Just Because You Want Him Doesn’t Mean He’s Right For You

A short message for Nancy who feels in despair about her future love life….

What we think we want doesn’t always serve us.

I spent much of my romantic life, and my “best” years chasing after men who simply weren’t right for me.

Yes – there was AMAZING chemistry and sex, yes, I felt a soul-deep connection (one in particular I can name and have written about – and that lasted 7 years), yes there was intense deep feeling…..but still, they weren’t right for me.

And letting go of them was excruciating. (Yes – there was more than one, or two, or even 3 or 4, maybe MORE!)

And so, please use my Tools to talk yourself out any defeatist attitude you’re harboring.

The truth is – we don’t know ANYTHING. You don’t know who is or isn’t out there for you – but if you choose to decide now that there’s no one, imagine how much harder it’s going to be for him to find you.

This despair is coming from your subconscious.

Please don’t let it run you.

Talk to it, love it, embrace it, make friends with it, offer it new food, new thoughts, new attitudes, and reassurance that you’re in this for the best of yourself as a WHOLE – all these parts that want you to despair included.

Love, Rori

written by Rori Raye • Permalink •

1,017 Comments to “Just Because You Want Him Doesn’t Mean He’s Right For You”

1: Femininewoman says:

hmhm

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 7:01am
2: April Rose says:

yes, in fact I want to do a lot of research (into how we relate) before I decide he is right for me

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 7:02am
3: Femininewoman says:

I wonder if this is our Nancy, though it doesn’t really matter.

“Yes – there was AMAZING chemistry and sex, yes, I felt a soul-deep connection (one in particular I can name and have written about – and that lasted 7 years), yes there was intense deep feeling…..but still, they weren’t right for me”.

Yup

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 7:03am
4: April Rose says:

Wow, Rori, 7 years of it feeling right, but it wasn’t?
Ooooh, I feel sooo intrigued.

I’ve been finding out they weren’t right, after about 3 years (pre-Rori)
Now, I can do it much quicker.

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 7:05am
5: Siren Angel says:

FW 1238 previous post,

Actually it makes me realize that M did NOT offer friendship this time, I am the one who volunteered information that I would not want that, and he agreed.

Sort of makes me feel hopeful.

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 7:16am
6: Femininewoman says:

Siren Angel it seems to me that would be a good thing. Especially if you can take your mind off him and the relationship. As Rori says:-

The most important thing to blossom a real relationship into a real, deep intimacy is to be able to speak about your feelings to a man. The honesty and openness and terrifying baring of your feelings – even your soul sometimes – is a great act of trust. Trust of yourself and trust of him too. Trust the law of how things are – that speaking the truth is a great healer.

You cannot help a relationship recover by being sad and miserable. You can only help a relationship by recovering your high spirits and sense of fun, your own devotion to YOU and to having a good life, good times, and good feelings, This is not only the best way to attract a terrific man who can make you happy it is the best way to heal everyone and everything around you. You feel good about you, you share that fun and good feeling with everyone just because it radiates out of you, and everyone feels better and feels comepelled to be around you.

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 7:28am
7: Siren Angel says:

FW,

How can I radiate my happiness to him and the kids when we don’t see each other?

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 7:36am
8: Femininewoman says:

You can’t. It is best to trust the law of how things are. Right not it is best to trust that he will feel that vibe through the “ether” from miles away.

“For me, “trying” to, or “working towards” opening up a person who’s shut down is non-productive.

To me, a wife is not a therapist.

Her job is not to sit down and try to open up her husband.

Her job is to be there in case he wants to open up, to offer a safe space for him to open up, to set an example and “go first” by opening herself up, and to live her own life without regard to his shutting down.

Ignoring, in this case, is simply not giving energy to something that doesn’t serve you.

It’s not reacting, it’s learning how this particular behavior of someone else’s is triggering you.

That said – the goal is always TALKING…and expressing yourself in Feeling Messages, and doing all the “going first.”

“Encouraging and inspiring a man to open up is what we’re all about here, it’s what being a Modern Siren is all about – and yet, directly asking a man to “open up” and be “warmer” or “more attentive” is often useless when it’s a specific part of his nature to retreat and withhold.

The problem is in the dynamic, and in the dynamic I describe – a man’s withholding causes us to chase him down.

It makes us try to “engage” him, and DO things to “warm him up” and get him to give us what we want.

That kind of directed energy, focused on him – gets us the exact opposite of what we want.

He feels even MORE crowded, more pressured, more incompetent at fulfilling our needs.

And then that becomes even more true, as he withholds and withdraws even more to protect himself from what he instinctively feels “not good” with, we feel even more and more neglected, and he feels more and more incompetent.

Ignoring a man is a great first step in the healing process.”

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 7:41am
9: Tam says:

7 He broke up with you SA, so you’re best off focusing on yourself to get happy and when he comes back this will show…can’t force it and can’t rush it.

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 7:42am
10: Annie says:

1227: Radlove says:

“Annie,

1179 – Yes, R is saying just friendship, and I consistently feel vibes that are more serious than just friendship. I feel confused about it, tho. But I just don’t feel strong enough to push him out of my life completely. But our times together feel fantastic, and I am getting good dating experience, so I am just going with the flow in the moment.

K is a 12 year friendship, and I don’t want to push him out of my life with no explanation or reason. I just am going to feel my way carefully on that one. I don’t want backlash, and I don’t want to hurt his feelings.

But after the pretty much love letter I received from K on Saturday, I am going to restate my boundaries.”

TY Radlove.
I totally hear where you are at on your journey.
Hugs.
Step by step as Rori says towards learning and getting stronger to what is in your higher good to do.

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 7:44am
11: luzydel says:

I feel like that right now about “Dw” and “S”, They were not right for me… any man who hides, ignores me, doesn’t make an effort to be with me is not right, regardless of ow much attraction I feel for them, so I just delete their numbers and move on, not more chasing, no more answering to their cheap Texts “hi sexy you miss me?” ugh!! They are too heavy to be riding on my horse and are slowing me down.

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 7:49am
12: luzydel says:

http://www.lawofattractionsingles.com

I found this site and thought I would share, Not too many in my area, but it may work for any of you…

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 7:50am
13: Femininewoman says:

CCarter has a program called Mastering Make or Break Moments with men. As you can see below this is something that happens with some men.

Moment #11: The On-Again, Off-Again Relationship

He breaks up with you and you feel completely awful- until he contacts you and says he’s been “thinking” about things and wants to talk. You give him another chance, but then days or weeks later, he dumps you AGAIN. What’s going on here? Should you get back with him?

In this Moment, I’ll reveal the two types of men who do this, what it says about them, and how to prevent your relationship from slipping into this painful pattern ever again.

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 7:51am
14: Femininewoman says:

Now I am wondering if breaking up is a feminine thing to do? Also an indication of immaturity in a man or that he is not yet ready to move the relationship further down the road so the way to show respect to such a man is to agree with him and go live my life?

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 7:54am
15: Femininewoman says:

Interesting site luzydel. Thank you.

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 7:56am
16: Annie says:

“What we think we want doesn’t always serve us.”

Gosh how this resonates.
My awakening from sleepwalking began a couple of years ago.
And now when I walk around I see others in this sleepwalking place.
It feels a bit scary observing and witnessing this.
Some days some places when out and the energy feels so heavy It feels like I am amongst the living dead.

Feel so different when I am somewhere where the energy is lighter. The frequency and energy coming from people just feels different.

Since I began this awakening it feels so odd.
I can feel this energy without knowing the person or anything about them.
And automatically now move away
Before this wakening my radar was well and truly off.
I mainly used to ignore the feeling push any gut feeling away and mainly get taken in by peoples words.
I was naive. I forgive myself.
I will not ever ignore my gut feeling again Not EVER.
I trust it above all else.
From now on I want to do what is in my best interest and what serves me.

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 8:02am
17: MissStix says:

Wow I am so behind on the blog!

Just having a fantastic weekend!

Good man, good food, good sex, great conflict resolution.

I could feel a storm brewing over something inconsequential. We were both feeling agitated over a simple misunderstanding. I took a deep breathe and started to rub my forehead and said “This feels too agitating. This is not important. This is not important.” I repeated that out loud a few times keeping my eyes closed and rubbing my temples and forehead. I felt myself calming and then I heard…

“You’re right.”

And that was that. Peace.

I did not end up having the sex talk with G. Because I didn’t need to. I wanted to do a little experiment bedore we sat down to talk. When we were in the liquor store grabbing wine I did it. We were in line, and I was in front so I slowly shifted my body around and put my shoulders back. I was already very close to him. Through the whole thing I kept it in my mind that this man could be potentially dangerous (this makes me giggle but I made myself believe it). Then, starting at the floor I slowly raised up my eyes to his face and held contact with his throat and jaw. He looked at me. “what’s up?” I made eye contact then shyly looked down, then looked back up and said “nothing” with a hint of a shy smile. He put his hand around my neck, pulled me in and kissed me right there in the lineup!!! And I BLUSHED hehe Perfect.

When I shift into the space and vibe and feelings I want to feel, he naturally takes the reins and steps right into male dominate mode. I’ve been practicing this all weekend and it’s been fantastic! It also gives me a chance to use my voice during sex. For positive affirmation. It is a perfect outlet for my shyness to talk during sex. Because I WANT to be in the shy, dominated, uncomfortable position.

It feels nice and no-pressure to do a slow and steady build. At some point I plan to tell him I like the way the sex has been. I plan to say “I secretly wanted you to take control and you have just done it, and I feel so sexy and great!”

nuff about me!! Time to catch up…

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 8:02am
18: Tam says:

13 FW, interesting. I also dance this dance with MrP and am fed up with it, every time we get close he seems to freak out and run…only to come back more strongly and faster each time. but I don’t want that anymore…I hate this pattern.

I have never been rejected or the ‘dumpee’ before, only one time – and that guy went off to marry someone else 6 months later. So I am acutely aware that I only want a man who wants me 100% and isn’t going to do this dance indefinitely.
But like Rori said ‘we don’t know anything’ and I don’t want to assume bad things and be judgmental..however, experience is experience and it is supposed to teach us something?
Hrmpf

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 8:05am
19: Radlove says:

While the mind sees only boundaries
Love knows the secret way there. ~ Rumi

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 8:09am
20: Tam says:

Radlove, I love Rumi

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 8:10am
21: Radlove says:

Annie,

1146 from http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/commitment/openness-and-resolve-talk-about-it-without-defending-yourself/comment-page-25/#comment-243575 – “Think Brad pitt is supposed to be one the rare men on the planet who’s face has both of these qualities.
The baby face along with the rugged.”

Interesting! I never heard this before, but I agree! He is very handsome! I especially like him in Meet Joe Black.

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 8:12am
22: Radlove says:

Tam,

20 – Me too!

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 8:12am
23: Femininewoman says:

1136: idating4u says:
Great post! and great replies too.
1. Believe that it can happen
Do you believe in yourself? This may sound really corny but if you do not believe that you can get a guy to want you, It will not happen. Period.

2. People Judge Books By Covers. Period!
This is more important for you than for him. Firstly you have to find something that you LOVE to wear. Not something you just like.

3. Give him the green light.
The third part of making a guy want you is giving him a little to go on. Smile at him. Men don’t like to be rejected so if you want him to approach you, you have to give him a sign that it is ok to approach you and that you will be receptive towards him.

Dating

Sunday, 2 September 2012 @ 10:50pm

1137: Rori Raye says:
dating4u – I’m letting this through because we can always use another free dating site! Rori

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 8:14am
24: Annie says:

11: luzydelNo Gravatar says:

“I feel like that right now about “Dw” and “S”, They were not right for me… any man who hides, ignores me, doesn’t make an effort to be with me is not right, regardless of ow much attraction I feel for them, so I just delete their numbers and move on, not more chasing, no more answering to their cheap Texts “hi sexy you miss me?” ugh!! They are too heavy to be riding on my horse and are slowing me down.”

I love this.

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 8:15am
25: Annie says:

13: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

“CCarter has a program called Mastering Make or Break Moments with men. As you can see below this is something that happens with some men.

Moment #11: The On-Again, Off-Again Relationship

He breaks up with you and you feel completely awful- until he contacts you and says he’s been “thinking” about things and wants to talk. You give him another chance, but then days or weeks later, he dumps you AGAIN. What’s going on here? Should you get back with him?

In this Moment, I’ll reveal the two types of men who do this, what it says about them, and how to prevent your relationship from slipping into this painful pattern ever again.”

I feel intrigued about this.
What is he take on this then?

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 8:17am
26: Radlove says:

Tam,

946 – If I believed that R was only interested in a casual friendship, I couldn’t do it. But I feel him negotiating, looking deeper, looking to the future, all that. I just sense intuitively that this is not a casual friendship for him. Stinker. I love him and he’s annoying. LOL.

And here is a general comment: We call ourselves princesses and goddesses on the blog all the time. So what is wrong with calling a man I love a prince? If I am a princess, don’t I deserve a prince? And just because I called him little? That was just a term of endearment, little prince. Grrrrrr!

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 8:19am
27: Femininewoman says:

Annie I don’t have that program. I was just trying to put that comment in the context of what I know about Rori’s program. I imagine that CCarter’s is similar to Rori’s take about being warm and open while speaking your truth when he leans toward you again. Knowing that these types of things are common amongst men helps me to not take things personally and get angry because it is not about me.

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 8:20am
28: T-Girl says:

Is Nancy the siren that married her guy after 4 months or so? I wonder how she is doing.

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 8:21am
29: Femininewoman says:

That was my thought too T-Girl but then I remembered Rori generally changes people’s name when she uses their stories. At least recently.

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 8:22am
30: Linda says:

Hello Sirens

A day of rest from Labor in the states. woo hoo!

I was trying to find who encouraged me to keep an open mind about going on a CD with the older man that contacted me. It was good advice.. Thank you.

I felt all confused on the inside when I thought about meeting this CD. Part of me felt open and curious and another part of me felt like I was again compromising what I want. In the end I just decided to go and find out what his message was for me.

I did go and meet him yesterday afternoon. I was indeed ready for this meet and greet to go quickly but time flew. He does not look his age, talks a mile a minute (which would get old with me really) but all in all very delightful. I do not know really what his message was to me. I did however feel able to be me and confortable with him. His physical appearance was actually kinda hot to me. Was very buff and a great smile. He has many characteristics of a man I would like to be with. He wanted me to call him to see to get together again. I just said … ” I do not feel comfortable calling and I would like it if you contacted me” (he has already told me he is meeting two other ladies this week.) I did not want to fit into his casual, drop by.. come over kinda vibe that he was telling about all his other friends. I am not difficult, but I want to raise the level of difficulty a bit, set myself above that. If he wants to see me, he will have to be the boy I want to be the girl.

SO I learned to keep my girl boundry. I am learning!
I did enjoy a lovely kiss and I felt melty and responsive a very enjoyed the moment with some magic. I went to play cards with some friends in meet up right after.

I have a full inbox again today. It feels delightful, and life has seemed to shift for the better. One of my emails was from my CD I will call him “BusyMan” He said he had a really good time and that I was his best first date he had ever been on” Hmmm interesting he has been on lots of dates. I am not going to anaylse it… just receive it.

I will have another man to meet early this week.. his name is the same as my last man. TRIGGER! oh well I can deal with it.

More later girls… hugs

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 8:26am
31: Starla says:

I still don’t feel anything for any of my current guys in any sort of significant way.

WarriorCD is really hot but I don’t feel connected with him. I find myself wanting to force a connection. This isn’t necessary, though, because he does all the rowing. Still, it freaks me out to think that I will eventually fall for him, and he’ll decide to finally notice we don’t actually have a connection.

ummm well anyway it doesn’t matter. I feel very focused on myself.

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 8:26am
32: Belle says:

Radlove

thankyouthankyouthankyou I feel all teary and smiley and blessed blessed blessed
I didn’t feel jumped on at all, I felt so giggly and almost couldn’t sleep because I kept laughing and laughing at myself…remembering a couple of times where I felt so right on in my communication and it landed so so so so differently than I thought it would.

It feels so good to feel it tickling me now!
Thank you for re-reading it, I feel seen and I feel appreciation and gratitude.

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 8:31am
33: Belle says:

This post reminds me of the day before yesterday when I pulled over and parked on a side road to sob like a lunatic.
Two thoughts were repeating…
“There’s nothing I can do”
and
“I don’t know anything”

The sobbing felt like a relief…
Oh, wonderful, how freeing to recognize
There’s nothing I can do
and I don’t know anything

Good. Perfect. Now I can get on with my life! Woot!

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 8:34am
34: Femininewoman says:

I feel happy for you Linda. For me this day means school starts again tomorrow and that the summer is swiftly ending. boohoo

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 8:38am
35: Daria says:

Forest siren – yup, Lyme disease has been on my conscious the past few days. Will post some more when i get home.

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 8:38am
36: Radlove says:

Pitifully Confused,

844 – I really like what FW said to you here:

“pitifully confused I feel bad reading and thinking about this name you chose for yourself. You don’t seem pitiful or confused in your writing. You seem like a young lady who has her wits about her and cares about herself.”

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 8:39am
37: Starla says:

I just dared to check my work email after being gone for 10 days, and there was absolutely nothing scary or stressful waiting for me in my inbox

<3

My life is really blessed, ladies.

Really, really.

I have a family now!!!!!!!!

And a good job

And beautiful vacations

And a beautiful apartment

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 8:39am
38: Radlove says:

(not so) pitifully confused

894 – Ah! Just saw your new name: (not so) pitifully confused

Very good!

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 8:40am
39: Radlove says:

I tried to cover everyone’s responses to me in the last thread. Please excuse me if I accidentally overlooked any. Please feel free to bring them to my attention in case there was anything you would like to feel sure I noticed.

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 8:41am
40: Starla says:

And my closest friends came to the airport to pick me up and we went to dinner together and they missed me a looooot, and i felt so special and loved

things have changed so much for me! I remember feeling alone and hopeless. And it was legit

But when I hit rock bottom I decided to just think happy anyway.

And it really worked.

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 8:41am
41: Radlove says:

Annie,

10 – Thank you!

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 8:43am
42: Radlove says:

(((Belle)))

32 – You’re welcome! Thanks for being patient with me!

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 8:44am
43: Siren Angel says:

From a ‘promise of engagement’ ring to a breakup in one month, seems so unreal to me, like I am stuck in some bad television reality show. I was in utter shock after the nice weekend we had. Just because I sent 11 yr old to his bedroom for a total of 2 minutes for yelling me at me. He tells his brother and sister to go along with him, like in any ‘game’. And this. Feels very frustrating and I feel so powerless and vulnerable.

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 8:48am
44: Radlove says:

Luzydel,

12 – Thanks! Do you know if the site is free? Or will they slam you with a credit card screen after you go thru all the effort of joining?

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 8:48am
45: Belle says:

Ruth – thank you, it felt good to read that you were glad I stayed.

It feels so good when one of you offers feedback that I’ve touched you in some way. It feels validating that the way I am learning to love and be gentle and playful with myself is rippling out to others.

Which reminds me…

Rebecca
re: mistakes revisited

A few years ago I worked a day with a radiant, happy, gorgeous woman.
I watched her write something down…she realized she had made a mistake, laughed as she noticed and erased it. She re-wrote it, made the SAME mistake AGAIN, and laughed even harder. Erased and re-wrote it. She made the SAME EXACT mistake a THIRD time, and it made her giggle and laugh so hard and she kept bouncing her head, giggling, saying, “oh that is so funny! that is SO funny!”

I drank all of this in…what??? I compared her reaction to mine, I would have been beating the snot out of myself the second time, and given up on the third. What manner of insanity was this, laughing harder with each mistake? WHATTTT????
So I made up a story about her that she had never been beaten up or punished for making a mistake and that’s how she turned out this way. Which made me wonder how I could feel if I practiced feeling better with each consecutive mistake and finding it more amusing?

I’ve been practicing it ever since. I don’t think I’ve made any few mistakes, but I certainly haven’t made more and wow I sure do feel a lot better. It feels SO good to feel the laughter bubbling up from my gut when I notice, “Oh, Belle, you dork, you did it again!” instead of mean, furrowing brow, anger, shame and contracting, “Oh, Belle, you horrible dumb blah blah blah, you did it again!”

Things can just be funnier and funnier and funnier, just because we decide it’s so, for no reason at all.
It’s working for me, that’s fo sho

Hugs and hugs

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 8:51am
46: Siren Angel says:

FW @6,

I still feel confused. Are you suggesting being friends with M could be a good thing for me? To get closer to the kids in a more fun and happy way?

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 8:55am
47: Memulo says:

#46 SA,

No friends with M:) He has to fight for you now. Otherwise it can be a repeating cycle, every now and then he will start having doubts. You want to feel safe, right? Please let him realize how wrong he was letting you go.

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 8:59am
48: Jilly says:

Good morning Sirens

((((SA))))

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 9:15am
49: forest siren says:

Thanks Daria that would be great. I had it twice took lots of antibiotics ugh even tho I dont like them like for months. Took lots of probiotics too. But I feel it’s still there, I have weird pains, get a lot of headaches and had perfect vision now it’s strained. I’ve talked about giving up sugar I really have to.

I think Lyme is a serious condition. My short term memory is practically gone. I don’t want to do Iv antibiotics.

I do exercise a lot that helps.

Just one month ago I was feeling great and healthy but have had a couple of weeks tired and headachy and achy.

So curious to hear your take on it.

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 9:16am
50: MissStix says:

Feeling bold.

I asked G a question about men. What a man would be thinking in a certain situation. Pertaining to a question from a woman seeking advice. His very honest response was eye-opening even if I already knew that was the answer.

It felt really good that he was so honest and blunt. As if he trusts the secrets of men with me. I like it! I already knew the answer so I know i’m “getting” it. I feel firmly grounded today.

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 9:17am
51: forest siren says:

Memulo I posted in the other thread I am curious about the motorbike photo u sent him. It seemed like you wanted him to feel jealous or insecure. What message did want to convey?

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 9:17am
52: Memulo says:

Forest Siren,

Responding to your post from the prior thread. Later I could see how my photo on a motorcycle could be seen as an attempt to make him feel jealous, but I was just proud of myself for taking the ride lol and it almost felt unbelievable to see myself wearing a helmet and being on a motorcycle. I just wanted to share.

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 9:18am
53: Jilly says:

This post reminds me of a few ex boyfriends and ex husband…how I thought they were right for me at some point but weren’t…

Yet I feel totally different with Rugby Man…it feels better than ever…after 7 months He brings out the best in me. I love that.

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 9:19am
54: Memulo says:

FS, you think the photo gives room for misinterpretation? It was just a ride.

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 9:21am
55: Femininewoman says:

Siren Angel you said you told him you did not want to be friends, no? I am saying I believe that was good that you made that clear to him. You want romance not friendship.

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 9:26am
56: forest siren says:

Memulo I believe you were excited. For me if I sent that photo without words it would say look at what I’m doing without you. I believe yes it is open to misinterpretation. For me it falls into the category of the innocent question the innocent photo.

I’m sorry definitely don’t want you to beat yourself up about it this is just my feeling. And remember I have said I have always thought about lionmans insecurity. It may be that I should have been sending photos like this

Just my thoughts. Ps I love going on the motorbike it’s so much fun but I can only go with someone I’m attracted to it feels too personal to be that physically close on the bike. Did you ride the bike yourself?

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 9:35am
57: Siren Angel says:

FM, ok clear. Thank you.

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 9:37am
58: Siren Angel says:

FW, Ok it’s clear. Thank you.

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 9:38am
59: Siren Angel says:

I also feel consumed by thoughts of guilt. My little one comes back home on Friday and I will have to break the news of the breakup to him, if M does not contact before. And he will be heartbroken. I want to protect his little heart from all this pain.

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 9:40am
60: Radlove says:

Here’s my latest with R:

September 1st:

B: What are you thinking?
R: Well, all that stuff you put on me these last three years was terrible.
B: I could say the same for 2009, stuff that left me suicidal. Heart bursting schizophrenic attacks that repeatedly drained my will to live.
B: I have repeatedly apologized for ways that I was weak and toxic. I have already told you I spent the last 3.5 years majoring in Emo Intelligence and nonviolent communication. You see that I have changed.
5 min later
B: What do you think?
R: It’s like a huge scar for me.
B: For me too. I never felt so much raw pain all at once. I felt so utterly vulnerable, scared, and like I was nailed to a psychological cross. And my own love was the nails holding me on the cross.
B: I felt like Luke Skywalker facing Darth Vader. If I would just turn to the Dark Side and say, “I hate you,” I would be released from the suffering I felt, and let off the cross.
R: That’s terrible
R: About what?
B: I felt repeated pain leading up to it, but mostly the perceived almost proposal. I lay on the ground crying at the 4-H center, and each time I heard, “It’s just a friendship. I’m not in love with you.,” it felt like a hammer driving nails into me. I felt pinned to the cross as I lay on the ground.
B: I felt deceived, both by you and by God, at a deeper level than I ever imagined a person could be deceived.
B: My faith felt shaken to the core.
B: Please share what you’re thinking.
R: Well, I didn’t do anything wrong.
B: I’m just sharing what I felt and experienced.
B: All my hopes, dreams, and love were at their height. Can you see how someone might react strongly in the midst of feelings like this?
B: I felt emotionally incapacitated and could barely function for about two years. I feel permanently altered, like I will never view life thru the same eyes.
R: Yeah, well accusing me of what u accused me of and telling people including K, isn’t right.
B: I am not accusing you. I am telling you what I felt and experienced. Those feelings were real.
R: Yes, but those feelings WEREN’T for real things.
B: I thought we agreed I was attacked by schizophrenia? I felt like I was staring a monster in the face. And his intention was for me to commit sui/cide.
R: I don’t kno what happened.
B: Feelings are real.
R: Yes, but the things u were feeling them for were NOT real!
B: As far as telling K, of course I wish I hadn’t. But in those days, I felt desperate for release from pain, and desperate for support. I didn’t know many days if I was going to make it without going insane.
B: The poem we wrote together was real.
R: Yeah, but my intentions were NOT romantic.
B: It would feel better to break it down in moment by moment stuff. I feel like laying back down and cuddling with Jes/us now. I feel tired.
R: Good night.
B: Good night. I love you.

September 2, last night:

(After hello, how are you type stuff…)

R: I’m just wondering if women could possibly be any more beautiful.
B: Awww. I think men are pretty wonderful, too!!
R: What about them?
B: I like men’s hineys.
B: Seriously, I agree with you that the best part of men is tender hearts.
B: I like a man who is a strong, confident, but compassionate leader.

15 min later

B: R doesn’t want to talk.
R: Do u not want to talk?
B: I want to, but when you didn’t respond, I thought you didn’t want to.
R: Oh
B: What kind of heart do you like in a woman?
R: What do you mean?
B: What characteristics do you like in a woman’s heart?
R: What characteristics does a woman’s heart have?
B: That’s what I’m asking you.
R: All of the beautiful characteristics like kindness, sweetness, generosity.
B: That’s beautiful. I wonder why men are wired to feel uncomfortable to express emotions? I wonder if that is part of their strength?
R: Probably
B: Oh
R: Do you think you could pick up a man on the street?
B: Yes, I could if I wanted to, but I don’t want to. I think I have a tendency to overfunction, and I feel better when a man picks me up.
R: What do you mean overfunction?
B: Taking the lead, doing, like two people leading in a dance doesn’t work. I think the natural order of things is for the man to lead, and the woman to follow. What do you think?
R: I don’t believe in that. It’s too rigid.
B: I feel interested to hear that. I feel kind of uncomfortable when I try to lead, because it’s like two people trying to lead in a dance: they end up stepping on each other’s toes.
B: I think that I overfunctioned way too much in the past, and I think that’s one reason why I ended up stepping on your toes a lot. Everything went haywire when I tried to take the lead. What do you think?
R: Did you tell that guy at the diner bad things about me?
B: I will answer your question if you answer my question.
R: I don’t know what you are talking about. What do you mean?
B: In 2009, when you first started coming over to my house, you would call me almost every night. Then I started to get really attached to you, and I started to feel a lot of anxiety and insecurity.
B: I felt scared to death of saying or doing something to turn you off. Then I started calling you. It was after that when everything started to go haywire. What do you think?
R: I saw you falling in love with me and I didn’t want that, so I tried to put an end to the romantic element of our friendship, then you went haywire.
B: I understand that. I was just trying to give you an example to explain. I still am interested to know how you see a man and a woman relating in terms of who rows the boat?
R: Who rows a boat is different than a relationship.
B: What do you mean?
R: I don’t even know what you’re talking about.
B: Okay. What diner and what man?
R: Well, how many men at diners have you said bad things to about me???
B: None!
(5 min later)
B: Hello?
R: Yeah?
B: Which diner and which waiter did you mean?
R: The guy in Name of Town with the beard who you are friendly with.
B: Not at all. I feel bad that you would even wonder something like that.
B: Why, did he say something?
R: When I see him in town, I say hi to him and he ignores me.
B: That’s weird. He seemed totally friendly before. I feel sad to hear that. Please keep in mind, R, you are literally my favorite person in the world. I adore you.
R: Thanks. I’m about to drive.
That ended at 12:45 am, and I texted again 40 min later, at 1:25 am:
B: I feel unsettled about our texts tonight for some reason. I wonder if you are upset at me for some reason that I don’t know?
R: I’m just not happy with u in general 4 all you put me thru.
B: That feels bad to hear after we’ve been getting along so fantastically the last several months.
B: I was feeling fantastic about our friendship and how we have been reuniting and healing wounds from 2009, until this moment.
B: It would feel so good if we could just stay in the present, after we have gotten a fresh start already. I wonder why the past keeps being dredged up?
R: I never felt like we got a fresh start. I still have wounds.
B: I still have wounds, too. I have apologized repeatedly and taken responsibility for everything I did out of my own toxicity many times. What can I say that would help you heal? I would love for both of us to be completely healed from wounds in 2009.
15 min later
B: What do you need to hear from me?
R: Well, for one, you wrongfully accused me of heinous things, then told, I don’t know how many people including K!
R: I’m going to sleep.
R: What do you mean?
B: My phone was malfunctioning. I just had to reboot it.
B: I was in intense pain. I sought help. I have since told the people I asked for help raving reviews of you.
R: I’m ready to go to sleep.
R: Who did you tell?
B: I have more than done damage control for times when I expressed my pain.
R: Who did you tell?
B: My therapist and a few close friends. It’s only fair to have someone to talk to when a person has a trauma. What do you think?
R: You didn’t have a trauma…I didn’t do anything!
B: What my friends hear most is I miss R and I love R so much.
R: I’m going to sleep.
B: When something is so painful it almost drives a person to su/icide, it’s a trauma. What do you think?
R: I didn’t do anything!
B: Am I accusing you? No, we agreed it was a schizophrenic attack. I feel like we keep talking in circles. I love you. I don’t blame you. I treasure you.
B: How could I lavish you with such rich esteem last week if I thought horrible things about you?
R: I’m going to sleep.
B: I wonder if the schizophrenia is blocking my love for you? I wonder if it is blocking these same things we have worked thru and resolved again and again? Good night.
R: Good night.
B: We have shared a lot of beautiful, harmonious conversation the past three months. Please don’t let the schizophrenia steal that level of healing we have reached.

Naturally, I feel frustrated all over again. Whenever it feels like forward progress, it never seems to stick. I have no idea how to relate to him next time he contacts me. I welcome feedback, if you would like.

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 9:42am
61: Laughing Goddess says:

Hi Jilly!

It’s Monday. Feeling curious to see what the crew is up to tonight. those kids always keep me guessing.

Any thoughts, feelings you’d like to express about our shared Interest?

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 9:44am
62: Laughing Goddess says:

Forest Siren: I love your new name.

I’m feeling kinda tired this morning. I went to a girlfriend’s birthday party last night and saw a group of friends that I’ve kinda drifted away from in the past few years.

It felt really great being around them. I felt happy to reconnect and appreciated their sense of fun, spontanaity, and acceptance.

I’m feeling loved up right now.

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 9:50am
63: forest siren says:

Heres my feedback Radlove for what it’s worth. I’m not a therapist but this seems like circular thinking which could be a symptom of the schizophrenia. Also a touch of paranoia wondering if you were talking to people about him. And rehashing the past. And reassuring him of how you adore him.

What do you think of saying to him I don’t want to talk about the past anymore? Would he end the friendship with you? Unless it can be resolved? Because the schizophrenia may not let him resolve anything.

Disclaimer! Again I am not a therapist or mental health professional! This is just my lay persons take on it.

Also question. When you said r does not want to talk and he interpreted that as you not wanting to talk is that common?

Have you talked to a professional about schizophrenia and how best to support the person? If all you were ever to get from r was friendship would you be happy with that? And if you were to continue putting all this effort into it and he dated someone else how would you feel?
I hope I don’t sound harsh I just am suggesting some thoughts to consider.

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 10:00am
64: Rebecca says:

Radlove

I feel very confused and sad reading your text messages to R. R sounds very distressed to me. Hope he is okay.

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 10:02am
65: Tam says:

Radlove, that felt so painful to read, truly, but I feel scared to tell you any advice, and I have said it all already.
Basically, he is telling you over and over again. He does not understand what you are doing and saying by using terms that we use here like ‘overfunctioning’, ‘rowing the boat’ etc. It looks like he is pushed into a corner by your relentless texts.
Your best chance is to just drop it, but I know you don’t want to hear it. It feels like you are punishing yourself.
((((Radlove))))

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 10:04am
66: Radlove says:

(((Siren Angel)))

I know you are hurting, and I do not take away from the gravity of your feelings.

But what I see is ok, you are discovering something “off” about this man early on…before it is too late to back out. He is not solid with his commitment to you, AND he is really needing some work in the parenting department.

So, as much as it hurts, you are finding out what you DON’T want in your life before it is too late. Maybe over time, you will come to see eye to eye with him about things. But I see clearly that your relationship needs time.

I think a most successful marriage would be one where all the disagreements are resolved before “I do” is said. It is like a cake that is still not done baking. It needs to go back in the oven.

My personal opinion? He is being ridiculous about the parenting thing!

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 10:07am
67: forest siren says:

Laughing goddess hi! I googled some of the music you sirens were talking about yesterday shimshai and Tina malia. Loved them! I also made a list of all the festivals you mentioned and miss stix too. I feel a little bit of something I don’t know a pull towards something that I want more of. It will come I’m sure.

Can you recommend more music?

I read a sad story about a dog today and sobbed as if my heart is breaking. I feel grief stricken. I feel frightened for the grief that will come in my life not a good way to think but I can’t help it. I’m telling myself that tears are healing.

I’ve been away for a few weeks it feels nice to be home.

Last night I was driving home and a gangly baby fawn stepped out into the road. I swerved and thanked the great spirit for protecting us both from that. The dark and lovely forest is where the deer and fawns live …

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 10:07am
68: Radlove says:

From Rori:

If you’re already letting friends and family know about me, and if you’re doing stuff on facebook (I hardly do) or google+ or anywhere, you might as well get paid for every book you sell! I’m attaching this letter from my publishing company – the way it works is, the person uses your link that has a tracking number on it and ends up on my website page. The link could be on anything, a facebook post, an email to someone….. They sign up for my free eletters, and then if they buy a book – you get $24! (more than the book costs) – (The book is the only thing on this program, wish they’d start giving commissions on Modern Siren and the other programs – they just don’t….)

I know you don’t have “lists” or “market” – but if you’re out there talking me up, you might as well get paid for it! Please feel free to share this with other Sirens – perhaps ones who have blogs – as I know you will sometime soon….

Christine is one of the sweetest people on the planet. She’s so calm….

Love, Rori

Here’s the info:

A Whole New Way To Earn Cash With Hot Topic Media:
Top Converting EMAIL Creative For All 3 Brands

We’ve seen huge success with our newly developed email creative – and we want to share this success with you!

You can now find our top performing email creative (both text & HTML versions) on our affiliate information page. We’ve included step-by-step instructions on how to upload them and start making more money TODAY by sending dedicated emails to your lists and your members.

We’ve seen conversions from click to sale as high as 2% on this content!

As a reminder – our outstanding payouts:

Catch Him & Keep Him – You get $24 for every $29.97 eBook purchase
Double Your Dating – You get $40 for every $14.97 eBook purchase
Have The Relationship You Want – You get $24 for every $19.97 eBook purchase

For full instructions click here.

Don’t miss out on this opportunity to increase your revenue!

Any questions feel free to reach out anytime.

Thank You,
Christine Kriner
Hot Topic Media Affiliate Program

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 10:10am
69: Memulo says:

FS,

Yes a guy was driving me on a motorbike. I was not alone and once we started moving I realized that I better hold on to him. I was hugging him in the picture.

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 10:11am
70: Radlove says:

Tam,

65 = But he is bringing this stuff up! So how is it me keeping it going? I mean I am seriously not sure here…

If you were me, I really would like to know…what would you say next time he contacted you?

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 10:12am
71: Laughing Goddess says:

Radlove: I feel hesitant to offer feedback because I’m feeling very tired and sensitive and don’t want to catch flak if I say something in a way that triggers you.

With that said, after reading this exchange, I pretty much feel the same as I have felt about this situation for a long time, which is that your accusations about the false engagement and his efforts at mind control are driving a huge wedge between you.

It reaks of accusations, making one wrong, blame. And shifting the blame to the schitzophrenia is really no better. It still feels like a covert way to blame him.

It is possible to misread situations. For example, the way Belle’s post was interpreted on the last thread.

Like I said, I’m feeling very tired in the moment and sorry if I didn’t say this as gentle as you would like.

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 10:12am
72: Tam says:

Radlove, I don’t know. Keeping it light?!
It reads like you are trying to push, or be a therapist. Sorry but I am no expert….

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 10:19am
73: Radlove says:

Forest Siren,

63 – “What do you think of saying to him I don’t want to talk about the past anymore? Would he end the friendship with you? Unless it can be resolved? Because the schizophrenia may not let him resolve anything.

Terrific idea. Thank you! I will try that.

You said, “Also question. When you said r does not want to talk and he interpreted that as you not wanting to talk is that common?”

No, I still feel unsure why he reacted like that. But one thing that IS common is at times he will get confused in conversation, like he blanked out and forgets where we were and what we were talking about. That could have been one of those moments, but I’m not sure.

You asked, “Have you talked to a professional about schizophrenia and how best to support the person?”

Yes, in the past I talked to a number of professionals. At this point, I feel more confident in my own knowledge and understanding than that of most professionals, because I have done a lot of research.

You asked, “If all you were ever to get from r was friendship would you be happy with that? And if you were to continue putting all this effort into it and he dated someone else how would you feel?”

No, I wouldn’t. I would feel deeply disappointed and sad if he dated someone else. I feel unsure what to do about my feelings, so I am doing my best to use Rori’s visualizations in the moment.

Thanks for your feedback!

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 10:20am
74: Radlove says:

Tam,

72 – Thanks for your feedback! I hadn’t thought of it that way that I am trying to push or be a therapist. I was just feeling frustrated, because he routinely asks me all these deep questions about women and relationships. But it feels one sided, because he never answers the questions themselves.

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 10:23am
75: forest siren says:

Memulo ok well to me that seems provocative. Just me tho other sirens may have other opinions ..

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 10:24am
76: Rebecca says:

Radlove, you said:

‘at times he will get confused in conversation, like he blanked out and forgets’

I went out with a guy like this. Well it wasn’t a good situation really. I felt like he had suppressed anger towards me.

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 10:25am
77: Siren Angel says:

Radlove,

It seems to me like you are doing all the explaining for the past actions/behavior and you are asking a lot of questions.

I see that when he contacts you again in a more romantic way, your tendency is to rehash/apologize/explain.

It feels like a constant repetition of this pattern.

I see you may have a lot more success by simply deciding (together or alone) to STOP talking. Stop talking about the past. Stop asking questions.

He seems intrigued by softness and finds you and your soul beautiful. Why not focus on just being wonderful you, just BEEING, soft, warm, inviting, and feeling.

xx

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 10:26am
78: Siren Angel says:

Radlove @66,

Yes, it does feel ridiculous and unreal. Thank you.

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 10:29am
79: Siren Angel says:

Radlove,

You are doing everything right, EXCEPT about rehashing past disagreements or behavior and asking questions. If you can just stop doing these 2 things I sense you will get much more success and clarity.

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 10:32am
80: Daria says:

forest Siren – lyme is EXTREMELY serious but easily cured. many people go on for years without knowing they have it. i will take my time and bring you what i can offer to help. thank you for asking me i feel honored.

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 10:33am
81: Siren Angel says:

Radlove, I warn you, this may be harsh:

“R: I’m going to sleep.
B: I wonder if the schizophrenia is blocking my love for you? I wonder if it is blocking these same things we have worked thru and resolved again and again? Good night.
R: Good night.
B: We have shared a lot of beautiful, harmonious conversation the past three months. Please don’t let the schizophrenia steal that level of healing we have reached. ”

Do you see how here is is pulling away and shutting down (from all your questioning and rehashing) and you are answering by trying to ‘fix’ it by leaning forward after all the previous explaining you did (because as a Siren, you already know you’re not supposes to explain). Do you see how if you never went to the explaining, you would not have to do this and could simply respond ‘ok. good night, I am feeling sleepy and warm’ (or whatever words you choose). DO you see how much calmer you would be after such an easy and warm interaction (instead of worried and panicked over all that was said and wondering and hoping that your ‘fixing’ leaning forward worked miracles?)

(((Radlove)))

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 10:38am
82: Rebecca says:

Sometimes people shut down when they are scared.

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 10:39am
83: Belle says:

((((Radlove))))

I felt my heart open and go deeper into a dark and velvety place reading your texts with R.

I’m interpreting this as you are wanting the person who wounded you to somehow also heal you.
And he can’t. It’s like you were in a car wreck and you were both badly mangled and are looking to each other to get stitched and bandaged up.

Your pain is and was real, but he doesn’t have the capacity to heal it or validate it for you.

I feel choked up with tears right now, I feel so much love for you. I trust your walk with Jes/us and trust you will receive the healing your heart and soul are aching for.

I’m holding sosososo many hugs and a tsunami of tender compassion for you here in my heart.

(¯`v´¯)
`*.¸.*´
¸.•´¸.•*¨)¸.•*¨)
(¸.•´ (¸.•´ .•´¸¸.•

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 10:42am
84: Siren Angel says:

Radlove,

I wish you so much love, and I am feeling angry that such an experienced Siren would do this kind of texting.

Text light and warm. Love. xx

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 10:42am
85: Siren Angel says:

Radlove,

Have you ever said these words to R (not followed by long explanations):

You are right. I’m sorry.

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 10:50am
86: Femininewoman says:

forest siren I agree with you on the Memulo issue.
Memulo I hope you will understand what FS is saying.

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 10:52am
87: Siren Angel says:

Radlove,

Can you just say ‘bye’ to a texting mini-match that does not feel good to you? Or simply ‘ok’ and letting it be?

I feel a little triggered here, I hope you are taking it well.

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 10:52am
88: Rebecca says:

Sorry, I meant to say people sometimes shut down when they feel scared of being attacked. Men are very sensitive in my opinion and really fear being verbally attacked by a woman.

