Comments on: Dating and Money

By: Seablaze

Seablaze — Wed, 07 Apr 2010 12:34:03 +0000

Thanks so much for your responses!! Rori, I actually got the impression that he is stingy from him mentioning the coupon on more than one occasion. But perhaps I could be wrong. Ada, thanks for the advice, but I just think it’s best not to give him any false hopes since I really don’t feel any chemistry or compatibility with him. I also forgot to mention he talks mostly about himself and his work which also is kind of a turn off. He barely ask questions about me. I think I will have to let him down gently. Thanks for the advice!

By: Ada

Ada — Tue, 06 Apr 2010 17:15:21 +0000

Seablaze – I’m with you on the coupon! It’s one thing for him to mention it in passing but to keep saying it would also make me cringe! It made me laugh though and I suppose you could take a chance and go out with him once with a smile on your face (after all you dont have to worry about wasting his money – he has a coupon!!!)

By: Rori Raye

Rori Raye — Tue, 06 Apr 2010 16:44:42 +0000

Seablaze, Welcome, and reading your comment makes me want to put on a character – a marvelous Southern Belle who’ll flick her hand and say “Honey, whatever are you doooiiinngg…?” If you’re not interested in him for other reasons – if you just can’t get yourself up to a 6 or 7 out of 10 in feeling attracted to him as a person and as a man – then just say” I feel awkward, but I just don’t feel we’re a match and I don’t want to waste your time, so, no, I thank you for the invitation, but no…..” but – a COUPON hunter turns you off? So he gets excited about coupons and freebees and saving money – I don’t hear you say he’s ungenerous or stingy…where’s your sense of humor? Please don’t get into casting aside perfectly good men for such small, inconsequential – possibly even fun – things. Love, Rori

By: Seablaze

Seablaze — Tue, 06 Apr 2010 16:18:45 +0000

Okay I met a guy that wants to date me, however he he keeps emphasizing that he has a coupon for this restaurant he wants to take me to. It is really turning me off of dating him. I don’t expect a man to take me to some fancy restaurants or anything like that, but still – a coupon?? I’m not really attracted to him at all especially after hearing that and I don’t want to waste his time. He is a really nice guy and I feel that I have to find a way to tell him I’m no longer interested. What do you think??

By: Julie Ferman, Cupid's Coach

Julie Ferman, Cupid's Coach — Sat, 26 Dec 2009 11:22:30 +0000

Great article, Rory! I especially like the creative, inexpensive date suggestions. As a personal matchmaker, I find that the high maintenance Princess type is a big turn-off to many men; today’s single relationship-seeking women are wise to listen to your advice. There are ways of being feminine and receiving during the early dates without being burdensome financially to a man who wants to be a Provider, but who needs to be responsible about managing his resources.

By: Mercedes

Mercedes — Thu, 03 Dec 2009 15:03:09 +0000

AGirl: I’m not much help with the money thing. I made a LOT more money than my ex-husband and he was very, very intimidated by that. He never felt like “the man” and resented everything about my job. That wasn’t the only reason our marriage didn’t work, but it sure didn’t help matters. Your situation is a tough one. I guess it depends on two things: 1. The specific man in question and how well he can handle it. 2. Your own needs and desires (ie do you want a man who has the ability to take care of you financially in your same lifestyle if he needed to, or do you not care). No advice here, just been there and understand what you’re going through.

But I do have some additional thoughts on your question: “Also, if I decide I don’t want to get married again, but want to keep him committed to me, should I still circular date?”

This is where I’m at right now. I don’t want to get married and I’ve been dating my boyfriend for about 4 years. I tried being exclusive with him for a time and he ended up cheating on me. When he was busy working on himself and trying to get me back, I was circular dating up a storm and I have zero regrets about that. Once J fully committed to me, I stopped circular dating. We are exclusive and in love and we’re going to spend the rest of our lives together. So, for me, I dated other men until I had what I needed from J. If your goal isn’t marriage, what is it? At what point do you have what you need? Is it buying a house together or living together or is it a verbal from him about comittment for life? For me, it was a series of converstions about our future together and it was after he convinced me we would spend the rest of our lives loving each other in a monogamous relationship. It was a LOT of convincing and it was when I felt in my heart that we had a bond stronger than any marriage vows could ever give us. Then…I no longer dated other men. For other women, the “goal” might be marriage and to others, living together and still others might want a child together. Whatever it is YOU need in order for you to know he has comitted is when you’ll stop circular dating because you’ll be positive you are spending your life exactly the way you want to spend it.

