He Makes Me Laugh – What’s That About

Here’s a “Guest Post” from Steve Warwick:

He makes me laugh… What’s that about?

You know we all have biological imperatives and hormone markers for mating, square jaws for men, heart shaped faces for women. But what does humor have to with biology and why is it so important in the mating game?

I’ll throw out my own suggestion here as I don’t expect you to answer this.
I think it is a subtle yet accurate barometer of the psychological “fitness”
and fit of the potential mate.

Let’s take a look at two different kinds of humor here. Toilet humor. It is a lowest common denominator. Poo! No matter how smart or sophisticated, we all snigger at this once in a while. What about George Carlin and his 7 dirty words. Toilet humor? Heck no, this is deep comedy with a surface of vulgarity but a witty and socially profound statement beneath.

So, if your boyfriend finds toilet humor hysterical, all the time, what does that say about him? I suggest there is a lowest common denominator kind of look to his life and if you fit with that lifestyle and outlook on life, then you’ll probably get along, the magic of chemistry and pheromones not withstanding.

And Carlin? Boyfriend is probably a professional, maybe liberal and probably smarter than the average bear if he appreciates the underlying message of the routine. And you? If that’s the kind of life you’re in or looking for then you’ll jibe with the guy who is hip and striving to make his life above the average.

While these examples are trite and oversimplified I believe the concept is sound. If your partner, boyfriend, potential mate makes you laugh without even trying, that may be a signal of a deeper mental match.

Okay – so – what do you think about this? —

Steve Warwick Ph.D.

From Rori: Steve is my dear friend, certifiable genius webmaster and the brains behind the site LoveRomanceRelationship.com (also, he’s single and lives in a cute house in the woods outside Austin, Texas, not that I’m trying to matchmake or anything!)  Take a look at the site, you can pick up free books and reports (good ones) and get interesting email from authors he’s featuring (Tinque’s there…). I’m an official “consultant” for him – reviewing what he publishes and making sure the content is not just good, but great; plus contributing my own articles to the other relationship experts on there.

If you’re a blogger, author or work in the relationship area, you could be published on the site – go say hi and send him your stuff! Anything from articles to ebooks to healing modalities for relationships. There’s a contact page on the site where you can write to him.

Love, Rori

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997 Comments to “He Makes Me Laugh – What’s That About”

  1. 1: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    Top of the World…..


    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 7:42am

  2. 2: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    I feel so turned on by a guy who makes me laugh.

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 8:39am

  3. 3: tinqueNo Gravatar says:

    SLV – where is that? :)

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 8:39am

  4. 4: tinqueNo Gravatar says:

    Laughter is such healing medicine. I lost my laughter for many years. I think I’m making up for it now. K makes me laugh all the time. I crack myself up maybe just as much.

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 8:41am

  5. 5: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    I laugh at just about any kind of humor. I just like to laugh. LI has a little more refined sense of humor. He doesn’t always like the kinda dumb funny movies I like. But he makes me laugh.

    Mmmm yum

    I feel juicy thinking of a guy making me laugh.

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 8:45am

  6. 6: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @3: tinque says:
    SLV – where is that?

    Hi tinque,
    Hee hee, it’s #1 on the Rori blog. Yea! That’s good sign…like magic! 😀


    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 8:59am

  7. 7: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    O thought full One,

    yes, I think Steve is spot on and quietly brilliant :)

    George Carlin is practically a hero in this house and we laugh so much…. the humor may be the glue that keeps us stuck to one another. (All in the Family is also tops)

    I loved this article! Thanks Rori.

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 9:03am

  8. 8: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Christian Carter says that if a man doesn’t have a sense of humor, it is an indicator that he is insecure.

    I feel far more at ease with men with a sense of humor. Kenny’s jokes are sometimes perverted, but I give him space cuz I know he’s just trying to make me laugh, and I consider the harshness of his life and the perverted stuff he’s exposed to on a daily basis.

    I like it best when men use clean humor, and treat me like a lady. Something like this:

    What did Mr. Bullet say to Mrs. Bullet?
    We’re going to have a BB!

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 9:06am

  9. 9: DeniseNo Gravatar says:

    The magic of “chemistry” is far from an exact science. As outlooks do not always match up perfectly, it helps to be open to possibility of a difference of an opinion, even on comedians. It’s great to share commonality but that is why there is vanilla and chocolate! And we both know which is better. : D

    The real question should be: Without being able to laugh at ourselves, how can we ever appreciate anothers’ wit?

    We laugh, and the WORLD laughs with us!

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 9:25am

  10. 10: DeniseNo Gravatar says:

    One woman being matched by a matchmaker insisted that her short list of the top 5 absolute requirements for a perfect mate include that the man be funny, and have a sense of humor. The funny thing was that she never appeared to smile or laugh! That princess would not even laugh to a court jester.

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 9:29am

  11. 11: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Ha ha Tinque. That feels good to read.

    I crack myself up too. I’m really visual and when someone says something and I create this image in my mind. And laugh.

    And sometimes I’ll have giggle fits where I just can’t stop laughing. My body takes over and goes on this healing, cathartic, laughter trip. I love it.

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 9:33am

  12. 12: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Some tree guys are here this morning trimming up the frees around my house. They are very manly men. I feel kinda turned on. The main guy, I’m guessing he is married (he just has the vibe). But I still feel very cared for and they are bending over backwards to help me out. This feels good. I love being supported by masculine energy even when I know it’s not going anywhere romantically. And the guns on that one. Oh my! Apparently trimming tree makes for big biceps.

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 9:40am

  13. 13: NikitaNo Gravatar says:


    LOL :)

    tree trimming……I wonder when their bdays are?…..the one with guns 😉

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 9:58am

  14. 14: tinqueNo Gravatar says:

    LG – “sometimes I’ll have giggle fits”
    Me too, me too. K pretends to look at me like I’m crazy, but really he’s thoroughly entertained by it all.

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 9:59am

  15. 15: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:


    “K pretends to look at me like I’m crazy, but really he’s thoroughly entertained by it all.”

    same here! I love it.

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 10:20am

  16. 16: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Nikita: hmmmm, I wonder. I’m going to have to go on a fact finding mission.

    I kinda want to do dirty things with the main guy. He’s not really my type physically. But he’s so large and in charge yet sweet and chivalrous toward me. I tend to feel attracted to alpha men.

    Yum! I love men!

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 10:24am

  17. 17: KNo Gravatar says:

    Because making jokes is a form of demonstrating social dominance (laughter is submissive). Women generally prefer men who make them laugh while men tend to prefer women who laugh at their jokes.

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 10:58am

  18. 18: JoriNo Gravatar says:

    Humor and smiles are the things that attracted me most to my ex-…in fact, he draws most people in (males, females) who find him quite funny and clever.

    Unfortunately, I was so unhappy with most other aspects of the relationship I couldn’t even crack a smile.

    BTW Where do I go on this site to post questions and just stuff other than responding to these newest blog topics, and to get feedback from other members? I am confused about this site now.

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 11:04am

  19. 19: Katarina PhangNo Gravatar says:

    SG makes me laugh a lot too! We do crack each other up. It feels great to be able to laugh so much with someone you love.

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 11:08am

  20. 20: Simply ShannonNo Gravatar says:

    I just got asked out on a date. 😯


    My first audition for leading man! Hooray!!!!!!!!!

    Phew. I just expended way too much mental energy. I need a nap.

    😯 OMG! 😀

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 11:17am

  21. 21: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    SS: I feel excited!!!

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 11:18am

  22. 22: Simply ShannonNo Gravatar says:

    Regarding this post, laughter and sex are the things that go first when resentment and anger are brewing in a relationship. I actually missed laughing when I was dating Mr. Fab Kisser. We kissed constantly but not so much on the laughing. This post is making some stuff line up for me.

    I don’t want a relationship where I don’t laugh. Boooo! I want to feel happy and smiley and laugh a lot!

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 11:21am

  23. 23: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    The man I pined over for 2 years made me laugh a lot. He was outrageously funny and clever. Unfortunately that doesn’t make up for his extreme feminine energy and serious issues around commitment.

    I feel bad for the lady he’s with now. She’s a friend of nine and I get to hear all the gory details of his lack of sex drive, back and forth behaviour. Ewww I feel icko just thinking about it.

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 11:21am

  24. 24: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:


    But I feel thankful that his behaviour pushed me to get in to Rori’s teachings. Thank you for that funny, no sex drive man.

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 11:23am

  25. 25: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    I like spelling some words the way they do in the UK. I don’t know why but the extra U just makes me feel good.

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 11:25am

  26. 26: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Jori – we just ask here on the newest threads. It doesn’t have to be pertinent to the topic of the post.

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 11:53am

  27. 27: NikitaNo Gravatar says:


    when we say-or have said….blah, blah……that guy had commitment issues…….I feel reminded of when that is going on, what am I putting ‘out there’ that this is the man/was the man who show’d up for me?

    have you ever seen a man’s pattern of behavior magically shift in front of our eyes when we are genuinely sending a different intention with?

    I ask you that because I recall reading you felt a bit like a loner and enjoy mental space(i think it’s a gemini mental processes thing 😉 )
    -but really…and I am in no hurry to get an answer, I feel more interested in writing the question down.

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 12:20pm

  28. 28: HadassahNo Gravatar says:

    I swear to GOD I am going to sound like the biggest, whiniest thing out there, but if I hear that any more of my friends and acquaintances are newly engaged or married, I am going to throw up. I don’t know why this is bothering me so much today, but it is!!

    I feel like the last single woman I know. Literally. Everyone I know has been married for a while, is newly married, is engaged, or is newly engaged. EVERYONE I know. Girls that have been dating guys for 4 MONTHS are engaged. (Not that I think that is the smartest thing in the world, but still). I just feel like it is never going to happen for me. I’m in a good relationship, I don’t want to rush into marriage, but I guess part of me wishes I had a big romantic proposal story to share. And a ring to show off. And a wedding to plan. And that I know I am with THE ONE.

    It doesn’t help that I am 28 and have never been married or even engaged. I have been the woman that has dated the guy that “just wasn’t ready” and then when I ended those seemingly dead end relationships after spending a couple years with each with them, they married their very next girlfriend.

    I don’t want to get married just for the sake of being so, but wow. I guess I am majorly triggered by this. It’s like I feel as though the universe is rubbing it in my face that it so isn’t happening for me anytime soon, but “EVERY SINGLE WOMAN YOU KNOW is going to be married before you are!”

    Boo. Does anyone else out here in Rori land feel at all this way???

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 12:25pm

  29. 29: maryNo Gravatar says:

    When Old Flame came to visit, his humor really put me off. His jokes were aimed at cutting me down although I don’t think he realized what he was doing. He thought he was being funny.

    For instance, one day I was supposed to make us some sandwiches. I got a few curve balls thrown at me in the work sector and had to attend to those, which made me late, and I was just barely able to pick him up from his hotel in time for the day. His first statement: “I bet you forgot the sandwiches…”

    And another time, we were going on an adventure that I’d done many times before, with the same tour company. When we arrived, the tour director was nowhere to be seen. We waited a while and Old Flame kept saying, “I knew you should have called first…” to which I replied, “Hey, we have two hours to figure this out!” (He wanted to be THAT early.) And we figured out that the tour company had moved down the street. We walked over there and signed up for our adventure and had an hour and a half to spare.

    His humor made me not want to be with him for another second.

    On the other hand, my man (Music Man) caught a fish and it was not a keeper. It was a dog fish (looks like a shark), so he gently, gently removed the hook and then gave us all a crazy look as he threw the fish over his head back into the water. It was hilariously funny. He and I are laughing all the time, at everything… at nothing.

    It’s so fun.

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 12:29pm

  30. 30: maryNo Gravatar says:

    Interesting, Nikita.

    changing the vibe and getting a different response…

    i like it. it happened for me.

    usually i’m so cued into the GUY’s vibe, but with Rori’s tools, one day – a critical day in the relationship – i sensed that my guy was backing away, or possibly comparing me to someone else, or conflicted for some reason (maybe nothing to do with me at all), and i just switched my focus to ME and enjoyed the day on the water, the fog in the air, the sights we were seeing, and then – at the end of the day – i threw my hands in the air and said, “Wow, I just LOVE the ocean.”

    and that night was an amazing evening of cooking and wine and laughter and music and kisses…

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 12:36pm

  31. 31: maryNo Gravatar says:

    oh! Rori…

    thank you for reinstating the font!

    it’s so wonderful to read and makes your blog so user-friendly!

    i love it.

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 12:38pm

  32. 32: janjuneNo Gravatar says:

    Rori I love you!!!
    You are such a genius!!
    I love you for sharing so freely your healing process with us.
    thankyouthankyouthankyou angel rori!

    i’ve finally gotten through most of my anger… feels like 95% got dumped riffing and triggering and then taking what i knew about the triggers and working through them in my real life…

    I decided to try online dating again (I’m in my 50’s) even though i’m still afraid of getting murdered :)

    but I’m getting some nice guys. I have a date for sunday night with someone who i don’t think will be anyone serious, but we share the same sense of humor and he is really stepping up as i lean back, even while IMing :). I just sit there and wait and he picks up the slack and does something with it.

    he asked what I would like to do sunday, do i play pool? i said I don’t play pool but it sounds like fun and would play pool if that’s the date he plans for us. he seemed to really dig it :) I mean he just jumped right back in there and

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 12:46pm

  33. 33: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Ummmm ya, I might have just overfunctioned with the tree guys.

    They were having a problem with the chipper and asked of I had a steel pipe and I didn’t. But I said I could check with the neighbor cuz he’s pretty handy. And I went over and got the neighbor and he came over and fixed it.

    And now I feel bad and weird. The vibe seemed to change. I dunno if it was their frustration over the broken chipper, or they were hungry, or if it was due to my overfunctioning. And then main guy left without even saying bye which felt kinda weird.

    Ooooo, I feel sad. I feel disappointment. I guess it doesn’t really matter cuz it’s just the tree guy after all, not the love of my life. Maybe it was a good lesson.

    I feel frustration though. I’m pretty resourceful and can come up with creative solutions. Am I just supposed to sit around til they figure something out.

    Omg!!!!! what if I just a dude? A smart dude who can get stuff done, make things happen.

    Whaaaaaaaaa! ¡No me gusta!

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 1:18pm

  34. 34: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Meant to say “what if I’m just a dude to them?

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 1:21pm

  35. 35: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    LG – what if you’re just a girl who doesn’t like to feel unseen?


    what if feeling sad and abandoned is just a trigger from the past

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 1:22pm

  36. 36: maryNo Gravatar says:

    hey Laughing Goddess,

    I like it that you did that. You got it fixed! And the guy who fixed it probably felt very powerful. The tree guy will come back and next time you can fix him a lemonade… !!

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 1:24pm

  37. 37: maryNo Gravatar says:

    ummmm, ya!

    it might be easier to be a guy.
    you could just go to work and come home.
    help around the house. do hero stuff. get some sex.
    then back to work.

    that sounds pretty easy.

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 1:26pm

  38. 38: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Yes Nikita yes…gosh. I’m the unavailable one. I know.

    Seriously tho’. I get what you’re saying. Feeling kinda blah at the moment. Will take it more into consideration in a bit. :-)

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 1:29pm

  39. 39: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    wouldn’t fixing him lemonade after she felt bad be overfunctioning?

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 1:39pm

  40. 40: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    I feel like bawling reading that Daria. A bunch of feelings came up about being abandoned. I’m crying now.

    And the landlords gave the guys a budget. And they couldn’t trim the trees as much as I wanted even tho they did do some extra above and beyond what the landlord paid for. And I really wanted to get some sun in here for the winter. I live in the forest, serious forest, which is beautiful but I need some sun. Just a little.

    I feel whiny.

    But most I feel sad cuz I do have some triggers about being abandoned. :-(

    the work they did does look nice though. Really nice. It would take about three more days of the same work to really do it properly.

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 1:40pm

  41. 41: maryNo Gravatar says:

    lemonade for the tree crew, not for the hero… would that be overfunctioning?

    sounds nice.

    oh! LG… i do love the forest! but i know how wonderful it is to have light in the house.

    may you have more light for your days.

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 1:42pm

  42. 42: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Really thanks so much for Daria, Mary, and Nikita for your insights. It’s really all good, helpful stuff.

    I need to come back to it when I’m in a more open space. I’m in super funk right now. Gonna work through this and come back.

    Thank you so much.

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 1:47pm

  43. 43: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Btw Daria, I wasn’t blaming you for me crying. Reread my words and I feel worried it may have sounded that way.

    I feel like a baby. Like I’m totally regressing right now and I just want to throw a fit. This tree situation is really triggering me. Lots of energy moving around the house. Lots of activity. I feel sensitive.

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 1:50pm

  44. 44: NikitaNo Gravatar says:


    what if the tree guys come back….or the Landlord asks and you give them your no “blocking the light during winter” speech.

    Oh, the work you did looks really good and I feel sad because I was hoping for light this winter….and after seeing how much work you guys did,I feel a little guilty about admiting there are still trees blocking the sun :(
    I feel so much more desire for light and I just feel sad complaining when everyone did work so hard to make a difference.

    ugh-I feel scattered…. you get my point, yes?

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 2:01pm

  45. 45: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Mary, I love the forest too. But this feels a little overwhelming. There are at least a 100 big trees within a 30′ perimeter around my house. It feels stuffy and claustraphobic (spelling?)

    The main problem is that they all have tons of dead branches on the lower parts. I’d be thrilled to have that cleaned up and maybe thin out a few of the areas that are really dense.

    I’ve heard that it’s healthier for the forest. That the trees don’t thrive when it’s that dense.

    It feels healthier for me too. I already feel better with the work they did. I can feel a breeze now. Even tho there is so much more that could be done, this is a start. Feels like a step in the right direction.

    Btw, the one guy did come back. Definitely triggered some abandonment stuff.

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 2:07pm

  46. 46: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Nikita: yes, that sounds wonderful. Triggers feeling of unworthiness tho. Who am I to ask for things? I don’t deserve to ask for things. Who am I to want some light and a little breeze?

    Omg!!!! I feel amzed by how much this is triggering me.

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 2:12pm

  47. 47: NikitaNo Gravatar says:


    what if you were bugs bunny in drag…..then what would that look like:? asking for things as your inner Bugs 😀

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 2:24pm

  48. 48: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Nikita, I feel soooo glad you asked about the b-days. Some very revealing (and not surprising) info here. June 3, April 8, dec 31

    June 3 – main guy, owns business, coordinating everything, the face guy

    April 8 – guy who climbs the trees and takes the dead branches off with the chainsaw, hottie!!!, huge biceps, got kinda impatient with this one tree, said he’s been do this for 11 years. Didn’t really talk to him til after the main guy left. Yum

    Dec 31 – raker and fix-it guy, clean up crew, didnt really connect with him too much

    I feel curious to hear your take on this.

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 2:24pm

  49. 49: PassionatelyPiscesNo Gravatar says:


    I’m new here. I learned about Rori a little over a month ago, and have two of her programs. I’ve been ‘lurking’ on the board every day and learning so much from all you lovely Sirens :)

    I won’t go into too much here, as I understand this will go into moderation before it’s posted.

    As my ‘name’ indicates I am a textbook Pisces—although I’m not sure I entirely believe in all that stuff. (The personality traits seem to ring so true, I must admit…)

    I moved/left a 12year relationship (in June) and I’m on a personal journey which is both exciting and frightening at the same time. There was a time I would not have been “ready” for Rori’s tools and material. I was too full of anger and blame. I’ve been working on that since long before I left; and after I got her first e-mail I was sure this would help me along in just the perfect way.

    I’ve tried to figure out (in context) the meaning of “riffing” and “triggering”—but can someone explain exactly what they mean and how to use them?

    With all this talk of humor and ‘tree men’ I’m pretty sure I’m in the right place! :)


    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 2:27pm

  50. 50: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Gemini, Aries, and Cap of course. These signs are always showing up in my life. Faces change but the roles remain the same.

    Bugs bunny in drag? I could be bugs bunny in drag.

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 2:28pm

  51. 51: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    If I didn’t have already have an Aries hottie, I would seriously consider Mr. Biceps.

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 2:35pm

  52. 52: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    RE: #27 – I come from a large extended family with maybe 35 cousins on my Dad’s side. About 15 years ago, while attending my cousin’s wedding, several cousins pointed out that I was the last single cousin. It felt yucky, considering some of them are about 5 years younger than me.

    When I married Kenny in 2003, no one we knew attended our wedding, because it was held in the prison visiting room, and not many people were behind me. It was the most unromantic wedding I could imagine.

    So here I am 15 years later still pretty much the only unmarried cousin. I see people my age who are grandmothers, and I don’t want to be single any more.

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 2:41pm

  53. 53: maryNo Gravatar says:

    hello Brenda!

    it could be fun out there in the jungle of no-Ryan…


    yes, i think so!

    lots of single guys not wanting to be single any more, too!

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 2:52pm

  54. 54: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    L’ade Maria Aldama ~

    thinks that if we dont laugh- we will repeat.

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 3:00pm

  55. 55: LuzyNo Gravatar says:

    How can you define “funny” when that means different things to different people. I’ve met guys online that say they are funny, but for me they were trying too hard to be funny. So sense of humor is never a requirement for me. I laugh at myself, but I am not the type to seek a joke out of anything, I am just candid.

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 3:13pm

  56. 56: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    LG – i think feeling like a baby is very appropriate when dealing with abandonment issues…

    i think a lot of abandonment feelings were created early in childhood, when we were babies

    i often feel like that, (a long with maybe a wordless confusion from before i knew how to speak) when i am working on embracing feeling abandoned

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 3:15pm

  57. 57: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Mary, I feel good reading your stories. Especially the one where you turned the vibe around. I felt super ick hearing Old Flame’s idea of humor. I feel glad you scaddalded right outta there. I would feel very unattracted to that too.

    Anywho, just wanted to welcome you back.

    And also, I got a little defense and over-explainy about the trees. My stuff. I feel worried people will judge me for wanting to cut down stuff trees.

    Oh man, so many opportunities for triggers today. How do I keep up with all this?

    Just gonna relax and let life carry me down the river.

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 3:17pm

  58. 58: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Daria: how are you embracing feeling abandoned? I like the idea but having a hard time envisioning it?

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 3:21pm

  59. 59: Katarina PhangNo Gravatar says:

    So here’s what SG said about our night last night:

    “We sure had some nice grooves going on last night – one of my favorite nights with you thus far – and that’s saying a lot.”

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 3:32pm

  60. 60: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Nikita: re the unavailable guy who was a lovely mirror for where I was at at the time…

    Thanks for pointing that out. I realized towards the end of my infatuation with him that the reason he was so attractive was because he was “safe” and that I was really the unavailable one.

    I’m afraid that since then I’ve gotten a little lazy and gone back to telling the story that he’s the commitment phobe. Thanks for helping me stay on point and in integrity. Feels much better.

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 4:02pm

  61. 61: NikitaNo Gravatar says:


    would def. be gunnin for the apr.8 hottie :)

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 4:09pm

  62. 62: PepeNo Gravatar says:

    Laughing is real good ! i just love it , my friends say i have a sarcastic humour. I just love a guy who doesn’t takes himself seriously, i had a guy who thought he was the hot stuff said to me on first date: people tell me i look like brad pitt ! with that i’m proud of that ! smile on his face …eu… so ?


    I feel you girl !
    It’s like EVERYwhere i turn there’s a girl flashing an engagement ring ! and you have to pretend to feel oh super happy about that and say something that’s so cliche like yeah i’m just…u know waiting for the right guy hahaha…hum hum


    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 4:14pm

  63. 63: Rori RayeNo Gravatar says:

    Hi – Passionately – I’m a Pisces, too – Welcome! Love, Rori

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 4:24pm

  64. 64: Rori RayeNo Gravatar says:

    K – I’ve never heard that before about laughter – I’m going to look into that! Thanks, Rori

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 4:24pm

  65. 65: jacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    I love Margaret Cho – my boyfriend tells jokes like why is 6 mad at 7 – cuz 7 ate nine, well I knew that one. He even makes em up – like what does a cored apple feel like? peeled. I know it’s not technically correct but it’s cute. I hate potty mouth humor.

    So, do you know the difference between an elephant and a loaf of bread??


    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 5:11pm

  66. 66: jacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    well I’m not sending you to the store for a loaf of bread, then!

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 5:11pm

  67. 67: SienaNo Gravatar says:

    I’m a Pisces too! I knew Rori was one also when I listened to Modern Siren (or was it Commitment Blueprint?).

    Welcome Passionately! Daria explains riffing best!

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 5:13pm

  68. 68: jacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    @ Daria – Rori said to ask you about riffing, but when I ask questions of you I feel like I annoy you. So, who’s can tell Pieces about riffing and triggering?

    Hi, Pisces….I haven’t quite figured this out myself –

    but riffing is a form of communicating our feelings where we allow ourselves full expression without pulling anyone else into our expression. IMO, it doesn’t always work – and voila! that leads into triggers.

    Everyone else can perhaps tell you more – and eventually we all end up on the newest page because it gets too hard to type on the others.

    Knocksoftly – I think you have progressed by being here, sharing some difficult things about yourself, and continuing to be open and to be here!! Good for you darlin….and I feel so bad. Toxic men are so charismatic…Hurts so good….yes, I know!


    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 5:16pm

  69. 69: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    One of the most helpful things a high school teacher ever said to me is, “Brenda, don’t take yourself so seriously!”

    I thought about it a lot and little by little, I realized that I was insecure. So I learned to lighten up and be able to laugh at myself. We all make mistakes, you know?

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 5:24pm

  70. 70: jacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    Oh, sorry, Mr. Man says that’s not his joke! It’s “does an apple without a core a peel to you”…so, to make him happy I shall re-tell the joke. LOL….at least I have laughter in my life in the form of wordplay all the time!


    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 5:27pm

  71. 71: tinqueNo Gravatar says:

    After losing my oh so special Kittyman of 20 years and 5 months September of last year and Brandy puppy this past June at 17, kitty Peanut is about ready to pass too at 20 years 7 months. I feel so sad. He’s my last baby. Please go in your sleep. I don’t want to make that decision again. It’s just too hard.

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 5:39pm

  72. 72: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    I feel lonely. I called Ryan twice tonight, after 18 days, and I left two voicemails.

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 5:41pm

  73. 73: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    I am sorry you are sad about your pets. I used to make that decision, and then I really liked it when I watched a “Croc Hunter” episode where Steve Irwin slept in the living room on the floor with his dog when she was facing her last days. It’s so hard, I know.

    I have no idea where you live, but I have a litter of three kittens right now if you want one…or two! They were born August 16th.

    “You could have missed the tears, but you would have missed the dance.”

    Thinking of you

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 5:45pm

  74. 74: LizzieNo Gravatar says:

    I know a huge amount about abandonment. I am a worrier mom to RAD kids – what do you want to know?

    My moment of insight – sarcasm is a form of anger. I never believed this the first time I read that somewhere – then I started to really pay attention to those times when others were sarcastic and when I was sarcastic. Yes funny, now look deeper and see what the feeling is. Absolutely fascinating journey of exploration. In my clients, the more sarcastic they are, the more angry and afraid the seem to really be – the sarcasm seems to be a tool used to mask and hide what is really going on with them.

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 5:48pm

  75. 75: PepeNo Gravatar says:

    When you feel insecure it’s hard to loosen up…specially when a guy that you like makes a funny comment about you and laughs… and wham !
    you completely forget that you were having a wonderful time ALL you can think off is : ” Does my nose REALLY looks like pinochio’s…really ? really ???? ” honey while you’re ordering the coffee, i’m gonna go to the bathroom to …check on something ( in the mirror !) i’ll be right back.

    And what i don’t like is when you’re not sure if he’s just innoncently teasing you and just wants to laugh with you…or is he laughing AT you ?

    Or when they are in fact laughing at you and see that you’re uncomfortable or unhappy about the comment he made, he goes : ” i was just kidding ! ”
    yeah…my nose feels really amused.


    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 5:48pm

  76. 76: tinqueNo Gravatar says:

    Lizzie – sarcasm is also a form of fear.

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 5:51pm

  77. 77: Turtle GirlNo Gravatar says:

    You are not alone. A lot of folks I know are married happily. I have had more than one marraige. Neither were happy. It’s not a guarantee that getting married will make your life better.

    I have been single fore years. Eleven. It sucks. I get so lonely some days I just ly in my bed abnd cry. I lay there and think that I will never find a man that is right for me or that I can relate to or that loves me for me. I feel like an outcast, a weirdo, a broken thing that can not be fixed. I feel like no one will ever love me the way I want and need to be loved.

    These feelings are terrible. They make me not only cry but I can on occasion get very depressed over this fact of my life. AT one point I had aceepted that I might never be with a lover. I thought that being alone the rest of my life would be fine. Then after spending seven long years with no sex and no dates I knew I could not live that way any more. Now I have been dating for about 3 or 4 years and still after meeting literally over 300 men I have found no one that is a match. It can be very disheartening.

    I am not like this all the time, I susually get out there and continue to date, but recently I just “broke up” with one ofmy CD men and it is not feeling too good. He wanted to be exclusive after 5 months and when he realized I really meant the no girlfriend speech he got ugly and said terrible things to me about how much I hurt him and how by wanting me to himself he was “commiting to me” and how I could not commit to him by being his girlfriend so its over.

    he said things to me that hurt. He said that by me wanting to still date others that I was “losing myself” and that I must want a man with a bigger dick and a bigger house and more money. it was horrible. I feel so crappy after his words. I think they say more about his fears than me. But it still hurt me. Wow. I never felt like that as all. I actually really cared for him but he dumped me because of the circular dating I wanted to do. Now I am grieving that. It totally sucks tonite. I feel very sad.

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 5:51pm

  78. 78: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    The best riffing eventually boils down to feelings that aren’t just passive past-participial forms of verbs, which ultimately ARE blaming. Past participles for those of you who slept through this useless information in English class are the -ed adjectives (and other endings that do the same thing). So, I feel attackED. I feel bulliED. I feel hurt. I feel unseen. I feel unheard. The thing about these “feelings” is that they are blames in disguise, because the unspoken parenthetical statement that follows is (BY YOU).

    I would feel so happy and peaceful if I could borough deeper than this. So instead of “i feel unseen,” it would feel so much less judgy for me to say “I feel invisible.”

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 5:52pm

  79. 79: LuzyNo Gravatar says:


    calling him and not getting an answer will make you feel lonelier. Go out and talk to a stranger at a store or something. I do that and my urge to call a guy who seem uninterested goes away.

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 5:56pm

  80. 80: JacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    Tinque – I have a lot of good stuff a support group sent me when my Angel Goose left me at 19 years….I’ll be happy to foward it. It was a huge help!

    Angels on your angel’s shoulder….


    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 5:58pm

  81. 81: LizzieNo Gravatar says:

    Yes tinque – fear!
    Pepe – I don’t buy into having fun poked at me at the very early stages of a new date – the trust just isn’t there. I might smile and chuckle but you can rest assured he will not be seen again. If on the other hand, he is making fun of an awkward thing I did, by relating something he had done equally awkward, as a means of helping to relax, then all is well!
    Someone said, if he is the right guy, I can not do or say anything that would be bad… I love that!!

    I am such a bad mother….there is absolutely no food in my house….my kids are starving…. better go grocery shopping at the place that is open til midnight….I so hate being a single mom sometimes…- other times I love it. I love it that I am not like other mothers – those perfect mothers that show up with snacks for all the swimmer-kids….and I do a drive-by…..

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 5:59pm

  82. 82: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    That’s a good idea. I like that. I am texting back and forth with him right now. I know I blew it but I just can’t stand it sometimes after we shared so much of our lives.

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 6:03pm

  83. 83: JacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    @ Dorothea – I feel censored and even more confused – I can now be riffing in a gramatically incorrect manner? It would make me happy to have a clear definition of what defines riffing and what “rules” there are around it. Like starting with, the tool of riffing is appropriate when……for expresssing……and is intended to…………….

    And if it results in you feeling????………then you are triggered. And the way to move past triggering is>>>>>>>

    Are you stepping up for the question?


    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 6:05pm

  84. 84: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    I feel so proud and jealous that you held long eye contact with men last night, brenda. i thought about it every time i looked away from a man today, haha. timid me. i just feel like men dont start looking in my direction until i look like crap. then i feel terrified of looking them in the eye.

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 6:05pm

  85. 85: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    nooooooooooooooooooooooooooo i’m not trying to censor anyone. you’re misunderstanding me.

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 6:06pm

  86. 86: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    there’s no such thing as a riff that is grammatically incorrect. good riffing, however, CAN be partly described in grammatical terms

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 6:08pm

  87. 87: tinqueNo Gravatar says:

    thank you Jacqueline, but K is all the support I need.

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 6:08pm

  88. 88: PepeNo Gravatar says:

    I totally agree with you ! right on !

    Turtle girl

    If the fact that you were dating others while seing him bottered him that much and that he wanted you for himself well then why didn’t he just commit to you ? And the fact that he felt the need to bring you down with those nasty comments says a lot about him and…it is not attractive at all ! it just proves that is he is nastier … ew
    Just simply and totally FORGET about him !
    Others guys wanted to date you and that means u’re a hot siren ! inside and outside. Remember that.


    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 6:09pm

  89. 89: tinqueNo Gravatar says:

    dorothea – I just love that. I’m an English major, so I guess I would, the subtleties of speech to me are SO important. I get off on it, well, not really.. you know.

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 6:10pm

  90. 90: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    My kitten just stepped on the keyboard and erased everything I had just written you.

    I first became aware of the connection between sarcasm and anger when I watched the movie, “Anger Management.” The anger management coach said, “Sarcasm is the ugly cousin of anger.”

    I gave it a lot of thot and became increasingly aware of how often I used sarcasm. I have gotten a lot more honest with my real feelings instead of covering them up with the defense of sarcasm. Not perfect, but I’m in process.

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 6:10pm

  91. 91: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    i feel like a tool. wait that is judging. i feel way exposed and insecure for talking about things in terms of one of my passions (grammar). i feel unworthy and unentitled to my passion. i feel triggered. hi trigger. negative voices telling me no one wants to hear that ish and i either sound like a moron posing as a smart person or a braniac. negative voice says i am trapped in a paradigm that offers only these two polar options and i am doomed.

    feeling excited and comforted that i just said hi to my trigger.

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 6:12pm

  92. 92: JacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    @Dorothea – I feel like I’m breaking rules that are unwritten. Rori said ask Daria, I’m asking,and I’ve always been confused about it. Sometimes riffing seems like free form prose, sometimes, poetry, sometimes stories as allegory or illustration, etc. And sometimes it feels like the rules change….

    thank you!

    Lizzie, hang in there – I agree, sarcasm often seems laced with contempt, huh? Hope you feel better, too!

    Off for now – thanks all,

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 6:13pm

  93. 93: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    I lost the password to my e-book. I would like to see if there was anything in there about riffing.

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 6:16pm

  94. 94: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @78 Turtle Girl,

    It is difficult to have someone walk away when you are caring about them in any way. I hope you feel better soon.

    I’m learning CD and I have been living single for a very, very long time. Until I learn more, my position is that I won’t use the words “CD” to a guy. What words did you use to describe your dating more than one man? If you didn’t use any special words, how did you describe it, if you described it? So far I don’t plan to describe it; maybe I should know more.

    I am very impressed with the number of your dates/men. It’s so remarkable. All the best to you. It’s very possible that your someone special is just around the corner. You only need one final one and maybe he is the next one. Don’t give up.


    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 6:21pm

  95. 95: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    This is what riffing is for me. When I get/feel triggered, I want to find the deeper and usually physical feeling that corresponds to it. When I find THAT, it starts to dissipate just from being identified. Riffing is how I cut through the trigger and all the thoughts and negative v’s and distractions that came with it. It is really calming and powerful if you let yourself be brave enough to do it. sometimes i don’t let myself riff because i want to stay stuck in feeling yucky for one (unhealthy) reason or another.

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 6:27pm

  96. 96: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Here’s my pathetic text convo with Ryan…

    Ryan: “Hey, I got your message. I can’t really talk. I was just on my way out the door.”

    I wrote: “Hi, I feel embarrassed contacting you. I’ve lasted 18 days. Does that earn me any Ryan points? :-) I am really missing you.”

    Ryan: “Ok”

    Me: “I feel sad. I don’t want to pressure you but I felt hopeful for more chat after 18 days. :-(”

    Ryan: “What do you want to talk about?”

    Me: “How are you? What are you up to?”

    Ryan: “I’m doing ok. I was just going over to a friend’s to hang out for a little while.”

    I want to cry right now. He is so distant to me. I miss it when he came to my house every single night. We had so many good times together. I wonder if it’s a woman. I bet it is. I feel sadder yet.

    Me: “I wonder if your friend is a woman.”

    He wrote: “No, it’s a man.”

    Me: :-) I miss you so much. I can’t help it. I have been trying to be strong. It would feel so good to be close to you like I used to feel. What do you think/feel?

    Ryan: What else do you want to talk about?

    Me: Thank you for answering me. I went to a fun cafe last night and heard a band with a friend. I liked the informal atmosphere.

    Ryan: That’s good. Will you be able to do that again?

    Me: Yeah. I like it. People were friendly and down to earth. Have you found some good places to enjoy the night life there?

    Ryan: Well, I’m usually in bed pretty early because I usually take my meds early now.

    Should I let it drop?

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 6:31pm

  97. 97: HadassahNo Gravatar says:

    @Brenda and Pepe – It just gets so OLD. The questions, the pity looks, the so called friends that laugh and make such comments as, “oh maybe you’ll be next FINALLY.” As they giggle and wave their ring in my face. UGH.

    @TurleGirl – that REALLY sucks about him. And I know it wont make it hurt you any less, but it really does sound like he was projecting his insecurities about himself all over you. The saying really nasty things to you makes me believe he was trying to bully you into doing what he wanted, and when he realized it wasn’t going to happen, he just let you have it. I really think that every man that comes into our life is there to teach us more about what we want, what we don’t want, what we must have, and we we absolutely can not stand. It helps me to make lists of those 4 things when I feel as though the black hole of “I am NEVER going to have a permanent life partner” tries to suck me back into it.

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 6:32pm

  98. 98: HadassahNo Gravatar says:

    @ Brenda #97 – Did texting with him make you feel better or worse? I am getting the impression you feel worse after this exchange, so I would say drop it for now. HUGS!

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 6:34pm

  99. 99: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    OH M
    Y GOD

    the most amazing thing happened!!

    i went to the gym with my mom, because she said she wanted to help me resolve with them… i felt like strangling the girl manager there from the way i felt treated last time, she didnt even invite me in the office

    WELL the girl started being rude as at first, but my mom put her in check and after like 20 minutes of the girl pulling all the spiel and stuff

    my mom got them to waive what they said i owed, AND GET THE REFUND that is she got it added onto her account for 2 free months

    omg i am so in awe

    i feel like im related to superman Goddess

    i am going to EFT my way to negotiating or being as assertive and strong and able to deal with professional people as my mom

    I left out of there with my chest and thighs tight and SHAKYING

    i am WOWED



    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 6:36pm

  100. 100: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    do not want to stay in boy voice. feels. tiring. blaaaaaahhhhh i need oil

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 6:37pm

  101. 101: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    LG – i embrace feeling abandoned by doing the stranger exercise..

    or similarly inner child… i go there and see the abandoned little girl or baby and then hug her and tell her i will protect her now

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 6:41pm

  102. 102: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    I feel somewhat better, even tho it felt strained.

    I didn’t respond, and finally just now he wrote:

    “Well, I got to go. Talk to you later.”

    Me: “I feel good to hear from you. It makes my day when you contact me. Good night!”

    Ryan: “Good night”

    I feel pathetic. No, I can’t stand it that he’s not here at my house night after night like he was for ten months! It feels awful that he’s like a stranger.

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 6:42pm

  103. 103: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    I’m happy for you about getting your gym membership resolved! Yay!

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 6:44pm

  104. 104: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Jaqueline – “Daria – Rori said to ask you about riffing, but when I ask questions of you I feel like I annoy you.”

    I don’t like being assumed about or talked to this way.

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 6:44pm

  105. 105: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Brenda – thank you! I am like stunned. That is SO FAR from my skills im like, THIS REALLY HAPPENS???

    like WHOA

    good thing for EFT i can use it as a resource

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 6:45pm

  106. 106: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Jaqueline: I feel hesitant to answer your questions about riffing or other topics. I feel scared I am being baited into a debate. I feel a little resentful because I get the sense you haven’t read Rori’s ebook or listened to her cd’s. I don’t want to have to prove these concepts to you or take the time to explain the basics when they are all right there in the ebook.

    If I thought that someone was genuinely asking for the information and would receive what I have to share with grace and appreciation, I would be all over it. But when I feel like I’m going to be challenged and pulled in to a debate, I feel kinda shut down and interested in doing other things.

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 6:51pm

  107. 107: Cynthia BullockNo Gravatar says:

    I love this from Patty Contenta on the CD from this month where she is quoting the Italian woman. (Although I did laugh out loud when she referred to her as an ELDERLY woman, then said she was in her SIXTIES…elderly? Oh please!)

    It is the man’s job to conquer the woman.
    It is not the woman’s job to conquer the man.
    She needs to stand in her power, and then say, “Which one is worthy of me?”

    I love this quote. I played it over and over and said it along out loud. Hey, if things don’t work here, I’m freakin’ movin’ to Italy! lol

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 7:02pm

  108. 108: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    Ditto. Ugh.

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 7:04pm

  109. 109: DariaNo Gravatar says:


    There is nothing in the book about riffing because “WE” i forgot who per say made it up.

    Riffing is not really that definite.

    It can be a free form of the thoughts in our head that feel bad, while also noticing feelings.

    Unloading the negative voices and worries in our head…

    “I am so stupid, that feels bad, I hate him, he hates, me… o h i feel like im 5″

    just a free form writing letting the voices speak

    poetic and images are great

    there is also the way we started with Rori which is to make a list of all our worries

    and then FLIP to what we want… and what that would feel like


    “I’m worried I’ll never find a man to be with forever”

    FLIP “I WANT to be in a wonderful relationship with a wonderful man, and that would FEEL like, warm, comfortable, smily, open chest and heart, clear head, head up straight, leaned back, relaxed legs … ”

    and continue

    one of the BEST ways, and what I think is Riffing is described by Rori in this post (you can find this and more about Riffing as I described going through the oldest posts in the Power and Self Esteem section on the bar to the right of the blog):

    this is a way that i haven’t seen many people other than myself use on blog lately,

    and its the way that REALLY WORKED for me to get my emotions transforming…

    its about finding them IN my Body (totally clueless and difficult at first)… then writing and saying… and I LOVE that feeling in my body, … and THAT (loving that feeling… ) feels like — new feeling —

    continue — this will keep having different reactions in the body — until you find yourself smiling and feeling good

    here’s the Rori article:

    Love The Sensations In Your Body
    Thursday, 9 October 2008 @ 2:28pm • My Weblog

    Here’s a Tweak for the last step we did in this series, about going into the SENSATIONS in your body that come up as you’re RIFFING through these Tools.

    In step one, you listed your “problems.” then we Flipped them into WANTS, then we went into how wanting something feels, then to how HAVING what you Want feels – moving into the sensations in your body.

    And we did it in a free-flowing, stream-of-consciousness way that you’ve coined as “Riffing” (Thank you for that new term!)

    Now – I want you to slow it down.

    Take each Want to a feeling of Having that Want. Start going into your body and feeling the sensations there – tension, tightness, lightness, warmth, blank, cold – follow it around your body however you notice it and feel it. NOW – stop after each GOOD, PLEASUREABLE sensation and go DEEPER.

    It could look like this:

    “I’m afraid I won’t know what to do with a good man if he shows up. ” (Problem)


    “I WANT a good man” (Flip)


    “I feel scared that I want a man, I love feeling scared, feeling scared feels exciting, my body is so terrific for having all these feelings and wanting all these things, wow, wanting a man feels like too much to ask, is it too much to ask? Who says? I don’t know – so it’s fine, I’m fine, I want, and it’s okay, and wanting a man feels sexy…” (Accepting and Loving your feelings, wants, problems no matter what – the RIFF)


    “Having a man feels shaky in my shoulders, I feel all open and warm in my vagina, I feel my jaw clamp up…” (Sensations)


    Start with ONE feeling or sensation that’s in your writing – like “Having a man feels….”

    Then go with it into your body…”Having a man feels… shaky in my shoulders. My left shoulder feels tense now, that tension feels prickly, the prickly feels cold, prickly and cold makes my heart feel sad. Sadness feels like a lump in my heart. The lump feels metallic. Metallic feels cold, I LOVE my cold, metallic heart, it feels all shiny and special and glowing….and my glowing metallic heart is now melting, and now it feels all golden…..” (Deeper Sensations)

    Okay – notice how that went – you’re going to run through sensations that feel icky, and that trigger sad and icky feelings. When that happens, just love and accept them, like I did above, just like you’ve been doing, and picture them as beautiful, and describe them truthfully and also lovingly. Take your time with EACH one. Stay with it as long as it feels good, and then stop at the good place. If it turns icky at the last second, flip it around again, love it, and then stop.

    That’s plenty for one session.

    Try doing it as things come up during the day. Break anything that bothers you down, just the way we have, step-by-step – write if you want, and let’s see how quickly we can go through these steps – so that you can handle ANYTHING – at a party, on a date, sitting at home, by going into your feelings, facing the fear and discomfort, and going through to the other, much happier and better-feeling, side.

    This is a variation on my “Body Dialogues” – (the only place you can get them is in my Heart Connection Toolkit – the “Toolkit” is all about lifting your spirits and helping you talk to yourself in some new ways)

    Let’s keep going with this, let me know how it works for you.

    Love, Rori

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 7:13pm

  110. 110: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    It’s a miracle he didn’t change his number.

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 7:14pm

  111. 111: JacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    @ Daria – yeah, I knew that, not in the program I’d gotten. Which is the heart connection toolkit. Thanks and how do you want me to talk to you?

    LG- not debating, asking. I don’t debate anymore.
    It didn’t lead to my feeling good. I am a selective shifter and reader now.

    And it feels really good to give up tryint o “make” friends and just let this be a place to listen, learn and let myself express. Much better. Thanks….

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 7:24pm

  112. 112: SienaNo Gravatar says:

    Brenda, love, stop! Go right now and do something that feels good! Do the “imagination tool” on my blog, go for a late night walk and look at the stars… Anything!

    You doing something for yourself that feels good will stop the sadness and flip it for you.

    Even if you don’t believe me, please do it anyway. Just cause I said so!!

    I love you – you are loved!

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 7:24pm

  113. 113: JacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    Tinque – this is stuff about animals, their spirts and animal heaven. I’m curious how K can comfort you in a way that….well in what way? For me, I had comfort but I still needed to feel what I felt and some of this info really helped. I’m not forcing it on you – but it was a huge blessing from caring loving people for me. So I was wondering how another person can help – by taking the pain away? by being your witness? If you feel like answering, that would be a good knowing about feelings in regards to a good man to have.



    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 7:27pm

  114. 114: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    Dorothea seconds Siena’s motion

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 7:27pm

  115. 115: JacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    LG – I asked Daria because Rori said to, not pressuring you to explain things to me. And I’ve bought the program – even written excerpts from the booklet. That felt bad, like a scolding school marm disarming attack. And, my original question was for Pisces….remember? So who knows if that person has a program. It’s good to reiterate things – especially the basics here.

    And I do NOT have negative voices….I have some negative beliefs. So, when I ask, I ask from my experience, point of view. It feels better when people genuinely care about – if not me – then about Rori’s work to just repeat the basics.


    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 7:32pm

  116. 116: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Jaqueline: I feel open reading your response to me. I feel excited about possibilities.

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 7:38pm

  117. 117: SienaNo Gravatar says:

    Knock- yes, it’s at http://www.capturinghappiness.com…the most recent post.

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 7:41pm

  118. 118: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Jaqueline: I apologize for saying the part about reading the book. After I wrote it I realized that it had a shaming tone to it.

    I’m also noticing the same shaming tone in you saying I should share the basic with someone.

    As I already said, if someone asked with a genuine curiousity and I had the information and the time, I would be happy to share.

    But I don’t want to be pressured that I HAVE to or that it’s the right thing to do. I don’t want to be shamed either.

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 7:49pm

  119. 119: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Jaqueline – it will be difficult for you without Rori’s book.

    That really has all the basics.

    without the book everything will be confusing…

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 7:54pm

  120. 120: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @Brenda @knocksoftly

    The beautiful thing about you two ladies is that you are doing the important things: you are going on with your life, “riding your horse”, doing what you should do next. When all is said and done those actions will be, I think, what will bring your happiness.

    So, does it matter whether you call the guy every night if the outcome with him is the same? If you still at the same time are doing “what you have to do” for yourself maybe eventually you will “get bored” with him…I think Rori said that in what has become my favorite post. I’m going to go look for it.

    All the best, but sometimes I think all guys are jerks and I know it’s not fair to think that way…and I don’t want to…I know it’s just for the moment….


    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 7:54pm

  121. 121: SienaNo Gravatar says:

    {blush} thanks knock 😀

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 7:55pm

  122. 122: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Heart Connection Toolkit definitely does NOT have the basic concepts

    it’s a Toolkit that adds and expound on the basics

    it’s kind of like trying to make clothes from scratch, but all what you have is a book on embroidering

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 7:58pm

  123. 123: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    I don’t feel comfortable imposing should’s on myself. I should do this, I should do that.

    I do the best I can to help out here and I feel happy about that. I don’t want to shame myself into thinking I should DO something more. That’s feels crappy and just flat out untrue.

    When I first came here, I scoured the website. Read all the posts. Not all of the comments, but all of the articles. There is sooooo much information here.

    There are also plenty of other sirens who can answer questions. I feel trusting that the info is all here. I don’t want to put pressure on myself to change the world through my external actions.

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 7:58pm

  124. 124: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    I would like to be talked to without assumptions and judgements, with respect… and with authentic feeling messages and don’t wants

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 7:59pm

  125. 125: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    I feel super angry blah

    I feel mistrustful and angry

    i DO NOT want to feel this way

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 8:01pm

  126. 126: JacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you, LG – I was asking Daria, you aren’t pressured in any way. I asked Daria because Rori’s referred me to Daria here for riffing.

    I think Piscies had a genuine curiousity, and I don’t have the answer(s). I have a genuine curiousity too but that doesn’t seem to be believable to you. And that’s feels okay to me.

    I appreciate what Daria wrote, thanks! Daria- and I’d read that before – I read all the old writings in the self esteem and feminity.

    And I notice I feel defensive explaining. And judged like I’m not really curious, etc. And no one really has this info as well as I can tell – sounds like a conversation that was started and kind of dropped off, but has become a practice that has various applications and methods. Which I will try someday soon.

    So I’m stopping this now.