Someone said to me once ‘You build him up to know him down..’

Dunno, just saying.. I finding it all a bit scary and I feel scared reminding me of the past..

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 10:54am
89: Rebecca says:

* Knock him down..

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 10:55am
90: Siren Angel says:

Memulo,

I feel like FS and FW on this one.

However, I would not lean forward now as it would only make it worse. If it comes up again you could say something like ‘I felt so fun and excited motorcycling with my good pal, I wanted to share it with you’

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 10:56am
91: Femininewoman says:

Siren Angel/Memulo – I would share it as Rori talks about sharing your passion in Reconnect. Talk about the wind in my face, the feel of abandon and excitement riding on the back of a bike, the thrill and the excitement of it all. Living one of my passions though maybe feeling scared shit!less at the time. Forget about the pal. Maybe living the dream of the teenager inside me that I might have forgotten for years and how happy I was jumping at the opportunity when it presented itself.

Lilybelly, I believe could give some good feeling messages. I believe she is one siren who enjoys riding on backs of Harleys. It is a secret fantasy of mine that I never really engaged in.

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 11:01am
92: Femininewoman says:

Daria you seem to be so knowledgeable and resourceful about so many topics.

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 11:07am
93: forest siren says:

Thank you Daria for your time. (((Daria))) I trust your wisdom in the healing arts.

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 11:10am
94: Radlove says:

Rebecca,

64 – “I feel very confused and sad reading your text messages to R. R sounds very distressed to me. Hope he is okay.”

I feel very confused, too. I wonder if his distress is real or if it is psychological manipulation. I just don’t feel clear what he wants from me. Something just doesn’t add up.

If he is truly this upset about 2009, then why am I still in his life at all, much less why is he spending hours a night texting me and seeing me about once a week?

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 11:11am
95: Smile says:

Wow sirens, back to work today. This blog moves soooo fast!

Tam and forest siren, my laptop had to be kept at work to be updated. Oo and I got a shiny new computer in my classroom! This has made my life feel easier already. It was the source of much stress last term.

Will havd to dig the cc stuff off my hard drive tomorrow as I havd nothing to plug it into lol.

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 11:12am
96: Radlove says:

Siren Angel,

87 – “Can you just say ‘bye’ to a texting mini-match that does not feel good to you? Or simply ‘ok’ and letting it be?”

Novel idea! Why didn’t I think of that?

It is really hard for me to walk away. Sorta like a bulldog fighting for a bone, huh? I’ll give that some thought.

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 11:13am
97: forest siren says:

Ooh FW I felt thrilled reading your description of being on the bike. It felt like how I feel horse back riding. But also how I feel on the motorbike. I like how you have to keep balance with the driver and mould yourself to them. If you shift in the wrong direction it can throw everything off. And you follow their lead.

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 11:14am
98: Smile says:

Tam, are you still feeling like a headless chicken?

Hoping your feeling more relaxed now.

In terms of preparing for Florida, I would maybe try Roris magnet tool. Also think positively, law of attraction and all that!

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 11:15am
99: Femininewoman says:

forest siren that literally gave me the sense of movement and flow hehe.

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 11:17am
100: Radlove says:

Siren Angel,

“Have you ever said these words to R (not followed by long explanations):

You are right. I’m sorry.”

Novel idea! Why didn’t I think of that?

Seriously, yes, I have. And it seems he forgets how many times I have said them! Over and over we have gone thru this stuff.

Maybe those are the words he wants to hear.

I feel resistant to saying I’m sorry over and over because in the past, I was shamed and figuratively had my nose rubbed in my sh’it. So as a point of personal honor, I got to the point where I would just apologize once and then stop.

Maybe with his schizophrenia, he doesn’t remember how many times I’ve apologized. I apologized as recently as Wed 1.5 weeks ago. Because part of it WAS my toxicity.

But he doesn’t seem to want to face that I was hurt too. I feel like my deep feelings of pain are invalidated by all he says.

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 11:17am
101: Megan says:

Starla,

I feel happy reading your comment about how much your life has changed and how happy you are.

It feels resonating to me, the part about hitting rock bottom but feeling happy anyway.

Do you practice LOA?
I recently felt very alone and helpless and in a short time of learning and practicing LOA good things started materializing.

I feel interested to hear your input on this…

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 11:17am
102: Smile says:

Forest siren

97
I like how you have to keep balance with the driver and mould yourself to them. If you shift in the wrong direction it can throw everything off.

Haha this reminded me of the time I went at the front of a tandem bike and rode us both straight into a ditch!

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 11:18am
103: Smile says:

FW, I read many helpful reposts as I caught up on the blog. Just wanted to say thank you.

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 11:20am
104: Radlove says:

Siren Angel,

84 – “I wish you so much love, and I am feeling angry that such an experienced Siren would do this kind of texting.

Text light and warm. Love. xx”

Thanks for your feedback. I feel “yikes” that I am seen as an experienced Siren. Yikes, I still feel like such a baby in the world of emotional intelligence!

I need the reminder to text light and warm, even tho I feel cringeing to hear that.

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 11:20am
105: Tam says:

Hi Smile and thank you!!!
Yes, still headless chicken though evening time is better. Feeling very unsettled, hope that goes away again …
Can’t stop thinking
Oh, the magnet tool, how was that again..

How was your first day in work??

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 11:20am
106: Tam says:

Back at work I meant

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 11:20am
107: Femininewoman says:

See how easily the bike riding expedition can be turned into sharing your passion for life and sharing your excitement.

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 11:21am
108: Smile says:

Hi radlove,

I was wondering who initiates the texts conversations?

What stands out from your text conversations for me is how they are always about the same thing.

I agree with other sirens to keep them light.

Sending much sireny love x

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 11:22am
109: Siren Angel says:

Just made myself a yummy almond milk, almond butter, pineapple, mango, been pollen smoothie. I feel whole and healthy and fruity and sweet. Every cell in my body is thanking me for taking such good care of me, even if I am also feeling sadness.

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 11:22am
110: forest siren says:

Siren angel I feel such a lovely calming soft vibe from you and yet I know you have a strong core. Any man would be lucky to have you!

Radlove let’s try something together. I want to start saying things like oh I feel tired of texting it would feel so good to do something fun what do you think? can you do that with r? It’s tricky cos you are getting a lot of airtime with him texting about all this stuff so you would be risking that but friendships are about doing fun things together right? and it would be good to get away from these questions and rehashing.

For me it would be fun to go rollerblading, kayaking, swimming, zip lining, motorbike riding, has r ever been horse back riding? I know these things cost money so what else is free that you guys could do together? Volunteer at an animal shelter? Help with your mom taking her for a car drive?

Just thinking aloud. I know you are looking for work and have animal and family commitments. I’m writing this for myself too to get away from texting.

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 11:22am
111: Memulo says:

FS, SA, FW,

Thank you, I will mention something to this extent when I talk to him. I won’t lean forward on this one, plus he is not asking me anything. Maybe it didn’t feel provocative to him.

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 11:23am
112: Femininewoman says:

Siren Angel that sounds so yummy and healthy at the same time.

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 11:24am
113: Tam says:

If the truth be known it was the sending of the love song that threw me off kilter. I was lulling myself into a sense of security by telling myself he really just wants friendship….it was getting comfy…and then that!
And now my subconscious is trying to tell me ‘don’t worry, he’s got someone else anyway’.
I think it’s my fears speaking…fears of inviting drama back into my life.
I don’t want drama, I want nice times.

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 11:25am
114: Femininewoman says:

Memulo maybe. But it could make for great scripting practice.

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 11:25am
115: Radlove says:

(((Belle)))

83 – Wow, I feel your embrace! Thank you so much! That was very, very sweet, and I love the drawing at the end!

You are right, he isn’t able to bring me healing.

I feel double confuzzled. I don’t know what to do with this relationship. I don’t know at all.

Scenario #1: Here’s one idea: If the next time he contacted me I said, “R, I have feelings for you way above and beyond friendship. It would feel good to take a break for a while.”

Then it would be healthy for the relationship, but I can’t do it, because within 24 hours, I would be texting him crying, missing him.

Scenario #2: I could play it cool next time he contacts me. I could say I don’t want to talk about the past anymore. But then that thing would remain, because here it is 3 years later. Just go with the flow in the moment.

Scenario #3: I could tell him I am going on an emotional vacation and am not going to be in contact with him for a month. During that month, I could drop all contact with the blog as well, just focusing on me, my heart, my life, etc. But within 24 hours, I’d anxiously be checking the blog and texting R.

(((My emotional needinesss)))

Scenario #4: ?

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 11:26am
116: ruth says:

100 Radlove (I feel bad cos this is going to come over masculine, I do not have these feeling messages at all sorted yet)
Your pain was very real.You have said though that you have done a lot of self work and have healed a great deal.Brava! for that
However, it was * your* pain, nots R’s.You addressed it and moved on

keep moving on!

Does it matter whether or not he acknowledges that pain now it is in your past and healed??
Why do you need him to validate your pain?I feel confused about this cos you have done so much self healing that this feels as though it truly should be in the past
Its done
isnt it??
I feel all mixedup here.Sometimes you seem like two different people.
Though i guess we are all like that

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 11:27am
117: Smile says:

Using the word sorry… Found this interesting!

As women – we can’t seem to say what we feel and what we mean without feeling like we have to backtrack the moment we make someone else unhappy.

This is your “sorry.”

Get rid of “sorry” and say “I feel bad.” “I feel guilty.”

This is the Words part of all this that makes a huge difference, and this is what I mean by ORGANIC.

We’re talking authenticity here. We’re talking truth.

Now – we need to talk more about WORDS, and how the words we use are either out of our masculine selves or our feminine selves, and this judging thing – how it works.

If you are judging another – you’re judging yourself. Period.

If you’re feeling judged – you’re judging. Period. That’s how it works.

So – What Is Judging?

Let’s make it simple: Judging requires the use of your brain.

It’s a masculine energy experience.

It’s taking an uncomfortable FEELING – and out of a need to control, or do something with that feeling other than FEEL it – we go to judging that feeling, or that person who’s feeling that feeling that’s triggering us…it’s all a circle of control.

It’s a way of resisting FEELING.

So much of what we do to ourselves is about resistance – that’s where all the pain is – and that’s why I encourage you to let your feelings flow here – not as downers, but as part of the path you have to travel.

Here’s where the Rori Raye Mantra works with “Be Surprised.”

Let’s add a helpful thing: Curiosity.

I talk about this all the time, and the Trauma Therapy I recommend with Emily Van Horn – it’s all about curiosity.

About touching the deepest, darkest, most frightening places in ourselves – and instead of succumbing to judging the feelings, or running from them by numbing out, you just get “curious”!

That’s all you have to do – get curious about your sensations and feelings – they are not the end result!

Feelings are like fuel. Like gas in the car of your life.

Also they’re the rudder of your ship – they’re the compass, the direction finder.

Try to see the FLOW of all this…see how we bounce around from feeling to feeling to thought to thought.

What we’re trying to do here is INTERRUPT the OLD PATTERN, and build a completely new process for ourselves.

An organic process that will become automatic as you practice it.

This is a lifelong practice. Start now.

You fabulous ladies are ahead of the game right now.

Keep going, and don’t allow yourselves to worry about the impact you have on anyone else.

Strive for truth – YOUR truth – and stay away from advising anyone and getting into your brains.

That’s where we all run into trouble.

Just talk about how your feelings are moving around, how you’re getting triggered – and if you get triggered in a negative way – that’s the time to process through it, and then get to a channeling moment.

I want this blog to be all positive and uplifting – but when you’re sad, I want you to say you’re sad. Let others know you need help.

And if you hear someone ask for help because she’s sad – say how sad you were and now you’re feeling better and so will she!

Share what YOU did, instead of telling her what to do – and we’ll all stay in our feminine and get the most out of this support group we can.

I want new women to come here – and I want them to feel free to tell us all we’re brilliant and fabulous, or to tell us all we suck.

That’s the only way we’re going to approximate the real world and continue to lift each other up no matter WHAT.

Love, Rori

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 11:27am
118: Siren Angel says:

oooooooh… I feel cold velvety shivers of revitalization streaming in my body…

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 11:27am
119: Femininewoman says:

Tam assume that love is always there. That is what I do now. It might not show up in the clothes you imagine but the practice is in letting go of expectations and the clinging on for dear life. Bask in the abundance and think like a banquet babe. Love is everywhere.

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 11:28am
120: Rebecca says:

Radlove

Ooooh I just want to put my arms around you and protect you.

He sounds like he wants you in his life, but on his terms, which means being completely submissive and not saying how you really feel at all.

Don’t you see he seems to know ‘you’re in love’ with him, but yet, he doesn’t seem to allow or encourage you to voice it.

And this feels terrifying to me. He sounds like a manipulator but I dare say you will havecto like it or lump it.

You have tried time and time again to get him to open up and he plays dumb. How many chances do you have to give him?

Move on. Shut the door. You are worth soooooo much more…

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 11:29am
121: Radlove says:

Forest Siren,

110 – “Radlove let’s try something together. I want to start saying things like oh I feel tired of texting it would feel so good to do something fun what do you think? can you do that with r? ”

I like that! Matter of fact, I did something similar just recently, but now I will expand on it. In Rori’s last teleseminar, she talked about the value of play! So you are right where you need to be!

I was texting R about a week ago, saying how I would enjoy playing board games and just playing and having fun. I am not sure, but I wonder if that’s what inspired him when we were together Friday night into Saturday to be so playful!

He was teasing me left and right, and it got really funny, and we were both laughing and smiling most of the evening! We cooked together, took a walk in a park, and it was exactly what Dr. Forest Siren ordered!

The thing that holds us back is that I live an hour away. I feel sure he would be spending a lot more time with me if I lived in the same town again. And I hope that happens soon, when my lease ends October 31st.

I will maybe spend less time texting him. I truly am getting sick of it, and he must be too!

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 11:31am
122: ruth says:

117 ooh smile

powerful stuff
Now i do feel bad about my post to radlove

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 11:32am
123: Femininewoman says:

Ruth I find your post really confusing so I guess you are confused. I ask myself if I truly want healing why wouldn’t I grab it and run with it? If I claim healing then where is the pain?

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 11:33am
124: Jenny says:

Posted in old blogg before I saw I new thread was up…so I just repost

About ADHD – I got an diagnose of it, since a doctor long time back, saw something else behind my depression.

For me, to get the diagnose…it was a kind of feeling of release. It made it easier to expain to other way I somethimes can do/think/feel diffrent then what is normally.

One of my biggest challenger have been to learn to deal with my adhd, so I can function better in a work. How can I use my strenght best…and what can I do in order to handle when my weakness shows up?

Baby steps, and being honest to myself…it took me like 2 years just to admit to myslef: “I have weakness and strenght”

Right now, I feel very strong and soft at the same time. I feel fascinated I an feel so complet oposite feeling at the same time.

My old would have tried to fight the both, or tried to make one stronger, so I could focus on one feeling…

Now I just accept them both and allow myself to feel them both, and even feeling disconfort from feeling to opposite feeling at the same time..and suddenly I feel 3 feelings…and often I start to feel giggle.

______________

So about last date, he sant and text and we are meeting tomorrow, and I feel nervous already…Was a long time, the eyes of a man made me speakless. I was a long time since a man looed me so deep into my eyes while speaking and smiling.

First date I have ever had where I felt; nervous, insecure, shy, strong, soft, female and beautiful – -all at once. I felt strange and at peace at the same time.

…and the best is the feeling of safe; I know so deep in my heart, that no matter what; My dates is jsut getting better and better

And I’m feeling very curious about what this young man have for messege for me, what I will learn about myself.

…oh and I’m starting to be ready for something serious, feeling bored from casual dating…and that feels scary and good and..gah I feel giggling right now.

Love and light to you all

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 11:34am
125: Tam says:

Thank you FW. It’s true.

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 11:34am
126: Laughing Goddess says:

My personal belief is that the only way to get past the 2009 issues, would be to take responsibility for having expectations and making assumptions that an engagement was imminent and taking responsibility for the fact that the expectations and assumptions are what caused the hurt feelings…and stop making him wrong in any way, even indirectly by blaming the schitzophrenia.

I would also look into what Rori says about not blaming, criticizing, asking the innocent question, making wrong.

I would feel so unwilling to get close to someone who accused me of something that I didn’t do.

I realize this might be a controversial view.

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 11:35am
127: Femininewoman says:

ruth – you must be triggered. Love that bad feeling.

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 11:35am
128: ruth says:

123
yes FW, I am indeed feeling confused

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 11:35am
129: Femininewoman says:

Jenny I believe the acceptance can be a game changer. It kinds of takes away the power over you and helps to turn your attention to something else.

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 11:37am
130: Radlove says:

Ruth,

116 – How you said this is just fine. Thanks for your feedback. I don’t feel a need to keep revisiting the past. R keeps bringing it up.

Sometimes when he does, I try different approaches to handle it. I just was seeing him as all oriented around his own hurt, and I wanted him to see that if I yelled, said nasty things, and crazy texted him (the things I apologized for), that it was because I was in deep pain that I could barely stand.

I was trying to connect by him seeing that the incident wasn’t all one sided. Apparently it didn’t work.

I don’t really need him to validate my pain. But obviously something serious happened for me to feel the worst pain of my life. Frankly, altho I am not saying it to him, I think much of it WAS intentional. But I am letting him shift the blame to his schizophrenia.

I just really am doing my best in a messed up situation. I am not going to sit back and be manipulated or brainwashed into thinking that I caused all of this, because I didn’t.

HE LED ME ON. I had every reason in the world to believe he was on the verge of a proposal. It was the ugliest, blackest time of my life. I am not going to allow anyone to try to convince me that it was my fault.

This was psychological abuse at its cruelest. I do not believe he was to blame, altho I believe he was aware at some level what he was doing. I am willing to let the schizophrenia take the blame.

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 11:40am
131: Siren Angel says:

Radlove,

“Scenario #1: Here’s one idea: If the next time he contacted me I said, “R, I have feelings for you way above and beyond friendship. It would feel good to take a break for a while.”

Then it would be healthy for the relationship, but I can’t do it, because within 24 hours, I would be texting him crying, missing him.

Scenario #2: I could play it cool next time he contacts me. I could say I don’t want to talk about the past anymore. But then that thing would remain, because here it is 3 years later. Just go with the flow in the moment.

Scenario #3: I could tell him I am going on an emotional vacation and am not going to be in contact with him for a month. During that month, I could drop all contact with the blog as well, just focusing on me, my heart, my life, etc. But within 24 hours, I’d anxiously be checking the blog and texting R.

(((My emotional needinesss)))

Scenario #4: ?”

These, frankly, feel drama-ish to me.

A text is a usually about 1 to 6 words. And it should look something like this:

R: Hi
B: hi
R: what are you doing? what have you been up to?
B: I feel happy you are asking, I feel very busy today/I feel just cozy today
R: What have you been busy with/what is it?
B: I felt so productive taking the dog to the vet and then I had some nice time with a friend
…
R: I still have scars
B: I feel so sorry, really deeply
R: I can’t get over the past
B: ok (I understand) /I feel sad
R: I can’t believe you told/did/said/whatever…
B: I feel a little overwhelmed right now
R: Allright
B: bye

…
R: Do you want to go to such place Sat night? but my intentions are not romantic
B: That would feel like so much fun!/I don’t feel good about that, so no.

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 11:40am
132: ruth says:

dont know if I feel triggered or not FW
Confused, certainly

hm,
ooh

I feel envious and now a bit angry-ugh and bad about feeling like that now.

Yes, this is a trigger
But i feel intimidated about sharing this sort of stuff because triggerirng often looks and feels to me like a personal attack

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 11:40am
133: Laughing Goddess says:

Hi Forest Siren, I feel so happy that you liked the music. I’m gonna think about more that I can share.

I’m feeling kinda triggered right now though so I’m gonna take a break and nurture myself and I’ll get back in a bit.

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 11:41am
134: Radlove says:

LG,

126 – I hear what you are saying. But this isn’t just a case of me having expectations. There were solid, concrete things he said and did that were paving the way to a proposal.

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 11:42am
135: Siren Angel says:

Radlove,

My point is, you don’t HAVE to tell him or explain that you don’t want to talk about the past. You don’t have to make excuses or ‘act cool’. You don’t have to do anything else than DANCE with him, with your feelings.

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 11:42am
136: smile says:

Tam, here is the magnet tool. It would feel great to go to florida as a magnet…and the best bit …you don’t need to do anything! you already are a magnet!

So how can I give you something to DO that’s about NOT doing ANYTHING?

Try this:

1.Picture yourself as a Magnet for men. See yourself that way from the outside.
2.Picture men running toward you from everywhere, pushing and shoving each other aside to get to you…
3.Now go INSIDE your picture and IMAGINE yourself DRAWING in men from everywhere – like a magnet you hold on the beach draws in thousands of little pieces of iron from the sand.
4.Now imagine that all you have to do is SMILE, and men will drop from the skies, fly at you from everywhere, and STICK to you like glue.
5.The next step is to simply EXPERIENCE how it FEELS to be a magnet (If you’re doing it full-out, it might feel uncomfortable and downright scary…)
I want you to do this small baby-step 24/7 – wherever you are, however you feel. KNOW that you already ARE a magnet -just because you’re a girl! (It doesn’t matter what age you think you are – you’re a girl, and you don’t have to do anything but BE what you already are!

It would feel great to imagine men running towards me. It reminds me of the lynx advert for men!

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 11:44am
137: luzydel says:

7 moths of no contact with “S” wow I don’t even miss him and sometimes I think about him but nothing else.
I can do this with “Dw” I can not contact him or reply to his texts. I can just disappear for him too.

I Will take care of my emotions, and since every time I get in contact with Dw, I end up wanting more and “that more” is not given to me, and then I feel angry frustrated and start feeling clingy, I rather not go through this game again. Just do like men do, Leave!!!
I do not need to give an explanation as to why I left, I just do, for my own sake I will. This is not what a want, so I leave it where it belongs (the Past).

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 11:46am
138: Radlove says:

LG,

71 – I honor your tired, sensitive feeling self.

I DIDN’T imagine it. I overheard his prayer three weeks after the incident, saying, “Brenda, I do, right? You accept, right?…what should I do? Don’t I deserve a little respect? ” That sort of stuff.

I think it’s probably better to just not talk about the past again for a while. We aren’t getting anywhere.

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 11:47am
139: Femininewoman says:

Ruth I said triggered because to me the scenario triggers confusion. I believe most people on the blog have an unconscious hope to see her sister siren healed. In the absence of this healing or suggestion of a clinging to the past it is my feeling that everyone kinda gets pulled back. For me personal I feel triggered to help others to keep their hopes up for their own selves and keep having faith that working the Rori tools will keep us moving forward. I believe it is a choice.

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 11:48am
140: Radlove says:

Siren Angel,

135 – “You don’t have to do anything else than DANCE with him, with your feelings.”

I really like that! Thanks!

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 11:48am
141: Tam says:

Thank you Smile, that’s great. I was briefly picturing me running for shelter as the guys are dropping out of the sky…this is making me giggle and has really cheered me up. I need to copy/paste this and take it with me
Thank you!

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 11:51am
142: Radlove says:

Siren Angel,

131 – I’ll try giving brief feeling messages around the sensitive topics. But as a whole, our texting has turned into full conversations for hours. I like what forest siren said about not texting so much.

But when we do text, we are having rich conversation, not just passing the time of day for five minutes. He said he would pick up the phone, but he doesn’t have sound privacy, living with his parents. So I go with it. But maybe from now on I shouldn’t, except for 5-10 min. It really is getting kinda old.

It had its place, and it helped me think thru feeling messages and slow down my communication. But maybe it’s over now.

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 11:52am
143: Femininewoman says:

Tam that was funny. I am here giggling at you running. I picture myself zoning in on more than one that is hot, sexy and have all that I dream of in a man. Then watching them competing to get to me first and offering that relationship with all the juicy commitment.

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 11:54am
144: ruth says:

139 FW

yeah
I think I do feel triggered now

But i feel scared to say why
I am feeling very vulnerable after last week on the blog and i felt yucky for days after

Right now I feel wiped out after not much sleep about eight hours driving and a very tough marathon this weekend.
i dont have the mental and emotional resources to deal with a lot at the moment
So feel hesitant about posting more
I apologise for being “cryptic” and i doo feel weak and silly for having to say this, but its the truth

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 11:55am
145: Laughing Goddess says:

Rad love:

Maybe we can agree to disagree on this one. I have read every single one of your posts over …what, three years now and I feel very strongly about this. I can see that you do too.

It feels futile for me to offer feedback if we can get past this point.

I do feel curious about what he meant by “don’t I deserve a little respect?”

I love ya, Radlove but this situation seriously makes me feel like banging my head against the wall.

It would probably feel better if I just mind my own business.

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 11:56am
146: Siren Angel says:

Radlove,

Yes! Except he is leading the dance and it’s backwards. He moves back a step (cold, talks about the past, just a nothing text) , you move back too (ok/bye). He moves in a step (nice text with no past/invitation), you move in too.

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 11:56am
147: smile says:

Tam,

113 – You are so on your bridge, keep going, keep feeling. Don’t worry bout trying to work it out and what it means.

Going back to work didn’t feel as exhausting as I thought it was going to be. It feels so rewarding. I feel excited about tomorrow but i know i will feel shattered by the end of the week.

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 11:57am
148: Daria says:

Thanks FW I feel seen and smily

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 11:58am
149: Femininewoman says:

Ruth that reminds of HALT

H.A.L.T.

Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired

This tried and true slogan helps us to stay in touch with our feelings and needs. Sometimes the onset of anxiety or a sudden drop in mood can be traced to our having forgotten to eat so our blood sugar levels are off kilter. Sometimes we may be carrying a resentment, or feeling lonely, or we are just too tired. Taking a little time out from our busy day to ask ourselves if we are feeling too Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired, gets us in touch with our feelings. When we know what we are feeling we can make choices and take the appropriate action to get our needs for food, companionship, or rest, met.

Being too hungry, angry, lonely, or tired, are conditions that leave us more vulnerable to the temptations that lead us away from our program of dual recovery. Part of recovery is learning to pay attention to these inner signals and practice appropriate ways to meet our needs and resolve issues in a manner that will enhance our abstinence and serenity

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 11:59am
150: Laughing Goddess says:

In feeling messages…

I feel sad and defensive for R (I don’t even know him) because I know how bad it feels to be accused on something that I didn’t do.

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 11:59am
151: Siren Angel says:

Brenda,

“He said he would pick up the phone, but he doesn’t have sound privacy, living with his parents. So I go with it. But maybe from now on I shouldn’t, except for 5-10 min. It really is getting kinda old.”

I see a potential easy evolution to the phone when you stop texting. Have you ever considered that if you keep the texting light, he may feel compelled to call you on the phone for these conversations?

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 12:00pm
152: Tam says:

Ok, Smile, will do. Will sink into my fear and anxiety. Good advice..
I hope it’s horminal and will go away…
Glad to hear work was ok!

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 12:00pm
153: smile says:

tam, glad it cheered you up. I imagined your legs feeling really heavy to lift as you walked along the beach due to the long line of men attached to your ankles, clutching on as you strolled across the sand watching hot men surfing

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 12:00pm
154: Femininewoman says:

Oh Smile. I feel so sad reading about that expectation. I felt an aawww of disappointment inside.

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 12:00pm
155: smile says:

I have noticed a big change in my emotions when I came off the pill at xmas when strummingman moved out.

I feel more balanced.

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 12:01pm
156: ruth says:

FW
Oh yes

I fulfilled all the big four of HALT this morning
Funnily enough i was just thinking about that

The H has been dealt with, but not in the best way

(you know there should be another H for Hormonal too really)

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 12:01pm
157: Radlove says:

Rebecca,

120 – Thank you! A lot of what you said resonates with me. When I got off the phone with him last night, I felt emotionally exhausted. I felt like walking away.

But now today, I already feel the excitement abou the next time he will contact me.

Relationships aren’t supposed to be this difficult. It feels like he is raising the stakes. Like yeah, my feelings don’t mean anything, and if I want him in my life, I am supposed to apologize for being hurt to the core. Ain’t gonna happen.

I am thinking maybe I need at least an emotional attitude of walking away. I don’t know if I have the strength to walk away and take a break, even for a month. Just going to go lay on the bed and snuggle with my doggies for a while and soothe my heart.

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 12:02pm
158: smile says:

FW, which expectation?

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 12:03pm
159: Radlove says:

FW,

If you feel like I am holding back the other women, feel free to discuss it with Rori. I don’t intend to hold anyone else back. I am processing some deep stuff in my life, and Rori has welcomed us to do that on her blog, to use it sort of as a journal.

I am doing my best here with my process.

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 12:03pm
160: ruth says:

155 Smile
I came off the pill in 2005 after about 20 years on it
I had the opposite experience!

I feel happy that you are feeling more balanced though

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 12:03pm
161: Femininewoman says:

‘but i know i will feel shattered by the end of the week.’

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 12:04pm
162: Radlove says:

Siren Angel,

151 – Very wise, right on, thank you! Yes!

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 12:05pm
163: Radlove says:

LG,

150 – What if he DID do it?

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 12:06pm
164: Tam says:

Smile, truthfully I was laughing out loud with the ankles comment. I just hope those men aren’t the aging (married) Italian Gigolo that was stalking me on the beach and went through great lengths explaining to me that he is single because his wife is on a work assignment out of town (yuck), or the huge guy who took his shorts off last time whilst talking about economics…,and lets just say the GDP was not growing but something else was!! I RAN!!!!
Just imagining they’d hold onto my ankles too, I’d scream for help
But yes, I’ll be dragging most of South Florida’s male occupants by my ankles…sounds good to me

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 12:06pm
165: Radlove says:

Siren Angel,

146 – “Radlove,

Yes! Except he is leading the dance and it’s backwards. He moves back a step (cold, talks about the past, just a nothing text) , you move back too (ok/bye). He moves in a step (nice text with no past/invitation), you move in too.”

Nice, thanks!

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 12:07pm
166: Femininewoman says:

Tam – I almost fell off the chair laughing.

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 12:08pm
167: smile says:

Ruth, I have read a lot of people experience bad side effects like stomach cramps with coming off it too.

I have been on it for 11 years.

I feel fortunate.

I remember I always cried every 3rd thursday…I felt so low at times, even though my life felt happy and good. I would just be awash with depression for a brief time. Since I have come off it, I have not experienced my every 3rd thursday dreaded day.

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 12:09pm
168: Femininewoman says:

I wonder if any of you ladies have ever brought up the conversation about the man taking at least some of the responsibility for birth control?

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 12:11pm
169: smile says:

Tam, I guess you will have to sift through what your magnet attracts. A bit like putting a net into the sea, pulling out some beautiful fish but also an old shoe and a rusty tin can!

I feel giggly!

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 12:11pm
170: Laughing Goddess says:

Radlove: what if he didn’t?

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 12:11pm
171: Femininewoman says:

It seems we assume the responsibility is ours, though I can understand the reason why.

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 12:12pm
172: Tam says:

FW, feeling happy to have amused me. Both those stories happened and I still laugh about them now.
I still see the Exhibitionist now and then, well he is harmless, even though he did nearly poke my eyes out

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 12:13pm
173: ruth says:

167
Smile, my PMT is a thousand times worse off the pill

BUT I have been quite enjoying feeling my natural hormonal cycle which i had not felt since 17
even if i smash things as i am so clumsy in PMT week

there is one week of real mental clarity too

I just have to make allowances for myself in thebad week

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 12:13pm
174: Tam says:

To have amused you!! Not me, well me too..

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 12:14pm
175: Radlove says:

LG<

145 – It makes me feel like banging my head against the wall, too. So I can imagine it makes you feel that way. BTW, it's been 2 yrs plus a few months. I started on the blog in April 2010, altho I started listening to Rori's programs April 2009.

You said, "I do feel curious about what he meant by “don’t I deserve a little respect?”"

I wonder about that, too. I think he thought I was pushing him out of the relationship bubble, as it were, and that it was HIS decision to be in a relationship or not. My theory is that he was trying to teach me a lesson about listening to what he said, that he didn't want a relationship, even tho he was DOING things that totally led me on.

LG, we can agree to disagree if you like.

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 12:14pm
176: Tam says:

Smile yeah, lots of old shoes and tin cans…but they have their uses

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 12:15pm
177: Laughing Goddess says:

I do believe the possibility that he was entertaining the idea of an engagement and perhaps got cold feet.

Nothing I have read over all of these years gives me the impression that it was done intentionally to manipulate or control.

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 12:15pm
178: MissStix says:

Oh I wish I had time for a lengthy response…

Radlove

He is triggering you into explaining.

Take some breaths and sit in it a while. Re-read the convo. Stop any and all apologies or explanations. No more re-hashing. Be firm.

<3

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 12:16pm
179: Rebecca says:

Radlove

Why do you want a relationship with someone who keeps ‘raising the stakes’?? why? why? why?

This is not a relationship!!

You shouldn’t feel ‘bad’ every time you try to discuss how you feel with him. He should be warm and kind and want to ‘know’ how you feel. Not shut you out.

Yuck.

It looks like pain to me…

I feel so sad. I am picturing you lying on your bed crying and that feels bad that this ‘relationship’ is making you feel like this.

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 12:17pm
180: Radlove says:

LG,

170 – I have a number of things that are solid PROOF.

Here are the things that happened within two weeks of his fake proposal:

He started talking about a proposal almost every evening, saying things like a proposal is the most romantic part of a relationship.

He got a loan for a few thousand dollars, not telling me what it was for.

We went did karaoke at a bar, and he sang a song about, “I’m working hard to buy you a ring.”

He talked about how wonderful it was that I was losing an average of 3 lbs a week, calculating when in the future I would be down to my right weight.

I took a sneak peek in his journal while he had it open, which I know I shouldn’t have done. It said, “I want her to be dazzling on our wedding day.”

He had a small, stuffed angel with a pocket sewn in the back for holding prayer requests. He had given me an angel, too. When we went to the diner or now and then, he would ask me if I still had my angel. We would pull them out, and he would hold his up to mine and pretend they were kissing.

One night when he was leaving my house, he left his angel in my bed. The way he looked at me, just before he dropped it, left me with the impression that it was accidentally on purpose. Again, I know I shouldn’t have looked at his prayer request, but it said, “Please help me let go what I need to let go so I can be with this woman.”

He had gazed at me for a long time, saying, “I love you,”, while looking deeply into my eyes, on several occasions.

We had played around sexually off and on, never actually having sex. He said he didn’t want to see a lover orgasm unless he knew she was his Soul Mate, and they were committed to each other. So he never took me to that point. Just close to that point. He asked me what I would need in order to have sex. I said I would have to be married, or at least engaged. He said one night, “I think I will be having sex in the very near future, like in the next few days!”

I am 15 years older, and one night he said, “I think a woman will remain youthful well into her older years if she is well loved.” He said the same night, “I want to forget how old I am, and when someone asks my age, I want to say, ‘I don’t remember.’”

We went to the diner and I enjoyed the most romantic activity of my life! We each took a piece of paper and wrote a line of a poem. Then we switched papers and each wrote the second line of each other’s poem. then we switched papers again, back and forth, until we felt content that it was finished. We realized that the two pages blended perfectly as the beginning half and ending half of the poem. The most significant line he wrote was, “She is ALL he ever wanted.” I will post the whole poem in another post, for those who haven’t read it.

Right around the time he took the loan, my own ring disappeared from my jewelry box. I didn’t say anything, because I assumed R had borrowed it to size a ring.

On a Sunday morning, I was at church while my friend, Cris, and her two kids were staying at my house, because they were temporarily homeless. After church, I went out for lunch with a friend. When I got home around 1 or 2 pm, Cris and her kids told me R had been there. I said, “Whaaat??” He never came without contacting me first. They said he hung out for about 2 hours, waiting for me. I felt surprised he hadn’t contacted me for two hours. He had hung out in the dining room for a while, then used the bathroom, then gone out to his car to wait.

When I went in the bathroom, there it was! My own ring! Setting on the center of the counter in the bathroom! I ran out excitedly telling my friends, “He came to propose to me! He was here to propose!!” I excitedly called him, and I left a voicemail, letting him know I was happy he had stopped by and I was home now.

For the next 5 days or so, he seemed very reserved, and ultra vigilant of everything I said and did. He didn’t return my call until the next day. He didn’t see me until Tuesday. We went to another karaoke at a bar and he seemed super withdrawn. All thru the evening, over and over, he asked, “How are you doing?” Like he was waiting for me to say something.

I figured if he was going to propose, maybe he got cold feet, or I don’t know what. But I knew at least that much, that he is the one who should bring it up. But I felt really, really weird!

My leaning forward self invited him to an outdoor festival that Saturday. My leaning forward self bought him a half dozen of wooden roses that were being sold at one of the stands. He seemed uninterested. My leaning forward self was nibbling on his hand as we lay on the ground where the concert was. He pulled his hand away. Something felt horribly wrong, and I was too blind to how badly I was operating in masculine energy to realize what I was doing that was not working.

In the afternoon, he had me drop him off (he is on disability and the only car use he has is when he borrows his parents’ cars).

That evening, he called me and said he has something important to discuss, asking if he could meet me at my house. I was out with a friend, so I arranged to meet him in a half hour. I remember saying to her, “This could be really good or really bad.”

We sat on the sofa, and he asked, “How are you doing?”

“Fine”

“Everything is going all right?”

Again, i felt like he was trying to get me to say something about why he had come last Sunday unannounced and hung out at my house. Finally he said, “I just wanted to tell you, it’s just a friendship. I’m not in love with you.”

With those softly spoken words, I felt the deepest pain I had ever felt, because all my love, hope, dreams, and trust were at their height.

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 12:17pm
181: ruth says:

168 FW

lets just say that in the dim and distant past I wasnt always in a committed relationship.
So I made sure i could not get pregnant

The BCP was then the most reliable thing around

I would not have relied on the man-saw it as self protection really

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 12:18pm
182: smile says:

FW, its my truth that I often feel exhausted after work

My job feels so rewarding though a million times over, that I put more effort in. I am trying really hard to get a good work life balance. Being around young children feels demanding and exhausting, but in a good way. I work with challenging children, lots of individual needs. Many of the children’s homes and backgrounds are not good, so a lot of my work is about their emotional needs as well as their education.

I feel cared for at work though and have a supportive environment.

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 12:19pm
183: Radlove says:

Rebecca,

179 – Thank you. Thank you for helping me feel clear minded. I need that insight. I need my head cleared. It feels confusing sometimes.

So on that basis, when he contacts me next, I should say this feels bad and I need a break for awhile…

…right?

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 12:19pm
184: smile says:

FW – It was always my control, I wanted to take responsibilty whilst I was younger.

I would be open to other methods now though.

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 12:23pm
185: Radlove says:

LG,

And again, do you co-write a poem this rich in meaning just a week or so before telling a woman you are not in love with her and it is just a friendship?

We alternated writing lines. HE wrote the line, “She’s ALL he ever wanted”

Beyond Intimacy

Delving deep into her heart
Profound emotion lifts her to a heavenly plane
A plane where,
Where the sensation
Falls on her spirit like the first warm rays of spring sunshine
She’s uplifted,
Heart, mind, body, and soul,
She is woman, she is beauty, she is life
She’s ALL he ever wanted,
They dance,
The dance of the Spirit
She has ceased being Her
Has gone beyond even being His
She has given birth to
No, they have given birth to a new life…
US, WE, OUR, TOGETHER…
Some of the most beautiful words in language!
Emerge,
Total consciousness in their being

Yes, their one Being!

Beyond touch, beyond words,
The dance of spirits elevates
And twists beyond ALL bounds…
Beyond all bounds, two spirits mingle beyond this earth
Never to return,
They have landed in Heaven
Male and female, heaven and earth, passion and tears
Floods, floods of emotion
Fill their souls
Raining down warm cleansing rains of sensual fulfillment
Sensual fulfillment,
Beyond any they’ve ever known,
Floats them freely down (up??) the stream of
The stream of
Heavenly intoxication
They’ve tasted
The fruit,
They’ve tasted
The wine,
They’ve tasted

The Beyond of intimacy!

Ryan and Radlove
July 9, 2009

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 12:23pm
186: ruth says:

180

Every time I read about this radlove I feel pain

I cannot begin to imagine what you must have felt

I want to help

I know i cant though

Only you can do that

Thank you for sharing Roris mails earlier BTW

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 12:23pm
187: Laughing Goddess says:

Radlove: re 180 see 177

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 12:23pm
188: smile says:

Ruth, I felt sad to read about your PMT. Slather on the love during that week!

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 12:24pm
189: smile says:

Tam, felt giggly at the poking of eye out comment to FW. Got my chuckle button that did.

Florida sounds interesting lol

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 12:26pm
190: ruth says:

188 Smile

thankyou
xx

That feels nice to read

The worst feeling is the “wading through treacle exhaustion”

but i expect i shall miss it once it is gone

*little wry smile*

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 12:27pm
191: Siren Angel says:

Radlove,

I believe the part about ‘you are the first domino’ in Modern Siren really applies to your texting. Domino simple, nice, feelings or simple, bad feelings. And if they all crash down, say ‘bye’ or ‘talk a little later’ if the latter distresses you too much.

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 12:27pm
192: Femininewoman says:

ruth I understand. But then my mind goes to STDs?

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 12:27pm
193: Radlove says:

Rebecca,

My Mom just called bursting with good news! She discussed moving in with me with both of my brothers today. Amazingly, they are in agreement!

In the past, they weren’t, and they said they are not going to be supportive in any way if I remove her from the nursing home. I guess they see after almost 2.5 years that she is just wasting away in sadness and hopelessness.

They talked with the social worker at the nursing home, who set up a meeting on Wednesday, when I pick her up to come home for a week. Yay! The agreement of my brothers will make all the difference in this.

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 12:28pm
194: Siren Angel says:

Radlove, I would add that if you choose to text a simple bad feeling and he does not reply, that doesnt mean that you should domino simple after to reassure yourself that all is ok.

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 12:29pm
195: Siren Angel says:

Radlove, I meant:

Radlove, I would add that if you choose to text a simple bad feeling and he does not reply, that doesnt mean that you should domino simple nice (or worse explanations) after to reassure yourself that all is ok.

Stand by your move, and react to his NEXT move.

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 12:30pm
196: smile says:

Ruth

“wading through treacle exhaustion”

I imagined you building up really big muscles here, good exercise lol! My mind is being silly tonight

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 12:30pm
197: ruth says:

192 FW

yes, quite correct that it should FW

I was a lucky girl
I am talking about the eighties here

I think nowadays there is more emphasis on asking the man to use a condom

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 12:30pm
198: Laughing Goddess says:

Radlove: I really remember all of this. I’ve been paying attention to what you’ve written all along and none of these details have escaped me and reiterating it to me again isn’t going to change my perspective.

Right now I feel sad and frustrated.

I feel hopeful that I might have a little tweak that could change everything between you two and I feel so sad that it isn’t being received.

I imagine that you feel similar.

I have to get to work now. I will read your response later.

I feel bad that you spent so much time reiterating what I’ve already heard when I know we both have so much going on. I don’t want to argue with you about this. Ultimately it’s your life and you know what is best for you.

