I found someone wonderful to help me with your profiles and pictures for online dating – I think it’s the single most serious, and yet easy-to-fix problem most women have in getting good responses from men online…if you want me to look at your pix and profiles on match.com (or anywhere else), let me know – email my assistant Melanie@CoachRori.com, then I’ll look at what you have up, see if I think I can help, and work with my new “profile” assistant to get you set up better. I’ll have her email back and forth with you and quote a price (she’s EXTREMELY reasonable). I’ll stay in touch with the process and make sure I like it before it gets to you…so you don’t have to worry about me now okaying it…(she’s great at getting the Feeling language in there in a lovely way…)
You’ll know she’s amazing when you read this – I asked her for detailed instructions on how to use OKCupid.com:
Let’s start in the beginning. You want to try online dating, but how to get started?
There are tons of different sites out there, but how can you choose which one to try? OkCupid is the best online dating site to try first because: It’s free and it works. What more could you ask for?
Now that you know you have nothing to lose and everything to gain, let’s get into how to make the most of your OkCupid experience.
1) When you first head to www.okcupid.com, you will have to answer 3 questions about your gender, orientation, and relationship status. Answer these honestly. Then click “next.” Fill in your birthday, location, and e-mail address. Again, be honest with these (don’t lie about your age). Click “next”.
2) Come up with a username. You can’t change this, so make it good. Know that it won’t hurt your chances of finding someone if your username isn’t perfect, but it can be a great conversation starter if you pick something intriguing or that gives a clue about something you like. Also, create a password that you’ll remember, and fill out that silly little “prove that your human” box. Click “next.”
TIP: If you can’t think of one easily, use a flower name, or a feminine color. Even the name of a favorite author or painter can be perfect.
3) Congratulations! Your profile has been created! Well, it’s blank, but you are at least online. You should now be on a screen that says “Welcome home” in pink. I want to now talk about the four things you need to do to start getting contacted!
a) Put up photos. Go ahead and click the top icon. Hopefully you’ve got a couple good ones stored on your computer or online. If not, get a friend to snap a couple of you and pick the best few. Put up 3-6 quality photos.
TIP: I recently heard from a man that this is what he’s looking for when he sees your photos: Boobs, long hair, and leg length. So, make sure he can see each of those (no nudity, of course!) in at least one picture. And pick ones where you are smiling as naturally as possible.
b) Fill out your profile (just click the second icon to fill it out). Go through and write as much as you’d like in each of the categories (just click the green box with the pencil to edit). Make sure you write enough to show that you have put effort into it, but don’t write so much that it will be too much to read (and show that you spend all day on there).
Also, to the right, there is a rectangular box that shows “my details.” Click the edit button at the top to edit that info. This section is important because guys may just glance at this first to get an overview of who you are.
*c) and d) here are things you should do quite often. You might update your profile and pictures every week or so, but you’ll want to do these next two tips at least every couple of days:
c) Answer match questions. At any time, you can go to the top of your page, “hover” over “matches” and click on “improve matches.” This will take you to a question, which you should go ahead and answer.
You will also be asked what your ideal partner would answer and how important the issue is to you. If you feel comfortable, click “answer publicly,” so that potential matches can see what you answered. If you want to keep your answer private, that’s fine too. Once you click “submit” at the bottom of the page, you will be taken to a new question.
There are endless numbers of questions, so know that you can stop doing this at any time. You can re answer a question, but you must wait a certain number of hours.
d) Do “quickmatch.” Go back up to the top of your page, “hover” over “matches” and click “quickmatch.”
During this, you will be shown pictures of a man with his profile below.
You’ll be asked to quickly rate him (1=low, 5=high). If you and a man both rate each other 4 or 5 stars, you will both be notified by e-mail.
I really like this because it lets a man know you are interested (why else would you have rated him highly?) without having to go out of your way to message him or “wink” at him.
Other tips and notes:
Searching: If you’d like to just search for matches, head up to “matches” at the top of the page and click on “match search.” You can put in as many preferences as you want (note that if you want to add a preference that isn’t there, click on “advanced.” You will be able to add preferences such as height, drinking etc.)
Rating: If you go to a guy’s profile, you can rate him on his page (you don’t have to rate only in quickmatch).
Winking: If you see a guy you really like and he hasn’t contacted you, you have the option to “wink” at him. Just go to the upper right corner of his profile and hit “wink.” I don’t really recommend doing this too much (a guy should come to YOU!) But there is always a chance that a certain guy might hardly ever go online—seeing your wink in an email might inspire him to go online and write to you.
Hiding: So, a guy contacts you, but you are sure you have NO interest whatsoever. Go to their profile and click on “hide” in the upper right hand corner. They won’t come up in any of your searches. Also, I recommend doing this when you search for matches. You don’t need to see “that one guy” every time you search for matches in your area, so go ahead and hide him. You can do this from the match results page after you search (and DO NOT have to go to their page to do this).
Quiver: Sometimes, OKCupid will pick some special matches for you. You can see these matches by clicking on “quiver” in your “matches” menu at the top of your screen. You can either say “not interested” or YES (but if you say yes, you MUST write to them). There is no need to do this (I don’t bother), but it is another tool.
IMing: If you are online at the same time as someone else, you can IM (instant message) with him. At the bottom right part of your screen you will see two little icons. Click the wheel with spokes to edit your chat preferences. Click the bubble to start a chat with someone. If someone wants to start a chat with you, their message will just pop up—just go ahead and write back (or click the icon at the top of the message box that is a circle with a line through it to block them).
Favorites: Another way to let a guy know you’re interested without bring too forward is to add them to your favorites. You will find this icon on each person’s profile.
Visitors: Note that any time you visit someone’s page, they can see that you have visited. You can also see who has visited your page by going to the “Connections” tab at the top of your screen and clicking on “visitors.”
It is also possible to “browse anonymously,” which means that a man won’t see you have visited his page (and you won’t be able to see who has visited yours). I wouldn’t recommend browsing anonymously (because looking at a man’s page can make him notice yours), so just leave this setting as it is when you sign up. If you do decide to you do want to browse anonymously, go to “visitors” and click on “change your Visitors settings,” and then follow the prompts.
Messaging: Okay, so you have a fantastic profile and some guy sends you a message (click “messages” at the top of your page to check).
You have 2 options: reply, or don’t reply. This I will leave up to you. I will say definitely respond to a message from any guy you might be interested in. Also, you can always write a message to a guy you are really interested in. I wouldn’t say that it would hurt your chances to do this, but it shifts your energy and makes you the seeker/active party, which you don’t want to be. And it can also get discouraging to not get a reply from someone that seems great.
Once a guy contacts you: Once you’re in contact, you will probably write a few messages back and forth. Then, he should ask you for your number and for a date. I personally like to meet as soon as possible, but do whatever makes you comfortable.
Meeting a man: As long as you a) know he’s real, b) know he’s sane, go meet him! He should call you to set up a date. Meet at a central location (or somewhere closer to you).
Best of luck!
Let me know if you need help from Gemma and I with your online profile – and here’s to Circular Dating!