her own breakthroughs on a few different things….I feel cranky….. I mean gosh…. I don’t want to be the well right now… I want someone to draw me some water ….. I want to know about this man. ….and yet I want to hide from his questions…..and his penetrating energy….his gentle intensity….I have my OWN stuff!
    Hmph. :(

    Thursday, 16 September 2010 @ 8:20pm

  687. 687: girlNo Gravatar says:

    Nikita, I feel like hugging you! squeezes…

    Thursday, 16 September 2010 @ 8:30pm

  688. 688: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Nikita! I feel admiration for how well you expressed yourself here! (684) Everything you wrote resonates with me, and I feel grateful for how you modeled non-violent communication/feeling messages and don’t wants/whatever you want to call it, with this post. Felt really really good to read and I feel hopeful that it will feel good to the others as well.

    You (and others) were instrumental in helping me see where Jacqueline was coming from, and I deeply appreciate that.

    I would be happy to “listen” as you talk about your guy….

    And here is a glass of water to drink, and a hug.


    Thursday, 16 September 2010 @ 8:32pm

  689. 689: LizzieNo Gravatar says:

    Nikita – Hi!
    I am out of touch – just logged in a moment ago so don’t know what is going on…and I am ok with that.

    Now your scorpio guy – I am scorpio girl – actually I am cusp Scorpio/Sag. never the less, scorpio guys are very possessive and intense physical beings. There is usually nothing light and airy about them – they are incredibly good as independent souls – and once they set their sights on you – you could very well be devoured!
    does that help?

    The scorpio guy tends to be much more intense than the girl in my experience. But I have a lot of Sag. in me. I can calm my intensity and not be a “flame thrower” if sag. gets engaged. Like when you said, in your last note to me, “do no harm…” – I didn’t want to annihilate you for saying so – I just trotted off and lit a candle and read my book on the philosophy of caring.

    You must be very careful about how you reject a scorpio – they feel profoundly. Rejection of the smallest form is a TRAIN SMASH!

    Thursday, 16 September 2010 @ 8:36pm

  690. 690: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    I’m cyberstalking “Security’s” mom. I feel confused and bewildered that I haven’t heard from him after all this time. I miss him.

    the ending felt abrupt, and im leaning forward flat cyberstalking someone’s mom looking for clues of how to get a hold of him


    i’m working HARD!! swimming and pushing the boat, not rowing

    Thursday, 16 September 2010 @ 8:36pm

  691. 691: LizzieNo Gravatar says:

    I have dated a few scorpio men – I would recommend it!

    You communicate beautifully and my guess is your man responds well to you. Feeling messages will create a space for him to patiently wait for you to catch up to where he is. Scorps. can out-wait anyone. LOL! Although we do have moments where we will say to H with it – and self destruct. You have seen me do that. Passion is everything!!!

    Thursday, 16 September 2010 @ 8:40pm

  692. 692: LizzieNo Gravatar says:

    Daria – please don’t drown while you swim up the river pushing that dang boat. And be sure to go to land and rest once in a while. We love you and will wait for you!

    Thursday, 16 September 2010 @ 8:42pm

  693. 693: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Oh Daria! That really made me laugh!

    And at the same time, I feel bad for you in your confusion, bewilderment, and missing him.

    You know me well enough now to know that I know the feeling. <3 and hugs

    Thursday, 16 September 2010 @ 8:42pm

  694. 694: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Lizzie. I know next to nothing about astrology, so if you feel like sharing your knowledge . . . I feel curious about how a relationship might work between a gemini man and gemini woman.

    Sounds like you are feeling pretty good? I hope so. <3

    Thursday, 16 September 2010 @ 8:47pm

  695. 695: lmNo Gravatar says:

    i was doing some inner bonding today and dealing with love and control…

    for the first time i understood on a body level that i can just let everything go, all the stress, trying to control and fix things. i knew this intellectually before, but i think my cells know it now…hmmm

    Thursday, 16 September 2010 @ 8:48pm

  696. 696: DariaNo Gravatar says:


    i have his home number still/

    i would love to be the kind of woman who feels comfortable calling a man’s family house and asking to speak to him

    that seems really “normal” and dignified to me
    but alasi feel too black sheep and unworthy to do that kinda thing

    Angels, please help me heal this. thank you

    Thursday, 16 September 2010 @ 8:53pm

  697. 697: NikitaNo Gravatar says:



    Thursday, 16 September 2010 @ 9:00pm

  698. 698: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    Girl, aw thx

    and Lucy- I feel inspired to walk up to my fridge and crack open the pelligrino :) thx

    Thursday, 16 September 2010 @ 9:02pm

  699. 699: LizzieNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Lucy, I actually don’t know anything about astrology. Somehow I had posted a qestion to find out if any one had dated a Cancer guy and Nikita answered. She is quite aware and knowledgable about astrology. If she can, I believe she may provide you with some insight.

