Can You Make Him Love You If He Says He Doesn’t?

bad boyHere’s a letter from Nancy who’s convinced she can make a relationship “happen” – and is going about it in a way that’s defeating her:

“Rori, He contacted me to make plans for Friday before I had to ask him about it, but I’m wondering what to do as a next step. We had a fantastic, lovely evening out on Friday – dinner, a party, dancing, then a walk.

So then we were kissing (which was all we were going to do given the way things are right now between us), and he said we shouldn’t be kissing as we have a friendship not relationship at the moment! That while he’s in his divorce transition, he doesn’t want to commit to a relationship etc.

I reminded him of all the times recently when he has told me about his feelings for me. And he said yes, but his feelings come and go at the moment. So I said I felt we were in a relationship, just not committed yet, and we could continue to enjoy it and see how it develops.

Then the next day he didn’t contact me. Not even to find out how I am. I texted him in the evening and he didn’t respond.

So now I’m feeling hurt, confused, unsure what to do next. None of the other guys I’ve dated comes remotely close, and I really want this to work. But it feels painful and confusing.

Would really appreciate your feedback.

Love, Nancy”

My Answer:

Nancy – you’re going to hate my answer. Please don’t read it if you’re not in a tough love mood.

He said you were friends. ONLY. For now, perhaps – but for now JUST FRIENDS. He doesn’t even want to endanger that “friend zone” by kissing you.

***And you’re choosing not to believe him.***

You’re trying to talk him into the feeling you think he has. He said they “come and go.” Which means he does NOT have abiding, consistent feelings for you “at the moment.”

***And now you’re feeling hurt.***

This is YOUR mind. He has done nothing wrong, been totally straight with you, and you’re turning your own feelings into something that is not, at the moment existing.

If you believe that throwing yourself at a man who wants to be only your friend right now (no matter how romantic YOU think it is), and trying to convince him to feel something and want he doesn’t (there’s a song about that by Bonnie Raitt), is going to get you closer to him, I’m DEFINITELY not the coach for you.

For me, throwing yourself at a man and trying to convince him you’re willing to “have fun with him” and be “just friends” when you’re CLEARLY NOT, and telling him you’re in a relationship with him when he has actually said, in exact words, that you are NOT in a relationship (no matter what YOU think) makes you “cheap,” easy, unfortunate, unattractive, needy, desperate, and radiating low self-worth.

***Hardly what a man is looking for in a women.***

Is this you?

I think not.

What would you say to a client who insisted on doing this?

Yes, the play “Passion” and the movie it’s based on is about how throwing yourself utterly at a man binds him to you – and yet, in that movie and play – the woman is powerful in every way. She basically, literally holds this man’s life in her hands politically, financially, every way.

Some women out there have that option today, to “force” a man to be with them because of their celebrity or money…but you and I don’t. We have to rely on attraction, on the fact that the relationship is “right” and “meant to be” – and most importantly, that the MAN WANTS IT.

The very first step in making a man want to fall for you is not selling yourself to him cheap – and that’s what you’re doing. Every time you even THINK of him – you’re doing it, and damaging whatever future you could ever have with this man (and it’s going to take long time, until his divorce is final, and then he needs to go sow some wild oats for awhile, and then he might revisit women he’s known, including you.

Again – is that what you want?

The important thing, here, as I see it, is the example this sets for YOU. If you continue to approach men in this way, to have this attitude that somehow you can “make it happen” in this way, you essentially block yourself from men who WANT to make it happen!

If this man is right for you, he’ll show up one day. HE’LL make that decision. And he’s made a completely different decision, as I see it.

It’s up to you if you want to break off contact with him, or Circular Date him along with other men. But if you’re hung up on him and can’t really give the world of other men a chance, then I think your choice is clear.

I think you’re way, way too amazing to want this low level of love – where it’s all coming from you.

I think you’re way, way too smart to believe that somehow this man is LYING to you about his feelings.

I’m not saying he’s not attracted to you.

I’m not saying he doesn’t have “feelings for you.”

Have you ever been really physically attracted to a man you didn’t have deep emotional feelings for? Who you loved, perhaps, as a friend, and had a great time with, and could have sex with if you wanted? Is it possible that’s what’s going on with this man now, and you’re making up the rest?

And let’s say it’s just his current circumstance. That because of his divorce situation he can’t think straight, he doesn’t want to be committed to anything else right now (this makes good, common sense)?

Do you believe that “hanging in there” is going to make a difference for the better? It can’t.

I never, ever, would encourage any woman to “keep up a friendship” with a man she’s in love with.

That’s a recipe for a world of hurt.

Love, Rori

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646 Comments to “Can You Make Him Love You If He Says He Doesn’t?”

  1. 1: OlympiaNo Gravatar says:

    ugh, this is so me!

    I feel determined to be better at leaning back!!

    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 7:26am

  2. 2: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:


    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 7:55am

  3. 3: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    He said you were friends. ONLY. For now, perhaps – but for now JUST FRIENDS.

    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 7:57am

  4. 4: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    For me, throwing yourself at a man and trying to convince him you’re willing to “have fun with him” and be “just friends” when you’re CLEARLY NOT, and telling him you’re in a relationship with him when he has actually said, in exact words, that you are NOT in a relationship (no matter what YOU think) makes you “cheap,” easy, unfortunate, unattractive, needy, desperate, and radiating low self-worth.

    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 7:58am

  5. 5: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    I never, ever, would encourage any woman to “keep up a friendship” with a man she’s in love with.

    Rori, profound profound profound insights.

    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 8:00am

  6. 6: coco kissesNo Gravatar says:

    Keeping up a friendship with a man, when you really want a loving passion filled relationship fills bad, and very difficult….

    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 8:13am

  7. 7: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Hey coco kisses

    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 8:18am

  8. 8: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Sassy remember your comment.

    “I think you’re way, way too smart to believe that somehow this man is LYING to you about his feelings”

    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 8:20am

  9. 9: coco kissesNo Gravatar says:

    My husband and I have been communicating more, and that feels good, however he has told me that though he feels really good about the positive changes I’ve made in my life, and is super proud of me opening my salon, and he does want to come back, he feels concerned, because he still doesn’t feel passionately/sexual charged towards me. Before him saying this would put me in an emotional frenzy, trying to be what I thought he wanted, and doing things to PROVE, I was the one he needed. Now I’m so on fire for myself, it didn’t phase me. I’m Coco, PERIOD. I am sexy, loving, smart, etcetra, ecetra…I don’t know why I’m not triggering sexual feelings in him, but I can’t get depressed about it…..if anyone has any advice feel free….I am not holding my breathing for any particular outcome….I know that no matter what, I will have a passionate sex filled relationship with a great man

    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 8:25am

  10. 10: LuzydelNo Gravatar says:


    Right now I am between that woman and a stronger one… We all fall into that trap because we fear being alone, and we think this is our only chance…

    But truth is that nothing is better than that. Nothing feels hopeful, while the crumbs a man gives me feel painful and desperate. Nothing is a space for something new and better. I rather have nothing, than to settle for cheap crumbs…

    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 8:26am

  11. 11: coco kissesNo Gravatar says:

    @Feminine Woman…Hey….I finally got a breather, so decided to drop in and comment/give an update :-) How’s everything with going with you?

    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 8:31am

  12. 12: BelleNo Gravatar says:

    I feel weird reading this.
    I should listen to myself.
    *I’m* the one who has been saying “This isn’t a relationship”.

    I feel like the only way be done a guy like C off of me is to let myself work up a good mad, pull the b*tch card and tell him to eff off.
    I wonder if I have been seeing him as more sensitive than he is. I haven’t wanted to hurt him, I didn’t want to be like the other “psycho” stalker women who have flipped out on him, and like I’ve been in the past but maybe it’s just what is needed here.

    I noticed that it seem so important not to feel like I’m abandoning or betraying him…ugh, like somewhere in my mind I see him like a little child with a fragile heart who is going to be broken if I get really p!ssed with him.

    I’ve been following all of these feelings, but the feelings are just feelings, and this most recent time we were affectionate it just really wasn’t that great, I felt like I was going through the motions and enjoying it only to a certain degree but really how COULD I let myself go and be totally into him when there’s nothing real there? If we don’t talk and communicate and are building our lives together, then really when we meet up we could ONLY be engaging in our fantasies. Which isn’t bad or wrong, but it is certainly losing it’s luster.

    I’ll take a cue from LiliBee and make a list of all of the qualities I enjoyed about past relationships, AND jobs, AND friendships, and then put it all on the back burner and face what’s in front of me now and do the best I can with my job and also make a point to really love what I love about my job and let LOA do what it does.

    I feel open to any sirens who have any feedback on overcoming the attraction to the charming bad boy :)
    Rori has said, attraction to these types are a subconscious way of using me to hurt ourselves, and I’m wondering where I need to forgive myself?

    I feel like I abandoned my son in so many ways when he was a child (oh…the tears are rising, must be on the right path there..)
    I was so young, and left him with a sitter for the first time when he was 3 days old because I was in high school, with no support, his father was a mess and wouldn’t work and staying in school was the only way I could see to having a better future.
    I remember
    that’s it
    I just wailed and sobbed and tears are falling now.
    I remember I shut down my heart that day when I left him with my friend, literally choking down and swallowing the grief and the pain. It was too much. I had to do what I had to do. I was only 16, and as far as I could tell I had nowhere to turn. Most of the teachers wanted to shame me
    and more sobbing
    hand on my heart, feels so good
    the rage and the sorrow
    I needed HELP, compassion, a friggin hand up, not this f*cking “tsk tsk isn’t that a shame”-ing
    the pain
    my father beating me and snarling and sneering at me telling me I wasn’t good for anything but f*cking (as if that was so horrible!!) but not even good enough for that because I was so disgusting and ugly.
    “if you ever want to find your mother we’ll go to ___ city and go looking at all of the street corners, you sl*t.”
    I was 10.
    It’s sort of laughable now, because what hurt so much was that I believed him. If he pulled that with me now, I’d just think, “You, are messed up, dude.”
    I just wanted some damned HELP out of the insanity.
    I forgive myself
    I forgive myself for believing him
    I forgive myself letting him hurt me because I loved him so much
    I forgive myself for putting myself in a position of having to leave my children
    I forgive myself for running on pure instinct
    I forgive myself for not knowing any better
    I forgive myself for sometimes even maybe knowing better but doing the painful thing anyway for any reason
    I love love love love my young mama self
    I love love love my younger, weak self
    Sink into these feelings…
    A sharp ribbon of pain radiating up my neck (lean back)
    Sensations in my forehad, throat, upper chest
    It feels like too much, too much, too much (more tears and sobbing)
    too much to loeave someone I love
    My heart feels too tneder, too sensitive, can’t take it
    I want to rage and wail and scream about this f*cking stupid society and f*cked up culture where women are shamed for their sexuality when we need support and education, were mommies have to leave their babies just to find a way to survive (and really, I don’t know if that’s true but it sure seemed that way at the time, it was all I could see and nobody was stepping up offering me any other solutions…just…tsk tsk, what a shame and oh, you’re falling asleep in your advanced honors algebra class you should have thought of that before you had a baby WTF yes F*ck you Mr. S and your dismissive bs attitude I feel like I just want to kick and bite and hurt and MAKE people see all of this PAIN
    I want my tribe
    I want my mom, my REAL mom
    I want to be a little kid, playing in the dirt and the trees and connected to my Mama Earth and let babies be what I know they can be when they don’t have to “earn” a living making dollars on planet that gives us EVERYTHING FOR FREEE
    There is a prayer wailing from the depths of my soul that this is SICK and sick sick sick to be so disconnected from our planet that we live, every cell in our bodies comes from her, every breath that we breathe comes from her and I feel my heart pull to the ground
    my my soul cries
    How can I serve? How can I make this better? What can I do?
    (Just love just love just love just love)

    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 8:38am

  13. 13: T-GirlNo Gravatar says:

    Wow, great article regarding a topic that has recently been discussed here. I can see where it is hard though.

    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 8:44am

  14. 14: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    “and then he needs to go sow some wild oats for awhile”

    eewwww shaking myself. It feels creepy crawly repulsive thinking I could be soil for those wild oats. eewww ewwww eeewwwwww

    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 8:49am

  15. 15: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    I feel sexual, sensual, successful and satisfied cocokisses. It always feels so good to see your name pop up. You have been an inspiration.

    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 8:50am

  16. 16: ReceivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    I can relate to this article. I’ve been there, done that. I did this with ShyGuy, however, I moved on when I decided it was time and we are still friends. There is a different feel between us nowadays and that is good. I wanted to be in love with him, but you can’t be in love with someone when the situation isn’t complete, so it was a crush and it ended. I do think he still has feelings for me, but for the first time I also get the feeling he is happy for me and glad I am with Mr. Observant. He always commented on my bad track record, he seemed jealous and upset when I was with BoatGuy, but I felt an acceptance from him at the party a week ago.

    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 8:50am

  17. 17: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    I feel so embarassed to write about Jack CD. I feel like he is totally messing with my mind, and I don’t know why! (sometimes I really do feel like he is just trying to get into my pants eventually)

    GRRRRRR. I feel really annoyed.

    He is the third guy I’ve known that has been in a position of authority over me (teacher, same age though) and that I sense is trying to communicate with me with these weird, passive aggressive ways in these random, don’t-have-to-do-with-anything-else-points when he’s teaching.

    Thankfully, he’s the first guy out of the three who is actually SINGLE.

    Like, last night, before class, I casually asked him how he was doing while I was sitting across from him in my seat.

    and he was like, “Terrible.” but he said it while smiling, so I smiled too. (couldn’t help it.)

    and I just said, “Sorry you’re doing so terrible” while smiling.

    and he goes, “I’m not.” and then he locked eyes with me and wouldn’t look away for a good ten seconds.

    and it made feel soooooo squirmy and blushy.

    Then, while he was teaching, he got off on some point that I swear didn’t have to do with anything on topic, and he was like, “like, say you’re in a guy/girl situation. and you’re both interested, but communication isn’t taking place. and sure, you’re like, ‘I’m not the best communicator’ (I think I actually said that to him at some point), but if you want someone enough, you’ll make it happen.”

    UGgggg, I feel like he’s waiting for me to do or say something! but I feel so stubborn and I want him to take the lead and he’s not! and if we’re going to talk, I want to talk about this stuff PRIVATELY, in a situation where he has asked me out.

    anyone want to psycho-analyze it all for me?


    tell me just to forget about it and CD other men?

    I guess it just drives me crazy because I feel so much sexual tension between us, but that doesn’t “mean” anything necessarily.

    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 8:55am

  18. 18: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    oH (((((((((((((((((((((((((Belle)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

    That just brought tears to my eyes and a deep sinking feeling in my gut. Oh ((((((((Belle))))))))))))))))))

    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 8:56am

  19. 19: ReceivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    (((Belle))) You did what you thought was best for your son and you should feel proud of that. You were very young and school was a good choice. :) I feel so sad reading your comment.

    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 8:57am

  20. 20: T-GirlNo Gravatar says:

    Mmm FW, those are great feelings!

    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 8:58am

  21. 21: LuzydelNo Gravatar says:

    whoohoo! busy weekend, rehearsal for dance event today at night and tomorrow I will dance with my crew! yayy me… forget about “Dw” he is not going to move, and I don’t want to make him move…it feels tiring every time I had to try make a man move.
    I am going to flirt with the musicians at the rehearsal!

    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 9:00am

  22. 22: Memulo says:

    I resounded to a couple of posts on the last thread when realized there is a new one up.

    I am actually not short, but not really tall either, close to 5’6. Wanted to be shorter for nice shirt guys in the past;)

    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 9:00am

  23. 23: T-GirlNo Gravatar says:


    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 9:00am

  24. 24: coco kissesNo Gravatar says:

    ((((Belle)))))…….@ Feminine Woman…..I you comment made me Fe loved!

    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 9:02am

  25. 25: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    @ 12 Belle – that was so beautiful. I don’t know what I feel reading it, but I feel YOU radiating out of it, and I feel such sorrow for you, but such hope as well.

    I feel inadequate in my understanding of situations like yours.

    I want to understand.
    I want to support you, even though I don’t truly empathize.

    I want to hug and comfort you most of all, even though all I’m technically doing is typing…


    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 9:08am

  26. 26: AnnieNo Gravatar says:

    Receiving Girl,

    “There is no more free ride.!

    I feel triggered by this.

    Do you really believe that a woman who stays at home with her children and doesn’t work is having a free ride?

    It’s ok if you do believe that as I know a lot of people do. I don’t share that belief though and believe it is a false belief/ perception personally as it is judgmental.

    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 9:25am

  27. 27: LuzydelNo Gravatar says:

    “Dw” answer to my ‘speech’? …”i hear ya!!!”

    So, i am moving on…he doesn’t want to get closer, he doesn’t feel it and I am feeling do bored with this…

    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 9:35am

  28. 28: SassyNo Gravatar says:

    FW, #8

    Yes, I do remember my comment and I stand by it. I admit, I have been in these shoes (JT). He is the king of telling the truth, but I told myself over and over that he just didn’t realize he loved me…hah!!!! He’s incapable of loving someone on a long term basis. (Belle, talk about a bad boy…).

    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 9:37am

  29. 29: AnnieNo Gravatar says:

    I totally feel in agreement with everything Rori has said here and it makes complete sense.

    I am having a hard time today.
    I feel exhausted and need some daylight and decent food.

    This feels so ironic.
    A paradox.

    I can’t get my head round the.
    Husband with whom I am separated says he love me and wants to make it work wants another chance, doesn’t want to get divorced. is not in love with me anymore but believes if I give him a chance with fall in love with me again and doesn’t want me to cd.

    And another man, says he loves me and is in love with me. Will love me forever. One minute says he wants to be married to me in the future and get to a place in in his life where that is possible but doesn’t step up with actions to prove those words.


    Any thoughts.

    It’s so much easier to see the what is in the best interest for others than ourselves as our emotions are not fully involved.

    Also My emotions run me when I am tired and spiral out of control..

    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 9:56am

  30. 30: AnnieNo Gravatar says:

    tears Belle Ty for bearing you soul. XXXX

    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 10:01am

  31. 31: AnnieNo Gravatar says:

    5: Femininewomansays:

    “I never, ever, would encourage any woman to “keep up a friendship” with a man she’s in love with.

    Rori, profound profound profound insights.”

    And the question that arises is can we really be in love with man who isn’t in love with us?
    I now don’t believe we can. we are addicted to pain and believe that is love.
    It’s not.

    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 10:04am

  32. 32: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Lama – I think you leaned forward asking him how he’s doing, and when he was locking eyes w u he was flirting w u. I think it would clear the way for him to step up if u just kinda ignore him and just smile at him when you see he’s looking at you , and then only respond when he talks to you first.

    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 10:05am

  33. 33: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    (((Belle))) I hear you

    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 10:06am

  34. 34: ReceivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    @26 Annie

    No, I don’t believe that. I feel women should stay home with their kids because I think it’s healthier for the kids.

    I do believe, however, that overspending without caring or thinking about it because you know your mother-in-law will bail you out, is a free ride and taking advantage.

    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 10:09am

  35. 35: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Annie – keep CDing at least 3! Give husband a chance but stick ti ur guns about CDing. Tell him you want a ffling wonderful relationship and are open to wherever that may come from.

    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 10:09am

  36. 36: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    @32 Daria – Thanks, Daria! I love this advice. Feels empowering, yum!

    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 10:09am

  37. 37: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    And now feeling sad that I gave out thoughts – brilliant of course – rather than staying w me and my feelings and investigating my triggers from where those thoughts would be generate. (((((Daria)))))

    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 10:12am

  38. 38: ReceivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    @29 Annie

    I feel confused, if hubby isn’t feeling love, what are his reasons for wanting to stop the divorce?

    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 10:15am

  39. 39: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Lama – yay! I feel kinda relieved you like it!

    Also I would really be very vigilant to position myself leaning back body language whenever he engaged me. This is cuz I notice w some guys I like, I get kinda anxious and lean forward physically if I’m not being consustently aware.

    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 10:16am

  40. 40: AnnieNo Gravatar says:

    Receiving says:

    “@26 Annie

    No, I don’t believe that. I feel women should stay home with their kids because I think it’s healthier for the kids.

    I do believe, however, that overspending without caring or thinking about it because you know your mother-in-law will bail you out, is a free ride and taking advantage.”

    Ty Receiving girl now I understand where you are coming from. Thanks for clarifying.

    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 10:16am

  41. 41: ReceivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    I do feel judgmental.

    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 10:17am

  42. 42: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    I feel excited to have tha Calle Zorro website as a resource for men. I want his ebooks! His advice is a male complement of Rori to me, and it comes off kinda Michigan and manly which feels thrilling to me, rather than wimpy and bland.

    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 10:18am

  43. 43: AnnieNo Gravatar says:

    35: Daria says:

    “Annie – keep CDing at least 3! Give husband a chance but stick ti ur guns about CDing. Tell him you want a ffling wonderful relationship and are open to wherever that may come from.”

    Thanks Daria. Part of me wants to and part of me wants him nowhere near me ever again and to just move on.
    I believe I am still in transition and its the old part that wants to give him a chance. And the new wants to never see him again ever.

    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 10:21am

  44. 44: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Vi – I feel so curious! What is the link to Brad Yates and his daughter’s vid?

    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 10:22am

  45. 45: forest sirenNo Gravatar says:

    That’s how I feel too giving advice and suggestions now I feel emptier not good. I feel more myself when I am staying with my feelings.

    Ugh this morning I totally leaned forward. A man friend cd was being attacked verbally and criticized and I got in there and defended him. I love my feisty ness but it’s not the power structure I want anymore.

    Lionman is taking the oars up all over the place organizing a little road trip for us – good and involving himself in something I am doing – not so good. In fact I may have to talk to him and say no ugh I don’t want to hurt his feelings but we are not together and I would only want him at said event as my fiancée no more quasi boyfriend girlfriend situation for me. I would love some help with that speech please.

    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 10:22am

  46. 46: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Annie – well… I feel resistant to that … Lol!

    good thing is we don’t have to figure it put in our head or make a decision. Just CDing will help everything get very clear and healed over time…

    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 10:24am

  47. 47: AnnieNo Gravatar says:

    41: Receiving Girl says:

    “I do feel judgmental.”

    I would love to explore this more with Rori Dominique and others as surely we all feel like this.
    And isn’t calling someone toxic and bad for us judgmental?

    It doesn’t seem possible to always stay out of judgment. How do we not judge a Man who has raped a woman. Or child molesters etc.

    I don’t fully understand the forgiving stuff.
    How do you forgive someone if you really were a victim in a helpless situation.
    How do you not judge them.
    I feel confused about this.

    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 10:27am

  48. 48: AnnieNo Gravatar says:

    46: Daria says:

    “Annie – well… I feel resistant to that … Lol!

    good thing is we don’t have to figure it put in our head or make a decision. Just CDing will help everything get very clear and healed over time…”

    Ty Daria.

    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 10:28am

  49. 49: AnnieNo Gravatar says:

    38: ReceivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    “@29 Annie

    I feel confused, if hubby isn’t feeling love, what are his reasons for wanting to stop the divorce?”

    He says he still loves me, can see the mistakes he made but isn’t in love with me anymore but believes if I give him a chance he will get those in love feelings back. He wants to physically spend time and get close again and believes if he does he will feel in love again. Says he love me still and cares about me.

    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 10:32am

  50. 50: ReceivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    @47 Annie

    Me too. I don’t think it’s possible to not be judgmental 100% of the time. Everyone is responsible for their own actions. When someone does something not nice, terrible, vicious, vindictive, I can’t help myself but to feel judgment and dislike their behavior.

    I think if we didn’t have judgments, this world would be a very scary place because no one would have a sense of right or wrong.

    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 10:32am

  51. 51: AnnieNo Gravatar says:

    my last post in moderation in reply to receiving girl. Not sure why as no swearing or anything.

    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 10:34am

  52. 52: ReceivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    My comment went into moderation…hmmm, not sure why. Let’s try this.

    @47 Annie

    Me too. I don’t think it’s possible to not be judgmental 100% of the time. Everyone is responsible for their own actions. When someone does something not nice, terrible, vic-ious, vind-ictive, I can’t help myself but to feel judgment and dislike their behavior.

    I think if we didn’t have judgments, this world would be a very scary place because no one would have a sense of right or wrong.

    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 10:34am

  53. 53: AnnieNo Gravatar says:

    has appeared now.

    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 10:34am

  54. 54: AnnieNo Gravatar says:

    oh now still not appeared?

    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 10:35am

  55. 55: ReceivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    @50 Annie

    Okay. Sorry I don’t know any background…what started the divorce and was it him or you that filed?

    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 10:36am

  56. 56: AnnieNo Gravatar says:

    “I think if we didn’t have judgments, this world would be a very scary place because no one would have a sense of right or wrong.”

    That feels interesting to explore that.

    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 10:36am

  57. 57: AnnieNo Gravatar says:

    50: AnnieNo Gravatar says:

    38: ReceivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    “@29 Annie

    I feel confused, if hubby isn’t feeling love, what are his reasons for wanting to stop the divorce?”

    He says he still loves me, can see the mistakes he made but isn’t in love with me anymore but believes if I give him a chance he will get those in love feelings back. He wants to physically spend time and get close again and believes if he does he will feel in love again. Says he love me still and cares about me.

    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 10:37am

  58. 58: AnnieNo Gravatar says:

    Got to go now Receiving girl so am not ignoring and will happily answer later.

    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 10:40am

  59. 59: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    RE 29 Annie that’s the reason why I stay on my bridge and refuse to get dragged off. Men will say stuff, anything. Do anything to get what they want. Too much energy to try and figure them out. Let them decide how and if they want to stick around.

    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 10:57am

  60. 60: Memulo says:

    Annie, I think a lot depends on the attitude in terms of staying at home and taking care if children.. and yourself. SmartCD’s ex stays at home for years and years and now that she has a small child she demands a lot of money for a nanny, though she doesn’t let him to have a baby-sitter for the days the child is with him.

    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 10:59am

  61. 61: Memulo says:

    I still feel weird about not being invited for tosh hashana, though don’t want to impose myself on him.

    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 11:01am

  62. 62: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Ouch… Not in love with him yet, but could fall for him. I know it. I need to rethink my situation. He called and asked to join us at the amusement park with his kids. They’ll be here soon. I feel confused now. :( maybe I’m putting myself in a bad placE here.

    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 11:09am

  63. 63: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    I’m not trying to make him love me, but I do feel more than friendship. Crap. No other good CDs are popping up either. I need to get on that immediately.

    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 11:11am

  64. 64: Goddess LilyNo Gravatar says:

    Other than online dating, where should I go to meet more CDs? And is being out and hoping to meet someone not leaning forward? I’m afraid through the LOA that I will attract more men that I should otherwise avoid.

    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 11:16am

  65. 65: Memulo says:

    Yes Turqouise, while he has no responsibilities because he told you he wants friendship only, even if he is not acting like it, and you accepted.

    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 11:25am

  66. 66: SassyNo Gravatar says:

    FW, 59
    “Men will say stuff, anything. Do anything to get what they want”

    Thank you thank you thank you!!! I had that all typed out before in a long response to Belle, but erased it because I felt scared that it would cause conflict here. I truly believe this, especially when they KNOW our feelings are stronger than theirs. I’ve been the recipient of this way too much.
    Not gonna happen again! I will no longer compromise

    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 11:41am

  67. 67: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    What responsibilities should he have Memulo? I thought we were responsible for ourselves?

    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 11:41am

  68. 68: SassyNo Gravatar says:

    You can’t make anyone feel anything

    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 11:43am

  69. 69: Memulo says:

    Yes Turquoise, if he decides to be extra cute or feels romantic for a day it will be your responsibility to fall or not to fall for it. Not trying to spoil your day! Just feels unfair to me

    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 12:26pm

  70. 70: DariaNo Gravatar says:


    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 12:30pm

  71. 71: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    I feel excited for all of us beings ‘getting it’ and seeing all aggressiveness as an acting out from fear and pain And we can turn on our magic compassion And step asides, ouch sigh, and offer healing and love yum

    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 12:32pm

  72. 72: ReceivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    Suicide is so sad…he always seemed like the life of the party and happy…never would have expected him to take his life.

    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 12:33pm

  73. 73: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    To me first ! To my fear and tremblyness and sadness !

    I want to feel safe – ie at peace!

    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 12:33pm

  74. 74: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Can I do it!

    Yes u can!

    Feeling up riding on the crest of the wave

    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 12:35pm

  75. 75: Memulo says:

    Wow RG, what happened??

    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 12:42pm

  76. 76: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks FW! Feel nice to hear your kind words.
    I shall repost.

    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 12:47pm

  77. 77: ReceivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    Memulo, I knew him, not very well, but we have the same friends and he lives in my neighborhood. He was at some of my parties. I just saw him the other day and he seemed good. He was really nice and a lot of fun, always had a big smile and an infectious laugh. He committed suicide last night. Our friend found him. It’s so sad. He was one year younger than me. He was my friend’s bestie.

    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 12:47pm

  78. 78: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    Oh I’m feeling on top of the world!!!

    How lovely it is to receive! I totally leant back with my body language but kept myself and my heart open.

    I didn’t get too far with my no sex script… He finished it off. I said ‘ I feel totally turned on right now, but I don’t want to have sex…. pause

    He replied ‘until were married?’

    I said, I want to be in a committed relationship first…

    He totally respected this. My boundaries and my vibe felt so strong.

    We mostly just breathed each other in. I felt like he was playing a thousand love songs for me.

    I shared so many feelings, let myself be totally vulnerable with him.

    We lay on the living room floor, he lay my head on his arm, twirled my hair. Stroked my face, he said, wow, I’ve never felt like this before… What’ve you done to me. He asked if I thought we would work it out… I said it felt nice to spend time together, it feels good to enjoy the moment. I told him how great it felt to receive his emails, but that it would feel nice to also hear his voice. I told him how nice it felt remembering when we used to meet for drinks and take evening walks. I was clear that I did not want to just email.

    He has gone now, he borrowed a car to come see me.

    I feel like Rori described today in the Flypaper tool

    ‘Pave it over with rose petals, and fairy dust, and gold dust, and soft sand from exotic beaches. Make it soft.

    Make it so a man’s footprints can be felt, and yet he can fly away and the breeze will blow more gold and fairy dust and soft sand to leave a fresh place for another man – or 100 men! – to leave more footprints…

    And… perhaps stay awhile. Or forever.’

    I feel totally on my horse riding on! I enjoyed the moment. I was vunerable and honest with my feelings and what I want.

    Aw he was so smitten with me. He’s so going to have to have a freezing cold shower when he gets back.

    It felt great saying no tonight to having sex. Even though he never asked or pushed for it.

    Saying no to sex felt attractive.

    We laughed lots, it felt fun and flirty.

    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 12:49pm

  79. 79: ReceivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    It just shows you never know what people are feeling or thinking on the inside. They could be wearing a mask to cover it all up.

    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 12:50pm

  80. 80: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    And all the pining, longingly feelings I use to have after he left have gone…

    I’ve paved over my fly trap with my glittering heart 

    Now I’m snuggled up watching a film, looking forward to my busy day tomorrow.

    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 12:50pm

  81. 81: Memulo says:

    I’m still thinking how to come up with FMs about it. When I hear from him to ask if we are spending holiday evening together? And then to say that I feel left out? That I don’t really understand why we are not celebrating together. That I don’t want to be his secret.. I want my guy to be proud if me and show mr off. if he is not sure he is ready to introduce me to his friends I understand. That I have feelings for him but I want to find a real relationship.. so I will keep looking, he can’t have me all for himself.

    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 12:51pm

  82. 82: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    Memulo, we had a special day on Friday learning all about it. I teach 5 year olds. We had apples dipped in honey 

    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 12:52pm

  83. 83: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    (((receiving girl)))

    Sending so much love your way and to your friend. My friend lost her boyfriend to suicide last year so I totally resonate with how this feels. I feel all crumbly remembering how sad it felt.

    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 12:54pm

  84. 84: ReceivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    @81 Memulo

    I did that with BoatGuy and it didn’t go over very well. He said, I wasn’t happy and we should go our own ways. After that, he did talk to one of our friends about me and that was the first time. It didn’t last much more than a month after that. I realized, it wasn’t him, but me, I was accepting less than what I wanted and I was allowing myself to be a secret. Don’t get me wrong, he does have his own issues, but I was letting him keep me as a secret. I wanted more and I deserved more. In walked Mr. Observant to help me see that clearly when he asked me, “what do YOU want?”

    Memulo, what do you want? How about if you really get deep into yourself and write down what you really want from a relationship and compare it to what you are getting…how does that feel?

    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 1:00pm

  85. 85: Memulo says:

    Smile, how sweet;)

    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 1:02pm

  86. 86: ReceivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    (((Smile))) Thank you. I feel all teary about it. I know my friends are feeling lots of sadness & pain. And probably feeling like they failed him since they didn’t do something to prevent it. I know that would be going through my head. Ya know, all the what if’s…

    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 1:04pm

  87. 87: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    RE 81 Memulo what is the point of telling him that when you are the one giving away all of yourself to him?

    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 1:05pm

  88. 88: Memulo says:


    So sorry for what happened..

