How To Stop Chasing Men Out of Fear That Nothing Will Happen If You Don’t Chase

Victoria is my client – and I got her permission to reprint some of our email conversations…really, really helpful:

First – from Rori: Victoria – it was great to talk with you – I hope it’s okay with you that I was so firm and tough on you ..this is where “coaching” is so different from therapy…imagine you’re an elite sports player out there with the ball – as your coach…I keep pushing you…

I do not like to see you repeating your old patterns that you came to me to eradicate just because you’re resisting doing the work so hard.

Some clients resist Circular Dating so much, and I sense their emotional fragility and I don’t push them, but instead try to ease them out of depression or into a better frame of mind…with you…I don’t feel fragility as much as other things that I can more easily push you past. I just feel there’s a fear-based insistence on your masculine energy – and you just don’t want to let go of it…and I just think “awareness” in the Eastern spiritual tradition will go a long, long way to help you.

Please just get Targeting Mr. Right and make the decision to “do the work” on yourself THROUGH interacting with men, so that you can “give up” working so hard when you’re WITH a man.

There really are great men out there. You aren’t bringing them into your life because you’re not used to doing and not doing what will help you relate to these men. You are still wanting what’s not good for you. This is SO totally natural – every one of my clients comes in like this, and the speed with which you move forward is totally up to you.

I just give you the Tools and teach you how to use them. YOU have to do the work. It’s like learning anything – a language (and feminine, feeling-based language IS a new language for you…), an instrument…you have to do the scales, you have to practice. Thank goodness there are so many ways now to get around men.

I challenge you to track yourself every moment…to Listen at level 2, to practice every Tool you’ve got from me so far – and do it SERIOUSLY, with intent, round the clock, wherever you are – ESPECIALLY when you’re in the presence of a man – through email, phone, or in person. If you want a step-by-step “what do I say” kind of thing – that’s in Targeting…and I’m doing scripting teleclasses, too, to help.

You can DO THIS!!!!

I have such total, absolute faith in you and your intelligence – I KNOW you can do this, and that’s why I’m pushing you.

Otherwise, I’d just listen and nod and take your money. Love, Rori

Now, from Victoria: “Hi Rori ;

So i got a knock at my house early this am, it was my guy neighbor to let me know my car got broken into…not good ….so I’m dealing with that.
I feel stressed and vulnerable of course,, i would like to reach out to the married Dr but i know i probably shouldn’t he obviously doesn’t care enough about me…. I also like my neighbor and he has told me he finds me attractive and i have been really been wanting to see him but wish that it was under better circumstances..

I feel more scared and vulnerable than other usual a bit needy i suppose , cause i feel alone and a bit desperate or in need for protection or a hug or comfort, i guess the break in makes me more needy. I don’t know how to relate to my neighbor guy. i would like to reach out to him his name is Greg but i don’t want to scare him away with my neediness at this time…

From Rori: Being upset about your car being broken into is so totally normal – did you let him see that? All you need to do is thank him when you see him for letting you know, and SHARE with him how vulnerable and upset you feel…See what happens…

From Victoria: You would be proud of me ….despite my internal anguish i got myself to the gym and later at the tea house said hi to a guy whom really was interesting and he asked me for my number…will see what happens…
And the guy at the grocery store payed for my water …a dollar but it was nice :)

Back home it still hurts ( this heartache really hurts) but i am moving along…

Rori: YAYYYY!!! You are off and running, yes, very proud..This is just PRACTICE, remember – scales, learning language…it doesn’t MEAN anything in terms of a specific man…just practice…it will make it easier for you to do…

I sent you a reply to him to use with all men like these…you have to get past ANY expectations…you just need a procedure for dealing with all this…strive to have NO investment about anything – just curiosity, and a pat and simple way to handle it all…

Victoria: boy i tell you its hard to do nothing when i guy that you met and clicked with doesnt call …i feel tempted to send a message saying that i enjoyed meeting him…No??

Rori: NO!!!!! Please, Victoria – there are SO MANY men out there!!! Please just do this Circular Dating thing and stop zeroing in on a man who isn’t hopping to you with interest. It just comes across as needy – you can’t disguise it….

Victoria: Yes , i guess is the fear that if i dont take action nothing will happen…or that he lost my number and all excuses…
Yes i am used to reaching out to men if they are not reaching out to me ….

Rori: Victoria – I swear to you this is a hurdle you have to get past. Do you go to church? Have you ever been to Unity, Unitarian, or Agape in Culver City, or studied A Course in Miracles? Remember the books I suggested by Thich Nhat Hanh and Ask and It Is Given by Esther and Jerry Hicks? This is where you need to go. This is where your WORK is…

I understand completely that stopping chasing men will cause you anxiety. It’s actually so therapeutic a thing to do that your deeper, hidden emotions and traumas will surface – just as if you were in intensive therapy.

This is “behavior modification” – and it’s under your control.

If you need a therapist, or to check in with me regularly around these emotional issues as they come up – that would be great – but continuing to chase and keep the feelings down will get you nowhere.

YES – you WILL feel scared! But it’s OLD feelings, trauma reactions – not REAL.

This is only step ONE! Get this one happening, and yes, you may feel blue and scared – but you also will start to feel more POWERFUL!! Because when you stop chasing and sink into stuff and start Circular Dating – a different kind of man will approach you, and then you’re into step 2.

I know you can do this…you just have to start. The neighbor is a perfect example of Circular Dating at work.

A man shows up.

He withdraws.

You start to chase.

You are in pain.

You chase him and push him further away.

More pain.

If you can stop this….do it:

Man shows up.

He withdraws.

YOU DON’T CARE BECAUSE THERE ARE SO MANY OTHER MEN AND BECAUSE YOU LOVE YOURSELF –

Do this – work at this – and life will change for you.

Love, Rori

I am so used to clients’ “resisting” doing the tools exactly the same way I resist myself doing anything for myself. It’s as though there’s an unwritten law for each of us about what we’re “not supposed” to be doing for ourselves.

We’re just not supposed to take care of ourselves.

Part of it is that if we DO take good care of ourselves – it’s as though we’re saying to the world that we don’t need a MAN to take care of us.

And so we are all somehow working at being totally independent and not needing a man at all, and yet feeling a need for a man beyond all else.

Finding that wonderful, lovely, calm place where we want, enjoy, have desire and some need for a man and touch and sex and companionship and friendship and intimacy –  but not so much desperation and fear that we end up pushing it all away when it shows up.

Victoria is stuck in the place where her fear of being alone is butting heads with her fear of intimacy…and the struggle plays out every minute of every day. She is as afraid of love as she is craving it.

It’s paralyzing her.

This is where baby-steps help more than anything else – and KNOWING what baby-steps to DO!

Circular Dating is an easy set of baby-steps. But it comes with a surreal quality because it’s just not something most of us have ever, ever done before.

It feels somehow “wrong” for us to be at the center of anything – certainly not a man’s (or MANY mens’) loving attention. So to be at the center of a circle of men who all want you feels odd and weird.

This is why the baby-steps, and the paperwork of Targeting Mr. Right work – because they take your mind off fear and put it to work to HELP you – work!

Instead of your masculine, “boy” energy running things and pushing men away, you get to use the power of your “boy” to HELP you Circular Date. To keep track of things. To get you out of the house. To intellectually make the case for Circular Dating while you’re doing it.

Instead of wasting your time and mental energy trying to figure out any one man – you can use your boy’s brainpower to ask yourself the questions you need to ask -

“Is his BEHAVIOR toward me what I want?”

“Is he BEHAVING” like a man who’s into me?”

“Do I feel relaxed about it all because he’s clearly into me and allowing me to feel GOOD?”

Victoria is slowly getting past her resistance – just by putting one foot in front of the other and tolerating the discomfort and disturbance and weirdness of doing something so totally new – and in service to HERSELF, instead of in service to some MAN.

She will move faster and faster toward her goal of Happy Ever After as the Tools start to work, even though she’s resisting doing them, and momentum will gather and motivate her to keep going.

Just keep going, and let me know every step you take.

Love, Rori

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875 Comments to “How To Stop Chasing Men Out of Fear That Nothing Will Happen If You Don’t Chase”

  1. 1: tallgirl10No Gravatar says:

    ”Is his BEHAVIOR toward me what I want?”

    “Is he BEHAVING” like a man who’s into me?”

    “Do I feel relaxed about it all because he’s clearly into me and allowing me to feel GOOD?”

    STAY AWAY FROM MEN WHO DON’T ACT LIKE THEY ARE INTO YOU.

    A man pulling away is not a sign you should like him more.

    Goodbye text man. Your crumbs are not my diamonds. They may be someone elses, but how you act and what I want are not aligned.

    Goodbye.

    Saturday, 12 June 2010 @ 4:43pm

  2. 2: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    ooh lovely -

    yes i fear that taking care of myself financially will make it look like i dont NEED a man… silly because i don’t NEED a man, I do WANT a man though, and yes I have some need for friendship, laughter, sex, being held, etc

    And also, now that it feels that my in person dating has been gappy – I feel that i must deal with Loneliness, DREAD of something bad and that im powerless against happening – ouch i felt that squeeze in my thigh, i love you squeeze in thigh, feeling disconnected, detached and aloof – connected to loneliness, feeling afraid of being overwhelmed, etc etc

    ohhh this feels not so good right now

    i want to feel happy

    waaaah

    i feel stuck in this place im taking msyelf too

    im getting lots of mirrors from men who dont want a job because they dont want to work for soemone else – they want to be free

    and i can sense the mind trap

    ufff

    like on one hand… i dont want to move towards something i dont want which seems less free, in order to be free

    but i think its a mind trap as in we’re holding on to this tiny bit of freedom, afraid to let go of it and go for teh BIG freedom

    like the monkey with his hand in the hole holding to the nut

    holding on to this little (I refuse to be enslaved to work)

    rather than letting go of that to the I feel free and totally successful

    Ahh i feel fear

    even though holding on to the nut is making us poorer, and exposing us to dangers of being captured and jailed, etc etc

    well lovely

    however

    is this enough to eliminate the trap?

    noticing it?

    it feels GROSS to apply for a job! I DO NOT WANT TO SUPPORT JOBBinG

    blah

    but I DO want financial freedom

    well – you dont want it hard enuf some people said

    I DO want it hard enuf grr

    i dont think its about hard enuf

    the monkey was terrified but he still held on to that nut

    gotta give it to the monkey (really) he was steadfast (really)
    but he DIED

    ouch

    more triggers

    on dying if you hold the brave course

    ohhh

    thats right im a warrior, with death right by me

    hi death

    that feels super reassuring

    aint no dread with death right beside me

    yum

    Saturday, 12 June 2010 @ 5:26pm

  3. 3: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Daria, what’s this about death? Death is an enemy.

    Saturday, 12 June 2010 @ 6:26pm

  4. 4: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Ugh! This video totally goes along with this string on the blog…

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TcSJ9StEz2g

    I felt so pathetic when I watched it! Someone showed it to me and I just don’t want to be one of those women anymore who stays between the paws of a mean cat like a helpless mouse. I want to be like Rori says and go fill my life with men.

    And, I just got a “smooch” on one of my single sites…so I am going to check it out and (try to!) stop thinking about Ryan! Yuck!

    Feminine energy….Yum!

    Saturday, 12 June 2010 @ 6:28pm

  5. 5: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Death is not my enemy.

    I posted an essay about warriorness awhiles back. It mentioned a true warrior always has death by her side and thus has the ability to be afraid of nothing.

    I feel safe and cool with death by my side

    Saturday, 12 June 2010 @ 6:47pm

  6. 6: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    “Warriors live with death at their side, and from the knowledge that death is with them, they draw the courage to face anything. The worst that can happen to us is that we have to die, and since that is already our unalterable fate, we are free; those who have lost everything no longer have anything to fear.”

    Saturday, 12 June 2010 @ 6:52pm

  7. 7: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    oh man – i started watching the video and i felt triggered… i used to think of that me being tinkerbell to peterpan with guywhohadababy… and i felt awful that they couldn’t be together (size wise)… ohhh

    it felt sad

    i want to rewrite the tinkerbell story

    i WAS tinquerbellesque…

    Saturday, 12 June 2010 @ 6:54pm

  8. 8: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    tho when i was lil i didnt quite ‘get’ her and hwy ‘she was so mean’ hehe thats good

    i feel so glad to know i won’t be putting myself in tinquerbell like impossible situations anymore

    Saturday, 12 June 2010 @ 6:55pm

  9. 9: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    aw man hello… that was me… like it was really really really how it was… oh nooo

    it feels sad!!!

    i feel sad

    i remember feeling those ways ahhhh

    its not that tinkerbell isnt beautiful, brave, magic

    its not that peter pan doesnt love her

    its that

    shes the one more into him… and hurting herself ouch

    and keeping his feelings at friends

    Saturday, 12 June 2010 @ 7:00pm

  10. 10: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    I felt so glad when I realized… wow… now I can put myself in the Wendi position…

    now I will be the girl he’s driving far to see, and taking out to romantic dinners, instead of the one who straightens his bed cuz the next girl is coming

    Saturday, 12 June 2010 @ 7:11pm

  11. 11: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    woo hoo

    and i can FEEL that he knows it

    mmm

    Saturday, 12 June 2010 @ 7:11pm

  12. 12: MizDivaDeeNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Rori

    Great new site. I love it. Just by looking at it, something different happened. I started to understand. I have read this stuff over and over again, but today for some reason it is just sinking in to this thick brain of mine. This is great stuff!! lol

    I too can relate to Victoria. Wow.
    Today is a beautiful day, I finally went outside. I have been staying inside, not wanting to go out, for some reason or another.

    Well it all began, when I was over functioning, and asked the man that I have been seeing, did he want to go to the comedy club this weekend.

    My treat.

    Here I go, doing too damn much. Of couse he said, no, he had something else to do. Boy did Diva Dee come out again, and I got jealous. I immediately accused him of going out with someone else. Oh boy!!

    But because of you Rori, I was ok after I put my foot in my mouth. (lol) I stopped myself. Instead of panicking I shared my true feelings with him. I set up boundries for myself. If he accepts it, that great, if he doesn’t, that great too. And I feel FANTASTIC!!

    Although, I have not heard from him, we usually go out on Friday night, I can’t be worried with what he is doing, because if he is not with me, I can’t worry about it. Right Rori.

    I will admit, I did have some worrying thoughts enter my head, but instead, I kept reading your blogs and your letters, and your words of wisdom.

    So do you know what I did. Today, I got dressed. In a beautiful summer, classy dress. No too fancy, just comfortable and beautiful. Even other women were complimenting me today. I got in my beautiful car, with the top down, and drove myself to the coffee house, has some ice tea, and worked on my computer. Usually, on Saturdays, I just stay home and work on my computer, I have a home based business, but now a have a new funky style coffee house to go to. just to get outside. I can go out if the sun is shining or if it is pouring down raining. No more excuses.

    And you know what that means, I have to get dressed to go outside, and I have to interact with people. I can put on some cute clothes, too.
    Skinny jeans, sun dress, sweat suit (cute ones of course), high heels, sandals, boots, tennis shoes. It doesn’t matter. As long as I feel good – good about myself.

    I got to get out of the house. My excuse was that I thought it would cost too much – that was my excuse. But the ice tea was less than $2.00 and the shop is in my neighborhood. Gas is not an issue.

    Step by step. An after that I may go further, find other coffee shop, starbucks, lounges, movies, events, museums, picnic, parks, malls – maybe I will start to explore.

    I then drove to the Comedy Club, purchase ticket, and now I am going on a date with myself. I am going to wear a cute little skirt and top, Rrrr

    In the mean time, as I was going to the bank to pick up the money, this handsome man complimented me, we exchanged numbers, Circular Dating here we come. And I have no expectations what so ever. Just a big beautiful smile on my face.

    You definately notice the difference, when you stop focusing on one man. I was so happy, and the guy could feel my energy, I was silly, and fun, and relaxed.

    All I can do is encourage Victoria and all of the beautiful Sirens out there to get out and put one foot in front of the other, as you say, have fun, be yourself, and meet other people. And sometimes those people may just be very good looking men.
    You never know what may pop up.

    Thanks for everything Rori
    MizDivaDee

    P.S. – Better go! I don’t want to be late for the show
    Comic Relief – here I come. Maybe I will get a chance to laugh at myself and not take things so dog done seriously.

    Saturday, 12 June 2010 @ 7:14pm

  13. 13: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    cuz its so easy to give it up to tinquerbell – and say yea of course she deserves the guy

    but she won’t get him… not by being his friend that way

    thank you Rori

    humphgr

    Saturday, 12 June 2010 @ 7:16pm

  14. 14: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    That internet peter pan guy married his tinkerbell and they were the right size for each other. Anything is possible.

    Saturday, 12 June 2010 @ 7:18pm

  15. 15: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    yay Miz Diva DEE!!!!!

    that is my name too!

    yum

    Saturday, 12 June 2010 @ 7:19pm

  16. 16: JillyNo Gravatar says:

    How come a new kind of man shows up? was he always there and we just didn’t notice him? or is it really like the law of attraction? (I have all of Esther and Jerry Hicks books) I feel curious about this…but I am totally experiencing this right now…I wasn’t attracting guys who were attractive or available and now all of a sudden there are a few super nice normal attractive guys and I’m just shaking my head like “unbelievable”!! ;) this is absolutely amazing

    Saturday, 12 June 2010 @ 7:21pm

  17. 17: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    the movie peter pan wasn’t marrying that tinquerbelll he was going for wendi hehe

    but who knows… maybe tinquerbell got in touch with herself and leaned back

    it can all happen FAST

    next thing you know peter pan comes around re-imaging the whole past as, i remember when i first saw you. blah blah – thats how they do it

    thats how all people do it hehe

    before i got all into guywhohadabay i was like thats my brother, then i got INTO him and i wrote him a letter about… ever since i saw you i knew we were actually supposed to be together

    lol

    so easy to re SEE

    stuff

    it can turn around on a dime

    Saturday, 12 June 2010 @ 7:22pm

  18. 18: JillyNo Gravatar says:

    yeah tallgirl10…i hope you are feeling better about your situation

    Saturday, 12 June 2010 @ 7:26pm

  19. 19: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    No, no, no!!! Peter wanted Wendy as his MOTHER!!!!! He felt very very ICKY even when Wendy wanted to PLAY at being married to him! He HATED it!

    Saturday, 12 June 2010 @ 7:38pm

  20. 20: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Wendy is the mother figure for Peter. She scolds him and tells him what to do!

    And Tink would NEVER “straighten his bed cuz the next girl is coming”!!!!

    She would pull the girl’s hair and shoot her down from the sky!

    Saturday, 12 June 2010 @ 7:40pm

  21. 21: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Well Wendi and Peter almost kiss…

    and Tinque did accept her coming in because Peter wanted her to… she didn’t leave

    but yes, she certainly would pull the girl’s hair in one way or another =D

    hehe

    anyway

    good thing im not her now

    no more suffering thank goodness

    Saturday, 12 June 2010 @ 7:49pm

  22. 22: Simply ShannonNo Gravatar says:

    Timely email. I’ve been on this blog and practicing tools for awhile now. And I still identify with so much of what feels like being at step 1. And I love myself totally and completely. Even the crunchy parts. <3

    I'm on Day 12 of the Man Fast, and I feel uncomfortable. I feel bad. I don't want to be alone and yet I know I need to feel uncomfortable to move past this. My past is jumping from man to man to man. Never spending time with just me. I went to lunch by myself today and it wasn't so bad. (Even if it was just a Subway while I was out and about. *blush*)I don't think I've ever done that before. Normally I would go through the drive through and eat alone in my car to avoid feeling uncomfortable.

    My Man Fast is an experiment. 18 more days. Feels like a lifetime. I can feel myself wanting to cave. This is just like when I feel desperate to reach out to a man. Seriously, A and Mr. Fab Kisser and Mr. Masculine Man were ALL on my brain tonight. I was doing the Wayne's World tool (aka Noise tool) constantly tonight.

    Maybe next month's experiment will be going on a date with anyone who asks (with a few constraints) just to see what happens.

    I'm thinking if I make it an experiment for XYZ amount of time, I will feel liberated to try whatever and not get stuck in finding my forever man.

    Or maybe next month's experiment will be going to a different place by myself every day, even if it's just for 15 minutes… just to see what happens.

    So many ideas…

    I still feel tense. My tummy feels hot and my chest feels tingly. And I'm having a visit with Aunt Flo. Happy happy joy joy. Grrrr.

    I don't want to be alone God. If you could just hurry up and get that message, my life would be a snap. Okay, no not really. I feel grateful for all I've got. Truly. But a man lovin' on me and telling me I'm beautiful and spending time with me would be lovely. Amen.

    Saturday, 12 June 2010 @ 9:02pm

  23. 23: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Daria,

    Ok, I see where you’re coming from with referencing death. I am with you there…people who are the shakers and movers take risks to change their lives cuz they ain’t a-sceared of death! Me is with you there, buddy!

    As long as it ain’t a death wish!

    Saturday, 12 June 2010 @ 9:17pm

  24. 24: dorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    Shannon thats HUGE about lunch cuz today i went to lunch alone and i ate in the CAR instead of going inside the fast food place while i was out and about.

    dunno i was feeling too vulnerable. i’m not usually like this..last night i went to the bar alone and sober and felt great.

    Saturday, 12 June 2010 @ 9:23pm

  25. 25: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Yah, that video triggered me too. Gag! Yuck! Me! Too forward-leaning. “Please love me! Please hold me! Please don’t leave!” I feel pathetic. I love my pathetic side. I am in process.

    I braved Match.com tonight. I have been sidestepping around on the other dating sites, and getting nowhere. I think Match is like industrial-strength dating. Real men with quality. Scary! I love my fear. I embrace myself even tho I’m scared of rejection and pain. I don’t need it, dammit! I’ve had a million tons more pain than I deserve already! I feel angry at pain! I feel angry at men who hurt women and don’t care. I feel angry at Ryan for hurting me to the core and not even admitting it was intentional. I love the angry part of myself, because it protects me so I don’t keep letting it happen.

    I dread dating. I don’t like dating. I wanted Ryan to be who he represented himself as: a loving, respectful man who treasured women. Shit, he literally worships the goddess! Don’t you think he would be a genuine woman lover?

    Brenda, reread the book, “Men Who Hate Women and the Women Who Love Them”!

    Humphphph! Like letting out air when the chiropractor presses hard between my shoulder blades and it cracks so wonderfully! Yum!

    Release…relief…letting go…destressing.

    It is about my personal growth. That is valuable. But right now it feels so much safer and comfortabler to be here on Siren Island with my lovely friends.

    I posted my profile and sent a few winks. Now I just need to officially join. I feel frustrated that I’m overweight when inside I am a slender, shapely, sexy diva. I feel tightness in my chest about the coming rejection. Hello, rejection! F you! You don’t belong here! I like who I am! My identity is not in my appearance! My identity is in my heart! I love the part of me that is fat. I accept you, fat. You are not me, but right now you are part of me. You have been served your eviction notice.

    Hello, muscles and flexible tendons! You are most welcome here! Hello shapely, sexy body! Welcome back, Slenda Brenda! Humphphfffff! Let go.

    If only Mexican food, cheesecake, potatoes, and pasta didn’t taste so good!

    Saturday, 12 June 2010 @ 9:27pm

  26. 26: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    I’m a habitual solo restaurant goer. It’s about not feeling lonely and alone. I go to a restaurant where I have interaction with people, not to mention good food. But it’s really about the social aspect of it, having been in long distance relationships most of my life. I think nothing of going to a restaurant alone! I just typically take a notebook or book, or not! Doesn’t matter to me! I feel very comfortable alone. It’s really just a matter of breaking thru a comfort zone.

    Just picture your higher power in the seat across from you! Date him! Or write a letter to your long-lost Aunt Pearl while you slowly munch down your chicken salad. You are going out to eat with her.

    I practice being graceful at restaurants. This is the path of a previous social retard who spent most of her life isolated. Yum, alone restaurant-going!

    Saturday, 12 June 2010 @ 9:33pm

  27. 27: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    You know what else is yummy?? Sitting naked at the computer. LOL!

    With the right person, you should be able to talk about sex like mashed potatoes and gravy!! I like to talk about sex!!! SEXXX!

    YUM!

    Saturday, 12 June 2010 @ 9:34pm

  28. 28: dorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    i sat for hours yesterday at a local restaurant getting some work done… but i was in the snobby suburbs today and it was a bunch of young snobby looking people and i couldn’t do it. so weird. honestly it was just like…too much white people. i don’t know how to explain it. i felt weird and out of place even though i am “white” and sincerely enjoyed my meal in the car.

    Saturday, 12 June 2010 @ 9:42pm

  29. 29: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    When I first started doing it, many moons ago, I felt self-conscious when people looked at me like I had 3 eyes. Then I just got to the place inside where I was convinced this was emotionally healthy for me, to learn to relate to the human race. So I kept putting myself out there, and now it is easily within my comfort zone. When people look at me funny, I just smile at them and/or chat with them! It’s a good way to meet people!

    It’s like what Daria said…practice being rude, just shakes you out of your comfort zone. It’s healthy to be in different social situations and brave your way thru it!

    I like to go with friends, but when I do, it seems like more often than not they are difficult to plan it with. Like they’ll be two hours late for a million reasons, or they don’t want to go where I do, etc. But I guess that’s the antisocial part of myself remaining, that I find life simpler not tying people in too close.

    While all the while I so much want people around. I strongly seek to surround myself with warmth and softness…with the love of a man. But I’ve never had that totally, so I find substitutes. Sitting in a restaurant alone gives me the feeling of warmth and softness around me without having to be unsafe directly with people. People scare me. Eyes scare me. I am in process, but I am coming from a place of deep emotional damage. Get close, but not too close.

    I like animals. Animals are safe. They are affectionate and accepting. It isn’t coincedence that “Dog” is “God” spelled backward. God gave us dogs to demonstrate unconditional love. I’ve spent the evening sitting here unabashed with my dogs at my feet. I just feel so relaxed with animals.

    Yeah, me alone in my basement apartment with dogs to cuddle with. Sounds like the situation in life of a loser. But I am not a loser, and I know that.

    I am a winner in process. I love myself exactly they way I am.

    Saturday, 12 June 2010 @ 9:58pm

  30. 30: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Aren’t I a big ball of emotions tonight? Yeah, going on match got my heart all kinds of sensitive and out there.

    I miss Ryan, dammit.

    Saturday, 12 June 2010 @ 9:59pm

  31. 31: SoftyNo Gravatar says:

    Just want to share a bit :D
    I love this story from Isha- A young boy ran up to his “Grandfather, tell me the secret of life! ”

    The old man’s mouth wrinkled into playful smile as he replied, ” My child , within every one of us, it’s as if there were two wolves fighting. One of the wolves is focused on protecting his territorry ; he is full of anger, criticsm, and resentment. He is fearful and controlling. The other one is focused on love, joy, and piece. He is mischievous and full of adventure.”

    “But grandfather,” exclaimed the boy, his eyes wide with curiousity, “which of the wolves is going to win?”

    The old man replied, ” The one you feed”

    Sunday, 13 June 2010 @ 12:16am

  32. 32: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Wow Softy – I feel touched and intrigued very much by that story.

    Sunday, 13 June 2010 @ 2:38am

  33. 33: TrizaNo Gravatar says:

    I have been following the blog though not commenting most of time.
    I have been circular dating for a while now and i love that its helping me really get in touch with my feelings.I love that Rori mentioned about Abraham hicks ans a course in miracles.I have been reading a lot on this as well and my whole life has really been transformed.Taking time to interact with other people has provided a channel where my deeper feelings hav been able to express themselves.
    I still experience fear and uncertainty when a guy doesn’t call back or when i begin to wonder if I’ll meet the one or not but now it feels different.Now i can hug and love those parts of me that feel insecure and afraid.Now i can accept and love them unconditionally no matter the outcome.Now life feels more alive because the ups and downs are equally liberating.I am glad i am here learning more each day from everyone’s comments and Rori’s posts.hugs

    Sunday, 13 June 2010 @ 6:42am

  34. 34: Amy FNo Gravatar says:

    Good morning,
    Does anyone know what the “Goodnight Talk” tool is? I have the Siren program and I could not find it.
    Thanks and hope you will enjoy your Sunday. I’m getting eyebrows and nails done today. Taking good care of myself – for me! Hope you all will do something nice for yourselves today!

    Sunday, 13 June 2010 @ 8:03am

  35. 35: Tallgirl10No Gravatar says:

    Brenda,

    Good job with braving match. Just an FYI, we tall thin ones get rejected too.

    Sunday, 13 June 2010 @ 8:07am

  36. 36: Tallgirl10No Gravatar says:

    I feel sad.

    I never responded to the last text which text man sent me after I had already told him to have a fun night. He knows where to find me.

    I read rori’s email today about being friends. And that thinking is you are there for them emotionally that it could grow. I think that it is part of a healthy relationship to be friends, but using it as the glue, is a super bad idea. Attraction is the glue.

    STAY AWAY FROM MEN WHO DON’T ACT LIKE THEY ARE INTO YOU.

    Crumbs are not diamonds.

    A man moving away is not a sign to like him more.

    I deserve someone who wants to be with me. And who will express it.

    Sunday, 13 June 2010 @ 8:14am

  37. 37: KikiNo Gravatar says:

    Well, I just love this post because I have something to say about it. I was recently involved with someone who was being fabulous — showing me lots of attention, sending messages, taking me out, etc. Then it all kind of stopped. When I finally just came out and asked him about it, he said that I wasn’t showing him enough interest, that he’d been waiting to see if I would ever do something to make him feel special, and that he was feeling a fool for doing all the work. This made me feel horrible, for I was just doing what I thought was right: leaning back, receiving, etc. Since that conversation, things haven’t been the same between us, and I’m trying to get him to realize I do like him…but am feeling confused over the whole thing…I agree with the other posters about staying away when they act uninterested, but what do we do when they tell us they want us to make them feel special too? Don’t men deserve to feel loved and appreciated as well? How do we strike the right balance?

    Sunday, 13 June 2010 @ 8:45am

  38. 38: KikiNo Gravatar says:

    I just tried posting something and it didn’t work, so if my comment ends up showing up later, that is why. Anyway, I wanted to comment about this particular topic because I have an interesting experience with a man who was showing me a lot of interest and I really liked it a lot. I was leaning back and receiving his attention, just like I thought I should. But of course, he pulled back and it was very weird, so I asked him if something was wrong. He said yes, that I hadn’t been showing him enough interest and he felt like he was doing all the work, that it was all very one-sided. I felt horrible and sad about him feeling this way. He said he felt like an idiot for doing so much and me doing so little. Now, he has completely withdrawn, and I feel so hurt! I told him I like him and want to see him again, but it’s as though he is now waiting/wanting me to make all the effort. How do we strike the right balance??

    Sunday, 13 June 2010 @ 8:52am

  39. 39: JeannetteNo Gravatar says:

    Tallgirl10, you really get it, my last long distance b-friend, sends me e-mails once in awhile, calls once in awhile, but never hints at rekindling what we once had. It hurts that he gets in contact and asks, “How are you…..” but never wants to talk about us anymore. So, he sent me a e-mail not long ago with job descriptions of jobs available to give my brother who is unemployed and included, “How are you and your family?” I did not respond to it, he wanted out of the relationship and sent me a break up letter 6 months ago, so why still stay in touch? I wonder if it’s so he can ease his conscience, (because he know’s I am a nice person) or to just nose around…Whatever!! Tired of nothing happening, know what I mean?

    Sunday, 13 June 2010 @ 9:57am

  40. 40: MystykNo Gravatar says:

    This is the hardest part. The not doing, the fear that if I don’t raise my hand and wave it around – if I don’t remind my other…. that he will somehow forget me.

    I have been getting such good things and good triggers from all of you here. I feel like it is time for me to add my voice and contribute.

    Thank you!

    Sunday, 13 June 2010 @ 10:19am

  41. 41: Tallgirl10No Gravatar says:

    Jeanette,

    He likes you as a person, not as a romatic interest. Sometime I swear the only way to get them to be interested is to tell them to shove off. And he wants to ease his guilt.

    Like “Bob, I really appreciate your emails, but I think it is best if we are not in contact anymore. Good luck, wish you the best”.

    Sunday, 13 June 2010 @ 10:23am

  42. 42: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    I feel kinda excited about this one. trying to not get my hopes up. These emails on match covered a week, so they were reaaaallly spaced out — so that’s kinda a bad sign, but I’ll hold on to my heart and see what happens. (I wonder if he has a cute butt, sexy belly, and likes Shrek????)

    Him (June 5): Hi, I just had to tell you that I think you are really beautiful and I would love to get to know you. If you are interested in getting to know me I promise you a lot of fun and excitement! Have a great day and I really hope to hear back from you.

    Me (June 5): Thank you! Fun and excitement would feel GREAT! I love your pics. :)

    Him (June 9): Well, when are we going to have fun and excitement, ha!

    Me (June 9): Just say the word and I’m there! :D

    Him (today): Well cutie my no. is 412 973 1434 give me a call and we can talk about when, where and why :)

    He does live kinda far…. oh, um, yeah, he lives in the suburbs of you-know-who’s new city, yeah, 4 hours away…. hehe…. but this guy has his own airplane and pilot’s license….. and hopefully he doesn’t have an interloper girl back there somewhere…..

    He’s cute. Haven’t seen his butt though. :D

    Sunday, 13 June 2010 @ 11:04am

  43. 43: Rori RayeNo Gravatar says:

    Welcome Mystyk! Look forward to hearing your stories and insights…Love, Rori

    Sunday, 13 June 2010 @ 11:35am

  44. 44: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Wow, that was a really helpful eletter! It cleared up most of my confusion around the “being friends” issue. I have felt confused about that, because for SO many people I know, friendship has turned into romance and a wonderful marriage. Also, two of my best relationships began as friendships and ended with marriage proposals. But this paragraph from Rori explains it:

    “Picture this: If WE feel only like friends to
    a man like Vanessa’s, and that’s all we give to
    him, and at the same time we go about dating and
    romancing other men even while we’re being
    friendly and supportive to this one man – THAT
    could create a sense of attraction and longing
    for us in him.”

    Sunday, 13 June 2010 @ 12:02pm

  45. 45: Tallgirl10No Gravatar says:

    Dear Textman,

    This is what I would say if I see him again.

    Thank you for reaching out to me. I have to admit, I feel confused because am having a difficult time reading what is going on between us. This makes me feel sad because I have been so enjoying getting to know you, and I feel happy when we spend time together. I would be interested in taking this further, but right now I feel hesitant and uncertain.

    I want to be in an interaction that has the following components:
    A. Open and consistent communication. Where I can talk to the person about anything (and vice versa). We learn to trust each other over time, and we can share with trust and safety. In addition, we touch base every few days to touch base and check in on what is happening in the other person’s life.
    B. Potential to grow into something serious at some time in the future. I want there to be an escalation to the interaction where we get to know each other, become more invested, and see each other on a regular basis on the road eventually to a real relationship. I don’t want to remain casual for indefinate amounts of time and I don’t want to be friends with benefits.

    What do you think?

    Sunday, 13 June 2010 @ 12:15pm

  46. 46: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    oh nooo lucy is my response

    for me, super red flags with the fem energy – when are we gonna hang out ? i swear i give these guys the benefit of the doubt, but a lot of times they turn out to not pursue in a way that feels strong enuf

    and then the call me, as a follow up, blah yuck

    Sunday, 13 June 2010 @ 12:15pm

  47. 47: Tallgirl10No Gravatar says:

    I welcome everyone’s thoughts on my letter. I have not idea if I would ever use it, but that is how I am feeling right now.

    Sunday, 13 June 2010 @ 12:19pm

  48. 48: Tallgirl10No Gravatar says:

    Lucy,

    Daria makes some good points, but I you could do the following.

    Please do not call him – you could say.

    “Thanks for the didgets ;-). Mine are XXXXX. It would feel so great for you to give me a call.”

    Sunday, 13 June 2010 @ 12:21pm

  49. 49: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Hmmmm. daria, your response feels interesting….

    MY experience is that the ones who start off with big strong MASC energy explode into tiny specks of stardust soon afterward and drift away into the night…. Stardust crumbs…..

    I don’t know what to think!

    Sunday, 13 June 2010 @ 12:24pm

  50. 50: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Tallgirl

    I THINK that you’re trippin!

    You’ve been texting with him the whole time! you have gone on dates – WHAT are you talking aobut is what im thinking

    (my main feeling is concern)

    If you don’t want to text with him, tell him something like this:

    hey, i’ve been feeling really burnt out on texting and decided i’m gonna take a big break from it now. It’d feel great to talk to you on the phone. I miss you.

    theres no need to tell him stuff like you want the relationship to grow – he knows that

    the way you let him know that he’s giving too much space is to CIRCULAR DATE full time, and therefore your time and emotional and mental energy won’t be available for him… then his attraction and desire to be with you will lilkely skyrocket

    if someone really meant what you (i am guessing) are trying to say… then they wouldn’t SAY it, they would just go on doing something else (CIRCULAR DATING) they enjoy

    talking about it feels weird–

    i mean to me distilled down it reads as …

    Hello, I am trippin for no clear reason.

    so my guess is he might think the same.

    Besides, what you want is a happily ever after with a wonderful man, not just “a serious relationship” which could mean girlfriend/boyfriend

    If the problem is not so much burnt out on texting as it is lack of consistent communication:

    hi… it feels great to hear from you… and i feel uncomfortable to talk about this, but I’d really like to get it out…I’ve been feeling kinda sad and missing you a lot… I need to hear from a man I’m dating pretty often to feel comfy and secure… and it feels bad to ask for it… what do you think?

    this is my adaptation on a rori message i recently read

    Sunday, 13 June 2010 @ 12:24pm

  51. 51: Tallgirl10No Gravatar says:

    Daria,

    Interesting. I will need to noodle it.

    Anyone else?

    Sunday, 13 June 2010 @ 12:37pm

  52. 52: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    lol! wow i feel kinda brushed off and mad

    Sunday, 13 June 2010 @ 12:46pm

  53. 53: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    daria, by me? #47? I really do feel interested in the difference in our perceptions/perspectives — cuz this guy felt really interesting to me. Like, I feel attracted. Which is kinda rare for me. I feel curious.

    Sunday, 13 June 2010 @ 12:49pm

  54. 54: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Tallgirl, I feel pretty much the same way daria does about your sitch.

    Sunday, 13 June 2010 @ 12:50pm

  55. 55: Tallgirl10No Gravatar says:

    Daria,

    No need to feel brushed off. I am thinking through the following:

    I am not only frustrated at the lack of contact and the texting. I am frustrated that this seems to be going backwards, not forwards.

    And honestly, I am kind of hoping his river runs dry because I don’t think this is going to turn around.

    I don’t think that feeling messages will turn it around.

    I don’t think telling him to shove off will turn it around.

    I feel stuck and like there is nothing I can do. I feel helpless because HE IS NOT INTO ME.

    And I want him to act like he is into me, and be into me.

    Thoughts? Anyone?

    Sunday, 13 June 2010 @ 12:50pm

  56. 56: Tallgirl10No Gravatar says:

    So what do you ladies do when the man disappears for a while and come back?

    You really don’t care? Or do you express how you feel?

    Sunday, 13 June 2010 @ 12:53pm

  57. 57: dorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    tallgirl, i agree with daria about your letter. i would write it out as feeling messages. so instead of “I feel confused because am having a difficult time reading what is going on between us,” you would write out about the feelings behind not being able to read a man or his actions. this would make me feel insecure as hell if i don’t hear from him, it would make me feel confused just like you said, and i don’t want to feel insecure and confused.

    i think feeling messages turn EVERYTHING around.

    Sunday, 13 June 2010 @ 1:06pm

  58. 58: SweetpeaNo Gravatar says:

    Tallgirl – I agree with a lot of what Daria has to say. You can CD – which from the e-letter we know can entail using our flirty energy. That would bring your energy and vibe back into focus on you.

    I like the message she put out for you. I think you could maybe add to it to entail more of what you want if you don’t feel it covers it all. But it seems to me like she covers what the real issue for you is.

    If you want him to “run dry” then just let it. Or, tell him it feels like things are gravitating toward a friendship and – how did Rori put in the eletter in response to Mary? “… say that you re looking for
    romance and a real relationship, and being
    friends with him is making it hard for you to
    move on, and you’ll contact him and be able to be
    friends later, when you’re with a man who wants
    the kind of relationship you do.”

    Do it with a smile, very casually, no crying,
    no begging and see what happens.

    In my experience, and from lots of stuff I’ve been reading, it makes sense to me that the best way to deal with a non-committal guy is to let him know what you need and go get it. You can’t make him give it to you and if you try, you’ll just make him feel pressure – which will push him further away. If you tell him what you want and go actively pursue it, it takes the pressure off and then he will “step up or step off” as I like to put it.

    Sunday, 13 June 2010 @ 1:09pm

  59. 59: SweetpeaNo Gravatar says:

    When a man comes back I definitely tell him how I feel. That is the BEST time to do it because you “hold all the cards” in that moment – you have the power to tell him what you want and he will decide whether he can give it to you or not. If not, then you’re already used to not having him around, so it’s “later gator”!

    Sunday, 13 June 2010 @ 1:13pm

  60. 60: SweetpeaNo Gravatar says:

    Or, in the famous words of Rori, “NEXT!”

    Take your power back Tallgirl! You, as a woman, have all the power. And men know that. It’s only when we give them the power that things get off-balance and wonky and hard to deal with!

    Sunday, 13 June 2010 @ 1:16pm

  61. 61: Tallgirl10No Gravatar says:

    I hear all of you.

    I thought I was saying what i wanted in a relationship.

    You are also right. I feel insecure and anxious because of the lack of contact.

    Sunday, 13 June 2010 @ 1:18pm

  62. 62: SweetpeaNo Gravatar says:

    Tell him what you want and then go get it for yourself. He will almost certainly step up, but you have to tell him knowing in your heart, that you are going to get what you want and will look for it other places. And if he can’t, won’t or doesn’t feel like giving it to you, then good riddance!

    Listen to you heart, your feminine energy. Go sit in a dark corner and envision it speaking to you if you must. I believe that you intuitively know what to do. You just have to listen for it.

    Off with the boy hat now.

    Sunday, 13 June 2010 @ 1:20pm

  63. 63: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Lucy is walking out the door for her first date with 25!!!!!! I feel mega nervous!!!!

    Sunday, 13 June 2010 @ 1:21pm

  64. 64: Amy FNo Gravatar says:

    Tallgirl,
    I agree with Daria the Great. Let that river run dry. It’s so hard, I understand so what you are feeling. Feel the fear and frustration, fall to your knees, hit the ground, embrace it and go do something nice for yourself. Go get a manicure or pedicure. Get a copy of the book “Eat, Pray, Love and read a few chapters. I got it yesterday and it is profound.

    Take care, girlfriend. You need you, not him. There are so many men in the world. Another one is waiting to dock his boat on your island (I have to keep chanting this to myself so I believe it!).

    Sunday, 13 June 2010 @ 1:23pm

  65. 65: SweetpeaNo Gravatar says:

    Back on.

    I think you are saying what you want in a relationship. However, I think I sometimes forget that – I’m not sure how to say this, but in my experience, men’s brains soak up so much info at a time and then they just shut down. So… the shorter and simpler Ican keep it & still say what I feel needs to be said, the better.

    Make sense?

    Sunday, 13 June 2010 @ 1:26pm

  66. 66: SweetpeaNo Gravatar says:

    Lucy – I feel excited for you!!! Yay!!!

    Sunday, 13 June 2010 @ 1:29pm

  67. 67: RachelNo Gravatar says:

    Amy F,

    I’m reading “Eat, Pray, Love” too and it’s really powerful! The way she describes her relationship with David is exactly how I was.

    Thanks for the reminder that there are many men wanting to dock their boats on my island. I like that word picture! =-)

    TallGirl,

    When my man goes away (either due to busyness or pulling back a little – cause he’s scared of intimacy, but getting so much better!), I picture myself turning around and pouring my energy/love into the rest of my life. I keep busy so that when he comes back, I have things to talk about so he realizes that I haven’t been sitting there waiting for him.

    Alanna Pratt said, “When I give my man space, he adores me and respects me more and showers me with even more attention when he returns…I cherish the time alone to nourish my body and soul so that when he arrives, I am more luscious than before!”

    If you really want to see if this man can step up, then when he returns, be warm and inviting, tell him very simply how you feel … and then be “ok” with whatever his response is. You can be your luscious, beautiful self with or without him.

    Sunday, 13 June 2010 @ 2:20pm

  68. 68: RachelNo Gravatar says:

    Soignee… are you still out here? I miss you! You always had such strong and beautiful things to say. I have several pages of Soignee quotes written in my notebook! Hugs if you’re reading this and I hope all is well.

    Sunday, 13 June 2010 @ 2:21pm

  69. 69: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Tallgirl -

    I feel a little confused and concerned hearing you declare so much that this guy is NOT INTO YOU.

    To me it doesn’t seem like he’s not into you… hes texting you, calling you, and asking you out.

    Deciding he’s not into you doensn’t feel good to me.

    I choose to think he’s into you… you are the oxygen he needs to breathe!

    Sunday, 13 June 2010 @ 2:24pm

  70. 70: Tallgirl10No Gravatar says:

    Daria,

    As you know, I am the one who initiated last contact. Whether that was a bad or good idea, remains to be seen.

    Here is my definition of not into me:
    A. Steps up hard for first two dates
    B. After second date, continues to text, but I am out of town.
    C. After third date, texts me for my b-day
    D. But then, I contact three days later (I know my bad), but he is super responsive. I end convo and do not respond to his last comment.

    Now nada.

    The time in between is getting longer. He seems to pull away for longer periods of time. That is not into me.

    I am surprised you think he is. There is longer and longer time in between dates, isn’t that the wrong direction.

    Sunday, 13 June 2010 @ 2:32pm

  71. 71: JeannetteNo Gravatar says:

    Girls, maybe you can help me hear. SInce my long distance and I broke up I look for him on one of the dating sites that he and I both are on. I figure if he is active on it than he’s not serious with any one woman yet. He has been real active but this week end I see he has not been on it. Now I feel a twinge of anxiety, like, what in the heck is he up to? I know it shouldn’t matter. Anyone have any suggestions other than the obvious….don’t look for him?

    Sunday, 13 June 2010 @ 2:42pm

  72. 72: dorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    jeanette don’t look for him.

    Sunday, 13 June 2010 @ 2:43pm

  73. 73: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Tallgirl – the first line of the post triggered me and i only got a chance to glance at the bullet points.. i feel triggered!

    so much thinking dear woman… drop that ball of thoughts down to your pelvis

    you’re feeling insecure and lonely – my guess?

    what do you FEEL?

    Ok read bullet points

    sooooo

    your definition of not into you is that he asks you out and pursues you thru text while youre out of town/??? ummm…

    lol i feel amused

    i would like a man to be not into me like that then hahaha

    i wonder what into me would be like? ring already?

    who cares how long he takes between dates? he’s probably satisfied with the texting and your initiating…

    maybe he’s into you maybe he’s not… but the mental energy spent analyzing him will definitely push him away… so thats my guess as to whats going on

    yes MAgically LONG DISTANCE push him away! yes

    i have men who havent contacted me in months, but to tell you the truth i KNOW they’re into me lol

    theyre just not able to step up now, or whatever, i forgot them already who?

    its simply impossible for a man to not be into me

    i am a WOMAN. men are into me. thats it.

    Sunday, 13 June 2010 @ 3:02pm

  74. 74: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Tallgirl – I’m sure this will quickly be remedied with Circular Dating…

    do you know any men who have been asking you out tht you said no to … that you may have fun with even tho u may not be inot them?

    this may be a good time to call them up and say it might feel fun to go out.. what do they think?

    (yes call them up gasp lol just this once)

    or else certainly keep going out to where there are men, and give out your number… to anyone who asks who does not give off psycho killer or self esteem crusher vibe

    Sunday, 13 June 2010 @ 3:04pm

  75. 75: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    you know what – last nite i gave my number to a guy who was like 5 feet tall… so what?

    and two other men

    one of who owns 3 clubs and a mansion

    thats who approached me

    i noticed myself noticing other men, including one i think i know

    but i am feeling very glad that i can practice being the target, and practicing opening up to men who approach ME

    yum practice

    Sunday, 13 June 2010 @ 3:06pm

  76. 76: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Jeannette – not only don’t look for him, but go out where there are men.. .and give out your number to any man that asks

    Sunday, 13 June 2010 @ 3:07pm

  77. 77: Tallgirl10No Gravatar says:

    Daria,

    I am feeling very insecure and lonely. I am also feeling like an idiot for letting this person back into my life to have him leave again at the exact same time again. Even though he was stepping up more than before.

    I also feel angry that you need to be mean to me to make your point.

    I only initiated once. And since it is all baby steps, I really don’t need you to be hard on me, any harder on me than I already am on myself.

    My definition of not into me is when things go backwards. Things like the amount of contact and duration, and things like disappearing and not wanting to spend time with me.

    Sunday, 13 June 2010 @ 3:18pm

  78. 78: Tallgirl10No Gravatar says:

    I feel disappointed and angry. I feel disrespected and lonely. I feel sad and unhappy. I feel rejected.

    I feel like it does not matter what I do because he does not like who I am. That makes me sad.

    Sunday, 13 June 2010 @ 3:20pm

  79. 79: Tallgirl10No Gravatar says:

    I obviously feel triggered.

    Tell me more about how mysteriously long distance, I am pushing him away.

    Sunday, 13 June 2010 @ 3:22pm

  80. 80: Simply ShannonNo Gravatar says:

    Lucy, I cannot wait to hear the details about your date with 25. Just prayed that it’s going fabulously!

    Tallgirl, I wouldn’t send that guy anything. Nada. He’s done. Unless he contacted me, I wouldn’t initiate again. Most boys come back if I give them space. It’s like some weird twist of karma that as soon as I’m happy going out with other men, that the old beaus come back. Trust me on this. As soon as my Man Fast is over (July 1st!), I will be dating again. Three guys in the rotation. I am seriously going to work at this CDing thing like a task master. Join me?

    Sunday, 13 June 2010 @ 4:47pm

  81. 81: TinaNo Gravatar says:

    I just feel i needed to post something anything, Ive only read half the article. past trauma reactions, behaviour modifcation. I gave truckman back his ring, yipes scary , but im here , im here im here. ill continue to read. I read an email with two questions, I’ll tape it to my forhead :)

    Sunday, 13 June 2010 @ 4:55pm

  82. 82: Tallgirl10No Gravatar says:

    SS,

    I am never planning on contacting him again, my goal was very specific and one for one time.

    In fact, during our text convo, I tried to end it more than once, but he kept engaging (which was surprising). At this point, he has an unreturned text which was just a statement, but I was out, and had already told him to have a fun night and that I was off to a party. When he commented on the party, I just let it go.

    He knows where to find me, I am done.

    That is what is hard for me. How to say goodbye in my head and heart.

    Sunday, 13 June 2010 @ 4:58pm

  83. 83: TinaNo Gravatar says:

    ”Is his BEHAVIOR toward me what I want?”

    “Is he BEHAVING” like a man who’s into me?”

    this is about me, my stuff not his. I felt terrifed, I feel stockholm syndromeish, I tried to call for help. im home , im safe. whew!

    Sunday, 13 June 2010 @ 5:04pm

  84. 84: Laughing goddessNo Gravatar says:

    Oh my, I feel overwhelmed with the amount of energy LI is showing me. I feel amused. After feeling lonely for so long now I have too much energy. WTF? I feel confused.

    Sunday, 13 June 2010 @ 5:37pm

  85. 85: maryNo Gravatar says:

    I went out with a cool guy just now. The only thing is, he is overweight and he has long, long hair AND facial hair, and I hate all that.

    So we can just be friends. Except he hugged me three times, and I didn’t like it.

    So I don’t know. He has the nicest way about him, though. It was such a nice time and a great conversation!

    I enjoyed the afternoon. And the wind was up and there were wind surfers! They’d go way, way up in the air, and sometimes the wind would puff them up even further! What a joy to watch! And to feel the wind in my hair…

    Sunday, 13 June 2010 @ 5:46pm

  86. 86: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Tallgirl – I feel defensive…

    I am not trying to be mean to you… I feel uncomfortable that you felt bad reading my message to you – I am giving it to you straight.

    Sometimes I feel judgemental toward myself – I feel frustrated and like shaking people sometimes – and I feel angry to see non-Sireny behavior.

    thats the truth.

    I suppose I feel angry seeing alcoholics drink too

    I don’t want people to think I’m mean. Pout. I feel defensive and closed off.

    How does Long Distance vibe work?

    Yes, I personally and I know Rori as well believes that this works magically across the oceans. Men can FEEL our vibes even when not in direct contact with us … so he can FEEL you focusing on him mentally and that will push him away.

    PS – it DOESN’T FEEL GOOD to think “he’s not into me”

    so WHY THINK THAT?

    HE’s INTO YOU! Doesn’t that feel better? And it’s still up to him to step up, and it’s still up to you to feel the ikcy and good feelings too

    Siren’s AIR mantra – I am the oxygen you (man) need to breathe

    I don’t want you to torture yourself with THOUGHTS of he’s not into me, when that’s totally irrelevant and feels bad

    Just focus on how do I feel… and is he giving to me…

    ohhh I feel bad and abandoned
    (good)

    vs.

    ohh he’s not into me

    (not good)

    Sunday, 13 June 2010 @ 5:48pm

  87. 87: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Tallgirl –

    don’t say goodbye, because you know this man will be back…
    just keep riding on your horse NO CLOSURE

    bring in more men, don’t “say goodbye” to any of them, (unless they are clearly abusive/toxic and you NEVER EVER EVER want them in your life EVER again not even to give you a million dollars)

    Sunday, 13 June 2010 @ 5:50pm

  88. 88: Amy FNo Gravatar says:

    Mary,
    So glad you had a good date. I am so particular – I have a thing for handsome, in shape men who look like Greek gods. However, something Rori said keeps ringing in my ears – she said something about looks, wealth, style – none of this matters. What matters is how you FEEL with him. Weight can be lost. Hair can be cut. My Greek gods and Donald Trumps usually don’t hit the mark. I always ask myself, if you stripped away the money or the looks or whatever it is, what would be left? How do I feel with him? Oh this is so hard. It really is. However, it’s easier than being lonely in a relationship where he is withdrawing and I am overfunctioning and chasing.