    I am exhausted and out of touch on the threads so will be off to bed now.
    Good night Lucy!

    and Daria – step away from the boat!
    I was advised yesterday, “do no harm” – now I share that message with you. It is time to take a step back, and do no harm.
    Good night sweet Daria – be safe.

    Thursday, 16 September 2010 @ 9:05pm

  700. 700: JacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    Hi, Nikita – I hear you saying you wore yourself out last nite…smile…and the only thing I wanted was your opinion on why a list with 6 negotiation options was like crumbs? It was like a challenge from Steve Wells with EFT for me to be clear and I thought I cleared a hurdle when he thanked me for it – but here with women it seemed controlling and limiting? So, when or if you want to explain that, I’m curious. And I’m off for tonite –

    Thank you LUCY! I love the whole Peter Pan thing – just read parts of Peter Pan in teh Popular Imagination and Finding Oz, the Great American Tale – both should be like required reading.

    Hi, Lizzie!!

    Nite all yall….

    Thursday, 16 September 2010 @ 9:06pm

  701. 701: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    Well Lizzie,
    His sun sign is air-so outwardly he is featherlike…..with an iron bite :)

    That sounds scarier than it is ….his ascendant,mars, and Venus make him scorpionic – he called me and left a vm and I still have not returned his call :(
    I am totally molting and I just can’t let myself ….. Well, he just asked me to give him a call he’s wondering/hoping life is treating me well….all very polite friendly and yet proper somehow….and I feel the undercurrent….I feel it….and wonder …. The last time I saw him 70% of my energy was spent peeling my aura off of his body….if that makes sense….and appearing very composed while feeling like chocolate left in the sun ALL DAY.

    Thursday, 16 September 2010 @ 9:19pm

  702. 702: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    Jlina-you’re patience is appreciated :)
    good night

    Thursday, 16 September 2010 @ 9:21pm

  703. 703: Apple JacksNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you Amber. Yes that was totally about me and my feelings surrounding my perception of the term ‘being ganged up on.’ Makes me remember the junior high school girl who could not find a place to sit on the school bus because of the taunts from the other kids who wanted to be liked also.

    I feel triggered now reliving those memories and imagining smashing a bus window with my violin case so I can release my anger and lighten my load.

    UGH I feel triggered again.

    Thursday, 16 September 2010 @ 10:04pm

  704. 704: JenniferNo Gravatar says:

    Could you please expand on what your therapist said about people who tell you they were gonna give you what you want but you ruined it by asking?
    They do this to shut you up?
    I feel hella triggered by that….in a good way. Does this apply to ALL situations where people say this or just your mother, do you think?
    I would feel so good to get some feedback on this.

    Friday, 17 September 2010 @ 3:50am

  705. 705: BarbinOzNo Gravatar says:

    Daria #663 and 664

    Been thinking about wisp world and heartlights today, I don’t know what they are but they sure sound good :)

    Friday, 17 September 2010 @ 4:34am

  706. 706: BarbinOzNo Gravatar says:

    Turtle Girl # 673

    250 men in 6 months Man I can’t even get a phone call from 3 aarrrgghhhhhhhh

    Friday, 17 September 2010 @ 4:37am

  707. 707: BarbinOzNo Gravatar says:

    Mercedes #678

    Would LOVE to do BFL with the man of my dreams (and shower togethere :)), but for the moment it will just be ME, MYSELF and I 😀

    Friday, 17 September 2010 @ 4:40am

  708. 708: LizzieNo Gravatar says:

    Nikita….if he is all feathery and tender on the outside, he just might be an intensely connected lover for you. You just might create incredible loving radiant energy together. If he is a patient lover, nothing will ever match him. Everyone needs to experience a scorpio lover once in their lives. So help me understand what might be holding you back if you are molten like chocolate? You sound delicious, maybe I should consider switching teams…(Just kidding!!!!)

    I, am continuing to hold on to myself so that I don’t self destruct. I am attending to that now and am very aware of what emotional fatigue is doing to me. I am holding on tight.

    Friday, 17 September 2010 @ 5:17am

  709. 709: Erika AwakeningNo Gravatar says:

    All right, ladies, I feel very excited … we have almost 20 already confirmed for Sunday’s HBR call … so … we are ON … yay :)

    Sunday, September 19, 2-3:30 pm PST

    I’ll be sending out the call-in information shortly, so if you haven’t yet confirmed with Brenda, please do so NOW to secure your slot.

