Intimacy Starts With You

When you don’t feel loved, honored, cared for, appreciated – how do you say that to your man?

If I made it a game for you, where you couldn’t vent, or yell, or complain, or make him wrong – or even say the word “you” to him – how would you say it?

In the most truthful, fully expressed way possible?

Write it out for yourself (and post it here if you like) – and then TRANSLATE it into Feeling Messages.

Just rework what you instinctively want to say – how you want to hurl your upset at him – and write it all in POETRY, from your heart.

Make it only from you, sharing your feeling state and not linking it at ALL to what has happened or what he’s done or not done, or who he seems to be or not be….

And what if there is no man right now?

If you’re Circular Dating and finding that “intimacy” is about your intimacy with YOU much of the time?

It’s the question: “How can I feel sexy, or lovely, or desirable, or “intimate” if there’s no man here to feel that with?”

And the answer – if you really ask yourself – has to be: All this has to happen inside ME, first.

Love has to circulate in your OWN inner system before you can fully experience it in relationship with the world – otherwise what happens is:

We intellectually take in that there’s a man, in relationship with us. We think our way through it, we experience the physical aspects of it to some degree, we experience emotionality to some degree – but all the depth, all of the REAL experience just slips by us.

We make assumptions about what’s going on. About who we are, about who he is, and about what this is supposed to look like.

We ignore inner voices that are telling us that this is all for US to “make up” however we wish to “make it up” – and steadfastly choose to see things as we always have.

We assume that a lack of “chemistry” at the beginning of knowing a man means “love” isn’t possible.

We assume “true love” is what it’s like in the movies, without considering that perhaps it looks and feels completely different in OUR real life.

We are more impressed by a feeling of yearning inside us than a feeling of contentment.

We judge all kinds of things – and the more power we give to our image of a man – the less power we give ourselves to feel, organically, what feels right for us - instead of what we “think” is right for us.

Intimacy is where it’s at – so how can you FEEL a sense of intimacy when there’s no man in your life at the moment, or the man in your life just doesn’t feel emotionally intimate to you?

For me it starts with feeling intimate with ME – where I’m hearing all the voices inside me and not ignoring any of them.

How about you?

Love, Rori

written by Rori Raye • Permalink • Leave a Comment »

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 6:59am

1,056 Comments to “Intimacy Starts With You”

1: Femininewoman says:

Like.

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 6:59am
2: April Rose says:

‘Intimacy’ is such a huge unknown for me.

I like breaking the word into
INTO ME SEE

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 7:04am
3: Femininewoman says:

“We are more impressed by a feeling of yearning inside us than a feeling of contentment”. Like

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 7:04am
4: Femininewoman says:

“For me it starts with feeling intimate with ME – where I’m hearing all the voices inside me and not ignoring any of them”. Like

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 7:06am
5: Femininewoman says:

RE 2 Like

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 7:06am
6: Brenda says:

FW,

You beat me! I wanted first comment!!

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 7:06am
7: April Rose says:

“Make it only from you, sharing your feeling state and not linking it at ALL to what has happened or what he’s done or not done, or who he seems to be or not be….”

I’m worried that I put my new man right off me yesterday. Even if he’s gone now, I’ve learned something of huge magnitude.

This dance of feminine and maculine energy –
So, so very subtle.
I had no idea.

So many subtle masculine traits are ingrained in my habits.
I was ‘teasing’ EM (a masculine energy man) about my personality and how it could affect him (we’ve been out on about six dates). I was making ‘shrewd’ comments about his personality.
I ‘saw’ him being repelled. I had ‘thought’ I was being in feminine, playful energy.

Lesson – don’t talk about ‘him’ unless it’s to express the good things I feel in his presence.

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 7:07am
8: April Rose says:

I’m finding that to ease the terror of losing control (which is what makes me hang onto my masculine behaviour?) I can choose to give it over to the man. Scary but thrilling.
Switching into my feminine energy, I give him the reins and I lean back and feel, and then I’m not grasping for control at all.

Surrender is a very NEW thing to me, and oh my god the pull to go back into my old ways of relating are almost irresistible.

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 7:09am
9: lk says:

LOL i forget what i was even doing, but CDcd asked me, ” Is that a little fear of intimacy ? ” & i was like … “hmmmm…. lol… maybe : ) ” but i’m being much more open & comfortable with affection lately : )

& also CDcd is getting more bxllsy LOL we went to the market & he took my hand on the way in & i tried to shake him off, laughing, but he held on tighter, re-gripped me, & intertwined fingers ! LOL & i was like, oh, actually, it’s nice to have you not let me shake you off : )))

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 7:11am
10: lk says:

“We are more impressed by a feeling of yearning inside us than a feeling of contentment.”

This is a great line, Rori : )

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 7:14am
11: Femininewoman says:

April Rose I interpret focus on myself as talking about me. Talking about him seems to be focussing on him. What do you think? Did you use “that feels”?

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 7:20am
12: Femininewoman says:

I try to sink into myself and say “I feel unheard” “I feel like I am a talking post” “I feel I can’t get a word in edgewise”. “I feel sad we can’t seem to connect” “I am here with you and I am feeling lonely and I don’t like to feel that way with you”. “I don’t feel respected”. “I fel unloved, untouched”. “I feel like a flower that gets wilted when there is no attention” “I am just a girl here and I feel bad and turned off when I am not getting attention. I don’t want to feel that way with you. Is there anything we can do about it? What do you think?”

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 7:25am
13: Lizka says:

lk

“Hi, Lizka !

hmm… i hear you saying that your dream gave you the feeling that the Old Loves weren’t Right anymore…. & that trying to make them Fit is making you Backward on your Horse instead of Forward…. : ) i see you meeting new men who are entirely different than what you’ve been accustomed to…. but you have to turn around on your horse, detach from Old Men, get facing the Right direction… to be able to See the new ones : )

what do you think ?

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 6:52am”

Wow thank you!! It does make sense!! And I love it. It feels super hopeful and it’s a good message. Thank you so much.

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 7:27am
14: Gazelle says:

Along the lines of Rori’s question, does anyone have ideas on how I could express to my partner that I want him to care more about my sexual satisfaction? It is such a delicate matter with him. He has a much lower drive than me, and even when we are intimate, he does not really focus on my satisfaction. It probably has to do with his low self confidence in this area, so I’ll want to tread *very* carefully whatever I say…

Many thanks to all! I don’t post often but I read and learn so much.

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 7:27am
15: Femininewoman says:

I feel a deeply longing to fully surrender into a relationship where I feel safe, cherished and taken care of.

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 7:27am
16: April Rose says:

FW,
Example: He said “Im smarter than I look, you know”. I answered “Yes, you’re way too smart for me. I saw that in the beginning”.
I can’t help the way I relate! It’s part of my personality, surely?
I’m annoyed about having to censor it and watch my words.

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 7:29am
17: Femininewoman says:

Did you know that EVERYTHING is energy? Energy exists all around you. It exists as thoughts and feelings that you and others project.

You are an amazing energy-sensing device. You can sense energy in many ways. The more you can sense energy, the more you can hear your inner guidance and your higher wisdom. You can even sense the energy from your future self.

Your future self is constantly sending thoughts and pictures to you about what is in your future. It is important to become conscious of the images that you are experiencing. If you are holding negative thoughts and images in your mind, do this process to become more magnetic to what you desire.

1.Stop and monitor the thoughts and feelings you are experiencing.
2.Surround yourself in love and light and project a healing image of yourself now and in the future.
3.Imagine connecting with a part of you that is in the future. You might be able to sense the energy, see an image of your future self, or even hear him/her. This takes practice. Pay attention and be silent. As you think intently about something, you will begin to receive guidance, ideas, and new thoughts about it.
4.Assume an attitude of confidence and trust that all is well (because it really is).
As you connect with a future self that is living a positive and loving future, you will create those feelings of peace and harmony in your now. That will make you magnetic to your heart’s desires.

Have a fantastic magnetic week.

Much love,

To see all Magnetic Monday info: http://www.christywhitman.com/blog

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 7:31am
18: Femininewoman says:

April Rose are you saying that you feel annoyed about Choose your Words?

I answered “Yes, you’re way too smart for me. I saw that in the beginning”. If I could switch hats for a minute and be the man when this interaction occurred I would think “hhhmmm she already has me on a pedestal, she doesn’t think much of herself now why would I want to be with a lower status woman? What is wrong with her? There has to be something wrong with her. She looks hot but there has to be something wrong with her.”

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 7:35am
19: Jilly says:

I love this post…yes

We are more impressed by a feeling of yearning inside us than a feeling of contentment.

Wow…so true for me…hmmm….

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 7:36am
20: Femininewoman says:

April Rose I am wondering if instead you could have said “I feel intrigued, tell me more” or “I feel curious tell me more”. What were you feeling when he said that?

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 7:38am
21: April Rose says:

“I feel a deeply longing to fully surrender into a relationship where I feel safe, cherished and taken care of.”

I experienced this on Saturday.
We were sitting in his car on the edge of a country town at twilight. EM wrapped my up in his arms, tilted my face to look at him. I’d been hours in his company, in my purely sensual, responsive, feeling and melty way. I was extremely turned on physically too.
I looked up and could see the glint of his steely eye lit softly by a streetlamp.
“I feel so safe with you”, I sighed…

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 7:39am
22: Brenda says:

April Rose,

RE: #15 – I so relate! I am cringeing, reading your posts, as I recall what I said to Ryan the other night on the phone. We were discussing him leading me on yet again, and he claimed he wasn’t aware that would have any effect on me beyond a discussion about romance and sex. I said, “Come on, Ryan! You’re not stupid!”

I have told him in the past he has genius level intelligence. He said, “I don’t like that at all! So you’re calling me stupid!”

I said, “No, I’m not! I said you’re NOT stupid!”

R: “But if I did that not knowing better, then the implication is that I’m stupid!”

B: Well, I apologize, because that is NOT what I meant. I already told you you are one of the most intelligent people I’ve ever met. I just meant like when you play dumb with your parents sometimes.

R: I feel insulted again. I don’t play dumb with my parents.

I apologized again and backed out of the conversation feeling exasperated. I am convinced that he knows what he’s doing when he leads me into a conversation like that. I feel at a loss how to combat it.

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 7:42am
23: April Rose says:

“April Rose I am wondering if instead you could have said “I feel intrigued, tell me more” or “I feel curious tell me more”. What were you feeling when he said that?”

AAAGH! OF COURSE.
I could open it up to hear more from him. Yes I *was* intrigued.

I SHUT HIM DOWN by making my own judgement and trying to be playfully sassy – I tried to impress him.

Even tho’ the way I said it implied that I was smart for figuring out that he was way smarter. So, I didn’t feel I was diminishing my status. But it all sounds thinky and double-edged now that I look at it.

“I feel curious. Tell me more…” BRILLIANT.
I will definitely remember this one. Thanks FW!

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 7:46am
24: April Rose says:

Or even just “I feel curious when you talk like that…”

‘Tell me more’ is maybe too much of a command for this man!!

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 7:47am
25: Aurora Girl says:

comfort with intimacy with myself and others….

will always be a work in progress for me…

because I keep reaching new levels….and seeing that there is more….

xo

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 7:47am
26: Brenda says:

That’s why I can’t feel fully feminine with him, because I DON’T feel safe. I can’t relax because I don’t trust him. I feel like I have to be hypervigilant to be sure I am not hurt. That is not healthy.

Because I am remembering early moments with Ryan, when I felt total trust, when I just freely opened my heart, even before I started listening to Rori’s materials. I did operate in more feminine energy then.

At this stage, after all the hurts, I feel I need to guard my heart and watch every move he makes. That is why I ask him questions. The relationship is way too lopsided. He knows every corner and shadow of my heart, while I know little about him.

Most of our relationship was spent with him asking me questions and me answering them. He talked far more in the last week or so than he did in 2009.

I feel deeply confused and mistrustful. I love his company, and I always get hurt when I’m around him.

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 7:47am
27: light heart says:

April Rose: “I can’t help the way I relate! It’s part of my personality, surely?
I’m annoyed about having to censor it and watch my words.”

I know, it does sometimes feel uncomfortable to get out of your comfort zone of all the old familiar patterns, and staying in, but that’s just the way I am.
mode.

but lots of times we are doing that stuff only because that’s the way we always did it, even if it doesn’t work too well. Lots of times we’re just being clever in order to get something or look a certain way, rather than being real, come what may, not attached to outcome.

It helps me to really get and stay on board with the deeper intentions behind why it is much better to keep the focus on you, staying out of his business….the theory/philosophy behind it all, your mission statement, that you don’t want a superficial relationship, you want intimacy and depth, like in Rori’s reply to Sunshine in the last thread.

so then you actually look forward to observing yourself very closely and pausing before you speak, to be able to communicate what is really going on for you.

It makes it easier to turn it into your normal way of being, although it may feel unnatural at first.

light heart

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 7:48am
28: Femininewoman says:

“I feel like I am in a crowded room with no space to breathe”

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 7:50am
29: Liz says:

Hi
I like the yearning familiarity vs contentment piece also…
I wonder what is yearning?
FW talks about longing to surrender into a safe relationship….

is desire yearning? Are the hot flames of desire when I hugged accountantCD in the woods yearning or a longing to surrender to his masculinity, to yield to him and allow him to bring me bliss?

Here is the definition from dictionary of yearning: and it shows that there is an archaic version that more closely mirrors what FW and I are talking about

yearning have an intense feeling of loss or lack and longing for something
archaic:

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 7:50am
30: Brenda says:

LK,

RE: #1592 from the “Are you smarter than him?” thread. Wow, LK, thank you for that! That really helps! I think you just gave me my answer…I want to continue to be his friend.

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 7:52am
31: Liz says:

archaic definition of yearning:

be filled with compassion or warm feeling….

so i feel like Rori’s post actually addresses both meanings of this word…..
when we are being intimate with ourselves and feeling ourselves fully, we are actually filled with yearning….
archaic meaning

and when we are disconnected from ourselves and feeling ourselves lacking and looking outside ourselves for love, then we are filled with a longing for something we perceive we lack…..

but i feel like we are all love

all the time
and i want to feel like i am making love to the world every day and every moment with the power of my love and my femininity.

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 7:53am
32: Liz says:

Hi Daria

I got what you were saying about my post and i felt an old wound get opened up when i read your post….
i do feel insecure sometimes here on the blog, because of my own family, that my posts are not read or that i don’t matter, so thanks for bringing that to light for me….
i feel I will receive healing on this….
love liz

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 7:56am
33: April Rose says:

Thank you Light Heart

“…so then you actually look forward to observing yourself very closely and pausing before you speak, to be able to communicate what is really going on for you.”

Yes, to allow myself to take that pause.
‘The Luscious Pause’ I think I’ll call it.

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 7:57am
34: light heart says:

because it can feel scary to be vulnerable and real and not worry about how he is going to perceive you when you express what is truly happening for you, without blaming him. Especially when it comes to the most triggering stuff, and sticking to what you want for yourself and your life.

light heart

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 7:57am
35: Femininewoman says:

Ha I just remembered something. 3 years ago when I got a new boss he keep doing and saying things to make me feel safe with him. When I spoke about him with colleagues I used to say “I feel fearful and mistrustful of him because he makes me feel like I am sitting on a sofa that completely wraps itself around me allowing me to sink into it as it conforms itself to my shape. It feels too comfortable”.

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 7:58am
36: light heart says:

27
That feels poetic, FW

light heart

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 8:00am
37: light heart says:

be careful, though, Brenda,
of hurtling back into caretaking
of other’s emotions role

you’re going for a healthy balance,
and being friends still may not be
best….right now

fwiw

light heart

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 8:02am
38: April Rose says:

@ Brenda 21

Hi Brenda,
What do you think about the conclusions I’ve come to regarding the cringey episode? That the lesson is this:
* Do NOT make reference to ‘him’ UNLESS it is to express the GOOD things I feel about MYSELF when I’m with him.

Shall we go buddies on this practice and see what happens?

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 8:04am
39: light heart says:

Hi Liz,

I see ‘yearning’ as the enjoyment of the process of attaining a desire. that’s where the juice is. if you ever noticed, once you get something, the thrill of having actually gotten it goes away, and you’re looking for the next ‘object’ to set your site on, and re-experience that again. not much different than the thrill of the chase.

Contentment is where you’re perfectly happy with things exactly the way they are, with the way you are, with the way they are, with no need to chase or change anything. your complete happiness comes from being able to rest in that self-knowledge that you are whole and complete. what a relief!

that’s why the inner authenticity work that we do is so powerful, getting in touch with how you really feel, so you can have insight into what’s driving you.

(of course this doesn’t mean that you wouldn’t take care of yourself by eating well, having boundaries, etc.)

light heart

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 8:12am
40: light heart says:

April Rose…
…The Luscious Pause….
that sounds perfect as a touchstone phrase!

light heart

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 8:14am
41: Femininewoman says:

Liz says “I feel like we are all love”. I love it.

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 8:16am
42: light heart says:

38
so, by and large, we chase desires because we don’t feel whole and complete. feeling whole and complete doesn’t mean it wouldn’t be the icing on the cake to have a great man for my partner, but I don’t want the desire to consume me. if you think about it, that is what the Rori work is much about.

light heart

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 8:17am
43: light heart says:

Yearning is also about the desire to know yourself as whole and complete, which is the best desire (imo)

light heart

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 8:20am
44: lk says:

38

ooh i like the “yearning” —- i think of “yearning” in general as a love for Love(god)(omnipresence) …. like … there is a poem by Hafiz… i’ll paraphrase:

we are like violins
once held against the breast of god.
that lingering heat
perfectly explains this constant yearning.

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 8:26am
45: Brenda says:

Light Heart,

RE: #36 – Thanks for your feedback. Here is what I am thinking of saying, which I got off EMK’s website in an article he wrote:

“I really, really care about you and have very much enjoyed our time together. But as amazing as I think you are, I’m not really getting my needs met here. I don’t want a weekend buddy. I want a boyfriend. And it’s become increasingly clear to me that it’s not going to be you. That’s okay. I’m not hurt or offended, but I need to find someone who wants a relationship. Good luck in your search.”

And then WALK.

If he follows, he’s your boyfriend.

If he doesn’t, he’s exactly who you thought he was. And you saved yourself another nine months of wasted time with a commitment-phobe. Use it well.

http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/how-long-should-i-wait-for-him-to-commit-to-me/2/#.TwsVfnrcAxp

I wonder what would happen if I said this to him? And if I choose to say it, should I say it via text, phone, or in person??

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 8:28am
46: lk says:

but the yearning shouldn’t be suffering… not like insatiable hunger…… more like magnetism ? …. it should be inspiration to recognize the Healing Truth that total, universal, infinite intimacy is always already in place : )

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 8:28am
47: Brenda says:

LK,

RE: #45 – I second that! Ryan has left me suffering.

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 8:29am
48: light heart says:

nice, lk

yes…
longing with deep tenderness
to know ourselves more fully…
as Love (god)

light heart

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 8:31am
49: Liz says:

Has anyone yearned to have a baby?
I am feeling into what light heart said about yearning being wanting to get something….

i felt a longing to bring my son into this world and at the same time it felt like contentment, like he was already with me…..

so when i birthed him in the springtime, i was open to receiving him and all his baby love and that was the HUGEST heart opening i have ever experienced……

so that was a desire to fulfill a dream or to become a mother, when i already felt that he was already here….

so I also wonder about my desire for accountantCD, since he is not here on a day to day basis, except for across the street from me on his computer and I am on mine….
i feel so at peace with it, I feel so alive feeling the juicy feelings and the heat and i have this inner knowing that i am already complete and if the universe does not bring me accountantCd, then it will be something better….is this yearning or is this inner knowing….
i don’t know, but i feel like i have arrived to a safe space where i feel comfortable feeling desire and feeling receptive to masculine energy and even though i feel complete, i feel that surrendering in a safe space will allow even more love to come through me….
well, i must go for my daily walk in the woods and get to work on cleaning and putting together a brochure for my new business….
have a great day, sirens!

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 8:33am
50: lk says:

& i don’t want to feel “yearning” for a man. i want to feel connection & support & curiosity & exploration

i want to feel the gentlest of Yearning for Truth, Omniscience, Omnipresence, Peace… i want to feel gently drawn along…. in a way where i feel Content, like no suffering… but not Content, like forgetting about learning & paying attention & practicing yoking myself to a discipline of Love

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 8:33am
51: Brenda says:

Here is how I best characterize my relationship with Ryan. And I have always HATED this song:

Strumming My Pain

Strumming my pain with his fingers
Singing my life with his words
Killing me softly with his song, telling my whole life with his words
Killing me softly with his song…

I heard he sang a good song
I heard he had a style
And so I came to see him
And let him sing for a while
And there he was this young one
Stranger to my eyes

Strumming my pain with his fingers
Singing my life with his words
Killing me softly with his song, killing me softly with his song
Telling my whole life with his words killing me softly with his song

I felt all flushed with fever.
And I rest by the crowed
I felt he found my letters andread each one out loud
I prayed that he would finish
But he just kept right on

Strumming my pain with his fingers
Singing my life with his words
Killing me softly with his song, killing me softly with his song
Telling my whole life with his words killing me softly with his song

Oh ah ah oh
Woah ah oh ah ah
La la la la la la oh ah ah
Oh oh la ah ah ah
La ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah

Strumming my pain with his fingers, yes
He was singing my life with his words.
Killing me softly with his song. Killing me softly with his words, Telling my whole life with his words
Killing me softly… with his song..

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 8:33am
52: light heart says:

Brenda,

re 44

that post of EMK’s helped me too,
and I had to tell JCD the same thing.

and then stop making excuses for him
and let the chips fall where they may.

If he comes back, fine, but you can’t put
your life on hold waiting for that.

god knows better than we do, and there
is something better in store for you
if you make the space for it.

I would say that if you can get him
in person, that is always best.

I support you in communicating this
to R, Brenda.

light heart

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 8:36am
53: Brenda says:

My yearning with Ryan is so intense that it is constant pain. He keeps renewing the pain by leading me on, then letting me be in pain more. It is evil.

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 8:37am
54: Liz says:

Thanks light heart for the post re abraham….
i will check it out!

lk
I am loving what you wrote about not wanting yearning for a man, but wanting contentment and peace….

may it be so

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 8:37am
55: Sondra says:

I feel curious about who I will meet now that I am determined to stop focusing all of my energy on a guy who does not love me! I do not want to feel like I am chasing a man! I feel frisky!

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 8:44am
56: Brenda says:

Light Heart,

RE: #51 – I am also playing with the idea of going another direction with it:

“Ryan, I really really care about you and have very much enjoyed our time together. And as amazing as I think you are, I promised myself that if our friendship became hurtful like it was in 2009, I would not stay in it. It is extremely damaging to my heart to be repeatedly led on and let down. And I’m not really getting my needs met here. I don’t want a weekend buddy. I want a boyfriend. And it’s become increasingly clear to me that it’s not going to be you. That’s okay. I’m not offended, but I need to find someone who wants a HEALTHY relationship. Good luck in your search.’

I might do this…still considering it.

And then WALK.

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 8:45am
57: light heart says:

Brenda,
maybe you could shift the focus from
trying to get your feeling of wholeness
and completeness from R to yourself.
It is all already there, within.

Your relationship with him as it is,
is perfect (sans your suffering).

You suffer because you aren’t
getting what you think you want, but
keep yearning after it, but you’re really
barking up the wrong tree. any of us who
are hung up on any man, are doing the
same thing.

Tell him in person if you can stick to it
and not backtrack, but if not, over the phone.

light heart

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 8:48am
58: April Rose says:

Brenda,

I hear bitterness in your feelings right now.
I would say wait a while unless you WANT the bitterness to show.

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 8:48am
59: Femininewoman says:

Sondra I am with you. One of my New Years resolution is that I will be voting for myself in every moment. I experimented with it yesterday and I said “I have committed this year to remove myself from any environment where I don’t feel loved and respected”. The response was unbelievably moving and I felt like I had lost 50 lbs. I felt so liberated after.

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 8:50am
60: Brenda says:

April Rose,

RE: #37 – Awww, thank you! Yes! I felt really warm reading “shall we go buddies on this?” I have tried to do that with Ryan, and I’ve been very good about it.

My first mistake was initiating the other night. My second was not having a script in front of me. I have some deep-seated anger toward him because I was so deeply wounded in 2009, something that took close to two years to start feeling normal and okay again.

And it’s starting again.

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 8:53am
61: light heart says:

55 Brenda,
I’d leave the explaining/reasoning out

Ryan, I really really care about you and have very much enjoyed our time together.

I’m not really getting my needs met here. I don’t want a weekend buddy. I want a deep intimate relationship leading to marriage.

And it’s become increasingly clear to me that it’s not going to be you. That’s okay. I’m not offended, but I need to find someone who wants a HEALTHY relationship. Good luck in your search.’

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 8:53am
62: Brenda says:

I LOVE this song!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WAGzW0UkmCw&feature=colike

Look around you, look up here
Take time to make time
Make time to be there
Look around, be a part
Feel for the winter
But don’t have a cold heart

And I love you best
You’re not like the rest
You’re there when I need you
You’re there when I need
I’m gonna need you

A long time ago
I had a lady to love
She made me think of things
I never thought of
Now she’s gone and I’m on my own
A love song has come into my mind
A love song
It was there all the time

So lady
Let me take a look at you now
You’re there on the dance floor
Making me want you somehow
Oh lady
I think it’s only fair
I should say to you
Don’t be thinkin’ that I don’t want you
‘Cause maybe I do

[Instrumental Interlude]

Look around, come to me
I have no answers
But know where I wanna be
I look around, play a part
I was born in the winter
And cooled by a warm heart

And I love you best
You’re not like the rest
You’re there when I need you
You’re there when I need
I’m gonna need you

So lady
Let me take a look at you now
You’re there on the dance floor
Making me want you somehow
Oh lady
I think it’s only fair I should say to you
Don’t be thinkin’ that I don’t want you
‘Cause maybe I do
Don’t be thinkin’ that I don’t want you
Lady I do

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 8:56am
63: light heart says:

oh i’d also leave out the part about finding someone who wants a healthy relationship, that’s insulting, and sounds bitter, like April Rose said.
It’s OK to keep things short. The less said, the better, just get your point across. you’ve got to wash this guy out of your hair

light heart

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 8:58am
64: Brenda says:

Light Heart,

RE: #60 – I understand why you are saying that…and yet I feel a need to let him know that it IS an issue. I don’t know. I’ll think about it. I need to get on the road to run an important errand. Should have already left.

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 8:58am
65: light heart says:

OK, I’ve got to go and take care of me now.

omg, I can’t believe all the mistakes I made
explaining, blaming, insulting, making them wrong

well, i did a lot of good, too

no matter what,

I love me anyway

because I don’t have to be or do anything to be valuable and worthy

light heart

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 9:01am
66: Brenda says:

April Rose and Light Heart,

Thank you SO MUCH for your feedback. You really help me to stay on track. You are right.

Maybe I could say, This is so unhealthy for me to feel forever alone in a dark theater after the romance movie is over.

Maybe that sounds more about me and my wellbeing?

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 9:03am
67: Sondra says:

While we are posting songs – this one is helping me right now – it is so true of my relationship with Gary and it helps me keep it in perspective – I LOVE the last two verses”

“I move on like a sinners prayer
I let go like a levee breaks
Walk away as if I don’t care
Learn to shoulder my mistakes

I’m built to fade like your favorite song
Gettin’ reckless when there’s no need
Laugh as your stories ramble on
Break my heart, but it won’t bleed

My only friends are pirates
That’s just who I am
But I’m better as a memory than as your man

Never sure when the truth won’t do
I’m pretty good on a lonely night
I move on the way a storm blows through
And never stay, but then again, I might.

I struggle sometimes to find the words
Always sure until I doubt
Walk a line until it blurs
Buildin’ walls too high to climb out

But I’m honest to a fault
That’s just who I am
I’m better as a memory than as your man

I see you leaning, you’re bound to fall
I don’t want to be that mistake
I’m just a dreamer and nothing more
You should know it before it gets too late

Cause goodbyes are like a roulette wheel
You never know where they’re gonna land
First you’re spinning, then you’re standing still
Left holding a losing hand

But one day you’re gonna find someone
And right away you’ll know it’s true
That all of your seekin’s done
It’s just a part of the passing through

Right there in that moment
You’ll finally understand
That I was better as a memory than as your man
Better as a memory than as your man”

~ Kenny Chesney

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 9:06am
68: Jennifer says:

I just found this site and am so glad I did. My relationship just ended and I am lost, scared and alone. I feel as if I am nothing and never will find real love. So am hopeful that this site will help me find the advice I need to believe in myself again and possible find a love that is for real this time around.

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 9:08am
69: Femininewoman says:

Sondra maybe I am in a judgemental mindset right now but the only song that keeps ringing my head is “Why do fools fall in love why do they fall in love”. Going to pour some love on my judgemental shadow.

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 9:09am
70: Francesca says:

@Daria #1570 (from previous blog)

“Francesca – awesome that you’re noticing. ok

this is very stubtle but CRUCIAL

when you are being silent… are you tense?

the work is in the BODY much more than in the words…

check your body and relax, maybe even exhale out loud, in themoment.

think of relaxing right then and there, maybe wiggle your bottom and settle in to your chair like a HEn on an egg

this will shift the vibe as you relax

(tense silence is NOT where you want to be. Relaxing INTO the silence is, and you may not even want to speak anymore. but if you do, you find the feeling words AFTER you’ve done the body relaxing)”

At first, I feel tense, waiting for an answer from him. Then I just try to relax and let my own feelings of not being heard/seen/understood sink in.

Then I’ll just have a conversation in my head, wondering to myself if I did or said something wrong.

In the last month or so, my man has been either tired, sick or injured, he’s not very talkative, so I’m trying hard to stay focused on my own well-being (i.e., feeling up beat and all) but I’m finding it harder and harder to remain that way. That must be why I feel a little bit tired today.

Thanks for tip, Daria, this will be helpful in the future.

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 9:20am
71: Francesca says:

Brenda, are you familiar with the term “limerence”?

Limerence is a term coined c. 1977 by the psychologist Dorothy Tennov to describe an involuntary state of mind which seems to result from a romantic attraction to another person combined with an overwhelming, obsessive need to have one’s feelings reciprocated. The concept grew out of Tennov’s mid-1960s work, when she interviewed over 500 people on the topic of love, and was first published in her 1979 book Love and Limerence: The Experience of Being in Love.

Attachment theory emphasises that “many of the most intense emotions arise during the formation, the maintenance, the disruption, and the renewal of attachment relationships”.[1] It has been suggested that “the state of limerence is the conscious experience of sexual incentive motivation” during attachment formation: “a kind of subjective experience of sexual incentive motivation”[2] during the “intensive…pair-forming stage”[3] of human affectional bonding.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Limerence

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 9:31am
72: Mel says:

Hello ladies!

What does it mean when a man starts to talk all girly-like (lol) and use FMs? Is it just because they are imitating how we talk to them or does it mean he’s in his feminine energy and I need to lean back?

Mr. A sent me a text this morning: “I hope the rest of your morning is really sweet like you!!! I had a very great weekend…I feel all relaxed and happy inside ; )”

This made me feel all giggly because that sounds an awful lot like something I’d say…

Maybe he’s just figured out I’m a big sap and that I get all gooey when I feel touched. He just wants more kisses… yup, yup!

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 9:46am
73: lk says:

@Liz

“so I also wonder about my desire for accountantCD, since he is not here on a day to day basis, except for across the street from me on his computer and I am on mine….
“i feel so at peace with it”

i’m noticing that i feel disconnected when i read that you feel at peace with your thoughts of accountantCD…. I feel scared of accountantCD myself from reading the blog…. i feel like saying to him, I don’t want a relationship with a man who isn’t strong enough or trusting enough to end a relationship with someone he doesn’t see a Forever Partnership with… i feel curious about if you feel safe with him ? I feel curious about his Relationship Status ? ? I don’t want to kiss men who have girlfriends…. i don’t want to kiss men who don’t ask me on dates. i don’t want to go on dates with men who find sexual attraction (perfume) distracting from a Committed Relationship (real food)…..

what do you think ?

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 9:56am
74: lk says:

@Mel 70

sounds feminine to me… : ) maybe he’s exhausted from being all Manly around you all weekend : ))))))))

He’ll Love You More If You OUTGIRL Him : )))))))))))))))

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 9:57am
75: mali says:

Hmm… On a guy’s profile, it read “I generally spend the majority of my time attempting to appear cool so that other people will like me, with varying degrees of success”

Eww eww eww… I feel kinda turned off and unsafe reading that…

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 10:20am
76: Lolita says:

What do you do when HE says I am not listening to HIS feelings while I am expressing mine in my most Rori expressive feeling messages?
His answer to ‘I feel so sad’ is ‘I feel like pulling away’!!! And then when I say I feel insecure, he says I didn’t listen to how HE FEELS!!! Help…?

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 10:22am
77: April Rose says:

Aw, Mali,

Sounds to me like he’s just trying to be honest and authentic.
It’s so hard to tell from the written word whether there is irony and humour in what someone is saying.

I often find I’m taken too seriously on here!

Can you give him the benefit of the doubt until you communicate further?

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 10:24am
78: Liz says:

Hi lk
thanks….
i am not sure why i feel at peace with it….
i don’t now, in fact i am feeling bad about it.
so maybe i don’t feel safe with him.
and what you wrote is really resonating with me….that you yourself would not want a relationship with someone who is not willing to end an unsatisfying relationship or you don’t want to kiss men who don’t ask you out on dates….
this is all true and I would not kiss him again, it just sort of happened because we ran into each other on the trail and that felt really magical….
and i understand from my own personal experience how hard it is to break off an unsatisfying relationship, so i guess that is what i feel at peace with, that there is love in the universe for me, not necessarily with him, but with someone and it’s coming to me soon, I can feel that….
I really appreciate your wise words, sister, that helps me watch out for myself and stop considering his predicament and my needs….
well, i WILL go out with that guy from match.com who is asking me out….how about that?
hugs

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 10:25am
79: mali says:

April Rose,

I agree… and it did make me laugh. I just got this “smart” vibe from it…

When he messaged me, his subject line was “Yet another message from yet another loser”, and the message read

“Hi I feel you appear attractive and consequently would love the opportunity to enhance your life by means of exposure to my awesomeness kthnxbai”

It really made me laugh a lot, and I replied, but… haven’t heard back… Bleurgh.

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 10:32am
80: Mel says:

@lk 72

LOL

I don’t know how I could possibly be more girly!

Last night we watched a super sappy feel-good movie and I was being all “awwww!” and “yay!” and a bit teary and also smiley. He ate it up.

Later I was unconsciously doing some little ballet leaps and jumps in the kitchen and he beamed at me and said “you must be excited for ballet to start again!” I said “Oh boy! I feel soooo excited for Tuesday…. Eeeeeee!” He said he loves how I get so excited about stuff.

He was manly all weekend, and doesn’t usually talk like this… I’ll have to seriously think about how to be even more girly! LOL

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 10:41am
81: Mel says:

He even followed my pattern for FMs. I always say I feel all_______. The “all” seems to make its way into my FMs 90% of the time.

Heehee! This makes me feel all amused!

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 10:53am
82: Rori Raye says:

Lolita – in my book – “Listening At Level 2″ is one of my most important and powerful tools – it’s about being present and really THERE when he’s talking. See if that helps you. Perhaps he senses you aren’t really there when he’s talking, and instead are caught up in what YOU want to say next…this is how we all are, you just have to learn how to do this….let me know if this is what you needed. Otherwise, once you get this down and create safety and calm between you – if he’s not concerned with how you feel, he’s just “outgirling” you – and he’s a “flower-man” who will never be the man you want. You have to have a heart-to-heart talk with him, starting with creating a speech around it in order to discover what he’s capable of. In fact – this is a powerful question, and I’ll build some serious time around it in my upcoming 4-week teleclass (http://www.coachrori.com/how-to-find-love-and-keep-it-forever/). Love, Rori

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 10:55am
83: Rori Raye says:

Gazelle – Dominique is your girl around sex – http://www.sexandheart.com (she’s wonderful, and you can find her amazing comments all over this blog…) Love, Rori

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 11:13am
84: Goodheart says:

Mel, I use “all” all the time too! My favorite is “I feel all tingly.”

My bf uses feeling messages with me too. I’ve noticed it more & more & I feel it’s a good thing. It keeps the communication open. We are very in tune with ourselves & each other.

When he gives me a feeling message, I usually just smile. If it’s in person, I lay my head on his chest or touch him in some way. He’s told me that touching him is always, always a good thing I don’t have to say anything. Loving silence (and a warm touch) is ultra girly to me. Over text, a smiley face works well OR just an awww. I also like to text back ” (blush) ”

Your Mr. A sounds lovely.

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 11:20am
85: Lolita says:

@ Rori, thanks so much! I soooo adore your programs. You are right, I did read it. I got so upset I was freaking out he wasn’t getting my feelings into consideration… I forgot to look deeply in his eyes and face and just listen when he talked and was just thinking about why he couldn’t respond to my feeling messages… He actually did SAY it felt like I’m not there! He often talks in feeling messages too… There are incredible highs and very low lows, it will be in a year in 2 weeks, and there was a break last July (which caused me to buy your ebook and 2 programs) and then we reconnected amazingly until we had a very tense Christmas vacation together with our respective children. It’s been a roller coaster these past few weeks. He’s allways known what I want is marriage and commitment and has agreed, except said a week ago he’s not sure we have the right foundation for him to make that commitment anymore… He is pulling away and I know he’s even been back on the dating site we met on! This man was married for many years so I know he is capable… It seems like I seriously messed up with my insecurities.

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 11:23am
86: Mel says:

Goodheart:

Oooh, I love that!

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 11:33am
87: Mel says:

<>

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 11:35am
88: T-Girl says:

Mel, it is so funny. J just recently told me that I make him melt lol. Maybe they like our girly talk so much that they want to do it too.

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 11:58am
89: Femininewoman says:

I just copied the “ooo I feel all happy and gooey inside” and immediately got back “that’s good baby just keep that spirit. It’s good. Love you”.

This girly stuff is powerful stuff.

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 12:08pm
90: Lizka says:

Hi!

Is there some French speaker in here? I need help on a translation of an FM. Lili? Mel? Anyone??

I want to send a “My vacation felt amazing/good/relaxing” have no idea how to say it for it to make sense…

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 12:25pm
91: Daria says:

Francesca – ‘Then I’ll just have a conversation in my head, wondering to myself if I did or said something wrong.’

I do this too… We all do.

Heres where it gets simple…

The steps here are to Stop (the convo in our head)

Get grounded w an object Lean back even more

Look for a feeling…

Speak … Or… Don’t, and take your energy out the window to something cool in your environment.

Ps if your man is literally ignoring you – you will still feel bad – that’s not something you want to tolerate in relationship

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 12:31pm
92: Daria says:

Lizka – je me senti bien relaxee en vacationes.

Correct my grammar

Though I’m surprised to hear that cuz I thought you felt rather challenged and stressed

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 12:33pm
93: Lizka says:

Lol Daria. It’s not totally a lie. I felt good and relax when I was by myself at the beach by myself and not arguing with my family. Here, I posted only the negative stuff, but there was some good times. And overall, I came back rested and happy that I could enjoy the sun and that I did some great shopping.

Right now, I don’t think too much of the bad stuff when I think of my vacation. I wouldn’t go back with my family, but I would go back on the beach with my boom that felt awesome to read…

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 12:41pm
94: Daria says:

Lizka – yay nice… Reminds me of my Hawaii trip

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 12:43pm
95: Lolita says:

What is your best tip to relax for a monday night date after a big blowup and make sure he does not pull away further?

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 12:43pm
96: siren song says:

FW 89: nice!!!

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 12:45pm
97: mali says:

Hmm… so with the guy I mentioned (he didn’t respond to my last message), I leaned forward, saying “Hmm… I feel a little curious about your profile…”

Which has elements of the masculine and feminine. But it feels okay to me… Hmmm. I’m floating, and feeling calm… remembering that this is about me and healing… if someone steps up, great, f not… I will carry on dancing my beautiful dance!

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 12:51pm
98: Daria says:

(((Liz)))

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 12:52pm
99: Lizka says:

Hi Lolita

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 12:55pm
100: Daria says:

Brenda – the challenge here for all of us is to assume the man loves us a d wants the best for us no matter what we are convinced he’s thinking /doing

Thinking about what he’s thinking doing Literrally keeps energy trapped in that state and will make it happen that way!

There do many situations that seemed going bad I rescuers by assuming the best

I thus situation w Ryan ‘come on Ryan you’re not stupid ‘ was a blame – accusing him of lying Or being stupid

The feelings were – hmm.. I’m feeling mistrustful …

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 12:56pm
101: Lolita says:

Hey Lizka, you are doing great

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 12:56pm
102: Femininewoman says:

RE 91 “Get grounded w an object Lean back even more”

Rori says in Reconnect that you always have the floor.

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 1:03pm
103: Daria says:

Brenda – if you FWel you need to let him know something…

You are already coming from a controlling urgent energy

Only speak what you don’t need to let him know.

What you would speak to an empty room or to the mirror.

‘I’m feeling heartbroken and sad, and I don’t want to do this to myself. I don’t want a guy friend here I want to be romanced and dated’

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 1:06pm
104: lk says:

@Mel 80

“LOL

“I don’t know how I could possibly be more girly! ”

hmmmm…. i recognize your description… sounds like my fairy princess baby girl lk…. : )

ummm…. i can see how she would want to “play” with Mr. A’s “girl” ……. & give him “more kisses”

hm, i feel curious about maybe if you were the silent Woman of the Ocean – the Mother Goddess – who breathes, sits still, is cavernous & holy… i feel curious about what it looks like to let his Fairy Girl flit & fly around your Goddess & bring offerings ?

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 1:08pm
105: Daria says:

FW – hell yeah stomp the floor. Think I’m grounded. And you Are…

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 1:08pm
106: Liz says:

Daria
thanks for the hug

((((Daria))))))

i feel like crying that i heard back from you.
do you feel like that is silly?

i feel like i am healing this vibe from my family.
thank-you for seeing me everybody…

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 1:12pm
107: Daria says:

Hmm… On a guy’s profile, it read “I generally spend the majority of my time attempting to appear cool so that other people will like me, with varying degrees of success”

I feel amused a d delighted. This guy is confident for being ‘honest’ about this so I trust him more.

Actually I feel like the heavens are singing because *I * do this so his honesty is allowing me to feel accepting of myself since he is.

Yay.

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 1:12pm
108: lk says:

i feel scared when i go Silent Mother Goddess….. i feel like i’ll be misunderstood or alienated… but actually, that never happens. i feel safer, more connected, more heard, more valued, more understood….. ATTUNED i want a partner who is attuned to me

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 1:13pm
109: Daria says:

Liz – I don’t think it’s silly at all. I know how moving it feels to be healing special beloved parts of myself

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 1:15pm
110: Daria says:

I notice I feel all distant and angry at Mali for judging it. I feel like she’s far away like a wall… I feel blank and wall to think of her as a person w feelings. I feel stony.

Oh and I think I felt scared.

And sad.

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 1:17pm
111: Daria says:

Sorry Mali for possibly triggering you working through my patterns

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 1:22pm
112: mali says:

@Daria,

Wow… I feel so triggered and sad…

I notice I judge, and that is part of me… but I don’t want to beat myself up for my judgemental voice, I want to embrace it, and love it, and then tell it that my heart will take it from here…

Feeling defensive

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 1:23pm
113: Daria says:

Lk I love your awareness of gaudy princess mother goddess energy. I go mother goddess ocean in my silences…
And fairy princess is my passion stories

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 1:28pm
114: Daria says:

Sorry Mali – not about you … My stuff.

I’m healing my own judgement stuff

And I’m doing it by putting my healing first and quite possibly triggering others as my expression is not fully perfect and in blaming yet

I want to heal the fear of hurting others too

And show me that it’s safe for me even if I Am seen as hurting others..

Hmm love to me

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 1:31pm
115: Daria says:

Uhoh!!! I just mirrored some ‘explaining there’

What I felt was… Scared and compassionate

Then a touch defensive

Love to me

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 1:32pm
116: Daria says:

Lk – * fairy not gaudy

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 1:33pm
117: lk says:

oh, darn !

i feel a little sad & harumph Whoosh sigh

lol that’s familiar like my sister daria : )

i do feel tired of “it” whatever “it” is…. hmmm

anyway i feel mad because my plans aren’t working out today & i feel sleepy & hollow & old

i slept last night at 3AM doing work mostly…. woke at 5:40… but fell back asleep…. my dad woke me at 6 & i had to rush off, no shower.

at least i had food from CDcd for breakfast (french toast & enough to share with my 2 good buddies at work yay) & lunch (salad & eggplant) & my buddy brought me a little food too to share : ) & my mama sent me banana bread & chocolate chip cookies & my dad made me a latte…

so even though tired, yes, fed ! that is important & nice : )

i got to work at 7 AM which felt so early (an hour and a bit before usual) & did a bunch & was super-productive all day, despite new people assigning new tasks at random points…

but then my last meeting of the day got cancelled, so i thought, oh maybe i could leave early ?

so i wanted CDcd to pick me up at 4 ? sent an email that i feel excited to see him & also tired & it would feel nice to be picked up at 4, not 5. what did he think ?

well… he called… & tried to say he could come at 4:30 but he sounded stressed, so i said, really it’s not a big deal, it would just feel good, but i have work to do & was planning on staying so don’t rush here, let’s just keep the plan & that was good & he was happy …. but then i said, i want to shower before we go to the casino & he said…. plans have changed, i’m rushing off somewhere right now but we’ll still do something fun, i just don’t know what.

bah i feel disappointed, even though i didn’t really want to go in the first place…. i spent some time getting mentally “ready” & practicing visualizing… but i will say to him that i feel disappointed & it would feel fun to go another time : ) that feels free & easy & resting tonight is actually what i need & want… CUDDLE lk wants to cuddle : ) yayyy

oh whispery now she is sweet & soft & sensitive & not grumpy whiskery rough & sour : ) ahhhhh sweet soft tiredness….. not hard, hollow bravado…. yummy

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 1:34pm
118: mali says:

Whew, okay…. feeling like I’m messing up.

MALI, STOP JUDGING.

But no, my logic will make judgements!

Yes it will… it’s okay… but we are training to see how you FEEL… How do you FEEL?

Tell the judgy voice that it is welcome here, but gently tell him, because it’s your boy here, that we’ll call on him when he’s needed…

For now, just FEEL…

When you read his profile, I know your ego came up. It felt threatened. Your boy got involved. And he’s trying to protect you.

But what was your girl saying?

She was impressed. She was smiling and twinkling, and admiring it…

Ah, see… there we go…

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 1:34pm
119: mali says:

Daria, love you. Thankyou for being authentic. It’s teaching me to feel.

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 1:35pm
120: Daria says:

Mali – if u notice your post to me had some explaining stuff, that’s a chance to retranslate your communication patterns to just feeling no control. For example ‘I notice I judge ‘ etc – you don’t need to tell me that – that’s explaining

I felt defensive/closed/tightened

I perceived it as you were blaming me for your beating yourself up or whatever and I’m like whoa girl that’s not My fault take responsibility for your stuff just cuz I feel triggered don’t mean I am beating u up or telling you to

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 1:37pm
121: Daria says:

Mali love to you too…

I’m feeling a bit scared

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 1:38pm
122: Daria says:

Ps thank you

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 1:38pm
123: Daria says:

Mali I Literrally giggled when unread she felt impressed and about twinkling.. Mm that felt fun

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 1:40pm
124: Mel says:

“i feel curious about what it looks like to let his Fairy Girl flit & fly around your Goddess & bring offerings ?”

I love you lk!

You’re right… while it’s fun to be the fairy princess baby girl Mel , it might also be fun to experiment being the Mother Goddess. What does that look like for you, lk?

No matter what I do, he does bring me tons of offerings though! I feel really happy for that!

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 1:40pm
125: Silver Moonbeam says:

Brenda – previous thread:

#1590 Brenda

Hippie sounds like another wounded boy.

What do you think?

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 1:42pm
126: River Girl says:

Thank you everyone for all the birthday wishes!!
XOXOXOXO Lots of love to you all
I was going to name you all but then I felt worried about missing someone out and I didn’t want to do that as I appreciate you all.

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 1:45pm
127: River Girl says:

Happy Birthday Tenny!

And anybody else I missed. Previous thread was getting so long and hard to follow with my slow inter webby thingy! Love how many Capricorns there are!

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 1:48pm
128: River Girl says:

“We are more impressed by a feeling of yearning inside us than a feeling of contentment”.

FW that jumped out at me too. It’s like we pay more attention to what is lacking in our lives than the abundance we all ready have. When I feel grateful, I feel content.

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 1:55pm
129: Francesca says:

Daria, I’m laying low these days and giving him a chance to get back on his feet and I kind of understand why he’s ignoring me when I use FMs. But if things don’t change…

I was just talking with someone here how men are not resistant to illness and injuries as opposed to us women. If I had a cold, I would still be doing stuff and going to work because I wouldn’t have a choice. When I injured my own knee last January, I kept working even though I was limping.

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 2:02pm
130: Francesca says:

Happy Birthday Tenny!

Lotssss of Capricorns here!

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 2:03pm
131: lk says:

awwwww i want to keep giving little amounts of affection when i can…… poor lk got so…………… what is it ? have i always had a block about giving affection ? yes….. but actually i made up for it by overfunctioning & being TOO affectionate….

now, i don’t even pretend to be OK with it when receiving affection that feels weird : )

that’s SO nice – like huge sigh of relief !

but poor CDcd now….. he said, “you have an aversion to holding my hand” & i said, “NO ! um actually it’s the opposite : ) ” sweet boy. i can hold his hand : ) i like his hands…….. TONS actually. delicious & perfect. kiss the side of his finger just in passing, casual movement & he says, “wow, thank you” like appreciate without judging as strange. i want to be authentic & do only what i want & receive only what i want… but i want to be authentic & affectionate & not blocked……

weird that i thought i felt better about the affection after i let him kiss me on the mouth in a cafe…. but then when we said goodbye…. i didn’t like the kiss i got when i let him kiss me ! like… unsatisfying. i don’t think i like to kiss goodbye, just hug. & hug only too ! feels like a bad tease to get a cheek kiss & really a horrible tease to get a mouth kiss ! when leaving for crying out loud. who wants to kiss when leaving ?

do i ?

i don’t want any leaving. no kissing when leaving. just hugs.

really ? that sounds weird & sad… ?

no kisses goodbye. just hugs.

hmmmmm… ok, lk. we’ll see.

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 2:05pm
132: Jenny says:

FW:
“I feel a deeply longing to fully surrender into a relationship where I feel safe, cherished and taken care of.”

Yes, oh yes…and maybe that is the big question about the man I talked about in the last post, the one who is now gone.

I had it with him, as much as you can by chatting, I was totelly open, warm, soft and vulnarable with him. And wow the freedom, it felt soo good. And it was also scary.
Something in him made me be totelly open to him in words, long before I found this website.

And that heart connection…made me start to rethink myself, my thoughts of feelings and way of looking at myself.

He aint standing in front of me, I mean I havent heard from him in over 3 months. I dont put so much energy into it…but last night I totelly falled down on my knee and cry. And I remember some thought, and I wanted to let them out.

If I share them with my girlfriends, mother, sisters, male friends – they all just tell me things like: “He was using you, just fooling you, you are a fool for even crying when you think about him” They are all suck up in old, judgement thinking – I didnt have the energy to stand my ground this morning.

And I choosed to say my thought to another place…where ppl see it in a diffrent light, give me diffrent ways of look at the feelings. So I then can express them to my friends and family.

Now I need to work at a Fm to a boy who have asked me out, never showed up and takes contact 2 weeks after the “date”..says nothing about he not showing up, and just keeps talking as nothing have happened. The thing is, I dont even feel the slightes intresed in him from the start…but I try to give every man who dont scary me, a chance.

“I feel a little confused. Travel to town for nothing makes me feel angry and sad. I dont want to wait for someone who dont show up” hmmm and 2 weeks after, its hard to remember exactlu how I felt – all I know is I feel totelly neutral toword him and I dont want to make plans for an new date with him.

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 2:10pm
133: mali says:

Leaning baaaaack, way, WAY baaaack…. and receiving. =)

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 2:14pm
134: lk says:

LOL that he “caught” me smelling him at the grocery & he jokingly creeped up on me & sniffed me & we both cracked up because i knew he’d known… but had been letting me ? …. hahahaha.. the whole time. ohhhh lk thought she was so sneaky…. cuddly now though : ) i get to sniff all the time, no embarrassment, it’s “normal” now : ))))

& i DID go in the shower with him. i wouldn’t the first time he asked. & i did enjoy it & say it felt nice…. : ) but then i said, “ok, i’m done. bye : )” & he thought i was talking to the shampoo bottle (supporting evidence that i’m out of my gxddxmned mind..) & i just walked out : ) but i stayed a bit just drying & lotion-ing still chatting so that was nice : ) also a warm place to stand naked & apply lotion : ) i never do that ! & next time maybe i can stay longer with him & actually really SHOWER shower & get my hair wet & stay in there without getting weird & “invaded” feeling… : )

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 2:16pm
135: Mochaberri says:

@ FW from previous post # 1604

I agree with you that he is putting an effort into being practical and wanting to save since the economy is taking a toll on everyone. I would surely check to see if and when a good time would be to talk more in depth about his comments. And this new posts and some of the comments here would be very helpful to create my script to have the conversation.

I’m feeling a bit icky about talking to him about it since our relationship seems to be full of ebbs and flows if you by any chance remember my prior posts last year.

I realize that I may be leaning foward by having this conversation with him.

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 2:34pm
136: River Girl says:

72: Mel says:

“Mr. A sent me a text this morning: “I hope the rest of your morning is really sweet like you!!! I had a very great weekend…I feel all relaxed and happy inside ; )

This made me feel all giggly because that sounds an awful lot like something I’d say… ”

Awww, I think it’s a good thing Mel. I remember reading a coach (not sure which one) saying that a man feels safe feeling and expressing his emotions when he is with a woman who shows him that she can handle her own feelings. He feels safe that she can handle his too.

