How to Get a Quality Man to Trip Over Himself to Meet You!

My dear friend Cherry Norris – she’s a superb relationship coach, doing teleseminars because she has such a huge audience (I’ll give you the details on her next one at the end – gave me this GREAT article to guest post:

“How to Get a Quality Man to Trip Over Himself to Meet You!”
by Cherry Norris

Maria was out to dinner with her girlfriends.

At the restaurant, she noticed a cute man standing by the bar.

Maria looked at him. The man turned, saw her. Embarrassed, Maria dropped her eyes and turned her head.

“Oh my God he’s looking at me,” Maria blushed.

“Go up and introduce yourself,” one friend chided.

“No!” advised the other. “If he’s really interested, he’ll approach you. You don’t have to do anything.”

Maria waited. The man didn’t approach. Damn. Another missed opportunity.

Has this happened to you?

You see a cute man you’d like to meet, but you haven’t felt comfortable knowing what to do or say so the opportunity passes. The result is you don’t meet.

Next time you see a man you like, try this simple, fail-proof strategy. You will have him literally tripping over his feet to meet you!

1. Spot the Man You Want to Meet

This requires going out and finding your man. So gather your girlfriends and go out for drinks. Or meet at the gym. Or plan a ski trip.

Think of where your man would be. Is he athletic? Is he an intellectual? Is he a world traveler? If so, where would he go?

Think of places your man could be. Then go to those places.

(Be sure to dress cute!)

Once you find your man, position yourself so he can see you easily.

2. Catch His Eye and Smile for 6 Seconds

Yes, a five second smile works too. (Just no less than four!) Yes, it feels like forever, but it works. If he turns his head away, keep smiling. He will eventually look back at you.

Take a deep breath. Breathing lifts your breasts and will calm you down. (Two benefits in one.)

If your man is available and interested, he will approach you. (This is when he may trip over himself!)

3. Wait for Him to Speak First

When your man approaches you, let him speak first. Let him start the conversation. Let him say whatever he wants to say.

It’s tough when you are nervous and want to say something. You feel so vulnerable … but it’s important you don’t.

Instead, bit your lip and wait for him. If he speaks first, you know he’s interested.

Even if he says something odd like, “Where’d you get your shoes?” (You’ll laugh about it later.) Your man is brave. He’s a hero. It takes courage for your man to walk across the room and say “hello.”

If you want to know more about what to do with your man after you meet and know if he’s romantically interested within 15 minutes, then join my free live tele-seminar.

Love, Cherry

From Rori: Here’s how you get to Cherry’s free seminar “How to Meet Your Man … Get Him to Approach You in Less Than 6 Seconds … And Know If He’s Romantically Interested within 15 Minutes” on Wednesday, October 20 at 5:00 p.m PST. CLICK HERE NOW to register

To share this post:Share on FacebookShare on Google+Pin on PinterestTweet about this on TwitterShare on TumblrDigg thisEmail this to someoneShare on Reddit

written by Permalink

882 Comments to “How to Get a Quality Man to Trip Over Himself to Meet You!”

  1. 1: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Ack, I just got nervous and told a man on the phone “don’t worry about it”. When he asked who I had plans with. Now 4 men want plans w me today. Wow. I feel schedually challenged.

    Monday, 18 October 2010 @ 11:53am

  2. 2: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    they’re everywhere they’re everwhere coming at me! wooo hoooo!

    Monday, 18 October 2010 @ 12:18pm

  3. 3: DeniseNo Gravatar says:

    Schedually challenged! Too funny, good for you!

    I need some help with Soft on the Outside feeling messages to my rubber band man, Perfect Man, who has pulled the disappearing act since Saturday when I told him I made theatre plans (without him- our first Saturday nite apart since dating) as part of my CDing, and raising the difficulty level. He always is taking for granted that I make the plans.

    I am trying to be the Anchor. Steady, but Soft on the Outside. He hasn’t called me or return my text, and I feel mad that he has gone into his man cave. I am calm though. Just thinking of the right thing to say it, for when he does call! Help me Tap the Female Energy so I don’t send him rubber banding, slipping away.

    Monday, 18 October 2010 @ 1:00pm

  4. 4: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Denise – ohh it feels great to hear from you.. And truthfully, I feel a bit upset to not have any contact for so long…

    Monday, 18 October 2010 @ 1:05pm

  5. 5: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    More men are calling! Out the woodwork! That guy I’ve dated on off for ten years called to tell me he’s going out of town.., lol

    Monday, 18 October 2010 @ 1:06pm

  6. 6: DeniseNo Gravatar says:

    U got the MAJOR MOJO going on! Is it some special tea, herb, or other product aiding in this??? Gimme some! I want some.

    When it rains it pours. I am feeling very excited for you. I feel something good will come from the all the action. Action leads to reaction.

    Monday, 18 October 2010 @ 1:23pm

  7. 7: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Denise – I think it’s because I held my boundaries with my last 2 ( 1/2 ) cd’s, and also didn’t reach put to men when I was feeling lonely yesterday and the day before. My vibe must have cleared! I feel thrilled! A lil overwhelmed in a good way!

    Thank you Angels!

    Monday, 18 October 2010 @ 1:25pm

  8. 8: DeniseNo Gravatar says:

    Help! That feeling message sounds strong. Is it ok to start so strong, even though I am trying to get him to stop his behavior of disappearing? He often will say something like : “I did not want to call you ‘cuz I knew we would have this conversation right off the bat”. I know he is determining whether he can go the distance just after we had some great closeness this past week… and probably coming to terms getting closer to commitment. I decided I need to disclose the truth that I went to the theatre with my dad when it is appropriate to tell. Then a concert on top of that- I am having fun without him. He knows I am capable of that. That is part of why he is attracted to me, as I am always the fun one- LOL!

    Monday, 18 October 2010 @ 1:29pm

  9. 9: DeniseNo Gravatar says:

    Boundaries do help clear the way to clarity!

    Monday, 18 October 2010 @ 1:30pm

  10. 10: DeniseNo Gravatar says:

    The ten year guy- you mean he is coming into town and wants to see you??? Wow.

    Monday, 18 October 2010 @ 1:31pm

  11. 11: JeanNo Gravatar says:

    Daria, I have noticed that as well…when it rains, it pours…men!, LOL! maybe its the vibe or something…that I/we send out to the universe? I have times when there are no men…and I feel sad about it…and then there are times when I ,too…can’t fit them all in! and I feel like saying…can we spread this out a bit, where were you all when there wasn’t one in my life, LOL! do you think its the good feeling vibe we have when many are wanting us, that just radiates out of us, sending messages throughout the universe?

    Monday, 18 October 2010 @ 1:35pm

  12. 12: Jason MillerNo Gravatar says:

    3: Denise

    “He always is taking for granted that I make the plans.”

    Hi, Denise. I’m wondering how this precedent got started. I’m assuming you’d feel more secure and more attracted to him if he made the plans, right? But if the dynamic is already set with your regularly taking the lead, you’re likely exercising too much of your masculine energy in an effort to “make it happen.”

    So for him to go silent and retreat is not unexpected. I can’t speak for him, but there’s a possibility he doesn’t feel empowered to take the lead with you. I don’t know if he would naturally take the lead or not, but it occurs to me you might want to test for it.

    Here’s what I’ve advised in the past and it seems to work in these cases. You can invite him to take the lead by

    1. Telling him when you’re available.
    2. Telling him you’re open to whatever he wants to plan for your date.
    3. Optional: Not offering to pay when he plans the date.

    And then just observe what he does and how it feels to you.

    It’s important to keep in mind that men and women, especially those of us in Generation X, are poorly educated or socialized in how attraction and courtship works. So very often as a woman you may find yourself prompting the man to relax into his natural masculine nature. You often literally have to give him permission until he hopefully gets it.

    Let me know if that works for you.

    Monday, 18 October 2010 @ 1:45pm

  13. 13: DeniseNo Gravatar says:

    Jason, we have fallen in our roles. We are middle aged- 40’s. I am a Type A personality, and am still learning to lean back which is working, in the physical realm. He claims that he has never persued a woman (not ever!!) and felt he was so good looking, that he did not have to! Cocky in one way, he is very unassuming and down to earth, in others. He is a gentleman, reserved, and good and honest. He has all the qualities I am looking for . But this is the first time I am dating a non Type A man. And my Perfect Man is independent.

    I never pay for a date, except for when I took him out for his birthday – even then he fought against it! Sometimes, I get comped tickets to events, and I occassionally I cook or bake special foods he likes; even then he does not want me to fuss. So it is give and take. I never want him to feel emasculated!

    Although he is not a take charge kind of guy, I do invite him to take the lead, and a few times, it was wonderful! But he often tells me “just make a plan and I will show up!”. I have laughed. Recently, he attempted to get us tickets for a concert and sign us up for dance classes. He kept asking me to go to the school to register, and I mentioned it would not be convenient- so I kept throwing it back to him since it was his idea, which made me happy. Eventually, although too late, he followed through.

    It’s not that he takes me making the plans for granted, it is that he does not ask to be in my presence to make a plan; he assumes he will be. He does not feel it is necessary to have a plan. I am a planner, naturally. I do not think this disappearing act is a matter of him not feeling comfy to take the lead. I think it is more of a rubber band thing, where he is evaluating his words some weeks ago, that “if my needs are not getting meet (my opinion about our relationship going forward towards committing), then I should date others, to which I said ok. End of subject. And he has not initiated an “exclusive conversation” since then. He knows my intent to want marriage at a reasonable time. Now he is probably thinking I had a date Saturday as it was our first Saturday apart – which it wasn’t! It was an outing to the theatre with my dear elder dad, who is newly widowed. When I told him of my plans to go to the theatre, I did not mention with whom. He looked terribly wounded!

    So I leaned forward when he did not call later that day or yesterday. Many of the sirens said I should tell him it was an outing with my dad, as I think he is insecure and needs reassuring. I am not overly concerned with what he thought as maybe some mystery is needed at this time. But I do want him to call me, when he said he would, or return my texts and calls in a normal fashion. I am giving him time and space while I learn to anchor. Does that help explain my situation?

    Any other recommendations are appreciated!

    Monday, 18 October 2010 @ 2:42pm

  14. 14: DeniseNo Gravatar says:

    I do hear that you say that I am using too much of my masculine energy, making plans to make it happen. I am doer! And am usually thrust into a leadership position. It comes so naturally after being raised by a dad who said to me as a small child “you are not going to be like your mother!” and taught me otherwise similiar male ways. He was a dominant, forcefull personality in my upbringing, my mom was/is gentle (almost to a fault). My mom taught me many other important lessons.

    I am girlie in so many ways, I make an effort to look beautiful, with fashion, heels, hair and makeup. I am girlie in nurturing, girlie in domestic ways, girlie in my open emotions. I am authentically girlie. It was different when I was a teenager, or young adult. I learned. And am still learning.

    Darn-it’s the whole planner mentality! I do feel secure in my plans, and it does not diminish how I view his attractiveness. I am accepting that he doesn’t care to be in charge on it most of the time, but he will voice his opinion. It’s not that he does not have one about where we go or what we do. If he is not interested, he will tell me. And I do ask whether he likes the idea or plan. “What do you think?”, I ask. Then he laughs and says “you cannot make up my mind!” So maybe that is girlie, too!

    Sirens, I have to find my Soft on the Outside so rubber band man doesn’t wear me out!

    Monday, 18 October 2010 @ 3:09pm

  15. 15: PepeNo Gravatar says:


    That’s great news ! keep sending those fantastic vibes and more men will come to you !
    go siren ! go siren !

    I realise that after spending an intense moment with a woman, man tend to step back a little bit…they are afraid that we’ll ran after them because of that and i think that we do without knowing it…so i tried a little experience, i remember once after a fantastic friday night with my man i decided not to call him on satuday, he manifest himself later that night lol i could feel in his voice he was on shock !! lol
    Next time try it… and i beat you, he will manifest himself ! i think that if everytime we leanback a little bit, our guy will feel safe, will stop the running.

    Hope that helped !

    Monday, 18 October 2010 @ 3:09pm

  16. 16: EllaNo Gravatar says:


    Me too. I was in a MASSIVE strop when I woke up this morning, really grumpy, angry and out of sorts. so I just stayed wih that and grumped around, punched the air a bit, played some angry music.

    Then I got into some work and I cheered up. I had already decided I wanted to move right past the date guy situation and I just felt better.

    Then Mr feel good called me and asked to take me for an autumn walk and I really felt like it so we went and had a great walk on the seafront.

    Meantime when I ot back I had received a text from date guy, and I am due to go on date no 2 with Mr Hottie tommorrow. Oh and there was a voice message from a guy from match who I was dating before and I had old to back off. I had opened up to him and thought that he had fallen out of my rotation. Well today he showed up again…

    Crazy huh?

    I so get the comment about the pond now (smiling as I type). My pond has cleared! Yay.

    I feel happy.

    Big love to all Sirens. x

    Monday, 18 October 2010 @ 3:10pm

  17. 17: Turtle GirlNo Gravatar says:


    I feel super frustrated, angry and hurt. I am working the “rori raye” steps and am butting up against men who are insisting that I be exclusive with them.

    I have given the no boyfriend speeches, more than once. I have now after five months, basically been told that it is over with one man because we are having sex, but he now wants me to “commit to only him” and not date others. But no, he is not ready to put a ring on my finger because it’s too soon he says.

    So, of course he wants me on hold. He wants girl on call. He wants cake and eat it too. So no. I am not gonna let myself get in that trap again. But it is so gd making me crazy!

    These men have been used to getting their way. They are used to having what they want, if I won’t give it to him ,then another woman will I know. They are so used to being the “prize” instead of us I feel it is a HUGE task to try and turn this around with men.
    Men don’t have to compete any more. Women give them sex, and care for them and they take and when you want them to step up they leave.

    I am totally triggered. I am hurt and angry and don’t know what to do. I feel so pissed off at this bastard.
    He is losing me! And he knows it and he is going to do it anyway! I KNOW it’s his shit. His wife cheated on him during his marriage and he took her back for 6 more years! Then it ended. He even went to therapy for it. So HE has issues over this. So I know he is not the one for me apparently.

    Even my friends all think I am crazy. I have told them my opinions about cd’ing and they shake their heads and agree wit the men! They think I should only date one at a time! My girlfirends have lost respect for me over this-they think because they got their husbands by being exclusive that I am somehow being “unfaithful” to my “boyfriend” by dating other men. I want to scream! I want to slap them! I talked to my male friends (platonic) over this too and they all think of course I am being a bitch! Now THEY won’t talk to me either! This is what I am saying-men have had their way with women for soooolong they will not step up! They say things like
    “No, I won’t compete for you.” And then it’s over.

    They want all the benefits of a girl and NONE of the responsibilities. I am furious. I feel so alone. I feel abandoned by this man. I feel like he does not think I am good enough for him. He won’t step up.
    I am so lost over this shit.

    Does Rori really without a shadow of a doubt think that if he is the right guy he will put a ring on our finger. I feel shitty. I feel curious at this man.

    Monday, 18 October 2010 @ 3:21pm

  18. 18: Turtle GirlNo Gravatar says:

    I mean I feel “furious” at this man, not curious.

    Monday, 18 October 2010 @ 3:23pm

  19. 19: Jason MillerNo Gravatar says:

    13: Denise

    He claims that he has never persued a woman (not ever!!) and felt he was so good looking, that he did not have to!

    Fascinating. If he’s so accustomed to women chasing after him because of his looks, then he’s not feeling an urgency to even initiate dates with you. He’s not even particularly concerned about commitment either, though it’s clear he’s attached to you based on your letting him assume you went out on another date with another guy.

    Although he is not a take charge kind of guy, I do invite him to take the lead, and a few times, it was wonderful! But he often tells me “just make a plan and I will show up!”. I have laughed.

    The question remains then, do you want a man who will take charge and show the initiative most if not all the time? Or are you OK with sharing that responsibility? It sounds to me like you want to be able to relax and let him initiate seeing you more.

    You did state that you want to be married in a reasonable time frame, but you haven’t set the terms of exclusivity yet. Rori’s approach is that you just start dating other guys (CDing), which I’m sure is quite effective at getting him to make a decision. But I see no need to hide what you’re doing from him even if you’re not going out on other dates with other men. You have a life besides him so just live it. The busier and happier you are without seeing him, the more he’ll realize he needs to ACT and DECIDE to be with you and not take you for granted.

    One more thing, if he’s used to getting attention from women easily just because of his looks and demeanor, then he may not necessarily be habituated for commitment. He might be accustomed to having too many options when it comes to finding women to date. I don’t know his history, so only your intuition can guide you on this one. I’m just putting that out there as a possibility.

    Let me know if that works for you or not.

    Monday, 18 October 2010 @ 3:27pm

  20. 20: JeannetteNo Gravatar says:

    Turtle girl….wow, you rock solid woman….if all women follow your lead then men will be back to caring for us as they should. I don’t think we should be giving men sex freely though….that is the other thing. Of course, they have their cake and eat it too….Come on women, it’s time we stop being so insecure and……yes, stupid!!!

    Monday, 18 October 2010 @ 3:35pm

  21. 21: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Turtle girl,

    I feel your frustration.

    Your posts triggers my fears about CD-ing. I have also tried talking to friends about it and of course they do not get it one bit as they have been conditioned differently.

    I do not feel qualified to answer your question as I am still relatively new to CD-ing, however one thing that popped into my head while reading your post is that I have heard of situations on here when it looks like the guy is not going to step up, however if the woman sticks to her guns, continues riding her horse and puting her happiness first, then after realising she is serious, and often after breaking it off he comes back and steps up…

    I know there are women on here who have chosen to be in commited relationships following CD-ing, without the marraige, as they are happy with this, however if you want to be married then that is what you want.

    Rori seems to teach that marriage is the only real commitment, anything other than that is just dating, however I know there are other women on here who have their own variations of this theme.

    Not sure if that helps but please stay strong and keep the focus on you.

    Monday, 18 October 2010 @ 3:35pm

  22. 22: JenniferNo Gravatar says:

    Oh, Turtle girl.
    I feel angry FOR you. Your girlfriends aren’t supporting your chosen way of dating and that feels bad!!!
    That feels like bad Friend-ing. BOOOOOOOOOO
    I suddenly feel so grateful for my Girlfriends here on the blog and in real life.
    They tell me to date the HELL outta this town!!!
    I say …nuts to them. You want to CD? Go for it!

    Monday, 18 October 2010 @ 3:43pm

  23. 23: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Turtle Girl – this is good! all this anger is coming to the surface, and the insecurity. Love on your anger and insecurity

    then after THIS TRIGGER has healed, you will be attracting men that are more ready to commit, FOR REAL

    it’s your own energy thats triggered around this, so all can be done is Love it, and Feel it… remember this is actually subconscious patterns that probably got set in infancy or something

    don’t worry about when

    just keep loving it

    it will clear

    (remember only One man actually needs to marry us lol… he Will step up)

    Monday, 18 October 2010 @ 4:58pm

  24. 24: Turtle GirlNo Gravatar says:

    I have one girlfriend supports me, the others think I am wrong and don’t get it. That one girlfriend reads this blog.

    Oh yes I think you are right, if someone judges me for not dating the way they did that feels really bad. I feel unsupported by a friend of twenty years who supposedly is my bf. It feels awful

    However, this too shall pass. But right now I want to beat my fist through a wall. I want to scream and cry and slap that man. I want to call him an idiot for being well…… idiot. But I know it’s his life, his choices and you can not CONVINCE any man to do anything. And I am done with that. Either he steps up or he dos not. But wow. I get weary of this. I get soooooooo tired. I am in my fifties. I have been single fore eleven years almost. I am tired of it. I want to get own with my life with a good man. So for now, I guess I am just getting on with my life and dating, dating dating. Shit. Fuck. Shit. Ok cussing feels pretty good right now….lol……

    Monday, 18 October 2010 @ 4:59pm

  25. 25: tinqueNo Gravatar says:

    “Rori seems to teach that marriage is the only real commitment”
    Actually Ella this is not true. She teaches that whatever commitment means to YOU is real commitment, be it marriage, buying a house together, having the ring without the ceremony or piece of paper, or simply having a deep understanding.

    Monday, 18 October 2010 @ 5:00pm

  26. 26: Turtle GirlNo Gravatar says:

    I have one girlfriend supports me, the others think I am wrong and don’t get it. That one girlfriend reads this blog.

    Oh yes I think you are right, if someone judges me for not dating the way they did that feels really bad. I feel unsupported by a friend of twenty years who supposedly is my bf. It feels awful

    However, this too shall pass. But right now I want to beat my fist through a wall. I want to scream and cry and slap that man. I want to call him an idiot for being well…… idiot. But I know it’s his life, his choices and you can not CONVINCE any man to do anything. And I am done with that. Either he steps up or he dos not. But wow. I get weary of this. I get soooooooo tired. I am in my fifties. I have been single fore eleven years almost. I am tired of it. I want to get own with my life with a good man. So for now, I guess I am just getting on with my life and dating, dating dating. Sh*t. F*ck. Sh*t. Ok cussing feels pretty good right now….lol……
    repost without cuss words spelled out to avoid moderation…….*sigh* fuch.

    Monday, 18 October 2010 @ 5:00pm

  27. 27: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Jasonlicious to the rescue!

    Monday, 18 October 2010 @ 5:01pm

  28. 28: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Turtle Girl – have you tried Vampire Screaming?

    ps your anger sounds sexy right now – seriously

    Monday, 18 October 2010 @ 5:02pm

  29. 29: Turtle GirlNo Gravatar says:

    You sweet girl. Thank you for your support. And I think you are right-I am healing. This is a mirror-
    This is prolly about me. God bless you darlin’ I need to hear I am not crazy right now. I need to hear that I am on the right track. Others have really judged me about this…….think I am some kind of whore or something I don’t know. It is so absurd. Attitude like “Who do you think you are dating multiple men?!” WTF?

    Who am I? Well I am a goddess, I am the prize, that’s who. I am beautiful and have a lot to offer the right man. If he does not recognize this then it is his loss. Poor guy. He will suffer over this. He will miss me.
    Ugh. I don’t care how he feels. That is not my business is it? No. I ride away on my horse. I stay on my bridge.

    Monday, 18 October 2010 @ 5:05pm

  30. 30: NikitaNo Gravatar says:


    Happy Birthday

    Monday, 18 October 2010 @ 5:06pm

  31. 31: Turtle GirlNo Gravatar says:

    Ok now I am laughing my arse off! Daria what in the world is vampire screaming? Say what?

    My anger is sexy? Wow. Yeah I guess it kind of is. I feel pissed off and pisssssssssssssssyyyyyyyyyy… And mad as hell and not going to take it anymore and I DO feel sexy—that is soooooooo weird-you picked that up in my post! Wow…………..

    Monday, 18 October 2010 @ 5:07pm

  32. 32: DeniseNo Gravatar says:

    Lots of my friends do not understand the CD either!
    I too am grateful to bounce this off of you Sirens.

    There comes a time, I am finding, when it does not feel right to CD other men. I CD myself no problem! But I can see I have hurt my Perfect Man with it. We have been together for ten months. I have been on other dates, but I cannot imagine getting involved with any other. I see a future with Perfect Man. Maybe it is my age, my wisdom, my heartbreaks and experience. I feel if I kiss another it would be betrayal. I also know that without a ring, there better be a good reason for it, that you are going exclusively with him.

    So I have avoided that exclusive conversation for now. There are current circumstances that would make it difficult to commit to a marriage right now for me. That doesn’t mean I am not working towards being ready for when the timing is a bit easier, and I feel he is my Perfect Man. It’s ten months, and we have made a lot of progress!

    Turtle Girl, five months is a short time to get a ring! You barely know each other. Things proceed at their own pace.

    Many men won’t compete. Maybe it is laziness! So many women jump into bed on the first or maybe the third dates which definitely changes the makeup for a long term relationship. I am glad that I did not do the wild thing with my Perfect Man right away.

    Monday, 18 October 2010 @ 5:08pm

  33. 33: Jason MillerNo Gravatar says:

    29: Nikita

    Thanks, how did you know?

    Monday, 18 October 2010 @ 5:09pm

  34. 34: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    You’re welcome… I don’t know

    Monday, 18 October 2010 @ 5:09pm

  35. 35: Turtle GirlNo Gravatar says:

    #32 Denise-

    I am not asking for a ring right now! I told him I think it is too soon for that too! but he wants me to be his “girlfriend” and only date him. He is trying to tie me up.

    He said and I quote” I won’t ALLOW you to date other men at this point in our relationship”.

    He won’t allow me?

    Wow……..control issues? What?

    Monday, 18 October 2010 @ 5:12pm

  36. 36: Jason MillerNo Gravatar says:

    33: Nikita

    Well, 10/3, anyway. Over two weeks ago. :-)

    Monday, 18 October 2010 @ 5:14pm

  37. 37: DeniseNo Gravatar says:

    Turtle Girl- he cannot make you feel you are not good enough for him! Don’t even GO there! If he wants you to be exclusive, trust me, he thinks you are good enough! I am sure you know differently. Forget that self pity. Repeat after me: I am a Siren. I am a Goddess. I am a Prize. I believe in my beliefs.
    Scream it if you have to!

    Monday, 18 October 2010 @ 5:15pm

  38. 38: DeniseNo Gravatar says:

    He won’t ALLOW? Ugh. Tell him to take control of his own emotions!

    Monday, 18 October 2010 @ 5:18pm

  39. 39: DeniseNo Gravatar says:

    Jason, happiest of birthday wishes! Make it a great year!

    Monday, 18 October 2010 @ 5:18pm

  40. 40: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    ok…belated :)

    Monday, 18 October 2010 @ 5:20pm

  41. 41: SienaNo Gravatar says:

    I’d like to point out that holding a man’s gaze for 6 seconds will even get a loser to trip over himself to get to you.

    I’m not sure where “quality” fits in there. And how do you know whether he’s a quality man until you’ve spent a considerable amount of time with him!?

    Man oh man! I’m so indulging my negative side these days! I feel so tired of “how to’s” to get a man. Men are easy to get – but it only takes 1 to stick! I’m starting to wonder how healthy dating dozens is.

    Maybe we could CD without it involving ANY men. Just in our jobs or something. I dunno – burning thru men has left me jaded.

    That could change tomorrow.

    Monday, 18 October 2010 @ 5:36pm

  42. 42: SienaNo Gravatar says:

    …btw, I love men! I’m just kinda sick of dating them.

    Monday, 18 October 2010 @ 5:38pm

  43. 43: DeniseNo Gravatar says:

    Jason, his history when he was young, was wild and out of control, crazy freaky way too much sex and rock -n- roll. He had it all, looks, smarts, ability to escape NY to go to school in Hawaii and be a smart surfer dude. He excelled.

    He told me if it weren’t for his looks, he probably would have been married earlier!!! He realized how immature that sounded. But as he is getting older, he is getting wiser.

    He had an off again on again long term relationship- to the tune of 20 years with his college swetheart. They broke up a few times, and then he lived with another woman for three years. He confided the live in cheated on him, so he has fears about that now. Later, his ol’sweetheart of 20 years, got cancer. He supported her the last year of her life, traveling often to see her, and watch her pass; she proposed to him on her death bed! He had been mourning for a year when we meet. We shared that in common, strangely enough, as I had just lost my sister. So there is some healing going on there.

    He was very supportive to me, more than you can possibly imagine, much more than many of my best friends. Also, he is the best listener I have ever had. He is super good at helping me through my issues.

    And now at rare times, he does seem to retreat, sometimes I see it as it is prompted by sadness, or survivor guilt, other times, it is based on his fear that we all end up alone. I see he is trying to work through all of it. He is super happy in his career, is doing what he loves. He is reaching out more and more, and learning new things, and learning to open up to me more. He is fiercely independent, and sometimes a loner. When we are together, I feel him adoring me, and it is easy.

    Perhaps commitment has not been apart of his genre. But he has told me he cannot be without me, he does not want to break up with me, that I would have to leave him as he does not want that.

    I am ok with sharing responsibility, especially of plan making. I figure it is not his strong point! That is ok. His responsible listening, caring, coming to my side, defending me, helping me, is enough. He is incredibly sweet. He got me through a very rough year, filled with business and legal battles, beyond the mourning. He tells me he is totally committed, even when I said, I would understand if he dated others at that time, when we talked about dating others. He retorted to me that he could Not Imagine How I could Think That.

    He gets the cake with me, but not the icing. We have waited on that part. It drives me crazy sometimes because I have tremendous connection with him, and I am in love. He is always so affectionate, and it was a great week, with me leaning back and taking it all in, as he leaned forward. Just that Saturday got a bit convoluted!

    In some ways, I think that it was time for this. It’s all an experiment as we learn to evolve.

    Monday, 18 October 2010 @ 5:49pm

  44. 44: ReneeNo Gravatar says:

    Jason — I have a question for you…I think it’s possible that my main guy (the one I’ve been seeing for 2 months), is no longer feeling “girlfriend” type feelings for me and is, instead, feeling “friend” type feelings except with a lot of physical attraction thrown in.

    Between say, weeks 3 & 5, he would send me a “good morning sweetheart” message each morning and I knew he was thinking about me. Now, well, we had what I thought was an awesome date last night and I haven’t heard from him all day. He does think I have another date tonight, but still, he could have txted any other time throughout the day.

    Another thing that has me worried is that he said he felt really “comfortable” with me last night…now, I took that as a compliment (as in, “isn’t it awesome that I can feel free to be myself with someone I have so much physical attraction with”) but now I’m thinking he may have meant that he’s gotten “comfortable” with our relationship as is, which does not include exclusivity.

    He makes comments when he knows I’ve been out with other men like, “I hope you’re not kissing anyone else” or, when I told him I met a famous person on my date this weekend, he said, “I can’t compete with that”, but it seems he’s not thinking of me all the time the way he used to…

    Is it too late? Have we already “flamed out” and I just didn’t know it yet because we were having so much fun? He used to ask me all kinds of questions about myself and he doesn’t do that as much anymore….maybe it’s because he’s all “asked out”, but what I feel in my heart is that he’s not “fascinated” with me anymore and I may be on my way out once he spends some time thinking about what’s missing in our relationship (the romance). What can I do to trigger the “girlfriend” feelings he had for me a couple of weeks ago when he asked me to be exclusive (and then promptly panicked because he wasn’t sure if/when he wanted to introduce a woman into his daughters’ lives). He obviously wanted me to be his girlfriend then, but it feels like that certain something may be missing for him now…is it hopeless?

    Monday, 18 October 2010 @ 5:53pm

  45. 45: DeniseNo Gravatar says:

    Siena, it is a numbers game! But it only takes ONE.

    I hear you are tired.

    You can CD yourself. CD with your job, your friends, just enjoy what it is you are doing.

    The whole on line dating profile set up- email exchange- going on dates- can feel like a part time job with those who don’t make the cut. But we have to get there somehow!

    I am curious what Cherry will review on her call of making the good ones trip! I never had a problem meeting a guy- the problem was meeting a guy I wanted to actually keep!

    Monday, 18 October 2010 @ 5:55pm

  46. 46: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    6 second gazes won’t get a gay man to trip over himself to get to you…I know…I tried. **wry grin!** But he’s become a cherished friend, and I love him!

    Monday, 18 October 2010 @ 6:29pm

  47. 47: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Thought for the Day:

    “Life is not a having and a resting,
    but a growing and a becoming.”

    Good night, beautiful Siren princesses!

    Monday, 18 October 2010 @ 6:32pm

  48. 48: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    I like this post. And I like looking at attractive men. win-win.

    I have a question for everyone here. What is your romantic goal? What do you ultimately want? I want a husband and a life that involves having our own home and traveling around a lot. I want a man that is on board with my big picture and contributes to it.

    I feel so dying inside curious to know what everyone’s goal is right now? Do you want to date around for the rest of your life? Do you want commitment without marriage? Do you want marriage? Do you want to have a better marriage? Do you want to leave your husband?

    Monday, 18 October 2010 @ 6:42pm

  49. 49: life_is_too_short_to...No Gravatar says:

    Hi Dorothea

    I want a husband who turns back into a pumpkin at midnite.

    just kidding! sort of (i like a lot of time to myself)

    so, the idea of keeping separate residences, appeals to me, but i like the idea of owning something together.

    I would definitely like to have a deep committed relationship of shared virtue, committed to our personal growth and happiness, and growing a relationship that is better than each of us could be alone, to contribute to the world

    Not necessarily a legally binding marriage, with a great man who absolutely without a doubt adores and loves me more than anything in the world, would do anything for me, and knows in the fibre of his being that I am The One.

    I respect, admire, trust and love him and know in the fibre of my being that he is The One and means what he says because he shows it by his actions.

    We will be life/spiritual partners, best friends and lovers.

    Exploring together as the relationship grows will be exhilarating and fun, because we are filled with enthusiasm about it turning into happy ever after…

    Right now, I still won’t settle for anything less. I haven’t so far, after my marriage broke up 17 years ago, even though several men wanted to marry me
    in my thirties and forties,

    and I’m not about to settle now, even though there are some coaches out there who advise us to do that.

    I guess that’s about it for now

    thanks for asking, it felt all warm and fuzzy and fun to write that!

    Monday, 18 October 2010 @ 7:01pm

  50. 50: life_is_too_short_to...No Gravatar says:

    You know, sometimes it works in reverse, where the woman just wants friends with benefits, like in the George Clooney movie, Up in the Air. He was a serial dater who prided himself on not getting attached, but when he met his match (who, unbeknownst to him) had another life–married!) and realized that not only was he falling for her and had zero intimacy in his life, but she was acting like he always had with women and he didn’t like it.

    Yep, i say, let’s all just be rock stars and let the chips fall where they may. Seems to me the “i don’t really care what happens, i’m just having fun here, because girls, they want to have fun, oh girls just want to have fun” attitude appeals to them, and makes them want you, unless it makes them think you sleep around or just go from one to the other.
    although, i’m not one to sleep with more than one at a time and I can go for years! even though i have a healthy libido.

    But let’s face it, men do like a challenge. To win our affections. If they know you care too much, it’s all over. So don’t care too much. It’s needy.

    more movie fun
    funny quote from the big chill movie:
    kinda sums it up, eh

    [about men]
    Meg: They’re either married or gay. And if they’re not gay, they’ve just broken up with the most wonderful woman in the world, or they’ve just broken up with a bitch who looks exactly like me. They’re in transition from a monogamous relationship and they need more space. Or they’re tired of space, but they just can’t commit. Or they want to commit, but they’re afraid to get close. They want to get close, you don’t want to get near them.

    Monday, 18 October 2010 @ 7:18pm

  51. 51: life_is_too_short_to...No Gravatar says:

    oops, sorry, i should have put a spoiler alert in there!! about Up in the Air….don’t crucify me, please!
    I am sorry for all my transgressions on this blog!

    Monday, 18 October 2010 @ 7:19pm

  52. 52: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    LMFAO :)

    they want to get close…and you don’t want to get near them…

    I feel ….amused….highly amused 😀

    Monday, 18 October 2010 @ 7:27pm

  53. 53: life_is_too_short_to...No Gravatar says:

    Hi Nikita! :-) ROFL

    Monday, 18 October 2010 @ 7:28pm

  54. 54: JenniferNo Gravatar says:

    ok .my post dissapeared
    the one where I’m crazy
    and afraid to be in another relationship.
    it’s gone
    well that’s odd
    I FB’d judo man…I said I can’t go to class tomorrow cause it’s my bff’s birthday and since I seem to be suffering from the pon farr, I will wait till thursday to come to class.
    I must be actually losing my mind.

    Monday, 18 October 2010 @ 7:29pm

  55. 55: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    what is pon farr?

    Monday, 18 October 2010 @ 7:40pm

  56. 56: Jason MillerNo Gravatar says:

    40: Siena

    I’d like to point out that holding a man’s gaze for 6 seconds will even get a loser to trip over himself to get to you.

    Choose who you make eye contact with wisely! :-)

    I’m not sure where “quality” fits in there. And how do you know whether he’s a quality man until you’ve spent a considerable amount of time with him!?

    You don’t. In fact, none of us truly know who we’re dating until we’ve spent a year or more getting to know that person. Attraction and courtship only gets you to the point where you’re interested enough to proceed to the next step. Screening men properly is that next step.

    In my opinion this is where the combination of your boundaries, values and intuition come together. If you’re not testing guys in one way or another from the first second they talk to you in terms of your values and boundaries, then you’re not screening them. There are so many ways women do that I won’t go into them here.

    But also don’t abandon your intuition. If you’re well grounded in your body, then listen to what it tells you too. Learning to use your intuition accurately takes practice for most people. If you aren’t confident with it, err on the side of safety.

    Monday, 18 October 2010 @ 7:45pm

  57. 57: JenniferNo Gravatar says:

    Pon Farr
    vulcan male mating cycle that occurs once every seven years. Also called blood fever. If vulcans don’t mate they die.
    It’s geek speak.
    I believe that you should always consider your audience when communicating. Since Judo man speaks geek, I speak to him in geek.
    I think I’m going nuts.
    My root chakra is in an absolute knot.

    Monday, 18 October 2010 @ 7:47pm

  58. 58: life_is_too_short_to...No Gravatar says:

    My man sings this to me

    i’m enchanted
    i’ve fallen under your spell
    how can i resist when you cast them so well?

    baby lee, i’m only trying to remind you…

    they had me in mind, oh yeah, when they designed you

    baby lee, i’m always watching from a distance…

    marry, marry me, oh baby, now i am insisting

    Monday, 18 October 2010 @ 7:48pm

  59. 59: JenniferNo Gravatar says:

    He’s a Sagittarius..I’m a leo.
    who has lost her ever loving mind.

    Monday, 18 October 2010 @ 7:50pm

  60. 60: life_is_too_short_to...No Gravatar says:

    Jennifer, you’re a Leo, no wonder you are so dramatic!
    My daughter is a Leo!

    Monday, 18 October 2010 @ 7:56pm

  61. 61: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    oh…pon farr….

    are you peaking? that is my view… if i was peaking i would line up a few specimens with alternates…..pinch hitters? if judo steps in i would demand free classes in order not be leaning forward….bwahhhaaahaaaaa 😛

    xxpreying mantis 😉

    Monday, 18 October 2010 @ 7:58pm

  62. 62: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    mi nina bonita mi dulce princesa
    estoy en las nubes cuando tu me besas
    por eso mis labios te dicen te amo

    hehe that is my man’s ring tone for me. too cute. i gave him big poppa by notorious big

    Monday, 18 October 2010 @ 7:58pm

  63. 63: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    if i were a puppet master jennifer would be getting naked and taken care of by judo man RIGHT NOW.

    Monday, 18 October 2010 @ 7:59pm

  64. 64: Jason MillerNo Gravatar says:

    43: Renee

    Between say, weeks 3 & 5, he would send me a “good morning sweetheart” message each morning and I knew he was thinking about me. Now, well, we had what I thought was an awesome date last night and I haven’t heard from him all day. He does think I have another date tonight, but still, he could have txted any other time throughout the day.

    That’s not really an indicator. It could mean any number of things. He may be trying not to bug you too much. He might be backing off. We have no idea why he stopped.

    Another thing that has me worried is that he said he felt really “comfortable” with me last night…now, I took that as a compliment (as in, “isn’t it awesome that I can feel free to be myself with someone I have so much physical attraction with”) but now I’m thinking he may have meant that he’s gotten “comfortable” with our relationship as is, which does not include exclusivity.

    You’re going to have to ask him what he meant by that if you want to know.

    He makes comments when he knows I’ve been out with other men like, “I hope you’re not kissing anyone else” or, when I told him I met a famous person on my date this weekend, he said, “I can’t compete with that”, but it seems he’s not thinking of me all the time the way he used to…

    You should NOT be talking about other men you’re going out with on dates with this guy if you really like him! You’ve just pushed his insecurity button by doing that! No wonder he’s cooled off. He’s trying to protect himself from being disappointed if you end up with another guy. If he says he’s comfortable, that probably means he’s not taking you as seriously as he was before.

    Is it too late? Have we already “flamed out” and I just didn’t know it yet because we were having so much fun?

    What can I do to trigger the “girlfriend” feelings he had for me a couple of weeks ago when he asked me to be exclusive (and then promptly panicked because he wasn’t sure if/when he wanted to introduce a woman into his daughters’ lives). He obviously wanted me to be his girlfriend then, but it feels like that certain something may be missing for him now…is it hopeless?

    Maybe not, but if you want to be his girlfriend, stop dating other guys and tell him you’ve stopped! Tell him you want to be his girlfriend! Even though he’s got to take his daughter into consideration, it’s clear he likes you enough to commit.

    Now if YOU don’t want to commit to him, and you want to continue to play the field, you risk losing him. That’s your choice. But ONLY tell him that you are not exclusive. Don’t talk about other men you date with him. He can then decide if he wants to keep seeing you or not.

    Let me know if that works for you or not.

    Monday, 18 October 2010 @ 8:04pm

  65. 65: Amy F.No Gravatar says:

    #43 Renee,

    I sent a message to you on the other post and I’m going to repost here, but first I read about your man.

    What comes to mind is the rubber band analogy Rori uses. Be the anchor. About this time in the relationship a man has decisions to make about getting serious and many withdraw. I know how this feels. I love those “good morning” texts and when and if there is a lull, it’s like a little stab to the heart. Yet, I’ve learned it would feel better to receive this type of intimate communication later in the relationship, rather than earlier. I want to ignore this early in the relationship because it makes me love-drunk and I cannot walk, talk or see clearly. I wish I could just hire a service to email me “good morning”, and “I love you”. I would be madly in love with the robot/computer.

    You are doing great and it feels like continuing to CD since it feels good and this is all about you.

    Monday, 18 October 2010 @ 8:17pm

  66. 66: DariaNo Gravatar says:




    Monday, 18 October 2010 @ 8:26pm

  67. 67: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Turtle Girl – Vampire Scream is a Rori tool. I think it’s in the e-letter.

    It’s for anger.

    basically imagine you’re all powerful and your scream can burn down entire forests, houses, annhiilate everything like the whole world

    so you get ready like you’re gonna scream, open your mouth, – best to ball up your fists and like youre about to burn it ALL Down


    make sure to really shake up your arms with rage and just really keep going with it, burning up everything,

    LETTING it come from a deeper and deeper place inside you as your breath runs out (this part is important to really get it all out)

    thats it.

    you will feel different (for me, usually calm and satisfied) after

    Monday, 18 October 2010 @ 8:31pm

  68. 68: loveindcNo Gravatar says:

    Guys, I need help! I have been seeing this guy for almost 5 months and I feel like I am stuck with him. He is divorced with 2 kids and travels a lot because his job (that is what he said) he never asked me on a real conversation for a serious relationship with me and I think it is just convenient for both to keep dating. He is very sweet with me, he treats me real nice and sometime I feel like he care a lot about me but I am afraid to fall for him because I don’t know what he wants… He will be gone next march; he will be overseas for 2 years!!! I really don’t know what to do..

    Monday, 18 October 2010 @ 8:33pm

  69. 69: LuzyNo Gravatar says:

    How to “fix” or “take back” words I said I know pushed him away. I met a fairly good guy three months ago and I felt I screw it by saying too much and letting my emotions take the best of me. I miss talking to him, we had great conversations. I have not called him back, However I feel that if I don’t he may think I am done with him and move on. I was mad the last time we spoke that instead of telling him what I wanted and how I felt, I sort of said that I was done with him. Should I write him an email? I don’t want to call because I may get nervous and make a fool of myself.
    Is it better to leave things like this and just let it be?


    Monday, 18 October 2010 @ 8:33pm

  70. 70: AshleyNo Gravatar says:

    UGH! I finally told boy yesterday that if he couldn’t commit to being exclusive with me then I needed to disappear for a while and give him some time to decide what he really wants. I also informed him that I would be dating other people and would love it if he kept in touch. So… I’m doing ok with it. I deleted his number from my phone so I can’t text him, so the no contact thing may actually be able to happen.
    But CDing… ugh. yuck. gross. it’s driving me batty. I went out Saturday night with a friend from work and ended up simply feeling used, abused and dirty. Now, my POF account and the guys I was talking to on match are just blowing up my inbox. WHY do men who don’t know a thing about me feel the need to call me sweetie or honey or sexy? You don’t get to use a pet name with me until you know me? Or how about the ones that want to contact me but can’t say anything more than “hi.” Or another just got angry with me for not responding to his message that simply said “hi.” I didn’t respond to any messages yesterday, I just wasn’t feeling it. UGH. I’m over it today. I’m blocking and/or deleting anyone who causes me anxiety over this. It’s supposed to be fun. F**K IT!!!!

    I suppose I should be reveling in the attention… but I’m not. It’s not me.

    Now that I’m done ranting… I feel better about setting boundaries for myself. Most of the time. I’m still having moments of doubt, but I’m working on it. I’m blogging about my feelings trying to make sure I understand what I feel and who it’s directed at. I realized today that I don’t need to feel regret or feel bad about telling Boy that he isn’t giving me what I want and I will look elsewhere for it. There’s nothing wrong with me looking out for me.

    I am wondering if I should clarify with Boy that just bc I’m dating other people doesn’t neccessarily mean I’m sleeping with them. I know he has a very clear viewpoint on exes after they’ve slept with other people… but then again, if we aren’t dating, is it really any of his concern?

    And to clarify for all of you… I do want him back, he is the man I want in my life, but I want a commitment to exclusivity and he says he “doesn’t want a relationship.” Anyone else heard that before? 😉

    Eagerly awaiting your feedback and comments! =)

    Monday, 18 October 2010 @ 8:34pm

  71. 71: HoneyNo Gravatar says:

    I posted elsewhere, but no one is out to play on that thread. Everyone is playing on THIS thread, so I’m re-posting, even though I’m off topic!

    O Wise Sirens –

    I am bothered by the fact that a guy who broke up with me still has me listed on his “Favorites” list on Every time I look under “Who’s Favorited Me”, there he is. Maybe he doesn’t even know I’m still there, but every time I see him there, it just makes me rehash everything in my mind, and there’s no point in it. Can I email him the following, or should I just let it go? I tried to practice using feelings statements

    “I was wondering if you wouldn’t mind taking my profile off of your “favorites” list on Match. Whenever you come up on my “Who’s Favorited Me” list, it does bring up some hurt. I’m doing some exciting new things and it would feel really great to just focus on where I am right now. ”

    BTW, Girls, I’m going dancing again tomorrow night. I’ve always wanted to learn to dance but never had anyone to dance with. Went dancing last week with the same guy, and months ago before I met the guy I’m writing to. Sooooooo much fun. Going swing dancing!

    OK…feedback please on what I wrote.

    Monday, 18 October 2010 @ 8:35pm

  72. 72: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    my cd who said those rude things earlier is now texting me



    “how can I make it up to you”


    not by eating my pussy!! sorrry you missed out I DONT KNOW!!!

    i still feel mad and unsafe


    Monday, 18 October 2010 @ 8:41pm

  73. 73: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i feel amused and kinda powerful that he’s contacting me this way now


    Monday, 18 October 2010 @ 8:42pm

  74. 74: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    this new CD wants to take me to THE BEACH and he SURFS and i feel happy about this!!

    Monday, 18 October 2010 @ 8:42pm

  75. 75: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i canceled my second date early cuz he was kinda creeping me out

    first of all, his age was listed as 18, but the he tells me he’s 30, and that he’s listed as 18 because he looks good and doesn’t want older women messaging him and also he gets nasty messages from Men, oh yeah reallly nasty stuff


    that was weird

    then he’s acting all like, well if you dont want to meet, im like ummm i told you 3 times i want to meet

    then he texts me

    oh i just wanna know are you the kidna girl who just wants to talk and wont kiss?

    im like… whoa that question feels weird… im actually not feeling 100% comfortable now and don’t want to meet until i do

    then he texts me

    no, its ok, i feel more uncomfortable than you now, it was nice to meet you bye!

    im like !!! WHOA!!!

    ok whew!!
    glad i canceled that because my first date went on long Anyway, and it was LOVELY

    and i feel PANICKED

    girls im way out my comfort zone (maybe not WAY out) but out.

    have you ever been like, Goth lets say, and you are used to dating or hanging out with all Goth people, and then you meet a guy who’s like real cool, but he’s totally not goth? like maybe he’s Gangsta or something?

    well that’s how i feel, except i don’t know if he realizes that about me

    and i feel afraid to feel judged! and that im judging him


    Monday, 18 October 2010 @ 8:46pm

  76. 76: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Honey – i would just let it go, and try to reframe to feeling flattered

    however, if not … I would try…

    “hi, i don’t want to be on your favorites list right now… i feel upset when i see that… what do you think?”

    Monday, 18 October 2010 @ 8:48pm

  77. 77: HoneyNo Gravatar says:

    Holy Moly –

    Just got an email from a cute doctor on Match…and he ALSO likes to dance….swing, salsa, etc. The universe is sending me dance lessons! How cool is THAT!

    Monday, 18 October 2010 @ 8:55pm

  78. 78: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    “how can I make it up to you”


    not by eating my pussy!! sorrry you missed out I DONT KNOW!!!

    hehe 😯

    ummmm, so pen guy has been awful, awkward,nice and apologetic…. I expressed my feelings….then leaned way back….. and avoided him…. an he finds me…. at work and works to make it right between us…… :) I still don’t feel 100%
    mmmmm …….maybe Daria can suggest how he can make it up to me………… insert (giggle)

    Monday, 18 October 2010 @ 8:57pm

  79. 79: HoneyNo Gravatar says:

    Daria –

    Thanks. I want to learn to put things the way you do. To the point…then done.

    I will put on my Big Girl Pants and try to let it go for now.

    Monday, 18 October 2010 @ 8:58pm

  80. 80: HoneyNo Gravatar says:

    Nikita –

    Is Pen Guy cute? He is so after you!

