Comments on: He Doesn’t Want You To Date Other Men – But He’s Living Day To Day…

By: Desiree

Desiree — Thu, 07 May 2009 17:45:27 +0000

I have a situation similar to the “I don’t want you to date other men” line, but it involves my friends from college.

I’m 26 and in my first serious relationship (long-distance) with a 36-year old man. We’ve been talking and visiting each other for a year and a month. One of my best friends in the world is a guy still at the same college where we met getting his PhD. When I visit the city that our alma mater is in for a weekend, it usually goes without saying that I stay at his apartment instead of at a hotel. We’ve been friends 7.5 years and nothing un-platonic has ever happened, whether I’m staying with him and his roommate or just him when he lived alone. My boyfriend, who has been cheated on many, many times, is insulted and hurt by what he calls my “inappropriate” behavior. I’m at a loss for what to do. I don’t want to be controlled, especially by a man who has set neither a moving date nor a wedding date (and I’ve made it clear that I’m not willing to relocate right now), but I don’t want to hurt him and constantly make him feel ill at ease. I’ve stayed with my friend twice since we’ve been together and both times were a disaster in terms of his feelings. I am not dating any other men (I’ve been leered at, but not asked out), but I do go out and travel and keep my schedule full. I’m wondering what I should do for a wedding in Chicago next year since I have another close guy friend from college who lives in Chicago with his girlfriend and they’ve invited me to stay there. My boyfriend has already expressed anger about the idea of me staying with another guy friend.

By: How I Lost Thirty Pounds in Thirty Days

How I Lost Thirty Pounds in Thirty Days — Sun, 03 May 2009 22:10:00 +0000

Hi, interesting post. I have been thinking about this issue,so thanks for writing. I’ll certainly be coming back to your posts.

By: lina

lina — Sun, 03 May 2009 20:09:04 +0000

Rori, thanks for help!!
my Bf sent me a message after two weeks of no contact askin “how r u doin, I cldn’t sleep, so I thought of u” I wonder what does that mean. All I did is answerin him 2 days later politely sayin ” am doin quite good, thanks for askin”.
am tryin to controle my emotions and come over my deep love for him, which is quite hard!! am also tryin to smile back at other men nd date some of them.
I hope am in d right track,
I miss my guy a lot, I really love him nd it makes me sink the way he changes every time. Sometimes he shows tremendous lov nd others he just steps back nd leav me alone, which I can’t accept or tolerate anymore!
Thanks Rori,
u r doin a great job, here,
I love this blog

By: Rori Raye

Rori Raye — Sat, 02 May 2009 18:22:46 +0000

Lina, Welcome, and I’m going to jump off your question into a post – Love, Rori

By: T.R.

T.R. — Sat, 02 May 2009 07:31:49 +0000

Thanks Linda. The more I feel I am losing my ground the more I realize I need to circular date. This is new and scary ground for me.

By: lina

lina — Fri, 01 May 2009 23:20:54 +0000

Hi,
am new in this blog nd I hope to hav some advice in my relation. I hav been tryin to get ur book Rori but I hav a prob usin my account ( hope this will be solved soon).
I hav been in a relation for 2 years that was headin towards marriage. I really didn’t lov my guy first nd he was the one chasin me. it took him a lot of work to get me. He treated me like a queen. I said that I don’t wanna sleep wid him until we get married nd he agreed. but lately, he started doubtin his feelings for me nd tellin me that he doesn’t know if he loves me or he is just attracted to me phisically.He, later admitted that he slept wid somebody nd that he cldn’t help it. He begged me to forgiv him nd asked me to be his wife. after just 2 months, he started makin comments about the way I dress nd that he feels jealous when other guys stare at me as I wear tight clothes or shorts! we disputed abt this issue nd again he started showin reluctance towards marriage, sayin that he is worried that we won’t get along!!! nd he stopped callin me for 12 days now!!! am really fed up! I love him, though nd I don’t know what to do.
any advice will be very helpful,
thanks,
Lina

By: Linda G

Linda G — Fri, 01 May 2009 20:47:57 +0000

Rori has a new post on the front page of the blog where she talks about all the ways of circular dating.
But I would try to do it for real, if it were me, which you are not.
check it out

By: T.R.

T.R. — Fri, 01 May 2009 19:49:06 +0000

Thank you Linda. My main focus is keeping me strong, so I will keep this in mind and give it a try. Right now I am “dating myself” which helps. I am worried that if I start circular dating he will not want to see me anymore. But maybe that is what I need to find out?

By: Linda G

Linda G — Fri, 01 May 2009 18:49:57 +0000

Hi TR
Excuse me for butting in, I feel it’s always best to circular date rather than wait for a guy to make up his mind, sort himself out, whatever. This will keep you strong, make you less needy and feel less dependant on his actions.

By: T.R.

T.R. — Fri, 01 May 2009 18:42:13 +0000

I am hoping to get a little advice on circular dating. I told the guy I have been dating that I feel like I need to take a break. I explained that I feel like he has some things he needs to work through in for us to move forward and he agreed that he needs to work through some things. He said that he did not want to take a break, but would do what was best for me. He had tears in his eyes when we talked, then called me 20 minutes after he left. The next day we saw eachother and told eachother that we missed one another. Yet, after this for the first time he did not follow through with calling me. I have stayed strong and went to a dance class and made plans for this evening, so as to keep myself busy and not be always available to him. Is it ok to take a break versus circular date, or is circular dating better, especially in the case when the guy is not in love?