    (If you have friends you’d like to invite to the call who are not already on Rori’s blog, please just let Brenda (mistywindfall @ or me know in advance … the call is open but I’d like to be personally connected to everyone who is on the call before we begin.)

    Looking forward to it … again, the topic is “Releasing Limiting/Negative Beliefs About Men and Embracing the Power of Your Feminine Energy.”

    Friday, 17 September 2010 @ 7:42am

  710. 710: Simply ShannonNo Gravatar says:

    Nikita: Wow! #684 – you took care of yourself right before my eyes. I loved reading your post! I feel wonderful and smiley! Yeah for taking care of you!

    Would love to hear more about this chocolate melting boy. :-)

    Friday, 17 September 2010 @ 9:24am

  711. 711: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    Thank .you, SS :)

    I was missing you a bit….sigh…chocolate melting boy :(

    I like him too much so I’m ignoring him. Very unusual behavior for me. It’s all in the mind…I know what I’m missing when it comes to him…. (wink) I still haven’t returned his call….do I have to? He didn’t ask me out, he was just sort of checking up….

    Friday, 17 September 2010 @ 9:55am

  712. 712: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    Lizzie…LOL – switching teams!….too funny, you must be a chocolate lover :)

    I have experienced a very tumultuous long term relationship with a Scorpio in my past……toxic is an understatement. It was the darkest thing ever and after that I felt shellshocked. I couldn’t believe the pattern I allowed myself to be in. Dangerous.
    I am very aware of the dark side of Scorpio that aside, I have also experienced the one I am presently procrastinating over…..omg…. Sigh* I feel intrigued by your view that he may connected to me…..if he’s light and feathery? He has commented on that connection and not feeling connected with just anyone…(not his words but you get the gist of it).
    Basically…, I feel torn..and I’d like to get some clarity on why I am suddenly a stick in the mud….or something like that.

    Friday, 17 September 2010 @ 10:06am

  713. 713: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Apple Jacks & Amber, RE: #683 – Fluffy teddy bears and big purple balloons to you!


    Friday, 17 September 2010 @ 11:39am

  714. 714: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    RE: #694 – Wouldn’t that be classified as overfunctioning? If not, maybe going out of your comfort zone and just calling him would help you move past that reservation and bring it into your comfort zone. How does your body and heart feel about calling his family’s number to reach him?

    Friday, 17 September 2010 @ 11:42am

  715. 715: LizzieNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Nikita,
    I believe it is really important to pay attention to your intuition. Part of paying attention, which you are doing, is exploration. Try exploring what it is about this new man that is triggering the reminder about the “real scorpio”. I many ways, I know I am quite glad I am a cusper because the real scorpios have a dark side that is unbelievable. I know I will not date a scorpio again – too much clash; I want a cancer or a taurus, I even like the capricorns. Even my own scorpio self-destruct mode surprises me. I am now getting the feeling that I built my own internal walls to protect myself from feeling feelings because they are so strong that they scare me. When I am disciplined around re-directing the energy, I can accomplish awesome things. On the down side, I have no idea if I have ever been loved by someone. I don’t know what that feels like. I over protected myself to serious detriment. I am working on that now.

    Speaking of that, I did send a note this morning to Family Guy -(we had this running thing on the go about him being a dragon slayer rather than a headless chicken because he is so busy) this is what I sent:

    Hey Dragon Slayer! Are you in your cave or perhaps out saving the world??

    I have had no service on my BB for a while – like 3 weeks – OOPS! So have no idea if I have heard from you except that I haven’t heard from you….and just know that it would feel great to hear from you.

    I have tools to return to you – I might be dropping my daughter to a friends’ in your neighborhood tomorrow, maybe she won’t go…who knows she is a teen….

    Any way, I should make arrangements to to drop it off for you sometime, somewhere – let me know what you think.

    I am not sure if I leaned over too far, but in some ways, I want to see how he responds as it might give me a hint as to if I have some potential there or if I should just close the chapter. I dunnnoooo, what do you think?

    Friday, 17 September 2010 @ 12:03pm

  716. 716: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    Lizzie baby…..
    I think it’s a way to control the situation and keep you from feeling uncomfortable with this state of unknowing. But I get very triggered …..a little triggered when read words like; should, have to, can’t , …….need …… I get a little…what? Should? And I feel stuck on that word…the whole vibration of should feels like “forced agenda”. It lacks vulnerability on the part of the speaker….to me. The email is not going to start a war or end the world:) but the challenge; should you choose to accept it, is what’s underneath this task you are efforting to
    Initiate ? Do you feel uncomfortable? Anxious, impatient, lonely, curious, clueless, angry, sad, or maybe…..after your ordeal you desire to connect with someone who gets “it”. Who feels…..maybe you want to feel supported… a perfect world; What DO YoU want from FGuy???? Without getting honest with ourselves we risk steering events off the road…..or just toppling the apple cart…..or the ultimate; throwing the baby out with the bathwater.