    About my relationship – I do trust him. I feel that he is coming around more and more. I feel that he cares about me, that we are close and getting closer. So I feel unsure whether it’s the right step to push him, to insist. On the other hand it doesn’t quite feels right and I’d feel bad if I make him do it before he is ready. But if I accept crumbs it won’t do me any good either:)

    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 1:09pm

  89. 89: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    My heart felt lit up hearing him say ‘your beautiful’ 

    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 1:12pm

  90. 90: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Memulo I believe it is your guy he won’t offer you crumbs. You would be too valuable to him. If he cares about you he will not offer crumbs. Pushing a man or insisting will only result in resistance and resentment. A man in love needs no push. He might be clueless but not possible to be that clueless.

    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 1:13pm

  91. 91: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Smile he’s beginning to see your heart.

    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 1:14pm

  92. 92: ReceivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you, Memulo.

    I wouldn’t push him. It won’t work if you push him. But, if you feel you are accepting crumbs, then maybe you need to take a step back. What are the things that make you feel that way?

    I’ve been reading the love languages book and I do think there is something to that. Is quality time your love language? I think it is mine, although, I don’t have just one. I think Mr. Observant’s is words of affirmation. He is constantly complimenting me and saying nice things to me. When I do that to him, it warms his heart and he thanks me over and over.

    What do you think SmartCDs love language is?

    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 1:17pm

  93. 93: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    Feminiewoman, I can feel happy tears welling up in my eyes.

    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 1:17pm

  94. 94: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Dominique says:

    Maggie – You can’t control him, what he thinks, how he feels. If he’s stuck in the past, all you can do is take care of you, pulls your focus off of him and place it squarely back on you. You need to fill your life up apart from him, hobbies, things which fill you up and turn you on, friends and family who make you feel good.

    And you work on you, your healing, letting go of your anxieties and things which get in your way, keep you from growing into tan open hearted, vulnerable, goddess woman who is at ease in her body and in her mind. A woman who feels love for herself and won’t accept crumbs.

    This may or may not encourage him to step up, but you don’t want to sit around waiting for him. You don’t want to expect anything.

    You know how he feels by his actions.


    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 1:19pm

  95. 95: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    Receiving girl, my friend still has no idea why her boyfriend did it. It feels like there will always be a million unanswered questions. She had no idea of his pain.
    This will be a tough and emotional time. My heart goes out to you.

    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 1:20pm

  96. 96: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    If he truly is SmartCD he knows how to win a woman’s heart and will figure out what to do.

    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 1:20pm

  97. 97: ReceivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    Smile, that is so sad. It must be terrible to go through for your friend. Death is always tough. My grandma had a lot of guilt when my grandpa died. She kept thinking she didn’t do something right that would have prevented it. Other people may have know if this friend had troubles, but I certainly didn’t. I thought he was living a very happy life.

    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 1:24pm

  98. 98: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Flirting is definitely a skill that every woman should have. When you set your sights on a good looking guy you’ve got to know how to do a little flirting to let him know you are interested. Knowing how to flirt with a guy that you’re interested in will save you from possibly losing out on a potentially great relationship. Here are some useful flirting tips which you can use yourself..

    1) ~ Wear Something That Makes You Feel Good

    Flirting is about attitude. You want to make sure you feel great about yourself so wear something that makes you feel fun and sexy. You’ve got to feel “comfortable” in it too! When trying to make a guy fall in love with you, you don’t want to go outside of your comfort zone, as you will just end up feeling self conscious the whole time.

    2) ~ Be Yourself

    Relax and a smile and joke around. Uptight energy is awful to be around so you don’t want to be giving any of that off. Don’t worry about how you look or being perfect. It will only make you awkward and weird.

    3) ~ Touch Him First

    It is a little easier for a girl to get away with lightly touching a guy first rather than the other way around. You could lightly rub up against him or touch his arm lightly while talking. It doesn’t have to be a big deal. Adjusting a piece of his clothing is another subtle way to cross over this touching barrier. Just don’t wait for him to make the first move here.

    4) ~ Sincere compliments.

    Everyone loves to get a compliment especially the guy that you are showing attention to. Just make sure when you compliment him that it is sincere or he will see right through you.

    5) ~ Be confident and positive.

    Don’t cross your arms in front of your body. This is a real disconnect. Make sure you face him while talking and lean toward him a little. Making eye contact and smiling will go a long way in making him and you feel comfortable.

    When you know how to flirt with a guy you can have a lot of fun and enjoy the process of meeting men rather than be intimidated by it. Most of it starts with you and feeling good about yourself and who you are. Men are attracted to confidence. It is not all about being the most physically attractive person
    out there.

    Now that you are knowledgeable about some key tips on how to flirt with a guy, go out there and have some fun! The whole experience should be exciting, fun and intriguing – don’t let the little things get in the way and focus on getting to know
    the guy and evaluating if he’s a great fit for you and your lifestyle. Who knows? He could be the one!

    I hope this has helped! :)

    Talk to you soon,

    Lisa Harris

    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 1:29pm

  99. 99: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:

    Sirens, I am in shock and starting to see M in a whole different way. Somehow today during a conversation about nothing perticular, he mentionned that in 2008 for about 6 months he rented a chalet up north where he went to stay by himself. While married. While his youngest child was not even 1 and the others 3 and 7. Why? To do his thesis.

    I remember now reading in the divorce court psychologist report how his wife mentions having suffered for years because of his pulling away and pushing her away repetitively.

    What do you all think? Would you have tolerated this? Do you think the tools can help this? Or is this a pattern that is here to stay and part of who he is?

    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 1:33pm

  100. 100: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    Siren angel, I don’t feel triggered by this? I see it as a man seeking his space to work quietly, especially with young children around.aybe he didn’t have a connected relationship with his ex?

    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 1:36pm

  101. 101: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    Receiving girl, a year on she still finds it difficult although the pain is easing.

    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 1:38pm

  102. 102: Goddess LilyNo Gravatar says:

    Siren Angel,

    I feel a little off about that. I understand that his thesis should be important but I would also think he responsibilities to his children should also be a priority. I just dont know about that.

    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 1:47pm

  103. 103: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    Siren angel, did he not see them at all during this time?

    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 1:48pm

  104. 104: SassyNo Gravatar says:

    Forgiveness is about you, it’s not about the person you feel needs your forgiveness.

    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 1:51pm

  105. 105: SassyNo Gravatar says:


    Is is possible to just take one day at a time with Mr C?
    Don’t worry if you are falling in love with him, don’t worry if it will develop from friendship to something more from him.
    Just enjoy each other and the kids.

    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 1:53pm

  106. 106: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:

    Smile, The wife and kids would go spend fhe weekends there.
    But still, I would not have liked that one bit.
    Leaving me alone with our small kids. No way.

    Plus the report and our breakups. I am starting to really wonder if this is worth my time at all.

    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 1:58pm

  107. 107: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:

    He is definety a hot and cold man.
    Would I even want to be married to that?

    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 2:00pm

  108. 108: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    Annie – 47 – Maybe this will help.


    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 2:04pm

  109. 109: StarbrightNo Gravatar says:


    Did you resolve your computer issues?

    I hope so!!!


    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 2:08pm

  110. 110: AnnieNo Gravatar says:

    ty 66: Femininewoman and sassy/

    FW, 59
    “Men will say stuff, anything. Do anything to get what they want”

    Thank you thank you thank you!!! I had that all typed out before in a long response to Belle, but erased it because I felt scared that it would cause conflict here. I truly believe this, especially when they KNOW our feelings are stronger than theirs. I’ve been the recipient of this way too much.
    Not gonna happen again! I will no longer compromise”

    That’s it I feel I am being pulled off my bridge, pulled backwards. Coerced., manipulated, it does not feel good,

    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 2:16pm

  111. 111: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Fudge, this day is not going well, at all. He’s in a bad mood, kids seem tired, baby is cranky. Wtf to do now. I think he’s going home. I’m staying if my girls want to. I feel the urge to just ride rides, let the wind flow in my hair, eat junk food… And be with my kids.

    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 2:20pm

  112. 112: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:

    (((Turquoise))) it seems to just be one of those days…

    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 2:22pm

  113. 113: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    No Starbright, not really.

    I still can’t view videos posed on FB unless youtubes links, and I can’t view my own video on my site, nor can I listen to pandora plus cannot upload photos to google +

    My thoughts are that the necessary adobe update is nor totally compatible with my operating system, i.e windows is looking to make more money, like they need more. I will likely have to get a new computer, sigh, or upgrade to windows 7. another sigh.


    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 2:23pm

  114. 114: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Siren Angel – whoa! feels scary

    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 2:27pm

  115. 115: AnnieNo Gravatar says:

    Receiving girl, feel sad to hear your news, how very sad. :(

    55: Receiving says:

    “@50 Annie

    Okay. Sorry I don’t know any background…what started the divorce and was it him or you that filed?”

    I was the one who said I wanted a divorce after feeling unsupported re children boundaries and safety.
    And not getting the kind of marriage and family life I wanted. constantly psychologically shut down and abused.
    Just slowly started to wake up and become more aware and realized I was reliving my abusive family life.
    Total dysfunction and unhealthy family life and relationship. Guess I believed.
    I didn’t deserve anything better. I don’t believe that any more. I woke up and became more and more recconcted to my soul. Still get dragged back now and again though :(

    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 2:28pm

  116. 116: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    hmm actually my dad went to China on a business trip for like 6 months maybe? when i was under 1…


    they worked for the same company and they had to do whatever asked, i believe, hmm

    feeling curious and kinda still schoked and tight

    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 2:28pm

  117. 117: SassyNo Gravatar says:


    ??? How, why does that post make you feel that way?

    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 2:28pm

  118. 118: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Smile I just read all your story with strummingman. I feel inspired and so happy for you!!

    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 2:33pm

  119. 119: AnnieNo Gravatar says:

    99: Siren Angel says:

    “Sirens, I am in shock and starting to see M in a whole different way. Somehow today during a conversation about nothing perticular, he mentionned that in 2008 for about 6 months he rented a chalet up north where he went to stay by himself. While married. While his youngest child was not even 1 and the others 3 and 7. Why? To do his thesis.

    I remember now reading in the divorce court psychologist report how his wife mentions having suffered for years because of his pulling away and pushing her away repetitively.

    What do you all think? Would you have tolerated this? Do you think the tools can help this? Or is this a pattern that is here to stay and part of who he is?”

    Hugs, I would have been heartbroken and felt abandoned if my hubby had left me alone for six months with three children to look after.
    They are his children too.
    I would have found that very difficult to cope with.
    I have had similar psychological abuse and tolerated it. I will not ever tolerate that again. When I asked for support and help got told to get on with it other woman manage. I then felt inadequate, I honestly do not know how I didn’t have a nervous breakdown.

    If this is what he does and is part of his character, it is what it is.
    Have you attracted anything similar in the past?
    What about your ex’s or your parents?

    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 2:34pm

  120. 120: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    Hi tam, glad I saw your post, just about to go to bed.
    Hope you had a good evening.

    It felt easier tonight to speak my truth and be vulnerable. Putting my needs and wants out there actually feels empowering like it attracted him more…,

    Well Rori said to be surprised…

    I feel strong.

    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 2:51pm

  121. 121: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    I can still ‘feel’ his affection. Yum.

    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 2:52pm

  122. 122: AnnieNo Gravatar says:

    Ty Dominique.

    I just don’t know how not to judge a rapist or child molester.
    I don’t want to have empathy and see it from their point of view.
    Anyone else than yes.
    Even mothers who kill themselves and disabled children.
    people who help their loved ones die if they are terminally ill.
    Drug addicts. prostitutes I do not judge.
    But rapists and child molesters I judge, even if they have other good qualities. or ‘their reasons’.
    I do not feel compassion for them no.

    I judge them to be character disorder and lacking in remorse. They have something missing.

    I do not judge their families and feel empathy and compassion for them.

    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 2:58pm

  123. 123: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:

    Forest Siren @45,

    “Lionman is taking the oars up all over the place organizing a little road trip for us – good and involving himself in something I am doing – not so good. In fact I may have to talk to him and say no ugh I don’t want to hurt his feelings but we are not together and I would only want him at said event as my fiancée no more quasi boyfriend girlfriend situation for me. I would love some help with that speech please.”

    CC has a speech about exactly this, I believe it was when Rori was interviewing him, and it makes the man value you more.

    It goes something like ” I would love to go away with you, but this is something I save for a man I am in a relationship with” It makes the man have something in the future to look forward too and to step up because you just took more value in his eyes.


    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 3:00pm

  124. 124: AnnieNo Gravatar says:

    Sassy I mean’t when men do this. Say all the words thet know we want to hear but then don’t deliver with their actions.

    That;s it Ty for reminding me. Stay on my bridge, stop listening, smile lean back and watch. :)

    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 3:01pm

  125. 125: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    Hmm RG,

    I believe his love language is to take care of me. To take me to places that I would love, to teach me things, to explain, to get me things that I may need.

    Then if he is not spending any time with me on a holiday weekend and I say nothing about it, you suggest that I just go date other men and not say anything and see where it takes me?

    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 3:02pm

  126. 126: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:


    I am feeling deep compassion right now for his soon to be ex-wife.

    No, I have not attracted this in at least 12 years. But I used to attract it when I was in my 20s and early 30s.

    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 3:02pm

  127. 127: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:

    Forest Siren,

    You can also say “It is something I save for a man I am exclusive with” if that is what you feel more adapted.

    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 3:04pm

  128. 128: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:

    (((Annie))) I am sorry you went through similar pain and suffering than M’s ex-wife.

    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 3:05pm

  129. 129: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:

    Memulo @125,

    What about Cding yourself or some friends? It would lift your vibe and basically make you feel good. Or at least go see a movie, go for a run or a swim, take care of you and try to see this as time for you to rejuvenate.

    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 3:07pm

  130. 130: AnnieNo Gravatar says:

    I have learned no Siren, if we feel abandoned it is because we are abandoning ourselves and our needs. So if we want a partner who is there for us and our children helping daily and not going off for six months expecting us to parent our children alone then we must express this and say it’s a deal-breaker

    He then gets to choose. Does he want to be there with his wife and family and support and help or go off and do his own thing.
    He doesn’t deserve his wife and children if he abandons them in this way.

    He would have to prove to me with his actions that he wouldn’t do this to his children again otherwise the only way I would let him have contact would be through mediation very slowly so he built a bonded relationship with them if he was capable.

    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 3:10pm

  131. 131: SenaraNo Gravatar says:

    Oh wow, I’ve tried that once, make someone love me. Bad mistake!!! All I remember is that when it ended, I felt like my insides were being ripped out and left out to dry. Fortunately, I had projects to take care of and that kept me busy and even though I was bleeding my heart out, no one ever guessed a thing. I was strong outside but crumbling inside…

    I don’t wish that on anyone. No.

    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 3:20pm

  132. 132: SenaraNo Gravatar says:

    Siren Angel,

    I’m curious, I’d like to know how you feel about the whole situation? Sad, mad, triggered, disappointed?

    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 3:23pm

  133. 133: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    SA #125,

    Yes, I know. I just realized that he will probably not contact me at all this weekend and re-appears once it is over.

    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 3:23pm

  134. 134: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Smile, also about to go to bed.
    My friend, a psychologist, very much agreed with this post. She also told me to take MrP at face value, if he said ‘fwb’ or ‘friends’ to me before, she said he will assume by me agreeing to see him, that I am ok with that.
    Well, I am not.
    So I am just thinking whether to address this while still here or when I see him. I’d like to deliver my speech now, so he and I both know where I stand.
    If he really wants me then, he can step up – and if he doesn’t, I know and am kinda free and will draw a line.

    Off to bed now and work tomorrow, catch up with ya after

    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 3:25pm

  135. 135: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Ouch world I feel disappointed again

    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 3:48pm

  136. 136: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    I don’t feel like going out alone.. tired from the workout and didn’t make any arrangements.

    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 3:56pm

  137. 137: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    I feel like a boring semi-girlfriend who he wants to keep but at the same time to fool to buy himself some free time.

    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 3:59pm

  138. 138: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    He did treat me really well on thursday, he was extremely caring and helped me pick my bday gift and we had so much fun.

    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 4:02pm

  139. 139: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Baby has a really bad rash, got worse as the day progressed. He lft to take her to the dr. Babies mom said it was nothing, but looked bad to me. It’s really hard to be in a good mood with a sick baby… So not holding that against him. We are having fun, enjoying the last few hours of the park and then heading home. Thanks for the advice today!

    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 4:04pm

  140. 140: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Regarding judgement – reading 4 agreements felt very soothing and empowering for me with that

    It feels healing to believe people acting out violently are in pain and no one is ever at fault. Beings play out traumas that they’ve received over and over, in different roles, until there is compassion boundaries and healing.

    I feel all defeated when something reminds me ‘the world isn’t healed yet, the world isn’t safe yet’


    First, I learn non judgement so I can stop fighting and creating the same violent energy I am thinking I’m fighting against.

    So if I’m pushing here, I’m gona get a push back.

    So accept it and I have compassion. I know and remember how many walls I had up

    Then now to take my DNA change to all parts of me, when they show up


    I want to ring my bell.

    My bell wakes up everyone.




    A bear killed a human

    Is it possible to kill when I choose when I die


    I can eliminate the word kill and my life will get easier and safer now


    You are wise sage Daria

    I’ve been waiting for that.

    I feel relieved.

    So my brother died. And my other brother died and my other brother and my other brother and my other brother.

    They died.

    They chose to.

    So now what a lovely task, to translate the word kill into my own consciousness

    I feel scared to, will I be lonely ?



    I see me.

    You’re never alone D, I’m here wit ya.

    But you’re not fly enough. You won’t make me cool.

    I hear you. I am fly. You are fly. We are cool.

    Belief shifting.

    Remember, w healing u never lose. So if anything well get more friends, and more fame. See wat happened w men. Now we get a lotta them.

    Ok . I trust you .

    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 4:04pm

  141. 141: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    I actually never was in this situation before. All men I ever went out with tried to spend as much time with me as possible. And not to play me.

    He is in a very tough situation and I really feel for him, and he reminded me of it in the last text exchange that we had on Friday. Don’t know, maybe if I was less accepting after the last weekend when he stood me up I wouldn’t be alone this weekend lol.

    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 4:12pm

  142. 142: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Wow thinking how much less rage I feel when I won’t be always reading of who killed who in the world.

    That is some huge shit!

    And , my thought was, people will try to kill u! But they can’t lol! It doesn’t work that way anymore.

    So that will make me very less scared ah.

    The benefits of these are gona show up lovely and huge.

    I feel testy, I’ve done it, I’m gobs embody the healing I was looking for the solution for all the ‘killing’ I felt upset about.

    Tears rolling

    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 4:14pm

  143. 143: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Memulo in his mind he might be just dating

    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 4:16pm

  144. 144: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:

    What I feel is scared. I don’t want that to happen to me in a few years.

    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 4:21pm

  145. 145: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Siren Angel I would not judge him as a selfish man or neglectful father. Pulling aways seems to be a pattern in his life. Maybe his rhythmic life slow. Would you be comfortable accepting him as is? Likely he would not change for you or any other woman. But some women would be okay with his pattern. It might be something he needs to feel whole in himself. His pair bonding hormone level could be low.

    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 4:21pm

  146. 146: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    FW, maybe, though I don’t really understand what it means and I feel that he really tries to please me, at least while we are communicating.

    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 4:22pm

  147. 147: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    well, today he had another 9 hours of watched visitation with the child.

    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 4:24pm

  148. 148: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    9 hours with the stranger hanging out there, listening to their conversations and taking notes. I don’t know how he takes it, I don’t now if I’d be strong enough to go through this every other day.

    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 4:27pm

  149. 149: BelleNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you thank you thank you all for the hugs.

    I’m feeling MUCH better now. I spent a few hours with my girlfriends and am seeing things in a more positive light. I have a friend who I think of as being “relentlessly positive”, she is one of the most joyful people I have ever met – she asked me a bunch of questions in a way that showed me, I didn’t *have* to still be hurting over all of that, I could let go of the guilt and see myself in a way that I could be proud of myself.

    I feel a little heavy overall because I just ate but my heart feels much lighter :)

    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 4:29pm

  150. 150: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Memulo reading this last comment and honestly it feels pathetic. It seems so hyperfocussed on the man like you are sitting there counting the minutes he is spending with his child. As if you have nothing better to do.

    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 4:31pm

  151. 151: forest sirenNo Gravatar says:

    Siren angel thanks for responding to me even when you have other stuff on your mind. Good scripts thanks but seems so weird after all this time to have to say them but we are not together and FW I hear what you say unless I reiterate them he will think I’m ok with things as they are. It’s actually an event not an overnight thing and I don’t want him involved unless we are committed otherwise I’m closing my options off for other men if he is there.

    Siren angel as for your situation I don’t know that sounds horrible I wouldn’t want my husband leaving me with three smallies however it depends on how he did it. If he was like I’m doing this for us I miss the family I live for the weekends and being with you all then maybe. But if he was angry about it and shut down and distancing it would feel like a repeating breakup. As FW says it maybe that set a pattern for not too much closeness but might also explain feeling overwhelmed with the kids.

    Did you ever start that parenting course?

    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 4:45pm

  152. 152: forest sirenNo Gravatar says:

    Memulo I’d love to know more about you. What are our hobbies and interests? I’ve been reading your comments for a long time and I struggle with getting a sense of you. I know more about smart CD than you! Doyou feel like sharing yourself with us? I know you like cooking I think? What style do you like to cook best? I’m pretty much vegetarian so I like organic veggies best. I would love to have my own vegetable garden.

    Wht happened with your living situation? Did it resolve? Are you less worried about it?

    Also forgive me if I offend but I’ve also noticed you use lol a lot after you have said something you found hurtful and that triggers me like you are minimizing your hurt.

    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 4:50pm

  153. 153: forest sirenNo Gravatar says:

    Smile your evening sounded so romantic! I saw a couple holding hands today and I felt so happy for them and like that’s showing up cos its coming for me soon!

    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 4:57pm

  154. 154: SassyNo Gravatar says:

    Always remember two things:

    There are two sides to every story
    No one knows what goes on behind closed doors

    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 4:59pm

  155. 155: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    FW #150,

    Really, feels pathetic? Yes, I sometimes look at my watch and count hours of how much more of this torture he has to go through. I feel panicking and get tears in my eyes only imagining it. I almost feel like my own basic rights are taken away from me. Experiencing it as pathetic feels very surprising to me.

    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 5:05pm

  156. 156: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    Forest Siren,

    Thank you for asking. Yes, I like to cook and not sure I have any favorite dishes, I’d try to cook anything that sounds yummy:) I don’t follow any food restrictions. I like to dance, to swim, I feel passionate about art and theater. How about you?

    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 5:17pm

  157. 157: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    FW, I want to make sure to let you know that I don’t feel upset or anything like that about your comment, I feel surprised you experience it this way.

    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 5:20pm

  158. 158: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Sirens, I was thinking how I was missing my opportunity to do 5 second states at the amusement park when this cute guy got in line behind me. I cOuldnt bring myself to openly stare at someone so close, but did look at him many times and then, he leaned over and started talking to me! He asked how many if the girls were mine, told me how pretty they were, etc. I didn’t get his name, but found out he lives 2 hours away, is in the police academy and what sports his kids play. It was such good practice! I mentioned the girls’ sad is in the army and lives out of state, he asked if we were still together. When we got on the ride my daughter said I should have gotten his number! :) felt so fun to flirt! I wish I had gotten his number! :)

    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 5:23pm

  159. 159: forest sirenNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Memulo! I like to tear recipes out of magazines and stick them in this giant scrapbook I have full of yummy looking dishes. However I rarely use it to cook from! I’m not sure what I’m waiting for!

    I haven’t been dancing in a long time. I thought it would b fun to take ballroom dancing lessons with Lionman but he wasn’t very enthusiastic! I want to try Zumba. What kindof dancing do u like? Mostly I just dance around the house now when no one is looking 😉

    I’m a terrible swimmer and I can only be in warm water! I’m an earth sign so not crazy about getting wet. I prefer baths to showers. Do you swim in a pool?

    I used to be passionate about art but to be honest I don’t really have that same passion for it now. I am passionate about horses though! And theater I’m a bit too lazy I prefer a good movie.

    What happened re your living situation?

    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 5:26pm

  160. 160: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    If I see him again before we leave I’m asking his name! I thought he was too cute for me too..,, how funny! He even brushed a bug off my forehead :)

    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 5:26pm

  161. 161: ReceivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    @115 Annie

    Thank you :)

    Based on your background story, I don’t think I would want to reconsider the divorce. It sounds like it wasn’t a very good relationship for you. It sounds like you weren’t happy or loved very well. I feel sad to read that.

    Personally, I don’t think I would want to give someone a second chance who says they are not in love with me, but think they might grow into it, if given the chance. I don’t feel all warm and fuzzy by hearing that. I’m glad to hear you say that you are worth more :) I want to have it all, I believe it is out there and I believe we all deserve to find what that is for us & live it.

    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 5:27pm

  162. 162: ReceivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    So sad, someone just broke down in tears outside my house. All the comments on FB are also so sad. All teary-eyed today. Lots of people in shock.

    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 5:39pm

  163. 163: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    Forest Siren,

    I follow recipes maybe just once and then stop:) Always change something in them and am not organized enough to keep them written somewhere.

    I recently started taking zumba classes and I like it a lot because I have sports injuries and can’t do any serious ‘power’ routine, but zumba is different. Depending on the level maybe it is very doable for me. I love ballroom dancing and need to make an effort to do it too, just was working crazy hours for the past few months. I will do it alone, you can always meet a partner in your class.

    My living situation, thanks for asking, they accepted a cheque for this month so I guess I have more time to look.

    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 5:44pm

  164. 164: MemuloNo Gravatar says:


    that sounds so good:) I don’t know about asking for his number, but smiling and making an eye contact and if that doesn’t work giving him yours maybe? But don’t listen to me too much, I always give up if they don’t ask for my number.

    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 5:47pm

  165. 165: baby stepsNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Sirens, I’ll like a little help with my script.

    Other than the short exchange we had before I came back, there was been no contact until yesterday. He had said he would be back and i texted him to let me know to let me know that he is home safe. He replied immediately but claimed he was was busy and tired.

    Miss Stix suggested a script cos during the exchange we had before I came back, I had asked if everything was wrong and said no, and used the busy excuse.

    Can I please get your opinions for the script

    Script: I know I have been on you a bit lately ( this refers to me asking if he was angry with me and if everything is ok ), and I just want to put it out there that i feel us drifting apart a little bit. I felt scared that you might be mad at me… But really, I just want to know what you think about it. So…. What do u think?

    Thank you

    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 5:48pm

  166. 166: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    Forest Siren,

    yes, I swim in a pool or in the ocean or anywhere with water enough to cover my body:) I am a water sign.

    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 5:49pm

  167. 167: forest sirenNo Gravatar says:

    (((Memulo))) now I feel I know you a little better! I feel good about that. Thanks for sharing.

    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 5:51pm

  168. 168: baby stepsNo Gravatar says:

    Sorry, I think my message is about jumbled. Between the short exchange and yesterday, I leaned back for about 5 days with zero contact.

    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 5:53pm

  169. 169: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    Baby steps,

    I would lean waaaay back. Not ask if everything is ok, how he feels or what he thinks. If he has a concern he has every right to express it, then you will listen:) I would let it hang and not initiate any contact or a conversation of this sort if he shows up.

    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 6:01pm

  170. 170: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    It feels nice to hear Forest Siren:)

    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 6:04pm

  171. 171: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    Baby Steps,

    Sorry for repeating this, but would you feel comfortable about getting busy yourself and if he contacts you not even respond immediately?

    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 6:06pm

  172. 172: luzydelNo Gravatar says:

    Is it ok to be flirty and open to other women? Today I was only with women ding some stuff and I practice openness and a bit flirty, not in a sexual way, just being girly. I am just working out my inner vulnerabilities…

    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 6:10pm

  173. 173: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    I just talked to my mom and she suggested not to put pressure on him and to enjoy my weekend, rest, sleep (much needed!) and go out with friends if I feel like it. She thinks that expressing my disappointment or using my ‘power’ or anger is a bad idea.

    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 6:10pm

  174. 174: MemuloNo Gravatar says:


    the most dazzling flirty women I know are flirty both with women and men:)

    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 6:11pm

  175. 175: SassyNo Gravatar says:


    Of course!!! It can be fun and practice. I flirt with everyone.

    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 6:20pm

  176. 176: ReceivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    @125 Memulo

    I don’t think that falls into a love language. They are words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service and physical touch. However, they are more focused on the person receiving these things to fill their love tank.

    I’m not really suggesting that. Sometimes we can make a big deal over something that bothers us, then the person will do things just because we told them it bothers us and not because they want to. And, that won’t make you happy either. You want him to do things because he wants to.

    I have an example. I did this with my last serious bf. We had been dating 3 years, lived together 2. I was not happy because he was never around. I felt I did everything and he just roamed the neighborhood. I would make dinner and he couldn’t even sit with me for 5 minutes to eat before running out the door again. I didn’t feel appreciated at all. I felt like I was living with a roommate, whom I never saw and what was the point?

    So, I told him how unhappy I was. I told him ALL the things that bothered me. I told him how I didn’t feel like we were even in a relationship. I wake up before him, I go to bed before him, I watch TV by myself all night, I hardly see him, but at work and we really never talked. He wouldn’t do anything unless he wanted to do it. I feel sometimes you do things that your partner wants to do because you want them to be happy too. He refused to listen to the music I liked to listen to…so many things.

    He said, he would change and we could work this out. He didn’t want to end things, etc. So, what did he do? He turned on my radio station on the way home from work (we carpooled with 2 other guys) and then made a big deal about it to them, while I was sitting there. I felt like he wanted me to pat him on the head and say good boy! Definitely did not make me feel better. It made me feel like saying, don’t bother. I felt ridiculed.

    Focus on you. Do things for you. Go have your own fun and let him work for you. But, if you tell him to work for you, it won’t feel right when he does. It needs to come from him.

    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 6:37pm

  177. 177: RadloveNo Gravatar says:


    Lil girl thought of a new game:

    Change the Room…Naked.

    LOL! 😆

    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 6:44pm

  178. 178: RadloveNo Gravatar says:


    172 – Rori talked about that sort of thing in her last teleclass, and she said it’s fine.

    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 6:45pm

  179. 179: baby stepsNo Gravatar says:

    171 Memulo :)

    I leaned back for 5 days before messaging him and when he was short, asked the questions. After that, I leaned back for another 5 days.

    I am not comfortable leaning back, but I am willing to try. I have been trying…. I bounce between wanting to call/message vs being able to control myself and not call.

    I doubt I can bring myself not to answer if he messages, much less call >.< what frightens me is that this has been a long relationship…

    Haven't posted much here as it is an open forum and I don't feel secure.

    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 6:52pm

  180. 180: MemuloNo Gravatar says:


    This was most helpful. Thank you sooo much. Even before reading your post I was thinking – I already expressed my attitude texting him that I feel excluded. What did I hear back? Reference to his tough situation. I replied that I understand and feel very sympathetic. So I heard more references to the situation:)

    I don’t know, should I act like nothing happened? Should I get into my own business and silently drift away? I wouldn’t want that. Neither of these options feel right.

    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 7:27pm

  181. 181: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    Baby Steps,

    he said he was busy, right? He knows that you reached out, so naturally once he is less busy he can contact you? I know it is very tough. But what I think in these situations is that pretty much the only way to bring them closer is to keep no contact if there is no contact that they initiate. A man should make an effort to speak to me/see me. That is a bottom line.

    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 7:31pm

  182. 182: ViNo Gravatar says:

    Daria here it is:

    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 8:09pm

  183. 183: ReceivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    @180 Memulo

    You’re welcome…I’m glad my story helped. I would just mind your own business and let him come to you. I know it’s easier said than done, but I think it’s the best. He knows you were bothered. Leave it be.

    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 8:13pm

  184. 184: ReceivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    Hi baby steps,

    Sorry to make you repeat, but I don’t know your story. What happened?

    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 8:15pm

  185. 185: ReceivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    Even with such a sad day, I managed to get a lot of things done. I hope tomorrow is productive too. I still have a ton of things to do to get ready for next week.

    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 8:18pm

  186. 186: Memulo says:


    Thank you, but he will prob try to ask me out in mid-week again and leave me alone on the weekend. I feel mow that I am letting him treat me like ….. that.

    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 8:28pm

  187. 187: luzydelNo Gravatar says:

    I don’t really want to go back to online dating; and I fear that is the only way to date now days; and I feel sick to think about it. I don’t like it! I feel so empty about it, I fell forced when I try it and I feel unnatural.
    Dancing is fun and I keep all the focus on me and the men there are either husbands or gay…I enjoy them a lot, but of course I cannot date them.

    I miss being with a man, not just sexually; I can get sex easy… I mean to Really be with a man! I miss it….

    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 8:42pm

  188. 188: BelleNo Gravatar says:

    FW and Annie

    “Men will say stuff, anything. Do anything to get what they want”

    I feel relief reading this…yes, makes sense.
    C was the one talking relationship and I was like, “are you crazy? I don’t even know you.”
    once he gave me some fluff about wanting to get to know me, that he was so curious about me and how I had opened his eyes about some things and blah blah
    for a minute my ego was all fluffed up, “Oh, yeah I’d like that, that feels good to hear.”
    Then about 1 minute later, I said, “Heyyyyyy, that doesn’t even make sense. When are we supposed to hang out and get to know each other? I told you we aren’t friends, you have a gf, what?”
    He said he knew it didn’t make sense as soon as it came out of his mouth.

