you fear he could kick you out of HIS HOME if you make a wrong move.

i am not trying to be cruel cassandra by pointing out your language and situation. my intention is to just shine a stronger light on things you already know. i think you are wise to play possum until you become self supported or in a different living arrangement. you are currently financially dependent on what sounds like an abusive man. this is often a large contributing factor to why people stay in these situations. plus the turnaround in behavior when the abuser fears he is losing his captive can cause a person to believe or hope real change is occurring.

i don’t blame either you or charles. you are both just human beings doing the best you can. you may even end up happily married to charles. but if it were to happen with this power dynamic going on and then to bring children into the mix to cause you to be More dependent on him might not be great.

the other thing is that truly a change must occur within you or you will go out and pick another charles. it’s childhood stuff. we are attracted to our early traumas god knows why. something in our brain turns it into attraction.

but i beleive in miracles and healing and change and you can have your happily ever after cassandra but not if you’r not aware and awake to make healthy SELF LOVING decisions and actions.

and lastly only you can know what your soul truly needs or desires. so no matter what anyone else says or advises it really nneeds to ring true inside you .

in the end you are supported no matter what you decide to do. it is a benevolent universe rooting for your highest good and greatest bliss. xoxo

Hugs… I think you know the answers to your questions inside yourself. And I think you WILL be strong enough to do what you feel you need to, when the time is right for you.

I know I’m not Rori so I hope you don’t mind me replying to you.

Take care. Keep growing. Keep practicing the tools. Keep learning to accept and love Cassandra first.

you are talking out of both sides of your mouth. on the one hand you are saying oh i could never leave this home. on the other hand you are saying once you move out etc etc etc.

people have a poor opinion of charles based on the information YOU gave and wrote on here. we do not personally know this man. so i would say since your are providing this informtaion then obviously you are privvy to the same info.

facts:

charles is NOT asking you to marry him.his behavior is not that of trying to marry you in my opinion. and just what about marriage is going to make and somehow transform this man registered for a cheating site? marriage is going to change him into your dream husband.

you have all the answers inside you.. i think you are just unable to face your reality at this present moment of time because you feel helpless and powerless and sad and horrified and scared. of course i am just guessing all this based on inofrmation YOU have provided. just becuase you deny the truth does not make something any less true.

i think the reason you posed the question is because you ARE trying to face the truth and make the neccessary changes and gather strength. and for that i stand behind you on your quest for self love and happiness. we truly do know what you are going through and what you are facing with this.

with love, alias girl

The ring isn’t on your finger yet so you can’t let yourself be exclusive with Charles even if you are in love with him. Remember, Rori did the same thing with her now-husband; she told him he couldn’t have her all to himself, then packed her bags and flew off for a weekend, then had a proposal in what, 2 weeks? Give yourself a chance to find someone who’ll give you BOTH the deep “in love” feeling AND the commitment you want, deserve, and require.

You’re still standing at the doorway of infinite possibilities. And I’ve found your story so moving and inspiring. I rejoice when you have a breakthrough, and my heart breaks every time I hear about Charles behaving badly or not stepping up. And I totally get how scary it is to even think about other men when you feel committed in your heart. It feels wrong! It feels like CHEATING! But this man you’re with signed up on a website for people who are looking to cheat. Under the circumstances, for you to date other men is not cheating. It is simply availing yourself of the freedom that is already yours. It is coming out of the cage you’ve put yourself in. And–yes–it’s f*cking SCARY. But you have what it takes to move through the fear. You’ve already moved through so much and displayed such extraordinary courage in dealing with your health issues–I’m breathless just thinking about it.

We’ll all be here to cheer you on the other side.

My plan is to continue to look for a good job and then when I have enough money saved up to get my own place he and I will have to sit down and discuss where we are going….If I still have to move then I think that I will be done…if I can stay here with him in our home then I want us to go to counseling and totally commit to working things out and making them right for both of us. Time will tell though. It scares me though to think that I could be waiting for a little while longer and then lose out on what really I want for my life….that totally scares me. I so want to be married and have a family. There are 2 people in my life…..1 from my past (In my mind this is NOT an option because of his past behavior) and 1 that I dated for a little while but he was in another city and it was just too hard so we just sort of became really good friends and he has been 1 of my best friends for over 4 years….that want to explore a relationship with me. I don’t want to miss out but I am in love with Charles and I WANT things to work out with us…but is this BEST for me? I am not sure about that. This is what I am trying to figure out. I have NEVER made good decisions when it comes to this kind of stuff and that too scares me. One thing that I know for sure is that my friend that has been a really close friend for so long has BEEN there to the degree that he was going to drive 6 hours to be at my surgery but I did not feel comfortable with that. I felt as though I would have been doing something wrong in some way so I told him no. I do NOT feel that strong attraction for my friend though and sometimes – even though he would be a great husband to someone – I get scared that I will have to sacrifice that deep ‘in love’ feeling for security and emotional safety/ care. I do have that deep ‘in love’ feeling with Charles and am so attracted to him in every way. I don’t know…sorry this is so long..I didn’t mean for it to be. In any case….thank you for your post Daria and it means alot to me that you DO care! I so value your opinion!
Love you tons and I send you a huge FLOWER HUG!!!
Cassandra

Honestly I feel that his signing up for a “cheating” site is 10 times worse than porn and his on and off behavior is inexcusable, especially when it comes to marriage.

I can’t wait until you tell us that you have moved out and are starting a strong happy life.

I feel way out of my league here and my opinions are definitely coming out of my own judgement and feelings. I definitely don’t feel safe thinking about you and Charles.

Nonetheless, its only about what YOU feel! Ok?

I care about you and that is my honest yet clumsy answer, and I feel really uncomfortable posting it since your question was for Rori…

That feels like frowny face, like fear of sticking my nose where it doesn’t belong, it feels icky… I’m not sure why post it except that I feel I care about you. I don’t want to hurt you or influence you toward painful thoughts and feelings…

Big hugs to you and me too.