    I return things when I want to effect an ending of some sort…..I leave things…..because I need to or intend to return later. Now, are the tools in your way? Or do you feel sad staring at cold tools instead of feeling the warm man?

    Friday, 17 September 2010 @ 12:21pm

  717. 717: LizzieNo Gravatar says:

    Wow Nikita you are amazing….here is my last “should” – I wish I had posted before I sent – you insight is incredibly valuable. OH I am learning….

    Hmmm what is going on that I felt the need to initiate – feels lots of anxiety to me now. Anxiety is fear. That fear is the silent rejection I have created in the absence of anything else. I hope I didn’t steer potential off the road. I created the rejection in my own head. There is no reason for me to feel rejection. He just hasn’t been in touch in a long time.

    What do I really want – to feel supported and assured that I am still in his life and he is in my life. I want to feel like he is there for me and is just too busy. I would feel like I am still a part of his life if we had a bit of an email conversation or if he actually would call me on the phone – something he has never done. Our phone calls have only been to confirm arrival times. We have had nice little fun email conversations that just feel good to me. I don’t have a problem not seeing him frequently. Oddly, the idea of seeing him often, feels to stifling and I am not ready for that level of connection yet – the fantasy is good but not really real.

    At the moment he hasn’t made any time available for me and that hurts. He hasn’t been in touch in quite a while. A pattern that seems to be present on his part is when he is unsure of his time on something, he doesn’t actually contact me. He contacts me when he is sure about something. Reflecting on that in a more positive space, it is possible he does want to see me, and doesn’t see when that can happen in the short term so hasn’t contacted me.

    Friday, 17 September 2010 @ 1:15pm

  718. 718: tinqueNo Gravatar says:

    You know Lizzie, some men just aren’t much into texting, e-mailing, calling. It’s lovely this man does send you sweet e-mails. Maybe this is within his realm of comfort.
    Honestly K was never much into the e-mailing/calling thing and still isn’t. When he’s at work, he’s working and rarely call or e-mails.
    When we were dating, he maybe called once a week to confirm weekend plans, and we would spend the entire weekend together.
    Even earlier, he called to ask me out, and then he showed up when he said he would. I’m not sure he even called to confirm though I’m not sure. He may have. There were random extra calls here and there but not so often.
    There were some e-mails back and forth sometimes,fun, silly kinds of exchanges but now and then and only when he was being bored at work.
    My point is, some people don’t like those forms of communication so much and would rather wait to see you in person.

    Friday, 17 September 2010 @ 1:24pm

  719. 719: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    I so relate to your anxiety and insecurity. I see it so clearly about leaning back, yet emotionally, I am the same way. It is so hard to let go. What motivates me most to lean back and not overfunction is the “reward” I feel when a man initiates contact. I feel so happy and wanted then. Learning to wait. Trying to get my life full and active and healthy so each time he does see me, he is fascinated and wowed. Not that I want to do it just for a man, but it sure helps to motivate me to be my best self!!!


    Friday, 17 September 2010 @ 1:36pm

  720. 720: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    I am sure your man appreciates you so much! I bet he feels understood, accepted, and appreciated by you! You sound like an awesome lady!

    Friday, 17 September 2010 @ 1:37pm

  721. 721: JacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    @ Jennifer…no my Dad did it too; people in general will do it because they feel too pressured to meet your needs, so if they turn it around on you – “you’re tooo NEEDY,” it is very effective at shuting you up and or down. Now when I hear it, I don’t believe it – just like I don’t believe I am controlling, and yep asked a couple fo friends on that and they thought it was waaaay off – but I think it’s interesting. I think people here have issues with not being what is comfortable here. So, if I’m curious, I ask, or if I have something I want to say, I just keep saying it.

    If someone hears you as needy or controlling they are reacting to you, maybe not even hearing YOU at all……esp. since in this case it’s only come up once… if you hear it from multiple sources day after day….uh, yeah, might wanna think it really is you!!! lol…

    Lizzie – it just IS, is what Rori would say. It’s you living your life and there are no mistakes…..and ya know I’m gonna repost this over there, too – and that’s not a mistake, it’s taking it to all of yall..