Also I notice when I spend a lot of time with someone that I like I start to pick up some of their little mannerisms or expressions. I feel happy and a bit giggly when I notice a guy using some of my mannerisms or ways of expressing. Especially when they don’t realise they are doing it. It’s like we are in tune with each other.

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 2:38pm
137: Mochaberri says:

So here it goes, my script:

Hey! I’m feeling intrigued by your plans for saving that you mentioned earlier, is now a good time to get your thoughts about it?

If he says yes: Ok, well you talked about saving $200 a month which sounds really great. Is the plan for both of us to each save that amount in a joint account?

What are your thoughts Sirens??

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 2:39pm
138: lk says:

looking forward to the harder times & anticipating the disconnects…. interesting ! i’m not that scared : )

“Reconnecting” will be an adventure & a challenge… i feel curious if you go deeper in a relationship after a disconnect….

limerence ? someone said something about that earlier …. & mentioned intensity not only at the beginning but when the relationship is threatened/reconciled ?

yummy ! i feel good about welcoming conflict into my life in a healthy way that helps me grow

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 2:40pm
139: lk says:

but i don’t want unconscious “limerence” i want conscious limerence.

i don’t want to drown in my feelings…

though i do know how to swim & how to dive… i’m not scared to open my eyes underwater… & i can hold my breath for a REALLY long time : )

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 2:45pm
140: Aurora Girl says:

last night I took a real dive into FM when I was feeling vulnerable and ill at ease

My LD originally could not travel for over two weeks and neither could I. We had spent so much time together in December and over the holidays that this past weekend was the first away in a long time. We had become so close during the time spent together. I was feeling down about the distance. Somethings were going not so great during the day. Same for him though I didn’t know it at the time.

So he called yesterday morning and I was just kinda plain and quiet. He told me he missed me. He texted through the day. I told him that touched me and I missed him too. But it felt flat. Near evening he texted to ask how the rest of my day went. I was honest and said it was a hard day but tomorrow was a new day so looked forward to that.

Immediately the phone rang and he began to ask about the day. He asked if he had hurt my feelings by saying he missed me…….I said no…but just sank into the yucky feelings of the day and expressed them. He expressed his sadness too…about some things that happened in the day….men do open up when we do…..the deeper we’re willing to go the more they follow and they have so much to share when they feel comfortable…..like they know we can handle their big feelings when they can’t do it alone………

it took a while but we both came around….and the relationships deepens…..they trust us more and vice versa…..

and LD totally made a shift today and called and said he had changed his plans and he’s on his way here tomorrow for a few days.!!!!! He’s so happy. He totally stepped up to the plate. He wants to do 110%….. and keeps saying so……..

and the intimacy builds a little more…..

xo

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 3:00pm
141: lk says:

@Mel

“What does that look like for you, lk?”

hm

looks like… walking away from situations that don’t feel warm & inspiring without ANY emotional response, even internally … or just walking toward something that does feel warm & inspiring…. just going off to find something i like. moving slowly. maybe going to look out the window. not speaking. responding to speech by just looking at him & just relaxed face, no smile, just the open heart face, not hard, very soft, timeless, no agenda …… speaking low & slow…. feeling gravity….. feeling buoyancy of breath….. feeling the movement between the two …. checking on my body, going inward…. imagining something really magical or reading energy fields in silence or asking the stars a secret or whispering to the moon with my eyes…. knowing things…. remembering dreams or past lives….. receiving visions of energy fields & ties….. communing in silence with the other goddesses who i can speak to in my heart……sometimes just a soft smile at the very corners i think… like remembering something pleasant……..allowing myself to be kissed & melting into it without “doing anything” – even moving my lips…. just experiencing what a kiss feels like just receiving…… being held in silence…. asking questions with my eyes…. psychically delivering my vision of happiness : )

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 3:05pm
142: lk says:

*NOT asking questions with my eyes : )

not asking or expecting or desiring or needing or wanting ANYTHING from anyone, just melting into the abundant peace & going past time & space……easy free, no decisions, no priorities, no analysis, no cost….

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 3:08pm
143: lk says:

awww @AG – i’m so glad he’s coming to see you !!! how wonderful : )

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 3:10pm
144: Mel says:

thanks lk.

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 3:11pm
145: Hopeful says:

I cannot believe how powerful this Abraham Hicks video is. It is about a husband asking how he and his wife can get past all the fighting.

I think I would like to watch this video each day. It says put the focus on you and don’t try to change your partner’s vision of you. Because you can’t. And focus on the loving vision of the relationship you want to have, not where you are now.

It is so powerful. Take a look. And watch for the last line “How are you going to convince her.” Interesting.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MYFBckTNTOg

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 3:15pm
146: Aurora Girl says:

lk thank you…..

I opened up a lot last night…..with FMs….and the hard ones….I was crying so hard i couldn’t talk……I didn’t intend to it just flowed…..and so did he….more quietly than me …..maybe ….I was all soft and vulnerable….and scared I must tell you…….opening up so much……but it was ok……..at times we asked if this hard stuff was worth it……he said yes………I didn’t answer because I didn’t have an answer…but later I just came around……and today I texted him “we’ll pull this off….just you watch”……just about getting through the miss you times especially on hard days…..it was like I lit a fire under him…….he was so happy…..

new territory for me…having faith that my heart knows what’s its doing……..but I did say I would try to do this this year……

xo

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 3:21pm
147: Mel says:

I am fairy princess baby girl. I feel all playful and mischievous and giddy today. I want to play!

He’s always callin’ me princess, or cutie, little miss or sweets. He likes my carefree playful fun-ness.

But now I feel curious about changing it up a bit… adds to the mystery that is Mel.

I can also do sassy seductive siren… but Mother Goddess will be a fun challenge.

Ooh, but maybe I’m half-way there. Laying silently in bed reading while he fetched me coffee, then breakfast, as I gave him a sly smile, like I knew a great secret.

Mmmmm…. changing back and forth between these sireny Mels feels romantic and lovely and pleasing.

It hasn’t even been one day and already he’s asking when I’ll be back… but this week I’m taking some time for me. I have sooo much I want to do to feel all refreshed and renewed and more sireny yet.

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 3:30pm
148: Senior Lady Vibe says:

@1522: light heart says:
“..OH! he must have been really angry!
i feel curious, SLV, who’s this possibly un-gentlemanly “he” thou dost speaketh of ?…”

Angry, probably. Hateful too. When I heard that line in the film the phrase “southern gentleman” came to my mind…

The guy was a Texas guy in the late 1950s. He wasn’t named in the film documentary but others are: Texas elected officials etc along with their speeches against Barbara Smith Conrad when she was a young university student chosen to sing lead in a university opera production.

At the end of the documentary Ms Conrad is shown decades later when she returned to the Texas legislature to receive an award.

An inspiring documentary. Here are notes from PBS dot org:

“Barbara Smith Conrad is an opera singer whose distinguished career has touched the lives of audiences worldwide. She is the subject of the film ‘When I Rise.’ The film premiered at SXSW 2010. ”

http://www.pbs.org/independentlens/when-i-rise/film.html

~

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 3:37pm
149: Daria says:

Francesca – honestly i feel concerned hearign that you understand why he’s ignoring your FM’s

it sounds like you’re shooting yourself in the foot by doing that and that you don’t believe you’re worthy of being heard

and also like you dont’ believe what you want is GOOD

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 3:38pm
150: Senior Lady Vibe says:

@134: River Girl says:
“I feel happy and a bit giggly when I notice a guy using some of my mannerisms or ways of expressing. Especially when they don’t realise they are doing it. It’s like we are in tune with each other.”

Mirroring…

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 3:39pm
151: Senior Lady Vibe says:

another mirror

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 3:40pm
152: Daria says:

im feeling a lil upset

i have that fuzzy feeling of confusion roarign silence around me as i shut down as i was being attacked

my mom literally stood in front of the door and wouldnt let me leave as she told me stuff in a talking at me tone

it felt awful and then i eventually left the yelling continued then later i heard my dad get into it (against me) and

good for me i turned up the water in the bathroom and locked myself there not to hea

i also wenton the baclony soi couldnt hear

id like to say NO even MORE early and ina kind way

i want to keep on focusing ont he vision fo the healed family

i have a date with LoverCD in a few min, he asked me to the movies

i feel a lil sad as i havent’ seen him since last time when we were kinda intimate and haven’t heard form him in weeks (except he did leave a voicemail asking me out for new years0

i think hes just clueless oh well i will see how i feel
with himtoday

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 3:41pm
153: Starla says:

Hi Lovely Sirens:)

I’m not posting during the day much anymore because I feel really anxious trying to sneak in posting at work…I don’t have to hide my secret internet browsing from my coworkers, but I DO want to hide that I’m here talking about very personal stuff. And definitely have to hide it from the bosses, which is hard to do because this website is PINK hehehehe.

It gives me such a bad case of nerves trying to post here while I’m at work. I decided to stop torturing myself like this.

The other big reason I won’t post here during the work day anymore as much is because I don’t feel as healthy as I could feel thinking about these guys (and especially CF) during my work day. ‘If he’s not in front of you, he doesn’t exist.’ I think my love life would feel easier if I let it go during the day, and just focused on me.

But, you know, it’s my nature to try to distract myself with men and other problems from work/goals. So hopefully this little tweak to my life will help in both my love and professional lives.

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 4:13pm
154: Femininewoman says:

RE 135 Mochaberri Remember he is the one with the plans so I would not go into asking any questions if he says okay. I would just ask him to tell me the plans and just really listen to him. I believe the second part is too leading. What if he doesn’t have a joint account in mind?

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 4:22pm
155: Turquoise says:

Hi Sirens,

I heard back from that guy on POF, and another who pretty much said he knew the area I lived in, was interested in meeting, wanted to know when I was free. I wrote back and said maybe we should start by exchanging names. lol.

I feel a little snarky today, it’s Monday, work was boring, I can’t catch this damn mouse, and I have a twinge in my back from moving some heavy totes in my room.

I don’t want to share my snarkiness… so will hold back my comments and just read what is happening with all of you lovely ladies!

Mel, sounds like he’s mirroring and I’ve had that happen before too…lol. Good for a giggle

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 4:24pm
156: Turquoise says:

I echo FW in 152!

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 4:25pm
157: Femininewoman says:

Jenny I experienced that once with a guy and for me it was a dealbreaker. I did not reach out to him. I waited until he contacted me and I told him that my gut was telling me that something was up with him. I was not prepared to plan a date him with him again and for me I was not about to put in any energy into getting angry at him. It just was not worth it so I just walked away. There is nothing to negotiate with someone who does not show up for the first date with no indication or contact to say he was not going to show up. What this is saying is that this is how he will be behaving in the future. Just forget about him I guarantee others will contact you.

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 4:29pm
158: Femininewoman says:

In Reconnect Rori’s feeling message was “I feel crumby when I wait around for people” and she suggests don’t wait around. If he keeps you waiting when you date, maybe wait 15 minutes and then just leave.

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 4:32pm
159: Femininewoman says:

Turq I see no problem practicing using your snarkiness, if it can be translated in feeling messages. I would at least check my emails and see how I feel when reading them. Then practice writing out a response and reading it back to see what kind of impression it creates.

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 4:34pm
160: luzydel says:

So “Mr.S” Offered me to buy a house together…out of nowhere, were not even a couple anymore…I smell opportunism on his part, or maybe I am just too jaded to believe him… I don’t have enough money for the down payment, and he said he loan me the money and even help me fix it…why? we are talking about a guy that did not want anything to do with me almost 2 months ago…Why do I feel so suspicious?

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 5:10pm
161: Francesca says:

Daria #147

Daria, he was sick with a bad cold and you know how some men are when they are ill (big babies ahah). He’s also not the most communicative person when it comes to feelings. That’s why I was asking how to get him to open up more in a previous thread – the answer I got was that it wasn’t my job to do that, to just communicate my own FMs and that he would eventually get the drift and do the same. It takes a little longer than I thought, that’s all.

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 5:32pm
162: Joyful_Siren says:

Hi Rori, Hi Sirens,

I’ve been using the Tools with a man that I’ve been dating for about 10 months. They’ve been working beautifully, and he’s talking about buying me a ring. This past weekend he took me out of state to his family’s house to celebrate a late Christmas with them. I loved his whole family! Now that I’ve come back, and I feel like I love him, and I love his family, I feel shaky. I’ve called him once and texted him in the day since we’ve been back, which I had not done before. I’ve only let him chase me. I’ve let him row the boat! I feel like I’m so close to my happy ever after, and I feel scared that I might do something to mess it up. I’m feeling bad for calling him and texting him. I feel better when he initiates contact. I’ve been leaning back for 10 months. I can keep it up until I get the commitment that I want. Right???

Joyful_Siren
xoxo

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 5:45pm
163: VW says:

Mali:

I felt smiley and felt the playfulness in your voice …even though u chose to lean fwd

I command your bravery to explore yourself…and have fun with it…

Disclosure: Mali is just beginning to exploring dating…her youth and innocence is to be encouraged …through playfulness …:)

I felt happy that Daria helped you…and you were open to receive her advise…and constructive criticism…she helped me a lot too

About the judgements and triggers you have expressed reading profiles of men/boys , well…i noticed u say “i feel this…” and then stop…at that…

now, its an opportunity to go the next level…”i feel this…and that feels like (check for body sensations…)…and move to the next feeling…next sensation…and pay attention if thoughts/memories sneak through that trigger these feelings… bring them out to light…;)

Something like…”wow…i feel scared when reading this…and that feels like nausea in my tummy…it reminds of what my mom told me…not to ever do…or if i do this…something would happen to me…etc…”

Anyway, you are doing awesome…I feel happy to notice your courage and voice getting stronger to express uncomfortable situations…now, lets dig in deeper…:)

lots of love,

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 6:38pm
164: Turquoise says:

Where are all you sirens tonight?

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 6:41pm
165: luzydel says:

Wondering the same thing…where is everyone?

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 6:54pm
166: Turquoise says:

Luzydel, who is Mr. S and does he want to live there together or help you buy it just for you?

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 6:56pm
167: Aurora Girl says:

Well T
First day back to school for kids and some back to work full time again this week…just doing what needs to be done,…..the glamourous (hot bath) and not so glamourous (cleaning the bathroom, kitchen ,etc.). lol

didn’t have a lot of time to read the blog or write tonight….

but hope everyone is doing ok…

time for beauty sleep lol and sending good vibes

**~~**~~

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 6:59pm
168: siren song says:

It’s amazing how much things can change. Went over to my ex’s tonight to pick up some stuff and he’s sitting there super-high on hard drugs with his best friend who makes me feel creepy. I really see how far I’ve come! I used to want to hang out there, nasty drugs and jerky friends and all. I feel compassion and all the good stuff, but for me too, not just him.

I notice how little I feel like suffering for ‘love’ anymore. I feel sad that I wasted years with someone who seems incapable of treating himself properly.

Thank god I never married him. Whew.

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 7:00pm
169: LILI 41 says:

Thank You for sharing your stories AG and Mel !!!

Absolutely loved it!

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 7:02pm
170: Turquoise says:

I’m heading to bed soon too AG, not in the mood to clean, and rarely get enough sleep, so will be good for me!

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 7:03pm
171: luzydel says:

@163

He is a guy a dated last summer until November…He broke up with me because he did not see us working out in the future; I felt heart broken, but I left it alone and now he is sort of back, but I know he doesn’t want me. Yesterday he said I wanted to buy a house with him…I felt confused and Now I need to distance myself again. This guy is an opportunistic hidden behind a nice guy face…there are other things I wont mention…I feel like a fool for having my hopes up again

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 7:24pm
172: Femininewoman says:

Luzydel I would share with him understand what circumstances I would be open to co-owning a property with a man.

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 7:25pm
173: Femininewoman says:

If I may Luzydel I can’t see any reason for you to feel like a fool. For the most part you focussed on yourself and leaned back with this guy. You might have gone off course for a bit here but you got to know yourself a bit better, got clear on what you really want and are now clear how much of what this guy is about is unattractive to you. Sometimes we need a do-over to clear up our clouds. I believe that was what happened for you here and you are not going into anything with your eyes closed and unconscious. You are looking at things with a new level of awareness. You seem brave to me. You are not all besotted and pining over him.

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 7:29pm
174: Femininewoman says:

Soory meant “under” what circumstances.

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 7:30pm
175: luzydel says:

@169 I was very open with him over the phone and I said I feel very flattered he offered, but That I wont do it because, I need to know I can count in a man 100 percent, that I cannot be a business partner with someone I have mixed emotions right now. That it can get confusing…

he said “I have so many good things in front of me, but yet I cannot make up my mind…what is wrong with me?” I just said I don’t know…

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 8:13pm
176: tenny says:

@ FW #1550

“tenny CD asertive sounds like he is not sure? I am not sure I would trust that for the long term.”

I agree with you – I was getting a feeling of giving him time and space so I feel safe no matter what comes my way.

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 8:32pm
177: tenny says:

Thank you FW, Rivergirl and Francesca for the birthday wishes!!

Happy Belated Birthday River Girl and all the other Capricorn Sirens!!!

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 8:34pm
178: VW says:

Luzydel:

hmm..u story feels like deja vu to me…

someone I dated without using names here…was indeed non challant about using women to invest in property…his credit sucked…so, he needed women with good credit to help him purchase…

my heart feels tight and so tempted to encourage u…listen to u instinct…1st reaction…don’t do it…:(

i won’t go into more details…but it could become very painful…

never “sleep” with someone u doing business with…unless he is u husband…i wouldn’t even do business with my family…:(

warm hugs

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 8:37pm
179: tenny says:

I leaned forward today . . . (spanking the back of my hand – bad tenny): I invited CD hood to my party next weekend and he accepted. I felt bad for doing it, but felt elated that he accepted. Leaning back, Leaning back leaning back and no overfunctioning. Have to keep remembering this!

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 8:38pm
180: siren song says:

Happy birthday, tenny! Yay! Lots of goat ladies on the blog (capricorns)!

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 9:21pm
181: Kayla says:

Hello everyone…
I wish I had something positive to write on here today but well I feel bad saying that, I don’t… Today I feel just as bad as I have every other day… Dealing with depression makes this stuff soo much harder.. which makes my depression feel 10 times worse.. I really do need to go see a doctor and I am going to soon.. Today my family and I had a big argument.. I wanted to be alone, just like I do every day when I am at home with my family… And well people kept bugging me, soo I had a very negative reaction when I just felt like I couldn’t take it anymore.. I yelled at my little sister, told my mom that I hated being around her, tried telling my gma that the only person I actually enjoy being around is her but she’s never around anymore… All of these things backfired on me and I have felt horrible ever since… I feel soo bad for talking to my mom and sister the way I did tonight.. My mom told me to get out of this house and I feel angry at this, she says she tries to get closer to me and make our relationship stronger, but the truth is, she doesn’t and neither does my grandma, everytime my feelings get hurt and I start to feel angry, they walk away from me and ignore me as if how I feel does not matter.. sometimes they even call me names and make fun of me for the way I feel… But for some reason I STILL feel bad about telling this to my mom.. But I also feel as if she is a BIG reason why I have soo many emotional problems. When I told my grandma that the only person I enjoy being around is her, but she’s never around anymore, all she had to say was that she has a life… And then she felt bad because I told my mom that I didn’t like to be around her and I can’t help the way I feel, and you know what my grandma told my mom??? She said you know, you could have avoided this by just getting abortions with all these kids.. WHO THE FUCK DOES SHE THINK SHE IS!!!!! This hurt me so bad inside! I can’t help that I don’t like being around my mom.. She has put me through soo much! And she still continues to hurt me.. For ex: she had an ex boyfriend who she got together with when I was about 11.. Well they split up when I was about 16 and it took her a long time… He treated my siblings and I like crap. Calling us names all the time, abusing us physically and verbally, never trying to be nice to us… We hated eachother… And what’s worse??? My mom sat there and let him do this to us… She blamed it all on us and our behavior!! Soo I moved out of there and in with a friend and I was VERY unstable for the next couple years after that, my mom got into drugs very bad and well I almost ended up in a foster home.. But then I moved in with my grandma and everything got better for a while.. We never fought I was pretty content with my life for once, I finally felt like I could trust an adult with my personal problems… Well then my grandma decided to move in with my mom so that she could find a better job.. Soo we moved in with my mom.. our plan was that we would both find jobs and get an apartment together… Well then she met her boyfriend and pretty much moved out and just abandoned me here. She isn’t even looking for a job.. I am but it’s pretty hard to find one right now. And now I just feel soo alone.. And what’s even worse than that is I feel so betrayed by my mom.. She PROMISED my siblings and I that she would NEVER get back together with her ex boyfriend, she gave us her word, she knows we hate him with a passion, and two weeks after she gave us her word, he was living back here again… And still is, after almost two years of them being separated… He hasn’t changed a bit and my mom still lets him walk all over us… I feel soo ughh just horrible!!

I know this is very long and has absolutely nothing to do with relationships, but I feel like this is the only place I can turn to anymore.. I feel so lost and I feel like the way I was raised and have grown up has a huge toll on my emotional problems, therefore linking to my social and relationship problems… I know that if I pull myself out of this depression, that things will go better for me, but right now, I feel so weak inside and out. And it honestly hurts worse than anything. . . I’m only 19, I don’t understand why I have to deal with this… I’ve had to deal with this unstableness, and emotional problems, and feelings of abandonment, and unimportant to anyone, my whole entire life…

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 9:50pm
182: Brenda says:

Francesca,

RE: #71 – Very interesting! Thank you! I love learning stuff like that! Fits me!

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 9:54pm
183: Kayla says:

Hello everyone…
I have to put this in seperate posts otherwise it will not go through..I wish I had something positive to write on here today but well I feel bad saying that, I don’t… Today I feel just as bad as I have every other day… Dealing with depression makes this stuff soo much harder.. which makes my depression feel 10 times worse.. I really do need to go see a doctor and I am going to soon.. Today my family and I had a big argument.. I wanted to be alone, just like I do every day when I am at home with my family… And well people kept bugging me, soo I had a very negative reaction when I just felt like I couldn’t take it anymore.. I yelled at my little sister, told my mom that I hated being around her, tried telling my gma that the only person I actually enjoy being around is her but she’s never around anymore… All of these things backfired on me and I have felt horrible ever since… I feel soo bad for talking to my mom and sister the way I did tonight.. My mom told me to get out of this house and I feel angry at this, she says she tries to get closer to me and make our relationship stronger, but the truth is, she doesn’t and neither does my grandma, everytime my feelings get hurt and I start to feel angry, they walk away from me and ignore me as if how I feel does not matter.. sometimes they even call me names and make fun of me for the way I feel… But for some reason I STILL feel bad about telling this to my mom.. But I also feel as if she is a BIG reason why I have soo many emotional problems. When I told my grandma that the only person I enjoy being around is her, but she’s never around anymore, all she had to say was that she has a life… And then she felt bad because I told my mom that I didn’t like to be around her and I can’t help the way I feel, and you know what my grandma told my mom???

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 9:54pm
184: tenny says:

Thank you Siren Song!!! Love you new name!!!

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 9:55pm
185: Kayla says:

She said you know, you could have avoided this by just getting abortions with all these kids.. WHO THE FUCK DOES SHE THINK SHE IS!!!!! This hurt me so bad inside! I can’t help that I don’t like being around my mom.. She has put me through soo much! And she still continues to hurt me.. For ex: she had an ex boyfriend who she got together with when I was about 11.. Well they split up when I was about 16 and it took her a long time… He treated my siblings and I like crap. Calling us names all the time, abusing us physically and verbally, never trying to be nice to us… We hated eachother… And what’s worse??? My mom sat there and let him do this to us… She blamed it all on us and our behavior!! Soo I moved out of there and in with a friend and I was VERY unstable for the next couple years after that, my mom got into drugs very bad and well I almost ended up in a foster home.. But then I moved in with my grandma and everything got better for a while.. We never fought I was pretty content with my life for once, I finally felt like I could trust an adult with my personal problems…

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 9:55pm
186: Brenda says:

Tenny,

Happy Birthday!

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 9:55pm
187: Kayla says:

She said you know, you could have avoided this by just getting abortions with all these kids.. WHO DOES SHE THINK SHE IS!!!!! This hurt me so bad inside! I can’t help that I don’t like being around my mom.. She has put me through soo much! And she still continues to hurt me.. For ex: she had an ex boyfriend who she got together with when I was about 11.. Well they split up when I was about 16 and it took her a long time… He treated my siblings and I like crap. Calling us names all the time, abusing us physically and verbally, never trying to be nice to us… We hated eachother… And what’s worse??? My mom sat there and let him do this to us… She blamed it all on us and our behavior!! Soo I moved out of there and in with a friend and I was VERY unstable for the next couple years after that, my mom got into drugs very bad and well I almost ended up in a foster home.. But then I moved in with my grandma and everything got better for a while.. We never fought I was pretty content with my life for once, I finally felt like I could trust an adult with my personal problems…

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 9:57pm
188: Kayla says:

Well then my grandma decided to move in with my mom so that she could find a better job.. Soo we moved in with my mom.. our plan was that we would both find jobs and get an apartment together… Well then she met her boyfriend and pretty much moved out and just abandoned me here. She isn’t even looking for a job.. I am but it’s pretty hard to find one right now. And now I just feel soo alone.. And what’s even worse than that is I feel so betrayed by my mom.. She PROMISED my siblings and I that she would NEVER get back together with her ex boyfriend, she gave us her word, she knows we hate him with a passion, and two weeks after she gave us her word, he was living back here again… And still is, after almost two years of them being separated… He hasn’t changed a bit and my mom still lets him walk all over us… I feel soo ughh just horrible!!

I know this is very long and has absolutely nothing to do with relationships, but I feel like this is the only place I can turn to anymore.. I feel so lost and I feel like the way I was raised and have grown up has a huge toll on my emotional problems, therefore linking to my social and relationship problems… I know that if I pull myself out of this depression, that things will go better for me, but right now, I feel so weak inside and out. And it honestly hurts worse than anything. . . I’m only 19, I don’t understand why I have to deal with this… I’ve had to deal with this unstableness, and emotional problems, and feelings of abandonment, and unimportant to anyone, my whole entire life…

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 9:58pm
189: siren song says:

Tenny, thanks! It feels good on me.

Good night sirens!

Xo

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 9:58pm
190: tenny says:

((((((((((((Kayla))))))))))))))

The first step is seeing and feeling the problem.

You are going to be okay – you just need to explore all of your feelings and thoughts in session. A lot of Rori’s material can help also – commitment blueprint (healing, etc.) Toxic men (the first sections are really really good!)

Love to you – we care about you here!

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 9:59pm
191: tenny says:

Thank you Brenda!!!

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 10:01pm
192: Kayla says:

Thank you Tenny.. <3

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 10:12pm
193: Brenda says:

(((Kayla)))

RE: #179

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 10:18pm
194: Emerson says:

Rori says:
“For me it starts with feeling intimate with ME – where I’m hearing all the voices inside me and not ignoring any of them”

I was just thinking about something similar the other day…listening to the little voice on my shoulder rather than squashing it. I don’t want to abandon myself.

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 10:24pm
195: Brenda says:

(((Kayla)))

RE: #183 – You are welcome to write about your depression and family struggles here. What I have realized is that successful romantic relationships are all based in loving myself. And that involves healing family relationships from childhood and inner peace of mind.

I have recently pulled out of depression after being in it for over 40 years. I still struggle with it everyday, but I have learned that the mind is the battlefield.

My all-time favorite music artist, Larry Norman, wrote a note to me after a concert, “Look deep inside, and when you locate the sadness, give it a vacation, and focus on the simple things.”

Here are the lyrics of one of his songs for your encouragement:

It’s Only Today that Counts

It ain’t no use to lay in bed at night
And worry about the past
About how you could have done things differently
But things just happened way too fast.

Go on, close your eyes, and fall asleep
Let the angels guide your dreams.
And let that pain unwind behind you
And float away, on silent streams.

You gotta live your life the best you can
Though you sometimes do your worst.
And learn to laugh when you fail, it’s not the end of the world
Your life’s is a play you can’t rehearse.

Don’t make big plans for tomorrow,
You can’t control what lies ahead.
You must try to live each moment
As it comes instead.

There is no use dreaming of a perfect future
Or regretting a troubled past.
It’s only today that counts
Live it like it might be your last.
It’s only today that counts
Live it like it might be your last.

It never helps to worry, it never hurts to pray,
Tomorrow will come soon enough; just pray about today.
And relax, trust your life to God,
The future is in his hand,
Only faith will help you face each day’s demands.

Ain’t no use worrying, life goes so fast.
It’s only today that counts
Live it like it might be your last.
It’s only today that counts
Live it like it might be your last.

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 10:26pm
196: Emerson says:

Rori says
“When you don’t feel loved, honored, cared for, appreciated – how do you say that to your man?

If I made it a game for you, where you couldn’t vent, or yell, or complain, or make him wrong – or even say the word “you” to him – how would you say it?

In the most truthful, fully expressed way possible?

Write it out for yourself (and post it here if you like) – and then TRANSLATE it into Feeling Messages.

Just rework what you instinctively want to say – how you want to hurl your upset at him – and write it all in POETRY, from your heart.”

***************
When I read this I felt overwhelmed and totally incapable…I started reading this again and again trying to break the steps down of what I’m supposed to do…I feel confused and not able to do this at all. EEk. I’m not doomed it’s ok Emerson.

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 10:26pm
197: Emerson says:

(((KAYLA)))
omg..Kayla, my heart is breaking reading your posts. I’m so sorry hon. You are still so young, and it’s hard to get started in life without support.

I am so sorry for your depression, and I must say you do sound like a very grounded and self aware young lady! Kayla, you are a beautiful, unique, special woman!

I am so glad you came on the blog to let all this out!

It hurts to hear people you love say hurtful things!

My situation was not quite as dramatic, but my parents expected me to be an adult at 18, and my Dad and I did not get along. He told me to move out and my Mom didn’t protest, so I had to go. It was so unstable and hard for me to make ends meet and go to school, work, etc. I felt so rejected and insecure in so many areas. I ended up partying alot and having boyfriends that ended up being jerk asses.

I still resent this (I’m working on letting it go) and I am 40 years old. I don’t want you to repeat my mistakes of trying to hide depression and rejection with alcohol and toxic men.

I am not sure if this is the correct advice, but I almost feel like telling you to get far away from your family for a while.

You see, even though that is probably what I should have done; moved far far away to get clarity…and reinvent myself on my own…I kept in semi close proximity to my folks for a long time and I always wanted to try and win back their approval and I wanted them to just be my PARENTS and support me.

Anyway, I am so sorry about you growing up with your Mom’s mean boyfriend and I am sooo sorry for what you Grandma said about the abortions.
Not ok.
You don’t deserve it.
Don’t be too hard on yourself for the outburst you described today. Tomorrow is a new day.

Love, hugs and prayers,
Emerson

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 10:37pm
198: Brenda says:

(((Kayla))),

Here are some of the things that have helped me manage and eventually pull out of depression:

1. Medication is the best thing (I see you said that is in process).

2. Thought control: The mind is the battlefield. The way Dominique says it is when Negative Voices flow, shut them up by giving them a cookie and sending them to the corner. Then I gently replace the negative thought with a comparable positive thought.

For example, if I think, “I hate living here!” I gently replace it with, “I am heading for a beautiful future! I am going to devise a plan to get on my own so I don’t have to subject myself to this toxic situation.”

3. Friends – Surround yourself with people who influence you toward positivity, success, and enjoyment. This blog is fantastic for that, and it’s a major reason I come back day after day and spend so much time here! These are self-aware women who really care about themselves and others! I learn and grow on here like crazy!

It is also more important to have friends in person, people to hang out with and hug and laugh with! Check out meetup dot com or a church or some other support group.

4. Self-help books and/or biographies can be like friends you can turn to any time. I love to read inspiring true stories of people who turned their lives around and made a major impact on society! I learn from them!

5. Do at least one thing each day you don’t feel like doing, even if it’s as minor as taking a shower or walking around the block. Taking care of yourself will lift you up, even tho it seems minor at the moment.

6. Write the ten things you enjoy doing most, and do one of them when you feel lousy. Tonight I just bought myself a sketch pad! I am reopening my passion for art that I had in high school!

7. Try Rori’s tool of painting yourself in love!

8. Look in the mirror, directly into your eyes, and say, “Kayla, I love you and accept you, exactly the way you are.”

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 10:39pm
199: Emerson says:

165 ((siren song))
Wow, that’s heavy. Thanks for sharing that. I feel the same way a lil bit.
I was in a relationship with a toxic addict myself, and one day I just SWITCHED and said nope…no more. I never touched drugs in my life (just alcohol). I was suddenly SO scared!!! And extremely turned off, and there was no going back, painful as it was for me and my lil heart.

I KNEW it was soo bad, and sooo DARK what he was doing. I had too much light I had let into myself, I couldn’t stand to be in his darkness.

That’s what happened to you siren song…you have too much light now…you cannot tolerate being around his dark world…and miss siren, that is HUGE progress!!!!!

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 10:44pm
200: Brenda says:

(((Kayla))),

I wonder if it would be wise to get a social worker involved in your home situation? It’s ify, because they could possibly make it worse. Sometimes it’s trouble to get any kind of agency or governmental authority involved. But if not, I wonder if a minister at a church could help or someone in an AA type group. I can’t think of the name of the one for children of alcoholics, something like that. There’s a support group for people with toxic family members.

I have found that even tho it’s so hard to ask for help, sometimes I just can’t make it without help. There is something so secure and empowering about having community! I have been enjoying that like never before with my church. It’s like moving a problem with a snow blower instead of a shovel!

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 10:47pm
201: Brenda says:

Silver Moonbeam,

RE: #123 – Yes, Hippie is another wounded boy. I don’t want to turn him down, tho. I am sure it was really a major thing for him to ask me for a date. And Rori says to say yes, even if you don’t think he is marriage material. It is good practice dating, for both of us.

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 10:51pm
202: Brenda says:

Daria,

RE: #101 – “Brenda – if you FWel you need to let him know something…

You are already coming from a controlling urgent energy

Only speak what you don’t need to let him know.

What you would speak to an empty room or to the mirror.

‘I’m feeling heartbroken and sad, and I don’t want to do this to myself. I don’t want a guy friend here I want to be romanced and dated’”

Thank you! Very good.

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 10:55pm
203: Brenda says:

Daria,

RE: #99 – “Brenda – the challenge here for all of us is to assume the man loves us a d wants the best for us no matter what we are convinced he’s thinking /doing

Thinking about what he’s thinking doing Literrally keeps energy trapped in that state and will make it happen that way!

There do many situations that seemed going bad I rescuers by assuming the best

I thus situation w Ryan ‘come on Ryan you’re not stupid ‘ was a blame – accusing him of lying Or being stupid

The feelings were – hmm.. I’m feeling mistrustful …”

Yes, I cringed when that came out of my mouth! Yikes! It is a challenge to stay with feeling messages when in conversation. But I think I cleared it up quickly. I apologized. And I know I shouldn’t have initiated.

I just am baby stepping and doing things at my pace. But I really appreciate your feedback.

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 11:01pm
204: Starla says:

Kayla, you are not alone. I feel glad to see you at 19 seeing that you have been dealt the unfortunate hand of your mother (no offense to her) and will need to put special thought and work into every meaningful relationship you may ever hope to have.

it sucks.

my mom left me when i was still in high school to go run about with a man. i was the only one working to pay our rent…etc. etc.

i’m 27 now and i’ve been through some serious relationship trash because of how i was brought up by my single mom. and i’m just barely starting to deal with it all.

to be so self aware at 19 is a huge blessing. at 19 i was just drinking a lot and occasionally popping pills and hanging out with a bunch of weirdos, lol. i laugh now but it was depressing and tragic. if i had put that energy into learning more about myself emotionally, i would have been saved a lot of romantic abuse down the line.

But now I am focused on it and life is seriously better than ever.

Rori is a huge help too! This blog = more help than my therapist, BUT my therapist has been a big help too:)

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 11:05pm
205: Brenda says:

Daria,

RE: #99 – I also wanted to say that I’ve tried, “I feel mistrustful” before with him, and it turns him off bigtime. He will say, “If you don’t trust me, then why do you want to be my friend? We can’t be friends if you won’t trust me.”

I lost a girlfriend by saying that.

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 11:08pm
206: Brenda says:

Here is what I decided about Ryan…

I am going to just let him contact me when he contacts me. I am not ready to end it. But I am going to use strong friendship boundaries.

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 11:10pm
207: Brenda says:

And this song is another reason to not end my friendship with Ryan….and I dedicate it to SLV!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C8QJmI_V3j4&feature=colike

By Your Side, by Sade

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 11:14pm
208: Emerson says:

199 Starla I’m sorry that happened to you.
I liked reading your response it felt authentic and raw…I feel warmed by your compassion toward Kayla and I feel compassion for both of you and for me myself too…yes you Emerson!!

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 11:23pm
209: Brenda says:

A free vacation…for ten minutes…for you…right now!

Enjoy!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FzgIhi8Yky8&feature=colike

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 11:25pm
210: Brenda says:

Tenny,

RE: #176 – LOL, and give compassion to your weak parts! They get slathered in love, too!

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 11:27pm
211: Emerson says:

Something occurred to me tonight (that’s been happening to me a lot lately)…I thought about my Mom’s past and how her father was physically abusive toward her mother (my grandmother) and I realized how I think I may have picked up on that energy for so long…since I was young…and I didn’t even KNOW about the abuse till a couple of years ago.

It’s like it’s been following me around like a shadow…and I never knew what it was! I swear it sounds crazy..but ever since I found out about the abuse, I’ve actually begun healing and making sense of so much…that before was such a mystery and I would blame myself or think I’m crazy. Now I really think it goes back to that abuse…

It makes me so sad to think about my grandmother in that situation…she was an orphan and had no father. I have to stop writing about it now. It is making me so sad.

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 11:28pm
212: Emerson says:

Has anyone heard of DNA having a memory or something like that?? This maybe is going to sound crazy..but I swear I’ve had “memories” of being beat/hit by a man and covering my head and my face and feeling just terrified and full of rage!!!
I have had like awake dreams about it (or half awake) and it seem so real like did I really experience that? But guess what, I’ve NEVER been hit by a man. My Dad never hit me, ever. No man ever has.
Then I thought…maybe the memory is in my DNA and it’s my grandmother who I am remembering going through that…it’s so intense…I hate it and I want her to fight back so badly.

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 11:31pm
213: Emerson says:

BTW re 207 I’ve had these “visions” my whole life…waaay before I knew about the abuse she endured.

Monday, 9 January 2012 @ 11:32pm
214: Daria says:

Emerson – yeah I cleared some stuff like that before

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 12:03am
215: Silver Moonbeam says:

#204 Brenda

Thank you for my free trip, all that sailing around and I didn’t have to row the boat once.

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 12:13am
216: Brenda says:

Emerson,

RE: #206 – 208 – Your experience is generational and here is a reference for it: “For I, the Lord your God, am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children to the third and fourth generations of those who hate Me, but showing mercy to thousands, to those who love Me and keep My commandments.” (Exodus 20:4-6)

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 12:14am
217: Silver-Tongued Siren says:

emerson, I’m not sure about the visions, but i know that i have strong connections to interests and skills of my parents, great grandparents and great great grandparents.

My parents, I was not raised by (having them only a tiny bit around until I was almost 2, but mostly was with grandparents, and then stayed with grandparents when my mom died and my dad just didn’t come around). My great and great-great grandparents, i never met.

Artistic skills, extreme interest in horses- raising and breaking them.. (my dad was a very talented artist, and my great great grandfather wrangled wild horses and sold them to the army). also very obsessed with indian ways and artifacts, gypsy-traveller type things, and “old” ways of doing things (I used to wash clothes on an old wash-board when I was little, etc), … I have some amount of indian blood (but didn’t know this then), my grandmother told me about her mother telling her we were part “black dutch” which is either indian or traveller..similar to “black irish”. and the old stuff, well that could have been anyone. I spent my days as a child foraging for wild berries, harvesting my grandfather’s garden at precisely 6 am every saturday morning, mapping out creeks and trails, building tepees and any kind of fort, identifying plants and trees, shooting bow and arrows, trying to start fires (with sticks), using the washboard, or any “old” thing I could find, including old era clothing. searching for indian artifacts/arrowheads, practicing picking pockets for the fun of it, or convincing others of things just to see if I could (even though I was actually THE most honest child anyone had ever met) (even telling on myself I felt so guilty at disobeying the few times I really ever did), and studying stacks of books about horse care and training and breaking, drawing, learning different types of native american, “hobo”, or hieroglyphic languages/symbolism…making corn husk dolls, also taught myself to crochet, apparently my great grandmother did, but my grandma never learned. i also (just recalled) I would spent a great deal of time with some toy rifle I had, enjoying the clicking sound of it as I stood in the different positions, as in a soldiers drill. (had several ancestors in the army, perhaps that’s why?) these are all things I had an extremely strong connection to, for no reason that I can tell, yet have a connection or potential connection to relatives/ancestors.
i also am interested and naturally good at automotive repair – my dad was a mechanic and raced cars.. which I also by accident got into at an early age.

at times, though I can’t recall what the memories were, I have had what felt like memories but I was nearly 100% positive NEVER happened to me. but yet felt very real.

If skills can transfer, why not memories?

I know it’s a little not as scientifically explainable, but many sensitive/psychic people can pick up energy of experiences/memories from objects belonging to a person. particularly if the item was especially important to that person.

interesting subject.

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 12:17am
218: Brenda says:

Emerson,

You could google prayer generational curse.

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 12:17am
219: Brenda says:

Silver Tongued Siren,

RE: #212 – It’s a spiritual thing. Spiritual things can’t be deciphered intellectually.

Interesting about the Native American stuff! I am part Blackfoot, and I have also always had a keen interest in Native American things! I have lost count of the tens of romance novels I read, primarily about Native Americans in the Old West. And I am very much a part of nature…I blend with it.

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 12:22am
220: Silver Moonbeam says:

To follow on from this conversation with Emerson, it could also be re-incarnation………..

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 1:02am
221: Jenny says:

155 -156 Femininewoman

Yup…I’m feeling happy becourse he made kind of sort himself out of the game.

I have right now 6 date boked this week – so I’m not worried about that

My thoughts was how to be warm and open, not give him the blame and still let him know he have lost the chance.

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 1:09am
222: Femininewoman says:

If anything Jenny just let him know you feel suspicious and that you respect yourself too much to accept another date from him

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 2:09am
223: Femininewoman says:

Emerson I would encourage you to borrow the book Many Lives, Many Masters from the library and read it. Though I am a christian too that book was eyeopening and had some insights from the authors personal experience that has me wondering about things that people generally don’t understand.

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 2:12am
224: Femininewoman says:

Emerson it might also be the reason why you have seemed so fearful to try out tapping. There might be a lot of sadness in there that you are walking around with in your cell memory that need to released.

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 2:14am
225: Femininewoman says:

Sweet Kayla your story is heart rending but you know I believe that though you don’t understand the reason why you are going through it there is a purpose. It might be connected to your life purpose. The struggles that many people go through end up being the thing that they use to help others in their lives. Look for the blessing in the situation, I know itis hard when you are going through it but I am convinced it is for a purpose. I would encourage you to look around for a shelter or battered women’s center in your area and volunteer some time so you can feel productive during some of your free time. You just never know who you might meet that could possibly help you out of your situation. Best to you.

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 2:22am
226: Jenny says:

FW…yes, no way I will accept another date with him.

Another boy asked me out, and did the same thing. Ok I just told him cold off I had lost my intrest since he didnt come to the date.

And I almost falled of my chair laughing when his answer came:

“Too bad, I’m so intrested in you”

…yeah right I didnt answer.

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 2:38am
227: Mochaberri says:

Happy Birthday Tenny!!!

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 2:40am
228: Butterfly Wings says:

Happy birthday to all of the sirens who have celebrated their special day since I was last here! I hope you all had wonderful days!

I can’t stay long – just popping in quickly to say hi!

Life is so busy right now. I’m on a strict budget (thanks to TH’s help), and I’m now doing some freelance writing work, so on top of full time work and a trip interstate this weekend, I’m not going to have time for much else.

Things are still going great with TH. He’s still looking after me well and we are still enjoying our hour long walks most days. He cooked dinner for me last night and tonight and now I have a yummy lunch for tomorrow. Awww!

I so love that guy!

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 3:02am
229: mali says:

@ VW: I feel so grateful and so supported by your softness… so loved that I want to cry…

It takes me back to times when I would give everything to help people when younger, in listening to their problems… I would try to be their “person”, because that was the only thing to me that gave me any worth or sense of self esteem… And I want to cry for that child, and tell her that she doesn’t have to support everyone, but let people support her too… makes my throat ache and feel teary… *sigh*

I just feel so loved!

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 3:18am
230: Aurora Girl says:

Good morning Sirens

reading through the blog….some personal stories of pain and hurt..some past, some still part of our lives…..

Kayla I too can relate to your story of being at home in what feels like toxic space……for me it was when I finally left at 18 to go to school away from home that opened new doors and new people for me…..I never did get an apology from my dad (now deceased) for the abusive times and my mom would rather just forget it now (“oh you kids turned out just fine” ) but there is hope and baby steps towards better things…….

There is support here and good ideas to try on……I do hope you can reach for good things to manage the depression, all of which have been mentioned here…..taking what fits for you and working with it….moving slowly (or quickly for that matter) out of this mucky place. Depression is real and too hard to manage and heal alone at times……….There is love for you here and support…..we are real too.

xo Aurora

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 3:38am
231: Lizka says:

BW we miss you! Well I do. Lol. Happy to see that things are doing great with TH. xoxo

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 3:40am
232: Mochaberri says:

@ FW #152 and Turquoise #154

Thank you for your feedback. Well I had the conversation with him this morning. I called to see if he was going to be working overtime today because I had something for him and wanted to drop it off this evening. He works outside and I told him about some handwarmers he could use to insert in his gloves. He asked if I bought them and I said that they were only $1. This offered a great segue.

M: I chuckled and asked what is the amount I can spend before running it by him.
K: You can spend whatever you want to spend
M: Oh ok…just wondering since you riffed about me wanting to buy a new sweat suit
K: a sweat suit for you?
M: yes…and you brought up trying to save about $200 a month am I on a spending diet too?
K: I thought you wanted to save?
M: I do….Just wanted to know what’s the plan. Are we saving together? What’s your thoughts?
K: No did we start saving together?
M: No we didn’t….and that’s what I’m asking is it something we are going to start?
K: No it was for you.
M: Oh ok….well I’m already saving $200 a month
K: Oh yeah…Ok well congratulations
M:Thank you…..glad that’s cleared up

(General chit chat)

M: Ok well I’m going to get dressed now.
K: You’re going to get dressed now?
M: yes….I’m flattered you are interested in me saving… thank you I appreciate that
K: Alright so you’re gonna drop those warmers off?
M: Yes
K: ok
M: so I’ll call you when I get home

end of conversation

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 3:43am
233: Aurora Girl says:

Well Sirens

my LD texted me this morning as he is on the road and driving here….left his home at 5:30am….(he was originally going to leave at 6:30am)….he is so pumped! My children love his company here and I have not told my youngest as she will be excited when he arrives…..she literally races me to hug him when he gets out of his car…..too funny. He loves it. I took so long to introduce any of my love interests to my children I was so protective of them…..but he has captured our hearts.

I have adjusted my work day so we can spend some time…….we had a chat the other day about where things are headed and I felt good about it. The LD will always be a part of our lives I think….even if he spends a lot of time here and I there…..I think our relationship will always be “provincial” in the sense that family is in one area of the province and in another area and children are moving to other parts to go to school, etc. We will always be on the road to see them all with two home bases….one in the east and one in the west…..it’s a new concept for me…but maybe there will be some opportunity in it….the two of us gradually moving towards spending most of our time together as a unit…….we are lucky our work schedules allow it…….

and in the middle of it how do I feel…..that’s my mantra…….is there joy?

yes.

are there negative voices…..ha lol yes……

I like the idea of giving them a cookie and I think I’ll send them out to play and run somewhere else!!!!

love to you sirens…..

off to start the day!
xo
Aurora

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 3:45am
234: Aurora Girl says:

hmmmm..afterthought…..I think I needed to post that for myself…to get some kind of vision of where this LD is going……

kind of like setting my intention? focusing on a vision in relationship?

from past experience I know that’s so important….like setting a course…..

I feel clearer……

xo

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 4:22am
235: Francesca says:

You’re welcome, Brenda! I was once in your situation (not exactly the same, but similar), so I can relate. That kind of information really opened my eyes.

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 4:34am
236: Francesca says:

(((Kayla)))

I really feel for you.

It would be great if you could reach out and seek some exterior help.

I agree with the other sirens here who suggested you should probably move out. I know you’re only 19 and that it feels scary to do so but if you want to get back on track and have more control on your own life, that is the probably the best way to go.

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 4:43am
237: Femininewoman says:

That’s the way to do it Jenny. Let’s see how much he pursues you from here on.

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 5:35am
238: Lizka says:

Feeling weird this morning. Mix of sadness, angryness and nostalgy.

I feel mad at my CDs for not steping up. Are they all poofing at the same time? My god what did I do? Is it the price for a not-that-good-2-weeks-vacation? I haven’t receive ONE call or a text since I am back. From nobody except LaughingCD who answered my text message yesterday. I just couldn’t stand to have news from anybody so I sent him a FM about my vacation and he just replied “Happy New Year. I know I was jealous of your pictures [on Facebook]. Then I said nothing and that’s it.

I feel nostalgic of last fall when E was calling me every weeks to go out or to do activities and was showing me up to his friends and saying cute things. Last news I have from him are fron before Christmas. Nothing since. I feel angry to be a yo-yo date. I don’t want to be dated for two months and then ignored for 3. And then dated for anoter month. This lasted for 5 years already. I feel angry and I want to tell him. But I doubt that he cares at this point…

And I feel angry at P but I’m not sure why. An I feel teary when I think of it. I’m just aghhh that he lives His life and isn’t thinking at me. I want to yell at him that I told him to not call me if it’s not for romantic reasons so why the h*ll did you find me on Facebook when we’re not even friends there and why did you sent me a message on New Year. I said romantic reasons!! Happy New Year to everyone you know IS NOT a romantic reason.

I feel mad at me too and I feel guilty because I usually hadle it good and I don’t think too much about E and P and I don’f feel that much anger and nostalgy to be forgotten. I don’t know. Maybe I feel lonely…

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 5:42am
239: Lizka says:

And I also feel scared because one of my coworker is now posting on this blog. Actually I feel happy but weird. She’s a nice girl and she’s the one who introduced me to Rori’s programs when I was loosing P last summer. I feel I can trust her but I still feel like being naked. I really write everything i do here, all my thoughts. And until today I was anonymous. Now someone knows who i am here. Well at least I know who she is too. Lol. But what if she judges me because of the fact i am circular dating? What if she judges my feelings? I feel really naked and afraid. I Have to heal that. She’s a siren too after all. She should understand.

If you read this, you know who you are. This is not about you. It’s about me and my fears of being judged and telling my feelings. I love you and thank youfor introducing me to siren island.

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 5:43am
240: Femininewoman says:

Kayla what I am going to say is tough but unfortunately it is a reality. You have to try to find a way to take responsibility for your life. It will be a babystep to what you want and to realize for yourself that you can have some control. I have heard siomething similar to the abortion thing from my mother but it was about her own misery. I feel compassionate towards them as it relates to your anger. Nowbody really wants to be around angry people because it is contagious, it spreads like a disease so it is kind of understandable that they might not know how to help you with your anger. I am sure there is some guilt there also because they must realize that you did not ask to be here/there. Again I encourage you to look for a way that you can contribute to society to help you build up some sense of the value of your life. It will help to feed your soul and distract you for a while from your problems. It might even help you to be grateful for the little you have if you are able to help someone worse off than you. I feel for you deeply but I believe all is not lost. With a little focus you can rebuild your life.

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 6:00am
241: Femininewoman says:

As part of my research, I found and interviewed over 150 unconditionally loving people I call “Love Luminaries,” including scientists, psychologists, spiritual teachers, and people whose lives were rich in the qualities of the heart-to find out how to be unconditionally loving.

What I discovered through my research is that each of us can grow in unconditional love, the kind of love that doesn’t depend on any person or situation, what I call Love for No Reason. I found 14 keys that will help you experience this higher state of love more and more of the time. Here are three tips to get you started:

1. Anchor Yourself in Safety. Feeling stressed, unsupported, or fearful essentially takes love off-line. It’s impossible to activate the physiology of unconditional love when you’re experiencing stress and your body is in fight or flight. To quickly switch out of stress mode, take a few deep breaths and consciously relax your pelvic floor, located at the base of your body. This kick-starts your parasympathetic system and sets the stage for what mind/body health expert Dr. Eva Selhub calls your body’s “love response.”

2. Feel Your Feelings. Stifling your emotions or expressing them excessively is equally damaging to your capacity to experience unconditional love. Luckily, there’s a third option: feeling your feelings. This is not the same as “expressing, exaggerating or acting out,”as Love Luminary Raphael Cushnir told me. “All it requires is a gentle focus, a turning toward what’s actually present.”
Practice experiencing your feelings directly and completely by observing them as they move through your mind and body-and then letting them go.

3. Practice Self-Compassion. Try a simple self-love technique that brings you into your heart and reminds you to treat yourself with care. Throughout the day, ask yourself, What’s the most loving thing I can do for myself right now? or What’s the most loving way I can be with myself right now? And then pay attention to the answer and actually do whatever it is. When you love and take care of yourself, you’ll find it inevitably serves everyone.

Practice these simple exercises frequently and you’ll notice more love in your heart. Learning to experience pure love within yourself is the key to living a life of unconditional love. When you fill your own love tank, you bring that love to everything in your life.

Then, as Mirabai experienced, you still love people and things outside yourself. The difference is that your love doesn’t depend on any of those things, whether people, jobs, relationships, cars, clothes….or even cabbages.

(By Marci Shimoff. Adapted from the NY Times bestselling book Love for No Reason: 7 Steps to Creating a Life of Unconditional Love.

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 6:20am
242: Starla says:

good morning everyone:)
good morning, kayla!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

la la la
have a nice day
byeeeeeee

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 7:09am
243: River Girl says:

Have a great day Starlalala!!!!