    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 8:03pm

  127. 127: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @Brenda @knocksoftly

    It’s this:

    “…It’s not about “over.” It’s not about “forgetting.” It’s not about “Letting Go” so you “don’t” have a mental, physical or emotional experience around him when he isn’t actually there. It’s about just getting so passionate about yourself and what you love in life that you become bored by him…”

    “Don’t Let Go, Don’t Resolve, Forget Closure and Stay On Your Horse”



    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 8:04pm

  128. 128: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:


    ” It feels better when people genuinely care about – if not me – then about Rori’s work to just repeat the basics.”

    this is totally a judgement or assumption masked in feeling statement. You are making the assumption that if someone genuinely cared about Rori’s work, they would repeat the basics and that’s just not true.

    Is it possible that someone cares so much about the work that they don’t even feel qualified to answer?

    Is it possible that someone genuinely cares about the work but for whatever reason just can’t answer at that time.

    You are making the assumption that
    caring about Rori’s work = sharing the basics

    That may be true for you but please don’t assume it’s true for everyone

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 8:04pm

  129. 129: JacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    Siena – great blog – the link didn’t work for me? but I looked it up. Did you used to do glasswork and blog as well??

    That’s my format, too! Did you know it? How many did you try? I went through probably 7 of them….anyway, I liked it bunches and love the alphabet soup and the focus on happiness.

    I get to interview Dr. Paul on his new woman’s happiness website this week. I am enamoured of his ideas – he’s the creator of the KWLM test we were doing here awhile back.

    It’s a lot of work for me, but fun!

    What do you think?

    To Success! and Advocating Happiness!!!

    G’nite everyone,


    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 8:08pm

  130. 130: SienaNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Jacqueline, no I just have this one blog. I’ll check out yours and the Dr Paul interview!

    I took this format, and adjusted it to how I like it, so I didn’t go thru the headache of changing my mind a lot (as ive been known to do!)

    So glad you liked it!!

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 8:14pm

  131. 131: JacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    @Daria – I’ve always felt you were part of the creation of riffing. You know I am getting the book for myself and my friend for Christmas – best I can do. But if riffing’s not in there, I don’t see the connection. I don’t know how to turn a question into an “honest” feeling statement.

    I would feel good if riffing used as a tool were demonstrated and explained here – not just how to do it but what the desired results would be?

    (And I get the results are to find your feelings in your body and love them no matter if they’re negative or postive from what you said.)

    I don’t want people picking me apart semantically.

    I feel good I understand more about riffing and hope to try it sometimes.

    Pisces – I hope you’re still around, I think we’ve gotten close.

    Goodnite again,

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 8:15pm

  132. 132: JacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    Siena – do you have your blog listed in the website space on the comment bars that you fill in in pink above the comment? If so I should be able to click on your name and it will take me to your blog. Supposed to work like that, I’m happy to have found your blog tonite and hope you can link to it from your name!


    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 8:18pm

  133. 133: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Jaqueline: I know you were asking Daria but I still wanted to communicate why I don’t feel comfortable answering your questions which is because I don’t want to debate or feel the need to prove Rori’s general teachings.

    You said you are giving up debating here. I feel open to answering your questions if I’m feeling safe in the future.

    I feel certain Pisces question was sincere. That was never an issue for me.

    I feel happy that Daria answered. I feel hopeful that Pisces got the information she was wanting.

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 8:19pm

  134. 134: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Jaqueline: When I read statements like this I feel sooo confused.

    “I would feel good if riffing used as a tool were demonstrated and explained here – not just how to do it but what the desired results would be?”

    because for me, that’s what this blog is all about.

    It’s like standing on the beach and saying “I wish there was just a grain of sand here”

    I feel so confused!

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 8:23pm

  135. 135: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    NS: I would happily share Mr. Biceps with you. Yum! He was not only built, but super connected and easy to talk to. I wish I could airmail him over to you. I feel so happy to see yummy men out there. Helps me to not get attached because I know if things don’t work out with one, there are many others to choose from.

    I’m really monogomous by nature but there is a part of me that would love to have a new man every week (Venus in Gemini Nikita :-) )

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 8:29pm

  136. 136: Turtle GirlNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you for your words. I know you are right. He got nasty and attacked more than one occasion when he thought I was out with another man. He left ugly phones messages-very jealous. His ex wife cheated on him and he has “issues” He think because I would not “be his girlfriend” and “commit” that I am a cheater.
    That it is a deal breaker. He said he does not understand why I need a “promise of marraige” in order to commit. He said he doesnt get my dating stance.

    SLV- I basically gave him the no girlfriend speech. That until a guy want to step up and claim for for his forever (either a live in or a ring) then I am still dating. I agreed to be sexually exclusive with him.
    He said that it would no be honest. He said that as long as I am dating other even if I am not having sex then it would be impossible for us to get to know one another and really get close.He basically tried to bully me like Pepe said-blackmail me into just dating him only.

    I told him I am not 25 anymore. I am in my fifties and that I wanted my happy ever after with the right man for me and the best way to do that is to date several at the same time and see which one matches. I said some would drop off as time goes on and the one that was meant for me would stick around, etc etc. It is almost impossible to date like this and not have the other men know what you are doing. They call you have plans, and after five months they know it ain’t plans with your girlfriend. It’s a date. They ask. They want to know if you are seeing other men. I am not going to lie about it. I follow the RR scripts, I say the right thing and still this happens.

    It is frustrating because even my firneds think I am wrong in this way of dating. It’s like 1950 they say.
    I should be his girlfriend they say. Why do I want to date like this they say? They agree with the men!!!

    It is maddening. It is hard to stick to you guns. CD man also said as long as I would not be loyal and date only him that he could never even begin to work toward marraige with me. Well wow. Not willing to compete? Not willing to step up? Feel insecure in your being the better man. And he is an Aries. Apparently not one with any balls.

    Sorry this is so long. I am just very upset tonite, sad, confused and lonely.

    I have met over 300 guys by being on dating sites and putting up Craig List ads. And I am willing to meet lots of men over coffee for an hour or so. Many never get a second date even if they call. This guy I liked a lot. I mean c’mon 5 months is afair amount of time and now this. Fuch! And the other guy in my cd rotation I am going on four or five months too and he got really jealous as well. Made an ugly comment on my FB page which I had to take down.

    So I have no trouble meeting them, dating them, etc. Then they want to keep me and go ballistic when I say no, I don’t want to be a girlfriend.

    ARe there any men here who can weigh in on this?
    I mean if a guy really wants to keep you doesn’t he ask you to marry him? I mean people do get married all the time. Or doesn’t he say he wants you forever and then makes a plan to get a house or something? Where are all the real men? Where the frick are they?

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 8:36pm

  137. 137: janjuneNo Gravatar says:

    just skimming back through the blog a bit–

    why on earth are goddesses trying to tell other goddesses how to express themselves????

    why can’t people just express their feelings here like we used to— just pretty much however it came out, just get it the hell out so it can heal!!

    for crying out loud!


    but never mind.
    pleeeze don’t anyone actually think i want you to try to answer that question… :)

    jus say’n… wtf ??????? (scratches head :) )

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 8:40pm

  138. 138: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Jaqueline – i feel unsafe speaking to you here

    i feel frequently attacked and feel angry from so many interactions that i mostly feel defensive

    it’s not about semantics to me, its about how it feels

    thus the words are actually very important, or not important at all, depending on how it feels


    i feel mistrustful of your intentions in saying “i don’t know how to turn a question into an “honest” feeling statemnet” – i feel unheard, i feel attacked about the quotations on honest, i feel as if its’ being made out that I am somehow implying something is not honest or… i dono.. it just feels BAD


    [deleted judgement about the intention of your words here]

    reallly i feel mistrustful and unsafe


    but maybe this info will help others:

    A question in feeling format would look like this:

    I feel curious to know XYZ

    it would feel great to hear about…


    the purpose of Riffing is to transform emotions, from a feel bad place and to reach a feel good place


    it is also to grow in our ability to be aware of our thoughts, identify emotions, heal, love ourselves, and heal our emotional processing body/mind


    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 8:41pm

  139. 139: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    janjune – its beacuse some people weren’t expressing feelings but rather a lot of judgement and it started feeling really unsafe and Rori stepped in to say that we are to NOT use judgement and use feeling messages

    a purpose of this blog from the beginning was to help us tweak our words into Feeling Message expressions and so that has been the case from the very beginning

    i feel judged and defensive and misunderstood

    i feel unsafe



    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 8:43pm

  140. 140: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Turtle Girl – apparentlly you (like me) were still attracted to men who were not good for u

    like men who can turn on you (me) after I liked them and dated them for awhile

    I don’t want to marry a man that would turn on me – I don’t want that for another siren either

    it’s not really about this guy

    it’s that we’re still attracted to these (toxic) men

    letting them go and saying NO will help our subconscious no longer get attracted to them in the first place

    then we will be attracted to better men, until we just get attracted to a really good one

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 8:48pm

  141. 141: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    I feel grateful that Rori requested that we practice communicating in a certain way. Thank you Rori.

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 8:48pm

  142. 142: janjuneNo Gravatar says:

    anyway i got back on here to say how well this is all working, with the online dating and incorporating all the goddesses’ advice!!
    along with leaning back backbackbackback waaayback!! :)
    oh yeh!

    OMG! they love it!! not all of them, the ones who don’t truly do drop out, they just quietly drop off into cyber oblivion then there are those (fewer) step-up guys!!

    so much fun talking to the step up guys!! i love it. they love it. even if they’re not keepers, and you know they know you know they know you’re not keepers for one another, it’s just such a big fresh breath of beautifully sweet fragrant air to talk to a step up guy who loves it, knows how to do it, wants to do it and just simply takes the lead..

    i’m so loving it
    and so loving not dealing with the girly guys.’

    OMG! what a relief!!

    i think i will put that in my profile next time… something about all this, maybe weed them out further, or have the masculine guys really go ahead and jump in there, cause there’s one, who i’m just barely in contact with—like through flirts and his profil, which i looked at AFTER he flirted, BEFORE I flirted back, says he wants a woman who he can do things for. oooh he’s a cutie too, but well, if he doesn’t step up, someone else will.

    i feel sure of it!

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 8:48pm

  143. 143: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    I don’t know that I was part of the creation of riffing.

    ~~ well the truth is i feel mistrustful and afraid of having that label turn on me with negative undertones ~~

    I don’t think I came up with that term, but I was around when Rori first wrote the articles and we started practicing that power self esteem stuff that somone called riffing.

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 8:50pm

  144. 144: Rori RayeNo Gravatar says:

    Hi, all – I didn’t want to post this generally – but wanted you to know in case you weren’t on the local list: I’ll be taping my newest program, “Scripts for Love” in Los Angeles on November 6th and 7th at the Sheraton Gateway Hotel. If you’re a regular poster here, and you’re in Los Angeles and would like to come..please let my assistant know quickly (Melanie@CoachRori.com), and she’ll email you a form that has to be filled out and faxed to my team right away… (it’s free…). There are only 50 seats, and I think they’re already filled – but I’ll squeeze you in if you want…Love, Rori

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 8:53pm

  145. 145: JacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    Riffing is a place, a tone a way to be
    something doesn’t feel good to me

    I stand on a beach and it’s made of glass
    feeling like someone’s gonna kick my a**.

    Don’t know why and don’t really care
    but it don’t seem fair.

    I can’t be the way they want me to be
    so I’m feeling sad just being me.

    My body’s loose my stomach’s tight
    seems like someone’s spoilin for a fight tonite

    I own my life I own my car
    never pretended I own this bar

    Breathin deep felt so good
    even if I’m misunderstood.

    Life’s about as good as it gets
    and there aint no sense in me throwin fits

    Gonna stay awhile and see
    if this can be good for me

    Women Women all around
    with me feel like a clown

    Gonna learn all that I can
    about what it takes not to speak like a man.

    Grinning now cuz that’s absurd
    and maybe I do want to be heard.

    Lovin the way I’m gonna be
    when I can really just be free.

    Came here to forget
    but it aint over yet

    Gonna stick around to see
    If this can be good for me.

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 8:55pm

  146. 146: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    I feel so much gratitude and appreciation for Rori for creating this space for us. So much gratitude I feel almost overwhelmed with emotion.

    I feel so thankful for all that she is teaching and sharing.

    And I feel so thankful for all the sirens who are here participating. And for the most part even in the ones that I feel triggered by, I feel a sense of effort and growth.

    I feel accepting that none of us are doing everything perfectly. I feel trusting that perfection isn’t necessary. I just feel gratitude for the efforts and presence and space here. And especially for the guidelines Rori posted because it gives us a framework for work with.

    I feel gratitude for all I am learning.

    I feel determined to not be swayed by little judgements and assumptions that come wafting by. I’m staying on my horse. Not gonna let doubters pull me off. Just gonna cruise on by and wave.

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 8:56pm

  147. 147: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Does anyone remember where Rori posted that request that we get back in to feeling messages?

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 8:59pm

  148. 148: janjuneNo Gravatar says:

    oh and the other thing i wanted to share, which i haven’t heard anyone mention for ever on here, but i’ve been MIA, so maybe someone has actually talked about it,
    is dropping the energy into the pelvic

    mine dropped again today when i was practicing leaning back while i did a few lunch dishes…
    it was awesome!
    (it happened to me once before but only stayed there about an hour or so and then i’ve never had it drop again since then until today)

    i was thinking about the step up guy i have plans with on sunday, i think he is actually someone who will go through with having a real date, and i was just thinking about the ebook and level two listening and him and leaning back and being his pearl and all of a sudden it just dropped and it stayed there this time. it’s still there!

    it’s awesome beyond awesomeness!

    i feel so pulled in, like all of my energy is concentrated in ME, not on me, in me… not some of it going out here and there trying to make sure if everybody is okay, or if i’m doing something wrong or if everybody is happy or any thing like that, it just feels floaty and free, pulled in and then when i think about being in the presence of this man who is so very good at the dance i want to dance, (who is not a keeper, im pretty sure, but is a step up man), then my energy concentrates heavily in the pelvis region and feels very comfortable staying there.
    It feels very very good, but not like turned on, just I don’t know i can’t describe it
    i know… i need to have it where the energy stays there without me thinking about a man, but this feels like a great start.


    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 9:01pm

  149. 149: LizzieNo Gravatar says:

    Compassionate communication is all about keeping safe and accountable for what we feel and open the dialogue. Statements that create conflict can be seen as:”blaming/accusation/you” . Compassionate communications are designed to enter a dialogue that is open, supports the relationship and engenders trust. It is incredibly difficult to do and requires a great deal of practice. To see it and experience it in action to reduce conflict, is like watching magic. The dialogue often has a number of statements and questions as the compassionate communicator works to diffuse the situation.

    If I may, I shall dissect a few statements here – I just took them out of a post and please this is not a reflection on any one person – if anyone recognizes themselves, please hold space, this is a learning sequence:

    “I feel hesitant to answer your questions about riffing or other topics.”
    This one begins well – I feel hesitant…. then switches to a different space that will generate a defensive position of the other person in the conversation….”your questions about riffing”

    So if we want it to be a compassionate communication, we need to shift back to the “I” – how about something like this:

    “I feel hesitant to answer the questions as I would like to more fully understand what is being asked of me”

    “I feel scared I am being baited into a debate”

    Starts off very well…”I feel scared…”; as a listener, I would want to move forward and be helpful … then it switches to a mode that would result in a highly defensive response…”I am being baited….”

    Lets move it to a compassionate mode:

    “I feel scared, in this conversation, I am not sure I have been clear in expressing my ideas and I would prefer not to feel so vulnerable”
    The communicator keeps ownership of the experience that allows the other party to engage, stay neutral and build trust.

    here is another one…

    ” I feel a little resentful because I get the sense you haven’t..”
    this one will place the other person in a tight corner that supports a high conflict result.

    So, lets see what happens in a hypothetical conversation using the two modes just to have an idea of how it can escalate and an alternate that will support the relationship.

    Mode #1:
    person 1: “I feel hesitant to answer your questions about riffing or other topics”
    Person 2: “well, why, what is the problem with my question? And what kind of problem do you have with other topics – who said anything about other topics…”

    Mode 2:
    Person 1: “I feel hesitant to answer the questions as I would like to more fully understand what is being asked of me”
    Person 2: Oh! well let me try a different approach…I am struggling to understand what riffing is and how it actually helps the “riffer” feel differently at the end of a rif. I am not sure how feeling shift?”

    Scenario 2:
    person 1: “I feel scared I am being baited into a debate”
    person 2: “why on earth do you feel scared? of a debate…oh give me a break…what could I possibly do that would hurt you? And why would you think this is a debate? All I want to know is what riffing is…oh for crying-out-loud…”

    The compassionate mode:
    person 1: “I feel scared, in this conversation, I am not sure I have been clear in expressing my ideas and I would prefer not to feel so vulnerable”

    person 2: “oh, you are feeling scared and vulnerable? Are you feeling under attack?

    Person 1: Not really attacked, it is just that I feel best in an open communication, and a little more gentle, not quite so intense. I am at my best when I feel safe.”

    Person 2: “thanks I would really like this to be a safe conversation as well. I am wondering if you could help me a bit with this – I know I sometimes come on too strong. And it is really hard for me to recognize when I am that way. Can we have a signal of some sort that will tell me that I need to soften my approach?”

    It really takes a lot of practice to do this. I hope this illustration of the differences is helpful to those of us who practice. I have been working on this for years!

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 9:01pm

  150. 150: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Siena, Dorothea, Knocksoftly, SLV, Jacqueline, and everyone else, I appreciate your support and care. I felt embarrassed posting that stuff about texting Ryan and almost didn’t. I appreciate your acceptance and softness even tho I made a mistake.

    SLV, I have tried for over a year to get bored with him and get wrapped up in my own life. So far it hasn’t happened. I just feel like I’m missing a part of my heart. ***Sigh***

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 9:02pm

  151. 151: janjuneNo Gravatar says:

    oh and the other thing before i go to bed…

    i can see where i could fall for a man like… before Rori…

    but being on the blog, learning what’s in the ebook and rori’s emails, i see that i was falling for men because i liked PARTS of them. I like many things about this man, but also know that (NOW!!!), that we would not be a good match long term.
    but it is fun to practice…

    thank you goddess rori :)

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 9:05pm

  152. 152: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    I feel jazzed when people give me feedback on semantics and my communications.

    I feel super inspired by one of the Four Agreements, “be impeccible with your words”.

    For me, the language we use is a huge indicators of our level of awareness and consciousness.

    If I say “why would you do that? That is so wrong?” it reveals to me that I am making judgements of what is right or wrong which goes completely against my spiritual beliefs.

    I find that by micro-analyzing my words I can uncover a lot of beliefs that are out of alignment with my true spirtual nature.

    I find that being impeccible with my word can open up realms of understanding.

    I’m not saying that I always am impeccible. Oh no, not at all. But I am learning and getting better and better every day.

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 9:12pm

  153. 153: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    RE: #153 – Heeyyyy! I love your poem! You made it so cute! Just let the love flow, baby!

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 9:12pm

  154. 154: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    I think one thing that got me missing Ryan extra much is that the man on the swing in the picture at the top of this thread LOOKS like Ryan! He often wore a denim shirt with his jeans, and it was my favorite outfit on him. My dreams were blown to hell and I can’t accept that.

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 9:13pm

  155. 155: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Brenda – lol your voice feels so different on this thread, then the thread i wanted to bash your brains

    but i want to say

    ok you texted Ryan, so what!

    i don’t look at it as a step back, but rather testing the waters to see how it felt… it had been 18 days, which was a long time for you, and …

    now you’re back on your horse

    it’s ok

    i went back to guywhohadababy tons of times just to check what it felt like

    its the noticing of the feelings and stuff , and the So What! not putting myself down over it that makes it easier…

    in a way a step like that is part of the process, it helps reinforce the feelings and get clear on what stuff feels like

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 9:15pm

  156. 156: LizzieNo Gravatar says:

    LG – beautiful!

    good night everyone!

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 9:16pm

  157. 157: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Brenda: I feel sad hearing you say you made a mistake. What if there are no mistakes?

    I do feel sad seeing you sort of beg him for attention. Not because it’s a mistake but because I believe you deserve so much more. And also it triggers sadness in me for doing that with men. I know I still do it one some level.

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 9:18pm

  158. 158: LizzieNo Gravatar says:

    Interesting thoughts Daria – I am still visiting the idea of sending that note I posted last night to Married guy. It is true, it was my awareness in the shift in feelings. Thank you.

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 9:19pm

  159. 159: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    I really appreciate your efforts at communication. Your feeling messages are beautiful and peaceful! You keep outdoing yourself! Thanks for being such an excellent role model to us all of femininity, grace, kindness, and caring!

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 9:21pm

  160. 160: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Lizzie – if it were me, i would wait for his contact and then share my feelings ( no note )

    him: (short version) hi would you like to spend some time with me?

    me: ohhh.. i feel good that you want to spend time with me… and i feel really uncomfortable to say this and a little sad… i don’t really want to see you anymore at this time… i’ve felt really good with you and learned so much and i feel happy for the time we spent, but I don’t really feel as connected as before and don’t really want to continue seeing each other…

    him: OH nooo i will divorce my wife now and pursue you for real, making you feel guilty and putting you face to face with your fear of commitment and intimacy ~~ lol jk that was my addition

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 9:23pm

  161. 161: janjuneNo Gravatar says:

    i’m going to bed!!

    HAPPY riffing goddesses!

    My riff:
    i feel happy
    i feel excited
    i feel confident about life being good
    i feel lik all wounds can heal
    i feel love for rori
    and the goddesses
    i love siren island
    i love step up men
    i want a date to take me out for filet mignon
    with a glass of cabernet,
    and a baked potato,
    with bleu cheese dressing on my romaine salad
    and a piece of cheescake with strawberries on it
    with a warm brandy by a fireplace
    with a gorgeous (on the inside) step up man who loves being a man.
    i want to run one mile tomorrow
    i want to have my hair cut again by the guy who knew what to do with it
    i love girly men but don’t want to date them
    i feel cleansed
    i feel thankful
    i feel hopeful, not hopeful
    i feel hope for the future
    i feel everything will be alright

    i really mean it this time;)

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 9:23pm

  162. 162: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Brenda – you DO deserve so much better than that.

    I wonder if your new attacks on me are your way of flexing your power muscles?

    it seems you have really grown in the past 18 days, you sound a lot stronger

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 9:24pm

  163. 163: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    RE: #165 – I got tears in my eyes when you said, “I feel sad hearing you say you made a mistake. What if there are no mistakes?”

    Earlier tonight I called a local friend about missing Ryan and overfunctioning. She started to virtually yell at me, “When are you going to learn?? What is it going to take??”

    I said, “This feels bad. I’m sorry, I can’t handle harshness right now. I’m feeling really fragile. I love you, but I need to hang up.”

    She said, “You’re just running from the truth!”

    I lovingly hung up to protect my heart. She means well.

    Anyway, to hear your words in the face of that feels very soothing and gentle. It really means a lot to me. I feel so embarrassed.

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 9:26pm

  164. 164: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    RE: #170 – LOLOLOL! I don’t know. I feel stronger in some senses, and weaker in some senses. I think that was a compliment, and I thank you! That was big of you, considering everything we’ve discussed! :-)

    Tonight I am just fragile. I just feel like I need to surround myself with warmth and softness. I feel scared to even jobhunt now, because what if they garnish my wages? I can’t live on less than what I have. I feel scared about my future. I feel like I’m falling apart. I feel embarrassed to share that because I don’t feel strong at all tonight.

    But I’ll take you on, G! 😆

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 9:30pm

  165. 165: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Brenda – seriously, its ok, brush it off, it means nothing…

    so you took a dip off the bridge in the pits… at least you didn’t stay there!

    i hope you noticed if you felt good or icky in that interaction (outside of the relief of giving in to anxiety) – that’s what helps the subconscious learn the difference between what behaviors feel good and which dont

    and now youre back on the bridge… oops fell in the pit, but back on the bridge,

    brush the water off your shoulder!

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 9:30pm

  166. 166: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Brenda – i lost my temper on the other thread, so sorry about that, don’t want to bring you down since you haven’t seen it yet probably

    going out on impromptu CD with italian guy

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 9:31pm

  167. 167: DariaNo Gravatar says:


    just thinking… on the other thread i thought “i never want to talk to brenda again”

    but on this thread, i feel all close and loving towards her


    maybe im toxically addicted to Brenda! (well to what gets triggered in me in reaction to this)

    DUH!! trigger im falling into a toxic pattern of rage and love,

    and trying to change how im treated instead of

    the simple

    ohhh it feels so awful to be talked about this way

    i dont want to hear this

    (stop reading)

    hmmm wow!

    i do this with certain men too (duh!!) thats what its all about

    practice practice

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 9:35pm

  168. 168: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Oh, Daria,

    Another thing…I think I lost a local friend thru using feeling messages. In the past I didn’t confront her. Some issues really grew and left me feeling mistrustful. Finally I confronted her several times in the past couple of weeks.

    She was not used to that at all, having no exposure to all this we are learning here. Now I think she ended the friendship. I feel sad that her love was so conditional.

    Any thoughts on how to deal with stuff like that? I mean, the difference was the old issues from a year or two surfaced. She couldn’t handle hearing stuff from the past. Yet I was sick of sweeping it under the rug. I dunno. It feels bad. I guess I just let it go.

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 9:36pm

  169. 169: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    Thanks for the encouragement and kindness! I consider this blog a sisterhood, and…all siblings fight now and then.

    I don’t necessarily see it as a toxic relationship. I just feel good that we are each resilient enuff to process the triggers and come back loving. No one’s perfect. I take the meat and leave the bones. Crunch!

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 9:40pm

  170. 170: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    Maybe we could keep one thread running for building each other up and lovin on each other and a parallel thread for fighting like Tasmanian de villes! LOL! Just kiddin!

    The Dork

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 9:42pm

  171. 171: JeannetteNo Gravatar says:

    Girls, my man makes me laugh….alot…but when I’m disappointed by him….when he doesn’t want to help me because of his lack of esteem, such as when I asked him to help carve the turkey and he wouldn’t for fear he wouldn’t do it right…..I stopped laughing…when he wouldn’t talk with my kids…I stopped laughing…..it might sound cold of me….but I guess I need to learn more about why I am turned off by someone who is that insecure…does it reflect my insecurities….or is it more? I don’t like feeling this way….I know my kids would like to know who he is….but why should I have to point that out…am I a bad person for feeling this way or what?

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 9:45pm

  172. 172: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Lizzie: thank you for #157.

    It was very helpful and I feel excited to continue to refine my skillz.

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 9:45pm

  173. 173: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    I also feel overwhelmed. I’ve done so much practicing and studying and I still have so much to learn.

    That train of thought feels icky.

    I’d much rather acknowledge that life is a process and I’ll never know it all. I will always be learning and growing. That feels better.

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 9:48pm

  174. 174: JeannetteNo Gravatar says:

    Girls, I feel vulnerable here. But I have been doing some emotional eating since I have been dealing with this issue. BLAHHH!!!

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 9:49pm

  175. 175: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    There is nothing wrong or unusual how you feel when he doesn’t step up or acts out of insecurity. Just keep speaking your feelings to him from deep inside.

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 9:50pm

  176. 176: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Brenda: I kinda like that idea. One thread for our shadow sides. And people who don’t like it don’t have to particpate.


    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 9:50pm

  177. 177: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    Why do you feel vulnerable?

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 9:51pm

  178. 178: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    I want to go to Rori’s class SOOO bad! God, I pray that you will manifest a way for me to be there!

    Good night, Sirens!

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 9:59pm

  179. 179: JeannetteNo Gravatar says:

    I just feel like I am not in control of my emotions. My ex husband was shy and I would tell him that he doesn’t talk enough to others and he would take offense. So, I am not telling my current guy. He told me a lot of women have told him he is too shy and doesn’t talk enough. Shy men have difficulty with it, it makes them defensive and I guess less secure about them. SO I keep my mouth shut and now I’m eating too much. I’m trying to figure all this out. I didn’t like my ex for being this way,…now I’m involved with yet another man who is like this. He’s very sweet but sometimes I think these men use it as a crutch to not be more responsible for themselves and their actions. I don’t know if I’m making any sense here. I shouldn’t it allow me to overeat….now I’m the one not being responsible for my actions.

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 10:00pm

  180. 180: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Wow Lizzie! I’m rereading your post on CC again. It’s super awesome! Next level for sure.

    (haha! That’s a classic example of northern cali slang talk. I’m laughing at myself right now.)

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 10:00pm

  181. 181: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    God, I pray that you will manifest a way for Brenda to be there too! Not cuz I think she nneds to be there but just because she really really wants it.

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 10:06pm

  182. 182: JacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    LG – I was writing this and thought that if I were going to say/write it I should have courage and just ask you – so here it is:

    Anyway, LG has suddenly and strongly taken issue with me – when before she was always friendly and telling me about her band, etc. Feels weird. I wish there was more explanation from everyone involved on how the tools are supposed to produce which result. Even Rori doesn’t explain much. You may hear frustration, but you don’t hear accusation. I think everyone assumes I’m playing dumb – when I really do not get it.
    I’m very tired of people thinking in 3 months I’ve mastered Rori’s programs and am now being condescending towards them. It’s a form of social cutting that is….blah blah.

    That may not be in feeling messages, but it definitely describes how I feel. Frustrated as H*LL!!!

    and for what? WHY is a better question?

    I was told once that if I didn’t get with the program I’d be run off – I thought it was a joke. If it’s true, someone just tell me now.

    Oh, and yeah, my blood pressure’s up and I can feel my heart pounding….but somehow that is a good thing?

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 10:12pm

  183. 183: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Jeanette: it sounds to me like you are making judgements about the men for being shy.

    I know I always feel bad when I’m making judgements about people and not accepting them for who they are. It’s like my nv’s are turning outward and judging others and basically saying they aren’t good enough as they are.

    Judging never feels good. Well, it can feel good in the sense that it brings relief sometimes. When when our nv’s are judging others, there attention is diverted from us for a minute which feels good.

    But ultimately it feels bad.

    This guy is a quiet kinda guy. It’s probably never going to change. Maybe it will if he decides on his own he wants to change. But never from you requesting that he does.

    Maybe you don’t want a quiet guy. Maybe this guy helped you to get clear on that. You have every right to want to be with someone outgoing.

    But you don’t really have the right to change him. It just never works out. I know you know that. :-)

    anyway, I hope that helps. I’ve been waning to converse with you for a while but it just never happened.

    Also, I hope your okay with me using boy voice here. I just really wanted to share and feeling a little overwhelmed with formulate feeling messages right now. I really hope I communicated in a way that keeps the communication open between us. :-)

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 10:17pm

  184. 184: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Jaqueline: I hear you. You feel weird and confused cuz we used to be buddies and now it feels different. I understand that feels weird and not good. And I feel sad about that. I don’t want you to feel bad.

    I’m noticing that I have been feeling hesitant and resistant to interacting with you.

    I feel uncomfortable with some of your questions and attitude about things here.

    You’re not wrong for doing what you’re doing. But the effect is has is thatt I feel standoffish and resistant towards you some of the times.

    I do see and appreciate a lot about you too. And I would much rather get along with you.

    I would like for us to both feel good.

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 10:38pm

  185. 185: jacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    That’s good, LG – really if you’d feel better not interacting I am good with that to. It just felt like you were initiating interacting with me and not in a soft, gentle way and I don’t know why. We’ve never debated or had any words about anything. I feel you differently too – you’re a lot more sad, for example. So maybe that has nothing to do with me.

    I want to be here, and I want to selectively shift what I pick up and what I read. I don’t want anyone interacting with me that feels badly about me. I am making small changes in how I talk to people all the time – in my life. I am letting Rori challenge and change my thinking and to me, that’s good enough.

    You hear that I want explanations of the reasoning behind the tools and I hear that I’m really not going to get them. I’m accepting of that.

    I do feel good but somehow when I come here I end up walking away not feeling good. It’s weird to me, as in I can’t quite put my finger on it.

    But I find growth too, so that’s good. I feel better when I don’t write so much, but it’s so not in my nature not to join in.

    But I want to do whatever it takes to not give up on learning and to feel good being here – so I’ll be selectively shifting and if you don’t see my name…lurking!!

    Grins and thanks for answering,


    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 10:49pm

  186. 186: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Lizzie? Wanna hear something funny?

    I wrote that post about how I like getting feedback on my communication before I saw that post where you actually did give me feedback. Then I saw the feedback and my first reaction was “geez! Why’s she gotta single me out? At least I’m trying!!!”.

    Then I remembered that I had just written about how much I like feedback and I just had to laugh at the timing of it all.

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 10:50pm

  187. 187: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Jaqueline: it’s not that I don’t want to interact with you or that you’ve been directly unkind to me. It’s just that I feel really bad reading some of your generalized comments about the blog.

    I want to let all of that go. We’ve all said (for lack of a better word) sh*t before. No big deal. I can let it go and move on.

    I am here because I want to grow. I like that we have that in common.

    All is well. It’s all good.

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 10:56pm

  188. 188: JeannetteNo Gravatar says:

    Laughing Goddess…thanks for sharing. i probably do better with outgoing men, although, I am drawn to shy men often…I think they’re deep and just plain sweet…I will think on these things you’ve mentioned. I don’t like being a judgmental person but I know I am at times…Well I know others in my life want me to be more secure also. I don’t have a lot of money and he doesn’t really have any to speak of. That might be bothering me more then anything. Anyway, I need to get some rest….thanks for sharing your thoughts!

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 10:57pm

  189. 189: SweetpeaNo Gravatar says:

    I think my boyfriend is in jail. :(

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 10:59pm

  190. 190: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Jeanette: well if it’s more about the financial security…

    I totally understand your concerns and wanting to be safe. I have some similar concerns about my guy. It’s a little different. He’s kinda young (33) and hasn’t really found his calling. And that’s scares me a bit.

    But I’m trying to focus on my truth which is…my relationship to money, abundance, prosperity really has nothing to do with him but is more about my trust of god or spirit.

    I feel a little unsure of exactly how to say this…

    Money is just a symbol of energy. And that energy is awesome and powerful and abundant. And I see money as being like air. I don’t try to work work work to get the air I need to breathe. I just breathe in and the air is there. I don’t worry if the air will be there tomorrow. I just wake up and start breathing.

    For me, it’s a big step to trust that god will provide ne with the energy that is represented by the symbol money just as he/she provides me with air.

    It’s just conditioning that makes us think we have to worry and hoard our money. Gosh, thank god we haven’t been conditioned to do that with air!

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 11:14pm

  191. 191: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    I like exploring this topic cuz as I said it comes up for me too.

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 11:15pm

  192. 192: NikitaNo Gravatar says:


    In fifth grade I was in love with Calley, who was the by far prettiest girl in the school. Sadly, she didn’t return my affection, so I had to be content with adoring her from afar. Eventually I moved away and lost touch. Since then I’ve wondered if she suffered the fate that befalls too many gorgeous women: relying so entirely on her looks to make her way in the world that she never developed many skills. But recently I tracked Calley down via Google and discovered that she had beaten the curse: She has carved out a career as an activist bringing first-rate education to poor children. My question to you is this, Gemini: Are there any qualities you regarded as assets earlier in your life but that eventually turned into liabilities? Any strengths that became weaknesses? And what are you doing to adjust? It’s a good time to address these themes.

    How are you going to change what needs to be changed and accept what needs to be accepted? To get some support from me, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

    Lewis Thomas was a physician who wrote elegantly about biology in books like The Lives of a Cell. I want to bring your attention to his meditation on warts. “Nothing in the body has so much the look of toughness and permanence as a wart,” he wrote. And yet “they can be made to go away by something that can only be called thinking … Warts can be ordered off the skin by hypnotic suggestion.” Thomas regarded this phenomenon as “absolutely astonishing, more of a surprise than cloning or recombinant DNA.”

    Using your mind power, go ahead and shrink, dissolve, or banish a wart or wart-like vexation.
    The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 11:20pm

  193. 193: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    KS: in what way are you difficult?

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 11:21pm

  194. 194: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Ha ha Nikita! I’m actually pretty gorgeous but didn’t realize until recently so luckily I didn’t befall that fate.

    I just bought dude’s book the other day. Love it!

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 11:25pm

  195. 195: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Assets turned into liabilities???? Hmmm, I wonder

    I’m sure there are.


    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 11:27pm

  196. 196: NikitaNo Gravatar says:


    At this phase of my life, I’m not canvassing door-to-door asking people to donate money to save old growth forests. I’m not a member of groups fighting for an end to the war in Afghanistan or agitating in behalf of animal rights. My struggle for social and environmental justice is waged primarily through the power of my writing. I subscribe to the attitude of author Ingrid Bengis, who said, “Words are a form of action, capable of influencing change.” In the coming weeks, I suggest you increase your awareness of how you could transform your world with the power of your language. Is it possible to increase your clout through the way you communicate?

    Want more clues? Need further insight? For more evocative questions and pithy suggestions about your unfolding destiny, check out your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

    At New York’s Museum of Modern Art, I brought my face to within a few inches of Vincent van Gogh’s painting The Starry Night. It looked delicious. I wanted to kiss it. I wanted to eat it. Its stars were throbbing and voluptuous. The night sky shimmered with spiral currents. In the foreground, the cypress tree flared like a shadowy flame.

    I could also see that the artist had been less than thorough in applying his paint. Especially on the edges, but also in the middle of the painting, slivers of untouched canvas showed through. Fierce, innocent, nourishing, reckless, unfinished, this priceless work drank my attention for a long time, constantly refreshing my eyes with its ceaseless movement.

    Can you be at peace with the fact that your masterpiece may always be unfinished?
    The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 11:27pm

  197. 197: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Nikita: if my Venus is in Gemini does that mean I have sl*t tendencies?

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 11:29pm

  198. 198: NikitaNo Gravatar says:


    I got caught in moderation,


    At this phase of my life, I’m not canvassing door-to-door asking people to donate money to save old growth forests. I’m not a member of groups fighting for an end to the war in Afghanistan or agitating in behalf of animal rights. My struggle for social and environmental justice is waged primarily through the power of my writing. I subscribe to the attitude of author Ingrid Bengis, who said, “Words are a form of action, capable of influencing change.” In the coming weeks, I suggest you increase your awareness of how you could transform your world with the power of your language. Is it possible to increase your clout through the way you communicate?
    At New York’s Museum of Modern Art, I brought my face to within a few inches of Vincent van Gogh’s painting The Starry Night. It looked delicious. I wanted to kiss it. I wanted to eat it. Its stars were throbbing and voluptuous. The night sky shimmered with spiral currents. In the foreground, the cypress tree flared like a shadowy flame.

    I could also see that the artist had been less than thorough in applying his paint. Especially on the edges, but also in the middle of the painting, slivers of untouched canvas showed through. Fierce, innocent, nourishing, reckless, unfinished, this priceless work drank my attention for a long time, constantly refreshing my eyes with its ceaseless movement.

    Can you be at peace with the fact that your masterpiece may always be unfinished?

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 11:30pm

  199. 199: NikitaNo Gravatar says:


    I give up…..I have been doubly moderated :(

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 11:31pm

  200. 200: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Sweetpea: what? What’s going on?

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 11:32pm

  201. 201: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Geez. Must have been pretty dirty.

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 11:33pm

  202. 202: jacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    @ Sweetpea! OMGosh…I’m shutting down computer but wanted to say hey – and that must feel awful? Let us know and hope you are able to find something out soon???


    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 11:33pm

  203. 203: NikitaNo Gravatar says:


    I doubt it but we all define sl$t differently…my old flame had v in gem and I believe he was monogamous but he loved communication….he loved ideas and he loved talking to me for hours…..and he could listen….and laugh….yawn….I need sleep.

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 11:33pm

  204. 204: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    No! It was the Virgo horoscope for KS!!!!! :(

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 11:34pm

  205. 205: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Nikita: that doesn’t sound like me at all!

    :-) good night

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 11:44pm

  206. 206: SweetpeaNo Gravatar says:

    Sorry. Was feeling mischievous there.

    This really hit home with me:
    “I know I always feel bad when I’m making judgments about people and not accepting them for who they are. It’s like my nv’s are turning outward and judging others and basically saying they aren’t good enough as they are.” And…is partially the reason I posted, “I think my boyfriend is in jail.” The “boyfriend” part was my mischievous side. Just plain evil…muahahaha!

    I’ve always thought I was one of the least judgmental people on the planet, but then I was faced head-on with pretty much all of my “judgment” wrapped up in one sexy, tidy package. Namely, a hunky tree trimmer (you think the biceps are good, you should see the back & abs…yum!), who did 4 years in prison, doesn’t currently have a driver’s license, and actually might be in jail tonight. And I was so hesitant to give him a chance. (Those are pretty much the only “oh hell no”s I have about guys I date. Completely closed off, close-minded, judgmental NOs. Oh yeah…& he was a member of a biker club. So, imagine my surprise when the lovely goddess Brenda gently told me, “If I were you I’d go by my feelings. You seem limited by judgments,” and I realized, “omg! I AM judging him.” I’m not giving myself the chance to learn what I have to learn because I am so far in my head & JUDGING this guy.” (Thanks Brenda!)

    So I’ve gone out with him, I love the way I feel around him, I love the way he treats me, I laugh & smile around him constantly, and I feel sooo confused. But I really don’t care, because he’s just too much fun! I’m still having a hard time staying out of my head, but am I ever enjoying myself.

    He had court today though in small town, the cops are bored, judgmentalville, USA and there is a possibility he’s in jail. And I find myself thinking, “wow! Did you ever think you’d be saying to yourself, ‘I wonder if my guy is in jail.’?”

    It feels weird, foreign, alien. Freaky.

    So…working past my pre-conceived notions seems to be the order of the day. Thanks for sharing your wisdom on judging.

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 11:50pm

  207. 207: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    Yeah, men supposedly project their Venus and women embody it so I can understand it not sounding like you.
    I feel bummed about being stuck in moderation…..not quite myself…… Nite

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 11:51pm

  208. 208: SweetpeaNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks LG & Jacqueline. This feels freakishly weird to me, to be even wondering about. Not that I’m a “li’l goody two shoes” but I’ve purposely avoided guys who have a history with the law since I was young and a friend pointed out to me my tendency to date bad boys & thus take on the care-taker role. My tendency has been to date more the criminal mastermind who may break the law (don’t we all in one way or another – I’m a speeder) but doesn’t get caught.

    So I guess I just don’t know what to do with myself in this case. My brain keeps telling me, “you shoulda never given him the time of day,” but my feelings say, “hang in there. Enjoy the ride.” Ugh! Grr!

    Anyway…so I’m finding I’m having to fight the urge to just settle in with this guy, because he is stepping up BIG TIME and not worry about CDing. But I’ve been here before recently & it was yucky. So I went out and met a guy I’d been chatting with from a dating site awhile back. Attractive, sweet guy. I knew I could make plans cuz tree trimmer guy didn’t have me sewn up tonight. So I go meet this attractive, tall, sweet man and he starts telling me how sick he is, and depressed and borderline suicidal & he’s considering giving up on on-line dating, thinks he’ll be alone the rest of his life, doesn’t know what love is or if he’s even capable of it & I’m just thinking, “Wow. I really don’t know what to think about this or how to handle it.” So I just stayed open and listened and was warm and compassionate. It was easy, but my heart really goes out to this guy. I am a sucker every time for the guys who are convinced they’re destined to be alone and never know love. But…I’m so not wanting to be this guy’s savior.

    this one I have no feeling of, “you’ve got something to learn from this guy.” I know my boundaries as far as dating emotionally stable men who are capable of giving to me. My point is…how the heck am I going to CD? And how/why/what the…is my lesson here. It just seems to confirm my resistance to CD.

    I don’t know how to do this!!!!!!

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 12:18am

  209. 209: SweetpeaNo Gravatar says:

    Oh and btw, CD guy made it pretty clear he’s not that attracted & wants to just be friends. So he’s definitely off my CD list. Next!

    Subtly told me I’m too fat for him. Hmmm. Why doesn’t that hurt my feelings? He really was sweet. Actually, he told me that girls he’s met tell him he’s too fat (he’s not fat) and that he realizes he’s not what he was in his 20s, but he’s still attracted to what he was attracted to in his 20s even though he realizes it’s not realistic to expect a 20 y.o. body from women in their 30s.

    Oh! Daria – thanks for sharing what you did about riffing. You’d given me some pointers on it awhile back, but I pretty much completely misunderstood. Tonight cleared things up wonderfully. Hope you’re having fun on your date!

    Good night all!

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 12:37am

  210. 210: SweetpeaNo Gravatar says:

    Tree trimmer guy in comparison to most other guys I’ve dated feels like the Zipper (my fave ride) in comparison to the ferris wheel (la di da. Boring)! Safe, (and I do feel completely & utterly safe with him and respected) but fun as opposed to safe, but yawn! And he makes hella good tostados. Yum! And moves like a jungle cat. Possibly a caged jungle cat though. Hmmm. I’m dating a circus animal.

    Wow! Think it’s time for me to go to bed. I feel like a freak caricature of my former self.

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 12:50am

  211. 211: JeannetteNo Gravatar says:

    Laughing Goddess…Oh ye enlightened one….I really REALLY felt the spirit when I read your words. Thanks ever so much. I KNOW I’ve been conditioned to worry about money..That is ALL my family knows how to do. My sister, my mother, my aunt…..I am feeling sorry for myself. I have to go out in the early morning to work and beat the cold…up here in MI. And as I get older I really don’t want to do it. I want security. My fiance is done working, at least for the most part because of his health…Well, I wouldn’t want his health issues but I still want to stay in my warm snug bed in the mornings….at least some of the time. Oh well, I have to get to work for now….thanks for your words, I can tell you’re a very special person and thank you for sharing…..

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 2:30am

  212. 212: Tessa123No Gravatar says:

    If a guy is saying something you don’t like through humour, speak up and tell him you don’t like it! I believe that silence is consent and this is especially true when it comes to how we let men treat us.

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 2:32am

  213. 213: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    omg so excited ! Italian and I guy were talking about getting into modeling… he did it before and he has A LOT of contacts

    he says hes the type of person who always follows through on stuff and getting it done (something i feel weak on)

    and i started telling him about my ideas about a reality show … and he LOVED my ideas !!

    i came up with so much stuff

    its gonna be awesome

    he said its actually gonna be EASY to put it together… he knows SEveral film crews, a movie producer and lots of agents

    this is sooo exciting

    he thinks im a marketing GENIUS

    hes liek this is going to be the Best thing on TV


    this is so exciting

    i am so excited about this thank you angels i am open to this hehe

    i dont want to push it away and thats just a thought i love my protective thoughts

    and i choose to have what i want


    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 2:39am

  214. 214: DeniseNo Gravatar says:

    Captive: Day 6

    Still no phone calls. Except for a text.

    I couldn’t tkae it anymore. Like a few of you lately, pondering through posting, wondering, “is he dead?”

    So I initiated last night:

    She: Come out, come out wherever you are!
    He: Chicken Bok Bok

    WTF??? Chicken? That is what I had a for dinner. My man is telling me he is chicken? What does that mean???

    I’m thinking, what happened? What did he do??? What didn’t he do??? I know what he has not done, is call me. Why? Is he still doing the freaky chicken dance thinking I had a CD on Saturday night?

    She: Use your manly energy!

    I did not know what to say. I wanted to use a feeling message, and it would not come out. I turned off my phone and attempted to sleep.

    I feel confused. I feel let down. I FEEL/KNOW he is not communicating. I feel he is hiding in his man cave. I feel we bummed we do not have weekend plans.


    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 3:44am

  215. 215: DeniseNo Gravatar says:

    KS- glad someone is riding! Actually in the midst of my angst, last night I got asked out by a guy who is visiting my town. We emailed for a bit, as he is super young for me, but I don’t care. He seemed together, adn intelligent. Maybe this CD will be what the doctor ordered!

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 3:59am

  216. 216: DeniseNo Gravatar says:

    Pretty sounds so nice and girlie!

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 4:00am

  217. 217: LuzyNo Gravatar says:

    How do some of you can CD? It is difficult enough to become interested in one man or have one man become interested in me. I use Online dating and get plenty of emails, but I am lucky if I get a date or two.

    Maybe CD is not for me.

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 4:11am

  218. 218: DeniseNo Gravatar says:

    @ Seetpea- sorry about teh tree trimming biker zipper. Hope he is safe.

    @ Tinque, I feel sad listening about your pets. They have lived long and must be very well taken care of! I love my critters, and cannot imagine being without my one boy. I have not had to make that decision myself, yet. But I fear that it will come soon. My mom’s ailing and so is her doggie- he is 16 and has dementia, just like mom. Mom can’t walk, but the dog walks into walls. They both are in good spirits, like to laugh, and enjoy their food, and not in pain. So I too, hope the little one just goes in his sleep. I do not want to make that call. I may have to. I often wish we could make that call of euthanasia for our other loved ones, like my mom.

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 4:14am

  219. 219: DeniseNo Gravatar says:

    Sweetpea- spelling problem- it is the keyboard, sorry! Couldn’t be me, right?

    Luzy, I often think exactly that. CD is a tool to keep you busy and out there, learning, I say go at your own pace. Otherwise, it can become a full time job juggling! I have had that at times, but that is not for me. Age may be a determining factor, too. When in my thirties it was easier. Now, 40’s so many other obligations in m y life. Do you mind if I inquire as to your age?

    I am online too. It is a numbers game, and I am picky who I write back. I do not write the majority of them as I feel there would not be enough commonality for me to even consider taking the time to get ready and leave th house to meet them! Sometimes they dwindle out. What about you?

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 4:32am

  220. 220: DeniseNo Gravatar says:

    KS- I remember reading your post. Wow, you have come along way! Good for u! I am glad to hear you are accepting it, (that expression about this too shall pass, is one I know well) and making yourself pretty!

    Too funny about how I can do that! I had to sleep at my dad’s last night so I can take him to the md this morning- sort of an emergency appt. We booked late yesterday, and I wasn’t planning on staying out. I do not have a stitch of makeup or anything!!! I went out and bought a toothbrush last night so I can tolerate my own breath!!!!

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 4:39am

  221. 221: Tessa123No Gravatar says:

    To Hadassah: oh, you’re so young, you don’t need to be worrying about getting married. I think it is better to focus on yourself and what makes you happy and fulfilled. Sometimes i think we think “the grass is greener over there” but often it isn’t! i’m 39, have never been engaged or married and my thirties have been great years!
    Do you have hobbies you enjoy?

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 4:47am

  222. 222: DeniseNo Gravatar says:

    There is nothing to fear but fear itself! It is up to you how to CD (or not), there isn’t a set way particularly that is going to fit everyones’ need, desire, and want.

    It starts at home. KS, you need some pampering now, more than ever! It’s being “all about ME”.

    Think of it this way, guys do it all the time, when they are playing the field.

    Do what feels right.