    Monday, 18 October 2010 @ 9:00pm

  81. 81: NikitaNo Gravatar says:


    Yes!!!!!!!! I was sooooo “Goth” and then I met this Italian “gangster”(not really gangsta) and swoon….I never looked back….and …I realized how much I was judging the “gangsters” and missed out on a few experiences because of my previous perceptions….
    I love it in Italy :)

    Monday, 18 October 2010 @ 9:03pm

  82. 82: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Nikita – ok cool but Im the Gangsta here, and he’s a cool open minded surfer realtor and personal trainer

    Monday, 18 October 2010 @ 9:06pm

  83. 83: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Honey – no no, don’t put on big girl pants?

    how about naked or a skirt instead

    don’t tolerate, REFRAME to enjoy!

    like YES, wow this fool is still somewhat jocking me, how weird haha…

    if that won’t work then

    “TAKE ME OFF YOUR LIST NOW MOTHAFU*CKA” might push him away faster than a feeling message

    Monday, 18 October 2010 @ 9:11pm

  84. 84: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Nikita – mm, maybe pen guy could eat your nani.. is that what you’re subtly prodding me to suggest?

    Monday, 18 October 2010 @ 9:11pm

  85. 85: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    Pen guy is cute but for me to date him, I’d have to invoice him for coaching… and removing the training wheels…..

    but- I do view these interactions as a form of cd’ing.
    Inside I want him to be feel good and me a “good guy”…. his youth has potential. I remain inviting without doing any work… it has taken two weeks but boy is he sorry…. and I did not call him any names, guilt him, demand an apology or direct him in any way. I stayed in my feelings…. and I was sad. I was upset….but over time…I have forgotten until I see him…. then I just dodge him a little because I feel awkward…. I wait until he speaks to me first…I smile and say hello…then I dodge him some more… :)
    If I did like him……. I can only imagine how hard I would be tempted to work for a resolution or “closure”. As it stands I do not care….I go home and crawl into bed with a man everynight….. but pen guy is working on closure …. he’s cute and I am feeling so relieved and happy he is not a jerk…just a little immature but I think he means well and he’s got heart :)

    Monday, 18 October 2010 @ 9:14pm

  86. 86: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Nikita – stop fronting you know you want him

    Monday, 18 October 2010 @ 9:16pm

  87. 87: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    Oh wow…. my typing could use some improvement-lolol

    Monday, 18 October 2010 @ 9:17pm

  88. 88: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Nikita and Pen guy sitting under a desk

    k I ss ss leads to SEX

    Monday, 18 October 2010 @ 9:19pm

  89. 89: NikitaNo Gravatar says:


    so if you are gangster,…did he used to date “goth”…

    or are you just reminding me that you’re gangster?

    Monday, 18 October 2010 @ 9:19pm

  90. 90: rheannen killickNo Gravatar says:

    I love that story, it is about being to shy and being to interested, it mixes up the good and bad side of everything in somebody’s love life, i have learned alot, and will take action in my love life that is very similar to this story.

    Monday, 18 October 2010 @ 9:21pm

  91. 91: rheannen killickNo Gravatar says:

    Sex is for those who want to get pregnant, or those who are willing to go behind other peoples backs for no reason, it is deadly to be a part of!

    Monday, 18 October 2010 @ 9:23pm

  92. 92: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    hahaaa!!! no…. I am really content without pen guy nibbling nani -really I am OK!!!!

    And now my mind feels polluted :(

    umm….I am certain. BUT it feels great to experiment with this young guy who may have been taught to neg-girls which..really just annoys me….and well, it feels sad…. I get sad thinking girls are tolerating that. I feel inspired that a WOMAN(that’s right,me:) could teach the puppy how to mingle with sirens 😉


    Monday, 18 October 2010 @ 9:24pm

  93. 93: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Nikita – I actually made my analogy a lot more complicated…

    I’m used to dating mostly gangsta guys, and he’s not

    I’m afraid that I will feel misunderstood/judged if i share with him my feeling of bondedness with gangsta culture

    Monday, 18 October 2010 @ 9:26pm

  94. 94: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    I pollute minds, with nasty nasty thoughts!

    sorry about that!

    it feels fun and now i’m starting to feel overwhelmed by it

    gonna go do something else

    like jump up and down on my bed excitedly

    or maybe read a book

    Monday, 18 October 2010 @ 9:26pm

  95. 95: NikitaNo Gravatar says:


    yeah, no pants…. maybe a big girl heart :)

    or – party like a rockstar …… and put on your big hair!!

    Monday, 18 October 2010 @ 9:27pm

  96. 96: NikitaNo Gravatar says:


    yeah, so….. I get it. Really, I do. I didn’t bring it up….and I still don’t. I once got mad and said something to that effect and it blew up in my face months later….. I only said something because I did not think we were going to be dating in the future and i wanted to …..dunno…be an as$hole? in any case….
    my plan was….”If I don’t make it an issue, it won’t BE an issue”…… and I stick to that plan…..

    Monday, 18 October 2010 @ 9:32pm

  97. 97: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Nikita – I like that. I actually am gonna believe that too. well i already do.

    I want to HEAL this. Thank you! Angels I’m open to healing this… yay!

    Monday, 18 October 2010 @ 9:34pm

  98. 98: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    “I was wondering if you wouldn’t mind taking my profile off of your “favorites” list on Match. Whenever you come up on my “Who’s Favorited Me” list, it does bring up some hurt. I’m doing some exciting new things and it would feel really great to just focus on where I am right now. ”

    this feels so friggin controlling ….. it sounds. small pretend girly voice…. I’m sorry if I sound “not nice”. but it feels soooooo….the world revolves around me-ish….. I would angrily delete you if I got this message…. I feel defensive reading it… and falsely responsible for getting “in your way of exciting new things”…….

    Monday, 18 October 2010 @ 9:39pm

  99. 99: HoneyNo Gravatar says:

    OMG! I left my computer and when I came back, all of THIS! LMAO! You both are so funny! Nasty, but funny!

    Monday, 18 October 2010 @ 9:40pm

  100. 100: HoneyNo Gravatar says:

    OK, I’m confused. Aren’t we supposed to talk about our own feelings? And isn’t that inherently me-ish?

    Monday, 18 October 2010 @ 9:41pm

  101. 101: HoneyNo Gravatar says:

    Nikita –

    I don’t care if you sound “not nice”…I’m here to learn and share. Honest is better than nice

    Monday, 18 October 2010 @ 9:43pm

  102. 102: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    heeeyyyyyy Daria….. did all of those hypnosis to exercise videos manifest/attract a personal trainer??????????? omg????? well? well? well????

    Monday, 18 October 2010 @ 9:44pm

  103. 103: HoneyNo Gravatar says:

    I’m kinda mad that my profile is still on there. Yes, I did some wrong things, like overfunctioning, not accepting him, yada, yada. But he cut me off without a giving me a chance and said all sort of unkind things that weren’t even true. It makes me feel like cr*p seeing him every day.

    Monday, 18 October 2010 @ 9:46pm

  104. 104: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    6: Honey says:

    OK, I’m confused. Aren’t we supposed to talk about our own feelings? And isn’t that inherently me-ish?

    Monday, 18 October 2010 @ 9:41pm

    yes…. you make a wonderful point and I feel a little bewildered differentiating but am working on it…let me get an icy pop…….will be back
    (sucking on stuff helps me process)
    mwuah haaa

    Monday, 18 October 2010 @ 9:47pm

  105. 105: HoneyNo Gravatar says:

    I’m still mad at him. RRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

    He totally dissed me. Why keep my profile up? If I suck so much then leave me alone!!!!!

    Maybe he doesn’t even know my profile is there. I don’t care. I’m still mad.

    Monday, 18 October 2010 @ 9:49pm

  106. 106: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Honey – Reframe:

    he probably still likes you and realizes he freaked out weirdly and feels afraid to contact you again yet

    Monday, 18 October 2010 @ 9:50pm

  107. 107: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    how about:

    “when i opent my account, I see I am on your favorites list, and I’m still feeling angry. I don’t want to be on your favorites list anymore”

    Monday, 18 October 2010 @ 9:51pm

  108. 108: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    but truthfully, it’s his decision – unless maybe you can block him? – i dono

    i had a guy – that Big guy who turned out to be insecure and pushy –

    keep messaging me randomly like

    i wanna have sex

    i want you to be my gf

    then i blocked him on one account so he started on another

    so i wrote him…

    this feels weird.. I don’t want to be harassed

    i haven’t heard from him since

    maybe he just got carried away with his obsession

    Monday, 18 October 2010 @ 9:52pm

  109. 109: ElayneNo Gravatar says:

    @Turtle Girl, #17: I understand completely and share your frustrations. I don’t think men even realize they aren’t stepping up. I met a guy on OKC and all he wants to do is chat. He got shitty with me for not volunteering my phone number! He said “I want a woman who goes after what she wants.” Which to me sounds like low self esteem…I’m all for men feeling good about themselves, but does it have to come from the women they’re dating?

    Another CD came on heavy at first but seems to be flaming out. He kept “forgetting” that he made plans….I would wait for him to call to tell me what time he was picking me up….finally after sitting there thinking he wasn’t going to show up, I called him and went off on him. I’m sure that didn’t get me anywhere but by that time I didn’t give a sh*t because I’d lost all attraction to him.

    I am beginning to understand what Rori means about not wanting him when he pulls away. I say let their lazy asses go….don’t call him. Pull back to zero. I don’t want to be responsible for a man’s self esteem. Ugh. Feels bad just thinking about it

    Also, sirens, Venus is in retrograde until Nov 18, so if men from the past are showing up, you know why :)

    Monday, 18 October 2010 @ 9:53pm

  110. 110: HoneyNo Gravatar says:

    I don’t think he’s afraid to contact me.

    I sent him a nice apology for MY part in what happened. You all helped me with it. I got a nice, warm response but nothing after that. If he wanted to see me, or talk, he could have.

    Monday, 18 October 2010 @ 9:53pm

  111. 111: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    102# I agree.

    I favorite stuff so I can remember it/them or save it for later,

    Monday, 18 October 2010 @ 9:53pm

  112. 112: HoneyNo Gravatar says:

    Yes, I was an ass, but so was he. I owned my part, so I’ve been cleansed of my “assiness”…he’s still an ass.

    I don’t really belive any of that…but it felt good to say it anyway! lol

    Monday, 18 October 2010 @ 9:55pm

  113. 113: Amy F.No Gravatar says:

    I get it. I just got a new job and I’ll have to drive by the exit of my soulmate’s house every f##***ing day (he just disappeared – I do not know why). Trigger, trigger!

    I cannot ask him to move, although I would like him to dig a hole and move underground forever!

    I have to change ME. I have to feel the sadness and the hurt and work through it.

    I agree with Nikita, it feels small to ask this request regarding you being one of his favorites. See if you can change it on your end so you don’t have to see it. If not, work through it and it won’t matter anymore.

    Monday, 18 October 2010 @ 9:55pm

  114. 114: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    I was so gonna write this and I feel sooooooo thrilled somebody else did it!!!!

    yes!!! it is retrograde in SCORPIO of all things

    Monday, 18 October 2010 @ 9:55pm

  115. 115: HoneyNo Gravatar says:

    Where does he get off saving me for later? I’m not a freakin’ can of peaches?

    Monday, 18 October 2010 @ 9:56pm

  116. 116: HoneyNo Gravatar says:

    Maybe that’s why I want off his list! I don’t want to feel like a can of peaches on the shelf just in case there’s nothing better to eat. I’m a fresh juicy peach! heehee

    Monday, 18 October 2010 @ 9:58pm

  117. 117: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    I feel Snoopy laugh from Charlie Brown…

    “I am beginning to understand what Rori means about not wanting him when he pulls away. I say let their lazy asses go…”


    Monday, 18 October 2010 @ 9:59pm

  118. 118: DariaNo Gravatar says:


    the Cd guy from before now texts me

    “i guess you don’t want me anymore, huh?”

    acck i feel scared hes gonna turn on me again!

    and in an effort to cover that up i feel a bit sorry for him

    tho now less since i acknowledged my fear

    i feel unsafe with this!

    Monday, 18 October 2010 @ 9:59pm

  119. 119: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    canned peaches….. oh I used to LOVE canned peaches…… and drink the syrup…yum! they were more consistent than fresh ones :)

    mmm….canned peaches to save the day! when I was lost and sooo needing a sweet “healthy” snack… in wintertime….peaches to the rescue!!!!

    Monday, 18 October 2010 @ 10:02pm

  120. 120: HoneyNo Gravatar says:

    I hate that freakin’ “favorites” thing on Match anyway. WTF! A million guys have me listed as a favorite and most of them never contact me. I think these guys like to make believe they have a harem or something. They probably just like to look at my size 32G breasts!

    Monday, 18 October 2010 @ 10:04pm

  121. 121: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    wow Honey! size 32 G ! no kidding!! they probably do!

    but hey, hella guys Friend me too on Myspace, and don’t contact me… I don’t even notice though anymore

    Monday, 18 October 2010 @ 10:05pm

  122. 122: HoneyNo Gravatar says:

    Hey, maybe they just like my “peaches”…move over, Daria, I’m getting in the gutter next to you.

    Monday, 18 October 2010 @ 10:06pm

  123. 123: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    “i guess you don’t want me anymore, huh?”

    me:”yeah, I’m like, doing this like, surfer thing now, and like totally, like switching up the vibe man…and its just like totally the time to just be like, ALL good vibes…ya know?”


    me:”oh, my other line is beeping,I’m gonna go explore that…I’m getting a good vibe…namaste”



    Monday, 18 October 2010 @ 10:07pm

  124. 124: HoneyNo Gravatar says:

    Yeah, I was up to a GG cuz I gained some weight, but now I’m back down. It sucks finding clothes to fit.

    Monday, 18 October 2010 @ 10:07pm

  125. 125: ElayneNo Gravatar says:

    @Nikita: I should have said clueless lazy asses, LOL. Just feeling like the men in my experience aren’t stepping up right now. I will say that I was able to stop myself from pursuing either one and I did not take it personally, so I think I’m definitely making progress!

    Monday, 18 October 2010 @ 10:09pm

  126. 126: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    Honey do you like Cancer men? they might like you :)

    Monday, 18 October 2010 @ 10:12pm

  127. 127: HoneyNo Gravatar says:

    I’m not pursuing anyone anymore. It’s too freakin’ much work. He’s gonna have to step up if he want my peaches. 😉

    I’m going to bed…going dancing tomorrow night! Yes! Can’t wait!

    Monday, 18 October 2010 @ 10:12pm

  128. 128: HoneyNo Gravatar says:

    Nikita –

    What do you mean about Cancer men? Why? What are they like?

    I’m a Scorpio…the sexy sign.

    Monday, 18 October 2010 @ 10:13pm

  129. 129: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    Good….dancing is practice in leaning back and being an invitation….nite.

    Monday, 18 October 2010 @ 10:14pm

  130. 130: HoneyNo Gravatar says:

    Dancing is my thing right now cuz it’s a metaphor for everything I need to learn

    Monday, 18 October 2010 @ 10:15pm

  131. 131: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    cancers….like breasts

    sometimes….as do venus in cancer

    Monday, 18 October 2010 @ 10:15pm

  132. 132: HoneyNo Gravatar says:

    thanks for the chat everyone. Nite

    Monday, 18 October 2010 @ 10:15pm

  133. 133: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    several Cancer men have broken my heart…

    and got me to sort of pursue them

    First lil kid love

    rebound from First real love

    some guy who might have been gay who never talked to me again after we had sex after a month of seeing each other (his close friend and brother in law got murdered that night so that couldve been part of the shock)

    lil brother of a guy i dated – that i kinda fell in love with – the little brother that is

    Getright man – the one who just messed with my girl


    Monday, 18 October 2010 @ 10:26pm

  134. 134: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    with a lot of them i felt like i was too cold/mean for them

    but NOT ANY MORE…! now i am a siren and that is a RED FLAG FOR ME!!!

    Monday, 18 October 2010 @ 10:27pm

  135. 135: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @55: Jason Miller

    Oh, look! A man using code! All bets off! 😛 I’m a woman; I won’t deny myself. 😈 But I’ll make a strong effort not to typo.


    Thank you
    Thank you
    Thank you,


    Monday, 18 October 2010 @ 10:28pm

  136. 136: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Senior Lady Vibe

    LOL ! we’re BAD

    i feel guilty

    and fun

    Monday, 18 October 2010 @ 10:34pm

  137. 137: SienaNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks Jason! My intuition is strong, I feel good using it in my dating life.

    Mostly I feel good that you looked past my little hissy fit and answered my post / thank you!

    Hmmm, I need to not lead Mover Man on. I wonder how long I should give it before I need to make a final decision? He’s awfully good to me, I just dont feel “ever after” with him.

    I like Evan Marc Katz’s idea of me not needing to do anything but respond if he comes to me, and say yes if it feels good.

    I don’t mind dating him. I like him, and he’s a great guy! It just feels like he could get serious, and I don’t want to hurt him. It’s only been a month… I have plenty of time I guess.

    Monday, 18 October 2010 @ 11:01pm

  138. 138: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    i feel so sorry for mover man…. siena may never marry him……….boo-hoo :(

    will he live?

    Monday, 18 October 2010 @ 11:08pm

  139. 139: SienaNo Gravatar says:

    I’m not sure if #134 was meant sarcastically, so I’m not going to take it as such.

    You bring up a good point, though, Nikita. Me not dating Mover Man if I’m not feeling it would be the most loving thing for me to do. I don’t want to waste his time, same way I don’t want my time to be wasted.

    Monday, 18 October 2010 @ 11:17pm

  140. 140: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Siena – that feels TERRIBLE to Daria to read!

    Don’t you know that your presence is a GIFT!???

    there is no WASTE of time, ever – in Daria world

    I get triggered by that phrase grrr

    Monday, 18 October 2010 @ 11:18pm

  141. 141: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    actually you may find yourself digging him later on, if you allow him to get close to you and open up to him with honesty

    Monday, 18 October 2010 @ 11:20pm

  142. 142: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    wow i feel triggered by my own words

    Monday, 18 October 2010 @ 11:23pm

  143. 143: SienaNo Gravatar says:

    Right… I’ve heard you day it a million times Daria, about our presence being a gift. It’s a shift for me.

    Truth is, I don’t want him to be my ever after guy. (I feel icky saying this) I’ve seen the kind of life he lives, and it doesn’t appeal to me.

    Oh wow, I feel all hot in my throat saying that. My eyes are watering and I feel tight in my chest.

    I feel really mean judging a nice guy.

    But it’s just not enough for me.

    I’m not even talking about money. I’m talking about how BIG a life he’s living.

    I’m working really hard to stop living small, and I don’t want to be with someone who lives small.

    Hello trigger!!

    Monday, 18 October 2010 @ 11:27pm

  144. 144: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    well i’ll just say that FOR ME I strongly affirm that no time spent with me is EVER a WASTE

    and that the most loving thing i can do with a man is allow him time with me and my truth

    and it feels sad to read about how not dating a man is not loving

    cuz if i thought that way i wouldn’t be dating much at all

    i feel glad to be able to expand my dating comfort zones by dating men that seem nothing like what i think i will want to marry, just because they are stepping up and i feel good with their attention

    i feel confident that i AM BLESSING them by allowing them to worship me

    how awful for a man going to the Goddess Altar to be told that the Goddess doesn’t accept his worship, when it’s given lovingly


    i feel sad and afraid to write this… i don’t want to trigger Siena

    why does this trigger me

    i feel disappointed…

    I feel terribly ineffectual at motivating another siren right now



    is that enough?

    is it enough that it’s enough for me?

    aww i feel sad hearing others say other stuff

    i want everyone to get on the Rori CD bandwagon…

    i want everyone to feel energized and hapy to be given to by a man and not even think about will they marry them until they’ve been asked

    Monday, 18 October 2010 @ 11:29pm

  145. 145: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Siena – wow cool trigger!

    I get that, I kinda didn’t want this Italian guy to be my forever, cuz he didn’t look like what I expected my forever…

    i did some EFT and feel open to him now

    i don’t have to worry about him being my forever…

    i felt good being with him

    maybe being wiht Mover Guy doesn’t feel so good? cuz he’s playing small and that feels triggering?

    Monday, 18 October 2010 @ 11:30pm

  146. 146: SienaNo Gravatar says:

    I’ve always been the woman who says, “he should love me for my big heart.”

    Now I see how that doesn’t work.

    Hmm, this doesn’t feel good.

    I don’t like me much right now. I love me, but I don’t like my judgements.

    Monday, 18 October 2010 @ 11:31pm

  147. 147: SienaNo Gravatar says:

    Yes, Daria, that’s it. He lives a very safe life. Mostly, I don’t like the way I feel in comparison with him ( if that makes sense.) I’m like the crazy, risk-taking hippy next to him, and that doesn’t feel safe. He’s still in the “everything’s cool” stage, but it doesn’t feel like it would last. I feel nervous now that i would be stifled later.

    Monday, 18 October 2010 @ 11:35pm

  148. 148: SienaNo Gravatar says:

    Daria, I feel bad that you might be feeling like you have to tiptoe around me now.

    I’m *very* sensitive, something that I’m working on healing (by at least half!)

    I don’t want you to not speak your honesty or what’s on your heart around me. I prefer honesty always, even if it quicks me. <3

    Monday, 18 October 2010 @ 11:38pm

  149. 149: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Siena – hmm, this sounds like something that might be expressed to him?

    also it reminds me of my own situation with new cd – i was worried that he might judge me in the future

    Monday, 18 October 2010 @ 11:56pm

  150. 150: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Daria – hey, how are you feeling

    good, wishing i was working out


    i can do that for you




    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 12:05am

  151. 151: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Yay ! I worked out!

    Rori says the better I get at using my boy energy to take care of my girl, the more masculine men i will attract and the more men will want to give to me!

    I’m so excited!

    AND… I’m getting ready to Really start my secret of workout thingy… heee

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 12:33am

  152. 152: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Siena – thanks for letting me know… i won’t tiptoe now! yay.. i did feel a lil wary earlier

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 12:35am

  153. 153: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Rori Raye’s Rules For Landing The Perfect Man

    Thursday, 26 June 2008 @ 11:06am • My Weblog

    What IS a perfect man, anyway?

    If you believe you’ve ever had one, or have one in your mind, take out a piece of paper and write down the “qualities” you think made him “perfect” or WILL make him “perfect.”

    Now take a look at your list. Maybe you’ve written down things like “attractive (or even handsome), financially secure, sensitive, likes animals, generous…”

    Well, my Rules are this (actually – it’s just one Rule to start): It doesn’t matter what you’ve written on the list, or how good he looks on paper, or even how good he looks in real life. His qualities DON’T MATTER.

    The only thing that matters is this entry on your list: “When I’m with him, and even when I’m NOT with him – I feel loved, cared for, happy and secure. “ That’s it.

    Who he is and How he is mean nothing. How you FEEL with a man is ALL that counts. And I don’t mean how you feel about HIM. I don’t mean how much YOU love HIM, or how excited you feel, or how much “chemistry” there is, or how much “fun” you have together, or how great sex is, or how much you have “in common.” None of that means ANYTHING. We’re often devastatingly attracted to men who are emotionally unavailable or not mature enough to truly be in a committed, real relationship, and then end up literally devastated.

    The only thing that means anything is how you feel about YOURSELF in his presence.

    So take out your piece of paper and turn it over. Now write a list of how you want to FEEL about YOURSELF in your “perfect” RELATIONSHIP! (Remember – this is about the Relationship, not about the man.) Let me know how it feels to look at relationship this way, and we’ll talk more and more about how all this works.


    Rori Raye

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 12:48am

  154. 154: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    I feel like I am a Goddess, I feel like I am Desired, i feel like I’m Worshipped. I feel powerful! I feel like I am the world…

    I feel like I’m smart, I feel like I’m awesomely attractive.

    I feel like I’m the ocean and he’s the surfer.

    I feel like I LOVE me and the playful parts of me.

    I feel Proud of myself. I feel supportive of myself, I feel accomplished, I feel Worthy. I feel Important. I feel Powerful.

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 12:51am

  155. 155: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    okay so i’ve realized i think I’m not successful.

    I want to change this.

    What am I successful at?

    I am successful at using feeling messages with men.

    I am successful at understanding Rori Raye relationship communication and dating philosophy.

    I am successful at Applying said philosophy.

    I am succesful at attracting men.

    I am succesful at being very street smart and knowledgeable.

    I am succesful at healing from illnesses without toxic medications.

    I am succesful at enforcing my boundaries with my family babystep by babystep.

    I am succesful at living with spirit in my life .

    I am succesful at working out today.

    I am succesful at getting a very high score on the GMAT.

    I am succesful at creating poems and stories.

    I am succesful at creating my own blog.

    I am succesful at dressing spectacularly.

    I am succesful at smoking weed in an intentional, spirit way.

    I am succesful at releasing myself from smoking and drinking addictions.

    I am succesful at learning all the time.

    I am succesful at graduating from college.

    I am succesful at being very respected by powerful and even dangerous men on the street

    I am succesful at seeing through many illusions of what life is about

    I am succesful at believing in myself and that I will have what I want

    I am succesful at being a hypnotic dancer

    I am succesful at not attacking men

    I am succesful at distancing myself from people when i don’t feel respected.

    I am succesful at eating natural foods according to my spirit guidance.

    I am succesful at contacting spirit, lots of spirits and voices

    I am succesfful at feeling energy

    IM succsefful at feeling my feelings.

    Im succesful at visualizing amazing spirit pictures

    Im succesful at beginning singing

    Im successful at cooking

    im successful at doing what I want to do

    im succesful at believing im going to be OK no matter what (omg wow I AM I AM I AM I AM!!! wow! celebrate)

    I am succesful at finding spirit in everyday things

    IM succesful at communicating with plants

    Im successful at seeing the big picture

    im succesful at being attentive to details

    im successful at being a genius

    im succesful at reading quickly

    im successful at understanding stretches in my body

    im succesful at using herbs for wellbeing

    Im successful at attracting attention wherever i go

    im successful at standing up for myself in physical fights

    im succesful at suriving intensity

    im successful at behaving honorably and loyaly

    im succesful at trusting my intuition

    im succesful at being safe around people

    im successful at getting along with people from all walks of life

    im succesful at intriguing people

    im successful at giving my man pleasure sexually

    im successful at having sexual boundaries that benefit me

    im succesful at drinking healthy water

    im succesful at saying thank you to the plants and animals and rocks i eat

    im successful at converting online videos to formats

    im succesful at using html

    im successful at noticing things awhile before they become trends

    im succesful at looking at things in an out of the box way

    im successful in being honest with myself

    im succesful at loving

    im successful at feeling fear

    and anger

    and happiness

    and grief

    im succesful at healing my crying mechanism!

    im successful at vacuuming the house

    im successful at washing the dishes in the house

    im successful at brushing my skin

    im successful at having my hair feel healthy and look luxurious without washing often

    im successful at feeling and being clean


    i love me
    i just want to love love love on me now

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 1:23am

  156. 156: ReneeNo Gravatar says:

    Jason — I don’t know if you’re still hanging out on this thread, but I hope so.

    I probably should have mentioned that a few weeks ago, he told me he wanted to be exclusive…that he didn’t want other men holding me or kissing me…and I happily agreed. Fast forward a few days and he panicked. He broke up with me, saying something “spritual” was missing, something he couldn’t quite put his finger on.

    Two days later, I sent him an email explaining that I had been suffering from depression in the past and realized that I had been going through another depressive period this summer and that after he broke up with me, it prompted me to do something about it and I felt so much better and that I more or less had him to thank for it.

    That night, he ended up showing up at my house and was waiting in my driveway when I got home from the grocery. We talked for a while — a little about the depression and why I felt the need to tell him (I told him that when he told the story of “us” in his head, I wanted him to have the “whole” story of what happened) and we talked about us. The whole time, we were touching and he was rubbing on me touching my face and he finally said, “Does it look like we’re over?” (rhetorical question given that we were obviously hanging all over each other again). So we decided we’d give it another shot and saw each other the next two nights, the first of which was a lot of fun, the second of which led to a discussion (at his prompting) about “where we were”.

    He asked me whether we were dating or dating exclusively. I told him I wasn’t anticipating having that discussion right now, but that I was thinking about the exclusive thing…that someone had asked me out and I hadn’t said yes or no, that I had wanted to see how tonight went before I committed one way or another.

    Then he said that right now, it would feel like less “pressure” on him if we weren’t exclusive. That he didn’t really have the time (or much inclination) to take other people right now, but that non-exclusvity felt “right” to him right now. I asked him if he tought we were working towards becoming exclusive and he said yes, of course that was the logical next step before falling in love, getting engaged and getting married. I was a bit taken aback (since he had been pushing for exclusivity just days prior) and I told him that although I hadn’t been sure whether I wanted to be exclusive, but that hearing him say that felt like rejection to me. He apologized and said that’s not what it was and that he cared about me.

    We continued talking, at which point he brought up that he wasn’t sure he “could” ever get married again…not that he didn’t “want” to get married again, but he wasn’t sure he “could”. He then asked me if it would hurt my feelings if we were dating 8, 10 or 12 months and I still hadn’t met his daughters and I told him yes, it probably would at that point and he agreed that he felt most women would probably feel like that at that point. He then asked if I would have the same reaction if it were 6 months before I met his daughters (long enough, he said, to have a good idea of whether there would be a real future for us) and I said 6 months didn’t seem extreme to me and that I understood him wanting to protect his daughters, so yah, 6 months would probably be ok.

    He later added that I should accept that date the coming weekend (he was going to be out of town) because he didn’t deserve my loyalty, that he felt like someone of my caliber could find someone better. That he was maybe 80% of what I wanted, but that I could probably meet someone who was 100% of what I wanted. I replied that I adored him just as he was, faults and all and that while I knew he wasn’t perfect, I totally accepted him as he is and that I liked the way he made me feel when I was with him — special, adored, taken care of.

    We talked a little further and he eventually said, “I guess I’m just spooked”, which felt like an honest answer to me. I told him it was normal to feel scared and that I felt scared too, but I felt like the potential benefits outweighed the risks and I was willing to take the risk. We more or less made up at that point and made love, though I woke up in the middle of the night and left because I was feeling uber vulnerable and was wishing I had handled the whole “non-exclusive” talk better.

    So…I’ve continued going out with other men because he insisted I do so, though he hasn’t actually been out with anyone else and his profile is still hidden on Match. He told me if he did go out with anyone else, he would tell me. He generally asks me to spend time with every night he’s free (not traveling or with his daughters), so I’ve been feeling good about that, but I really don’t know what to do.

    The only reason I tell him about my other dates is because he asks me about them. He asks questions about how he compares with these men (in looks, success level and behavior) and I’m honest with him, though I always lead him to believe that he’s the clear winner of the competition (he has nicer eyes, or better manners or is sweeter to me), but he seems to somehow enjoy the competition and having the “pressure” off of him seems to suit him at this point, though ever since that time, he has been slightly less attentive.

    He did end up txting me after all last night, (during the time he thought I was on my date) and said he hoped I was enjoying the conversation, but that to keep in mind that there was no way this guy was going to be as perverted (private joke), freaky and funny as he was. “You know that baby!” he said.

    So this dynamic of my dating other men someone seems to both give him a charge that he’s having to “compete” for me, but also seems to trigger some insecurity.

    Other than a long distance “rebound” relationship immediately after his divorce, I’m the first “real” relationship he’s had (the first one where there might actually be a chance I might meet his daughters) and it’s obvious that the prospect of actually incorporating someone into his life full time is scary to him and I understand that.

    But the last couple of weeks, he hasn’t been as attentive as he used to be…(things like the “good morning” txts) and txts throughout the day…it’s like he’s not thinking of me as much as he used to…or maybe he’s just trying to give me “space” as you put it, but I don’t really want space from him.

    So…what do I do? Do I break up with him because he’s backed off some (though we’re still spending as much time as ever together) or what? I obviously don’t really want to break up with him, but if I’m going to be just a glorified “friend with benefits”, I want to call a halt to this.

    I guess I just thought that if there was chemistry and physical attraction there and we were compatible, the “romantic” feelings would just be there…and the jealousy is a little reassuring, but I don’t know what to make of all this. I get he’s afraid and I get his wanting to take things slowly, but I’m still confused about his intentions. He has said several times that he’s not just looking for someone to have sex with, that he wants a real ‘connection’ and a companion.

    So what do I do to get him to take me seriously again? If dating other men really bothers him, I would be happy to stop, but since he’s insisted, I’m trying to make the best of it and actually enjoy myself on dates (easier said than done when your heart is with someone else).

    I don’t want to waste my time if he just sees us a friends, but based on our conversations, it seems like he is at least contemplating a future with me, but two weeks ago, he was saying things like, “I want to spend New Year’s with you” and “Can I just book every Saturday through mid-November with you now?” but he hasn’t said anything like that lately, though he did ask to see me the nights he has free this week and has already booked this Saturday night with me.

    Any chance I can turn this around or have I “lost him” at this point? I’m afraid I don’t know how to trigger romantic feelings in a man and this is really scary…the thought that he may just enjoy my friendship and sex but not see a future with me after all feels bad. He seems really caught up in the “if things were meant to be” thing — like he’s testing me out in a way to see if I do fall for someone else because if I do, then things obviously weren’t “meant to be” for us.


    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 1:51am

  157. 157: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Renee – something just came to mind which is that you may find that Commitment Blueprint from Rori really fits your situation and kind of explains how men get triggered to romantic feelings

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 2:02am

  158. 158: AshleyNo Gravatar says:


    I’m by no means an expert here, as I’m struggling myself, but it sounds like as soon as you started attaching expectations to plans and him, things started to feel “off”. Not that I have a solution for you, I know how hard it is not to have them. But I think it all goes back to learning how to just “be” without expectations for him and the relationship. I’m very guilty of the same thing.

    Just my 2 cents. =)


    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 2:39am

  159. 159: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    I feel angry, I feel resentful, I feel unseen.

    I feel powerless, I feel sad, I feel afraid.

    I feel furious, I feel disrespected, I feel unsafe.

    I feel like controlling, smashing, making wrong.

    I feel like judging. I feel unsafe. I feel confused.

    I feel unloved. I feel less than, I feel gnashing teeth.

    I feel sad, I feel lonely. I feel dissapointed.

    I don’t want to be treated this way, I don’t want to feel this way, I feel angry hmmmph

    A part of my being already knows how to heal this Right now.

    And that part of my being is willing to inform the rest of me now.

    It is now doing so, with grace and ease.

    My mind , body and spirit are receiving the information.

    Information transfer is now complete.

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 2:57am

  160. 160: JenniferNo Gravatar says:

    Still feeling crazy.
    I know it looks dramatic. It sure as HELL feels dramatic. I get tired of the rollercoaster.
    I feel a little triggered by that….cause my mom used to tell me that ANYTIME I said I had a feeling about anything…I was being dramatic. Like it was a bad thing. I know it was just her way of shutting me up so she didn’t have to deal with me.
    Not that this is what you are doing….its just my trigger.
    Thanks for that. I get to feel like my drama is ok.
    My drama is ok.
    Yes Nikita I am peaking. Like a MoFo.
    ALLLLL over up in here.
    the problem is ….. I am scared.
    B used to use sex as punishment. If he was unhappy about something…he’d wait till i wanted sex….which I did all the time. And then just lay there like it was a chore.
    But not tell me he had ever been upset. So I got to figuring maybe I’m not so good in bed? Maybe I’m boring? Maybe I’m not so attractive……I mean he certainly liked the porn…so he likes sex. just not so much with me.
    Maybe men don’t like sex with “women like me”?
    Maybe I’m not interesting enough…the brain is the biggest sex organ, and he never let me finish a sentence.
    Maybe I’m too fat.
    Maybe I’m ugly?
    I Dunno.
    I know this is HIS shit.
    But I’m all hella triggerd.
    Trigger + Pon Farr…..= Jen is a freakin basket case.
    In a dramatic type way 😉

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 3:59am

  161. 161: ReneeNo Gravatar says:

    Daria — Do you know what part of Committment Blueprint that is? I have that program and have listened to it before, but could definitely stand to listen to it again now that I’m in a relationship. But it would be great if you could roughly remember what step or section the part you’re referring to is in.

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 5:06am

  162. 162: life_is_too_short_to...No Gravatar says:

    Yes, Jennifer….glad it could be a trigger for you, but you were right that i was not being like your mother and dismissing you…..I accept and embrace my daughter’s (and yours) dramatic ness and love you both not in spite of it, but because of it. (I am prone to it myself, roller coaster rides and all!!)

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 6:29am

  163. 163: DeniseNo Gravatar says:

    Honey, I would not care if he still has me on his favorite list. I would ignore him. I would not contact him about that. Let him have to see you every time he logs on!

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 8:21am

  164. 164: DeniseNo Gravatar says:

    Jennifer, the guy won’t let you finish a sentence? HUH? I’m with you, the brain is the big turn on organ. Without that, you have nothing. If the guy does not listen to you, how does that make you feel? I would not want that person in my life at all.

    Sorry your mom made a bad deal about your expression. Listen to your own feelings. Be proud.

    And a guy who is passive aggressive about sex, please!!!! If it was a chore for him, do not grant him your presence!

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 8:41am

  165. 165: Simply ShannonNo Gravatar says:

    Jen, I’m gonna beat the hell out of your nasty voices. Seriously. Okay no. I won’t do that. I feel compassion for the nasty voices that call you ugly or dramatic or fat. Wait. I feel angry. I do want to beat the shit of those voices. These same voices live inside of me.

    I love my insecurity. I love my fear. Cuz it is fear. Fear that I really am that beautiful and wonderful and emotionally centered. What kind of man would want me then? A really good man. One who might challenge me and support me and help me to do amazing things in this life instead of sit around and worry about my weight or my not-so-exciting life. I’d actually have to really get out and do awesome stuff. Hmmm. My little ol’ brain almost can’t see that guy. Like when I look at pictures online, I mentally glance over the ones who are really good looking thinking he’s too hot for me and wouldn’t like me or the really interesting one whose life is super dynamic thinking he’d feel bored with me or that my “excitement” ain’t that exciting.

    Anyone else do this?

    I’m pushing against this wall right now. I wonder what it would be like to be with an amazingly sexy, confident man who can support me, challenge me, and help me to do more. What would that relationship be like?

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 8:43am

  166. 166: Rori RayeNo Gravatar says:

    rheannen, Welcome, and your attitude around sex sounds like a seriously not fun, no-love place to be in. Is this really what you want? Love, Rori

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 8:48am

  167. 167: DeniseNo Gravatar says:

    Renee, I have been following this the last few weeks. Slow down, You said yourself. He is confused. It will take some time, the relationship is way too new, and I do not see it as flaming out whatsoever. He is coming to terms and feeling his way. He is making plans in advance, that is awesome! You are awesome. Just be. Breathe, and enjoy the attention. Make yourself happy with other things, whatever they may be.

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 8:49am

  168. 168: Rori RayeNo Gravatar says:

    loveindc, Welcome, and yes – you DO know what to do. You would be insane to tie yourself exclusively to this man, and you are not insane. Learn here. Circular Date. Change your life, change your circumstances. Love, Rori

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 8:50am

  169. 169: Simply ShannonNo Gravatar says:

    Daria, thank you for sharing your list of successes. It feels interesting to me the judgments that come up for me (I’m not doing that or that or that). Those pesky nasty voices, clamoring for attention. Tsk, tsk.

    Note to self: Must buy more cookies for the NVs. Maybe ones that are extra chewy. Longer to chew hence taking longer to speak up again. :-)

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 8:52am

  170. 170: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    Good Morning Siena,

    Thank you…. #138. I felt sad and a little angry-I like mover man..I realize that may seem silly…but I do like him!!!! and I hear him really liking you. I have had wonderful affairs where it was not happy ever after and we KNEW but we kept going…..oops-I feel a song coming on :)

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 9:00am

  171. 171: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    opened my eyes
    While you were kissing me once more than once
    And you looked as sincere as a dog
    Just as sincere as a dog does,
    When it’s the food on your lips with which it’s in love

    I bet you could never tell
    That I knew you didn’t know me that well
    It is my fault you see
    You never learned that much from me

    Oh you silly stupid pastime of mine
    You were always good for a rhyme
    And from the first, to the last time, the signs
    Said ‘Stop’ – but we went on whole-hearted
    It ended bad, but I love what we started
    It said ‘Stop’ – but we went on whole-hearted
    It ended bad, but I love what we started

    I took off my glasses
    While you were yelling at me once more than once
    So as not to see you see me react
    Should’ve put ’em, should’ve put ’em on again
    So I could see you see me sincerely yelling back

    I bet your fortressed face
    Belied your fort of lace
    It is by the grace of me
    You never learned what I could see

    Oh you silly stupid pastime of mine
    You were always good for a rhyme
    And from the first to all the last times, all the signs
    Said ‘Stop’ – but we went on whole-hearted
    It ended bad, but I love what we started
    It said ‘Stop’ – but we went on whole-hearted
    It ended bad, but I love what we started

    Parting Gift

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 9:07am

  172. 172: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    am on a lonely road and I am traveling
    Traveling, traveling, traveling
    Looking for something, what can it be
    Oh I hate you some, I hate you some, I love you some
    Oh I love you when I forget about me

    I want to be strong I want to laugh along
    I want to belong to the living
    Alive, alive, I want to get up and jive
    I want to wreck my stockings in some juke box dive
    Do you want – do you want – do you want to dance with me baby
    Do you want to take a chance
    On maybe finding some sweet romance with me baby
    Well, come on

    All I really really want our love to do
    Is to bring out the best in me and in you too
    All I really really want our love to do
    Is to bring out the best in me and in you
    I want to talk to you, I want to shampoo you
    I want to renew you again and again
    Applause, applause – Life is our cause
    When I think of your kisses my mind see-saws
    Do you see – do you see – do you see how you hurt me baby
    So I hurt you too
    Then we both get so blue.

    I am on a lonely road and I am traveling
    Looking for the key to set me free
    Oh the jealousy, the greed is the unraveling
    It’s the unraveling
    And it undoes all the joy that could be
    I want to have fun, I want to shine like the sun
    I want to be the one that you want to see
    I want to knit you a sweater
    Want to write you a love letter
    I want to make you feel better
    I want to make you feel free
    I want to make you feel free

    © 1970; Joni Mitchell

    inspired by siena and mover man

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 9:29am

  173. 173: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    #144- want everyone to feel energized and hapy to be given to by a man and not even think about will they marry them until they’ve been asked——-

    YEA! I feel this too :)

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 9:41am

  174. 174: Simply ShannonNo Gravatar says:

    New profile! I love this one. :-)

    Calling all great men! Think you’ve got what it takes to star in My Life’s Great Story? Story line will include adventure, love, laughter, and joy, sprinkled liberally with thrills and spills. I’ve already cast a beautiful girl as the leading lady. (See pictures for details.) Body doubles need not apply. I’m only interested in the real thing.

    Leading man requirements include:
    A man with integrity and strong faith;
    Treats others with respect;
    Knows how to have fun and can make the best of any situation.

    I’m also casting for court jester. Those qualifying for both leading man and court jester will be given preferential treatment.

    Auditions will be held very soon. If this sounds like you, I would feel very happy to hear from you…

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 9:42am

  175. 175: Simply ShannonNo Gravatar says:

    Nikita, that Fiona song is a trip.

    Siena, It does feel uncomfortable to not decide one way or the other. To put everyone in a square box (yes or no). I really had to force myself NOT to do that with Mr. Fab Kisser, not to seek a decision or seek closure. I told him “I feel unsure”. Unfortunately instead of convincing me, he down selected himself. I really like the post Daria included about knowing who we feel about ourselves when we’re with a man. There’s only one man I’ve dated who made me feel better, like I wanted to aspire to be more. He wasn’t a big dreamer type guy either (that’s my job – lol!) but he felt like home to me. The guy I could jump off from. Grounding, ya know? Sigh. I miss that feeling. I wonder who will be the next guy to do that again. An even better guy.

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 9:53am

  176. 176: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    That Gaze

    As an experiment I tried a 2-second gaze today on a few random guys. Even two seconds feels like a long time!

    I only did this with guys who were coming toward me as I walked along the sidewalk. The first guy I tried it on was way younger, but hey,,,he was there. 😆 I gave him the “2 second” as he was walking past me; he did a “double take” heehee 😆 and I gave him a little smile and kept on moving. It was fun.

    I was nervous to try the first one but seeing the reaction made me bolder 😈 so I went for another one, then another. I did three. The last guy, the fourth, failed but I wasn’t able to make eye contact so I won’t count that one.

    He second one, said” senora, senora” in a very pleasant voice and the third one actually stopped in his tracks and did a full body turn around and very turned back to the other direction. I was moving steadily at a fast clip in the opposite direction.

    It seemed almost like this was some sci-fi auto robot reaction. Like these guys had a metal screw protruding from the top of their heads and I just gave a little twist and they automatically turned their heads toward me. They all quickly adjusted their walk…maybe they didn’t like me. Who cares? It was fun and funny too. I wasn’t laughing but I had a big ole smile on my face. 😀

    Is this usual? This was only TWO SECONDS!! I didn’t think I had the nerve to go for FIVE SECONDS.


    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 9:54am

  177. 177: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    I’m still thinking about “the gaze” and wondering it it’s possible that a shorter (than 5 or 6! seconds) might work better for senior women. Like less makeup looks better on senior woman than more makeup. There might be something to this. Maybe some other sirens have some ideas here.

    It could be that a 3-second gaze would be it for me; it seems innocent but just a tad longer than expected. 😆 yet not long enough for a guy to wonder if I’m a “looney old woman” or a horny ole gal on the make…because if he did that then he would be unkind and not a gentleman. Heeheehee. But…it’s still inviting…or it seems to be. Time and practice will tell.

    Still thinking about it…


    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 10:04am

  178. 178: MeemeeNo Gravatar says:

    Dear Sirens,
    I have got a question.
    Today I did well in office. In fact I was sitting next to XXX during lunch. I didnt even look at him. He wanted to come to my room, but another colleague of mine was there my the room.
    Talking about this colleague- let me call him A- he has been trying to be friends with me in the last one week. I had helped him with some work stuff. This morning he texted me saying he got some chocolates for me and he is somewhere close to my house and whether he can drop in. I had already left for office, so I said i’ll meet him at office. When I met him in office he asked me if I want to join for a coffee. We made coffee and talked about his house hunting experiences and a whole lot of stuff. In the afternoon also he came to my room and sat and talked- about this and that and many things. When I was leaving office, he again came and asked me if I can wait for one minute so that he can also join. Then he asked me if I can help him to find a decent house since he is planning to take a house close to where I live in and since I know some people who can be of help. I said I will try. We walked till the bus point and I came home.

    I talked to A and spent time with him and had coffee with him, not becasue I really wanted to. I was feeling upset about having to see XXX every minute I spend in office. But becasue of A could postpone my bad feelings for some time. But i was using A (and his eagerness to talk) to not to think and obsess about XXX. When I use a thing from my feel-good-list I did not have any confusion. But today I feel I unnecesarily entertained A just to keep XXX away.

    Now I feel what I did was not right. This is the first time I “used” a person to forget about XXX. It worked. But I feel guilty.

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 10:07am

  179. 179: NikitaNo Gravatar says:


    I love it!!!!! :)

    (scream!!!!!!) LMAO —I love it and feel totally compelled to write you jokes, and sonnets, and…whew-I’m beat :)

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 10:11am

  180. 180: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    IT’s ThE SiMPLY SHaNNon SHOW 😀

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 10:12am

  181. 181: Simply ShannonNo Gravatar says:

    Hells yes. Thank you Nikita! Ok, phew. I feel relieved. Hehe! I love affirmations and confirmations. Brava! Brava! And the crowd goes wild…

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 10:15am

  182. 182: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:


    Usually when a man comes after me with chocolates and starts hanging around making excuses to see me I do not consider myself using him. I believe men do what they want to do.

    Did you ever think maybe this guy likes you? I believe men liking me and treating me well is a good thing.

    My two cents: it doesn’t seem to me that you have done the slightest thing wrong; however, I probably would not want to become de facto real estate agent for the guy. I might say “no, thank you” to doing a lot of “work.”


    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 10:17am

  183. 183: Simply ShannonNo Gravatar says:

    Oh girl. I should call it The Simply Shannon Show. Oh my… Duh. :-) Now that’s funny. Thank you! Hahaha! I’m LMAO too!

    SLV: Shorter feels more comfortable for me too but if I feel confident, why only 5 seconds? Why not 20 seconds? He’s just a person. And I’m looking at him. He might be cool to know. Hmmm…

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 10:20am

  184. 184: Simply ShannonNo Gravatar says:

    Meemee, what’s your question? I missed it. ??

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 10:21am

  185. 185: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    There is nothing wrong with befriending a man. Do I understand correctly that the reason you feel guilty is because you are not attracted to him? If that is the case, just enjoy the friendship. You are not leading him on to be a coworker who is friendly. You don’t have to marry every man you meet.

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 10:27am

  186. 186: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    this reminds me of…
    “sprinkled liberally with thrills and spills. I’ve already cast a beautiful girl as the leading lady.”

    The Dandy Warhols “horse pills”

    and that reminds me of “bohemian Like you….”
    a song I lived :)

    I feel nostalgic..
    and corny !! lol

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 10:28am

  187. 187: MeemeeNo Gravatar says:

    Simply Shannon,
    :) I didnt ask it.
    Whether I was using this man and whether it is advisable to do so!!!!!

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 10:31am

  188. 188: NikitaNo Gravatar says:


    wow, exciting times! A is also “using” you as his informal real estate agent and I doubt he is going to pay you a commission :)

    Maybe you feel (however you feel) because A might have more than a friend feeling and that could be scary if you do not feel that in return? A was “using” you, just as much as you “were using him”.

    I use my coat.

    I use my purse.

    I use my car.

    I use my house.

