Here’s a letter I wrote to my client June. She was looking for the exact “words” to text to welcome a man who’s being very confusing, very hot and cold, very non-commital, and very short on time for her – home from a business trip:
The hardest part of loving a man – or anyone- unconditionally, is accepting the fact that he’s making his own decisions. He’s either feeling it or he isn’t.
The power you have (and it’s considerable) – is in influencing the way he thinks and feels about you through the safety and thrills your presence in his life provides him.
A woman’s best (and often only) chance in ramping up attraction with a man (and that’s what this is all about) is feeling more secure and comfortable inside herself, less like she has to “do” anything to “get” him, without damping down her enthusiasm for life and for him.
So – if you’re “acting” enthusiastic, but really feeling needy and desperate inside – that won’t work.
Texts, by themselves – may be wonderful, and written in the best Feeling language – but, essentially it’s not ABOUT that.
It’s about “Where you’re COMING from.”
THAT’S what a man picks up on.
Yes!!!! See – sometimes it has nothing to do with us. (Most of the time.)
And if we make it about US – we do damage.
He can smell fear, he can smell it when a woman puts him at the center of her life – he can feel the pressure.
Backing away in itself is meaningless.
It’s whether or not it helps YOUR energy and “vibe” to do so.
When you’re overcome by need, or feeling compelled to DO anything – it’s always best to back off, settle into yourself, feel what your feeling, own it, and wait to “do” anything until you can communicate authentically and show up as free of tension and agenda as you can.
Often – actually saying straight out that you feel shaky and weird and insecure is the BEST thing you can do in a tense moment.
If saying those things out loud sends a man away then “so be it….” It’s better to find out early if a man can “DO” relationship and partnership.
And just SAYING how you feel is always a tremendous act of confidence.
You’re very new to all of this. See if you can let all these concepts, ideas and tools flow around inside yourself so you can begin to trust your instincts and intuition, and not ACT from defensiveness and discomfort and fear.
I hope this makes some sense – I know it sounds a bit poetical…
And the answer is to LOVE your terror. Love the fear. Love the ugly.
Can you see what a difference this would make?
LOVE your mistakes…stop telling yourself yu suck at anything, and when you DO tell yourself that – love the part that’s telling it to you!
It’s all about integrating your system harmoniously. Building it all around self-love no matter what. Then everything shows up better. Love your insecurity. Love it all. That way, no one can shake you up when it happens….
I have utter, total faith in you….just keep watching me do the Tools on the programs, listen to them, do them 24/7 – just let them do the work for you in getting out of your brain.
These things work on a subconscious level, on an emotional level.
What you can do with your intellect around “shifting your vibe” is pretty minimal.
But if you just practice this constant slowing down, being aware, tracking, shifting your thoughts…it’ll just all fall into place for you.