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 4:48am

  223. 223: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    This is a message from my kittens!!! :-)

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 5:00am

  224. 224: DeniseNo Gravatar says:

    Great typing abilities. I need a secretary, are they ready to work?

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 5:11am

  225. 225: LizzieNo Gravatar says:

    “come out come out where ever you are” – oh, I like that….

    mine was “Hey! are you out slaying draggons???”

    I am dumping men today – that is my mission in life today = the Scorpio has risen…..dum de dummmmm muhahahahah…..evilness prevails…! Yeah!!

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 6:19am

  226. 226: JoriNo Gravatar says:

    Wow! I just read all the posts here and…

    I feel sad for Tinque and this new season for her with her beautiful, sweet-soul pets…

    And I remember when I was a vet assistant and a woman came in with her cat making the decision she didn’t want to make and I had to assist in that and how it haunts me, even now…

    And I understand the feeling of losing these loved animals…so soft and…not toxic to us and feeling such gratitude and love…having known these little lives that just curled up for us on our laps. And it is a mixture of joy and pain.

    Dear Brenda…I understand your angst…I feel it too. And the desire to reach out to him and the feeling of relief, embarrassment, like I just crawled for a moment…but it gets better as I work with Rori’s tools.

    Thank God for Rori…I want to cry now because He has sent her to be a messenger and I’m taking my free will to heal and learn and change and FEEL…

    And I falter and I question and I decide to let go of my Mr. Toxic who is homeless and back, sort of, under my roof, and he helps me and he tells me he loves me and…I’m taking crumbs but I feel okay right now about that – while he has his new interest and he seems confused and I’m confused, but I don’t want him back.

    And he may step up to the plate, but I don’t really care anymore if he does…

    I got Toxic Man program yesterday and am devoted to 90 days of learning learning learning about myself and I understand my little girl

    who was given up by first mommy and daddy
    And I discovered that I always imagined him as being some nasty uncaring a***

    who was taken in by second mommy into toxic home

    and I was always invisible
    good good little girl, me
    I don’t know if I was trying to get love by being

    …a servant

    but just trying to survive

    and I spent my life in friendships/relationships doing doing doing
    not breathing
    sacrificing everything
    money, body, mind, emotions

    just trying to survive because
    love is being alone while I love you
    and you don’t have to love me
    but I love those words with no action

    and I feel confused by them…familiar confusion

    my head spins and if it stops I will see
    and I’m not afraid to see

    this isn’t easy…discovering me
    and looking back at years of life
    and I’m not young
    but thankful I have youthfulness

    And I hold on to the trapeze ahead of me
    with one hand on the trapeze behind me

    I feel secure
    I feel scared
    I feel safe
    I feel unstable…unsure…sometimes sultry
    Sometimes stiff…stifled…sexy…sick…

    On my way to being healthy, but the road is full of bumps and I don’t want anymore bruises

    And I want him to want me and I don’t want him
    and I want him and I want me more…

    and I want to practice my tools and ebook and siren dvd and toxic man dvds…and cd’ing…before I feel ready to let him go … because maybe, just maybe

    I can let him go feeling stronger than I do now…

    but I’m not in love anymore and I don’t know if I love him…I just want to stop bleeding and take off the bandage and see my new little scar

    and love my battle wound

    and get out of the battle because I’m walking away

    and he may follow me out of the fog

    or go that way with her

    and I care and I don’t care

    I just want to practice.

    I feel angry…I want to scream and tell him to get the h*** out and go to your new boo…can’t she help you? bum money, cigarettes, food, shelter from her

    the new one you have a sweet voice for
    and put on a nice face for

    then you come here for shelter
    and put your arms around me and I feel nothing
    and I check (because I’m weirdly obsessed to) and see online that you texted her 10 minutes earlier to say goodnight

    And I’m gonna get my groove on
    And make eye contact with others because I want to be seen…not invisible…and it works

    When I feel ok to do it…
    when I’m not feeling to tired, or too icky or something.

    But when I shine…I shine…but I can’t always shine

    because, after all, I have other stuff on my mind besides you…like aging mother, low income, my future, I want more than one pair of pants to wear and I feel blah wearing them day in and day out

    but I can still shine in them

    because nobody else knows.

    and I have two daughters to care for and we have so many other issues besides you, Mr. Toxic.

    And, i don’t want to be co-toxic…so I want to practice being un-co-toxic…not because I want you or am feeling you…

    because I’m simply not ready to let go…not yet. But I don’t seek you out
    You seek me out

    Well, I’m seeking me out, too…thank you very much…and you are becoming more and more peripheral

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 6:40am

  227. 227: RachelNo Gravatar says:


    Hugs!! We’ve all done this reaching out thing … and like Daria said, it’s a way to see how it feels. And it feels horrible! So it just reminds you how much more powerful and healthy it feels to lean back even though you’re missing him. At least you are in control and not having to “hear” the coldness and distance in what he says or doesn’t say.

    It took me almost a year before I got it through my head that I was NEVER going to hear what I wanted to hear unless HE initiated it. And even if he did squeak out a few kind words in response to my not-so-subtle pleading, they didn’t feel good anyway.

    So… be kind to yourself today. You found out the answer to your question … let your yucky feelings last night give you courage today. You don’t deserve to feel that way.

    I do understand the grieving and longing. I keep myself busy, but the pain has never completely gone away. I shed a few tears even this morning reading your text convo because it felt so familiar.

    I hope you have a beautiful day. I hope I have one too!

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 6:46am

  228. 228: RoseNo Gravatar says:

    Big Hugs Tinque…I feel sad and sorry about your kitty…

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 7:00am

  229. 229: RoseNo Gravatar says:

    Just a little good morning ladies..Knocksoftly, it felt good reading you felt like making yourself pretty! yay I see it as steps to CDing yourself!

    What happened to Renee? I’m wondering how she is doing…

    My new supplements seem to be kicking in, because normally I am reaching the time where I start feeling like a basket case…
    Oh evening primrose I love you…<3 hahaaa

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 7:02am

  230. 230: tinqueNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you Denise…

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 7:10am

  231. 231: tinqueNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you Jori and Rose…

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 7:13am

  232. 232: LizzieNo Gravatar says:

    Oh I did it… I just dumped 2 men – what a relief….

    I dumped married guy – wrote him a really nice note – it is a modification of what I posted the other night on the other thread. If anyone wants to see it, I will copy it into here.

    I dumped the teacher – wrote him a really nice note

    I decided not to dump family guy, am going to just stick him on the back of my horse – he is too green and might come back in a year

    I have a date with a Frenchman on Sunday… who knows

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 7:13am

  233. 233: HoneyNo Gravatar says:

    Lizzie –

    I’m glad you dumped Married Guy and also glad you sent him a nice note. It’s always good to treat others with respect.

    I hate dumping guys. They guys I go out with are always good, sincere guys. But there is only so much time. By the end of this week I will have had 5 dates with 4 different guys. That’s too much and it’s becoming a job. I hid my profile on Match and eHarmony to slow things down. I’m going to have to cut someone loose if they don’t weed themselves out. Not really feeling chemistry with the guy I’m going out with tonight. It is our 3rd date. If he kisses me and I’m not feeling it, I’m cutting him loose. I’m sensual and have to have that chemistry.

    What do you say when you cut a guy loose?

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 8:08am

  234. 234: HoneyNo Gravatar says:

    Lizzie –

    What’s the deal with Family Guy? People post all over the place, so I’m out of the loop. He seems like a good guy.

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 8:13am

  235. 235: Tessa123No Gravatar says:

    hi Rori, one question: how long does it take a man to know that you are the one for him that he wants to spend his life with you?

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 8:28am

  236. 236: DeniseNo Gravatar says:

    Lizzie- Ride, Lizzie, Ride!

    Good for you! When I read your initial story about Married Guy, I was wondering how you would respond to the posts. I am glad to hear yoru news as I think it is a step towards Mr. Right.

    I like the comment on slaying the dragons.

    Why do they go in the man cave? I know he is missing me. I give him the gift.

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 8:29am

  237. 237: DeniseNo Gravatar says:

    Honey, seems you are taking control, that’s great.

    I’m with you, if on date 3 you are not feeling it; do what you feel.

    Cutting loose? Sometimes it is not what you say as to what you do. Nothing works.

    I’m smiling about writing that. : D

    Obviously if they deserve respect, it is given.

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 8:32am

  238. 238: LizzieNo Gravatar says:

    Honey – I had a note from him about 10 days ago suggesting a date, I responded and haven’t heard from him since. I think he is just too busy. I will continue to see him if he comes around because my intuition tells me he is a good guy and a keeper. Every once in a while, I check to see if his profile is active – it hasn’t been since July. In one of his notes he sent to me, he indicated he hasn’t even been working out! Even if he is seeing other women, I don’t feel “at risk” of loosing him entirely. Odd as that may sound. Who knows….maybe I have a tiny bit invested in an outcome, but am continuing to keep that at bay. I have continued to date. Nada chemistry with any guy yet. Funny thing about “the vibe” – I picked up the vibe with Family guy outside of the resto when we met the first time! 18 months ago I met a guy to play golf – I picked up the vibe 100 yards away! I pay attention to it. I am looking for that zap. It really is telling.

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 8:34am

  239. 239: Turtle GirlNo Gravatar says:


    In your post about being turned off with insecure men. I get the feeling when I am turned off by insecure men it means that somehow along the way I have grown out of that skin. In your example-as far as talking etc to your kids. I dated a man who just stood there when my daughter and her boyfriend walked up. I was chating with her a bit. I had to pull him into the convo, and they had all met before! He just stood there.
    I could tell she felt awkward. I felt like “shit dude, can’t you step up, offer your hand, say helloo nice to see you again sweetie” or something of that nature.

    Argghhhhhh trigger trigger trigger I hate insecure little boy men. So that means I am growing. I am not so insecure like I used to be. I know what social graces are and how to friggin act……..xxoo and so do you! that is why this guy bothers you so! It ain’t right honey, somethin jus ain’t right!

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 8:51am

  240. 240: Turtle GirlNo Gravatar says:


    As far as quiet guys. I can remember once I dated a guy who never said anything. I mean it was bad. Just sat there like a bump on a log. Shy was an understatement. So I asked God to send me a man that talked more——–lol—–weeeeelllllllll be really careful what you ask for cause I got one and it was horrible. He NEVER shut up. Ran his mouth 24/7 and I Wanted to just slap him and say “Shut the f up for five mintues can you pleeezzee! You make me sooo tired. Listening to your drivel makes me exhausted!” And it did. Then it got funny. I stopped to think about how ironic life really is sometimes. Wow…..I don’t mind quieter men so much now……lol ha ha xxoo

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 9:04am

  241. 241: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Nikita, you silly goose, I was kidding. That sounds exactly like me. What’s going on? Why don’t you feel like yourself? Feeling better today?

    Tinque and Denise: ooooo, the passing of our wonderful furry friends. For me, it’s such a bittersweet experiences. There can be such a sweetness in death…witnessing a creature let go of it’s earthly body and step fully into a divine space. Yet bitter for, well obvious reasons. Wishing you the best in navigating through it.

    Daria: can’t wait to see the show! So cool!

    Brenda: kitten typing felt warm and fuzzy to read. I think you’ve found your asst. editors for your new home business.

    Sweetpea: ha ha, you trickster! I completely missed the “boyfriend” thing. Not funny! I’m telling Rori! Now behave yourself!!!

    Jeanette: thank you for the kind words. We are all channeling spirit in one way or another. I know you will return the favor for me sometime…and just when I need it.

    Lizzie: Kali-ma energy today? Sometimes it’s just the right medicine eh?

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 9:06am

  242. 242: HoneyNo Gravatar says:

    Lizzie –

    Do you feel like the chemistry can develop? I’m trying to be open to it developing. I still miss Hunky Man cause we had this amazing chemistry…unfortunately I slept with him too soon. I can’t do that without getting emotionally invested, then I get all crazy.

    Just talked to another guy on Match…he wants to call me again. But I just want to find a guy that I feel really EXCITED about. I don’t want “nice” or “pleasant”…I want “earth-shaking” and “mind-blowing”. And I want it NOW. CDing is so freakin’ much work! Gripe, gripe, gripe…

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 9:06am

  243. 243: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    TG: haha! Reminds me of the story about the three bears…and this one is just right….

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 9:09am

  244. 244: HoneyNo Gravatar says:


    But remember, Goldie Locks had to sleep in a lot of beds first to find the one that was just right! jk

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 9:11am

  245. 245: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    I rearranged the furniture in my goddess temple last night. I sat around feeling “lazy” and hungry, and after I made some healthy goddess food for myself, I suddenly was inspired to move the furniture around – something I had been meaning to do for weeks now. My apt looks like it’s out of a magazine now.

    Still more to do! Deep bathroom cleaning, vacuuming the whole house, and I want to buy new goddess bedding!

    LI is going to hang up all my beeeautiful artwork too. This feels GOOD.

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 9:12am

  246. 246: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Honey: I hear you that cd-ing can be exhausting. It can seriously be like a part-time job. Too bad we don’t get paid for it. Well, I guess we do in a sense.

    Something about attraction…not sure if it applies in your situation. If we are in the pattern of being attracted to the “wrong” men, sometimes it’s good for us to go out with guys we aren’t attracted to. Once we’re around them for a bit and experience being treated well, our attractions change.

    Like I said, I don’t know if that applies to you. Are your attractions usually spot on? Or do you tend to be attracted to guys who end up not being good for you?

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 9:14am

  247. 247: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Honey: ha ha! This is true!

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 9:14am

  248. 248: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Goldilocks is a metaphor for CD-ing!

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 9:15am

  249. 249: Turtle GirlNo Gravatar says:

    Yeah I do know what ya mean. Just right is what we are ALL looking for-just right for us! xxoo

    To this day that man still talks up a storm. I am still friends with him for years, but I can ony handle him in small doses. He talks and talks and talks about—–well—NOTHING! Just babbles on and on and on….I am amazed at where the energy comes from to do it. He is a sweet man, but wow……If I lived with him I would have to get out the knifes and stab him in his sleep……..lol….xxoo

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 9:16am

  250. 250: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Dorothea: sweet! I figured you must have been doing that since we didn’t hear from you again last night. :-)

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 9:17am

  251. 251: HoneyNo Gravatar says:

    Good question. I’ve been attracted to good guys and not so good guys. I like guys with charisma. I have a lot of charisma, I think. I expect a lot…brains, education, charisma, money, fun, artsy, good conversation, family oriented. Not so picky about looks or ethnicity.

    I’m trying to be open and try different things. But I need to slow things down a bit. I have spent more time CDing this week than on my paying job…and I don’t feel like getting fired at the moment.

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 9:19am

  252. 252: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    I feel mighty powerful strong for moving my sofa and shelves and heavy table all by myself:D And gently enough to not disturb the neighbors. I am a minnie mouse closet superhero

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 9:19am

  253. 253: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    TG: ya, I would too! All that talking drives me nuts!!!!!

    I mean, I love to talk but….there gotta be some quiet space too.

    I feel tensed up just thinking about guys I know like that. Eeks!

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 9:19am

  254. 254: HoneyNo Gravatar says:

    LG –

    I hope Goldilocks is not a metaphor…remember, after sleeping in the bed that felt right, she ended up running for her life in the end!

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 9:21am

  255. 255: HoneyNo Gravatar says:

    TG –

    You make me laugh! Buy some ear plugs then just smile and nod. He will never know the difference!

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 9:22am

  256. 256: Turtle GirlNo Gravatar says:


    Yeah big time. I was reading an article somewhere -maybe inner bonding-I don’t remember but it was about talking all the time as a form of control. And this this has control issues like wow. Of course we women know that all our explaining to men all the time is a form of control. I still have trouble with that one. I think-but if only you would listen and let me explain then you would get it! Not. He just tunes out…….oye. Just noticing my little faulty faulties this a.m….lookie this here TG you suck and need to change this and that lil thing don’t you? Hmmmmmm…….la la la la la

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 9:24am

  257. 257: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Honey: slowing down and focusing in work sounds a lot like leaning back and high degree of difficulty. Just the right weather conditions for producing a yummy, charismatic man. Yum!

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 9:25am

  258. 258: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    KS: how’s the day going so far?

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 9:25am

  259. 259: HoneyNo Gravatar says:

    LG –

    What do you mean? I’m not following what you’re saying?

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 9:28am

  260. 260: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    TG: don’t listen to them! You are wonderful just the way you are right now. And the little things you do that aren’t serving you anymore, they’ll just melt away easily and effortlessly!

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 9:28am

  261. 261: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Honey: I’m saying maybe slowing down with CD-ing will have the effect of giving you that leaning back vibe…which is a good thing!

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 9:29am

  262. 262: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Honey: I forgot that part of the story!!! What happens? She runs for her life? Eeks!

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 9:31am

  263. 263: HoneyNo Gravatar says:

    LG –

    If I lean back any more, I’ll fall out of my chair! Just juggling too many guys! I just have to hide my profile until I sort through these guys, and that takes time.

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 9:34am

  264. 264: LizzieNo Gravatar says:

    I am goldilocks with red hair – god I love sleeping around….in my next life I am going to be a sl*t

    chemistry – don’t think it can be invented. Either the vibe is there to begin with or nothing will turn into chemistry. LG has a great idea there – date lots of guys. I like that because it has built my confidence in this area. I can absolutely recognize the vibe – I know it is absolutely possible and it feels so wonderful that leaning back and enjoying the date is natural – I don’t have to think about or become aware of what I am doing, how am I relating, what are the feelings in my body etc. etc. So, no vibe, no date.

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 9:40am

  265. 265: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Ladies: I have a question. Does anyone have any idea why I would be spotting? I’ve been pretty much spotting all month. Just a little dark blood here and there when I pee. I keep thinking it will pass but it’s actually getting heavier.

    Please tho’, no worst case scenarios. I don’t feel equipped to hear that right now. I’m in quite good health. No pain…just this extra blood.

    Any ideas or suggestions? I’m really into natural health type things. Thank you!

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 9:41am

  266. 266: HoneyNo Gravatar says:

    LG –

    How old are you?

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 9:49am

  267. 267: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    did u take a preggo test? r u on bc?

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 9:50am

  268. 268: DebbieNo Gravatar says:

    I feel so good when I am with a man who can make me laugh.

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 9:51am

  269. 269: LizzieNo Gravatar says:

    LG – can’t help, I don’t have that body part any more – I am so thankful. But I had that freqently when I was on the pill for years and years. It was nothing. If you are doing your annual check-the-bits and squeeze the ovaries thing – there may be nothing to be alarmed with. If you have not done your annual – my suggestion is to trot yourself off to get the bits checked. If you are my age – 50+ you just might be beginning “the change” – welcome to hot-flash-no-bed-is-big-enough-for-me new life. It is enriching.

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 9:52am

  270. 270: HoneyNo Gravatar says:

    Lizzie –

    I’m kinda liking Dancing Guy and I didn’t really feel much chemistry at first. But he’s sweet and he’s fun cuz he loves music and dance. I’m giving the chemistry a chance to grow.

    The guy I met yesterday…can’t tell yet…it was a quick coffee date. might be potential there.

    The first second I met Hunky Man, he said, “Wow. The chemistry is amazing!” And it was! I want to feel that again. BUT, chemistry can sometimes be deceptive.

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 9:54am

  271. 271: Rori RayeNo Gravatar says:

    Hi, Tessa – it usually happens quickly for him – that’s why you don’t want to become exclusive with a man and cut down your options while he “makes up his mind.” Love, Rori

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 9:56am

  272. 272: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Honey: 38

    Dorothea: oh lordy!!! Not on bc. Haven’t taken a test.

    Lizzie: I’m really hoping it just nothing. I would like it to stop though. It kinda inconvenient and disconcerting.

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 9:57am

  273. 273: SweetpeaNo Gravatar says:

    LG – lol! Sometimes it’s so hard for me to behave. The mishievousness takes over and I. Just. Can’t. Control myself. I really am feeling weird about this though. It feels strange not to hear from him and I feel sad. And…I’m worried about me and just trying to sit here with these feelings and accept them.

    Tinque – sorry to hear about your pets. I remember my first little pup I fell completely in love with and only had for 2 months before parvo got her. It was such a hard time. Not long after my mom passed & I was convinced that my loving her so much had cursed her to death. Wow! This is bringing up a lot of feelings. I still have her dog tag that I ordered for her & got the week after she passed away. I finally convinced myself that giving my love to a dog was not a curse to the. & got the cutest little Rottweiler pup. She was my pride & joy. She lived a wonderful 10 years with me and I had to put her down last year. I can’t imagine having so many of my loves passing in such short period of time. My heart goes out to you! (((Hugs))) I wish for you comfort and no more difficult decision making at this time.

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 9:57am

  274. 274: HoneyNo Gravatar says:

    LG –

    Are you the age where you are in perimenopause? If so, it could be caused by hormone fluctuation. Or, if you are sexually active, by irritation from thinning of the uterus. Any chance you are PG?

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 9:57am

  275. 275: HoneyNo Gravatar says:

    LG –

    Could be peri-menopause. Might warrant a call to the OB/GYN.

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 10:00am

  276. 276: tinqueNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you Sweetpea –

    I so appreciate all the hugs and love from everyone.

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 10:02am

  277. 277: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    This happened a few years ago and a naturopath told me I was low on Vitamin K. He said Vitamin K has to do with blood clotting.

    So I followed his rec and drank a big glass of cabbage juice, which is supposedly really high in K. After that one glass the spotting stopped immediately.

    So, this time. I don’t have a juicer available so I bought some K pills but they’re not really helping. Maybe I should just figure out a way to juice some cabbage. Surely someone I know has a juicer….or I could buy one.

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 10:02am

  278. 278: HoneyNo Gravatar says:

    Do guys mean it when they say you’re beautiful? Or is this just a line guys use?

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 10:03am

  279. 279: HoneyNo Gravatar says:

    LG –

    It could have a different cause this time. Better safe than sorry.

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 10:06am

  280. 280: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @143 Turtle Girl

    I appreciated very much your post. It was not too long, never too long. I soaked up every word. I likewise, wrote out a long reply and I have lost it…I knew I should have typed it offline; I often do.

    I will talk later after I catch up on posts. Maybe better I not bother you with questions; the Universe is wise…

    I did write that perhaps a short vacation could be a restorative for you. I admire your spirit. I’ll write next post offline until I post.


    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 10:07am

  281. 281: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    take a preggo test. they’re at the dollar tree for 1 buck. spotting is otherwise normal. not usually an indication of a major health problem. You could also have some residual “spotting” from a menstruation that didn’t move as much as it should have. Drinking crap tons of water or any diuretic (which potassium is) will help with this, though the best thing to do in my opinion is do vigorous exercise like running or jumping jacks to shake that stuff out, haha.

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 10:07am

  282. 282: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Honey: thanks for your input!

    I’m really not ready for peri-m. I’m 38 and don’t have kids. I always envisioned myself having them in my early 40’s. My mom was still ovulating at 53, so I’ve also thought I have a while. I really hope I do.

    Could be some kind of hormonal imbalance. I haven’t been taking care of myself as much as I normally do.

    Could be from irritation of the uterus. I have been having a good amount of sex.

    Could be prego. I’m not on BC. I’m pretty aware of my cycle and when I am ovulating. And If I did get pregnant right now, it would okay. Not ideal. But…I’m open to it.

    Thanks so much everyone. I’ve been kinda blocking this out, thinking it will pass. But now I’m feeling like I need to give it some attention.

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 10:11am

  283. 283: LizzieNo Gravatar says:

    Honey – NO! if a man says any of these things, it is a HUGE deal for them:

    – you are beautiful
    – you are smart
    – you are wonderful
    – you are sexy
    – I love your style

    to them, it is a FACT. The next thing is, you must look them straight in the eye and just say: wow – thank you.

    It is really really important not to discount what they said. It is seen as an insult to them if you discount. A man taught me this YEARS ago.

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 10:12am

  284. 284: tinqueNo Gravatar says:

    Okay this is a new one on me. I’m being hit on on FB by someone I don’t know, in French no less which I do speak, but who is not a FB friend.
    How is this possible?

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 10:14am

  285. 285: HoneyNo Gravatar says:

    LG –

    Peri-meno can start as young as age 35…but even if you are, you could still be pregnant. If you are having sex with no BC, then I would think pregnancy is a strong possibility!

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 10:15am

  286. 286: tinqueNo Gravatar says:

    Laughing Goddess – You ought to have yourself checked out. Probably nothing but better to know.

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 10:15am

  287. 287: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Dorothea: okay, I’m going to try all that! The blood is kinda dark. I was reading online and it said that dark blood usually is menses that for whatever reason doesn’t completely leave the canal. I could definitely drink more water.

    I’m feeling better bouncing ideas of y’all. I’m going to try some of these easy fixes and if that doesn’t help, I’ll look in to more serious things. Thank you all so much!

    I want my lady parts to be happy and healthy!

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 10:18am

  288. 288: HoneyNo Gravatar says:

    Lizzie –

    I do say thank you. I used to discount compliments in high school until a friend called me on it.

    My coffee date kept complimenting me, then he said “I’m sorry I keep complimenting you.” I just smiled and said, “That’s OK, I forgive you even though NO woman EVER wants to be told how beautiful she is.”

    I’m sometimes self-conscious because I need to lose about 10 or 15 pounds, but I still feel sexy. Hell, I AM sexy. At 48 I’m sexier than I’ve ever been.

    The older I get, the sexier I am! Say it again…Oh yeah!

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 10:19am

  289. 289: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    Wow LG, 38? I thought you were about 28 or so. You feel so youthful to me…I feel like you could be my twin sister sometimes. Does this mean I’M actually old at heart? Or that you’re young at heart? hehe

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 10:20am

  290. 290: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    I’m off for a bit. Gonna take care of lady parts and other things. Good day everyone!

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 10:21am

  291. 291: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Dorothea: most people think I am way younger than I actually am. :-)

    you’re not old…but quite mature for your age…that’s a good thing!

    I kinda think of myself as being perpetually 28. :-)

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 10:26am

  292. 292: LizzieNo Gravatar says:

    Honey – we are so sexy hot! I am 53 !! 2 of the guys I had the vibe with, couldn’t stop saying how awesome my little ass is! OMG I thought that to be hillarious – my bum is small and tight because I am a runner – well actually it is genetics. But the funny thing is, all my life, I have never thought I have a nice bum because it doesn’t have the hour-glass shape! I do have lovely legs though and they do end at my bum – and I do model garter belts in the lingerie fashion show I organize….

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 10:26am

  293. 293: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    I consider myself perpetually 15

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 10:27am

  294. 294: DeniseNo Gravatar says:

    Honey – guys mean it when they say it- any statement about looks, dress or smarts; then the questions pondered outloud ie.:

    *how could they be so lucky to find you?
    *what did I do to deserve you?
    *how many men will be staring at you when we walk in the room?

    They mean if they know you. When someone is new like coffee date, I would take that with a grain of salt. Online dating is all about flirting- when they give me all these compliments when they have not yet meet me, I discount it completely. I am told by these wannabe lovers U R SO Gorgeous all the time. Barf ick yuck.

    My Perfect Man tells me the sweetest compliments. “I can’t believe how beautiful you are”,
    “You look amazing”. One of my favs: “You look so young!”, yeah, it is sweet.

    He is not being sweet thus far today, he who has been bawking like a chicken.

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 10:30am

  295. 295: LizzieNo Gravatar says:

    Denise –
    Oh dragon slayer, in the cave…there is a damsel in distress needing saving….you must come out and find her…

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 10:34am

  296. 296: LizzieNo Gravatar says:

    yeah yeah – my family guy described himself once as the headless chicken
    I said that was a pretty ugly image and I much perferred the dragon slayer
    He is most delighted to be a dragon slayer.

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 10:35am

  297. 297: HoneyNo Gravatar says:

    I have a fat bootie, and big boobs. Used to have the hourglass figure but my mid section has widened a little. Need to get back to the gym. Still kinda hourglassy though.

    I wish I could play on Siren Island all day but I need to stay off of here…I’m so far behind at my job b/c of all the dam*ed CDing!

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 10:42am

  298. 298: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    LI told me about this conversation he had with a female friend the other day.

    They were sitting talking and this pretty young woman walked by. LI watched her walk by and his friend said, “you were just looking at her ass!”

    and LI said, “I was actually just thinking how lucky I am to have LG. She 38 and looks just as good as that young thing. She’s proven the test of time. Anyone can look good when they are young. I’m not all that impressed by that. I’m more impressed by a woman who can age beautifully like my lady.”

    it felt so good to hear him tell me that story. Awww, I feel melting remembering it.

    He’s five years younger than me and I used to feel a little insecure about that. But not anymore.

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 10:53am

  299. 299: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Me too! Must get some work done!!!!

    I’ll be back to play later. :-)

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 10:55am

  300. 300: Simply ShannonNo Gravatar says:

    LG, that is so weird that you are posting about spotting. I’m 37 and been having normal cycles but with some odd spotting here and there. Mine is not dark though. No BC for me and no way I’m pregnant. Unless of course it’s a virgin birth thing, without the “virgin” part. LOL! It’s time for my annual ob/gyn trip. Grumble, grumble. I never look forward to that.

    And I’m perpetually 29. I really don’t see myself as someone in my 30s, upper 30s at that. Whenever someone says “yes ma’am”, I feel surprised, like you seriously think I’m old? Even in pics sometimes I feel surprised by the wrinkles I see. They aren’t visible in my brain when I think of myself. 😉

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 10:58am

  301. 301: Turtle GirlNo Gravatar says:

    My recent cd man who went away is ten years younger than me and they thought I was fantastic and beautiful and had it going on way more than the younger girls. AGe is a number. We can be fabbo at any age. It’s attitude baby. It’s the energy we have inside us, not our wrinkles. He still thinks I am hot. Even though he can’t handle me cd’ing cause thats a different issue. But yes, men often have way highger opinions about us than we do ourselves.

    There is a lesson in that. Your LI sounds wonderful.

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 11:04am

  302. 302: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Jori – that’s an awesome riff.. I am so glad Toxic Men is helping you!

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 11:22am

  303. 303: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    RE: #206 – I love, love, love that beautiful encouragement about being an unfinished masterpiece!

    Specially cuz I feel like such a piece of work these days! Thanks! I made it pretty and printed it out to hang!

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 11:33am

  304. 304: PassionatelyPiscesNo Gravatar says:

    Oh my gosh! I’m SO excited to be here. I just wanted to check in–but I’ll respond later tonite. I have my three year old granddaughter for the day, so..

    Also, I’m typing on my Blackberry, which is way too tiny (and tedious!)

    This place/blog is such a blessing. The more we become our authentic selves, the more things fall into place for us. I’m really in awe of the synchronicity taking place in my life right now!

    Peace to all…

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 11:36am

  305. 305: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    RE: #280 – I sometimes bleed heavily or on off times when I am under heavy stress. Have you been under stress? My doctor says that produces extra estrogen. Once I bled three months straight. And gynecologically, there is nothing wrong with me at all. The doc even said my reproductive system is exceptionally healthy for my age.

    Or did you get bumped or do extra heavy lifting? That could cause it too.

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 11:38am

  306. 306: PassionatelyPiscesNo Gravatar says:

    Wondering why it says my second post is going to moderation….?

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 11:39am

  307. 307: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    RE: #242 – Thank you! What sweet encouragement! Thanks everyone else, too, who was so kind about my leaning forward with Ryan last night.

    BTW, I followed up with one text for my own regaining of face: “P.S. I probably should have told you I was feeling extra fragile and sensitive. I got a call today about my student loans. They threatened to garnish my wages.”

    I felt okay about that, mainly so he would know I was not all fragile because of him (even tho I am to a large degree) but because something scary happened.

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 11:42am

  308. 308: HadassahNo Gravatar says:

    #235-Tessa-I know I’m young, but with a toddler at home, I have no life. Really, I don’t. I wake up, go to work, come home, have mommy/daughter time, and then try to give myself some me time and then am in bed. My fam just moved here so I have a support structure for the first time since I became a mom so I am still adjusting to the fact that I can go get my hair done when I want versus squeezing it into my lunch break!

    Now I am thinking about taking classes to either work on my master’s degree or set my career on a different path, or maybe even just because if I could come up with the money. I always enjoyed school.

    I just don’t see how I can meet other men to date. I know obviously that there are men everywhere, and part of me feels like the fact that I am an only parent is an issue for a lot of men because they aren’t ready for an instant family. Which is understandable but makes me sad at the same time.

    And I’ve always been more attracted to older men (current bf is 10 years older with no kids of his own), but there are plenty of them who don’t want kids period so I feel just bummed about dating in general right now.

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 11:44am

  309. 309: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    RE: #241 – What you wrote was so sad, yet beautifully poetic.

    I feel sad that you are allowing that man to sap your limited resources. I don’t like to see another Siren taking crumbs.

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 11:49am

  310. 310: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    SS: my spotting has been going on for a couple of months now. When it first started it was just a little bit right at mid-cycle. I looked it up online and found out it could be ovulation spotting or implantation spotting. I had my period later at the right time, so I figured it was maybe ovulation spotting or menses that didn’t all come out. This happened at mid-cycle for a few months in a row.

    Then this month it started again but never stopped. The other months it just lasted for a day or two and this time it’s been going on for a few weeks. I should be starting my period soon…need to check the calendar.

    Just thinking outloud here.

    Weird that you have something somewhat similar happening. I wonder what’s going on?!?!?

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 11:51am

  311. 311: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    I wonder if there are single parent support groups in your area. Or a social services organization that can offer babysitting at no charge. Or even exchanging babysitting with a friend or two, so you can have more alone time. That’s tuff.

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 11:53am

  312. 312: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Brenda: It could be stress, kind of a self-imposed stress from not taking care of my physical needs. Thanks for pointing that out.

    I also had this weird though that maybe it could be from the drumming. Maybe the vibration of the drum is causing some sort of physical shaking up in there. I dunno. Kind of like getting bumped like you suggested.


    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 11:54am

  313. 313: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    RE: #239 – “Great typing abilities. I need a secretary, are they ready to work?”

    Yes, the kittens are for hire! They only charge kitty food and kitty litter! They help me with my documents at the pharmaceutical company, too! I enjoy the music of the repeating keyboard buttons…it makes a nice beat as it destroys the keyboard!

    How will I ever part with my kitties? They are so naughty as they tear up my house! They are great at clearing tables…umm, as long as I don’t mind being great at picking up the floor under the tables! They knock down art work, dirty my shower floor with their damp little paddies, and get fur and dirt all over my basket of clean clothes! I’m in love!

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 11:57am

  314. 314: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    You are a drummer? I have been stressed out lately and just had a 9 day period, whereas they are usually 7 days. Have you had cramping with it? Any pain? Can you differentiate if the blood is in your urine or in your love canal? I most often have cramping and that yucky period feeling when I get it because of stress.

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 11:59am

  315. 315: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    TG: About that guy and him not being open to you cd-ing…what is your ultimate outcome for a relationship right now? Are you wanting someone to propose, looking for a long-term committed lover? What’s the ultimate goal?

    Just curious :-)

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 12:01pm

  316. 316: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    SS: I know what you mean, I don’t relate to my age at all. I envision myself as a timeless goddess. Always beautiful. Like a fine wine I get better with age. :-)

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 12:03pm

  317. 317: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Brenda: no cramping and definitely come from my :-) love canal. So when your long period come from stress, you have cramping associated with it?

    I felt hopeful hearing that your doc said your parts were healthy and the bleeding wasn’t anything serious. That gives me hope.

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 12:07pm

  318. 318: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Just checked the calendar and I should start my real period today or tomorrow. We’ll see what happens.

    I’m realizing there’s a little part of me that would be thrilled if I was pregnant.

    It’s a little sooner than I’d like. LI and I talked about having a child in two years. But…a little part of me, teeny wild reckless not thinking ahead part of me would be thrilled if I was now.

    I feel embarrassed to admit that.

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 12:15pm

  319. 319: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    If you are pregnant, that is nothing to be embarrassed about!

    Most of the time I have cramps, but not always. Like this past week, I just kept bleeding and bleeding after it should have stopped. It didn’t even occur to me how under stress I was until I checked in with my feelings at the deepest level. So not always cramps, just when the stress is extra extreme.

    The sooner you get a pregnancy test and/or see your ob/gyn, the sooner you will have peace of mind.

    Either way, I think it is very probable that it is nothing serious. Oh, I just thot of this…when I was going thru my worry stage about bleeding out of sync, I did some internet research. Sometimes women get fibroids in the womb or some other irregularity that is not too out of the ordinary and is harmless. One doctor recommended a D&C to me. I opted not too, choosing to leave that as a last resort.

    The worst stress of my life was in 2007, when I bled for 3 months straight. It was ME who figured out why, after it happening off and on since 1999. The doctor found no medical reason. I already suspected stress since it always coincided with times of extreme stress. I asked him if it was possible because of stress, since he wouldn’t commit to saying that was why. He said yes, it’s possible. I have no doubt in my mind that is why for me.

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 12:29pm

  320. 320: janjuneNo Gravatar says:

    rori’s stuff happens so amazingly fast, it just, in the space of a mere moment in time, simply changes.

    i just had another vibe shift!! i realized i don’t want to be around people who want me to do something.

    i don’t mind doing things for someone, basically for someone who needs it, can’t do it for themselves.

    i just realized/came in contact with/ became conscious of, my feeling of not liking being sought after to “DO” something It makes me feel unseen.
    It makes me feels dirty, crumpled, useless.
    It makes me feel used.
    It makes me feel worthless.

    I am not worthless.
    or crumpled or used or any of that other.

    for instance,… well forget it,… it doesn’t matter,

    it felt like:
    my etheric backbone straightening out and up,
    my etheric lungs filling all the way with air–going into every crevice of my lungs
    it also felt like my knees becoming very flexible and springy
    and the calves of my legs and ankles strengthening
    and it felt like my feet becoming (etherically) connected to the ground like with s0mething of the nature of electrical or magnetics. but not really that, so i’m saying etherically…

    it also felt like: “i’m entitled to feel this”.
    just because…

    no reason necessary

    just because I am… :)

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 12:30pm

  321. 321: HoneyNo Gravatar says:

    LG –

    If your little visitor doesn’t come by tomorrow…you may be having a REAL little visitor in about 9 months.

    Why is it embarrassing to want a child. If you’re not using birth control, then you must kinda want to get pregnant.

    I love babies!

    I loved being pregnant!

    I wish I could have that time of my life back again…I would do it all so differently. And I would have gotten my kids diagnosed with autism earlier, and early intervention, yada, yada…

    You can’t go back…no use thinking about it.

    Anyway, there’s nothing like carrying a new life and bringing it into the world!

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 12:32pm

  322. 322: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    LG it’s ok to feel embarrassed but i have the same thoughts, even though i have BIG career plans, i also just want to be at home raising babies.

    get a preggo test:P take it in the morning first thing and then no more worrying or wondering about that part.

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 12:32pm

  323. 323: JoriNo Gravatar says:

    Lizzie – Just curious, do you get a lot of people asking you how old you are?

    I get it all the time I think because I look 20 years younger than I am, but I feel like there is an agenda behind it (judgment, whatever).

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 12:37pm

  324. 324: Simply ShannonNo Gravatar says:

    LG, again weird because I’ve been spotting like this for a few months too. That is bizarre. And I’ve had several times where I secretly hoped I was preggars. For me it was due to dark thoughts about being able to throw a man in the cage if I was having his baby. I’ve been able to release those demons and guess what… now I don’t want another baby (already have two kiddos). Funny how that worked out.

    But pregnancy is awesome. Children are awesome. Being a mother – awesome and frustrating all at the same time. Haha!

    I feel excited and hopeful. I love being able to celebrate other people’s pregnancies. 😉

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 12:39pm

  325. 325: Katarina PhangNo Gravatar says:

    Turtle girl:

    “he said things to me that hurt. He said that by me wanting to still date others that I was “losing myself” and that I must want a man with a bigger dick and a bigger house and more money. it was horrible. I feel so crappy after his words. I think they say more about his fears than me. But it still hurt me. Wow. I never felt like that as all. I actually really cared for him but he dumped me because of the circular dating I wanted to do. Now I am grieving that. It totally sucks tonite. I feel very sad.”

    , if I can butt in…and this is by no means a slight to CD -which works in my and others’ cases-, I think we should be somewhat careful bringing up this idea to a man who actually does want to “move forward.”

    The message he got from you was that you’re the one who can’t/doesn’t want to commit. And that’s not what CD is all about. If I were you, I would have been sweetly responded to that with a thank-you and -if you’re interested- an acceptance to the offer.

    I know you eventually want the commitment thing -we all do- but guys have to go natural progression too. You can’t just expect him to commit without knowing you more. So go exclusive with him for a while, say 6 months or a year, then evaluate it again. If something’s still missing or the progression is getting stalled, then you can come up with this CD thing to him telling him how you feel about this exclusive but no commitment thing.

    Just my 0.02.

    If SG starts talking about getting exclusive with me, I will tell him my reservations -which he has already known partly, esp. about wanting a child of my own- but I will be happy/feel honored that he wants to move forward. He’s/we’re happy now with the “part-time marriage” thing…we still have a lot to learn about each other.

    So far it’s been wonderful…we haven’t had one argument or any drama yet. He’s really loving, doting and complimentary but I don’t know if that part of him will stay that way (my suspicion is it will) after we are more settled with each other. It’ll perhaps even out throughout the process displaying the real him in a LTR setting.

    I know considering how short the time since we first met is, what we have right now really shows a big “commitment” on his part. He says he doesn’t need much (he’s simple guy, like most guys) and he finds everything he needs in a woman in me, yet yesterday as we were having dinner and talking about going to my home country, he said “Tell your parents next year you’ll bring home a new man and we’re going to tell them about this part-time marriage thing we’re trying to revolutionize America with that we’re writing about.”

    Then he went on, “I know I will say never, but after my divorce I told myself that I would never live with anyone again, I would not marry again..but I’m actually now living with someone.”

    I said I didn’t blame him and I certainly wouldn’t try to convince him otherwise. With all these talks I know he’s going through something he has to figure out for himself.

    I know deep in my heart, he wants me for himself. He wants to marry me. But he’s not quite ready yet to believe that marriage might eventually work for him (my feeling tells me he’ll get there eventually if the stake is losing me). So CD will work for me and he knows I still have my dating profile on (he does too).

    In my situation, I’ll feel safe to tell him why not CDing isn’t working to my advantage, so I want to know what his plan is and after how long. We’ve been pretty open about this since the get-go.

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 12:44pm

  326. 326: AmberSNo Gravatar says:




    And now I get to understand how to keep this flame in myself burning, no matter what else is happening around me.

    I’ve been here before, and I come back here now so much more quickly and easily. It’s just when I’m ‘in it’ that I get so lost in the negative sh*t that I forget that the answer is INSIDE ME. The path back here is MY OWN LOVE FOR ME.

    I know that I should love me. I am diligent, I work hard.

    I work on trusting the universe. I work on loving me. I remember that I should be doing those things and I choose consciously to make them my focus.

    And suddenly, I’m not sure exactly how or what shifts, suddenly I JUST AM


    THIS is the state where I can function as my highest self.

    This is the state where I don’t need or desire anyone else’s reassurance.

    THIS is the state where I AM PURE LIFE AND LIGHT. Where I blaze the trail. Where I want to SHARE BECAUSE I FEEL SO WONDERFUL!

    This is the state I want to be in ALL OF THE TIME.

    This is the state of BEING SECURE.

    This is the state of PURE LOVE AND ASSURANCE that makes all doubt disappear.

    WOW. This feels AWESOME!

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 12:50pm

  327. 327: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @158 Brenda says:

    “SLV, I have tried for over a year to get bored with him and get wrapped up in my own life. So far it hasn’t happened. I just feel like I’m missing a part of my heart. ***Sigh***”

    Brenda you are an OK woman, don’t even worry about a phone call…what’s the worse that could happen? Do you think it will make any difference in results? It seems to me that it was neutral.

    My understanding of that Rori post is that we don’t “try” meaning put an effort toward doing/thinking about the guy i.e. “trying to get bored”…the doing/thinking is about US.

    My take is you are doing a whole lot of good things for yourself, CDing, taking care of your body, household, furbabies, going to POF events, earning an income, encouraging other sirens, and lots more. You are doing fine. Keep on keeping on.


    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 12:52pm

  328. 328: janjuneNo Gravatar says:

    ive been feeling like i don’t want to go out with the sunday night man.

    really enjoyed talking to him, we thought the same things were funny, got each other’s jokes and he seems like he sees the funny side of things in general which i love l;ove love, it was really so enjoyable and he stepped up when he could tell i wasn’t going to, every time.

    but still, in the beginning, he said instead of would you like to go out sunday night?
    he said what would you say if i asked you to go out sunday night?

    well, i felt pretty good about my answer, i said “I’d say that’s a request I would seriously consider.”

    but still, i think my sixth/seventh grade boyfriend asked me “what would you say if i wanted to kiss you or asked you to dance” or something… something like that echoes in my mind from grade/middle school…

    I feel “Don’t make me work for it man!”
    I won’t work for it. i don’t want to.


    i want a man who can stand up straight, look me in the proverbial eyes and say “would you like to go out sunday night” and be strong and brave enough to take the risk of rejection and feel like he was strong and brave enough to know asking a woman for a date is just a part of life and that he would be alright if i happened to say no.
    Saying what would you say… instead of would you like to go… feels too weak, too fragile, to protective, not manly, not brave, not adventuresome, needs a cover, can’t stand up straight, has to be coddled…

    i don’t want non-risk taker men.

    ohlala :) i’m liking thinking about the opposite type of man!!! haha! energy dropping into the pelvic region, feelin’ great about men who step up. mmmm mmmm yes to masculine energy men!!

    I’m declaring myself a ‘NO LITTLE BOY ZONE.”
    …unless they’re under 30. :)

    i don’t feel attracted to men who want a woman to make them safe and comfy and cuddled and tucked in with their blankie.

    i want a man who is going to look out for me! not the other way around!! (unless he’s sick, then i would)

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 12:57pm

  329. 329: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Ok, so ya, I’m definitely on my period today.

    I freaked out this morning because I thought it was the spotting getting heavier, but as the day progresses I’m realizing this is a good old fashioned period…right on time.

    I may take a pg test anyway because I just read that some women have what appears to be a period even when they are pregnant and something is definitely outta sorts down there.

    Usually I know when my period is coming because my breasts get kinda big and sore and I feel abnormally b*tchy. I didn’t really notice that this month so the flow kinda snuck up on me.

    Thanks again everyone for your support!

    This did reveal to me that deep down I do want a baby. I’d like to feel a little more settled in my relationship and financially…but if it does happen now it will be okay.


    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 1:17pm

  330. 330: jacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    @ Amber- HI!!! Love the little pix, and okay I HEAR you….

    and I second your awsomeness!!!!


    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 1:21pm

  331. 331: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @172: Brenda says:

    “I feel scared to even jobhunt now, because what if they garnish my wages?”

    It probably won’t happen but if it does, you won’t be the first one. The new job when you find it, probably has bunches of people getting payroll deductions, don’t even worry about it.

    You will survive. You will survive. You will survive and prosper.

    Buuuuuutttt, if you are nervous, you could postpone actual interviewing until you know for certain. You can still “work on” setting up a job campaign, doing all the paperwork and research so the time is not lost.

    Check out Kate Wendleton’s series, all the info overlaps in each book but the “Targeting the Job You Want” one is good, shows you how to set up a campaign so you are in control not only “making applications” and “sending out resumes.” It’s cool! I think you will like it. The web site is Five O’clock club dot com or maybe it’s “The Five O’clock club” dot com. Free articles, you can get books from library.

    Could you temporarily get a roommate/rent a room in your house or apartment? This could give you some extra cash for expenses?

    Brenda, you could be married by this time next year…you never know. Me too. I’m kind of giggling because i started thinking this way last night when I was reading Turtle Girl’s post. I am such a grey-haired child. I think the grey-haired part is going to change next week. 😆

    I’m feeling really positive about you…I’ll send you a few vibes…


    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 1:22pm

  332. 332: jacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    @ Sweetpea – I know what you mean and would like to talk more but time is short today – maybe you can email me or I’ll catch you later. There’s a line between “felon” and in jail that I’ve experienced….and it might be helpful to you??


    @ KS – hiya!! Hope you’re heading into a great weekend, darling girl with the beautiful voice.

    @ Lizzie – thank you and I’ve written you for more counseling if you feel like it – I have a judgement that having undefined tools allow for people to use them in any manner they want and then just claim the umbrella of riffing. I felt amused and grossed out for instance when someone wanted to squash my brains into someone elses. I also claim the right to advocate violence without being labeled or shunned, but that’s not how I really want to be and it only feels good for a couple of minutes. Then it hurts.

    So, you’r voice and your words are helping me big time.

    Even in not reacting! And staying soft –

    and most of all, selectively shifting!!

    Happy Friday!


    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 1:27pm

  333. 333: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    RE: #334 – Autism

    I worked with autistic children for 4 years. My chiropractor said it’s caused by mercury in vaccines. My biologist friend, Bill, at work, says it’s caused by an older father. He said they did a study on it in Japan.

    I feel curious if either of those was the case for you.

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 1:31pm

  334. 334: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Janjune and Amber…

    Welcome back!! Great to see you on Siren Island!


    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 1:34pm

  335. 335: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    Thank you for the wonderful encouragement and info! I already live in a finished basement apartment, so I have that expense as low as I know how!! I will check out the job info you gave me!


    Here are 2 tickets for you to go see your favorite music artist, and a big arrangement of purple orchids!!!!!!


    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 1:39pm

  336. 336: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    whoa i feel triggered – if you’re not using birth control, you must kinda want a child!


    maybe you feel really confortable and aware of your cycles and firtile time and a are a Wise Medicine Woman Goddess

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 1:45pm

  337. 337: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    maybe “I”

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 1:46pm

  338. 338: SweetpeaNo Gravatar says:


    What a beautiful name, by the way. Re: # 138. Your words have really struck a chord with me. Not triggered, mind you, but they resonate with me. I was just thinking this morning, that if we’re supposed to be doing what feels good, and CDing doesn’t feel good, and it’s so heart-breaking to me hearing about you Sirens loosing guys you care about over the CD issue, but knowing in my heart that CDing is the way to go…why does it feels do bad? Why, if we have a man who’s stepping up, do we chase him off by telling him we’re going to continue seeing other men? Oh, it feels so bad to me. What you say, makes sense and feels good to me.

    CDing makes perfect sense to me and it does feel good to not be all hung up on one man – to keep my options open. But it feels so sneaky, and like lying going out with another man when I know I’ve got one stepping up. It doesn’t feel authentic, genuine, or like me. So…I guess I’m wanting to experiment more along the lines you’re talking about. If it’s been a reasonable amount of time, and stepping up guy still isn’t showing signs of stepping up to the plate, that seems like the time to CD. Or else I need to figure out a different way to let him know WHY I’m CDing. Because I think men do need some time to commit. And if I know he’s reserving his time for me and not seeing anyone else, but it’s only been a little while, not long ebough for commitment, and I’m enjoying his company and he’s treating me right…is that really the time to punish him by dating other guys.