    I use my puppy(for her fluffy warmth and cuteness)

    I use my favorite scarf…..a lot.

    I use my coffee mug.

    and I use money.

    I LOVE the things I use….even though I am only “using” them.

    My puppy “uses” me to bathe her, wash her food dish, and put food in it, and put it where she can eat from it, and she uses my as a playmate and sometimes a servant :) but that’s ok…..

    I use my blanket.

    Do you see where I am going with this?


    p.s. I feel very grateful to A for playing humble hero and protecting you today from being stuck alone with XXX -yay 😉

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 10:41am

  189. 189: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    Wise Wise words from Lady SLV…….

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 10:42am

  190. 190: life_is_too_short_to...No Gravatar says:

    © 1970; Joni Mitchell

    love that song and joni

    also like You Turn Me On, I’m a Radio,

    where she sings

    you don’t like weak women you get bored to quick
    and you don’t like strong women cuz theyre hip to your tricks..


    I know you don’t like weak women
    You get bored so quick
    And you don’t like strong women
    ‘Cause they’re hip to your tricks
    It’s been dirty for dirty
    Down the line
    But you know
    I come when you whistle
    When you’re loving and kind
    But if you’ve got too many doubts
    If there’s no good reception for me
    Then tune me out, ’cause honey
    Who needs the static
    It hurts the head
    And you wind up cracking
    And the day goes dismal
    From “Breakfast Barney”
    To the sign-off prayer
    What a sorry face you get to wear
    I’m going to tell you again now
    If you’re still listening there
    If you’re driving into town
    With a dark cloud above you
    Dial in the number
    Who’s bound to love you
    If you’re lying on the beach
    With the transistor going
    Kick off the sand cause honey
    The love’s still flowing
    If your head says forget it
    But your heart’s still smoking
    Call me at the station
    The lines are open

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 10:44am

  191. 191: MeemeeNo Gravatar says:

    I am feeling guilty because I talked to him only because I wanted to get X out of my head for some time. Not because I was feeling friendly towards A.
    I felt I was not being genuine. I felt I was mean it doing so.

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 10:44am

  192. 192: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    re: #175

    all men are in the *MayBE BOX —until further notice 😀

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 10:45am

  193. 193: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    LIT S,

    I love the RADIO song…..sooooooo much!!!!

    It is soooooo INVITATION!!!!!


    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 10:46am

  194. 194: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    RE: #188 –
    Things are for using.
    People are for loving.

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 10:47am

  195. 195: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    Joni!!! Radio Live

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 10:48am

  196. 196: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    No, that is not using him. I really don’t classify that as anything beyond befriending a coworker. I’m glad you have him as a distraction.

    If you were to lead him on to believe you were attracted and started kissing, etc. that would be using him.

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 10:49am

  197. 197: SienaNo Gravatar says:

    Nikita, I like Mover man too! But I don’t want a casual affair that I (we)know is going nowhere. My heart always gets involved, and in the end I don’t feel good. I want my happily ever after… Forever!

    SS, I hear what you’re saying, too. I realize that I don’t have to make any decisions. I just have to respond to him with my true feelings – which right now are uncertainty.

    I randomly received an email today from a man I met a couple of weeks ago at a conference. He said he was kicking himself for not asking me out. I feel surprised! I didn’t know he was attracted (well, maybe I did a little… But I didn’t expect him to say anything).

    SLV, I LOVE your eye contact experiment. Love love love!!!

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 10:51am

  198. 198: NikitaNo Gravatar says:


    I feel so whatever…to that comment….. addressing me directly to instruct me on the obvious feels so crummy and icky and heart hurting…. I feel hot….and throw up.

    You wish you could USE ryans cock and he is a person…… right?

    does it mean you don’t love ????

    Do you have feelings about my comment?? Do you feel triggered by it….are you scared someone might use you…and that would reduce you to a thing???

    I feel soooo angry….my puppy is NOT a thing!!!!

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 10:52am

  199. 199: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    I use my body…. this flesh bag thing that is only temporary……it a vehicle – a space suit that my soul and spirit USES.


    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 10:54am

  200. 200: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    RE: #198 – I feel yucky reading this comment. I feel attacked. Chill out! I feel like I’m walking through a field of land mines on this blog, and I’m sick of it. Get over it!

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 11:00am

  201. 201: tinqueNo Gravatar says:

    Shannon – Love, love, love this profile!!!

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 11:00am

  202. 202: NikitaNo Gravatar says:


    I feel genuinely confused…. the beginning posts about mover man felt so dreamy to me….and now….I am not sure if you are triggered by that shopping invitation or because mover man is not QUALITY enough for you.

    I feel very confused and I admit I have not been keeping up with all of the posts…so maybe I am misunderstanding.

    But I have told men verbatim. I Will Never Marry You or Sleep With You….and gotten…as a reply ..”ok, let’s still have dinner…we both have to eat and I want company”………..

    So that is my bias, I guess? I am very frank, blunt, honest, and I still got pursued…. and invited out…. and I LEARNED so much about men, food, life, …… a man’s views…(or what he shares over dinner ) 😉

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 11:02am

  203. 203: NikitaNo Gravatar says:


    I feel this too…

    “I feel yucky reading this comment. I feel attacked. Chill out! I feel like I’m walking through a field of land mines on this blog, and I’m sick of it. Get over it!”

    This feels so appropriate to what I felt…but if I tell you to “Get Over It”, will you listen to me? Will you obey my order to get over it or will you get defensive and angry?

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 11:04am

  204. 204: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    I wasn’t attacking you. I was simply stating something a wise mentor told me years ago, and it brought me a lot of clarity.

    I feel weary of dealing with women here because so many seem so jumpy. Relaxxxx!

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 11:07am

  205. 205: MeemeeNo Gravatar says:

    Re: 182 and 188
    SLV and Nikita
    I have already become a real estate agent for half of my colleagues. I have a beautiful (really really beautiful) house with a balcony opening to a mountain view and I pay an incredibly low rent for the wonderful house I live in. People usually talk with envy about my house and seek my help to get in touch with the agent who got me this house. So I didn’t feel bad about A asking me for help in the beginning. But yes, when he asked me if I could go see one house which he liked before he signs the contract, I gently brushed it aside.

    Nikita, he will definitely not pay me commission. LOL :) :). But more chocolates are guaranteed.

    So we were mutually using each other, eh? I did not think that way. To me it appeared like this; he had a material need and he sought for help. I needed help to distract myself from X and I used A’s company to achieve it.

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 11:07am

  206. 206: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @183: Simply Shannon:
    “SLV: Shorter feels more comfortable for me too but if I feel confident, why only 5 seconds? Why not 20 seconds? He’s just a person. And I’m looking at him. He might be cool to know. Hmmm…”

    Not entirely comfortable with ONE second 😆 until today…

    I was thinking of which length would be more effective for me. Maybe different scans for different plans…? 😀 Angelina Jolie could probably get away with 20 seconds (or even two minutes of open-mouthed drooling) but if I did that it might not work as well… 😉

    Of course, if it’s just for fun or confidence building, anything goes…Remember that game…the first to blink loses… 😆 Maybe I could try that too…hmmm that could be fun. Today just thinking about meet situations. I need all the help I can get.


    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 11:11am

  207. 207: Simply ShannonNo Gravatar says:

    I just published my profile on Match.

    Mr. Fab Kisser is gonna see it.
    Mr. Right is gonna see.
    Mr. Right is gonna email me.
    Lots of frogs are gonna see it and email it.

    Oh my… the butterflies. Eeek!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 11:16am

  208. 208: Jason MillerNo Gravatar says:

    135: Senior Lady Vibe

    I have no idea what you mean by a man using code. Can you fill me in on this? Or maybe you don’t want to… :-)

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 11:21am

  209. 209: NikitaNo Gravatar says:


    I feel weary of dealing with women here because so many seem so jumpy. Relaxxxx!

    Again, I see you requesting me to follow your order of “relaxxxxx”. It is a nuance of controlling behavior. I admit I am a sensitive (INFP) personality type. I am capable of just ignoring you but I feel a desire to point out these commands you are issuing me.

    1. things are for using, people are for loving.
    2.Chill Out
    3.Get Over It
    4. Relaxxxx

    this feels very controling to me..very authoritarian….very repetitive..
    I get the sense that by being repetitive it says to me….”I am accustomed to not being listened to, therefore I have to repeat myself in order to get what I want”,
    ..I can also see the side where…Oh it is nothing, nikita is just over reacting, or being dramatic…. I see that too. I can accept that. I also wonder if because I was TOLD to “chill out”, I am purposely NOT chilling out….in an effort to PROVE …..that I do not take orders from you…. I feel curious about how jumpy I can get…

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 11:24am

  210. 210: NikitaNo Gravatar says:


    chocolates are wonderful. I feel relieved that you seem to have understood what I was illustrating. I feel honored to be used to help you get closer to feeling good :)

    if that is what is happening….I hope so 😉

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 11:27am

  211. 211: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    I feel reminded of the bible saying, don’t point out the splinter in someone else’s eye when you have a log in your own.

    I feel livid hearing masculine energy direction to “chill out” or “relax”. That feels so icky. I feel anger over what seems to be hypocritical behavior. I feel turned off. I feel unattracted. I feel icky. I feel angry. I feel a scream rising up in my throat.

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 11:31am

  212. 212: NikitaNo Gravatar says:


    FYI, I still have a lot of love for you and good wishes…and I don’t want you to feel bad…but I don’t want to stuff my real feelings either and I hope we can me can come to a place of mutual caring and understanding. I care about you. I care about me too, though.

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 11:31am

  213. 213: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    207: Simply Shannon says:
    “Lots of frogs are gonna see it and email it.”

    As long as it’s not that “frogman” latex suit guy I saw on CL…:lol: I hope there aren’t too many of those around. I think your profile will be attractive to fun thoughtful types.


    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 11:31am

  214. 214: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    I don’t want to be told what to do!!!!!!!!!!

    I don’t want to be controlled!!!!!!!!!!!!


    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 11:34am

  215. 215: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    I feel weary of all the pettiness on this blog. It is just never ending. I love you and care about you, too. I feel exasperated. Unless I use a particular way of phrasing things in every litttle tiny sentence, I feel jumped on. THAT feels controlling.

    I am tempted sometimes on a daily basis to leave this blog like SOOOO many who have GONE before me. This feels so petty and I feel angry about the constant cesspool of pettiness trying to suck me in.

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 11:37am

  216. 216: Turtle GirlNo Gravatar says:

    I love INFPS. xxoo
    They are wonderful deep feeling peoples. And a Scorprio to boot! Love ya!

    It has been my experience when I am faced with a person who I think is controlling or in my face or don’t like the things they say or whatever the best behavior for me is to simply ignore them and carry on with my life. JMHO.

    To Daria, Denise, Jennifer, Elayne, etc. Thank you all for your input about my situation with walk away man.

    Funny, I leaned back, and last night he starts texting me and we texted for about an hour. Well, he is really just trying to bully me into being exclusive. He said “You want a guy with a motorcycle and a bigger house and a bigger dick and more money.” WOW.

    Put downs. Trying to make me feel bad about his OWN insecurities and jealousies. Whoa……

    I sent him the Radio song from Joni (thanks darlin’ Nikita!)

    I told him I was done with his bullying. I feel free this morning. I feel like rori says we will feel. When we stay with what we want and true to ourselves, we will feel “done” and bored with the man who is treating us with disrespect. I do. I still feel a little sad about him cause he was a sweet man in many ways, but he is not being sweet now, he is being mean. So—–yeah. DONE.

    I feel free! I feel strong in my convictions and what I want. I feel like I just went through the fire and came out better.

    And the credit goes to Rori and all you wonderful sirens on this blog. You too Tinque,, btw! xxoo

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 11:39am

  217. 217: Simply ShannonNo Gravatar says:

    SLV, Fun, thoughtful types? Eeek. I feel nervous. Have I painted myself in a corner? Will Fun, dumb jocks get my profile? Ahhhhhh. I feel freaked out and nervous. Note: This is my trigger, you just gave voice to one of lingering doubts.

    Yes my profile will be understandable and funny and intriguing to ALL types of men. My only qualifications are in my leading man requirements. All man types may apply.

    Feeling uncomfortable. Gonna sit with it.

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 11:41am

  218. 218: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @208: Jason Miller says:
    135: Senior Lady Vibe

    “I have no idea what you mean by a man using code. Can you fill me in on this? Or maybe you don’t want to… “

    Hi Jason,

    I’m kind of new here, I’ve enjoyed reading your comments. Seeing the words bare like that “using code” does seem suspect; however, I meant just the code to format words (such as yours above) on Rori’s blog.

    I made a typo the other day, and wouldn’t you know, right in the middle of an italics closing bracket. After the post was submitted, a closing correction would not work through the interface…the entire blog was in intalics for hours (seemed like days!)

    Daria stepped up to help and then everything was italicized AND bolded! A little blog formatting drama was had by all and I felt temporarily in the dog house.


    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 11:42am

  219. 219: Jason MillerNo Gravatar says:

    137: Siena says:

    Hmmm, I need to not lead Mover Man on. I wonder how long I should give it before I need to make a final decision? He’s awfully good to me, I just dont feel “ever after” with him.

    I’ve followed some of the other comments you posted on Mover Man and I really don’t believe you are into him at all. I take the position that if the guy you’re seeing doesn’t wow you at all after going out a few times and you’re not feeling strong interest, then move on. It’s very unlikely that a nice guy like that will suddenly appear super attractive to you after going out a few times. I maintain that he’s not as attractive to you as you’d like him to be. He looks good on paper and treats you well, but he’s not lighting your fire.

    I like Evan Marc Katz’s idea of me not needing to do anything but respond if he comes to me, and say yes if it feels good.

    I don’t. This approach absolves you of your own responsibility to be congruent and honest with the men you’re interacting with. If you’re not fully into the guy and he’s ready to commit to you, then there is a disconnect happening that needs to be resolved. If he’s assuming you feel the same way he does and you don’t, then you’re not being honest.

    I don’t mind dating him.

    You sound like you might have better things to do than date him. Is that how you want to feel about the guy you choose to be with over the long haul?

    I like him, and he’s a great guy! It just feels like he could get serious, and I don’t want to hurt him. It’s only been a month… I have plenty of time I guess.

    Not really. If he’s feeling the need to “lock you in,” then you need to be careful. Dating really is about expectation management.

    I want to clue you in on something. When guys are “too nice” and want to commit well before they even get to know you, it indicates neediness on their part. In fact, they don’t even realize they are greatly diminishing their own attractiveness to women by being that way. It shows a lack of confidence and their scarcity mentality when it comes to dating and women. From an energetic standpoint, it kills their masculine energy. Therefore, it also diminishes their attractiveness that way too.

    Let me know what you think.

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 11:42am

  220. 220: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    ok. but now I feel called “petty”. Are my feelings “petty”? are your feelings “petty”? How much “pettiness” is on this blog? Is it just Nikita’s pettiness or is it Brenda’s?

    I feel better when the communication between us feels quieter to me like it does now
    but I also feel determined to express every last thing inside of me that seems pertinent….and I feel a little scared to keep doing it because my doing so could be viewed by all of the people in the internet ethers and you as “petty”. I feel frowny about that. But I feel brave…and resolved by being transparent here with my feelings.

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 11:43am

  221. 221: Jason MillerNo Gravatar says:

    218: Senior Lady Vibe

    Ah, HTML code! Much respect! :-)

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 11:44am

  222. 222: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    oh Simply Shannon the Frog Goddess…all of the frogs….email SS in an effort to play court jester on the SS Show Lmao….. She will be inundated by frogs!!!!(hey,was there a story in the good book where the town was plagued by frogs)

    I apologize SS… I feel too playful at the idea of you being attacked by frogs…. :(

    I hope you forgive me and understand my terrible humor 😉

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 11:49am

  223. 223: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    217: Simply Shannon says:
    “SLV, Fun, thoughtful types? Eeek. I feel nervous. Have I painted myself in a corner? Will Fun, dumb jocks get my profile? ”

    SS, I didn’t mean the profile is limiting. I admired it. I want a fun, thoughtful type guy so I’d like to be able to develop a profile like yours.

    Would a fun, dumb jock get your profile? If he’s sufficiently dumb would he read your profile? Who knows, maybe. But you’ve got a pretty pic here, so a pretty pic on your profile, you could go from there. All bases covered.

    I don’t know your exact trigger but if you don’t want fun thoughtful types, you could misspell a few words… 😀


    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 11:50am

  224. 224: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Slv – wow you are so brave! Amazing job with the eye gaze.

    Sorry to disappoint you, but it would be nice if they could shorten it to 2 seconds for women named Daria. That would make it a lot easier for women named Daria … Yep

    Ps – I feel so triggered… I really see from my perception you holding some low self esteem beliefs about being a senior and previously about your looks.

    This isn’t about being “objective” because that doesn’t exist. This is about the better you think of yourself, the better others do. Oh oh oh does this work, it’s even more amazing then turning the screws on top of men’s heads.

    How about anytime I read you write something like “maybe they didn’t like me” or “maybe senior women are dufferen” -they’re not, they’re gorgeous..
    I am giving those nvs a hug, like a hug where they melt and feel loved, and even though they wanted to protect you, now you’re going to go on feeling better and being bigger and happier so you can have more live to share with them and with the world.

    Ps I memorized that last script of what to say to them from Rori, it works for me well.

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 11:50am

  225. 225: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    The thing about the gaze is, I also get triggered that they’ll think I’m a horny woman, among other things… Am still practicing..
    Actually that is supposed to happen…
    There’s a connection being made, and all my insecurities cine up to try to protect me from the connection.

    This is the one tool I don’t have mastered, but I am practicing…

    Opening my heart before it helps a Lot

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 11:54am

  226. 226: Jason MillerNo Gravatar says:

    156: Renee

    No specific advice. But I do notice that he’s wildly inconsistent about his intentions with you. It occurs to me you might be settling in this situation because you would prefer to know where you stand with him yet you’re still compelled to keep pursuing this relationship.

    Does that resonate at all?

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 11:55am

  227. 227: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Ugh! I feel so angry right now. I need support.

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 11:56am

  228. 228: NikitaNo Gravatar says:


    I disagree. I dated a Libra for a whole month(more) and I never felt him stoking my fires. I dumped him unceremoniously. I rockstarred him later(returned his calls months and months later) and did not NEED anything from him…just wanted to say hi(since I had vanished)he began pursuing me again(i did not get this at first but hindsight is 20/20.right?)…..blah,blah,blah,…I fell on his cock…really I did…and swoon…..sigh….swoon…. I am not currently with him but I attribute that to extenuating circumstances….. my point(and twisted compliment) is that he stoked me into a 4 alarm fire…and they had to call in the national guard to help put out the blaze….really 😉

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 11:57am

  229. 229: Jason MillerNo Gravatar says:

    225: Daria

    What’s wrong with being comfortable with your own sexuality? There’s nothing wrong with being a horny woman. You can still say no to any man that approaches and turns you off.

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 11:58am

  230. 230: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    Hi LG :)

    welcome to pink girly blog support line: this is nikita, how may I direct your call?

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 11:59am

  231. 231: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    I feel so confused. Rori specifically asked that we refrain from judgements and try to express ourselves in feeling messages and don’t wants when feeling triggered.

    Calling people petty is a judgement.

    I don’t want to be judged!!!!!!

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 11:59am

  232. 232: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    I rock the gaze. Daria….. you have been working on that gaze since last year! I remember the posts…..have you tried eft’ing gaze resistance 😉

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 12:01pm

  233. 233: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    ok little Lioness 😉

    I hear you don’t want to be judged.

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 12:03pm

  234. 234: Simply ShannonNo Gravatar says:

    Nikita, Shhhh…. Listen here, please don’t go speaking those things into existence like that. God is listening. 😉

    *Speaking LOUDLY*

    Attention. Attention. I am no longer Frog Goddess OR Donkey Goddess. Those crown jewels are currently available to anyone who wants them. Takers?

    Jason, I know that wasn’t directed at me but… I feel weird and a little defensive. I don’t want assumptions made about what’s in my heart. Hmmm… interesting… what are your reasons for pushing Mover Man off the field? Are you auditioning? 😉 What do you think?

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 12:05pm

  235. 235: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Slv – ohh excellent advice to Meemee! Thank you thank you!

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 12:08pm

  236. 236: NikitaNo Gravatar says:


    oh, yeah…I have to pass I have had more than my fill of frog….thanks for offering though :) but I’m all wrapped up in Princes and Kings…and can I tell you….it is soooooo easy 😉

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 12:11pm

  237. 237: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks Nikita. Humor feels good. I’m starting to release the anger and underneath is a deep sadness.

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 12:11pm

  238. 238: Simply ShannonNo Gravatar says:

    The gaze for me feels difficult when it’s me willing the guy to talk to me. Like I will now use my vulcan eye powers to move your head this way you robot!

    I look at people naturally all the time. I constantly make eye contact. I feel weird NOT looking at someone’s eyes. Now holding for 5 seconds is a stretch. And for me NOT saying hello is a stretch. I feel more comfortable walking up to someone and introducing myself. Waiting feels difficult for me.

    Come on man say hi already!

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 12:11pm

  239. 239: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Meemee – btw, I strongly disagree that allowing a man to kiss you, whom you don’t (yet) feel attracted to is “using” in a bad way. – this actually may eventually spark attraction – it has for me.

    Many people ate triggered by the word using.

    It helps me to believe that it’s Impossible to ” use” anyone in a negative way.

    As long as we are practicing being honest, everyone benefits from being around u’s.

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 12:14pm

  240. 240: Simply ShannonNo Gravatar says:

    SLV – Haha! Misspell a few words? Ack. No. That would feel REALLY uncomfortable. LOL! That is too funny to notice these things. I do want a fun, thoughtful guy too. Thank you for bearing with me in this trigger. I got stuck on the label and it freaked me.

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 12:16pm

  241. 241: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    Well I am just triggerlicious today!!!!

    this is dedicated to Meemee :)

    and Daria….. and….. um….. whoever else :)

    turtle girl?? SS?

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 12:17pm

  242. 242: melodyNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Dating Divas and Goddesses,

    I need help with plentyoffish!!!!

    Can some of you goddesses who are SUPER DATERS help me? :)

    1. Where do I find my “Sent Messages”?

    Example: On okcupid you’ve got your “Inbox” and your “Sent Messages” but I don’t see anything like this on POF and I can’t tell whether the men who have written me are getting my replies.

    2. POF keeps throwing me into a screen where I have to keep keyboarding security code into the system to “make sure I’m not a scammer”, … but when I do that, it never says my message was accepted/sent and gives me yet another security code for the same message. I just went through five codes on one message and finally gave up and came here to ask about it.

    Now that I’ve gone back *again* and looked, I can’t find anywhere on my homepage where the system shows that I ever sent any messages at all.

    POF is really active!! Even for a goddess in her 50’s!!! (hint, hint goddesses) :) and there are some guys I’d really like to talk to if not go out with. Will some of you gorgeous, beautiful, experienced in on-line dating Sirens help me out, please? :)

    I have to leave my house now and have a class I’m taking tonight so won’t be home until about 10:00 if you reply to this and I don’t answer!

    Thank you!!

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 12:18pm

  243. 243: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    Bill Withers – Use Me UP

    My friends feel it’s their appointed duty
    They keep trying to tell me all you want to do is use me
    But my answer yeah to all that use me stuff
    Is I wanna spread the news that if it feels this good getting used
    Oh you just keep on using me until you use me up
    Until you use me up

    My brother sit me right down and he talked to me
    He told me that I ought not to let you just walk on me
    And I’m sure he meant well yeah but when our talk was through
    I said brother if you only knew you’d wish that you were in my shoes
    You just keep on using me until you use me up
    Until you use me up

    Oh sometimes yeah it’s true you really do abuse me
    You get in a crowd of high class people and then you act real rude to me
    But oh baby baby baby baby when you love me I can’t get enough
    I and I wanna spread the news that if it feels this good getting used
    Oh you just keep on using me until you use me up
    Until you use me up

    Talking about you using me but it all depends on what you do
    It ain’t too bad the way you’re using me
    Cause I sure am using you to do the things you do
    Ah ha to do the things you do

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 12:19pm

  244. 244: MeemeeNo Gravatar says:

    Brenda, I think the feeling that I was ‘using’ this ‘chocolate guy’ comes from some of my inner conflicts.
    Under normal circumstances if I guy gets me chocolates for some proffessional help I offered and texts me in the morning saying he is dropping in to give me chocolates I would dfinitely say no to it. I would have said “It is part of my job. No need for chocolates”. But today I did accept it.
    Under nornal circumstances,if a man who is not my friend comes to my room three times a day and initiates a conversation, I would start feeling uneasy and would definitely not sit and talk for more than once or twice.
    Under normal circumstances if a man (after spending a solid one hour sitting in my room and talking) asks me if I can wait for him so that he can join me, I don’t think I would have done it.

    I might be unnecessarily dissecting my feelings.


    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 12:21pm

  245. 245: NikitaNo Gravatar says:


    My sweetums….said many moons ago….he loves “us”
    because we have FUN (he said this while he was laughing so hard he almost had tears-we “get” our humor)

    So…reframe: Fun+Men=Good

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 12:22pm

  246. 246: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    I feel deep sadness reading generalized statements about people being petty on this blog. I feel impatient. I curious about why someone stays here is they think we are petty. I feel furious being threatened that someone is going to leave if I don’t change to suit their needs.

    I feel sad.

    I don’t want someone to say the words “I love and accept you” when the rest of their words indicate otherwise. If you love and accept me, then don’t call me petty! That doesn’t feel like acceptance. It feels horrible!

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 12:27pm

  247. 247: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks Jason! It feels reassuring hearing it from
    a man.

    I will keep babystepping.

    Nikita – I have, actually once w Erika too,

    And it got convoluted to my fear of dogs, etc…
    I’m also terrified of eye gazing with women.

    It triggers me to being judged when I moved to the US in elementary school.

    But I Am doing better. I have Bern making progress with old men.

    Opening my heart helps me feel safer.

    I can make all people stare at me from just moving around and stuff, so that part is covered, now to eye gaze them past that little 3 second ‘connection catch ‘ that feels like mucho energy moving.

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 12:30pm

  248. 248: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Meemee – you’re doing great. Keep accepting men’s attentions, don’t let the insecurities and unworthy feelings stop you. They ate just coming up to be healed and loved.

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 12:31pm

  249. 249: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    I feel deep sadness about being judged and told what to do.

    Thanks for holding space for me to work thru this.

    I feel sadness for people that judge. If they are judging me, then they are probably judging themselves as well. I feel sad about that. I imagine their nasty voices are pretty strong towards themselves as well.

    I don’t want people to listen to their nasty voices and I also don’t want their nasty voice to turn on me. That feels really bad.

    I do feel good about processing this is the way Rori suggested. That feels good. I feel forward movement. That feels nice.

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 12:31pm

  250. 250: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Yay lg!

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 12:35pm

  251. 251: NikitaNo Gravatar says:


    wow, there’s an acting exercise where we have to stare into the eyes of our partner for like …eternity!

    maybe 5minutes? but a LOOOOOOONG time….and as you do it it get comfortable and it feels like we are talking without words…really! could you practice with one of your bff”s? or mom? or a really good guy friend?
    or maybe if you have skype…a friend or cousin in romania?
    can you stare into your pupils in the mirror?

    wow..I feel soooo intrigued and curious about your trigger here…. wow…..

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 12:36pm

  252. 252: SienaNo Gravatar says:

    hmmm, I feel defensive.

    I feel misunderstood. I have been extremely honest with him, at every turn. He has not asked me yet for exclusivity, but I feel it’s coming.

    I feel bad, like I am being made wrong for genuinely trying to do the right thing by this guy.

    I come to this blog to work out my feelings and find the expression of my deepest feelings. My deepest feelings include ones that are selfish. I don’t want to hide the selfishness here. I want to express it until it finds it’s place, and doesn’t feel the need to be expressed in a hurtful way.

    I work out my deepest feelings here so that when I DO communicate with someone like Mover Man, I am able to do so genuinely and without confusion.

    Nikita, I sense your anger at me. I don’t know what I said to trigger it, but I welcome the discussion of helping you get thru that trigger.

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 12:36pm

  253. 253: MeemeeNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks for the dedicaton!!
    I feel honored!

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 12:37pm

  254. 254: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    wow Daria… and your gravatar is soooooo the GAZE!!!

    I am flabbergasted- officially feeling Flabbergasted

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 12:38pm

  255. 255: Turtle GirlNo Gravatar says:

    Yes—-gazing!!! That sounds like something I read about that Micheal Brown talks about in his Portal stuff.

    It is really fascinating to sit with another and just look deep into their eyes for as long as you can. Some weird stuff comes up and its very interesting!

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 12:42pm

  256. 256: NikitaNo Gravatar says:


    I don’t feel anger towards you. I feel confused. really! I am wanting to know if I am pushing you to do something(mover man) you DO NOT want to do….I Don’t want to push you AT ALL. I would feel bad doing that. OR if you just want a little help feelin ok with experimenting with CD’ing and curious about other experiences of women who like Rori’s stuff (I got her book in 2007) -that’s me!! I love encouraging women to let themselves be surprised at how attractive a man can become after opening up to him.
    BUT – I want to hold every woman’s intuition as sacred and the most important…. (even tho sometimes women have been trained not to hear their intuition) voice….if that is the voice….. but not nasty voices…those need duct tape coverings :)

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 12:45pm

  257. 257: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i did the 20 min gaze at that hrystian authentic man seminar.

    im great at gazing one on one w a date.

    its the strangers in public that i am practicing on that brings up insecurities.

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 12:45pm

  258. 258: MeemeeNo Gravatar says:

    Your reply made me smile :) :). Especially the final part of it. But unfortunately I have already made myself a ‘real estate agent’ (unpaid) for 3/4 of my friends and 1/2 of my collegues. LOL :)
    And, no, I never thought may be this guy likes me.

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 12:46pm

  259. 259: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Siena – i think this worry about “i feel its coming” … is overfunctioning…

    its worrying about him, and guessing at the future, and ITS JUST NOT TRUE

    you don’t have to do anything any future planning or preventing or worrying about his feelings… all there is to do is lay in the boat and share feelings

    in order to get to be able to have that forever relationship, we have to get comfortable receiving attentions from men, and RECEIVING without worrying about hurting htem etc..

    thats why we’re CDing… because we need it, because a woman who is able to receive attention from all men that feels good

    is the one that attracts forever men

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 12:49pm

  260. 260: jacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    Hello, everyone! Just a shoutout – Jason’s interview where he answers questions about his thoughts and women! will be on my blog tomorrow; he was the subject of my Friday post about why he decided to coach women. Also, if you ask questions in the comments he’ll answer them – as far as I know, smile. I love how he said, don’t tell you’re dating as it is diametrically in opposition to other advise. I’m still holding the space for all advice to be good for some of us – for us to get to a take what you want and leave the rest.

    Siena, I really enjoyed reading what you had to say on this thread.

    I have found a “new” way to be here! I only read the words of people I admire or have an investment in their stories – Hi, Renee! I’m so rooting for you!!

    I feel excited that that coupled with the walk away coupled with firmer boundaries will help me grow – both in compassion and in self love. Very cool.

    Take care, all….

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 12:49pm

  261. 261: Simply ShannonNo Gravatar says:

    LG, I’m going to tweak some of your words. Just working through something. I’m still hearing judgments when I read your words. Note that is MY projection. Not wanting to trigger you. Just jumping off your post because I have the same thoughts/feelings and can hear judgment in my thoughts as I read your words. Ok, enough splainin’.

    I feel bad. Why do I include myself in general statements? I feel furious. I don’t want to feel threatened. Do I feel petty? No I don’t. Why do I feel threatened when someone suggests they’ll leave? Why do I accept the word petty as a label for myself?

    I feel sad. I don’t want to hear the words “I love and accept you” and then follow it up with words that feel yucky. If I feel loved and accepted me, I won’t feel judged. I’ll feel safe.

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 12:50pm

  262. 262: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    SS: I feel weird reading that. I feel confused about why you are rewriting my words eater than processing your own triggers about my words. I feel confused and not good.

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 12:56pm

  263. 263: SienaNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks Nikita. You might feel confused because I’m a Pisces. Hehe, we’re dual-natured.

    Daria, you’re totally right. I shall stop thinking about it right now. What you say about receiving is SO my lesson right now. Thank you!

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 12:56pm

  264. 264: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Meant to say rather not eater

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 12:57pm

  265. 265: jacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    And I want to apologize to any of the women hear if I trigger/triggered their internal negative voices. I feel great compassion for those with that issue. I wanted to say I’ve started learning a lot about how negative voices people have inside their heads really mess them up. I wish I had a solution to negative voice talk for women! Are there methods that work for stopping them, etc. I”d love to hear from anyone who has found a way that works to address this, especially more Rori advice on it.

    I thought I was in an external conversation and that was my intention in being here, but so many people have these neg. voices, I was not factoring that into my side of the conversations.

    Thanks for helping me grow with this new awareness!


    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 1:03pm

  266. 266: MeemeeNo Gravatar says:

    Any virgos here? Just curious to know :)

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 1:05pm

  267. 267: NikitaNo Gravatar says:


    omg (pisces) say no more my absolute best girl is pisces…and my cat was a pisces :)

    so ok…great… I feel very happy as I know believe you trust I am not feeling angry with you but supportive.

    I just can’t see the fish clearly when the swim away into deeper waters in two directions 😉
    I trust you to work it out when you feel it all out;)

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 1:05pm

  268. 268: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i feel judgemental, cold and removed and sneering when i read “this blog is petty”

    i feel secretly smiling, i recognize these words from someone else

    im building a story of someone parroting other people’s words etc…

    i also feel powerful and removed. i am quite convinced i am not petty.

    petty is not something my nasty voices say to me,

    i mean i can be particular and qualify stuff a lot and etc,

    but its not the word petty

    petty doesn’t apply to me?


    ok maybe if i take the mirror,

    i love the petty labeled parts of me, even though i don’t call you that…

    ok… now i feel confused.

    i know i have this voicethat says… hmm imnot petty, neither is this blog. this person is trippin

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 1:06pm

  269. 269: SienaNo Gravatar says:

    I just got off the phone with a friend and LOA coach. She’s a mastermind partner, and she told me something that feels really good to hear, bc it’s so true!

    She said that nothing sticks to me because I don’t feel worthy to receive it. I’m working on the “feeling worthy” part.

    I am a Queen! Everything I desire comes to me and sticks!

    I can bring in lots of money, friends, men… You name it, and I can get it! Ive been known to attract tens of thousands of dollars in a matter of days, and even recieved a Mercedes (fully paid) for free. But up until today, I’ve had difficulty having things stick. It’s felt extremely frustrating!

    No more :)

    I am a Queen! Everything I desire comes to me and sticks!

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 1:06pm

  270. 270: Jason MillerNo Gravatar says:

    234: Simply Shannon says:

    Jason, I know that wasn’t directed at me but… I feel weird and a little defensive. I don’t want assumptions made about what’s in my heart. Hmmm… interesting… what are your reasons for pushing Mover Man off the field? Are you auditioning? What do you think?

    Well, I was challenging Siena since I was getting the strong impression she wasn’t really into him for the reasons I stated. She can correct me if I went off track, of course. I don’t pretend to know everything that’s going through her heart and mind or his.

    I assert that if after a reasonable amount of time you’re not turned on by the guy enough to give him a shot at the long term, but he’s trying to lock onto you, then you have to back off. It’s not a sustainable situation. And the reverse is true too. I would give the same advice to a guy who’s not really into a particular woman.

    You have to be honest with yourself about what you want from the opposite sex when dating and forming relationships. If attraction is weak at the beginning, it’s pretty rare that it will increase over time. You have to make the judgement call as to how much time you’re willing to invest to see if it gets better while taking the other person’s feelings into account.

    228: Nikita

    I disagree. I dated a Libra for a whole month(more) and I never felt him stoking my fires. I dumped him unceremoniously. I rockstarred him later(returned his calls months and months later) and did not NEED anything from him…just wanted to say hi(since I had vanished)he began pursuing me again(i did not get this at first but hindsight is 20/20.right?)…..blah,blah,blah,…I fell on his cock…really I did…and swoon…..sigh….swoon…. I am not currently with him but I attribute that to extenuating circumstances….. my point(and twisted compliment) is that he stoked me into a 4 alarm fire…and they had to call in the national guard to help put out the blaze….really

    Actually, you’re supporting my assertion. You let him go because he wasn’t attractive enough. You checked in with him much later and he came back with the right stuff at the right time. Siena could try something similar to snap this guy into a more assertive mood.

    When I guy knows he has a second chance with a woman he’s into, he’s naturally going to feel more confident (and attractive to the woman) because you’ve told him in no uncertain terms that you’re still interested even if it didn’t work the first go round. You’re telling him it’s back on so he’s got a clear green light to go masculine energy on you. And then you get the potential fireworks.

    My perspective, anyway.

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 1:06pm

  271. 271: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    I have Mercury in Virgo :)

    does that count?

    I used to date lots and lots of virgos too :)
    they were my chocolates!!!!

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 1:07pm

  272. 272: lmNo Gravatar says:

    Siena 269:

    that’s f’ing awesome. i feel like i was meant to read that today!

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 1:09pm

  273. 273: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    wow i feel so judgemental of Jaqueline’s posts!

    almost every other post we do here about how we work with and manage our negative voices

    i feel like, unseen, and furious

    i do NOT like feeling unseen


    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 1:10pm

  274. 274: RoseNo Gravatar says:

    I feel happy and hopeful..happy I am taking good care of my health and on the road to lessen horrible pms..

    The past week I started the evening primrose and started taking my other supplements.
    I am being more vigilant about my diet…

    Ahh this is all easy to say now as the time of the month has yet to come…hopefully next month will be better..

    Another thank you for all the helpful advice ladies..xoxo

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 1:11pm

  275. 275: Jason MillerNo Gravatar says:

    269: Siena

    Ah, see? You’re worthy of a guy who really turns you on!

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 1:11pm

  276. 276: SienaNo Gravatar says:

    Jason, Mover man is very assertive. Grade A 100% alpha male. I’m physically attracted to him, but I dont feel that my heart is taken care of enough with him.

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 1:13pm

  277. 277: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Jason – what you’re writing goes against Rori’s teaching in that, she teaches that attraction actually happens as we Open Up, and it can happen with practically any man…

    so it’s not true that it won’t happen if it’s weak at the beginning

    i actually experienced this recently with one of my cd’s that i was not attracted to at the beginning, and then i Did get turned on, by opening up

    I’ve also attended an Authentic Man seminar, where by eye gazing and touching my arm and being present, EVERY SINGLE MAN IN THE ROOM WAS ABLE TO TURN ME ON…

    i suddenly saw him differently!

    and i was totally not attracted to them at first

    ps – also, the guy can back off on his own if he wants to, it’s a take over of the masculine role for a woman to push him away

    a woman in a feminine role who is not feeling good with a man will just naturally step back

    I think something missing here is that there can be DISCUSSION around this and sharing with a man…

    ie.. im feeling scared, i feel insecure, im not feeling attracted sexually at this point, i’m feeling a little closed off from you, i feel uncomfortable, etc.

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 1:15pm

  278. 278: SienaNo Gravatar says:

    Jason, you’re totally right. One who totally flips my switch and “guards and protects my heart.” (Lol bachelorette anyone?)

    Lm – yay!!!

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 1:16pm

  279. 279: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    Statistically evaluate the historic data by using a confidence interval approach in which predicted results are estimated based on the mean 95% confidence intervals for each analyte. From this statistical analysis the time point at which positive control would exceed the control range would be used to set the upper limit of the re-evaluation date.

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 1:18pm

  280. 280: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    SS: Are you open to some feedback?

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 1:19pm

  281. 281: jacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    I SEE you Daria. I did not realize negative voices were inside people’s heads. I thought it was external. I am learning. I wish I had a solution. Triggers are things that make people’s internal conversation inside their heads go off, yes? I thought they were things that made us angry, etc. And then we wrote to that person about how we were angry – which is what I’m reading you doing.
    Like telling me you’re angry. So are you telling me you’re angry or are you speaking about what you are hearing inside your head and that makes you express anger?

    I never got this distinction. And I feel resentful if words are put into my writings like petty – just work with what I say if you are working with me, okay?

    I’m open to learning then.


    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 1:19pm

  282. 282: jacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    Hi, Brenda – ummm is that in English, code or mathmatics??? Sounds great whatever it is!


    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 1:21pm

  283. 283: Simply ShannonNo Gravatar says:

    LG, I resonated with your words. They felt like my own thoughts so I jumped off rather than starting from scratch. And my own thoughts felt the blame I was placing on the person.

    I dunno. I feel really weird. We’re practicing feeling messages but it feels disconnected from the person who said the words. Saying “anyone” and “someone” and “another non-specific label insert here”.

    Ohhhh… okay wait… I am interested in creating a connection and understanding the other person. I don’t want to crawl up inside my head forever. This is not a conversation with a robot. I can actually talk to the other person without blaming them.

    Hey Brenda. I feel yucky reading the label petty. Do you think I’m petty? I don’t think I am but maybe something I said sounded that way. I’d like to understand what you mean. Your perspective. What do you think?

    Not sure I’m in love with that voice either.

    Ugh. I feel annoyed with myself and bored. Kinda mad actually.

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 1:22pm

  284. 284: SienaNo Gravatar says:

    Bren, you switched to boy energy. I hope you switch back and stay in your girl… She’s lovely and perfect just the way she is!

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 1:23pm

  285. 285: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Jaqueline –

    yes, EVERYTHING that triggers us to feeling angry, sad etc… is about Voices in our heads taht get triggered, patterns from the past that we may not even know where they come from

    it’s not about that other person at All! though we can use the interaction here and now to heal those voices of ourselves, embrace them and love them and ask them to support us in a different way

    actually Speaking to the voices works

    giving them a body, and visiting them, offering them love and telling them we’re in charge and will they help us works (Rori Stranger exercise)

    sometimes telling them to shuttup works – i like So What!

    ps the petty was something Brenda said earlier about the blog, it didn’t have anything to do with you, unless i misunderstand what you wrote…

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 1:23pm

  286. 286: NikitaNo Gravatar says:


    I sorta get where you’re going with that but I still disagree :)

    I was biased and never gave him a chance. When I contacted him it was NOT on…(is that how all men think? absolutes feel a little weird here)…it was in regards to a “mutual friend” (for lack of a better term)
    He did not DO anything. I DECIDED I wanted to sleep with him. That’s it. He was in the right place :)
    I DECIDED to open up. I DECIDED to give him a chance to show me what he’s got…. and he showed me alright 😉

    I actually turned down a few of his invites (i thought we were just friends) and he got annoyed… then I realized he had totally forgiven me for blowing him off…..if anything…. It was HIS FORGIVENESS and lack of grudge holding that made me feel safe enough to “just sleep with him”. all together, I knew him about a year but big gap in contact….in between dating- and not dating…and dating again….

    I feel like I get what you are illustrating…that maybe his vibe changed and he became “better”.

    But, I see it as my vibe changed and I became more accepting…
    this is fun!… thinking about the mindblowing sex I had with my Libra Lover 😉

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 1:24pm

  287. 287: Jason MillerNo Gravatar says:

    278: Siena

    OK, so masculinity is not the issue. It’s your feeling that he should have your best interests at heart. You don’t feel safe opening up to him because it feels risky? This leads to another fundamental point…

    I look at attraction as the masculinity/femininity polarity. But moving forward in the courtship process depends on your sense of safety as a woman. And if he’s not taking care of that from the beginning, it’s hard to open up.

    Let me know if I’m on track.

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 1:24pm

  288. 288: Simply ShannonNo Gravatar says:

    YES Laughing Goddess! I was posting when you wrote that. Hope you see this first before responding.

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 1:25pm

  289. 289: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    #277 Daria,

    word. :) I concur!!!

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 1:27pm

  290. 290: NikitaNo Gravatar says:


    O.K. computer.

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 1:29pm

  291. 291: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Brenda: I feel curious about something. How do you feel about Rori’s post to you in the last thread…the one where she talks about getting into your feelings?

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 1:30pm

  292. 292: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    umm… hello statistics

    at a 95% confidence interval, there is a 95% PROBABILITY that the confidence intervals created using the sample mean “x-bar” and the known standard deviation for the procedure “omega” will contain the true mean “miu”

    this can easily get confused by students who can forget that it is a probability

    hmm gonna review

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 1:30pm

  293. 293: SienaNo Gravatar says:

    Jason, almost. Yes, I don’t feel 100% safe with entrusting my heart to him. But I have been very open with him. But not because of him or us, but because of me and what I’ve learned here.

    So while I’ve been very open, I long to be opened up even more (wow! That sounds really erotic!)

    So I need a man who can help me with that – even while I’m working on it myself.

    What do you think?

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 1:32pm

  294. 294: jacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    Daria – I didn’t understand that. I’m going to be listening differently then. I get angry etc. but I don’t talk to myself in my head – I write it out, think it out something like that. I find myself either feeling or thinking. But not anything like “voices” to talk to in my head. That feels really scary to me. Thank you for helping!


    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 1:34pm

  295. 295: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Siena – (hey its me Daria-with a jason mask on)

    it think a huge shift may be created by sharing with the man how you feel

    hey… i feel a little unsafe entrusting my heart… and i feel confused about why… and i don’t want to feel this way… what do you think?

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 1:35pm

  296. 296: jacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    ps I read about “sub” personalities once and how to talk to them – even that was scary to me. I feel like I’m all one person with one voice, and that feels good. What Jason would describe as congruent.

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 1:37pm

  297. 297: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Jaqueline – many people don’t notice that they are voices, until they start listening for them as such. originally I didn’t “hear” them either, as in I wasn’t aware of them as voices

    allowing myself to hear them as voices helps me process

    i feel scared and misunderstood hearing that you don’t have them and they sound scary to you

    i feel pushed away and made different

    and i feel afraid to volunteer my help

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 1:38pm

  298. 298: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    aaah i feel afraid and pushed upon! whoa , what’s going on with me

    i feel tightened up

    i feel unsafe

    i feel like running away now

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 1:39pm

  299. 299: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:


    This is something Daria just wrote…

    “yes, EVERYTHING that triggers us to feeling angry, sad etc… is about Voices in our heads taht get triggered, patterns from the past that we may not even know where they come from

    it’s not about that other person at All! though we can use the interaction here and now to heal those voices of ourselves, embrace them and love them and ask them to support us in a different way”

    for me, the reason I didn’t address Brenda directly is because she wasn’t talking to me but what she said triggered something within me and voices from the past and that’s what I was working through. I didn’t want to make it about her. It’s not really about her. It’s about me not wanting to be judged, not wanting to be controlled. Not wanting to be called names.

    I was experimenting with a new way of expressing myself when I feel triggered. I appreciate your feedback that my words still felt judgmental. I really appreciate that because I want to learn to communicate in a non-judgemental way.

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 1:39pm

  300. 300: Jason MillerNo Gravatar says:

    277: Daria
    286: Nikita

    I see your point, definitely. I was running under the assumption that you were giving him a chance from the beginning. I was assuming you were opening and connecting with him genuinely from the outset.

    Attraction can’t happen without connection, I certainly agree. But if there is a real connection and attraction’s not happening, then it’s rare that it will increase over time.

    Daria’s (and Rori’s) point is well taken. (I argue this works for men too more than we’ll admit. It means looks don’t matter as much to us as everyone assumes!) Connection opens the possibility for attraction. The eye contact experiment is proof of that. All the eye contact thing is is a request to connect. Then it’s just a question of whether or not it leads to attraction or not.

    Are we in sync now?

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 1:40pm

  301. 301: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Jaqueline – i feel unheard. sorry if you feel triggered by the idea of voices and sub-personalities. it can definitely feel triggering if you think of it in a “psycho” way, but that’s not how it works, it’s much more subtle than that and pretty much universal

    thoughts for example are “voices” … anything you say, write, etc are all voices…

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 1:41pm

  302. 302: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Jason – now that you’ve submitted to our will, we are in synch… kapshaw… lol

    sorry just being a trigger buddy here

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 1:42pm

  303. 303: SienaNo Gravatar says:

    Daria #295. Okay I will. We’ll see what shakes out!

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 1:43pm

  304. 304: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    now my old cd is sending me texts

    Je t’aime Daria

    (i guess he doesn’t want his game back right now? hehehe)

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 1:43pm

  305. 305: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    SS: the feedback that I have…and please take it with a grain of salt. If it doesn’t resonate for you, I feel okay with it. It’s just my perception that I would like to share and maybe it will be helpful, maybe not.

    But when you wrote that post about tweaking my words, the image that came to mind what of a man struggling to do something and you jumping in and saying “here, I can do this better”.

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 1:45pm

  306. 306: jacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    Daria I am hearing you – I said I was – is this an example of how I’m not understanding you clearly and thus you feel unheard?

    And I’ve heard from some people who actually have voices – well maybe just really negative thoughts? But they call them voices.

    Anyway, I’ve got to go do some chore stuff so if I don’t answer that’s why.

    I have a question tho and I’ll check back later – so would all negativity — say, “I’m fat” be a “voice” and thus a trigger. Even if it were merely a comment on I’ve gained 3 pounds and then not followed up on? I get the feeling it’s the following up part that makes it a negative voice?

    And how do feeling messages work to create safety? I get how they work in communication and not “blaming,” but now I’m interested in how they create safety. Or in general, how do we create safety for ourselves and for others?

    And I don’t think non judgement is the answer – well, actually I do, but the human mind judges as a way of being. Compassion is as close as I can come?

    So, will read more later.


    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 1:49pm

  307. 307: SienaNo Gravatar says:

    Sirens, question: how do YOU increase your own self worth. What do you do to increase your value in your own eyes?