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 7:13am
244: Mochaberri says:

After KR and I got off the phone I felt relieved that we had the conversation as well as feeling thrilled that it happened naturally without being forced and it did not turn into an arguement.

Of course I didn’t like his answers and my nasty voice wanted to shout at him asking why the fuck is he so interested in what I do with my money – why do you care whether I save or not – if I want to buy a sweat suit and new car a new couch new bed – new used or whatever what business is it of yours!!!! Who and what gives you the right to talk about to me about my finances. It’s never Ok to speak on those things if the plan is not a joint plan

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 7:17am
245: Daria says:

Mocha berry – I felt so tense reading your conversation.

If that was me, I would just stop, take a deep breath, and act like a baby/little girl

Say like : uffff

Ok …

Well there’s something I feel unconfortable about!!!!!
And I want to be open….

I don’t know how much to spend I feel weird about the savings thing and I feel weird talking about it!!!

**Sulky face**
…

Big eyes…

What do you think???

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 7:20am
246: Dominique says:

Emerson – #207

“DNA having a memory or something like that?” – Yes absolutely.

Seems unfair in a way to have to deal with out own hardships, hurts, and traumas, but to have memory of some of our ancestor’s…

Maybe it’s there to help us gain perspective and/or for deeper healing and growing. Not all people are as in tune with this kind of thing, and in this respect, it’s a good thing.

Deep awareness = Profound Healing

xxoo

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 7:21am
247: Daria says:

This feels ridiculous scary but it will instantly connect w heart warmth…

The convo seemed like you were pinking him saying sarcastic stuff and emasculating him

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 7:24am
248: Ella says:

Reporting for Team Leanback…

I have not been a good Siren.

I just leant forward with male co-worker and now feeling a lil silly and icky with myself.

I know in itself it is no big deal… just thought I knew better by now!!

So after the staff party the other night a few of us went back to his house and as per the other night he and I ended up sitting up all night chatting and cuddling.

When the morning came and everyone else had gone I was suddoenly overcome with the most excrutiating period pains… I was in agony.

I wanted to go home however neither of us had our car there so he basically put me into his bed, went and got pain killers, and then sat with me and stroked my hair until the pain killers took effect.

I was literally on the floor writhing in pain and doubled over at one point, looking back it was quite embarrassing. But he was really sweet and wanted to look after me.

After the pain eased off I wanted to sleep so he just left me there to sleep for a few hours.

Later I got up and then we spent the rest of the day cuddling and watching films.

He wanted me to stay the night but I said no, I had to go home.

He wanted to plan the next date and asked me to come over today (this evening) for pizza and a film. I said no as I have Zumba.

So then we started trying to plan when we are both of work, but were struggling to find a time when we are both free.

So we left it that we would do something at the weekend, he said how about if he takes the weekend off and spends it with me, however when I got home I realised that might even be tricky for me. I have some stuff booked.

Well today he text me to see how I am this morning and I replied, and I was thinking about it and decided that I could go and watch a film there after Zumba, but that I didn’t want to drive.

So I sent him a text, saying I could go over after all however I won’t stay the night and I would feel better being picked up so I don’t have to drive on my own in the dark.

So that was my lean forward.

He hasn’t yet replied.

No big deal however I realise it would have been better to wait for him to text me again.

I guess I was wanting something. Feeling a bit urgent (to say yes I do want to see him tonight).

I have been feeling a lil insecure and anxious this evening. And still a bit achy with my period.

The red flag I mention is that he drinks etc… however he says he doesn’t do it that often. I am watching to see.

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 7:25am
249: Mel says:

@ Emerson Re: DNA memory

It’s called epigenetics. Really cool field of study.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Epigenetics

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 7:27am
250: Mochaberri says:

@ Daria #240 – I feel bad that the conversation made you feel tense.

I wasn’t feeling uncomfortable at all talking with him about it – I simply wanted to know what his thought process was when he talked about saving as well as what his plans were about savings.

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 7:32am
251: siren song says:

emerson @ 194:

yeah, it’s hard to believe how things change when we…follow our feelings. i just feel…sad and drained around certain people like my ex now. i probably always did but didn’t notice…

hmmm

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 7:38am
252: Mochaberri says:

@Daria #242 – The convo seemed like you were pinking him saying sarcastic stuff and emasculating him

Feeling confused about your statement.

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 7:42am
253: Mochaberri says:

My comment seems to be in moderation –

After KR and I got off the phone I felt relieved that we had the conversation as well as feeling thrilled that it happened naturally without being forced and it did not turn into an arguement.

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 7:43am
254: Femininewoman says:

Mochaberri life include making mistakes so even if it was a mistake you have still learned something from the conversation. Also you being in the situation itself gave you the opportunity to use your intuition or notice where you weren’t using it. I guess you will notice later if you stepped over him in any way by his behavior towards you.

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 7:46am
255: Daria says:

I am having fun at guyfriend CD house. After LoverCD walked me here. Hehe.

Feels good.

And I feel so angry towards my house.

I feel awful and squeezed like a sponge.

Ugh.

I love me.

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 8:06am
256: Daria says:

The alone behavior I do is pick my nose. I feel so ashamed of that. Jezuz crist. I might have to keep that personal as part of my shower cleaning routine.

Hmm like that it’s nothing to be ashamed of.

I’m cleaning my nose.

I feel petrified mortified . No ! Firebrand
Unconfortable

That is Wrong.

And it is Disgusting!

You are Disgusting!

And I never want to see you again!

*end scene *

But the real life goes on.

I feel bad.

Sigh.

I feel relieved now.

I’m being left alone.

Feeling shaky.

Mom says to numb it out by saying some tasty thing.

Ugh.

No

I don’t want to.

I feel the energy.

In my hands.

Mmmm.

YMHA

Umphy.

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 8:11am
257: Mochaberri says:

@ FW #249 Yes I agree that life includes mistakes and the best part is when you learn not to make the same mistake twice.

I appreciate the feedback and welcome them all -I’m really feeling confused – I really don’t feel that I made a mistake in having the conversation with him and really feel delighted that he answered me honestly.

Stepped over him??

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 8:14am
258: Daria says:

Mocha berry at least you were sassy not doormat but now you’re gonna babysteps into vulnerable.

Like when you said ‘am I on a spending diet too? ‘ it seemed kinda sarcastic

Also when you said ‘oh just wondering cuz you ruffed’. Seems kinda blaming and bringing up a past drama

I know it was said in fun maybe and sounded friendly

But to connect w romance you have to drop any business and be all girl – all feeling messages, all poetry…

Especially none of the 4 rules for respecting a man!

And keep on surrendering

from the moment he says hello.

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 8:18am
259: Daria says:

I don’t think you really trust this Rori stuff, and that’s ok.

If you do, I would right here take the script of the convo and translate it all to fm’s and don’t wants.

Then what stands out I try next time.

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 8:19am
260: Tiffany says:

Yay! I love this post. <3

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 8:22am
261: Mochaberri says:

@ Daria #242 – after re-reading your comment as well as the convo I posted, I understand your feeling I was being sarcastic when I said am I on a spending diet and that was simply an inside thing between he and I – when we were hanging out on New Years Day after breakfast, he mentioned that after going out on NYE that he didn’t want to spend any more large amounts of money like that anytime soon – no more going out like that for a while. So I responded by saying “wow! that sounds bad to hear – are we going on a date diet?” And his response was I mean not spending anymore money like that.

I do not feel that I emasulated him in anyway and feel that you are reading more into it to come up with that and that feels awful to me. I actually did tell him that I didn’t know how much I should spend that would be acceptable before discussing it with him….however, now that I have a clear understanding that at this moment his plan is not for us to save together I do not need to discuss with him how I spend my money

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 8:28am
262: Daria says:

M: I chuckled and asked what is the amount I can spend before running it by him.

(you’re asking while laughing… Not serious… It’s like making fun of him and his idea of saving . Also you’re asking him what to do w Your money Which feels weird, especially w the threatening laughter.

It’s like ‘the innocent question’ scenario here.

It’s almost like you’re saying, w your laughter

‘I feel mad being told what to do with my finances.

While smiling and asking. It sounds like the laughter is inappropriate… Like there’s an agenda a scheme.. It feels inauthentic.)

K: You can spend whatever you want to spend

(he sounds defensive. He might feel pressured by you it’s kinda lean forward to ask him if you can spend Your Own finances. He probably feels frightened and attacked almost as in why is she asking me a Trap Question?)

M: Oh ok…just wondering since you riffed about me wanting to buy a new sweat suit

K: a sweat suit for you?
(surprised defensive)

M: yes…and you brought up trying to save about $200 a month am I on a spending diet too?

K: I thought you wanted to save?

(defensive?)
M: I do….Just wanted to know what’s the plan. Are we
saving together? What’s your thoughts?

K: No did we start saving together?

(taking feminine role to get back from pressure about suggesting saving together)

M: No we didn’t….and that’s what I’m asking is it something we are going to start?

K: No it was for you.

(relieved now, it’s just a clarification, he’s not gonna be pressured trapped into anything)

M: Oh ok….well I’m already saving $200 a month

K: Oh yeah…Ok well congratulations

(feels bad, like you’re competing e him and told him he’s not needed or . Might even be resentful like… Why is she relinquish me that shd try a rub it in how good she is?)

M:Thank you…..glad that’s cleared up

(General chit chat)

M: Ok well I’m going to get dressed now.
K: You’re going to get dressed now?
M: yes….I’m flattered you are interested in me saving… thank you I appreciate that
K: Alright so you’re gonna drop those warmers off?
M: Yes
K: ok
M: so I’ll call you when I get home
(this is so masculine energy.)

end of conversation

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 8:35am
263: Daria says:

You are dropping off leg warmers… Not creating romance. Or taking the feminine role.

Perhaps you are truly comfortable being in the masculine role and that can work for you with this man?

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 8:37am
264: lk says:

ooh i just checked out the lunch CDcd packed for me… salad, hard boiled eggs, nuts & goji berries, hummus, kale… : ))) yummy : ))) & we had the best sushi last night. healthy body lk – emotions are chemical reactions – you are what you eat : )

i feel so much better than yesterday… i got good sleep & CDcd let me sleep in so late… he woke really early to make the eggs & hummus & everything… & drove me to work…. it was so relaxing to be driven to work !

i did say, i feel so glad & relaxed to not be going to the casino tonight…. but i did feel a little disappointed. & he said, we can go later & we’ll have a special night : )

i couldn’t have gone to the casino ! he made me a cup of tea & i took 1 sip & tipped over asleep in his lap lol

cr8zy that i knew this thing about work would happen…

& yesterday we were talking about work & CDcd was making me feel amazing, saying i didn’t have to work 8 hours a day & that I should follow my passion & just telling me how good he thinks I am &…. yeah, just really nice chatting about it.

i was able to tell him, i’m able to be soft at work…. like a naked woman napping with her belly exposed…….. because i know there is a lion next to me. i’m the leo-virgo cusp – i’m the Lion & the Witch – but not frozen & separate – united & melted : ) & then later he brought me the lion blanket to cuddle with – a heavy blanket with a big lion on it… & put it on the bed when we slept, saying, the lion will protect you while you sleep naked : ) yum

i’m getting such good visions about my future & my work life : ) so cr8zy because i remember when i first got the knowledge about the big work change…. i FREAKED. like… was having stomachaches & shallow breathing when i thought of it & i convinced myself it wasn’t really going to happen, but now it is & i’m part of it ! & i have wayyy advance warning….

& i said to CDcd… yeah, it’s weird… i don’t want to move anymore, but i did want to move to california. i thought i was going to move to San Francisco & get a marketing job, but my best friend just moved to San Francisco & got the exact job i was thinking of & so maybe i was just dreaming of that…. & he said, oh, i was thinking of moving to California but I told the business i wanted to stay here & see where things went with this relationship, but if you’d be willing to move, we could get a house together in California. WHAT ?!?!?!?! that’s real. that happened. literally, all my dreams are coming true.

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 8:38am
265: Tiffany says:

I came to the blog feeling rather hopeless this morning.

Seems like all the men I get involved with/date/who are interested in me are “unavailable.” I am not necessarily picking them that way. They make themselves “available” at the beginning. In fact, I am used to having men give themselves freely to me – and it feels so good! But then, for the long term, it turns out they are not available. Blaaaaaahhhhh.

A. is just a “snack” – a really tasty, sweet and savory snack.

V is also kind of like a snack. Or more like a special meal or dish that you only have once in a while, and you really enjoy it, but you know you can’t have it every day. He’s like fois gras (and yes, perhaps morally suspect as well;).

K – what is he?? I think perhaps he came on too strong, even for himself. And perhaps I didn’t let myself feel or sink enough into it. But the fact is, he lied. And I know why he lied, even without him telling me. But I was deceived. The entire time that I dated him, I wasn’t really dating him, because I didn’t know the truth. And that makes me feel so, so sad, I cannot even quite fully describe. (((((

But he, too, is not really available to me, either. And it’s not anything I did. And it’s not anything I can control. *sigh*

And I’m worried about my finances again.

One good month wasn’t enough to get me afloat again. Now I’m sinking if I don’t get help or find some way to buoy myself up. Yuck.

And I wonder – when will this end? I see people every day who have perfectly financially stable lives. They live in nice homes and buy things for their kids. I want to think and believe that that’s possible for me. But part of me feels resigned to the fact that this might be just genetic. My father and I seem identical in this way. But then again, maybe that’s just a story that’s been fed to me, by both my mother and my father – that my father is flawed in this way, and i want to be like my father, so I’ve emulated even is ineffective and non-functioning money habits. Or it was just that I had no good example of how to handle money at home. You handle it? No, you don’t. You spend it as quick as possible, that’s how you handle it. You never have enough – that’s how you survive. You always need that tension of working so hard, but never being able to meet your bills. You want to tell the story of how you lost so much money on the house or the deal, or whatever it was, so that you can blame some external factor for your current reality. When really the truth is, you make choices. Every day, you make choices, and you create your own reality. If this is my reality, it means I’ve created it this way. If I had wanted to choose something different, I would have. And maybe I ran away from it before – out of fear. Maybe I am still hiding from it – afraid. Afraid to shine. Afraid to succeed. Afraid to be and feel loved by myself. Afraid to have what I need, because if all my needs were fulfilled, then I wouldn’t “need” anyone else to help me….Ah, that’s where it is, isn’t it? That’s the codependent core of all of this. *I* can’t succeed and be happy and fulfilled and financially stable – because if I was, then it would leave no room for anyone else to step in and fill that space and “make” me feel loved and needed and wanted by helping me financially. Yes. I know that is how this is, and I see it. And yet, I feel at a loss to how to fix it. But I am not going to try to fix it right now. I am just going to open my hands. I am going to go into a receptive, “surrender” position. And open to receive….the kind of wisdom that would allow me to find the way to succeed, without fear, using all the tools and abilities that I have at my disposal. Not waiting for a hand-out from someone else. But really building up from the inside. From my core. That’s what I hope for right now. Yeah, that, and somehow a way to pay all the enormous bills that are staring me in the face – and/or the courage to get brutal and cut out some of the things I don’t need….

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 8:39am
266: Ella says:

I am feeling very insecure today.

And needy.

Like a tight ball of nervous energy in my tum.

Want big, strong arms of a man to take care of me.

Hmmm, ok, big strong arms I have got too.

Have just been feeling low energy this afternoon.

Like humph!

Have still got some stuff done.

Thanks Ella for sorting my washing.
Thanks Ella for making that health drink to boost my immune system.
Thanks Ella for practicing Zumba so that my class is better tonight.
Thanks for doing that other work to help my business grow.
Thanks for picking nice clothes to dress me in.

Hmmm, it felt good being cuddled by male work colleague the other day.

Yuuumm.

I’ll have some more of that pls.

But for tonight just a nice Zumba class then home to eat some healthy food and snuggle into a warm bed, and maybe review a Rori programme.

Yes, that feels good.

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 8:40am
267: Daria says:

Mocha berry it just felt really inauthentic and strategized.

A way to find that out authentically is to talk directly to him

Instead of laugh and chuckle and side ask and then get to. ‘that is the q… Are we?’

Right when it comes up as something important to your mind:

‘Hey I feel so embarrased and Uncomfortable talking about this… Um… I feel confused did we talk about saving together? That might feel nice… ‘

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 8:42am
268: Emerson says:

209 Daria – how did you clear it? Tapping?

211 Brenda I am aware of the generational curses and the biblical references. Thanks for the info. Ironically, my granfather was a very “religious” man.
I guess it was acceptable to beat women back then in Europe. Nobody did anything about it so women were helpless.

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 8:44am
269: Tiffany says:

And yes, the thought has occurred to me – if these men are not fully available, then perhaps it is the case that I am not fully “available” to them. And so I wonder – in what ways am I not available? how am I hiding myself so that they can’t really see me? Probably hiding my feelings. stuffing down my true dreams and desires. Probably hiding them even from myself….

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 8:45am
270: Emerson says:

212 STS all I can say is WOW!!! I am so glad you shared all this. Kinda funny what you mentioned because I’ve also been into horses my whole life, and I’ve owned them and trained them, etc…however my parents have zero interest and never introduced me to horses at all. I did it myself. My abusive grandfather whom I never met (because he died before I was born) was an accomplished horseman in his day. So yes, I understand your connections. I enjoyed reading your post very much, and thank you for sharing about yourself. It was really hepful. I’m sorry about your Mom and Dad.

215 Silver moonbeam I never thought of that, and with the utmost respect to you, I don’t really believe in that, but it sounds interesting and intriguing to think about.

218/219 thanks FW I will see if I can find the book. Yes that is perhaps why I’m scared of tapping. I feel scared at the fact that everyone knows about this DNA thing and that it’s probably real. It feels weird and scary but I feel relieved that there is some significance around my weird “memories” and not just stuff I thought of myself to be self destructive or something. It also explains perhaps why I’ve been attracted to men with abusive histories in their homes or they are physical abusers themselves. YIKES.

240 Dominique says-“Deep awareness = Profound Healing” I’m so happy to read this and I feel relieved to think of it that way…thank you tinque.

243 Mel thank you for the link, I took a peek at it, but I look forward to reading it a bit more closely. Interesting stuff!

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 8:49am
271: Femininewoman says:

Mochaberri it is just a figure of speech. I am not suggesting that you made a mistake. My concern is that you let go of the conversation because it already happened. Stressing over a mistake will not change it. It will only create trapped energy inside you.

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 8:52am
272: Emerson says:

re: my comment to FW in 264: I meant abusive histories in their homes growing up…they had violent upbringings.

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 8:52am
273: Daria says:

Mocha berry why does it feel so bad to read about being in masculine energy… Is it cuz youre not ready to look at it yet?

It’s ok. It is totally fixable.

All the good feelings will still be yours, just that you’ll have more control… Of your own happiness than being tied to a guys mood

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 8:54am
274: Emerson says:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Genetic_memory_(psychology)

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 8:55am
275: Emerson says:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Genetic_memory_(psychology)

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 8:55am
276: Mochaberri says:

@ Daria #253 and 254 – I truly trust in Rori’s programs and trust wholeheartly in them. I admit that as a work in progress I may not word everything using feeling messages.

My saying “just wondeing because you riffed about me wanting to buy a sweatsuit” I used a feeling message earlier asking what his plans were when he talked about saving and he asked me what did I want to know so that was my answer which I followed with I don’t know what is acceptable to spend with having to discuss with him.

I was all girly with him during the conversation and feel that is why it didn’t turn into an arugment and we both listened to each other – a great step for us

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 8:58am
277: luzydel says:

I am going to use Darias approach an believe that s cares about me and that is why he offered to help. I have no obvious reason to believe something negative. Just let it be and keep on moving forward …

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 9:03am
278: Mochaberri says:

@ FW #266 – oh I feel so much better – yes I have let go of the conversation and feel good that it took place as it happened – totally natural – no stress and clarity received.

Yes I do tend to trap the negative energy in my body after having a conversation that has potential to go far left – I don’t feel that.

I’m only bringing this to light because it’s not the first time that he’s made mention about my spending. My intuition leads me to believe that he wants to know that I have the capability to save and not spend frivolously.
What frustrates me is that when I mention that I need to buy something he comments about how I don’t need whatever I’m talking about. And then talks about how I need to save – not knowing that I already have a savings plan and have had it for some time now.

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 9:07am
279: Ella says:

Hmmm, I was in my masc energy when I texted him up and basically told him what I wanted to happen tonight.

Like ‘this is what you must do!!’

Humph.

Reckon I did it cus my feelings are uncomfortable to sit with today.

He was lovely and replied back saying he would still love to see me and I am welcome anytime, but that he still hasn’t collected his car from work.

I texted a giggle and ‘oh, what shall we do then?’

Him ‘I’m not sure’ then another text about my lovely smile.

Then some more texts back and forwards about mys smile with me being girly.

I am dropping it about tonight, and focusing on looking after me and my icky feelings atm.

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 9:07am
280: Ella says:

I have been a good lil Siren about J though.

After all that the other night he has still not answered my reply on FB or called again.

After some thought and touching in with my feelings I did accept him on FB as a friend yesteday, however I then unsubscribed from his newsfeed so I will not see what he is up to all the time, and haven’t really thought about it since.

I feel proud of myself about this.

He no longer triggers the same reactions/responses in me that he used to.

I no longer feel/react the same way.

Meaning.

He has lost his power over me.

I have taken back my power.

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 9:10am
281: Emerson says:

274 Yay Ella!!!
I love that feeling.
Siren!!

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 9:12am
282: Femininewoman says:

Mochaberri look for your pattern around relating about the issue when he brings it up. She it there is any trigger in there for you or if internall you say “he always” talks about my spending. Then look for a different natural way to handle it. That way you break your own pattern with awareness. You might feel a little criticized or like he is picking yourlife style apart when he mentions the saving and you could switch your thought that bringing it up is his way of looking out for you. Maybe instead of responding to him when he brings it up just take a minute to bring your awareness to your body and see if you feel any tension anywhere.

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 9:14am
283: Mochaberri says:

@ Daria #268 – Oh sweet Daria – you are soo great!!!

I know that I tend to come from masuline energy and I don’t feel bad hearing that -It really feels warm and tingly to hear and it helps me to re direct.

I took care of myself and approached the topic with great femininity and got what I needed – clarity. And I hope that it’s the last that he and I will discuss until it’s about us pooling our resources together.

Yes I like to be in control of myself, my feelings and of me – I’ve lost control more times than I care to admit to and I no longer tie myself to a man’s mood – if he’s pissy it’s not my fault – I can only be resonsible for my own happines and do not look to someone else to provide that to me

I have awesome wonderful girly feelings and I love them!!!!

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 9:23am
284: Ella says:

Emerson.

Thank you.

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 9:27am
285: Emerson says:

I feel that the most healing thing that could happen is if everyone in my family would stop pretending that this never happened with my grandfather and be open about it and open about the pain and damage. But I doubt that will happen. They even have family reunions back in Europe based on his lineage, etc. and to be honest I never felt connected to those events.

I also know that growing up, we would visit Europe I always felt a twinge when going to the house my Mom grew up in where family members still live to this day…and something always bothered me there. I even had nights where I could not sleep AT ALL while staying there, just wide awake and crying. I’m not kidding. And now I know why. And this was all before I knew anything about the abuse. It was kept sooo quiet by everyone. I hate that. It feels smothering and like a squeeze on my head and I want to throw up and cry.

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 9:27am
286: Emerson says:

I open yahoo and this is the article that pops up first. More news about abuse
http://beta.local.yahoo.com/news-only-cbs2-la-mayor-villaraigosa-discusses-childhood-secret

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 9:29am
287: Lush_Oasis says:

G’morning Sirens. I feel thrilled that the ground is blanketed in a layer of snow and everything looks so pure and innocent. *sigh*

I feel intrigued by the CDing concept now as it seems more and more “types” of men are revealing themselves. I was hoping I could receive some feedback on the newest scenarios that are revealing themselves today:

1) I went out with a group of girls for a night out, and several guys approached our table, and one stuck with me; the others found the person of interest for their night and so our group got larger just by being there. The guy that stuck with me for the night was drinking and after all of us finished dancing (again), a friend of mine spoke up and suggested that it sure would feel nice to have one of those [beverages] that he was drinking. He then asked if we were thirsty, and I told him I would feel better having a cold [beverage] at that moment.

The guy went over to the bar area and ordered a [beverage] for himself, but did not get any for me or my friend – or anyone else in the group for that matter. I didn’t feel comfortable with that situation and didn’t think twice of him much after that. I feel confused — why would he even consider asking if we would be interested in a drink, if he wasn’t going to bring one back for us? I left with the group shortly after that scene

2) Another CD I have not met yet in person and I have been talking almost continuously for the past five nights! He seems like a fabulous person — has similar interests, stable career, etc. etc. etc. He wants to meet me, but he works graveyard shifts and it makes it difficult to coordinate the schedules.

He’s made several comments that instantly make me feel triggered because the comments he made were nearly the same comments that my past relationships would say to me. I acknowledge my feelings [to myself] and reassure myself that this person is *not* the same as the ones from my past — give him the benefit of the doubt. And after I do that, I feel more relaxed and am able to continue the conversation.

Having texted / talked / emailed this CD for the past five nights, I’m feeling concerned because this morning, he started making comments that: “he is falling for me based on my words alone … that he can’t explain it .. its just how he feels…and that it feels awesome” and in earlier conversations he’s mentioned that “he likes me” and that he appreciates that “I am easy to talk to”…. “that the conversations feel real, no bs, no lies, etc.”.

Yay!? I feel proud of myself for totally leaning back and staying in my feminine energy with this person, but I continue to feel my guard go up when he makes comments like that because of my past experiences.

He is working on arranging for an actual “date” this weekend, but with his work schedule, he hasn’t been able to commit to a time yet. I told him I don’t feel comfortable going out with him if he’s feeling exhausted. I would feel better waiting for another time. He’s still trying to work things out for this weekend. He, also, lives about an hour from me, but he’s already told me that “its the proper thing for the guy to drive to the lady … and that is what he will do”. I feel amazed that he even said that without me even making an offer at all! I’m still feeling my over-functioning old me wanting to step back in and go to his area to “help” out.

So… long story short… I feel my walls go up with CD2 .. its only been five days (granted the conversations have carried on for many hours on end), and some of his remarks instantly flashback to someone / something from my past that makes me feel all ‘eww’ and I don’t want to feel like I’m drawing comparisons between him and the people / experiences from my past. I want to remain open and see where things go, but I don’t want to be foolish either.

It seems this person and I have *many* common interests and goals and perspectives on relationships, which is unusual for so many things to align just right in my experience. He is 9 years older than I am but has never been married, though one of his relationships lasted for over 6 years. So I feel comfortable believing that he is not afraid of being in a committed relationship.

From what little I posted here, is it my past relationship malfunctions and memories that are throwing up my walls? Is his behavior something that should be sending red flags up? Am I right to give him the benefit of the doubt knowing that he is not the same as the people that I had in my past relationships; knowing that he has stated his beliefs and they are in alignment with mine?

What do you ladies think?

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 9:41am
288: siren song says:

FW 218:

This is so strange…a friend suggested i check out that book about a month ago!

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 9:48am
289: Ella says:

I feel really sad and empty today.

You know how men can go off into their caves after being really connected and intimate with us?

For me it seems to work the other way, instead of feeling top up after getting loads of love and affection, I actually feel needy and crave it more!

Time for me to love on myself me thinks.

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 9:49am
290: Femininewoman says:

siren song yes indeed.

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 9:55am
291: April Rose says:

lk,

I feel so warm, excited and inspired by you and by the joyous relationship I perceive you are creating with CDcd.
He brought you the lion blanket – wow!
He wants to live with you in California – TRIPLE WOW!!!

You’re magic.
Love,
April Rose

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 9:57am
292: Femininewoman says:

Lush_Oasis I have experienced the same thing. I am getting ready to askk a close friend if the feeling messages elicit a physical reaction in their body. One just this morning I shared the feeling of all soft and goey inside and he laughed out loud and said he couldn’t tell me what had just happened to him. I think the words go straight to their heart and they can’t seem to help themselves when they hear the right words that suggest that we are women who can feel. Also remember that they are visual creatures and the brain is the sexiest organ. I believe the words causes them to think about what is possible and it triggers their biology. I don’t know, all I know is that it seems to really turn them on and I have had that experience with man after man.

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 10:01am
293: Femininewoman says:

I have begun to really believe that a crowd of women have no chance in the presence of a siren.

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 10:06am
294: Mochaberri says:

@ FW 277 – Wonderful suggestion!!! That is exactly what was happening – I was being triggered from past conversations of him criticizing how I spend my money – from buying clothes to travelling – my lifestyle as well as not even asking if I’ve taken steps to create a savings plan before critcizing. The trigger also comes from the state of our relationship – at one point yes he had the right to comment. Now with what I’ve learned from having the conversation I will shift my thinking that he is concerned and looking out for me as you suggested.
This was healing for me and will help to no longer feel tension or triggered about his views of my financial situation – this will allow me to take care of me if this surfaces again. I will tell him that I do not want to discuss this topic – it feels bad to talk about this if we are not creating a fiancial plan together.

what do you think?

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 10:11am
295: Femininewoman says:

Good men, the kind of man you are with or who you want to be with, those men who love and are deeply in love with their woman will seemingly miraculously shift and change, heal and grow right along with you IF you are on a journey to heal and expand your heart, IF you are actively opening yourself to vulnerability, to your authenticity.

There is apparently something within your healing which inspires your man to become a “better man” for want of another expression. He truly can and will heal more completely, more deeply through YOUR heart. And mostly though this is an unconscious or maybe vaguely conscious process.

http://sexandheart.com/your-mans-healing-heart

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 10:15am
296: Starla says:

hi:) just popped in to say i am leaning back today:)

<3

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 10:17am
297: Starla says:

287: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

I have begun to really believe that a crowd of women have no chance in the presence of a siren.

truth!

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 10:18am
298: Starla says:

k bye bye again

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 10:19am
299: Jenny says:

286 @ FW

Yes I have seen it too. A man I writte letter to, asked if I could send him my MSN status as I wrote them, becourse:

“They make me smile and feel all warm inside when I read them”

“I’m so impressed by them, how can you write soo good? How do you come up with them?”

So I just told him, that I simple write what I see and how it makes me feel, one example:

I Feel all white and puffy when I see the cold snow drape the landscape in winter blanket”

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 10:19am
300: Femininewoman says:

Dominique I feel your words deep in my heart and my pelvis. The only thing is feel the fear alongside your soothing words in really scares the he*ll out of me. I just finished reading this article and I feel like crying, I feel like running with the wind to get away from myself. I feel so afraid.

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 10:20am
301: Femininewoman says:

Mochaberri I am sure I would share that. I believe I would tell him that I feel confused. Then when he asks why I would tell him that I appreciate his concern about my finances I feel like I am being held back from making my own decisions with my own income. It feels awkward unless we are going to jointly do a savings plan. Then ask him what he thinks. But that is me.

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 10:24am
302: April Rose says:

Ella,

Your male co-worker cuddler sounds really cool.
I’m sorry that you tried to squeeze in an after-Zumba cuddle.
Best to wait, even a longish wait, until he makes another special time to be with you. He will.

Hope you have a gorgeous Ella-loving time today. What you gonna do to feel deeply nurtured by you?

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 10:25am
303: Femininewoman says:

Mochaberri, I meant “I am not sure I would share that” you want him to be able to open up to discuss any topic with you. Money should not be off limits.

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 10:26am
304: April Rose says:

FW, re 294
I don’t understand?
What is scaring you so much?

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 10:29am
305: Femininewoman says:

External love feels wonderful, and the sharing of love with another is, in my experience, the highest experience in life. But as long as I was abandoning myself with my self-judgments; staying in my mind and ignoring my feelings; giving myself up to care-take others in the hopes they would love me; getting angry when I didn’t get the love I wanted; crying and being a victim as a form of control; and turning to various addictions such as food, worry and perfectionism, I was unhappy. It took me many years of searching for answers to understand that, until I learned to give myself the love I needed, not only was I unable to share love with another, but another’s love was the icing on the cake – not the cake itself.

My love for myself needed to form the foundation of my sense of worth, safety and lovability. Realizing this many years ago has brought about profound changes in my life. Now I am the one who is consistently warm, caring, open, honest, gentle, tender, compassionate and sensitive with myself, and the more I am able to be this with myself, the more I am able to be this with others as well.

http://www.innerbonding.com/show-article/3005/what-will-love-give-you.html

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 10:33am
306: Femininewoman says:

I don’t know either April Rose. It wa just my experience while reading the article that I am sharing. I wish I knew exactly how my heart works.

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 10:34am
307: Femininewoman says:

April Rose you can access the article here:-

http://sexandheart.com/your-mans-healing-heart

Seems I forgot to include it before

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 10:36am
308: lk says:

it’s unbelievable how much happiness is available in this life. literally laid at your feet by the universe.

if this is the door prize…. imagine what the Prom Queen gets : )

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 10:40am
309: lilybelly says:

I’m feeling all twisted up in my NV’s and insecurities today. And, I don’t like it. Not one little bit.

T seems to have retreated to the man cave after an exceptionally wonderful weekend. I do not like that.

I am, however, leaning back…

I hate feeling like this.

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 10:40am
310: Femininewoman says:

The reason for this is called cellular memory.

Cellular memory (as the name implies) is basically the memory that resides inside the cells within the body. That’s right; every single one of the cells in your body actually has a memory of its own.

Each of the cells within the body actually stores reserves of information related to past experiences (both positive and negative) within their memory.

Once A Cell Stores A Memory From A Negative Experience, It Will Relapse And Recreate Negative Related Experiences.
This is often the reason why someone who beats cancer will experience a relapse. The same is true of those who suffer from addiction or any other type of disease.

What’s really occurring is a relapse of memory within the cell that is causing the body to react in a certain way.

http://successhappinessformula.com/special-access/?hop=sashax

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 10:42am
311: April Rose says:

FW,

I just read it. I wish and wish and hope with all my heart for it to be true.

“…..he can take you more deeply into your heart depths, your profound love self, than you ever could alone.”

I feel Surrender breathing in my ear….. I must succomb to her….

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 10:42am
312: lk says:

i said something to Cd last night that i realized is very new & true for me. i told him, I’d rather people think, “oh, that girl is dumb. she doesn’t get it that someone just took a dig at her” instead of spending energy trying to “dig” back.

it’s amazingly freeing to do it that way & it actually feels better to ignore those things instead of trying to Prove that whatever action was somehow “bad”

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 10:43am
313: lilybelly says:

301

I loved this article, Dominque but how can he heal his heart through me when I can’t even completely heal myself?

D@mn it…tears are coming.

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 10:44am
314: Femininewoman says:

(((((((lilybelly)))))))))

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 10:45am
315: lk says:

CDcd & i have been praying at meal times. it feels really good to pray with someone regularly with whom i feel total shared beliefs. i’ve never had that before !

last night, we prayed at the restaurant… & it felt so intense to take hands & bow heads in public…. i don’t know if i’ve ever done that either. he said he hadn’t.

i told him after that i had the fear of not having time to finish my prayer & that, because of all the distractions, it was taking even longer than normal for me to pray, so we prayed again without holding hands so we could take as long as we wanted.

it was nice to speculate with him about changing my breathing pace so that i could pray in public without giving myself “time” to be distracted… it’s funny that possibly doing something faster could actually mean doing it with more focus… i have a contrary belief about that.

i remembered a limiting belief i recognized the other night. if something is “easy” it takes “no time”; if something is “hard” it takes “all night” or it is “impossible”………. i want to believe, everything is possible & easy… just some things take little or no time, while some things take longer : ) patience, lk

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 10:49am
316: Dominique says:

Femininewoman – Do you know why this is? Why the fear? What does the fear feel like to you? What images does it conjure?

xxoo

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 10:58am
317: lk says:

LOL …… last night i mentioned the mountain house that my family shares & CDcd goes, “we should go there sometime.” & i said, “that would be really fun!” & he goes, “i’m just going to have to start inviting myself everywhere with you since you won’t ask me yourself”

LOL because a while ago, he said, i really want to play golf with your mom. & last night, we were talking about it & he said, have you ever played golf? & i said, yes, i have shoes & clubs & everything actually. & he FREAKED OUT. he was like, “WHAT THE — WHY DID YOU NEVER SAY ANYTHING WHEN FOR WEEKS I’VE BEEN TALKING ABOUT PLAYING WITH YOUR MOM ????? ” & we both totally cracked up ……. i was like, oh i just thought you wanted to play with my mom. & besides, courses aren’t even open right now. lol his mind was blown.

i asked him what he thought would have been “normal” for me to say. & he goes, when i first said, “i want to play some golf with your mom” i guess i’d expect you to say, “oh, i play golf, we should all go sometime” & i laughed & said, “yes, that sounds fun!” & he was just shaking his head & laughing… like about the swing dancing too…

& then he did say, actually, though, i do want to find some activities to do with your parents so we can get to know each other : ) & then when he was asking me where we could play tennis, i told him we could go & he could meet my grandma : ) that’s nice, lk : )

& he’s going to take me to The Shining hotel maybe next month !!! yayyyy lk

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 10:59am
318: Lolita says:

We had a wonderful evening out last night, I was all feeling messages and he was all wonderful… and this morning we were so rushed to be off to work, I got anxious and leaned way forward… now I feel so anxious… I have to lean back. He said he would call or ‘text’ tonight… I’d rather he call.

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 11:00am
319: lk says:

& i don’t like to organize plans, by the way !

this morning, he said, so when are you coming back ? & i just said hmmmm…… & looked out the window & imagined myself having fun at home alone & reading & was just waiting until the vision of being alone got boring… he said thursday ? … i said hmmm … he said friday ? … i said hmm…… he said, how about we see a movie on Friday ? & then go snowshoeing on saturday & i said that sounds fun ! & he said, we’re going to church on sunday with your parents, right ? & i said that sounds great

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 11:01am
320: Femininewoman says:

I am not sure there is any image. All I know is that I feel tightness all over my body and it moves from my pelvic area all the way up to my nose and mouth.

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 11:02am
321: Femininewoman says:

I any image it seems like me running away from myself.

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 11:03am
322: Femininewoman says:

It is like I have a fear of healing because I would not be able to recognize myself.

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 11:03am
323: Dominique says:

Lillybelly – Do you really think my heart was fully healed for K to do all the healing he did? Hardly.

Just having the awareness and actively working to heal yourself enacts the healing with him.

Men are rather easy in this respect. So little of the head stuff going on, unlike many of us.

You my dear have no need to worry around this.

xxoo

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 11:04am
324: Femininewoman says:

As I write tears keep welling up in my eyes. Now there is pressure around my ears.

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 11:05am
325: Dominique says:

But you are healing and in a big way Femininewoman. Is it maybe fear of having what your deepest heart desires? For if you get this, then it might be taken away for whatever reason, and the thought of the devastation this would cause could be terrifying.

But then again the thought of never fully feeling and experiencing this is more scary, in my view anyway.

xxoo

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 11:08am
326: Dominique says:

Tears of sadness and tears of joy can feel much the same…

xxoo

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 11:11am
327: Femininewoman says:

I do feel fear around having the deepest desires but I have never really sank into the devastation of losing it to see if that is there. I just feel violently shaky around having my deepest desires, it seems I always have. This is really painful to write about. I feels like all my body, especially my face is tightening up.

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 11:12am
328: Mochaberri says:

@ FW #287 – I agree using feeling messages do have an affect on men. I noticed that when I say to KR that something feels bad to hear – I can hear his voice softening when he asks me what was bad to hear. Or when I tell him I’m feeling icky or tingly – he takes notice and wants to know more. Also the night that I told him that I was feeling uncomfortable and wanted to leave – he immediately wanted to remedy the situation.

So feeling messages are great! They are helping me to move out of my boy energy a little more everyday when I practice using them

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 11:12am
329: Dominique says:

This is great awareness and processing happening with you right now Femininewoman.

Another thought – maybe the reality won’t live up to the fantasy. there can be a lot of fear around this. a kind of anti-climactic feeling.

xxoo

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 11:14am
330: lilybelly says:

317:

I think I do need to worry about this if I can’t even deal well with a man cave retreat..it means I haven’t come as far as I thought I did.

I feel unsteady here…

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 11:15am
331: Femininewoman says:

Yes, reality vs fantasy is definitely there. The main thing I struggle with. I fear that the man that could really give me all that I want won’t measure up to how I perceive him in my vision.

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 11:16am
332: Dominique says:

lillybelly – I hear you. Man cave stuff is REALLY hard to deal with. I feel appreciative that I don’t have to deal very often and when I do, it doesn’t last very long. I too struggle with it, but at the same time, I can recognize it for what it is and talk myself through it, more or less.

This is really a simple fix. You reach out, to me, to the women here. It really, really helps you stay grounded and secure within yourself.

xxoo

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 11:24am
333: lilybelly says:

((((((((FW))))))))

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 11:24am
334: April Rose says:

My deepest desires…
… I feel brave to even admit I have deep desires….

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 11:25am
335: April Rose says:

… I meant ‘I feel scared to admit my deep desires’

I ‘think’ I am brave to be open about it.
But it feels good to be open.

Less and less need for judgements…

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 11:31am
336: lk says:

i just realized how comfortable i’ve become with silence… it’s very easy & calming & powerful actually.

when Cdcd told me that he would want to get a house together & move to California if that’s what i want, i didn’t say anything. & we stopped talking about it & then i went to take a shower.

i didn’t feel any need to respond or reciprocate or anything. i bet that made him feel safe ! to say that big thing & just have me listen & then continue to be my same self toward him…. like no surprises… also, like he can take Huge Steps Forward without Changing or Risking the relationship & the level of interaction & connection that we have. that feels amazing.

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 11:46am
337: April Rose says:

Femininewoman,

Do you want to manifest your deepest desires in your life?
Do you have a conscious intention to have your deepest desires met?

Or does the fear keep you from putting it out there?

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 11:53am
338: lk says:

i don’t want to live with a man without plans to start a family. & plans to be legally bound to each other (i need to be sure of my legal rights to feel safe & i want to make sure that he will make decisions for me & i want to make sure that i will be able to visit him, etc.).

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 11:55am
339: lk says:

i’m going to yoga tonight & i give myself permission to go home first without thinking that i’m “wasting time” or “wasting energy” by driving so much

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 11:56am
340: Iamabutterfly says:

@ Tiffany #263 – For the longest time, unavailable men were drawn to me and I to them. It was always like a game to me. It would feel so good if I could take their attention away from someone they were already committed to, because if I could do that, I must really BE something! I wanted to feel like the most coveted woman, but deep down, I know it was because I felt worthless. I’m not sure how you’re feeling with these unavailable men, but Rori’s post here really helped me see what was going on: http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/attraction/self-acceptance-is-the-key-to-feeling-loved

@FW #287 – One of my CDs (we’ll call him Jack) is always surrounded by women, and it makes me feel really angry and insecure, even though he always seems to notice me out of the crowd of women. I felt like he was VERY interested in me for several months, but after we took a little day trip together and I didn’t hear from him, I began to feel very insecure and then some family drama came up for me and I could feel myself closing my feelings off when I saw him a week later, which I know I need to learn to stop doing. Whenever I do that, he pays attention to the other women, but pays attention to how I react to that, which makes me feel like he might be just as insecure as I am. :/ Since he has so many girls interested in him, I know for a fact that he CD dates as well.

We were with a group of people one night, and he went over to sit by himself, and I just KNEW that he wanted me to come over there and sit by him, but I felt uncomfortable to go sit by him because so many other girls like him, and I feel icky when I can feel their jealous energy. :/

I feel like he didn’t like that closed off feeling and I totally understand that. One of my other CDs (we’ll call him Bob) puts emotional walls up and it absolutely repulses me when he does that. I’ve known him for a while and I know when he is being open and when he is not, so when he puts up emotional walls, it makes me feel icky and like he doesn’t trust himself when he is with me.

So, I am trying to be more open with my Jack CD, and whenever I am, he gets really smiley and it makes me feel happy and a little shy. 

However, another Siren is interested in him and she uses both masculine and feminine energy with him, and she is super-fit and never seems to feel ANY negative emotions, which makes me feel mistrustful of her. Even without Jack CD being involved, I’ve always felt mistrustful of her, because I always feel like she’s hiding her true self or something…

The last time I spent time with her, I liked her more, because it was one of the first times she talked about feeling any emotions other than “I feel so happy about absolutely everything and my life is perfect!”

But I love myself because I have felt all kinds of negative emotions and I let myself feel them, and I work through them and it feels so good to cry when I feel like crying.

And I feel like Jack CD relates to me better because I’ve let him and other people see all the messy, beautiful, complicated parts of me.

One time, I was really vulnerable during a group discussion, and Jack CD seriously followed me around for the whole rest of the night. That same night, another one of my CDs (we’ll call him Bill) texted me and told me that he “loves how honest and open I am.” I don’t feel attracted to Bill, but it still made me feel really good that he could appreciate that quality in me.

I’m CDing myself most of all now, because I feel like I need to. I feel sad and overwhelmed by my messy room, but I want to make it feel beautiful and poetic and inspiring just for me! I feel like getting up when it’s dark, taking a brisk walk, and listening to beautiful music. I feel like studying more and praying more and expanding my vocabulary. I feel like eating more fruits and vegetables. I feel like making the time to cook a good meal every weekend. I feel like having good female friends to spend time with and to help me with my issues. I feel like forgiving myself for my messiness and for my imperfections. I love my messiness! I love my imperfections! It feels good to forgive myself.

I feel like my mother was sexually abused in her past. She is a beautiful, married woman, but seems really insecure when men other than my other father notice her.

A lot of times I feel sexually panicked when I am flat on my back if it’s a relatively hard surface. I am okay on my back on a bed, but in a dental chair or on any other semi-hard surface, I start to have slight panic attacks. It feels awful, but I haven’t had one in a while, so that’s good…

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 11:58am
341: Femininewoman says:

I have put my deep desires out there. I even talk about it with new men I meet. My intuition is telling me that I don’t trust myself enough to make it come to pass.

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 12:01pm
342: April Rose says:

Do you trust in some divine force making it come to pass for you?

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 12:03pm
343: Mochaberri says:

@FW #296 and 298 – Thank you!

I agree; I’m thinking I do not want to share that with him – when I was typing I felt my body getting tense in my shoulders so I’m taking that as a sign of awareness that it isn’t a good thing to do. I want to continue on the path of open and honest communication with him. I feel that this has all been a healing process for me. i’m going to practice not seeing his concern as negative and critical. And if and when it comes up outside of the topic of us doing it jointly, I will use your suggested feeling message.

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 12:06pm
344: Femininewoman says:

lamabutterfly it is like a new process for me opening up like that because I have been so closed for so long but I really want to get to know myself and what is possible in my life

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 12:06pm
345: April Rose says:

I feel nervous and shaky. I feel my fingers all shaky and crunchy inside.

I’m going to guitar club to play and sing with the men there.

EM will be there. I will focus on myself, my self-respect, and breathing from my heart.

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 12:07pm
346: Femininewoman says:

April Rose I did for a long time but I believe I experience some internal conflict as to what is my responsibility and what is the divine’s out there separate and apart from me. I have now embraced the belief that the divine is also inside me and not a separate entity. I am now sure I am fully clear on that but I know that I have stopped looking for something outside of me to fulfil me.

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 12:08pm
347: Femininewoman says:

Mochaberri I would encourage you to slow yourself and put your attention in your body to see what it is telling you, then speak from that place. It will be more authentic and in the moment. I believe even if it doesn’t come out perfectly he will feel your intention.

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 12:10pm
348: April Rose says:

FW
I ask because you said “I don’t trust myself enough”
I wonder what part of you it is that you don’t trust? And whether there are also parts of you that you do trust to allow your deepest desires to come to you.

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 12:13pm
349: Femininewoman says:

2 Words No Man Can Resist

When I ask women what they think are the most powerful words they can say to a man, I’m given the usually replies, “I love you,” “You’re special” and “Yes, I’ll have sex with you.” While all of these statements are nice and sometimes very powerful, they won’t have the effect of making him bond with you.

The two words that cause nearly every man to feel closer to you are these: “I’M SORRY.”

However, there is one exception to this rule. Don’t say you’re sorry for something you didn’t do. Apologizing just to keep the peace is actually a bad thing. Let me explain further. Just saying the two words “I’m sorry” won’t make him feel closer to you. In order for the words to be powerful and transformative, you’ll need to say them in a specific way.

Here are some examples of less effective ways of saying “I’m Sorry”:

“I’m sorry you’re upset.”
“I’m sorry you had a bad day.”
“I’m sorry I’m late, but I had a good reason.”

What all of the above examples have in common is that they don’t involve you taking responsibility. In order for your words to have a deeper impact on the man, you must say them without any sort of attached explanation or justification.

Here are some examples of the correct way to make your words powerful:

“I’m sorry I was late.” (without explaining or justifying)
“I’m sorry I was rude last night.” (without explaining or justifying)
“I’m sorry for calling you names.” (without explaining or justifying)

Once you have said these statements, you might feel the urge to explain more. Just resist that temptation. Remember, it is important to keep your message simple and elegant if you want it to have a deep emotional impact on him.

You see there is always a reason why you did something. Rarely will you ever just do something to be selfish or mean. You don’t have to explain that part. A man already understands that it is true. However, what stands out to a man is when a woman takes responsibility for her actions.

If you say “I’m Sorry” the way I’ve just described, it will make a man feel that you understand his perspective.

Sponsor: Bust Liars

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 12:16pm
350: Femininewoman says:

Thanks April Rose I will spend some time sinking into that to see what my intuition tells me.

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 12:17pm
351: Femininewoman says:

It seems I have believed that it had nothing to do with me influencing it and that a great power out there was putting things together and I couldn’t influence it for the better or worse though I can identify areas where I have unconsciously hindered myself in the past. It feels like cognitive dissonance and like I am in my head trying to figure it all out. I can see and feel clearly how I have shut down my heart.

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 12:23pm
352: lk says:

@Femininewoman

wow, i’m feeling moved by your heart moving up, taking over your mind, taking over your perception & transforming your strength into softness….. wow, i’m picturing… like.. actually i’m picturing the sun rising on the bank of a river, the cold pale dawn moved into shaky gold shimmering morning

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 12:27pm
353: mali says:

FW: I’m feeling so much love for you reading your posts… sending you love, you Siren!

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 12:32pm
354: Iamabutterfly says:

#338@FW – I’ve been reading your comments on this blog for a while, long before I had the courage to post on here myself, and everything you share always makes me feel so inspired and like I want to be a better, more feminine woman. Thank you so much for that, and thank you for your courage in being so open!

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 12:34pm
355: Silver Moonbeam says:

Behind on the blog yet again!! Been lovely catching up on all the great stories though where this RR stuff is working for Mel, Sweetpea, Aurora Girl, lk, T-girl. Lili41 and sorry if I have forgotten any others.

Girl power.

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 12:36pm
356: Silver Moonbeam says:

Brenda thinking of you.

{{{{ HUGS }}}}

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 12:38pm
357: lk says:

yesterday i said sorry for introducing you as my “friend” & then i said but we are friends too ! & he said yes of course.

then later he said, well, since we are FRIENDS, you can feel free to call me whenever you get bored or frustrated at work or anything anytime !

LOL hmmm………..

& i said, thank you : )

but…. hm. usually i would never want to call him at work anyway…. but that’s nice ! now i will feel free to call him if i want to during the day : ) i do want to Feel Free to Call Him….. : ) that is good.

i don’t mind dancing – i like to dance !

but yes i want him to be the Man : )

& i can’t really imagine just calling him up, like “oh this thing just happened blah blah” sounds boring ! lol

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 1:28pm
358: Rori Raye says:

Lolita – my best advice to relax before a date is my Heart Connection Toolkit program – just put Disc Two into your ipod and let it work for you. Love, Rori

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 1:38pm
359: Senior Lady Vibe says:

@202: Brenda says:
“…And this song is another reason to not end my friendship with Ryan….and I dedicate it to SLV!…”

By Your Side, by Sade
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C8QJmI_V3j4&feature=colike

Oooooo, magic!. Thank you, thank you, Brenda. I remember watching that amazing music video last year.

The power of the magic is to grasp it, take it into the real world [see 3:50 -4:26 of video] and to create the kind of relationship I want.

The secret is “the one” isn’t necessarily the man who first inspires the magic. That’s OK too. It’s what’s meant to be; he played his part… and now for the best magic!

I’m now creating “Blueprint for Magic”… for myself.

I just downloaded the video so I can play it at home when I don’t have good signal. Yummmmmmy.

xoxo

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 1:57pm
360: Silver Moonbeam says:

#270 Emerson

No offence taken and not sure if I believe in re-incarnation myself 100% just another avenue to explore.

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 2:22pm
361: Silver Moonbeam says:

For Brenda and SLV and anybody else who wants to listen to the beautiful Sade.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wcdCHtkQcBM&feature=related

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 2:34pm
362: Jeannette says:

Hi everyone, just wanted you to know I’m still around! It’s been 6 mo.s since my fiance’s passing but I’m still not much moved to want to do any dating. Since then he had another brother pass 6 days after him..some of you already know. He was on hospice. Then Steve’s third brother went in for a liver transplant last Mon. and is doing exceptionally well. Go figure huh..But glad for him! I am still mending but like to check in once in awhile to see what you’re doing. Take care and I’ll check in soon again..

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 2:56pm
363: Ella says:

Oh, I am finding it so tricky to stay out of masc energy with my men today.

I just told work collegue what I want him to do with something I left at his house. Instead of telling him how anxious I am without that item and then waiting for him to make a plan.

Its cus it is an item I need for work, and when it comes to work I am used to being much more with my boy hat on.

When I read the message back it was a really masc / bossy message.

Wow, amazing how easy it is to slip… Good to notice though.

And thank goodness for all the super girly responses he had from me previously today.

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 3:03pm
364: Sun Goddess says:

Hi Sirens! Looks like I have a lot to catch up on. I’m finally home three hours past the time I should be. LP had mentioned doing something tonight but never followed up with me, so tonight I am cleaning and relaxing. And, I feel okay with that. I just hired a weekly babysitter to come every Wednesday so that I can have either me time, dates, or outtings with friends. I feel so excited for that!

And, my boss is trying to make my work easier! Such a good day!

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 3:12pm
365: Ella says:

April Rose re 302,

Thank you for this reply.

It felt really comforting and soothing to my anxious feelings today.

