“Effortlessly Attract Love” FREE Teleclass On February 4th With Helena Hart

Helena is fantastic – super smart, super able to put what you need to know into words, and her clients are all having great success – so get your questions answered, get personally coached! and learn how to Effortlessly Attract Love on February 4th. Here’s what Helena says:

helena hartIf you’re frustrated with dating or you’ve been struggling in your relationship – or your love life is simply not where you’d like it to be – chances are you’ve been working too hard!

Join me on February 4th, 2014 at 5:30pm PST for my “Effortlessly Attract Love” FREE Teleclass!

In this free teleclass, I’m going to give you the tools that will turn you into a magnet for men, and show you how you can get MORE love by doing LESS!

Get your personal questions answered! Send me your questions today and I’ll answer them personally during the teleclass.

Here’s where you can find out more information about the teleclass, submit your questions, and get a local phone number based on what country you’re in (so you can call in to the teleclass from anywhere in the world):

http://helenahartcoaching.com/free-teleclass-on-february-4th/

I’m here to show you that you already ARE a man-magnet – you already have what it takes to draw men in and inspire them to give you all the love, affection, attention, and commitment you want and deserve.

I want to help you take away all the things that are blocking love from coming towards you, and then give you the tools that will magnetize men to you and make it so they can’t get enough of you!

Looking forward to seeing you on February 4th!

http://helenahartcoaching.com/free-teleclass-on-february-4th/

From Rori: I totally encourage you to take advantage of Helena’s free advice – and because she’ll be working live, by phone – she’ll take your questions and work with you, live! ((Oh – and she’s been personally trained by me (really a *Superstar* Rori Raye Certified Coach) – so I pretty much guarantee you a terrific teleclass experience…))

Love, Rori

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136 Comments to ““Effortlessly Attract Love” FREE Teleclass On February 4th With Helena Hart”

  1. 1: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    mmmmm

    Saturday, 1 February 2014 @ 8:02am

  2. 2: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    This the same Helena who comments?

    Saturday, 1 February 2014 @ 8:08am

  3. 3: Helena HartNo Gravatar says:

    FW – 2 – Yes! Hope you can make it!

    Love, Helena

    Saturday, 1 February 2014 @ 8:56am

  4. 4: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    I intend to

    Saturday, 1 February 2014 @ 8:58am

  5. 5: AkashaNo Gravatar says:

    I havent had time to catch up but wanted to vent.

    I feel sad S hasnt called again. I want to call but i wont because i need to remember i am the prize! But its hard to remember right now. Even though my day was super dull and fun. And now i am goinf into a movie. I miss him and wish he would call. Oh well. Need to move on and be happy without him.

    Saturday, 1 February 2014 @ 9:26am

  6. 6: LoveAlwaysNo Gravatar says:

    I will do my best to participate. Based on my interactions with Helena as well as her comments and advice to the sirens on the blog to be very helpful, on point and caring.

    Saturday, 1 February 2014 @ 12:43pm

  7. 7: LoveAlwaysNo Gravatar says:

    Oh, Congrats Helena – you will have a wonderful teleclass. I will put together a question and email it to you from your web site

    Saturday, 1 February 2014 @ 12:46pm

  8. 8: Helena HartNo Gravatar says:

    LoveAlways – Thank you so much!! Looking forward to answering your questions during the teleclass. Hope to see you there!

    Love, Helena

    Saturday, 1 February 2014 @ 1:08pm

  9. 9: ZaraNo Gravatar says:

    “Formidable” music and french text by Stromae
    _______________
    My translation

    Formidable. Formidable

    You were formidable
    I was formidably lamentable
    We were formidable
    Formidable
    You were formidable
    I was formidably lamentable
    We were formidable

    Oh! Baby! Ooops, Miss, I won’t chat you up, I promess, I swear.
    I am single, since yesterday damn it I can’t make babies
    And well it’s not… Hey ! Come back!
    Just 5 minutes, I have not insulted you;
    I am polite, courteous and a little formidably plastered
    And for guys like me you have else to do, he?
    You’d have seen me yesterday
    I was formidable, formidable.

    You were formidable
    I was formidably lamentable
    We were formidable
    Formidable
    You were formidable
    I was formidably lamentable
    We were formidable

    He! Take a look at yourself!
    You believe you’re beautiful coz you got married,
    But it’s only a ring, dude, don’t get carried away.
    She will dump you like they do each time
    And did did you tell her about the other girl?
    If you want, I tell her myself, so it gets sorted out,
    And to the kid too, well, if you have any.
    Wait 3 years, 7 years and then you’ll see
    if it’s formidable, formidable.

    You were formidable
    I was formidably lamentable
    We were formidable
    Formidable
    You were formidable
    I was formidably lamentable
    We were formidable

    He, little girl! Oh, sorry, little boy!
    You know in this life people are not mean nor nice.
    If Mummy is a pain in the a*s, it’s coz she dreads becoming a granny,
    If Daddy cheats on Mummy, it’s coz Mummy is getting old, he!
    Why are you turning red? Well, come back kiddo!
    What’s up with staring at me like at a monkey, you all?
    Ah, sure, you are saint monks, you all…
    Bunch of rhesus monkeys!
    Give me a baby monkey,
    He will be formidable, formidable.

    You were formidable
    I was formidably lamentable
    We were formidable
    Formidable
    You were formidable
    I was formidably lamentable
    We were formidable

    http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=AdWpgV2kO9w

    xxx

    Saturday, 1 February 2014 @ 4:15pm

  10. 10: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    I’m visiting a town I used to live in, and it’s been very emotional because I’m having so many flooding thoughts of my ex and our years together here…
    I was shocked how the emotions hit me so raw after 7 years. Feeling down on myself for still being single and down on myself for even writing that sentence.

    Saturday, 1 February 2014 @ 9:54pm

  11. 11: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    On the other hand I’ve been experiencing a flood of financial favor and friendships,,, for which I am so grateful. But I miss being in love and having that intimacy…

    Saturday, 1 February 2014 @ 9:56pm

  12. 12: CrisNo Gravatar says:

    @Zara you do a nice job with your translations, thanks! Is french your language?

    all the best

    Saturday, 1 February 2014 @ 11:10pm

  13. 13: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    I feel that leaning back in itself is refreshing and enough to ramp up my sirenish-ness :)…
    Then I move to waterwheeling and listening at level 2…
    Practicing silence and smiling, eye contact….
    ExoticCD is in contact with me but we are just friends. He is kind but stubborn lol and at times feels like he is matching my feminine energy…
    He wants to receive ,,, sometimes it feels “off” and I just lean back and stay silent.
    I have also discovered about myself that I am very traditional and I am not ashamed of that… And it includes the man being masculine and paying /planning proper dates.

    Sunday, 2 February 2014 @ 6:24am

  14. 14: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    ExoticCD does not do this so I am not “dating” him at all, but I remain with an open heart and softness.
    I’ve been working alot lately and with that comes alot of tiredness and in turn I conjure up alot of masculine energy for myself to “keep going”…
    If I’m not careful this energy stays with me and can make me feel prickly and unfeminine…

    Something I ponder at times is that I need to feel safe with a man and cherished…like I can cry or fall apart or express joy and happiness without being judged.

    Sunday, 2 February 2014 @ 6:29am

  15. 15: LisaNo Gravatar says:

    I went out last night to a Shakespeare play ( I was kindly treated by a friend) and then out to a tiny wine bar ( I don’t drink) for live music and dance… and the men were looking and smiling and I smiled back but I just didn’t have my usual sireny smile and glow…

    I think that…. this weeks emotions and me feeling deflated now…that somehow I’m not doing enough/or “doing nothing” enough of the tools.. ……. made me feel blah!

    and I struggle with how to not seek a to find a man / relationship and still smile at men and be siren, and look men in the eyes and all….

    I was a bit shy last night…..

    OXOXO

    Sunday, 2 February 2014 @ 7:35am

  16. 16: VeronicaNo Gravatar says:

    From the previous thread:

    Shannon -24 and Andrea – 25 – xoxoxo. Yes! I feel so heard right to the core and accepted, which is huge. I was concerned that this was very unhealthy on some level, but hearing that you’ve had this experience and/or understand helps me not to give it negative vibes. Thank you so much. Sometimes this love of my love for him feels so real and I don’t know if that will ruin the chances of future love for me, but I feel free of that worry now. Huge for me! I hold what you wrote close when I feel trepidation about this situation.

    Andrea – it took me days to face this and then some more to put words to it – I was crying when I wrote it because it felt so accurate to exactly how I was feeling. It was as though I was slowly learning to really listen to myself.

    Amber – 52 – Oh wow!

    (((Cupcake))) – 105 – I hope you’re feeling better

    Andrea – 118 – This is amazing and I loved the energy you both had and it put me just in the right frame of mind for the kind of fun I wanted to have when I went on my date.

    Lisa -129 – That quote by Charles Dubois is so good for me right now – thank you. And 130 is so gorgeous.

    Indigo – It’s so good to hear your voice here, I don’t know why, I just do : )

    Hearing about flowers reminds me of the only time I got a flower from BM. We were walking around the city at night and he saw a bush of small flowers, picked one and attached it to my hair. I felt so adored, I kept that flower in an empty chocolate box and only got rid of it about a month ago (that was so difficult to do). I never told him that I kept the flower, it was part of my private collection of his love tokens.

    Sunday, 2 February 2014 @ 9:09am

  17. 17: Helena HartNo Gravatar says:

    Lisa – 15 – “…I struggle with how to not seek a to find a man / relationship and still smile at men and be siren, and look men in the eyes and all…”

    Going straight to curiosity helped me a lot with this. When you’re standing in front of a man – really notice – do you really see HIM, or do you only see what you WANT from him (such as a relationship)?

    It might be helpful to get really curious about whatever man is in front of you at the moment – and ask yourself, “I wonder who he is?” rather than “Is he what I want?”

    Love, Helena

    Sunday, 2 February 2014 @ 9:53am

  18. 18: IndigoNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks Veronica xxx

    Sunday, 2 February 2014 @ 10:33am

  19. 19: WaterfallNo Gravatar says:

    FW ( from the previous thread)

    To be honest I can’t CD in the full sense. It is just not me. But I do agree with everything else you say, I am finding it hard to accept him for what he is. I always want more. It feels so hard to think like this….

    I need to work out how I feel.