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 12:31pm
199: Rebecca says:

Radlove

Absolutely! Spot on.

Then my guess is he may ask you a leading question like ‘are you okay?’

He doesn’t really mean it, because in the past when you have said ‘no, you are not’, he’s not really been interested.

Just let the question hang in the air. It’s his way of sucking you in so that you say you are okay and he can feel like he’s not the ‘bad guy’ anymore.

Don’t respond, whatever you do. He knows where to find you…

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 12:32pm
200: ruth says:

196 Smile

well, yeah

A silver lining to every cloud and all that

Strength training

I shall remember that next time
But i think tam will do better with her ankle weights

tee hee

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 12:32pm
201: Radlove says:

Siren Angel,

191 – You are a pro on the art of texting!

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 12:32pm
202: smile says:

FW- a lot of the time I used both when I was younger…double protection!!!

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 12:33pm
203: Radlove says:

Rebecca,

199 – Ok, thanks. This is going to be really hard. I am going to let you protect me, since I feel so confuzzled.

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 12:33pm
204: smile says:

200 Ruth….sooo funnny!

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 12:34pm
205: Rebecca says:

Radlove

Re: Your mum.

Yaaay!! I am so happy for you! That sounds wonderful news.

Awwwww…

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 12:34pm
206: ruth says:

193 radlove

this sounds like good news
When your lease is up will you need to move to especially adapted accommodation?

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 12:35pm
207: Rebecca says:

Radlove

I am sending you a big girl friendship huuuuggggg…!!!!!

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 12:35pm
208: Tam says:

Smile, yep, Florida is perfect for CDing… You can’t even go to the cornershop without bumping into acouple of nice guys – and people are super talkative.
Lots of eccentrics…which makes for plenty of stories – I could write a book!!

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 12:35pm
209: Radlove says:

LG,

Feeling loved, despite our conflict. I hope you feel my love, too.

I didn’t write all that out about 2009. I copied and pasted, so no harm done.

Feeling overwhelmed at the moment.

Everyone, I appreciate your feedback, I really do. I just can’t keep up with responding at the moment. I’ve been on the blog all day and have to get other responsibilities handled. I will come back and interact some more later. I love you all!

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 12:44pm
210: Memulo says:

I’m having adternoon coffee with a friend. Feeling curious why he wanted to see me

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 12:45pm
211: Belle says:

Radlove
163

Okay, this feels very familiar to me.
My recently reconciled lover and I have been off and on again for 10 years. We had times of being extremely abusive to each other, and to make it worse, it was often on psychedelics which made everything exponentially more confusing and painful.

What I came to realize over time is that I kept holding out and holding out, thinking someday he was FINALLY going to validate that he was abusive to me. He was FINALLY going to validate MY version of what happened.

As much as that man loves me, it never happened the way I wanted it to.

It was only shortly after first coming to this blog that I shifted around him. I had to finally validate ME.
I had to admit how much pain I had been in and felt to ME, which meant for a while I needed to stay away from the person I perceived as hurting me.

I don’t know if you read my posts from not that long ago, but I laid up sick on my couch for days re-shaping trauma memories. The T I had been defending myself from was the imaginary one in my head. I had been fighting stuck memories and interacting with that guy from the past.

I used my imagination to rewrite the memory and there was a cascade of traumatic memories that came unstuck…it unleashed so much energy I felt manic for a few days!

Not 24 hours after rewriting my old stuck memory to where HE said he was sorry, so sorry, he didn’t mean to hurt me (which was really me apologizing to me for hurting me)….T called me and offered validation. It didn’t come the way I exactly wanted it to, because drat it he wouldn’t just say outright he was abusive, but he did validate the experience in a way that satisfied me and we’ve been interacting with each other in way that feels easy and comfortable ever since.

I didn’t get it, though, until I first gave it to myself and didn’t NEED it from him anymore to feel better.

It feels good that you can feel me and feel all of this love bursting at the seams for you!

I feel more tears and laughter as I feel you, soul to soul and I’m feeling moved to go sit at my altar and offer up a prayer for relief and tender forgiveness.

hugs and hugs and more hugs

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 12:46pm
212: ruth says:

I feel so intrigued by you and your posts Belle

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 12:50pm
213: Femininewoman says:

BW I got this from Patty Contenta. I figure you might find it interesting.

The fastest way to transform yourself… is DELICIOUS! By: Shakaya Leone

The simplest yet most empowering choice you can make in your life is how you eat.

Food is a magical substance. It contains not only the energy of Earth and Sun, but also YOUR energy. The fastest way to transform yourself is simply by eating…isn’t that so simple and amazing!
Foods carry energy…fruit carries the sweetness of life, abundance, fun and beauty; veggies bring balance, clarity, refreshment and calm; grains bring strength, kindness, variety and comfort.
Do you want to be a Sorceress of Power and Love and Prosperity?

Eat your greens! Do you want more sweetness in your llife? Eat fresh fruit!
The juicier your foods, the juicer you and your life will become!

Eating food from the earth in its natural state cleanses and clears not only your body, but also your emotions, helping you to release stored pain and stuck feelings; allowing in light and love.

Food is a love letter.

Whole foods, a gift from the earth infuses our being with the shimmery and delightfully open energy of our inner goddess. Your shakti will rise. You will stand tall in who you are like a queen. Of lace. When we walk in our goddess bodies we inspire others to do the same. We are all worthy of health.
With this amazingly sensual, brilliant and confident energy that is wholly ours, we bring so much to the table besides amazing and healing food. We bring the calm. We bring the wild. We bring the possibility. We bring the flirt. The tease. The adventure. We bring the stability and the flexibility. We bring that divine rock-star, that cosmic creatrix. We bring our dreams to the surface and live the life we love to live!

Eating this way, living like this is gigantically hot.

It’s anything but ordinary. But if you are like me, ordinary never spoke to you anyway. You know there is something more…
Food is about who we are and who we want to become.

I want to help you open your mind wide and your heart wider, to sign your name on your own life-changing legacy. I will bring you to places you least expect on an adventure of trying new things and eating food filled with enchantment.

I invite you to savor pleasurable foods with ancient, glorious wisdom that will keep your eyes and heart open and your body fully rocking, radiant, sexy and strong

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 12:51pm
214: Memulo says:

FW,

I always expect the guy to take the BC responsibility, just because I don’t like pills. I do check that he does it.

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 12:51pm
215: Daria says:

Personally I feel very triggered about the STD thing.

I feel so annoyed by this STD attitude I found in the US.

That’s not something I want to be concerned about.

If a man is concerned about STDs with me, I feel turned off.

I judge him bras man who wouldn’t honor the sacredness of sex.

I feel so frustrated thinking of this STD attitude.

Maybe just like people on that continent got educated culturally and socially to feel afraid of these diseases in particular way more than other diseases, I got culturally educated to look down on them for that.

I feel a bit sad. I would like to heal this.

I feel resistance to drop my stance on this.

Dropping my stance feels like horror shock and compassion.

I also feel powerless.

I want to heal this fear of stds – in others!

What’s under that. Fear, fear of not being judged seen and honored. Fear of having my vulnerability and beauty not seen.

Fear that men will not honor sex with me and be Ickes out by the natural messiness of sex.

Boundary : if a man isn’t willing to have sex w me without a condom … No sex w him.

I feel a bit insecure w no name man cuz he was the one who thought about the condom.

I feel sad and not loved for sure.

I feel confused.

I feel sad.

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 12:56pm
216: Siren Angel says:

Forest Siren @110

“Siren angel I feel such a lovely calming soft vibe from you and yet I know you have a strong core. Any man would be lucky to have you! ”

Awww… thank you

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 1:01pm
217: Femininewoman says:

Daria I honor you with that. I have a friend whose friend’s body was devastated through AIDS. I also had a colleague who died from it. I can also give you case after case of women who cause STDs from men. But I don’t feel like trying to convince.

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 1:02pm
218: Sassy says:

WOW!!! That’s all I feel safe expressing at this point. HUGE HUGE triggers and anger and frustration bubbling up and over. WOW

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 1:05pm
219: Smile says:

I felt more concern over getting pregnant than std’s. Now though pregnancy doesn’t concern me, I’m ready for a family with the right guy.

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 1:07pm
220: Smile says:

Tam, I feel excited that your going to be getting sooo much attention!

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 1:08pm
221: Dominique says:

Ruth -173 – There are several wonderful natural things you can try for your hormonal swings. For older women, I suggest red clover infusion to be drunk several times a week. Black Cohosh tincture is an excellent one to try as is dong quai though this one needs to be taken with ginseng.

Gentler but awesome for mood stabilizing is motherwort tincture which you can take anytime and for as long as you like. No cycling needed with this one.

xxoo

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 1:09pm
222: ruth says:

oooh, thank you Dominique

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 1:12pm
223: Tam says:

Daria, frankly I feel mad. I have heard this from men in Florida who tell me some women refuse condoms. And they know who sleeps with who and the whole attitude to sex is casual…my bf and I both were tested before having unprotected sex, when he raised it I felt happy that he was taking responsibility. Most other men don’t, and they also circular date and hop from bed to bed and spread their nasties. I was already triggered when last time you wrote about using herbs.
But I am not sure if this is a good thing to promote on a blog.
It is possible to get cancer from HPV…it is possible to be infertile from Clamydia. Of course, HIV etc. All this you don’t see or smell, and if you want to take the risk, sure, but promiting it as a healthy or ‘Sireny’ thing to do is irresponsible. Sorry.
I am triggered by that.
I think it is a good man that looks out for his and his woman’s sexual health.

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 1:14pm
224: Femininewoman says:

No need to LABOR for Happiness – what a title for an email.

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 1:14pm
225: Jilly says:

Laughing Goddess I am behind with the last two shows but I’m going to watch it tonight anyway So I have no idea what is going on…

But I will be back to catch up with you about it

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 1:14pm
226: Femininewoman says:

Tam I kinda feel surprised that you being from the continent of Europe is reacting so strongly as there was a suggesting that I am from a certain continent and don’t know better. Anyway I guess like me, you are not a glutten for punishment.

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 1:16pm
227: Femininewoman says:

correction “glutton for punishment”

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 1:17pm
228: Radlove says:

Sometimes this is what I want to say to R:

Please forgive me for using the following crude saying, but it is very appropriate to describe what has happened. “Don’t urinate on me and tell me it’s raining.”

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 1:22pm
229: Radlove says:

Daria,

215 – Have you read the statistics about how widespread STDs are??!!??!! Like 25% of people have herpes, just for starters!

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 1:25pm
230: Radlove says:

Arrgggh! I feel as addicted to the blog as I do to R.

Grrrrr at me!

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 1:25pm
231: ruth says:

228 radlove
Ok, this feels inappropiate but I really giggled at that
So, so true

um, resonates with me tonight-some rather nasty communication in my neck of the woods
i laughed lots and now i am crying

its a good statement

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 1:26pm
232: Tam says:

Fw, no I was shocked when I heard how little people care about sexual health in Florida. And both sexes which strikes me as even more absurd, since women are at higher risk for catching STD’s. People will volunteer information as they are quite open, here it’s not so much talked about and certainly in my part of Europe there isn’t much promiscuity, for lack of opportunity maybe. Not sure.
I guess there are responsible and irresponsible people everywhere. And I wasn’t always a Saint, but I hope that I wouldn’t risk my health again for 5 minutes of fun, no.

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 1:26pm
233: Siren Angel says:

Memulo @47,
“No friends with M:) He has to fight for you now. Otherwise it can be a repeating cycle, every now and then he will start having doubts. You want to feel safe, right? Please let him realize how wrong he was letting you go.”

Thank you for the gentle reminder. It’s going to one I am going to feel deep in my stomach if I am missing him too much by when (if) he suggests that.

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 1:27pm
234: Siren Angel says:

Siren Angel,

I would not sleep with a man who would not wear a condom unless I saw recent test results. I saw M’s before and even then we were using them as BC. Then he got snipped and it felt so yummy… oh… and very special.

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 1:29pm
235: Siren Angel says:

I meant Daria, FW and Memulo, about BC/condoms/STDs in previous comment.

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 1:30pm
236: Femininewoman says:

Siren Angel that sounds great. I remember feeling. Very valued the last time a man who has a lot of options told me he was fantasizing about sex with me without condoms. I know him enough to know he was telling me he feels safe.

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 1:34pm
237: Siren Angel says:

By protecting yourself with condoms, you are taking care of yourself, your beautiful sacred body. This IS being a Siren with boundaries.

What does it say to a man when you are risking your health and life for him?

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 1:34pm
238: Smile says:

I have Very strong opinions when it comes to having safe sex. The thought of not wearing a condom meeting a new guy wouldn’t even cross my mind. The only time I’ve not used a condom is when I’ve been in sexually exclusive relationships where the guy has been tested. My first relationship of 10 years didn’t count to get tested as we were each others first.

my boundaries are that strong that I don’t give it much conscious thought, there’s nothing to consider or think about. That’s the way it is with me. Take it or leave it.

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 1:37pm
239: Femininewoman says:

Yes Siren Angel. Men are attracted to women who treat their body in that special way. I can give lists of experiences with men to prove that. I even shared with me his judgemental thoughts that would trigger everyone here of women who don’t. I believe men are into special lovE stories too.

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 1:42pm
240: Smile says:

I am strong on the inside but soft on the outside …( makes me want to say armadillo everytime!) Do sirens know this advert from years ago? Even though it’s the ops way round.

I feel so much joy in my life, it always outshines the bad bits.

I feel energetic when I smile.

I feel proud to be me on a daily basis.

I feel so much love for myself I’m going to treat it to a rest.

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 1:52pm
241: Daria says:

for me a man insisting on using a condom with me would not feel like i was having my body treated in a special way

thats why i have a boundary on that

if i wanted to use it, of course i would want him to do that as well

but if i dont and he DOES!!!!! that would feel HORRIBLE

no way

my body is sacred and special, its not a infection clinical need of sterilizing thing

associating sex with STDs to me feels so heartbreaking

like saying *kiss* and then the associations being *flu!* *strep throat* *danger*

instead of passion, love, connection

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 1:55pm
242: Daria says:

i dont ever risk my life and health for a man, thats not my take of it at all

natural sex does not mean risking my life and health (to me)

im aware and actually feel respectful of other womens choices, as well as my own, and i always do exactly what i want when it comes to wearing a condom or not

this feels so sad and disturbing. i hate these views that trigger me to feel judged for enjoying natural sex

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 1:59pm
243: ruth says:

241
Daria I do feel connected with you on that one
BUT
Im not having sex so it does not count
I absolutely HATE condoms
you dont get as close
an yeah, the implications

but, its not worth the risk unless you know the history

which is kind of sad

I am not anti casual sex, ive done enough in the past but if you do that you havr to take care of yourself

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 1:59pm
244: ruth says:

well
you dont *have * to
it is a choice and a risk and one i took a long time ago

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 2:01pm
245: Smile says:

I feel so caring towards my body I would use a condom, no questions.

I accept stds are reality.

My high quality men feel caring towards my body and their body too.

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 2:03pm
246: Femininewoman says:

For me a man insisting on using condoms to protect his own health is a man who is telling me he has boundaries. I would not want to control a man around that. As a matter of fact I would respect his boundary and perceive him as a man with high commitment potential. He has a right to have preferences in protecting his own temple so I see it as an area for negotiation that respect both our boundaries. I imagine that there are men out there who have gotten STDs from women so they make their own lifestyle choices.

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 2:05pm
247: ruth says:

Tonight I have got “feeling messages” used in an agressive sense back from my man
the last being he “feels angry and does not want to talk”

he never did this before i used the messages
it may be mirroring, but it feels so nasty

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 2:05pm
248: Rebecca says:

Radlove

When I am trying to ‘get over’ a man I go to my online dating site and just look, look, look.

I click on and read and absorb as many profiles as I can find.

I don’t have any exprctations, I just read the profiles – all men different shapes and sizes and ages. I just click, click, click…

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 2:07pm
249: Femininewoman says:

Ruth most men I know hate condoms too, plus some women are allergic to the material they are made from. It is out of sensitivity to the woman’s wish to get pregnant amongst other things that these men choose to wear condoms.

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 2:07pm
250: Femininewoman says:

ruth sometimes it gets worse before it gets better. They have to get used to the new you. Then again, there are some men who just don’t want to.

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 2:09pm
251: Daria says:

i feel FURIOUS about this shaming and risking health thing

this is not about anyone here either, its just bringing it up for me to heal

i can just be glad i dont have to deal with this mindset in my own self,

but i feel so about it

and people whos view is like mine with comments on those who hold other views as *they are crazy. or they are stupid. or they are idiotic. they are obsessed.* only make me feel powerful by closing off in my heart. and that doesnt feel good in the long run

i dont want to feel closed off

i want to feel heard and seen and celebrated and loved!

ok i had a small shift in that, this is my way of taking care of me, and others have other ways of taking care of them

its like the getting in the car with people i just met thing

some people have no interest in being open that way and thats still ok,

i feel no interest or wouldnt feel comfortable or safe doing other things that some people regularly do such as trust doctors

i dont want to get in a debate, even in my heart or head

gently i can open

yes it feels shocking and scary to hear about those ways of thinking and doing things

im here for me while i feel those feelings

sadness

loneliness

i honor and trust my intuition my sacred sexuality and i want to feel safe from taking on any beliefs that dont feel good

and i am safe

and i can speak about me and my feelings in a gentle self loving way

this just feels more gentle, trusting of life and of myself, sacred way for me

there are men who will worship me this way, and im ok

i feel scared im not! those people said ill be judged

im ok

i am safe

im a safe place

the men who want to connect with me will not be concerned about who judges me. they will want to worship and love me

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 2:10pm
252: ruth says:

FW
well, good on the men

I am not allergic, but i just hate them so much
I love to feel skin on skin

But, its not sensible in a lot of cases
Anyway, academic in my case

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 2:11pm
253: Femininewoman says:

I also encourage you to look at why he does not want to talk. Most men tend to run away from “we need to talk” because it triggers memories of past incidents when they were blamed and criticized about doing a bad job at the relationship.

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 2:11pm
254: Daria says:

FeminineWoman – i agree, i would want a man to be taking care of himself

i would not want him to want to use a condom with ME though, if i didnt want to.

there would be no sex with me until i felt that he was ready to lay his sexuality at my feet and give me all of himself in this way

though if this came up i would feel so scared and not honored i imagine i would close off and not be open to continue seeing him again

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 2:13pm
255: Femininewoman says:

My experience shows me that for the most part men are the ones who jump to sex and sex talk first. So my thinking is a considerate, responsible man will want to protect the woman and himself.

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 2:15pm
256: Femininewoman says:

Daria I believe all men will want to lay their sexuality at your feet. Even without meeting you. Yes, I believe love sex that much.

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 2:16pm
257: Daria says:

i really dont feel worried about any risk with sex

i dont feel worried about risk with kissing either

if a mans penis smelled bad or seemed to have an issue, i would feel concerned then

its not a *risk* to me

im totally willing to a catch an easily curable disease

the most trouble ive had is with UTIs that i got while using condoms

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 2:17pm
258: Femininewoman says:

I believe men love sex that much. That’s why many of them think ahead and have condoms in their wallets.

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 2:18pm
259: Daria says:

FeminineWoman – that feels awesome and i feel a sigh of relief

yes i believe they will too

the ones that wont are not for me

they might be a better match for another woman

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 2:18pm
260: Daria says:

i know men love sex and that feels so happy to meeeeeeeeee

i love that about men so much. they are brave and are willing to worship the goddess and see her in that moment in any woman

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 2:19pm
261: ruth says:

FW
I have no idea if he is p888d off with me or with work
he hasnt said
I nhope this is not game playing

him using FM like this is throwing me a bit
But, i just texted “ok” to when he said he was feeling angry and didnt want to talk
Prior to that he had said he was p**d off
I asked if he was p**d off with me and he hasnt said anything
Urgh
feels horrid, but I just have to let it go

I an *really* uncomfy with him using feeling messages
i sort of thought that was a womans tool

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 2:20pm
262: Dancing Siren says:

This is an interesting topic for me because everything is going well in my relationship currently. REALLY well.

And it feels alien to me.

I like it… well at least I want to, but it’s almost like my system is on high alert saying ‘this can’t be right, there must be some hidden danger somewhere here’ and it feels hard to control my anxiety levels.

In fact I know trying to control isn’t the way.

And I just feel so silly and ashamed for feeling anxious when things are going well!!!

And I feel a bit terrified, cus all those unconscious patterns are coming up to heal about how relationships can never work for me, I can’t have my happy ever after, blah di blah….

How they always mess up sooner or later.

But, they don’t. Not really.

It’s just that before I was a Siren they always broke.

Well I think I always broke them. Not totally on my own but… well… that is the past anyway.

I itend to relax and enjoy this, and it feels hard when my system is so used to drama.

It is hard to trust when I have never experienced a real LTR as a Siren.

Ok… just gonna give myself a big hug, and smother it in love.

All that anxiety, all those NVs, everything that is coming up to heal.

I Love you DS!

Love You. You are safe here.

I will take care of you. It’s ok.

Feels odd to be feeling so anxious when things are going well and everything is quiet and just kind of ok…

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 2:22pm
263: ruth says:

FW
Thank you for your input

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 2:23pm
264: Daria says:

i dont want to be protected from each other during sex

i want to be vulnerable and connect deeply

sometimes lol

im totally intuitive on this one

i just feel happy i dont have fears around this

i feel scared i will *catch* fears, like i caught fear of bees that i played with all my life by copying kids who were afraid of them in the us

im getting over that fear of bees mostly tho

i want to heal this fear of *catching* fear

i wont catch fear

ok the fear now is of being judged

and left out

and feeling lonely

and being the odd voice out ”always”

ugh

here comes daria again with her crazy ideas that are the total opposite of all of us. eye roll

ok this is a trauma i would liek to heal

i want to feel ok with always being unique,

since i will always be unique

i dont want to feel like the odd one out ! im JUDGING OTHERS !

i watn to see the uniqueness in everyone!

wow that just melted everything

its no longer a line up against me

its just everyone with their own ways and path, and this ones mine and she has that one and she has that one and etc

wow that feels so soothing

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 2:24pm
265: Daria says:

Radlove – i have oral herpes! i think like 9o % of people here in Romania have it since we were young kids

thats what really triggers me, the whole shame about that when i came to the US was a big trauma for me

of course people have it in the us too and call it fever blister or cold sore

it feels really triggering to me how judged i would feel telling people oh its just my herpes!

here where im from its … it just is… not cute but certainly not shameful

that shame feels so awful!

i hate it!

also i dont believe a high percentage of people have genital herpes in the us

i dont belive or rely on statistics in general for my life, unless they make me feel good to read

i feel better and safer with my intuition

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 2:30pm
266: ruth says:

No, its not a line up Daria and there is no eye rolling

Just saying
xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 2:30pm
267: Siren Angel says:

Feeling refreshed and hopeful down to my soul… Thank you coconut water. Thank you Universe.

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 2:32pm
268: Daria says:

ruth – thanks for the reassurance! i feel worried that that might be taken personallyl – thats all in my head its a pattern of perceiving i have!

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 2:36pm
269: Daria says:

wow changing places changes a lot about what i feel comfortable sharing and talking about!

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 2:37pm
270: ruth says:

268
daria
well
i am not taking it personally

Time for a little run

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 2:38pm
271: Daria says:

do i limit to a man without judgements tht trigger me ?

not on just this oral herpes topic, but what about others like, fat being ok, no classes, etc

or do i just not trip and expect that hes gonna come with some judgements that trigger me and have me feeling heartbroken and alone?

i feel confused about this

what if i have a gay kid

is one im concerned about now. i want my man to support my parenting style completely

i might never have a man

thats ok

id rather have one that reallly aligns with my non judgement values

wow thats pretty deep to discover

i Will have a man

there Are men like that, who are on to non judging and even if they do find they hold judgements they will be willing to see them as such and adjust

i feel stuck now

oh yeah i can just follow my feelings

but what if the man who does the most loving and consistent stuff for me is the one who is like, into war, or into judging ethnicities, or,

well that just wont work for me

i remember smiling now when i went to my OG friends house and was like, yup its a herpes on my mouth

i felt so scared i was practicing radical honesty then

haha

Getright man was there and he was judging me and then he saw OG drank out of the glass after me and he was all shocked and i felt all special lol

i dont know that id put myself out there agian knowing how people judge but it did feel awesome as a babystep

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 2:49pm
272: Femininewoman says:

Ruth don’t ever ask if he is pissed off with me is one of my new beliefs. That is trying to open him up. As Rori suggested a few articles ago I will just sit with the unpleasantness rather than try to fix it.

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 2:53pm
273: Dominique says:

What you can do or say though I reserve this more if the mood has been going on for awhile is this: “You seem upset/mad etc.. Is there anything you want to say to me/tell me?”

In Ruth’s case since he already said he is feeling angry, I would suggest first to let it go as she you did initially. An, “okay” is fine. And then go off to take care of you, not allowing his off energy to affect your good energy. If his mood continues for a long while, doesn’t resolve on its own, and/or he doesn’t share with you what’s going on, then ask him, “Are you mad at me?” This can help to break is ill humor by the way.

xxoo

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 3:09pm
274: Senara says:

Senara feels like you should join in the conversation now.

Senara is my “little self”, the one who guides me most of the time when I feel overwhelmed and confused and I have nowhere to go and no one to talk to. She led me here. She is sufficiently experienced to know the exact moment I need to seek out assistance.

And this is the right time, it seems. So Senara says.

So this will be my story, one amongst so many others here. It is no worse or no better and it does not deserve more or less attention than any other post. I am mostly just seeking an outside look at my situation.

My man and I have been together for two and a half years, we do not have children nor are we married. We have been living together for 11 months now.

We love each other very much and generally, our relationship is great, but lately, the s*x has been kind of non-existent.

I feel a little bit silly and uncomfortable sharing that since I am not one to go look for help, not usually anyway, and surely not about s*x, although I am very open about it – I am just a very private person.

But that is not even what triggers me, really.

I feel even more sad about the fact that we don’t seem to connect that much about the things I care about. Sometimes, I feel like what I am passionate about does not resonate with him, I don’t feel his interest and it frustrates me.

And this makes me sad because I always show interest in what he enjoys and does. I always listen to him when he shows me his stuff and enumerates every little single detail of his new CD or DVD. I don’t interrupt, I don’t ask questions, I just nod and smile and say things like “hey, that’s great!” or “I feel happy to see you all excited about that!”.

Today, I told him: “I feel like what I am saying is not important”. He replied: “It is important but I don’t know anything about it.” I do not feel like going into an explaining mode with him, that would be masculine.

There are days where I wonder if I am at the right place or if I don’t let myself being too bothered about that “touchy” subject.

I put that “touchy” into brackets because it is a touchy subject to me.

So…

I would like my man to show more interest in the things I do and I don’t know how to do that without nagging him.

or

I would like to know how to be able to let it go and not let it ruin my relationship with him, because despite all this, I feel deep, tender love for him. He is a good man and has been through a lot, as I have, and we are both healing together and we try to be as gentle to each other as we can. I feel our bonds are strong and that we have a lot to bring to each other.

Thank you for reading.

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 3:12pm
275: Daria says:

im excited cuz now i actually found a CURE for herpes (i also know of a diet to cure it from chinese medicine that neighbor cds acupuncturist friend knows and will get to me)

this cure uses messages to the hypothalamus to activate the virus from the root and then heal it

yay i feel excited (and a bit mistrustful yet still excited) i can check this out and

if it works i can share with my mom

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 3:23pm
276: Daria says:

AND! i will never have to worry about genital herpes at all! woooo hooo

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 3:24pm
277: Daria says:

now i feel worried – it feels so uncomfortable talking about this – i dont have genital herpes….

but if this works what a powerful healing tool it would be for people who will come to me for help with that

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 3:25pm
278: Senara says:

I just wanted to add that Senara is a “toddler” siren, not exactly a baby and not an experienced siren either.

Her songs are sometimes a little discordant although she strives very hard at always giving a soft, velvety smooth feeling to her words.

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 3:29pm
279: ruth says:

FW.Dominique
thank you
this is exactly what I have done
been fior a run and will now sleep

Jus a bit freaked by the feeling messages
it sort of feels like he is trying to out smart me
LOL

I jnow how silly that sounds

anyway

I have had a supendously long day and it will feel sooooooo good to sleep.And tonight , i will,Yum

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 3:34pm
280: ruth says:

273 dominiqu, I already asked that and got” did i say i am p**ed off with you”

After two texts saying he was P888d off

Um, well, okay

I will just leave it tonight
best thing to do

thank you ladies

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 3:37pm
281: Daria says:

Forest Siren – i have some ideas for you

i would tap and do energy healings and belief shifts on ”nothing works for me”

which is vibration of Lyme.

a Theta Healing interview i heard the speaker cured himself of Lyme with that modality, I would google Theta Healing Lyme and see if I could get him as a practitioner

I have Wild Oregano Oil (wild is important, will look to find where mine is from, its Excellent, or can be googled and researched), it is amazing as an antibiotic. I would take that, and take Grapeseed oil as well – seems that covers a different stage of the bacterias life

that will be like your antibiotic treatment

then to get the lyme out of tissues – joints, brain… may be more easily accessed by the oils than synthetic antibiotics, but there are herbs to get the bacteria out of ”hiding places” faster, i found an herbs regimen for that that feels powerful to me here

http://www.twofrogscenter.com/lyme_healing.html

so id do those herbs – good source for powerful herbs are mountainroseherbs.com (may have to make your own tinctures if thats required) and the energy work

and I feel confident with that!

i will update with anything that comes up for me as important, as Ive had a lot of this healing come across to me lately

especially i would start with the energy work to get stuff moving and gain more energy to direct to my healing

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 3:48pm
282: Daria says:

you can also search for a LLMD – a Lyme Literate MD

you can be tested to determine the SPECIFIC type of Lyme bacteria you have, and that can be directly targeted by an antibiotic treatment (most of the types can be specifically targeted)

the herbs at the Two Frogs links above along with the antibiotic can help make sure the antibiotic is able to reach the bacteria

i would make sure im doing the energetic healing along also as thats hugely important!

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 4:01pm
283: forest siren says:

Daria again you totally rock! Thank you thank you. Am very interested to find out that ‘nothing works for me’ is a vibration of Lyme. Oh I feel excited about natural remedies. I will keep you posted ((((Daria))))

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 4:13pm
284: Daria says:

”The biggest common denominator seems to be that Lyme arrives when some anger has gone unexpressed and when self-love does not match the degree of love and blessings these folks spread into the world. The anger may stem from an anger at the way society treats the disenfranchised, or it may stem from early child abuse; it may relate to seething resentment from a relationship or series of relationships; it may come from a feeling that life has unfairly passed the person by even though they’ve sacrificed a lot to serve others. I don’t notice a pattern to the cause of anger, but the anger seems consistent among the many, many Lyme folks who’ve contacted me for Medical Intuitive readings. The second common denominator comes from the disparity between all the love going out from these folks and the degree to which they allow themselves truly to receive nurturing and love without a sense of earning it or paying it back. Lyme folks tend to be major givers with high vibes before they catch the spirochetes. Lyme arrives as a chance — albeit a difficult one — to become one with all that love flowing through their words and deeds. It becomes a chance to experience their own love the way others experience it … to realize that the universe supports and loves them and wants them to shine even brighter than they allowed themselves to imagine before.”

http://laurabruno.wordpress.com/2009/09/24/healing-lyme-disease/

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 4:14pm
285: Dominique says:

Ruth – 278 – Usually if the behavior is out of character for the most part, i.e. not a pattern with him, I encourage women to leave it alone. He’s entitled to an off day, a bad mood too.

It’s when the mood continues for more than a day that I suggest saying something.

I think you handled this all very well.

And try not to fret about him using a feeling message. it’s okay. Likely picking up on yours.

Have a good sleep. Things will likely feel better in the morning. Your exhaustion is not helping how you are feeling right now.

xxoo

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 4:14pm
286: Daria says:

thank you Forest Siren. It feels honoring and empowering to have my gifts appreciated.

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 4:16pm
287: Radlove says:

Daria,

265 – Ok, I see where you’re coming from about the shame factor.

If I followed my intuition on something like that, I’d be in bad shape. I am too trusting by nature.

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 4:23pm
288: forest siren says:

Radlove I think your role on this blog is vital. We all get to participate in your journey we get to share the tools and what works for us and your story is powerfully triggering for all of us. Thanks for sharing and being so open.

Regarding rehashing the past. You say if you don’t resolve it it will just be hanging there. Leave it let it go. Say I’m not comfortable discussing that anymore. I understand you see it differently but my perspective is valid too. Radlove for you you see the context. R may only see the specific and forget or get confused about the context.

This morning siren angel shared that she had forgotten to tell m about the convo she overheard on the stairs. It was a significant piece of ‘evidence’ that might change the outcome of everything if m was made aware of it. And yet she took the advice to let it be to not persuade him of her side of things. You could do the same. Both you and r are each mirroring the same thing – he wants you to believe something and you want him to believe something.

This issue may never be resolved ever! What remains to be seen is if you leave this be can you move forward and have a friendship now in the present.

It is my belief that r feels safe with all the texting about the ideal relationship. I’d move it away from that as soon as at all possible and see can he do friendship himself on a regular basis. Whatever that means. Ask him those questions what a friendship looks like and get away from the idealization of romantic love. I’m all about romance believe me I just like it to happen instead of talking about it.

I think siren angel had some great tips about the dance of response. Thanks SA!

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 4:24pm
289: Dominique says:

forest siren – http://sponauglewellnessinstitute.com/wellness-programs/lyme-disease-lyme-disease-treatment-treatment-for-lyme-disease/?gclid=CIGHrp3GmrICFcne4Aod7WsAqw

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 4:25pm
290: Radlove says:

Belle,

211 – That’s some deep stuff. I really appreciate you sharing that with me. That must have taken a lot of strength to work all that healing thru your subconscious!

Thanks for your compassion. Hugs back to you!

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 4:28pm
291: forest siren says:

Thank you Dominique I so appreciate this!

Also Daria I’ve not tried eft yet tho of course I’ve heard you mention it a lot here. Where is a good place to start?

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 4:31pm
292: Dominique says:

forest siren – Your immune system is likely compromised. A wonderful immune booster is St. John’s Wort even though it is commonly known for its anti-depressant qualities. Use tincture only.

By the way Daria, it’s also an incredible remedy for your herpes simplex. Use the oil though which I think you have at the first signs of an eruption.

xxoo

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 4:38pm
293: DeeDee says:

when a guy has disappeared for a week, no emails or calls, what to do I do when he finally comes back? a) tell him nicely I cant see him anymore b) tell him I was upset and have decided to date other guys but still meet him for coffee or other low status dates c) be accepting of his reasons and keep dating him as normal? I’m so confused!! Pls help

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 4:41pm
294: forest siren says:

Oh great idea thanks … Can I get that over the counter here? For some reason I seem to think in europe you can’t although I could be wrong.

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 4:42pm
295: forest siren says:

Radlove one other point is that sometimes when we get a lot of input from others it can be really confusing which is why it’s nice to go back to how do I feel? What do I know about this situation? How can I best take care of myself etc etc. and learn to trust our own intuition too. Xo

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 4:44pm
296: forest siren says:

Daria just read Laura Bruno website excellent stuff thanks.

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 5:02pm
297: Daria says:

Dominique – thanks, I actually find that on its own it had very slight improvements in treating a blister

what im researching is a complete cure for herpes, not a symptom treatment.

i hardly ever have symptoms now, and doubt it will ever be an issue after having the wild oregano oil i have available, and also having done the Quail Egg Diet – i dont get strong fevers anymore which is what would trigger fever blisters for me

treatments that did work pretty well – i have a silver zapper,

Lysine supplements

and fulvic acid capsules (Vira-max ?)

also Valtrex the drug does work but i felt worried about using it long term. the Fulvic acid capsules worked similarly and just as powerfully

im sure the wild oregano oil would work excellently, but wont be having a chance to try it on myself

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 5:05pm
298: Radlove says:

Forest Siren,

292 – Yea, I was feeling that.

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 5:10pm
299: Daria says:

i forgot what i came to write and that feels frustrating for me…

i can get very sad about forgetting something taht was „important”

im feeling upset about this

im still feeling good though

maybe i wanted to write aobut the magicalness of things

of my experience of life that is

ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

yes!!!!

im celebrating my blood earlier tonite!

wooo hoooooo Daria blood

magical magical stuff

((((Daria))))

((((Daria blood)))))

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 5:11pm
300: Radlove says:

Forest Siren,

286 – Thanks! Good stuff.

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 5:17pm
301: Radlove says:

Ruth,

206 – I have no set plan to move, because I have no job and no money. But if I can, I want to move back to my home state (an hour away) and to a first floor place that is wheelchair accessible. Grab bars could be installed in the bathroom for my Mom.

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 5:22pm
302: Starbright says:

Radlove,

I thought you did a trial run with your mom staying with you and changed your mind about living together some months ago…Maybe I missed something!

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 5:27pm
303: Memulo says:

He said you can take a side job and improve your money situation.

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 5:30pm
304: Memulo says:

Or take a loan from a bank. He said you will figure something out.

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 5:32pm
305: forest siren says:

Hmmmm Memulo don’t like that sorry! What did you say how did you present it? It sounds cool to me like it’s not his problem.

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 5:34pm
306: Annie says:

Radlove, Hugs.

You initiated the conversation so were the one in masculine energy.
He hasn’t got a clue why you were hurting.
He does not understand.
He is unable to put yourself in your shoes and see it from your perspective.
He has told you he thinks you have no reason to have felt the way you did.

He is telling you this here loud and clear.

“B: I am not accusing you. I am telling you what I felt and experienced. Those feelings were real.
R: Yes, but those feelings WEREN’T for real things.”

Do you see here how he things you have no reason to have felt the way you did.?

“B: I have more than done damage control for times when I expressed my pain.
R: Who did you tell?
B: My therapist and a few close friends. It’s only fair to have someone to talk to when a person has a trauma. What do you think?
R: You didn’t have a trauma…I didn’t do anything!”

You felt what you felt, end of, but he really honestly does not understand.
Can you see this if you read this back?

I felt uncomfortable reading private chat you have had.
I felt bad like was spying on someone.

It felt painful to read.

If some good comes of this though and healing and moving forward occurs that would feel good to me.

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 5:36pm
307: Radlove says:

183 – I said, “So on that basis, when he contacts me next, I should say this feels bad and I need a break for awhile…

…right?”

I don’t think I can do it. I don’t think I’m strong enough. I feel weak.

Everyone, thank you for your input on this. I read your comments. Just feeling too much to respond. I love you all and even if it doesn’t feel like it, you make a difference in my life.

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 5:37pm
308: Radlove says:

Starbright,

299 – “Radlove,

I thought you did a trial run with your mom staying with you and changed your mind about living together some months ago…Maybe I missed something!”

You are correct. It hit me after the fact that they had her going cold turkey off vicidin, and it had to be messing with her chemistry. They wouldn’t send it home because it was a narcotic. Really unfair to both of us, especially her.

I specifically requested that this time it go home with her. And she and I have talked a lot and are going to try harder to get along.

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 5:40pm
309: Siren Angel says:

Radlove,

I want to add something that just came to me. Every time you bring the past up in your explanations about the way you behaved, you are REMINDING him of it all!

If you answer in simple FMs, he will most probably drop the subject and move on to more interesting conversation and very possibly over the telephone. The vibe I am getting is that he is hiding behind the texting.

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 5:41pm
310: Radlove says:

Miss Stix,

178 – “Radlove

He is triggering you into explaining.

Take some breaths and sit in it a while. Re-read the convo. Stop any and all apologies or explanations. No more re-hashing. Be firm.”

Yeah, thanks.

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 5:43pm
311: Memulo says:

FS,

I said I feel very upset and that I am about to be thrown out of the apartment. He offered his advice, he started looking on the internet for how much I can make having a side job, told me to look into it. Or said go to the bank and show them you are working and ask for a loan.

His ex is asking him in court 7.5 times more per month than my estimated expense in this situation.

He is kind. He really is. He is generous. Apparently not towards me. He did sound concerned. He tried to calm me down, said stop crying, you will handle it.

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 5:43pm
312: Lizka says:

I need more of your help sirens. My new CD is texting me everyday, often multiple times a day (but he hasn’t today so far…) but doesn’t seem in a rush to see me… I am feeling a little bored of the text messages, it feels too friendly for me. It feels kind of exhausting to have to entertain him all the time and sometimes I just don’t know what to say anymore and I feel boring and he must think I have nothing to say. What is a good way to tell him that I’d rather see him than text?

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 5:44pm
313: Siren Angel says:

Dominique,

I have been getting terrible hormonal mood swings (they feel hormonal in my throat, I don’t know how to explain it, they TASTE hormonal in my throat, if that makes any sense to you). I also feel like I am getting my period a few times during the month and they correlate in the timing of these moods/feelings in my body and taste in throat. I would love to find something simple I can add to my smoothies to ‘balance’ the ups and downs, because they make me very anxious. If you know of something, please let me know. Or if a tincture would be much more efficient, I am open to that.

Many thanks

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 5:45pm
314: Memulo says:

I don’t know, sounds like I don’t mean much to him, doesn’t it? He offered to get me a lawyer, I said it only adds to the cost, I will have to pay him. He said – oh you only have to pay for an hour of his work or if he goes to court.

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 5:48pm
315: Femininewoman says:

Siren Angel I know about those tastes in the throat things. I remember 3 weeks into being pregnant with my son I experienced something similar. It see ms like the taste started deep down in my groin area and traveled all the way to my throat. I mentioned it to my ob/gyn and she said no worries we can check you. It was 3 weeks but I knew and tests confirmed that I was pregnant. Not suggesting that you are pregnant but our bodies really have an intelligence of its own.

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 5:52pm
316: LiliBee says:

Hi Sirens!

I’m back from vacation.

I feel weird.
I mostly feel relaxed and sleepy…but I feel weird.

My muscles were feeling stiff and tense all week, up until yesterday.
As soon as my muscles felt relaxed, I started going to the bathroom…aaaall day today.
It’s like my whole body let go of the tension.
I released it and let it go.
I feel flowy.

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 5:56pm
317: Radlove says:

Reading back over everyone’s posts to me today. You Sirens are so wise. Thank you so much for speaking into my life.

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 5:57pm
318: Annie says:

himself not yourself in your shows.

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 6:00pm
319: Turquoise says:

Tonight Mr. Conversation told me if we were a couple, he’d ruin my life. I’d spend all of my time trying to encourage him and bring him up because he’s always disappointed in himself and dreams that don’t come true. I felt so extremely sad for him because he’s never had anyone believe in him or be supportive. He doesn’t know what it’s like to be loved for him, he feels used by everyone, including his mother and siblings. It feels tragically sad to me that people do so much damage to each other and just don’t care.

If any of you have read that book about the love tank? His is empty, it has holes in it…. everything goes right through. I don’t know how to help him without leaning forward and caring.