    How do you FEEL with him?

    Sunday, 13 June 2010 @ 5:53pm

  89. 89: Laughing goddessNo Gravatar says:

    Wow! I feel excited reading this post.

    When I was reading it, I felt hopeful that you would get Rori’s message TG. Not the part about him not being in to you but the part about resisting the tools and putting too much interest in one man. I feel really curious to hear about how you feel about these things Rori says TG.

    I also feel curious about how Rori’s post applies to my situation. I am feeling desirous of MORE space. I wish LI was less in to me. I feel overwhelmed. I feel less attracted to him when he is soooooo available. Maybe he is a mirror showing me how it feels to be on the receiving end of so much energy. I feel attracted to him but sometimes I need space to regroup. I wish he was a liitle more busy. I feel worried that I may be scared if inimacy and that is why I want space. Or maybe I’m scared to tell him because I don’t want to lose him. I do tell him and he says he understands but then he is right up in my space when all I really want is to relax. Maybe this is a boundary issue. Maybe I need stronger boundaries. WTF? I feel confused.

    Any ideas ladies?

    Sunday, 13 June 2010 @ 5:54pm

  90. 90: Laughing goddessNo Gravatar says:

    Ohhh I feel triggered. I feel sad about Daria and TG’s conversation. I feel sad because from my perspective I understand where Daria is coming from. I feel frustration when I see someone getting lots of answers and resisting them. I feel sad.

    Sunday, 13 June 2010 @ 5:58pm

  91. 91: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Damn I feel angry –

    I feel angry reading that I’m being mean – WHY??? because I don’t want people to torture themselves. so i tell them Rori tools.

    UFFF … WTF…

    I FEEL ANGRY… yeah i feel judgemental when i see people on the blog not using Rori tools… ok I admit it…

    I think im better than everyone in the world

    fine?

    is that good

    i don’t care

    I’m having a big trigger and throwing a tantrum

    with no cuss words so i wont get moderated

    maybe i should just ignore it, and not tell people what rori tools are

    what about that?

    maybe i should just stop readining certain people’s posts

    like judgementally censoring people who seem to me not fully launching into – “I commit to doing these tools” and I WANT a wonderful relationship

    then i could sail along siren’s island without reading stuff that feels awful and sinky

    i mean hey im not Rori, I don’t have products people buy

    WHY BOTHER>>>

    selfishly becasue I like reading and don’t think I will be able to control my curiosity to read all posts, and because I think that if I don’t help, then I’m going to keep on reading stuff that feels bad to read

    and non = selfishly because I want everyone to feel happy and good!

    and right now i feel angry

    rarrrgh

    I feel squeezy in my side

    I feel like mocking people, I feel judgemental, I feel removed

    AND THAT DOESN’T FEEL GOOD!!!

    I FEEL MAD!!!!

    I FEEL MAD I FEEL MAD

    Sunday, 13 June 2010 @ 5:59pm

  92. 92: Rori RayeNo Gravatar says:

    Daria, I love you…I totally get how you feel. I constantly am getting triggered to judge, and push, and overfunction, and to just…well, look pretty and be smart! – and it’s such a great opportunity for me to practice being a girl and just being, and let people find me when they want to, and hear me when they feel like it – does this sound like something that might work for you? I’m right with you, there, girl – and the less you worry about where others are coming from and how they’re doing, and the more you allow yourself to take responsibility for all of your own experience and allow everyone else to do the same, and just keep being who you are, standing for what you stand, the faster you will get everything you want for you. Same for with a man. Love, Rori

    Sunday, 13 June 2010 @ 6:05pm

  93. 93: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    LG – I DO think this is a boundary issue!

    What ? you want to relax and he is all in your space?

    ICKY!!!

    hehe I bet miss Tina can share about getting your space respected (Tina?)

    eww LG i feel ICKY thinking about that

    In this situation I would feel
    I’m feeling pressured, and I feel guilty (ohhh this is a trigger that is more about me)

    ok

    I’m feeling pressured and I don’t feel comfortable sharing this, but I woudl feel really good to have alone time right now/ more often/ at a certain time… to regroup

    It feels great being with you when we’re together, and I need more time to be alone so I can regroup and rest… what do you think ?

    I’m feeling worried that we’ve talked about this but I haven’t really noticed a difference and that feels worrisome

    blah

    i feel so triggered thinkig of my highschool boyfriend

    Sunday, 13 June 2010 @ 6:06pm

  94. 94: LizzieNo Gravatar says:

    Oh I can use a little support – I really want to send an email to Family Guy, that would be leaning in and I must stay leaning back – help me!

    I have not heard from him since our completely awesome date #4 a week Friday. Then he went on a conference out of town til Wednesday, then gets his kids until this Wednesday. He has young kids – 10 and one is completely disabled (feeding tubes – the whole nine yards) and I know he is extremely busy at work and needs to hire someone. I am also really busy and actually need to stay focused on work. I also have 2 kids a bit older than his…

    But leaning back is killing me! Funny thing though, I don’t even really know what I would say if I sent him a note – Do you want to see me? NO couldn’t do that – even when I used to lean forward, I would never have done that!
    Do you want to get together this week? NO couldn’t do that either…
    Did you have a good trip? – NO that is leading and hiding that I want something – like a date

    How does this feel – anxiety, tightness in my throat and chest, questioning – have I mis-read him? we had such awesome energy, it felt just too amazing…this can’t be it.
    fear? yes, I feel fear that I am being rejected
    fear that I have created an imaginary person
    fear that I might be too wanting…

    help me sirens – I can’t find my real feelings

    Sunday, 13 June 2010 @ 6:09pm

  95. 95: Laughing goddessNo Gravatar says:

    TG: I feel curious about your experience with Rori’s tools. I know you have been using feeling messages but what else? I feel a lot more excited to hear about that than the same old story about text guy. I want to see you succeed. I want to see you using and discussing the tools. I feel worried I am being selfish. I feel bored discussing the same thing over and over. I want to see progress. I hear you complaining that your relationship with texter isn’t progressing. Maybe that’s the mirror. Maybe it means it’s time for you to progress into using the tools more deeply?

    Sunday, 13 June 2010 @ 6:09pm

  96. 96: Simply ShannonNo Gravatar says:

    Mary: Yeah for a good date! And being open to just having a good time.

    Daria: I’ve had those thoughts and feelings too. And I don’t think it’s selfish to pull back from helping with tools, etc. if it doesn’t feel good. Sometimes helping becomes a crutch and enables people to not do the work they need to do. I think I’ve put enough out there, and I don’t feel responsible for doing more at the moment. Even for me, I know I need to do the work with the tools themselves. Working through that imagery yesterday was REALLY helpful. And without doing that work, I might still be asking the same questions over and over again. For example, all of my questions about not feeling sure about Mr. Fab Kisser and do I like him, do I stick it out… blah, blah, blah. I just needed to stop it and do the work. Not sure what caused me to do that last night but I did the tool and it helped. Tada! ;-)

    Sunday, 13 June 2010 @ 6:09pm

  97. 97: Rori RayeNo Gravatar says:

    Tallgirl, I love how you’re expressing your anger and frustration…and the first place to start here is to examine “I’m feeling like an idiot…” you are NOT an idiot!!! None of us are. We’re just practicing here on earth…and though I believe we CAN change everything instantly – it usually takes us all a bit to allow change into our lives. No matter what – getting triggered by each other here is GOOD – it helps us practice…we will move more quickly if we are challenged – especially by people we like, trust, respect…it feels weird, I know…but learning how to deal with this here is SO great! I’ll help if you like…but if you both can get back to love instead of fear, exploring and experiencing instead of defense, and feeling messages in the present instead of the past – and keep saying that you’re triggered rather than that anything IS – this will turn out fabulous for all of us. Love, Rori

    Sunday, 13 June 2010 @ 6:11pm

  98. 98: Simply ShannonNo Gravatar says:

    Tina!! You gave the ring back?? What happened?

    I feel really nosy.

    I’m sorry. Are you okay??

    Sunday, 13 June 2010 @ 6:11pm

  99. 99: Laughing goddessNo Gravatar says:

    Daria: thanks for your feedback. I agree it is a boundary issue. I feel excited about sticking to my needs. I need a little space. That’s okay. I’m okay with risking losing him. I can do this.

    Thanks again! I feel very appreciative of you Daria.

    Sunday, 13 June 2010 @ 6:16pm

  100. 100: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks Rori –

    I feel inspired to not worry about where men are coming from financial / emotional wise. yes

    and also, I feel afraid now – hmmm

    does stand for what I stand for mean I am good to share what I feel about certain posts?

    I feel intrigued by this

    ok Im gonna take opportunity to feel my own experience

    so focus on Daria

    how’s Daria feeling?

    triggered at feeling “unheard”

    so unheard is a doing type feeling, so whats the feeling ? pushed away, left out? shocked ouch! defense

    here have this chocoalte pie i made for you ? smash pie in my face!!

    ohhh i feel humiliated horrible unloved

    i love my unloved self

    ohh hi feel like smashing pie pusher!!!

    ohhh it feels unbearable

    i feel gross

    i feel sick

    i don’t want to be the one who gets the pie smashed

    in her face

    id ratehr smash pies

    tho doesnt feel good either

    how dare you snatch the chair out of my hand last nite at the bar

    ohhh i feel so powerless and also ikcy and not good enough

    so not good enough

    if peopel treat me not good enough doesn’t that mean im not good enough

    no it doesnt

    ok

    ack

    icky thinking of people getting raped in wars and stuff

    ohhh i feel horrible

    i can’t deal with this!!

    i dont want to d eal with this1

    i love my feelings

    i feel like horrible

    id rather just blast myself in the brain kapow

    take me out of here

    ew i feel like throwing up

    i love my feelings

    i feel cry crumble

    ick

    i lvoe my feelings

    i love my cry crumble

    i love my i cant take it

    i love my i feel gross like throwing up

    i love my they dont love me

    i love my horrible

    ohhh horrible

    i love my humiliation feeling

    i feel lik ei would kill people rather than feel humiliated

    straight up

    thats ok

    i killed my baby (not born yet its all good)

    death is at my side

    i came from death and going back there soon after this

    ok

    i can make it thru here
    i am a live

    cuz i chose to live this movie here

    ok

    pufff

    big huge videogame

    i can do stuff i like

    i can do stuff i like

    im not being tortured im not being hurt im not being humiliated right now

    i can feel good!

    i allow past traumas to come out my body EASY AND FEEL GOODY

    EVEN IF LOU THINKS THEY CANT!

    they CAN

    right obdy

    right daria

    i love you

    i love you too

    ok

    thanks

    smile

    ouch heart!

    ouch!

    i feel angry

    i feel frustrated with you feeling disappointed

    i dont want to feel disappointed

    i feel agnry at you heart

    i feel angry

    geeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeez

    ouch that feels WORSE

    ouch

    uffff

    blah i feel icky again

    sloshing through big huge kinda cold marshy heart with vines

    eww
    blah

    feels hopeless

    feel tired marching thru these swamps with mosquitos and we’re gonna get some fever and die we’re not gonna make it

    and that feels like crying

    and i feel hot eyes

    but no tearst cuz im not having enuf water right now

    i feel angryyyya

    i feel give

    up

    no givine up

    slosh tru mud

    slosh thru mud

    slosh thru mud

    mindless

    slosh trhu mud

    not feel good

    feel

    like

    tired

    body

    ick

    hopeless

    blah

    blah

    slosh

    slosh

    i lov my slosh

    i love my blah

    i love my tearless cry attempt

    ickkk
    throat squeeze

    i love my throat squeeze

    i love my attack by lil devil feelings

    omgosh

    i feel tired

    and pouty

    i love my tired an pouty

    and that feel slike

    ohhhhhh
    im not sloshing trhu mud right now

    i am HERE
    at a computer

    sitting

    typing

    ohhhh

    thank you

    LEVEL WON!

    hehehehe

    back in the videogame

    lets do the fun stuff!!!

    Sunday, 13 June 2010 @ 6:24pm

  101. 101: Simply ShannonNo Gravatar says:

    Hehe! Daria, at the end, I totally heard video game sounds, like from an old Atari or PacMan or something.

    Hmmm… tell me some things that make you feel super grateful.

    Cuz I know there is MAGIC happening in your life right this very second.

    Right this very second, the magic happening in my life is that my boys are sleeping sweetly upstairs after spending the ENTIRE day constantly holding my hand, smooshing with me and telling me over and over that they love me.

    There are a million lightning bugs in my backyard.

    Even on a ManFast, my blessings far outweigh my loneliness.

    It feels great to remember those things, rather than constantly be reminded of the bad stuff.

    Sunday, 13 June 2010 @ 6:31pm

  102. 102: tallgirl10No Gravatar says:

    Well, if I am to be honest, now I feel attacked and unsupported. I also feel unwelcome.

    So I suppose is best if I go elsewhere for a while.

    Sunday, 13 June 2010 @ 6:36pm

  103. 103: AliciaNo Gravatar says:

    Nothing could prepare me for the trauma that get’s triggered… Thank God for baby steps…

    I noticed I’m changing but, what is wierd is.. I realized some of my friendships with my “girl- friends” had “toxic” in them… and the more I change the more they say something.. and I hear from them way less.. I was kind of hurt by it.. But, I have to keep moving forward. I kinda felt paranoid too, like maybe I did something.. But, I realize I’m going thru a metamorphosis… and they I’m taking care of me first.. There is soooo much less drama.. And I have some close friends that I stick who are like family…

    Sunday, 13 June 2010 @ 6:39pm

  104. 104: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    ohh Simply Shannon – I feel grateful to realize that my FEELINGS are so huge day to day that I can sit here and yet feel like im sloshing thru dark jungle mud!! and yet when I throw LOVE at them and ask how I feel again they CHANGE

    I feel grateful that I FEEL STUCK and that feels like being firmly planted!

    and I feel unsure and that feels exciting and optiony
    !!

    I feel grateful that my brothers are poppin out of nowhere CALLING AND CALLING to hang out with me – JUST LIKE I WANTED till i let it go!

    I Feel grateful that last nite men were REALLY INTO me and I Felt great going to the bar

    I feel grateful that my family is getting along so much better

    I feel grateful that I am babystepping to self sufficiency

    I feel grateful that I still have my license and DMV hasnt set the date for my hearing yet

    I feel grateful my dad decided to get me this lawyer who is really good for my DUI

    I feel grateful that I have long beautiful hair and i look so great

    I feel grateful that tomorrow I’m having a planned parenthood test (trying to see if the bacteria will show up this time)

    i feel grateful that even without any treatments ive been feeling bettter and better

    i fele grateful my portugal EFT lady is going to hlep me FOR FREE and shes the best one i’ve worked with

    I feel grateful that my Ask and Receive ENERGY work works

    wanna hear it ? it works like this… say

    A part of my being already knows…

    That while this was true in the past

    I no longer need to believe

    That ___________________

    And that part of my being is willing to inform the rest of me now

    It is now doing so

    My mind body and spirit are receiving the information

    Information transfer is now complete

    I feel grateful that my best friend who rocks at it is writing my cover letter for me – aND I DON:T HAVE TO, or beat myself up for it, and I can use it to apply to jobs and yeahhh!

    I feel grateful that I feel good being 28!

    I feel grateful that /IM STUCK AGAIN!! yum!! firmly planted like a happy feet in clay goddess that is covered with ripe tomato vines!

    yum!

    Sunday, 13 June 2010 @ 6:41pm

  105. 105: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Laughing Goddess — I need lots of space in a relationship too! It’s not because of “avoiding intimacy” but just because there are lots of things I enjoy doing that are solitary activities — and I regain energy from alone time as well. That’s part of why I said to Tallgirl that one girl’s crumbs are another girl’s diamonds — some people need/want more together time and more attention and fawning over than other people do.

    Sunday, 13 June 2010 @ 6:42pm

  106. 106: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    ohh Tallgirl – I feel triggered that you feel that way

    I feel welcoming of you being here

    Sunday, 13 June 2010 @ 6:43pm

  107. 107: tallgirl10No Gravatar says:

    Obviously, I am deeply triggered. I just can’t take all of this criticism. I am not sure if I want to do any of this anymore.

    I am going to bed to think about it.

    I don’t feel like I should be punished because I am only just learning to use the tools. I feel anxious enough that I don’t really need a whole other list of things that I am not doing well.

    Sunday, 13 June 2010 @ 6:43pm

  108. 108: AliciaNo Gravatar says:

    I’m hoping that is a postive side effect… haha..

    There is no way you stay the same person doing all this… It’s has to effect alot of areas in your life, I feel hopeful that it would… and helps me figure why my friends are litterally dropping off and new ones coming in..

    Sunday, 13 June 2010 @ 6:43pm

  109. 109: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Tallgirl, we all love you. We love daria too. <3

    Sunday, 13 June 2010 @ 6:43pm

  110. 110: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Yay LG i feel so good reading that hehe! LG you rock!

    Hey! I feel curious how this goes… I didnt’ expect to feel triggered about highschool boyfriend… I guess i forgot if/that space was an issue then… sure did remind me of it tho

    Sunday, 13 June 2010 @ 6:44pm

  111. 111: SienaNo Gravatar says:

    Lucy, I feel so good that you are out with 25 right now. You go girl!

    LG, can you give me some examples of what your guy does to make you feel smothered? You say he’s right there all the time, could you just say ‘no’ to him wanting to see you? Or do you mean he’s ‘right there’ with texts and communications?

    Sunday, 13 June 2010 @ 6:44pm

  112. 112: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Alicia – Rori says that will happen! it happend to me too and is STILL happening!!

    and my brothers are back!! now they can drive now they WANT me to hang out with them, now im like.. ummm okay… what are we gonna do ?lol!

    Sunday, 13 June 2010 @ 6:45pm

  113. 113: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    ohh SIENA!!! what an AWESOME QUESTION!!! yes LG I WANT TO KNOW TOO!!

    Sunday, 13 June 2010 @ 6:47pm

  114. 114: AliciaNo Gravatar says:

    I haven’t read every single post on here but in the few I did read………… Sounds like progress is being made.. and that feels good.

    I read in Joyce Meyer’s – Battlefield of the Mind..

    “Sometimes you have to open up your heart to take out where the infection is” (That is not easy but sooooo worth it) :)

    Sunday, 13 June 2010 @ 6:49pm

  115. 115: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    I am back from my “date” with 25. I now understand what Daria means about “hanging out” vs. “real dates.”

    We chilled at his apt and watched a movie and ate chips and Greek yogurt and massively made out (plus).

    BUT OMGOSH! Just when I got there I put two and two together and OMGOSH — his MOTHER was my former BOSS!!!! I was stunned!!! 25 was like, “No biggie, it’s a small town.” HECK YEAH IT IS!!!! I felt so embarrassed!!!! He said he wouldn’t tell her.

    He wanted to know what I’m doing tomorrow, if we can “hang out” again!

    I could use help discovering the message on this one!

    Sunday, 13 June 2010 @ 6:49pm

  116. 116: SienaNo Gravatar says:

    I feel weird and a little afraid.

    Had another great date yesterday with #1CD. We had a hours-long long heart-to-heart, which is something I haven’t done since I was about 17. I felt 17 yesterday.

    He asked me to initiate sending him emails sometimes during the week while he’s working. I don’t want to screw this up by leaning forward, but my sense is that if doing that will make him happy, and he’s requested it of me, it’s not leaning forward or overfunctioning… what do you think?

    Also, this is weird, and it threw me into my head today which felt bad… I have a Google Alert set up for my name, so that I receive an email every time my name is posted to the Internet. This morning I received an email telling me that someone posted an article about a woman who has my first and last name, and #1CDs last name… so literally what my name would be if I married #1CD.

    Yikes. Wow! Neither of us have typical names, so this is weird.

    I feel afraid that I’ll mess this up. Ugh.

    Sunday, 13 June 2010 @ 6:50pm

  117. 117: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Lucy –

    a message could be: now you and Daria are on the same tightrope lol jK

    another message: you are extremely attractive

    another message: you are attracted to younger men (like stella got her groove back)

    those were jokes’ except for the last 2.

    But seriously, it sounds like you’ll need to see him again to get a clear message

    soudns like fun

    how about practicing… some feeling message/boundaries on hang out vs. dates? orrrr

    i dono

    sounds like what I would want to do. Myself. Cuz i like Fancy Traditional dates now.

    hmm yeah. alhtough that sounds like a cool date, I daria would fele triggered by hanging out

    it felt realy fun to spend time with you, and I feel more into tradtional romantic dates… i dont’ like the idea of “hanging out” most of the time… what do you think papilicious daddyo?

    Sunday, 13 June 2010 @ 6:58pm

  118. 118: AliciaNo Gravatar says:

    Daria -

    I’m glad you said that!!!! I feel better!

    I woke up going…… What happened to all my friends? (aside from the two that are like sisters)

    I kinda shared with them some of this stuff.. and they responded like everything I said was WEIRD.. haha. But, I see the progress..

    I just realized that I was allowing them to treat me in a way I would never treat them.. So I guess it’s kind of good that they are dropping off. :)

    Sunday, 13 June 2010 @ 6:58pm

  119. 119: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Siena –

    whoa i feel weird too… I feel scrunchy eyebrows… this feels weird .. i dont’ want to “INITIATE” what?

    i feel confused… whats going on?

    Sunday, 13 June 2010 @ 6:59pm

  120. 120: Simply ShannonNo Gravatar says:

    Tallgirl: I don’t want you to leave. I trust you can process through this. In fact, I know you can. I feel supportive but I don’t want to give advice.

    Sunday, 13 June 2010 @ 7:01pm

  121. 121: SienaNo Gravatar says:

    ya I know Daria. I’d love to hear what Rori thinks about this too… because it’s not really me initiating, it’s me doing something that he asked me to do, but it IS initiating because it wouldn’t be in response to something he sent me.

    Maybe if I just make them few and far between so they are special?

    I’ve been totally leaning back with him, and he’s stepping up big time. But he told me he would like it if I did that to give him a “Siena break” during his day…

    Sunday, 13 June 2010 @ 7:03pm

  122. 122: AliciaNo Gravatar says:

    “Hanging out”

    I always assume when a guys want to “hang out” it’s code for “make out at his place” I stopped that…

    Plus, you are driving to see him… he gets his rocks off and doesn’t have to take much action at all…

    I would mix it up.. practice boundries (not in making out) but real feelings about dating… I’m like.. “I don’t want drive over there.. you can come here or maybe going out would feel fun..” ;)

    Otherwise.. you’ll be end up in booty call city.. before you know it..

    Sunday, 13 June 2010 @ 7:03pm

  123. 123: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Random reflections on my date with 25:

    What is the message?

    It felt really good kissing him even though his mouth was a little smokey. I felt surprised that it felt good kissing him. It felt better kissing him than anyone I have kissed since Mk who I was engaged to before my marriage. It didn’t feel weird like I thought it would because of his age. I got pretty frisky with him (stopped short of actual sex) and it felt really good to relax and let go and be all sultry and completely uninhibited and vulnerable and intimate and open and juicy lucy (haha, brenda called me that!) and DAMN SEXY. yes, I know I blew his mind. I love feeling that sexy and free. Letting little sighs and breaths and whimpers and moans escape uncensored.

    He wasn’t as sexy as me though. He was completely QUIET. No sounds, no WORDS! I wanted words! I could tell he was enjoying it, but I wanted him to say amazing things about me and to me! I felt disappointed.

    I felt lonely.

    I felt dead-endness.

    I felt bored with him as a person.

    I felt angry that TN man and interloper found each other so quickly and are having so much fun together and great sex and I can’t find a man *I* feel great with in every way!!!!

    At one point I felt like crying. I thought, oh no, I can’t believe I’m gonna cry! I don’t want to cry! I cried the last time I was with D several months ago — I cried then because I was tired of messing (sexually) around with men I’m not really into and who are falling in love with me and getting addicted to me.

    I didn’t cry this time, but i almost did. I was feeling, oh, physically this feels great, but emotionally it feels awful. I want the real thing. The whole package.

    Sunday, 13 June 2010 @ 7:04pm

  124. 124: Simply ShannonNo Gravatar says:

    Lucy, I feel weird being invited to a man’s house for a first date. I don’t want to hang out without being certain of my safety. I feel weird. When I hear you were embarrassed and that you stayed… I keep wondering if you are following your feelings. The old me would have stayed so as not to cause a fuss, since I finally agreed to meet him and listen for his message. Or maybe I just wanted to make out with someone who made me feel good…

    I’m feeling confused and uptight for some reason.

    Sunday, 13 June 2010 @ 7:08pm

  125. 125: SienaNo Gravatar says:

    Lucy, your description of your date feels wonderful. All those things you felt… you possibly wouldn’t have felt if you hadn’t put yourself in that space. I feel so proud of you, I really do! (But I feel hesitant to say ‘proud’ because it might sound condescending, which I don’t want.)

    Lucy’s a Siren!!

    Sunday, 13 June 2010 @ 7:09pm

  126. 126: SienaNo Gravatar says:

    And I feel, “who cares” about the logistics of the date – his age, where you were, etc.

    You FELT all those things in his presence… that’s what feels really great to me…

    Sunday, 13 June 2010 @ 7:10pm

  127. 127: Laughing goddessNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks for the support sirens!

    An example of the space thing… My birthday is tomorrow and we made all these plans for the weekend and he tried really hard to make it special and tonight he is at my place cooking dinner.

    We live very close to each other and have a lot of mutual friends and often work together so I see him a lot. I feel progress in the sense that I have told him that sometimes I like to be together without always chit chatting and I can see the effort he is making. I feel scared that I won’t be able to be married and in a situation where a man is in my life all the time

    Lucy, I’m a lot like you. I really enjoy alone time. It’s how I recharge. I can see his efforts. I’m feeling better about this. I can just keep expressing my needs and feel okay with having my boundaries. I actually feel pretty good right now.

    Sunday, 13 June 2010 @ 7:12pm

  128. 128: Simply ShannonNo Gravatar says:

    Lucy, Goodness I just want to wrap you up in a blanket and rock you. I feel sad Lucy.

    Why didn’t you stop? When you felt like crying, why didn’t you stop?

    I feel sad.

    “yes, I know I blew his mind.”

    This is a bad trigger for me.

    I know exactly what you mean in this instance. I’ve walked away thinking I just blew that guy’s mind, all proud and shit. Best sex ever. Tra-la-la. It didn’t matter AT ALL.

    What about you? What about me? What was happening to you/me while this guy was having an amazing time?

    “I felt like crying”. I feel sad.

    Sunday, 13 June 2010 @ 7:15pm

  129. 129: Laughing goddessNo Gravatar says:

    Siena:

    this sounds like him “asking you to make a sandwich”.

    Do you WANT to make him a sandwich?

    Sunday, 13 June 2010 @ 7:16pm

  130. 130: SienaNo Gravatar says:

    LG – good question!

    yes, I would feel good making him a sandwich. But I feel worried that if I make too many sandwiches, even if I like doing it, it will push him away…

    Sunday, 13 June 2010 @ 7:18pm

  131. 131: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Shannon, we had talked online for about eight months. I have a really good Spidey-sense, and felt completely and totally safe. I would not have gone if i didn’t feel safe. I felt embarrassed because I know his mother really well — worked with her , talked with her about our love lives! etc — and didn’t know until that moment that this was her son! I thought, oh my gosh, if she knew I was dating her son!

    I would have had no problem leaving if i had wanted to. It never bothers me to “cause a fuss.” I do what I want.

    Sunday, 13 June 2010 @ 7:18pm

  132. 132: Laughing goddessNo Gravatar says:

    Awww, I really am feeling better after talking with you goddesses. I just walked into the kitchen and saw him in there with his shirt off, looking sexy, reading a cookbook and that felt really good. I feel touched. I feel loved.

    Sunday, 13 June 2010 @ 7:20pm

  133. 133: Laughing goddessNo Gravatar says:

    TG: I hear that you are feeling triggered. I feel hopeful that you will face this trigger and grow from it and not choose to run away instead.

    Sunday, 13 June 2010 @ 7:22pm

  134. 134: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Siena, it feels GREAT reading that you feel proud of me!! :)

    Yeah, I felt unbelievably sexy and free.

    I admit I had a thought during it: “TN man doesn’t know what he’s missing!!! I wish he knew I would be the best thing that ever happened to him!” haha

    (Please don’t anyone scold me for mentioning TN man. I am just telling you the truth here.)

    Sunday, 13 June 2010 @ 7:22pm

  135. 135: Simply ShannonNo Gravatar says:

    Lucy, I feel confused.

    Your words say this:
    I felt lonely.
    I felt dead-endness.
    I felt bored with him as a person.
    At one point, I felt like crying.

    Your actions say this:
    I stayed because I wanted to stay. “I do what I want”.

    Note: I’m dealing with my own trigger about the words you chose, i.e. “blew his mind”.

    I genuinely feel surprised and confused by what I’m perceiving as words and actions not lining up.

    Sunday, 13 June 2010 @ 7:26pm

  136. 136: NYCGirlNo Gravatar says:

    Alicia, I have had the same experience with girlfriends-seeing some of them in a totally new light. And new, wonderful friendships seem to be developing from thin air. And as Rori mentions, my relationships with authority-mainly my bosses has really changed. I feel relaxed and normal around them most of the time which is new and fantastic.
    And two long time acquaintances remarked that I seemed “so open,” and that felt great to hear. So I say keep up the good work.

    Sunday, 13 June 2010 @ 7:29pm

  137. 137: Laughing goddessNo Gravatar says:

    Siena: How would it feel to express that to him.

    “I feel so happy that you requested siena breaks. I also feel a little nervous because I don’t push you away.”

    Well, that doesn’t feel exactly right but I feel confident that you get the idea Siena.

    Sunday, 13 June 2010 @ 7:30pm

  138. 138: Laughing goddessNo Gravatar says:

    Lucy: I feel dead-endedness

    i feel curious about that statement. Is it because you are looking for a long-term love and you can’t see it with him due to his age?

    Hmmmm, I’m wondering if maybe that is why you felt so sad. It sounds like part of you felt good and sexy another part of you felt empty because you think that this will never go anywhere.

    Sunday, 13 June 2010 @ 7:36pm

  139. 139: Laughing goddessNo Gravatar says:

    SS: I felt good reading about your day today and all the blessings in you life and your sweet boys holding your hand. :-)

    Sunday, 13 June 2010 @ 7:39pm

  140. 140: TinaNo Gravatar says:

    lol Daria, I liked or I “get” the death by my side of your writing. Do or die I get it, i get it!

    Death welcomed her she whispered softly in Goddess warrior womans ear , we will fight together

    Sunday, 13 June 2010 @ 7:40pm

  141. 141: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Shannon, the crying feeling for me wasn’t a cue for me to stop what I was doing — it was just something for me to feel my way through — it was a feeling of “I wish I could have what I really want” and “what do I want?” and “this feels good but it would feel so much better with ‘the One.’”

    To me, it DID matter that I blew his mind. That feels really good to me. I LOVE blowing a guy’s mind sexually. I don’t feel “proud,” I feel sexy and sireny and luscious and desirable.

    “What was happening to me while this guy was having an amazing time?” *I* was having an amazing time too! My body felt all good and melty and acrobatic and young and I felt like I was a movie star in a classy sex scene.

    The crying feeling was part of the whole package — intimacy through sex. I mentioned on Rori’s post about intimacy through sex that it is something that comes very naturally to me — to be open and vulnerable during sex and really feel all my feelings. I was actually even more vulnerable this time with him than I have been before with other guys….. It was good. Like Siena said, it put me in a space where i could access all those feelings and feel them. Intimacy — it’s feeling everything you feel.

    Sunday, 13 June 2010 @ 7:42pm

  142. 142: Laughing goddessNo Gravatar says:

    I just told LI that I feel weird receiving all that he is doing for me. That I wish I could relax. That I feel bad that he is in there cooking while I am on the computer. He made me tea and it wasn’t how I wanted it and I told him and then I felt bad and high maintenance. He said to relax, everything is fine and he likes making stuff for me.

    Ahhh, letting love feels almost harder for me than being alone. It feels weird to be a goddess and receive. This feels new and different and weird but also kinda nice.

    Sunday, 13 June 2010 @ 7:44pm

  143. 143: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    “Is it because you are looking for a long-term love and you can’t see it with him due to his age?”

    yes, LG, that’s basically it.

    Mostly his age, but I was also disappointed that he wasn’t more interesting as a person — wouldn’t even really want to be friends with him. So, dead-end.

    Sunday, 13 June 2010 @ 7:46pm

  144. 144: SienaNo Gravatar says:

    Where does Rori talk about making a sandwich? I’d like to revisit that…

    Sunday, 13 June 2010 @ 7:48pm

  145. 145: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Shannon,

    Your words say this:
    I felt lonely.
    I felt dead-endness.
    I felt bored with him as a person.
    At one point, I felt like crying.

    Your actions say this:
    I stayed because I wanted to stay. “I do what I want”.

    ———–

    I feel curious about your feeling that my words and actions don’t line up.

    It’s like being on a little journey, where you feel lots of different feelings, and you feel curious about your feelings and watch them and feel them and pay attention to the thoughts that float through while you’re on your journey, but you don’t have to end the journey and go home just cuz you feel a bit homesick or the weather wasn’t great in Brussels or whatever. You experience the adventure unless it feels just completely awful or unsafe. And you go home when you want to go home.

    You only listed the *uncomfortable* feelings that I mentioned in my story — there were some really pleasant feelings I mentioned as well. :)

    Sunday, 13 June 2010 @ 7:55pm

  146. 146: Laughing goddessNo Gravatar says:

    Lucy:

    Maybe the message is just that. You want long-term love and not just a booty call even if it does make you feel sexy and open to your feelings. Maybe being desirous used to bring you validation but now it doesn’t.

    Sunday, 13 June 2010 @ 7:58pm

  147. 147: Laughing goddessNo Gravatar says:

    Siena: funny you should ask because I was wondering the same thing and actually feeling very inspired to revisit and relearn Rori’s work. I feel so happy that I am no longer leaning forward and overfunctioning and now I feel ready to take it to the next level.

    I seem to remember Daria explaining the making a sandwhich concept recently. I can’t remember exactly what Rori says about it.

    Things are coming together for me around this needing space thing. I realized that part of why I need space is because I feel so uncomfortable receiving from him. So uncomfortable that I want to escape.

    Sunday, 13 June 2010 @ 8:03pm

  148. 148: Laughing goddessNo Gravatar says:

    Oh Lucy, I feel weird about what I wrote to you.

    Sunday, 13 June 2010 @ 8:05pm

  149. 149: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    So, anyone have a good handle on the message here so I can stop attracting 25 and 23 year olds and get to the keepers my own age???!!!!

    Oh, Daria, you did write a message or two — but I don’t really feel attracted to younger guys; they apparently are attracted to me though.

    What was your other one? Something about me being – oh, there it is, “extremely attractive” lol Is that a message? Really? Does that count as a message? I’m not sure i agree that I am extremely attractive, but it does feel good to BELIEVE THAT ANYWAY!!!!!

    Sunday, 13 June 2010 @ 8:09pm

  150. 150: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    LG, I feel chuckling that you feel weird about it. :) He doesn’t actually just want a booty call, which is part of the problem — he wants a “relationship” — he likes me and wants to spend time with me and actually hang out and do stuff together — but I don’t want a relationship with him, and I felt sad to realize that I don’t even like him as a friend. I kinda would have liked to have an interesting friend.

    Sunday, 13 June 2010 @ 8:13pm

  151. 151: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Sweetpea, I didn’t respond to “our” guy’s last email, but he sent me another one — asking me to come to CO. Lol!

    Sunday, 13 June 2010 @ 8:15pm

  152. 152: Laughing goddessNo Gravatar says:

    Lucy:

    ya to the extremely attractive message. That’s what I was trying to get at earlier but I didn’t feel happy with the way I said it.

    So maybe the message is you are attractive enough, attractive enough to attract men almost half your age. And now you can get on with the business of coonnecting with your long-term love without having any concerns about your attractiveness.

    How does that feel?

    Sunday, 13 June 2010 @ 8:18pm

  153. 153: Laughing goddessNo Gravatar says:

    Lucy: I didn’t mean that he just wants a booty call. I meant that because you aren’t interested in having a relationship but you still felt attracted to himenough to make out that all it would really be for you is a booty call. :-)

    Sunday, 13 June 2010 @ 8:22pm

  154. 154: dorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    Lucy, sweetpea…you are talking to someone in colorado? that’s where i live:D you should visit colorado just cause.

    Sunday, 13 June 2010 @ 8:25pm

  155. 155: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Hmmm, LG, I feel unsure….

    It feels good to think of myself as attractive and “attractive enough.”

    But….please don’t yell at me (Daria or anyone else), my thoughts and feelings go to —-> I was not attractive enough for TN man. I feel ashamed saying that and I feel afraid people will feel triggered or frustrated with me.

    When I was with 25 today, that thought came to me several times — “Why can’t TN man feel like 25 feels about me???” — I didn’t dwell on it, and reminded myself to stay in the moment, enjoy the man who is in front of me — but it was there a few times in spite my best efforts.

    Sunday, 13 June 2010 @ 8:27pm

  156. 156: Laughing goddessNo Gravatar says:

    Last night I was at this party and I was sitting in a group with LI and MM (mystery man that I was feeling very attracted to and confused about) and few other people and MM was telling a story and as he was telling it, he was mostly making eye contact with only me. Now normally I would feel excited because here this man I am attracted to was paying a lot of attention to me but I actually felt really weird and uncomfortable….mostly because LI was there.

    I am starting to feel less attracted to MM. We are moving in to more of a friend zone and I feel good about that. It feels good to have that worry and curiousity and feeling that I might be missing something going away. Feels like relief.

    Sunday, 13 June 2010 @ 8:28pm

  157. 157: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Ok, gotcha LG, about the booty call. I don’t even feel attracted enough to do THAT again!

    Sunday, 13 June 2010 @ 8:29pm

  158. 158: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Dorothea, my sister lives in CO Springs.

    Sunday, 13 June 2010 @ 8:31pm

  159. 159: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Yay for MM going into Friend zone!!!

    Sunday, 13 June 2010 @ 8:32pm

  160. 160: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    The rotten thing is, I did fb chat with him a lot for months, and now I don’t want to talk to him any more! Cuz he’s gonna want to see me again and I don’t want that. So, um, I guess it will be time to practice being truthful and not tiptoeing around a guy’s feelings.

    Sunday, 13 June 2010 @ 8:36pm

  161. 161: Laughing goddessNo Gravatar says:

    Lucy: I don’t feel triggered by hearing about TN. I do feel a little triggered by the yelling comment because I don’t think I or Daria or anyone has yelled at anybody here. I feel sad that you think that.

    I don’t feel triggered by you talking about TN because I feel an openness in you. I feel understanding of where you are coming from.

    As for the attactiveness thing, who says you weren’t attractive enough for TN. That sounds like jumping to conclusions to me. Just because interloper is “adorable” as you say it doesn’t mean that TN chose her over you for that reason. I don’t feel good about jumping to that conclusion.

    Sunday, 13 June 2010 @ 8:37pm

  162. 162: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    I guess “yelling” was the wrong word — I know sometimes people feel frustrated when I talk about TN man, and that makes me feel like crying because …. well, because it does.

    I feel like crying right now. I actually have a lump in my throat.

    I feel good and grateful that you feel understanding about TN man.

    When I said about not being attractive enough for TN man, I meant in a general sense; i.e., if I was attractive enough (overall) for him, he would have chosen me. Isn’t that why men choose who they choose?

    Sunday, 13 June 2010 @ 8:44pm

  163. 163: Laughing goddessNo Gravatar says:

    Lucy: Well, from what I understand they choose who they feel attracted to but their attraction isn’t just based on physical or sexual attraction. It like how Rori talks about how a man can be with a woman who is beautiful, successful, etc yet he seems to have commitment issues but then he meets someone else, a woman who isn’t necessarily as beautiful but she has a siren quality that he can’t resist and he ends up marrying her.

    So how that applies to your situation…

    I would just say it’s about having confidence in yourself. Knowing that it’s not over til it’s over. TN dating interloper could actually work out to your benefit. Trusting in the universe that it will give you what you want. The story is not over. There are a million possible paths to your happily ever after.

    Sunday, 13 June 2010 @ 8:55pm

  164. 164: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks, LG. That’s what I meant by overall attractiveness — “she has a siren quality that he can’t resist and he ends up marrying her” — I meant I wasn’t attractive enough in THAT way to TN man.

    How could his dating interloper work out to my benefit?

    I feel grateful for all your encouraging and supportive words. <3

    Sunday, 13 June 2010 @ 9:00pm

  165. 165: maryNo Gravatar says:

    R just emailed me and he’s worried about my money just going, going and going.

    we broke up on Valentine’s Day.

    what is he doing emailing me that? I don’t understand…

    here’s what he said,

    “Just wondering if you made it home safely? I know you will call me if you want help and or suggestions with your money. I amquite torn knowing that your account is getting smaller every month and want to figure out some way to stop it. I know it is so hard to save thousands of dollars once it is gone.”

    oh.

    this makes me feel so scared.

    but what else can i do?

    i’m trying as hard as i can.

    i feel scared.

    Sunday, 13 June 2010 @ 9:05pm

  166. 166: maryNo Gravatar says:

    what is an interloper girl?

    Sunday, 13 June 2010 @ 9:06pm

  167. 167: Laughing goddessNo Gravatar says:

    if I was attractive enough (overall) for him, he would have chosen me. Isn’t that why men choose who they choose?

    Well, ya I guess in a sense but I also think there are other reasons having to do with what we are vibrating and what we are creating for ourselves. Law of attraction style. Like maybe the woman that the guy chooses is just more in alignment with being with him…meaning she doesn’t have as many resistant thoughts blocking what she wants from coming to her.

    Abraham hicks says that feeling jealous that someone else was able to create something in their lives that we want in ours only blocks what we want from coming in. If we can realize that God, the universe, whatever you want to call it is capable of answering all of our prayers then we can feel happy for that person. There is no shortage of love and possibilities. Anything Can happen but when our attention is over there focused on what we don’t have, we can’t see it.

    Sunday, 13 June 2010 @ 9:07pm

  168. 168: maryNo Gravatar says:

    aside from R, though…

    i’ve had a pain-free, non-obsessive day.

    didn’t think about Island Man even once.

    didn’t wish for him.

    didn’t wonder about him.

    didn’t think about him.

    i guess he committed a deal breaker, eh! i wish he had done it sooner!

    how did this happen that i suddenly feel so fine about him? is it because i’ve been working on detachment? consciously keeping or rejecting thoughts? and now it’s just effortless? or is it because he just completely turned me off by saying we were gonna get together and then not showing?

    i don’t know!

    all i know is that the pain associated with wishing for him is gone.

    and that feels so good!

    Sunday, 13 June 2010 @ 9:09pm

  169. 169: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    I feel happy for him, but also jealous. How can I get to the place I need to be in that respect, LG?

    Sunday, 13 June 2010 @ 9:12pm

  170. 170: MelanyNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Rori,

    Rori, can someone be hurting from a relationship, be angry, mad, and resentful at the person and still respond my kissing back the said person? Am I crazy and need to see a shrink? Why did I respond to him instead of pushing him off?

    At the same time how do I get along with this person without jeopardizing the relationship between him and our daughter.

    I wrote to you before, telling you about being in a relationship with a man for almost 2 years with plans to get married, buy a house and have children. But the child came first and the man has now totally withdrawn. We hardly ever speak now. He hardly ever call to even ask how the child is doing. He hardly visits.

    When I found out that he has been cheating on me while I was pregnant all I felt was anger, hurt and resentment towards him. At first I often times curse him which I believe pushed him even further away.

    He once wrote me after the break up that He loves his child but his joy is in me. He had also mentioned that we should be great friends and he is ok being alone. I told him no I do not want any friendship with him.

    Lately I have been practising leaning back and the only time when I contact him is when something needs to be done for our child. I am still angry and somehow I believe he sensed it and is keeping away. I really want my child to have a meaningful relationship with her father.

    I have started circular dating, taking time out to go to the gym, beach, study, read books, meditate and doing things with my daughter to take my mind off him and putting me as first priority. All is well until he shows up or calls telling me he wants to stop by.

    He came by recently and out of the blue he kissed me and I was surprised that I gave in and Kissed him back.

    Can you help Rori?

    Sunday, 13 June 2010 @ 9:13pm

  171. 171: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Mary, Interloper Girl is the name I gave the girl TN man is dating (his “girlfriend”).

    Sunday, 13 June 2010 @ 9:18pm

  172. 172: Laughing goddessNo Gravatar says:

    Lucy: ya, I got that that’s what you were saying about attractiveness after I posted and then reread your post. I feel silly for being redundant.

    As far as how him dating interloper girl could be to your benefit? I’m just saying that God works in mysterious ways and we don’t always know how things are going to work out.

    Maybe by being with her he will realize that he is really ready for something deeper.

    Or maybe, it will help you to get even clearer on what you want which will help you to attract exactly what you want

    I’m just saying that by trusting and believing that you will get what you want even when things look hopeless is very very powerful.

    If I were you, I would celebrate all of those qualities that you love about TN while also reminding yourself that you could meet someone with all those qualities and more! The same energy that created TN created the rest of the men out there as well. Those great qualities aren’t exclusive to him. So don’t get stuck on him, get stuck on the qualities you want and the feelings you want to have in a relationship.

    Sunday, 13 June 2010 @ 9:20pm

  173. 173: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Sweetpea, you must have motivated our guy to add the blurb on his profile about marijuana for medicinal purposes!

    Sunday, 13 June 2010 @ 9:20pm

  174. 174: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks so much, LG. <3 That really resonates with me. It's hard to keep hoping and believing sometimes. Going to bed now. Goodnight!

    Sunday, 13 June 2010 @ 9:23pm

  175. 175: maryNo Gravatar says:

    i’ve just learned something about attraction by noticing the way i am with Man in the Woods.

    he’s extremely handsome. very attractive. i love the way he smells. he has style. kinda metrosexual. he wears bracelets, and they look good on him. i love his house! i love the music he likes. i like to do the things he likes to do.

    i want to kiss him! i want to make out with him! i want to be close to him!

    but… he talks too much. he doesn’t leave space. he needs to know where he stands at all times. he’s focused on THE RELATIONSHIP. he constantly talks about it.

    these things kill my attraction for him.

    and when he starts talking, a wall goes up and my attraction for him just disappears.

    gone.

    maybe that’s what happened to R with me?

    and i thought i wasn’t physically attractive enough for him! maybe it was that he just knew that i wasn’t the one?

    and he couldn’t bear to let me down? so he couldn’t keep kissing me?

    that’s how i feel about Man in the Woods.

    Sunday, 13 June 2010 @ 9:35pm

  176. 176: maryNo Gravatar says:

    and last night he told me i was SELFISH for continuing to date other men. i’ve never been called that in my entire life.

    Sunday, 13 June 2010 @ 9:36pm

  177. 177: maryNo Gravatar says:

    oh melany,

    that must have been so terrible when your man left and you were pregnant!

    i’m so sorry that happened to you. i feel sad thinking about it.

    Sunday, 13 June 2010 @ 9:38pm

  178. 178: SweetpeaNo Gravatar says:

    I just want to share with everyone that Rori’s tools are working for me. I am learning so much. I feel really freaked out when I’m out with a guy and I realize how much I actually used to control my interactions with men. Especially sexually. Wow! I am so happy to be making such progress and to see for myself how well this works!
    I got home from a CD not long ago and I feel adored. I don’t know if I’ve ever felt this from a guy. I feel excited that my boundaries are being respected. And it feels so good to hear “you are beautiful. You are desirable.” Wow!!!
    Thank all of you for all of you help and suggestions on here. I feel confident I would not be feeling this much success this quickly if it wasn’t for everyone here who has helped and just listened and/or commented.
    Muah!!!

    Sunday, 13 June 2010 @ 9:49pm

  179. 179: ElayneNo Gravatar says:

    Daria, re: #71, I love what you said:

    “its simply impossible for a man to not be into me

    i am a WOMAN. men are into me. thats it.”

    I am SO gonna remember that!

    Sunday, 13 June 2010 @ 9:50pm

  180. 180: SienaNo Gravatar says:

    Yay Sweetpea!!

    Sunday, 13 June 2010 @ 9:55pm

  181. 181: ElayneNo Gravatar says:

    Oh, and after I got that e-mail from the man “respecting my decision” he called to make sure I wasn’t mad at him. We talked, he was super sweet, he apologized, saying that was the reality of his life, that he’s “soo busy and overwhelmed,” that his kids are giving him grief about not spending time with them either. I’m beginning to think he can’t do intimacy, even with his family. What’s up with a man being so busy that he has no time for anything he cares about?

    I am asking because it seems like this comes up a lot — do you Sirens think people are artificially busy or is it like overfunctioning, meaning that if they stop being busy they will have to deal with the yucky-ness inside?

    Oh, and I got FOUR e-mails this weekend from men from online dating sites. After what seems like months, and getting rid of all the old CD guys, there are a bunch of new ones showing up. I don’t know if I’m going to be interested in any of them, but I’m looking forward to practicing on them!

    Elayne

    Sunday, 13 June 2010 @ 9:58pm

  182. 182: AliciaNo Gravatar says:

    Understand dualities‏ – Higher Awareness email

    Life is the coexistence of all opposite values. Joy and sorrow, pleasure and pain, up and down, hot and cold, here and there, light and darkness, birth and death. All experience is by contrast, and one would be meaningless without the other.”

    – Deepak Chopra

    Life is full of dualities, opposites. Despite their apparent opposition, each extreme in a duality is necessary to fully actualize the other. Each depends on the existence of the other. For example, we cannot know honesty if we don’t know deception.

    The key is to not resist or suppress the negative. We need to acknowledge its existence, though we may choose not to express it. When we embrace wholeness, we move to a higher perspective.

    “The light which man has discovered within himself makes him more aware of the dark; through the good which attracts him, he sees the evil which is the line of least resistance; the activity leading to pain simultaneously permits him to visualize the contrasting pleasure, and thus he experiences something of both hell and heaven.”

    – Aart Jurriaanse

    Sunday, 13 June 2010 @ 10:01pm

  183. 183: ElayneNo Gravatar says:

    Wow, Mary..that’s interesting about your guy talking too much. Have you told him that?

    I always thought men weren’t very open, but in my experience, they talk A LOT when we are leaning back. It’s like it all just comes out.

    Do you think no one listens to men? And then, the first woman who comes along and listens, watch out!

    Sunday, 13 June 2010 @ 10:08pm

  184. 184: AliciaNo Gravatar says:

    World War 3 just broke out in my house.. So I hope the higher awareness email is true!

    On a scale of 1-10 I’m about a ten pissed off right now… ERRRRGHHHH! I can’t win for loosing it feels AWFUL!

    I have bent over backwards in this house, with my 2nd family cleaning, taking care of pets, plants and care giving, plus, given cards and money. My mom even sent cards to show gratitude and my “adopotive mom” will not stop complaining.. But, not me.. her real daughter who is like my sister.. we’ve known eachother since diapers….

    Am I just going to get triggered more and more every week?? I mean a warning on the home page… Like strap yourself in would be good… (j/k) But, kinda for real…. I did remove myself and write a feeling letter but, I’m for sure moving.. and that is more triggers to face this week.. I hate my child hood trauma. This is such BS!!!!!

    Sunday, 13 June 2010 @ 10:09pm

  185. 185: AliciaNo Gravatar says:

    OH CLARIFY…….. Not that this blog is BS! No no never! I mean the “therapy” feelings involved!!

    Sunday, 13 June 2010 @ 10:09pm

  186. 186: AliciaNo Gravatar says:

    As in the anger.. and bad feelings.. I feel like I just get more and more sensitive..

    Sunday, 13 June 2010 @ 10:10pm

  187. 187: SweetpeaNo Gravatar says:

    I just got done catching up on all that’s been happening here while I was out. Sounds like it’s been quite the night.

    I already expressed my feelings about suggestions, support, etc. so won’t go there again, but it feels horrible to me to read all this. I’m going to resist trying to fix it. I like Rori’s comments. Things were getting a little heated on here before I left and I felt good about it. It was strange because I could tell there were some feelings of anger, but I was thinking, “It’s ok. Everyone’s expressing their feelings.”

    Sunday, 13 June 2010 @ 10:17pm

  188. 188: SweetpeaNo Gravatar says:

    Anyway… now that I’m caught up on everything – I wanted to add that not only am I feeling adored, but I stayed open. It was hard. I had to keep checking myself to make sure I was. But it got easier.

    The best part is that I’m feeling quite leaned back. I made out with Attracted2 tonight and he wanted me to stay & I just told him I think I should go home. And he told me he doesn’t want me to feel uncomfortable and he brought me home. After he made me dinner.

    Now, my behavior in the past would be the analyzing/ obsessing – but I’m not. It’s not there at all! I’m feeling comfortable and safe and happy and blessed. And leaned back. Wow!! This feels awesome!

    Thanks again Rori and all the rest of you!

    Sunday, 13 June 2010 @ 10:22pm

  189. 189: SweetpeaNo Gravatar says:

    Lucy, I don’t think I inspired koolv to do anything. All I did was ask him what not religious meant. Your “preety” little christian self probably inspired him to that. lol

    Hmm… interesting that he wants you to come here (Dorothea, I’m in CO – Lucy if you have a sister in CO Springs, you should come visit!).

