Comments on: If Low Self-Esteem Is Making You Chase Down A Man – Fix It Now

By: Caj13

Caj13 — Wed, 14 Jan 2009 15:11:39 +0000

I get what you mean, Mocha. It’s kind of a subtle way of discounting us, i.e. beating ourselves up. I feel like using your remark to help Me not go there, not pile on the infinite regrets, etc. OK, so he Seemed like a great guy and we Wished we could have basked in his wonderful qualities, however we didn’t get a chance to see his downside. But, one glaring, huge “defect” was that he didn’t “get” how great we could have been for him! So, maybe he has poor judgment, or doesn’t even know his own best interest (despite being congenetically self-centered), or he makes stupid mistakes about big issues, or he’s going to wind up being such a bad snorer you couldn’t even share the same house much less bed! As Rori says, he’s ‘just’ a man, so let’s really try to remember that. It’s taken me awhile about a particular someone, but I’ve more or less gotten to the point where I feel I don’t like admiring what I found admirable about him. All that stuff may still be laudable in the abstract, but what I really need to feel admirative of his love for me, his bravery for accepting his own vulnerability vis-à-vis his feelings for me, his willingness to forego his freedom for the bonds of attachment…to Me. I Really DON’T care about his business prowess, his sharing of household tasks with ex-wife or commitment to His Children or aging parents, if none of that has anything to do with me, if I don’t get to be the objet of his care and capabilities.

I went dancing last night, and suddenly his face flashed into my mind; I felt instantly vexed, and before it could get to my heart I told ‘im where to go: Sorry, bloke, even tho’ I’m still carting around your boring-er and boring-er *ss on my horse, Nelly has to stay outside in the cold rain, and you with her. Oof – bring on the Ball! Had a great time, with no more party-pooping visions.

By: Mocha

Mocha — Wed, 14 Jan 2009 13:40:12 +0000

Ladies:

As I was reading Talullah posts I began to wonder.. She makes a comment that when she slept with a guy too soon she messed it up with a great guy. My question is why do we always say he’s a great guy? If he for whatever reason decides not to be with us how is a a great guy in our eyes?? I mean overall, he could be a good guy just not for us, but what really makes him a great guy if he isn’t referring to us as a great woman? Because if he felt that way wouldn’t he be with us regardless of having sex or not??

By: Tallulah

Tallulah — Fri, 02 Jan 2009 23:01:27 +0000

Just realised I have been chasing every man that I ever liked (or didn’t..) by doing too much, because it would be too scary to wait and see if they would come after ME..what if they don’t put in the effort or run towards me, feelings of rejection. I didn’t feel worthy of a man wanting to come and get ME. So I am going to have an interesting 2009, my first resolution is: I am going to be brave and just see what happens, I am not chasing after anyone ever again. Maria and Ann: the truth spoken simply, I like it, I totally ‘get it’. Thank you!

By: Maria

Maria — Fri, 02 Jan 2009 14:34:29 +0000

Ann, l am more than agree with you on the statement first in your posts, thats why l never belive if a man finds “excuses” not to do his job in relationship or willing to put an effort. etc etc

By: Ann

Ann — Fri, 02 Jan 2009 12:45:05 +0000

Talullah, your welcome. I wondered if I was getting across what I was trying to say. I’ve come to believe that if a man really wants a women he’ll move hell or high water to get her and keep her. That doesn’t mean there won’t ever be troubled waters tho.

For me Rori’s tools help me be this best me I can be for me. Which benefits everyone else in my life. When I’m confident enough I can feel whatever I’m feeling at the moment and be vulnerable enough to share it with whoever is there, it draws the other person to me.

I’m learning to share in feeling messages. Not blaming messages-to talk about what I feel not what I think someone did to make me feel the way I feel.

I hope that makes sense lol. Have a goddess day.

By: Talullah

Talullah — Fri, 02 Jan 2009 12:06:18 +0000

Ann, I just read and re-read your post,your clarity, straight forwardness and honesty are brilliant. I am going to write your points down…and use them.Thank you.

By: Ann

Ann — Fri, 02 Jan 2009 04:18:10 +0000

I forget to add I don’t plan on sleeping with any mam but my husband while married. But if something was to happen the above way would be the way I’d go about sex now.

By: Ann

Ann — Fri, 02 Jan 2009 04:14:22 +0000

I hope I can articulate my thoughts in a way that makes sense. I just had a light bulb moment while reading this post. I’d like to share some of my truths and growths with all of you.

Concerning this post my truths are:

1. I don’t sleep with a man right off the bat…
2. I don’t sleep with a man I’m attract to until…
3. If I use Rori’s tools that speak to my heart…

Now why I think this way…

1. I don’t sleep with a man right off the bat…My reasoning use to be all men wanted one thing and that was to get into a womans pants. I blew this one I slept with my bf(now husband we’ve been together almost 33 years) 2 days after we started dating.

Now my reasoning is I have to keep myself protected(sexually) if I’m not interested in more with the man. And I think I need to be prepared for number 2.

2. I don’t sleep with a man I’m attracted to until…I have enough confidence and self esteem that I can handle the outcome. As I’ve said before I’ve been reading Rori’s stuff and using her tools for awhile. I’ve come to believe when I sleep with a man is more for my benefit.

Meaning if a man is feeling it for me and I’m the one for him, he’ll wait for sex or we could have sex right off the bat and he’ll still be there. I wouldn’t be able to push him away easily. That doesn’t mean at some point one or the other of our feelings might not change for each other. It means my emotional response to sex(with a partner I care about) are different for me. And it’s my responsibility to take care of me first. Which leads to…

3. If I use Rori’s tools that speak to my heart…I’ll be more intune with my feelings, my heart, my truth, and how I deal with situations. I’ll know how to speak to him in a way he gets. I’ll know if for whatever reason it doesn’t work out then I’ll be ok. Sure I might hurt awhile but I’ll bounce back.

I hope what I’m trying to share is coming through. I’m learning from Rori to stop blaming myself and others. I’m learning a new way to speak. I’m learning to share my feelings. I’m learning I’m the only one I have control of and I don’t need to keep myself in control all the time. I need to feel, and to continue to love and accept myself as I grow.

By: gina

gina — Thu, 01 Jan 2009 08:52:35 +0000

Thanks for the great feedback, Ladies! And happy new year! May 2009 bring in lots of Love and Happiness and growth for every one of us!! I saw the guy tonight, and honestly, it’s all good. I don’t even feel that hung up on him – I was just judging myself for foolin’ around. I’ve decided to just thank myself for a Hot experience, and even though we didn’t get anywhere tonight (and who knows if we ever will), it was fun to have that hotness between us. I have been circular dating, but so far, I’ve been cuttin’ the dates short for lack of interest. Nonetheless, I definitely feel the value of keepin busy flirting and dating multiple men. Thanks to Rori for the great post on keepin free of stress from sex – totally helped me keep my cool. Best wishes to all!!

By: Having Sex WITHOUT Getting Hung Up On Him

Having Sex WITHOUT Getting Hung Up On Him — Wed, 31 Dec 2008 22:41:38 +0000

[...] material, and that your heart would hurt very quickly – here’s some thoughts, jumped off of a comment by Tallulah – Here’s a line from [...]