    Friday, 17 September 2010 @ 1:41pm

  722. 722: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    Why are you so needy and controlling?


    Friday, 17 September 2010 @ 1:44pm

  723. 723: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Whew! I’m not sure how to respond to this one! I just got a text from my friend with cerebral palsy, Mark, who is in a wheelchair and physically deformed but with normal intelligence and a very sweet heart. I saw him a couple weeks ago, and he told me he is going to marry a long time friend in another state.

    Here is the text:

    “If you woke up one morning and saw me in your bed, what would you do?

    1) Go back to sleep
    2) Slap me
    3) Cuss me out
    4) Stop drinking so much
    5) Just tell me to leave
    6) Cuddle up next to me
    7) F*ck me
    8) Make me breakfast
    9) Ask me my name
    10) Call the cops
    11) Other (please specify)

    Send this to everyone. See how many people want you in their bed. You’d be surprised (send to both sexes).”

    Not sure what to do with this one!! Probably a humorous answer. I like him as a friend, but I have no romantic attraction to him whatsoever. Any ideas?

    Friday, 17 September 2010 @ 1:51pm

  724. 724: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Tinque, thanks so much for sharing your experiences about this topic! That feels really good to hear…. One of my CD guys is like that — and I have the feeling WH may be as well. I kinda go back and forth about it, like Lizzie apparently has done in her mind as well — but he really does seem more like your K.

    Friday, 17 September 2010 @ 1:52pm

  725. 725: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Hey, I just realized that an “8” next to a “)” makes a smiley face with sunglasses! Cool! 8)

    Friday, 17 September 2010 @ 1:52pm

  726. 726: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    “What motivates me most to lean back and not overfunction is the “reward” I feel when a man initiates contact. I feel so happy and wanted then.”

    Yes! Well put, Brenda!

    Friday, 17 September 2010 @ 1:53pm

  727. 727: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    “If someone hears you as needy or controlling they are reacting to you, maybe not even hearing YOU at all……”

    That is true in some cases, but not all. Especially as people become more conscious and self-aware, they can identify genuine neediness and control in another person.

    Friday, 17 September 2010 @ 1:58pm

  728. 728: JenniferNo Gravatar says:

    B used to do that to me all the time. I’d do something for myself or ask him for something and he’d say “I was going to do that but now I won’t”. It used to hurt me so much cause I felt I was setting boundaries and taking care of myself and then he made it feel like i was impatient and selfish….like if I was just patient enough he would give me what I wanted. That’s part of the reason I spent 6 years with a guy who didn’t tell me he loved me until we had been together for 5 years.
    I feel a little better hearing that it might have been that he was never going to meet my needs and this was just his way of shutting me up.
    And holy $hit…….what an A-hole.

    Friday, 17 September 2010 @ 2:19pm

  729. 729: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    I said that to a non-Rori-ite about feeling “rewarded” and she said, “Ewww, that sounds like you are so needy and desperate! That isn’t a reward! If you would just leave him in the past (about Ryan), you’d be doing so much better. Why do you have to cling to him like that? This relationship doesn’t sound healthy. You just can’t seem to let him go!”

    What do you all think of that? It felt harsh, and I didn’t like it. Yet I am trying to be open and self-aware.

    Friday, 17 September 2010 @ 2:19pm

  730. 730: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    RE: #721 – About that unusual text I got, I am still thinking about how to respond. The easy way would be to not respond at all. But I want to practice feeling messages, so I am thinking about something like this:

    Hi Mark! I appreciate you sending me a text, but I feel uncomfortable with it. What do you think?

    Friday, 17 September 2010 @ 2:21pm

  731. 731: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Or how bout…

    Hmmm, weird, I just had a dream last night where I fell asleep in this dark, cold cave, and I woke up with you beside me! And your woman was on your other side, naked! I was like, “What? Mark? How did we get here?” I reached across you and shook hands with your woman, introducing myself. Then I woke up.

    Nah, stupid. Trying to think of something creative and funny. I know he’s just trying to have fun, and he doesn’t normally send me texts at all.

    Friday, 17 September 2010 @ 2:24pm

  732. 732: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Lucille? Lol.

    I think you are doing great with your baby steps (and some giant leaps). The whole thing with Ryan is complex, and I believe if you continue to follow your heart and also use Rori’s tools (and get in a lil HBR :) ), you are going to be just fine. (You already ARE just fine, but you know what I mean.) Your eyes are mostly open around the Ryan issue now, so you’re doing so much better than you were.

    That’s my two cents, since you asked. :)

    Friday, 17 September 2010 @ 2:25pm

  733. 733: tinqueNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you Bren, and you’re welcome Lucy.
    I hate doing this, but since it’s SO relevant to recent discussion, I posted an article on expectations this week if any one is interested.
    You all know how it works. Click on my name or picture.