    Sounds like you had a fun date. I understand how you’re feeling. Sometimes this CDing is hard. But it makes perfect sense to me that it will help with self-esteem and give us a less pressured place to practice the tools. It’s all worth it I say. I think the hardest part is just the complete change in thinking that I’ve had to go through – am still going through – the “de-programming” if you will.

    Sunday, 13 June 2010 @ 10:28pm

  190. 190: maryNo Gravatar says:

    Elayne,

    hello!

    well, i’m a very good listener. but my ex-husband wore me out. he would work himself up into a tizzy and the more i listened, the madder he would get. it was fascinating to watch. something would set him off – could be anything! – and he’d suddenly be off on a tirade and no amount of listening would calm him down. i thought of different things i might do about it:

    1. i could listen silently, which is completely in line with my very quiet nature.
    (that made him so furious.)

    2. i could actively listen, by nodding my head, occasionally repeating the last words he said and saying things like , “oh, I see!”
    (that had no effect on him.)

    3. i could mimic his behaviour and do the same thing he was doing, back to him.
    (i didn’t feel good doing that. he’d say things to my kids about their dad being a dead-beat dad, and things like that. i didn’t ever trash his kids’ mom, or anyone else, for that matter.)

    4. i could leave the room
    (and that’s how i usually handled it. that made him furious.)

    at the end of the marriage, i figured out something that WORKED.

    it’s almost like when he was talking, he was on stage. you know? like i was the audience, and he was on a soap box.

    so one day, i was analyzing this in my head, and i thought, “hey, what if i was on stage, too?”

    so the next time he got started, i stepped over (as if i was stepping onto the stage), and got into a dramatic state of mind, and just started joining in to his monologue… “Yes! i KNOW!” I’d say… “I can’t EVEN BELIEVE that! and did you see it when she said such and such? i thought I’d just DIE when she said that!”

    that kind of thing.

    when i did that, he looked at me funny, and the corners of his mouth just twitched, as though he was holding back a smile, and suddenly his eyes started glowing. he really didn’t know how to handle it, but he seemed like he enjoyed it.

    and it settled him right down.

    now, when Man in the Woods starts going off into a monologue, i think,

    “wow, i’m so glad i’m not married to him! i don’t have to do this any more. in fact, i’m NOT gonna do it any more.”

    so i don’t think it’s a matter of listening to men who never get listened to.

    i think it’s saying, “hey. this is not normal behaviour and i’d rather have conversations than be a bystander in a monologue.”

    Sunday, 13 June 2010 @ 10:53pm

  191. 191: maryNo Gravatar says:

    and Man in the Woods gets animated and is always talking about “them,” as if he was a victim.

    you know what?

    i don’t like the things he talks about.

    Sunday, 13 June 2010 @ 10:56pm

  192. 192: AnkitaNo Gravatar says:

    Hello Sirens

    Gotta share a lot of things

    1) MarriedMan27 again texted me if he could call me so that we can talk, or don’t talk at all? I replied, ” I didn’t realized you were married. But when you are indeed married, am sorry, but am no longer interested in you. I want to know am the only girl in my guy’s life.”

    And I haven’t heard (fortunately) from him, since then.

    2) On zoosk I found some really cute guys, last time I didn’t send them any message.
    But this time I thought let’s send them this,
    “I feel intrigued by you. In case you wanna contact me, you can drop to me at (my email id).
    Hope you have a great week.
    Ankita..”

    How does this sound???

    3) On a dating site, I found a guy who gave me his number, I gave him mine. He contacted me today morning by text. (Gosh, why do the guys I just meet text? Why don’t they call?)… we exchanged 4-5 texts. I was busy at something, so I just sent him this text, “I feel good getting texts from you. Feel curious to hear your voice. Do call me when you are free.”
    He said, “ok.”

    I feel butterflies in my stomach. I feel little weird. I have never used such feelings messages with guys ever before. It all feels so new and refreshing. Like, I am in my CHARGE…!!!” I have POWER & am FREE TO DO WHAT I WANT…!!!

    Wow…!!

    Sunday, 13 June 2010 @ 11:22pm

  193. 193: KatieNo Gravatar says:

    So much going on here – great post. The chasing him theme is apt just now in my life. Catching up on convos.
    Laters x

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 12:12am

  194. 194: maryNo Gravatar says:

    I just logged onto POF and Island Man was there. DIdn’t bother me in the slightest.

    Total change from a few days ago.

    I’m still amazed.

    And again, I’m asking how it happened. This is IMPORTANT because I’m out of pain. And not obsessing about this guy any more. Figuring out what happened could be crucial to my ability to short-circuit the process in the future.

    It either has to do with:

    1. his complete blunder in saying one thing and doing another?

    2. the fact that i’ve been trying consciously to redirect my thoughts about him?

    3. the way he reminded me of my first husband when he was telling me about the choices he made that led to him not showing up for our date?

    4. circular dating? and the ability to compare him with other, more reliable men? could be…

    5. a combination? a compilation? yes! probably.

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 12:29am

  195. 195: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    I am currently living with a man…..I feel disappointed….about this….I feel scared of … Being valued less and being exclusive due to the situation…..he keeps introducing me to people as his gf……sigh…….

    This all happened because my previous living situation fell apart……I want to be intimate with another….I like my “bf” but …..*ahem* ….. I don’t see a ring on my finger……I feel….ugh…..can I please manifest several thousand dollars for a place of my own…..how do I navigate this? Help.
    I feel angry…..that I allowed myself to be so financially vulnerable. WTF ….. I started packing to spend a week away to gain perspective…..I cringe when I hear him say gf….like he has some right to me……I love this man but……c’mon….WTF is a gf?

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 12:41am

  196. 196: AnkitaNo Gravatar says:

    Amy

    Re#34

    I don’t have the exact program but I heard Daria talking about it somewhere and just noted it down..
    It goes as

    “Rori would say you’d say ‘oh I’m feeling like I’m drifting off to sleep’ and then the guy says … “okay goodnight”
    and you LET HIM BE THE LAST TO SPEAK and you kinda just float off into the night energetically”

    Perhaps this is it…

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 1:00am

  197. 197: AnkitaNo Gravatar says:

    Shannon

    RE#78

    I feel really funny and silly asking you this question, but am so curious I couldn’t stop myself….

    What do you mean by MAN’S FAST? And why were you on it? Pardon if I am being a li’l nosy, but couldn’t stop myself from asking you this..

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 1:02am

  198. 198: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    I cry…..ugh…and I feel like I’m competing…..ugh….I feel triggered by everything……ok not everything but enough.

    So he comes home and sees me packing…. And he acts confused and then the air feels tight to me….. We discussed me going out of state………..ok, maybe not discuss….I told him I was going out of state a week ago but didn’t know when I’d leave….he calls me “aloof” a few hours later. I’m not aloof! I’m broke and require shelter! We wanted to still see eachother without the pressure of living together full time…..(of course I want an engagement)……so I was going to split my time….but now I feel so crummy about everything and triggered at the lack of real commitment I want to leave and never come back(my inner child ranting and seeking revenge for this) I feel confused….I know what I want and he isn’t ready……so while he thinks about it I want to get frisky with a previous lover…..(bcuz it was AMAZiNG:)….. And well, I am single(been celibate for a while) ….. Sigh……why can’t my bf see that this gf thing is stale? He doesn’t want to be pressured but I don’t want to be limited to just him….how do I cd and live with a man? And I am thankful to him….but …it’s only temporary and I feel this anger that it isn’t permanent ……he claims to be the type that “needs room”…. Ok….but I need different……affections while he’s taking up all of his “room”

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 1:03am

  199. 199: AnkitaNo Gravatar says:

    Alicia

    RE#106

    I agree with you…. I have this in my case too… My friend circle has changed.. Am no longer getting attracted to the same people I used to….

    The silliest example regarding this is my study… Just the way we CD and keep our options open, same way i am trying to manage my studies and works, keeping all options open… Lol… :D :D

    I interact differently with my family… they say, I’m changed… I feel amused at myself…!!! Lol… ;)

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 1:05am

  200. 200: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    Yes … He wants to choose to live together and be together not do it because of coincidence and the wind blew me in his direction……but my thoughts are……if he wanted me…would it matter? I’ve lived on my own since I was 17…..now I got jammed up…… And he expressed wanting us to live together and I said no I want to be married….not a gf…..and now look!! Here I am a gf only because we live together…..where is the leverage in living with a man? I did squeeze in a date but …….I feel so pressured to be loyal…..ugh……what is the reward in that…..? And when I leave I don’t think I’ll be able to really date due to the location…..and I’m going to have to look for a new job and I don’t want to leave my job here!!! And I just came off a man fast that lasted MONTHS…..

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 1:12am

  201. 201: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Tina – it was from an american native story. its quoted on this essay i got on my blog now, like 3 posts back, i think its like pride of the warrior… i like how the essay talks about teh warrior as she

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 1:16am

  202. 202: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    I want to scream” I Hate you “, repeatedly…..at him while he sleeps…..I must be angry at myself……I love my anger.

    Why would I create this?

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 1:16am

  203. 203: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    If I give a “no girlfriend” speech, I’ll have no place to live, and yet I love this man ……or like him or whatever but I feel turned off by this lukewarm commitment….am I being impossible and greedy?

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 1:21am

  204. 204: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    I don’t feel greedy….I feel hungry…..I feel sad…..I feel trapped by my own financial mistakes. I don’t want to leave the state!

    And why is it that he doesn’t want to live together full time but when I’m away or preparing to go away….he thinks I’m angry or being weird or…..something….some complaint about the way I do things……when I’m respecting his boundaries and creating some fun and release for me…WTF ?

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 1:26am

  205. 205: maryNo Gravatar says:

    Nikita!

    hello again!

    i’m so glad to see you!

    i’m listening…

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 2:13am

  206. 206: maryNo Gravatar says:

    i read somewhere that to be disappointed in yourself
    is to have believed in yourself.

    and the end of believing in yourself
    is when you begin to learn.

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 2:15am

  207. 207: maryNo Gravatar says:

    Nikita,

    you left so mysteriously, saying you were gonna be celibate.

    i thought you were becoming a nun!

    haha.

    i guess not.

    i went through a hermit period of two years. TWO YEARS!!!!

    too long…

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 2:21am

  208. 208: maryNo Gravatar says:

    for me…

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 2:21am

  209. 209: maryNo Gravatar says:

    “you feel turned off by this lukewarm commitment” –
    that sounds really legit to me…

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 2:23am

  210. 210: maryNo Gravatar says:

    i feel free of attachments to any man right now.

    (as of yesterday!)

    it feels pretty wonderful.

    i wonder how long it can last?

    i wouldn’t want it to last forever… i want to be attached, when my mind and my heart are in synch about it. i just don’t want my heart to open itself before it makes sense to my intellect.

    that’s what happened with Island Man. it’s like i was screaming at myself, “you don’t even KNOW him!” and “he’s not coming your way like you would like him to!”

    how then, did my heart get so involved, without my permission?

    and why has it suddenly let go? without my understanding?

    i must meld the two. be of one heart and mind. be in synch with myself. not at odds with myself.

    this is my challenge today…

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 2:38am

  211. 211: maryNo Gravatar says:

    and probably a lot of it has to do with my ideas about sex. and my desire to wait for the ring.

    oh! the ring.

    and how not to make that my quest? and how to put this desire to rest! without the ring… what is best?

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 2:41am

  212. 212: maryNo Gravatar says:

    man in the woods called me selfish.

    i felt a flash of something… anger? when he said it. i mean, it’s BAD FORM to say the word selfish. maybe i felt repelled. or just ugh… don’t say that! not to anyone! even if it’s true.

    he wants to have me for himself.

    he says he wants “someone” to “see” him.

    he wants “someone” to come his way.

    he wants “someone” to want to be with only him.

    he says, “we have the best time together and then you’re back on plenty of fish…”

    (yes, i’m just answering emails… it would be selfish not to answer them.)

    he says he wonders if i’m a taker.

    good grief. that sounds childish to me.

    the last guy was worried that i was too much of a giver.

    i don’t have to do this kindergarten banter back and forth.

    do i?

    NO.

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 2:49am

  213. 213: maryNo Gravatar says:

    i have soooooooo much to do before i leave town again.

    God, please give me clarity for all the things that need to get done tomorrow and the next day, and the next day.

    and please, God! the money is yours, anyway. i just want to learn, please, to be a good steward of what i have left. and not dwindle it away in foolishness.

    please give me wisdom.

    i want to share!

    God, please give me wisdom and prosperity and I’ll share with Daria, and she won’t have to market herself!

    haha.

    please give me a sense for marketing myself.

    please just let me enjoy the work.

    work is good for the soul.

    i feel happy to have work to do.

    thank you, God!

    God, also please help Nikita.

    and all of the other sirens here.

    thank you!!!

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 2:54am

  214. 214: maryNo Gravatar says:

    g’nite…

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 2:55am

  215. 215: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Alicia, RE: #106 – You said, “There is no way you stay the same person doing all this… It’s has to effect alot of areas in your life, I feel hopeful that it would… and helps me figure why my friends are litterally dropping off and new ones coming in..”

    LOL! I love it! I feel the same way! Last night I was praying…and suddenly I laughed out loud like crazy as I realized I was even giving GOD feeling messages! :-) I think He laughed too! I think God loves leaning back and feeling messages! :-)

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 3:05am

  216. 216: maryNo Gravatar says:

    ok.

    my mind is still at it.

    my circular dating lineup:

    man in the woods?
    old flame (?) – he isn’t before me (yet)
    music man
    fisherman
    bridge builder man
    boat man
    pilot man
    younger man
    -and-
    new handsome man

    hmmmmm…

    it’s interesting and fun to spend time with each one of these guys, for one reason or another.

    i like this time in my life.

    now, which ones of these men have i kissed?

    man in the woods
    music man
    (old flame – years ago…)

    NOW! which ones of these men would i want to kiss?

    pilot man
    younger man
    new handsome man

    which ones would i never want to kiss?

    bridge builder man
    boat man

    okay!

    then why did i tell bridge builder man i’d go out with him this week?

    my precious week before i go home for a month?

    that was not wise.

    was it?

    he might have a message!

    sure.

    not so unwise…

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 3:11am

  217. 217: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Shannon, RE: #126 – You said, “Why didn’t you stop? When you felt like crying, why didn’t you stop?”

    I hear you, yet I think if I were in that situation. In CDing, I don’t WANT to. I WANT to be with Ryan. But I can’t. He’s the one who thrills me, when he’s behaving.

    Maybe it’s the same way with Juicy Lucy…she doesn’t WANT to CD. She doesn’t WANT to be with a big kid. She WANTS to be with TN Man. But she can’t.

    I dunno. but my feeling is that a whole lot of this is to move past our comfort zones and just learn new skills and open ourselves to experiencing new energy. I feel a lil confused cuz I think I woulda done the same thing as Lucy. Her heart wasn’t into it. Mine isn’t either, which is the #1 reason why I’ve been listening to Rori’s seminars for over a year and am only now starting to CD.

    So far, so miserable…last night was a new dude, Q, and he asked me to text or call, cuz he wasn’t into emailing. Neither am I, cuz I’m wanting real people. So I texted him. He texted back. I texted back a perfect feeling message. He texted back asking for a nice photo. I sent him a photo of a ferris wheel (*giggles!!*) followed by a text saying I’d feel more comfortable getting better acquainted before I sent him a pic of myself (he saw my photos on my profile).

    No answer.

    Typical. I am totally forcing myself to do this. I joined OKCupid last night and Match the night before, in addition to several not-as-well-known ones I’m already on (www.christianpassions.com; http://www.largepassions.com; nativeamericanpassions.com). Whooptie-thrill! I miss Ryan. Yuck!

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 3:29am

  218. 218: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Tallgirl,

    Hi! Just thot I’d add my two cents to all your conversations. No one here wants you to leave, and Daria said she feels welcoming to you.

    When you ask people their thots and feelings on you and your situations, you gotta expect at least SOME controversy. Not everyone is going to think and feel the same way.

    I used to see a counselor, and when I turned down his advice one time, he said, “I’m not going to waste my time counseling you if you’re not going to do what I say!”

    I told him, “I have a right to believe, think, and feel the way I want to. I alone am answerable to God for my words and actions, no one else. I believe there’s safety in a multitude of counsel, but that doesn’t mean I’m obligated to do everything everyone suggests to me.”

    He didn’t like that at all, as I knew he wouldn’t, and that was the last time I went to him for counseling. Since then, I’ve been to counselors who, when I ask, “How should I handle such-and-such?”, answer, “How do YOU think you should handle it?” Sometimes it’s frustrating, but I’ve come to see that as a mark of a mature counselor.

    And then I begin to reason and feel out loud. Often when I process what’s inside, I come up with my own solid answer. I sense you need to process too when you write things out here. I know I do, and it really helps. How do you feel about that?

    I still like to get input from others, weigh the in-between ideas, and come up with a creative solution. It’s all very valuable. And sometimes people who give us advice are deeper than us in a certain area, and they really know what they are talking about. They see it so clearly while maybe we haven’t grown that deeply yet.

    I felt wisdom in Daria’s words. She herself has grown a lot and has been helped so deeply by Rori’s techniques. She wants to help you and she feels frustrated when you turn down her wisdom.

    But maybe you aren’t there yet, or maybe it just isn’t for you.

    Okay, I am done being the house den mother. Can’t seem to mind my own bidness! LOL! But I care and I want us all to get along.

    You all are like the sisters I never had. I love you all!

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 4:09am

  219. 219: maryNo Gravatar says:

    okay… back to my lineup.

    which ones would i seriously want to date?

    old flame
    pilot man
    younger man
    -maybe- new handsome man

    and which ones could i see marrying?

    old flame

    I JUST KNOW it will be Old Flame.

    hands down.

    yes! he’s not before me. YET.
    he doesn’t exist. YET.
    he does call me. NOW.
    we do speak the same language. NOW.
    we do laugh at the same everything. NOW.

    so we’ll see. when the time comes, we’ll see!

    and all this information that i’m collecting from other guys will help me make and informed, good decision when the time comes.

    hopefully!

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 4:18am

  220. 220: maryNo Gravatar says:

    make “AN” informed, good decision

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 4:19am

  221. 221: Simply ShannonNo Gravatar says:

    I realized last night who different I see things. That my perspective completely shades everything I see.

    Lucy, when you describe your date, I “see” it completely different. It’s like you’re describing the view from the top of the building… and I’m inside on the 1st floor. I can’t even “see” what you see. What I “see” is a woman feeling like crying, and the man being completely clueless of that fact. No wonder the man falls for the woman and is completely addicted. He has no idea she feels bad even when she’s at her most vulnerable (re: sex). He only “sees” this woman who is rocking his world. Again, that’s just MY visual. I feel very understanding if this is not how you perceived the date. I really get that now.

    Nikita: Is this the Nikita that talked about going to the convent?

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 6:48am

  222. 222: LindaNo Gravatar says:

    WOW I have had to do a lot of reading to get caught up.

    SS: enjoy your fast. Each day in it will bring new revelation. Wait on the daily direction, and try to keep from thinking what you will do on July 1. The times I have fasted have been so helpful for clarity but it wasnt until I began to focus on that day and not the end of it that I gleaned the most from it. Fasting is a wonderful tool. Used in so many situations in life. I am excited to learn from you as you do it.

    Tall girl: The feeling I get when I read your posts is that you are truly wrestling and seeking answers for a place of rest and peace. I have done, thought, said, comtemplated, felt, the same things you have. My heart hear and goes out to you. Love yourself first, honor you and stay tuned into how you feel. They are like bread crumb trails that are traceable to their source. Try tracing them see what is there. maybe you could invest your energy there for a bit to settle within and then the stuff that life and guys throw at you wont distrupt or cause you pause. I stopped my mental olympics with painting myself in love and wrangling in thoughts that did not serve and support me, or my goals. Oddly doing that small step led me to so much more strength and peace.

    ……

    I am on a journey… I have found so much here that has empowered me. My biggest struggle is speaking with feeling messages. Speaking my truth comes out all boy energy, but I am slowly getting it balanced. I have been told my many over the years that they appreciate the clarity and directness with how I communicate. I am practicing and always challanged to add a feeling message in with it. It is not natural for me. Telling people how I feel feels like I am revealing something sacred and secret about me….Not sure where that comes from but I am whittiling at it little by little. Or should I say baby steps….

    I do like this…. verrrry much….. ”Is his BEHAVIOR toward me what I want?”

    “Is he BEHAVING” like a man who’s into me?”

    “Do I feel relaxed about it all because he’s clearly into me and allowing me to feel GOOD?”

    SUCH GOOOOD advise and reminders for me. Questions like these and answering them honestly not only keeps my thoughts clearly on track…(toward my goal of having a fantastic satisfying relationship)… but because of my goal and promise to myself… they hold my feet to the fire. To speak my truth (which is so liberating and brings a inner peace). As time goes I am getting more proficient at it and am a happier, and a more content me. It is like non-stick spray happened to me on the inside now… and thing that used to burn and stick just dont affect me anymore. That makes me smile inside and out.

    Hugs… Linda

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 6:48am

  223. 223: KikiNo Gravatar says:

    I was involved with someone, we were having a great time together, then he withdrew, so I asked about it. His response was, “I was waiting for you to make the next move. I was putting in all the effort and you weren’t doing anything. I needed to feel as though you liked me too.”

    I thought I was doing what I’m supposed to do, sit back, receive, etc.

    I don’t get it?

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 6:57am

  224. 224: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Kiki,

    Can you share the specifics of your last interaction or so?

    When you were giving feeling messages, were you saying stuff like, “It feels so good to be with you!” etc? I found my last man really responded positively to that sort of thing.

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 7:39am

  225. 225: Amy FNo Gravatar says:

    Kiki,
    In my short experience, feeling messages should more than communicate your interest. If I am happy with someone, I tell him – “I feel really happy right now”. I smile and listen and I say what I feel in the moment. This is more than enough to show interest.
    Kiki, I have learned that there are some men who have lots of female energy. They need a woman who is going to do the work in a relationship like a man. and they are focused on the relationship. They don’t feel comfortable carrying the ball and running with it. I was such an overfunctioning woman, I could not even see who I was with before I started using Rori’s tools. I felt resentful because I did all the work, carried the conversation etc. This man sounds like a man with lots of female energy. He wants you to do some of the work.

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 7:47am

  226. 226: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    SS,

    Yes it is

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 7:53am

  227. 227: KikiNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Brenda, and Amy F.,

    After reading your comments, I’m realizing that I wasn’t using any or enough feeling messages. I tend to bottle up and keep everything to myself. I get scared that if I say how I feel, I’ll get hurt. Since I had that conversation with him, I’ve been telling him things like I miss him and I’m thinking of him, but he now seems so withdrawn, whereas before his pullback, he was coming toward me with a lot of interest, saying thigs like I am always on his mind, etc. Like many of us on this blog, I’m trying to find a way to return things between us to how they were before. I don’t mind giving energy to a relationship but I feel it should be equal. As Amy F. states, most of us don’t feel comfortable in the overfunctioning role! I will try using more feeling messages with him.

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 8:00am

  228. 228: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Kiki,

    I hope things turn around for you. Here’s another example of something you could say at the right juncture…

    Let’s say he says, “I was waiting for you to make the next move. I was putting in all the effort and you weren’t doing anything. I needed to feel as though you liked me too.” (as you said above)

    You could say, “Oh, that feels so weird! That’s not the way I feel at all! I feel deeply attracted to you!”

    I wonder if this could be a case where a little overfunctioning would be in order, as a means of damage control.

    ~ The Queen of Overfunctioning

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 8:11am

  229. 229: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Yeah, if it were me, I’d make him a sammich!

    YUM!

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 8:12am

  230. 230: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    I feel bored using boy energy. I want a job using girl energy. I like feelings. I like people. I like psychology.

    Can I go home now?

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 10:29am

  231. 231: TinaNo Gravatar says:

    SS, yes I did. I cant quite put my finger on my feeling but it was very subtle feeling of something, something being taken away from me.

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 10:37am

  232. 232: KikiNo Gravatar says:

    Hey Brenda,

    Yes, good advice. I did say things similar to what you suggested, as a form of damage control, as you say. He is still withdrawn. I feel like I ruined things between he and I due to my inability to share my feelings! My my, when will I get things right!

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 10:48am

  233. 233: AnkitaNo Gravatar says:

    I feel angry.

    I feel really mad at that bitch.

    Isn’t she content with snatching away my ex from me?

    Now I am having a good time in my life, and she keeps resurfacing again and again, for worse.

    I feel frustrated, damn, what’s going on, wtf?

    Don’t I have the right to live a happy life? Why she keeps coming back to make me feel unhappy always?
    Fuck u damn
    fuck u bitch
    You made my life living hell, what the hell do you want?Aren’t you content yet???

    I don’t like it when this good for nothing girl was preferred over me, just coz I did every wrong thing in right place…

    I don’t like it when she keeps resurfacing every now and then..

    I don’t like it when the simple mention of her name sets my blood boiling…

    I don’t like it when I can’t get her out of my mind and I feel hatred towards her. It brings me pain…

    I may have claimed many guys, but with my ex, I feel like a loser, I feel like, she is grinning at me, saying, “Look at yourself, you damn aspiring engineer Ankita Shrivastava… What are you so proud of? Your looks, talents, what???? It’s of no worth, you couldn’t save your guy, just coz you did all the wrong things in right place… & your loss is my gain…”

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 10:58am

  234. 234: AnkitaNo Gravatar says:

    I feel angry.

    I feel really mad at that bitch.

    Isn’t she content with snatching away my ex from me?

    Now I am having a good time in my life, and she keeps resurfacing again and again, for worse.

    I feel frustrated, damn, what’s going on, wtf?

    Don’t I have the right to live a happy life? Why she keeps coming back to make me feel unhappy always?
    F**k u damn
    f**k u bitch
    You made my life living hell, what the hell do you want?Aren’t you content yet???

    I don’t like it when this good for nothing girl was preferred over me, just coz I did every wrong thing in right place…

    I don’t like it when she keeps resurfacing every now and then..

    I don’t like it when the simple mention of her name sets my blood boiling…

    I don’t like it when I can’t get her out of my mind and I feel hatred towards her. It brings me pain…

    I may have claimed many guys, but with my ex, I feel like a loser, I feel like, she is grinning at me, saying, “Look at yourself, you damn aspiring engineer Ankita Shrivastava… What are you so proud of? Your looks, talents, what???? It’s of no worth, you couldn’t save your guy, just coz you did all the wrong things in right place… & your loss is my gain…”

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 10:59am

  235. 235: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Kiki,

    I hope you’re not beating yourself up! We are all mostly taught to subdue our feelings from the earliest age. That’s a big part of Rori’s work, too, to help us learn HOW to unzip our hearts.

    I felt deeply moved in the CD seminar where she had a woman come to the front and hold a flower…then describe the flower. The woman burst into tears as it brought up sadness and loneliness in her. It was really beautiful.

    The woman felt embarrassed to be crying over something as simple as a flower. But that is a prime example of what feeling creatures we are…often a soup of many, mixed emotions.

    Would it feel good for you to practice exercises like that by yourself? You could hold simple household objects then say out loud the feelings that come up. You can also practice on here…it really helps to get that stuff up and out of us, either in black and white or audibly!

    Then when it starts to flow spontaneously, it’s really beautiful! Practice feeling messages on everyone with whom you cross paths! It’s fun, and it’s powerful communication!

    I feel optimistically hopeful that you will grow thru this, despite your present pain.

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 11:00am

  236. 236: AnkitaNo Gravatar says:

    Now, I don’t care if even in his whole lifetime my ex realizes this or not, but there was only one Ankita, and that Ankita was the best thing that had ever happened to him, no matter what…..

    I admit i did mistakes, but i did learn from them, and vowed never to commit them again,

    He doesn’t knows what he is missing… Yuck…!!

    I deserve the best man, and he was perhaps the worst thing that ever happened to me….

    he deserves that b***h only…. He doesn’t suits me damn….

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 11:02am

  237. 237: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Hi beautiful Ankita,

    Sorry you are hurting today. Where is she surfacing?

    Would you rather be with a man who rapes you and calls it love?

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 11:03am

  238. 238: TinaNo Gravatar says:

    I saw my “husband” in the shopping centre, he looke d at me, but I just walked past him, he was with his “girlfriend” I was with truckman. He looked and had a deer in the headlights look. Coffee waiter boy, stopped and said hello, he was very cheery and happy to see me and I was happy to see him. truckman does not like him at all! truckman says its not about me anymore, its about “respect” I said I personally think he is gay but ok whatever lol. Coffee waiter guy was with another man after all. Oh and “gym man” was there , he gave me a passing hello and wave and this guy I instantly felt attracted too , we locked eyes and it was on well for a minute or so.

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 11:05am

  239. 239: AnkitaNo Gravatar says:

    I feel angry

    I feel frustrated…

    i wanna take out my anger at something…

    I am not a boxer, but if I had some kickboxing bag, I would have taken out all my anger on it…

    I don’t like it when her simple name sets my blood boiling….

    I feel ashamed of myself that I have no control over my anger, when I see her name or worse, her…. The hatred can be seen in my eyes at that moment….

    i don’t want that….. I want myself to be indifferent to her… after all , who the heck is she????? who is she???? she is no one… she is nothing….. in my life, it’s only me….. MEEEEE…..

    I am the only one who matters….. she doesn’t……

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 11:07am

  240. 240: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Ankita,

    How does the anger feel? How does your body feel?

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 11:09am

  241. 241: AnkitaNo Gravatar says:

    Brenda

    On orkut, we have a mutual friend…. i didn’t notice it at first.. But then I saw her, and that did set my blood boiling…..

    I don’t call him “my love”, but i didn’t like it when I wasn’t preferred over her…..

    that’s the only thing which hurted me….

    And well, he never deserved me, but someday, even just for a moment, i longed to see love for me in his eyes, and whenever i see her, that pain becomes alive….

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 11:10am

  242. 242: AnkitaNo Gravatar says:

    Brenda

    ANGER…….

    It gives me pain… it makes me feel shallow…..
    Just a few posts above i wrote, i am in my charge, and right now am feeling like, i have lost all charge….

    my shoulders have dropped down, i feel like i can’t feel it anymore… i can feel my fingers clenching to such an extent, that it like begins to aching….

    i feel like i have no power in my fists at the moment, but still feel like hitting….. in air….

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 11:14am

  243. 243: AnkitaNo Gravatar says:

    Brenda

    pardon me if am not able to fully express my feelings, am new to this, am taking little time….. to feel and then find the right words to express them….

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 11:15am

  244. 244: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Ankita,

    He wasn’t worthy of you. Someday you will be with a beautiful, loving, adoring man, and when you think about Painman, you will thank your Higher Power that you were still available when YOUR love of a lifetime comes along! Picture that! Imagine that!

    Painman is incapable of real love. It wasn’t you…it was him. I bet you this current woman is suffering, too. It sounds like he belongs in prison, not in the arms of another woman. :-(

    Can you sink into your feelings and love them? Can you process your anger and pain?

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 11:17am

  245. 245: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Ankita,

    You are feeling your feelings well! And, there’s no right or wrong. Is there a pillow available you can pound with your fists? Or a bed?

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 11:19am

  246. 246: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    How does it feel to feel powerless and out of control?

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 11:20am

  247. 247: AnkitaNo Gravatar says:

    But Brenda

    He said that he was happy with this girl, and wrote lovely but superficial things about her in his id, that she brings the best in his life, and has changed him, and he cant take a single breath without her…

    You know what, i know he isn’t changed… even today, it would just take me 5 minutes to seduce him, that’s why he still wanted to have sex with me , which i refused….

    and she also looks happy (that girl is very compromising), and that make me feel like, i was wrong somehow, or no….???

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 11:23am

  248. 248: TinaNo Gravatar says:

    I remember a guy a long time ago, i was sitting in a bus, he was on the street passing by, he couldnt stop staring at me, I blew him a kiss and he laughed and kept walking :)

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 11:25am

  249. 249: AnkitaNo Gravatar says:

    Brenda

    Yes… i have a pillow and bed right beside me…. should i work out my anger on them???

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 11:25am

  250. 250: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Shannon, I understand what you are saying….but it’s like I can see it from the top of the building AND from inside the room ….both.

    The reason he falls for me is not because he is clueless to my feelings, but because he is drawn in by the fact that I allow myself to feel all these different things, process them, and do whatever I choose to do with those feelings — all without pushing any of the responsibility onto HIM for my feelings. I have shared my genuine feelings with him all along the way — from our first online contact all the way through last night’s experience. He has learned that I respect and honor my own feelings and choose my own actions. These men see me walking out when I want to walk out and staying when I want to stay — and not sedating or controlling my emotions by AVOIDING them.

    Last night was not one continuous make-out session . . . I backed away when I wanted to and let him close when I wanted to, buttoned up when I wanted to and unbuttoned when I wanted to, following my feelings, expressing my feelings all the way. A couple times I even said I felt like I might want to leave but wasn’t sure yet. Completely free and open. .”

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 11:27am

  251. 251: AnkitaNo Gravatar says:

    Brenda

    POWERLESS….

    It feels bad…. we are women…. we have the ultimate power over relationships,,,, we have the power over all….. and i feel powerless…. it feels yuck…!!
    it feels shameful….

    OUT OF CONTROL

    i can feel my head tilted back a little, eyes closed, jaws clenched, and getting really upset, coz i don’t like to be out of control…..

    i don’t want to control my feelings, but i want to have control over who is capable of making me angry and who isn’t….
    i don’t like it when the people who i hate, make me angry…..

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 11:30am

  252. 252: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Ankita,

    If it would help you to get out your anger, pound away on the bed and pillow! It would feel a little more empowering than pounding thin air! :-)

    If you are looking at his profile on the computer, are you on your bridge?

    Where does Ankita’s bridge lead? What are your goals? What is your P.O.P. (Purpose On the Planet)? Who is your ideal man? Who are you going out with this weekend?

    Of course it’s natural to think of the man you loved and gave so much of yourself to. But like you said, this is about you…YOU and YOUR feelings. It’s okay to feel your anger and pain.

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 11:30am

  253. 253: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Tina,

    That’s cool that you blew a kiss to him! I used to get really bent out of shape when people looked at me intensely. Now I just smile. I think sometime I’ll step out of my comfort zone and blow a kiss like that!

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 11:34am

  254. 254: AnkitaNo Gravatar says:

    Brenda

    I don’t know why, but while i was resting today afternoon, i felt like someone is about to come….

    it was my instinct, i felt like i could sense it, it felt like someone is coming to rescue me out of this cage, it felt like a knight in shining Armour who is coming to save a damsel-in-distress….

    it felt like someone is coming near me, someone is coming to me, for me…

    it brought tears in my eyes…. and the ambiance went so great i can’t explain… i looked out of my window, it was all raining, i love rains, the winds blew through my face, bringing my long hairs on my face a little, and then i felt like, someone is coming….

    i don’t know how true my intuition will be, though….

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 11:35am

  255. 255: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Ankita,

    You are doing a great job sinking into your feelings! What are you going to do with your anger, pain, powerlessness, and hatred?

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 11:37am

  256. 256: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Ankita,

    That’s wonderful! BELIEVE that he is coming! It’s the Law of Attraction at work! The Secret! You just keep envisioning him coming, and he will! Operate as if he is on his way…prepare for him! :-)

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 11:39am

  257. 257: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Lucy,

    That is really cool how you handled yourself! What a Siren! :-)

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 11:40am

  258. 258: TinaNo Gravatar says:

    “almost love” feels far more thrilling.

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 11:40am

  259. 259: AnkitaNo Gravatar says:

    Brenda

    Ankita’s bridge leads to her knight in shining Armour, for whom she is meant to be…. i want my guy to come to me someday, crossing all his path obstacles, just come and take me….

    my goal are to lead a happy life…. full of feelings and love….

    my P.O.P is to live happily, and wherever i go, to make the environment happy….

    my ideal man is someone who will love me so much, he won’t ever risk losing me… when i lay in his arms, i wanna feel the world has come to a halt.. when i look into his eyes, i wanna see only my image back….. when he happens to me, i wanna feel like he is the best thing which ever happened to me…. someone who is so masculine and a knight in shining armour, who will make me feel so safe with him…. who will accept me the way i am.. who will take all my pains on himself…. who will love me so much, that with him, every day it would feel like, we just did met…..

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 11:42am

  260. 260: TinaNo Gravatar says:

    He looked like a very angry “cat in the hat”

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 11:46am

  261. 261: AnkitaNo Gravatar says:

    Brenda

    with my anger, pain, powerlessness, and hatred, i am going to love and embrace them, after all they are mine…

    Right now, I am feeling a strange but great combo of 6 feelings, anger, pain, powerlessness, hatred, loving and warm… The last 2 feelings are of when I think of my prince in shining Armour….

    But I feel so alone without him, i feel like i want him to come and hold my hand, i want him to say no matter what, he won’t ever leave my side, i want us to complement each other so much that when we walk together people say, “look, one of the world’s really special couple….”

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 11:50am

  262. 262: TinaNo Gravatar says:

    There is definitely something very doctor seuseish about him when he is angry. im not sure I like doctor suese very much. intangalbe feelings, feels intangable, feels like finding my g spot hahahahahahaaahaha!

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 11:56am

  263. 263: TinaNo Gravatar says:

    or not finding it i mean. two kids, mom is missing, i feel abandoned ahaha! damn fish!

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 11:59am

  264. 264: TinaNo Gravatar says:

    a very crazy angry who? how can i respect someone that looks like a crazed angry who?

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 12:00pm

  265. 265: TinaNo Gravatar says:

    call 911, that will fix the crazed angry who!

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 12:02pm

  266. 266: Simply ShannonNo Gravatar says:

    No Lucy. You can’t see them both, because the “inside the building” is ME. It’s my experiences, my thoughts, my feelings, my rose colored glasses. No one can see or feel things exactly like I can see/feel them. That’s what makes me “me”. I feel a little unheard and resistant.

    Hmmm. [note: Lucy, this is not about you. This is just me thinking outloud.] Why do I feel so resistant and angry? Yeah, I feel mad. I feel bad when I say something and it’s rejected or folded in. Why do I bother giving advice? Why do I bother sharing my experience when it’s rejected or downplayed? I don’t want to feel rejected but I don’t want to assume what I say will be rejected. I don’t want to be isolated or alone.

    I love my fear of loneliness.

    I love my rejected feelings and my rejected words.

    I love my courage to say those words in spite of my fear.

    I don’t want to feel afraid.

    I want to feel safe and protected.

    Phew.

    My images…

    Beach.

    Porch swing.

    Spooning.

    Sigh.

    Yep. Safety and comfort. <– That is what I want.

    Gosh, I feel like crying. I have a smile on my face too. Happy tears.

    I don't want to do this advice thingy anymore. It feels bad. Not sure how often I'm going to have to kick that dog before I'm sure it's dead, but I'm going to stop doing what I've been doing.

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 12:04pm

  267. 267: Simply ShannonNo Gravatar says:

    Tina: Spill the beans chicka. I feel clueless reading the cryptic “Who-Ville” posts. :-) And I feel nosy. I was feeling so hopeful about things between you and Truckman. He was hanging in there and it felt good reading how you were handling yourself.

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 12:07pm

  268. 268: Wonder WomanNo Gravatar says:

    Wow….I haven’t yet managed to read all of these posts but once again I am sitting here seeing myself reflected in the posts I am reading. I have so been resisting the tools expecially the circular dating. I know I have come a long way but this is the one area I am struggling with. I just find the idea of dating guys so scary. I am scared I will fall in love with every guy I meet, I am scared I will become obsessed and he will make me feel sad and I will end up feeling depressed. I am scared I will not enjoy myself….I am scared, scared, scared….!!

    but….I also know I was once scared of diving into a pool, I was scared of getting on a horse, I have been scared of many things but I have overcome them….and I am going to do this. EE man is not stepping up….I have become bored of waiting…..I am becoming bored of all the men who do not show signs of stepping up. I have more important and interesting things to do than worry about someone who cannot be bothered to make any effort for me.

    I spent a few weeks trying to convince myself I was over the man thing and I was better off on my own….but I know that is just a convienient excuse not to circular date.

    So I just agreed to a date with a guy who has been asking me for months and who I have resisted going on a date with for no particular reason other than I am scared and nervous….!! I am dipping my toe in the water. I feel anxious but I am going to do this because I cannot justify how many times I will sit here agreeing with all the posts on this site and resisting to do what I know is the best thing just because I am scared.

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 12:08pm

  269. 269: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Mary – Circular Dating is not for gathering information about who you’re gonna marry… it’s for therapy FOR YOU so you become a more Sireny Siren. Only then will your prince charming be able to see you and get to you.

    What do you think about stopping this analysis, and diving into the feelings…

    for example the ANGER you felt – theres so much there to work with… I don’t think I’ve heard much about feeling anger from you

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 12:09pm

  270. 270: Simply ShannonNo Gravatar says:

    Nikita: I wondered what happened to you! Did you go to the convent? Tell me about your man fast? I feel intently curious that you were on a man fast but dating. Did I read that right?

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 12:10pm

  271. 271: LindaNo Gravatar says:

    Ankita… assuming what someone or his new girlfriend may or may not think… beating yourself up …. just doesnt fall in the good category, (unless you are sinking down into the feelings and riffing up out of them)….

    When I read what you wrote, (#230) I feel sad. These like things I used to say to myself. I would tear myself down all the time. You might think SHE is thinking or saying these things, but really they are YOUR own feelings surfacing about how you feel inside. That is what I found was true about me. When things did not go as I wanted or whatever, I would tell and say and think terrible things about myself.

    Please give yourself a hug…. I remember someone on here saying, (probably Rori)…. that you can not say or do the wrong thing with the right man.

    Hugs Linda

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 12:10pm

  272. 272: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Ankita,

    That’s some beautiful stuff you wrote!

    After you process the anger, can you let it transform into love?

    I’m 46, and I am a true romantic. I have wanted to be a wife and a mother since I can remember, since childhood. In my teens, I had my life all mapped out. I was going to meet my future husband at age 18, marry by age 21, and then have 4 children in my 20s.

    I thought it would just happen.

    But by the time I reached 25, I realized consciously how emotionally damaged I was from too much yelling and criticism. I realized I had missed a lot of social and emotional development because I had unconsciously isolated myself to avoid the pain of people.

    I have been finding my way ever since, learning how to get along with and love people in a productive, harmonious way.

    Now at age 46, many of my friends are not only mothers, but grandmothers! And I am still me, feeling still 25, and never had a child.

    No one can promise you it will happen this week or this year, but with Rori and her loving tools as our secret weapons, we are well-armed to develop the healthiest, most loving relationships on the planet!

    I hope you focus on developing your personal interests and talents, with or without a man, and learn to be happy and loving, with or without a man! I am speaking to myself, also, because I am still finding out how to do that.

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 12:11pm

  273. 273: Simply ShannonNo Gravatar says:

    Wonder Woman: Reading your post just now has me wondering if part of the reason I’m on my Man Fast right now is because I feel nervous about circular dating again. I kind of backed off it when I was seeing Mr. Fab Kisser.

    Ah heck. Who am I kidding. I feel nervous to CD again. There. I said it. ;-)

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 12:12pm

  274. 274: TinaNo Gravatar says:

    SS, he said he was “keeping the door open” for me. im not sure waht he means. but yeah he’s keeping the door open for me. I left, there is a charactor in dr suess, he reminds me of. I have to go to do some research, if i see the pic ill know WHO lol it is.

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 12:13pm

  275. 275: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Ankita,

    Here is a poem I wrote when I was 26…

    Go Ahead, Break My Heart

    Step into my heart, see what you find
    I offer all I’ve got, so please be kind
    I open the drawbridge; here is the key
    What you are seeing now is the real me

    I make myself vulnerable; I’m fragile and tender
    Inside I’m a child, and I’m weak at the center
    I’ve stored lots of love up to give it away
    I need to be loved; what more can I say?

    I open up my heart; you hand it back in pieces
    This pain never ends; this heartache never ceases
    I slam shut the drawbridge; snatch back the key
    The trust I offered you again will never be

    I will build a wall and say forget it all

    Inside the wall of me, I am safe and secure
    You cannot reach me here; I am hidden and obscure
    I’m a self-sustaining castle; unreachable by pain
    Loneliness is my only companion; fear is my only gain

    Better to love and lose again, you see
    Than to suffer alone endlessly
    When you give away something as precious as love
    It’s never for nothing in the eyes from above

    The best things in life are free, but they cost a lot
    Things like wisdom and love can’t be bought
    Opposites go in pairs, wisdom and mistakes
    Can’t have one without the other, love and heartaches

    To say love is bliss is to say humans are flawless
    Next time I open up my heart, I’ll still be reckless and lawless
    I will pour out my love with the carefree ardor
    Of a waterfall smashing down on the rocks, like a martyr

    Step into my heart, see what you find
    I offer all I’ve got, so please be kind
    I open the drawbridge; here is the key
    What you are seeing now is the real me

    I make myself vulnerable; I’m fragile and tender
    Inside I’m a child, and I’m weak at the center
    I’ve stored lots of love up to give it away
    I need to be loved; what more can I say?

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 12:16pm

  276. 276: TinaNo Gravatar says:

    He thinks I will “fall in love” the way he is used too, the way of feeling insecure, needy blah, this is what he wants.

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 12:24pm

  277. 277: AnkitaNo Gravatar says:

    Linda

    You are 100% right…. they are my own feelings… I felt like a loser the moment I saw her… That moment I felt like, what’s the use of my looks, talent, career, love when he’s with a woman who is not good looking, not talented, just having a casual degree..!!??

    But now I feel ok with it… Am ok with not being with him… the simple picture of my knight in shining armour makes my heart melt… if i truly get what i want, leave alone one ex, i am willing to sacrifice hundred’s of ex’s for my dream prince….

    but just a silly thing, i can understand sinking into feelings, but i don’t understand what’s riffling, clearly? can you plz help, linda?

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 12:25pm

  278. 278: AnkitaNo Gravatar says:

    Brenda

    i can understand sinking into feelings, but i don’t understand what’s riffling, clearly? can you too plz help?

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 12:26pm

  279. 279: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    And now for a long story where the plot thickened just this morning (Monday) ….

    On Saturday, I finally decided to respond to TN man’s text from a week or so ago (“Who says you won’t get to be with me? :)”)

    Why did I decide to respond?

    1. I kept remembering that Rori told me awhile ago that I tend to avoid intimacy by NOT RESPONDING to men when I feel uncomfortable and afraid. She said I should NEVER not respond.

    2. I kept feeling in my heart that that’s exactly what I was doing in this situation — being afraid of intimacy. Similar to if I had left 25′s apt the minute I started feeling uncomfortable feelings, instead of allowing them and being curious about them and not avoiding them. Leaving when I feel discomfort has been my MO all my life, and has taken some pretty radical forms.

    3. I was trying to hold on to the illusion of control by leaving HIS text hanging so that I wouldn’t have to be afraid that he would leave MINE hanging.

    So, I pushed through my fear, felt my feelings, purged any agenda from my heart, let go of the outcome and wrote the truth:

    “hey sorry I didn’t respond to your last text. I just didn’t know what to think of it. I feel mystified by you as usual. :)”

    I felt good sending that, and felt no attachment to the outcome — I was just telling him my truth and he could (and would!) do with it whatever HE wanted to.

    He texted back pretty quickly — a sweet endearing remark that referenced our pet names for each other. It was very cute and appealing, the bloody charmer!

    So we went back and forth a bit, and through the convo I learned that he is still seeing interloper and that she does NOT know he and I are texting each other. He also mentioned that he hasn’t said anything to her about me yet –”Still waiting to see where you end up on the whole thing. :)” He clarified then that he was talking about the possibility of a 3some. The bugger is smart enough to not ASK me or pressure me, but just quietly put it out there. Haha, I know your tricks!

    So, I took a deep breath and wrote him this feeling message:

    “It would feel yucky for me to be the outsider when you have a girlfriend. I would feel left out and sad and jealous. No doubt it would feel incredible physically, but I <3 me and I have to be good to me. I feel afraid telling you this cuz I don't want to lose your friendship. It feels fun connecting with you."

    He texted back, "Silly [pet name], I won't reject you. You are free. :)"

    We texted some more after that (with time lapses, carrying into Sunday afternoon), until I said, "Gotta go now – playdate with a 25 year old."

    He wrote, "Have fun!"

    I didn't respond to that cuz I was already on my way. I thought to myself too, I should just let that one hang. I did wonder if he would text later or the next day, "How was your playdate?" which would be typical of him — but I kinda thought, well, he probably won't, now that he has a girlfriend…. I probably won't hear from him again unless I write something back, but I don't think I'll respond…..No point, really….

    Lying in bed awake this morning, reflecting on my date with 25 . . . I was mystified to realize that somehow, wonder of wonders, that full-range-of-emotions date with 25 left me feeling a bit "over" TN man!!! I don't know exactly why . . . but he was losing his appeal moment by moment as I lay there in bed . . . it may have something to do with that "deadend" feeling I felt with 25 — like an awareness that THAT'S how I would really feel if I ever got together with TN man — like all those uncomfortable emotions I felt with 25 were a prophecy or something, like the universe saying, "You don't need to go all the way out there to experience TN man — THIS is what it would feel like!"

    Also, I was thinking about the fact that TN man wasn't being tender and loving about my feelings the way he used to be — not even as a friend — and I was kinda like, um, you're losing your appeal, buddy….You haven't even asked me how I'm doing with all this business of you having a gf out of the blue!

    So yeah, I was feeling, wow, maybe I can let this guy go. Got out of bed, and noticed a new text on my phone. I was stunned to see it was from him — I hadn't even responded to his "Have fun!"

    And this is what that Devil wrote:

    "So are you processing through all this?"

    WHAT???? NOW he suddenly cares about my feelings? NOW he picks up the way he used to do, lovingly helping me "process stuff"????

    Is this GUILT on his part?

    The really weird thing is that this came after I noted in my heart that he no longer was expressing care about my feelings AND that my heart was pulling AWAY from him!

    How did I feel when I read it?

    I felt surprised.
    I felt bewildered.
    I felt caught-off-guard.
    I felt happy!
    I felt loved.
    I felt amused.
    I felt delighted.
    I felt suspicious.
    I felt angry.
    I felt frustrated.
    I felt like I was in that song, "Somebody's knocking, should I let him in? Lord, it's the devil, would you look at him…I heard about him, but I never dreamed, he'd have blue eyes and blue jeans…"

    And I started wondering how I should respond.

    Him: So are you processing through all this?
    Me: All what?

    Or

    Him: So are you processing through all this?
    Me: All what? 0:-)

    Or

    Him: So are you processing through all this?
    Me: Yes of course

    Or

    Him: So are you processing through all this?
    Me: What do you mean?

    Or…..

    And I realized I was totally attaching myself to the outcome! That rat! My mind was trying to pick a response that would draw him back to me. Ugh! Agenda!

    After I had made such progress lying in bed this morning!

    Now there was my foolish little heart running along the railroad tracks trying to find a good spot to lie down where he would be more likely to stop the train and rescue me rather than barrel over me and smash my newly-healing heart to smithereens again.

    Woe is me!

    What is going on here!

    Oh help!

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 12:27pm

  280. 280: AnkitaNo Gravatar says:

    Brenda

    yes.. i can transform my anger into love… I feel so loving right now….

    just the simple sight of my prince makes my heart melt,
    i can picture him on his horse, to take me with him,
    with his sword, to protect me
    i can picture his eyes, which show that he will be willing to go to any extent for me….
    i can picture his hands, through which he will claim me…

    i feel so loving… oh my god…..

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 12:30pm

  281. 281: Wonder WomanNo Gravatar says:

    Simply Shannon: I was totally understanding the man fast. I get like that all the time. I am less scared to be on my own than I am to date but I don’t want to be on my own forever. I think sometimes I have no strategy for dealing with the unknown because for me dating is new ground. I am struggling not to focus on one man at a time.

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 12:31pm

  282. 282: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Shannon, I feel confused. Were you talking about me or YOU here? —>

    What I “see” is a woman feeling like crying, and the man being completely clueless of that fact. No wonder the man falls for the woman and is completely addicted. He has no idea she feels bad even when she’s at her most vulnerable (re: sex). He only “sees” this woman who is rocking his world.

    ……………………

    I thought you were talking about ME, so I was trying to tell you that that isn’t the way it was/is for me.

    Are you saying that that’s the way YOU feel in similar situations?

    But I feel unsure about if that’s what you were saying, because you also said something there about “giving advice.” So I feel confused about whether you were trying to give me advice or you were talking about how YOU have experienced those types of sexual encounters with less ability to be truly intimate and open and honest with your partner.

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 12:36pm

  283. 283: AnkitaNo Gravatar says:

    Sirens

    I gotta ask a silly question. I know the answer, but I just want you all peoples take there…

    If a girl knows a guy from 2-3 years, they are friend from 2-3 years, and she messages him everyday, good night ,, good afternoon, or whatever, and acts loving to him, interferes in his private matters, tells him what to do and what not to do when he hasn’t asked her even once, isn’t that “leaning forward”? (it’s not me, fortunately)

    Won’t the guy feel not attracted towards her???

    Won’t he prefer the girl who leans back but welcomes him, and doesn’t interferes in his private matters, lets him have his life?

    (it’s not regarding my ex’s case)

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 12:36pm

  284. 284: AnkitaNo Gravatar says:

    Brenda

    Awesome poem…. I love it how you put your emotions and feelings in it… Just by reading your poem, I can feel what was going on in your heart, at that moment…!!

    I am going to store it…!!!

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 12:38pm

  285. 285: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Ankita,

    There is a thread that talks about Riffing. I found this, written by Rori:

    “In step one, you listed your “problems.” then we Flipped them into WANTS, then we went into how wanting something feels, then to how HAVING what you Want feels – moving into the sensations in your body.
    And we did it in a free-flowing, stream-of-consciousness way that you’ve coined as “Riffing” (Thank you for that new term!)”

    Here is where I got it, and it’s in Targeting Mr. Right:

    http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/category/targeting-mr-right/power-self-esteem/page/5/

    http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/category/targeting-mr-right/power-self-esteem/page/7/

    I still need to learn and study and do this myself.

