My best friend and amazing coach Virginia Clark sent me this article about a TV series – makes your blood curl…:
At first, I felt horrible. OMG, what am I teaching women?
And then I realized….
I know at least 5 GREAT men who are unattached. And that’s just in my IMMEDIATE, SMALL circle – I probably know many more if I thought about it.
And – the truth is, I hardly know any women to fix them up with…
I fixed one guy up with 2 women – and he liked and dated them both….and they both didn’t choose him for some reason or other…
We’re the problem, not men. I really believe that.
We choose wrong.
I truly believe that on some deep level, we hate ourselves so much and want to punish ourselves so much, that we choose men to hit us over the head with their behavior.
And I just think it now might be easier to FIND those men!
Of all the men I know – NONE of them would rather watch porn than be with a real, live woman.
They’re all frightened of real, in the flesh women, actually.
They may have visions of supermodels dancing in their heads – but really – they respond to warmth and love and touch. They respond to appreciation.
Men feel so beat over the head these days – surpassed by women in so many areas, struggling with cultural issues, struggling with their own sense of personal power, struggling with the dynamics of relationship and the relationships they had with their mothers.
But so many men you see all over TV – and writers you read, and businessmen you hear of and read about – are happily married. They are happy to BE married. They don’t want to NOT be married.
So many men stick around in marriage even when they aren’t getting what they need.
Sex is SUCH a barometer of emotional intimacy and relationship.
Passion comes from a place that is NOT created by a man or a woman from looks and personality – but from the willingness to connect to passion no matter WHAT’S getting in the way.
No matter the anger, no matter the fatigue, no matter the distance, no matter the doubt, no matter what.
If you can connect to passion in you – you can feel it with any man who’s simply THERE.
But we don’t see it that way.
We see ourselves as objects, and so we seek out men who see us as objects.
We see ourselves as “conveniences” and so we seek out men who see us as conveniences.
We see a man who adores us as somehow “wrong.”
We confuse chemistry with intimacy and don’t see that it works the other way around.
Have you ever met a man you wouldn’t give a second look to, and then all of a sudden you saw other women lining up for him, or found out he had money or power or huge intellect, or was respected by someone else – and then all of a sudden he got “attractive”?
Well, what if you found a man attractive for just being available and interested and wanting a real, live woman in his bed and his life?
I mean, according to this article – that’s a pretty heroic place for a man to be.
If he’s available, if he wants you, if he knows what “forever” means and wants that, too – then he IS heroic!
Let’s start from THOSE men, and DITCH all the others.
When we start ditching these other kinds of men who aren’t interested in real live love – they will wake up.
When they can’t get sex with real live women, they’ll get tired of cyber ones and photos.
Or – we’ll begin to elevate the men we haven’t given a chance to hero status, and there will be a whole new model for what love and relationship look like.
For now – look for the unconventional man.
Ditch the bad boys. Ditch the hard-to-get. Ditch the distant, the unavailable, the porn-addicted, the confused.
Ditch any man who isn’t “into you” the way you want.
Ditch your romantic fantasies and make up new ones.
Look at the men who are your “friends” who want more.
Stop judging men by their covers.
Work on being extraordinary and LOVING your extraordinariness.
Don’t settle for a man’s outside when his insides aren’t loving you.
Instead, settle into how you want to feel in an intimate way.
Ditch the fantasy of chemistry and learn to make your own!