Comments on: Is He Stringing You Along?

By: glasnost

glasnost — Sat, 20 Mar 2010 00:07:07 +0000

Well Done! I Like it!

By: Sassy

Sassy — Sat, 13 Mar 2010 15:34:51 +0000

Break up to make up

By: Sassy

Sassy — Sat, 13 Mar 2010 15:33:34 +0000

Is he stringing me along

By: Jeannette

Jeannette — Sun, 07 Mar 2010 23:16:17 +0000

Which post is that Rori? Thanks. Jeannette

By: Rori Raye

Rori Raye — Sun, 07 Mar 2010 22:02:50 +0000

Jeannette – Welcome, and I’m going to take your question and jump off into a post..Love, Rori

By: Jeannette

Jeannette — Sun, 07 Mar 2010 16:18:48 +0000

One more thing. I found a book he bought me last summer with photos of people around the US and one of an old man and woman, he holding her hand as she was laying in her death bed, like they had been together forever. I e-mailed my long distance friend and thanked him again for buying me the book and told him of the picture that tugged at my heart. Anyway, he e-mailed me back and said he almost forgot the book but finally remembered it and the “Heart wrenching picture of the man and woman.” Then he went on to say, “You are one of the people that really gets it, true love and devotion and what its about. I certainly miss you too Jeannette (I also told him I missed him in the original message), and think of you daily.” He is sweet but if he really thinks I get it after his two failed relationships with two women who couldn’t be faithful to him then……dah…..why doesn’t he want me??!! Jeannette

By: Jeannette

Jeannette — Sun, 07 Mar 2010 16:07:59 +0000

Thanks to all of you….however, I am still struggling with the same guy. I have cut back and for the most part let him call me, however, I am only hearing from him at odd times. Such as Sat. mornings or Sun. eve’s. We sort of cut off the relationship but we are trying to stay friends. I am lying to myself because I care VERY deeply for him. I have tried circular dating and so far have met up with duds. Then my long distance calls and there I am, stuck in the mud. Happy when he calls and miserable when I don’t have a date and wondering what he is up to. Please give me more direction and support girls and thanks. I DO listen but stubborn, but love my stubborness too! Jeannette

By: Rori Raye

Rori Raye — Sun, 28 Feb 2010 20:09:27 +0000

Duriya, If, after 3 years, he’s not marrying you, or at least buying a home with you and living with you – he’s stringing you along. The question is – “Why are you still there?” If, when you disappear into your “busy” life he comes after you and complains about your lack of attention – isn’t that the time to say you want to be a wife and not a girlfriend, and when he’s ready with a ring and a wedding date or a plan to live together you’ll consider it – and simply say “No” to what you don’t want here? What keeps compelling you to say “Yes” to the same-old-same old? Please Circular Date and stay with your busy life. If he wants you, he can step up to the plate. Love, Rori

By: Duriya

Duriya — Sun, 28 Feb 2010 18:29:58 +0000

Dear Rori, Please tell me how to effectively turn around my mess of a relationship? From reading your blogs I realize that I have done a lot of things wrong over my 3-year relationship. I’m 52 and have been dating a man who’s 53 for the past 3 years. We have fun together and bond in a way I never have before with any man, but I feel discontented, unfulfilled and stuck in a “friend pattern.” We first met on a blind date that I called him up for and he agreed to meet me for. We talked and found out that we grew up in the same neighborhood, our birthdays are 5 days apart in August (both leo), and we had a lot of other things in common, except our religions (no biggy about that back then). We started dating and things were good at first. During the first year I noticed he was a bit bossy. He’s a manager on his job and used to controlling his employees. I can handle myself though and I quickly stopped him from being too forward with me and he toned it down. I also noticed that he wouldn’t invite me to his home, or to meet his friends and family. He always offered to come to my neighborhood, but I continued dating him thinking he would open up after a while and because he said he was divorced when I asked him. After 3 years his behavior is the same!!! He’s always stalling about his home, his friends and his family, and although I feel that he loves me in his own way, he’s shows no interest in moving forward with me or inviting me to share his life fully, or even loving me in the way that I deserve. He makes me feel like I’m just a friend with benefits. Also, he only has one day a week to see me and one weekend a year to vacation with me. He works 2 jobs and I understand that, but when I’m busy in my life, he pursues me relentlessly and acts irritated about my lack of attention toward him. I’m in a one-sided situation and I feel like the only thing that matters to this man is HIS rules, HIS convenience and HIS happiness. I’ve talked to him way too much about my feelings and the fact that I want to be a wife, not a girlfriend. I even broke up with him twice and he pursued me relentlessly and I took him back again and again. He told me that he thought he was “doing right by me” (whatever that means) and that he loves me and doesn’t want to lose me, yet he offers very little help to me unless I push him or convince him to do something for me or even with me. I’m confused and I feel that he doesn’t value me as a mate or potential wife. Bottomline: My emotional needs aren’t being met or provided for in any significant manner, except sexually. Is he stringing me along?

duriya

By: Rori Raye

Rori Raye — Thu, 07 Jan 2010 06:58:27 +0000

Shee – What I know first and foremost is that if you have these strong feelings that you don’t want to be a girlfriend all your life, but that’s what it feels like to you day after day, and you don’t say anything about it to him and clear the air directly…you will create tension and distance and disruption in the relationship. The key to everything is speaking the truth. “Sweetie, somethings bothering me, and I hate to even talk about it, because I feel so good with you…and it’s important to me that we’re just honest with each other and don’t let things get stuffed down…is now a good time to talk?” If he says “Yes” – then go with…”Once you said you would never marry again, I’m not sure how you feel about living together…have your feelings changed at all about this?” Now stop and let him talk. Next – “I’m asking because I realize I don’t want to be a girlfriend all the rest of my life – even though being your girlfriend feels so great, I’m concerned that after a while, I’ll start to feel insecure and want to feel more solid…what do you think I should do?” Let him talk. You can always ask him…”I don’t want to be putting pressure on you…do you want me to date other men so that there’s less pressure as we go along?” — Basically this is the “No Girlfriend” speech – but with a lot more “air” and expressiveness and exploration in it – and allowing him to get involved in the discussion. Love, Rori