Everything has shifted since then as I have been and done my Zumba class and feel completely different from earlier.

I did slip into masc AGAIN a bit with one message (see post above) GRRRR.

Right double leanback efforts into effect now.

I know you are right when you say lean back and let him make the special time happen again… and he will.

Sometimes these things just feel so slow and long don’t they when my feelings are being tricky and I want distracting.

I know, and what a great chance for me to practice sitting with my feelings.

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 3:13pm
366: Ella says:

Very proud of myself that I didn’t agree to drive over to his after Zumba tonigh though… or try to solve the issue of me getting there.

I just left it.

He didn’t suggest an alternate plan.

Hence I am not going.

And that is fine.

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 3:16pm
367: Sun Goddess says:

Figures, I spoke too soon. Neighbor lady is friends with LPs mom on Facebook. That makes me feel yucky. I’m trying to pour love over this nasty feeling, but it is trying really hard to surface and upset. Why do I feel this way? Probably because his mom used to think I was wonderful until LP and I had problems and I asked him to move out. I acted out and deleted her from my Facebook last year. I shut myself out, I unfriended her, I should have resolved this last year….now neighbor lady has my spot as her friend. Woah….okay, I can deal with that. Mom is not LP, Mom does not decide who LP likes or loves…LP is loyal (I believe) to me not neighbor lady. I am fine.

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 3:26pm
368: Memulo says:

I wrote a masterpiece today to a guy who kept on changing his opinion back and forth about going out with me on a 1st date. First we chatted on a dating site for about an hour, that was 2 weeks ago. Then he pursued me via emails. Then he asked me on a date. I wasn’t quite sure, but agreed. Then he asked for my number.. Called me 3 times last night. my email explains the rest:

Good morning,

Thank you for the well wishes;)

And thanks for suggesting to stay in touch. I’d love to, but I feel so confused.

See, the other day I was offered your phone number, but last night I received all the calls from the blocked account. I accepted a (very nicely) set up date, but then 3 mins into a conversation it was cancelled. was told to expect a phone call tonight once I feel better, but then I got this email instead. I don’t feel strong enough to handle this;) I’m just a girl lol and I crave consistency!

I sincerely appreciate your warmth, your intelligence and excellent manners, but I don’t want to feel puzzled, it doesn’t make me happy.

I too wish you lots if success in finding your match. I feel that new year should bring new miracles!

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 3:28pm
369: Daria says:

Ella – I am right there with you practicing asking for stuff in feeling messages (instead of bossy)

Team ASKforITinFEELINGmessages?

AFIIFM.

soooo challenging when i just want my stuff back! or to catch the bus… or… to tell him to stop talking so loud.

And then he takes it personally but doent. but he like setsme up for it but its all on me. ME

I CAN DO IT

omg this will SOOOO improve relations across the board with everyone!! Mom.. etc…

hmm

AFIIFM!

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 3:34pm
370: River Girl says:

Hello lovelies,

Felt so moved by this clip
http://youtu.be/nUDIoN-_Hxs

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 3:34pm
371: Sun Goddess says:

Oh, I’m not fine. I am crying. Why can’t I be fine? I had a lovely day. I guess I jus want everything to be okay instantly and I don’t want to wait til March or whenever. I hate my sense of urgency.

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 3:36pm
372: Daria says:

Ela – yay for power back from J!

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 3:44pm
373: Daria says:

Sun Goddess you need to circular date.

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 3:45pm
374: Daria says:

I feel weird being called Sweet Daria… i feel mistrustful… and then im like disagreed with so i wonder am i being appeased? i feel paranoid

i t feels like being choked

i wonder whatsup with that
i feel angry and sacared
i feel asheamed

i feel afraid
to talk about this
feeling

i feel highly mistrustful

reminds me of a girl i know

mmm

i dont feel good

i feel very tense
and angry??

i feel confused
on guard
surpriesed
not trusting

fear anger

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 3:50pm
375: Sun Goddess says:

I know Daria. I am trying to make myself more open to that both mentally, and time wise hence getting a weekly babysitter to come every Wednesday.

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 3:54pm
376: Ella says:

Daria.

AFIIFM.

Me Likey.

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 3:55pm
377: Ella says:

Ok he sent 2 messages while I was in shower (work colleague).

One said yeah about bringing the stuff and the other one said night night sweat dreams with kisses.

Is it rude of me not to respond?

Neither needs a repsonse, plus its late here.

But I don’t want to be cold either.

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 3:57pm
378: River Girl says:

Hey Jeanette! Lovely to see you posting again

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 3:57pm
379: Senior Lady Vibe says:

@Brenda
@361: Silver Moonbeam

Yay! Thanks. The magic is growing for 2012.

xoxo

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 4:02pm
380: Jenny says:

Hmm, ok ladies I got stuck today with how to write something in FM.
A man asked (ok he is kind of young, but he feels very mature and nice):

“Oh how nice, you have cats, I love cats, I got 2 cats. How many do you have? What race? How old are they?”

And I got like taken little by suprice…so how do I answer his questions in FM? Or does I dont do it, just focus on how my cats makes me feel?

Argh..totelly drawn into masc energy in thinking right now…I totelly love my cats and to talk about them, so easy to fall into giving facts.

Giees what a big problem I have right now ….

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 4:05pm
381: River Girl says:

Jenny, you could tell him how you feel when you come home to relax at the end of the day and your cat siddles up to you and then snuggles up beside you on the sofa

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 4:14pm
382: Jenny says:

Yes I will

…or how it feel to take care of hairbals and dead mouses…sorry, couldnt help myself. I’m feeling to giggle and silly right now. Feels like time for bed.

Take care all sirens.

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 4:19pm
383: River Girl says:

377: Ella says:

“One said yeah about bringing the stuff and the other one said night night sweat dreams with kisses.

Is it rude of me not to respond?

Neither needs a repsonse, plus its late here.

But I don’t want to be cold either.”

Ella, I often wonder what to do in that sort of exchange too. Say for example I’ve already said good night to end a text convo (without any xx’s) and then I get a really affectionate good night from him.
I don’t want to seem cold either, and I want to send a x back, but I want to let him have the last word too.

Mostly I just check in with how I’m feeling and send a or a kiss but if it feels like too much over functioning I just leave it.

Don’t think I’ve helped you very much, lol

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 4:22pm
384: Emerson says:

59 FW I like this

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 4:24pm
385: River Girl says:

Haha, that might be why I don’t have a cat Jenny!

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 4:24pm
386: Emerson says:

Ella you could just reply “thank you” and that way you are still receiving…

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 4:25pm
387: April Rose says:

FW 351,

Femininewoman, how would you feel about reading Dominique’s article again? Maybe once a day?

I felt moved by the way it moved you and also how open you were in expressing your vulnerability…

It feels like it moved and opened something precious in your heart

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 4:26pm
388: April Rose says:

FW,
Sorry for writing ‘it’
I meant Dominique’s words.

I felt moved by the effect of Dominique’s words and how they moved and opened your heart.

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 4:28pm
389: sensual says:

@361 Silver moon beam, it is Sade’s birthday on Monday – also a Capricorn!

@ 380 Jenny you could say “I have _cats, I just love cats too, they make me feel so cozy, snuggly etc etc” I chose _type of cats because they make me feel_”

…So I am feeling happy because I feel the progress in healing and opening and “being” more. Yesterday at a small gathering, many of the guys were very eligible but the girls were just all over them. Usually I would be walking up too and making conversation with them, but I just didn’t feel like competing with the other girls, that doesn’t feel very sireny to me anymore. My girlfriend I went with is a real “be-er” and I chose to sit with her and be open to men coming to chat with me, but not to go running up to them….and at the end she commented on how I was so much more “being” rather than “doing” that evening which made me feel really happy.

The problem I’m having though is that the men who are at present reaching out and coming over to talk, or texting me regularly are the ones i don’t feel attracted to. I feel sad because one or two of them are really great and really seem to want to do anything to make me happy and give me the world but one is 5ft6 and overweight (although he has a cute face) and the other is 48. They are both wonderful in every other way, but I am 5ft 7, slim and 29 and i feel like i am being too picky but I can’t help the fact that I feel just nothing when they try to give me the world. Is it me being picky or am I just blocked when I feel nothing? To accept and receive? or to not accept and keep playing?

I also feel scared to give them a chance because other people will find out and then maybe the more eligible men will be less attracted because of who i’ve dated.

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 4:34pm
390: Lizka says:

I feel a little better than this morning. Actually the whole day, I haven’t really think about E or P or any of my CDs. I just remembered that I felt sad earlier.

I just came back from my jog. I feel incredibly good and relaxed in my whole body. I feel hilarious. Like I want to start laughing since I feel so good. Like if I took some kind of drugs. Lol but I haven’t! I guess it’s the adrenalin.

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 4:45pm
391: Lizka says:

And a new guy from the dating site is textin me. I wrote a long email with so many feeling messages. Practicing to put them everywhere.

And I also practiced asking. At first I felt wrong asking him for a pic (because I talked to so many guys that I couldn’t remember wich one it was hehe). But I did. I didn’t apologize for asking or explained why I was asking (would have do that in the past). I just said “can I have another picture of you”. Feeling proud. It feels weird to ask like that thought. Have to do it more often so it becomes more natural.

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 4:50pm
392: Ella says:

Thanks Ladies,

In the end I left it, because of the slight over functioning today… it felt more balanced just to leave it this time.

I can be extra warm next time he steps up.

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 4:53pm
393: sensual says:

oh and last week I did a total 180 on a guy I felt really attracted to the last time we met 2 months ago but I had been in boy energy (feels yuck just thinking about how i was that night) all evening and he did not ask me out afterwards. Last week at his birthday I was in girl the whole evening, it meant that after saying hello i did not speak to him for 2 hours because I was not going to lean forward to approach him. Eventually he came over to me and by the end of the night he was texting “where are you” and telling me how I am his favorite and all he wants to do is make me happy. It felt great! not because I think he could be the one or anything, but just because of my progress! but then i made the mistake of going back to the afterparty and spending 48 hours with him. 2 nights! because on the second day he asked me to stay again. although I did not have sex with him, we just kissed and cuddled…but still 2 nights is waay too much, but it was so hard to say no. It was so nice feeling wanted by someone I felt attracted to. It still felt fun…but what bothered me was that on the 2nd day suddenly all my NV’s kicked in because I am so used to guys I like not wanting to spend that much time together and i started feeling really shy and insecure and not very playful. The end when he dropped me home felt really awkward and I haven’t heard from him since….but hey i don’t care about him so much anyway, i definitely made babysteps and it is another lesson, don’t spend too much time too soon! even without the sex it can kill the attraction.

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 4:54pm
394: tenny says:

Brenda –

“Tenny, RE: #176 – LOL, and give compassion to your weak parts! They get slathered in love, too!”

That feels good to think about! I will!!!

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 5:44pm
395: Starla says:

well hello:) i’m home from work so here i am on the blog. i leaned back nicely and it felt great, but i feel such a CRACK ADDICTION when CF doesn’t contact me…i feel sad that he’s not tried to see me yet this week, even though i told him this week would be bad because i’m so busy. he’ll come through. he always does.

Now I am eating something before I’m very hungry (hi LG!!), and then taking a nice hot shower and putting lotion on my body and taking care of myself. then i’m going to crawl into bed with my laptop and work on my side business for a couple of hours.

My goal this month is not to stress about deadlines and stuff. In order to do this, I need to give myself plenty of time to do tasks in small, manageable chunks, and take care of myself with stuff like nice showers and self-care BEFORE i set out to be productive for the evening/day. it also means i need to eat when i feel hungry,and not try to put off eating in the name of being productive. Because i’m not all that productive when i’m hungry, anyway

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 5:53pm
396: Starla says:

also, you ladies remember “MyGuy”? He is STILL calling me and trying to get me to give him a chance to talk to me.

But it’s funny how they always come crawling back.

I wasn’t so great to him. He wasn’t great to me either. Just not right. I’ll never give him another chance.

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 6:00pm
397: Starla says:

393 sensual, i’m so happy for you getting to experiment with how leaning back feels, and what it feels like to spend days on end with a new man, and stuff like that. you sound really good!!

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 6:02pm
398: T-Girl says:

Lillybelly, the cave stuff is so hard to deal with but when J did that to me right before New Year’s, I think that is when he figured out he loved me. They need their time in the cave to realize how much they love us.

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 6:10pm
399: tenny says:

Mochaberri & Butterfly Wings – Thank you!!

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 6:10pm
400: tenny says:

Tonight, leaning back feels like floating in open space. Rather than empty, I feel light. Where I would normally feel pain for confusion I feel airy. I’m not calling any CD, not worried about the one’s that haven’t called, not going crazy wishing CD Song (I renamed him from CD Hood – the songs he sung to me have stayed in my mind all weekend) would call me or if he is thinking about me too, and not going crazy that I really like CD assertive but feel safe leaning back while enjoying the pursuit… can’t quite put my finger on it tonight, but I feel light.

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 6:14pm
401: Mel says:

Tis “Man-cave” week me thinks. Sorta like “Shark Week” on the Discovery Channel, only more primitive.

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 6:28pm
402: sensual says:

@starla – thank you, your comment feels really good to read.

@ tenny 400 – that leaning back feels like floating and airy and light (instead of the old non-sireny waiting around feeling). oooh i love that, that feels great. Leaning back is taking time to float and enjoy and love me! (until they catch me again )

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 6:31pm
403: Starla says:

haha mel i was just thinking the same thing

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 6:32pm
404: Sun Goddess says:

I love that I got calls from friends tonight. Changed my mood back. But, now I’m thinking about the money LP still owes me.

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 6:38pm
405: Emerson says:

Ick..I think I need to stop looking at POF for a while. It’s depressing me right now. So many guys saying no drama or no overweight girls (Im only about five to ten pounds over but still, I think its kinda rude) or no this or that etc…it puts me in a weird headspace to read it;…..and I don’t want to do anything that makes me feel weird or bad

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 6:43pm
406: Mel says:

Dearest fairy princess Starla,

Is your man in his cave too?

It’s because they are so besotted with us that they just don’t know what to do with themselves. That, and because the full moon made them feel a little werewolf-y and they need a second to become gentlemen again.

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 6:44pm
407: Mel says:

Chicas…. ¿ dónde están ?

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 7:04pm
408: Starla says:

estoy aqui, es que acabo de ducharme, pero estoy aqui ahorrita:)

CF is in his cave too. he has been calling, but not trying to see me, and he lives like 13 minutes from here soooooo it’s not hard. i kinda like the space but i hate the lack of being the total center of his world, except if he didn’t focus on his work and his life, i would feel so not attracted to him soooooooo i’m rambling and stopping now yes yes

he just called and left a message while i was in the ducha but i don’t waant to call back. i think it’s a power play on my part to not call back BUT i also know that i have much to do for myself tonight and don’t want to deal with the distraction and triggering…it’s Starla time tonight.

just clawing for the balance and the peace and sooooo into him, too.

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 7:15pm
409: Femininewoman says:

Mel you speak Spanish?

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 7:16pm
410: Femininewoman says:

RE 396 Ha Starla

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 7:19pm
411: Lolita says:

I feel so terrible right now… M was supposed to call or text tonight and he’s not… We had a great evening last night (after a big blowup las week). Now I just want to cry.

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 7:22pm
412: Starla says:

Hi Lolita (love your name!!), sorry you are feeling bad tonight.

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 7:29pm
413: C says:

I feel so scared and in pain and lost….I have been working on and off with Rori’s tools…and they have always been amazing.
I have gone and done just THAT. sent explosive hurtful messages filled with ‘you’s’.. then calmer messages filled with ‘i feels’ and also apologised for the unkind cruel words.
Now I am beside myself, and surviving only because I feel more in tune with myself now than I did a few years ago…
I have been feeling a bit blindsided by my very recent realization that I have been feeling a bit lonely and neglected throughout our relationship, due to him doing everything he can to stay in the country with me, and me trying to cope with finishin g a really difficult, long and impossible PhD (not feeling so smart, to be honest).
Objectively, I can see that we have both been in situations where we each required more support than the other could give.
With actions, he does everything he can to make me happy, and we are in a relationship and he is now in our new home country building his life and laying the foundations for our lives together.

I am the one feeling really insecure and unsafe and defensive and attacking, and I feel really ashamed to see that I am the ‘undermining, crazy, psycho bitch’ girlfriend.’

For the first time in a long time things are going wonderful for him and while I genuinely feel really glad, I feel this uncontrollable instinctive jealously and feel threatened that I will not feel needed anymore. Even though he spends alot of time thinking about us and what he can do for me.

I also feel really really ashamed of myself as I know in part these outbursts come from PMS – endometriosis and some polycystic ovaries and hence hormonal imbalances.

However I realised that the outbursts were basically my true inner fears magnified.

I have been flying back and forth a couple of trips as he is not able to enter the country I am now in / we are moving from. while I genuinely love the new place and feel quite excited about our new life there, it feels really stressful for me as I am flying between a city that I have come to see as home, where many good things have happened for me , including even learning to recognize how I am feeling and making good friends. and I am also feeling stuck here wih my phd which I feel really really trapped by, as I chose to stay on years ago even though things were not working (experiments, supervisors). and then being in the new place with him, where we are both happy, but this going back and forth feels unsettling for my already highly-sensitive system.

I feel like I am such an undesirable version of me at the moment

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 7:32pm
414: Starla says:

i started feeling more relaxed and really missing CF so i txtd him to let him know i was working and i’d be done in an hour or two…

and now i am just like seriously crack rock craving that he says he wants to see me tonight before i go to bed… i’d suggest it, but for the sake of my own leaning back sanity i should really chill out on that. i need to learn how to be surprised anyway. and let go of my desire to control. blah blah. i feel so rambly and weird tonight:)

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 7:45pm
415: Starla says:

it feels nice to be working at home without a boss to make me feel jumpy

actually i make myself jumpy by not just focusing exclusively on work, which is “against the rules” lol. and breaking the rules makes me feel jumpy.

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 7:48pm
416: lk says:

regarding Man Cave week – i feel it too !

lol CD didn’t try to make plans until Friday ! that is cool though. i need the next 2 nights to myself to clean & then to catch up on a project : ) nice, lk ! sleep well, sweet girl !

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 7:54pm
417: Starla says:

uggghhhh resisting urge to suggest he come over here and give me hugs lol so hard to resist urge

resisting anyway

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 8:00pm
418: Turquoise says:

Hi Sirens!

Took awhile to catch up on the blog tonight. I still feel snarky, and was short with my daughters tonight, over grades and chores…. feel bad about that. They asked to sleep with me and I said yes. I love that they love me even when I’m snarky. Heading to bed very soon….

Kayla, your story makes me feel so sad. If I was your mom I would hold you in my arms, tell you that I am so sorry you’ve been hurt by my actions and choices. Tell you how loved you are and that everything will be ok, because I will do better. I’m sorry your mom isn’t there for you.

I didn’t have those sorts of challenges growing up, but my parents were divorced, my mom was more interested in dating than in spending a lot of time with me. (Not that I wanted to, I was ALWAYS with my friends) she disappointed me with her choices several times, BUT over time… basically my adult life (i’m 38) we have grown much closer. I see her differently now than I did at 18. I feel for her for what she’d been through and how hard it is to be a single mom. We had NO MONEY growing up. I have decent money and there are still months when I’m really stretching from paycheck to paycheck.

No excuses for your mom, but we are all human, make lots of mistakes or poor decisions, and struggle. Life can be really hard sometimes.

Do the best you can to take care of yourself and know we are here when you need to talk.

Big hugs!!!!

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 8:23pm
419: Turquoise says:

Resist Starla!!! Let him miss you~ feels much sweeter when they are the ones letting you know they need to see you!

On the reincarnation/cell memory discussion, I dated a guy who saw ghosts, and felt he’d been reincarnated twice! It was interesting! I have a lot of de

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 8:26pm
420: Turquoise says:

javu, and have dreams that often come true, and have always gotten good readings at psychics. Even about me, as a teenager, my mom would go and they told her stuff about me that came true!

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 8:28pm
421: Sweetpea says:

Mel @ 406,

Lol! Tonight is the full moon, isn’t?!

I feel giggly, cuz last MM texted me that he’ll “howl” at me tonight. rotfl

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 8:30pm
422: Sweetpea says:

“last night” I meant to say…

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 8:31pm
423: Turquoise says:

Hmm…. Sweetpea….. werewolves are sexy!!! (At least the twilight variety!)

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 8:32pm
424: Rori Raye says:

Hang in there, C – it’s not always “emotional” and “psychological.” – Try what I always suggest right off for every new client: probiotics/massive omega 3s (lots of great brands – start at top dosage on the bottles) and vit d, and get your B12 checked too. I always go to a Chinese Medical dr. first – perhaps you can get your hormones smoothed out just with starting with these…Love, Rori

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 8:35pm
425: Rori Raye says:

- also sugar and gluten. Just stop sugar AND gluten for a week and see how you feel…Love, Rori

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 8:35pm
426: Sweetpea says:

Turquoise,

Lol! I’ve got me a werewolf who’s into vampires in MM…hmmm… Twilight?

Read the books – haven’t seen the movies. Fun, fun!

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 8:36pm
427: Sweetpea says:

I’ve been being a good little Siren today and studying up on relationship psychology so I can be a highly effective coach. And, cuz I still feel a little unworthy, not knowledgable enough, self doubt around it, blah, blah, blah.

It’s muy interesting stuff. Studying up on the pursuit and withdrawal (yes that’s what leaning back is called in psychology, hmmm…) – Doesn’t sound as nice in that context, but it is THE main pattern in relationship, apparently. I’ve seen so many sides of it the last couple of days.

Also, I’m feeling ever so grateful for manifesting someone like MM. Seeing about how the fear of abandonment engenders trust issues and withdrawal is so prominent with that and how the best way to handle if (for a man) is to stand up, be strong, pursue and say, “I worship you and I’m here. You’re not walking out (dammit!) until you either tell me what you want or I keep trying until I find something that works.” Exactly what MM does. I wonder how much of this stuff he’s studied. Or if it’s just life experience with a sensitive and intuitive, strong man. (Who woulda thunk I’d put those words together in one sentence? Wowsa)!

Anyway, I’m learning all kinds of good stuff and thinking I might volunteer at a women’s shelter to get some good practice under my belt (self-confidence coaching).

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 8:44pm
428: Turquoise says:

Brenda, do you read the Janette Oke books? I believe you’d love them. They are Christian based romances based in the 1800′s and early 1900′s in the US and Canada. If you’ve seen the Love Comes Softly series of movies, they are based on her books, but the books are so much better! (as is my usual opnion!) I fell in love with them when I was teaching in Germany (prekids) and my ex was in Bosnia for almost a year. I lost myself in books for an entire summer!

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 8:45pm
429: Turquoise says:

Rori,

I don’t even take a multivitamin! My grandma lives to be a 101, and was very healthy for most of it. She loved her vitamins and supplements…. not sure how that didn’t pass onto me. I barely drink water. I live on diet soda and salt. SO BAD, I know!

My NY Resolution is to take better care of myself. I was looking at health insurance plans on line, found a dentist with a payment plan, and have lost 3 pounds this week, cooking at home, packing my lunch and avoiding eating out. I will dig out the vitamins and add those to my morning routine. Thank you for the reminder!!!!!

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 8:49pm
430: Starla says:

wow tonight felt so good and stress-free. i just got done working for my pre-determined amount of time tonight and actually wanted to keep going, but it’s getting late and i should sleep and the idea is i take it a little bit at a time so i don’t ever have to feel stressed out:)

plus i was feeling hungry and hadn’t snacked as planned so it was definitely time to eat, especially since i completed my work for the evening.

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 9:58pm
431: Zara says:

Mathew’s seven mantras part 1
http://www.gettheguy.co.uk/site/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/GLAMOUR-MAG-ARTICLE-page1.jpg

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 10:17pm
432: Zara says:

Mathew’s seven mantras part 2
http://www.gettheguy.co.uk/site/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/GLAMOUR-MAG-ARTICLE-page-2.jpg

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 10:18pm
433: Zara says:

Mathew’s last video
http://www.gettheguy.co.uk/blog/glamour-magazine/

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 10:19pm
434: Daria says:

im not wanting to go out tonite.. tho i did get asked otu… and im not wanting to paln for tomorrow either… tho i got asked out then too…

i am free for 2 days ahead of time meaing thursday and after

yum

and im not returneing the phoone call of the guy complainging that im not answering on my voicemail

i dont feel good it feels a bit scary

and i feel worried that i won’t feel taken care of emotionally

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 10:26pm
435: Brenda says:

Turquoise,

RE: #428 – Thank you! I am familiar with them, but I’ve never read them. Maybe I will check them out!

I’m texting Ryan right now!

And CO contacted me tonight after about a month of walking away! So there is a case of leaning back working!

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 11:32pm
436: Daria says:

Thank you Daria for saying No tonight

Thank you for asking my dad for help

Thank you for showering me

Thank you for folding up sone clothes

Thank you for brushing my hair

Thank you for putting me in bed

Thank you for giving me fresh water

Thank you for giving me comfortable pants

Thank you for doing the tapping to let the magic in

Thank you for not scheduling for tomorrow

Thank you for practicing AHIIFM

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 11:38pm
437: Brenda says:

I like the Sade song a lot.

Yes, SLV, we will embrace everything good in this new year.

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 11:43pm
438: Brenda says:

SLV,

RE: #359 – What you wrote is beautiful! Yes, this video is amazing, and I watch it again and again!

By Your Side, by Sade
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C8QJmI_V3j4&feature=colike

Oooooo, magic!. Thank you, thank you, Brenda. I remember watching that amazing music video last year.

The power of the magic is to grasp it, take it into the real world [see 3:50 -4:26 of video] and to create the kind of relationship I want.

The secret is “the one” isn’t necessarily the man who first inspires the magic. That’s OK too. It’s what’s meant to be; he played his part… and now for the best magic!

I’m now creating “Blueprint for Magic”… for myself.

I just downloaded the video so I can play it at home when I don’t have good signal. Yummmmmmy.

xoxo

Tuesday, 10 January 2012 @ 11:46pm
439: Zara says:

The feminine and masculine discussed by 2 young males. Yummy video
http://vimeo.com/23735165

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 12:13am
440: C says:

Wow ladies, it feels a bit mesmerizing reading your posts, helps me get out of my head a little and I feel inspired by everyone learning to be kind to themselves.

Thank you Rori, I have written the stuff down.

I will definilte try it.

I have also had a conversation with my guy about it all and I have felt heard and validated and understood this time.

I also remembered all the tools re leaning back and sinking into my feelings and feeling soft.

It felt really calming and safe to be able to express that I felt ashamed that I was still stuck here because I am taking to long to finish school and

also feeling embarassed seeing and hearing myself go off the handle. And I said I feel lost at this stage as to how to respond when the feeling comes up again.

I am always in my head and it has taken so much practice to be able to sink into my feelings, thanks to your tools. But sometimes especially when things start feeling good and comfortable and I get into “rockstar’ mode and do not even feel like I need any tools and things feel great.

Then a trigger happens and so quick, I feel I revert back to trying to control and cover my fear and the attack/defense happens.

Is there a place or a guide on how to reduce sugar? I do not add sugar to my tea/ I always go for low-added sugar but I am also a fan of chocolate.

On Friday when I knew my body was going into PMS, I watched myself buy a giant tub of mashed potato, instant noodles and a big sweet bun. weirdly I did not feel bad the next day.

What is going on, why do our bodies make us feel so, so crazy sometimes

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 12:42am
441: Silver Moonbeam says:

#435 Brenda

OK you’ve lost me now, who is CO? Is that the rich guy with the swimming pool?

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 12:54am
442: River Girl says:

Hi C

I can relate to those giant mood swings with PMS! Blah!!!! I think you are probably on a good path if you are considering reducing sugar it certainly reduced the severity of my symptoms when I cut it out over a year ago.

Here is a link to a free forum for people wanting to cut out sugar. Lots of interesting stuff there and personal stories. Good luck!

http://sweetpoison.myfreeforum.org/index.php

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 12:55am
443: Jenny says:

385: River Girl says:
“Haha, that might be why I don’t have a cat Jenny!”

Hehe – I got 4

389: sensual says:
“@ 380 Jenny you could say “I have _cats, I just love cats too, they make me feel so cozy, snuggly etc etc” I chose _type of cats because they make me feel_””

Yes…I was just taken by suprice becourse the man had asked if I know the small town where he lived.
And I just answered: “Yes I bring my cats to the vet there”

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 1:26am
444: Senior Lady Vibe says:

@438: Brenda says:
Yes, this video is amazing, and I watch it again and again!
By Your Side, by Sade
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C8QJmI_V3j4&feature=colike
————–

Me too! I picked it up from Prairie Girl last year. What ever happened to Prairie Girl? Here by another username? I think she has a blog too. I wonder how she’s doing…

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 2:14am
445: Ella says:

Morning Sirens.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 2:21am
446: Ella says:

Zara / Sirens,

Who is this Mathew guy and is he any good?

Thanks.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 2:22am
447: Senior Lady Vibe says:

Here’s Rori’s “new year letter” post.

Note: If we write the letter for this year, we’ll be dating our letters January 2013 and writing about our wonderful year 2012.

Rori Raye:

“Your New Year Will Bring You The Love You Want”
http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/heal-your-heart/your-new-year-will-bring-you-the-love-you-want/

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 2:48am
448: C says:

Thank you River Girl..

it feels so drastic and scary to try to cut out sugar..but I must do something about this mood swings.

On another note, I just came home from the supermarket and got molested by someone.

I feel so stupid because I was feeling all girly and felt like wearing my wedge-heels out just for the fun of it.

And because of that it was impossible to run after the guy. I would have sprinted like the wind and beaten him up I would have.

I have made a police report .

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 2:56am
449: Sun Goddess says:

Oh C, that is horrible! (((( c ))))

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 3:03am
450: Mochaberri says:

@ Daria #374

I feel agitated and when I read your posts and you’re riffing and it’s feels scary to hear that you are mistrustful of comments – I feel my nerve endings pulsating in my head

I called you sweet Daria because you have a soft side when you are providing support. I’m wondering is this something that needs healing when someone responds to you and doesn’t agree with your comments.

I’m feeling critcized and frightened – soemthing I know I need to heal

Thank you Daria for bringing that out of me so that I can heal and become soft on the outside and stong on the inside

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 3:08am
451: Senior Lady Vibe says:

“Does a Man Always Ask Out a Woman If He’s Interested In Her?”
http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/does-a-man-always-ask-out-a-woman-if-hes-interested-in-her/

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 3:18am
452: Senior Lady Vibe says:

@448: C says:
“…I feel so stupid because I was feeling all girly and felt like wearing my wedge-heels out just for the fun of it.
And because of that it was impossible to run after the guy. I would have sprinted like the wind and beaten him up I would have. ..”

I’m glad you didn’t run after him! Be extra sweet to yourself; he’s the stupid one, a jerk too!

{{{C}}}

xoxo

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 3:25am
453: C says:

Thank you ladies. It is so weird. This is the fourth time in my life it has happened.
I was feeling calm and quiet and rather happy as it has been a rough couple of days and things have felt resolved, and then this happened.

The last few times it happened , when I think about it, I did not respond in time and this time I just yelled out so loud I think it frightened him!!! It was like a roar!!! The moment I felt a hand I yelled and as I turned around and realized what had just happened I continued roaring so loudly and projected my voice so FAR (I am usually not confident in confronting situationas and when I was in primary school I lip-synced in the choir as I did not have it in me to find my voice, just a gist of how far I have come!!)

RRAAWWWRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

I feel quite powerful but I so seriously wish I could have sprinted after him!!

I stood there and watched him run off and yelled so loudly at him
RRAAWWRRR!!!! DROP DEAD MotherF@#$%^ or something like that.

I cried a bit when I called the police (unfortunately i did not see his face) but I have a feeling I feel stronger now and not feeling weakened by this incident.

RRAAWWWRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 4:20am
454: C says:

I was feeling glad all the bad stuff has passed and wanted to go get coconut milk to make the curry properly and I saw these wedge sandals I bought months ago and thought, hey time to try it out!!
And because of that it was impossible to run after the guy. I would have sprinted like the wind and beaten him up I would have.
I was feeling all calm and walking slowly and feeling like the kind of calm after a storm and renewed and mellow and unworried. he must have thought I was weak!!!
I have never roared so loudly in my life!!! noone came though, one car passed by I tried to stop it but it was dark maybe they didn’t see me.
With all those dreams I used to have when I was very little, like losing my voice and no voice no matter how loudly I tried to yell out to my parents who kept walking further and further into the cave…and I had no voice evry time it happened when I got molested the next few times, but tonight I roared so loud like a lion

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 4:43am
455: C says:

I am feeling a bit shaken now though, asI recall the feeling of his hands roughly grabbing me…i feel disgusted

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 4:47am
456: Mel says:

@ FW:

Si, hablo. I lived/worked in latin america for a while, in a past life. In this life, my Spanish is interfering with my ability to learn French. lol

The other day, Mr. A, who does not speak any Spanish (except for a few phrases a crazy lady taught him whilst we were in the emergency room a while back… lol) texted me: estoy enamorado OMG *swoon*!

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 4:49am
457: Silver Moonbeam says:

#453/4/5

C that is just horrible. {{{ HUGS }}}

Good on you for roaring at him, maybe it will stop him doing it to another woman. I don’t know where you live, is this common in your country as you say it is the 4th time it has happened, I know in some countries men take a different approach to women than in other countries.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 4:53am
458: C says:

And no a man dosn’t always ask a lady out if he is interested in her because I have ssen it often with guys I know as friends and very often it boils down to them not having enough confidence. but when it is someone they are absolutely mad about, they will find the last shred of confidence and take a chance and risk rejection..sometimes..

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 4:55am
459: Mel says:

Kudos C, you were a strong, resilient lioness!

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 4:57am
460: C says:

^^ that was in response to @451 Senior Lady Vibe

Wow I am sitting here feeling worried for feeling like Ihave interrupted the conversation with my outpour…doormat much, lol!!

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 4:58am
461: T-Girl says:

C – so sorry to hear that happened to you and more than once. I can’t even imagine how that must feel.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 5:01am
462: Mel says:

Oooh! Mr. A has emerged from his cave! This morning I got an email:

“Would you be interested in coming over? I’m missing you!”

Awwwww…. of course you are missing me cupcake! That’s what happens when you sequester yourself to your cave for too long. lol

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 5:03am
463: C says:

#457 Silver Moonbeam,
thank you kindly

the first two times it happened was in Singapore where I am from.

The first time was my cousin when I was 10 and he was 11 and I woke up with his hand in my pants while we were away on a family holiday.
That shut me down for my teenage years and I avoided boys and it was easy to as I went to a girl’s school did not really interact with guys until I was about 20.

The second time was in singapore.

The next two times have been in Australia, where I have lived for 10 years.

Thank fully I have not lived in any societies where women’s rights are not a given. And it still happens.

I want to find him and punch him .!!

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 5:03am
464: Lizka says:

Good morning ladies!!!

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 5:12am
465: C says:

Thank you T Girl, Mochaberri and Sun Goddess.
Big Hugs and Love.

Good morning Lizka!!
It is time for me to go to bed it is 1220am in Aussieland

Have a wonderful day ahead

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 5:20am
466: C says:

and Thank you Mel also ,big hugs!!!

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 5:21am
467: Lolita says:

I felt so anxious last night, he was supposed to call but by 10 he hadn’t… Then I did the circular breathing and opened my heart… And he called to say good night.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 5:37am
468: tenny says:

Good morning Sirens! Love and blessings to you all this beautiful morning. Do you see the sun rising along Siren Island

I am writing on the blog this morning instead of sending a text to CD Song. I’m feeling that man lovely!! And it feels so sweet to feel this euphoria, but it makes me feel so good about myself… it’s just so hard to contain it all, I want to reach out to him, but I know to lean back even more. My feminine energy drew him in, and now it will keep him coming, I just have to keep my hands off that phone!!!!

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 5:48am
469: Ella says:

Hi Sirens,

Have just stopped in for a bit of moral support.

Today I am promoting my Zumbathon Charity Party locally. It is in a couple of weeks and as well as promoting my classes will also be raising money for breast cancer.

I am hoping to create a bit of a buzz around it and am currently trying all different avenues to promote it.

I really want to contact a local newspaper and invite them to cover it but at the moment my NVs are getting the best of me saying that a paper will have much more important, juciy stories to cover, and that they will laugh at me if I phone up with my little Zumbathon Party.

What do you all think?

Should I try to pluck up the courage to contact them anyway and just give it a shot?

Phone or e-mail?

I feel scared.

Lots of crazy energy today though.

Trying to remember to go slow but at least I am getting a lot done.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 5:50am
470: tenny says:

Senior Vibe Lady:

I LOVE Sade!!! Thanks for sharing!!!

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 5:53am
471: Femininewoman says:

Mel I don’t know how to say this properly so forgive me if it doesn’t come out right. Just be careful of giving him the impression that you are there at his convenience and that connection can only happy when he wants it. It is something I am struggling with.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 5:58am
472: Mel says:

FW…

That’s a bit of a conundrum, isn’t it? I mean, we don’t want to lean forward and initiate contact… we want them to come to us…

But at the same time, it isn’t all about them.

Thankfully, I don’t think Mr. A has that impression. He asked me over on Monday and I told him I thought it might be better if I just stayed in and got some stuff done around the house, and had some “me” time. He replied that his first instinct was to keep me all to himself, but that he knows he has to share.

When he requested my company this evening, I replied that it would only work for me if I came by after ballet. I was feeling so excited about starting the new term and would not miss it for the world.

Lately, he just wants to see me as much as possible. Often, I don’t even think it’s convenient for him… but he wants to see me anyway.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 6:08am
473: Femininewoman says:

RED FLAG #3: HE SAYS THINGS THAT HURT
A man who gives you a backhanded compliment should be left sitting alone on his barstool. But what if it comes from someone who seemed perfect at
first?
Sometimes a truly abusive man will get into your good graces by giving you true compliments at first, but then will try to tear you down later on by turning
those compliments into backhanded verbal slaps.

http://www.unforgettablewoman.net

Or he might become even more verbally abusive, teasing you about being “stupid” or “dumb” or asking you questions that are designed to make you
feel like an idiot. One of the hallmarks of this kind of toxic man is second-guessing yourself.

If you used to feel very confident but now you take a second thought about anything and everything you do, you’ve met one of the toxic men.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 6:17am
474: Ella says:

Far too excited today!

And breath Ella

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 6:17am
475: Femininewoman says:

Yeah Mel. A delicate balance.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 6:19am
476: Femininewoman says:

Some men just aren’t romantic, some men can’t say they love you (though it sounds like you had a very fulfilling phone conversation).

This is not about “romance.”
This is about the big ticket items:

Do you want to be married to him?

Do you want to live with him?

When do you suppose that should start to come together?

Do you see him moving in that direction?

Are you spending so much time together that living together and marriage seem like a logical next step?

Or are you “dating” – in which case you should also be “dating” many other men at the same time.

The 3rd and 4th month of a relationship is very challenging – that’s when things turn real or they don’t.

What YOU have to do is to start saying not what you WANT – but what you DON’T want – you don’t want to “date” him exclusively indefinitely without knowing where you’re headed or how he feels, and if he just isn’t lighting your fire – perhaps your fire is lit by men who do not treat you well (this guy’s ACTIONS are speaking louder than words – sounds like he’s “giving” to you.

The next few weeks are for you to become more vulnerable, for you to see if you enjoy his company and want the relationship to move on to marriage, and see what he does.

They are for you to keep your options open until he tells you to shut them down. He has to make these decisions, and pushing him is not only useless – it does not serve you.

Take care of yourself, enjoy him on a moment by moment basis – and see if those moments grow into a lifetime.

Stay in touch with your feelings and you’ll know what’s happening – pushing him to give to you in the way you want him to give to you will not work.

Let him know whenever he does something you LIKE, and let him know whenever he does something you don’t like.

Let him know how it feels – what about your relationship makes you feel “not special” – all that (but first – really examine your own feelings, motives – what you really want for the long run.

I say brava to you to know that if things don’t work for you the way you like, you’re happy to leave and let another man make you happy. It also sounds like this guy deserves a shot.

The take-away here is that most stuff we think matters doesn’t matter at all.

It doesn’t matter what other people think, it doesn’t matter what our family thinks, it doesn’t matte what your “brain” thinks – what matters is that you feel “met” emotionally, that your physical, emotional, psychological, romantic needs are being filled enough so that you feel a constant sense of well being and contentment and comfort when you’re around a man and when you aren’t.

FEELING loved – and TRUSTING you are loved is where it’s at – and when you’re feeling that – you can speak to a man so directly and truthfully and emotionally authentic that he will change what he needs to in order to make you happy. Period.

So …look for that. Look for your feelings, not for what a man is like on paper.

Love, Rori

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 6:25am
477: Mel says:

475:

I think the key is just having a “life” that keeps you somewhat unavailable. Hobbies, activities, friends, CDs, etc. that he also has to compete with for your time.

This week I am committed to spend time doing some of the things I love (ballet, running). I have also invited a friend to come visit me over the weekend to do some outdoor pursuits, so I will not be available to spend the weekend with Mr. A this week.

When he first met me, he found m,e interesting because of the cool hobbies and activities I am involved in. I don’t want to give those up for any man!

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 6:27am
478: Femininewoman says:

So what are some of the main ways you can be too needy and cause yourself constant heartbreak and disappointment with men?
1. Your neediness can show up as possessiveness and jealousy. There is nothing more miserable than being overwhelmed by your own sense of not being good enough. It makes you clingy and overly attentive to a man’s every move while you ignore your own feelings and needs.
2. You determine to set good boundaries for yourself but you can’t maintain them because you are worried that the man won’t like you. This can result in you getting intimate with a man before you know that he’s committed to you or letting him treat you in a way that makes you feel like you’re not a priority in his life.
3. You’ll hold back your feelings and opinions with a man so you won’t disagree with him and rock the boat. If he thinks you agree with him you won’t be judged as wrong. You’ll also avoid any conflict that could erupt from you expressing your personal opinions.
If you’re too needy and dependent on a man you will be a slave to your feelings. It will keep you in chains of desperation and you will never be able to relax and be yourself with a man.
There is only one cure for being too needy: emotional freedom! What does emotional freedom feel like when you’re in a relationship? It feels like confidence.
As opposed to being too needy in your relationship, you’re no longer dependent on the man you are with to make you feel safe, worthy or loved.
Too needy in your relationship: Stop being the victim
Emotional freedom requires that you stop seeing yourself as a victim. It requires that you take responsibility for your feelings and act on them accordingly. When you take on your emotions as “your problem” you create less drama in your relationships…less anger, blame and resentment.
When you’ve worked on yourself and are no longer being needy and desperate in your relationships you will find not only emotional freedom but a great sense of worthiness that you create for yourself and that no one can take away from you

http://www.itsnevertoolatetomarry.com/are-you-too-needy-in-your-relationships/

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 6:49am
479: Starla says:

CF called AGAIN this morning so i answered it half asleep. he was so sweet to me, as always, about being sleepy. he offers me much phone sweetness

i’m resisting the urge to suggest, and resisting the urge to ask him to drive me home from work today (it freaking snowed, boooo, don’t waant to go outside!!!), because i would feel dumb if the only reason we’re seeing each other is because i asked.

he would be happy to see me, and would act like it was his idea, but i would feel stupid…it would damage my self esteem.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 6:56am
480: April Rose says:

Hi Sirens,

Can anyone give me some more details on what Rori advised to C

“I always suggest right off for every new client: probiotics/massive omega 3s (lots of great brands – start at top dosage on the bottles) and vit d, and get your B12 checked too”

Feel a bit silly, and like I’m missing something basic here.
If these things can improve mood and health, I’d like to give them a go…

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 6:57am
481: Starla says:

ugh but this stupid scary cold snow…i don’t want to walk. i have to this morning. maybe if it’s terrible out i will text him that i don’t want to be out in the snow and it feels yucky, could he please drive me home tonight.

he always says yes when i ask for rides in the snow

it would feel better if he’d offer

ohhh now i feel sad.

MyGuy always offered, and i miss that, but it doesn’t mean a thing….he wasn’t so great for me.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 7:00am
482: Senior Lady Vibe says:

@458: C

Interesting article. Did you enjoy it?

I took note of the proposed four different ways men see women as just friends.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 7:00am
483: memulo says:

Ladies, need an advise. CD called me last night to say that he likes me, but is not going to pursue. It’s only been 2 dates and I am not emotionally involved. I did have a good time with him as a person though, so asked if he wants to remain friends. He was happy about that. And immediately after started talking about how he wanted to kiss me on our last date, but didnt since I warned him in advance (I did). Then he asked when we will go to see an opera (we never discussed this in the past). I said that I can get discounted tickets, will check the schedule and let him know. Do you think I can plan to see an opera with him right away or need to wait?

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 7:12am
484: Jane Canney says:

Hi Rori,
Thank you so much for your inspiration, read & summarised your book and I can’t stop reading it now. It applied to my whole relationship, I could understand why I wasn’t feeling the love from him, always guessing, waiting for his text, calls. dates and I was overfunctioning. OK, I was in a realationship for 6 months with a great guy. He is a little shy and found it hard to express his feelings, didn’t plan in advance until I addressed it and then he cooked me dinner and always asked when I want to meet for for the following week. We work a half an hour apart and come from near the same areas so both travel home at weekends. We usually met up once a week and sometimes at home, but I used to get upset as he went out with the lads at weekends as he was fixing cars and only finished and then met the lads. Weekends were never organised around me and that was upsetting. I did organise to go out with my friends so once he text on a Saturday evening and I ignorred it and went out for my friends girlfriend. I was fuming at him. I saw him in the pub and he didn’t come near me nor did I go near him. He drove by me at the end of the night and stopped and I saw he was in bad form. I didn’t text for a week and he didn’t contact me as he thought I was breaking up with me. I thought I could teach him a lesson in my own mind. When I got in touch, he was very angry and wanted to know what was the reason for the complete lack of communication. I just said I was busy and had to move house. I asked him and he said, that I was out in his town and didn’t even let him know nor contact me for a week.. Then I asked him to meet to talk it over and he said he couldnt meet he next day but during the week. He came over on the Tuesday texting saying there would be more words than kisses. That was when he said indirectly he was breaking up with me. He said he coudln’t go back on his word. He stayed chatting for three hours about stuff and we seemed to be getting on well. Then he text saying He was sorry if he hurt me, but really enjoyed every minute spent with me. Good night x. So I naturally thought there was hope. I said Good night x. Then a week later, I was still really upset and crying and needed a final answer so I text saying I was hurt and confused and want to know if there is still an us. He rang for an hour and said his answer was a no. I opened up to him telling him my feelings on how I didn’t want to be the one chasing him and I was afraid of being that girl who initiates relationships/ He then said why did I not tell me that last week and things may be different. I could never open up to him and was waiting for him to do it. Now a month on after Christmas, i had cut contact, but he facebooked me for Christmas wishing me a happy one and I replied with the same. I also saw him online last week so I asked him how did he get over his Christmas and we chatted like best friends. He told me all about his Christmas with his friends, work, his masters asked me questions and even said PS enjoyed chatting to me, as well as trying to initiate a flity funny chat about him going to bed teasing me. So I left it at good night & nice chatting to you too. the thing is I really like him still and want to get back with him but don’t want to initiative contact/getting back. I have been keeping myself busy circulating dating, actually dating, running, loving myself etc. Do you think I should meet him for a general catch up over a coffee or like my ego says wait till he says hi on chat again? I look forward to hearing from You. All the best.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 7:14am
485: Starla says:

memulo
well, how do you feel?

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 7:20am
486: Lolita says:

Memulo: If YOU look for discount tickets and get them, you are way leaning forward.. he was not sure to pursue, I would let him take the initiative, then thank him for it.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 7:20am
487: LILI 41 says:

447:

SLV,

That’s exactly what I needed to read this morning!

THANK YOU!

I called in sick today. I always take a day off work around this time of year.
I call it my pyjama day. It’s more like ME day.
I spend my weekends doing housework, errands and going out.
I always feel the need for an extra ME day where I just lounge around in my pj’s and just float and sorta “reset” or “reboot” myself.
No errands, no calling anyone, no distractions from myself.

I feel lost this morning. I feel the need to stop time and just focus on myself to bring myself back on track.
I purposely triggered myself yesterday.
I got angry and attacked.
I wouldn’t let myself get to sleep until midnight.
My alram clock sounded for an hour, then I decided that this was time for my annual ME day.

Your link is exactly what I needed SLV.
That letter writing exercise is exactly what I need to do today.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 7:24am
488: memulo says:

Starla,

I have no plans on friday night and would love to see an opera (with him). I did not have feelings for him, though we did have a connection a bit stronger than you would expect from just 2 dates. If he asked me out again, I would have gone, I felt good with him.

Lolita,

He was sure not to pursue lol and he does not have access to discounted tickets, I do.

I have a feeling that his decision is based on the fact that after he called me last week and I was busy to talk to him, I txted him smth irrelevant a day later (despite the advice I got here!) I may be very wrong though. It’s not like he was crazy after me prior to that.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 7:29am
489: Senior Lady Vibe says:

@486: LILI 41 says:
“…That letter writing exercise is exactly what I need to do today….”

Yay! A gift from Rori. Inspiring post for the new year, isn’t it?

On Monday I’m also starting the Dr. Oz 28-day “Fresh Start.” That guide is in Oprah’s January magazine; there’s a little something to do each day.

~

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 7:42am
490: memulo says:

I sensed that he thought I’d be upset or try to convince him to change his mind. I wasn’t upset and and accepted his decision right away. Didn’t ask why or what’s wrong lol. He offered an explanation: said he has a gut feeling that we won’t marry and this is the main criterion for him. Interesting, isn’t it?

Maybe I should write him an email stating that I am not sad or upset, the door is closed (I won’t allow him change his mind after this) and I hope we can enjoy friendship. And invite for an opera?

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 7:43am
491: Femininewoman says:

Memulo you went straight into masculine energy planning and friendship. I wouldn’t choose to do that.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 7:49am
492: Senior Lady Vibe says:

The Who — “Won’t Get Fooled Again” 8:34
(CSI:Miami, theme song – clips)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ja0_m-4NAec

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 7:52am
493: Femininewoman says:

Memulo I would encourage you to think about what you are saying about yourself. He doesn’t think you are worthy enough for him to put his energy into pursuing, planning dates and spending money on you. You on the other hand plans for him, invite him to the opera and find discounted tickets so that he can save money. He might even expect you to pick him up and treat him to something to eat that night.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 7:53am
494: memulo says:

FW he asked to see an opera together and I can get discounted tickets… I’d feel silly not to offer.

Friendship – yes, but I was the one rejected on the other hand? He was actually surprised I’d be open to that. Anyway, it’s done. What’s the best approach now?

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 7:54am
495: memulo says:

Hmm

‘He doesn’t think you are worthy enough for him to put his energy into pursuing, planning dates and spending money on you.’

I don’t feel this stongly about it. I don’t know his reasons not to pursue but he is entitled to this decision. I don’t feel offended really. I did not feel that he was lazy to plan dates or tried to save money. Btw if we go to an opera, I am paying for myself.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 8:00am
496: Femininewoman says:

I wouldn’t write him. I guess I would leave it alone and go enjoy the opera and be very attentive to myself to make sure I am not looking for any particular outcome that this could lead to romance. If he tried to come on to me or make out with me I would be sure to tell him to because I don’t “kiss” friends unless it is a peck on the cheek.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 8:02am
497: mali says:

Memulo, To me it’s all about how I feel about the friendship… If I’m happy to be friends, then he’s simply a friend and all of the CD-ing rules go out of the window.

However, if you’d like to still be practising with him as a CD, then I wouldn’t advise friends… it’s all about your perspective

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 8:02am
498: Femininewoman says:

Understood Memulo. Just that it is important to pay attention to what is unsaid. BTW I think he was honorable in indicating to you that he doesn’t feel he will marry you from so early on and yes he is entitled. It is just that in such circumstances we end up eroding our own self esteem, especially they get a girlfriend and end up introducing us.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 8:05am
499: Femininewoman says:

Mali many times we say we are happy with friendship but when we really check in with ourselves we realize there is some jealousy. Remember we are girls.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 8:07am
500: mali says:

FW, I completely agree… it’s why I don’t have any male friends!

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 8:09am
501: Femininewoman says:

Memulo now that I reread your question I realized it seems you have the option to wait. I would do that. Let him get back to you when he is ready to go to the opera rather than you following up to inform him of the price of the discounted tickets. Just in the unlikely event he thinks you will be paying for his tickets too.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 8:13am
502: memulo says:

FW yes I appreciated that he called me to say he is out. I told him that. I am not really invested, it’s only been 2 dates lol.

He told me once that he rarely goes on 2nd date and almost never on 3rd. So he has his style-) I don’t know about jealousy.. who knows when he will really get a gfriend, when I will see him and what happens in my life by then. I’m CD’ing too-)

Btw it felt strange that he started talking about kisses and seeing an opera right after he broke it.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 8:17am
503: Rose says:

I feel like processing here what I am feeling..nothing to do with relationships..

hmm feeling fearful of offending people here I don’t want to talk about religion, this all about my triggers around this subject..

First day of school for my son starts September..I have been resistant in sending him to the school I went to, but I realize that maybe it is more convenient easier..good school

I feel happy being more open minded about it now as before I said no way in hell lol

Until, I spoke to a religious person about something I have to do with documents before putting him in the school, wow was i triggered…

Feeling resistant and angry, old feelings coming up wow

Feeling tightened muscles, Feel like stomping my feet and crossing my arms, no I don’t want to do it like because it is the “rule” no no no

I don’t want to be told what do..

Thats feels like I can’t breathe

No I don’t want to be married in a certain institution or religion because I must be “acceptable”
Because I never did I do not want to feel less than by a certain religion..

Thank you, oh I am healing this because I notice exactly what is happening..

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 8:23am
504: Rose says:

Ok about marriage, I am open to getting married by any religious institution only if I feel like it and it feels good to me, not because I am conforming into the religion itself!!!

