How To Meet The Perfect Man

Here’s a great guest post from my best friend and amazing relationship coach Virginia Clark of http://www.itsnevertoolatetomarry.com

by Virginia Clark

It makes sense that if you exist so does your perfect partner.

If you don’t believe this maybe you’re making excuses for being single because you’ve become discouraged and you’ve lost hope over time.

When you give up on your dream of finding a good man it can be a form of self-sabotage. Let’s face it; it’s hard to keep believing in your dream of marriage when it’s taking longer than you had hoped.

So you may find yourself making excuses as to why you just can’t find the right man.

One of the most common excuses I hear women make revolve around where they live.

Do any of these sound familiar?

“In Los Angeles there are no good men, they are all superficial and all they want is a beautiful woman on their arm” or “I live in such a small town, there’s no one here I can relate to or who has my interests” or “In New York City women out-number men so men have so many women to choose from, they don’t want to commit.

As soon as you blame your singleness on circumstances outside of yourself you end up giving away your power and creating a frame of mind that will keep love away.

Another common lament I hear is “men just want a younger woman and not someone their own age.”

If this is what you’re telling yourself, you are making what you’re thinking a self-fulfilling prophecy and keeping love away. I admit, there is some truth in all these statements and there are men that fit all these complaints, but those are not the men who are right for you!

If you exist, so does he! You just haven’t met him yet.

So don’t make your search for your man that much harder on yourself. You will meet him faster if you believe he’s there.

Here’s the truth: you are responsible for putting out the “vibe” that will attract the right man to you.

If you believe he’s out there, you will have that “vibe” and you’ll be much more available and open to him when he shows up. If you don’t believe he’s there, you could miss him completely.

Ultimately you are the one who needs to recognize him when he shows up, and expecting him is like opening the door.
“There is no remedy for love but to love more.”

~Henry David Thoreau

Love,

written by Rori Raye • Permalink •

1,477 Comments to “How To Meet The Perfect Man”

1: Mel says:

Turquoise, Re: 985 past post

I hate when I comment and then a new post goes instantly up.

I just wanted to add… that I see you living your life and working toward your dreams, and choosing happiness. And I feel confident that if you continue to focus on that and nurture YOU, that the universe will bring you someone special when you’re least expecting it.

Just be careful not to blow him off like I almost did! LOL

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 6:32am
2: Femininewoman says:

Mel I was hoping you would be first to post on this thread. I think it speaks to your situation, proof of what you posted to Turq.

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 6:42am
3: Femininewoman says:

If you believe he’s out there, you will have that “vibe” and you’ll be much more available and open to him when he shows up.

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 6:46am
4: ruth says:

Senara

thank you for your post to me on the last thread

One day at a time is so very very true

Im impatient to heal and it cant be rushed I guess

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 6:55am
5: Femininewoman says:

I feel the impatience too and each time I read someone else’s story I just feel like crying. For you. me, for all of us.

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 6:57am
6: Senara says:

Ruth, I believe it’s better not to rush as you might miss some very important stuff to work on.

Easy does it!

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 6:58am
7: Mel says:

Belle,

If you don’t mind my asking, what line of work are you in or would like to be doing?

I was also very concerned about money when things ended. There was quite a bit of debt from the marriage (I’m still working on it!) and I definitely had to “demote” myself in terms of living arrangements.

I located myself just out of town, where the rent was only half as much, and found myself a really tiny little place. It was clean and comfortable, but tiny. I came to love the tiny-ness. I painted the walls, bought all my furniture from a used online source (kijiji) and payed hardly anything for it. A lot of people list things for “free” even.

I made a budget, and found that on my own it was so much easier to stick to it. I’m actually quite good with money, but with my ex, we never seemed to have enough.

I took a few freelance gigs for extra money, and that helped me pay off a couple debts.

While I am still not debt free, I am definitely making progress and it feels good to never have to use my credit card.

You can do it sweetie!

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 6:58am
8: Tam says:

He is out there!! Yay!!

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 7:01am
9: ruth says:

5 FW

Now I feel like crying too

But I feel hugged as well

These hormones——–

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 7:01am
10: Mel says:

Kyla,

Nice to see you back! I also feel happy to read your updates and see how well you are doing. If I recall… I think we live fairly close to each other, don’t we?

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 7:01am
11: Senara says:

FW, all these years of “waiting” and “working” on myself were exactly what I needed. It took me years to reverse bad patterns that brought me nowhere and now that I’m where I’m at, I feel grateful for the years of questioning. Had I not been that far in the “wrong” lane, I probably wouldn’t be where I am now and I like where I am now!

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 7:03am
12: Femininewoman says:

I just heard that the test did not go well

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 7:04am
13: Mel says:

((((FW)))) Is there an opportunity to re-write it?

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 7:06am
14: ruth says:

FW

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 7:07am
15: Femininewoman says:

I don’t know. 3 of us did it and I don’t know how the others did but noticed the second person who sits close to me was not called in.

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 7:08am
16: Tam says:

((((FW)))) sorry to hear..

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 7:10am
17: Belle says:

FW

I feel grateful that you can relate!
I keep coming back in a tighter and tighter spiral…
focus on what my soul wants to express, focus on what G0d wants to express through me, keep coming back to that trust in my inner wisdom and all will be well.

You know, I’ve been thinking about this logistics career off and on for about a year, and I have been so far up my own arse I didn’t even realize my BIL and sister have been in logistics forever.
I have had such narrow judgments about working in the corporate world, and wanting to live the life of a gypsy that I couldn’t see how my sister has grown in ways that I’ve been immature.
On the flip side, I know I’ve grown in ways that she hasn’t mastered yet (like…boundaries with grown children!) but anyway, that’s beside the point.

It’s all good, though, everything in it’s own time.

I do know he exists, I feel him in my heart.
I feel like the whole universe conspired to create my niece’s wedding to show me what real love can be like. My family is so beautiful and amazing and reflect to me how it can be easy and comfortable to embrace the inner drama queen and have that be fun and lovable.

Mkay. Breathing. Moving on. Back to work.

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 7:11am
18: Goddess Lily says:

I needed this. I’m gonna get my head (and emotions) in the game. Vibe change begins now. My amazing man IS out there. He is available and he is searching for me right now.

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 7:13am
19: Belle says:

7
Mel
Thank you!
What I’m hearing is that I need to re-write my money story.
I have had sloppy habits with money.
I owned my own business several years ago and was making obscene amounts of money and have nothing to show for it.
I wouldn’t even buy myself a new car! I had money to buy a new one cash but I wouldn’t buy one! I spent ridiculous amounts of money on used cars from shady people and shady deals and …ick.
As a matter of fact, now that I think about it – I used to be an excellent bargain shopper and dress professionally and take a lot of pride in looking good even casually.
The more money I made, the worse I dressed.

Worthiness stuff around money…
Yes,
I can do this.
I can do this.
This can all change. I know it, I feel it, yes yes yes.

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 7:21am
20: Brandylion says:

Belle, #994 from the last thread:

“(Noticing a fear that if I let go and get involved in my life I will end up so involved in my career that I won’t even want or need a relationship and I’ll wake up again realizing another 40 years of my life has passed and I’ve missed out on having the lifepartner I want…yup, that’s it, that hit a nerve, the tears are flowing…”

Gack! Me too! I spent the whole decade of my 20s too afraid to try even online dating and I just focused on my career and doing things that interested me, and I feel SO AFRAID that if I return to focusing on my life that another decade will go by before I know it and I’ll still be single and childless.

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 7:29am
21: LiliBee says:

993: Femininewoman says:

“No LiliBee. When we do it first, it inspires him.
Demanding will always be met with resistance.”

I put ‘demanding’ between ” coz it did feel weird to use that word and I didn’t grasp why.

Thank You for spelling it out to me FW
I do get resistance.

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 7:30am
22: Iamabutterfly says:

@ 5 (((((((((((((((((((Feminine Woman))))))))))))))))))))

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 7:40am
23: MissStix says:

Knowing that my mr. right was out there is about the only thing I retained when I did my “re-boot”.

It was like a broken record in the back of my mind and it started playing even before I left my husband. This makes me lol I knew it was not him before I left him.

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 7:43am
24: Senara says:

“Adopt the pace of nature: her secret is patience.” -Ralph Waldo Emerson

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 7:46am
25: BAB says:

Its a great morning!

Something funny happened last night.
My bf opened up again about his feelings and inner thoughts and things he’s fighting with, with-in himself.
And i was sitting there listening interjecting when it seemed appropriate, but for the most part just listening.
When he said “Sorry im babbling” I said your not, I understand you need to talk too. and he said “I guess im just letting you in deeper, and im worried about what your gonna say/think”
I was happy at this, because i felt that meant that i was doing better at being open and that my energy must be feeling more relaxed to him.
Have any of you ladies had this happen before?

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 7:47am
26: MissStix says:

Last night’s dinner for my mom went ok…G was grumpy, and I was grumpy. But I stuck to my FM’s and I don’t feel bad about us being grumpy. It’s ok grumpy couple! Things will sort themselves out.

At one point my mom and G were joking because I said “We are not going to live together…” in response to something my mom said. She said “says the girl who is already living at his place” and G said “Yeah we really do live together!”

I felt angry. I felt grrr like…who are you people to joke about this right now. I don’t want to hear it! So I blurted “Yeah! That’s why I have all my stuff in my trunk to bring home with me…” Then I felt really grrrrrrrrr and even more grumpy puss b1tchy for the rest of the night.

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 7:49am
27: Miss Bells says:

Sitting here in the early morning. HS is still asleep. He will give me a ride to my new house this morning with a dozen more boxes.
I am starting to form a plan. Get as much stuff out as I can, everything really important to me. Consolidate the rest so that anyone could move it for me. Finish loading his book project onto Kindle and get paid what he owes.
After that it gets a little hazier.
If he isn’t “in love” with me i can’t have him around me. I know that he loves me–but that isn’t quite what I want, is it?
I could just do a fade out, become very unavailable, and see what happens.
I could do a power speech.
In the meantime I am just being—without putting much into it.
I hope Sunday I can get a big load out of here.

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 7:52am
28: MissStix says:

Love to my mommy because I usually tell her everything but I have been too frustrated and busy to relay to her what is going on right now. She did not know…

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 7:52am
29: MissStix says:

BAB

Oh yes…Sometimes they will open up and let us in. It’s a good thing!

Remember these things:

Do not advise.

Do not console.

Do not take offense.

DO say “mmmhmmm” and “ok” and “oh yes I hear you!”

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 7:55am
30: BAB says:

Oh good! I don’t think i did any of thoes:/ But i will keep them in the back of my mind for next time:) If i console, its more of a “Ohh” or “aww” with a sad face.
And i feel happy to say i did not take offense when he inadvertently compared me to his computer lol when he was saying he used to feel like he had to split his spare time between his computer time and me time.. I just smiled because it honestly made me laugh inside.

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 8:03am
31: Senara says:

Bab, that is great that he opened up! I feel kind of envious now.

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 8:07am
32: BAB says:

Yes it felt wonderful! Don’t be envious just think how wonderful its gonna be when your man does it too or again!

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 8:10am
33: Kyla says:

Mel – yes! i’m in the GTA

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 8:11am
34: Miss Bells says:

Just as I was finishing my last post he woke up and came up behind me and started rubbing my back. I showed him the Youtube account I made for his band.
The back rubbing, the kisses when he feels relaxed, the nights out dancing, the little dinners, the Saturday trips to the ocean.
And yet we are “friends” and he pulls back from actually sleeping with me because he knows what it means. This fake “friends” phase started in January of this year. The chasing women started in June.
For about four and a half years we were a couple. Most of the people we know think we are married, and not because I told them that. I got tired of correcting. I am in my mid-fifties, and he is 63. We aren’t kids and he has had plenty of time to make up his mind.
Rori says a woman should never have to pretend to be just friends with a man she is in love with.
So there I have it…. I just can’t do this pretending crap anymore.
I am leaning towards high scarcity with no explanation.
Then–I can give a speech when he comes after me-and he will.

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 8:11am
35: Kyla says:

(((((((Femininewoman)))))))

pour some love on it. you are healing, for me, there is no healed

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 8:13am
36: Goddess Lily says:

I just had the opportunity to use a FM with a male coworker in another state and I chickened out

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 8:14am
37: Senara says:

Bab, I’ll probably fall off my chair if he ever does!

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 8:16am
38: Senara says:

Aww, Goddess Lily, it’s ok, maybe try another time?

I hate it when I do that too or think of one very good FM I could’ve said right after the conversation is over. Annoying.

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 8:20am
39: BAB says:

Senara, That’s what i thought too, and when it happened i was surprised how nonchalant it felt. Maybe i was expecting singing angles or something. lol

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 8:24am
40: LiliBee says:

I’ve been pondering wether I should say anything to D or not before we go anywhere together after we’ve had the idon’tknowhowmany tiff about the same thing.

Whatever I run away from, it doesn’t seem to get resolved.
After BW’s post, I feel at my core that it won’t until I express my core feelings what’s lying beneath it all.

The core of it all to me:
When someone does not hold to their word/promises, I feel inscecure,
I feel hanging in the air with no ground to stand on, like the floor pulling out from under my feet,
that feels scary,
I don’t feel safe to be OK floating in the air like that,
it makes me want to grab on and control everything.
I don’t want to feel that way in a relationship.

Makes me wonder about “promises”.
What if we just promised to be open and honest?
…and see if we ‘feel’ committed instead of the other way around: promising comittment and feeling pressure to live up to it?

Promising commitment is fine, but the feeling the pressure to live up to it…Shouldn’t we just simply ‘feel’ comitted, feel motivated to.
The feeling motivated, to want, to be ‘comitted’ isn’t that worth more than a promise?

I feel like letting go of promises, at the same time, it feels so scary to do so.
I want a man to feel ‘inspired to be’ comitted, not feel like he has to promise it and feel pressure to live up to promises.

What would a short, true concise FM look like around this?…or maybe a speech?

What do you all think?

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 8:34am
41: Annie says:

Ty Senara.

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 8:36am
42: Senara says:

Yeah, I think I could keep a nonchalant behaviour if I put my mind to it. But I would most surely do a little happy dance in private, though!!

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 8:38am
43: Starla says:

This post came at the right time. I was just commuting to work thinking “I feel lonely. None of these several guys I’m seeing is right for me.”

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 8:39am
44: Femininewoman says:

Being comfortable with incertainty???

hhhmm

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 8:39am
45: Senara says:

Yw Annie.

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 8:39am
46: Tam says:

43 (((Starla))) oh don’t I know how that feels…and so we surf on through the waves of men…

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 8:44am
47: Tam says:

44 – FW, that is the crux of it or me
‘being comfortable about uncertainty’ and letting go of control knowing that I will be ok because I HAVE ME.
It’s easier said than done..

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 8:46am
48: MissStix says:

Something on the FB page really got me to thinking about my male friends and my personality shift when I am around them. I have never really thought about HOW I do this…I have always just kind of done it. I find it incredibly easy to sink into being “dude”. I can see now how I struggled with being a feminine and feeling woman in my married relationship. I know aspects of that came out on occasion….But I think I fought and struggled with my girl because my boy is so much more comfortable around men.

I realize that my ex has always called me dude. We were great friends, and sex partners, and cuddle buddies but never really lovers. I have a clear picture of why he sought out girlie girls and why other girls recieved things from him that I never recieved. When this happened I went into full on b1tchy convince mode. I remember saying once “But she will never love you like I do!” Ouch. I hope I don’t need to explain everything that is wrong with that statement. I was my own worst enemy. Though I am grateful now. He was never really my mr. right. I know now that I could have him wrapped around my little finger if I wanted. Wayyyyy more than any other girl ever has with him. I know that man SO well I could play him like a little fiddle. But that’s not what I want. So I won’t attempt it. :p

Lord have I learned a lot!!!!

Now I barely remember why I started this post lol mmmmm digression. Oh yes this stuff is delicious perspective.

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 8:47am
49: MissStix says:

BAB 30

hmmm I don’t see “awww” or sadface or such things as consoling. Just an expression of a reactive emotion which is cool!

“Awww it will be ok!” or “how can I help you feel better?”. These are consoling (to me at least) and i’ve never had a good response to this.

I slipped up last night very briefly. When G said offhandedly and annoyed “I’m not gonna be home till 10 o’clock!” I said “oh it’s ok baby you can leave whenever you want!” OOOOPS!!!!!! Needless to say he did not respond well! But it was minor. He just spat out “Pfft I KNOW that.” *eyeroll* But I knew what I had done so I immediately caught myself and sunk into how his reaction made me feel. I rubbed my forehead and when he asked what was wrong I said “I’m feeling stressed. I feel grumpy.” He softened and said “Yeah…Me too.”

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 8:59am
50: Kyla says:

Miss Belle – re: posts 27 and 34
wow reading that felt so powerful and inspiring and i could feel my head nodding along like it was trying to say “yes! yes!”
you seem to be embarking on an amazing adventure

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 9:00am
51: MissStix says:

Ick…ewwwww I re-read my other post and it just hit it home. “play him like a fiddle” ewwww I don’t even like thinking about that. Not what I want! I want no man I feel fully comfortable with, or in control of. Gross.

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 9:03am
52: Femininewoman says:

I struggle so much with being comfortable with uncertainty. I want strong surrender with a man at the helm. It feels uncomfortable and fearful but I can practice one moment at a time. One step at a time. One thing at a time.

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 9:05am
53: MissStix says:

I giggled inside when my mom saw G last night when we arrived. hehe she said “G I am 59 years old today and I make you look like an old man! Why do you look so tired?” Then she swung a couch pillow at him. ahhhhhh giggly I love my mommy she is so cute and a true siren!! All the old dudes hit on her when we’re out and about!

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 9:07am
54: Femininewoman says:

“I want no man I feel fully comfortable with”

I want a man I feel comfortable with. As if I can say anything to.

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 9:07am
55: Tam says:

Oh the sweet taste of overfunctioning. My father’s wife is just rushing through the whole house trying to clean everything and my dad is reading the papers. Considering she gets home 2 hours later than him and does everything and then he grumbles if he even has to fetch her from the trainstation if there is a thunderstorm….crazy.
Take note ladies. He was not always like this, but her favourite sayings are:
‘don’t do it this way’
‘let me do this’
‘you don’t need to’
‘you are doing this wrong’
and placating when he had a bad day at work, like this ‘aaaaaaaaaw poor you’ (as if he is a baby and not a man), and then we have to walk on eggshells while he insults everybody or gets really grumpy.

No wonder. I have given up also, one week before my departure. I cleaned and cooked a lot but seems never good enough, using the wrong pots, pans, spoons – spare me. That’s what you get when you are an absolute control freak…you get nothing basically except control and being worn out and miserable because despite best efforts, you simply can’t control everything. Why even try?

I remember when I was helping MrP get his house into order…and this was the second time and I *had* read RR stuff already. At one point he stopped me as I was kneeling down doing something and he said ‘oh no, you don’t need to do THAT, I don’t ever want to see you on the floor in my house, that’s just not right’…and he had a go himself – he made a pretty bad job of it, but I just looked at him and said: ‘oh, I didn’t know you could clean so well, so now I see you don’t need my help anymore, and I am just going to sit over there and watch you’. So I sat and watched with coffee – he was super smiley and I was happy. Who cares that the stain was still there in the end?
Letting go of control and the need to be perfect felt super good.

I pretty much just drank coffee or wine and ate a lot (all supplied enthusiastically), and looked pretty that weekend….as well as being treated like a queen with boattrips and sightseeing tours. Win-win situation.

I could never go back to overfunctioning – and I used to be an expert at it….and it just ruined everything and really emasculated also. Never again. Men are not babies, we don’t need to mother them.

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 9:08am
56: Tam says:

54 FW, me too. I want to be able to tell a man anything without feeling inadequate or ‘less than’ (I might not tell him everything but want to be able to, feel like I could).
I want to be very comfortable with a man.

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 9:11am
57: Tam says:

..feeling comfortable with someone is not the same as ‘being in control’ of a person…it’s simply feeling comfortable, isn’t it?
Being in control of anyone or anything is an illusion anyway.

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 9:13am
58: Dominique says:

Femininewoman – Is the sure, or are you guessing? Hugs to you either way.

xxoo

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 9:14am
59: MissStix says:

OMG Super giggly at a memory of our cruise this year…I went with mom and her sister and her daughter. Mommy, daughter-aunty cousin cruise! It was fun! But on one of the formal nights my mom was lookin SMOKIN’ and we were walking through the sliding doors to the deck when they opened and a very hansome and confident looking man was behind them directly in front of my mom. He stopped DEAD in his tracks and said out loud “woah”! I literally bust out as he watched her walk by.

Now my mom’s a hotty in my mind, and she does look younger than 59 but she’s no “milf”. She’s just….A normal looking older woman. But there’s something about her…This is why I call her a siren.

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 9:14am
60: Goddess Lily says:

Well crap. I just told the story to my friend and he started laughing. He brought up another problem. Heres the story:

One of my friends is moving to the city where the coworker lives so I decided to ask him if there was a better or worse side of town….and I wanted to talk to him. So he asks “is he single?“ At the time I was wondering how he knew my friend was a guy. But then laughing friend automatically assumed he was asking because hes interested in my male friend instead of me. Wtf? I didn’t even see that but I guess thats possible. I guess a FM would not have mattered.

This could also explain why when I was in his city he made no attempt to hang out. Although he is always calling me pretty over messenger. Idk.

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 9:15am
61: bloom-ing says:

tam, your post – i feel so tired & yesterday i said oh baby i feel so sleepy, wanna go to bed soon ? & he said, no i want to eat dinner. i said, oh hm i don’t. & he said, ok. & i said i just want cantaloupe & frozen yogurt so he brought them to me & he said want cookies ? & i said YES so he brought me warm baked cookies ??? idk how that happened…. lol & he hates to bake but they were our favorite recipe…. so i did say, well can i make you a salad for dinner? & he said, no, i’ll make myself something. & this morning he was all cuddly to me & i said no sex, ok i have chores & i’m already late, so he traded me sex for my chores : ) lol so if i were keeping score which i’m not i traded Making Dinner for fresh cookies & Chores for affection. i’ll take that trade. i accept ! thank you ! mm i still feel so tired i can barely make a capital letter if i want to… : ) hehe

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 9:17am
62: MissStix says:

hmmm I feel misunderstood.

It’s ok though I don’t say what I say so others understand.I say it so I understand. Do I understand what I meant when I said “I want no man I feel fully comfortable with OR in control of?” yes. I do. Yep. So it’s ok. No explanation needed.

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 9:18am
63: MissStix says:

mmmmm yes! I want a man to keep me on my toes a little bit. I want to feel like WOAH and think “Wow he is manly and strong and powerful! And I am womanly and soft and strong and powerful!” mmmm and hehe eek! He could pounce on me at any second and send me into fits of giggles and it could turn hot and mmmmmm you’re just a little dangerous and I like that. I can say and do whatever my little heart desires because it’s cool. But that doesn’t mean i’m fully comfy…No. That means I am secure. Ohhhhh big powerful man feels hot anger and annoying irritation sometimes. I don’t like it and I feel frightened when this happens but it’s ok little girl. Because you still feel secure? Yep! I do! So that means I can say “oh that feels bad and scary” and he will support me and comfort me. He will soften and kiss my eyebrow and run his hand down the side of my hair like he does.

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 9:29am
64: lilybelly says:

985: (From previous post)

Mel, I know I have told you this before but Sister, you were amazing! And, still are.

xoxoxo

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 9:30am
65: Iamabutterfly says:

i found out that jack cd is seeing someone long-distance from a girlfriend of mine.

the first emotion i felt was extreme anger.

and then i felt panicky tight and teary inside.

rage.

the thing is, he chose not to tell me, and he didn’t have to tell me.

i didn’t ask, and he didn’t feel the need to offer that information.

i just feel really stupid.

and mr. stares-me-down hasn’t spoken to me since we were walking together in the hallways a little over a week ago.

i can always feel myself putting up walls.
i always feel fear and discomfort, especially after feeling strange good feelings that I’m not used to.

I feel so messed up.

I feel knotty and jumpy and fiery.

I feel embarassed that this is having such a huge effect on me.

I feel like I’m going to be judged and hushed and told how pathedic I am.

I hate how up and down I am.

I feel emotionally unstable.

I feel scared that no one is ever going to want such an emotionally unstable person.

can someone love me, even in instability?

is that even possible?

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 9:31am
66: MissStix says:

Oh I want to read an historical romance novel today. One with a powerful hero who’s heroine strums his last nerve constantly yet he still needs to have her desperately! Oh mmm

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 9:33am
67: Heart says:

(((iamabutterfly)))

you’re feelings are normal.

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 9:36am
68: Iamabutterfly says:

it doesn’t help that my room and car are messy, i’ve got too many responsibilites, and i feel lonely and untouched and like an abandoned little girl.

i want someone, even a mother figure to just hold me and tell me wise things.

i hate that i could never tell my mother this stuff. it feels so horrible not feeling safe to tell her about my pain and my confusion.

she doesn’t understand.
or maybe she undestands too perfectly to be strong enough to ever comfort me.
i miss my family.
i feel guilty for not reaching out more.
i want to be the one who is being reached out to…

sometimes i feel exhausted just trying to live.

just trying to breath in and out and get out of bed and go to work and drive here and drive there and serve this person and help that person and hang out with this person who has the exact same problems i have.

and i feel guilty for doing something fun with new people when i can’t even seem to keep up with basic responsibilities.

sometimes i just feel exhausted and numb.

and that’s not being a juicy feeling creature.

and sometimes i feel so high that i could fly, and it’s like i don’t even live here on earth.

but then i’ll feel low like today.

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 9:38am
69: Iamabutterfly says:

@67 Heart – thank you, Heart! I feel heard and supported.

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 9:40am
70: MissStix says:

(((Iamabutterfly)))

I don’t see any of this as “unstable” I see it as healthy emotion.

Stability comes with allowing, being ok with, and even loving your emotions. Ick. I don’t even like the word “stability”. It’s just more like…When we are ok with our emotions and don’t really require any result or specific outcome and just allow them to be what they are then they don’t quite seem so “crazy” or “unstable” to us or even others.

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 9:43am
71: MissStix says:

Hmmmm Just because an emotion feels bad doesn’t mean it IS bad.

Ohhh some clarity there! So important to say I FEEL angry. Or I FEEL sad. Instead of I AM angry. Or I AM sad. Because we feel these emotions. We do not become them….

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 9:46am
72: MissStix says:

Could a siren imagine ever saying “I am bad?” When something feels bad?

No….

So I wonder why any of us have ever, or would ever jump to saying “I am sad” or “I am angry.”.

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 9:48am
73: Iamabutterfly says:

i have this nagging suspicion that jack cd isn’t sure how i feel about him.

how can he be sure how i feel about him if i don’t know how i feel about him?

when i feel emotions, i tell him, i do. usually. i think?

i feel like i somehow always end up talking more than he does.

i feel like i can tell him anything. and whenever i think he’s going to judge me or not accept me, he surprises me and says something supportive and wonderful.

i love just sitting on the couch with him.

but we don’t date.

we run into each other a lot and end up talking.

when we were talking the other night, his body language was very leaning into me and mirroring me, but then it was like he stopped himself and leaned back against the wall. it felt strange.

i hate how much i care about him!
we’re not even dating!
why do i care so much about him!
this feels so embarassing!

i hate how i don’t know how to listen and talk!
we never listened and talked in my family.
there was always tension. always.
my parents, they tried, and they were such good people.
they are such good people!

but i would always feel this strange relief whenever we would visit my grandparents’ homes.

like it was safer there.
like I was safer there.
like I could eat and rest and be loved unconditionally.

like i could be loved for not “doing” anything, but just for “being.”

i really want to write my grandma now.

i’m so happy she’s still alive.
she is a strong, beautiful woman.

i feel like i have such a hard time connecting with her sometimes though, because of generational differences, and because of her health difficulties.

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 9:54am
74: Iamabutterfly says:

when i went home this last time, for a brief moment, i felt like i could rest.

i feel like i don’t have time to sink into feminine energy, and it hurts.

feminine energy feels like a luxury that i somehow don’t deserve.

it’s hard for me to sink into it.
so hard!

there’s too much to do and i’m just a girl!

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 9:58am
75: Iamabutterfly says:

@70 (((((Miss Stix))))) – thank you. I feel unsure, though. i feel like someone “more emotionally stable” will be chosen over me. simply because she doesn’t have these issues. or knows how to handle them better or something

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 9:59am
76: Iamabutterfly says:

i really, really, really want to date without going on a dating website.

guys always come into my field of vision, but they never ask me out, and i’m wondering if i’m doing something wrong.

like maybe i go into expectant, masculine energy without realizing it, and kill my chances?

i don’t understand.
meeting men is not the problem for me.
not getting asked out is the problem.

i could really use some free therapy, lol.

any advice?

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 10:02am
77: Femininewoman says:

Guessing what Dominique?

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 10:03am
78: Iamabutterfly says:

or maybe i throw up my “walls of protection” and kill my juicy feeling vibe…

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 10:06am
79: Starla says:

i feel all firey and warm and burning bright thinking about the leaves that are about to change colors in my city for autumn

i feel all crisp and alive and primal and smokey like a fireplace thinking of the weather changing.

and… it feels so intense, i want to share it with a man because it feels almost sexual to me and i find it to be seductive

and that’s kinda funny but i’m just being honest that i feel like seducing a man with my autumn thoughts.

and i feel guilty and bad about this because i don’t want to have to DO anything to build attraction

and i feel disappointed with myself that my own vibrant, burning thoughts are not enough as just my own — that i want to share them for an outcome.

i feel confused.

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 10:09am
80: Femininewoman says:

I was just told by my male supervisor that I am closest to “in my part of the world where I am from, we mourn together. So when you are ready I am here. I know it hurts as hell”.

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 10:10am
81: MissStix says:

((((Iama))))

Nope nope nope. A woman does not get chosen for her ability to “handle” emotions. On the flipside, she may be passed up over an INability to handle them.

But hmmmm how do I express this?

Letting go of “I can’t handle this” doesn’t mean we have to handle it…. It’s the beautiful gray area in between that makes us sirens!

Not “handling” it, but at the same time not thinking “I can’t handle this!”. Realizing you don’t have to handle it. Letting whatever it is, just be, whatever it is! Even if it’s hard and grrrrrr and “F@ck this!”. It is what it is, and there’s a purpose for it and a lesson in it. I believe this is true strength.

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 10:10am
82: Goddess Lily says:

Iama,

When you figure out the secret let me know. Maybe it’s the same as this blog topic. Rather than looking around trying to spot the man, maybe we walk around imagining him. That would change the vibe to give off….thinking about how amazing Mr. Wonderful will be when he shows up.

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 10:10am
83: Radlove says:

I noticed that whenever I am on a first date with a new man, my defenses are way up, along with feeling nervous. I have to fight myself to keep my walls down. I feel like resisting at every turn. So this is one of the things lil girl and I have to come to terms with. I think it is part of my inner healing.

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 10:13am
84: Femininewoman says:

Thing is the last time we had a heart to heart I broke down so I now I feel concern that it might be experienced as manpulative. I also want to sit with my feelings and let it sink in. Although I feel devastated. As if all my dreams just cumbled in front of me. Even though I am acutely aware that it is just one dream.

I am also acutely aware that I withdraw into myself when I feel hurt. He invited me in earlier on when he got the news but I said “later”. This is a pattern for me.

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 10:13am
85: Siren Angel says:

((((Iamabutterfly)))
In your posts, you seem to be gearing towards leaning forward… Please don’t do it right now because you are too upset… Had to put that in.

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 10:15am
86: Heart says:

I believe in a thing called Love

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 10:16am
87: Iamabutterfly says:

@80 Femininewoman – that sounds sooooo cozy and comforting. he sounds like a great guy!

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 10:16am
88: Siren Angel says:

((((Femininewoman)))
Would your wise self choose to wait for the test results and be surprised?

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 10:16am
89: Iamabutterfly says:

@84 Femininewoman – what happened? i feel guilty that i don’t know what happened to cause you such grief!

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 10:18am
90: MissStix says:

Just listen to the rhythm of my heart….

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 10:19am
91: LiliBee says:

Re Lilibee #40:

” I feel like letting go of promises, at the same time, it feels so scary to do so.
I want a man to feel ‘inspired to be’ comitted, not feel like he has to promise it and feel pressure to live up to promises.”

FW #52 “Living with Uncertainty”:

I shared this thought with a gf of mine at lunchbreak:
What would it feel like not having ‘promises’ keep 1 partner feeling emprisoned and the other feeling controlling ?

She told me her own inspiring story:
“I would see travel getaways on tv and tell my bf I want to go there.
He would reply ‘for sure someday’.
I kept hounding him to take me saying ‘but you always say, your words mean nothing?’
I got tired of that story.
I just let him know how much I would love to go, and I dropped it completely.
After a year of not mentioning 1 single word of it, he made firm comitted plans to go and booked a date.
No doubts, no ‘thinking about it’, just “we’re going.”

She jumped at the opportunity and they booked the trip.
They are all siked to go.

She said if he would have made a promise, and would have pressured him with that promise, it would have felt blah to be there.
Now I’m sure it will feel great to be there coz it was all his idea with no pressure from me.
It feels so special.

She says she just shares how she feels and what she wants, and learned to let him be.
He has been appreciating her waaay much more ever since.

By learning to live with UNCERTAINTY, thus leaving him his freedom, he felt INSPIRED to give her what she wanted.

And she knows nothing about Rori.

So if I let go of the promises, accept living with uncertainty, speak my own true feelings…who knows what will happen (letting go of the outcome here).

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 10:20am
92: Iamabutterfly says:

@85 Siren Angel – no, I’m not going to lean forward, or at least I’m not planning to intentionally.

I do feel kind of irritated that saying “hi” to a man who is looking right at you can be construed as leaning forward. (I only did that once though.)

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 10:20am
93: Iamabutterfly says:

sometimes “worrying” about “not leaning forward” feels un-natural and like walking on eggshells.

I don’t think it’s supposed to feel like that!
when I’m truly, actually doing it, it feels amazing!

it feels like slowly sinking into deep, breathable water.

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 10:22am
94: Siren Angel says:

Starla @79,

Whoah!!! You are the queen of FMs darling! Why are you not out there more? Men should be stumbling on top of one another to get to you, fighting each other off… Ahhhh… I want to FM like you…

“i feel all firey and warm and burning bright thinking about the leaves that are about to change colors in my city for autumn

i feel all crisp and alive and primal and smokey like a fireplace thinking of the weather changing.

and… it feels so intense, i want to share it with a man because it feels almost sexual to me and i find it to be seductive

and that’s kinda funny but i’m just being honest that i feel like seducing a man with my autumn thoughts.

and i feel guilty and bad about this because i don’t want to have to DO anything to build attraction

and i feel disappointed with myself that my own vibrant, burning thoughts are not enough as just my own — that i want to share them for an outcome.

i feel confused.

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 10:22am
95: lilybelly says:

75:

Iama…

I know this feeling. I am going through some significant hormonal changes and it has me feeling like a crazy woman. I think I am a crazy woman at times, crying for no reason or at the slightest little thing and that if HE knows about it, he will leave for someone who isn’t crazy or mental. I mean seriously, the tangents I can go on in my brain…but the one thing that I KNOW for certain is this…

If a man is yours, truly meant to be with you and is YOUR guy, it won’t matter. He will still love you and take care of you and nourish your soul and heal your heart right along side of you…even when you are a crazy woman, like me.

I know this because it is my life and HE is in it.

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 10:23am
96: Iamabutterfly says:

I feel like an inexperienced idiot, but I know that’s not a true feeling message, and for some reason even that makes me feel angry.

what’s a good feeling message for that?

I feel angry, annoyed, childish, scared, shaky, exposed, vulnerable, and teary.

I feel so hot and shaky.

I feel explosive and misunderstood (even though I’m probably completely understood by someone out there, and most importantly by G0D.)

I feel heat and energy flowing in and out and up and down my arms.

I feel angry that I don’t understand why I feel so angry.

I feel angry that fear and anger are linked, and I feel angry that I don’t understand the connection.

I feel scared of being alone.
I feel scared that I’m never going to figure out all these big secrets that every other woman on the planet seems to somehow instinctively understand.

it makes me feel so angry when i try to talk through my perceptions and the people I’m sharing it with tell me that “you could just be imagining that.”

Oh. I’m sorry. My whole life has just been a figment of my imagination.

How come they (or maybe what I’m really saying here, is “I”) can trust my instincts in every other kind of relationship except for potentially romantic ones.

I feel so angry and sad and scared!

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 10:28am
97: Siren Angel says:

Lilibee,

Letting go of the outcome, is very much the same as letting go ‘of control’ (of the situation, the relationship, where you sit, what you do) and same as letting go of ‘expectations’… I have the same challenge.

I have been practicing being in ‘receiving’ mode more, while not ‘expecting’ to receive. Palms open, deep breathing, switching my thoughts or feeling my feelings fully, without any expectation that the tools will help… I have noticed I do the tools and ‘expect’ to see an immediate shift now… It feels better to do just them for ME.

I love what you shared about last night with D I am so happy he is taking care of you.

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 10:30am
98: Siren Angel says:

What I am saying is that when we do the tools, it is easy to fall into the trap of doing them for a result. Therefore, I have decided to them for me, and to share on the blog for me, rather than for what I expect the outcome will be or what M will do next.

Does that make sense?

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 10:33am
99: Iamabutterfly says:

@95 Lilybelly – thank you for this. I feel scared I won’t find him. I feel scared that if I do find him, that i won’t truly “want” him somehow.

i think part of my problem is lack of sleep, which now that i think about it, does affect your hormones.

it feels good to think!

sometimes I feel so tired of trying to balance the masculine and feminine. I just want to be me!

masculine, feminine, whatever the junk I am!

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 10:35am
100: Starla says:

“sometimes “worrying” about “not leaning forward” feels un-natural and like walking on eggshells.”

lama, i strongly believe this is a big part of what hurt my last relationship.

i’ve learned to be myself a lot more. and worry less.

and then occasionally i still get confused about the nature of my compulsions, whether they’re natural or fear/outcome-driven

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 10:36am
101: Iamabutterfly says:

i feel angry thinking about that window in my life when i was completely broken, what i would consider “not ready for a relationship” because i was so freaking lost.

and it was during that time that so many guys would just randomly scoop me up in their arms and just hold me.

i really miss that.

i feel scared to let myself be taken care of, because i don’t trust anyone but myself to take care of myself, and honestly, a lot of times i do a lousy job of it myself.

ouch, that really hurts.

i feel really sad and messy now.

like my whole body feels tired and feels like just giving up.

i feel sooooooooo sad.

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 10:38am
102: Iamabutterfly says:

i don’t want to do what i have to do.
i feel sad.
have i mentioned that?
i feel sad.
i feel defeated.
i feel dry.

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 10:39am
103: Starla says:

SA 94

goodness that feels nice to read

lots of men are trying to date me

i just don’t feel very connected to any of them

and warrior seems confused that i’m leaning back

that or he’s just not interested.

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 10:39am
104: MissStix says:

Oh I had a great convo with the man. Oh deep breath and sigh I feel calm talking about the future.

He may take a job through his roomy that would require he be out of town 2 weeks away, 1 week home. Oh that is kind of a scary picture but I let him talk about it. I felt my feelings without fear and what actually happened was kind of cool and soothing like a slow moving stream. He talked about his dream of being out of debt and owning a home. He believes he could do this with 2 years at that job. And he talked about kids again.
Oh I feel a tiny ball of gray anxiety. It lives in my tummy but it’s a hologram projected right in front of my forehead and floating in the air. Thinking of seeing him only 1 week a month, or so…Oh that feels sqeezy and tense. But wow there could be a family on the other side of that 2 years. Oh it feels a little difficult. A little grrr and pouty and I’ll never see you!!!!!!! Out loud I said “that feels a little rough”. And he said “Yeah…But the end result might be worth it.”. “I said yeah, you have a lot to think about. He said “yeah”. Oi. Mmmmmhmm oh my man. You are strong willing to sacrifice any semblance of a social life to build a foundation for our family. Hmmm roomie says they aren’t even allowed to drink in the bars that are set up. The guys from other companies are allowed but not this one. No booze. No one but other workers. Oh baby…As hard as that feels I so respect your willingness to do it. You are a good man.

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 10:40am
105: Iamabutterfly says:

@100 Starla – thank you for this. it makes me feel understood and curious and comforted. Thank you.

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 10:40am
106: Siren Angel says:

Iamabutterfly,

“i feel angry thinking about that window in my life when i was completely broken, what i would consider “not ready for a relationship” because i was so freaking lost. and it was during that time that so many guys would just randomly scoop me up in their arms and just hold me.”

You were being true to yourself, vulnerable and scared, without any expectations of anything.

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 10:41am
107: Iamabutterfly says:

it feels so comforting and familiar when my guy friend’s face lights up when he sees me. it’s just pure genuine happiness at the fact that i exist. i want more of that from not just him, but from everyone.

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 10:42am
108: MissStix says:

Oh oh oh so much empathy for these men who do these jobs…11 hour days 14 days straight. Ouch. ((((These men)))) ((((my man)))) I feel pride knowing he is the kind of man who would do this job.

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 10:43am
109: Tam says:

(((FW)))) there are always second chances.

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 10:46am
110: Iamabutterfly says:

@106 siren angel – thank you. i know this deep down.

i feel angry that WHEN i want, i don’t get.

i feel vulnerable and scared right now too.
but also angry and on the verge of lashing out on anyone and everything.

wanting and not getting, and then NOT expecting and getting feels like a cruel joke somehow.

why is expecting such a horrible thing?
why is wanting such a horrible thing?

i hear all these ugly angry voices telling me:

you’re not supposed to want.
you’re not supposed to expect.

why not?

I’m not supposed to want basic human needs?
I’m not supposed to expect comfort from people who are supposed to love me?

Supposed to…

supposed to…

Supposed to…

expectations.

I feel so angry!

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 10:47am
111: Siren Angel says:

Iamabutterfly,

Wanting and Expecting are 2 very different things.

You want for yourself.
You expect from another.