    I don’t feel cherished. I know he tries but I just don’t feel it…

    Sunday, 2 February 2014 @ 11:40am

  20. 20: WaterfallNo Gravatar says:

    FW

    To be honest I can’t CD in the full sense. It is just not me. But I do agree with everything else you say, I am finding it hard to accept him for what he is. I always want more. It feels so hard to think like this….

    I need to work out how I feel.

    I don’t feel cherished. I know he tries but I just don’t feel it…

    Sunday, 2 February 2014 @ 11:41am

  21. 21: VeronicaNo Gravatar says:

    I was dreading going on the date yesterday, even contemplated not showing up. Feeling panicky about a sit-down dinner. The dinner seemed long, a lot of talking, sometimes my mind would drift, sometimes I could feel my delight come through when I spoke about things that I loved and felt relieved that I could do that, sometimes I could listen to him in a very focused way, I caught him looking at my body (not in a disgusting way though). He’s very good looking and there were moments where his interest in me felt tender. By the end of the dinner he was yawning and WE paid for our meal and I thought ‘well, this is pretty much over – in terms of romantic prospects for this date diminishing.’ I felt this need to take a walk, and I was going to do it alone after the date, I didn’t tell him. Then he asks if I’d like to take a walk, and I say yes (it felt pleasant to believe that he picked up on this somehow but I doubt that happened.) The busy nightlife part of the walk was okay and then we were walking back to where my car was, which is in a quieter area, only we walk way past it. I notice that maybe he doesn’t want to say goodbye just yet. So we walk in the dark quiet suburb area just talking and the conversation becomes more fun, and I remember how much I loved walking, and we come back and again I feel like he doesn’t want to say good bye, but this time I feel as though he wants to hug me or touch me. So we walk a different route, and there’s soft soft rain falling and we’re having fun and again I feel he doesn’t want to say goodbye. He then asks if he could kiss me which is a deep down thing with me that a man must ask for that first kiss. So we landed up kissing under trees in the dark in the rain. When cars drove past I pulled away saying I don’t want to be seen, when we’re by my car deciding to go to his place, I notice he waits for the cars to go by before he kisses me, which is incredibly sweet for me. We go to his place, and I feel as though he wanted to introduce me to his housemates, he wanted my presence in his place, again tender actions, like getting me a towel to dry my hair. This man likes to kiss me, and he enjoys kissing me very much, I’ve never kissed so much on a first date. And I’m just letting this all happen like all of me is noticing especially through how he touches me what this man’s about. He likes being touched, his touches are very gentle, careful of me. And I don’t feel huge passion when he’s kissing me, it’s physical action. But my self is so resigned to let him do and let me be/receive even when I felt moments of disgust – and things just fell into place – he stopped the behavior that brought about disgust in me and even said ‘sorry’ even though I didn’t say anything. I’m writing all of this in detail because I think I was completely missing his gestures of attraction or there’s so much that I’m not picking up on because at the end of the night I wasn’t thrilled or giddy, more like just feeling how I want me and my living and how I don’t want BM or LastCD –I just want to hide in my own life. Re-thinking last night’s date I realized I missed quite a lot in how sweet he was and that my expectation that a man on the first date should just know masculine ways was very much running under my thoughts. I do get a sense from him that he’ll slip into masculine mode very easily – already I can see that when we entered his building and apartment he didn’t open doors for me, but when he left he was opening all of them, considering my safety getting home. This morning he texted when I was already in ‘well, if I don’t hear from him again I totally understand’ thinking, he definitely wants to see me again. He really wants his housemates to know about me – he’s very good friends with one of them, his housemates are women, which I’m totally fine with now that I’ve met them. I keep feeling that I’m missing a lot that is coming from him. So much learning.

    Sunday, 2 February 2014 @ 11:46am

  22. 22: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    Veronica – It sounds as though you had a great date over all. There’s always more to learn and that you’re aware of it is awesome.

    Keep doing what you’re doing. Trying to BE in the moments, moment by moment, as much as you can, and try to be as open as possible to what he IS doing and saying which feels good.

    Are you letting him know what feels good? I.e. either saying out loud how good whatever it is feels or by melting, maybe letting out a sounds of pleasure, or both? Not only does this give him a better idea of what will make you happy and feel good, it will likely encourage more of this.

    Please try not to worry about instant attraction. Instant chemistry often spell disaster. The slowly to ignite ember tends to be the long lasting one.

    xxoo

    Sunday, 2 February 2014 @ 12:06pm

  23. 23: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Waterfall what to you understand Cdating to mean? You keep repeating that you can’t not realizing that you are in your own way blocking yourself.

    Sunday, 2 February 2014 @ 12:33pm

  24. 24: AndreaNo Gravatar says:

    hmmmm…. Veronica, the man finally slipping into masculine mode, that’s what happened on my date last night.

    He picked me up. Called when he was in my parking lot. I asked him if he’d like to meet me in the lobby, he said that no, he was fine waiting in the car.

    (I like it when my dates meet me in the lobby, in case he has flowers, or we can have an initial hug, or something. And it’s easier for me to allow him to open the doors for me to establish my femininity.)

    He didn’t come to the lobby. He didn’t get out of the car when I came up to it. He didn’t open my door for me. I was disappointed. But slipped into the car and we drove off.

    Our talk was nervous, jitters… and then when we got to the restaurant, he was making statement’s like.. “I like a gal who’s cool to hang out with.” “friendships with gals have always been my thing”

    I don’t know… and he hadn’t made any comments on my appearance or anything. No romance. No smiles. No connection.

    And then at the restaurant he would not even get out of the car until he saw that my hand was going for the door handle. He kept saying, “Okay, you wanna go in?” And I was smiling and waiting for him to get out of the car and come and around and open my door.

    Strange couple of minutes. Finally I said very sweetly.. “T, may I ask you a question before we get out of the car? I felt so wonderful and romantic with you last night. I felt like I was floating in your arms and that we really connected.”
    He said, “Yes. so did I.”
    I said, “I was wondering if something had changed tonight? I’m sorry but I was under the impression that you had asked me out on a date. Is this a date?”
    He said, “Yes. Oh yes. I definitely want you to see this as a date.”
    Then he paused for a moment or two and then he slapped his forehead and he goes, “Oh my God! I’m a buffoon!”
    He said every instinct he had was telling him that I was the type of woman who seemed more lady like and as if I would appreciate gestures of chivalry, but he said, “The last woman I dated actually got really mad at me for opening doors for her and offering to pay for things. She would yell at me and tell me that she wasn’t helpless.”
    I told him “Oh thank you so much. I really appreciate you explaining that to me because I was feeling unattractive and a little nervous.”
    From there on out, he opened doors, held my hand to protect me from slipping on the ice, told me how wonderful I looked, and then when we sat down at our table he helped me off with my coat,
    I blushed and gushed and said, “Oh thank you so much.”

    A young man from another table looked over at us and he winked at me and gave him a thumbs up. Like… “Way to be such a gentleman.”

    He ordered us a bottle of my favorite wine.. (after asking me what I prefer to drink.) And then when we opened our menu I told him… “I have to be honest, I feel a little out of place. I’ve come here for an appetizer before but never even glanced at the dinner menu.”

    He said, “Andrea, please order what ever you want from the menu. It’s on me. I so love to treat you.”

    I was happy as peaches.

    Well, later, we went to a bar to play some pool and we had a chance to really have a good conversation.
    I asked him, “How does it make you feel when you are on a date and the woman you’re with yells at you for opening doors and for offering to pay?”

    He said, “I guess, a little like I got my balls chopped off. I don’t know all the rules anymore. When I’m just being myself I want to take care of the person I’m with. Like, when I’m with you, you make me feel like I’m doing everything right. I like that. I guess I like a woman who is really happy being a woman.”

    I know I’m still learning. I’m glad that he let me kind of grill him about dating as well.

    Our date was great but then it veered off because after we played pool, neither one of us wanted to go home yet, (but we should have) He didn’t know where to go and I (as I am in the habit of doing) took charge. I brought him to a place with live music, it was horrible. I brought him to a place where I hang out with my friends.. again… horrible. I went into, I have to entertain him mode.. horrible… we kept drinking… horrible. : (

    So…. in my parking lot making out like mad college kids…. I finally told him I have to go and he wanted to come up and use the bathroom and I said no way. And that was that. Crap!!

    So… chuckling here…. I still have a lot to learn and it’s all practice. I feel really proud of myself for the first part of our date. And I now realize that I am allowed to save some fun for another night, darn it!!!

    But still, I’m happy with this. I feel kind of hopeful about myself.

    Sunday, 2 February 2014 @ 12:51pm

  25. 25: ShannonNo Gravatar says:

    Don’t you hate it when you feel like you had an epiphany, but then you can’t remember it? I sat there at breakfast and internalized another part of the teachings today, but I don’t remember what it was.

    I’ve also, by the way, sort of begun to internalize that I just make my desires of what I want in a man known… and the man decides whether or not he’s capable of it.

    Right now, it’s looking very much like my ex is just not capable of it.

    Sunday, 2 February 2014 @ 1:21pm

  26. 26: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    Andrea – I think you were amazing. ALL of it, even the awkward feeling points. You recognized this, and now you know going forward. And remember, you can’t really say (or do) the wrong thing with the right man (within reason of course, :) ).

    xxoo

    Sunday, 2 February 2014 @ 1:29pm

  27. 27: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    Shannon – It’s in there, trust in that. :)

    xxoo

    Sunday, 2 February 2014 @ 1:30pm

  28. 28: WaterfallNo Gravatar says:

    FW

    I guess what I mean is I go out socially and meet other men, and even go out with them individually but not on actual dates.

    Basically I have ‘friendships’ with men but if I feel they want more then I back off.

    I would have a problem with properly dating other men at the moment because I am in an ‘exclusive’ relationship.

    My boyfriend as far as I know wants an exclusive relationship with me. I think it would confuse him if I said I was going to date other men.

    Sunday, 2 February 2014 @ 1:54pm

  29. 29: WaterfallNo Gravatar says:

    …I also feel this relationship has knocked my confidence.

    Before I would chat to men and feel flirty and enjoy the attention.

    Now I am feeling paranoid and lacking in confidence…

    What is wrong with me…

    I feel like I live my life on a merrygoround

    Sunday, 2 February 2014 @ 1:58pm

  30. 30: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Your confidence can easily be lifted if you realize that there are a lot of men out there interested in you.