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 8:27am
505: Femininewoman says:

Memulo the fact he says he doesn’t get to 3rd dates is very telling in my humble opinion. Seems like a subliminal message that he is hard to get and that you should chase him. But that is my interpretation. I understand what you are saying but I would let this one go. If he is interested in doing anything with you let him do the work, don’t make it easy for him.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 8:28am
506: Femininewoman says:

That’s the key to a Rosetta Stone, and the key to understanding men in “man language” and being understood by them in “woman language.”

If could translate between the two “languages” of the sexes using a third, universal one they share, we’d have a very powerful tool for making our way in the world successfully among them.

Here it is:

It’s EMOTION.

Whoa. What do I mean by such a vague word?

Emotions are positive or negative energy that BOTH men and women have in common, and as a result, they are literally the “Rosetta Stone” for translating between the two sexes.

We are different in the “Reptilian Brain,” that animal brain centered on instincts, the unconscious, and the body-based nonverbal behavior unique to our sex.

But both of us – men and women – are capable of joy, sadness, anger, grief, curiosity, celebration, or any of a host of emotional states.

The key to language is in what the emotions mean, and in what they happen in association with.

http://www.womenshappiness.com/articles/completely-understand-mans-intentions?utm_source=getresponse&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=womenshappiness&utm_content=The+One+Perfect+Tool+for+Communicating+to+Men

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 8:29am
507: Camille says:

Memulo,
I feel compelled to tell you this……..Maya Angelou always says to listen to people they will tell you who they are! I have had so many men tell me who they are in my past and I chose not to listen, or to help them get past something negative.

He said I am a man who never gets to a third date….hes telling you something about himself………listen….

I agree with FW let this one go!

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 8:39am
508: memulo says:

FW,

Thank you. The thing is in my situation I can only get a discount for selected shows plus my work schedule matters too, so it should really be me picking the dates and telling him. I don’t think he expects me to pay for him at all.. but I will pay for myself, I won’t take it from him.

He told me that women are after him because he is stable, employed and not afraid of commitment. I laughed when I heard it and said: neither of these qualities build you a relationship. So to me it’s not a reason to chase him.

I’d love to see an opera this weekend, just afraid maybe it’s too soon to offer it??

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 8:42am
509: Camille says:

Memulo,
Is he the only person you could invite to the opera?

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 8:51am
510: Brenda says:

Silver Moonbeam,

RE: #441 – Good memory! No, I wish! CO is a man I met online recently, about a month ago. We emailed and emailed, and I kept giving him feeling messages about wanting to date.

He finally set a date, then went back to emailing in between. He asked me if I would blush when he kisses me, and everything fell apart.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 8:54am
511: Femininewoman says:

Dr. Paul Dobransky is something else

“The EMOTIONS of what the actual, visual experience of the sex act means to a man are equal to what the sensory experience of kissing and making out mean to a woman.

In other words, the emotions you feel about foreplay and kissing, before sex itself – that fantasy, the eventual reality, and the emotional release – are exactly what men on average feel about the VISUAL nature of sex and “positions” and “sex-talk” in frank, visual language.

Think about it. It’s just a translation.

In other words, what makes having sex “perfect” to you as for example, the end of an incredible date, are exactly what make the visual fantasy and visual language about sex for men to be the perfect topic during a date, even if it doesn’t actually HAPPEN anytime soon.

THAT’S flirting in “man language!”

When’s the last time you thought about or practiced VISUAL language when discussing sex? Frank talk if not innuendo?

Probably a long, long time ago. Maybe even adolescence.

It will pay off bigtime in your relations with men to think of, obsess about, and become a Master Visual Sexual Communicator.”

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 8:55am
512: Lolita says:

I am sitting at my desk in tears now… not sure if I can continue this after almost 1 year…

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 8:55am
513: Femininewoman says:

RE 507 Haha Memulo

“He told me that women are after him because he is stable,”.

Sounds to me like a man who knows what he is doing and how women behave. This is not someone you should be inviting to or offering anything. He can afford the full price tickets.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 8:58am
514: memulo says:

Camille, FW,

But we are not dating anymore, remember:) We are friends! Why would I not accept him as a friend, he’s done nothing wrong.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 8:59am
515: Femininewoman says:

Memulo “me picking the dates”

You see you are already unconsciously thinking of it as a date though you are suggesting that it is not dating. I believe you are setting yourself up for dissapointment.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 9:01am
516: lk says:

@Memulo

if you want to go to the opera, why not go alone ?

then next time you talk to him, you can tell him how it felt to go alone & that it felt easy to get discounted tickets & you can also CD while you’re out looking pretty & mysterious on your own ! yayyyy : )

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 9:02am
517: Femininewoman says:

Him talking about kissing Memulo was him flirting with you.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 9:04am
518: memulo says:

Oh FW I meant the dates they have a show-)

Camille,

What’s wrong?

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 9:04am
519: Femininewoman says:

RE 515 Yep.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 9:04am
520: lk says:

@Memulo

i like having male friends, but i don’t want to do things that feel LIKE dates with male friends.

it can be confusing for both people i think… especially if you started out “dating”…

& also i feel “unavailable” out with a male friend when the activity feels like a date… like i have “loyalty” to my faux-date

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 9:05am
521: Femininewoman says:

Lolita allow yourself to cry and ask yourself the tough questions like “why am I here”?

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 9:06am
522: Femininewoman says:

lk that is so clear. You want to give off an “available” vibe just in case there is a cute guy at the opera who is single and paying attention.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 9:07am
523: memulo says:

Sorry I meant to ask Lolita what’s wrong.

I feel that everyone is so upset for me, even advising me not to keep my word and not to invite him to an opera.. thank you.. Wondering why I don’t feel upset for some reason.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 9:08am
524: Starla says:

hugs lolita. go take a nice walk or some deep breaths in the bathroom if you can. sometimes i just focus on drinking a glass of water at my desk when i can’t calm the eff down at work, lol

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 9:11am
525: Femininewoman says:

I am not upset memulo. It is mostly easier to see things for what they are when you are not invested. You don’t have to keep your word but if that is what you want then go ahead. Just pay attention to how you feel about yourself while on the date. Also pay attention to people around you to see if there are any guys there who pay attention to you.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 9:13am
526: Femininewoman says:

Also pay attention to his body language when you ask for the money to pay for the tickets. See if he gets flustered in any way or stutters. Watch him to see if he leans in towards you while you stand on line or are sitting together. See if you can sense any pulling back in his energy when you are out in public. Also pay attention to the contrary to see if he treats you in any way like you are his girlfriend. Most importantly see how you body reacts to him especially when he talks.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 9:17am
527: Starla says:

so i did ask CF for a ride home. i was walking to the station today and felt miserable in this weather. and i thought “i’ll just ask and see what happens and how i feel.”
so i texted him “can you give me a ride home tonight from work?”

no answer. i started to feel awful for having asked. this is a repeat trigger for me. of course, he is a teacher so he’s teaching class, can’t respond right away. but i still felt bad.

so i texted him again “PS pretty please.” and some BS about being too cold to text with manners earlier.

I was scared to say please originally because it made me feel powerless, attached to the outcome, and weird.

just weird.

this is such a trigger for me.

he is coming to get my tonight but kinda made a big show of it, like “hopefully the traffic, weather, and my car will all cooperate and i’ll be on time”.

Yes, my wonderful man, you can make a big show of it, you are going out of your way for your lady, and that deserves some credit

So I responded with “thank you my wonderful man”

and theni realized “omg i just called him MINE when he’s not.”

so i text again “err that came out weird, but you know what i mean, i’m going to stop talking now lol, see you tonight.”

he texted back “i gotcha, see you tonight gorgeous”

lol i had to JUST STOP.

i really struggled with that conversation, no? but here i am, still loving myself, and not texting him frantically trying to make my anxiety better through him.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 9:17am
528: Starla says:

memulo
i have a solution for you:
take ME to the opera
heheh i adore the opera. i saw la boheme last year and cosi fan tutti the year before, and can’t wait to go back.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 9:19am
529: lk says:

@Memulo

“advising me not to keep my word and not to invite him to an opera”

hmm

“I said that I can get discounted tickets, will check the schedule and let him know. Do you think I can plan to see an opera with him right away or need to wait?”

hm hm hm

i don’t know what else you’ve said to him….

i feel awful breaking “my word” but it doesn’t sound like that’s happening.

also, if you are providing him the opportunity for discounted tickets & company at an opera, i would expect him to pay for me.

i’d go to the opera alone this week & send him an email with a link to the schedule & info about the amount & availability of your discount

then, i’d never contact him again.

if he really doesn’t have Serious Marriage Interest in you, but DID want to kiss you, i wouldn’t want to hang out with him. i don’t want to be around men who are tempted by me, but who don’t see a future with me, particularly if I might in some circumstance (romantic dancing & wine… opera & shooting star gazing….) find them tempting myself.

i don’t want to get into an Energy Suck situation where i’m wondering about a man who I *know* – who has told me – that he isn’t right for me.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 9:25am
530: Femininewoman says:

My lastest cd is one who constantly says call me. He texts all the time and says call me though I have indicated that midday is good to talk. So last night we were talking and I told him I was going out shopping he said call me when you finish.

This morning first thing I got this “GM you told me you would call me whenever you get home but you didn’t. Please let me know if you are serious about talking to me thank you. God Bless”

I responded “I felt tired. I got home about 10 p.m. and by the time I unpacked and took a shower it was 11:30 p.m. Now I feel all explainey driving and texting. It feels like a big turn off”.

During our conversation last night he said “do you want to be my mother” to which I immediately and emphatically said “no”. He thought my response was too strong so I told him it felt icky to even think about it.

His response to my text was “ok” then he immediately called. I did not pick up because I just said I was driving. The next text I got was “sorry to make you feel turned off. I wish you good luck in your searching. I notice every little thing got you emotional so I hope you can find someone who is very perfect who will not get you in that state.”

This tells me this is a man who cannot deal with my feelings. Just yesterday he was all suckered into the feeling messages that I have been practicing with him call me honey, baby, sweetheart, my sweet darling, the whole 9 yards. Telling me he hopes I am thinking of him as much as he is thinking of me. I mostly did not respond because he was blowing up my phone with texts. It seemed first thing in the morning he wanted to hear my voice, all through the day and night and wanting me to call him. It just was not happening and I told him I felt like a “talking pole” because he just talking and talking and talking. At times making me feel wrong for speaking about my feelings.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 9:29am
531: Lolita says:

Hi Starla, (great name too )

Nice to meet you all too…

Thank you, hugs

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 9:34am
532: Starla says:

aww, hugs FW, that feels tiring just reading it, lol. sorry that this man tried to drain you.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 9:34am
533: lk says:

I responded “I felt tired. I got home about 10 p.m. and by the time I unpacked and took a shower it was 11:30 p.m. Now I feel all explainey driving and texting. It feels like a big turn off”.

AWESOME thanks for sharing, FW

His response to my text was “ok” then he immediately called. I did not pick up because I just said I was driving. The next text I got was “sorry to make you feel turned off. I wish you good luck in your searching. I notice every little thing got you emotional so I hope you can find someone who is very perfect who will not get you in that state.”

LOL at his fear of an emotional woman. it sounds like his TALKTALKTALK is coverup for not wanting to listen to his feelings : )

hmmm i have known men like that & i don’t want to date them ! : )

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 9:38am
534: Femininewoman says:

I was tempted to write “this feels draining” this morning but just decided to write “it feels like a big turn off” to do an all encompassing description of the whole vibe I felt when we were together. I kept feeling like rolling my eyes and had to catch myself. We also keep going into a circular argument about how we meet, him wanting me to drive and meet him halfway.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 9:41am
535: Lolita says:

We’ve been together for almost 1 year and had 2 huge blow-ups, one recently during the holidays. We both have kids, so there’s lots involved. After the latest blow-up (which was really stupid on my part, but made me very insecure because he said he doesn’t know if he can take me all the way to marriage and living together after this), we got closer again for a few days. Then one night last week he wanted to go out because I said I wanted to relax at home alone during our vacation (but we had no real plans to spend it all together anyway). HE invited a friend, who was flirting with him last summer during our 1st blow-up, and since I was allready insecure it made me even more insecure and I flipped that he didnt ask me instead… he got upset and said maybe we need a break. We decided to calm down and the next day we had an ok day but didn’t see each other during the weekend, with plans for Monday. Monday was fantastic. However, he is clearly pulling away… I feel so confused.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 9:43am
536: Femininewoman says:

Thanks Starla and lk. He was awesome practice at getting in touch with my body and being clear on how I feel, then being brave in sharing that. I got a lot of practice sometimes even having to apologize because I had to interrupt him to express. For me it is awesome when I can remain calm and just express in these moments. Even when I said no yesterday about the mother thing I know there was a lot of energy behind the no but I felt it was worth it. Can you imagine the thought of being his mother. And this after he asked me if I could give him a job working on my home – I assume he would have demanded payment.

It was awesome practice standing up for myself.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 9:46am
537: Femininewoman says:

Lolita his pulling away is just him telling you that the emotions going on the inside of you is too much for him to handle right now. You just have to find a way to get back to taking care of you and lifting your vibe. He is feeling all the icky emotions and worry you have going on inside you that you are not talking about.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 9:48am
538: blue rose says:

529: Femininewoman

that felt awful reading. sorry you had to experience that. reminds me of a guy who kept wanting me to meet him half way. that’s just not going to work at the beginning of a relationship when i need a guy to woo me.

he claims he wanted me to call first, and ask him out on dates. what a nightmare. he was angry when i ended it but i’m glad it wasn’t dragged out any longer.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 10:07am
539: lilybelly says:

529:

Nicely done, FW. It felt icky to read and he felt controlling to me.

Way to be so in tune with how you are feeling.

Impressive.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 10:07am
540: blue rose says:

i realized today that i don’t feel i’m worthy of the guy i’m crazy about. I start thinking about the future, and i worry i am too old for him (i’m 4 years older) and that he deserves someone younger.

i wish i valued myself more. i know that if i have that “i’m not worthy” vibe, that he’ll feel it, he’ll believe it, and he’ll either treat me like crap or he’ll run away.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 10:10am
541: Lolita says:

Femininewoman (to answer your question), Starla, Lizka, Rori, and the entire Siren Island population,

I am here to get support from and give support to my fellow sisters on Siren Island… I find however that today the sky is very gray, waves are hitting the rocks violently, and my wings want to stay closed because of the bad weather. I’m hoping it clears up soon with a beautiful rainbow and shining sun which will make us all shimmer. Lots of love, xx

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 10:13am
542: Starla says:

Lolita,
it’s one of those days for you, i guess. though, the beautiful way you describe it makes it sound almost juicy and romantic, hehe.

just keep letting it out here…and we have all sorts of ideas for tools and things you can do to take care of yourself.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 10:15am
543: Femininewoman says:

RE 539 that can be changed with Rori’s All That Tool. Keep telling yourself I am all that, go in front of the mirror and practice doing it blue rose.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 10:17am
544: lilybelly says:

Lolita~ It’s okay…I had one of those days yesterday.
I should have let more of it out here yesterday but a lovely Siren came and found me on FB and supported me there.

Hugs for you and wishing rainbows too!

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 10:18am
545: Lolita says:

Bluerose, I know exactly how you feel, I once dated a guy 3 years younger and felt that way… it did not turn out well. However, I know lots of wonderful couples where the woman is older.

Lilybelly, thank you

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 10:21am
546: Lolita says:

Thank you Starla

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 10:22am
547: Femininewoman says:

Thanks ladies but I do not feel regretful. Blue Rose I had no investment in it whatsoever and I would not end it, at least not anymore. Lilybelly I can’t even say I am in tune with my feelings I try to focus on being aware of my body and finding words to express what I am feeling. He is just one of several and I keep getting opportunities to express in feeling messages. It really boosts my self esteem to be able to say no and I feel the freed up energy when I speak up about my feelings. I assume that I am feeling something in every moment and that I can learn something about myself so I am kind of hesitant to say I am in tune with my feelings. I prefer to think of myself as a baby looking around on the inside of me for the little catches in my heart and the little spasms of my body and experimenting with words to vocalize experiences. I am learning.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 10:25am
548: Femininewoman says:

RE 540 When I said ask yourself “why am I here/there”, I meant for you to ask yourself about the relationship you are in. Why are you in the relationship and what is in it for you taking into consideration all that is happening and how you are feeling.

Hope that makes sense.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 10:27am
549: blue rose says:

542: Femininewoman

thanks for the advice.

Lolita, thanks for the empathy.

FW i’m glad you were not invested in that guy, and that you are able to see him as practice (that’s what I’m hearing). I could stand to do that more instead of kicking them to the curb .

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 10:36am
550: Senior Lady Vibe says:

@539: blue rose says:
“…i realized today that i don’t feel i’m worthy of the guy i’m crazy about. I start thinking about the future, and i worry i am too old for him (i’m 4 years older)…”

IMHO, 4 years older is the same age group. I don’t see an issue unless it’s fertility, say if you are 44 and he’s 40 and wants children (even then that could be managed) So no real issue unless… he’s still in high school.

.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 10:37am
551: memulo says:

FW,

Wanted to ask you something.. ‘a big turn off’ – were you annoyed with something else when you were saying that? To me a big turn off is when someone does almost an unforgivable thing. I would only use these words in very rear situations. If a guy got emotional about you not calling him when you said you would – well, it’s not pleasant but not terrible? He was still polite when he expressed his disappointment? I understand if you just felt tired of talking to him and not interested – but then it’s possible perhaps to say just that? i.e. softer of course-) Forgive me for saying it, I don’t know all the details obviously.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 10:38am
552: lk says:

GAH i feel weird.

just called CDcd to ask him about brunch on sunday with my parents & about biking afterwards with my coworkers.

he said yes to both, confirmed plans for Friday & asked if i’d come over sunday after all the activities & monday too…

then he told me good news about his work, looking for a new house, & about his dad getting off dialysis & getting a new kidney

a million pieces of wonderful news !!

but lk feels grumpy & insecure & disconnected. why ?

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 10:39am
553: lk says:

@April Rose

“I’m finding that to ease the terror of losing control (which is what makes me hang onto my masculine behaviour?) I can choose to give it over to the man. Scary but thrilling.
Switching into my feminine energy, I give him the reins and I lean back and feel, and then I’m not grasping for control at all.”\

i feel embarrassed being Masculine in front of a Man…. like, they will laugh at how i’m not as good at it as they are

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 10:42am
554: blue rose says:

549: Senior Lady Vibe

Hi SLV

Not in HS and not quite 40. I’m 36 and he’s 32. thanks for putting it in persepctive.

My self esteem is taking a hit today. And I’m just scared I’m going to spiral downward.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 10:44am
555: blue rose says:

a friend of mine made a comment the other day about loving women of a certain ethnicity. i asked why, as i’d heard another guy say he prefered that ethnicity as well. and he replied, “because they know how to be a woman.” and he said that at work, some women can become so masculine that after a while they even start to look like men (!). i found that alarming as i can be masculine/take charge at times too.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 10:48am
556: Starla says:

blue rose, was he talking about asian women?

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 11:02am
557: blue rose says:

555: Starla

no, eastern european!! and he’s the second guy to say that to me (I’m not eastern european btw

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 11:04am
558: Femininewoman says:

My experience with Eastern European women is that they are unusually open and warm. I watch my neighbor at work all the time allow men of all levels come right up to her and kiss her even on the lips. She will stop anything she is doing and be totally present with anyone who wants to talk with her. I have watched her with my own daughter. She does not discriminate the men that come her desk are from different ethnicities. The kicker is that there are at least 4 that I have to interact with daily and they and the men tend to be like that. Just yesterday I was looking at the newest one who recently joined how happy and peaceful she looks walking into the office with a smile on her face. I thought to myself that she must be happily married and was tempted to tell her that when I get married I want to have a relationship like hers (though I know nothing about it). It is a pleasure to watch them though because they really know how to be present.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 11:20am
559: Brenda says:

SLV,

RE: #359 – You said, “The power of the magic is to grasp it, take it into the real world [see 3:50 -4:26 of video] and to create the kind of relationship I want. ”

It just clicked! You helped me understand why the video ends with her on a common city street! Yes, that makes total sense!! I love it!

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 11:21am
560: Femininewoman says:

What I have heard guys say about asian women is that they are very submissive. They know how to have men eating out of their hands. They also seem to have a reputation for getting the man to support them and their extended families.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 11:22am
561: Starla says:

that’s funny, i always thought of eastern european women as dramatic and high maintenance

buuuuut i guess there’s some allure in that

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 11:23am
562: Brenda says:

Emerson,

RE: #268 – I feel sad when I hear of someone who believes God who is abusive to other people, and it grieves my spirit. I have been hurt by people in the church, too.

I have realized that people aren’t perfect, and only God is. So I take the meat and leave the bones. I can’t change other Christians, but I can change myself. I am not perfect either, but I strive to be my best self, by God’s power living in me.

Just because one spiritual person fails, doesn’t mean God fails. And BTW, I am not religious. To me, religion is basically a list of do’s and don’t's. I am in love with Jesu(s. So to me it’s about a relationship.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 11:26am
563: mali says:

@559: SLV

WOW. Feeling so TRIGGERED by that!!

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 11:31am
564: Femininewoman says:

Memulo you are right. It was the straw that broke the camels back. I said I felt invisible. I said I don’t call men. He kept on telling me come you don’t have to do this and you don’t have to do that. You don’t have to feel that way. He kept on telling me to call him everyday. Then he asked me if he could work for me. The kicker was asking me if I wanted to be his mother. That for me was the biggest red flag and tipped the scales so hard that it tumbled over. Our style of conversation told me that in the future we would go round and round in arguments about the same topic because I was wrong to keep talking about my feelings.

He also very early on mentioned that women were kind of put off by his height 5’3″. He mentioned that because of his job he has a lot of people’s numbers and women tend to watch his phone and complain about the number of his friends. He also said he viewed the online dating site as a social environment to meet people so he was comfortable with me not taking down my profile. He brought up taking down my profile before we even met. I was to take the route convenient for him not the route convenient for me when I was meet him halfway.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 11:32am
565: Femininewoman says:

Mali I wrote 559. Believe it or not submissive is good. Find the right man to be submissive to and he will give you the world and the heavens.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 11:35am
566: mali says:

Ah… I meant FW!

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 11:35am
567: Femininewoman says:

The other thing that I noticed with my eastern european neighbor is that she knows how to show her sadness on her face and in her body. When she offended by me she spoke about it in a really soft way then tried to reconnect. My impression was that she does not build walls. The negative that I felt around her was that she gives to get control.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 11:39am
568: Brenda says:

Kayla,

I’ve been thinking of you and praying for you. How are you doing? Have you made any decisions? Any news?

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 11:40am
569: Starla says:

omg leaning back feels hard but i’m doin it

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 11:43am
570: Femininewoman says:

Sorry to trigger you Mali just bear in mind that people make generalizatons that are not necessarily true. Plus Asian is a very big place. But think about it for a minute in relation to the legend of the sirens. They had men putting their lives in danger and casting themselves against the rocks right? A true siren, whoever she is being gets the man to melt and surrender to her lure.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 11:45am
571: blue rose says:

566: Femininewoman

that has been so enlightening. thanks for sharing your experiences with eastern european women!

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 11:45am
572: Rose says:

Thank you Rose for the nice lunch and standing by my feelings and getting me that potato leek soup I was craving..

Thank you for buying me that piece of good French chocolate

Thank you for the cute top on sale

Thank you for checking my feelings and expressing them..I feel so much better

Thank you for encouraging me to still go to zumba tonight even if I’m feeling sluggish and low energy pmsing today

Thank you for signing up for the fun activity class for me and my son this weekend even if I felt like it was pricey..

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 11:49am
573: Rose says:

#447 SLV thank you for sharing this New years post, I am going to do it!

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 11:51am
574: mali says:

Oh, FW, you don’t need to apologise… I’m trying to sense the triggers, and experience them

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 11:52am
575: Femininewoman says:

I wonder what Daria would say about my experience with eastern europeans seeing she was in Romania recently.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 11:53am
576: mali says:

Okay, I need to riff…

I want the rugged, cool, confident, popular guy. The alpha male.

Why is it that I see men who are my age, and who are dreamers, less sensitive as generally less cool?! Why do I feel turned off? And why do I feel so affected by their sharing of emotions, and feel repulsed, or feel the need to mother them?

I don’t want to fix you!! Look after me! I wanna be looked after! UGH!

I want strength, I want someone who is brave and MASCULINE… Step the HELL up. Don’t look at me for reassurance and expect me to make decisions. I’m not gonna treat you like a little boy. Because you. are. NOT.

I am worth FIGHTING for. So start fighting.

And to the Alpha men: Fight for me.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 11:59am
577: mali says:

FIGHT FOR ME.

Because I am a Siren.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 12:01pm
578: Daria says:

Err umm I don’t know what to say. I know that indeed a certain femininity is usual in manners dress etc. and men on the street catcall and compliment so there’s always plenty of attention.

Also in a way it’s more equal at work

Mmmm
Also men Want to marry and be a family .

And people are married later now.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 12:03pm
579: Daria says:

Also it might be diff for diff ethnicities. Eastern Europe has varied ones from diff backgrounds, tho thremay be a common thread as far as women. In general women dress up a lil more feminine and are careful about their appearance.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 12:07pm
580: Starla says:

fw, re: the short guy…
it feels bad to stereotype but short guys tend to be control freaks.

sometimes.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 12:08pm
581: mali says:

Okay, feeling more sad now… the anger’s ebbing away…

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 12:10pm
582: Brenda says:

Mali,

RE: #559 by SLV – I am not clear by which post you are triggered.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 12:10pm
583: Femininewoman says:

That has been my experience Starla. I have dated a couple but there are those that don’t fit the mold also.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 12:11pm
584: Femininewoman says:

Careful about their appearance is one that I definitely forgot. And yes I had met the odd one that seemed to be different from the others. She tended to be very defensive and blaming. She did not last with us for more than 2 years.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 12:13pm
585: Silver Moonbeam says:

You just gotta laugh (or you’d cry LOL!!)

How are you?
I am sanj near heathrow.
So what can I call you?
I love to be friends meet you for and see if we got that spark.
Darling I am not bad looking.
I am 6 ft 1 tall suit and tie person.
I am very clean smell good; I AM VERY EASY TO GET ON WITH. YOU WILL FEEL RELAX AND CLOSER.
like holding hands and love kissing. i have been told i am very loving guy and very good .
Sweet heart i do work long hours and hope you understand.
Like pubs restaurants but not into clubs.
Looking for friendship romance with both our freedom.
No pressure relationship to start, we meet when we both can. REST TIME WILL TELL.
NOT INTO ONE NIGHT STANDS BUT DONT WANT TO RUSH INTO FULL ON RELATIONSHIP.
IF STILL INTRESTED WE CAN SWAP NUMBERS TEXT CHAT AND TRY MEETING.
I WILL SHUT UP NOW. YOU HAVE GOOD DAY. YOU ARE VERY BEAUTIFUL, YOU GOT VERY PRETTY FACE, VERY SEXY SMILE AND THOSE COME TO BED EYES .
SPEAK SOON
LOVE SANJ

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 12:17pm
586: Brenda says:

I am having a hard time prioritizing today. I need to do about 5 high priority things all at once. I don’t feel like being unproductive, but I am stopping on here to relax and regroup a little.

I texted Ryan last night at 2 am, with him initiating, and it felt really good! He arranged to see me at the prayer meeting tonight, and that feels good, too, because it’s rare! In 2009, I never set a boundary for him to plan ahead, because the pattern was established before I found Rori and the blog.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 12:18pm
587: mali says:

@ 581: I meant FW!

@584: LOL!! Crying with laughter here (both ) I’ve received one or two of those…. hilarious!!

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 12:20pm
588: Femininewoman says:

Silver Moonbeam that is priceless. Poor chap.

Just another reason why I believe it is good being on those dating sites. It shows areas that guys could possibly be insecure in and helps boost my own self esteem thinking about my strengths and what I value in myself.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 12:26pm
589: Daria says:

Starla – I am practicing AFIIFM

It feel awakward formulating until its actually sent out…

Not sure if it’s quite the right procedure -thinking now – as I’m still contacting him to ask

It would look like..

It feels so cold… I don’t want to walk home tonite… It would feel so good to have a ride… Wat do u think?

It helps me feel strong that I’m saying what I want in a general way, not like it has to come from him…

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 12:27pm
590: Daria says:

Hmm I would go out w sanj near heathrow. He sounds like he can be a step up man.

I don’t like to exclude men due to me thinking they’re insecure…

Only for actual bad behavior

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 12:31pm
591: Daria says:

I date short guys that are not control freaks.

The only one I can think of who is is my bro and we call him having ‘the miniman complex’

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 12:32pm
592: LILI 41 says:

@340 Lamabutterfly:

- It was always like a game to me. It would feel so good if I could take their attention away from someone they were already committed to, because if I could do that, I must really BE something! I wanted to feel like the most coveted woman, but deep down, I know it was because I felt worthless.-

Lamabutterfly,
I appreciate very much you sharing this in such an honest way.
I am struggling w being at the other end of that.

My man’s lady neighbourfriend has been going out of her way to do everything to be the center of D’s attention.
She will want to do neerly everything I do w him, litterally like being in my shoes.
She saw me at a dance once, “d*rty dancing” w D.
When I invited her and her husband to D’s bday party, she came between D and me on the dance floor, pushed him away from me and imitated my every “d*rty dancing” moves.
She saw us pulling out of his driveway on his motorcycle, she then asked him to take her on a ride.
I posted pix on FB of me and him on vacation w his friends and tagged him; she then arranged to tag along on his vacation w his friends and posted pix of him w her and tagged him to push mine over.

She has a husband who she claims is her best friend for life and would never ever cheat on him and will be with him for life.
I didn’t understand, then why was she acting the way she was?
When I talked to D about it, he said that she was envious of me bc I get all the men’s heads turning and their attention without even trying.

Your sharing Lamabutterfly really helps me understand why she’s doing what she does.

My real issue is that D has even encouraged her behaviour in the past and gave her everything she wanted.

He did that bc I was cold and closed off from fear.
If I would have been warm, inviting and open to receiving his love, she would have never felt like a threat to me.
She was warm, inviting and open and it made him feel good, so he enjoyed the attention and encouraged it.

I blew up in anger at him.
I’ve been here on the blog to work on healing this.
I’ve shared my healing process with him.
He has been stepping up big for over a month now.
He’s really there involving me in his life.

However, I’ve been stuck in my healing process at the step of forgiveness.
I haven’t been able to forgive them for their behaviour, and I haven’t been able to forgive myself for not being perfect, open, warm and inviting at the start of our relationship.

I purposely triggered myself last night by viewing the pix of them on vacation on his FB page.
It triggered painful feelings: jealousy, like a loser, unworthy, 2nd rate.
It was painful, but all painful triggers have tought me so much about myself so far and have gotten me unstuck to get 1 step further in my healing process.

I will do what it takes to heal this bc this same situation keeps coming up since I was a child. If I don’t heal it, it will keep coming up.

Without realizing it, following Rori’s guidance has provoked the situations I needed to start this healing process and to keep it moving along.

I felt stuck over the holidays, and I just did was Rori says to do “follow your feelings and do what makes me feel good”. That brought me to a wonderful experience w my aunts, which uncovered the love and compassion in me. They brought me to feel love and compassion towards my father, which brought me to feel love and compassion towards D for what he is going through.

I CD’d like Rori said to do. That brought me to feel worthy.

I welcomed being triggered as a healing experience. That brought me to face forgiveness and letting go of resentment, letting go of the past…to follow in my next post.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 12:36pm
593: Starla says:

Daria, what does AFIIFM stand for?

i didn’t want to use fm’s because i felt so attached to the outcome, like i was manipulating him, so i decided to experiment with just straight up asking.

i’ll be sure to use FMs when i’m “thanking” him

oooh it feels so good to be in this car watching the snowflakes fall around us. i feel so good and relaxed and warm, thank you…

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 12:36pm
594: April Rose says:

I feel bored.

Anyone wanna fight?

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 12:39pm
595: Starla says:

lol april rose there u go again hahahaha

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 12:42pm
596: lk says:

I have a “short” man & he’s wonderful : ))))))

i felt bad on the phone for a few reasons.

i said yes i’m on “lunch break” & then i really wasn’t so i couldn’t answer his questions about food LOL… so cut off his attempts at conversation. i randomly jumped around trying to explain things & not just seem like i was calling for 1 thing… mentioned yoga… mentioned dinner… random random lk spinning around ! got his AMAZING news : )

ok i feel fine. he caught my rush-y vibe & got off the phone quickly because he knows i’m at work & i always am a little “off-vibe” at work – like not calm, a lot of Man & Girl energy… rarely Womanly, so hard to connect with his Man from that place.

i’d love to hear from him tonight : ) but i’d prefer that he call me… i think. of course, it wouldn’t be horrible to just give him a call right off work & ask how his dad’s recovery is going. that is NOT being leany & needy, that is what i’d do for any friend whose parent just had surprise surgery.

another thing that got me feeling weird… i caught myself almost say, i love you, bye ! when we were getting off the phone. then, when i went back inside… my coworker mentioned, oh it was so nice meeting CDcd last friday ! he seems wonderful ! & i go, he is wonderful, i love him.

EEEK.

what about it, sirens ? what if i accidentally say I Love You to him ????

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 12:47pm
597: lk says:

hmm

i’d probably say then..

oh ! wow ! i feel surprised & embarrassed for saying that out loud… hm i think i want to excuse myself for a minute & then not talk about it : )

then leave the room

what ??? lk, you’re a freak.

what else could i do ?

ummmmmm

i could say… “wow ! i feel surprised that i just said that & a little nervous… i want those words to be special & meaningful when i say them & now i want some space alone”

really ?

hmmm interesting that i want to run. this must be this fear of intimacy… ?

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 12:56pm
598: mali says:

April Rose: ILL FIGHT WITH YOU!!

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 12:57pm
599: Daria says:

Mochaberry – I wonder why my comments were not received . It feels sad and I feel a bit angry.

None of this is your fault.

However my comments as far as you being in masculine energy and inauthentic in that convo still stand.

It feels unsafe to be complimented yet unheard, I feel like I’m being appeased to shut up.

Like patted on the head there there Daria. We know you don’t know what you’re talking about.

I know you felt good after the interaction cuz of no drama but that was due to his graciousness in responding . You were in masculine energy and beating around the bush and it could easily have Been drama if he took your bait.

You seem unconscious of it and sorry if this sounds bad but I’m sure after some more suffering and hitting your head on the wall you will be ready to start changing your language patterns.

I think the sweet Daria thing well it seemed condescending to me. It fels good to think that I actually come off sweet but – that might be my thing – I feel mistrustful.

I think it’s really that I’m being looked down on.

Perhaps someone you don’t look down on can share tools w u in a way that can be received.

I am somewhat free writing here. I feel Quite blamy…

Sorry for that and for any triggersz

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 1:02pm
600: April Rose says:

lk,

If the words pop out of your mouth, how about you just stay where you are and look at him & see the effect they have. Let your face show how you feel, as in “oops, did that just come out of ME”?

Stand there and take it and squirm and love it!!

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 1:03pm
601: Daria says:

Starla – AFIIFM

Ask for it in feeling messages.

It helps me feel less attached after and not hate him of he says no.

I also ask for it directly – and I’m glad to be able to do That!

Big lately my practice has been to translate to AFIIFM .

If feels challenging in the moment cuz I feel vulnerable ‘not asking’ for anything but what the man thinks.
It seems to totally not trigger my resistant man tho.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 1:06pm
602: lk says:

what would i tell someone else to do ? your ideas are HORRIBLE lk.

ummmm

i’d say,

oh maybe you could say,

wow, i feel surprised to hear those words come out of my mouth ! hm

& then excuse myself.

why ???? why leave?

to take the pressure off. i don’t want him to have to respond or say anything. then when i came back, i’d probably say something like, oh it felt really nice to wash my hands with that mint soap & the loofah : ) my hands feel super soft now : ))) & it would all just flow on, uninterrupted.

i’m not leaving to run away, i’m leaving so it doesn’t have me “waiting” for any response. i don’t take it back or anything. that would be running away.

& what will you do when he says it to you baby?

hmmmm…. i’ll smile & snuggle & melt : ) mmmmm

& i probably won’t say it back at first. that feels like “trading.” i can say, that feels so wonderful to hear you say that… wow… i feel really safe & close… mmmmmmmm… then quiet closeness

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 1:08pm
603: Daria says:

Sit there and take it feels not good to me as a thought

I get the idea of sinking into feeling feelings tho

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 1:10pm
604: Daria says:

I’m feeling kinda closed off and sad after writing the last two posts.

I feel sad!

I feel unworthy

I feel afraid of getting more negativity back

I’m judging my posts as negativity tho I’ve was actually just my truth.

I don’t Wang to do that.

Also I’d like to be open and use feeling messages More now than I seem to feel safer being more honest.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 1:12pm
605: Brenda says:

I am feeling stretched too thin, and that’s crazy. So I am going to make myself a schedule and budget my time, so I am not spending too much time doing any one thing. I can list my activities, then number them by order of priority. Then spend the most time doing the highest priority things.

I feel good about doing the dishes and cleaning the kitchen earlier, and doing laundry at the same time.

I took down my pretty little Christmas tree, and I feel okay about that. It felt a little sad, but I know I can’t keep it up all year, and I enjoyed it immensely, and Ryan got to see it the one time he came here!

Now I am in the process of moving my bookshelf from one corner of the living room to another, in order to set up my TV on top of it. It is a big job, because I have to find boxes in which to set all the books while I move the bookshelf, then set the books back up. I feel happy and thankful to have a bookshelf, books, and TV!

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 1:12pm
606: Daria says:

Hm I think it’s more about feeling vulnerable and it taking pressure off you. After all worrying about his pressure – he might not even feel pressured – is just an in his business type guess.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 1:14pm
607: Daria says:

I feel all cutoff and cold stone and judgemental

I feel afraid to share about that cuz it doesn’t feel safe I don’t think it’s lovable… All I love my cutoff cold stone judgemental self!

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 1:20pm
608: April Rose says:

My first response to 602 was

Daria, f*uck off.

I’m so tired of criticism and having everything I write picked to bits.

But I know that my own pickiness and criticism is a harmful thing I do to men. How not to?

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 1:20pm
609: lk says:

@Daria, i agree – taking pressure off ME because i don’t want to watch him react to that. i don’t want to expect or want a response & i don’t want him to “say it back” to me – that feels like parroting & that feels like not-authentic, pressured communication.

i wouldn’t feel embarrassed actually or nervous. just surprised i think. & yes, i’d want to excuse myself for a minute to center into myself.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 1:26pm
610: April Rose says:

It was a snowball effect from a feeling frustration towards lk.

I answered your question, but it looks like you didn’t notice.
I wrote to you earlier on this thread too.

Poor April Rose, nobody paying you any attention?

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 1:26pm
611: Daria says:

Who wants you to be their friend if your like, ok reading about your worrying about saying I love you I feel all judgemental, I’ve said I love you to men and I feel fine about it actually all surprised and awed of myself feeling all comfortable and reading of your distress I feel better than and judgemental and like rolling my eyes.

I wonder whatsup w that for me – I’m supposed to be sensitive and understanding so fake it Daria.

Also thinking where do I judge myself I judge myself for worrying about showing a guy I like him or that I feel turned on.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 1:27pm
612: April Rose says:

Obviously I’m far too interested in HIS reaction when it’s supposed to be all about me. me. me.

Very frustrated now. I’m expecting a phone call in five minutes, from EM.

He has me in an imaginary relationship with him.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 1:29pm
613: April Rose says:

How can I maintain the facade?

Up yo now I have been all ‘woman’ wih him.

But at this moment I feel like a bratty little girl.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 1:30pm
614: lk says:

@April Rose

hmmm

do you think you are Projecting the nit-picking critic ?

i think a lot of people ram into other people’s posts on here …. & run through them with a fine-tooth comb to find their own patterns & triggers in the other women.. since it’s so much easier to see what other people are doing than to notice our own “things”

like… my own NVs become white noise sometimes, but i can read them so clearly in other posts… same with my patterns, they feel like “natural progression” or “logic” ….. & same with triggers, like oh that person is just Offensive or Annoying or Immature or Silly or Not Paying Attention or Selfish….

hmm : )

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 1:32pm
615: Daria says:

Well Lk u don’t know if he’d parrot back.

I sometimes tell people I love you right away if I feel love for them. Also I’m feeling love for you.
It feels like a melty feeling in my heart and I feel all beamy w them.

Sorry btw if I triggered u with my judgement.

I feel kinda ashamed of myself for being this way. Now I feel ashamed that this seems attention seeking.

I think I’m on a beat up Daria indirectly hype.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 1:33pm
616: Daria says:

I feel all punishing towards April rose hmm.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 1:33pm
617: Femininewoman says:

April Rose can you identify the role you are playing here “He has me in an imaginary”?

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 1:37pm
618: April Rose says:

I’m in the imaginary relationship too.

It’s all fantasy.

My feminine energy live-in man would be devastated if I went with EM.

Sorry, panicking here.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 1:38pm
619: lk says:

@Daria

“reading about your worrying about saying I love you I feel all judgemental, I’ve said I love you to men and I feel fine about it actually all surprised and awed of myself feeling all comfortable and reading of your distress I feel better than and judgemental and like rolling my eyes.”

wow that feels amazing to read…

that is an option to just say it & not care. what’s the big deal ?

i have read SO many things saying, never say i love you first but that is such a construct i don’t have to do that.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 1:42pm
620: Camille says:

April Rose,
Catch me up…..im confused??? LOL

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 1:42pm
621: Laughing Goddess says:

I’m feeling really down. I’ve been feeling depressed over all this stuff with my mom.

I’ve been trying to numb my depressed feelings by cleaning and watching tv shows online.

I’ve been avoiding conversations, answering emails, not responding to invitations.

I’m seeing this reclusive pattern that I go into when I get depressed.

I feel bad because I think it is very confusing to people around me. I just kind of disappear for a bit.

I feel bad about that. I am judging myself as a crappy friend, sister, aunt.

I feel stuck in this depressed state. These problems I have had with my mom have been going on my whole life. They got better for a bit but seem to have regressed.

Maybe immersing myself in some Abraham or Byron Katie will help.

Like I said, I’ve been watching fluffy tv shows non-stop and that helps for a bit but as soon as I turn them off, my mind starts rehashing the situation with her.

I have a toxic relationship with her.

Maybe, Rori’s toxic men program with help me!

But I don’t even know where it is. blah

I really need to shift into a better state around this because this depressed thing isn’t working.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 1:43pm
622: Daria says:

I’m at home and have not planned for today to go out… I was gona stay at home and do some organizing and laundry…

And some shaving and cutting nails and painting them ..

That feels so overwhelming to think about.

Looking outside the sunny street feels so happy smily fun!

I don’t want to go out yet though, I’d feel rushed.

It’d feel nice to have fun plans for tonight… I didn’t make any tho I said no. Hmm

If I had plans I might feel overwhelmed.

I’m feeling a bit lonely but also glad of the privacy right now.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 1:43pm
623: lk says:

oh if i feel that way, i can say it

OHHH i had the dream though & it said, “it’s totally normal for people to get engaged 2 weeks after saying I Love You” so i feel like being CAREFUL. i’m scared to be engaged !!!! engaged ? feels like, sounds like, ropes being tied around my wrists… oh actually that’s kind of sexy : ) lol

oh well, i want to be easy, no worries free-flow lk

life will carry me & i will stay in Me so i can be powerful : )

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 1:45pm
624: April Rose says:

@lk,

I was saying that in post 599 but it mustn’t have come across.

I just imagined you saying it and not caring too much, but showing a really cute “oops” expression on your face, as if it was a huge deal.

It’s a huge deal. And it isn’t a huge deal. It’s whatever you want it to be.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 1:46pm
625: Femininewoman says:

April Rose we the women create the imaginary relationship. We mostly do that because we assume that we are in a relationship before the man asks for exclusivity and offers us what we want. We create the image in our minds and tend to act from that place. Until he specifically asks and define the relationship we are really alone in an imaginary relationship. When he asks then we get to tell him the terms of the exclusivity, what we want, and what it looks like for us. He might have another idea.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 1:47pm
626: Daria says:

((Lk))

I feel moved. And surprised and curious

You’re really not triggered by my feeling that way? How do you do it?

I think I would feel mad and ‘hurt’ and triggered… Closed off defensive sad to be seen ‘that way’ and looked down upon, etc

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 1:47pm
627: Sweetpea says:

LG,

Have you checked out the 21 Day Consciousness Cleanse on Oprah? You set a Physical Goal and a Feeling Goal to work on. I set my Feeling Goal as coming to peace with what I need to do with people in my life who aren’t showing me unconditional love (i.e. my dad, but I made it full-range, to include anyone who doesn’t – and I’m feeling pretty lucky cuz I see lots of unconditional love from others in my life).

I’m only three days into it and having some real breakthroughs. It’s here if you wanna check it out: http://myown.oprah.com/search/index.html?q=consciousness cleanse program&where=oprah&feed_page=2#feed_top

Sorry you’re feeling so down; I’ve been right there with ya – it feels icky and it sucks. But…it gets better!

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 1:50pm
628: lk says:

@April Rose 612

“How can I maintain the facade?

“Up yo now I have been all ‘woman’ wih him.

“But at this moment I feel like a bratty little girl.”

LOL i imagine you saying to him….

Ah, i feel like such a Bratty Little Girl right now ! I just want to say XXXXXX : ) lol : )

& be soft, open, present : )

everyone has a Boy Girl Man Woman – even your dates : )

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 1:50pm
629: Femininewoman says:

RE 618 lk I believe it depends on the context. I have told guys “I love you too” or as a kind of sarcastic joke depending on what is happeing. If it is a guy you want romance with and maybe dating exclusively, then that is a different ball game.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 1:51pm
630: Daria says:

More disagreeing feeling . Sigh.

I didn’t have an oops expression cuz I didn’t feel oops I felt love.

Sometimes I felt minorly awkward if the guy seemed to think it was a big deal but I felt it and shared it from a sharing place.

It’s also not a big deal to me in a way cux I say it to all my god brothers sister and parents regularly and they say it to me.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 1:51pm
631: Sweetpea says:

lk @ 618,

I applaud you. Very nice!

You go say “I love you.” Even Rori says that it’s perfectly ok to say if you aren’t expecting an outcome…

I feel proud of you! Yay!!!!

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 1:52pm
632: Sweetpea says:

LG (and whomever else),

I notice that the consciousness cleanse link didn’t come across complete. If you copy the whole think (not just the pink) and put it into your browser, it takes you directly to the index page.

You’ll have to scroll down to find Day 1, but it’s as simple as that!

And thanks to whichever Siren initially shared. I feel bad to say, I don’t remember who it was…:s

It’s hosted by Debbie Ford – esteemed sister or Arielle; she’s pretty amazing.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 1:55pm
633: LILI 41 says:

It’s time for me to forgive myself for not being perfect, bc I am worthy of forgiveness just for being me.
That makes me feel love and compassion towards myself.
I want to give myself the best there is for myself.

I’ve been reading this so many times. But I wasn’t “feeling” it for myself.
I came to feel it for myself through a cd’ing experience.

After triggering myself last night, I realized I went through the same situation w a cd as w D, only it had a different result.

I cd’d at work to practice being open, warm and inviting to men.
There is this dominating woman at work that thrives on monopolizing men’s attention by flirting and interrupting me every time I have a man’s attention.

I never said anything about it to her. She admits herself to loving men’s attention.
While we were in a group, she did her usual thing of interrupting me while I am speaking and having everyone’s attention.
I just let her speak and did nothing. 2 of my CDs ignored her and kept their focus on me, so I just kept speaking to them and they listened til I was finished.
At another moment, I shared w my CD how I felt like I was invaded by her, like she was taking over my job (at her bosse’s request).
He went to ask them to leave me my space.

I felt so honoured. Here is a man standing up for me, protecting my space…when D in the same situation, pushed me out of my space and gave it to the other woman.
My work cd showed loyalty towards me.

I created the difference in both situations.
With my cd, I was open, warm and inviting.
I laid back by doing nothing when the other woman was competing to get the attention I was getting.
I trusted him to confide my feelings to him.
He stepped up and showed loyalty towards me by defending my space.
I welcomed and appreciated his help and expressed appreciation.
It made him want to help me more.

With D, I was closed off, cold and distant.
I overfunctioned to compete when the other woman was starting to compete to get the attention I was getting.
I didn’t trust him to confide my feelings to him.
He knew something was wrong, and he saw me confiding in my friend instead of him.
I kept him on the outside…until I exploded in anger.
He showed loyalty towards her instead of me and gave her my space.

So cd’ing showed me that I don’t have to do anything to compete to get attention. I just need to lean back and be me, bc me is worthy.
It also showed me that I can share my feelings openly and honestly to a man, and he will step up…just for being me, bc me is worthy.

Time for me to forgive myself for not having been perfect w D.
Time to give myself what’s good for me.

So was this cd experience bringing me the message about how I need to simply be myself to inspire loyalty? or is it to show me that I can choose a better man for myself?
I think BOTH!

Of course I blew up at D after being triggered last night. I told him how I am having a real hard time digesting, forgiving and letting go of his old behaviour.
Can’t forgive anyone if you can’t forgive yourself 1st.
I have to forgive myself 1st for having been imperfect and “human”.

Even after I blew up at him, he still insisted on picking me up to take me to his son’s game.
He kissed me on the cheek in front of people there.
He called me today before heading off to his game and said he would call me as soon as he got back.

Now that I am able to feel love and compassion towards myself, I can feel it towards him.
That allows me to see that he is working on his own issues…of his fear of being abandoned.
I can see how my old behaviour triggered that fear in him and how “she” soothed that fear with her opposite behaviour.

That doesn’t mean making excuses for him, it doesn’t mean me fixing him…it just means I can feel love and compassion towards myself and him.

No more blaming anyone else including myself. I am rather taking responsibility for myself.

THANK YOU RORI FOR ALL THESE TOOLS !!!

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 1:57pm
634: lk says:

wow, i feel confused like there are a lot of people talking to me : )

but i think it’s just Daria & April Rose… : )

um, hi!

i feel sick about saying anything more about I Love You. I feel sure now if i say it i’ll just say, Oops : ) or just smile & it’s not a big deal & maybe i’ll leave if i feel like it. sometimes i leave conversations when i get overwhelmed or confused or bored.

i feel fear over it, but it’s not Deathly fear, just……… um……………… i’m just not ready to say that. i don’t Really Feel That Way – though i Sometimes Do….. & i want to be authentic : )

oh & neither of you triggered me over it, because i can’t imagine a more triggering topic than Love & expressing it….. so…. yeah. intensity is par for the course lol : )

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 1:59pm
635: Daria says:

I feel pist that nobody donated so I don’t have the funds in PayPal that is asked for to be in that cleanse.

I feel really pist at the world and people for buying into scarcity models and not allowing everything to be free.

I feel ashamed of me for being mad at others and not taking it upon myself. I feel fear of everyone’s judgement beliefs around this turning them against me and judging me. So I’m judging myself first.
Anyway with all the uproar arou d my asking for money

You’d think someone would have at least donated.

I feel pist.

The universe plays me by making me believe and have faith and then crushing me atom bomb style.

I hate the world.

I love my feelings.

Sigh I feel scared to go there to the dissapointing and hoplelessness it is do huge I feel scared I’ll be overwhelmed and never come back.

Fuchk all you who hated and I bet that cleanse sucks since I don’t seem to have been meant to participate in it though I want to.

Since its not available it’s not for me and it’s nothing I’m losing .

Sink into me I feel hot in my tummy.

I feel sleepy.

I feel angry and dissapointed and sad.

I love my feelings.

I want to heal the stuff I phrased as non fm’s here and receive the gift in it.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 2:00pm
636: April Rose says:

@ Camille 619

My story: quick catch up: -

Okay 3 years ago I was a happy single girl, finding myself etc..
A married man, WM, also found me. He pursued me. He kissed me and within a month had left his wife and moved in with me.

I didn’t know a thing about the Rori Raye way. I set no boundaries and had sex early on and all that.

It is now three years on. We still live together. He is the feminine energy partner (I have tried to out-pond him to no effect). He seems happy and comfortable with our situation.
I crave to be the feminine energy partner in a relationship.

A month ago I told WM I needed to date, and let the best man win me.
He thought I was dumping him. But I told him he was in with a chance.

I have had about six dates with a masculine man, EM.
He is losing sleep, he says. Wants to be with me all the time. I could easily feel the same about him but I’m fighting to keep the focus on me.

That’s it, really.
I am really attracted to EM.

BUT – big but – I fear that I am in an old pattern:
The three-year itch.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 2:00pm
637: Camille says:

Lili,
that feels inspiring…..and also reminds me that when we are healing….its creates healing in others simultaneously ……. the synchronisity is lovely

I feel hopeful and smily

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 2:02pm
638: LILI 41 says:

631:

SweetPea,

It was LG I beleive, than I followed through.

I have been doing it.
I got stuck at Day 7 – Forgiveness.
I feel I just got myself unstuck by triggering myself…we’ll see.

I will let whatever needs to happen for me to get through this healing process, bc I love myself and I won’t let myself down.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 2:02pm
639: Daria says:

It’s not as simple as that. They want me to click some links and have 11 + dollars showing in papal to change to zero.

But my PayPal says 8 something so u am excluded.

I feel mad so fuchk it.

It suchjs! I declare. I am hating.

Hmm I’d like to heal all this.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 2:03pm
640: lk says:

@Daria

“((Lk))

“I feel moved. And surprised and curious

“You’re really not triggered by my feeling that way? How do you do it?”

Awww ((Daria)) i feel surprised too…. but i trust that we are riffing & i want to feel loved & Best Intentions from all the women on the blog : ))))

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 2:06pm
641: Sweetpea says:

Starla @ 527,

Thank you for sharing your growth here with us in all of its forms. It feels encouraging somehow to see where you’re still “baby-steppin’ it”. I felt smiley reading this – you’re still very becoming, even when you’re feeling…not perfect.

I was thinking about the “My Guy” thing. I’ve found myself avoiding saying things like that to MM too – but then I thought, “If I’m sleeping with him, he better be My Guy.” What d’ya think?

Maybe having that block is that holding me back. I might venture into that water and see how big the sharks are….

