If you’re feeling overwhelmed and frustrated – especially with all the help and options you find online and just in the sheer numbers of single men everywhere… if you’re frustrated with the process of dating, the hopes you have for your romantic future that you hope dating will lead you to…if your “dating equation” is dating = dread, disappointment and despair – where one minute you’re up and the other you’re very, very down – I know how you feel, and there’s a way out of it.
There’s a way that dating can be – yes – FUN. Fun, and full of desire and excitement. Way more up than down.
I’m married now, and brilliantly so, and for a very long time – but it wasn’t always like that. I was there in the pit of despair for more years than I care to remember, crawling out for dates and crawling back home, and I don’t want you or any of my clients to be there.
The technique I discovered that stopped all that pain and frustration, that led my husband to me and made me able to have the dream relationship and marriage I have is so simple, and yet so far away from what anyone was doing then and what anyone is doing now…I had to put it into a form I could teach. That form is a Tool I call “Circular Dating.” It’s the cure for everything negative about dating, and fastest way to get your Mr. Right.
The way Circular Dating works, and what makes it work so fast, is that it’s about getting you your Mr. Right – and in the fastest, easiest, most fun way possible – but without focusing on getting you your Mr. Right.
How can that be? You get what you want but that’s not what you’re going for? Yep. Here’s how Circular Dating works:
Every single minute of every day where you’re out in the world or at an online dating site or on Facebook, or social networking, or looking at clubs and meetings and activities and classes in your neighborhood – you have an opportunity to get closer to your Mr. Right.
Yeah – there’s the part about – you may actually meet him that way. You might actually connect with Mr. Right online or through a Facebook friend or at a class or lecture – or even a bar – but that’s not the “opportunity” I’m talking about here.
Circular Dating says that if you use every opportunity with every man everywhere (even for brief seconds in the market or the dry cleaners) to get yourself better prepared for Mr. Right – Mr. Right will simply show up. Circular Dating says that if you interact with every single man who shows up – if you talk to them, sit down with them, meet them, walk with them, date them (yes – all at the same time, no falling into the “girlfriend” trap allowed here), sometimes even sleep with them (the rules for this are very customized), your Mr. Right will show up – and he won’t have any nonsense about him.
The nuts and bolts of Circular Dating is time management, managing what you do and say, and managing your emotions, too. Juggling men and opportunity is a new game here – it has shortcuts, rules for you to make for yourself, and short term and long-term goals to set for yourself.
Done right, Circular Dating gives you all the advantages of being pro-active for yourself, with none of the fallout of accidentally pushing good men away with what I call Forward Leaning, masculine “chasing” behavior. Because in Circular Dating, the goals have nothing to do with the “man.”
So…here’s what you Practice:
2. Receiving Love:
This is about learning how to love. Because love, and inspiring a man to fall in love with you forever is all about you being able to RECEIVE love.
Most of us only know how to GIVE. We give for lots of reasons – because we’re taught that’s the way to get to a man’s heart (it isn’t) and because we saw our mothers do it, and because we think it’s the way to be a “good woman” (we get “giving” all confused with “kindness”) – and because we’re SCARED to GET love.
We think it should be natural for us to want to be loved. We think it’s easy to receive love – because we dream about it and fantasize about it so much – but the truth is – if we weren’t instinctively RUNNING from love, we’d have it already! Even in a long, tortured, hot-and-then-cold relationship – if we find ourselves still THERE – then we’re running from love.
There’s a reason for all those Mr. Wrongs.
There’s a reason for all the time you spent with a man and read him wrong (where he seemed too good to be true and then he was). There’s a reason you thought you’d end up at the altar and you ended up in the pit of broken hearts. There’s a reason all the men who show up for you seem the same. The same level of maturity, the same level of commitment-phobia, the same level of masculinity.
3. Instant Connecting
To get out of singleness, and connect with your Mr. Right, you have to be able to connect. And connecting is a skill set! We’re so often now afraid of being hurt, afraid of being rejected, afraid of being intimate, afraid of being SEEN. We’re afraid of being ourselves, because we’re so required to be “a product” in social networking and online dating profiles. It’s this fear that closes down our hearts, makes us get cold when a man comes near, and keeps us from connecting.