I really like him, and I feel like I’m going to have to put aside any romantic feelings I have and lean forward and give love freely, just to even try and help him heal. To be his friend. He admits to having abandonment issues and needing a lot of attention. He wants to be together daily. He did get his divorce papers last night and we all met up at the drive-in and had a really great time.

It’s hard because one day he feels great, he’s upbeat and so motivated, the next day he feels sad or frustrated… then a happy day, I just don’t know what to do. I don’t feel I can pull away, nor would I want to. But I know it’s totally unsireny to lean forward and help this much. I feel very lost and unsure. I feel like I’m shooting myself in the foot for him to see me as desirable, but that he needs me and doesn’t have anyone else that he’s even close to letting in. I wish I could just wrap my arms around him and make it all go away. He got teary eyed tonight telling me that he’s never had anyone really love him or care about him. He feels no one understands him.

I don’t know what to do except continue to be there for him and to listen.

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 6:01pm
320: Annie says:

grrr shoes.

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 6:01pm
321: Siren Angel says:

FW,

Yes, they travel up to the throat. But there is no way I can be pregnant because M got snipped last December. Unless, the operation didn’t work… which is extremely rare. But it confirms my strong feelings that this is hormonal.

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 6:01pm
322: Femininewoman says:

Hey Lilibee welcome back girl.

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 6:07pm
323: Siren Angel says:

Turquoise,

That sounds heartbreaking. I feel so moved by your compassion for Mr Conversation. However, are you sure you are interested in having a romantic relationship with him?

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 6:07pm
324: Radlove says:

Siren Angel,

306 – Totally agree. It was an accident using our past as an example. I realized it a moment too late.

Yes, I have felt that he is hiding behind the texting for a long time. You are the first person who gave me a good idea how to get away from that. I really appreciate all your input today! It helps tremendously, and I am saving it.

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 6:08pm
325: Radlove says:

I feel like crying, but there are no tears. I feel stuck. I feel feel feel feel feel feel feel feel.

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 6:09pm
326: Siren Angel says:

(((Radlove)))

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 6:10pm
327: Femininewoman says:

Turquoise he sounds like a guy I know. Just that my guy is tough. He used the hardships to push him forward in life but he finds it very hard to trust anyone though loyalty seems very important to him. He isolates him mostly, aside from his sporting activity and his business. He has been cheated so much he says he is afraid of people.

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 6:11pm
328: Femininewoman says:

I also read that book about the love tank. What I took from it was that I have to work on filling my own tank.

I believe if Mr. C really looks around he will see people who love him. As Gay Hendricks put it, this is the program he is running and he will always

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 6:15pm
329: Radlove says:

I was my usual overfunctioning self, and I initiated with R a little bit ago, not feeling content to just let this thing fester on the shelf.

B: Hey

R: Hey

B: I feel stuck. Help.

R: How?

B: I feel unsure. I have feelings for you way above and beyond friendship. I can’t live with you, and I can’t live without you. How can we solve this?

R: I don’t kno.

B: I feel completely confused. I have the hots for you.

R: I think honestly you should move on.

B: I’ve been trying to for three years. They broke the mold after you were born.

B: This connection with you is making me yearn. I don’t feel strong enough to follow through, but this staying in contact is not serving me.

B: What do you think?

R: I think you should move on.

B: You already said that.

R: That’s what I think…Bottom line.

B: I feel too weak to follow through, but it would feel best for me to stay out of contact for a little bit. Arrrgh, this is so hard.

B: What do you think?

R: I agree

B: Ok. I love you.

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 6:15pm
330: Femininewoman says:

manifest this until he changes his story. I would let go of the sympathy if I were you. Your best bet is to inspire him through your life. He has to see himself and want to change that story.

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 6:16pm
331: Siren Angel says:

Memulo,

I feel he gave you advice and tried to be supportive. And maybe he really can’t help financially right now because of his own court expenses but otherwise would have, but he did offer to help you find a lawyer and he did look for and suggest solutions for you, even though they mat not be viable or realistic or may not be what you want. The best you can do is thank him for his help and keep him updated in FMs. Also, he might ponder it for a while and come back to you with financial help. He may be trying to help you solve your problem before he offers money as last resort.

That said, I really do think you should invest in a lawyer that is not expensive and make it clear to the lawyer you want to keep your cost as low as possible. What you want is to be informed of your rights in this situation. Then, if there is something to do, you could invest in a lawyers letter.

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 6:17pm
332: Radlove says:

(((Siren Angel)))

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 6:21pm
333: Femininewoman says:

Also Turquoise you don’t want to feel pity for him. That is very unattractive and could turn into resentment in a romantic relationship. I believe I would affirm him and let him know I believe in him. Also let him know t

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 6:22pm
334: Femininewoman says:

Also let him know that you appreciate him trusting you with his troubles. But if they feel overwhelming I would let him know too.

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 6:23pm
335: Radlove says:

Can I die now?

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 6:23pm
336: Radlove says:

I sure would like to know what he’s feeling right now. I hate this.

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 6:25pm
337: LiliBee says:

D shut his phone off the whole week we were on vacation together.
He only checked for his son’s calls.
When they didn’t come, he shut the phone off for the week.

We got along really well.
We were on the same page when it came to splitting expenses.
It wasn’t an issue, and we didn’t have to negotiate.
He paid more often for the both of us.

I felt him drift off far away in his bubble often.
I let him be and just did my own thing.
I felt a lack of passion and attraction during that time alone together.

I felt worried about it at one point.
I shifted my focus on my own triggers and my own feelings.
I just observed myself.
I didn’t do a thing about it, I just let it be and observed myself.
I felt the tension of the urge to be worried and control.
I didn’t like the feeling.
I really felt how bad that tension feels.
I lost the will to hold on to that feeling.
The 1st and only thought that came to my mind was “this feeling isn’t serving me, I don’t want to feel this way anymore.”
It just vanished.
I felt calm, peaceful and flowy.
That’s when my muscle tension melted away.

We got back in town to his place last night.
I had planned to spend the day at my place unpacking, doing laundry and getting ready to go back to work tomorrow.
When I left his place this morning, we gave each other a long warm hug and a kiss.
I said: “I will feel weird sleeping without you tonight.”
He responded: “that will be all week. I spent 1 week on vacation with my son, then 1 week with you. This week is for me.”

I didn’t feel the urge to hold on.
I let him be, I just smiled and said “I feel glad to see you taking care of yourself.”
That required no effort whatsoever from me.
It felt more effortless than hanging on to him.

By letting go of control, my whole body felt it and released alot of junk today (alot of bathroom time, lol).

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 6:30pm
338: LiliBee says:

319:

Hi FW!

Your “Hi welcome back” warms me up. My face lit up with a warm smile

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 6:33pm
339: Radlove says:

LiliBee,

Welcome back! It sounds very positive!

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 6:34pm
340: Femininewoman says:

Wow LiliBee. It might be worth remembering that feeling of release for the next time. That way you can call upon it at will whereever you are.

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 6:34pm
341: LiliBee says:

Hi Radlove

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 6:38pm
342: Annie says:

I feel gobsmacked.

What do others think this is all about.
Had a man young following me pursuing coming on very strong. He was after a casual sex.
I stated in feeling messages and don’t wants that it felt bad for me as a woman to have sex without being in love in a loving relationship and emotional intimacy had to match physical intimacy etc.

He kept chasing doing his best to get me to have some ‘fun’ sex as he put it cause he thought that we could have fun and didn’t need to be in love to do that etc.

Stated I don’t want or need casual sex in my life but totally respected that if that is what he wanted that there would be a girl out there who wanted the same so long as he was honest about it.
Just I wasn’t that girl.

Then he comes om even stronger suggesting a gangbang.
WTF.

Again said no not up for that. he then asks me for a pic. Again said no I don’t send pics to men.
Thought that was the end of it as he stopped chasing and disappeared. for five days.

Now he is back doing his best to get me to have kinky sex and a gangbang and wanting to send me pics of his bits.

WTF I feel confused why am I attracting this?

Gosh how I would love some hot sex but not casual with a stranger or strangers.

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 6:46pm
343: LiliBee says:

337:

Yeah, thanks for that suggestion FW.

He seems to be far away in his brain these days.
He looks like he’s doing alot of soul searching.
Not all about me, but more like trying to find himself.
I didn’t ask.
He needs it, and he needs it on his own.
He’s been very confused and lost for a very long time.
He’s been looking towards the outside for happiness.
It seems to be catching up with him.
I see him shifting.

I don’t know if he’s shifting away from me or if it will be towards me.
I’m letting go of control.
My body feels much better for it.

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 6:50pm
344: Radlove says:

Annie,

339 – Eww. I would say that to him, too, then block him…

Ewww.

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 6:54pm
345: Belle says:

Radlove

333
” says:
I sure would like to know what he’s feeling right now. I hate this.”

Hey, Radlove…what are YOU feeling right now???

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 6:55pm
346: Belle says:

Rori told me this about fully feeling my feelings and staying open to C at work just 6 or 7 weeks ago…so hard to believe! It feels like forever and feels like just a minute ago!

“this is like exercising a muscle of moving toward peace and surrender”

I feel so much more at peace.
It felt so good to cry and rail and wail this weekend and accept that there’s nothing I can do, nothing I need to do. Whew! What a load off!

The feelings weren’t about C even, he was just the trigger.

I feel a lot of appreciation for SA and others sharing their parenting experiences. I’m getting some good ideas for parenting my inner little one and feel more and more ready to face and shift some nasty bad habits.

I can rock this life, I can I can!

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 7:02pm
347: LiliBee says:

Radlove,

re: Belle in 342 & 343:

That’s exactly my point in 334.

I felt sooo much tension in my body focusing on what he’s feeling and thinking.

All the tension melted away when I shifted the focus to how I was feeling.

How do You feel?
We need to mind our own business about what they are thinking and feeling and focus on how Me feels.

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 7:08pm
348: Radlove says:

Siren Angel,

310 – Chasteberry is good for hormones.

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 7:21pm
349: Radlove says:

LiliBee,

344 – Thanks for the reminder. Working on that. I feel major stuck energy and deep sadness.

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 7:23pm
350: Lena says:

Good day, everyone

It would be great to have some advice on my situation please…

I met this man around 2 month ago. Already on week one he was telling that he fell in love with me. We have an age difference of around 10 years. He calls me soulmate, etc. He asked me to be his gf and was hinting or saying directly re marriage in the future. I cant help but doubt all this. First thing that I didnt like was the sex part. He is a bit aggressive for me and he felt more like he wants to pleasure himself rather than me. I felt used and now avoid sex with him as fire as on some reason I do all the work in there and its both tiring and disappointing. Second – I have financially tough situation and very hard conditions with work and life right now that makes me irritable and sad. After awhile of thinking I decided to tell him about it. The reaction was weird for me. He first said he will think about it, than he started telling me that money at that point is too early and not talk to him about all this, that money creates all the problem and he has it before.I answered that it makes me feel lonely and like he is not there for me in hard times. Few times more we had this conversation and it was the same – think about it, I have solutions for you that I tell in few days, than “dont talk about it”. He gave me the speech few days ago that he wants to be captain of the ship, that he knows what is he doing, that its not all for sex and he wants me for whole his life, that relationships dont skip the stages and he doesnt want to do a mistake and when we will grow more solid together – I will have everything I want (the guy is rich). Right now just dont talk about it and be patient. I feel heartbroken and like all he wants just the fun part with me. Everytime he kisses me now or initiates sex – I run. I dont want to be used. I feel so misunderstood and pushed away and cornered to accept his conditions. He sais now he feel now I dont love him and keeps telling me all this – you are my life, my love, etc. But its all just words. I dont see much in actions. I do not know exactly how to act with him anymore.

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 7:25pm
351: Lena says:

Maybe I am wrong but I have this feeling like everytime I speak about some problems – he shrinks inside and just skips it. But its my life that is happening right now. I cant just close my eyes it doesnt happen. I got really sick today and I also dont like his reactions. I would be there for him – he was this few weeks I would just go to his house to check on him. I feel stupid. I am thinking to break up with him before he didnt really hurt me a lot.

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 7:31pm
352: Memulo says:

Thank you SA. yes, he did offer an advice and sounded very concerned. I’ve started looking for apartments. I just really really like my place and too bad they are throwing me out.

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 7:37pm
353: Belle says:

Lilibee

334

Yes, thanks for this, it felt really good to read it.
Especially about simply noticing without trying to change and the feeling that didn’t serve falling away. I’m using that tomorrow at work, when I usually feel the most anxiety and end up medicating with sugar.

Ohhhh, and the “back of the horse” tool! Sosososo very awesome!! I’ve been using it off and on again this weekend…
He’s not even on the back of my horse anymore, I’m just galloping along!

It feels good to feel good

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 7:48pm
354: Belle says:

(((((((Radlove)))))))

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 7:58pm
355: Memulo says:

It would be just so easy for him to offer his help at least partially. SA, this amount that I need really doesn’t make a difference for him. He spends it without noticing.

He told me once how much he cared about his ex when she just arrived to the country. She had a culture shock, so he hired a counselor for her. She didn’t eat properly and he ordered food from the best restaurants. She wouldn’t let him buy her ‘cheap’ flowers, they had to be the most expensive ones. He did not marry her, but she was a rightful gfriend he lived with. I wonder who I am for him. A buddy?

I am not telling him I want new shoes. I am telling him I am in a bad situation. An advice to work more feels like a bad joke.

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 8:11pm
356: Radlove says:

(((Belle)))

Thank you!

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 8:25pm
357: Jilly says:

hmmm…I am feeling soft and sleepy, getting ready to go to bed soon.

I feel excited…I took the summer off from crossfit and will be going in the morning…it will feel so good.

Rugby Man was called to work today. So I was able to get some things done…

I am almost done with school, and due to all the chemical skin concoctions I have come across, have started making my own homemade skin care and Rugby Man is ALL about it and even using it!! I feel smiley.

He is also super supportive of me and my ideas and also agrees that like energy attracts like energy. He said he likes being the bread winner, but he is also supportive of my success too.

It feels invigorating, refreshing and amazing to be able to share this part of me with someone. It really feels like a fairy tale….big happy sigh…

We both want to live a high vibrational life

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 9:00pm
358: Turquoise says:

Thanks for replying Siren Angel and FW.

I’ve been very careful FW to not sound like I pity him, and I don’t. I do feel sad for what he’s been through and what a difficult upbringing he’s had. He does have two best friends, both live out of state. He has 3 children who he loves and they love him dearly. He’s an amazing father. But, he says that doesn’t count… they are his children. He doesn’t speak to his mother, she won’t acknowledge some awful stuff that happened in his childhood. She doesn’t know his children. His siblings only seem to call him or want to see him when they need money. It’s really sad. His ex was not social, they didn’t have couple friends or even know the neighbors well. He’s a very social guy, will talk to anyone at the store, a restaurant, etc. He works from home and goes to school online… He is close with his grandma, but she’s elderly so I’m really IT right now. No wonder he wants to see me all the time.

We have seen each other about 50 times since mid June. I can’t tell you who else I’ve spent this kind of time with, in years. We laugh, never run out of things to talk about, it’s never awkward… we joke around, flirt, and have a lot of fun together.

He is very motivated and works very hard. Today was a bit of a blah day, and then the conversation turned emotional.

But what makes this special and different for me are the little things that I haven’t had in a long time, and the amout of time he’s been willing to give. Like doing my website, that was weeks of work.

Reasons why I want him in my life, and part of me hopes it leads to a relationship….

1. He’s protective over me and my girls. If we are walking in a parking lot or a crowd, he’ll grab my girls hands and keep them safe. A guy was staring at me at the football game Friday night and he instinctively said… If I was your boyfriend, he might get an elbow. When C was being a real jerk and I was getting upset, just at text messages, he picked up on it, comforted me and reassured me that I was fine, everything was ok and I was safe.

2. He is funny, jokes around, and he and my oldest daughter have gotten close, they are like partners in crime. I’m too serious. It’s a nice change.

3. He’s a very good dad to his kids and makes mine feel right at home and included, and loved.

4. He suggests new and fun things for us to do… wanting me to have new first experiences, and is excited to teach me new things. Today I started my first fantasy football team. I have no idea what I’m doing, but he really wanted us to do this together, so I’m going with it.

5. It’s been slowly growing, which is new for me, but we are so comfortable together, it’s a different kind of intimacy. I’m not talking about sex, but even just hugging and when he plays with my hair, feels close.

6. He’s honest with me when he says he’s not ready. He wants us to keep the door open, but knows he’s a wreck right now and doesn’t want to put that on me. He doesn’t want me to be a rebound. I feel good knowing he’s not using me.

7. But the best of all, he’s an amazing communicator. We talk everything through, he doesn’t get mad or over react. Even when it’s a little tense, we work it out. He apologizes and can say he’s wrong. He appreciates I can do the same. I have never had a man be so open about his feelings and want me to be the same way. He doesn’t like it if I cry or feel hurt, but he’s learning that I’m an emotional person. I’m not trying to manipulate him.

BUT, even with all that said…. I did go on my date Saturday night. He had bad breathe, so immediate turn off… Nice guy, funny…. but I really didn’t feel excited or looking forward to seeing him again. I tried to be open, just didn’t feel it.

I have another date tomorrow night, hoping this one goes better. For while I really really like Mr. Conversation, I believe him that he’s not ready. I don’t want to be a rebound, and if I wait for him to be ready, I’ll be needy and get too attached.

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 9:06pm
359: Rori Raye says:

Dee Dee – Circular Date him along with all the other men you’re Circular Dating. If you have an “exclusive” arrangement – nullify it with the “No Girlfriend Speech.” Love, Rori

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 9:10pm
360: Heart says:

Wow….I just wrote CuddleyGrinch and told him – I was feeling emotional and that I didn’t know if I wanted to see him or not and then I asked what he thought…

I feel so scared….I feel so vulnerable….Feel a little bit naked…I mean I practice here all the time…But it’s so different when it’s in front of a man.

What do Sirens think of my message?…It was the only honest agenda less thing I had to say…

Still – I feel so curious about his response…

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 9:12pm
361: Heart says:

baby steps…

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 9:20pm
362: Heart says:

it feels sexy to ask a Man about his opinion on an FM…

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 9:25pm
363: Heart says:

it also feels Really Scary….lol

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 9:26pm
364: Tereana says:

Hm…Ladies. A lot has come up for me recently!

I did some really intense work with an “energy healer” a couple of weeks a go. I don’t know what to call her. She’s a trained psychotherapist, but she practices a whole mish-mosh of stuff. It was intense, but I could feel that it was working on me.

And I’ve been CD-ing like crazy. Well, okay, maybe not too “crazy.” I’ve been on some dates. And I’ve heard randomly from VMan recently, and we’ve been texting back and forth. Some of it got quite personal. But at the same time, I am keeping in the back of my mind, that I haven’t seen him in months. And also, I am getting the sense that his attraction for me right now is only sexual. And that can be satisfied in any number of ways. If it were only for me, then he would have a specific need to see me. And he hasn’t made any move toward that.

However…I went out last Thursday (was it just last Thursday??) to an event in the city. I was all dressed up and looking cute. And my phone battery died, so I couldn’t text anyone And all of a sudden, I realized, there was this man talking to me while I waited on the train platform. He had a very soft, friendly voice, and a thick accent. We talked a bit, and then he said, “Nice to meet you,” and walked off.

I watched as he walked down the platform. Then a few minutes later, he walked back up, right past me. And I just stayed there, leaning back against a railing. And finally, he came back, and started talking to me again. We sat near each other, and he chatted to me the whole ride home. He gave me his card, and I gave him mine as well.

He emailed me, and, well, we’ve had several dates this past weekend.

And, wonder of wonders, I had what I could even describe as a “melt down” on the way back from one of our dates. There was some bad stuff that came up for me, and I was emotionally drained. But there was some good stuff, too. Because he spoke to me about it frankly, and made me more aware of myself.

And the wonder is, he still wants to see me! I feel almost incredulous. He seems so intent on Relationship. And that feels so good and refreshing. I want to take it step by step. I told him we could test it on a “trial basis.” And that feels pretty good, too – no commitment. Or perhaps “low commitment.” I feel nervous about some things he mentioned about his ex. I don’t want him to bring bad expectations into a relationship. But how can he know that I am different unless he experiences that?

And I can still keep my “options open” by knowing that there are other men out there who like me and want to see me. But of course, I only want to be with one guy, who values me and also really wants to be with me.

And something feels different about this guy. he feels less like a “CD” and more like a “D.” As in, a proper date, not “circular.” (Although he certainly loves to joke about me dating other guys! to which I just mysteriously do not reply;)

I know it won’t be easy. He has some particular things that might bother me. But I know that no one is perfect. I have to figure out a way to be as comfortable as I can be WITH MYSELF.

if it doesn’t work out, it doesn’t work out. I won’t be devastated.

I guess the main thing I am noticing, that could be a problem, is that he just contacts me So Much. Lol. Like not in all ways, but that he emails me quite a lot. Not that I can really complain about something like that! He emails more than he calls. I guess I would just like it if he called more. But he did call today, just to say hi. So that was nice. I definitely write to him less than he writes to me…

He certainly doesn’t fit the physical description of who I thought I would end up with. He’s not Indian! lol But he’s not American either. So that fits, actually. He’s not tall, dark and handsome. He’s not any taller than me. But he’s not bad looking. Even though he doesn’t have hotness that makes me weak in the knees. And when he kisses, he kind of bites with his teeth a lot. But I can tell that he is a person with strong principles and a good heart.

He is a nice man who feels a lot. And he is very compassionate with me as well. I can sometimes feel hurt by what he says. And he feels bad about that. But I have to remember that my hurt is about me, and strive not to make him “responsible” for that.

My goal right now is to Take Responsibility for me. And to find all the areas in my life where I have given up my Power – and take my Power back!

I believe that if and when I can do that, then I will feel so much more solid in a relationship, and just in my life. I can do that while I am in a relationship. I can continue to work on myself, while I am with someone else. And in fact, it seems to me that that is the best time/place to do it – when you can immediately see the results reflected back to you in the form of your partner and how they respond to you, and how a relationship feels and develops.

I am looking forward to more time to practice Siren Tools, and new ways of being!

Wish me luck, seriously. Because I already know that this stuff is wicked hard for me. Sometimes it feels impossible. To let things go and just be okay with “what is,” even if it’s not “what I want.” I know that I have to, because it’s going to make all the difference. And I hate “have to” statements. I want to do it because I want to. I WANT to do it because it’s going to make my life better. I just don’t know how it’s going to be better yet. I don’t know what better is going to feel like!

I think I am afraid of feeling better!

Wow, what a breakthrough, and a strange thought. But I honestly believe it might be true. Of course I want to feel better – but part of me is resisting and doesn’t want to. And so the main thing for me right now, is just discovering how much of me is actually CHOOSING to suffer. Because really, it ultimately has to be a choice. If I didn’t want to suffer, I never would. So part of me wants it to be that way.

And maybe I can find that part of me, and talk nicely to it, and be friendly, and see what it really wants. And then, maybe I won’t feel an urge to feel suffering so much. That would feel good. I know it would.

Now I just have to believe in it….

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 9:35pm
365: Tereana says:

Jilly, that sounds so great! (354) Happy for you!

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 9:36pm
366: Heart says:

yay Tereana!

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 9:37pm
367: Tereana says:

Correction: *I feel* happy for you

(Got to use the FEel word!)

And also, I guess it was 357 – numbers changed!

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 9:38pm
368: Violette says:

I feel frustrated because a new man has been texting me, and I hate texts. I wonder if I am too rigid, or if it would be worth it for me to ask him to call instead. He has asked me out to go hiking, even though I told him I don’t like hiking, so I’m a little annoyed, and I’m nervous he’s going to chose a place that’s far for me to drive to, when I don’t want to drive at all. All these dating details make me so tired, and I want it to feel easier.

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 9:48pm
369: Emerson says:

362 I thought we are supposed to say to him what we don’t want and then ask him what do you think? Not ask about what he thinks of our feelings. Sirens correct me of I’m wrong

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 10:53pm
370: Emerson says:

368
You can say I don’t want to drive far to meet you. What do you think ?

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 10:55pm
371: Emerson says:

Violette I feel the same about text so much that I have a cd called textCd ….lol

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 10:56pm
372: Emerson says:

Textcd has been quiet

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 10:59pm
373: Heart says:

#362 – Emerson – i said I didn’t know what I wanted to do…then I asked….

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 11:08pm
374: Heart says:

I feel stupid now….I guess I should have had a want/don’t want…:(

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 11:13pm
375: Heart says:

oes an “I-Don’t know what I want” qualify?

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 11:16pm
376: Rebecca says:

Sirens

I’ve been feeling a bit down for a couple of days. A friend of mine is suffering from some sort of nervous exhaustion and is in a really bad way. The problem is I am getting frustrated with him, because I believe I can help him but he’s not taking my advice.

I feel like I am being too pushy. I keep making suggestions to him, but instead of embracing anything I suggest he just asks a gazillion questions and appears to turn his nose up at everything.

I explain to him different therapy etc Ihave tried for depression. But he just doesn’t seem interested. I am getting mega frustrated and even angry towards him.

His house is in a really bad state, really cluttered. He keeps saying he wants to sort himself out but when ever I offer to help for some reason he is always busy etc.

I’m getting really frustrated. Everything I suggest is wrong and now I am coming across as a bad person. Now all my friends see me as putting pressure on him in his condition, and being really negative and unsympathetic towards him.

He is on anti depressants which make him really drowsy – he is sort of in a zombie state.

My impression is he wants someone to suggest a pill and everything will go away. He seems to turn his nose up at therapy and CBT.

I don’t know what elsw to suggest. He keeps turning up at my house and not wanting to leave but everything i suggest is wrong.

What shall i do?

Any advice greatly accepted…

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 11:45pm
377: Emerson says:

Heart hmm it feels bad to read that you feel stupid (((heart))) be gentle with yourself ….
If I didn’t know what i wanted to do I would reply in general “it would feel great to eat some yummy food” or “i feel open to go anywhere and im feeling undecided.”

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 11:46pm
378: Rebecca says:

Radlove

Well done! You spoke your truth!

Now can you leave him alone? For a bit at least?

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 11:48pm
379: Heart says:

#377 – Emerson – thank you. i feel comforted. I feel safe.
But I meant the – I don’t know- to mean…I don’t know if I want to go out with him or not..

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 11:51pm
380: Heart says:

Rebecca – is he in Therapy?

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 11:52pm
381: Venus says:

I have what I “think” is a grey area problem. I was in a “perfect” relationship with the love of my life, but we had some other issues. One issues was I moved to his city and lived with him after courtship. I was going to school in that area and it made sense to do that since we were “in love”. No problems, no cheating, abuse, neglect or anything, just love.

The area is which he lives had no jobs and my kids and I had to move back home, because my son wanted to graduate with his friends he grew up with. this was something I promised him when we first moved. My love had just been hit with some financial issues and could no longer help if I stayed.

He was devistated and so was I. However, he did not want to be in a long distance relationship, especially due to the fact we had no idea when things would clear up, so we date others and keep in touch. I have been to see him twice, because my kids wanted to go back and visit friends. However, he has not come visit me once.

I have tried to just cut him off, because I have felt if we are not going to make plans to end up together we might as well move on, but we both still feel love for one another. How should I handle him not coming to see me. I have your system, but not sure how it applies to this situation. Let me add: He has stated he wants to come and will come, but never seems to make the sacrifice.

He seems to be all in if I fall in his lap, but not willing to go out of his way.
What should I say to him?

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 11:54pm
382: Emerson says:

Rebecca you are a good friend and I’ve experienced a similar situation ….and I learned that we can give out input and then step back until they are ready and then be there to support …

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 11:54pm
383: Rebecca says:

Heart – no he’s not in therapy. He said he went once but wasn’t sure it was for him. I felt likehe kept wanting me to give him an answer of what would ‘work’ to stop the depression.

Monday, 3 September 2012 @ 11:59pm
384: Emerson says:

Heart 379 oh ok I understand now. …. have you gone out with him before?
I feel curious about why you’re doubtful….

On another note…
I miss having a man in my life to help me with things. I feel scared and low on resources right now/….this economy freaking sucks!!!

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 12:00am
385: Emerson says:

I’m under so much stress right now I’m having a hard time keeping track of things… It’s hard to concentrate… Some hardships are going on with me and I feel curious why I keep replaying this same story? Not liking it. I’m second guessing and regretting so much. Whyyy am I reliving my past help help help

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 12:03am
386: Rebecca says:

Emerson – I really am trying to step back but he won’t leave me alone – he was at myhouse the other night and he didn’t want to leave. He is an emotional wreck.
He just keeps asking me the same questions over and over. I don’t know how to stop him. We are just going around in circles. It is scaring me to be honest. I feel like. He is putting immense pressure on me to make his decisions for him. I feel really, really super stressed by it all.

I feel really drained and down by it all..

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 12:04am
387: Emerson says:

Why are things so hard for me that are seemingly easy for others ?

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 12:04am
388: Emerson says:

(((Rebecca)))
You can help him but don’t forget to help you too. Is there a counselor you trust ? You could refer him and let him know this is beyond your ability to help but you are not abandoning g him

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 12:07am
389: Heart says:

#384 – wow Emerson….that keep happening to me too – like having the same situation happen. If it keeps happening it means that somewhere your stuck and maybe you need to try something new?
Or just keep trying out the tools + get a hobby or read new literature…Fill your mind with Different Things…

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 12:09am
390: Heart says:

kept not keep

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 12:10am
391: Emerson says:

I can relate to your friend a little bit … He’s in panic mode and not able to concentrate on what you are telling hI’m as advice. I can so relate to that. Perhaps reflecting his feelings like ” I can see you are so sad and anxious… I’m so sorry you feel this way. What could you do to feel better in this moment?”

I don’t know …worth a try

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 12:12am
392: Heart says:

#385 – (((Rebecca))) Encourage him to see a therapist…that’s all you can really do…

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 12:13am
393: Rebecca says:

Emerson – no he just doesn’t seem interested. Also I am reluctant to suggest someone even if I found them on the internet etc. Even if they came with a royal seal of approval. He just picks, and picks, and picks and is soooo negative all the time. If someone disagrees with him he’ll get very defensive and attack them. I think i am only a friend to him because i pacify him and agree with him all the time. I always feel lambadted into agreeing with him and i get sick of reasoning with him. Plus he seems to have zero interest in my life and my problems. Its all about him.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 12:15am
394: Emerson says:

Im trying to give myself reflective listening therapy lol

Well I’m scared that I have some self hatred so I need to heal that. Maybe I need a fresh start move somewhere new…. There are so many memories I have to drive by all the time

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 12:15am
395: Emerson says:

392. Wow

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 12:17am
396: Heart says:

#393 Emerson – move somewhere new if u can….it does wonders for you mindset…and will help u Move On from things faster.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 12:18am
397: Rebecca says:

Emerson – I have tried all that like a gazzillion times. There is only so many times you can say it and you start to feel peeved. I’m feeling everything is one sided with him.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 12:19am
398: Rebecca says:

Heart – I’ve suggested a therapist a number of times and he turns his nose up. I don’t think I should keep suggesting, sorry to go against your advice.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 12:20am
399: Jenny says:

So yesterday I logged onto my profile on the dating site. And CDJ (he I was on the first date thursday)

Earlier yesterday morning I had sent hi anletter, with answers on a topic we right then was talking about.

SoYesterday evning when I was on my profile. I saw he had sent me an letter. In that letter he answered the topic we was writting about and e also wrote:

“I’m looking forward to tomorrow, sit on a couch and cuddle with you in front of a movie. I let you decide the movie =) Hugs” (and then he mention something I had written in a text about warming my hands)

So I thought – “Ok now he have giving, then I can once stick out my nose” We hadn’t yet talked about waht time and where. So I sent him a text: “Any thoughts about when and where? Hug ”

He answered with a place and time. I just answered “Ok that will work Hugs”

He dont know exactly where I live…and my old me would right there have giving him direction to my place…I didnt. It took him 5 min to write another text and ask where I live.

And my old me, would have giving him a long explanation how to find me

Me new one just wrote “I would feel very impressed if you would find me without knowing where I live *Adress* Hug ”

He wrote back “Yeah me too . Now I’m going to bed. Good night, se you tomorrow . hug”

My old me would have write back with good night…and also “Just call me if you dont find your way” – my new me: I will not write anything about it since I know….if a man needs help he will ask for it.

I’m feeling proud and strong, nervous, giigling, shy, insecure, out of balance, soft, godess, female and beautiful…wow.

I just got a very nice aha moment this morning:

Since I started to date the men is getting better. I can see how I’m leaning, the process.

1 man who made me feel anything – was the secret military man; he opend my heart for myself…I feel such thankfull for this man, since he showed me so much, I learned soo much about myself.

2; Johnny…My casual dating…a younger man who I meet and had sex with 2 times a week…for 4 months. Here a lot of pain is, since there was deep and heavy thing. I got scared, since I realised after 5 months I liked him…so I got cold on him. And the gods know I miss him like hell, I have promised myself, No contact untill I have cleared all feeling for him, and totelly forgiven myself from not being honest with myself and telling him how I felt.

3; CdJim, the man who I felt for after 3 dates – who now is living toghter with a married woman

4; CDJ Who I will meet today. I was speakless when I first meet him…and that aint nothing that happens alot.

So I can see…somewhere I’m starting to feel more safe and open..feelings is growing much easier and I I feel more loving, more open for love.

…so I know no matter what, I will geting more and more feelings, love myself more and more…and I feel afraid…yes. But strong and knowing..I will get what I want. Wow, that is a very nice knowing.

Even if I like cdJ alot, I know, there will allways be other men who wants me, he aint my only options. I have a clear picture of what I want…and Im going after that.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 12:24am
400: Rebecca says:

Emerson – to be honest he hits the roof if i ever dare to reflect his feelings.

Hmmm… I’m actually now questioning our friendship. Does friendship look like this? I am treading on egg shells. Is that good?

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 12:25am
401: Heart says:

397 Rebecca – it’s ok…..Maybe he is using u as a therapist. I fl bad for you Rebecca. The situation sounds awful. I would feel better if you just ended the friendship. It might help him in the long run.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 12:25am
402: Rebecca says:

Heart – thank you. That feels good to read.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 12:27am
403: ruth says:

Hi Rebecca
This “friendship” does seem rather one sided
In depression, a person has to want to be helped

I feel anxious for you
Please dont get dragged down by this man
You have done your best, made your suggestions and tried to help
Please look after you

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 12:29am
404: ruth says:

Tereana, wow that feels exiting to read about your weekend
Turquoise you sound so balanced about your situation
And Mr Conversation sounds so NICE

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 12:30am
405: Emerson says:

Rebecca maybe the message for you is to exercise your boundaries in an advanced way

I don’t know what the message is for me in my current situation. I think it may have to do with surrender and allowing others to help me. I’ve been fiercely independent in my whole adult life and it keeps people at a distance.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 12:31am
406: ruth says:

404 Emerson
that one resonates with me!

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 12:35am
407: Heart says:

#383 – Emerson – I just dont know if I want to keep seeing him or not. I feel hesitant. I don’t want to get attached and I have my reservations. Meh. I have went out with him a couople of times.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 12:35am
408: Emerson says:

399 not ok.
It’s ok to keep your distance.
Also send him compassion even though he is difficult.
You can still keep yourself unavailable to his dumping g on you

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 12:35am
409: Rebecca says:

Ruth

Ahhh thank you.

Yes. I felt super, super drained by it. I felt consumed by his problems and for tje whole of the next day I was replaying conversations in my head.

He doesn’t seem to mind that its making me feel down. He doesn’t seem to care and thats whats bothering me.

The other neighbour that I talked about has also put emotional pressure on me to ‘help’ this friend. Even phoning me up late Saturday night to ask me to check up on the friend with depression.

I told him how exasperated i was feeling with the whole situation – but he didn’t seem to care.

It just seems to be ‘oh, good ol rebecca will look after everybody – she is a complete pushover’.

I feel really sad and angry about this..

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 12:37am
410: Emerson says:

406 heart ask yourself what exactly are your reservations ?
Is it a gut feeling of something dishonest about him or are you running from the potential of intimacy

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 12:38am
411: Emerson says:

In fact for me, The thought of relying on another person for my basic needs is terrifying

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 12:40am
412: ruth says:

ooh new Sirens!
hello Lena and senara

you have come to a great place
Lots of good advice and tools here

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 12:41am
413: Emerson says:

Rebecca you may feel that you’ve “lost” the friendship with him as you set up boundaries but stick to your guns he is not entitled to dump all over you

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 12:42am
414: Emerson says:

Hmm I’m having some thoughts that I’ve gone thru all this crap just to be a better person and better partner with more compassion when I do find the one

I have been curious about textCD he is something special …

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 12:44am
415: ruth says:

Rebecca I agree totally with Emerson that it is time to set your boundaries about what is acceptable behaviour towards you
It *is* very difficult to do that sometimes, especially if you have always acted a certain way and people expect you to step in and help
I have had that expectation of me too for years and years
When i first started saying “no” people didnt like it
It felt bad to me at first because i was worried about what people were thinking o me
But then it started to feel liberating
And i was treated with a whole lot more respect

Not easy to do though, I know

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 12:46am
416: Heart says:

#409 – Emerson – Wow. You stated that PERFECTLY. I’m going to write that down….Eureka! Thank you Emerson. I feel like crying. Wisdom.

I don’t know if it’s my gut instinct or a fear of intimacy. I’ve beem trying to figure that out and can’t.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 12:47am
417: Rebecca says:

Ruth

Thank you

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 12:52am
418: Tam says:

Heart, did you get a response from CuddleyGrinch?
I think you did well speaking your truth and I can sympathise as to how hard that is.
I find it very difficult…and almost impossible person to person. I prefer when I can think about my feelings and write them down…in the moment I usually clam up. Urgh.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 1:17am
419: Emerson says:

I feel myself holding on to something although I don’t know what it is exactly… I’m resisting.
Oohh is it pride?
What would my world lok like without it…???

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 1:19am
420: Emerson says:

415 (((heart)))

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 1:20am
421: Emerson says:

I feel weird with my mom sometimes like she does not care if I end up in a craphole apartment somewhere all alone .

She’s alwys set her sights low when it comes to my life and achievements ” I don’t know if you can handle that Emerson …”

It hurts more than I’ve allowed myself to admit

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 1:22am
422: Femininewoman says:

Rebecca I too keep getting the impression that these people show up in your life with the message “practice setting boundaries”.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 1:26am
423: Heart says:

#417 – Hi Tam – Thank you. Yes expressing is scary but right now I feel really good. I mean it is a new way of doing things…My insides feel easy though…I feel relaxed and fluid..I was ound up so tight. Just speaking my truth and letting it all go makes me feel so….Fluid.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 1:31am
424: Tam says:

((((Radlove))))…now you heard it again from him.
I really think your best course of action, if there is a ‘turning around’ of this situation at all, is to sit on your hands.
I know that you know that and I also know that you say you are too weak to see it through.
How about using the time to tell yourself that you are strong and that you are leaning back to look after yourself and to regain your strength.
I believe if you keep leaning forward and pushing him into a corner it is just going to be counter productive…..
I guess you know that. I feel for you….stay strong.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 1:33am
425: Heart says:

Tam – no I haven’t yet..I feel scared…

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 1:37am
426: Tam says:

Hi Heart!!
Regarding whether it might be a ‘fear of intimacy’….only you can get to the bottom of that.
I only had my aha moment a few months ago, after 36 years of living on this earth and thinking it was the men that were emotionally unavailable and afraid of intimacy (yes, I did pick a few cases of that), I finally realised that I was the common denominator..and that it was me who was emotionally unavailable as I had built huge internal walls ever since my childhood (which was on some accounts traumatic but I always denied it and said ‘I am fine, childhood means nothing, I live NOW’).

So well, it always pays off looking at oneself first…I still find it interesting that it had never occurred to me before, I was the classic case really.

That was my story.

However, sometimes some guys do make me feel uneasy or like I can’t trust them – but maybe you could see him a few more times to actually work out what your feeling is and where it comes from…

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 1:39am
427: Tam says:

424…he is most likely taking his time…I am sure you will hear from him.
I must say, everytime I send feeling messages out at MrP (after he initiated the convo), he reacts one of two ways. Either he will write back within minutes…or he will just leave it, and pick up a week later never relating to what was said. The amnesia message.
In fact, sometimes I do wonder, he seems a bit scatty these days, he forgets things and not always deliberately.

CuddleyG is most likely wondering how he can relate to it..he might just come back to you with a totally different topic after a little thinking time…to pick up contact. Just a guess.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 1:45am
428: Heart says:

Tam – Thanks for the feedback Tam. I am grateful for your story. I don’t feel good to hear you suffered – ((((((Tam)))))) – but I feel good to hear you had an aha moment that changed your life.

If he is still keen, I think I have to keep seeing him and exploring my emotions more.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 1:53am
429: Heart says:

#426 – Tam – I feel bad reading about how Mr. P responds. I wonder if he can handle your emotions.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 2:09am
430: Tam says:

428..Heart…mmmh…interesting. Can he handle my emotions? I don’t expect him to, anymore, in a word I am trying to learn to handle them myself. He’s not important in the greater scheme of things, either he comes along or he doesn’t.

But things are definitely better since I have leant back and used feeling messages, he definitely responds quite well to them and has even opened up a little. He has become much softer towards me and extremely protective. I am very surprised, it feels a little like he is ‘handling me with care’ (as if I have one of those stickers on me..haha). Before, he could be quite harsh and hurtful.

He has big problems and issues, some of which I do not want to spread here, and it remains to be seen if he can overcome some of his fears. Personally, I doubt it, but chose to remain open and positive. I used to be very critical and judgmental, and as he is just the same, you can imagine that it didn’t help. He tries the best he can, and he is a carer/giver etc. I respect him and would never push him. He takes his sweet time with everything, and he risks losing me and knows that.

We will see what happens when I get to Florida…nothing at all might happen and I am mentally preparing myself for that. Although he has tentatively tried to make plans ‘for us’….remains to be seen how that pans out, if at all.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 2:24am
431: Heart says:

Tam – Well I feel good to hear he is tender and protective of you. What is it about men, eh Tam? I read somewhere that like attract like…and that we attract we’re we are at in our lives.
I guess you haven’t learnt the lesson you need to learn from Mr. P yet.
Oh well – there wil be some hot bodies in FL!

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 2:31am
432: Femininewoman says:

Tam remember Rori says prepared to be surprised as you change your communication.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 2:38am
433: Tam says:

430. Heart, in fact not sure…I think that I have learnt the lesson from him, which is why things have become much more relaxed between us….in fact, almost a bit too relaxed as we can talk about absolutely everything, and his house feels like my house (perhaps because we have tried to put it straight so many times..haha..carrying stuff from one room to the other).
I think now the real challenge is that we are such good friends and we both know each others issues and past….and that doesn’t always inspire excitement and romance, does it?
And he feels rejected by me because I have said that I do not want too much physical intimacy. He accused me of dangling a carrot in front of him…And then I feel like I was rejected because suddenly he felt ambivalent about having a relationship…which is why I pulled back physically.
I suspect, sadly, that we will end up in the friendship zone. Well, it is what it is.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 2:40am
434: Tam says:

431. FW, true true….and I have already been very surprised, truly.
But I am still learning and have huge problems of speaking my truth as and when the stuff happens as I feel blinded by feelings sometimes…and afraid to make a mistake.
It is not easy, with the feeling messages in person.
In hindsight and on paper all is much easier.
Struggling.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 2:43am
435: baby steps says:

Hi Sirens, I have a quick question, how do men initially respond to feeling messages? Do they respond or go quiet?

i am hoping to save my r/s and rekindle the fire and feeling messages seem like a good starting point. I’m not good with words so I decided to take baby steps and give feeling messages about situations not related to him…. Just in case it comes across as critical!