    Thurs on the way out he called me “baby” and was holding me hugging me on the way out. On one hand it felt good, and on the other hand I could see it objectively and thought, “oh, he sure knows the right things to say.”

    In other news…I hung out with a friend tonight who is getting her life together with lightning speed and it is a beauty to behold. Her little one danced and hooped for us and it felt so good to see how much change had occurred in just a few weeks. It wasn’t that long ago she was stressed out and prickly with her daughter, and now they are so fluid and joyful and relaxed and playful together. Two people told me today they must be doing something right to have attracted me into their lives…
    yesthank you moreplease
    Liking that ease, the appreciation
    it’s feeling easier to let in.
    I was feeling numb with my ‘available’ friends for a while but I trusted I would get used to it and more and more I feel melty and receptive and trusting.

    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 8:48pm

  189. 189: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    Growing, groaning, griping, growling, grasping, grating, groping, grinning.

    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 9:27pm

  190. 190: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    I didn’t see him again, but posted an ad on Craigslist in the missed connections section. Who knows… Maybe he’ll see it!

    Thank you universe for the beautiful, amazing reminder that I don’t know who or what else could be out there for me. Wow, I really needed that tonight!

    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 9:29pm

  191. 191: baby stepsNo Gravatar says:

    181 Memulo

    I don’t buy the busy excuse. It’s been 6 years and I know he isn’t too busy to call. He has never been that busy before….
    Thus is why I’m worried sick, not just cos if the number of days,

    There has been times when we have no contact for up to 3 weeks when either of us is out of the country for work and wifi us not available. I never fretted then cos I knew we would have no contact. This is out of the blue.

    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 9:33pm

  192. 192: luzydelNo Gravatar says:

    Counting the men I’ve met from online… so far 40…

    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 9:37pm

  193. 193: baby stepsNo Gravatar says:

    Hi RG, I’m more than happy to repeat myself if the sirens are not sick of me :p

    My bf of 6 years stopped initiating contact with me for 3 weeks. He replies only to messages with questions in them, the answers are curt and he is always ‘busy’. It all started when i went overseas for work ( I have wifi so that shouldn’t be an issue ) I struggled for 1 week to maintain contact, then leaned back for a week. Broke down and messaged. He replied but was still curt and to the point. He is busy, there is nothing wrong. I’ve been back for a week and it’s the same issue still. He replies to messages, he is busy and tired.

    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 9:43pm

  194. 194: baby stepsNo Gravatar says:

    Memulo and RG, are u on the island?

    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 9:44pm

  195. 195: TereanaNo Gravatar says:

    Okay, ladies – I’ve been a lean-forwardy type woman today. I actually feel a little bit pissed at vman today. He’s been practically MIA since Friday, and with no explanation. Usually, he’ll tell me even if he’s just going to use the bathroom. Plus, he accidentally invited me to have drinks with him and his friends. Not just me. The invite went to everyone. So he said. When I told him how excited I was about going, he told me to ignore it and not to come. Grrr.

    I was on the verge of going, just because. But then I realized I was being stubborn and egotistical, and really I needed to let him “drive” this and tell me no, even if I didn’t like it.

    I had the opportunity to go out last night with SYG, and I kind of wish I’d gone, but it’s okay. I was super tired last night. Now I am going out by myself, because I want to. I might tell SYG I am in town, I might not. I’m not sure yet.

    Meanwhile, I did send vman a pretty blunt email. Granted, I was a bit tipsy from drinking wine at the time, but I was honest. I owned it. I told him I was attracted to him physically, but that that was it for me. And it really is. I can’t see us having a relationship. Not a real one. He’s too inconsistent. Coming through in some ways. Utterly failing to show up in others. And maybe I making too much of a standard. Maybe I sm standing too much on ceremony. I want all this, I really do – the ring, the partnership, the family. But maybe right now, all that is too much to deal with. Maybe right now all I want to do is have fun and enjoy myself.

    It feels a bit weird – like maybe here I am, throwing myself at a guy who has treated me less than excellently, and who’s barely expressed interest in me in any real way. And he’s disappeared at a crucial juncture.

    But I can’t really explain any of this. I don’t think he’s the guy for me, so it doesn’t matter. I feel good at least, expressing my truth, with no expectations. I feel free to do what I want. And it’s okay to talk to and be desired by other men. It feels good :-) it is all good. All of it. Yes. Good. Good.


    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 10:27pm

  196. 196: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    Wow luzydel! 40? I’m impressed !!!
    I feel inspired to try to count mine. Most of mine were one daters. But good practice.
    I myself feel super akward meeting guys online. I never quite got the hang of it.
    TextCD has completely poofed. I feel sad cuz he had potential. Oh well.

    I feel shy to date anyone right now. I do t feel good about myself. I put on a few pounds and I’d like to lose some!!

    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 10:34pm

  197. 197: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    Baby steps, have you seen him since you’ve been back?

    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 10:35pm

  198. 198: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    I feel overwhelmed by my responsibilities. I have a new job and it’s great but I actually have 3 jobs so it’s been stressful and tricky getting to sleep at night … I’m wound up from working so many hours. That’s why I’m having problems with my weight.
    I’ve been feeling “ugly” lately. I know it’s my weight. People tell me I look fine but I don’t .

    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 10:38pm

  199. 199: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    I’m also getting a lot of messages like if I really want something I will get it. I know it sounds weird. But I have a problem. I “want” a relationship but I’m scared. So maybe I don’t REALLY want it? I’m not focused on what I want. I have so many fear do I unblock?? It’s time for me to do that.

    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 10:42pm

  200. 200: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    Belle I enjoyed reading your post

    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 10:46pm

  201. 201: baby stepsNo Gravatar says:

    Emerson 197 – no, I haven’t. I did message him once, he replied immediately but the answer was busy, tired etc. I’ve been refraining from messaging again or calling. He also knows my schedule and knows I’m back.

    Are u losing or gaining weight? Hugs. Pls take care of your health.

    What do u mean by “I’m also getting a lot of messages like if I really want something I will get it.” how are the messages coming to you?

    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 10:47pm

  202. 202: k2012No Gravatar says:

    Trust me this is definitely good advice. At least the man said up front what he wanted. He said they are “just friends”. If i wanted a relationship from a man and he told me that he was not ready to commit to anyone for whatever reason, there is NO WAY that i would keep in touch with him if i wanted something more. Absolutely NO WAY. I would run to the nearest exit. At least he was honest. If i have strong feelings for him, I wouldn’t even bother circular date with him cause i wouldn’t want my feelings to grow for him when i know he isn’t ready.

    My ex boyfriend (not the one who disappeared) but one who i ended the relationship with 20 years ago, obviously wants a friends with benefits relationship. He claims he still loves me.I dont believe him because he told me that TWICE before and i found out based on his actions that he wasnt telling the truth. He says he wants to spend the day with me so i asked him where. He said,”We can find a place.” I told him NO. He has since remarried. We got involved while he was married but after a few years, he separated and I was the only woman for quite some time. His divorce was taking so long that I had to leave him. I honestly couldnt wait any longer. We were together for a total of 10 years. I loved him. In fact we loved each other very much.

    He is telling me, no one would get hurt. I dont love him anymore. If he was single, I would probably go back to him, but I would circular date, especially bearing in mind that I just came out of a relationship with a man who disappeared on me, so anyway i take it, i have to guard my heart. But he has remarried, so he’s out. I know myself, if I ever sleep with him, I would start getting attached and because he is not available, it wouldnt make any sense. I am definitely going to concentrate on finding a new boyfriend. I am slowly getting over the recent breakup and praying to God every night to take the recent ex-boyfriend out of my system. So no friends with benefits for me. I am praying to God for a husband but of course before he reaches a husband, he has to be a boyfriend first. lol

    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 10:50pm

  203. 203: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Morning Sirens!!
    Anybody up?
    Just about to go to work.
    I think this artcle has come in the nick of time for me ladies. The more I think about it the more I believe too, that we should be grateful when a man gives us clear words.
    I had those clear words and I am not going to feel like remaining open just to hear them again actually.
    Who am I kidding?
    The man is even moving away.
    I have my speech ready thanks to Daria and I am nearly done with it and I am just not sure whether to send it now or wait till I get there.
    I am afraid staying open and seeing him will increase the attraction (for both of us), but not solve the root problem, which is that he does not feel inspired to commit to me. If he hasn’t in two years, he won’t now, and saying that a ‘friends with benefits situation would be best’ for him, well that’s probably what would happen by me staying open.
    It’s not best for me.
    He is able to commit, and he has had girlfriends in the past, so he can do it when he feels like it.
    Time I nipped it in the bud and got brave and got prepared to let him go.

    Saturday, 15 September 2012 @ 11:46pm

  204. 204: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    Baby steps I am sorry about your situation with the boyfriend. I would feel upset too.
    I don’t know how I would handle it quite honestly …

    Regarding the message basically I’m getting that message by observing my life… I do have a faith in God and I’ve prayed for help and then focused on making it happen and it’s working out… Things beyond my control falling into place… But I don’t know how to do that with my relationship issues.
    I’m all over the place. I’m scared.
    I’ve been gaining weight. I used to smoke but now I stress eat. My work schedule is brutal so I have little time to exercise or care for myself and I I ow those are just excuses…

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 12:02am

  205. 205: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    203 (((tam)))
    I hear you about the guy and wanting friends with bennies. No can do. That’s why I had to cut recycledCD loose and I feel tempted to think”maybe” but I know it’s no point. He’s a waste of time for me to be “friends” with. Now and then he will have surges of emotion or be really helpful and attentive but then he poofs. Fu)k that who needs it?!?!

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 12:09am

  206. 206: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    Wow I’m really realizing I need to decide that it’s over for me and any hope with recycled so I can move on. It’s holding me back…
    Thanks tam for helping me process this …

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 12:11am

  207. 207: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    Ugh I’m feeling sick to my stomach and heavy head…

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 12:11am

  208. 208: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    Gnite sirens

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 12:13am

  209. 209: k2012No Gravatar says:

    Yes we should be grateful Tam. True, True. U are not a friends with benefits person either. I will lie in bed now and then and think of making love to him worse like how I am now single and starved for sex.(My most recent ex who disappeared on me was long distance and we were apart for 9 months and a few days after he came, he disappeared, so we didn’t do anything much. But it is NOT going to become a reality so I am keeping my distance. Another name for friends with benefits is casual sex. I can’t sleep with someone outside the context of a relationship. I told ex boyfriend of 20 years that some years ago.

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 12:13am

  210. 210: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Yes, thanks Ladies. it is what it is.
    (((Emerson))) (((k2012)))

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 12:23am

  211. 211: k2012No Gravatar says:

    Many of them won’t tell us. They just disaapear whether it is a case where u are just meeting them and they are not ready to start anything or a relationship have started and the man changes his mind for whatever reason and instead of saying something to u out of common decency, they just disappear like what my recent ex did.

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 12:28am

  212. 212: TamNo Gravatar says:

    hm, in my case the problem is that he keeps coming back no matter what I say and keeps stepping up more and more but as soon as the word relationship is even mentioned, he almost visibly flinches… I want a man who is begging me for commitment, not vice versa.

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 12:31am

  213. 213: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    Morning Tam, not sure what time you posted, you might be at work now.
    When you get back it’d feel great to hear your script. I’ve been thinking about whether to do it before you go or there which I’d feel great to share.
    I’m off for an early walk in the hills, love English countryside! Were stopping for a hot chocolate with marshmallows to warm up with.
    Then Im decorating at mums to get my room ready. After that I’ve got tea at my brothers. I love my nephew so dearly. He’s just starting to talk properly now.
    Somewhere in-between that I may think about strummingman and feel him playing with my hair again!

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 12:48am

  214. 214: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    Forest siren, thanks! Aw it would feel great to hold someone’s hand walking down the street. Rori suggests visualising a perfect relationship. I love the law of attractionI’d definitely want hand holding!

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 12:50am

  215. 215: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Smile!! On my way to work. What a lovely day you have planned!!!
    I am still not sure whether to send it now or not. I just don’t want to go and get sucked into it again, tempting as it is.
    It would perhaps feel better to set my boundaries now and if he does show up, regardless, I will be able to say ‘I have not changed my mind’, which is easier than fumbling my way through a script while he is staring at me.
    Hrmpf. I might be killing off all the progress with one email, but then again, at least he would know that I am not after taking crumbs anymore.
    I have, since I got here, sent him a no friends speech twice – and he came on stronger each time. Which is weird, but I don’t take it as a change of heart, rather that his hunting instinct was raised. Sad but true.

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 12:58am

  216. 216: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    Tam, I’ve got to dash, but I’m leaning towards waiting on this one…? I’ll post when I get back and see what you think…

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 1:10am

  217. 217: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks Smile….hmmmm…the waiting. To meet him and see what he says?! Dangerous. Man-crack issue. Hrmpf.

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 1:39am

  218. 218: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Haha, my horoscope said if I don’t voice my needs now, frustration will build up…too funny!!

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 1:50am

  219. 219: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    I’m realizing that I still have bouts of, I don’t look good enough, I should change this and that and Then men will like me…

    I want to embrace my voices and shift my beliefs

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 1:55am

  220. 220: baby stepsNo Gravatar says:

    Emerson, I hope more things will fall into place for you. Do u mind sharing ur story again?

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 3:32am

  221. 221: baby stepsNo Gravatar says:

    sirens, I will love to learn more about law of attraction and practice it together :)

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 3:34am

  222. 222: baby stepsNo Gravatar says:

    Daria, will u please be my friend

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 3:36am

  223. 223: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    Baby Steps,

    I am in the States.

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 4:22am

  224. 224: MemuloNo Gravatar says:


    I actually liked your initial script. Don’t know, I am not an expert on scripts.

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 4:23am

  225. 225: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    I feel bad this morning. I feel that i am letting him do it and he pushes my boundaries more and more. Maybe CD’ing is the answer, but with respect to him if I don’t say anything and just CD behind his back in our relationship nothing will change.

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 4:25am

  226. 226: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    Baby Steps,

    I really feel for you. Did you condiser going on a date with someone else?

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 4:27am

  227. 227: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you Memulo!:)

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 4:28am

  228. 228: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you Memulo!:)

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 4:28am

  229. 229: Jessie1000No Gravatar says:

    HI girls,
    Here is my news. I had a month while my little fellow went to his dad in nova scotia for his month visit. At the end of the visit, instead of following his itinerary and sending him back to me in Ontario, last week before school, he texted that he was keeping him and to go F*** myself!!! I was shocked! By that time I was already too heartsick over my little son, hes never been away from me more than 7 days and it was his first long visit….he is only 5. My sons father told me to stay in Ontario and that my son was better off with him.
    I freaked out!!!
    School was starting, he actually enrolled my son in a school near him and had me barred from the school!!! I have primary care of my little son (both my sons) since he was 3 months old when me and my sons father broke up.
    His father hardly even visited my son even though he lived only 2 blocks away….like once a week for only a few hours…he told me that he was too busy for his son with work and school.
    I flew up over the long labour day weekend, tried to get a lawyer, with like only a days notice, booked an emergency trial…..filed papers, got my older son from our home in ON and started to fight for my son.
    My sons father lied about everything in his affidavit…said he never saw his son for 2 years!! omg, he was always going to his dads, xmas, halloween, march break, summers, and tried for custody. The custody battle was looking ugly so my lawyer suggested that I just stay back in NS and then my sons father could never ask for custody since I have primary care and had it since he was a baby.

    TO take myself out of the big mess, I arranged with the university to let me do my school there, grabbed my older son and rented an apartment over the phone from a nice girl that I went to school with years ago in the old area where I wanted to live. It took hours of mediation for my sons father to even let my little son who had started a few days of school to even submit (understand i guess) that he wasnt going to be able to do anything he wanted now and that my returning to NS ended his game.

    My sons father kept telling me to stay in ON and forget my son now because they didnt need me anymore!! Oh the betrayal.
    My sons father finally had to give my son back but he had told my little guy that he wasnt going to see his mom anymore and he didnt need to because i was no good and i was going to leave him for school because i didnt care about him anyway.
    I have cried my eyes out continuously for about 7 days, but now I have my son, my older son, my primary day to day care with my son, so I put him to bed every night and take him to school, and his dad sees him every second weekend…..he had to give up his passport for access because he had falsified papers saying i had given him permission to go to lebanon with the plan that he could get there once he had custody and never return. (He really assumed that I would just do nothing and sit still while he took my son away to the middle east)
    Trust me anyone from the Middle East does not act like this…this has been my sons fathers power game since my son was born….i will steal him and give him to my mother to raise and there is nothing you can do about it once he turns 6…..i am devastated.
    Everytime I say good bye now to my son, I wonder if this is the last time that I will see him
    I am sick over the betrayal and lies where I trusted my son on a visit and then my sons father did not have any plans to return him (AND I paid for the ticket…how stupid am I)
    I feel lost now back in NS as all my stuff, belongings, posessions are in ON and I had to dry myself with a facecloth yesterday because we didnt have any towels yet.
    I hope you girls remember me, cause the one good thing about this blog, is I can visit you girls no matter where I live…..I am so sad over my friends in ON and I wish I could be back there in my school and in my home, and with my favorite towels lol
    kisses everyone
    just an update

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 4:28am

  230. 230: MemuloNo Gravatar says:


    Stay strong! I know it is very hard at this time but he can’t do anything. Did you file for him to pay your court expenses?

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 4:41am

  231. 231: Goddess LilyNo Gravatar says:

    198 – Emerson


    I’m a stress eater too – like it scares people how much and what kind of food I can put away.

    You are not ugly. I feel so bad for your work situation. Being so busy means you are obviously amazing at your job. People know they can trust you to get the job done. As far as your health/weight, could you find in 30 minutes a day? And do you have a cell phone with applications?

    Some great applications that I have found for health and weight loss:
    -Myfitnesspal (also on the computer) – Keeps track of calories, and other nutrition information of what you eat. Real eye opener, makes you aware of your food choices.
    -Couch to 5K (This can be done without the app I just find it easier to follow the prompt) – Walk/Jog app. I’ve lost 7 of my 10 lb goal with this app.
    -Fooducate – Scan items at the store to see the “real” nutrition information and get alternative healthier options.

    The more I talk to you ladies, the more I wish we were all in the same area so we could really help each other out.

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 4:41am

  232. 232: Goddess LilyNo Gravatar says:

    203 – Tam – I was thinking the same thing when I read the article. Of course we ALL need to hear this but your current situation came to mind. You WILL find that man who is begging you to commit.

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 4:42am

  233. 233: Goddess LilyNo Gravatar says:

    221- Baby steps – I would like to practice LOA too. It was weird right after reading just a little about it, I started having a random thought of asking my mom to keep her eyes open for men for me to CD. I thought about it but I forgot to ask her. Tell me why later in the day, she called and asked for my picture but wouldn’t tell me why. I pushed the subject until she told me that some lady she met told her she has two sons my age and thought we might get along. I had this in my mind and it happened that quickly. For this reason I really need to practice positivity in my thoughts and desires. I’m scared I will attract someone that falls into my old patterns.

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 4:43am

  234. 234: AnnieNo Gravatar says:

    OMG Jessie. biggest hugs ever.
    TY for sharing your story.

    I don’t know how you do it.
    Suerly it is now a foresable risk that this man is a danger to his son.

    Can you insist on supervised access only because of what has happened him refusing to give him back to his mother etc?
    What does your lawyer say?

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 4:52am

  235. 235: ViNo Gravatar says:

    Omg ((((((((Jessie)))))))))

    I feel my heart shrinking reading this, I feel angry and helpless.. I judge myself a little for feeling ‘violent’ but punching him would feel really good.. I don’t want women to feel unsafe for themselves and the children… my heart is crying…

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 4:53am

  236. 236: Goddess LilyNo Gravatar says:


    You will get through this!!! My friend is going through the exact same thing. Lies and all. You are obviously already a strong woman. Your story will have a happy ending and you will be even stronger for it.

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 5:01am

  237. 237: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    OMG Jessie! How awful for you! I would be heartbroken if either of my exes tried to “steal” either of my daughters!

    I’m so glad you got him back, although things still seem very tough for you now.

    So is there more legal stuff to go through? Will you be able to go back to ON in the future??

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 5:01am

  238. 238: MemuloNo Gravatar says:


    May I ask if you gave TH your power speech and started acting on it when things began to change between you two?

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 5:18am

  239. 239: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Babysteps – ok I will be your friend.

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 5:23am

  240. 240: ViNo Gravatar says:

    Caution: processing. I feel rage! I feel violent energy going through my body. I want to beat the Evil… I want Women to feel safe and happy.. and Children to feel safe and happy… do I want Men to feel safe and happy?… omg I feel unsure.. I just realized how angry I feel towards men in general… I love my anger, I love my anger. I feel judgemental for feeling angry at men .. and saying ‘Evil’ ouch.. I feel afraid. I feel scared of their power… I want to feel safe with men. I want to heal this!

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 5:26am

  241. 241: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    238 Memulo – I totally suck at speeches, and a few times I’ve had to tell him that I want to look after me and put me first.

    My “acting” on my new power was to get out there and have fun in my life, without considering him when I made plans. I didn’t CD other guys, but I did CD my daughters, myself and my girlfriends.

    So he would invite me out but I would turn him down because I was busy and he didn’t like it one bit. I would then remind him that it was he that wanted to take the step back, not me. And I also told him that unless it was important, I would not change plans for him either.

    I have the first three weekends of October booked out. Unless he plays the birthday card (first weekend), then he will see very little of me over those weekends. He HATES that and went quiet when I mentioned I was booked. But I do know it increases my value in his eyes.

    Oh and this morning I tried to end things with him because being me, I need to have some control, so I told him all of the reasons why I didn’t think things were going to work between us.

    In response he took me to lunch and is now staying the night. Uh, that’s not what was supposed to happen!!

    Lol 😀

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 5:26am

  242. 242: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    I actually asked him last time before I left jokingly – what is it – am I your thursday date? He asked what day it was and said you are my friday date since it’s friday morning and I see you now. If I thought about it more I wouldn’t have asked that question.

    Another thing that happened on a date is that he mentioned that since I have a kid in college (I had him very early, so I am a young mom) I can become a grandmother soon. then he said – sorry, it’s not a nice thing to say. I asked why? it is true, except he is very busy with school and I don’t see this happening soon really. I didn’t pay much attention to it on a date and he is several years older than me anyway, but later I remembered it and it feels strange to me that he said that.

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 5:27am

  243. 243: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Sirens if I haven’t answered your friend requests it’s cuz we can keep in contact thru Siren Island and I feel better on my FB w mostly people I interact with a lot (and usually grew up with in real life.)

    Thank you for your requests though, and if it’s very important to you to be my friend let me know privately and I will consider giving it a go.

    I feel self conscious that I’m ‘hood’ , an anarchist, a witch, a marijuana lover and I feel afraid to be judged an not ‘got’ me.

    I also don’t want to see a lot of stuff that triggers me .

    I don’t want to feel uncomfortable if I suddenly start posting aggressive raps or rants or something.

    I feel amused that I’m even writing this, it feels scary fir me and I’ve gone numb.

    Now a bit sad. Sigh.

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 5:27am

  244. 244: MemuloNo Gravatar says:


    But was he trying to see less of you before? My guy is trying not to see me weekends.

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 5:29am

  245. 245: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    (((((Jessie))))) wow that felt so scary to read, I feel so relieved you got your son back.

    I would breathe and get some healing and massage done so I could untraumatize myself faster. Wow

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 5:31am

  246. 246: MemuloNo Gravatar says:


    Thank you for sharing this, I was wondering sometimes what you were feeling/thinking when you posted various stuff. I feel you or anyone can feel safe on the blog or in real life as long as we are expressing ourselves sincerely and make other people’s lives richer and more complete with our presence. You’ve certainly helped a lot of sirens, me included. Please do express who you are on the blog, I really want to know;)

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 5:34am

  247. 247: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    243 Memulo – he said he wanted to take a step back, and was kind of living with me at the time, so moved a lot (but not all) of his stuff back to his house.

    But I actually hear from him MORE than before, not less! And several nights a week we go to the gym together, and he takes me out on dates too.

    So things have actually improved since our “breakup” – significantly!

    Also, while I was really distraught when it first happened (I was in the midst of major depression at the time), I soon accepted it and basically went about my life in a way that Rori suggests: If he’s not in front of you, he doesn’t exist.

    So in the past, before accepting an invitation or making plans, I’d consider what he’s doing first. I no longer do that – I just make the plans.

    If he wants to see me badly enough, he knows what to do. 😉

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 5:41am

  248. 248: MemuloNo Gravatar says:


    You weren’t thinking that in this case he can make his own plans while you are conveniently not available?

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 5:45am

  249. 249: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    247 Memulo – Yes he can definitely make his own plans, but at the same time he knows that if he even thinks of dating another woman, it’s a dealbreaker for me and he and I will be over.

    That’s one boundary that I will not back down, and he knows it, so has never stepped over that boundary.

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 5:51am

  250. 250: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    I don’t feel comfortable saying I’m a witch, im more a divine being a yes a Goddess I forgot, priestess of my divinity , voudoo woman loved by all there is, a healer lover magic maker medicine woman . Magic goddess medicine woman

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 5:53am

  251. 251: MemuloNo Gravatar says:


    Did you ever express that boundary?

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 5:54am

  252. 252: BelleNo Gravatar says:


    Did you get my email?

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 5:56am

  253. 253: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    Memulo, yes I did. Right at the start. I told him that he is free to do whatever he likes, but if he wants to date other women, then I am not interested in seeing him anymore.

    He was ok with that and understands that I won’t back down from that boundary. I honestly don’t think he wants me out of his life anyway, especially based on his reaction to my attempt to end it with him today. :)

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 5:59am

  254. 254: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    I think he may still be on a dating site. I didn’t check recently because it feels like I am spying and I feel downgraded when I take that road. For the same reason I did not confront him about it. Also, I know that he is extremely busy and focused on everything around his divorce process. So as long as I felt I could trust him I didn’t want to discuss it.

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 6:00am

  255. 255: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    “and then he needs to go sow some wild oats for awhile”

    When I 1st started dating D, once he knew he ‘had’ me, he went into that ‘sowing wild oats’ phase.
    He had a mission to have a woman ‘secured’ on the shelf waiting for him while he went through that phase.

    He would put his drinking buddies 1st, and drink alot, flirt with women.
    It felt so yucky! I felt so ‘low value’.
    I don’t know how many times I left him.
    , and he would always chase me down…until I caught him with another woman.

    Last night, we were with his family, and kidding around at how his son has all the girls all over him at his new school.
    I jokingly said to him “Dad you’ll have to teach him how to manage that.”
    His sister burst out laughing and said “Yeah, with your experience you can teach him the ropes to juggle all these women, lolll”
    He instantly replied with a very serious ‘I mean it’ tone: “I don’t do that anymore. I won’t teach him.”

    That felt very reassuring.

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 6:07am

  256. 256: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    I am also a witch :). Lol. And an orthodox Christian ! Hehe

    I am so many things I am everything

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 6:12am

  257. 257: EmersonNo Gravatar says:


    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 6:15am

  258. 258: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    Allthough D is not hanging around with his buddies anymore, it’s been me and his son since we started seeing each other again…I’m still not feeling ‘satisfied’ and he still seems confused about where I fit in his life.

    I was feeling so happy, peaceful and confident yesterday.
    I was very productive in getting my stuff done and taking care of myself while he was busy.
    For the 1st time in a long time, I felt ‘secure’ enough not to get the urge to call him and ask him what time we were going to meetup and where he was at.
    I was just focused on doing my own thing and making myself pretty for the evening.
    He called to ask when I was coming over to meetup so we would go see his family.
    It felt good to say “I have 1 more errand to run and I’ll bee there right after.”
    He didn’t ask for a time, so I didn’t give him one.

    It felt so good to be busy and leaning back without even trying to.

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 6:16am

  259. 259: MemuloNo Gravatar says:


    but you told him every time and left him, right? What did you do when you felt ‘out waiting on the shelf’?

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 6:17am

  260. 260: ViNo Gravatar says:

    Daria 243 I felt all giggly reading this and thought ‘this is a high maintenance woman’ I feel inspired and excited to get to that place! :-)

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 6:21am

  261. 261: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    231 thanks goddess lily i will try the apps! Some days I literally don’t have 30 minutes … I have a long commute and I go from one job to the next. My days off I’m so tired.

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 6:22am

  262. 262: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Vi – wow thanks! :) i feel surprised and good!

    yay high maintenance woman

    yum indeed

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 6:34am

  263. 263: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Belle – yes, i feel excited to listen to the meditation!

    yummie! thank you!

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 6:36am

  264. 264: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i want to face towards healing my heart

    i’ve done some of that huge lower chakra work and am way feeling better and easier about calling my Godson for his birthday next month

    there’s more to heal for me

    i want to feel at ease and in peace doing so

    and talking to his mom whom i love so much and i have felt so triggered by and haven’t talked to since new years when she yelled threatened and accused me of sleeping with her son’s father. i consider them all my family. i felt heartbroken and also triggered i know this is also about me, boundaries, and traumas with my parents that it triggers me so.

    i imagine once im healed i could very easily say, whoa i hear you girl, no way! did that happen, i love you and i dont want to be talked to this way, it feels bad, talk to u later

    and be able to talk to her the next day easily and connect

    (rather than this 8 month of not talking and crying almost daily with huge triggers thinking of it)

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 6:40am

  265. 265: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    When I got to feeling confident and peaceful since yesterday morning, my s3x drive came back after a couple of months absence.

    When I got to D’s house, I felt the urge to grab him and r1p his clothes off.

    He was in the garage working on fixing a tire.
    I leaned back on his motorcycle next to him.
    He asked me how I was.
    I said “I’m feeling good. I’m feeling this ovewhelming heat in my entire torso, starting from my ___ firing like a volcano climbing all the way up to my face.”

    He stood up, his neck stretched up, his eyes popped wide open and his eyebrows raised way up.
    I felt good to get his attention.

    He said “Oh really! My son is here, did you see him? He’s coming with us to see my family for once.”
    I said “Gee, we have to celebrate that… Well, my heat just went cold.”

    We had been trying forever to convince his son of coming with us to see his grandparents and godmother.
    I felt happy for D about him finally coming with us.
    But wow, did I feel disappointed.

    My s3x drive finally strongly came back after 2 months, I was climbing the walls, and I couldn’t do anything about it.
    This wasn’t D’s weekend to have his son.
    I was expecting to have him all to myself.
    I didn’t want to say anything bc we’ve been trying so hard for so long to get him to come with us.

    I don’t know how to describe how I feel about it.
    Of course his son is important.
    Of course I expect to come in 2nd behind his son.
    I feel happy that D has become a devoted father since we got back together (he wasn’t before).

    But when do ‘we’ ever get reserved special time alone together?

    His son comes and goes at a whim as he pleases.
    They never stick to the negotiated shared custody agreement anymore…they don’t stick to a schedule.
    It’s all at his son’s desire.
    He’s an only child, and D lost another child (deceased).
    So I can understand that this child is ‘king’.

    But how do I express wanting ‘my place’ without coming off as resentful or jealous?
    Without coming off as I want to come in 1st before his son, and that I don’t want to share D?

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 7:07am

  266. 266: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    im realizing im one of those ‘strong’ women in the world. like REALLY powerful.

    not in a ‘boardroom’

    but in the ‘streets’

    and also in ‘the temple’ a spirit way

    sooo i am w the same challenges

    it feels fascinating for me to meet a man that i see as more powerful than me either in a ‘street’ way or in a ‘spirit’ way

    i want to leave all that as passion and choose from the men who show up to build a reltionship with, in which im the feminine partner

    and i feel quite… conflicted?



    i also want my man to support me in these things, and also i don’t want to feel draggedown or annoyed,

    ok those aren’t givens!

    they’re just beliefs


    actually if in the moment a man can provide for me, i’ve been able to respect that well and can just create more and more moments like that and have my relationship that way

    im feeling tight and scared in tummy!

    i can do this!

    its ok for me to be hugely powerful

    remember, no leaning forward at all, into him



    if im a huge egg and he’s a tiny sperm lol i will just be here and breathe lol

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 7:12am

  267. 267: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    im feeling loved on the blog today!

    and also, all that 3rd chakra stuff about ‘being seen’ is Really showing up in the way im expressing myself, without me even trying



    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 7:16am

  268. 268: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i felt triggered reading about fitting into his life

    i was thinking about this the other day and worried that no man would fit ME into his life, im too shockingly amazing (and also move around a lot now – feeling sad so more belief shifting to do here)

    and then i remember Rori saying let him figure out how he will fit in YOUR life! and tha feels like sigh hee

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 7:19am

  269. 269: Goddess LilyNo Gravatar says:

    Is it bad that I did not feel any attraction to anyone on

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 7:32am

  270. 270: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    265 lillibee
    That feels so triggering I’m sorry! I know the son is important. It so are you.
    I feel so triggered imagining myself in this situation because with my family growing up I always felt “last in line” and struggled to have my needs met. My mom didnt care if my needs were not met as long as my dad was happy and my sister was very assertive so she always got what she needed/wanted. I understand it’s because my mom comes from an abusive background she acts that way but it’s hard for me.
    I feel triggered not being #1 in a relationship.