    Gosh, it’s just such a tough topic. I feel so sad for all of you ladies who are losing good men because they can’t handle your CDing. I feel very hesitant about CDing until there’s something missing with the guy I’m dating.

    But then I wonder, is it really just that I need to stay out there until I have MORE fabulous guys who are treating me right to CD with? Because the guys that leave me feeling kind of “ick” are not the ones I want to lose a great guy over CDing to.

    Hmm… I am in no way knocking CDing, I just wonder if the time & place for it isn’t when the guy ISN’T stepping up. When he’s either stopped, or just never started…but the girlfriend trap, is a trap. I get that too.

    I’m feeling so conflicted.

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 1:46pm

  339. 339: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Judgement: “You are fake” => I feel mistrustful, angry, defensive, afraid

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 2:00pm

  340. 340: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    But then I wonder, is it really just that I need to stay out there until I have MORE fabulous guys who are treating me right to CD with?

    YES!!! we want to keep dating until a guy actually CLAIMS US FOR WHAT WE WANT!!

    not just sort of

    a guy WILL CLAIM US!!

    a guy who really understands us, cares about US, and makign US happy, will respect that we don’t want to commit until he claims us

    Until he can give us WHAT WE WANT… a forever commitment, feeling safe and happy


    a guy who loves me will WANT me to be happy, will (maybe not like it for himself) but respect me for not “giving it up easy” by committing to a man who



    I only want my forever after man, not my for now man

    my for now man could be one of many for now men

    I am so feeling Rori on this… learning to get my needs met by MANY men, so I don’t have to rely on just one, who hasn’t made that Full commitment to me….

    because to a woman exclusivity IS a full commtiment…

    but to a man it may just be for now

    I just can’t imagine being exclusive with a guy and not thinking about marrying him and having forever with him …

    thats just what I woudl be being exclusive FOR

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 2:05pm

  341. 341: SweetpeaNo Gravatar says:

    Hey Daria,

    It’s really hard to keep up on here anymore, so much going on! Just wanted to make sure you know how much I appreciated what you shared on riffing. Awesome stuff! Thanks!

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 2:06pm

  342. 342: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Jaqueline: wow! I really want to interact with you but I feel scared. I feel scared of being judged. I feel scared of getting into a big debate. I feel scared of not being heard.

    I guess that’s my stuff. Why do I feel scared of those things? Maybe that’s what I should look at.

    I feel scared of being judged because….well, because it sucks. It doesn’t feel good. It feels awful.

    Maybe the healthy thing would be to just let it go and say “oh, that’s just so and so’s opinion. It doesn’t really matter. Sometimes people like me, sometimes they don’t. I know I’m doing my best and that’s all that counts.

    I feel scared of not being heard….why is that scary? Because I have something to say and it would feel really good if it was heard. My heart has a song. But maybe I just need to focus on hearing me. I hear you heart. I hear you and you are lovely.

    I feel scared of getting in to a debate… why is that scary? Because I feel drained afterwards. I want to put that energy into doing good things for myself.

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 2:08pm

  343. 343: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    I think committing to a man before he is making forever plans with me

    is about my insecurity and not wanting to be alone, or “lose” him

    I got my eye on my forever after and my insecurity is not going to pull me in the pits

    If he wants me, He CAN Propose


    it doesn’t take that long,

    Rori says 3 – 9 months of dating is common

    but he will know right away if im his forever… and the rest is just getting to know each other and seeing if he continues feeling that way

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 2:09pm

  344. 344: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks Sweetpea!

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 2:09pm

  345. 345: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Jaqueline: wow! I really want to interact with you but I feel scared. I feel scared of being judged. I feel scared of getting into a big debate. I feel scared of not being heard.

    I guess that’s my stuff. Why do I feel scared of those things? Maybe that’s what I should look at.

    I feel scared of being judged because….well, because it sucks. It doesn’t feel good. It feels awful.

    Maybe the healthy thing would be to just let it go and say “oh, that’s just so and so’s opinion. It doesn’t really matter. Sometimes people like me, sometimes they don’t. I know I’m doing my best and that’s all that counts.

    I feel scared of not being heard….why is that scary? Because I have something to say and it would feel really good if it was heard. My heart has a song. But maybe I just need to focus on hearing me. I hear you heart. I hear you and you are lovely.

    I feel scared of getting in to a debate… why is that scary? Because I feel drained afterwards. I want to put that energy into doing good things for myself or at least having a fun, uplifting convo.

    Ok, so this is all about me. I hear myself, I’m not going to judge myself or take others judgements seriously, and I’m going to choose how I spen my time.

    I feel more secure now.

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 2:10pm

  346. 346: tinqueNo Gravatar says:

    “I think committing to a man before he is making forever plans with me

    is about my insecurity and not wanting to be alone, or “lose” him”

    Yes this is so true, but it also doesn’t mean he won’t commit. I don’t completely agree that a man knows within nine months. Men tend to take a long time, especially the older they are.
    Actually I want to rephrase this. They do know, BUT they can hesitate and want to be REALLY sure before fully committing, especially the older they are.
    They’ve been hurt too, lied to cheated on, and it takes time to see how this person’s full character and personality unfolds.

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 2:14pm

  347. 347: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Hmmmm, for me I’m not really looking for a forever commitment from a man because I don’t feel able to give that to a man now or possibly ever.

    I really don’t think it’s possible for me to commit to forever. I want to have the freedom to change my mind. I know my tastes change and sometimes I want different things at different times in my life.

    I feel perfectly content with a right now man. If he is stepping up, treating me well, and I feel good being around him, and I get the sense that he is into this relationship and is moving it forward, someone I could see being the father of my children, someone who’s making the steps to build a life together and I get the sense that he will follow thru…

    That’s good enough for me and it’s all I can really offer back.

    Daria, I’m not saying what you want is wrong, I’m just exploring what it means for me. I am sooo excited and knowing you will get whatever you want.

    Forever, forever, forever…what does that mean to me?

    Ya, I can’t commit to forever. I won’t commit to forever. I will only commit to what feels good Right Now.

    And I think that actually gives me power in my relationship because he knows if he wants to keep me, he has to continually step up. He has to treat me good right now because that’s what I’m basing my choice to be with him on.

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 2:28pm

  348. 348: ReneeNo Gravatar says:

    Rose — Thank you for asking about me. I’ve been off in work land and also feeling very sad.

    Blondie broke up with me (again) the other night…it was weird, really — he said he had reached the conclusion a month ago that I was going to meet someone who was better for me than he was — someone who made more money and didn’t have a crazy travel schedule like he does. He also said there are things about him I didn’t know and that if I did I wouldn’t want him anymore. But the conversation was still somewhat open-ended, so when I got his txt the next day about his feeling guilty for the way he’d been treating me, I let him have it. I feel I’ve been too darn understanding of all his flake outs! I mean — one of the primary attractions to him in the first place was that I thought he was emotionally (and financially) stable, and he turns out to be back and forth and back and forth and this is total b.s!

    So I wrote him that he should feel guilty for the way he’d been treating me and that he’s jerked me around like Raggedy Ann the past few weeks and then topped it off by calling me a gold-digger! I said if that’s what you really think of me, you never really knew me at all.

    He, of course, denied that’s what he meant and then said the good thing was that I wouldn’t have to deal with him ever again, (and then wished blessings on me and my family), but that only made me more sad because he was making it so final, but I just decided to do the walk-away.

    Surprisingly, he txted me today telling me he hoped I was having a great day and I haven’t answered this one either. I figure if he’s already contacting me again, perhaps it’s a sign that he’s having 2nd thoughts? I don’t know, but I do know that after all the jerking around he’s done, he would have to work to get me back at this point. As Bob Grant says, “I am expensive” and one thing I definitely won’t be doing if he does continue to contact me is having sex with him again anytime soon!

    Our sex was great and all, but we only had about one good week after we started sleeping together before his first “freak out” and I’m starting to think that the sleeping together part of the relationship just leaves him feeling like he’s “conquered me” already and I don’t like him having that feeling.

    Anyway — those are my latest thoughts…I have a date with a pilot Monday, but he doesn’t seem to have much sense of humor, so I don’t know how that’s going to go…maybe he’ll lighten up some in person — let’s hope so!! But what I really want is for Blondie to step back up like he did in the beginning and vie for my attention — that would feel so good!!

    But I’m going to be ok either way — if I found one person to date who treated me like gold when we were together, I can find another one who will too — Blondie may have just had a message to deliver. I don’t feel sure of myself when I say I’ll be fine without him, but I know I must.

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 2:35pm

  349. 349: jacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    @ Laughing Goddess – thank you! I’ve been told I’m an -literal – angel a lot of times in healing work, etc. That’s my heart. I don’t want to debate, either.

    I have a new thought around this – and I’m going to write it out – It’s what do you advocate? And/or What Claims YOU? Like that show Nikita (which I’ve seen every interpretatin of, even the french voiced one) – she’s so alpha and so admirable, etc. BUT if you look at what “claims” her – it’s reactionary, meeting violence with violence and coldly rage driven (that’s NOT a description of anyone on here) I guess this is my version of riffing. So, she’s the “good” rager…getting even. And she’s become kind of a template for a LOT of vampire romance novels. Which is where I disagreed with Athol that romance novels are women wanting to be protected. It’s not your mom’s romances anymore! heee…

    alpha and omega, etc. So, this is growth for me and I thank you for your words and your concern and love you for your self expression and feel badly that trees crowd out the light for you – I hate winter!! and I love trees, but I don’t want them blocking my view or my light…and see, I have feelings all about your trees. It’s making me smile – I am always feeling everything. It feels good to laugh about that – I feel about your trees. So, maybe it’s not in my voice, but it’s in me. Thanking my feelings!!! that I can be moved by trees and express it here – very cool.

    I guess this is my processing and maybe it’s my negative voices. It’s how I think in my head – in exposition and questions.

    I have a lot of learning to do and appreciate that about me.

    Bye to everyone for now – take care all,

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 2:38pm

  350. 350: jacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    Ooooh, Renee! I cannot tell you how many times you’ve crossed my mind – and I really feel this guy is toxic. Sorry sorry sorry!!


    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 2:39pm

  351. 351: SweetpeaNo Gravatar says:

    Hmmm… Tinque, I never really thought of the age factor, that may play into my feelings of misgiving about CDing when a guy is stepping up.

    Daria – I think you have a valid point as well, you young, beautiful goddess. I see the validity of CDing, I’m just wondering if a little experimentation isn’t in order.

    I’ve been totally CDing with random guys I’ve met – real live, breathing men, but not setting up dates, just totally practicing my goddessy tools on the…how does Rori say it – I can never remember the first guy, but I remember the baker, the candlestick maker…and a guy even bought me roses, when I was out the other night. I don’t feel guilty about that, at all. What I do feel guilty about is setting up dates when I have a man who calls me every night & wants to spend time with me. It feels uncomfortable.

    Even CDing the random guys starts feeling uncomfortable. I’ve decided I need to get more into my feelings with them and tell them when I’m feeling uncomfortable. I know they want a “piece of my pie” as Rori puts it, and I feel comfortable being goddessy and melting with them, up to the point where they start acting like it’s more than friendly, gooey, femininity. It’s a trigger for me to feel like I’m leading them on and something for me to work on. I just find that I feel more comfortable not making dates, but CDing in the moment.

    But…if hunky tech guy were to lose the gf & ask me out again, well… I would definitely set dates with him & then I could see which of the equally yummy guys would step up first and claim me for his own. But I wouldn’t want to discourage hunky tree trimmer over a guy like last night, who is so emotionally damaged as to leave me feeling drained and sad. No. If he’s going to have competition, I say, let’s find him some real competition!

    That’s basically where I’m at with it. Now…the guy who’s 10 years younger than me, owns his own business & is emotionally stable…him I might risk a little discouragement for. He has my #. :)

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 2:41pm

  352. 352: LolaNo Gravatar says:

    I agree with Jacqueline, this does in deed feel toxic and familiar – my ex would finish with me adamantly one day and call me up the next and say “so what we doing?”
    I hope you can keep on walking..I did eventually…keep going!!!!
    ((((go girl))))


    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 2:48pm

  353. 353: life_is_too_short_to...No Gravatar says:

    I feel my heart opening more and more towards other men besides HS LD, and they are responding..my CD card is actually filling up!!! went out last night, going out in a little while here

    I am going to go out more like to the library and the bookstore and events and meetup.org meetings, because not only will i have fun, but i will have a different “vibe” and be more attractive

    I feel so sh*tty and drained and judgmental towards HS LD man..we had the convo where he said he wanted to come here to see me…said “I want you” i said i didn’t feel comfortable with that….i did end up suggesting meeting for a day somewhere in the middle, told him i did not feel comfortable having sex outside of an exclusive relationship

    next day he calls and I get the “I don’t know what I want” talk…no offer of a solution or compromise to get together….and some other assorted put down kind of talk from him…i excused myself from the phone call when i said i just feel sh*tty and he wanted to dismiss my feelings. I said, i got to go…and we hung up.

    so there you have it, now I know. I’m a big girl, i can take it. i feel sh*tty and deceived, because he tries to use words to make me feel like i am The One, but they don’t have any substance, and also because him not making plans to want to see me whether or not we have sex.

    It’s not like I really expect him to be ready for a mature relationship anytime soon anyway. He is just not. Very narcissistic. He might be in the future, but i’m not so sure a tiger like this ever changes its stripes.

    curiously, i feel very free, very free, to let go, to not hold out hope for this relationship, yet not to have to have closure either.

    I am so glad he said to me that i need him for the passion in my life, because it made me stand up, indignant, get angry and yell OH no you’re not!! and really mean it!! I do not need him to be passionate about anything, I AM passionate….and I am so disappointed that he doesn’t already see that.

    Anyway, love to all of you …i’ve been reading but spending time on other things besides writing…

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 2:48pm

  354. 354: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Sweetpea: I’d like to share my perspective on CD-ing. Really this is just my perspective. It’s not meant to be an official recap of how Rori says to do it…so please take it with a grain of salt.

    For me, cd-ing is for us. The guys don’t really need to know about it. It’s for us so that we don’t get attached too early, so we’re not sitting home pining about them.

    Sometimes I see it being used as a sort of threat towards the guy. Like, hey I’m gonna date other guys until you step up. For me, that puts some weird energy into the mix. It makes it more about them rather than about doing what’s bet for us.

    This is kinda subtle and I don’t know if I explained it very well. I hope I did.

    How it works in my relationship is…

    I don’t actively go on dates with other men. But I do actively CD the world and especially myself. I cultivate friendships with other men, especially men I feel connected with. I practice my siren skills on them. If I start to feel concerned about my current relationship, I remind myself that I can start dating whenever I want and I already have a pool of men who see me as a siren. I also flirt with random men I meet and feel attracted to.

    How I present myself to my current lover…

    Early on I let him know that I am ready to settle down with one man and I am only interested in dating a man who is also wanting that in his life and sees that potential with me. I let him know that if I am not feeling fulfilled in our relationship I reserve the right to start dating around. I don’t let myself become dependent on him emotionally or financially.

    One time, we had an argument and he left to take some time alone. It triggered a lot of abandonment issues for me the way that he did it. It was a little harsh and he doesn’t normally treat me like that. I called him to apologize and he didn’t call back. I was feeling pretty bad.

    So I decided rather than sit around feeling down I would get out and fulfill my desire to connect with masculine energy. So the next day I went out to breakfast with one male friend, saw another one at the cafe and hung out with him after, visited with another male friend after that, and then another male friend after that.

    My whole day was fille with masculine energy. When he came back that night I was in a great mood. He was expecting me to still be sad over our fight. I told him I was but then I figured if he didn’t want to be around I would get my needs for masculine energy filled elsewhere.

    I could tell he was shocked and it made a big impact on him. I still respected our sexual exclusivity but he got the message I wasn’t going to sit around pining for him when he left.

    Anyways, that’s my take on things and how I apply it in my own life. :-)

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 2:57pm

  355. 355: SweetpeaNo Gravatar says:


    Thank you for your kind words. Hunky Tree Trimmer is not in jail. Yay! I would love to chat with you about the felony vs. misdemeanor aspect of this though. As my sister put it to me, (after she celebrated with me, of course), “why are we celebrating his not being in jail, as opposed to being appalled that he could have gone to jail, again?”

    Heck! I don’t know. Because I’m not judging & staying out of my head! But is that a good thing, I wonder…

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 2:57pm

  356. 356: SweetpeaNo Gravatar says:


    Funny. You must have written that to me while I was writing the next post. Thank you! That, I believe, is exactly what would feel good to me in CDing.

    I do CD myself, and I CD in the real world. And I don’t have a problem telling him about that. Not to make him jealous, but yeah. I told him a guy bought me roses, just because I want that level of honesty to be established. Plus, it let’s him know – “hey. You don’t have me sewn up yet.” I think that’s a good thing for both of us. “Don’t forget what you’ve got here, Sunshine.”

    I feel very good about the fact that I’ve been able to use feeling messages & express my truth with him in a non-blaming way. I haven’t let him slip an inch. If I feel bad, I tell him I feel bad. Like today, he jokingly called me “punk” (and I giggled my a** off) but at the same time I told him I don’t like being called “punk.” He said, “it’s a love name.” I said, “well it doesn’t feel very loving to me.” So he asked me, “how about Baby” which I told him felt good, and then, “how about Lover?” Which I told him felt even better.

    I am surprised and amazed about the level oif confidence I feel and freely express with him. And he responds so well to it. Which just encourages me to do it more. Oh yes. This onbe os a very good growth experience for me, I think.

    Thanks again for your take on things. I really appreciate the feedback.

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 3:12pm

  357. 357: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Sweetpea: sounds like we’re working cd-ing in the same way. :-)

    I could see how for a younger woman it might be different. How they could really benefit from learning about all the different types of men out there and deciding what they want. But I remember Rori also says she advocates young women being a “girlfriend”. That it may be a good learning experience for that time of life.

    So this boyfriend :-) of yours and the jail thing. I wanna hear more about that.

    For me, it’s not an automatic deal breaker. We all break laws everyday…and we usually don’t even know we are breaking them. I kinda like someone who doesn’t cowtow to societal pressure.

    At the same time, I wouldn’t want someone who was always attracting trouble either.

    So what kinda guy is this???? Please tell.

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 3:26pm

  358. 358: LuzyNo Gravatar says:

    232: Denise:

    I am 36 divorced 6 years ago and a single parent. I have not been in a serious relationship since my divorce. It was so easy before now I just get lemons for men. Either emotional unavailable, Narcissistic, or Magicians who suddenly disappear when things are getting to close for comfort. I don’t think online dating is for finding a serious committed relationship, but it works if you want to play the field and meet new people.

    I want not to need a relationship, I want to be happy with the idea of being single for the rest of my life. I failed at marriage and I suck at relationships…I am meant to be alone.

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 3:30pm

  359. 359: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Another thing about LI. I’ve had several of my friends say to me “wow, he is really in to you”. Getting that outside feedback was really helpful because honestly, I don’t think I even knew what that looks like. I didn’t even know what it was like to have a man be really into me.

    Anyway, that was pretty significant for me to hear.

    I would base my decision to be with someone only on that outside feedback. I would have to feel good around him also. But that felt really good to hear.

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 3:38pm

  360. 360: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:


    This sounds healthy…

    “I want not to need a relationship, I want to be happy with the idea of being single for the rest of my life.”

    This sounds like NV’s talking

    ” I failed at marriage and I suck at relationships…I am meant
    to be alone.”

    I cannot condone your nv’s talking to you like that! No no no! Let’s think of something more uplifting. C’mon we can do it together.

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 3:43pm

  361. 361: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Meant to say I wouldn’t base my decision on other people’s feedback!

    Wow! Typos galore!

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 3:46pm

  362. 362: Turtle GirlNo Gravatar says:

    If we are single and not in a relationship it can feel like we suck at relationships. Even if you did “fail” at marriage-so what. I don’t believe that, because it takes two being there and two to make it work.
    Failure is just an outcome it does not mean you suck.

    I have said that before prolly on this very post, but I know that I don’t suck. I am just learning like the rest of us girls. I am getting better with each man I date. With each person I interact with I am getting better. Old dogs can learn new tricks. They can and do-all the time.

    But I believe even if I did not do well in the past, even if I have my own “commitment” issues and even if I was/am attracted to toxic men, so what-I can change that-I am changing that. We have choices today. With knowledge comes power. WE can rewrite the play-it is our play after all-we can have it any way we want it.

    CD guy that dumped me? He is coming to my house tonite to bring me some firewood. Huh. Can’t wait for this next act of the play……lol…..xxoo

    Katrina Phang-
    And Daria-
    Thank you both for your input regarding this issue and Sweetpea too. This is complicated and each relationship is different, hard for me to know what to do sometimes, I have to keep in mind what FEELS right to me, and not divert off my feelings and get all up in my head or be all pinny for him because it means I am lonely and not because I want him specifically..that is not fair to him. So I am really growing at light speed here with all this and learning tons about ME. Thank you goddesses every one….xxoo

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 3:53pm

  363. 363: LuzyNo Gravatar says:

    373: Laughing Goddess:

    True I am just having a relapse I guess. I have build many walls, and recently let them down for someone, who eventually left. I want to keep those walls and still feel good about myself. I did not know how to handle this guy and I scared him off. I freaked out and maybe if I stop trying or letting men in I’ll do better.

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 4:02pm

  364. 364: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Janjune re 156 –

    Wow, it just felt amazing to read that post. I felt calmer and inspired to keep going.

    Thank you.

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 4:20pm

  365. 365: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Luzy: I feel you. Heartache feels horrible. And those walls do protect us in a sense, but they also keep things out. Things we really need and want.

    I feel reminded of Rori’s saying “soft on the outside, strong on the inside”. That’s where we can let people in because we know no matter what happens, we will be there for ourselves.
    We will take care of ourselves and we will make healthy choices about who we let in.

    How does that sound to you?

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 4:25pm

  366. 366: SweetpeaNo Gravatar says:


    Speaking as someone who made the Great Wall of China look like a speed bump, I have to tell you, my walls did me more harm than good. They hurt me. It took me a very long time to figure out that my walls were keeping me lonely, isolated and scared. The walls kept out the bad guys, sure. They also kept out good guys, good friends and kept me from being my warm-hearted, genuine, authentic self. And…it’s COLD inside those walls. My own warm heart started growing icicles. It felt icky, yucky, blah.

    I feel so much better about myself and about people in general since I’ve started letting my walls down. Plus, I trust myself more. I feel like a tiny little crb that ventured out of her shell and figured out I’m not nearly so helpless or vulnerable as I thought I was.

    Sorry to hear you’re hurting. I just felt compelled to share my experience with you. Baby steps. Venture out. Then if the walls feel safer, go back behind them. But don’t stay there dearheart. Be brave. Come back out. The water is fine! And we’re here to help you learn to swim away from the bad guys, to heal yourself when your hurt and to help you learn to love yourself, no matter what!

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 4:40pm

  367. 367: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    I like the way you said that sweetpea

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 4:44pm

  368. 368: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Oh I feel triggered!

    I was just on match.com and saw that date guy has a profile on there.

    I feel really in a spin from this because he never mentioned this to me, despite me being very open about me being on there and opening up all about my ideas about dating and how I felt.

    He heard me talk about how it felt to be on match, asked me questions about it and he never once mentioned that he is on there!

    OMG… WTF? I feel really silly, and vulnerable.


    Oh, I should mention that he flamed out again… and that I am still dating Mr feel good, who is his friend (well they know each other) and I felt worried about this last week.

    And when I saw his profile I just have this overwhelming urge to click on it to view it! But I do not want him to know because then I would feel like a desperate stalker! Lol, arghhh, I feel frustrated.

    Why do I keep getting stuck on this guy?? What is he here for?

    I guess a lot of this is because I cannot work him out. His behaviour feels erratic to me. He seemed so into me and then acts like he is not. And I hear from others this is what he does… but then he is on match. And I KNOW this is none of my business! Need to get out of his head.

    Is he a secret dater? A secret proper grown up man but somehow just not for me…

    And it makes me want to SCREAM ‘What, you are on match because you want to date, to find someone… the why didn’t you want me? What is wrong with me? Why, why, why was I not good enough for you?’

    But I also feel too good. I feel confused… don’t get it.

    I feel not good enough! I feel less than. I feel insecure and unworthy. I feel unwanted (this is just me riffing).

    Argh, and I really want to look at the profile. Even considering paying to upgrade so I can look without him knowing! Lol… oh I feel like a stalker now!

    Don’t think I’ll do it but it is like an itch that I shouldn’t scratch!

    Is he not curious about me? Why the F*ck Not!!!! Grrrrr. Poor ego of mine.

    So I feel confused.

    And I want to see what he wrote on his profile because I do not understand him.

    And I know I have no business trying to be in his head right now. I am not invited. It is not my business!

    So why do I keep getting stuck on him? And he keeps showing back up in one form or another. I wasn’t looking for him on match. He was the last person I expected to see there.

    I feel so unattractive right now. And so silly for opening my heart and being vulnerable by talking about me being on match etc… when he obviously was not sharing in the same way.

    I thought I was quite experienced at this (dating), and was classy and sophisticated, and could handle situations.

    Now I just feel like a silly, goofy teenager with a crush who talks too much too soon and tells people everything about my personal life!

    I feel silly and I feel foolish.

    The shell that is my image has been cracked and I feel exposed. Want to hide again… act cool again, like I used to, to protect myself.

    But I can’t/won’t do that anymore. Not in the same way at least.

    I feel muddled, confused, off balance.

    And I want to talk to him! I want to say I have seen him on there.

    But he is not coming forward so I am not invited to talk to him…

    This taps into one of my greatest fears… being unwanted. I HATE not being invited to things. I want the control… I want to be invited everywhere and get to say yes or no! I feel like a DIVA (maybe not in a good way).

    I am so mad at this guy because I feel he is the one taking this away from me… because he is not inviting me and now, because of what I am learning I am responding differently. Leaning back rather than just inviting myself! So much easier to just invite myself to stuff than to deal with the fact that sometimes I am not invited. That feels horrible and hurtful. Sulk teenager!

    But maybe it’s time to concentrate on what I am invited to?? !! Hmmmm…. interesting.

    And it is hard, I HATE it sometimes. It is like I am a child being dragged kicking and screaming into this new way of being, being dragged by my own self, but still resisting.

    Like a battle in myself. And who is winning? Lol…

    But I feel that maybe if I can do this there IS something better around the corner… I hope anyway. I really do and feel kinda angry about this. Angry me!

    But my ego still feels hurt, and my deeper self, because I am not invited and this man keeps me away at arms length. WHY??

    But he is just one man… other men are inviting me!


    Just riffing. :-)

    Feel stress in my chest. Want to release.

    Want to drop my energy to my pelvis. Maybe not ready yet.

    Maybe soon?

    I love my feelings that help me grow and learn.

    Yipppeeeee, wohhooooo, I LOVE my feelings, good and bad, even when I label them!

    Wohooo, I am a Siren, and a DIVA!

    One man cannot throw me off balance (well maybe a bit!)

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 4:52pm

  369. 369: SweetpeaNo Gravatar says:

    Ugh! Typos. I’ve actually been off the site for awhile because it’s so hard to go back & “edit” myself on this phone before I post. I’m learning to not judge myself, either though, so despite all that… I’m baaa aack!

    I’m with you, I like my men a little renegade. This one’s a little more renegade, well…no he’s not. I was going to say, “than I feel comfortable with,” but it’s comforting to me to know a man will protect me, no matter what. And I get that from him. If someone disrespects me, he’s probably going to break the law and sock ’em if they don’t stop. And he kills rattlesnakes. I hate rattlesnakes. I’ve actually thought about making that a prerequisite before I date anyone… “Do you kill rattlesnakes, or run away?” My modern day version of the dragonslayer, I guess.

    He owns his own business, cooks, cleans, helps people out. He’s really a good guy (who’s going to steal my heart, he keeps telling me – & he might have a chance). He’s very open, loving, cuddly, honest but diplomatic. He’s just so out there…like confident, like he likes himself, not cocky. Not sure why he was going to court. I didn’t ask, he didn’t tell. But…he’s not in jail, so, considering the venue, can’t have been too bad…

    Did that answer your question? I don’t see that he attracts trouble, but I can see where he’d take the bull by the horns if it comes looking for trouble.

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 5:01pm

  370. 370: DeniseNo Gravatar says:

    Online dating is for that- dating and fun. Will it lead to a long term, serious relationship? Who knows! But you have to know what you want.

    I so hear you regarding emotionally unavailable men who use the disappearing act. Does that sound familiar, Renee? I had your Blondie once.

    One question I would like you to consider to yourself, when you are in hyper-truthful mood is, are you sourcing the right candidates? The right candidates will have different attributes than what you had with your ex-husband from years ago. Time passed, you have changed and evolved. Have you truly decided which factors are a must have, on that short list we ascribe to, that you are unwilling to compromise on? Are you listening to your real authenticity? Use intellect and emotions.

    A male friend and I were discussing one of our beautiful female friend’s lack of attraction on a particular harmonious dating site. We wondered, is she actually in tune to answer these quizing questions to get the right matches sent to her? He thought perhaps not, since she has been out of the dating world for so long. He went through the process to find his mate, and he has extensive dating experience. AND he gets the CD! He knows it is for us to keep busy, learn about ourselves, focus on ourselves, while we are not pining away for those unworthy of a siren.

    Just because your marriage failed, does not mean you failed. Was it your first, yes! Think of it as trial run. Life is about practice. Sort through the dating options you already have, get tough on your boundaries to avoid those lemons, and determine your own checklist. Build your skills, (focus on you- and a big boost of self-esteem) grow with abandon, as that never ceases in our enlightenment. I feel then, you will find your romantic ever after!

    Hugs to you, Luzy!

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 5:20pm

  371. 371: SweetpeaNo Gravatar says:

    Re: #379: thanks LG!

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 5:20pm

  372. 372: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Oh .. I just got shy with an older man, and I was about to go thinking he’s judging me and feeling awful about it, but then I realized his weird tone and withdrawing was After I shut down, and now i still feel icky but thunk this was a pattern from the past or something from being afraid of older men who could be child molesters, and not about my everyday experience at all , except as a trigger that. I shut down with older men and brush them off, He actually eeemed like he wanted me to use his phone, but I neutral energy explained to him … And then he says oh and backed off, I felt afraid of ” getting in yrouble “. With him like hes the principal and I’m a small child, gender neutral , hmmm

    I feel the ickyness a lil still and I also feel glad I just noticed this I want to get this more… Mmmm ..

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 5:21pm

  373. 373: GigiNo Gravatar says:


    You can look at his profile on Match without him knowing. Just go into Match as a non-member. Either open a new internet window or log out and just go to match.com and do a new search outside of your profile.

    I hope you feel better about it all!



    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 5:26pm

  374. 374: SweetpeaNo Gravatar says:

    Wow! This is kinda’ cool in a freaky kind of way. My boss is VERY abrasive sometimes, but a really nice guy. he owns his own business, is fit & attractive, but somewhat lacking in social skills. And he seems to be convinced that his job is to take care of others, but never find love. We were talking the other day & he’s aware that he sabotages relationships, but I don’t think he knows how to fix that.

    Anyway, I feel so angry toward him sometimes that I want to throw the phone at him & tell him to shove it. I’ve been trying to use my girl energy on him, but this week I’ve really been concentrating on it and he has been a pussy cat. Like a sometimes mean, raging beast, who is now treating me more gently & kindly. Wow! I feel awed, surprised, amazed!

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 5:29pm

  375. 375: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    I’m calling men to help me hehe

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 5:30pm

  376. 376: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    i feel YUM
    oh wow i feel yum
    no man has ever made me feel this YUM.

    i have a new cd. it was remarkable. I got on the bus and saw a beautiful man. really, really beautiful through and through. I sat down and saw him and thought “that is the most beautiful black man I have ever seen.”

    I got off the bus much later without ever even making eye contact with him and so did he. I crossed the street away from him but he ran after me. He said excuse me, miss? He wanted to know all about me. It was the yummiest, most pleasant conversation I’ve had with a man in my whole life. I felt safe and turned on to the max. I leaned back the whole way. I felt comfortable doing that because he was fully masculine in his energy. I felt natural and not forced using feeling messages. I feel like a confident goddess. This man is BEAUTIFUL and I feel worthy of him.

    This is great on many levels. Looking forward to going on date w/him.

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 5:33pm

  377. 377: DeniseNo Gravatar says:

    Renee, a shout out, I feel your pain!

    Blondie is too confused and insecure. He has proven that to me in what you posted. I think I had a Blondie once. Many years ago, we were engaged. One day a seemingly fairy tale existance, of romance, travel, riches, and dreams come true, was entirely gone. It was not my doing. I know that for fact. Everyone who knew both of us, knew that. Something snapped in him. It was clear as a bright day, a short while later when I could wipe away my tears and gasp for air. I saw a clear reality.

    I can see clearly now, the rain has gone…la ti da

    I think he did you a favor, and better to find out now than later.

    Something is so familiar there. Remember the details of his so called profession? I know that well. His psyche may not be what you think it is. YOU deserve Authentic. He is hiding behind a cloak; people in that profession have a skewed view, and are trained to diffuse. In the process, a little bit of their soul can be removed. It’s like their tiny spirit animal has been stripped from them in the rules of conformity and obsessive clandestine ways.

    You sounds capably strong! I feel you are better in control of your destiny.

    Wishing you joy and hugs. -D

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 5:35pm

  378. 378: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Ella I felt so warm and giggled and felt loved when I read that you want to be invited to things. Me too and I felt live because I recognize that voice and it feels good like being seen.

    Date guy probably got triggered to his own nvs about competing, but still couldn’t resist exploring his obvious attraction to you. Dont worry hell beat his own demons and come back a wonderful man to hunt you down.

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 5:37pm

  379. 379: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Italian guy is coming to the rescue in 10 !!! minutes. Yay italian guy.

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 5:44pm

  380. 380: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Omg dorothea I feelsooooo thrilled I must be relinvingest my yommest moments of getting hit on reading your post.

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 5:48pm

  381. 381: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    feeling guilty awful scared small
    what if LI is not The One? Feeling awful at the thought of breaking his heart. Feeling cornered like I’d commit to him without marriage (when i don’t feel comfortable doing that) just to simplify things and not leave any opportunity for him to have to compete or me to choose between men. How do I CD when I tell LI that I LOVE him. I do love him. But I feel attracted to other men too and we’re not in an exclusive relationship cuz i said no ring, no commitment from me.

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 5:48pm

  382. 382: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    feeling too powerful to succumb to the pressure of triggers right now. thinking the alternative would be sacrificing my future and happiness being exclusive without commitment just to quiet my fears and triggers.

    well f*ck that!!!!!

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 5:49pm

  383. 383: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Omg god that sound soo great I am going to save your post and later on ask you if I can publish it in my anthology of short romantic stories.

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 5:50pm

  384. 384: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    feeling self conscious about how i acted to fine guy tonight. thinking about when he asked me for a hug as he was leaving after we met, and i said “why not” and made a little face. I was nervous!!!! i did want to hug him but i was nervous. Wishing I could go back and do it over.


    note to self: next time, SLOW DOWN. stay present. cuz that feels much better.

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 5:51pm

  385. 385: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Yeah the nvs blah

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 5:52pm

  386. 386: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    not liking at all that i felt so yummy and now i am finding reasons to feel bad.


    would feel really good to get back in goddess mode.

    i will do this by taking soaking in the tub right now.

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 5:53pm

  387. 387: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Omg.. Chewing really slow and over tastebuds and not swallowing till it’s all mush feels Really good too

    This is not a joke, it’s the same to me

    Bite me nvs

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 5:54pm

  388. 388: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Sweetpea – your interaction with rebel ram about calling you punk and then changing to baby lover I feel so warm and lived reading that. I love that

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 6:02pm

  389. 389: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    chewing food slow sounds like a GREAT idea

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 6:06pm

  390. 390: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Life – it feels great to hear you stand up for yourself… I feel powerful and like Yesss when I read you take back your power at the end and acknoedge your dissapointment. I feel strong

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 6:09pm

  391. 391: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @383: Ella says:
    “Oh I feel triggered!
    I was just on match.com and saw that date guy has a profile on there. ”

    Annoying, but he wouldn’t be taking you on date if he didn’t want to.

    Oh, I’d look. Are we not supposed to? He didn’t cry out “Stop, in the name of love… don’t tell me anything”…when you mentioned YOU were on the dating site.

    I’d look and I wouldn’t say anything unless he mentioned it…I’m curious. Or I’d just ask a friend to look at it. Is this a bad thing? Should I be thinking of this in some other way? What is the siren way for this situation, and why. Curious about that too.


    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 6:13pm

  392. 392: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Renee – you Will be fine! Your alive a beautiful woman!

    You sound great! Remember 3 months ago you didn’t know blonde. You will be more than fine… You will meet many men who want to treat you much better than even he did at first… You sound like a queen.

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 6:20pm

  393. 393: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    You ARE a Queen!

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 6:20pm

  394. 394: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Slv – I’m open to looking and not looking… I
    already know him, I’m curious too! It’s not like I’m checking it over and over for any hint of action… Hehehe

    Nah but I’d look and not say anything too =D. I don’t have to hide

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 6:26pm

  395. 395: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Lg I do get it, and I’m intrigued. I wonder why I feel good – and sAfer – about committing to a man ( and really shared life and household). For the whole lifetime… Hmm… Just sound yummy like the story about 2 loving old people… Def something I want to explore more unti I get the gem of this…

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 6:32pm

  396. 396: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @385 Denise

    “We wondered, is she actually in tune to answer these quizing questions to get the right matches sent to her? He thought perhaps not, since she has been out of the dating world for so long. He went through the process to find his mate, and he has extensive dating experience…”

    After 25 years I don’t know either…did I ever know?
    What should I know about the quizzes to source the right prospects? Oh, so much to learn…

    I wanted to ask Turtle Girl how she decides who gets a coffee date from the pool that contact her and then how she decides who makes the cut for second date from those who ask for one. I did ask but lost that long post. Good thing, I think I asked too many questions. I’ll have to spread them out anyway so I can soak up everything.

    I know this sounds simple, but this dating thing is sounding increasingly complicated.


    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 6:32pm

  397. 397: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Hehe I can see someone in their crone stage having a pull to be alone, or even leave their household and go dancing and romancing! Hmmm

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 6:33pm

  398. 398: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Slv – Rori says date Everyman who asks unless he scares you, and keep dating every man who asks as long as you feel good about YOURSELF in their presence.

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 6:36pm

  399. 399: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    It’s about constantly checking my feelings during the interaction

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 6:37pm

  400. 400: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @ Daria:

    “It’s not like I’m checking it over and over for any hint of action… Hehehe ”

    Tee hee. I’d check out the action too. Why not? Not compulsively but I like to be in the know. 😆


    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 6:38pm

  401. 401: SweetpeaNo Gravatar says:

    Aww Daria, thanks! I like the term “rebel ram.” Lol!
    Think he’s an Aries?

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 6:39pm

  402. 402: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @412: Daria says:

    “Hehe I can see someone in their crone stage having a pull to be alone, or even leave their household and go dancing and romancing! Hmmm”

    Pull? I suppose that depends upon what she’s pulling….? 😆


    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 6:41pm

  403. 403: EllaNo Gravatar says:


    as usual, thanks for the input. I did the sneaky thing and looked without using my profile so he would not know it was me! I love my devious side, lol…

    Well when I saw his profile it made me melt and my heart went out to him… anger melted away. I’m not able to explain why… but even if this guy never steps up I feel ok now.

    I feel appreciative of the things he has brought to me and of that part of him that is the Devine Masculine.

    Ohhh, and Mr feel good called me up tonight and asked me ‘where we stood!’. He is so sweet but I have only been dating him a week!! I did not really know how to answer.

    I already gave him the no GF speech… he later responded that he thinks I am putting up barriers cus I have been hurt in the past…

    It has made for some interesting conversations… I am not sure what will happen next though. if he is asking where we stand after 1 week I am not sure how he will take the whole CD-ing thing. I feel nervous about this. I don’t want to stop hanging out with him.

    On the other the thought of getting into a ‘relationship’ with someone, or even getting close to someone so soon scares the pants off me – truly I feel panic when I think of this.

    And the thought that it would just be the same road as before. And I feel fear that I will not be able to take the pressure not to CD, and the fear that I will cave.

    Well I just told Mr feel good my truth which is that I like spending time with him.

    There is another thing too. He is not hansome ini the traditional way. I mean he is not someone I would normally be physically attracted to, and yet when I am around him I am REALLY attracted to him. I wonder what this means…

    Whether it is me becoming more open to recieving from men? But I do feel drawn to him, and comfortable. He makes me feel so good….

    Hmmm. watch this space!

    Daria – I like that you felt giggly reading my previous post! :-)

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 6:44pm

  404. 404: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:


    “…asking where we stand after 1 week …”

    Seems soon? Is this soon? I was thinking there would not be a NO GF speech until MONTHS later…


    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 6:47pm

  405. 405: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Gigi re 338 – thanks! 😉

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 6:47pm

  406. 406: EllaNo Gravatar says:


    Take good care of yourself right now!

    How do you feel at the moment?

    Hugs x

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 6:55pm

  407. 407: LuzyNo Gravatar says:

    Wow, I am upgrading my profile and I am chatting with two guys at once. I’m turning a bit slutty and I like it :)

    Well see if I can Handle CD…

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 6:55pm

  408. 408: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    SVL –

    Yes it is soon!

    I have been giving the NG speech as soon as it feels I needed to…

    It is weird in this small town… it is like guys EXPECT you to automatically be thier GF after one or two dates.

    Or maybe this is some reflection on me and my thought processes?!.

    I sometimes feel worried that I do the no GF speech too soon, but I feel like a 2 timer if I don’t! And especially as this place is so small, it is only a matter of time before I run into one date whilst out with another.

    With Mr Feel Good. He has made it quite clear that he is into me and has wanted to spend loads of time with me, asking me to do something almost every night this week.

    I have just been following my feelings and going with what feels good. Sometimes I met him, sometimes I said No. We have been doing lots of talking and walking. And recently we got more physical kissing one another. But I would feel more comfortable if it would slow down now (I think).

    I feel ok with how he is… I feel trusting towards him…

    I think that he is being affected by my feelings messages and the vibe we have but I am not blindsided by this.

    What he is asking IS soon and yet I feel ok. I think it comes from a genuine place. I just hope that he will remain as lovely no matter what my reaction.

    I guess if he is a real/good man then he will!

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 7:05pm

  409. 409: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Also, and I might be wrong here… but it seems to me like dating in general is less accepted in the UK than USA. Especially outside of London.

    That is not to say that it isn’t done, but it seems that it could be less commonplace and in particular for people to date regularly and with lots of people…

    Anyone else on here from UK? What do you think?

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 7:09pm

  410. 410: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    weee it’s raining men. i have a spontaneous cd. i was going to stay at home but when the phone rang i just asked myself how i felt as he asked. and i felt good. at first i felt annoyed by how he was asking but i let the judgment go and looked at it positively, and decided wow it would feel fun to have last minute excitement in my life. i feel like a teenager weee

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 7:26pm

  411. 411: Erika AwakeningNo Gravatar says:

    I notice feeling anger when I think about this site …

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 7:29pm

  412. 412: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    SLV: in my head I’m changing your name to Sassy Lady Vibe. I hope you don’t mind. :-)

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 7:29pm

  413. 413: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    riff it out, Erika!

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 7:30pm

  414. 414: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Erika: hi :-)

    what’s going on? Any idea where the anger is coming from?

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 7:31pm

  415. 415: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    I summoned erika here with my intense attraction to “difficult” interactions and desire to work through them.

    but i am leaving really soon for a date. haha can i cancel my date and tell him sorry but i have triggers i want to work through? he’s on his way over. I’ll check back later though.

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 7:35pm

  416. 416: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @427: Laughing Goddess says:
    “SLV: in my head I’m changing your name to Sassy Lady Vibe. I hope you don’t mind. “be

    OK, 😀 that works but don’t like the word “sassy” so much so maybe i’ll find another “s” word also. Guess “sexy” is too obvious… hahaha 😆


    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 7:36pm

  417. 417: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    I’m judging myself right now. There’s this big party tonight and “everyone” is going to be there and I don’t want to go. I just want to relax at home and watch a movie and chat here.

    Why am I beating myself up over this?

    What if this was the very best thing I could do for myself? Actually, after asking myself that, I feel confident that it is.

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 7:36pm

  418. 418: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Sexy works for me! Yes!

    Sexy lady vibe

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 7:38pm

  419. 419: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:


    If you were with a guy I bet you wouldn’t mind staying at home, cuddled up and with a movie, right?

    Well…it’s just sort of a ‘Me-date’ CD if the guy isn’t there too…


    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 7:39pm

  420. 420: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    You could always throw on some lipstick if that’s your thing and go to the party for 30 minutes and then go home.

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 7:40pm

  421. 421: LizzieNo Gravatar says:


    ugh – so today I dumped 2 guys; and I got dumped by 2 guys….like WTF!!! I hate this sh*t.

    So I dumped married guy – wrote him a really nice note, and this afternoon, I got a really nice note back… I am so happy I wrote him a note. It was a very dignified coming to closure. It was as freeing for him as me. And I am thankful for the “message” he was for me.

    Then I dumped the Teacher – he was more sad and sent me 2 notes back – the second one apologizing for the sarcastic first note….Seems I just might have done the right thing.

    Then! Like FuKc! the 2 French men dumped me! seems they had both already been out meeting lovely ladies and decided they would like to pursue a relationship with one of them. So thank you now go away.

    I freaking hate this sh*t.
    I feel hurt.
    My chest hurts.
    I am sad.
    My bladder still hurts.

    I am running a workshop all weekend and I am not ready
    I am distracted
    I hurt all over
    I am thinking about stepping out of all this for a while.
    Looking for someone to play with has distracted me from what is important – my business
    I need to re-focus on my business.

    So I shall say goodbye to all my lovely giving and loving friends here now as well. Maybe I shall be back in a few months – I might be an elastic band for a while. Never the less, you are such a wonderful community and I so enormously appreciate the gift each of you bring to this list. I have learned from each of you!

    Good night! and Good bye!!!


    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 7:41pm

  422. 422: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @433: Laughing Goddess says:
    “Sexy works for me! Yes!
    Sexy lady vibe”

    Uh-huhhhh, Hmmmm, Yummy. 😀


    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 7:42pm

  423. 423: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    “Then! Like FuKc! the 2 French men dumped me!”

    Isn’t this “pre-date?” so technically not a dump? Anyway, they’re French… 😆 isn’t that the stereotype, romance is easy come, easy go…?

    I hope you feel better, maybe a couple of weeks off would be good for you and come back vigorous!


    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 7:48pm

  424. 424: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:


    I’m thinking I’ve never even been “kissing buddies” with more than one man at a time.

    Even when I’ve seen it happen on those “Bachelor/Bachelorette” shows it seems … something… odd… inauthentic…I don’t know what…


    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 7:55pm

  425. 425: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Sexy Lady Vibe: yes! A me date. I love it! Thank you.

    Dorothe: that’s a great idea. I would probably do that except for it’s about 45 minutes away and involves parking one place and taking a shuttle to the actual party and it’s cold and raining and I just started my period and blah blah blah….

    But I have a little case of FOMO (fear of missing out)

    I have all these lame reasons in my head why I should go…
    Networking, blah blah.


    anyway, I’m going to follow my intuition and stay home.

    Have fun on your date! Loved reading your bus man story. Love that you have beautiful men chasing you down. :-)

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 8:00pm

  426. 426: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    omg i would stay home. lol. no question about it

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 8:05pm

  427. 427: JenniferNo Gravatar says:

    Wondering if it would cause more peace on the blog if sirens stared a riff entry with the word
    Little confining maybe?
    More like clarifying…..?
    and possibly a trigger blog with the word
    or something like that
    maybe I just wanna keep peace here cause my life is all bad tsunami wall of crap.
    Maybe I shouldn’t care
    Maybe this isn’t the thread for this.
    Maybe I’m thinking too much
    Maybe I don’t wanna feel nuffin.
    And nobody is big enough to make me
    Maybe I’m burnt out of feeling stuff.

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 8:08pm

  428. 428: PassionatelyPiscesNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you for the welcome and responses to my questions about the meaning of ‘riffing’ and ‘triggered.’

    As I said, I left a 12 year relationship with a very sincere, basically decent alcoholic man. I know the alcoholism should be a deal-breaker. It is a fatal and progressive disease and he wants no part of getting truly sober and healthy. It’s been a pattern for me (father and first husband both died of it) and my second husband was alcoholic also—but was violent and abusive and I left him.

    Duh…you’d think I’d have learned my lesson. But no…I spent a few years alone and went on to alcoholic relationship #3.

    I know I need the Toxic Men program. There’s a part of me that hopes I’ll find that he is not all-out toxic, but just has some toxic qualities. (I know….I know…)

    We still talk to each other and just in the short time I’ve been reading this blog and Rori’s materials—(I have Modern Siren and Reconnect Your Relationship and the E-book)—using the feeling messages and leaning back, etc. has considerably changed the dynamic between us. This totally surprises me, and I’m thinking it may have given me some false hope.

    If nothing else, I’m hoping that the more I learn and the more I use the tools that it will be easier to just stay on my horse and keep on riding. I thought I wanted/needed closure. I know better now, but things are so awkward and sad and I feel confused a lot of the time. He tells me I will never be replaced and that [his house] will always be my home. As good as that makes me feel sometimes, I’m realizing that in some ways it’s a trap. I almost hate it that it’s SO totally my decision. He cried when I left, but never asked me not to. I think he knows I deserve better. I know it, too. But I do still love him.

    I’m trying to remember how lonely I was with him and how angry and crazy I felt most of the time. I’m not actually thinking of going back, but I don’t feel really ‘single’ yet and I can’t blame anyone but myself for that. I am VERY aware that I need to keep the focus on me and decide what it is that *I* want and need—and I guess that’s the tough part.

    I turned 50 in March and this is the first time in my life that I’ve lived all alone and been able to focus just on me and my life. I’m trying to keep in mind what Rori says about how we don’t fall in love with a man—we fall in love with ourselves in his presence. I think I have that mixed up because I always seem to get hung up on “the man.” (And I can SO relate to when you ladies talk about “the man crack”—it makes me chuckle to myself, but it’s really not funny.) This stuff is SO deeply ingrained in me.

    Does anyone have the Toxic Men program? Did it help you unravel the mess? I will be ordering it in a few weeks, but just curious. I’d be happy to answer any questions about the two programs I have.


    P.S. How do I ‘uncheck’ the box where an e-mail is sent everytime someone posts?