I hope that makes sense…

Much Love,
Mercedes

By: AGirl

AGirl — Tue, 01 Dec 2009 05:25:52 +0000

This is a tough one for me because I make more than twice as much money than my boyfriend. Yes, I said boyfriend. He practically begged me to be his girlfriend about a year ago and I finally said yes. Now, he works too much and spends less time with me so I’m thinking about trying circular dating. I let him take me out on a nice date occasionally where he pays. I know it makes him feel good and I try not to feel bad about it. The bigger issue is that I wonder how we will ever integrate our lives. I’m not sure I want to be married again. I have a young daughter so I have to consider her. I also have a nice house. He lives in a very small, not so nice apartment. My mortgage is 5 times his rent. Plus his utilities are included in his rent. I often buy groceries and we make meals together. He buys a few from time to time but I keep my kitchen pretty well stocked so most of it comes from my pocket. Is this okay? If we ever got married will he ever be able to feel like he can provide for me? I’m not even sure how comfortable I would feel paying most of the bills. I wouldn’t want to put his name on the house either since I would be continuing to pay for most of it. I sometimes wonder if he works so much to try and make up for it. He doesn’t get paid for his extra hours though. He did earn a promotion but what he makes is still not worth the hours he puts in. I’m not sure how to tell him that what I need is his time, not his money. At the same time I’m not sure how things will work this way. Does anyone have any advice about the money difference? Also, if I decide I don’t want to get married again, but want to keep him committed to me, should I still circular date? I’ve tried some of the other things Rory suggests such as not calling him as much and this has helped him to call me more like he used to.

By: alias girl

alias girl — Sat, 25 Jul 2009 03:06:08 +0000

patricia carney welcome. rori’s tools may be helpful for you. the ebook is a great place to start. also there is a lot of information just on rori’s website and blog.

i feel compassionate. i used to feel a lot of confusion and anxiety around my relationships with men (and people in general). rori’s tools really helped me a lot.

By: patricia carney

patricia carney — Thu, 23 Jul 2009 16:18:14 +0000

hello rori well last week was really tough for me as I didnt have to think about my ex as weeks came by I have been clearing my mind a lot to get rid of my anger and jealousy including the hatred of him being with the wife ok so I will tell you the honest truth about me and the ex well as I explained in all of those recent post comments how I felt about my ex we have been secretly together for three short years now of getting to know each other the trouble started a while ago when he was engaged to the wife seven days ago and planned the wedding in spain I am his ex girlfriend this was a little bit awkward I have met his wife a few times in limerick and I felt really uncomfortable around her being there in the house and there was silence between me and her as we never talked to each other I have done something really awful and horrible to her the swearing and the name calling there was a lot of heated tenstion but we didnt argue there was no point I recently started writting horrible mean letters to her but I didnt mean what I said it was the heat of the moment that caused us not being friends I was just explaining how I feel about her and my ex thats all it was not planned by me and it is not my idea it was my jealously of her that there was a horrible rift between us I felt really awful the way I have treated her I really felt hurt by that marriage proposal and the worse thing is I have been l etting my frustrations out on her by a big mistake I have regetted it since that secret proposal started it was my anger towards her and I was being horrible and mean to her as well andrew was there when it happened the heated tenstion between me and her his wife of ten years for the sake of their marriage me and her should be good friends for him she didnt do anything wrong I did by not trusting my ex and I was letting all of my anger out on her but I still trust him and have faith in him like I should trust her too and have faith in her to be a good friend to me it is been a while now for weeks since the trouble started with my ex not trusting me and we broke up as a resualt of that and that shocking proposal too it is defiantly not a affair as I HAD a awful and horrible breakdown because of that marriage proposal I only had a major crush on on him a while ago I just found out he is married to her I was really struggling with that now for a few couple of weeks it is before he got engaged seven days ago to her we had a one summer romance and a chemistry which sparked fireworks and a spark in spain a discret secret relationship I was his secret girlfriend nothing
else happened with us that was it we never dated kissed or held hands at all no strings attatched thats why we never told his wife together what was going on between me and him please help me make amends with my ex and his wife with fiach and cormac too to repair the damage and trouble I have caused bewtween the two brothers my past boyfriend johnathan kilpatrick and my boyfriend of four and a half years

By: patricia carney

patricia carney — Thu, 23 Jul 2009 16:09:04 +0000