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 7:34am

  271. 271: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    This issue has been brewing for 2 months now.

    When it hasn’t been work, it’s been his son.
    It seems there’s always something keeping us from any alone intimate time.

    I’ve just healed my own stuff regarding his working.
    Now this issue regarding his son came to heads yesterday.

    Not only did I get a cold shower when I got to D’s place…
    When it was time for all 3 of us to leave together, D whispered this request to me in private away from his son:
    “He wants to sit in the front seat. You’ll have to sit in the back.”
    I replied “No.”
    He replied “Yes. You’ll sit in the front on our way back.”
    I said “I feel cheap, no value, 2nd class, demoted.”
    Him: “He wants to sit in the front.”
    Me: “He’s a child, he wants alot of things.”

    I went to the car and sat in the back waiting.
    D came in and said “C’mon sit in the front.”
    Me, feeling like the child here: ” You made it clear what you want my place to be.”

    I was saying to myself though that it was a bad idea to sit in the back.
    I was giving the message that I was accepting it.
    His son came and sat in the front.
    I was also worried of giving his son a ‘low value’ of me message.
    But at the same time, if his son gets the message that I accept coming in 2nd behind him, then that feels great.
    For the 1st time ever, his son was sociable and integrated himself in the group at his grandparents’ house.
    Also for the 1st time ever, his son paid attention to me and interracted with me.
    That felt awesome!
    I know that his son finally felt he was important to me.
    I finally felt connected with his son.


    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 7:36am

  272. 272: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    I mean I feel rage and huge anxiety over this!! If my partner seems to want to help other people that’s great but if it takes away from me I can’t handle it.
    I feel that I’ve aged a lot and I feel tired. I miss my old self. I hate talking about my relationship status with people. I’m single and 40 and yes I would like to have a baby.
    I know I’m all over the place right now sirens.
    I need someone who helps me feel secure.

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 7:38am

  273. 273: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    But I still feel triggered about D asking me to sit in the back.

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 7:39am

  274. 274: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    Wow I sound crazy. I sound selfish and middle aged nutso. I miss my old job (it didn’t pay the bills but was fun).
    I feel scared that my life will roll along and nothing will change as far as my relationships. Help!

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 7:42am

  275. 275: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    273 lillibee that was so wrong of him I am sorry but that’s ridiculous !!!!

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 7:43am

  276. 276: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    You are the adult and I feel wary of his son requesting this like he’s testing his dads boundaries …

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 7:44am

  277. 277: BelleNo Gravatar says:

    “i imagine once im healed i could very easily say, whoa i hear you girl, no way! did that happen, i love you and i dont want to be talked to this way, it feels bad, talk to u later”

    Don’t wait for you to be ‘healed’ someday to say it like this…you are bumping into your image of yourself.

    Be an actress..practice this conversation, BE that strong, healed woman who just says, “whoa i hear you girl, no way! did that happen…”

    Practice it in front of the mirror, get it in your body. You already ARE that person, get it??

    I noticed this in myself yesterday when I was riffing about the stuff my dad used to say but had a moment outside of it when I recognized, “If he said that to me now I’d just look at him crosseyed and ask him if he was out of his friggin mind and does he realize he is talking to somebody he LOVES like that?”

    So I’ve been practicing that…forget ‘healing’ someday, be healed now. You aren’t that little girl anymore (and neither am I!)

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 7:45am

  278. 278: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    In the past I’ve made life hard for myself and I don’t want to do that anymore. I don’t know why I do that.
    I’m trying to get a clear picture of what i want in a relationship and I’m having a hard time …

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 7:46am

  279. 279: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    I’m all over the place feeling anxiety about my new job and my family dramas …..Ugh

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 7:47am

  280. 280: ReceivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    @193 baby steps

    Thanks! Has he ever done this before? 6 years is a long time and I would imagine you would know him pretty well. Have you seen him since you’ve been back?

    No, I’m not on the island.

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 7:52am

  281. 281: BelleNo Gravatar says:


    Lilibee I felt elated reading this post!
    What a way to turn it around!
    When it’s a power struggle, it’s no fun.
    When we see through the eyes of love and respect, it gets all soft focus and cooperative and yumlike.

    What I’m noticing as a reflection in your post is all of the reasons we give ourselves that feel so justified to stop feeling good. We really do try to manipulate others with our feelings!
    It was challenging as heck to write out a complaint at the store the other day…how do I get them to hear me and not put any more crap peanut sauce out in the deli if I don’t really have bad feelings about it? I can’t tell them a horror story of how awful it was and how disappointed I felt, because it wasn’t and I didn’t. It was inconvenient at most, and sort of awesome at best anyway to do something different for myself.

    Living without the drama is all new unexplored territory!

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 7:53am

  282. 282: ReceivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    @195 Tereana

    He invited you and then said I don’t want you to come? Wow…

    I think you have a good feel for yourself and what you want and it’s ok if everything is too much for now. Do what feels right. :)

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 7:55am

  283. 283: ReceivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    @201 baby steps

    I would feel worried too. You have been gone for 3 weeks and he hasn’t tried to see you? I know this is very hard to do because it’s scary, but I think leaning back is the way to go. Maybe he’s really busy like he says and it will just pass. Maybe he is rethinking things and needs some space. If that’s the case, contacting him may push him further away. He told you he’s busy, so take him at his word. Let him come to you.

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 8:01am

  284. 284: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    Belle “living without the drama” yes!!!!
    Also why do I create reasons to not feel good?

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 8:01am

  285. 285: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    Sirens I’m just spewing out here sorry if I don’t make sense. I feel all over the place and not centered and maybe it’s from working too much!?

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 8:06am

  286. 286: sunshineNo Gravatar says:

    I went through something similar and finally ended the friendship. Its been a month or so and even though its hard at times I know I did the right thing and feeling better. However, there’s something thats making me feel anxious and any encouragement or wise words, sympathy will feel good…
    The guy that I ended the friendship with and I have a common friend. She knows about our friendship ending. I always felt she was attracted to him because she and I have the same “type” and most of all she is very flirty and “girly” around him. I also picked up that he’s flirty around her and liked to bring her up occasionaly when he and I were friends. Anyway, now that he and I arent friends its weird that when I call her to chat and say hi, she doesnt pick up or return my calls, coincidentally has happened after he and I split. I also noticed that he “liked” some things on her facebook. Anyway I feel silly because it could be a coincidence but my stomach is tight and I feel anxious!!! could they be talking? or even dancing around the idea of a more than friendly relationship now that Im out of the picture? I cant stop thinking about it but I dont want to tell her! she wouldnt admit it regardless I feel so scared. I would feel crushed if one of my closest friends was talking to a guy that I am trying to get over, and who I want to forget. I dont want anymore bad feelings from him, and I want her loyalty omg I feel terrible and nervous. What if he is trying to seek revenge because I cut him off? i know shes told me she has felt lonely and shes not in any kind of relationship right now which feels even scarier….im super paranoid!!!

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 8:07am

  287. 287: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    also i am a thief!

    i don’t believe in ‘property’ and feel reallly happy with thief spirituality

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 8:08am

  288. 288: MemuloNo Gravatar says:


    do you really think I should act like nothing happened?

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 8:09am

  289. 289: ReceivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    @225 Memulo

    CDing is not behind his back. He will notice and when he asks what you’ve been up to, you tell him, oh I had coffee with so and so. You’re not advertising that you are dating, but he will catch on. Don’t be secretive about it because that isn’t good either. Be authentic and honest, but he doesn’t need to know every detail.

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 8:11am

  290. 290: SassyNo Gravatar says:


    So so sorry to hear this about your son and his father.
    But in the past, on this blog, you have shown yourself to be an amazing, smart, strong siren and I know you will continue.

    Much love,

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 8:13am

  291. 291: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Belle – thanks but i feel all seized up in my body

    after i do EFT and heal i feel free and easy

    i don’t want to push myself … it won’t feel godo for me

    i’ve gone on for years not being able to ‘do’ that and i feel sweat on my skin starting right now imagining it

    it’s just too terrifiying even imagining it

    doing the EFT healing and then imagining feels like all the pressure just went away

    i don’t want to pressure myself and shock myself, my little girl doesn’t like that

    it’s like bieng scared of a little chihuaha barking, and then throwing myself in a pit of angry dogs

    i don’t want to do that


    im not gonna do that, and i haven’t done it for almost 9 months, so i’m just gonna be gentle with myself and keep on doing my shifts and get to the place where it feels easy and lovely

    whcih im already halfway there within the last week

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 8:14am

  292. 292: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    Annie – 122 – I don’t know if you had the chance to read my article or if anything more was said after this comment, for I haven’t read that far yet.

    Everyone judges, and I don’t think that it’s necessarily a negative thing. It can be for sure, but it doesn’t have to be. By nature of being human, we judge.

    We can also allow some compassion along with the judgements. If you look more deeply, you would likely see that anyone who causes pain, eg. rapist, abuser, etc. is in deep pain themselves.

    Knowing this helps me ease my judgments (not that they go entirely away all the time), and it also helps me not to feel hate, for harboring hate will hurt me first and foremost, but it may also spill out and hurt others. I don’t want this.


    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 8:18am

  293. 293: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i feel triggerd and sad

    i don’t want to keep beating myself up that im not brave/strong enough to put myself out there like that yet

    i ‘can’t’ that is i Don’t want to, and i don’t want to force myself

    i feel better NOT doing it forever if i never feel good about it

    my little girl doesn’t want to, she’s terrified, and i’m not gonna ignore her just cuz i know that i want to get somewhere great

    i can take it at her pace and get there

    i will take my time to be gentle with her and keep on healing with her


    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 8:19am

  294. 294: ReceivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    @229 Jessie

    OMG, that is terrible! I’m so sorry you had to go through that hun. I feel very happy you got your son back. That must have been awful for you. Maybe it’s time for only supervised visits since his father cannot be trusted?

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 8:19am

  295. 295: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:



    His son didn’t ask.
    D ‘whispered’ to me, away from his son, saying “He wants”
    D doesn’t take responsibility for what he wants himself.
    He puts that responsibility on his son by saying that it’s his son who wants that.
    Truth is it’s D who wanted that.
    His son didn’t ask for that as he expects to sit in the back as a child always does.

    When we got back to D’s house last night, I said
    ” I was promised to be treated like a queen, that’s why I got back with you.
    I don’t feel like a queen.
    I feel cheap, I feel like a lifeless statue sitting on the shelf waiting useful only as a decoration.
    I don’t feel connected with you.
    That feels bad.
    That does not feel like a relationship to me.
    Those are the feelings that make me want to leave all the time.
    I’m leaving now, bc I want a relationship.

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 8:21am

  296. 296: T-GirlNo Gravatar says:

    OMG Jessie. What an ordeal you have been through. (((((Hugs)))))

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 8:21am

  297. 297: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    personally i don’t perceive that i judge by nature of being human

    i think i judge by nature of having fallen ill to the belief of separation, right and wrong, good and bad, and judgement

    and i know my nature is non judgement, healed love

    hmmmh :)

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 8:21am

  298. 298: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    uhoh i was defending i feel defensive, i feel tingles of fear, intensity? up my spine

    i wnat to feel at peace


    i feel sadness

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 8:22am

  299. 299: MemuloNo Gravatar says:


    The truth is that you don’t have to do it with your guy.

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 8:24am

  300. 300: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    I feel curious and hopeful to see Lilibee CDing…

    and Memulo, and lots of other unmarried sirens!

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 8:24am

  301. 301: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    I feel curious and hopeful to see Lilibee CDing…

    and Memulo, and lots of other unmarried sirens!

    ack what is that about?

    im feeling sad and scared

    im feeling panicked and anxious and running around aimlessly like the ‘constrained’ femeinine energy in the little video heheeeheheheeee

    that feels funny

    i love me and its totally ok to feel everything i feel

    i give myself permission to be and feel unconstrained!


    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 8:26am

  302. 302: CbloveNo Gravatar says:

    I’m sorry this is long! This is my first comment!! I have to say that this website has helped me so much in the past few years. I was completely wrong the way I thought love was supposed to go.. It has caused me to tolerate so much pain and abuse for most of my 20s. I know now that allot of it was caused by MYSELF when pursuing them and that you can’t force love from someone. I have been in a relationship for 3 years and in the beginning he treated me so good, like no one has ever treated me before but I was nervous and backed off.. Before him I was only with guys who pretended to be friends to be with me without commitment and responsibility for my feelings. We got back together and my boyfriend is still my first real relationship. I have learned alot through our relationship together about how to love, the biggest lesson was you cant force someone to be with you, and I believe he helped me learn how to be more expressive and loving. We are still together and we see each other all the time. He takes me out and doesnt like me spending my own money. Despite all of this he doesn’t seem there emotionally. I have talked to him about his “best girlfriend” who I have not met in 3 years but they still text everyday. As much as I hate this I have gone through his phone. She talks about how she hates her boyfriend and she openly doesn’t like me. She vents to him about how unhappy she is and he gives her the sympathy and understanding that I have always wanted. She has said that I have no personality and I am not pretty. He asked her once why it was that every time he thinks of me he gets angry and every time he’s upset he thinks of her and he’s happy? He asked me to move with him next year yesterday. She actually said to him “does your girlfriend know I’m moving with you?” In a joking way. He invites me over everyday, how can I make him so angry? Why is he asking me to move if he’s so happy talking to her? Alot of times they ask each other what they are doing over the weekend, and she says she might stop by if shes not busy??? How? Im there all the time??? When I bring her up he dismisses it and just calls them friends. I feel like he doesn’t listen to me and he doesn’t understand how much it hurts me. He doesn’t talk when I try to come to a compromise or understanding and sometimes gets angry, and coming from my abusive past I let go really quick. I tried so hard to be strong and just focus on myself and it has done so much good for me. But it seems like no matter what I do she doesn’t go anywhere. She is a secret and he makes no efforts to change the situation. And I am keeping secrets by going through his phone and not telling him how much Ive seen. I am heartbroken from all the years of being treated like second best. I want to work it out but he keeps ignoring it and looking the other way. They only text so I don’t know if i am being too sensitive but the energy that they give to each other must be pulling at him.. and my self esteem.

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 8:32am

  303. 303: BelleNo Gravatar says:


    Daria I hear where you are coming from.
    From here it doesn’t feel like pushing, it feels like dress-up, make-believe, tea party, having fun in front of the mirror.
    My intention was to uplift and inspire, not push against, my bad…I’m laughing and shaking my head, I crack myself up sometimes with my fails.
    (((daria’s little girl)))
    (((belle’s infinite ability end up with the exact opposite effect intended)))

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 8:41am

  304. 304: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    295 wow lillibee!!
    You are strong! I hope it works out.
    Wow I didn’t realize it was D who really wanted that. Picturing myself in that situation I probably would have opted to stay home and not go at all after that. You still went and had a good time wow you are amazing. Dont know if I could do that.

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 8:42am

  305. 305: ReceivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    @288 Memulo

    You already expressed your dislike in a text, right?

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 8:44am

  306. 306: TereanaNo Gravatar says:

    Belle – I loved your rant/riff/rage/splurge in #12. That was so beautiful. So heart wrenching and powerful and deep. Most people haven’t to deal with what you’ve been through. It wasn’t your fault. But it must have hurt so much to leave your son with another person at three days. that is way too soon, for you, as much as for him. I know that you’ve showed up for him in other ways. You showed up by going to school and making a life for yourself. You didn’t give him up. Your a good mama. And all the feelings that you have are showing that. I can tell. (((belle)))

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 8:45am

  307. 307: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    I talked to D on the phone right before I hit “Submit comment” on my last post.

    I said “If me sitting in the back seat made your son feel important and wanted, and if that’s what changed his attitude into him wanting to be with us, than I feel really happy to have sit in the back.
    That’s probably what you wanted to accomplish.
    But I still feel triggered, I still feel unimportant to you.
    There is always something or someone more important.
    Every time an issue that’s keeping you from me is resolved, it is replaced by something else.”

    He said “I have to finish polishing the car, I’ll call you when I’m finished. It’s still early in the day, I’ll have time to be with you. I’ll call you as soon as I’m finished, we can do something together.”

    I replied “I won’t always be here waiting.”

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 8:45am

  308. 308: ReceivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    @299 Memulo

    I’m confused. I don’t have to do what with my guy?

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 8:48am

  309. 309: DariaNo Gravatar says:


    thank babe. i hear you. and actually i’ve been practicing.

    thats an awesome way of healing… i want a practice partner, do you have Skype? if so maybe you can help me if you want to, email me and we can connect on it

    im still getting all shooke up and nauseaus and thrown off trying it in my head by myself. but WAYYY less than before the EFT.

    i have this trauma of ‘having to’ show up to ‘talk’ to my parents, knowing im gonna be beaten

    so of course i don’t want to


    it would feel great to have someone to practice scripting this with

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 8:49am

  310. 310: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    also i feel sad and really relate to having the exact opposite effect of intended


    and also happy to relate and kinda curious and marvely hearing that coming from outside of me

    i feel Loved and connected and loving



    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 8:51am

  311. 311: ReceivingGirlNo Gravatar says:


    Does his response mean he would rather discuss in person?

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 8:51am

  312. 312: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i feel trust!

    i feel ‘best friend’ feelings!

    i feel afraid and ashamed!

    i feel happy and laughy!

    i feel curious and nervous!

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 8:52am

  313. 313: baby stepsNo Gravatar says:

    Memulo 226 – I haven’t considered CDing with a guy cos I don’t have any suitors. I also dont feel ‘right’ seeing anither guy right now. I’m playing to CD with gfs. Went out 2x with them this week.

    I would be really curious if a guy sees me only on a weekday. Does he call you during the weekends?

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 8:53am

  314. 314: BrandylionNo Gravatar says:

    Okay Sirens, I need help crafting a feeling message.

    I agreed to meet a man on Tuesday. He is one to whom I’d already expressed that I prefer weekend dates; he didn’t poof after all. He wasn’t available this weekend and the next weekend I will be in town is the 29th-30th–and it seems ridiculous to schedule a date two weeks in advance, especially with someone I have no interest in carrying on an email conversation with for that long–so I told him I’d go ahead and fit him in. He suggested that, because I sound very busy, we just meet for coffee. The place he suggested is a 20 minute drive away from home if there is no traffic.

    I have to stay at school until 4 and I have a half-hour drive home, and then I need to walk my dog, so the earliest I could meet him is 5:30. I need to run that night, and a 3-mile run plus stretch and shower takes me about an hour. I’d also rather not run on a full stomach. Or, if he’s willing to come out close to my school, I could meet him at a coffee shop there.

    How do I convey to him in a soft, feminine way, that if I am going to fit in a date on a school night, it needs to be for dinner? Or, how do I convey that it it needs to be somewhere close to school or close to home?

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 8:54am

  315. 315: baby stepsNo Gravatar says:

    RG – no calls, not answering my one call, messages in reply to me with variations of busy. In the time we have been together, he has never been this busy.

    It really doesn’t take much time to type an endearment in a message nor call.

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 8:56am

  316. 316: baby stepsNo Gravatar says:

    233 goddess lily :) let’s practice positive vibes and loa together.

    The universe delivered to you really quickly!

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 9:00am

  317. 317: ReceivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    I feel blah today. Didn’t sleep very well. I had a dream that my friend who died came to see me last night. We weren’t close enough for that to be true.

    He ran into my bedroom and laid next to me in bed. I was scared and I told him, no, he had to leave. He told me it was ok. He was all chipper and smiling like usual. I asked him what happened and why. He talked about having a father who didn’t love him. (I have no idea anything about his father). Then, I asked why he didn’t talk to someone and get some help. He said, there’s no need to burden anyone with my idiosyncrisies. Then, he smiled and left.

    I woke up thinking, this dream is coming from my mind, why on earth did he use the word idiosyncrisies? I never use that word in my vocabulary. It all felt very real.

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 9:00am

  318. 318: TereanaNo Gravatar says:

    Jessie – wow! What a harrowing story! I can’t even believe you’ve had to go through all that. You are one very strong woman. And I also can’t believe that your son’s dad still gets to visit him after all that. I know that it’s good for kids to have both parents in the picture. But when one is literally trying to steal/kidnap the child, that just doesn’t seem healthy. It sounds to me almost like a restraining order might be more appropriate. But then, I am not in your situation. I don’t know all the details. But obviously, you don’t trust the guy, because you can’t. If not a restraining order, then at least chaperoned visitations. Seems to me the dad should not be alone with your son for a second. Your poor little guy! :-(

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 9:05am

  319. 319: ReceivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    @314 baby steps

    Yes, I agree, and I said those same words before. It’s takes 2 seconds to send a text.

    I think the best action is to do for you, lean back and let him come to you. Yes, there is a risk that he won’t, but then, in the end, that could be what is best for you. Or, he may step up and make you feel important to him.

    I’m sorry you are going through this. This is nothing like yours in relation to time, but I dated a guy who was very busy and things just weren’t going right for him. The more I tried to talk to him after he said how busy he was, the more I pushed him away.

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 9:05am

  320. 320: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    Actually Daria in re 297, I agree with you. We are not by nature anything but pure love. The rest we learn.

    So I want to rephrase what I wrote. I already did.


    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 9:24am

  321. 321: Memulo says:


    Yes I expressed it in text that I wasn’t happy. But if I continue not to act on it who will pay attention to my words?

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 9:36am

  322. 322: TereanaNo Gravatar says:

    RG – that is a cool dream. I love those :-)

    And yeah, it was super awkward when I talked to vman the other day. But then, he said it was awkward for him, too. I chose to believe him, even though it felt bad in the moment.

    But speaking of dreams, one thing that’s come up is that I had a really intense rape dream the other night. It came out of nowhere and it was really scary.

    In the morning, we talked about it. And it was really hard to say what I had dreamed. It felt so powerful and real, like more than a dream. But then he kept telling me that dreams are not real, it’s just firing neurons, and not to worry about it. I know he was trying to comfort me, but instead it felt dismissive, and I got annoyed. The dream was so intense I cried for a full 15 minutes after I woke up.

    So that was the beginning of the awkwardness for us. He texted me later that day. And he checked on with me on Friday. But overall, it feels that he has abandoned me.

    Once again, when I am in a place that feels so difficult to me, and I could just use a kind word of support, or a check-in, or an “are you ok?” nothing.

    It’s like this dark place that he just can’t face, accept, or even acknowledge. And it’s the one place in me that I feels needs real acceptance in order for me to be fully “present.”

    Maybe this is a sign that *i* haven’t fully accepted this part of me. But I also don’t know what it is I am supposed to accept. Was I violated? Was I abused? How can I accept what I can’t and don’t remember?

    The only people who support me and validate me in this are women – and especially women who have been abused themselves. That feels good. It feels like a beginning.

    I would love for a man to be able to accept this.

    But maybe that’s not something any man can do. Even – or especially a man who cares about me. Because he needs and wants me to be happy. But there is something there that is not happy. And I don’t even know what it is.

    I feel sad and alone :-(

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 9:39am

  323. 323: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Brandylion – “oh i feel excited to meet you… im feeling busy but im def available to meet at {location} in the evening at { times} . what do you think?”

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 9:39am

  324. 324: MissStixNo Gravatar says:

    Fought with Jay last night after my aunts party. Packed up my stuff to go. after I was done he asked me to stay, and I was exhausted so I did. Had a serious talk this morning about…Everything. Goals, don’t wants etc etc. I’m too tired to get into it I guess. But it’s all up in the air. The one thing I know for sure is, I am moving all my stuff back home.

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 9:40am

  325. 325: Memulo says:


    Sorry, I meant that you don’t have to CD with your guy.

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 9:40am

  326. 326: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    ((((Dominque)))) do butterflies have hearts? im thinking of them for you

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 9:43am

  327. 327: BelleNo Gravatar says:


    I feel giggly and champagne bubbly and all full of dark sparkles like when the red tide comes in at night :)

    I do have Skype and would love to play!
    Email me and we’ll set up something.

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 9:44am

  328. 328: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    (((((Miss Stix)))))

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 9:44am

  329. 329: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Belle – yay!!!! thanks!!!!

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 9:44am

  330. 330: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Receiving girl – when my friends have died, they have often came and talked to me very powerfully. sometimes my friends and i saw them all at the same time.

    one of my friends actually came and had SEX with me after he died. lol

    i love him.

    he’s been my close spirit friend ever since

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 9:47am

  331. 331: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Babysteps – it sounds like there may be someone else. this doesn’t sound ok. id take care of myself big time, if possible do something dramatically awesome so that i can really take a big step away and out into my passions. maybe take a trip, enroll in a thrilling new class, change my hair do drastically, or even go out on a date.

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 9:50am

  332. 332: Memulo says:

    Baby Steps,

    We did go to a beach last Sunday, just in the evening he wasn’t available. On Sat nights he is now not available because he is exhausted and stressed out after his day with the child.

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 9:51am

  333. 333: BelleNo Gravatar says:



    I feel gratitude, compassion and validation. Thank you for your response. I also feel humility, which feels like a big dark expansive space in my torso.

    I’m almost even believing that everything in the whole history of the universe and every bad thing that ever happened isn’t personally my fault :)
    It’s also good to see that it is possible to feel good about my choices and forgive myself for being so…HUMAN!

    As for your dream…if it were my dream I would wonder, “Where am I violating my boundaries and ‘raping’ myself in waking life?”
    I would also probably dialogue with the ‘rapist’ and ask him what he wants, what he needs, and what feelings he will get by having his needs met. Then turn myself into a magical elixir with the essence of all of those feelings and feed myself to him.

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 9:59am

  334. 334: Memulo says:

    Baby Steps,

    I feel so sorry, but I agree with Daria. Can you do something for yourself, anything. I don’t think that if a man is avoiding you we should try to reach out to him.

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 9:59am

  335. 335: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:



    I take his response only as he will do the strict minimum to keep me around.
    Not that he doesn’t really want me, or that I’m not the one.
    He told everyone in his family, while I was not there, that I was the one for him, and that he didn’t want anyone else.

    He may simply not be able to do ‘intimacy’ or ‘real relationship’.

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 10:02am

  336. 336: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:

    (((Lilibee))) I know exactly the feeling…

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 10:04am

  337. 337: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    I don’t know Daria, but the way I prefer to look at this is that all living creatures have “hearts” and feelings, and they all fill me up in some way. Even the “ugly” creatures are beautiful. It feels sad that butterflies only live two weeks or so, yet this is all they know, so I suppose it doesn’t feel sad to them.

    Thank you for sending me some. :)


    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 10:05am

  338. 338: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:


    Take it from me and my similar experience, his son will ALWAYS have first place, he will always try to put his son first, and I believe this is because they feel guilty about the separation. It is something that you would have to accept with love for this to work.

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 10:05am

  339. 339: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:

    Memulo @332,

    I am wondering if he somehow he thinks he has to continuously ‘entertain’ you and go out and spend money on you for you to be together. Do you sometimes spend time just at home relaxing together and doing nothing?

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 10:08am

  340. 340: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:


    Baby steps,

    I’m where you are alot.

    When I lean way back and disappear off his radar, he panics and reaches out.

    Right now, I’m trying to keep myself busy focusing on myself.
    I am getting my own stuff done here at home for me.
    I haven’t felt motivated to do so in a long time.
    This motivation feels great :)

    It feels so good to be focused on me.

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 10:09am

  341. 341: SassyNo Gravatar says:

    Where are y’all?????

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 10:13am

  342. 342: SassyNo Gravatar says:


    It sounds like you want to be his top priority, but are just not in that spot.
    What do you think?

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 10:14am

  343. 343: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:


    I know I have to accept that SA.

    It feels great that he includes me in all his weekend plans, even with his son.
    I felt happy that we were all 3 together yesterday, and he finally came to visit the family.

    I still need intimacy throughout all this.
    Not one night since vacation 3 weeks ago.
    And on vacation, he wasn’t ‘present’ in the moment, his mind was off in his own world.
    He wasn’t there with me.

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 10:15am

  344. 344: SassyNo Gravatar says:

    ((((miss stix))))

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 10:17am

  345. 345: Memulo says:


    This is exactly what I suggested we do on Sat night. I said I can cook dinner, you will come over, we will relax and sit by TV. He first said: we can do that. Then after I left and texted that I feel excluded with respect to the holidays he said his arrangement with the child is very stressful. Then he just disappeared. I actually thought about cooking dinner last night but then didn’t.

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 10:21am

  346. 346: SassyNo Gravatar says:



    This sounds like an imaginary relationship. Lean back and take care of you. I’m sure you’ve read this many times here, and I know it feels different when it comes down to your own situation, but if he wants to be with you, you will have to set the boundary with him regarding his “friend”.

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 10:22am

  347. 347: TamNo Gravatar says:

    (((( Miss Stix))))

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 10:25am

  348. 348: Memulo says:


    Maybe it’s my self- esteem but I would actually take the back seat without an extra thought , happy fort two of them to be together and I wouldn’t think of the child as spoiled or wanting too much. I would think it’s his right to be as close to his father as possible and may have volunteered even to sit in the back.

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 10:26am

  349. 349: BrandylionNo Gravatar says:

    But Daria, isn’t suggesting a place and time being in masculine energy?

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 10:27am

  350. 350: Memulo says:


    I was wondering when we can get to the point that we just come home to each other and do nothing. Do you remember how/when it started happening for you?

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 10:29am

  351. 351: BrandylionNo Gravatar says:

    I want to go back and find that ideal partner visualization that Rori posted back in June or July and do it. But I’ve realized something–I have no idea how it feels to feel really, truly LOVED by another person, and wasn’t calling up that feeling part of the visualization?

    For those of you who do know how that feels, how does it compare to feeling loved by yourself? I know I don’t love myself and rarely feel good about me anymore (maybe once or twice a day, if that), but I can at least call up those moments when I do to get an idea of how it feels to be loved by another if it’s at all similar…

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 10:36am

  352. 352: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    I just bawled my eyes out to my aunt who told me there are very few good men out there at my age. She did not mean to hurt me but it felt awful to hear it. She is old fashioned and that is her belief and I don’t have to accept it.
    Still feeling teary and choking in my throat. My head feels spinny.

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 10:40am

  353. 353: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    whoa… tapping on heart chakra and this is some deep sh(t

    if we were all that hard we wouldn’t be running from the police at all. or lying.

    but we’re not, and it feels shaking of self esteem so we take it out on each other

    and show each other how powerful we are

    to heal our self from this trauma

    of betraying ourselves and our belief in safety

    cuz it doesn’t feel safe

    and it’s ok to get out the way of a crazy violent person acting out in pain


    im gonna run some more tapping rounds

    my mind feels kinda sploshing around unsettled

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 10:46am

  354. 354: TereanaNo Gravatar says:

    Actually, in a weird way, it’s been almost a welcome relief not to hear south from vman for a few days. There’s been a lot, and it’s been really intense. I don’t know why he does it. But if he always abandons me at this crucial juncture, then his could I ever enter a real, actual relationship with him? Before, when we were actually dating, he promised he would “be there” when it came up for me. And he wasn’t. Not onlu that, he left me exactly then.

    I think that that is all I need to know, when evaluating his character.

    The only reason my attraction for him has become purely physical is that I have no more emotional attraction for him. Which means, I really don’t want him at all.

    I don’t need to throw myself at him. I need to run – run, run, run. As far and as fast as I can in another direction.

    Thank goodness I decided to go out last night and do something fun. I had 3 CDs in one night! First, I skyped with CB (Chicago boy). Then I went out to a show, where a cool, cute guy started talking to me. He invited me to hang out with his friends, and bought me a drink. Then I went and spent the night with SYG, because he lived near the place, and he invited me to stay.

    I think Siren Tereana has plenty of options, and men everywhere appreciate me and see my value. Just because this one guy is a blinking idiot doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with me. Lol. I am so totally okay : )

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 10:47am

  355. 355: sunshineNo Gravatar says:

    302 Cblove hi! I read your post and wanted to tell you I can relate to your situation and that feeling of suspicion between your guy and the girl. I even felt angry thinking about them…I feel angry when I think of guys who juggle amongst women even if its just in their thoughts. Anyway, keep practicing feeling messages and embracing all your feelings I hope you find encouragement in roris posts:) Rori would say to circular date, that could mean everything from dating other men or if thats too much right now even just dating yourself, finding passion and activities you enjoy, making new friends, and pampering:) For me right now I have taken a total break from dating until i feel ready again, so Im focusing on school, and eating healthier, etc.

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 10:47am

  356. 356: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Brandylion – no that’s not part of it. Just visualize what you would want.

    I didn’t know at first either, so i just stole Rori’s ideas of what she wanted. lol :)

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 10:47am

  357. 357: TereanaNo Gravatar says:

    South = “so much”

    Phone typing…

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 10:48am

  358. 358: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Brandylion – no, this is not suggesting, this is giving your availability.

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 10:48am

  359. 359: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    if you had more availability then that, then yes it woudl be suggesting. But here you’re just saying when you’re free (and where you feel comfortable to meet for a first time)

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 10:49am

  360. 360: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Hm. Brandylion. You made me think. The last time I really felt loved was when a man who never cooks, lovingly and with detail to attention made a meal for me. The food was ‘adventurous’ but it oozed with love.
    Oh yeah, and when I got my head stroked and was held like a baby all night, no sex, that felt like pure love….
    I don’t think about when I love myself, but
    quite often after a run, when I had a shower and feel good and see my toned little body – I think ‘yeah, you’re kind of alright girly’ 😉

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 10:53am

  361. 361: TereanaNo Gravatar says:

    Brandylion, 351 – I’m not sure I know the answer myself, but how do you imagine it would feel?