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 10:49am
112: Iamabutterfly says:

i feel so guilty over the way i treated men in the past.

i couldn’t force myself to feel something i didn’t feel.
i couldn’t unblock my blocks to love without someone teaching me how.

i keep thinking about this guy that I loved but wasn’t in love with,

he was in love with me, I think.

one time i was just feeling really sad. and i ran up to him and asked him to hold me, like i had this really urgent need for him to hold me, and he just held me and he even said “awww.” and proceeded to hold me tighter.

that was totally leaning forward, and he didn’t care.
he liked it.

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 10:51am
113: Siren Angel says:

Iamabutterfly,

You can say ‘I intend to’ (open my heart, receive, be in a committed relationship) which makes it all about you.

Expecting makes it all about the other person. Expectations are the most leaning forward energy possible. They are stronger than words or actions. I know because I have recently been there too and I am trying to change that.

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 10:51am
114: Iamabutterfly says:

@111 SA – You want for yourself.
You expect from another.

Thank you.

I don’t understand completely, and that feels frustrating. i want to stomp and pout and scream and cry and then just sleep all these yucky feelings away.

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 10:53am
115: LiliBee says:

97:

Thanks for sharing your process SA.

…and cable guy was cute too

Maybe cd’ing cable guy right before D helped my vibe.

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 10:54am
116: bloom-ing says:

i think it’s also “leaning forward” to “lean back” with the Expectation of a certain “outcome”

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 10:54am
117: Iamabutterfly says:

I HATE the feeling of guilt I have running into these men from my past.

I HATE the icky feeling I feel with their wives, who I sometimes suspect are looking at me like I’m cruel or crazy or both.

I feel like such a horrible, stupid, selfish, lonely person.

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 10:55am
118: Iamabutterfly says:

I’m not really ready to date, am I?

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 10:56am
119: Starla says:

116 bloom-ing

yessssss

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 10:56am
120: bloom-ing says:

mm siren angel,

thanks for sharing this:
“Wanting and Expecting are 2 very different things. / You want for yourself. / You expect from another.”

that feels easy to remember ! i’m feeling excited : )

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 10:57am
121: coco kisses says:

Ok sirens….I feel annoyed, yet certain that everything will be ok…..my husband doesn’t seem intrested in doing the marriage restoration programs anymore. After we went out Friday, he didn’t communicate with me until Monday via text, then he called Tuesday,and he’s called me everyday this week. However in conversation with him today I tried to back lead him into making plans with me for the weekend, hut he didn’t take the bait. I said something like, I’m feeling good, light hearted, and care free, I would feel great to have some fun, should you be thinking of doing something fun this weekend, I’m open……he went on to name the laundry list of cr@p he has to do this weekend like laundry and washing his car…..I sooooo feel like going out with other men at this point…..this is sooooo retarded.. I feel super annoyed and slightly out of control. It feels too difficult to keep over anylizing my every move and every word, to see why I’m turning him off….I just wanna be me…….that is what feels good. I would feel good to send all his calls to voicemail for the weekend…..

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 10:58am
122: LiliBee says:

96: Iamabutterfly says:

” I feel like an inexperienced idiot, ”

I’m giggling at this comment…as I do feel like that too plenty

That’s OK lama, I find it ‘cute’ when I read you feeling like that.
So helps me feel ‘cute’ when I feel like that.

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 10:58am
123: Iamabutterfly says:

does anyone have any advice on how to move from this icky, scary feeling place?

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 10:58am
124: Starla says:

116

but what do we do then? if we’re leaning back with expectations to produce an outcome, and if we were to lean forward with the same end in mind… what do we do instead?

i feel trapped hehe

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 10:58am
125: Daria says:

“THE DAILY GROOVE ~ by Scott Noelle

:: Goodness Is Inspired, Not Required ::

Situation 1:
You ask your friend what she wants for a birthday
gift, and she says, “I would treasure *any* gift
from you!”

Wouldn’t you feel inspired to give her something
very special?

Situation 2:
Another friend says, “I hope you’re getting me
something *good* for my birthday… I just *hate*
tacky gifts!”

Wouldn’t you feel like giving this friend a pile
of fake dog poop?!

The point is that you feel most inspired to please
others when you don’t feel pressured or coerced –
when you don’t “have to.”

Children are no different. They love to please others,
especially their parents, so long as their inspiration
to share pleasure isn’t confounded by implied threats
of punishment, reward, or withdrawal of approval.

Today, let go of all “required goodness” by affirming
that your child is inherently good, and is *free* to
express that goodness… and free *not* to express it.

Remember that the best way to foster children’s
authentic goodness is to let them see how much *you*
enjoy expressing your own goodness.”

http://dailygroove.net/inspired-not-required

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 10:58am
126: Iamabutterfly says:

@122 Lilibee – aw, I’m glad. at least we’re not alone, eh?

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 11:00am
127: Iamabutterfly says:

@125 Daria – I love this. Thank you for sharing! It feels calming.

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 11:01am
128: coco kisses says:

@ Iam Butterfly….it all starts with forgiving yourself….when u take a step back and look at ur stuff, accept it, then decide to be a healthier person, then forgive yourself, and love on you…that’s how you move from the ickiness

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 11:01am
129: lilybelly says:

123:

The only way to it, Iama, is through it. It is important to feel all of the stuff in the soup and I believe, you are doing just that, by letting it all out and processing here.

There is healing here and love and acceptance.

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 11:03am
130: bloom-ing says:

hehe

Until everyone believes in their own ability to say exactly the right thing, at exactly the right time, to exactly the right person, then allow me:

Everyone wants to be your friend. Everyone.

You’re just cool.

The Universe

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 11:03am
131: MissStix says:

Hmmmmm so what would that look like…Having G gone for 2 weeks and home for 1 week.

Oh right now it looks a little scary. I don’t feel trust in myself not to act desperate if I miss him a lot. Hmmmm I need to get a clear and positive picture in my mind of what I would sink into in this scenario….

Oh I would CD the universe! I would work amd go to school and focus on bettering myself while he is off working towards a positive future. I would be totally free and I trust him to tenderly accept my feelings and offer me stability and support through a hard 2 years. And how would I offer him support? It would look and feel like being open, expressive and and calm and understanding of the inevitable grumpyness that will come up from such a tough job. It would feel like being ok with being alone even if I feel sad feelings. And how would I express my feelings when I miss him so I don’t feel desperate or lonely or un-heard? It would be saying “I miss how your touch feels on my skin” and “I miss feeling your warm body enveloping me and holding me.” and “mmm I miss your body when I feel sexy!”. And how would I be receptive of him when he comes home? It would be allowing him to lead and melting and receiving him when he arrives. It would be not pestering to see him when he gets home. But allowing space for him to fill and opening up to him. Allowing him to embrace me and miss me and come onto me.

Hmmm Ummm I feel strong. I think I can do this.

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 11:04am
132: lilybelly says:

128:

Thanks for mentioning that, I forgot and it’s #1 on the list.

Forgiveness and acceptance.

Don’t forget to take care of you, Iama…

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 11:04am
133: coco kisses says:

On the flip side…I bought some satin sheets felt zoo good to feel the satin sheets against my freshly shaven legs…..I did this for me and my sexuality. I’m getting a brazilian wax…..I need to feel beautiful this weekend

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 11:07am
134: MissStix says:

Hmmm I want to say to him “When I think of you going away I feel a little tense and scared, but I feel safe and supported. I feel a little proud of your willingness to do such a job!”

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 11:10am
135: Iamabutterfly says:

i feel a lot better now. i still feel sad, but i feel accepting of the sadness.

i feel defeated.

@130 bloom-ing – i absolutely love this. it feels so light and fun and forgiving.

the way you say things, you remind me of my best childhood friend growing up.

friends since second grade, and we still talk sometimes through the thousands of miles between us now, though not enough.

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 11:12am
136: Iamabutterfly says:

cocokisses, you are so utterly inspiring to me!

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 11:13am
137: Smile says:

Oooo I just can’t shift this icky embarrassment feeling.

I de activated my fb account in hopes to further cover up my slip of the finger. But now I want to be on fb. It’s taking over me, like I wana ring a friend to experiment if he saw it or not. I can’t relax.

I feel scared to activate it again 

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 11:14am
138: Iamabutterfly says:

@129 lily belly – thank you, sweetheart!

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 11:14am
139: Smile says:

I texed strummingman at lunch as I missed his good night message. I’m hoping he doesn’t mention the fb thing…. Feeling Cringey!

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 11:16am
140: bloom-ing says:

from The Hairpin dot com

“At the risk of sounding insensitive, you need to get over this. Wasting energy on wishing you looked a way you will never look is … wasting energy. I understand that it’s horrible to feel undesirable or “unworthy.” I’ve spent collective years of my life humming along to that song whose only lyrics are “be prettier” — you know, the official theme song for Womanhood™. So I can state with authority that you need to do whatever it takes to stop this cycle. Being naked with someone else shouldn’t be traumatic. Awkward, maybe, and sometimes unexpectedly humorous, but save the trauma for … everything else crappy in the world. And mutual desire is ALWAYS delusional; that’s why it’s so great. Truth: you are enough just how you are. Start believing it.”

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 11:16am
141: Iamabutterfly says:

I intend to open my heart.
I intend to receive.
I intend to be in a committed relationship.

and I will open my heart.
and I will receive.
and I will be in a committed relationship.

I am opening my heart!
I am receiving!
I am in a committed relationship!
with myself!

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 11:18am
142: Daria says:

i too feel really warm inside being called a masculine word like ‘dude’

i feel accepted ‘got’ safe

i like being called beautiful, but thats different

my inner boy said he’ll call me beautiful ‘dude’ then lol

but im now feelign a bit down

i know im not gonna have to ‘give up’ that feeling of safe home acceptance

im just gonna find it inside of me, and instead of a touch, it’s gonna be a lot

right?

pouty trembly face

im really committed to this so i can give up even that lil heart warmth, cuz i know it leads to pain later

but it would feel so good to heal this

aslo, theres something else about me writing this. im making it all pc and not ‘street’ cuz im trying to avoid being attacked i think

i feel scared about that

sigh

i feel weary of split personalitying it

there’s so much pleasure in being around people’s parents and not split personalitying it

but around mine i have

and i really go hard and hold hard to it split split

ouch

i want to heal all this

i feel sad

and overwhelmed

i dont think this is gonna get healed

i intend for all this to get healed in a quick and comfortable way

even if a part of me says no i hear you and love you

and im in charge!

im in charge tho

so im gonna say yes it is and just steamroll thru all this

hmm

i want all of us to feel loved

we’re all safe

all of us together are gonna move together now towards this better feeling placea

its ok to trust me

its ok to not trust me

im moving there

im not leaving anyone behind who doesn’t want to be left behind

so everyone’s wanted and invited

even NV

i feel tight in my chest

i feel sadness

and tahts ok

i actaully LOVE those feelings

mmmmuah

i know they mean im healing

i feel awed at how strong i am to just feel these feelings and keep on pointing to healing and feeling better choice wise

i feel like im dragging huge nets of fish, way bigger than me

it feels tiring and awful and i love those feelings

im ‘battling’ here

i can do some eft on this

i feel pist

i love my pistness

and that feels like

pist

and i love my pistness

and that feels like

blank blink blink

i love my blank blink blink

and that feesl like

chaka khan!

and that feels embarassing

i love my embarassment

i love my funny self

i love that it smells like breastmilk in here???

i love my embarassment

sigh

i need someone else’s approval

i almost had it the other day, but its still not enough

i feel ashamed

im such a brave girl

my inner energies jumped to counter my huge belief change

my mind is super strong like … like something super strong

like iron

when i want it to be

i want it to be flexible most of the time

i dont want to ‘fight’ my body

im gonna heal all

i already contacted backfixbodywork guy to ask for help

sigh

to heal the body so it doesn’t conflict

im doing a lot of babysteps for myself

my life is not a waste

i will be a huge healing figure

like i want to be

sigh

i feel so frustrated!

i feel tight in my chest!

i love my frustration

i love the tightness in my chest

i feel triggered with these mental memories

L*(((((

waaaah

im gonna run away from this

i dont want to keep triggering myself

this doesn’t feel good

and i don’t want to keep on masculine energy toughing this out

img onna let myself out the side door and do some fun SHIT

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 11:19am
143: Iamabutterfly says:

i always feel sore in my body after i let myself feel painful feelings.

it’s almost like I’m working out my emotions, and then my emotional muscles get sore, and have to recover, so they can get stronger!

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 11:20am
144: Smile says:

tonight I just wana hide in my bed. That would feel comfortable.

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 11:22am
145: Iamabutterfly says:

@142 Daria – I feel really connected to you right now. it feels fun. and surprising!

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 11:23am
146: Dominique says:

Femininewoman – 77 – that your test didn’t go well.

xxoo

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 11:25am
147: MissStix says:

Hmmm bloom-ing

A girl once said to me all sad and pouty “My ex bf wouldn’t even touch my belly he hated it so much!!” She looked like she was going to cry!

And I said “Oh ____….He wouldn’t touch your belly because you hated it. Not because he hated it.”

and her eyes got wide and she said “oh my gawd!”.

I love my body. I love my jiggle wiggle belly and G loves it too and he grabs handfulls of it and bites it and kisses it and I giggle and wiggle and squirm and say “No! No belly bites!” But I secretly love it and he knows it.

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 11:26am
148: Iamabutterfly says:

suddenly I feel an overwhelming love for myself and for my ability to feel.

oh, it feels good and empowering and soothing.

I’m remembering a time when I was 13 and I felt so utterly sad, that I made the decision to just cry.
all day.
at school.
in seventh grade.

i didn’t try to stop myself.
i just cried and cried and cried and cried.

people looked at me strange.
people looked at me with sympathy and empathy, I’m sure.
people may have even been looking at me with jealousy.

sweet 13 old boys asked me what was wrong.
sweet 13 old girls gave me hugs.

i love it when it’s okay to cry.

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 11:30am
149: Tam says:

Smile, don’t make it bigger than it is….firstly everybody knows that everybody is ‘spying’, my men even told me. MrP asked me about someone he could only have known by spying my fb – even recently.
So relax, if you undid it straight away, it most likely never showed. At all!!
So just try to think of something else, get back on the horse, do smth nice

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 11:33am
150: Daria says:

(((coco kisses))) – i wouldn’t ‘backlead’ that way anymore, that’s leaning forward energetically… and would harm my vibe, get me angry and disappointed, and damage the feminine-masculne energy balance

Rori doesn’t talk about ‘backleading.’ Just opening up and responding.

It feels so challenging to feel the emotions of not having control, when we are pining for a result. Feeling them and loving our lil girl helps me SO MUCH — have you checked out innerbonding.com for that?

and yes i’d accept dates, and I wouldn’t tell him about it unless he asks

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 11:34am
151: Daria says:

hmm ‘backleading’ Rori style would be opening up the heart, assuming the Rori raye lean back open body position, and smiling. Even just from behind a monitor where nobody could see me

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 11:35am
152: Daria says:

((((lamabutterfly))))

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 11:36am
153: Goddess Lily says:

So even though I missed the opportunity for FMs with the long distance work guy who may turn out to be gay, my work ex showed up almost immediately after and I got another chance. He’s always quick to flirt and talk sexual and then nothing else. Today I expressed that I feel bad hearing that sex is the only way we can spend time together. Turns out he didn’t even know I was single and available to hang out so he went to his comfort zone of joking with me about sex. I then expressed that if he asked me out for a drink, I would say yes. Not in those exact words but you know what I mean.

Now the hard part, not having expectations.

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 11:37am
154: Daria says:

FeminineWoman – hugs for your challenge… I know it must feel sooo jarring and scary and numbing…

and i get the thought its also going to transform your life into something really really good

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 11:37am
155: Dominique says:

About letting go and about expectations =

sexandheart.com/letting-go#comment-2206

sexandheart.com/what-can-you-expect-from-your-man

xxoo

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 11:38am
156: Daria says:

Smile – this seems like a trauma reaction to me…

maybe it will help to notice that…

i wonder what this reminds you of? what was the first time you remember feeling these similar emotions?

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 11:39am
157: Smile says:

Thanks tam, I feel reassured. I still feel fearful to activate it again till he has texted. Just gonna try forget it for a while.

I’m feeling overwhelmed too with the move. Got more viewings sat morning before I go away. I need to start packing but I’m feeling exhausted, like I just wana curl up and sleep.

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 11:41am
158: Femininewoman says:

The Chief told me so I accept it.

Thanks.

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 11:41am
159: Tam says:

(((Smile))) you can do it!!
I will think of you and send positive vibes!!!
You know, the deactivation draws more attention than anything else, so you can just reinstate it and all is fine. Trust

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 11:46am
160: bloom-ing says:

i was feeling kinda mmf-y cuz my lil girl was all “hey, cd bought big dinners for his mom n dad n he doesn’t do that for my momndad” aww sad face, heavy eyebrows

& just now i called him & said that my mom invited us over & he said, we should take them out & he made the plan & i invited them & it works !!!!!! i feel so happy & ….. just plain happy yayyyy & i didn’t even get mad, actually. actually when the first “bad” thought about awww sad he hasn’t taken my parents out, the next thought was, oh but it will feel fun when he does lol yay i trusted him i feel all bumbly happy like a toddler with shaky motor skills lol yayyyy

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 11:46am
161: Daria says:

my peace is black

and it slithers through my pores all snaky

in and out in and out infusing me

coughing up a ball of smoke inside me

that my belly sneezes out, enveloping me in smoke

darkening and darkening

until darkness hugs me

softly

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 11:48am
162: Smile says:

Daria, hmm I feel like I’ve done something wrong. Like I’ve made a big mistake. Last time I felt like this was when I crashed my car and got a driving caution.

I also feel like I’ll get discovered. Like people will be talking about me but not in a good way.

Hmf, just can’t shift it. Feeling really low.

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 11:49am
163: Smile says:

Tam, yeh deactivating probably draws more attention.

I am brave

I am brave

I am brave

Much worse has happened in my life but I guess It’s my fear of pushing him away. Am I afraid of making a mistake?

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 11:51am
164: Tam says:

Smile, you can’t push the right guy away. Not with something like this, not at all.
Can you hug yourself and relax a little?

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 11:53am
165: Kyla says:

processing:

major breakthrough
huge shift in energy
signs everywhere, proof everywhere,
i drop the stones from my pockets, admire how the water lets them pass through unharmed and i float to the surface, resistance free
seeing clearly
everything is weaving together beautifully before my eyes
intricate, complicated, magnificent, perfection
messages flooding me, questions answered in the most unexpected way, everything fitting together
a sudden awakening, realization, transformation
feeling the lightness, the energy return, only its not the same, it is new, a new way of being
seemingly unrelated, conflicting, confusing, overwhelming, the heaviness was not brought on me, the slowness was not new, i was suddenly feeling where i really was and ready to let that go to
all connected, all making perfect sense, a feeling of being whole, excitement
i get it now, it all makes sense!
aha! i have so much more to learn! i know nothing!

piecing it all together now, the words flow freely on to the page, magic

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 11:55am
166: Smile says:

I need to remember my truth!

I’ve concocted a whole story in my head about why I was in his fb page in the first place, ESP when we are not friends on there.

I should just speak my truth if he notices and speaks.

I’m gonna switch this and tell myself if he saw it he would thing. Aww she was checking me out

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 11:58am
167: Smile says:

I’m shivering. I am full of goose bumps. I feel cold 

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 11:59am
168: Tam says:

Smile and you’d be spot on…

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 11:59am
169: coco kisses says:

@ Daria….Feminine Woman posted an article by Christian Cater….Rori’s friend, a few days ago, and he spoke about back leading that way. I thought is give it a shot…anyways the truth is if a man really wants to spend time with you he will be making plans…..I’m trying to re-evaluate myself, and intentions. Why do I feel like my husband is so darn special, he’s not treating me special, and even if I were being perfectly feminine, and doing all the tools right, it may be that he just is not in to me period…..honestly, I’m focusing deeply into me this week. I wanna dig deeper…..thanks for ur input as always. I admire u in so many ways

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 12:08pm
170: Daria says:

“:: “I Didn’t Sign Up For This!” ::

Living in an anti-pleasure culture — where sacrifice
and toil are glorified while pleasure-seeking is
disdained — we’ve been conditioned to *tolerate*
unpleasant states like boredom and confinement.

But such states feel bad for a reason: they suck!

So if you find a particular aspect of parenting
boring or confining, don’t tolerate it! Instigate
a personal revolution and proclaim…

“I DIDN’T SIGN UP FOR THIS!”

You didn’t intend to *suffer* through parenthood.
You wanted to bring more joy into the world.
Love and joy: THAT’S what you signed up for!

With that awareness, you can set a new standard.
Raise the bar. Don’t settle for tolerable
unpleasantness. If you can’t see a more pleasing
way to proceed, just be still, remember your true
intentions, and be open to inspiration.

This is not about having zero tolerance for your
child. It’s not about your child at all! It’s about
listening to *your* Inner Guidance and *honoring* it.

When you honor your Guidance, it honors you *and*
your child.”

http://dailygroove.net/didnt-sign-up-for-this

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 12:12pm
171: Iamabutterfly says:

@ 155 Dominique – Thank you for those beautiful, compassionate, heart-felt articles you wrote. I felt especially moved by the one about “letting go.”

sometimes I swear you’re an angel, Dominique.

I feel heard, understood, and comforted.

Thank you.

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 12:20pm
172: Femininewoman says:

cocokisses – I believe it is more than just about the words. Your energy and intention was to “hook” him. You wanted to control the outcome and he felt it. The way I see it is you said “should you be thinking”….his response was to let you know that he was not thinking about that……in the moment. You just don’t know if he is mulling it over now and might come up with something spontaneous later. Though he might not, I am sure he does not want to be your puppet. Or feel that way.

The other thing is that men generally will not be pulled away from what they want to do. If they change their plans for you, it is because they want to. Of course they have to get to that place on their own. However, I believe that backleading is like planting seeds. It might take some time to germinate.

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 12:22pm
173: Smile says:

I’m feeling more at ease. My muscles are relaxing. I’ve re activated my fb account. Did a few tests with friends on seeing if liking and unliking shows up in notifications. Also feels good to know that others have done stuff like this too. Feels less embarrassing thankyou!

Thank you to the universe for being on my side. But also throwing ip feelings I need to explore more.

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 12:34pm
174: Smile says:

Panic over everyone!!

Ha I can hear you all saying, smile, there was only you panicking actually lol!

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 12:35pm
175: Iamabutterfly says:

wow, reading what I wrote, it doesn’t sound so “crazy” now that I’ve moved past and felt the feelings. why do they feel so crazy and messy in the moment I’m feeling them?

I love my feelings.
I absolutely love them.
They make me feel alive.
and worthy to be alive.

Thank you, God, for my feelings.

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 12:38pm
176: Femininewoman says:

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Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 12:39pm
177: Femininewoman says:

http://www.singleinstilettos.com/

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 12:39pm
178: Tam says:

Smile

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 12:40pm
179: Siren Angel says:

Dominique @155,

Thank you again for sharing with us. I feel all smiley and happy now .

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 12:45pm
180: Mel says:

Hmmmm….

Interesting. This morning, I called down to Mr A: “Don’t worry about the bed, I was going to wash the sheets today.” (he makes the bed EVERY morning) His daughter said: “You’re always doing stuff for my dad. Why?”

I felt this halting jolt, like a whoa, horsey! Stop in the name of the law… feeling.

Am I doing too much? I don’t feel like I am. Mostly, I just help with stuff if he asks me. And I only volunteer when I feel like it. But that’s an interesting observation… I don’t really wanna do stuff for him. As if he’s incapable.

I’ll have to check in on that a bit. I have this thing…. About not wanting to be perceived as lazy. But sometimes I feel lazy. And that makes me feel guilty, so I do stuff.

Thinking… feeling….

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 12:45pm
181: Daria says:

helpful to me w >quotes from a question from a mom who is moving

”
> It doesn’t make sense to *us* what’s important to them~ but I’m
> sure I kept some things my mom wondered about when we moved
> 6 times as I was growing up!

Absolutely. We can help them be people who treat others’ values — even the ones they don’t understand — with respect by treating what they value with respect, especially when we don’t understand why they value it.

> I have had a talk with my girls

Which is parent speak for telling kids, “You’re wrong, I’m right and here’s why.” Unless someone’s hurting someone else, there are ways for sharing views that are less likely to cause the other person to tune out.

Share what you do to help *you* make decisions. Share without pressure to make the same choice, without pressure to see the world the same way. It’s shared as information.

If someone — adult or kid — is handed an idea and knows they can toss it, they’re far more likely to turn it over. If they feel there’s pressure to believe it, to replace their own ideas with this new idea, they’re more likely to erect barriers to protect their own ideas from being taken from them.

> “things” are just that, things.

Which is *your* value, not a universal truth. It is a principle you use to help you make choices that will move towards *your own* goal of having fewer things.

They can benefit from hearing about how you approach the problem for yourself. It’s useful to hear how other people see the world and make choices.

Your daughters’ goals aren’t the same as yours, though. They will need different tools.

To learn how to make decisions, they need to trust their feelings on what they want and weigh whether or not a choice will lead toward it or not. Right now they’re still figuring out their feelings and what choices will lead toward or away. Each time they’re supported in making decisions, they get better at it and learn more about who they are and what they like.

They’re also changing! So their feelings today aren’t the same as they will be next week. But they’ll learn by making choices based on today’s feelings, not on the feelings they may have in 10 years.

By handing them a goal, by handing them a plan to get there, you’re suggesting what they feel is right for them is wrong. You’re suggesting the approach to life is to memorize right goals and right paths to those goals.

> Just because I throw out a drawing you made does not mean I don’t love you.

Actions speak louder than words.

If an action *feels* to them like “I don’t love you”, what you want it to mean is irrelevant.

People’s beliefs, people’s preferences are a part of who they are. If someone dismisses someone else’s beliefs or preferences, it feels like a dismissal of them.

> Honey, I would LOVE for you to be able to take every item in your room.

If your actions say otherwise, the words are meaningless. They make you feel better but just confuse your kids.

It would be more honest to say the truck can only carry so much and then to divide everything — including your stuff — into piles of “absolutely must have”, “really really want to have”, “will be sad but will live if it can’t come,” so when the time comes to load the truck, there aren’t last minute tearful decisions.

BUT, kids are completely dependent on adults to get their needs met. Their ability to keep or toss what’s there’s depends on adult decisions. Imagine your ability to hold onto your own stuff dependent on your husband’s decision. It’s far kinder, far more relationship building for adults to let what can of their own stuff go in order to make room for their children’s precious possessions.

The more power you can lend them, the less tightly they’ll need to cling to their ideas, to their things in order to keep them from being taken away. It won’t turn a “keeper” into someone who can let go easily but it can make a keeper less fearful that things will disappear and will allow time to let them ease up on their own schedule.

Joyce”

answered by Joyce Fetteroll (has a blog)

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 12:48pm
182: Smile says:

Hm, My friend called me a nutter. In a fun friendly way.

I feel curious as to why I’ve made such a big deal out of this…??? Hmm…

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 12:50pm
183: Daria says:

thanks Cocokisses… I admire you as well…

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 12:51pm
184: Daria says:

((((Smile)))) yay… for going out the side door to happy

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 1:02pm
185: Daria says:

French language videos are feeling intriguing the past few days… hmmm

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 1:02pm
186: Miss Bells says:

We went to breakfast at a local cafe. His idea.
Yesterday when I took he bus up to Santa Rosa, he started to go negative on me about the date. I had mentioned that I was planning on doing the winery Wednesday evening Wine and Sunsets, at a place where he would like his band to play. I went online to get the ticket and he told me to get two.
So yesterday, when he got neggie on me I said “You invited yourself along!I don’t want to hear it.” It turns out this hurt his feelings a little bit. So today I said I had a lot more fun with him there, and I WANTED him to come, I just didn’t want him to think it was my idea.

Also– he has been signing his emails ciao lately. I told him I didn’t like it–it was too impersonal.

So we went to my house and dropped of 6 more boxes. And he lay on my bed on top of my quilt and I snuggled under his arm, and we kissed for a second–warm but not quite sexy. And I walked him out.

Now I am in a quite slow sort of pain. I am feeling it and he isn’t, yet. Because he doesn’t know I am pulling away. He has talked to the OW who moved to LA a month ago, but is now somehow back in the area. I think just for this week. I phones are identical and I grabbed the wrong one. She was in the call log. This was Friday. I asked him about her being around and he lied. Then, he spent several days with me and his phone was off the whole time. So he basically ignored her. But I know he talked to her Monday. It doesn’t really matter–the specifics. I DO NOT WANT to be in a weird peer struggle with some woman that used to date the guy in the trailer in back and who he knew for all of five weeks before she left. She was upset about me. That is when I lived there. Now–I don’t live there anymore, though I still have keys. So if he is spending time with me it is only because he wants to.

I feel drained and unable to work properly, but I promised one of my new house mates ( a disabled man) that I would make a stew, so it is simmering in the crockpot downstairs. And a new CD is going to call for the first time this evening.

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 1:03pm
187: Miss Bells says:

#50 Yeah Kyla–I know. But I FEEL heartsick and blue. It doesn’t feel like an exciting adventure right now.

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 1:04pm
188: Radlove says:

This is for Allana Pratt’s free weekly thing on intimacy…sounds fun!

http://allanapratt.com/

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 1:08pm
189: Smile says:

Happy feels much better!!!!

I choose happy 

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 1:09pm
190: coco kisses says:

@Feminine Woman….I am smiling I feel confident that things will work out beautifully…..I am going to do something wonderful for myself….I bought a Groupon to paint pottery so I’m going to snag a few friends and go…..I thinks important for me to remember that men do what they want. This situation is a difficult one, because we are married. Truthfully, I don’t feel comfortable dating other men while I’m married …legally…..if we weren’t is be actively opening myself up for other suitors. I don’t want to jump the gun either and file for a divorce if start legal proceedings when there is an actual chance to save my marriage, but the question is, does he really care? Is he playing games, not really wanting me, but not able to let go at the same time? These are the questions going in in my mind.

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 1:12pm
191: Smile says:

Miss bells, it feels great to read that you now have your own place and have started to cd! 

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 1:12pm
192: Kyla says:

(((miss belle)))

change feels scary to me
doing it anyway feels brave and strong
in a shaky, vulnerable way

sink into the blue feelings and pour love all over them

did you read dominique’s article on letting go?

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 1:14pm
193: bloom-ing says:

Miss Bells,

” I phones are identical and I grabbed the wrong one. ”

aw i feel bummed reading this. i feel so bummed when “the relationship” sort of…. i don’t know…. like “takes its course” due to knowledge of things that haven’t been shared…….. it feels Dramatic – & it makes me think of Dramatic Irony because we all know you know, but he’ll go along acting in accordance with a different reality – one he thinks you’re both in together – where you don’t know anything about that. it just feels…. like authentic connection becomes kind of impossible separated by that barrier….

i notice “I assume” that you don’t want to tell him how you know that he & OW are still in contact. i feel curious if that’s true. i feel curious if you are planning to share with him that you know?

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 1:14pm
194: Miss Bells says:

#193 Yes–I will tell him. I need to be completely open when we finally have a real talk. But–he HAS to initiate it. And he won’t as long as I am kind of just “there”. which means leaning so far back he has to hunt for me. A lot easier when not living there. But– I have to get my stuff out, at least the stuff I care about and need in my daily life. I have been up there a little more than half the time since the move, but if I am staying away it no longer makes sense to keep my kitchen there, for instance.
I will tell him the truth about that–I hate living in two places, and need my things with me.

What I said Friday was “I can feel the hair stand up on my neck like I can FEEL you talking to her.”

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 1:22pm
195: Daria says:

“THE DAILY GROOVE ~ by Scott Noelle
http://www.enjoyparenting.com/dailygroove

:: WordWatch: Always/Never ::

Today, notice whenever you use the words
ALWAYS and NEVER.

The power of these words is in their ability to
*finalize* — to make something seem “written in
stone” — and to establish a strong *expectation*.
For example:

“He ALWAYS throws a tantrum when we leave.”

“I NEVER get enough sleep.”

Remember, you tend to get what you expect, so when
you hear yourself say such things, rephrase them
using softer words that leave open the possibility of
improvement:

“SOMETIMES he throws a tantrum when we leave.
(Maybe this time he’ll be fine.)”

“It’s been a LONG TIME since I got enough sleep.
(Perhaps I can sneak in a catnap today.)”

But *do* use always/never with uplifting thoughts:

“She ALWAYS finds her way.”

“I NEVER make mistakes that I can’t recover from.”

http://dailygroove.net/always-never

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 1:23pm
196: Miss Bells says:

#191 Yes–If there is any hope at all for this relationship, that is the only way.
And if there isn’t any hope I would have had to move out, move on, and start dating again anyhow.

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 1:24pm
197: Mel says:

186, 193

(((Miss Bells)))

That feels sucky. Knowing stuff I didn’t want to know (or did I?) and then asking him questions to see if he’d confess…. Yuck, that brings back horrible memories. I felt so guilty for spying, but yet the knowledge just confirmed what I could feel in my body and heart.

And he so wanted it to be hidden. Though, I’m sure he “knew” that I knew, on some level. When I couldn’t take it anymore and told him I knew, it was finished. There was just no trust. For either of us.

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 1:27pm
198: Daria says:

“THE DAILY GROOVE ~ by Scott Noelle

:: WordWatch: Always/Never ::

Today, notice whenever you use the words
ALWAYS and NEVER.

The power of these words is in their ability to
*finalize* — to make something seem “written in
stone” — and to establish a strong *expectation*.
For example:

“He ALWAYS throws a tantrum when we leave.”

“I NEVER get enough sleep.”

Remember, you tend to get what you expect, so when
you hear yourself say such things, rephrase them
using softer words that leave open the possibility of
improvement:

“SOMETIMES he throws a tantrum when we leave.
(Maybe this time he’ll be fine.)”

“It’s been a LONG TIME since I got enough sleep.
(Perhaps I can sneak in a catnap today.)”

But *do* use always/never with uplifting thoughts:

“She ALWAYS finds her way.”

“I NEVER make mistakes that I can’t recover from.”

http://dailygroove.net/always-never“

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 1:27pm
199: Daria says:

mmm … i feel happy I got a footbath and am soaking feetsies and bout to watch a show

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 1:29pm
200: Mel says:

♥ to you Lilybelly! xoxo

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 1:38pm
201: Iamabutterfly says:

I just feel like typing/writing.

It feels good.
It feels good for my fingers to move and for my thoughts and feelings to flow out of my fingers.
It feels like magic.
It feels like a gift.

“It feels like” aren’t true feeling messages. I understand that.

It feels cathartic.
It feels over-flowing.
as though I am a well full of water, and every additional gift makes me bubble over.
Water spills down my sides.
It hydrates.
It feels soothing.
Water is life-giving.
I am capable of giving life.
That’s feminine.

I want to curse.

I am capable of feminity.

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 1:42pm
202: Iamabutterfly says:

I feel so lonely on the phone at work.

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 1:43pm
203: Siren Angel says:

Miss Bells,

I know it hurts, but you are way to deep into this, understandably, to see things entirely clearly from both sides, because you are hurting.

Rori says if they are not right in front of you, they don’t exist. Right now, you are treating her like a rival, and you are therefore giving her that right energetically.

Please try to see that you are making him wrong when in fact he has been spending time with YOU, ignoring HER calls.

Also, I am sure he has picked up that you keep moving things out, so what is he to think about you having an open heart to him and about the situation?

I sense there would be a much calmer ‘stance’ here to hold, if you could see clearly. He does snuggle with you…

“Also– he has been signing his emails ciao lately. I told him I didn’t like it–it was too impersonal.” How can he not when you are moving your stuff out?

“I hate living in two places, and need my things with me.” You are telling him if you say it this way, that you WANT to move your things out. Is this true? How can he move forward in these circumstances? Leaning back is not about putting up a wall.

He does send you emails, see you, snuggle with you, go on dates with you… I feel confused. But I am sorry as I know I may be missing large pieces of information on your story. But it almost seems like you are making it the way it is. Does this make any sense?

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 1:47pm
204: Iamabutterfly says:

It feels really healing and exhilarating when a caller treats me like a person.

when a caller asks me how I’m doing, and tells me about the sunshine where he is.

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 1:48pm
205: Siren Angel says:

I would make it a point to not look for what I don’t want to see.

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 1:50pm
206: Siren Angel says:

Miss Bells,

How does knowing about OW make you feel around him? How do you show/share these feelings to him?

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 1:51pm
207: Siren Angel says:

Miss Bells,

Do you see how this is extremely blamey:

“What I said Friday was “I can feel the hair stand up on my neck like I can FEEL you talking to her.””

You loose when you do this. Please don’t. This is a not an FM because the word feel is in there.

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 1:58pm
208: Siren Angel says:

Miss Bells,

I am sorry… I feel harsh. I don’t like to see sister Sirens hurting themselves like this. It makes me feel very protective and it comes out all harsh.

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 1:59pm
209: Femininewoman says:

Commitment Blueprint is a long, amazing program, which I broke into seven steps of a process. And those seven steps turned out to be very powerful, so I’ve created more programs that go into depth in each one of those steps. That’s how it kind of works.

In Commitment Blueprint I break it down to Step One as intellectually understanding the dynamic between you and a man. I call this the Energy Bubble. Then there are all kinds of tools around that – like one of my most well-known ones: Leaning Back. How the dynamic works between you and a man. How if you “Lean Forward,” a man leans back. If you “Lean Back,” a man leans forward – and how that works in an energetic kind of intellectual sense.

Then Step Two starts with what you have to stop doing. What you need to undo. All the things that you’ve been doing that are not working.

Then Step Three I call The Invitation, which is What do you do instead of all the things you’re doing that don’t work – and The Invitation became a program called Modern Siren.

Then Step Four is about managing your emotions – because once you stop doing things that you’ve been doing your whole life, patterns that are not working for you – you’re going to start to feel. Emotions are going to start to come up. Emotions that you’ve been trying to hide by doing all of those things that don’t work.

I have a whole mass of Tools around what to do with those emotions when they come up, so you can deal with fear and you can deal with anxiety and actually kind of disappear the ways they’ve been showing up that are getting in your way, and instead USE the power of your emotions to get more of what you want with a man, more love, affection, tenderness, sex, everything.

The Fifth Step is about loving yourself, which has become a big thing on the web, but I created small, very do-able tools for you to begin to love all parts of yourself, so that a man can love you.

My Sixth Step I call Circular Dating. It’s a concept I came up with, which I created a whole other program around called Targeting Mr. Right. Circular Dating is not just about dating. It’s not just about getting a bunch of numbers of men around you, although it’s kind of crucial that you do that.

What it is – Circular Dating is practicing my tools “in the field.” It is every time you speak to a man on the street or behind the counter at a market or in a coffeehouse, every time you smile at a man, you’re having a Circular Date. It can be a boy. It can be an older man. It can even be a woman.

It simply means you’re using my whole extensive toolkit of speaking and feeling, of using Feeling Messages, of sticking to my Four Rules, of all kinds of emotional tools and word tools and “Scripting” tools – and you’re practicing them out in the field. That’s what Circular Dating is. And it can look like actual dating, it looks like dating more than three men at a time – and I explain how to do that in Targeting Mr. Right.

The Seventh Step – I call it Change Everything, which is about putting it all together to actually “shift your vibe.” In other words, you can change your hair. You can change the clothes you wear, the colors you wear and surround yourself with – all those things actually make an impact on how you feel about yourself. They actually do make a shift in your “vibe” and also the things you change on your inside.

The routine you have from morning to night. What you think. What you think about what you think. What you think about what you believe. All of these things change your vibe and that is Step Seven.

What I do in Commitment Blueprint is basically help you get this relationship to your “Happy Ever After” and that led me to Modern Siren, that is my most popular program and was a big surprise!

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 2:01pm
210: Smile says:

Hm FW- I’m intrigued about this part of shifting your vibe in step 7

The routine you have from morning to night. What you think. What you think about what you think. What you think about what you believe. All of these things change your vibe and that is Step Seven.

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 2:09pm
211: Smile says:

“How do I find THE ONE?”

You don’t.

“The One” isn’t something you find,
it’s something you create.

There’s hundreds (thousands, maybe)
of men you could be ecstatic
with in this world.

The key is to find a great guy
and build a relationship
with him that deepens over time.

Do it right and you’ll wake
up one day to see “the one” right
there under your nose.

Best,

Mike

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 2:16pm
212: Miss Bells says:

SA: @202
I have moved out for very good reasons. He was being just AWFUL this summer–and then she left and he got cuddly again. But HIS stance is that we are friends only, but that is not what his actions say– but he stops short of sex because he knows he would have to be in 100% for that to be OK with me–then he tells me I should marry a doctor.

He should know that I AM moving out–that all the cuddling in the world won’t make this right without him saying and meaning that he is IN love with me, and ditching what’s her face and getting off Match.
We lived together for about four years when he started chasing some woman he met at a party I went to WITH him. It blew over in three weeks, but I moved out immediately.

That was in the summer of 2011. By the end of August he was courting me, and by November we were sleeping together again, but he never sealed the deal, and I didn’t push it.

My other place was terrible, and I was getting seriously ill. The kind of sick that can kill you. He has a hang up about money and though I was still broke, and though he is very well off, he did not offer to help me get some medical attention. But–I did move back in, and paid him a household contribution every month. That is when he placed me in the “friend zone.

By the time I was able to afford medical treatment I was in bad shape. But I slowly got better.

And everything else stayed the same as if we were still a REAL couple. We socialized with friends, I cooked every day, we snuggled–but no sex, we went on dates and outings.

Then– when I got back from a business trip, I discovered that he was chasing around with this person–the trailer guy’s ex-gf.

But–instead of just running like last year, I moved very slowly this time. I waited till I found a great place.I am not broke anymore, since have received my inheritance. And that OW blew over, mostly, in a few weeks. I will not treat her like a rival. That is part of why I moved.

So, no, just dating me is not enough anymore, not while he is seeing ANYONE else. And if he wants me to live with him, he needs to marry me.