    Sunday, 2 February 2014 @ 2:09pm

  31. 31: WaterfallNo Gravatar says:

    Andrea

    Wow! You did fantastic!

    Sunday, 2 February 2014 @ 2:16pm

  32. 32: SophieNo Gravatar says:

    29 @ Waterfall – I believe your confidence can be lifted and your vibe with regards to how you feel about yourself by Cd’ing yourself and your world – finding the things that make you enjoy yourself – and I mean enjoy ‘being’ yourself – I get brought back to myself when I spend time with people who love and uplift me, when I pay some attention to what I like to wear, when I create something, when I play with children, when I make my house all fresh and clean…lots of things :) xxx

    Sunday, 2 February 2014 @ 2:29pm

  33. 33: SophieNo Gravatar says:

    Andrea – I love how you handled the change in behaviours you felt from your date – I love how you didn’t sweep it under the carpet…shining shining example :) xxx

    Sunday, 2 February 2014 @ 2:31pm

  34. 34: SophieNo Gravatar says:

    Veronica – I love the gifts you got from your date – so many things to feel curious about :) xx

    Sunday, 2 February 2014 @ 2:33pm

  35. 35: WaterfallNo Gravatar says:

    Sophie, FW

    I realise I have bags of confidence until I start looking at a man as a potential mate. Then I freeze, get tongue tied…

    Yikes, I didn’t realise how nervous I was !

    I thought I was super confident but I realise that I am only super confident if I am looking fir friendship. The minute I see a man as a CD I start to feel desperate and needy…

    Ahhhh… What is this about????

    Hmmm

    Sunday, 2 February 2014 @ 2:48pm

  36. 36: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    I felt a ping in my brain when I heard Rori say that Circular Dating is having open-hearted exchanges with people ; man, woman or child. or self, or a bumble bee or flower
    :-)

    It’s this which is the practice that makes you open and at ease with anyone.
    I think it could help you, Waterfall. Practice will make a sexy man create the same feelings in your heart as a bumble bee does!! And you will feel just as happy and alive.

    Sunday, 2 February 2014 @ 3:06pm

  37. 37: WaterfallNo Gravatar says:

    April Rose, everyone,

    I am like that until romance is added into the mix. Then I freeze. Really and truly freeze..

    It is unbearable…

    Sunday, 2 February 2014 @ 3:08pm

  38. 38: WaterfallNo Gravatar says:

    … And what scares me is it seems to be getting worse rather than better. I can’t switch off the negative voices in my head…

    I feel like I have to stay vigilant because often I can’t READ my own feelings. I miss all the signals so I just don’t SEE when I am being badly treated.

    Not sure if that makes sense…

    Sunday, 2 February 2014 @ 3:11pm

  39. 39: WaterfallNo Gravatar says:

    … And what scares me is it seems to be getting worse rather than better. I can’t switch off the negative voices in my head…

    I feel like I have to stay vigilant because often I can’t READ my own feelings. I miss all the signals so I just don’t SEE when I am being badly treated.

    Not sure if that makes sense…

    Sunday, 2 February 2014 @ 3:12pm

  40. 40: WaterfallNo Gravatar says:

    … And what scares me is it seems to be getting worse rather than better. I can’t switch off the negative voices in my head…

    I feel like I have to stay vigilant because often I can’t READ my own feelings. I miss all the signals so I just don’t SEE when I am being badly treated.

    Not sure if that makes sense…

    Sunday, 2 February 2014 @ 3:12pm

  41. 41: WaterfallNo Gravatar says:

    Sry for multiple posts !!

    Sunday, 2 February 2014 @ 3:17pm

  42. 42: cupcakeNo Gravatar says:

    Amber-

    Did you end up going out?

    Sunday, 2 February 2014 @ 3:23pm

  43. 43: SophieNo Gravatar says:

    If it feels like its getting worse it may be that it’s all coming into focus for you to heal :) do you have any thoughts about what it may be about? :)

    Hii Cupcake :) howre you xx

    Sunday, 2 February 2014 @ 3:26pm

  44. 44: WaterfallNo Gravatar says:

    Sophie

    Wow, that is such a difficult question. I have no idea what it is about!?

    Hmmm… Let me think?

    Maybe feeling scared, nervous, apprehensive, over whelmed…

    Hmmm…

    How to solve this though I don’t know

    Sunday, 2 February 2014 @ 3:53pm

  45. 45: ShannonNo Gravatar says:

    Waterfall, what I hear is a whole lot of “he wouldn’t like,”s and “I think he wants”s and “he wouldn’t want me to”s…

    You won’t flirt with other men because he wouldn’t like it…

    What would you say to another woman who told you, in essence, “He won’t allow me to…”?

    He doesn’t want you to do this or that… and what hold does he have over you? That he’ll leave?

    That’s the reason that you DO go out and flirt. Because then if he leaves, well… whatever. Leave, then, guy. Because you know what? I’ll be with someone else TONIGHT.

    NOW WHO HAS THE POWER? Now who’s afraid to be left?

    Think about it for a minute. If you weren’t so locked up in terror that he’d leave you, what POWER would he have over you? You’d be there because you WANTED to be, not because you were clinging to him desperately and groveling in case he might leave you.

    I say this from personal experience. The fear of being left is powerful. But the point of CDing is to remind yourself constantly that there are so MANY wonderful men out there. And MANY of those many, may be attracted to YOU and want you.

    Sunday, 2 February 2014 @ 3:55pm

  46. 46: WaterfallNo Gravatar says:

    For me staying in feminine energy is incredibly hard. I want to control everything and to give my opinion on everything.

    I find it very hard to be truly playful and feminine.

    Does that make sense?

    Sunday, 2 February 2014 @ 3:55pm

  47. 47: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    Waterfall,

    It is all about romance. All of it. That is what I see throughout Rori’s work.
    By practicing her tools and being in feminine energy, we are romancing ALL OF LIFE.

    Believe me, it will unfreeze you.

    Sunday, 2 February 2014 @ 3:56pm

  48. 48: WaterfallNo Gravatar says:

    Shannon

    I do go out and meet men AND very much flirt. I have no problem with that.

    I just feel that I would not kiss or have sex with another man whilst in a relationship with someone else.

    Sunday, 2 February 2014 @ 3:59pm

  49. 49: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    Waterfall 46

    It’s a switch (from boy energy to girl). You don’t want to try and change. It’s simply allowing your soft, warm, feeling girl-self to emerge. Sounds like you haven’t had much practice lately.
    Maybe start by giving her a cuddle (with your capable boy arms).

    Sunday, 2 February 2014 @ 4:01pm

  50. 50: ShannonNo Gravatar says:

    Waterfall, it is really starting to sound like this is something you’re doing to yourself. This isn’t this guy’s fault. He’s just a normal guy doing normal stuff.

    Your fear of abandonment or rejection, whatever, is causing this problem.

    I know, cause I recognize it. :p

    Please re-read the part in Rori’s e-book about the Nasty Voice. It will help a lot.

    There isn’t an issue with a guy canceling plans for reasonable reasons. Nor is he controlling you, if YOU are the one projecting that “I DON’T THINK he would like that”.

    It’s worth some serious soul-searching.

    Sunday, 2 February 2014 @ 4:04pm

  51. 51: WaterfallNo Gravatar says:

    April Rose

    I love your advice, it sounds like a lovely holistic approach.

    I just think that I’m not very aware of when I am in masculine energy – because I tend to be naturally more in masculine energy than feminine.

    I think it comes from how I was treated when J was younger. I was always made to feel not very feminine and treated like a boy.

    So I think I have a hang up about it. I tend to be more bookish and prefer being non-girlie if that makes sense.

    But I still want… No, long for a boyfriend…

    Sunday, 2 February 2014 @ 4:05pm

  52. 52: SophieNo Gravatar says:

    Waterfall – I am feeling confused – did you have the freezed feelings when you were dating your now ‘exclusive man’ or is this in relation to thinking about dating other men now?

    do you think he is maltreating you or do you feel scared, nervous, apprehensive, needy and overwhelmed – always and you did dating with him? Sorry asking lots of questions just trying to feel where you’re at…

    Dominique writes lots of great stuff about negative voices :) xx

    Sunday, 2 February 2014 @ 4:07pm

  53. 53: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    Waterfall – Maybe part of the difficulty here is you telling yourself you can’t do whatever it is, eg. allowing the negative voices or gremlins free rein in your brain. How about shifting this self talk first – you CAN do whatever you set your mind and heart to. And another piece to this is releasing expectations around this, i.e feeling okay when they voices DO start up. So you notice them, hug them, and gently push them aside. It’s a process, and this all takes time. Here’s an article from last week about exactly this. It may help.

    http://sexandheart.com/your-gremlin-friends/#comment-4135

    xxoo

    Sunday, 2 February 2014 @ 4:08pm

  54. 54: SophieNo Gravatar says:

    I agree with Shannon (45) – there was one comment waterfall when you said ‘i think he thinks or wants an exclusive relationship’ and I thought – what do you want? I like both Shannon and April Rose’s words – its about filling yourself up inside so that you’re happy and feeling in your own power – your focus is on you rather than the man xx

    Sunday, 2 February 2014 @ 4:12pm

  55. 55: ShannonNo Gravatar says:

    I love this analogy. It’s from Burt Goldman, he’s a wonderful teacher. Here’s how to change from your boy energy, to your girl energy.

    Sit up in your chair, and imagine holding a ball. (Get one if you can!)

    Now, imagine throwing the ball to a person across the room. Feel what your body does.

    Now imagine that this person threw it back to you. Catch it! Feel what your body does.

    You’ve just gone from boy energy (outgoing) to girl energy (incoming).

    Do that exercise a few times, and try to pay attention to the feelings you get and the way your body acts when you brace to catch the ball, versus when you throw the ball out from yourself.

    This is the receptive energy. It can be receptive to actions, thoughts, or energy. Think to yourself, “catch the ball” when you want to (MAN)age your man. Are you throwing when you’re catching? No.

    That visualization has been helping me lately, to not go to my ex so often. Puts you back into “acceptance” mode, and thus it’s harder to think of what to “do” (output).

    Sunday, 2 February 2014 @ 4:14pm

  56. 56: WaterfallNo Gravatar says:

    Sophie

    I tried to practise receiving with my current boyfriend. I have tried practising being in feminine energy but I realise now quite often I may be going into masculine energy without realising it.

    My feelings are frozen in the sense that I am feeling fake being in feminine energy and I worry that he senses that.