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 10:53am

  362. 362: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Dominique – hehe yes i feel quite certain they have FEELINGS hehe :) lol. even rocks and thoughts and clouds and computers have feelings :)

    I love you my computer Goddess best friend!

    i am feeling curious still if butterflies had a they have a physical heart congregation, either way, it would feel fun to draw them some

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 10:54am

  363. 363: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    hey that means “governement’ has feelings! and even “wars” have feelings awwww



    ouch i feel your pain Goddesses!!!

    itd feel great to have some divine healing to all of us

    i feel open to it and to our transformation!

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 10:55am

  364. 364: BrandylionNo Gravatar says:

    And also, Sirens:

    I have it in my budget to purchase another of Rori’s programs. I am leaning toward Love Scripts for Dating. I already have Modern Siren and Targeting Mr. Right, and Heart Connection Tool Kit will be delivered tomorrow (a belated graduation present to me for finishing my master’s this summer–my diploma arrived on Friday!!).

    If not Love Scripts, would you recommend Commitment Blueprint or Reconnect Your Relationship? For those of you who have them, which have you found most beneficial?

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 10:57am

  365. 365: TamNo Gravatar says:

    I feel stronger today.
    I want relationship.
    I don’t want dilly dallying and fwb. At all.
    I am high value…so it’s all about what the man brings to the table.
    Right now I don’t feel to waste time on perfecting my script… I have better things to do. We will see what I feel like when he contacts me. I get to choose what to do, and what feels good to me.
    I feel a little shift. Aaah.

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 10:59am

  366. 366: ReceivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    @321 Tereana

    That is an awful dream to have. I’ve had scary dreams before, but I usually wake up before anything bad happens. I would be freaked out by that too!

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 11:14am

  367. 367: ReceivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    @321 Memulo

    I understand where you are coming from, but if you keep repeating yourself…what will that be like? Will it get you any further?

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 11:17am

  368. 368: ReceivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    @325 Memulo

    Right now, I don’t feel I have to. I feel he is all about being with me, pleasing me, taking care of me, etc. But, does that mean I shouldn’t? I’m sure many sirens here would say I should. Between work, school, spending time with Mr. Observant and taking care of my house and yard, I don’t have much time at all. I signed up for this art business e-course that starts today. I’m excited about that. I’ve been feeling really stressed about everything being so much…overwhelmed with life at the moment.

    However, I don’t know what the future holds. I hope this weekend went off without a hitch for him with the kids. I hope when Jabber picks them up today, it is uneventful. I do have a feeling she’s being overly nice for a reason. That reason may be to get him back and stop the divorce. I don’t believe he would ever agree to do that, but there is always that chance and until it’s final, it will be there and that would be his decision to make.

    Yesterday, I text him about the death and he was in shock too. He said, We need to live every day like it’s our last. He didn’t text me goodnight, which he always does (except for once or twice when he fell asleep), so my insecurities are creeping up on me a little.

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 11:28am

  369. 369: ReceivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    @330 Daria

    That is nice. It’s nice to experience that after death, but it also scares me. So, you don’t think it’s just your own imagination and that they are actually there in spirit?

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 11:31am

  370. 370: ReceivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    @335 Lilibee

    I guess I don’t understand, if he believes you’re his one, then why only put in the minimum? Why not go all out, so that these issues don’t arise? Wouldn’t that be easier? Or maybe he enjoys the issues?

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 11:37am

  371. 371: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    LiliBee my thinking is “it is just a seat”. Why equate your value with it or create thinking around it that is negative? It meant something to the child that created a change in his behavior. Does it mean that you being triggered is relative to your emotional maturity being at the same level as the child’s?

    I am struggling to see this as bad behavior on D’s part. Maybe just sharing what memory sitting in the back seat brought back up for you and let him know what you will choose to do next time.

    It just feels sad to me to be equating it with not being treated like a Queen. Also wouldn’t the Queen be seated in the backseat of a chaffeur driven vehicle? I am wondering if these experiences can be turned around and be given a positive spin, even after noticing how you feel. Like making up a playful story. I feel like I am demoted from first place being asked to sit in the back seat but I will just pretend that I am royalty being chauffeur driven. I don’t think there is anything wrong with looking for the bright side and making up stories.

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 12:05pm

  372. 372: Memulo says:

    Omg he texted me that he just woke up. What do I say? I went alone to check out art galleries

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 12:06pm

  373. 373: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    RE 307 LiliBee that was just him telling you he can’t focus on two things at the same time. Timing is important with men. These types of things tell us cdating is important because it takes the pressure off the guys. Him wanting to finish his car has nothing to do with how he feels about you or whether he thought the conversation is not important. This is not a new guy or new relationship so I don’t believe it is reasonable to expect that he is going to drop everything to run at your every beck and call.

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 12:11pm

  374. 374: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Did he ask you anything?

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 12:11pm

  375. 375: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Tam, so I was thinking not to send anything before you go. It feels this situation is using up a lot of your energy. I love what you wrote in post 365, this is exactly my reasons why. I would maybe put him on the back of your horse and make your move to Florida about you! Therefore not getting sucked in on mancrack…
    Also from what I have experienced in the last few days, giving the no friends speech feels better for me done in the presence of the other person rather than via email. You never know where he is or what mood he is in when he opens the email. I believe the no friends speech is best said in the ‘moment’ when it’s an appropriate time. If it arises.
    What do you feel about this?

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 12:12pm

  376. 376: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    How about how alive and vibrant you feel out in the beautiful weather and enjoying the exhibits.

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 12:13pm

  377. 377: CbloveNo Gravatar says:

    Sassy and Sunshine,

    Thank you so much for responding. It has been very difficult for me lately. I am trying to practice CD with myself. I know I would not be able to date other people at this point. I have been practicing feeling messages as well and it has been working! When I talk about how I feel about their friendship, instead of being defensive, he lets me say what I need to say without being angry! BUT I still dont think he agrees with me. I know I will need to set a boundry in order for us to move forward. I am also thinking that maybe I just need to be by myself and work on myself and let him do what he wants to do. It would hurt alot to have to break it off with him. I also need to think about whether I can trust him long term regardless of this current “friend.” He talks alot about his trust issues but doesnt seem to be too concerned about mine..

    I just want to feel safe, sexy, loved, adored, special, cared for. I guess ill have to start with me..

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 12:17pm

  378. 378: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Cblove yes it starts with you. A few articles ago Rori posted her affirmations that included some of those. Since I started saying them to myself “I feel sexual, sensual, successful and satisfied” I find I truly feel more and more like that each day.

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 12:22pm

  379. 379: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:


    Yes, I agree FW.

    I got to the better feeling thoughts, and did come to feeling positive about his working, about his cars, about his son, about the backseat.
    All of these individual things and events.

    But overall, when has he reserved or planned special time alone with me?

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 12:25pm

  380. 380: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Receiving Girl – i trust my ‘imagination’ but yes i think its also real, because i’ve seen the same thing as other people.

    One time my godson’s mom and i were chillinin her room, and all of a sudden it felt like BAM and i looked in the doorway and i saw Ronnie there, in outline. It was him! and also i felt kinda like a gong struck or something like in a movie, just this feeling of shock went all thru me

    i looked at her, and her eyes were wide and she looked in shock.

    so i ask her, did you see something ?

    and shes nodding and shes like uhuh

    and im like, me too. waht did you see?

    shes like … i saw Ronnie there.

    and im like…

    yeah me too.

    and i feel chills just typing this.

    Theres was another similar moment when my grandma died, so those were my first times it was ‘confirmed’ that it translated into this reality.

    now i usually trust my ‘imagination’ and intuition whcih is pretty much what dealing with spirit world is like.

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 12:25pm

  381. 381: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    Annie – I am SO feeling you at the moment in re having words being selectively read and then misinterpreted.

    Hugs to you. Hugs to me. sigh


    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 12:25pm

  382. 382: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Smile, I feel quite touched that you thought about my situation and wrote so much :)

    You know, I actually agree with you. It is more my fear that wants to lay down the rules before I get there. For the man-crack reason. I know him. He will most likely be on my case and I wanted to make sure I don’t waste more time getting hung up, rather than CDing and enjoying the move and making it about me.

    It’s tough but I am going to let it rest and lean back for now. And focus on me. I have a tough week ahead with doctors/dentist app. and that takes all my energy.
    I feel like keeping my energy for me and my issues and therefore am inclined to wait, depending…

    But yes, you are right with your analysis and I would advise someone in my situation the same.

    Tempting to get closure but I shall resist!

    Thank you :)

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 12:32pm

  383. 383: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    oh wow i tapped and tapped with the Margaret Lynch video for the 4th chakra, changing to my own words, repeated, till all i got to where she says seein i was doin what i could at the time, always intending well and – i feel giiggly righ tnow – and then i started whimpering and i guess for me thats’ compassion as she says and i feel sooo relieved ohhhhhhhhh mmmmfffffffff

    and now im gonna do the second part the “positive’ tapping weeeeeeeee i feel so excited


    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 12:34pm

  384. 384: TamNo Gravatar says:

    You know, having this fight with my Dad has made me stronger too. I am just fed up with not getting the respect I deserve, generally.
    I know it’s because I did nor respect myself, so I am an easy target.
    I feel angry and sad that *anyone* would even ask such an amazing little goddess like me to be a friends with benefits.
    I deserve guts tripping up over each other throwing rings at me…while I choose the best one.
    I am fed up with accepting less and somehow wishing it magically turns into more.
    If he loses me, too bad for him. He can’t find anyone better than me anyway. That is my belief. And my belief is that he knows it, hence he wouldn’t keep coming back – up to him to catch me, I am moving fast. So
    whatever. :)
    Back on my horse after a few strange days.

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 12:43pm

  385. 385: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Haha… ‘guys’ not guts….phone posting

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 12:44pm

  386. 386: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    Cblove, Rori has a section on the blog about other women in his life, some of these might be of use to your situation.

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 12:48pm

  387. 387: AnnieNo Gravatar says:

    381: Dominique says:

    “Annie – I am SO feeling you at the moment in re having words being selectively read and then misinterpreted.

    Hugs to you. Hugs to me. sigh


    In what way Dominique? hugs back.
    I hope it wasn’t me.
    I don’t want to do that to anyone else.

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 12:49pm

  388. 388: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    YAY TAM! i feel happy and excited for you reading that!

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 12:50pm

  389. 389: Goddess LilyNo Gravatar says:

    @365 Yay Tam!!!

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 12:51pm

  390. 390: DariaNo Gravatar says:


    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 12:52pm

  391. 391: Memulo says:

    I called, he didn’t pick up, I texted asking to call me back. That was half sn hour avo

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 12:53pm

  392. 392: DariaNo Gravatar says:


    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 12:53pm

  393. 393: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    Oh no, Annie, not you or anyone else here. It’s over on a very old four year old thread, a piece I wrote for Rori.


    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 12:53pm

  394. 394: DariaNo Gravatar says:


    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 12:53pm

  395. 395: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    384 go tam! You deserve the best!!

    Being vunerable is my new found skill, saying how I feel in the moment.

    My confidence around this has increased 10 fold by practising in my mind and in the mirror a lot. I use to feel email and text was easier to send them but now I realise how important body language etc is to the situation that you just don’t get via text/email.

    The hardest part is being willing to walk away if they don’t step up, this is where practising no expectations and cdating comes in so you don’t get too disappointed.

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 12:54pm

  396. 396: DariaNo Gravatar says:


    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 12:54pm

  397. 397: ReceivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    @380 Daria

    That is really interesting and I got chills just reading it!

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 12:54pm

  398. 398: Goddess LilyNo Gravatar says:

    Any ideas for free/cheap circular dates to do by myself???

    I’m really good at spending money and if I had a lot of disposable income I would be taking myself for spa treatments and getting my hair done and I would have a ball with that. I wouldn’t even mind going to dinner alone, BUT money is tight right now and I would prefer not to go into debt dating myself.

    Any ideas???

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 12:54pm

  399. 399: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you Daria. :)

    Big hugs to you too. ((((((Daria)))))

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 12:55pm

  400. 400: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Oh Memulo, I feel so glad you’re at least here in this healing place with access to Rori’s wisdom and support from us…

    mmmmmmm so healing and lovely …. you are going to embark on an amazing journey once you start practicing these tools… and I recall you have already started practicing some, indeed I’ve seen some feeling messages, and leaning back, but i feel so excited to see you really step into CDing and leaning back even in thoughts…

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 12:56pm

  401. 401: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    and i made a sexual comment on my social page, and no name CD who became my lover before I came to romania a month ago, made a comment about great sex comes from great love 😉

    aww i feel good and now

    im kinda thinking about it and ‘what it means’ lol and i feel amused and

    i want to lean back still in my thoughts hehehehehehee

    at least its a feel good thing, it’s triggering my fears that he won’t be able to keep up with me as i travel


    i just shifted my belief that the men i date won’t be able to keep up with me as i travel


    i feel so excited

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 12:59pm

  402. 402: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    Memulo, 391, Do you think maybe the call was enough? I feel a little whirring in my tummy reading this.

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 12:59pm

  403. 403: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    Leaning back in my thoughts feels peaceful and quiet

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 1:02pm

  404. 404: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Receiving Girl – cool ! i feel smily it was interesting hehe… and i feel intrigued that i had chills too when i wrote it!

    your story of how your friend connected with you really reminded me of how spirits usually talk to me, so if it was me i feel pretty confident to say it was for real

    if you said he came and did weird stuff, id have felt mistrustful and less inclined to believe it was his spirit

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 1:03pm

  405. 405: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    Dominique, since I’ve started focusing on my feelings more, my body feels more sensitive to everything.

    Some of it feels nice to be aware of but other sensitive feelings are more like having sensitive teeth and it hurts my body. Like today I was newly aware of the vibrations from my car steering wheel, it doesn’t vibrate much but I felt it for the first time. Also I’m more sensitive to noise recently.

    Hmm I wonder if other people have noticed this happening or if it’s not linked? I feel curious?

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 1:07pm

  406. 406: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Goddess Lily – oh yes!

    I take myself to Barnes and Noble and read…

    walks in the park

    oh the loveliest was taking the bus to San Francisco alone, then getting out and walking around in Union Square…

    when i get back to the bay I want to take a bus trip to Marin to the Redwood Trees and smoke mj and meditate in the redwoods

    i want some more ideas too!

    free shows?

    like poetry/live music cafes?

    mmm tailgating at sports games pre game? (and leaving before game lol or sneaking in or scoring free tickets hehe) – ack feels scary

    going to a free bar/dance club and just getting lemon water and chillin

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 1:07pm

  407. 407: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Smile – yes! i have!

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 1:08pm

  408. 408: Goddess LilyNo Gravatar says:

    @302 Cblove,

    That feels the worst. I did that back in college….went through the bf’s phone. Turns out he was venting to his ex about me, having a good time laughing at my expense. To this day, no matter how much I want to know, I do not go through any man’s phone. I figure lies will come to light in due time if there are any. DO NOT move in with him or move with him anywhere. Lean WAAAYYY back. I don’t mean to be harsh but it sounds like you are one of two, and certainly not priority. It really doesn’t matter WHY he keeps you around or wants to move with you. Don’t analyze that, you’ll just make yourself crazy. What matters is that you are not happy. It feels like you are accepting crumbs from him. Take a breather from him for a while. I feel angry thinking about him talking about you like that.

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 1:10pm

  409. 409: Memulo says:

    I texted instead of leaving a VM.

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 1:12pm

  410. 410: Goddess LilyNo Gravatar says:

    @406 Thank you Daria!

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 1:12pm

  411. 411: ReceivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    @404 Daria

    That’s nice to read…it definitely was not weird :)

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 1:14pm

  412. 412: ReceivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    I’ve been fighting negative feelings all day today and keep trying to bring myself back to the positive. Why can’t I stop to begin with?

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 1:16pm

  413. 413: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    Daria, I’m sure this should feel a good thing, being more aware of my feelings more. But sometimes it hurts my body.

    I want heightened awareness of good feelings and and sensations in my body.

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 1:18pm

  414. 414: BelleNo Gravatar says:

    Receiving Girl

    Your post reminded me of this one by Rori:

    Have you ever felt like your heart was just – lumpy, heavy, small? Not depressed, not angry, not “down,” just more like an “ache”?

    When that happens to me, it’s like all I’m sewed up – like an embroidery or needlepoint. It feels like everything’s tight, nothing’s loose, and there’s an edge to every thought. And – what I really notice is I can’t put my finger on the reason for it.

    I’ve figured out a way to make this work FOR me, so try it and let me know if it works for you:

    I started noticing when this feeling comes on that I’ve gotten triggered by something. I might be driving home from an appointment in a neighborhood that holds lots of memories for me – good ones and some weird old ones, or I might have met someone who looks like someone I once knew – doesn’t even have to be someone who once hurt me – all that has to happen is that that person brings back the TIME, long ago, when I felt bad.

    Then I noticed, when I used my Tools and started relaxing parts of my body – shoulders first – a burst of sadness would come through me. You’d think the sadness would feel worse – but it doesn’t – try it yourself. The sadness feels BETTER. It’s like a relief. It’s like you can RECOGNIZE the feeling, even if you don’t know why you’re feeling it.

    And then – here’s the really cool part – instead of going back to that time, or trying to figure out what’s bothering me in my HEAD, I DELIBERATELY continue to TRIGGER MYSELF. That’s right – I make it worse.

    So – if it’s the neighborhood, I’ll drive around, I’ll actually LOOK for triggers, looking to BRING OUT the feelings. I keep letting go of my shoulders and then there’s more sadness. And then I see it’s a bit gray outside…more sadness….

    NOW, I’ll start talking to myself. Try it: Ask questions. Ask, “Okay, what’s going on here?” Perhaps you can put your finger on some things: “I feel nostalgic for an old time, and I’m starting to feel fear, as though I’m running backwards over my life because there’s a wall in front of me and my life’s about to end. I feel a doomsday feeling, where I don’t want to move another minute ahead in time – I just want to go back somewhere safe. Or – I’m thinking about HIM – a man who hurt me.”

    Try to keep it all about FEELINGs, about sensations in your body. Really try to tune into your body instead of trying to THINK it through with your brain. You can get some great help here from my Body Dialogues in my Heart Connection Toolkit – for now just focus in on the physical and the emotional, and steer your thoughts away as you just continually “drop into” your body and your heart.

    Try this today, let me know how this feels to you, and we’ll go further in the next posts…


    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 1:22pm

  415. 415: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    Last week I posted about the intense fear I could feel in my body from a nightmare I was semi conscious to.

    Last night I was looking for some relaxing music to fall asleep to and my google search brought up info on sleep paralysis. I feel fearful this is what I experienced.

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 1:22pm

  416. 416: Goddess LilyNo Gravatar says:

    CDing myself right now Daria!

    Heading to a lavender hot oil bath, candles, wine, and weirdly enough, my favorite sitcom….to be followed by oil and lotion to take care of my skin! I actually feel excited to do this!

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 1:28pm

  417. 417: BelleNo Gravatar says:


    Ohhhh….I LOVE sleep paralysis! It’s a gateway to lucid dreaming!
    I call the feeling “vibration”, and I WISH I could experience that more often! It’s something I have practiced cultivating!!!!

    The most amazing amazing vivid gorgeous lucid dreams I’ve had have been through sleep paralysis!
    So, for me, when I notice it coming on, I *know* there are going to be intense feelings and images, so I ride them out and focus on my heartbeat and know that it will pass after a minute or less, usually. Once it passes, then I roll out of bed and onto the floor but not really, and go explore my dream.

    Check out Ryan Hurd for a different perspective on sleep paralysis:

    I feel a little envious, actually…

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 1:31pm

  418. 418: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    2 or 3 years ago, D wanted me with him every night of the week on top of every weekend.
    His ex was doing everything to bash D in front of their son, trying to prove what a neglectfull father he was.

    I asked D:
    “How would it feel to reserve those 2 nights a week alone with your son so you could bond?
    I don’t mind staying home on those 2 nights.”

    He loved the idea. He was afraid to lose me by even thinking of putting me aside for a single minute.

    It seems that I gave away my space so much these last 3 years, out of fear of intimacy, that’s it has become hard for me to get it back.

    As I’ve been healing so many hangups and hurts from the past, my fear of intimacy has been fading. My desire for intimacy is being fueled more and more.
    The more I heal, the more I want that intimacy.

    Now it seems that D is trying to bring us together as a family, which feels great.

    It’s just difficult to find a balance.
    When do I get the alone bonding time?

    There’s putting his child 1st, and there’s hiding behind his child.

    At 1st, what was keeping me from him was him chasing other women, drinking with the buddies.
    Now that’s resolved, he doesn’t even have to force himself not to.
    He replaced those barriers to intimacy with work.
    When he finally got weekends off and couldn’t hide behind work, he’s hiding behind his son or family parties.

    I see how that’s all about him.
    But I also see, how he constantly transforms as I work on myself and transform myself.

    He has transformed from a distant absent father to a wonderful attentive one.
    He no longer runs away from his son.
    I feel so happy about that.

    I guess I’m pressuring him to evolve as fast as I am.
    Him connecting with his son is already a huge step to healing for him.

    We’re both feeding each our fears of intimacy.
    I have to stop focusing on his, and work on mine 1st.
    Standing for my desire for intimacy as I am now is a good start.

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 1:32pm

  419. 419: ReceivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    @414 Belle

    Thank you.

    I know what my triggers are, but I’m trying not to think about it. I don’t want the Law of Attraction to get me with my negative thoughts :) I’m trying to replace them with positive, but the negatives keep rearing their ugly heads.

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 1:34pm

  420. 420: ReceivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    @415 Smile

    I’ve experienced sleep paralysis and it’s pretty freaky!

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 1:35pm

  421. 421: AnnieNo Gravatar says:


    We can also allow some compassion along with the judgements. If you look more deeply, you would likely see that anyone who causes pain, eg. rapist, abuser, etc. is in deep pain themselves.

    Knowing this helps me ease my judgments (not that they go entirely away all the time), and it also helps me not to feel hate, for harboring hate will hurt me first and foremost, but it may also spill out and hurt others. I don’t want this.

    I hear what you are saying. And understand and believe that pedophiles did not develop remorse so we could say oh they can’t help it because they have a bit missing in their brain. Same with sociopaths. So we could feel sorry for them.
    I understand this on a intellectual level if I Analise it from my brain.
    Now on a different note if one of these people hurt me or my family my emotions would be involved. And I would come from emotional place and the compassionate thing to do for me or my family would be protect myself my family and other people from this character disordered indivdual

    And then I can come from another place which is my soul. And my soul tells me that we are all given free will. And that these people have chosen evil over good.

    One of the key things with these character disordered people is they cannot recognize the harm they have done to the victim and how they have damaged them. They have no empathy with the victim.
    In a way I suppose I am able to empathize with them intellectually and emotionally as I am able to put myself in their shoes.

    On a higher level though my soul says I must protect myself and my family from these individuals as to do nothing is to condone it. Which I would not ever want to do.
    There is no known cure for these individuals to date and they are extremely dangerous.
    So I don’t really know what the answer is

    What do you think?


    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 1:35pm

  422. 422: k2012No Gravatar says:

    He is afraid of commitment Tam. Don’t waste ur time with any man who is afraid of commitment.

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 1:37pm

  423. 423: BelleNo Gravatar says:


    That sounds like a lot of work, trying and fighting…not very LOA.

    I feel curious and wonder if you are wanting to make too big of a vibrational leap from negative to positive instead of babystepping up the ladder?

    I’m asking because it sounds like by “trying” and fighting off the negative thoughts what you are getting is more fighting, instead of the relief I imagine you want.

    What Rori did in the article was shift into acceptance and curiosity, then worked her way back up. I’ve found that works really well for me personally, and the more I practice the more easily I can pivot and do a 180.

    But if what you are doing is working for you, carry on :)

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 1:44pm

  424. 424: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you Daria, Goddess and Smile!! :)

    Smile, I like what you said about being in the moment…and momentarily, I felt turned off by it all…and realised that I will see how I feel in the moment…if I grant him an audition at all. Sometimes I don’t even want to anymore.

    Because right now I feel like: hrmpf…MrP, I am not inspired by your attempts. At all. And I feel bored.

    Also, I believe the fact that I was leaning back with my dad caused him to get super wound up with me and turn all his anger towards me. I believe my Dad sees himself as a failure, otherwise he would have no reason to call me one – I sprung from him after all.
    I’m like: whatever. Get over it already. So you think I am a failure, well you were never there for me when I grew up – what does that make you? Ahaaaaa…ok!! So all good then really. I am a Goddess!! :)

    It’s a case of: ‘sorry but as far as I see you are whiny, angry low quality men around me and you’re attacking me or not stepping up because of your own problems and issues’…. I am just living my life best I can. You can get angry or withdraw or step down all you like, there will be plenty of others who will be nice to me. Kind of: ‘you are the weakest link, goodbye’.
    Fed up of making a silk purse of a sow’s ear really.
    Give me the silk already. I am bored. No more sow’s ears. Thank you kindly!! Ever saw a Goddess trying to work on a sow’s ear? No?? EXACTLY!! Done. Over and out!!

    It’s not that I am not good enough….maybe they are not good enough :) just a case of changing perspective!

    You know, MrP once wrote an email to me ‘we’re done’ (that was it). I was as upset as h*ll. Now sometimes I think, if he ever mentions friends with benefits again, or ‘quasi-relationship’ (the cheek!!) instead of spending days drafting some kind of script, it would perhaps feel really good to just say:
    ‘this feels bad. I AM DONE’.

    Much easier and less effort. Ok Tam, you’re out of the funk of the last few days and back on the horse.
    Thanks for bearing with me :)

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 1:45pm

  425. 425: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    Belle, that felt interesting and intriguing to read thank you.

    Ive only ever experienced it that once but the fear was overwhelming and physically painful.

    In reading, this stood out to me…
    Bring your fear along and it will predictably turn into your worst nightmare. Bring courage, and you can turn it into amazing lucid dreams and unimaginable states of bliss.

    I shall bare this in mind if I experience it again.

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 1:46pm

  426. 426: Goddess LilyNo Gravatar says:


    Those negative thoughts are lies told by lying liars of Liarsville. Tell the lying gremlins to shut up and that you have better things to think about.

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 1:47pm

  427. 427: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Ok, my post is a bit angry and judgmental, but I needed to let it out….going back to my compassionate and sweet little self now.
    But boys, don’t mess with me. 😉

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 1:48pm

  428. 428: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    Even my toenails hurt 

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 1:49pm

  429. 429: AnnieNo Gravatar says:

    Aww Dominque, I know it feels awful when it happens to me.


    I feel suprised it happens as much online as in RL.
    As online at least we are able to read it a few times.
    Where as in real life we actually may actually not have heard all the words or misheard.

    Do you think it is because people have gone into default mode and the amgydila area of the brain has been activated.

    I feel mortified when this happens to me. Inflammatory.

    How do you deal with this?
    Do you ask for the comments to be removed?
    Or let it go?

    What do find is best?

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 1:50pm

  430. 430: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    Tam, it felt strong to me, not angry…

    I love your passion and compassion for your goddess self.

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 1:52pm

  431. 431: TamNo Gravatar says:

    k2012…right on.
    I am not going to.
    I still wouldn’t even go down the route of relationship with MrP unless the marriage was in the woodworks (which is about a fire-engine ladder step too high for the man)…I just don’t accept anything less anymore.
    I feel he is in for a shock when he sees me next.
    I feel strong. I stood up against my Dad and I did it with feeling messages and he could not even look into my eyes because he knew he was wrong and unjust.
    If I can do it with my father, I can stand up to MrP in my sleep. I am going to have him for breakfast. i almost feel sorry for him right now, because he thinks I am still ‘pushover Tam’.
    No no.

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 1:53pm

  432. 432: TamNo Gravatar says:

    430 Thank you Smile, you have inspired me to remember myself and my values again…thank you so much :)

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 1:54pm

  433. 433: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    I feel played. I wonder why he would text all of the sudden that he just woke up and then not va;; me back??

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 2:02pm

  434. 434: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    not call

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 2:02pm

  435. 435: AnnieNo Gravatar says:

    I feel reminiscent re judgment.

    When I was too young to judge and didn’t judge a person of being bad or wrong, someone wanted me to do something and I believe that my soul saved me.
    I did not go into judgment I just new it was wrong.
    No one had ever told me it was wrong I just new deep in my core.

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 2:14pm

  436. 436: StargirlNo Gravatar says:

    Tam, I love the way you phrased it, “you are the weakest link, goodbye.” Nice way to think about it and it cracks me up.

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 2:16pm

  437. 437: CbloveNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you Femininewoman Smile and Goddess!

    I have not taken the time to make affirmations a habit, I need to make time to to that! I do believe that there are allot of great things about me its just hard to remember when im caught up.

    I love this that I just read in the other woman posts, Smile….
    “If you’re angry and resentful – it’s not because of what HE’S doing – it’s because you feel you’re compromising yourself, you feel stuck, you feel like you’re committing too much of your heart and time and energy to him and not getting it in return. It’s very important to “match” a man at the very most. the moment you start doing and feeling MORE – you’re going to feel angry and resentful.”

    Its so truee, I definitely need to take the attention off her and him and just on being happy. I am resentful that I give all my energy and heart to him and he gives some of his to her.. But it is my problem because I do still willingly give more energy when I know its not matching. I will try to stay positive and be more supportive of myself, so I don’t feel so alone.

    Thank you for your response. You are absolutely right, I feel wrong when I look at his phone, my heart starts to race and I feel like I am going against what I believe. It feels bad. And having this knowledge only hurts me and probably makes me act in an unnatural way that im not even fully aware of.. Trying to make him love me enough to let her go has pretty much made me miserable, its true. Because she’s so secret even from his best friends I really will never know either way if he stops talking to her. If I stay I feel like I will only find out when they start to move toward a relationship. I don’t understand how this friendship can last for 3 years with just texting.. I feel like he takes me for granted and holds her on a pedestal. I will lean back alot more to try to save myself from any more hurt.

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 2:16pm

  438. 438: AnnieNo Gravatar says:

    ((((((((Daria )))))))))

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 2:18pm

  439. 439: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    Omg he just called he got us tickets to the service and he is coming to pick me up in less than an hour. i am not ready!!!

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 2:20pm

  440. 440: AnnieNo Gravatar says:

    Hugs Memulo.

    Offering to cook him dinner is leaning forward and being the social director.

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 2:20pm

  441. 441: LuzydelNo Gravatar says:

    I’ve discovered something…well not really discovered, but something like that. Today I was out having a good time with some other people; I observed some of the women with their husbands, wow great men, all I want in a man they were. And I satrted to wonder, well this women are not extraordinarly beautiful, they’re just like any average woman; How do they do it? How did they meet these men? There I am observing, however the answer was very obvious…These women had their own lives, they were happy doing things they love outside of their husbands; They Didn’t CD, or parctice any tool; they simply were happy because they had a passion that they lived for; just for them…

    SO here I am making men a “passion” and forgeting about the things I like and enjoy, My art, My dance, My music, My ability to speak different languages, My Poetry writing, So many things that make me HAPPY!

    This I guess how it happenned to these women…they were happy living their lives and pursuing their passions and one day a man saw the; happy, smiling and they said, I want to be part of that woman happyness!

    Just a Thought :)

    I had a good day today; and it didn’t bother I wasn’t with a man!

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 2:21pm

  442. 442: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Memulo did he ask you to contact him? Take his text as him trying to stay connected, having you on his mind.

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 2:33pm

  443. 443: ReceivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    @423 Belle

    It is a lot of work! :) In these circumstances, it is out of my control. I find that I focus more & worry about things I cannot control, than things I can. When really, it should be the opposite.

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 2:38pm

  444. 444: ReceivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    @426 Goddess Lily

    Thank you! :)

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 2:41pm

  445. 445: ReceivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    Memulo, I’m happy he called you and is taking you out.

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 2:50pm

  446. 446: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:

    Memulo @350,

    I believe it happened somewhere around the 3rd or 4th month to just be together with no outing or anything special planned.

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 3:06pm

  447. 447: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    wow im getting somewhere really ‘deep’ or ‘expansive’ and ‘accepting’

    my mind feels wavy and silent, and i feel ‘moved’ and ‘not quite disturbed not quite confused but both’ mhm

    i feel sleepy and curious to tap on my 6th mind chakra tomorrow



    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 3:23pm

  448. 448: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    Smile – 405 – I feel so excited that you have noticed this. I’m very much into sensitivities, sensations, and how the mind and the emotions are all interconnected. I will cover this at length and in depth on my new video series which I’m currently working on. How to heal more deeply as you become more aware, how to teach your body to release and relax in ways you may not have thought about or even knew about.

    Yes it can feel annoying sometimes, overwhelming, but the nuances of good sensation and how wonderful this feels will far outweigh the “negative”. I choose mot to view this as negative.