If he is concerned about my moving my stuff to my new house it is on him to say so, and to do something to stop me. I need to feel that he is in love with me and is so crazy about me he won’t let me go. If I can’t have that, then he can’t have my snuggles, my attention, or my company.

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 2:17pm
213: Siren Angel says:

FW and Smile,

I went from (too) blond for years, to a reddish/brunette last winter, to a brunette/copper/caramel, to caramel/with honey streaks and now to strawberry blond with blond streaks. I feel so different and beautiful every time.

I changed my clothes too. I always wear sexy but acceptable and trendy, but mostly black, and jeans. I added a lot of peach and corals last winter, then soft blues and whites and creams this summer a lot of dresses and chiffon tops and skirts. Then shifted back to deep pinks and blues. I am now adding more black again for the fall but with deep tones of teal blue and raspberry reds. I just add a new vest here, a new pair of shoes there, a new top here. I also take out items from previous seasons and enjoy matching them up again differently.

I am enjoying the ‘flow’ this has created around my femininity. I surprise myself and M is surprised.

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 2:19pm
214: Smile says:

This is my all time favourite Rori tool at the minite. It’s really helping me. I read it most days.

1. Pave Over Your Flypaper

Pave it over with rose petals, and fairy dust, and gold dust, and soft sand from exotic beaches. Make it soft.

Make it so a man’s footprints can be felt, and yet he can fly away and the breeze will blow more gold and fairy dust and soft sand to leave a fresh place for another man – or 100 men! – to leave more footprints…

And… perhaps stay awhile. Or forever.

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 2:20pm
215: Daria says:

Yay it’s working my pedicure is feelin looovely

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 2:24pm
216: Siren Angel says:

(((Miss Bells)))

I am sorry you are going through this.

“then he tells me I should marry a doctor.” and “the trailer guy’s ex-gf”. I get a sense here that he may think he is not good ENOUGH for you… The blaming will only enforce this in his mind.

I understand your point however, it is truly a difficult situation to live in and handle.

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 2:27pm
217: MissStix says:

Un-packing feels weird. I have thoughts about how annoying this actually is.I feel fake in this moment. Like I don’t actually want to be doing this. And effing grrrrrrrrrrr. And annoyed.

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 2:28pm
218: Siren Angel says:

Smile,

I feel curious… from which program is this tool?

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 2:28pm
219: MissStix says:

Now I don’t want to spend the weekend with G. Like…I’ve done all this work to move my stuff just to pack an effing bag and go back to his house for 3 nights.

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 2:30pm
220: Siren Angel says:

Miss Bells,

Are you Cding?

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 2:30pm
221: MissStix says:

I feel angry right now. Grrrrrrrrr urrrrrrgh rawr! Rahhhhhhhhhhhh I feel a scream building in my chest and throat!!!

So rediculous and I don’t want this difficulty in my life. I feel pi$$ed! I feel crazy hot angry. Not common for me. I just want to make loud growly noises from my gut. Like uuuuuuuuurgh uggggggggggg grrrrrrrrrrrraaaawr! Rrrrrrraaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh! Ffffffffeck. Why do I feel sooooo effing angry!!!

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 2:34pm
222: Siren Angel says:

MissStix,

I often feel that way too about bringing my stuff, then bringing it back. My current situation has put it in perspective though. I don’t care how many bags I have to pack, carry, unpack. I feel so happy when I go there and we are together.

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 2:35pm
223: Siren Angel says:

MissStix,

My point is can you change your perspective, therefore shift your feeling, on this particular bag packing/unpacking thing?

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 2:36pm
224: Miss Bells says:

215/ 219
When I asked him about the contact with her he made a comment about “putting up with him”. As in–I shouldn’t.

If he felt blamed by what I was saying he would have exploded– he does have a temper–but I said it in a really airy way and got right off the subject without pressing him. We went inside and ate leftover Thai, and went on to a nice weekend–through Monday afternoon. She called again on Saturday, and agin on Monday, and then he called her back.
But I also know he has been home alone except when I was there since then. I know because he was in fairly constant email and phone contact on Tuesday as we hashed out some technical things with his band promo. He would not have done that in front of her.

Yes-I am CDing. I started a singles over 50 meetup in this area that now has nearly 300 members after one year. I started it last fall when we were broken up, and I didn’t stop when we got back together. I also am on POF and OK cupid, but mostly hate it.
And–I still go out by myself as I always have.

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 2:42pm
225: Miss Bells says:

it feels FUCT to think about this.
If I don’t accept rivalry there is none. If he wants to be with me he will be. I won’t fight over him like a two birds over a worm.
But–if he wants to be with me he needs to be with me for real.

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 2:48pm
226: Goddess Lily says:

AAAAAAAHHHHHHH I’ve been feeling happy, really happy in fact. And then my recent ex calls and my dumb butt answered the phone. I should’ve ignored him but I thought that would be mean. He started talking as if we were still together or really good friends. Telling me about everything he’s been doing. I don’t care actually. Then he asked if I was still doing Insanity. I told him I stopped because I was losing my best “assets.” I lost 8 lbs but it was coming off all the wrong areas. To which he disagreed and began to debate with me….something I always hated when we were together. I immediately felt agitated and angry with myself for allowing this to happen. Why do I feel so irritated so fast? Why couldn’t I just ignore him and not engage in debating this time? I feel tense now. Ironic since I was attempting to plan a weekend getaway for myself at a hotel and spa right before he called. I’m even typing angrily. And now I want cinnamon rolls!!!!!

And then he called back to apologize for debating with me. I told him I feel bad when I have to debate. He said he enjoys debating, just not with me….then he tried to make small talk which was extremely awkward.

After this talk, he will feel better….and I will still be tense!

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 2:53pm
227: Daria says:

Triggered off in my head in blaming groups of people land

Missing that included feeling

Making it up thru us vs them thoughts

Ouch

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 2:53pm
228: Siren Angel says:

(((Miss Bells)))

I am sorry if I triggered more emotion.

I see you are taking really good care of yourself and that must feel good to you even though the Cding is ‘work’.

I get here that she is the one chasing him, not the other way around, and that you are the one blaming him… Just a thought. Again, I may be wrong.

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 2:55pm
229: Siren Angel says:

Daria, you are inspiring me to give myself a lovely pedicure.

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 2:59pm
230: Daria says:

I feel pist. Bliss blocking? Grr

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 3:02pm
231: Siren Angel says:

Miss Bells,

I am sorry, but this is THE part I would cut out ” I know because he was in fairly constant email and phone contact on Tuesday as we hashed out some technical things with his band promo. ” Why are you helping him, doing things for him, when you are feeling frustrated with this man? You want to be in his heart, not in his brain or his mother.

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 3:03pm
232: Miss Bells says:

#228
It started with him chasing her.
I think that has changed. She SAW us together for months when she was visiting Doug. He likely told HER I was “just a housemate”. She never so much as spoke to me the whole time she was there with Doug.
I think the whole thing changed when she realized I was not just a housemate. Doug thought we were married…
I am sure he talked about me WAY to much. That is something he does. Part of her dramatic exit was because I was still there. And I still am.
Only now– the only reason for me to be there is his desire. he can’t blame it on my being a housemate, and neither can she.
So I think now he is saying -yeah–call me if you are around– and she is– but he is and has given her VERY little.
I am not willing to receive crumbs. If she is–she wins. And yes–up until now it was a battle. But not now. I have had time to center myself and think this through. I have been THE woman for a loooong time.
If i REALLY leave he will know what he is losing.
The only thing left now is to jump, and feel the free fall to the next thing. Which may yet be him the way I want him, not as it has been up till now. I am taking a stand and choosing me.

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 3:09pm
233: Daria says:

I hear you anger I love you

And I’m choosing to believe I am creating everything even the horrible stuff. I’m choosing not to blame. This will give us infinite power. Thank you for being here w me n voting for me. You’re intense and awesome and I feel powerful w u supporting me.

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 3:09pm
234: Daria says:

Siren Angel I feel glad to be seen and to be inspiring yay

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 3:12pm
235: Dominique says:

Iamabutterfly – 171 – Thank you for this. I feel touched and teary eyed.

You do know that butterflies are my favorite creature don’t you? I’ve been taking pictures of them all summer and posting them on my FB pages. They grow them really big here.

xxoo

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 3:16pm
236: Dominique says:

Femininewoman – I feel badly for you that your test didn’t go well, but maybe you can take comfort in holding close the notion that everything happens for the best of reasons, for your greater good. You may never know why it unfolded like this, and this is okay.

You can try again at another time maybe, or maybe another, better opportunity will reveal itself to you.

xxoo

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 3:19pm
237: Dominique says:

Siren Angel –

xxoo

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 3:21pm
238: Siren Angel says:

Miss Bells,

I hear you. I am sorry this situation if unfolding the way it is, but you know your situation and him better.

It feels good to see you are taking care of you.

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 3:26pm
239: Daria says:

Sigh . I feel so powerful when I’m noticing myself going into that us them thing. I feel so much intensity there that I feel yummy with, but maybe I’m just having low blood pressure. And also the truth is it doesn’t really feel Good.

Some good and also sad. Like fighting back.

Hmmmmh

Mgh

Mgh

Hey I really think I may be part Gypsy on my dads side.

Maybe not tho I feel confused.

But my soul and talents are really easy into it.

Like I went DUMB on Flamenco even tho I only did it 2 months, while I was doing Egyptian belly dance for like 8 years.

And now I can sing… Romanian music … Not on notes

And I jerk and love being loud free , colors and in groups and don’t care about ‘class’ but do like showing off

Ok

I’m so mixed w Greek Russian and I think that Mongolian or Cuman Asian steppe rider.

Hmmm

And I’m here too Danubian queen.

Fun to be a mix and not a mix both .

Jerk.

It would feel fun to make babies w a man w awesome features that are diff than mine in some ways so we can mix even more of earths current babies.

Also I feel afraid to say I am running away from men and thinking a different man don’t bring the problems of these men.

But found yesterday the belief that all types of men can worship the goddess.

I’m creating the world right now.

Mnmmh

I feel disappointed ciz mr healer man is still being himself and I’ve felt kinda unheard by him sometimes.

But his info is good and intuition tells me to pick up some help here.

I’m not heroic tradition – shakes head – but it can help me get some help w what I want .

I can use what I learn wise woman style and share share share yes.

I’m feeling overwhelmed by life what if I don’t have enough life I’m already 30.

30 years here uffff

Why do I have to want to Transform Everuthing on a big scale.

It can be just a small shift like seeing auras yes infinite posss….

But I seem to want to use my masc energy for it, doing loud talking being seen and followed… Hmmm

If I shift myself there won’t be need to shift others and I feel concerned about them

They would be inspired by me tho!

Hmmmm

So what do I do w this huge masculine energy ?

Masc energy, it would feel so good to experience myself transformed the way I was thinking about the world to be. What do you think?

It would feel great to have help. What do you think?

Well we can do those stretches yes.

Hmm feeling sleepy.

Masc energy is attracted I feel attractive abd inviting yes.

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 3:33pm
240: Daria says:

Stop focusing or ‘wortying’ about the world or how to get across to ‘them’ yes. Just focus on me and creating what pleases me and sharing what feels good to me yes.

When thinking about ‘world’ notice and pretend it doesn’t exist???

Wont my masc energy get bored, constrained,

Won’t I be robbing my world of masc energy?

Put all masc energy into me.

But isn’t that one of my passions?

We don’t know, seems more like addiction, let’s cut it out and keep it turned onto helping Me and see what happens.

Yes masc all for feminine. Not for out there, for my tree, yes I receive it all ce teeing it all on me again.

I feel moved and tingly warmth nose

Tears

Wow u feel surprised

Sign that yes I feel moved

Thas wassup

Thank you for hearing me masc energy Daria.

I feel relieved.

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 3:41pm
241: Starla says:

I feel really lost. What test? What’s wrong, FW?

I feel worried

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 3:43pm
242: Daria says:

This is some magical shit

I hope I can stick to it

I’m damn good at sticking to shit like this so I feel moved again knowing how huge this is

I made it

I’m on the road to heaven I just ‘saved’ myself

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 3:44pm
243: Annie says:

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And yet, your relationships are still not what you desire!

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Orna and Mathew.

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 3:50pm
244: Daria says:

Passions feel good. Not addictions right?

Won’t the worldbe bereft of my masc energy

What about out the window

Agh

It wasn’t serving me.

I’m crying and I know this feels good and intriguing.

This experiment is the way and will be checking how it feels along it.

Ah I remember there’s doubts when I stopped putting masculine energy towards my brothers.

But aren’t they fucked up?

Jerk

Not really,

Some are dead.

But it’s a choice.

This is way bug way deep. And I didn’t lean back in my head.

Way about the kids?

The kids ‘need’ masc energy no?

Some yeah

Hmm chest tight

Feel confused.

Try it out, w the world. More will be seen as we practice.

Sigh.

Focusing on fem is the way.

She ‘needs it more than the kids.

The kids will be taken care of spontaneously, naturally.

My well being spreads well being.

I gotta believe that. Just know it in the unknown.

No energy toward battle means creating my life.

I can create peace.

More self caring woman means more wisdom.

Naturally taken care of. Trust trust.

Pain fear.

Thoughts it would feel good to have help here, taking care of me. What do you think?

I think putting sheets in closet would feel good.

I want hugs and relax and comfort.
Umgh

Yeah I can do that for you. Guts churning feeling panicked not paid attention to. Feeling torn in two.

Clingy.

Effort to turn attention to me. Gentle. Peace.

Soft. Slow. Hmmm… That feels so good…

Hmmh

Mmmmm

Feels yum

Hmgh

Hhhh heart feels anxious

Heart beats powerfully calmly

Warming chest n pelvis for me

Jerk

Mnmm feel soft

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 3:59pm
245: Butterfly wings says:

LiliBee – I’ve seen a LOT of similarities between your situation and mine. Our men are quite different but I think you and I are quite similar in many ways!

Scary huh??

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 4:00pm
246: Daria says:

My thinking mind is excellent at understanding, but I don’t think understanding will help me here.

I’m gona go at it on trust

Intuition hells yeah

Mhhhm

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 4:18pm
247: Daria says:

Sink

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 4:19pm
248: Daria says:

Flailing Grasping

Seen honor transform

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 4:21pm
249: Femininewoman says:

The test was for a career shift, a promotion, significant increase. This was the second hurdle to cross. Really sad.

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 4:25pm
250: Femininewoman says:

Honestly Dominique I despise the try again line. That is what I was told today. I have all the standard corporate qualifications. This is just an additional layer of testing this section built in over the last couple of years. Seems the closer one gets to crossing the finish line they move the goalpost. In the meantime I see people come in from outside at higher levels.

Anyway I don’t want to do the post mortem thing.

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 4:29pm
251: Dominique says:

Femininewoman – I so understand which is why I say that this may be a blessing in disguise, for maybe there is another, much more you opportunity around the corner. It just hasn’t revealed itself to you yet.

And too there is always the possibility that you are being protected. Maybe the position you were aiming for would have brought unforeseen events, ones that may not have felt good.

I do believe that the universe is not only infinitely patient but also infinitely wise (this being your higher self).

xxoo

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 4:35pm
252: Femininewoman says:

Thanks Dominique

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 4:40pm
253: Femininewoman says:

One thing I must say, at the start the test would not come up. They had to call the IT guy twice and he ultimatley changed the computer. I started 25 minutes later than others. I said to myself this is not a good sign. Though I cheerled myself in the bathroom 10 minutes before I realised it took me a good half hour after starting to really get my juices flowing. I noticed the ease of thoughts and writing when it kicked it.

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 4:44pm
254: MissStix says:

mmmm daria your words are edible…And I want to keep saying mmmmm mmmmm this girl is aware. She knows what’s up…

Hmmm how to love my anger…I feel resistance. I don’t want to be with it and it feels overwhelming today. Not like rage…That feels more focused and acute. Hmmm this anger was just ROAR and big and mighty and powerful. Urgh. Now i’m channeling it through me again. I simply don’t like you anger. And feeling you makes you grow mightier and I force you out through my mouth and into a pillow. But ok…That’s not so bad I guess. Because when i’m done I can say ahhhh and breathe and feel depressurized and ionized. Mmmm it feels just misty and light and fresh and glittery! Because I am in control of me and my doings. This is my need. To be home. And in fact I will not stay away from here for more than 3 nights in a row. And if I want to come home after 2 days then ummm yah I will! And that’s that. Hands brushed and hair flipped and he11s yah it feels all diva in my body! heh mmmm

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 4:52pm
255: Daria says:

wow miss stix hehe thanks feeling all shy

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 5:01pm
256: Daria says:

yeah… i’m really feeling peaceful and remembering times I got turned away from something that felt Big and… there’s actually still healing to do aroudn the emotions of the time,

but then life changed course so magically that that wouldn’t have worked for me, and I wouldn’t want to be doing that now – ouch well some aspects of it will fele great but the underlying essential soul-fulfillng ‘significance’ has completely changed

as in when i used to tutor and was so into it and now am well NOT into school as I have come to see that it’s a constraint on learning

sighhhhhh

and theres lots of examples from men world that we all know we’re glad we got our heartbroken well i am

in ‘emergency’ situations if i felt very bad like say if one of my parents died I would use Byron Katie and also Abraham videos to help me shift

fast and gentle

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 5:07pm
257: Daria says:

i am doing Byron Katie around “I feel scared my parents will die” and it just felt very relieving…

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 5:10pm
258: Daria says:

I can still use the knowlege of math and english and help someone else but I want to do something else that feels more authentic and fulfilling energy wise, now that I’m not putting schooling on a pedestal (and alternating fighting against that concept at the same time)

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 5:12pm
259: Daria says:

there are signs that show me ahead of time that its no longer a fit for me, but when i hold on and cling sometimes it takes a painful rip to shift … would have felt gentle to be aware at first, but felt too tightened up and holding on sometimes

i feel concerned about taht for some of the non CDing ladies in uncommitted relationships

but its all learning and sometimes painful heartbreak later may feel better than letting go of something im just not ‘able’ to at the time, love for me, learning to be aware and take care of me in babysteps

some of the traumas feel so overwhelming,

im a brave woman

and a wise woman now

and actually feel pretty safe knowing that now

and also afraid, have i outgrown heartbreak, mmm in some waysa nd in some ways i still feel afraid

more love to me

shifting is FAST

letting msyelf out the SIDE door yes

mhhm

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 5:26pm
260: Daria says:

taking my feelings into account around my decisions of activities such as stretching feels so loving

mm i feel down head purrr purrr

i say oh i feel kinda sick and queasy and also i would like to have this exercise done what do you think?

oh ok mmm it would feel great to do it in a fun way, what do you think?

oh yes we can do gentle would that feel good?

yes that would feel good yum

i put on my shoes and its already done now wow

side door out of resistance dialogue with feeling girl ask how she feels yes feels comfort warm

naturally done yes

i feel tight in my chest and queasy and also i want to honor my Godson for his birthday and let him know i love him what do you think?

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 5:30pm
261: luzydel says:

I don’t want to think that there is a man for me out there; and I do not want to think that there Isn’t one either.
I just want to be happy in this moment and do the things I love, not thinking about a man either real or imaginary…

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 5:49pm
262: Daria says:

ouch

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 5:53pm
263: Daria says:

the conversation im having in my head with his mom right now is sounding real solid and affirming and real

i like this conversation

i know it would go just like this too

i wonder what ill feel like tomorrow

i still have a lot of time to do EFT and heal on this so I feel excited to see how transformed and open and connected and powerful and warm I feel by his birthday

thank you Daria for doing this for me.

i know this feels great to me to have connections in my life and grow longstanding ones

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 5:57pm
264: Daria says:

i know it feels important to me to feel honored and powerful ina connection

mmm

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 5:58pm
265: Daria says:

my responses to men online are so much more dialed back right now and im finally experiencing that “peace” rori talks about when being totally in feelings

yesssss

many times i dont answer at all!

and its not affecting attraction or how much im being contacted, i mean i can FEEL myself just being, not controlling and that is attractive, I feel attractive and interesting and huge

I can tell the men must be more at ease … sigh … ah yes

it just feels so freeing!

sooo deeply comfortable

smh

it feels dope

i can handle having men ‘around’ online, I can handle my feelings

im not letting myself get overwhelmed by feleing obligated to respond, maybe i even respond once and if i dont feel inspired to respond i dont, but not mean just cuz this is my energy and im just being right now,a nd actually thats encouraging to men, cuz they feel safe to come close and come Into me

yum

yayy!

I ‘get’ it on a whole new level and its sticking!

and I jsut thought i can practice this feeling of being when i feel tense and scared of men on the street

mmm

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 6:06pm
266: Radlove says:

I feel overwhelmed.

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 6:07pm
267: Daria says:

I’m practicing in my head w the big one my dad

Mm

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 6:12pm
268: LiliBee says:

245:

Yeah scary BW!

I’m struggling right now.
Resisting the urge to call.
Resisting the urge to control.

I feel so yuck and tense.

He called earlier just to let me know he had to work and may not hear my call, so not to worry if I couldn’t reach him.
He said he would call if he didn’t get home too late.

I’m feeling suspicious and very insecure.

The last time he pulled away like that and called less often was bc he was calling another woman.

I’m sitting wondering if he warned me I might not be able to get a hold of him coz he was on a date.

I hate this.

Wouldn’t it be simply to be able to talk to each other about what’s going on instead of pulling away from each other like this?

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 6:37pm
269: Miss Bells says:

#268
Yeah–I know.
I feel lonely and bummed that I have to worry.
But no urge to pick up the phone or email anything. He will come to me.
We have all kinds of threads tying us together. Probably too many if he really isn’t in love with me and won’t ever be. Rori says men will hold onto women they love but are not in love with just to have the company and whatever else they can get. It is my job to make sure this doesn’t happen, if that is what it is.

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 6:45pm
270: Miss Bells says:

203
SA–i started thinking about this–If this were something I could turn around without moving I would…
He NEED to FEEL me moving away. If these tools work and he was ever in love with me this will draw him closer, not push him away.

#231 I have worked for him for years in his music biz and printing biz. He still things I do, and up till now I haven’t been unhappy with this arrangement–yes he PAYS me well–I insist on it. We have talked about being full partners in the print brokerage he started 26 years ago. I could bring in fresh clients and help build it back up, while acquiring a 50% interest in an established biz. He is also paying me $500 to load a book he owns the right to onto Kindle. This is another aspect of the extreme complexity and entanglement here.
But–I don’t help him like a mom would. And I never TELL him what to do.
He knows I have a real knack for fixing glitchy software. I will be sitting peacefully doing my thing when I hear “BELLS!!”–my printer WON”T WORK!! he know I can fix it and I can’t hide that fact.

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 6:56pm
271: Miss Bells says:

270 that should be thinks not things. Feeling sloppy tonight.

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 7:05pm
272: Memulo says:

SA,

Wow, it felt so good to read about your dress style. I love skirts and dresses too! It’s nice to wear color in fall and winter. Even in winter a short skirt and warm tights feel good. I bet you look amazing in dresses.

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 7:30pm
273: Mia_Vitta says:

Oh, Virginia, you are so amazing, and put things into such a fantastic, and delicious perspective!

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 8:23pm
274: k2012 says:

Wow. Wonderful. I am in bed thinking about the same issue. Where is Mr. Right and why can’t I find him. Tomorrow is 8 weeks since my ex disappeared and I am slowly getting over him. I am getting there, trust me. But I need to meet my husband and that’s what I am here thinking. He is out there somewhere. And I will find him. I am longing for a wonderful partner, someone who will treat me with love and respect.

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 8:24pm
275: Radlove says:

I spent the day yesterday with my friend in another state, who I’ve known since 1989. She’s helping me financially to help her with her paperwork.

It felt good to have someone to talk to about R who knows me personally, who doesn’t make yucky assumptions about me like implying that I’m crazy or something. I feel hurt when I talk about him sometimes on the blog. It felt good to feel instantly understood by her.

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 9:03pm
276: Tereana says:

I love these great nuggets from the post:

“You will meet him faster if you believe he’s there.”

YES!

“you are responsible for putting out the “vibe” that will attract the right man to you.”

Absolutely.

“expecting him is like opening the door.”

I love that.

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 10:18pm
277: Smile says:

Siren angel, it felt so beautiful to read how you change your hair and clothes. I feel inspired… I am long over due a cut. It feels long and lank with a few strands of grey! Eek! Although it looks pretty when I add large waves with my curling wand.

The tool was in roris email recently. I loved it instantly!

Its felt a struggle not to push strummingman away recently and in the past I’ve always held on to him. With this toll I can allow him to come in and out, leave his footprint but still stay on my horse.

I’ll post the whole tool below for you.

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 10:25pm
278: Smile says:

Tool: Finding Good Love That Really Sticks

1. Pave Over Your Flypaper

Pave it over with rose petals, and fairy dust, and gold dust, and soft sand from exotic beaches. Make it soft.

Make it so a man’s footprints can be felt, and yet he can fly away and the breeze will blow more gold and fairy dust and soft sand to leave a fresh place for another man – or 100 men! – to leave more footprints…

And… perhaps stay awhile. Or forever.

2. Leave it up to him

Let him choose: Stay or go.

I know this feels totally impossible when we’re clinging to a thread of a relationship. When we want things to work out, when we want things to go the way we want them to go. When we’ve waited so long for love, and finally a man has shown up who told us he loved us. Perhaps he even promised us love.

Yet, if you can remember this, you’ll feel SO much better and be SO much more attractive to ANY man:

The difference between what a man says and what he does are the difference between a lifelong love partnership, and a fling.

It doesn’t matter if the fling lasts days, weeks, months or even years (and, yes – many men are totally capable of allowing friendly “flings” to endure for years…) if it isn’t a lifelong love partnership, with all the commitment bells and whistles you desire in order to relax and feel happy, then it’s still a “fling.”

If you’re not watching what he does, you can accidentally use my Rori Raye Tools to keep a fling going for such a long time that you may get lulled into thinking it’s going to be forever. (Yes – the Tools are THAT powerful.)

Instead, use my Tools to bring so MANY men close to you that you NEVER feel at any one man’s mercy.

Just because you love him and are invested in him doesn’t mean he has a claim on you UNTIL he actually claims you.

So let HIM make the decisions about where the relationship is going. And YOU make the decisions about whether what he wants is what YOU want.

This is where YOU get to stay or go, too. This is THE most powerful place you can come from inside yourself – the most powerful message you can deliver to a man: That you will not be trying to convince him to be with you forever.

That, instead, you’ll trust him to make his own decisions based on how he feels and what he wants. And then you’ll see if that’s enough for you. This mental attitude can make you feel incredibly powerful and peaceful – both at the same time. Now…

3. Put imaginary plants around your mental and emotional self

Plants that will give you shade for your thoughts and feelings. Plants that will nurture and feed you… And most of all – plants that will invite a man to sit in the shade with you and share your bounty.

4. Don’t ask him to “stick”

Don’t be afraid of him going. The most attractive woman in the world is one who’s not holding on, acting like glue. The prize here is YOU – not him!

Remember – if you’re flypaper, you’re stuck to a man, too! That means you’re stuck with the ones who aren’t filling up your needs and your heart!

And, in case you want to hang onto your flypaper and put it in a drawer and take it out for “special occasions” and “special men” – ask yourself this:

Why Would You Ever Even Need Flypaper?

When a “good” man finds you – a man who’s determined to make it his life’s mission to make you ecstatically happy – you don’t NEED flypaper! He stays and sticks because he WANTS to. Because he wants YOU.

Try this in your imagination, and see how it works magically in the real world, with a real man – no matter HOW you’re feeling right now: Change your flypaper to lovely, sweet, feeling-filled you – the way you know you are deep inside yourself when you’re happy and don’t want or need anything – and change your life.

Do it one minute at a time. One tiny second, in fact, at a time. Practice it everywhere, and see how much calmer, sexier, simpler, and more relaxed you feel.

To get even more Tools like this one, and watch me guiding you through them to be a real, true INVITATION to a man – so he ALWAYS wants to “stick” to you like glue without you doing anything to make it happen – check out my Modern Siren program right here:

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 10:26pm
279: Smile says:

Oo this part feels scary. Like I want shout WARNING to sirens using roris tools. Here’s the small print!

‘If you’re not watching what he does, you can accidentally use my Rori Raye Tools to keep a fling going for such a long time that you may get lulled into thinking it’s going to be forever. (Yes – the Tools are THAT powerful.)’

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 10:33pm
280: Tam says:

278..oh Smile, I don’t want to fall into that trap…that resonates with me, yikes

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 11:06pm
281: Tam says:

This feels yucky:

‘Rori says men will hold onto women they love but are not in love with just to have the company and whatever else they can get.’

I doesn’t feel good to wonder whether a man is holding onto me while he is waiting for his ‘dream woman’, just because I am good company. Might be what I am finding myself in right now

Thursday, 20 September 2012 @ 11:45pm
282: Annie says:

I feel so upset, my heart hurt.
Oh the parody, unbelievable yet predictable.

Oh actions speak so much louder than words.
Don’t they just!

Just found out the Father of my children who ‘claims’ to want to still be married and be the man I want, fall back in love with me blah blah blah.
Wants what I want re healthy intimate loving relationships with children and is wanting to prove that he can get better at it is considering working abroad for a while and doing contract work. And chatted ages to a recruitment woman last night.

Now if I hadn’t leaned forward and asked I would have been none the wiser. I lean’t forward and asked. My gut told me something was off.
All the excused under the sun when I pulled him up about lack of communication again. One of the main reasons for me wanting the divorce.
I feel upset but at least I now know. I would rather know. I hate things being sprung on me. It feels awful.

So what do those actions say to me. Well they say the complete opposite to his words. ” I want to stay married build relationships with you and my children I want to get better at this.
Righteo, so how on earth will the action of being in a different country and not even being here help build better communication and intimacy with people.

So no going to see anyone and learning how to communicate better then nope move further away and not even be in the same country.

Now I feel angry, want to distance myself even more, feel totally totally repelled, sickened. YUCK!!!! I do not want a man like that. I do not want a man like that anywhere near my children WE DESERVE BETTER THAN THIS.

I feel so angry I want to cry. Oh God I have wasted my life on this!!!!!!!!!!

I really could do with some help on how to communicate this in a better way. Honestly this is how I would say it to him if he were in the room right now. I would be really harsh like this if not worse. I want to really physically hurt him. I don’t get how any man could just not try harder to have a real loving relationship with his children.

I DON’T GET IT!!!!!!!!

Well I suppose I do if that’s what you had with your own Dad, it’s what you learnt.

I suppose what I really don’t get is don’t they want to break that and have a better relationship with their own child so the same fuuuuuuuuuuing pattern is not repeated for the next generation and his children don’t do the same.

It feels crap that I have no control over this.

I really want to say all of this to him.
grrrrr. sigh!

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 1:33am
283: Daria says:

Miss Bells – ah . Seeing the tweaks here.

If he yells at you ‘Bells, my printer won’t work’ and you answer to that, that would kill the attraction for sure, putting you in the man position.

Do you Need. N. E. E. D. That money? If no then I would no longer help, because it’s what’s killing the attraction.

If Yes, then I’d really invest in ways to change that financial need. And I still wouldn’t answer to that call. Just lean back until he comes to address you directly focused on your feelings not his.

If he comes and tells at you instead, use Feeling Messages and walk away tool.

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 1:55am
284: Heart says:

Annie – you’re upset because he talked to another woman?

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 2:44am
285: Memulo says:

Hmm SmartCD did not ask me out for last night like he always does. He texted to share a trouble, but I did not respond since there was no questions in his text.

I had other pretty wonderful plans yesterday, but he didn’t know about it. I wonder what is going on. It feels sometimes that he likes to have time for himself while keeping me as well. I don’t know how to explain it and not even 100% sure it’s true. It’s like keeping me, giving me enough to have me hooked, but going out on his own whether just with male friends or not only on the side. Other than being less available I am not sure what to do. We had such a good time together for rosh hashana and then he just stopped contact for 3 days. Feels weird.

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 2:50am
286: Memulo says:

I feel like that boring ‘wife’ that a guy wants to keep, but also have some fun on the side. Except I am not a ‘wife’ and who knows what I am exactly:)

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 2:55am
287: Memulo says:

Annie, maybe he was just curious? If he talked to someone about options to work abroad it doesn’t automatically mean he is acting on it to hurt you or your relationship. Maybe he just talked, maybe he wants you to come with him, etc.?

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 2:59am
288: Annie says:

No heart. I feel confused I am not upset that he spoke to another woman.

I feel upset because his actions do not match his words.
Re saying he wants to become a better Husband and Dad and be emotionally available for his children and have a happy healthy loving relationship with them.
And then taking and considering, planning on taking an action that would lead to more emotional distance and even physical distance.

That is why I am upset, the woman is irrelevant, could have been a man. That part is of no relevance. The relevant part is her job re looking for people to work abroad and him considering that.

That is hardly the action of a man who claims to want to be there and work on building a healthier more intimate a relationship with his child.
That action is the complete opposite.

What do you think?

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 3:06am
289: Annie says:

No Memulo lol. He does not want us to go with him.

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 3:07am
290: Memulo says:

oops, I just checked, he is on a dating site. Feels disgusting. Just how do I confront him about it??

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 3:12am
291: Daria says:

this is what Rori teaches , but in diff words

“BodyMind Energetic Processes
I. What is it like working through an activated complex of forces?
These forces magnetize the ego into the vortex of their distortion. The
behaviors that had been driven by the presence of the complex lose their
fuel. You can’t go about business as usual. The harder you use ‘doing’/effort
to resume normal activity the more negatively you are impacted. Your ego
gets increasingly agitated and bullheaded. This ‘resistance’ generates a lot of
tension in the body and or psyche. One experiences fatigue, muscle tension
and/or frustration. Finally, ‘being’ in the energy distortion sets it free. You
may feel dunked by the process.
II. How to do this with skill and understanding.
1. Learn about the nature of the phenomena. Study your stress reactions
and develop the insight that they are cues to stored energy complexes.
2. BECOME SKILLED AT NOTICING WHEN YOU GO INTO
RESISTANCE TO A SITUATION OR PERSON. (Our enculturation
teaches us we are defective to have reactions to things. It esteems us
for solid, stable toughness and durability versus attuning to what’s real
for us and setting free the insights of our sensitivities.)
3. Become skilled at locating and connecting with your core energy
centers.
4. Learn basic Qi Gong and Raja Yoga techniques to discharge the
stored emotional energy and then study and disassemble the
introjected ideas driving the emotions.”

http://drukindred.com/QiGong.pdf

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 3:13am
292: Annie says:

And prove to me that he is capable of the type of co parenting I want with me.

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 3:14am
293: Heart says:

#287-Annie – well I can feel your disappointment and it’s warrented. At the end of the day though, he just talked to the woman…I don’t know the circumstances. Maybe an FM?

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 3:18am
294: Annie says:

If He’s Going From Passionate To Friendly

Thank you for your brilliant comments and stories and testimonials, and I realize the only way I can answer you in a meaningful way is here in actual posts (please forgive me in advance for replying to some, and not all of your comments – it would be overwhelming for me to even try, so I try to pick the ones from new members of our community, and urgent or frightening issues – and I want to bless you all from my heart for the brilliant help you’re giving each other. If I take issue with anything you say, I’ll reply for sure – but so far – you’re all right on!) – So, here’s my take on this scenario a lot of you seem to be struggling with :

He wants to be a friend, but when you see him and have sex with him it’s amazing, and so you can’t understand why he’s merely “friendly” when he leaves.

Here’s the answer: Men are different from women.

He can have a knock-out, deeply emotional sexual experience with you – sex that “blows-his-mind,” in a way you can FEEL. A way that feels just like the deep emotional experience YOU’RE having. But it’s NOT the same as what you’re feeling.

When we have an orgasm with a man – all kinds of things open up. The hormone oxytocin floods us, and binds us to the man in a scientifically physical and emotional way. Even if he’s a man we weren’t initially attracted to – having a great emotional and physical orgasm with him will bring us into the “falling in love” range.

A man doesn’t work that way. His hormones work completely differently. His GUT tells him who to love and who not to love, and love, for him, does not GROW from not-love. Love does not grow from friendship for a man. And love does not grow from mind-blowing sex. Sex only ADDS TO what he already feels – it CAN’T get those feelings STARTED.

And once his “infatuation” or whatever he felt for you at first turns to “friendship” – that’s pretty much it.

However – a man who’s “in love” in the first place does NOT turn his feelings into “friendship.” If he says he wants to be “friends” – then that’s very possibly the way he ALWAYS felt.

You can save yourself so much pain by NOT ASSUMING ANYTHING. Just because it looks like love to you, and feels like love to you – it doesn’t mean it’s love to HIM.

So what’s the only way to know what he’s really and truly feeling?

Over time, he will insist on a commitment from you. That’s pretty much it.

That means – you NEVER stop dating other men until that commitment is coming at you. And I don’t mean the “girlfriend” commitment – because that’s NOTHING (unless you’re young and still in school). I mean the MARRYING commitment. I mean what HE thinks of as FOREVER.

And if, over time, that commitment is not automatically coming at you, then you have to TALK TO HIM.

The absolutely MOST APPEALING thing a woman can do is SPEAK. And what I mean by that is that you are able to say out loud, in clear words, in a very straight-forward and simple way – exactly what it is you’re feeling, exactly what it is you want, exactly what it is you want him to do in bed, exactly what it is you DON’T want.

If you can “Speak In The Moment” – so that there are few misunderstandings, so he doesn’t have to guess what’s going on with you (because that’s nearly impossible for ANY man – they just don’t work that way), so he can feel relaxed around you and not wonder why you’re tense or cold or what you’re really feeling…you will build an UNBREAKABLE BOND with a man who ALREADY LOVES you!

The possibility of “Forever Love” has to be there for him (and it’s not something you can understand or figure out) before ANYTHING else can kick in.

He has to feel that deep down sense of ATTRACTION – and although you are in control of so much about attraction (any of you who have my Modern Siren program can talk about that, I know) – there are parts of attraction you can’t have any control of.

There are pheremones, and links to his mother and father, and the sound of your voice, and things about you that feel familiar to him and things that feel strange – it’s like a “stew” for him that he just feels in his GUT.

Without the “raw materials” of whatever it is that kicks in attraction for a man – there’s nothing you can do.

However – there’s a lot you CAN do AFTER THAT. All you need is the initial attraction, to know that it’s there for him in a scientific and gut level for him, and you can create more and more attraction until his “infatuation” or “initial attraction” turns into the real thing for him.

So – when you “Speak In The Moment” – when you Talk To Him. When you ask him where he’s at, listen to him, and then use that information to TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF – that creates MORE and DEEPER attraction.

What he says is what you get. Men don’t get all gooey and confused when they talk. For the most part, they tell the truth. They’re just not as good at NOT telling the truth as we are (unless he’s a deeply gifted Toxic Man with a smooth tongue).

So if he utters the words “I want to be your friend” – beware. Any energy you spend trying to turn that into passion will look needy, clingy, desperate – and like you aren’t HEARING HIM.

He will feel unheard and unsafe – and he will also automatically assume that YOU are telling the truth.

If you say “okay” to “sex buddy” status – he’ll let you.

He’ll figure you know what you’re doing.

He’ll figure you’re doing what you want.

He’ll let you take responsibility for you.

So don’t get mad at him. He’s telling you to TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF. And don’t be confused.

To a man: Friends can have sex. Friends can have PASSIONATE sex. Friends can hold hands and kiss. Friends can hang out every night of the week. Friends can do everything together that LOOKS like “relationship” to us. But it isn’t. It isn’t relationship.

Because one thing friends can’t have is ROMANCE. You can’t make it up, or will it into being.

And another thing friends can’t have is commitment and marriage. Because no self-respecting man would be interested in doing that – no matter how your “relationship” looks to you.

Thank him, and KEEP DATING.

OH GOSH, I feel so pissed off why aren’t mothers teaching this to their daughters.
.
Why are we now as a society teaching our girls that it’s fine to have sex and just protected yourself with contraception etc.

Sex education at school. Why are why are we not teaching our children about the emotional element.
And doing something to help prevent all this heartbreak and women getting bonded to bad men for them.

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 3:21am
295: Annie says:

Heart, this is the man who when he is not interested, puts the phone down and slams doors in peoples face.

He was happily on the phone chatting away for ages.
So believe me he was interested all right.
My instinct is not wrong.
It is what it is.

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 3:24am
296: Heart says:

Annie – does he have a job right now?

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 3:35am
297: Annie says:

Yes I feel in agreement and will have a feeling speach ready.

I feel angry at the mismatch of words and actions.
I do not want a man who’s words don’t match his actions.
I do not feel able to trust people who’s actions do not match their words.
At the end of the day I can only go by actions.

Actions speak louder than words.
If you want to know what people want stop listening and watch what they do.

mmm.
What has he done, had a lengthy conversation about working abroad and is considering that.

Fine righteo, He is entitled to do whatever he wants.
If he wants to work abroad and thinks that is the best option to build a loving healthy relationship with his son and the best way of proving to me that he is capable of co parenting, lol by not even being here, then that is what he thinks and what he is entitled to so. Bye then.
We are better off without that. And I will be choosing a better partner and parent for my child who proves to me by his actions that he wants the same as me and is capable of that.

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 3:36am
298: Annie says:

Yes heart he has a job.

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 3:36am
299: Memulo says:

I don’t know what to do about this dating site thing. Not say anything and get on it myself and CD. Or give him an ultimatum – but if he wants to be there how will my ultimatum exactly help? Plus he just lets me hang there for a few days, no contact, no asking out – what difference will it make to him if I just say that’s it?

8 months together and he is still on a dating site. Maybe it’s time to stop being a nice easy to fool girl. He obviously doesn’t value me that much.

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 3:39am
300: Heart says:

Annie – then kick his ass! Just kidding that was sooo Un-sireny…

I feel sassy.

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 3:40am
301: Memulo says:

Do I say hi to him on a dating site?

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 3:41am
302: Memulo says:

Annie, would you want to talk to him first? Your assumptions can be correct or not, but in any case perhaps it will be helpful for you to find out what his story is?

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 3:43am
303: Heart says:

Sirens – CudG ask me to name a day of the week to meet up…So I wrote him suggesting a day.

