Here’s a letter that actually made me feel hopping mad!
I am feeling all stuck and screwed up again over this man – I’ll call him “J”.
He came back again since last time. We had another batch of seeing each other. This time I didn’t sleep with him and I stayed leaned back. Last week he mailed me and asked to see me. I said ‘It would feel GREAT to see you and I don’t feel good accepting dates without a time and confirmed plan.’
There was no response.
This week he has ‘unfriended’ me on Facebook.
I think it is because at my birthday party (a few weeks ago) I let another man dance with me (and he also kissed me briefly when we were alone). Then “J” kinda stepped in and ‘claimed’ me. Bear in mind before the party I had not seen J for about a month and he was not stepping up at my party either. Of course I don’t KNOW this is the reason… it is likely though.
I feel so confused.
I mean I had come to terms with that he may not step up but this (being unfriended) really cuts!
So what do I do here? Do I ask message him and ask him ‘Hey you have unfriended me, how come?’ or do I just stay leaned back and not do anything?
I also feel guilty about kissing his friend.
Thanks as Ever Rori.
Ruthie – I so rarely give such firm advice – DROP THIS MAN LIKE A COLD POTATO!!!! NOW.
Whyever you feel the need to have anything to do with him – it’s about YOU punishing YOU.
Get away from him and start online dating like mad…give it a bigger push than you have been.
Do NOT ask him anything!!!
Unfriending you is about the stupidest, most immature, unmanly thing a guy can do. Drop him!!!
Sincerely, Rori Raye”
I don’t know why J was at Ruthie’s party, and I know that I’ve kissed more than one man at a party and thought – looking back especially – that it was pretty cool, but this facebook thing is way over the top for me.
It’s like high school.
The whole thing about relationships is this: Intimacy is not natural, not now, not with the way our experiences and society has made us think.
So – every step we take toward intimacy is going to feel wrong.
Unsafe and wrong. UNTIL…we DO it! And it FEELS GOOD!!!
It’s our job to overturn those ideas about what’s right and wrong and learn to TALK to a man. To SHARE ourselves with every man around in the most authentic, lovely way possible.
If you can’t talk, you can’t be intimate.
A man who uses facebook to shut you out is a man who can’t talk. It’s like the bad father who slams the door on you.
Get rid of any man who shuts you out. Period.