The problem I have with him is he didn’t believe for who I am, even I didn’t lie to him, and we live half of the earth way.

Is there any way I can gain his trust? do you have any post relating to this?

I met a guy in Feb last year (he is in US and I am in Asian country). He was here to visit his family. His brother is a close friend of my friend.

First time he was me, he asked my friend about me and invited me to have a dinner with his family, I was so nervouse and didn’t talk a lot….I also invited him to go to my home, and had dinner with my family, just to know more about me (as that was the last week he was here).

Since then we used to chat to each other, almost every day. First few months, he seemed interested in me, he sent me pictures, the links where he works, pictures of his offices, his newphews…etc….he tried to chat with me even he was out with his friends or on holidays…….

Our first argrument was about my friend, I arranged her to meet one guy, a friend of my friend, she didn’t say no at first but later on she refused…..he blamed me to see him for myself…..I said no, if I did that, why I got my friend involved in this, I better did it on my own.

Many times, when I sent offline messages, he didn’t replied….I was upset at first and then just let it be.

He told me that he also chat with another girl in VN (he met her before me)…..when I heard about this I wanted to stop….I told him I didn’t want to have trouble later….but he convinced me, he asked by now, will I marry him? I knew him just about 4 months, so I could not answer….that’s fair, he can chat with that girl.

Few months later, he said he didn’t interest in that girl anymore, and he asked me to think where we will live, in his country or my country? and he also sent me a picture….and hope that he could see me with our kid in the future.

Over a year, he had a lot arguments, one time, he told me that his family introduced him a girl, that girl would like to stay there and would pay him money for it….I was shocked and wanted to stop. He said if he didn’t chat with me any more, he wished me a happy birthday…..I said it is okie, just do the best for you.

I didn’t know what happens, but he didn’t say anything about that girl anymore.

I remember one day, he told me he didn’t know what he wants, he asked me to convince him (I really like him, so I agreed), and whenever we have arguments, he said I am just a friend, how I can have a nerve to tell him like that, and one time I confronted asking him, who you think I am? am I just a friend of you? he told me I was not in position to ask any question, and he didn’t answer me.

One time, he told me that we would organise a cooking contest, the winner will become his wife, I didn’t happy abouta it but didn’t complain about this much.

In December, my friend wanted me to see another guy, I didn’t but I told him about this….he was very angry at first….few days later,he told me I should see other guys so I will value him more….I said no, I told him I think about him a lot, and not interested in other guy…..and he was so stressed, he didn’t know what he wants

In Feb this year, I returned here, we met each other. About a week, I planned to go out with him for a dinner, but have to stay late in the office, I told him I called him when I finished….and when I called him, he said he was with his family and asked me to go there, I was shy and didn’t go (the reason is I knew that her sister wanted him to marry with a friend of her and got some money).

Few days later, he asked me if I liked him and how much….I said it it not our culture to ask a girl like that, especially when you called me in a formal way….he told me if I didn’t answer he will call another girl and ask about it.

I told him that I was sorry that I didn’t have lunch with his family, and I want to visit his family and I wanted him to go over my home during tet, but he refused.

I didn’t call him any more, but then he called me every day, talking about this and that….after 2 days I asked him to go out and asked which is my position in his heart? he said I am not his girlfriend, he didn’t commit anything, and if I want to see other guy, he would be sad for 5 minutes, and he is not ready for a relationship.

I told him it is okie, I could be his friend but I want him to be mindful when he chat/talk to me….he visited one of my friend and told her that he didn’t have any feeling for me (though he always confirmed with me that he likes me just after his family and his feeling is not change). When I told him about what I heard from my friend, he told me it was the truth, and he couldn’t lie me.

During his holidays, he asked me to go out a lot, looked at me (to see if he could spend the rest of his life with me). Then he backed to his home country, I till chat with him (not much, just normal as a friend) he told me he missed me and our chat and told me if I could help him with the 3 options:
1. Stay single as now
2.Pick me
3.Pick some one else

I told him that before i thought he is the one I am looking for, but after so many things happen, one part, I want to know him more, the other I afraid I would get hurt again, and I told him that, he is the only person knows what he wants and who he loves……then I said he just want to have a good wife and happy family……I am so tired with this way and wish him to find a right person, and I will find another for myself.

I know he is so sceptial, he didn’t believe any one except his family, and he is afraid of commitment (because he saw so many divorce).

Please advise what I should do? did I do it right? I don’t want to loose him but I don’t think it will work out for us and if it is, I don’t think if I have a happy life later.

I’m not sure how I understand how this co-worker is being vulnerable???

Please note this…this woman is getting a hold on him because she’s being VULNERABLE with him. She’s being a “girl” – at least for now. This is what you need to be practicing 24/7 – because you need to OUTGIRL this other woman! Learn to be vulnerable everywhere you are. Let the tears run down your checks. Meditate. Get calm, cool, and vulnerable…Love, Rori

Thanks for your advice in the jealousy article but I think that my fiance and I might break up. He told me last night that all he feels for me now is friendship and that in his gut this co-worker wants a relationship with him, even though that’s not what he wants. He has yet to ask her how she feels for him because he says its too soon. But he is pretty sure about her feelings because she acts the way that I did when he and I first were starting out, wanting to be with him all the time and always thinking about him and so on. He says that we might still have a chance that only time and Leah’s feelings for him will tell.

I know that this situation is not helping my self-esteem at all! I just can’t seem to stay away from him. He is more than willing to keep this affair going. I’ve basically become the other woman. I hate myself for being in this situation, but I can not seem to stop this destructive behavior.

Has anyone else been in this situation? How can you act strong, when the person that makes you so weak is right down the hall from you every day at work???

Any suggestions?