Then he wrote back say he recently made plans on that day and ask that I suggest another…

This is starting to feel so Icky.
This is Not the relationship I want….
I feel Unadored and Uncherished.

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 3:46am
304: Annie says:

lo heart. I would so love too.

I actually want to say just fuuuuuk off then.
We are so better of with out you bye!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Get lost!

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 3:52am
305: Annie says:

lol.

His story. I don’t think so.
blah blah blah.
Actions speak louder than words.
If you want to know what people want stop listening and watch what they do!.

Listening to peoples stories especially men and trusting their words and not trusting my gut has gotten me in trouble too many ties already.

Bovine excrement detector well and truly switched back on!

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 3:55am
306: Annie says:

Memulo ultimatums do not work. Reverse ones do with the right man for you though.

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 3:57am
307: Annie says:

Memulo, do you want to date a man who is still on a dating site after dating you for eight months?

If you don’t that is your reverse ultimatum.
You are entitled to do what ever you want, go on as many dating sites as you want.
But I no longer want to date a man who after eight months wants to date or is looking at dating other women.
Or words to that effect that are true to you.
He then will either say he will stop and pull you back in and give you what you want.
Or will carry on doing what he is doing, in which case he isn’t the right man for you and you’ve weeded him out.

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 4:04am
308: Heart says:

What should I say to CudG:

Why the hell do u keep showing up and Why are you so Half-assed. Leave me the eff alone! I Feel so embarassed when the check comes.

Hold me back Sirens! I want to tel him off.
But Meh it’s over.
I don’t want to meet this guy anymore

What should I say to him?

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 4:06am
309: Annie says:

I am getting ready to deliver my speach and reverse ultimatum and let go of the outcome.

If he wants to run away and become even more emotionally distant and physically distant and wants to not carry on not communicating that is his choice. He is entitled to do whatever he wants.
What I want for me and my children is a man who wants to be here physically and emotionally for both of us and be in a real loving healthy relationship.

So whatever!

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 4:09am
310: Annie says:

Hugs heart. X

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 4:10am
311: Annie says:

Can you write down your speech Heart the way you would normally and then re write in feelings and wants and don’t wants?

How would that look for you?

What do you think?

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 4:12am
312: Tam says:

Annie, thank you for 293!! Good reminder.

As for your man talking more to another person (woman), it’s because he feels safe as he doesn’t really know her and it’s much easier when you don’t really know someone etc etc.
Perhaps he doesn’t feel safe opening up and talking with you because he is scared of criticism etc.
I don’t know, just saying.

I have had similar things happen in my relationships, and I have seen MrP being really open with people who don’t know him well about certain things – and it used to annoy me. But I realise with marginal people or acquaintances, one can sometimes be more communicative because there is no judgment and nothing to lose etc

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 4:14am
313: Tam says:

Heart, then drop him and find someone who pays for your dates..

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 4:15am
314: Heart says:

I’m going to take a walk…and listen to my heart.

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 4:15am
315: Memulo says:

Annie, thank you, what is a reverse ultimatum? I am getting the answer somewhat from your advice – to go on dating sites, to tell him how I feel. is that a reverse ultimatum?

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 4:17am
316: Memulo says:

Heart, he should pay for dates, that is a given. Or better to phrase it, you should NOT pay for dates. If he says I don’t have money you say ask where the nearest money machine is. Then get up and leave.

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 4:20am
317: Memulo says:

Heart you may not need to say anything to his email. Leaving him hanging can be a solution

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 4:33am
318: Daria says:

“There are times when you must speak, not because you are going to change the other person, but because if you don’t speak, they have changed you.”—Mary Quinn

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 4:40am
319: Femininewoman says:

RE 314 Yeah but Memulo how many times have you come to this conclusion, then waffle and do nothing about it?

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 4:55am
320: Annie says:

Tam the woman( other person) was a recruitment officer offering him a job.

Not a friend, acquaintance family member etc.
Like a sales person.
If that makes sense.

That is what I mean by his actions not matching his words.

My eyes are now wide open and back on the ball.
Bovine excrement detector switched back on.
Actions speak louder than words.

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 4:55am
321: Femininewoman says:

I don’t think so Heart. People’s schedules don’t necessarily synchronize. That is life. How about next time just give him a few options on days and times? Maybe into the following week, there is no urgency.

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 4:57am
322: Femininewoman says:

RE 298 Memulo how many times have you come to this realisation? Maybe in his mind he is just dating. While in your mind you are in a relationship. I hardly think he is thinking about time that just because “we have been dating for x months it is time”. That is woman style thinking.

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 5:00am
323: Annie says:

Memulo.

Actions speak louder than words.
Men respond to actions.
What action are you willing to take?

Will you call it a day with him and take the action of walking away if he chooses to stay on dating sites and date other women after him dating you for eight months?

A

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 5:00am
324: Tam says:

Annie, that’s the point. He didn’t even know her, so that is the safest form of communication possible.
Think about it.
Someone you don’t know can’t hurt you.
Fear of intimacy. I am there. I can tell complete strangers my whole life story. I’ll never see them again.
When I try to tell my worries and fears to those closest to me, it’s so hard and takes a lot of energy.

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 5:02am
325: Annie says:

There is a thread of roris about you Cding but not him Memulo, will have a look.

FW do you know this thread? You are hot on threads?

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 5:03am
326: Annie says:

Tam he wasn’t doing that.
She phoned him to offer him a job.
Never mind. It feels pointless to explain.

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 5:05am
327: Annie says:

I can understand why you think what you do Tam and see what you are saying.

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 5:05am
328: Femininewoman says:

Annie I am pretty sure that Memulo has been here long enough to have seen that. I really don’t believe it will make any difference to her thinking and feeling. Sorry if I sound harsh but I have seen this over and over again.

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 5:06am
329: Femininewoman says:

Men assume you are doing what you want to do because that is what they do.

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 5:07am
330: Memulo says:

FW,

I was afraid to mention dating site because it looks like I am spying on him. But now he skipped ‘our’ date day and sent me a vague text about his problems. That’s the thing with him, I never know if his silence is because of his problems or because he is having fun with other women.

On the other hand I am afraid that the longer I allow this treatment the more convinced he is that it’s ok to just ‘date’ and not take me seriously. He didn’t think so when I mentioned the dating site 5-6 months ago. He got really worried about it back then. He had a very ‘legit’ reason to still be on there and was swearing that nothing is going on. I feel worried that with his friend in town it’s not true anymore.

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 5:08am
331: Memulo says:

I can just sent him a text that I saw him there and how it makes me feel

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 5:10am
332: Memulo says:

FW, I do remember an advice from you once not to mention dating site to him because it looks like I am spying;) In the past I took the action of no action in big part because I decided that guys do this sometimes and it doesn’t mean anything. But after 8 months it feels bad.

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 5:14am
333: Daria says:

OHHHHH thank you for posting that Annie… it feels so powerful to me

omywow i want to post it again its so awesome

“If He’s Going From Passionate To Friendly

Thank you for your brilliant comments and stories and testimonials, and I realize the only way I can answer you in a meaningful way is here in actual posts (please forgive me in advance for replying to some, and not all of your comments – it would be overwhelming for me to even try, so I try to pick the ones from new members of our community, and urgent or frightening issues – and I want to bless you all from my heart for the brilliant help you’re giving each other. If I take issue with anything you say, I’ll reply for sure – but so far – you’re all right on!) – So, here’s my take on this scenario a lot of you seem to be struggling with :

He wants to be a friend, but when you see him and have sex with him it’s amazing, and so you can’t understand why he’s merely “friendly” when he leaves.

Here’s the answer: Men are different from women.

He can have a knock-out, deeply emotional sexual experience with you – sex that “blows-his-mind,” in a way you can FEEL. A way that feels just like the deep emotional experience YOU’RE having. But it’s NOT the same as what you’re feeling.

When we have an orgasm with a man – all kinds of things open up. The hormone oxytocin floods us, and binds us to the man in a scientifically physical and emotional way. Even if he’s a man we weren’t initially attracted to – having a great emotional and physical orgasm with him will bring us into the “falling in love” range.

A man doesn’t work that way. His hormones work completely differently. His GUT tells him who to love and who not to love, and love, for him, does not GROW from not-love. Love does not grow from friendship for a man. And love does not grow from mind-blowing sex. Sex only ADDS TO what he already feels – it CAN’T get those feelings STARTED.

And once his “infatuation” or whatever he felt for you at first turns to “friendship” – that’s pretty much it.

However – a man who’s “in love” in the first place does NOT turn his feelings into “friendship.” If he says he wants to be “friends” – then that’s very possibly the way he ALWAYS felt.

You can save yourself so much pain by NOT ASSUMING ANYTHING. Just because it looks like love to you, and feels like love to you – it doesn’t mean it’s love to HIM.

So what’s the only way to know what he’s really and truly feeling?

Over time, he will insist on a commitment from you. That’s pretty much it.

That means – you NEVER stop dating other men until that commitment is coming at you. And I don’t mean the “girlfriend” commitment – because that’s NOTHING (unless you’re young and still in school). I mean the MARRYING commitment. I mean what HE thinks of as FOREVER.

And if, over time, that commitment is not automatically coming at you, then you have to TALK TO HIM.

The absolutely MOST APPEALING thing a woman can do is SPEAK. And what I mean by that is that you are able to say out loud, in clear words, in a very straight-forward and simple way – exactly what it is you’re feeling, exactly what it is you want, exactly what it is you want him to do in bed, exactly what it is you DON’T want.

If you can “Speak In The Moment” – so that there are few misunderstandings, so he doesn’t have to guess what’s going on with you (because that’s nearly impossible for ANY man – they just don’t work that way), so he can feel relaxed around you and not wonder why you’re tense or cold or what you’re really feeling…you will build an UNBREAKABLE BOND with a man who ALREADY LOVES you!

The possibility of “Forever Love” has to be there for him (and it’s not something you can understand or figure out) before ANYTHING else can kick in.

He has to feel that deep down sense of ATTRACTION – and although you are in control of so much about attraction (any of you who have my Modern Siren program can talk about that, I know) – there are parts of attraction you can’t have any control of.

There are pheremones, and links to his mother and father, and the sound of your voice, and things about you that feel familiar to him and things that feel strange – it’s like a “stew” for him that he just feels in his GUT.

Without the “raw materials” of whatever it is that kicks in attraction for a man – there’s nothing you can do.

However – there’s a lot you CAN do AFTER THAT. All you need is the initial attraction, to know that it’s there for him in a scientific and gut level for him, and you can create more and more attraction until his “infatuation” or “initial attraction” turns into the real thing for him.

So – when you “Speak In The Moment” – when you Talk To Him. When you ask him where he’s at, listen to him, and then use that information to TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF – that creates MORE and DEEPER attraction.

What he says is what you get. Men don’t get all gooey and confused when they talk. For the most part, they tell the truth. They’re just not as good at NOT telling the truth as we are (unless he’s a deeply gifted Toxic Man with a smooth tongue).

So if he utters the words “I want to be your friend” – beware. Any energy you spend trying to turn that into passion will look needy, clingy, desperate – and like you aren’t HEARING HIM.

He will feel unheard and unsafe – and he will also automatically assume that YOU are telling the truth.

If you say “okay” to “sex buddy” status – he’ll let you.

He’ll figure you know what you’re doing.

He’ll figure you’re doing what you want.

He’ll let you take responsibility for you.

So don’t get mad at him. He’s telling you to TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF. And don’t be confused.

To a man: Friends can have sex. Friends can have PASSIONATE sex. Friends can hold hands and kiss. Friends can hang out every night of the week. Friends can do everything together that LOOKS like “relationship” to us. But it isn’t. It isn’t relationship.

Because one thing friends can’t have is ROMANCE. You can’t make it up, or will it into being.

And another thing friends can’t have is commitment and marriage. Because no self-respecting man would be interested in doing that – no matter how your “relationship” looks to you.

Thank him, and KEEP DATING.”

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 5:17am
334: Femininewoman says:

Memulo honestly I feel resistant to believing that you wish to take any action on your own behalf. As Rori says if you take care of yourself there is no point/need to be angry. If you chose to cdate there would be no time to feel bad. He should be the one feeling bad for losing a good opportunity.

What’s the point of mentioning the dating site? Has he stated that he wanted you and only you? Has he offered you the commitment you want?

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 5:18am
335: Siren Angel says:

FW @249,

“The test was for a career shift, a promotion, significant increase. This was the second hurdle to cross. Really sad.”

In my experience, this can sometimes be a blessing. Last time I got a promotion, I also got a lot of jealousy and my work life became a lot more complicated. Although I was the top qualified by far, was bringing in all the big contracts, was mentoring teams, some coworkers started resenting me and talking behind my back and making stories. After one year in the new position and extremely successful at it, I was miserable.

I now work from home in the same industry for another company and I am so much happier.

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 5:21am
336: Heart says:

Hi Sirens – Back from my walk and feeling much better. Feeling good reading the stuff you all wrote.
I’m letting it all marinate.

I zoomed out and realized I miss being a Siren…I’m starting to get hung up and this has some of the elements of “an imaginary relationship”
I’m going to do the flypaper tool.

I choose Siren.

CudG is not so important…I’ll write him and suggest the following week because that’s the day I feel like seeing him.

Anyway…I need to recommit myself to Having the relationship I want….I was getting a bit lost in the forest…and I will get lost there repeatedly but it’s ok as long as I get —

you know as I write this I’m starting to remember his email….

And I’m feeling Angry ad Icky again…

I feel Not-good-enough
I feel Unspecial.

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 5:22am
337: Femininewoman says:

Daria honestly I saw that above and was going to cut and paste parts of it for Memulo but I heard in my head what’s the point.

shrugs

A man wants to continue dating.
A man wants to stay on a dating site.
A man wants to disappear.
A man wants to stand you up.
A man wants to keep you wondering.

Adds up in my mind to a man who cherishes his freedom more than he cherishes any woman.
Adds up in my mind to a man who wants to live his life the way he chooses,
Adds up in my mind to a man who does not feel any urgency to offer any commitment.
Adds up in my mind to a man who wants to keep his options open.

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 5:23am
338: CurvySiren10 says:

Memulo, I agree with FW. This has happened time and time again with you over the past 8 months. SmartCD is not in a position to be in relationship. He is married. He has a lot of healing to do and a lot of logistics to work through. His pattern of contact with you is clear. You have wonderful times together, then he pulls back for a while. Rinse. Repeat.

He is on dating sites because he is dating. He obviously enjoys your company and continues to date you, but the relationship part is non-existent for him…at least according to the actions you’ve shared here.

Unless YOU start dating and taking your focus off of him, this pattern will repeat again and again. I can’t recall hearing you talk about a single date with another man since you started seeing him. The only “ultimatum” you should be considering is not an ultimatum at all… it’s about taking care of yourself, getting out there and taking that hyper focus off of this man.

Just my opinion. I feel sad seeing how much you suffer and drive yourself crazy over this man. I have BEEN THERE and I am sharing my experience because I know it doesn’t work.

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 5:24am
339: Femininewoman says:

Siren Angel thanks. My hands have been opened so I could let it go. I have accepted what is.

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 5:25am
340: Tam says:

FW, that is a very good post. That’s exactly the conclusion I drew on my situation. Unless things change, I shall not be available to such a man anymore as a kind of fun gap filler. I am worth more than that.

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 5:26am
341: Femininewoman says:

“fun gap filler”

So brutally true and honest. I am feeling tearyeyed reading that remembering how I have been that “fun gap filler” girl in the past. I want to have fun for me when I so choose. Not to scratch some man’s itch.

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 5:28am
342: Daria says:

Annie – you sound angry… great! and also blameful. Not so great

I would really sink into my feelings on this

Actions speak louder than words and doesn’t seem he has ‘acted’ on anything yet.

I think you mentioned you found out about this on accident or lean forward? Or was he openly talking in front of you …

That may contribute to the intensity

I would lean back and STOP assuming, and yet feel and write scripts for my anger,

and REALLY REALLY TAKE THE BLAME AND TRANSLATE IT TO FEELINGS

this is how miracles happen, either connection is made or I free myself. I don’t free myself when I’m still in blame (unfortunately) . My energy is still stuck in there and creates mucho pain

Do it for you

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 5:28am
343: Siren Angel says:

Smile @277,

Thank you for posting the tool! This feels so right for me right now.

xx

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 5:29am
344: Femininewoman says:

“you found out about this on accident or lean forward”

Yeah we spy on phones “by accident”
Yeah we spy of FB “by accident”
Yeah we spy on dating sites “by accident”

Though it might really be by accident these patterns show a certain amount of focus on the man and not on living our lives. It shows a certain amount of chasing in our energies rather than a commitment to the tools that work.

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 5:32am
345: Daria says:

when i feel alone with lots of empty space around me, I will put imaginary plants around my mental and emotional self

right now feels good too

mmmm plants

feels protective yet open and restful yet breathable and expansive

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 5:33am
346: Annie says:

Memulo. “He had a very ‘legit’ reason to still be on there and was swearing that nothing is going on.”

How can I put this Horsecrap!..

If you don’t want to date a man who is dating other women if he is dating you then that’s what you don’t want. His reasons are of no relevance to what you want, they are of no importance to who you are and what you want.

I hear you FW.

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 5:34am
347: Femininewoman says:

Now I am thinking that I sound like EMK

blunt sharp harsh
but realistic

Though I know that most of us prefer to be coddled and hushed like babies because little girl inside hurts.

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 5:34am
348: Daria says:

I just ate some marrow and cartilage and i feel SOO moved to have this in my life!!!

mmmm

and it reminds me of Mamam

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 5:35am
349: Daria says:

((((FeminineWoman))))

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 5:35am
350: Daria says:

lots of gentle hugs and love to me bring lots of gentle hugs and love radiating out

says Fierce Intensity Tornado Woman

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 5:36am
351: Heart says:

#310 – Annie – I would try to write it all down but everything I think about saying has the You-hurt-me-and-I-want-to-put-you-down-and-make you feel bad Agenda behind it.

Like Everything.
I hate his guts so much…
I feel so lonely an hopeless.
Thanks Cudg for letting me know that I’m not a priority.
Thanks CudG for bailing when I let myself be vulnerable to you.
Thanks CudG for

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 5:37am
352: Femininewoman says:

I had a man recently tell me something and then told me in my face that he would lie and swear that he said no such thing if I repeated it and he heard it back. I just said “I know”.

I have had a guy tell me that even if his wife caught him on top of another woman he would swear he was doing nothing.

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 5:38am
353: Heart says:

being a jerk

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 5:38am
354: Femininewoman says:

Fierce Intensity Tornado Woman

lmfao hahahaha

Thanks for the laugh Daria

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 5:39am
355: Daria says:

FW – also by going to look for those things with that energy, i notice my energy ties into it and AMPLIFIES the emotions enormously. sometimes from pinhead to globe sized

finding things out about the man organically feels much different, and ‘freer’

my energy is all mine and i can find my intuition so easily

in fact often intuition will tell me and guide me so that there’s no need to worry and use lean forward energy to spy, something just ‘feels’ off and i can communicate and communicate and it heals or else comes out

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 5:39am
356: Daria says:

hehe thanks FW

i felt so awesome I remember you mentioned a tornado and i assumed it was in reference to me and my posting and i felt a touch angry that it didn’t feel supportive

but also so surprised instead of feeling triggered, I FELT POWERFUL AND AWESOME

YESSSS!!!!

so glad someone called me Tornado woman am so Owning my Yansa

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 5:41am
357: Femininewoman says:

I let myself be vulnerable

Heart – this is what is important. So you can learn how to do that with Mr. Right. As such CudG was not a jerk. He was a muse. He was someone bringing you a lesson about yourself. Bringing you a new awareness about yourself.

It is not easy to be vulnerable.

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 5:41am
358: Daria says:

Heart – thats awesome !!!

keep writing!!!!!

get it all out!!! yes!!!!

this is a way of riffing!!!

then later go back and translate every one to Feeling messages … oh yummmmm

this is a Powerful Rori tool

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 5:43am
359: Daria says:

give yourself lots of love and gentleness while doing it too

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 5:44am
360: Femininewoman says:

Daria I wonder if you could create a tool around being the tornado woman. I am feeling powerful energy spiralling in and out of me right now. Lifting everything in its wake at times while at times gently setting some down. At times bringing dark ominous energy that turns into bright sunshine and glittering rays. Yeah it feels powerful to visualize. It feels great to know I have so much power to pull in and unsettle what’s around and then to calm it all down. Having rearranged my field

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 5:48am
361: LiliBee says:

FW,

I’m wondering about this ‘leap of faith’ position of Gay Hendricks.

I wonder if I should just face my vulnerability, stop running away from it by walking out all the time…and just move in already.
Backleading “If you were to ask me to move in, I would say Yes.”

I very much enjoy being with him in his home and I feel so good in his presence when we’re there together today everyday stuff, I’ve been feeling that way since nlady has been out of the picture.

I don’t know if he’s pulling back bc he’s tired of me ‘playing’ with him by pulling the on-off switch constantly, keeping himself super busy to stay away from me to protect himself and be sure of what I want…or if he’s given up and has got someone else.
I don’t even want to ask.

I wonder how hard do I have to get my 8ss kicked before I can get ‘real’ and finally quit playing the game of covering my insecurities with controlling.

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 5:48am
362: Daria says:

“”The results of Narvaez’ three studies as well as those from researchers around the world will be presented at a conference at Notre Dame in October titled “Human Nature and Early Experience: Addressing the Environment of Evolutionary Adaptedness.”

“The way we raise our children today in this country is increasingly depriving them of the practices that lead to well being and a moral sense,” she says.

Narvaez identifies six characteristics of child rearing that were common to our distant ancestors:

• Lots of positive touch – as in no spanking – but nearly constant carrying, cuddling and holding;

• Prompt response to baby’s fusses and cries. You can’t “spoil” a baby. This means meeting a child’s needs before they get upset and the brain is flooded with toxic chemicals. “Warm, responsive caregiving like this keeps the infant’s brain calm in the years it is forming its personality and response to the world,” Narvaez says.

• Breastfeeding, ideally 2 to 5 years. A child’s immune system isn’t fully formed until age 6 and breast milk provides its building blocks.

• Multiple adult caregivers – people beyond mom and dad who also love the child.

• Free play with multi-age playmates. Studies show that kids who don’t play enough are more likely to have ADHD and other mental health issues.

• Natural childbirth, which provides mothers with the hormone boosts that give the energy to care for a newborn.

The U.S. has been on a downward trajectory on all of these care characteristics, according to Narvaez. Instead of being held, infants spend much more time in carriers, car seats and strollers than they did in the past. Only about 15 percent of mothers are breastfeeding at all by 12 months, extended families are broken up, and free play allowed by parents has decreased dramatically since 1970.

“Ill advised practices and beliefs have become commonplace, such as the use of infant formula, the isolation of infants in their own rooms, or the belief that responding too quickly to a fussing baby will ‘spoil’ it,” Narvaez says.”

http://phys.org/news204201579.html

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 5:49am
363: Daria says:

Lilibee – how about CDing instead!

instead of backleading inside to a commitment that hasn’t been offered, with a man that is currently withdrawing and not in front of you and so ‘doesn’t exist’ (even though you’ve dated for a long time), and who has shown that he can easily get into other women while dating

ouch

but less real life pain for later I hope

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 5:52am
364: Daria says:

Feminine – there is a earth energy Goddess called Oya or Iansa that embodies this

mmm I made a Goddess seminar that included her, but I did not use this Tornado tool

I feel opened and intrigued reading your words of what it feels like

it does feel so powerful

lots of love to me

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 5:54am
365: Daria says:

“Choose the truths which serve your heart.”

Dominique

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 5:55am
366: Daria says:

Lilibee – I’m sorry for the harshness… ah i feel sad … I want to choose gentle words to say the same thing…

mmm

i feel sad watching you beat yourself up about hiding and controlling and such

I really would feel so happy to watch you open up to the world and let in other men, and grow grow grow

and yes, maybe then this man will undergo the transformation to step up hugely, so none of that ‘backleading’ is necessary… or even ‘going’ to his place and leaving

it will all just come to you

sigh

I feel uncomfortable for the harshness as I would like to encourage gentleness for ourselves and I don’t want to not create that

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 5:58am
367: Siren Angel says:

Sirens, I feel curious to know what you think…

I had told M I was going to ‘date’ last week, and although he didn’t like it, he didn’t say ‘don’t do it’. However, last weekend I mentioned I was going out one night this week, it was in a conversation and very light, and it was not mentioned about dating or anything.
Then, the night before last, I was at M’s again (we have been together almost every night since we got back ‘together’) and I was really nicely dressed and I had new red suede shoes. He said he would have liked to take me out (but it was already pretty late and supper was done). Then yesterday morning, he was a little nervous, asking me if I was going to wear the same shoes that day Then asking me if after my client meetings that day I could give him a lift back to our suburb (which he never does) but I was bringing a coworker to and from the meetings. Then I realized he knows Thursday is the night he gets his kids back but I only get my kiddie back Friday night, so he must have thought that is when I was planning to go out… but I wasn’t! I could sense he was nervous about it.

Last night, I was feeling all cozy at home, and he texts much earlier than usual, while he has his kids still up ‘hey, are you alone?’ And I just replied ‘yes’. Then about 10-15 mins later he texts ‘How was your meeting day?’ (I had a lot of client meetings booked that day) But this is very unusual of him to text to ask me that and so early in the evening as he usually texts or calls around bedtime, and it felt like a total excuse because he had texted before to see if I was alone. I waited a few minutes and answered in an FM ‘that I felt so disappointed one of the meetings got cancelled, but that I feel really relaxed and smooth now’. The he texts ‘good night sweet dreams’ much later on… ???

I felt like he needed reassurance that I was alone or was panicking around 8pm, the time I would probably have been out if I had gone out, to see if I was out with someone else… What do you think?

I didn’t answer his last text until this morning as it was late last night and didn’t really need a reply but as he doesn’t like when I don’t answer, I just replied this morning ‘I was in that beautiful vapor half-state before sleeps takes me away when you texted’ and he replied ‘oh good’ right away this morning.

What do you think? Is he worried or I am reading too much into this?

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 5:58am
368: Siren Angel says:

Lilibee,

You and I need to go out and find some really good men!!!

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 6:01am
369: Siren Angel says:

Lilibee,

D sounds a lot like M and BW’s TH! They are rubberband-men… The more worry you put into this, the more they pull away, the more you shift your vibe, the more they come closer.

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 6:03am
370: Femininewoman says:

LiliBee I believe context is important. He might be uncertain because of your withdrawals but backleading like that does not feel comfortable to me. I am thinking in terms of Rori suggesting when he shows up with the conversation. I would suggest scripting it out until you can really feel your emotions around moving. The shakiness, the doubts and uncertainty. The possible embarassment if it does not work out and you having to explain to others. The possibility of being treated second class to his job, to his son. The possibility of cdating until he truly shows up for you.

The leap of faith thing yes. But that happens when he offers, when he brings up something and you are at a “choicepoint” in the relationship. Until he brings it up I am not sure I would. Unless it is weighing in your heart so that you can’t focus on anything else like enjoying yourself when you are with him. I would say particularly when you feel like you want to meltdown into crying. Then share how afraid you feel of bringing it up and how shaky you feel. The moving in though would have to be because that is what you want to do. You can’t be doing it just because you want to appease him in some way or to coddle his feelings, is what I think.

I would encourage you though to imagine the situation and really script it out.

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 6:05am
371: Scarlet says:

I finally said I won’t do the dance of tolerating bad behaviour, e.g. hearing and believing promises and being stood up. He took four days to contact to say he realises I deserve so much more than he can give. I immediately felt rejected, disempowered and sad because it was him rejecting me. Even though I couldn’t do it anymore, it hurt like crazy when he admitted he couldn’t love me the way I love him.
But now that it is all over, I didn’t have anything to lose by telling him that his behaviour towards me had been appalling – something I always felt too scared to point out. In saying that I had not been treated with love and respect, I all of a sudden felt more empowered and it’s as if the little girl inside of me who has been running my life for a long time now, suddenly felt safe and has calmed down. All this has shifted my vibe to a woman who is not prepared to be quiet and tolerate only getting crumbs anymore. He is begging me to be his friend and I knew that being only friends would further wound my little girl inside, so I again protected her by saying NO, I cannot be your friend. It still hurts so much, but I feel like he has all of a sudden become smaller and my life is a little bigger with hope for my future. I feel a tiny bit excited about something coming to me in my future, now that I have cleared the decks. I feel weird because of these two conflicting emotions – sadness and excitement. I think my vibe is shifting.

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 6:05am
372: Siren Angel says:

Lilibee,

You want the moving in to be all his idea. (((LiliBee)))

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 6:09am
373: Calypso says:

Sirens – Happy Friday!

JC texted yesterday asking if we were still going out. I was in a good mood after having a couple of days to myself, so I replied, “Absolutely! It will feel so good to see you!”

He suggested that I go to his house (he offered to pick me up, but I declined because I want my own car there) and he will grill steaks and make margaritas. I said, “Yummy”

Then, he asked if I would be able to stay all night (remember he pouted like a little boy the last time I saw him because I had to go home) so, I texted back, “I guess I should tell you, this is “that time” of the month for me.”

He said, “Oh . . . Well. That’s ok”

I wanted to say, “I’ll be sure to let Mother Nature know you are ok with it”, but I didn’t . . .

I’m interested to see how he is going to handle this evening. Is he one of those guys who isn’t interested in being with his girl if she is not interested in getting naked? Will he push me to do something else to satisfy him? I’m going into the evening feeling suspicious of him and of this relationship. :/

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 6:10am
374: Femininewoman says:

I don’t personally like the “moving” in thing as it makes boundaries so more difficult to stick by. Also in a man’s place I believe we lose so much of our power. However, I believe also it is dependent on what you want and how you experience yourself.

I believe D is a good man. LiliBee you are healing and he seems to have the capacity to heal along with you. You maybe just need some new ways of being that could inspire both of you into the next level if relationship.

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 6:10am
375: Femininewoman says:

Woohoo Scarlet. You sound so powerful and inspiring

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 6:12am
376: Annie says:

351: Femininewoman says:

“I had a man recently tell me something and then told me in my face that he would lie and swear that he said no such thing if I repeated it and he heard it back. I just said “I know”.

I have had a guy tell me that even if his wife caught him on top of another woman he would swear he was doing nothing.”

OMG the song by shaggy comes to mind it wasn’t me.

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 6:15am
377: LiliBee says:

365:

Thank You Daria,

Your comments to feel gentle.

You are right, I believe I am beating myself up for not having been real and gameplaying.

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 6:16am
378: Femininewoman says:

Calypso to be honest your response sounded a bit icky. It seemed you assumed he was inviting you over for sex and you told him what your assumption was. As if suggesting he is only interested in you for sex. Maybe he didn’t feel that way but he might have felt slapped across the face. He invited you to spend the night, if you were not comfortable with that you could have said so. If you wanted to stay for cuddles and the intimacy of just being held, that could have been said. Is my humble opinion.

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 6:16am
379: Femininewoman says:

LiliBee try something Bob Grant suggests. Go over to him, when you get the opportunity, say nothing just rest your head on his shoulder or chest. And stand there silently for a while and just sink into your feelings. See what comes up or what you want to share as you open your heart.

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 6:19am
380: CurvySiren10 says:

375 Annie~ I instantly thought of that Shaggy song too! lol

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 6:20am
381: Calypso says:

FW – Yes – I am reacting that way because of how he acted the last time I was at his house – so bone tired from the stress and lack of sleep associated with sending my son off to boot camp that i could not stay awake and he would not stop pawing at me and acted like a child who did not get his way when I had to go home.

I’m going to have my hair done and my toes painted before I go ever there tonight – hopefully I can relax and be soft and give him a chance to be a good guy and care for me – with my clothes on – I’m just suspicious of it because of how things went before. Something still does not feel right and I don’t kow if it is him or my inner girls desire to run away from someone who is trying to pull me closer.

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 6:23am
382: Heart says:

#357 – Daria – wow thanks for the advice!

FW – thank you. What a soothing way of looking at it.

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 6:25am
383: Memulo says:

I’m not sure what do about him. With me I know I need to renew my profile. But do I confront him before he contacts me? Did I let it slip big time and it’s already too late?

I’m not used to lying men because my family is very loyal and we tell truth. He tells me over and over again that he is very honest

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 6:25am
384: Femininewoman says:

Calypso I would check in with myself to see if I have weak boundaries. I would also visualize myself as strong with roots like a tree from my back solidly grounded into the earth.

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 6:27am
385: Scarlet says:

Oh Femininewoman, I don’t know about powerful, but I am feeling stronger. It’s been such a sudden turn around, but I guess it’s the fruit of listening to Rori’s CD’s over and over and over again. After feeling like a little girl cowering in the corner yesterday after hearing his rejection, today I got up and thought I can feel sad but I’ll be damned if I am going to let that sadness and his actions ruin my dreams for my future. My habit has been to fall into deep depression and feel like this little girl who has never been validated. But today I guess Rori’s CD’s finally resonated with me and I changed my vibe and it felt like I was finally climbing up the ladder. It’s all through choice too. I am choosing different thoughts about my future instead of wallowing in the thoughts that there is no hope for me. Thank you Rori. I just hope this new vibe stays with me.

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 6:27am
386: Siren Angel says:

Memulo,

I would not text about something like seeing his profile up. Can you try to script something about where he sees your relationship down the road?

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 6:29am
387: Femininewoman says:

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Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 6:30am
388: LiliBee says:

373:

Thank You FW,

That feels soothing to read as it comes accross with compassion for the man.
It is my intention to stop beating him up and have compassion.
He wants the same kind of relationship I do with living together.

I keep manipulating and controlling to have him reassure me.
I have been on the receiving end of that behaviour with someone else before.
He had pulled away, and I drifted away never to come back.

I know what it feels like.
So what will it take for me to stop?

I feel scared I pushed him away for good.

Allthough I know that every time I’ve lost a man, the next 1 to come along was better than the last…I still feel so soooo sad

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 6:31am
389: Siren Angel says:

I intend to be married to a wonderful man who adores and cherishes me. I deserve that. It is my birthright.

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 6:34am
390: Femininewoman says:

LiliBee I have gotten to a place in my life where I just choose to settle inside myself about what I believe. This is regardless of what happens on the outside. I go back and decide this is what I choose to believe. It might take me some to catch myself but I go back. I decided to be this way at the beginning of the year. And even though at times I feel fear, doubting or dismay I choose to go back to believing in myself and that I will have what I want regardless. I choose me and I keep going back there, internally.

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 6:36am
391: LiliBee says:

367:

Yeah SA, we need to go out

At least meetup like we planned. It would feel great to to meet in person.

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 6:38am
392: Femininewoman says:

Shaggy said it but I can’t even say it is a Jamaican man thing as a US President lived it out to the rest of the world.

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 6:38am
393: Femininewoman says:

“ I often try to tell kids to think about all the people who love you, don’t cry over the one person who doesn’t. ”

― Bill Cosby

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 6:39am
394: RiverGirl says:

Having a little facebook trigger moment. Eeek! I feel a flush of self-consciousness. I feel anxious when sirens using their secret siren profiles comment/like things I post on my general wall. I am using my real profile so I feel vulnerable. I logged in with a second profile (just have it for testing stuff) and can see links to all kinds of sireny stuff.
My friend list is hidden so the only clue others get that I have siren friends with bizare names is when someone comments/likes/posts on my wall. I am totally cool with those of you using your real profiles/names doing so and I don’t want to unfriend anyone as I love getting to know you all. Eeek I’m scared guys I like will think I’m a bit loopy! I’m NOT loopy!! lol
Hmmm I’m rambling….still trying to work out what this trigger is about. Maybe it’s time for me stop trying to hide this side of myself…I’m confused though because part of the power of this stuff is the mystery. Men don’t need to know our process.

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 6:42am
395: Siren Angel says:

Lilibee,

Yes, I look forward to it. Sent you a message on FB. It could really help our vibe!

And we are around the same age too, in similar situations, it would be great to meet up!

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 6:45am
396: Siren Angel says:

RiverGirl,

I feel triggered and scared too about being FB friends with Sirens who do not use their real FB profile and name for Siren Island… It is weird enough that all of a sudden I have all these new women friends all over the world… But I don’t think men actually go snooping into our ‘friend’s list’ unless maybe to see what other men we are friends with. I agree Sirens who use ‘fake’ FB profiles should not comment or post on our wall. They are protecting themselves but making us vulnerable. I do not blame anyone here btw.

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 6:49am
397: T-Girl says:

Hi Siren Angel, I wouldn’t assume anything about those texts. Assumptions can be wrong which may lead to a problem later.

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 6:50am
398: Siren Angel says:

Sirens, I would like your thoughts on @366…

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 6:50am
399: Siren Angel says:

T-Girl,

Thank you. However, he never texts when his kids are up unless to firm up a meeting plan later in the day and it did sound like a total excuse to see what I was doing. The 2nd text sounded like he had to come up with a reason to why he asked in the 1st text if I was alone… He’s never done that. Plus, his behavior about the shoes and the lift that morning was also very unusual…

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 6:52am
400: Siren Angel says:

T-Girl,

Anyway you are right, better to let it go. But was curious to see what Sirens here think. If my intuition is on target.

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 6:54am
401: Daria says:

Calypso – I would lean back by no longer taking myself over there and only accepting dating invitations where I am picked up.

That has made a HUGE difference in level of difficulty and self care for me

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 7:00am
402: RiverGirl says:

Thank SA, you are probably right about men more likely to be checking out our men friends. And I’m just looking at this from one side, a guy might actually find it appealing….thats a better feeling story.

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 7:03am
403: LiliBee says:

369:

Yeah FW,

I do create so much uncertainty for him by walking out all the time.

I have shared with him that I want to live with a man someday, and I want it to be in a strong loving relationship.
I also shared with him how I see my life in a house with a man and what it feels like.

He said he wanted that too.
It’s what neighbourlady and her husband have.
When we are outside, D keeps looking over at them being together in the yard, doing simple yardwork, hanging out in the pool.
He’s said a couple of times that he looks at them bc he admires what they have, and he wants that.
How they were together in that yard and what they were doing was exactly how I described what I wanted a homelife to be like with a man.

I’ve had the opportunity to live that again over the summer with D.
I would be laying on a long chair soaking up the sun reading the Christine Arylo book while he was in the garage doing stuff with his son.
He would lookover to me and I would feel warm loving vibes.
We did yardwork together 1 time.

Those times felt so wonderful.
For the 1st time since I’ve known him, I felt that it was my place and I belonged.

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 7:04am
404: Femininewoman says:

Siren Angel men do what they want. No one, not you, not anyone reading your recount can know what he is thinking, unless he tells them. That is just your brain taking you around in loops. If anything I would just take it as an indication that he was thinking about you, maybe missing you. Many men hate the phone and consider it a tool or convenience for business. He might have been missing your presence and just responded to how he was feeling. I would encourage you not to build any intrigue, conspiracy or espionage around it. It is what it is. His energy coming towards you.

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 7:05am
405: Iamabutterfly says:

I feel peaceful. I feel so much better than yesterday. I feel content.

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 7:08am
406: Iamabutterfly says:

I feel really confused by this statement. I feel shy and embarasssed to ask, but could someone explain this to me? This is the aspect of relationships that I’ve never understood:

“Over time, he will insist on a commitment from you. That’s pretty much it.

That means – you NEVER stop dating other men until that commitment is coming at you. And I don’t mean the “girlfriend” commitment – because that’s NOTHING (unless you’re young and still in school). I mean the MARRYING commitment. I mean what HE thinks of as FOREVER.

And if, over time, that commitment is not automatically coming at you, then you have to TALK TO HIM.

The absolutely MOST APPEALING thing a woman can do is SPEAK. And what I mean by that is that you are able to say out loud, in clear words, in a very straight-forward and simple way – exactly what it is you’re feeling, exactly what it is you want, exactly what it is you want him to do in bed, exactly what it is you DON’T want.

If you can “Speak In The Moment” – so that there are few misunderstandings, so he doesn’t have to guess what’s going on with you (because that’s nearly impossible for ANY man – they just don’t work that way), so he can feel relaxed around you and not wonder why you’re tense or cold or what you’re really feeling…you will build an UNBREAKABLE BOND with a man who ALREADY LOVES you!”

This makes me feel so unsure of myself. It feels contradictory. A man will insist on commitment from you? but…”And if, over time, that commitment is not automatically coming at you, then you have to TALK TO HIM.”

someone please explain.
I feel a little lost and scared.

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 7:10am
407: Siren Angel says:

FW,

I like that ‘his energy coming towards you’. Yes, it was that, no matter what he was thinking. Thank you.

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 7:12am
408: Iamabutterfly says:

I feel like I’ve gotten EVERYTHING from men except the insistence for commitment…

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 7:12am
409: Iamabutterfly says:

…but if it’s not coming I have to talk to him?

?????????

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 7:13am
410: Belle says:

372

Calypso
I felt a ping in my belly reading your text – it comes across as hostility, which is masking your vulnerability.

278
Smile
“‘If you’re not watching what he does, you can accidentally use my Rori Raye Tools to keep a fling going for such a long time that you may get lulled into thinking it’s going to be forever. (Yes – the Tools are THAT powerful.)”

To that I would add, “and deeply feeling what you feel”.
I gave the “I respect your need to stay free and yet this isn’t what I want” speech to C the day before yesterday (and oh wasn’t it perfect that I had just written it down and had it in front of me when he walked in to kiss me).
I WATCHED him take a step back. I WATCHED him look down at his hands. I WATCHED his inability to look me in the eye. I WATCHED him walk away, while I sat there, trembling, palms up.

I FELT deeply deeply deeply the intense sensations in my gut, my heart, and my throat. I FELT deeply the trembling in my hands. I FELT myself near tears, and FELT my body adapt and redistribute the amazing energy all throughout my body. I was all alone, a man had just walked away from me, and I felt AMAZING!!!! I felt invincible!

Initially I felt fear when saying what I had to say, and I think maybe it’s because I knew, deep down, that he was going to walk away and my fantasies and illusions were going to die and yet…it FELT so fricking powerful and amazing to speak my truth and let the wrong man for me fumble and walk away.