The couple of times I’ve texted him my feelings, he goes all quiet and doesn’t respond….

I sent a happy feeling message about how happy I was as a dreaded situation resolved itself. He went quiet.
Another time, I texted that I was feeling lonely as I am all alone on a work trip in another state. He read it but didn’t reply,
After experiencing my first minor earthquake, I texted 2 short sentences abt how I felt when I woke to the tremors, again he was quiet.

This is not normal. Before my work trip started, he calls or text daily. Now, he never initiates any conversation but he will respond to direct questions. If I ask about his hobby, he will chat abit more but that’s it.

I’ve been really busy the last 1.5 months and so we have been seeing each other less.. But things were fine ( well I thought things were fine…)

Thanks for reading and please, can someone share what their long term partners reaction was like when they first start feeling messages?

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 2:45am
436: Heart says:

#433 – this is true, Tam. It’s difficult in person.
#432 – Sounds like someone who can row the relationship boat. I hope you find someone else soon.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 2:52am
437: Heart says:

#433 – this is true, Tam. It’s difficult in person.
#432 – Sounds like someone who can’t row the relationship boat. I hope you find someone else soon.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 2:53am
438: Heart says:

can’t not can

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 2:53am
439: Lizka says:

Hmmm wondering why I don’t get any response. Second time I post here this week and I feel invisible.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 2:54am
440: Tam says:

436 – I understood even with typo, Heart.

He can row the boat alright if he wants to, but no, it is not comfy for him to do so. I am not helping out anymore, I used to row and he tagged along. But he is a very masculine man and in all areas of his life, if he wanted something: he got it. Very tenacious.

So I know he can get out of his comfort zone and row, but maybe he just can’t do it with me, perhaps with a woman who is less close to him and more his physical ideal…who knows. I am no longer wondering, I will see what happens in regards to actions.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 3:04am
441: Heart says:

lizka – Howabout : I feel bored texting. I want to see your face. WDYT?

I don’t know…maybe something like that?

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 3:06am
442: Lizka says:

Thanks Heart

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 3:41am
443: Siren Angel says:

Good morning Sirens,

I woke up feeling all torn inside and heavy tears started flowing out, like they are coming out of every cell of my body to purge the pain. I am in soooo much pain in my heart and my body is so achy. I miss him so much and this feels so unfair, like a bad joke or a trick has been played on me. I feel intense waves of sadness.

I am also feeling scared about the blog. There is so much I have shared here, it really scares me.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 3:57am
444: Siren Angel says:

Lizka,

For the texting you could also trya ‘I don’t want to communicate through texts all the time, I feel I can’t share as freely’ (or something like that). This way you are expressing a clear boundary and an FM too.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 4:00am
445: Memulo says:

I think I may not hear from him for a long time now. If he is not willing to help me, the fact that I have problems is not attractive

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 4:08am
446: Daria says:

im feeling really pleased with myself and lovely

im taking awesome intuitive care of myself nutritionally

so many lovely resources are flowing to me

Money has my back and hes supporting me in healing my fear that he wont be there when i want him

sigh

im free of some scary judgements of other people that would trouble me deeply and scare me

im actually healing some of my other judgements of people i have

i feel loved by my fam

i feel sleepy and also rested

i had hugely healing dreams last nite

men adore me

spirits love me

writing this is triggering some fears and i love all of them

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 4:09am
447: Daria says:

Memulo – ouch at *winky face*

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 4:10am
448: Siren Angel says:

Memulo,

Problems do not make you unattractive, and vulnerability can make you very attractive. I think you handled it quite well from what you wrote and I sense than he did an honest effort to help you the way he thinks is best right now.

Possibly, he is in a state of mind where he will have difficulty dealing with any more issues right now because of his custody things. But life is life, and these things come up. It might be a good idea to explore and experience this with him, and you may be surprised.

I feel confident for you this will not be an issue between you and him. Try to focus on getting legal advice as a 1st step and then see from there and see what the Sirens think.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 4:15am
449: forest siren says:

(((((siren angel)))) I wonder if the mornings are harder when we wake up and are feeling vulnerable?

I tell myself when I feel that much pain that Lionman feels the same too. But I still don’t call

You are a wise and gentle siren capable of helping someone else even when you are in a lot of pain.

Can you tell me more about the domino thing in relation to conversations? I’ve put myself back to square one by over functioning with a helpful suggestion so now I have a silent lion in his cave again.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 4:16am
450: Memulo says:

Daria,

The alternative is to cry. Winky face will upset me less.

Maybe I should have asked bluntly. Or in person rather than over the phone. Well, too late now

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 4:17am
451: Siren Angel says:

M has a maid that comes on Tuesdays, while he is at work, and the thought of just going to pick up my things then has come to me. Although I am terrified he would feel invaded and disrespected.

What do you think?

Also, I admit, I really would love to see him, but I am in so much pain in my heart.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 4:19am
452: Siren Angel says:

Forest Siren @447,

Do you have Modern Siren? It’s in that program but I like to expand that tool as it is one that can be applied to almost any action/inaction. Basically ‘You are the first domino’ is the tool. It says that you make a move (or not) and then a reaction comes from action/reaction. In this sense, you DO have some control, as it depends on the domino you make fall down where ‘everything can fall into place’. Hope this helps.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 4:22am
453: Siren Angel says:

Memulo,

Please don’t beat yourself up over what is done. Again, I think you did good. Focus on caring for you (lawyer, alternatives) and then ask him if you want what he thinks, when he shows up.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 4:24am
454: Siren Angel says:

FS 450:

Basically ‘You are the first domino’ is the tool. It says that you make a move (or not) and then a reaction (another domino) comes from action/inaction. When you make the right move, all the dominos fall perfectly aligned.

I like this tool as when I was really little “oh domino” by Bob Dylan was my favorite song.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 4:26am
455: forest siren says:

Memulo yes he gave you some good practical tips that you could do. I’m sure you are capable of doing them. But still I feel there is a piece missing. It’s not even the financial aspect. It’s the protective part, the catching your feelings part and anger on your behalf. You feel for him about what he is going through so it would be good to feel that he is angry for you.

If it were me I would want the feeling of knowing he cared.

I get strength from Lionman. When we spend quiet time together it gives me strength to face the challenges of day to day life. I don’t think it’s wrong or unsirenlike to draw that strength from him. I know I’m strong and independent anyway. It’s part of the reason the last few months have been so awful be sues I have had very difficult things to deal with like losing my job and I have not leaned on him because we were not together and I refused to go to him for that unless things had changed.

Sorry I mean to say can you get that feeling of strength from him as in we are in this together?

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 4:28am
456: Senara says:

384 Emerson:

I’m new here but I want to say that I’ve been reading this blog for a long while now, so I sort of know everyone’s story.

I want to tell you that I have been in this situation too; I used to feel like my life was an endless circle and that I kept re-living the same things.

Then I realized that it was perfectly normal for my life to be like that – it only meant I had things to work on and I really strived to find out why things didn’t evolve.

I accepted it.

Up until lately (maybe a couple of years), I felt stuck and like I was going nowhere, reliving the same things over and over again. Now, when I feel that I am falling into the pattern of feeling sorry for myself because of repeated, lame experiences, I sit down and try to find out why these situations keep coming back into my life.

Most of the times, I am able to identify the pattern and what has been blocking me from moving forward.

But I really have to sink in my feelings to do that, I need to be totally at ease. That is the hardest thing to do for me because I’m kind of hyper at times.

Meditation and yoga really helped me and now the answers come a lot faster.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 4:29am
457: Memulo says:

SA,

Thank you so much for your kind words. You made me feel so supported and taken care of, as always!

I will get legal advice today,yes.

You should remember about M that he didn’t really want to stop seeing you, so now he may in turn get resentful with his kids and for sure he is having a lot of second thoughts. Remember, even when he wanted a break up for his ‘own’ reasons, at the end he always came back to you.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 4:34am
458: forest siren says:

Thank you siren angel.

Hmmm that is a good question. My instinct would totally be yes text him say stopping off to pick up my things while x is cleaning hope that’s ok and that way avoid seeing him and letting him see my pain and also hope for a reaction from him. But maybe it would be good for him to see your pain?

Am curious to know what other sirens think.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 4:35am
459: ruth says:

433 Tam

Im glad I am not the only one who calms up using feeling messages in real life

hugs to you SA-its early days

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 4:36am
460: ruth says:

I have had three “feeling messages” this morning from my man by text
they feel like misslies thrown in anger
I am not sure what to make of this at all

Just as well I am busy in work to keep my mind off it

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 4:38am
461: ruth says:

grrrrrr
Clams
Missiles

Im feeling rattled

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 4:39am
462: Memulo says:

FS,

I don’t know what to tell you. He sounded caring when he offered his advice. He said warmly- would you stop crying now? After this conversation we talked about his stuff and at the end he said out of blue- you will handle the money. But did he take care of me as his woman? Probably not.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 4:43am
463: Tam says:

(((Siren Angel))) (((Memulo)))) ((((forest siren)))
You are all so strong…
Please don’t be scared Siren Angel, for sharing on the blog…
Memulo, I agree with you, if I don’t feel like a guy would help me in a sticky situation it’s a real turn off…

Hi Ruth!! No, you are not the only one..I guess it takes a while to unlearn all the wrong things I have been doing and the wall I have inside was strengthened and fortified the older I got – so the demolishing is also taking time…sometimes it feels like going backwards but I believe I can do it!!

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 4:45am
464: Heart says:

CuddleyGrinch did not write me back.
I feel sad.
I feel Punished.
I feel betrayed.
I feel Surprised.
I feel insulted…

oh these waves…

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 4:48am
465: Memulo says:

FS, SA,

Don’t know, I would probably do no contact for the longest time. Definitely not come for my stuff while he is at home and not text him about anything. When he is not – what’s the rush? Let him come to you, don’t confuse him in his process.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 4:48am
466: Tam says:

462..Heart, remember: men have a different time-line.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 4:50am
467: Memulo says:

I’m thinking – maybe I should let him know I am not very happy about his reaction? Because I was mostly silent or said – ok, I may try that.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 4:51am
468: Heart says:

I’m lying down…
I feel ok now…I just breathe and experience all these feelingss.
I feel excited to be diving into myself…
I feel so connected to me in this moment.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 4:51am
469: Senara says:

411 Ruth:

Thank you for your warm welcome!

It feels nice to be seen and called a Siren! :

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 4:52am
470: Femininewoman says:

Senara I feel good reading your words. I believe you will be rewarde by your choices.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 4:59am
471: Femininewoman says:

Ruth his energy is coming towards you.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 5:01am
472: Memulo says:

Maybe I can text – do you remember when my bday is? because he doesn’t and I did not get my gift ever.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 5:05am
473: Tam says:

470 Memulo, oh no, not the gift again!!
I’d say sit on your hands….

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 5:07am
474: Siren Angel says:

Memulo, stop! Don’t text. It will only make him think he makes you unhappy and that is not good and it is way too much leaning forward energy right now and he may feel overwhelmed.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 5:13am
475: Siren Angel says:

Memulo and FS,

I will wait. Maybe I am putting expectations on what his reaction might be. Best to sit with it for a while and feel this out. Maybe I want to do something bold and rash to provoke him. Not good, I need to move away from that state
and wait. It would probably make me feel awful after.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 5:18am
476: ruth says:

FW
It does not feel good at all

sigh

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 5:24am
477: ruth says:

473 SA

Spot on

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 5:24am
478: ruth says:

|Memulo are you feeling angry

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 5:26am
479: Senara says:

All right, I just had an epiphany.

My “little self” just told me that I do not have to wait for him to show his interest at all.

I figured out that it was my “little self” wanting more attention and that I cannot ask someone to give it to me against their will.

So I feel that what would be best for me to do now is just not to struggle with that anymore, not to look for some sort of “pretend” interest on his part to still feel good about the stuff I’m passionate about.

But on the other hand, I wonder if I should not refrain in showing so much interest to the things he enjoys doing because it feels like I’m the one who’s pretending now.

Oh, I am so mixed up!

I don’t want to pretend! I want to be real and true and open and transparent! I want to be happy with who I am and what I like!

I have got to let go of the fact that people won’t like everything I like, that we are all different and that there is no way I can change them by being triggered about this.

I have to accept that he is not able to do that now and I have to go on enjoying what I do and show him that these things are important to me, without trying to get him involved if he doesn’t feel like it. Yes, I want to continue doing these things because they make me feel good.

I don’t want someone disinterest alter the way I feel when I do things I enjoy, even if they are not able or willing to communicate why they don’t want to know more about it.

It’s their stuff.

Hmmm, I believe I just answered my own question.

But I still welcome your ideas and suggestions, Sirens!

Thank you for letting me process here. I didn’t think I would write so much but I feel at ease and comfortable, it feels nice.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 5:31am
480: ruth says:

feels good to read Senara

I learn a lot from this blog

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 5:32am
481: Heart says:

I feel so hungry…

New Visualisation….I just made this up …Do it. It’s fun!

Treasure Tool

1) Lie down. Close your eyes and relax. Breathe in and out a few times.
2) Imagine yourself in a big, dark spacious room. Pretend you’re wearing the Dress you most recently wanted to get. Imagine the shoes you are wearing.

3) Now start walking along a red carpet. Just keep breathing ad walking in your heels/shoes. Click..click ..click.
You should be feeling Goddess-like.

4) Come to a rope stairs that is hanging in the darkness.
Climb the stairs. When you get to the top you should be on a precipice with a door in front of you.

5) Walk to the door and open it. Picture dark box sitting in the darkness.

6) Take the box and open it..

7) Come back and tell Us the object that You saw.

8) Tell yourself –> This Object is a part of the Mystery of You.

- Remember it when you’re feeling lost.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 5:41am
482: Heart says:

I was wearing this really pretty dress I saw recently…I felt really good and I had on the awesome heels

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 5:44am
483: Butterfly Wings says:

I’m only up to post 32 so it might be a while before I catch up and I just wanted to post an update.

So yes, TH was a bit cranky at me last night and yes he grumbled and tried (and failed) to make me feel guilty for stating my boundaries and sticking to them, despite him trying to convince me otherwise.

I ended up going to sleep and didn’t give it another thought.

So this morning he texted me to say that he would come home with me so we could leave for the gym together from there (we’d agreed to go to the gym together tonight), which was actually a better arrangement than we usually have, so I was happy with that.

I have the house to myself right now, so before gym we had some “fun” and OMG he knows how to please a woman! lol

After gym he helped me with my grocery shopping, and then suggested he stay at my house tonight, which I’m also happy with – warm cuddles!

So I set a boundary, I stuck to it, I told him what the boundary was, he grumbles and tries to make me feel guilty, and then the next day he makes every effort to spend even more time with me, and on my terms. This stuff really works!

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 5:44am
484: forest siren says:

Hi laughing goddess how are you this morning? I goggled the beloved festival and they had a list of musicians so now I have lots of new music to explore

Serena welcome. I relate to what you are saying. I too want my man to care about the things I care about. I learned as a child to get attention I had to be passionate about other peoples passions and my poor things were overlooked. I am working hard on loving these things myself. Unfortunately recently this has happened again and I need now to move back to my world. I am in the process of rebuilding that world for myself.

Memulo hmmm the gift. It took me a few weeks to get my birthday gift this year too as I did not like his choice and it had to be returned. Sorry that sounds diva like but true. Then we went shopping together and I let him pick out something I liked. Perhaps you could say when next he calls oh let’s get my birthday present that would cheer me up and make me feel good? But only when he calls. To text him do you remember when my birthday is sounds snippy and argumentative to me.

Lionman will call me today and want to see me. I feel insecure because well my roots need to be done! Is that crazy? I want to see him so badly but I fear he will think I am letting myself go …. I don’t look bad I just think he will judge me as not looking perfect enough I have brought a lot of not good enough to this relationship and I’m really working on it. I can’t afford to do my hair for another week. Then again I always drop ebpverything to see him may be we can both wait a week …

Tam you are so good at doing no leaning forward. I’m impressed

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 5:46am
485: Tam says:

OMG, Heart, what are you a second Rori now???
You could be her assistant!!
That is soooo cool!!

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 5:46am
486: Heart says:

ROFL Tam! FUNNY!!!
& Thanks.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 5:49am
487: forest siren says:

Or maybe I can let him see me as I am …..

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 5:49am
488: Senara says:

468 FW:

Thank you! I feel good reading your words and I believe you are right!

I do feel like I am finally getting somewhere. My thirties were the toughest times to go through for me and I was well into my forties to finally be able to get a hang on turning the wheel around.

It’s been hard work for years – and it still is – but I can see it come to fruition.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 5:49am
489: Belle says:

I’m at work, apparently C took the day off and called me at work (he doesn’t have my personal number) to let me know that he was thinking of me even though he took the day off.
I leaned back, unzippered my heart and all that…then started to feel angry.
B: C, are you still married?
C: Yeah.
B: Do you still have a girlfriend?
C: Yeah
B: Do you tell you’re girlfriend that you are thinking of me?
C: Should I?
B: Why are you asking ME?
C: Well, I had a question to ask you …(then starts to talk about something else)
I notice my pulse is rising, I can feel adrenaline pumping
B: This does not feel good at all. This does not feel good at all. (Actually, it didn’t really feel bad, I was feeling defensive maybe? But this was all I could muster.)
C: Alright then. (click)
And I’m sitting here at work just wanting to ROAR (softly grrring under my breath), mostly at myself because I feel mad that I was unable to recognize and say I felt angry.
Hahaha, I’m mad at myself for not being able to express anger rationally and calmly.
I’m feeling insecure, like, “Am I allowed? Am I allowed to trash this imaginary relationship and not be sireny about it? AM I ALLOWED TO ENFORCE BOUNDARIES? Am I allowed to fight him off and push him away? ”
Oh. That just hit something kind of deep. I’m not sure what…something about being allowed to fight for myself and feeling mixed up about that because the guy is not my enemy but he’s not my friend either and did I just do something terribly wrong???? Am I in trouble now? Is something bad going to happen because I didn’t say something in the right way or be feminine enough or…or…or…
Breathing through the anger…feeling a growl in my chest…I feel unsure, insecure, am I doing this wrong? Can I protect my boundaries with ferocity? Is this FEMININE?
And then I’m thinking…Mama Bear energy.
Is this okay is this okay is this allowed???
OMG this is crazy. Breathing through it.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 5:50am
490: Senara says:

482 Forest Siren (love your name, btw!)

“I am in the process of rebuilding that world for myself.”

Yes, that’s exactly what I feel I have to do too. Thank you for chiming in, I don’t feel like I am alone in my situation anymore, although I know I am not, but you get my point…can’t see the forest for the trees, I guess.

There are issues in every couple, the trick is to try and take care of ourself first and foremost for people around us to feel happy about them and us too.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 5:53am
491: Tam says:

482, forest siren…I don’t know about the leaning back. I am doing too much of it.
It feels awkward now because I am sure he must be thinking I am not at all interested anymore…I literally just reply to his attempts at making contact and if he doesn’t pick up the ball after that – nothing until he makes contact again.
To be fair, he only contacts when he has a reason…so he has been making up reasons, like newspaper/internet articles, or asking me to help him with his stuff (6 weeks before I am even out), or sending me a song as he was telling me he had been picking up the guitar again….so if he can’t find a reason, it’s like he is too shy to reach out.
And since it was always me who had been the communicator, I can see that he sees it as lack of interest….for sure.
This is the man who, when my phone broke, texted twice and tried to call and then when I was not jumping to attention, thought I got married and never wanted to speak to him again!!!!
He literally screamed at me to change my cell phone provider when he found out…and said he had sent ‘lots and lots of messages’ (well, two.)…too funny. How’s that for making up a story? Worse than me!!
So I know he is stewing and wondering…but you know what, maybe just maybe it isn’t a bad thing to let him have the oars and if he drops them, well then. This girly ain’t picking them up.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 5:54am
492: forest siren says:

Heart what a cool tool! You are awesome at making these up. Are you a coach?

Oh I love the dress I am wearing in my visualization! And gorgeous shoes. There is a heart in the box.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 5:55am
493: Tam says:

485 Forest Siren… let him see you as you are, maybe you could even say a feeling message about feeling insecure with your roots.
I once stayed at MrP’s annexe and he woke me up in the morning and I opened the door and felt terrible as my hair was a mess and I really looked a mess (I prefer he sees me all made up and coiffed)…and he just stood there looking mesmerised. I just said ‘oh, I look awful’. Well, when I closed the door, he was shouting from the outside to make me come out again…
I was totally embarrassed…I think they like to see us with our insecurities…I really do….
go for it, you might be surprised (unless you really feel too bad about it, waiting a week is a good idea too)

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 5:58am
494: Heart says:

# 490 Forest.S – there was a heart in my box too! A big red jewel heart.
No I’m not a coach…lol. But thank you for the praise. I feel encouraged. I feel valued. I feel smile-y.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 6:01am
495: forest siren says:

Tam yes I think that is the point that maybe they would think we are not interested so that’s why Rori says to be warm when they do reach out so then they are wondering and keep trying.

Is mrp insecure? I’ve said before I’ve done way too much reassuring and building up and encouraging etc etc. I want a reciprocal relationship.

I really feel mr p really likes you. He may be figuring out how can he do this. Let him figure it out!

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 6:01am
496: Senara says:

I used to be someone who would forcefully try to make people see things the way I did and I would get triggered if they didn’t. Obviously, that didn’t work so I changed my pattern and started sharing less about my passions. That made me feel alone for a while but a lot more peaceful because I felt like I didn’t have to justify myself for being so passionate about such and such cause.

I guess there is still some of that behaviour stuck inside of me, it’s just a tiny glitter and it’s still trying to push and shove to come up to the surface.

But I don’t feel like I want to let it take all the space anymore, not when almost everything else is fine with my relationship.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 6:02am
497: Memulo says:

Thank you Sirens. I somehow doubt I will be hearing from him anytime soon. Also I feel that I a lot more open to CDing now. He did not try to make plans with me anyway

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 6:07am
498: forest siren says:

Oh thats cute I can imagine the high schooler all sleepy and cute looking! No wonder he liked it!

When I first started dating L I would have my hair professionally done every week. And buy new clothes all the time! I think I’m going to risk it! If I let my friends see it like this then why not him? Also I have blondish hair so you can’t really see. L has a beard sometimes and when I see grey in it it makes me feel so something I don’t know so yes he is a very sexy man but also I see it as vulnerable.

I don’t want to feel like I have to be perfect all the time like some idealized version of myself.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 6:08am
499: Tam says:

493, Forest Siren, he is totally insecure. That’s exactly the thing. It took me a while to work it out and recently he even told me that he has been shy all his life..if you saw him you’d never guess, he covers it with pretend confidence and anger, same as I used to do basically.
He can’t even initiate affection..and neither can I..so you can imagine. It’s quite hilarious. Actually I find it funny now…once he does have the courage, it will be very plump. I mean, one time he grabbed my hand (in front of our friends, I was totally unprepared) and nearly pulled me off the sofa…hehehe…but it’s actually quite sweet. And a little sad in some ways, because when I think back on when we first met, I really grabbed the initiative (I blame alcohol) for the first time we were physically intimate… Otherwise we’d have sat talking until 5am.
Now I cringe as I wouldn’t do that again. No wonder he is confused. I am also.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 6:10am
500: Tam says:

493 – forest siren, my comment is in moderation, no idea why, all I was saying was that yes, he is totally insecure but he pretends to be all confident and yes, has even admitted his shyness to me.
I find it sweet, but he also can’t start affection off, he has real trouble with that and so have I, so you can imagine – like teenagers basically. Traditionally I was the one initiating, so no wonder now he is perplexed.
Oh, it’s all really silly

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 6:12am
501: Tam says:

496…aw forest siren…can you imagine my horror after every boating session..I used to look like the mad woman, sunburnt, with mad hair etc.
At some point I stopped caring…and just enjoy the boating I do really look a total mess afterwards though…and as for sweet smelling in 100 degrees and salt water..well.
I really think we are too self conscious…they most likely don’t even notice much of a difference.
Though he does like it when I wear make up and perfume, as he does comment, so he notices it.

I agree with you, we should not put that pressure of being perfect all the time on ourselves…and I try not to. I used to almost see the ‘wanting to be perfect’ as a sign of my fear – never to let people see the real me, well .

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 6:17am
502: Tam says:

496..forest siren, just do it. It might bring you closer!

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 6:19am
503: Heart says:

Forest Siren – Roots are sexy! But if u feel self-conscious then postpone the meeting. If having no roots showing makes u feel siren like then go with that…

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 6:23am
504: Heart says:

#496 – Forest Siren – show the roots then…Be Brave…

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 6:32am
505: Heart says:

I am so Surprised by CudG’s silence.
Wow….I did not expect this at all.
He does not take this long to respond.
It’s definitely different from what I was expecting.
Wow.

I feel so surprised.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 6:41am
506: ruth says:

It feels good to read of the Sirens on here embracing themselves and not always *having* to look perfect

That does feel empowering to me
In my experience men wont often notive things like roots, but they wil notice if you make a special effort
Win win for us

(having said that my roots need doing)
Running is utterly unglamorous and not very good for hair/skin

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 6:45am
507: Heart says:

#481 – Butterfly wings – wow. I feel happy an hopeful to hear that…

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 6:47am
508: Belle says:

Can I get some help tweaking this FM?
I’m not going to say this to him, this is for practice for me.

Now that the defensiveness is fading…what am I defending?

Conversation with self:

I feel triggered hearing you say that. My pulse is racing and I feel angry. I’m feeling used and abused. I feel like I’m being mistreated and taken for granted. I feel like I’m a dirty little secret.
I don’t want to feel this way. I want to feel like you are proud of me. I want to feel like what you see in me and what you feel for me is worth changing your life for (oooooh, it was SO hard to admit this). I want to feel like I’m worth stepping up for. I want to feel like you know there is something good to be had here. I want you to trust your dreams (okay, seriously, the man has had EPIC dreams of me as long as he has known me, he has been living out entire lifetimes with me in his dreams…I’ve worked with dreams for a long time and have never met a dreamer like this guy and he never dreamed like this before he met me).
I feel stupid. I feel sad. I feel angry. I feel powerless. I feel tired.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 6:49am
509: ruth says:

505 Belle

That feel totally authentic to me

Does it need tweaking?

BW-*grin* at “fun”

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 6:53am
510: Tam says:

503 Heart, keep an open mind, you might just be surprised positively. Let him stew a little….

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 6:58am
511: forest siren says:

Belle that feels amazing to read! I’m copying it for myself!

Ruth I love your self deprecating humor. I find it gentle. Once we are not too hard on ourselves I think it’s ok. And yes I think it’s so true they don’t always notice things like that.

Hert sorry I missed what you said to cuddly grinch that he didn’t reply to?

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 6:59am
512: Tam says:

Ruth, do you think running is bad for hair/skin?
Hm. Not sure.
I did notice my hair falling out in clumps a few months ago, but it was the most stressful time of my life….I never made the connection to running.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 6:59am
513: Heart says:

Belle – he is Married and he has a girlfriend…
Do you really expect us to believe he loves you? That somehow you are “special” to him…
Really?

I feel angry and triggered by your post.
I think you should not send anything to him.
I think you should spend time sinking into your emotions and communicating with Yourself.

Right now you seem to be in – Make him get how much he is hurting me mode.
Leave that place and go into – Get how much I am hurting myself mode.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 6:59am
514: ruth says:

Tam, yes it is for me
I have a skin condition called rosacea which is exacerbated by sunlight/anything that causes flushing
all sun block sweats off sadly

Pre running I had peachy creamy skin
Now its red and coarse and flaky and sensitive

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 7:04am
515: ruth says:

Oops sorry Tam, I am sure your hair loss was stress andnot running

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 7:04am
516: Calypso says:

Good Morning, Sirens!

I had such a lovely weekend! My sister came for an overnight visit. It was the first time she had been in my home – the one I made for myself and my sons after my divorce. She kept commenting on how happy and peaceful it was – yea

I spent all day eysterday with JC. I am still surprised every time I see him – Surprised that he does not look like “My Type” and surprised by how much I really like him.

Reading this post from Rori made me think of GM and how much I WANT him and how much he is really not the right guy for me . . . I talked to my sister a lot about him and about JC – we wonder if I will be able to get out of my own way and have a good relationship. I tend to seek out more difficult situations – GM is about as difficult as they get! I become uncomfortible when things are easy . . . as if I don’t trust that it’s real.

I wonder if I can heal this in myself or if JC can help me do it?

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 7:05am
517: ruth says:

508, Forest Siren thank you
I am trying to be gentle with myself today
Feeling rather fragile and vulnerable

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 7:06am
518: Tam says:

512…well Ruth, I have rosacea too – what a coincidence!! But I’ve always had it also pre-running.
I have used all sorts of creams – nothing ever worked as part of my skin is oily and prone to spots in other places..
funnily enough, living in Fl has helped with the rosacea, no idea why, maybe because it is never cold and the air is very humid – I had almost no symptoms, despite all the sun exposure. In fact I almost look like a different person when you compare pics…hmm…

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 7:09am
519: Emerson says:

487 belle
Maybe a feeling message and keep it short – I feel uncomfortable spending time talking to a man who is married/ has a girlfriend/ is in a relationship …. And then silence.
I used this on a guy who was asking me out and flirting with me a lot and I found out he was married. I immediately used this fm and it was hard but I was so proud of myself and his reaction was so surprising. He really respected me for it and left me alone after that …

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 7:10am
520: Belle says:

Heart
510
Maybe you missed this part of the post?

“I’m not going to say this to him, this is for practice for me.

Now that the defensiveness is fading…what am I defending?

Conversation with self:”

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 7:10am
521: Heart says:

Belle..oh well then it’s Perfect…(sorry bout that )

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 7:12am
522: Emerson says:

Senara thank you for your comments to me.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 7:13am
523: ruth says:

515 Tam
I feel I have a different skin too

It has really knocked my self confidence

I never needed makeup-well, I dont where it now as I havent a clue about it, but I hate being this red, sigh

I am periodically on antibiotics to help with the spots

Its ironic-I had this lvoely skin while i was fat and then I lost loads of weight and have skin that makes me feel as though I want to go out with a paper bag on my head some days

Oh dear, I am feeling sorry fr myself today

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 7:13am
524: ruth says:

I cannot believe my typos today!

Lovely
wear

for

Grrrrrrrrrr

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 7:15am
525: Emerson says:

Facebook is so triggering to me

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 7:17am
526: Tam says:

521 (((((Ruth))))) aw. I have the same skin problem, so I can really identify. Also no clue with make-up.
Some people will even say to me ‘oh, you have a red face, are you ok?’ – very annoying.
To be honest, I’d have to use pretty heavy make up to get rid of it and that would exacerbate the spots so I just leave it. Have you tried Avene stuff for rosacea? They have a cream that has a slight green tint…to counteract the red. I get spots from it so can’t use.

I do think skin changes with age also, so running may not have caused it maybe hormonal changes? I notice that I get really red just before I have my period when everything else is out of kilter too.

Talking of which…I guess the last two days of anxiousness were a little hormonal, feeling better now – anxiousness gone, more bland now. Bored even. Hm.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 7:18am
527: ruth says:

its supposed to get us fair types between 40 and 60

allegedly

I got lots of comments post marathon on Sunday.I was like a Belisha beacon(still am actually)
but I think I got sunburnt too

I had Finacea(azelaic acid) Will look into avene

am seriously thinking of saving up for laser

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 7:20am
528: Emerson says:

(((Ruth)))

Maybe you have a food allergy ??

I feel tired today and I feel a lil bit of shame for not staying in shape. I worked so hard to get fit and the past year have been focused on job and housing needs and kind of lost track of myself…

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 7:21am
529: ruth says:

Just had a thought Tam
I wonder if that mineral makeup would be any good

Never tried it though

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 7:21am
530: ruth says:

525 Emerson

hm well alcohol and spicy food do not sit well with Rosacea

this is true

You know the fitness will come backquicker as you have done it before

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 7:23am
531: Tam says:

Ladies, the thing I don’t get…I have men falling over me on the internet right now, the ones I intend on dating in Fl when I get there.
But always those I am least interested in make most effort. It’s so frustrating. All the lovely single daddies (I so so take my hat off), but really truly and perhaps cruelly speaking – I do not really want to take someone elses children on board. I want to travel and have fun with my partner and when it comes to it maybe I would like a child of my own….but I just had first hand experience with always seeing the ex-wife’s face in the kids faces…and all the drama with a fresh divorce and it’s just too much for me.
I feel bad saying that, but it’s just not for me.

So I have almost only Daddies contact me. And they are lovely, but still. And then a lot of guys who don’t stimulate me intellectually, I can already tell – and that is the one big thing for me. I am not mad for looks but I need stimulating conversation, it is a life line for me….and also, I know how it is when the other person is sitting in front of silly TV-shows all day and I want to do something meaningful and interesting, preferably outdoors. I can’t do that again.
Hrmpf.
I know, I can make lots of compromises and have had boyfriends that watched a lot of sports and had different interests to mine..but fundamentally in other ways we were similar, such as education and values and interests.
I feel a bit hopeless, and I know it’s because MrP and I enjoy so many of the same things…and I just haven’t had that with another guy for a decade, but I don’t want to think like that!!
I want to give everybody a fair chance.
Urgh

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 7:26am
532: Radlove says:

Tam,

423 – Thanks!

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 7:27am
533: Tam says:

527 Ruth, yea, I did try the mineral make up but found it doesn’t cover all that well. It felt super nice on the skin though.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 7:28am
534: Radlove says:

Rebecca,

378 – “Well done! You spoke your truth!

Now can you leave him alone? For a bit at least?”

Thanks! I will try. I texted him some after what I posted, but I got said what I wanted to say, and I feel good about it, as good as I can feel in this situation.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 7:28am
535: ruth says:

528
Tam, it feels good to me that you have a clear idea of your boundaries and what you wish from a relationship

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 7:30am
536: Radlove says:

Tam,

528 – I am with you on having intellectual stimulation. I feel open to dating a man with children, but I admit it made it really easy with R since neither of us has children.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 7:31am
537: Radlove says:

Belle,

487 – It’s entirely feminine to express rage.

Also, Rori says if we don’t intend to have any further contact with a man, it doesn’t really matter what we say or how we say it.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 7:36am
538: Tam says:

533, thank you Ruth, I feel validated by your comment….I am beating myself up about the ‘no baby daddy’ thing because it cuts out a lot of good guys, but I just can’t see myself doing that again…once bitten twice shy.
I like kids but I am not totally mad about them, hence I do not have my own (yet?!). Bringing up someone elses therefore just seems a little crazy, hm.

And the intelligence, well I was spoilt. I had amazing bf’s all very intelligent, one wrote for National Geogr., one was an Oxford scholar, one a company director, MrP is also very intelligent and very practical too…so it’s like the bar is very high. I don’t need a genius, but I do like a good exchange…I also had an electrician so not that ya’all think I am a snob. But he was a very clever electrician who wrote poetry and was into philosophy like me

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 7:41am
539: ruth says:

535 Tam

As I see it from Roris writings, we *should* be setting the bar high

Does not mean we cant have fun along the way though

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 7:45am
540: Tam says:

Hi Radlove….mind you, you seem to have a caring personality, what with all your pets and thinking of caring for your mother..I think you’d do well dating a man with children probably.
Me, meh, all too much hassle, I love my freedom….it was very restrictive, also with the dating, one whole week and weekend was practically out.
I was a kiddy widow every other week, unless I stayed at the house and was kept awake until after midnight every day of the week – no rules…and I just couldn’t do that whilst working full time.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 7:48am
541: Tam says:

537, yes Ruth, but as I understand it Rori places more emphasis on how we feel around a man.
Hm, but I just don’t feel good around a man who doesn’t have any interest in current affairs or anything else other than TV shows…basically.
Haha. So yes.
Having fun along the way, weeding out the chaff…sometimes it’s wearing a bit.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 7:50am
542: Femininewoman says:

Butterfly Wings you go girl.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 7:59am
543: Emerson says:

Hi calypso

Hi Lizka I feel curious about what is going on withATW

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 8:02am
544: BAB says:

I have a question about the four rules of respecting the masculine partner.

When “not” trying to control the outcome, does that apply to the situation where i would normally asking, “what we are doing today” or “when we are doing it”
Or “when do you think you will be back” types of questions??

Also are those types of questions considered “innocent questions?! (rule #3)

I hope these aren’t obvious questions, im just trying to make sure i am doing the rules correctly.

Thank you to anyone who has some input!! BAB

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 8:04am
545: MissStix says:

Ugh Sirens!!! I can’t keep up anymore!

Lately I am feeling an ever so gentle tug away from the blog. Most of my feeling writing is going into my journal. Which is absolutely fine…It feels hush and secret which is fun! I was starting to think I liked the compliments on here a little too much anyways Working on living a life in which I don’t need affirmations from anyone but me.

G and I bickered this morning. It was just too damn early for me to breathe and let his attitude go. Which is totally fine! I actually felt powerful to face up to him and say “No. Enough!” I was not afraid of his anger over me standing up to him. I felt like a lioness…Feminine and beautiful within my power. A little raw. I did not cry! That’s new.

I am going home tonite. Pfft I still can’t believe he thought I was pressuring him to come over! The truth is I was just teasing. I did not want him to come over. Even if he can help with my yardwork. I want to be away from him for the night. I had a fantastic weekend, but we’ve spent a lot of time together and I need some space. If he came to help with yardwork he’d sleep over and i’d get no space. I was teasing you G! Gawd. Did he think my way of “luring” or “pressuring” was suggesting he sweat his a$$ off mowing my lawn after he gets off work?

Good lawrd men are frustrating sometimes.

I wonder what he thought of MY attitude. *giggles* I kind of like this new feeling. Back straight, chest out, proud girl won’t quiver. “Why don’t you tell him what you really think missstix?” hehe

I like this. I no longer give a rats booty if what I say comes out right, or wrong. FM or not. I will from this day forward speak my truth regardless of how it comes out. I will stand up for myself. These are no longer baby steps. These are leaps and bounds and taking flight! Because I am worthy of stress free speaking. I am worth being heard. He loves me, and wants me in his life he can hear me.

Wow. Ok so this morning turns out to be a breakthrough Interesting. It felt way to good to speak up without fear!

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 8:05am
546: Emerson says:

I just defeats this post and know letting go is hard because I still have to remind myslels to let go of recycled.
I’m reading the power of now and just started it…. Feels a little wordy and intellectual compares to roris writing but I’m trying to grasp it…

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 8:05am
547: Tam says:

Miss Stix, you sound so powerful!

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 8:08am
548: MissStix says:

BAB

Interesting question!

I would say go ahead and ask about time! We need to know when to be ready.

However, if you are wondering about when a date will end I would not ask. I would state simply my boundary “I need to be home by x”. The “letting go” of control would be in trusting he will get you home on time without having to ask again or nag.

The “innocent” questions are usually questions with an ulterior motive. As in…”What did you do today” when you’re really asking “where were you all day, who were you with, and why didn’t you ask me to see you?”.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 8:11am
549: Calypso says:

Hi Emerson

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 8:12am
550: MissStix says:

A better option for “what did you do today?” is “How was your day?”

Hope this helps!

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 8:13am
551: Belle says:

Radlove
534 – thanks for that.
I will be in contact with him again because we work together. I feel scared of flip-flopping again. I feel scared of myself and how I feel like I have 2 sides to me that are becoming ever closer but still it’s just messed up.

I feel scared of myself and terrified of being triggered in relationship. I’ve acted violently when triggered and feel terrified of ‘going there’ again and maybe hurting someone and as sick as the whole thing may look, it feels safe to me, there are hard boundaries, there are certain things that will not happen at work, and we don’t interact outside of work, don’t have each other’s contact information.

It drives me nuts that what I want most in this life …big feelings of LOVE …is what triggers the violence, it’s like my wiring got all messed up.

I cried through typing most of that.
I feel raw.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 8:18am
552: Dominique says:

Siren Angel – 313 – If I remember correctly you are in your early to mid forties? If I’m wrong I deeply apologize. You are likely in peri-menopause which means there are a lot of changes happening in your body. They can feel unpredictable. They can be inconsistent.

It may take some experimentation to find what works for you, and this too may not be consistent and need changing up now and then.

For all ages I love red clover infusion. It’s a wonderful female hormone nourisher. I mentioned this to Ruth above. I love Mountain Rose Herbs, the same company Daria likes as well. I’ve been ordering from them for many years. It’s a woman owned company. Everything is high quality and organic.

The blossoms have the highest nutrient value, but the leaves are good too. Since the blossoms are kind of expensive, I buy a smaller bag along with a larger bag of leaves, and I mix them in a 2 to one proportion.

Pour one quart of boiling water over a good sized handful of herb. I use a French Press. It’s the easiest way to do it. Let steep for eight hours or more at room temperature. If you use a press, press, and refrigerate. Drink it all within three days, at two cups a day. Otherwise drain and strain, and the rest is the same.

Black cohosh is a good herb to try. I like the tincture though you can buy the herb in bulk from the same distributor. It does have a strong taste and will make your smoothie taste nasty. You would need around 1 TB.

Other things to try though do so one at a time, and give it a good six weeks- Dong quai in tincture though take with ginseng (capsules). Chasteberry/Vitex in tincture. False Unicorn in tincture.

You can add any tinctures to your smoothies.

Again motherwort though subtle, can be powerful. It may not be enough alone though worth a try. It’s the only one which is okay to take with any of the other choices.

For anyone under forty, evening primrose oil is my number one go to choice. Capsules.

If you have any other questions, please feel free. E-mail if you want privacy.

xxoo

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 8:18am
553: MissStix says:

Tam

Thank you! That means a lot to me.

I actually really feel it deep down! Finally. It feels like such progress. This blog and all sirens and Rori have been really essential.

So thanks to all

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 8:23am
554: bloom-ing says:

((((radlove))))

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 8:25am
555: BAB says:

Thank you MissStix!
That does help clear it up a bit. I have a real problem with asking those questions too much, so lately i haven’t been asking at all, so i was wondering..
We live together so i more ask them to make sure they get done and that we will be on time. (so forth)
I wasn’t sure if i should step back in this area and let him worry about this more? I don’t want to undermine his authority or decision making, but its hard to know how much input i should give or have in these situations.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 8:31am
556: Rebecca says:

Radlove

Just keep thinking how sexy and powerful you are and you don’t need someone like him to make you miserable and bring you down…

hugs

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 8:40am
557: MissStix says:

Hey BAB

I don’t live with my man but I do spend 90% of my time at his place.