    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 3:29pm

  449. 449: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:

    MissStix @324,

    (((MissStix))) I have done that too in the past, packed up to go… oh no… I hope all is ok with you but I have to tell you it has always made M withdraw a few days later… (((MissStix)))

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 3:29pm

  450. 450: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:

    Dominique @448,

    I am feeling smiley and excited about your new videos :-) I want to see them too!!!

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 3:31pm

  451. 451: DariaNo Gravatar says:




    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 3:33pm

  452. 452: DariaNo Gravatar says:



    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 3:36pm

  453. 453: DariaNo Gravatar says:



    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 3:37pm

  454. 454: BelleNo Gravatar says:


    Here are exquisitely gentle, present, loving hands to receive you and bathe you in looooove:

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 3:37pm

  455. 455: DariaNo Gravatar says:





    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 3:38pm

  456. 456: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:

    CBlove @302,

    You are the one giving them way too much energy. Don’t look at his phone and snoop. That is not what you want in a relationship. I disagree a little with what the other Sirens have said to you. Rori says that if they are not right in front of you, then they don’t exist. I would work on my vibe and focus on me and find a passion to pour myself into. Also, use the tools. Do you have Modern Siren or other program? And please, stop giving them your energy. Focus on being present every moment that you are with him. If he is chatting her up by text, then something is missing here or he is immature. in either case, the best you can do is focus on you and on being loving and strong core soft outside and practive practive practice FMs!

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 3:40pm

  457. 457: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:

    Breathe, and let it all out. Tears are transformation and freedom. Bask in your vulnerability.

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 3:42pm

  458. 458: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks Belle… i feeel soothed after that

    thanks Siren Angel… i feel got… i was feeling vulnerable yes

    i feel like im a baby and the earth is carryng me now




    feeling happy and good

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 3:45pm

  459. 459: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    Annie – 421 – I don’t know if there is an answer. Yes there are some who have brain malfunctionings, miswirings, and so they don’t feel things as others might, remorse as an example. Or the notion that what they are about to do is going to hurt another, i.e. a sociopath.

    Protecting yourself is fine though I choose instead not to dwell on these anomalies and focus on things being all well in LOA style.

    Sure things will happen anyway, but the more I’ve lived my life in this way, the less “things” have happened, to in fact not at all, and anything less than good feeling I choose to look at as a healing opportunity.

    Will something truly awful feeling happen again? I don’t know, and I don’t want to think about these things until/unless they come to be.

    For me in my own life, even some very traumatic incidents/events, seeming accidents, I’ve chosen to look at as lessons for me of which to sit up and take notice.

    Did I really attract this into my life? I say yes on some level.

    Do I advocate all look at their lives like this? No not necessarily. For example did Flowerchild attract all that has transpired recently? I want to say no, but really I don’t know.

    BUT I want to be very clear that this is NEVER about blaming, not ever.

    Sometimes some pretty horrible things have to occur before we do pay attention. This has been true for me, and I feel sure I’m not alone.


    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 3:46pm

  460. 460: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:

    Lilibee @265,

    Oh wow… I finally read all your posts (((Lilibee))) I feel curious, I am sure i have already asked, but how old is his son? Also, did he loose the other child a long time ago and how old was that child? I am so sorry to hear this, but I believe you can only come from a place of love and compassion if you don’t want to build resentment, on all sides.


    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 3:56pm

  461. 461: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    Annie – 429 – Actually it’s very rare this happens to me. I guess I’m not the inciting wrath, controversial type, usually.

    Yes I believe that some people will come in with an agenda, and they will see and take in what they want to support this agenda and just not absorb the rest.

    On my own site, it only happened once, and the outpouring of support felt awesome. In the end though I ended up having to block further comments which felt sad to me. It became a beyond rant.

    On this site I think it has only happened two or there times. Again there was an outpouring of support. Since the thread that this is happening on is so old, most people no longer are being alerted to updates.

    It was very sweet and cute actually because RR’s webmaster who is handling all the techy stuff while she’s away (he’s the one who was messing with things on here the other day and who is posting now and then under her name), e-mailed me and asked me if I wanted him to put her into moderation.

    I refused, for she isn’t being outright offensive, and even though she is seeing with a very narrow view, her views are hers and thus valid.

    Does it still hurt and feel frustrating? Yes, some, though it’s rather easy for me now to put it all into perspective and re-balance. It’s does not come naturally though or automatically.

    I don’t know if for us (ultra) sensitives if it ever does.


    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 3:58pm

  462. 462: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    I have another though around all of this. I don’t like to label things as bad or good, wrong or right (though I will use these words sometimes for want of a better feeling word).

    Sometimes things just ARE. In, it is what it is. It may feel bad, but is it wrong? Who is to say what’s wrong? I may not agree with what has been done, but does that make it wrong?

    Yes doing injury on another can be deemed as wrong, but when murder is done on a supposed terrorist, suddenly this is okay? Who is the terrorist here? Who did harm to whom first? Why is the pattern continuing? Things aren’t always black and white as they may appear on the surface.

    Yes doing harm to a child is deemed wrong, and I wold certainly not agree with it, yet chances are the person inflicting the harm had been deeply wounded as a child too. Those who carry on the pattern lose the ability to know what they are doing as hurtful.

    So I don’t have any “answers” here, just things to ponder.

    And Annie in answer to your question in what is best to do, eg. moderate comments or ignore, it really depends. Every situation is different.


    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 4:09pm

  463. 463: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:

    Jessie @229,

    I am feeling heartwrentched reading your story with your son… (((Jessie))) And relieved at the same time that he let you in on his plan to bring him to Lebanon as you can really use that to keep your son with you. Please do take this seriously. i had a similar fear a while back because little one’s dad is now with a French woman but they decided to stay here. And I am feeling so proud for you that you took charge and went to get your son without any delay. Jessie, Bravo to you! xx

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 4:10pm

  464. 464: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:


    Thank You SA.

    Like I wrote in another post.
    There’s putting a child 1st and there’s hiding behind a child.

    I’ve been bouncing around my feelings and I’ve been difficult to follow these days.

    It seems the more I heal my own stuff, and peel away the layers, the more I want intimacy and connection.

    I’m not sure that he’s capable of giving it to me.
    That’s why I’m leaning back right now.

    I called my best friend on it, hiding behind her daughter bc she was scared of intimacy.
    She stopped hiding behind her daughter.
    She negotiated a change in weekends with the father, so she and her man would be without the kids on the same weekend.
    By taking away everything she was hiding behind,
    She got to see what the real core issue was, and is now able to decide without a doubt where to go with this relationship.

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 4:18pm

  465. 465: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    Siren Angel – Oh thank you though it may be awhile. These will be comprehensive, covering all kinds of goddess practices which I encourage to use daily or at least regularly, from skin care (I was a natural skin care professional in another life, still am really, as I make all my own products, using herbs I grow as an integral part) to communication and all kinds of things in between such as mind/body techniques and meditation.

    I’m filming right now which will hopefully be done by the end of October, but then we have editing. Before Christmas? This is my plan.


    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 4:19pm

  466. 466: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    LiliBee I believe you are solidly on your path to where you want to go. Things aren’t always clear but does not mean we can’t keep moving forward in our life.

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 4:22pm

  467. 467: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    So I don’t think the issue is the fact that there ARE indeed available men, but the fact that I’m really scared and I run away from any sign of someone “liking” me…..
    I had this feeling way back in the 6th grade when a boy liked me, i was ….terrified?? I wonder why
    (((6th grade Emerson)))
    I ran away from him after that and I was scared of talking to him. I wonder what’s wrong with meeeeeeeee…………………
    it’s like I kinda feel that way again…..

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 4:24pm

  468. 468: AnnieNo Gravatar says:

    “Did I really attract this into my life? I say yes on some level. ”
    I hear what you are saying re law of attaction and feel in agreement on many levels
    I don’t always believe that is true though Dominque, especially with children.
    They are truly in helpless situations and have not attracted abuse into their lives.
    So I do not accept that children attract pedophiles into their lives for instance.
    And people who have been victims of war crimes etc.

    I believe Rori wrote a thread a while back about how the law of attraction did not always apply and that resonated with me.

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 4:24pm

  469. 469: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Dominique – if i would have written those thoughts, i would now belief shift “it does not come naturally or automatically for me” and see what happens

    maybe it will feel a babystep more natural and automatic from then on, a shift i might enjoy

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 4:26pm

  470. 470: CbloveNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks siren angel

    I know I need to stop. I dont know what it is that is missing here he tells me everythings fine. I think alot of the issue is mine with giving her so much of my attention.

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 4:27pm

  471. 471: AnnieNo Gravatar says:


    “Sometimes things just ARE. In, it is what it is. It may feel bad, but is it wrong? Who is to say what’s wrong? I may not agree with what has been done, but does that make it wrong?”

    I do feel in disagreement here but respect your right to a different opinion.

    To me pedophilia and especially incest are always wrong and my soul knows this it just knows.
    There is not ever any reason it is right.

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 4:29pm

  472. 472: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    Yes Annie, indeed. I agree that this is not a perfect law and across the board by any means.

    Though some might go into past life stuff/karma.

    I’m not wanting to take it this far.

    I don’t think there are any definitive answers.

    There is a lot to be said for, sometimes it just is what it is no matter how horrible and painful.



    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 4:30pm

  473. 473: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    I hear you Annie, and this does get into some slippery slopey stuff.

    No one deserves abuse, NO ONE.

    But I have trouble with judging it, labeling it as right or wrong.

    I work really hard to see beyond the action to the seriously damaged person inside.

    Again I don’t have answers here.


    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 4:34pm

  474. 474: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    Daria – Thank you for this. Yes it can and will become natural feeling and automatic. And it all feels so easy and effortless. :)


    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 4:36pm

  475. 475: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:


    I’m also leaning back coz I put too much pressure on him to have what I want.

    He’s been keeping busy today doing his yardwork, taking care of his cars.
    He called me to check up on me.

    We got into the conversation again.
    I wasn’t totally sireny.

    He said it’s hard to get all the housework done alone, there’s so much to do, he feels overwhelmed.
    He also said he needed to work alot to pay for everything alone.
    I said “I would see myself with you, doing the housework together. I really enjoy that teamwork.
    There are so many wonderful things about you that make me feel good to be with you.
    But I feel doubtful bc I don’t want it to be a business transaction where we simply share expenses and housework.
    I want a real connected relationship.
    I don’t feel safe that having me to share expenses and housework would free time for our intimacy.
    When it’s not working or chores, it’s something else.
    One barrier to our intimacy is fixed, and it’s immediately replaced by another.”

    He finally expressed himself.
    He said he wants a real connected relationship too.
    He said that he needed time to think.

    I’m laying off the pressure totally, leaning way way back.

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 4:38pm

  476. 476: ReceivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    Maybe part of my problem today is lack of sleep. I thought I would’ve heard from Mr. Observant by now. His kids went home 2.5 hours ago. Maybe he needed a nap from his exciting weekend. He usually takes naps every day, but probably didn’t get one this past 3 days. I feel excited to hear how everything went.

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 4:39pm

  477. 477: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:

    FW @145,

    I am just catching up, latest comments up, that is an interesting thought and something that has been on my mind a lot.
    “Siren Angel I would not judge him as a selfish man or neglectful father. Pulling aways seems to be a pattern in his life. Maybe his rhythmic life slow. Would you be comfortable accepting him as is? Likely he would not change for you or any other woman. But some women would be okay with his pattern. It might be something he needs to feel whole in himself. His pair bonding hormone level could be low.”

    I feel curious about the pair bonding hormone. I do sense he needs ‘off’ time a lot. I am not sure how to handle these ‘off’ times without him going into radical ‘break up mode’. If I had the answer to avoid that extreme, I wouldn’t otherwise mind the occasional ‘off’ mode as we are usually intensely connected. I suppose I tend to panic a little when he goes to ‘off’ and that the pressure is too much for him. I am wondering if there is a better way for me to react that would make these moments not go into extremes. If I could see them coming without panicking, it would be key.

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 4:39pm

  478. 478: AnnieNo Gravatar says:


    “But how do I express wanting ‘my place’ without coming off as resentful or jealous?
    Without coming off as I want to come in 1st before his son, and that I don’t want to share D?!

    I believe for relationships to flourish and be kept alive they all need one to one time.
    So he will need one to one with his son
    You will need one to one time with him.
    And you will need one to one time with his son to devlop a relationship and in order to do this.

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 4:42pm

  479. 479: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    I’m feeling “homesick” for my old job and my old apartment and my old self….I feel unable to reconstruct things fast enough…I’m doing all I can to work work work…and it’s like I”m not getting anywhere. How can this be?

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 4:47pm

  480. 480: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    Lilibee I feel proud of you for being true to yourself and even if you felt you were not totally sireney…I feel you did stay true to yourself so that means a lot. Lots of courage on your part. Phew wow. I’ve been in your position. It hurts and feels strange. I don’t know.. I am thinking you’re doing great actually.

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 4:50pm

  481. 481: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:


    A thought just crossed my mind, you are on the right path and you are making my current situation clearer too at the same time. M used to pull away and go back on dating sites, this time he is ‘using’ (I don’t really like the word in this context) the kids to pull away. D seems to have used other women in the past too, his buddies and now his son. I would let D pull away slightly ‘hiding’ behind his son this time (or using that excuse, maybe even triggering or testing you on purpose with the car seat thing).

    In any case, I see a clear evolution on both these men’s parts as they are at least not going the ‘other women’ scenario. A clear improvement and certainly a more connected and ‘healthy’ way to pull away.

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 4:51pm

  482. 482: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    I’m feelng very fragmented and not sure how to express myself. I feel unsure and weird when I write. Like nobody would want to read what i say. I go over the same stuff time and time again so do I ever learn? My friend is moving in with her boyfriend this weekend and I feel JEALOUS and happy for her too.
    I want that. I want to move in with a guy. I really do. I want to be married but that’s a given. I would move in before hand probably because I want to.

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 4:52pm

  483. 483: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    im ready to create a sharing space to pour into and out of

    i will have tabs for

    healing movement – t-tapp, body tissue lengthening, bellydance, qi gong, breathing, marrow washing, body shaping, spirit dancing, tai chi stances, flamenco, twerk

    intuitive nourishment – food, herbal drinks, smokes, ointments, baths,

    belief shifting – hook line and sinker, part of my being, elegua’s doorways

    emotional therapy – EFT, riffing

    spirit living – magic, spirits, awareness, nature connect, goddess wisdom, otherworld creation

    meditation – self hypnosis, ham sah,

    energy – donna eden energy movements, midline adjustments, body grid – maybe this will combine into movements and meditations

    body therapies – cold water therapy, skin brushing, hair brushing / cutting, skin regeneration, lymphatic massage,

    medicine – special powerful fast cures – medications/supplements, Donna eden, healing diets, fertility power herbs, gadgets, An Tz Lin sound healing, seaweeds, powerful healer referrals

    environment – radiation transformers, colors, intuitive feng shui

    communication – feminine-masculine energy, soul singing, feeling based communication, respectful mindful relationship

    fashion – goddess dressing, cultural inspirations, personalizing, healthy footwear, organic clothing

    wow i feel pleased with this so far!

    thank you Daria, you are lovely

    all wisdom is offered free :) donations and gifts are welcome

    i feel open and desiring of rising $ number support in my Paypal account, to support creation of this space (online part) … the address is



    feeling lovely

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 4:57pm

  484. 484: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:



    Your words feel so soothing and reassuring to read.

    I’ve been home alone all day.
    Usually I find it so hard to get anything done.

    When D requested all my time, I felt neglectful of myself that I didn’t get any of my stuff done.
    Then when I would be alone, I would feel lazy and procrastinate.

    Today I’ve been so productive for myself.
    I used all my boy energy to get things done for me.
    I feel satisfied with myself.
    In fact, I also felt productive all day yesterday before meeting up with D.

    That has shifted for me.
    Wow, I feel satisfied at what I’ve done for myself this weekend.
    I haven’t felt that way in years.

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 4:58pm

  485. 485: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    it feels jarring and upsetting and disturbing to mention feeling open for donations

    i feel guilty

    i feel afraid to be judged

    i judge

    i feel sleepy

    more belief shifting here

    i wonder how to express this in a way that feels good

    without shame

    without feeling afraid im annoying and turning people off

    what if all of my posts said that?

    what if they said it ina non annoying way

    what if they carried the intention and it felt healing ?

    everyone Wants to donate to me, cuz it feels good!

    of course it feels good to see me be happy

    and Money comes to me and loves me

    i dont have to ask for him


    i can do me and lean back

    and he comes

    would i say i feel open for money

    well yeah

    i feel open to have you come see me… hmmm

    that feels a lil weird

    i feel open to have a man come see me… hmmm

    still feels weird

    i feel open?

    i feel… needy?


    now we’re getting there

    sooo i feel confused

    they said in order to receive money, i have to keep asking about it

    i can shift this

    ok sigh whew

    ok yay


    i can just relax

    i dont have to put effort out for money to come to me

    i can just do me and be amazing

    and know he’s coming

    yay sigh

    feel relief


    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 5:06pm

  486. 486: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:

    Belle @12,

    I feel at a loss for words ((((Belle)))) How honest and true to yourself you are xx

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 5:07pm

  487. 487: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:


    I feel inspired to search my own wounds reading your beautiful soul exposure @12.

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 5:08pm

  488. 488: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:


    I really appreciate your insight Annie :)

    Your words make me feel ‘human’ and normal to want that balance.
    I believe it too.
    My marriage therapist also said it to my ex-husband and me.
    Even married parents have date night.

    Last time D and I spoke today, I said “I would feel good to have 1 night a week reserved just for me.”

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 5:10pm

  489. 489: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    ah yes… also Byron Katie in belief shifting

    and Abraham style LOA in … magic

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 5:15pm

  490. 490: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:


    I had some very intense moments with M in the last several days at his place. More importantly, this morning he totally opened up and we were able to discuss our disagreements with open hearts and it felt really good to bare our souls. He says he is so connected to me. When we talked, I told him how scared I feel but more scared of the power the kids have over our love life. I told him I am scared to see them again. I was able to talk to him authentically without blaming him and he opened up so much. Although we are not officially ‘committed’ he said he doesnt want to see other women right now and is opening up on how to ‘fix’ things in the next few months. We also ran into a couple we know while doing errands with him and they asked about our plans and he told me this morning how sad he is that we are now in this place as everything would have been possible for us, how perfect I am for him, how connected and intimate we are. I do feel very hopeful for the future but hold

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 5:15pm

  491. 491: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:


    I had some very intense moments with M in the last several days at his place. More importantly, this morning he totally opened up and we were able to discuss our disagreements with open hearts and it felt really good to bare our souls. He says he is so connected to me. When we talked, I told him how scared I feel but more scared of the power the kids have over our love life. I told him I am scared to see them again. I was able to talk to him authentically without blaming him and he opened up so much. Although we are not officially ‘committed’ he said he doesnt want to see other women right now and is opening up on how to ‘fix’ things in the next few months. We also ran into a couple we know while doing errands with him and they asked about our plans and he told me this morning how sad he is that we are now in this place as everything would have been possible for us, how perfect I am for him, how connected and intimate we are. I do feel very hopeful for the future but hold myself to CDing until I see a clearer possible future.

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 5:16pm

  492. 492: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:


    Thank you so much for your encouraging words Emerson :)

    Yeah, you’re right. I did stay true to myself.

    I have been learning to shift to good feeling thoughts all week.
    Peeling off layers of my own stuff to heal.
    I thought that all my problems were solved.
    But all that peeling off just fueled my desire for a true, connected intimate relationship.

    I’ve been tempted to beat myself on the head for falling off the wagon.
    But no no.
    With all you sirens support, I rather feel fascinated that I really want that relationship for myself, and that I even want it more than before.

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 5:19pm

  493. 493: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    hmm i could do sensual meditation

    also sleep , time awareness, Ayurveda times, healing from clock time, moonwatching, intuitive astrology, intuitive reimagined tarot and cards,

    herstory reimagined in – spirit – ancestor communication

    where do i put aggressive rapping and hmm, all the other skills i ahve, i know they’re not mine for no reason. seeing the love underneath? non-judgment

    this is more for me to heal and discover the gems under

    then i can share!

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 5:23pm

  494. 494: TereanaNo Gravatar says:

    Belle – 333

    I feel so good reading about your juicy, amazing feelings. Yes! Human! That’s exactly what you are! And you know so much more about it than others who have never had to deal with life the way you have. I am sure it has made you tough and strong, interesting and absolutely amazing!

    Thank you for your insight on the dream. I actually think it has been resolved, much in the way you described with “which ways am I ‘raping’ myself?” It was true, and I’m not sure if I realized the connection before or after I decided to end things with tbf. But definitely, if I had continued to see him, it would have meant subjecting myself to a physical experience that was completely odious to me.

    When I say I didn’t like his kissing, it wasn’t a simple matter of technique. I meant that it felt slimy, gross, disgusting. It felt like slimy worms crawling all through me. The thought of his penis anywhere near me made me cringe.

    All the lovely language, and dates, and gifts could never counteract that feeling. If having a relationship with him would mean getting physically closer – and it would – I would have been basically raping myself be letting that happen. Ick, ick, ick, ick, ew. I can’t even describe how horrible the feeling was.

    My body was definitely giving me a big, strong message that something was wrong. And luckily, I got it. Whew! It was a good dream, after all. These things always have a purpose…I just didn’t know that when I woke up, scared and alone. And I didn’t know it when I discussed it with vman. But sometimes these things take time.

    And I am sure that there are more layers, too. But that’s at least one element of the dream that feels resolved.


    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 5:24pm

  495. 495: ReceivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    @493 Daria

    I had a tarot reading with Mr. Observant and she told both of us we had jealous people around us & to not be so open with others regarding our relationship. It’s a little scary when you hear those kinds of things.

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 5:27pm

  496. 496: TereanaNo Gravatar says:

    So, vman wrote to me today when he woke up. But only a little. Then he went away again. No explanation of where he’s been, or what he’s up to. But, then again, the idea that I would even need to know is ridiculous. it’s not like I have some sort of special claim on him. Lol

    Or maybe just, unrealistic. I can wonder. But right now, I can practice with being okay with not knowing. Because I’ve actually got better things to think about. :-)

    Xox me : )

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 5:32pm

  497. 497: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:


    Yeah SA,

    M does look like he’s hiding behind his kids.
    I was dying to say that to D, but I didn’t. I held my tongue with that one at least.

    Back to Rori and ourselves:
    We’re all being in their heads and their business here.
    Our job is to feel and share our feelings.

    Which you did so beautifully by what you described in your post #491.
    I yearn for that intimate connection.
    I feel so happy for you that he said those things to you.
    Aaaahhh (sigh).

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 5:32pm

  498. 498: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i feel very glad for my gemini mind AND ascendant inclination wiht infinite pieces knowledge picked up by my quick butterfly mind and so much energy toward curiousity

    with my capricorn moon going infinitely emotionally deep , and earthy too



    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 5:34pm

  499. 499: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Receiving Girl – hmm a lot of Tarot readers and cards stilll read the old fear based way which was the fashion the last thousand years

    i would translate all that into something that feels good

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 5:36pm

  500. 500: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    perhaps there are a lot of people who admire you and yes through jealousy, and you are an inspiration for them to step the threshold to healing

    also perhpas it would help you to open to viewing others as offering support, and practice non-judgement and seeing what would feel good in the intentions of others Abraham style

    ouch that seeing what would feel good in the intentions of others, i felt a pang in my tummy felt triggering and scary to do that! means there is healing in there for me!

    thanks for bringing this up Receiving Girl

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 5:38pm

  501. 501: ReceivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks, Daria. It’s been bothering me since.

    My one gf has hardly spoken to me since Mr. Observant and I started dating. I wonder if there is a connection. The last 2 parties we only said hello and goodbye basically. Last party, Mr. Observant and I walked to the car and she was standing with her husband and two others and the looks on their faces were not friendly, as if we had walked in on them gossiping or something.

    She said we need to get together, but I had already said that and gave her dates when I was available to which she never responded. I’ve been trying to get together with her since June. I don’t feel supported by her, so there may be some truth to the tarot.

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 5:48pm

  502. 502: ReceivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    My tummy is churning, I feel all nervous, teary-eyed and afraid. I want to feel goodness.

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 5:51pm

  503. 503: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    When we see things in others that bother us or trigger us, it always means that there is something about it IN OURSELVES that we don’t accept.

    I’m pointing out D hiding behind his son, his work, his expenses…to cover his fear of intimacy.

    I wonder, What am I hiding behind to cover what?

    I used to hide behind past hurts, as an excuse to avoid intimacy.
    I peeled some hurts off.
    Intimacy is screaming even louder to come get it.

    I’m still hiding behind something if I’m still pointing out D hiding behind something.

    Pointing his out is distracting me from mine.
    Distraction to avoid looking at it.

    I feel curious.

    I feel scared that if I move in with him, I won’t be enough.
    He’ll want more things, spend more even if I’m sharing expenses…still hide behind work…

    I haven’t been able to quit smoking.
    He hates it.
    I’m always having to go outside to smoke,
    It takes me away from him, breaks any little intimate moment we could have.
    I hide behind my smoking.

    I’m back to distracting myself from my addiction with his addiction.

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 5:54pm

  504. 504: ReceivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    @503 Lilibee

    Regarding the smoking thing, I agree with you. Mr. Observant smokes and needs to go outside to smoke. It is an interruption in our time, unless I go sit outside with him. Which I don’t mind in the nice weather, but when it gets freezing cold outside, I will not want to do that.

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 6:01pm

  505. 505: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    LiliBee has he asked you to move in with him?
    How do you feel about that?
    What would be your agenda for accepting the invitation?

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 6:02pm

  506. 506: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Why am I not good enough?
    What about me is not good enough?

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 6:04pm

  507. 507: TereanaNo Gravatar says:

    @FW – nothing? :-)

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 6:06pm

  508. 508: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    The one secret is a SMILE.

    Really? A smile???? So, Jonathon, what does a smile have to do with talking about tough stuff?

    Glad you asked.

    Men tend to be quiet about sharing their emotions.

    But when you smile, it changes every mood.

    A smile disarms his defenses–and yours.

    A smile turns men into puppies.

    A smile is a simple way to make him feel safe.

    And if he feels safe, he is more likely to talk with you.

    But a smile is just one great way to get him to open up.

    So, smile, you’re about to get a man to open up.

    Wishing you a FAB day.

    Jonathon Aslay

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 6:10pm

  509. 509: TereanaNo Gravatar says:

    Argh. Haha, me. Vman responded to my email from yesterday. I am nervous and excited to read it. But also a little afraid. I am avoiding it from fear, but I feel nothing bad to expect. So I am also savoring the wait until I open it to see what he says. I wonder what it will be? I feel curious, nervous excitement.

    Okay, I’m going to open it and see what he says. I can’t shield myself from information forever…

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 6:14pm

  510. 510: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:



    He keeps looking over at neighbourlady and her husband next door as they do yardwork together, hangout in the pool together.
    He said he would love to have that kind of life with a woman someday.
    I said Me too.

    He hasn’t asked.
    My lease is up for renewal at the end of January.

    I want him to ask me, and I want him to be there in that house with me.
    I don’t want to be abandoned in it.

    I shared with him that I want to be in a connected real relationship 1st, I don’t want to be in a house as a decoration.

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 6:34pm

  511. 511: CalypsoNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Sirens – Checkig in from Nashville – here with my son the night before he gets sworn into the Marines and leaves for boot camp . . . Wow ~

    I had my date with JC on Friday night and while we were cuddeling, he pulled back and looked deeply in my eyes and asked, “So,what do you think?” He was so intense!!!

    I can’t remember exactly wht I said, but I know it was nice sireny stuff – lol. Then, I sweetly tried to remind him that we had only known each other a short time by saying, “You know, yesterday as our 3 week annversary . . . ”

    He said, “Well then, I need to give you a gift!”

    I had just been asking for Siren advice about him tryng to give me stuff, so I was ready for that! I got all soft and girly and was all Ohhhh . . . I love gifts . . .and snuggled closer to him . . . It feels yummy to think aout getting a gift from you . . .

    So – he got up and gave me my gift – a very pretty bottle of perfume from Tiffany & Co that he said he ordered from New York for me . . . it smelld lovely and I really liked it, but something odd happened…

    I found myself doubting that he really ordered it for me. I can’t explain why and it realy doesn’t matter – he gave it to me and I like it. I just don’t really believe he orderd it from New York for me. I think he had it and decided to give it to me.

    He said something about smelling it on another woman and thinking it smelled like me and asking her what it was . . . I just decided to let it all go and be girly and like my expensive 3 week anniversary perfume.

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 6:39pm

  512. 512: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:



    He said he wants that too, but he’s so busy.

    I said “I can’t feel connected to you if you’re not there in front of me, one on one, to connect to.”

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 6:39pm

  513. 513: ReceivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    I feel curious. 4 hours and still have not heard from him. He’s usually so eager to talk to me. I went into this weekend with a bad feeling and it’s growing. I really hope it’s just my gremlins and he just fell asleep after a long, exciting weekend and nothing is wrong.

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 6:39pm

  514. 514: CalypsoNo Gravatar says:

    Holy Cow . . . I just read the letter: “Can you make him love you if he doesn’t?” This could have been about me a GM – in fact, it sounds very much like the first post I ever made on this blog and Rori’s response to me. It is all so true!

    Heart breakingly true ~

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 6:46pm

  515. 515: CalypsoNo Gravatar says:

    Daria – I should have known you were a Gemini . . . no wonder you remind me of my sister! I love her Gemini spirit – and yours!

    I’m a Pisces woman ~

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 7:03pm

  516. 516: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    LiliBee I feel so teary-eyed reading these comments tonite. It is what I want and have shared but acknowledge that I tend to share from a place of fear or harsh demands. I too am afraid to be with a man who works long hours and is too busy but I also think I would accept it just to not be alone.

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 7:20pm

  517. 517: LindaNo Gravatar says:

    I feel distant and disconnected from myself today. I miss feeling in tune with me. Outsiders (men) are the reason. I wonder if it is possible to be in a relationship and not loose some of you in it. I dont even have a canidate right now… but I have decided that I dont want to be in a relationship if I loose touch with me. Not even one little part of me.

    I dont want to have to figure out how to fit into a mans world and life. I want him to be the one with that responsibility. I dont want any drama injected into my life. I do not want a jealous, possesive, insecure, accusatory man near me. I dont want his imaturity or issues projected on to me. Yuck! I dont want to be slimed!

    I want my subconsious to get unstuck and stop holding on to lies and false beliefs about the last man I was with. I am tired of having dreams at night and waking thoughts about things that will never happen.

    No more unhealthy, men no more imposters!

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 7:34pm

  518. 518: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Oh Lillebee. I feel really worried for you. It seems day after day you have these heavy conversations, all which, even carefully worded (and I do understand where you are coming from) but making him wrong, not pleasing you. Men fall in love with us because of how they feel about themselves when they are with us. Your “complaints” feel draining to me. It feels like you want to change him, automatically take things as a negative (seriously…. Sitting in the back seat really made you feel like not a queen and was worth adding stress?)

    At this point, I’d start asking myself some serious questions.
    1. Can I accept this man as he is and in how he loves me?
    2. Can I love him in a way that feels good to him too? Am I able to give in his love language?
    3. Can I foresee us being truly happy together if we continue on this path?
    4. Is this enough for me? Is he really what I want?
    I’m worried for you LB. you haven’t sounded happy about this relationship since Vegas. Sending huge hugs!

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 7:36pm

  519. 519: LindaNo Gravatar says:

    Daria said (219)…I’m realizing that I still have bouts of, I don’t look good enough, I should change this and that and Then men will like me…

    I want to embrace my voices and shift my beliefs

    I never had thoughts like this until my relationship with the this last man. It has created a very ugly voice in my head…. HELP! I want it gone!

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 7:39pm

  520. 520: BelleNo Gravatar says:


    I feel peaceful, soft, receptive, grateful.
    I wouldn’t trade my life experiences for the world, I love me and appreciate my gifts so very very much.

    I feel a sweet, humble pride in you for honoring yourself. Well done!

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 7:57pm

  521. 521: BelleNo Gravatar says:


    I feel honored that you feel inspired by my process, and I honor your courage in looking within.

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 8:01pm

  522. 522: Butterfly wingsNo Gravatar says:

    Mmmmmm…. LiliBee, I wouldn’t have been happy about being made to sit in the back either.

    Is this really how he’s treating his son how to treat a lady? Maybe I’m old fashioned. I make my kids sit in the back when TH is in our car (actually, they know that when another adult is in the car then they’re in the back) – it’s a “respect your elders” thing for me.

    But Turquoise has a point which resonates with me and my situation too. Can I accept TH as he is? Sometimes I think yes and other times I think no, that some things will need to change or I’m outta there. Then he becomes all wonderful again (like he was last night) and I melt and I see a happy future ahead for us.

    I have two weeks off in January. I’m going to use that time to really think about what I want in all aspects of my life.

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 8:22pm

  523. 523: Butterfly wingsNo Gravatar says:

    Oops treating = teaching.

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 8:23pm

  524. 524: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:


    Thank You Turquoise,

    I’ve read your comments 3 or 4x.

    You’re right about wanting to change him.

    I have been asking myself those exact questions all day.

    I’m letting it all go. Leaning all the way back.