Feeling the feelings so very very deeply, and fully feeling the PAIN I have been attracted to, is shifting my vibe. My body knows what to do with it! I don’t have to be afraid to face the pain and I’m feeling less compulsion to cause myself more pain

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 7:13am
411: Iamabutterfly says:

@409 Belle – “I WATCHED him take a step back. I WATCHED him look down at his hands. I WATCHED his inability to look me in the eye. I WATCHED him walk away, while I sat there, trembling, palms up.

I FELT deeply deeply deeply the intense sensations in my gut, my heart, and my throat. I FELT deeply the trembling in my hands. I FELT myself near tears, and FELT my body adapt and redistribute the amazing energy all throughout my body. I was all alone, a man had just walked away from me, and I felt AMAZING!!!! I felt invincible!”

I feel so awe-stuck, moved, and excited by this. You are amazing, Belle!
I feel completely inspired and empowered and encouraged!

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 7:21am
412: MissStix says:

Oi oi I feel so ill in the morning still! Yuck. I feel a little fear of going to see my doc. I feel fear to find out I might have an ulcer or something. Oh sigh.

Hmmm onto a lighter topic! Yesterday, after doing a few little exercises to embrace my angry feelings, I moved onto some self love type exercises.

Most of my years up until about age 25 I hated my face. I hated my smile, my nose, my chin, my teeth. Everything but my eyes. Though I did not believe they brought much redemption to the rest of my face. Oh I have a memory of a guy I was seeing at age 17 and he said something to me. I swear to gawd he said “Don’t smile!” But I did not really hear him so I said “pardon me?” and he said “I said you have a nice smile.” but I never believed him. Because I already believed I had an ugly smile. Hideous in fact. Grotesque. Ouch ouch ouch little stix. You are what you believe….

Anywho…In more recent years I have been showing love to my face. But yesterday I realized it has not been enough. Because I still believed it was not really pretty but I chose to love it anyways. Ok so it was a good start! But I want more! I wanted to BELIEVE it is PRETTY and love my face BECAUSE it IS pretty. And my smile too!

So I sat there and thought about it…How to change this perspective and undo YEARS of belief? So I put my phone on video camera (I HATE being on camera!) and I recoreded myself! Eeeeek! I recorded myself doing all kinds of things….Facial stretches, natural smile and the smile I use in pictures and the smile I use in the mirror. I thought of funny things and laughed for real and fake laughed and pouted and made kisses and massaged my face and totally relaxed it. I changed the camera angles and recorded every angle of my face. I looked right into the camera and said out loud “look at you! You are beautiful!!! Get with it girlie and get over this thinking your face isn’t pretty! Because it is!”

Then I watched it! Eeeek!

Ok so I learned a few things.

My mirror smile and my picture smile look NOTHING at all like my natural smile. And guess what? My natural smile is a little crooked but it’s CUTE! WHAAAAT? I have never even seen this smile of mine because I don’t use it in the mirror and I don’t use it in pictures! The smile I use in the mirror is the one I use in pictures and it’s awkward, fake, and it makes one of my eyes open wider than the other which looks weird and wonky! Which has always made me turn my face to one side when I smile in pictures. No wonder I have hated my smile…Jeez. If I just relax my face and smile like i’m actually happy I really do look pretty! Woooooooo yeah! I feel amazing happy perky bubbly wanna jump up and down! I cried at these realizations!

I have spent a lot of time and effort trying to convince myself I can smile with my teeth in a picture (which I never did up until a few months ago). I started doing it and showed those pictures love, but I still believed I loved them in spite of how weird I look. I wanted to love my pics because of how pretty I look. All it took was a little video to show myself what I really look like.

I feel so happy!

I took a couple pictures, close up, no make up and I love them. Because I look pretty. And because I can see, in those pics, in my own eyes, that I finally believe it. I made one of them my profile pic.

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 7:28am
413: Belle says:

409
Maybe it’s best not to “conclude” he is the “wrong” man for me, and instead just leave it at, he walked away. That feels better, makes him less important and feels less dramatic

I did something FUN yesterday!
It was such a beautiful day and I had nothing to do at work so I decided to leave work early. I felt like I was riding warm fall breeze of love and anticipation out the door!
I got in my car and noticed that I just really really really FELT like driving. I love to drive, I love road trips, I love long drives to nowhere…so I surfed that gently rushing breeze on down the freeway, in the opposite direction of home.
After about 30 minutes, I thought, “it would feel so good and be so fun to just keep driving to the next state and go to a casino!” So I kept driving, feeling SO good to do something spontaneous and free and novel and that felt so very very right.
I entertained myself along with way with thoughts about how good it would feel to have certain things in my life taken care of, and the “I love!” game, which is noticing everything I love as I drive along, “I love green, I love sunlight, I love trees, I love the shadows of the leaves on the trees, I love sunlight on the trees, I love the feeling of cruising along, I love when other people just move out of my way, I love letting other people pass, it feels so good to see the sun reflected on the water..etc etc)

I arrived and had to pee SO bad I knew I wouldn’t make it inside and so grabbed a cup and did my thing in the back seat, which felt very teenagery and wild and again something like I never would normally do and I sort of groaned and laughed at my shenanigans. Classy!

I walked in with $60, listened to my guidance about which machine to play…sat down, sank a $20 and noticed my body’s reactions….
sank another $20…WOW that went quick! …Noticing my feelings, thoughts, reactions…(Playing the “it’s a dream” game with myself…how would I react if I knew this is a dream?)
Sank in my last $20…ding ding ding! I hit for $150. Within a few minutes, I played back down to $120, cashed out, and left.

I was feeling so wonderful and so weird at the same time. “I just got here, what is the door guy going to think? He’s going to think she’s crazy or something…It doesn’t make any sense to just stay for 15 minutes but oh my gosh it feels so right, so perfect, it really does!”
and as I left my positive feelings kept growing.
I drove home, a 2.5 hour drive…and just basked in how amazingly perfect I felt!
I covered my initial investment, plus gas money, PLUS I did something novel and spontaneous that felt super good, I got a nice long drive and boosted my self-esteem.
It was a total win!

My vibe is shifting fo sho fo sho!

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 7:32am
414: Femininewoman says:

Belle that felt fun to read

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 7:37am
415: MissStix says:

Ohhhhhh Belle!

Omg yummmmmm that sounds AMAZING and fun and free! hehe I have peed in a cup in the back seat on one of my adventures too :p

Oh how I love to just drive everywhere and nowhere! I did that a lot when I left ex hubby.

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 7:39am
416: Brandylion says:

Iama, #408:

I’m interpreting this as giving a No GF/No BF speech.

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 7:39am
417: Daria says:

Belle – yeah!!! wow feels powerful!

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 7:43am
418: Iamabutterfly says:

@415 Brandylion – I feel confused. He will ask for a commitment, but if it isn’t coming, you have to talk to him about it?

So, he will ask you if he really cares, but in some instances you have to talk to him about it?

I feel confused because if he cares enough, I feel like he will ask for a commitment.

but then I feel like he’s saying that if the commitment isn’t coming, you have to talk to him about it.

either he cares, and will ask for a commitment.
or he doesn’t care enough to ask for a commitment.

I feel confused because it feels like there’s another possibility.

Like he can really care about you and maybe even want a commitment, but won’t necessarily talk to you about it?

Do you see why I feel confused?

Like, the woman has to MOVE FIRST. OR SPEAK FIRST, or whatever.

I feel so confused!

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 7:47am
419: Sirenity says:

Memulo,

This feels cringey sick making to read.
I like you memulo, and i am sure Smart CD does too.

But why would you “confront’ him about being on a dating site? Why would he NOT be on a dating site? He is still married , stressed ,and looking to spice up his life like all the other separated men on dating sites!

He has every right and expectation to date around. That is why he is NOT offering you a committed journey forward. He doesnt want one right now and maybe never again! Who is to know?

The fact you give of yourself to him in love and yearning and passion and expectation of the joy of his wanting you is (sadly) totally irrelevant.He doesnt want what you want. He doesnt want THAT with you. Or else he would be in front of you talking love and rings and ever after, not hanging out for days at a time of silence.

Hoping he will grow into love and declaration of commitment is ignoring the facts before you.

The only hope i see of him ever wanting more with you is if you raise your degree of difficulty, become less available, stop over functioning, stop all expectations and join a DIFFERENT dating site . (And that is for your peace of mind, who cares if he knows what you are up to.) And you go on real dates with real men. No matter how much you think you only want him.

loyalty and commitment are values you must save for someone who shares those feelings for you.

POTENTIAL is zilch.

Presence, spoken intent and ACTIONS that follow are the three keys that must exist before you unlock your undying love for a man.

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 7:55am
420: Daria says:

“Be sure to taste your words before you spit them out” ~ unknown to Daria

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 8:04am
421: MissStix says:

Daria 332

I love this and subscribe to all this post says religiously…

But I feel deeply curious to know if this applies to the situation where: I have stated a desire to walk away from the relationship and he, in turn, says “I find it really hard to think of losing you! I want to always at least be friends with you!”

I wonder what other sirens think? Is this similar to him saying “I have always just thought of you as a friend?” does his desire to renain friends if I chose to leave mean that he really just thinks of me as a friend and not truely and deeply as a romantic love partner??

Sirens?

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 8:09am
422: Belle says:

409

“Initially I felt fear when saying what I had to say, and I think maybe it’s because I knew, deep down, that he was going to walk away and my fantasies and illusions were going to die and yet…it FELT so fricking powerful and amazing to speak my truth and let the wrong man for me fumble and walk away.”

You know, the more I think about it, the more I feel like…I not only knew he was going to walk away, but deep down I really really WANTED him to opt out.
By being fully honest, it was sort of like saying, “piss or get off the pot” but without being aggressive.
It was my way of demonstrating, “I will not play this game of lies anymore,” and put him on the spot.

He said, “Yeah…honesty…is best…” (says the guy with the wife and live-in gf and who knows who else)
and I knew and he knew that my vibe is shifting where there is less and less tolerance for the lies, so if he’s going to remain a lying liar, he really has no CHOICE but to walk away if he’s not willing to change his game. It is sort of pushing him away, I suppose, but it’s not out of fear of intimacy, it’s like my vibe is more and more coherent and more and more one of truth and it’s pushing out anything that doesn’t resonate with “truth”, which is the shift I think that happens when we start attracting high-quality men.

I noticed that since T and I talked the other night and I gave him a dose of FM truth, he hasn’t called me back and I probably won’t hear from him for a while which is sosososososo good…he did not like that I want to feel girly and cared for and his full attention is now on ‘trying’ to make a relationship work with his roomie who is playing the role I used to play with him, of being very wounded and feeling abused but then going back to the person who abused me for comfort and validation. I bless and bless and bless and love them both so very very much and

Oh

It’s time for my massage

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 8:12am
423: MissStix says:

To add to my post 420:

“a man who’s “in love” in the first place does NOT turn his feelings into “friendship.” If he says he wants to be “friends” – then that’s very possibly the way he ALWAYS felt.”

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 8:12am
424: Annie says:

Presence, spoken intent and ACTIONS that follow are the three keys that must exist before you unlock your undying love for a man.

I love this,! Absofukkkkkkkkkndloutely!

And same with their children.
If they are not even their how on earth can a real loving relatonship grow?

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 8:18am
425: Siren Angel says:

Iamabutterfly @417,

I too believe there is that ‘space’ where a man and you may want to commit, but a man will not because you give him what he would get with the commitment anyway. I believe a lot of us here are in that ‘space’ and trying to figure this one out. FMs can be used as the ‘talk’ about what you want. A good man may step up, or walk away with that talk, or stall as long as you let him.

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 8:20am
426: Siren Angel says:

MissStix,

I agree. When a man says ‘Friends’, there is very little possibility to turn that around.

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 8:21am
427: Siren Angel says:

Belle @412,

How freeing and inspiring! It’s like you let yourself out of the cage, and expanded your wings and out into the horizon to explore and have fun!

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 8:24am
428: MissStix says:

Hehe belle

Your post reminded me of my fight with G last weekend and I said:

“I just feel so stuck like my wheels are spinning and spinning and GAWD I think in my head ‘it’s time to either sh!t or get off the pot!”

I lol because I actually express myself very well during times of extreme frustration.

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 8:24am
429: Siren Angel says:

MissStix,

I want to add though, that if you are the one walking out, he may just be ‘accepting’ your position and taking ‘Friends’ over nothing. Depends on who said ‘Friends’ first.

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 8:25am
430: MissStix says:

Siren Angel

Mmhmm Yes. Agreed 100%. When they are saying to us that’s how they feel…Yes. For sure. However…What does it mean when it’s a direct response to US telling THEM we’re done and walking away? Rather than THEM telling US how they feel?

Ack I feel a little sqeezy confusion in my brow.

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 8:27am
431: Calypso says:

Daria – Part of me knows I should be making him pick me up and he has offered to do it, but then that makes me feel trapped at his house – I’m at his mercy when i want to leave – not only do i have to convince him to let me go, which is sometimes a battle, i have to also motivate him to take me home.

Wow – even as i write this I know how it sounds – lol. I have some serious issues . . .

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 8:32am
432: MissStix says:

428

Ok yeah…I see that. This is what I wonder because I was the one saying I was prepared to leave and go my own way if I felt I needed to and in response I heard:

“I find it really hard to think of losing you completely. I want to always at least have you as a friend.”

And I said:

“Well…It’s not my way to close doors on people. I could be your friend. I’ve done it all before I could do it again.”

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 8:32am
433: Siren Angel says:

MissStix,

He may just be respecting your ‘wish’ to ‘walk away’, and choose ‘Friends’ over ‘Never seeing you again and loosing you completely’. Was it an ultimatum type message you gave him? Men can feel anger and defensiveness and go all pouty too.

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 8:32am
434: bloom-ing says:

iamabutterfly,

i can imagine that some men might have no desire to Marry, etc. so “talk to him” might look like just sharing what you want & your feelings about family & Relationship…

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 8:33am
435: Annie says:

Fine righteo, He is entitled to do whatever he wants.
If he wants to work abroad and thinks that is the best option to build a loving healthy relationship with his son and the best way of proving to me that he is capable of co parenting, lol by not even being here, then that is what he thinks and what he is entitled to so. Bye then.
We are better off without that. And I will be choosing a better partner and parent for my child who proves to me by his actions that he wants the same as me and is capable of that.

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 8:34am
436: Siren Angel says:

MissStix,

The way I see it, it is always best to stay clear of the ‘friend’ talk and zone. You don’t want to be his friend. Because, if you accept that, that’s all you will ever be.

However, if you threaten to walk away and any other ‘or else’ type talk for that matter, I would urge you to look at that behavior (like I am doing myself and like LiliBee and BW are also looking at that more closely) and choose to say something from your vulnerability underneath the fear and the reaction of flight.

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 8:36am
437: Siren Angel says:

Annie,

Maybe he really wants to be a good partner and parent, but feels he can’t win with you… just a thought. Is it possible that he sees it differently, as in ‘when we get together on holidays and long weekends we will really enjoy and appreciate our time together’?

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 8:39am
438: Miss Bells says:

#422/425
HS was “in love” with me. But in the last couple he put me in the “friend zone”.
So that isn’t always true.
Rori says anger and other things can make a man withdraw sexually, but the may not want to lose the relationship.
It may be comfortable–they may be getting other things out of it.
HS has done this before. When I lean way back–he comes forward–and suddenly we are not “just friends” anymore.
It is a bit more complicated then it seems.
The word “friend” is used as a catch-all, and unless it is a plain and simple friendship is doesn’t really tell you anything.

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 8:39am
439: bloom-ing says:

daria, in my lynx dream the storm that showed the dead was a tornado : )

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 8:39am
440: Miss Bells says:

But–if there is no attraction at the beginning–then it is true–attraction is unlikely to develop out of nothing.

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 8:40am
441: Miss Bells says:

#282 Daria–I have cut loose most of the work part. There is a project–the book–that is near to my heart. It is nearly done…
But if I am at “his” (formerly our) house during the week and he is working on the computer he is likely to do the hollering thing. Thanks for reminding me how to handle it. Now that I have a car and my own place I could actually LEAVE if I must.

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 8:43am
442: MissStix says:

Siren Angel

Mmm ok yes! I see what you’re getting at!

This is an interesting perspective. At the time I did not see it as a threat so much as stating my true feelings. In that moment I really and truely was done. I felt a very deep need to remove myself. I even felt a little bit like he “convinced” me to stick around to see how it goes. It felt like finally opening my mouth and speaking my real truth rather than just running without words (my usual pattern). But that doesn’t mean it wasn’t a threat. hmmmmm….. something to chew on.

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 8:44am
443: Miss Bells says:

A reverse ultimatum means leaning WAAAYYY back and not saying a thing. If it works you should start getting the attention and commitment you want. If it works– the man will initiate the relationship talk.
Mimi Tanner talks about this. She calls her program Hard to Get–but it is not about playing games. It is about having high self-worth and high degree of difficulty.

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 8:46am
444: MissStix says:

His convincing me to stick around has brought me many angry and frustrated feelings this past week. I also have confusion and opposing feelings like my own brain wants me to leave because of uncertainty and this relationship really is right, and i’m being foolish to want to leave.

Hmmm and at the time he said his piece about not wanting to lose me completely I actually thought “oh gawd here we go again! Another man who thinks if he grasps onto me he might just get me back another day, another time.”
Like my ex just attempted a couple weeks ago.

I felt like…He thinks if he keeps me around in SOME way he can make me his again someday. And I actually thought in my head “Yeah well…You got another thing comin’!” Because When I made my ex my friend I stopped giving a sh!t what he did, right quick! And he tried to sleep with me…To no avail, and now he’s tried to treat me to a proper date…To no avail. Because what they don’t get is that once they become MY friend that’s all THEY’LL ever be.

Whewf. Little bit of a rant

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 8:53am
445: Miss Bells says:

#435
SA–that is a very good reason for men to rename you as “friend”. They think that is all they can get.
But–if it is anger and other toxic crap (on their part) that caused them to “friend zone” a woman after a lengthy relationship then it is a lot more difficult.
But–if the anger and toxicity is resolved than the romantic feelings often DO resurface.
That is at the heart of dozens of “Get Your Ex Back” programs. They all use a 30 day no contact period to clear out the anger and let the underlying love return to the surface.
For me–when I moved back in and got friend zoned nothing else changed. And I did pretend to accept it for about 6 months, which was a mistake. But we have years of history.
I can already see little changes since I have begun to move out. But this is not something that can be turned around “in-place”.
Getting out of the friend zone means a no-contact rule for awhile.
That is what the tools are all about. In time, he will either step up or fall off.

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 8:56am
446: Miss Bells says:

As for CDing–
I HATE online dating. I am taking myself off of it. It just doesn’t feel good to me.
But I am completely open to MeetUp, and to getting out there and joining things and attending things and volunteering for things.
I just like it organic that’s all. I must be an old hippie at heart.

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 8:59am
447: MissStix says:

Hmmm it feels powerful. Like I am the goddess and I have the control. No man can friend zone me because I do the friend zoning. And if there’s one thing i’m very good at it’s having man friends and keeping them as just a friend.

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 9:04am
448: Iamabutterfly says:

@424: Siren Angel and 433: bloom-ing – Thank you for your feedback.

I still feel sad and confused, though I feel much calmer than yesterday.

With probably at least three guys in my past, that I really cared about, and that it really hurt to lose, I had this distinct impression that they wanted me to say something more than I was saying.

Men have actually told me, “You’re so friendly and flirty anyway. You need to give guys a little more so that they KNOW that you are interested in THEM, so that they can feel secure.” and then they’ll say something about how I’m intimidating because of all my amazing qualities or whatever…

Granted, this was all before I was using Rori’s tools. But I still feel like I need to work on saying how I feel IN THE MOMENTS I’m with a man.

I feel curious.
I feel a little scared.
but I feel calm.
and I feel good.
leaning back.
opening my heart…

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 9:06am
449: Daria says:

Calypso -”Part of me knows I should be making him pick me up and he has offered to do it, but then that makes me feel trapped at his house – I’m at his mercy when i want to leave – not only do i have to convince him to let me go, which is sometimes a battle, i have to also motivate him to take me home.”

Awesome! I Make sure I’m dating others to get myself balanced and used to the new good treatment im requiring

and then, as I Do insist on getting picked up by all my dates, it will be THAT MUCH MORE CLEAR that this is NOT treatment that I’m willing to tolerate anymore

phew

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 9:07am
450: MissStix says:

Oh hmmmm and yes!!! My frustration and anger is not stemming from him convincing me to stick around. No no. It stems from my need to be in charge of me and if it’s his idea then he is in charge.

Oh but this is good!!!! It is good good stix because you DO want him in charge remember?? Let go of your totally masculine need for control! Oh yes please but how do I release this?? Oh I know the answers are always there before I even ask! But I know I need to ask in order to be open to seeing the answer. Mmmm yes. Ask and ye shall receive!

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 9:10am
451: Iamabutterfly says:

feedback would feel great.

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 9:12am
452: T-Girl says:

Memulo, please start cd’ing. Basically that is what he is doing by being on the dating site. When I read that I got a feeling of eeww.

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 9:13am
453: Daria says:

Blooming – yes Iansa is a keeper of the of the cemetaries… she’s very much with the dead… shes’ here now making a storm, feels a lil more calm now

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 9:14am
454: MissStix says:

Ohhh oh yes! Goddess does not NEED to control! She just KNOWS and trusts that she can welcome all her desires when they do come. Because they will come. Because she is goddess. And men already know what goddess needs. Deep down they know. But they will never bestow it upon her unless she simply exists in her glory and allows these gifts to flow freely into her heart.

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 9:15am
455: T-Girl says:

Today is starting off to be a great day. I heard “I love you” three times already this morning (which he tells me but not a lot) and he told me he is so happy. I had to remind him to leave for work because he didn’t want to leave me. I love my life right now. And I remember being at the point a couple years ago wondering if I would ever find love.

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 9:18am
456: Daria says:

BIG STEP UP FOR CDING!!!!

our neighbor here, her son got married he was a cutie

but I guess my mom told her I haven’t been going out much, and she says theres a nice young man that works with me and she told him about me, and said will you show her around town,

and he’s like ok

so now she called me to ok it (my mom didn’t look to happy about it) and i said OK! and she will gave him my number!

I feel soooo embarassed and also excited!

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 9:19am
457: MissStix says:

mmmmmmmm

Goddess simply lays back within her beauty and the masculine can not help it! They must come to her. Their prize. The bearer of light in the masculine world. They will wither without her light. They will puff themselves up and become huge and mighty and “pick me pick me I will be all that you ever need!”.

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 9:19am
458: Heart says:

I’ve decided to test out Circular dating…ive just accepted a date with a guy I have no real interest in….

Also I wrote some emails and I feel balanced. I need to start getting Curious about other men pronto.

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 9:20am
459: Heart says:

Free therapy here I come..

FW – I would like to practice being vulnerable to CudG…I want to practice for my Mr. Right (great way of looking at it) bit I have no idea what to say …any help…Sirens?

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 9:23am
460: MissStix says:

Goddess is every woman, and no woman. She is every shape and hight and colour but no form at all. Every woman can invoke her. She is there. She is feminine energy. Moving and flowing and pulsing. She transcends time. She is more than time. Time has nothing on Goddess. She is everywhere all at once and she wants to be a part of me, and all women.

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 9:26am
461: MissStix says:

We are born with a Goddess light. I am flipping my switch and I will leave it on from this moment to forever. It can never burn too brightly. It will never burn out or flicker and die so long as that switch within me remains flipped on. Mmmmm he11 to the yes! Oh my brain wants every siren to do this too! Oh it could never be a bad thing! No no. Never! Mmmm I see us all with our lights shining brightly! Every colour and more colours than even exist burning blindingly bright all over the world and crowned with glorious smiles and glittering eyes!

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 9:32am
462: Brandylion says:

Iama, #417:

I think I see your confusion. And the thing that pops into my mind is, “I am the first domino.” (I hope I’m not misapplying this…)

I would imagine a situation where, if he’s not asking for a commitment even if he wants it, saying to him, “I feel so good with you and I feel so safe, secure, etc. with you and what we have, but I’m looking for a lifelong commitment. What do you think?” could prompt him to go ahead and ask. And if stating your want doesn’t inspire him to step up, you keep your options open or reopen them if you’ve been exclusive.

Does that clarify anything for you?

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 9:44am
463: coco kisses says:

Sooo I’ve been taking some time to myself this morning, my husband has been calling me since 7am…..I didn’t feel like talking, at 11 he left a message sounding a bit pissed off, like either ur super busy or you don’t want to talk to me….im like wow…..he is super used to me being suuuuppper available to him. I’m trying shift my vibe from needy to secure goddess. Last night I sprayed on my favorite scent from bath and body works, went to sleep naked in my satin sheets …it felt Sooo luxurious!!! I felt sexy!! I allowed my hands to explore my own body. Yes my sexy swag is making a comeback. Yes I love my husband, however I can’t control the outcome. I feel confident…I love myself more. I feel brilliant like a diamond

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 9:45am
464: Femininewoman says:

Hey You,

Do you ever ask a man to rub your shoulders because they ache?

Do you ask him after sex?

Then you may have heard him mumble something about being tired before rolling over.

You want to know why? It’s because most men are done after they ejaculate.

Sure, you may have been lucky and found a man that does yoga and practices semen retention and can have just as many orgasms as you can…

…but most men aren’t that able.

Most men really don’t want to do anything after sex.

If you want a massage, ask us before we ejaculate. We’ll still have energy.

You want us to do the dishes, ask us before sex – we’ll do the dishes.

You want us to go shopping with you all day long, ask us before sex, because we’ll have the energy.

But afterwards? We go into a haze – call it a man haze. We just want to kick back and get our balls scratched and our head rubbed. You can throw in a good snuggle and a little bit of kissing.

But not a lot of kissing.

We like to kiss during sex, but after sex, kissing should be minimal also – too much activity.

A little kissing is good after sex, but we don’t have the same gusto as you do because we can’t recharge our batteries as quickly. We didn’t just have seven orgasms; we had one big one.

So, kissing, massages, shopping, dinner, doing the dishes, taking out the garbage – let’s get it all done before sex, shall we?

See you soon,

David Wygant

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 9:49am
465: Memulo says:

We had an agreement of being exclusive. If I start CDing without him even knowing it, his attitude towards me will not change. I want to tell him that I that I have feelings for him, I thought we had a sincere trusting relationship. I saw him on the site, I want to get on there myself and start dating other men, accept date invites that I get. I feel I want to keep my options open. And that u won’t tolerate other women and the breach of trust?

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 9:53am
466: Memulo says:

Or maybe it doesn’t matter what I say at this point, it’s too late

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 9:54am
467: bloom-ing says:

oh gosh. i feel just the tiniest bit scared & overwhelmed but – i can do that & just ride it dee dee sing a song, sailing my little boat.

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 10:05am
468: Tereana says:

Yes, it’s true. We could totally use the tools to keep a guy around who’s not the best for us.

I guess awareness is key…

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 10:07am
469: Daria says:

heyyyyy

i was feeling all sad and spinny headed

and a guy hit me up on Skype and i told him i felt sad

and he cheered me up!

m feeling all smily now

looking at my beauty on Skype video helped a lot too

i look SOOOOO GOOOOD

GOD I LOOK GOOD

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 10:07am
470: Daria says:

Yay Cocokisses!

“i feel brilliant like a diamond” ohhh

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 10:10am
471: Daria says:

I look like a bar of soap!

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 10:11am
472: Memulo says:

Another option is tell him when he contacts me again – if he does

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 10:12am
473: Femininewoman says:

Happy peace day everyone

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 10:12am
474: Tereana says:

Vman and I had a “fight” by text yesterday. It consisted of me getting annoyed by his answers to some of my questions. They felt mean and condescending, rather than uplifting.

I got mad and called him an a**hole.

Later, I texted to apologize, and he accepted. That made me feel better. More than my annoyance, I hated the tension. I wasn’t going to go to sleep with that. And we went on to have a fairly good conversation.

But I can’t say why I feel particularly annoyed with him right now. Lots of other things are annoying me, too. So I suspect that pms has simply hit me like a bunch of bricks (which are annoying). Argh. And I feel tired. And I just want to sleep.

And I feel afraid – my nasty voices are coming up – they are telling me that I’m not okay. That there is something fundamentally flawed and wrong with me because I got angry. I am being told (by them) that my feelings and perceptions are both incorrect and invalid. That whenever I get angry, *I* need to apologize, because *I* did something wrong. The other party is always in the right, because the other party knows best. They are infallible. Even when they are treating me like a jerk. Even (especially) when they are taking advantage of my goodness. That is their right. Because they (my parents and all others I respect or want the respect of, by proxy) are GOD.

This seems to be part of the unconscious belief system that drives me, even though, consciously, I can identify that many of these things are not true. But on a gut level – yeah. They really do felt kinda true.

I feel out of it today. I don’t want to work. I want to go to sleep. I need a hug :-/

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 10:18am
475: coco kisses says:

Happy peace day!!!!

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 10:26am
476: Orna Walters says:

Hello Ladies!

Thank you Annie for posting the info for our no-cost high value webinar “Transforming Your Love Imprint to Allow More Love Into Your Life!” in post #243.

Here is the link to register: http://www.YourLoveImprint.com

Matthew and I would love to “see” you all on the 27th!

Love and Abundance,
Orna

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 10:35am
477: Tam says:

I had my hair done, first time in 7 months (I have been on a savings mission)…bad news, 2 inches had to come off – split ends. Good news: I have lovely blonde highlights now, no more root stuff.
I don’t look like someone with unkept hair anymore but like someone who takes care of herself…ok, so it’s not loooooong long anymore but it will grow again.
Teeth fixed: check
Hair fixed: check
Now if only my mind could be fixed *that* easily..ha!!
I feel good today!!

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 10:39am
478: coco kisses says:

@Tam….that feels good reading about u taking care of yourself

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 10:52am
479: Siren Angel says:

Memulo,

On thing you can do, without bringing up the profile, is to have the ‘exclusive’ talk with him again.

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 11:06am
480: Tam says:

477 – thank you Coco Lady
It was high time too…need to look after myself better, I have decided

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 11:07am
481: Heart says:

awesome Tam

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 11:10am
482: Daria says:

I shaved my legs!

Thank you giving caring effortful Daria

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 11:11am
483: Daria says:

Happy peace life!

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 11:12am
484: Iamabutterfly says:

i feel really embarassed and vulnerable. i hate that i have this knowledge about jack cd seeing a girl long distance, and him thinking that i don’t know about it.

it feels weird that he seemed to be “testing the waters” with me.

like, the things he said in his talk, I felt suspicious that he was trying to communicate with me without actually trying to communicate with me.

I could be wrong, but I feel so sick and tired of doubting myself and of wondering and of feeling shame and pain and having no one know of the shame and pain and wondering and doubt I’m feeling.

i feel like i’ve done something wrong with him, by holding back.

actually i know i have.

in the past, i’ve always felt so confused and scared and i’ve failed to communicate that and then it just ends…

I feel scared and confused now.

but i can tell he still cares.

he always responds so compassionately. he always listens. he always looks into my eyes. he always leans in. he touches me really tenderly.

He asks me all kinds of questions about my relational responses to things. they make no sense a lot of times, but I can tell he’s trying to understand.

I feel so scared to lose him to long distance girl, because I feel like he is one of those rare people who understands my complications, and cares enough to ask about them, and tries to understand them.

I’ve never had that before with anyone, really.

I feel scared because I can feel him partially giving up on me, but also simultaneously reaching out to me.

does that even make sense?

I leaned forward and sat down next to him and I could tell it made him so happy. and we just talked.

I’ve leaned so far back, it was beginning to feel like just friends.

and then he tells me he feels terrible when i ask him how he’s doing.
and then flirts with me.
and his body language.

and the things he said in his talk,
getting off topic and
quoting the note i wrote him,
about me saying I’m not the best at communicating

but then he goes:

“but if ‘you’ (me?) want something bad enough, ‘you’ll’ (me?) be sure to get it.”

what do you want me to do?
what do you want me to say?

all i know is I feel scared of letting you get closer to me, and i feel scared of losing you, and i feel embarassed that i don’t know what to do or say and i feel embarassed that instead of lighting up with thrills when I see you, I feel shame and cowardice and look away.

I’m not going to do that.
I won’t look away.

I will lean back and smile with delight.
it feels so good to see you, but I feel so confused.
i feel bad we don’t spend more time together, and i miss you.
what do you think?

why does that feel so scary and wrong, almost?

what does everyone think of this?
i feel scared that I’m going to be hushed, judged, and critized.

I feel curious…

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 11:21am
485: Heart says:

Where is all this anger, hurt and pain coming from?
This is not about CudG.
It was there during Manboy
And before that ……
Something inside me needs to be healed….I just dont know what…

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 11:23am
486: Iamabutterfly says:

(((((Heart))))))))

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 11:24am
487: Heart says:

#409 Belle you’re a rockstar.

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 11:29am
488: Miss Bells says:

It may be different when a woman puts a man in the “friend zone”. Women tend to be a lot more clear about this.
Men can turn on a dime. I have seen it happen. And felt it…

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 11:30am
489: Heart says:

Thanks Iamabutterfly….cyber hugs feel good.

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 11:30am
490: Memulo says:

Yes SA, thank you, I was just thinking that. But to call him or wait til he contacts me? We have no plans this weekend and it is very strange that he didn’t ask me out last night

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 11:32am
491: Miss Bells says:

#489
No plans…
I am in the same situation and it feels awful.
But–this is the crux of Rori’s tools. If I really believe this stuff works–to either seal the deal or give me the clarity to know it will never happen–then I must be will ing to take my hands off the wheel.
Half my stuff is still in his house. I still have the keys. He hasn’t asked for them back. My mail still comes there. I could just GO there and alleviate my anxiety.
But at what cost?
As long as I keep driving he never will. And I have to accept the fact that he might not drive toward ME when I take my hands off the wheel. Don’t have to like –just accept what is.
So -really–if he didn’t make plans with ME this weekend–he doesn’t exist. Right now.

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 11:38am
492: MissStix says:

Weird…

G likes having sex in the morning! He then jumps up ready to go. He makes us coffee, showers, then off to work! Speak for yourself David Wygant.

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 11:49am
493: Smile says:

It feels so good to be out of my masculine energy. I was not built to put beds back together. I was thankful to strummingman taking it to pieces but I had to put it back together myself in it’s new location.

I’m done with masculine house stuff! No more painting, wallpapering… I use to enjoy this, thought I was independent lol. Now I’m a goddess!

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 11:50am
494: Smile says:

Tam, I’m so booking myself in for hair and nails next weekend!!! Feeling excited. Bet you feel a million dollars with your new do!

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 11:53am
495: Memulo says:

For some reason I can’t overcome that he is all across dating site. I want to call and tell him. Or text. If he really is dating other women it is disgusting

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 11:54am
496: Daria says:

Miss Stix – right? ive seen many a man energized

some energized ready to do it again and again

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 11:55am
497: Memulo says:

I feel that he may be seeing more of another woman and is just getting ready to drop me?

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 11:56am
498: MissStix says:

Daria

Yes me too! Some who want to do it again and again! G is not one of those – He needs a few hours in between, but many others I have known to be immediately ready for more action…Multiple times in a row.

And I felt like WOAH sometimes because I don’t think men actually realize just how intense the female orgasm is! Especially multiples!

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 12:01pm
499: Iamabutterfly says:

@496 (((((((((Memulo))))))))

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 12:01pm
500: Femininewoman says:

Call him Memulo.

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 12:01pm
501: Tam says:

Smile, thank you. I wish not so much had to come off as I was growing it, but it feels great to have no more split ends and I love the caramel highlights!!!
It was long overdue, I have been a miser due to my financial situation but I made a little money.
I’d so love to buy some new clothes, it’s been soooo long I can’t even remember, but it’s not going to happen for a while – one thing at a time, eh?!
Yep, do it! Get a hair appointment…such a treat!!!

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 12:04pm
502: Miss Bells says:

#496
Memulo– I KNOW the OW from this summer is prowling around. I also have evidence that he is not exactly hanging out with her. But here’s the thing–If I or you or any normal woman needs to worry about this it means something is out of balance. If the guy were REALLY stepping up we wouldn’t have to worry. We would instinctively relax. So my worry is really about knowing that he is not stepping up.
When he IS stepping up I am completely relaxed and don’t think about him and other women, don’t feel the need to monitor him.
This might not apply to a woman who is obsessively jealous–who sees rivals under every tree. But if you are a normal woman what you feel is him not stepping up.
If he is not really WITH me–it doesn’t really matter whether he is alone or with someone else.

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 12:04pm
503: Annie says:

436: Siren Angel says:

Annie,

“Maybe he really wants to be a good partner and parent, but feels he can’t win with you… just a thought. Is it possible that he sees it differently, as in ‘when we get together on holidays and long weekends we will really enjoy and appreciate our time together’?”

Nope. He admitted that someone has to present and available now I have given him the speech.

I feel curious Siren Angel
How do thinks it is possible for someone to form a real loving healthy relationship with someone and turn up for contact time etc in a contact center etc if one they are not even in the country or long distance away in this country and prove to everyone concerned that they want to and are able to do effective co parenting?
I feel in agreement that to do and be in a real loving healthy relationship that these key elements need to be there. Presence, spoken intent and ACTIONS that follow

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 12:08pm
504: Daria says:

tonite the day and the night will be just as tall

here we go into growing darknessss

mmmmmm

i love you

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 12:10pm
505: Daria says:

tonite and tomorrow is a great day for hair removal on the lunar calendar, and the eQUINOX helps

im hair removing and yum im just doing so many things for Daria!

thank you thank you thank you Daria

mmmm i feel so taken care of and lovely

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 12:12pm
506: Heart says:

Well I wrote CudG and told him I was too busy to hang out anymore and Good luck with everything…

I feel Great.
My insides feel easy.

I want a guy that’s into me.
I want a guy that’s into me.
I want a guy that’s into me.

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 12:13pm
507: Smile says:

((memulo))

I agree you need to share how you feel with him, but I do not feel it is right now. I would take care of myself. Then next time he contacts me I would share my feelings.

It feels like you havd too much focus on this man. I also felt this re expectations around plans for the weekend.

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 12:17pm
508: Heart says:

I lied I didnt write that to CudG…I just wanted to see how it would feel if I did…Lol! Sorry

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 12:19pm
509: Heart says:

LOL!

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 12:20pm
510: Goddess Lily says:

Heart, so how did that feel?

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 12:20pm
511: Smile says:

Memulo, I get the feeling of drama from and blame from your post.

For some reason I can’t overcome that he is all across dating site. I want to call and tell him. Or text. If he really is dating other women it is disgusting

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 12:21pm
512: Goddess Lily says:

Daria, you just reminded me to go buy razors…..this laser hair removal treatment thing is taking forever!

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 12:22pm
513: Smile says:

Hm, I’ve felt the need to push guys away when they are not meeting my needs. I wonder how you do this without being controlling?

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 12:22pm
514: Annie says:

506: SmileNo Gravatar says:

((memulo))

“I agree you need to share how you feel with him, but I do not feel it is right now. I would take care of myself. Then next time he contacts me I would share my feelings.

It feels like you havd too much focus on this man. I also felt this re expectations around plans for the weekend.”

I feel in agreement with smile.
This is the time to take care of your own feelings around this and have you speech ready.

The speech will only work if you are in the place of not being bothered about the outcome.

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 12:24pm
515: Smile says:

I made it my new years resolution 2 years ago to always wear matching underwear and keep my legs fuzz free. I’ve 85% kept to this. I do it for me!

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 12:24pm
516: Annie says:

510: SmileNsays:

“Memulo, I get the feeling of drama from and blame from your post.

For some reason I can’t overcome that he is all across dating site. I want to call and tell him. Or text. If he really is dating other women it is disgusting.”

You give him your personal power by doing this.
Are you able to reverse it and get it back?

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 12:26pm
517: Heart says:

Goddess – it felt safe and like a relief But it also felt boring and unnecessary.

I realize I do need to see CudG and explore my feelings…”If a man is not in front of you He’s not real.”
Meeting him a night next week and seeing how I feel while around him is good for me.
Not wanting to meet – is me wanting to punish him for Not-being-my-Mr.Right.

Less analysis…more exploration…
And I need to date other men! – Pronto.

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 12:27pm
518: MissStix says:

(((memulo)))

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 12:28pm
519: Smile says:

Tam, your highlights feel yummy! I want lots of layers in my long locks! I want to feel swishy! I’m due some new clothes next month. I put a bit aside each month so I can treat myself without feeling guilty. However I place it as a high priority at the min, looking after me

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 12:29pm
520: Goddess Lily says:

Heart, allow me to repeat this for my own good.

Less analysis, more exploration. I’m an analyst by nature and trade so this feels so difficult.

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 12:31pm
521: Heart says:

Goddess – easier said that done…:)

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 12:36pm
522: Miss Bells says:

#512
Instead of pushing away it might be good to simply lean back–do nothing–and meet the needs some other way. If I focus on ME I don’t have to DO anything about him.

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 12:38pm
523: Smile says:

We get to choose or not choose him. If we get the feeling enough is enough, do we need to say anything or just walk away???

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 12:41pm
524: Memulo says:

If HR didn’t have plans with me last night it means he had them with someone else. Same goes for the weekend

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 12:41pm
525: Heart says:

Regardless….the thought of seeing him….fills me with dread?
Are you suppose to be feeling that wau about a date?

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 12:43pm
526: coco kisses says:

@ miss bells…leaning back feels good, and relaxing….for me I have to remember that meaning back doesn’t mean building walls…..

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 12:44pm
527: Miss Bells says:

I say walk away with out explaining.
Explaining=convincing=boy energy
If he really wants you he will give chase.
If he doesn’t you would have been keel hauled for a long time, and risk not seeing the real guy when he appears.
I am in the middle of putting this into effect for myself. No explaining. No defending. No convincing.

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 12:44pm
528: Miss Bells says:

#524
I felt that way last night about a phone date–at 9 o’clock I should have said no from the start.
It was a POF guy.
I am just about to delete my prove from everywhere.

A date should cause excitement–not dread!