It makes a BIG difference in how we relate to the man for sure! This stuff will become intuitive to you as long as you stick to it, and practice.

So I re-read you Q with your living together in mind.

Some positive options:

If you have no plans but want to make plans:

“I feel so energetic! I want to do something. Any ideas?”

When my man is lazy and doesn’t want to go out my fall back answer is:

“Ok, but I really feel a need to get out! I think I will go by myself. Do you mind?”

If you have plans but the time isn’t set and they aren’t firm:

“What time were you thinking for heading out?”

My man is a bit wishy washy on times so I often get this response:
“I dunno…What do you think?”

so I say “hmmm x seems like a good time. Does that work for you?”

It’s a lot of handing him the ball. Even when he hands it to me I hand it right back. It’s fun to come up with creative ways to do it!

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 8:42am
558: Rebecca says:

45: Belle says:

Rebecca
re: mistakes revisited

A few years ago I worked a day with a radiant, happy, gorgeous woman.
I watched her write something down…she realized she had made a mistake, laughed as she noticed and erased it. She re-wrote it, made the SAME mistake AGAIN, and laughed even harder. Erased and re-wrote it. She made the SAME EXACT mistake a THIRD time, and it made her giggle and laugh so hard and she kept bouncing her head, giggling, saying, “oh that is so funny! that is SO funny!”

I drank all of this in…what??? I compared her reaction to mine, I would have been beating the snot out of myself the second time, and given up on the third. What manner of insanity was this, laughing harder with each mistake? WHATTTT????
So I made up a story about her that she had never been beaten up or punished for making a mistake and that’s how she turned out this way. Which made me wonder how I could feel if I practiced feeling better with each consecutive mistake and finding it more amusing?

I’ve been practicing it ever since. I don’t think I’ve made any few mistakes, but I certainly haven’t made more and wow I sure do feel a lot better. It feels SO good to feel the laughter bubbling up from my gut when I notice, “Oh, Belle, you dork, you did it again!” instead of mean, furrowing brow, anger, shame and contracting, “Oh, Belle, you horrible dumb blah blah blah, you did it again!”

Things can just be funnier and funnier and funnier, just because we decide it’s so, for no reason at all.
It’s working for me, that’s of who

…………

Sorry for late reply – I’ve only just seen this.. and very timely too.. I am in beating myself up over past mistakes mode.. not good…

I shall read, and re-read this post..

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 8:44am
559: BAB says:

Thank you thank you thank you!!
I had the biggest smile on my face reading your response, a light bulb went off and i feel super excited right now:) that is, now that i have a better idea of how to answer and handle those return questions he always gives me haha Thank you so much!

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 8:47am
560: turquoise says:

Hi Sirens,

I feel pretty sad. I leaned forward last night and sent Mr. Conversation this really really long text about how I’m here for him, feel sad for all he’s been through, and that I’m not going anywhere. I told him how happy our friendship has made me and pointed out some things trhat have meant a lot to me.

He replied back, that all he could say right now was thank for you for everything!

Today I got….

I don’t want to hang out anymore until I’m “over” h. I feel like you’re constantly judging me and I hate feeling like that.

All I could think to send back about 20 min. later was,

Ouch. Ok.

I feel awful. I have tried to understand how he’s feeling and be supportive, but I don’t agree with all that he says and does. Fudge. Guess I should have just listened and not given any advice. I feel hurt and stupid for believing we would always be friends.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 8:50am
561: Femininewoman says:

Tam regarding the conversation stimulatiom, you might be surprised when you meet in person. Many men hate writing as well as talking on the phone.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 8:51am
562: Femininewoman says:

Turquoise it is not about you. He is judging himself and can’t see himself more than as a failure right now. He might be receiving your support as you seing him as a super human and he can’t believe that. The key now is to keep your spirits high so when he comes back he can feel it.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 8:54am
563: Tam says:

Aw Fw, thanks for giving me hope for my CD’s

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 8:58am
564: MissStix says:

(((turquoise)))

Ouch indeed! We try to be supportive and kind and it bites us right in the backside.

This is not your fault. Men are just strange creatures who view support as neediness and mothering.

Honestly…I like your “ouch, ok”. Don’t take any responsibility for his negative feelings.

(((turquoise)))

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 8:59am
565: MissStix says:

FW 562

Amen.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 9:01am
566: Radlove says:

Rebecca,

556 – Ok, I will. I just don’t get it why he can be so incredibly sweet and easy to get along with sometimes and other times he goes back as if we never had all this growth and healing in our relationship.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 9:02am
567: Turquoise says:

Thanks FW. He does say that a lot, and when he got emotional yesterday it was about being 35, a failure, and too old to be great. Even his hair is thinning, which is really bothering him. I think it’s all this stress. Uhhghhhgghghgh. I guess the big problem is I keep trying to make him feel better, and while I might be a nice distraction sometimes, he really does feel awful. It’s hard not to take this personally. And I will miss him. It’s going to be a long time until he’s over her.

I have my date with tux tonight. Hope I can cheer up for that.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 9:02am
568: MissStix says:

BAB

Another key is to love your stress over this. Love it up because it’s ok to feel stressed and want to do things right.

“awww stress. I love you. We want to learn and grow and it’s hard. We can do this and it will be fun, and challenging! We will be spectacular and feminine and powerful!”

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 9:06am
569: Belle says:

Heart
521
I lol’d when I read your post

I feel like I’m getting into really deep stuff here.
Getting in touch with the part of me that feels unlovable, untouchable.
My conversation with myself a few minutes ago is going along the lines of…

“I’m so sorry, I know I feel violent urges, I know I’ve been violent in the past. I’m sorry, I don’t know why, I don’t know why I do these things and I really really really need you to love me anyway, no matter what. I don’t understand why a gazillion other babies were adopted and have abandonment trauma and were abused and somehow didn’t end up acting out violently…I don’t know why I ended up the way I am but please I need you to still love me anyway.”
Tears and tears and crying in the bathroom.

It cracks me up how perfect life can be, that I have a job that requires so little of me and nobody notices my regular meltdowns.

I’ve done tons of therapy and know a dozen healing modalities, I won’t get on meds (though I’m checking out FW’s tea suggestions because I am nearly 42) because my dreams and inner guidance show me that I can heal myself, that meds would only put me back on the path of what hasn’t been working and make me numb to the pain of it.

So.
Here I sit.
Feeling Raw.
Feeling breath
Feeling Alive.

Peeking at Sufi teachings.
My right ear is aching, what do I need to hear right now??

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 9:06am
570: Rebecca says:

Radlove

Is he really being sweet to you? Could it be that he is trying to let you down gently and not be the bad guy?

To me he doesn’t seem interested if you are upset. He never gives you a hug or a kiss, or wipes away your tears. He doesn’t suggest taking you out to cheer you up. I don’t see any of that – so I wonder what sort of friend he is??

I don’t see him as easy to get on with. Easy to get on with would mean you didn’t feel all stressed out and depressed every time you told him your true feelings.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 9:09am
571: Femininewoman says:

Turquoise remember LilyBelly and T? He was not over his ex and brought that up when it came down to it. It is my belief that when men bring up their exs and show any signs of bewailment of their previous relationship they still need time to get over it. Another reason why I am total convert to the idea of cdating.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 9:12am
572: Belle says:

Radlove
566

“Ok, I will. I just don’t get it why he can be so incredibly sweet and easy to get along with sometimes and other times he goes back as if we never had all this growth and healing in our relationship.”

Could it be because he is mentally ill?

I feel a resonance and I’m wondering if your parents, or at least one of them was hot and cold, too? And if maybe you think if you learn all the right tricks and act just right he will quit this back and forth stuff and you will finally win his love?

(((for us both)))
Tender raw day

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 9:14am
573: Femininewoman says:

BTW Turquoise “ouch, ok” was absolutely perfect. Practice moving away from explaining and sit with the unpleasantness for a while.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 9:14am
574: Daria says:

Memulo – I would cry. And make sure I’m talking gently to myself while doing so, reassuring myself that I’ll be there with me the whole time while I’m feeling these scary feelings .

And I would keep drinking water to not get dehydrated which makes me emotions get ‘stuck’

It feels so healing to me, one of the most healing tools I’ve learned.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 9:26am
575: Turquoise says:

Thanks FW and Miss Stix. I actually feel mad at him now. As if it’s just up to him to decide he doesn’t want to see me now, yet he will later and I’ll be here waiting. Fu men who hurt me!

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 9:27am
576: Daria says:

Senara your voice feels soothing

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 9:29am
577: Tam says:

Rebecca and Radlove, I must say that I also do not feel any caring or anything in R’s words, to me he sounds bored and like he doesn’t want to know about your feelings, like it is disturbing for him.
I was believing that you, Radlove, are referring to other conversations the two of you are having in person/text/email…because what you show us does not look to me like you see him. That was my assumption, that you have other forms of contact where he does show his caring side.
.
I am sorry if this is harsh again..but much like Rebecca, I can’t see what you see in the exchanges that you show to us on the blog. :/

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 9:30am
578: MissStix says:

(((radlove)))

I remember the soul deep excruciating physical pain I felt when ex-husband said these words to me “I am not in love with you anymore”. Of course, after the initial acute pain receded I questioned and rationalized. “We are best friends! We have great sex! etc etc”. In the end all it brought me was misery because that WAS all TRUE! Therefore, the only calid reason I could see for his loving me, but not being “in love with” me was that there must be something wrong with me! Sometimes I thought there was something wrong with him and I could convince him or change his mind.

Oh sigh. There was nothing wrong with me, and there is nothing wrong with you! There is nothing wrong with him. It just is what it is. As painful as it is, there is no other option but accepting the truth he layed out for you and walking through it. He made it very clear he wants you to move on, and cares very little for how hard it will be for you. There is a strong vibe of mental exhaustion coming through from him.

I don’t even want to suggest this…It goes against what I believe, but it may be the only way for you. Considering your soul deep love for him…You may have to move on as a favour to him. To release him, because you love him.

And you can keep working on you with everyone here’s support.

(((radlove)))

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 9:34am
579: Femininewoman says:

aawww Turquoise. I don’t want to argue but he did not hurt you. Your feelings are your friends. Also relationships are voluntary.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 9:34am
580: Tam says:

miss stix, yep you said it better than me..

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 9:36am
581: Turquoise says:

It hurts when someone says they don’t want to see you. So I’m hurting myself by being in the situation to let it happen?

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 9:41am
582: Laughing goddess says:

Forest Siren: thanks for asking. I’m really feeling it this morning. Whew. Just trying to breathe.

Radlove: I do feel the love and I feel relieved that you feel it too. I felt so sad when I read the exchange you posted last night. I’ve had a similar conversation before and I felt such pain deep in my heart.

For me, I really do believe that the issues around what happened in the past are holding things back now, but I just don’t quite know how to articulate it in a way that is helpful.

I truly wish I knew of some way to protect you from getting hurt. Trying to trust and surrender.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 9:43am
583: Femininewoman says:

Miss Stix I have to admit I feel a bit triggered by “And you can keep working on you with everyone here’s support”. I don’t know that I can trust myself to support RadLove as I have seen comments from other women since 2009 saying similar things that ladies in 2012 are saying. For me I feel open to supporting people who are willing to support themselves. Unfortunately I have come to a point where I don’t see this willingness in RadLove’s comments. Harsh but true, from my eyes. I wish everyone the best but it feels draining to keep going around in what looks like pointless circles. I honor everyone who has the energy to provide the support and I have to exclude myself. I appreciate your concern and your intention but felt compelled to let you know that I prefer to bow out gracefully.

RadLove pardon me for referring to you in the 3rd person.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 9:43am
584: Femininewoman says:

Turquoise give yourself some time to see how you really feel. I have embraced the thought “when my heart breaks it breaks open to hold more love”. Also you have learned some valuable lessons including that you have a heart big enough to give unconditional love both to yourself and to someone else. Many of us don’t yet have that capacity.(((((((((humans).

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 9:46am
585: Belle says:

Turquoise
581

No, I’d say what hurts is withholding love from yourself and the other person, and believing they don’t want to see you is somehow a bad thing or a rejection of you personally.

When there’s no wound there and love can flow, “I don’t want to see you” is met with, “Oh, wonderful, thank you for being honest. How exciting, I wonder what the next moment will bring?”

Theoretically, haha. I’m totally there sometimes, sometimes not.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 9:48am
586: Laughing Goddess says:

Awww, Turquoise. All I can say is keep being fabulous and he will come around or he won’t.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 9:52am
587: MissStix says:

FW

That’s ok! I fully understand your point of view and how you feel. I like to hear such honesty. I realize I have not been around as long as you have…I have not born witness to the viscious cycles. That’s ok too. I fully get how draining it is to try and try with no results. I do feel I have the energy…As long as I feel it I will use it.

And Radlove…I love you, but it is only a matter of time before I go tough love on you. This can’t continue with R. It’s now or never…

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 9:52am
588: Laughing Goddess says:

584 & 585

That too!

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 9:53am
589: Femininewoman says:

Belle – stupendous. Turquoise I know you can’t see it right now but have faith. Things can only get better. Your attitude and vibe has been very good so far. This is just a blip on the radar.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 9:56am
590: Laughing Goddess says:

(((Belle)))

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 9:57am
591: BAB says:

On another topic.
While using my feeling words i was trying to express to my bf that my feelings were hurt by the fact that money seems to be such a big issue between us. Moments after we had just gone out to eat, and i could tell he was mad i didn’t get the bill, (he had mainly been paying for food all weekend)
After saying i feel like there’s tension in the air and im not sure why i feel like i did something wrong?
He said “i was mad because you didnt pay, when i thought you were going to, but he should have asked before hand if i was gonna.”
I told him i was intending to pay, but that i thought he was gonna because, while we were walking in i had thanked him for letting us go someplace i picked, and he replied with “Of course, anything for my Babydoll”( his pet name for me) to which i smiled and said, “your to sweet to me, thank you!”
and that’s why i thought i shouldn’t!
He apologized and said he should have asked first and not assumed i knew. i apologized as well. (For assuming)
However he still seemed pissed, so of course i start to cry because i felt like a jerk. When he noticed i was crying he asked “Are you crying” and got very annoyed and started to shut down. The look on his face was annoyance because i was crying.
I said im sorry i m just feeling hurt because i don’t understand it.
We stopped talking and a while later he said “Im just freaking out over car repair and such and such” and i just don’t wanna have to pay all the time cuz it feels like a lot. And im stressed about it all” I said alright i understand. Im sorry.
But he kept up with his annoyed attitude/angry at me, while we shopped for groceries.
(Oh he had asked if i could pick them up earlier in the convo because he had paid for dinner and lunch and so forth. I said yes, feeling it was fair)
Anyways as we shopped, i was trying to be calm and not get angry. So i was pleasant and just held my hands together in front of me while we walked and always tried to take a step back physically, when we were standing together. I wasn’t angry, i was just hurt.
After a few mins of pleasant convo, he burst out ” Why are you acting weird? I looked at him but didn’t answer, feeling the tears coming. ” he said i mean even the way you are standing and your and countenance! ” I got misty and replied ” Im just trying to be open to you, im not trying to be weird, i just hate how it feels when we argue.”
And then he said he was sorry and pulled me in for a hug and a few kisses..
After that we went back to normal as if it didnt happen!
A few hrs later that night he sat down with me outside, after asking me to come out with him and told me why again he was upset and again that he was sorry he took it out on me..

Was this handled correctly on my part? or was i blaming of him? or too apologetic?

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 9:58am
592: Laughing Goddess says:

Belle: I’ve been really into taking my vitamins lately and I’m noticing how much they stabilize my mood. Not sure if this is relevant for you, but I felt inspired to mention it.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 10:00am
593: MissStix says:

I choose to believe my words have meaning to you Radlove. I believe you are not beyond helping yourself. I believe you can find this strength. I believe it is within you.

If you do not want support, you tell me straight up. Right now. Because until I hear “I don’t want your support” I will be on you like white on rice.

I will drain every last drop of my own dam energy to show you the way.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 10:00am
594: Radlove says:

Rebecca,

570 – “Is he really being sweet to you? Could it be that he is trying to let you down gently and not be the bad guy?”

No, because if that was the case, in the MANY times he has ended our friendship, he would have LEFT it ended when I said good bye and I wish you well. One of those many times, he started texting me and wanted to get together just 20 minutes after I let it be final.

It feels more like I’m being manipulated, or trying to be. I may be missing the mark here, but the message I am getting is that we are not going to get along well right now unless you agree that I did nothing to cause this perceived non proposal. In my heart of hearts, I know that I know that I know that it’s a blatant lie.

He did similar things in the months leading up to the perceived non proposal, leading me on, then letting me down, each time denying that it was intentional.

I don’t just “imagine” a man is about to propose to me. I have never felt that before in my life. I am not stupid. I am a good people reader. So many things with R are INSINUATED. Insinuation is his middle name. It’s hard to fully describe because he is like no one I ever met.

You said, “To me he doesn’t seem interested if you are upset. He never gives you a hug or a kiss, or wipes away your tears. He doesn’t suggest taking you out to cheer you up. I don’t see any of that – so I wonder what sort of friend he is??”

Yeah, that is largely true. In recent months, he blew me away when twice he asked, “How can I make you feel good?” He also said stuff like it isn’t fair to me to text only. He said he wanted to spend more time with me.

You said, “I don’t see him as easy to get on with. Easy to get on with would mean you didn’t feel all stressed out and depressed every time you told him your true feelings.”

True. I am doing my best to get my mind off him, but not feeling very successful. I feel powerfully tempted to text him. Ugh.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 10:02am
595: Turquoise says:

All good points. Thank you for the perspective. I’m too close to this today. Will make sense tomorrow. I know he doesn’t want to hurt me. Maybe he thinks this does. And sometimes it does sting a little. He says he doesn’t love her, but wants revenge, to make her feel as bad. I did tell him yesterday how stressed I feel to be around him when he’s like that.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 10:03am
596: Femininewoman says:

BAB. Rori encourages us to find a way to express I feel hurt differently. Those words are a bit confusing.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 10:03am
597: Tam says:

I know this sounds total cliche, but I am somewhat reflecting on Radlove’s situation and what Miss Stix said and the issue I am struggling with….and I have to say that when you see another person struggle with themselves, through mental issues or financial problems or all of the above..and you claim to love them…then the ‘self’ and ‘what I want’ really does not feature so strongly.
I know that if I ‘was there’ with MrP, and at one point I believed that I was, knowing his struggles and at times depressive state of mind, all I wished for him was to be happy – with me or without – because it was terrible seeing him so sad and angry. And I knew that I would be ok with or without him – and I am and I was!
I wanted him to have someone, and if that wasn’t me, it didn’t really matter because he deserved to be happy.
I confess to not be at this point again right now, it would make me feel pretty bad if he had someone else….hence I could not stay friends really. However, I know that I would like to get to the point where it does not bother me, because I have moved on with my life and my own happiness. Honestly speaking, I strongly suspect that he is not featuring as a relationship in my future, I have given up on that really – ironically it made him come back to me but it is still far far off. So yes, I just want him to have a great life as he deserves it.
And I know he feels the same. When I was with my bf, and he met us, I could see it was very tough for him, he looked absolutely crushed, but he did say to me that my bf looks like a good man and he hopes that he takes good care of me and that I will be happy…and really, that meant a lot to me. Nevermind that he then really stepped up….beside the point.

Perhaps R also needs to be set free, yes as a sign of love, like Miss Stix suggested.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 10:05am
598: ruth says:

BAB well you must have done something right cos he opened up and spoke to you

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 10:07am
599: Daria says:

Re self depracation. Not me. I still feel dissapointed and shocked and confused and like I’m lost and alone reading something that I expect to be celebratory and uplifting and then it’s … Not. It’s a dig!

I feel like crying.

I feel sad for my little girl who’s so in shock when this happens

I guess this is emotional abuse.

I will not treat my lil girl this way.

It feels traumatizing. M

((((( my lil girl ))))

You are safe with me. I am a safe place.

I will take care of the punch in your tummy and the knot in your solar plexus.

You are safe

Im here for you while you feel these feelings.

Mistrust yes.

It’s cruel is a judgement.

Feels so awful in that way you have no words for I hear you.

My baby.

We’re safe even if that happens ok?

Everyone is healing

So scared I know baby. It’s ok to cry.

I feel angry and powerless.

I can’t handle that icky feeling.

Sigh.

I’m here for u baby.

I’m honna keep on feeling good, and doing what makes me bigger , and happier, do I can have more love and compassion to share w u and w the world.

I won’t abandon u I promise, I’m here w u.

I’m sorry about your hurt tummy.

Would u like a hug?

This is all about me and my baby and not anyone else. At all.

I remember this .

This is healing baby I promise you’re safe w me

It’s ok to feel angry and mistrustful of me.

I’m sorry this happened and you felt this way.

I’m here to hug you if you want

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 10:08am
600: Radlove says:

Belle,

572 – “Could it be because he is mentally ill?”

Yes, definitely. And you are right about my parents being hot and cold, especially my Dad. One minute we would be playing and laughing, and the next, he would be angry about something, anything unpredictable. Thanks for making that connection with me.

So it is not ME who is doing anything wrong. I mean, I am in process, but I am just doing my thing and Wham! I am blindsided and just left spinning.

So the moral of the story is just keep him at arm’s length or not at all, but I don’t see me ending it completely, even tho that would probably be healthiest.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 10:09am
601: Tam says:

Radlove….just get on that horse…no closure, no ending, just saddle up and ride into the sunset!

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 10:12am
602: BAB says:

This makes me sad i handled in incorrectly. I still have lots to learn.. Ruth, that’s what i thought. But it feels like if i had done it right, he wouldn’t have been so annoyed and drug it out so long?
I don’t know, back to the drawing board!

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 10:12am
603: MissStix says:

Tam

Yes…I feel that way too. I would like to think that anyone can move through these situations for love for ourselves. Sometimes it DOES take pure, and selfless, greedless love to move through and beyond. To do it for the other person. Though it would no longer be my choice, it is ok. It’s ok to step away to release the person you love. It’s a little bit masculine. But if it’s the only way…So be it.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 10:14am
604: ruth says:

ooooh, Miss Stix
I can feel the power coming off you in waves

I have had another two ratehr abrupt texts coucjed as “feeling messages”
I think he is trying to say he does not like me using them
Lots of negative complainy stuff
I feel yucky, becusde if that is how he perceives me using feeling messages then—–
Oh, I dont know
Time for a walk to get some real food and then a run

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 10:14am
605: Daria says:

This is Hugely helpful triggering to heal for my life. So hidden and painful for me. thanks ladies.

I feel guilty.

I don’t want to pressure anyone to move any faster than they feel comfortable to, and I’m sorry if this triggers that for anyone. I feel worried it does and kinda not good enough Still working on catching early that my triggers are about me, not about the perceived source.

So I know my posts some of the pressure out gets directed at the poster and I feel sad and guilty about that.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 10:16am
606: ruth says:

I have totally lost the ability to type today
Rather
Couched
Abrupt
Now i fel irritated

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 10:16am
607: Radlove says:

Miss Stix,

578 – I guess my underlying belief is that his words are not his truth, but a manipulation. But either way, it is not healthy for me. This past three months were delightful, and they are memories I will cherish all my life. I am going to try once again to walk away from him.

I also believe someday in the future, he will be back in my life, healed. But for now, I will try to just put him on the back of my horse and let him be a memory.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 10:18am
608: ruth says:

602 BAB yeah but you DID sort it eventually
Think of it as a learning experience and dont feel bad

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 10:18am
609: Daria says:

Ruth – Rori says its great when his anger starts coming at us. It means that things are finally healing. She says to facilitate his anger when that happens, without tolerating what we can’t handle.

Dominique can help I’m sure.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 10:18am
610: ruth says:

605 Daria

You are so in touch with your feelings and expresing them that you are light years ahead of me on all this
Sometimesd i feel confused and scared reading your stuff but thank you for saying that

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 10:20am
611: Radlove says:

LG and Tam,

Thanks for your support!

One thing I know on a friendship level: R is emotionally dependent on me, and he seeks me out when he is being attacked by the schizophrenia.

I feel sure that he will contact me, probably within the next month. What would you suggest saying? How does this sound?

“R, I feel concerned for you, and I suggest you talk with (a counselor we both know). For now, it is healthier for me to be away from you. I wish you well and I’m praying for you.”

then if he contacts me again, just don’t respond at all? I can say that and see it as healthy, but I know me. I feel concerned that when he gets around to contacting me again, I won’t have the strength to say no. How do I combat that?

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 10:22am
612: ruth says:

609 Daria

Im not sure it is healthy anger it seems to be a way of telling me he doesnt like feeling messages
So it feels as though he is using them to make me feel unhappy and uncomfy, maybe thats how he feels when i use them
it has not led to any constructive dialogue
each message has been folllowed by a long silence

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 10:23am
613: ruth says:

Also, its making me not want to interact with him at all
I feel really turned off

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 10:24am
614: MissStix says:

Radlove

Yes. Absolutely right! Either way…

Truth looks like:

He has given up and to continue to contact him would be harassment.

Manipulation looks like:

He is using you as a means to bolster himself. To prove that he can control, and bend and manipulate a woman without giving her any of the support, affection, attention, comittment, or affirmation she needs.

Not a pretty, or healthy story no matter how you look at it. You are bang on. I feel strength in knowing you see this, actually, very clearly.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 10:25am
615: ruth says:

Wishing you strength radlove

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 10:27am
616: Radlove says:

FW,

583 – I don’t expect everyone to support me, and I have felt blocked out by you for some time. I am ok with that.

I know in my heart that I am growing, and even tho my process is bloody and slow, I am still growing, and feeling nurtured here on the blog.

It may look to you like I’m not growing, but I know I am. And I agree with Rori about honoring another person’s journey and the pace at which they need to go. You are welcome to just ignore my posts.

Maybe if you had had the extreme social and emotional lacks that I did in childhood, you would see me as a giant. Maybe it’s a miracle in itself at age 48 that I connect with the world of people at all.

After feeling like a dead rat curled up in a tomb for the first 25 years of my life, I think I’m doing pretty da/mn good.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 10:28am
617: Calypso says:

So – I am at the start of a new relationship with JC. We have only been dating for 2 weeks now, but we see each other a lot, have slept together more than once and he keeps telling me I’m his, I can’t share my kisses with anyone else, etc. He says this in a playful way and I always find a playful way to reply or not reply. Tryth is, I’m willing to see where this goes and not really interested in dating anyone else new right now while i let our feelings build. I will continue to CD the old way, with every man I come in contact with – just not going to accept new dates from POF guys right now, but I’m not promising myself to JC either.

So, how to I handle things like him trying to get me to take the lead in making plans or calling or texting him? I just want to lean back and let him contact me when he wants to, but he is trying to get me to be more aggressive . . .

I keep thinking, “I need to text him to let him know I’m thinking about him”, but I don’t want to do that. I am thinking of him, but I don’t want to take the lead, i don’t want him to take our relationship for granted. I’m still afraid i will end up hurting him because of GM. I don’t want to mess this one up – I want to practice the things I have learned.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 10:28am
618: MissStix says:

Radlove

I suggest to think about the contact when that time comes. It is good to have a little script handy to support yourself. But when he does make contact allow yourself to sit in it and act according to what he says at the time. You can even show us what he says for feedback before you respond (not after). I sense sirens get frustrated because you’ve already said and done and they feel like their feedback is useless.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 10:30am
619: Smile says:

I Am The Yummy Pie

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 10:30am
620: Femininewoman says:

I feel happy for you RadLove

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 10:34am
621: MissStix says:

Ruth

Apologies if you’ve already posted them, (having a helluva time keeping up lately) but i’d like to see a sample of his FM’s and yours as well.

It is possible that he is mirroring to show you he doesn’t like your FM’s. If this is true your FM’s may need tweaking.

It is also possible he LIKES you FM’s. Realizes it is a nice way of sharing without harming, and is trying them on for size.In this case your reception of his own FM’s may need tweaking IE: don’t take then personally and don’t respond unless it is a simple smile or a “thanks for sharing.” or “I hear ya.”. You aren’t responsible for his feelings. Receiving them without feeling “icky” takes practice, and patience and some introspection.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 10:37am
622: Radlove says:

(((Miss Stix)))

593 – Awww, thank you! That feels like a giant heart hug! I appreciate and welcome your support. I need you ladies. You are my friends. We may not have met, but the friendships are real, and I value each of you, even you, Feminine Woman. Each of us has infinite value.

I have been heavily emotionally dependent on K since 2000. He encouraged it, and later, I realized he was WANTING me to be dependent on him so he could control my life. He still tries to control it, but I have taken strong stands and broken much of that codependency. He still tries my boundaries now and then.

I used to drive three hours each way to visit K in the prison every Saturday, and I did that almost without fail for about 7 years straight. I felt worn out with all the driving and time, and I hated the drive after a while. But we would sit arm in arm, and I would cuddle with him, and it was a big part of my emotional world.

When gas got so expensive, I could no longer afford it, and then he had an incident and can not have contact visits anymore. I have seen him twice in the last year, and I am ok with that, but still, it was a small amount of emotional support that is gone. Talking to him on the phone for 15 minutes when we can afford it helps, but again, I don’t fully trust him. I don’t want to reconnect with him deeply again.

So that is part of why it is hard to not lean on R emotionally. And it is why this blog helps, because it is a place for me to go that feels good and loving.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 10:37am
623: Daria says:

It feels so gentle to see everyone experimenting and feeling and healing so beautifully

((((Siren Island))))

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 10:39am
624: Tam says:

611 – Radlove, yes, that would be a good idea.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 10:41am
625: Radlove says:

Tam,

597 – Interesting thoughts. I set R free repeatedly, as I said. Each time, HE came back. I think he is emotionally dependent on me, even tho he would never admit it.

I love him, but I love me, too. I need to do what’s best for me. And until he gets free from schizophrenia, that means staying away from him.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 10:41am
626: Rebecca says:

Radlove

I think he is scared that you are angry with him, and he wants to make sure that you don’t see him as the bad guy.

You are a wonderful bubbly, exciting, vibrant person who is always brimming over with enthusiasm yet he responds like a wet fish. He just seems to give very sharp curt replies and his questions come across as cold.

It’s like you are always having to pick him up and make him feel good about himself. Why aren’t you with someone who makes you feel good about yourself??

As far as I can see you are constantly treading on egg shells with him. I’m not sure why you want to be in that situation.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 10:41am
627: ruth says:

Miss Stix, i havent posted them(Im feeling too shy about that just now)
But i think your interpretation is spot on

he is very good at mirroring in general.he will do it with my language in a loving way sometimes
It just feels icky to me that feeling mesages can go “wrong” and make people feel bad

This might be the inauthentic ones though

I am not very good at this still

Right now im not saying anything other than neutral, i feel too scared to do anything else

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 10:42am
628: Daria says:

I’m afraid no man will want the lifestyle I want.

I see many women on earth thru my Internet crystal who are creating something similar, but none w all the elements I desire.

I feel excited to be unique

I feel a hardening that I will do it alone

I want to shift from believing this.

I want men to show up who want to suport me for life.

I feel scared to request that. Fear is gone.

I feel powerful.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 10:42am
629: Radlove says:

Tam,

601 – Sounds good! Yee-haw!

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 10:43am
630: ruth says:

625 radlove, oh ouch!

Sometimes you know people never “get free” of schizophrenia.I feel sure you know this already

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 10:43am
631: Femininewoman says:

Calypso what you could practice now is leaning back in your thoughts and energy. While opening your hands and releasing him and the relationship

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 10:44am
632: Daria says:

I will trust in this for me even if Ive never ‘seen’ it be done, even in my mind eye.

Talking about it, using scenes from it will bring me there.

I’m just trusting the darkness.

I love u velvet great grandmother.

And I love you, beautiful human goddess, light of the earth.

We’re celebrating your being.

You are the one . The huge one the loved piece.

You make our web breathe .

You are our greatest creation, galaxies are in awe of you. Seahorses and metals honor you beautiful one.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 10:46am
633: ruth says:

621
Miss stix, i am pretty sure he does not like the feeling messages
he has complained about the fact that i am now saying what i feel

Your input is very helpful

Im just going to withdraw from him for a bit now,it may not be the most healing or helpful thing to do but I need to sort my own house out and just sit with this a while

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 10:46am
634: Calypso says:

FW – that sounds interesting. Thinking of it like that, i realize I’m still acting like seeing him is a task to be completed . . . like one of my chores – “Have a successful relationship with JC” – Check! Lol

I do not know how to focus on ME . . . just ME. What do I really want? I feel guilty when I am at home all cozy with my dogs and cats and happily focusing on myself – like I have to sneak those moments. The world wants my attention and I feel compelled to give it until i am exhausted.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 10:48am
635: Daria says:

The earth is putting her soul into you sister.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 10:49am
636: MissStix says:

BAB

591

Good gosh I could have been reading about me and mine! You respond the exact way I have in the past to him acting and speaking exactly how my guy has acted and spoken to me. Like…To a T.

You handled it beautifully. And him coming to you like that with apologies shows he is an understanding and sincere man. They have hang ups too. This is all ok.

For me the tears, and fears have seemed to fall away on their own as I practice and learn and grow. This will happen for you too. You will see him come foreward more and more. As you move from “trying” to be open to simply being open.

I’m only a few steps ahead of you! And it’s been amazing.

And PS. Lets double date! I bet we’d get along very well.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 10:50am
637: ruth says:

And right now one bit of me is thinking, if i went back to the old way and created a drama and leaned forward, i might get a reaction and some affection from him

yes, I might
But it wouldnt be real and i would feel bad

Right, now i have written it down like that i am not going to do it
This isnt about him.its about me.I want to feel good again.
Ouch

Tears
I feel helpless and useless
Yuck

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 10:50am
638: Radlove says:

Miss Stix and Ruth,

614-615 – Thank you. I agree.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 10:50am
639: Laughing Goddess says:

Radlove:

****It feels more like I’m being manipulated, or trying to be. I may be missing the mark here, but the message I am getting is that we are not going to get along well right now unless you agree that I did nothing to cause this perceived non proposal. In my heart of hearts, I know that I know that I know that it’s a blatant lie.

He did similar things in the months leading up to the perceived non proposal, leading me on, then letting me down, each time denying that it was intentional.*********

If you truly believe that he was intentionally trying to manipulate, lead you on, and hurt you, then I think it would be best to have absolutely no contact with him. I mean zero, nothing. Don’t even respond if he tries to contact you.

If you do want to have some kind of relationship, with him, then I believe you need to trust him when he says he didn’t intentionally hurt you.

Otherwise, I believe you two will remain stuck in the limbo state which seems to be very painful and dragging you down.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 10:52am
640: Radlove says:

Miss Stix,

618 – Ok. When he contacts me, it will be Hey, how are you doing? So what would be a good script?

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 10:52am
641: Rebecca says:

640: Radlove says:

Miss Stix,

618 – Ok. When he contacts me, it will be Hey, how are you doing? So what would be a good script?

Nothing. Silence. Walk away and do something lovely for yourself.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 10:56am
642: MissStix says:

Radlove

I still get these msgs from ex-husband…as recently as the past few weeks.

I am honest, and friendly at this point. Just like I would be with any other friend. I will go look through my txts to see what I have said in the past…

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 10:58am
643: Tam says:

637..Ruth, that is the good stuff there. It’s a shift. And yes, it is about you.
When I was ‘shifting’ like that, I felt so uncomfortable, I was crying for days….so you are doing well, believe me.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 10:58am
644: Radlove says:

LG,

639 – I believe strongly he is not taking responsibility for leading me on repeatedly in 2009. I guess I will have to not contact him at all. And that is where I lose power every time. I need to get strong so I don’t contact him.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 11:00am
645: ruth says:

643
Thanks tam

it really does feel horrible

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 11:01am
646: Radlove says:

Rebecca,

641 – Ok.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 11:02am
647: BAB says:

MissStix

Too funny! Double date sounds like fun. Always nice to know ppl with like minds:)
Also thank you for the encouragement, im not giving up just gonna be more conscious about how i speak.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 11:03am
648: MissStix says:

The farthest back I have is march of this year. Not that helpful un-fortunately

Him: “Sh1t, dude do you remember jen from ___? She just won 200 million dollars!”

Me: “WOAH!!! Jealous! Guess i’ll just have to earn my millions. Ps I’m guessing this is xxxx? I don’t have this # stored ”

Him: “Yep it’s me. Crazy huh??”

Me: “Yah no sh1t!! So how are ya?? How’s the bar going??”

Him: “amazing!! So much hard work but well worth it!”

me: “:D so happy things are going your way jxxx! I’m seriously proud of you!”

Him: “:D”

It looks like friendship because it simply is. No past pain, or worries. We do not see each other, but chitty chat occasionally.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 11:05am
649: Tam says:

645..rest assured Ruth, it will get so much easier.
Well, I still have ups and downs but nothing like this for a while. Once you get through the shift, it’s easy to see how it can be done again and again with less pain/effort. A bit like with the triggers, they get easier and easier to navigate/deal with/file under experience and move on from them…generally speaking.
I still stumble a lot.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 11:06am
650: ruth says:

It feels odd to be dreading the next text instead of anxiously waiting for it

Anyway.Time for a little run soon
have also entered the Aspire Swim the channel challenge thingy
I am rubbish at swimming but it was fun in 2010
(the 22 miles is in a pool over 6 weeks)

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 11:07am
651: MissStix says:

Radlove

There is immense power in letting go of the past and truely forgiving.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 11:07am
652: ruth says:

649
thanks tam, again

I can see how far you have come

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 11:10am
653: Smile says:

Hi sirens!

Last night I had a horrible dream… I was hiding in a different world to thd one I am familiar with, I was being hunted. I felt in fear of my life.

When I woke up, I kept my eyes closed. I felt my bones in pain. I was so tense. I felt a pain and tightness I had never ever experienced before but it didn’t make me cry or scream. Such a strange feeling.

I wonder what that was all about. Another dream like that would make me feel frightened 

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 11:10am
654: Tam says:

652 Ruth, thanks but I feel like I have not come all that far…but considering I was a mess, I am now much less of a mess. From cow to wow basically.. Ha!!!

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 11:14am
655: Smile says:

Hi Ruth, I’m going to enter the 10k but not till may. I thought of you. Will have to get lots of practise in!

Haven’t had time to catch up on blog but sounds like your feeling anxious.

((Ruth))

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 11:14am
656: ruth says:

i have only been on the blog about 2 months and tam you have moved on so much

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 11:16am
657: Smile says:

Trying to feel relaxed. Trying to switch off. I think I might watch a film tonight or read my book.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 11:16am
658: ruth says:

ooh smile i feel excited reading that
but you dont need to wait tiil may

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 11:17am
659: MissStix says:

Hmmm

The hardest convo I had with ex-hubby was recently when he DID own up to what he did and apologized. I no longer wanted to hear it. I was past it and it actually pi$$ed me off.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 11:18am
660: Radlove says:

Miss Stix,

648 – Thanks, looks good.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 11:18am
661: Rebecca says:

646: Radlove says:

Rebecca,

641 – Ok.

I think you should only speak to him if he turns up at your house NAKED and DANCES a GIG for you! With an ROSE between his buttock.

And then and only then should you give him a courteous but haughty ‘hello..’, whilst tossing your hair over your shoulder and walking away like you are really, totally unimpressed…

This guy really needs to prove himself to you

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 11:20am
662: Laughing Goddess says:

Radlove: have you looked into that site, Baggage Reclaim?

From what I’ve heard, it has lots of tips for No Contact.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 11:20am
663: ruth says:

Rebecca
ha ha ha!!!!!!!!

So funny

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 11:22am
664: MissStix says:

BAB

Awesome! Looking forward to observing your posts through this! I love so much to watch people progress and grow.

It’s cool to see another siren in a similar relationship with a man who reads as likeminded to mine.

Yay money issues! haha sarcasm

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 11:22am
665: Tam says:

Nightmare, Smile, urgh!!! I had a couple of those this week – maybe the blue moon…
10k, great!!

Thanks again Ruth

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 11:22am
666: Radlove says:

Miss Stix,

651 – Like I’ve said, I was and am more than willing to let go of the past. But he kept bringing it up. I forgave him easily. But the reason I’m not willing to say yeah, I just imagined it, you didn’t do anything at all, is because I know in my heart that it is a lie, and I don’t want a relationship based on a lie.

If he said let’s just bury 2009 and rebuild and never talk about it again, I’d say fine, perfectly fine. In doing so, I wouldn’t be validating his lie.

But as long as he won’t let it go, I must be true to myself. I refuse to be any other way. He is mentally powerful. If I gave him this, he would think he could pull me around psychologically all the time. He didn’t expect me to be as mentally powerful as I am. He is used to psychologically twisting his Mom any way he chooses. He could get a psychiatrist to believe he was normal if he chose to. I was one person he couldn’t snow. Where I get stuck is I love him!

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 11:22am
667: Laughing Goddess says:

Haha Rebecca! I feel giggly and amused!!!

Thanks for the laugh!

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 11:23am
668: Tam says:

Rebecca!!!! You are totally funny!!!
I am feeling so amused!!!!

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 11:25am
669: Laughing Goddess says:

I don’t understand how a person can want to be with someone who they think wants to psychologically manipulate them. This is the part that I feel very, very confused about.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 11:26am
670: Radlove says:

Smile,

653 – No fun at all. Sadly, this world is about to become one like we have never known. The military will try to impose total control like a police state. Go search underground base at denver airport and one world money system and mandatory microchip implants (in Obamacare), and mandatory arms confiscation.

When it all falls, remember I love you all.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 11:27am
671: Radlove says:

LG,

669 – I feel confused how I could want to be with him, too. I think it’s that syndrome Belle talked about: I was accustomed to emotional abuse in childhood, and the hot and cold. It feels normal. My red flag sensor is numbed.

A lot of my work here with Rori’s stuff is resensitizing it. I am able to do that when it is blatant abuse, like yelling, hitting, etc. But I still struggle. It is a whole psychological syndrome where victims in such things as hostage situations would end up protecting their abuser. I am trying to be more aware of it and to run.

Thus why I am here today trying to get in gear for running.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 11:31am
672: MissStix says:

Radlove

Don’t even worry. I hear you 100%. In your journey you do not have to do as i’ve done. I did what I did completely selfishly if i’m being frank. I spent 7.5 years of my life putting him first. I made a choice to say fxck it and put me first. That choice was the first paving stone on my road.

I don’t know how to do it any other way, and I don’t really want to advise anyone to do it any other way for simply not really knowing how, or feeling comfortable.

I will simply show how I did it, and you take whatever feels right, and leave what doesn’t.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 11:31am
673: Femininewoman says:

Re 669. That my dear laughing Goddess is where you and I see eye to eye on this. My conclusion is that is how people lie to themselves enough to be convinced and convincing. I have also concluded that they story is a ploy to get continuous attention.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 11:31am
674: Radlove says:

LG,

662 – Baggage Reclaim. I need to. Thanks for the reminder.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 11:32am
675: BAB says:

MissStix
Oh my goodness hahaha

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 11:33am
676: Femininewoman says:

Choice. As Gay Hendricks says we all come to a choicepoint in relationships. Until we can choose ourselves we can’t choose anyone or get chosen

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 11:36am
677: Smile says:

I love baggage reclaim! Although it feels harsh sometimes that’s what I need to hear. Brings me back to reality EVERYTIME! Strumming man is a classic elasticband man!