    Friday, 17 September 2010 @ 2:25pm

  734. 734: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Brenda, to me, it just sounds like one of those things you send to everyone in your address book, or post on facebook for everyone to have fun with. What do you think?

    Friday, 17 September 2010 @ 2:30pm

  735. 735: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    Yes, you are Lucille today. Sometimes I think you are Lucy, and sometimes you remind me sooo much of this friend I have named M….Oops! :-O

    Lucille, yes, it is. I am just trying to decide how to answer it in a fun way, not a fuddy duddy way. Yet I don’t want to lead him on, in case he has any ideas.

    Friday, 17 September 2010 @ 2:37pm

  736. 736: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    Duz it tickle when people click on your face?

    Friday, 17 September 2010 @ 2:38pm

  737. 737: AmberNo Gravatar says:


    My money is on #1. Go back to sleep :) You like his as a friend? So there’s no horror or eww or rejection, and there’s no OOOO let’s get busy either.

    There’s just sleep.

    That’s my two cents…

    Friday, 17 September 2010 @ 2:40pm

  738. 738: AmberNo Gravatar says:

    Lucy- 725

    Respectfully disagree. This is not my truth. I can accept this as your truth though.

    Jennifer – 726

    YES, YES, YES. I AGREE. How is the new site going? And how was the movie with Judo-Man? Ooo. Lets write a comic strip about him. What would his super power be?

    Friday, 17 September 2010 @ 2:48pm

  739. 739: AmberNo Gravatar says:

    And Brenda- another couple cents on this- He’s marrying someone else. So if he takes that as you liking him for more- well- that’s how he takes it. If it comes up, THEN you can gently set him straight.

    Friday, 17 September 2010 @ 2:50pm

  740. 740: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Brenda, speaking of leading men on . . . I have been feeling like a certain someone led me on a bit … and then I realized I do that to men a LOT Payback. Mirror. Karma. Whatever.

    Friday, 17 September 2010 @ 2:52pm

  741. 741: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Jacqueline, I fully accept your truth as your truth as well. Funny how that works. :)

    Friday, 17 September 2010 @ 2:54pm

  742. 742: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Oh, sorry, that was Amber! Oops!

    Friday, 17 September 2010 @ 2:56pm

  743. 743: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Your spirits feel very similar . . .

    Friday, 17 September 2010 @ 2:57pm

  744. 744: JenniferNo Gravatar says:

    Amber #736
    I’m glad you agree….sometimes I think I’m just spoiled and expect too much….my father says “you always were a picky bitch.” So it feels good to hear someone say they think he’s an A-hole too.
    Judo man is brining me the movie at class next week. The thing is….he found me a zombie movie I’ve never seen. I love zombie movies.
    His super power? I’m worried that its sex. That’s why I haven’t slept with him.
    This dude love vulvas…is doing a photo book of them….he’s WICKED flexible and very tactile. He’s probably superman in bed.
    Therefore sleeping with him after 6 years of a dude who would “starfish” on me and could NOT be convinced to do the stuff I wanted and was obsessed with BDSM would probably turn me into a stage ten clinger.
    It would be all stalker all day long. I’d be camping on his front lawn throwing rocks at the cars that came up the drive that had women in them.

    Friday, 17 September 2010 @ 2:59pm

  745. 745: AmberNo Gravatar says:

    Luce- #739
    I think you meant Amber (ME!)… I know we look alike (sorta) and we’ve both got that Scorpio thing goin’ on…

    Friday, 17 September 2010 @ 2:59pm

  746. 746: AmberNo Gravatar says:


    Eww and Uck. B stands for barf. I am SO glad he’s the past! Okai- the enlightened me says- there’s someone out there that is his perfect mate.

    Thank goodness it isn’t you!!!

    And so does your dad say that lovingly? I hope? I think I remember you posting about your parents and you connected with your mom over it (you were staying there?) but I don’t know what happened with your dad.

    And re: Judo Man… I don’t THINK so. He may have sexual super powers, but I’m sure you could be his Kryptonite.

    But I totally feel good about you taking care of you if you’re not feeling your own super powers yet.

    I want a T-Shirt for you


    Friday, 17 September 2010 @ 3:08pm

  747. 747: LizzieNo Gravatar says:

    Tinque – your two articles are terrific.