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 8:24pm

  525. 525: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Mr. Conversation texted me tonight to ask what I’m pi$$ed at him about. I replied that I’m not, asked why he thought that. He said I was interacting with him differently. This article really threw me…. But mostly he seemed so stressed, I just gave him some space and focused on myself. Interesting to me what a difference that makes. He was in a better mood at today’s game and complimented my necklace. I do like that he notices different things like that. He also told my little one that she did great today and had such wonderful smile. Stuff like that warms my heart.

    Today my girls and I had the time alone I wanted. We went shopping and out to eat. It felt sooo nice to be with just them. I love them to pieces!

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 8:25pm

  526. 526: Butterfly wingsNo Gravatar says:

    I’ve been putting a lot more focus on my girls lately and it feels wonderful! Although my youngest was upset at having to go back to her father’s last night.

    We have school holidays here starting next week and I’ve taken a week off work and can’t wait to spend some real quality time with my beautiful babies!

    Turquoise, TH noticed too when my vibe changed with him. He seemed unhappy about it but has also started stepping up more too! :)

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 8:31pm

  527. 527: BelleNo Gravatar says:



    There’s something about your vibe that I’m interpreting as little girl helpless rather than feminine.

    I could be wrong, I’m still new to Rori’s tools, but what I imagine myself saying about the car situation would be, “I’m not comfortable with sitting in the back, that isn’t going to work for me, what else is possible?”

    Agreeing even though you felt devalued, and then making the best of it, sounds to me like little-girl-who-doesn’t-have-a-choice-but-makes-the-best-she-can-of-a-funky-situation kind of pattern.

    It’s like you are wanting him to treat you like a queen but you aren’t willing to BE a queen and stand up for your place as queen.

    I wonder if you’ve explored the cheap and devalued feelings, followed the trigger down to the root? As far as I can tell, he isn’t the one making you feel that way.

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 8:32pm

  528. 528: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    I wouldn’t want to sit in the back all the time either, or even most of the time…. But I guess I’d pick my battles. It seems natural and normal to me that there will be some things we don’t live and adore about another person… But it’s what we can accept or can’t. What really means more….. The quirk or undesirable behavior, or him and all the wonderful things?

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 8:32pm

  529. 529: Butterfly wingsNo Gravatar says:

    I suppose it comes down to what’s a dealbreaker and what isn’t…

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 8:37pm

  530. 530: RadloveNo Gravatar says:


    511 – Nice! What a sweet scene you described, like a dream!

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 8:40pm

  531. 531: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    BW that sounds awesome! I wish I could have taken some more time off to be with my girls this summer. I’m looking forward to a long weekend soon! I feel centered when I focus on just them and me. We aren’t used to being with other people this much of our free time. It really would be a huge change if I ever remarry.

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 8:41pm

  532. 532: ReceivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    Well, all is good. I spoke to Mr. Observant for a couple hours. He did fall asleep :) He had a nice weekend with the kids. It was just my nasty gremlins. Now, I need to get some sleep! Goodnight Sirens!

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 8:41pm

  533. 533: BelleNo Gravatar says:

    Today I played a fun game.
    When my thoughts went to C, I typed out the script I was playing out in my mind, then played “actress” and practiced the speech a few times.

    I feel vulnerable sharing it here, but I also feel like it could be amusing (remember the guy is a street hustler-type, so it’s like meeting him on his terms):

    “Stop being a b****, quit hiding from what you know is good for you.
    Finalize your divorce, get single and be man enough to make your dreams come true.
    If you can’t do that, then you aren’t the man for me and I want you to pi$$ off and take your childish mindf**kery elsewhere.
    And you’ll have nobody to blame but yourself for pi$$ing off your own damned dreams.
    F**k your past . F**k f**kity f**k f**k F**K your f**ing bulls**t past. Get the f**k over it already and be a real man a woman can feel safe with, can trust and surrender to.
    Or not.
    Step up or pi$$ off.
    Your choice. It makes no difference to me, I’m f**king awesome and am going to be happy and bask in my own awesome amazingness no matter what you decide.”

    I stood in my living room, laughing and laughing. I felt playful, provocative, cocky, sassy. I kept imagining him in front of me and had a lot of fun with it. Which seemed to get it out of my system.

    I have NO, repeat NO INTENTION WHATSOEVER to actually say ANY of this to him.

    Once I heard myself say it out loud a few times, I laughed and laughed at how silly it was and then listened to Toxic Men for a while and let Rori remind me I can have a man who is READY already. Someone who has been preparing themselves for sacred partnership the same way I have been.

    The article FW posted about how a smile disarms our defenses really spoke to me and I could see how I let mine down last week with that frigging ridiculously enormous smile of his. I’m practicing being strong, not just in my mind but with my body, like an actress (taking my own advice!).

    He’s a charmer for sure, and I’m feeling strong enough to break the spell :)

    I feel grateful for all that I’m learning about myself and the ways I get knocked off-course by my strong feelings. I feel so pleased with the woman I am becoming.

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 9:01pm

  534. 534: TereanaNo Gravatar says:

    Belle 520 – Yay! :-)

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 9:22pm

  535. 535: TereanaNo Gravatar says:

    ReceivingGirl 366 – Thanks! yeah, it was really scary and freaky. Especially since, in the dream, it was someone I knew and trusted. I couldn’t move my arms. It was like they were tied down, but they weren’t. My sister was in the next room, and she knew what was happening, and she didn’t do anything about it. :-/

    But in the dream, I survived. And I remember folding laundry, or doing something normal, and just thinking how I could not trust that person again…

    I felt sort of empowered, in a weird way.

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 9:27pm

  536. 536: TereanaNo Gravatar says:

    Belle – That sounds like a fun game : )


    So, I checked, and vman didn’t really write anything in his response. At 3 a.m. he wrote back to say he was too drunk, and would respond more tomorrow.

    He “responded” I guess by telling me about his sexy dream at night. I am not sure if that is intimate information, or just another surface sex gesture. I think I might just be going along with his sex routine, or something. I still don’t get what his motive is. I think he must be confused or something.

    He knows how valuable I am. He knows how much I am “worth.” He’s just trying to get it all for cheap.

    My exes all want to hook up with me, don’t they? They don’t miss the relationship, but they want FWB. grumble, grumble.

    Well, screw it, maybe FWB is what I want, too, in a way. Maybe I should just own that. Non-committal sex, with no expectations. Just having a good time and enjoying ourselves without getting too serious. Not as a “way” to relationship. But as something to do as I am preparing more and more for “the real thing.”

    I am watching the movie “friends with benefits.” It’s actually quite funny. I pretty much know how it goes, just from seeing the trailers. But it’s still a cute movie and I’m enjoying it.

    I feel curious and also a little bit jealous of people who can be 100% comfortable with their sexuality. People – men and woman – who can be sexual and feel no need to be apologetic. Because it’s actually pretty normal. I feel like a freak.

    Yet men are always telling me that I’m beautiful, and darnit, I am starting to believe them….

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 9:37pm

  537. 537: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Sirens – I have a headache…things have been really busy lately.
    Anyway – i went out and had some fun.
    But I still haven’t heard from CudG.
    I miss him. I feel a bit sad and hurt and confused.
    How could he just leave me hanging like that?
    And he’s posting stuff on FB…but he has not responded to my email.
    It been more than a week.
    My guy friend told me that It’s pretty much done…and that CudG is showing me that it’s Done by not responding.

    Well I’ve accepted this…I feel disappointed. I feel sad.

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 9:38pm

  538. 538: annonnNo Gravatar says:

    I’m in this exact position now & this reality check is the realest advice I’ve ever received. Thank you

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 9:44pm

  539. 539: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    Tam, have you read the fly trapper tool from Rori?

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 10:28pm

  540. 540: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    Dominique, ooo I feel excited about my increase of awareness! Thank you, I shall try and see the positive in this. I feel curious and wonder about being able to make the most of this.

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 10:32pm

  541. 541: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    Hi annonn! What’s your position?

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 10:33pm

  542. 542: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    Annonn, if you’d feel open to share….?

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 10:33pm

  543. 543: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    Ug, I’m so not a morning person. :( I feel groggy at 6.30am.

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 10:34pm

  544. 544: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    I’m feeling more relaxed over the fact that strummingman has texed or called or emailed since sat eve.

    I am leaning back in my thoughts.

    In the past I got overwhelmed in anxiety…’ he’s not called????’ but now… I trust he will. And if he doesn’t, I have no expectation so I won’t be disappointed.

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 10:49pm

  545. 545: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Smile!!
    I do remember the flypaper tool a little..from somewhere..thank you.

    I believe strummingman will get in touch today or tomorrow… :)

    Now I have to cancel a date I have tuesday..the guy is boring macho and takes a lot of energy from me, I feel like keeping the conversation going or we would just sit there and stare. He is very attractive and confident and seems to be the one leaning back and it’s hard work. Plus, he is going back to Australia and I am back to Florida, so nothing will happen anyway…I don’t even see it as a good opportunity to practice because I just see it as a chore and have so many cringey appointments this week that I don’t feel like having more energy sucked out of me by a man, any man. So i will cancel, hope that won’t offend him because he is an alright guy.
    Pfff..I hate cancelling on people.
    Hope all have a great day.

    Sunday, 16 September 2012 @ 11:57pm

  546. 546: TamNo Gravatar says:

    I feel a little closed off from men right now but it’s just because I need to look after myself first.
    I think that’s ok, really, my life is all over the place and I feel good to concentrate on just me.
    I need to be boy with all my appointments, work, getting ready for Florida etc., I find it hard to get into girl mode right now.

    Monday, 17 September 2012 @ 12:09am

  547. 547: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    Tam – You just might see a different side of Boring-macho guy…maybe he showed up to teach u something?

    Monday, 17 September 2012 @ 12:15am

  548. 548: TamNo Gravatar says:

    547, yes Heart, maybe he did, but after one lengthy date I have already learned what it was: that I feel exhausted making conversation when the other person just sits and stares 😉
    Nah, he is alright, just I have a lot to do this week and it feels a little like stress, so I gave myself the permission to just drop it.
    Plus he reminds me a little of MrP, also blonde blue eyed Marlboro man…and that’s not good. In fact, I could very easily just grab the guy and pull him into my bed, he is very fit and attractive…and then I wouldn’t have to talk…but I am not that kind of person. And he is not mentally stimulating at all. So nah.
    Normally, I’d go for sure just to have something to do and practice, but am too busy.

    And how are you, I read you had not heard from CudG? You may still, you may not….he might have stepped out of the way to leave space for someone better to enter your life :)

    Monday, 17 September 2012 @ 12:22am

  549. 549: taraNo Gravatar says:

    i am going through a divorce and during this time i met someone who i fell in love with, we had a lot in common and got a long but because of the divorce i got too clingi and pushed him away he said we could be friends but he hever returns my calls reading this has made me realise he was just being nice but he was not interested in me, full stop i do not think we could be friends and i need to call it a day any advice on how to do that, because i am feeling bags of hurt combined with love and lonliness.

    Monday, 17 September 2012 @ 12:30am

  550. 550: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    Tam – I would feel relieved to hear you will date some men BEFORE you go to Florida.
    Maybe you pratice some feeling messages on Machoman like – I feel interested/curious etc….tell me more about yourself..etc etc.

    Monday, 17 September 2012 @ 12:47am

  551. 551: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    Tam – I would feel relieved to hear you will date some men BEFORE you go to Florida.
    Maybe you pratice some feeling messages on Macho man like – I feel interested/curious etc….tell me more about yourself..etc etc.

    Monday, 17 September 2012 @ 12:48am

  552. 552: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    Tam – I feel hurt by the way CudG broke the connection….it was cold. I wouldn’t do something like that to him! I’m question FMs Tam…from wat u have said and what I experience – They seem to make men Run away.

    One minute CudG wants to talk ad the next Nada….He did exactly what Mr.P did…

    Monday, 17 September 2012 @ 12:53am

  553. 553: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Heart, actually for what it’s worth..I don’t think the feeling messages are to blame. From my eperience, MrP reacts pretty well to them (surprisingly). They have not inspired him to open up, but that’s just the way he is. He is not going to change his character though he has become more communicative with feeling messages actually.
    He always stops communicating at some point. It’s the way he is. He will only contact me when he feels he has something to say or ask. I never felt to say to him ‘it would feel good to stay in contact more frequently’, just because I am not sure about that, since we do not have a relationship, and the less he is in contact the better for me moving on and dating other men. I know if I said it his reply would be thus:
    ‘but I am always the one who contacts you first, you can call/email/tet me too, you know!’.
    Because I have leant way back with him.
    He is a man of few words, so whatever.

    I did have a very talkative guy poof on me but he did it properly, and I am not sure what CudG’s character is like. He can’t be less communicative than MrP because that would mean he never said anything..haha. But when the talkative guy poofed, it was notable…he emailed every day and then just vanished – I knew he had gone. Men are all different too.

    I am going to Fl in less than 2 weeks and won’t date anymore, I feel happier to do fun things for me than spend money and time on something I don’t feel like doing. I have plenty of CD’s lined up for Florida though, old ones and new ones. One wants to take me to Key West on his Harley..he’s a bit of a bad boy and always has lots of pics with low cleavaged fake boobed women on his fb…but you know what? I am very tempted to sit on the back of a Harley and have a mad weekend with him. Why now? But there will have to be feeling messages about helmets – because they don’t ear helmets and I am not that crazy… 😉
    Another one is going to teach me Salsa, the Cuban guy, hopefully that will work out as I love to dance Salsa..
    So lots of stuff to look fwd too…and honestly, if MrP has sold his boats despite knowing it’s my number 1 thing to do…then he needs to come up with something else fun to do. Good luck to him!
    :) :) :)

    Arr you CDing, heart?

    Monday, 17 September 2012 @ 1:13am

  554. 554: AnnieNo Gravatar says:

    I feel unable to stop this wanting to understand.
    I know I have to be firm and stay on my bridge to Happy ever after and what I want.

    I just so want to understand why a man can want to stay married to a woman he is not in love with.

    I do not want to be married to that man anymore.
    It doesn’t feel safe to be married to a man who is not in love with me.
    A man who is not in love with me will not have my best interest at heart.
    I do not feel able to trust a man like that to make important life decisions for us.
    My soul knows this is not the right man for me.

    I just want to understand why that man wants to stay married to me.
    It feels bizarre. Sigh.

    Monday, 17 September 2012 @ 1:30am

  555. 555: LadyinwaitingNo Gravatar says:

    I feel supported whenever I come here to learn.
    All of your writings both echo and open my feelings.
    I have had a connection? With a cd all year long who is toxic.
    Yes, any who cross your path have something to heal or teach you.
    Right now I am sad. The longer I continued to know him, the more I uncovered a deep layer hidden in my past and present.
    What passive agressive means/looks like/sounds like/triggers me.
    He is that personality type.
    The hardest part, I actually like the magnetic part of his soul.
    My true self recognized his pattern growing in intensity towards me the last few months when we both (I thought) agreed we were friends, his pattern of hostility in text,fb,phone to my person.
    Put downs, denial,criticism, I used my best feeling messages to tell him it hurt and it would feel good if he would speak his truth and tell me what was bothering him. He would deny any such incident and then avoid an answer.
    I tried to go on as if it didn’t matter.
    I tried to go onn as a friend with no expectation. But, I know I needed the validation of respect as a friend.
    Tonight was another night of what appeared to be funny little quips on fb he started and the whole gang chimes in. Yes, he has lots of female friends so I feel I shoudnt be any different. At first he likes and responds to my comment. Then he publicly criticizes it. It felt like he was trying to make me look bad. Really what he wanted was all attention to be on him.
    long story short-I tried for the manyeth time to stick to my feeling messages that his response hurt and it would feel awesome to hear what he’s needing to say. I was tired of being slammed by him.
    Oh great,
    I write this and wonder if I made a mistake.
    Feeling calm and courageous and authentic practicing feeling messages and asking him for the same
    what do you do when the guy shuts down or gets even angrier when you are doing your level best to not look for blame but ask for understanding?
    he unfriends me.
    did I add pressure to a situation claiming were friends when he actually wanted more than that and thought I was supposed to behave like I knew?
    It feels like I am second guessing my actions
    because this is the second time in 2 weeks I thought I was honest and clear with feeling messages with a new cd and he shut down and ended things with me too
    why would feeling messages trigger such an extreme response?
    what did I miss?
    Do I need to apologise?

    Monday, 17 September 2012 @ 1:30am

  556. 556: TamNo Gravatar says:

    553 – Annie, how can you be sure he doesn’t love you? Do you believe he is with you out of convenience?
    Has he actually said that he doesn’t love you?

    Monday, 17 September 2012 @ 1:33am

  557. 557: AnnieNo Gravatar says:

    Tam. He says he loves me but is not in love with me.

    I don’t actually believe he really knows what love is.
    He admitted a couple of weeks ago that he didn’t know their was anything other than surface level sociability.
    He has not ever had a real deep emotional connection to anyone in is life. I am the nearest he has got to it.

    Monday, 17 September 2012 @ 1:47am

  558. 558: AnnieNo Gravatar says:

    I am feeling curious about what triggers us too Lilibee.
    And how this is connecting to what we dont love accept etc about ourselves.

    I was triggered when someone personally attacked me the other day calling me selfish, stupid and I can’t remember the other, will have to go back and check.
    I used to be triggered about being called crazy this was a big big big huge fear of mine.
    I was absolutely terrified of this.

    This fear is now mainly under control and I now love my craziness.

    I know why I am triggered by the selfish and stupid comments now.
    My step father calls me selfish and others when they put their own need first.

    I believed him I believed others feelings were more important and that I had to stop being selfish.

    You know what the last few days I realize that is a pile of horse crap. And if something is not right for me on a deep core level and I won’t put others feelings before my own then it is my best interest to be selfish and take care of what is best for me. Yayyy for being selfish.
    And isn’t the irony that they are just projecting at me because I am not putting their needs before my own?
    So who is really being selfish?

    So I don’t need to defend myself and argue and say I am not selfish.
    And accept that they can think what they like.
    If they think that taking care of myself is being selfish, that’s what they think. yayyy for my self care and doing what is best for me.

    Stupid. mmmm. I need to do a bit more work and processing on that one. :)

    Monday, 17 September 2012 @ 2:07am

  559. 559: TamNo Gravatar says:

    556 (((Annie)))…oh gosh, that is tough..

    I am sure he does love you.

    Has he considered therapy? Probably not. I feel there are other issues from the past that cause him to be like that. My friend is a psychologist and she will always mention this when she hears such things.

    Well, this is all about you at the end of the day. Can you stay there, or do you want to leave – and can you leave financially, emotionally and otherwise?
    I am sure you have asked yourself those questions before…..and I also suspect Rori’s tools and feeling messages are not helping?

    That’s really tough. If anything, when I read your post, I actually feel sorry for him…if he only ever feels surface sociability – that sounds soooooo sad.
    But it sounds frighteningly familiar. MrP is like that too, he has an ‘atachment disorder’ actually, afraid to attach and detach at the same time. He used to say he is ‘as cold as ice’ …and he is only surface attached to most people in his life including family. It’s scary stuff….

    Monday, 17 September 2012 @ 2:09am

  560. 560: AnnieNo Gravatar says:

    Tam that resonates with me.
    especially the cold as ice.

    Where I am over animated and everyone knows what I am feeling it all matches my facial expression my vibe my words.
    He is the opposite the body language and facial expression do match his words.

    A lot of the time he is expressionless, like a robot.
    His body language gives away his real feelings. So I find it best to tune into those and my feelings and not get caught up in his words.

    This is a problem I do have that I am easily manipulated if I start listening to people.
    I so want to believe that they are being honest.
    It gets me into trouble.
    When I stop listening and tune into the mv communication and my instinct, I have always been right.

    I really do need to learn to trust this more.

    Monday, 17 September 2012 @ 2:22am

  561. 561: AnnieNo Gravatar says:

    *He is the opposite the body language and facial expression do *NOT* match his words. missed the not out before.

    Monday, 17 September 2012 @ 2:23am

  562. 562: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Annie – Rori says men are very loyal at heart and will not usually leave a woman even in toxic situations. It’s usually a woman who will leave. The only way a man will leave is if his heart finds solace in another woman’s arms.

    Also Roris situation of when her husband would barely look at her when her marriage started going bad, reminds me of the ‘I’m not in love.’. This is also usually means there’s buried anger, there hasn’t been open, non blaming sharing of emotions for awhile.

    As for selfishness, Thers no such thing, I believe. I still haven’t met a selfish being lol and I never will. Judging things as selfish is just one of those unhelpful beliefs I picked up. Some people may act from pain in self protection, and some may act from love in self care, but neither are selfish. We are all lovely innately worthy beings deserving of love.

    Monday, 17 September 2012 @ 2:29am

  563. 563: ruthNo Gravatar says:

    peeks in
    Im never going to catch up
    I am feeling exhausted today!

    hugs to all

    Monday, 17 September 2012 @ 2:32am

  564. 564: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Hm, Annie, that must be really hard to bear. Sounds like you are on the right path of focusing on yourself though, and not being ‘projected on’ by others anymore. I have had the same experience…when people are unhappy with themselves they start attacking me, especially my father.

    Cold as ice is one thing, body language/expression and words not matching – OMG, so you have to try and read him all the time, that must suck the energy out of you!! Aaargh.
    Well, in my case the feeling messages have helped a little which is the only reason why I think sometimes ‘not all is lost’. He is pretty authentic. When he gets angry, it is obvious, I can almost see the fume coming from his ears…but when he is sad or any other feeling – not so much. Though he has said to me once (major opening up moment) ‘I feel rejected by you’ – which is exactly what I felt, being rejected. So moments like this are genuine and I can deal with that. But yes, then there are times when words are saying one thing and he acts different.
    I don’t know.
    Again, I believe it’s best to focus on ourselves and find a way to live our lives happily, with or without them..of course that is all the much harder when marriage and/or kids are involved.

    Monday, 17 September 2012 @ 2:33am

  565. 565: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Hiya Ruth!! :)

    Monday, 17 September 2012 @ 2:34am

  566. 566: AnnieNo Gravatar says:

    This is what triggered me a couple of days ago.
    “Do you really aim to re-educate a selfish childish dumb person that only takes care of what she’s feeling good or not, and trying only to have all the attention around her ? ”

    I disengaged, processed my feelings and have worked with it.

    I have processed the selfish. Oh and now reading that back it seems as clear as daylight.

    I can hear my Fathers words, You are selfish, you don’t think of anyone but yourself. ”

    And my Mothers words, “You are not the center of the universe you are a child and no nothing.”

    I felt emotionally and psycholgically beaten up at the time.
    The words felt like they were entering my body.
    How weird is that.
    I did actually feel a physical response from attacking words.
    My body really did feel beaten up and bruised.

    I am obviously still attracting people who say this to me.
    I feel ok reading those words back now.

    I feel curious about what will happen next time someone says those words to me.

    Monday, 17 September 2012 @ 2:36am

  567. 567: TamNo Gravatar says:

    can’t concentrate on work today..aaargh..must leave a couple of websites closed me thinks.
    A guy just wrote on okcupid and said ‘I find you incredibly appealing’
    and I caught myself thinking ‘so do I’ OMG, I just made myself laugh so much.
    Yes, I find myself incredibly appealing too. Yum, yum!

    Monday, 17 September 2012 @ 2:37am

  568. 568: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Calypso – yum! I feel so comfy w Pisces cuz of my Capricorn water goat moon

    Monday, 17 September 2012 @ 2:39am

  569. 569: AnnieNo Gravatar says:

    561: Daria .

    Ty Daria that felt helpful to read.
    And yes he will barely look at me especially if I am expressing anger he avoids eye contact.

    Monday, 17 September 2012 @ 2:39am

  570. 570: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Wow Annie I feel awed at that hugely deep healing so fast! Admiration

    Monday, 17 September 2012 @ 2:40am

  571. 571: AnnieNo Gravatar says:

    Ty Tam and Daria.

    Monday, 17 September 2012 @ 2:42am

  572. 572: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Annie, my parents were often belittling me too…hence the self-esteem issues. My grandad called me ‘stupid’ regularly, well I did prove them all wrong but that’s beside the point.
    Lately I realised that it was not me who was ‘stupid’, ‘selfish’ or ‘too quiet’ or whatever, it is actually them who are extremely unhappy and I trigger them because I am a free spirit aka Goddess…well, who knows but they are triggered by me.
    I guess they expect me to be belittling myself, moaning and complaining the whole day like they do. I am happy with little things and that triggers them more because they think I should be interested in having a big career and making lots of money and buying status symbols like they do.
    I don’t have to please anyone but myself anymore, and it’s very freeing to feel like that.

    Monday, 17 September 2012 @ 2:42am

  573. 573: AnnieNo Gravatar says:

    566: Tamsays:

    “can’t concentrate on work today..aaargh..must leave a couple of websites closed me thinks.
    A guy just wrote on okcupid and said ‘I find you incredibly appealing’
    and I caught myself thinking ‘so do I’ OMG, I just made myself laugh so much.
    Yes, I find myself incredibly appealing too. Yum, yum!”

    :) :)

    Monday, 17 September 2012 @ 2:43am

  574. 574: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Annie, the avoiding eye contact – I would love to get Rori’s take on that. When my father insulted me, I used feeling messages and he could not even look into my eyes for 1 second, and averted his gaze repeatedly. Very weak, I was looking at him the whole time. I realised he was behaving like a little boy.

    MrP also doesn’t make eye contact often, but when he does, yikes, I do find it hard to keep eye contact, because it’s like lightening bolts. He has quite a stare.
    He also one time had a go at me and I stood my ground although I was shaking and tears were welling up – and he could not look at me at all. I felt like a mess, but quite a powerful little mess. There was this huge man and he could not look at 5”2, 50kg of shaking and upset me.

    I wonder why they find it hard to look in the eyes…hm.

    Monday, 17 September 2012 @ 2:46am

  575. 575: LadyinwaitingNo Gravatar says:

    #557 Annie and
    #561 Daria
    thank you for those ideas and thoughts.
    They give me a deeper perspective and now I feel there is lot more to the story for me.
    Question is, what part is my story I need to own and continue up that bridge to find?
    I feel a little anxiety welling up in my tummy and a bucket of guilt behind it.
    How do you know if you needed to know what would feel good to the guy and watch your actions/words with care and understanding before YOU ask for care and understanding?
    I am doubting the “rightness” of my approach.
    Yeah, I am feeling seriously triggered by the honesty of knowing I don’t always get it right.
    I was raised in a chaotic family that exists to this day with passive/agressive, never apologise, you will never be perfect enough traits.
    I believe I should work some meditation/prayer to work thru my own truth in this.
    I am torn about turning around immediately to apologise to the longstanding/cd/friend.
    And also leaning way back and doing nothing.

    Monday, 17 September 2012 @ 2:48am

  576. 576: AnnieNo Gravatar says:

    Hugs ladyinwaiting.

    Monday, 17 September 2012 @ 2:59am

  577. 577: ViNo Gravatar says:

    I feel not enough and ‘unworthy’ of a trip my man planned and even scared! Can I love myself feeling not enough? Yes I love myself and I even feel amused feeling this way. I love my not good enough feeling I love my feeling of ‘unvorthiness’ I love my fear. I love my journey.

    Monday, 17 September 2012 @ 3:00am

  578. 578: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Tam – my guess is that there wasn’t openess and non-blame and the men didn’t feel emotionally safe

    judging them as ‘very weak’ and ‘little boy’ could also give off that vibe.

    I know how challenging it is to communicate when feeling furious and crumpled at the same time.




    expressing any feeling at all like you say you did is a babystep

    Monday, 17 September 2012 @ 3:00am

  579. 579: ViNo Gravatar says:


    Monday, 17 September 2012 @ 3:02am

  580. 580: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    I just saw the movie “Enchanted” about a cartoon princess who is thrown into the real life world in New York.

    There are SO Many amazing examples of Feminine Energy!

    the way she says welcome, how emotionally expressive she is

    especially when she is at a ball, and she is watinig to be asked to dance, she doesn’t assume anyone will aks her, but rather looks a lil upset and vulnerable!!! ohhhhh

    i felt so inspired by that vulnerable behavior


    Monday, 17 September 2012 @ 3:05am

  581. 581: ViNo Gravatar says:

    If I compare my self esteem to a young plant it looks pretty strong and healthy and bright green and full of life and willingness to grow! I think it’s 2,5 inches and it’s going to grow up to the sky and even further like magic beans hehe. I can see it

    Monday, 17 September 2012 @ 3:12am

  582. 582: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    yay Vi! mmmm yummy!

    My self esteem is a tall tree and theres way more room to grow

    i want it to spread wide tooo

    Monday, 17 September 2012 @ 3:56am

  583. 583: TamNo Gravatar says:

    577..yes Daria, the situation with MrP was blamey, absolutely, not all but mostly. It was pre-Rori.

    But the situation with my Dad not at all, I was only expressing how I felt, and he could not look me in the eyes….I suspect it was because deep down he knew that he was in the wrong to attack me like that.
    And, he did look like a little boy, actually.

    Monday, 17 September 2012 @ 4:04am

  584. 584: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    Tam – thanks for the advicev.! I’ll keep it in mind.

    Monday, 17 September 2012 @ 4:43am

  585. 585: SenaraNo Gravatar says:

    554 ladyinwaiting

    No need to apologize since you clearly stated your FMs. I would just lean back on this one.

    As for your toxic guy, I think you already know what to do, you’re just afraid to do it because you think that if you let him go, you will lose value. But you won’t, you will gain value instead, if only by starting to show him less attention, especially on FB.

    Try not to put so much importance on FB stuff. He unfriended you, so what? I think it’s good, since you won’t get triggered by his criticism anymore! Who needs that?

    Monday, 17 September 2012 @ 4:51am

  586. 586: BABNo Gravatar says:

    Good morning sirens!

    Im in need of some words of encouragement.
    I am struggling a lot with leaning back and letting my bf initiate affection/sex, kissing. I felt like i was trying to hard to get his attention by being overly affectionate and initiating sex.
    Well i have stopped seeking him out in our apt to give him kissed or to initiate anything else. and it has been about 5 days since he has initiated anything himself, and i am feeling very anxious and sad by this. We have gone from twice a day, a week ago to only twice this last week:( (It feels like a pattern) I keep telling myself it has nothing to do with me, and that he may just be stressed..
    Have any of you ladies experienced this with your men as you started to lean back and let him lead?!

    Monday, 17 September 2012 @ 5:03am

  587. 587: SenaraNo Gravatar says:

    Bab, if you have decided to lean back, it would be better for you not to have any expectations otherwise you end up disappointed, like now.

    Has he ever initiated anything since you started living together? Like at the beginning, for example?

    Monday, 17 September 2012 @ 5:39am

  588. 588: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    I am feeling very happy and tired and relaxed right now and will go to bed soon but thought I’d pop in quickly.

    TH and I had a big talk yesterday after I tried to end things with him – again. Yup, I am the control freak from hell, so yet again I tried to end it with him in order to get that control back. I failed! lol

    That guy sooo does not want me out of his life – it became painfully clear and he told me I was being unreasonable and overreacting. He then gave me examples to prove to me that he cares about me, right down to when he came home the night before after being out, he suddenly felt sad and missed having me there with him.

    He then took me out to lunch yesterday, then last night he stayed the night and was more affectionate than he has been in a LONG time (during our talk I mentioned how good it would feel to receive affection sometimes – he is NOT an affectionate guy).

    Today while he was in a meeting he also left me a little present – afternoon tea! Awww!

    So yeah he’s being really sweet right now, like he’s trying to prove to me that I’m his one and only and that he wants me in his life.

    Meanwhile I’m still making plans with friends and doing my own thing while trying as much as possible to keep my focus on ME!

    Night everybody.


    Monday, 17 September 2012 @ 5:57am

  589. 589: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    Oops, while *I was in a meeting, he left me a present. Gee, I do need sleep! lol

    Monday, 17 September 2012 @ 5:59am

  590. 590: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    Annie – 553 – Letting go of the need to understand can be enormously freeing. It’s in a sense a desire to control, and all we can control is ourselves.

    Chances are pretty good that he doesn’t even know why. You could speculate, and come up with many possibilities of why, and when it comes down to it, does it really matter?

    If it feels bad to which it would to me too, then it feels bad. This is what matters. How you feel.


    Monday, 17 September 2012 @ 6:10am

  591. 591: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:


    That sounds lovely how he reacted. Maybe he is getting to know you better also in the process of all of this and he is showing you that he is here with you no matter the insecurities :-)

    I would want to check in with myself and try to pin-point what brings these situations up where you want to just break-up or leave him behind. Is it that you are afraid of the commitment yourself or of being hurt? what does this bring up for you?


    Monday, 17 September 2012 @ 6:10am

  592. 592: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    I feel so confused but also excited. I was feeling so sad yesterday and I just let myself feel all the sadness and cried really really hard and I felt such relief afterwards.

    Right after, I was going out to my car and a man was walking his dog, and he started walking towards me. He looked at the license plate on my car (which has something about where I’m originally from in the lettering) and asked me about it, telling me he was from the same place.

    What part? He said. and I told him. and it just felt nice to talk about my old home and have someone who knew it and relate and connect.

    He was just really nice to me. and his dog was so sweet, and she seemed to really like me and it felt so reassuring and warm.

    After we had been talking for a few minutes, he asked me my name and I told him and asked him his name. Then I asked if he lived in my neighborhood and he said yes he did and told me what street he lived on.