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 11:44am
678: ruth says:

Dear radlove
I may be speaking for myself really (projection)but
Is there any element of addiction in your relatuonship with R and could you deal with it in that way?

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 11:45am
679: Smile says:

Radlove 670- that’s feels scarier than my dream for a reality like that! It sounds like the hunger games!

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 11:46am
680: ruth says:

Just reading and posting on here makes me feel better

Thank you Sirens

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 11:47am
681: Smile says:

Hi tam! I don’t normally have many nightmares, so this has left me feeling somewhat unsettled:(

What I did notice though that makes me feel proud is how even half asleep I consciously made myself feel my feelings rather than trying to escape from them. In my mind I remember using the words I feel!

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 11:49am
682: Smile says:

Ruth, I’m doing it with friends from work. I would need lots of motivation to run 10k. It would feel hard doing it alone. Going to be building up the running though, who knows I might even achieve 10k a few time before the actually thing.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 11:51am
683: Belle says:

676
FW
Ohmigosh that really highlights the inner conflict I’ve been experiencing the past several months.
The inner argument…one part dragging me toward C, wanting to meet HIS needs, the other part saying, “hey, he doesn’t meet MY needs, *I* get to decide!”
Back and forth
Back and forth
Rori’s tools have helped so much in the way I talk to MYSELF to get these seemingly opposing sides to cooperate.
They both want love and communion underneath.

I feel it resolving.
The more I really feel my feelings, and focus more and more on LOA principles (placing a priority on feeling good), the closer I feel to being at a place of choice and relationship rather than entanglement.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 11:51am
684: Radlove says:

FW,

673 – I feel like saying fu. I feel pissed off. If you don’t like me being on the blog, just go start your own blog. I don’t need this continual judgmentalism, and people like you are why people like me isolate from society.

But I intend to seek my healing just to spite you.

Maybe if you weren’t so busy with your head up everyone else’s a$$, you’d geet some healing yourself. I feel so judged by you at every turn. And even tho I know that just means you judge yourself, I still feel pissed off and have thought a thousand times of leaving the blog. Go away!

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 11:52am
685: Femininewoman says:

Ruth it is one way to focus on something else

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 11:53am
686: ruth says:

Another “feeling” message and a complaint
he is mirroring, but doesnt repsond when i do so i havent responded to the last text
I dont know what to say
he wont let me connect or support

I fel hopeless and empty
No point sending anything supportive, or even anything neutral
It would serve no purpose

he has made his point loud and clear about the feeling messages, but, um, i dont even want to reply now

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 11:54am
687: Femininewoman says:

I would love for you to spite me that way.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 11:56am
688: Smile says:

So strummingman is coming round tomorrow.

I need siren help in preparation!

Last time he came to collect his stuff he ended up giving me a kiss. I replied ‘that felt a nice surprise’ he told me he missed me etc… And left a bunch of his stuff so je could come back again!

I don’t think he would attempt to kiss me again, however after the text goodnight he sent the other evening I’m not sure how he is feeling. I don’t want to accept crumbs. I want all or nothing.

Any ideas on what I could say ‘just incase’ he tries to kiss me or tells me he misses me again? I want to feel strong.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 11:56am
689: Radlove says:

FW,

Calling somebody ugly won’t make you any prettier.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 11:58am
690: Tam says:

Ruth, sometimes silence is a good thing and just as powerful.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 11:58am
691: ruth says:

Smile, shame you dont live near me

But I wish you lots of fun in the 10k

I havent even done one this year

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 11:58am
692: Laughing Goddess says:

Ugh, I feel disturbed. I dont want to see people being attacked.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 12:01pm
693: Tam says:

Smile, oh, strumming man. Well, if he makes a move how would that feel?
And what do you want?
I believe getting those two things clear in your mind, you should be able to speak your truth?
And be surprised…

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 12:02pm
694: Radlove says:

FW,

687 – Well being on this blog day after day, pouring my heart out, is the WAY in which I’m seeking my healing! Remodeling gets a little messy sometimes. You think I’m doing this for attention? You think it feels good to lay out all this embarrassing stuff?

Until you have walked in someone else’s shoes, don’t judge them. Maybe what looks obvious or second nature to you, just isn’t to me.

I feel sick of hearing this bi/tching in the undercurrents and I feel like slapping you across the face. You remind me of Nellie Olsen on Little House on the Prairie. Get over yourself. You need healing too, so you don’t scare away every man with your snobbery.

What are you here for?

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 12:02pm
695: Jenny says:

So CDJ have left. He arrived on time, we huged. Se sat on my soffa, taled a littel…or well both looked the other into his eyes, and smiled..and was shy. Then he asked about the movie..I let him open the movie box, start the dvd and such thing.Then he at once laid his arm around me and pulled me to him. So he was sitting ans softly caress me. I asked for a paus since I wanted some applepie. We ate and taled alot, layght, we shared the same intreset in nature and animals. Then we contined to watch the movie. He keept his arm around my the whole time, stroke my armes and hands, even very light caress me on my brest, outside my cloth…ont time he was touching my clevage from above so to speak. He also pulled his tshirt up, and showed me it was up, so I could toch his skin.

Then maybe 10-15 min before the movie finished..he stoped stroke me on my breast – he eept his arm around me. And when teh movie stoped we taled a little about it. And he got up, said “I should get home” I just said, “Ok, I understand” (One hour drive home and work day tomorrow)

When he started to put on his shoes…I first took and old habit pose…then I relised how maskuline that pose is..so I placed myself by the wall, on my hands…and said nothing, just stod there, smiling and waiting. He took on his shoes and while doing that “It was very nice watch a movie with you” Adn I said” I agree it felt nice”

When he was ready to leave..he walked up to me, gave me a hug. I thanked him for the visit and the comany. He walked out the door…I was saying something like “ehhh…” he turned around, I smiled and gave him a singal of “Come to me”…he walked to me, stod very close, looed into my eyes..I kissed him very light. He smiled, kissed me back. Stoped, looked me into my eyes, smiled and giggled a little and kissed me, laid his arms around me. Then he let go and walked away.

…and I’m feeling a mix of fear, joy, nervous, NV runing wild, calm, smiling…I see I might did some masculine things…like call him back and kiss him…gahh

….so any thoughts?

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 12:02pm
696: Femininewoman says:

Belle these are the things that happen when we vote for ourselves, be open to learning, staying aware and commiting to our happiness. Continuously choosing to move forward as opposed to backwards and dragging ourselves down.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 12:04pm
697: ruth says:

Tam
Its not silence to make a point
Not this time

I just

Oh god, I feel tiredHe is acting so out of character and using the feeling mesages as a weapon, and i

I dont want to do it any more
I feel so switched off and heartsick and i just need a hug

((((((((( hugs to me))))))
Yuck
I hate feeling like this
Especially when i had such a good day with my staff and patients
But relying on work to make you feel good is not ideal-done that for too long

Yuck

Now Ifeel like apologising for spamming the blog

Um, right,get a grip andgo for a run lady!

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 12:05pm
698: Radlove says:

Smile,

681 – That’s awesome!

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 12:06pm
699: Tam says:

Aw Ruth!!!! ((((Ruth))))
No, happiness needs to come from inside, not work or a man…quite right.
You’re not spamming!!

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 12:07pm
700: ruth says:

688 Smile

depends what you want

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 12:08pm
701: Femininewoman says:

Jenny you are aware. That is key.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 12:09pm
702: Radlove says:

LG,

692 – Well you know me well enuff to know I don’t normally attack people. But this has gone on too long. I have tried subtle feeling messages and FW just doesn’t get it.

So often I have wished I could have PRIVACY for processing this personal stuff. But I am just not able to afford what kind of therapist would really help me. So I come here, and you ladies have helped me grow far more than any therapist, and I feel good about being able to give back, too.

I feel so vulnerable, like pulling down my pants in front of a hostile person, laying this stuff out, knowing I’m being criticized and judged by some people. But I feel the help and I need the help and I’m growing, so I just keep doing it, praying that I won’t live to regret pouring out my heart in such a public place.

I truly do question my judgment, but wow, I feel so nurtured, and cared for, and understood by some of you that I just keep coming back. I think about you all and want to be on the blog sometimes even when I am physically with friends! This level of depth is so stimulating and interesting.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 12:10pm
703: ruth says:

695Jenny

oh that feel so nice to read

A guy who takes time

Dont do ANYTHING

lean back and wait for the next yummy bit

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 12:11pm
704: Femininewoman says:

((((((Ruth))))))))))

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 12:12pm
705: Belle says:

696
FW
I noticed when I read this post my heart felt like it was pounding harder and my chest feels tense.
Given the conversation with Radlove it feels like a passive aggressive snipe at her. It’s coming across as smug.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 12:17pm
706: ruth says:

thanks Tam and FW

I think he is being abusive
using feeling messages to do that feels so horrible

I feel as though I could literally tear my heart out of my chest because i DO NOT WANT TO FEEL THIS
And no, sorry, i cant sink into the soup now
maybe later
I dont want to feel this right now, i want a break

I will come back to it

Just-cant—–right now

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 12:18pm
707: Siren Angel says:

Feeling strung-along, like a favorite …

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 12:30pm
708: Radlove says:

FW,

You need to take a walk down the yellow brick road, so you can ask the wizard for a heart.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 12:31pm
709: Smile says:

Tam/Ruth what do I want…

Honestly It would feel so ace to have a relationship with this man. That’s why I want to get my speech right. Its not just about having a relationship for me. I do choose him. But I want the feeling to be mutual.

How does this sound…

Firstly if he tried to kiss me I would pull away… Then I might say… I feel all tingly, If I were to carrying on kissing you I would start to feel connected to you again. I only want to connect with someone who shows they can offer me a committed relationship and care for my heart with their actions meeting their words.

Then I would sit on the floor where ever I was.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 12:34pm
710: Femininewoman says:

Belle thanks for your comment. You might be right.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 12:37pm
711: ruth says:

Ah Smile

But you havent started CD yet

I like your script so far, but Im not the person to ask

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 12:37pm
712: forest siren says:

Turquoise wow! I’m sorry about his text. I agree with FW that it’s not you judging him its him judging himself. Wow I still feel shocked at how you offer unconditional friendship no agenda put your desire for a relationship aside in order to be a good friend and get this you are judging me line!

I guess it’s really true until we are right with ourselves we can’t be clear with someone else (meaning his stuff) and it really is in our best interest to focus on us.

Hug.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 12:40pm
713: Smile says:

691 Ruth

Do you live in London or were you just running there? I’m doing the Manchester 10k x

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 12:41pm
714: Tam says:

Aw Smile, I like it too, also the sitting on the floor thing too. I wish I could come up with something when faced with that scenario.
Maybe some of the other Sirens have more constructive advice….but I love it

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 12:41pm
715: Femininewoman says:

Smile – Get my speech right? Do you mean you want to share how you feel authentically?

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 12:41pm
716: Dominique says:

Ruth – I may be late to the party again, but I do want to address your problem anyway.

I don’t know how your feeling messages are, what they look like, and this could be a part of this. Are they really about YOU and not about what he is or isn’t doing? Are they maybe veiled accusations or trying to make him wrong on some way?

There are ways to express yourself when you don’t like a behavior by melting and expressing how good it feels when you DO like what he’s doing instead of addressing what you don’t. This will often inspire a man to do more of what you like and less of what you don’t, in time.

If this is not the case, and you have spoken true feeling statements without an agenda behind them, then maybe he’s just having a bad day, and instead of addressing his apparent objections to your feeling messages, how about saying to him, “you seem upset. it seems as though you are having a trying time.” that’s all you need to say.

If he really and truly is hating you expressing your feelings, it may be as it once was for me that you are using them awkwardly still, maybe sometimes using them for thoughts and not for feelings.

I remember K once saying to me, “just because you say, I feel, doesn’t make it all okay.” Once I became more comfortable with them and got clear on how to use them and also how better to speak to him so that he hears me, the tension around this disappeared between us.

Remember that using feeling messages is first and foremost for YOU, so that YOU get in touch with YOU and how YOU feel. As a side benefit, it creates a safer place for your man to come and brings you closer.

If none of this rings true to you, then it’s possible he’s having adjustment difficulties. Maybe it’s bringing things up for him. Maybe how knows what, and it’s not our job to try to figure it out.

Just keep with it, and keep working on getting better at delivery. And leave him his space to work through whatever he’s working through.

xxoo

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 12:42pm
717: forest siren says:

This blog is amazing. And funny. Radlove one of the gifts that you bring to this blog is that your situation is pretty unusual and we all show who we are in relation to it. Do u see that? It’s a gift you are giving us.

And yes miss stix I agree with you we show what we did and the person can take what they like and leave the rest.

Peacemaker forest siren says Radlove can you show the same tolerance you have for r for FW? When you feel attacked by him you show him more love can you do that here too?

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 12:44pm
718: Smile says:

Ruth 711- this is true, however I have had a good rewarding relationship before with him. I feel wiser now with my tools!

I wouldn’t get back with him because he asked me… Not that he would anyway this is ALL hypothetical and practise… This is why in my speech I’ve put that actions should match words ie he would have to prove this too be true over time to consistently care for my heart. Until I felt this I would keep c dating

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 12:46pm
719: Dominique says:

Siren Angel – I addressed your question about your hormones somewhere way up the thread.

xxoo

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 12:47pm
720: Smile says:

715- you got it! Share my feelings authentically, give a speech, work on a script…Put my boundaries in place!

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 12:49pm
721: Smile says:

720- femininewoman

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 12:50pm
722: forest siren says:

I didn’t have to worry about my roots cos Lionman didnt call me today

I tried to do something nice for myself but the place was closed

I feel like getting under the covers

But I really should do dishes and cleaning

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 12:51pm
723: Femininewoman says:

Smile I dunno. The pulling away from ths kiss kinda hit my psyche as game playing. Also are you suggesting that you only connect romantically everyone?

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 12:52pm
724: ruth says:

Thank you Dominique
I suspect i am still not using the feeling messages totally authentically, they still feel alien to me
he is having a bad day, but the way he is texting about it is so different that i think he really is playing games .
He did not respond to a simple”do you want to talk” or.” i am sorry you are feeling bad”
Just nessages about “i feel bad” (and he doesnt ever speak like this, he is mirroring).But not engaging in dialogue.Even said last night when i asked why he felt annoyed “no point in telling you”

Just had a “normal” sounding e mail after not responding for a few hours( i really didnt know what to say)

I actually am so tired of all this

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 12:53pm
725: ruth says:

And i am not making any sense at all
gah
I feel frustrated
i am not normally this slow at picking things up

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 12:54pm
726: Senara says:

Oh my goodness, I feel like I’m blushing! I feel giddy!

This man just flirted with me! And he was good looking too!

I’m thrilled to see once again that Rori’s tools are working!

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 12:55pm
727: Radlove says:

Forest Siren,

717 – “This blog is amazing. And funny. Radlove one of the gifts that you bring to this blog is that your situation is pretty unusual and we all show who we are in relation to it. Do u see that? It’s a gift you are giving us.”

thanks for seeing it that way. It’s a far stretch for me. I just know that I appreciate those who speak positively into my life, and it makes a huge difference.

You said, “Peacemaker forest siren says Radlove can you show the same tolerance you have for r for FW? When you feel attacked by him you show him more love can you do that here too?”

Peacemaker Radlove has been doing that with FW for over 2 years. She reached her breaking point today. I have posted oodles of gentle feeling messages for her. I hope she finds some healing on here.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 12:55pm
728: Calypso says:

I find myself fascinated when Sirens fight . . . it used to really disturbe me, but I think it is healing something inside of me – like it is OK to disagree and still stand your ground – no one has to leave. Growing up, arguments between my parents were an excuse for my dad to leave – I learned to hit (verbally) and run . . . never learned how to fight and stay… It takes courage.

Stay ~

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 12:57pm
729: Dominique says:

Radlove – I’m sorry you feel attacked, but honestly I don’t believe this is where FW is coming from. Though I don’t want to speak for her, I think she feels frustrated. And in this frustration, she no longer wants to engage with you on this topic.

Can you see that she cares about you and doesn’t want to continue to see you feeling bad, hurting over this?

Yes you are are your path, and you need to follow it in your way on your timetable.

And I support you in this. And in her own way, so does FW.

Lashing back though does not help you in your healing. Even if someone had truly lashed at you, they would have done so because they are hurting. Saying you feel owied is okay; leaving the scene is okay; saying you don’t want to be talked to in this way or you don’t want to feel this way with this person is okay. Speaking hurtful words back is not good for YOU.

Sending you love.

xxoo

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 12:57pm
730: Smile says:

714- thanks tam, just feels good to hash out some things to say, even though they might never happen. This is what I feel most awkward about. Sharing feelings in the moment. So I’m coming up with pretend scenarios to practise.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 12:58pm
731: Radlove says:

Forest Siren,

722- I was just thinking about how I could make housework a fun activity. Because I hate it. It was full of yelling and all sorts of negativity growing up. I want to feel good when I do housework.

So my friend suggested loud music and dancing as I work. I’m going to try it. I want to heal this.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 12:58pm
732: ruth says:

Going to run now and then come back and read your post again Dominique
It just feels so bad having feeling messages used like weapons, and then I thin well, is that how o am doing it?
I didnt think so but

will need to sit and think on it
and maybe write the messages down but not speak them for a hile

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 1:00pm
733: Belle says:

724
Ruth
Something I learned is not *generally* to ask anyone “why” they feel anything.
What works really well is to just repeat it back to them.
A: I’m annoyed.
B: You’re annoyed?
C: Yeah….blah blah blah

is the way it usually works.
If they don’t respond then I just sit in the tension and the silence and let them have their experience.

Asking “why” can come across as asking someone to justify their feelings and can inadvertently put someone on the defensive.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 1:00pm
734: LoveAlways says:

“The truth is – we don’t know ANYTHING.”

Of all of Rori’s tools and encouragements, this is the one I embrace the most and it feels right to me.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 1:01pm
735: Smile says:

723- FW

The reason I would pull away is because I would not be able to cope with the feelings kissing him wiuld stir up in me. There is a lot of chemistry between us. When he kissed me last time I couldn’t just be in the moment. I had a lot of expectations attached to the kiss and him saying he missed me. Maybe this is where I need to look more?

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 1:02pm
736: Femininewoman says:

Smile I feel so much uncertainty around the him having to prove it to you. This might be an impossible task for him. I am asking myself if I require a man to prove himself if I accept him. It feels like a conundrum.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 1:02pm
737: Dominique says:

Ruth – Most men don’t talk about how they feel or what’s going on when they are having a bad day. And this is okay. It’s not their job. That’s your job. Your simple, “I’m sorry you’re feeling bad,” was perfect. But to expect a reply, no. If he wants to tell you about it later, he will. If not, then not, and this is okay.

Just keep your heart open. take care of you and your needs. Try not to get sucked into his off moods. Soothe yourself in any way you can to keep your energy and mood up.

xxoo

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 1:03pm
738: Tam says:

Aw Forest Siren!!! For what it’s worth, I think you’re a genius for that comment to Radlove regarding the lashing out to FW!!
I thought that was really amazing.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 1:04pm
739: LoveAlways says:

Hi Sirens.

Not leaning forward. But when I speak with HScd I want to give a really strong feeling message . . . please share your thoughts about this one:

“It would feel so sweet to make love with you.”

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 1:05pm
740: Belle says:

729
Dominique
If she didn’t want to engage with her she wouldn’t. Period, plain and simple.
She IS attacking, and doing it in a very sneaky, subtle way.

What I’m inferring from her posts is that
she believes Radlove is the source of her frustration
She believes Radlove wants attention
She believes that wanting that attention is somehow wrong and bad
She believes that Radlove is taking too long to do…something (whatever it is that she thinks Radlove should be doing).
She is making up a story about Radlove, and projecting that Radlove has an ongoing story to get attention.
She believes that if Radlove would just do some indefinable thing, that SHE would feel better.
She believes that Radlove is somehow not doing the very best she can.
She is withholding compassion for herself where she is hung up in her process somewhere and projecting it onto Radlove.
She said she would feel better if she bowed out and implied she would, and she DIDN’T bow out, so that’s a reflection of her being out of integrity, and she’s blaming Radlove.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 1:06pm
741: Femininewoman says:

Dominique I feel curious you say using hurtful words BACK so I am wondering what hurtful words I used?

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 1:10pm
742: Tereana says:

Ruth – Thanks!

Yes, it’s been very exciting, and now I have an altogether different sort of problem! lol

Maybe this is a “gray area” thing.

But now that we’ve talked about it with this new guy, and he’s super clear that it is not only about sex. He wants to “build something” that is meaningful – and I believe that he means it. I still feel wary, because I am uncertain about a few things. But I think it is mostly sensations that I get to work on for myself. I feel pretty secure and solid that he really wants a relationship.

But also right now, it is only in a “trial period.” It is not (at least in my book) “official.” We can reevaluate in a couple of weeks, or days or whatever and see how we feel. He says he is committed to me and wants to make it work. And that sounds good.

And all of a sudden, I am hearing from so many other guys! Vman is still texting me, and sometimes it edges on the personal and sexy. K, from a loooong time ago, just called me yesterday, out of the blue. And he called me this morning, too. I am pretty sure that he just wants to be friends, but still. It makes you wonder. And I guess it’s just kind of that thing of “when it rains it pours.”

But also, a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush. These 2 other guys are “in the bush.” They are not “real.” I’m not dating them. I don’t want to drop the guy who really wants to be with me for them. And that’s not the issue. The issue is, how much do I keep talking to them? I don’t want to be “unfaithful” ever. And I don’t want to be dishonest in any way.

But for some reason, right now, I don’t feel I have to “heart” to tell VMan what’s come up. Even though I feel like I should…he’s on the East Coast right now for 10 days. And we’ve been texting a lot since before he left. I didn’t tell K either, when he called me this morning. Help. Any thoughts???

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 1:12pm
743: MissStix says:

Ruth

He is being a man.

I have learned:

Do not ask a man why he feels a certain way.

Do not ask a man if he wants to talk about it.

Do not make suggestions about how he could feel better.

Do not say “i’m sorry you feel that way”.

Instead:

“ok”

“It’s ok if you want to vent”

“oh, gosh that sounds aweful”

as for the last, if it’s something you did:

“I’m sorry I did that. I did not realize you wouldn’t like it. I am aware of this now.”

These are all things other sirens, rori, and dominique have taught me. They have helped me immensely.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 1:17pm
744: ruth says:

738 Dominique
Um , yes, normally i will get a compaint about his day and deal with it just like that
But he was deliberately altering his style of communication to say “i feel”
he has *never* done that
Ditto to bellle, yeah, if he had said the usual stuff of BEING(not “feeling”) angry etc, I would just say;”im sorry you feel like that”
And leave it at that
Mirroring feeling messages and then refusing to respond at all for hours I think was game playing on his part and it really hurt
The worst part is me now thinking that feeling messages trigger and hurt people

that *really* feels yucky and i am sure it is not true but it hurt today
i felt like \i was being mocked
he wasnt actually trying to communicate anything at all
it felt violent and unpleasant

I dont think i am making much sense, sorry

must run

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 1:17pm
745: MissStix says:

hehe

Eek dominique! You’re better at this than I am!! I’m glad you’re around.

I thought apologizing to a man for their own feelings is a no no?

Wondering now, where did I pick that up?

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 1:20pm
746: Radlove says:

Dominique,

729 – “Radlove – I’m sorry you feel attacked, but honestly I don’t believe this is where FW is coming from. Though I don’t want to speak for her, I think she feels frustrated. And in this frustration, she no longer wants to engage with you on this topic.”

Before I spoke harshly with her, I asked her to just ignore my posts. But the subtle jabs continued, via messages to other women on the blog. If she doesn’t want to engage, I welcome that. That’s my intention. But I don’t want her to talk about me badly. It’s been going on for many months, and I’ve said virtually nothing.

“Can you see that she cares about you and doesn’t want to continue to see you feeling bad, hurting over this?”

No, she doesn’t care about me. She can’t care about me, because she doesn’t care about herself.

You said, “Saying you feel owied is okay; leaving the scene is okay; saying you don’t want to be talked to in this way or you don’t want to feel this way with this person is okay. Speaking hurtful words back is not good for YOU.”

I have done all the gentle feeling message stuff with FW over and over for months now. The subtle jabs just keep coming, little undercurrents of snide conversations with other Sirens on me. I said what I needed to say, and I make no apologies or retractions.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 1:22pm
747: Dominique says:

FW – I was talking about Radlove using hurtful words back to you, in response to you.

xxoo

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 1:23pm
748: turquoise says:

I like that Calypso. I have learned to hit verbally and run also. My friendship with Mr. C was teaching me to stay, because he has abandonment issues… and where normally I’d want to leave in a disagreement, it really triggered him, so I’d walk out of the room and come back in or move to another seat, but not leave the house. To me, it’s just automatic. Things aren’t going well, get the heck out of there. But that doesn’t fix anything.

I’ve been in the middle of some MAJOR battles here, especially with Daria. I really am sorry about that. Learning to deal with my triggers, and not get SO triggered… as in take things so personally, has been a huge help to me. I still have a long way to go.

Thank you Forest, my wanting to help and be supportive, felt weird to him… and too much at times because he said he wasn’t used to it. That everyone has an agenda. So, we had a little battle of wills going where he’d try to get me to admit it, and I’d try to get him to see it my way. If I was getting anything, it’s that I like to help people, and that makes me feel good about myself.

I haven’t had this break up/make up dynamic in years. I forgot what this feels like. We aren’t a couple, but it often feels that way. I just looked at the calendar, and I’ve seen him 19 out of the last 20 days. I guess that’s ultimately what I want, to see someone everyday, especially if I think I want to get remarried… but that is a lot of time together. No sleepovers though, so felt less serious.

Maybe this came up to force me to deal with my judgemental side. People don’t have to fit an ideal for me to care about them, and I won’t always agree….. but if my body language and facial expressions, and my words make someone else feel judged, I don’t want that either.

I’m just going to try and keep in in perspective. He needs time, he needs to figure some things out. He didn’t say he never wants to see me again or that he’s mad at me. He said he feels bad and at least some of what I’m doing, isn’t helping. So, less focus on him, which is kind of funny…because I was telling him to focus on good/positive things, not revenge on the ex. And not that he’s a negative thing, but my focus was way more on him than on my own issues and things I need to deal with. Good mirror. It’s such a trap for me. I LOVE to help someone else and take care of them, rather than take care of my own crap. I wonder if that comes across as superior, as in my life is so great, let me fix yours….. hmm.

Well, first date with tux tonight, and then I have date with my bedroom closet. It’s in desperate need of some attention. Maybe I’ll open a bottle of wine and try to relax some tonight too.

I wish he hadn’t sent me that text at work though. I do get hurt by other people’s feelings or reactions to me, and it’s not something I can always shut off easily. I don’t like feeling vulnerable at work.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 1:24pm
749: ruth says:

Thanks Miss Stix

I am going to read back carefully when i get back and digest
you ar all so helpful
thank you
I think what threw me was the deliberate change in comminication style

feels inauthentic

maybe me using feeling mesage to him does too
aaargh

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 1:24pm
750: Dominique says:

Belle – 740 – I understand your feelings, really I do, yet these are a lot of assumptions being made here. None of us really know what FW is thinking except FW.

Maybe she didn’t express herself as well as she could have, yet bottom line is I know both of these women for a very long time, and I know FW cares very deeply. About all of the women here.

And I know Radlove does too.

xxoo

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 1:26pm
751: Smile says:

736 femininewoman, yes I see where your going with this.

I’m feeling confused now though. Should I kiss him or not if he initiates it ? I would want to but then not attached any outcome to it.

My confusion comes around the barriers to not having sex unless you are exclusive and stated your wants/desires etc. Does this apply to kissing?

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 1:26pm
752: Femininewoman says:

Thanks Dominique.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 1:27pm
753: Smile says:

FW- I also know where kissing has gotten me in the past. Our kisses are so passionate, I would have to have firm boundaries.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 1:28pm
754: Dominique says:

MissStix – 745 – It’s okay to express empathy to a man when he’s not doing/feeling well. You don’t want to draw him out, ask him to share, etc. which you know. A simple, “I’m sorry you feel bad,” and then off you go to do your own thing. No commiserating in other words.

xxoo

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 1:29pm
755: Tam says:

Ruth, all men I am correspinding with have started after a certain time, to reply with feeling messages. Yes, copying – very interesting.
The only one who has never said/written a feeling message back is MrP. And I find that particularly strange. Unless you really believe he is mocking you (and you know best), to me it looks like he might be engaging and shifting too – as we knpw this can be painful.
But you know your situation better than we do.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 1:30pm
756: Laughing Goddess says:

Oh gosh, I feel shaken up. I feel my heart racing and my hands trembling a little.

Radlove, I felt really uncomfortable reading some of what seemed like straight out attacks, yet I understand how what FW wrote might feel really triggering to read.

FW, I understand your point to a certain extent and your frustration, yet it did feel passive aggressive to me and I felt uncomfortable being associated with it.

And with that said, I do feel appreciation for both of you.

I’m also noticing that I feel overwhelmed when I engage in more than a few story lines, yet I feel guilty when I am not responding to everyone.

Noticing that I’m feeling a polarity of emotions today.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 1:30pm
757: Laughing Goddess says:

Reading back over what I just wrote, I’m noticing how uncomfortable I feel being authentic with what I am feeling when I risk someone getting mad at me.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 1:32pm
758: Radlove says:

Belle,

740 – Thank you.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 1:33pm
759: BAB says:

Hey sorry iv been reading in your convos.
Dominique, Your saying it is ok to say “im sorry ur feeling that way and so forth when he expresses how he feels? even in an argument?

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 1:34pm
760: Tam says:

Smile, I’d also like to find out about the kissing because it does lead to other things, in my case too. Where does one stop it when it does feel good, and at which point do we try to put the point across that we want to be in a relationship for ‘that kind of thing’ without it looking like game playing? I have problems with that too.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 1:34pm
761: Dominique says:

Radlove – 746 – I hear you. And I understand.

And this where you need to ignore, not engage. And the only reason is because it’s not good for YOU. If nothing else it raises your blood pressure, but more importantly, these things have a tendency to escalate, as you have seen here before, and NO ONE feels good, not YOU primarily, not the other party engaging in the exchange and not the readers or bystanders as the case may be.

xxoo

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 1:35pm
762: BAB says:

Im starting to wonder about Feminine energy and how much feminine energy you should let your man express before it gets to the point where you have to out girl him?
My bf can be very sensitive and at times girly in him mannerisms.
For instance he loves to lay his head on my chest or in my lap and have me play with his hair or ear.
My question. Is this something i should be trying to out girl him in? or is that reserved for times when we are arguing or talking something out?
Any advice is greatly appreciated!

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 1:35pm
763: MissStix says:

Ruth

It’s ok!

Your deep frustration over this is definitely coming across. I wonder too, if all the advice is frustrating.

I wonder (this is NOT advice because I may be WAY off just wonderings in my own brain) if it would be helpful to share with him…

“Honestly, I have been learning a new way of communicating and openly sharing. I’m just learning so I struggle a bit. I just want you to know when I say “I feel…” I am sharing with you. Because I trust you, and want to be open. It is frustrating sometimes…”

Meh. I dunno…My brain is wanders.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 1:35pm
764: Femininewoman says:

DominiqUe what is being reinforced for me are CCarter’s words “how you are in any relationship is how you are in the relationship”. Helping me to kinda hang back and pause and allow the storm to blow over my head. Even not to give in to explaining.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 1:37pm
765: ruth says:

755 tam
yes he was mocking

i have just had an apologetic “normal” E mail saying sorry for being grumpy.No feeling messages(thank Dog)

Um, I just worry if i am so triggered bu inauthentic feeling messages0well, maybe i should not use in real life until can do them properly

Uh, i feel so, so bad saying that
especially on here
They seem to work for the other sirens

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 1:38pm
766: Belle says:

740
Dominique

I made inferences, not assumptions.

Your response reminds me of my mother insisting that our father loved me and cared for me
after breaking my teeth and giving me a black eye.
I know crazy-making when I see it.

One of the wonderful wonderful things about wholeness and owning ALL of my aspects is being able to see clearly. I stand by my assertions.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 1:40pm
767: Dominique says:

BAB – 759 – If you are in argument, even if you don’t agree with him, he is entitled to think what he thinks and feel what he feels. They are valid. Hear him. Listen. There may very well be more than a grain of truth therein.

If he’s angry, you can tell him that you hear his anger. If it’s too much to handle, tell him just this, that you want to hear what he has to say, but it feels too much to handle right now. Can you pick this up later.

I would reserve the I’m sorry for when you are apologizing for having messed up or for when he’s not feeling well whether it’s because he’s ill or has had a hard day or something come up which has stressed him.

xxoo

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 1:41pm
768: forest siren says:

Aww thanks tam!

Lg I’m the same it feels scary if I think they will be mad at me to such an extent that I lose what I’m feeling.

I’m really working on that.

Hope you are having a nice restful day!

I had a good feeling convo with my mom today. Haven’t been able to do that for months.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 1:41pm
769: MissStix says:

BAB

Again…Same for me. I do lavish him a little, but I keep it on a short time limit. As soon as I start to feel like it is too much affection from me to him I stop. I stop because it feels that way to me. Not really because of any “rule” or because I am trying to accomplish anything. I just stop because I start to feel like it’s too much.

Sometimes he’ll say “ohhhh that’s it?” and i’ll smile or giggle and say “you liked that huh?”.

But I still stop!

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 1:42pm
770: ruth says:

763
Miss stix, no the advice isnt frustrating but i sometimes feel confused
I welcome the advice
Really i do
I feel frustrated because i can see how well the feeling messages can work and i cant seehow to do it correctly

it has really back fired on me this week

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 1:43pm
771: turquoise says:

Radlove,

I’ve felt frustrated and overwhelmed with your story many times, and think it was just last week I shared that I was worried your cycle would continue and you’d get hurt again. I do want to say, that you don’t seem to be taking it as hard this time, and that definitely feels like growth to me. I’m not perfect, no one here is… and some of us do have more impatient personalities, I know I do… and it’s very hard to watch you go through this again and again, and rehash it all.

I do want to say that I understand how dreadful your fake engagement felt. That it felt very real and extremely painful.

What I don’t like is reading that it caused you to be suicidal and ruined your life for 2 years. Horrible horrible things happen in life, some on purpose, some on accident. To me, this is where I see Ryan saying, Stop putting that on me!!!! I didn’t do anything to you!!!! That’s not my fault!!!!! That is such a burden to put on someone, that they ruined your life, that I don’t imagine anyone would venture there a second time, to potentially not live up to your expectations, to risk being blamed and held accountable for your misery and potential suicide.

I know he’ll be back, you’ve done this dance many times. If you want a different outcome. I’d be very up front and say I realize my words cause you additional stress and resentment over the past. I don’t want us to keep going there. I’d like to start fresh and leave all of that behind me. If we can do that, then we have a chance at a new start. If we can’t, I feel we will keep coming back to this point, and I don’t want that stress in my life.

See… I’m good at telling other people what to do and how to process and fix their problems. If I could just shift all that energy to myself, I might not push people away! Grrr. At least you are asking for advice B. Other people just want us to listen and agree with them. I hope this helps.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 1:43pm
772: turquoise says:

FW, you’ve been blunt with me, and while I haven’t always appreciated it in the moment, you do give me another side to consider rather than just poor me, and I need that. PLEASE keep giving me your honest opinion and view, because I value it, and it does help me grow. I won’t get anywhere if everyone just always tells me I’m right and forget that guy… he’s the problem. THey often are too.. but it’s not just them. I am the biggest factor in my own happiness. I know that now. Thank you for your thoughtful perspective on my life. I truely appreciate your support.

I do see a big difference in you as well. You don’t often get triggered here anymore.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 1:46pm
773: MissStix says:

Thank you dominique for your clarity!

I get it.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 1:48pm
774: Dominique says:

I also stand by that all the women here are healing and care very much about each and every person here.

Explaining is not helpful or useful, but I feel compelled nonetheless.

Most of you know that my role here is as a coach, and I do the best I can to help where I think I can. I try to be here when RR cannot though my own busy schedule doesn’t always allow this.

Belle, I feel hurt at your words, but this is not your responsibility. It is mine. I don’t see the situation as you do, and this is all I want to say.

xxoo

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 1:50pm
775: Laughing Goddess says:

Turquoise: I love what you just wrote to Radlove. That is exactly what I have been trying to say, I just couldn’t find the right words…especially the part about the pain of the false engagement feeling real, but that it’s a lot to put on someone, and them not feeling safe in that dynamic, etc, etc.

Thank you so much for articulating that so well.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 1:51pm
776: BAB says:

Stix, you are referring to the snuggling correct?
How i handled it last time was by say “Hey i want this’ and motioned to what he was doing/getting, and kinda said it in a playful voice. After i had let him lay his head on me for a bit.
It seemed like he was ok with it, but in the moment i felt like i had messed up?

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 1:52pm
777: ruth says:

Whew it feels swirly and powerful and-thick with emotion on here tonight

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 1:53pm
778: ruth says:

774
Dominique
it does feel helpful to me for you to explain

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 1:55pm
779: Femininewoman says:

Thanks Turquoise. I have learned a lot. Your words feel good to read.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 1:56pm
780: MissStix says:

BAB

oh, yep! I often forget to identify the post #

Are you asking for a way to receive from him?

You want to get him to give to you? This is so the wrong way to word it but I have a feeling you’ll understand what I mean…

I don’t advocate “trying” to “get”, but I could have some helpful suggestions, body languages and vibes that have helped me draw G in…

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 1:57pm
781: Laughing Goddess says:

Forest Siren:

Feels good to know I’m not the only one working on that. I feel shocked by how much I will displace my own feelings to avoid confrontation. Practicing on the blog is really helping me with that.

That’s awesome that you had a good talk with mom!

Also want to say that even though I’m not ready to tell the world, you are quite perceptive and right on track with what is going on with me. It feels great to know that you understand and care.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 1:59pm
782: LoveAlways says:

Okay. I went with
“it would feel sweet to make love”

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 1:59pm
783: Radlove says:

After over two months of jobhunting, I finally got an interview! I thought I had another interview recently, but they never got back to me. The technical writing job is only thru the end of the year, but it pays well and would afford me a hotel per diem arrangement, IN MY HOME AREA, where I am looking to move back to. So it would allow me to look for and afford housing before my lease ends at the end of October. Yay, it’s about time! I wish it were a longer contract, but at least it will get me on my feet while I also continue to look for another job in my home area.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 2:00pm
784: MissStix says:

Ick…My marriage was full of physical affection from me to him. None from him to me. I vowed never again. Because I often felt alone, abandoned, and desperate for touch.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 2:00pm
785: ruth says:

781
LG

I will move heaven and earth to avoid confrontation(unless its about a patient , but thats not me)

This isnt good

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 2:01pm
786: ruth says:

783 radlove
flipping good news!

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 2:02pm
787: Dominique says:

Yippee Radlove, great news.

xxoo

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 2:03pm
788: Laughing Goddess says:

Regarding Belle and Dominique, I think there is room for both views here and each is helpful in it’s own way.

How do y’all feel about that?

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 2:03pm
789: BAB says:

Stix, Yes thats exactly right. Im not meaning to “try” rather give him a little hello im here, i love to be snuggled too flag! for lack of better words. lol
The last time, my words were the only way of letting him know. I wasnt sure if i should just plop myself on his chest even tho we were laying side by side. Wasnt sure if that was initiating… Grrr sooo many questions!
I cant seem to stop telling myself its bad to want him to do things for me.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 2:05pm
790: Laughing Goddess says:

Ruth: It still feels weird and uncomfortable for me but I will say everything I am learning here is really helping. I’m starting to feel more confident and that feels great!

Sorry to hear you are feeling bummed about his response to your feeling messages.

I would feel more able to help if you could give some sort of example.

p.s. you’re awesome!

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 2:06pm
791: ruth says:

788
I feel uncomfortable with the conflict but that is seriously my issue
I feel good about having different views here
In theory anyway

Um, I deleted the last sentence as it was too over the top

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 2:07pm
792: ruth says:

790
yeah, I know LG

how the heck can you all comment/help if i dont share what I said
feel so intimidated though
Think I shall lurk for a bit and learn
hm, and try out the feeling mesages on others
hm, but i dont want to do that with patients

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 2:11pm
793: Femininewoman says:

Dominique I feel a bit responsible and sorry about how you feel in 774. However, I feel your strength and want to let you know I appreciate you and all you have been in my life.

Around everything else I am taking the high road. I will embrace the good opinions about me. Love is ll there is anyway.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 2:12pm
794: ruth says:

The blog is a bit like a caterpillar isnt it

It goes through a struggle and sheds a skin and moves on

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 2:13pm
795: Femininewoman says:

Dominique I feel a bit responsible and sorry about how you feel in 774. However, I feel your strength and want to let you know I appreciate you and all you have been in my life.

Around everything else I am taking the high road. I will embrace the good opinions about me. Love is ll there is anyway.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 2:13pm
796: Femininewoman says:

ruth I believe it is time to change your default from lurking.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 2:14pm
797: Radlove says:

Turquoise,

771 – Thanks for taking the time to explain that. I receive what you say, and I agree.

He does have a nice penis, tho.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 2:14pm
798: Radlove says:

LG,

775 – Thanks for your support.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 2:15pm
799: ruth says:

795
FW
I think I have already-no?

caused a few triggers last week

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 2:16pm
800: Radlove says:

Ruth,

793 – LOL!

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 2:17pm
801: Radlove says:

LG and Ruth,

792 – I like it when people post actual dialogue with their men. I learn plus it helps me understand the situation better plus it feels more interesting, albeit vulnerable.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 2:18pm
802: Tam says:

Ruth you could practice sharing with us before you share with your man – if that feels comfortable at some point.
I guess we don’t know much at all about your situation so it is difficult to help.
If you just want to lurk and observe, well if that feels better then why not.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 2:20pm
803: forest siren says:

I see you lg! ((((lg))))

Xo

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 2:20pm
804: ruth says:

80 yes radlove I agree but i am too much of a chicken
boc boc

PS Why isnt penis a moderation word when G*d is?

LOL

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 2:21pm
805: Daria says:

so ive been doing a lot of turn arounds since i was feeling kinda bad not to have heard from no name CD after i getting so close to him -sex- before i left, except once when he commented my status

and then i was feeling all worried i didnt respond warmly – i answered him and another man in the same comment

and i actually turned it around, put him on my horse, etc, did some EFT so whenever i think of him ill see myself on a pedestal…

i forgot about it and today i sign in and i have a message from him!