    Here is an example of riffing that I saved from the blog:

    I’m listening to Targeting, and just got to the part of Riffing, so although I didn’t plan to, I guess I’ll join you ladies in your riffing!
    I feel tired with all the work that I have to do.
    I don’t want to do this work anymore.
    I feel afraid that my main client is going to pull the plug and I’ll have to go out and get another big client.
    I don’t think I’ll ever find my guy.
    What if my guy got tired of waiting for me and went off and married someone else?
    I don’t feel good waiting for a guy to call me.
    I feel forgotten.
    I feel like I am more loving than I am loved.
    I’m dreading the next holidays when I show up alone and have to answer questions of why I’m not married yet.
    I’m afraid that my sisters in laws look at me funny and ask my brothers if I’m gay.
    I’m tired of dating. I don’t think I’ll ever have a quiet, simple, romantic life with my guy.
    I don’t think I’ll ever own a home.
    I feel jealous when I watch those tv shows where people buy homes and talk about having to remodel the 5-year old kitchen. Isn’t the kitchen they have enough?
    I’m afraid that if I get pregnant, my body will look really terrible and I’ll get really fat again.
    I don’t like going on Facebook anymore because I’m tired of reading everyone’s good news, when I don’t really have any good news of my own.
    I hide from some of my friends because I don’t want to talk about my love life anymore.
    I don’t like talking to my mom anymore because I think she’s so hurt by what I’ve become (or not become) that it hurts her to talk to me.
    My life would be so much easier if my guy would just come along.
    I’m afraid that my leaning back is showing lack of interest, and that I’m missing out on a lot of fun because I’ve leaned back.
    I’m still hurt that he left, and I don’t know why I’m not over it yet.
    My car is falling apart, and I need to have it fixed, but I don’t want to buy a new one.
    I feel like I’m failing at life, barely getting by. And that I’m too naive to be able to fix it.
    Sunday, 2 May 2010 @ 10:27pm
    438: Siena says:
    I want to be able to stop working and focus on other things in life that are more important.
    I want my guy to show up! I want romance and love and sex and fun and laughter and conversation and hopes and future.
    I want to feel like someone’s #1, without having to earn it.
    I want to spend the holidays with someone that I am in love with and secure with so that I can bring him around my family and we can all relax because it’s no longer uncomfortable that I’m still single.
    I want a beautiful home.
    I want a garden.
    I want a chef’s kitchen where I can prepare amazing meals.
    I want a stable where I can go every morning and ride my horses. I want a groom to take care of my stable.
    I want children and family.
    I want to have a wedding party! I want to be able to register at stores for wedding gifts.
    I want the ‘grown up’ things in life like a home, a real car, a husband.
    I want my mom to feel like I’m okay and that I’m not a failure or somehow she’s failed me because I’m still single.
    I want closure with The Man.
    I want to feel safe and loved, and like I’ve come up to stride in life, and like I am no longer the one left out.
    Sunday, 2 May 2010 @ 10:36pm
    439: Siena says:
    I want to be able to stop working, but I feel scared to not work. I feel obliged to work. What will I do for money? Do I even care? I love my feelings of fear and obligation.
    I want my man to come into my life and finish this stupid dating thing. I feel tightness in my shoulders and a lump in my throat and very very tired. Yawning. I love my apathy.
    I feel desperate and like throwing a temper tantrum. Where are you already!? Where the FUCK have you been! I love my pettiness.
    I feel pissed and silly. Who am I to say when he comes or when he goes? I feel so silly writing this stuff. I’ve tried everything else, who’s to say this is going to work? And I feel pissed that I HAVE to do this stuff! Did any of my girlfriends have to do this just to find the men of their dreams? No! They had it so easy, and it’s just been impossible for me. I love my anger and I love my feelings of silliness.
    I feel defeated and like I’m running out of time. And all the asshole last night could talk about was time and how old we are and how we’re both alone, and I just wanted to hit him. I’m glad I cut him off and stood up to leave. I feel proud of myself that I can say no. I feel afraid that I’m saying no too much. Is there such thing as too much no? I love my confusion and feelings of defeat and feelings of being old.
    Oh the tightness is back in my throat, and now I feel queasy stomach. I think I might be sick. I’m so tired of feeling left out. This shouldn’t be this difficult. I love my fatigue.

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 12:44pm

  286. 286: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Ankita,

    There is a thread that talks about Riffing. I found this, written by Rori:

    “In step one, you listed your “problems.” then we Flipped them into WANTS, then we went into how wanting something feels, then to how HAVING what you Want feels – moving into the sensations in your body.
    And we did it in a free-flowing, stream-of-consciousness way that you’ve coined as “Riffing” (Thank you for that new term!)”

    Here is where I got it, and it’s in Targeting Mr. Right:

    http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/category/targeting-mr-right/power-self-esteem/page/5/

    http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/category/targeting-mr-right/power-self-esteem/page/7/

    I still need to learn and study and do this myself.

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 12:45pm

  287. 287: Simply ShannonNo Gravatar says:

    Lucy: It’s a mix of both. :-) I was giving advice, but I’m realizing that it was advice for me because I’m seeing all of it from my perspective. I can’t really give you advice because I don’t see your perspective. How’s that for convoluted? LOL!

    I’m trying but whenever I think I’ve got someone else’s perspective, I realize I don’t. This has actually been quite enlightening for me. I feel amused now. I was feeling frustrated, like wanting to shake Lucy and say “can’t you see this?” but it’s not Lucy. It’s me. It’s my vision, not anyone else’s. Hehe.

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 12:46pm

  288. 288: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Ankita,

    Thanks for your nice comments about my poem!

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 12:46pm

  289. 289: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Ankita,

    BTW, I responded to your question about riffing, but for some reason it’s under moderation.

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 12:46pm

  290. 290: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Lucy – waahooo! what intensity!!

    you shifted your energy away – yay CD – and now he’s pursuing the best way he knows how

    let’s do it! it’s all practice anyway

    i would send a deep feeling message, or nothing

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 12:48pm

  291. 291: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Ankita, RE: #279 – Of course that’s leaning forward.

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 12:49pm

  292. 292: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Daria, the way you responded to my story means SO much to me. It feels really really good to hear those words from you. Thank you! <3

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 12:51pm

  293. 293: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Ankita – about the message girl. It would seem from the outside that he may not be interested in her.

    However, its not just actions but a huge part of it is the vibe.

    If this girl is doing all this things, and she herself is ONLY interested as FRIENDS, and is dating and being romanced by other men,

    then the guy might still be into her! Because her vibe is not of needy – sure she makes all these actions that make a ROMANTIC feeling woman seem needy… but if she is only interested in friendship, then it’s not “needy” at all… she’s just doing what she does, and treating the guy as a friend

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 12:54pm

  294. 294: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Yeah, about shfting my energy away . . .

    One thing I realized …. well, TN man always told me he’s a really good kisser, and I think *I* am a good kisser, too, but I have really been with some dud kissers during this CD experience — NO ONE has come even close to being a Fab Kisser… and that has made me long to kiss TN man…… because I LOVE good kissing! Like crazy! The guy I was engaged to long ago was a fab kisser, and my ex-h was almost as good…..

    Well, whaddya know, 25 was a Fab Kisser! Yummy! It was awesome. We were a perfect kissing pair.

    So it kinda took the edge off needing to smooch with TN man! Hehe!

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 12:55pm

  295. 295: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    wow I got a new fluff from Mama Gena:

    “”Deliver information to your partner that will make him indispensable to you.” –Mama Gena

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 12:58pm

  296. 296: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Lucy – I feel excited your doing so fabulously with CDing… and with a guy you don’t even really want to see again! wow! way to get the messages!!

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 12:59pm

  297. 297: Simply ShannonNo Gravatar says:

    Okay now that’s just funny. (she says sarcastically.)

    I feel jealous that Lucy also has a Fab Kisser. I feel pouting, whiny, jealousy. I miss kissing a lot. This Man Fast kind of sucks in that regard as there are no men to kiss.

    And with Mr. Fab Kisser, the kisses were soooo good.

    But not enough. Good kissing is not enough.

    And I’m finding it difficult to train a boy to kiss the way I like.

    AND I’m finding that the way a boy kisses is very telling of how he is in bed. CRAZY that I never noticed that when I was younger. Would have saved me a LOT of time. Hehe!

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 1:04pm

  298. 298: AnkitaNo Gravatar says:

    Daria

    But what if she is romantically into the guy? In his case, if she behaves this way, will it brush the guy off naa??

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 1:05pm

  299. 299: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks, Daria! Now to sink into my feelings to respond to TN’s man’s text…. when and if I decide to. I agree with you, though, that if i respond it should be “a deep feeling message.”

    I feel scared!

    That’s GOOD!

    Feeling scared seems to be what I feel when I have an opportunity to be vulnerable.

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 1:07pm

  300. 300: Simply ShannonNo Gravatar says:

    Lucy/Daria: I didn’t even pick up on the fact that Lucy sending her energy to 25 probably created space for TN Man to call.

    Another little oddity today. I get emails from Baggage Reclaim and today’s message was about words and actions not lining up. I believe I just said those words to Lucy earlier in this post. Why am I getting that message? I thought I was doing a pretty good job of admitting my feelings. Feels curious to hear that twice now.

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 1:07pm

  301. 301: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Sorry, Shannon, I did feel a little uncertain stealing the name Fab Kisser from you . . . his name is still 25 though … Fab Kisser was just a good way to illustrate my point. I feel bad now. I wouldn’t want anyone to take MY CD guy’s names. So sorry! <3

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 1:10pm

  302. 302: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Ankita – most likely in the long run yes… unless the guy is a feminine energy man…

    there’s lots of people who “get together in a relationship” only to break up a little while later because it was both of their emotional neediness that got them together

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 1:11pm

  303. 303: AnkitaNo Gravatar says:

    Daria

    I get you.. that was what confusing me.. i know if the guy is feminine, a masculine girl can only work, but was little confused about this one…

    I feel a little screwed up… By mistake, i downloaded some self help books for guys… Now, i emailed them to a guy friend of mine who is having hard time getting girls, and he has started to use his tools on me only… Hell, no..! I look at him like a brotherly figure.. Uff..!!

    I can’t deal with him this way..!! :(

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 1:15pm

  304. 304: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    “And I’m finding it difficult to train a boy to kiss the way I like.”

    That struck me as funny — my son and I had a discussion about kissing a couple months ago — I had told him that one reason I was no longer seeing D was cuz he was such a bad kisser — and my son’s eyes widened, and he said with passion,

    “Is it because he doesn’t stick out his lips enough?!”

    I laughed so hard!

    He’s like, “No, I’m serious! R [his gf] doesn’t stick out her lips enough! I had to tell her, ‘stick out your lips more!’”

    It was so funny!!! He is 20; she is 19. She is the only girl he has ever kissed. lol.

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 1:15pm

  305. 305: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Just got a cute email from a new guy –

    I see that I am too old for you, but I must say, ever since I have seen your picture and read your profile, I have been saying to myself – this girl has the most magnetic smile and devilishly fun look about her; then I re-read your profile and just enjoy it again.

    I just felt like I needed to tell you that.
    See ya,
    Rusty

    ———

    Funny that he used the word “devilish” right after I used “devil” for TN man! hehe.

    He thinks he’s too old for me cuz I put 50 as my upper limit, and he is 52.

    I put 50 cuz some of the guys I was getting were just too old at 54, 55, 58….. (yes, I gave them a chance, but they were really just too old for me).

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 1:23pm

  306. 306: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    SS,

    I did go …..that facilitated the man fast……I wasn’t dating anyone but I was in touch…..maybe once or twice a month……..we dated before

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 2:20pm

  307. 307: SweetpeaNo Gravatar says:

    Linda, I totally identify with what you say about feeling messages. I get a feeling message all prepared & it sounds great to me. Then I run it past the sirens & get there suggestions & I think, “wow. That is so much better.” And I see then that mine was actually all prickly and accusatory.

    I’ll keep practicing & get it eventually.

    Thanks Sirens for all your help.

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 2:41pm

  308. 308: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Just remembered something about the whole thing about not leaving 25 when I felt all those feelings….

    When we were making plans to meet, I had even said to him, “I’ll wear sneakers in case I want to run away.”

    He said, “Aw, don’t run away!”

    I said, “Okay, I’ll wear sandals. That way if I run, you’ll be able to catch me.”

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 2:41pm

  309. 309: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Here is a first attempt at a response to “So are you processing through all this?”

    “I feel amused and pleased that you asked that. I feel deeply grateful for all the healing stuff you introduced me to. I feel like writing a memoir about my experience with you and calling it ‘You Taught Me How to Let You Go.’ I kinda have the hots for Michael Brown now. :)”

    (Michael Brown is one of the spiritual teachers/authors he introduced me to. hehe. I’ll probably leave out the MB part though.)

    What do you think?

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 2:48pm

  310. 310: SweetpeaNo Gravatar says:

    Wow brenda! That poem is amazing! Thank you for sharing!

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 3:04pm

  311. 311: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Do I just assume that by “all this” he means the fact that he chose another girl over me . . . or do I ask him for clarification?

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 3:18pm

  312. 312: SweetpeaNo Gravatar says:

    Lucy, good question. You know what they say about assuming. I might ask for clarification. But you feeling message really sidesteps all of that. I like your message & I especially like the MB comment. But I am really weak on feeling messages.

    So… Basically I guess I’m telling you I’m no help at al! Lol

    Are you coming to CO?! Lol

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 3:25pm

  313. 313: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Sweetpea, you are no help at all! lol. :)

    Not sure about CO yet — anything’s possible! Do you live near the Springs?

    That guy is still emailing me and I just respond with cheeky remarks. Fun for now.

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 3:33pm

  314. 314: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Maybe TN man is hoping I am “processing through” the 3some idea and he wants to know if I am getting any closer to being “free” enough to do it!!!

    He actually could mean that. Who knows?? I wish he would have been more clear.

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 3:36pm

  315. 315: SweetpeaNo Gravatar says:

    Daria & Simply Shannon,

    I feel intimidated reading these posts on advice giving. I feel like a toddler just learning to walk and I need advice – I need to see people with more experience than me running so I can learn how to run. I feel out of my league like I’m here w/ all you marathon runners being asked to use my running muscles that aren’t developed yet. I want you both to know that I value both your advice and I value your experience. I feel scared that I will frustrate you if you give me advice & I’m not quite capable of taking it all in & using it yet, but I so want & need your wisdom & patience. Please continue sharing your skills. I don’t want to feel like I’m frustrating anyone. Sometimes I just don’t get it. And sometimes I have to try something that maybe isn’t strictly Rori-esque to get comfortable with the tools. Sometimes I fall & smack my head on the coffee table, but I will never learn to run if I’m scared to walk.

    Love you both! Thanks for helping us.

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 3:40pm

  316. 316: SweetpeaNo Gravatar says:

    I feel hesitant to say on here where I’m at. What if one of my CDs comes across this & figures out I’m asking questions about them online?! I live where koolv does. I haven’t responded to his last email, but amazingly enough, he’s leaving me alone. Guess you’re distracting him. :) thanks! I suppose I should tell him it’s not happening while you’re still enjoying being cheeky w/ him. I feel thankful to you for helping me out.

    Sorry I’m no help. Everytime I post a feeling message on here, the feedback makes me realize how much practice I really do need.

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 3:52pm

  317. 317: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Sweetpea, even though you’re a newbie at feeling messages, I think you’re wonderful!!! I love your spirit.

    Yeah, I know where koolv lives. I’ve always wanting to go there, ever since I was a little girl. :)

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 3:57pm

  318. 318: SweetpeaNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you Lucy! I feel confident that I will get better at feeling messages with the suggestions I get here & practice.

    You’re not telling me you’ve never been here?! Even though your sister lives so close?

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 4:51pm

  319. 319: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Just never made the trip. My older sister and I don’t get along very well.

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 4:53pm

  320. 320: Simply ShannonNo Gravatar says:

    Lucy, I feel smiley. You can have a Mr. Fab Kisser too! I’m praying for another one myself. Mr. Fab Kisser II or maybe Mr. Fab Kisser and a Bag of Chips (Mr. Chips for short). Haha!

    Sweetpea: I doubt very seriously that I will refrain from advice giving. It’s more about me needing to adjust myself. I’m noticing that when I feel frustrated, I’m wanting to control the outcome. I feel frustrated because the recipient of my Golden Advice isn’t doing what I want. Wah, wah, wah, right? That’s a pretty good signal that I need to step back. Frustration doesn’t feel good, so I just need to ease off a bit and focus on me again. Same thing as using the tools.

    I personally believe that we all take turns being the guru-Siren of the day. As each person says something, it’s like turning on a light for someone else. I like everyone’s style for all sorts of reasons. Some trigger me, some soothe me, some annoy me, some excite me and sometimes that’s all one person.

    I feel good. I don’t know why because my boys were annoying the heck out of me today. Kind of feels like I got all of my frustration out (don’t touch that, sit down, stop yelling, quit hitting your brother – ahhhh!) and can go relax now.

    Wine on my porch swing is where I’m headed now. Yesssss!!

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 4:54pm

  321. 321: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    “God grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change, the courage to change the one I can, and the wisdom to know it’s me.” ~Author unknown, variation of an excerpt from “The Serenity Prayer” by Reinhold Neibuhr

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 5:18pm

  322. 322: SweetpeaNo Gravatar says:

    Good one Lucy! Sorry to hear you & you sister don’t get along well. Once I get my own place here, you can come visit me if you want!

    Shannon, thank you for sharing that. It feels better knowing how you think about these things. Enjoy your wine! Sounds lovely!

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 5:27pm

  323. 323: JenniferNo Gravatar says:

    I had a good “ME” time. Went to another town to work. My company put me up in a B&B…loved it. Big house full of antiques, run by hippies. Good coffee in the morning.
    Bought myself a garnet ring set in silver. Bought myself some fudge.
    Making plans to go to the Gay Pride parade in Toronto. Good times.
    Waiting for a contract STILL. Maybe I’ll just move. I have to move out of my house anyway. My roommate has lost her mind. I went upstairs to pee one morning and the baby woke up, so she wants me to pee in a bucket.
    I have two guys I’m talking to on Eharmony, we’ve gotten through the matching process and are now into the messaging, so I’m discovering and waiting to be asked out on fantastic dates.
    I have a drought on POF…even with my new fantastic pictures. I put a disclaimer on my profile that YES I have a job and a car and a place to live. I said ROFLMAO after…but I really felt the need to add that…sooooooooo many of the men have stuff about that in thier profiles.
    I had lunch alone today…I chatted with the clerk at the french bistro I chose. ….. i felt good.
    I feel good generally. I bought myself the complete works of Abraham-Hicks on CD for the car.
    I feel more relaxed when I listen to that.

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 5:42pm

  324. 324: Amy F.No Gravatar says:

    I need quick advice!
    My man Man1 is in town and sent me a text he’s at the hotel. I am leaning back. He has not told me the plan, so I am waiting. I feel sooooooo angry. I have no idea what we are doing for the next three days, where I need to meet him so I am sitting here with my suitcase. What should I do? He is here just to see me I would usually take over and I have not yet but it is so tempting!

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 5:59pm

  325. 325: Amy F.No Gravatar says:

    Should I text him to ask where should I meet you, or just wait?

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 6:01pm

  326. 326: TinaNo Gravatar says:

    He has show his anger, now what? did i push him there? I was terrified but stayed and things calmed down after. I went to sleep in another room, he drove me home. He says is this a break up or you need time? I said I dont want to talk about it right now.

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 6:22pm

  327. 327: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    I feel kinda mad. Here I was JUST starting to feel a bit “over” TN man and losing some attraction for him . .. and then he goes and throws me that bone (“So are you processing through all this?”)

    It’s like yeah, he felt me pulling away a bit and he was like, oh, no, we can’t have that, gotta keep her around, gotta keep her wanting me, oh, what can I do to bring her back? Oh yeah, she loves when I get all spiritual and helpful and care about her feelings, I’ll do that! It won’t take much, just a few words, ah, piece of cake!

    :(

    I felt better in bed this morning, peeling his fingers off the bottom of my bridge so he could drop into the water and be wooshed away . . . But with one heroic lunge he grabbed back on to the underside of my bridge and looked up at me with a triumphant grin – “Gotcha!”

    Help!

    Help?

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 7:01pm

  328. 328: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Second attempt at a response to “So are you processing through all this?”

    “I feel amused and pleased and kinda mad that you asked that. I feel deeply grateful for all the healing stuff you introduced me to. I feel like writing a memoir about my experience with you and calling it ‘You Taught Me How to Let You Go.’ I kinda have the hots for Michael Brown now.”

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 7:05pm

  329. 329: SweetpeaNo Gravatar says:

    Lucy, Since you’re working on feeling messages, and I’m no help (but I do like this last one)….

    I just sent Koolv this message… I just can’t get over this feeling of unease about you. I don’t want to feel uncomfortable. Thanks for your interest but I’m going to have to pass. Good luck in your search.

    Does that sound not prickly? If you have suggestions, please offer them – I can always use them for future reference.

    Daria – I did refer back to the msg you suggested, just modified it to skip the hearing more creepy stuff. What are your thoughts?

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 7:11pm

  330. 330: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    I feel blegh….

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 7:43pm

  331. 331: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Sweetpea, sounds fine to me.

    Let me know when you get your own place — I’m overdue for an adventure!

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 7:43pm

  332. 332: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Juicy Lucy,

    I just went home in a depressed slump and spent the evening napping. Ugh!

    i think because of the lack of clarity of his question you’d be far safer just shooting back something like, “In what way?” or “I don’t understand what you’re asking?” He will feel validated that you are honestly looking to understand him, rather than just assuming what he’s asking.

    I say this based on how many times Ryan asked me similar questions for clarification. And, I see it as one of his really strong points! I was so accustomed to being cut off in conversation, nevermind being able to get to the end of the sentence. When I talked with Ryan, he studied me, from head to toe, and of course especially my eyes, and then he’d ask, “What do you mean?” etc. I felt soooo delicious to actually have someone seeking to fully understand me!

    Matter of fact, it’s a major reason I miss him…I feel so confident that whatever I say to him will be fully understood, and he knows me now at a far deeper level than any other human being.

    I am reallllllly missing him tonight. Tomorrow marks two weeks since he left me a voicemail and never called back. I called him back same night, only once, and I’m so proud of myself for not overfunctioning this time.

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 7:44pm

  333. 333: SweetpeaNo Gravatar says:

    Lucy – Sounds like fun to me! It’ll probably be a month or two yet.

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 7:45pm

  334. 334: SweetpeaNo Gravatar says:

    Brenda,

    It feels good to read your perspective on the clarification question.

    Yay you!!!… for not over-functioning!!

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 7:47pm

  335. 335: Simply ShannonNo Gravatar says:

    I feel weird and strangely relieved. After seeing some date details on Mr. Masculine’s FB page last week, I decided to unfriend him. I didn’t do it to be sneaky or draw attention to myself. (One of the many excuses my brain was using to keep me in fear and keep him as a friend on FB.)

    That was Friday. He just sent me a message asking me if he had done something to upset me. Here’s my response. (It’s already sent so no turning back now.) I’ll let you know what he says. It is so true that practicing on guys is the BEST way to get through this stuff. I’m finally learning how to say my emotions without blaming him. Read below and tell me what you think.

    - – - – -
    Hey there handsome,

    I noticed some comments on your page that implied you were going on a date this weekend. And the truth is I felt bad and jealous reading them. I don’t want to feel bad when I think about you. It felt better to unfriend you from FB so I won’t read about your dates… unless of course they’re dates with me. In which case, I’d rather hear about them in person. :-)

    Besides, you know where to reach me if you want to see me.

    What do you think? Shannon

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 7:48pm

  336. 336: SweetpeaNo Gravatar says:

    Brenda – I read your earlier posts. Sounds like you’re not feeling impressed with Q so far. Hang in there! It gets better!!

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 7:49pm

  337. 337: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Shannon, I feel great about what you wrote! Aww, so honest and vulnerable. I love it. I especially like this – “I don’t want to feel bad when I think about you” – I will have to remember that for my own use!

    I can really relate to how your fear was playing tricks on you about whether or not to unfriend him — sometimes our intentions are GOOD but our mind tries to tell us we’re playing games when we sincerely are NOT!

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 7:54pm

  338. 338: SweetpeaNo Gravatar says:

    Shannon, I agree with Lucy. I’m taking notes…

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 7:57pm

  339. 339: NikitaNo Gravatar says:

    Shan!on,

    Cheers to you. I wish I could express myself that way

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 7:58pm

  340. 340: EarthDancerNo Gravatar says:

    Lucy #319

    I feel sad, I feel screaming NO to read your post. Heroic? Bleh … I feel TN Man is toxic & manipulative. I feel afraid he will drag you off your Bridge and you will let him :(

    I hope you do not even answer him…

    Rori: “I do not like to see you repeating your old patterns that you came to me to eradicate just because you’re resisting doing the work…”

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 8:00pm

  341. 341: EarthDancerNo Gravatar says:

    Shannon #327

    you’ve got it … brilliant … I feel so impressed I feel WOW, what strength, yet so soft & vulnerable …

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 8:04pm

  342. 342: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    That feels bad to read, earthdancer. I feel a knot in my stomach. When I wrote “heroic” I was being mildly sarcastic — AND that whole comment I wrote was implying that I felt he was being manipulative! I feel weird that you missed that — I thought it was obvious — I wrote that I was feeling kinda mad, get it?

    I feel DISGUSTED seeing that Rori quote on your comment to me. I feel extremely outraged that you are implying I am “resisting doing the work” and “repeating old patterns.”

    I feel very PROUD of the work I am doing and HAPPY that I am NOT repeating old patterns.

    “I hope you do not even answer him…” — THAT would be an old pattern for me! Avoiding intimacy, running away from uncomfortable feelings.

    I feel like Hermione Granger just jumped on my bridge.

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 8:10pm

  343. 343: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    I don’t want Hermione Granger on my bridge. Maybe the Hermione from the later books, but not the Hermione from the first ones.

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 8:13pm

  344. 344: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Lucy,

    I love that song! I never heard it before! But I love it cuz it fits my toxic Ry Guy soooo well! So here are the lyrics, and I dedicate them to Ryan…

    SOMEBODY’S KNOCKIN’
    (Jerry Gillespie / Ed Penney)
    Terri Gibbs – 1980

    Somebody’s knockin’, should I let him in
    Lord, it’s the Devil, would you look at him
    I’ve heard about him, but I never dreamed
    He’d have blue eyes and blue jeans

    Well, somebody’s talkin’, he’s whisperin’ to me
    Your place or my place, well, which will it be
    I’m gettin’ weaker and he’s comin’ on strong
    But I don’t wanna go wrong

    He must have tapped my telephone line
    He must have known I was spendin’ my time alone
    He says we’ll have one heavenly night
    My fever’s burnin’, so he oughta be right at home

    Somebody’s knockin’, should I let him in
    Lord, it’s the Devil, would you look at him
    I’ve heard about him, but I never dreamed
    He’d have blue eyes and blue jeans

    Uh-huh, he must have tapped my telephone line
    He must have known I was spendin’ my time alone
    He says we’ll have one heavenly night
    My fever’s burnin’, so he oughta be right at home

    (Somebody’d knockin’)
    Somebody’s knockin’
    Somebody’s knockin’
    Uh, Somebody’s knockin’
    Well, somebody’s knockin’
    Somebody’s knockin’……FADE

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 8:17pm

  345. 345: EarthDancerNo Gravatar says:

    Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results…Albert Einstein, (attributed)

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 8:18pm

  346. 346: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    I just reread my post #319 and I feel utterly bewildered that my meaning was missed so badly!

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 8:18pm

  347. 347: Simply ShannonNo Gravatar says:

    Well that didn’t go as I thought it might. I thought he’d be surprised and intrigued that I felt jealous. It appears I have triggered Mr. Masculine Man back to the whole “exclusivity” conversation we had before.

    He wrote “… You wanna be able to go out with whomever & I don’t question it but at the first sign that I may have (which I didn’t) I get defriended. But again thats OK I remember asking you several times if that day ever did happen how would it feel. Sorry you feel that way, I think I will just throw my hands up & give up. I can’t win for losing. Hope you have a great one. Sorry I just don’t know what to do. I thought after the last time things went great, I guess Not. I was hoping it would be different.”

    Apparently this weekend he was with friends from college (which I believe is BS because it was a woman who wrote the comment and… let’s just say I think he’s full of it and covering his butt). :-)

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 8:24pm

  348. 348: Simply ShannonNo Gravatar says:

    Here’s what I wrote back.

    I feel amused at my unfounded jealousy. Oops. *blush*

    Regardless, I feel better not reading your page. And truthfully I’d feel too tempted to check your page if I was still your FB friend. Yes, I look at your page. Ahhh… I feel embarrassed.

    I feel weird and a little sad reading this message. Are you mad at me? I didn’t “unfriend” you from my life, just FB.

    Whatcha think? Shannon

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 8:24pm

  349. 349: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    “Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results…Albert Einstein, (attributed)”

    If that’s what you are seeing, earthdancer, remember that life is a mirror. I see projection all over this.

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 8:24pm

  350. 350: SweetpeaNo Gravatar says:

    Hmmm…. I feel confused. I fail to see how Lucy is repeating old patterns. Someone please explain?

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 8:26pm

  351. 351: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Sweetpea, RE: #330 – Q

    That’s all! He just texted me long enuff to ask for my pic. When I said no, our interaction was over! Makes me glad I didn’t! Is that all he wanted?? A woman’s photo on his phone to brag about?? NEXT!!!

    Then there was another dude who responded to my profile last night who wrote an entire letter! You’d think he had found his long lost high school love! I became immediately suspicious, because he sounded TOO amazed.

    I didn’t give him my email, as he requested. Instead, I just emailed him back briefly on the site. No response. Yep, he found the love of his life. Tell me a nuther one. NEXT!!

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 8:28pm

  352. 352: SweetpeaNo Gravatar says:

    Shannon,
    I feel impressed that you handled that so well. Seems you got him a little riled up. I don’t know much about your history with Masculine Man. Are you still dating him or is he someone in the past (for now)?

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 8:29pm

  353. 353: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Hermione Granger get the fuck OFF my bridge right now!!!!

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 8:33pm

  354. 354: Simply ShannonNo Gravatar says:

    I’m still on my bridge. Everybody else still on there’s right? (In case you didn’t get the memo, the answer to that question is YES.)

    Lucy, Remember… cute belly, sexy butt, Shrek.

    Everybody has a filter. Everyone. We’re all like a camera taking pictures of life using those “modes” on a camera. When I take a shot of the ocean, mine is set to “shannon-esque” so that I see my pictures in shades of pink. A person taking shots in black and white mode won’t see my shades of pink. So each of us can see the scene but not the exact same things.

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 8:33pm

  355. 355: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Oops, I just got sent to moderation. I was telling Hermione Granger to get the f*ck off my bridge.

    I probably shouldn’t be name-calling either. Sorry about that. I’ll just say I am extremely triggered by this.

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 8:35pm

  356. 356: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    It’s sexy belly, cute butt, Shrek. :)

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 8:38pm

  357. 357: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Lucy!! Watch out, world!! Here cums Juicy Lucy! She’s packin an arsenal of feelings! Clear the path!

    YUM!

    (I just gotta steal your closing, Daria! It is so perfect for me as a compulsive overeater! LOL!)

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 8:39pm

  358. 358: SweetpeaNo Gravatar says:

    Brenda – that might actually be helpful – to feel “yum” over other stuff than food… just a thought. As far as Q goes… least he could do is send you a sexy picture. C’mon now. I got tons of those from LVMan and never did return the favor, just sent him some risque shots that hinted at good stuff.

    Step up SDM – you want pics, you first! lol

    Oops, guess that was a directive…

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 8:45pm

  359. 359: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    I hate being misunderstood. I hate when people hold on to their misunderstandings of me.

    Yes, this is a trigger from childhood … much of my life. . .

    I feel helpless and powerless to get people to understand.

    I feel helpless.

    I feel powerless.

    I feel angry. I feel like smashing something.

    I feel unseen.

    I feel lonely in a corner on a chair by myself while everyone else is playing and having fun and getting approving looks and smiles from mom and J*sus.

    I feel tears in my throat.

    I feel big sad lonely eyes and sad face.

    I remember my mom telling me just last winter, “Dad always understood you. I never did.”

    “Really? Dad understood me? I never knew that!”

    I felt amazed and happy to find that out! I wished I had known that when I was growing up!

    I feel happy that my dad understood me.

    I feel sad. I feel like a sad Siren sitting on the time-out rock at the bottom of the hill, in the shadows.

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 8:48pm

  360. 360: SweetpeaNo Gravatar says:

    Aww Lucy… your comment was out of moderation before you even commented on it being in moderation! lol

    You’re no siren on the time out rock – but i like the visual.

    Take the comments, look at them, see if they fit and if not, toss them out – if so, use it to heal yourself. No harm, no foul. The only person who needs to feel good about what you’re doing, is YOU!

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 8:52pm

  361. 361: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Mrs. Todd, my hard-of-hearing piano teacher: What’s that note, Lucy?

    Lucy: That’s a B.

    Mrs. Todd: No, it’s not a D; it’s a B.

    Lucy: That’s what I said – B.

    Mrs. Todd: No, Lucy, it’s a B.

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 8:54pm

  362. 362: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Sweetpea, RE: #356 – You said, “Step up SDM – you want pics, you first! lol”

    You little rascal! You had to slip in your new nickname for me, dint ya?! Cupcake with pink frosting!

    But what you don’t know is this nun from the convent has horns holding up her halo!

    So I will not be at all shy telling my Siren Sisters what SDM stands for! LOL!

    Skinny Dipping Mermaid

    …and proud of it! I was telling Cupcake offline that I go skinny dipping in the dark in the summer and turn into a mermaid when I go under water! Love it! One of my favorite things to do!!

    Nudity! YUM!

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 9:00pm

  363. 363: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks, Sweetpea.

    “The only person who needs to feel good about what you’re doing, is YOU!”

    I DO feel good about what I’m doing.

    I do have a trigger about feeling really bad when I have been feeling good about the great things I am doing and someone comes along and says I am doing badly.

    That would be my mom and older sister trigger.

    I feel afraid that I will never heal my mom trigger and my older sister trigger. I have worked hard to heal those, but obviously they are still there!

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 9:02pm

  364. 364: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Cupcake, I mean, Sweetpea…P.S. BTW, I don’t send pics right up front for safety reasons. Been dating online off and on for 11 years. Some people do really twisted things with photos. And Q is prolly one of them. He doesn’t ask me for a date at all?? I mean, he saw several photos on my profile. He just proved to me he was just contacting me to get photos. What does that tell you?

    My guess? He probably has a porn site he runs with overweight women.

    I am very playful with men, but only when I feel safe and not exploited. I’ve gone from utter naivete as a country girl to a quite jaded, superb people reader! I told something like that to Kenny, my ex, recently, and he said, “Excuse me…Oh dear God, please protect her!” in a humorous way. LOL! Inotherwords, he prides himself in being a superb people reader and thinks I am still naive. I beg to differ.

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 9:04pm

  365. 365: SweetpeaNo Gravatar says:

    Lucy, you will get over your mom and older sister trigger as shown by the posts that triggered your triggers. This is exactly the place to heal your junk like that. Now thank Earthdancer and let it heal.

    Oops… directive again.

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 9:07pm

  366. 366: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Where do you go skinny dipping Brenda?? You can email me privately if you don’t want to have an audience next time you do it! Lol!

    I’ll have to email you the “romance story” I wrote a few months ago — I sent it to Woman’s World but they turned it down. They said it was “nice writing though” — so that felt good. Anyway, it’s not about skinny dipping, but it does have a mermaid theme. :)

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 9:07pm

  367. 367: SweetpeaNo Gravatar says:

    Brenda – I don’t send pics at all anymore. I used to (not online dating, with guys I had actually been with – only occasionally though) until one of my ex-boyfriends texted me asking if I had sent someone a pic of my boobs. I hadn’t sent any to anyone he knows, so I quit right then!

    Kenny sounds like a gem. I bet he did say “Oh Lord”. Did you tell him if you can’t read people well by now, he’s falling down on the job? lol

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 9:10pm

  368. 368: SweetpeaNo Gravatar says:

    re: 365 – well, not pics of anything good. My barometer now, is if I would be embarrassed for my dad or brother to find it on-line, he’s not gettin’ it.

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 9:12pm

  369. 369: Simply ShannonNo Gravatar says:

    LOL! This email exchange is amusing as hell. Normally I would take the defensive position and explain so much with him. He basically wrote that I want my cake and eat it too. I wrote:

    Of course I want to have my cake and eat it too. I would feel very happy to have everything I want. I’m a simple girl after all. :-)

    And I feel confused too. Confused and surprised really. I didn’t expect to feel jealous. I’m still learning here too.

    I feel tired now. Good night handsome. Shannon

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 9:13pm

  370. 370: SweetpeaNo Gravatar says:

    Lucy, I thought we were embracing the girl with the curl? I feel sad. I like the girl with the curl!

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 9:14pm

  371. 371: Simply ShannonNo Gravatar says:

    And then he said he “re-evaulated” and “what the heck if you wanted it that way I can too” (about dating others). He feels “disappointed that it’s been a year and we’re in the same spot”. And lastly that the ball is in my court.

    Blah, blah, blah.

    I said:

    That ball in my court looks so sad and lonely just sitting there. It really wants a boy to pick it up and play with it. Sigh. I’d feel happy cheering on that boy and telling him how great he’s playing and how good his butt looks in those shorts…

    My eyes feel so sleepy. My bed is going to feel so good tonight.

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 9:15pm

  372. 372: SweetpeaNo Gravatar says:

    Shannon,

    I really like that you keep calling him handsome. What a wonderful way to diffuse a situation (at least partially). Are you still CDing him then, or no? I’m feeling nosy here. Pray do tell…

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 9:15pm

  373. 373: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Sweetpea, it would feel good to have help healing this trigger.

    When I reread earthdancer’s post, I hear my mom feeling afraid and not trusting me to take care of myself. That feels bad and sad.

    The Rori quote part feels like my sister acting like I am stupid and a loser and will never get my act together, while she is a healthy, whole, mature godly woman (which is not even true of her, but she pretends it is.)

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 9:16pm

  374. 374: SweetpeaNo Gravatar says:

    Shannon, ok. Got it from that last post. That poor ball. I feel sad for it. And the boy not playing with it.

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 9:17pm

  375. 375: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Lucy,

    I SO relate to that trigger of being misunderstood and forever treated as the bad little girl when I am doing an excellent job! I feel pain in my heart for both of us. Wow, that’s a biggie. That’s the core of my emotional damage.

    Self-talk: “NOW what did I do wrong? Oh! I am SUCH a horrible, ugly, stupid person!”

    This is the core of the garbage I have worked hard to remove for the past 20-25 years in and out of counseling; journaling; self-counseling; book-reading; talking; CDing; Siren Islanding.

    As recently as yesterday my Mom reprimanded me! I was using my feeling messages with my brother, Sam, while the three of us sat at a restaurant. I was talking with him about the boy who was too girly to even call 911 when his 16 yr old fell off the horse and went unconscious. That led into him defending himself for rudely calling a staff at my Mom’s nursing home a liar to her face. I had given him multiple feeling messages by text previously, with no effect (he’s my hard-headed brother, after all!). I had already given it up and let it go, and he brought the subject up again.

    I said just a few words in response, very mild, letting him know i had already let it go.

    When my Mom and I drove away, I was talking about my two brothers. Mom said, “Brenda, I wish you wouldn’t drive them away by being so oppositional.”

    I asked, “Whaaat?? I feel closer to them than ever the past few months!”

    She said, “Well, that’s good, but if you are always confronting them for something, they aren’t going to like that.”

    “Mom, I used feeling messages on him, what I told you I’ve been practicing from my dating site! It is a powerful tool that brings relationships together, not further away!”

    Mom: “Well, I don’t think you should always be butting heads with them.”

    Me: “MOM! Did you hear me?? I feel unheard! I said I feel closer to them than ever! And I DIRECTLY accredit that to using feeling messages! I am genuinely speaking my feelings in a nonabrasive way! And I feel more respect and understanding from them!”

    Mom: “Well, all right. I’d just really like to see the three of you getting along before I die.”

    Me: Silent and exasperated.

    My Self-Talk: “NOW what did I do wrong?? WTF?? I give up!”

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 9:18pm

  376. 376: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Shannon, I love what you are writing to him! Maybe he will eventually “get it.” :)

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 9:19pm

  377. 377: SweetpeaNo Gravatar says:

    Well, Lucy – all things happen for a reason. I haven’t seen Earthdancer on here much, but I’ve never seen her so adamant about something. Maybe God put it in her heart to respond that way because you needed those triggers brought up here so you can get some support in healing them.

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 9:19pm

  378. 378: Simply ShannonNo Gravatar says:

    And his last email (which I’m not replying to) says:

    LOL well one boy tried to pick it up but was told to put it back down because she needed it for other boys to play with so she could cheer them on too. So he took her advice and left it for her to let others play too. Enjoy the comfortable bed.

    What he wrote about the ball is tripping me out! Haha! I mean seriously. Sweet as hell message.

    I feel confused. Remind me again about this whole circular dating thing. I know I can’t date this boy (or any other) exclusively until we are on the road to marriage but it feels confusing to say “why” without explaining.

    Okay, not gonna think anymore. I feel smiley. Funny exchange. Now off to bed for me.

    Beach.
    Porch swing.
    Spooning.

    Yeah! I love having my measuring stick!

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 9:20pm

  379. 379: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Sweetpea, RE: #363: You said, “Now thank Earthdancer and let it heal.

    Oops… directive again.”

    LOL! You’re so cute! I love your style! You step into your mother shoes for a moment then correct yourself…but not so far that you actually delete it and rewrite it in a feeling message! I like your style, for real!

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 9:23pm

  380. 380: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Yeah, I felt so surprised by her adamancy (is that a word??)!!!

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 9:26pm

  381. 381: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Shannon, I like that man!!!

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 9:27pm

  382. 382: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Sweetpea, RE: #365 – You said, “Kenny sounds like a gem. I bet he did say “Oh Lord”. Did you tell him if you can’t read people well by now, he’s falling down on the job? lol”

    Good one! Xactly! I will be sure to tell him when he calls tomorrow! He truly is the major reason I have become a good people reader, him and the Holy Spirit (The Bible said J*sus didn’t need anyone’s testimony about a man, because He knew a man)!

    Kenny has written me pages and pages on how to protect myself. One of my goals is to turn it all into a book for women. I kept all his letters. Of course Kenny is in agreement with this and would be the author named and the recipient of any income.

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 9:37pm

  383. 383: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Shannon, RE: #369 – You said, “That ball in my court looks so sad and lonely just sitting there. It really wants a boy to pick it up and play with it. Sigh. I’d feel happy cheering on that boy and telling him how great he’s playing and how good his butt looks in those shorts…

    My eyes feel so sleepy. My bed is going to feel so good tonight.”

    Your feeling messages are so perfect! I love it!

    I also feel confused. I feel the unfairness your man does. Why CAN’T he CD?

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 9:40pm

  384. 384: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Shannon,

    I agree, this boy is a keeper! Please don’t lose him just cuz HE’S playing the field, too! He sounds extremely sweet, responsive, and trying-to-be-understanding!

    So am I (trying to understand)!

    YUM!

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 9:46pm

  385. 385: SweetpeaNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks Brenda – feeling messages are a lot of work for me right now. If I took the time to put everything I want to say in a feeling message I’d be so far behind it wouldn’t make sense anymore. lol

    If you all would like to give me examples of how I could say it in a feeling message, that would be great!

    The book sounds like a noble undertaking.

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 9:52pm

  386. 386: SweetpeaNo Gravatar says:

    I feel confused about why we can CD but they can’t. How am I supposed to explain it to them if I don’t know myself? Can someone help us out with this? Rori? Somebody? Please?

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 9:54pm

  387. 387: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Woof woof! Sweet little doggie, what are you doing on my bridge? I know your name, and I know who your master is. Is he really your master? He told me that you are feisty! Do you give him a hard time, or do you obey him like a good little doggie? Are you a girl with a curl like I am?

    He sent me a picture of you. You are wearing a bow on top of your head and you look so sweet and innocent.

    What are you doing here now?

    Oh! You’ve come to keep me company on my bridge?

    Woof woof!

    Hey, you’re wagging your tail at the man dangling from my bridge. What’s he up to, little doggie? What’s your master up to?

    He’s trying to pet you, but if he lets go he will fall. He doesn’t want to fall, but he wants to pet you.

    He doesn’t want to fall, but he wants to pet you. Yes.

    If he wants to pet you badly enough, he will climb onto the bridge.

    What should we do?

    Woof woof!

    I can’t stay here with you, girl. I know you love him — I do too. But I have to keep walking on my bridge to happy ever after.

    I don’t know what he will do. He’s such a little boy, isn’t he? I wish I could help him. But I can’t. God can.

    Oh, God is dog spelled backwards!

    Are you really a dog or are you God?

    You love me, don’t you?

    Woof woof!

    You will take care of me, won’t you? I know you will.

    Am I doing okay? Or am I totally f*cked up with all this?

    Oh, you are going to stay with him and take care of him, too!

    Oh, you’ve got him covered, so I can keep walking.

    Thank you, sweet little doggie.

    Thank you God.

    Thank you for leading me and guiding me and protecting me.

    Thank you for believing in me.

    Thank you for smiling at me.

    Thank you for welcoming me to my happy ever after.

    Amen.

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 9:54pm

  388. 388: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Sweetpea,

    Sample feeling messages for your “directives”:

    Lucy, now, now…time to make up!
    Lucy, are you going to make nice?
    Lucy, BEHAVE!

    Just kidding!

    Seriously, how about…

    “Lucy, I feel thankful that, even tho it was a painful trigger for you, EarthDancer helped you heal thru that trigger. How do you feel about that?”

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 9:57pm

  389. 389: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Lucy,

    That was BEAUTIFUL!! You got me crying here!

    I guess no one else knows who the doggie symbolizes.

    John Tesh on the radio is presently talking about treating people with acceptance like a dog.

    Lucy, did I send you my professional photo with that quote on it about “It isn’t coincedence that ‘Dog’ is ‘God’ spelled backwards…God gave us dogs to show us how to love unconditionally!”?

    I love dogs! That really touched me. The judgmentalism takes the form of a dog, transforming it into unconditional love and acceptance.

    Breathe deep sigh of letting go release!

    YUM!

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 10:02pm

  390. 390: SweetpeaNo Gravatar says:

    Yes! That really does help, Brenda. Thanks. I like the first three better though. lol! Not really, it sounded more like you were taking lessons from me. haha

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 10:03pm

  391. 391: SweetpeaNo Gravatar says:

    Lucy – that was beautiful. Did you realize that part of your deal with TN Man was wanting to take care of him or was that something that just came out?

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 10:04pm

  392. 392: SweetpeaNo Gravatar says:

    At the risk of sounding like a heel, (those of you who have been keeping up with my posts know what I’m talking about)… I am going out tomorrow with my racial healing therapist. I’m liking him, but still feel really, really scared.

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 10:07pm

  393. 393: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Sweetpea,

    I wish you the best with that. I am proud of you for facing that major trigger. Once I went to a footwashing ceremony with that race, and I was the only caucasion there. I felt like I represented healing between those races, and I wept as I washed their feet, a symbol of being a servant, in case anyone isn’t familiar with the ceremony of footwashing.

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 10:14pm

  394. 394: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    I’m feeling triggered!

    I went on a date with a guy I met Saturday at the bar.

    I had him pick me up by my house, because I felt safe talking with him on the phone (a short while) and when I met him at the club, and texted his number and name to my friend.

    Well I was really hungry and had told him that I was gonna get tacos, but didn’t get a chance to.

    Then he was gonna reschedule for the weekend because of traffic, but decided not to when I said i would feel disappointed. I also said oh i feel bad i don’t want to feel like im pulling on you.

    So he picked me up and I said i was hungry so he asked me what I was gonna eat and i said i want to eat taco truck tacos. Remember this is the cheapest stuff money wise (AND I LOVE THEM).

    So when we were at the taco truck he didn’t look like he was gonna buy them, and i felt awkward. I asked him does he want to buy them for me, and he said no no go ahead. So i bought them for 5 dollars.

    I felt weird and kinda tightened up, but not horribly mad.

    I felt annoyed that I ddin’t have my car, because I feel uncomfortable and weird callig a cab and spending … ok it might only have been 10 dollars but could have been 20… and I feel embarassed to ask my parents to pick me up…

    so he then wanted to go to a marina and i made sure it was one by my house

    I told him that I don’t like (when we got to the marina) that he didn’t pay for my tacos, he said ohhh well he doesnt know me hes just meeting me, and that he woudl if he was getitng some,

    i said i dont want a man thats not generous, he said hes not ungenerous but right now hes but right now he’s just seeing how i am…

    so we talked a bit about materialistic stuff, and i felt a lil upset by the tinge of teh conversation, i said i felt tightened up

    we talked about other stuff… i asked him to give me a lil piece of smoke pot i saw in his car, he said yeah

    we kissed

    i felt pretty relaxed

    but i also felt kinda distant

    right now i just got home, and even tho i was feelin pretty good, i just keep thinking about how he didnt buy me tacos, and i STILL FEEL UPSET

    and i feel UNCOMFORTABLE telling him, I don’t want to look like im stuck on trippin, or him to not like me

    aaah!! trigger!!

    he gave me something, he seemed like he would get me food next time – i told him clearly i dont like to pay for stuff on dats

    and i felt GOOD with him ,he gave me hugs and comforted me

    and now at home I just am thinking HOW EMBARASSING

    and wishing I HAD HAD my car right there – then I would have said right AT the taco truck… oh i feel kinda weird taht a man wouldn’t pay for my food on our date

    and if it turned into feeling bad i could have left in my car

    blah

    i feel weird
    embarassed
    disappointed

    werid

    i liked him more before i met him, but while i was with him i thought i liked him… now that he’s gone im jsut getting more and more pist about not having had my food bought for me on a dATE! the GALL!!! and i feel weird because we had already talked about it! I thought i had stopped feeling upset about it, but i guess not

    woww

    i felt good towards him and now i feel mad! like I dont even care if i talk to him ever again!

    wow

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 10:17pm

  395. 395: SweetpeaNo Gravatar says:

    Brenda, thank you. I’m looking forward to it in a way that feels a little sick to me. Just because I know it’s going to be hard, but it will also be very healing. And I’m not really sure yet – I’m hoping that I can work through this fast and it will be easier than I’m fearing. Of course it will be – the fear are my NVs right?
    He actually seems really cool – I suppose the more open I am, the more success I will have.
    I like your story about the footwashing.

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 10:20pm

  396. 396: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Lucy – clearly (in my mind – why are we there again) “all this” has nothing to do with him but is about the 25 year old make out session

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 10:23pm

  397. 397: SweetpeaNo Gravatar says:

    Daria – I feel interested in what you are saying to Lucy. Are you saying that TN Man sensed that she was moving on and that was facilitated by 25, or… that these feelings for Lucy are coming back up because of 25?

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 10:25pm

  398. 398: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks, Brenda and Sweetpea.

    Unconditional love and acceptance. Yes. In every way, for everyone.

    Yes, Brenda, you sent me that pic — I love it!

    Hmm, Sweetpea, let me think. He was kinda taking care of ME in a lot of ways . . . but I have always seen through his confident exterior to the insecurity inside — and he has shared a tiny bit of that with me too — I don’t think I ever consciously felt a desire to take care of him — that just came out when I was writing ….. he is like a lost little boy in some ways, putting on a brave front . . . and I guess I want him to be healed and healthy and happy …. And maybe I kinda feel like I would be good for him, because I love and accept him unconditionally . . . but it’s like, what came out in this writing was that I have to leave that to God.

    What’s coming to mind now is that Taylor Swift song….”If you could see that I’m the one who understands you Been here all along so why can’t you see?You belong with me You belong with me” — She’s saying that she is GOOD for him. I guess that’s how I feel. But I have to let God decide what’s good for him and let God bring him whatever he needs.

    It’s weird, though, how I had been trying to take my focus OFF him , and then the comment from earthdancer kinda resulted in me focusing on him MORE. But maybe it was a kind of focus that resulted in further integration and healing for me around the whole thing.

    Thanks, earthdancer, for the trigger. (not said with much enthusiasm)
    Thank you, Sweetpea and Brenda for walking beside me tonight.

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 10:26pm

  399. 399: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Oh! Daria’s here! I have to read what she wrote!

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 10:26pm

  400. 400: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Daria, I am wondering what you mean too #394.

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 10:33pm

  401. 401: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    I feel resonant to Earthdancer’s comment to Lucy.

    I feel afraid of Lucy’s trigger right now

    When I read that exact same line from Rori’s post “Lucy” flashed to me immediately as well

    I feel surprised to see Earthdancer post that

    I feel afraid to express this, I don’t want to be attacked or accused

    I feel afraid of feleing guilty grrrrrrr

    I feel defensive’

    “not that anyone cares” says defensive voice

    but to me “you taught me how to let you go” in reference to that man feels horribly terribly icky and like throwing myself at his feet

    EFFF it . keep it real Daria. I FEEL SCARED to!

    rarrugh

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 10:34pm

  402. 402: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    crap i feel guilty now seeing lucy just wrote to me

    i feel afraid shes gonna hate me now

    i feel so frustrated dealing with this

    UGGH

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 10:34pm

  403. 403: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    About the not paying guy . . . I met Tattoo Man for our first meeting at a coffee shop, and he didn’t pay for my coffee. I felt kinda like you described, but I didn’t say anything to him about it. But it kinda set the stage for me not feeling super attracted to him — even though he was a good-looking, cool guy. It was just, huh? you can’t pay for a girl’s coffee???