    Usually with other people I am very clear with what I like or don’t like. Some may say blunt. But with him I struggle.

    I think I am trying to stay in feminine energy but feel frustrated not to be able to get my point across.

    I think maybe I just try to hard to please. Staying in feminine energy for me sometimes feels like I am trying to please.

    Is he maltreating me? Hmmm… Yes, in ways he is. I need to address that.

    Does that make sense?

    Sunday, 2 February 2014 @ 4:15pm

  57. 57: WaterfallNo Gravatar says:

    Dominique

    Wow, I love that thought/image of hugging my negative voices!

    Sunday, 2 February 2014 @ 4:18pm

  58. 58: WaterfallNo Gravatar says:

    Sophie

    I guess I am trying to stay in the relationship because I still want to receive this man. I am trying to stay in feminine energy and not yell at him and push him away.

    I am scared of pushing him away I guess.

    Sunday, 2 February 2014 @ 4:20pm

  59. 59: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    Waterfall,

    No-one says you have to be the feminine energy partner in a relationship.
    If you feel happier cherishing someone else’s feelings, and having your opinions respected, then chances are you would prefer to have the masculine role in a relationship.

    There are lots of examples of women playing the masculine role in relationships with feminine energy men.

    Also, there are ‘buddy-style’ relationships where both people play both roles.

    Have you really done the soul-searching to find out which role is truly, deeply you?
    I would also ask myself if I am afraid of or unconscious of my true feminine nature?

    Sunday, 2 February 2014 @ 4:24pm

  60. 60: SophieNo Gravatar says:

    yes I understand how confusing it feels to be experimenting with new behaviours and how to integrate it so that it feels authentic it feels like you – my main issues have been and continue to be how to express how I truly feel without being aggressive and to continue to practise so that I don’t get maltreated etc – the scripting on here is fabulous for how to do that – I’m in awe for example with how many women on here are shining examples of how to begin – right from the beginning – expressing their ‘true feelings’ however uncomfortable that may feel or how much they fear the reaction may be and I know from reading how much they push themselves more and more out of their comfort zone – For me, its practise – my relationships have been messy but the more I practise and remain curious and aware the more things can shift – does that make sense? xx

    Sunday, 2 February 2014 @ 4:26pm

  61. 61: SophieNo Gravatar says:

    fear of pushing him away relates to what Shannon said – it is putting a lot of energy in his direction – energy that you could put into taking the focus away from him and the relationship and finding lots of other things that make you feel good and happy so that what he does and does not do doesn’t hold such power- also Dominique teaches a lot about really putting the focus on all the positive things the man does for us – making this our default position rather than fixing on what we don’t like and consciously choosing to trust that they love/care for us xx

    Sunday, 2 February 2014 @ 4:30pm

  62. 62: ShannonNo Gravatar says:

    April, thank you for that. It is good to remember that not everyone is “energied” according to our sex.

    I’m definitely a feminine person. And I’ve found that a lot of masculine women respond to me. I’m NOT saying lesbians, I’m saying just masculine energied women.

    For me, it has been very confusing to be raised in a culture that teaches “it is better to give than to receive” and feel guilty and ashamed because I enjoyed being given things.

    For some people, men OR women, it really DOES feel better to give than to receive. For me, I honestly feel that’s a trained behavior, not a natural one.

    So I think that you’re exactly right. It isn’t about our sex, it’s about our energy and our nature on an internal basis.

    When I began reading Rori’s work, it instantly felt RIGHT and I just KNEW, “This is ME.”

    Sunday, 2 February 2014 @ 4:34pm

  63. 63: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    I got my head messed up by feminists when I was in my teens. I got mixed up between men and women being of equal value vs. having the same roles.

    I was very feminine energy before that. Sooo grateful to Rori for her pathways leading me back into honoring my feminine soul.

    Sunday, 2 February 2014 @ 5:07pm

  64. 64: SyreenaNo Gravatar says:

    Hi waterfall, feel sad to hear you are being maltreated.
    In what ways are you being maltreated?

    Sunday, 2 February 2014 @ 5:14pm

  65. 65: LisaNo Gravatar says:

    I agree @Shannon about the it’s better to give than rec. I was taught that by my family of origin.

    I often have this question: I wonder though if it might also be that even as feminine women we can still give… and just do it without the masculine energy….. ( pardon my jumping in on this… I haven’t read all the posts)

    I feel curious about that… I think for me it is a joy to give (a blessed gift of being human) – I just don’t want to do it with the intent that it will “get me love’ “get me affection” “get me approval”……

    I feel very curious about this topic… great topic!!

    OXOXO

    Sunday, 2 February 2014 @ 5:14pm

  66. 66: LisaNo Gravatar says:

    @Andrea That is wonderful! Awesome! I love that too, when men do that… and I find that most men know instinctively…… awesome story!!! It just feels amazing…..chivalry isn’t dead… I love that phrase… I think Matthew Hussey is right… if you act like a queen they will instinctively know and it works wonderful for me..

    I can’t even fathom a women yelling at a man for doing those things…… poor guy!
    Go Girl!!!

    OXOXO

    Sunday, 2 February 2014 @ 5:25pm

  67. 67: ShannonNo Gravatar says:

    My view on the giving/ receiving thing is this…

    The biggest problem with that teaching is that it ends up with everyone wanting to give. When everyone’s giving, who is there to give to? People refuse to accept anything, except people who are trying to exploit people.

    The wonder of friendship is that friends want to be “used”. They say, “please call me if you need anything,” and they really, truly, sincerely mean it from the bottom of their hearts. But people don’t. Don’t want to “impose”, don’t want to “bother”, don’t want to “be a user”.

    Everything about accepting giving becomes about negatives. It’s not being receptive, it’s being a user. It’s not accepting friendship, it’s imposing. It’s not asking for what you need from a willing giver, it’s bothering someone…

    Let’s say that you’re pretty much fully in your feminine with your man. He’s giving, giving, giving… and you’re accepting, accepting, accepting… Now you have all this love flowing back out of you, and it’s naturally going to go SOMEWHERE. And that’s going to picture itself as simple affection, as sexual desire, as benevolence towards others in your family and your life.

    By our natures, once we allow others to fill up, it naturally spills out from us. But at that point, it won’t be to GET, because you’ll already feel filled up. It’ll just flow out, a flood that has burst its banks.

    The big hurtle is getting beyond the belief that you’re supposed to give, give, give, and accepting is imposing, taking, or selfish.

    Just my personal viewpoint; your mileage may vary. :p

    Sunday, 2 February 2014 @ 5:27pm

  68. 68: SyreenaNo Gravatar says:

    Also Waterful maybe what your soul truly desires is a respectful love where all parts of you are loved and respected. So to attract this from another first you have to do this for yourself loving and respecting all of you. Respecting and loving all of your opinions and feelings. Then your true soul match for you will do the same. Mercedes appears to have this. Maybe if she is around she may want to chip in on this. Only time will tell and examining your truth and what you truly want and desire will answer this. The answers are in you.

    Sunday, 2 February 2014 @ 5:39pm

  69. 69: LisaNo Gravatar says:

    @Syreena #68 So well written and well expressed!!! I love how you wrote “appears”… in my experience that is how to look at it… if I think ( I know) someone has something ( that may or may not be true) I tend to compare myself to what others have and then I’m back into painful thoughts and duality… <3 <3

    I thought I wasn't all siren-y last night b/c of something else… turns out.. I have a sinus infection and so that is why I wasn't feeling my happy perky self… I didn't stop and ask myself " how to you feel"…. I'm working on doing that more often / in the moment… instead of assuming I'm not working the tools……

    OXOXO

    Sunday, 2 February 2014 @ 6:32pm

  70. 70: ShannonNo Gravatar says:

    LOL, yes, Lisa, it is pretty hard to feel sireny with a face full of snot (so to speak). :D

    Sunday, 2 February 2014 @ 6:40pm

  71. 71: CupcakeNo Gravatar says:

    Sophie – #43-

    I’m feeling better. I finally feel like the food poisoning has left the building. Thanks for asking.

    Sirens, tonight I felt this absolute panic that Lord V. will no longer be in my life. It racked me through to my very skeleton.

    I was watching a documentary on the last few hours of Pompeii. Perhaps, retrospectively, that wasn’t the best choice. I’ve been dousing myself with such much comedy lately, having been in bed for several days, that it just seemed like a refreshing choice.

    I wasn’t even really paying attention to the video, just doing dishes, making list of things to do tomorrow, wondering where I’ll be next month, and such things- and all the sudden I felt terror- real terror- of OMG, WHAT IF LORD V. REALLY IS OUT OF MY LIFE FOREVER?

    This wasn’t even about a romantic relationship. This was about losing contact with someone who meant something dear to me. I’ve mentioned before that several of my dearest friends are exes. And it just shook me so deeply.

    I feel calmer about it now. I’ve been thinking about exes who have not remained in my life and yet I still have warm memories of. But the way that thought rattled me, scared me– well, it felt like an emotional earthquake while happening, and it felt really scary.

    It wasn’t even about Lord V. It was about not having proved myself to Lord V, somehow. Like if I were thinner when he was here- and believe me, I do think that mattered to him, not because he’s shallow but because he’s A GUY- if I hadn’t been so nervous all the time. I know I stayed in the moment when he was here. I can replay every blessed minute of our time together. The last time we spoke, I said, “It feels like you just left to me. I remember everything- I could draw you a map of every walk we took, tell you who we passed, sketch out the items in every gift shop we visited, recount frame by frame the movie was saw, tell you what we both ate and drank at every meal.” I said, “My memory is so vivid, and it’s like waking up from a dream of talking to you. I feel like you were just here.”

    He looked at me curiously and said slowly, “You know, I remember all that stuff, too. Well…maybe not the items in the gift shops. But the rest of it.”

    And I’m sorry I’m telling you all this, Sirens, because there’s nothing to be done– I know it’s over. There’s no romance. He didn’t want it as much as I did, maybe I didn’t live up to his idealized image of me, and maybe that has more to do with him than with me. I just felt so surprised when the emotional earthquake happened, a lot like the poor people of Pompeii must have felt when suddenly Vesuvius exploded and a cloud of volcanic ash lifted into the sky.

    I don’t know why it happened. I feel afraid I can’t control it happening. For me (unlike the poor people of Pompeii) the moment ended without my turning to charcoal from the intense heat. I just wasn’t sure, when it happened, what was happening. And it felt so scary. And I don’t want him to be gone from my life forever because I really did just LIKE him a lot as a person. And I miss talking to him.