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 1:50pm

  308. 308: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    I don’t need to statistics to tell me that if I make judgements about people, they aren’t going to respond well.

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 1:50pm

  309. 309: Jason MillerNo Gravatar says:

    293: Siena says:

    Jason, almost. Yes, I don’t feel 100% safe with entrusting my heart to him. But I have been very open with him. But not because of him or us, but because of me and what I’ve learned here.

    Oh, I see. So this is a completely different picture for me than what we started talking about.

    So while I’ve been very open, I long to be opened up even more (wow! That sounds really erotic!)

    So I need a man who can help me with that – even while I’m working on it myself.

    What do you think?

    I agree with Daria. Good job of putting yourself in my shoes, Daria! :-)

    Siena, I think you need to get clear on what’s holding you back and what you’re afraid of and consider letting him know what that is. I say that because earlier you were pretty certain he was not long term material given the status quo. I’m wondering if that has more to do with what you’re afraid of more than anything else. He might be able to take care of that fear in you if he knows what it is.

    Again, correct me if I’m off track.

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 1:53pm

  310. 310: Jason MillerNo Gravatar says:

    302: Daria says:

    Jason – now that you’ve submitted to our will, we are in synch… kapshaw… lol

    sorry just being a trigger buddy here

    LOL. Trigger buddy. It’s safe to try to trigger me. I’m not always right. :-)

    I’m not afraid to agree with you all nor correct my presumptions where necessary. But I do stand on the fundamentals I’ve learned, coached and practiced myself.

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 1:59pm

  311. 311: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    SS: you said…

    “Hey Brenda. I feel yucky reading the label petty. Do you think I’m petty? I don’t think I am but maybe something I said sounded that way. I’d like to understand what you mean. Your perspective. What do you think?”

    hmmm, This feels interesting but doesn’t really resonate. I don’t really want to hear the reasons why someone thinks I’m petty. I feel fear that will just lead down a path of a lot of explaining. I would prefer to hear someone’s feelings. That feels scary to open the door to getting explained to death. It doesn’t feel like the connection I am looking for.

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 2:01pm

  312. 312: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Jaqueline – “I have a question tho and I’ll check back later – so would all negativity — say, “I’m fat” be a “voice” and thus a trigger. Even if it were merely a comment on I’ve gained 3 pounds and then not followed up on? I get the feeling it’s the following up part that makes it a negative voice? ”

    yes, “i’m fat” is a nasty voice. ANY thought is a voice. Nasty voices, are usually what we are experienceing (hearing if we listen to them as voices) when we feel upset… they are usually stuff from our parents in childhood, or other places …

    “ex: don’t get fat” or something like that. Sometimes they even Sound like our parents!

    And how do feeling messages work to create safety? I get how they work in communication and not “blaming,” but now I’m interested in how they create safety. Or in general, how do we create safety for ourselves and for others?

    And I don’t think non judgement is the answer – well, actually I do, but the human mind judges as a way of being. Compassion is as close as I can come?

    — yes safety is created by not expressing judgement, and instead speaking from a place of compassion… the human mind does judge, as a habit and as a useful survival mechanism, however it can go offtrack with judgements created from past emotional patterns (like when our moms told us dont get fat, it will then start making judgements about who’s fat, etc etc)

    so we can notice a judgement, but let it go, almost like meditation,

    and instead share FEELINGS, which are a true expression of experience and don’t judge

    when someone notices they are not being judged (and the other person letting their judgements go counts as not judging)

    then they will feel safe.

    if they notice another person sharing their feelings, and being comfortable doing so,

    they also start feeling comfortable to notice and maybe express their OWN feelings

    this feels wonderfully safe

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 2:01pm

  313. 313: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Jason is cool!

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 2:03pm

  314. 314: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Nikita, LG, Daria, Shannon, and all you LURKERS! :-)

    Here’s my take on it:

    You felt controlled by my “boy voice”.
    I felt controlled by being told how to construct my sentences.

    We all felt angry.

    I am working on feeling messages, and I have a lot of material here to work on. I am primarily interested in what Rori says, and I feel very pleased with my progress on feeling messages.

    I am working on feeling messages in baby steps, and there is a Brenda here who has partial boy energy, as we all do. I like my boy energy, and I use it when I see fit. I don’t like feeling jumped on every time I decide to flex my boy energy.

    I ask for help sometimes in constructing feeling messages, and I try to give help sometimes in constructing feeling messages. I get it that feeling messages are what we are about. But to absolutely FORCE me and INSIST that every utterance out of my mouth/keyboard is in feeling message format feels controlling to me.

    When I feel controlled, I feel angry. That doesn’t make my statement untrue that I love and care for each of you. Some of my favorite people ever are my Dad and Kenny, and both of them are very controlling. I still love them. I separate who someone is from what they do. That’s how my love can be a true feeling and statement at the same time as feeling angry.

    I want to work on feeling messages at MY pace, and that pace is baby steps…

    What do you think/feel?

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 2:04pm

  315. 315: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Siena – i tell myself I AM worthy worthy worthy. I picture myself as a colorful gift.

    I picture myself as a spirit Goddess, and having an altar on earth where men leave me gifts and worship to me

    I repeat the name of a Goddess to myself and allow myself to feel I AM her
    — Freya, and Oshun – feel great.
    This is one of the most poweful and frequent exercises i do.

    I do the Stranger exercise – this helps dramatically and instantly when i do it

    I write love letters to myself.

    I express stuff im ashamed of about myself.

    I make lists of why im great.

    i picture that everyone is here TO MAKE ME HAPPY!!

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 2:07pm

  316. 316: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Brenda – i feel angry! and i feel happy!

    and i feel GLAD that we HAVE to use feeling messages here, Rori’s decree

    it doesn’t feel safe to hear boy voices from women, unless they somehow are familiar to me from past experiences

    i felt challenged to use feeling messages all the time here too.

    Something i used to do then, that Rori taught us to do,

    is to write out a post just like Regular,

    and then change everything to feeling messages and don’t wants

    and Then post it

    this was really helpful to me

    it also really helps me in real life that i have a place where i am naturally encouraged and constrained to using feeling messages and being in feminine

    then my boy voice has to go work on other stuff that is beneficial to me

    like encouraging me to work out!

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 2:10pm

  317. 317: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    And I guess, when I have seen repeated circumstances of someone not being willing to express their feeling or take personal responsibilty for their triggers, I kind of give up on trying to have a connection with them. That feels sad to me. I don’t want to give up on people. But I also want to feel good and I feel good when I am connecting with people I resonate with…people with whom there is sort of an agreed upon method for communicating. I feel understanding that we won’t always do it right…but at least we agree to make the effort.

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 2:11pm

  318. 318: Jason MillerNo Gravatar says:

    313: Daria

    Thanks, Daria! :-)

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 2:12pm

  319. 319: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    RE: #307 – You said, “Sirens, question: how do YOU increase your own self worth. What do you do to increase your value in your own eyes?”

    I wrestle with this question, too, and there are many ways. One way I have found is to elevate my thoughts, and my beliefs, and the rest follows. Here is an example:

    I was peacefully, nonviolently in a demonstration for a good cause in the 80s. I was locked up and spent about 4 hours in prison. I went through the mug shot deal and being processed in, and I was given a gigantic fluorescent jump suit to wear.

    The crotch hung down to my knees, and for a moment, I felt ugly, even tho at the time I was slender and feeling good about my appearance. As I walked across the concrete floor, I envisioned myself in a flowing wedding gown! Instantly I felt a lift in my chin and I felt like I was floating.

    It was a lifechanging moment, when I realized my circumstances did not dictate my identity. I had committed no crime. In fact, when my mug shot was being taken, a police officer tipped his hat to me, related to something I had said to him in the police car on the way over about my group’s activism.

    I realized my identity came from the inside, and I could choose it…no one else. So when I am feeling down, I do my best to elevate my thoughts. I picture myself as a princess in a beautiful castle, or a mermaid gliding through a blue ocean on a sunny day. My feelings follow my thoughts.

    Along the same vein, I find it valuable to read authors and their autobiographies when they are people I admire and want to emulate. Then my thoughts fall into their thoughts, and are thus elevated.

    I hope that helps!

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 2:18pm

  320. 320: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    I don’t want to be forced to do anything. If Rori has an issue with me, let her address it, or Tinque. You have not been appointed as the guardians of Rori’s blog. I am not willing to be controlled. Nor am I willing to pet your peeves.

    There is a time and place for everything. I have gone in circles with you about being me, and I have gotten nowhere. So when you tell me you feel controlled for saying “Relax”, then I say “Mirror!” Because to try to duct tape my mouth and reformat every word that comes out of my mouth is controlling.

    If me saying I don’t like it just gets more petty peeve pouting, then I’ll just say what I mean and mean what I say:


    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 2:26pm

  321. 321: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Brenda: I feel confused this statement

    “But to absolutely FORCE me and INSIST that every utterance out of my mouth/keyboard is in feeling message format feels controlling to me.”

    I don’t see anyone forcing you to do anything. I see people REACTING to your boy voice and judgements.

    Rori says that men react to boy voice and judgements by not being attracted to us.

    No one is forcing anyone to do anything. We are here practicing feminine voices so that we can have the relationship that we want with men…or at least that is my understanding.

    I hope you feel free to use whatever voice you want…but is it really getting you the results you want?

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 2:27pm

  322. 322: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    224: Daria says:
    “Sorry to disappoint you, but it would be nice if they could shorten it to 2 seconds for women named Daria. That would make it a lot easier for women named Daria … Yep”

    Me disappointed? No, I had fun today. Daria, the way I see it, if 2 second works, OK, if not try something else. Not all tools work the same way for everyone I think.

    I’m out scouting, experimenting and learning. I could try 2 seconds, look away, 2 seconds–I think I like that one. I could experiment with that where the guy is not moving around. Ha!

    Self esteem and beliefs about being a senior are two things that meet but are not the same thing.

    I am not in the same pool as the 35 year olds; to pretend that I am is less helpful to me than getting a good handle on what I want, what my options are, what strategies I can develop. What’s out there? How large is the pool of appropriate prospects? (heehee, i just typed “suspects.” ) What style Spanx are the best for me. That sort of thing. I’m still in early learning about what works for me as an individual.

    I’m not big on “positive thinking” alone to get the job done. Fake it, till you make it works in some situations, not in all. I do it sometimes as in “work your show, girl.” Yeah, I know I’m cool but not everyone does nor ever will no matter what I do.

    “How about anytime I read you write something like “maybe they didn’t like me” or “maybe senior women are dufferen” -they’re not, they’re gorgeous.”

    That’s so kind of you to say.

    It depends upon how one defines gorgeous. Everyone is “gorgeous.” Or some are “gorgeous” and some are “gorgous frogs.” Most of my concerns aren’t about “gorgeousness” but looking good is always a plus.

    Talk to your senior women friends, get to know them and their concerns. I hope you won’t be “triggered.” Or if triggered, triggered in a way to power up brainstorming using wise woman power.

    I am feeling OK, at least as OK as anyone else here. I’m probably more OK than a lot of the younger women who are here on the blog.

    Perhaps I don’t belong on this blog but I’m not going anywhere anytime soon. I believe I can learn from all of you; I already am doing that. You might even find I have something to contribute. I’ve been around a block or two…

    I’m feeling a little stifled right now. If I experience anything that a 35-year old might not, dare I say it without anyone becoming triggered?

    So I’m getting out a yellow legal pad and writing my thoughts and feelings there. .

    I’m registered for the Cherry Norris call tomorrow. I’m expecting to glean some good stuff there.

    Really, Daria, you are sweet, I like you, don’t worry about me. I’ve been married once, maybe I’ll get married again. Or not. Either way I’ll be OK; I’m used to living as a single and I only recently decided to investigate “dating.”


    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 2:29pm

  323. 323: jacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    Daria – I’d like to get deeper – is this how to quiet a voice/thought or how to destroy a negative belief (because that’s what I’d call them, not voices) then? Or just how to put it away from oneself?

    RE: feeling messages – I agree with Brenda, that felt good. Of course I’m going to not be able to do something I’ve never done before.

    Siena – great question!

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 2:33pm

  324. 324: jacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    For me:

    I keep my promises. Always. No compromising. The number one thing that makes me feel good and worthy. If I promise you something I WILL deliver. Period. Not a single excuse in the world will keep me from it (except physical accidents or some such.)

    I honor my word – as in my promises and as in giving value and credence to my thinking. Believing it has value and even if I’m restating something that say – Nitsche- said before, I am adding to it’s value. For others, or for myself by clarifying, etc.

    (Even the one’s I’ve set up with myself – like to post on Mon/Wed/Fri. If I want to post between times that’s cool but it’s my word to myself to do the m/w/f.)

    I speak nicely to store clerks, etc. I cannot even enjoy the Denny’s anymore because of the waitresses wanting to tell me their stories, but if I go I listen. Same with girls at Walgreens, etc.

    I try to leave people I encounter feeling better – smiling at old people, waving, etc.

    I force myself to grow even when I don’t feel like it – for ex. it would be more fun for me to be reading vampire gore romance or walking on the beach at the moment, but I won’t grow in that environment.

    I work out three times a week (baring physical complications); I take vitamins/supplements; I sleep; I bathe, I do my hair, nails, toes…I honor my body, and treat it well. I appreciate and am amazed by my body – especially as I age. For example I can touch both hands flat on the floor – at 52. I love suppleness and I don’t want to loose it, although it is an effort.

    I have beauty in all of my environments – my artwork, my house, colors, paintings, yard, etc. I have no clutter, for me this takes away from beauty.

    I perform Reiki every day. I do both a protection for myself and a sending love. I love rituals, and I practice them when I feel moved to.

    I say random nice things to my boyfriend, in addition to making little notes every day, and never ever withholding sex for emotional reasons of any kind.

    I take care of my car, truck, etc. due diligence in life – my house insurance, taxes, etc. Checkbook balanced, etc. (est training stuff here) so that I am in integrity with life and it’s rules ( which are kind of like gravity).

    I daydream and/or fantasize.

    I honor my interest in fairy tales, Jungian psychology, tarot cards -subjects that deal with the advancement or journey of the soul. I give time and thought to the soul, other worlds, life after death, etc. I create a personal philosophy. I believe that my opinions are not only my opinions they are also researched and created not just out of thin air, but out of other’s experiences and research.

    I admit I make mistakes to myself, I don’t beat myself up.

    I apologize.

    I cook fabulously.

    I amuse myself, I entertain myself and don’t expect others to do that for me.

    I know that I am a child of G*d/dess and I honor all religions and choices.

    I know that my way is not the only right way and I work to appy an open mind.

    I allow myself to realize I don’t know, say I don’t know and be open to learning about what I don’t know.

    I don’t beat myself up verbally, and I don’t let others do it either.

    A start….interesting and kind of fun….

    thanks and off for now….


    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 2:34pm

  325. 325: NikitaNo Gravatar says:


    300: Jason Miller says:

    277: Daria
    286: Nikita

    I see your point, definitely. I was running under the assumption that you were giving him a chance from the beginning. I was assuming you were opening and connecting with him genuinely from the outset.

    -actually as I remember more…I WAS connecting with him….on a REALLY deep level….I still do….we just seem to have that…(on my side anyway)….but I did not feel any sexiness emanating from him….zilch.
    and really, Jason, seriously…. it was the snuggling. A makeout session followed by some snuggling and I was open to more…. of every man….I felt “safest” with him….for whatever reason…I did not get any promises….and I also “believed” at the time he was a TOTAL commitment phobe 😉 but I felt safe anyway…I felt in my bones…he would always be available for discussions and negotiations…..that he would communicate and consider the impact he was making…i basically thought he was a good guy. I also felt ….ready to be intimate with a man (after a long break :)
    he was there….respectful, and pursuing… so I just thought…”eff it” and did :) even though I have major Libra triggers (dislike,distrust,)

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 2:34pm

  326. 326: SienaNo Gravatar says:

    Jason, “. He might be able to take care of that fear in you if he knows what it is.”

    Ooo! I like that thought a lot! Feels tingly. Thank you :)

    Daria and Brenda, thank you! I’m experimenting with different things. I’m so over not thinking highly of myself. That’s sooooo last year. 😀

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 2:37pm

  327. 327: SienaNo Gravatar says:

    And J too – food for thought! Thanks!

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 2:40pm

  328. 328: ReneeNo Gravatar says:

    Jason — Forgive me if I’m a little dense today, but I’m operating on only 2 hours of sleep.

    When you say I may be settling, do you mean settling for someone I don’t really want or settling for less attention/affection than I want? When he was pursuing me, things were golden…then, after we got exclusive, he panicked and things haven’t really been the same since…he’s had a few days of the “good morning sweathearts”, but that was right after we started seeing each other again after the ‘break up’…right now, it feels like he’s just not thinking of me much at all and that feels bad.

    So…for the moment, I’m settling for less attention than I would like because I’ve seen what he’s capable of and I’m hoping that resurfaces. But right now (running on no sleep), it feels like it’s fading fast for him…

    We have plans for an all day date on Saturday, but I just cancelled our plans for tonight. I replied to his txt from last night with a txt this morning saying how wonderful I felt around him on Sunday and he wrote back, “Ha!!! That’s something, isn’t it???”, which totally shut me down and between that and the no sleep, I suspect I’d be a bear tonight or push him to talk about “us” when now’s not the best time for that, I think.

    My guy friend says I just need to play it like he did when he won me over initially — just be fun and upbeat, etc., but that’s exactly how I was Sunday and that obviously didn’t leave a lasting impression (no message until 9:30pm the next night). So I don’t know how to play it at this point…

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 2:42pm

  329. 329: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    SLV – a lot of ladies here are my senior woman friends! I also have many senior ladies in my Goddess group …

    what i’ve learned is – shockingly – age doesn’t MATTER when it comes to this stuff

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 2:44pm

  330. 330: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    SLV – i think MANY MANY women here are over 50. That’s the way it seems to me!

    theres a few of us under 40, but not most

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 2:45pm

  331. 331: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @240: Simply Shannon says:
    “SLV – Haha! Misspell a few words? Ack. ”

    Tee hee, just kidding….JUST KIDDING. 😆

    I wanted to let you know that. Now running up to read other posts…in passing just saw someone talking about POF. I want to know about that.


    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 2:47pm

  332. 332: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    RE: #321 – Repeatedly I have felt hounded for simply being myself. Unless I say things EXACTLY and PRECISELY the way you do, I feel hounded. It isn’t right.

    Sometimes femininity is silence, just letting someone else be who they are and leading by example. I feel far more inclined to use feminine feeling messages when I am left to observe and learn at my pace.

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 2:49pm

  333. 333: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Feeling sad and unheard.

    i don’t want to feel unsafe here. i feel angry!

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 2:52pm

  334. 334: NikitaNo Gravatar says:


    Did I tell you how to construct your sentences? I did not mean to tell you what to do. I don’t think I did but….. I expressed my feelings. I don’t believe I ‘felt controlled’ by you at all. I personally felt pulled on. I felt annoyed. But the sentences or rather the words “relax”, “chill out”, “get over it”…..these phrases have an energy that feels controlling. They look like commands…. what does it look like to you?

    Dear Brenda,
    Get over it, pettiness is just part of your experience right now. Relax you can’t control a bunch of women. You also can’t tell me what to do, so chill out.
    Here take a balloon,
    How does that look to you?
    Controlling is not “boy” voice, it’s just controlling.

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 2:57pm

  335. 335: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Rori says:

    The challenging thing here is – we’re wanting to unearth our deeper feelings – even the “ugly” ones so that they DON’T run us – but what’s happening here is that we’re letting them RUN US!!! That’s what the Feeling Messages are for – to keep out judgment and stay with compassion. There is absolutely no way to express any opinion about anything another human does or says WITHOUT being judgmental. Not possible. So – thank you so to all, and I’m laying down the rule. NO JUDGMENT. When you feel triggered – as long as the person did not judge you – the stuff is YOURS…but if there was opinion and judgment, and you feel defensiveness…you don’t want to be reading that stuff. So – if I miss posts that are judgmental (and there are just so many, I can’t read them all) – just try not reading them. See how that works. that’s sort of the “walkaway.” Be your own “gatekeeper.” and those of you who write me to give me head’s up about what’s going on – bless you, and I’ll try my best to make this a safe place. We are using the “‘I’ formation’ – Feeling Messages. We are being GIRLS. Read the stuff on riffing (get help from Daria or some of the others who are really, really good at Riffing) – and get it out and vented THAT way! And let’s see how this works…

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 2:59pm

  336. 336: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i felt really strongly compeleed to take out the parenthesis part where my name is mentioned, because i don’t want to be seen as trying to make myself important

    but eff that. I AM important dammit… i deserve to be BIG

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 3:00pm

  337. 337: BrendaNo Gravatar says:



    I was merely being playful.

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 3:04pm

  338. 338: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Brenda: I feel really sad. I get the sense that you are in a lot of pain right now. I don’t want to make you feel worse.

    I have seen many many examples of you being kind and supportive of sirens here. I really appreciate that side of you. I feel a kindness eminating from you at those times.

    I feel sad that you think I am hounding you. I want to be free to express my self as well. I feel certain we both want the same thing. How can we support each other in both feeling safe?

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 3:12pm

  339. 339: NikitaNo Gravatar says:


    I haven’t seen anyone respond to your question…But Renee seems to be the most savvy when it comes to managing dating sites…there is also a post all about OK.C…have you seen it? I don’t know anything about POF so I can’t be of much help to you….

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 3:19pm

  340. 340: ReneeNo Gravatar says:

    Knocksoftly — I’m glad I’m helping you work through a trigger, but the question remains…when you know, you feel deep in your heart that you’re losing him, what do you do to turn it around? I know he’s capable of giving me the attention and affection I want because he’s done it before…some would say if the feeling was there before it can be there again, but can it?

    I feel sad, angry, fearful and empty.

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 3:22pm

  341. 341: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Brenda: it felt really bad to read you saying things like relax, chill out, and STOP YOUR BITCHING.

    It felt really bad.

    I’m not forcing you to say things differently, I’m just saying it feels bad to hear.

    I know that the part of you saying that is a part that is in pain right now. I want to have compassion for that pain yet I also want to stand up for myself when something doesn’t feel good.

    I feel open to hearing suggestions for how I can do both….be compassionate to you yet also be compassionate to myself. You made the suggestion that sometimes being feminine is being quiet. I feel uncomfortable stuffing my feelings when something feels bad. You also made the suggestion of leading by example. I feel good about that. I would like to experiment with that. Do you have any other suggestions?

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 3:24pm

  342. 342: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Renee – Rori goes into this deeply… when things feel bad and it feels like he is slipping through our fingers,

    in order to attract him … we move our attention AWAY from him and OUT the Window, into things that energize us… and focus on our own life and CD

    this will draw him back in

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 3:27pm

  343. 343: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Renee: re…

    “…when you know, you feel deep in your heart that you’re losing him, what do you do to turn it around?”

    for me, I truly believe I create my own reality with my focus. So in that situation I would start telling myself a different story…a story that feels good.

    I might say something like…

    I believe that the universe is here to love and support me and give me whatever I want. There is no way I will lose him unless there’s someone even better out there for me.

    And I just keep telling myself good feeling stories over and over.

    Hope that helps :-)

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 3:31pm

  344. 344: jacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    Quote: “just try not reading them” – when I said I was going to do this, Daria said she felt judgemental about my posts.

    Confusing. But I like this way to be here, and am claiming it as Rori sanctioned.

    KS – hope all is well!

    Brenda – sorry this day’s been hard on you….hugs!!!

    and a BALLOON which I know you love – actually a big bundle of em, and how about a dozen white roses thrown in? things that make you happy coming at you!!!


    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 3:31pm

  345. 345: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    An example of that is…

    Today, my man left to go out of town for a week. As he was walking away, a fear came up “what if he gets in a car accident and I never see him again?”. So rather than dwell on that thought, I visualized him and his car wrapped in a yummy rose colored light, with angels at each corner of his car escorting him on his way.

    I figure if I can use my imagination to create things to worry about, I can use it to create things that feel good also.

    I feel good believing in magic.

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 3:36pm

  346. 346: NikitaNo Gravatar says:


    I feel curious about whether you have heard of David Deida’s book, Dear Lover ?

    Tinque seems to LOVE his stuff….she has Venus in Pisces…so maybe if you don’t already own it, I felt like sharing it as it is all about “opening”……. tinque…swoons…..over the flowery romantic way it is written…..
    but I feel an astrological connection here :) I wonder when David’s B-day is?….mmm….I wonder if it’s pesces or a water sign…. :)

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 3:42pm

  347. 347: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    hmm… i feel misunderstood…

    i felt judgemental about the “how do we work with our nv’s question” …

    i felt unseen in that we have been working with nv’s all along, and that triggered judgement in me,

    like someone coming on blog and writing … hey, have you all heard of the Rori Raye blog? do you know where it is?

    not sure why this triggered me

    anyway it’s my judgement and trigger

    it’s an “impatient” thing i have when i judge people … i guess its a coverup for feeling unseen

    and misunderstood


    well for me, i don’t plan on not reading certain people…

    but i do feel curious to experiment with Rori’s suggestion to not read things when it’s judgemenents and such…

    like Tinque who said she “can’t” not read triggering posts,

    i find it challenging,

    very attracted to my triggers of course


    busy busy setting up a format for me to workout!


    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 3:43pm

  348. 348: ReneeNo Gravatar says:

    Daria — That’s what I’m trying to do — that’s why I broke my date with him tonight because I knew I would feel needy and anxious around him and I know for sure that’s no way to win him over. I am focusing a lot on my work right now (taking a class in lead generation and working on lead generation) and am communicating with a couple of cd’s, but neither of them move me at all. There are a couple more that are hanging out out there someowhere, contacting me every few days, and they’re definitely not moving me since they’re not stepping up.

    Knocksoftly — I do know not to chase him (something I’ve definitely done with others in the past!) so that should be of some help, but other than backing off and focusing on myself, I don’t know what to do. Cancelling our date tonight seemed like the only option at this point…partially to protect myself and partially, I admit, to engender a response from him. I’m wanting him to wonder if he’s losing me and hopefully miss me…but at this rate, he may very well just forget about me until our date for Saturday, when he can trot me around like arm candy for a day at the races and the football game, which I don’t mind, but I just want him to feel the same way about me as he did during the last football game he took me to, when he told me he adored me….feeling sad again…

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 3:45pm

  349. 349: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    Sigh,……I feel my “boy” working too hard…

    a link to show what I am talking about….this is my response to the question about raising value.

    Dear Lover:–TPmyH4mz8QbJ2tiVAQ&sa=X&oi=book_result&ct=result&resnum=6&ved=0CDoQ6AEwBQ#v=onepage&q&f=false

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 3:47pm

  350. 350: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    I’m realizing that hearing Nasty Voices just feels bad to me…whether they are my own nv’s saying bad things about myself, someone else’s nv’s saying bad things about them, or (and this is the part that gets confusing) my nvs saying something bad about someone else or someone else’s nvs saying something bad about me.

    It feels better to me to separate someone from their nv’s. If they say something that feels bad, it feels better to assume it’s their nv’s talking and not them. I don’t take any nv’s seriously, so if I remember it’s just their nv’s talking, then I don’t feel so triggered.

    I imagine their nvs are probably so loud in their head ad saying such painful things and the person is trying to stop their internal pain by lashing out at others.

    When I make the distinction between the person and their nv’s, then I can still feel compassion for the person even if what their nv said feels bad.

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 3:52pm

  351. 351: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks NS! I really liked how you said this…

    ” LMAO-Not REALLY funny I chased him but it will be when I get some self esteem & look back on this 10 years from now”

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 3:56pm

  352. 352: SienaNo Gravatar says:

    Nikita, mmm, I love it!! I’ll order it, thank you! (I’ve heard of David, but havent read that)

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 3:57pm

  353. 353: Jason MillerNo Gravatar says:

    328: Renee says:

    Jason — Forgive me if I’m a little dense today, but I’m operating on only 2 hours of sleep.

    Of course!

    When you say I may be settling, do you mean settling for someone I don’t really want or settling for less attention/affection than I want? When he was pursuing me, things were golden…then, after we got exclusive, he panicked and things haven’t really been the same since…he’s had a few days of the “good morning sweathearts”, but that was right after we started seeing each other again after the ‘break up’…right now, it feels like he’s just not thinking of me much at all and that feels bad.

    I just mean that you might be settling for a situation that’s not working for you. Because he was willing to go exclusive and then freaked out about it means he thought he was ready when he wasn’t. He won’t move forward until his fear gets resolved.

    So…for the moment, I’m settling for less attention than I would like because I’ve seen what he’s capable of and I’m hoping that resurfaces. But right now (running on no sleep), it feels like it’s fading fast for him…

    We have plans for an all day date on Saturday, but I just cancelled our plans for tonight. I replied to his txt from last night with a txt this morning saying how wonderful I felt around him on Sunday and he wrote back, “Ha!!! That’s something, isn’t it???”, which totally shut me down and between that and the no sleep, I suspect I’d be a bear tonight or push him to talk about “us” when now’s not the best time for that, I think.

    My guy friend says I just need to play it like he did when he won me over initially — just be fun and upbeat, etc., but that’s exactly how I was Sunday and that obviously didn’t leave a lasting impression (no message until 9:30pm the next night). So I don’t know how to play it at this point…

    Do you want to talk to him about how he’s feeling about the relationship now? Maybe do it when you’re rested. I sure wonder what he meant by, “Ha!!! That’s something, isn’t it???”

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 3:59pm

  354. 354: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    My boy energy is off to take care of my girl. It’s going to be productive and get some things done so that my girl can relax later tonight.

    See y’all later.

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 4:07pm

  355. 355: Amy F.No Gravatar says:

    It seems I need lots of advice these days…

    One of my CD’s is just anemic – that’s the only way to describe him. We have been on two dates – months apart, he sends me stupid texts now and again, but he won’t go away. He’s not my type really, but really intelligent and would totally cherish me if it ever got there. However, he’s got some feminine energy – like he needs a kick to get things moving. I am not frustrated at all that he won’t step up. It’s like I felt a spark, but because nothing is happening, I’m just bored with it. How do I tell him without saying, the pace of this just bores me and I don’t want to go for boring coffee dates any longer. How do I express this? I am absolutely unattached to the outcome.

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 4:07pm

  356. 356: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Amy – how about… I really like you and feel attracted to you, but the slow pace of this just bores me and i don’t want to go for boring plain old coffee dates any longer… what do you think?

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 4:11pm

  357. 357: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Amy!!!

    did you see the link#354 for the book preview…i remember you were attracted by poetry stuff :)

    will you peruse, please…. and let me know?

    I’d love your input…

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 4:15pm

  358. 358: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @273: Daria says:
    “ i feel so judgemental of Jaqueline’s posts!…

    I find they are amazing and unlike anything else here on the blog. I’m learning to treat them with gratitude. At first I was sad when I read her post and perceptions that older divorced people have no joy in their lives until they find a mate and, then they don’t have long to enjoy it. I knew that’s not how I’ve lived.

    I was puzzled why someone would write something like and all the other stuff too. I know now it’s none of my business but…

    …being resourceful…and finding she was back I discovered I could make a healthy response. A facelife! I could probably use one. It took me by surprise. I was feeling a little afraid to read the post but I’m so curious i couldn’t resist. I saw this:

    265: jacqueline says:
    “…And I want to apologize to any of the women hear if I trigger/triggered their internal negative voices. I feel great compassion for those with that issue.”

    My mouth dropped open and my chin fell to my neck and I patted it up, up, up, up, up until my mouth was closed again. It felt good under my chin.

    And then I read:

    “…I thought I was in an external conversation and that was my intention in being here, but so many people have these neg. voices, I was not factoring that into my side of the conversations….”

    And I went “Eeek-Eeek-Eeek-Eeek-Eeek-Eeek-Eeek-Eeek.” My cheeks tightened up, neck too! It lasted for a minute or so.

    I don’t get that kind of spa treatment everyday. It might not be good for feelings but perhaps my face will benefit.


    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 4:19pm

  359. 359: Amy F.No Gravatar says:

    That response is perfect. He called me today and I need to call him back. I will just put this out there and see what happens-

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 4:21pm

  360. 360: Amy F.No Gravatar says:


    I am going to look at David Deida’s book now and thanks. Guess who showed up on my island? A screen-writer who sends a poem at the end of every email. Oh dear…this is my favorite kind of man-crack to smoke. I have learned so much about my patterns. Reading a book of poetry is exactly what I need to do so I don’t gush all over this man in my intoxicated state of mind and heart. Your request arrived just at the right moment. Thank you!

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 4:28pm

  361. 361: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    Amy can I use the term “love-aholic” in place of recovering man-crack smoker :) please? If not I am ok…I just feel so weird by “man crack”…. I remember real crack heads (brooklyn) and I dunno…how do you feel about-entering loveaholics anonymous ? maybe I can just work through this but loveaholic sounds so much prettier and gentle … 😉 sigh…..(off to mutter…)

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 4:48pm

  362. 362: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Any advice on this one??

    2 of the guys who seem to have ended up in my CD-ing rotation, because they have both come forward and I liked them both, know each other…

    And it turns ou quite well. Ie: borrowing work tools from each other and they have been on stag holidays together in the past.

    I have been honest with both of them about my approach to dating, and they are both aware that the other is interested in me.

    I come from a small town where everyone likes to know everyone’s business. These two guys and I all like to drink at the same pub (the only decent one in town). Everyone else looks on and has an opinion.

    I am just feeling tight and worried that this is going to get too hot to handle and I don’t want to create tension or give the gossips fuel.

    Do I need to drop one of these guys from the rotation or what? I don’t know how to handle this.

    For those who have been following my posts these two are date guy (who did finally follow up on a promise to contact after being flaky – WHEN he heard about he other guy and me), and the other guy is Mr feel good (because he makes me feel good).

    Anyone experienced this before?

    Any advice will be greatly recieved. xx

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 4:49pm

  363. 363: DeniseNo Gravatar says:

    Melody, on POF, your Sent box is accessed once you go on the page for your In box. You will see it on the third line, where it starts with My Matches.

    I cannot respond to your other question as I have not encountered that. Maybe it’s a security setting problem. Good luck!

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 4:51pm

  364. 364: SofiaNo Gravatar says:

    Woa, great posts. I got married, had a baby and all the good stuff. Prior to that I had been CDing and maximizing on all the positive energy, still am. So, what’s my goal now? marriage sounds like such an empty word right now (got separated 6 months ago but see him 3 x a week) when he picks up the baby who is nearly 2. I’ve been reading a lot and going out for fun. i haven’t met anyone I’d like to date yet…. and I don’t know if I want to date or wait till “the pond clears” I’m CDing myself -going out with friends, meeting new people, trying out new activities and it’s been great. I know it takes patience… anyone going through divorce?

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 5:14pm

  365. 365: DeniseNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Ella, Was the Date flaky guy in the pub the one who kept talking to others? If it is, he may blab a lot. Are you feeling tight because you are afraid that everyone will know your biz? In a small town, they probably will! How may that make you feel, later down the road?

    I know I would be uncomfortable “dating” both, at the same time, but can you be friends with both? Do you think they will compare and contrast? How would you feel simply trying to date one, like Mr. Feel Good and then see what happens?

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 5:14pm

  366. 366: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    RE: #340 – That was a very kind, sweet message, and I really appreciate it!!!!!!!!!

    Yes, I am in a lot of pain. I am going thru hell in my personal life. It would feel so good if I could come to the blog as an oasis and feel the sisterhood more often than not.

    I am getting on board with feeling messages, and I am learning at a rapid rate. There are times when I just need to SPEAK and just speak freely, and I don’t like it when I feel pressured to say every single word in just a certain way. I DO that. I am learning. But please let me learn at my pace, in baby steps.

    Sometimes I just need to talk freely, to unload my heart.

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 5:19pm

  367. 367: DeniseNo Gravatar says:

    Amy F -I love the phrase that your CD guy is anemic! Most of mine have been. They do not have enough blood to dial the phone usually.

    I hate coffee dates.

    I think that guys that offer that coffee are not for me.
    I do not even drink coffee!

    I feel that “drinks” are cheap.

    “Lunch” usually is an interview.

    Dinner = romance. Or at least someone who is willing to give you at least an hour or two.

    POF has plenty on their site, but not so tasty.

    I have had more guys take my number after a while or ask for it, and then never use it! Last week, I had that with one who I will call Judge Man, a professional Judge. Even him!

    One Marketing Man CD called me a few weeks apart, and made a date finally, for a few days later, then cancelled on text that afternoon. A guy in marketing who cannot market himself!

    So few of them follow through. Wha’s up with that?

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 5:25pm

  368. 368: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    RE: #343 – I feel deeply appreciative of your kindness.

    I was discussing this topic a couple times in the past with some of the same women, and it’s become somewhat of a raw nerve to me. I felt unheard in the past, and that’s another reason why my anger and frustration are compounded.

    I am told that my boy energy is triggering people. Yet Jason is not told that his boy energy is triggering people. So I suppose anyone would say, “Well, that’s because he’s a man. He’s SUPPOSED to talk with boy energy.”

    But that only underlines my conflict: I am being corrected because I am a girl. Therefore, it’s not boy energy that is the issue but a desire to control me that is the issue.

    Therein lies my anger and frustration.

    I love this blog and I love each lady and gent here. But sometimes it feels like a field of land mines in a war zone. Sometimes before I open the blog I do an emotional inventory to see how much emotional battering I can stand for, or if I want to.

    I understand the value of practicing feeling messages when there are triggers. But I find in my every day world, with non-Rori people, they take high offense if I make an issue of every little thing. I am learning to let some things go. I am learning to choose my conflicts.

    I observe Rori on the blog very keenly. Of course I know she is in a different function, more an overseer. Nevertheless, even when she gets involved in a conflict, she remains soft and nonbiased. She is SO diplomatic. I want to be more and more like her…in baby steps.

    Love ya,

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 5:31pm

  369. 369: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:


    I hear you that you want to come here as an oasis. So do I.

    And I hear your desire to speak quickly and not take time to formulate feeling messages. I understand that.

    I want this place to be an oasis…or in my own words, feel safe. An sometimes I feel so unsafe with your words. And I’m not saying that to force you to change because I know that there are plenty of other situations that will come up in the world where I feel unsafe. And I know I can’t get everyone to change to suit me. That’s not my intention.

    I dunno where I’m going with this. I feel really sad.

    I was feeling better towards you and then I saw an earlier post to me where you said “that’s not right” about my behavior and I feel so sad again.

    And I understand that even though I haven’t said the words to you “that’s not right” it’s still the message that you think I’m giving. You think I’m saying that what you are saying isn’t right.

    And I know how upset I feel right now hearing that and imagine you feel the same way.

    I feel really bad right now. Really upset. I feel discouraged. I feel so capable of making magic in so many areas of my life but not this one.

    I feel really sad.

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 5:32pm

  370. 370: DeniseNo Gravatar says:

    Brenda, I hate hearing you are in pain.

    I know you are in a tough spot.

    I hate reading all the NVs.

    Sometimes I think expression get so convoluted, better to step back. The written word can be so difficult to interpret, especially since so much of a real conversation is at least 50% with non-verbal communication. We hear more when we see. On a blog, we are not that privileged.

    I don’t like all the jabs. I am not into drama. I imagine your tension is mounting from defending. I am reading what feels good to read. I respond to what feels good, too.


    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 5:32pm

  371. 371: jacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    I feel misunderstood, too. I do not berate myself inside my head, so it was an aha moment when someone wrote me with some of the things they say to themselves inside their head. Negative voices sounds like someone speaking to themselves to me the way it is discussed. I may have a negative belief – but I don’t talk or think in that way where I chastise or berate myself. I wonder if a lot of people do, now that I am more aware of it.

    For example the other night right before I signed off I read someone say that suffering could not be her purpose – and I was so sad that someone was even thinking or feeling that. I started trying to find a way to present information and/or evidence that that belief could be disputed, changed and transformed.

    I often come here to see what people’s problems or issues are because it is my mission and blog purpose to find answers to such things. However, I am not a coach, not selling anything and am not equipped to help anyone in a dire psychological straight.

    I want to write about women’s happiness, particularly how it relates to aging and finding the next great happiness, or simply how to always have something to look forward to. I follow a blog called the Happiness Project and that women forwarded me some things that were also recently on Yahoo; they said that old age is when we feel happiest.

    That is not my experience, and for myself I never want to feel like all the best stuff is behind me. I don’t want my happiness to come from my past “glory days.” I want to continue to find ways to look with joy and anticipation at the years in front of me. Not in a goal setting way, but in an organic positive belief that old age will not diminish my ability to experience wonder and adventure and find it, nor limit me in seeking it out.

    I advocate joy – whether it is in imagining bouquests of breath- taking white roses, in a white bowl vase with purple stripes running on it and purple accents – a form of creative visualization, or in believing that the perfect man will appear and I will be happy with whatver time we have, or in using modern techniques such as hypnosis, mind meditations, Reiki, EFT, etc. These are things I write about on my blog.

    All paths that lead to joy are great. When there is not joy here, I try and figure it out. It triggers people, but I appreciate it when no one assumes I have previous knowledge of how people speak to themselves inside their head and just take me through some of Rori’s work in baby steps, or in a way that completes my understanding of it.

    I hope that by explaining myself it will make it more understandable why I participate here. More of who I am was shared in my ways I value myself earlier.

    I appreciate being able to witness growth, movement, triggering, etc. on the blog, and I become emotionally involved in the stories – and I really appreciate those who take the time to write me in a way that presents me with new paradigms, new information, new solutions, their stories, and more.

    Thank you all,


    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 5:33pm

  372. 372: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    Okay, I am very spoiled!! I usually see and talk to LI at least once a day. Usually I get a text in the morning if we’re not waking up together. Today I haven’t heard from him at all. And in my mind he has died in a car wreck. But I am leaning back. At first I thought it was great to feel the pull of missing him and wanting him, and now I’m just worried. Is something wrong? Is he mad at me? Did he get hurt or is he dead? LOL. I just saw him last night. I feel crazy.
    But seriously, this is unusual. Perfectly normal but unusual. I worrryyyyyyy. I think he’s dead.
    I am leaning back tho:D

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 5:34pm

  373. 373: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    RE: #347 – Thanks! A dozen of blue and green balloons to you and a dozen of yellow roses! And a dozen of homemade chocolate chip cookies with WAY too much butter!!

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 5:35pm

  374. 374: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    372: Denise says:
    “…So few of them follow through. Wha’s up with that?…”

    That seems like a lot of guys being flakey; is it something about that particular site or online dating in general? It seems at first thought, rude and disrespect because it’s unnecessary.

    It seems to me if a guy doesn’t want to call or see a woman there’s no reason to ask for a number or ask for date. Is there? I’d like to know about this. Is it some sort of masculine power play or are they all disorganized, or something else?


    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 5:35pm

  375. 375: jacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    Denise – Hi!!! Love the drinks is cheap and lunch is interview – totally what I did!! LOL…. and nice to see you here. I always feel like I learn a lot reading what your point of view – and it’s fun!!


    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 5:43pm

  376. 376: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    Thank you! Right back at you!

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 5:51pm

  377. 377: DeniseNo Gravatar says:

    Part of the online dating is that it’s something for anonymous people to hide behind. Don’t get me wrong, SLV there is a possibility of meeting someone fab but it is slim; I speak from experience. I have been doing it on and off more than ten years.

    Regardless of that, some are flaky, have no intention of ever meeting anyone, they are lonely, so just want to chat, some are afraid of their own shadow; in my case, many are looking for a booty call and very disrespectful. I always say Happy Fishing to that! Some simply want you to text them once they get the number. One guy kept asking me for more pictures. Ridiculous! One guy kept texting me for more than a month and never called, even tho’ I told him I do not like to text. One guy I told him I have to pay for texts so I only do it for emergencies. He wouldn’t stop. I spoke to him twice in a few weeks, and many months later, he still texts me. I ignore them, as I do not want to repeat myself. A masculine power play? Maybe. Maybe it makes them feel big when their pen– is small.

    It can be a part time job. But it is an option! And yes, there are plenty of seniors on it. Are you going to try it???

    The majority of guys on POF are not up to Grade A Prime Fish as far as I am concerned. Most cannot put together a legible, comprehensive sentence. But it is a free site.

    A few of my friends say that e-Harmony, one of the expensive sites are not for them at all; one is not renewing. One of my guy friends is dating a woman from that site for many months now, and I see a possibility of commitment for them! YAYYYYYY! Joy joy joy. Have to love a happy ending!

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 5:53pm

  378. 378: DeniseNo Gravatar says:

    Jacqueline, I love your comment about “Advocating Joy”! Joy joy joy. I am into it. May I use it? It could be my new status update, or a tag line on my business card, LOL! Don’t we all need more happiness in our life?

    Thanks for the compliment. I like your insight and passion. Keep up the vision.

    Fun, is never ‘nuf (spelled backwards). Life is short. And getting shorter, even with my big kharma!

    I will look forward to your next interview! Keep on blogging.

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 5:59pm

  379. 379: jacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    @ Brenda – blue green and yellow – wow that sounds like a pretty color combo…and these cookies??? Yuuuummmmmmmm…it’s like an imaginary tea party, NO CALORIES!!!! whooo hoooo…..

    Thank you darlin and feel better….(((((((((Brenda in here))))))))))))

    You are simply experience the break down that leads to break through I think….AND there’s gonna be a fabulous break through.

    And congrats for being strong – just think If a certain person comes around how fabulous you will feel then! and if he doesn’t – how great you will feel when even more fabulous new man who is ALL THAT shows up!!! He will, He will, trust the HORSE, stay on the PATH….LOVE that tool!!

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 6:00pm

  380. 380: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    I feel scared. I feel anxious. Am I being tested? I feel stuck in my head. The thought of dropping into my feelings and even eventually becoming bored with feeling worried and scared makes me feel GUILTY. Like I am a bad girlfriend if I don’t trip like crazy right now. Because he’s dead on the highway and I am at home leaning back. Ohhh this feels confusing and awful, but what I honestly want is to feel free to lean back!!

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 6:01pm

  381. 381: DeniseNo Gravatar says:

    Speaking of old flames showing up (Daria and there was another) yesterday, as I believe someone said it was due to the planets… I saw the first guy I had a serious relationship from my initial internet dating foray, from about ten years ago. Seems like a lifetime ago. Guess what, he was peeking at my profile on POF! He looked good, still handsome. But I look better. Ha! He probably still wants me. He told me: “I was the light at the end of the tunnel”, for him. Yes, I was, but he was not mine. He couldn’t get to the end of my love tunnel, if you know what I mean! That was my chuckle of the day!

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 6:05pm

  382. 382: DeniseNo Gravatar says:

    Dorothea, if it is any consolation, I too have not heard from my Perfect Man. We do not talk every day, it is not his style, and I am cool with it.

    It has been three days since my CD with my dad, and I am sure he is thinking I was out with another guy. He did not return my little texts, nor has he called. I know he is ok, even if he is hiding in his man cave. I focus on me. I did my goldie locks today! It looks fabulous.

    Is there something you can do to make you feel comfortable to lean back, and feel free?

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 6:10pm

  383. 383: JeannetteNo Gravatar says:

    Sirens, Is there any such thing as the perfect guy? Who has come the closest and how would you describe him?

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 6:13pm

  384. 384: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    i just did my dishes. i am just getting my house in order cuz i have new furniture:D I am just tripping and think that days off of talking need to be OK. I actually prefer him giving me the gift of missing him and I feel really guilty about it, because what if he’s dead or something?

    Anyway it’s only 7 and i keep looking over at my phone, which i wouldn’t even answer at this point because i feel NEEDY. haha. oh this feels hilarious.

    i’ll just keep coming back here to spam instead of leaning forward tonight, and admiring the beautiful roses he got me.

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 6:14pm

  385. 385: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    RE: #374 – Thank you for hearing me. I hear you saying you sometimes don’t feel safe with me. 99.9% of the time I do my utmost to be kind and loving. I hear you saying you are not attacking me.

    So if that is not your intention, I accept that and apologize if I was mistaken. And I just would feel really good if we could hug and make up…what do you think/feel?

    (((Laughing Goddess, Nikita, Daria, Shannon)))


    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 6:17pm

  386. 386: DeniseNo Gravatar says:

    A Perfect Guy makes me feel adored, when I am with him, and even when I am not. He cherishes me, he supports me, he respects me. I could go on (and on), but really, I should stop after the first sentence! : D

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 6:23pm

  387. 387: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    RE: #389 – I have a secret! I am secretly married! My husband is perfect, and I am PASSIONATELY in love with him…it’s Jes*s!!!!

    I hug my pillow at night and imagine it is him, and I talk to him, and when I get real quiet, he talks back! He is kind, loving, forgiving, understanding, a great listener, accepting, caring, protective, and he provides for me!

    He never yells at me, never cheats on me, is never self-centered, never hurts my feelings, always understands, and he is totally on my horse in helping me to do my P.O.P.! I love him with all my heart!

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 6:23pm

  388. 388: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    You asked quite a few posts ago what everyone’s dream and goal was for a relationship. I meant to respond sooner.

    I want to be a wife. Ideally, I’d like children, but I am flexible on that, or I wouldn’t mind adopting children or taking his children if he is already a father. I want to be a team with my husband to help people…something in human services.

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 6:25pm

  389. 389: jacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    Denise that would be very cool if you used Advocating Joy – it’d be like paying it forward!!!

    Got the interview up! had to trick wordpress by sticking Jason’s pix in there to make it break into a paragraph – they say that’s a wp problem. Outsmarted!!! it! aha! but it did take 35 minutes….lol…

    see you all here later – or there, too?!!

    Take care everyone!

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 6:36pm

  390. 390: NikitaNo Gravatar says:



    357: knocksoftly says:


    Whoooaaaa. I was skimming that book. And when I got to the sex part….I was like….WOW.
    I wanna be made love to like THAT! *Blushing & hormones raging* Giggle……

    page 133? where where??? (I own the book and yet I haven’t read THE whole thing….I got maybe half-way…it isn’t quite me :)
    but I appreciate it a lot!