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 2:06pm
642: LILI 41 says:

634:

Daria,

The consciousness cleanse is free on oprah.com.
Type out “21-day consciousness cleanse” in the search field.
Then scroll down the index to find the list of days, mostly in random order (Day 8, Day 5, Day 2…).
All 21 days are there for free.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 2:06pm
643: lk says:

“scarcity models”

yeah, fxck Economics.

why in the effing world would you build societies around the idea that Demand exceeds Supplies – THAT IS A HORRIBLE ASSUMPTION TO BUILD SYSTEMS UPON.

i want food & water & shelter & love for everyone

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 2:08pm
644: Camille says:

April Rose,
Awww…..thanks for the update….Im assuming Wm knows you date EM??

Is WM stepping up to win you?

Oooh I feel so curious and excited for you

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 2:08pm
645: LILI 41 says:

636:

Thank you Camille.
Your comments feels conforting and encouraging.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 2:09pm
646: Daria says:

LILi – it’s free!!!???

Woo hoo yay for acknowledging my feelings I’m getting it free now thank you!

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 2:10pm
647: Sweetpea says:

@ 637,

Thanks Lili 41. I feel a little embarrassed if it was LG who originally posted it, but… so be it.

Sorry to hear you got stuck – forgiveness feels hard sometimes. Not blaming feels hard sometimes, when I know someone’s intentional actions toward me at an age when I had no logical way to deal with feelings affected me so deeply.

But I’m getting there, and this doesn’t feel like it’s taking over my life anymore. I’m sending up happy thoughts for you. xoxox

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 2:11pm
648: lk says:

@Sweetpea – thank you for that ! that is helpful : ) although, i’m not ready to say that. i don’t consistently feel good with those words about him yet… i still feel, “oh, he is a stranger – i just met him – i haven’t seen him get mad yet – ” etc.

@FW ….. hmmmmm …… yes… & even though they are more Serious words like that, i think i still want to say them if i do Feel that way : )

but i don’t feel that way totally. i don’t feel comfortable with those feelings about him yet.

& i want to honor my dream knowledge too. especially with so many recent confirmations about those types of things….

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 2:11pm
649: Daria says:

If I’m sleeping he better be my guy… Hmm maybe… Or one of them

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 2:13pm
650: lk says:

@April Rose

“I have had about six dates with a masculine man, EM.
He is losing sleep, he says. Wants to be with me all the time. I could easily feel the same about him but I’m fighting to keep the focus on me.”

Does EM know you live with WM ? i wonder if he is triggered into Urgent Pursuit, knowing you are essentially Unavailable….

Hm. I also wonder, is he Angry ? Is he pressuring you to move out & find your own place ?

if wouldn’t want to date someone who was OK with me living with another man.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 2:17pm
651: Daria says:

or maybe inviting you to live with him or to help yu find / get a place

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 2:18pm
652: lk says:

oh now i feel excited to do a Free Consciousness Cleanse !!!!! yayyy thanks ladies : )

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 2:20pm
653: Ella says:

Oh I keep trying to answer e-mails on POF, and I just can’t be bothered.

At all.

Like I start typing and I just get this massive bored, turned off resistance and I literally can’t type another word.

I feel so BORED of it.

Its so slow, and boring.

And I am so tired of asnwering the same questions over and over.

Wish I could just send out a group e-mail to everyone saying

‘I am feeling burnt out on e-mails, if you want to get to know me just ask me on a real date already…. make a plan’

Lol.

Hmmmm??!!

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 2:21pm
654: lk says:

@Daria 650

yeah that sounds nice !

what about that april rose ?

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 2:23pm
655: Daria says:

FUchk you debbie ford and oprah, you want me to write stuff and i dont’ wan tto write

i ahte it when they’make you’ write

i feel so resistnat to that

i dont want to write about it…o k now i do maybe a lil bit

but fuchk you anyway

feel so turned off bored judgemental of fluffy ok

not of fluffy i like fluffiness
but of superficial just write this ness

efff

i wan to strangle it

i know this is all me and doesnt make senes

i also feel afraid and ashamed that iu recevied this gift and now im not liking it

DONT SHOW THAT

you are so UNGRATEFUL AND AUNAPPREACIATIVE

i love me and i am willing and open to heal

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 2:23pm
656: Senior Lady Vibe says:

@559: Brenda

Well… that’s the story I told myself when I first saw the video. I make them up to suit me… I like that one. You can make another one if you want. Make it personal. The song and the video story are so magical and romantic. I just love the sparkling gems and the older couple dancing.. and the magic fire when the world is cold. Everything!!!

P.S. I also want a top like the one she wears in the video.
————-
@563: mali says:
“…@559: SLV
WOW. Feeling so TRIGGERED by that!!…”

I hope that’s good and means you are powerfully inspired. I got into the vid from a siren who said she danced around the house listening to it! I loved it right away. I am moved!

xoxo

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 2:24pm
657: Daria says:

Ella – that is exactly what i do , i write the same thing to everyone like…

i dont like typing online so much, if u want to get to know me it would feel nice to hear your voice… im at {number} … Daria

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 2:25pm
658: Daria says:

fuchk Sade its gonna make me sad. i think i liked that video though.

feeling pinched on my liver right now

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 2:27pm
659: Daria says:

i hate when they say wht is one action that would support yoru goal . make a commitment to do it

im like SUCHK ME!!!

i hate you and your stupid superficiality and nto really caring and boxing me in with your other stupid clients!

like DUH, what if i dont want to take it. what if it scares me?

what if thats what i want help with not your sutpide wwwoowwoo fake shit!

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 2:29pm
660: Silver Moonbeam says:

I copy and paste replies all over the show and I don’t bloody care anymore because I am a goddamn Siren:D

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 2:30pm
661: Silver Moonbeam says:

And I have like 25=30 to reply to on Smooch because I have had no Internet proper for a few weeks and I just eliminated all of the no ways and the wee boys and the old men which didnt leave too many contendors LOL!! And you know what it doesn’t matter anymore because there will be plenty more coming along they are all just fish in my river of RR lurve ha ha!!

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 2:33pm
662: Daria says:

What is the one feeling you desire to feel most this year?

** ok i wnat to feel that Magic feeling like im in Harry Potter or in a magic story, a basm.

i used to feel this feeling in my choildhood, looking at the objects arund me, hearing the noise, of both nature and magical people stuff

cozy

like narnia

How will you act differently if you were feeling that feeling all the time?

i would feel like im arrived, like im fianly liveing the true life the magic, i would efel relieved and curious each dahy and

be spared the superficiality and draining and non eneretic ness of cookie cutter hospital paneling on walls.

How would people around you benefit?

i would have more creativity and cool stuff to share. i would be nto needy of them i would be always interesting and happy to be alive

What would be different in your world?

cool stuff would happen that were magic and id feel conencted and cozy and curious and childlike and innocent and also know that anything could happen and feel safe from truly horrible soulesll depression things as its all magic

Write it out in great detail.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 2:33pm
663: Senior Lady Vibe says:

@573: Rose

The thanks go to Rori. I’ll get “a round tuit” … eventually. Right now I’m having a hard time giving up my Christmas tree…

A visitor last night said “Oh, your Christmas tree is still up. It’s so adorable… I wouldn’t want to take it down.”

Yes, it is…truly! and I don’t…

I really don’t want to take it apart and put it… back… into…the box. It’s so magical I woke up this morning at 5:00 a.m. so I could experience the little lights again in the dark. Let’s hope it’s enough to get the magic flowing again.

Wondering if next Christmas season my Sweetie and I will put it up together.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 2:35pm
664: Silver Moonbeam says:

And to be honest, really truthfully honest, half of them wouldn’t even look at me twice in the real world, ESPECIALLY the young ones, I am not so up myself to believe otherwise……..WHY? Because they don’t, I may as well be the invisible woman or their mum IRL, but on dating sites all these young úns pop up out of nowhere, it is amusing and I can’t believe older women fall for this……but they do at the expense of their passport and visa…….

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 2:38pm
665: Daria says:

i am cryng at how much i hate living in a non Harry potter world

and im alrady heareing the reasonableness and excuses

ugh

i dont want to live here anymore!

although i do like Some non harry potter feeling things, but i think i would like them even more if they were harry pottery

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 2:38pm
666: lk says:

@Ella 652

“a group e-mail”

LOL

that’s awesome

yes, just send a Group Email to all the men drooling over Siren Ella : ) i love it !

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 2:38pm
667: Daria says:

yah like i do like to admire how tough modern and cool i am
…
hmm

love to me

i want this rift to heal!

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 2:39pm
668: Daria says:

ohh lovely no one is rescuing SADe either, they are breaking her heart

i am going to learn to make magic out of concrete concrete is a rock and it can speak to me

maybe fiberglass and other paneling material will wake up and talk to me

pleasssee’

;(

sobss

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 2:40pm
669: Daria says:

i miss my hooooomeeeeeee

where verything wa smagic

crying

i m so tired of this world!!!1

no more pleae i cant take it

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 2:41pm
670: Daria says:

now im scared im gonna die

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 2:41pm
671: Lolita says:

Hello Sirens! QUESTION:

What do you think of not answering your home/cell phone for 1 evening when a guy is pulling away? How do you explain it the next day so that he still feels safe? Any advice.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 2:42pm
672: Lolita says:

I feel for you Daria, you’re going to be fine.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 2:43pm
673: Daria says:

Silver Moonbeam – it sounds like youre committed to not beliveing youre attractive

perhaps men arent looking at you cuz youre not giving an open vibe

they dont look at me either when i do that

and all men look at me when i do

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 2:43pm
674: Senior Lady Vibe says:

@585: Silver Moonbeam says:
“…You just gotta laugh (or you’d cry LOL…”

Well, darling sweetheart Silver Moonbeam… you go on with your bad self! tee hee.

I’ve got a really good one that a male dating coach printed in his ebook. Maybe I posted once… I’ll post it if/when I run across it again….

Got to love the little darlings… They are out there trying… for something… so I’ll give them a pinch or two of credit.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 2:43pm
675: mali says:

Lolita… My advice- this is about us and how we feel… remember, if we feel comfortable, so will he.

If, when he calls, and you’re free, answer the phone

Does he call you every evening?

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 2:44pm
676: Daria says:

Lolita – dont explain and odnt try to make him feel safe

also DONT not answer to strategize cuz hes pulling away… only dont answer if you dont feel like answering

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 2:45pm
677: Daria says:

thank you Lolita

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 2:46pm
678: Lolita says:

Hi Mali,

Undortunately he does not all every evening. We’ve been together for 1 year soon. But I allways answer.

Okay, here’s my secret: I found out he reposted a profile to the dating site.. I feel so let down and misguided and very very sad.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 2:50pm
679: Lolita says:

If I don’t answer he may assume it’s cuz I did see his profile, I dont want that, cuz then he would feel unsafe to call back or plan anything with all the tension these past 2 weeks… But I do value myself and know I could date allmost anyone. It’s just I love him and there are kids involved.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 2:52pm
680: Senior Lady Vibe says:

@604: Brenda

Yeah, know what mean… but I did get my laundry done. Does housework count? I don’t think it does. Last night Charlie Rose had guests discussing artist Vincent Van Gogh and I was inspired… but didn’t do a thing. *sigh*

I’m sorta starting the new year next Monday… This is my “experiments” year.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 2:52pm
681: Lolita says:

I feel pathetic.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 2:53pm
682: Sweetpea says:

Daria @ 648,

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 2:55pm
683: April Rose says:

@lk 649
@Daria 650
@643 Camille

I feel surprised by your answers! And warm and honey soft that you answered.

It’s so new to me, this “being allowed” to have more than one boyfriend. I know, I know it’s not boyfriends we’re after. I struggle to define the roles of the men in my life.

Yes, WM and EM know about each other.
I don’t want to jump out of living with one to living with the other without some sort of interim gentle time for me. For me to be sure of what I want and be open to my true best match.

“Date at least three” says Rori.

But yes, Daria, there is a secret hope that EM will work on a solution to my housing difficulty…

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 2:57pm
684: LILI 41 says:

646:

Caught your happy thoughts SweetPea. Thanks

Here are some coming your way.

For me it also comes from childhood. It keeps repeating over and over again.
sik n tired of it, so healing it.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 2:58pm
685: Starla says:

Am feeling sooo needy today. Resisted like 10000 times the urge to lean forward. Need to re-center, eeeeee. I’m sure I’ll feel better when we’re together tonight. I only feel bad when we’re apart.
Which is probably why I call him CF for Crack Fix.
It’s just…I think I’m ready for him to say the I Love You’s and make a plan for our life together.
That’s right, I said it.

Or maybe I’m just pining for security.
Going to sit with these feelings a bit longer. As in, many more weeks. They are BIG feelings and triggers. I feel grateful for them.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 2:58pm
686: Senior Lady Vibe says:

@604: Brenda

Oops.
Yeah, know what youmean…

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 3:01pm
687: Ella says:

Lolita,

Don’t worry about how he feels, and don’t worry about rocking the boat.

If it was me I would tell him I saw the profile and how that made me feel, even though it would feel scary to do so.

I think it was FW who posted something above about how we show up as needy in relationships and there was a lot about not rocking the boat for fear of upsetting him.

Hugs.

xoxox

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 3:02pm
688: Ella says:

lk re 665

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 3:03pm
689: Starla says:

Lolita, you can tell him the truth about how you feel when he calls, or tomorrow when you do speak to him

“I don’t want to talk right now. I feel bad seeing that your profile is back up. I feel shaky.”

etc.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 3:03pm
690: April Rose says:

@Camille 643

NO WM (who I live with) is NOT stepping up to win me.

He looks at me with his sad green eyes.
Then goes back to his workaholic ways.

I could feel devastated. But I’m holding myself away from that. I’ve felt too much of it already, before I decided to feel ‘turned off’ and start circular dating.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 3:04pm
691: Lolita says:

@Ella, I am very afraid because he told me he’s pulling away and not sure anymore he can give mw what I want (marriage, living together with our kids) last week after a BIG argument. Then, Monday night he took me out paid and everything but last night he called to say good night, and minutes later he logged back on the site… I am afraid it will be his excuse to break-up.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 3:05pm
692: Dominique says:

Lolita- It doesn’t matter what he may or may not think. It’s not your business anyway. If you feel good answering, then do so. If you don’t, then don’t. No explanation necessary.

xxoo

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 3:05pm
693: Memulo says:

Lolita,

No need to explain or assume what he would think, I agree with Daria. Can you feel like turning your cell off and not answering? Or be out with friends? Or forget to charge it? It’s your cell, you can do anything you want. Plus you can ask him about the profile if you feel like it.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 3:05pm
694: Starla says:

choose your words, though. you don’t wanna “blow up” at him. Just say how you feel and hang up, if that’s what you want. if he wants to keep talking to you, let him know “Ohhh i am feeling so weird right now, but it feels a little better that you want to talk about it…it’d feel better to talk another day, what do you think?”

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 3:06pm
695: Lolita says:

Part of me is afraid he’ll remove it and just repost on a different site.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 3:07pm
696: Dominique says:

SLV – Hey you…I used to finally take my decorations and lights down around the end of February, but now I just leave most of them up year round. I too love the twinkly lights.

xxoo

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 3:07pm
697: Lolita says:

Thank you Starla and Memulo, I just don’t think I can even say anything about it without causing a commotion because things are too tense right now. But I feel I want to shake things up.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 3:11pm
698: Memulo says:

FW,

Thank you for explaining about your text to that CD. He doesn’t sound like the right guy for you at all. And I have a hard time trusting him from your description too.

Starla,

I’d be happy to invite you to an opera lol!

Thanks everyone who expressed your opinions about my opera dilemma. It’s got resolved by itself! I emailed him the show dates that work for me and then decided to read the reviews. I didn’t like the reviews! So an hour later sent another email saying that I don’t want to see it anymore. He replied laughing and very nicely and that was it.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 3:12pm
699: Ella says:

Lolita,

Are you watching him on the website without addressing it with him.

I don’t mean to sound harsh, and I am not absolving him of responsibility, however that feels very inauthentic, and like a recipe for becoming more disconnected.

I was in a very disconnected relationship before, which is why I now believe so much in Rori’s way.

I would bring it all into the open, tell him how I feel and do what I needed to take a step back and look after me.

Scary when you love them and feel unsure about whether they will follow you or let you go, however also the only real option for fixing a disconnected relationship if you ask me.

I do know that holding on and holding back out of fear, and covering up, do NOT work.

Do you have Rori’s programmes?

Sending you lots of love.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 3:13pm
700: Lolita says:

@Memulo, did he suggest anything else instead for you to do together or say he would talk to you soon, anything like that?

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 3:15pm
701: Ella says:

I have fairy lights in my bedroom all year round.

I love them.

It makes my room feel all magical.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 3:16pm
702: mali says:

Whew… I’m feeling really pathetic and small and judgmental of myself…

There’s one man on a site who asked me for my FB, and after telling him that I didn’t share my FB with ppl I’m dating/could potentially date, I haven’t heard back…

And he’s an upgraded member, and I very quickly became infatuated with the idea of him, and have viewed his profile frequently… and so he can see the last time I viewed his profile.

EEEEEEEK!!!

Feeling so pathetic and disgusted and scared… I’m a scary stalker! And that’s what he must think of me- that I’m desperate!!

Feeling so scared, and I’m freaking out, and it feels tight, and I’m finding it difficult to breathe, and I want a hug. *cries*

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 3:16pm
703: Lolita says:

@Ella, I have thought about it, I admit, to just tell him I feel sad and misguided and very upset about it. I just don’t know if I want to step back yet entirely, but I am leaning back big time now.

I have Modern Siren and Reconnect.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 3:17pm
704: Memulo says:

Lolita, he did not suggest any further contact, but can be due to a slight rejection from me, I did not suggest any other show either. In any case – I am not contacting him under any circumstances, he knows where I am if he wants to maintain out friendship.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 3:19pm
705: Ella says:

(((((Mali)))))

You are sooooo not a scary stalker.

And so what if you are anyway!

Maybe this is a chance to heal worrying about what others think??

I know how that feels.

Can be very free-ing when we move past that and stop caring and worrying as much and love ourselves anyway.

xoxox

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 3:20pm
706: Lolita says:

I want him to feel that if continues this way he could loose me. I know he does not want that. He says he loves me and it would hurt for a long time if we broke-up. Are these just words? I am no longer sure since I discovered he reposted a profile a few days ago.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 3:21pm
707: Memulo says:

Lolita, I would focus on what I want, how I feel and where my life is going. Maybe i would be silent and sunk into my feelings for a couple of days and then decide what i want to do and what i want to tell him if that is what I need to do for myself.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 3:26pm
708: Memulo says:

Lolita, can you imagine yourself telling him that because of his words or actions you would not be giving him love and marriage. Can you imagine leaving him all worried and upset and shaky.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 3:28pm
709: mali says:

Ella, thankyou so much… I really needed a hug.

I do care what people think, especially with a man who seemed to fit the bill… *sigh*

And it’s okay to care what people think. I accept that part of me. I love that part of me.

But I will not allow others’ thoughts to dictate what I do.

Loving my fear and scary-stalker-ish ness… feeling myself relax…

It’s okay ((((Mali))))

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 3:30pm
710: Camille says:

Lolita,
I know situations like this can be scary and make you panicky. I have been in them before….trust yourself and your sireness….how can you be threatened by any other woman? First off you have history going for you and the fact that he knows you. Lean back let him do what he will do….try not to panic. Go do something for yourself to feel good about you and remember what a great woman you are……..”if he were to date someone or talk to someone else” it just might remind him what he already has is far superior that what hes looking for. Let it be a “plus” for you that he is talking with other women.

Ive been in the same boat…….it ended up benefitting me, not hurting me and I was an absolute basket case for nothing!

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 3:31pm
711: Camille says:

Sometimes being around or talking with “other” women make them miss “you”. It really does. I would be cool with his decision he is grown and he will do what he will do. I would sink into my feelings, feel them and then find feelings that make “me” feel better-with or without him. There are always things that we can do whether they are in our lives or not that make us feel great. Go do them or think them. Don’t focus on the imaginary stuff he could be doing or saying to other women.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 3:35pm
712: Senior Lady Vibe says:

@695: Dominique

I’ll see… I could probably go to Valentine’s Day but I think this week is time to finish up 2011…

xoxo

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 3:36pm
713: Lolita says:

Memulo and Camille,

You’re right, I feel more like being silent right now with him about it until I figure out what I want. He also did this exact same thing last summer after another spat and we came back together after that.

Memulo, yes if it goes on I will let him know I don’t want this behavior and leave him ‘shaky’ as you say. Just not today.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 3:38pm
714: Senior Lady Vibe says:

I *could* put the lights around one of the windows and add the soulmate garland. Hmmm but I really like the tree too… it’s only 4 feet, on a table and looks real (but a fakeroo…)

Yes…. it’s magical…. especially when the lights in room are turned off…

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 3:39pm
715: Lolita says:

The other day during intimacy he said ‘why I am so attracted to you’ and looked deep in my eyes. It must be the Siren in me. Thank you Sirens and Rori.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 3:40pm
716: Lolita says:

Just to clear things up, I’m pretty, but he was talking about genuine attraction.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 3:42pm
717: Francesca says:

I have to admit, sometimes I don’t have a clue what you sirens are talking about. :/

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 3:45pm
718: Sweetpea says:

Daria,

What if you do the meditation without writing anything down?

From what I’ve seen so far, I think you’d like the meditations…

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 3:46pm
719: Camille says:

Lolita,
T and I just had a spat recently….and during the time he was “man caving” and away….I found out unbeknownst to him that he went to a womans home for dinner………I was beside myself and let my mind go places that drove me nearly insane for two days. Then I remember Rori saying if they are not in front of you they dont exist. I leaned waaayyyy back I didnt try to contact him or ask him about what Id heard or anything………He contacted me after the second day and made plans to meet me. We talked I remained calm, cool, strong on the inside, soft on the outside, He told me about the woman without me asking…….He also told me he realised he did it because he was hurt so he went to see her “thinking I’ll show her” and the end result was him missing our conversations, my intellect, sireness, kindness, the mother I am (apparently she had a child) and it all worked out perfectly with him having a growing experience and me getting a wonderful apology and a whole bucket load of compliments and him admitting he felt horribly guilty and like he was cheating although it was just a friendly dinner???? Who knew? I also used this time to set boundaries in feeling messages that I didnt want that in my relationship but I loved his honesty and if he were to do it again, I would end the relationship. He believed me because he was so shocked I wasnt emotional and dramatic while he was gone.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 3:46pm
720: Camille says:

I also know he was expecting drama when he told me that he had went and seen her. I used Rori’s tools and scripts…………it went swimmingly………I felt strong, and confident. Not bitchy or wounded. It was marvelous. He has been very different with me since….its working, its working………..but Im not working for a change. I am doing absolutely nothing and getting so much more. And I got the one thing I cherish so much…….HONESTY

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 3:50pm
721: Sweetpea says:

Sorry Daria,

Looks like you already handled it.

I can’t seem to keep up with this blog anymore.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 3:50pm
722: Camille says:

I also know he was expecting drama when he told me that he had went and seen her. I used Rori’s tools and scripts…………it went swimmingly………I felt strong, and confident. Not bi***chy or wounded. It was marvelous. He has been very different with me since….its working, its working………..but Im not working for a change. I am doing absolutely nothing and getting so much more. And I got the one thing I cherish so much…….HONESTY

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 3:51pm
723: Camille says:

Lolita, I know Im typing so much, but I can so relate….BOTTOM LINE……..REMEMBER…….No other woman is Lolita, you are a treasure and a jewel.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 3:52pm
724: LILI 41 says:

719:

Wow, great story Camille.
You learned really well.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 3:55pm
725: Daria says:

thanks sweetpea… i feel a lil more open to chek it out now

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 3:56pm
726: Daria says:

Francesca – what are you talking about?

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 3:58pm
727: Luzydel says:

I downloaded one of Carol Allen’s E-books…Yuck I feel disappointed money I wont get back; lesson learned today?

Be careful of becoming addicted to dating advice…

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 4:03pm
728: Daria says:

Yay Camille!!!

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 4:03pm
729: Sun Goddess says:

Wow, Camile, thanks for sharing your story. Neighbor lady is posting all over LPs page and his pictures and it is very triggering to me. Trying to be okay with all of this and his away ness and him not contacting me since he said I love you on the phone Sunday. Your story helps a bit!

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 4:07pm
730: Lizka says:

Hi! I’m writing live from my brand new computer!! That feels so good not to have to type from my phone anymore! Wahou! And I feel so happy about my new purshase!! He he, CDs might not be stepping up, but I have a new gadget, to distract me! la la la

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 4:08pm
731: Lolita says:

Camille, thank you so much for your story. I like the ‘if they are not in front of you they dont exist’. I must have missed that somehow.
However, he also went out with one of his work colleagues last week that has been flirting with him last summer during our last spat. I went through the flipping out at him last week because of this. but you made me realize he may be doing this to ‘show me’ like you say. He says I am wonderful, but we had a terrible christmas vacation and since he’s been pulling away. I will wait for him to tell me about it for a few days. I am afraid I was not up to the challenge with his kids during the vacation, and that’s what really made him first mad and upset at me. His kids are very rowdy but I really love them and they get along great with my son. I told him I wanted to play more with his kids,

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 4:11pm
732: Daria says:

Luzydel – it might be possible to get the money back by emailing her… most people do give refunds

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 4:11pm
733: Daria says:

Lizka! nice!!

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 4:14pm
734: Camille says:

Its my pleasure….glad im finally “figuring it out” but it works for sure! Glad I can share a success.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 4:15pm
735: Lolita says:

Hi Lizka, glad you like your new computer.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 4:15pm
736: Camille says:

Sun Goddess,
from what Ive heard before…..shes trying to trigger you! She dont have nothing on you girl! Who does he come to? That speaks volumes!

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 4:16pm
737: Lizka says:

Lolita I feel for you. I agree with all the ladies advices. If you feel like answering the phone, do it, if you don’t, just don’t. And no explanation needed. It’s ok if he worries. And in the mean time, just take care of you.

Hope your afternoon off gave you some rest and helped you to feel more relaxe.

If I was you, I would not call him (of course you already know). He might not call tonight, he might not call tomorrow, but after a few days, he will definitly come and see what’s up with you.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 4:17pm
738: Memulo says:

Camille, what did you tell him?

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 4:17pm
739: Lizka says:

Camille, that’s a fantastic story! I feel very inspired. Thanks for sharing!

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 4:18pm
740: Sun Goddess says:

Thanks Camille, yes I know she purposely does all of this which makes it feel even worse. I did a lot for me today and I have another surprise for me tomorrow.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 4:19pm
741: Lolita says:

I will work on a speach (Camille, I may borrow some ideas… a phrase even):

- I don’t feel safe right now
- As you know, I want exclusivity and a commitment that is growing towards the possibility of marriage and living together.
- I don’t want a relationship where my man is on dating sites. I love you and your honesty (if he admits it), but if you continue or do it again, I will end the relationship.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 4:19pm
742: Liz says:

Hi sirens,
hi!!!
i am feeling a little more successful leaning back….and it helps being busy teaching again….

Does anyone feel different when they lean back, i seem to feel more present and i am not as tempted to multitask and i have shined my kitchen sink two days in a row.

I have a new CD…i think i will call him snowshoeCD and I am meeting him on saturday for lunch and he has already asked me out for next thursday for date #2, i met him on match….he has a funny sense of humor, I am looking forward to it…
AccountantCD has texted me and emailed twice since our chance enounter in the woods where we started kissing each other and it totally blew us both away, we both felt swept away by the energy between us and i got a clairvoyant reading about it today and learned a new trick to lean back on a clairvoyant level and this trick feels like the missing piece to me on the leaning back concept…..the woman who read me said 95% of the women she works with are trained to lean forward….so i feel hopeful that I can use this trick to keep my energy for me, and so far it feels really good and juicy….
sorry i went back to teaching and am just catching up on the blog….there is lots going on on siren island…thanks everyone for sharing and it is always inspiring to read your successes and your challenges…
love and happy leaning back to all of you
XXXXXX0000000

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 4:20pm
743: Camille says:

I gotta go home. Im at work ill get back on later and chat with you

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 4:21pm
744: Lolita says:

It sounds like an ultimatum…

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 4:21pm
745: Lizka says:

Yay! Now that I have a new computer, I can go on the dating site and practice the tools and maybe find some new CDs!! I found what I’m up to for the night!!

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 4:22pm
746: Lolita says:

Thanks Lizka, I had a nap this afternoon, seriously PMsing and feverish… and obviously upset. But you Sirens make me feel better.. yeah

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 4:22pm
747: Lizka says:

Lolita -

I would not say “but if you continue or do it again, I will end the relationship”.

You have warned him. He knows that. He’s not a kid.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 4:24pm
748: Camille says:

And tell you exactly what I said to him feeling messages and all!

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 4:25pm
749: lk says:

oh oops : ( i forgot why i don’t like to call men.

no answer ! i hate to get no answer : (

lol, can’t do that again.

now i have a boundary since he asked me to call. if he asks again about it, i want to say, i don’t like to call & get no answer. i feel rejected, even when i know that isn’t the case : ) i can’t leave a message for you (no voicemail) & that makes me feel unheard & helpless, like trying to walk through a wall, so i don’t really want to call : )

but when he calls back, i can say, oh yes, i just felt really interested to hear how your dad is doing after his surgery…. wow, i can’t imagine how much his life will change now ! that’s amazing : ))))))

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 4:29pm
750: Lolita says:

Thank you Camille, you’re a beautiful fellow Siren.

Lizka, that’s what I meant when I say I am afraid it may sound too much like an ultimatum, whih Rori says you don’t give.

My man is too much on the verge for an ultimatum.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 4:29pm
751: lk says:

@Lizka 746

dxmn girl !!! you are a baller : )

i seriously thought that was a post from Femininewoman.

i want to be all mother-y toward you like, AWWW lizka !!!! the girls grow up so fast : ) lol

you’re amazing !

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 4:31pm
752: Daria says:

hmm i am making plans for tonite after all lol

i t feels yummy

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 4:33pm
753: Daria says:

Liz – what is the clairvoyant lean back trick?

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 4:37pm
754: lk says:

it was chill to call, though. i can tell because i feel totally chilled & even if he doesn’t call tonight, it won’t stress me. not like watching my phone, checking my phone, & making up Secret Rules about what time he has to call by before i send out my Flying Monkey vibes to beat his axs lol

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 4:38pm
755: Lizka says:

lk 750

haha I am laughing like you can’t imagine. Seriousle I love your post, it’s so funny.

Yay I’m becoming a big siren! Thank you for noticing.

Lolita, I’m sorry if I sounded harsh. Really not my goal. love

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 4:39pm
756: Lolita says:

I will be open and authentic: I will answer my phone because I want to receive and I really do feel like hearing his voice. I will unzip my heart and feel he happiness that he is calling me and tell him so.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 4:40pm
757: Femininewoman says:

Lolita I would encourage you to start with the positive in the message. The part about the honesty feels good. About the dating site I would likely say it would feel safe and tell what would make me feel safe. The part about the man could come across as blame. Telling him what you want could come across as a harsh demand so if you decide to say that your energy would really need to be very soft and open. I suspect this would be the terms of your exclusivity as in you need a lot of contact and to see each other at least 3 times a week, if this is someone that you don’t live with. About the kids, I would caution you about offering to help with them or trying to be mother to them. I made that mistake and can guarantee you that it does not make the man love you any more.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 4:41pm
758: Lolita says:

Lizka, this is weird, I know you did not sound harsh at all. Thank you for your help. I was agreeing with you, sorry I was not clear on that. I love you and am so happy to sharing advice with you back and forth.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 4:42pm
759: Daria says:

my guyfriend CD is really stepping up and ‘knowing’ me, he is like… you’re HEALING me i can tell yo’re like making me into a gentleman

he’s committed to “feeding daria” when im hungry hehe

aww
it feels nice

here was what i thought wasa VERY feminine energy man

so feminie that i was actually bineg masculine energy around him and treating him as a friend

over tiem tho some stuff i still wanted catered to so im geting more and omre fem

he gets triggered when i dont AFIIFM

he actually recognzies his trigger to resist doing waht hes told and does some stuff to clear himself so that he can feel comfortable doing it cuz he still wants to do it for me! lol!

he makes fun of me for ‘barking orders’

but im slowly babystepping to consistent AFIIFM

that does NOT trigger him

but waht feels nice is he accepts my ‘faults’ like when i dont AFIIFM and he still likes me

aww

hehe

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 4:43pm
760: Lizka says:

Guy on dating site is asking me “if I you were a drink what would you be and why?”

Sorry for being judgemental but… weirdo? Dude, are you trying to be a alco-psychologue or something? WTF?

Lol, don’t know what to answer to that but I want to be open…

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 4:43pm
761: lk says:

yeah, Liz – i feel curious too….

what is the clairvoyant lean-back ?

i wonder… sometimes i feel myself crowding someone’s vibe so they can’t come close… i try to “whittle” the rope between us, so it’s the same size as my other psychic ties ? but all this is in my imagination & actually i always feel afraid to read about Psychic or Clairvoyant or Magic things …. like the Tapping ….. in case i don’t Believe in it & then i feel afraid to lose all my Power by suddenly transmuting my wine to water : ( like ….. turning upside down suddenly … Psychic to cynic overnight ! lol

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 4:44pm
762: Daria says:

my ShowMeOff CD left me a message like oh im not picking up now thats messed up after the nice night we had, well its him

i don’t want to return it… i feel disappointed and scared

i wanted him to be perfect but now im feeling scared a bit

so im not gonna return the call or go into ‘reassuring him’

mfff

i don’t like to feel scared

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 4:46pm
763: Daria says:

but i want to be open that he can easily make the changes like guy cd

not take a stance that he can’t change

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 4:46pm
764: Lolita says:

Thank you Feminewoman, that is great advice. About the kids, he actually tells me he is not sure our relationship can move to live together and marriage BECAUSE he does not like the way I was with his kids during our christmas vacation. His kids do not eat at the table and they eat sugar 30 minutes after refusing to eat a meal. I made them what they like, which is basically pancakes, pasta with butter and chicken nuggets or hot dogs, THAT’S IT. They would not eat because they prefer to play video games. It upset me way too much, because it was after all vacation and I should have just let it go. Also, his 10 year old shows me attitude sometimes which I don’t reply too and I try to be nice with him all the time, but it makes me distressed. I have only 1 small kid and he has 3 small kids. It seems to me like it is more a question of figuring out together what we agree on on rules for the house and kids. But he got really upset and said he is not sure we ‘mesh’ as a family and has said he is not sure anymore about me.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 4:48pm
765: Femininewoman says:

Lolita I just remembered something from Reconnect. If he says he is questioning or second guessing the relationship with you tell him he is right about it. The space that he created has helped you to really look at your life and to wonder if he is what you want in your life. It has helped you to see that you do have options that you might wish to explore or that you have explored. Rori says this is lean back speech that he is not expecting and it usually have the effect of hooking him in because he is not expecting this kind of confidence.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 4:49pm
766: lk says:

@Lizka 759

LOL

that’s funny!

i’d be like, “ohh i feel like laughing reading that question…. & i feel curious about what you want to learn about me ? i like to drink Stout Beer & i like rum too…. so i feel curious now, what do you think ?? ”

lol I’d want to hear his reaction to my preferences… like, wow, LOL maybe he has the secret of Humans all down to their drink choices ? wow that’s silly & entertaining : )

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 4:49pm
767: Femininewoman says:

Lolita I would agree with him and don’t try to convince him of anything. Kids will create the friction but I would encourage you to try the leanback with them also. The 10 year old might be rebelling against the “mother replacement” in the child’s mind. Until the child is ready to move towards you, you instituting discipline could cause trouble. They might be inspired watching your child though or he might be inspired without you saying anything. People hate it when you point out their faults but they will generally make a shift just watching your life.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 4:54pm
768: lk says:

@Daria 761

maybe he was feeling scared ? so he came on extra-strong ?

i’d still call him back & treat his message like a joke, like, laughing, awww i felt scared listening to your message ! that feels weird to have you think i’m Choosing to Not Answer…. i’m just Busy LOL …. & then if he recovers, then give him a shot. otherwise BYE BYE

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 4:54pm
769: LILI 41 says:

726:

But it works. ((Luzydel))

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 4:58pm
770: Femininewoman says:

Lizka I believe that is guy logic testing you. Maybe he expects drama because of past experience. I like lk’s suggestion. It will show you have a sense of humor.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 4:59pm
771: River Girl says:

598 Daria says
“I think the sweet Daria thing well it seemed condescending to me. It fels good to think that I actually come off sweet but – that might be my thing – I feel mistrustful.

I think it’s really that I’m being looked down on.”

Daria, this is really interesting to me. I used to feel so resentful when people said I was sweet. I felt unheard and insignificant (especially in work situations) and as if others saw me as a just a sweet little thing. I was like ‘Hmmph!! Don’t call me sweet!’ I never said that out loud though unless it was disguised as a joke or mock indignation.

I think I probably over corrected a little bit because I made up for those feelings of insignificance by starting to speak out and giving my opinions and being very forthright. I think that the over compensating is what lead to more a more masculine way of being. I felt more in control. In many ways that was a good thing because I grew in confidence and knew that no matter what I can take care of myself. It does mean though that I now have quite a bit of undoing to do to return to my natural femininity.

It’s been a very gradual change but I feel less threatened by being called sweet these days, coz I am sweet! But I feel strong inside too so I don’t have to be so defensive all the time. I love that I can say thank you when someone says I am sweet now and really mean it. Rori’s philosophies and also Byron Katie’s have helped me soo much…still quite a way to go but I feel so much more aware of how I am responding these days.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 4:59pm
772: Daria says:

Lizka – i would be an “orgasm”

or a “pink pussy”

or a “sex in the limo”

lol

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 5:00pm
773: Lolita says:

Thank you Femininewoman, that is truly fantastic advice. Actually, I did say to him that I was thinking too (but not as elaborately when he first delivered the speach to me about not being sure anymore, and we came back together 2 days later during our vacation. This is truly painful for me because we were talking about moving in together and had even seen a house for rent. You are right about the son, He has been seperated for about a 15 months and I met him a year ago. It is all very new to the kids, but they usually really like me. Unfortunately, I have to admit I was not best self with them during our vacation.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 5:01pm
774: Daria says:

how about a “romantic cherry”

or a “yummie pie”

or a “hot pursuit”

or a “damsel in distress”

hee feels fun to amke up names for drinnks

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 5:01pm
775: Lizka says:

Lol Daria,

Could also be a “blow job” or a “sex on the beach”… but certainly not a “bloody brain” or a “bloody mary” or a “kick in the head”

hehe fun stuff. I just erased it. I was judgemental. He had a picture with a girl. 1st that’s weird. Second, she was so not my style…

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 5:04pm
776: Daria says:

river Girl – i fel comfortable bieng called sweet sometimes… i do think of myself as sweet (now when i started acknowledging it in me)

i felt really triggered and dimissed in that post though

i heard something like sweet daria you are so funny with your little off the wall theories of what is going on…

i will call you sweet and make you feel good and then you’ll leave me alone

now this is what my triggers were not really about anyone else…

i want to heal whatever it is there

i felt frigthened and defensive

perhaps i DONT acknowledge that its sweet when i care about someone (including the worry/fear i can create thinnking about them and attemtps at controlling them)

hmm

yeah acutally i feel very uncomfortable with that

i didnt see how i was being sweet there in the posts before so to see that felt surprising and confusing … and i felt scared mistrustful

wow

i want to accept myself caring about others without having to accept controlling behavior upon myself from others who care for me like paretns

actually i guessi can accept it i dont want to feel triggered by it

i want to heal thsi!!

PLEEEASE

AFIIFM

it would feel great to have this healed univers… what do you thiink?

lol

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 5:06pm
777: Femininewoman says:

Silver Moonbeam I don’t know about your theory about younger guys. I have had a young one walk up to me and told me “if I weren’t so young I would marry you”. This is someone I passed daily and didn’t pay any attention to or spoke to before. I was in my little bubble at the time with my positive self talk and walking around with a smile on my face. That might have been the second time I had smiled at him when he said that. That is just one of my stories.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 5:08pm
778: Daria says:

Lizka – how about… hmm i feel kinda put off to see a picture of a girl with a man …

(that puts me off too)

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 5:08pm
779: LILI 41 says:

Lizka,

Tu es un vrai petit rayon de soleil ici !

Merci d’être là!

It cheers me up just reading whatever you have to say.
Even when you feel down, I still feel a little vibe of sunshine coming through those down posts for some reason.

There has to be a man out there for you who will feel that and appreciate it.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 5:09pm
780: Daria says:

lk – i dont want to do that

i would have doen that in the past but right then i actually did not feel GOOD listenng to the message so im not gonna step up and call

if he calls me ill let him know i felt scared

i dont feel good when guys go ‘blamy’ on me about stuff like that and

don’t return calls or texts or whatevers that don’t leave me feeling open and good

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 5:12pm
781: Daria says:

i don;’t like that Drama

ive noticed if i do reach out then and dispell it, it will come up again with me having to reassure the man

while im getting blamed

no quiero

plus we had the weird feeling like that at the end of our date

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 5:14pm
782: lk says:

ok, was looking at my vision drawing.

it’s dated 7/2010 & revised 8/2011

My Ideal Partner Would:

Be glad to forgive
Be able to apologize
Be slow to anger &
Tend towards empathy
Feel light & dark are both okay
Like nature
Like stars
Cuddle at night
Like to sing songs
Like fire
Like words
Make art
Be patient
Eat healthily
Enjoy the gifts of others, not jealously
Be kind to strangers & harbor no hatred
Give back rubs
Give head massages
Focus on touch, not release
Think most things are funny
Love children & animals
Remember the good
Be open & flexible
Be sexy & a good kisser
Be a curious body explorer
Listen to my stories
Tell me what he thinks
Not be a worrier, but
Be fine to talk about sadness or what isn’t working
Be loyal & faithful
Be honest
Be tolerant of imperfection

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 5:15pm
783: Daria says:

he’s gonna have to step up and take responsibility for the dating and pursuing me, not blaming me

well daria doesnt want a man who does that yes

and she wont return calls from the ones who do hmm

and she feels dissappointed and wants to heal this

i know i can protract this by calling him but i want to not protract something that dostn feel good

no effort from me

nope

all him

lovely

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 5:15pm
784: Lolita says:

He’s online now, not feeling good. I will do my yoga even though I am in pain from PMSing.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 5:16pm
785: Daria says:

i dont care if he was feeling scared.

i dont want a man who blames me when he feels scared

and almost all of them do that except the step up ones

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 5:17pm
786: lk says:

“Even when you feel down, I still feel a little vibe of sunshine coming through those down posts for some reason.

“There has to be a man out there for you who will feel that and appreciate it.”

@Lizka & LILI 41

i feel this too & it makes me smiley happy : ))))))

love you both : )

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 5:17pm
787: lk says:

@Daria

if you felt bad, then i back it. don’t respond. if he contacts you, then i’d want him to apologize 1st thing. otherwise BYE BYE : ) lol you’re a genius, i love you, & i trust you to do what’s good for you : )))

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 5:18pm
788: Daria says:

Lolita – maybe reading about peaceful parenting

like unschooling ideas

and respectful parenting might help you get a better idea of what could work and different parenting styles

i would not want someone who judges my kids and wants to control them

i feel kidna judgemental towards you and actually agnry reading your message

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 5:20pm
789: Daria says:

((lk))

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 5:21pm
790: Daria says:

i feel sad!

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 5:21pm
791: Daria says:

i feel shaky

i feel angry that we don’t all live with our children with peace and respect

i feel bummed that it feels so challenging to inpsire people to look through the bliefs they adopted nd get to peaceful respectful place

and feel safe

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 5:22pm
792: lk says:

i was thinking looking at my vision drawing… well, everyone i’ve ever dated matches those specifications !

& getting sad : ( like, well what is missing then in my “requirements”

& i realized. i’ve dated BOYS, not MEN

so what makes a Man a Man – not a Boy ?

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 5:23pm
793: Lizka says:

Lili (and lk too)

Oh wow that feels AMAZING to read. I even feel teary but happy-teary. I really like that this is the vibe I am sending, even through a computer. I hope I am sending the same vibe in real life.

Awwww I love what you wrote Lili so much!! Merci merci merci!

Feeling super good now!!

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 5:24pm
794: Daria says:

i feel so furious!

i fel like slapping that woman out of my house!

how dare you judge my kids!

you BIT*CH!!!

stone cold, unforgiving, sweep her outta there

i DO NOT LIKEHER!!!!!

omgosh.’

i feel so uncomfortalbe and sad to feel like this

i dont want to feel like this

i want to feel warm and compassionate and loving and open

i am not “supposed” to be judging a asiren

i think it will hrut her a lot

i am bad for having thses thoughts an feelings

i love me anyway

i want to forgive msyelf

where am i not forgiving msyelf for being controlling and judgmental with kids

ick

with some kids i sused to feel this way

i judge me now

i want to forgive myself
i want to heal this!!

i hate when children are spoiled czu im in the habit of hating

i want to heal this!!!

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 5:26pm
795: Lizka says:

Lili, your message felt so good that I wrote it down in my phone and will re-read it when I feel down. Lol that sounds cheezy.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 5:28pm
796: lk says:

@Daria 790

i went to the gym last night & saw a really “Pretty” 10 year old girl. & i was like, hmmm why am i not triggered to be competitive with her ? like i sometimes am with other Pretty Women ?

& i realized that it’s easy to feel Better Than “kids” because they’re so small & they rely on adults (some don’t, but the assumption is that they do) so they’re “worthless” because they don’t work, they eat food that adults provide, etc.

but i remember being a kid, & it’s the same thing as being an adult

A PLEA TO ALL ADULTS
Children Are Humans Too With Real, Full-Intensity Emotions & Every Interaction Will Partially Define Their UNIVERSE – So Be Good To Them & Please Act With Love & Respect – Thank You !!!

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 5:30pm
797: Daria says:

i feel shaky

i still feel mad

i feel so disappointed i liked this woman and now theyre like

not a good mom fro my kids

ugh

life SUCHKSSS!!!!!!

i don’t want to be attracted to toxic women and bad moms!!!

where am i judging myself as a toxic woman and bad mom

oh yeah cuz im afraid i will turn off stone cold or neglectful when i busy

or won’t speak up for them cuz of my shut down quietness

or will lose it and controlo or attachk them

or have blind spots

sigh

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 5:31pm
798: Daria says:

lk i am triggered to feel competitive with pretty or ‘cool’ children

i used to REALLY feel inadequate around children like they saw thruough me how uncool i am

now i dont so much anymore… whew! after healing some and learning to lean back (i was all in their space psychically)

i LOVE ME

i am healing

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 5:32pm
799: Daria says:

sorry Lolita

i feel ashamed and i would hate me and go stone cold on me and not forgive msyelf for being triggered that way

but i want to practice apologizing so

i want to say sorry for any triggers

and that this is all my stuff and not about you no matter what my mind says

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 5:34pm
800: Lizka says:

Damm, It’s so cold here today. -20 degrees celcius (-4 fahrenheit ?). And I live in an old building. All the eaters are on and I am still freezing. My fingers feels so cold I can barely type…

This makes me feel bored because I don’t feel like moving to do something and I get impatient doing stuff on my computer.

And I have to go outside and walk my dog. Ahhhhh!!

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 5:35pm
801: lk says:

& i feel grateful to my parents for “negotiating” with me & “discussing” instead of “ordering” me

i don’t remember there ever being Hard Rules in my house. just if i did something Naughty, there was a Discussion about it & sometimes a Punishment

usually Cleaning My Mess. sometimes Going to My Room.

that’s all i can remember. i do remember some friends being “grounded” but we didn’t do that at my house. i don’t even know what that means.

sometimes, if i didn’t Do My Chores, then i didn’t Get Allowance.

i had to Buy My Own Toys, because Toys Cost Money & Parents Work Hard to Earn Money…… but i was given opportunities to do Extra Chores to Earn Extra Money for Special Things

wow, parents. much love. that’s pretty awesome to review like that.

i remember doing my own laundry & one time when i was 11 i ruined a load with a red pen in a pocket. i asked my parents to replace the clothes. my mom said, your laundry is your responsibility. you need to check the pockets always.

but they helped me & gave me half my Clothing Allowance in advance for the next season so i could buy some replacements for necessary things.

wow.

i feel like hugging them both. i feel amazed & inspired & deeply moved.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 5:37pm
802: Daria says:

every interaction partially defines my universe too so everyone treat me with love and respect!!

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 5:37pm
803: Daria says:

hmm

im feeling all judgemetnal of everyones parenting styles right now hmm
im so used to complaining about this

complainging about ppl spoiling kids

adn now since i learend about peaceful respectful parenting coplaining about the opposite

i feel turned off reading about allowences

sorry for any triggers lk

it feels scary to explore myself cuz im scared i will put off lk

i love me

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 5:40pm
804: Sun Goddess says:

Brrrrrr Lizka…I have no idea what that kind of weather feels like.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 5:40pm
805: lk says:

@Daria 801

I HEAR THAT.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 5:40pm
806: Femininewoman says:

Yeah men are protective of their kids. Last time I went out with one cd he brought his twin 6 year old boys. He left them with me and went to buy food. I played with them and they were all over me each pulling on me to get my attention so I had to try and be attentive to both. One was not a eater so he kind of played with the food then started to gag. His father insisted that he eats something and encouraged him saying eat just a little. He kept on gagging and eventually threw up. The lady at the table next to us got up and walked away with scorn on her face. I laughed at her because of how she looked and it helped him to relax and we made a joke about it. His response was what am I supposed to do, kids will be kids. I think he sensed that I was not grossed out by what happened. The kid ended up laughing too. Dealing with kids can be tricky in a relationship but if they are not seen as separate from you it could possibly help to keep in mind that we are all humans wanting the same thing.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 5:40pm
807: Lizka says:

Ok Lizka, the dogs needs to be walked. Poor little thing… I doooooooon’t want to go outside!!!

SG – Snowstorm on Friday!!

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 5:43pm
808: Daria says:

truthfullly i dont’ know how to do allowances

i wondr what other unschoolers i ilked reading about did?

i didnt’ get allowance i mean romanian kids usuually idndt i think so in the past i got all stancy about that

i want to hael ALL this

this feels all scary

i wonder what id do about that hmm

i dont really believe in money

i think i would feel cool to just get kids what they want

allowance> hmm?

i would just give them the % they want?

that sounds ilke it woud feel cool

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 5:44pm
809: Daria says:

i would def not pusnish them or not replace their red stained laundry

feeling scared

feeling judgmental

DONT TALK ABOUT IT DARIA!!! JUST BE QUIET!!!

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 5:45pm
810: lk says:

LOL @Daria.. hm i don’t feel like i can get triggered hurt so please don’t feel scared…

i do not want to “trade” labor for $, like training my babies to be Capitalist Minions lol…. like allowance…

but i want my babies to do work in my house – helping – & i want them to have paper dollars if that is what humans are using to get food & other items.

hmmmmmm i feel curious, Daria, about other ways of teaching my children that they Will Help – because they will – but, like, sharing the Communal Wealth with them ….

hmm maybe detaching “allowance” $ from labor ?

hmmm i’m thinking…. ok now i’m feeling…

i want to share $ with my children. that makes them feel powerful & responsible & part of the community

i want my children to help the family. that makes them know that things like cooking or cleaning take time & are rewarding & produce other benefits that feel good. that feels incomplete. like i almost want to write, kids need to help because i’m tired & i can’t do it all on my own.

hmmmm needs more investigation i suppose

what do you think, Daria ?

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 5:46pm
811: Daria says:

i am safer beign quiet/invisible

it might feel cool to have done some 3rd chakra tapping right now…

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 5:48pm
812: lk says:

@Femininewoman

“we are all humans wanting the same thing.”

i love you, Femininewoman : ) that feels amazing to read

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 5:48pm
813: Luzydel says:

So many things I wish to happen…

I would like to have a nice healthy relationship; where I don’t feel like I am climbing a mountain. I want something smooth, suave, romantic and full of love.

However I do not want to “work hard” at it, I want to be open for it to happen, but not sacrifice myself to get it anymore.

I was suppose to have a date with a guy this weekend, but he wants me to stop by his city and let him know etc. I don’t want that anymore!! it feels exhausting to even think about it. So, No I wont go on a date where I am the one doing all the work.

S!!! gee I like S, he is a step up guy when it come to dates…commitment? I don’t know, perhaps not with me, or perhaps I have not trigger that feeling in him yet, so he vacillates..Like he is about to jump, then runs away! I am staying me, with my arms open, but I am not going to reach to him, He has to make his own mind. Then is all these Cliche type of men, that I can figure out in a second, the lack authenticity…

CDing has made me open in some ways and cautious in other. I am not obsessed with being on a date every weekend anymore, unless it is a step up, quality man…

I feel like I am in a safe place, but blind folded and don’t know where to go…

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 5:49pm
814: LILI 41 says:

753:

So funny you mention that LK.

I was sending my flying monkey vibes earlier.

Like wtf is he doing?!?! he’s been out of the d*m game for an hour already!

He called right then.
He was delayed by a call from his ex.
She had an issue to talk to him about their son.
He’s going over there to get him since he didn’t want to go w D when he was supposed to.
They are going to talk some more.

He said to me “I thought I should call you bc I usually go see you after my game, I didn’t want you to worry and wanted to explain.”
I said “Thank you for being considerate, it makes me feel important.”

He’s been really stepping up for the past 2 months and acting like he wants me in his life.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 5:50pm
815: Daria says:

i think they can help if they want Lk and that if i don’t ‘make them’ they will want to

and if its about me being tired, and can’t do it all , i don’t want to go from that place

the usnchooling articles liek sandra dodd have lots of stuff on this it kept me up for a month healing my vision

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 5:50pm
816: lk says:

i have the feeling, the suspicion, because my mom would tell me when money was Tight… that the red-stained laundry thing was an Actual Money issue – like, availability.

i feel curious though… because even now my mom will say, oh we have no money… & go play golf 2x/week & go to hawaii for a month.

that feels bad. i want to Believe Whatever My Mother Tells Me but i know i really can’t because it wouldn’t make sense for me to do that.

like when she tells me to eat salad, & then she says, oh i was just making the Healthy Suggestion.