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 12:46pm
529: MissStix says:

I find when I think “easier said than done” I feeling resistant to actually doing something. I like to explore my resistance to go deeper to the root. I find this helps me to think something is much easier to do.

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 12:47pm
530: Memulo says:

I do lean back all the time. This us where it got me

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 12:47pm
531: bloom-ing says:

Memulo,

I would call him! you sound stressed & i don’t want to sit around feeling stressed… I’d just say, actually i’m noticing i’m feeling weird with no plans with you for the weekend.. & i do enjoy spending time with you…. & i’m not feeling as excited as i usually do when i imagine spending time with you…. i did notice that you are active on dating sites & that feels bad for me, as i want to only be intimate with men who aren’t seeing other women…. what do you think?

from what i’m hearing you say, i think you will feel worse to “wait” for him to call. if he is simply busy this week, you will know. if there is some other reason he’s been on the sites, you’ll know! to me, information-seeking in that situation sounds like taking care of yourself : )

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 12:50pm
532: MissStix says:

mmm yes! and these explorations have benefits twofold because they also help keep my focus on me.

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 12:50pm
533: Annie says:

calling him is chasing.

Memulo, do you want to chase and lead?

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 12:54pm
534: MissStix says:

Bloom-ing

I like that!

It feels like “Hey! I need some truth and info so I can go about doing my thang knowing what’s up.”.

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 12:54pm
535: Miss Bells says:

#529
Memulo
There is leaning back and there is leaning back…
I used to think I WAS leaning back because I never called him etc.
But what I was actually doing was THINKING about him all the time–concentrating on what HE was doing or not doing–getting angry and suppressing it– and building a wall.
Now, to me, leaning back is more about my thoughts, attention, and vibe than any action I take or not.
If you have a leaned back inner vibe you can call, or initiate, from time to time.
If you are leaning forward in your energy it doesn’t matter if you are “doing” the leaning back thing.
It is a lot harder to really BE leaned back than it looks.
Right now–I am feeling so much pain that I am obsessing over him. But, if I keep finding me center using the tools and keep going back to my center moment by moment–in time this will change.
I will not beat myself up. I will not beat him up.

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 12:55pm
536: Heart says:

#527 – Ms.Bells – I know…I feel so icky about the whole thing…I just want to get the whole thing over with…

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 12:55pm
537: Femininewoman says:

Thinking about him is chasing. But I would only say what bloom-ing suggested if I am okay with letting him go and don’t care what he does after I say it.

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 12:55pm
538: Daria says:

“Why You Need To Cancel Your Online Dating Profile NOW!

Have you ever found yourself saying “yes” to any of these below?

Online dating sucks.

There are no good men out there. I can’t believe I am going this. All the profiles are lame. Can’t these guys spell. I keep getting emails from losers. I’m tired of these winks. His pic’s must be from the 80′s. He’s 45 yrs old seeking a woman in her 20′s. All these men just wanna get laid.

The list can go on and on and on.

If you answered YES to any of the above

Cancel your online dating profile NOW.

What???

Yes, if any of these things really bug you, cancel your profile now.

Even though connecting online is the fastest growing way for people to meet. Even though now more marriages and relationships started with those who have met online.

Even though it’s easy and you can connect 24/7 without leaving your house. Even though you can meet someone who you might never have the opportunity to cross paths with in real life.

Cancel now because online dating SUCKS!

There’s always the coffee shop, grocery store, meet-up groups etc…

But Jonathon, I am really fed up with online dating.

Look I get it, it can be frustrating.

One date after another with no luck. He didn’t look like his pic’s. He was sooooo boring. I can’t believe he asked me to pick up half the check. There was no chemistry.

This list can on and on.

Jonathon, is there a better way?

Before we go into some alternatives, let’s check in with our mindset.

If our mindset is negative about online dating, what will happen?

No really, what will happen?

Can you truly meet an amazing guy if your mindset is say “piss poor”?

Of course not.

Let’s flip it for a moment.

How about I share something personal. Before I met my beloved, I was an active online dater. I loved meeting new people. I loved making new friends. I loved first dates. I viewed this as an adventure. I viewed all the possibilities. I envisioned what a fantastic relationship would feel like.

Look, I’m one of those guys who believes we attract what we put out. So for me, a positive mindset was critical. Being in the right frame of mind was essential.

In fact, I took it one step further.

I created a love mantra.

What’s a love mantra Jonathon?

Glad you asked.

A mantra, as you probably know, is a written declaration–a way of petitioning for something that you want to attract into your life. On my personal journey to ATTRACT My Ideal Relationship, I learned the missing piece was creating what I call a Love Mantra. So when I combined my positive mindset with reciting my love mantra (several times a day), my first date with my beloved happened in 83 days.

Can you believe it, 83 days. Actually, we met 38 days from when I wrote the mantra. For 6 years after my divorce I was searching for her and 38 days from practicing what I now preach, we had our first email exchange.

Wanna guess where I met her?

Do you have a clue how we connected?

I’ll let you in on a little secret. It wasn’t a coffee shop. It wasn’t at a meet-up group. It wasn’t at the grocery story. It wasn’t at a bar. It wasn’t jogging on the beach (probably cuz I hate jogging). It wasn’t even a fix up.

Are you dying to find out?

The answer is….

Facebook

Facebook???

Yes, Facebook

An online connection was how we first met.

But it wasn’t until weeks later when I saw her profile on a dating site did I get the nerve to ask her out. She was out there online dating just like me. On Facebook I didn’t know her relationship status. But on Match.com I knew she was dating. That’s the beauty of online dating, you know they’re single. Not like the coffee shop, grocery store, meet up groups etc…

Online dating is for singles.

But Jonathon, there are guys in relationship or even married online.

Yes there is a small percentage of those, but so what! There are an abundance of great guys online searching, trust me. Look, I was online dating and so was my girlfriend. If you cancel your profile, you might miss out on meeting a fantastic man. Now friends, I not saying online dating is the end all, be all. I’m not saying you can’t meet people out in public or by chance. What I am saying is have a good mental outlook about love & dating. Create written mantra of what you want. Take action to make yourself available.

As a dating & relationship coach, this is my formula for success.

Just like the client who called me this week to inform me she eloped.

Jen said: Thank you Jonathon for kicking me in the butt about my negative attitude towards online dating You said “cancel my profile” if I am going to be so down with meeting men online. I’m so glad I didn’t listen to you, but what I did do as you repeatedly suggested, change my mindset, I created an awesome love mantra with your help and I dated online. Thanks to you Jonathon I met my guy on Match.com using your love manta techniques, you’re the best.

Thank you Jen.

Friends, if you hate online dating then by all means cancel your profile.

But here’s the bottom line: Have a positive mental attitude about dating. Create & recite a love mantra everyday. Take action, whether it’s online dating or something else…but take action to make yourself be seen by eligible men who can ask you out on dates.”

Jonathon Aslay

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 12:58pm
539: Laughing Goddess says:

Memulo: I would beg to differ. You are not leaning back energetically. All of this discussion, worry, stress = major leaning forward. I agree with Bloom and FW, just call him.

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 12:58pm
540: Goddess Lily says:

Memulo, I concur with miss bells. I was asking the same question when you said you had already been leaning back.

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 12:59pm
541: bloom-ing says:

i feel curious if anyone has the Birthday Cake text from Radlove or the Sparkles that Vi made the other day….

it’s my dad’s birthday & i’d feel happy to send him an email with a text birthday cake in it !!!

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 12:59pm
542: coco kisses says:

When u really feel chemistry with a man…it feels difficult to wait for him to call or ask you out….I feel the same way waiting for my husband to ask me out….I’m doing counseling with a male relationship coach, and he said if a man is not asking you out, or pursuing you, its because he’s not that in to you, period…..it feels bad to know that my husband is not that in to me. I’m starting to believe that though he feels some attraction for me, and attatchment to me, for him, I’m just not the one….it feels bad to be on pause like this when the rest of my life is speeding ahead….be thankful your not married to him, and you have other options without drama, don’t get stuck on him,

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 1:02pm
543: MissStix says:

My eyes feel wide open right now. I see so clearly that it is all about vibe, energy, confidence and security.

If one is always afraid to call because it is “chasing” one will always BE chasing when they do call. One will never be able to make a relaxed phone call, ask an important question for their own benefit, or even send a little text without stepping into a “chasing” role.

Oh it feels like hand wringing and tense shoulders and fear and hunched body posture complaining because I could never be fully free to act or speak in a way that feels right to me at any given time. Giving up my power rather than taking hold of it and, in doing so, trusting that I will be ok even if a man is not behaving in a way that I feel good about.

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 1:03pm
544: Miss Bells says:

#537
Thanks Daria!
I always start with a great mindset with online dating.
But I get worn down. I have been trying this for over 5 years and have NEVER had a good experience. Well, once. The guy was already a Frugal Goddess fan. He was not a romantic match, but turned into a good friend.
That’s about it.
I am not shy. I talk to people EVERYWHERE.
This area is teaming with live singles meet ups. I will use my positive mindset in person. And it will work…

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 1:05pm
545: Laughing Goddess says:

Hi sirens, I’m back from my trip and just getting caught up. It felt fun to meet his family. I got along with all of them really well and felt like I had known them forever. I felt pleasantly comfortable.

I felt touched by the way he rowed the boat on this trip. He went out of his way to provide make the experience comfortable and fun. Awww, I feel moved remembering. I feel a little guilt because I was being difficult today. Really I was. Having a hormonal, kinda crazy moment. Trying to see how far I could push him.

There is a part of me that is aware when I am doing that. A part that knows I am being a drama queen. Yet the larger part of me persists. And then after the fact, when he is bending over backwards to do things for me, I feel guilty because I know this could have happened in an easier, less dramatic way. And I feel worried he will eventually lose his love for me because of my behavior, that it is somehow emasculating.

I dunno, I didn’t realize all that was going on until I started typing.

Luckily I know how to turn all of this around now that I am aware it’s there. Whew….relief. *wipes brow*

I love my drama queen. I will just recommit to using the tools. Everything is going to be okay. Everything is just fine.

It feels so nice to be able to soothe myself. Feels like mothering sweet nectar that I can tap into anytime I want!

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 1:07pm
546: Laughing Goddess says:

I think my top love language is Acts of Service. I never realized that before.

And that is how I used to show my love, by overfunctioning.

Good to realize…

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 1:09pm
547: Miss Bells says:

#542
“If one is always afraid to call because it is “chasing” one will always BE chasing when they do call. One will never be able to make a relaxed phone call, ask an important question for their own benefit, or even send a little text without stepping into a “chasing” role.”

Yes–that’s it. The chasing isn’t about the call. If the call is THAT important you are already chasing.

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 1:09pm
548: Starla says:

I did need a cosigner for the car loan but getting one was super easy.

I wasn’t even done asking her when she said yes. She just interrupted me and said “yep.”

nice:)

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 1:13pm
549: Femininewoman says:

Welcome back Laughing Goddess

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 1:15pm
550: Smile says:

Hm I’m still chasing strumminingman in my mind.

Letting go
Letting go
Letting go

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 1:16pm
551: MissStix says:

Yes! Leaning back is:

At home: Painting my nails, reading a book, watching tv or a movie or cleaning my room or chatting on the phone with my mom or cuz or feeling my feelings and processing what I want and need or doing exercises to grow my awareness. It is making my own plans for life and relationship and learning what I need so I can allow it to go down in my life. So I don’t accept conditions I am not comfortable with.

At G’s: Literally leaning back, breathing, feeling my feelings, saying my feelings, enjoying the moment and, yes, I even lean back when we fight or bicker (mostly :p) by allowing him to yell, by stating my truth, by asking for the knowledge I require to go about doing my thang.

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 1:18pm
552: Femininewoman says:

Yeah Miss Stix for me my heart starts pound so hard it feels like it is going to jump out of my chest

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 1:19pm
553: Daria says:

Miss Bells – aww my heart feels pain to hear that.

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 1:19pm
554: Smile says:

I’ve noticed I see words sometimes that aren’t really there. I just saw the word married in an email but it actually wasn’t there. There were words on the page but the word married did not fit in nice and neat with the others. It was larger and sat overlapped on top of the other writing.

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 1:20pm
555: Laughing Goddess says:

Hi FW!

I feel so surprised when we got back by how beautiful our house is.

Before we left, all I could see were cobwebs and piles of clutter. But after a week or so away, I got some perspective and realized it’s actually very beautiful.

I suppose relationships can be like that too. Sometimes one needs a little space to realize what they have.

I also felt surprised upon coming home to find a huge, 8 ft tall, goddess looking over my house. She is beautiful, carved from a 2000 yr old tree or something. My friends dropped her off while we were gone. I guess we are her home for a bit. I feel blessed!

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 1:23pm
556: Daria says:

ugh this man is so physically strong and powerful looking and his gaze too mmm yum

umf

and yes he’s contacting me hehe

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 1:28pm
557: Miss Bells says:

But I am going to a house concert in the neighborhood with 29 other guests, none of whom I know.
Then tomorrow it’s the book fest with the over 50 singles.
I am getting out there…

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 1:36pm
558: new siren says:

Memulo,

I think in this case you are well within your rights to call him. That is a big deal and to be oen and honest I would absolutely feel free to call and question this….

Just my opinion.

I

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 1:40pm
559: Heart says:

Sirens – how do I suggests we not see each other anymore to cudG?

How to I do the email version of the walk away?

I feel curious…the thought of seeing him and kissing him makes me feel bad..

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 1:45pm
560: Calypso says:

Wow – I just got my hair done and I look so different! Darker, shorter and curlier . . . JC texted that he was Thinking of me and I sent him a smiley face and then told him I had my hair done and he may not recognize me. He replied, “I will by your eyes” . . . I said, “Awwww . . . ”

He really is a sweet man. Maybe I won’t be mean to him . . . lol

I need to go over there with an open mind and be aware that my reactions to him lately have been tinged by exhaustion, stress and hormones. Plus contact with GM (he texted me about my son), which always make me CRAZY.

I can be sweet and open and willing to be surprised~!

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 1:47pm
561: Smile says:

When I came to the blog, I wanted to walk away from strummingman.

What I learned to do hear was to not look for closure or push him away, To keep riding on my horse even if he was holding onto my saddle dragging along.

I’m glad I did, I’ve been surprised. I’ve kept my heart open but still riding on my horse. I’ve paved over my flytrap and allow him to come in and out of my life. I have no expectations, I’m practising letting go.

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 1:54pm
562: Smile says:

And in doing this, I opened my heart to him.

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 1:56pm
563: Daria says:

Miss Bells – I admire that as I actually feel scared sometimes to go to such events

i feel disappointed when a Siren isn’t online dating because I remember some advice I heard from Rori, such that online is better than meeting in person because in person we tend to (even unconsciously) close off to some people and be open to others based on our past patterns (which we want to change)

Online bypasses that unconscious programming as the men are really doing all the selecting by themselves, without cues from us bodylanguage etc

— for me i feel… sigh… a little concerned im diminishing some of that (slowing it down) because i get hundreds of men contacting me online and i pick using my preferences who to respond to —

i do make an effort to respond to men who i usually wouldn’t though

((((Daria’s fears))))

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 2:02pm
564: Daria says:

yay Smile

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 2:03pm
565: Femininewoman says:

There really is no need to online date if there is a big organic field

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 2:08pm
566: MissStix says:

Got a text from G and he asked how my day is going. I said:

“My day is pretty quiet! Feeling rather chill so not doing much ”

FM’s all over the place! Oh yah!

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 2:09pm
567: Femininewoman says:

Especially connected to friends and family

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 2:09pm
568: Smile says:

Thanks Daria!

I will be online dating soon! Just having a little me time, never been single, so wana see how it fits with me. So far it fits great! I told my friend to try online dating, I’m gonna make a profile next month.
He he so she tried it, she’s met a few guys already but she says mostly she gets pictures of men’s willies! Yikes!

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 2:10pm
569: Smile says:

I smiled at a guy I saw today! He smiled back!

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 2:12pm
570: Miss Bells says:

((((Daria))))
I have tried many things to get better men stepping up online. To me FB doesn’t count– I get the occasional “hey babe” message on FB but with 4872 connections it is really about expanded communication on FB.

I never initiate on dating sites. I have a well-written profile and plenty of pix.I get some strange looking goons and a bunch of wolf whistlers– and poofers. Maybe it doesn’t help that I am short and busty…

I will be equally open to all social exchanges….
And bypass my programming.

If I let them choose me it is no different than online.
And–my subconscious is MUCH healthier now that I have processed the deaths of both parents and cut off my three abusive sisters, leaving only the too good ones.

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 2:12pm
571: Tam says:

567 – Smile, ha!! I never got pics of men’s willies (feeling a bit left out now). No, just kidding, no pics..
I didn’t make too many negative experiences online dating, seems specifically in the US everybody’s on it, almost like a community, like I said the other day a guy wrote to me telling me we have a common friend..too funny.
I don’t take it all too seriously and think that’s the key – unless I met someone a couple of times. And I don’t answer everybody, only those who have obviously read my profile, the rest with their ‘hi’ and their generic copy/paste stuff they send to everyone – I don’t bother with them, got too many as it is.

I am bored with it sometimes and drop it for a few weeks.

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 2:15pm
572: Heart says:

Practice letter:

Ick.
I feel turned off.
Why you keep asking me to hang out is Beyond me.
At the end of the day, Im a girl…I need to feel cared for and liked. This just feels bad. I dont want to hang out anymore…Godluck ith your life.

what do u think?

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 2:16pm
573: Heart says:

what do u think? – addressed to sirens….not Cudg I dont givea eff what he thinks..lol..

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 2:20pm
574: Smile says:

Hmm heart, forgive me but it’s hard to keep up with everyone’s situation in the blog. Why do you want to push him away?

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 2:28pm
575: Memulo says:

I feel angry and blamey and betrayed. I am crying and could hardly stay the day at work. It’s probably no the best state to be in to call him. Or is emotional ok? He is so used to me being pleasant and collected. Maybe once for a change it is ok to be different. But all I can come up with is that stupid dating site. I feel that I am losing. Maybe better to strike first and just send a text. It will be my first crazy text with him

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 2:28pm
576: Daria says:

Miss Bells – i hear you and your intentions and organic meeting men strategy sounds Fantastic

yet the desire to actually take your profiles down, rather than just leave them open for whatever (even if it hasn’t been much) signals to me that something subconscious is coming up to do a shut down

you sound like you’re doing well with taking care of you!

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 2:29pm
577: Smile says:

Tam, it’s on POF. At first it grossed her out, now she just finds it funny. I’m intrigued about what Internet dating will bring for me…

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 2:30pm
578: Daria says:

Heart – hmm reading your situation i get the impression stuff is coming up for you – triggering patterns – that has nothing to do with this guy…

he’s just doing what he does and it sounds like he’s actually leaning in to ask you out several times

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 2:31pm
579: Memulo says:

If I say I noticed him on a dating site and that it feels a little sad to me he will lose the rest of his respect for me. If I noticed him on a dating site the least I can do is to express my feelings and leave. It’s either me or other women.

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 2:32pm
580: Daria says:

Memulo – first crazy text? how about no crazy texts…

no self sabotaging will feel way better in the long run

love on you, and love and be with all that anxiety… it needs your love in there

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 2:33pm
581: Memulo says:

I feel scared that over the phone I will just hear – oh ok, I want to date others. What do I say? ok thanks and hang up?

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 2:34pm
582: Siren Angel says:

Memulo,

That is why I believe to have the exclusivity talk with him is the best option here. You can add that it doesnt just mean sexually but dating too is exclusive. Then asks him what he thinks.

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 2:35pm
583: MissStix says:

Heart- It seems kind of needless. If that makes sense. I just…It reads like you are trying to prove something or put someone in there place.

Have you asked yourself why you feel such a need to say something like that to someone you don’t even want to hamg out with?

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 2:35pm
584: Memulo says:

I just checked again – he logged in this morning. It is every day.

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 2:36pm
585: Daria says:

Memulo – i don’t think he will lose respect for you if you use FM’s

“I noticed you on a dating site and I feel sad ” sounds authentic to me

if you create drama and push away (and then go back… and then push away… the way i notice you doing in your mind tho not in action) then slowly he will lose attraction

if you push away you’re just punishing both of you

being vulnerable is where the healing happens

you will see

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 2:37pm
586: Memulo says:

SA,

he is not even contacting me. Last time I heard from him was yday when he said his ex is doing something bad again (well at 3pm he said she did something in the morning). No asking out. I don’t know if he ever will.

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 2:37pm
587: Memulo says:

I did not respond.

Another option is to yes, wait and if I ever hear from him to ask this question before even accepting a date.

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 2:38pm
588: Daria says:

Memulo – if he says I want to date others, then I would say, “oh ok i understand, and that won’t work for me, Im looking to be in a committed relationship at this time… im gonna step back to take care of me now… ”

and then yes, I hang up

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 2:38pm
589: Memulo says:

Ok Daria,

So In say – I noticed you on a dating site and I feel sad. What next?

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 2:39pm
590: MissStix says:

Memulo

You would say ” Thank you for being honest. I am looking for a committed relationship. It feels bad to me to keep seeing a man who does not have the same relationship goals as me. It feels sad and hard, but I am going to let you go now and go my own way.”

In your own words/feelings of course.

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 2:40pm
591: MissStix says:

If I know the difference between “there” “their” and “they’re” why do I still type them out wrong and mess them up lol

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 2:42pm
592: Memulo says:

Actually, it’s not ‘sad’. It is ‘disgusted’. But I don’t say it, right?

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 2:43pm
593: MissStix says:

mmm

Daria’s script for memulo is nice!!

I like “gonna step back now”. Mmmhmmm very lean back, and nice. Not pushy.

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 2:44pm
594: Memulo says:

But if he actually does have someone else and he already prefers to see her over me, sending me some vague excuses, what will I gain by complaining?

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 2:44pm
595: MissStix says:

Memulo

I feel curious…Why disgusted?

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 2:45pm
596: Miss Bells says:

#578/ #579
I know HS is all over Match. But I also know it has come to nothing. I also know about the real woman–not cyber that he picked up in our backyard when she broke up with his trailer tenant.
Yes, I felt betrayed. We had been living together for a long time. I have moved but half my stuff is still there. I have been there in the flesh about half the time. Mostly cause he asked, or made plans with me. But–it is not enough at this point. I have no healthy option except quiet withdrawal. When he gets it–he will either come after me or not. Waiting for him is the same as leaning forward energetically.
I want to ask–has he ALREADY not been stepping up? It might feel good for a minute to unload on him–but that is the same thing as explaining. Maybe worse.
If you don’t live together and he has not been keeping in very close contact–he has already left.
If it were me (and my situation has some similarities) I would just withdraw my energy. Use thought stopping techniques to break the obsessive thoughts, and do whatever it takes to heal. If you aren’t ready to really date then CD your friends or yourself.
I have a “friend date” with a couple that live in the country and want me to come spend a few days. The change will do me good.
Do you have somewhere you could go for awhile to break things up in your inner world?
Just don’t announce it to him. If he does look for you it would be good for him to wonder about you for a change…

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 2:49pm
597: MissStix says:

I only ever intentionally hold back a feeling if it is blamey. Because sometimes my feelings are blame.

“I feel ____” and the only answer to “why?” is “because YOU did _____.”

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 2:49pm
598: Memulo says:

I saw you on a dating site and I feel awful. I feel back-stabbed where I want to feel loved and appreciated. I thought we had a real thing, I have feelings for you and wanted to be supportive of your situation, but I feel that at this point I want to be supportive of me and take care of me. I want to be in an exclusive committed relationship.

Not sure I want to ask what he thinks?

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 2:51pm
599: Memulo says:

MissStix,

I will try to explain. Because we have this sincerety and trust around it, we do connect on some very deep level, we are together. I do feel betrayed

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 2:53pm
600: Miss Bells says:

Memulo–If you get the chance–that is if you are having an actual f2f convo with him, either Daria’s speech–#287, or Miss Stix #289–would both work. But–then you are left with the hard work of actually stepping away.
I am saying this as much to myself as to you.

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 2:54pm
601: Annie says:

Memulo, stay leaning back take care of yourself and wait. Then when he contacts you have your feeling and don’t want, want and what do you think speech ready,

This is your time for sinking into those feelings, taking care of them, taking care of them processing and finding out what you do a don’t want.

Hugs.

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 2:57pm
602: MissStix says:

“I feel disgusted because I do not want to feel myself giving a full commitment if I am not receiving one in return.”

I’m sorry I have to run but try to keep it to your own don’t wants and keep his actions out of it as THE reason for your feelings. You feel that way because you don’t want to accept this condition in your life.

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 2:58pm
603: Memulo says:

Thank you Miss Bells, is it really #287? My page shows your comment as #599.

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 2:58pm
604: Miss Bells says:

#597
There is a LOT of anger in that speech– and blame.
I would use Daria’s or Miss Stix.

I know you feel the anger–mine is a burning puddle of bile right now…

But–it may be something you have to deal with alone. If he is already online he is signaling to you are in an imaginary relationship on some level no matter how deep it feels to you. I know–I am living through this right now.

What I feel is NOT what he feels.

If I walk away he may not ever come after me. But–if I stay on these terms, tacitly accepting his behavior–nothing will ever change and the crumbs will stick in my craw.

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 3:00pm
605: Annie says:

Memulo Gravatar says:

“I saw you on a dating site and I feel awful. I feel back-stabbed where I want to feel loved and appreciated. I thought we had a real thing, I have feelings for you and wanted to be supportive of your situation, but I feel that at this point I want to be supportive of me and take care of me. I want to be in an exclusive committed relationship.

Not sure I want to ask what he thinks?”

Yayyy firsts step now tweak it.
Stick to how you feel what you want what you don;t want. What he is entitled to do etc.

For instance back stabbed is not a feeling.

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 3:00pm
606: Miss Bells says:

oops –587/589
I must be having a senior moment!

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 3:01pm
607: Annie says:

No I saw you on a dating site.

Wait for him to ask you out.
And then deliver your speech.

He has to lead the conversation.

Or wait until he says, how are you and then start with how you are feeling.

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 3:02pm
608: Miss Bells says:

And I agree with Annie–you have to wait till he can HEAR you-which means being more unavailable and waiting till he notices this and asks about it.
He is not thinking about you right now.
I wish you could go on a short vacation and get pampered. Without telling him– You have no obligation to report in.

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 3:04pm
609: Siren Angel says:

Memulo,

You have to be sure you really want to walk away if ti comes down to it. Sometimes, just letting him know how you feel about it will make him think, and remove the profile. I am not saying to accept that he dates other women. But is he spending time with you and contacting you. I would ask him where I stand and where he sees this going in the future. You can also decide to stop being intimate with him.

I personally would not even date a man dating another woman. But I also know that his being on the site does not necessarily mean he is actively dating someone else. This is why I believe you need to have a heart to heart with him.

The problem with you calling him right now to talk about this, is that you have no idea at what moment you are catching him. You may not get the reaction you wish simply because he could feel put in a corner.

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 3:09pm
610: Annie says:

Memulo, how about icky or yucky or turned off, repelled?

Dig deep what comes up?

Does it make you want him more or less him doing this.
Does it make you want to chase him and lean forward or get away from him?

What comes up for you?

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 3:11pm
611: Daria says:

Memulo – “I noticed you on a dating site and I feel sad. What next?”

thats it. then he responds.

I would still wait and write out my feelings here and really pour a lot of love on my self. like imagine myself being a chocolate nut in the center of a huge amount of cotton candy love

and I wonder if w ‘disgusted’ there is also angry. I get the impression anger is being sidestepped here, and maybe you haven’t even gotten to unearthing and feeling your anger yet. I’d sink in and keep feeling

reread Rori articles and book on the situation. Her words make me feel so open and reassured

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 3:15pm
612: Annie says:

Not taking his profile down on a dating site means he is advertising himself as single.

Now if he wants to do this, this is what he wants to do and is entitled to do.
This is the place you have to come from not blame.
Thn if you don’t want to date a man who is advertising himself on a dating site and being open to dating other women, that is what you want.

What are you willing to settle for?
What do you really want?
Is this a deal breaker or not?

Only you can answer these questions.
Only you know your truth.
We are not you, so our truth is not yours.

What is your truth?

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 3:20pm
613: Siren Angel says:

Memulo,

Also, it is very possible is he running into masculine energy everywhere on the dating site, and that is why you are still there with him.

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 3:20pm
614: Annie says:

Daria. I’d sink in and keep feeling

reread Rori articles and book on the situation. Her words make me feel so open and reassured.

I feel in agreement with Daria. Keep processing be still be quiet and go inwards sink.
See what comes up

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 3:22pm
615: Annie says:

Sit on those hands keep your hands off that phone.

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 3:22pm
616: Annie says:

612: Siren Angel says:

“Memulo,

Also, it is very possible is he running into masculine energy everywhere on the dating site, and that is why you are still there with him.”

It’s all irrelavant, it’s about what Memulo feels and what she wants.

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 3:25pm
617: Siren Angel says:

Memulo,

No matter what, you will know when he calls. Please wait. You don’t want to catch him off guard too much.

Also, I really believe this is worth an FM about it, without threats of walking away.

Walk away only if he says he wants to date other women and he doesnt see you in his future.

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 3:26pm
618: Siren Angel says:

Annie,

I have noticed the newer sirens here to be a lot harsher and to make hasty decisions, often final and feeling very ultimatumish. I am simply opening up the realm of other possibilities to Memulo.

I remember being given that exact line of advice many months ago by a Siren here.

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 3:29pm
619: LiliBee says:

614:

LOUDER ANNIE! I REALLY NEED TO HEAR IT TOO. lol.

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 3:30pm
620: LiliBee says:

HANDS OFF PHONE !!!

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 3:30pm
621: Siren Angel says:

Of course, it is about how Memulo feels, so that she can build an authentic FM when she speaks with him. But ‘wriring’ her up is not helping get underneath the anger. She needs to see the light at the end and walk through.

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 3:31pm
622: Daria says:

ohhh i feel excited… my singing sounds sweet and the words that im choosing are unique and HEALING!

yes

“u can heal through the heart of a woman”

ohhhhhh

i efele so happpyyyyy

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 3:32pm
623: Siren Angel says:

LiliBee,

No phone for you either, at least not to D

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 3:35pm
624: Miss Bells says:

#617
That is why I like leaning back without explanation. Then there is no ultimatum.

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 3:36pm
625: Daria says:

i remember on the block i made a song and put it on my voicemail just to make sure i record it

and everyone laughed but then it got stuck in some peoples heads and they were singing it lol

awww hehe i felt so good about it

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 3:36pm
626: Siren Angel says:

Actually, in support of my sister Sirens, I am not calling either ALL WEEKEND!

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 3:36pm
627: Siren Angel says:

Miss Bells,

I agree. A siren does not explain. A siren does not need to give an ultimatum.

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 3:38pm
628: Siren Angel says:

Memulo??????

Where are you??????

(((Memulo)))

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 3:39pm
629: Daria says:

heeeee

im feeling so lovey in love with me

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 3:41pm
630: LiliBee says:

Memulo,

Are you on the phone calling or texting him?

HANDS OFF PHONE!!! lol

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 3:41pm
631: Siren Angel says:

Sometimes, I really wish we could all get together with some martinis and cupcakes and paint our nails and put the phones in the ice bucket.

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 3:44pm
632: LiliBee says:

625:

Arhhh SA,

You sound so strong and resolved.

I feel week.
I never like to admit that much.

I like to put on a strong super on-top of the situation woman mask on.

Yeah, well, I FEEL WEEK !
I FEEL WEEK !
IT’S OK TO FEEL WEEK!

I can feel all angry and bark like a chiwawa.
But when push comes to shove, I bow down and shake.

I drive by D’s street on my way home from work.
I sssoooo wanted to stop by his house and wait there for him to come home from hockey.

But I didn’t.
Nevermind calling, I want to drive over there.

AND I FEEL SO WEEK. week. weeek.

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 3:49pm
633: Daria says:

lol! man FB status after taking in Rori’s article wisdom that Annie and I posted above, (about If he says you’re friends yet you have excellent sex)

“You dont love me, that was a lie your orgasm told you ”

men! they”re simply straightforward smart

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 3:49pm
634: Daria says:

now he says:

“Thanks, I really liked your post. It made a lot of the insanity Ive been dealing with make a ton of sense.”

go Rori power!

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 3:50pm
635: Miss Bells says:

So–do I take just some of my stuff?
Or all of it?

HS is also chasing others–the live (not cyber) one is on her way out. He is also on Match. And it is not OK with me.

I am not even going to have the convo with him, just vote with my feet. If we are going to EVER have a “relationship talk” again he has to start it. I am done with that.

But if I take it all, it is a little like an ultimatum. Especially if I don’t say anything.

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 3:50pm
636: LiliBee says:

631:

I mean I drive by his street every day on my way home from work.
I don’t purposely, it is on the way to my place.

I feel a strong twinge in my heart when I drive by.

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 3:51pm
637: Belle says:

631

Lilibee I like to hug my pillow and pretend it’s my weakness and love it and stroke it and coo to it like a baby

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 3:52pm
638: Siren Angel says:

Miss Bells,

That is what I was expressing the other day but could not express very well… Yes, you take all your stuff means YOU are leaving, therefore ‘pulling the plug’ ‘cutting the cord’ actually worse than an ultimatum.

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 3:54pm
639: Siren Angel says:

If we could have a higher tolerance, we would all be better somehow. Not tolerance to be treated badly, but tolerance for what the men go through too before they decide we are the one. (((Men))) ((((Sirens)))

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 3:55pm
640: LiliBee says:

630:

Ah SA,

I Love love love love llloooove that idea!
I so miss those girly gettogethers.

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 3:56pm
641: Siren Angel says:

Tolerance for our feelings. Tolerance for our mistakes. Tolerance to discover our real truth and wants. Tolerance for words we don’t want to hear but have to accept. Tolerance for humanity.

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 3:57pm
642: Daria says:

“The green in every tree is You.
The beauty of every garden is You.
My wealth, my work, my master is You.
Solitude, purity, pretense is You.
There is no reality but YOU.”

rumi

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 3:58pm
643: Daria says:

All Your Attempt To Reach Me
Are In Fact My Attempts To Reach You.~Rumii

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 3:59pm
644: Siren Angel says:

argh… I am rambling, sorry.

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 4:00pm
645: RiverGirl says:

Daria 632
“lol! man FB status after taking in Rori’s article wisdom that Annie and I posted above, (about If he says you’re friends yet you have excellent sex)

“You dont love me, that was a lie your orgasm told you ”

men! they”re simply straightforward smart”

Awwww….. I just love men!

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 4:00pm
646: Belle says:

Today I got a yummy belly and heart massage that helped release a lie that was stuck in my neck, and feelings of “not good enough” from my belly.
I did an intuitive session with a friend and together we relieved some unconscious tension and fears around unity consciousness.
I got yummy groceries and a big old bunch of beets to ferment!!! Squeeeee!!!!!! Belle is gonna make us some cultured veggies!!!
My friend that I like sosososososo much revealed to me that she thought I didn’t like to be around her so much because she thinks she’s negative and I got to feel all yummy and lovey and warm-hearted about her and let her know I LOVE her negativity and sent her this:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Negative_space

“The use of equal negative space, as a balance to positive space, in a composition is considered by many as good design. This basic and often overlooked principle of design gives the eye a “place to rest,” increasing the appeal of a composition through subtle means. The term is also used by musicians to indicate silence within a piece.”

This also came up with my friend today…I value objectivity and unless I’m triggered generally see things objectively and was telling her…negative is simply negative. No big deal. Nobody looks at the black battery post and goes…oh, gawd, I don’t want anything to do with that horrible negative post! I’m only going to look at and love and adore the red, positive one!

It’s just…negative.
Love is the alchemist that resolves the perceived conflict between negative and positive

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 4:04pm
647: Daria says:

Miss Bells – yes I would take my stuff. He knows where to find me, and he will figure out how to win me over.

I’m gonna step back and take care of myself…

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 4:15pm
648: Daria says:

Belle – whoa i feel shocked… mmm i feel a bit sad at this type of love, like i feel unworthy

((((

i feel judgmental when people are ‘being negative’ awwwhwwwh

i feel guilty

it feels bad to me like my heart gets hit… mmmhmmm

feeling guilty

i want to feel open and accepting and

i also dont want to have it around me

mmmm

feeling conflicted furrow browwww

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 4:17pm
649: Miss Bells says:

#637
That is part of why this is so frustrating.
Because I did actually MOVE OUT. In response to intolerable behavior–chasing women and friend zoning me.

And–predictably–he is now getting more affectionate and cuddly. He is spending time with me. And I still have the keys, and use the address. I could show up there a half hour from now, un-announced and it would not be entirely inappropriate. There are things I need, and they are at his house, not mine. Important papers, etc.

But he is still chasing and still not sexing me up.

And I have moved… I want my stuff to move with me. I want to change my address. If he wants me I want him to make an effort, and knock it off with the other women, real or imaginary.

If he wants me to move back in I need a ring. He knows that part.

The truth is–I don’t know how to get from where I am to where I want to be with out it being “‘pulling the plug’ ‘cutting the cord’ actually worse than an ultimatum.” That is NOT what I want.

But I also don’t want what we have. I don’t want to be a hang out buddy. I want either a REAL relationship as defined by Rori or to be alone. I don’t want to be a pal that he kisses and cuddles and dates and flirts with but that’s it. (No sex though anymore. He does get that I won’t tolerate friends with bennies, and he isn’t stepping up with more, so he avoids it and I have let him.)

So–how do I get my stuff without being dramatic and slapping him? I want to lean back–not punish him.

I was thinking of saying “you know I am having fun here, but I need my stuff to come live with me. And then take the stuff– and then lean way back.

On Sunday my friends are going to help me move the boxes from the closet. But I am leaving the rest. I think it is possible to move a lot of it before it becomes an F you.

Then–if I need to move the rest–the pretty stuff that makes it a home (almost all mine–without my stuff it looks like a motel) and the cookware, and some clothes, and cosmetics– it will be easier.

Right now there are clothes in the closet and dresser, a brush and tooth brush and robe in the bathroom. + my scale which I need.

And the surface looks like I still live there. Also– If I am going to vote I need to change now or vote from the old house.

As long as my stuff is there he still “has” me in some way, without giving up anything to me and the relationship.

What do y’all think?

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 4:20pm
650: Siren Angel says:

Miss Bells,

He doesnt have you because your stuff is there. He has you because you go and back and forth for your stuff. so he gets to see you and treat you the same way as before.

Take what you need so you can be comfortable at your new home.

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 4:31pm
651: Daria says:

Miss Bells – it’s not pulling the plug to me. it’s just stepping back.

there’s no plug to pull. a man will move mountains to be with a woman he wants to be with.

if i could take all my things, I would

the feminine partner moving backwards helps, not hurts, a relationship

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 4:34pm
652: Siren Angel says:

Miss Bells,

However, the way you describe this situation it feels like it has all been done and done, in the sense you are literally moved out now and it is an unspoken understanding that all your stuff is coming with you.

If so, then I don’t see the need to make it linger any longer.

But in all this moving stuff and the anger or disapointment at his behavior, are you keeping your heart open to him?

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 4:36pm
653: Siren Angel says:

LiliBee,

I hope you are stating away from the phone.. and from his place…

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 4:37pm
654: Belle says:

647

What if others’ perceived negativity made you laugh, instead of hurt?
What if that pain is stifled laughter?

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 4:38pm
655: Miss Bells says:

The whole thing is made more difficult to fathom because we have a wonderful peaceful undramatic domestic life. Like two people in a felicitous and happy marriage.

Most people think we are married because that is the energy.

When I am “home” we eat good food, sit outside and laugh and talk and drink wine and dance.

In the evenings we sit and read together or watch netflix. We share books because our tastes are similar.

It seems so incongruous–”oh honey, you want another slice of pie? By the way– I am moving all my stuff out because I am in love with you and don’t want to share…”

I have told him I love him but not that I am “in love” with him. When we were cracking up over the stuff this summer with trailer-girl he said “you are deeply in love with me–but you won’t even say it!!” And I didn’t say it. He needs to go first. Instead he said–if you are in love with me you can’t be here.

Maybe I will say THAT. “yes– you are right– I am in love with you and I can’t be here–So I am taking my stuff with me.” Then lean way back…

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 4:40pm
656: LiliBee says:

When I got to my place, I called my bf to get her help to talk me into leaning back.

She knows all about D and me’s history, she’s been there with the both of us and has witnessed alot.

She said to me “You have to let him come to you, or else it won’t mean anything to you. Leave him be. If he comes back, hold yourself to be real and keep a very close watch on your cold wall. You can’t keep hurting yourself like this.”

She has become so wise.
She has been through sooo much pain to get so wise.
She asked me how I felt when he hugged me, I said I turned to jello everytime.
She said she wants to feel that way when her man hugs her, and she doesn’t.
She plans on breaking up with him and she feels no doubt about it.
This from a woman who always threw herself at men’s feet.
Never ever would she imagine herself be able to leave any man.

With me it’s the opposite.
I never imagined myself sticking to a man.
They all came back (4), and I never took any of them back, I turned away all 4 of them…except D (the 5th one).

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 4:42pm
657: Siren Angel says:

Miss Bells,

Your life together does sound lovely, and yes very matrimonial, minus trailer girl of course.

Can I ask, has he always had interest for other women? Does he pull away and come back constantly?

“Maybe I will say THAT. “yes– you are right– I am in love with you and I can’t be here–So I am taking my stuff with me.” Then lean way back…” Yes, that is good. It is always a great idea to make them ‘right’ in the statement. I know some relationship experts don’t like us to say ‘i luv you’, but if this is your truth and you have an open heart when you say it, it might resonate. You could also share that you need to take care of you because that feels better to you.

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 4:47pm
658: Tereana says:

Wow, miss bells, that sounds like an incomprehensible situation, to be sure! Lol

If only there weren’t that “other woman.” but my feeling is that she is not all that important (whoever “she” is).

Sounds like he really wants to hear it from you, if you truly are deeply in love with him. Why is it that “you can’t be there” if you are? Why does there have to be that qualification, or that consequence. It almost sounds like a punishment – banishment and ostracism. Is it because of the fact that you love him? Orbis it because he knows it and he needs/wants to hear it, but you won’t say it because you are holding out for him to “go first”?