    And I feel like such an idiot because I don’t want to be nattering on to you lot about this any more. I don’t want to feel it any more. I wasn’t even ever in love with him, and truth be told he wasn’t that great of a kisser and I didn’t feel that turned on by him, when he was actually beside me.

    Why did it rack me to my bones to recognize that he’s not going to be in my life any more?

    The Course In Miracles says we attract the things we defend against. And I feel like I so absolutely don’t want him to disappear forever that that is absolutely what will happen. He’ll be like the lovely boy I crossed Australia with in 1990, possibly the person I felt the most comfortable with in my entire life. Who also didn’t choose me, and who I haven’t heard from in years and years.

    Is that so bad? I ask myself. I still think that guy- the Australia guy- was wonderful and that was still a valuable lesson for me. I don’t need to carry the carcass around with me.

    I don’t know. I just felt really scared tonight, and I feel ashamed to tell you about it which is why I am making myself tell you about it. We are as sick as our secrets.

    It’s just time for something else to happen. He’s the past. It’s not that time anymore. It’s a different time, now. It’s change.

    That’s not something I should be afraid of. It’s so funny for me to fear change when my life seems to just somersault from one change to the next. And it’s so funny for me to be afraid of abandonment when my life is already so solitary that some days I don’t see or speak to anyone.

    See? We attract the things we guard against.

    Anyway. At least the food poisoning feels gone. Finally.

    Thanks for listening.

    Cupcake

    Sunday, 2 February 2014 @ 8:42pm

  72. 72: ShannonNo Gravatar says:

    Oh, Cupcake, sweety. *warm tender hugs*

    I was just about to go to bed, didn’t know why I stayed up so late (except I’m on the sofa cause the kid’s coughing like a train wreck all night).

    I completely understand. I think those of us most afraid of abandonment are the ones most likely to choose unavailable people. Someone who can’t be there for us, can’t abandon us, since they were never really that “there” to begin with.

    When I lost my baby son, I sat under a monument in GA, determined that I would sit there until I died. It was such a horrible loss that I really didn’t think I could live through it, simply on its own power.

    Emotions can be incredibly intense. And sometimes the worst part of it is that it’s out of our control. We want to believe that we can control our emotions, but once in a while, they just take us.

    There’s no shame in loving someone. We get attached. Almost all of us are here (if not all) because we want to love and be loved and have that be a lasting love.

    Why should you be ashamed of that? Then so should we all, no? Don’t ask us to be ashamed so that you can beat yourself up for a perfectly normal and natural experience of loss and grief and pain from losing someone you love (or the dream of being with him).

    Sunday, 2 February 2014 @ 8:58pm

  73. 73: CupcakeNo Gravatar says:

    Sirens-

    About the above post-

    What am I really afraid of?

    How can I get past this?

    I want to feel like I can quickly steer my feelings away from the tumbling down panic I felt tonight.

    Your insights are very welcome.

    Sunday, 2 February 2014 @ 9:00pm

  74. 74: TereanaNo Gravatar says:

    Andrea (24) that sounds like a really cool date!

    (((Cupcake))) so glad to hear the food poisoning is gone! Ugh. That is the worst. I seem to be really susceptible to it, too. I’ve had it like 3 times in the last two years. Blech. Anyway.

    Millie, I read something you wrote in the last thread that kind of triggered me and made me think. You asked what we thought about posting about guys that we have feelings for but are unavailable. Well, I think POSTING about them is, and should be, totally ok. We shouldn’t have to apologize for our feelings. And this should be a safe space to share without judgment. And if we are posting here we are less likely to be “chasing” him down. Or at least I am.

    It triggered me a little because I’ve been posting here a lot about S lately. And I KNOW that he has done nothing of late to show that he “deserves” my feelings. But I have feelings because I have experienced him giving to me, quite deeply (literally and figuratively, if you like. HA!) but posting here just helps me PROCESS those feelings. As does writing things out on paper, on my computer, whatever. I don’t need to save them, just get then out.

    And while I’m doing that, maybe I hear from someone else. Maybe I meet another cute guy. I get to pay attention to them more. But I help myself by acknowledging those feelings I have, even though they may be “inappropriate” or impractical. They are still real. And ignoring them would be worse.

    Does that make sense?

    Sunday, 2 February 2014 @ 9:06pm

  75. 75: TereanaNo Gravatar says:

    Ladies, I am happy to report that I’ve had a very good weekend :-)

    Like I said on the last thread, I got my hair cut. And the woman who washed my hair gave an awesome scalp massage (yay : ). It feels good to pay attention to my hair in this way.

    And then, I had a plan to do something in the afternoon. A friend called my to do something else. And I nearly changed my plan for her. And then I realized that even though I didn’t have an “external” reason to do the other thing I had planned, I had an internal one. So I paid attention to my heart and I did what I wanted to do! That felt so lovely and powerful in a way.

    I took some quality time to think calmly about what I really want to do with my life. Not panicking, like I usually do when I think about that. Just slowing down and observing what was inside of me. Then thinking of ways I could bring that out.

    Today, I was on my email, and I noticed I guy I used to go out with, and always thought he was cute was signed on. I thought about him, them forgot about him. Then he wanted to chat with me. And then he wanted to video chat! (He lives far away because I moved). It was nothing sketchy. He was fully clothed. Lol. It was just cute. He was cute. We had a nice chat, and I remember laughing and feeling happy and no pressure. It sounds like he might want to follow up and chat some more. And I’m going to let him lead that and do what he wants. I honestly had forgotten about him until today. Lol

    Andrea, I feel so inspired by your date! I love how you were so feminine and let him pull your chair out, and how he got the “thumbs up” from the other guy. And I agree. Sometimes with dates it’s better to “quit while you’re ahead.” But I wouldn’t beat yourself up. It is so great that he told you how he felt when the woman was yelling at him for doing chivalrous things. Graphic, but I think totally honest. That’s probably how almost any guy feels in that situation! So useful to know… Thank you for sharing that story! I hope you get to go out with him again….

    Sunday, 2 February 2014 @ 9:22pm

  76. 76: AndreaNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks Tereana, I felt proud of myself for the steps I did take in not writing him off right away and in really just expressing myself with out judgment in feeling words.
    It was a nice date. I’m looking forward to many more with other men as well.

    What I feel good about at this point is this: Today I woke up after a wonderful but of course imperfect dating experience. The world had not changed. I still had to do my homework, take care of my daughters, prepare my notes for a project, go grocery shopping….
    For the first time I’m able to wrap this weekend’s experience with a new man right up with the whole rest of my life to create a whole package of… this is me, all of me.
    I cook, write, laugh, watch the super bowl, go on dates, am a mother, am a student, have a brand new creative project that I’m starting, worry about money and friends and family, reach out to people, draw people in… etc…

    The whole story. I realized that with my past dating experiences, I always made the MAN.. oh THE MAN.. be the absolute center of my life. In fantasies, real world experiences, anxiousnesses, foating on air type romantic notions… etc…
    This time, it was just a part of the whole experience of a pretty terrific weekend including my nephew visiting, our trip to the humane society, a huge grocery shopping excursion, making home made pizza’s tonight.. etc… you know?
    It feels very healthy and energizing. I feel ready for Monday in a way I’ve never felt before. LIke, I’m really ready. This is all a part of what is simply MY life, like I’m not waiting for something more anymore. LIke I have exactly what I want right now, and am open to other stuff as well.

    It makes me feel powerful. I feel I’m just in my little plot of space on the Universe, and sometimes men come along and make me an offer, and at that point I get to consider the offer and choose yes, I’d like to explore or that, or.. no… for reasons I don’t need to explain or justify or apologize for… I don’t want what you’re offering at this time. Thank you!

    And I realized that I’m really extremely happy and getting very familiar with and loving that phrase… “Thank-you. Oh Thank you so very much! I just feel wonderful right now.”

    It’s like the more I say it, the more I think it, the more I let that phrase and the whole way that it makes my whole spirit just smile, just sink into the depths of me and rise out of the depths of me, the better I feel. Bubbly, and jovial, and joyful, and sunny, and just THank You.

    And amazingly I find that I have more and more reason to actually say it. : ) And part of me feels like… it’s not that I like to receive, or feel the need to give… I just like to get all bubbly and say Thank You!! I feel the most alive and the most like me when I have a huge smile on my face, blush red cheeks, and I’m gushing… Oh Thank you so very much!

    Sunday, 2 February 2014 @ 10:18pm

  77. 77: IndigoNo Gravatar says:

    Waterfall 38,

    Yes, it makes perfect sense.

    And confidence and awareness do not come overnight… they come incrementally and gradually through little changes and steps and moments of awareness.

    Taking a brief time-out to establish what you are really feeling, and then speaking it out to someone without blame, and trusting for the best outcome, is a great way to kickstart this process.

    Once you have confidence that your feelings are “valid” things will feel a lot clearer.

    Sunday, 2 February 2014 @ 10:19pm

  78. 78: IndigoNo Gravatar says:

    Waterfall 51,

    Another way to think of feminine energy is that you are being about *you*, rather than the man.

    When you are in feminine energy, you are not going over to his business, wondering what he is thinking, feeling, wondering what he will like or accept. You keep your energy within yourself and for yourself.

    You ask yourself whether you like something, how you feel about something… rather than worrying about him. You smile and you melt and express how good something feels when it feels good, and you speak your feelings and decide to possibly remove yourself from the situation when something doesn’t feel good.

    But it is ALL about you. This is both very attractive, and the only way to avoid bad treatment. And Shannon is right, it puts the power back in YOUR hands.

    x

    Sunday, 2 February 2014 @ 10:27pm

  79. 79: WaterfallNo Gravatar says:

    Sirens,

    I so see where you are all coming from now. There is an air of desperation, neediness about me. But I will hug that emotion and love it too.

    I over analyse ALL my actions and ALL his actions. I am over functioning – BUT I will love that too…

    I am being over vigilant that he will hurt me – and I will hug and love that too…

    It is OKAY to feel insecure…

    And breath…..

    Monday, 3 February 2014 @ 1:14am

  80. 80: WaterfallNo Gravatar says:

    Re: Feminine energy

    Wow, I soooo struggle with this… But again I will love myself through this…

    And breath…

    Monday, 3 February 2014 @ 1:16am

  81. 81: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    “Here’s a starter for you:

    Serious relationship and marriage requires being able to talk to each other – about anything. Anything that has to do with the way you FEEL about him. And in this case, Andie’s man is about to lose her just because he doesn’t know exactly what she wants him to do, and so he feels she doesn’t approve of HIM.