Connecting is about Emotion. And we women have all been sold a lie that men don’t like emotion. That they’re “afraid” of emotions. Well, men can’t stand “drama” (and that’s what they mean by “being emotional”) but they fall to their knees in adoration for a woman who can Feel.
Connecting means taking your walls down. Being who you are and loving who you are. Feeling your feelings and sharing what you feel in words a man can hear – simple words that feel real to you and real to him. The incredible thing that happens when you learn to do this is that you become magnetic. You become irresistibly attractive. You make a man feel excited and safe – all at the same time. When this happens – you connect straight to a man’s heart – instantly.
And how do you do this?
Take a look at how you’re NOT doing this, right now.
When you go to the coffee shop, do you look at the floor, at a book, at your coffee cup? Or are you spinning around in your head, thinking about things? Well – no one can connect to you like that. There’s no invitation there.
Or, are you so on the lookout for a good man that you’re on your tippy toes, looking around, starting conversations, chatting – trying to drum up Mr. Right? Well – no one can connect to you like that. Everyone’s as afraid of being steam-rollered or clung to as you are.
When you’re on a “date” with a man, or just having a conversation – are you talking about business, or what you “think” about things, or giving him information? Or are you sharing your feelings and experiences of the day in an emotional, juicy way? Are you in your head, or in your heart?
4. Free Therapy
Circular Dating helps you keep the focus off of any particular man by keeping your focus on YOU. If you focus on healing your old wounds and undoing your old useless patterns, and learning new, more intimate ways to talk and be with a man (this has nothing to do with sex) – you can cure neediness, desperation, fear, depression and the closed down opposite – the “I don’t care’s.”
Instead of thinking of dating as the “path to Mr. Right” – you think of dating as “Free Therapy.”
How can this be? How can a clueless or unavailable or over-eager or even unattractive man be your therapist? And for free?
Well – this way: You don’t pay for anything on dates, so it’s free. And therapy is, in my work, healing yourself in the presence of someone else. So with Circular Dating – you get to heal yourself in the presence of every man you encounter – even if it’s only for a brief second.
You might have gone out with a man who was like a stone, but you connected with the waiter. You might have gone out with a man who adored you but made you want to run because he never stopped talking about himself or making sexual remarks – and you practiced being yourself and speaking the truth with him and shared exactly how that made you feel – and so you walked out of that date feeling powerful and more who you really are. Success! You’ll stop judging how an evening went by checking off one more gruesome date, and start appreciating how an evening went by checking off how your practicing went, and if there was anything to learn from the experience.
Being surprised means you give up control. You give up trying to make things “happen” in the moment – while staying focused on your long-term goal – a magnificent, committed relationship or marriage. You give up trying to have a wonderful evening, give up trying to get the man in front of you or the man who hasn’t yet called to DO anything. While you stay proactive in your love life by creating and taking opportunity, you are NOT proactive about any specific or particular man. You get out of your own way by not focusing on loving any one man – and instead focus on loving yourself.
Being surprised means each moment is new. You’re starting over. Everything’s fresh, washed clean every single moment. It’s not knowing – and when you practice enough – not CARING what’s going to happen. It’s about being curious instead of obsessed. Interested instead of focused. It’s about holding your happiness above all other accomplishments, and trusting yourself to choose in every moment whether or not you want to be there.
With enough practice – the willingness to be surprised is so pleasurable…you’ll actually FEEL the romance come into your life.
Here’s the Basic Drill for Practicing Circular Dating (the Hows of it, all the nuts and bolts, every baby step, is in my Targeting Mr. Right program):
1. Love yourself hard (hug yourself often and never beat yourself up for mistakes)
2. Set it up so you’re in the middle of opportunity – online and where you go and what you do
2. Once you’re in the middle of opportunity – practice just being – instead of doing
3. Smile at everyone you see if you’re feeling good – and if you’re not feeling good – work on THAT
4. Talk with every man who talks to you first.
5. Go out with every man who asks you unless he frightens you.
6. Get curious – about the world and everyone in it and everyone you see and talk to
9. Express instead of Impress (forget all about what anyone else thinks – you just love YOU)
10. Speak the Truth
11. Speak only about yourself. No gossip, no analyzing him or anyone else, no judging. Just YOU.
12. Be Surprised
Try these and see how it can change your love life practically overnight.