What if it didn’t matter what his response was? What if there was no “consequence”? What if you just says what was true for you, and then remained open to what came next?

I am not telling you what to do. I trust you and that you are making the best decision for your situation. But I agree that it all sounds a bit odd to me…

Cheers

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 4:49pm
659: Tereana says:

Wow, miss bells, that sounds like an incomprehensible situation, to be sure! Lol

If only there weren’t that “other woman.” but my feeling is that she is not all that important (whoever “she” is).

Sounds like he really wants to hear it from you, if you truly are deeply in love with him. Why is it that “you can’t be there” if you are? Why does there have to be that qualification, or that consequence. It almost sounds like a punishment – banishment and ostracism. Is it because of the fact that you love him? Orbis it because he knows it and he needs/wants to hear it, but you won’t say it because you are holding out for him to “go first”?

What if it didn’t matter what his response was? What if there was no “consequence”? What if you just says what was true for you, and then remained open to what came next?

I am not telling you what to do. I trust you and that you are making the best decision for your situation. But I agree that it all sounds a bit odd to me…

Cheers

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 4:49pm
660: Siren Angel says:

(((Lilibee)))

I just literally melt in M’s arms. It feels scary to think that I could not have that.

I know it is better for men to always come to us. I have had similar experiences and it always worked since I was very young. However, M is ‘wired’ differently. It sounds insane, but I believe he would rather put himself through torture than to step on his ego or come back on his own initiative.

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 4:51pm
661: Siren Angel says:

Tereana,

“What if it didn’t matter what his response was? What if there was no “consequence”? What if you just says what was true for you, and then remained open to what came next? ” YES! I love this!

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 4:53pm
662: Tereana says:

So…after the fight last night, I wondered if I’d hear from him. I texted him in the a.m. That I was sleepy. No response. Later in the day, he texted that he was tired, that he’d only had 3 hrs sleep. I texted back why? I asked again. Still nothing. After over an hour, I sent one more message. I’m at my quota of three, where I stop and just let it go.

I’m actually not all that worried. I feels very relaxed. Ok, and maybe I am hoping/planning that my “relaxedness” will result in a response from him. But that can’t be right. This isn’t witchcraft here. This is alchemy….

It will happen.

Ok – bam! Real time = response

Nice

He was probably busy at work or something.

Yay, siren tools!

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 4:54pm
663: Miss Bells says:

#641–exactly. He does get what he wants from me in terms of company and validation. We have a part time blissful domestic relationship with no commitment.
but–
#651
He does not think I am moving it all out. I still have the keys. I still vote from there. I still receive mail there. When my check comes he pops it in the bank for me if I am not there.

He is starting to talk about having the neighbors over for dinner–a dinner party for six. Also–the band members and spouses.

And there are other presumptive points of contact. The netflix series we are currently watching. He will call me when the next one arrives, at his convenience. And I can come over and sit by the fire in my comfy slippers with him.

So–no he doesn’t think I am taking everything– HE says he is “storing’ my stuff because he has decided I don’t have enough space. and if I take the cookware I won’t be able to cook when I am there.

I think I need to break up with HIM–in hopes of him coming forward with something better.

He treats me like a part-time wife right now. Even BETTER for him than before. But I am not allowed to treat him like a husband.

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 4:56pm
664: Annie says:

If you are at the place in yourself where you have decided for yourself it is a deal breaker.
I do not believe this to be an ultimatum.
If you are at that place where you have let go of the outcome and have let go of the outcome. I don’t believe that to be the case Siren Angel.

If Memulo or other Sirens do not want to walk away and it is not a boundary then it is right for them to stay.

It is about where Memulo is as the individual on her journey and their journey and what they want.

They are her feelings and her questions and boundaries not mine.

I do not know if it is a deal breaker for her.
Only Memulo knows that.

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 5:00pm
665: Miss Bells says:

#656
The OW thing is a new development.
Started in Summer 2011. Over in a couple of weeks.
Then–again this summer–different woman.
I am sure he told Trailer-girl, who was on and off the property seeing trailer-man, that I was just a house-mate.
If she had bothered to ask me she would have found out differently.
After 4 weeks she suddenly announced she was moving to LA. That is when he got active on Match.
She told him she was leaving because she now didn’t believe that things were “over between you and Bells” and a bunch of other stuff. he responded by talking about the other stuff and not mentioning the elephant in the room–me.
I don’t know why she came back up-maybe just to close up around here. He may have told her I have moved. But, she might ask–if Bells has moved why is she still here?”
The only reason for me to be there is because he wants me there.
So–no– I don’t think she is much of a threat at this point. But I CAN”T STAND IT that she EXISTS in his life.

And– I need to know I am a first choice and not just a consolation prize.

But if he REALLY wanted to keep her he could have blown me off and moved her in. He chose not to. Not even close.

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 5:06pm
666: LiliBee says:

It took me a while to ‘submit Comment’ on my last post coz D called before I finalized it.

When he asked how I was doing, I said “So-so, I feel sad”
Him “What for?”
Me “At how it feels tense and distant between us.”
Him “Really? That’s good! It means you’re thinking about me. That’s good! (yes he said it 2x ”

So last night he worked on a call close to his cousin’s house.
He went over to his cousin’s and had a few drinks.
He slept over coz it was closer to his day job…and coz of the drinks of course…and he lost his phone.

When I 1st heard that story, my 1st instinct was to believe they were lies.
I stopped myself instantly, and told myself ‘Lilibee, you were feeling vulnerable and insecure and it’s OK not to be the you-can’t-hurt-me tough chick.
I replaced my usual suspicious sarcastic remark with an honest authentic FM:

“I felt so upside down when you didn’t call.
I called and left you a message.
I felt worried and it made my hamster start running crazy.
I was making up stories to myself, then felt bad and tried to talk myself out of them.
I felt so insecure. I thought the worst and made myself feel worse.
I feel scared that you’ll think I’m nuts.”

He chuckled and enthousiastically invited me to come over for the weekend right now, while he waits for his son to call him to pick him up.
He also invited me to an open house guided tour of his workplace tomorrow, then to his dad’s bday dinner.

As Siren Angel said to me today: D is surely trying to create a family setting with you and his son.
Yes he is, and it makes me feel soooo wanted and special.
He’s doing alone man to man bonding activities during weeknights with his son, but he includes me in all their weekends.

The sound of his voice felt reassuring
He sounded happy to hear my voice.

Crrraaazy NVs!

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 5:10pm
667: Butterfly Wings says:

Good morning sirens! I haven’t caught up but wanted to post an update while it was still in my head!

Last night I realised something that is kind of huge for me.

As I posted the other day, TH invited me out for Friday night (last night for me), so we went out with a few people from work.

We didn’t stay long because TH wanted to go to the gym and he offered one of the guys a lift home, seeing as he lives right near our gym.

As we were heading home, this guy said “I really don’t get you two!”. I said “I don’t get us two either!”.

Later on TH told me that this guy had asked what was going on between us, and TH had said that I was enjoying my single life for now. I said “What?”.

And he said “Well the other night you said you’re sometimes not sure that you even want a relationship with me.”

I replied “Yeah and then I see you in person and I know I do!”

So we dropped this guy off and we went to the gym. Afterwards, while we were back at his house, he told me to go and have a shower and get back into my other clothes because he was taking me out to dinner (yay!).

Dinner was nothing fancy (just at a local pub), but it was yummy, and he suggested we play a couple of games at pool. He SMASHED me, even though he tried to let me win! lol Meanwhile, there was a group of guys at the next table, and one of them did not take his eyes off me the whole time! OMG! He was so obvious!

So TH started touching me, showing me affection (which he NEVER does!) and I think he was showing the other guy that I was with him! So funny! I loved every second of it.

After that we went to a nice bar where he bought me cocktails, and we just sat and talked all night.

During that talk, and afterwards as he grabbed my hand and held it as we walked to the car (again, TH is one of the least affectionate people I’ve ever come across, so this was quite a surprise), I realised something.

Most of my insecurities have to do with my disbelief that he has feelings for me and that I’m his one and only.

Why am I blocking this? Why can’t I believe that he cares so much about me?

He’s constantly trying to prove to me that he does! Last night is the perfect example, and the other day when he told me how nice I looked, and the tight, loving hugs.

I can now see why he feels so frustrated with me. Yes, he’s not yet brave enough to say the dreaded “L” word, but he is showing me in so many ways that I am who he wants.

So why don’t I believe him? It’s not like he’s out picking up other women, and while he has lots of female friends, he’s never gone there before, so why not now?

Maybe it’s because I’m 9 years older and I’m wondering what a guy his age would want with a woman my age?

I probably need to dig deeper here, but what I do know is that he’s going to get sick of constantly trying to convince me eventually… so I suppose I’ll start with reminding myself of all of the things he does to show me how much he cares.

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 5:15pm
668: Annie says:

Rori says.

“The fastest way to heal this situation for yourself is to focus on yourself, on raising your self-esteem and making some decisions about what it is you really want.

Focus on the big picture – on wanting the kind of relationship you want, instead of focusing all your attention and energy on this one man.

Either he’ll step up to the plate and become the kind of partner you truly want, or you will meet another, much more mature and better man, who’ll know how to treat a real woman.

Knowing how to do this requires some new skills and new attitudes.

There is a way to shift a man’s ideas about what he can and can’t do without losing you.

And trying to talk him into or out of ANYTHING is the LEAST effective thing you can do.

In fact, it NEVER WORKS.”

Also Rori asks is this tolerable to you.

If it isn’t then he will either have to step up or find another woman who will tolerate that.

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 5:17pm
669: Annie says:

Aww Lilibee. Lovely story.

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 5:21pm
670: Radlove says:

blooming,

540 – Somehow my birthday graphics got corrupted. But if you google happy birthday graphics, you can find a bunch of stuff for free to save and paste.

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 5:29pm
671: Miss Bells says:

and now I am going out to this MeetUp–a house concert in my neighborhood– and the jacket I wanted–the brown leather bomber–is UP THERE. At the other house…
So I guess its the black blazer with the leopard trim at the collar. Hmmmm.

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 5:29pm
672: Memulo says:

Everyone,

Thank you so much, I feel so supported and loved. I did not call him. I felt so upset and in need to do something that I decided to go to a store to buy stuff for a party that I am hosting on Sunday. I am going to cook a lot of nice things! it’s not a big party, about 8 people, but still I was looking forward to seeing them. As a side note, I did not have a chance to invite him because we didn’t talk since last Sunday. So he doesn’t know this is happening. Well, it is what it is.

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 5:31pm
673: Miss Bells says:

#667
I am a big fan of NOT TALKING about it till it’s time.
Which is when he asks and is LISTENING.

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 5:32pm
674: Miss Bells says:

#671
Memulo
Could you consider not inviting him?
It could be something just for you.
If he knows about it and wants to come-can’t he invite himself?
HS has no problem inviting himself…

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 5:36pm
675: Daria says:

Radlove – oh i was feeling excited to hear you were CDating! yayy practice

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 5:42pm
676: Memulo says:

Daria, yes, I felt angry and humiliated. I felt angry. So perhaps my line is:

I saw you on a dating site. I feel turned off.

and then to stop and listen.

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 5:43pm
677: LiliBee says:

Wow. I thoroughly enjoyed your story BW!

What a vibe you have goin on girl!

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 5:43pm
678: Memulo says:

Miss Bells,

It is done. He doesn’t know about it and not invited because we didn’t have a chance to talk. I don’t expect to hear from him before the party to be honest.

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 5:45pm
679: LiliBee says:

667:

Annie,

I’m outta time. I read your post quickly.
It really cought my attention.
I’ll be coming back to read it thoroughly.
But, geee it speaks loud to me.

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 5:46pm
680: Daria says:

thanks Belle !

mmm i feel scared…

i feel judgemental and scared and a part of me closes off when i hear negativity

and my heart feels sinky

what if i felt all happy and amused and open ?

but i feel OUCH

hmmm

i feel laughter but its fake over the ouch

hmmm

ohhhh sometimes i DO feel compassion and a soft smile of love to myself with acceptance when i notice them

but with some theres a tightness of the heart under it

hmmm

thers a trauma there

i want to heal this!

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 5:48pm
681: Memulo says:

Miss Bells,

Wanted to let you know that your ‘sirens don’t explain’ really helped me tonight.

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 5:49pm
682: Daria says:

what if it was ok for them to be sad

waht if it was ok for them to be suffering

what if it meant we are healing?

they are healing?

hmmm

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 5:49pm
683: RiverGirl says:

Miss Bells, I haven’t commented before on your situation with HS but something that keeps jumping out at me as I read your posts is that you say you dont’t want friends with benefits with him but I wonder…isn’t that exactly what you Do have? Just that the benefits aren’t sex; they’re companionship, validation, cuddles etc. He is getting many of the benefits of a relationship without any commitment. He could go on like this indefinitely it seems? I don’t know, does that resonate with you at all?

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 5:50pm
684: Daria says:

feeling sleepy

thank you Daria for brushing my hair

i so apprecite that i feel well taken care of

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 5:51pm
685: Femininewoman says:

Wow LiliBee if only we could CHOOSE to make up good stories. Look at that!!!! For some reason I believe D is a good man. Keep looking for the opportunity to make the leap of faith.

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 5:54pm
686: Memulo says:

Annie, SA,

I am reading your words to me and I realize that I need to process them because they don’t come easy to me. SA is saying that if we express ourselves in FM’s it may prevent a situation from getting dramatic and irreversible.

I just feel so caught in the moment that I expect the worse and think I HAVE to walk away. And maybe I do, but there is a chance it is not my only option. I have to admit that when challenged I feel like a doormat if I don’t make a tough decision. And again maybe I am a doormat, but I often make tough decisions when I am not ready for them really. Not in dating, but other aspects of my life.

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 5:56pm
687: Daria says:

Memulo – yes. I’d use a direct “I feel angry” and then turned off as my second round communication.

it feels more gut level truth to me.

i see that maybe theres a pattern of wanting to avoid that vulnerability. “i feel angry and humiliated” would also work

sometimes i used a tool where I prepare by just pretend im gonna speak to the blog here and what woudl i Really say,

and then get brave and turn around and say just that (FMs) to the man

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 5:57pm
688: Ulii says:

Ok…
I finally decided to go no contact on my Unavailable CD. I just don´t feel good about the situation & seeing the harm it does on my emotional wellbeing & self-esteem, it would be the best solution.

I left him a (not perfect) note with some FMs in it & said I´m stopping the online contact, but I´d feel glad to receive some mails about how he´s doing every once in a while, but not feeling capable of more contact until he´s single again or after I have overcome the attachment I feel towards him.

But… oh my!…hoy complicated it is technically…all this msn, hotmail, skype, facebook & dating pages.The deleting & blocking seems to be like high level science to me. Feeling really dizzy & sleepy and not understanding much. Like how to delete him from msn so that we could not see eachother online, but still not block him so that he can send me an email if he wants. I feel so powerless with new technologies sometimes.

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 5:59pm
689: Memulo says:

Daria,

I sometimes feel at loss for words. I don’t always know what my truth is except for hurt, at least for a few hours when I feel angry and crying.

You feel that ‘turned off’ is too strong? What is the second round of communication?

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 6:01pm
690: Miss Bells says:

#682
Rivergirl–Yes it does.
And–I REALLY MISS THE SEX!!!
If it weren’t for all the ambivalence, social mores, and commitment needs I would JUMP on it.
And I can’t just get it somewhere else….
Ya know what I mean?

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 6:08pm
691: Memulo says:

My situation with him is complicated. we haven’t been intimate for a while. We sleep together and it is as affectionate as he can get, but not more than that. I think it is his situation and the pressure he is under. He feels very bad about it. I try not to feel that it’s about me. Truth is that I don’t know. there was time when he couldn’t get his hands off me.. he thought I was beautiful. Sometimes I feel humiliated by this too.

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 6:08pm
692: Memulo says:

I am pretty.. and sexy. maybe not to him anymore? Though maybe it is not about me.

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 6:21pm
693: Ulii says:

((((Memulo)))))

You totally are!!!!

(Sorry..just going through last posts quickly before heading to bed…but just wanted to send a hug)

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 6:24pm
694: Mel says:

Memulo,

Many sirens know this but the dating site thing happened to me early on in my relationship. It felt immensely triggering because my ex husband was on dating and hook-up sites while we were married.

Anyhoo…

I think before you say ANYTHING, you have to get clear on how you really FEEL.

For me it was ANGER! I feel hot and clammy and jittery and I want to run.

Why run? Because I don’t want to be around this situation again. My heart will hurt too much.

Ok… I DON’T want any man I’m sexual with to be dating others.

Yes, ANY man… it doesn’t HAVE to be him. Yup, that’s my boundary. That’s why I’m feeling angry.

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 6:30pm
695: Femininewoman says:

Memulo most women would feel humiliated. The inner questioning and doubting drags down your vibe. Though you might be pretty and sexy if you are not “feeling” sexy aand pretty he won’t be able to feel it either. Those feelings spill out in your words and vibe.

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 6:36pm
696: Miss Bells says:

Memulo–
That is how I felt at the beginning of the Trailer-girl episode in early July.
But I didn’t. I am kinda glad I didn’t b/c I have had time to work a lot of things out, and I am a runner.

But now– I am leaning towards a complete break.

If i don’t i am tacitly accepting his behavior.

And it will never change.

Maybe he won’t come after me, but if so he never would have anyhow, and I will heal with time.

This is unbearable as it stands.

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 6:39pm
697: LoveAlways says:

I feel strong reading your boundary. It makes me feel happy that im not the only one who feels that way.

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 6:40pm
698: Vi says:

540 Bloom-ing, Birthday Sparkles weren’t from me, sorry … and – somehow after reading the comment I envisioned .. what if my presence, just my being, would literally make people’s eyes and hearts sparkle .. with different emotions .. and everyone would be so beautiful in their authenticity .. ! and judgement-free .. And these sparkles would sparkle the air around us … like fireworks! woohoo! I feel smiley and magical!

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 6:56pm
699: Memulo says:

Mel,

So did you pick up the phone and call him to clear things up?

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 6:59pm
700: Memulo says:

LoveAlways,

What are you talking about. You told us you were happy and in love. In my book you are:)

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 7:03pm
701: Memulo says:

Miss Bells,

You feel very strong and grounded to me. I trust you will take your time and make the best decision for you.

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 7:07pm
702: Vi says:

I notice this picture also feels a little scary to me .. But exciting!!! hmmm Sparkling Goddess … but I feel like I have to make some more growing before the ‘gown’ of Sparkling Goddess would fit like a glove … My precious self has to grow a couple of ‘sizes’ up to feel comfortable ‘wearing’ it …. baby steps .. though I CAN imagine myself in it … Sparkling Goddess … hehe .. and I love sparkling accessories!!

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 7:07pm
703: Vi says:

Hey! I want the World to be and feel safe and sparkling! And I feel disappointment when smth which I do not perseive as ‘safe’ or ‘sparkling’ happens … I feel disappointed watching news about wars or disease break outs .. I feel sad and upset …. and powerless … and insecure …. and I want to love this World the way it is …. with all its ‘imperfections’ …. me judging the World as ‘imperfect’ …. me judging myself for judging the World .. sad sigh … I feel vulnerable in this World … sad sigh and teary eyes …. okay World I feel sad right now but maybe I could try to drop my expectations I’ve put on you and try to melt into you …. I am also not ‘perfect’ after all ….. or I am perfect with my ‘imperfections’ and so is the World …. too much thinking … feeling overwhelmed .. I ‘ll just stick to feeling vulnerable for now … thank you.

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 7:11pm
704: Memulo says:

On Tuesday I sent him ‘kiss you’ text. It was a tough day for him and i wanted to support. On Thursday(!) he wrote something about the ex creating a big problem again, which did not sound like a big problem. No asking out, no how are you. I did not respond and he didn’t contact me again. There is a big chance I won’t even have to deliver the speech, he will just go for someone else?

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 7:12pm
705: Vi says:

I want men to make this world feel safe and sparkly to me Thank you

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 7:22pm
706: MissStix says:

Memulo

I wonder if it might feel better for you to shift that thought “He will go for someone else…” to “He’s just not in the mind space to really go for anyone…”.

I’d stake a lot onthe fact that he is not ready, and no woman he dates at the moment will get his full attention.

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 8:48pm
707: MissStix says:

Hmmm…and I feel curious about this “problem” with the ex not really sounding like a big problem. It makes me think “hmmm…This guy sounds very wrapped up in his problems.” and yes, I think memulo deserves to have a man wrapped up in her and I don’t think this means shutting the door in this man’s face. But I conjure daria saying “I will step back now…” and to me that looks like a sigh of relief for memulo. Because she doesn’t have to shut any doors. She can simply open all the windows in her life and let in some fresh air!

I wonder, what do you think of that energy and do you feel secure to sink into something like this memulo? How do such visions feel to you?

Hmmm…I would really love to read you type out a vision/feeling post! If it would feel good to you…Even if it’s all negativvy

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 8:57pm
708: Heart says:

# 573 Smile – I just feel Bad about the whole thing.

Daria- you’re right….this guy is triggering me – I feel tight…I just find it hard to get over the money thing, the FB pictures, the lag in communication and his lack of energy.
He is showing up and asking me out but I feel no Interest from him. It’s almost like He doesn’t even like me and the vibe is more friend-like. Ick.

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 9:38pm
709: Butterfly Wings says:

268 (((LiliBee))) – You’re doing what I do sometimes – making up stories in my head.

What if he is being honest? Can you choose to trust for now? That’s what I am TRYING to do with TH! :-/

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 10:05pm
710: Butterfly Wings says:

289 Memulo – is that a dealbreaker for you?

I told TH right at the beginning that he is free to date other women, but if he was planning on doing so, then I’m not interested.

So yes, it’s a dealbreaker for me.

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 10:11pm
711: Heart says:

#582 – Ms Stix …yeah I’m angry…I guess my fear of abandoneent got triggered by his absence and I fee unsafe nd want to lash out.

Anyway – I agreed to go out with him. I also said meeting closer to my part of town would feel good. I feel at ease.

The not going message was making me feel tight in my chest.

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 10:22pm
712: Butterfly Wings says:

Oh! While TH and I were talking last night, I told him how vulnerable I feel where he is concerned.

He said “So you’re saying you don’t trust me…”

And I can see how he could have come up with that interpretation. If I feel vulnerable, then I am scared he is going to hurt me. I don’t trust that he wants what’s best for me….

How did I not see this before?

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 10:22pm
713: MissStix says:

Mmmm having a very nice, quiet night with the man

He’s got a man-cold (lol) and we took a 3 hour nap. I got FM’s flowin’ free! We even had a nice little chat about our exes. It felt like a nice opportunity to express how I feel much stronger now and how i’ve let go of a lot of my old control issues and trust issues. So I expressed that.

We took a drive to pick up his “new” turntable and now we’re rockin’ some classic vinyl!

Right now i’m hearing “If you don’t love me now, you ain’t never gonna love me again…” mmmm! Good song.

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 10:26pm
714: MissStix says:

mmmm “sunshine only happens when it’s raining! players only love you when they’re playin’…”

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 10:27pm
715: Butterfly Wings says:

LiliBee and Siren Angel – don’t you think it’s kind of strange that we’re all in a kind of similar situation, and we’re also around the same age?? I wonder what the message is in that??

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 10:33pm
716: Butterfly Wings says:

454 T-Girl – Yayyy!!! I feel so happy for you! It gives me hope!

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 10:35pm
717: Butterfly Wings says:

529 Memulo – thinking about him is leaning forward. You do a lot of that. xxxx

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 10:41pm
718: Butterfly Wings says:

I stayed at TH’s house last night, then when I left I assumed I wouldn’t be seeing him again until tomorrow morning because we’re going down the coast.

Earlier he asked me to forward an email to him, which I did when I got home. The email was about a specific ab workout I want to try and I was asking him if I’d have time to do it at the gym tomorrow (we’d also arranged to go together) or if I should just do it tonight if there wasn’t time.

He then suggested that I join him at the gym tonight.

So it looks like I’ll be seeing him yet again!

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 10:56pm
719: Turquoise says:

Hi Sirens,

I only made it to the low 500 posts, but I can barely keep my eyes open. Thank you Mel, I agree with everything you said, and surprisingly, had a similar conversation wth Mr. Conversation tonight, about finding my prize to focus on.

I realized through talking it out with him, that a man has been my prize. My dreams were tied to C’s dreams, and when he left me, he took those with him.

I do enjoy my candy business, love the extra holiday money and it’s a creative outlet, but I don’t see that ever becoming my full time job. I need to sit with the idea of waht I really want to do. I don’t want to keep starting my career over again.

Hobbies take time, and my girls have been getting all my free time. I need to work on that. I need to be a priority to myself.

My talk with Mr. C was very eye opening and I cried a little, in the middle of a football game. He shared some things with me that felt like criticism, and thngs he wants to me to change about myself, that I feel are part of my personality. But they aren’t. They are reactions and defenses, being bitchy rather than talking something through or being straight forward. Passive aggressive that I pull back, get quiet or want to leave rather than talk something through. I tend to expect the worst in an argument, that things are over, even when they aren’t. I partially feel frustrated because I don’t want to deal with these kinds of converstions, I just want to relax and be in the moment, have fun…. but the other part of me sees I do still have a lot of work to do on myself, and he’s not letting me skip over or avoid it. He seems to see right through me. Part of me doesn’t understand why he sticks around if he can’t figure me out, as he says. But he says I’m 99% awesome, and 1% that triggers him and reminds him of crazy women. When I said I didn’t know if I could change, he shared with me how ifferent he used to be and with therapy, if he could do it, anyone can. But if I want to. And that if we could communicate straight forwardly, all the time, how amazing things could be for us. All I could think of was being vulnerable and using feeling messages, and that it couldn’t be any easier than to apply all I’ve learned, unfortunately, most of it as stuck in my throat. When I get teary, my voice cracks, often starts me crying more, and we were in public, our kids were there. I wanted to pull it together. What started me crying in the first place, he said he sees something tortured in my eyes, and feels that is why I’m still single, it holds me back, that I need to figure that out and heal it.

I have so much on my mind. I don’t know exactly where to start, but I guess I need to find a dream that isn’t about a man at all. Something that is for me, not something anyone else could take away. I told him I want a new car, but he said I could get that in a few onths, and then might lose my motivation. HE said I need a long range plan. Do you ladies have that? KNow where you want to be someday?

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 11:09pm
720: Butterfly Wings says:

665 LiliBee- OMG yay! Sorry, still trying to catch up, so if my other posts aren’t relevant, please ignore them! lol

Soooo glad you changed the story and it worked out as it did – that is EXACTLY what I should be doing and what my therapist suggested too.

Woohoo for you!

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 11:26pm
721: Butterfly Wings says:

684 FW – Yup I believe D is a good man too.

In fact, most are, but many are just plain clueless and have their own healing to do I suppose…

Friday, 21 September 2012 @ 11:27pm
722: Heart says:

memulo – ((memulo)) ….are you ready to walk from this now? The sign is changing….get your dancing shoes on…
Maybe the lesson here is that you need to love yourself more

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 12:01am
723: MissStix says:

I don’t like jealousy.

I don’t like feeling that way.

And if you’re like me, you were brought up to feel jealous. I was taught and told pretty much that if someone else had something, then I couldn’t have it. It was either them or me.

And at the same time, we women have been slammed from birth for being “competitive.” Competition has always been the realm of men, and as we women are breaking through and creating incredibly satisfying lives in the world of work and careers, it’s getting even harder. We want to succeed, but we don’t really, deep down want to do it over the dead bodies of others – especially not over the dead bodies of our men.

What we want is for EVERYONE to be able to win. Except there’s only one person in each job in each company, only 2 senators per state, and only one actress getting the lead role in one move. There’s no way to NOT compete. And so there’s no way to NOT feel jealous.

Of course – another way to look at it is – “That job wasn’t meant for me,” “I’m supposed to be doing something besides being Senator or President,” (a lot of pain and competition around that this year) or “There’s something coming around the corner that will be even better.”

And this may be true, but that doesn’t make it any less painful. Especially when it’s about love.

When someone else gets your man, it feels like a thousand knives being stuck in your heart. And all the high-minded thinking about what’s meant to be sounds hollow, and you just want to hit the person saying it (even if it’s your own brain).

So let’s try this:

When you feel it, say it. Write it down. Like this: “I feel jealous.” And then… “And it feels awful.”

And then…”So what?” And “Yayyy…I can FEEL!”

Instead of FIGHTING our jealousy, we have to find a way to move past it – into a place where we can gather our energy, our anger, our fear, and our jealousy, too – to create a NEW opportunity to have what we want.

That’s it – a new opportunity. A fresh start, a new perspective, a new place, a new company, a new man.

And the amazing thing is – and all my clients experience this – when you focus on the NEW, on the FRESH, on making each moment count as if it’s got a great surprise gift ready for you to unwrap, the OLD starts creeping back.

It creeps back sometimes to pull our attention and drag us back into the mud of yesterday, or it shows up a something NEW. I’ve seen OLD men turn into NEW men. And I’ve seen OLD men show up as messengers to let you know for sure that you’re now in a PERMANENTLY new place, thank you very much.

First step to the New is always to feel what you’re feeling. No denial, no shoving under the rug, no pretending.

Love, Rori

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 12:37am
724: Tam says:

I’ve got to read back on the blog, have missed soo much!!
I am happy to report that I have not been thinking about any man in particular for the last few days…. a little bit about MrP and some CD’s but just like a passing breeze, as I was taking good care of myself.

It feels so freeing. BaldCD, the Brit, said he couldn’t make it after all on the days I gave him (as I can only do weekdays right now), and instead of being disappointed, I thought ‘phew, good, more time to get myself sorted’.

I feel super good right now. Perhaps I don’t need a man at all right now or in the immediate future…especially since I have so many other things to sort out in my life….hmmmmm….interesting thought. I actually do feel better living in a straight line rather than with the rollercoaster I have with some guys, from ‘wonderful’ to ‘dreadful’, or them not wanting to commit or whatever.
I feel like ‘ok, maybe I don’t want to commit, because there are so many options and the rest of my life is actually very important for me’.

Hm!

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 12:42am
725: Butterfly Wings says:

I’ve watched this before. Lots to learn from another perspective about control and respecting needs…

http://getrmt.com/n2.php?utm_source=iContact&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=Robbins-Madanes%20Training&utm_content=

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 12:45am
726: Smile says:

Wow! I’m inspired by visions of antartica this morning! I want to see penguins! I’m full of ambitious feelings this morning!

One life!

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 1:02am
727: Smile says:

Tam, leaning back in thoughts feels great!!! Off for my countryside walk today, taking in the beauty and freshair! Looking after me!

Also got 2 more viewings now before I go, fingers crossed. I want to move!

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 1:05am
728: Butterfly Wings says:

About 40 minutes in, Tony says something about if you f*ck it up and he still loves you, then you think he really must love you, hence why you constantly get into “fights” with your partner – so he will keep proving to you that he still loves you.

I do that with TH. I keep trying to run away and ending it, and because he keeps talking me out of it, then he must really care for me…

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 1:09am
729: Tam says:

Oh Smile, enjoy your walk, I am off into town now..and keeping my fingers crossed for your showings

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 1:21am
730: Memulo says:

I’m thinking that may not hear from him. Maybe better to text that I saw him on the site and feel turned off.

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 2:56am
731: Memulo says:

I did not respond to his last complaint. He knows Im not happy and possibly don’t trust him. And he is silent. Not a good sign.

Omg on Sunday we were so close and he was so attentive and loving and present! Took me to service.. Was saying that people he knows can be there, but didnt see anyone. He was obviously proud of me and my looks.

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 3:18am
732: Memulo says:

Heart why are you saying the sign is changing.. it breaks my heart

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 3:25am
733: Siren Angel says:

eharmony, POF, okCupid? what do you all think?

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 4:22am
734: Daria says:

My hair is so beautiful milk chocolate brown

I love when I see my reflection and I gasp in awe

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 4:24am
735: Daria says:

Memulo – you’ve said you think you won’t hear from him several times over the past month . To me this is a pattern I would explore and heal

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 4:26am
736: Daria says:

Memulo – you’ve said you think you won’t hear from him several times over the past month . To me this is a pattern – of thinking – I would explore and heal

Inside awareness helps so much.

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 4:27am
737: Laughing Goddess says:

http://m.soundcloud.com/aperfectdayfor/apparently-feat-katie-gray

Yummy song I want to share!

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 4:29am
738: Daria says:

Was feeling teary eyed over my beauty
Mmmmm

Now feel a bit upset and tugged at my heart

Mmm

My heart is in my chest , beating powerfully and calmly for me.

Warming my torso and pelvis

I notice I feel tight as I feel afraid to feel loud joy,

I will be chastised or others will rush to ask panickedly what’s going on

Sigh

I want to heal this

Mhgm

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 4:31am
739: Laughing Goddess says:

Memulo: I notice that you said he knows you’re not happy and I wonder why you have so much invested in this one man that isn’t even making you happy.

I do understand. I know I was brought up to be very loyal but right now your loyalty seems misplaced. I would so love to see you committed to your own happiness and not giving this guy an ounce of your mental energy unless he is in front of you showing you a good time.

I also truly believe that you can’t say the wrong thing to the right person, so all this worry and questioning over should I say this, should I say that, seems irrelevant really.

I don’t believe that this is what love feels like. You seem like a sweet, smart, beautiful woman and I feel so bummed seeing you driving yourself crazy over this guy. :-/

(((Memulo)))

There is something better out there for you. You just gotta let it in.

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 4:36am
740: Siren Angel says:

BW @711,

When I use the word vulnerable, M has commented back many times with the word insecure. I had to explain the different feeling it invokes in me.

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 4:37am
741: Siren Angel says:

LiliBee,

So happy for you all turned out good. D sounds like a really good man making a really honest effort to be his best with you.

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 4:39am
742: Siren Angel says:

BW,

Your story from last night feels powerful! Oh the power we have over men when they feel another man around us!!!

I woke up this morning thinking about all my past relationships and how when another man was around, they would ALL step up immediately.

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 4:40am
743: Laughing Goddess says:

It’s 4:30 in the morning here and I can’t sleep. My sleep schedule has been turned upside down. I’ve been going to bed super early and getting up super early, which would be fine except for I’m supposed to play a show tonight, our biggest show yet, and we go on late and I dunno how I’m going to do it.

Oh ya, I can do anything. I almost forgot for a second.

Everything’s gonna work out just right.

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 4:44am
744: Laughing Goddess says:

Siren Angel 740

True that!!!

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 4:45am
745: Siren Angel says:

BW @714,

“LiliBee and Siren Angel – don’t you think it’s kind of strange that we’re all in a kind of similar situation, and we’re also around the same age?? I wonder what the message is in that?? ”

Yes, and to be honest it feels a little scary. I believe we are mature enough and have enough experience to choose ‘good’ men. I wonder sometimes if it’s the man’s age that also makes them take more time to committing to one woman, because they also become ‘pickier’ with time. There is a different dimension here than when we were in our 20s or 30s. We also want this to happen NOW, well because 40s are a great age to marry for LIFE! And there is the ‘time’ element. Although there are so many women now marrying much later in life, it seems to me that 40s must be the instrumental years for really building again a new marriage /relationship that ‘sings’ while we are still ‘prime’. Oh, that feels a little raw… But honest.

Honestly, I believe I am in my best years and I want to spend them with the man of my life.

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 4:47am
746: Siren Angel says:

But I know of so many women past their 40s, 50s and 60s that find the real love of their life, and the best man ever, later and get married! There is hope for ALL of us. There is that one man out there for each and EVERYONE of us. Especially that we are Sirens. We can weed them out and express ourselves authentically. Nothing can stand in our way. This is POWER.

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 4:49am
747: Siren Angel says:

I was feeling a little low and sad last night about spending the weekend without M and his kids. Well, because we are not seeing each other when we have the kids right now.

But this morning, I feel hopeful. I want to take care of me and my kiddie FIRST. His time without me is HIS loss. It still feels sad but I also feel Serene about it.

Time to focus on having a lovely, Sireny, weekend. Go to places with kiddie were I could possibly meet single dads. Post a profile. Take are of my body by eating yummy healthy foods, doing yoga (with kiddie, he loves it!), sorting my clothes maybe.

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 4:52am
748: Siren Angel says:

Take *care of my body and feel healthy and beautiful.

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 4:53am
749: Laughing Goddess says:

Siren Angel: I agree. I’m starting to think that getting attached to a man and settling into exclusivity before we truly have the relationship we want, is at the root of a lot of the problems we women have with men. Cd-ing is starting to make more and more sense to me.

And also looking at our own blocks to intimacy.

My kitty is sitting next to me, purring loudly and that makes me feels so happy. Also I am really craving biscuits and gravy at the moment. Random, I know, but I just had to say it.

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 4:56am
750: Laughing Goddess says:

I’m feeling inspired to sign up for a 5 week painting class that is being offered in my town. I feel excited and a little nervous.

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 5:02am
751: Siren Angel says:

Laughing Goddess, Sirens,

I have sunk deeply into my feelings about posting a new profile, and what I came up with is: I’m scared I am sending the Universe the message that I want another man to show up. And that therefore the Universe may shift everything. I have to move past that fear and the way I did that was reflecting on EVERY past romance and relationship and how EVERY TIME, when I want to move towards a new man, my current/ex man shows up again. My fear was in unsettling some divine balance, shifting something. When in fact, something needs to shift to change the CURRENT state where I am the one leaning forward and he is the one leaning back, just taking what I offer freely. If I can remove myself or move back from that energy bubble, then as we are all connected, yes something shifts Universally and he will either move forward or away, but most likely move forward first in reaction to the shifting energy.

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 5:05am
752: Laughing Goddess says:

I am now officially obsessing over biscuits and gravy and the restaurant doesn’t open for two more hours. Hmmm, I wonder what else I could eat that would satisfy my body?

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 5:05am
753: Siren Angel says:

Laughing Goddess,

The painting class sounds inspiring! It is something I would love to take up one day. Currently, I am very involved in doing yoga daily. But I would love to learn to make jewelry or paint to express my creativity more. I would also love to take a dance class, preferably salsa. Maybe I will do just that!

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 5:07am
754: Laughing Goddess says:

SA: Yes, yes, I think the key is to focus on the relationship we want and not tie that to a particular man and we will be pleasantly surprised by what the universe lines up for us.

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 5:10am
755: Laughing Goddess says:

SA: yes! My heart lit up reading that!

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 5:11am
756: Sirenity says:

SA ..the 50′s feels even better for finding marriage that “sings’ !
I have just bid farewell to school days for my sons , and feel sad and vulnerable to being alone and older .

But I also feel keen to explore more new options and experiences.

A new CD has appeared and he seems very interested in me. I feel a mix of anxiety, interest and awkwardness around him.

This is how i have felt for some years now with men since my disaster with G man. It has been very difficult to stay open and not panic, to even feel ANYTHING good around a good man .

Today he kissed me and I felt cold , awkward, embarrassed and dead inside. I smiled at him.

I am hoping some miracle occurs soon when all my good feelings are once more turned on and available to me. I know they are there somewhere . I know I can still feel excited, sexy, exultant and saucy with a man. He just needs to find the switch.

Last night I also ran into a gorgeous and very charming French man who I have been acquainted with in the past. He is divorced. My GF told me once that he is very taken with me , she could tell immediately when i introduced them. Last night I could feel his acute sensitivity to my presence (at a graduation function) . I wondered how to make my receptivity to him obvious. I did nothing except a little chit chat. I could feel some chemistry and interest with this man hiding just beneath the surface…hmmm… I think with HIM, I would have a good chance of that miracle happening.

I would love to meet him again around this very small town , so I could te
st this out.

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 5:18am
757: Siren Angel says:

Awww Sirenity, That feels so good to read!

French man does sound inspiring! I hope you meet him in your town

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 5:39am
758: Siren Angel says:

Memulo,

How are you doing? Has he contacted you yet?

What was in the last text he sent you that you didn’t reply to?

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 5:40am
759: Sirenity says:

SA , how you doing?
I hope your home has dried out now.

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 5:53am
760: Sirenity says:

Frenchman and I were both a little lost for words last night. It was that “eeeek” feeling when you just know that something interesting could happen…if only…

If only he would come and find me ..sigh.

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 5:57am
761: Sirenity says:

We are all concerned for memulo’s happiness.

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 5:58am
762: Memulo says:

SA,

I have not heard from him. The last text was: she created more chaos today. she did such and such. That was on Thursday.

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 6:04am
763: Memulo says:

Maybe a more honest way would have been to pick up the phone and talk to him, tell him why I am silent. Not do my usual ‘no contact’.

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 6:06am
764: Memulo says:

Thank you Sirenity;)

But before that text on Thursday I texted ‘kiss you’ on tuesday and only heard back on thursday. I don’t know..

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 6:07am
765: Memulo says:

He is with the boy today. My father said this ‘no talking’ can be so annoying to a man. I am so slow on making the right move, I hate it.

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 6:09am
766: Memulo says:

The problem is nothing that I do is spontaneous.. I am afraid to say a wrong thing and feel uncomfortable calling first and then I do nothing, until he contacts me.

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 6:10am
767: Siren Angel says:

Sirenity,

Thank you for your concern. My home is dry but the floors will be revarnished by the insurance company. As my home is up for sale, it sort of works out but I have to wait for the work to be done before more house visits by potential buyers. I want to rent for now because it has felt so draining to take care of this 1926 house. The roof needs to be redone now. It his a financial pit that I want to get away from facing alone. It’s a small house too so it would be impossible to live in with more kids. By renting I will be opening myself up to the possibility of a new house with the man who will step up.

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 6:11am
768: Memulo says:

Laughing Goddess, I did not mean that he knows I am constantly unhappy with him. I meant that probably since I did not respond he thinks something is off.