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 8:17pm

  429. 429: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    I texted Ryan again tonight. These texts took place over a period of hours:

    Bren: Hiya! I find it impossible to outgirl you **blushes!** I feel dumb but I miss you. How can we solve this so I don’t annoy you?

    Bren: Ryan loves Brenda

    Ryan: I don’t really know what to do. I need space.

    Bren: I’m sorry, Ryan. I feel bad. I don’t want to disrespect your boundaries. I am really struggling with letting you go. I am doing my best. You are my favorite person in the world. The best times of my life were spent with you. I only want friendship. I will do my best to not contact you again. :-( I love you.

    Ryan: Thank you

    Bren: I just need to say one more thing. I thought I was doing a relatively good job of giving you space. I’m not perfect. I wish life was a play we could rehearse. If I knew 2 years ago what I know now, I would have related to you far differently. Even tho you want a woman fully devoted to you, if I hadn’t shown you all my devotion, but been more aloof, I wonder how much different the lines of the play would be reading now. I think subconsciously, you want a woman who isn’t faithful. I was too available. Not enough of a conquest. I feel so sad. Very, very sad.

    Ryan: I’m sorry you’re feeling so sad.

    Bren: Thank you

    Ryan: Are you doing ok?

    Bren: God’s arms around me will hold me together. I feel touched that you asked. I have made a study of how to relate to you with emotional intelligence. I feel bad that at best I can’t hold on to my feelings. Then I feel embarrassed.

    Bren: I just wish you could turn back time one last time to let us start our friendship from scratch, as tho we had never met.

    Bren: I am crying tonight, but my heart cries every night.

    Ryan: Without the romantic element?

    Bren: Yes. Like I said, I only want to be your friend. I don’t want to be anything else with the schizophrenia there. No offense to you. Just too many issues with it.

    Ryan: Well, we can start talking to each other.

    Bren: Big smile! Thank you so much. I feel happy! :-)

    Ryan: :-)

    Ryan: Feeling better?

    Bren: LOL! Yeah! Thanks!

    Ryan: :-)

    Wow! I feel amazed at the turn-around! I feel amazed at Rori’s program! I feel happy Ryan is my friend again!

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 9:05pm

  430. 430: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    RE: #351 – I am a “rhythm” baby…My mommy was using the rhythm method of birth control when she conceived me. I love the rhythm method…its results are marvelous! Hehehehe! 😆

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 9:12pm

  431. 431: janjuneNo Gravatar says:

    hi sweet brenda!

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 9:19pm

  432. 432: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    well my cd felt bad and i cut it short. so, hi.

    i definitely told him in feeling messages how i was feeling, and he kept saying he didn’t know what to do and there’s no magic way to make me feel better. i kept speaking in feelings until after about 20 minutes of this i said, “what i’m hearing is that since there’s no magic cure, you’re not gonna try anything, and that you don’t want me to feel bad, yet you’re dragging out a conversation about it and i am feeling even worse now.” then i said i was going to leave. then i realized i had a full beer and he drank his while i was telling him how i feel, and that i wanted to drink mine too, so i told him this felt unfair that if i had to walk away and not get the chance to enjoy myself and that maybe he should leave instead so i can drink my beer and feel good. he left. the end.

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 9:30pm

  433. 433: janjuneNo Gravatar says:

    well, goddesses, i do feel the vibe has shifted and men can feel it.

    i wish i wasn’t so tired so i could share everything with the other goddesses on here who haven’t got a clue about online dating like i don’t…but am learning…

    i have come up with a way that, for me, is taking the pain and time and work out of messaging and smiling and winking and viewing and what to do when i get an “I’m Interested In You”–where they have merely moved their finger and pressed a button as a means of communicating their interest :) ehem….

    i will post later what i’ve been doing that is working in my situation because i don’t feel any stress over it all, not like i did last year when i tried to online date.

    Looks like I have two step up men so far, who have set up actual dates.
    And three more men who are being wishy washy and seem to be waiting for me to do the work.
    But i won’t!! :)

    they can drop off into girly-guy oblivion if they want to :) i’m meaning that as a joke, but do of course really mean it.

    it feels very fun to lean back.
    and let them walk away if they want to…
    but it seems funny the three who are wishy washing around—
    i thought they were gone already :)
    but they’re not
    they’ve stepped up their game a little bit, but not much
    after i don’t respond to the crumb they throw … they’ve re-grouped for a day or two and then thrown a piece of bread.

    But i want the loaf!!
    slathered with organic creamy butter
    with cherry preserves
    and a big cup of steaming hot columbian coffee with cream
    and three strips of crispy bacon,
    two eggs scrambled and
    extra napkins.
    oh, and a water with lemon please! :)

    funny how i seem to be putting men and food together
    in the same category, thoughts, sentences.
    ….this means something….
    hmmmm……. appetites, yes, provisions/provider, hmmm….. yes

    well, right now i’m going to do a scarlett o’hara: I’ll think about it tomorrow

    i cd’d myself tonight with my sister and her best friend. we went to one of the entertainment districts in our city and had appetizers and fruity tropical drinks with little umbrellas in them and mine had a pair of teeny-tiny pink sunglasses stuck into an orange slice. :)

    i pinned the sunglasses on my jacket lapel and will leave it there to remind me that goddesses can do and have and be anything they want…

    goodnight :)

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 10:05pm

  434. 434: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    RE: #436 – I feel sad to see you go! I do understand tho, and you need to do you, and stay on your bridge and what feels best to you. I love you! And I really appreciate your witty relational style! You make me laugh over and over! I hope your seminar goes well this weekend. Just keep your mind clear by thinking about Mt. Kilamajaro and other slutty feeling messages. 😆

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 10:06pm

  435. 435: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    RE: #443 – The biggest thing I got from Toxic Men was to sit down, walk out, cover my heart with my hand, and how to say, “This doesn’t feel good” in various ways. If a man tries to abuse me, I can walk out, saying, “This feels awful.” Are you setting your sites too low? Aim big!

    To uncheck a subscription to a thread, click, “Manage my Subscriptions” at the bottom of the thread. Uncheck it on the list of threads.

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 10:14pm

  436. 436: HoneyNo Gravatar says:

    Sirens –

    WTF! Does every man try to pull the seduction routine by the 3rd date? Or is it me? Not that the guy tonight was disrespectful or anything, but geez. What do you say when a guy says he wants you? “Thank you, I appreciate that, but no”? I wasn’t offended or anything, because he is a nice guy and respectful of my boundaries. I’m just wondering if everyone else has the same experience.

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 10:37pm

  437. 437: HoneyNo Gravatar says:

    Lizzie –

    If you read this, I will miss you. I hope you come back soon,

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 10:39pm

  438. 438: HoneyNo Gravatar says:

    Dorothea –

    I’m sorry your CD sucked. At the same time, I cannot believe that you got him to leave so you could drink your beer in peace. You are the Queen of Feelings Messages for sure.

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 10:46pm

  439. 439: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    Later Lizzie :)

    Thank you for the lovely wisdom around the forty-something’s men, mwuah! 😀
    May the force be with you!!!!!

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 11:05pm

  440. 440: Apple JacksNo Gravatar says:

    Hey Nikita!

    I’ve got some astrology discoveries about myself I wanted to share. Remember when I said I just do NOT identify with a Leo? And you told me that I was born in the year of the fire snake and to also find out my rising sun and moon signs? Well, I found out my rising moon is Aries and my rising sun is Scorpio.

    I read another article talking about how our astrological signs may not be what we think it is due to the sun processions not being taken into consideration or whatever, didn’t read the details, and according to these people my sign may not be Leo at all but Cancer, and when I read the description of Cancer I totally identified! Including the flaws and it was very congruent with my INFP personality type. So…can I just say I’m a Cancer and shed the Leo name totally lol?

    I just had to share what I found out.

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 11:12pm

  441. 441: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    I feel very proud of myself about how I dealt with a situation that I was very triggered by. Wow! I handle it differently than I normally do. It was quite challenging but I did it. Progress!

    Friday, 22 October 2010 @ 11:41pm

  442. 442: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Dorethea re 425 –

    Wooohooo! Yay.

    I too have been following my feelings instead of ‘the rules’ and it has led to some fun/interesting/challenging results.

    Siren power! Wohoo.

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 3:56am

  443. 443: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    SVL – re 439

    I had never done this before I started CD-ing either. And if you read back some of my posts you will see how triggered I have been by letting guys kiss me.

    However Rori does suggest that we open ourselves to men and that there is no issue with kissing guys. Yes, even more than 1… I think she suggests allowing a guy to kiss us the first time he tires, as long as we are not repulsed by them!

    Well it massively triggered my insecurities, and worries about what people would say or ‘being judged’. On the other hand I can feel it making me stronger inside! Like I am stopping worrying what other people think and knowing my guy will be able to ‘see’ me no matter what is going on or who I have kissed in the past.

    I think it is more the issues WE have with kissing men, and how that makes us feel and taps into the judgements we have and the labels that get put on women, instead of focusing on freedom.

    I do feel a lilttle judged here.

    Well anyway if I do not feel comfortable I will not kiss anyone. On the other hand I will not stop doing what feels good because of other people’s judgements (not you SVL… others in my town) or my own fears.

    So I guess I will see how this works out.

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 4:05am

  444. 444: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Honey re 451

    In general guys are more in touch with their sexual side than us. I think it is cool if we can understand that without judging (I struggle with this and have often ‘guilted’ guys for being sexual towards me) AS LONG AS they respect our boundaries and our right to say No!

    For me I will just keep talking in feeling messages and stick to my boundaries if I am not comfortable. In extreme cases I will leave.

    For me the raw sexuality of a man is one of the differences I embrace and it feels so flattering that they are attracted to me with this masculine power. At the same time I want to be respected and cherished and for some women they do not feel this way if a guy shows his sexual side too soon.

    Also I will NOT do anything I do not want to or that would leave my feeling unloved or disrespected.

    Isn’t it great that we are getting to learn about this and how to have boundaries and still stay open.

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 4:18am

  445. 445: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Janjune re 448 –

    It made me feel so good to read this positive post.

    And I actually laughed out loud reading about the wishy washy, girly boys, throwing crumbs and then pieces of bread… loool!

    Good for you hon. I can feel your positivity!

    I also have 2/3 step up men and 2/3 wishy washy guys… it does feel good not to try to get the wieshy washy ones to do anything… and basking in the attention of the step up ones!

    There is only 1 I really feel I am vibing with right now however I guess that can change on a dime!

    I LOVE Siren power – feels good!

    Would also love to hear about how you are managing your internet dates.


    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 4:26am

  446. 446: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Dorethea re 447

    Wow, way to use DIVA power!

    Do you mind me asking what he was doing or why you were feeloing so bad? I feel curious!

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 4:31am

  447. 447: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Super cd, learning a lot from cd about health and meal plan organizing. I learned about saturated fats and how to have them with omega 3 s like flax oil,

    And how to plan my meal plan – having breakfast tomorrow! I am excited

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 4:33am

  448. 448: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    I got pregnant using condoms maybe like a 30 sec slip but even so I took after pills yah… I feel comfy w my rhythm, although I noticed that sex is a power event for me since I’m not in the habit of it weekly … And I have induced ovulation that way…

    I also know to use neem oil and queen Anne lace seed chew

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 4:38am

  449. 449: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Lizzie – the ‘dumping’ seems like a mirror…

    No more dumping just receiving from now on

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 4:41am

  450. 450: EllaNo Gravatar says:


    I do not really know the history with Ryan or the situation.

    I can feel that the situation with him is a massive challenge for you. I think I read that you have been trying no contact and that your feelings have stayed really strong. I know you are working on this and using Rori’s tools.

    I feel worried for you and I want you to be safe and feel ok/good.

    Just from your post above I feel worried that you are opening up to a man that is not really available/there for you. Ie: making yourself open to him when he is not stepping up? I could be wrong and I do not want to judge. I feel curious to know more if you feel like talking about it.

    I believe this taps straight into my own issues where I did this with my ex and other men and the pain I felt ie: I was opening up to them when they were not coming towards me. Don’t know if this is the case here?

    I just feel protective of my Siren sister. And I think I could learn from this.

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 4:42am

  451. 451: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Jennifer re 442 –

    I love your honesty! It feels good/authentic.

    I like that you are trying to keep us safe.

    I relate to not wanting to feel anythinig anymore. I can feel tiring sometimes and I just want to slip back to old habits…

    But for me I am too far gone, lol. I do not want to go back to my old ways… it would feel SO wrong now. I cannot even pretend anymore!

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 4:46am

  452. 452: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    LG –

    How was your date with yourself at home?

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 4:50am

  453. 453: ReneeNo Gravatar says:

    Hi All — And thanks for your input.

    This man may well be toxic…I don’t know. It doesn’t sound like this has been typical behavior for him in the past, so I want to believe this is an anomaly, but I can’t really tell. I know it felt really good to get his txt today…can’t tell whether he meant as in a “let’s be pals!” sort of way or whether he’s actually having 2nd thoughts, but I know my perfume’s embedded in his pillows from the last night I stayed there, so I do think he’s remembering me, if for no other reason, then that one.

    I vascillate between being afraid I won’t hear from him again and being afraid that I will and that I won’t handle it “just right” so as to lure him back in. I hate that I’m even worried about how to “play” him to get him back in the fold…I’d like to just be myself if/when he comes back around, but the truth would be, “I’ve been feeling hurt, sad and rejected since you broke up with me and I really want you to adore me again” but I don’t think that will engender the response I want.

    It’s true — I didn’t know him 3 months ago, but 3 months ago I had another guy who adored me, which was why I kept Blondie on ice for several weeks in the first place…I don’t like not having a man to adore me at the moment…I’ve been keeping busy with work, but it’s not the same as being adored…I get such a charge out of that feeling!

    I can’t help feel like a big part of this thing with Blondie is my fault…you see — I can’t really feel my feelings much of the time…I feel fear a lot (which I’ve gotten really good at hiding) but once I develop feelings for a man, it triggers insecurity and I find myself feeling afraid more than I’d like and I think that’s what runs them off…my abandonment issues surface and I start becoming more accomodating and bam! Next thing you know, I’ve been dumped again!

    Anyway…I need to somehow stop carrying around all this fear…I envy those of you who talk about feeling your energy here and there and dropping it into your pelvis — I just feel varying degrees of a knot in the pit of my stomach most of the time…and it feels so normal, that I barely even notice it — I don’t know how to be any other way!

    It’s so helpful to have you ladies here on the blog to rely on for support…it’s hard to explain the intricacies of my relationships with other people whom I don’t see everday — there’s too much going on to easily recap after a week or two, you know?

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 4:51am

  454. 454: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Oh Lizzie,

    I have felt like giving up so many times… and then I stay with it and my feelings, and then it turns a corner and I feel good again, and somehow that I have reached a new level.

    If you do need a break, take it!

    If you are reading this I just wondered about the dumping thing? I feel curious. I have not needed to ‘dump’ anyone as yet, they have either just kind of fallen off or I have been able to move forward and leave them behind. Otherwise they are still hanging on my horse in one way or another as maybe they still have more to teach me!

    I know Rori suggests speaking our truth even if this is that we don’t want to see a man again so I am curious to see how this works when that time comes for me.

    Maybe Lizzie it was just time for you to change your rotation of men. Mayne the ones that comoe at you now will be at a higher level!

    Pop back and let us know what happens if you feel like it.

    Hugs to you.

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 4:56am

  455. 455: ReneeNo Gravatar says:

    I’m feeling better this morning…still thinking some about Blondie and hoping he contacts me again, but I received a new email this morning from a guy who seems like a “step up” kind of guy and he’s actually kind of cute, so that feels good.

    I also wrote a contract yesterday for a sale on the product I sell, and it looks like that sale’s going to go through — I should find out today. I’ve been working hard to really apply myself at work these past couple of weeks and even though I’m missing going to the game today with Blondie, it’s probably better for me in the grand scheme of things that I’m able to be available to negotiate this contract today — business has been slow this year and every contract is a reason to celebrate!

    I don’t feel the knot in my stomach as deeply as I did yesterday…I usually feel better in the mornings and I’m working on figuring out how to stay in this more peaceful space all day — perhaps I need to cut down on caffeine to avoid feeling that anxiety that seems to overtake me a lot in the evenings.

    Lizzie — I understand how frustrating it is to spend so much of you time/effort on this cd’ing thing, only to have it blow up in your face from time to time. But I really do think that if you hang in there, it will absolutely turn back around for you. Hope you don’t stay away too long!

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 5:50am

  456. 456: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @458: Ella says:
    SVL – re 439

    “I had never done this before I started CD-ing either. And if you read back some of my posts you will see how triggered I have been by letting guys kiss me.
    However Rori does suggest that we open ourselves to men and that there is no issue with kissing guys. Yes, even more than 1… I think she suggests allowing a guy to kiss us the first time he tires, as long as we are not repulsed by them!”

    I believe that “the judging” is something you thought about… 😀 I perceived this because you were maybe thinking that was what I had in mind.

    Not so! 😆 I don’t give a fig about what someone would think about me kissing an army of men! hahahaha. That thought didn’t even enter my head!!!

    I was thinking of ME, what I would FEEL. I’ve only ever been in romantic kissing mode with one guy at a time. That’s what I was thinking. But you never know, I’ve — Hey, actually that’s not true…. Oops, just thought about something….oh, my, hehehe, polaroid photos and all. hahahahah 😆

    Well, well, well, I guess I’ll be all right then…

    maybe I am the “sexy lady vibe” tee hee

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 6:02am

  457. 457: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    444 and 465: I think the other women are sick of me talking about Ryan. :-) Been whining and moaning for 6 months on here now…and that doesn’t even count the 6 months before that, before I found the blog! :-) So I’ll give you the abbreviated version.

    I was exclusive with Ryan for about 10 months in 2009. During that time, I started to listen to Rori’s CD programs, trying to hang on, as more and more uncertainties and issues arose. I couldn’t shift fast enough, and I was operating out of almost a complete lack of experience and training with men.

    He broke my heart in July 2009, leading me on to believe he was on the verge of proposing to me. Instead he said, “It’s just a friendship. I’m not in love with you.” All my hopes, dreams, and love were at their peak, after all the love we had shared. It sliced my heart out and is the worst anyone has ever hurt me.

    The relationship struggled on a few more months, on a friendship level. I was way overfunctioning, initiating all the time, texting tens of times a day. I have been working on breaking my addiction to him for a year. There’s a lot good there, too. I am just giving you a rundown of the bad. His schizophrenia makes him interact in weird, hurtful ways at times.

    He has been coming my direction off and on for about a month now. I initiated after 18 days of not hearing from him.

    I am so thrilled that things turned around last night! Like Rori says…


    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 6:19am

  458. 458: LuzyNo Gravatar says:

    I am amazed how much little changes can make big differences. I change my Profile and wrote a more positive statement and made it about me; and wow here are some of the things some men have wrote to me…
    **”I enjoyed both your profile and pictures…..
    Yes, it would be nice to get to know you.

    **Have a good night Luzy, purple is my favorite color:) That’s a very nice picture.”**

    **you have very beautiful black hair love it! where is you family from? tell me what ever you feel comfortable. by reading you profile I believe we have alot common intrests. Douglas **

    I put a picture of me smiling as my main picture and it seems to atract men more than any ‘sexy” or ‘provocative’ picture
    I will try to put this aproach in the outside world because it seems to work.

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 7:16am

  459. 459: JeannetteNo Gravatar says:

    Brenda, I feel for you….You are acting on your emotions…But, having been there… sometimes we think we really want something when it’s just an illusion. If a great guy came along, say he was like Ryan but whole without the schizophrenia, I think you wold be able to overcome your emotions. I think you care about Ryan in many ways, yes, but some of that might be because it’s been the best you’ve ever had…or at least in a long time. My ex long distance dumped me about a year ago…..Very, very painful…..the lets be friends stuff…..to this day I am shocked because in many ways I thought seriously he was the right one…a great connection…But, I too think he really wants a woman that is unattainable…Someone once told me it’s those men who really don’t like women….the whole intimacy thing…Just make sure you don’t fall into that predicament too Brenda…Just take care of yourself…You are a very beautiful person and VERY intelligent….way more going for you then you’ll ever know…I am so impressed with your wisdom and intelligence. You can move mountains Brenda… God bless you….

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 7:23am

  460. 460: LuzyNo Gravatar says:

    473: Brenda,

    I think you should stop contacting him, if you did good for eighteen days you can do good for another day and another and so on. Go out meet people even if they are not men the idea is to keep yourself busy. I do that when I get disappointed with a man; However I don’t learn and end up making the same mistake when I meet a new man ( I lean forward and try to control the outcome).

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 7:53am

  461. 461: TinaNo Gravatar says:

    OMG! lol

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 8:36am

  462. 462: EllaNo Gravatar says:


    Re 473 –

    Well done honni, you are doing well. YOu are aware and I am glad you feel a shift in the ways things are, whether it ultimately works with him, or whether you find someone else.

    Good to hear that you are learning how to put the focus on you.

    Hugs and good vibes to you. x

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 8:42am

  463. 463: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Owww, I would really like to go out dancing tonight. Preferably with a sexy man, lol…

    I am putting out vibes and calling men to come and take care of my need!

    Rah, boo boo! Ha ha.

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 8:45am

  464. 464: Erika AwakeningNo Gravatar says:

    I feel so angry I don’t even want to riff it out … and as I say that I feel sad

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 8:50am

  465. 465: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Sexy Lady Vibe @471

    ha ha… cool.

    Yes I also was thinking about how I feel in this situation. However the judging thing from others always sneaks back in!

    I definitely have issues around judging and being judged! Lol.


    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 8:54am

  466. 466: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @482: Ella says:
    Sexy Lady Vibe

    ” However the judging thing from others always sneaks back in! …I definitely have issues around judging and being judged! Lol.

    I never thought about anyone accusing me of being bad or not nice…I was thinking “wouldn’t it feel ‘icky'” mainly because it seemed that way to me when I saw those bachelorette type reality shows where the woman kisses one guy after the other and then another. I wasn’t at all offended by the women doing it but I thought I would not like it.

    Now, due to recent consideration,,,I remember I have done it! and more… 😆

    I guess I’ll just go with the flow…

    I don’t like being judged [unfairly] for other things though.


    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 9:05am

  467. 467: GigiNo Gravatar says:


    Brenda: “I am so thrilled that things turned around last night! Like Rori says…


    This feels icky to me. A siren doesn’t need to beg a guy to take her back as “friends only” when she’s in love with him and wants so much more, does she?

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 9:06am

  468. 468: EllaNo Gravatar says:


    I don’t think I have seen the shows where it is that way round. Only the ones where the guy is kissing lots of potential women suitors… and although I felt quite uncomfortable to see women leaning forward that way to get this guy’s attention, the guy seemed to have no issues with kissing lots of hot women! Lol

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 9:09am

  469. 469: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    ok ur feeling angry and u don’t want to riff it out. u just want to say you’re angry? is that right? oh and now ur feeling a little sad too.

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 9:10am

  470. 470: Erika AwakeningNo Gravatar says:

    “judging and being judged”

    That about sums it up. I feel so exasperated by the judging that goes on here, that I’m now judging this site as being judgmental.

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 9:14am

  471. 471: EllaNo Gravatar says:


    I also got this feeling when I read Brenda’s post first of all, however then I thought to myself, well if Brenda genuinly feels a shift in the situation that makes her feel good then it is progress, even if not yet the perfect situation.

    Brenda – sorry to talk about you like you are not here, curious to hear how you will respond, however this was just my feelings process after reading your posts.

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 9:14am

  472. 472: Erika AwakeningNo Gravatar says:

    Yeah, angry and sad. Thanks, Dorothea.

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 9:18am

  473. 473: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @485: Ella says:

    “I don’t think I have seen the shows where it is that way round. Only the ones where the guy is kissing lots of potential women suitors… and although I felt quite uncomfortable to see women leaning forward that way to get this guy’s attention, the guy seemed to have no issues with kissing lots of hot women! Lol”

    Yikes! Am I guilty of using a double standard? Maybe I enjoy being a boy. I like the Bachelorette show better. We also have/had? that here too in US. The woman chooses from about 20 or so guys who compete for her affection and she eliminates one or more each week.

    Heehee. It’s so fun to see the men line up at the end of each show as she calls out the ones who get to stay and gives them each a rose. hahahaha. Gender switch? I’ve watched a couple times not sure Bachelorette is still running; I don’t watch much TV anymore.

    If you can find any of the shows on Internet, you might like to see. Then there is the original Bachelor show, one guy, bunch of woman competing to get that rose!….hmmm, maybe that’s the gender switch…don’t know.


    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 9:28am

  474. 474: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    Erika, I actually deemed you the biggest judge of all. I felt truly disgusted by it. I think we’re all guilty of it to some degree. I am working on not only not judging, but also not coming across as judging when I’m really not being judgmental.

    I am going to acupuncture, see yall later.

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 9:33am

  475. 475: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    deem is a fancy word for judge. dangit.

    judging is overall negative. however, just because something is a judgment doesnt mean it’s not valid. i am hoping that relying on my feelings and knowing whether my intuition is ego driven or god-driven will help clear up this confusion for me in all situations.
    bye for real 😀

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 9:35am

  476. 476: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    484: Gigi says:
    A siren doesn’t need to beg a guy to take her back as “friends only” when she’s in love with him and wants so much more, does she?”

    Nok, but sometimes things don’t go in a straight line kind of way. We all have different needs from moment. Let’s support our sisters in doing the best they can from moment to moment and help keep them on their horses.

    I am not an expert or a coach but I wish Brenda or anyone else heartfelt best wishes as we all work to get what we really want. That chemistry bond is a humdinger! And in this very specific situation I don’t believe texting is going to change the result unless the guy becomes very angry; he seems to be handling it in a civil way according to the texts I saw.

    Of course my beliefs don’t count much for anyone but me.


    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 9:40am

  477. 477: GigiNo Gravatar says:


    I can understand what you are saying. Yet, to me “Being Surprised” in the way Rori talks about it would entail truly getting needs met and feeling loved. This feels icky and like taking crumbs if that is all a guy is willing to give. I know that I have my own work in this area…trigger…

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 9:43am

  478. 478: GigiNo Gravatar says:

    SLV,Ella, Brenda,

    Yes, I always wish all sirens well!

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 9:46am

  479. 479: ReneeNo Gravatar says:

    I’m really working hard to feel my energy today and it feels like it’s shifted some…most of the time, when I notice, it, it’s a knot in the pit of my stomach, but now it’s more of a glowing sensation that’s both in my diaphragm area and maybe a little in my uterus. What does that sound like to you?

    When I think of the word “fear” today, that’s not what I feel like resonates, but I can’t seem to put my finger on what exactly I am feeling today. I think only having a little caffeine first thing this morning is really helping with the anxiety over the Blondie situation (oooh! just now, when I typed the word “Blondie”, I just got a pang of fear in my stomach)…trying to lower my energy into my pelvic region…doing deep breathing and thinking positive thoughts.

    Wow — it is so hard to not let fear creep into my feelings…I just saw a Lowe’s appliances commercial and that gave me a pang of fear too because my dishwasher’s broken and I really can’t afford to replace it right now…so the fear over my financial situation looming overhead surfaced when I saw that commercial.

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 9:57am

  480. 480: Erika AwakeningNo Gravatar says:

    Yeah, par for the course here.

    Dorothea offers empathy, and then when I thank her for it, she judges me. Absolutely classic pattern here.

    The judgment I have is, “nobody on this blog actually wants to get over their problems. In fact, they go out of their way to do everything that won’t ever work because they like their problems.”

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 10:05am

  481. 481: Erika AwakeningNo Gravatar says:

    Another judgment, “it’s no wonder they have so many problems with men.”

    Yes, I feel livid.

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 10:06am

  482. 482: DeniseNo Gravatar says:

    What do we do to calm our fears?

    The fear instilled by a commercial?

    The fear he won’t call back or the fear he will?

    The fear of Perfect Man texting me writing “call ya ‘morrow”

    The fear that it’s Saturday Night tonight and I do not have a clue whether he will call me in time for a date. We have always been together on Saturday night, until last week, when I went to the theatre without him. My fear.

    The fear that he thinks I had a date. His fear.

    The fear of an email from a online potential date stranger that he writes me this dribble:

    “G—d ur so sexy I want thatso bad, just one nite that all i ask for :) and thats it dont know anyone down here help me out and thats all i ask for”

    His fear? Does he think that will reel me in? I don’t think so!

    I fear bad grammar.

    The fear that CD from out of town who wants to have lunch today has not called me yet to make a plan. And it’s lunch time from where I write.

    Fear is a four letter word!

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 10:08am

  483. 483: LuzyNo Gravatar says:


    I was texting a guy that contacted me online and he sent me a picture of his penis! WTF! I did not even give him signs of being sexually attracted to him. We were just chatting and then Bam!!! that picture…lol
    I told him to never contact me again and now he says his cousin sent that picture not him and that he deeply apologize. I call it BS and I am freaking out with this CD thing. Ugh! Why me?

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 10:09am

  484. 484: Erika AwakeningNo Gravatar says:

    And another thought: “why would any man put up with the judging that goes on here? He wouldn’t, unless he had very low self-esteem himself.”

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 10:09am

  485. 485: DeniseNo Gravatar says:


    My damsel in distress! I am going to repeat what I said yesterday early morning,in glee:

    “Lizzie- Ride- Lizzie- Ride!”

    I don’t want you to go. I Feel I Will Miss You. I know you are headed in the right direction. Ride well!

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 10:24am

  486. 486: DeniseNo Gravatar says:

    Ugh, yuck, icky, Luzy! I guy did almost the same (not that bad) to me in a text after many nice emails, and I just said
    – ” I don’t”. That was that.

    I just don’t want to see naked body parts. None, not one. Not half, not whole. Not any section, not any abbreviation. Nothing.


    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 10:26am

  487. 487: LuzyNo Gravatar says:

    503: Denise

    He sent me a text after I told him I’m no longer interested, he said

    “”I DEEPLY APOLOGIZE!”” My Cousin got my phone he is staying with me. I would never do that!!! I respect you and find you very nice. I understand if you no longer want to talk to me, but please understand it was not me””

    Maybe I am being Judgmental, but I feel he was testing the waters to see if I was a potential ‘booty call’ or a future NSA relationship…yuck I blocked him out of my site and everywhere. I will trust my gut feelings this time.

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 10:36am

  488. 488: Turtle GirlNo Gravatar says:


    Wow. I feel what is up with you right now. I really do. You care about these women and getting their stuff worked out and getting right with their bodies and their emotions and getting healthy. Maybe a little co dependent almost? I don’t know.

    I know that I can feel judgmental when really I think I am just caring. It can be a fine line there. I have a good friend who has lots of “issues” that I don’t have and sometimes I just do not understand why she can’t just be this way or be that way, why she stays stuck in her problem and yet it takes what it take FOR HER. I have to keep that in mind and well, it takes what it takes for me as well.

    This is hard for me really hard sometimes, we can always see other peoples sh*t with more clarity than our own. It is why we need each other and why we help one another in so many ways. I love that you care so much. I also see that you are yes being judgmental. Not a judgement! :o) lol xxooo hugs

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 10:55am

  489. 489: RoseNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Ladies!

    Oohh Renee I loved your last post, you are really feeling your feelings there..I have to say this has been something that has always been an issue for me..I notice alot of my feelings are also identified as “fear”..I feel good that I can recognize that..

    I feel like Blondie is not toxic, he has a lot of insecurities about himself and of course his relationship with you..I am sure he’ll be coming around again…

    I’m thinking about you…Tinque..


    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 10:56am

  490. 490: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @Turtle Girl

    Hi! I was admiring you yesterday when I wrote you the long post that [gulp] disappeared…


    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 10:59am

  491. 491: tinqueNo Gravatar says:

    Rose :) xxoo

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 11:21am

  492. 492: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    I feel angry reading Erika’s judgements.

    note to self: when i have judgements, I want to notice them, but expressing them to others, even in the spirit of honesty, is not what i want, i want to express my Feeelings, because i’m not “dreaming” those

    and then again maybe i want to express my judgements here, since it’s for my therapy, and just LOOK at them hehe…

    so yeah they felt bad cuz they were triggering my wounds and stuff about being attacked


    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 11:32am

  493. 493: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    I like it – it feels so encouraging to my joyful self – NO Judgements, place here, hmm i can intend and practice this

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 11:33am

  494. 494: HoneyNo Gravatar says:

    Luzy –

    That’s BS his cousin sent the picture. How the hel* did his cousin get a picture of his ding dong? He’s an exhibitionist. Text him back that it is too small, so you’re not interested! Oh, I’m mean. Just kidding. But it would serve him right. That was just SO WRONG!

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 11:35am

  495. 495: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    I just read the Toltec 4 agreements – SO Rori, and i’m feeling still easily aware that life is a dream and that anything i think is not real and i can rewrite

    so sharing emotions is just to let someone know where i am at in the dream, no reason to insist on the dream details, because its a Dream, its not even true

    you hit me is not even true

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 11:37am

  496. 496: HoneyNo Gravatar says:

    Renee –

    I just relate to your posts so much. I’m CDing right now with no special guy. But I know that once I’m hooked on someone special, that’s where I get tripped up.

    I notice I’m feeling anxious about you and Blondie. Maybe I’m just wanting it to work out because I have been in the place you are in. I have to ask myself why I would feel anxious over someone else’s situation. I am high on the empathy scale so maybe that’s it.

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 11:38am

  497. 497: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Sexy Lady Vibe – I like it! my new name for you!!

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 11:39am

  498. 498: HoneyNo Gravatar says:

    Sirens –

    Had a great CD last night…it was a 3rd date and I was gonna cut him loose. But then he laid this big kiss on me and WOW! I guess there is some chemistry there after all. I like this part about “surprises”.

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 11:39am

  499. 499: janjuneNo Gravatar says:

    hi ella!
    glad you’re *catching* my posts,
    I’m catching yours too.
    wish you were here, we could go out on the town and kick up our heels and flirt with the “boys” :)!

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 11:42am

  500. 500: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Brenda – about things turning around… are you referring to your reaching out to Ryan ?

    is it possible you’re avoiding looking at the icky feelings triggered by that?

    i felt awful, small, and humiliated reading it…

    did you feel some of this too?

    along with the euphoria of anxieties relaxing?

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 11:42am

  501. 501: DeniseNo Gravatar says:

    SLV- Thanks for the Five O’Clock Club.

    Here is an inspiring tidbit from the site, which, has nothing really to do with landing a job, but I simply enjoy this!

    Quote of the Day:

    “The opposite of love is not hate, it’s indifference. The opposite of art is not ugliness, it’s indifference. The opposite of faith is not heresy, it’s indifference. And the opposite of life is not death, it’s indifference.”

    by Elie Wiesel

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 11:43am

  502. 502: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    YAy surprises…

    my CD tried the “what would you say if i said i feel like kissing you right now?”

    and i felt super feminine so out came “awww (like i saw something cute) BIG SMILE look in his eye” “i don’t know!” giggle and turn away

    i was answering his question literally hehe

    he didn’t wind up kissing me, but if he does i feel open

    i don’t know what to say if he says he “feels like kissing me” lol

    except apparently “AWWW”

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 11:45am

  503. 503: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    He taught me to have a breakfast of a carb and protein mix 30 min within waking up… this will fuel me the whole day (having lunch later) and keep my energy steadier

    i just ate this breakfast and feel Very strong!

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 11:47am

  504. 504: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Brenda – ohhh… i see… the NEW exchange is what you’re happy about.

    yes Ryan seems very responsive to feeling messages

    i still feel – not icky like the first one so much –

    but just kinda sad, and a little hopeless, and not very big

    it feels better than that first text exchange

    from the way Ryan responds to feeling messages, he sounds VERY masculine and caring…

    i would think that once the vibe shift starts happening he might start pursuing

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 11:53am

  505. 505: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    514: Daria says:
    “Sexy Lady Vibe – I like it! my new name for you!!”

    I kinda like it too. All thanks to Laughing Goddess.

    @Luzy @Honey

    The cousin might have sent a pic of himself but i think it was sent by the CD guy. Sometimes I think guys are clueless and just so proud of themselves.

    I’ve been scouting CL ads and I just saw a pic of a teeny little Black penis. It was cute but imagining a guy being so proud of the little thing was just so funny… He had the nerve to post a pic of it… I’m laughing so hard now can hardly type. 😆


    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 11:58am

  506. 506: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    30 min after breakfast im havng a single scoop whey protein shake

    – per CD’s suggestion which felt good to me too –

    cuz i want to have a nice smooth layer of fat on me

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 12:00pm

  507. 507: HoneyNo Gravatar says:

    Women are taught to hate and criticize their bodies. Men always love theirs no matter what they look like. And they are always so proud of their penises!

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 12:02pm

  508. 508: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    518: Denise says:
    “SLV- Thanks for the Five O’Clock Club.”

    You’re welcome. That’s one thing that’s great about the books, fabulous quotes and stories on every page! You are never too far away from inspiration while you are learning how to change your career or get one.



    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 12:03pm

  509. 509: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Sexy Lady Vibe – i feel really good when i read and notice your very open and non judgemental attitude about men… (and their drive to share peni photography with women they like)

    That works powerfully for me – the attitude – the photos, only to say lol men haha

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 12:03pm

  510. 510: janjuneNo Gravatar says:

    hi erika!

    i feel happy for you that you are in touch with this trigger erika

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 12:10pm

  511. 511: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    So, I posted last night that I got really triggered by something and handled it differently than I normally would…

    Here’s what happened. I’m gonna post the texts between LI and I. I feel nervous but I’m gonna do it.

    Him: there has been something on my mind love. how come u know what the tree guys sign is? were u flirting?

    Me: No silly. I miss you love

    Him: ok, I trust u. just made me think. i love u sooo much that my mind wanders some times.

    Me: Lovey love. No worries. I feel very happy with you. I tell you how I know in person. It’s too long to type.

    Him: i love u ! buenas noches miel. sending hugs and kisses ur way! u make me tingle :)

    Me: I feel worried that you are making something up in your head so you have an excuse to flirt with the women there

    Him: no lover, why mess up a divine connection?

    Here is where I started freaking out in my head. I got super triggered thinking about him looking for an excuse to flirt with the women there. So I just laid there and meditated and followed my thoughts and the feelings they were creating. And breathed. It was really intense for me. Inside I was totally freaking out. So triggered.

    Me: I’m meditating on my love for you and trying to get back in the vortex. I kicked myself out with that last thought…about the excuse.

    Him: thanks baby! lets move 2 the vortex and retire there 4 eva

    Me: I like that idea. Let’s do it!

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 12:11pm

  512. 512: JeannetteNo Gravatar says:

    I soooo want to get over this. My fiance came by again with two of my grown kids here and only says hi and how are you….I even tried to include him in the conversation and he just sort of sits there…Very, very shy…I just don’t know what to say to him that won’t offend him. It’s a touchy subject because people take it personally. I think he thinks he’s talking by just saying hello and exchanging pleasantries. Any ideas?

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 12:12pm

  513. 513: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    526: Daria says:

    “Sexy Lady Vibe – i feel really good when i read and notice your very open and non judgemental attitude about men… (and their drive to share peni photography with women they like)
    That works powerfully for me – the attitude – the photos, only to say lol men haha”

    Well…it was sort of judgmental;–are you making fun of me? That’s OK if you are, Idon’t mind, 😆 i couldn’t stop giggling but I would never laugh at a man and if it were my man i’d love whatever he had (but I hope he would have a bit more, just a bit, more than was in the pic)

    And if you don;t believe go take a look, i wont post that kind of link here but it’s in CL Philadelphia, personals M4w Fri oct 22 “its friday nite i am ready and so r u”

    At least I’m on topic: “He Makes Me Laugh” 😆


    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 12:14pm

  514. 514: HoneyNo Gravatar says:

    I cancelled a date with a new CD for tonight. I forgot that I have to take my daughter to an arts festival (actually I need to go after this post). But I’m glad. I liked him on the phone but then he was getting all clingy and insecure and I felt icky thinking about him. And then I thought about how I’ve been this way with guys I’ve been involved with in the past…man, they must have felt really creeped out. I want to yell at this guy, “Have some confidence, Man, it’s only a freakin’ date! Be a MAN!” Ick. I was feeling like I should meet him for coffee this week since I broke the date, but I’m not going to. He’s newly divorced and too clingy. I don’t need to make everyone happy…I just need to treat them with respect and honesty. Many men will respond to the siren’s call, I need to “stand in my power, and then say, which one is worthy of me?” Oh, I like that. I feel powerful. I get to choose.

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 12:15pm

  515. 515: HoneyNo Gravatar says:

    SLV –

    That makes me laugh, too, especially along with what he wrote. Hey, at least he’s honest about what he’s looking for. Ya gotta respect that!

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 12:16pm

  516. 516: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Part of why I feel so triggered is because of the dynamic of us worrying about the other flirting. I feel responsible for starting that. This is a dynamic I want to transform.

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 12:18pm

  517. 517: LuzyNo Gravatar says:

    @Senior Lady Vibe

    LOL thanks for the laugh! Yes men can be clueless, I wonder what his message was for me? I am using my siren sense now lol. This is the first phone text contact after I re-opened my profile, it was weird because I can spot men like that, but he seemed so serious.

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 12:19pm

  518. 518: HoneyNo Gravatar says:

    I think it’s funny that guys often don’t think that size matters. It matters to me, but of course, I pretend that it doesn’t. I would never reject a man cuz of a teenie penie, but if we get to that point and it’s small, I can help but think, “Oh sh*t.” I’m disappointed and I feel judgmental of myself for feeling that. How hypocritical is that? I would feel bad if a guy had critical thoughts about my body. This is one feelings statement that I would NOT make!

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 12:21pm

  519. 519: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Yes, I don’t want flirting exclusivity. Just sexual exclusivity. I feel excited to clear this up with him when he comes back.

    Btw, vortex is an Abraham term that we use for being in a good feeling place.

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 12:22pm

  520. 520: HoneyNo Gravatar says:

    LG –

    What’s an “Abraham term”?

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 12:23pm

  521. 521: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @533 LG

    “…worrying about the other flirting.”

    I don’t know what this means…


    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 12:25pm

  522. 522: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    I’m open to feedback if anyone wants to share.

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 12:25pm

  523. 523: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Honey: Abraham Hicks, they are teachers about the law of attraction. A huge influence for me.

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 12:27pm

  524. 524: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @535 Honey

    I’ve only had the teeny disappointment once. But going in the other direction is even worse!


    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 12:27pm

  525. 525: SweetpeaNo Gravatar says:


    Re: #468 – I really identify with what you say here. I have beat myself up unmercifully in the past for “chasing guys off” by doing various things surrounding my fear of abandonment. It feels soooo horrible. The abandonment issues feel horrible and my reaction to them felt horrible.

    I’m happy to say that I’ve moved past a lot of that thanks to the tools. But even as recently as last weekend I did the old obsessive routine. Thankfully , it was not as horrible as in the past, but it was overwhelming nonetheless. I was terrified mostly that I was going to fall into that old pattern again. What I did (finally – after a couple hours of freaking out. I was even freaking out while I was CDing myself.) Was just sit with those emotions. I sat with them and just felt them, and as I did so, I noticed that other feelings were coming up as well. I just tried to identify them and sat with them, too. And I told myself it was ok to feel all of that old stuff – it was actually a good thing to feel it.

    This was the kind of night that, a year ago, I would have been up most of the night journaling, trying to contact the guy and fighting those feelings. And I found that THAT was the key. I didn’t fight the feelings, I instead gave them free rein to course through my body and through my mind and I acknowledged and embraced them. Next thing I knew, I was feeling good feelings, too. I had feelings of peace and happiness and feelings of contentment and then I just KNEW I would be okay. No matter what. I feel so great now knowing that I can walk through that dark valley and find the light on the other side. And I went to bed that night and slept like a baby.

    Hang in there. Right now, I’m listening to a Rori cd and heard something else that might help you to “unblock” your mind – saying the mantra, over and over, “I deserve love. I deserve love. I deserve love.” Hope there is something here that might helps you.

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 12:32pm

  526. 526: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Sexy Lady Vibe:

    Well I feel disturbed by the insecurity we both have about each other flirting. He was worried that I was flirting with the tree guy and I was worried that he was using that to flirt with the woman that are where he is right now. He’s on a retreat and there are some women there.

    I just don’t like this insecurity we both have. Who cares if I flirt or if he flirts. I want to feel trust.

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 12:32pm

  527. 527: janjuneNo Gravatar says:

    ***RIFFING**** :)

    ….as for judgments or people directing other people on how they should feel, or one goddess scolding, chiding, embarrassing, ridiculing, correcting, bossing, directing another goddess
    or goddesses getting together and ganging up on another goddess,
    or trying to get rid of another goddess by
    mounting a campaign against her cuz they don’t like what she says or how she says her truth
    or going offline to agree to not talk to someone
    or not respond to their questions
    or going offline to put their heads together to decide who’s going to go to rori to have another goddess banished from the blog etc…

    i’m working my way through it too.
    i’m winning :). with myself. :)
    it only very slightly irritates me now…
    whereas at first it threw me into total trigger mode, wig-out mode, tizzie mode…
    it totally irritated, aggravated and agitated me!
    i’d go into “this-must-be-stopped mode”… :) haha

    once i began really getting a handle on *MY* trigger, it’s *MY* trigger, people are going to *DO* this, this is life, heres *why* i’m triggered, deal with this old wound, janjune…
    its not the people triggering you janjune,
    you don’t even know these people,
    they can besaydo whatever they want
    it doesn’t have to affect you
    because its not about you janjune
    its about *WHY* you are triggered.
    this is just the *clinic* for healing that trigger….

    ..i do actually see the humor in these things now though… i mean in people trying to exert control over other people
    my thought to myself… ya might as well try to stop the Mississippi river with a teacup

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 12:34pm

  528. 528: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    I think I’d better go take cold shower break… :lol

    On further consideration, maybe that guy was not being overly prideful and getting a little giggle from me for it… Oh, Lord maybe he was just being very honest from the start so as not to disappoint. Oh, that’s seeing things in a different light and I’m sorry if I was judgmental.

    I was thinking OK for me to giggle because it was inappropriate pic to post that kind of ad and I’m so sick of seeeing them and he therefore deserved a giggle…Hmmm

    I’m sorry now. A little.


    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 12:35pm

  529. 529: Simply ShannonNo Gravatar says:

    LG, the flirt worry thing sounds like fear to me. Fear that he will flirt with another who he likes more. To flip it though I wonder… do you fear that you will flirt with another who you like more? Maybe projecting?

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 12:37pm

  530. 530: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Wow! I’m getting some realizations about why I got so triggered. Part of it is the trust thing. I would like for us to really trust each other.

    And part of it is a law of attraction thing. When I started thinking of him using his concern over me flirting with the tree guy as an excuse to flirt with woman I freaked out.

    Abraham would say the freaking out feelings are an indicator that I’m thinking about (and therefore creating) something that isn’t in alignment with what I want.

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 12:39pm

  531. 531: NikitaNo Gravatar says:


    :) Good Morning :)

    Um……you mean you told an ARIES that you noticed there were actually OTHER men on the planet?!?!?!??????? Oh em gee.

    Lol! You’re WILD !!!!!!!!!! Lol!
    Out of CONTROL crazayyyyy :)

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 12:40pm

  532. 532: Simply ShannonNo Gravatar says:

    I just had the most amazing and exhausting experience of my life. I attended a festival for healing and spiritual awareness. A woman did a reading on me and WOW. It was so dead-on as to be unnerving. And she believed in God and talked to me about it. It’s like all my judgments about a) Christians and b) this whole other “out there” stuff went out the door. This feels fascinating. I have so much to learn. Wow!! I feel so inspired and scared because this path feels completely new and untraveled. What will my Christian friends say and what will my family say? So many judgments.

    This path feels right. God will not be contained in a pretty little box. He is HUGE. Oh my. Excited!!

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 12:43pm

  533. 533: janjuneNo Gravatar says:

    i just broke my date with the sunday night date man.

    i got that vibey feeling.
    i listened to it.

    thank you, love you rori

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 12:45pm

  534. 534: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Shannon – Wow this feels exciting to me reading about it!! awesome… tell me more when it comes to u

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 12:46pm

  535. 535: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    SS: thanks! That’s definitely something to consider. The fear thing. It seems like we both have some fear and insecurity.

    Mostly tho, I feel happy about the way I handled it. I just stopped and meditated and followed my feelings. And it was really intense. I feel surprised by how intensely I got triggered. But I feel happy that I just sat with it and felt it.

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 12:47pm

  536. 536: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    Sometimes I’m cheered when words spoken or written by someone else resonate with me exactly and vibrate like a tuning fork. I think, that’s it; that’s it exactly.

    Here are some I read this morning on the Terry Hernon MacDonald’s Dating Advice (Almost) Blog

    Words taken out of context:

    “I deserve a guy who wants a relationship.
    I deserve a guy who goes out of his way to spend time with me.
    I deserve a guy who loves me and never lets me forget it.”

    ~ Terry Hernon MacDonald


    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 12:48pm

  537. 537: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Nikita: Ya, we were talking about the tree work and I told him one was an Aries hottie but that it I was happy to have my own Aries hottie. You think that was a bad idea?

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 12:53pm

  538. 538: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    Yes :)

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 12:56pm

  539. 539: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @543: Laughing Goddess says:

    “…I just don’t like this insecurity we both have. Who cares if I flirt or if he flirts. I want to feel trust.”

    There was something in the Rori “Perfect Man” post. The one quality was feeling happy, safe and secure when we are with the guy and also when we are not. Doesn’t the idea of that kind of feeling seem cozy, lovely, yummy and wonderfully liberating?

    I’m looking for that.


    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 12:57pm

  540. 540: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    SS: I feel intrigued, curious, and excited to hear more about your experience.

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 12:57pm

  541. 541: janjuneNo Gravatar says:

    one man stepped up big time. i was hoping he would, but it would have been totally alright if he hadn’t.
    (hes from my area, went to high school in my area, lives about 10 miles away, liked his profile alot)

    i asked him for something i wanted.
    i was interested to see if he would change what he said he wanted and give it to me.
    he did!
    woohoo! small victory, but victorious nonetheless :)

    he wanted to emailtextimphone for eons
    i told him
    “i don’t feel safe giving all kinds of personal information to people i don’t know…. so i just don’t! ”
    i told him i feel safer meeting people fairly quickly for a 15 minute cup of coffee or a quick beer and asked him what he thought.

    he wrote back that he doesn’t like doing it that way… but, he said,
    “what the heck, janjune, if it makes you feel safer i will do it the way you would like. where does it feel safe to you to meet me?”

    heehee :)

    i think they like it when we tell em what we want!