BUT LK IS SO HEALTHY lol i want to yell at her. like, let me do whatever i want whenever i want unless seriously you think I NEED or SHOULD EAT a salad ! like…. enough !

rambling angsty baby lk

go play with your neighbor

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 5:52pm
817: T-Girl says:

Oh dear…I’m thinking I should change my name on here. I got a little paranoid that people may be able to identify me so I Googled “T-Girl” to see what came up. Ummm, maybe T-Girl wasn’t such a good name.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 5:53pm
818: Daria says:

“Living Better Without Requiring Chores

Kids blossom and get bigger from doing adult things because they want to, instead of kid-things they have to do because they’re small.

—Sandra

Jon and I do not see housework as a chore. We do it cheerfully, in order to make our home a place we all enjoy.
—Rue

Changing *another* paradigm!?
How can a family live together without requiring kids to do chores!?

Are you building relationships up or tearing them down?

Is this really necessary for unschooling!?
(No, but on the other hand…)

How to Make the Shift
How can one get from resentment and rigidity to an outpouring of love?
Too mushy? It happens.

Responses to someone who’s certain it’s crazy
“I want to SCREAM!” quoth she.

Modelling Joy
Goodness!
What is the purpose of making a cake?
How can we decide when to say yes, and what our part should be?

Service given freely as a gift
What about hired help?
“It seems unfair.”
Priorities

TRUE TALES
of kids helping voluntarily
Service
If that word makes you nervous, why?
Gratitude

I admit about the first 20 times I read this type of statement I found it inconceivable. But, gradually the concept penetrated my denial AND my thick skull, and I’m adjusting my attitude.
Thanks for the noodge,
Betsy
life
“I slept and dreamt that life was joy.
I awoke and saw that life was duty.
I acted and behold, duty was joy.”
-Rabindranath Tagore (1861-1941)

Living Better Without Requiring Chores

Kids blossom and get bigger from doing adult things because they want to, instead of kid-things they have to do because they’re small.

—Sandra

Jon and I do not see housework as a chore. We do it cheerfully, in order to make our home a place we all enjoy.
—Rue

Changing *another* paradigm!?
How can a family live together without requiring kids to do chores!?

Are you building relationships up or tearing them down?

Is this really necessary for unschooling!?
(No, but on the other hand…)

How to Make the Shift
How can one get from resentment and rigidity to an outpouring of love?
Too mushy? It happens.

Responses to someone who’s certain it’s crazy
“I want to SCREAM!” quoth she.

Modelling Joy
Goodness!
What is the purpose of making a cake?
How can we decide when to say yes, and what our part should be?

Service given freely as a gift
What about hired help?
“It seems unfair.”
Priorities

TRUE TALES
of kids helping voluntarily
Service
If that word makes you nervous, why?
Gratitude

I admit about the first 20 times I read this type of statement I found it inconceivable. But, gradually the concept penetrated my denial AND my thick skull, and I’m adjusting my attitude.
Thanks for the noodge,
Betsy
life
“I slept and dreamt that life was joy.
I awoke and saw that life was duty.
I acted and behold, duty was joy.”
-Rabindranath Tagore (1861-1941)

http://sandradodd.com/chores/

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 5:53pm
819: Daria says:

oops that didnt paste right, most of those are links

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 5:54pm
820: Daria says:

Feeling “taken advantage of”
This was sent by Schuyler Waynforth. It’s Deb Lewis, responding to an unknown questioner (known to Deb, maybe, but unknown to me —Sandra):
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] Re: I’m feeling “taken advantage of”

I initially used the strategy of a lot of “huffing and puffing” to try to make sure they realised I was the poor person having to do all the work and it wasn’t fair……. lol.

It’s good you’re getting past that but you’re probably still giving them the vibe if you’re feeling resentful and overwhelmed. If you make housework seem like a pain in the ass they’d be pretty stupid to jump right in and do it, don’t you think? You don’t want a bunch of stupid kids, do you?
Are you pretty good at setting priorities or when you look around to you feel like you have to clean up everything? Pick one thing and do it and then pick something else. Start with the thing that will most lift your stress or your husband’s stress. Let the other stuff wait until you get to it. Feeling overwhelmed often has more to do with our own unrealistic expectation than it does our actual work load.

they happily leave their dirty plates etc lying wherever they used them
They’re not happily making a mess so that you have to clean. They’re happy, and they don’t think about the mess. There’s a difference and if you can see it it will help your attitude. Remember, you’re the one setting the standard for clean, not them. You can’t make them want to help you but you can adjust your standard and your attitude.
It just feels really unfair to me, to be standing in the kitchen late at night, surrounded by cockroach-attracting mess, watching the kids play the xbox or watch TV, while I do all the cleaning up,
I don’t live where cockroaches are a problem but do you really have to do all the dishes to make sure you don’t get cockroaches?
Can you rinse the dishes and stack them in orderly piles and do the few that people might need first thing in the morning? I sometimes just do the dishes we’ll really need and leave the rest for a more convenient time.
I fill the dish pan with hot soapy water when dinner is ready and as each of us finishes eating it’s easy to just swish our plates and flatware clean. Maybe you could try that. Nobody has to do all the dishes, just his own stuff and you have fewer dishes. If you keep your dish pan full of water you can wash one or two things when you get a minute.
Can you get a dishwasher? Craig’s list or Freecycle might be a place to look if you can’t afford a new one.
Can you serve dinner right from the stove, right out of the cooking pans so you don’t have serving dishes to wash?
When a cook pan is emptied put it in the dishpan to soak while you eat.
One night a week you could use paper plates, give yourself a break.
(I stand in the store, in front of the paper plates, and finally decide to buy the plastic ones because I can wash those and use them again! Yes, I’m really that stupid!)

I wrote once before about how dish washing has come to be my mental health moment. I light a candle, I make some tea or pour a glass of wine, turn on some music, (life support!) take off my shoes, and do just the dishes I want to do. I use dish soap that smells great -LOVE that hot water…sigh. I never start out feeling like I *have to* do *all* the dishes. I think how I want to have clean dishes and do however many I feel like doing. I dance around a little. I plan my garden. I save the world. It’s never just about doing dishes.

So if you like to listen to audio books or watch movies figure a way to do that while you do dishes.

It just feels really unfair to me,
It’s not unfair it’s life. People are messy. You knew that right? Houses get dirty. That’s how it is for everyone, not just you. We’re all cleaning too! Some of us are just sickeningly well adjusted. You’ll get there.
You can ask for help. Remember if a thing feels like too much for you it’s probably too much for someone else. Ask one person to do one thing when they have time. “Next one who goes upstairs please take the laundry basket.”

Figure out what would help you the most and make the changes to make it happen. Maybe that means putting a garbage can in every room, having baskets or bins to chuck stuff into, having a container of those premoistened cleaning wipes in every room. Get a Roomba and let it go. Cook enough for two meals one night so you don’t have to cook the next night, etc. Joyce recommended a pizza night so you don’t have to cook. You could have sandwich night and everyone can eat off paper towels.

Woody Allen said, “The talent for being happy is appreciating and liking what you have instead of what you don’t have.” You don’t have a bunch of kids who are interested in helping around the house right now but you do have a bunch of happy kids. : )

Deb Lewis

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 5:55pm
821: LILI 41 says:

Awww Lizka.

It makes me melt to be able to warm someone’s heart like that.
Thanks for acknowledging.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 5:57pm
822: Daria says:

i feel put off from some of the unschooling forums now because

although they have excellent paradigm shifts,

tehy seem to be kinda “slammy’ like i know better than you

and talk about this NOT being a suport (for the not ready) as if that will hurt – diff rom rori

also not talk about masc fem energy

tehy got mad aout me talking about ‘authentic’ and didnt want to hear when i explained

also they dont like manifestign whihc i like

other than that awesome stuf fon there

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 5:57pm
823: Brenda says:

With CO, I decided I will combat an email only relationship by only responding to 2 or 3 emails a day, thus avoiding a conversation. Plus I’ll not respond at all when I don’t feel anything to respond.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 5:57pm
824: lk says:

awwww

thanks for all the information Daria : ))))

i feel flooded with Solutions instead of Problems

& now i’m imagining saying to kids that i know, “oh, Little Girl, i feel so Tired right now & Frustrated about the dishes. i want to have the kitchen clean tonight so that breakfast tomorrow is easy… i can clean the dishes, but it would feel so good for you to help me bring the dishes on the table into the sink. what do you think, little girl ? ” & i imagine her wanting to help me & feeling Strong & Powerful & Loving & Happy & Active & Communal : ))))

awwwww i feel loving & easy now : )

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 5:59pm
825: lk says:

“If you make housework seem like a pain in the ass they’d be pretty stupid to jump right in and do it, don’t you think? You don’t want a bunch of stupid kids, do you?”

LOL i love it

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 6:00pm
826: Luzydel says:

I feel nostalgic… Like crying; feeling hope, Being grateful, mad, sad, happy….

I have been through so much self discovery, I have found “the One” inside me… I want to share it with some one, I don’t need to, but I want to…

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 6:01pm
827: lk says:

@T-Girl 816

LOL : ) but i love trannies : ) so much fun to think about…. hm i love it !

male, female play – identification – physical & emotional…. such powerful questions !

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 6:03pm
828: T-Girl says:

826 LK, lol….

Debating on changing

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 6:05pm
829: lk says:

omg though, after google-image searching, i do feel like sending a brief

heyyyy transgendered ladies : ) i really think bangs are not the best look for most people

lol i feel a little Betchy (like, california Mean Girl) but seriously, long hair is SO pretty & bangs look kinda weird on most transgendered women in my opinion. possibly because some are wearing wigs & the parts on wigs send up a Tranny Red Flag for me

whoa i feel like i’m being insensitive or something but i really am just talking. i like dressing up like a man sometimes & acting manly. though it’s not sexual, but just has to do with honoring that part of my identity.

ok, anyway… sigh.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 6:09pm
830: sunshine says:

I feel so anxious and worried, I feel uncomfortable I feel paranoid and angry about my situation. I feel a tingly in my stomach and its like lava that oozes its way up to my throat and when it passes through my chest, it starts to vibrate and then tingle in my throatI feel fear. I feel frustrated because I feel so attached to someone even if i try to lean back I still put so much energy in thinking of him to compensate I wonder about him and what he thinks. he DOESNT want me hes made it clear so I just feel stuck. I feel annoyed at him for the actions that have lead to my confusion. i feel angry and frustrated and annoyed and highly confused.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 6:12pm
831: Daria says:

ok im feeling disappointed 6 pm man hasnt called, and guy i put off till 9 pm hasnt eitehr

im ready to go out

i didnt do any of the stuff… hair removal nail cutting, nail painting

sometimes it takes a year till i get around to that hmmm

love to me

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 6:22pm
832: lk says:

@Sunshine 829

oh i really “feel” you, lady.

i think we’ve all been there. i think that’s what brings us to Rori.

i want to say that it’s hard, but blaming the man won’t help. it may help to think, well, poor boy, he is just a boy & i am a woman & i need a Real Man… i hope he Grows Up so he can some day have a Woman… & pour love on him in your memory.

the Boy who really messed me up…… dxmn. he told me so many lies & “tricked” me all the time… lol. like told me he loved me, etc. etc. he acted “perfect” took me out, brought me food at work, whatever.

but when i said i wanted Exclusivity, he told me he wasn’t ready for a Serious Relationship (lol, he’s 36 – poor boy ! )

& anyway, took only 3 or 4 weeks to totally realize he wasn’t my guy.

took only 6-8 weeks to date others.

took only 14 weeks to find someone Amazing.

& just today i was talking to him & he was agonizing over all these horrible things happening in his life, & he said to me in the most piteous voice, “I think this is all happening to me because i’m such an asshole to everyone in my life”

& i couldn’t help but smile & say, “well maybe you are learning” : ) i certainly hope he is. someday possibly he will have a healthy relationship, but there really are men out there who aren’t ready yet – they are actually still little boys.

please take heart, take deep breaths, & try to make YOURSELF feel better. trust, your emotional health is not tied to this boyman : )

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 6:23pm
833: lk says:

i wish CD had a cell phone. sigh. i know he’s out with BusinessMan & Buddy right now…. but i want to hear his sweet voice. i feel a little sad but it would feel nice for him to call me even after i’ve gone to bed : )))

i want to sleep early to accommodate early waking for yoga practice

awww & now i’m back thinking, what are the differences between Boys & Men ?

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 6:28pm
834: lk says:

i feel scared like, Oh me + Daria = empty blog

LOL

what, are the sirens scared ?

lol my b, my b

just joking with you guys : )

but sometimes i do feel like…… well, try & stop me if you don’t think this is what i should be doing !

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 6:30pm
835: Daria says:

hmm should i call that 9 pm guy and hurry him up?

that is leaning forward but ….

ok i know it will probably feel gooder to wait…
hmm

ok

maybe i will even …. ok i wont shave my legs and cut my nails and paintem then

hmmm

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 6:34pm
836: Lucy says:

Hi everyone! In keeping with Rori’s article at the top of page, I would like some input on how to express non-blaming feeling messages when it seems like someone is blaming/criticizing/making you wrong.

“I don’t want to be criticized/blamed/made wrong” seems to “accuse” the other person of doing those things . . . and maybe they ARE doing them, but they believe they are not, and they don’t want to be told that they are.

So, any suggestions? Thanks!

I skimmed through some comments on this thread . . . saw some familiar names . . . . Hi Brenda, Daria, Mel . . .

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 6:34pm
837: Lucy says:

Hi everyone! In keeping with Rori’s article at the top of page, I would like some input on how to express non-blaming feeling messages when it seems like someone is blaming/criticizing/making you wrong.

“I don’t want to be criticized/blamed/made wrong” seems to “accuse” the other person of doing those things . . . and maybe they ARE doing them, but they believe they are not, and they don’t want to be told that they are.

So, any suggestions? Thanks!

I skimmed through some comments on this thread . . . saw some familiar names . . . . Hi Brenda, Daria, Mel . . .

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 6:34pm
838: lk says:

Oh, i told CDcd about this blog : )

because he got on my computer & i was like…eek! & so later i was like, well, do you know i keep my daily diary on a public blog ? & i feel nervous when you go on my computer, like you’re going to Find Me Out

& he said, oh, no. i don’t want to read your private writings. those are for you & i wouldn’t want to know.

: )

& i said, maybe later you could read them. they might be interesting to you : )

& he said, if you wanted to share, i’d love to read anything you wrote.

: ) amazing man.

& then i was saying, yes & i have friends on the blog ! like real friends, with email addresses & phone numbers… : ) & i was saying, there is one girl, Starla, who lives in Denver & blah blah blah & we should go on a double date with her !

& he was like NO.

& i said, really ? why not ???

but then i got that he thought i meant me & Starla on a date with him LOL & i LOVE that he said no.

when he got that i meant me with him & her with her man, he was all smiles again & Yes, Yes, whatever you want : )

ohhhhh i feel happy that my man doesn’t want to bone starla lol

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 6:34pm
839: lk says:

@Lucy 836

hmmmm

maybe you could say,

Wow, that feels really bad to hear…. i feel all Wrong…. & i don’t want to feel that way……. i want to feel like i can do things my own way without being afraid of being Wrong or held up to Scrutiny….. i know everyone makes mistakes, but i want to feel easy about my mistakes & open to learning from them… what do you think ?

another thing is maybe if someone says RAWR you did things the Wrong Bad way ! BLAHHHH

you could say, ohhh, haha, yes, i can see why you think that….. i feel ok about the way i did it. maybe next time i want to do it this other way, what do you think?

1 thing is that usually when i Hear people blaming me, it means i’m Blaming Myself : (

so maybe see if you feel guilty on your own & if you can heal the guilt before addressing it with the other person ?

: )

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 6:39pm
840: lk says:

i’d call him, Daria – just to check in maybe ?

i don’t know. i’m awful at restraining my phone-self. & i’m so used to calling male friends that i literally don’t think twice about it usually. grr. be easy, lk.

SO EXCITED to sleep tonight lol… : )

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 6:43pm
841: Lolita says:

lk 832: I heard a male dating coach on a video say that the difference between boys and men is that when you look them straight in the eyes during a date (across from them, like at diner) the buys look down but the men will hold your gaze. Gotta try that next time with M.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 6:46pm
842: lk says:

i have this tiny little silver box & it was just returned to me after being lost for about 15 years.

it is about 3/4″ by 1″ & has tiny etchings on the top & tiny latch & hinges.

for some reason, each time i see it now, i think it is a Gift For CDcd.

hmmmm

i remember buying it when i was really small. maybe 5 years old. maybe younger, actually.

money has always meant Art to me. like, money is for buying art. you have to use it sometimes if you need food or water because it works for that too but it’s mostly for Buying & Making Art.

i love myself.

i’m so interested to see how this tiny treasure of mine ( i remember it cost $50 when that seemed like A Million ) will be a Gift For CDcd….

like, what in the bejeezus would he want with this tiny kitschy artifact ?

right now, i have it sitting with my fetish animals since it is from their Land. hopefully they can give me guidance.

the dolphin i found today in my coat pocket. she’s been there since the holidays. sad i didn’t notice or miss her… wonder if that has anything to do with my dream-less state… but no, lk. that’s superstitious. you know the fetish animals have nothing to do with your dreams. in fact, i’ve had a rare few dreams since they came here & honestly that i can remember all those kind of dreams have happened in beds away from the animals. but i know that isn’t a True Thought – more an Excuse : )

i love myself & my dreams.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 6:50pm
843: Memulo says:

I never call before a date if they are not contacting me. Most of the time they do show up later. The ones that contact you after 3pm for an evening date turn out to be bad anyway lol. It feels very frustrating and rude to not know the plan, but better to see what a guy is all about. Sometimes when they do call late I just don’t return a call and don’t see them.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 6:51pm
844: Daria says:

mmm ok i kinda wanna do the 3rd chakra thing now…

mmm ok u kno what i di

i went an d washedup a lil and changed my shirt

then did some eft on anxiety about these men

and now feeling much calmer

just did an “eye ladder’ on this remaining anxiety

ha feeling all in tune now!

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 6:53pm
845: Daria says:

Memulo – feels scary to post this… it felt comfortable and soothed to read your post except for the ‘rude’ part, that is a judgemetnt not a faeeling…

it does feel frustrating

and i guess if i thought it was rude (which i oftne do wind up thinking that ) then id feel turned off and angry

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 6:55pm
846: Daria says:

ps i am also on board with you totally i do the same about dates

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 6:56pm
847: lk says:

I feel agreeing with Memulo

BUT !

i say if you do want to go out, & you want them to take you out, just call & say, hey where are you ? let’s go out !

& then when you’re out, you don’t have any “obligation” or “loyalty” to the guy who invited you & you can CD at will & let men get your number, etc.

at that point, the other person is just your Driver. & of course if you had an Official Driver, you’d call them when you wanted to be Picked Up : )))

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 6:56pm
848: Lizka says:

I think I feel sad and a little lonely…

Lately I was all smily and whatever, no one is steping up so what? I have ME, I can take care of me, I enjoy taking care of me, me me me…

And for 2 or 3 days, I feel more and more often little moments of loneliness. Like why are they all poofing at the same time? Why no one is calling me since I’m back from vacation? It’s gonna be one week tomorrow that I am back… and no one had call me. I feel ashamed to admit it.

Even with my friends I feel that I’m the only one leaning foward. And I feel that if I don’t lean foward with my girl friends, I will be alone all the time.

With P, I’m still leaning back. But I’m thinking more and more about texting him about the stupid soup receipe. Not expecting anything. But just to see… I know everyone suggest I don’t, but I feel so lonely. I need to find out if there is still some interest…

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 6:57pm
849: Daria says:

lk – i dont even call (most) of my male friends anymore

i tried to be friend with guyfriend CD but now he turned into one of my faves CDs oops lol

i like how it feels to not call guys but

the only reason i want to acll this guy is to contorl the situation and have him come NOW not, to check in really

except now im writing but im feeling rusehd cuz i actualy want to turn on my 3rd chakra video

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 6:58pm
850: Memulo says:

Daria, why does it feel scary to post?

Yes, with CD’s like this I feel exposed to rudeness, almost like undressed.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 6:59pm
851: Lizka says:

And Laughing CD? I find it weird that he is not calling and I am making up excuses for him. The day before I left from vacation, we went for lunch (our first date after 5 years of not talking). After the lunch, he sent the cute message ” Thank you for your charming prescence. [smile] We’ll do it again after you come back”. And I came back. And after a few days, I felt impatient and leaned a little foward and sent “Happy New Year. I am back and I feel so good and serene after my vacation under the sun”. He replied very fast with an happy new year and that he was jealous looking at my pictures on Facebook. I didn’t reply because I thought it was good to leave him the last word but I think I should have reply something because since that (this was 2 days ago), nothing…

Well, when I think of it, two days is kind of nothing… we just spent 5 years of not talking. Lol

Yeah take it easy Lizka…

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 6:59pm
852: Daria says:

Lucy – whoa im feeling defensive…

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 7:00pm
853: Daria says:

what are you really feeling? mad? scared? sad

all of those?

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 7:00pm
854: lk says:

tomorrow i’m going to eat lots of lettuce

i wish someone else would clean my house, but i realized that it only has to be clean enough for me – no one else & that feels happy & free.

CDcd cleans up after me, but i strongly suspect that that would change if we lived together. LOL how annoying to clean up after someone else !

i realized he did my dishes the other day… like, he packed me food, i brought him back the dirty tupperware, & he cleaned the dishes & packed them up with fresh food.

i feel like yelling at myself, LK you’re a bxtch ! you can’t be bothered to simply clean the tupperware ?! & he makes you food & makes sure you’re all content ? what is your deal ??????? but i’ll try to remember to thank him next time i see him. & also take him all his tupperware ALREADY CLEAN you silly axshole.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 7:00pm
855: Daria says:

Memulo – it felt scary because i judge myself for nitpicking and also correcting people or sharing stuff without being asked

i want to heal this

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 7:02pm
856: Lucy says:

Thank you Lk and Daria. Yes I feel defensive when it happens, and also mad and sad and scared (afraid it will keep happening and i will keep feeling bad).

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 7:03pm
857: Daria says:

lk that feles bad i feel glad he cleaned your tupperware dont want to read about you beaint self up then my self thinks it means i have to beat my own self
nooo i dnot want that

dno beating self up totally deserving yes its even better yes love to me

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 7:03pm
858: Lucy says:

Hmm maybe i also feel disconnected… if that’s a feeling

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 7:04pm
859: Memulo says:

Lizka, please don’t text P lol.

A few days ago I was busy to talk on the phone with a CD and he texted – no worries, speak later, but after a couple of days I thought – not even to check if there’s interest! – but to make sure he is not offended. I texted something simple and light, and the moment I hit send I didn’t feel good. It’s like before I felt that an uncertainty and attraction was building up, but with my text it was all gone and I had to start from start. Let him wonder what you are doing, he doesn’t need a reminder that you are around Better to go online and find new CD’s to talk to, really.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 7:04pm
860: Lucy says:

maybe even lonely

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 7:05pm
861: lk says:

@ Lizka

i get that way sometimes too. but sometimes the universe just sends us isolation & it truly is a very special gift : )

& also, a couple months ago, my exBF of 3 years, from college, called me & was like, Oh baby i miss you let’s get back together whatever whatever & i was like, ok well feel free to call me, pursue me, etc. but i’m looking for a husband & he was like YEAH & emailed & called & then…. Radio Silence.

when men back off, let them. it’s WAY easier for you & they just aren’t ready for that. they don’t need encouragement.

@ Lolita

thank you, i’ll ponder that.. i’m still asking that question. it feels important & endless & also silly lol : )

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 7:07pm
862: Lucy says:

If I say “I feel defensive, mad, sad, scared, disconnected and lonely” . . . without expressing the context . .. he won’t know what I feel that way about. So how do I state the context of my feeling without accusing him?

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 7:08pm
863: lk says:

@Daria

thanks !

i don’t want to feel bad either : ( i just feel guilty because he woke up all early to make me food & he was probably surprised to open the bag & realize NOT ONLY did he have to make me coffee, breakfast, & lunch, but he had to do dishes too !

aww just feel sad because i was like, snoring in his bed lol dreaming of bunnies & flowers… reminds me of cinderella or something. makes me want to be extra good to him or something, like sxcking his dxck with him blind-folded lol, like over-functioning which feels bad to see a trigger for that….

anyway, yes, not beating myself up & thanking him & delivering clean tupperware this time will feel good : )

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 7:11pm
864: Memulo says:

Daria, I didn’t feel judged and I was the one sharing without being asked lol

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 7:12pm
865: Lolita says:

Daria 787: I feel I need to respond, I don’t feel I came accross well.

I have known these kids for 10 mths and they adore me. I have always been extremely respectful of them and obliging to their every wish, taking half a day just 3 weeks ago to bake a ‘bunny’ cake for one of them because he asked me too, cooking them what they like (sometimes 3 different dishes) and playing with them. A few weeks ago, I also got some face painting and painted all their faces to their choice. I actually could not possibly list all the things I have done for them. Everytime I am there they ask us to sleep over. I therefore certainly don’t feel I am trying to control them.

The issue here is that they are often sick, one has ADD (10 yr old) and they were just eating on candy all day and play video games. I agree that during a vacation, I should have left it alone. I brought up the issue because I am also very protective of my kid and he was not eating either and needs to put on weight. I just wanted to have them respect that I put so much effort in doing what they like and to at least sit down 5 full mins all together at the table (not easy). I understand kids are happiest when they are playing and the rest doesn’t really matter. I am actually very happy to do all these things for them. It was also very tense as they all had stomach flu during that vacation. If I could go back and do it differently, I would. I would have addressed it completey differently with my man.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 7:13pm
866: lk says:

all this writing about food reminds me that i still have enough food from him that i don’t have to do breakfast or lunch tomorrow.

i feel overjoyed & amazed about how easy he makes my life.

i also feel curious to see my bank account from the last month or so… i literally don’t think i’ve been to the grocery store, spending my own money, in at least a month. that’s cr8zy ! i wonder if i’m rich now lol : )

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 7:14pm
867: Lizka says:

Thank you Memulo…

I know it deep down inside me… Sometimes I just go crazy and want to lean foward big time.

I know how awful I would feel after pressing “send”. Thank you for reminding me.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 7:14pm
868: lk says:

wait, i asked this question earlier but i don’t think anyone answered me…

i have potatoes, & they are soft, but no eyes sprouted. can i eat them ?

i feel afraid of cutting into them in case they are gray inside o_0 & btw is “grey” really an incorrect spelling ? i feel foreign

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 7:17pm
869: Lolita says:

Lizka, I would not text P, you will only feel worse after.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 7:18pm
870: Lizka says:

I feel really judgemental with men I see online. I’m trying to be open but it’s hard. I try very very hard, but talking with a guy that is not my type feels bad and I don’t find fun. I try to switch my vibe. Ahh I feel awfull and complain-y

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 7:19pm
871: Memulo says:

LK I wouldn’t eat them, do you have to? grey=gray, both spellings are accepted.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 7:19pm
872: Memulo says:

Lizka, perhaps another perspective is to forgive yourself and only talk to people that feel like fun?

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 7:21pm
873: Daria says:

Lucy – can you give an example?

also its ok if he doesnt know right away what youre tlking about… soemtimes that gives an easy way to sahre how youre feeling again…

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 7:22pm
874: lk says:

@Memulo 871

lol no i don’t have to, praise the world.

thank you for your answer… i think they’re probably tiny toxic bombs. i literally think i’ve had them since September or something. possibly August.

… now i’m wondering, can i throw them in a normal garbage or do i need to find hazardous waste disposal LOL

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 7:22pm
875: Daria says:

yay i did my 3rd chakra tapping!

i feel smily!!!

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 7:22pm
876: lk says:

@Lizka

i would only want to message with men that feel good to talk to : )

although occasionally corresponding with a Trigger-Fest man is Amazing Practice : ))))))

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 7:24pm
877: Daria says:

Lizka – ah yes such challenging practice…

are you taking the opp to practice feeling messages and dont wants onlly??

aslo are you sharing about feelign bored, uncomfortable, etc

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 7:24pm
878: Lizka says:

Thank you Lolita and lk for these advices. That’s all I needed. Feeling better now and feeling that I cam lean back a little more. Ouuuuuuf

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 7:25pm
879: Daria says:

Memulo – undressed sounds like vulnerable to me

i would notice wow i just thought of that guy as rude i want to heal that

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 7:27pm
880: lk says:

awwwww memulo i feel super-loved for you to ask me “do you have to ?” like, wow, how compassionate & inspiring. & now i’m invited into that space of compassion & i’m thinking of all the people in this world who would Find A Way to consume these bad potatoes because they are hungry & i feel like sobbing crying & feel amazed by you just asking me that. i can imagine that. i can imagine looking all through my house, like, what can i possibly eat ? what can i possibly feed the children ? wow i feel deeply rocked. i really feel moved & inspired & i feel powerful also like some big sharing thing in me has been super-awakened. past normal. past compassion. i’m curious to see what this feeling does for me in the next few days. thank you thank you thank you

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 7:28pm
881: Lizka says:

Daria –

I am practicing A LOT of feeling message but saying “I don’t feel comfortable because you are so not my type (and everything else I think when I see their picture) would sound a little… mean…

Maybe I should change site… Maybe it’s only this site that is like that… But I don’t want to pay for a dating site…. What works good in Canada, anyone knows?

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 7:29pm
882: Lucy says:

Daria – Sometimes he will say things like “If you had done/said such-and-such instead of what you did/said, this situation would have worked out better.” (the “situation” being a conflict of sorts between us… a difficulty or disconnect or misunderstanding)

It’s usually telling me that something I did or said would have been better said or done in a different way. . . . I think….

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 7:29pm
883: lk says:

i’m still scared of tapping.

daria, do you mind sharing with me something you feel about tapping ? like…. i “tap” on “things” or “feelings” or “sicknesses” but……………. i don’t know. do you think there has to be a “method” or a “procedure” or a “discipline” ???

i feel sad having someone have to tell me how to heal myself. like oh dumb lk what the eff have you been doing all this time in your body if you don’t know everything about it ?

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 7:30pm
884: Lizka says:

Ahh I feel so useless talking about how I meet men online.I don’t want to have to men online, I want to meet them in real life. It’s so much more easy. Even if they are not my type, I see their moves, their smile, their way of walking, their voice, and I can feel attracted anyway. I don’t like dating online. I feel mad at dating websites right now. Lol

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 7:31pm
885: Daria says:

Lucy – on one hand that is something to appreciate (his advice thoughts: thank you)

on the toher hand i feel kinda mad hearing that…

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 7:33pm
886: Lizka says:

Ok whatever. Not in a good mood tonight I guess. Don’t know what I’m still doing here anyway. Should be sleeping already if I don’t want to feel worst tomorrow.

Good bye sirens. Hope tomorrow is a better day for me and to all my siren-friends who were not feeling good either today.

xoxo

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 7:33pm
887: lk says:

& is the “tapping” localized to hands ? for some reason, i thought that official “tapping” was only hands & the areas were symbolic ?

i like that too. but i tap hips, solar-plexus, head, face, neck, arms, hands, bum, knees, shins, feet…..

what the ? i feel weird & like “stealing” or like “stolen from” when i think about “tapping” & i wonder why

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 7:33pm
888: Daria says:

wow thank you for your thouhts with how this can work out better.. and actually im feling kinda bad… and angry.. i don’t want to be told what to do here… i fel like im being blamed and made responsible for the whole thing… and that feels bad

i know im kinda sensitive about being told what to do… sorry for being so closed but this feels bad… what do you think?

something like that…

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 7:34pm
889: LILI 41 says:

881:

Lizka,

I’ve heard many success stories around our area on Match.com, including my brother and his live-in gf.

He plans to propose on Valentine’s day.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 7:35pm
890: lk says:

@Lucy

do you agree with him ?

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 7:36pm
891: Daria says:

lk – EFT tapping is on the acupressure points

inner eyebrow – outer eye – under eye… etc (google will come up with drawings)

it does for me make a diff to tap on the points

i hear you like its maybe stolen, like stolen from magic and brought in sicence lol

but it works and im brining it back

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 7:36pm
892: LILI 41 says:

Goodnight Lizka. xox

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 7:37pm
893: Daria says:

Lk – i think we can make up our own procedures.

some procedures work for me. the Margaret Lynch stuff i have REALLY works

i also havea couple youtube videos i can tap along with

on my won ive felt frustrated sometimes

i seem to have good resulst when i tap on both sides of things (‘icant ” ‘i can”)

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 7:39pm
894: Memulo says:

:)

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 7:39pm
895: Daria says:

Likzka – EXACTLY! Thats what the practice is for… you have to get comfortable with … saying the things that ‘sound mean’!!!

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 7:40pm
896: Lucy says:

Daria – That is helpful. I feel concerned about saying this part though “i feel like im being blamed and made responsible for the whole thing” – because isn’t that then blaming him for blaming me? I feel confused about that part of fm’s…..

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 7:40pm
897: Daria says:

lk u can throw them outside for the Goddess!!

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 7:41pm
898: Lolita says:

Good night Sirens, M did not call anyway… Tomorrow will be better. Feels bad to know he goes online and doesn’t even call. I am considering every possibility right now.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 7:42pm
899: Daria says:

Lucy – i feel resentful and defensive…

how about.. ‘hearing that i notice feel defensive resentful… i dont want to feel that way with you… i know im sensistive being told what to do sorry about being so touchy about this… what do you think?’

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 7:43pm
900: Lucy says:

One thing that happened… I don’t remember the details . . . but when we were having a little conflict, he said “I love you” and then I said “I love you” and I added something more about how I was feeling about the situation we were in (don’t recall what I said) and then he said something and soon we were in a yucky place again…. and then he said “When I said ‘I love you’ you should have just said ‘I love you’ back and stopped there.” It felt awful!!

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 7:43pm
901: Lucy says:

Thanks Daria. I’m not sure i feel good about judging myself as “touchy” though . . . what do you think? I appreciate your help!!

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 7:46pm
902: Daria says:

Lucy – you don’t have to blame him… you could just be sharing that from teh space of that is what you’re experineceing…

its not true that he’s blaming you anyway, even if it seems that wayand thats how youre eexperienceing it

what are you efeling then?

defensive resentful?

i dont see it as that – im feelikin like im being blamed – is blaming him… perhaps you should try it anyway to get free around being ‘allowed’ to express that?

and seeign that its ok and nothing ‘bad’happens

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 7:47pm
903: Daria says:

Lucy – in love scripts Rori teaches for us to take full responsiblity for any little thing we can

when a girl didnt want to do joint accounts, she was advised to say “i know im a control freak about money”

i think it really helps to soften resistnace

and ive been practicing it

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 7:48pm
904: Daria says:

Lucy – ouch! that feels bad. is what i wouldve said in the moment

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 7:49pm
905: lk says:

@Lucy 900

hmmm i have said to men, oh i don’t want to hear “should” like there is a right way & a wrong way… that feels bad to believe that & i want to just be open about how i feel & what i want…. i want to express myself & feel free in whatever energy i have at the moment.. i like to be open & free with a man & safe to express myself… what do you think ?

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 7:50pm
906: Lucy says:

OKay. Thank you! I am going to copy these ideas for future reference. I know I have a trigger around criticism and blame because I experienced it a lot with my mom . . . So, it’s a trigger of past stuff, yet he is actually saying words that don’t feel good in the present moment too . . . words that I suspect would feel bad even if they weren’t triggering the past…. So thanks. Hopefully we can work past this so it doesn’t keep happening and keep feeling bad.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 7:54pm
907: kayla says:

hello everyone, i went to the doctor yesterday and they prescribed me antideppresants.. i don’t feel any better but i also wasn’t expecting to.. i have only taken 2 of them so far and this morning i was feeling some of the side effects bad (tiredness dizziness nausea and anxiety) i slept it off but when i woke up i still felt very depressed…

i feel one of the reasons i feel so depressed is because… well i find it very hard to have faith that some of rori’s tools work… like not chasing a man.. for ex: i was watching an episode of teen mom 2.. kiefer leaves jennelle and jennelle makes a complete fool out of herself by chasing down the car that he’s in and screaming and crying to him… and then in the previews to the next episode it shows kiefer telling jennelle that he thought he could leave her but he couldn’t. and then he asks for her back. what’s up with that??? i have been seeing a lot of things like this lately and i feel like men see me as weird because i do things a lot differently than most

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 7:56pm
908: lk says:

i remembered a dream i had last night about telling someone “oh, actually in this house we only have water” & i felt sad because they wanted something else & i only had water. cold water, neutral water, hot water. those were the options in “This House” hmmmm i wonder what that’s about ?

& my friend, his ex-fiance, i saw a letter from her last night, folded so i couldn’t read it all & Femininewoman saying, “oh, she’s too young. she’s WAY too young.”

weird dreams lk. good girl for remembering them.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 7:57pm
909: tenny says:

@ Memulo #859

” It’s like before I felt that an uncertainty and attraction was building up, but with my text it was all gone and I had to start from start. Let him wonder what you are doing, he doesn’t need a reminder that you are around Better to go online and find new CD’s to talk to, really.”

Wow, that was so wise, beautiful and true!!!

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 7:58pm
910: lk says:

dxmn. i feel angry !

i was feeling all cool because i just got my first credit card & got the balance & it was like half what i thought it would be… but then i noticed that an Annual Fee had been charged !!! going back through my paperwork, i see that i agreed to No Annual Fee

i feel Angry & Validated that no matter what bank i go to, the fxckers are out to get me.

oh well. i’ll go tomorrow to make a deposit & i’ll let them know what’s up.

i have my paperwork, bxtches. what the EFF. you think i’m dumb ? like i won’t notice that you charged me a fee that is about 25% of my total bill ?????? y’all be some mixed up mxtherfxckers is all i’m sayin’

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 8:04pm
911: tenny says:

@ Lolita #841

” I heard a male dating coach on a video say that the difference between boys and men is that when you look them straight in the eyes during a date (across from them, like at diner) the buys look down but the men will hold your gaze.”

Grown men hold your gaze and lean in towards you! It’s thrilling!!!

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 8:05pm
912: LILI 41 says:

907:

Hi Kayla,

They take a couple of weeks to kick in.

I took them for 3 or 4 years and stopped 7 years ago.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 8:17pm
913: lk says:

aw wow i feel super healed right now realizing i’m not waiting for CDcd to call & i don’t feel weird if he doesn’t call today. not even if he doesn’t call until tomorrow night ! wow i’m FREE !!!!!!! lol i feel trusting & easy & not scared. i feel amazed by these feelings.

only.. lol… i’d feel triggered if he didn’t call tomorrow night, as we have date plans without pick-up arranged for Friday : ) but that would be his loss & also we have plans saturday, sunday, monday, so no sweat : )

ah, lk, congratulations sweet girl ! you are not mean anymore or demanding or scary !

& i see how Calling A Man without an agenda is a Gift, but Calling A Man & getting mad about not picking up or not calling back is a Punishment

i feel open to being flexible about my definitions of Leaning Forward, Leaning Back, Giving & Receiving

also, i see how Not Calling can even be leaning forward if the Expectation is there… & thus there is a Hole or a Debt in the relationship caused by Expectation. whereas Not Calling with No Expectation is is leaning back & a gift of Plenty & Abundance because it’s soft & easy

ah he is calling : )

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 8:17pm
914: Starla says:

lolita 784
present for you
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j_5ugFLpdt4&NR=1&feature=fvwp

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 8:19pm
915: tenny says:

My friend said “you seem so much happier now.” I was shocked!!!! I thought I was happy when I was with my ex . . . but now, life is real and my feelings are genuine, and I’m having the ride of my life. Thank you me, thank you Rori, thank you Sirens!!!

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 8:19pm
916: kayla says:

women i feel like every day i see more and more women who are so unsireny, and clingy, and that chase men, having better relationships than me.. i feel like men think i don’t care because i never put forth any effort into any of my relationships and so they quit trying thinking well if she doesn’t try well i’m not going to either… i feel like men think that if there was a relationship with me it would be a burden because i have too many boundaries and rules.. like he always has to be the one to initiate contact first,he has to make the first move,he has to pursue me and win me over… i stated my boundaries to dylan but he quit trying for me and so have a lot of other men… i feel like if i keep doing this every man is just going to walk away to find a girl that tries a little bit harder to show she cares. i think this is a big reason i haven’t been able to feel any better lately,because of this mindset… but i have no idea how to change this mindset and convince myself otherwise.. i feel like i need some

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 8:20pm
917: kayla says:

reasurrance that this stuff actually works and right now i’m just not getting it.. is there anybody else who has been through this and got passed it??? i feel like it’s really holding me back… any advice is welcome. i had to post this in 3 different comments because it wouldn’t all fit in one so please make sure you go back and read all 3 posts..
thank you!
kayla<3

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 8:27pm
918: Lucy says:

Hi Kayla. In my experience, Rori’s tools work VERY well. Along with Leaning Back, it’s really important to also be warm and open and inviting and express appreciation for everything a man does and says that feels good or is a step in the right direction of what you want in a relationship.

The tools have been great for finding and growing my relationship. I am not on the blog as much any more, but I came back tonight for some help in applying the tools to a specific situation I am struggling with right now. . . . because I know the tools work!

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 8:35pm
919: lk says:

@Kayla

913? lol i feel like it works : )

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 8:36pm
920: kayla says:

i think they work to because i have seen them work but lately they haven’t been working..

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 8:47pm
921: Tiffany says:

You know, I just have to say. I felt weird and singled out that one time, when I wrote a post about something (I don’t even remember what now), and FW responded saying that I write “very long posts.”

But I don’t understand how that is different from anyone else here. We all write “very long posts” sometimes.

Sometimes I just scroll through the riffing that people are doing for who knows how long. and sometimes I stop and read a long story someone has written.

It’s a free country, and it’s a free blog, and we are all free to write long posts here if we want to, FW. Even me. Even you.

And I’m going to write long posts sometimes so…deal with it!

Thank you.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 8:51pm
922: Starla says:

hi ladies,
i felt happy and cool to see CF, until i told him that i was feeling scared earlier to ask him for a ride, and he said he was scared to say yes because of blah blah blah all this complicated stuff about whether he was wasting gas or could afford the gas.

and it felt so bad and uncomfortable to hear!!!

i told him in feeling messages that i know money is important and all that and it feels good that he’ll tell me almost everything, but hearing it felt like i was a burden or a problem, and i would feel better to trust he’d just say no if he couldn’t pick me up, because otherwise i’m the type of person who will wonder if i’m putting him out or taking too much from him, and it feels horrible and i’m already struggling with feeling safe to ask for things. and he said he would never bring that up again, and that it was no problem to pick me up, and that he’s sorry for laying all that on me.

and then i still felt really bad. because i feel unworthy asking men for things. and afraid that now that i’ve slept with him, he’s going to put me lower on his priority list. because i’ve been through this before with other guys, and i’ve NEVER had someone i could just ask for things and expect to usually hear a yes from them… it’s all very triggering and scary.

so i told him i feel pretty bad still, and that sometimes when i feel bad i have a hard time unsticking myself from feeling bad even when the bad situation has passed. so he tried to comfort me but i felt worse and worse…feeling so unworthy and thinking of all the times i felt unworthy asking for things with guys. and it all just sat in me so heavy…

so i told him how i was feeling. and i told him about what i’ve been through. and i still felt bad and sad about it all. and so scared that CF was going to say “ok this is enough issues for me…bye forever Starla!”

but instead he said nice reassuring things and was very patient with me during my little freakout of sadness.

i get so scared when i feel sad around him. especially if it was just something small he did to trigger some big sadness that was already in me. because it’s just a ‘negative’ thing to put us through for our limited time together, and i feel like i’m f8cking it all up or something.

by the time he left i felt all better and wanted and cared for, but now that he’s gone, i feel insecure again. this keeps happening. i want things to be perfect. f8ck. so much pressure. please don’t leave me for having issues, CF =/

and that was my night. now i am working.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 8:52pm
923: sunshine says:

LK I felt really comforted by what you said when you said “weve all been there” thanks so much. When I read this blog I feel an excited even anxious feeling, I feel happy and like Im reading a secret because its so freakin deep and real. Ok so time to practice!
Its hard to express feelings for me at this level but Im practicing and saying it on little things:)Here are my baby step I feel messages I did today and feel proud of:)
“I feel ackward” – I told the dentist today when he asked if I was ok, btw why the heck do I have trouble saying this? haha like I want to show off my bravery and that Im strong…no way I told him this and he smiled and said he understood its part of it- I feel happy for saying it:)
“I feel comfortable where I live now but thank you”- my friend called and offered me a room in his house for rent…hello its a cute guy no way am I moving in but those feelings are too deep to express at the moment and I really meant it when I said I was comfortable:) I feel satisfied with what I said:)
k tomorrow off for more feeling message possibilities night everyone!
ok now I feel silly and embarrassed doesnt seem like alot of feeling messages…
keep working on it youll get there I love you! your such a sweetie hehe :0 haha I cant believe im sharing this!

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 8:57pm
924: Tiffany says:

In other news….

I sent K a “hugs” text this morning.

We talked last night about his “issue” that he told me about on Sunday. I get it. And I expressed how hurt I was by the news and how it made me feel. I didn’t want to be angry, or express anger at him, but I think I did, a little bit. I know I was only angry because I was hurt. And I didn’t want to “accuse” him of being untruthful, but the truth is, he lied – by omission. By not stating what was true. And in fact by saying things that indicated the opposite. I still feel sad to think about it…

Anyway, he apologized for hurting me, multiple times. I think he still wants to be with me. But he’s confused.

Holla to the man-cave girls!!

I so hear you on that – K is so in his man-cave right now. Thinking his thinks and feeling his feels, I guess. he was very communicative with me yesterday. And he said we should “keep talking about this.” But he hasn’t responded to me at all since last night.

I had actually written out a pretty long email to him, which was not blamey at all, just telling him how I felt and where I stand, and all of that. But then I didn’t want to force a big long email on him, if he wasn’t open to it. So I asked, and I haven’t heard back.

Then this morning is when I sent the “hugs.”

I don’t feel too lean-forwardy about that. He was doing “kisses” to me on the phone. And I wasn’t responding with kisses. I was confused. It felt like he was “breaking up” with me, and then he said he didn’t want to date anyone “seriously,” and then it felt like he wanted to kiss me and be with me. Which is why I really think this is just about him and how confused HE is – it is not about me, in any way. And he said that. But it’s so true…

Anyway, I felt I had a little room, or a little water from the Waterwheel to “give back.” And anyway, I was just expressing myself. I felt like I wanted to give him hugs. And so I did. I did that, and then I come back to my own space, take care of my own stuff….

Wait and see what happens….

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 9:02pm
925: Starla says:

I wonder how much of Kayla’s problems with leaning back are simply due to men at her age not realizing they are MEN yet, and are looking to BE a prince instead of finding their princess. I turned a lot of guys age 22-25 into masculine pursuers, but it was the first time they ever had to pursue, and even so, if they were any younger they wouldn’t have been masculine and confident enough just yet to pursue and feel interested in it.

but i’ve met guys who do pursue me at that age too…i just wasn’t interested because they’re so young and i’m not that young anymore.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 9:04pm
926: Tiffany says:

Starla – 922

That sounds nice! Tricky, but way to hold your own in the conversation.

It’s nice to read about how things are going with CF. I hope they continue that way!:)

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 9:07pm
927: lk says:

@Kayla

not sure if you saw, but in 913 i wrote a long riff about my feelings around Not Calling Men & then in my feeling of peace my Man called : )

he read me the poetry for all the days we’d “missed” of reading (even though we’d talked all those days & we’d already talked today… he’s reading me a book of daily poetry meditations for 2012 from my favorite poet) & at the end, HE thanked ME for talking with him. 45 min of bliss. saw him yesterday & will talk tomorrow & see him Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Monday. he makes everything super easy. plans every detail, drives me everywhere even though he lives over an hour away from me. plans every meal for me. makes sure i’m eating well & going to yoga & getting sleep. he wants to spend time with my parents & do romantic things for me. he wants to hear all my thoughts & thinks everything i do is amazing…

just wanted to clarify that i think leaning all the way back makes space in my life for only the Best Men. it clears out all the Junky Boys (no h8te : ) i do love the Boys) from my life who need me to Do Something For Them. good men don’t need or want you to Chase – in fact, it will scare them away : )

much love : )

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 9:07pm
928: Starla says:

yay

tiffany

i happen

to love

writing

really

really
really

really

long posts

(and

oddly enough

yall still read what i have to write most of the time.

thank you!!)

lol

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 9:07pm
929: Tiffany says:

re #925 – I agree. It could be an age thing. I think some younger guys aren’t “socialized” to pursue. They are “socialized” to sit and wait for the girls to flock to THEM. But I think they still have the “instinct” to pursue.

So I think you’re right, Starla. It’s up to us to be the sirens they want to run after. Because eventually, they will figure out that if they don’t, they won’t get to be with us!

(And they’ll forget about all those other girls flocking around them…;)

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 9:10pm
930: lk says:

@Tiffany 921

“You know, I just have to say. I felt weird and singled out that one time, when I wrote a post about something (I don’t even remember what now), and FW responded saying that I write ‘very long posts.’”

LOL … yeah, i riff super-long sometimes… : ) but i do legitimately remember for a couple days when you posted SUPER LONG posts with very minimal spacing so it was hard to read or respond : ) i think SLV & FW were just responding to the look of your posts, & in addition you were looking for responses from other sirens i think ?

riffing posts that are super long usually don’t invite much response …. i think…

anyway, just my random thoughts on that. i remember that your posts were long. though I know both daria & i have out-longed you occasionally : ) & i think spacing is of the utmost : )

love you, tiffany : )

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 9:11pm
931: Tiffany says:

@Starla – 928: Awesome

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 9:11pm
932: kayla says:

this is also the reason i find that i second guess myself.. i never know if what i’m doing is bringing a man closer or pushing him away… and lately it just seems that i am pushing them all away… i feel like i obsess over dylan a lot and it’s hard not to at the moment. i only have two other men going for me right now, they are both very sweet and i am opening my heart and accepting their love, but i just don’t feel attracted to either of them… also i am using all the same tools on them that i use on dylan, except they don’t seem to be working with him, the one guy that i actually do feel attraction for.. i know it would feel better to cd, but it’s hard to do that when there are no men leaning forward and there hasn’t been for a while.. ughh i need something turn this all around… i don’t feel certain if this is just a phase i’m going through or if this will last forever..i really hope this phase goes away

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 9:12pm
933: Starla says:

lk that’s nice that he lives an hour away… CF is going to move an hour away (i think…i don’t think he’s changing the plan) so if your guy can do it, so can mine, unless it turns out he can’t…:D

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 9:12pm
934: Daria says:

Kayla – went through that for a long time but everytime i stoped then i would want to go vack to using the tools even more… cuz once i require a lot it doesnt feel good to receive lesss
over time i see it was the men i was picking

and that many men do back away and i only want to choose out of the ones who dont… cuz they can and want to be there…

aslo as i got strong and comfortable in myself… more emen FELT IT and didnt leave whereas before i get the impression they mighrt have cuz i just seeme d to not be so sure of myself and my worhty

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 9:14pm
935: Daria says:

i caleld tha guy who wa supposed to see me at 9 but he didnt answer..
i called another guy who stood me up before and texted me and asked him to cmoe see me but hes at work

he wants to come friday but i feel unsure about making a plan with him as hes stood me up more than once… tho he does continue to consistenlty call and text and stuff

anyways

now i feel all kinda bummed

mayei ll do esoem EFT

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 9:17pm
936: Zara says:

625: Femininewoman says:
***April Rose we the women create the imaginary relationship. We mostly do that because we assume that we are in a relationship before the man asks for exclusivity and offers us what we want. We create the image in our minds and tend to act from that place.***

It’s not “we” the women. It is a people thing. Some people lock themselves into imaginary relationships. Men or women.

Dogs do that too.

Energy is beyond gender or even species.

Besides, a woman can be riding on a masculine energy and a man on a feminine energy. It is perfect, as long as they know what role they prefer to keep within a romantic relationship, feminine or masculine, so they can chose their energetic opposite.

It reminds me a man on a radio night show who called the psychologist running the show, to say that he felt used by a woman.
He said that he had met a woman on line, they had a one night sex and then she dumped him.
He complained he felt objectified.
I was deceived by the psychologist reaction. She had a personal reaction rather than a professional one. She let her stuff get in the way. Instead of treating his case as she always so delicately does with the many women crying for the same thing, she expressed her surprise. She kept saying :
“Well for a man to say he feels used by a one night stand!”
I was thinking “Come on, girl, that’s how he feels, final! Be compassionate with his feelings, don’t question them, and help him question his thoughts. He probably objectifies himself, he can’t see himself worthy enough to have given pleasure to a woman and even may be love that night, but he sees himself so weak that a woman can steal it from him. Even his body fluids are not safe on this planet, she ran away with them inside her and she vanished! He can’t trust anybody! He is telling you the whole problematic in his life here, wake up lady! That could be really interesting to work on. He locked himself in an instant imaginary relationship when he set a date with her. She was supposed to make him important in her life and to “keep” him for ever. He is telling you he is not important to himself and that he is using people, he does not own himself.”
But the lady on the radio was stuck saying ”I don’t understand, how can a man feel used by a one night stand? Did she pay her half for the date?”
looooooooooooool

The world is not ending in 2012… I know, coz we’ve still got a long way to go

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 9:18pm
937: lk says:

@Starla

“i get so scared when i feel sad around him. especially if it was just something small he did to trigger some big sadness that was already in me. ”

wow that’s amazing. i know that feeling & wanting everything to be “perfect” & feeling scared…

but you can “flip” it too : ) & know that he has things that are “already” in HIM & when you feel safe expressing things, he will feel safe expressing things & the relationship will GROW to be Perfect & Perfectly Safe : ))))

awwwww so much love for him being open about gas money & everything. he sounds AMAZING & like he wants to do anything to make you happy.. & also…… making Plans For The Future like you want… i feel like whispering this… might feel super scary to him.. because he sees you as a Queen… & he wants to Give You Everything… but he’s working hard as it is right now. i’d so trust him & also SUPER trust yourself. you’re strength is in knowing & acknowledging your weaknesses with grace & trust & beauty. aww i love you both.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 9:19pm
938: Tiffany says:

Well – so I write long posts? Big deal!

You don’t want to read it, you don’t have to.