    We both decided we felt a “friend vibe” — and then we did stuff as friends a couple times, but what I realized during those ‘friend” activities was that he really is a taker, not a giver. And I felt like maybe that initial not paying for my coffee was basically a snapshot of the kind of guy he really was.

    Just my two cents. Your guy might be a different story.

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 10:37pm

  404. 404: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Daria, could you please tell me what you mean in #394?

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 10:40pm

  405. 405: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Daria, I don’t hate you. But I do feel confused and sad, because earlier today you were saying that you thought I was doing really well.

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 10:43pm

  406. 406: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    I meant that when TN man texted you

    “how are you processing all this?”

    the last stuff you guys had recently talked about was you having a makeout session with a 25 year old…

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 10:43pm

  407. 407: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Lucy I did think you were doing really well. Actually you were doing great… which means you are on the road of doing great… yay

    but the text to TN man I FEEL LIKE ”

    NOOOOOOOOOOO

    ICKKKKKKKK

    PLEASE LUCY NOOOOOOO”

    is that a feeling?

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 10:45pm

  408. 408: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Lucy – thank you for the tattoo man story. wow. and how you didnt feel attracted because of this! yes! this could be very much why i felt “distant”

    I feel a (big) step closer to feeling more comfortable sharing with him how i’m feeling about this

    SCRIPTING

    I want scripting help

    he’s gonna call me!

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 10:46pm

  409. 409: SweetpeaNo Gravatar says:

    Daria – Your the air he breathes, remember? That’s been resonating with me all day today. Just thought I’d throw it out there and see if it helps you out.

    My thought is that 1) it’s a respect thing 2) it’s a masculine energy thing and 3) he invited you out, did he not?

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 10:52pm

  410. 410: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    RE:
    I meant that when TN man texted you

    “how are you processing all this?”

    the last stuff you guys had recently talked about was you having a makeout session with a 25 year old…

    ………..

    No, I didn’t tell him we had a make-out session. My last text to him was BEFORE my date with 25 — I only told TN man that I was going on a date with a 25 year old — I didn’t text him at ALL after the date. He had texted me, “Have fun.”

    Then, the next day, without me texting him at all, he texted, “So are you processing through all this?”

    So I was trying to decide how to respond to that and wondering what he actually meant. He didn’t mean “the make-out session” cuz he didn’t know anything about that.

    I was putting out my ideas for a response on here hoping for feedback on a good response text– (was hoping for GENTLE feedback) — and did not anticipate the whole scenario being torn apart… He texted me, I was gonna text him back….I was looking for feedback on what to text . . . and then all hell broke loose and he was called toxic . . .

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 10:56pm

  411. 411: SweetpeaNo Gravatar says:

    Let me try that in feeling messages. If it were me, I would feel disrespected. I would feel frustrated and icky because he didn’t value my time. I would feel manipulated that he wouldn’t buy them for me because he’s not sleeping with me? WTF? I would feel angry because he invited me out.

    On the other hand, he didn’t invite you for tacos, so… my question is, Did he pay for the rest of your night out?

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 10:57pm

  412. 412: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Shannon blah – I feel triggered!! ECKH I FEEL GUILT TRIPPED!

    what a huge trigger for me

    I feel totally turned off

    my defense says: thats ok, one little boy will be brave and strong enough to win over the little boys, and it would feel nice to me if it was you

    hmmm turned into not such a defensive message (execpt for the thats ok)

    how about

    ohhh that feels terrible to read… i feel blamed and i dont’ like it…

    im looking for one little boy to be brave strong and loving enough win over the other lil boys … that’s the one for me… it would feel nice to have him be you

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 10:57pm

  413. 413: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    yes, but the last thing you said is you’re having a date with a 25 year old (scratch make out session)

    then you’re asked are you processing…

    sounds like youre asked about processing your date

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 10:58pm

  414. 414: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    omg lucy he FEELS TOTTALY TOXIC

    no kidding he was called that

    GEEZ!!!! he;s freakin dating another woman, texting you, and talking about 3 somes

    ICK!!!

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 10:59pm

  415. 415: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Daria, what happened with this thought that you wrote earlier — “you shifted your energy away – yay CD – and now he’s pursuing the best way he knows how”?

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 10:59pm

  416. 416: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    nothing happened with that – thats what is/was going on…

    now I wouldn’t want the energy to shift BACK to icky

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 11:01pm

  417. 417: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Sweetpea and other CD’ers confused about why men can’t. Rori has at least one post about it.

    Search for it.

    I will make a quick attempt now.

    BTW the reason is, because WE are looking for marriage… and we want men that are INTO us. and we are going to pick out of the ones that are INTO us for MARRIAGE… when they propose.

    a man who’s inot a bunch of women isn’t using his full energy to WOO Us

    these men are here to WOO us

    not to casually date tralalal

    sure at first, they may be dating other women.. but if its’ still going on after awhile… drop em

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 11:04pm

  418. 418: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Well, if dating one person and texting another one is toxic for a man, I say it’s toxic for a woman to be doing that too.

    Maybe that’s how Shannon’s guy feels. GEEZ!!! She’s freakin dating a whole bunch of other men!
    TOXIC!!!

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 11:05pm

  419. 419: SweetpeaNo Gravatar says:

    I feel anger toward Attracted1. I feel frustrated. I am oxygen. How could he not be interested? That’s what I’ve been thinking all day.

    He’ll be back, I know. I’m just not sure I want him to be now. He was so much fun until we met in person. WTF? I feel sad and disappointed.

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 11:07pm

  420. 420: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    ugh i feel exasperated… you know if everyone went thru and read rori’s posts on this blog which she has for free, then we wouldn’t have to answer questions over and over that have been adressed in rori’s posts

    I know I THE COOLEST PERSON IN THE WHOLE WORLD

    would spend hours and hours reading every single post

    why can’t others!!

    why thank you voice that feels scary to post

    ok

    while searching i found this cool rori quote

    “There IS no game. Not anymore. There’s only you, what you want and need and deserve, and the men who “get that” and want to be with you.

    There is no more time, energy and love left for any man who does not want you.

    The days of settling for less love are over.”

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 11:07pm

  421. 421: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Yah maybe she should fight for him and buy a ring and get on one knee and propose to him after wooing him and bringing him pretty flowers

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 11:08pm

  422. 422: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Uh, no. He wasn’t asking me if I was processing the date! It feels silly to me that someone would think that. And it shines a huge beam of light on a truth that should have been obvious to me from the start: You — Daria, and Earthdancer– DO NOT KNOW THIS GUY AT ALL!!!! And you freakin think you do!!!

    That you would even think he was talking about the date shows that you don’t get him at all.

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 11:12pm

  423. 423: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i woud just assume he’s asking me that because thats the last thing we talked about, and cuz i would have damn near forgotten about his lil 3 some suggestion

    and i would feel more attentive to the recent experience i had

    i feel REALLY WEIRD to be asked how the EFF am i processing that you have a girlfriend

    ARE YOU OUT YOUR MIND?>??

    I WOULD SLAP THE SHIT OUT OF YOU LIL BOY?

    GET THE FUCK LOST

    HOW AM I PROCESSING YOU HUMILIATING ME??

    PLEASE???

    OHHH i dont want to know him because I woud baseball bat him and his car for messing with you lucy

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 11:16pm

  424. 424: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    oops i landed in moderation

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 11:16pm

  425. 425: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    woud just assume he’s asking me that because thats the last thing we talked about, and cuz i would have damn near forgotten about his lil 3 some suggestion

    and i would feel more attentive to the recent experience i had

    i feel REALLY WEIRD to be asked how the EFF am i processing that you have a girlfriend

    ARE YOU OUT YOUR MIND?>??

    I WOULD SLAP THE @#$# OUT OF YOU LIL BOY?

    GET THE FUCK LOST

    HOW AM I PROCESSING YOU HUMILIATING ME??

    PLEASE???

    OHHH i dont want to know him because I woud baseball bat him and his car for messing with you lucy

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 11:16pm

  426. 426: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    woud just assume he’s asking me that because thats the last thing we talked about, and cuz i would have damn near forgotten about his lil 3 some suggestion

    and i would feel more attentive to the recent experience i had

    i feel REALLY WEIRD to be asked how the EFF am i processing that you have a girlfriend

    ARE YOU OUT YOUR MIND?>??

    I WOULD SLAP THE @#$# OUT OF YOU LIL BOY?

    GET THE F&&& LOST

    HOW AM I PROCESSING YOU HUMILIATING ME??

    PLEASE???

    OHHH i dont want to know him because I woud baseball bat him and his car for messing with you lucy

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 11:17pm

  427. 427: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Daria, ya know what?

    Your posts are FULL of you doing non-Rori behaviors!

    I read them and see that, and just kinda smile a little cuz I trust that in time you will see it for yourself and I don’t need to point it out to you — you are doing the best you can, baby steps — and I am not going to judge or criticize you or feel frustrated or exasperated with your process — because I trust the process and I know that we all have blind spots and don’t see — whoa Daria! — what we’re doing that is totally leaning forward, etc. So many non-Rori things I see you doing that I do not do, and I feel surprised when I read about them, like, Daria? Don’t you see what you did there?

    So I’m getting really ticked off that the pot keeps calling the kettle black because the pot can’t see its own color.

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 11:19pm

  428. 428: JeannetteNo Gravatar says:

    Is it okay to tell men that you date that your ultimate goal is to be married? When is the right time to tell them that? And how, so you don’t scare them away?

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 11:20pm

  429. 429: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Lucy – I dont give a %%% because I’m momentarily letting go of control and im letting loose my inner drama queen right now

    Jeannette – yes, i tell them right away, usually in the first phone call, it doesn’t scare them away, unless I have a heavy ivbe about it, which I did at first, but now I tweaked and healed out of it

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 11:26pm

  430. 430: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Sweetpea – I’m looking for that post where Rori adressed why its good FOR US for us to circular date… but not for a man we’re dating to do so, i’m going chronological but i can’t seem to find it… grr…

    anywone remember that post?

    Shannon?

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 11:29pm

  431. 431: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Daria,

    I have beenn on this blog since the end of March, and I have spent HOURS every day on this blog. The rest of my life is in shambles because of all my emotional fucked-upedness. I can’t handle life because I’m too damn lonely to be home long enuff to handle filing taxes, much less opening envelopes when I bring home the mail the documents are in. I could go on and on about my boxes of unopened bills, etc. and all I need to follow up on.

    But I melt into Siren Island because it’s really good for me and I NEED you guys right now.

    I feel judged and criticized that I don’t spend 24 hours a day on Siren Island. I feel angry and exasperated, similar to how I do with my Mom, like the example I gave earlier.

    “No matter what I do, it’s NOT GOOD ENUFF! NOW what did I do wrong?? I’m such a horrible person!” my triggering self-talk is screaming.

    My anger is wanting, no begging, me to slip out some sarcasm here. But I know sarcasm is the ugly cousin of angrrrrrr.

    I love Siren Island. I am reading and writing as fast as i can, and as it is, I MUST slow down before my back taxes start being garnished, etc., etc.

    You have been on here much longer than me. It stands to reason you have read and understood a lot more on here than me.

    It’s possible that I am coming from a place of far more social retardation than you. Maybe I had to spend the last year listening to Rori and Christian 3 or 4 times each on their CD seminars to get it thru my socially underpriveleged head how to function in a basic dating relationship.

    How do you feel about all that? I still love you.

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 11:30pm

  432. 432: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Daria,

    I have been on this blog since the end of March, and I have spent HOURS every day on this blog. The rest of my life is in shambles because of all my emotional f*cked-upedness. I can’t handle life because I’m too d*mn lonely to be home long enuff to handle filing taxes, much less opening envelopes when I bring home the mail the documents are in. I could go on and on about my boxes of unopened bills, etc. and all I need to follow up on.

    But I melt into Siren Island because it’s really good for me and I NEED you guys right now.

    I feel judged and criticized that I don’t spend 24 hours a day on Siren Island. I feel angry and exasperated, similar to how I do with my Mom, like the example I gave earlier.

    “No matter what I do, it’s NOT GOOD ENUFF! NOW what did I do wrong?? I’m such a horrible person!” my triggering self-talk is screaming.

    My anger is wanting, no begging, me to slip out some sarcasm here. But I know sarcasm is the ugly cousin of angrrrrrr.

    I love Siren Island. I am reading and writing as fast as i can, and as it is, I MUST slow down before my back taxes start being garnished, etc., etc.

    You have been on here much longer than me. It stands to reason you have read and understood a lot more on here than me.

    It’s possible that I am coming from a place of far more social retardation than you. Maybe I had to spend the last year listening to Rori and Christian 3 or 4 times each on their CD seminars to get it thru my socially underpriveleged head how to function in a basic dating relationship.

    How do you feel about all that? I still love you.

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 11:32pm

  433. 433: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    “woud just assume he’s asking me that because thats the last thing we talked about, and cuz i would have damn near forgotten about his lil 3 some suggestion and i would feel more attentive to the recent experience i had”

    Well, when you actually have a RELATIONSHIP with a person (yes, a relationship — the actual meaning of the word — there are other kinds of relationships besides “romantic”) — you have ONGOING stuff in your relationship, you don’t just forget everything that was said and done before the very last thing that was said and done. It all builds on top of each other in a relationship. It’s not just a linear conversation. Relationships are multi-faceted and have depth. It’s not just, oh, I said this today, then you said that next and then I said this and then you said that and we have forgotten everything we said and did yesterday. Maybe if you’re a squirrel or a bird or something, but it doesn’t work that way with human relationships.

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 11:32pm

  434. 434: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Hey everyone – I’m experimenting with a VERY HONEST UNCENSORED TYPE OF PROCESSING RIGHT NOW!

    I am not particualrly interested in debating mental stuff right now

    PLEASE DEAL WITH YOUR OWN TRIGGERS , and I MIGHT GET TRIGGERED BY YOU STILL AND COMMENT

    OH WELLL

    oh the first line of this was meant to say that the purpose of this is not to HURT you

    I AM BEING A VOLCANO!1

    OKIE DOKIE

    YAHOOO

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 11:37pm

  435. 435: maryNo Gravatar says:

    hey, Jeannette.

    i think so! i have Rori’s tapes and yes, i listened to them, but they’re lost at the moment, so i don’t really know. i’m just assuming.

    it’s just fine to tell them that. lots of guys tell me that they’re looking for their one and only…

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 11:40pm

  436. 436: maryNo Gravatar says:

    i went on a coffee date and got some hot chocolate, and the guy had to keep pulling change out of his pocket to pay for it. i was looking all around, and he said, “you’re not from around here, are you?”

    and i said, “oh! why do you ask?”

    and he said, “because the women from around here pay for themselves.”

    and it’s true.

    and they call men, too.

    and men like it when they call, and they expect me to call them!

    i don’t feel comfortable doing that because of years and years of programming not to. charm school way back when!

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 11:42pm

  437. 437: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Sweetpea, just got this from koolv — “you look like a little angel when you sleep. :-* “

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 11:44pm

  438. 438: SweetpeaNo Gravatar says:

    Mary –
    Are you in Michigan?

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 11:46pm

  439. 439: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    BTW, Lucy, if you dare to share, how did you finally decide to address his question?

    Daria, I have learned there are many levels of relationships and many different values among people. Some people find a threesome very exciting and adventurous. I’m not saying I do. But I have adventured with my sexuality in the past, going to sex clubs and such, complete with all-nude, 15-person hot tubs and multiple bedrooms off to the side of the bar. Couples would swap and/or have one night stands. In other rooms, they would gang bang or a group of men watch a woman pleaure herself on a $2000 sex machine! Another room was darkened for a morals-be-gone orgy! i saw a man going down on a woman, who was stretched overtop of the bar wearing nothing but garter belts, hose, and high heels!

    I had my adventure, and now I’ve returned to my roots, cleansed by God, and I have committed to never having sex again until I am married.

    But if a threesome is enticing to Lucy, who are we to judge her? Are we perfect? Who are we to judge TN Man? Maybe his values allow for threesomes and playing the field in dating!

    The more I think about Rori’s methods, the more excited I feel to share them with everyone, MEN INCLUDED! I know Rori discourages this, so I don’t except for rare exceptions. But I wouldn’t have a problem with it at all if I were dating a man and he was dating other women. I would feel jealous a lil and want him to myself, but heck, he is using the same tools we are to get women to step up! Fine by me!

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 11:46pm

  440. 440: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Mary – I think you posted this before! hehe

    yes

    I feel more powerful about addressing this with the guy

    heyyy ive been feeling kidna weird

    what why whatsup ma?

    well i feel uncomfortable talking about it

    just tell me what it is ma?

    well i had a really nice time and i like you… and I feel weird because the truth is im not over it that I had to pay for my tacos… i feel unsure about that now… thats’ just not something i feel comfortable with on dates , paying for stuff… and i dont want to go out and have to do that ever again

    what do you think?

    more processing – i feel really uncomfortable talking about this, because on one hand i feel judged as being materialistic or whatever…

    and i dont feel good being thought of that way

    and i still dont want to pay for stuff on a date.

    i feel like thats not good enough treatment for me

    what do you think ?

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 11:46pm

  441. 441: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Brenda – you dont get it. still searching for taht post but about to give up

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 11:47pm

  442. 442: SweetpeaNo Gravatar says:

    Lucy – Do you have a pic up of you sleeping? I feel confused.

    I haven’t gotten anything from him, so cool. My feeling message must have worked. I feel relieved.

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 11:47pm

  443. 443: maryNo Gravatar says:

    i feel embarrassed about my comments last night about the guys i’ve been dating. as if i was bragging.

    but you know what?

    anyone can have lots of dates.

    i proved it to myself in January when i was ready to go out, but was going home to care for my Mom for three or four weeks, so it didn’t make sense to get started in a new relationship.

    i just put an ad on Craigslist that said, “brisk walk and hot chocolate?” in the subject, and “could be fun.” in the main section. i didn’t ask for a picture and i refused to send a picture.

    and i got sixteen or seventeen hits, and i scheduled eight dates, right in a row. no one even asked for my picture.

    and that was amazing. and i totally forgot about R, and the fact that we just broke up.

    and i met some pretty cool guys. and a few not so cool ones, too. what a great kick-off for my adventure.

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 11:48pm

  444. 444: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Brenda, I didn’t respond to him yet. I had been hoping to have a little loving help on here about wording my feeling message, but… yeah.

    Right now I feel like flying away and hiding in pixie hollow.

    I suppose I’d better ask him what he was referring to, because it’s now obvious that it is NOT obvious.

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 11:51pm

  445. 445: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Cum to think of it, when Ryan kept hurting me, I finally saw the light about the power of circular dating and told Ryan in October of last year that I was no longer exclusive with him and i was going to keep dating other men until I had a ring on my finger.

    His response was to try to make me jealous. Next time I saw him, he told me he had gone to a Halloween party at a bar with a woman friend. I said, “Ah, a hot date, huh?” He said, “No, just a friend.” He had never done that in the TEN MONTHS we had been seeing each other exclusively.

    In the same conversation, he made a point to tell me he overheard a couple of cute teenage girls comment on him as he walked out of a bookstore, “Wow! A perfect 10!” He was clearly trying to make me jealous. Again, he never normally talked like this before I gave him the no boyfriend speech. I responded, “Ryan, that’s awesome! You are SUCH a handsome man! I’m glad you over heard that! You needed to hear that!”

    When we CD, we take back our feminine power. A man FEELS that power shift! He tries to grab back the power by dating multiple women himself! I think that may be what TN Man is doing, at least a lil, and I feel almost sure that’s what Shannon’s man is doing.

    How do you feel about all that?

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 11:52pm

  446. 446: maryNo Gravatar says:

    sweet pea, i live in canada!

    daria,

    i usually react exactly like Lucy reacted to Tatoo Man in 401.

    i just let it go if i have to pay. you know? not worth it. but – and i posted this before, too –

    when a guy pays for me, i feel like he’s saying, “she’s with ME. and i protect HER. and i’ll spend money to do anything she needs me to do!”

    when he asks me to pay on the first date, (and usually they quote something about women’s libbers), it’s just a really big turn-off.

    and i log that into my lil calculating brain.

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 11:53pm

  447. 447: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Brenda, you get it.

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 11:54pm

  448. 448: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    I FEEL SO FRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRUSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSTRAAAAAAAAAATEDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 11:54pm

  449. 449: maryNo Gravatar says:

    and yes, i know.

    i need to get more into my feelings. i’m working on it. really and truly.

    i feel excited about it!

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 11:54pm

  450. 450: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    I

    DONT

    WANT

    YOU

    TO THINK

    THAT ITS OK

    TO ACCEPT

    BAD FEELING

    TREATMENT

    FROM A MAN.

    UNTIL YOU GET THIS>

    YOU DONT GET IT!

    ALL OF YOU

    DARIA INCLUDED

    URRRRRRRRRRGHHHHHHHHHHHHH

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 11:55pm

  451. 451: maryNo Gravatar says:

    hmmmm… daria.

    why?

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 11:55pm

  452. 452: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Nah, sweetpea, no pic of me sleeping, so it was a lil creepy lol!! It was like he was saying he was watching me sleep! I emailed back, “I feel kinda scared.”

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 11:56pm

  453. 453: maryNo Gravatar says:

    daria,

    when a man treats me badly, i have a choice. i can talk about it (try to teach him) or let it go (be nice and decide never to see him again).

    it’s simply a personal preference.

    Monday, 14 June 2010 @ 11:57pm

  454. 454: maryNo Gravatar says:

    i’m not really a teacher.

    unless i really like a guy, and he does everything wonderfully except for one thing, and we get to talking about that one thing,

    -in that case-

    sure.

    i’ll give him my two cents.

    other than that, i don’t feel i owe it to him to have a discussion about it. he didn’t pay? hmmmm… he has no manners. do i like that? no. i’ll take that into consideration if he ever asks to see me again.

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 12:00am

  455. 455: SweetpeaNo Gravatar says:

    Lucy – Now I feel creeped out again. I was hoping you weren’t going to tell me that. Ick!!

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 12:00am

  456. 456: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Brenda, all over the internet, dating coaches for men teach the guys to do exactly that — date lots of women at the same time, flirt with lots of women, keep up their own degree of difficulty, etc.

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 12:00am

  457. 457: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    “Passive-Aggressive means you are FEELING ANGRY, but you choose to be reasonable, or pleasant, or nice, or teacher-like, as though you are lecturing.

    It means, at bottom, that you’re focused on someone ELSE’S behavior – on what they’ve done and your opinion and even feeling ABOUT it, how it’s landing with you…all that. It is essentially not an expression – it’s a DEFENSE. It’s a kind of revenge. It’s a way to let off some steam without really touching what the anger is all about – while still staying in some zone where you feel okay about yourself (nice, pleasant, good, smart…)

    And the ultimate effect is that it does damage to YOU. It gets you riled up. It accentuates your disappointment, and it makes you feel scuzzy because you KNOW you’re just talking about another person – and here – without even KNOWING the other person, really – and that you’re not even telling the truth about YOURSELF!”

    so what the hell is this anger about!!!!

    is it about me feeling POWERLESS AND UNHEARD>???

    is it about these thoughts of prison guards and nazi guards and bars and guards that be beez uin my thouhts

    what am i doing??? what Ma i doing???

    oh yeah

    im living life

    im living life right now

    and im a live life tiilll its over

    but its far from overrrr

    ufffffffffff

    I FEEL SO DISAPPOINTED!!!

    I FEEL FRUSTRATED!!!

    NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

    I DONT WANT TO SEE PEOPLE TREATING THEMSELVES POORLY

    I DONT WANT TO SURROUND MYSELF WITH WOMEN TREATING THEMSELVES POORLY

    I FEEL ANGRY!!!!

    I FEEL ANGRY!!!!!!!!!

    I FEEL ANGRYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    I OK WHAT IS IT ABOU TMEEEEEE

    ???

    I DONT WANT TO TREAT MYSELF POORLY?

    ok so then what

    ok

    blah gross

    it feels gross to read some posts so then what

    i dont want to not read

    mmmmm

    ok
    not reading certain posts

    for 5 minutes

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 12:00am

  458. 458: maryNo Gravatar says:

    i mean,

    it seems like i should just go out there and EXPECT to be treated well.

    if i’m not, i might raise an eyebrow. i might smile a little smile. i might look at the floor.

    if i’m yelled at or treated abusively, there are taxis. i have friends. and mad money.

    but that never happens.

    most guys treat me really well.

    i don’t insist on being treated any whicha way. i feel almost like that insistence is energy wasted. better spend that energy elsewhere, putting myself out there so other guys can treat me better.

    i was born with a very even temperament. i don’t get upset very often. so that’s just my particular personality. it’s not the way it is for everyone.

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 12:05am

  459. 459: JeannetteNo Gravatar says:

    Wow, my long distance broke up with me 6 months ago and still sends me stuff via e-mail, sometimes just forward stuff and he adds, how’s your family…….stuff like that. I want to hear from him but I don’t…so confusing…..I know you guys told me to tell him to stop sending me stuff but I havn’t. Would that make him draw closer or just say, “okay, whatever” and not send me anything ever again. I guess it doesn’t matter, we are broke up….I just don’t respond to anything he sends.

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 12:06am

  460. 460: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Mary – I did talk to him about it actually.

    BUt i don’t feel satisfied. He says he would pay if he was also getitn food, and the he would pay in dating eventually but he was just seeing how i am first now…

    I “understand” this and am familiar with this mentality from my “being a guy” years…

    but i don’t want to make excuses because i am familiar with it!

    and i dont feel all the way satisified

    and i feel guilty because that talk was right after the taco’s at the beginning of the date, and we still had a nice date after, AND NOW it’s resurfacing for me,

    and i don’t feel comfortable ENOUGH WITH HIM to feel safe expressing my feeling icky that HIS behavior wasn’t good enuf for me

    blah

    the scripting i did was good

    more scripting?

    i wish he’d call now

    hehe
    so i could tell him already

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 12:07am

  461. 461: SweetpeaNo Gravatar says:

    Daria – At the risk of triggering you more, the first thing that came to mind when you said you don’t want to see people treating themselves poorly – you don’t want to treat yourself poorly – was marketing. Could it be that you are selling yourself short by not doing the marketing? That in resisting it you are self-sabotaging?

    I’m feeling curious about why you’re feeling so worked up the last couple of days about us not working the tools just so. I sense that there is something bigger bothering you.

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 12:08am

  462. 462: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    I
    DONT
    WANT
    YOU
    TO THINK
    THAT ITS OK
    TO ACCEPT
    BAD FEELING
    TREATMENT
    FROM A MAN.

    There is a reality that isn’t talked about on here at all. And it is this:

    Intimacy by definition involves sometimes feeling BAD about how the other person is treating you. WORKING THROUGH THAT = INTIMACY

    WORKING THROUGH THAT does NOT mean you are ACCEPTING “bad feeling treatment.”

    “Bad feeling treatment” may actually be GOOD for you! Like surgery feels bad but is good for you.

    It is a CRUCIAL part of intimacy.

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 12:09am

  463. 463: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Daria,

    I feel condescended to.

    You have shared many, many truths on here with me, and I deeply appreciate all that you have patiently taught me. I appreciate how strongly you believe in Rori and her wonderful work.

    I agree that we shouldn’t accept bad-feeling treatment from men.

    But perhaps each goddess may decide for herself WHAT xactly constitutes bad treatment. Maybe Juicy Lucy is INTO experimenting with threesomes! Maybe she’s never done that before! Maybe this is part of her self-discovery, flying out of her box, expanding her comfort zone, feeling free.

    TN Man and she were acquainted a couple years ago. So when he suggested a threesome, he wasn’t being a perv or a womanizer. He was approaching a woman who he knew quite well, who he had an idea was open to the idea of sexual wildsideness!

    As for paying, again, I feel it is up to each goddess to decide what feels right for HER. If it feels yucky and low class to you for him not to pay, I respect that. If it were me, I’d see it as an exception cuz it was not like dude took me to a restaurant as part of the date. It was YOUR idea, cuz your were hungry. It wasn’t a chivalrous moment, in my view. But again, I respect your view, cuz that’s you.

    Ryan is on disability, and he has very little money. My values say even tho I wish he were rich and a home owner and all, I love him for who he is inside. It is more important to me that he be available, timewise, for long, long dates, as in, not a workaholic who is too busy to lavish me with attention. It is more important to me that he has intelligence, sensitivite listening skills, and a beautiful heart than money. So I paid almost everywhere we went.

    I have dated men in prison off and on for 21 years, and they were flat broke and I mailed them money just to survive, turning down a multi-millionaire in the process.

    Granted, I am coming from a place of low self-esteem and all, but even tho I see things more clearly now, I still feel the same way, and i still send Kenny money, and I would still pay if Ryan would ever get around to calling me again! :-)

    I love you, Daria! How do you feel about all I said?

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 12:09am

  464. 464: maryNo Gravatar says:

    i get angry.

    and i express it.

    i say, “i feel really mad about that.”

    “i feel disappointed.”

    when Island Man told me he’d been spending his time at the sauna, while i was waiting for him, i said,

    “well, i can’t say that i’m not disappointed.”

    i wondered later why i didn’t just say,

    “I feel disappointed.”

    i think that would have been better, but it would have shamed him.

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 12:09am

  465. 465: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Mary – lol

    when i feel that way , i tighten up and do “damage control” which i think of financially – for some reason! trigger

    so what i think is,,, noooo i dont want to have to spend 20 $ on a taxi right now!!!

    so i’ll just be cool until we get by my house

    it feels weird! i feel curious about this trigger

    I’m thinking a message is to be a lil more involved in taking my car on first dates… until im SURE its good

    remember those guys who wouldnt bring you back right away?

    then i didnt want to spend 100$ on a taxi, OR call my parents in the middle of the nite

    MAry i fele triggered by the i was born with even temperament —

    volcano daria says stuffing!!! hello stuffing!!!

    you havent even mentioned feeling angry

    yes its ok to feel angry

    i was born with even temperament tooo

    and sometimes i feel angry

    youd be surprised at how even my even temperament would have seemed (since you see so much explosiveness on blog)—

    and espeically when im stuffing! which happened a lot

    and now still happens sometimes

    UFFF

    i am practicing unstuffing anger

    i feel very afriad that my anger will make the uniformed people capturing me and locking me up

    UFFF I FEEL ANGRRY

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 12:12am

  466. 466: maryNo Gravatar says:

    i like to have interchanges with people where they’re able to save face.

    it’s important for everyone to save face.

    once, my sister-in-law told me that she was gonna kill herself. her brother and sister didn’t believe her and they laughed. i called the police.

    and the police called me and told me that they found her on a bridge at 3 am, ready to jump into the freezing cold river, and they made her go home.

    if the police hadn’t ordered her home, she wouldn’t have been able to save face, after alerting us all and telling us she was gonna kill herself.

    the ability to save face saved her life.

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 12:13am

  467. 467: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Sweetpea – hey yes!! I have been thinking im treating myself poorly by not doing the marketing!

    wow intuition siren! i’ve been thinking about that

    ive made babysteps in sharing about it with men and making in clear i want them to HELP, not by telling ME to market, but by perhaps marketing it themselves… i’ve gotten less “you gotta do it responses”

    why am i resisiting it?

    not sure –

    mostly i don’t want to do it

    i have a belief im not good at it

    I am very afraid of it

    i am feeling super overwhelmed by it right now just talking a lil bit about it

    come on daria just do some marketing

    no no no

    barf

    shrug. . hands out

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 12:16am

  468. 468: maryNo Gravatar says:

    so i might be disappointed when a guy tells me that women have done it to themselves, and they should pay for themselves now. that’s what they wanted! so he’s just going along with what every woman really wants.

    yes.

    so disappointed!

    angry?

    no.

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 12:17am

  469. 469: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Mary – i feel triggered about the saving face thing… you’re not responsible for saving other people’s face, though i can see how it would go into choose your words with respect – no blaming or you’ing

    i feel triggered too because that story you told could be interpreted in so many ways besides saving face

    i feel all intense and rushing aroudn in my head and stuff

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 12:18am

  470. 470: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    MAry – disappointed in what?

    him?

    I would feel blamed and triggered to feeling angry

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 12:19am

  471. 471: maryNo Gravatar says:

    when i first learned about expressing feelings, my husband had some speakers in the back of our truck. the speakers were expensive JBLs, and we didn’t have a lot of money. i have super-sonic ears and most speakers let off a high frequency that gives me headaches, so these speakers were special because the salesman turned off all the others in the store so i could see if they had a high frequency. they didn’t!

    so…

    i said, “i’m worried about those speakers rolling around in the back of the truck and getting damaged.”

    my first feeling statement. with intent.

    my husband looked at me in surprise.

    and drove on.

    for about a mile. then he stopped, turned around, went back home and unloaded them.

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 12:20am

  472. 472: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    I don’t want to see people treating themselves poorly, either. I feel glad that the women on this blog are NOT treating themselves poorly.

    I feel mystified. It’s like, oh no! That woman is wearing ocean breeze nail polish! She is treating herself poorly! Doesn’t she know that it is not good for her to wear that shade of nail polish! Oh my gosh, that poor thing! I feel so frustrated! She is not wearing the color nail polish that *I* like, that *I* think she should wear! And *I* KNOW what colors are good and bad to wear!

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 12:20am

  473. 473: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Mary,

    That’s really deep about saving face! Wow, heavy, deep stuff! That right there explains why shaming, making him wrong, blaming him doesn’t work. He can’t save face. Good principle for parenting, too.

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 12:22am

  474. 474: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    ok. dear feelings… i feel my head spinning and hot… i lov emy spinning , hot feeling head

    i feel a mad rush to keep searching searching for the post where rori adressed why its not in our best interest to date a man who’s dating multiple women, even though its in OUr best interest to date many men

    maybe it was adressed in a comment and not a post

    i feel pressure above my eyes and tingliness and numby pressure in my cheekbones

    i love the pressure above my eyes and the tingliness and numby pressure in my cheekbones

    whatsup with when someone shares certain feelings with me, one of my voices to reactis “I don’t care”

    is that a defense… sounds like a defense to me ….

    hmmmm

    is it because im a woman?

    if they’re saying a feeling… and then what

    i feel blamed by a feeling?

    grr

    i feel slumpy now

    i love my slumpy feeling

    is it cuz its not a basic non actiony feelng?

    i love my feeling confused

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 12:23am

  475. 475: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Lucy,

    You should know it says in the Bible blue nail polish is out. ;-)

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 12:26am

  476. 476: maryNo Gravatar says:

    and i taught my kids to use feeling statements.

    it’s really the cleanest form of communication. and doesn’t have to be delivered with a lot of drama.

    i don’t know…

    i think i’m in agreement with you about talking about feelings.

    and yes!

    i can see you as a very refined person stuffing her feelings in public and being “nice.” and knowing exactly how to pull it off.

    i don’t view you as a volcano erupting all over the place. you’re just too intelligent.

    instead, i view you as a person who has learned something better… not to stuff the way you’re feeling. not to have to be “nice.” not to have to always please others.

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 12:26am

  477. 477: SweetpeaNo Gravatar says:

    Brenda – is it ok on your toes?

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 12:27am

  478. 478: maryNo Gravatar says:

    but…

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 12:27am

  479. 479: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Here’s what I was doing with the “i understand him” part:

    “We were all raised to not RECOGNIZE bad treatment. To make excuses for it.”

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 12:29am

  480. 480: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    I wouldn’t feel good leaning forward and asking a guy if he wants to pay for my tacos….

    And then getting mad when he answered no.

    “Take no for an answer.”

    Why would I, a Siren, ASK a man if he wants to buy me tacos?

    I would stand there looking pretty in the awkward silence, just like Rori talks about in her Modern Siren CD’s, not asking him to buy me tacos, but expressing my feeling-hungry feelings, smiling mischievously…. and then he would buy me tacos and maybe the whole world.

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 12:29am

  481. 481: maryNo Gravatar says:

    i feel that i’m very authentic with people, too.

    when something is really bugging me, i might take someone aside and have a talk about it. if i do that, i ALWAYS talk about my feelings first. it sets the stage. it is the stage. and it is a way to share my struggle with them.

    i just don’t feel a huge connection on a first date to a guy who doesn’t want to pay for my dinner. let him figure things out for himself! i’m not going out with him to teach him manners. i’m expecting him to have manners. if he doesn’t, i just get turned off.

    aren’t we really talking about the same thing?

    okay if you’re triggered.

    i just don’t completely understand why.

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 12:30am

  482. 482: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    mary I felt good! then i felt AACK bad angry

    “i don’t view you as a volcano erupting all over the place. you’re just too intelligent.”

    about teh you’re just too intelligent

    i feel triggered that this has to do with intelligence

    I wANT TO ERUPT all over the place

    I don’t want to be too intelligent

    whooa i feel TRIGGERED!

    i’m too intelligent to not stuff???

    whoa I FELE TRIGGEREd

    i lvoe you tirgger

    i feel defensive

    i am not too intelligent to express my feelings.

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 12:32am

  483. 483: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    whoa what a crazy trigger 0 i am getting flashes of pictures of people saying stuff like that to me

    and my godsister CERTAINLY not stuffing and i feel defensive and

    omgosh

    i feel triggered!!

    yahh

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 12:32am

  484. 484: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Mary – i’m triggered because of a Daria trigger.

    to people trying to make me feel better that i stuffed instead of expressed in the moment. by saying ohh its cuz you’re too smart to do that -

    a man said this to me

    i don’t want to feel praised for stuffing…

    i would feel better to be praised for not stuffing because my goal IS to not stuff

    so would i be less intelligent then – ??? I FEEL DEFENSIVE that is my trigger

    ohh…

    ok about the taco man -

    the thing is, the rest of our date felt nice, and i did feel good!

    its AFTer the date now that I’m still feeling triggered and distant over the tacos!

    and I DID talk to him etc etc

    I am feeling uncomfortable tho

    maybe i overfunctioned cuz i teased him at the end about next time you can get me tacos, and he smiled but it looked a lil like an uneasy smile

    hmmm

    ok yes, that was a ‘teasing’ a man instead of saying im still feeling uncomfortable – like from teh passive agressive thread

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 12:36am

  485. 485: maryNo Gravatar says:

    ha!

    i wish i could feel triggered like you!

    i just don’t FEEL it.

    i’ve been trying for years.

    but there have been sometimes… very few and far between, when i’ve actually SCREAMED.

    oh!

    and just lost it.

    it’s probably something to practice… i’m not exactly sure what to keep and what to throw away right now. i’m trying things on for size.

    even circular dating.

    i’m testing it out.

    i think it’s working!

    we’ll see.

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 12:36am

  486. 486: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    “We were all raised to not RECOGNIZE bad treatment. To make excuses for it.”

    Clearly that is a generalization — SOME of us were either raised to recognize bad treatment, learned on our own to recognize it, or always recognized it in our gut.

    That’s why it is not helpful to assume that everyone is in the same place regarding dealing with bad treatment.

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 12:40am

  487. 487: maryNo Gravatar says:

    well,

    let’s just go back for a minute.

    you said something about not being a volcano, and i immediately was able to see you – like me – in a yesterday time of your life, when you might have been stuffing it, using your intelligence to have a refined appearance.

    but you’ve LEARNED to feel your feelings.

    and express them.

    and that’s cool.

    and i’m still learning that.

    i’m older, though! it’ll probably take me more time because i’m very, very practiced at not feeling my feelings.

    and looking cool.

    and not even feeling my feelings when they’re not okay.

    i’m working on that stuff.

    and hey!

    i feel MAD that you’re impatient with those of us who are not such fast learners.

    yes! i feel mad about that.

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 12:41am

  488. 488: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Mary – hmmm I just put a UMPH on it…

    I feel that feeling?? then I can feel it MORE!! its in there!!

    YUM

    I feel sad reading that you dont’ feel it. I promise you can FEEL IT. I remember not feeling it too!

    ouchie…

    Mary have you talked to your Inner Drama Queen?

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 12:43am

  489. 489: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    I’m mad that you think it’s cool to decide that “you’re not fast learners”

    who said you get to decide “you’re not fast learners”

    what if decided “i’m not a fast learner!”

    how would you feel about that?

    I FEEL LIKE
    !
    BULL&&&&

    what i meant by the volcano is that Im expressing my inner drama queen right now, so expect uncensored stuff

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 12:45am

  490. 490: maryNo Gravatar says:

    daria,

    you know what?

    i also feel fearful that you’re getting bored and feeling impatient and maybe you’ll just leave.

    alias girl left.

    mercedes left.

    nikita left (hello again!)

    and Rori rarely talks to anyone unless they’re just logging on.

    are you gonna leave us, daria? you’re a good connection because of your understanding of how all of this works.

    but!

    it isn’t a formula.

    there aren’t really rules.

    and most of it is subject for discussion.

    i love discussing this stuff. that’s why i’m on this blog. i find it all really fascinating. everyone’s stories! their take on my stories!

    and it makes me feel less alone.

    i have girlfriends, but most of them stay at home and watch TV at night. it’s like they’re living vicariously. i like getting out there and really living myself.

    and i want to learn to express my feelings.

    but first i have to get in touch with them.

    that’s the hard part.

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 12:46am

  491. 491: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Daria,

    I feel ignored. I don’t like to feel ignored when I share myself with people. How do you feel about that?

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 12:49am

  492. 492: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    I’m wearing it on my toenails right now. I love it. It feels like a mermaid color. My oncologist, who is very fashionable and looks like a model, loved it when she saw it on my toes. So did her assistant. My daughter doesn’t like it.

    I do what I want. I do what feels good to me. I do what feels healthy for me. I do what feels loving toward myself. I trust my intuition. I trust God. I follow my feelings. I follow my joy. Sometimes I wear ocean breeze nail polish. I never drive drunk since that one time I did in college and felt so grateful that I didn’t kill anyone. Sometimes I hang out at a man’s apartment on a first date. Sometimes I see a man the way God sees him and love him because of it.

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 12:50am

  493. 493: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Sweetpea,

    I feel shocked, angered, and disgusted that you would even IMPLY ocean blue nail polish could be used on your toes! I don’t like blue nail polish! You should have known that! I like purple nail polish only. I feel glad when everyone wears purple nail polish only. How do you feel about that?

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 12:51am

  494. 494: maryNo Gravatar says:

    hey.

    i’m a fast learner.

    but.

    i lost the CDs. they’re somewhere in storage.

    yes, i did that talking with my inner drama queen when i was listening to it the first time.

    i’ll find the CDs; they’re around somewhere.

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 12:53am

  495. 495: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Lucy,

    I feel shocked, angered, and disgusted that you would even IMPLY ocean breeze nail polish could be used on your toes! I don’t like ocean breeze nail polish! You should have known that! I like purple nail polish only. I feel glad when everyone wears purple nail polish only. How do you feel about that?

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 12:53am

  496. 496: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    aww mary! I feel so much love for you right now.

    mm yes I thought about it.

    but I don’t want to leave right now.

    I also don’t want to get bogged down with negativity and non-toolyness

    like… i want to support myself with people dedicated and committed to using the tools and doing yummy stuff in their life

    it feels draining to read about not using the tools, and sometimes it feels like it overwhelms the voices that ARE using the tools

    Mary at first, I felt drained by your posts too, but for awhile now I feel mostly very uplifted and delighted by them. there are still moments of “oh no!!” but they are few, and I feel safe reading you

    you know, like we say, getting triggered is good for my healing…

    so i can cotinue using the blog as a Floating Journal -

    whats the message for me feeling like i’m being sunk?

    this is all about ME

    and probably getting into some deep old stuff

    yum (it felt scary to say yum right then)

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 12:54am

  497. 497: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Brenda, I don’t feel good reading your post about my nail polish. I’m not going to read your posts now.

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 12:54am

  498. 498: maryNo Gravatar says:

    and then i’ll be an expert.

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 12:55am

  499. 499: maryNo Gravatar says:

    and i’ll be getting triggered by you!

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 12:57am

  500. 500: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Mary – I had a flash!

    you know what ! I got in touch with my feelings thru riffing!! the in the body one!

    have you done that? omgosh that is like the FASTEST way to really get in my body (at first i could only feel feelings in my FACE… i couldn’t identify them in my body)

    its the one in teh power and self esteem tools

    its this one!

    just keep doing this over and over on blog!

    http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/targeting-mr-right/power-self-esteem/love-the-sensations-in-your-body/

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 12:59am

  501. 501: maryNo Gravatar says:

    well…

    i have to say this.

    the pain is just GONE.

    a lot of it left with R.

    then there was this weird obsession with Island Man. Intermittent Man. and Rori talked about that on one of her videos.

    and now the rest of the pain just left.

    with Island Man.

    poof. it’s gone!

    i feel SO FREE of pain. and longing. and needing to be two instead of one. and wanting a man. and needing a man.

    i feel FREE TO JUST LIVE and love my life.

    and enjoy whatever man is before me.

    oh, i hope this lasts.

    i’m not sure how it happened or why!

    but more, please.

    !!

    yes, stay with us daria.

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 1:00am

  502. 502: maryNo Gravatar says:

    okay, thanks. i’ll try it.

    you walked me through a little of it one night, a long time ago. and that helped a lot.

    thanks.

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 1:01am

  503. 503: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Daria, I truly feel mystified that you see other people’s “negativity and non-toolyness” but you don’t see your own.

    Lots of times you seem to see non-toolyness in people when it is not actually there. It just looks different than you expect it to look.

    I honestly feel concerned about this.

    I wish you would take seriously what Rori wrote to you the other day about recognizing your own triggers on here instead of focusing on what you disapprove of in other women’s behavior. I thought that what she wrote to you was really good and helpful, and I felt hopeful that you would take it to heart. I feel disappointed.

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 1:01am

  504. 504: maryNo Gravatar says:

    hmmmm…

    i read that post and couldn’t get into it.

    yeah.

    okay. i’ll try again.

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 1:05am

  505. 505: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Lucy,

    No, no, no! I was totally joking about the nail polish! Dry humor! Sarcasm! Nasty cousin of anger!

    I hoped you’d feel the humor in it after all our discussion bout acceptance!

    I love your nail polish! Seriously, what you wrote in that post with the nail polish was stunningly beautiful!

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 1:07am

  506. 506: maryNo Gravatar says:

    Brenda,

    i thought it was silly and funny.

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 1:09am

  507. 507: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    I feel sad about how Lucy is being treated. I don’t feel support for her on here tonight. I don’t like how harmony has gone bye-bye tonight. How do you feel about that?

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 1:13am

  508. 508: maryNo Gravatar says:

    i feel happy to be me right now.

    feeling happy to be me feels like relaxed!

    i love feeling relaxed!

    i want to feel relaxed all the time.

    feeling relaxed feels like smiling!

    and yawning.

    and making plans for tomorrow and thinking tomorrow is gonna have new adventures that i’ll love.

    i feel deep breathing and sighs.

    and i can’t wait to hug my family again. my beautiful daughters! i want to hug them right now.

    soon i will.

    i feel happy about that.

    i feel happy being me right now.

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 1:14am

  509. 509: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks, Mary and Brenda. :)

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 1:17am

  510. 510: maryNo Gravatar says:

    mmmmmmmm…

    and now, so sleepy!

    oh!

    sirens.

    i’m sleepy and it’s only 1:16 am.

    something is happening and it’s good.

    good night!

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 1:17am

  511. 511: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Goodnight Mary!

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 1:19am

  512. 512: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Lucy,

    I feel ignored. I don’t like to feel ignored when I’m sharing my heart and soul about ocean breeze nail polish. How do you feel about that?

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 1:19am

  513. 513: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Mary, noooo, it’s 4:20 am! I stayed up aaaalll night to fulfill my Siren Island Education. I’ll call off work tomorrow cuz I’ll be too tired.

    I hope I performed well enuff this time around in learning my Siren Skills.

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 1:21am

  514. 514: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Brenda, people just do what they have to do.

    I feel understanding and compassionate.

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 1:21am

  515. 515: maryNo Gravatar says:

    good night Lucy.

    i liked what you said in 487. about seeing a man how God sees him. i feel happy about that.

    oh!

    the most handsome man contacted me on POF tonight. and he wrote me the most newsy email and complimented me.

    i feel very happy about that, too.

    i want to see him as God sees him.

    and not obsess about him.

    oh!

    deliver me from obsession.

    i want to never see its face again.

    no saving face for obsession!

    it has to GO!

    and so do i! i have to go to bed!

    oh, i’m so thankful to be sleepy. something new. something different. something normal. and in only a few moments i can say hello, morning!

    no long night for me tonight.

    i don’t need a man.

    i’m happy all by myself.

    cool.

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 1:21am

  516. 516: maryNo Gravatar says:

    good night Brenda.

    good night Daria.

    good night moon.

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 1:23am

  517. 517: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Lucy – I feel annoyed by all this defense. Rori has told you before this was an imaginary relationship.

    The man is treating you like shit. Face up to it.

    I know when a man is treating me not good enough – like not buying me tacos.

    Let alone not coming to see me after months of talking and then getting with another woman calling her a girlfriend and inviting me to a 3 some with her.

    this guy SUCKS! he may have been awesome before. BUt he SUCKS now.

    What to answer him?

    What do you feel? not “oh what did you mean about what im processing?”

    something like the TRUTH MAYBE? like a non-roriesque

    f u u jerk!

    or

    hey i felt really awful actually

    or

    this felt horrible and now i feel myself wnating to cover that feeling and make it ok…

    and i, or daria, feels gross and like throwing up that you’re ASKING ME when this CLEARLY is NOT ACCEPTABLE BEHAVIOR

    Brenda- paying for stuff and sending men money is not a Rori recommended plan of romantic relationship and Ryan was toxic.

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 1:24am

  518. 518: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    ufff

    how do i feel now? weird. on guard.

    ok.. ist this what Rori talks about? that when we jump in and speak in a way that is agressive it will create more tightening up ?

    hmmm

    yeah i feel detached from my previous words. like hitting a ball with a bat.

    how am i really feeling.

    defensive.

    angry.

    afraid.

    haha

    i feel embarassed to feel afraid.

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 1:26am

  519. 519: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Mary, thinking about seeing people how God sees them feels really good right now!

    I feel a sense of peace as a result of your appreciating that thought.

    I feel comforted and ready to sleep.

    Thanks for your support Brenda.

    Goodnight everyone.

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 1:27am

  520. 520: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Daria, I feel irritated that you *think* I am displaying “defense.” You are wrong, plain and simple.

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 1:29am

  521. 521: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    I feel hugely sarcastic! I love my sarcasm! I love it so much I think I will just continue embracing it!

    LOL! Eh-eh! That’s my evil, criminal laff!

    Daria, may I please have permission to go to bed now? I feel tired. I know I haven’t read all 2,364,597,255,167 posts yet this morning, but I….

    I’m sorry, I’ll keep reading.

    Bad Bren! Sarcastic Bren! Naughty Bren! Feeling mischievous Bren! I love my sarcastic naughty mischievousness! I love the anger from which it’s springing.

    Why do I feel angry? I feel angry because I feel ignored and misunderstood. I feel Daria’s anger thru her ignoring me. I feel angry because I feel injustice in how Lucy is being treated. I feel judgment and criticism in how Lucy is being treated.

    I feel like slicing ribbons with my sarcastic tongue. I feel empowered by my sarcasm. I feel the humor of mischief with my sarcasm.

    I know sarcasm is anger-based.
    I know anger is pain-based.
    Why do I feel pain?
    Because most of my life, I have felt misunderstood, judged, condemned, and treated unjustly.
    I love my feelings of anger, pain, misunderstanding, ignorance, judgment, condemnation, and injustice.
    I love Daria, too, even tho I feel angry at her right now.

    I feel silly writing this because I feel stupid setting myself up for more pain.
    I love my silliness and stupidity. LOL!
    It would feel far easier to just stick tight with the delicious sarcasm right now!
    Sarcasm slips smoothly over my tongue like Ruby Tuesday’s berry cheesecake!

    YUM! LOL!

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 1:29am

  522. 522: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    He is not the one who is treating me like shit — YOU are treating me like shit. And the only reason I am tolerating it is because feeling the crap you make me feel allows me to heal triggers from people in my past who have treated me like crap.

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 1:31am

  523. 523: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    “I know when a man is treating me not good enough – like not buying me tacos.”

    I call bullshit on that one. You f*ckin leaned forward and ASKED the guy to buy you tacos. And you didn’t take no for an answer, like Rori says to.

    Face up to it, daria, you are pushing these men away by being leaning forward all over them and demanding they bow to your every whim and fancy.

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 1:34am

  524. 524: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Here is a Brenda Tool for us all…it’s called an analogy…

    when I moved into my apartment at the end of January, I had a serious injury in my Sacroiliac (S-I) joint, and I was seeing a chiropractor twice a week.

    My friends helped me move in, and then I was on my own with my complete living area piled 5-6 feet high with boxes, and only an aisle to get thru.

    It has looked cluttered ever since, cuz I’ve been in too much pain and too lonely to stick around long enuff to fully unpack.

    At first, my landlady thot I was a slob. I finally got thru to her, thru feeling messages, that I honestly had an injury and felt overwhelmed with my house tasks.

    Now 4.5 months later, she sees me as I really am, and we are getting along fabulously while my apartment is really taking shape (except for my paperwork).

    All that to say sometimes when someone doesn’t know the full story about another person, or about a relationship, everything looks plainly one way. But when you have all the facts, Jack, you see it as it really is, with all its facets.

    My alarm clock is going to go off in less than an hour. I’m calling off.

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 1:40am

  525. 525: SweetpeaNo Gravatar says:

    Ok$ I’m done stuffing. I’ve been reading all this tonight feeling anger & stuffing it down. I feel angry. I feel annoyed. I feel frustrated. I feel irritated. I feel judged. I feel judgment. I feel like I’m back in high school!

    Rori says in this very post (please see above) that some people are resistant to CDing and she doesn’t push. I feel confident that she applies the not pushing. Other areas as well.

    I also feel confident that when I see someone not using the hammer correctly, beating them over the head with it will not teach them to use it correctly. Develop a little tolerance, Daria. I feel anger about the judgmental way people are being treated for their lack of perfection lately. I’m developing a headache from watching them getting beat half to death with the very tools they’re trying to learn to use.