“Hey beautiful, if you can see my status, it was for you. I’m still thinking about you and missing you. I’m also wishing you get back soon so I can feel your love again. 823″

feels nice yay

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 2:22pm
806: Femininewoman says:

Smile regarding the kissing Daria has helped me to open up to doing it because it feels good in the moment. Preplanning it might have you fighting against yourself and too restrictive. It might be best to see how you feel should he go there. maybe even ask him to wait a minute so you can check in with yourself. Remember it is all about your pleasure in his presence. It could actually turn out into something playful that could create the bonding you desire. Relax, enjoy.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 2:22pm
807: Femininewoman says:

Ruth you have.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 2:24pm
808: Daria says:

his status is “Lol sound like you having fun with out me love. if so hurry back, and I got your cake waiting in you ”

lol i feel confused about the cake comment… another women ‘liked’ his status… hmmm i feel all suspicious that is for another woman and then he got all paranoid that id see it and drop him

if so, well he put some effort in to make sure that didnt happen

lol

im jsut gonna choose to take him at face value, im safe with my feelings

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 2:25pm
809: MissStix says:

BAB 789

Oh yeah! Been there! I feel curious, how long have you been together? I missed it if you already posted…

Short answer is yes. It is ok to lay your head on his chest. In fact, do it!!!

My suggestion to you is start very small (what I did) and work your way into it. Because it feels SUPER awkward and even a bit scary at first. Like “omg is this too much? does he want me to do this? am I being needy? Will he reject this? Could I handle that? etc etc”. Fears and negative voices.

So maybe…The next time you are gonna snuggle or sleep or whatever:

Lay your head on his chest, and put your hand on his heart area. Really nuzzle in, and then go…”mmmmm” or “Mmmm that’s nice”.

Or

Put your head in his lap and do the same thing “mmmmm”.

If you’re feeling bold you could say “oh, you know what would feel amazing? Could you play with my hair?”

But only keep it to what you’re comfy with. Baby steps!

The idea is to get you and him both used to you gaining comfort from his touch. I promise, he won’t reject you. If you take it slow it won’t be too too scary. Eventually he will initiate. Then, relax and enjoy!

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 2:25pm
810: forest siren says:

That’s great Radlove!

Ruth take your time you are doing great!

FW I too appreciate your perspective. It’s very different from how I express myself and seems harsh to my ears but it’s often wise and helpful.

(((sirens)))

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 2:26pm
811: Daria says:

oh i just realized thats the ONLY status hes EVER posted on that site

so it probably is for me how cute

look at my working hard mind tryna run circles around men… i don’t need to anymore

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 2:26pm
812: ruth says:

810

hey daria
glad facebook is good for you

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 2:30pm
813: Daria says:

also my photographer has now started stepping up, and what feels amusing to me is him and no name Cd look similar and have a similar way about them so i kinda get the same energy when i think of either lol

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 2:30pm
814: Daria says:

thanks ruth. its not facebook its a site that has a similar format called tagged

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 2:31pm
815: BAB says:

Stix.
We have been together for 5 years, so its not so much that im uncomfortable doing it, because we have always snuggled together from the start, quite a lot actually.
But recently after going through somethings it has felt a less then normal, so i am trying to back off giving him the room to pursue me again!
And so that’s where all my insecurities about if im initiating too much, and am damaging all the hard work iv put in. Or if its completely acceptable to just go for it even if he hasn’t initiated at that every moment. ??

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 2:31pm
816: Jessica says:

Hi Rori,

I bought how to reconnect your relationship but it’s not working out for me.
I’ve been with my boyfriend 3.5 years and I feel like I’m the only one working
on things. He’s selfish and set in his was. He doesn’t care bout my feelings or whats important to me. I’m sad all the time cause sometimes I feel like he don’t even love me. He says I’m his world and wouldn’t no what to do with out me but I sometimes don’t feel he’s true. I was married before at the age of 16 and I was married for 6 years then walked in on my ex husband with another woman which hurt me so much. At that time we had a new baby so it was hard. Well now I’m dating this guy of 3.5 years and I don’t no what to think any more. I’ve had 2 men my whole life and I am a beautiful young woman and I do everything cook clean take care of all his needs but he don’t do the same for me. He’s a great guy but now the sex is awful . I dress up for him in sexy clothes and he says he’s tired or not in the mood so I get turned down a lot. Now when we try to have sex he don’t even get hard and that kills my confidence. He says it’s cause he has a lot in his mind and it’s not me. I don’t think he’s cheating . I tried to tell him what about my needs and what’s important to me but he says he don’t care bout making love to me and he said he had so much pussy his whole like that he can careless. And then we do four play but lately he don’t do nothing to me I do for him but he still don’t get hard. I’ve cried so much I’m 26 and he’s 32 and I told him this isn’t normally and he said it is for him. He said when he’s stress he don’t work down there. I don’t no what else to do please give me advise I’m lost with this and I don’t even no if I should stay with him but I love him so much I just wish he wasn’t so selfish and she what he’s doing to me emotionally .
Bella lee

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 2:31pm
817: Turquoise says:

Wow… Radlove, I’m guessing that was meant as humorous, but feels like if that’s a deciding factor to keep you in this situation, that you really don’t get this.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 2:34pm
818: MissStix says:

I have always been more comfy with tiny steps and little bites and observing his reactions and working with it.

G’s reaction to the first time I layed my head on his lap and nuzzled in, he just started to play with my hair on his own. So I mmm’d and said “that’s nice”. Then I just did it more and more until it was all natural.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 2:34pm
819: Radlove says:

Ruth and Dominique,

Thanks!

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 2:35pm
820: Radlove says:

Ruth,

803 – I thought you were a silly cow! LOL!

I think it’s funny, too, that penis and shit and I think damn are not moderated but Je/sus is.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 2:36pm
821: ruth says:

Tonight radlove
I am a mardy cow

This will pass

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 2:38pm
822: Femininewoman says:

Laughing Goddess I guess I am the only one on the blog whose has passive/aggressiveness as a blindspot. Every time I see that term I truly wonder what the he!ck it is.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 2:38pm
823: MissStix says:

BAB

ahhh ok. Maybe my suggestions don’t apply…Hmmm

I did not work it out with my very long term man (ex-husband) so I may not be the right person to help.

G and I were just starting out through all of that so it’s definitely a different scenario. I hope another siren chimes in because I don’t know what to say!

However, I don’t believe my suggestions would be harmful to your progress in any way! It could be worth a try just to see how he responds to you…

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 2:39pm
824: Turquoise says:

Crap… Was feeling all fired up at Mr. C and done with this, when it hit me what I said that probably caused this. When I was leaving yesterday, I said be good. To which he got defensive and asked why people tell him that. It’s habit, when C was in one of those moods… I’d say it to him too. Not that I felt he’d go do some awful thing, but that he spends a lot of energy fighting with his ex to make her see where she is wrong, and it doesn’t seem up get him anywhere. Do I apologize for that comment? Do I explain? Or do I expect that a friend has a conversation with you eater than just walking away? I’m really triggered now, and have a date in 45 min!

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 2:45pm
825: MissStix says:

Oh oh!

One thing I just remembered! Advice from rori from so long ago…

When you are laying in bed and feeling weird or tense or you just want him to come to you…Lay back and close your eyes. Rest your hands palm up and just breathe. Sink into your feelings and show them love. Show yourself the love and affection you need and something magical happens, he will come to you.

It is far from word for word (from a long ago memory) but I remember it worked!

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 2:45pm
826: Radlove says:

Turquoise,

815 – totally joking! I just say off the wall stuff sometimes to make myself laugh and lighten my heart. I’m not that shallow at all.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 2:45pm
827: Laughing Goddess says:

FW: I wouldn’t say you are the only one on the blog. I’m sure I have come across as passive aggressive too at times.

And maybe it’s not intentional.

Are you being serious when you say that you wonder what the term really means? I feel curious to hear more about that.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 2:46pm
828: Siren Angel says:

Dominique, Thank you!

Yes, I just turned 43, spot on! I did not know you could peri-menopause.

I have also been loosing a lot of hair. Can this be related?

I will start with the red clover infusion and work the way down the list.

Many many thanks! I had asked at a big health food store here, and they had no idea what to recommend. I felt lost.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 2:47pm
829: Radlove says:

Turquoise,

822 – I would totally not mention you saying “be good”. He’ll get over it far faster that way.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 2:48pm
830: Radlove says:

Ruth,

819 – LOLOLOLOL! Tonight, I’m a bull in china cabinet!

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 2:50pm
831: Laughing Goddess says:

Turquoise:

You don’t need to figure it all out right now. Just have fun tonight.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 2:51pm
832: Femininewoman says:

I am serious LG as I have researched it. It seems like the tendencies show up in a lot of the comments on here but nobody owns it. The finger is always pointed at someone else.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 2:54pm
833: Jessica says:

Sorry to come out the way I did. Rori told me about this site and said it would be helpful. I just don’t no what to do these days. It’s getting harder and harder and the more I ask of him the more he’s turned of by me. And I don’t tell no one nothing im going threw. I tried to talk to one of my friends but she laughed at me and said I must of been joking . I’m a pretty young woman And I think that’s why she didn’t believe that a man would turn me down. But it’s not about looks its more then that and I see that now. So any advice I’ll take thank u ladies:-)

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 2:56pm
834: forest siren says:

Daria when you get a minute where is a good place to start with eft … Not just for Lyme but with eft in general.

Turquoise I would love Rori to do a post on this kindof thing …. Kindof like stop preaching cos I do it too …. Sort of like helping him to see the other persons side. Yes it’s advice giving but its more than that its like I’m the moral compass of the relationship … I think we have probably learned stuff in therapy and on sites like this etc but I don’t to be teaching that stuff

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 2:58pm
835: Daria says:

Radlove – “I was just thinking about how I could make housework a fun activity. Because I hate it. It was full of yelling and all sorts of negativity growing up. I want to feel good when I do housework.”

me too. the tool Rori wrote about about sneaking up and stealth into doing what would feel good and we have NVs about inspired me

i sat with myself and listened to my voices and talked to my girl…

i came up with a GAME! and it WORKED!

the game was to take the time pressure off (notice most of my voices was about this, getting me into an urgent efficiency perfection frenzy, and about doing it right)

my game was called Organzie the Room at first, but its really Change the Room.

Anything can be changed. it does NOT have to be grown up and responsible. It can just be moving one pillow to teh other side of the bed. or switching two cups around.

each time i go into a room, or pass through it, even if im going to use the bathroom, the game is to change something.

i wind up making really pretty arrangements this way

its started to feel SO FUN to do this housework now.

as we speak my clothes are folded nicely on the chair

i TOTALLY avoided the NVS. this is a lil girl’s game and has NOTHING to do with grown up have tos

i can make it messier if i want to and its just great

its exciting for my lil girl to walk in the room and think up whta to change, and know theres no pressure to continue or make it a certain way

my creativity is really spotlighted ina way that wouldnt have been accessible if i just forced myself through it

oh and my enthusiasm goes more and more giddy the more i play

i want to think up a similar NV avoiding game for other things, such as writing an article, book,

movement/exercise,

and cooking,

and… doing my fashion design and art projects

these are all activities i get so hugely yelled at by NVs that i mostly just think about rather than do them

(((Daria)))

i wonder if this make up a game – a game lil girl wants to play – (ask her… i got no’s from her on some of my suggestions which were just manipulations to make her do it the grown up way… and i DIDNT push. thats whats special about my game, she actually WANTED to play it, i know cuz she got to say no to whatever she didnt want. and i woulda left the room the way it was and not continued housework if none of the games i thought up were fun for her. she knew i was for real about respecting her wishes)

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 3:00pm
836: Daria says:

forest siren – one place is to go on youtube and google

beginning EFT and learn the basic points

then google issues you’re interested in tapping on. some videos feel interesting to me, some less so

really one can make up the words themselves, theres lots of ways to do it

http://www.emofree.com has lots of articles too

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 3:03pm
837: Daria says:

i do passive agressive stuff when i get kinda attitudy with my tone, sighing and also avoiding direct eye contact, kinda withdrawing emotionally –

also witholding something ive been asked to do when i feel pushed

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 3:07pm
838: Daria says:

i had an awesome article on passive agressiveness cuz i didnt know either, and rori asked to use it and she was gonna turn it into a post

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 3:08pm
839: Daria says:

its kinda like, im not gonna do this for you cuz i feel pist off

im not gonna hand you the glass of milk cuz im mad, and if i am gonna hand u the glass of milk im gonna act all annoyed about it

thats one way

or i pretend not to hear u asking for the glass of milk

or im like making mean comments and sarcastic comments cuz im mad

also shaming cuz im mad something triggered me

hmm i just realized i felt compelled to write all this to prove that i am owning up to my passive agressive tendencies at least sometimes

what i felt was suprised and maybe not seen

also excited for an opportunity to be seen

theres more to be aware of with myself here

hmmm

i felt safe

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 3:11pm
840: Laughing Goddess says:

FW: Did it feel ick to you when I said that?

Maybe passive aggressive wasn’t the best word(s).

For me, you do have a blunt style that can come across as harsh even though I do generally agree with your perspective.

I think it can seem even more harsh when it’s not said directly to the person.

I don’t want to criticize you or make you wrong. I did feel uncomfortable about your comment though and I’m trying to find a way to express that without being (passive) aggressive myself.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 3:13pm
841: Radlove says:

(((Jessica)))

816 – This sounds really unhealthy. You are doing more than your share, and that will not inspire him to do things for you. What if you stop cooking and cleaning and DOING…and just lay back and read a book for a day?

Or what if you separate from him for a while by staying with a friend temporarily? It isn’t about doing more. It’s about doing less.

It sounds like he’s totally taking you for granted. Let him see what life is like without you.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 3:15pm
842: Radlove says:

Daria,

835 – Oh, that is just BEAUTIFUL!!! I love it!!!!!!! Thank you so much for sharing!!!!!! Hugs to you AND your lil girl!

I’m going swimming, and then I’m going to play “Change the Room”!

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 3:19pm
843: ruth says:

809 forest siren thanks

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 3:22pm
844: Femininewoman says:

Daria I love you so much. I feel ssen connected deely moved and touched in my heart of hearts by your words and actions.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 3:26pm
845: Siren Angel says:

Turquoise,

“Ouch. Ok.” Is total genius! You did amazingly well, so simply.

I am sure he will come around. He seems to be sulking right now. Does he have constant ups & downs?

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 3:28pm
846: Femininewoman says:

Maybe I did LG but I know your intentions so I justwant to embrace them as coming from a friend wih love.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 3:30pm
847: Senara says:

213 FW

I really enjoyed what you shared about the food. I see it that way too.

Thank you.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 3:33pm
848: ruth says:

825 Miss stix, thats a Yoga pose

A great many of roris tools overlap with Yoga

mmmmm
need to get back to that and stop flipping well just talking about it
it does not sit well with running but I will make that work
Just run and all feels less awful

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 3:34pm
849: Senara says:

576 Daria

Thank you, that feels nice to hear!

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 3:34pm
850: Jessica says:

Thanks Radlove, I’ve tried not doing anything for him or even put him first and it kinda worked a little. But it took over a month and didn’t last. Today I told him in not being all in no more. And I told him I’m pushing back and he said he don’t care. I asked him again to make love this am he said no he’s not in the mood. I asked him last night to take a shower with me he said he don’t feel like it cause he gets cold if he’s not in the water the whole time . I then got MAD and said well why is it that your never in the mood to have sex with me and he said he’s stressed money reasons but he makes way more money then me and I go half on everything. And I said we are not rich and money is always going to be an issue but there are people who have it way off the. Us. And he got mad and started to say mean things like I’ll have sex with u when I feel like it and he then said he don’t care bout sex no more and I said well what about my needs and what’s imporant to me and he said fu** your needs . He told me to find another hobby and get off his dick and stop asking him for sex and stop sweating him etc. I’m hurt cause I feel so ugly and not good enough I don’t feel love and this may sound bad but the more he pushes me away it’s like I do more to get him to love me and realize how great I am. I’m so lost and I will try pulling back again. Thanks ladies

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 3:36pm
851: Jessica says:

By the way how do u get your picture up here. I have a flower but I see some pics.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 3:37pm
852: Heart says:

#435 Baby Steps – I’m experiencing that now.
I sent a FM to a guy I’m seeing and Experiencing the same thing. I have still Not heard back from CudG.

Sirens – could someone shed a little light on Babysteps most. It would be Most helpful.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 3:40pm
853: Senara says:

481 Heart

Ooooh, I love that!

I see myself wearing this beautiful white Native leather dress that I’ve seen once (it’s a wedding dress too) and there is a big, shining star in the box!

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 3:41pm
854: Daria says:

Passive aggressive – ok I really want to work on believing other women I don’t know love me and want me to succeed w men

Instead I’m used to notice wen women look over me, act ‘funny’. Maybe even bump me or stand in my space like I’m not there.

I usually handle this by taking a stance and ignoring them with a hard ‘ women aren worth my warrior time’ attitude

I want to shift this where I don’t notice this anymore and also I feel safe expressing myself

I’m scared I’m gonna beat some women up in the process of practicing expressing myself if I let go of my armor and hardness I might explode

Maybe not tho I’m willing to practice and I know me and I’m non violent and I can do this I trust me

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 3:41pm
855: Siren Angel says:

Sirens,

Today I went to see my energy healer. When he started massaging and healing my shoulders and upper back, I felt sooo much pain and I felt all the ‘draining’ of liquid and I started to literally BAWL out. I feel scared that even though I am crying my heart out every morning and a few times a day, there is still so much stuck emotion in my body.

I want to honor my body and keep it healthy beautiful and safe with gentle care.

Then, I imagined washing myself, flushing him out, with all my tears and I found some peace in my heart.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 3:43pm
856: Heart says:

#835 – Daria – I’m going to try that game. I’ll let you know how it goes.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 3:44pm
857: Daria says:

Awww ((((((Femininewoman)))))) I feel so loved that feels so good wow thank u

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 3:44pm
858: Daria says:

Femininewoman loves me! Yayyy! That feels so fuchkin good !

Lol @ fuchkin lol

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 3:46pm
859: Laughing Goddess says:

FW: 846

Really that’s what it was (for me) and also my desire to be authentic.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 3:46pm
860: Daria says:

Heart – yay! Yes yum I’d love to hear

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 3:47pm
861: Laughing Goddess says:

or radically honest

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 3:47pm
862: Daria says:

Radlove – yay I feel seen and curious

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 3:48pm
863: Annie says:

609: Daria says:

“Ruth – Rori says its great when his anger starts coming at us. It means that things are finally healing. She says to facilitate his anger when that happens, without tolerating what we can’t handle.

Dominique can help I’m sure.”

This has happened in some of my relationships with people since I have changed what I do.
It feel bloooooody awful, very attacking sometimes until I remind myself that their judgments have nothing to do with me.

What about if they are so angry though and start expressing that anger violently especially when they didn’t do this previously?

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 3:49pm
864: Heart says:

#855 SA – you seem to be doing fine. All that’s normal after a break up…

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 3:49pm
865: Siren Angel says:

Tereana,

I feel curious. You met this guy last Thursday night and he says he is already committed to you? What do you know about his life?

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 3:50pm
866: Senara says:

I like to think that I am complete in myself and that my man doesn’t complete me; rather, he makes me feel bigger and I want to grow even more with him.

I like to think that we are alright by ourselves, but better when we are together.

Everything is good, smooth and peaceful.

Happiness rains down on me
I experience bliss and an exquisite
Sense of lightness.
All is well in my world.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 3:55pm
867: Heart says:

#543 Senara – Thank you! I feel a warm honey feeling in my chest. The dress ( and star) sounds beautiful.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 3:56pm
868: luzydel says:

I need sireny advise…

D contacted me as usual, saying how much he wants me and how much he misses being with me; He and I have the best sexual connection ever, he honors my body and I can be my totally feminine self while he can be his totally masculine self, he is strong masculine but so gentle that I trust him sexually; however I feel like I cannot get to his heart, even though sometimes I feel he is getting close, suddenly I see him hiding in a shell, and then reappearing when he “cools of” his ‘crazyness’ for me.

I don’t know if subconsciously I am not letting him in, or if he is just a “lost case” of an emotional unavailable man. He is a good experiment, but his way of treating me sexually, is getting me attached and I don’t want that. He honors my body like no man has, and as enjoyable as it is, it is also scary, because it leaves me wanting his heart as well. I feel afraid of showing my vulnerable side to him.

am I the one creating the distance? or am I delusional thinking this man has possibility?

How to be that feminine, vulnerable woman outside the bedroom?

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 3:58pm
869: Siren Angel says:

Trying to make a Gravatar

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 3:58pm
870: Daria says:

Ok ant fighting women. Keep it real I’m actually scared I will be attacked

I probably have a trauma somewhere way back

And I feel my energy rise and it feels good to bring up thoughts of me beating Them up

It covers heartbreak and shock that I’m being attacked

And powerlessness and humiliation

I want to feel powerful and honored/proud

Without beating up the attackers

I’m not sure how to do that yet.

I know the way is feeling messages and don’t wants in the moment.

I’m willing to babystep.

Ex.

In my head ‘this woman is purposefully acting like I’m not here, turning her back to me and crowding me out and hitting my head w her elbow. I’m gonna ground my energy hard and stiffen up’

Translate to feminine energy

Oh no, I feel so horrible standing here getting hit and hidden. I don’t want to be here. I feel unseen and unsafe.

Passive aggressive response – mom style – excuse me, I’m here and I feel crowded out, do you mind moving over a bit thAnks

Total fem energy response – leave and relocate

What if it’s in a bathroom line.

Oh wow that’s SO triggering for me I am having a hard time looking at it just to write

I would feel so furious and humiliated

I’d either do my stance or snap and be like, scuze me I’m here

Fem energy – how can I shift this to all love,

Ohh I see you’re ignoring me and I know it six to be jealous cuz I’m so pretty and I don’t want to feel left out and discounted

That sux

Bitdch I’ll kill u.

Ok start over

I obsess about scenarios like this ALL THE TIME! It feels like a huge step to write about this

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 3:58pm
871: Memulo says:

I feel so scared that this will be a turning point between us. That something bad happened, it was a wrong move and neither of us will be able to overcome it. That it’s my fault to want to get something out of him that he doesn’t feel for me. And his fault for not showing more that he cares. My fault for overloading him with my problems. His fault for distancing himself. I feel awful.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 4:01pm
872: Annie says:

Dominique.

I feel triggered when I read ” I feel sorry that you feel that way when referring the when someone is expressing how they feel.

When anyone says this to me after I have has expressed a feeling I feel even worse and want to really attack and hurt them. I then feel anger on top of what I was feeling. It feels so condescending to me.
I equate it with eye rolling it feels the same to me.

I have no problem if someone says I feel sad you feel that way but I feel sorry you feel that way sends me.
It is usually said to me when I expressing my feelings of sadness or disappointment when someone has not done something they promised to do. And I feel positive they do this to me to divert from their accountability and do their best to make me go away and be quiet about it.

My usually response now is I don’t want anyone to ever feel sorry for my feelings thank you very much. Which does make me feel better than what I used to do which was either withdraw or verbally attack.
I was the queen of verbally lashing out on one time,

I feel emotionally manipulated when someone says this like they are trying to shut me down.

It would feel good to hear your take on this if you have any thoughts around this.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 4:03pm
873: Memulo says:

SA,

Beautiful picture and you sound so beautiful and sensual too. Despite all the sadness..

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 4:03pm
874: Memulo says:

#845 – I second that, Turquoise. It is really genius.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 4:04pm
875: forest siren says:

(((siren angel))) it feels good to hear that you want to take gentle loving care of your body. I was told that tears are healing. Which is a good thing cos I can’t stop crying these days. At everything! Morning noon and night. I miss Lionman so much. Even tho he is there kinda but I think I miss him cos I can’t go back and I still don’t know if he can move forward.

Anyway I was thinking of you this morning. I feel raw in the mornings too and if I stay in my head too long it’s not a good thing! I have these Abraham cards and I keep them in the bathroom so while I’m brushing my teeth or whatever I read one and they can help change my thinking. Today’s one is only I know what’s best for me …. Sometimes I don’t know what’s best for me but I do know I am where I’m meant to be or some reason!

I’m listening to the Bach station on pandora radio oh it’s soooo soothing and comforting and relaxing

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 4:05pm
876: Daria says:

Annie – when the anger starts coming out. It’s good. It may be repressed for awhile and totally spew.

We want to welcome the anger, but not tolerate anything that feels bad.

I’m baby stepping… Almost there!

The response is ‘I want to be here for your anger and be able to talk about this that upsets u. But I can’t handle this/being blamed/talked to this way/feeling so overwhelmed. I feel open to talk about this later more calmly’

Then exit stage left!

I still haven’t gotten the presence to say it when I’ve gotten raged at. Babysteps. I have all the time in the world.

I feel guilty that I’m not there in person for my godchildren cuz I don’t have my boundaries yet w their mom.’

I have all the time in the world. I choose this belief. I hear you screaming Nvs. Love you, and it’s true we have a the time in the wirld.

In here for you ehike you feel desparte, i hear you and i love you. What if it’s true we have all the time in the world?

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 4:06pm
877: Laughing Goddess says:

omg Ruth, I just saw that you wrote ‘Thank Dog’. That gave me a huge laugh.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 4:08pm
878: Annie says:

Radlove “that syndrome” Stockhome syndrome.

When I read that you believe you love R to me it didn’t feel like love from what you have written and Stockhome syndrome came to mind.

If this resonates with you which you have brought up I feel curious on how people recover and heal from this.
Does anyone know?

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 4:08pm
879: forest siren says:

Thank you Daria ((( Daria)))

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 4:09pm
880: Memulo says:

#839 Daria,

Yes, I loved that too

I don’t know, on one hand I want to improve myself to get to this level of awareness, on the other hand I see an example of his ex who behaved in the worst possible way and still got a lot more attention and care than I am getting. She didn’t strive for personal growth But he did a lot of things for her, out of love or fear of rejection, I don’t know, but he did and for many years.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 4:10pm
881: Daria says:

i feel all shaky and obsessive now after having brought up the imaginary bathroom line being ignored scenario

theres a trauma w being humiliated

i dont have to look at it, i dont know what it is

i cant really handle this

the babystep is done, ive done some healing, i dont want to look at this anymore

i feel obsessed with looking at this

i want to find my treasure!

there is huge treasure in this!

huge safety for me!

i want it!

im willing to feel it to get to my healing and heal my lil girl

i feel nauseaus!

i feel powerless and im being dragged across the room by my hair

im totally ehre for me while im feeling these icky and scary emotions

its toally ok to feel nauseaus

its ok to throw up! its ok to feel nasueaus and not throw up and have it feel nauseaus some more

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 4:13pm
882: luzydel says:

I feel like a car throwing up a hair ball I admitted to feel fearful of vulnerability…

I feel relieved…

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 4:14pm
883: luzydel says:

I meant a cat

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 4:16pm
884: Daria says:

my mom bullied me and treated me this way

she didnt mean to though, that was her unconscious stuff coming up

my mom can be So loving

i can heal this for myself

i feel overwhelmed

i want this to be over and healed already, i feel desperate and uncomfortable and dont want to deal with this

i feel triggered

i feel angry

i feel passive agressive annoyed

i feel terrified?

i feel …

blank

i feel more blank and sad

i feel that sad disassociated feeling

i want to heal this

i feel nauseaus

i love my nauseaus feeling

and htat feels like

some jerking

i love my jerking adn that feels like

squeezing in my solar plexus

i love my squeeizng in my solar plexus

and that feels like

sigh

i love my sigh and that feels like

yawn

i love my ywan and that feels like

fear

i love my fear and that feels like

sleepiness

i love my sleepiness and that feels like

yawn

i love my yawn and that feels like

smile

i love my smile and that feels like

giggle

i love my giglle

thne i channel

like now im gonna go look on facebok for cool articles

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 4:18pm
885: Femininewoman says:

I genuinely meant that Daria

LG I pondered your question while on the train and realized the answer was yes even as my eyes filled with tears. I checked out my actions and again I realized I had walked to Whole Foods in the rain to soothe the feelings. I caught myslf early enough to break the pattern of soothing what I experienced as rejection with food. Thanks for asking. I believe it was a lesson in how men feel when misunderstood.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 4:32pm
886: Memulo says:

Should I lean back?

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 4:35pm
887: Turquoise says:

Thanks sirens. I’m going to try and put this aside, have a good time tonight, and enjoy myself.

The truth of it is…. If Mr. C. And I have a chance at something more, probably not good to be this close now. I’m falling so far into the friend category, might not ever get out. Plus, he’s a proud, strong man who has been through a lot in life and overcome it all. He doesn’t need me to save him. He’ll be ok.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 4:37pm
888: Siren Angel says:

Memulo @880,

Please don’t less this trigger you. But maybe his ex was just really good at being vulnerable. And maybe she really really was when she first entered the country.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 4:37pm
889: Femininewoman says:

Annie Rori wrote an article where she mentions the Stockholm Syndrome. I have reposted it more than once.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 4:39pm
890: Memulo says:

SA,

Yes.. I don’t know what to tell you. She has been blaming him all the time, non-stop. But in a very emotional way. Even now she writes – how can you be so cruel. Then she says f word;)

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 4:42pm
891: Memulo says:

SA,

I was crying last night on the phone, but in general I am a nice girl, I am collected, smiley and loving. Someone to pass by for sure.

He said he’d call me today, but I know he forgot it the minute he said it. I have too many problems right now, not a pleasant company.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 4:45pm
892: Memulo says:

#887 Turquoise,

Very wise. Enjoy your evening.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 4:47pm
893: Femininewoman says:

Luzydel have you tried the unzippered heart tool radiating love while in his presence?

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 4:47pm
894: Memulo says:

This was the first time in 7 months that I was crying.

I think the more he feels that I want to be with him, that I am not challenging him every minute, he notices me less.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 4:48pm
895: Femininewoman says:

Siren Angel for the first time I feel inspired to do that kind of energy healing.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 4:51pm
896: Laughing Goddess says:

FW:

Oh gosh, I feel so triggered by the word ‘misunderstood’ in general. I feel made wrong when it’s used in relation to something I’ve said or done. I question why it is me that made the mistake in understanding and not the other person’s responsibility to communicate better? This is something that has been on my mind recently and I feel amused and ….can’t find the word…so I’ll just say triggered…hearing you mention being misunderstood.

I do appreciate your feedback and I do feel sad that I may have contributed to your tears or feeling rejected.

Maybe just saying “I felt uncomfortable with your comment” would have been enough.

I dunno, I feel a little confused and unsure.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 4:52pm
897: forest siren says:

(((feminine woman)))

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 4:55pm
898: Daria says:

Memulo – hmm this brings up some stuff for me like i realize i judge my sister as not being conscious or into personal growth … and thats not true! about anyone!

somehow my intuition says that

also, personal growth is… PERSONAL! its so i can get more pleasure out of life

i want to get treated like a Queen AND be able to enjoy it

not just get treated like a Queen and create my own hell out of it

so if what’s missing is getting treated like a Queen, i can take, some lil stealthy babysteps towards treating myself that way, which automaticaly raises the bar for everyone around me

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 4:56pm
899: Memulo says:

Problems are not attractive. I was the only fool who stuck with him despite his problems, He is way smarter

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 4:58pm
900: Siren Angel says:

Forest Siren @875,

((((Forest Siren))) I feel for you and your pain and your tears. You seem very good at taking care of yourself with so many different things (music, Abraham cards)… It feels very sensible and feminine.

I have yoga to take care of me and choose yummy healthy foods and drinks. And I try to do the tools and focus on good happy thoughts. Energy work is a rare occasion these days.

The emotions overwhelm me as soon as I open my eyes and I start crying almost the very second I wake up and have already woken up crying. I feel at this point I terribly miss sleeping in his arms and I am having trouble sleeping alone in my bed.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 5:00pm
901: Memulo says:

Thank you Daria, that felt so reassuring and supportive!

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 5:01pm
902: Memulo says:

SA,

He feels the same way, he misses you. But now he has to come to the conclusion to act on it. Give him time to process.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 5:02pm
903: Siren Angel says:

FW @895,

I feel happy and proud I inspired you!

My energy healer has a rare gift and you can feel a strong vibration upon his touch. He starts with massage in the feet and legs to drain them, then the back and arms and finally the head. I have read some ‘energy healers’ use small electrical devices in the palm of their hands to fool you, so if you look for an energy healer, be sure to get referrals and ask around in your area.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 5:05pm
904: Siren Angel says:

FW @895,

Also, you can feel the draining of liquid in the back. He pushes up. Then finishes with the neck and the head. The he surrounds the crown of your head with both hands and uses strong vibration to release everything upwards out of your body. It’s quite impressive the first times!

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 5:08pm
905: Emerson says:

Sirens I need advice !!!
I’m flirty texting with textCD and do u think it’s ok to say ” It feels fun talking to you,I feel curious to know more about you”….
Is that masculine? I want to move off texts and do real life

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 5:14pm
906: Siren Angel says:

(((((Memulo)))) Sending love and good thoughts to you.

I am sure he is simply overwhelmed right now with his own situation. Try to lean back and enjoy this time on the blog and the time you have for you. See it as time to ressource and recharge.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 5:14pm
907: Daria says:

(((((Feminine Woman))))))

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 5:15pm
908: Memulo says:

I really thought I meant something to him. I thought he’d be protective of me, he’d treat me as his girl. Instead it feels like he is running when I told him I am in trouble. Maybe I should ask him that – am I not hearing from you because I am in trouble?

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 5:15pm
909: Daria says:

Siren Angel – WOW! i want that kinda massage too

shoot it would feel wonderful for my man to have skills like that

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 5:16pm
910: Daria says:

i met one who did once. i was like WAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME! he barely touched me and this energy flowed all through me

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 5:17pm
911: Memulo says:

Emerson,

I wouldn’t. It feels like his line. Plus I never compliment first, I only thank him when I hear a compliment.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 5:17pm
912: Daria says:

Emerson – “i’m feeling comfortable w u, texting is feeling tiring a bit… id feel open to talk on the phone if u want to call me ”

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 5:19pm
913: Emerson says:

908 memulo this is what recycled did to me as well. His drama = always way more important than helping me… He did come thru for me one time but it was still plenty other times he did not…
911 thanks for your feedback

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 5:21pm
914: Emerson says:

Thanks Daria ! I’m trying to let him know I’m a warm invitation cuz I think I was feeling scared and I was pushing away…. Now I want to see what happens and remain open. I don’t even wnt to talk on the phone I actually want to see him!!

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 5:24pm
915: Memulo says:

Frankly, I would stop at

“i’m feeling comfortable w u, texting is feeling tiring a bit”

But I usually apply a lot of patience and just waiti for them to get this idea. They almost always do. No hint feels much better than a hint.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 5:24pm
916: Siren Angel says:

Wow! It takes me hours to catch up on the blog since this morning. I feel a little light headed.

Radlove,

This will shock you. I have to admit I felt triggered last night to the point that I came off the blog in frustration (because I care for you) when I saw your last text sequence.

I wish you the strength to hold your boundaries and the vastness of soul to absorb all the wisdom shared with you here.

I know you are a deep, compassionate soul. I fear that R is feeding on this like a vulture who knows that yet his prey will walk back to him no matter how many bites he takes. I see how he plays it. Can you see it in yourself to gather all the love you have for him and work for a better outcome, no matter if you are with him or not, using the tools the Rori way, to find some peace in your exchanges with him, no matter weather you are ‘with’ him ‘romantically’ or not? Can you turn that love into compassion for yourself and the relationship through hard work at shifting your reactions to a NEW normal?

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 5:26pm
917: Memulo says:

I did talk to a lawyer and was told they can’t throw me out, even if they threaten to do it. Plus I still pay rent. I really feel that I overloaded him with my problems.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 5:28pm
918: Laughing Goddess says:

FW: I feel a desire to make myself more clear.

I’ve just been thinking about the word ‘misunderstood’ lately as I’ve had a few triggering situations around it recently and I felt amused to hear you mention it as it seems to be showing up a lot lately in my experience.

I look forward to getting more clear with my relationship with this word and what it signifies.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 5:28pm
919: Emerson says:

Thanks memulo

Well I told him in the past that I feel open to be his friend even tho I do “like” him because I know him from work and I was feeling hesitant to open up but now we no longer work together so I’m trying to undo the friend speech….

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 5:29pm
920: Femininewoman says:

LG misunderstood as in relation to my passive aggressive blindspot. I believe if you had any idea of it being a blindspot knowing you, you might have addressed it differently.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 5:30pm
921: Daria says:

Memulo – i see it as if u I drama (ask him that q) to be divalike, it will not work now except to get into drama

I want to outgirl everyone, be emotional, without drama

that means right now super take care of me like the queen I am and get taken out by men! (but dont attack him) I am a super desirable woman

then when he contacts, I will know how to be emotional… say – how I feel right then as much or as little as i want (Im feeling lovely today… or… oh, u know i felt kinda ‘off’ last time we talked… ) and I’ll be way more clear in my feelings and JUST HOW HIGH STATUS I AM when I’ve been being taken out by men who are showing up right Now, in person

for me. that’s right multiple men want me, and i don’t really have to worry about this past guy not having shown up

I wont need drama to feel like I’m on a pedestal and get catered to. It’s what i do

and if i feel angry at him, ill be more clear and it will be easier for me to just say “next!” or else soften and share that ‘i felt upset and second best… and that made me feel turned off’

however i feel

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 5:30pm
922: Siren Angel says:

Daria,

This healer actually has a crush on me and has for the last year. Unfortunately, I had to stop seeing him at some point because I was afraid he was playing with my head. But I know a lot of his female clients DREAM of being intimate with him. Personally, I do not, because I am so invested in M. I have a very ‘loyal’ streak, which makes CDing so challenging for me.
But I do use FMs with him, like with most men I interact with.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 5:31pm
923: Tereana says:

Siren Angel – yes, in a nutshell. I know a little bit about his life, actually. He’s shared quite a bit.

I’ll tell you, one of the main reasons that I even decided he’d be worth giving my information to was that, on the train, he was telling me about his baby ducks and chickens and how much he loves them. The man clearly loves animals of all kinds. And he is deeply compassionate, by nature. That I can tell. When he told me about how his sister died recently, I saw a tear going down his cheek, even though his voice never broke.

Someone who can be that emotional and vulnerable with me can’t be too bad, I don’t think.

And when we spent time together this weekend, he kept saying how good he felt with me.

Of course I know it is very soon. But also, if this is really what I want, why should I say no? Why should I resist what is right in front of me? It might not “look” like what I want – but it might actually BE what I want. But I don’t know 100% yet.

And that is why it is on a “trial basis.” Nobody is “committed” to anyone right now.

What is evident, and we’ve both talked about this, is that we are committed to the PROCESS. That is the most important thing.

Of course, it remains to be seen if this is actual and real, or if he is simply speaking about the right kinds of things. Time is the only thing that makes a relationship a relationship. You can’t have it all at once, and believe me, I’ve been slowing him down, or he’d be going even more full-steam ahead. He wanted to spend literally the whole weekend with me, and I said no. I said that I’d prefer to start with one date So we did, and it went from there.

When I guy knows, he knows. I don’t want to discourage him, if he can make me happy.

So he likes me. He wants a relationship with me. What is wrong with that?

It’s actually been a bonus.

I did tell Vman about it, because I wanted to have everything out on the table, and he wasn’t mad. He was happy for me. But he did say he was a little “bummed.” (since he wouldn’t get to be with me, I suppose.)

And he later admitted he might have “overreacted” when he dumped me. lol. So I feel a little bit vindicated about that.

We’ll see. I guess I just feel that maybe there is something special or serious about this guy. He was “magnetically” attracted to me, somehow. I could feel that on the train platform (because of my radiant siren qualities, obviously;). And he’s already seen me in a terrible state. He could have decided right then and there to not see me again. Yet he hasn’t. He’s seen that I was suffering, and he didn’t want me to. He wants me to be happy, and knowing that he wants my happiness, I feel very secure.

Yes, I know that it is soon. But sometimes I feel like saying “Yes!” to the Universe instead of no. yes feels good. no feels bad. And if I say yes right now, and it turns out not to be the right thing, then I can say no later on. I can always say no. And so can he.

This is “low-commitment.” We have a way out.

But so far, it’s checking off some big things on the list: 1) he wants commitment, 2) he’s committed to and concerned with my happiness, 3) He genuinely cares about his family and small animals.

The rest of that is details. Communication is an important aspect, so we will continue to watch that and see how it goes. I just know that if this is really a good thing, that i don’t really want to do anything that would potentially “mess it up.” And let it unfold as it happens….Or see what it leads to beyond that.

Who knows….

Thanks!

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 5:31pm
924: Laughing Goddess says:

Emerson:

Have you seen him in person before or would this be the first time?

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 5:33pm
925: Emerson says:

Daria, memulo, Dominique and sirens et al please feel free to chime in

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 5:33pm
926: Daria says:

well me personally as soon as i feel drained texting which is easy for me on my phone it feels annoying to type

i say “i dont feel good texting… itd feel better to talk on the phone”

and then jsut stop answering any texts, ever

i find that men who dont respond to that arent gonna step up

i dont really care if they do though, cuz really , i just feel drained texting so its more important to me to stop texting no matter what lol

thts why it works for me, cuz i really mean it and it makes it way less of a hassle for me

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 5:35pm
927: Emerson says:

Hi LG
I have seen him in person only in a work setting but we were very friendly and he made it known that he likes me

Tuesday, 4 September 2012 @ 5:36pm

Have The Relationship You Want

Just Because You Want Him Doesn’t Mean He’s Right For You

Related Posts

1,017 Comments to “Just Because You Want Him Doesn’t Mean He’s Right For You”

1: Femininewoman says:

2: April Rose says:

3: Femininewoman says:

4: April Rose says:

5: Siren Angel says:

6: Femininewoman says:

7: Siren Angel says:

8: Femininewoman says:

9: Tam says:

10: Annie says:

11: luzydel says:

12: luzydel says:

13: Femininewoman says:

14: Femininewoman says:

15: Femininewoman says:

16: Annie says:

17: MissStix says:

18: Tam says:

19: Radlove says:

20: Tam says:

21: Radlove says:

22: Radlove says:

23: Femininewoman says:

24: Annie says:

25: Annie says:

26: Radlove says:

27: Femininewoman says:

28: T-Girl says:

29: Femininewoman says:

30: Linda says:

31: Starla says:

32: Belle says:

33: Belle says:

34: Femininewoman says:

35: Daria says:

36: Radlove says:

37: Starla says:

38: Radlove says:

39: Radlove says:

40: Starla says:

41: Radlove says:

42: Radlove says:

43: Siren Angel says:

44: Radlove says:

45: Belle says:

46: Siren Angel says:

47: Memulo says:

48: Jilly says:

49: forest siren says:

50: MissStix says:

51: forest siren says:

52: Memulo says:

53: Jilly says:

54: Memulo says:

55: Femininewoman says:

56: forest siren says:

57: Siren Angel says:

58: Siren Angel says:

59: Siren Angel says:

60: Radlove says:

61: Laughing Goddess says:

62: Laughing Goddess says:

63: forest siren says:

64: Rebecca says:

65: Tam says:

66: Radlove says:

67: forest siren says:

68: Radlove says:

69: Memulo says:

70: Radlove says:

71: Laughing Goddess says:

72: Tam says:

73: Radlove says:

74: Radlove says:

75: forest siren says:

76: Rebecca says: