“Hi Rori… this has been confusing me for years… when you say to CD and tell a guy you’re sleeping with “I’m not sleeping with anyone else”… is this because men will leave if you Are sleeping with other people (or is it to trigger the women readers less)?
Do we need to have sexual exclusivity while CDing if there’s a guy we like more than others…? D”
D – You do NOT have to do ANYTHING! NO RULES!!
Polyamory is based on sleeping with anyone you like, all at the same time, anyway you’d like to do that…and it’s more long-term than “casual.”
If you seriously like a guy, and you’re dating him in a way that you feel is growing into a relationship – I would most likely NOT sleep with another man “casually.”
However, if you’re on equal footing with several men – do what feels comfortable to you. And, if a discussion gets started about exclusivity – then the discussion would be about SEXUAL exclusivity first, and about GENERAL, date no one else exclusivity as a higher level.
Rori – thanks whew ! i love that i don’t have to do anything. i’m not interested in polyamory on a long term level, i Am interested in exploring my sexuality and pleasure… until a guy asks to marry me that I can consider…
…so why would you not sleep with a guy “casually?” ( I don’t really get what ‘casually’ means, or if I sleep with anyone ‘casually’ i’m not sure if sleeping with men i care about on some level counts as that)
Basically I’m wondering if a Good man that I’m dating regularly will leave if I say I don’t want sexual exclusivity until engagement (because I feel excited about my new sexual power and want to (if i want to in the moment) explore my sexuality with the help of other men when I’m not on dates with him).
I keep feeling scared and get the impression from what other women say their man said that a “high self esteem man” will not “put up with” a woman who is sleeping around.
I just don’t want to give up on my (newly discovered) ability to sleep with whoever I want until there’s a ‘real future’ on the table… and I don’t want to lose my Good men…
What do you think? will guys balk?
D – forget about what guys will do until you know what YOU want!!!
Clearly, you do not seem ready for the “white picket fence” or anywhere near that level of traditional relationship.
So, if you want to be “casual” – which is one-night-stand, or – he’s sexy and I want to have sex with him, but I wouldn’t want to marry him, or he’s married or totally unavailable or immature…..then you’re not really in the market for the long term.
SO – you likely won’t meet many men who fit that traditional role.
Also – you may, in your adventures, meet a man you want to stick with, and he with you – and then this is all irrelevant!