    Your conversation could go like this:

    “Honey, I have something on my mind, I feel very awkward bringing this up, and yet I know I have to – is this a good moment to talk?”

    If he agrees to listen, then you say, “You know that you’ve completely won me over. I’m totally charmed by you and your devotion to me, I love you madly, and it feels incredible being with you. I think you’re the greatest guy ever, and I have a serious concern, where we may not be compatible, and I want to know what you think, and if we can come up with a solution.

    “There’s something that’s really important to me, and it’s not so important to you, so I guess I’m just going to have to ask if it’s something you can make important to you just because it’s important to me, and that’s about the way you take care of the way you look.

    “I want you to know it’s not the way you look, I love the way you look, but I don’t like the way you take care of your looks. So I’d like to make it clear exactly what I’d like you to do for me. This is what I want…”

    And you hold up the number of a Salon for men you’ve researched and found.

    “I want this really good salon for men to do your hair, your beard, and your eyebrows, too. Will you go for me? Here’s the card of the place I found.”

    He grumbles, but he says “Okay.” Or “I’ll think about it.”

    You say, “And I got you this bottle of Pro-Active (or your drugstore’s brand of acne solution) for your acne. I know lots of men who use it and it works. I think it’s important that I look my best and most attractive for you – and I’m open to hearing anything you’d like me to do that would make things more wonderful for you – and I’d like to feel free to ask you for the same thing.

    “You are so lovely, and I care for you so much, I want us to be able to talk about anything. I’d feel incredible if you’d do these things for me. Actually, I feel amazing just because you heard me.”

    And then you leave the Pro-Active on the bathroom counter, you leave the number for the men’s salon right under it, and you don’t mention it again.

    You treat him as if he’s made the appointment and using the acne cleanser. You love him even more for listening to you”

    From Rori’s eNewsletter

    Monday, 3 February 2014 @ 3:02am

  82. 82: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    Lisa, Shannon, and others – 65 ish – You absolutely can give, BUT the key here is to do so without looking for something back. And this looking for something in return can be subtle, eg. feeling hurt when what you did went unacknowledged.

    In a relationship, one of THE BIGGEST gifts you can give is by simply BEing you, BEing a ray of sunshine in your man’s difficult day, a soft place to land, a place of refuge. Seeing you happy and knowing he’s played a part in this is one if his biggest joys.

    That said though there will be more of a flow in the giving and receiving. Even though I may do plenty of things for K, eg. making him coffee to take with him to work and ensuring he has a healthy lunch or cooking dinner, what makes him feel happiest is seeing ME smiling and peaceful, as I said above.

    Learning how to receive can feel difficult, especially when you’re unaccustomed and more especially when many of us have been raised with the – it’s better to give than to receive – mentality, as you mentioned.

    I don’t agree with this anymore. I think it’s AS important to learn how to receive. If everyone is giving, then who gets to receive after all. And how hurtful would it feel to have one’s gift rejected.

    So food for thought here.

    xxoo

    Monday, 3 February 2014 @ 5:27am

  83. 83: CrisNo Gravatar says:

    @Dominique as wise as always :-) I can’t agree more

    Monday, 3 February 2014 @ 5:42am

  84. 84: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    From Rori

    “Emotions are the “stuff” of us that make you more woman and less man – without diminishing your abilities, the sharpness of your thought, or your ability to succeed out there in the world. Emotions fuel you, they heal you, and your emotions move OTHERS. Meaning – the quality of your emotion, and the way in which you express your emotions is directly how you get more love in your life.

    The trick for us is to get so “aware” of our emotions – the patterns of them, what triggers them, how they morph and change and and shift, and how it feels to not so much “manage” them as “feel” them. And as that awareness grows – so does your faith in ourself. In other words – your self-esteem and self-respect can grow powerfully as you become aware of, accept, love and express your emotions on deeper and deeper levels.

    When you speak the word “feel” and use it as a channel to express what you feel – you’re working on “all burners.”

    You’re:
    1. Becoming aware of what you feel
    2. Putting words to what you feel
    3. Expressing what you feel in a way that involves no one but you – and so is totally, 100% safety-making, self-trusting, world and man-trusting, self, world and man honoring…and……profoundly moving in the classical, artistic sense.”

    Monday, 3 February 2014 @ 5:43am

  85. 85: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    Cupcake – 73 – Only you can really answer this question. Yet if you are like so many of us, the fear if deep intimacy can override the desire for it. The fear of losing yourself to another, of being that vulnerable can be hugely scary. And the fear of possibly losing this kind of love once you find it can take over, keeping this kind of love at arm’s length. And all of this runs underground, unconsciously.

    As wonderful a relationship/marriage I have with K, as deeply intimate as we are, I can still feel places in me which are guarded, afraid of letting go all the way. I have have felt deep pain, as you have, as we all have, and the potentially devastating prospect of feeling this again can be quite powerful.

    So you notice, observe, and gently pry apart those curtains, little but by little bit. Being ever so gentle, kind, and patient with yourself every step of the way.

    xxoo

    Monday, 3 February 2014 @ 5:47am

  86. 86: ShannonNo Gravatar says:

    I feel very grateful that you decided to follow your passion and do this work, Rori. Thank you!

    Monday, 3 February 2014 @ 7:33am

  87. 87: akashaNo Gravatar says:

    Hello everyone!

    ı didn’t have any time to read up , but I will tonight and post some comments, however I just wanted some advice..

    My ex and I are talking on the phone once every couple days, it feels so wonderful and just like high school flirts. HOWEVER, he has made no move to see me. I don’t know if he is scared or just not sure what he wants. I am being open and soft and mooshy but I am keeping the conversation at a minimum and not giving him too many details about my life. Just that I am out and about and having a grand time. Oh and this morning after we talked I messaged him and said It felt nice to hear your voice, and he wrote back the same is true for me. I couldnt say it during the conversation because in our native language it sound very weird to say things with I feel, but I wrote it in English.

    So am I doing everything right? I try to CD with myself and friends and other people but I cannot officially date in my country or else I will be labeled a bad bad girl (if you know what I mean). So I am trying to just have fun with my friends and fill up all my time. Do I keep doing this and wait for him to make a move? I know I will be seeing him on the 14th (valentines day of all the times to see him) because he has to come in to work (we work at the same place) to give in his resignation. Just wait for then and then look my most feminine self and see what happens?

    Thanks !!

    hugs&kisses

    Monday, 3 February 2014 @ 7:53am

  88. 88: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    akasha your comment suggest that you are hanging on to an agenda

    Monday, 3 February 2014 @ 7:59am

  89. 89: ShannonNo Gravatar says:

    Akasha, men get their “communication fix” from texting and telephone calls if you don’t keep them short and end them before he gets his fill.

    Let’s pretend for a minute that it’s food. You need 5 blocks of chocolate, but he only needs 1 block. He can get his 1 block of chocolate from just chatting with you for a few minutes… but you need 5 blocks. That means you need to see him, talk to him, feel him, be near him… but all he needs is some chit-chatting.

    Keep these mushy calls short, very short. It’s super important to leave him wanting more. Rori says keep them to 15 minutes, but if he’s getting all he needs from 15, make it shorter.

    The answer is in not letting him get what he wants from the phone or from texts.

    Monday, 3 February 2014 @ 8:00am

  90. 90: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Feeling sad. I dropped my phone in the snow this morning and thought I had left it in the house. When I returned I saw it sitting on top of the snow with the glass cracked. It eventually died in my hand. It felt like watching your favorite kitten dying in your hand and losing an old friend :)

    Monday, 3 February 2014 @ 8:10am

  91. 91: AkashaNo Gravatar says:

    Femininewoman well my agenda is to get back together.. İs that wrong? :(

    Shannon thank you so should i not answer all of them?

    Monday, 3 February 2014 @ 8:19am

  92. 92: IndigoNo Gravatar says:

    Akasha,

    I agree with what Shannon has said, but I also know from experience that if a guy wants to see you, they make that known.

    Some come right out with their enthusiasm, others are more subtle, but they will express that desire or make some move to make it happen. If he is not doing that… well, I’m sorry to say if it were me I would lose a bit of interest and scale back my energy investment in this significantly.

    You say he is your ex… is there some reason he *should* want to see you? Have you guys spoken about getting back together?

    Monday, 3 February 2014 @ 8:21am

  93. 93: IndigoNo Gravatar says:

    B books up much of my free time… I get the sense that he would spend as much time with me as I would give. In fact he wants to spend time together probably quite a bit more than I do.

    It is quite nice to be on this side of things. I feel that it is healing for me. It’s lovely to experience a guy who just adores me and worships the ground that I walk on, and whom I also find interesting and whom I enjoy being around.

    As I say, I don’t see this relationship as being “the one” or as lasting for the long haul – it’s a deep down feeling – but I do think that it is healing for me.

    D messaged me for the first time in almost a month on Thursday, and again this morning… of all the things to happen, he and B found themselves at the same pub last night and ended up meeting each other and talking. D messaged me to tell me that, and that B “seemed nice”. I really have to thank the fates that I was not there…

    Monday, 3 February 2014 @ 8:36am

  94. 94: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Akasha what does he want?

    Monday, 3 February 2014 @ 8:41am

  95. 95: T.BradleyNo Gravatar says:

    Akasha,
    If my ex would just call/text me I think I would feel so much better. I broke down and texted him but he didnt respond back. He did this same thing the last time he called it off, and all of a sudden called me back and told me he wanted a relationship and would never hurt me again, but little do you know he has done the same thing again just out of the blue!!

    Monday, 3 February 2014 @ 9:48am

  96. 96: VeronicaNo Gravatar says:

    I’m barely catching up, I’m sorry that I’m missing your posts

    Dominique – 22 – Thank you so much for your guiding words. I did the ‘release, release, release’ exercise before the date and driving to the date, which always makes me feel attractive. I’ve written down what you wrote to remind me when I go on the next date and because your words are very calming. I feel nervous (stagefright kind of feeling) when I say what I like or don’t like, partly because I’m scared of what will come at me or that I’m being duped. I know he’s listening very carefully. I did do some of letting him know what I like in a reply to his text today. Thank you for noting the instant attraction danger – I had forgotten that that never works for me.