I feel self-conscious of my long posts. I don’t intend for them to be long. I just start writing, and a lot comes out of me. So I let it out.

If i was publishing a book, sure, I would edit.

But here, I want to express.

I want to let all that stuff out because it wants to come out. I want it to be valued, because it’s ME.

I am TIRED of people telling me that I am wrong because of WHO I AM.

This is WHO I AM

I love my long posts with minimal spacing.

I love my dense paragraphs filled with thoughts and feelings. I love my blathering on and my stream-of-consciousness. I love it love it love it love it love it. Because it’s ME. So y’all can love it, too. Or not.

I don’t care!

I’m just saying – don’t single me out or separate me from the crowd as if I am the only one who does this. You ALL write very long posts, that I cannot always bear or have time to read. You use minimal spacing or you use a lot of spacing. You use full sentences or you invent your own grammar (*ahem* – lk!). I don’t care. What you write and how you write is what and how you write. That’s YOU. I don’t go around here on the blog, criticizing anyone’s style. And I am not here to “please” you or cater to your preferences.

I am here to write and freely express myself – as are all of you.

I want to uphold that freedom because it is here for all of us!

And yes, I WILL write a long post if I want to.

I don’t care what you say.

So

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 9:21pm
939: Starla says:

Kayla I definitely don’t think this is how it’ll be forever.

Also, I know you’re not attracted to the guys who do step up, but it will do you a LOT of good emotionally and psychologically to give them a chance. Receive their nice behavior and gestures. Let it become what you expect of all men. This is going to help you tremendously in the long run — it will help your vibe so you attract more attractive but GOOD men, and it will help you psychologically to disconnect from “pining” for certain guys, filling a void in you too. It’s extra important for someone who has been through a childhood like yours…it feels bad now but because you’re here on this blog you may actually avoid your twenties being full of terrible experiences with men.

this might not make much sense to you, but i am just glad you’re here…because trust me girl…without these tools to manage your feelings and self esteem and to relate to men in a sireny way that makes YOU the prize, someone with all that awful background noise constantly playing from their childhood/home life tends to end up in sh(tty relationships with guys who won’t be good partners to us, even if they seem like great guys in every other way

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 9:22pm
940: Daria says:

susnhing your feeling messages feel isnpiring and natural.. i actually felt comforted because i tell people i feel comfortable where i live well ive been saying it feels comfortable here so to hear someone else asay it it sounded so soft and warm and i felt happy and safe

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 9:23pm
941: lk says:

@Sunshine

“When I read this blog I feel an excited even anxious feeling, I feel happy and like Im reading a secret because its so freakin deep and real.”

YUM yes ! i remember reading this blog for months before i finally got the “guts” to post…. but that’s when i really got going on some amazing CDing & healing…

actually, i was so scared to post that for a couple days i tried riffing on a random twitter account ? yeah… not the same lol

it’s so nice to speak in a room full of women : )

magical, actually : )))

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 9:25pm
942: Tiffany says:

Gosh…now I feel so shut down that I don’t even want to share my story anymore…bluh.

I was all excited because I had more fun things I had to talk about.

Now I feel like everyone is just annoyed by how long my posts are. Sheesh.

That sucks.

I don’t like that feeling….

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 9:25pm
943: lk says:

@Tiffany

post away, lady !

i wouldn’t want to edit EVEN IF i was publishing a book !

: )

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 9:27pm
944: Starla says:

now i just want to lean forward and call CF because i dunno…because i feel lots of love for him and his patience with me.

but i already showed him love with a nice shoulder rub

i mean i rub his shoulders and hands all the time (i do it mindlessly…it helps me relieve stress ever since i quit smoking)

i dunno

when in doubt, lean back.

okay.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 9:31pm
945: lk says:

@Starla

i love your post to Kayla & i agree… it’s hard to get used to not Accepting Less from men than Stepping Up… it almost even feels icky, like they might be desperate… but that’s such a limiting belief & will lock a person into taking Crumbs from the High School Quarterback… while he’s bxnging all the cheerleaders behind your back…. lol ….. instead of Marrying the Good Guy On Honor Roll : )

&… CF is moving ? aw that will be really good & interesting for both of you… i feel curious & also super-intrusive asking if possibly he will be making more money ? i feel him really searching around for ways to make himself more Kingly so he can offer his Queen a Kingdom that he feels is Worthy of Her : )

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 9:31pm
946: lk says:

@Starla

i also love CF so much it makes me feel like crying lol

good men just… make me so happy that the tears come up in my chest & all through my body & i become a Tree of Love – extending roots & branches infinitely in all directions of tearful, fertile, life-giving LOVE : ) wow

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 9:33pm
947: lk says:

@Starla 944

awww i told CD i’d rub his shoulders next time i see him : ) i owe him 1 because i proposed a trade but fell asleep during mine lol… but i told him on the phone tonight that i was looking forward to rubbing his shoulders. it really does feel so loving & special to give comforting touch to a man who works so hard for us : )

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 9:35pm
948: lk says:

i must sleep now. yoga is coming closer to me every minute lol.

i’m so glad CD kept me on the phone because i always clean while he’s on the phone. it keeps me focused on him & then when i hang up, it’s like i “wake up” to a spotless apartment : ) yayyyyyy : ))))

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 9:37pm
949: lk says:

@Tiffany

“Now I feel like everyone is just annoyed by how long my posts are. Sheesh.”

LOL well…. if you think my post was me judging you or being annoyed….. i really urge you in the most loving way to take up my challenge:

SPAM THE BLOG SPAM THE BLOG SPAM THE BLOG

i’m committed to it with more passion than i’ve ever felt about anything in my life.

SPAM THE BLOG !

i want to write until my brain is dry, until my heart is quiet, until i don’t dream anymore, until my feelings for anyone bleed into my feelings for everyone & everything becomes so dispersed & diluted that nothing exists anymore except for peace & love

SPAM THE BLOG

i’m purging poison from my body.

i’m saying goodbye to quietness. i’m giving up desperation. i’m cutting out exclusion or judgments. i’m forgiving the past & forgetting the future.

i’m you !

i can do magic : ) i can bend spoons with my mind. i can teleport.

i can make men bend down on 1 knee & BEG to serve me for life in exchange for nothing.

i can fly. i can breathe underwater.

i can make children speak in tongues.

i can make dragons sleep.

ahhh this is really good & really healing & it feels like being born again & choosing a new path every second & changing destinies on a whim

i’m the stars & the sun wishes i would shine my love for just a moment on its cold face

there is no cold or dark anymore because i’m the painter & this is my palette & i’m taking my knife to blend them all together – not for the end result – just for the motion – the joining

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 9:44pm
950: lk says:

@Tiffany

” invent your own grammar (*ahem* – lk!) ”

I feel like TA DA !!!!!!!!!

BABY LK WINS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i invent my own grammar.

i wish my boss & my parents & my professors all knew about this AMAZING THING I DID : )))))))

ah i feel like crying happy : )

lol & tiffany, i wasn’t saying Change ! Stern Face blahhhhh do what i say i make Rules !!!!

i was just saying, SLV said (if i remember what you’re talking about…lol) that it was hard for her to read with no space between paragraphs but i certainly don’t care. my vision is BETTER THAN 20/20

so now i feel like dancing in circles in my White Dress with my Flower Crown chanting !!! chanting Shanti chanting We Can Get It Up ! chanting solstice magic & throwing myself crying into the dirt just for the peace & opening that comes after the Tears

YES i feel great & i feel amazed & in love

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 9:50pm
951: Starla says:

lk, thank you for your interest in my situation:) he is not moving to make more money, but to save a lot more money.

sweet dreams lady

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 9:53pm
952: Sun Goddess says:

It’s the middle of the night and I was sleeping but a text woke me up. It was from LP (who went silent since Sunday after he said I love you on the phone) and it says “Miss you”. Okay, normally I would instantly respond and say “miss you too”, but I want to be the ultimate Siren except I don’t know what she would do. Does she wait until morning to respond, does she not say anything at all remaining leaned back OR something different? What would you do?

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 9:53pm
953: lk says:

also, my breasts hurt : /

& CDcd saw me massaging them (for like the 90th time LOL – but at least this time wasn’t in public – LOL i kill myself) & i just go, ah my breasts feel sore : ( i’m going to rub them & i left & went in on the bed & finger-brushed my hair & rubbed my breasts & he came in to get me just as i was done like a psychic yogi, offering me my next medicine

bedtime

goodnight, ladies : )

i have SO MUCH love for this blog & these ladies… it’s unreal. i’m amazed & inspired & i hope i dream of you all tonight & learn something new…. : )

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 9:55pm
954: lk says:

Starla “to save a lot more money.” he loves you big time

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 9:56pm
955: lk says:

@Sun Goddess 952

i’d not ever respond, not even in the morning, & just use it for juice to make my dreams extra nice : ))))))))

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 9:57pm
956: Starla says:

i did lean forward…to say goodnight sweetdreams

he didn’t answer. i left a message that said goodnight, sweetdreams.

it’s the first time i ever did that, wow!

i feel okay.

umm that is all.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 9:57pm
957: lk says:

goodnight

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 9:58pm
958: Daria says:

mmm well im feeling HAPPY that i dont feel interested in T-man anymore. he started mini stepping up but not enough and i just feel bored

i think he feels pist at me that im not ‘giving’

and i jsut feel obred

like not even thinking of calling him when i get all anxious and lonely anymore

he was like my slast crutch cuz it was so concenient to go over there and get free weed and food and shelter and relax

and be complimented

but thats all it was and now i feel bored!!

yayyyy!!!

me!!

for usper high standartds

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 10:01pm
959: Sun Goddess says:

lk, that won’t push him away to not respond? What if he doesn’t know I appreciate those texts? Hmmm. So stuck on what to do.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 10:01pm
960: Daria says:

sun Godess : i suually say

or that feels good papi

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 10:04pm
961: Daria says:

or in case from a man i really liks mybe:

aww that feels sooo good to read

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 10:05pm
962: Sun Goddess says:

Daria, those feel more my style….but I’m thinking to wait til morning to respond at this point, no?

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 10:07pm
963: Daria says:

ps it wont push him away to not respond. if anything he’s likely to call faster

i miss you too miht push him away just a tiny bit but nothing to worry about

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 10:07pm
964: Daria says:

sun Goddess – you can respond when YOU want. i would respond now unless i felt tired and resentful to do it

waiting for no reason would be strategizing

instead you want to get in your body and see what you feel

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 10:09pm
965: Sun Goddess says:

You may be on to something “miss you too” must give him just enough to keep going so he doesn’t have to do any more. I’m going to sleep on what to do and decide later. Take that you sense of urgency!

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 10:11pm
966: Sun Goddess says:

Do you think it is a strategy if I am battling with urgency issues?

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 10:12pm
967: Sun Goddess says:

Oooo, and it just occurred to me that maybe I should let it go and not respond to give him the last word. Because he wouldn’t respond to me when I reply. What do you think?

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 10:14pm
968: siren song says:

Yes, liz, I feel curious about the clarivoyant lean back tool as well, if you feel like sharing it.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 10:17pm
969: Daria says:

Sun godess – nope, if you are battling urgency then that means you dont want to , so you dont want to. its to help you sink into your urgency, not to affect him

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 10:17pm
970: lk says:

@Sun Goddess

yes, i’d feel more peaceful to just not txt back…

when i saw him next & i was feeling melty i’d say… mmmm baby it felt so amazing to wake up in my sleepy state & see your sweet text to me.. it gave me amazing sweet dreams the rest of the night : )))

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 10:18pm
971: Daria says:

i think if you write oohhh papi that feels SOOO good to hear…
he will reply right away

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 10:18pm
972: Sun Goddess says:

Daria, just that and no I miss you too?

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 10:21pm
973: lk says:

wow, just caught myself doing some old pattern self-neglect & self-criticism

catch that ! don’t do that little baby! : ) thanks, lk for noticing : )

yummy body brushing now & then reading & then sleepy lk : )

trying to “Plan” my cycle on these birth control pills so i can bleed on the moon like normal…. feels stressful & Conniving lol but …. i can’t find Pennyroyal at any of these drug stores & neem oil smells like shxt lol

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 10:21pm
974: siren song says:

FW, your cd who said ‘meet me half way’ reminds me of the cd who was ‘frustrating’ me about a week ago. He’s since been stepping up a bit.

Anyhow, it awesome to hear about a siren holding her boundaries and expressing herself.

Just kind of lurking here tonight before bed.

Good night!!

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 10:22pm
975: Daria says:

Sun Goddess – yeah i think if you say i miss you too he will not respond. it will close off the attraction

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 10:25pm
976: Sun Goddess says:

Ok, I’ll report the results back.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 10:26pm
977: Daria says:

lk – i ordered Queen Anne’s Lace from starwest botanicals i think and used that and could tell it was ‘working’

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 10:27pm
978: lk says:

weird. looks like if i keep doing it normally then it will all line up ?

but i feel afraid to keep losing blood if the Placebo week is next week & i don’t stop bleeding (since my Badxss cycle took over this fake bxllshxt hormone therapy & came with the moon anyway…) i don’t want to bleed for more than my normal time. that feels scary.

well, i give myself permission to take a few days of the sugar pills & start doing normal if i keep losing blood.

ok go to bed PLEASE.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 10:30pm
979: lk says:

@Daria

oh, thank goodness. thanks for sharing that.

if anyone knows herbs that make a men less virile, that would be good too.

i could have a baby, though. i’m an adult & i love children. also, CD said when i asked him that it would be ok & very normal at our age to have a baby. that is really amazing. & also really scary !

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 10:32pm
980: Sun Goddess says:

Going to try to get back to sleep. Good night Sirens!

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 10:32pm
981: Brenda says:

Lucy,

RE: #837 – I miss you on the blog!!! And I will call you tomorrow about getting together again!!

How about, “I feel defensive, and I don’t want to feel that way with you.” or

“I’ve been learning a lot about inner healing and how to love myself, and I have felt such freedom in eliminating blame altogether! What do you think?”

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 10:42pm
982: Brenda says:

Last night Ryan and I were texting, and I was using voice recognition. We were discussing Sade, and when I said her music was “warm, soft, …” it came out as “caramel sauce” on voice recognition! So I added that to my description of her, that her music sounded like caramel sauce, LOL!

Must be I’m schooling my voice recognition to use feeling messages, too! And then I thought foods like that are a good way to enhance my feeling messages so they are creative and more meaningful than just words like, “good, warm, happy.”

Tonight I felt really twitterpated to see Ryan at the prayer meeting, and I thoroughly enjoyed holding his hand for 15-20 minutes as we stood in a circle holding hands praying as a group near the end.

I realized at every turn just how deeply ingrained my leaning forward habit is! I did good at first, as the meeting ended. He was talking to other people, so I stood at the edge of the room and talked to a couple people who walked up to me, while smiling silently at others, to practice my Siren Skills.

Then Ryan came over while this other guy, Chris, was making unfunny jokes about killing cats. I didn’t smile, and I told Chris directly that I find no humor in that, and I love cats. Chris is young and not too slick, and he joked about it about 4 more times. The second time, I reflexively gave him a mock punch in the chest. Just at that moment, Ryan came over, and I felt embarrassed. I don’t want Ryan to think I’m violent. I was quick to say, “Just kidding, sorry, I hope I didn’t hurt you, because I didn’t mean to.”

Chris continued to joke about killing cats, and I just looked away, looked down, silently and unsmiling.

A little later, Ryan put on his coat. He stood about ten feet away, saying, “Well, I’m going to get going. Bye!”

I forced myself to stand there and not walk to him or ask to go somewhere. He finally approached me and gave me a hug, saying, “I wanted to invite you to that bar again.”

I said, “That would feel nice!”

As soon as we got outside, he said, “That Chris was annoying you, wasn’t he?”

“You could tell, huh?” And that’s what I love about Ryan. He’s so sensitive to me and my feelings. He laughed about my fake punch.

As he was driving in the rain, he said he felt pretty unsafe even drinking one drink and driving in the rain. So we turned around and he dropped me off at my car. I felt disappointed, and yet I admire him for being so safety conscious.

So here I sit at 2 am, still feeling hot to trot and chatting with all of you to keep from texting him.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 11:00pm
983: Daria says:

uhoh! i leaned forward and called that guy who was suppose to come at 9 and then i leaned forward and calle d some other guy… and now i feel all opn to keep on doing it

i just called my brothers friend my other lil brother… he might come…

and im thinking about calling whats his name… ummm. sexycd

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 11:17pm
984: Daria says:

ok i did that too

im feeling bummed… even sad

but NOT desperate

yay

nice

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 11:24pm
985: Silver Moonbeam says:

#510 Brenda

Never mind, plenty more where CO came from, Rori is right they are like a river.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 11:40pm
986: Daria says:

you know i have a really hard time being honest when i think i will be attacked or ccri icized

love to me

Wednesday, 11 January 2012 @ 11:58pm
987: Daria says:

ok now im feeling quit e good working on my chakras

all of a sudden i was imagining my sister and im like… you know aht??
actually i can kick YOUR ass.

you think you’re a great fighter and you ARE, but i think i can whoop you girl im just saying

al

Thursday, 12 January 2012 @ 12:04am
988: Brenda says:

Daria,

Me too (986). It’s almost paralyzing emotionally at times.

I am finding many junctures where I feel emotionally paralyzed. I am learning to instantly recognize that as stuck energy.

Then I work to free it! But I m still not sure how to handle anticipating feeling attacked and criticized.

We want to feel good, you know? And just the thought of criticism and attack feels bad. So we tend to avoid it.

I’m still feeling my way as to how much is appropriate to share.

And I was just wearing a kitten on my head! A chinese fighting kitten that looks like a miniature panda! LOL!

Thursday, 12 January 2012 @ 12:09am
989: Daria says:

omgosh im feeling so excited to be working on this, weeeeee no more feeling bummed about not having gone out weeee
this is what goddess wanted woo hoo

Thursday, 12 January 2012 @ 12:20am
990: Daria says:

i just realized i rejected my brother wo ho was offering me a hookup for money

and i said i dont trust people areound that much money

tho he sounded somewhat legit

sometihng to EFT on

universe i LIKe the stuff you’re offering me

the class action lawsuit

and this i felt a bit scared of

it would feel good to have it workout!!

or

seomthing better a bit safer feelign!

thank you universe!!!!

Thursday, 12 January 2012 @ 12:22am
991: Daria says:

Brenda th e Margaret Lynch tappings at the 3rd chakra and 5th chakra are exactly on that, imagining ourselves sharing and then tappig adn the picuter becomes more and more comfortable…

Thursday, 12 January 2012 @ 12:24am
992: Daria says:

ok while i calleed all thse other men now i feel way mor open tot call back that one man who said it as mean that i dont answer my phone

crap!

earlier i didnt want to call him cuz my boundary for nto trying to ‘solve’ drama

hmmm

and i think my laning forward has lowered my standards

i want to call him back now

i miss him…

earlier i felt all powerful and like i dont ‘havt to’ answer a man whos brigning me drmaa

i feel all blamy of lk whos like calal them

umf

i feel kinda … worried now

woudl my goddess call him…

?

noooo it would be going all into him lik eoh youre so cute for having feelings

well i want to be the cute one with eelings getting taken care of

no drama
this will heal up my loosened up boundaries now too

Thursday, 12 January 2012 @ 12:31am
993: Daria says:

what kinda things do you say to yymyself about myself.

well im not born with magical ability

im not speical enough

im too airy

you could hurt someone

youre really tyrannical

your also really uvlnerable

youre a pounk

youre always lonely
you dont have a big camily

you always wind up having your won back

no one understand you

about th wolrd

the world is dangerous

the word is cold

the world is dog eat dog

teh world is opperession gencoicde and cotnrol

the owlrd is using money to control and jduge

the worlds i snot really caring about me

the wold runs in fixed ways taht you cant cahnge no matter what you do

people will turn on me abandond me or i wjust wont connect with them anymore if i cahnage or change my perspective or heal the way i see the world

we wont have this thing in comone anymore and ill be lonely

agian

i cant handle that

***

u know what i ldont like on the unshcooling forums…

they say

the real world has limits… and go with taht as an uncotested truth

im like… um no i dont even thinjk like that!

what??

the world is limitlesss

the unlimitedness onthe world

get on it unshcooling people

i feel mad!!

*** awesome reframes

umm the wolrd IS unlimited!

the world is HEALING!!!

im sooo part of that !

im huge part of that

my life is ane xample of healing

im so deep and radical and healed mindwise

mmm

Thursday, 12 January 2012 @ 12:49am
994: Silver Moonbeam says:

#673 Daria

I know I am attractive…………..for my age.

But really in real life men 30 years younger than me do not look at me twice, for which I am thankful.

Thursday, 12 January 2012 @ 12:55am
995: Daria says:

Silver – its cuz of your vibe or else they would

Thursday, 12 January 2012 @ 2:30am
996: Silver Moonbeam says:

#674 SLV

What does Rori say? Prepare to be surprised?

And I constantly am LOL!!

Was just thinking about your Christmas tree, how about getting some of those decor lights for the home, I used to have some gorgeous pink flower fairy lights above my bed. And some twinkly silver fairy lights in a vase in the living room, I will get some again shortly, the lights and candles and oil burners make a lovely feminine vibe space. Just inviting enough to welcome sweetie in for a nightcap.

Thursday, 12 January 2012 @ 3:33am
997: Silver Moonbeam says:

#730 Lizka

Yay to your new laptop.

Did you get a Mac after all?

Thursday, 12 January 2012 @ 3:41am
998: Sun Goddess says:

So he did respond about an hour later but I was fast asleep. He asked me to send a picture. Then, at 6am he sent “please”. I haven’t responded to the last two yet because I didn’t feel like participating. I do, however, feel like I need to respond at some point. Just not sure what to say.

Thursday, 12 January 2012 @ 3:49am
999: Lizka says:

Lili 889 –

Thank for for the suggestion, might try it tonight I think Reseau Contract is for douchebags

Silver Moonbeam 997 -

No, Got an Acer. I went with the cheap option… so I can buy moire stuff to please myself!!

Thursday, 12 January 2012 @ 4:00am
1000: Daria says:

sun goddess – dont answer if u dont want to… (no shoulds)… he will call u or text something else

but him wanting a pictures is good id say…

Thursday, 12 January 2012 @ 4:05am
1001: April Rose says:

Zara,

I feel so moved.

I am crying my eyes out reading your post 936

So so moving for me.

Why can’t I belong to someone and they to me? Without them deciding to take themself away?

Your words are so powerful for me right now.
“Even his body fluids are not safe on this planet, she ran away with them inside her and she vanished!”

Your compassion has overwhelmed me. I don’t know what has happened but I can’t stop crying.

Thursday, 12 January 2012 @ 4:09am
1002: mali says:

Breaaaaathing… feeling a little tense…

And confused. I just changed my gravatar… will my previous posts still carry my old gravatar?

Thursday, 12 January 2012 @ 5:00am
1003: Silver Moonbeam says:

#777 FW

I like your stories.

Thursday, 12 January 2012 @ 5:17am
1004: Francesca says:

Daria, you asked me what I was talking about earlier. Well, for example, I sometimes wonder if you are responding to someone here or just talking to yourself.

Also, around post #620 and on, I kind of lost what you all wanted to say.

I also have a hard time reading posts with grammatical errors. I can’t be bothered to read them, honestly.

Thursday, 12 January 2012 @ 5:42am
1005: Daria says:

Francesca – most of the time i talk to myself. It’s a Rori tool called riffing that many of us use the blog for

If you go to the right hand side of the blog categories, you can choose power and self esteem and click previous till you get to the oldest posts by date.

There those posts are where Rori taught us riffing

It’s like a free write many times … Hence the creative grammar

I personally feel really defensive about being judged about grammar. I feel really judgemental of people who make judgements about others based on grammar

It feels sad!

I don’t want to be judged – found not worthy to read because of grammar

Perhaps I’m judging myself here… (that’s always what it is)

I feel so sad and powerless

Thursday, 12 January 2012 @ 5:53am
1006: Daria says:

I’m feeling good.. I just had a super long convo w a man and it felt good!

And this time, I don’t really feel worried he won’t step up and see me (in the past I had a pattern of long connected convo leading to more combos and no meeting )
Mm. Yay

And there was another man on Skype I held up to talk to this guy…

I’m feeling good and glad

Thursday, 12 January 2012 @ 5:56am
1007: Daria says:

Francesca – the purpose of riffing is to heal our old patterns that don’t work – we become more aware of them and send love to them It can be to get into our body…

Or to create what we want

Or to bring light on our thinking and shift to feelings

It’s one of the most important and powerful tools on the blog.

For me – The most powerful tool ever in my life

Add: that along w awareness of my feelings and masc feminine energy tracking

Thursday, 12 January 2012 @ 6:02am
1008: Iamabutterfly says:

Uggg…I feel so dry and icky and sad this morning. Last night, I felt overwhelmingly compelled to go to this bible study at a large church.

I had no idea why I felt so strongly about going there, but I felt like if I didn’t go I would die or something.

I ended up seeing a guy from my past, and I was talking to other people and I felt like he was staring at me. (miraculously, he’s still single…)

And then he was blocking the doorway right when I was getting ready to leave and I looked right at him and he wouldn’t look at me!

but he talked to the guys near us and said I’ve got to go talk to so-and-so and then like RAN to go talk to so-and-so without acknowledging me or before I could say anything and it made me feel so icky.

Then, I saw ANOTHER guy from my past and he was with his WIFE, but he had his back turned to her and talked to me for a long time, which felt okay at first, but then she made a comment about how he had his back turned to her, and i told him how mean that was of him, and then I felt like he was showing off how much he knew about a religious topic, because yes, one of the many ways I used to push guys away from me was by acting like they didn’t know enough about God to suit me.

And I guess it just feels especially sad to me because the whole reason I rejected him in the first place is because I felt like it was pointless because back when he was pursuing me I was completely enamored with this guy who really hurt me the most so far.

But really, I realize now that I hurt myself with the guy who hurt me the most because I’m the one who really pushed him away even though I loved him more than any man ever, well at the time, at least.

I ended up falling for another guy who is an even better man, but I was still so closed off at the time because there was still so much I didn’t know (Rori, how I wish I’d found Modern Siren and your interviews with the experts sooner!)

Now he’s engaged to be married and I feel so sad because I feel like he still cares about me, but I would feel guilty telling him how much I still care and I don’t know how I feel now because there are always so many guys as possibilities and if he’s engaged to another girl then he MUST not be the one for me, right? Plus, he moved out of state, so what’s the point?

It’s so hard for me to be open when I feel all sad and vulnerable and shaky and messy (like, literally, messy. It feels so exhausting for me to keep my room and car clean for some reason,) and especially when I feel like moments alone with a man are so hard to come by.

and if I’m not feeling exactly right when I am alone with a man, it’s like I can’t pull up all the more raw, honest feelings because when I’m with “him,” whoever he is, I usually feel really happy.

so it’s like, I feel really frustrated because i feel like what am I supposed to do?!? I can’t feel what i’m not feeling or conjure up feelings when I’m feeling a certain way or don’t even know how I’m feeling!

Right now, I feel tense and thirsty. I feel grumpy. I feel like no one here is going to understand, but I feel brave because I’m taking a chance to see if someone might actually understand. UGgggg, I feel so mistrustful of both men and women sometimes.

someone please help, I feel sad and lonely and I wish I had a mom right now, I mean I do, but I’ve never been able to talk to her like I’m talking to all of you because she over-reacts to my negative emotions so often…ugggg

Thursday, 12 January 2012 @ 6:05am
1009: April Rose says:

Mali,

It looks like a mushroom.

What is it?

Thursday, 12 January 2012 @ 6:08am
1010: April Rose says:

I shall miss seeing your pretty face

Thursday, 12 January 2012 @ 6:09am
1011: Rose says:

#663 SLV

Aww your tree must be so adorable with the soulmate rings..

#696 Dominique

Wow you ladies are making me feel a whole lot better keeping my tree up this long..I hate taking it down, it was so much work putting it up..I think I may leave it up through february now..That feels good think about..:-)

Thursday, 12 January 2012 @ 6:19am
1012: Iamabutterfly says:

drinking cold water and drinking hot tea, feels refreshing, feels calming. maybe still-single-guy from my past felt like he really wanted to see me, but when he did, felt nervous and overwhelmed by my siren-y ways. I’ve been told by men that I’m really intimidating. It makes me feel good to hear that, but sad too. I feel like I’m too much for a mere mortal man sometimes…

Thursday, 12 January 2012 @ 6:24am
1013: Femininewoman says:

I don’t think so lamabutterfly. It would be good if you could identify exactly what they find intimidating. You might just learn something about yourself.

Thursday, 12 January 2012 @ 6:27am
1014: Femininewoman says:

Your greatest strengths could also be weakness.

Thursday, 12 January 2012 @ 6:28am
1015: jane Canney says:

Hi Rori,
Thank you so much for your inspiration, read & summarised your book and I can’t stop reading it now. It applied to my whole relationship, I could understand why I wasn’t feeling the love from him, always guessing, waiting for his text, calls. dates and I was overfunctioning. OK, I was in a realationship for 6 months with a great guy. He is a little shy and found it hard to express his feelings, didn’t plan in advance until I addressed it and then he cooked me dinner and always asked when I want to meet for for the following week. We work a half an hour apart and come from near the same areas so both travel home at weekends. We usually met up once a week and sometimes at home, but I used to get upset as he went out with the lads at weekends as he was fixing cars and only finished and then met the lads. Weekends were never organised around me and that was upsetting. I did organise to go out with my friends so once he text on a Saturday evening and I ignorred it and went out for my friends girlfriend. I was fuming at him. I saw him in the pub and he didn’t come near me nor did I go near him. He drove by me at the end of the night and stopped and I saw he was in bad form. I didn’t text for a week and he didn’t contact me as he thought I was breaking up with me. I thought I could teach him a lesson in my own mind. When I got in touch, he was very angry and wanted to know what was the reason for the complete lack of communication. I just said I was busy and had to move house. I asked him and he said, that I was out in his town and didn’t even let him know nor contact me for a week.. Then I asked him to meet to talk it over and he said he couldnt meet he next day but during the week. He came over on the Tuesday texting saying there would be more words than kisses. That was when he said indirectly he was breaking up with me. He said he coudln’t go back on his word. He stayed chatting for three hours about stuff and we seemed to be getting on well. Then he text saying He was sorry if he hurt me, but really enjoyed every minute spent with me. Good night x. So I naturally thought there was hope. I said Good night x. Then a week later, I was still really upset and crying and needed a final answer so I text saying I was hurt and confused and want to know if there is still an us. He rang for an hour and said his answer was a no. I opened up to him telling him my feelings on how I didn’t want to be the one chasing him and I was afraid of being that girl who initiates relationships/ He then said why did I not tell me that last week and things may be different. I could never open up to him and was waiting for him to do it. Now a month on after Christmas, i had cut contact, but he facebooked me for Christmas wishing me a happy one and I replied with the same. I also saw him online last week so I asked him how did he get over his Christmas and we chatted like best friends. He told me all about his Christmas with his friends, work, his masters asked me questions and even said PS enjoyed chatting to me, as well as trying to initiate a flity funny chat about him going to bed teasing me. So I left it at good night & nice chatting to you too. the thing is I really like him still and want to get back with him but don’t want to initiative contact/getting back. I have been keeping myself busy circulating dating, actually dating, running, loving myself etc. Do you think I should meet him for a general catch up over a coffee or like my ego says wait till he says hi on chat again? I look forward to hearing from You. All the best.

Thursday, 12 January 2012 @ 6:29am
1016: mali says:

April Rose: I cracked up when I read that… EEE, it’s changed!
It’s a little girl (with a huuuge head) picking a dandelion… thingies… I’ve forgotten the word for them…

Thursday, 12 January 2012 @ 6:36am
1017: Femininewoman says:

Hi Jane, sorry you are going through this but it seems you are taking good care of yourself. If I were you I would wait until he contacts me. If he suggests anything about wanting to see you again or meeting up sometime I would say “it would feel good to go to a movie or go on a date”. Wait till he suggests meeting up though, it always feel massively better when they come towards you.

Thursday, 12 January 2012 @ 6:36am
1018: Iamabutterfly says:

FW, thanks so much for your insights. I feel so sad and shaky. Deep down, I know I’m an amazing, beautiful woman, but I feel so terrified of letting men get close to me. I’ll be fine with them for the longest time, but when I feel like they’re starting to figure me out, I always want to run. Since I’ve been using Rori’s tools, it feels like the relationship timeline is moving so much faster than I feel ready for. Like with my one Jack CD, he moved so fast that I wondered what in the world did I do to make him feel that drawn to me? and I guess I didn’t “do” much, I just opened myself up a lot more than I usually do, and it feels so scary, but with Jack CD, it feels really safe too, safer than it has felt with any other guy before. Girls are always after him though, and that feels icky. I feel like he doesn’t know what he wants, but then I feel like I don’t really know what I want either. so it’s like, what am I supposed to do? He’s one of my favorite cds, obviously, haha…

Thursday, 12 January 2012 @ 6:42am
1019: lk says:

@Daria

“i feel all blamy of lk whos like calal them”

awww i feel warm toward you because of the calling & then the sadness….. definitely i have done that – like called 6 men in a row. normally i call male friends… also CDs…. i don’t mind.

i think the sad feeling comes from wanting to talk to someone & get rescued, & you’re right, sometimes the goddess wants the feeling of Wanting To Connect, coupled with the feeling of No Matter How Many People I Call, No One Answers – It’s Just Me Here Alone, How Sad

i don’t know why, but i still say it’s good : )

love to us both : )

Thursday, 12 January 2012 @ 6:42am
1020: lk says:

seeing April Rose’s reaction, i feel excited to read Zara’s post later

also, i want to think about my own feelings of being “intimidating” that i used to have… & also CDcd being puzzled about me when we first met & telling me… if we’d met any other way, he would have been intimidated & assumed things about me…. i think sometimes it’s because of my fear of being Low, so i shoot my vibes wayyyy High … like being extra quiet when i’m trying to think of a response to something… especially something slightly triggering… & it makes me Stony Queen : / lol

what do you think, Iamabutterfly ?

Thursday, 12 January 2012 @ 6:46am
1021: Femininewoman says:

RE 974 That’s exactly how I felt siren song “frustrated”. overwhelmed and pressured. Even after that conversation he was still texting about “u so emotional and vexed about one small question”. Just feels like a lot of fingerpointing.

Thursday, 12 January 2012 @ 6:49am
1022: Iamabutterfly says:

My cds have taught me so much about myself. Like, with my one cd, it felt so icky because I would be trying to get to know him and he would put up emotional walls when he felt like I was getting too close to him, which is EXACTLY what I always used to do! With another CD, I really cared about him, and felt like we were really open to each other, when out of the blue he gets a girlfriend and starts ignoring me! i kept myself open to him in spite of the girlfriend and I could feel him pushing me away, JUST LIKE I DO when I feel like a guy is getting too close to me! It felt horrible! and I told myself, little butterfly, you have to stop pushing guys away when they get close to you because they feel icky like this when you do!!

Thursday, 12 January 2012 @ 6:53am
1023: Starla says:

Good morning:)

How do I feel today?

I feel curious. What will today bring me?

I feel anxious. I don’t want my work to go unfinished for too long.

I feel hopeful and optimistic, because why not?

I feel strain in my lower back and twisted all up my back trying to stay upright. it would feel sooo good to just lie back down.

My eyes feel itchy. My throat feels itchy now acknowledging my itchy eyes. Hello itchy parts. My head feels itchy too but that’s likely due to not washing my hair or putting anything on it for 3 days while my new, even brighter pink hair dye saturates every strand thoroughly. I feel so excited to wash my hair tonight, hehe.

I feel reluctant to get out of bed. I got out of bed to pee and to close the window and turn on the flat iron for my hair, but i just keep ending up in bed.

i feel resistant. every morning.

i wonder what i could do about this

thank you floating diary,
Starla

Thursday, 12 January 2012 @ 6:55am
1024: Iamabutterfly says:

I just feel frustrated because I do not know how to stop pushing them away. I feel like I’m great at leaning back, but I feel like I really want to work on being open and responsive. At this point, I feel like I’ve been trying to correct my old patterns by sending feeling messages back out to the guys when I’ve felt myself pushing them away again. But what do they find intimidating? is it my subconcious act of pushing them away? I feel like I don’t know for sure…

Thursday, 12 January 2012 @ 6:56am
1025: Starla says:

lama

it sounds like ur just kinda awesome.

u will always be intimidating to many men

just keep practicing the tools and feeling messages, being open and all that. if you’re doing anything to push guys away here, the tools and feeling messages will fix that, and practice makes perfect.

u will always be intimidating to many men… it’s not a bad thing, and by using rori’s tools to be an invitation, i think you will start to meet men who aren’t intimidated or just dont let it get the best of them. i’ve got a long history of being intimidating to men and settling for the losers who can drag me down to their level in some way. now i’m dating a guy who was pretty intimidated, but wants me enough to shove those feelings aside and pursue me. those guys do exist:)

Thursday, 12 January 2012 @ 7:04am
1026: Iamabutterfly says:

@lk 1020 – girl, I have no idea! it feels curious to me that we both feel like we’re intimidating to men. I’m not sure what you mean about being low and shooting your vibes high? I feel like I get quiet when trying to respond to something triggering too. Like, with Jack CD, we somehow got in a conversation about what we’re looking for in marriage and I felt sooooo uncomfortable and felt like I got more quiet than usual and unsure of what to say. I did what Rori talks about, watching carefully what I was saying instead of just letting my feelings and thoughts flow freely. I remember wanting to say that I really want a leader in a man, but I didn’t want to tell him that because he had said earlier in the day that he didn’t consider himself a leader. I could’ve said something like, “It would feel good to have a leader in a man, but he doesn’t have to be the kind of outspoken, noticeable leader that most people think of when they think of a leader. I feel really good with a quiet, humble man who takes charge without demanding recognition for it.” which is exactly the kind of leader Jack CD is…

what are some things that feel triggering to you, LK?

Thursday, 12 January 2012 @ 7:08am
1027: Dominique says:

Daria – # 888 & 899 – Brilliant!!!

xxoo

Thursday, 12 January 2012 @ 7:08am
1028: Iamabutterfly says:

I feel so cold and shaky talking about this stuff! The cold may just be due to the thermastat, but the shakiness is definitely emotional!

Thursday, 12 January 2012 @ 7:11am
1029: Lizka says:

Ohhhh! I went to buy a coffee with a male coworker an I ran into P…

He stoped, said hi, said I had a nice tan and that he was jealous because he spent his vacation in England and it was rainning all the time.

I was burning to ask him about the soup receipe, I almost did. But I finaly handled it good and I didn’t say anything because I know it would have probably seems like manipulation or controling the outcome. I feel pretty proud of muself for not leaning foward. I feel a little disapointed thought since I should have sent a few FM wich I didn’t do.

Wondering now, can I sent him a feeling message saying It felt good to run into him an I felt happy and warm to see him and to hear about his vacation? That would make me feel warm and inviting, no?

I need your thoughts on this one sirens, and also suggestions of FM if you have some…

Thursday, 12 January 2012 @ 7:18am
1030: Femininewoman says:

Lizka “Wondering now, can I sent him a feeling message saying It felt good to run into him”

I wouldn’t.

Thursday, 12 January 2012 @ 7:22am
1031: Iamabutterfly says:

@ Starla #1025 – awww!!! i feel so giddy and happy to have that compliment!

you know, I feel like I’ve been mistrustful of women because I don’t have the best relationship with my mother.

Like, hearing postiive feedback from her is seriously rare, so it feels so good to get postive feedback from a woman!

My mother has been working on herself for the past few years, and our relationship is just now starting to get much better.

We had a 30 minute talk on phone the other day, and she complimented me, and I felt so good and relieved, but also sad that I didn’t get to hear good things like that from her more growing up!

I cried, and it felt so good, and I felt such a release from that old wound.

I feel like other women have made me feel like “I’m too much” as well. I feel like I’ve lost friendships over other women’s jealousy of me, and it feels awful, because female friendships feel so good to me and I feel like I need them!

so, thanks for sharing those positive thoughts with me, Starla. feels good and means a lot to me!

Thursday, 12 January 2012 @ 7:25am
1032: Iamabutterfly says:

also, I feel kinda good, because Jack CD did seem to pursue me pretty hotly in spite of how intimidating I am. things have cooled down a little bit due to mutual busy-ness, but I still feel good about me and him.

Thursday, 12 January 2012 @ 7:31am
1033: Lolita says:

Lizka,

Je me suis sentie tellement bien et heureuse de te voir ce matin, ca me fait tout chaud au coeur de te parler.

Love, xx

Thursday, 12 January 2012 @ 7:38am
1034: Lizka says:

Thank you Lolita. Hope you’re doing great. Wondering for you. xoxo

Thursday, 12 January 2012 @ 7:40am
1035: Lolita says:

Lizka, only send it if it feels good to you.

Thursday, 12 January 2012 @ 7:46am
1036: Lizka says:

Lolita,

I love your suggestion, but doesn’t it feels too intense? A little. I feel scared…

Thursday, 12 January 2012 @ 7:46am
1037: Femininewoman says:

RE 1033 and 1036 Because it is so leaning forward.

Thursday, 12 January 2012 @ 7:57am
1038: Femininewoman says:

My belief is that a real mature man will not find me intimidating. Maybe a boy-man might.

Thursday, 12 January 2012 @ 8:00am
1039: Femininewoman says:

lamabutterfly do you try to physical lean back when in the guys presence. Relax your pelvis and in your mind expand that whole area. Drop your thoughts down there and lean back in your chair or if you are standing put one foot in front of the other and leanback. I have learned that helps my intuition to kick in so I can tune into my feelings and be aware of the vibes that I am sending off. I can tell when a man is ready to end a conversation of feel like moving away from me. How about you?

Thursday, 12 January 2012 @ 8:07am
1040: Francesca says:

Daria, I noticed how your last posts to me were way better, in terms of grammatical errors, I mean.

I like reading what your write but sometimes I’m having a hard time doing that because I have to figure out what you want to say after trying to re-arrange/correct the words.

I’m sorry if you felt triggered by my comment.

I spent many years working as a secretary and had to have perfect grammar all the time.

Déformation professionnelle, I guess!

Thursday, 12 January 2012 @ 8:41am
1041: Senior Lady Vibe says:

@806: Femininewoman says:
“…One was not a eater so he kind of played with the food then started to gag. His father insisted that he eats something and encouraged him saying eat just a little. He kept on gagging and eventually threw up. The lady at the table next to us got up and walked away with scorn on her face. I laughed at her …”

I would also find it difficult to witness that. I never force children to eat food they don’t want but I have known some people do.

I once knew a couple who forced their daughter to eat a huge amount of food until she threw up, another woman suggested I give my months old infant hot pepper in order to watch a surprised look on his face. I was horrified in both cases, expressed that and avoided those people hereafter.

My parents never treated me that way and I’m always shocked and saddened to see that sort of thing. I’ve seen people do many unkind things to their children; when I see it I imagine their own parents did it to them too.

Thursday, 12 January 2012 @ 8:44am
1042: Femininewoman says:

SLV I did not experience it as being unkind. The child had not eaten all day so he was encouraging him to eat. Kind of coaxing was how I experienced it as if he was concerned for the child’s health. He didn’t reprimand the child after he threw up either. He was more focussed on the woman who reacted. He also shared with me that that child generally doesn’t eat. He really came across as a caring father.

I believe that Lolita was concerned for the child’s health also but the problem was that she was acting like mother, maybe before both the father and child have reached that emotional milestone.

Thursday, 12 January 2012 @ 9:05am
1043: Femininewoman says:

SLV I know what you are saying though having experienced that as a child. The food was on the floor the next minute I was done so I was never offered that kind of food again. My experience was that this was a different case. It was food that the child actually wanted or suggested he wanted. He might have just changed his mind after eating a few bites.

Thursday, 12 January 2012 @ 9:07am
1044: Kayla says:

Thank you everyone.. This stuff used to be a piece of cake for me when I first started out, I could always make myself feel confident no matter how many men I had around, I don’t know what’s wrong lately… Maybe I’m just imagining that men are going to keep treating me how they always have… Bad.

I’m gonna try something new today, I’m gonna tell myself good things all day long and see how this plays out..

I am beautiful
I am the prize to win
I will respect my boundaries no matter what a man thinks
I love myself even if a man doesn’t love me
If a man doesn’t want to treat me right, then I don’t want him anyways
If a man isn’t going to show me that he cares, then he obviously isn’t worth me caring about him
I trust in myself
I have faith in myself
Sometimes I doubt myself, I love this doubt
Every man is attracted to me because I am beautiful, confident, soft on the outside, strong on the inside, warm, loving, and open to love. I am sooo sireny.
Ahhh this feels good(: still having a little bit of doubt but like I said, I love this doubt.
I feel hungry, time to go eat some pizza (:

Thursday, 12 January 2012 @ 10:08am
1045: Brenda says:

Daria,

RE: #991 – Thank you!

Thursday, 12 January 2012 @ 10:57am
1046: Lucy says:

Thanks Brenda! The weird thing is, he doesn’t think he is criticizing/blaming me AND he thinks I am criticizing/blaming HIM! We talked about it last night. We both feel stunned about each other’s perceptions.

Thursday, 12 January 2012 @ 11:25am
1047: Iamabutterfly says:

Ug, I feel like I don’t KNOW anything! I feel mysterious, and I feel like the Universe is romancing me through my radio right now. I feel like I’m being told that I am the most lovable thing on this planet and it feels amazing. I feel like moving my body! I feel like dancing! I feel like a torrent of rain. I feel like night. I feel like white light sparkling on night. I feel curious. I feel hungry, but not for food, for something else, for God, for answers, for insight, for a long embrace from Someone who understands me. The songs on the radio are so beautiful and eerie and appropriate! I feel like I’m suddenly connecting to everything…I feel all buzzy…

Thursday, 12 January 2012 @ 11:26am
1048: Tiffany says:

Ok, screw it. I’m back. I can’t stay away!!

I neeed this place. I need write. To pour my heart out sometimes. I am self-conscious of my feelings. It doesn’t feel good to have people complain about the way I write when y’all have your own annoying habits, too. But you know what? I’m letting it go. Because I figure, FW had her own issues that caused her to feel like mentioning it, even though it was irrelevant – and so, even if what she said is true, it still has more to do with her than it does with me…

Anyway….

I feel so silly. But also scared.

This morning I wrote K another email. it wasn’t too long. But later today, I wished I hadn’t written it.

It had to do with my boundaries, and feeling like saying that I wasn’t ready to forgive him. I still feel hurt, and I need time. And it would feel good to see him and spend time with him, but I am not ready to have sex again yet.

Well, just now, I finally got an email back from him – only it was in response to what I wrote yesterday, asking him if I could share my thoughts.

I felt SOOOO afraid to read his email!

Any time I see an email from him, I expect it to be something horrible. I’m traumatized. I expect him to tell me that he can’t handle a relationship and he is never going to see me again. And I can’t explain why, but this fear grips my heart in an iron cage. It feels like I have prickly ice-needles in my veins. And all before I’ve opened the stupid message!

Before I read it, I finished the job application I was writing. And I also sat for several minutes, and just put my hand on my heart and breathed. I noticed that it was only fear – I didn’t know yet what he was going to say. And also I just noticed my body and I appreciated it. That felt nice. It helped me relax.

Then I read his message. And it was so benign! He still calls me “dear” and “sweetie.” On the phone, he even calls me “Sweetu,” which is kind of like an Indian version of “sweetie.” He has also called me his Jaan once. That’s a term of endearment, but it’s also an Indian word that means “life.” How powerful is that?

And so…I don’t know. I guess I am just letting it unfold. I am afraid of pushing myself into this too much. I afraid of making him feel “unsafe.” I am afraid that I might be hiding from him – that I might be confused. And I am afraid that he will shut down and not come toward me anymore.

But so far – all of my fears are untrue.

They are just fears.

And like Rori and Rhonda Britten, and so many other people say, if something makes you feel bad, then it is a LIE. And so I guess that makes me feel better. The fear is a lie. It’s trying to protect me, but it’s just fear. And fear isn’t the truth.

I want the truth, right? And if fear isn’t the truth, then I guess I know what is – love.

Maybe he was afraid to tell me the truth. And now he has told me. And that’s like a kind of love.

I guess I can feel that love coming toward me, like so much gentle water.

Now I can go to dance class tonight, and be happy.

Oh, and I applied for the most fun job ever today – Kitten caregiver at a local animal shelter!

Please pray for me that they call me for an interview! I don’t have the one year of professional animal experience that they require. But I have raised SO many kittens in my life. And I just know that if they were to meet me, they would see and feel that I am the perfect person to be handling small kitties! I have a lot to learn, but I want this job!!

So, fingers crossed. I <3 animals!

Thursday, 12 January 2012 @ 5:22pm
1049: Senior Lady Vibe says:

@996: Silver Moonbeam

No twinkling because I prefer still lights that don’t blink on the tree. But using lights in those other ways you mentioned sounds good too. Also magical.

I tuuned on tree again. Maybe it will become a secret vice… LOL

Thursday, 12 January 2012 @ 7:31pm
1050: Silver Moonbeam says:

#1049 SLV

Replied in the newest blog.

Friday, 13 January 2012 @ 12:28pm
1051: Silver-Tongued Siren says:

219- Brenda -

it’s a spiritual thing – yes it all really blends together, but I think you’re right.

Sunday, 15 January 2012 @ 6:10pm
1052: tallulah says:

HI rori, im not sure what to do here… my boyfriend and i have broken up. He wants us to have another shot at it but in a few months, as he says he’s not ready for a serious long term relationship. Our relationship has been rocky as he was unfaithful in the beginning, but i gave it a chance, though it always felt tainted. I do want us to get back together but I don’t even know where to start.. any advice would so be appreciated

yours

new zealand

Wednesday, 18 January 2012 @ 9:04pm
1053: tank says:

involved with a man and only thing we do is have sex, he first chased me for sex in the first two months and so i finally given in,. it was all hot and nasty, but ha ah good. so 4 more times after that, now he talking he wants to be slow things down and get his life right with God. OK I respected that, but was still wanting to feel his penis between my legs. So date after we decided no sex, strictly friends, we made it thru the date with-out sex. UGH, came close, but ugh no sex. OK then since then we connected once a week for sex and now its faded to every 2 weeks. He saying he got to stay away from me cause its not keeping him focused on what he want to succeed. I told him he makes me feel like a Jezzabell and I am going to keep being persistant because it always been said to go after the things you like. OK so then I thought, well am I a stalker?or just Crazy. Had short talk with my gay friend boyfriend and he set me straight,like really turned the light bulb on in my head. Recently he said u broke up w/ur ex from 7 years n need to recover from that, and honey u need to worry and focused on u so i can be and ready to handle a relationship. Not seeing my secret bootie caller every two weeks, gave me time to sit and think and meditate and pray and just renewing my mind with God words. So now not talking to my bootie caller does not bother me anymore. Ummm I feel he is my rebound, so I healing and recovering from the bootie caller lies and promises he delivered to me in the beginning of all this fiasco (shoot hope I spelled that right but ??) the bootie caller and i reconnect and i pray on my way to his home that i will just tell him i no longer want to be this way with him and i have feeelings for him and as soon as i step in the front door, well that thought went away and our lips locks and BAM BAM BAM!!! sex!!! DAMN!!! So now week one has just passed since our last bootie call, now not sure if I want to go back for more or would it be right to go back for more after knowing he not wanting to committ to nothing but sex. so for me at this point in my life i am cook with just sex, no committment, and i offered friendship and hang out time only in the beginning of all this but he threaten to never talk with me again if i would not sex him, i wanted to and wanted to committ to the things he wanted, such as a woman who would fit into his busy schedule. i told him i could cause alll i wanted was friendship and someone to hang out with, but my bootie was too cute for him not to ask for it and he begged for it every day then one day u want to live right by God and nothing is wrong with that i said ok but now he do not calll anymore. so i think i know my own answer to my own question and that is to move on even though i made promises this butt was his and he say this penis is mine. MOVE ON RIGHT????

Thursday, 19 January 2012 @ 9:03pm
1054: Brenda says:

Tank,

I can’t help but comment…you have a humorous style of writing! Even tho I know you are talking on a serious level.

I think we’ve all been there. It is so hard to pull away from something that feels so good. But you answered your question, yes.

If a man is only interested in you for sex, he does not love you. And you deserve love, the whole package.

Friday, 20 January 2012 @ 2:54am
1055: Rosemary Breen|Compatibility and Love says:

Agree with Brenda above.

Relationships need to be all embracing – the all inclusive package.

Cheers

R

Friday, 20 January 2012 @ 7:23pm
1056: Julie says:

I made a hugh mistake yesterday. My boyfriend that I have had a wonderful relationship with was supposed to call. He always calls. I had not had sleep because of travel and was in tremendous pair. I called him and he did not return my call. I freaked out called a mutual friend and left 3 tearful msgs to call me to let me know if Jose’ was ok. I left 2 more msgs for Jose’. The last I ask if he was leaving me and that if he was he should be a man and tell me. He called later and ask what was wrong with me, he would never leave me. We were having cell phone issues and he said he would call me when he got home tonight. No call. I am so ashamed of myself and embarrassed I could die. He is the best thing that has ever happened to me. I called him around 6 , no answer. I will not call him again until I hear from him. What should I do?: Please help. By the way, I am 72 age doesn’t matter in affairs of the heart.

Sunday, 12 February 2012 @ 5:18pm

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Intimacy Starts With You

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41: Femininewoman says:

42: light heart says:

43: light heart says:

44: lk says:

45: Brenda says:

46: lk says:

47: Brenda says:

48: light heart says:

49: Liz says:

50: lk says:

51: Brenda says:

52: light heart says:

53: Brenda says:

54: Liz says:

55: Sondra says:

56: Brenda says:

57: light heart says:

58: April Rose says:

59: Femininewoman says:

60: Brenda says:

61: light heart says:

62: Brenda says:

63: light heart says:

64: Brenda says:

65: light heart says:

66: Brenda says:

67: Sondra says:

68: Jennifer says:

69: Femininewoman says:

70: Francesca says:

71: Francesca says:

72: Mel says:

73: lk says:

74: lk says:

75: mali says:

76: Lolita says:

77: April Rose says:

78: Liz says: