Here’s a situation Rachel is enduring – and it’s a place we’ve ALL been:
“Rori, I need advice in an area of relationship drama that I am unfamiliar with. Ever since my break up with my exboyfriend many months ago, I feel like I’ve been in a damaging cycle.
I wanted him back so badly. I tried cutting off contact, I tried making him jealous, I tried to forget him, then I tried being friends in hopes it would lead to more. I told him I wanted to be back together (bargaining), everything. It all cycled back to us not being together.
Now, I feel so hopeless and sad, and i’m finally trying to just let go. Just give up any hopes.
This seems more painful then any of the rest, thinking that we do not have a future. But I feel like its the only thing to do , and that I cannot “make” anything happen or “control” another person. And that any attempts have just driven him away further. I need advice in the matter of just “giving up”. I find myself very depressed over the matter, and I do have to work with him. I dont know how I’m going to move on when I work with him, and I don’t know how to handle having to interact with him at work. All I wanted was for us to have another chance, but it seems that I have no clue what path leads to that. I just continue to further that possibility by desiring it so much, and I’m left with unbearable pain. Rachel”
Here’s my answer:
Rachel – You’ve invested yourself, and it didn’t work out.
As a “diva” (my Targeting Mr. Right program will help you so much) – you would not let this happen to you and you would NOT be chasing him.
If a man doesn’t want you – you WALK.
That’s the simple answer.
Your pain is something else entirely to deal with – and has NOTHING to do with him “fixing” that for you.
You have to fix this by Circular Dating and opening yourself to other men.
Pain is part of the process.
I do not regret having loved ANYONE, and I want to help you feel that way, too.
So – “Giving Up” is the way to go here, you’re totally right, and it’s your fastest ticket to feeling better.
Sounds bad, doesn’t it? But it’s not. It’s giving up our pressing, urgent need to MAKE THIS HAPPEN, NOW – at ANY price!!!
We have to give that up in order to experience what actually IS coming TOWARD us.
If we focus on making things happen, and doing, and changing a man’s behavior so we can have what we believe we want – we completely miss the opportunities that show up for us to actually HAVE what we want.
So – this is about having instead of trying. Receiving instead of working. Yes, you may have to switch men. You may not be able to zero in on any one man.
Small price to pay, in my book.
What you’ll “get” – as soon as you truly HAVE love – is that this feeling of love and romance has to do with YOU, and what’s inside YOU – and has almost nothing to do with the man you’re doing love WITH.
Requirements for a man to do relationship with – he has to be ABLE, he has to love you (not just “say” he does), and willing to do his half of the challenges of relationship.