    I feel a little nervous that he knows where I park my car and live.

    But I felt really safe with him too. I haven’t had a stranger talk to me like that when I wasn’t already “out and about” doing something.

    Guys always seem really interested in talking to me after I’ve been crying really hard!

    This other time these guys at a sandwich shop bought my meal for me after I walked in there after crying really hard.

    I don’t think you could tell that I had been crying really hard, but maybe they could tell, I don’t know. I remember feeling really vulnerable and shy at the time.

    It feels so good to have men take care of me when I’m feeling sad!

    I’ve heard that tears turn men off, but I like the way I get treated after I’ve been crying!

    It seems to draw the men into me!

    What does it all mean?

    Monday, 17 September 2012 @ 6:25am

  593. 593: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Iamabutterfly for me all it means is about what happens after. I have recently, unplanned, ended up crying in front of two men and am surprised that they keep showing up for me and wanting to help. That is all I need to know because I am so sick and tired of being strong sometimes.

    Monday, 17 September 2012 @ 6:29am

  594. 594: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    ((((Femininewoman)))) – I feel sick and tired of being strong too. It feels so comforting that so many men just want to support and be strong for women, when women allow themselves to feel vulnerable and show their weakness.

    Monday, 17 September 2012 @ 6:40am

  595. 595: KylaNo Gravatar says:

    i have the relationship i want with my man and it feels delicious and supportive and passionate and fun
    it is only partly what i originally thought i wanted
    R makes love to me all day long in everything that he does, it is amazing how good it feels
    when i opened my eyes and my heart and stopped expecting things to “be” a certain way i finally got all the love and caring and support and romance and passion i could ever dream of and he now shows me in the ways i imagined too now that he feels appreciated for all the things he was already doing that went unnoticed by my expectations so i get everything

    its awesome now to notice how i feel gooey hearted and cherished when i enter my bedroom at night and our bed is made with the comforter and pillows we chose and my side is turned down for me and R is standing beside the light switch waiting for me with a smile as he knows i like getting into bed first, love a made bed and feel like a goddess when he turns down the bed for me, feel excited and safe when he chooses to come to bed with me every night, when we are sleepy he puts his arm out so i can shnuggle in and strokes my hair mmmm sometimes he will pillow talk sometimes we are silent and sometimes he will even sing to me.. yummy
    he asks me every day how i feel, he will rephrase when i am in boy mode and ask but how do you feel little one and i will instantly sink and feel moved and safe and express myself and even the ugly emotions the ones i always felt afraid to share with anyone even they make him soften and suddenly his arms are wrapped around me and he is telling me its all ok and i feel understood and loved and safe

    Monday, 17 September 2012 @ 6:44am

  596. 596: Goddess LilyNo Gravatar says:

    BAB, I got nothing for you. I has the exact opposite thing happened where I was dealing with a guy who needed me to initiate to make him feel wanted….and that felt girly to me. Needless to say I want very good at it since all previous men has always been comfortable initiating.

    Monday, 17 September 2012 @ 6:45am

  597. 597: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:


    Monday, 17 September 2012 @ 6:46am

  598. 598: AnnieNo Gravatar says:

    589: Dominique says:

    “Annie – 553 – Letting go of the need to understand can be enormously freeing. It’s in a sense a desire to control, and all we can control is ourselves.

    Chances are pretty good that he doesn’t even know why. You could speculate, and come up with many possibilities of why, and when it comes down to it, does it really matter?

    If it feels bad to which it would to me too, then it feels bad. This is what matters. How you feel.”

    Aww thanks Dominique, it does feel bad to me.
    I don’t want to give a man another chance who says he isn’t in love with me.
    It feels Bizzare he is slowly stepping up re childcare issues although not consistently yet.
    And wants to do stuff for me.
    But so what if he isn’t in love with me. I still would not ever want to be married and be lovers. YUCK!.

    I only want to be married and be a lovers with someone who is in love with me. I don’t want to settle for a surface level relationship where my core needs as a woman are not understood and met.

    Monday, 17 September 2012 @ 6:48am

  599. 599: Goddess LilyNo Gravatar says:

    BAB, I agree with Senara. It’s the expectations that get us in trouble.

    Monday, 17 September 2012 @ 6:49am

  600. 600: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    :: “I Feel Like Screaming!” ::

    As you embrace the idea of honoring your emotions as
    Inner Guidance, you may wonder, “But what about when
    I’m so frustrated that I *feel* like screaming at my

    First, understand that your Emotional Guidance is
    meant to guide your *thoughts*, not your actions
    directly. As your thinking comes into alignment with
    your Authentic Self, you’ll be inspired to better
    actions. Negative emotions are cues to *go within*
    and get centered *before* you act.

    Second, realize that when you’re angry *at* your
    child, it’s only because you’ve been culturally
    conditioned to believe that if you feel bad, someone
    must be to *blame*. And it feels better to blame
    someone else than to blame yourself.

    The key to moving beyond blame is to *allow* the
    blameful thoughts, but take no action against the
    “blamee”. Take only the “inner action” of reaching
    for better-feeling thoughts.

    If you can’t stop yourself, try deep breathing,
    taking a walk, or screaming into a pillow —
    anything to redirect the energy harmlessly.

    Monday, 17 September 2012 @ 6:50am

  601. 601: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    What a morning.

    I lost my bank card Saturday.
    I cancelled it and ordered a new one.
    I will only be getting it on Wednesday or Thursday.

    Yesterday, I panicked a little.
    I can’t go grocery shopping for the week.
    I can’t go buy cigarettes.
    I had to do without my ‘buying’ addiction.

    Then my cable service shut down.
    I called technical service, but they can’t fix it.
    They are sending a techy over Wednesday.

    Remember I was pointing the finger at D for his addiction again of always going to the outside of himself for satisfaction, which he never gets, it’s never enough.
    – If we move in together and the money thing is solved, the work thing is solved, I’m afraid it won’t be enough and he’ll want more from the outside again, and I’ll end up abandoned again.
    Always something keeping himself from intimacy with me? Why can’t he just ‘be’? –

    Whatever I’m pointing the finger at, I have it and hiding behind his to cover mine up.

    What am I if I can’t go to the outside to buy anything without my bank card at the moment?
    How does that feel?

    How do I feel without being able to buy my cigarettes?
    What do I do without cable tv?

    Oh, I’m stuck just ‘being’ with myself.
    I feel I’m not enough.
    Why am I not enough?
    Why do I need outside stuff to feel complete?
    I don’t feel complete with that outside stuff.
    Feeling incomplete, only brings me to feel more incomplete.

    I looked for food inside my home.
    I found plenty.
    I looked for something to do.
    I have this blog, I have all I need to create my wishboard which is all about being with myself.

    Not only do I not have a bank card this morning, I forgot my lunch at home.
    I forgot my pass and keys to get in my office.

    I feel weird.
    I feel lost.
    I feel OK with those feelings.
    I’ll be sitting all day without my pretty lunch bag, without my own keys and pass.
    I’ll be 3 days without my bank card.
    That feels scary.

    I feel OK with those feelings.
    I know I’ll be fine.

    But it gets me thinking…The Universe trying to show me my attachment to outside things.

    I feel OK being attached to outside things.
    But I get to notice that attachment.
    I get to be with me.
    I get to feel what it feels like to be enough.
    I get to notice I can feel OK without them.

    I used to feel angry and impatient at myself for being so absentminded.
    I’m noticing how I can feel OK with that instead.

    Monday, 17 September 2012 @ 6:51am

  602. 602: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:


    SA, BW,

    I do that too.

    I’ve been wanting it to be about walking away from bad behaviour.
    But really, I think it may be about control.

    Monday, 17 September 2012 @ 6:57am

  603. 603: AnnieNo Gravatar says:

    He says I am not giving him a chance to be that man and he wants to be that man.

    Trying to convince me with his words.
    I feel coerced manipulated.
    I hear him when he says he is sorry he made mistakes.
    But I do not see it in his eyes.
    It doesn’t feel right.
    There is no emotion in his eyes when he says this.

    It all feels too clinical, cold!!!!!!
    I feel cold, shakey shivery.

    Monday, 17 September 2012 @ 6:58am

  604. 604: KylaNo Gravatar says:

    i completely agree with this article
    i feel proud of myself that i can see the truth now
    i wasted so much time and energy in the past and suffered because of it
    i am amazing
    i deserve to be treated with love, respect, loyalty
    i chose that for me and the crumbs stopped being offered, the men that couldn’t give me what i wanted disappeared or i left them behind
    a whole new world of amazing, fun, compassionate, supportive and loving people entered my life :)

    i still cd of course, i cd myself, with my girl friend, with colleagues and with every person i meet, i smile, make eye contact, give them my full attention while feeling my feelings and i act surprised. i use lots of feeling messages but mostly i concentrate on me, my body, my feelings and let my energy be open, loving and inviting. people can come and go as they please and it feels good to have soft open hands that don’t hold tightly, don’t grasp or try to control anymore
    i had 2 men in work decide i need to go to lunch more and have organised 5 lunches for me in the last 2 weeks, thursday 8 men in the office brought me out lol each lunch they have insisted on paying for, i can hear them saying to the other men who say they brought lunch ‘but we’re bringing Kyla out”, they all make a big deal out of saying yes then lol this is my new job i have only been here 3 months and i feel so welcome, accepted for me. i smile and feel girly and switch hats back and forth and it feels so much fun. i like making new friends, i love feeling surrounded by good men, i love accepting their help, their advice and their company
    R loves it too lol he knows i am his girl because he is my man and he loves that men everywhere see how wonderful i am he tells me it makes his chest and ego swell that i am the prize and everyone knows it lol he talks about me all the time and his friends and colleagues love me before i even meet them
    i feel powerful now that i’m vulnerable and open
    i smile when i remember how closed i felt before trying to protect myself
    this is the safest i’ve ever felt
    rori is right when she says its counter intuitive and she’s right about the results too

    Monday, 17 September 2012 @ 7:00am

  605. 605: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    Iamabutterfly – Showing your emotions whatever they are is being vulnerable, and this is what men are attracted to, authenticity. It is not weakness though. It’s quite the opposite.


    Monday, 17 September 2012 @ 7:03am

  606. 606: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    Kyla – 594 – This is beautiful.


    Monday, 17 September 2012 @ 7:05am

  607. 607: cocokissesNo Gravatar says:

    Wow, I am starting to feel turned off to my husband, for his lack of stepping up in the romance department. I also feel bad, because my expectations may be TOO high, for where we are right now. D@mn this feel hard!!!!! He doesn’t seem to be turned on sexually by me, and if he is, its only a little bit. I figure there must be some attraction felt on his part, or else he wouldn’t be hanging around at all, but I don’t want to be nieve. He told me that his biggest issue with coming back, is that he didn’t feel the passionate love he wants to feel. Hearing that makes me feel sooo worn out, and turned off. It feels bad to be around a man who isn’t on fire for me. When he says these thing, it makes me shut down sexually towards him, like I don’t want to be flirty with him, cause it might come across as beng desperate, which I am not. I don’t know what I am NOT doing to make him feel this way, or what I am doing. I look in the mirror and see a sexy woman, and I don’t feel good about over functioning in order to get him to see me as a sexy woman. Other than being myself, and doing things to make me feel sexy, I don’t know what to do. I’m go get a Brazilian wax and take a pole dancing class this week. Maybe he’s turned off with my wieght gain…I remeber Rori saying something about it being our responsiblity to atleast maintain ourselves and that men’s penises don’t work that way…something to that effect. The only thing is I feel bad, because I am dealing with a thyroid condition, and am just getting my body balanced and starting to lose the 60lbs I gained as a result ……oh well I’m going to get off line and do something loving for MEEEEEE. Time will tell.

    Monday, 17 September 2012 @ 7:07am

  608. 608: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    Yes Annie regarding 597, one hundred yeses.

    You want it all, and this is what you shall have.


    Monday, 17 September 2012 @ 7:08am

  609. 609: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    Lilibee – I feel in awe of your processing and these amazing revelations. YAY you!!!


    Monday, 17 September 2012 @ 7:11am

  610. 610: cocokissesNo Gravatar says:

    Oh and I failed to mention that he (my husband) told me he feels he has a “problem” with looking at women and he also said that lately he’s been watching a lot of porn. This made me feel uneasy, and turned off. This to me is a red flag, and may be a huge contributuing factor to our sexual intamicy. I want a husband who only has eyes for me. What do you sirens think?

    Monday, 17 September 2012 @ 7:11am

  611. 611: KylaNo Gravatar says:

    thank you dominique :)
    and congratulations on your marriage 😀 your shoes were awesome lol
    i have missed having the time to be here but i have been reading both yours and roris articles
    big warm squishy hugs

    Monday, 17 September 2012 @ 7:12am

  612. 612: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    Kyla – :)


    Monday, 17 September 2012 @ 7:14am

  613. 613: BABNo Gravatar says:

    Yes Senara, he was always the initiator in the beginning and for a good part of our relationship, then i became more comfortable and started initiating a lot myself, then we went to half and half and now im letting him initiate. He has however in the past said that he likes when i take control and for lack of a better word (use him) But i wasn’t sure if i should still be doing that if i am trying to switch the masculine feminine roles back to where they belong, according to what feels right to me.? p.s I had also stopped initiating a while back, because i was always getting rejected and it hurt sooo much.
    So i think that leaning back is the way to go.

    Monday, 17 September 2012 @ 7:18am

  614. 614: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    aaahh LiliBee. I am wondering if Gay Hendricks book “The Big Leap” could help you at this juncture.

    Monday, 17 September 2012 @ 7:19am

  615. 615: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Two years ago I had just gone through the most heart-breaking experience of my life: the end of my 8 year marriage.

    If you are dealing with huge strain in your relationship right now or if you are emerging from a relationship that has just crumbled, I am writing to you today.

    Back then if someone had said, “This is the best thing that can happen to you,” I wouldn’t have believed it.

    If someone had said, “You totally co-created this consciously or not,” I wouldn’t have believed it.

    If someone had said, “You will now create everything you’ve always envisioned,” I would be curled up into a ball and asked that someone to go away. Please.

    No lie: my broken relationship was the second most incredible gift, next to the birth of my daughter.

    I sit here, two years later and marvel at all the light, the power the expansion that has been born out of that dark time.

    I stayed in something broken for way to long because I could not see another way. In fact, I could not even admit to myself the brokenness of the whole situation.

    I was scared of so many things: failing, being alone, meeting basic survival needs, of letting people down, of damaging my child.

    I settled for broken, I saw only brokenness… because I was broken.

    Everything we experience, everything we see in our lives, everything that happens, is one giant mirror reflecting the dynamic inherent within us. I know that now.

    And a whole lot more.

    I know that: had I recognized my brokenness and mended it, had I taken my happiness into my own hands , the seams of my marriage would full well have been mended too. Guaranteed.

    This crucible taught me very quickly how to NEVER let “life live me” again, and how to instead take life by the horns.

    It taught me I am powerful beyond measure.

    It taught me how thrive no matter what, how to ‘rock’ chaos.

    It taught me that I am the master of my story to the eensiest detail.

    It taught me that I am bigger than anything that happens to me and that all that happens is at my whim.

    It taught me how to recover quickly from the hard knocks: the very key secrets to take something broken and craft something ingenious.

    And the best part is: each of us can do this.

    If you are inside or just coming out of something broken, know you are the creator and the beneficiary of all that is coming to you now.

    You have a choice: if you decide that this brokenness is a great gift, guess what? It will be and you will thrive.

    In today’s blog post I wanted to share my POV on HOW TO OVERCOME REJECTION which is something that comes up in the brokenness a lot!


    Embracing all pieces, broken or not,

    Bec Robbins

    Monday, 17 September 2012 @ 7:28am

  616. 616: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Dead ends hurt. ‘NO’ hurts. There no doubt about that.

    But it is never the rejection around the job or other person that is hurting us…it is what we are THINKING about that rejection that’s causing our pain.

    Rejection hurts lot more when we think it means:

    I suck.

    I’m not good enough.

    They don’t love me or want me.

    I’m a failure.

    I don’t deserve that.

    Rejection becomes intriguing when we reframe it to mean:

    I’m learning.

    I’m brave.

    I’m expanding my life. I’ve outgrown this.

    There’s a better way than this. I will not find what I’m looking for here.

    I’m creating something different.

    So how do we get there, how to we reach a point where we can reframe what rejection means?

    Monday, 17 September 2012 @ 7:35am

  617. 617: SenaraNo Gravatar says:


    Monday, 17 September 2012 @ 8:16am

  618. 618: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    Hi, there’s a new thread up.

    Monday, 17 September 2012 @ 8:20am

  619. 619: SenaraNo Gravatar says:


    Have you told him that you feel hurt when he rejects you? That you would feel so good if he were to initiate things again, like he used to do in the beginning? Maybe tell him that you miss the attention and how it makes you feel when you get it and when you don’t.

    You could practice writing your speech here if you feel unsure of what you could say.

    Monday, 17 September 2012 @ 8:22am

  620. 620: RadloveNo Gravatar says:


    599 – Right on! Excellent wisdom.

    Monday, 17 September 2012 @ 8:23am

  621. 621: coco kissesNo Gravatar says:

    Wow, I am starting to feel turned off to my husband, for his lack of stepping up in the romance department. I also feel bad, because my expectations may be TOO high, for where we are right now. D@mn this feel hard!!!!! He doesn’t seem to be turned on sexually by me, and if he is, its only a little bit. I figure there must be some attraction felt on his part, or else he wouldn’t be hanging around at all, but I don’t want to be nieve. He told me that his biggest issue with coming back, is that he didn’t feel the passionate love he wants to feel. Hearing that makes me feel sooo worn out, and turned off. It feels bad to be around a man who isn’t on fire for me. When he says these thing, it makes me shut down sexually towards him, like I don’t want to be flirty with him, cause it might come across as beng desperate, which I am not. I don’t know what I am NOT doing to make him feel this way, or what I am doing. I look in the mirror and see a sexy woman, and I don’t feel good about over functioning in order to get him to see me as a sexy woman. Other than being myself, and doing things to make me feel sexy, I don’t know what to do. I’m go get a Brazilian wax and take a pole dancing class this week. Maybe he’s turned off with my wieght gain…I remeber Rori saying something about it being our responsiblity to atleast maintain ourselves and that men’s penises don’t work that way…something to that effect. The only thing is I feel bad, because I am dealing with a thyroid condition, and am just getting my body balanced and starting to lose the 60lbs I gained as a result ……oh well I’m going to get off line and do something loving for MEEEEEE. Time will tell.

    Monday, 17 September 2012 @ 8:23am

  622. 622: RadloveNo Gravatar says:


    594 – How beautiful! You are describing a dream!

    Monday, 17 September 2012 @ 8:29am

  623. 623: SenaraNo Gravatar says:

    Coco kisses,

    I don’t know about the other sirens, but I would ask myself whether I want to be with a man who has no sexual attraction to me or not. You could end up resentful or worse yet, he would probably start looking elsewhere for what he’s missing.

    Hugs to you, I hope you find what’s best for you to do.

    Monday, 17 September 2012 @ 8:35am

  624. 624: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    Oh sweetheart, Cocokisses, this is not at all about you. If you want to take care of you, eg. lose weight or take a pole dance class, then you want to do this for YOU. NOT HIM. You cannot force attraction. You cannot force love. And this doesn’t at all mean there is something wrong with you. You are FABULOUS, period, full stop.


    Monday, 17 September 2012 @ 8:41am

  625. 625: LadyinwaitingNo Gravatar says:

    #575 Annie thank you
    #584 Senara-that is part of what I was thinking, by being brave enough to comment on his posts-all I was doing was giving him the opportunity to inflict more pain.
    I can realize this morning-he has been in pain for months. And that pain was opened and triggered partially by meeting me and my different approach to relationships that I have been learning. Other females have walked on eggshells and agree with everything he says.
    I, because of my past, have learned to say no, choose to hold people accountable, and ride away on my lovely horse when I have to.
    He is extremely uncomfortable with being held accountable to think when presented with a feeling message.

    I am not questioning my feeling messages. I have learned, practiced them and know they are authentic and careful. They make me feel calm and open.
    I confess,
    What I believe I am lacking or have a wall around, is my ability to STOP trying to control how, when, what for and if, the other person will respond to a feeling message.
    I feel I have made a mistake in expecting a solid full response from him when and how I thought a response should come.
    No, I don’t feel rejected.
    I actually have kept my distance and balance by choosing cd the whole time. Maybe I was too aloof in this case to be fully human.
    I was angry with him in May. He had been inviting me to see him for months-after I had walked away from his negative behavior last fall.
    I finally felt like I could trust him, said yes, and then at the last minute he hesitated made some excuses and I said no. He actually sabotaged the request he created to be in my presence for the second time. That was why I was gone last fall.
    I know now it is not my fault and I could not have done anything to make him feel safe.
    It is who he is. Passive aggressive-2 steps apparently in the right direction and then claim the steps were never there.
    I had told him in May (after) to speak his truth or never contact me again. He did not let me go then. Yes, I am triggered to tell him to speak his truth everytime he underhandly put me down, or criticized me or ignored me this summer.
    Right now I feel I did say and do and behave my best with this-except for wanting him to respond to my demands when I thought he should.
    There in lies the truth.
    I love who I have become as a person to be authentic with who I am and what I feel,
    I don’t like wondering if I missed knowing him on his terms.
    And, 2 people who are trying to control the emotions in the world around them adds up to a stalemate-not a place to grow.

    Monday, 17 September 2012 @ 8:52am

  626. 626: TereanaNo Gravatar says:

    Tam – it’s definitely ok to cancel a date you don’t feel like going on. I’d say that’s good practice in putting yourself first :-)

    Monday, 17 September 2012 @ 9:39am

  627. 627: TereanaNo Gravatar says:

    So, vman is still there. He never really goes away, apparently. It’s all iny head, I guess. He’s still there, and he likes me. There’s nothing I need to worry about. Probably just making a big fuss over nothing.

    Still, I won’t put myself out for him.

    Keeping focus on my life, making me happy, and doing what’s best for me.

    Best of all, I realized there is absolutely nothing I need to do to make him attracted to me. I am already incredibly sexy. nd he shares so much with me. I can lean back, and watch and just see what happens. Whatever it is, it could be interesting…

    Monday, 17 September 2012 @ 9:42am

  628. 628: BABNo Gravatar says:

    I have thought about talking to him about it, but i cant come up with a way to tell him and say what i m missing with out making him sound like hes not doing enough
    I would like to say to him, “That i love the way he cant keep his hands off me, and that it makes me feel super sexy. But also sometimes i feel really lonely and anxious when our sex life goes up and down all the time. And that im confused by why it does go up and down.. but then i wouldn’t know what to say after that if he asks if its something hes doing?

    Att: Dominique, does that sound ok?

    Monday, 17 September 2012 @ 9:51am

  629. 629: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    BAB – First of all it’s not uncommon for sex to have its ebbs and flows. For most men, if their mission, i.e. job/career, is out of order, so will his parts.

    If think this might be what’s going on, I would ask him first this. “You seem distracted lately (or far away). I miss you. I miss feeling close to you.”

    If you really don’t think this is it, how about this. “I love it when you cant keep your hands off me. I feel so super super sexy. I’ve been missing this lately. I’ve been feeling a bit lonely even sometimes. Is there anything you want to tell me/share with me?”


    Monday, 17 September 2012 @ 11:45am

  630. 630: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    Tara – You do this by doing it, little by little. There was never really anything there, at least from what you are saying here. I don’t know if you’ve been sleeping with him in which case it will be more difficult for you, for you’ve attached chemically to him.

    This is really not the best time for you to looking for an exclusive relationships anyway. You need some time to heal from the divorce first and then from this what seems to be an imaginary relationship.

    And you do this by putting all of your focus back on you. Do you have work you love? Hobbies? Is there anything new you’ve been wanting to explore and haven’t? Are there friends you’ve been neglecting? Go meet some new ones. Join a meetup group maybe. Or take a class whether it be an academic one or dance or something else.

    Do you take good care of your physical body, good nutrition, skin care, exercise? Do you have clothes you love to wear, which make you feel sexy?

    Fill you life up. Fill yourself up. This is how you heal.

    The more confident you feel, the more love and respect you can grow for yourself, the more people will be drawn to you, men and women.

    But more importantly, you get to feel really, really good.


    Monday, 17 September 2012 @ 11:55am

  631. 631: BABNo Gravatar says:

    Dominique- that gives me a whole new respective, thank you! I feel it may be his financial stuff that hes been trying to get in order that may be distracting him.
    Its hard not to listen to the voices tho, and feel its something im doing.

    Monday, 17 September 2012 @ 12:32pm

  632. 632: BABNo Gravatar says:

    I should have added that today i sent him a txt saying “how good I feel when iam with him” Now iam wondering if this will conflict, if i say i miss you, i miss feeling close to you? :/

    Monday, 17 September 2012 @ 12:40pm

  633. 633: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    Probably not BAB. Men have rather short memories for these kinds of things usually plus if he’s at work, it likely did not really sink in if he’s even read it yet.

    Keep imagining that all is well, live your life AS IF, as if he’s being/giving all that you want in this moment. Summon up a memory where he is so that it feels genuine. And try to remember that this is your truth, not the gremlins.


    Monday, 17 September 2012 @ 12:55pm

  634. 634: BABNo Gravatar says:

    I see what you are getting at. He isn’t at work today but i know hes keeping himself busy. I will keep that in mind and continue to be positive and not give in.

    Monday, 17 September 2012 @ 2:19pm

  635. 635: taraNo Gravatar says:

    Thankyou 630: Dominique
    i do work i enjoy and i like to keep fit and look after myself, but yes we did sleep together and we have even spent the weekends together, i will try to fill my life up, that is a good idea it will keep my mind off of him. he has since txt me saying he saw me out and he complimented me txting me good nite with a kiss, i did not reply to his txt. I am feeling more confused with him and yes i do agree there was no relationship there, i will try to keep a positive attitude and i am trying to heal but my ex husband doesn’t help things he still wants a relationship, i got a divorce because he was abusive for 25 years.
    So i am trying to take baby steps and sort my life out, but i am finding it hard at times.

    Tuesday, 18 September 2012 @ 12:23am

  636. 636: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    It’s a process Tara. Try exercising some gentleness and patience with yourself. And if you need support, the women are wonderful here. Join in on the latest thread. You will get responses and help. I try to be there as guest coach as much as time allows too.


    Tuesday, 18 September 2012 @ 7:04am

  637. 637: taraNo Gravatar says:

    I just found out my fella had already a girlfriend of two years, and i was the other woman, i suddenly was not unhappy for the way i got treat by him yes i was angry at being used but i feel like i can now get on with my life and i have broken his chains, my sympathy goes out to his girlfriend of two years, who i spoke to and she was nice, i said sorry because i did not know about them and if i did i would not have had the relationship we had. Now i can consentrate on what makes me happy, full my life up and start to heal after my divorce, and mend any broken ties due to my marrage, i feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders, reading these comments and getting the responses i did, has helped put things into perspective.
    many thanks

    Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 5:53pm

  638. 638: sunshineNo Gravatar says:

    I went salsa dancing today and a really hot guy danced super close to me. I practiced being and feeling and I felt anxiety, nerves, excited, sexy, warm, and happy and I felt all of them and leaned back and we danced so close! he leaned his head on me wow I got a little wet;) I feel giggly and a little embarrassed to share that but I like saying it because its a testimony…feelings work! and even when its scary just fully feeling feels like Im really improving:p thanks Rori!!

    Sunday, 23 September 2012 @ 8:08pm

  639. 639: OrchidNo Gravatar says:

    Certainly NOT! Time to move on.

    I was in a similar situation, I can clearly see that my ex can’t make a commitment. It’s time to move on! I am walking away from our nearly 2.5 years relationship! You can’t force someone to love you. Just learn to love yourself first! Someone better is right around corner!

    Sunday, 23 September 2012 @ 8:45pm

  640. 640: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    Brava to both of you – Sunshine and Orchid.


    Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 6:43am

  641. 641: LostLoveNo Gravatar says:

    I realized I placed the following post in a less appropriate Blog entry. This one seems more appropriate.

    I was reading all the posts and decided I would post my situation. Maybe it will make me feel better or maybe it won’t. My love of 7 and 1/2 years has decided he no longer wants anything to do with me. The hard part is he still lives in the same house as I do however he sleeps in the basement. We have the same situation as a lot of people where it would cost too much to maintain our home. I have been trying to pick myself up and dust myself off for a month and a half now. I am the typical woman that was attempting to do all the CONVINCING which just drove him away ever farther. I have to admit I was not a good partner or team player at times. We both would work hard (him harder) but when it came to doing things around the house that would help him I would fail. It was always about how I felt and what I wanted to do or not do. It wasn’t on a level that was helpful. There is more involved then just this but the bottom line he feels it is a little to late. It is great I see it all but he is done.

    I keep trying to accept reality but it is hard. I have this incredible need to always be home. I don’t want to go out for anything. I don’t even want to go to work because all I do is stare at the screen trying to figure out what that one thing is I could say or do to turn things around but there isn’t anything. He has to want to and I don’t want to convince anyone to stay with me but it is so hard to fight the urge. I feel like such a weak woman. I am giving him all this power and for brief moments I am able to get it back but then fall back when I see him again. I just want him to hug me and tell me it will all be ok but that isn’t going to happen. It is just so hard. My heart hurts so much in my chest. I just want it to go away. I want to get a good nights sleep again without thinking about all this stuff. I know it will get better some day. It is just really hard right now.
    Thanks for listening.

    Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 7:40am

  642. 642: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    Lostlove – I’m sorry this has happened, and as difficult and painful as this feels, there are some wonderful lessons for you to learn if you so choose which it seems you are.

    Be kind to yourself during this time, exercise gentleness. Try your best to get yourself interested in something, anything.

    There is more I want to suggest, but not right now, not until you feel a little better. Please come here as often as you feel you want to. The women here are wonderful and will support you through this time. If you go to the latest thread, you will find everyone.


    Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 10:13am

  643. 643: StarbrightNo Gravatar says:


    First of all ((((LostLove))) – hugs to you!!! Aw, sounds really tough! Keep reading and posting! And, I would suggest do some things that feel good to you such as a bubble bath or sit in a hot tub, a yoga class, a great cup of tea or coffee, mani/pedi, a new hair cut or color or highlights, massage, out to lunch, A new sexy outfit in a color that makes you feel good…and start looking for classes, meetup groups, places you thrive that have nothing to do with your guy.

    It doesn’t matter what the blog posting content is about …post your entry onto the most recent blog where other sirens are most likely to see it.

    Go to the blog at the top of the page here:


    Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 10:15am

  644. 644: taraNo Gravatar says:

    lost love
    i know exactly how you are feeling as i went through the exact same thing but with my husband who is now my ex-husband. Your not a weak woman you are a strong and caring woman with a lot to offer any man and if he doesn’t see this then he is the weak fool. it is a bad idea to both live in the same house i have done this and doing by doing thisyour not letting your self heal.
    like dominique says Be kind to yourself during this time, exercise gentleness. Try your best to get yourself interested in something, anything.
    meet up with friends and take time out to sort your thoughts out, my thoughts go out to you with big hugs

    Wednesday, 26 September 2012 @ 1:07am

  645. 645: LostLoveNo Gravatar says:

    I thank everyone for their words of strength and kindness. I wish you were down the street to go and get a cup of coffee and chat. Through this whole mess I have also found I have lost a lot of my friends. I never had a lot to begin with. It appears I focused so much on the relationship for the past 3 years and trying to control everything it all became about me with my friends and I stopped listening to people. I mean really listening. I stopped calling, etc. Now that I am reaching out there is nothing but hurt and anger from them or no call backs. I do understand it and it is a hard lesson to learn. I did find a volunteer group to join but there isn’t much interaction with other members of the group but I still feel good about helping the community. I am looking for other groups to get involved with or taking a class doing something I’ve always wanted to learn. It would be different if my kids were younger as I would be doing more with them which would have kept my mind off things. They are at the ages now that they have there own things they are doing and don’t want Mom around. So I find myself on Friday and Saturday nights alone with no kids and I am sitting around upstairs while he is sitting around downstairs. I need to get out of the house. Just reading my own words makes me sad. I know it will get better. I can only change the future. I just am so amazed I let it get like this. I don’t know where I went.

    Wednesday, 26 September 2012 @ 4:52am

  646. 646: taraNo Gravatar says:

    When i found out my fella had a girlfriend and caught him with her, he told her where i lived then after that, she kept on coming around asking about whether he had contacted me, which he hadn’t. Every morning i woke up with my stomach tied up in knots, my hands were shaky and i was feeling anxious, but i didn’t know why, so i wrote down what had happened since i caught him with her e.g. her coming around and what she said. I also wrote how i felt, saying what he did was wrong and calling an end to his game. I had this for a week then i posted it to him, i do not know whether it was the right thing to do or the wrong thing to do but some how i felt i needed to do this to get closure. You see he wouldn’t talk to me that day, she did, he actually ran in the house after i left and he hid inside and wouldn’t come out to talk to me. So i felt like i never got closure, so writing this letter was my way of getting closure, saying my piece and having the final word. I do not know what will happen, but as far as i am conserned i have had my say and that is that.

    Healing takes time
    I will keep you all posted
    xxxx :)

    Sunday, 30 September 2012 @ 12:52am

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