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 6:13am
769: Memulo says:

SA,

I admire your strength, it is a lot of work, but you are talking about it ‘constructively’. It is a very good trait that you have:)

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 6:15am
770: Femininewoman says:

Sirenity Frenchman and the “air”of him sound intriguing. What I practice is opening up and relaxing my body to signal to a man that I am open to his approach. I focus on my shoulders to drop and relax them. Wrists softened palm upwards. Leaned back physically to portray softness and femininity

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 6:20am
771: Memulo says:

Daria,

Where I live and probably in my age range most men just stop calling out of the blue. It does not matter what you had or did not have with them.

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 6:21am
772: Siren Angel says:

I only attract healthy and Loving men in my life.
I contribute to the healthy growth of my relationship.
My relationship with M is leading to Love and commitment.
I easily connect with everyone I meet.
M and I have healed the past and our relationship is stronger than ever.
M and I have bonded into a fully Loving relationship.
All of my relationships are healthy, loyal and trusting.
My relationship has blossomed into Love and compassion.
I AM in a fulfilling and nurturing committed relationship.

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 6:24am
773: Memulo says:

I was accepting last minute plans and words that he fell asleep all of the sudden because of the situation he is and that he is on medication. I did not want to add pressure, I wanted to give him love and peace. Maybe this is what I should say to him. But I don’t want to tolerate him dating other women.

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 6:25am
774: Siren Angel says:

Memulo,

Do you call him sometimes over the phone or just text?

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 6:27am
775: Memulo says:

SA,

I don’t know how you do it. Maybe that is why I am where I am.

and I still don’t know what to do. Guess I can call him tonight, once the child is gone.

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 6:27am
776: Memulo says:

SA,

Sometimes I call, not very often. Mostly replying to his texts.

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 6:28am
777: Femininewoman says:

Thank you Miss Stix for reposting that article on jealousy and competition. It seem to speak to my career situation. 3 of us sat that test this week, I was the only female. It was a case study about equal opportunity employment to improve the situation of women and minorities and what model to use in apply for federal funding. I am still at a loss as to what the grading was based on but have avoided doing the post mortem thing with supervisors. Though they have tried to show some concern aboit my emotional state. I really hate competing in the workplace.

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 6:31am
778: Ulii says:

Memulo

I´d concentrate on myself a bit more. Why is that you have to be so worried how your calling or not calling seems to him? I´d think he should be worried how his not answering would affect you. He is not more important person that you are. And his feelings are not more important than yours.

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 6:31am
779: Memulo says:

The thing is that he probably never left the dating site, but for some reason I just now decided to stress about it.

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 6:32am
780: Siren Angel says:

Memulo,

We are learning.

He always does contact you, but I agree that his tempo is very slow. There is a good chance that you will hear from him this weekend. Can you see this time as the Universe offering you some time to compose yourself before you speak with him again? I am quite sure you would not have had a good conversation with him yesterday right after seeing him on the site. You seem much calmer today. The Universe works in magical ways and maybe this ‘no contact’ time gives you time to sink in, heal and face your feelings. And the outcome will be greater.

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 6:34am
781: Memulo says:

Thank you Ulii.

Technically, it is me who did not answer last. Is it bad?

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 6:35am
782: Belle says:

Last night when I submitted my work hours electronically, I got a popup message notifying me that my assignment is scheduled to end on 09/30.
Oh, really? That’s news to me…grrr.
My stomach dropped, I feel all kinds of waves of sensations in my belly, and I just got really present with the feelings and focusing on feeling my heart beat.
What is most likely is that they want to hire me, but haven’t bothered to communicate that to me, which is typical of the place I work.
There is no way I am going to hire on there, I took the job and stayed there out of fear nearly the whole time and they really have nothing to offer me other than a whole lot of free time to get into trouble with C. I take that back, if they do offer to hire me on it will be on the condition that they have something better to offer than what I’ve been doing.
It’s a comfortably uncomfortable job, and I’m feeling a need to grow but am feeling APATHY about getting a resume updated or looking for something else.
I’m feeling a little sick of myself, because I knew this was coming and have been so busy triggering myself and occupying my thoughts with C and relationship that I am not prepared.
I feel disgusted with myself because I really felt like quitting, like it was right and perfect and had a cash reserve a few months ago, and I let a friend talk me out of it.

Ugh, I feel more waves of shame and disgust that I have been so introverted and depleted and not made better connections with the other companies I interact with so I don’t feel confident in getting hired.
My resume is so spotty…and what I would a prospective employer is, “I’ve made a bunch of mistakes and am ready to stop f*cking up my life now, thank you.”

I feel willing to be surprised.
My mind is sort of spinning, “what do I do? what do I do?”

Breathe.
Get quiet.
Listen to my heart.
Act from inspiration.
Okay, got it.

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 6:35am
783: Memulo says:

SA,

what if he feels fed up with my silence or he does have someone else and my silence contributes to the list against me and I will NOT hear from him?

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 6:39am
784: Ulii says:

@ Memulo 779

Do I understand right? You saw him on the dating site & felt bad about it?

For me that would be enough reason to feel angry & disappointed and not answer because I don´t feel like it. Not even explaining it…unless he asks later on and then just tell it.

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 6:40am
785: Siren Angel says:

M and I have healed the past and our relationship is stronger than ever.
I am in a fully committed relationship with the man I Love and whom Loves me deeply and passionately.
I intend to be married very soon because I deserve to be married now.
I intend to open myself to Love and commitment in a fully loving and trusting way.
I intend to receive the Love and commitment that is coming to me from M.

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 6:40am
786: Femininewoman says:

(((((((Belle)))))))))

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 6:41am
787: Memulo says:

Belle,
No one can feel confident about getting hired:) It sounds like you are very marketable and your future is brighter than you may feel now!

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 6:41am
788: Siren Angel says:

Memulo,

I really believe you should wait this one out. But, trust your gut, as long as you don’t mistake it for your NV and anxiety.

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 6:43am
789: Femininewoman says:

RE 781 OMG!!!!

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 6:43am
790: Memulo says:

Ulii,

But he doesn’t know why I am silent. He may think I am mad about not being asked out on Thursday or just don’t care.

Or he may feel relieved he doesn’t need to do anything about me and the situation is getting resolved by itself

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 6:44am
791: Siren Angel says:

Belle,

Can I ask, what field of work are you in?

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 6:45am
792: Memulo says:

SA #786,

I don’t know, my gut feeling last night was to wait . but now I really don’t know.

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 6:46am
793: Memulo says:

SA #783,

How do you do it? I read your story and have no idea how you go from almost a break up to a committed relationship. I feel that I will never learn

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 6:49am
794: Sirenity says:

Thank you FW.

When we met we were surrounded by family members.
I found myself sort of paralysed which made me aware of his effect on me…hmmm..intriguing.

I felt all “nervy” and couldnt think straight about what I was supposed to do..the one thought I remember was hoping not to be “obvious”in my interest ..oh dear..:)

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 6:49am
795: Siren Angel says:

Memulo,

I believe the ‘out the window’ tool would be good or you right now. Can you put all the energy and love toward planning your party for tomorrow and cooking with love baked into yummy food that you are receiving?

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 6:50am
796: Ulii says:

@788 Memulo

Of course, he doesn´t know… and if he is interested enough…he can ask you.
If he is not interested enough…then if I were you..I probably would not want him anyway.

Well.. I know he has a difficult situation. But… still, to me.. This does not justify taking you for granted at all.

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 6:50am
797: Siren Angel says:

I meant, imagine all the love you are receiving being poured into your baking or cooking for tomorrow. An offerance of some sort to your friends and to your life. An energy cycle of love, renewing itself constantly and going into your projects.

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 6:51am
798: Belle says:

789

SA
Currently I work for a garage that maintains fleet vehicles doing admin work. Mostly some data entry, A/P entry, and a few useless tasks that the supervisor has me track whenever he gets a micro-managing hair.

Every once in a while I have a full day of work, once or twice a month, but usually I have maybe an hour or two per 10-hour day…some days I have had literally nothing to do…except write and draw and surf the internet and get mixed up with C.

My experience has been all over the place – data entry, sales support, customer service coordinator, convenience store manager, bartender, massage therapist, small business owner (importing and wholesaling herbs, a retail shop and internet business), doula, copy and print center work…in different industries (food, engineering, electronics).

AAAaaarrrggghhhh….I’ve had a year and a half to learn a new skill
but really I just did not know wtf I wanted to do, I’ve been all over the place
Recently I’ve wanted more and more to go into logistics. I’m temped to a company that is owned by a major logistics company, but I don’t know if there are opportunities through my job. I will find out.

I feel so happy and so good when I am coordinating several different departments, I like being the hub.

I don’t know when I got so scared…!
When I was younger I was in more desperate straights than now but I would always feel like everything would work out for me and be okay, and it always was.
So I can tap into that..

There was a time I felt totally confident, competent, resilient.
I can see more and more how my relationship with T has been so detrimental to my health and well-being and shredded my self esteem, regardless of how much we love each other.

Okay okay okay
I can do this
I can do this
I can do this!
I don’t know what it is I’m going to do but it’s going to be something right
I’m clear, I will not hire on if it’s offered me. My soul is crying not to go there anymore. I’ve had nightmares about the job, and my ears have been horribly inflamed and itchy and painful ever since I’ve worked there because dammit I hate to admit it but that little voice has said, “quit this job, quit this job, quit this job” every day since pretty much I started working there.

Feeling calmer.
Decisive.

Going to change T’s name in my phone to “do not answer”.
My capacity to delude myself is amazing.

My relationship with ME is the most important thing right now.
Thank you life, for being so perfect!
Honestly I’d rather be a cashier at Whole Foods than do the job I’m doing now, regardless of money. I love the movement, the stream of faces, the hustle…
okay, gonna go get some coffee and bring my notebook and write and see what shakes down.

It’s also possible that the company I work for lost it’s contract and they just aren’t saying anything…that’s typical – another location shut down and none of us were notified, I only found out after the fact when I had no invoices to process for them suddenly, they wouldn’t even tell me THEN.

Or, they just don’t want me there anymore which is good too.

None of which matters, what feels good right now is feeling mobilized, hooray!

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 7:14am
799: Memulo says:

A few weeks ago he said he’d call me on Thursday, but did not and then he called on Sat night asking me for dinner. I said it doesn’t feel right, we wanted to make plans to go away and plans to meet on Thursday and then it fell through somehow and I don’t feel like going to dinner. He said he’d call in half hour and at that time he had all reservations made and car ready for me.

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 7:19am
800: Mel says:

Memulo,

When it happened, and I figured out how I was really feeling and was clear on my boundary, I expressed them. I wrote him a letter. BUT… the thing is, because I was so clear on my boundary I was NOT attached to the outcome.

“I feel shaky and vulnerable and upset right now, and I’m feeling unsure about how to bring this up… I noticed that your online dating profile is still active and I felt very protective of myself when I saw that. I’m feeling a little confused and sad. I understand if you want to date other women, and I don’t feel judgmental of that… but I choose not to be intimate with men that are seeing others. It’s a dealbreaker for me. I feel open to continue dating casually , but what I’m looking for here is a committed relationship when intimacy is involved. ”

And the thing is… I meant it. It WAS a dealbreaker. So this was not an ultimatum, and it was not inauthentic. If he wanted to date others, he was free to do so, but I was also free to make my own choices.

This would not have worked had I been so invested that I wasn’t ready to walk away.

Memulo, I honestly feel like you might benefit from CDing LOTS of men right now. You need to learn just how valuable you are. Big hugs!

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 7:19am
801: Siren Angel says:

Memulo,

I fall to my knees, I cry out all my pain. I move through the dark tunnel, towards the light. I feel at peace. I fall again, I cry again, I move through again. I feel the Universe support me. I shift my vibe through that support. I trust. I intend. I love. I take care of myself. And I trust some more. I trust myself more. I shift. I learn. I become wiser, but not more bitter. I stay soft, I keep my heart open. I never loose sight of myself. I never loose sight of what I want. I trust more. I ask. I receive.

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 7:20am
802: Memulo says:

But since then I let it slip a couple of times and accepted his ‘I need to sleep/rest on sat nights’. which makes a lot of sense after a day with the child/being watched – if it is really true.

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 7:20am
803: Memulo says:

Girls,

I somehow feel that it’s all my fault. That I let it happen. I can’t forgive myself.

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 7:22am
804: Siren Angel says:

I intend to receive fully the Love and commitment that is coming to me from M.
I am in a deeply Loving and committed relationship with the man I Love and whom Loves me.

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 7:25am
805: Daria says:

I love Daria

It’s totally ok for you to smoke and feel open about smoking or drinking or anything you choose! You are sacred magical worthy and safe !

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 7:27am
806: Siren Angel says:

Memulo,

That is your NV talking, you are over-thinking and therefore going to the worst conclusion possible. I urge you to fall to your knees and feel it fully so that you can rest in a more peaceful place when he does contact you.

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 7:27am
807: Daria says:

(((Memulo)))

I feel a bit warmed imagining that you’re really getting to touch with your vulnerability

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 7:29am
808: Mel says:

799 Cont….

Memulo,

This even happened very recently with us (the universe definitely wants me to heal around this issue) and I stated my boundary again. I told him I felt shaky and my stomach felt nauseated, but mostly I felt like putting on my trainers and running far away. He honestly wasn’t dating others (every spare moment was with me) but just hadn’t taken the time to cancel all his profiles. Right then he sat down with me and opened up every single profile and cancelled every last one. Because he said he couldn’t bear the thought of me running away. And he apologized for not having took the time to do this sooner.

The thing is, again, as much as I loved him, I was ready to walk… or RUN, actually. And he could tell I meant it.

If you can get to the place when no man is so important that you would sacrifice your boundaries, then you will have all the power my friend. The power to live a happy life regardless.

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 7:29am
809: Siren Angel says:

Mel @799,

Is this with your current man? how long into the relationship was this and how long ago? Has his pulling away pattern shifted to another form?

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 7:30am
810: Daria says:

It feels beautiful to see even though there is pain.

There’s no ‘holding it together’ with control anymore.

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 7:30am
811: Mel says:

Siren Angel,

The first instance was after about 2 months. We had just become intimate and I was feeling a little vulnerable, so I wanted to “make sure” it was only me. He had just not taken the profile down correctly.

He tends not to pull away at all, or just a day of quiet reflection when he’s stressed or something. I just go about my life and do my thing when this happens.

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 7:33am
812: Siren Angel says:

Memulo,

Mel’s story is a lot like mine too. M did had not taken the time to cancel his profiles when we got back together last winter, until I gave him a similar speech. He deactivated his profile that same weekend as the speech and was eager to let me know about it.

I urge you again to feel your pain and frustration, anger, all of it. But to remain with an open heart and talk from your truth when you are in contact with him next.

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 7:33am
813: Siren Angel says:

Mel says: “If you can get to the place when no man is so important that you would sacrifice your boundaries, then you will have all the power my friend. The power to live a happy life regardless. ”

Yup! I agree Mel! So well said.

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 7:35am
814: Siren Angel says:

Mel,

Then your story is not exactly the same, but the speech part, and his reaction after, is very similar.

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 7:36am
815: Memulo says:

Daria,

I feel curious as to why my hysterical moods look attractive to you:) I feel ashamed and terrified

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 7:38am
816: Siren Angel says:

Memulo,

Can you tell yourself that no matter what, you will be ok? That your heart is open, but that you have feelings to express to him, from your heart? Let go of the outcome, believe you will be ok no matter what. And trust.

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 7:38am
817: Memulo says:

SA, Mel,

Thank you. Now I feel scared waiting for him to contact me. I think I will call him tonight. Hope he picks up the phone

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 7:39am
818: Daria says:

Memulo – I feel attracted because I see feelings and rawness

Before it seemed all ‘perfect polished outside exterior’ thinking and glossing over. It didn’t feel as approachable or open.

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 7:40am
819: Siren Angel says:

Belle,

I am not sure where you are located, but would you feel inclined to schedule some time to work through your resume and send to all the staffing agencies in your area? Can you give yourself a time frame to do this and stick to it?

Do you tap or make affirmations? If so, I would like to see you tap for a better job and affirm a more positive work-life balance and imagine abundance coming to you in choice of jobs and income.

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 7:41am
820: Memulo says:

I am thinking if he has a date with someone else tonight I may call as much as I want

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 7:43am
821: Memulo says:

How did I get here.. do I have to be mistrustful to my core and question every word he is saying..

Last week when I brought up Sat night he said I can’t tell you how stressful it is to be with the child and watched the whole day. Should I not trust that??

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 7:56am
822: Daria says:

When I post stuff like I’m so awesome and others don’t or don’t support me out loud, I feel insecure.

I judge myself as bragging and lying and doubt and question myself if this is healthy. I imagine others thinking ‘I would Neber do that. That is so inappropriate . Hmm. She must not love herself that’s why she declares it’

Then I feel sad

I intend to heal this.

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 7:56am
823: Memulo says:

Since I waited to talk to him and did not respond my fear is that I already have my answer, so why to even call

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 7:57am
824: Daria says:

I feel angry

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 7:58am
825: Radlove says:

Daria,

821 – I see everything you post as self-healing, and it is beautiful to watch you blossoming.

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 8:00am
826: Radlove says:

Daria,

674 – Thank you, I am trying, but my second date with him wasn’t as good. Not feeling it. Just got to keep trying I guess, even tho I want to curl up in a ball.

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 8:01am
827: Daria says:

Memulo – this reminds me if a time I practiced loving my anxiety. loving theanxiety even if just a touch. Maybe just writing ‘I love my panic and anxiety ‘ even if I don’t believe it.

Because it will come back again and again for me to learn to love it and heal myself.

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 8:02am
828: Siren Angel says:

Memulo,

Stop! Give your NV a cookie. He told you he is stressed when he has the child. Do not call him. Men are usually pretty truthful.

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 8:03am
829: Ulii says:

@ 821 Daria

I love your “I´m awesome!” -posts. Although I might not always get to read them, as I´m not so often on the blog. But whenever I came across one.. I like it. And it´s rather “Oh! That´s cool, I´m glad she´s so free to share good feelings about herself Hoping to get there someday soon myself” – feeling.

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 8:04am
830: Siren Angel says:

Daria,
Your process is beautiful. I embrace it. You should embrace it. Who cares if not everybody relates to it?

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 8:06am
831: Daria says:

Radlove – ohh can u curl up into a ball physically and see what that feels like after?

I want to do this too. I often feel like curling up into a ball. I feel it right now actually.

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 8:09am
832: Siren Angel says:

Memulo,

Can you imagine sending him off on a rocket ship to outer space in your mind, but when he gets to a special ‘zone’ in the Universe, he is able to call you then because there is some wireless ‘connection’ happening in that zone. Can you keep your heart open and trust that he will call you when he is in that zone?

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 8:09am
833: Daria says:

Sigh ugh! Curling into a ball feels uncomfortable my things and Tummy feel awkward and uncomfortable and I feel like I wana pee now

Not as comfy as being in the womb

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 8:10am
834: Daria says:

Thanks Radove and Siren Angel

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 8:11am
835: Siren Angel says:

I want to be a Yoga Guru.

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 8:12am
836: Siren Angel says:

I want to be able to do all the poses with ease and pleasure in my soul.
I want smooth, flexible, beautiful limbs.
I intend to.
I intend to have pictures of myself in Yoga poses taken by a professional.
I intend to inspire and be inspired.

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 8:13am
837: Daria says:

Thank you Ulii

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 8:16am
838: Siren Angel says:

I love my beautiful long blond honey caramel tresses.
I love my beautiful big blue eyes and long black lashes.
I love the sensuality in my lips and hips.
I love my beautiful feet and graceful hands.
I love my body in all it’s femininity and gracefulness, it’s compelling pull to all men.
I love my demeanor and my truth.
I choose my words, they are beautiful and compelling and they draw men in.
I am sweet nectar that all men dream of and long to be close too and drink.

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 8:16am
839: Siren Angel says:

Ooh la la… I feel strong and beautiful and powerful.
I am amazing. I am compelling. I draw men in. I draw M in completely and fully.

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 8:18am
840: Daria says:

I feel angry!

I feel hungry for nutrition and mistrustful of the food in the fridge.

I feel ugh No! I don’t want to and sadness thinking of going out to buy done and also of getting my moms birthday cake ordered.

No I don’t want to.

Feeling rarghh

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 8:18am
841: Memulo says:

I feel I should have called last night and straightened this out. Maybe it’s too late

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 8:22am
842: Goddess Lily says:

718 Turquoise,

Did we date the same guy? I feel like I got the same story, only mine sounded more judgmental and all knowing, frequently self righteous. I felt extremely triggered by your post.

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 8:24am
843: Memulo says:

I can be very bad at lying to myself

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 8:24am
844: Memulo says:

Yes Daria, the panic does come back again

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 8:26am
845: Memulo says:

If he does date someone else will my call about the dating site help me?

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 8:27am
846: Belle says:

818

SA
Yes, yes I can totally do that. I live in a AWESOME place for employment, where the economy is actually growing so there are tons of opportunities here.

What I noticed, though, now that I’m sitting at the cafe writing stuff out, is what I’m wanting to do is ask people I’ve done intuitive sessions with to write up blurbs or testimonials. I’m remembering the seed I planted in March when I got a DBA and registered domains for “Dream Matrix Texas” (DMT for those of you who might find that funny).
I’m feeling moved to offer free Skype sessions…that will be next post…

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 8:30am
847: MissStix says:

FW

I am happy the article spoke to someone G and I had a nice convo about our exes last night and thw topic of jealousy popped up. We both agreed that jealousy stems from lack of security and trust. Although, I also like the competition facet. I do like to believe, however, that I can feel competitive, and even “lose” all without jealousy. This is something I would like to work on a bit more. Another person’s gain does not need to be my loss. If something, or someone were just right for me I would be the one to have it, or them. I like to think now, if something, or someone is “taken” from me, removed from my life, not fitting, or I am not succeeding in spite of best efforts…This is making room in my life for the right thing, or the right person.

Therw is no room for “right” if I am hyper-focused and desperate for “wrong”.

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 8:36am
848: Daria says:

Thoughts

‘of I don’t get food myself, we dont get organic food, only stuff that seems to lower my vibe’

I feel so pist !

I need nutrition!

I asked for it and didnt get it, got a bunches crap that I won’t eat like no natural chicken that’s why I feel so damn not good and my pussy juice is shown it.

So post.

My mom just came and asked me for advice and I feel a bit better.

Not Enough food!

I feel suspicious my mom is purposely not buying enough food cuz she doesn’t want me to gain weight.

But I’m doing Hardcore moving and dancing and my body Wants More! I feel like crying! I don’t feel accepted or lovedz

Ugh I feel so mad.

I Want to gain weight. I told her that. How dare people treat me this way and not honor me!

So mad.

Pffff

I want to feel loved and supported.

I feel so mad

.

That would feel like

Expanded relaxed, yum.

Mmmmm

Yum.

She said I don’t know if we can afford to wash all the sheets organic.

Feel so mad and unimportant and always fighting ugh

I Knew that would come up

Fuc”k

We’re fuck’in millionaires

Wat da fuc’k!!!
I already bough the detergent it’s fuck’in sitting in the kitchen and it cost 7 dollars!

So unsupported

I feel so mad

I feel crying in heart and pain Nd thriving pressure in head

I Loce all my feelings

I Love my huge fury

And that feels like.

Wanting to be a ball

But that want feel good! I just tried.

Fuc”kin torture!!!!!

Sigh

I do not want to do it myself.

I want someone to do if for me

I Refuse.

Fuc’k
That

I’m tired of doing it myself.

I will just stArve

I don’t want to starve.

I feel attacked and beaten up and yelled at by me

And that feels sad and dizzy and not thinking well and hangy head.

I have yummy country eggs in The kitchen from neighbor

I feel calmer

Whoa just remembered that call I missed was probably from neighbors friend.

Of well I don’t want to call it back

Also

I can smoke some mullein.

And that will give me some herbal nourishment in my blood and help my brain.

If I smoke inside I will have someone come tell me to smoke outside if they see me And act all weird and shocked I’m smokin

Ugh.

Fuchk I feel like pulling all these Nvs from the air and strangling them.

Whoa

Also I haven done my movements. That will help.

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 8:36am
849: MissStix says:

Mel 799

Thank you for saying this.

It feels urghy and a little annoying when I read a boundary called an ultimatum. I can feel the word ultimatum diminishing my right to make my own informed decisions.

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 8:41am
850: Belle says:

Sirens

I’ve been consciously developing my intuitive abilities since 1999 and am finally feeling ready to expand what I call my ‘possibilities practice’.

What I do is, using guided imagery, asking intuitive questions, gently guiding you to be in your body and feelings, I empower you to find your guru within, find your own answers, and release unconscious tensions caused by conflicting beliefs/feelings/ideas thereby expanding the possibilities for choice available to your mind.

I want to offer sessions via Skype for the next 3 Sundays (09/30, 10/07, and 10/14) in exchange for written feedback to help develop my skills and to use to promote my services.

I bring an attitude of playful compassion to my sessions and, while things can get deep when we touch those fears and cherished limiting beliefs and traumatic memories, there is always bubbling laughter and joy at the end of the tunnel.

Sound like fun?
email me at
luciddreamyogini @ gmail . com

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 8:46am
851: MissStix says:

Daria 821

I want to support you in your awesomeness. And Yes…I feel the same way.

Daria

Your awesomeness is incredible in it’s rawness and it’s polished glitteryness. All of it!

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 8:47am
852: Daria says:

Wow I just ranted and riffed

Then decided to smoke some mullein and I feel all better.

I needed some herbal nourishment in my life.

((((smoking plants))))

(((my bravery to learn mysteries)))

My trust in me

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 8:51am
853: Daria says:

Thanks Miss Stix

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 8:53am
854: Siren Angel says:

Memulo,

You are attaching to an outcome. Attach to yourself, your boundaries and your awesomeness and trust that the Universe has your back.

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 8:55am
855: MissStix says:

Oh yes…I, Stix, am secure enough today to release any conditions in my life that do not feel right, or comfortable. I, Stix, am free to release these conditions. I, Stix, am capable of speaking my truth and acting in a way that moves me foreword in a positive direction. I, Stix, trust myself to allow love and positivity to flow freely into my life and heart. I, Stix, trust myself to feel, to know, to decline, to accept, to recieve, and it is all correct. I, Stix, have the infinite wisdom of my own heart within me.

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 8:56am
856: Daria says:

Memulo – yes, and being with it with love and using the tools helps diminish it so much the next times.

You sound really desperate and clingy to thinking about this now. In a place to keep hurting yourself addictively and jump over the tools.

You will be ok even so after you trigger yourself into more pain. It’s never too late.

Maybe hurting yourself more now can be an experiment to help you get more awareness and start doing the love yourself tools.

It sounds so far like you’re not there yet.

You will get there, we all do.

It does feel scary to watch but again I just remember I’ve just seen u access some raw emotions for the first time and I felt in awe.

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 9:02am
857: MissStix says:

Hmmmm ahhh oh, thank you universe! Yes.. I must know my own heart if I am to present my heart to another and guide them through the process of learning it.

Thank you thank you for bestowing this knowledge upon me. I am grateful for this easy breezy lesson. I am grateful for the hard ones too.

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 9:07am
858: coco kisses says:

Omg yesterday I was my cheat meal day, and I went to this BBq place called Four Rivers…..it was tantilizing
It made me feel good!!! To eat such delicious food.

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 9:10am
859: MissStix says:

oh oh oh! It makes sense now!! It did not make sense before…The way to a mans heart is through his heart. Yes, true, but urgh it feels so thick and difficult because I do mot KNOW his heart! But yes…The way to a man’s heart is through my heart. Through knowing my heart. Because if I know my heart and trust it, I can trust his heart without knowing it. YES! And he can trust me with his heart because he can SEE how I care for my own.

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 9:11am
860: MissStix says:

omgosh this feels amazing! I am living through this realization consciously! Wow. It feels wide open arms, outstretched to the heavens and cool cleansing rain and warm envigorating sunshine and energetic refreshing wind and the electric charge of lightening and the harsh powerful BOOM of thunder! The planets move and shift and time and space, never ending and I am a part of this dynamic. Thoughts last night of how difficult it was to understand at first and awe and why? and oh it makes sense now!

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 9:18am
861: Daria says:

Yayy I felt my immune system drop from the oil in the food. And I felt confused cuz I had got cold pressed oil and asked my mom to use it.

So I felt ‘that feeling’ of the oil is not good for me.

And I’m like, am I trippin?

So I asked, and SHE HAD USED THE OTHER OIL!

Wow!!!!

I’m so in tune!!!!

Feeling teary eyed at my awesomeness.

Yes I really am feeding myself well with my choices, and there are actual diggs that I can sense.

Not in my head.

My mom can see this now too. She actually apologized.

I’m gonna eat some fresh organic apples (they have wormholes, so I know they’re organic lol). To detox any antioxidants.

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 9:26am
862: Daria says:

Mmmmmm I love you Daria.

And I love sunflower oil. Yummy tasting in Romanian food.

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 9:29am
863: Daria says:

I’m DeVOuring this apple.

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 9:30am
864: Daria says:

Oil and meat makes hugest diff in organic.

Esp oil for me.

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 9:32am
865: Siren Angel says:

I am an enchantress, inspiring love and beauty, and fairies never quite disappear altogether.

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 9:33am
866: Daria says:

I Want to cook a Lot and often like my friend. She doesn’t let herself go hungry. She’s so good at caring herself nutritionally that way. It’s effortless for her, cuz that’s what she does.

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 9:34am
867: MissStix says:

This feels HUGE. This shift feels big…A jump. A leap. A permanent shift. Never to go back. I feel a slight frown on my face. I can now see the other me. I can see her clearly at last and I must say goodbye to her this moment this day…She has always been worthy of light and love but she is the wrong person to accept it…She felt wrong accepting it. She did not feel worthy and therefore never could be worthy. She does not love or trust her own heart, but I do. I must let her go. She will be ok. She will survive, but I can no longer allow her to occupy space in my life. Love to her ((((Chies))))

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 9:38am
868: Siren Angel says:

I am the one and he knows it.

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 9:55am
869: Laughing Goddess says:

I feel deeply triggered by my mother right now.

I want to call her lots of really harsh names.

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 9:58am
870: Laughing Goddess says:

I don’t want to give her the satisfaction of getting me riled up.

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 9:59am
871: Daria says:

ugh this altered oil is messing with my head giving me headachy feelings

((((altered oil))))

i honor your intention to be pure healthy oil

i give you permission to transform and vibrate as that

i love you

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 9:59am
872: Daria says:

fuchkk my mom is giving my dad advice and its sounding a lil tense and this has often ive noticed lead to more anxiety making voice raising and arguing

urrgggghhhhhhh

like yesterday

ahhhhhhhhhhhh

triggereedddddd

i cant handle this

i want to like

snatch the phone from her and tell her to stop

soooo annoying

she always does this, then gets upset for quite awhile

and i feel like im an insect pinned thru the middle with a needle to a wall

totally dont know what to DO

and usually do nothing

which feels crappy

last nite i turned up my music so i didnt have to hear the convo

that helped me some

music

mm

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 10:05am
873: Daria says:

mmmm i took some teaspoons of the good oil and im feeling way more lubricated

yum

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 10:11am
874: Daria says:

yup theres yelling now

music is going back on

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 10:14am
875: Memulo says:

I got a phone call from a friend and of course I couldn’t hold it and I told her and she said – oh but it’s so hard to find someone like you. When my husband met you he told me – wow, she is a rear find. He must feel lucky to have you. Any dating site – it’s so hard to find someone even close to you.

I felt shocked.

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 10:27am
876: Memulo says:

Maybe the answer is to have a good weekend and let him come to me. given that my last text to him was ‘kiss you’ he can’t be too upset, right?

I don’t know what the future holds of course but at least I was able to finish my apple pie:_)

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 10:33am
877: Annie says:

Mel.

If you can get to the place when no man is so important that you would sacrifice your boundaries, then you will have all the power my friend. The power to live a happy life regardless.

Amen.

This is the place we have to be in and when we are pulled off balance etc, it’s getting back to that place.
And sleeping with a man who is not in love with us will have us going crazy.
A man will not fall in love with us by sleeping with us. but we will get attached to him.
So if he isn’t in love with us it can absolutely not be in our best interest to sleep with him and be exclusive in any way.

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 10:36am
878: Memulo says:

He was in love with me. He was crazy about me. Now he is making excuses to resist commitment.

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 10:46am
879: MissStix says:

today I get to give my mommy my gift of a mani-pedi so she can feel beautiful and cared for for going to my dad’s 40th reunion. Mmm I love to pamper my mom!

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 10:49am
880: Memulo says:

I somehow feel that initiating a call is chasing. Feels so uncomfortable.

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 10:50am
881: MissStix says:

It feels more loving abd personal to do it with my own hands instead of paying someone to do it.

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 10:50am
882: Memulo says:

I had to take clients to dinner. He called someone immediately and gave me a name of a restaurant that turned out to be an amazing choice. This is where I went on Thursday night. When he texted me that she caused more problems and didn’t ask me out I couldn’t make it anyway, though he didn’t know about it. Now he doesn’t even know that his recommendation was beyond great and everyone absolutely loved dinner. I wanted to tell him on Friday morning when I saw him on the site.

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 10:57am
883: Memulo says:

Mel,

Thank you. The thing is that even if you sacrifice your boundaries it will be a matter of time before he disappears.

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 11:00am
884: Memulo says:

Maybe I should thank him for this dinner?

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 11:06am
885: Memulo says:

or I should accept the uncertainty and just see what happens and respond. In the meantime trying to calm down and get back to my senses.

Is it really bad that I didn’t respond to his last text?

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 11:11am
886: Memulo says:

They do keep you around till they are ready to drop you. Like that guy who asked me for dinner for V day and disappeared before dinner because his 1st choice girl accepted.

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 11:23am
887: luzydel says:

Something happened today! I thought of all of you !!!

I went to an art-fest a friend invited me; I got there earlier than expected and waited for my friend. Then I got like three guys flirting with me; one of the was a bit forward and came to me to talk; he’s name was Mauricio (italian) he started to talk to me in Spanish and Italian and First thing I did is listen to all of you and be open; he said I am waiting for a friend also and he is late, maybe this is destiny We talked; I was open; I practice the tools of being relaxed and it was great, he’s friend came and he left and said he will check back later if was still around; did not asked me for my number and I felt me asking was too forward; but it was great practice!!! I can see what can happen when I date myself, but stay open for people to approach me… This hasn’t happened in a long time…

Thanks you ladies!!!!

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 11:58am
888: Laughing Goddess says:

885 I think that is why Rori recommends cd-ing.

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 11:59am
889: Laughing Goddess says:

Yay Luzydel!

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 12:00pm
890: Memulo says:

yes Luzydel, you sound so good!

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 12:24pm
891: Memulo says:

Maybe I should respond to his text? Or say something? and then talk about exclusivity in person?

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 12:39pm
892: Goddess Lily says:

Memulo,

Brain fart….what did he text you?

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 12:42pm
893: Memulo says:

Now I feel bad I didn’t answer the text

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 12:46pm
894: Memulo says:

Lily,

He said she caused more problems in his interaction with the child

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 12:47pm
895: Femininewoman says:

Hahaha brain fart

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 12:52pm
896: Femininewoman says:

Luzydel give yourself a great congratulatory pat on the shoulder

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 12:54pm
897: Memulo says:

I feel so scared and lost again.

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 12:56pm
898: Goddess Lily says:

Perhaps just a simple feeling message. I’m not good at FMs yet but maybe “Oh, I feel sad to hear that” if you really feel like you have to say something. I understand how you feel that necessitates a response.

Veteran sirens chime in?

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 12:56pm
899: Memulo says:

Lily,

I got this text on thursday:)

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 12:58pm
900: Memulo says:

I can say thanks for recommending the restaurant

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 12:59pm
901: Daria says:

im so scared reaching out or commenting some peoples pic that i know

my nv says

in romanian

“ce te bagi tu in seama ba. nu vezi ca aia nu te baga in seama?”

thats my moms voice i think

it means

hmm….

like

why u acting like u paying ureslef attention (like being a wannabe) . dont u see those people aint paying u no attention

grrr

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 1:01pm
902: Smile says:

Hi sirens! Just a quick check in as I’m camping! Strummingman texted me asking if I was having a nice weekend. He doesnt know my plans. I told him the fun things I was up.

I didn’t ask how he was or what he was up to…
Hm I’m just responding…

My question is… Do you think I’m doing the right thing here?

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 1:02pm
903: Daria says:

im realizing i really really belive im a wannabe

and im constantly trying to cover that up on the outside

urh

big huge deal for me

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 1:03pm
904: Memulo says:

Smile, don’t ask him, just talk about yourself:)

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 1:04pm
905: Memulo says:

I feel panicking again. Do I need to do anything, am i creating an unnecessary emptiness between us before anything even happened?

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 1:06pm
906: Daria says:

im now pouting

should i just lean back and not ever reach out or comment ?

hmmm

i want to heal ALL this

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 1:06pm
907: Memulo says:

Why Daria?

I am sure people feel flattered to see you talking to them

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 1:09pm
908: BAB says:

Ladies, do you’re guys ask you to come watch them play video games/fix cars/ or some other very guy thing? I cant tell if this is his way of saying he wants me around, or if hes being selfish in doing this? If its like him saying “hey i wanna be around you but i dont wanna have to stop what i, doing”
Any thoughts?

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 1:10pm
909: Femininewoman says:

Smile – yep

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 1:11pm
910: Memulo says:

I feel like a boring old woman who has one boring old trick – stop answering when she feels like it

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 1:11pm
911: Daria says:

so now i am beign ‘tested’ as ive been liking everyone pics and somehow NY Guy who is not even on my friends but im still in his fb group posted a new pic and its showing up on my feed.

im holding back from liking it

grrrr

i remember i was liking all his pics before

ah

triggered!

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 1:12pm
912: Femininewoman says:

BAB I see it as guys way of incorporating us into their lives and kinda assuming that we like the things they like

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 1:12pm
913: Daria says:

his pics NEVER show up on my feet

wtf

hand to forhead

this is not a big deal, im just feeling triggered

i would like any other guys pic if it was that, but i have romantic feelings still

hmm

ok i will only Respond

if he contacts me

im already imagining he will contact me if i like it, as no one else has liked it yet

so im loking for an outcome

i want to focus on me and some self care right now

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 1:15pm
914: Daria says:

wait a min i see why

czu this is his ‘musician’ page and he’s started updating it

and it’s ‘liked’ by me

hmmfff

what was that advice i gave, dont see him as an equal see him as a MAN

ok

im strategizing hardcore but its for my own good

to change my patterns

it would be so easy to just like it but

that would be my ol style

and i hear voices saying

omg just like it, youre holding back, your making such a big deal, just like it if you like it

and im NOT GONNA do it im gonna take care of Daria and he can like my photos if he likes

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 1:18pm
915: Memulo says:

Is this happenening because I asked him for help and accepted that he didn’t give any help

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 1:24pm
916: Memulo says:

I am going crazy

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 1:25pm
917: Memulo says:

Or is my best bet is just to lean back

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 1:26pm
918: lilybelly says:

Memulo~

you are making yourself crazy, girl.

Just STOP strategizing and churning and overthinking and take care of you. Simple as that.

Just stop.

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 1:31pm
919: Daria says:

Thanks Memulo

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 1:35pm
920: Daria says:

i feel reassured

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 1:36pm
921: Femininewoman says:

Daria muah muah xoxo

Such a great example

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 1:36pm
922: Daria says:

thanks Feminine Woman

aww giggly hehe

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 1:37pm
923: Memulo says:

Lilybelly, but I have to make a decision of what to do, even if it’s nothing

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 1:37pm
924: lilybelly says:

920:

Exactly what I was going to say…

Excellent example, Daria. I love how you take care of yourself..

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 1:38pm
925: Daria says:

now that i relaxed and am out of the trigger i totally get it

he did NOT lean forward toward me

his picture appearing on my FB is like if there was a big pic of him in Times Square NY and i happend to see it

it’s NOT his energy coming towards me

so there’s nothing to respond to

YESSSSS!!!!!

im so dope!!!!!

)))))

woooohhh high five

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 1:39pm
926: Siren Angel says:

Ladies,

I have a new online dating profile! I did some research, and after a lot of fumbling around the internet, found one who is for “Seeking long term relationship” with “Psychological personality test generates ideal partner description and suggested matches & high privacy level”

Although I am a little concerned as a lot of matches are in other cities! This does not announce itself well as I live near a major city. Oh well, I took the free membership for now and will explore 1 or 2 more tonight.

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 1:39pm
927: Daria says:

thanks lilybelly!

wow i feel honored…

and loved

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 1:39pm
928: Siren Angel says:

Memulo,

Stop beating yourself up!

Possibly the worse thing you can do is to call him to accuse him of something and make him feel wrong.

Please, wait.

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 1:42pm
929: Femininewoman says:

Memulo it seems you are being a great example of what not to do or be. I feel like I am sitting on the sidelines watching an old woman overdosing on obsessively talking to herself and imaging a man wanting to run away from it.

Sorry but that is my experience. I can’t imagine how a man can feel inspired

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 1:42pm
930: lilybelly says:

922:

That IS the answer, Memulo…do nothing except take care of you.

There isn’t anything TO do here..

Lean back, breathe, take care of yourself and rockstar your life. I would also examine my thought patterns here and see if there was something that needed healing.

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 1:43pm
931: Siren Angel says:

Memulo,

You don’t have to make any decision RIGHT NOW THIS MINUTE.

Your feelings are evolving. Let them mature.

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 1:43pm
932: Memulo says:

SA,

This is great! Are you on EH?

I would not invest too much time in matches in other cities. Unless you want to semi-sabotage the whole thing of course since you are with M of course:)

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 1:43pm
933: lilybelly says:

926:

You are.

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 1:43pm
934: Memulo says:

I am feeling better. I feel more peaceful and more focused on what I want and what I need. Hope this mood doesn’t go away! Need to do more cooking

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 1:44pm
935: Siren Angel says:

FW @928,

LOL Ha ha ha

Memulo, sorry, it’s just funny the way FW describes it, I had to burst out laughing, probably my first laugh today. Thank you FW. Sorry Memulo.

(((Memulo)))

Saturday, 22 September 2012 @ 1:44pm
936: Femininewoman

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