    ….uh, yeh, didn’t rori say that? haha

    ooooooh i like it when a man cares what i want and steps up to make it happen for me :)

    pelvis region beginning to dance again :)

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 1:01pm

  542. 542: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    I don’t want to judge your ideas as bad. I just think his reaction was understandable. I’d expect the convo to turn that way……as opposed to a direct compliment. This sort of exchange feels a bit like saying, ” if you weren’t in my life I’d totally be hooking up with the tree guy.”
    Does that feel complimentary to you?

    Or….” if I wasn’t banging you, I’d totally be banging Pam Anderson right now “.

    As a girl, I’d be like -uh, gee, thanks?

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 1:01pm

  543. 543: SweetpeaNo Gravatar says:

    Renee, re:#472,

    Funny. I’ve been listening to a Rori program where she talks about “emotional soup.” She says we will notice as we get in touch with our feelings, that in the midst of feeling fear and desperation, we’ll see something and think, “oh. How sweet.” Basically she talked about what you were saying being a sign of growth. Of course none of this is verbatim, but it sounds to me like you’re making progress. So, even though you feel unstable, congratulations for getting through to that stuff!

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 1:10pm

  544. 544: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    So, here are 10 steps to change your thinking
    and truly get his attention:

    1. If a man wants to see you, he figures a way to
    make time.

    2. If he knows you’re always sitting at home
    waiting for him, he loses the MOTIVATION to call
    you and see you because you’re “always there.”

    So don’t jump to the conclusion that he’s just
    “so busy.”

    And don’t jump to the conclusion that he
    doesn’t want you.

    It could be a combination of simply losing the
    motivation to work hard to get you.

    So, what’s the answer?

    The age-old solution for this kind of thing
    has always been “playing hard to get.”

    And playing ANYTHING never works.

    You can’t “play” hard-to-get.

    3. You have to BE hard-to-get.

    That means you get yourself a life – sports,
    volunteer work. Really see if you can become
    happier and more successful in your work, and

    This is what my powerful Tool “Circular
    Dating” is all about.

    4. At 3 months, there’s absolutely NO reason to
    be exclusive – especially if a man is not doing
    the job he’s SUPPOSED to do.

    I know this sounds hard and confusing, because
    it’s something we women have been trained NOT to
    do, but Circular Dating makes it easy, because
    it’s not just about “dating.”

    5. Circular Date!

    Circular Dating is about using every single
    moment you spend with ANY man – even if he’s just
    behind the counter at a store or standing in line
    with you at the coffee shop, and especially if
    he’s sitting across from you or next to you on an
    actual date – to HELP you get to your Happy Ever
    After with your Mr. Right.

    Even if you’re WITH your Mr. Right right now,
    Circular Dating will help you stay sane, stay
    powerful, lift your “Degree of Difficulty” and
    compel him to sew you up into a commitment…or
    risk losing you.

    All without you having to even TALK about “the
    relationship” with him!

    6. Be curious about every man you see – young,
    old, handsome, not handsome, wherever you see him.

    7. Smile, but don’t paste it on.

    If you’re feeling low, feel low. And allow
    yourself to smile at a puppy you see, at a pretty
    picture on a wall that you see, at a nice man
    who’s looking at you.

    8. Feel what you feel – even if it’s
    embarrassment, awkwardness, anger or

    Don’t pretend you don’t feel something you

    9. Speak what you feel.

    This means, “I feel so weird with all this
    silence…” if he’s really, really quiet, instead
    of trying to keep up both sides of the

    Or “I’m just going to stand here until you
    tell me what to do…” if he’s indecisive.

    10. Engage

    Touch things. The table. The arms of your
    chair, your hair, your body, and…

    Keep eye contact.

    Even if it’s scary, hang in there and keep
    looking at him for 5 seconds.

    Make it a game for yourself. Say to yourself
    “I can feel terrified, but I’m still going to
    look him in the eye for 5 seconds…”

    These 10 steps will help you get more involved
    with the world and the other men who are out
    there, instead of focusing on the one man you’re
    seeing. This will shift the energy dynamic in
    your relationship so completely that he’ll sit up
    and take notice.

    He’ll pay attention to you.

    True attention – not just to be polite.

    And if you keep these steps going, you’ll find
    him starting to follow you around and give you
    the true attention you deserve – ALL the time.


    Exclusivity has to come at a price – for HIM.

    YOU are the prize.

    He has to work hard and be careful and take
    good care of you in order for you to close down
    all your other options in men out there.

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 1:11pm

  545. 545: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Nikita: ya, I see your point. I can see how it wouldn’t feel good to hear. I don’t think it would bother me if I heard it. I might take it as a compliment. I know there are lots of beautiful, attractive women out there and I feel happy he is choosing me. But ya, I can understand how it would trigger him…especially with him being out of town and all. I also told him someone else asked me out the day before.

    He’s been so sweet too. Calling or texting every morning and night. *sigh*

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 1:14pm

  546. 546: JoriNo Gravatar says:

    Quick and simple questions here…I’m still in Itty-Bitty Baby Step here;

    Guy at local shop asks if I want to go out sometime (about a week ago). I give him my number.

    He texts. I give short reply.

    I (maybe foolishly) text him next day saying I was on road and couldn’t really reply. We then text back and forth…he asks what I like to do, when will I be available, etc. I finally text that “I have to go now” because it was too much texting for me and plan never solidified.

    That was 3-4 days ago…no further communication.

    We got to the point of agreeing on a time on Monday.

    It is now Saturday.

    It feels uncomfortable to me now if:
    …he does text or call to make a real plan for Monday (too last minute)
    …if he contacts me again some other time to make new arrangement if Monday passes by
    …if he doesn’t contact me, but I have to see him eventually because I shop there (how to be when I see him? what if he brings Monday up? what if he asks again?)

    One of the members replied that he seems like a player. My gut is he is a little shy.

    Also, I don’t really care much if he and I go out, I just feel a little embarrassed as if I didn’t lean back enough. Was sending friendly texts back and forth leaning forward?

    I would just like to learn here.

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 1:18pm

  547. 547: SweetpeaNo Gravatar says:


    I don’t know how to say this without sounding judgmental, but please know, I am not judging in anyway. I’m trying to learn and since I feel like I’m in a similar space to you right now, I’m curious about your take on this. Isn’t flirting supposed to be part of our CDing every guy we meet? I’ve been flirting my tush off. And it feels really good until the guy starts getting too serious about it. That’s what I’m working on right now, (and I think it’s HUGE for me), is being able to share that I feel uncomfortable when I start feeling this way. I don’t tell them because I don’t know how to tell them, “you’re taking this all too seriously for me. I’m just flirting, not looking to go home with you,” in a soft, goddessy way.

    Sigh. It was all so much easier when I could just tell them, “I have a boyfriend.” Sorry you were feeling triggered. He sounds pretty devoted to me. Flirting is pretty innocent though, in my mind. And I feel thankful for that, because I used to feel really pissy about it when my guy would flirt in front of me. Of course, I think I would still find it pretty disrespectful for a guy to flirt in front of me.

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 1:25pm

  548. 548: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:


    “There was something in the Rori “Perfect Man” post. The one quality was feeling happy, safe and secure when we are with the guy and also when we are not. Doesn’t the idea of that kind of feeling seem cozy, lovely, yummy and wonderfully liberating?
    There was something in the Rori “Perfect Man” post. The one quality was feeling happy, safe and secure when we are with the guy and also when we are not. Doesn’t the idea of that kind of feeling seem cozy, lovely, yummy and wonderfully liberating?”

    Yes, it does! And normally that’s how I feel. And I think that’s why I got so triggered…because I started doubting him. Not based on his behavior but based on my own insecurities, and mental stories, and projection. And then my emotions jumped in to tell me….”no no no. You’re following a path you don’t want to go on”.

    Does that make sense?

    P.s. Thanks for the feedback :-)

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 1:28pm

  549. 549: JeannetteNo Gravatar says:

    Girls, here I go again. From # 529….Does anyone have any good feeling messages that I can use on Mr. Shy Guy? I just want to do this right….he’s very sweet and I would like to help him, not hinder him in his social progress…..Thank-you for any and all input!

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 1:30pm

  550. 550: NikitaNo Gravatar says:


    I don’t give sweetums ALL of the gory details……..he asks if I had fun…I say, yes…..I don’t say, omg I went to this suuuuuuuuuuuuper fancy place to have a glass of wine and met a lady who introduced me to a man who was having dinner but wanted all of my stuff on his tab….then another older Oman showed up wearing what looked like an EIGHT carat diamond and she brought this man she had just met to the fancy place and we started chatting about relationships and then we got hungry and he wanted us to eat….so she said to the maitre d we want a table….then we all sat and ordered beautiful food….and ate and drank and he paid for everything while the guy who had covered my bar tab (champagnes) watched as he had his dinner(businessy-that he did invite me to) then we met the governor(of a different state) who everyone was waiting to say hello to after he finished his dinner at another table……then we all had coffee and the older woman insisted the man escort me and pay for my taxi….he did….and then I cam home.

    No, my Aries/bull has Zero desire to hear the details…..I might like details too (lots of Gemini planets) but I learned from experience that this stuff sort of puts him on the defensive.

    ……so, was hanging with friends and yes we had lots of fun 😉

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 1:34pm

  551. 551: ReneeNo Gravatar says:

    Rose, Honey and SweetPea — Thank you for your empathy with my situation. I suspect it’s easy to relate to because we’ve all had that guy who chased us like the dickens in the beginning, only to end up running away once he actually caught us.

    I’m wondering if I’m somehow responsible for creating this dynamic in our relationship where we switched from his chasing me to me convincing him we should stay together. I didn’t really realize I was doing that at the time, though, because it just seemed like he needed some reassurance of my feeliings towards him with the whole “you’re going to meet someone better than me” thing, you know? But at this point, it is what it is…if he does come back around (does txting me yesterday count as him coming back around?), I know I’m not going to go out of my way to let him know I care…

    I read Bob Grant’s “How to Get Him Back” book, which, by the way, echoes a lot of Rori’s teaching about being in touch with your feelings and sharing them with a man. He has a specific set of steps he advises women to take to get a man back after you’ve broken up, starting with: being light and airy when he calls you again and keeping that first convo to only 10 minutes. He says even if the guy brings up “the relationship” during that first convo, you should say something like, “oh, that’s such a serious topic, why don’t you tell me more about your business trip?” He says the point of this is to replace his last bad memories he has of your break-up convos with something pleasant, even if it’s not that exciting. And limiting it to 10 mins is so that you can leave him wanting more and he figures anyone can stay calm and collected for 10 mins, which is the attitude he wants you to have.

    He then says to keep things light and fun for the next couple of convos and even if he asks to see you. He says not to discuss “the relationship” until after you’ve kind of re-established things and everything’s going well.

    The big thing he says that I kind of have a problem with is that basically you don’t ever have sex with the guy again unless/until you get married and that having sex with him again at this point will virtually guarantee that he’ll lose his fascination with you again, which he says is the real reason he broke up with you in the first place.

    His whole take on the reason men leave is that initially, when they were chasing you, they thought you were “expensive” — worthy of putting a lot of effort into getting. But at some point, either through things you did/said or possibly just by the mere fact that you had sex with him without him having to step up and commit to you first, you lowered your value in his eyes and the key to keeping him intrigued enough to hang on and continue to pursue you in the future is to just not have sex.

    I’m really confused about this point…what Bob says does resonate to a certain extent — I mean, I can see that in the past, when an old boyfriend has tried to get back together with me that he stopped pursuing me as intently once we resumed having sex. On the other hand, Rori says that with the right guy, it doesn’t matter when you have sex because he’s going to continue to value you anyway (assuming, I guess, that you’re at your sireny best when you do agree to have sex).

    Even before I read Bob’s book, I was thinking that if Blondie did start coming around again, I would make him wait quite a while before we resumed having sex — and not entirely to “punish” him for having been stupid enough to dump me in the first place (although if I’m truthful with myself, there is a hint of that in my reasoning here) but also to protect myself because I do tend to get “hooked” once sex enters the picture.

    I know there are some women on here who want to wait until they’re married to have sex, and I respect that belief, but I want to be able to have sex with someone before that time — not only because I want to see if we’re compatible (Blondie and I are) but also because it’s something I really enjoy and it seems silly to deprive myself of sex for what could be a year or longer while he determines whether he want to marry me. I think I could possibly hold out for a month or two, but I honestly don’t see how I could hold out 6 months to a year while waiting for a proposal, but I’m curious what you guys think. Is “holding out” just a manipulative way of keeping a man’s interest going for you (to keep him in “pursuit” mode), or is it more like Rori says — if it’s the right guy, it won’t matter if/when you have sex because he’ll continue to want to pursue you anyway?

    I’m thinking the key might be that you’re all grounded and sireny and stuff, but based on how much fear I’ve been walking around with, I’m starting to doubt whether I’ll ever be able to achieve true diva status. Admittedly, I feel less fear today than I have been (though I still get pangs of it when I think of Blondie), and I’m trying really hard to “get a life” as Rori might say, but I’m wondering if my horse isn’t lame or something, cause riding off into the sunset all by myself just doesn’t sound that appealing to me. What do you think?

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 1:39pm

  552. 552: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Nikita: I get it. Thank you! Less history, more mystery. :-)

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 1:42pm

  553. 553: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Sweetpea: First of all, I appreciate your gentleness and letting me know you’re not judging.

    Him flirting is a big trigger for me. He’s got this way when he talks to people of connecting. He does this with men and women. He stands close and looks them in the eye and really connects. And it’s one of the things I love about him but it also triggers insecurity in me when I see him do it with attractive women. And women really like him and seem to feel safe around him. Another thing I love yet triggers insecurity.

    I do find flirting to be harmless and healthy. I’m a big flirt. I flirt with everyone. Men, women, children.

    I feel happy to have this fear and insecurity coming up so it can be healed. Thank you.

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 1:49pm

  554. 554: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Erika: I have mixed feelings. I feel happy you are here. I’ve been wondering about you and how you are doing. I feel connected and open to you. I also feel appreciative of the teleclass you gave and the sweet email you sent. I feel bad that I didn’t respond. I was really busy at the time and got behind on my communications. I feel wishful that I could work with you more but unable to afford it.

    I also feel myself shutting down a bit reading your generalized judgements about the women on the blog. I notice that generalized statements really trigger me.

    I feel curious to know how you would apply your judgements, feelings, and triggers about the blog in the context of your work.

    I feel hopeful that you will heal your issues with the blog and come play with us in a way that feels good for all involved. I so appreciate the insights you offer but I feel a little shut down with the judgements.

    I’m judging myself for being selfish. I want you to be here as wise Erika who has all these awesome insights. I want it the way I want it. Waaaaaaaah.

    Just being silly here. Wondering where you are at with all this now. Wondering what’s going on with you.

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 2:06pm

  555. 555: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Jeanette: I feel curious? What do you have in mind to say to him? Would you be willing to write here what you would say and then we could offer some feedback?

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 2:10pm

  556. 556: RachelNo Gravatar says:


    I feel curious about how you plan to proceed with Ryan now. What does starting over in a friendship look like in your mind? Will you lean back and let him row the friendship boat? Or will you now feel more freedom to contact him when you’re missing him?

    It sounds like your feelings run WAY deeper than just a friendship and I wonder how you will keep this from bleeding into your interactions. I feel like what you do NOW is going to be so important both for showing Ryan that you’ve changed and for YOU staying healthy, strong and on your horse.

    Please be careful and don’t put yourself in the position of begging for his time or attention. You have a beautiful heart and HE needs to be the one working to earn time with YOU and attention from YOU.

    I understand the emotional, physical, chemical, hormonal addiction to a man and the memories of cherished times together. Maybe you and Ryan will make it back to that place, but in order for that to happen in a healthy way, you have to be the strong siren and not settle for crumbs here.

    Perhaps Ryan was a messenger to show you some of the wonderful aspects of connecting and to help you open your heart. But maybe his role is over and there is another man who is ready and eager to step in and hold you and cuddle you and talk for hours and pour into you all of the wonderful things you miss. Maybe it’s not Ryan that you miss so much as how you FELT with Ryan.

    And if you can truly let go of the WHO (Ryan) and focus on the WHAT (the amazing connection), you will energetically clear the place for the right man to step up. And that right man could BE Ryan if he has the time and space to heal and be ready to pursue you.

    I heard him express that he needs space. So can you create busy, fun moments for YOU and focus on other men, other experiences, other passions? I feel worried that you will feel more sadness and pain if he doesn’t initiate.

    How are you feeling today? What do you see the next step to be in your relationship?

    Hugs!! I love your heart!

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 2:20pm

  557. 557: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Ok, I really get the message/mirror here with him. Sometimes I accuse him of flirting and it didn’t feel good when he turned it around by doing the same thing to me. It felt icky and gross.

    Next time I feel insecure and want to accuse him of flirting, I’m just going to deal with my feelings of fear and insecurity. This feels good. I feel better.

    Whew! Ok breathe. All is well.

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 2:27pm

  558. 558: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    And also, it’s probably my insecurity that drives me to give him more details about other men than are really necessary. Going to let that go too.

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 2:31pm

  559. 559: Turtle GirlNo Gravatar says:

    Hi to you too! I love all your posts. We older gals have a different set of “Issues” than the younger ones, but yet not too different.

    If your post disappeared, well I have done that too wrote a really long one and then hit the wrong key or something and poof! Gone…..ugh. oh well….

    And yes I think one of the reasons my cd man threw such a big old fit over being with other guys is that he is an Aries ram to the max! The Aries men that can tolerate any sort of other men sniffing around have yet to be born!

    I told him this morning that I would agree to a few months of being “exclusive” and that’s all to see where it might lead. But I also told him if he mistreats me I am so gone……He was thrilled. He said he sees us living together in the future. Now in my mind that’s ok but he is gonna have to step up because I am not going to just let this drag on. I will continue to cd myself etc etc and be exclusive, but I am fully aware of the girlfriend trap and at the first sign of him being lazy and acted like horsey assey, then well bye bye………but this might work for right now because frankly I am to tired of dating. I am flat out sick of it. I just want one good man to settle down with and get on with life. Dating while exciting blows chow……..I get sick of all the new faces, nicey nice whatevers and all the stuff one has to go through. I know I sound cynical but thats how I feel.

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 2:33pm

  560. 560: janjuneNo Gravatar says:

    im feeling very goddesslike
    pelvisenergy carrying divalike

    i feel worthy
    i feel cared for
    i feel worth being cared for
    i feel sure i should be treated well
    i feel justified in asking to be treated well
    i feel justified to walk away when someone does not have plans to treat me in a caring manner
    or when i feel unsure
    or vibey
    i feel like maybe i *can* trust myself to find a man who will treat me well over the long haulmaybe i *do*, after all, have the sensibility to pick someone who is good for me , now that i have these new Tools, i just needed to remember to pay attention to my own signals
    about safety
    and what i want.need.desire
    and when i don’t’ feel safe or good

    …despite other obviously good qualities in a man

    i still need to pay attention to How I Feel in his presence above anything else.

    yes, i see that now.

    thank you rori.

    i want to attract the men who love the feminine
    who find it delightful
    who don’t find it annoying or selfish
    i want to attract men whose heart and spirit come to life in the presence of feminine energy women
    and who don;t want to be women or womanly or occupy the female space within the relationship with me
    i reject that completely.
    right now.
    i don’t want that.
    i will not send out any more vibes that brings a man like that to me.

    OMG, i can feel it happening right now.
    i’m feeling the vibe shift in myself again
    it feels so strange when that happens,
    like a major shift, the brain makes a change too i can feel it
    its awesomely awesome!!
    i think im learning how to do this.
    i just made a decision to STOP THE VIBE (I don’t even know what it was) that is going out to girly men. I dont want it anymore.
    i really mean it.
    and the vibe shifted.
    cus i really mean it, i guess!

    i know my vibe will not bring girly men to me anymore.
    I won’t have it.
    I am rejecting it.

    oh geez, i see that i have been OPEN to girly men.
    they can feel it, i think
    and the masculine energy guys, i’ll bet can feel it too.

    but its gone now.

    i have banished it from my goddess kingdom!! haha

    i dont want it.

    i want a masculine energy man ONLY
    and I have decided i do want relationship
    and im not too afraid

    my heart gets so charged thinking about men like this!

    i want to send my-loving-myself energy out to men who can cherish that i feel that way and think i should feel that way and want to add to me feeling that.

    i will know them when i meet them.

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 2:37pm

  561. 561: tinqueNo Gravatar says:

    “The one quality was feeling happy, safe and secure when we are with the guy and also when we are not. Doesn’t the idea of that kind of feeling seem cozy, lovely, yummy and wonderfully liberating?”

    This is indeed a wonderful feeling SLV. It’s also peaceful and deeply comforting.


    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 2:38pm

  562. 562: NikitaNo Gravatar says:


    Wow, I relate to how your guy ‘connects’ with people. Mine can connect with the deli clerk who is 15 years older and missing teeth. He has no interest but he is so charismatic that I have seen people just get swept up…….. I’m exaggerating a little but he is very present. And very funny :)

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 2:42pm

  563. 563: tinqueNo Gravatar says:

    Renee – I have to go with Rori on this one. It doesn’t matter when you have sex with the right guy, he won’t lose interest, nor will you appear less valuable in his eyes.
    And your horse is not lame. Maybe he’s just taking a bit of a nap.
    Yes you want to fill your life with all kinds of things you love, yet to be able to share all of this with a special someone is special.
    Yes you are whole onto yourself, yet to have a your “the one” can and does for many make life seem a little brighter, more colorful, sweeter.
    As David Deida says, a masculine energy man can take a feminine energy woman deeper than she ever could alone.

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 2:43pm

  564. 564: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    You gave me some really rich insights, affirmations, and feedback, and I really appreciate you taking the time to do so.

    It’s a weird relationship. Many times he’s taken me to a place of pain intentionally just so my deepest feelings and thoughts about him come to the surface. I have fallen for it too many times. It’s really awful when he could get the same information by putting his arm around me and asking me gently. I wonder if that is what he was about in leading it up to my pain last night. He has genius level intelligence and he uses psychology at a deeper level than most people are capable of thinking or even following.

    What I just said probably sounds crazy. But I’ve lived the lead-me-on-then-withdraw-and-hurt-me cycle OVER and OVER. He denies it at every turn, but I have studied his patterns. I feel foolish to even fall for it again. I can’t be sure this time around, because this time he seems a little more compassionate than usual about causing me pain. In the past he ignored my pain. And just kept hurting me right in the face of it. And insisting it wasn’t intentional.

    I fully intend to lean back and not initiate. I have told him what I’m about to tell you: I am in love with him. But I don’t want to go anywhere with those feelings until he is free of schizophrenia, because I feel hurt again and again as long as he has that.

    WHEN he becomes free of schizophrenia, I won’t be tricked into falling into his painful traps anymore. Until then, I am loving him from a safe distance, which, for me, is friendship. I have received counseling on this from a number of professionals and I am absolute that I will never become committed to him beyond friendship until the schizophrenia is gone. Even then, it might take several years for him to relate in a healthy way again, because it’s so deeply entrenched. I know a lot more about schizophrenia than I’m saying, and I read a lot about it last year when we were together. We also discussed it a lot together, and he knows where I am at with it. That part we have been very open about together. It really affects his relationships, all of them.

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 2:45pm

  565. 565: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Renee. You said…

    “but I’m wondering if my horse isn’t lame or something, cause riding off into the sunset all by myself just doesn’t sound that appealing to me. What do you think?”

    what comes to mind for me when I read that it’s not appealing because you don’t have a vision of all the wonderful things that will be in “the sunset” that you are riding off into.

    Like if you knew that in “the sunset” there was this awesome, amazing, fulfilling, satisfying life, maybe you would feel more excited to ride into it.

    Gosh, I’m not feeling very articulate right now. Does this make any sense to you or should I try to explain it more? I

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 2:47pm

  566. 566: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    Oh yes….. I may have a surface reaction to something but then I check in with my heart and how she feels deep down…..and I discover stuff….. Like I felt jealous the other day because he liked a performance and I thought one thing that I could have “explained”, but I felt something else which I chose to share ……. I feel jealous and a little upset,I hear you liking something I can’t give you…..It would take so much for me to perform that way and I want to be seen that way but I can’t so when I hear you liked it I just feel left out and jealous…..
    Which is really ridiculous but my truth at that moment….he said a http://www…..I don’t need that from you….aw….that’s so sweet…,honey you don’t need to feel that….and then later he was very affectionate (wink, wink) VERY 😉

    Anyways……I think by sharing the feeling it circumvented my ONLY sharing how annoyed I was by him admiring this woman’s performance….and me being pouty, cranky,insecure, and sarcastic the rest of the evening….by veiling my real feelings the ones that express the underbelly of my sexuality :)
    I love my ability to connect too!!!!!!!!!

    LG, am I sounding it out in an understandable manner ?
    I love that you shared this and opened yourself up to feedback too -btw

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 2:53pm

  567. 567: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    Wow, I typo’d a website link fragment……totally by accident….wow.

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 2:55pm

  568. 568: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    P.S. When you come as close to suicide as I did with his fake proposal last July, you don’t want to risk repeating it ever again.

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 2:55pm

  569. 569: SweetpeaNo Gravatar says:


    Thank you for posting the information on CDing.


    I thought maybe I was missing the point, but was curious about the flirting thing. I’m glad you felt things out around your trigger. Funny. Sorry. I did chuckle a bit when you talked about calling him out on the flirting. The way you speak of him, he reminds me of my brother. I don’t think of him as a flirt, because he’s my brother, but I can see how his wife could consider it flirting. He is just very charismatic and well-loved by people. Everyone – as you say – men, women, children, even animals just gravitate toward him. I don’t know if this will help to deal with the trigger or not, but he is the most faithful man I think I’ve ever met in my life. He is just friendly like that and I don’t think he is even attracted to anyone but his wife. I think Pam Anderson could throw herself down naked in front of him and beg him. And he’d be like, “get up. You’re embarrassing yourself. Let me help you.”

    Your guy sounds like that to me. I hope I’m right. Cuz you deserve that kind of man. Xoxo

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 2:58pm

  570. 570: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    I love the visualization of each of us riding on a horse to our happy ever after! I love horseback riding! I feel happy when I think about horses. They are so gentle and beautiful!!

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 3:00pm

  571. 571: janjuneNo Gravatar says:

    hi jori,

    i don’t see where anyone has answered your question, but i am skimming and may have missed something.

    my two cents worth:
    my few (new, rori-way) experiences with men have so far all had one thing in common

    that is:
    the less we do the better they like it. :)

    i mean, if they’re a step up man…

    even to the point of doing something i would consider rude with another woman or a guy friend or a family member, etc…

    for example, this one has been wishy washing around sending “flirts”, i responded the same way following his lead. then he sent me an email saying he would like to talk, would i call him and he sent me his phone number.

    i didn’t respond. at all. didn’t do anything.

    no message back.

    i mean, nothing.

    a day went by.

    he sent another email, this time (not even mentioning the phone number business) asking me if i would like to meet somewhere, that he thinks we would have alot of fun together based on our profiles, etc…

    so this time i *did* email him back (not mentioning the phone number business either) and told him that i feel really good about the possibility of meeting him for a cup of coffee or a beer and yes our profiles did seem in sync.’
    That’s IT.

    i have a message waiting from him but want to get off of here, so i’m not going to go into the website and read it until tonight or tomorrow because why?

    because i dont want to. :)

    i have some work i need to get done and i just don’t feel like engaging in conversation right this moment.

    this sounds bitchy, but a step up man is aware, i’m finding
    that a woman with a “high degree of difficulty” is much more exciting,
    for some reason it hooks them (don’t ask me why!! :) )
    it turns them on mentally and emotionally not to mention sexually, which they usually are that already anyway haha!!

    and as for me, i’m learning that i don’t want a man whose not up for the challenge of vibing with a woman who knows her worth and creates a bit of a challenge for him, where he has to work for her attention and affection. meaning in a good, playful, exciting, stimulating way, not a withholding, puinishing controling way. oh, no that’s not fun. at all. for either person. just the fun playful, and the excitement of being with someone who is your equal and knows it and you know it too. both ways.

    kinda in a way, i *can* see where this would be exciting and interesting and challenging and fun and a total turn on for men, now that im typing it out.

    gotta go!!

    hope this helps jori!
    you’re doing really well!

    (hey, and tell your former guy who’s stayin’ with you to buy his own groceries this month cuz yer goin shoppin’ heehee :)

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 3:06pm

  572. 572: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    RE: #573 revisited: You said, “Please be careful and don’t put yourself in the position of begging for his time or attention. You have a beautiful heart and HE needs to be the one working to earn time with YOU and attention from YOU.”

    I feel concerned about this, too. I easily fall into that pathetic role because, despite my best efforts, I still feel needy. How can I change not just my words, but my whole mindset? I know, CDing. And I’ve been trying. But it just isn’t happening. I have been and will continue to date myself and get out in public where men are. That feels good, and I am especially spending a lot of time at my church now, where I could easily meet a good man.

    I have been working Rori’s tools and all that I’ve been picking up on the blog as fast as I can. But the truth is, my deep truth, I still feel very lonely and sad because I am 46, overweight, and single. I am also trying to lose weight, and I just bought a bunch of fruits and vegetables.

    I will just have to continue with my thoughts and beliefs, reprogramming them.

    What a new start looks like is thinking in my mind as if I just met him and start from scratch.

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 3:11pm

  573. 573: NikitaNo Gravatar says:


    I am really liking this Italian cd :)I love the food tips!

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 3:12pm

  574. 574: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    I feel a huge sense of relief in my heart of hearts today.

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 3:12pm

  575. 575: RachelNo Gravatar says:


    I feel sad at the thought of you waiting for years and years for Ryan to get healthy. What about now? What about your needs, wants, desires to be loved and cherished now?

    I have quite a bit of experience with the “lure you close and then push you away” game. It is a horrible painful place and I came extremely close to suicide.

    That is why I feel concerned that you are opening yourself back up for him to re-hurt you. I feel relieved to hear that you plan to lean back even in the friendship.

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 3:14pm

  576. 576: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    RE: #474 – I have been on the blog 6 months, and I have been listening to Rori’s CD programs for 1.5 yrs.

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 3:17pm

  577. 577: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Nikita: Sometimes when I feel triggered and insecure I just tell him that. “oh, I feel insecure seeing you talk to that woman”. When I say that he always responds “babe, you don’t need to feel insecure. You’re the one that I want”.

    But sometimes I get mad and just accuse him. “you were totally just flirting with her. I feel pissed” and then there’s some drama. And he still chases me and tries to convince me that no he wasn’t flirting with her. And in a way, I “win”. He kisses my ass. Chases me. But I don’t really win because deep down I wonder if it doesn’t make him lose some respect for me and feel a little less respected. I get the impression that he wouldn’t put up with too much of that. And I don’t blame him.

    Weird typo eh? Ipad spell check at work?

    It was scary for me to share that. Thanks for your acknowledgement. :-)

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 3:25pm

  578. 578: SweetpeaNo Gravatar says:


    I have to say, that sounds like the healthiest conversation I’ve heard between you and Ryan for awhile. Yay! I share Rachel’s concerns, of course, because I feel very protective of you and don’t want to see you hurt anymore. By him or anyone else.

    I, as always, wish you peace in this situation. Love you & yay! On the fruits & veggies. :)

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 3:28pm

  579. 579: SweetpeaNo Gravatar says:


    I forgot the most important part… I feel trustful that you will be able to take the best care of you and not fall back into any traps. And I will send that prayer up for you everyday too.

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 3:38pm

  580. 580: HoneyNo Gravatar says:


    TG –

    This made me laugh…

    “frankly I am to tired of dating. I am flat out sick of it. I just want one good man to settle down with and get on with life. Dating while exciting blows chow……..I get sick of all the new faces, nicey nice whatevers and all the stuff one has to go through. I know I sound cynical but thats how I feel.”


    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 3:38pm

  581. 581: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Sweetpea: he does sound a lot like your brother. He’s really a good man (for me). I get the sense that he is one of those men who just naturally wants to settle down and be with one woman.

    And I can see myself subconsciously trying to turn him in to a womanizer.


    Thanks for saying I deserve a good man. I do. We all do. That felt really sweet to hear. Thank you!

    And the flirting thing…we both talked about how we want to be able to connect with other people. Have sweet heart connections with people of the opposite sex and not be like some couples that get pissed if their partner even talks to another person. I can see that we need to reaffirm that. And really live that. This has all been really great and helpful. And I feel excited for our future together.

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 3:38pm

  582. 582: SweetpeaNo Gravatar says:

    I think I have fallen completely, madly, head-over-heels in love.

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 3:43pm

  583. 583: HoneyNo Gravatar says:


    You can’t believe what I did! I texted my date for tonight cancelling our date, and it turns out I texted the WRONG GUY! Sh*t! He got concert tickets so now I HAVE to go! I told him I couldn’t make dinner but would try to do the concert. I have to study for an exam tomorrow, and haven’t read the material. So I cancelled. But then decided I didn’t really want to meet this guy anyway.

    CDing is hard…I thought I had everyone straight… I can’t juggle this many guys. I am sooooooo embarrassed,

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 3:45pm

  584. 584: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Awww, I feel touched by the support Brenda is receiving from Rachel and Sweetpea (and anyone else I may have missed)

    Brenda: I’m feeling caught up in my own stuff but totally second everything they are saying. All of it. Every last single bit.

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 3:45pm

  585. 585: SweetpeaNo Gravatar says:

    With myself. :)

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 3:47pm

  586. 586: NikitaNo Gravatar says:


    Yeah :) sometimes I see him interacting with a woman and I feel amused or I feel my body get a little hot, like a flash of paranoia…and then I watch his body language and I try looking through the eyes of the woman at him and I am reminded how hot he is and then I watch her deflate a little as she sees that he and I are together….and I feel a little sad for her because he’s just charismatic HIM……. But I also think, aw- let him shine….let him have his fun….let him ‘feel’ himself…..so he’s the center of attention for 30 seconds…good for him 😉 I imagine he does have fun teasing and flirting wherever he goes…..I do 😉 I am called charming a lot…..and strange men kiss my hand and I giggle…..and if my ram/bull saw hit he’d probable get a lead pipe out and start swinging -lol, but……. I can’t keep all of his sunshine to myself…..and Vice versa- I just feel super sexy that I’m the woman that holds his attention. I feel seen. I feel pampered.

    But! Can I tell you I am getting a little jealous of the puppy!!!!!!! He flirts with her the most! And now they’re cuddling all the time..they play….I KNOW he is spoiling her when I’m not home (which I don’t like but can’t control) and they have a little bond that I just don’t fit into…..and I think she’s getting a lot of kisses they are supposed to be coming to ME. And I feel good because it shows how silly I can be 😉
    And I love seeing the two of them together it is too cute and even though I sometimes feel left out, I feel really happy and glowy seeing them have fun.

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 3:52pm

  587. 587: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Honey – I would text… omgosh i feel so embarassed… i actually got confused and that text was meant for someone else… i am still very interested in seeing you… what do you think?

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 3:54pm

  588. 588: Katarina PhangNo Gravatar says:

    Sweetpea #353, thanks and I appreciate your sentiment.

    Yes there is some ethical question about CDing when the guy is under the impression you guys are exclusive, even when there is no sex involved (but I actually think CD without sex is fine without you having to inform the guy…if the purpose is really to take the pressure off him).

    BTW, I barely have time to go online. Yesterday was finally the day we spent time just alone since Junior is spending the weekend with his mommy. The plan was to have another girl he dated a few times over the summer to come over and made his threesome fantasy came true (I feel honored to be the first woman that would make it happen).

    Guess what, of course she didn’t show up. We (she and I) talked a little bit the night before, probably then she realized that she might have felt a bit jealous or something sensing that I was the more special one between the two of us. I was a bit anxy myself but he really comforted me telling me that he had no feeling for her but I was his woman. “We are in a relationship,” he said. I’m the only woman he will have sex with with feeling involved.

    I was disappointed and bit pissed she would just blow us off like that. Funny thing was his buddy showed up at the door uninvited because he mentioned about our plan. He met him outside and told him to go. :)

    We joked, “You see women are complicated. There are too much “feeling” involved (we were watching Dave Chapelle man vs. woman psychology 2 nights before and he talked how women always talk about “feelings”, so we kinda emulated him). We’ve been talking for a month about tonight and she didn’t even show up. And look at your buddy, he was out there, not even invited. He just needs to know there are pussies and he comes to get them like a dog.”

    We had a good laugh about that.

    But the amazing thing was the night we spent together just on our own was truly magical -as always. Just when you thought nothing could ever surpass our past experiences, this one once again was mind-boggling, probably would have been better than the original plan of a threesome!

    We hung out, laughed, took pictures, joked, danced, fooled around and made love in his super cozy 70-style home theater (he calls it the ultimate man’s cave) with the music on, weed, and wine/champagne.

    We kissed, he told me over and over how much he loved me, how an amazing woman I was….

    When we were done at 1.47 am, we realized five solid hours had passed and we didn’t even realize it! We forgot about the other woman….like who cares, we’re having too much fun!!

    That was our record thus far: making love/out for 5 hours without ever losing any steam!

    And of course when we woke up we were at it again for another hour. :)

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 3:54pm

  589. 589: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    The Lost Stories of Women Who Were Not Lost
    If we were donkeys and
    could read holy scripture,
    we would look for all
    the stories of donkeys
    so we would know how to behave
    like proper donkeys
    in the presence of God.
    If we were doves,
    and we could read holy scripture,
    we would look for
    all the stories about doves,
    so we would know
    the braveness of doves.
    If we were men, we would
    look for each of the 1000 manly stories
    in the Holy Book, and
    for how many ancestors
    were heroes of record,
    and how we could be like them.
    If we were women,
    we would look for each of the 1000
    heroic women stories
    in the Bible and we, uh, we…
    well, we are women,
    … and we have been looking hard
    for the 1000 stories of heroic women
    in the Bible.
    Do you know where
    The other 987 are being stored?

    It took twenty years, but I found
    that the not 1000, but the millions
    of women’s heroic stories are kept
    in a stronghold
    whose lock
    is an oceanic human heart
    and whose keys
    are unbearable
    and perfect
    Though most of the pages have been wiped out,
    having, they say, been accidentally
    dropped down wells,
    burnt as tinder,
    used to wipe babies’ behinds,
    well, that is all alright,
    because women
    fish the dream fields every night
    and it is there that
    the lost stories of women are held in nets.

    And I tell you this without equivocation:
    If all the woman of the world
    recorded their dreams for even a single night,
    and then laid them all end to end in the morning,
    we would recover the last million years
    of women’s lost songs, stories, arts, and theories,
    inventions, discoveries and ideas.

    … Nothing that can be dreamt
    can ever be lost for good.


    “The Lost Stories of Women Who Were Not Lost,” a poem from La Pasionaria

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 3:55pm

  590. 590: NikitaNo Gravatar says:


    You read Rori’s book? Remember where she says to just commit to relationship…..not the guy but the relationship itself for three months and follow the four rules? Sounds in line with what you are wanting to do with your RAM…..I’d do 3 months….. You both get what you want….him-you exclusively…..and you-taking a break from dating :)
    And you can perfect the kind of cd’ing that is possible in a relationship…..it’s different but fun ……

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 3:57pm

  591. 591: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    Daria LOL #604 is Gangstaaaaaaa!!!!! 😀

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 4:01pm

  592. 592: ReneeNo Gravatar says:

    LG — I get what you’re saying, but I really don’t enjoy that many things without a man in my life. Now that I just wrote that, I know that sounds pitiful, but keep in mind that I just lost my best friend a few months ago (right when I found this blog) and my other close friend lives 3.5 hrs away and has 6 kids so we rarely get to talk.

    Anyway — I guess the point of this pity party is to say that I am lonely and when I’m with a man (well, when I’m with someone special), I don’t feel lonely anymore, so I definitely prefer to be dating someone special than be by myself.

    The other part of that equation is that in order to do the “fabulous” things that I might still enjoy all by my lonesome, I’d need a lot more money than I currently have and that’s depressing to think of. I work in a business that’s been hit really hard in this economy and I’ll make about 40% less this year than last year, and I wasn’t exactly living large last year.

    But I’ve been really applying myself at work lately and I think it’s going to pay off soon…I may have a deal pending come Monday if things go well. (Please pray for me everyone if you’re the type who prays — I could really use this deal right now, not just financially but to lift my spirits as well!).

    I am thankful that the most recent cd (I’ll call him Outdoors guy) just emailed me with a nice, charming email that pretty much made my night. I was started to feel all sad about Blondie again when this email rolled in and helped me to refocus a little…oh, I still want to get back together with Blondie, but I definitely want to give this new guy a go — he makes more money than Blondie and has been divorced longer, so perhaps he isn’t as hung up on moving forward with a relationship — let’s hope!

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 4:07pm

  593. 593: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Sweetpea loves sweetpea! I feel warm and tingly throughout my whole body.

    I feel inspired reading that poem Daria. Thank you.

    Nikita: I feel happy to be sharing experiences. I feel supported (I know that’s not technically a feeling but well, I feel okay about using it here)

    I feel a little jealous of LI and pup’s connection too. But I also understand. It’s so easy to love those little furry creatures because there is no drama, no judgements, no talking, no processing. Just love. Pure unconditional love. And I feel happy knowing that he is sharing and experiencing that kind of love.

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 4:12pm

  594. 594: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Nikita – it’s gangsta? really? i mean – tiny nv’s of worry that he’ll feel triggered about my having anything with anyone else to cancel – but…

    i am very honest and … i think he would be thrilled im not canceling with him?

    sometimes i answer texts or the phone with.. . wait who is this?

    it’s not really up to me to know, its up to him to Make himself known

    haven’t lost any masculine ones with this

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 4:17pm

  595. 595: Katarina PhangNo Gravatar says:


    “Is “holding out” just a manipulative way of keeping a man’s interest going for you (to keep him in “pursuit” mode), or is it more like Rori says — if it’s the right guy, it won’t matter if/when you have sex because he’ll continue to want to pursue you anyway?”

    Whoever told you that holding out will result in him wanting to pursue you more was giving you a misleading advice.

    Men will pursue you till they realize/feel “it’s a waste of time.”

    It can/will backfire. So be very careful.

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 4:18pm

  596. 596: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Renee: I totally hear you about wanting to have a relationship.

    But what I am saying is I get the sense that you are interpreting the idea of riding of into the sunset as meaning you should be happy alone.

    But what I think Rori means is we are riding of into our happily ever after which includes the relationship we want. And if you look at it that way it may feel more exciting.

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 4:25pm

  597. 597: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Renee – your Sunset.. is not by yourself.. its the Sunset of the Wonderful Relationship with a Wonderful Man! That’s where we’re all ridign too, yeehaa

    what does your wonderful relationship feel like? (impt. exercise to write on)

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 4:28pm

  598. 598: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    LG – yes!

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 4:30pm

  599. 599: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    And I’ll will happily meet your request to pray for the deal going through. :-)

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 4:32pm

  600. 600: SweetpeaNo Gravatar says:

    Ha ha LG. I was being mischievous again when I posted “with myself” separately. it takes so long to post on my phone I felt worried that nobody was going to catch the second post.

    I feel jealous of you and your ram. I told my brother awhile back that I think he’s the reason I’ve never been married, cuz I’m looking for someone like him & I think they broke the mold. :) I wasn’t kidding, but I feel confident now that I’ll find one of my own.

    I really like that you were reminded of the “sweet heart connection” and want to reaffirm. That feels good to me. Yay!

    I do feel completely in love with myself. It’s funny because I do really like tree trimmer guy, but he started wondering aloud last night if I was falling for him. And I could fall for him, but I realized this morning that who I’m really in love with, is myself. And isn’t that what this is all about? I feel sooo incredibly, fabulously good! He’s telling me now that I’m going to make him fall in love with me and that he’s going to keep me… if I let him and I’m just thinking, “hmm. We’ll see.”

    God I feel powerful!

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 4:41pm

  601. 601: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    RE: #476 – Thank you for your very sweet compliments.

    There is more to the relationship with Ryan than what I can say on the blog. I feel confident that I am on the right path, while I remain open to meeting new men.

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 4:43pm

  602. 602: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    RE: #592 – Thank you! I am still dating myself and going places to meet men, and I am open to dating other men. I have some serious issues in my life right now that demand my attention above CDing. So that is taking a back seat while I survive. But if a man happens to ask me out, I will say yes.

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 4:47pm

  603. 603: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    RE: #595 – Thank you!!

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 4:48pm

  604. 604: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Ella: how was my me date? Thanks for asking.

    It felt good. I really enjoyed to two movies I watched…The Brothers Bloom and City Island.

    I had that triggering moment that I’ve been processing here. That felt cathartic and healing.

    Overall I feel happy with my decision to stay home. Sometimes I get really reclusive and judge myself for that. Other times I’m really outgoing. Trying to accept myself both ways. Thanks for asking. :-)

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 4:50pm

  605. 605: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    RE: #599 – I’m so happy for you! Yay!

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 4:51pm

  606. 606: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    RE: #601 – Awww! Gee, shucks! Thanks! Yes, I feel touched by the support and care I feel, too!

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 4:53pm

  607. 607: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    RE: #602 – Cupcake!!! Not with darling wildman?

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 4:54pm

  608. 608: JoriNo Gravatar says:

    janjune…thank you for your reply. I suppose I’m used to being just friendly with males and never really flirted. Also, I suppose that I feel sort of…afraid…that if i don’t respond and be “friendly” that he (any guy) won’t respond back thinking maybe I’m rude or disinterested. Maybe I’m confusing leaning back with aloofness…it seems as if there is such a fine line with using many of the tools and I just don’t have the experience to “get it” yet.

    Do we ignore and hope they pursue…and when to stop ignoring? That’s what it seems like to me. Also, I really don’t want a relationship nor do have any dream of marraige, etc. so I don’t really know what my intent is with cd’ing…well, I guess, maybe to make myself feel appealing, sought after, distracted? I’m not sure I know.

    Regarding my ex- : I’m feeling broken-hearted now because I told him today that I’m not in love with him anymore and don’t love him. He took it hard, left, and later texted that he wanted to be with me and had dropped his new “interest” last night telling her he was still in love with me and he was hoping we could build from our friendship. I actually had noticed that he stopped texting her so much for a few days and did make a late night call to her for half hour last night.

    Still, he is no good for me and I feel horrible for hurting him by saying what I did (I do love him, but we are so incredibly toxic). And I know I have to move on, but I feel so backwards with cd’ing, flirting. And part of me wants to be held by him and hold him…but it is most definitely over now. There is no turning back. I’m in so much pain and I feel for him, too. He has so many issues, he did not contribute, was very moody at times and confused me often, I took care of him for OMG about 7 years!

    I wish I could turn back time. Early on I was very insecure with his charisma and ability to draw people in (as I see others here experience with their men/brother) and I felt so insecure. He also was a big flirt, but also his weed addiction had him gone almost every night, come back for food, sex, then I’d wake up and go to work while he slept. Then I’d come home and he’d leave out. I used to blame myself for my jealous behavior at the beginning, but I didn’t deserve to be punished (and pay for punishment) for 7 years.

    Rachel #573 Your post to Brenda was extremely helpful to me, too.

    Brenda – Taking loving care of yourself may seem so hard to do, but you can do it and you will feel the shift. And, it is not selfish to look to yourself for love that can be a love to share with someone.

    In my situation, I was looking for him to love me, feed me emotionally, like I wouldn’t survive without that. It is still so hard and, although I know we were totally wrong for each other (living out of our wounds, looking for each other to fix/hide from ourselves) the pain is still intense. My heart feels ripped out, but with courage and determination (and it is NOT easy) I know I will move on – and even typing that made me feel panicky…I am grieving so intensely right now.

    Daria #606 This touched me so deeply…it is beautiful.

    I’m going to do my Toxic Men program now. I can’t give up…no slacking…like a paralytic learning how to walk again…DETERMINATION!

    I feel good that I am learning to love myself.

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 4:56pm

  609. 609: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @561 Daria

    Thanks for tips, I’m reading this now. And i’ll finish the posts too.

    Feeling sad, rejected, blindsided.
    Pisssssssssed. I deserve so much better!!!

    Are all men CRAZY????? or is it the leftover ones that are all defective?


    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 4:58pm

  610. 610: ReneeNo Gravatar says:

    LG & Daria — Ok, I get it now. I guess after having been alone sooooo long, I’m having a hard time believing there really will be a “happily ever after” for me…I go through periods where I get high hopes, and then when another relationship ends, I get down and doubtful:( .

    This one was pushing so hard that I really believed he was going to hang in there, so I finally let my guard down and bam! Suddenly he’s not so sure anymore. It seems mean really…especially since he couldn’t just man up and say, “I’m not feeling it” instead of saying it’s because I’m going to meet another man — who says crap like that?!

    Anyway — I still think he’ll txt or call me again at some point and I still have a small hope that we may still have a future together, though with each passing day it seems less and less likely…but it could take a while for him to come back around…I do think he’ll come back around, though…maybe I’ll be lucky and will have met another really neat guy by then and then if I do give him another chance, he’ll really have a run for his money on hand.

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 5:03pm

  611. 611: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    RE: #610 – You said, “It’s so easy to love those little furry creatures because there is no drama, no judgements, no talking, no processing. Just love. Pure unconditional love. And I feel happy knowing that he is sharing and experiencing that kind of love.”

    Yes! And I believe it is no coincedence that “Dog” is “God” spelled backward! I think God gave us dogs to demonstrate what unconditional love looks like! :-)

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 5:04pm

  612. 612: SweetpeaNo Gravatar says:


    Lol! I think wildman is in love with ME. And that feels very, very good I’m surprised to say.

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 5:05pm

  613. 613: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Sweetpea: I can’t remember who but someone recently reposted something Rori said about falling in love with ourselves in his presence. It sounds like you are doing just that.

    I don’t believe that God breaks molds. What a gift that you are able to witness a man like that in your brother and even know that it is possible for a man to even be like that. I honestly didn’t even know it existed. I still find myself doubting it when it’s right in front of me.

    …but I’m making progress.

    I like your Ram. I like what I’m hearing about him. I’m not attached :-), not going to fall in love with him right away, not going to lose myself, but I feel open. Very open. :-)

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 5:11pm

  614. 614: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    RE: #625 – Thank you, and that was a beautiful post as a whole! I have been giving myself love and letting God give me love all my life. And my puppies and kitties! And that has all brought me a long way. I finally understand that I can’t look to fill my love tank from a man.

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 5:11pm

  615. 615: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Ella and Luzy,

    Thanks for the support! :-) No, I am leaning back again. Gotta let HIM grow in baby steps, too!

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 5:15pm

  616. 616: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Brenda: yes! I totally agree and feel so grateful for that!

    “Yes! And I believe it is no coincedence that “Dog” is “God” spelled backward! I think God gave us dogs to demonstrate what unconditional love looks like!”

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 5:17pm

  617. 617: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    RE: #484 – You said, “A siren doesn’t need to beg a guy to take her back as “friends only” when she’s in love with him and wants so much more, does she?”