    Andrea – 24 – Oh my word, I love how you asked him whether it was a date and shared your feelings – gosh that’s so powerful. Thank you for sharing because I’m learning so much from your post. I also struggle with saving fun for another time, I have to consciously tell myself that love and learning are themselves generous, I just don’t do that when it’s time to do that.

    Sophie – 34 – Hi : ) Your words feel like the nicest hug. What you said is so accurate – I’m definitely curious. I hope that all is going well on your side xx

    Monday, 3 February 2014 @ 10:25am

  97. 97: ShannonNo Gravatar says:

    No, don’t answer them all. Make yourself busy without him. Make it as authentic as you can. If you’re doing something right now, keep doing it. Even if “it” is only dishes or writing an email. If you’re idly watching TV or websurfing, fine.

    Keep the calls short, make yourself unavailable sometimes.

    He isn’t chasing you because you’re just trotting along beside him like a willing puppy, soaking up every scrap he tosses at you. It’s a sad vision, but it’s kind of true. The difference between being the puppy or being the queen is that the queen accepts her due… the puppy accepts any scrap as if it means everything.

    The puppy is eager for whatever it can get. The queen is gracious when she’s given what she expects to be given.

    You’re not accepting from him as what you deserve as a beautiful, vibrant, alive woman. You’re accepting from him with tail wagging eagerness. Yay, he noticed me!

    Cultivate a sense that, “I’d talk to you, but I’m doing something important. I’m washing my hair.” If you’re accomplishing something in the moment that he calls, he can call back or miss out.

    You need to see it as HIM MISSING OUT, instead of as YOU MISSING OUT. And that’s what circular dating is for.

    Even if you have to set nights that you date yourself (that’s what I have done, only I’m dating my daughter :D), then do so. And don’t answer him on ‘date nights’. He doesn’t belong on your date, he hasn’t claimed you.

    So no, don’t always answer. There’s nothing more eager and desperate than always being available and then hanging on his every word until he gets bored and hangs up.

    Monday, 3 February 2014 @ 10:38am

  98. 98: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    T Bradley you have trained him to believe that kind of behavior is okay with you. If you are accepting that why would he do anything else. Before looking at his behavior look at yours. See what it is saying about you.

    Monday, 3 February 2014 @ 10:43am

  99. 99: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    Veronica – 96 – :)

    Love to you.

    xxoo

    Monday, 3 February 2014 @ 10:52am

  100. 100: T.BradleyNo Gravatar says:

    Femininewoman
    This time might be something different because of what he said. He said he have to follow his heart means to try to go back to his ex, and on top of that I called her a while back to see if he was lying to me about some other things and that mde him mad too. Its sad because I believed everything he said and it broke my heart because he was lying about wanting to marry me and have kids!

    Monday, 3 February 2014 @ 11:17am

  101. 101: cupcakeNo Gravatar says:

    T. Bradley -

    When I read your posts, the hurt leaps out at me.

    The other woman isn’t controlling him. At least not without his consent. For whatever reason, he has chosen her. A man may love us too, and still love and choose someone else.

    The choosing is what shows up in this world.

    I see so much of myself in you.

    Honey, he’s gone. It’s gonna feel horrible for a while because it feels like you have been making “having him back” mean that see, after all, you ARE lovable. He made a mistake but he came back….so you felt like Whew!Dodged that bullet!

    You ARE lovable. And that is not something that comes from his choice or anyone else, even yours.

    There is absolutely nothing you can do or say to “fix” the situation with him. The only thing you can fix is the way you see it.

    Like the others who have written to you here, I am asking you to go out into the world and smile at other men. He is not the only one. I know he is the one you want, but he chose someone else. Game Over.

    And if he comes back again, if I were you I would run for the hills. The man who will make you happy is a man who figures out what he wants and sticks to that plan. Not a yo-yo.

    Go to the mall and smile at every man you see. And Modern Siren would help you.

    He’s left the building. You are single again. You have been left behind. That is the reality.

    I know it feels like a nightmare. That is why we are all trying to shake you and wake you up.

    your friend,

    Cupcake

    Monday, 3 February 2014 @ 11:26am

  102. 102: T.BradleyNo Gravatar says:

    Cupcake,
    I know, but im sure you know how it feels when u’ve gotten so use to this man and I just knew he would be my husband because he kept asking me to marry him. His ex divorced him and moved thousands of miles away and for some reason he cant let her go. He did at one point but everything she say he jumps to it and she admitted that part andyep true. She also told me that she know he would always love her!!!! She a lot older and they have no kids so its puzzles me why would he still be at her every call.

    Monday, 3 February 2014 @ 11:37am

  103. 103: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    He was not lying. He was telling you how he felt in THAT moment. Our emotions change from moment to moment. He could have also changed his mind. He is entitled to do so if he chooses.

    Monday, 3 February 2014 @ 11:53am

  104. 104: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    It is so sad to see women clinging on for dear life to what they don’t even have.

    Monday, 3 February 2014 @ 11:55am

  105. 105: ShannonNo Gravatar says:

    When it comes to someone else’s motivations, “why” is a useless question. Why did he pick her? Why doesn’t matter. Until you stop dwelling on “why?”, you’re going to miss out on what’s all around you.

    Which, by the way, is tons of men eager to find a woman to shower with love and affection.

    Some of them, you may even find are even better than the one who decided he wanted her.

    Monday, 3 February 2014 @ 11:55am

  106. 106: cupcakeNo Gravatar says:

    T. Bradley,

    Two words: Miss Havisham

    She’s someone who followed your line of thinking.

    If you don’t know her story…a web search will let you see. Whether you want to embrace her methodology in pursuing happiness is your choice.

    Monday, 3 February 2014 @ 12:01pm

  107. 107: T.BradleyNo Gravatar says:

    Femininewoman,
    But thats playing with my feelings when he changes his mind like that!! If he flet she was too old to have kids why lie to me that you want a family with me? If you dont wanna be with her again because she divorced you why lie to me about wanting a family with me? Thats all im saying just be honest and dont lie

    Monday, 3 February 2014 @ 12:03pm

  108. 108: AmberNo Gravatar says:

    TBradly-
    I think the point FW was trying to make is that he WASN’T lying. In that moment he was telling you the truth. Now the truth is different. And if you truly feel ilike he was lying, WHY would you want to continue this relationship?

    I’m heading over to the new thread, Cheers, Sirens!

    Monday, 3 February 2014 @ 12:15pm

  109. 109: ShannonNo Gravatar says:

    T, having broken up in only Oct, I know what it’s very easy to hold onto the resentment.

    You’re very hung up on what he promised, and I am very hung up on my ex’s promise that he would always work it out, never leave.

    At the end of the day, though, we have to accept that it doesn’t matter. His choice is made. We have to live with it.

    There’s no “closure” because whatever their excuse, we wouldn’t accept it, anyway. You know that’s the truth. I cannot accept any excuse for bailing on our relationship as acceptable. You cannot, either.

    Him giving you his reasons and making his excuses is what you want because that would mean that you could maybe talk him out of it. But you can’t. He won’t even talk to you!!

    It’s done. You’re sitting and just stewing in this “why, why, why?” thing. Can you see how it doesn’t serve you? It keeps you completely locked into your desperation for him, him, him.

    And as I said before, the more you think about him, the more you wear his energetic “urine mark”.

    So I’ll be super crude here. Stop letting him take a piss all over you by pointlessly dwelling on, “why did you lie? why did you leave? why did you…” towards him. That’s letting him take up FAR too much space in your life.

    His fundamental flaw is that HE COULD LEAVE to begin with.

    And that’s why I just struggle with the very idea of taking my ex back, no matter what kind of love I feel sometimes, no matter that we have a beautiful child together. He could leave. HE COULD LEAVE ME, and that means that he’s just not what I want. I don’t want a man that can leave. I really don’t.

    Monday, 3 February 2014 @ 12:22pm

  110. 110: T.BradleyNo Gravatar says:

    Shannon,
    So did u take him back????? And it wasn’t October that things ended it was just December!!

    Monday, 3 February 2014 @ 12:27pm

  111. 111: ShannonNo Gravatar says:

    My breakup was Oct.

    I’m still in the process of moving out or getting back. I was VERY certain I wanted him back early on, but as the time is going on and he’s acting the way he is, and I’m beginning to remember that this is how he acted in many ways while together, too…

    I don’t know that I’d accept him back. Not that he’s offered, he’s too busy with his computer (still). He’s too busy punishing me (still). He’s too busy feeling self-righteous about doing nothing wrong in having checked out as soon as I dared get pregnant (all by myself, apparently).

    So no, I’ve not gotten the chance to get back together with him, and I’m starting to feel like maybe that’s a good thing. Yet I also feel guilty for feeling that way.

    I don’t know what the outcome will be of all of this for my family. But sadly, it’s now starting to feel like maybe there can’t be a happy ending to this. I either have to throw my child’s father away like garbage like he did to me, or I have to go back to him and be treated like garbage.

    So I understand the bitterness, but it has to be moved through. We can’t get stuck in any part of it, or we never make any progress. You’re stuck on “why, why, why???” and that’s the most useless question there is. Only he knows why–and even then, he only knows the justifications he gave himself to cover the subconscious reasons for it. He probably isn’t really sure, himself.

    He’ll tell you what he thinks, but we all know that there are forces at work underneath our choices that we are unaware of. Dwelling on “why” doesn’t help anything, and even if he gave you his reasoning, it wouldn’t make sense to YOU, it only makes sense to HIM.

    Monday, 3 February 2014 @ 12:36pm

  112. 112: T.BradleyNo Gravatar says:

    Shannon,
    Great point and if it was that easy to move on trust I would’ve moved on in December!!!!! I know everything he has said and done but it still takes time to get over someone. Yes it gets better everyday but I still love this man!!!

    Monday, 3 February 2014 @ 12:43pm

  113. 113: ShannonNo Gravatar says:

    You have to just pick yourself up and start dating. No, you don’t have to be interested in the men you date, you just have to get out there and do it.

    It’s hard to do pretty much anything when you’re grieving, but you have to pick yourself up by the bootstraps and get out there.

    No one expects you to be over him. What we’re doing is telling you how to get there. The problem with dwelling on why is that it keeps you trapped in the endless cycle of thinking about him nonstop and dwelling on him, him, him.