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 6:39pm

  391. 391: jacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    KS – I’m sorry you feel so bad. Love yourself, that’s always first. And maybe go curl up and be a cat? or do something nice for yourself. And dispute the neg. voice! talk back! “Change is coming, I can do it, I’m resting up pampering myself here, cuz it’s gonna be good once I get there.” I read a thing last night that said to give yourself three YEARS to re-set your life….and feelings are fleeting. Tomorrow may be brighter. Hugs hugs hugs….


    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 6:40pm

  392. 392: tinqueNo Gravatar says:

    NIkita – Yes that is indeed my favorite book of that genre. I highly recommend to any and all. David Deida, Dear Lover. If you’re NOT into the flowery language, try Blue Truth.

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 6:42pm

  393. 393: NikitaNo Gravatar says:


    awww you got roses 😉 aaawww…… sweet.

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 6:43pm

  394. 394: tinqueNo Gravatar says:

    Jeanette – Yes indeed there is a perfect man, one who is perfect for YOU, not for me or anyone else but YOU.

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 6:43pm

  395. 395: DeniseNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you Jacqueline, I just did use “Advocating Joy!” as my status. It feels right. Great words to live by. I will strive for it!

    Isn’t it great to survive technologies little foolish games?! Good to teach ourselves new tricks!

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 6:43pm

  396. 396: JenniferNo Gravatar says:

    Hey Shannon…get your gloves on
    I got denied.
    I FB’d judo man to say i couldn’t come to class since it’s my friend’s Birthday and we’re going out. And since I seem to be suffering from the Pon Farr…I felt i should wait till thurs.

    He replies
    “Well, good luck with the Pon Farr … I hope it involves the non-fight-to-the-death solution. 😉 ”

    I feel like I can’t even give it away right now.
    However …… my roomie says I wasn’t clear enough.
    He’s more afraid of rejection from me that I am from him….she says.
    I feel like this is trigger city here………..
    Like…wow…the horniest dude I know doesn’t want any of this.
    Oh, look ……there’s a whole loaf of foccia bread and olive oil dipping sauce.
    Carb loading makes the pain go away.
    Roomie says you have to hit men over the head with it.
    You have to be like…….nice shoes…wanna Fck?
    She says women are like fire…all the conditions have to be right. Men are like fire fighters, no matter where they are they are ready in two minutes.
    I have to unlearn stuff I guess.
    B hated it when I was too direct.
    It seemed to freak him out.

    Oh look foccacia bread.
    More carb loading

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 6:44pm

  397. 397: RoseNo Gravatar says:


    I would probably just call or text just to see if he was ok, since you are used to hearing from him daily…

    I know it is leaning forward but maybe a balance of both is ok?

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 6:47pm

  398. 398: NikitaNo Gravatar says:


    wow…I remember you suggesting Blue truth before…and I think I looked at it and preferred the cover of Dear Lover (I am so visual) or maybe Blue wasn’t in stock? dunno…but I remember researching both and CHOOSING Dear Lover …! maybe patience would have helped…. (why I didn’t finish it is a looooong story with lots of twists) the book and I have been reunited(yes we were separated) for 3 months? I keep it in my bedroom but……sigh…I dunno…. David hasn’t made a move yet :)
    but I love looking at the cover…. (giggles) seriously….wow….. I really love that cover!!!

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 6:49pm

  399. 399: NikitaNo Gravatar says:


    aaw :( sorry. Hope you feel better sooner than later…

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 6:51pm

  400. 400: GigiNo Gravatar says:


    Just wondering…

    Would you include the comment # of the person you are responding to next to your entries, so that it is easy to find her original question?



    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 7:00pm

  401. 401: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    mmmmm…… focaccia 😀 yum!!!!

    yes….. I would say….. sigh, I am peaking and I am probably going to have to hold tryouts ….. unless the horniest man I know can be counted on for service.
    blink..blink…blink…. If I don’t fu*k in the next 24 housr…I may be driven to set the dojo on fire….feel like being a hero?

    oh wait!!!! I have one that is purrrfect for you!!!
    I once used it……I looked into his eyes, smiled and said:

    “hey cowboy… 😉
    save a horse ride a nurse”. (LOL!!!)

    it was at halloween(i was a nurse) ….and I said it to a very famous actor :) really :) (no, I did not sleep with him)(he did go into shock but I think he liked it…I ran off so …dunno.

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 7:00pm

  402. 402: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    Rose, it is very unlikely he is hurt or dead.
    I think this is a pivotal moment where we both stretch out with the freedom to live our lives. It’s only been 24 hours since I spoke to him.

    spam-spam-spam the blog
    don’t pick up the phone

    warily warily warily warily
    i just hate to feel alone

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 7:00pm

  403. 403: RoseNo Gravatar says:

    LOL you’re cute Dorothea!

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 7:02pm

  404. 404: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    dear Floating Journal – i feel better. i ate cornmeal mush cake and melted cheese with fungii on it

    i feel more powerful

    i am still hungry!

    i did my beginning secret workout this morning, and i bet that’s why

    i want to feel happy!

    theres some things im afraid to do – reach out to people about business things, and things about the metal bar people

    im sad ! about this

    i dont feel happy easy or free about them… i Want to feel happy easy and free

    i’m tired of judging oshun i made progress here!

    i love my sad feelings too

    thank you for being here

    and that feels like a sigh

    i love my sigh

    and that feels like sleepy

    i love my sleepy

    and that feels

    like sigh

    i love my sigh

    and that feels like smile

    and sigh

    i love my smile and sigh

    and that feels like

    melting shoulders
    and hmmf

    i love my melting shoulders and hmmff

    and that feels like…


    i love my fear…

    and that feels like


    i love my sigh

    and that feels like

    smile and melt

    i love my smile and melt

    and that feels like


    i love my sigh

    and that feels like

    smile and lift and brightened eyes

    i love my smile ad lift and brightened eyes

    and that feels like sigh

    i love my sigh

    and that feel like giggle

    i love my giggle

    and that feels like bigger smile

    i love my bigger smile

    and that feels like giggle giggle

    i love my giggle giggle

    and that feels like


    i love my burping

    and that feels like


    i love my hiccup

    and that feels like


    i love my giggle


    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 7:03pm

  405. 405: RoseNo Gravatar says:

    I’m sure you’ll hear from him…I think your post triggered my worry wort feelings..

    I need to work through not worrying so much…

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 7:04pm

  406. 406: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    403: knocksoftly says:

    Starts on page 13. Wow!!!!

    oh..yeah…the WHOLE book is like that…. it can be a very vulva plumping experience (omg-did I just write that?)
    could be mentally orgasmic for the ladies that swoon for love letters and poems :)

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 7:14pm

  407. 407: RoseNo Gravatar says:

    Knocksoftly, this is something I have been concentrating on a lot since I found this blog…
    Dating yourself, to me means doing everything that makes YOU happy..
    Taking up any hobbies you always wanted to do, reconnecting with friends, maybe making new ones…
    Even spending time at home doing nice things for yourself, a bubble bath, a manicure, watching a great movie…
    Shopping for something nice for yourself…Anything that makes you focus on you and only you!!

    which makes me think, I will now do my nails, humm red or black? maybe black..:-)

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 7:21pm

  408. 408: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    he called
    i was stuck on the toilet and i hear his ringtone
    i’m like nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo damn you, bodily functions!

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 7:22pm

  409. 409: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Brenda: I would like to hug and make up.

    I wasn’t attacking you. I did feel triggered by some things you said and I was trying to work through those triggers…not so that I could change you or make you wrong but so that when a similar situation comes up, I am better equipped to handle it. I can understand that it might seem like an attack when someone feels so triggered by your words.

    I feel really sad right now. I just feel so sad. I feel so sad when my words aren’t taken as I intended when I said them. I feel so sad reading some comments here today. I feel really sad that Rori encourages up to process in a certain way here, and then people who don’t understand it call it taking jabs. It feels bad. Like opening myself up to be vulnerable and then being made fun of.

    I know I keep repeating myself but I just feel really sa right now. I feel worried that this isn’t the oasis I once thought it was earlier either.

    I feel disappointment. I feel discouraged.

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 7:24pm

  410. 410: RoseNo Gravatar says:

    Dorothea you are hilarious :o) :o) Well I feel glad you heard from him!!

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 7:26pm

  411. 411: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    The call –
    Him: Hello
    Me: Hola
    Him: How are you?
    Me: I feel good
    Him: You feel good? Did you have another productive day? How was work?
    Me: Yeah it was really productive.
    Him: It feels REALLY good to hear your voice
    Me: I missed you…
    Him: Yeah? You missed me? I miss you too. I am going to come pick you up right now.
    Me: OK! That would feel really nice.


    Bye ladies

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 7:29pm

  412. 412: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @383: Denise says:
    “Part of the online dating is that it’s something for anonymous people to hide behind. Don’t get me wrong, SLV there is a possibility of meeting someone fab but it is slim; I speak from experience. I have been doing it on and off more than ten years.”

    Thanks for the info and candid opinion; it’s appreciated. I’ve been thinking I might try online dating sites eventually say within next year. I’m far from ready. With slim pickings maybe I can learn something from the process.


    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 7:35pm

  413. 413: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    Dating myself for me means dressing up as if I’m going on a date, then going out in public…with the potential of meeting men…and doing something special with myself! That could be a day trip to the shore, walking on the beach barefoot. That could be going out to eat. That could be hanging out at a bar. That could be walking in a park.

    I may or may not meet a single man. But I am practicing my Sirenness, visualizing Rori’s tools for femininity, long eye contact to men for practice, smiling at men for practice…and just getting out, being around people.

    I hope that helps.

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 7:50pm

  414. 414: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    This is probably a scammer, but here is an introductory letter I got from a CD. Sure sounds ideal…

    Your profile and pix caught my attention.Though we might be miles apart.I’m charmed with what you wrote on here.I’m compassionate,matured,considerate,Honest,Caring, and Romantic.I am looking for the love of my life. The one I cannot stand to be without for even a second. I’m looking for the dreamy type of love, few of us ever get to know. I am a gentle man, but I can be very intimidating if needed to be. I would like to know the kind of beauty that is expressed in all ways,spiritual,physical,emotionally and intellectually. I am not very demanding, I believe in letting life flow naturally, I don’t force things. Life is a dance and I am seeking my dance partner. A relationship should be 50/50 anything else isn’t acceptable. I am not pretentious, nor do I like people who are.I would like to add that I only seek serious inquiries – about me -if you are not for real – please don’t waste my time.Willing to invest myself in getting to know you. I feel after talking,then meeting in person you can tell if there is chemistry and common interest. When you look people in the eyes you can tell alot about them and if they are being truthful.If you care to know anything about me feel free to send me an email at or send me IM on YM my ID XXX I’m online now I’m new member on this dating service, If you didn’t see my pictures contact me via email so i can email you some pics of me Thanks i will be awaiting your response.

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 8:01pm

  415. 415: life_is_too_short_to...No Gravatar says:

    345. Daria says:

    “Renee – Rori goes into this deeply… when things feel bad and it feels like he is slipping through our fingers,

    in order to attract him … we move our attention AWAY from him and OUT the Window, into things that energize us… and focus on our own life and CD

    this will draw him back in”

    The more I get clear on how the energy coming

    from The Guy i have my heart set on actually feels for me, and how

    it’s registering on the

    “giving meter” (i’m feeling 20% ? sorry, that’s

    not gonna cut it)

    the easier it is to “cut bait” and prevent myself from getting my energy drained,

    by NOT reverting to leaning forward and overfunctioning by rescuing, mommying, being his therapist or transition specialist, or telling him what to do,

    and shifting the focus to my other projects, interests, family, friends, plans, goals, everything else I value and that is meaningful and important to me.

    (But the more you keep sleeping with them and bonding, ( part of the “man-crack” phenomenon) the harder it is shift when you want to)

    If my HS old flame long distance guy is serious about wanting to see me (as he has been saying) because he is genuinely interested in more than just friends with benefits,

    i have figured out a way to put it on the table, when he brings up the subject again, that will enable me to discern that in a nanosecond!!

    Depending on which way he responds
    I will know what his intentions are, and then it will be easy to either try to continue to explore the relationship or walk away.

    This may sound like a no-brainer to you, and it is much easier with guys you just met, but with more complicated relationships where you have to be very vigilant about your boundaries and not falling into old patterns, it’s a challenge!

    unzip my heart to RECEIVE….zip up my mouth to stop from too much GIVING

    I’d love feedback, comments from anyone that is moved to….and that goes for any of my communications…

    Thank you

    LITS T

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 8:12pm

  416. 416: life_is_too_short_to...No Gravatar says:

    I mean it is a complicated relationship because it is

    triggering so many things all at once and challenging

    me so strongly on my patterns, my boundaries, my

    beliefs, my negative voices, what i really want…..i

    truly feel i have been given a tremendous gift and the opportunity to make huge changes in my life.

    Discovering Rori’s material and the blog could not have come at a better time


    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 8:20pm

  417. 417: JeannetteNo Gravatar says:

    Girls, I have an unresolved issue with my ex long distance boyfriend. He broke my heart just short of a year ago writing me a letter that it was over in a Thanksgiving card. We had a relationship for 2 years. We cried every time he left me to go back home. It was sweet but I could tell he was lonlier then me but wasn’t ready for me to move down near him. Once in awhile he will send me a email and ask how I am. I have written him a email a couple of times and he answers immediately when he gets it. I know he cares just not enough…, I just moved on. My current love reminds me a lot of my long distance oddly enough….he’s just financially poorer then the other one. He grew up about 100 miles from the other one…from the south. My current one is sweeter, they are both shy. Pretty weird I know……

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 8:28pm

  418. 418: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Okay, I am going to try and rewrite part of what I wrote to you Brenda. When I reread it, I could hear some judgement in what I was saying.

    I really want to learn to communicate my feelings in a way that doesn’t trigger defensiveness in others. Sometimes when I try to communicate my upset feelings to my love, he gets defensive and we end up in an argument. I really want to improve my communication. So I’m going to try again.

    Brenda, would you be willing to let me know if the second try feels less triggering?

    First try…
    I feel really sad right now. I just feel so sad. I feel so sad when my words aren’t taken as I intended when I said them. I feel so sad reading some comments here today. I feel really sad that Rori encourages up to process in a certain way here, and then people who don’t understand it call it taking jabs. It feels bad. Like opening myself up to be vulnerable and then being made fun of.

    I know I keep repeating myself but I just feel really sa right now. I feel worried that this isn’t the oasis I once thought it was earlier either.

    I feel disappointment. I feel discouraged.

    Do over…
    I feel so sad right now. I feel sad that I didn’t communicate in the way I intended. I really wanted to communicate my feelings and have them heard. I can see that the way I said it triggered some defensiveness in you and others. That feels bad. I don’t want to push others away with my words. I just so want to be heard. I feel sad that I wasn’t able to do that. And I feel sad that there seems to be a disconnect between us.

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 8:33pm

  419. 419: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Life – your breakthroughs sound great… im a little concerned that this thing you’ve come up to “test” him may be overfunctioning (as testing is)

    i feel curious what it is though?

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 8:38pm

  420. 420: JeannetteNo Gravatar says:

    Girls…I have more…..40 years ago I first met my current squeeze. I met him after I became a unwed mother…I was 16. I saw him in school and it was haunting. His eyes and face reminded me of the infant I had to give up. Very sweet and innocent. Then we broke up…..40 years later he resurfaces….after breaking up with my long distance. Again, he haunts me….reminds me of the one who broke my heart…my long distance….sweet and from the south….Is this weird, is this crazy? What is the message here? I am still trying to put it all together. We’ve been together now 6 months or so. It rather feels spiritual…God sent…but I’ve told you it’s less then perfect……

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 8:42pm

  421. 421: life_is_too_short_to...No Gravatar says:

    OK Daria, he has been mentioning coming up here or me going down there, for a weekend or whatever. If we do that, we are going to end up sleeping together, and I don’t want to do that before I feel more loved, happy and secure with him.

    So, when he says “I want to see you, come down here, (or i’d like to come up there” I am going to say, since we haven’t seen each other in so long, how about meeting somewhere halfway just for the day to get together and have a fun time.

    And then I am going to zip it and see what he says.

    If he doesn’t go for it, I know I don’t have a deal.

    What do you think?

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 8:43pm

  422. 422: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks, LG,

    I feel really receptive to that. I appreciate your effort in open communication. That feels good.

    I want to go to bed. I am too tired to spend two or three hours doing laundry, yet I have nothing to wear tomorrow. Is it okay if I call off tomorrow and do the laundry then? I already took a one hour nap and I’m still tired.

    That part was just thinking out loud…not really to you, LG. Just half asleep here. I’m going to bed. I just can’t do it all.

    Love and hugs to all the Sirens and Heroes. Sweet dreams!

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 8:46pm

  423. 423: JeannetteNo Gravatar says:

    Oh no Brenda…I would’ve appreciated your thoughts….being so spiritual and all!…….oh well, good night sweet siren…..

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 8:51pm

  424. 424: life_is_too_short_to...No Gravatar says:

    Jason doesn’t seem to think testing is overfunctioning but a necessary part of figuring out if they share your values, etc. and i dont know about anyone else, but being on the same page with a man vis a vis values and wanting the same things is going to contribute to making me feel more happy and secure…..

    i mean, Rori’s simple statement about all you have to know is if you feel happy, secure and loved with them, and that’s it!! may sound simple but it really isn’t. OK, it may be simple but it is not easy, otherwise we wouldnt be here.

    a big part of why you feel happy, secure and loved with a man goes a lot deeper than my dog making me feel happy, secure and loved. Do you know what I mean?

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 8:53pm

  425. 425: NikitaNo Gravatar says:


    It sounds nice but … feels small. I feel dunno…. I do get it as being way more innocuous than the first but I dunno….maybe it is just something with me…. I would love to see more input/feedback. (i also enjoy dissecting things, but not frogs)

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 8:55pm

  426. 426: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    LG – the first one sounded better and more honest to me

    the second one feels more thinky and directive

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 9:12pm

  427. 427: life_is_too_short_to...No Gravatar says:

    have you seen this? it’s been around for a while, i still love it

    PostSecret is an ongoing community art project where people
    mail in their secrets anonymously on one side of a postcard.

    one of them has a picture of a woman bungee jumping and the caption says
    “I only jumped so I would have a reason to call him”


    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 9:15pm

  428. 428: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks for your feedback Brenda. Sweet dreams.

    Nikita: you thought it felt small? Hmmmmm I can see that. I’d like to find a way to communicate that doesn’t trigger defensiveness in others also doesn’t belittle myself. I’m trying to take personal responsibility and not blame. Any feedback is welcome.

    I bought dear lover too but didn’t make it very far. Too flowery for my personal taste. I did just buy a bunch of books about shamanism the other day and they are rocking my world.

    My ram is out of town for a week. Missing him but happy for a little space to focus on myself.

    Just did a little cd-ing at the health food store. Got asked out by this guy who seems very interesting. Declined tonight and then he invited me out for breakfast. He had this super cool wolf dog with him. I went over to pet the dog and we hit it of from there. He’s very interesting. He’s a magician, not by trade but in spirit. I may go out to breakfast with him. Not really interested romantically but he’s an interesting guy and makes me laugh.

    I kinda like dissecting frogs. Is that weird?

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 9:19pm

  429. 429: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks for the feedback Daria. Gosh, I feel confused now. When I share my anger with LI, it usually triggers defensiveness in him and it happens to me here too. So want to find a better way. Any suggestions?

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 9:22pm

  430. 430: melodyNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks Nikita, for suggesting Denise to help with the POF issues…

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 9:25pm

  431. 431: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Daria, what felt directive about it? I feel fear that I will never find a way to communicate my feelings so they will be heard. I don’t know if this is a Gemini thing or what, but it’s huge for me to feel heard. It drives me crazy when I’m not. Maybe I should just give up on it. Maybe it’s just about me hearing myself. I dunno.

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 9:26pm

  432. 432: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Oh Daria, I heard about something happening in SF that you might really like. I went to it up here and the facilitator was trained in SF.

    It’s called Games Night and it’s about authentic relating. We played games that kind of push our comfort zones with being authentic and staying connected with people. I noticed that I had a little bit of a headstart from working on the things we do here. It was pretty easy for me to express my feelings and be in the moment. It was still a little bit challenging but in a safe and structured way. We practiced being present with another, looking people in the eye, expressing what is truly going on for us in the moment without judgement. I had a lot of fun.

    I’ll find the website so you can check it out if you want.

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 9:37pm

  433. 433: DebNo Gravatar says:


    I am in the same situation right now! I feel relieved. I feel satisfied to have a reason to post on this blog that I read all the time (love you, Sirens!).

    I admire you for not giving in to what other’s think. But I share your worry for an undeserved label or reputation… well at least I know that’s a fear from my own past.

    I met both guys through swing dancing, and I know they are friends, but I don’t think they talk much… I feel suspicious that there is a history there.

    I don’t want to drop either right now because they are both being awesome CDs! Planning fun dates, picking me up in fancy cars, and making me feel like the babe I am 😉 And *they* have been the ones to bring up future stuff and offer up all kinds of information – like they’re on a job interview! I love it – this is so new to me :)

    I am unsure about how much to say/not say about dating others. My hunch tells me that I should not divulge, but part of me feels that I’m holding back because me and Mr. ShimSham (its a dance – lol!) talk *a lot* about feelings, hypothetical future scenarios, what we want from a relationship, fears, etc. We almost had an awkward moment when a friend of his joined us for a group outing who had seen me out w/ the other guy (lets call him “Shag” – another dance – hehe!) the night before. I worry that he told ShimSham that I was out with Shag and that I will be judged. I felt this ashamed, sinking feeling in my stomach…

    Part of me hopes that this would inspire some healthy competition, no? I mean, they might have figured it out already… last week at swing they were competing for my hand and attention, bringing water over, etc… but that was before I’d actually gone out with Shag. Now, this week, what do I do if he starts putting his arm around me at swing night? What do I say if they directly ask me about the other? Help! I feel overwhelmed and lost… unconfident like I will mess this up… Do I just walk away early to avoid the who-walks-me-to-my-car dilemma??

    I feel better now that I’ve vented… Sirens I love you and this blog so much… you have no idea how much you’ve helped me and how far I’ve come. In 2 months I’ve gone from rock-bottom pining after a narcissist player to juggling 6 CDs! THANK YOU!!!

    <3 Deb

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 9:46pm

  434. 434: NikitaNo Gravatar says:


    ooooooooh-shaman books 😉

    uh-yeah, I didn’t see the directive aspect Daria saw so I’d feel very interested in hearing her expound but it felt just mildly self-blaming….just a little…..timid, maybe…. shaking leaf? the first did feel more honest to me but…I could see how it might trigger a little defensiveness…..but not really…I thought it was magical until you began reworking it….then it got smaller somehow….it cowered!!!!!! that’s what I felt!!!! omg…. okokok…….. sigh ……

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 9:48pm

  435. 435: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 9:49pm

  436. 436: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    I was doing laundry….(I do ALL of the laundry)….and I was thinking that this leaning back is great practice for when you live with someone(a man). I get my alone time while he is working….. and I do a few chores when he is home…. so I am busy doing things that feel good…(yes, I enjoy laundry) to me….I am being….He works a bit at home…. does his “boy” thing… forums? and other “boy” stuff….. we meet in the kitchen and smile….flirt……and then go back to our own thing…this works for me. I have all of the mental space I want…. well, not really-puppies take up space…. but …..well, we are both sort of Loners and somehow we have been able to do “togetherness” our way. I love hearing his footsteps….seeing him around the house…. I really love it….it feels so peaceful…. he checks on me gives me a kiss and then goes back to doing whatever…tinkering…t.v…..playing with pup…..I love it…. I think that if I was always in his face-pulling on him…asking him questions, demanding attention or trying to get his attention…he would be annoyed….I am sure of it…and the feeling is mutual :)

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 10:01pm

  437. 437: NikitaNo Gravatar says:


    cool :) thx for the link…. I wish it was on the east coast :(

    Maybe I have to come to San Fran :)

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 10:07pm

  438. 438: melodyNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Denise,
    Thanks for the information. I tried changing my security settings, etc. but it didn’t seem to change anything.

    I had seen the “Sent Msg” heading I think you were talking about, but whenever I’ve open it, it’s empty…it shouldn’t be because I did send several messages back. I was using the Send Quick Message button, but then it would throw me down into where all the smiley icons are and say I had to type in those security codes. Which I did. Several times, just to see what would happen. Nothing… Looked it up in their help menu and it said blahblah about making sure you aren’t a scammer…
    I am new to that site and one of the men who wrote to me said something about J*sus and his faith being important to him, so when I wrote back, I said something about J*sus, too…I wonder if that’s what the issue is?…he was the first person I replied to. Then none of my other messages have gone through either. I know Rori moderates comments if J*sus name is used.

    Anyway, then when I got home, I saw that his message and his photo are not anywhere in my account! At all! Did he delete himself??!! :) Did they delete him? Surely not…
    My sent message box is still empty.
    So I sent another message to one of the men I’m not interested in so I didn’t seem like a goof to the ones I do find interesting…:) and the same things happened…

    I feel manipulated. That may sound funny but I feel very aware of that feeling… interesting… it will be interesting for me to learn whether that feeling is valid or not!

    Anyway, I’ll wait to see what happens in the next day or two.
    I guess I can always close the account.

    Has anyone ever experienced anything like this? I’m new(er) to online dating.

    Denise, you are really so helpful!
    Thanks for sharing your experiences with us.

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 10:09pm

  439. 439: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Nikita: ya, the shaman books are blowing my mind. The one I’m reading right now is Courageous Dreaming – How shamans dream their world into being by Alberto Villoldo.

    I’ve been feeling a little bored in my life lately. I used to put so much energy into men. Daydreaming, making myself beautiful to attract them, blah blah blah. Now that Im in a solid relationship, I feel a little bored. I don’t know what to do with all that energy that I used to focus on men.

    I want to follow my bliss but I’m not quite sure what it is.

    I feel really inspired by shamanism. I feel excited to explore different realms of consciousness. I feel excited to be able to see energy and the grid that ties us all together.

    Has that been an issue for you at all? Feeling unsure of what to do now that you’ve found the relationship you want?

    And again, thanks your insights. I’m feeling a little confused. Need to let this perculate a bit.

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 10:15pm

  440. 440: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Oh Nikita, I feel a little jealous hearing that you have enough mental space. That’s the main challenge for me in my relationship. Sometimes I feel overwhelmed with how much attention he pays to me. I’m a bit of a loner too. Need alone time to recharge. It’s my dream to be able to puddle around the house and do our own thing. I’m going to try leaning back while we are together in the house and see what happens. I seem to think he’s the one always engaging with me but when I’m honest with myself, I can see that I am also instigating lots of it. Oooooo this feels exciting! I just created what I call the goddess temple and it’s my office, creation station, beaudoir, my magic space that I can go to and I told him that it’s something that I always want to have no matter where we live. He agreed to it.

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 10:31pm

  441. 441: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    KS: I can totally relate to the victim thing and feeling stuck. The book I’m reading right now discusses that in detail. Being a victim and wanting to get rescued.

    I feel bad hearing you say you haven’t made any progress. Is that really true? Really? Honestly?

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 10:36pm

  442. 442: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    I wanna hear about the progress you have made. I know there’s something. You’re disconnecting from a man that didn’t feel good. That’s progress.

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 10:41pm

  443. 443: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    You’re creating space in your life for cool things to come in. That’s progress!

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 10:42pm

  444. 444: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:


    Ya, that makes a lot of sense to me. I can relate.

    Something that worked to help me get motivated today is, I concentrated on letting my boy energy take care of my girl. Like I had a romance going on inside of me. My boy was so focused on taking care of the practical things so my girl could relax this evening and lush out and read her books and blog.

    Also, I am trying to repeat the mantra to myself “feel good now”. It’s something Abraham says that our only job it to feel good now…right now…in this moment. So I just keep consciously redirecting my thoughts and focus to what feels good right now. I’ve been feeling lots of sadness today and this little mantra is really helping. If I notice myself going down a thought pattern that doesn’t feel good, I just keep redirecting it.

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 10:48pm

  445. 445: NikitaNo Gravatar says:


    A lot of my dating energy is being poured into this puppy.

    I did a lot of talking in the beginning with him…..and he would notice that when I was talking a lot I was nervous……as I began speaking less he perceived that as me relaxing and becoming more comfortable with him. He would just call me on it…..I wasn’t aware of it…..but I did :) the first defense is if I’m talking I’m not kissing 😉 and if we aren’t kissing I don’t have to worry about the other stuff lol
    So I feel like a house that is beginning to settle into it’s foundation after being built…..
    They are pretty fired up all the time and don’t need any stimulation-I find my silences to be more stimulating and intriguing for him- ha!

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 10:52pm

  446. 446: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    I know he changed his number but I also heard you say earlier today that you were feeling yourself letting go of him cuz you know you deserve to be treated better.

    I dunno though. What if you didn’t even let go of him per se but let go of the relationship you had. Just let that old dynamic between the two of you die but retain your live for him, as a human being as a kindred soul.

    Maybe even do a burial ritual where you cut the ties of your old relationship. Just let it all go so something new could can come in with him or someone even better.

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 10:54pm

  447. 447: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Oooo I feel excited about that! A ritual for letting go of the old dynamic between the two of you. That sounds exciting! How does it sit with you?

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 10:57pm

  448. 448: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:


    “They are pretty fired up all the time and don’t need any stimulation-I find my silences to be more stimulating and intriguing for him- ha!”

    yes yes yes! I feel so excited to try this!

    So u are a Scorpio? I thought cancer?

    I know this Scorpio man that is so damn sexy!

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 10:59pm

  449. 449: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Nikita: did u guess it was Jason’s birthday based on clues you picked up from how he writes his posts?

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 11:00pm

  450. 450: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    NS re 464

    wow! That feels like a really deep and profound discovery!

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 11:02pm

  451. 451: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Any ideas for the ritual? I dunno. It sounds like an opportunity to get creative.

    My friend buried all the items she had from him in the ground and the burned a candle on top of the “grave” and when it was done burning, everything was cleared.

    But maybe you could do something more symbolic. Like write all your negative feelings about the relationship on a piece of paper and burn it. And then have a birth celebration for the new relationship that is coming in.

    Maybe plant a seed that represents the new you you want to create and then water it and nurture it and watch it grow.

    Or….. There are so many possibilities!

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 11:08pm

  452. 452: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Wow! I’m still reeling over what you said about holding yourself back so you don’t outgrow him. I can see some aspects of that happening with me. I’m more interested in personal growth type things than my LI. It’s really my passion but I can see a part of me is scared to outgrow him and that may be why I’m feeling kinda stuck in my life right now. Feeling kinda bored.

    Thank you so much for sharing that. I know it was about you bit it really helped me as well. Thank you!

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 11:12pm

  453. 453: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    But…my guy isn’t all Aries …… I dated a few sun Aries men and they are busy!!! …… But not engaging them helps, I think it helps them to cool their busy little brains and just feel good……again, I encourage mine to burn off his excess energy. He has his “boy” stuff and I NEVER get in the way of that- it’s like when Cesar runs/exercises the dogs in the morning-in order to have their full attention the remainder of the day.
    Also, when he tells me about his day…..I just listen and nod. I ask maybe one question-usually for clarity-not for ego stroking….just sincere clarity. Because Aries will filibuster!!!!
    – I empathize, I use my facial expressions to say a lot of how I feel his words. Then I follow his lead. If he’s hungry I am available. If he wants to go for a ride, I am dressed and ready, if he wants to watch t.v. I may cuddle on the couch for a few minutes- but I will leave the room if I’m not interested( I presume he is decompressing mentally so I make space)

    Am I authentic? Am I authentic? Because sometimes we think- oh I’m mad…..when really we are just scared…..when thinking of Aries – I think hero. And warrior. And power.
    So….my guy does all killing of bugs :)
    My warrior! He also rescues the creatures I want to live and he frees them in the backyard :) my hero! And I try to always respect him. They seem to be hyper sensitive to respect- even if he is totally wrong I will hear him out- and try not to interrupt so that he is heard. After that ( I acknowledge his personal power) he seems very receptive to “being wrong”.(which he isn’t – I was just right) it takes about an hour-3 days max :) but it is worth it for me. I love the chivalry I get so laying my big leonine ego down is actually a pleasure. ——-disclaimer : it is not utopia but I like to think so.

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 11:13pm

  454. 454: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Life: re 439

    that’s awesome! So funny!

    “I only did this so I had a reason to call him”

    I can totally relate!

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 11:15pm

  455. 455: NikitaNo Gravatar says:


    Eat rabbit. Really, rabbit mends a broken heart. Have some rabbit. Worked for me.

    I like the ritual LG is suggesting too 😉

    But rabbit is good.

    Good for the heart.

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 11:18pm

  456. 456: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    So helpful Nikita. Thanks! I’ve never dated an Aries type guy. (Actually all the ones I’ve known before were waaaaay too caveman for me) so this is really helpful.
    What do you mean by filibuster tho?

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 11:19pm

  457. 457: NikitaNo Gravatar says:


    I suspected he was Libra……yes based on how he writes/thinks. I asked him a while ago and he said he was……I thought October but I had forgotten and wanted to wish him a happy bday before we move into Scorpio…

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 11:20pm

  458. 458: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    NS: I feel so excited about your discovery! It’s never too late to get started again. I hope you don’t beat yourself up about being stuck but just use it as an opportunity to move forward.

    I dot really know you that well but I think you are pretty amazing.

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 11:22pm

  459. 459: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    Filibuster is a political thing…..if you want to stop congress from doing something(vague, I know), you just stand on the floor-at the podium and talk them to death. Filibuster :)

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 11:24pm

  460. 460: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Rabbit? I’d be in to trying that. But where do you find it?

    I just got a crock pot. Maybe I could make rabbit stew.

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 11:25pm

  461. 461: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Holy sh*t!!!!!!!

    That’s exactly what he does. Exactly!

    If we have a disagreement, he talks me to death! Oh my goodness. I’m kinda freaking out right now hearing this.

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 11:27pm

  462. 462: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Wait…was the rabbit thing a joke? As in Glenn close.

    Don’t burn the mattress! Definitely don’t burn the new mattress.

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 11:29pm

  463. 463: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    The talking to death thing is torture when I really just want my feelings to be heard and acknowledged.

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 11:31pm

  464. 464: NikitaNo Gravatar says:


    I am serious about the rabbit!! :(

    It is like this cultural old wives tale or something…..I feel too sleepy to google :(

    Maybe it is Indian or caribbean- dunno but rabbit works :)

    I ate it, not knowing about this “lore” and it was around that time that I just stopped hurting and was able to really move on- and FYI – I do have the guy that “I was broken up over”…..but I dated plenty in-between our old relationship and the new one. But! I don’t know if I like your toxic man- cuz you named him toxic so I feel biased and want you to find / attract/ magnetize a new wonderful healthy emotionally -man (whew!run-on sentence!!)

    Eat the friggin rabbit already!!!!!!!! 😉

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 11:32pm

  465. 465: MeemeeNo Gravatar says:

    Meemee is feeling phenomenally low and upset!!!!!

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 11:39pm

  466. 466: NikitaNo Gravatar says:


    Oh yeah it was pretty rockin to get a new mattress set :)

    I say sage it !!!! A little sage smudge for cleansing the energy on the mattress and in the house…..followed by a little orange oil/ or fresh orange peels for yummy aromas :)

    As a Virgo I say put everything into a box. Wrap it in brown postal paper and tape it- address it if you want- maybe write the contents on an index card.
    Compartmentalization and order along with direction and a plan.
    Then I’d make some lists. What does this stuff mean, or how I feel about it, maybe take pictures of it in the box….more lists. And I believe this would be freeing for a Virgo. I don’t know why….. But I see it as good 😉

    You can burn the list later- or keep it….as the: I know what I don’t want section… now I have room for what I do want….and I am clear on what that is because now I am experienced- and,……. All of the stuff you list that you didn’t like about the toxic avenger you can say ” self, do I have these traits running in my subconscious somewhere?… can I clear out the receptors that attract us to this not really feel good but feel bad relating, c’mon self- where am I being like him….because once you see it go…we can stop the stuck/holding ourself back pattern that has been running for 17 years”…….

    With so much love and many prayers you’d never know,

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 11:44pm

  467. 467: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    I feel so sorry to hear that Mee Mee. Is there anything we can do to cheer you up?

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 11:45pm

  468. 468: GirlNo Gravatar says:

    I totally overfunctioned tonight by waving at a guy who I feel attracted to. Darn it!

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 11:46pm

  469. 469: GirlNo Gravatar says:

    It feels like a bubble is permanently burst…is that true?

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 11:48pm

  470. 470: NikitaNo Gravatar says:


    Yeah, there is no out talking them unless you want to cut that tongue out of their big heads……..and mine will EXPLAIN stuff…….stuff I already know too.Lol. Aaaw he can’t help it he doesn’t remember and he gets such a high having a rapt audience 😉
    Just acknowledge his brilliance and ask him to open a jar… :)
    Or say babe – like 5 times in a row….until he says huh?…… Then you will be heard ……. Hehehe….. But really they are great guys…..think speed demon meets gi Joe meets…….I dunno whoever yours met…… They are really easy to manage once you defer to them and lick your battles…..I go along with almost everything he wants but when it is suuuuuuuper important I put my little foot down and purr if I have to. Again, it takes about a 12 hour turn around for results so patience and trust is key- tell yourself he wants you to be happy and you will see that more often- but mine is Taurus too so your results may be quicker than what I get! Lololololol!!!!!

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 11:54pm

  471. 471: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    KS…..Hell no I’m not burning the mattress! I fully intend to walk away from this with something. Oh yeah….he left his new flat screen tv here too. HAHAHAHAHAHA

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 11:44pm

    Nice !!!!
    Hooray for the good things in life…..I’m liking him more already :)
    Youre a good man,Charlie brown :)

    Tuesday, 19 October 2010 @ 11:57pm

  472. 472: NikitaNo Gravatar says:


    I dunno. I love Bulls :)
    First bf,
    Fave cousin.
    Couple of best friends,
    A cat….
    Mmmmm……who else??? Lots of bulls in my life…
    I could be matador Nikita 😉

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 12:00am

  473. 473: NikitaNo Gravatar says:


    You are going to be in so much happiness this time next year… are just kicking a habit :)

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 12:01am

  474. 474: BarbinOzNo Gravatar says:

    #426 Brenda

    YES scammer alert!!! And notice how many of them have yahoo email addresses for some reason???

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 12:03am

  475. 475: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    Lg- lol

    eets…….I dunno whoever yours met…… They are really easy to manage once you defer to them and lick your battles…..

    Uh that should read “pick” your battles but I bet licking them works too 😉

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 12:05am

  476. 476: BarbinOzNo Gravatar says:

    #457 KS

    You may be by long lost twin :)

    Yes I read all this stuff all the time, too much of the time? And yet I do very little with it??? People tell me I am a smart woman, so why I am so slow at implementing the RR stuff?

    How are you feeling these past few days?

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 12:10am

  477. 477: MeemeeNo Gravatar says:

    Dear LG and KS
    Meemee needs a warm hug.
    Meemee wants to talk

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 12:11am

  478. 478: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Nikita: ya, I feel really lucky and happy to have him. He is so devoted and loyal. He can do relationship…as Rori says. I don’t remember ever being with a man who is so into me. And honestly, it freaks me out a bit. I’m so used to the drama and the chase…Overfunctioning, pining.

    It’s weird but it doesn’t even feel possible for me to overfunction with him. That’s just not the dynamic between us at all…which is so new for me.

    I don’t want to resist being in an easy, loving relationship. I feel the resistance melting away as we speak.

    It seems like you’ve got the technique for deal with these type of men down. I’m still learning. Lioness still reigns. Cultivating kitty cat still.

    He’s speed demon, gi Joe, meets Bob Marley.

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 12:14am

  479. 479: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Oh my, I feel exhausted! Must get some sleep.

    Goodnight Nikita, KnockSoftly, Mee Mee

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 12:24am

  480. 480: BarbinOzNo Gravatar says:

    #489 Meemee!!

    C’mon luv you are doing so well!! You have come such a long way in such a short time. Keep up the good work and blog on here to your hearts content, you are safe here on Siren Island :) (((HUGS)))

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 12:27am

  481. 481: NikitaNo Gravatar says:


    This reminds me to feel he’s lucky to have me 😉 and that is where the lioness still reigns. Sometimes I forget and think I’m lucky but that feels small and disempowering – so I cultivate the feeling of “he’s lucky”. And that brings me peace.
    Aries like backbone- your fiery Leo side is probably quite the turn on for the ram – or so I’ve been told 😉

    Need to sleep soon :(

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 12:28am

  482. 482: MeemeeNo Gravatar says:

    Kicking a habit of? Being happy? Keeping myself happy?
    Taking care of myself?
    Or kicking an old habit of getting trapped i ulpleasant memories?
    I wish the former were true!!
    Between, the chocolate guy gave me chocolates today also. He came to my room and offered chocolates and talked and before leaving the room said “Please find a house for me, please”. LOL :)
    You guys are right. I think he is taking me for a real estate agent and bribes me with chocolates. In my gmail I put my status “low”. I met him in the library and he asked “what happened? you need more chocolates?”. How funny!! I felt weird too. Someone who is talking to me only for a week, someone who is hardly my friend is asking me why I am feeling upset. It felt weird.
    Lots of love

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 12:28am

  483. 483: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Hugs to you Mee Mee! I know you are hurting right now. You are on the path though. The path to freedom and love. It takes a lot of courage! I feel really proud of you.

    Big hugs and head rubs!

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 12:29am

  484. 484: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    Hugs Meemee,
    Nite all

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 12:30am

  485. 485: MeemeeNo Gravatar says:

    Good night. Sleep tight

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 12:32am

  486. 486: MeemeeNo Gravatar says:

    Hugs and good night

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 12:34am

  487. 487: NikitaNo Gravatar says:


    Habit as in when we are with one guy for a time……it becomes a habit and sometimes an addiction…..showing lots of patterns that are familiar……you are moving out of your comfort zone and these could be called “growing pains”….

    Ok, I’m signing off- too sleepy.
    Good night again and have a great day at work!
    Do you have a plant? Can you get one?

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 12:38am

  488. 488: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Ggod night Barb. Didn’t see you there.

    Goodnight all!

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 12:45am

  489. 489: MeemeeNo Gravatar says:

    KS and BarbinOz,
    Thanks my dears. You made Meemee feel better and warm.
    I slept for only an hour last night. Now I am in office. Feeling drowsy because I am underslept, also because I am on medication for allergy.
    I think this is a compound feeling.
    1. I have got horrible hives on my neck. It burns and hurts.
    2. I am underslept
    3. Medicines are driving me crazy
    4. I feel worried about the allergy. It has been 2 months and not subsiding
    5. XX is not in office today. I should be feeling relieved. But I feel strange. In the last 18 days I have been sitting in the office and doing things to protect me from the emotional damage against him and to make me feel happy and good. He is not here today. That means I have got some extra energy. I think I am confused what to do with it. :) :). I know it might feel strange. But his physical absence confuses me because now I have nothing to fight against. LOL.
    6. I am going to my parents place today. I have my tickets booked. I am going for a week. When I go away I used to tell XX. I used to say tata and used to ask him for a hug and such silly stuff. This time it is not like that. It will never be like that. I have my boundaries. I have taken my decisions. So I felt empty.
    But, no matter what I feel and how I feel, I so deeply love and respect my boundaries and decisions. I am happy for those boundaries and decisions.
    Love you all

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 12:46am

  490. 490: BarbinOzNo Gravatar says:


    I hope you are doing better, your last posts sound a bit down……’s so weird how the thoughts can change once we have been “reeled in” at least that is how I am feeling about you, hope you feel much better and are able to turn the focus off Blondie and back onto yourself, your post reminds me of why I am soooo scared to start up this dating thing again, because I KNOW myself too well, not as interested in him at first as he is in me, then before you know it I have fallen hook, line and sinker and he is running for the hills with roller coaster rides of emotions (mine mostly) along the way, my God I so do not want to do that again……..

    It’s all very well using the RR tools and I do understand the reasoning behind them but we are also dealing with individual personalities here…………….mmmmm…..

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 1:26am

  491. 491: BarbinOzNo Gravatar says:

    A reminder to myself of what I have to learn so as not to be scared of getting reeled in yet again with the man running for the hills…..

    554: LonePlum says:
    Reminder to ME (myself lol)

    I am the focus.
    I do not wonder why a man did this or did not do this
    My job is not to see why he did whatever. My job is to wonder why I react in such a way to what he did. And to discover what it is I really want and really don’t want.
    The man is not important.
    A safe warm relationship is important.

    I don’t put my choice on any man unless I have known him for a long time and observed he is steady in his acts with me, and he proposes to me.

    Over all, I don’t put my choice on the first one who wants exclusivity.
    Is he putting ME number one priority?
    Is he respecting my wish to keep chaste?
    Is he only trying to have a girl friend fast until he meets his Mrs right, or is he really into ME, accepting the no sex situation?

    Give myself time to really cdating many men.

    Give myself a chance to really know myself through my reaction to each of my dates.
    I don’t know around which one I will feel safe and warm .
    Let them be who they are and just wait to see who I am.

    Do not expect them to call Me.
    If they do, fine, if they don’t, I forget them.
    Expectation is opposite to circular dating.

    Be my true self, be happy during the date, enjoy myself, they will feel it, they will want more.
    Don’t focus on what I have to say , that is a way to focus on him
    Don’t focus on how to make him feel he should see me again
    That is a way to focus on him
    enjoy MYSELF

    I may use the tools to polish my real “me”, but not to change my real “me”.
    The tools change Me’s attitude, not who she is.
    The tools organize what Me already feels coz she is such a mess. Lol
    But the tools do not make up new feelings, they simply point at the feelings she had long hidden somewhere inside the emotional soup.
    The tools gave Me a way to express her boundaries.
    And she learnt respect: to herself and to others.
    She stays out of men’s mind, she respects their boundaries.
    She does not ask “why”about a man, not even to herself.

    “Me” is “Me”, stable inside herself.
    Me inspires safety to men.
    No matter if my date likes my type of life or not, he feels good with Me.
    He might not call back because he thinks Me is not a match, but he respects the souvenir of Me.
    Because I was authentic to him, I was generous showing my soul, no small attitude like shyness or anything.
    Me did not try to take anything from him, Me was not expecting any particular outcome, Me was just in the moment, enjoying a night at the restaurant.
    He felt it.

    So after his mind took all the roads it needs to take, either he meets the love of his life and be it, Me did not waste her time dating him in the mean time, or he will call Me. He will need to make sure he did not miss a gem
    Either way, I don’t even think of it. I’ve got a life to live and men to meet.

    If Me was not generous that night, it is also FINE.
    Me notes down her real feelings, Me observes her reaction to the situation and Me digests the lesson she was meant to learn from it.
    Me wins in learning more about herself
    That’s why Me can never be wrong in whatever she does in her cdating
    And Me gets back outside, she gets a new date.
    Me tries to date several men, it is easier to keep her mind off each of the men when Me has to split her mind among them, plus her real life.

    A date is jut a date
    if the man stays in her life, she will be surprised
    but she does not expect him to stay.
    She is not a thief, meeting people with the intention to take something from them. (That’s how men resent her expectation)
    She is her own woman, she is meeting people just to feel her own vibes through her interactions with them.
    There will come a time when she will master her vibes
    That will be when Mr Right’s vibes will connect to hers and he will do everything he can to keep her in his life.

    C dating is about putting the focus on Me
    So my date has no way out, he puts the focus on Me too.
    When what he sees under the focus light is something he can’t handle or way too far from his own nature, he will not call back
    It only takes ONE to marry
    I only want ONE to call for ever.
    IT IS FINE if 200 dates do not call back, it only means none was a match for Me. It does not say a single thing about how valuable my life is.

    NOT taking anything personally is also very sexy. It keeps my doors open to Mr Right.

    Cdating is about getting rid of guilt trips of any sort.
    I am not misleading a man when I date many men.
    It is his own problem if he lives an imaginary relationship with Me.
    Me did not tell him Me loves him, Me did not tell him she wants to see him and only him, he is imagining his own relationship with her, she is not responsible for what is inside his mind.
    It is unhealthy for him to imagine he owns Me’s time and feelings , on the sole account he has taken Me to a restaurant 3 or 4 times.
    It is unhealthy AND it is HIS problem
    it belongs to inside HIS mind
    cdating is about NEVER assuming or even wondering what is inside a man’s head.
    If Me worries about what he might feel or think, she is putting the focus on him
    Keep the focus on Me

    C dating is about NOT trying to peep into a man’s mind and heart. It is private, taboo, we can’t do that. It is rude, it is a type of emotional rape. It makes them run sooner or later. Even if Me meant good, she still is stepping out of her mind to try to peep inside his mind.

    A man needs ME inside Her own mind if he wants to connect with her
    If Me keeps stepping out of her mind, his vibes will never reach anything and will die.
    He will try to send his vibes to another woman.
    That’s why cdating is a life style for ever , even after Me is married.
    C dating is about minding what is in Me’s own mind and never in his mind.
    It implies Me never wonders “why”

    “Why” means she wishes he was doing things the way she wants things to be
    1) she is judging him as a failure already, instead of accepting him
    2) she is expecting a square thing already.

    There is no room left for the real thing to happen.

    Me should stop wondering about “why” and she should allow men to surprise her with their own vibes.
    Me should stop expecting them to abandon their own self to match her own vibes.
    Loosers might do that and men trying to get something from her
    Me is happy she understood why she is not happy with the quality of the last man
    good men don’t even know how to abandon their own vibes.
    They are stable within their own self , the one they wish Me to feel.