    :-( I am trying to be objective but having a hard time doing so. In a way it feels like begging, yet, message to message, I was truly sharing my deep feelings. I don’t know.

    And, I appreciate your feedback, even tho it was leaning toward negative. I only know that I am a little mixed up inside, which is how I found Rori. One of the many things I appreciate about this blog is how everyone else’s views help me keep balanced.

    I guess I am going to take it a step at a time with Ryan. I feel especially confused about this relationship, because of how deeply wounded I was. I have been seeing a therapist ever since.

    Now comes my REALLY deep truth…if anyone can handle it: I wonder if Ryan was trying to establish mind control over me. I read about it on the internet, and the aggressor creates a situation filled with fear and pain for the victim. He repeats this over and over, until he can control the victim thru fear and pain.

    Ryan possesses the intelligence to do something that Machiavillian. And his schizophrenic condition would lend him to that. I do my best to keep my guard up, which is why I have set a firm boundary of no romantic involvement until he gets freed and healed.

    I welcome any further feedback from anyone.

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 5:23pm

  618. 618: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    RE: #488 – You said, “I thought to myself, well if Brenda genuinly feels a shift in the situation that makes her feel good then it is progress, even if not yet the perfect situation.”

    That’s kinda where I’m at.

    I feel open to all feedback. I am here because I want to learn. I truly have limited social experience. So sometimes I don’t have any basis for comparison. Sometimes I run mostly on book knowledge, not the real nuts and bolts of life and love.

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 5:27pm

  619. 619: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Renee: I feel so understanding of the pain that comes from opening yourself up and then feeling let down. Ugh! It’s feels horrible and discouraging.

    You do have a happily ever after coming tho. I just know it. I can tell by your posts that you are wonderful and I know that men can see that too. Can u see it? :-)

    I would love to hear a list from you of all the reasons why you love yourself! Sometimes we need to remind ourselves, ya know?

    And sometimes it’s really helpful to envision what our happily ever after looks like. But not worry about how it’s going to happen or with whom. Just envision what it looks like as if we are writing a script for a movie…a really really great movie.

    And then let it go. Give it up to the universe to arrange the details. And then focus on living ourselves and thinking happy thoughts and trust that it will all come about.

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 5:27pm

  620. 620: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Sexy Lady Vibe,

    RE: #493 – You said, “Of course my beliefs don’t count much for anyone but me.”

    I value your beliefs, thoughts, and feelings. I feel sad when I perceive another Siren subtly putting herself down.

    Yeah, I think each relationship takes on a nature of its own, along with taking on a life of its own.

    I felt vulnerable writing a lot of that out between Ryan and me. Some of it was textbook feeling messages. Some was just my interaction style with Ryan, after spending hundreds of hours with him in pillow talk. :-)

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 5:32pm

  621. 621: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    Hehe…that was me :) falling in love withourselvesinhispresence 😉

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 5:33pm

  622. 622: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    RE: #494 – You said, “Yet, to me “Being Surprised” in the way Rori talks about it would entail truly getting needs met and feeling loved.”

    I haven’t listened to all of Rori’s programs, but I never heard her specifically define “be surprised”. I took it to mean you will find a different, more positive outcum then you’ve ever experienced or expected!

    At the beginning of our texts last night, it pretty much looked like he was ending what little friendship was left, like the embers of a fire finally going black, cold, and dead.

    I didn’t expect any follow up from him, based on experience. I felt surprised when he came back warm. :-)

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 5:36pm

  623. 623: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    Yes # 604 was gangsta because it was soooo honest, it didn’t make any excuses it was just what you see is what you get…I don’t feel bad or sorry…. And I still like you -in case you forgot….what say you? :)

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 5:36pm

  624. 624: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    RE: #500 – I am guessing you have not been dating online for long. The instant jumps from hello to sex are a major turn-off for me, too…unfortunately, I have found they are par for the course.

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 5:39pm

  625. 625: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    RE: #517 – You said, “i felt awful, small, and humiliated reading it…

    did you feel some of this too?”

    Yes, I did. I feel happy that he has agreed to be friends and talk again. I feel happy that he cares that I am sad and hurting.

    I feel angry that I am so deeply attached to him that I can’t leave him alone long enuff to outgirl him. I feel angry that he seems to toy with me like a mouse, dangling me by my nerve endings.

    I heard a saying, “Those we love the most are capable of hurting us the most.”

    I felt pinned to the ground the night he did the fake proposal. I did the fall down tool and I laid on the ground on my back feeling crucified, psychologically crucified.

    I have never shaken that feeling. I think we have a soul tie that I have been unsuccessful to shake. I don’t know if I want to, altho I tried to break it.

    What would you have done? What would you do now? I welcome anyone to give feedback on that if you care to.

    Thanks, Daria!

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 5:49pm

  626. 626: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    RE: #52 – You said, “from the way Ryan responds to feeling messages, he sounds VERY masculine and caring…

    i would think that once the vibe shift starts happening he might start pursuing”

    That makes me feel happy! I feel encouraged and I learned from this. I know he is COMPLETELY attuned to FEELINGS. He said, “Feelings are everything.” So when I heard Rori talking bout feeling messages, I knew he would be very responsive.

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 5:54pm

  627. 627: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    That was sposta be Post 522

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 5:56pm

  628. 628: JenniferNo Gravatar says:

    Had enough
    Shut up voices
    if you’re not helping…SHUT THE FCK UP!!!!!!

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 6:00pm

  629. 629: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    RE: #528 – Thank you for sharing! That was beautiful!

    I thot a lot about Ryan cheating when we were together. He’s young, handsome, and fit. I’m middle aged and overweight. He likes women and admires their beauty.

    I had a few moments of panic. Then I realized that he was always honest about where he was and what he was doing when we talked on the phone. So I chose to tell myself a story that said Ryan is looking for a forever woman, only one woman.

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 6:03pm

  630. 630: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    RE: #529 – You said, “My fiance came by again with two of my grown kids here and only says hi and how are you”

    If I were you, I’d address it asap. It is a major issue. Major. How bout…

    I feel disappointed and sad that my kids are pretty much left out of the conversation. I don’t want them to be without a father figure. What do you think?

    I hope that helps.

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 6:08pm

  631. 631: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    RE: #536 – I have developed a unique relationship with Kenny in regards to flirting that works beautifully! Our 10 year, long distance relationship is still alive because we are brutally honest with each other! I tell him everything he cares to know about my relationships and interactions with other men. He doesn’t interact with many women in prison, but he tells me if he does. For example, if we are in the prison visiting room, he’ll casually comment, “Whew, that girl has some serious cleavage!” I don’t have to wonder about him because he tells me voluntarily!

    He told me he repeatedly went against the advice of his friends when he was telling me stuff that he knew I wouldn’t like, such as starting smoking again after he quit. It really comes down to trust. And, sharing your deep honesty builds trust!

    As for Ry Guy, he told me he despises pornography, but he loves nude art. He said it’s good for the soul of a man, to admire the most beautiful of God’s creation! Because of what I’ve built with Kenny, I encouraged him in this, even inviting him to look at nude art with me. It is beautiful, not perverted. I really like this approach.

    And now I have fresh motivation to return my body to nude art. :-)

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 6:18pm

  632. 632: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    Re: #542 – You said, “And I found that THAT was the key. I didn’t fight the feelings, I instead gave them free rein to course through my body and through my mind and I acknowledged and embraced them. Next thing I knew, I was feeling good feelings, too. I had feelings of peace and happiness and feelings of contentment and then I just KNEW I would be okay. No matter what. I feel so great now knowing that I can walk through that dark valley and find the light on the other side. And I went to bed that night and slept like a baby.”

    Whew, beautifully written and beautiful experience!

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 6:22pm

  633. 633: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    RE: #544 – Amen!

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 6:25pm

  634. 634: JoriNo Gravatar says:

    If you read this…I’m stuck on something in the Toxic Men program. It is something that keeps coming up when I go to my Stranger. Also, I got to the Strong Surrender (disc 2) and turning Toxic Style to Strength and it feels incompatible with my Stranger (so I cannot seem to reconcile something).

    Can I address that here? Some of it feels too personal to put out here, but then again, it may help someone else.

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 6:27pm

  635. 635: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    RE: #561 – “So, here are 10 steps to change your thinking and truly get his attention”

    Was this written by Rori?

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 6:36pm

  636. 636: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    I just did a meditation and felt amazing.

    I visualized different people in my life feeling good and I mean really good. I pictured them feeling connected to spirit, knowing their purpose in life, feeling love and loved, feeling really really good like we feel in the peak moments in our lives. And as I was visualizing them feeling amazing, those same feelings were filling up my body. And it felt like a win/win situation.

    Sometimes I try to visualize these feelings for myself and I get stuck. I found it much easier to visualize for others. I feel like I benefited from it too somehow.

    Mmmmmm that was yummy. Gonna do more of that. But first going to nurture myself with some yummy warm food. I’m really craving rice pudding for some strange reason.

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 6:37pm

  637. 637: PassionatelyPiscesNo Gravatar says:

    Wow, it’s really hard to keep up with everyone’s posts/situations here—but I’m trying. I’ve got a notebook so I can keep track and get to know you all. :)

    Thank you, Brenda, for sharing what you got out of the Toxic Men program. I think I already know the answer about the man I left—but I think it would help me to process my feelings. Just the little bit I heard of the program (I’ve watched all the videos on the site here and/or on youtube) where she was talking about dog training really made me see where I was/am in denial about it. Now that I’m away from him I don’t think I am looking at things clearly because I miss him so much.

    I can relate to Jeannette (#529) who has been talking about her guy not being very interactive with her kids and other people, conversations, etc. This was very much the problem with this man. He made no real effort to be sociable—a man of very, VERY few words. He’s helped my kids over the years with many things (fixing cars, money, etc.) which was always appreciated (and paid back) —but holidays were always just awful. I got so tired of trying to have company while he would just sit there in front of the tv and ignore everyone.

    He was faithful, hardworking, honest and kind. Makes me sound like some kind of a nutcase, huh? All these qualities and I leave? He was/is just way too passive, for the most part. So I know what you mean about feeling like he doesn’t ‘step up’ socially. I know some of his behavior problems are due to the alcoholism—but I truly believe he would be very limited socially even if he got truly sober.

    I don’t know if I agree with the idea that chemistry is either there (right off the bat) or it isn’t. I used to think that was true. I was very adamant about it, in fact. But I’ve learned that, for me, I have to get to know someone for awhile before I decide if I could be attracted to them sexually. The men I have that ‘instant’ kind of attraction to usually ended up being bad for me. It was the wrong kind of attraction.

    This man I just left is an example (maybe not a good one, since I did end up leaving.) I was not attracted to him at all. It took him a year to get me to go out with him—I knew he liked me, but I just couldn’t get past the idea or even imagine kissing him. The thought just made me think, “Ewwwww.” BUT the more I got to know him the more attraction I felt. He turned out to be one of the best kissers I’ve ever known and a very passionate lover. But if I would have just gone with my initial idea that he “wasn’t my type” I would’ve never known that :)

    I’m not sorry for the relationship and in many ways I can see (after listening/learning from Rori) where, maybe I kind of “ruined” things by overfunctioning (I get such a kick out that word—such an understatement!) and thinking that saying everything I thought and felt was a good thing. I almost feel like it’s kind of my fault that things got so bad. (I vascillate between beating myself up and telling myself I deserve better…back and forth I go.)

    I appreciate the good things about him, but I don’t want to spend holidays all alone or just with my kids. I don’t want to be with someone who forgets my birthday every year for 12 years. (Never, not one card or gift for ANY holiday for all those years. No flowers ever….nothing.) Ugh…just listen to me. I’m pathetic. Thinking out loud is what it is….

    Even though it didn’t work out and wasn’t what I needed, it was the healthiest relationship I’ve had. (I tried to ‘upgrade’ each time :) )

    Brenda, I feel like I can relate to you wanting to see Ryan be healed of his illness and think/dream of how it could be when/if he does. I think about that all the time…how it would be if he would stop drinking and go to A.A. and really want to do it. But the fact is that I don’t have that kind of time…or the patience. And I know when I think about that I am limiting myself by thinking there isn’t anyone else out there who would love me or want me. (I like Rori’s idea of taking the little NV off my shoulder and putting him/it in the corner with a cookie!)

    I live in a very, very small rural community so the dating thing is going slowly—most people still think I live with him or think of me as ‘taken.’ I don’t have a very exciting life—but I try to make the most of it. I try to make sure I look nice even if I’m just going to the grocery store or to run errands. You never know who you’ll run into! :) And I’m active in several groups so I get to meet people with similar interests, etc. I’m very happy being single for right now, but I do get really lonely and I don’t know how long I see myself going without sex, to be honest. (I think I’m more like a man in that respect—I think about it ALL the time!) Heck! It’s good for us! It’s healthy, it makes us feel good, makes our skin glow and keeps those endorphins floating around in all the right places. Sigh…..

    So, I guess I’m more into CDing myself for now. The call with Cherry Norris was very interesting and I will be keeping what I learned in mind while I’m out and about, here in Mayberry! 😉 She talked about the 6-second stare and then she talked about how to tell, if he does come over to talk to you, if he’s interested in dating you. She gave tips on how to steer the conversation away from career, job, etc. and if he keeps going back there you know his interest lies somewhere besides attraction/dating. If he gives you his card or number and says to call him, you’re supposed to write your number on it and give it back to him. Nice, huh? 😉 Anyway—I can’t afford to sign up for her program, but the call was great.

    I appreciate you all listening to me. I don’t mean to be so long-winded. I envy all of you who are “out there” doing the CDing and being brave. (I’m very shy.) You are all an inspiration to me as I go along baby-step by baby-step.


    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 6:37pm

  638. 638: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Brenda – yes its part of the newest e-letter

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 6:49pm

  639. 639: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Now stop running.

    What you are seeking is here.


    Listen to your quickly beating heart,

    really listen.

    Artemis is whispering,

    “If you want to come with me then…

    go beyond the working,

    and get to the Living.”

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 6:50pm

  640. 640: SweetpeaNo Gravatar says:


    I think someone did post that and that’s what made me aware of it. Wow! What a revelation though. It feels odd in a way. Cuz I’m really liking this guy, and I could fall for him pretty hard right now, but I realize it has so much more to do with the way I feel around him than it actually has to do with him. Which is probably good or I’d be running like a scared bunny with the hounds of hell at my heels. But I feel no fear about the growing intensity of my emotions. Even though logically, it’s too much, too soon, danger city. But it feels like they have more to do with me than with him, and if he were to leave, he wouldn’t take the feeling with him, he’d just take the mirror that’s reflecting them to me. If that makes any sense. That, to me, is totally mind-boggling. I’m not sure how to explain it because it makes no sense to me.

    I feel lucky to have such a good example of a man in my brother too. I thank God for him pretty much everyday. I often wonder if I’d have survived my childhood and remained as emotionally intact as I am if he hadn’t been there.

    And lucky you to have found a guy to date who sounds so much like him. (Although we know HE is the lucky one). I’m seeing some pretty good similarities in tree trimmer to my bro too. So you’re right. Apparently God didn’t break the mold. (But my bro has never given me a scare wondering if he’s in jail or not. Lol).

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 6:52pm

  641. 641: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Jori – you can put ANYTHING here … especially! about Rori’s materials… that’s what this blog is for!

    Be BRAVE!!!

    I will help you with anything I can

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 6:54pm

  642. 642: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    PP: “Even though it didn’t work out and wasn’t what I needed, it was the healthiest relationship I’ve had. (I tried to ‘upgrade’ each time )”

    wow! I feel excited thinking about your next one!!!

    Relationships seem to work that way huh? They just keep getting better and better. I just love that.

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 7:00pm

  643. 643: JenniferNo Gravatar says:

    Feel like riffing but then don’t
    Feel like tearing and ripping but won’t
    Tiggering about my dad
    Why does he make me so damned mad?
    Why am I rhyming all of this down
    This is stupid.

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 7:00pm

  644. 644: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    RE: #568 – You said, ”

    I know there are some women on here who want to wait until they’re married to have sex, and I respect that belief, but I want to be able to have sex with someone before that time — not only because I want to see if we’re compatible (Blondie and I are) but also because it’s something I really enjoy and it seems silly to deprive myself of sex for what could be a year or longer while he determines whether he want to marry me. I think I could possibly hold out for a month or two, but I honestly don’t see how I could hold out 6 months to a year while waiting for a proposal, but I’m curious what you guys think. Is “holding out” just a manipulative way of keeping a man’s interest going for you (to keep him in “pursuit” mode), or is it more like Rori says — if it’s the right guy, it won’t matter if/when you have sex because he’ll continue to want to pursue you anyway?”

    When I think of depriving myself of sex, I think, “This isn’t just about me. This is about us. What best serves the relationship?” Who wants to buy the whole ice cream cart when I’m giving out fudgsicles for free?

    Withholding sex is not at all manipulative. At least not for me. I feel in control of myself when I hold off on sex. I feel respectful of myself. I want a man to pay attention to and get to know my spirit, mind, and emotions before he gets to know my body.

    When I was in my 20s, a counselor told me if a relationship comes together first on a physical level, it will ultimately shortcircuit the relationship.

    I didn’t want to hear that, and I didn’t like that. So I had about a 5 year spree of free, wild sex, and I proved his words true to myself. Plus I felt disrespect for myself. I felt like I had given away a precious part of myself to people who did not deserve it.

    For me, withholding sex is saying, “I am worth the whole package of commitment, not just good sensations. I am determined to get to know all of you, spiritually, intellectually, and emotionally, before I give you the precious gift of my body. I am not here to give you personal pleasure. I am not a source of cheap sex. I am a source of expensive sex. Sex with me will cost you months of getting to know each other and a commitment.”

    I feel valued. I feel valuable.

    My ten years with Kenny FORCED us to not have sex. It has been very difficult, especially the three years we were married. But levels of relationship have developed that I never even imagined. We have deveoloped creative ways to express our love for each other. We wrote each other fantasies. We found depths of meaning in nonsexual touches. It’s a rich friendship!

    If I were you, I’d experiment (don’t take my word for it) with your next relationship. Just give it a go with stopping at hugging and kissing, and see what develops…see how you feel.

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 7:00pm

  645. 645: janjuneNo Gravatar says:

    hi jori,

    yeh, it can be confusing, especially if we have spent our lives listening to what other people want.need.expect.

    in a nutshell:
    the healing process is *not* about a strategy or strategizing with men at *all*.

    it’s about finding out how YOU (the person working the program/using the Tools) feels
    and being OKAY with acting on that
    rather than livingout.actingout. other people’s expectations.


    HOWEVER, :)
    my experience is becoming, as rori says it will,
    that *in doing so,*, a consequence will be:
    a different kind of man will appear and want your attention… :)

    a masculine energy man. who will want to take the lead
    and take care of YOU
    instead of the other way around!

    I want this!!

    i’m just, myself, getting into understanding why he wants a women of a certain degree of difficulty
    meaning: *he* has to make an effort to reach out to her, get her attention, etc. rather than her just *being there*
    or her always *showing up*
    or her always being sure she’s *smoothed out the way* for him to be able to get to her with no problems…)

    nope… :) aaaaahh *sigh*

    they like getting to us all by themselves.

    without our help.

    I’m just learning, but I’m love love loving it and love them for trying and love the effort they put in, how much heart, how they straighten up their proverbial shoulders when you require something of them :)

    i loved the feeling i got when one man agreed to step out of the comfort zone he’d laid out in his profile in order to make the way for me to feel safe.
    i don’t know him. it’s a tiny little thing. but im getting the *concept*.
    baby steps…
    seeing it acted out (how a man will change what he feels makes him comfortable for a woman he even *thinks* he might be interested in)
    getting the feeling that *he* felt good being able to do something to make me feel good (I really did feel this!)
    , seeing how i feel when men make even small gestures of being the hero… it all counts.
    it’s all practice.
    and fun.
    and fun for them too!

    and im loving standing here ever so patiently waiting…
    with them knowing, sensing
    Im going to wait here for them til they get here!!

    they GET it!!

    this goddess won’t be jumping in to help….. ohnonono mmmm-mmmm no!

    they can take as long as they need.

    i appreciate their effort.

    i’ll cheer them on and smile and wave from the turret window, but im going to allow them to ride the white steed across the moat and claim me, not the other way around!

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 7:04pm

  646. 646: SweetpeaNo Gravatar says:


    Re: #649: Thank you! It did turn out to be a beautiful experience although at the time I was going through it, it was beyond terrifying.

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 7:05pm

  647. 647: janjuneNo Gravatar says:

    …who said

    “I don’t give a fig…..?” :)

    that’s so cute!

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 7:06pm

  648. 648: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Brenda – i heard your story about what happened before…(ring issue)

    but to me, It REALLY DOES NOT AT ALL look like Ryan is toying with you like a mouse or anything close – in fact he seems plain and masculine

    could this be a pattern/belief – showing up to be healed?

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 7:06pm

  649. 649: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Sweetpea: ya, that was Nikita who posted it. I don’t remember reading or hearing it before. I probably did but it just didn’t sink in a the time.

    But it really resonates and like you said, you can keep the feeling regardless of if the man is around.

    And I totally got everything you were saying in your post.

    And something else just came to mind. I wonder if the jail thing is some kind of message/mirror. Is there a part of yourself that you have issues with for being wild or “breaking the law”. Maybe not literally but symbolically?

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 7:09pm

  650. 650: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Brenda – well… lets look at it … you were taking the masculine energy role Dominantly…

    he was put in the feminine role, and it might have been weird and destabilizing… for him… he might have been trying to play the feminine with you… totally lost (you think he’s in tune with emotions, but he’s a MAN … he does not know how to be a woman, gosh wE are just learning)

    he was thinking about marrying you but realized he couldnt

    you were in Masculine energy (this is not some conscious conclusion)

    so he didn’t propose in the end. YOu wre masculine, so taking your feelings into account was not an issue


    when i look back at how guywhohadababy “treated me bad”

    i realize it was ME who set it up that way by taking hte masculine role… what was he supposed to DO???

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 7:12pm

  651. 651: JenniferNo Gravatar says:

    Is anybody else getting alot of messages from POF stating that so and so wants to meet you?
    this seems odd to me……..

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 7:13pm

  652. 652: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    I don’t think it is a pattern or belief, because in my sheltered life, I bounced into the scary world of people with way too much trust. Ryan taught me not to trust more than anyone I ever knew. I learned to look behind every word he says, because he lies more than anyone I’ve ever known.

    It looks normal at a glance. But if I were to take an hour or so and explain step by step how he would lead me on, then cut me off at the pass over and over, you would see I was repeatedly heart-fu*cked. It was far more painful than mere yelling, criticizing, or whatever. Yet totally invisible. I may not ever be able to fully convey what I saw, because it was so subtle.

    Just to give you an idea, when I explained it blow-by-blow to Kenny, who is VERY street smart, he was shocked. He said it was one of the most sadistic things he ever heard of. Kenny doesn’t even know all this about how much I long for Ryan and that I’ve just gotten back in touch with him. It’s not a case of me hiding it. I wish I could discuss it with him. But Kenny is so full of rage toward Ryan because of how deeply he hurt me that Kenny can’t reason with me about it. So because I don’t feel supported, I don’t share it. Kenny is ultra protective of me.

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 7:15pm

  653. 653: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    Lol ok whatever erika
    hope you feel better soon. i’ll keep breaking down my own triggers here, whether you ironically judge them as judgmental or not. i recognize them and am present with them and say hello to them. you turn them against me to play victim. well, i DO feel sorry for you if that’s what you wanted. just not in the way you were probably hoping.

    btw, i think YOU’RE the one that’s hooked on the negativity here. that’s why you keep coming back even though you tend to garner negative reactions. and this time you come back saying something negative. maybe you’re just a drama queen in denial. either way i am done with trying to work anything out through you or with you. it feels toxic. feel free to just scroll past my posts from now on. i don’t want you commenting (read: JUDGING) on them the way you do to other women, and i’ll kindly pretend like you’re not posting, even if you’re telling other women they’re not good enough and that it’s no wonder they don’t have success with men. i will assume from this point on that those women can defend themselves against you.

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 7:16pm

  654. 654: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Brenda: I agree with Daria on that.

    And I mean that in the most loving way.

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 7:17pm

  655. 655: SweetpeaNo Gravatar says:


    Lol, yes. Pof. Has a new, wants to meet you that is similar to the wink on other sites, I suppose. I never did respond to any of them, but I suppose the sireny thing to do would be to “want to meet them” right back? (I can push a button, too, sucka. Lead on?)

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 7:21pm

  656. 656: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @576 Turtle Girl

    I’m in my sixties, do I really want to date? Hmmm, think so, I’ve been thinking about it after years of not, so we’ll see.

    I have so much to learn and since I know things take time, I’m spending time with myself, I have to figure out a lot of things. One thing is the CD/No girlfriend thing.

    By coincidence I expressed in post, that disappeared, a similar view to yours. When you mentioned guy wan’t you not to date others but “wanted more growth time” I thought that I would probably do a “let’s see what happens this fall, winter, spring, summer whatever season and stop CD for two or three months and observe what happens.

    I guess if no ring in three months or some other commitment–i don’t know what right now– I’d perhaps start looking around. Not really sure but this is kind of how I feel.

    I’m thinking guy would know in six months and three more to be sure. Is that too speedy? I’m assuming of course that i’m crazy about him at the same time!


    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 7:24pm

  657. 657: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    Re: #667 – About me being in masculine energy and him being left to be in feminine energy, that all totally resonates. I buy all of what you said here.

    I will add that he has HIGH feminine energy. He is NOT gay, and gets angry and insecure if anyone implies that he is. He’s what a lot of people would label as a “pretty boy” – smooth skin, not much body hair, long hair, skinny, handsome, and not very manly in his behavior.

    He is by far the most sensitive man I’ve ever encountered, in terms of being able to sense what is around him. Because of schizophrenia, he’s not sensitive in terms of responding compassionately.

    I was happy with his responsiveness last night! It looks like good growth to me!

    Just to give you an idea, one woman said to him (before we were dating), “Wow, you’re the ideal man! You’re sensitive like a woman! You’re like a lesbian with a penis!”

    So since I was not very in touch with my feminine previously, I felt frustrated when he wouldn’t take the lead. I WANTED him to take the lead. For example, once I was putting groceries from the cart into the car, and he just stood there. He didn’t open doors for me. If there was a decision to be made, most of the time he just stood there or asked me what I wanted to do.

    I was still new to Rori’s stuff and didn’t know how to respond. So the confusion of roles just got worse and worse, until the whole relationship felt like a push me-pull you. I knew things were off kilter, but I asked him repeatedly to please tell me when there was an issue or if he felt something was wrong. He would never voice it. Or rarely.

    He would just tell me by his actions. I felt deeply confused. Please excuse me for being so wordy. Don’t know how to summarize. I really appreciate your input!!!

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 7:27pm

  658. 658: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @637 Brenda

    “I value your beliefs, thoughts, and feelings. I feel sad when I perceive another Siren subtly putting herself down. ”

    I suspect you don’t value them above your own, do you? There was no self put down there. My beliefs are fairly well thought out and make changes when I take in new information. I’m working on forming some new beliefs about relationships.

    Saying my beliefs don’t count for much outside of myself means I mostly respect free will and the decisions people make for themselves. That’s all. Apart from that, my beliefs are the absolutely correct ones… 😆


    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 7:28pm

  659. 659: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Brenda: i think that by telling yourself this story about how manipulative R is, youre holding yourself back from taking responsibility for what you did to create the story. Maybe you are doing that to avoid the pain of taking responsibilty. But if you could admit it without beating yourself up, it might be very freeing. It might release that soul tie you are talking about.

    I think you are scared to death because you don’t want to hear you nv’s saying horrible things like “you messed up. This is all your fault”.

    But what if you told yourself “hey, I’m learning. And my next relationship is going to be so much better because of what I learned”.

    And maybe you would even feel gratitude towards R giving you the opportunity to learn this things.

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 7:30pm

  660. 660: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Sexy Lady Vibe,

    I didn’t copy it, but just above it you had also said something like “I’m not a professional here” so as a whole, it seemed like a subtle self-putdown. I did get that part, tho, about free will and not judging others. It’s all good. 😆

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 7:34pm

  661. 661: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @641 Brenda

    “…The instant jumps from hello to sex are a major turn-off for me, too…unfortunately, I have found they are par for the course….”

    Uh-oh, I won’y like that eigher. What do you think of the “jumps” in CL, aside from the obvious ads that solicit sex encounters? Would normal ads mean normal relationships? With normal people. Gee, I hope so.

    I’ve been looking at different CL cites, I saw a comment about PA Amish re: you, some time ago, if you follow the Philly CL I saw an interesting ad for guy there and thought about you, don’t know why really. He’s from South Philadelphia, Italian kinda cute. CHeck him out, about42nor 43…

    ya never know…I was moved to think of you…


    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 7:36pm

  662. 662: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Brenda: I feel nervous talking in advice voice.

    I just think that holding on to this story about Ryan isn’t in your best interest and it could be profoundly healing to let it go.

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 7:37pm

  663. 663: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    Some more words to live by:

    “…You deserve much better than this. If you insist on putting up with this crap, 15 years from now you will still be putting up with this crap — but probably from somebody else….”
    ~ Terry Hernon MacDonald


    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 7:39pm

  664. 664: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    Maybe I haven’t said so lately, but when I first got on the blog, I was kicking myself and beating myself up left and right over how badly I fu*cked up!!! I thot I said it on here on a regular basis in kinder terms to self, after Sirens here reminded me to give compassion to my weak parts. Many times I’ve called myself the “Queen of Overfunctioning” and stated how embarrassed I feel. I have MORE THAN taken responsibility for how it went. I am not denying that or hiding that in the least.

    That’s why Rori is so good for me, because she helps women get in touch with their insecurity and neediness that initiates man chasing and describes the dynamics of relationships like no one I’ve ever heard!

    I sure hope I don’t come across as a know-it-all here. I am VERY teachable and want passionately to GET this relationship thing!

    I’ve also been humiliating myself in how many times I’ve apologized to Ryan for intiating too much and overfunctioning.

    I just feel surprised that all that hasn’t come across on the blog, because I’ve been painfully gut level here! I very much want to change!!! Thanks! :-)

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 7:40pm

  665. 665: JenniferNo Gravatar says:

    ok….so I clicked on “yes” to the want to meet them thing…but there seems to be a never ending stream of ’em. Maybe they just post my matches?
    I dunno…
    Any way
    back to me
    I am doing up the apt.
    My dining room table is now chocolate chip coloured. Chairs to follow.
    The walls will be a pale cafe au lait. The feature wall one shade darker.
    the cabinets will be the same colour as the table. thw walls a pale straw.
    This makes me incredibly happy.
    Like deleriously happy.
    Like stupid happy
    When the main area of the apt is done…BEDROOM!!!!!
    I will feel sad to see my antique bed go….but it’s only 3/4 sized. There is no room for a man in there.
    Maybe this is telling the universe something?
    I have no room for a man?
    We shall adjust this tout suite.
    HMMMM……..wall colours?
    alternating linen and the same cafe au lait as the living room? Wide vertical stripes?
    Plum drapes….silver lamps…..dark wood dresser and book shelf?
    Is drooling over my apt similar to dating myself?
    I mean……dating myself is doing stuff that makes me happy…yes?
    So i wonder if it counts?
    What do you guys think?

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 7:41pm

  666. 666: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    RE: #678 – Awww, thanks for thinking of me! I’ll check out the ad. No, normal ads do NOT mean normal relationships. Even “STRICTLY PLATONIC” ads do not mean strictly platonic. I have been repeatedly disappointed and disgusted on CL. It seems like a cyber whorehouse to me. Am I a little jaded? Oh yea.

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 7:44pm

  667. 667: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    I mean the story about how he is manipulative and a liar and all that. Maybe he’s just a guy who doesn’t have a lot of masculine energy to begin with and just didn’t know how to outguy you.

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 7:45pm

  668. 668: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Brenda: It has come across to me that you take responsibility. I guess I am talking more about dropping the story about how manipulative he is.

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 7:48pm

  669. 669: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    I enjoy being a boy. This dating thing might be hopeless or there is going to be some serious reworking going on. I don’t seem to be getting through on this blog.

    I was so upset I forgot to eat dinner. So ordering dinner and I’m going to have a meeting with myself in about 15 minutes. I want to be prepared next time I do not want to be blindsided again, which siren said she didn’t even answer the e-mail. I need to take a lesson there. I was way too nice on the second one message.

    Some measurements are basic. If I’m crying, something is wrong, is one of them.


    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 7:50pm

  670. 670: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    RE: #571 – I feel very impressed and admiring reading your feeling message to Erika. I feel the same way, and you expressed it far better than I could have. You are a wonderful role model of feeling messages, and I appreciate that.

    I also feel open to advicey-sounding language when you can’t find a way to talk to me in feeling messages.

    I admit this relationship with Ryan is the most important thing in the world to me, next to serving and loving God only. I really am doing my best to grow thru this. I most definitely see Ryan as one of the most challenging means of inner growth I have ever encountered. He fascinates me, and I learned so much from him, just by observation, along with facing my own triggers and shortcomings.

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 7:50pm

  671. 671: SweetpeaNo Gravatar says:


    Wow! Well I don’t know what the mirror would be on the jail thing. I do have a dark side and I’m quite comfortable with it, but I tend to lean toward the legal side of that line just cuz I don’t have the cajones to risk jail.

    My first real bf was an addict & sentenced to a halfway house for repeat duis shortly after we started dating. So maybe there is something there I need to work through.

    Thanks for bringing my attn to it though. I thought it was just working through being judgmental on my part. But maybe there is something more to it…

    Btw, his court was for child support arrears. He was all caught up, but still not at all confident that they wouldn’t throw him in the clink.

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 7:50pm

  672. 672: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    I got this old-fashioned pink baby blanket for my kittens from Goodwill, and just touching it and looking at it make me long to be a mother! :-)

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 7:51pm

  673. 673: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    Can I tell them what you are trained in? I think it’s a howl that yer getting courted by a wild badboy!

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 7:53pm

  674. 674: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    I’m really really not trying to beat you up. I’m really trying to help and I hope it’s coming across that way.

    I’m just saying by holding on to this story about him, I think it’s making it impossible for him to come close to you. Ya know how we were talking about dogs and unconditional love?

    Right now I’m hearing you say you want Ryan to love you but you think all these horrible things about him. You think he is a manipulative, lying, mind f*cker. Why would anyone feel safe being close to someone who believes those things about them?

    Ya know what I mean?

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 7:55pm

  675. 675: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    I hear you trying to help me, and I really appreciate it. Not only do I think Ryan a manipulative, lying, mind f*cker, I KNOW he is a manipulative, lying, HEART f*cker. Who is capable of hurting me like searing fire in my heart of hearts.

    It’s a case of “Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.”

    He is off the charts toxic, according to Rori’s toxicity assessment and chart!!!!!!! Totally off the charts!!!

    This is not a “story”. This is not an “I think he is”. This is I KNOW he is and I KNOW what he can do because he DID it. It is historical fact, not fiction.

    I didn’t imagine that my own ring was missing for two weeks at a time when he had taken out a large loan and kept making liberal hints about rings and engagement being the most romantic moment of a romance. I didn’t wonder if he really sang a karaoke song at a bar with me about “working hard to buy you a ring”. It really happened.

    I would be an utter fool if I didn’t guard my heart.

    The fact that I still love him and still want him in my life isn’t because I am toxic. It is because I have the discernment to see this dark side of him as separate from the tender, gentle Ryan I fell in love with. It is the schizophrenia. He is responsible for his actions, but I believe he can be free and healed.

    I am in love with the man who cherishes woman and would never intentionally hurt a woman.

    This is complex. This is not a textbook romance. It is a mess. I value Ryan highly and am going to work through it as long as Ryan is willing. Maybe I should just keep all this off the blog. If a man is a genius with schizophrenia, he is not simple to figure out.

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 8:05pm

  676. 676: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    683: Brenda says:
    “I have been repeatedly disappointed and disgusted on CL. It seems like a cyber whorehouse to me. Am I a little jaded? Oh yea”

    I am disappointed to read that. I’ve been looking through CL ads since I read that one of the sirens had put up a small ad and met a few nice guys. It seemed a couple of them were ongoing CD.

    I’ll probably try it anyway and try for a few practice coffee dates. I expect meet up dot com to be better because built around activities.


    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 8:07pm

  677. 677: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    It just took me 5.5 hours to get caught up on and respond to one string of the blog. Wow. I have to discipline myself to do other things.

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 8:08pm

  678. 678: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    I hope you have better success on CL than I did.

    Once I posted under “Strictly Platonic”. In my post, I stated the definition of platonic, something like this: “involving friendship, affection, or love without sexual relations between people who might be expected to be sexually attracted to each other”

    I met a man for lunch, and afterwards he put his arm around me and tried to hug and kiss me while talking about whether I would have sex with him.

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 8:12pm

  679. 679: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    I don’t like to put Ryan down. I feel exasperated because I am trying to summarize the nature of the relationship. If he was a CD I just met, it would be different. I’ve been acquainted with him 3 years and we dated almost daily for 10 months. I KNOW him.

    I see much redeeming value in him. I am being open or I wouldn’t want to retry.

    I suppose I should be understanding, since I can’t expect others to know him just through my words.

    LG, I am not angry. I mean, I don’t mean to come across to you as harsh. I’m not good at softness 100% of the time yet. I am in process.

    I am only being wise to protect myself, like riding a whale who just killed someone the day before.

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 8:17pm

  680. 680: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    I guess this blog is an escape for me. I feel pressure, stress, and overwhelmed feelings in my every day world. I wish I had gone out instead. But I am here and now the evening’s almost gone.

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 8:18pm

  681. 681: JacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    Hiya, Brenda – I do not see this as a construct or a story or anything else. You’ve had your heart broken, you are willing to still love the man that did it. That man has a diagnosed mental illness – you love the man despite the illness. It may not turn into happyeverafter but he has something you need. Simple – and, IMO, when you no longer need it, you’ll be done. And I totally acknowledge for how hard you try to move on every minute you do, and I also acknoweledge you for every moment you choose to love, as I know you do.


    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 8:20pm

  682. 682: SweetpeaNo Gravatar says:

    Brenda, lol! Let me do the honors & I’ll fill you in on some background while I’m at it. Maybe that will help me to understand, or help the Sirens to help me.

    I am a paralegal by profession & I previously worked for the d.a.’s offc in another small town, usa. By another, I mean not the same one tree trimmer had court in (I live in a major city now).

    The good part to this, and the history I’m referring to is the way I got into it. When I was 19ish, I worked 4 to midnight in aforementioned small town and was getting pulled over regularly (once a week) after work for nothing. One of the cops was honest with me and told me “it’s about that time (meaning 2 a.m. And you’re driving by a bar.” I actually appreciated his honesty. Another time though, I was so tired after work that I looked at the speedometer in amazement that I was doing the speed limit (I mentioned I’m a speeder) 3 times w/in a block. When I got pulled over shortly after that, and asked the cop why, he told me I was speeding – no. Ok, you ran that light – no. Have you been drinking? I felt really weary of it after awhile and finally got a couple bogus tickets which I took to court and beat. I decided I liked beating Johnny Law at his own game so went to school to be a paralegal.

    Thoughts anyone?

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 8:26pm

  683. 683: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Jacqueline,

    Thank you! Ryan was handing out smiley faces last night! :-)

    Three mylar Happy Halloween balloons to you!


    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 8:26pm

  684. 684: janjuneNo Gravatar says:

    oh, hi jacqueline!
    that was a very tender post you just sent to brenda…. much the way i see what is going on with Brenda as well…

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 8:27pm

  685. 685: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    I hate that when they pull you over cuz it’s late at night. I knew a man who wouldn’t even drive at that hour, because it was like asking for a ticket.

    I’m too tired to think how that may relate to wildman. I think for me, I went for the rebels because there was a secret rebel in me. I was way too overcontrolled and overstructured. The message was, “You MUST fit into my mold! You may NOT have any thoughts or feelings of your own.”

    Pink Floyd, the Wall, appealed to me in the past.

    Now I’ve worked thru my rebellious stage, and I just want a wonderful man who loves me.

    When Ryan is his best self (as in, the schizophrenia isn’t manifesting), I feel cherished, loved, wanted, and cared for.

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 8:32pm

  686. 686: BrendaNo Gravatar says:



    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 8:33pm

  687. 687: JacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    Hi, sweetpea – I’m at a new address – jacquelinebrielle@yahoo.com. What I wanted to say is it’s complex – I lived with a three strikes felon who’d learned his lesson, took full responsibility and never went back. Became very spritual and ended up a favored teacher of the Native American Indian living elder Beautiful Painted Arrow. (Although I am the one who is Indian, and have spent time with Black Elk, in South Dakota, etc. and I find them to be prejuciced in the extreme AND his spritual path – when a book fell on my foot in a bookstore by Beautiful Painted Arrow, Joseph Rael, the same week I was invited to meet him…all to get the guy on the path….) So, he’s a statistic. And a very rare one, and a super guy.

    And then there’s the I have a felony DWI – this was back before I inisisted on social’s and RAN background checks – yep, he had ONE FELONY DWI – AFTER 5 regular DWI’s….and he got another about 4 months into us dating. Again, not your average criminal – he got out after # 2 felony and got married I believe. And again, a very nice guy.

    And I’ve known many people who just haven’t been caught. The difference as my ex explained to me? IF they believe it was NOT their fault – they’re going back. No matter what they did….if they’re making excuses that someone caused their behavior, they’re going back.

    So, it’s just something to watch for. In addition to the usual procautions. Like getting their real address checking it in the tax records – is there a woman on the deed – a wife, an unfinished divorce?

    I no longer believe anything a new guy tells me until I’ve substantiated it in some way.

    And, re: Craigslist – it’s how I met the guy I’ve lived with for a year and 2 months now, AND he himself founded a film and video meetup group with 55 members. He had no criminal – but he does have issues – child support, taxes, etc. Something that he didn’t volunteer because he says he knew he’d never get to take me out again if he did. So – no matter what you do you roll the dice.

    Myself, Jason and a few other coaches and article writers say have a short list – the five things you need, and be open to all the other’s being modified.

    And I like Brenda’s openess and advice about your feelings. However, I would NEVER marry the man I live with now because of his credit status. Since I don’t want to marry him or anyone really, it’s all good for me!

    You sound like you have a great social support system so I wasn’t worried about writing back asap. If you ever need to email me, you’ve got it – or through my blog.

    Craigslist is just like ALL the others, maybe easier because they are very upfront. (I found eharmony to be wimpy and match.com a total lie to you for sex and maybe never even meet you playground!)

    You get two real men wanting to date someone real for the 200 that posted that day. I found it amusing and enlightening to read what men say they want, and what they wrote. So it was part of my journey.

    Hope you’re having a great weekend with all this!!


    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 8:33pm

  688. 688: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    695: Brenda says:

    “I hope you have better success on CL than I did.

    Once I posted under “Strictly Platonic”. In my post, I stated the definition of platonic, something like this: “involving friendship, affection, or love without sexual relations between people who might be expected to be sexually attracted to each other”

    I only looked in the Platonic section once or twice; there were just as many sex ads there. Perhaps the people don’t know what platonic means, mistaking it for some kinky activity.

    I don’t plan to use any sex words in ads, even the way that you did it. I believe it confuses things. I’ll start with a mary kind of ad:

    Brisk walk and hot chocolate…it could be fun.

    Some variation of that. Maybe add a line or two for some ads but I probably will not use long form.

    What kinds of ads did you use? You mentioned something about unfair flagging…


    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 8:36pm

  689. 689: JacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    Hi back Janjune! I know you haven’t been around that much, and I’m glad you’ve found some time to be here. I’m not caught up and I’m selectively reading to avoid triggers and riffs….smile….so if I miss you- just want you to know you’re one of the faces I look for here! So, it’s good to connect!


    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 8:39pm

  690. 690: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Brenda: Well that’s my perspective. If it doesn’t resonate with you, I can accept that. Thank for feeling my intentions to help. That really means a lot to me. :-)

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 8:39pm

  691. 691: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    I flag em if they’re advertising for sex in platonic!! Hehe! I feel a lil embarrassed but I borrowed someone’s profile off of here and made it more my own. I think it was Barb’s. There was nothing remotely questionable in it.

    I think your approach is the best bet. I like that.

    I’ve been on here 6 full hours and that’s not cool. I gotta go…

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 8:39pm

  692. 692: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    Thanks! I mean, don’t you think I should have my antennas up so I don’t get hurt again? Wouldn’t I be foolish if I let my heart get broken again?

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 8:41pm

  693. 693: janjuneNo Gravatar says:

    hi brenda,

    being back in touch with ryan now may be an opportunity for you to explore …

    does it resonate with you to write down *what* it is you feel when he’s back in your life?

    not only i feel good
    i feel heard
    i feel safe
    i feel connected

    but deeper,
    more along the lines of
    I feel safe when ryan’s arms are around me because i know that ___________ can’t happen, etc.
    i don’t feel alone in the world when ryan says we can be friends. being in touch with him makes me feel _________ and i don’t know how to provide that for myself… i feel like i need him to provide ________ for me, so this is my clue that i need to ask about it on the blog to see what the others do to take care of their need for this?

    sending love to you….


    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 8:44pm

  694. 694: JoriNo Gravatar says:

    In Toxic Men program there is the exercise about meeting your “Stranger” – another side to yourself. Last night I did it after pausing the DVD and my Stranger was me, extremely sexy, sensual, confident, maybe a little lonely, soft. I thought, perhaps, I did it wrong…I was expecting a dark side of myself…maybe a messy, irresponsible hag or something.

    So, I did the exercise a few times today and still came up with a sexy (not sleazy) me.

    Then, this evening I watched more of the DVD about Strong Surrender and finding Strength.

    I came out with…”I feel invisible”
    then…”I don’t want to feel invisible”
    then…”I’m aware that I don’t want to feel invisible”

    So on thru the exercise. Then came the road block:

    I am somewhat reserved (not always, but never boisterous). I was an extremely shy (almost backwards) child. Very alone. Very lonely, isolated…invisible (for many reasons I won’t cover here).

    Although I am told I am physically beautiful, attractive and sexy I don’t “own” it…it doesn’t feel part of who I am and I remember now how I always felt embarrassed, even naked when men would look at me or comment. Of course, being shy didn’t help.

    So, my dilemma…I don’t want to be invisible, but how do I own my physical appeal, sexuality, sensuality if I’m also somehow embarrassed by it?

    (BTW…I have had some sexual advances from men at a young age, molested, and my mother used to make me bathe her so I think I have issues around these things, too.)

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 8:45pm

  695. 695: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Hey B, I’m getting ready to drive home. I’ll answer soon.

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 8:47pm

  696. 696: janjuneNo Gravatar says:

    ((((hey jacqueline))))

    are you still on here?

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 8:50pm

  697. 697: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Jori – what I remember from the stranger exercise…

    go to her… Giv her a Rose… watch what happens…

    even if its good / scary

    give her a hug (even if shes a disgusting monster)

    keep FEELING your feelings the whole time

    say: I am in charge now and I want to be friends… sorry for not listening to you

    see what she/it/he does/says

    then ask… Will you help me be more whole?


    then say bye and depart… keep feeling the feelings… let her know that now you will listen to her

    and come back up

    a shift will have occured.. your stranger will help you herself to be more whole from this point on

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 8:56pm

  698. 698: JacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    Hiya….well I’ve been waiting for someone to approve my using part of their story on my “La Femme Nikita” post and just got it! I wrote about it waaaaay back in 364. The guy’s a genius. He should be writing my blog. And I looked up definitions of riffing but he found another one – so I’ll include it in the re-write.

    So sad to Lizzie go-

    and HIYA ERIKA – I like you when you’re fiesty – It feels like cold clear water to me.

    Whether I agree with your or not, I’m always clearer.

    So, wishing everyone a great Sat. nite….and a beautiful fall day with this big orange moon I saw shining on all of us!


    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 9:00pm

  699. 699: JacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    janjune…just shutting down. are you around?

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 9:44pm

  700. 700: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:


    “Thanks! I mean, don’t you think I should have my antennas up so I don’t get hurt again? Wouldn’t I be foolish if I let my heart get broken again?”

    Yes and no.

    I’m going to use some examples from your story. I’m really struggling with how to say this…I’m just going to do my best.

    I would protect myself from within. For example, I would stay very present in the moment and not jump to conclusions. Like if I thought he was going to propose, I would make sure that I stayed really grounded until it happened. I would try to avoid building up huge expectations around something that hasn’t happened yet because that would set myself up for a big fall.

    I would protect myself by really working on developing my emotional intelligence (which I know you are already doing) and my coping skills.

    I would protect myself from within.

    By protecting myself by deciding that someone else is bad or wrong, I am actually blocking potential love from coming my way.

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 9:45pm

  701. 701: JacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    Janjune…off for now, write me sometime and g’nite everyone!


    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 9:48pm

  702. 702: SymanthaNo Gravatar says:

    Hi girls,

    what’s the Rori Raye rule for men who give you their phone number instead of asking?


    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 10:27pm

  703. 703: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    RE: #717 – Yes, I am totally with you now. I see now we were talking about the same thing. Again, I apologize that my way of communicating for a few posts was not up to my new par. I am going to reframe what I said to you tomorrow, because it is 2 am here now. But in my frustration and feeling misunderstood I was slipping into my old style of communicating.

    Yes, I am doing my very best to keep that mistrust and caution within. I am really reaching out to him in a major positive way.

    And everyone who knows my story around Ryan, please excuse me for the repeats. I put down a lot of stuff again cuz there are a lot of new sirens here, so they know what I’m talking bout.

    Thanks LG. Did you see what I wrote you about flirting and trust? I wondered if it was of any assistance and what you felt about it?

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 11:02pm

  704. 704: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    You could say:

    “I feel weird calling a man. I like it when a man calls me. Here’s my number:

    Something like that.

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 11:04pm

  705. 705: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    I really understood the stranger exercise much better. Thanks!


    I’m the messy, irresponsible hag you were unable to find within yourself! LOL! Aaaaaah!!! Scary! 😆

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 11:05pm

  706. 706: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    RE: #710 –

    I feel unsafe when ryan’s arms are around me because i know that deceipt can happen, and he sometimes withdraws affection. I feel sad when I don’t feel affection from him. Then I don’t want to give affection to him. I feel afraid that he’s trying to conform me into a willing slave.

    i don’t feel alone in the world when ryan says we can be friends. being in touch with him makes me feel fully understood and cared for, and i don’t know how to provide that for myself… i feel like i need him to provide affection and touching for me, so this is my clue that i need to ask about it on the blog to see what the others do to take care of their need for this?

    Thanks, Janjune!

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 11:12pm

  707. 707: HoneyNo Gravatar says:

    What exactly is the stranger exercise?

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 11:18pm

  708. 708: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Brenda: I didn’t feel offended by your communications.