    This is supposed to be a safe place. It feels very unsafe to me right now. I feel very, very angry!

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 1:44am

  526. 526: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Hmm Lucy and Brenda are talking shit about me. How do i feel ? mm unsafe.

    I feel superior. and also afraid.

    I feel like attacking.. hey maybe i should attack… whats my inner drama queen saying?

    eff them beezies… theyre the main ones on here who dont get it and drown everyone else

    no wonder the men they’re obsessed with are treating them badly

    ok then so what . maybe stop reading their posts permanently?

    is that something i have done before?

    or is that something new

    i feel unsure.

    i think i’ve done that in real life with people

    ok

    so what do i do thats new then

    i feel hella unsafe and triggered

    to elementary school

    wow!

    surprise!

    where people talk shit because you know the answers in class – and they don’t! but they still talk shit and i’m all alone and it doesn’t look like it will change soon

    ok what are OLD responses to this

    attack

    ignore

    ok … out of those i think attack feels better than ignore…

    tho ignore i use more often than attack

    so what ELSE can i do?

    what is that NEW behavior that I’m supposed to do now

    hmm i feel so triggerd to foggyheadedness

    FEel feelings: i feel pinching on top of my lip, tightening at the sides

    ohh i want to do that Alanna /Levenson thingy – I INTEND to heal the trigger of this now all the way back to elementary school and beyond if there was

    mmm

    just that feels realxing

    i fele relaxed now

    my tummy feels tightned up in my midriff

    and my ears feel pressured and tingly

    my arms feel a lil heavy

    i love my feelings

    this is like flight or flight thingy

    adrenaline up, on alert, but also frozen

    grrr

    why does it have to be numb like im gonna get torn

    i feel like a hunter behind the tree

    mmm

    it feels like i got a shaky hotness that when up thru me and gave me goosebumps and now a yawn

    wow this energy IS clearing

    awesome

    hey i might be able to go back and edit some …. okkkk

    numbness

    dont do that when they’re talking shit about you

    you’re too nice

    you want to practice not being nice remember

    yes and i also want them to not get scared off and stop hearing anything

    more numbness

    ok

    what are the feelingsL

    squeezies in my liver and upper lip, feeling tightin my midriff..

    i love my feelings

    more yawning

    i INTEND to heal this, evne though i dont know whta it is from

    mmmm

    hotness in the top of my head and a lil smile

    ohh i dont want to hurt you lucy and brenda, and i dont like to be made fun of

    ouch more squeezies

    are they saying that i like things one way my way and then i get bossy for people to do it that way -

    yes trigger from elementary school again “bossy – does not play well with others”

    hmm ok i feel strong squeezing

    I INTEND TO HEAL THIS all the way back to elementary school and beyond, along with teh defense racist covers of judging people i made to deal with the feelings

    i feel strong squeezing’

    ok

    squeezing in my forehead going up

    and another chill is making its way crawling up and raising my arm bumps and im yawning

    and again all thru my legs now

    i love my remaining cheek squeezing and liver squeezing

    and im yawning again

    mmm goosebumps

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 1:45am

  527. 527: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you for the analogy, Brenda. It feels good to read that. I feel good around non-judging people who don’t judge because they are conscious and aware that they don’t have all the information they would need to make a right judgment.

    I feel better around non-judging people who also happen to be curious about 3somes than I do around judgmental people.

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 1:45am

  528. 528: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Let me share another analogy…

    Once I pottied my dogs at my Mom’s retirement community. i saw two old ladies pulling back the curtain watching me. I could tell by the look on their faces that they were going to report me. I turned to my car to get a plastic bag to clean up the poop. They never saw that. They never saw me picking it up. They only stayed long enuff to see them poop and then ran to report me to the manager.

    Just because that’s all they saw, does that mean I was irresponsible? Just because the manager reprimanded me, does that mean I was irresponsible?

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 1:47am

  529. 529: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Um, Daria, “I feel like attacking.. hey maybe i should attack” — that’s exactly what you’ve been doing all night — attacking!

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 1:48am

  530. 530: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    “Hmm Lucy and Brenda are talking shit about me. How do i feel ? mm unsafe.”

    Daria, can’t you see that you have been talking shit about ME? I feel so baffled!

    I do not feel unsafe, though. I feel confident that I can process all the shit you throw at me and use it for fertilizer.

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 1:50am

  531. 531: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Daria, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE reread the post Rori wrote to you recently! It was really good and helpful! It will help you get this!!!!!

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 1:52am

  532. 532: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Oh, it feels GREAT to read that you are processing your own triggers! Yay! I feel so relieved!!! That’s what Rori was talking about! Oh, that feels so much better! I feel happy that you are getting it, Daria.

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 1:57am

  533. 533: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    That is the “something new.” Instead of attacking or ignoring. That feels good.

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 1:58am

  534. 534: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Sweetpea, are you still there? How are you doing? Doing alright?

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 1:59am

  535. 535: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    I feel so deliciously tired! I feel like going skinny dipping mermaid-style in daylight…which it now is becoming! The sun is about to dip over the Atlantic Ocean while all you California valley girls are going nite-nite.

    I love you all even tho none of us are perfect.
    I love bears, too! Ocean breeze bears, gummi bears, purple bears, fat bears, skinny bears, tall bears, all kinds of bears! I love bears cuz they’re cute, cuddly, soft, and friendly!

    Let’s all be teddy bears! Grrrrroweell!

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 2:00am

  536. 536: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    The galaxies are so huge! Feel my space getting bigger, bigger, bigger, floating up thru the atmosphere! I am holding a red tulip, and it is guiding me up, up, up, towards the huge, blazing sun, beyond the atmosphere!

    I look down below and there are the heart-shaped clouds covering the earth. Below that, I see the brown, brown oceans, filled with gooey oil. I mean, I see the blue, blue oceans, filled with salty, floaty water and killer sharks, I mean, cute little seahorses and mermaids.

    Bigger, bigger, bigger, I look up ahead and my tulip-guide is leading me to…the moon??…no, that is too big to be the moon! To a star??? Yes, it’s a star! A beautiful, brilliant star, waiting for me to go to bed on it.

    Good night, Siren Sisters! I love you even tho I’m not perfect and you’re not perfect! Sweet dreams and fantasies!

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 2:05am

  537. 537: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    hmm… more rocks…

    ok MORE triggers of like cliques and stuff

    this may be me who triggered these triggered voices with the volcano… everyones inner drama queen is coming out…

    it feels a lil unsafe for sure… hmmm

    sorry everyone/anyone who’s listening – I threw out this voice and its getting mirrored back to me, and it
    DOESN’T feel good, hmmm

    even tho it says helpful stuff

    like that i leaned forward asking him does he want to pay for my tacos!

    hmm yes! i could have said… hey i feel uncomfortable… i dont like paying for stuff on dates… what do you think?

    i mean that would have been equal to do you want to pay for tacos (equal in danger of getting inot it and being left) but more laid back

    and i do often feel triggered to think that i expect them to fulfill my every whim – inner drama queen says – I DO! i feel smily about feeling excited about that

    ohh i feel some shoulder dread

    i feel sad

    i feel pouty

    I INTEND to learn to use my compassionate voice to tell the truth, not just my tell it how it is “aggro” voice

    because I feel good learning stuff in a compassionate way

    I feel afraid! I feel afraid my compassionate voice is not strong enough (for what? to control people ? to make me HEARD loud enough that i’m feeling bad and I DONT LIK EIT?)

    mmm

    so say i read:

    post that makes me feel bad

    i say: ohh reading this post makes me feel really bad

    poster: ohh why

    me: i would feel horrible in such and such situation

    poster: oh but no its ok defense

    me: ohh this feels bad

    ouch i feel tightening around the back of my liver

    i feel heavy heavy cheeks

    I INTEND to heal this, even though i don’t know wher it comes from!

    here comes the kundalini again… i can feel it bristling my arms and legs lightly this time

    heating up my shoulder mm squeezing my live and tingling up my arms legs

    and a light yawn

    flash thought
    what if i turn into Erika awakening?

    haha

    ohmygosh

    all this insensitive stuff

    im feeling smily now

    thank you everyone for helping me process

    dont know how to share this healing with you

    I INTEND to open this healing to you!

    that feels scary!

    and good

    yum!

    omgosh

    havent done some big transfomring like this in a while

    yawn

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 2:05am

  538. 538: SweetpeaNo Gravatar says:

    Lucy, no. I’m not alright. I feel very unsafe right now. I feel all of the things I posted in #520 about ten times more. I come here to try to learn & I get some great suggestions, but the rest of this just sucks! I feel nauseous. I feel so freakin’ mad! O want to forget all the feeling messages & just blast someone with what I really think. Although I have to say I think my last comment covers it pretty well & I did stick to feeling messages. To the best of my ability anyway!

    Thanks for asking.

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 2:09am

  539. 539: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    wanted to add to my post – i felt a big change in my energy as i was feeling those goosebumps and heat and stuff – energy clearing! I feel really good and peaceful now!

    I want to share that so you know where im at, I really want to share what i was experiencing!

    I feel grateful for using the volcano and all the triggering and triggering me and everything – all these past memories came up in my body and the kundalini heat came up and melted them out

    i feel blissful now!

    wow magic

    is that visible in my post?

    VISIBILI!!!

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 2:10am

  540. 540: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    I feel interested and amused that you mentioned Erika. I have been thinking and feeling that I feel like Erika on here tonight. Having a different and unaccepted viewpoint.

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 2:13am

  541. 541: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Daria, I would feel happy and grateful to hear your compassionate voice. I feel confident that you would be heard that way. I feel certain that NO voice of yours or anyone else’s will be strong enough to *control* people — that’s not what this is about. I would feel good seeing you give up wanting to control people.

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 2:16am

  542. 542: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    When you feel bad reading someone’s post, the idea is to not try to “fix” what you think that person is doing “wrong” — but for you to discover why YOU are feeling bad and triggered. The feeling bad trigger is meant to change YOU — not the other person. It’s like with our dates — mirrors and messages.

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 2:19am

  543. 543: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Sweetpea, I felt really good about what you wrote — especially about the hammer and stuff. I feel the same way.

    I feel confident that things will get better, that people will do what they need to do to work through this stuff and learn better ways to relate.

    I feel bad that you are feeling bad. :(

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 2:22am

  544. 544: TinaNo Gravatar says:

    I feel fcken furious I cant have space and a man who respects my space. I want love *sniffle. I feel seething anger boiling up , I want to smash something again. I feel furious , i have to control him, I dont want to feel triggered anymore. Triggers suck! I love my feelings of sucky triggers , I feel sad about my triggers and how i affect others, how else can i heal this shit blah. I dont wnat to stuff my feelings anymore, my feelings cant be stuffed, I wont do it!

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 4:23am

  545. 545: TinaNo Gravatar says:

    I feel a twinge of pain in my left fallopian tube :)

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 4:25am

  546. 546: TinaNo Gravatar says:

    I feel like im being steam rolled. no you dont get to feel angry, I’ll take everything away from you. I hate you steam roller. flatten me like a pancake!. hey theres a steam roller Tina get out of the way! stupid! ouch that hurts, the steam roller flattened me out.

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 4:32am

  547. 547: TinaNo Gravatar says:

    I will not respond to his email, i left my keys at his house blah. I will ignore his email. I have decided that is what i will do.

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 4:41am

  548. 548: TinaNo Gravatar says:

    Is that a stance position? I think Rori would say yes. What would Rori say? hm…

    My boy energy isnt helping matters much. Girl what the hell! Im not a personal mental punching bag! no! my girl is pissed off, my girl is feeling mad as hell. My girl is going to “do” something to make me feel better, oh there is three of us lol . no no no, my boy rahter than just stand there is going to do someting for my girl ah that feels better , feels fun and exciting to girl yah how do you spell yah? as in yippee yah? fck it who cares…

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 4:56am

  549. 549: TinaNo Gravatar says:

    how much junk do i need to have a yard sale :) , i want to serve coffee at my yard sale :)

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 5:02am

  550. 550: TinaNo Gravatar says:

    I feel manipulated, I feel ooooh theres that word again EXPLOITED. My feminine girly energy feels manipulated and exploited hehe. oh no you dont! I dont want, I dont want, i dont want to feel manipulated, by angry WHO. I have no defensive against angry WHOS.

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 5:50am

  551. 551: TinaNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you for respecting my space, I feel appreciative.

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 6:11am

  552. 552: TinaNo Gravatar says:

    I feel sad, furious, mixed up. The price tag for love is compassion, Compassion is FREE!

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 6:23am

  553. 553: Simply ShannonNo Gravatar says:

    Phew! So many posts last night. I feel overwhelmed. I feel good letting ya’ll hash it out. I skimmed so I haven’t read every word.

    Daria: I laughed my butt off at post 422. Yes, that is pretty much how I would feel being asked “how am I processing all this”… assuming that by “all this” a man means “I’ve got a girlfriend. I want to have a threesome with the two of you. I haven’t even asked her if she’s into it. It’s all imaginary.” <– That thing… then yeah, *I* would be saying what you said in 422. Or total silence. Sometimes it just does not pay to encourage more discussion.

    Lucy: I apologize to you for my advice giving in the past. Everything I’ve written here is MY interpretation of the words you’ve written and consequently how *I* would react. I don’t expect anyone to react that way but it is how I would react. I feel worried that you feel attacked. That’s not my intent. I don’t want to feel aggressive, but I don’t want to tiptoe either. I liked reading post 423. “I trust that in time you will see it for yourself and I don’t need to point it out to you — you are doing the best you can, baby steps — and I am not going to judge or criticize you or feel frustrated or exasperated with your process — because I trust the process and I know that we all have blind spots and don’t see”.

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 9:25am

  554. 554: TinaNo Gravatar says:

    AmyF, what happened , Im curious, i know your not still sitting in your room waiting for his call :)

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 9:29am

  555. 555: Simply ShannonNo Gravatar says:

    I’m feeling strong after my interchange with Mr. Masculine Man.

    I clicked on Rori’s blog directory and was reading through all of the categories. One of them is called “Dating”. There’s several in there about circular dating.

    My thoughts/feelings on not being exclusive and why we can date others and he can’t, it’s simply that he is spending his energy with someone else and that feels bad. It’s not about what’s fair. I don’t give a crap about “fair”. I want to have my cake and eat it too.

    I don’t want to be stuck at home waiting for him and will therefore be accepting dates from others. At the same time, it feels bad when I find out he’s going out with other women. I don’t want him spending time with another woman EVEN IF I’m on a date with another man. That’s my truth! I don’t care if that sounds selfish or not.

    And yes he might feel bad when I’m going out on a date with another man but that’s NOT MY BUSINESS. I’m not taking care of his feelings. That’s HIS job.

    The best way for a guy to get me “exclusively” is to be coming at me full force and asking me out a lot. It’s easy if I think about it that way. A man can bump off the other guys in my rotation by asking me out continuously. Then I get to choose who I spend my time with. AND, he’ll feel honored and respected because I’m choosing to spend my time with him.

    If I’m sitting around waiting on him to ask me out, then I feel miserable and antsy and that bleeds over into my dates with him. So in a way, he should thank me for going out with other guys. Haha! That would be eating my cake and wanting ice cream too! LOLOLOLOL!!

    BTW, I am saving this post for myself because I know I’ll forget why circular dating is good for the goose but not for the gander.

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 9:33am

  556. 556: Simply ShannonNo Gravatar says:

    Tina: What does compassion look like to you? Did I miss a post from you saying what happened? Ack. I feel nosy even asking that question. It sounds like you’re processing through things. I’ll just sit here and listen. What do you think?

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 9:36am

  557. 557: Simply ShannonNo Gravatar says:

    I feel amused with myself. I truly do want to have my cake and eat it too.

    I realized this morning that I feel sad and a little annoyed that Mr. Fab Kisser hasn’t even attempted to contact me while I’m on this Man Fast. (Yes, I know I’m breaking the fast by thinking about him. Eh. I’m not perfect.) I know I told him I wouldn’t respond to emails or letters or texts or calls… but still. :-)

    I feel angry that he’s not trying to stay on my radar. Yes he took me at my word but I still feel disappointed.

    LOL! I feel amused. I feel selfish and I don’t care!

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 9:55am

  558. 558: Simply ShannonNo Gravatar says:

    Haha! I’m contributing to the email /post overload.

    From Bob Grant’s email this morning…

    Let me show you how to put your heart first, and ahead of any man. To begin with I’ll give you a
    tip that will cause men to look at you differently – if you agree to try it for at least 3 weeks.

    Treat every guy the same.

    Be nice to the ugly guy and the overweight one. Listen to the one who you think is boring and
    bald. Oh I know, he might just ask you out, but that is a problem you want to have. You see there is
    no magic formula for only attracting the man you want. There is only the magic that attracts men.
    Those you want and those you don’t.
    You’ll end up turning down most of these invitations but
    something inside of you will begin to change.

    Practice treating all men the same, and I promise that the man/men you like will notice that you
    seem to have a content beauty that makes you stand out across a crowded room, even if you’re just
    wearing flip flops with your hair in a ponytail.

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 9:58am

  559. 559: SienaNo Gravatar says:

    Shannon, I JUST got that same email in my inbox. Feels really interesting! It’s the same thing that Rori says about CDing! CDing kind of forces me to treat every guy the same, because I don’t want to lead anyone on, and am a little afraid of the ‘no girlfriend’ speech.

    Genius!

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 10:02am

  560. 560: SienaNo Gravatar says:

    hmmm, I feel really confused about #1CD. I feel all tied up in my stomach (butterflies) about him, and feel afraid to move forward with him.

    I feel so good with him, and he’s stepping up big time. But he’s divorced with a couple of kids, with a bitter ex (although she broke up with him ).

    Do I want to walk in to that situation? It’s a very messy one. hmmm…

    He would take care of me the way I’ve always wanted to be cared for, I don’t have any doubts about that at all. And he’s totally smitten with me, and tells me about it, which feels really great. Our communication is amazing, as is the chemistry and connection.

    All really really good things.

    Except he made a family already with another woman. And she’ll always be there. I don’t know if I want to go through my life knowing that and dealing with her stuff too.

    I don’t know how to navigate this. The best way out of something is to never get into it… ugh!

    Help!

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 10:44am

  561. 561: SienaNo Gravatar says:

    …and I feel worried that the reason he’s coming on so strong to me is because he *knows* that he comes from a messy situation, and that stepping into it for me would be a risk, so he’s trying to convince me that he’s worth the risk.

    I don’t like that. I want him to come on strong because of the way he feels about me – not because of anything else.

    Deep breath. sigh.

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 10:51am

  562. 562: Simply ShannonNo Gravatar says:

    Siena: I feel interested in this one too. I feel amused at how I feel about this. On the one hand, I am the one with baggage. I have kids already. And yet when I’m dating, I waffle between wanting a man with kids and dreading dealing with extended families. I flip between thinking it’s weird meeting a guy my age who isn’t already married and has kids to thinking it might feel good to have an un-baggaged man in my life.

    At one point I considered not dating men who did not have children. I just wasn’t sure how the guy could relate to my life with kids. But then I said that’s just too much thinking. I don’t have a boundary on this either way. I feel open to exploring this option and seeing how I feel about it.

    Since you feel resistant, I’d feel curious to know what’s causing that. Is it the bad ex-wife? Does he talk bad about her? After my experience with Mr. Fab Kisser, I realize now that bad words against the ex generally mean the guy has some pretty deep rivers of anger boiling underneath.

    What does that feel?

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 10:57am

  563. 563: Simply ShannonNo Gravatar says:

    Siena: That’s an NV talking and making an assumption about what he’s thinking/doing.

    I choose to say he is coming on strong because of how he feels about me (and nothing else).

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 11:00am

  564. 564: SweetpeaNo Gravatar says:

    Simply Shannon,

    Re: 548 – “Everything I’ve written here is MY interpretation of the words you’ve written and consequently how *I* would react. I don’t expect anyone to react that way but it is how I would react. … I don’t want to feel aggressive, but I don’t want to tiptoe either.”

    I feel good about that. I respect your opinion and take your advice into consideration even when it’s not directed toward something I am/am not doing. I was feeling bad about something I posted a few days ago that triggered you, but you were careful to realize and state, “This isn’t directed at you, Sweetpea, it’s about me.” That makes all the difference to me. I feel understood by you. I feel you are non-judgmental toward me when I’m not perfect. I understand that it’s frustrating when you see something so clearly that I just don’t and I don’t want for you to not voice your opinion. I just feel grateful that you voice it in a soft way – that you accept and work through why it triggers you rather than feeling anger toward me. Sometimes it is just hard to tell if you don’t specify that it’s “not about you.”

    Thank you for your contributions here. I enjoy reading your posts. And when you say something I posted triggers you, it gives me the opportunity to work through that “uh oh” feeling myself.

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 11:24am

  565. 565: SweetpeaNo Gravatar says:

    I feel understanding toward everyone on here. I’ve been frustrated by people not using the tools when I know it would help them, but it is not my issue to deal with. I state my truth, I try to help and if I feel frustrated, I let myself feel the frustration. I feel it would be counter-productive to say “Oh I feel so frustrated because I know this tool, xyz that is right here, is not being used.” I feel scared of postings like that. I feel scared that when I’m not using the tool that’s right in front of my face because I don’t know it well enough to be comfortable with it and use it authentically – and THAT is what I get when I read Rori’s materials, including the threads here, that it’s as much about the vibe and being authentic when you use the tool as it is about just using the tool – that I’m going to be verbally beat over the head with the tool for not understanding how to use it correctly.
    People are resistant when they don’t understand the tools. Sometimes people are resistant just because they have other issues they need to work through before they can use that particular tool. Like Rori talks about here – “Some clients resist Circular Dating so much, and I sense their emotional fragility and I don’t push them, but instead try to ease them out of depression or into a better frame of mind.”
    THAT kind of thinking feels safe to me. Someone expressing anger toward me if I don’t want to CD does not feel safe to me. I feel safe expressing myself here when things are feminine and not feeling aggressive and annoyed. Some masculine energy feels fine. Aggressive, agitated energy feels bad to me. I don’t want to bring up aggressive agitated triggers in anyone. I feel unsure that I can avoid triggering those emotions. I don’t want to feel guilt for triggering those emotions. I don’t want to feel defensive for triggering those emotions. I don’t want to feel bad because I am new and not always capable of using Rori’s tools to the letter.
    It feels bad to me to think of Rori’s tools as rules that must be followed. Sometimes I feel I am in a different place than others on here. I am practicing feminine energy because although I don’t like rudeness, I’ve never had a problem stating my feelings in masculine energy – which is sometimes aggressive and rude. So not feeling nice is not as big an issue for me as it is for others. We are all in different stages of growth. This is a beautiful, safe island. I don’t want it to become something less than beautiful. I don’t want to see people leave because they feel unheard.

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 11:42am

  566. 566: SweetpeaNo Gravatar says:

    Siena – I agree with Shannon. Those NVs are telling you bad, not so flattering stuff about yourself. I want them to go to the corner and shut up.

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 11:47am

  567. 567: SweetpeaNo Gravatar says:

    Lucy,
    re: #538 – thank you! I still feel bad. I will work through it.

    I feel anger – such strong anger on here that seems to be spewed out on everyone. It feels like acid on my skin and I haven’t even been on the receiving end. I’m terrified of being on the receiving end. I hope you are right about it being worked through. I’m going to just take a step back for now and see what happens.

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 12:01pm

  568. 568: SienaNo Gravatar says:

    Shannon and Sweetpea, thanks for your response. Okay, I can shut the NVs up.

    Shannon, he doesn’t really speak badly about his ex. He definitely was hurt, and shares that with me. And he tells me stories about how things went down, and (although he doesn’t say this) she sounds like a total gold digger who hung on just long enough to get a good settlement in CA.

    And he’s still supporting her financially, which doesn’t feel good to me at all. He goes beyond child and spousal support, and I believe that he does it for his children… but she won’t work, won’t support herself, etc.

    I realize I’m hearing his side of the story… I totally get that… but it still feels icky.

    Even if he doesn’t have an emotional attachment to her, the fact that he still is sacrificing himself for her feels bad.

    I get it about the children – they deserve everything that he gives them. But not the ex. I have no respect for a woman who would throw a good man away and still take his money. Yucky!

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 12:06pm

  569. 569: dorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    woah i got to like comment 491 and i feel nauseous and don’t want to read any more of this.

    lucy
    brenda

    are you two B*TCHES seriously going on and on mocking daria using nailpolish?

    yall are some petty ass hoes.

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 12:09pm

  570. 570: dorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    what i meant to say is

    kindly CHECK YOURSELF

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 12:17pm

  571. 571: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    No, Dorothea, you misunderstood. The nail polish story was not mocking Daria — it was an ANALOGY, a METAPHOR, which I hoped would illuminate the truth about what she is doing. Sometimes allegories are the most effective way to convey an idea that someone is not hearing through literal expressions.

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 12:20pm

  572. 572: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Dorothea, please kindly check YOURself on the abusive name-calling.

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 12:21pm

  573. 573: dorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    lucy i feel really confused about something… when is the last time you saw tn man physically face-to-face, i mean in person not webcams or anything like that?

    please help me understand your obsession better.

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 12:23pm

  574. 574: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Siena, do you know why the ex-wife broke up with him? That would be the side of the story I would want to know…

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 12:24pm

  575. 575: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Dorothea, I don’t want to discuss my personal life with someone who calls me vile names, disrespects me, and doesn’t listen to me with an open heart.

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 12:26pm

  576. 576: dorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    that’s cute.

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 12:27pm

  577. 577: SienaNo Gravatar says:

    Lucy, yes… she found religion, and wanted him to participate in the religion she got in to. This was about 5 years into their marriage. He doesn’t believe in the teachings of that church, and so – although he would participate in certain things for the children – he didn’t profess that faith, and so was not welcome in that church. Some things went down where the church shunned him (basically) and convinced her that it would be better for her if she divorced him and found a man who was a professed member of that church.

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 12:28pm

  578. 578: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Shannon, thank you. I agree with Sweetpea #559. <3

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 12:28pm

  579. 579: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Siena — Oh. Wow. Sounds like a mess. Has he gotten some good counseling to help him move past it? I love how you describe the way you feel with him. :)

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 12:32pm

  580. 580: dorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    really lucy are you sure you’re not just saying that to me about not discussing your personal life (which you discuss constantly here about this one dude over and over and over) so you don’t have to admit to everyone here that you have NEVER ONCE EVER EVEN MET THIS MAN IN PERSON? NOT ONCE IN YOUR WHOLE LIFE? AND HE NEVER EVER CAME TO SEE YOU EVEN ONCE?

    cuz you attack us all and throw a hissy fit when many of us say he’s no good for you.

    HELLO SIREN ISLAND, IN CASE YOU DIDN’T KNOW, LUCY HAS NEVER ACTUALLY SEEN TN MAN FACE TO FACE. HE HAS NOT COME FOR HER ONCE.

    but don’t tell her when she’s here daily obsessing over him that he is currently no good whatsoever for her.

    oh no don’t do that.

    you’ll regret that one.

    lucy i want you here. i want you SNAPPING THE EFF OUT OF IT ABOUT TN MAN. none of us have any control of you and it’s making us all feel triggered and frustrated. clearly.

    but if yall go off on sarcastic “allegorical” diatribes to specifically mock one person, and then try to bat your not so innocent eyelashes and act like you were just being a perfect little angel, i am going to keep calling you out, until i get bored of your little obsession and seeing you be this way, and i leave.

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 12:34pm

  581. 581: SweetpeaNo Gravatar says:

    What the heck is up with all the aggressive, confrontational energy on here lately? What feminine energy is attacking someone?!

    I’m a newbie here – I don’t know the rules – but from what I’ve read and seen of Rori’s work, the pots are getting way away from what she’s trying to teach us!

    Everyone please try to revert back to some feminine voices! I like it here. I don’t want to leave.

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 12:39pm

  582. 582: SienaNo Gravatar says:

    Lucy, I don’t know about the counseling…

    I guess I should talk to him about how I feel about this – although writing it here makes me feel better because it helps me work through my own feelings of anger.

    It’s weird to feel angry at someone I’ve never met, but it’s a double whammy:

    1) I feel angry that a woman would throw away a good man and still live well while I work my butt off and struggle and have *never* thrown away a good man

    2) I feel angry at someone choosing religion over family and children. Because when she divorced him, she also really hurt the children – probably even more than she hurt him.

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 12:40pm

  583. 583: dorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    i personally feel hateful toward tn man grrrr

    still want to throw drink in his face

    except he has to show up in front of me for me to do that

    technology has not advanced enough to throw a materialized star trek-esque drink in his face thru computer screen.

    damn you technology! *shakes fist*

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 12:40pm

  584. 584: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Dorothea,

    I totally echo what Lucy said, “No, Dorothea, you misunderstood. The nail polish story was not mocking Daria — it was an ANALOGY, a METAPHOR, which I hoped would illuminate the truth about what she is doing. Sometimes allegories are the most effective way to convey an idea that someone is not hearing through literal expressions.”

    I admit in my case, that analogy, while totally for the purpose of showing Daria clearly, was, in my case, mixed with sarcasm.

    And, sarcasm IS something I “checked” down a few posts later. Sarcasm served me well in the past, when I needed to defend myself from a constant onslaught of criticism and harshness. I am learning to process it and let it go, which I did a lot of work on last night.

    I believe sarcasm is based in anger, as is calling someone a “b*tch” and a “who*e”. I don’t like that at all. How do you feel about that?

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 12:43pm

  585. 585: dorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    a hoe is different than a whore but i am a linguist and get caught up in connotations

    i’m not crazy, i feel defensive and angry for a reason. not just “triggered.” i feel really irritated with all the backpedaling. i work in politics and i know backpedaling when i see it.

    you guys are not whores nor are you really bitches just being kinda bitchy and ganging up.

    i don’t want to fight anymore can we hug and make up brenda?

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 12:45pm

  586. 586: SweetpeaNo Gravatar says:

    Dorothea – I understand your frustration but I fail to see how attacking Lucy will make it go away!

    She asked for some help on a feeling message and it’s rolled into this ball of unholy evilness.

    I feel sad and exhausted that people who need to work this stuff are being attacked and chased off of siren island because other people are being triggered and working on it counter-productively.

    If it was just Lucy I wouldn’t feel so unsafe and angry but it’s been one person or another for the last 3 days. And I don’t feel judgmental of Tallgirl for leaving. I would feel unsafe here too if I were her.

    I feel unsafe already and I’ve not been on the receiving end of the toxicity. But I’m beginning to think if I stick around long enough I will.

    I ask again, everyone please stop beating each other over the heads with the tools! We’re grown adult women here who are trying to learn to manage relationships in a soft feminine way! Can we please start with each other?!

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 12:46pm

  587. 587: dorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    grrr sweetpea i don’t want to be sweet and feminine to someone who acts like that, especially to my friend.

    and i don’t want to be sweet and feminine to sirens who are slapping themselves in the face over and over again.

    i have been posting here for a long time and i think some of the more advanced sirens felt compelled to leave because of all the go-nowhere fussing about men like those who we’ve never even met or are bad for us.

    SORRY FOR THE NAMES. i feel like making a manly contract. like if no one lashes out like that, i won’t either. my few words are so shocking but what about post after post after post above? i guess it’s ok to be a horrid bitch if you do it in disguised language over a longer period of time?

    i am blunt.

    i feel untrusting unsafe too.

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 12:51pm

  588. 588: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Yes, Dorothea, I am absolutely certain that I don’t want to discuss my personal life with someone who calls me vile names, disrespects me, and doesn’t listen to me with an open heart. I respect and love myself enough to hold that as a boundary and not accept abuse.

    There are some Sirens on here who do listen with an open heart, don’t call me names, and do respect me, which is why I am still here, sharing my process like everyone else.

    I feel hopeful reading this statement: “none of us have any control of you and it’s making us all feel triggered and frustrated” — That is exactly what the problem is here — people wanting to control other people and feeling triggered when they can’t. SEEING that is huge! When you are triggered, you have to ask yourself why YOU are feeling upset — it’s about YOU, the one feeling triggered — and you are expressing here in this statement that the reason you feel triggered is because you don’t have control of me. So, it’s a control issue for you — and because I have triggered that for you, you get the opportunity to HEAL your need to control! It’s a great opportunity for growth! Control issues are some of the most destructive issues in marriage, and if you can heal this, you will be that much further along toward your happy ever after.

    I feel bad that you don’t understand my sincere use of allegory, and that you distrust my integrity.

    I am not perfect, but neither is anyone else on here. When I am triggered by what I perceive as attacks on me here, I process it and use it for my growth and healing. Many others on here do that as well. I value that.

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 12:51pm

  589. 589: dorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    lucy we all been listening to you obsess over a man you’ve never even met who has never even ever come to see you even once (still avoiding this one) for a long time. along long long time
    and my heart was open

    it still is open

    i’m still here

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 12:55pm

  590. 590: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Dorothea,

    All right…**HUGS!!!** I want to make up, too.

    I believe EVERY HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP HAS DISAGREEMENTS.

    Ladies, this is all processing. None of us is perfect. Let she who is without wrongdoings call the first mean name.

    When we are in a real argument, we have a prime opportunity right here, right now to practice the tools Rori has given us.

    It is a challenge to state thing in feeling messages and “I want…”; “I don’t like…” statements when we are in the middle of strong feelings and disagreements.

    A major purpose of those statements is to not make a man wrong, to not blame him. Let’s try to not make each other wrong and not blame each other.

    About TN Man, as the Queen of Long Distance Relationships, I can say with confidence that two people can share a lot of feelings without having met. Lucy has a two year history with this man. And, it can be true that absence makes the heart grow fonder. Is it possible that she sees some very rich qualities in him? Does she have a right to choose who she loves, what she says?

    We can love her and caution her, if we feel it’s necessary, but do we have the right to control her?

    Someone posted on here yesterday:

    God, please grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change, the courage to change the one I can change, and the wisdom to know that one is me.

    Amen

    I love you ALL!

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 12:55pm

  591. 591: SweetpeaNo Gravatar says:

    Right now the only way I can view this as growth is that I’m learning to use feeling messages – which I admittedly need to work on, instead of throwing down and using masculine energy.

    God help me, I feel I’m making progress!

    If it weren’t for that fact and the fact that the universe has been giving me what I need when I need it – and it just told it I need help with feeling messages…. I would be sooooo out of here!

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 12:56pm

  592. 592: dorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    so i’m triggered? is that why you went on and on calling earthdancer names (you called her a literary name but you know damn well it’s still a name) and labeling her and then proceeded to mock daria? or do we only get to talk about how two little words in one post that i used somehow trump all that?

    give me a break. my heart is closing now.

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 12:57pm

  593. 593: SweetpeaNo Gravatar says:

    I didn’t take it that Lucy was calling earthdancer names. Maybe I’m all wrong ‘cuz I don’t know who the heck she was referencing – maybe she did feel it was earthdancer on her bridge. But my understanding is that she was referencing the feelings she had at the time.

    I feel my masculine energy rising up in me like a … a – vomit! I’m not going to use it though. Not on here. It feels icky!

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 1:01pm

  594. 594: dorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    i just feel so freaked out that some posters on here would actually enable and encourage women to strategize and obsess over men that are no good for them (like no question about it bad for them)

    i do not want this

    what can we do about this?

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 1:05pm

  595. 595: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Dorothea, if you don’t like the way I live my life and the choices I make, then just don’t pay attention to it.

    I’m not avoiding anything “(still avoiding this one).” Just because I don’t want to discuss it one-on-one with YOU doesn’t mean I am avoiding it. I am fully aware of the situation I am in — YOU are NOT.

    I don’t feel unsafe here, because I can take care of myself, but I do feel reluctant now to share honestly and deeply the way I have in the past. I feel sad about that.

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 1:05pm

  596. 596: dorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    BLARGH I’M SORRY FOR THE NAMES I’M PMSING

    mostly im just sorry that using them made it even easier for lucy to feel more right and justified.

    FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK

    i don’t like this no me gusta je n’aime pas

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 1:06pm

  597. 597: SweetpeaNo Gravatar says:

    Dorothea – I understand that you feel anger toward TN man. I feel anger toward TN man. I feel frustrated that Lucy is still feeling conflicted about TN Man.

    I felt frustrated for Tallgirl that she was having such a hard time with Textman. The key IS… I felt frustrated FOR Tallgirl – not AT Tallgirl! Frustration is my feeling and mine alone to process. Telling Tallgirl that she is doing it WRONG, WRONG, WRONG didn’t help Tallgirl. She just ran off the island. I hope it’s only temporary.

    I feel happy that Lucy is still here. I feel upset that any of this going on. I feel upset when I see other people being attacked because they’re not “as good as” others!

    I thought this was a warm, welcome, inviting place to work through my non Rori-esque behavior. Right now I feel scared to say anything at all about what I’m struggling with!

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 1:07pm

  598. 598: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Yes, in my anger, I did call earthdancer Hermione Granger — and I promptly apologized because I knew it was not loving or helpful.

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 1:07pm

  599. 599: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Brenda – Rori is very firm that feelings when a couple hasn’t met in person are based on our fantasies and it is not a real relationship. We’ve had a few blog posts on this lately.

    Here’s a post:

    http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/attraction/when-youre-trapped-in-a-dream-of-love/

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 1:07pm

  600. 600: dorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    well i think since you spend so much of our time talking about and worrying about tn man, we all have the right to know that you have never actually met him.

    please respect our time.

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 1:08pm

  601. 601: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    I like teddy bears.

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 1:08pm

  602. 602: dorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    i didn’t see tallgirl leave…hope she comes back!

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 1:09pm

  603. 603: dorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    i thought rori said something to tall girl and then tall girl actually left?

    blargh.

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 1:11pm

  604. 604: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Daria,

    Yes, I was a part of that post on long distance relationships being imaginary. And, I agree. And, at the same time, I still believe you can see really fantastic qualities about a person long distance. I can see both together. Maybe Lucy needs to follow thru this relationship to prove to herself one way or the other. And, that’s her right. Inotherwords, maybe she sees high enuff qualities in TN Man to make it worth the risk to see who he really is when and if they actually meet in person.

    Just to give you an idea, I had a prison pen pal in the 90s who I NEVER met. Dude was best friends with my first boyfriend, and he took me under his wing thru letters. He protected me when I was in a relationship with an alcoholic in Arizona while he was locked up in New York! He encouraged me to embrace my sexuality. Because of him, I bought my first sex toy. Never met him and never will, yet he made a powerful impact in my life, and I will always be grateful.

    Long distance friends can change our lives.

    You are all long distance friends.
    You have changed my life already.
    I value your friendships.
    I love you ALL.

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 1:15pm

  605. 605: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Daria – “Rori is very firm that feelings when a couple hasn’t met in person are based on our fantasies and it is not a real relationship.”

    Right — she is talking there about a ROMANTIC relationship. Rori did acknowledge specifically the possibility that I have/had a valuable FRIENDSHIP with TN Man.

    I am not at all imagining that I have a ROMANTIC relationship with him.

    It is what it is — two people RELATING to each other long-distance. That’s a real thing. Just like all of us relating to each other on here. We have never met, but we have relationships with each other.

    Rori uses the term Imaginary Relationship in regards to when a woman thinks that a man feels the same level of feelings and commitment to her that she feels toward him, when he actually does not.

    That is a different thing that what is going on with TN man.

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 1:16pm

  606. 606: dorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    hey i was doing my laundry and felt compelled to apologize to lucy for my harsh language

    on the other hand, i feel like brenda can “take it.” and not in a punching bag way but in a ‘down ass b*tch’ who gets it sort of way.

    brenda if i am categorizing you in an offensive way i am sorry…in my world this is a good thing.

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 1:21pm

  607. 607: dorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    lucy sorry for the harsh language.

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 1:22pm

  608. 608: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Dorothea — “well i think since you spend so much of our time talking about and worrying about tn man, we all have the right to know that you have never actually met him. please respect our time.”

    PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE take responsibility for yourself!!!

    *I* don’t spend your time! YOU spend your time, Dorothea. YOU CHOOSE to spend your time reading what I write. Please don’t put the responsibility on ME for what you choose to do with your time!

    Do you do this in other areas of your life — shift responsibility for yourself onto other people?

    “weall have the right to know that you have never actually met him” — Oh my GOSH, Dorothea! Everyone already knows this! That’s the whole point!

    I am starting to feel like I am enabling YOUR unhealthy behavior by continuing to engage with you.

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 1:23pm

  609. 609: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Dorothea, I can “take” harsh language — I just choose not to accept it, as it is abusive and toxic and I have strong boundaries around abuse and toxicity.

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 1:26pm

  610. 610: dorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    ok

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 1:26pm

  611. 611: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    P.S. I feel disgusted at an insult very thinly disguised as an apology.

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 1:27pm

  612. 612: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    In other news,

    I felt surprised reading Evan’s email today about his sister’s wedding — it was totally a long-distance relationship and courtship — met online — she in NYC, he in California. I felt really surprised by the whole story and how much Evan supported and encouraged her in doing it that way. He officiated at the ceremony! :)

    Gotta go now, taking my son for his allergy shots.

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 1:32pm

  613. 613: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Dorothea, you said, “on the other hand, i feel like brenda can “take it.” and not in a punching bag way but in a ‘down ass b*tch’ who gets it sort of way.

    brenda if i am categorizing you in an offensive way i am sorry…in my world this is a good thing.”

    I feel confused and amused at the same time. I honestly am not sure what you mean or how to take this! Can you please explain?

    In other news, you are the attorney fighting to legalize marriage in Tijuana, right? If so, I am with you!

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 1:33pm

  614. 614: dorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    i feel unsure how to explain this better brenda i am sorry! maybe later a good explanation with come to me.

    i am not an attorney in tijuana hehe. i do work on marijuana legalization and i feel happy to hear you are supportive of more sensible policies. the drug war is so ugly and dangerous, especially right now:(

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 1:38pm

  615. 615: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    I feel tightened arms and spinning hot torso energy.

    Hmm… I actually don’t LIKE feeling this way, it’s kinda tightened up feeling.

    I fele strangled when I read certain posts, like I’m hitting a glass wall… I’m used to honesty and feelings going straight thru like woooshhh magically

    I dont like feeling like im pressed against walls

    I feel sad and disappointed.

    I’m not interested in engaging right now…

    I’m processing my feelings

    i love my slumpy feeling

    I miss AG

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 1:39pm

  616. 616: dorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    oh my gosh how funny i read legalize marijuana not marriage hahaa

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 1:41pm

  617. 617: SweetpeaNo Gravatar says:

    Dorothe – re: “I have been posting here for a long time and i think some of the more advanced sirens felt compelled to leave because of all the go-nowhere fussing about men like those who we’ve never even met or are bad for us.”

    Maybe they left because they “get it”? It’s those of us who are still learning the tools who need to be here the most.

    Like I said, I understand the frustration. It just feels unsafe to me when the frustration is misdirected. I know for me it’s a matter of not being familiar with the tools – with not being sure how to use the ones I know and of just not feeling authentic with others. Some of the tools I am resistant to, but I have to get past that resistant myself. I was resistant to having racial healing therapy, but I’m going on that date tonight.

    Guess what though… if I had someone beating me over the head telling me I need to do it because Rori says CDing is all about free therapy and I need the therapy… I would be much more resistant to it. I don’t feel trying to force the rules down someone’s throats is conducive to their growth.

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 1:43pm

  618. 618: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Brenda – to me when dorothea said that what I got out of it was that, even though i have seen you sometimes get defensive or and talking about the past as a reason/excuse rather than going I WANT TO HEAL THIS PAST STUFF NOW ,

    you don’t feel fake

    and your energy feels open very much of the time

    I felt really awful and vengeful about the nailpolish cliquing stuff,

    but right now i feel open to you for some reason

    PS – I love the words “marriage in tijuana”

    saving taht!

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 1:44pm

  619. 619: dorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    racial healing therapy?

    are you going out with someone of a different race tonight?

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 1:44pm

  620. 620: SweetpeaNo Gravatar says:

    Dorothea – also, I guess I don’t know for sure that Tallgirl left but she has been conspicuously absent since Sunday night.

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 1:45pm

  621. 621: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Sweetpea – sometimes I feel angry and frustrtated AT someone

    that’s simply my truth

    and i am practicing expressing myself and my triggers,

    including feeling really angry and outraged when i see something that feels like OH NOOO to me

    certain things feel horrible to me to read, and i respond to them

    the thing that makes the blog safe is not not expressing anger at someone, but taht ist a blog, so we can practice with these triggers which feels much scarier in real life

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 1:47pm

  622. 622: SweetpeaNo Gravatar says:

    Dorothea – yes I am! I feel nervous, anxious, happy and excited about it. I was raped by a member of this race a couple years back and I feel like it’s a huge block to my growth. So…. I’m going to face it head on!!

    I feel tears now. I feel tightening in my chest. I feel anxious. I know this is going to be a huge growth spurt. Growth is uncomfortable. This feels good!

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 1:48pm

  623. 623: dorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    circular dating and feeling messages and rori’s tools actually broke up my friendship of 6 years with a female i have been besties with for a while on and off

    basically she rejected “the way.” and then voiced to others that she didn’t understand why such bad advice works but it must because i am “sooo ugly” but guys treat me very well for the most part. and it eventually got back to me that she has been telling people she thinks i’m ugly. i felt humiliated that she was going around saying that about me.

    like i get positive attention and affection from men and she thinks it’s not fair cuz i’m not attractive.

    yikes.

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 1:49pm

  624. 624: dorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    jesus louisus sweet pea
    you are brave.

    tell us about it when you get back from the date pleasepleaseplease

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 1:50pm

  625. 625: dorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    DANGIT I used the name of the son of the lord and i got moderated

    i was saying sweetpea u r very brave!

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 1:51pm

  626. 626: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    that was my understanding of what makes the blog safe – a THOUGHT.

    I don’t feel good thinking of stuffing my feelings or not expressing them because they are strong and perhaps triggered by a particular post or persons

    i am actually working thru triggers… i did posts riffing last nite… a lot of this is reminding me of my early school experiences – i feel vulnerable saying that

    and i don’t want to have the same reactions i did then (quietness for the most part)

    i feel unsafe too

    i want to express OH NOOO

    when i read something that feels awful

    it feels good sometimes to let out my inner drama queen

    i feel unsafe doing so

    and i feel safe doing so on blog

    practice practice feels intriguing

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 1:52pm

  627. 627: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    oh my gosh sweetpea wow! I feel awed! I agree that you are very brave . oh i feel awful . ohh

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 1:53pm

  628. 628: SweetpeaNo Gravatar says:

    Daria – I understand that. I experienced it with Simply Shannon a few days ago. I posted something that triggered her. She simply said, “Sweetpea, this isn’t about you. It’s about me!”

    That made all the difference in the world to me and allowing me to work through my “uh oh” for posting something that triggered her. I have a difficult time working through things when I feel defensive. I don’t have a problem with you or anyone else expressing anger here. That’s what this place is all about. I am just hoping that something can be done so despite the fact that someone else triggers you (or anyone else) you can make it clear that the anger is YOURS whether they are triggering you or not. I feel like your anger (and others’) has been directed toward others and it doesn’t feel healthy to me. Maybe it’s healthy for you, maybe it helps you feel better, but the way it’s being gone about is making others feel unsafe (including myself).

    I want to hear the anger, I want to hear about the triggers – I’m just afraid that anything I say right now might lead to my being on the chopping block with all of the anger directed at me. I don’t want that! I want to feel safe here.

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 1:54pm

  629. 629: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    ohh i feel triggered and sad

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 1:54pm

  630. 630: SweetpeaNo Gravatar says:

    Daria & Dorothea – thank you both! It feels wonderful to be acknowledged. I am starting to really freak out about this, but dammit! I am going. I have to move past this and he seems like a wonderful man. He feels very open and safe. He was sent to me to help me and I WILL accept that help.

    I’m sure I’ll have a lot to share later this evening though. :)

    I have tears running down my face right now – not bad tears though. My chest feels tight. But it is loosening up. This man did not rape me! I cannot blame his race anymore than I can blame men in general! I HAVE to go do this! It will feel good to let it go.

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 1:58pm

  631. 631: dorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    i was sexually assaulted and it still comes up in me from time to time. especially with dates.

    i am gonna live vicariously through your bravery today, sweetpea. thank you!

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 2:03pm

  632. 632: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Sweetpea –

    I feel a concerned… and also a bit defensive. I don’t want people to feel upset… but i don’t want to be responsible for their feelings.

    I don’t want to say I feel angry “this is not about you” when i do feel angry at a person. I feel comfortable saying “this is not about you” when i notice it actually not being about them.

    I feel unsafe – and I feel a bit angry at you that I’m feeling undefended and blamed – , and I also feel glad to feel that way and get practice with feeling anger directed at me, and feeling mocked, misunderstood and attacked –

    I don’t want to be responsible for other’s feelings when I feel angry at them and express that

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 2:03pm

  633. 633: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Wow Sweetpea – I feel chills. I feel inspired and opened reading about your experience with the tears and your determination to heal.

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 2:05pm

  634. 634: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Daria,

    I apologize for my sarcasm and anger last night, including the nail polish thing. I already apologized last night indirectly, but I am apologizing directly now. Again, I am not perfect.

    When I talk about my past, I am NOT using it as excuses and justification for my present behavior. I talk about my past partially to process my healing; partially to let you guys know me; and partially as examples, nonthreatening examples, to illustrate my thots and feelings about current situations here. I share my own stuff, inotherwords, rather than point to someone and say, “You’re wrong!”

    I have come thru a HUGE shitload of anger in my past. I still get triggered. Last night I felt angry. But I did process it and felt at peace by the time I went to bed at 5:30 am!!

    I have already admitted the nail polish thing was partially sarcasm. But it was also partially a simple analogy in hopes that you would see that we can’t control others and we can’t force everyone to do things one way.

    I am not perfect, but I do my best.

    Every healthy relationship has disagreements.
    This site is all about relationships.
    This is good practice for all of us, if we don’t push away the triggers and choose to learn from each other how to get along thru disagreements.
    Matter of fact, that is a major thing I want to learn.

    I like teddy bears.

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 2:07pm

  635. 635: dorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    brenda i feel so pissed at you woman i HATE teddy bears

    lo

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 2:12pm

  636. 636: dorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    *lol

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 2:12pm

  637. 637: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Brenda – thanks for the apology about the sarcasm. I feel a little sad to hear you apologize for your anger. I love your anger.

    I dont feel comfortable hearing about showing me that we don’t control others – that feels weird.

    Many times i have FELT like controling others, I don’t want to do that though.

    I have noticed sometimes I don’t speak up when things make me feel uncomfortable – I feel uncomfortable like it would not be my business etc

    I would like to change this

    and i feel like I am being controlling when I express myself – and i would like to change this

    I feel a little confused around… go cold/shutdown when i notice someone hurting themselves… vs

    say NOOOO i dont feel comfortable seeing you do that

    it woudl feel fun now to do an experiment of using feeling messages and don’t wants with no you’s… since I’ve released the inner drama queen

    iohh it would feel fun if this sparked another set of mirror voices in This voice…

    the other voice and mirrors did not feel good… I feel powerful and delighted thinking that my volcano freed up other people’s volcanos and there was a big bang fest of lava

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 2:16pm

  638. 638: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    I’m feeling relaxed!

    I feel good!

    I feel excited about taking a drive and smoking!

    ohhh wait i had said i wouldn’t do that – haha my girl jsut said the same thing!

    hmmm where can i be at for a few hours to smoke?

    maybe i’ll just go to the park and i’ll stick to taking one hit yum

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 2:18pm

  639. 639: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Dorothea,

    Why do you hate teddy bears?

    I like marriage in Tijuana. My first boyfriend called it “God’s weed”! I was raised to be totally against drugs, and I still am against most of them. I isolate pot cuz when I discussed it with him 20 yrs ago, I couldn’t argue when he said, “It grows out of the ground. If it was wrong, why would God have created it?”

    I had a friend who used to smoke it a lot. He was a single father who loved his son very much. He was a homeowner with excellent credit and a good job. I commented on how much he had his life together. He said, “Yeah, but I want to stop smoking pot.”

    I asked why, and he said he feels apathetic when he smokes it. I was impressed at his candor, and I can see that as one of the few reasons to not smoke it, at least in excess. The main reason I don’t is cuz it is damaging to the lungs. I wish it would be legalized and then I’d take it in pill form. A previous boyfriend was dying and his doctor tried to get it for him in pill form, but he was denied. I always thot that was really stupid. It would have eased his pain.

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 2:21pm

  640. 640: siaNo Gravatar says:

    i always come here to read a bit for serenity. I feel very sorry for tallgirl, and for joan for whom it was a great risk to come here, here as to a safe place and she might well be amazed now…

    I find some of the new sirens here more forgiving and enthusiastic than the seasoned ones.. how is that possible? Aren’t masters growing into humbleness about their skills?

    Okay, Lucy has an imaginary friendship/relationship and she insists it is good for her in some posts and suffers in others.

    Okay Daria insists everybody does tools and she freely voices her frustration when people are not catching up fast, yet ignores the first and foremost thing Rori advises to any woman: get a job.

    Okay I just come here reading and don’t stick to feeling messages and don’t practise them here out of laziness/cowardice/impatience.

    I just believe what Rori said about coaches is true: they may be wrong in some areas in their life, yet in other ones they help. All the sirens here are indirectly coaching each other, so nothing is lost…

    i like the name baby steps – that implies each step is sooo praised (no frustration or anger at how slow it goes!!!!) – and every fall is gently soothed

    For Joan, and for Tallgirl, and for me when I have a bad day, I would feel so glad and grateful if this was the way here…

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 2:22pm

  641. 641: dorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    i like teddy bears i’m just playin with u

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 2:23pm

  642. 642: dorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    sia, i think daria has a job as a tutor. self employment.

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 2:27pm

  643. 643: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Daria,

    I feel happy you accepted my apology, and I got a big kick out of it that you called it a big bang fest of lava! You funny!