    Me needs to wait inside her mind, focused on herself, for a man to send her his vibes. .
    He wants Me to feel him
    I suppose that’s what rori calls “to get him”
    He does not want Me to analyze what he does . He does not want Me to analyze what she should do to attract him.
    He wants her to stay centered inside herself
    keep the focus on Me
    What he does or feels is inside him hence it is taboo, don’t even take that road.
    What ME feels is inside Me hence it is casher lol she can work on it.

    OMG, that’ what they call an independent woman

    if Me worries about a man’s reaction, it might be she is not feeling safe and warm, so … “next”
    RR says love is easy, it makes Me feels good, warm, safe, happy, free.

    Me does not know him and Me is already asking “why” he is not phoning her.
    What does Me think it is telling her about herself?
    Why does she needs HIM in particular to call her?
    Me does not know what he can bring into her life, she has no idea of his ability to be safe himself and to share his safety;
    So why is he the one man she wants to hear from?
    Because there is nobody else around?
    That is dishonest to him and to her.
    He should be one of many men swimming around, minding their journey while Me minds her own life, safe on her island.

    What is Me’s flaw that she has the emergency to make a stranger repair that flaw?
    Any stranger or even an old boy friend who treats her bad?
    Me is expressing fear on her island, she needs a man to help her.
    Any man and quick
    The first one who will call back will do.
    Men are like women, they avoid danger if they can sense it
    No man will swim to her island unless the island looks safe to him
    She’d better get busy making her own island safe instead of wasting energy peeping into men’s mind, trying to figure out how to throw a net over them and pull them in

    From any perspective she looks a the tool “cdating”,
    it says the same thing
    Me needs to organize her mind before she can even hope to meet love.
    She needs to build a safe life for herself first
    she needs to overcome the feeling or emergency
    She needs to understand once and for all, stability and safety comes from inside her mind.
    Her own safety will attract love .
    She needs to be at peace with herself before she attracts true love.
    Conflict with herself= conflict with men.
    Focus on Me and on RESPECT
    She needs to take it easy, to feel cool
    a cool woman is sexy
    A well structured cool woman is a sex bomb
    She needs to respect men’s feelings and to stay out of their boundaries
    No suggestion of what he could do, no questioning why he does whatever. In fact, no questions at all.

    Questions are intrusions into men’s mind, it freezes them.
    Plus questions are opposite to cdating.
    Cdating is about focusing on Me, opposed to paying attention to what he does when he is not even in front of her

    So she stops the emails type ”hello, how are you doing or what are you doing”
    she also stops adding a friendly question at the end of the answers she sends back to them.
    it took her all these years to understand:
    NO questions

    She is detached, so logically, she does not feel curiosity, she does no ask.
    She is doing him a favor answering as it is, but that’s it.
    He needs to find what else to say , if he really wants to keep the convo going. But she must stop pulling the rug from under his feet, with her questions. Questions is an emotional castration.
    Who would have known?
    Questions are shortening the vital distance between the man and her. He panics away.
    She thinks she is getting it.

    She needs to overcome the need to KNOW everything, to control. Respect and trust for the other.
    Thus, she needs to also overcome the need to explain.
    No questioning, no explaining.
    all she needs is to be simpler a lot simpler.
    Stop feeling and thinking for others. It is none of her business.
    Stick to what he writes. Answer to it, don’t add anything, don’t step off tracks, don’t over do it.
    Listen to what he says, speak back in his same track, follow him, don’t take a new track by asking or explaining or advicing

    Dance, enjoy his leading.

    Respect the rhythm.
    Pay attention to the music we are dancing on.
    Stop my autistic attitude inside the couple
    lol Me used to think he was being autistic
    she needs to tell him she is sorry for having said that
    She is the psycho rigid one

    Cdating is really teaching who she is.

    She needs to stick to her own boundaries, no matter what
    She needs to give time to time
    She needs to enjoy the moment.
    She needs to feel alive
    She needs to be her own priority but with humility
    it means she is not expecting any man to make her their priority.
    She is aware they are their own priority as well, and she respects that.
    She feels cool when she meets them and she leaves.
    She knows, when she is ready, her vibes will make ONE man want to change his priority.
    It takes ONE

    Thursday, 7 October 2010 @ 9:24am

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 1:44am

  492. 492: BarbinOzNo Gravatar says:

    She knows, when she is ready, her vibes will make ONE man want to change his priority.
    It takes ONE

    I like this very much 😀

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 1:48am

  493. 493: BarbinOzNo Gravatar says:

    #519 Nikita

    Why do you ask Meemee to get a plant?

    Curious minds need to know :)

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 1:50am

  494. 494: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i think this man is draining my energy

    when can i come pick up my game (ive already texted him a few days ago that its fine whenever)

    hes leaving me texts like call me i need to talk to u

    i feel sad you choose to act like this

    honestly – i feel scared. i don’t really feel interested right now.

    i feel afraid and uncomfortable

    now hes texting me

    “i dont deserve this.”

    i feel drained!

    i feel afraid and i dont want this!!


    i just texted him

    i feel uncomfortable this doesnt feel good to me. i dont want to talk anymore i feel scared of it flipping bad on me.


    i feel scared

    of like, feeling bad or attacked or turned against or manipulated

    i just dont trust him anymore to hold it together emotionally


    i feel afraid to tell him … i dont want to be attacked!

    and his game is freakin here

    i don’t want to be worrying about this

    wat the hell



    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 2:03am

  495. 495: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    now he’s like

    “oh ill just get my stuff and be gone then, im gonna come there first thing in the morning (he knows i sleep in the morning im pretty sure) … you’re so ungrateful after all ive done or tried to do. i just said no and you get all butthurt”

    what has he done for me what is he talking about??

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 2:06am

  496. 496: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i told him i feel angry being talked to this way and i dont want this in my life. and that i sleep in the morning but if thats the only time i will let my family know to give him the game (i get the impression he thinks i would feel uncomfortable to have him meet my family so he’s trying to press me in a corner with that)

    so now he says… i dont want to meet your family this way.. your making it so difficult

    if you dont choose to speak to me with respect and understanding then i dont have to be a part of your life.

    i wrote back

    i am and will speak to you with respect. i don’t feel safe with seesawing between i love u’s and blame and attacks. i feel scared of this and dont want to date anymore. all respect.

    so now he writes:

    ok great. its easy for me to leave you cuz i didnt feel no affection from you anyway



    i dont want to deal with this…

    now i feel sad…

    well i felt sad before that

    im feeling angry and sad

    and scared…

    im tempted to say ohh i feel sad it would feel good to feel safe with you again

    ( i mean, that seems like way far from where we’re at, but hey)

    ok i actually tried saying that! + a what do you think

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 2:42am

  497. 497: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    my nv’s say i must be suffering from stockholm syndrome to even say that, but…

    im gonna say So What! and just keep sharing just how i feel in the moment anyway

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 2:45am

  498. 498: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    knocksoftly – compared to some of my toxic relationships, this is just my practice snack

    seriously, its super minor

    and i AM totally turned off…. yay!

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 2:57am

  499. 499: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i wrote:

    this doesnt feel healthy papi. i might feel open to seeing at a later time if things feel better.

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 3:02am

  500. 500: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i’m actually doing really great ! kudos for me! at not engaging in drama and feeling my feelings… i bet this is GREAT practice for me

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 3:03am

  501. 501: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Knocksoftly – i feel really supported to know that you relate to this.

    i am feeling good to know that, like you’re holding my hand and like i have a nice bed to fall into

    i was really fighting the urge to call my guy friend/interest, but since im really practicing NOT treating him as a friend, i thought it best to lean on Me and on women friends, and here you are speaking to me … thank you

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 3:05am

  502. 502: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    “people” are so crazay!! i feel wowed that i used to interact this way

    good, its easy to leave you, oh i want you to be with me

    i am feeling like awed that i am like, not participating in the drama

    this is really good!

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 3:08am

  503. 503: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    now he says: ok babe i wanna start over, i don’t want to be mad and i don’t want you to be mad, cant we just be happy?

    i said:

    that fls good to hear and i do want to fl cool w u and respected but im fln way diff now. I would need to fl trust and fl respected and safe before dating again.

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 3:17am

  504. 504: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    hes like: “and how can we make that possible?”

    i said: i dono. honestly it fls kinda hopeless but anything is possible

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 3:20am

  505. 505: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Im feeling good and smily now!!


    umm wow?



    feelings turn around So easily!

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 3:21am

  506. 506: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    now he’s says he’s willing to try that but he felt awkward doing it first or something (he’s talking about going down on me)

    im thinking… um… thats NOT what im concerned about at this point – cuz that is a deal breaker for me and i cried my goodbye tears earlier if you were gonna dissappear

    so i said:

    ohok. i feel glad to know that if we ever get that close again. i dont want to feel blamed or attacked by a man. i dont want to tolerate that. what do you think?

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 3:26am

  507. 507: MeemeeNo Gravatar says:

    I am also feeling emotional fluctuations-up and down, high and low. And at times I wonder whether I have made any progress at all. But i think it is natural to feel so. I have underestimated myself so much (sooooooooooooooooooo much) so that I can not believe I am capable of making any progress.
    I think that lies at the bottom of it. I was stuck with X for more than two and a half years and I have looked at him as a mirror to see myself. All I saw in that mirror (or all he showed me in that mirror) was a the image of a 27 year old woman who is emotionally off balance, who is too serious about herself, who is not cool about life, who is not capable of leading a normal life, who will compromise to any extent.
    Now when I look at myself in other mirrors, I cant bring myself to belive that I can be somthing other than what X showed me once. I must have changed, I must have made progress. But I can not believe that I made progress. I can not trust myself as a person who is capable of doing great things. I really really understand what you mean by saying you feel you are a fraud. I do feel so at times.
    I struggle with this conflict. I have raised my sense of self esteem in the last 3 weeks. But at times I fail to believe that I am a truly beautiful person. that I am capable of changing myself.
    And I always (can you belive always) fear deep inside me that I am so tremendously capable of falling back to my old patterns.
    I think I trust myself now, in this moment and in this space. This space and this time defines me. If I feel strong at this moment, if I feel capable of making progress this moment, I am capable of it. The fact that once I thought I am incapable of anything good should not be superimposed as a constant worry. I feel I am desrtoying the beauty of this moment by such superimpositions.
    I have lots and lots to learn. Lots. But I feel incredible grateful that I am in this space- I live in this space. I get comments and suggestions from you. I get support from you.
    And yes, I feel weird when I am behaved nice to. It was not something I am used to. I am ready to take the bad things (that is what I have been taking all these years from X). When something good is offered to me, I feel I am not ready for it. I doubt it. This is my huge pattern. I should break this pattern. I should belive that good things, best things can happen to me.
    yay! you are a virgo! me too.
    Love you

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 3:33am

  508. 508: JeannetteNo Gravatar says:

    I was just thinking about what I said in #429 and 432….I am looking for any thoughtful feedback here girls….thanks!

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 3:38am

  509. 509: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i like this:

    “We must combine the toughness of the serpent and the softness of the dove, a tough mind and a tender heart.” -Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr


    He says I won’t attack or blame you.

    i said:

    i feel better being talked to like this ty…. an i feel unsure. i felt kina betrayed. i dont want that to ever happen again and i feel afraid it will… its been like 30 sec

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 3:40am

  510. 510: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i feel insecure now. ufff…

    i feel so like … not really into this man… i would feel better maybe if he just went away… it feels like too much work to forgive him…

    but i dont have to do it right?

    its on him


    im gonna go to bed

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 3:42am

  511. 511: JenniferNo Gravatar says:

    you asked if anyone else feels thier IQ is high but EQ is not.
    HERE I AM!
    Social interactions make me nervous. Especially with men……………oh and women.
    People feel weird to me.
    They do shit that is illogical.
    Maybe we’re vulcan.
    I’m a geeek.

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 3:42am

  512. 512: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    maybe he heard my thoughts cuz he’s not answering now


    im feeling insecure now…


    this is NOT how i want to feel with a man

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 3:54am

  513. 513: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    im feeling uncomfortable, insecure and a lil afraid still… i don’t want to do stuff i don’t want to do just to “keep it cool” which is a pattern i’ve done when feeling abused in the past

    i would like help with healing this completely THANK YOU ANGELS!!!

    im craving like a different man attention to distract me from this heavy not so good feeling and i feel glad im not really reaching out

    tho i did tell toronto cd happy birthday on facebook, i dont think thats really a biggie for me tho, cuz i just happend to notice it said its his birthday in the sidebar

    it would feel great to feel SAFE, HONORED, PROTECTED, ENCOURAGED, and WORSHIPPED with a man…


    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 4:05am

  514. 514: RosaNo Gravatar says:


    Thank you all you kind and wonderful sirens for the supportive words about my breast investigations. I could feel those hugs clean across the pacific and beyond.

    Sadly it looks like I have cancer. I have been squished between plates, prodded , irradiated ,ultrasounded and then injected and cut today and have a big swollen bruised / bleeding breast where I had multiple core biopsies.
    The pathology wont be back for a week.

    I feel exhausted, I feel fearful , I feel so grateful for my family (sister and older son) who are looking after me. My meet up guy even called to suggest he wants to be a distraction for me when i am ready for whatever i want. he suggested an amusement park or bad cooking to take my mind off things. he sure is persistent :) I cant even think about that yet.

    It also was an opportunity to validate myself for being divorced from my ex husband. I texted him to say I was having breast cancer investigations and I would like my younger son to be with me tomorrow night (usually at his dads this week) . He did not reply till hours later when older son asked him did he get my message ? Yes he had. At last an sms arrived “yes he can go to you tomorrow” .

    I was married to this man for 16 years and share two sons 16 and 19 .The deadsh*t didnt even ask how I was or say sorry to hear that. I know there are worse situations out there and I feel so sorry for all of you who are with toxic or abusive or emotionally dead men. I feel for those with little money and no support . i want to hug you all girls. You know who you are.

    Good night Sirens. I am off to check insurance policies.

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 5:39am

  515. 515: BarbinOzNo Gravatar says:

    Oh Rosa I feel so bad for you, do you want to meet up for a coffee or a drink this weekend? I am in Sydney south (the Shire) and you can email me at if not, thats OK….I understand that you may need time out for yourself ((( HUGS )))

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 5:48am

  516. 516: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    LOL Knock Softly, I feel mega amused!! If you’ve only been here for 1.5 months then ur doing great!

    I’ve been here for TWO YEARS:P

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 6:11am

  517. 517: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @551: Rosa

    I don’t know you, Rosa, but we are all members of the sisterhood. Hugs to you. I’m going out for a short walk now and I’ll be sending you some positive energy and good vibes.

    Keep on keeping on.


    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 6:44am

  518. 518: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    545: Jeannette:
    “I was just thinking about what I said in #429 and 432….I am looking for any thoughtful feedback here girls….thanks!”

    Hi…Feedback: I’m not sure what the “issue” is. Is it possible you are feeling nostalgic about both guys but neither is “the one?”

    We were discussing happiness earlier…Jeannette, what things make you happy? Where do these guys fit in?

    My two cents is that you are not ready for a speedy marriage.


    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 6:50am

  519. 519: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    RE: #432 – It seems like God has put something in your spirit about the synchronicity of it all. Only you and God know, probably. Could it be His confirmation of you and your current squeeze? No matter what things look like, you AND he are whole, complete, and lacking nothing. God only sees things in perfection.

    Are there more details that could show me more clearly the dynamics going on between you and him? And you and Him? :-)

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 6:52am

  520. 520: life_is_too_short_to...No Gravatar says:

    551. Rosa

    I don’t know you, Rosa, but we are all members of the sisterhood. Hugs to you. I’m going out for a short walk now and I’ll be sending you some positive energy and good vibes.

    Keep on keeping on.

    What she said.


    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 6:58am

  521. 521: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    RE: #443 – You said, “Daria, what felt directive about it? I feel fear that I will never find a way to communicate my feelings so they will be heard. I don’t know if this is a Gemini thing or what, but it’s huge for me to feel heard. It drives me crazy when I’m not. Maybe I should just give up on it. Maybe it’s just about me hearing myself. I dunno.”

    LG, I felt very receptive to most of your messages. It did not feel directive to me. I am the one with whom you were having a conflict. I think you have a very good handle on feeling messages. I think what is important is to convey what you want while the other person does not shut down. I went from feeling shut down to feeling open and communicative BECAUSE OF your messages.

    And I thank you for that!!

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 6:59am

  522. 522: life_is_too_short_to...No Gravatar says:

    Daria your processing around toxic man is helping me with my feelings around mine, and what i had asked about last night….

    and i realized that offering a suggestion about where to meet is still controlling and directing the situation….he does not respond to that very well anyway… and he’s a taurus too

    so when he asks when he can come visit, i will say i don’t feel quite comfortable with that yet,

    i need to feel more trusting and sure of our feelings about each other and how we are fitting into each other’s lives

    I want to feel safe and happy and respected first before we visit each other at our homes

    I am making a commitment to working with myself not to explain so much, but to share feelings

    Everyone’s processing is SO helpful

    I do feel supported here, even if not so directly..

    been feeling a little like Glenn Close…ignored

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 7:09am

  523. 523: life_is_too_short_to...No Gravatar says:


    I am working with a sentimentality and nostalgia and comfort zone level with this old sweetheart too.

    Sentiments (feelings) = good

    Sentimentality in relationships = be careful!!

    the way you described him not wanting to help you with the turkey and not making an effort to talk with your children did not sit well with me.

    My initial impression was “this man will not “do” in a pinch” when the day comes when YOU might really need HIM to. But…..then again, he could surprise you

    i’m really feeling like a lot of this relationship stuff is a gamble and a leap of faith is sometimes required, but for those of us like you and I, being clear on our boundaries and our shadow stuff is really important.

    Shadow stuff doesn’t mean it is “bad”, it just means we are not aware of it. When we’re aware of it we can use these things in a positive way. For instance, i commented that i perceive Jennifer here as “dramatic”. She hears that and immediately thinks of her mother criticizing her, and as if it is a flaw or a fault.

    But… when the light is shined on it, and she sees how this amazing quality can be used to motivate, inspire, create enthusiasm…then it’s not so bad and negative anymore, and actually GOOD and positive

    I am still trying to figure out if I would have flushed this old flame long distance man out a long time ago, or if I would have truly felt a connection…. if it wasn’t for that “first love” experience….i really don’t know that yet

    the feelings were imprinted on us in a very deep way…they were the yardstick for every other romantic relationship that came after

    but, i guess that is neither here nor there — it is what it is—

    I’m learning and growing and practicing so much though and neither of us seem able to walk away at this point, so i’m just going with it

    i think it is amazing that we are in each other’s lives again,

    i just don’t know if we are in the same “place” as far as valuing personal/spiritual growth and that’s important to me….and i really don’t want to have to work so hard at this that it drains all my energy…

    I have not given up on CDing!

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 7:32am

  524. 524: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    RE: #551 – I am sad to hear they said you have cancer.

    I highly recommend Dr. Lorraine Day,, who had a grapefruit sized tumor between her breasts and found healing.

    Here’s another website for you:

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 7:34am

  525. 525: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    RE: #551 – I am sad to hear they said you have cancer.

    I highly recommend Dr. Lorraine Day, dr day dot com, who had a grapefruit sized tumor between her breasts and found healing.

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 7:36am

  526. 526: tinqueNo Gravatar says:

    Rosa – xxoo

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 7:38am

  527. 527: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @416: knocksoftly:
    “Ok Sirens…..Please teach me about this “DATE YOURSELF” thing. I don’t wanna feel sad anymore so I gotta start somewhere!”

    @422: knocksoftly says:
    “Thanks Rose. Hmmmm….I feel weird. Going to have to learn what makes me feel good. Ok….I can do this.”

    You are advancing at lightning speed! I plan to take months and months exploring my interests and learning about relationship building and dating options.

    Here are some resources I’m using for dating myself:

    For scouting possible interests and rediscovering some old ones, the “for Dummies” books are good. Just looking at the titles might interest you in somethning new.

    The Meetup organization for new interests, new people. I haven’t attended any of these yet but I was checking it yesterday.


    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 7:46am

  528. 528: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    How can I know if a CD is a scammer? I have always heard if something sounds too good to be true, it probably is. His pictures are drop dead gorgeous. I am going to post the email returned to me from the guy whose profile I posted last night. I will call him TWT. He gave his full name in the email. That to me is a red flag because why would someone do that if no trust has been built yet? He lives in the US, far away from me, but he says his job takes him travelling all over the world. That is another red flag to me. He could be a scammer and just say he’s traveling for his job. Yet another red flag I see is when he tries to emote compassion by saying his parents died in a car crash. I have come across scammers before who always have a sob story. This is kinda long, sorry about that, but I wonder if anyone has any insight before I respond to him?

    I’m TWT, 44 years old live in XXX, USA, I have been divorced 2yrs ago I caught my ex wife slept around with friends of mine that is sucks but what goes on comes around and things happen for some reasons..I raised and brought up from Caribbean Island Bahamas I moved to CA in 1999 I’m the only child of my parents I lost my both parents in Car accident when they are traveling to Mexico for a wedding ceremony…Life is full of happiness, I believe it’s One life to live…I am not looking for booty call or one night stand sex my son he is 10yrs old I enjoy boating, hiking, camping,fishing, nature, walks on the beach, sunsets, movies, music, cooking, and quiet nights at home. I’m a Contractor working as a petroleum refining consultant for a large multinational corporation. I travel to Europe,Australia-New Zea land, and Asia on work-related assignments. I am a God fearing man, with good morals and values am honest I do not cheat or play games, I can’t stand seeing some one been intentionally hurt I have had my heart broken before and will never pass that kind of pain to a woman I’m a simple man with a big heart you will find that i am very caring, understanding, patient,loving and kind. I am full of passion and romance, and have an endless amount of love to offer the right woman I’m searching to find that one woman that will take my breath away, the one woman that I can never stop thinking of for any reason, the one woman that the mere whisper of her name brings a smile to my face

    She must be not only my best friend, but also my soul mate. My commitment to this woman will be till the end of time when i find her asking her hand in marriage is all i ever hope for, I must tell you that I am also old fashioned in my beliefs and would defend and protect this woman at any cost for any reason. I believe that a woman should be able to look up to her man for protection, for well being, and for strength. I intend on fulfilling these roles without failure, I will be this one special woman’s knight in shinning armor.

    This special woman will know that I am deeply in love with her, for I am the type of man that showers her in my love, Whether it be flowers, gifts of candy or jewelry, or just a simple “I love you” and a kiss, she will always know she is loved and appreciated. I hope to have caught your attention with this letter, and would like to discover who you really are, and how much love you have inside of your heart after been heart broken, For you could be the woman i am searching for.

    The only person that truly knows that answer is God himself. I am willing to take the chance and see, if you are willing to get along. Someone once told me “It is better to have lived life and regret what we have done, than to never have lived and regret doing nothing.” I believe this to be true. If you decide that you are interested in discovering the real me and seeing if I’m the man you are searching for, please write back to me. I will patiently be awaiting your letter.I am looking forward to your response soon.

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 7:51am

  529. 529: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    I just googled his name and it came up in Romance Scam dot com! Guess I will search no more.

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 7:59am

  530. 530: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    565: Senior Lady Vibe says: “Uh-oh, was it something I said? I’ll take out the u r l s–They are entirely innocent and helpful.”
    Your comment is awaiting moderation.

    this is what i wrote
    @416: knocksoftly:
    “Ok Sirens…..Please teach me about this “DATE YOURSELF” thing. I don’t wanna feel sad anymore so I gotta start somewhere!”

    @422: knocksoftly says:
    “Thanks Rose. Hmmmm….I feel weird. Going to have to learn what makes me feel good. Ok….I can do this.”

    You are advancing at lightning speed! I plan to take months and months exploring my interests and learning about relationship building and dating options.

    Here are some resources I’m using for dating myself:

    For scouting possible interests and rediscovering some old ones, the “for Dummies” books are good. Just looking at the titles might interest you in somethning new.
    dummies dot com

    The Meetup organization for new interests, new people. I haven’t attended any of these yet but I was checking it yesterday.
    meetup dot com


    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 8:00am

  531. 531: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    Putting in websites sometimes puts the post into moderation.

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 8:10am

  532. 532: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    567: Brenda says:
    “I just googled his name and it came up in Romance Scam dot com! Guess I will search no more.”

    I saw your post before I went out for coffee and I’d planned to ask about it. It looked OK, good really but this second one you posted seems to be too much for just the first or second email. Too much information.

    I would expect a guy to write a line or two about himself and then maybe some interaction or something kind of light. Are my expectations not on the mark? I don’t know what to expect.

    What comes next? A plea for money? marriage and immigration? This is icky. How much of this is out there and are there any particular sites that are shark infested?

    I’m going to take a look at the web location romance scam…


    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 8:10am

  533. 533: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Nikita and Knocksoftly,

    I like rabbits. They are soft, warm, furry, cute, and gentle. I feel nauseated talking about eating them. I don’t like superstition.

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 8:11am

  534. 534: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    I am sick of these people wasting my time! Ugh! A friend of mine followed it through to completion, spending a couple weeks emailing a man like this, who was a scammer.

    He begged her over and over for money to treat his poor, sick daughter, who was sick in the hospital. He was totally shameless about it and didn’t stop, even after she told him emphatically she didn’t have a job or money.

    Most of them are from Nigeria, from what I’ve been told by a state cop and by experience. Usually they have bad grammar and spelling, which is why I gave this one a second look, because it looked well written. I keep saying I am giving up on internet dating. This is it. I’m thru.

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 8:15am

  535. 535: GigiNo Gravatar says:

    Brenda: IMO have to spot a scammer

    I have found that he will always:

    1. live out of town (not that all out of town guys are scammers…)

    2. Will be quite pleasing to the eye

    3. Have obvious grammatical errors in his letter

    4. Always mention how lovely you are but in a generic way

    5. Talk about how important God is (not that God is not important…)

    6. In first or second contact try to get you to email him outside of the dating network

    7. Are overly into you before they know you at all

    8. If you asked him a personal question, he will never answer because it is written for any woman, not for you

    I’m sick of scammers! But, now that I see the formula, I do not contact when I see the above.

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 8:16am

  536. 536: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    Thank you! That helps! And I think that is a good list of guidelines to protect us. This man didn’t meet all of that criteria, but most. And I just deleted all my online dating memberships but POF. The only reason I’m keeping that is because they have monthly gatherings. I am cool with meeting men in person. Not from Nigeria. Thanks!

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 8:29am

  537. 537: GigiNo Gravatar says:


    I feel good that you found my scammer list helpful! It doesn’t feel good to realize you are communicating with a scammer!

    As far as online dating goes, I probably need to redo my profile because I”m not getting many responses right now. However, I’m on a new weight loss diet and feeling great. When I’m finished I”m going to take new pics.

    I think about deleting my profiles too, but then it also feels good to have my shingle out there because I feel like one never knows how he will find me!

    Enjoy this day sirens!!!


    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 8:41am

  538. 538: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    Congratulations on your weight loss!

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 8:54am

  539. 539: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    TWT wrote back after I wrote:

    Hello TWT,

    You sound wonderful. My Dad always taught me that if it sounds too good to be true, it probably is.

    I googled your name and it came up in www dot romance scam dot com.

    What do you think?


    TWT: That is not my picture. I googled one pic from the site, you can ask me anything to prove you wrong

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 8:58am

  540. 540: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    Dude is SUCH a scammer haha
    Go Brenda for figuring him out.

    The red flag to me was saying he has a job that takes him all over as a consultant, which requires some sort of education. So even though he is foreign from the Carribean – they still use PUNCTUATION in his language. Something he must have slept through in scammer class.

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 9:17am

  541. 541: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @577: Brenda says:
    “TWT: That is not my picture. I googled one pic from the site, you can ask me anything to prove you wrong”

    The incredible nerve! And it sounds so stupid for him to write that excuse!



    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 9:25am

  542. 542: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @578: Dorothea says:
    “So even though he is foreign from the Carribean – they still use PUNCTUATION in his language. Something he must have slept through in scammer class.”

    I noticed that also and a misspelled word or two…


    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 9:27am

  543. 543: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    I like that “scammer class” instead of “grammar class”! LOL! Have you started your classes yet?

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 9:29am

  544. 544: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @Brenda @Dorothea

    Have either or you attend meetup dot com meetups? It looks interesting, for meeting people, for fun…


    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 9:30am

  545. 545: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    And so Brenda’s long time effort at internet dating draws to a close. I had told myself one last effort and that’s it. That’s it.

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 9:30am

  546. 546: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    SLV – I’ve been meaning to get involved in that! I think it sounds terrific! Right now I am busy getting plugged into my new church, where I hope to meet a good man. Otherwise I’d be there! You can’t scam nearly as easily when you are there in person, eye to eye. And there are any number of local clubs and groups to become involved in, for almost any interest! So that is where my time, money, and energy are going from now on.

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 9:32am

  547. 547: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    Ooops 😳 That’s why I can’t tweet…my tweets look like they’re from a Nigerian scammer.

    @Brenda @Dorothea

    Have either of you attended meetup dot com meetups? It looks interesting, for meeting people, for fun…


    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 9:33am

  548. 548: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    Brenda, I don’t want you to shut down your profiles. The thing is, you’re calling it an “effort.” Perhaps that is the problem. It should be NO effort whatsoever. You lean back, and reject or welcome whatever is presented to you. In the case of this scammer, EHHHHH *buzzer sound* NEXT

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 9:34am

  549. 549: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    I feel energetic enough to google :)

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 9:34am

  550. 550: Simply ShannonNo Gravatar says:

    Really quick fly-by post!

    Rosa: I’m praying for you! I’m really sorry to hear that you might have cancer. Praying for the results to come back as no cancer. (((HUGS)))

    LG: Thank you for responding with feedback earlier! I did read it. You reworded something of yours and I was like wow, my whole body shifted reading it. I could feel the difference. I want to find it again and write it down for future use.

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 9:37am

  551. 551: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    I attended a meetup for karaoke but it wasn’t through meet up. My friend was the DJ for the karaoke and I would go to support him. Everyone was nice and cool, though!

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 9:38am

  552. 552: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @584 Brenda

    I thought I would try that and also Cl even though it looks like pen island sometimes… 😆 because I don’t mind meeting someone right away and having a coffee. I don’t know yet how all this works but I figure a couple of emails and then a phone call if a guy sounds all right then a couple of coffee dates if he asks…

    I was kind of thinking of doing a meet up blast to gain momentum. I like auto pilot stuff so don’t have to think about it so much; over 100 days I’d schedule meetups every other day or twice a week and see what happened…

    What do you think?


    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 9:42am

  553. 553: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    I feel so excited. Had a small victory today!!!

    When I heard LI was going out of town for a week, I initially felt sad but then I turned it around an decided I was going to use the time to give my life a facelift by incorporating some healthy new routines, actually I like to call them rituals, into my life.

    I have a lot of rituals that I want to start doing and I decide the first one I would focus on is first thing in the morning, I will get up and take a shower and beautify myself.

    I feel weird saying that because it pretty basic but I know it’s going to be crucial in transforming my life right now.

    I work from home so I can get up and work in my pj’s if I want….which I usually do. And then the day starts happening and I find I don’t really get ready until I have to leave the house to go do an errand and then it takes forever to get ready.

    And I know I would feel better if I was showered up and ready to go first thing in the morning, even if I’m just staying home and working.

    So today was the first day of starting this routine and I got up and did it and I feel awesome. I feel ready to engage with the day. I feel confident. I feel so good!

    Some other rituals I want to incorporate are eating breakfast every morning, keeping my closet and clothes clean and organized, drinking lots of water.

    It’s weird. I really wanted to create this life where I have tons of freedom. And I have. I don’t really have to be anywhere at any time. I can work whenever I want. Lots of freedom. But I’m finding there is a downside to it to. And now I can to create my own personal structure into my life which doesn’t come naturally to me.

    I feel really good building this healthy structure into my life. I know it’s going to actually give me more freedom because the basics will be taken care of. I won’t have to think about them. And then I will feel free to jump on fun opportunities that come up.

    I feel very excited about this small victory!!!

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 9:46am

  554. 554: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    It IS an effort because it is emotionally and financially draining. In the past 6 months, I’ve spent about $100 on various dating sites. That is a lot of money to me. But more than anything, it’s emotionally draining to get your hopes up and have the dashed, time and time again. And that was at the core of the heart-f*cking Ryan put me through last year. I am too emotionally fragile. I felt totally hopeful and excited about 10 days ago after talking with Gentle Man on the phone three times in one day. He lives only about 45 min from me, and he reminded me so much of Ryan. He said we would have a date last weekend. He called me Sat and it went to voicemail cuz I was with my family for a birthday. I called him back and left a message and that was the end of it.

    It’s not just 6 months I’ve been trying. Outside the time I was married to Kenny, I was internet dating extensively since 1999. It is possible. But I am through with it. My time and energy are so limited to begin with, since I need more sleep than the average person (sleep apnea and excessive sleepiness, medical conditons for which I’m being treated). Besides, I NEED to get out and be around live people. I’ve given it more than a fair try. Thanks, tho!!!

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 9:51am

  555. 555: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    Congratulations on your new life and new rituals! That all sounds very healthy!! If you don’t mind my asking, what kind of business do you run? I am seriously looking into starting my own business.

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 9:53am

  556. 556: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Brenda: thanks for your feedback. I feel happy that the way I worded my post didn’t cause you to shut down and helped create connection between us. That feels good.

    But I also want to be able to address the issue that caused me to feel upset in the first place. Not with you right now. I feel okay with letting that go. It’s not a big deal.

    But in the future or with a man, I want to be able to communicate that something doesn’t feel good and I’m not okay with being talked to in a certain way. In our situation, the tension was diffused but the event that triggered me in the first place was never really addressed. And even though I feel happy that there’s not tension between us, I still feel a little sad that my concerns about being talked to that way weren’t addressed.

    Like I said, I’m not trying to rehash that with you right now bit it’s important for me to be able to have my feelings acknowledged.

    Just to reiterate this isn’t about you. But I did feel triggered by what you said because it reminded me of the way I have been spoken to in the past.

    Oooo, I hope all this makes sense. I was using what you said to Nikita to practice finding a way to communicate and the connection between is feels good but my original concerns were never addressed.

    Ooooo I feel like I’m rambling. Does this make any sense?

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 10:00am

  557. 557: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Rosa: sending love and healing vibes to you!!!!

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 10:01am

  558. 558: so confusedNo Gravatar says:

    I have a problem I need help with Ladies. I recently took a new position at my job and work with 13 women in an office enviroment and we assist Pilots ( who are mainly men). Some of these women have befriended and are very possessive over some of these men. I wasnt aware of this and I clicked right away with one guy, just as friends, but we have similar personalities and sense of humors in common and he was fun to be around. He gave me his cell number and we joked back and forth some thru text messages and some actual phone calls too. It was truely just friends between us. He made alot of eye contact with me when we worked together and we made eachother laugh and smile. This rubbed some of his other friends (some of those women) wrong and they began to cause conflict between us. One of them sent him a text message one night before he arrived that I was bragging that I had his number and calling him a which I wasnt. He came in and made a beeline for me and lamblasted me, which when he found out she was blowing smoke he then appologized for his behavior. I told him he really hurt me and he said he knew that and wouldnt ever do that again. Then another of those women took that said arguement to my boss and said it was a lovers quarell. I was then pulled into the office for 90 minutes and questioned about my relationship with him and how the company frowns upon this. i told my boss we were just friends period. The net night she pulled him into her office and asked the same things, which was a huge no no on her part because he is not in her jurisdiction. He answered the same and seemed shakin by the whole thing. Long story short we now are not even on talking terms, he basically told me he wants no contact or friendship with me at all not even small talk in the office. It is so akward when we both are at work and he has once again lashed out on me when Im not at fault or in control of. He is still friends however with the ones who started all this. Help me ladies..

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 10:03am

  559. 559: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    SS: I feel happy that I was able to reword it in a way that felt good to you. I feel curious which thing it was I said that felt different in your body. Thanks for being open to working through that with me.

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 10:05am

  560. 560: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    Yay LG that is awesome. I am trying to spend more time on taking care of me, too:) The first thing I did was make showering and looking good a priority, even though I can get away with bumming around (casual office). Then I washed ALL my clothes and organized them and my jewelry and shoes. It looks amazing.
    The other thing is making sure I eat breakfast. I’ve prioritized packing a breakfast over packing a lunch if I don’t have time to do both. I can go out for lunch but that’s harder to do with breakfast. There are so few healthy choices for breakfast out.

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 10:06am

  561. 561: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Brenda: thanks! I feel excited. It’s such a small thing but I know it will make a difference. I do graphic design from home. I feel excited for you to start your own business. What ideas do you have in mind? There are some companies that you can work for that will let you work from home too

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 10:09am

  562. 562: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Yes Dorothea! Sounds like we are focusing on the same type of things.

    How do you feel now that you have incorporated these things into your life?

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 10:11am

  563. 563: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    I feel wonderful. I always prioritized drinking lots of water or at least mate (a caffeinated tea from the rainforest) instead of coffee. I also cut out dairy and I have almost clear skin for the first time in my life. I am focusing on using marijuana instead of alcohol to unwind if necessary. I feel great and look great.

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 10:16am

  564. 564: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    Sorry, I mean I ALSO prioritized the water thing.

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 10:17am

  565. 565: DeniseNo Gravatar says:

    Rosa- healing thoughts your way. Take care of YOU. Don’t waste a minute of your precious time thinking of negative things or negative, jerky ex’s who are selfish.

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 10:17am

  566. 566: DeniseNo Gravatar says:

    Jason & Jacqueline- Very nice interview! Congrats. And the new site looks awesome!

    I especially like:

    “In the context of attraction between a man and a woman, a congruent voice will always be far more attractive since it carries the power of authenticity, emotion and vulnerability with it. ” Well said.

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 10:43am

  567. 567: Turtle GirlNo Gravatar says:


    I can really relate to what you said about having a lot of free time and how that affects us. I too ab self employed and I have my days and nights 24/7 almost to do exactly as I please. That sound like a dream job/life/etc. but in reality – while it is wonderful- it also comes with a HUGE amount of responsibility.

    I am it.

    I am the sole motivator. I am the sole everything.
    My schedule is not dictated by a job or a boss or other constraints and that makes it very easy to just eff off all day or sleep till noon, or watch movies for three day sin a row, or just dilly dally around doing nothing or sit on this blog all day or ? None of these things is wrong or bad, but it also allows to to think too much about all the men…..or how stuff is all wrong in my life or…..any various other things that are not good for me. I can and do have some routine, I go to the gym. I work in my garden (except now it’s fall so not so much) and I have things to do. But it can be challenging. This kind of freedom can be rough if not attended to properly.

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 11:03am

  568. 568: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Dorothea: my skin also cleared up when I stopped drinking coffee. I only did raw dairy for a long time which really works for me. Luckily I lived in Hawaii and now California where raw dairy is legal. I’m finding that I can handle regular dairy too now. I’ll use a little half and half in my chai or eat regular yogurt. I think the raw dairy helped my body to be able to process regular dairy because it has all the enzymes intact.

    I’m also proud to say that I am a legal medical marijuana patient. It is prescribed to me for migraines. I use it in moderation of course. Don’t drink alcohol really at all. It just doesn’t agree with me. I’ll have a sip of a friend’s beer now and then but very rarely.

    I already feel so much more productive today than normal. I’ve been cleaning the house, doing laundry. I’m going to give away a bunch of my old clothes so that my closet if filled only with items that I love.

    I’m finding that as I clean, I am judging myself a bit for letting things get so messy. I’m really trying to not do that though. And keep repeating my mantra “feel good now”.

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 11:07am

  569. 569: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    I was self employed for 2 years and was able to work from home for even more than that. In the end, I don’t like the freedom. I don’t focus enough. I need structure. I was miserable, even though I managed to be financially successful from it. I wasn’t successful in any other way. I would work in the middle of the night to make deadlines because i effed off all day long.

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 11:08am

  570. 570: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    LG, sometimes I wonder if I have multiple personality disorder and you’re just me.

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 11:14am

  571. 571: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    TG and Dorothea:

    Ya, having all that freedom is a blessing and a curse. I’m actually turning down work because I don’t have time for it all which kind of bums me out. Financially I could use the money that extra work would bring in. The way it stands now, I am just getting by. Structuring my life so that I have time for the extra work would help me get ahead and save some money.

    It feels really good that you all understand my challenges. :-)

    thanks for the support!


    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 11:16am

  572. 572: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Ha ha Dorothea! I know what you mean!

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 11:18am

  573. 573: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    I feel okay with not always being congruent. Actually I am congruently incongruent. I am a diverse being with many different aspects of my personality. That’s authentic for me.

    I love that about myself.

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 11:23am

  574. 574: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    I don’t work, and I am finding what helps me is Asking my guidance often what is good for me right now. At first I did feel icky or sick.

    Something I like now is listening and singing along to a spirit song in the morning.

    Working out is great.

    As is cooking.

    As is singing period.

    Smoking mj is great, and I often find myself having a much easier time dancing and doing intense stretching after having smoked.

    It really feels good to set an intention for it, usually for me it’s to learn something about myself.

    It hasn’t really come my way in awhile, now I wouldn’t smoke it at home as my mom is here and my guess is she would feel uncomfortable. But there’s the option of going out with my bike, which I do everytime I go out.

    Other stuff I do is vacuuming, reading online, checking my online chats and profiles, searching for pretty art online, and almost infallibly, reading and writing on a certain womens blog.

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 11:26am

  575. 575: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    O ails drink lots of filtered water, and eat natural food.

    And meditate, do hypnosis, and practice energy techniques.

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 11:28am

  576. 576: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Nikita – my parents went to Italy where they ate a lot of rabbit. They did come back a lot happier looking… Seriously.

    I feel glad you shared this rabbit cure. They have rabbit at most fancy French restaurants around here.

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 11:33am

  577. 577: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Life – I feel thrilled to hear your new plan about communicating with your man. It sounds feminine and lovely.

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 11:37am

  578. 578: jacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    @ Denise – thank you so much! It was nice of you to visit, I loved the explanation of congruent.

    @ Jeanette – you sound so sad; I feel sad too. All my old guys are my friends, but I’ve decided they are also my past. So I think that if you look at your daydreaming, your imaginings….do they focus on your past, or your future? If it’s your past, maybe this man is right for you and your future. Just remember you have and are at choice with it and maybe you’ll feel better.

    @ Rosa, I’m glad you have found the comfort for you here!

    Take care, everyone!


    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 11:47am

  579. 579: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Daria: ha ha

    “and almost infallibly, reading and writing on a certain womens blog.”

    yes, me too :-)

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 11:57am

  580. 580: Simply ShannonNo Gravatar says:

    I feel so relieved hearing struggles about working from home. I feel blessed to have this option but some days I feel almost too free with my time. (I submit all daily blog posts as evidence.) It feels difficult to stay focused when I don’t have anyone breathing down my neck.

    But I would not choose to be back in the office for anything. I wonder what it would be like to work from home doing something I really love and felt highly motivated to do.

    NVs screaming at me now – “you’re just lazy.”

    Oh and cleaning out closets – LG, that same NV talks to me too. “All this stuff, too much to do at once, you’ll never get it cleaned up, how did you buy all this crap, think of all the money you wasted.” Blah, blah, blah. Yeah bite me NV. 😎

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 11:57am

  581. 581: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Suck it nv’s!

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 11:59am

  582. 582: NikitaNo Gravatar says:


    thx. the rabbit was way better than the frog legs (my opinion) and the escargo(yech!)….. the texture is good….and it is super lean! I won’t eat veal tho-italians seem to love their veal…I can’t. but I would have rabbit again. and def. if my heart was hurting. I love hearing about your parents coming home happy :) from Italy…I dream of going to Italy (with a man I am already having sex with) and now I know to look for the rabbit-i bet the Italians do it goooooood :)


    Congrats! thx for reminding me…I haven’t “put on my face yet!” and sweetums came home!!!! (i feel so ……plain!)

    Rosa….. aw… I wish you the best! and I hope you have the best cathartic breakthrough experience (or find out that it is not cancerous at all) fingers crossed! …..but….. all things work together for good. ……feels empowering to say here.

    Barb…. Hi :)
    my condolences and the plant suggestion is just something that helped me when I felt confined to one room…it’s like living hope….a pet…or a friend….it also gives us a place to direct our love….

    no worries, all is well(hug)
    – and I used to be a vegetarian….now that I eat meat…. I like trying lots of different stuff 😉

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 12:01pm

  583. 583: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Cleaning out my purse. Really? Do I really need to keep all these receipts from the grocery store? I wonder what would happen if I just threw them away at the store? Do I really need to bring them home with me?

    It would probably feel so great to leave them at the store. I mean I never use them again.

    Another new habit in the creation. Feeling quite excited about this one. And a little scared.

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 12:04pm

  584. 584: life_is_too_short_to...No Gravatar says:

    I feel overwhelmed

    I feel out of control

    I feel like i am in a bizarre invisible bardo

    I don’t want to do anything

    i feel angry and insulted, because HS LD man said that i “need” the passion he brings into my mundane life, and i didn’t ask him exactly what he means and i don’t want to bring it up again,
    but it triggered boring to me….

    I am OK with mundane…it means simple, no drama,
    staying off roller coaster emotions…being able to appreciate little things along the way just because….

    I want passion but i LOVE and want tenderness even more

    I am giving tenderness to myself first

    I feel like I am not taking care of myself well like i usually do and know how to,
    my immune system is reacting,

    I feel like i have too much free unstructured time also because of a flexible schedule that I can choose, and am not using my time wisely to get my house ready to sell and move, to find more work,

    I feel disappointed and teary, like I am all washed up and will never find the romantic happiness

    I feel inadequate because I can’t accomplish everything and can’t even seem to prioritize

    OK STOP!!

    I feel good because I am aware that this is a phase that will pass quickly and I will bounce back with renewed energy and be back better and stronger

    I feel great because a man from POF that is responding really well to my leaning back, asked me in such a great way if i would meet him tomorrow evening, and I said yes

    and three others in the wings…i am proud to say that i will go out again with one guy who didn’t quite float my boat the first time

    So what do i want to do now? I am taking care of business like chores and beautifying myself, conditioning my hair, exercising, etc, so that that I can feel pulled together tomorrow

    i love my feelings and what they tell me and teach me

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 12:05pm

  585. 585: jacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    @ Brenda – Hi! I forgot to ask if you were feeling better today? and catching up??

    and about those letters – I think they’re interesting because whomever composes them has obviously given a lot of consideration to what a woman wants to hear, what her idealized person would say to her. I wish I kept copies to research backwards like that, so if you get em forward them on. Some of them are really hooked into a woman’s dream of happyeverafter whether the spelling is perfect or not. Sorry they waste your time, tho.

    I always figured anyone who wrote more than one paragraph – that’d be 5 sentences – was a scammer. LOL….

    seemed like real guys want to write short and see if you’ll get back to em, or they will cut and paste and that’ll be obvious too.

    Good luck on clearing your mind of past memories –

    and Jeanette – I so felt your melancholy, or it so resonated with me I remember I dreamed about two men in “friendly” competition for me – I hope you can gain some clarity and relief and some happy feelings!!!

    The Happiness Advocate,

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 12:06pm

  586. 586: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    I just burned the receipts in the fireplace. That felt good.

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 12:10pm

  587. 587: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Life! I’m on the same mission today too! Here’s to having a breakthrough day!!!

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 12:14pm

  588. 588: life_is_too_short_to...No Gravatar says:

    i have a funny story about a rabbit in Italy when i was visiting with family many moons ago…my grandmother was given a rabbit as a present. All of us kids were jumping up and down with delight over how cute this bunny was! A new pet for our nonna!

    Fast forward to the Italian dinner table.

    When I asked what we were eating, they told me,
    the rabbit! I was horrified.

    I might have to revisit that old belief though, if eating rabbit is a magical thing.

    In the carribean, goat is another favorite.

    OK, I must move myself now, chickadees

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 12:15pm

  589. 589: life_is_too_short_to...No Gravatar says:

    Thank you Daria :-)

    That validation feels good to me

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 12:16pm

  590. 590: life_is_too_short_to...No Gravatar says:

    LG, I wish I could be a graphic designer. I started to take classes for it, but all the computer programs were overwhelming to me and it was murder keeping up with the deadlines because of the learning curve. May of the students told me how great my work was, the best in the class even, but i felt so frazzled.

    Count me among those who are Glad you are here, LG, I feel so much in common with you too…shamanism for starters…

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 12:22pm

  591. 591: Simply ShannonNo Gravatar says:

    LG, the post was 430. I felt intrigued reading Daria and Nikita’s take on it. My take was the first felt whiny, which is my trigger on the use of the word sad… instant trigger to my boys whining. I feel sooooo sad. Ya know? I hope that doesn’t trigger you. Just the way I hear it in my head. The second felt like “yes, I own this. I own what this is doing to me.” I liked the second one better than the first but I’d rather be direct. The use of “someone” or “anyone” or “anybody” sort of trips me up too. Like are you talking to me or the air? 😉

    Riffing on being told to relax…

    I feel annoyed, no I feel furious. I’m trying to speak my feelings and all I get is “relax”? F*ck off.

    I feel angry.

    I feel dismissed. Relax? What the hell does that mean? I feel unheard.

    I feel tense. Maybe I could relax a little. I sure don’t want to be standing here right now. It does not feel good.

    Walk away. Go do something that feels good.

    Come back.

    Actual words to be said: I feel angry being told to relax, especially when I’m expressing how I feel about something. It feels dismissive. I feel confused. What can we do next time when I have something to discuss with you?

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 12:24pm

  592. 592: Jason MillerNo Gravatar says:

    493: Girl

    I totally overfunctioned tonight by waving at a guy who I feel attracted to. Darn it!