    The reason I’m suggesting not telling the story like that anymore has nothing to do with me thinking that you are saying it too much here. I’m suggesting it because I think by retelling it from a different perspective it may help release and sort of reset the situation with R.

    I know you are a writer. What if you rewrote the story from the a perspective where there was no victim, perpetrator, or saviour? Where you both were equally responsible and innocent. Both just doing your best.

    How does that feel?

    I must have missed your post about flirting. Gonna look for it now.

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 11:39pm

  709. 709: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Brenda: how perceptive you are for bringing up the honesty thing because in hindsight, I wish I have have been more honest with him when he asked if I was flirting. I was flirting a little. It was harmless and it actually made me realize how happy I am with him.

    I felt resistant to saying that in text tho. Felt kind lazy. But I think my lack of honesty is part of why I felt so triggered.

    I agree with you though about being honest and also what you were saying about looking at nude art with R. I’m feel really open about that kinda thing too.

    Thanks for your feedback :-)

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 11:55pm

  710. 710: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Apple Jacks: hi! I saw your question and was excited to hear Nikita’s answer.

    She seems to be out frolicking tho and must have missed it. I hope you repost.

    Saturday, 23 October 2010 @ 11:58pm

  711. 711: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Jori: I feel really excited to read your explorations with the stranger exercise. I feel really motivated to go back and revisit it for myself.

    “So, my dilemma…I don’t want to be invisible, but how do I own my physical appeal, sexuality, sensuality if I’m also somehow embarrassed by it?”

    I got the sense from your post that you are not only embarassed by your sexuality but also scared of it. Maybe scared that if you own it, you will attract something dangerous to you.

    Does that feel true for you?

    Sunday, 24 October 2010 @ 12:10am

  712. 712: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Jori – if your stranger is showing up as Sexy, then that’s what it is that you need to see her/him/it as… don’t judge or try to change her… she might change on her own as you do the process

    – giving her the rose, and the hug, telling her you will listen, and asking her to help you be more whole –

    Sunday, 24 October 2010 @ 12:12am

  713. 713: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Brenda – when i need affection and touching… I do teh “surrender to the door/wall/tree” exercise…

    leaning against it as if it were a man and MELTING

    or I hug myself, making my arms strong, yet letting the rest of my body melt into my arms as if I was being hugged and surrendering into the strong arms

    ~~ at first hugging myself didn’t seem to work… my nv’s would say, no we don’t want you, we want a MAN… etc… but now it DOES work and I LOVE that i can provide this affection and protection for myself… ~~

    Sunday, 24 October 2010 @ 12:15am

  714. 714: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    I just read the most freakin insightful article, inspired by the Goddess Artemis to show me what the true history of wher I am from is all the way back to the Goddess and to now

    thank you Goddess I am blessed

    Sunday, 24 October 2010 @ 12:17am

  715. 715: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Sweetpea: awwww, that’s romantic. The paralegal with the outlaw boyfriend. :-)

    Sunday, 24 October 2010 @ 12:24am

  716. 716: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Daria: I wanna read it!

    Sunday, 24 October 2010 @ 12:27am

  717. 717: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    what question????

    Sunday, 24 October 2010 @ 12:32am

  718. 718: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    I’m getting sleeeeeeeeeepy……

    Sunday, 24 October 2010 @ 12:35am

  719. 719: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    LG – I wish you could… I’ll see whether I wind up translating it…

    but basically…

    the Goddess mother civilization of neolithic times around the Danube was 8000 – 2500 bc… mostly about natural places… symbol was the egg… women were the important figures… a lot of ART focused, peaceful, meditation
    … egg would be ideal figure, animals, deer, bird.. more
    female goddess… death to go to earth or rivers streams, Goddess in everything
    equinoxes mark birth rebirth

    then Indo european – Metal bronze and iron – male, sheephearding, animals, wolf, horse… 2500BC – 0
    Father God from sky, death go to sky, Anthropomorphic – means ideal figure man…
    symbols phallus, etc
    solstices mark birth rebirth

    0 – now christian – Son of God, from sky birth solstice winter, death rebirth spring equinox, anthropomorphic figure of jesus
    Crosses etc

    theres so much more i SEE now but that is some intersting basics

    Sunday, 24 October 2010 @ 12:39am

  720. 720: janjuneNo Gravatar says:

    hi bren,
    i’m really sleepy but i can just give you my take on it, which, of course, may not be what you need at all!…
    but the love is there even if this doesn’t help… :)

    so here goes:

    from reading what you wrote and knowing your story,

    is there any resonance in you with something of this nature:

    i know that ryan’s illness doesn’t allow him to consistenly love me or be there for me.
    as much as i love ryan
    the chemistry of his body makes it impossible for him to be my step up man

    he’s on my horse
    but i want my step up man so i can have the relationship i *want*

    ryan cannot be him in the foreseeable future because of the chemicals
    so i will open my heart and let that thought out
    out of me
    away from my body
    away from my mind

    i will keep the love
    but let the dream go…

    because i want to look for my step up man
    and make myself ready for him when he gets here so i can have the relationship i really really *want* with a man.

    l will do it.
    i will do the work
    i will make myself ready
    i am capable of getting ready
    i know this involves changes *I* must make.

    emotional changes
    openness changes
    stuckness changes
    dependence changes
    relationship concept changes

    i feel loved and cared for by my brother, so i *do* know a little bit about forming supportive relationships.
    i will start there.

    Lucy and i have become friends. I will start there too.

    Bill and I are friends as much as co-workers can be in the heat of the office battle!

    i’ll look there to look for clues on how to begin to form the friendships i need to feel safe and loved.

    i will love myself by pampering myself in small ways

    I will take fish oil and vitamin d everyday :) seriously! and a multi vitamin.

    i will eat *less* junk food, (nobody’s perfect!)even if it’s just an extra apple
    or a carrot
    or a piece of celery
    or some sunflower seeds (raw! :) )

    and two extra glasses of water.

    i will get the rest i need.

    i will be grateful for my kittens and the love and acceptance they provide, as i can learn from them.

    ….trying to think of what to write made me realize that for me alot of the changes i’m able to make now are coming from being grateful meaning looking at what i do have as opposed to what i dont have, and then going out and trying to get what i *want* instead of taking what somebody gives me.

    oh, im so sleepy…. :)
    you’re in my prayers brenda even when i’m not on here
    email me anytime
    nighty-night, sleep tight, don’t let the bedbugs bite

    Sunday, 24 October 2010 @ 12:41am

  721. 721: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    LG – I wish you could… I’ll see whether I wind up translating it…

    but basically…

    the Goddess mother civilization of neolithic times around the Danube was 8000 – 2500 bc… mostly about natural places… symbol was the egg… women were the important figures… a lot of ART focused, peaceful, meditation
    … egg would be ideal figure, animals, deer, bird.. more
    female goddess… death to go to earth or rivers streams, Goddess in everything
    equinoxes mark birth rebirth

    then Indo european – Metal bronze and iron – male, sheephearding, animals, wolf, horse… 2500BC – 0
    Father God from sky, death go to sky, Anthropomorphic – means ideal figure man…
    symbols phallus, etc
    solstices mark birth rebirth

    0 – now christian – Son of God, from sky birth solstice winter, death rebirth spring equinox, anthropomorphic figure of jes*us
    Crosses etc

    theres so much more i SEE now but that is some intersting basics

    this culture was a river culture spreading around danube delta to ukraine and east italy and down to greece

    originally same time as mesopotamian culture , then greek/roman culture

    tendency for academia to discount anything other than greek roman influenced as uncivilized

    this Danube carpathian culture was distinct with influenecs from the Greeks but also Indian religions with references to Shiva Yama, still alive today

    Sunday, 24 October 2010 @ 12:43am

  722. 722: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    On top of that I am seeing how the folk tales are RELATED to mythology, the hero, the woman in them… its DIRECT references to the many breasted Goddess… Bendis, called Ileana in our language…

    im wondering whether Ileana means Goddess now…

    and the way she was represented in those timesss

    on top of that i learned about the presence of marijuana in neolithic cultures… found the oldest evidence of it here would be late 3000 BC’s …

    I see it… i feel it.. i get it

    Sunday, 24 October 2010 @ 12:48am

  723. 723: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Nikita: AJ posted a question to you last night. It’s pretty far up. Sleephead. Were you frolicking?

    Sunday, 24 October 2010 @ 12:55am

  724. 724: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    i do the weekend thing with the bulls…..i was goging myself on food and tunneling ever deeper down/up the rabbit hole we refer to as the internet….. i remember AJ saying she found out her astro stats,….but i didn’t see a question…..ugh….I am fading it is like 4am over here….. I am done :)

    nite darling

    Sunday, 24 October 2010 @ 12:59am

  725. 725: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Daria: yum!

    Sunday, 24 October 2010 @ 1:06am

  726. 726: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Nite! I’m of to bed too. Zzzzzz

    Sunday, 24 October 2010 @ 1:08am

  727. 727: BarbinOzNo Gravatar says:

    #241 Jori

    Just popped in for a while, and wanted to say your post is soooo powerful and I feel so triggered and have tears streaming down my face.

    Here’s to you finding your Goddess inner light and letting it SHINE bright and sparkly lighting up your path as you ride off on your horse!!!

    Sunday, 24 October 2010 @ 1:22am

  728. 728: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    LG – wow for the translate button!

    here is the Link… and use Google Translate button on the google toolbar… tadah!

    Sunday, 24 October 2010 @ 1:44am

  729. 729: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    LG –

    oops heres the link

    Sunday, 24 October 2010 @ 1:44am

  730. 730: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    OMg – Orpheus is actually from this area… – and im realizing my favorite stories about when i was young…

    about the brave hero riding on the back of a great bird (reading about the bird being the Goddess of death)

    to bring back Ileana Sanziana who had been kidnapped… and taken underground

    IS the ORIGINAL Orpheus story that got adapted later in greek myths… no Wonder I didn’t like that he didn’t get her back!! HA

    here with m y mouth open

    Sunday, 24 October 2010 @ 2:04am

  731. 731: BarbinOzNo Gravatar says:

    #363 Renee

    I am so sorry Blondie has pulled the rug from under you again. Maybe he was a Messenger though sometimes it’s hard to figure out what the message is supposed to be, sorry if anybody has already said this but I am WAY behind in posts. (((HUGS)))

    Sunday, 24 October 2010 @ 2:17am

  732. 732: BarbinOzNo Gravatar says:

    #391 Dorothea

    Wow, go girl!! This is the kind of man I want, one who runs AFTER me, not AWAY from me LOL!! Must keep reading now for date update 😀

    Sunday, 24 October 2010 @ 2:31am

  733. 733: BarbinOzNo Gravatar says:

    #436 Lizzie

    Awww no, sooo sorry to see you go, maybe you will just have a break and come back when you have more time, I do hope so.

    Sunday, 24 October 2010 @ 2:40am

  734. 734: ReneeNo Gravatar says:

    Barb — Thanks for your warm hugs.

    It’s possible Blondie was a messenger of sorts for me, though I can’ seem to figure out what the message is at this point.

    My guy pal feels certain he’s going to txt/call again, and my gut tells me he will too, though to what end, I don’t know. I do know I’d love it if he went back into pursuit mode and we could try again, though on my part, I think there needs to be less accomodating/trying and more on his end.

    It’s possible that the thing I need to learn is to let a relationship go as soon as the guy starts making noises about getting out…that if I stop clinging to the remnants of a relationship, he will sense my willingness to let it go, which will be more likely to prompt HIM to step up to salvage it instead of me being the one who tries to save it. This situation reminds me a little of the one I had with the guy in Nashville who was definitely a toxic man — in his case, he was skittish from the get-go about being exclusive with me and we spent months of me trying to pressure him to be exclusive and him resisting (of course he resisted — I wish I could do THAT over again, but, I digress).

    Anyway — the relationship with Blondie started out sooooo much differently than the one with Nashville man, so it seemed likely it would end differently as well. Sigh…but perhaps I’m doing something that encourages these guys to run away. That’s my fear — that it’s really me that sends these guys packing…that once they get to know me better, I’m lacking something deep inside that they need to draw them in further.

    I know that one of the fundamental tenets of Rori’s work is that we are blessing men with our presence and they should be grateful we have deemed to spend time with them, and I do feel that way for the most part AT FIRST. But once things start to get deeper, I guess I start to feel grateful that he’s still hanging in there and it probably changes my vibe.

    I don’t know how to heal this, but I want to. My ideal situation right now is to meet this new man who lives 3 hrs away and hopefully that will go well and then Blondie will want to get back with me too, so I’ll have some real options on my plate, which should keep my vibe more into me and less into either one of them, you know? There’s also the pilot I’m meeting Monday night, but I’m not holding out much hope for him as he seemed nice but kind of like a stick in the mud when we talked on the phone. I’m willing to be surprised, though.

    I would soooo enjoy it if I had 3 men I was genuinely interested in to choose from…but it will be hard for Blondie not to have the edge when we’ve already been so close. But after the way he’s acted, he’ll have to really step up…problem is, I don’t know that I know how to really make a man “work” for me…what does that look like, exactly?

    Sunday, 24 October 2010 @ 3:13am

  735. 735: ReneeNo Gravatar says:

    Barb — btw — how have YOU been lately? Haven’t heard much about what’s going on w/you these days…any new cd’s on the horizen?

    Sunday, 24 October 2010 @ 3:29am

  736. 736: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    I feeling awed at myself. I think, reading the recent findings on my areas ancient mythology and drawing my own conclusions about things from other disciplines, I am one of the most knowledgeable authorities on the goddess and mythology in my culture – as in, the conclusions and insights I’m having haven’t been had before. I am at the forefront of ethnological studies in this area … And I’m just being me. This feels overwhelming , and it feels true. I have tears.

    I feel like I have Bern chosen to be blessed with the history of my people from the goddess since the dawn of my people. I out of all of u’s… To my knowledge, not anyone even Thinks this way that I see things now.

    This feels .,,, overwhelming, yet not, in a quiet way… Realizing that I’m the only one of the world who is beginning to understand my peoples magic that had always Bern there.
    It’s like we’ve had this big leather-bound book all along, but I’m the only one who sees it’s a book… And have opened it.

    Am I really meant to be this Big? I feel quiet

    Sunday, 24 October 2010 @ 4:15am

  737. 737: EllaNo Gravatar says:


    Feel so so un Siren like right now.

    Feel wildy insecure. Awful and it is all me. No one else.

    I went out with Mr Feel Good last night. And it was still good.

    Except for me and my issues!

    Well we went out and I tried to take some money out from my bank account. Only to discover I am completely broke. I knew I was short but thought I had some money.

    It turns out not. So by this time we were out on the towsn, with his friends and had been drinking.

    I should say that we were in a town 1/2 hour drive from where I live, no public transport and a taxi would have cost a lot of money.

    So basically I am stranded with no money. And I have to tell him.

    I felt sooooooo embarressed. I have never been in this situation before as before I changed my life recently and moved area I had a really well paid job.

    I was unhappy and decided to take a leap of faith, move and start my own business. However it means that I am financially short right now. In fact completely broke.

    So I was out with him and his friends and I could not buy any drinks or even pay for myself to get in the club.

    Now of course he was happy to take care of me and probably would have paid for stuff but the point is I felt sooooo vulnerable.

    Well I told him what was happening and how I felt and he was really sweet about it and lent me some money so I would be able to buy some drinks etc…

    But it felt kinda tense.

    And it so triggered me. I know this was probably a chance to practice receiving from men but I cannot tell you how uncomfortable I felt!

    And because I felt like that I made a big issue of it, instead of just recieving like a siren. So that made it all more akward.

    I felt unhinged and uncomfortable.

    And then in the club I got triggered again. I felt jealous when he knew some girls and was talking to them. They were really pretty and I felt jealous.

    I told him how I felt without blaming him and I think that was ok but I felt vulnerable AGAIN!

    So this morning I just felt kinda akward (oh we stayed together at his friend’s house – no sex but lots of cuddling).

    So we were in the car on the way back and the vibe was just totally weird and I am getting all these crazy emotions running through me, feeling totally paranoid because after we woke up he did that guy thing of being less attentive. You know how they do sometimes after a time of being very intimate with a woman.

    So I just started thinking ‘he doesn’t like me anymore, and he is not going to call me again’.

    Well the atmosphere in the car felt tense to me, and I could not even tell him how I felt this time because I just felt too exposed. Usually I can and it has been working really well but I just felt silly and like I had used so many feeling messages I felt like an idiot to say another thing.

    And scared.

    So all these emotions are going through me and I think he already thinks I am slightly buts because of the whole CD-ing thing.

    Well so almost the whole journey was in akward silence. The temptation to fill the silence and overfunction was MASSIVE! Butr I was determined NOT to lean forward. So I sat there and did nothing.

    I did not pick up the slack.

    But I feel totally off the wall.

    And I just couldn’t say my feelings.

    I felt so insecure. Like I need him to validate m e ALL THE TIME! WTF – how demanding is that, How can any man ever fill that void.

    Well I guess I don’t want them to but it scares me how needy I am!

    I didn’t know this about me.

    I am so used to having a front and being ‘cool’ and now, doing this I am so NOT cool! And it feels weird!!! So much easier to be cool. ANd guys did like me that way, they were attracted – but I guess maybe not on the level I want.

    So anyway right now I feel he just isn’t into me anymore because I am so goofy!

    Grrrrr, I feel frustrated.

    I want him to reassure me.

    I feel confused!

    Is this kinda thing supposed to happen?

    Sunday, 24 October 2010 @ 4:23am

  738. 738: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    I think I’m a lil bit in shock, and that’s why all the quietness. I crying a bit, I am overcome.

    Songs I’ve been singing all along since childhood turn out to be ancient funeral magic songs. And stories that were childrens tales turn into mythology of gods, I Am the goddess. From back then oh wow

    I don’t think anyone would understand , it’s like I expect silence.

    But the ones that would understand… This is a Big deal. Like Einstein and relativity big. Help me I feel overcome.

    Dear guides and goddesses help me with this enormous enormness… And feel good too, always feel good, no matter how frivolous the judgements say it is.

    I think I know more about the soul of my people than anyone else alive.

    Sunday, 24 October 2010 @ 4:23am

  739. 739: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    I feel kind of alone… But that’s the energy I called… What about some goddess friends and supporters. Will I then duck and not be the leader? Are leaders always alone? Maybe not, just Ahead.

    Sunday, 24 October 2010 @ 4:25am

  740. 740: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    And I just keep thinking of Christian Carter talking about how guys like ‘cool’ girls. And I am telling you right now I am NOT cool!

    I am the opposite of cool.


    Sunday, 24 October 2010 @ 4:27am

  741. 741: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Hey Daria,

    I see you here :-)

    Sunday, 24 October 2010 @ 4:28am

  742. 742: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Ella – Welcome to siren world… It’s not easy as it looks huh…

    Yes its supposed to happen. I’ve felt just like that… In all the parts you mentioned…so many times… Keep loving on you… And you get stronger from here.

    Sunday, 24 October 2010 @ 4:30am

  743. 743: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Ps – you did amazing… Just lovely every step

    Sunday, 24 October 2010 @ 4:33am

  744. 744: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you, I feel seen.

    Sunday, 24 October 2010 @ 4:33am

  745. 745: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    I feel upset with myself. I believe I ruined a good chance to let my guy take care of me.

    Siren’s listen to Rori when she says not knowing how to receive from your man messes up the balance of the relationship! It is so true – I kinow first hand now!

    Well so this is an icky time for me and him. I guess it will be interesting to see what happens now…

    But I know I need to work on my issue about receiving from men and feeling worthy to let them take care of me.

    And I also know I do not feel comfortable having no money!

    Sunday, 24 October 2010 @ 4:37am

  746. 746: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks Daria! :-)

    I feel reassured some.

    Sometimes I just think it would be so much easier to style it out and put on a front.

    Bit that flies in the face of everything we are doing here! That is not authentic at all!

    It is confusing,

    Can we be cool and STILL in touch with our feelings? Is there a balance?

    Maybe we get to a point where we can so handle our feelings that we just are cool. From a place of strength.

    But I am not there yet! Lol

    Sunday, 24 October 2010 @ 4:41am

  747. 747: ReneeNo Gravatar says:

    Ella — I imagine you felt very vulnerable around this guy and that this would beat very scary…it does feel like maybe you need to get better at receiving, because it sounds like you felt terribly guilty for asking and ashamed as well and I don’t want you to feel that way — you’re a goddess and deserve to be given to!

    But I’m feeling kind of resentful for you right now that this guy wasn’t paying for everything the whole night on his own initiative. Were you on an official date? Even if you weren’t and you just ran into each other somewhere, I think most guys who are into you offer to pay for your drinks for the evening. Can you explain this dynamic to me a little more?

    Sunday, 24 October 2010 @ 4:46am

  748. 748: ReneeNo Gravatar says:

    Not “beat” very scary…”be” very scary — typos – grrr!

    Sunday, 24 October 2010 @ 4:47am

  749. 749: EllaNo Gravatar says:


    This occured to me too.

    It was a funny one. I was going to a bonfire and he had asked to see me so I invited him along. So for the first part of the evening we were with my friends.

    And then we went and met his friends in town to go to some bars and clubs… he said they were going out dnacing and I said I fancied doing that too, so we joined up with them.

    The thing is they were all happily buying me drinks… it was totally my issue.

    When I am out with a bunch of guys NOT on a date I do feel like at some point I want to buy a round. I am happy for them to buy MOST of the drinks… but I am not comfortable to not pay for anything and think that they would judge me (I have NO idea whether they would or not but it triggers me bad!).

    SO I didn’t even give him a chance to offer to keep buying me drinks or pay for me.

    All the dates we have been on so far he has no questions and I have felt fine.

    However after going to the cash machine last night and having NO money I just freaked out.

    Sunday, 24 October 2010 @ 4:56am

  750. 750: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    I feel like I have messed up with this. But I felt out of my depth!

    And it freaked me seing ‘insufficient funds’ when I tried to take out some money.

    He just told me not to worry, but my behaviour totally disturbed the balance.

    Although I am probably being hard on myself.

    Can anyone tell me what may have been a better SIren like way to deal with this situation?

    Sunday, 24 October 2010 @ 4:59am

  751. 751: JeannetteNo Gravatar says:

    Girls, I feel vulnerable..Twice when I told my guy that I wouldn’t be able to see him on a certain day which we usually see one another he has said, “Okay, then we’ll take a break.” What in the world is that supposed to mean? I asked him in a nicer way and he just chuckled and said, “Well we can rest up a bit….” Maybe it’s cuz he has cancer, when I ask him sometimes he says he’s tired….I don’t know. Any thoughts? I don’t think I’m really high maintenance.

    Sunday, 24 October 2010 @ 5:01am

  752. 752: JeannetteNo Gravatar says:

    Ella, maybe a better siren like way would have been…Wow, I’m in the infant stages of developing my new business and it makes it rough to know where I’m at with my finances at times..Do you still want to go out or would you like to come back to my place and see a movie…Ella, how long have you been seeing this guy?

    Sunday, 24 October 2010 @ 5:08am

  753. 753: BarbinOzNo Gravatar says:

    #751 Renee

    Well since my sister’s husband passed away last weekend at him just turned 50 and constant phone calls and emails back and forth to England to my family, then my son telling me on Wednesday that he is packing in everything here in Australia and going back there to live indefinitely it has been quite the chaotic week. I dropped him off at the airport last night and he should be arriving right about now after a 24 hour flight, and then he has the funeral to attend the next morning so CD’ing is not on my mind at all. In fact I have put my 2 dating site profiles on hold for now and have barely been on here hence my being so much behind on posts and updates……………my sister has lost her soul mate and they were so lucky to have found each other and I did feel somewhat envious that they had that, then I feel guilty for even feeling this way because I am so sad and lonely but am also feeling bad so much for my sister and she has been keeping it all together because she told our other sister that if she lets it all out the pain will be unbearable…….and she is sleeping in his old clothes because the smell of him keeps him around her in her own bubble of love…………and this one nice CD man has kept on phoning me and I keep getting missed calls and I haven’t even spoken to him yet bu I feel so guilty that he has paid $10 to contact me on the paid dating site but I just don’t want to go there at the moment and I wasn’t even that attracted to him but he seemed like a decent sort and Rori says we should date all of them unless they are repulsive and I am so confused because I keep reading these posts of ladies who are CD’ing for months and the men don’t want to step up and they do the no girlfriend talk and it all goes down the pan, and I think well my sisters (both of them) didn’t do the CD thing……….and they both of them ended up with good decent, kind, caring men and the whole CD thing is so very not me, and so very not English or Australian and I thought this was a US thingie that you date loads of men all at once and then I read from the posts here that you don’t do that………and oh I am so confused and my head has been all wooly all week and I have made silly mistakes at work and why does it all have to be so bloody hard and difficult and why can’t it all be simple and easy?

    Sunday, 24 October 2010 @ 5:14am

  754. 754: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    RE: #725 – I feel pretty much on the same page with you. What I expressed to Ryan was I want a fresh start. And that means clean slate…between both of us. That is in my mind.

    I am just trying to be wise and prepared. And the main reason I went into the issues of last year is because several women asked about me obviously being in love with him yet saying I just want a friendship. I was just addressing why I honestly want just a friendship.

    I was suggesting YOU were saying what you did cuz of being sick of rehash of my story. I just added that cuz in the past sirens have said we already know your story!

    Sunday, 24 October 2010 @ 5:17am

  755. 755: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    RE: #455 – Apple Jacks asked you a question.

    Sunday, 24 October 2010 @ 5:21am

  756. 756: EllaNo Gravatar says:


    Just over a week.

    Owww, I feel I am going to be judged here.

    I know I am sounding a bit crazy in the way I am talking about him and I need to lean back.

    It has been a kinda intense week. I think he would have seen me every night if I had let him and I think he wants me to be his g’friend.

    And I know how crazy this all sounds after 1 week.

    I am not actually going to do anything here…

    I am just massively triggered right now.

    It’s kinda weird because normally if I like a guy there are none of these type of issues because I would just start seeing him and then progress to become his g.friend after a while.

    However because of CD-ing I have told him that I do not want to be a g’friend and it is like that increased the intensity from the start!

    And it is like an elephant in the room. I think it bothers him as obviously he would have liked to explore whether we could have a relationship and I have kinda taken that off the table.

    Weird dynamic.

    Have others experienced this?

    Sunday, 24 October 2010 @ 5:24am

  757. 757: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    RE: #736 – That was really nice. Thank you for writing that out! I have been trying to let go of the dream of Ryan for a solid year, and I have not been able to. That’s been a big part of my struggle. I am in love with a man who is not able to step up in the foreseeable future.

    So I am making those steps. I am doing my best to change and become my best self, and I am more than open to meet other men in public.

    Sunday, 24 October 2010 @ 5:28am

  758. 758: JeannetteNo Gravatar says:

    Girls, any thought about #767? Just curious…

    Sunday, 24 October 2010 @ 5:32am

  759. 759: EllaNo Gravatar says:


    I think he is just agreeing to take a break from seeing each other on those nights as you suggested and he is going to use the time to rest up….

    that is what it sounds like.

    OR maybe by using those particular words he is also seeing whether he can get a reaction from you… probably not in a maliscious way.

    It is hard to say without knowing him however this is what first came to mind when I read the post.

    Sunday, 24 October 2010 @ 5:40am

  760. 760: ReneeNo Gravatar says:

    Ella — I don’t think you did a bad job of handling the situation per se…I think the concern is that you started feeling not worthy of his money and attention after you realized how broke you were. The thing is, I totally understand this because my business (I’m self-employed as well) has been very challenged this year and I sometimes get triggered by financial insecurity too, so hopefully it makes you feel better to know you’re not alone in that regard.

    But I think the sireny thing to do would have been to admit to being embarrassed about being temporarily low on funds and just feel good about the fact that he was willing to step up and lend you money. Being happy and appreciative and feeling fortunate that you were with a guy who understood your predicament…I may be off base here, but when I put on my “confident, relaxed, happy” hat, that’s what I see a “cool” woman would have done…not let the lack of funds gnaw on her all evening, which probably did affect your vibe (it may very well have affected mine).

    My financial insecurity is such that I don’t want to admit to my dates that this year has been a big challenge for me financially…it’s actually gotten a bit better lately, but the first half of the year was a huge struggle. At this point, when people ask me how my business is going, I tell them it’s picked up some lately and things look good for ending the year on a high note, but that the first half of the year was pretty challenging. But I have to admit, I’m sharing my optimism with them in part so they don’t judge me as a person who maybe can’t take care of herself, so I’m struggling a little with the same issue, I suppose. I’ll be interested to hear what the other sirens have to say on this topic…

    Sunday, 24 October 2010 @ 5:43am

  761. 761: JeannetteNo Gravatar says:

    Ella, sounds about right…thank you. Why did you tell this new guy you don’t want to be his g’friend? Did Rori say to say that or did she say, I am CD’ing right now until which time i can decide who’s g’friend I will be. To just flat out say, I don’t want to be your g’friend sounds cold to me…what do you think? Does he already turn you off or something? Just curious Ella.

    Sunday, 24 October 2010 @ 5:48am

  762. 762: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    RE: #767 – I am learning when a man says something that makes me feel rejected or uncomfortable to sit with my feelings in that very moment and voice them. It often feels really vulnerable to say so. I would have tried to say something like this:

    Wow, that feels weird. I wonder what you mean by take a break?

    Oh, I feel uncomfortable. What do you mean?

    Rori teaches us to not try to figure out what a man is thinking. I know it’s hard not to, but it’s a waste of energy. Just tell him how you feel.

    Sunday, 24 October 2010 @ 5:52am

  763. 763: EllaNo Gravatar says:


    Thanks so much. I am starting to feel better.

    That is definitely it. Feeling insecure about my financial situation.

    And also I realise now that I have an uderlying feeling of guilt. Because I chose to leave a well paid job during a recession!

    I made the decision following a kinda mini breakdown and suffering with stress. I was so unhappy.

    I have now moved out of the city and back to my family home, and I am working at building up a business doing something I love.

    But I feel guilty as I am having to rely on others at this time. Including my parents. And I am 30!

    I sometimes feel ashamed of this and a bit like a loser!

    These are the issues I am dealing with right now and they spilled over into my date a bit.

    But – I did manage to put on my confident hat and danced happily with him for most of the night… just a few icky moments with me feeling bad about it!

    Sunday, 24 October 2010 @ 5:52am

  764. 764: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    I feel so happy with you in your discovery, finding your path, finding your roots, feeling your power!

    Sunday, 24 October 2010 @ 5:53am

  765. 765: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @755: Daria says:

    “…Are leaders always alone? Maybe not, just Ahead…”

    Good words.

    In a word…word! 😀


    Sunday, 24 October 2010 @ 5:53am

  766. 766: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    You did something VERY brave and sireny by moving and starting your own business! You are following your P.O.P.!!! I am looking to do the same as soon as possible, and it’s a scary leap of faith!

    If you haven’t read it, I recommend “The Power”, about abundance, etc. I am looking into small business loans and or grants…is that a possibility for you? I also recommend Mary Lockwood as a business coach. She is a siren on here. You can find her at http://www.capturinghappiness.com/. She is sharp and can help streamline your efforts at starting a business. I am going to work with her as soon as I get the money to start my business!!

    Don’t let anyone steal your dream, especially the NVs! Ride, Sally, ride!

    Sunday, 24 October 2010 @ 6:01am

  767. 767: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @777: Jeannette says:

    “…or did she say, I am CD’ing right now until which time i can decide who’s g’friend I will be….”

    I don’t want to be a “butt-insky” and I understand “no girlfriend” policy but gee, for me this does not sound good. I don’t plan to use this line. Did you ever say this to someone? What happened next?

    I can envision some guy freaking out if I said such a thing. Hell, I’d freak out too–big time– if some guy said that to me!


    Sunday, 24 October 2010 @ 6:08am

  768. 768: EllaNo Gravatar says:


    No, I didn’t explain well. I did not say ‘I don’t want to be your g’friend’ I said that I did not want to be A g’friend! In the context of the No G’friend speech.

    I was saying how I am looking for someone to settle down with and I do want to get married and until that time I would like to continue to date…

    So hopefully not too cold, although I have to say it still triggered me to feel guilty!

    Sunday, 24 October 2010 @ 6:19am

  769. 769: JeannetteNo Gravatar says:

    Senior Lady Vibe, I just thought it might have sounded better then saying….I don’t want to be YOUR girlfriend….hell if I know. Never used either line on a man…I just say what feels right for me at time time…Really, I would only bring it up if the conversation came up.

    Sunday, 24 October 2010 @ 6:21am

  770. 770: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks Brenda! :-)

    Sunday, 24 October 2010 @ 6:28am

  771. 771: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @785: Jeannette says:

    “…Really, I would only bring it up if the conversation came up.”

    I agree with you there…so far in my thinking I plan to leave well enough alone…unless specifically asked to be a “girlfriend.” Do guys ask that?

    The weather is wonderful, wonderful day ahead and I am having a fabulous breakfast but alone. I hope this time next year there will be a guy here!


    Sunday, 24 October 2010 @ 6:36am

  772. 772: JoriNo Gravatar says:

    Laughing Goddess #728….Yes, attracting something dangerous is very much part of it. Thank you soooo much for your insight. As soon as I read your response it was like,”Wow, how did I miss that?”

    I know that as I’ve gotten older men have become more and more frightening: my belief of them is…they are selfish, perverts, want to own you AND stay away at the same time, are inept, and physically unappealing (unless it’s Lenny Kravitz or some other super-hunk).

    I’ve been treated very inappropriately and also molested by: teachers, swim coach, martial arts instructor, supervisors. I’ve been engulfed by my weird and sick mother. I’ve been raped, abducted…my sister has been beaten severely several times by guys and also kidnapped at gunpoint and raped (she hitchhiked)…I saw my father lose control and rip her clothes off her (I was 12) when she came home late for dinner (my sister is paranoid/schizophrenic also early drug/alcohol use) and I cried and shouted “Stop it!” and he came to me and punched me in the back of my head. And my uncle grabbed my and cousins hair and slammed our heads together for making a prank phone call (actually I just sat while cousin made call. I was only 8) and I started vomiting and my grandmother told me not to tell anyone.

    And my foster brother was homeless so I would sneak him in my window and one night he started feeling me up.

    And, I’m sure there is more so my impression of men is that they are so dangerous and I hate them, but I like them if they are an ok guy, but just I’m so afraid of them now (after some painful relationships and breakups like now).

    And, when I was 16 I was a lifeguard and there was one patron who kept staring at me and I realized he was masturbating in the pool while looking at me.

    And, one time I was parked on a city street waiting for a friend and a man came up and pulled his penis out and started masturbating right at my window.

    And…I want to go puke now.

    Sunday, 24 October 2010 @ 7:18am

  773. 773: JenniferNo Gravatar says:

    OMG Jori!!!!
    I feel so empathetic towards you right now. I also feel hella angry!!
    I wanna smash those people! WTF!?!?!?!?
    I feel triggered.
    We’ve had a lot of violence towards women in this area lately. So I feel like overwhelmed by it.
    I feel wicked sad that your instructors were in on it too…that’s terrible.
    I wish you could meet my Judo instructors….they design self defence for women….Judo man like women ALOT…but not in a pervy way. At least not to me.
    And TJ in my class is ultra respectful of women. I wish you could meet them to help you remember that there ARE men in the world who respect and even love women.
    I promise they exist.
    I know that doesn’t help.
    I feel ineffectual here.
    I wanna hug you.
    Wow…that’s kinda pale in comparison to what I wanna do.

    Sunday, 24 October 2010 @ 7:31am

  774. 774: JoriNo Gravatar says:

    I feel apologetic for my last post because it is such a negative way to start the day.

    Ella 753 It sounds like you feel as if you aren’t being “you” and, if that is true, I feel the same way. These tools are very difficult for me at times because I feel unnatural, contrived. I think that eventually once we understand how to be and not be that it will be integrated into our natural personality. Does that make sense? I know what you mean about how guys liked you cool…you can be still you and cool while using Rori’s tools (don’t ask me how though, because I’m still suffering from feeling like I’m making myself into a RoboSiren…a clone…not really able to negotiate who I am with the tools.

    Daria – Reaching epiphanies are amazing and sometimes trying to explain/express them (like a dream) seems impossible…those amazing “aha” moments. I hear you.

    Sunday, 24 October 2010 @ 7:33am

  775. 775: LuzyNo Gravatar says:

    It has been two weeks since the Magician has not call me. I have not call him either. Truth is we never really broke up, he just did not make it for a date and never call after that. I miss talking to him, but I guess he does not feel the same way and I just have to let it be.
    As time passes The more i get the idea that he wasn’t that into me or that he just realized I wasn’t the woman for him. However, this has happened to me before men go away and then they suddenly come back after my life is back on track and I am doing better; My attitude is “who does (this guy) think he is?” never reach to me for a while and now he comes back? And I just let (him) have it and that’s the end of it.
    However, I am realizing that this is becoming a pattern that I have to break. What should I do if he ever comes back? Should I ignore him? Let him know it is too late (even if it isn’t)? Or just let him explain himself?

    Sunday, 24 October 2010 @ 8:56am

  776. 776: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Jori: when I was reading your story, I actually felt really excited for you. I know that might sound kinda weird. I didn’t feel excited that painful things happened to you. Not at all. But as I was reading it, I felt so excited because all of that is in the past. It’s done and over. And now you are a strong, powerful, sexy adult woman who can transform all of that.

    In my imagination, I could see you using what you learned in those past experiences to help other women and girls. I could see you transforming familial patterns. I could see how all these amazing things could come out of it. How beautiful!

    I could see how the stranger exercise helps us to transform those dark parts of us and make us whole (as Daria was saying).

    I truly believe that you will never be abused like that again. You know too much now. You are tuned into your instincts. You are in charge. You are powerful!!!

    Sunday, 24 October 2010 @ 9:57am

  777. 777: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    RE: #789 – I feel deep sadness and compassion reading what you went through. I pray for your complete healing and happiness when I think of you.

    Sunday, 24 October 2010 @ 10:08am

  778. 778: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    My perspective is…

    When we are young, we’re not really creating our own reality. We are just too influenced by the vibrations of those around us. It’s more of the information gathering time where we have all sorts of experiences.

    But then we grow up. And then, watch out. We are in charge. And that’s when we can transform those patterns. We’ve gathered all sorts of information and experiences and then we get to write our own story.

    And often the best stories come from the biggest challenges.

    I mean look, you went through all that and you are still here, doing the exercises, relating with others.

    And I see your stranger as strong and deviant. She’s saying “even though all this happened, I’m still here and sexy as ever and nothing will take that away”

    So beautiful!

    Sunday, 24 October 2010 @ 10:09am

  779. 779: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Feeling much better now.

    I had a stressful time trying to sort out a credit card bill and it triggered me to feel the sadness and loss of my previous life with my ex. I just felt like ‘I have no home, I am a drifter and I cannothold down a real life. I am just a drifter!’

    and then I burst into tears, which I have not done for ages, since I was crying over my break up months ago. But I just cried and then cuddled myself and then I asked for a cuddle from my mum.

    Then I felt better.

    I noticed guilty feelings come and go today, which is amazing progress as I normally get stuck in feeling guilty.

    I also spoke to Mr Feel Good…. and it made me feel good! lol. I felt reassured hearinghis voice. I kept it light and we laughed as we have had a few heavy conversations recently.

    I really don’t feel like CD-ing at the moment, but tomorrow I will get back on it. There is a reasonable looking guy contacting me on Match so I will follow up there.

    I feel proud of myself because I resisted the temptation to overfunction with MR Feelgood this morning. I held the space. This is progress.

    Now just to perfect my Siren/goddess vibe.

    I get a bit lost in my ‘negative’ feelings sometimes and I realise that while I need to hear and express these I also need to focus on being positive!

    It feels better for me this way and good thoughts help create good feelings for me as well as a good vibe. Although I feel peace through expressing my NVs.

    Sunday, 24 October 2010 @ 10:16am

  780. 780: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Ummm, I didn’t mean to say deviant. I’m don’t remember what I said but someone auto spell check changed it to deviant. Weird

    Sunday, 24 October 2010 @ 10:18am

  781. 781: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Owww, and now to learn how to be cool AND authentic AND magnatizing at the same time.

    Wohooo, I love being a juicy, real woman…

    Sunday, 24 October 2010 @ 10:18am

  782. 782: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    And one thing I noticed in the club I went to last night was that it full of pretty girls ACTING sexy, and the difference between those who ACT sexy and a Siren is that Siren’s don’t ACT sexy, we ARE sexy! We do not act anything.

    We ARE! And that feels good.

    Because then we are sexy it comes from a real place and is authentic.

    Wohooo, I love being real and sexy!

    Sunday, 24 October 2010 @ 10:22am

  783. 783: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:


    Sexy, strong, defiant stranger saying noone will ever take my sexuality away from me.

    Sunday, 24 October 2010 @ 10:24am

  784. 784: life_is_too_short_to...No Gravatar says:

    Hi everybody, i have a question (below), but first of all,
    i want to say, i am reading and embracing you all,
    rooting us all on, feeling the range of emotions,

    learning so much, amazed at our courage, the similarities of our plights, and it helps so much not to feel alone in my feelings and situations.

    I’m taking a break from writing here because i have to get mega-serious about taking care of many things, like financial matters, my home, helping my children and parents, finding more work, really feeling my feelings and getting out more for socializing. I’m a homebody loner by nature and that vibe needs to be tweaked a little, by going out just to enjoy myself, not necessarily to find a man, because if you have that mindset only it’s obvious and not too attractive.

    Special thanks to KS, Daria and LG for the latest encouragement….

    Anyway, my Question is:

    I am under the impression that Rori has said that she would not date a man who is interested in other women.

    I am grappling with this. I kind of agree with it, but doesn’t it depend on the situation ? a case by case basis ?

    Say you want to see and explore relationship possbilities with a man who has been married for 30 years and recently divorces who just wants to enjoy his freedom a bit and doesn’t want to even think about getting exclusive with anyone at that point, but you feel is really interested in the whole you, and you already feel potential, and really enjoy each other.

    But you don’t want to just stop seeing him because he wants to keep his options open, just like we do with circular dating.

    Why should the man always be expected to know/feel right away if you are The One and stop seeing anyone else? Even if you are doing all the right things to reel him in? Maybe it’s timing.

    I am really beginning to feel that putting labels and parameters on what is going on and analyzing can actually steal the magic that IS going on and prevent things from progressing naturally, as specific to that unique relationship.

    What I am finding VERY helpful is to avoid trying to figure out what a man is thinking or how he might react or respond to something I say or do….staying out of his mind. I like how loneplum constantly refers to that.

    I am also finding that I have a lot of fears to face that probably have nothing to do with the man.

    What do any of the Sirens think?

    Sunday, 24 October 2010 @ 10:27am

  785. 785: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    Deviant is a fun word! LOL! I think what you said was beautiful! What had you intended to say to her?


    I went thru the phase, too, where I felt like I was supposed to come a robot siren. Rori explained to me that it wasn’t about becoming like her. It’s about finding your own unique voice thru experimentation. I can’t find exactly what she said. My understanding is that these tools are to guide us to become more and more at ease to express our deepest feelings.

    I’ll just speak for me. I don’t want to misquote Rori.

    I was feeling extremely inept at relationships and in how to express my thoughts and feelings without sounding like I was blasting. I started out doing my best to use Rori’s feeling messages verbatim. Little by little, I am making them my own.

    So I think the end result is to speak YOUR deep truth out of your heart, mind, soul, and spirit, and be able to share it with confidence and freedom.

    LG, that was really beautiful about being able to choose our life in adulthood. You are really insightful.

    Sunday, 24 October 2010 @ 10:29am

  786. 786: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    SLV and Jeanette –

    With some of the guys I have been dating in this small town in the UK there is an expectation that you will become their girlfriend if you go on a few dates with them!

    I have used the No G’friend speech when guys have started talking as though I am their g’friend and talking about a relationship…

    Maybe prematurely but I get triggered by my guilt and afraid of reactions when they see and hear I am dating others. I do not want to give any ammuinition for anyone to say I am a player, or that I lead people on, or am dishonest…

    I feel afraid of those labels and being judged.

    So I hit them with my ideas about dating as a general conversation early on. Then I think they have their eyes open from the beginning and I feel honest.

    And yes I do feel afraid that it will put them off.

    It did with date guy (or maybe not actaully I think he wouldn’t have stepped up anyway, and when he did step up a little it was after hearing that I was dating another).

    And so far Mr Feel Good has stepped up despite the No G’friend speech. However I do think it bothered him… but then Rori teaches us to expect that…

    I need to beleive in this to stay strong and so I don’t have excuses not to CD.

    Sunday, 24 October 2010 @ 10:31am

  787. 787: RachelNo Gravatar says:

    I could use some Siren advice. I just had really weird text conversation with my guy. I have been leaning back and letting him take the lead in communication for the past few months. He really stepped up and I was thrilled. The past two weeks have been quieter … something little each day, but I have felt like a lower priority. I have stayed leaning back and filling my days with good things and good thoughts. And now today, this conversation:

    Him: u may not be aware of it, but your attitudes seem to have changed

    Me: i don’t feel that they have

    Him: there was a period when you seemed a lot more intensely interested in me. if i didnt send an email or something you would wonder why. now, you can go much longer without communicating and you yourself dont communicate as much and u are willing to accept things are different

    Me: that is true but it doesn’t mean that i’m not as intensely interested

    Him: ok … i’m just telling you what i’ve observed. or maybe there is another influence that i’m not aware of

    Me: i would love communicate much more but i have told you that i want you to take the lead … it feels so much better to me that way

    Him: you can do what you want. i guess it is what it is

    Me: i have continued to be here and respond every time you write or invite me to chat

    Him: you have

    Me: this past week you haven’t been around as much
    so therefore, our communication has been down. if you want to spend more time together, you know where i am!!

    Him: ok

    Me: it just doesn’t feel good to me to be the one rowing the boat

    Him: look, i get what is going on. u dont have to spell it out for me and i guess that is the natural ebb and flow of things so, i accept it

    Me: Explain?

    Him: i think you are stepping backand that you are thinking it will be a long time or maybe never again that i will see you so you are willing to accept a lower priority in the relationship

    Me: are you making me a lower priority?

    Him: no

    Me: i am accepting what you are giving me

    Him: ok

    He then said he had to go and quickly ended the conversation.

    I feel really frustrated! HE has been the one setting the pace and now he’s upset that I’m pulling back? I don’t know what to say but I feel like my leaning back is being completely misunderstood.

    EVERY time he writes or texts, I respond warmly. I feel much stronger inside when I wait for him to initiate (he is deployed so our communication is all email/chat at this point).

    What do you sirens see or hear in this conversation that I am missing? What is your sense? Did I handle it properly? What do you think I should do now?

    I feel kinda mad to be honest! But also don’t want him to feel that I’m losing interest because I’m definitely not! AUGH!

    Any thoughts would be most welcome!

    Hugs to all!

    Sunday, 24 October 2010 @ 10:32am

  788. 788: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Life is too short,

    Life is too short. Gotta do what ya gotta do. I will miss your voice on here and hope you can visit from time to time. I would be saying the same as you about attending to life issues except that I’m addicted here! :-) I gotta limit my time here tho.

    I think a lot of situations are unique. If I were you, I’d get to know him at whatever level he is comfortable, with it tucked in the back of my mind that he may not step up.

    Sunday, 24 October 2010 @ 10:34am

  789. 789: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Brenda: thanks for listening to my perspective. I hear that you want to wipe the slate clean and I trust that you will do it in the way that is best for you. I think you are doing great. Thanks for helping me to see some things too about the honesty and flirting.

    Sunday, 24 October 2010 @ 10:38am

  790. 790: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    I think it’s awesome! He is sensing that you have upped your degree of difficulty! That’s what’s sposta happen! Ya dun good!

    Here is what Rori said to respond in a comparable situation,

    “Hmm, that feels weird. I feel very interested in getting to know you better. What do you think?

    A minor tweak: Rather than saying, “Explain”, if it were me, I would say, “I don’t understand that.”

    I hope this helps!

    Sunday, 24 October 2010 @ 10:43am

  791. 791: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    You’re welcome! You’re sweet!

    Sunday, 24 October 2010 @ 10:44am

  792. 792: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    Hey Nikita!

    I’ve got some astrology discoveries about myself I wanted to share. Remember when I said I just do NOT identify with a Leo? And you told me that I was born in the year of the fire snake and to also find out my rising sun and moon signs? Well, I found out my rising moon is Aries and my rising sun is Scorpio.

    I read another article talking about how our astrological signs may not be what we think it is due to the sun processions not being taken into consideration or whatever, didn’t read the details, and according to these people my sign may not be Leo at all but Cancer, and when I read the description of Cancer I totally identified! Including the flaws and it was very congruent with my INFP personality type. So…can I just say I’m a Cancer and shed the Leo name totally lol?

    I just had to share what I found out.

    – hi Apple :)

    I took this to be a little Astro joking thing……not a question that needed answering. I would continue to own Leo, it is a rockin’ sign to be….I just tell people that I’m not a “real” Leo since I have Scorpio rising it makes me a little more private ………(actually, who am I kidding? I don’t even tell them I have scorp heavy in my chart unless they are picking up Scorpio from me and I want to confirm their intuition)…….I wonder where your mercury is?
    I don’t know the terms: rising sun, or rising moon. I am familiar with the terms: rising/aka/ascendant, and moon….
    About these sun processions I don’t quite get that either but it sounds like the theory of how we once had 13 months in the calendar and now we have 12……and the orbits of the planets and the , blah, blah, blah…….I’d be curious about where mercury and Venus are in your chart……maybe they are in cancer …….

    Sunday, 24 October 2010 @ 10:44am

  793. 793: SweetpeaNo Gravatar says:

    Renee, I was confused about the messenger/mirror thing until this week. Here’s what I heard on Rori’s program that I’m listening too. Maybe this will help you, too:

    Make a list of qualities you can’t stand in other people and chances are you hate those qualities within you. You may believe that you’re loud & obnoxious inside and so you wrap yourself in a quiet, kind package and when you see someone who’s loud and obnoxious, you think, “ugh. What a loud and obnoxious person.” One person said she hates a liar. Rori said, “then you probably think you’re a liar and you go out of your way to be honest. But maybe you say, ‘that dress looks great on you’ but inside you’re thinking, ‘ugh. Wrong color.” What you’re doing is you’re disowning a whole part of yourself. You’re saying that there’s a part of you that’s so ugly you want stand it and you’re keeping it in the dungeon. And you can’t be a whole person that way. I.e. One lady said she hates selfishness and Rori said, oh, so you’re probably the kindest, most giving person on the planet. But that part of you probably gives you a lot of fire and a lot of push. There are some really good things about that quality. She says if we can’t accept these parts of ouselves, we’re being run by them. But we need to realize that these are just a small part of us and they’re begging to be heard and accepted by us.

    So th