    I have dissected anger in me for years. Here is what I have found:

    Sarcasm is an expression of anger.
    Anger is comprised of hurt.
    Hurt is a vulnerable thing to express, so we tend to let it harden into anger.

    I feel confused as to why you accept my apology for sarcasm but not for anger? To me, they are one in the same.

    I love my anger, too, but I sometimes don’t like when I express it because I don’t want to hurt other people. So I was apologizing for hurting you.

    I felt a need to explain my reasons for using sarcasm, because you seemed to not see past its mocking tendency. I felt weird talking in “You…” statements, but I felt at a loss to feel understood, since I had already tried all other ways of communicating I know.

    I feel relaxed, too. I feel really happy we were able to talk our feelings out both last night and today. I feel safe or I wouldn’t have done that.

    I love teddy bears. YUM!

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 2:29pm

  644. 644: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Dorothea, will you be my bear?

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 2:32pm

  645. 645: dorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    brenda, you know what’s really interesting about pill form marijuana (marinol)? you can actually overdose and die from it. but not so from the widely ILLEGAL plant itself. in fact, there is not one single recorded overdose death in human history.

    please PLEASE forgive the linking, rori, but brenda, if you are interested in legalization, i just started this webpage and organization with the help of many wonderful people to give women a place to speak out and come out of the closet and to raise support for legalization among women nationwide –

    womensmarijuanamovement.org

    you can leave a testimonial on the website and i’ll get it up there.

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 2:33pm

  646. 646: SweetpeaNo Gravatar says:

    Wow… so I’m in the middle of wallowing in my emotions about the racial healing therapy – crying and freaking out – and Attracted1 calls. I didn’t expect to hear from him again. And as much as I would have killed to have a guy actually be up front with me and tell me “he’s just not into me” a year ago instead of running and hiding like a little sissy. It really isn’t necessary for me anymore.

    Wow. I feel pretty grown up now. I told him I felt impressed and overwhelmed that he would call to process this with me, but that it wasn’t really necessary. The attraction’s not there, right?

    He says: “Right.”

    Me: “Then without attraction, there’s nothing. I really appreciate you calling though. That was really nice.”

    Whew! Now I feel completely deflated. My head hurts. I want to go back to processing my other feelings. I feel nauseous. I feel disappointed. The attraction wasn’t there for me really either, but I was staying open-minded because our conversations were so good. (I told him that). How can that be? I’m oxygen, remember?!

    I guess it just is. I’m not really feeling anything about this right now other than disappointed that a guy who can “man up” like that isn’t attracted to me. Damn! Still some work to do, I guess. Maybe once my other therapy is done I’ll come back to this. Maybe it will matter then. Or maybe I’ve grown enough that it just doesn’t. Who knows?

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 2:38pm

  647. 647: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    ohh I feel triggered! I feel angry and tightened up, and sad too!

    I feel big wind blowing and throwing stuff around… I feel sad to think about not expressing anger and frustration… ohh… i say NO to not expressing it…

    i feel good about feeling soothed and supported, yum

    I feel mistrust and power to about not expressing strong feelings

    I feel disappointed and rageful that my business is not yet as successful as i feel comfortable with…

    i feel vulnerable to other’s opinions and i feel insecure about it

    i feel sad

    i feel outrage

    i feel worry that something else would come up for me to feel miserable/insecure about when i feel successful business wise

    i feel sad thinking that

    what if… once i feel secure in it i will feel happy and nothing! will come up to feel miserable or insecure about

    i feel a lil frustrated that i’m not yet out cruising in the sunshine

    mmm

    i feel concerned

    ohhh
    i love my feelings

    i love my feeling of sadness
    i love my feeling of insecurity

    and that feels like

    a hug! yum

    ah i feel triggered to the guy on the date yesterday giving me a hug

    i feel untrusting of him

    i feel disappointed

    i feel insecure

    i love my insecurity, my dissappoinment and my mistrust

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 2:41pm

  648. 648: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Sweetpea – ohh it feels weird to hear that… i feel sad… i feel pouty… i feel BIG HUG!!!

    i feel triggered by this and kinda weird about my last cd and feeling insecure… and i don’t know that i fully even like HIM!

    eeesh

    hehe

    taking myself out for that drive

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 2:49pm

  649. 649: SweetpeaNo Gravatar says:

    Daria – I love you. I really do. I love your spirit. I’m not going to tell you I feel good about your getting so frustrated and angry that people haven’t got this down like you do.

    But… maybe I need to take my own advice and if I don’t like reading what you’re feeling, I should just not read it.

    (Hugs).

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 2:49pm

  650. 650: SweetpeaNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks Daria – I feel alot of those same feelings. Funny thing is, though. You know he’s got to be questioning how he can not be attracted to someone who handled this all so gracefully, right?

    And it felt so authentic to me – it IS authentic. I just really don’t care right now. Like I said, maybe I will later, but right now, it feels like a pesky fly. Shoo fly!

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 2:51pm

  651. 651: SweetpeaNo Gravatar says:

    Shoo fly! I have bigger fish to fry…

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 2:53pm

  652. 652: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Sweetpea,

    I feel sad and confused. Last I knew, Attracted1 was the one you had two positive dates with…am I right? I must have missed something in between. I didn’t know there wasn’t attraction there.

    Probably hard to handle on the same day as facing the rape issue thru race date therapy. I feel sad with you.

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 3:02pm

  653. 653: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Dorothea,

    Thank you very much for the link! It looks like a good website, and so far I have seen a couple of the news videos. I will get busy!

    I heard teddy bears like pot.

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 3:03pm

  654. 654: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Dorothea,

    I wrote my testimonial. Somehow the first word, “I” got cut off…anything you can do to fix that? Thanks!

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 3:35pm

  655. 655: dorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    Yeah I can edit it however. In fact, I shall make it say “My name is brenda and i smoke crack rocks! weed is much safer.”

    lol just playing

    i feel soooo excited to have you involved like this! thank you for your support and bravery! I am going to look at your testimonial right now

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 3:41pm

  656. 656: TinaNo Gravatar says:

    SS, I am aware of my own distress. my feelings of distress when my past old traumas comes up, distress is more of a reaction, I suppose. Sometimes I catch my self, sometimes i dont, baby steps. Compassion helps to push me through fear of change.

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 3:49pm

  657. 657: maryNo Gravatar says:

    hello!

    i’m off to another coffee date! my profile says that i like “clean-shaven faces,” and this guy said he’d grown the “motley beard, did i want him to shave it off for coffee?” I did not comment.

    Old Flame is on day 60 of his divorce, which takes 90 days. i’m noticing that when i email him or talk to him, i don’t obsess afterwards. that’s novella and wonderful. i feel great about that!

    it’s easy.

    so easy…

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 4:01pm

  658. 658: maryNo Gravatar says:

    i mean when i respond to his emails or when i talk with him on the phone.

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 4:04pm

  659. 659: dorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    lol he asked u if u want to shave it hahahahahahahaha i feel amused

    quite the goddess u r, mary!

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 4:09pm

  660. 660: dorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    *if you want him to shave it

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 4:10pm

  661. 661: JeannetteNo Gravatar says:

    Girls, I think I really botched things up this time….I was seeing a guy I rather liked and have been 2 months. Then along comes an old childhood sweetheart (we were 16 and 17) and he said he has been looking for me for 10 years. So now I am talking to him and have been out with him. In the meantime, bachelor #1 (just kidding) hasn’t called me because I was sort of crabby to him on the phone, like I don’t appreciate him. But he wants me to meet his mother now! I said, “yes, when the time is right.” I think I have insulted him, have not heard from him in several days. I don’t know if all this is worth it. I will probably lose both guys. I really don’t know who I like more yet.

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 4:47pm

  662. 662: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Daria,

    When I first started learning about feeling statements and “I” statements around 1990, on a much more surfacey scale, I confronted people left and right. My counselor cautioned me that people wouldn’t like it.

    Over time, I realized that a life of stuffing left me bursting with anger and the need to express myself. Gradually, I have found and am finding a comfortable in between balance, where I choose my battles, rather than calling every single person on every single issue that triggers me. I feel wise sometimes when I simply keep quiet.

    Because my childhood felt out of control, I have felt a need to control others, and that is sometimes why I get involved in disagreements that aren’t my own. :-) But even in conversations, sometimes it feels scary to simply ask an open-ended question! I even feel a need a control people’s responses.

    I saw this most clearly when I was with Ryan night after night. I made every mistake Rori talks about in her CD seminars and then some! Over and over, I caught myself saying the no-nos, “Wouldn’t you like to…?”; “Why don’t we….?”; “Why are you doing …..?” For example, we went to the diner almost every night for hot tea or coffee. One night he ordered water. I said, “Ryan! It’s tacky to go to a restaurant and not order anything!”

    He answered with a tone of mild irritation, “I’m ordering pancakes!”, something he normally didn’t do.

    I felt sheepish, and I instantly apologized.

    Over time, I realized I needed to take care of me and let him take care of him. I most definitely still need to grow in this area. I am trying to break down my communication style in preparation for when he looks me up again.

    We have a VERY deep disagreement on a spiritual level in our beliefs. I really am open to ideas on how to approach this when it comes up again, because it will.

    It’s rather interesting to bring this up on this site, since Rori talks a lot about the inner goddess in us! :-) Ryan literally believes in the goddess. He says he can’t believe there are creations as beautiful as women if there is no goddess!

    I understand we all have our own beliefs, and we all have a right to it. My point isn’t to pound what I believe. My reason for bringing this up is to ask how can I discuss deep-level disagreements with a man?

    I believe in God, J*sus, and the Bible, and I believe the #1 commandment is to “love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength.” I believe Ryan is violating God’s #1 commandment by loving the goddess more than God.

    At a glance, you may feel like, “So what? You just said everyone has a right to their own beliefs!” Yes, I believe Ryan has a right to believe the goddess is above God. However, I feel convinced that this is the underlying cause of his schizophrenia. I guess maybe this is even TOO deep to discuss on here. It’s very deep, and I know the deeper you go, the more people tend to disagree, cuz we get into abstract, unproveable topics. Anyway, Ryan and I have had many discussions on the goddess and God. He also believes in other gods in Irish mythology. I believe his violation of God’s #1 commandment has opened the door to darkness in his life, so he remains trapped in schizophrenia, which is very dark.

    Any ideas how to approach this with him? I so want to see him free of schizophrenia. He wants to be free, too, but he is blind to how to. I know he never will unless he lets go of all other gods but the one true God.

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 6:25pm

  663. 663: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Here’s a nice article about intimacy from Gabrielle Moore (http://www.femaleorgasmrevealed.com/femaleorgasm/tantric-bonding/)…

    Tantric Intimacy 101

    Like many things, taking the first step is the hardest, more so with Tantric sex because a lot of people have this ill-conceived notion that Tantric sex is corny. You know all that Tantric meditation, Tantric breathing, etc.

    However, here’s the truth; most couples who give Tanta an honest try end up completely following this sensual lifestyle because they realize that it enables them to experience so much more pleasure out of life: emotionally, spiritually and yes, physically. So read on and find out simple ways you can start practicing Tantric intimacy.

    Firstly, set the right mood/ambiance. You cannot tune out chaos if it’s staring you right in the face so to get in the right frame of mind, be sure to spend some time creating romantic atmosphere. This can be as simple as de-cluttering your bedroom, putting on new silk sheets, lighting scented candles and playing a romantic CD.

    Next, reach out to your lover and give her a slow and sensual massage. This does not have to be a long drawn out massage session. It’s simply important to establish connection between your bodies.

    Undress your partner and yourself. Put some massage oil on your hands and rub your palms together to create heat. Run your warm hands all over here from head to toe. Do this to establish physical connection and to relax your senses. You can ask her to do the same or simply wait your turn next time.

    Now, lay your naked body on top of her. Be careful not to apply your whole weight on her by supporting your weight on your arms. Take DEEP BREATHS together and then start rubbing your body against hers.

    All this time just be quiet. Just listen to the music, mind the smell of the scented oils, and breathe deeply with your lover.

    Next, turn her over so that she faces you. Do exactly the same thing; listen to the music, pay attention to the smell of the scented oils, and breathe deeply with your lover. Rub your body against her slowly but deliberately.

    Take her wrists in your hands and lift her arms straight over her head, exposing her breasts completely to you. Rub your chest against hers.

    Nudge her knees apart and position yourself between her. Breathe deeply together and continue to just rub your manhood against hers.

    By this time you probably already have a mighty erection and she’s probably already very turned on as well. You can proceed to making love or continue to tantalize each other.

    The beauty of this Tantric intimacy session is that you can make it last for as long as you guys want!

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 6:43pm

  664. 664: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Brenda i feel disappointed to read thAt. I believe in godesses and mythology and I very much trust and believe in god. To me it’s all love. I feel bad w judgements and bless to find secret mystic stuff.

    I too had a skitzophrenic love – I learned a lot of mystic stuff fr him. We used to fight a lot tho. I saw visions . I fell gifted abt that. Even tho I felt terrified fighting w him and I got smAll. He told me my boy was beating up my girl. I didn’t accept it then . It was true tho! Not anymore

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 6:47pm

  665. 665: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Daria,

    I respect your right to believe the way you want to.

    I am not really trying to start a disagreement. I am more looking for how to approach disagreements when they are on such a deep level. Then again, maybe being in a disagreement is the quickest way to facilitate us learning how to work thru it with feeling messages, etc. ;-)

    Lava! YUM! LOL!

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 6:52pm

  666. 666: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Rori doesn’t really want us to preach here. Remember there Are hindu and bhuddist ladies here who believe In more than one true god. I feel kinda stuck to help you? Maybe to you u r looking for a man who shares your faith? I am certainly looking for a man who shares mine – that it’s all good. Wow! Tight ! Also who gets my grasp understanding of the world. So I feel got and supported to expand . I like vodoun beliefs of the woman being the spirit power house. The man the physical leader. Like avatar.

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 6:55pm

  667. 667: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Daria,

    Did you feel that the one side of his personality was dark? It was so weird to interact with Ryan. He said, “I am not stable inside!” and “I have issues!” and “My life is a wreck!” These statements felt true.

    Sometimes he would mumble and move his lips, rolling his eyes, pacing. Other times he would talk with me utterly connected, intelligent, knowledgeable conversation. He leaned his head on his hand with his elbow bent laying on the bed and gazed at me thru over half of a romantic Michael Bolton album. He gazed at me and said, “It is such a miracle when two souls find each other in this huge world! This is a divine friendship!” Other times he gazed at me and said, “I love you, Brenda!”

    I believe Ryan himself loves me deeply. I believe the dark side of him wants to destroy me. He cultivated my deepest love, then just when it was at its height, and he led me to believe by multiple messages that he was about to propose to me, he got together with me to say, “I am not in love with you. It’s just a friendship.”

    I have felt deeply disturbed about this ever since, for 11 months now. Still processing everything.

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 7:00pm

  668. 668: maryNo Gravatar says:

    Jeanette!

    hold your horses!

    they’ll come back.

    i know it.

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 7:02pm

  669. 669: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Daria,

    Thanks, my purpose here isn’t to preach. I would not feel at all threatened if a Buddhist or Hindu person explained their beliefs.

    I guess I just have to settle with understanding that only Ryan can fix Ryan. I have answered all his questions and discussed it with him as far as I was able. The rest is up to him. God, please grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change.

    I’ll let it go.

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 7:03pm

  670. 670: maryNo Gravatar says:

    i’m back to lovin’ this circular dating thing!

    coffee date was awesome. brilliant navy officer.

    and tonight is Music Man. i’m so attracted to him. so attracted. he wanted to do a bottle of wine at my place. i said NO. not a chance… it will be a public date.

    mmmmmmm… i simply can’t wait.

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 7:03pm

  671. 671: maryNo Gravatar says:

    RORI!

    You look so BEAUTIFUL in all the videos! The lighting is perfect, the flowers are perfect, I love all the red! that was brilliant! and you’re just a lil doll!

    How fun. I don’t have any of your videos; just CDs. So seeing you on video after all of this is pretty wonderful.

    Thank you!

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 7:05pm

  672. 672: maryNo Gravatar says:

    wow.

    i feel really GOT by old flame.

    i think i’m gonna see him soon!

    so excited.

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 7:06pm

  673. 673: maryNo Gravatar says:

    i can’t tell you how much i’m enjoying flitting around from one date to another, now that Island Man is gone.

    Shannon!

    you have so much to look forward to!

    every guy has so much to offer.

    the first guy i went out with – i wrote him a note saying thank you for coffee, that i didn’t think we were a match – and i just wrote him back and said sorry! i’m doing things differently now. he was my first date and i think it might be fun to hang out with him. that now i’m viewing dating as something altogether different than just finding a mate. it’s about enjoying the day and being in the present, and feeling alive. what did he think?

    he was all over it!

    makes me feel so special.

    and i think he feels special, too.

    hope so!

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 7:11pm

  674. 674: maryNo Gravatar says:

    i’m dating at least three with the focus on me!

    weeeeeeeeee!

    i’m doing the program.

    and i’m feeling divaesque!

    ^

    *

    $

    #

    today.

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 7:16pm

  675. 675: maryNo Gravatar says:

    and i hope there is no trail of broken hearts in my wake. oh! i worry about that. i’m being careful. careful not to go in deep. sharing feelings, yes! getting physically intimate, no. i can’t afford it. not right now. it doesn’t feel kind to me. it asks too much sharing of the guys…

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 7:19pm

  676. 676: maryNo Gravatar says:

    okay,

    i’m off.

    to see the wizard.

    and cut off his beard, haha.

    no facial hair for me.

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 7:20pm

  677. 677: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Wow! I feel surprised and opened up reading about emailing a guy that I’m doing things differently! I feel inspired to tell men – i’m doing things THIS way – and feel secure!

    I feel ohhhh. Heart pulled no to read about men sharing too much ! Ouch that feels bad… Like sharing with
    me is not the wonderful beneficial for the world thing that it is. Like worshipping the goddess is not wonderful and healing. That being me is not a gift. These thoughts feel sad! I stand for receiving and being a gift! Quick! Stand for it! Haha. Quick! Be! Looolool

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 7:31pm

  678. 678: maryNo Gravatar says:

    but not to throw out all my precious pearls too quickly.

    just to have wisdom in the sharing…

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 7:42pm

  679. 679: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Hey! I noticed I get particularly triggered by stuf I used to do! What is the message? I don’t get ad triggered by stuff that would feel icky that I haven’t done.,, then I just feelike eh. Shrug. I’ve never done that.

    When oreads something that reminds me of my old behavioral I fe ohhh Bioko and big trigger .

    Am I judging past self? Or afraid or embarassed of past thoughts and behaviors?

    Is it fear of not having strong boundaries.
    Syne it’s cuz I revisit the times and feelings. And then I do feel huniated embarassed sad… I’m doing new behaviors and beliefs now and I feel triggered and insecure that I used other behavirs in the recent past. Ooh. I can embrace that . Ok I used to do things this way. And it felt ok and also kinda bad. Now I handle my dating life THIS way and I feel very high quality and divaish and I like that. I feel a lil insecure and also very sexy this way. And I do t want to change. I’d like a man who encourages me in this and is interested in working for me

    I feel vulnerable saying that. I feel insecure. I don’t want to accept what’s not good enough for me. I feel powerful and independent… A lil insecure a lilvulnerable. A lil bit irresistable. All that’s needed is a lil bit. I am woman. I am available to be worsipped . Yum

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 7:46pm

  680. 680: maryNo Gravatar says:

    oh!

    daria.

    no, i meant this: when guys feel like they’re sharing a woman sexually, they get all hot and bothered about it. so i don’t want that.

    i want to protect my circular dating privilege. not have all that jealousy everywhere.

    it’s just my way. maybe not tooleyway. or anyone else’s way. it’s the way i can deal with going from date to date… maybe three in a day. (oh, fun!)

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 7:47pm

  681. 681: maryNo Gravatar says:

    gotta go.

    talk later!

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 7:48pm

  682. 682: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Ohh I feel triggered. I feel angry. I feel misunderstood. I don’t want my posts responded like I am talking abt someone else when I
    talking about me. I feel angry and defensive. I feel stuck on saying why! Mmm because I feel assumed and misinterpreted about. I don’t want my beautiful feelings and processing to be assumed about. Roar. My territory I don’t want to have it talked about As if ig where about someone else.

    I feel shaky and tingly and helpless. I feel sigh and defend .

    What’s the message. Why do I feel angry that I got a response to my feelings as if they were about someone else? I feel angry! I don’t want to hear explaining. I feel angry. Mhhjr

    ohh and I feel blamed like I’m expousing no non toolyness. Hey. Everyone has a right to do non toolyness or what they wAnt. But I don’t like it. It feels bad to read and I feel shaky and scared and outraged sometimes.

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 8:08pm

  683. 683: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Ok I reread that comment. I feel retriggered. Uhoh. I am feeling concerned about men and sexual stuff. I feel pouty that I haven’t heard from security – I felt so good with him. He got mad over exclusivity apparently. I feel afraid reading thAt men get hot and bothered and then avoiding doing something because of that. That feels bad like being afraid of men… And I don’t want to feel afraid of
    men. I don’t want to feel that I owe them something. Like my sexuality. That feels bad! I feel good with a man who supports me and is co
    gotta le with commuting… And who I feel safe around even when he’s angry! I feel afraid ! That there are norm like that!! Ohh I know there arei feel afraid I font attract them cuz my dad I feel scAred around when he’s mad. Ohh. . Dear angels i am calling all angels I want this healed! I want to feel safe! Thank
    you! I give it to youike a bundle of laundry clothes from my arms! Thank you!

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 8:19pm

  684. 684: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Teddy bears have unconditional love.

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 8:34pm

  685. 685: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Hehe! I feel triggere’. Haha I feel happy! I feel smoky an blushing to feel triggered, I lobe me right Noe! Ha ha! Yeeeeeee

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 8:38pm

  686. 686: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Here are some beautiful words from a greeting card I’d like to share:

    REAL LOVE is more than beautiful flowers and sweet words,
    More than candlelight dinners or romantic walks in the park.
    Real love is understanding through the difficult times,
    Caring past the disagreements.
    It’s laughing together to keep from crying when things couldn’t seem to go more wrong.
    Real love shows compassion and compromise…
    And forgives and forgives and forgives.

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 9:10pm

  687. 687: SweetpeaNo Gravatar says:

    Brenda, re: 646 – attracted1 is the first guy I was attracted who I went out w/. We had really good conversations, I wasn’t feeling it when I met him, but thought I it was nervousness on part so stayed open-minded. Apparently he wasn’t feeling it either & called today to process that through w/ me. It was really sweet & encouraging in that I’m bringing a better class of guy to me. He endeared himself to me doing that, no doubt. Too bad there’s no attraction!

    Attracted2 is the guy who is so stepping up. He’s got me “booked” for friday night & is currently working on Saturday. I’m liking him… A lot…

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 9:14pm

  688. 688: SweetpeaNo Gravatar says:

    My therapy tonight went great! Super nice guy! Thinking of adding him to the rotation.

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 9:20pm

  689. 689: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Sweetpea…Awesome!

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 9:33pm

  690. 690: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    I am feeling all kinds of sentimental about Ry Guy again tonight. Going thru papers and found my journal from last August about things we did together, a month after he ripped my heart out. I think every cell of my body is in love with him.

    Last summer, he had his credit card statements sent to my pob, cuz his parents were angry that he got credit cards. I think the real reason he did it was to test me, to see what I’d do with his mail after he hurt me and then left my life. I mean, it’s in keeping with his style of endlessly testing me.

    An angry, unforgiving woman would throw them away or rip them up and then mail him the pieces.

    I have been mailing them to him, an average of once a month. I include nice little things with each one, like encouraging bookmarks, booklets, etc. I had misplaced one, and let him know, and finally he stopped having them sent here after he cancelled the cards. I found the missing one and tonight I packaged it up to mail it to him.

    So tonight I am adding a few CDs, cuz music is something he really enjoys. I miss him and it’s a nightly struggle to not contact him. It’s been 2 weeks since he called and left a message then didn’t call back.

    I feel sad.

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 9:41pm

  691. 691: AliciaNo Gravatar says:

    Sirens on the rock…

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W0DlW2Hbyew

    (um George Clooney is in the clip ;)) haha.. I came across this looking for greek mythology on sirens for a school project totally by accident..

    Great how they are just leaned back in the beginning and the guys eyes are popping out!

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 10:30pm

  692. 692: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    I have a question about Modern Siren.

    I have the CDs, not the DVDs. You know that part in Modern Siren in CD 2 where Rori is talking about sliding the hands with the pencil…what the heck does this look like??? She just said hold the pencil in between your fingers like this. Like what??? :-)

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 10:31pm

  693. 693: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Alicia,

    Awesome! Thanks! Loralei said there’s a song about Loralei about sirens and men crashing their boats to get to them! I never heard it.

    What is your major? Sounds like a fun project! :-)

    Tuesday, 15 June 2010 @ 10:33pm

  694. 694: SweetpeaNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you Dorothea, Brenda & Daria for all of your support tonight re: my free therapy. I don’t know if I could have done it without you Sirens. I feel so much better now.

    Wednesday, 16 June 2010 @ 1:13am

  695. 695: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    ohhh i feel triggered and excited… i want my love life to include this:

    “beautiful flowers and sweet words,
    More than candlelight dinners or romantic walks in the park”

    i used to brush this off in favor of going for the down to earth getting along well thing

    real love is more! than these things, and that means more! not less…. not missing these things

    yay

    i feel excited to desire traditional stuff
    i feel ecited to get better and better at expressing and savoring my desire

    Wednesday, 16 June 2010 @ 2:36am

  696. 696: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    yay sweetpea!

    Wednesday, 16 June 2010 @ 2:36am

  697. 697: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    oh nooo – brenda! ohhh that feels sinky and sad to think that you are not allowed to be angry, and you are sending him his credit card statements every month and now you want to add more

    ohh i feel sad

    this will push him away brenda. i feel so sad thnking of that

    ohhh another trigger of what i did in the past… feeling afraid of looking “angry and unforgiving”

    oh now i just feel sad… this stuff screams doormat to me… i feel glad i am able to not do this now

    i don’t want to be a doormat anymore THANK YOU.

    Wednesday, 16 June 2010 @ 2:40am

  698. 698: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    ohhh thats just terrible feeling. i feel so happy for rori being here. oh man. this is reminding me of some shit i did for guywhohadababy… and then i drew the line

    i feel tightened up… that i used to try so hard not to look angry or unforgiving… oh man i really used to throw myself under the bus

    i dont do that now

    so why am i trippin?

    it feels weird to see my then mindset reflected to me – why ar you showint up?

    why is this here?

    is it to show me how quickly things can change?

    im offf on thoughts of freakin worshipping guy who hada baby

    whatsup

    why is this here?

    i feel unsure if i could be with guywhohadababy now

    i feel certain i would treat myself much better

    and i feel insecure if i am ready to be that brave and that open to always communicate how im feeling… the vulnerable feelings

    for example

    right now the truth is…. this guy i met at the club… i feel impressed by his achievements – he has a college engineering degree and owns a few clubs and a mansion

    and i feel turned off that he talks about – why havent you called me… and i told him several times i feel uncomfortable

    i dont feel attracted at him at the moment… he’s not my usual type, but thats not it… its that i dont want a man that doesn’t come on strong… i feel uncomfortable initiating with men

    and i feel weird saying

    “im feeling oldfashioned”

    like rori says
    i dont think im feeling oldfashioned

    if anything its new fashioned

    and if i say im oldfashioned

    thats not really true either

    how about

    im feel much better with romantic dates…

    ok that sounds right but istnt what im tryanig to say

    i am interested in dating where a man is in charge of the romance… i dont feel good initiating with a man

    i feel insecure and icky when a man doesnt come on strong

    OOH

    i feel insecure and not good when a man doesn’t come on strong

    ok the truth is

    i feel insecure and weird when a man doesn’t come on strong or romantic

    what about saying

    i like traditional dating

    with a disclaimer cuz i seeom so non traditional

    sometiems i feel really good to be wild and independent, and when it comes to dating i like to feel more romantic and traditional right now

    Wednesday, 16 June 2010 @ 2:56am

  699. 699: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    how about just

    when it comes to dating i like to feel more romantic and traditional RIGHT NOW

    because then that fulfills my nv – but you dont look or sound like it! you sound like a laid back hang out, roundaway girl

    well yes i am. i used to prefer hang out casual dates

    and now i dont want that… i feel really happy with traditional romantic dates

    Wednesday, 16 June 2010 @ 2:58am

  700. 700: SweetpeaNo Gravatar says:

    Daria – bummer. I felt excited when you were talking about dating a guy who’s not your usual type, but then you talk about how icky it feels that he’s whining about you not calling him.

    Argh! What if you told him it would feel better to call him back rather than call him. Or something like that?

    Wednesday, 16 June 2010 @ 3:15am

  701. 701: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Sweetpea – yeah well. he’s a message that financially well of men are starting to pop into my rotation!

    Wednesday, 16 June 2010 @ 3:29am

  702. 702: SweetpeaNo Gravatar says:

    I know you’ve been resistant to that in the past. What are your thoughts now?

    Btw, I told a guy today – in response to “what do you look for in a man?” – that I look for someone who encourages my femininity. What do you think of saying something like that? Or do you just want to say, “Next!”?

    Wednesday, 16 June 2010 @ 3:45am

  703. 703: JenniferNo Gravatar says:

    My disclaimer seems to be working.
    I have received two messages on POF this week so far.
    Hmmmm…….
    One guy is leaning forward big time and asking all sorts of questions. Why does this make me nervous?
    He says that he is unlike anyone I’m likely to meet anytime soon, especially physically. I feel curious about that but also nervous. What does that mean?
    Why do men and CDing make me nervous?
    I don’t want to be nervous. I want to be confident and sexy and fearless.
    Maybe being fearless means feeling the fear and doing stuff anyway? I dunno. I just wish it would stop.
    The Abraham-Hicks recordings I bought is helping to raise my vibration I think. I feel lighter.

    Wednesday, 16 June 2010 @ 6:48am

  704. 704: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Daria,

    I appreciate your responses. I feel totally with you, wanting traditional romance with candlelight dinners, flowers, etc! The most romantic thing I ever did was write a poem with Ryan! We sat at a diner with two pieces of paper. He wrote a line of a poem on one, while I wrote a line on the other. Then we switched papers. Each time we wrote a line, we switched papers again! At the end, we both agreed that our two poems melded into one cohesive poem, which we called “Beyond Intimacy”.

    Another time he slow-danced with me in the kitchen while we were cooking spaghetti! Then he kissed me from behind on the side of the neck while my back was turned. That was the second most romantic thing I ever did.

    So, because of all that, and so much more, I continue to have a hard time letting him go, altho I am trying. On a dating level, I agree with you that I am leaning forward. But I have decided, unless he changes drastically, he is only friend material.

    Therefore, I am relating to him as a friend, solely on a spiritual level. That is, the things I included when I mailed his credit card statement this morning are all for his spiritual encouragement…a CD, a couple of articles, a bookmark, and a poem. In word, I HAVE let him go. In my heart, I am still in love with him.

    So if sending him that stuff is pushing him away, so be it. My only attachment to the outcome is that he totally gives his life to God. He’s God’s baby. I am out of the picture, unless God changes that.

    I value your feedback, tho, and I thank you for giving it so gently. I have a new CD guy, Jay, and I am going to focus my feminine energy on him and the others I am finding on my dating sites.

    Wednesday, 16 June 2010 @ 7:50am

  705. 705: maryNo Gravatar says:

    last night i had an amazing date with music man. it was our fourth date.

    we went out on his boat, which is called a pontoon, and it’s new and very, very contemporary, with glass sides that come all the way down to the ground and glass ceilings, so that you feel like you’re actually walking on the water.

    i know why he chose to do that.

    his first choice was my apartment and a bottle of wine. i said NO.

    there were beautiful leather-like seats lining the boat. very comfortable for lying down!

    not in the cards for this evening.

    we went out.

    the sun was setting.

    he put on some classical music. i went to the front, and he said “open the window,” and i slid it open and my hair blew straight out behind me. it was so cool because the rest of me wasn’t in the wind! it felt primitive, primal, earthy, watery, windy and i got very excited. i thought, “this guy is a genius.”

    and a man waved from shore.

    he said, “oh, that’s zac. he gets really lonely. let’s say hi.”

    zac showed us his still-under-construction multi-million dollar house. it was beautiful.

    then music man said, “hey! come with us to check our prawns trap!” and there was a lot of hesitation on the part of zac. everyone was reading everyone else. which was fascinating.

    finally zac said okay because he really wanted to go with us! i knew music man wanted to be with me only, but he didn’t let on.

    we had a fabulous evening. we got the prawns, cleaned them on zac’s dock, steamed them and ate them! along with a sweet potato.

    then we said goodbye. it was midnight. and we headed back to the parking lot where we rendezvoused.

    then we sat and talked! he said wise things about everything. a very thoughtful person, and that was a surprise because he’s so good with people and so personable. those two things don’t often go together.

    he told me that since he met me he’s been mesmerized and can’t go out with anyone else. was i a player girl?

    oh. guilt.

    i’m so out of my element with circular dating.

    i said no. i’m not a player girl. i’m trying things out in a new way because i don’t want to repeat past mistakes.

    we talked and talked.

    i loved this kind of talking. way different from man in the woods.

    then said goodbye.

    he said, “this was the perfect date.”

    mmmmmm.

    music man.

    Wednesday, 16 June 2010 @ 9:09am

  706. 706: maryNo Gravatar says:

    i feel guilty when music man said he was only going out with me.

    i must think of it this way:

    “it’s his choice to do that. i must circular date.”

    must i?

    okay.

    yes. i must!

    it makes sense. it’s so hard for the guy. and there is that fear of losing him.

    last night music man said, “soooo… you’re still leaving on friday?”

    i said, “no, now i’m gonna leave on monday.”

    he said “why?”

    and i told him that i was helping a friend who was gonna have a hernia operation.

    he said, “a girl friend?”

    i said no, it was a guy.

    long pause.

    he looked around.

    he said, “so you’re gonna take him there, and take him home.” … pause … “maybe cook something for him, is that right?”

    “yes.”

    “and you know this guy better than you know me?”

    “yes.”

    RIGHT HERE, SIRENS.

    THIS IS THE TROUBLE SPOT.

    i wanted to leap over and take care of his feelings.

    “stay where you are, Mary! he’s an adult and if he doesn’t like what you’re doing, he can take his toys and go home!!!”

    LAST NIGHT I JUST WAITED.

    and then we started talking about something else.

    Wednesday, 16 June 2010 @ 9:23am

  707. 707: dorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    Yay sweetpea! Thank you for taking such good care of yourself with your bravery and commitment to healing!

    You inspired me to tell my LI about some sexual trauma that has basically put a halt to our sex life. Neither of us has spoken about the lack of sex in a MONTH. He hasn’t brought it up and it’s been like a gorilla in the room. At first I felt angry toward him because he wasn’t “making it happen” and being somewhat coy and physically slow moving (he takes his time touching me). But I realized I wanted him to be aggressive and get down to business quickly because I didn’t like being given time to feel and think. And feel uncomfortable being in the moment.

    So I didn’t want to have sex. And he didn’t push it but it’s been a month since we’ve slept together and now when we’re cuddling I can sense ulterior longing from him and it makes me feel ANGRY and pressured even though he doesn’t say a thing, so I brought up the lack of sex today as he was rubbing my feet (hehehe yum).

    so as part of the discussion he willingly let me open about sex, I told him about some past sexual trauma that he needed to know about but I was never brave enough to tell him, and it made him cry, and I was already crying so hard, and now I want to cry again, and I can’t think straight I Just feel nauseous and I wish I never said anything because this feels intense and i’M TIRED OF FEELING ANYTHING.

    well originally i was just thanking sweetpea and i felt inspired by her to be brave so i am glad.

    but shoooot, this feels intense and I am over it. ack.

    i feel scared that one day he is going to look at me and say “you got issues. you should really talk to someone about that.” i DREAD hearing this. the only people who have ever said this to me were hurting me themselves and wanted to blame it on my “issues” (i mean, they were hitting me and choking me).

    Wednesday, 16 June 2010 @ 9:39am

  708. 708: SienaNo Gravatar says:

    So I’m starting to fall for #1CD, and it’s freaking me out! I’m still CDing (have a date with #2CD tonight), but I’m starting to second guess everything I do with #1CD.

    I understand the preliminary stuff – the leaning back and letting him come to me. But I feel confused about the next steps. I mean, once we’re seeing each other regularly and he’s expressed verbally and through action that he’s clearly into me and is excited to move forward with me – do I EVER email or text him first? Especially if he’s asked me to?

    There are times when I want to share something with him, or to follow up on something that we were talking about earlier. I don’t ask him out – I’ll let him lead that part forever – but can I share stuff with him without it being a turnoff?

    I feel afraid to do that because I don’t want to chase him away, but it feels natural to sometimes reach out.

    And I know not to get in touch with him to fill the space if he hasn’t gotten in touch with me – that’s not what I’m talking about. I’m talking about when the vibe is that we’re close, he’s not retreating, things are really good, and I’m just sharing something. Is that okay? (I feel like I’m in Jr. Highschool!)

    Wednesday, 16 June 2010 @ 9:40am

  709. 709: SienaNo Gravatar says:

    Dorothea, hugs girl! I don’t have anything to say on what you wrote except that you sound beautiful and strong, and perhaps feeling those feelings intensely will lessen them for you so that, although they may never go away completely, they won’t always be so intense. Love to you!

    Wednesday, 16 June 2010 @ 9:43am

  710. 710: Simply ShannonNo Gravatar says:

    Mary!! I feel shouting from the rooftops happy reading your post! Brava!!

    Wednesday, 16 June 2010 @ 9:44am

  711. 711: maryNo Gravatar says:

    ABOUT WHO PAYS:

    music man told me last night that he went out with this fantastically gorgeous girl, and by the third date, she had not offered to pay, so he never asked her out again.

    he said that on the second date, i pulled out my purse and said, “oh! let me help with this,” and he i put a $20 on the table.” he said he appreciated that so much and was intrigued. and then he gave me the women’s libbers speech.

    so that’s a bit what i’m finding across the board. men are wanting to find women who can be partners.

    they have expectations of equality.

    all of the tools and the newsletters and the posts are helping to guide us into traditional masculine/feminine roles.

    the way i handled it last night was to get drawn into that discussion.

    i don’t think i’ll do that again. i think that next time i’m gonna ignore that discussion.

    i’ll use my intuition and feel my way through, like i must have done when i whipped out my $20. i didn’t even remember doing that, but it impressed him.

    (by the way, i only paid for myself once or twice with Island Man. i was gonna wait until we were on a better date, and then offer to pay, but it never happened. it was sooooooo awkward.)

    the whole thing is always very awkward for me.

    i know what Rori says.

    i’m trying to find what works for me in this situation where i live, and who i want to be, and how i want to be perceived, and what i want ultimately… so i’m experimenting a bit.

    like alias girl experimented with calling guys or emailing them first.

    does anyone else feel awkward when the check is presented?

    Wednesday, 16 June 2010 @ 9:57am

  712. 712: maryNo Gravatar says:

    oh! Shannon!

    thank you. wow.

    Wednesday, 16 June 2010 @ 9:59am

  713. 713: Simply ShannonNo Gravatar says:

    Siena: Maybe try it as an experiment and see what happens. See how it feels. I’d like to believe that one email or text message isn’t going to make or break a relationship. BUT if it feels that way, then best not to do it, right? I mean, if the thought of doing it has me feeling freaked out then I won’t do it.

    Wednesday, 16 June 2010 @ 10:02am

  714. 714: SienaNo Gravatar says:

    Mary, your question feels very interesting to me.

    I have fretted about the check on the table a lot in the past, until I had the feeling convo with #1CD about it (I told that earlier).

    And I hear you about the equality thing. But I wonder if sometimes what we (or they) say and what actually happens is different.

    I’m dealing with this right now. #1CD told me that he’d like me to email him sometimes during the week. And I heard that and understand that he wants me to do that. But I wonder if it’s good for US to do that. I mean, even though he SAYS he would like that, would his attraction wain if I do?

    Same with the whole equality question. Although a man might SAY he wants equality, might he be more attracted to a woman who allows him to row the boat totally?

    I’d really love to hear Rori weigh in on this, because it’s something that I don’t quite understand. Where is the line between doing/being what a man asks for, and maintaining the Siren-way?

    Rori, I hope you read this!!

    Wednesday, 16 June 2010 @ 10:06am

  715. 715: SienaNo Gravatar says:

    Shannon, I have emailed him, and he replied with more and better than I sent, and thanked me for it and told me that it “made his day”. (He’s a total sweetheart)

    But (see my #707 post), I worry that what he THINKS is good for him isn’t actually (haha, how’s that for being in my head!?)

    Wednesday, 16 June 2010 @ 10:08am

  716. 716: dorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    figuring out paying feels sucky

    i don’t really ever want to do it.

    not because i am stingy with my money (i’m not) but I am stingy with my energy. Probably from reading so much rori stuff, I feel resentful if I pay. It feels wrong to me.

    One way I have handled it is, instead of paying, openly expressing how handling the paying when the check comes feels to me. So I have said, “you know…I usually feel pretty awkward when the check comes…I feel very uncomfortable and icky paying on dates…it feels like i’m paying to be courted and I don’t want that. At the same time I feel uncomfortable not offering to pitch in because I don’t want to be misunderstood as a gold digger or like i don’t have respect for a man’s wallet, which feels icky too. What do you think?”

    usually the conversation blossoms from there. so he’ll be like “well i don’t want to pay for nice dinners EVERY TIME.” which in my opinion is VERY REASONABLE to dislike. So then I try to tell them that I feel really excited and impressed when men plan dates that don’t cost a whole lot but still feel really fun or interesting. Nice dinners feel nice and yummy but i would feel bored to tears anyway if that’s all he ever wanted to show me. lol.

    i just try to make it clear that i’m not paying for sh*t. lol

    Wednesday, 16 June 2010 @ 10:08am

  717. 717: Simply ShannonNo Gravatar says:

    Mary, how did it make you feel to put that $20 on the table? I understand how complicated this feels. I do the exact same thing.

    When I pay, the only person feeling better is the guy. Cuz when I pay I feel yucky. It’s like I just slid that guy over into Friend-ville. I feel worthless/ unworthy. When a guy pays and doesn’t even question it, I feel loved and cared for and special. AND uncomfortable at the same time because I believe I need to pay him back to make it even.

    Blech. I feel turned off just discussing this.

    Wednesday, 16 June 2010 @ 10:13am

  718. 718: SienaNo Gravatar says:

    hmmm, okay – processing this still.

    Rori’s script from her teleclass regarding who pays was something like,

    “I feel icky about the whole question of who pays for dates. I don’t want to worry about it, so I’d feel really good if you just told me when you’d like me to pay for something, and I’ll do it.”

    So if I take that script and apply it to emailing, I get the same thing. I don’t want to be the one who’s doing the pursuing through emailing (or in any way), it feels icky. But if you tell me when you’d like me to email, I’ll do it.

    So if he told me he’d like me to email him, and I’m following Rori’s script, then it’s all good if I email him.

    Man! I know I’m overthinking this, and I’m feeling annoyed at myself. But I’m just trying to work through it.

    What do you Sirens think? Is my processing right?

    Wednesday, 16 June 2010 @ 10:16am

  719. 719: Simply ShannonNo Gravatar says:

    Well… if I’m not thinking about the man unless he’s in front of me, then I’m not thinking I need to email him…

    Wednesday, 16 June 2010 @ 10:18am

  720. 720: Simply ShannonNo Gravatar says:

    In that case, he’d have to email me first to tell me to email him. :-)

    Wednesday, 16 June 2010 @ 10:19am

  721. 721: maryNo Gravatar says:

    Shannon,

    For me this is the hardest part of dating. I feel blech too.

    Because I want it to be be normal and natural for the guy to pay. Tonite I’ll go out with Bridge Builder and he’ll pay. I already know that going in. We’re gonna meet at a restaurant that has a fancy side, and a pub side, and I suggested the pub side for that reason. It’ll be so easy to let him pay.

    And I don’t have that many feelings about him. Kinda NOT about him.

    yeah. I sensed that the $20 was necessary for Music Man, and I didn’t like it, but I paid it. But then I didn’t even remember it, eh? So it must not have bugged me that much…

    I’m confused about it.

    It’s like trying to teach a whole generation of men a new way, when they think they’re doing it the new way.

    and like i said, i’m not a teacher.

    Wednesday, 16 June 2010 @ 10:20am

  722. 722: SienaNo Gravatar says:

    true Shannon. But he DID tell me he’d like me to email him first sometimes during the week… that it’s important to him. Do I just ignore that? It feels bad to ignore it. :-(

    Wednesday, 16 June 2010 @ 10:21am

  723. 723: Simply ShannonNo Gravatar says:

    Mary, I feel weird that Music Man wouldn’t take out a “fantastically gorgeous girl” because she didn’t pay. I feel skeptical about that. There HAD to have been other stuff he didn’t like. That feels false to me and intimidating in a way.

    Wednesday, 16 June 2010 @ 10:21am

  724. 724: SienaNo Gravatar says:

    okay, I’m feeling really annoyed at myself because I’m up in my head about this, and going around and around about it. I don’t want to “figure it out” because THAT feels un-Sirenlike. And I get annoyed at others when I see them do that, so I’ll stop.

    But I’d still like to hear Rori weight in about it.

    Wednesday, 16 June 2010 @ 10:23am

  725. 725: Simply ShannonNo Gravatar says:

    Siena: My words to him: I feel weird emailing you. I know you’ve asked me to do it but I feel uncomfortable. I don’t know when. I don’t know how often. Ackkkk. I feel overwhelmed and silly thinking about it. What do you think?

    Wednesday, 16 June 2010 @ 10:24am

  726. 726: maryNo Gravatar says:

    hmmmm, Siena.

    asking a guy to tell me when and where to do something feels yucky to me. but i do like Rori’s VERY COURAGEOUS way of talking about whatever! and in my experience, guys really, really like to discuss real subjects and tangible things.

    last night i told the guy this:

    “my dad was wonderful. i have three brothers and they’re amazing. i feel so fortunate to have a natural respect and admiration for men. it’s always been that way for me. and when a man pays, it just feels normal and right. when he doesn’t, or when he wants me to pay, it feels like he’s removing his protection from me. he’s saying ‘she’s on her own.’” and it causes me to think about it a lot.

    but today, looking back on saying that, i feel that it was a bit useless.

    i’m trying to think of something better to say.

    Wednesday, 16 June 2010 @ 10:24am

  727. 727: Simply ShannonNo Gravatar says:

    Hehe! Siena, we were thinking the same thing at the same time. LOL!

    Wednesday, 16 June 2010 @ 10:25am

  728. 728: maryNo Gravatar says:

    Shannon, i thought the same thing as he was saying it! Maybe he was giving me that story in order to encourage me to keep paying?

    Wednesday, 16 June 2010 @ 10:25am

  729. 729: maryNo Gravatar says:

    when i saw Old Flame briefly in the fall, it was easy. he just paid for everything. but i suggested that we do one of the tourist attractions, and i said, “no! this was my idea!” – and i also had a member card there… so i paid for that. he paid for everything else.

    easy as pie.

    Wednesday, 16 June 2010 @ 10:28am

  730. 730: SienaNo Gravatar says:

    Shannon, yes, it’s time to talk to him about it in that way. Good call!

    Mary, I like what you said! But it feels unfinished to me … like it will still be a question (like my whole email thing).

    I love it when a guy tells me what to do because he’s rowing the boat. I actually find it extremely sexy. But I also know that not every woman feels that way. Is there a way you can say it so that you don’t feel uncomfortable, but also don’t ever have to think about it again?

    Wednesday, 16 June 2010 @ 10:29am

  731. 731: dorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    Siena, this situation about email is so confusing to me. i wouldn’t even know what to do at all! i don’t think i would want to email either.

    once upon a time i would have but now rori is under my skin and i don’t like leaning forward.

    i had a bit of a break through last night. My LI didn’t contact me for the 5 days he was out of town and when he got back i was so angry and it turned into a huge fight. but we “made up” and are spending time together again. i still feel angry.

    yesterday, almost on automatic pilot, i said i am making italian sausage sandwiches for dinner…i shoudl make one for him too. and he was very excited. so i went home and started texting him about if he could make a side if i brought the food over to his house… i was feeling resentful of making him this nice meal and didn’t want to have all the work. so i thought i would feel better if he handled some of it. and he was very happy to pitch in.

    until finally i had my breakthrough. i didn’t want to cook for him. i was mad. i didn’t want to drive to him. i was mad. he made me feel second-rate and unimportant not calling and then fighting with me about it, and here i was running around trying to cook for him AND deliver it to his door step. the only reason i was trying to do this in the first place was to impress him. to make him like something i did so he would like me better.. i wanted to impress him so he wouldn’t want to hurt me again. i was overfunctioning to the max. i txtd him “i am feeling weird about cooking for u n i don’t think i feel good doing it right now.” he said that’s ok no worries. then he took me out for food.

    i am now leaning back and letting him pick up his own damn slack. i love doing things differently than how i used to. it feels scary to not row the boat when things are going badly. to want to be loving and giving when you are feeling icky in a relationship because you want to “show” him you are so worth good treatment cuz you’re so loving and giving. yuck. i feel much better just being OK with my mad feelings.

    Wednesday, 16 June 2010 @ 10:30am

  732. 732: maryNo Gravatar says:

    for me, making an issue of it now, here on the blog, and being in our heads about it now is so helpful. when i have things worked out in my head, and they make sense there, i can just naturally do them when i’m on the date.

    i’m finding that on all my dates. things are coming naturally for me because i’ve done a lot of pre-thinking about them.

    i feel sorry for all those women who are just flying by the seat of their pants!

    dating is the most crucial thing in my world. because a man can rock my whole world like nothing else. no amount of doing personal hobbies, time with family, deep sharing with girlfriends or success at work can compare.

    a man is a man is a man is a man.

    though i’m beginning to see that i don’t NEED one.

    i still feel thrilled and alive in the company of a man.

    Wednesday, 16 June 2010 @ 10:32am

  733. 733: maryNo Gravatar says:

    on another note:

    i’m going for a month to help my daughter who’s very pregnant. soon i’ll have a little tiny baby girl in my arms! i can’t wait.

    and the time away is gonna be so great for reflection, for regrouping and just thinking about things.

    and since i started scattershot dating many men at once, i’m at about the third date with all of them. good time to call TIME OUT!

    actually, it’s perfect timing.

    for another reason, too. Old Flame is 30 days from the possibility of divorce. legally.

    i know, i know! people say he won’t be ready for another five years, or one year, or six months or whatever.

    this guy has been grieving the loss of his marriage while fighting for it for years and years.

    i’ll probably start going out with him right away.

    so wow.

    it’s gonna be really interesting from this point forward! all my issues about sex are gonna come right up on the top. and all my issues about everything else are gonna do that, too.

    i’m so thankful for all that i’ve learned from everyone here! and from you, Rori!

    thank you all so much.

    Wednesday, 16 June 2010 @ 10:46am

  734. 734: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Siena,

    I forget which program, but I heard Rori say that the only time you intiate contact is when you feel totally secure in his love and have no question whether it will be well-received.

    I believe your case is one of these times! He ASKED you to! You WANT to! That feels very secure!

    How do you feel about that?

    Wednesday, 16 June 2010 @ 10:50am

  735. 735: maryNo Gravatar says:

    “don’t marry anyone until you could marry anyone.” i keep thinking about this thing that my friend said.

    i could have seen myself with Island Man. and he might not be completely gone.

    i could see myself with Music Man.

    i could picture myself with Man in the Woods (sometimes.)

    I could easily see myself with Old Flame.

    and in each of these cases, my life would take a huge, different spin.

    so many things to think about: friends, money, sexual preferences, day-to-day living, arguments or not, etc.

    that’s something i like about circular dating. it’s allowing me to compare all these different things and see how they vary from person to person.

    it’s so extremely interesting, isn’t it?

    Wednesday, 16 June 2010 @ 10:52am

  736. 736: dorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    i forgot rori had said that about when it’s “ok” to initiate contact.

    i feel like i could go my whole life with one man without ever initiating. but then again, this could just be cause rori haunts me with this leaning back stuff. i feel totally scrambled doing anything but leaning back most of the time.

    EXCEPT when things are tense. then i want to fix everything.

    Wednesday, 16 June 2010 @ 10:57am

  737. 737: maryNo Gravatar says:

    #707

    Siena,

    pardon me for not responding about this earlier. i was thinking at light speed about all these other things.

    if i got an email like that, i’d view it as an invitation, and i would shoot one or two emails over during the week, just as he asked.

    they would be intermittent! haha.

    they would be one-liners.

    they’d not reference anything about the relationship. just beautiful words describing wonderful things about him. short and sweet!

    like this:

    “today, when i was transferring the clothes from the washer to the dryer, i suddenly thought about the way you roll up the sleeves of your shirt on a hot day. i love the way that looks on you…”

    Wednesday, 16 June 2010 @ 11:01am

  738. 738: maryNo Gravatar says:

    okay, maybe they’d be three-liners.

    Wednesday, 16 June 2010 @ 11:02am

  739. 739: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Mary,

    I feel impressed with the quality of your feeling messages!!! I especially liked this part:

    i feel so fortunate to have a natural respect and admiration for men. it’s always been that way for me. and when a man pays, it just feels normal and right. when he doesn’t, or when he wants me to pay, it feels like he’s removing his protection from me. he’s saying ’she’s on her own.’” and it causes me to think about it a lot.”

    That date on the glass pontoon sounds sooo awesome! I’m happy for you!

    Wednesday, 16 June 2010 @ 11:08am

  740. 740: dorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    siena, how about emailing him extremely gross and personal stuff about your feminine cycle and hygiene, or perhaps your digestive track and bowel movements, until he no longer desires emails from you?