    Go find other men to be annoyed with, and your anger at him will start to fade faster than it is now. :p

    Monday, 3 February 2014 @ 2:56pm

  114. 114: MillieNo Gravatar says:

    Tereana–74

    I don’t remember saying that I feel it’s not ok to post about men that aren’t pursuing you. If you could let me know which post I alluded to that in, that would be helpful as I’m not sure what you are referring to. I would NEVER say that it’s not ok to write about ANY man. Write away!!! That is what we are all here for….to talk, and exchange our thoughts and feelings. I post all the time about men that aren’t pursuing me. I’m not sure what I said that led you to think I I wasn’t ok with that. Please share…..

    Monday, 3 February 2014 @ 8:28pm

  115. 115: MillieNo Gravatar says:

    Helena–

    I can’t make it to your teleclass, but I was wondering…If I don’t know what is blocking me, but I want to know, what are some good questions I can ask myself that will help me to identify what I’m doing or expressing or vibing that is standing in my way? How can I identify this in myself?

    Monday, 3 February 2014 @ 8:32pm

  116. 116: CupcakeNo Gravatar says:

    Millie #115-

    I’m glad you asked Helena that question. It’s a good one. Thank you. (And thank you, too, Helena. Looking forward to tomorrow.)

    Monday, 3 February 2014 @ 10:11pm

  117. 117: Helena HartNo Gravatar says:

    Millie – 115 – Great question!!! See if you can identify with some of the Blocks to Love I’ve written out here:

    http://helenahartcoaching.com/fear-and-other-blocks-to-love/

    It’s ALWAYS helpful to take a look at who you’re attracting, since the men who show up in your life are often a mirror image of your own “boy” energy:

    http://helenahartcoaching.com/who-are-you-attracting/

    You also might want to take a look at which part of you is choosing your relationship partners:

    http://helenahartcoaching.com/which-part-of-you-is-choosing-your-relationship-partners/

    If you think a sense of urgency might be what’s standing in your way, maybe this will help you to identify it:

    http://helenahartcoaching.com/how-to-stop-urgency-from-ruining-your-love-life/

    Let me know if any of this was helpful for you in identifying anything that might be blocking love – and the right kind of man – from coming towards you. I LOVE all of the self-exploration here, I think that’s amazing!!

    Love, Helena

    Monday, 3 February 2014 @ 10:18pm

  118. 118: Helena HartNo Gravatar says:

    Millie – 115 – I responded to you but my comment is in moderation. I LOVE this question and all of the exploration you’re doing here!

    While I don’t know your specific situation, I can say that for most of us, what keeps us stuck in a place where we’re not moving forward our love life is usually FEAR.

    What we want to do is start dissolving our Blocks to Love.

    First we have to learn what our Blocks to Love look like, so we can recognize them when they show up. See if any of these Blocks to Love sound familiar to you:

    - Not wanting to open up to a man too quickly (even about small things)

    - “Shutting down” or “freezing up” when a man approaches you

    - Pining after men who are unavailable or not interested in a relationship with you

    - Never feeling attracted to the “nice guys” who want to date you

    - Feeling irritated, annoyed, or otherwise “turned off” when a man is pursuing you

    - Having stringent external requirements for a man who wants to date you

    - Keeping your heart guarded at all times

    - Constantly looking for “faults” in men who want to love you

    I’ve done ALL of these things at some point or another. Do any of these sound familiar to you? If not, there are other things you’ll want to take a look at – such as WHO you’re attracting and which part of you (your “boy” or your “girl” energy) is choosing your relationship partners.

    Love, Helena

    Monday, 3 February 2014 @ 10:47pm

  119. 119: Helena HartNo Gravatar says:

    Cupcake – 116 – Thank you!! I’m looking forward to tomorrow too!

    Love, Helena

    Monday, 3 February 2014 @ 10:48pm

  120. 120: IndigoNo Gravatar says:

    T Bradley,

    It is absolutely fine not to be over him. That part may take a very long time.

    But you have to let go. You have to accept it.

    If I were you, I would do the letting go exercise over and over and over again… That’s what I had to do when I went through my break-up. You imagine yourself clinging onto him with your hands, so tightly and so hard, and then you just release your hands, open your fists…

    You just let him go. Like a bunch of balloons floating up into the sky.

    Monday, 3 February 2014 @ 10:56pm

  121. 121: SyreenaNo Gravatar says:

    TY Lisa. X

    Tuesday, 4 February 2014 @ 2:27am

  122. 122: SyreenaNo Gravatar says:

    T Bradley.
    Takes time to go through the seven stages of grief.

    Were you boyfriend/girlfriend? Sleeping with him? How long were you together?

    As an observer sounds like he didn’t really know what he wanted. Fickle.

    A question that comes to my mind is would you have really wanted to be with someone who was fickle about what he wanted?

    Tuesday, 4 February 2014 @ 2:34am

  123. 123: SyreenaNo Gravatar says:

    I hope you get to a happier and better place soon T Bradley and do lots of things that make you feel good cared for and loved.

    Tuesday, 4 February 2014 @ 2:36am

  124. 124: T.BradleyNo Gravatar says:

    Indigo,
    Thanks for the kind words!

    Tuesday, 4 February 2014 @ 5:24am

  125. 125: T.BradleyNo Gravatar says:

    Syrenna,
    Thats very true. I do feel as if he dont know what he really wants!

    Tuesday, 4 February 2014 @ 5:26am

  126. 126: T.BradleyNo Gravatar says:

    Helena Hart,
    I have a friend that I think is scared to move on from previous relationship/marriage because of FEAR. I wonder why are some people like that. Is it that the person is scared of what the other may think?

    Tuesday, 4 February 2014 @ 12:14pm

  127. 127: Helena HartNo Gravatar says:

    T.Bradley – 126 – Good question! There are many reasons why fear keeps us stuck in a place where we’re not moving forward in our love lives.

    One of the main reasons is the fact that intimacy is scary – deep down on some level we’re all afraid of being truly intimate because we think we’re going to merge with the other person – and at the same time, we WANT to merge with the other person.

    So we all have this inner conflict going on around intimacy – and men have these same feelings and fears as well.

    Often, it’s not the fear itself – but the running away from the fear that’s holding us back from love. When we learn to embrace the fear – rather than stuffing it down or running away from it – that’s when we start organically moving toward where we want to be and letting love in, instead of staying stuck where we are in the moment.

    Love, Helena

    Tuesday, 4 February 2014 @ 1:34pm

  128. 128: T.BradleyNo Gravatar says:

    Helena Hart-127
    That makes a lot of sense. Once I started getting deeper into the conversation with my friend about her ex having fear I think thats what happened in my previous relationship also. My ex is afraid to move past his ex even though she divorced him and told him to live his life beause she is gonna live hers. Its crazy but its life!!!

    Tuesday, 4 February 2014 @ 1:39pm

  129. 129: LuzydelNo Gravatar says:

    I am feeling bleh! so blank; I guess it is this weather and he fact that I cannot wear nice comfy clothing. I was talking to “A” aka cute CD and Now I want space from him; he is not really nice to me and likes to pick on fights and I do not feel like it. I feel low energy and I do not want to CD or meet anyone. Just stay in bed all snuggled up! I am going to listen to my feelings and my body and I am going to recharge and rest and keep things low key until it gets warmer.

    Tuesday, 4 February 2014 @ 4:43pm

  130. 130: ShannonNo Gravatar says:

    I’m trying to do this, but it keeps saying that I’m entering only part of the password and that it’s invalid. :(

    Tuesday, 4 February 2014 @ 5:32pm

  131. 131: ShannonNo Gravatar says:

    I did manage to get into the call by using the alpha pad instead of the numeric pad on my phone (who knew!).

    I want to thank you so, so much, Helena.

    It really felt like such a huge relief to hear “this is the kind of thing that should be making you feel bored with him”. It’s more than that, I’m feeling more and more turned off towards him every day. The few nice things he’s doing just aren’t compensating for this other stuff.

    Yet I’m still feeling guilty about it since he’s my daughter’s father. And I attached so many of my hopes and dreams of a long-term relationship to him that I’m having a really hard time recognizing that I’ve lost “him”, not the dream of a long term, loving relationship.

    Tuesday, 4 February 2014 @ 7:35pm

  132. 132: Helena HartNo Gravatar says:

    Shannon – 131 – I’m so glad it was helpful! The fact that you’re feeling more and more turned off by a man’s lack of masculine action towards you is a sign of major progress!!

    Love, Helena

    Tuesday, 4 February 2014 @ 8:30pm

  133. 133: MillieNo Gravatar says:

    Helena 117/18

    Thank you! these are great questions and YES a few of them do resonate with me….

    When I’m with a guy I like and I get the feeling he isn’t into me, I freeze. I am generally a very friendly, easy to talk to, open minded person…I enjoy talking to strangers, so freezing is not something that happens to me often, but when I’m in the presence of a guy I’m into, freezing does occur. I do think I need to work on sharing my feelings in the moment instead of later on….

    I’m definitely attracted to a type….stylish, ambitious, a bit arrogant, who doesn’t seem to care what other think of him, tattoos usually, and extremely goal oriented, oh and charming. So, I would say that yes, my lust, my boy energy is picking men for me..

    I don’t really have a “situation.” I’m young, single, just starting a great career and life on my own…which I’m happy to enjoy by myself right now. I just really want to find out what is blocking me in finding great relationships…it’s ok that I’m not in one now….but eventually I want one.

    Tuesday, 4 February 2014 @ 10:32pm

  134. 134: LaOrientalNo Gravatar says:

    Hello ladies,

    Rori suggested that I go here for support, which I so desperately need.

    I have quite a few of her programs and have done some private coaching but I still have trouble with reactivity. My man lost his job about 7 weeks ago and things have been very difficult and I find myself getting very depressed. I have a difficult time with jealousy, though I never thought of myself as the jealous type… I still have much to learn!

    Saturday, 15 February 2014 @ 2:31pm

  135. 135: LindaNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Rori

    I have a question to ask you but couldn’t find a place on your blog just for questions. I really need you in put as soon as possible. Where do I go to post a question to you?
    Thanks
    Linda

    Thursday, 20 February 2014 @ 1:23pm

  136. 136: Rori RayeNo Gravatar says:

    Linda – The way we do it here is to just comment on the most recent post – so sorry – when I approve this – I won’t see you in moderation – and I KNOW the great community of amazing women here will help you! Love, Rori

    Thursday, 20 February 2014 @ 2:26pm

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