    It feels like a bubble is permanently burst…is that true?

    I’ve got an opinion on this so you let me know if it feels right to you.

    I wouldn’t necessarily call waving hello to a guy you’re attracted to as “overfunctioning.” It’s just the equivalent of making eye contact except it’s more direct.

    Overfunctioning has to do with coming from a place of neediness. You could have waved to him in a confident or a needy way. It’s the energy behind it that communicates more than just “hello.” If he’s already attracted to you too, then it probably doesn’t matter which way you came across. If he’s on the fence, then it might matter more.

    Remember, the rules are not rigid. There are only guidelines and fundamentals. To initiate with a man might be considered masculine energy by strict definition, but it doesn’t necessarily dictate what happens after that. You were only making it obvious you wanted to connect with him. It doesn’t determine how the rest of the interaction will go.

    As coaches, we are trying to move people toward more genuine connections and authentic communication. If people can put more of their requests out into the world in one form or another, then there’s a greater possibility for peoples’ needs to get met. But you’ve got to be secure and congruent first before these connections can be really solid even if it’s just a simple “hello.”

    Did you get a response from him?

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 12:25pm

  593. 593: Simply ShannonNo Gravatar says:

    I am trying so hard to lean back on Match. I finally put up my profile. This time is quite different than last time. I’ve had a few winks but not many. The last time, I was getting winks and emails right away. Of course my NVs are piping up loud and clear. I keep reminding myself that God put me on this path and to just be patient. He will come. There is no rush. He will come. Then I started feeling excited again. Hopeful anticipation.

    And then a gorgeous, tall, dark haired man winked at me! Woohoo!

    Bring it on. I’m back in the game baby! Hehehehe!

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 12:33pm

  594. 594: GirlNo Gravatar says:

    Holy crap! I am realizing that I have overfunctioned like CRAZY with men. That’s why I end up with guys I don’t like very much – because they are the only ones I give a chance. The others, I emasculate by initiating contact. I actually do it to be friendly because I jump to the conclusion that I won’t be having a relationship with this delicious man, so I will tell him how delicious he is and completely obliterate the possibility of a romantic connection.

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 12:46pm

  595. 595: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    SS: maybe it’s a blessing that you don’t have a lot of men responding to your match profile. That way you don’t have a bunch to sift through.

    Yay for tall, dark, and handsome! I feel excited to hear about your adventures with him.

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 12:52pm

  596. 596: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Nikita: I have a hard time believing you could ever look plain.

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 12:54pm

  597. 597: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Girl! that’s an awesome realization!! do u realize what this means… you are going to completely turn this around now!

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 1:02pm

  598. 598: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    SS: Thanks for the feedback. I hear what you are saying.

    It actually felt better to say the second one. I felt more in integrity. And I really do appreciate you telling me that some of my feeling messages still sounded judgemental.

    I still feel incomplete with the whole conversation. Not with Brenda. But with the conversation I was working out in my head…working through past and potential future conversations where someone says something like that to me.

    In the future, I’m going to try saying.

    “I don’t feel good hearing that. I feel shut down and closed off and not really open to interacting right now. And that feels bad because I don’t like feeling closed off”

    walk away. Do something on my channeling list.

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 1:02pm

  599. 599: Simply ShannonNo Gravatar says:

    Pondering more on the relax topic…

    Is it a feminine response to say “I feel angry and dismissed. Is this a bad time?”

    LG: Yes, I’m training my NVs that we want quality over quantity. That feels really intriguing. I’ve been praying that I don’t have enough time to do everything I want. Answered prayer maybe? Yes, answered prayer. Thank you for saying that! I feel relieved. Still a little tense about it but don’t want my NVs to run me. Gonna put ’em on a treadmill and let them run themselves. 😉

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 1:05pm

  600. 600: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i feel angry and powerless. i called in to cancel my gym membership… which rolled over when the gym was bought by another… and i didnt even attend or agree to be part of the new gym…

    and i want a refund really, but i also owe them 74 dollars, and THEY WONT CANCEL MY MEMBERSHIP!! until i pay them the balance owed… even though i plan on disputing it and let them know that…

    i feel furious and powerless.,, ugh!


    they are gonna keep charging me even though i don’t want to be a member?

    i feel sooo unsafe with freakin businesses and ish

    i just don’t like “money” in this format

    it feels so icky to me, i feel like im at the mercy of these freaking grey walled businesses who are like trying to

    drain me like im a peasant in their domain or something



    i havent even USED their gym.

    i did NOT want to be part of their gym


    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 1:09pm

  601. 601: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Jason! I appreciate hearing your take on overfunctioning.

    Would you clarify what you mean by congruent. I feel kinda weird asking because maybe you already have and I missed it.

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 1:09pm

  602. 602: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Daria: can you cancel it somehow directly through your credit card? Tell them you didn’t authorize the withdrawals.

    I feel bummed that you have to deal with that.

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 1:13pm

  603. 603: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i woke up feeling blah today, its probably the sun not being out.

    i took a 5-htp capsule to see what happens. its 100g by Jarrow.

    it didnt feel good in my tummy, i feel now a lil more powerful but a lil headachy almost.

    i DID do some new style (for me) EFT last nite on my fear of calling and interacting with businesses and professional people

    the way i did it was imagining the issue as a thing, and tapping on that thing, then seeing it change (it changes), then tapping some more on it like that…

    then today ive just woken up and felt blah and drained by thoughts of feelng drained by dude last nite AND the 2 calls i wanted to make to my lawyer about th eDUI and the gym

    and i made the calls! yay! so now i feel glad i handled this

    im still feeling heavy and sad

    iknow when the air feels filled with water and stuff like this before rain, and its pressured, i feel this way,

    i feel curious and excited to see if the 5-HTP is gonna give me the Glad Glows when it gets nicely absorbed and used by my body

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 1:14pm

  604. 604: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i feel so pist that men haven’t called me yesterday

    and the two that had invited me to smoe monday didt call back

    and that i havent smoked and i want it….

    and i want to feel happy and in the movement of life


    i love my groggy sad, heavy, half sleep feeling

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 1:16pm

  605. 605: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    LG – yes its thru my bank card, i will pretty much do that, but i dont really have to because my account is overdrawn ant my bank so they are not authorizing anything anyway

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 1:17pm

  606. 606: jacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    Thinking about Jeanette some more – and advocating happiness.

    We have: past/present/future. Yet, we can only create our future from our present, never from our past. We ARE creating our future right this minute. And we choose. So, what do we choose? Where is our focus – on our suffering, on our happiness, on our growth, on our honesty?? And focus tells us something about our choices and our future.

    Abraham speaks of selective shifting, I’d forgotten it….but it’s worth remembering.

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 1:17pm

  607. 607: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    SS: re: your question about is it feminine to say “I feel angry….”

    For me, I’m finding that situations rarely work out the way I would like when I express my anger verbally. It seems to always put the person on the defensive.

    I’m experimenting with picking (or licking, as Nikita says) my battles wisely.

    Maybe working through the anger internally.

    Still working it out. Curious to hear your take.

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 1:18pm

  608. 608: jacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    LG – hello! Jason defines it at my place, not sure he’s ever defined it here, but I like it! And he links it to personal power and feminine power. Cool. Hope all is well.


    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 1:19pm

  609. 609: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    YAY! my interned on this old lap top in the past falls when i try to download stuff or watch a youtube video sometimes…

    i kept trying but TODAy! right now, it finally held up the whole time for me to download my all inclusive messenger! yay

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 1:22pm

  610. 610: jacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    @ LG & SS – I thought feelings were the domain of feminine here? Why we speak in feeling voices? And even if it doesn’t feel good to express anger what then would you express – it would feel harmful to me to not express anger. Thanks for the bravery to discuss!

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 1:23pm

  611. 611: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Life: Thanks! That feels so sweet to hear. Sometimes I feel insecure about being on the blog. I feel worried that people will see me when I’m working through something and make judgements about me. It feels so great to be valued. Thank you!

    About the graphic design thing…I support you going for it if it’s a passion of yours. I wonder if you could get a tutor to help with the computer programs or do eft or hypnosis to get over your fear of it. I’m really trying to follow my passions right now an I support all of us in doing that.

    Or maybe you could express your creativity in another way. In a way you can start right now without any training.

    Oh gosh, am I going into boy energy right now?

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 1:25pm

  612. 612: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    I feel comfortable saying “i feel angry” … if the other person has a trigger about anger, they may get defensive, or not…

    but in the overall, it will be more connected and real for me to express my anger

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 1:26pm

  613. 613: Simply ShannonNo Gravatar says:

    How that conversation would really play out…

    Me: expressing something that is bothering me. la, la, la…

    Him: Shesh honey, would you just relax?

    Me: Rage shooting out of the top of my head!!!

    Fine a$$hole. <–this is the part I want to change.

    Walk away.

    Seriously why does this trigger me so?

    What I would like to hear at a minimum is "Honey you sound upset. What can I do to help you relax?"

    Although now I'm tripping up on the word "honey". Don't you condescend me fool!

    I am trigger happy right now, in a non-happy way.

    I feel pissed and tense. Channeling my frustration here actually so I don't overfunction with something actually happening in my present, real life space.

    Grrrrrr. Ok. I feel sad and powerless. That's my reality right now. Do you effin' see me!?!?! My heart hurts literally.

    Wah, wah, wah. Whiny voice NV. Aww bite me NV.

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 1:28pm

  614. 614: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    a lot of times under my anger is fear or sadness, so i practice to open my heart first and speak my deepest feeling …

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 1:29pm

  615. 615: Simply ShannonNo Gravatar says:

    Yes, Daria I actually got that too. Saying I feel sad triggers this weird whiny voice for me. But I did feel it reading LG’s comment above. First time triggered whiny, second time triggered just sad.

    I feel sad that we’re not connecting. When I hear relax, my brain hears “shut up about this right now”. Is that what you meant? Is this a bad time?

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 1:35pm

  616. 616: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    RE: #598 – “Write Your Healing” is my business idea. People can write their stories and get help with formatting, editing, and publishing.

    I agree, let’s discuss the conflict another time.

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 1:47pm

  617. 617: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    I stayed home today to get some R&R and catch up a little. Thanks!

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 1:49pm

  618. 618: Simply ShannonNo Gravatar says:

    Daria, are you finding that you’re able to jump from anger to sad relatively quickly now? I’m not there yet. My “mad” is like white hot fury at times. To shift over to sad is a LONG shift.

    So walk away and process? I’m really curious about this. This is a tough issue for me. I feel the river of anger underneath the surface. Oh I don’t know. Even writing that feels like I’m covering up other stuff. Just seems like anger comes up first and LOUD.

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 2:00pm

  619. 619: GigiNo Gravatar says:

    Brenda and all sirens:

    Okay, I just received a spam contact on Match. This one is located closer to home but otherwise has many of the “spam” characteristics!


    Hi Sweet Lady

    Ummmm….what an amazing eyes and smile you have.Nice profile you got and i will love to know more about you, i see that you are a kind of woman with dignity, care, respect, support, love and family oriented in nature…..i want you to know that the eyes is the window to the soul….i see your soul as a charlenge for me and i am ready to take it and make worth it value…
    I understand what a woman wants and need, i want to give the best but i need the best to get the best out of me…someone that understand what it takes to be united at heart and mind….someone that has teasted love in the true way and ready to give it her best shut….well not to take much of your time…i am a down to heart person and i really love the nature as it is filled with ups and downs….all am in seacrh of is true companion,someone that can take care of my heart while i take care of hers….let g et to know each other…My account with match end soon.mind having a chat with me….my im id on yahoo is ( mgoofrey)…Take good care of yourself and i hope to hear from you soon..

    Hope to hear from you soon..

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 2:07pm

  620. 620: DeniseNo Gravatar says:

    Day Four. I’m sad that I have not heard from Perfect Man.

    It reminds me of a hostage situation: Captive- Day 4.

    I’m chuckling on top of my sadness. This too shall pass.

    “Come out, come out of your man cave!” I shout unto myself. It’s falling on deaf ears.

    In response to the question posted, “what does your perfect man look like?”, I took a glance at a checklist by a Doctor on whether a man is suitable to date. I checked the first check. Then another, then another, then all the way down the line. I checked all the checks!

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 2:15pm

  621. 621: LoreleiNo Gravatar says:

    Gigi – I’m not up to date on this thread, but this is definitely a scam or spam, and he may be sitting in a room in Nigeria rather than anywhere near you.

    SLV posted a really good site for detecting online scams in general.

    I hope no-one minds if I re-post this site, from a British dating site, with lots of articles on online dating scams and spams, with identifying traits etc.

    It is both scary and laughable how similar they all are! I now don’t feel at all bad about just reporting these to the site, as being suspicious, and then deleting them.

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 2:17pm

  622. 622: DeniseNo Gravatar says:

    Gigi, Mgoofrey is way GOOFY. Pleeeaassseeeee!

    I cannot stand these scam artists.

    You can see by the expressions used, this person does not have a handle on the English language. First clue there.

    One rule: I never ever write someone off the dating site at the beginning; usually I like about five or six emails back and forth. I don’t want them to have my email address unless I am willing to go further, and discover if I am willing to invest the time to meet.

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 2:21pm

  623. 623: GigiNo Gravatar says:


    Yes, I agree with you! And, that’s an interesting site that you posted. Brenda was talking about scammers a bit earlier…And, I wish there was a way to block them!

    Also, it may be wise to talk with people who are on other blogs that are not dating blogs. My mom had a similar situation happen to her on a book site that was totally unrelated to dating. I think she exchanged about three emails before she realized what was going on!


    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 2:25pm

  624. 624: DeniseNo Gravatar says:

    Lorelei- Ditch or Snog- Great name!

    The Five Golden Rules for Online Dating are good.

    Safety first, ladies.

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 2:26pm

  625. 625: GigiNo Gravatar says:


    Yes, I actually thought his address was “goofy” at first glance! :-)

    I agree with you about not giving out my real email too quickly. There is no reason for it when it is so easy to communicate through the dating site initially. So, that’s always a red flag up front to me!

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 2:28pm

  626. 626: LoreleiNo Gravatar says:

    Hi – here is a re-post of something SLV put up a week or so ago. Not exactly about online dating scams, and I haven’t the time to do what these guys do, but it’s a great example of playing onoine scammers at their own game. It makes me laugh.

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 2:37pm

  627. 627: DeniseNo Gravatar says:

    Intuition counts so listen. All tales tell a story!

    Where he says he is located is most likely fabricated as well.

    Did you report him to the site?

    I have discovered a few business scams in my day. Once last summer, I was so pissed, I got the dude arrested. Then I contacted a few of the local news; one picked it up after my follow through. I was interviewed, and taped, along with many other “experts” and a huge expose was aired on TV. His arrest mug shot was shown. AND I had my day in court and he paid.

    Don’t mess with me I say!

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 2:39pm

  628. 628: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Brenda: that sounds like a cool idea! I feel quite positive that it could work.

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 2:41pm

  629. 629: Amy F.No Gravatar says:


    I read part of Dear Lover and love it. I am going to finish it by the end of the week. Thanks for suggesting it.

    Regarding the term “man-crack”, this term describes the addiction I have perfectly. Given the fact that I’m probably related to half the actual drug crack-heads on the eastern seaboard, I can tell you that they won’t mind. I really don’t feel it is an offensive term. On the one hand I am not trying to offend anyone, on the other I don’t want to be censored.

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 2:41pm

  630. 630: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Rori advises to quickly move from e-mail/dating site to phone…

    even if man doesn’t ask for the phone number … to let him know… “i don’t really want to talk online very long… im at 555 555”

    and then it’s still up to him to call

    of course, this naturally weeds out any scammers

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 2:45pm

  631. 631: BarbinOzNo Gravatar says:

    #655 Girl

    Oh yes just your average scammer

    Poor grammar
    Spelling mistakes
    Very flowery words
    Yahoo email address

    IF you write back you will hear tale of his dearly departed/cheating wife and how he needs a mother for his orphaned children (!!) and the grammar will get so bad you will barely be able to understand the copy and pastes all hacked together poorly and out of synch………I found to be rife with them and as I have said before some had gold memberships…… investment as they are able to fleece vulnerable innocent women….

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 2:48pm

  632. 632: jacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    Hi, Lorelei! I was curious how your profile re-write worked?

    And, if you go to Yahoo, you can make up an account just for dating – I realized this when I put my name in the create an account – it said, “from Jacqueline Brielle.” So, I used another throw away one and put my nickname and my middle name as my last name. Funny, it’s the one I use most now. And I never really got spammed, just the ocassional African one. Not being able to give an email might limit your contact with people who join on trial memberships, etc. This is an option to keep it open.

    When I see a form I tend to just fill it out – like I put my full name here where it said name and Rori corrected it – so be aware that even if your yahoo acct. is “Onelife2live” or something – it’ll show the first and last names you enter as “from.” So, I’d enter One and Life in that case, and proceed.

    Good luck everyone, have a great afternoon!!


    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 2:56pm

  633. 633: DeniseNo Gravatar says:

    419Eater is so hysterically funny! Thanks for sharing.

    Unfortunately, with information so readily available on the super highway, giving out a phone number quickly ensures that a lot of public information is there for all to see. If someone sleuths, you would be amazed what is there with your online presence. I would rather be safe than sorry. I’ve had my run in with too many kooks and gold diggers!

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 2:57pm

  634. 634: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @664: Lorelei says:
    “Hi – here is a re-post of something SLV put up a week or so ago. … example of playing onoine scammers at their own game. It makes me laugh.”

    Hi Lorelei,

    Yes, I found it hilarious, if anyone has ever been annoyed by scam/spam, take a look at above link for story of guy who sought revenge in a funny way.

    The date scam link also mentioned was originally posted by Brenda at @566 &567. She included the e-mail the scammer sent to her. The web site is romance dot com. It was certainly an eye-opener!


    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 3:01pm

  635. 635: JenniferNo Gravatar says:

    I am having a rough two days.
    This sucks.
    I’m going to blog it out….hope y’all don’t mind.
    There is a trial going on near here. For a very bad man. A very very bad man. He killed two women and did all sorts of unspeakable things.
    and I feel like I can’t escape it. It’s on the news, on the ‘net, every one is talking about it. People have commentary about on FB as thier statuses. The town is CRAWLING with reporters.
    They are reading out the evidence in court. There are pics and videos. There are reams of evidence that everyone is talking about
    It’s like being under a wet heavy blanket.
    I don’t wanna hear. I don’t wanna know.
    It’s too much. I feel sick.
    I feel so angry and sad.
    I feel miserable.
    I want people to stop talkign about it.
    I had a nightmare.
    This sucks.
    My money friend called me. Her ex emailed her and said I was in a salon spilling beans about her and her fiancee doing all sorts of sexual stuff that isn’t true.
    I guess his new g/f is a hair dresser and is friends with the random woman assigned to do my hair for the engagement party. I mentioned thier names in relation to this party…and how nervous I was to attend.
    Somehow it gets all twisted up into this vicous thing.
    That never got said and isn’t true any way. But he’s threatening to use this lie to take her kids.
    I hate people.
    I think I really do today.
    I called the salon to complain…this man should not have even known i was in that salon.
    I feel violated.
    I told the manager of the salon I feel like I’m in highschool and I feel uncomfortable to go into thier place of business at all. Which is unfair since I didn’t do anything wrong.
    I feel like ….if an innocus convo like that could be twisted into something so ugly….anything i say (the weather etc) could be lied about.
    Now the owner of the two salons calles me and wants to see me face to face.
    Now I fee nervous. Is this guy gonna yell at me? I didnt’ to anything wrong.
    I think I hate people today.
    What if she’s lying to him (apparently it’s her thing) and he blieves her and gets all nasty with me?
    I think I hate people today.

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 3:06pm

  636. 636: LoreleiNo Gravatar says:

    Hi everyone –

    thanks for all the tips in the last few posts.

    Jacqueline- I’m happy, much happier with my profile re-write, though it hasn’t produced floods of responses. But I’m not worried – it’s a smaller niche site that I’m on, and I’m very comfortably having a slower stream of approaches – it’s all I can cope with at the moment. Also, I need to get a better photo up – I’m doing things backwards, but hey.

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 3:31pm

  637. 637: LoreleiNo Gravatar says:

    Also, I have my second (first) date, after a 15-year marriage, this weekend. We had quite an amusing email exchange, he phoned this evening, and we’re meeting at a museum on Sunday afternoon, to look at something we talked about in our emails, then go to the café. I did well in not suggesting possible meet-up venues etc on the phone.

    In the emails, he mentioned several times that he was feeling nervous about asking me out, or getting cold feet, but hoping to find warm socks. Not exactly a gung-ho alpha male . . and I was a bit turned off. I don’t feel hugely excited about the date, but, I just feel open to whatever message he has for me.

    (I just hope that his message is not that I am still attracting lonely, needy men, but it might be!!!).

    I’m looking forward to another date. I’m very happy to take things a slowly, as still not divorced. But I am looking forward to practicing the tools, and learning how to do dating afresh.

    And I have a few other emailings going on with others. I threw the net quite wide, and some of them don’t live anywhere near me. I know that Rori advocates using the phone and getting to a date as soon as possible – and I have my line about getting to phoning ready. But it’s OK.

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 3:41pm

  638. 638: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i feel drained!!! i feel so mad!1 i feel mad at my mom for being here – tho shes being nice!!

    i feel mad at the blog grrrr

    i feel mad at stupid harasser ex date dude who tried to bully me inot seeing him again ugh!!!

    i feel mad at the girly mens howing up today

    i feel mad i dont have weed and or friends to meetu up with to laugh and joke with live and

    that is just a cover for my feeing MAD

    i feel so mad!!!

    i feel angry at this FUC*?CKIN cluod energy


    FUC9k UUUU

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 3:50pm

  639. 639: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i WANT to feel happy and connected to people and the objects and aimals and plants and natural stuff around me

    i WANT to feel frreeeee and happy and supported

    i want to feel excited and thrilled to be seeing a man

    i want to feel deep and like im learning stuff about myself

    i want to feel powerful!

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 3:52pm

  640. 640: NikitaNo Gravatar says:


    That girl in the salon/that you say if dating your friends ex… the end of the post I felt sad for you and hope this blows over for your friend’s sake……
    because this salon worker would def. be overfunctioning if she is elaborating on the story…..
    def.overfunctioning :(

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 3:53pm

  641. 641: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i feel so pist… i feel like strangling people

    grrr hormones!!!


    grrr liver hormones rom sleeping to late right?


    that tooo

    i feel like slapping yOUUUUU who is yOUUUU i dono

    this is making me feel better

    also this new IMing man is making me feel better

    i think brushing my skin and showering would feel good too

    and then maybe riding my bike out

    maybe i can slap some squirreels



    slapping squirrels in the laggooon might feel satisfying

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 3:57pm

  642. 642: JenniferNo Gravatar says:

    It’s actually the friend of the Ex’s g/f… that game telephone. One long string of crap.
    I hate it
    I want everyone to grow up.
    that’s it.
    Everyone grow up NOW!
    TJ’s satus makes me feel better it says
    As the graphic and tragic details are revealed, it reminds me that life starts with a woman, inside of a woman, and there is a reason we call it “Mother Earth”. It is time to Stop violence against women.
    Now I wanna do thins guy too.
    Freaking hormones.

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 4:10pm

  643. 643: MaiNo Gravatar says:


    i just read that you are into herbs and wellbeing.

    I want to know any advice you have regarding dry skin. Moisturising creams and essential oils piss me off because they work for 5 mins but then i see all the dry rough skin on my legs and arms. Everywhere else is soft and smooth though , hmmm?

    thank you gorgeous

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 4:50pm

  644. 644: JeannetteNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks girls, you are all great….I think about how my current squeeze has been there for me when I needed him. He came to me twice when I really needed someone….So, he told me today he has to go back to the hospital for another round of chemo…I will be there for him….at least while he needs me most…I think the answers will come. Yes, he is passive for sure but he still wants to be there for me in alot of ways….Just not with the turkey carving! He needs to step up and talk to my kids too….but that is something I understand a little more because he is very shy. Anyway, I just wanted all of you to know I appreciate your words and continue to ponder them…..

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 4:59pm

  645. 645: DeniseNo Gravatar says:

    Has anyone dated a “Perpetual Bachelor”? A seemingly good catch of a lamb in sheeps’ clothing, never quite able to commit?

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 5:39pm

  646. 646: DeniseNo Gravatar says:

    A dermatologist is your best answer. Eucerin is a drugstore product highly recommended for extremely dry skin. Drink lots of water, too. Too many showers dry out your parched skin, so go lightly.

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 5:45pm

  647. 647: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    Ohh, I feel so goodgoodgood

    I did it. I got what I wanted. I worked my ass off instead of just wishing I had what I wanted, and I got it.

    I feel judgmental of “lazy” people who talk about what they want for their lives but never do anything to get there. I believe in magic, but you have to actually go through the steps to be a gracious invitation for angels to do their work. Angels don’t like being slapped in the face.

    I am in boy voice.

    Enter girl voice.

    It feels good to have a life I adore in every way. My job pays well and offers me paid time off to relax. I feel stimulated and needed in my field at the end of the day. I go home, cook delicious, healthful food for myself, spend time with men and friends, and keep my body and my house feeling good. I study whatever feels good and don’t feel conflicted about spending money to pursue whatever endeavor I like because now there is enough $$ not to feel anxious or guilty for choosing between myself and being able to pay the bills. I spend weekends at acupuncture and at the salon, or just doing whatever feels good because I don’t have to worry about work obligations. I can now take care of ME without sacrificing financial health and vice versa.

    Feeling SO glad I worked my ass off. Feeling deep peace and truth and self respect about having EARNED my way into this lovely position in life. I made conscious choices and sacrifices to get what I ultimately wanted for myself instead of just hoping it would one day come true without putting the unpleasant work in for it. I feel major respect for myself.

    Sometimes it felt unpleasant but in the end, I feel very good about it, because I am only 25 and have everything I could possibly want for myself now, and most of the ladder I was climbing was plated with social justice and spiritual truth in working to legalize marijuana and empowering others to speak out for their belief that marijuana should be legal, and training people around the country how to be more powerful and in control in the workplace when I was younger. I feel successful and happy. I came from nothing and now I have everything I wanted.

    I also feel compelled to inspire jealousy in anyone who ever doubted me in any form. Oooh, it feels good to think I could make people jealous. The best revenge is living well.

    It’s funny, cuz before people were jealous of me because of my role as weed legalizer, with my talking to the media and meeting cool and famous people, especially up toward the end of my career there. But now I REALLY feel like I have something people should be jealous of.

    I have climbed out of the black hole I was born into. I have everything I wanted. And now I truly believe, more than I did before, that if I want to achieve even bigger and bolder things, I totally can. And I totally will.

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 5:52pm

  648. 648: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Mai – dry skin on legs and arms only… hmmm…
    sounds like a circulation issue

    Acupuncture can help … + they can give you some medicinal herb mixes

    other stuff:

    Comfrey herb (buy at mountainroseherbs online — very fresh good source of all kinds of herbs compared to some other online stores)

    make infusions — pour boiling water over a big handful or 2 of comfrey in a jar, close the jar tight and let sit overnight – and drink about 1/2 a liter to a liter a day (pay attention to your body as too much at once on an empty stomach may make u nauseaus)

    you should notice your sking much moisturized in aobut 5 – 7 days


    Skin brush – google skin brushing, and get a good natural brush ( has a good one i use) and brush skin twice a day… THIS will make your skin glow! in about 2 – 3 weeks…

    it will have other effects like eliminating more thru skin at first (skin brushing is very healthy) , and so eventually clearing up acne etc…

    aslo it may at first seem to increase cellulite, but after a month or so it will actually Dramatically reduce it

    + once or twice a week, take sea salt baths…

    let the salt sit on your skin overnight if its comfortable for you, or if not, rinse it off

    Skin brushing plus weekly or bi weekly seasalt baths should show a Dramatic improvement in about a month


    and of coursse, drink water – GOOD water. try Fuji water, or New Zealand Aquifer water from Trader Joe’s


    more: circulation issue and skin will be helped by taking HOT then COLD alternatign showers – start hot, then turn it to cold, dunk under it and all around (i massage my breasts under cold water for 30 sec – it firms them) then back to HOT then back to COLD etc… ending on cold on the third time

    feels scary at first, each time gets a little easier, GREAT boost for the immune system too when it gets cold out


    another similar idea is to do Derivative baths… this i have only experimented with and haven’t yet incorporated in a routine

    this is when, wearing warm clothes and Especially socks to keep the feet warm,

    sit on the toilet with a bucket of cold water and a wash cloth,

    then wet the wash cloth and rub the pubic, Nani area with the wet washcloth (gently yet creating vibrations)… do this for 5 – 20 min, once a day

    twice a day for dramatic results, 20 min stronger than less

    this increases circulation, heals body and starts really clearing skin in about a month

    actually does not feel horrible (as it mihg seem) since the rest of the body must be warm, amazingly it doesn’t really feel cold!

    I will practice more with this when i feel inspired too, i noticed i would get bored looking at the clock and tired of bending and scooping water hehe (don’t want to bend too much, so as to encourage the circulation to go down to pubic area)


    i feel honored taht you asked me! Tinque knows about herbs too, and may also have some more recommendations for you

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 6:01pm

  649. 649: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    Even though I have everything I want I still feel burned by anyone who doubted me. I still feel the same insecurities. Hmmmm

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 6:02pm

  650. 650: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    Shea Butter Raw

    olive oil in a pinch….

    and maybe a little body brushing to help it all along-

    but no coffee, alchohol, tobacco…these dry us out! (i love coffee :(

    sugar isn’t much of a help either but I don’t want to get on a tirade- raw shea butter is inexpensive

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 6:08pm

  651. 651: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    oh gosh i feel triggered by lazy and earn

    i want to heal and get the gem in eerything that is in the word lazy

    lazy sounds beatiful to me … i feel good to create a life for me where i laze around by a beautiful stream, talking to flowers and water and little animals, dancing and laughing

    and earn… i don’t want to believe i have to earn anything… i don’t have to earn my love and i don’t have to earn my life

    the divineness fo life provides for me and i have to only receive to deserve all the wonderful magic and sustenance of this world

    this is what i would like

    i am also interested in the Growth aspects of earn and unlazy… as in how focus and intention and picking myself up on my path to what i want and feeling the icky feelings help me be a greater happier being… i would like to to understand more about this and feel happy

    thank you angels!

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 6:22pm

  652. 652: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Nikita – i was going to say shea butter but have never used it (the raw version)… it was just an intuition… mmm =)

    but i do think that if its an arm and leg only thing it would be a circulation thing that acupuncture, and hot cold water therapy will help

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 6:24pm

  653. 653: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    yes oil rubs after showers can be a help – i just rubbed comfrey infused in olive oil with ground up himalayan salt into my feet

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 6:25pm

  654. 654: LizzieNo Gravatar says:

    OK – I am dumping all men….
    This is the message I want to send married-guy:
    I have been reflecting on the wonderfulness of our time together – you are so right, the physical chemistry has been simply amazing. I had mentioned I was really surprised to hear from you, and so delighted to see you again. Now I believe it is time to draw it to a nice close. I have found it interesting that I felt so different on Friday, from the winter – I can’t really put a finger on what it might be – I feels like my affection for you shifted – not gone, just shifted. In some ways, it feels like I have grown so much happier within myself – maybe I am recognizing my needs and your needs have shifted. I didn’t feel the pleasant flow of delight we had together earlier in the year. I must tell you though, I will always think so fondly of you. In many ways, you really helped me liberate and fulfill my own desires!! Oh god sooo wonderful!! Interestingly I am still not so sure I am ready for a real relationship yet, but you helped me know that being desired feels amazing; experiencing that wanting, breathed life into me. I am really glad to have known you and I will always have a smile for you.

    What do you think?

    Next – I am dumping the imaginary relationship with family guy – I keep reading all this stuff that if he were really interested he would find some time in his schedule… so it shall end

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 6:26pm

  655. 655: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    YAY LIZZIE !! im not for “The End” letters… as to me they would feel like overfunctioning and forcing closure on my part…

    but I AM for only good real relationships allowed!

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 6:29pm

  656. 656: Jason MillerNo Gravatar says:

    630: Girl says:

    Holy crap! I am realizing that I have overfunctioned like CRAZY with men. That’s why I end up with guys I don’t like very much – because they are the only ones I give a chance. The others, I emasculate by initiating contact. I actually do it to be friendly because I jump to the conclusion that I won’t be having a relationship with this delicious man, so I will tell him how delicious he is and completely obliterate the possibility of a romantic connection.

    Good realization! Next time start with the eye contact and see if he comes up to you first. Let him take the lead and you can follow, but only if you want to. Keep it simple and experiment.

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 6:31pm

  657. 657: LizzieNo Gravatar says:

    ok – dumping family guy –

    I have been reflecting on where I am in my life at the moment and some of the challenges I am grappling with and have decided to draw our friendship to a close.

    oh boy does that sound harsh? help!

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 6:33pm

  658. 658: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    there’s nothing inherently wrong with “lazy.” it just becomes harmful, painful, awful, when it is always at odds with wanting things that laziness will not serve.

    if u wanna be “lazy,” then be lazy!

    Warning: these are personal judgments and not directed at anyone:

    just don’t cry to me about how your life sucks or annoy me with always talking about the big things you’re gonna do.

    holy judgment.

    judgment turned inward but forced back out as defense.

    fear that i will never accomplish the bigger things i want to accomplish.

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 6:37pm

  659. 659: LizzieNo Gravatar says:

    dry skin on large body parts? I discovered a remedy that I used for hot-flashes: omega 3 oil. I buy a bottle of flax seed oil in 1-litre bottles and put about 2 tablespoons in juice – guava juice is the best – stir and drink it down. Every day. It has transformed my hair so soft and glistens, and my skin is so soft! it is really amazing. It has to be the oil you drink, not capsules becase you won’t get enough, not seeds – all that is is bulk and flax has the most pleasant taste.

    the other thing I did when I had a terrible reaction to laytex on my special lady parts this summer – what a horrific experience – even the doctor thought it was genital herpes … anyway, someone here on the list recommended olive oil and tea tree oil drops in a warm bath – that made my skin amazing!

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 6:42pm

  660. 660: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    feeling sad and embarrassed for my mother who dreamed of selling homemade candles but when she took them to a show to sell them, no one bought any, and they were falling apart.

    omg sadness

    i always squash this memory down.

    however i am feeling inspired to turn it around

    pride. respect. my mother still showed up to the show even though she wasn’t ready and risked embarrassment, because it was a step toward her dream of selling homemade candles. she didn’t let risk of embarrassment stop her, even though in the end she felt very embarrassed.

    oh thank you, mother, for teaching me this great value!!!!!!!!!! i feel full of tears. i feel so moved.

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 6:42pm

  661. 661: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    Haha lizzie i am so glad it worked for your skin!!! i was just going to suggest my concoction of olive oil and tea tree oil drops for the bath. I am going to take one of those baths right now! I have a yucky rash:(

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 6:43pm

  662. 662: LizzieNo Gravatar says:

    But Daria – don’t I want to force closure??
    I hate just hanging there – and with married guy – I want him to know what we had was quite lovely

    I think family guy – well, that one isn’t flowing and it feels really bad, yucky, awful….hmmm maybe I am not meant to write him off

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 6:45pm

  663. 663: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    hah hello world mirror.

    just got attacked by mom ! – about my plan to file for bankruptcy instead of having dad lend me money to pay off my credit cards –

    and stuff about her feeling ashamed about me not working to her friends

    hehe somehow i feel so thrilled about this because i KNOW im so freakin awesome anyway and Im THRILLED to be me and very happy with me!!!

    i feel joyful

    i feel good about walking away

    and hugging myself and feeling the feelings, under the baby stage rage was

    FEAR like horror and shock and fear of getting hit or something like would sometimes happen out of the the blue when my mom disapproved of me


    i am so adorable

    and absolutely worthy and wonderful and a blessing

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 6:53pm

  664. 664: LizzieNo Gravatar says:

    Dorothea – it is a life saver! Seems I developed cystitis and bladder infection after a rather robust activity with married guy…;-( on Friday – and it was totally soothing of the pain while I waited for the antibiotics to kick in. Haha ha. That is it for dating for me for a while….

    Now what do you have in your bag of tricks for the sudden onset of a cystic acne on my cheek???!!! And naturally the antibiotic for the bladder infection does nothing for the skin infection on my face – geezzzzz no wonder I want to dump all men….

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 6:56pm

  665. 665: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Shifra ~

    Story #1 … When I was a little girl, I used to read a lot of fairy tales. I was deeply drawn to the world of magic and adventure, where the unexpected could happen at any time, and where ordinary people had the power to make impossible things happen at will. When I was six I wrote my first fairy tale. But it didn’t stop there. Until the age of eight or so, I actually believed that I myself was a fairy, a fairy who simply didn’t know yet how to use her powers. Although it may sound odd or childish, my experience of that belief was anything but superficial… rather, it came from a very deep place within… from a compelling, mysterious awareness that there was something magical, mystical and powerful inside of me, something as yet undiscovered, but which was so, so very much more than the simple little me that met the eye. I still remember the day that my mother convinced me that I was not a fairy, the day I resigned myself to my destiny as a somewhat helpless and very ordinary human being.

    Story #2 … When I was in college, I took a class in astronomy from an amazing teacher whose name was Karlos Kaufmanis. He was extraordinarily passionate about his subject… deeply moved and excited by the majesty, wonder … and infinity … of the galaxies and stars … and profoundly committed to helping us to feel the power and mystery of our vast universe with its eternities of space and time … I will always remember the last day of that class… and the promise I made to myself then… a promise without any logic behind it… that I would some day fulfill the deep, almost unbearable yearning his words and pictures instilled in me, and reach out and experience, from up close and personal, the vast mystery and unearthly beauty of those stars.

    Story #3 … We have a wood burning stove in our living room. The stovepipe goes out through the roof, and this past summer when we had some work done on the floor, we had to move the stove and separate the pieces of the stovepipe. In the meantime, in order to keep things from falling in through the opening on the roof, my husband tied a plastic bag to the opening down below.

    Some time after that, one of my children reported that every night she was hearing loud rustling noises that kept her awake, and that she suspected there was an animal inside the walls. Late one night, after four or five days of hearing the noises, she happened to walk by the stove and see that the noise was coming from the bag… and that some kind of creature was struggling inside. Frightened, she called my husband, who ran downstairs, grabbed the bag, and emptied it onto the grass… only to see a small, terrified creature running away in the dark.

    Think about that little creature for a moment… how frightened it must have been… how hard it must have struggled… trapped in an unfamiliar, inhospitable and confining space… without food or water, and with no hope of escape. And then — suddenly and unpredictably – it was free.

    These three little stories are all very different. But in some way, on some level, each one of them speaks to a very deep part of who we essentially are. Every one of us has experienced the profound sense that there is something so much more inside of us, even if we don’t quite know what it is… and we have also all experienced the discouragement and sorrow of giving up, in some way, on our inner dreams. Every one of us can sense that there are awesome wonders and mysteries hidden in the vastness of the universe, and our hearts and souls are stirred with the desire to know those hidden secrets, no matter how impossible it might sometimes seem. And last but not least, every one of us can feel, when our hearts are open, that there is a miraculous power in the universe, a power far bigger than ourselves … that when we connect to that power sudden unpredictable change can happen … and that no matter how dark and hopeless things might sometimes seem, we are all destined to be free.

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 6:59pm

  666. 666: LizzieNo Gravatar says:

    File for Bankruptcy – that would be a very difficult decision and has far reaching implications. I am sure you already took a look at consolidation debt management? It works similairly to bankruptcy but doesn’t have the same long term negative impact on your future credit worthiness. I have faced this decision in the past few years as a result of the enormity of the divorce. And I looked seriously at debt consolidation management – a far better option.

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 7:01pm

  667. 667: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Lizzie – Rori says a drive for closure is about anxiety and control… and that learning to be comfortable with no closure is a big step to opening our vibe to be feminine

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 7:01pm

  668. 668: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Lizzie – i already did consolidate but i struggled and didn’t make payments last few months … im feeling very freed thinking about bankruptcy… i used to feel terrified of it…

    weirdly ohhh i feel judged by my mother! – hehe – i originally spent this money planning to file for bankruptcy ! and move out of the country…

    whcih is what seems to be happening! yay!

    my life is free feeling

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 7:04pm

  669. 669: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @689: Daria says:
    “…i am also interested in the Growth aspects of earn and unlazy…”

    Did you ever read “Wishcraft” by Barbara Sher? Interesting…creating a living doing what you want to do…

    She has a web site too. I haven’t been there lately but think it’s still barbara sher dot com

    Check them out…


    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 7:06pm

  670. 670: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    if antiobiotics are having no residual effect on your face whatsoever, or are making it worse, the infection could be fungal in nature. Do you have any athletes foot creme? otherwise, tea tree is anti-fungal.

    here is what i did for cysts that helped a lot
    1. wash your face with a gentle cleaner
    2. wash again but this time use a wash cloth with the cleanser to exfoliate. be gentle on the cyst
    3. make a hot compress with clean washrag. basically you soak the folded rag with hot water and hold it over the cyst for 5 seconds. Repeat 3 times. should be hot enough to trap steam between rag and face but don’t burn yourself!!!
    4. in a cereal bowl full of hot water (same heat as step 3) add 1 tbsp olive oil and about 15 shakes of the tea tree drops. mix together. soak rag in mixture and do like step 3.

    also, your cheek, depending on where on the cheek, is on or near the acupuncture meridian for the bladder…

    you may benefit from some herbs and internal treatment besides anti-b’s. the cyst could be your FRIEND, telling you you’re not healed yet. some topical stuff just might not cut it.

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 7:09pm

  671. 671: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    A lady parts chat!!!! I want in :)


    half cup kosher salt (sea salt)
    quarter cup( or sloppy splash of apple cider venegar
    few drops of tea tree oil
    and if you are already in possession: teaspoon flax seed oil (not too much cuz it makes the bathtub really slick:)

    I used flax in my hair, salad dressings, and as a moisturizer on my skin (it can get pricy and must be refrigerated so not very portable)

    thanks Lizzie :) I forgot about flax :) maybe I’ll go drink some (good for moodiness too :)

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 7:09pm

  672. 672: LizzieNo Gravatar says:

    Dorothea – you are only 25?! you are one seriously awesome chick!! You are half my age and have the wisdom of someone twice my age. And I will happily say, that if you are anything like me, those aspirations of making a difference, will never go away and you will continue to roll boulders up mountains and when everyone else has given up you will prevail – and when you are my age, you will still believe, all the way into the depths of your soul, that you will and are changing the world. :-)

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 7:10pm

  673. 673: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    oh, sorry –
    if you have the athletes foot stuff, you can apply that as an ointment for your cystic acne after doing step 3 twice. and forget step 4.

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 7:12pm

  674. 674: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    Nikita – what is your bath for?

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 7:13pm

  675. 675: ButteryNo Gravatar says:

    Hi, I just need to process.

    Haven’t spoken to my man for 3 days – I was out of town.

    I just called him and it went to his voicemail.
    Left a message, in a weird quivering voice. Not confident.

    I feel anxious, I feel a heaviness in my chest. I miss him.
    I feel afraid of opening my heart to someone unavailable.

    I feel uncertain that I can be happy with him.

    I love myself, I love my insecurity, my vulnerability.
    I love and accept myself

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 7:17pm

  676. 676: LizzieNo Gravatar says:

    hmmm, Daria, closure is about anxiety and control….and I am extremely tired and stressed. This is insightful…seems I slip directly into my “shadow” side when I am experiencing fatigue, stress, and anxiety….and I am on antibiotics because I played with a guy….oh god…..thank you sweetheart

    I love my anxiety, now I can relax from it
    I love the intensity of control, now I can let it go
    I love my extreme fatigue, now I will be able to rest
    I love my stress, now I will focus more effectively so that I can lighten the load to something more manageable
    I love myself
    I will look after myself

    and if I take Nikita’s bath, I shall feel like a salad….yummy crispy salad….

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 7:19pm

  677. 677: LizzieNo Gravatar says:

    Dorothea, Nikita is turning us into deliscious salad….with just a hint of forrest pine….yummy….

    Or, it might be man repellant….can you imagine?

    Too bad it won’t make bubbles….imagine the possibilities!

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 7:21pm

  678. 678: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:


    I don’t know about leaning forward to create closure but these words of yours sound perfect for the next time one of them calls you:

    I don’t feel the pleasant flow of delight we had together earlier in the year. What do you think?

    I like this sentence so much, I’m stealing it. I think it might come in handy for me later. It’s good to be prepared; I was a girl scout. Thank very much you.


    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 7:21pm

  679. 679: LizzieNo Gravatar says:

    Aren’t we a bunch of salad fixin’s –

    athletes’ foot cream on my face
    olive oil for my lady bits
    flax oil for my hair
    kosher salt – becasuse that does feel amazing rubbed on the skin

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 7:23pm

  680. 680: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    awww Lizzie – hugs…

    i feel happy that i learned much about my body from bladder infections… i got bladder infections when i had sex with men and didn’t feel al the way good about it emotionally…i searched and searched for physical only causes that made sense but have come to conclusion that for me it was an emotional thing –
    it feels surprising that right now im having vestiges of symptoms of stuff in my urinary tract…

    i think it may be that my body is preparing to have my period and healing things as well as undergoing tranformation and some effort…

    love to my body


    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 7:23pm

  681. 681: NikitaNo Gravatar says:


    everything….itchy skin, rebalancing lady parts, soothing lady parts, relaxation, drawing toxins out of the skin, sloughing off dead skin cells, and great if you feel a flu coming on….or just for pampering and maintenance-

    it is my go-to remedy for life…along with acidophilus

    I always wanted to learn how to make homemade candles…. aaww….that feels so girly

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 7:24pm

  682. 682: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:


    UH, I mean ” thank you very much.”

    obvious a former Nigerian non-grammarian dating site scammer spammer… 😳 I’m a little dyslexic…

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 7:24pm

  683. 683: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    heres Rori’s breakthru article on no closure:

    Don’t Let Go, Don’t Resolve, Forget Closure and Stay On Your Horse

    How can you move forward in your life without “letting go” of him? And still “dump him” and “stop contact”?

    This is a jump off of the last post, inspired by the comments. Here are two that sparked me:

    Erika said:
    “…sometimes if I ignore a guy, I actually end up thinking about him MORE. It feels all unresolved.”

    Then JasonSavage said:
    “I advocate resolve through actively ignoring him and simple acts of symbolic detachment.”

    And Daria, too, talks about really loving having men around her and feeling good about it.

    The thing here is this – J, in the letter that started the original post, does NOT feel good with the “ex” who’s contacting her at this moment. The idea of friendship is NOT clear and easy and about …friends. It’s all clouded and complex and involves all kinds of triggers. And this was not a Circular Dating relationship – this was BEFORE J figured out how to Circular Date – this was an exclusive relationship with sex. And she still feels attached and emotional – as would almost ALL of us.

    I often agree with Jason on most of this – and though it’s a very harsh view coming from me, but you can see from Jason how a man sees ANY response we make to a man — no matter what we say, if we respond, the “friendship” is “on.”

    What I’m going to add to this conversation is about what Erika calls “resolve.” This is the same as what I call “closure” – and you know I don’t believe in closure.

    This is the shocking, provoking part of what I say around this kind of thing:

    Don’t even TRY to IMAGINE closure. Forget closure. Forget resolution. Forget tying things up in a nice bundle, all knots untied, everything smoothed out.

    This is just not part of having a real, PASSIONATE life.

    Needing closure is something we women have absolutely been trained for.

    We are perfectionist in many ways, managing things – so much of it comes from our genes – the need to cook, watch the fire, listen for the baby, and ward off intruders all at the same time.

    This need for closure is, I believe – at the bottom of all our womanly stress.

    So, I also say, forget about the whole concept of “letting go.” It’s just not a viable image.

    For me – (and I have a bunch of posts on this…most with horses in the pictures…) the idea is to keep moving down your own road, stick on your path, stay with your horse, keep moving, expanding, breathing, going deeper and deeper into your feelings and your life, becoming more and more passionate about life itself – and just not allowing ANYTHING to distract you. Not allowing anything to “capture” you and throw you off balance and off course.

    You can take a memory of a man with you down your road. You can dream about him when you sleep. You can take from what you had with him that makes you feel good and helps you understand yourself, that helps you riff and process and expand.


    I’m going to say that again. Once a man has outlived his usefulness in his concrete, human form – once his presence makes you go backwards and into your head and out of your body and feeling not good about yourself – you don’t want him around. Period. You’re done. He’s history.

    But that doesn’t mean he’s left the planet, or left your psyche.

    He might still be in your rock band, or in your theater company, or at your yoga class, or sweating next to you at your gym, or sitting next to you at your work. He might be the father of your children. He might be a superstar you see on billboards and hear about from friends and strangers every day. He could be your lawyer, or your coach, or your children’s friend’s father.

    It doesn’t mean he has nothing to offer you – even if it’s only a reminder of what you DON’T want.

    And it doesn’t mean you have to be especially nice to him, or welcoming, or reasonable.

    And it doesn’t mean you have to notice him much, or think about him, or wonder about him, or talk about him.

    It just means he’s there. He still lives and breathes.

    It’s not about “reality.” It’s about “energy.”

    And this isn’t hocus-pocus or magic, because it’s not about HIS energy – it’s about YOURS.

    The simple truth is – if you stop FIGHTING your feelings for him and pull toward him, and thoughts about him – and simply REFOCUS your mind, body and heart around something NEW – something that FEELS GOOD – something that’s MEANINGFUL to you – it will overpower the energy you’re showering on this undeserving man.

    So – instead of rituals and symbolic acts to LET GO of him (because then it’s STILL all about HIM…) what we need here is rituals and symbolic acts to hang onto, hold onto, embrace, worship and adore OURSELVES.

    The result we’re going for is not to free HIM – but to free US.

    Can you imagine what that would look like and feel like?

    What would it look like and feel like to feel free as a bird around your thoughts and feelings about a man? To be able to do what makes you happy even though thoughts of him and about him continue to intrude?

    I guarantee you that if you find things to immerse yourself in – things that capture your attention in a wonderful, fulfilling and satisfying way…they will way outshine any man’s old, worn-out pull on you. Your light will expose the shabbiness of the man, the obsolescence of him.

    You’ll start to feel this: “Done.”

    It’s not about “over.” It’s not about “forgetting.” It’s not about “Letting Go” so you “don’t” have a mental, physical or emotional experience around him when he isn’t actually there. It’s about just getting so passionate about yourself and what you love in life that you become bored by him.

    Most of the time, a man who is not good for us came into our lives for one reason: We invited him in as a “do-over.”

    It could be a do-over of our childhoods, when the only way we could get love and attention was by working our butts off.

    It could be a do-over of a trauma where we felt helpless to take care of ourselves.

    It could be a do-over of a mistake that feels desperately like it needs “closure” and “mastery.”

    Forget about all that.

    Instead – focus on being kind to yourself. Focus on what you like. On what makes you feel good. Do that. Think that. Take yourself there.

    Erika talks a lot about EFT – Emotional Freedom Technique, and I love the technique too – here’s one little piece of it I’m going to apply to this post:

    Say to yourself: “Even though I feel attached to this man and drawn to have closure with him, I deeply and profoundly love and accept myself.”

    Then get back on your horse and ride – with him or without him, whether he’s hanging onto the saddle, gripping you for dear life, or trying to get you to stop and let him on, or whether you’re holding him with one hand behind you as you ride on.

    The important thing is NOT what HE’S doing, or where HE is.

    The important thing is that YOU are RIDING ON!!!

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 7:26pm

  684. 684: LizzieNo Gravatar says:

    I am so happy! thank you Lady Vibe – and what salad item are you this evening????

    Buttery is here too….maybe we can serve our salad with chibata bread dipped in buttery butter….

    OK – enough silliness! I must go and work on a report for tomorrow morning – and I won’t lean over and dump men. I might though, dump married guy but I will let that simmer for now.

    – that is a terrific sentence, I better keep it on my list as well….
    Thank you,

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 7:27pm

  685. 685: LizzieNo Gravatar says:

    I rather liked : thank very much you! :-)

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 7:30pm

  686. 686: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    697: Lizzie says:
    “dry skin on large body parts? I discovered a remedy that I used for hot-flashes: omega 3 oil. I buy a bottle of flax seed oil in 1-litre bottles and put about 2 tablespoons in juice – guava juice is the best – stir and drink it down.”

    Thanks for the tip. I’ll get some this week! I’m getting 5-HTP also which somebody here recommended for general well-being.



    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 7:32pm

  687. 687: LizzieNo Gravatar says:

    so Nikita do we drink this potion? or just bath in it? or make hot compresses? or all of the above.

    this is a test. and there is a prize….

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 7:32pm

  688. 688: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    Did anyone do the Cherry Norris call today? I got busy and couldn’t make the call. Any good stuff there?


    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 7:35pm

  689. 689: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    What daria said about her infections being emotionally connected feels true for me too but with a recurring rash I have. It’s not just about discomfort with the man I’m sleeping with but also unloving feelings toward my lady bits. feeling self conscious about them. it’s literally a physical manifestation to the self serving end of keeping them hidden. or out of sex when i’m not feeling emotionally safe

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 7:35pm

  690. 690: LizzieNo Gravatar says:

    Daria – this is brilliant –

    …”but you can see from Jason how a man sees ANY response we make to a man — no matter what we say, if we respond, the “friendship” is “on.””

    Thank you so much for the re-post. You have helped me.

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 7:36pm

  691. 691: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    i want to acknowledge and ‘treat’ my feelings before they manifest physically as something i have to treat topically

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 7:38pm

  692. 692: Amy F.No Gravatar says:

    Thanks for re-posting Rori’s wisdom about non-closure. I will have to read this several times, but I know it to be true. Something just shifted the first time I read it. Who needs him in person if it does not feel good? You can carry the parts of him that felt good and keep them close. I love it!


    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 7:48pm

  693. 693: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    Don’t Let Go, Don’t Resolve, Forget Closure and Stay On Your Horse

    Rori Raye: ” It’s about just getting so passionate about yourself and what you love in life that you become bored by him…”



    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 7:51pm

  694. 694: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Hey Jaqueline, I’m not really sure how the anger thing applies to femininity and if it’s healthy not to express it. I was just sharing my recent personal experience that expressing anger hasn’t seemed to create the connection I am looking for or inspired the person I’m speaking to want to hear my feelings. So I’m experimenting a bit with it.

    I’m feeling things out and experimenting. I don’t feel qualified to say what is best for everyone tho’.

    Best wishes,

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 7:55pm

  695. 695: GirlNo Gravatar says:

    Daria!!! Girl, I feel worried that you’re going to wind up homeless!! Wouldn’t it be easier to just get a job?

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 7:59pm

  696. 696: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    723: Lizzie says:
    I rather liked : thank very much you!

    Me too! 😆

    Salad wise…I’m a tomato, of course!

    I hope your antibiotic has already kicked in for the cystitis but it’s always good to take a large glass tumbler with you to the bathroom so you can fill it with cool water and pour over yourself as you “go.”


    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 8:01pm

  697. 697: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Lizzie, SLV!

    “I don’t feel the pleasant flow of delight we had together earlier in the year. What do you think?”


    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 8:01pm

  698. 698: GirlNo Gravatar says:

    I feel worried that the question was dunked in judgment. But I don’t feel like I’m far from where you’re at – I’m certain that my mom has been embarrassed to tell people her daughter is a waitress. So…anyhoo…I’m hoping money comes rushing your way. You are so gifted and what you have is so valuable. I can’t wait to see what happens when your gifts are tapped into in a way that is lucrative and thrilling!

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 8:04pm

  699. 699: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Girl – i don’t mind winding up homeless as much as i’d mind “just getting a job”!


    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 8:09pm

  700. 700: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    ohh even if u have a ‘serious’ job (in quotes for a reason) it’s still not pride-worthy enough for plenty of parents. screw trying to please them (outside of them sincerely wanting to see better for you). it’s like I’M the one who does the work at my job,so keep feeling embarassed about something that has NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU. jeez. rude. parents can be so rude. this feels funny to say to me because it sounds disrespectful but i may have not come out of this concept that i had as a kid of parents never being wrong or impolite.

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 8:11pm

  701. 701: NikitaNo Gravatar says:


    what a great question and I am really glad you asked that question!

    We do not drink it. Please never ingest or drink or swallow tea tree oil.
    So, I use this concoction for bathing only. (i also dip my hair in-just feels good)
    I have never done compresses though I do hear often of their wonders.
    Flax oil is optional in the bath for moisture. My experience was if I added it to the bath I could skip moisturizing my legs after.
    Apple cider vinegar and the coarse (kosher) salt are the only two ingredients really required… inexpensive and invigorating….it is advised not to stay in the bath more than 20 minutes or so….that is the time suggested where all cleansing and relaxation benefits have occurred and before any toxins begin re-entering the skin (epidermal layer).
    ONLY apple cider vinegar-NOT white!!!! ok…


    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 8:12pm

  702. 702: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you Girl!

    I am determined to only do what I want to do and what feels good to me…

    possibly at some point different things will start feeling good than what feels good now

    i am Really connected to my guidance and divinity at this time and feeling very happy with my life and paths and ME

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 8:13pm

  703. 703: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:


    a woman i know who heads up a group i’ve worked with’s daughter has an upper respiratory infection and asthma and has to go to the ER. How do I know this? BECAUSE SHE POSTED ABOUT IT ON FACEBOOK. “off to the ER with daughter…upper resp. stuff has brought her asthma back full force…‌”

    omg lady stop posting on fb and take your daighter to the hospital.

    i feel judgmental because i have felt judged by her in the past. i feel elated by my indignation and the opportunity to see weakness in HER like it somehow makes the weakness she thought she saw in me less glaring.

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 8:16pm

  704. 704: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:


    a woman i know who heads up a group i’ve worked with’s daughter has an upper respiratory infection and asthma and has to go to the ER. How do I know this? BECAUSE SHE POSTED ABOUT IT ON FACEBOOK. “off to the ER with daughter…upper resp. stuff has brought her asthma back full force…‌”

    omg lady stop posting on fb and take your daughter to the hospital. Maybe you can reach out to the fb world about it in an hour “at the morgue to ID daughter to coroner. Didn’t make it to ER in time.”

    i feel judgmental because i have felt judged by her in the past. i feel elated by my indignation and the opportunity to see weakness in HER like it somehow makes the weakness she thought she saw in me less glaring.

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 8:17pm

  705. 705: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    about that salad…when I begin making/preparing the bath I envision myself as elmer fudd slicing carrots and celery over tumbling water….and I simultaneously envision/embody bugs bunny luxuriating fabulously while this “boy” draws “her” a bath….. really. because I love bugs bunny and I love bugs more in drag 😉

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 8:20pm

  706. 706: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    I feel angry that i was judged period. and no wi feel furious and relieved too that the person who judged me is striking me as incompetent.

    how would i feel if she never judged me? i would still think she was a messed up fb crack head who cares more about getting attention than caring for her daughter.

    woah judgment.

    f*ck. where do i go from here?

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 8:21pm

  707. 707: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:


    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 8:22pm

  708. 708: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    True personal story…

    My last name is a foreign word for lame or lazy. Whenever I would meet someone from that country, o would ask them what my last name mean, hoping to get a different answer, but I always got the same answer.

    I felt really bummed about this. It almost felt like a curse or something. I didn’t feel comfortable changing my last name, but I definitely thought about it. I felt bummed every time I said my last name. I felt embarrassed.

    Well within the past month, I found out that it is also a mantra for groundedness and abundance. Now, whenever I say my last name I feel elated and confident.

    I feel glowy just telling y’all this story.

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 8:22pm

  709. 709: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    mmm i love my fb crackhead parts… ??

    but seriously, i would go a lil deeper and “see what this reminded me of in the past” and then go hug my lil girl who got triggered by it

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 8:24pm

  710. 710: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Bugs bunny in drag is possibly the best thing I’ve ever seen.

    And I’ve seen a lot of really cool sh*t

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 8:25pm

  711. 711: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    oh and Dorothea, SLV, Lizzie,

    A tall glass of cool water with two drops of tea-tree oils…. “waterfalled”-or waterwheeled 😉
    as your tinkling may feel way good- and restore comfort if you are going through emotional triggers that are trying to get your attention in other areas in the physical form….

    I take a cool tumbler after love-making 😉

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 8:25pm

  712. 712: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    lazy = groundedness and abundance! yes! this rezonates with me


    my favorite Daria quote

    “lazy is way underrated”

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 8:25pm

  713. 713: NikitaNo Gravatar says:


    LOL. word.

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 8:25pm

  714. 714: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Wow, I’m judging myself as conceited for saying I’ve seen a lot of cool sh*t

    thank you nv’s

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 8:26pm

  715. 715: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    oh STOP! you have been to BURNING MAN that would be like a PHD in cool SH*T

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 8:31pm

  716. 716: NikitaNo Gravatar says:


    I apologize for trying to tell you to “STOP”. I meant it playfully and I hope that counts for somethin 😉

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 8:32pm

  717. 717: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Ya, I did see some really cool sh*t there but nothing even half as cool as bugs in drag.

    I don’t feel triggered by directives when I know they are in jest :-)

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 8:45pm

  718. 718: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    lazy is not some exclusive club where you can ONLY be lazy and nothing else to be part of it. you can be a hard worker and also lazy. you can be a busy body and a bad worker. i don’t like this word lazy, so i was putting it in quotes. lazy lazy lazy. it’s feels really good in my mouth to say that. the liquid L and the vibratey ZZZZZ. the sly smile that says EEEEEEEE



    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 8:48pm

  719. 719: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    “Good Vibe University

    ‎”Let the money make itself”

    – loving this thought shared by Mitch in the Money Party Forum!”

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 9:05pm

  720. 720: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    goin on CD!

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 9:06pm

  721. 721: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    I’m feeling terribly triggered to the point of disgust around hearing talk of slapping squirrels. I feel so sorry for defenseless, innocent animals. I hit a squirrel with my car tonight when it suddenly changed direction and ran under my tires, and I felt like throwing up. I want to judge, and I feel so bad because I know I must speak only for myself. I’m going to pour love all over myself and compassion, too, and let it slop over onto anyone else who wants it. Even though I’m triggered, I feel God inside me and I feel love. I feel like an instrument of love, and I’m just learning how to play me. I feel helpless and miserable because I feel helpless to change what I want to change.

    I read an autobiography of Nicky Cruz, who used to be the leader of the Mau Mau’s gang in NYC in the 60s. He had a violent upbringing and was filled with anger and hatred. He would go up to the roof of his 25 story apartment building and twist the necks of pigeons up there at night. I feel concerned that anyone who hurts defenseless animals or even talks about it could hurt people. It would feel so good to share stories of helping injured animals or other kindnesses to them. What do you think/feel?

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 9:11pm

  722. 722: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    I feel wonderful decorating the goddess temple.

    I have this lovely white parasol that someone gave me at burning man when I was caught unexpectedly out in the blazing sun.

    I just hung it so that it covers up this not so attractive light fixture and it looks soooo beautiful. The light is soft now as it filters through the parasol.


    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 9:22pm

  723. 723: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Brenda: are you open to feedback?

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 9:26pm

  724. 724: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    P.s. Brenda. I feel very proud of you right now. I can see that you are trying to use feeling messages and not make judgements and I think you are doing a ggod job. I have a little feedback on how it affected me. If you don’t feel open to hearing right now, I understand.

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 9:29pm

  725. 725: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    Yes, I am open. TY!

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 9:34pm

  726. 726: JacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    @ Brenda, I’m here for you!!!

    and Mai – I am horribly allergic to tea tree oil!! Badly – and if you ingest it it can damage your liver – as a massage therapist, I have used a lot of essential oils, etc. Made blends and sold them. Dry brushing is great – but you are supposed to only brush in the way your circulatory system goes – so it’s always towards the heart – you might want to look it up.

    My best suggestion would be internal OILS – such as fish oil, borage oil, evening primrose oils if you have hormonal issues….they make a blend as well. Alphalinieolic oils is what you’re after – I’m sure I spelled that wrong. And oatmeal with some oil in the bath is very soothing. And Aveeno makes some specifically get the red out soothing lotions.

    My best selling oil was a blend of sea salt, epsom salt, jojoba oil and some aromatherapy mix.

    However, salt and vinegar can be very drying….

    of all the oils, jojaba is the most like the natural oil your skin produces. Have you ever tried it? Second to that I like peanut oil. In massage school we used plain old canola oil!

    Good luck!!!


    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 9:39pm

  727. 727: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    brenda, i feel unsure of what to say because i’ve never felt that strongly for animals. but i am hearing that you feel so sad thinking about animal cruelty and the poor squirrel that decided its destiny was under your goddessmobile, and you could use some cheering up pronto with some positive stories about helping animals.

    ok…well i have fish. lots and lots of little fish and a big plecostymous (spelling?) that I ‘adopted’ from someone who was going to send them to fishy heaven in the sewers of Denver if I didn’t. I never wanted fish or the responsibility but it pained me to think about dumping your pets, and now that I have them, I have learned so much about energy and life from how they react to me or to each other or their tank. So in the end we rescued each other.

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 9:40pm

  728. 728: GirlNo Gravatar says:

    On Dancing With The Stars, Jennifer Grey executed an effective “Walk Away” – exciting..

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 9:42pm

  729. 729: JacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    and Buttery – ugh, the three day mark!! good luck, and hope you get some rest…

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 9:48pm

  730. 730: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Girl, I wish I had seen that! Jennifer Grey is my reason for watching DWTS this season!

    Dorothea, Thank you! Cool that you rescued the fishies.

    Jacqueline, thank you for the info on oils and other treatments! What works well as a natural antifungal is coconut oil! Bill does that for his rosacia, and he is a biologist! He said since he takes coconut oil he doesn’t get athletes foot anymore. He puts it on corn, altho that doesn’t appeal to me. I’d rather fry blueberry pancakes in it! With real maple syrup! Mmm!

    Jordan Rubin is a naturopathic physician and he speaks highly of the health benefits of coconut oil, as well as goat dairy, which is easier to digest than cow dairy.

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 9:52pm

  731. 731: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    I feel WEIRD
    my landlord found my blog
    i told him i had new work contact information in an email, he emailed back congratulations, and would i want to renew the lease? I said yes. He said sounds good, and that I (me) have an interesting blog! I have never met him and I have never shown him a blog. Anyway, now I see that he googled my new company name and my name together and found my blog because my email address is on the same page as a word that is a typo away from my company’s name and found my blog. I feel self conscious and stalked! And I’m stuffing it down cuz i love my apartment and don’t want to leave and have had a bunch of freaking over the line landlords and don’t want to believe i have yet another one.

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 9:52pm

  732. 732: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    I would feel very concerned if I were in a situation like that. Internet stuff is too out there. Yuck.

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 9:54pm

  733. 733: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    I’m about to use a bunch of feeling messages on a woman at work who just took over the project I’ve been on with Bill since December. She thinks teamwork means control freak. She hijacked the spreadsheet I worked so hard on and deleted entire columns. Thank God this position ends at the end of November, but I might give my notice and end it before then if I continue to feel so disrespected.

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 9:57pm

  734. 734: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    Epsom Salts
    Epsom salt baths provide a broad spectrum cleanser, clearing lymphatic congestion, removing some heavy metals (mercury, lead, aluminum, arsenic), and eliminating residual radiation from medical tests (X-rays or CAT scans), computer monitors and televisions, and UV exposure from frequent air travel. It is also helpful for chemical exposure — automobile exhaust, solvents, formaldehyde, glues, styrofoam, synthetic perfumes, printer and copier toners, art supplies, printing inks, particle board, household cleaning items, as well as chemical residues in foods or from inoculations.9 This is an important general maintenance bath for hospital personnel, computer operators, workers around toxic chemicals and those who fly regularly.

    Epsom salts (magnesium sulfate) are a smooth muscle relaxant and will help with muscle strains and pain. They will induce profuse sweating. The high saline concentration makes the bath water more dense than the body’s interstitial fluids. Consequently, osmotic pressure pulls toxin-laden fluids out of the body.

    This bath should be taken as hot as is tolerable, for 12-15 minutes, 1-4 pounds of Epsom salts in a full bathtub is recommended (the more salt, the more perspiration). Acupunctur-ist and health educator Irene Newmark suggests 2 pounds as a maintenance bath, for clearing lymphatics and the energetic body, and 4 pounds for radiation. Former AOBTA president Carl Dubitsky recommended a much higher concentration — 12-16 pounds for the first detox bath and 8-12 pounds for subsequent baths. One every three days is the maximum frequency, as this bath can have a draining effect.

    Apple Cider Vinegar
    Apple cider vinegar baths restore a natural pH to the skin and hair, as well as rejuvenate and build up the body’s resistance. This bath helps restore acid mantle protection to the skin, which is lost from swimming and from routine use of soaps on the skin. Thus, apple cider vinegar baths help combat “unfriendly” bacteria, fungal overgrowth, and are helpful with vaginal and bladder infections. Apple cider vinegar baths are soothing to the skin, alleviating itchiness, poison ivy and sunburn discomfort. As with all hot baths, it causes the pores to open and aids in general systemic detoxification.

    Make certain to use pure, unprocessed apple cider vinegar. Commercial vinegars have lost much of the mineral content and make for a weak electrolyte solution. Apple cider vinegar contains potassium, phosphorus, natural sodium, magnesium, natural fluoride, iron, silicon, sulfur, and other trace minerals which are nourishing to the skin. Use 2-4 cups in a hot bath.

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 10:00pm

  735. 735: HoneyNo Gravatar says:

    Lizzie –

    I like what you wrote for married guy. There’s nothing wrong with closure. IMO, there’s only a problem if we insist on having it WITH someone. Closure is really about acceptance. You can come to acceptance without having resolution with someone. For example, you can just accept that things will never be understood or resolved, and be at peace in that acceptance, and keep on riding your horse.

    To me, your letter sounds like a very gracious good-bye. It is an acknowledgement and a thank you for what you have received from the relationship. The closure comes, not from sending it to Married Guy, but in the act of writing it and processing it for yourself, whether you send it or not. But if you send it, Married Guy may treasure it. I would be a parting gift. But it is up to him if or how he chooses to receive it.

    I like what you wrote. It sounded real and heartfelt and honest. Whether you send it or not, I’m glad you wrote it for yourself.

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 10:06pm

  736. 736: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Brenda, I feel glad that you are open. I feel connected to you and that feels good.

    I felt close to you when I read the first paragraph. I felt understanding of the pain you were going through. I could feel your heart. The second paragraph felt thinking. Like being in our heads.

    Ya, I feel sad too about animals being hurt. I hit a squirrel on accident in the same way, it swerved under my car and I felt terrible. I felt a little better knowing that the little squirrelly was going to Squirrel heaven. I felt kinda good imagining him there.

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 10:06pm

  737. 737: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    closure is overrated. that’s my story and I’m sticking to it 😉

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 10:09pm

  738. 738: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    I feel confused about why brenda’s comment is being analyzed for communication style. did she ask for this and i didn’t see it?

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 10:09pm

  739. 739: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    I’m feel certain Daria was joking. I don’t really feel the “squirrel slapper” vibe from her…but hy, ya never know. :-)

    but I hear you, the idea of animal cruelty feels horrible.

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 10:11pm

  740. 740: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Dorothea: I asked if she was open for feedback and she said she was.

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 10:14pm

  741. 741: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    LG, I mean before that?

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 10:16pm

  742. 742: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    Thanks for the feedback! I receive that.

    Now what I’m about to ask is an honest question, not sarcastic, even tho it sounds sarcastic. I honestly don’t want to come across as a brainless bimbo to any man. So when we have something to express that simply can’t be put into a feeling message, are we supposed to just act brainless?

    Knocksoftly, I relate. I understand she said it to be funny. And it was funny the way she said it. I wonder if she means it.

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 10:17pm

  743. 743: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Nikita and all, have you heard of doing an acv hair rinse? And do you know what exactly they mean by rinse? Do I rinse with plain water after the acv? I feel confused.

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 10:18pm

  744. 744: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    OMG I feel AMUSED thinking anyone would seriously wonder if daria engages in animal cruelty. she has a happy adorable cat and she doesn’t torture it hahahahaha
    i feel really amused. this all feels really cute.

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 10:20pm

  745. 745: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    i won’t do acv in the hair because i have had it treated with natural keratin, so acv would eat at the protein in the treatment… but the treatment is remarkable and has better, longer lasting results than acv or anything else you can do. getting my hair treated like this has changed my life and i totally recommend it

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 10:24pm

  746. 746: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    I have a small rose bush by my gate, and it got two new mini blossoms today…just for you! :-)

    And 7 shiny balloons for you with cartoon characters!

    Love and hugs,

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 10:24pm

  747. 747: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    yes my girl does the rinse and she says her hair is more manageable and softer…I use the acv rinse on the pup to remove and shampoo residue. I do a clean rinse after on the pup but not super thorough….the acv odor fades once the hair dries. experiment! :) you said the ram is away for a week, right? it might be a great time.

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 10:25pm

  748. 748: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    I saw a documentary once on African tribes, and one tribe used urine in their hair to bleach it. Ewww!

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 10:25pm

  749. 749: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Brenda: hmmm, in that situation I would maybe say something like

    “I’m feeling at a loss for words right now”

    Initially, I wanted to elaborate on that but keeping it really simple feels good to me right now.

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 10:26pm

  750. 750: NikitaNo Gravatar says:


    really ? is it kinda harsh and does it take away curls or waves?

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 10:27pm

  751. 751: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    i know you say ewww but if you think about it, bleach is actually a lot grosser than urine.

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 10:29pm

  752. 752: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    I am sure saying I am at a loss for words is wise. But it feels stifling. It feels like Scarlet saying to Rhet on “Gone With the Wind”, “I don’t know how!” She is my role model of a brainless bimbo. Do I want to be a brainless bimbo? Not so much.

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 10:30pm

  753. 753: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    Can’t argue with you there. I’m a natural brunette and Revlon Color Stay makes sure I STAY a natural brunette! 😛

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 10:32pm

  754. 754: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    it took my fro out and i have pretty, long wavy hair now. it made my hair smoother and shinier so i can pull it back without any frizz in front or on top and when i straighten it my hair looks like a barbie doll’s haha. really nice. not harsh at all. ulta does it for 190 bucks. totally worth it. it cut my straightening time by 2/3 and for the first time in my life i can hop out of the shower and put a little product in my hair and leave and look amazing.

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 10:33pm

  755. 755: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    wow, I feel curious now. I have never seen gone with the wind but I have had a few people say I am “so Scarlett O’hara”…..huh. I don’t exactly feel triggered but….wow…..brainless bimbo…. mmm….I feel very curious about this Scarlett character/heroine now.

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 10:35pm

  756. 756: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    i think anyone can benefit from keratin complex.

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 10:35pm

  757. 757: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    I have an issue with facial hair. If I am a feminine siren, doesn’t it stand to reason that I am so oozing with estrogen and progestorene that I won’t have any facial hair? Yes, it’s reasonable. But I’m a brainless bimbo so my face hasn’t figgered it out yet!

    My other question is if I am a feminine siren, shouldn’t my toenails be naturally pearly pink without me needing to paint them? Why does my makeup smear?

    And why are you Sirens keeping me up til 2 am? I have to get my beauty rest!!!

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 10:36pm

  758. 758: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Dorothea: I still feel a little unsure of what you are talking about.

    If it’s about me saying I feel proud of Brenda for using feeling messages, I said that because she told me yesterday that she was practing them and making swift progress and it felt really cool to see her using them with a topic she feels so strongly about. She also said in her post that she wanted to judge and she wasn’t. And it feels really hard for me to not judge too sometimes, and I felt proud of her.

    I feel kinda ick right now. I’m wondering why I feel the need to explain this.

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 10:36pm

  759. 759: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    I don’t know why you are explaining all that either if it feels bad to you. i was just confused.

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 10:38pm

  760. 760: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    I think anyone can benefit from kissing frogs. Thank you, frogs. I am like Thomas Edison with inventing the light bulb. After 100 experiments, instead of being discouraged, he said, “I am 100 tries closer to discovering the light bulb!” And he figgered it out.

    So thank you, all you scammer frogs, sex maniac frogs, alcoholic frogs, inmate frogs, jerk frogs, nerd frogs. I am 100 frogs closer to kissing my prince!!

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 10:39pm

  761. 761: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    i feel ick now too and i don’t like it. i don’t know what to do with this but i want to go wash my hair and that should feel awesome.

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 10:39pm

  762. 762: JacquelineNo Gravatar says:

    @Brenda – I have SIX Betty Boop dolls now (they’re dressed in different eras! one is madonaa, one has white disco boots and the latest is a pumpkin with green pumps….2 cute!)…. from the claw machine and two Pooh Bears – I am a master of that machine. So thank you very much! I love being a child at heart.

    And, if it pleases you, may I dedicate the roses to the squirrel angel? I once hit a bird and I so know what you’re going through. Love never dies, energy never dies – animals are very close to source energy which is love….so that baby is a very bright light tonite and is at peace – I hope you will be, too.

    And sleep well – heee and I love the Bill and coconut oil – cuz I bet he’s skinny!!!! and that’s really brilliant, too for the antifungal.

    Thanks, all and g’nite!


    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 10:41pm

  763. 763: NikitaNo Gravatar says:


    I dunno :( i looked at the link thx…. but I have an amazing mane of wild sexy hair…. and I would like to see it barbie doll silky if I blew it out….but my LI loves it wild and curlicious….. I dunno if I’d want it to do anything like a “texturizer” or whatever… I would welcome it appearing longer tho… can you convince me 😉 ?

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 10:41pm

  764. 764: DorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    it is still wild and awesome when not straightened. just in a better way. i can’t convince you but i recommend it big time.

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 10:45pm

  765. 765: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    So anyway, I went with Lucy tonight to a POF event! It was REALLY fun! It was this Bohemian small cafe and it looked like a hole in the wall in the city in a very nondescript neighborhood with peeling paint on the walls and icky, worn floors. But after I got done being judgmental, we found the people to be really nice and down to earth!

    There was a live band of three, and it was so small that the main room was like the size of a large bedroom! So they didn’t use mikes and it was just the right volume…laid back folk music and oldies. It felt safer being there with another Siren, and we just relaxed and enjoyed!

    I practiced extended eye contact and it was scary! Two of the men looked away, apparently not interested, and the third was one of the musicians, and he chatted with me off and on between songs! At the end he gave Lucy and me his facebook info. It felt like a weekend day, and now I don’t want to go to work tomorrow. But I gotta. Good times!~

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 10:45pm

  766. 766: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    Do you dress your Betty Boop dolls with different colored bras? LOL! No, Bill is overweight. I think he’s attracted to me even tho he’s gay. It’s just how he looks at me sometimes.

    But I am really missing Ryan, and he’s my Doll Baby!!

    Shut up Brenda! I try to convince myself that I hate him, but I’m still in love with him.

    How would you like three baby kittens? I need to give them up, but I don’t wanna.

    Good night! I feel sleepy and obviously I’m getting silly, seeelllly, seeeeeellllllllyyyyyyyyy!

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 10:49pm

  767. 767: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    Did you ever hear of the Curly Girl haircut? There’s a book called “Curly Girls”. It gives good info on caring for curly hair. One way you can make it look longer is once in a while put it in a ponytail while it’s wet. Then let the pony tail out. It will be partially straightened. Straighteneded.

    Weird Brenda

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 10:51pm

  768. 768: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Where did you all go? Wait! I forgot to tell you I put antibiotic ointment and a bandaid on my boo-boo and it felt goot to take care of myself in that little way.

    Now it’s time to go snuggle with three tiny kittens and two big doggers. Nitey-nite.

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 10:56pm

  769. 769: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    OHHH I feel so excited! my CD was overweight… (for american standards – he’s polynesian) and i felt ATTRACTED to him ! this is great!

    it super confirms to me that … its all about a man’s Presence…


    and also, that i am really able to open up to more and more men!

    this is freakin great!

    it’s like i get sent diff men, i spend time with them, and then i WIDEN my pooll of men i feel attracted to

    this is so great – i want to choose a guy that i feel great around – That’s my criteria!

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 11:05pm

  770. 770: NikitaNo Gravatar says:


    how long has this taurus been a lover?

    I the bull lover, asking sincerely

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 11:07pm

  771. 771: NikitaNo Gravatar says:


    that was fast!!

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 11:08pm

  772. 772: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Ooo Brenda. I misunderstood your question.

    I thought you were asking what would a siren say if she was trying to formulate a feeling message but couldn’t come up with it.

    Now I see that you were asking what if it’s something that can’t be expressed in feeling messages.

    Is that right?

    My understanding is that’s where passion stories come in. When we talk about something we feel passionate about. Doesn’t have to be in feeling messages but its a topic that makes us glow when we talk about it.

    If that doesn’t apply, can you give an example of what you mean and we can play with it?

    POF event sounds super fun!

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 11:09pm

  773. 773: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Nikita: I still don’t get what they mean by rinse. :-( pouty face

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 11:10pm

  774. 774: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i DID torture my cat MUAHAHHAHA

    well just stretched him a lot and grabbed him around without his express permission

    and so he has turned out like a regular member of my family


    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 11:12pm

  775. 775: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    A little note to Brenda and KS’s nv’s:

    I politely requested that you stop beating these beautiful sirens up for missing these men.

    Even though these men didn’t always treat them as well as they deserved, these sirens had lots of lovely moments with these men. They are doing nothing wrong by remembering the good times.

    Here are some cookies. All is well. Thanks for your alertness but these sirens are doing just fine.

    Thank you.

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 11:19pm

  776. 776: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Daria: I knew it!

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 11:20pm

  777. 777: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    shampoo your hair. rinse shampoo out clean. get handy squeeze bottle with acv/diluted in some water. pour over head. inhale. you are now a salad 😀
    put head back in do a gentle rinse out of the acv mix or brave it and exit the show…style or not :) as usual. put mirror next to computer in home office…primp while working and determine if next time you want to try rinsing all of the vinegar out (they say it makes the hair shiny)

    I sometimes leave a bit on the pup-but I use the acv with the “mother” in it-it has floating enzymes…(flotsum) and you know what she looks like so it’s easy to spot any mild clumps of un-rinsed enzymes in her hair.

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 11:21pm

  778. 778: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    and how long have you known him outside of the dating part?

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 11:22pm

  779. 779: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i feel very at one with animals (when im not scared of them)

    i sit out meditating by the lagoon… and my energy is super natural so the animals start treating me like an animal and i them

    its really cool to see the egrets claim their space, they will get closer but not too close to me or other egrets

    then a family of racoons showed up, they were gonna come my way but i got afraid… so i did a very animal thing which is puff up my chest and slap the bench with my hands a coupe times, basically drawing their attention that i am here and i feel threatened.

    they noticed and changed the direction somewhat, as they were getting ready to pass withing like 3 feet of me

    i feel really comfy being with animals, esp wild ones,

    but i have felt scared of like, dogs and horses before


    i LOVE bugs tho

    i always save bugs and espeically Spiders and take them outside

    today is my grandmother spider day

    and im celebrating it by putting pictures of sipider on my computer wallpaper and talking and singing to grandmother spider

    Spiraling into the center
    the center of my heart

    spiraling into the center
    the center of my heart

    we are the weavers
    we are the woven ones

    we are the dreamers
    we are the dream


    i am also fond of reptiles, frogs, and snakes

    i am Bendis, Goddess of foresty animals

    i love squirrels

    they love me bec i respect them


    but i would also eat animals, and i bet they would (and will one day) eat me!


    then again i realized, if i would eat cat, (because i was watching a show where in italy they cooked with cat)… and i love and have a bond with my cat,

    i would also eat human! cuz my cat is like my lil brother

    so i got a lil more insight on how it would feel to live in a cannibalistic society


    im good at giving dogs energy massages – when im not scared of them

    i bet if i had a dog i wouldnt be scared anymore – i used to be scared of cats too

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 11:27pm

  780. 780: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Nikita: Awww, cute little pup with mother clumps, that just won’t do.

    I’m so gonna try it! And I’m gonna leave it in! Ya, I’m that wild.

    P.S. Nikita, don’t ever let Daria babysit your pup.

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 11:34pm

  781. 781: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    ohhh… an awesome hair rinse that i will be making myself is NETTLE infusion

    this makes my hair thick healthy and volumized in a way that my fine hair feels unbelieavable

    and it doesnt look or smell weird

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 11:46pm

  782. 782: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    yes i once gave an energy massage (neurolymphatic flush of the spine, just massaging the points on either side of the spine and flushing the enrgy with my hand back and down) to a pit bull and she slept by me and then would jump INTO my car like 10 times when i was leaving

    she never acted like that

    so yeah…

    although i suspect LG meant not to let me babysit for a diff reason…


    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 11:48pm

  783. 783: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i havent eaten a dog but my dad did in china

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 11:50pm

  784. 784: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    my CD was short cuz i kept it that way! yay for short CDs… we walked by the lake and i told him he needs a breath mint, and i still kissed him, he said he’d come more prepared next time

    i like his confidence

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 11:52pm

  785. 785: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i had to slap two squirrels that tried to steal his car! how embarassing!

    Wednesday, 20 October 2010 @ 11:56pm

  786. 786: NikitaNo Gravatar says:


    Ok, thx. So about a year feels right……. Are you dating or at least flirting?

    I’m going to bed soon, just hoping you’re filling your days with some good feelings from men(flirting with guy at the bakery counts)-

    Daria you can massage my pooch….. :)warning-) she’s a tyrant though! Solid muscle!
    All 5 pounds!!!! Lol !

    Looking forward to the update on the hair….

    I made oatmeal with nuts….. Soooo good….yum

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 12:07am

  787. 787: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    Watchout for that D, some of those squirrels have switchblades and helmets

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 12:08am

  788. 788: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    Besides fighting for a man is over functioning lol,Hehe

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 12:09am

  789. 789: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    mmm before the end of the night i will make Mullein infusion… makr my words…

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 12:10am

  790. 790: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Nikita – this is true… sigh… now i feel ashamed … next time i’ll let him handle it… i wonder if he’d impress me with his squirrel dominating abilities

    the guy i used to date that got with my friend (um which one lol – the recent one) got “run off his block” by a squirrel … HA not I

    squirrels and me respectfully conviviate

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 12:18am

  791. 791: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    italian guy worte me “just dropping a line to say you’re perfect”


    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 12:19am

  792. 792: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Daria: please more about the nettle infusion.

    My hair is already pretty gorgeous but I want it to be even better!!!

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 12:21am

  793. 793: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Oh my gosh! I laughed so hard at the vision in my head of two squirrels stealing a car.

    Reminds me of the squirrels at the river here. They will sneak into people’s backpacks and steal their food while the people are swimming in the river. I find it rather endearing.

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 12:24am

  794. 794: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    I’ve been playing around in the goddess temple tonight. Organizing my clothes and I came up with a few really cute outfits. I feel really good and goddessy.

    Brenda, that reminds me. What ever happened with your clothes? I remember you saying you lost a bunch of stuff. I felt bummed to hear that. Was there a silver lining in it?

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 12:28am

  795. 795: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Bueller? Bueller?

    I feel lonely. Where everybody at?

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 12:30am

  796. 796: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i even went out witha guy in the military! he’s hitting me up now

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 12:32am

  797. 797: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Nettle infusion in my hair… i tried it only twice. all i can say is OMG world secret thank you goddess

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 12:33am

  798. 798: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    it was really easy to just put it in a big cup, then take my hair and dunk it fully in there… (that way less infusion got lost)

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 12:34am

  799. 799: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Sweet! Goodnight Daria.

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 1:45am

  800. 800: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    ~How are you at taking the time and space you need for yourself?

    in the morning and at night, i think. I go to my room and meditate, i listen to hypnosis… i sing my song when i wash dishes. i cook for myself. sometimes, when i have smoked, i spend time outside alone, exploring and connecting

    i spend much time alone

    Is it a struggle?

    no, although i feel lonely sometimes, and i easily can get into checking have others said something or wrtten something i can read

    Does it come easily for you?

    mostly yes, and i am practicing saying no when i am asked things in a way that feels inconvenient to me

    ~On this same note, is there anyone you tend to lose your power with that might make it more difficult for you to claim the space you need?

    yes. i lose the power sometimes with my mother, when i feel invaded. sometimes her energy will feel overwhelming to me just from her being in teh house with me, and i feel clouded over

    i lose it sometimes with my father when he demands i do something, tho i have made big progress here

    i feel like i used to lose power with my godsister, i would want to follow her around and admire her energy, while feeling a little less than myself

    i lose it sometimes with my cat, when he demands food and i am eating myself

    ~Is there any one area of your life that you find it challenging to set aside so that you can have time just for you – in solitude or in following the guidance of your spirit?

    yes, i find it challenging to set aside scheduled time for things. i feel resistant to repeating a schedule… in th morning i find it difficult to do the things i pllanned to do in the morning,

    i also sometimes find it challengeing to go outside and take walks or bike on my own… i will wait until someone else will join me

    ~How do you know that you’re at a point of needing time and space alone?

    when i feel sad, and i want to cry, or i feel buzzy headed and tired

    What happens to your mind, your body, your spirit

    my mind will get thoughts of things not working out, i will feel unable to focus or vizualize what i want,

    my body feels lethargic or apathetic, sometimes my kidneys feel drained, my head feeels buzy, my forehead will tighten and my mouth will pout

    my spirit wil feel anxious and desperate

    How do you feel when you hit this point?

    i feel weak, confused,

    What thoughts let you know it’s time to stop and take some space alone?

    im feeling tired, i just want to cry, i feel overwhelmed, ugh im tired of this, i dont want to dea with this, why am in not powerful


    ~Give me some examples of how you spend time alone in solitude and quiet in your life right now in your present-day life.

    ~What are a few things you would love to be able to do alone so that you could sense and feel your own rhythm apart from those around you? ~What do you fantasize about? What would be the perfect “just-for-you” get-away so that you could connect with your own rhythm, inner-guidance and free spirit? ~What one thing can do you this week all alone to follow the call of the wild within you? Just one thing! You can do it! Assignment Two Begin to notice how you feel when you speak your truth, when you act on your own behalf and when you do not. Notice if there are certain areas of your life or certain people with whom you seem to struggle more, in regards to being your authentic self. Take notes about this in your personal Journal.

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 2:14am

  801. 801: JenniferNo Gravatar says:

    Oh, Dorthea….you don’t like yer lady parts? Me neither. Judo man claims that having him photograph your parts is a great way to get to like them….
    what do you think?
    I think no.
    I think screw you pal. I’ll fix my own pon farr ya non-pon farr fixing mofo.
    Looks like Jen might be ticked.
    Ya think?
    Yes, yes. The anger is all about me its a mirror. Bla Bla
    I’m not feeling respectful of the process right now.
    I’m feeling like someone ought to be fixing my pon farr!!!!!
    Had a big cup of ganoderm lucidum (red reishi) extract in hot chocolate before bed. Slept like the dead. didn’t even move.
    feeling sorta energized this AM.
    Still pissy about the pon farr but energized.

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 3:30am

  802. 802: JenniferNo Gravatar says:

    But I do have FANTASTIC boobs.
    Just FYI.

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 3:33am

  803. 803: MaiNo Gravatar says:

    daria, thank you. seriously you are wonderful. big kiss x

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 6:40am

  804. 804: tinqueNo Gravatar says:

    Mai – Seems like Daria et al have you covered in the dry skin remedy department. All suggestions are good ones. You’ll have to experiment to see what works best for you.
    I like dry brushing, and as Jacqueline pointed out, you want to always brush towards your heart. Olive oil, flax seed oil are all great. I make a concoction of lavender or rose petal infused olive oil blended with kokum and illipe butters. Mango butter is another good one.
    Internally omega 3s, yes. I like flax and better still hemp seeds (yes dorothea), ground as needed, or they will lose their nutrients.
    Comfrey is great as a spot treatment but can be used all over too.
    Nettle insusion is awesome for the hair, but so is rosemary infusion.
    Though the effects are good, I don’t like acv. The smell lingers forever on me. I don’t like smelling like a salad. I have the same problem with using olive oil straight.

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 7:48am

  805. 805: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    RE: #807 – My relationship with Ryan started going really bad starting July 2009. I still miss him every day and am barely keeping from contacting him. For me it’s been 18 days since he texted me.

    I am learning to give compassion to my weak parts.

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 7:49am

  806. 806: HoneyNo Gravatar says:

    I like the CONCEPT of CDing, but putting it into practice is so difficult when you have kids at home. So far this week, I went out with one guy Sunday and am seeing him again tomorrow night. I went out with another guy Tues, and he asked me out again for Fri but I was already booked with Guy #1. I’m meeting someone else for coffee today at 11:30. And someone else asked me out, but we haven’t talked on the phone yet.

    Here’s the problem…I’M TIRED, and getting behind on everything else in life. It’s not hard to meet good guys on Match. So here’s the deal…I’m only gonna keep dating someone if I’m really interested. I can’t handle more than 2 in regular rotation, so maybe I could date 1 or 2 and have my 3rd person just be different guys that I’m checking out. I understand dating for practice, but in reality, there is only so much time in a week. And if I’m out with someone and feel like I’d rather be doing something else, I end up feeling resentful. It’s not worth it. Then there’s the fielding of the phone calls. If I’m not feeling it with the guy on Friday after the 3rd date, I’m cutting him lose. The guys I’m going out with are good guys looking for something serious so I’m not stringing them along. The funny thing is, I kinda like the one guy, Dancing Guy…We went out a couple times months ago and just went out a couple times recently. I was practicing being open to him, and now, to my surprise, I’m wondering if there might actually be some possibilities there. He is not suave by any means, but is a good man that would step up. He’s not a good kisser, but maybe he can learn. That’s really important to me because I’m inherently pretty sensual.

    Anyway, how are other single mom’s handling the time that juggling a bunch of CDs takes?

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 8:09am

  807. 807: MaiNo Gravatar says:

    i will try out all your suggestions.. thank you all xx

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 8:38am

  808. 808: Katarina PhangNo Gravatar says:

    Morning everyone. Been busy playing wife and mommy this week but we’re having a blast.

    He brought me flowers yesterday and we had a nice movie night after beef stew dinner I cooked in the bedroom with the movies projected on the cool (with raunchy sessions in between and during/throughout :) ).

    He said, “You’re so good to me. I don’t deserve you.”

    Oh Gosh, he made my heart flutter.

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 8:57am

  809. 809: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    LG – RE: #811 – Thank you!

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 9:15am

  810. 810: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    RE: #813 – You said, “i DID torture my cat MUAHAHHAHA”

    What is your purr-pose here? Are you TRYING to trigger me?

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 9:18am

  811. 811: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Brenda: I feel relieved. I was feeling worried that our joking around would trigger you or seem insensitive to your concern about animal cruelty.

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 9:42am

  812. 812: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Honey: I hear you saying you are tired. When I’m feeling that way, I give up on the men and focus on me me me! Nurturing myself, taking care of myself, dating myself.

    I hope you feel better soon siren!

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 9:46am

  813. 813: Simply ShannonNo Gravatar says:

    Honey! ME!! Yes, it feels overwhelming at times to juggle so many dates and my life and kids. I love how you’re handling it! I feel inspired actually. I want a man but I don’t want to feel overwhelmed with the dating process. It feels difficult when guys get mad about not being able to see me as much but hey, I have a life too mister. I wonder what it would be like to have a man really attempt to integrate into my life rather than making me feel guilty for not seeing him. Yum. I’d love for a man to get creative about being able to see me. That’s pursuit!

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 9:49am

  814. 814: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    That sounds sexy…a guy who can get creative.

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 9:59am

  815. 815: tinqueNo Gravatar says:

    Yes, creativity in the bedroom. Yum…

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 10:01am

  816. 816: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    RE: #852 – Honestly I think it IS insensitive. I have no idea how to respond in feeling messages. I am just choosing to ignore it. I see it as Daria’s way to protect herself. She is laughing it off rather than responding seriously.

    And I guess there are no laws around people putting up walls. I can take it…but I can give it too… MUAHAHAHAHA! :-)

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 10:34am

  817. 817: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Hey Brenda. I hear you. I feel a little unsure of what to say.

    I’m imagining that if I was in Daria’s shoes I would feel unsure of how to respond. I would feel crappy being compared to an animal torturer if I knew I wasn’t one.

    Ya, I feel unsure. I feel very confident that Daria wouldn’t intentionally hurt an animal and that she was just venting. I felt better last night making light of it. Healing power of laughter and all. I feel down that you aren’t feeling good about the situation.

    I feel a little concerned that I want to go into fix it mode and make everyone feel good.

    But mostly I just feel good. I feel happy that we are connecting. And I feel happy about big biceps and knights in shining armour.

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 10:48am

  818. 818: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Hey Brenda. I hear you. I feel a little unsure of what to say.

    I’m imagining that if I was in Daria’s shoes I would feel unsure of how to respond. I would feel crappy being compared to an animal torturer if I knew I wasn’t one.

    Ya, I feel unsure. I feel very confident that Daria wouldn’t intentionally hurt an animal and that she was just venting. I felt better last night making light of it. Healing power of laughter and all. I feel down that you aren’t feeling good about the situation.

    I feel a little concerned that I want to go into fix it mode and make everyone feel good.

    But mostly I just feel good. I feel happy that we are connecting. And I feel happy about big biceps and knights in shining armour.

    I also feel impressed with your leaning back abilities with R. 18 days? That’s amazing! What a siren you are.

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 10:48am

  819. 819: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    Thank you! I’m going to let it go, in a case of choose your battles.

    I appreciate how you communicate with me, and I appreciate the kudos about leaning back with Ryan!

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 11:02am

  820. 820: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Truly, it’s the least of my concerns. I just got a call today that my $51,000 of debt to student loans is about to be garnished from my pay. The loans are over 8 years old, so I am going to look into bankruptcy.

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 11:04am

  821. 821: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Oh gosh! Good luck with that! I know you will find a solution.

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 11:14am

  822. 822: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Btw, it’s LICK your battles :-)

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 11:16am

  823. 823: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Brenda – honestly, I felt horrified and judged. Sometimes when I feel attacked that way, I stand my ground and really own or at least Claim some part of the awful stuff I’m being accused of. It’s a defense to say to the person, yes your narrow minded judgement has no chance with me, I will claim and even stand for the things you want me to feel ashamed about.

    It’s rather like when I proclaim I AM BIT’CH GODDESS!

    And yes, it’s meant to trigger the person and show them that their intimidation put down tactics are ineffecti e, i am way out their manipulation reach because i will not be shamed.

    So yes, I claim my right to joke about animals, eat them, and even slap them.

    On top of that, if I had tortured animals like some little kids do, I would claim that too, (at least i would acknowledge it and maybe feel sad and icky now) but I didn’t do it … It feels bad to me.

    I do know some boys who shot squirrels for fun though, they still wound up being cool humans. Sometimes humans are capable of cruelty. I embrace this, and sharing ferlings will keep me safe. Thank u, feelings.

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 12:09pm

  824. 824: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    So without this impressive defense what would my feelings look like?

    I feel attacked, hounded, bullied, made wrong, I feel controlled, judged, put down.

    Ok deeper than that.

    I feel unseen and frightened, I feel disconnected and afraid.

    I feel sad, sinking heart, I feel scared.

    Thursday, 21 October 2010 @ 12:26pm

  825. 825: Senior Lady Vibe