    “Hey Handsome…I am feeling a little down today… I can’t seem to complete a bowel movement. And yesterday I had diarrhea. What a 180 my colon is doing!!!”

    hehehehe

    Wednesday, 16 June 2010 @ 11:09am

  741. 741: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    This conversation on who pays reminds me of the time I was at a family reunion. I hadn’t seen a lot of these people in 20-30 years, when we were all children! After the main picnic, later all the cousins went out for dinner at a nice restaurant.

    I felt astounded and impressed when my cousin from Alaska, who I hadn’t seen since I was 5, pulled out his credit card and handed it to the server just as all of us were started to divide up the bill and pull out our money. Ever since then, maybe 15 yrs ago, I feel impressed with people who value relationships more than money. Last year this cousin’s brother paid when my Mom and I went out with him. I like that.

    Then I’ve been with men who himmm and hawwww about “Why does the man always have to pay? I got bills, too!” On the one hand I understand, but you’re right…it feels yucky. When a man does that, I pay my share. But only because it feels even yuckier to me to allow a man to pay when I know his heart’s not in it.

    Wednesday, 16 June 2010 @ 11:12am

  742. 742: maryNo Gravatar says:

    thank you Brenda!

    Wednesday, 16 June 2010 @ 11:13am

  743. 743: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Dorothea,

    LOL! I am literally laughing out loud…AT WORK!!! They’re gonna know I’m not working! My job is too boring to laff at any of the documents I handle!!

    Wednesday, 16 June 2010 @ 11:15am

  744. 744: maryNo Gravatar says:

    another thing about WHO PAYS:

    i feel negative when i have a discussion about this with a guy because… to discuss it feels like i’m trying to control it.

    if he wants me to pay, and i sense that, i just whip out my money and do it. no problem.

    i don’t try to CHANGE HIM. make him into guy who pays. make him see the error of his ways.

    i just MAKE A NOTE OF IT.

    i like guys who pay.

    R always paid. and then, when we were exclusively BF GF, i gave him a lump of money here and there to help with “my part.” and he continued to pay. that worked for us!

    i’m just trying to figure out my deal breakers at this point.

    i’m not sure that having to pay half on a third or fourth date is a deal breaker.

    not sure though! still working it through…

    Wednesday, 16 June 2010 @ 11:16am

  745. 745: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    When I was with Ryan, the way I saw it is he is on disability…he can’t help it. So I paid most of the time, and sometimes I would hand him a $20 or whatever before we got out of the car, so he could “pay”. I know it really worked at his self-esteem to not be able to pay. I could see it and sense it all over him. He accepted, too, when I did that, which confirmed my feeling.

    It also added another dimension of yuckiness, cuz then I was the only one who could initiate an activity that cost, like a fancy restaurant or a shore trip. It tipped the balance of the energy from the door. But I feel right about not excluding a man just cuz he’s on disability.

    Wednesday, 16 June 2010 @ 11:19am

  746. 746: maryNo Gravatar says:

    yes, Brenda.

    it’s simply something to consider. all the externals about a guy – his financial situation, his health, the way he presents himself, the way he gets along with others, the relationships he has with family – are all part of it.

    what a big pie with lots of pieces. intricate and delicate, and…

    on the third and fourth dates, i’m still just skimming the surface!

    i hope these guys stick with me so i can get to know them better.

    and what a privilege to be getting to know them.

    Wednesday, 16 June 2010 @ 11:25am

  747. 747: Simply ShannonNo Gravatar says:

    BRENDA: “But only because it feels even yuckier to me to allow a man to pay when I know his heart’s not in it.”

    That’s IT!!! I believe he doesn’t like me (ala his heart’s not in it) and therefore he doesn’t want to pay.

    THAT’s why it feels yucky to me.

    I’m still not clear what words I would use but this is MORE the reason why I don’t like paying. It’s not really about being romanced as it is a clear sign that he’s digging me.

    Wednesday, 16 June 2010 @ 11:25am

  748. 748: maryNo Gravatar says:

    talk to you later!

    Wednesday, 16 June 2010 @ 11:26am

  749. 749: maryNo Gravatar says:

    oh, Shannon.

    that make me feel terrible about Island Man. when we were out, he wanted to pay for my lunch because he rode with me on the ferry, and i took him to a bookstore, and i said, “no, you’ve paid for everything so far…” and i went up to the counter and ordered a sandwich for myself and paid for it! i should have offered then to pay for his, but for some reason i didn’t! it’s that respect thing.

    he was a bit surprised, but he blew it off. he has a lot of manners.

    i just didn’t do enough thinking around this and i was there, on the spot, just grabbing at the best thing to do…

    might have been a dealbreaker for him?

    but hey, if it was, that would break the deal for me.

    Wednesday, 16 June 2010 @ 11:29am

  750. 750: maryNo Gravatar says:

    or who knows.

    i feel embarrassed about it.

    it was the perfect moment to say, “no, it’s my turn.”

    wow.

    and yes, it does feel like HE’S INTO ME when he grabs the check.

    R did that so well. makes me turn ON just to think about him doing that.

    Wednesday, 16 June 2010 @ 11:31am

  751. 751: SienaNo Gravatar says:

    Dorothea #733, LOL! Totally hilarious! And the funny thing is, I call him handsome, so it totally fits!

    Thank you Bren and Mary too. I feel confident about this now. My instinct was to email him intermittently because he had asked me to, but I don’t really trust my instinct so much where men are concerned, so it feels good to hear Rori’s take on it.

    …and Mary, I love the imagery you used about the washer/dryer. Can I steal that? Does it even have to be true? Maybe I should go do some laundry so it CAN be true.

    Thanks Sirens!

    Wednesday, 16 June 2010 @ 11:33am

  752. 752: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Shannon,

    Good point! I think you’re right…what comes to mind is a date I had in New York City about 15 yrs ago, when I was still slender but starting to get chubby, about 15 lbs overweight.

    I was wearing my “Marilyn Monroe” dress…white cotton with a full skirt, bare back except criss-cross straps, and fitted front with a gold and blue anchor! It was starting to get tight.

    Arthur flew in from Oregon (3000 miles) for a one week course and I rode in 3 hrs by train to meet him. I was all excited, but I could tell by his body language and words that he wasn’t thrilled to see me chubby. The last time he had seen me I was slender.

    He was an accountant, and he commented that he gets sick of women always expecting him to pay just cuz he’s an accountant. They thot he was rich. But he told me he was really struggling. I felt obligated, and I paid about half throughout the evening (he paid some stuff and I paid some stuff).

    We had some sour phone contact after that, but it was the last time I saw him after about a 5 year long distance thing. In short, he wasn’t that into me.

    Wednesday, 16 June 2010 @ 11:36am

  753. 753: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Siena,

    You’re welcome! I really liked that about the washer and dryer too! It’s amazing how we can turn every day activities into yummy feeling messages!

    Wednesday, 16 June 2010 @ 11:39am

  754. 754: tinqueNo Gravatar says:

    Mary – “i know, i know! people say he won’t be ready for another five years, or one year, or six months or whatever.”

    This is not necessarily so. If Old Flame has been emotionally detached for awhile, the waiting period is not always a given or needed.
    I was already living with K while waiting for my divorce to be finalized. We got together only two weeks after I had left the ex.
    Yes I had things inside to work through, but there was no grieving period, none, zero, zip. More of a celebration.
    So as I’ve said from the beginning, GO FOR IT. Yay.
    xxoo

    Wednesday, 16 June 2010 @ 11:58am

  755. 755: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Tinque,

    I was just thinking about you! You rock!

    Wednesday, 16 June 2010 @ 12:03pm

  756. 756: Orna WaltersNo Gravatar says:

    Hello Beautiful Goddesses!

    I’ve been thinking about all of you and I just had to put in my two cents on this post.

    I used to do this exact behavior. Reading through Victoria’s words I can look back at my past and I completely get where she is emotionally.

    I can also relate word for word to what Rori is saying as getting my clients to CD (what I call “Date to Discover”) is often a struggle.

    All I can say is that the reward is HUGE! Changing our behavior is HARD WORK – one of the most difficult things to do! So know that, know that it will FEEL uncomfortable. Know that you will WANT to make the calls and send the texts and emails and DO NOT. You are the master of you. Simply don’t act on those feelings.

    Come from a place of gratitude. Be thankful for the cute guy who asked for your number -whether or not he ever calls – it feels good to know he showed up in your world, for that moment.

    Most importantly say nice things to yourself (for me when I start with being grateful – I stay out of the negative self talk). So instead of dissecting why or why not _____________ – just say nice things.

    I LOVE AND APPROVE AND ACCEPT MYSELF!

    When you say this to yourself all day long, the world will respond in kind.

    Big Hug,
    Orna

    Wednesday, 16 June 2010 @ 12:15pm

  757. 757: maryNo Gravatar says:

    awwwww Tinque!

    I love you!

    Wednesday, 16 June 2010 @ 12:37pm

  758. 758: maryNo Gravatar says:

    so Orna, you’re saying that Siena SHOULDN’T email him? at all?

    i’m wondering because Music Man asked if he could see me again before i go. i told him i’d check my schedule. and he said, “and then please call me.” and he looked at me with purpose.

    it’s really, really important to him that i call him sometimes.

    Wednesday, 16 June 2010 @ 12:39pm

  759. 759: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Mary – I feel triggered by music man. /It sounds like he’s trying to control you and have YOU step up.

    Yuck. I feel turned off by men like that… this is how Club Owner has behaved and I feel so turned off.

    The “gorgeous girl” who didn’t pay story, sounds like a “threat” it reminds me of what Rori said about teh man who tells the story of “she cheated on me”

    to give the gf a psychological threat to be “true blue”

    without his commitment

    I feel like I’m becoming pickier with men, and I feel afraid that men won’t be able to measure up… at least not the ones i meet…

    i love my fear

    I DESIRE AND AM OPEN TO MANY MEN WHO DO MEASURE UP

    I feel scared sometime sharing my feeling in the moment now…

    Wednesday, 16 June 2010 @ 12:53pm

  760. 760: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    If I were dating music man, I would wait for his call, and I would say, I feel so great on our dates, and something feels uncomfortable to me… I know we have talked about equality, and to me this is a mental thing. I feel turned off by it when it comes to dating… I feel so much more special in a traditional role… and I feel a little afraid to be judged for this… this feels so uncomfortable to talk about… what do you think?

    Wednesday, 16 June 2010 @ 12:56pm

  761. 761: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    I feel so triggered when men even just Say I want 50 50.

    That used to be what i wanted in the past

    but now

    I want 110%

    to 0%

    like the 110% dives into the black feminine hole that is me

    I can do more than meet u half way… I can be the one to take you all in

    Wednesday, 16 June 2010 @ 12:58pm

  762. 762: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    So what do I say…

    oh I feel so triggered when people say they want 50 50, and I feel understanding because I used to want that too?

    hmmm

    scripting?

    Wednesday, 16 June 2010 @ 12:59pm

  763. 763: Orna WaltersNo Gravatar says:

    Mary,

    I think its perfectly okay when you are dating someone to call, text & email and even to initiate that conversation – BUT ONLY with purpose. With a specific intention to ask a question, etc – not to just “check in.” Let the guy check in with you. If they like you – they will initiate.

    Its the obsessive emotional piece that is unhealthy – not the action.

    The tool Rori has of leaning back is something I never felt safe doing until my relationship with my husband. I didn’t even know I was using a “tool” – I just felt confident in this relationship, I trust him, I feel safe – so I naturally give him space, organically.

    So its the “chasing after” a guy – which Rori addresses in this post that I was referring to. When we sit back and allow ourselves to be Sirens – the right man will show up.

    Certainly in a relationship – be it dating, exclusively or not – if your man said “Let me know about Friday” or “Call me when you know your schedule” and you don’t call he can feel rejected. So honor your word and communicate honestly. If you prefer he contact you it is extremely important that you communicate that to him.

    Ultimately we teach people how to treat us. This is true of all of our relationships. So teach your man at the beginning what works best for you.

    Big Hug,
    Orna

    Wednesday, 16 June 2010 @ 12:59pm

  764. 764: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    this is what I wrote last nite, after I had gone to bed.

    I’m looking for the kind of man

    who knows that spending money on me aint trickin – tho spending it on someone else might be

    who sees right through me from the very start – and likes what he sees

    who’d rather put himself in danger than chance to lose me

    who speaks to me with respect when he’s angry – no matter what his past behavior could be

    who goes out of his way to do romantic stuff because life is not about the everyday (**edit)

    who does what he says he will, and when he can’t keeps it real

    who treats me as his equal as a person and as a goddess as his woman

    who uses his wisdom to free himself and guides me when he can

    who looks up to me and praises me from a position of power and not of looking down on himself

    who gets that mixing our blood means more than us

    who listens for my feelings and then decides

    who pleases me so much I want to please him

    who is firmly in love with me forever and knows he’s found his woman

    Wednesday, 16 June 2010 @ 1:06pm

  765. 765: Orna WaltersNo Gravatar says:

    Hello BEAUTIFUL Daria,

    I hear you! I worried too that I was too picky. . . that’s just fear. It’s soooooo important to BE PICKY!!! Be as picky as you like! I know that I have everything I wanted and more – yes, its true! If I can do it, you can too! I know this to be true!

    You can have EVERY SINGLE thing you desire from a man – all in one man, all in one relationship.

    Now that doesn’t mean you won’t disagree, or have some conflicts, and truth be told you will disappoint one another from time to time – because we are all spirit having a physical experience. In this 3D world we live in we are perfectly IMPERFECT. So we mess up and what is on the other side of that with a Soul Mate is a better, stronger relationship. One built on True Intimacy.

    It is not only possible, I believe that it is probable. If you really, truly want it, you can create it. <3

    Big Hug,
    Orna

    Wednesday, 16 June 2010 @ 1:09pm

  766. 766: Simply ShannonNo Gravatar says:

    :-) Hehe! Don’t tell anyone but… I think 50/ 50 is a LIE!

    I don’t want 50/50. Anyone else want 50/50?

    Heck no. I want it ALL. 100%.

    Who doesn’t? Really be honest here.

    I feel amused at myself. At first I got that same trigger feeling too and then I felt amused.

    I want my cake AND to eat it too. Why the hell would I want cake if I can’t eat it!?! :-)

    Oh I feel amused!

    Wednesday, 16 June 2010 @ 1:11pm

  767. 767: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    YAY Orna! Thank You!

    Wednesday, 16 June 2010 @ 1:11pm

  768. 768: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Shannon yay!

    Ok how are you going to communicate this Shannon?

    like when a man says he wants 50 50

    Wednesday, 16 June 2010 @ 1:17pm

  769. 769: maryNo Gravatar says:

    753: Daria, you said:

    “If I were dating music man, I would wait for his call, and I would say, I feel so great on our dates, and something feels uncomfortable to me… I know we have talked about equality, and to me this is a mental thing. I feel turned off by it when it comes to dating… I feel so much more special in a traditional role… and I feel a little afraid to be judged for this… this feels so uncomfortable to talk about… what do you think?”

    I love this. I’m gonna wait for him to call. And this is what I’m gonna say.

    Thank you Daria.

    with Love,

    Mary

    Wednesday, 16 June 2010 @ 1:25pm

  770. 770: Simply ShannonNo Gravatar says:

    I’d say:

    I feel amused. I don’t want 50/50. I want my cake AND to eat it too. Why the hell would I want cake if I can’t eat it!?!

    But seriously, what does 50/50 mean to you? What does that look like?

    Tra. la. la. :-)

    Wednesday, 16 June 2010 @ 1:36pm

  771. 771: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Oh Mary I feel shaky and scared!!! I would want to say that… in fact i’ll probably get a chance to! but I feel scared!

    and also… I already feel turned off by that guy…

    so I feel a lil confused now

    Wednesday, 16 June 2010 @ 1:36pm

  772. 772: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    club owner guy

    he asked me in the club… wow you like ghetto clubs huh (the first one was his! and the second one is the most common club in this downtown city — its not even ghetto! and HE was there!)

    im not gonna fall in love with some crazy ghetto chick am i?

    i looked in his eyes and said “maybe” hehe and i twinkled my eyes

    haha

    i felt weird

    i accused him of stalking me

    lol

    Wednesday, 16 June 2010 @ 1:38pm

  773. 773: Simply ShannonNo Gravatar says:

    Him: It looks like you paying half the time.

    Me: Oh. I feel awful when I pay. It doesn’t feel romantic. What’s next?

    Him: It looks like you asking me out for dates and calling me sometime.

    Me: Oh. I feel good spending time with you. Mmmhmmm. And I love the sound of your voice. I don’t feel good asking men out. I feel weird and ungirly when I do that. I feel turned off. What’s next?

    I love the idea of this conversation. It feels powerful. Like yes, I hear you but no I’m not doing that. The real question is can I do it in person. :-)

    Wednesday, 16 June 2010 @ 1:40pm

  774. 774: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    yea shannon! yoe rock… i feel good reading this!

    I also thought about asking … what does 50 50 mean to you… but i felt afraid of dragging on and getting MORE triggereed…
    but yes

    I feel open to feeling CURIOUS about this

    mmm

    what if they say you know, you call half the time, and drive half the time

    i mean

    i dont want to do that

    sometimes i’ve been asked… so what do YOU do then?

    i say

    be myself

    i feel weird and tightened because when i HAVE had these conversations in the past, I didn’t feel the men stepping up

    =(

    Wednesday, 16 June 2010 @ 1:42pm

  775. 775: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Like they’ve said ohh ok. I can do that. BUt I feel a lil bit weird and a lil bit more distance… and eventually the men (well at least the ones i vaguely remember and am getting triggered by) did not step up

    Wednesday, 16 June 2010 @ 1:43pm

  776. 776: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    although that one guy who called me disgusting weird and crazy for wanting men to drive to me and pay for dates AGAIN tried to add me to his friends list

    after he begged me to unfriend him or answer him back at that time… and i eventaully unfriended him

    he tried to add me a couple times till now and write me

    I feel ickky and unsafe to be around him

    I actually thought i saw him at the club last nite – but it wasnt him – and had a fantasy of 3riple punching him and running out

    and now weirdly he’s requested to friend me again

    Wednesday, 16 June 2010 @ 1:45pm

  777. 777: maryNo Gravatar says:

    766

    “Me: Oh. I feel awful when I pay. It doesn’t feel romantic. What’s next?”

    ha.

    when Island Man paid for my first dinner, i said, “oh! thank you. that feels so romantic.”

    he leaned forward and said, “it’s not that it’s romantic. it’s that I ASKED YOU.”

    i felt crushed when he said that. because i didn’t feel comfortable to ask him.

    i think it just wasn’t comfortable with Island Man.

    maybe i obsess about men who are not comfortable for me?

    Wednesday, 16 June 2010 @ 1:47pm

  778. 778: maryNo Gravatar says:

    so basically…

    we can’t change the men we’re with.

    we can act according to our standards, and they may conform. (Orna, your idea there about showing people how to treat us…)

    but we’re looking for an EXTREME minority of men who either have studied dating, are showing off by flaunting money around or simply, naturally do the masculine thing.

    not many of the guys i’ve dated in the last few months fall into the “naturally do the masculine thing.”

    Wednesday, 16 June 2010 @ 1:52pm

  779. 779: Orna WaltersNo Gravatar says:

    I love this quote:

    Your thoughts are the architects of your destiny. ~David O. McKay

    I’d like to invite you all to a “Twitter Chat” at 4:30pm Pacific time today all about UBS – Ugly Belief System and how to change that to Beautiful Thought Syndrome!

    Just log on to Twitter and include #btsnow to join in, or you can search #btsnow at http://search.twitter.com

    Hope to chat with you all there!

    Big Hug,
    Orna

    Wednesday, 16 June 2010 @ 1:56pm

  780. 780: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Orna, I feel SO appreciative that you wrote this:

    “I think its perfectly okay when you are dating someone to call, text & email and even to initiate that conversation – BUT ONLY with purpose. With a specific intention to ask a question, etc – not to just “check in.” Let the guy check in with you. If they like you – they will initiate. Its the obsessive emotional piece that is unhealthy – not the action.”

    That’s exactly what my heart and inner guidance have been telling me all along, so it feels really good — a huge relief — to read that on here.

    I also love this:

    “Come from a place of gratitude. Be thankful for the cute guy who asked for your number -whether or not he ever calls – it feels good to know he showed up in your world, for that moment.”

    Yes! That’s exactly where my heart has gone lately — it feels so good to view things that way!

    A friend posted this on facebook recently:

    “It is always possible to be thankful for what is given rather than resentful over what is withheld. One or the other becomes a way of life.” — Elisabeth Elliot

    Thanks so much for your insights, Orna!

    <3
    Lucy

    Wednesday, 16 June 2010 @ 1:58pm

  781. 781: Simply ShannonNo Gravatar says:

    Mary: No. I reject the extreme minority mentality.

    I believe all men can feel masculine. We’re showing every man how to treat us. They either step up or they don’t. In that regard, yes we can’t change them BUT they can change themselves.

    I honest to goodness believe that these guys are used to the extreme MAJORITY of women leaning forward that they accept it as “good”. When it is NOT good.

    Which is why so many people divorce.

    Which is why so many people are unhappy.

    Just because everyone is doing it does not make it “good” or “right”.

    Haha! I sound like my mother!

    Wednesday, 16 June 2010 @ 1:59pm

  782. 782: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    ok Mary – I just had a scenario…

    suppose a man , even one who doesn’t seem to naturally do the masculine thing,

    got a chance to go on a date with Angela Jolie (assuming he likes her)

    do you think he would go to that date and expect Angela to pay?

    I feel pretty confident that no – unless he’s so ‘trying to be different’ and show how ‘nonchalant’ he si… inauthentically

    so I think its up to me to hold my standards and practice until I FEEL REALLY COMFORTABLE WITH THEM MYSELF… and that will inspire men to see me as a woman they Naturally want to step up for

    Wednesday, 16 June 2010 @ 2:01pm

  783. 783: Orna WaltersNo Gravatar says:

    Mary,

    I actually think that most men are simply CONFUSED!! It’s not that they don’t “naturally do the masculine thing” – its that some woman chopped their head off for opening the door from them as they entered the gym – for example.

    Men get so many mixed messages from so many different women that truly I believe they are confused about what to do.

    This is why is it is imperative to teach your man HOW you like to be treated.

    Its possible to do this organically and not sound like his 4th grade teacher. ;-)

    It takes some practice to speak how you feel, but ultimately that is the KEY to doing this in a way that feels natural for you.

    AND equally important to compliment the things that you do really enjoy that he does and the things that make you feel good about you!

    Thank you, Mary – we really do teach people how to treat us. EVERYONE: friends, co-workers, bosses, etc. So if we’re doing it anyway, we might as well do it consciously. ;-)

    Big Hug,
    Orna

    Wednesday, 16 June 2010 @ 2:04pm

  784. 784: Orna WaltersNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you, Lucy! LOVE THAT QUOTE TOO!! <3

    Wednesday, 16 June 2010 @ 2:07pm

  785. 785: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    sooo weird… another man i was thinking about.. mainly cuz i dreamed about him last nite… transformer man freakin just called me!

    Wednesday, 16 June 2010 @ 2:14pm

  786. 786: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i feel kinda scared cuz in the dream i was hella in love with him and he wasn’t really 100% into me…

    i feel glad he didn’t leave a message to call him back

    i feel scared!

    of him

    and thrilled that he called

    Wednesday, 16 June 2010 @ 2:19pm

  787. 787: Orna WaltersNo Gravatar says:

    Simply Shannon,

    I do not agree with this:
    “I honest to goodness believe that these guys are used to the extreme MAJORITY of women leaning forward that they accept it as “good”. When it is NOT good.

    Which is why so many people divorce.

    Which is why so many people are unhappy.”

    People are unhappy in relationship because they have unrealistic expectations.

    People divorce mostly because they did not show up authentically in the relationship from the start.

    My husband has a great saying about this, he calls it “Twisting into a pretzel to get love.”

    One can only hold that pose for so long. . . like yoga, eventually one goes back to being who they truly are.

    When you show up AUTHENTICALLY in relationship and have clear, honest communication – that is how you build a lasting intimate connection.

    I hate to point to this out here, but I’ve heard from my MFT friends that its the MEN who feel like there was a “bait & switch” after a marriage. They married a woman behaving one way – and then once the commitment is made that person turns into someone else.

    If a guy isn’t doing the things that you would like him to do – you can express that to him in a way that is productive and share what you would prefer instead. If his behavior doesn’t change then MOVE ON!

    Most men, if they LIKE YOU – would LOVE to hear how to please you!!! Seriously, men are dying to please their partner.

    Big Hug,
    Orna

    Wednesday, 16 June 2010 @ 2:20pm

  788. 788: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    I had a dream about a guy last night:

    I peeled his fingers off the bottom of my bridge, he fell into the rushing river, he was swiftly wooshed downstream, his little doggie jumped in after him to take care of him, he and his dog washed up on the shore a few miles away, and then he married Eleanor.

    “Who is Eleanor?” I asked the air in my dream.

    The air answered:

    “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” ~ Eleanor Roosevelt

    Thank you, God of dreams, for the reminder.

    I hereby withdraw my consent.

    Wednesday, 16 June 2010 @ 2:28pm

  789. 789: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    To me what Orna and Shannon said are similar and I feel a lil triggered and tightned up to red that orna says she doesn’t agre…

    to me overfunctioning and leaning forward ARE twisting oneself in a pretzel

    And I too have seen many men accept overfunctioning from women and even engage in relationships with them… relationships where they are not fully committed!

    Wednesday, 16 June 2010 @ 2:28pm

  790. 790: TinaNo Gravatar says:

    I feel bored with outgirling men. I left my keys at his house , he sent me an email, asking when he can drop it off or how can he get my keys back to me and he wants to apoligize for berating me hours on end, blah!

    Wednesday, 16 June 2010 @ 2:33pm

  791. 791: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    ohhh i feel so tightened up in my thigh… what is this? why is this here?

    sigh

    mmm

    i feel it melting some

    ohhh i feel scared of having unrealistic expectations

    that sounds a lot like being too picky

    mm

    i had just put that away into the feeling good category

    and now i feel afraid… am i having unrealistic expectations

    i feel sad that Orna said she didnt agree with shannon, i feel confused… to me it seems like they are saying basically the same thing?

    i feel mistrustful

    i love my mistrust
    and that feels like

    hungry!

    hehe im hungry

    Wednesday, 16 June 2010 @ 2:36pm

  792. 792: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Tina – blah!

    Wednesday, 16 June 2010 @ 2:37pm

  793. 793: Orna WaltersNo Gravatar says:

    Daria,

    To me leaning forward has YOUR AGENDA as a priority where Twisting in a Pretzel is “Do you love me now?” “How about now?” Its that behavior that is looking to please. Its possible to overfunction with either one.

    More accurately, however, its not so much that I disagree, its that I prefer a larger perspective – one that encompasses more behavioral types than to limit to one and say people get divorced over it.

    Thank you for the opportunity to clarify! <3

    Big Hug,
    Orna

    Wednesday, 16 June 2010 @ 2:42pm

  794. 794: TinaNo Gravatar says:

    Daria, blah to girly men! :)

    Wednesday, 16 June 2010 @ 2:44pm

  795. 795: Orna WaltersNo Gravatar says:

    Daria, please don’t feed your mistrust. ;-) Remember what we focus on grows! LOL!

    I really love your vulnerability and seeing your moment to moment self show up here!

    THANK YOU!!

    xx
    Orna

    Wednesday, 16 June 2010 @ 2:45pm

  796. 796: TinaNo Gravatar says:

    bbl i have to clean my pc.

    Wednesday, 16 June 2010 @ 2:48pm

  797. 797: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    orna – ok i feel weird to bring this up… i felt mistrust a long time ago about the “once a cheater always a cheater” statement that you said you believed at that time based on what you have experienced and seen with your clients

    that felt so bad to me and triggers me

    it rings out “limiting belief”

    to me

    i would bet money i don’t know of that there are men there who have cheated once and that’s it…

    and

    it woudl feel awful for me to think that I as a woman were to have cheated, then i will alwasy cheat (even if we’re talking about on one man)

    that felt weird and awful,

    and like a huge slap to — i can create what I want and people can transform incredibly

    ok so i feel tightened up and the truth is that trigger has not melted and I feel triggered to think about it everytime i think of you –

    ohh i feel weird writing about this

    Wednesday, 16 June 2010 @ 3:00pm

  798. 798: maryNo Gravatar says:

    well, i’m just reading now.

    Orna, i had an opposite reaction when i read, “People divorce mostly because they did not show up authentically in the relationship from the start.”

    i felt peace. and relaxing muscles. and deep breath of relief.

    you mean i can just be myself?

    i’ve been trying so hard.

    Wednesday, 16 June 2010 @ 3:19pm

  799. 799: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Mary, yes! We can be ourselves — our AUTHENTIC selves — which are free of defenses and agendas and conditioned programming and reactive behavior. The key is to FIND and EXPRESS and BE our authentic selves, rather than our inauthentic selves that most of us have learned to relate to the world with. <3

    Wednesday, 16 June 2010 @ 3:25pm

  800. 800: Orna WaltersNo Gravatar says:

    Daria,

    I’m so happy you brought this up! Being “triggered” is all about what’s going on for you. If I triggered you, its not about me, its an opportunity for you to see what that is about for you. Does it mirror something for you? Does it bring up fear? If this triggered mistrust – a mistrust of whom?

    I shared my honest opinion – does that not make me trustworthy?

    I knew when I posted that comment that it could turn some people off. I’m okay with that. I can only be me and I won’t appeal to everyone, and not everyone has to like me. Although the people I do appeal to, and the people who do like me, get ME – the real deal me, the real authentic me. That is all I can ever deliver – guaranteed.

    I can honestly say that I like you. I enjoy your posts here. I see you as honest and beautiful and I’m okay if you don’t like me, don’t trust me, or if you do like me, and do trust me.

    Big Hug,
    Orna

    Wednesday, 16 June 2010 @ 3:28pm

  801. 801: Orna WaltersNo Gravatar says:

    Mary – YES! OH YES!!

    And thank you! Reading this “i felt peace. and relaxing muscles. and deep breath of relief,” brought a big smile to my face and great joy!

    <3
    Orna

    Wednesday, 16 June 2010 @ 3:33pm

  802. 802: LucyNo Gravatar says:

    Oh, Orna, you are like an answer to prayer today!

    “I knew when I posted that comment that it could turn some people off. I’m okay with that. I can only be me and I won’t appeal to everyone, and not everyone has to like me. Although the people I do appeal to, and the people who do like me, get ME – the real deal me, the real authentic me. That is all I can ever deliver – guaranteed.”

    I feel such a deep sigh of gratitude and peace. What you wrote there is exactly the lesson I have been learning in the past couple days. It has been really hard, because I want EVERYONE to “get me” and “like me” — but I am now learning to let go of that egoic need and to feel comfortable trusting myself — my authentic self — no matter what other people may think or say.

    Your writing this here today is such a wonderful validation of that lesson for me. Thank you again!

    Wednesday, 16 June 2010 @ 3:39pm

  803. 803: TinaNo Gravatar says:

    I like being here, im just going to hang out and read and learn. My pc is still messed up blah to messed up pcs and girly men. I feel like celebrating , I dont know what i want to celebrate but i feel like it.

    Wednesday, 16 June 2010 @ 3:49pm

  804. 804: Orna WaltersNo Gravatar says:

    Lucy,

    Thank you! Happy to be sending a message that supports you to be at your highest and best self.

    Big Hug,
    Orna

    Wednesday, 16 June 2010 @ 3:52pm

  805. 805: TinaNo Gravatar says:

    Hi, Orna ! :) I learned so much from all of you too! I feel frustrated that my keybroad is taking long to type blah! the letters are slow *sniffle arghhhhhhh!

    Wednesday, 16 June 2010 @ 4:18pm

  806. 806: LizzieNo Gravatar says:

    Orna, I don’t know who you are, I am quite new to the list, and I haven’t followed large chunks of this conversation, so as a newbie late arriver, here is my view…

    My now ex-hubby is gay. I was married to him for 17 years. I knew something was off the minute we married and he would disappear – either in human form, or sleep the entire weekend away simply because i “took so much energy”. He was clearly not authentic in the relationship and put HUMONGOUS energy into maintaining the lie. Ultimately the house of cards caved in and the crisis that resulted left many damaged people in the wake – naturally I am one of them and our 2 chosen children as well. His inability to be authentic in a relationship – any relationship has affected so many people. Needless to say, finding this site, and the work I have done to create healthy attachments with my children are what is giving me some base for entering into the dating world again.

    Now, I am 53 and the experience of dating just astounds and confounds me. The experience – although limited to probably 10 -15 guys in the last 2-3 years seems to follow a similar pattern – men coming out of marriages of 20 – 32 years ( like what happened????); they begin dating and the “new” relationships last all of 3 months. So what gives???
    My theory –
    among the myriad of “reasons” for ending a long term marriage:
    we grew apart; I could no longer tolerate the bickering of my wife trying to change me; no more intimacy (and this seems to be for fairly lengthy periods – 2-7 years and one of my men friends said his fantastic sex life ended when their child arrived – that was 18 years ago!).
    The next question is why do the fire-cracker new relationships only go 3 months: “she lied” – upon exploring, it seems that controlling behaviour in the woman can only be sustained for about 3 months then the guy says it is the : email terrorism, being stalked, nagging, taking over his life with a pile of social obligations – her friends….

    When I see the few posts you have made; the brilliance of the siren members exploring leaning back and really working to become authentic in their established and embryonic relationships, and Rori’s guidance and philosophy, I feel an overwhelming sense of hope for myself and others here that we are getting-it. We will experience a depth of happiness in ourselves and new relationships that will carry us through the rest of our lives with enormous grace.

    Thank you for you insights. I hope this makes sense…

    Wednesday, 16 June 2010 @ 4:26pm

  807. 807: SweetpeaNo Gravatar says:

    Dororthea – re: 700 – oh! That brought tears to my eyes! I feel happy for you, and excited that I inspired you to bravery, but my heart hurts for you at the same time. THAT was very brave!

    What I can tell you is that yesterday brought up very intense emotions for me, too! I was a freakin’ mess before I went. But I sat in those emotions and felt them and let them make a mess of me. And then I picked myself up, re-did my make-up & I went! And today, I feel lighter! I feel like a burden has been lifted from my heart! I feel sooooo good.

    You are still dealing with a fear feeling – what will he do with this? If he is a good guy, he will do what he can to help you work through it. And maybe he will suggest you go to therapy. But if he does, he won’t suggest because he’s hurt you, but only because he is a good man who cares about you & your well-being. Try to remember that, love your feelings – name as many of them as you can, then embrace them & let them go. That’s what I did & I feel ever so much better!

    Thanks again for your encouraging words!

    Wednesday, 16 June 2010 @ 4:56pm

  808. 808: Amy FNo Gravatar says:

    Hi All,
    I want to thank you for helping me understand how to use Rori’s tools. I just had 3 days with Man1 and it was great. I freaked out because he let me know when he got to his hotel, then nothing for 3 hours. I was literally waiting at the door to leave. I wanted to ask – when the hell am I to arrive???, but I just leaned back and he finally asked me, “when are you coming?” He was waiting for me to text him – good training. He’s got to claim me! I leaned back the entire time we were together. I used feeling messages. I told him on the way to the airport, I felt sad because he was leaving. He said he felt sad too and gave me a kiss. He did all the work. All restaurant reservations, locations, getting things for me. In my history, I was the one doing these things!

    I still struggle with conversation. He’s very shy, I’m very not shy. I tend to take over conversations. I tried so hard not to – sometimes I was successful, sometimes I was not. When I could manage to shut my mouth, he leaned forward and asked me questions, and talked about things meaningful to him and to me. I need to practice this more, it is very uncomfortable for me. Does anybody have any tips?

    I feel sad and lonely, and I am learning how to sit with the loneliness and face it better. CD helps with this, but I want to develop the ability to be with myself more and fill myself more, instead of relying on a man to do this for me – a man can do this sometimes for me, but not all the time.
    THANK YOU ALL

    Wednesday, 16 June 2010 @ 4:58pm

  809. 809: maryNo Gravatar says:

    i’m gonna write a letter to myself while i’m feeling so content about being single so i can read it when i’m married, and hopefully it will dissolve any fear that will keep me in a marriage that is not working for me.

    !!!

    Wednesday, 16 June 2010 @ 5:13pm

  810. 810: LizzieNo Gravatar says:

    Well girls, I am feeling really angry – my stomach is churning and the tension has spread to the back of my neck and tightened into a knot on both sides – it is so painful
    angry means fear
    upset
    this fear is really painful
    the pain is loss
    loss of an imaginary relationship maybe?
    or the potential of a relationship?
    I don’t know how to process this – this is all new to me.

    Family Guy – the one I had the completely awesome 4th date with almost 2 weeks ago… has “unhid” himself on POF; hadn’t contacted me and I freaking leaned in!! Ugh, I feel like a shi#@! – head! How come I couldn’t just lean back and wait it out??? Ugh.
    I sent him a note asking if he wanted to play golf any time at the end of this week – we could do twilight. He did respond the next day saying he was a headless chicken so busy and was thinking of taking Monday off and was I free then. I can’t I am too busy and said that the next time I was available was the end of June – early July. That is true actually. But here is the deal – The passion, the joy, the wonderful fabulous time we had together was nothing I have ever experienced before. I leaded back – it was beautiful and I was so enjoying it all – he paid for golf; he was so supportive and fun to play with; he went to the grocery store to get me some fish when I told him I don’t eat red meat; he arranged for me to have a shower with big puffy towels; he made dinner…. he leaned in so far he leaned right over flat!!! OMG it was amazing! I gave him all the wonderful feeling messages – how much I appreciated him; how good I felt being with him; bla bla bla.

    And then nothing! No little note from him – like WTF!!!
    Ugh – I know what it is, I feel ABANDONED!
    Although, I actually don’t feel used – in the past I probably would have leaned-in and tried to help cook, clean-up etc etc and then I would have felt used and taken advantage of etc. so this is good, I am beginning to label my feelings more accurately. I am astounded at the tension in my neck and head. tight, hurt, the pain is so real. This must have triggered deep deep feelings of abandonment….

    How am I doing with this… Help me process this more….

    Wednesday, 16 June 2010 @ 5:26pm

  811. 811: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Oh Orna I very much do like you!

    Wednesday, 16 June 2010 @ 5:53pm

  812. 812: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Lizzie – what I do that has REALLY worked for me is once I idnetify the feelings in my body I write/say

    I LOVE my feeilng of abandoment and my tightened neck and head

    and THAT feels… (and then i chekc the feeling and it changes)

    and then say I LOVE (new feeling)

    and so on and on until it gets to a good feeling

    which miraculously for me – it does

    Wednesday, 16 June 2010 @ 5:58pm

  813. 813: Orna WaltersNo Gravatar says:

    Lizzie,

    I hear you and I applaud you being here to heal and move forward. All the tools here are for you to PRACTICE.

    The healing process can take time. There is no time limit on grief. We have so much hope going into relationships and I believe that is the thing that keeps us in them, sacrificing ourselves for the “good” of the relationship. Ultimately, we can never sacrifice ourselves – it leads to the demise of the relationship because YOU must come first.

    There is a free audio download at http://www.CreatingLoveOnPurpose.com titled: Self Acceptance is the KEY to feeling loved.

    Again, its all a process and really loving all the parts of you – the good, the bad, and the ugly – is a huge part in opening up to receive that kind of love from another.

    I am hosting a free teleclass tomorrow at 5pm Pacific time with my husband and another coach
    3 Steps to Overcoming Ugly Belief System and Developing Your Own Beautiful Thought Syndrome. Register here:
    http://www.CreatingLoveOnPurpose.com/UBS

    Shifting inner dialog from negative to positive is one of the most powerful things we can do to create the life we desire.

    I hope to “meet” you on the call tomorrow.

    Love and Abundance,
    Orna

    Wednesday, 16 June 2010 @ 5:58pm

  814. 814: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    this is called RIFFING and Rori taught it to us in the power and self esteem posts… follow the feelings in the body then lvoe them

    Wednesday, 16 June 2010 @ 5:59pm

  815. 815: Simply ShannonNo Gravatar says:

    Haha! I got the “I don’t agree” thrown right back in my face. I felt funny writing “No” to Mary like she was wrong and wham… got it right back. LOL!

    Thank you Orna for reflecting that back to me.

    Mary: I’m sorry for implying you were wrong. My perception is a bit different from yours.

    There, that feels better.

    Orna: I feel open to what you’re saying. I think we’re saying the same things. My intent was the same anyway. Yes, I believe leaning forward translates to a woman doing everything she possibly can to draw a man to her, including being unauthentic. (Is that a word? Unauthentic? Inauthentic? I don’t know. LOL!)

    I feel a little weird at the implication that it’s the woman’s fault. I don’t think it’s a “switch” so much as both parties are ignoring the signs right in front of them. The woman ignores that the man isn’t paying attention to her feelings, and the man ignores that the woman is running herself ragged and saying “it’s fine” all the time.

    A man who allows the one he loves to work that hard is no better than the woman who does it.

    Wednesday, 16 June 2010 @ 6:15pm

  816. 816: Orna WaltersNo Gravatar says:

    Simply Shannon,

    These roles can be reversed, so I don’t think its about blame – blame is the enemy in my world (tee hee). Its just that often times the stereotypes fit.

    I agree that we were not that far apart – I hope you saw my clarification above prompted by Daria. ;-)

    I do like this very much: “A man who allows the one he loves to work that hard is no better than the woman who does it.” I would also agree if the roles were reversed.

    Self acceptance is the path to showing up authentically. It takes practice just like any other learned behavior – its just that the behavior we’ve all been doing for a long time is a habit and we do it without thinking – and after we create the new habit with the new way of being that too will occur “automatically.”

    Big Hug!
    Orna

    Wednesday, 16 June 2010 @ 6:30pm

  817. 817: Amy FNo Gravatar says:

    Lizzie,
    What I have learned from Daria and others is that men have their own timetables. It is hard to lean back after you have had a great time with a man. This is why CD is so wonderful. I just had a wonderful time with Man1 and am still basking in the glow of it. However, I have a date with NYMan this weekend. CD takes the edge off of missing Man1. Also, CDing with every man I meet. I notice men now make eye contact with me and smile – they admire me. It makes me feel great. When I take my focus off of Man1, he calls, or texts me. I am also working on really dealing with the lonliness and the longing and working through it. Please read Eat, Pray, Love. I am learning so much from this book.

    Wednesday, 16 June 2010 @ 6:31pm

  818. 818: LizzieNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks Daria – I had closed myself off to feeling anything that processing feeling is a challenge. Lets see…

    I feel like a shit head
    my head is heavy, foggy, hot
    I don’t like that feeling of heaviness
    it is the weight of the world
    I love feeling the weight of the world
    I am strong to carry the weight of the world
    I love to feel strong
    feeling strong is a beautiful feeling
    feeling strong is light
    feeling strong if free
    Feeling free is relaxing
    I can feel my shoulders drop – relaxing
    I can feel my breath go deeply into my chest
    I can feel calm
    my jaw is relaxing
    I love to feel calm
    I love to feel the breath of life in my chest
    I am strong free relaxed

    I can feel a hot flash coming on – it radiates up from my belly, through my chest, radiant up in my neck along my chin, flushing up my cheeks, throbbing along my chin line to my ears – my earlobes throb,
    I love feeling the electricity moving in waves across my face- feels like my hair roots are in flames,
    I have a billion little fires on my head
    I glow hot golden rays
    I love glowing
    Glowing gives life
    glowing is beautiful
    Glowing is peaceful
    I love feeling peace

    Now down the back of my neck, it is poofing out my shoulders, coolness is replacing the heat. The coolness spreads down from my forehead – it is light…
    I love feeling light
    Light gives life
    I love giving life

    Thank you Daria!! I am amazed this is working.
    I am going to write it in a journal.

    Wednesday, 16 June 2010 @ 6:39pm

  819. 819: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    It would feel so good to be in a relationship with a man with 100% giving and 100% giving!

    That’s MY plan and I’m sticking to it!

    No, please don’t assume the worst…I don’t mean leaning forward and overfunctioning. I mean complete love and devotion, after the relationship has gelled.

    I love teddy bears!

    Wednesday, 16 June 2010 @ 6:47pm

  820. 820: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Lizzie – wow I felt so captivated reading your RIFF>.. i feel excited it works for you too! It was the first process I ever found that actually worked to move my feelings!

    Wednesday, 16 June 2010 @ 7:00pm

  821. 821: dorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    i STILL want a different job, holy cow i feel TRAPPED.

    i have been feeling really claustrophobic – i went to a concert last night and couldn’t even breathe. i’m not usually like this. and whenever my date put his arms around me or touched me i felt like screaming and i don’t want to be around people and i want OUT OUT OUT of my job. i feel walls closing in and cinder blocks on my sternum. i feel an inverted vice inside the base of my skull pushing outward trying to make my head shred apart into a number of smaller pieces ohhh that would feel relieving.

    so much pressure.

    i think it’s my PMS?
    i dunno
    thanks for the venting space

    Thursday, 17 June 2010 @ 7:47am

  822. 822: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Dorothea,

    I want a different job, too. I keep not having time to build up my home business, but I am SO burned out at my current job. I’ve decided I MUST switch fields, and that is also part of fulfilling my P.O.P.

    My mind is too active and creative to sit here formatting and editing boring scientific documents.

    Thursday, 17 June 2010 @ 7:59am

  823. 823: Amy FNo Gravatar says:

    Brenda,
    What is a P.O.P?

    I think having a job or interest that really fuels you is one of the keys to stop chasing a man and focusing on him. I am very creative, but I have lots of high tech clients. I have one fashion client – they travel to London and Paris twice a year, talk about how things feel all day long – I just love it. I am trying to work more with them because it feels so good to be with them. I get so inspired.

    Thursday, 17 June 2010 @ 8:11am

  824. 824: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Amy,

    Purpose On the Planet. I want to write, help people, take more classes, and all that is stuff I can’t really earn much money at. So I have stayed stuck at this boring job, which pays well.

    What do you do? Yes, i am certain that if I were doing something I like, my concentration would be far more absorbed in it. I can hardly get myself to concentrate in my current job. If I didn’t have so many financial obligations, I’d take a risk by quitting my job and plunging full steam ahead in my home business. But I think it’s wiser to build it up gradually on the side. But I’ve been spending most of my free time playing on Siren Island! :-)

    Thursday, 17 June 2010 @ 8:21am

  825. 825: Amy FNo Gravatar says:

    Brenda,

    I am a marketing consultant – I do product management, PR and marketing communications.

    I understand about the business building. I am building two myself and would love ultimately to live from the income they generate. Not yet though! Rori’s tools have given me energy! I have more mindshare for these businesses now.
    It feels good to be persistent with the growing businesses – a little each day, each week and each month.

    Thursday, 17 June 2010 @ 8:45am

  826. 826: dorotheaNo Gravatar says:

    Brenda, your job sounds like my dream job. can i please have it? :D

    Thursday, 17 June 2010 @ 12:57pm

  827. 827: ALINo Gravatar says:

    HI RORI MY NAME IS ALI,
    I HAVE BEEN WAITING TO HERE BACK TO SEE IF THERES ANOTHER WAY TO GET YOUR BOOK BESIDES DOWNLOADING IT.
    IN THE MEAN WHILE LET ME EXPLAIN MY SITUATION A LITTLE BIT. MY HUSBAND AND I AVE BEEN TOGETHER FOR 12 YEARS AND FOR ABOUT 9 OF THOSE YEARS I HAVE BEEN EMOTIONALY UNAVALIABLE TO MY MY HUSBAND WE ARE ON THE BRINK OF DIVORCE. WE HAVE 2 KIDS TOGETHER AND HE HAS 3 KIDS FROM ANOTHER MARRIAGE ONLY 1 THAT LIVES WITH US WELL BESIDES OUR 2. MY HUSBAND HAS BEEN TRYING TO EXPLAIN HOW HE FEELS TO ME FOR THAT LONG AND I THOUGHT I WAS LISTENING AND TRYING TO DO EVERYTHING POSSIBLE FOR HIM. IN TRYING TO DO THAT I COMPLETELY SHUT MYSELF OFF THINKING THAT I WAS CONCENTRATEING ON HIM. IT WAS UNTILL I STARTED READING YOUR NEWS LETTERS THAT I COULDNT HAVE BEEN MORE WRONG. I LOVE HIM SO MUCH AND I DONT WANT TO LOOSE HIM IM AFRAID IT IS TO LATE AND HE WONT BEABLE TO LET ME BACK IN NOW. RECENTLY OUR KIDS HAVE BEEN FEELING ALL OF OUR HURT AND ANGUISH AND NOT LISTENING TO A WORD OF WHAT EITHER ONE OF US HAS TO SAY AND ITS MAKEING IT SO MUCH HARDER. WE ARE ALWAYS SO FRUSTRATED WITH EVERYONE IN THE HOUSEHOLD. ITS REALLY HARD NOT TO BE ANGRY AND SHUT OFF TO DEAL WITH THE DAILY GRIME. I AM SLOWLY FINDING MY SELF AGAIN AND I NEED HELP DESPRATLEY HE IS THE LOVE OF MY LIFE AND HAS ALWAYS GIVEN 100%. I FEEL ABSOLUTLY TERRABLE HE NEEDS PEACE IN HIS HEART. PLEASE HELP!

    Friday, 18 June 2010 @ 8:54am

  828. 828: jubileeNo Gravatar says:

    Chasing a man is against nature and is desperate on your part. In biology, the egg marches down the fallopian tube, like Cinderella going to the ball. later,when fertilization happens, millions of sperm come to meet her, and, I believe the egg chooses the strongest sperm, X or Y

    Friday, 18 June 2010 @ 11:18pm

  829. 829: Wonder WomanNo Gravatar says:

    Hello everyone

    I know I’m a little late adding to the whole “who pays” subject but I have been spending some time putting things in place so I can more closely follow Rori’s advice and as offering to pay for everything is something I am extremely vulnerable to I was thinking about it and suddenly remembered something my aunt told me a while back (before I discovered Rori).

    Now I should say my aunt is a woman who doesn’t really have much money, she has an older son and works part time but she has never really felt obliged to have a brilliant career. When I first set off working hard and paying my way I used to think she was a little lazy but now I am older I see she has found an acceptance and understanding in her life more profound than anything I have achieved in a high flying career etc because she is sincerely the happiest, self fulfilled person I know. She is always scraping pennies together and although she could go out and earn more money she says she is happy with her lot. She goes out dancing a few times a week, dates men when she feels like it and has had many engagement rings her way but as yet as not met the man she wanted to marry. I have to say not all her relationships have been great but right now I don’t know anybody else as happy as she is even though she is single.

    So anyway, a while back I was recounting a horrible date I had where the guy had made me feel I was putting him out by paying for my things and so I paid for myself and she was stunned by this and told me this little story.

    So one night she went on a date with some guy. They went for a meal and they started going in various bars etc and he was buying her drinks etc and then they headed for a club. So they got in the club and he started to complain that he was running short on money and how he had only brought a certain amount of money with him etc etc. So he went to the toilet and while he was gone my aunt went to the bar and ordered herself an expensive drink and when he returned he said “oh so you got a drink”…..and my aunt turned around and said “yeah, I didn’t want to stand here without one”…..then added “the barman is waiting for you to pay him”….!! lol So the guy goes and pays and exasperated returns to confront my aunt about how much he has spent already and she simply turned around and said “YOU ASKED ME OUT”!!

    I just know there is a lesson in there for me. :)

    Saturday, 19 June 2010 @ 11:01am

  830. 830: Wonder WomanNo Gravatar says:

    I should add that when we discussed this further I told her I was surprised because she did not appear high maintenance to me and she basically said she wasn’t high maintenance. It isn’t that she expects the best of everything. She would be just as happy on a cheap date but if someone takes her out she expects the man to be the man and pay so if he takes her to a place that will cost a lot of money he should expect to pay a lot of money because she will NOT be paying on the date. Likewise if he takes her somewhere inexpensive she is just as happy but it is down to him to organise and pay for it.

    Saturday, 19 June 2010 @ 11:21am

  831. 831: AnkitaNo Gravatar says:

    Wonder woman

    I really like how your aunt handled him… Worth praise….

    I got a lesson too, since I am also having a date with a very manly man in the next 12 hours….

    Saturday, 19 June 2010 @ 11:44am

  832. 832: Rori RayeNo Gravatar says:

    jubilee, Welcome, Thank you for your insights – and what I’d most like is for you to read around this blog and see what we’re up to here – not so much giving ADVICE – as sharing our own inner processes…that makes it a safe place…would you like to tell us your story? Love, Rori

    Saturday, 19 June 2010 @ 5:31pm

  833. 833: Rori RayeNo Gravatar says:

    Kiki – Welcome – and this is important – There’s more to this system than leaning back. Your missing piece is the “Invitation.” The warmth, the openness, the smile, the Feeling Messages, the appreciation – and perhaps even the “giving back.” Perhaps even the Listening at Level 2. the way out of this is to ask him – what would make you feel special? I feel confused, and would like to know you better. Do you find me cold? I hear how angry you are with me….In other words – learn how to do this (Commitment Blueprint breaks down the 7 Steps…and Modern Siren is all about the “Invitation” step…) starting with Feeling Messages and opening up the warmth, appreciation and listening between you….start with the book if you don’t already have it…I’m also not completely convinced what he’s saying is the truth – perhaps the truth as he knows it…but it might be more complicated than that….just do the work and understand the entire Rori Raye program…we’ll help you – and start practicing on everyone you meet! Love, Rori

    Saturday, 19 June 2010 @ 7:09pm

  834. 834: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Dorothea,

    Sure! You can have my job, and I’ll throw Bill in on the side, if I can have your job! :-) (**puff-puff!**)

    Saturday, 19 June 2010 @ 8:12pm

  835. 835: Wonder Woman