    FG actually said to me one time “I have a time slot for ….”
    Another of my friends described the wall of boxes and how he sorts through the boxes to see where he needs to spend some time. I had a lover once who would suddenly jump up from the bed and say, so you are going to have a shower? OK and off he would go into the office and work. I found it so odd, then I had to remember that the “woman in my bed box” was now closed and the “work” box was open. Another thing I found is that they can really only have one box open at a time and if there is excessive stress in that box, the other boxes on the wall get very very little attention.

    Friday, 17 September 2010 @ 3:26pm

  748. 748: LizzieNo Gravatar says:

    I was out in the traffic – reflecting on what I had done so sent another message to FG saying that I was mixed-up and that there was no rush on returning his tools I just didn’t want him to be missing them and that I appreciate his trust and that I would feel happy to hear how things are with him.

    I feel much less stressed about this message and not invested in the outcome.

    Gee if I could just rein in the impulsive stuff – oh well – I am really learning about what I really want and what it feels like to be invested in the outcome. Incredibly powerful….

    Friday, 17 September 2010 @ 3:40pm

  749. 749: tinqueNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you Lizzie though I’m not sure to which articles you are referring. I’ve written many, many, many. Must be the latest two. So thank you.

    Friday, 17 September 2010 @ 4:00pm

  750. 750: maryNo Gravatar says:


    I just read this amazing post!

    I’ve been spending time with my man. And it’s working. It’s working. Sirens! Something is working!

    I’m not too invested. I’m remembering all those guys who wanted to go out when I was on the dating sites and doing the dating clubs. And there are so many interesting people out there to do things with! And I’m loving my new job! And meeting tons of people there. My calendar is full.

    I feel content.

    I don’t feel needy. I don’t feel begging. I don’t feel anything but respect for my guy and I feel the respect being returned.


    There were a few moments there a couple of weeks ago when he was taking a few steps backwards, just thinking about things… and then he called and asked me out on the spur of the moment. I wanted to go because what he was proposing was something I LOVE to do… so I drove to him and went.

    He didn’t look me in the eye. He seemed preoccupied. But I just looked around, got my bearings and kept remembering something Rori wrote about I Am the Pie, and feeling confident that he wanted me, whether he knew it or not, so I just enjoyed the activity. And the scenery. And kinda forgot about him.

    And he started getting into me. And I kinda didn’t even care because I was enjoying the day so much. And we stopped to get some food and we were both hungry, and we had laughing and talking times at the store, and when we got back to cook it, … what a wonderful evening!

    So good.

    And that thinking: I Am His Pie, and My Pie is Out Here in the World, Loving Every Moment and Being Me… got me centered and I feel so happy that I can be content and have amazing times all by myself and with all the people I meet!

    Oh wow.

    Life is sometimes so good.

    I’m just in, touching base, and out.

    We’re all in this together, eh?

    Saturday, 18 September 2010 @ 10:39am

  751. 751: Apple JacksNo Gravatar says:

    Mary that was such a lovely post! :) I’m someone’s juice and pie right now too. I was told this morning I was missed, and that feels GOOD! Yummy yummy, delectable honey. :)

    Saturday, 18 September 2010 @ 11:00am

  752. 752: BarbinOzNo Gravatar says:

    Great post Mary 😀

    Sunday, 19 September 2010 @ 1:09am

  753. 753: RoxyNo Gravatar says:

    I always seem to find a man and get attached way too fast. I let my heart get involved quickly but then end up getting hurt when he says he just wants to be ‘friends’. I fall into the friend trap way too easily and I don’t know what I’m doing wrong. Three months ago I started talking to a gentleman online. It was just casual. I didn’t ever answer his emails right away. It was friendly and I planned on keeping it that way. I was still getting over a relationship that I had dissolved about 6months before. Then about 3 weeks ago, he started getting more persistant. He asked me out and I was casual about the answer–said that it would be fine if he wanted to see me for a date, but I would have to let him know when I was available. Finally I agreed a date on Labor Day. We connected emotionally right away, and I’m certain there was also a physical attraction. We spent the next few days talking for hours in the evening on the phone until one of us almost fell asleep. He came to see me a few days later and we talked for a few hours and he went home. Then he called and we talked some more. I kept feeling like I was getting more connected to him and it was scaring me. He seemed to get me and I seemed to get him, like we’d been friends for years. then he dropped a bomb on me. He told me about another woman he had been seeing before he met me, and of course, he was still seeing. He told me he really connected with me, but he was drawn to her too and couldn’t let go of his feelings for her. The only big issue standing in his way of actually being with her is that she had another boyfriend and was seeing him as well and couldn’t make up her mind. It seems like the more time she takes deciding on who she wants, the more he wants her back. He would call me up and go on and on about her. Finally I put my foot down and said, ” I understand how you feel about this woman. You’ve developed a bond, a connection with her that is strong, but if she isn’t making up her mind, you need to leave her be and move on.” That is when I proceeded to tell him my own feelings. “I like you. In fact, I am starting to feel more than just friendly feelings for you. If you would like to continue to date me, I would like that. But if your heart is torn between me and her, then you need to decide what you want and I will back away while you do it. My heart has been hurt before by being caught in a love triangle. I won’t do that again. Whoever I end up with, I want to make sure it’s because he really wanted me, not because I was 2nd best to someone else. These are my feelings. I hope you understand and can give my feelings consideration.” He then told me that he didn’t want to be 2nd best either to this woman’s other boyfriend and was going to tell her so. Long story short, he ended up telling her this and they broke up. But shortly after that, we ended up in a fight over him going back and forth between the two of us (because I was scared he would make up with her again and leave). I don’t know where we stand now. We both apologized to each other for the things we said ( I apologized more because I said mean things I shouldn’t have because I was angry and scared.) It’s only been 2 days and we haven’t talked or texted or emailed. I wanted to give him his space. I hope that I’m doing the right thing. I just don’t want to be 2nd best, but I don’t know how to just let go and let him pick me. I want with all my heart for him to pick me, but I won’t force that. If he wants me, he knows where to find me. Is there anything I can do (ie. Siren techniques) to have him begging to come back to me? I just don’t want to do anything to push him away so he never intends on coming back. Thanks Rori. This one is pulling at my heart strings.

    Sunday, 19 September 2010 @ 2:31pm

  754. 754: IsaNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Lori : S.O.S. I feel nervous after some overwhealming days ( husband health issues) , and I forget to use the tools and feeling messages, (my “cactus” self), how can stay focus and relax and continuing use your wonderful tools ?

    Tuesday, 21 September 2010 @ 4:09pm

  755. 755: IsaNo Gravatar says:

    Arggh I’m feeling annoyed, a bit judged, ignored and preached at. I feel appreciation for this blog and like I want to hear a man’s opinion. After all it’s him I’ll be screwing and spending my life with. It feels good to think about Rori’s statement that if he intend on taking you seriously when you have sex doesn’t matter. It feels good to realize that hey that’s why I’d want to strain against my usual rushy lustful ways and build in time. I hate sex that is just sport f**king..especially when I look forward to so much more I then feel like oh.. That’s it. I am still being chased, gifts offered, time spent with, talked to by a man I said hey take all the time you need but I chose to wait until I know where we stand. I like being the real me…I don’t have all the answers but I do recall that my two best relationships were started in the opposite way….one we were physical right away but he was a friend that supported me through a bad relationship…then we got to gether rgith away…came from wating 2 months organically rather than the immediate. I don’t know why…

    Wednesday, 22 September 2010 @ 9:49am

  756. 756: AngelaNo Gravatar says:

    Summary: Please Help!!!!
    Issue Details: I am sorry but these tapes are making me worse. I was getting strong and liking
    myself again but now I am blaming myself for the relationship going bad. We
    used to be madly in love but something happened and now he spends all his time
    with his friends and says just because he isn’t with me doesn’t mean he doesn’t
    love me. I love myself but this had drove me crazy and I just need to find
    myself again and stop looking for answers. I know the begining was not make
    believe but now it’s like he feels nothing. Anyway, I am on all kinds of meds
    and have lost 9 pounds in 2 weeks. I thought this would explain how to get him
    to love me. All it did is show me that it is all my fault. Do you have any
    answers for me? Can I send the CD’s back?

    Thursday, 23 September 2010 @ 8:06am

  757. 757: Rori RayeNo Gravatar says:

    Angela – of course you can send them back and get a full refund. I’m not for everyone. It’s not your fault – BUT – so much of it is in your own hands. Learn the Tools and USE them…have you practiced with them on people other than the man you love? Love, Rori

    Thursday, 23 September 2010 @ 5:58pm

  758. 758: pamelaNo Gravatar says:

    me and my husband had a breakdown and went into 2 months of divorce talk. divorce talk has left but the other woman hasnt completely left the picture. the problem is this whole time me and my husband have never stopped having sex. we agreed that it was a no attachment thing. well now he is saying i love you and trying for real sex… but with my feelings, i cant get her out of my head when i am with him. if i say anything it will all blow up again. how do i help myself..

    Monday, 20 June 2011 @ 4:15pm

  759. 759: Modesta MaciagNo Gravatar says:

    I hoped the creator would have some time to respond to all these comments. There appears to be numerous interest here on this internet page.

    Saturday, 13 August 2011 @ 3:31pm

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