Long Distance For 2 1/2 Years – How Can ANY Woman Stay Sane In That Situation?

Here’s a question from Feeling Vulnerable – and I wanted to answer it right away:

“Rori, I need a little guidance. I think I have been doing a decent job in my relationship, using your tools Rori, but I’m starting to feel insecure. I recognize it and am doing my best to keep the relationship healthy and positive regardless of how I am feeling.

I have been using your tools and programs for about a year. I really understand the concept of leaning back, though that is the hardest thing for me to do. I think I do really well with feeling messages though.

I have been in a relationship with a guy for almost 2 1/2 years. We started as friends and have been getting closer and closer. It is a physical chemistry like I’ve never known before and it has become a very loving, caring relationship over time. There is an issue of distance. I know how you feel about distance, Rori, but due to family situations, that is where we are at for now.

I’ve never asked him where our relationship is going and have stayed away from drama. He is not a man of many words and does not share his feelings easily. I have consistently used feeling messages with him, and even when I’ve wanted more phone calls, text messages, etc, I’ve made it about me and how I feel when we don’t connect and how excited and nice it feels when I do hear from him. He has said that he trusts me and has since day 1, which surprises him, b/c he doesn’t trust people easily, and that has always made him feel close to me.

In the last few months, he has elaborated on his feelings for me, and recently admitted that he loves me. He has really opened up a lot and I’m not sure if that’s why I’m starting to feel more vulnerable, b/c I’ve also been more authentic and let him see my vulnerabilities, which has been difficult for me. It’s funny b/c ever since we’ve admitted loving feelings for each other about a month ago, I’ve acted the “worst” and I’m just hoping I’m not pushing him away and would like a little perspective from an objective third party.

A week or so after he told me he loved me, I admitted an episode of feeling jealous about a girl I perceived to be flirting with him. I told him that was an uncomfortable and new emotion for me. I told him I felt afraid he would like her more than me. He was sweet and said that would never happen and he wasn’t about to replace me and that I should know I “have him” . I told him that made me feel better. He said he liked that I felt comfortable enough to share that with him.

We get to see each other only about once a month, though the past few months, we’ve been able to see each other once a week. It’s been amazing and such a great bonding experience. I can feel how much he loves me when we are together. Most of the time we don’t even do anything except sit and talk and hug and kiss. (Don’t get me wrong, sex is in there when the opportunity is there, and it is the best I’ve ever known, but we don’t NEED that every time. We have a lot of other depth to our connection at this point.) Well, the weekly dates have recently ended, due to some changes in work schedules, so we are back to how things were before, which is once a month or so. This is a hard transition to make now.

We had an amazing date about two weeks ago, great connection with sex, conversation, just being…it was juicy and amazing and he even made the comment, “It just gets better every time.” Then, I didn’t hear from him for three days, which isn’t terribly unusual, and I know guys like time to re-group after being really intimate, but I started feeling like I wanted to connect, so…..I leaned forward and texted him. He texted back and we did this off and on throughout the day, but it wasn’t the full attention that I was craving and I told him so, but not in a blaming way. I said that I could tell he was busy and not able to give me the attention I was wanting and I was going to stop interrupting his day and go find something else to do. He got all sweet after that comment. “Sorry, honey. Later cutie, etc”

The next day he emailed me just to say he was thinking about me which was sweet. But, I didn’t open or respond to the email for about a day and a half. Not on purpose. That was just when I got around to seeing it. I responded that that felt really nice to hear and that I was thinking about him, too. So, another few days went by and we ended up talking in a group text with friends, trying to figure out some dates for us all to get together.

So, then, he and I ended up texting and he told me how his kids had all had been sick for a couple of nights and he was up every hour with them and he was working on a work project with his boss that was causing him stress. I told him I was feeling disconnected and yucky and the transition to not seeing each other was hard. He admitted that he got that and that we had been spoiled recently.

The next night we texted after kids’ bedtimes, too, but it was short lived b/c his were still sick and each one kept waking up crying. At one point, they were both up crying so he had to go and take care of them, obviously. The next afternoon, I sent a text that said I hoped he and the kids were all feeling better. He said they weren’t and the night had been awful. I told him that I was appreciative of his effort to chat with me the night before even though there was chaos in his house. He didn’t respond to that text. And then……my inner drama queen emerged.

Ugh! I hate to even admit this. But, even though we had had consistent communication that week, I still hadn’t gotten the full connection I was craving. There was no flirting or anything to make me “feel good”, I guess. So, I started over thinking and getting all those nasty voices in my head. I tried to call him b/c I knew if I could hear his voice I would feel better. I rationally knew he probably had no idea I was feeling so awful and rejected. He didn’t answer his phone, so I texted him that I was starting to feel self conscious.

A little while later he responded very sweetly calling me honey and telling me not to feel self conscious, I was being silly and he stopped to have a drink on the way home from work with a buddy he works with, and asked if everything was ok with me and that he was starting to feel anxious. So, I told him I’d like to catch up on the phone, but to go enjoy his beer and his buddy and we could talk on his way home.

He didn’t respond. So, I started getting more anxious and texted 45 min or so later, asking him if this was a plan. He responded immediately, “Is what a plan?” I said, “Talking on the way home.” He said he was on his way home then.

So, he called and said he had turned his phone off while in the bar b/c it was ringing like crazy with a bunch of people wanting his attention, so he hadn’t seen my msg about talking on the way home. About 30 seconds into the call he got another call, and said he’d call back. Well, I’d taken all I could take by that point and started texting to please call me back, I was feeling sick to my stomach, etc.

I tried calling him 20 min or so later, and it sounded like he answered and got disconnected. I called right back and left a voicemail that I was confused and asked what was happening and I felt weird. He called about 5 minutes later. He was calm and cool and had no idea why I was flipping out.

Said he’d gotten stuck on the other call the whole way home, had run into his house to grab something, had no reception in there, and called me back as soon as he got back in the car to go get his kids. He proceeded to ask me what was going on with me and if everything was okay, and I admitted I was not proud of my “girl moment” but that I had just felt rejected for about a week b/c of not really having good quality time to connect. He apologized that I was feeling disconnected and I apologized for creating a little afternoon drama.

He assured me that everything is “always okay” and I shouldn’t get insecure b/c I haven’t heard from him. He was sweet and kind of laughed it off and said, “Yeah, you were totally having a girl moment. I guess that’s part of why I like you. You’re a girl and you have feelings.” Wow!!!!!!!!!! Thanks, Rori. He even seemed to appreciate my inner drama queen. I think it’s because I did not make it about him or what he did or didn’t do at ALL. I owned my feelings and just said I felt disconnected and weird and self conscious since we hadn’t had a chance to connect.

The rest of the conversation was nice, just catching up, etc. That night he sent me a short, sweet email just complimenting a picture he had seen of me. I felt good about the fact that he reached out to me even though I felt awful for being a drama queen earlier in the day.

We emailed back and forth over the weekend. At one point I thanked him for saying he liked the girl in me, even with my occasional girly moments. When he responded he said, “Yes, you were a girl and I guess that’s what you are supposed to do. :) ” And then he moved on with the conversation. He seems totally cool and unaffected by the whole thing, but I now feel unattractive to him!!! I’m sure the best thing to do is just sit back and wait for him to come towards me, but I sent him an email yesterday, kind of a racy, flirtatious one, and he hasn’t opened it yet.

I could get in there and delete it before he opens it. Should I or should I just let it ride? I was the last one to email in response to one of his messages and then I sent that other one. I don’t want to give too much, but I also feel like a nice, light hearted, fun email would be a step in the right direction away from the serious talk, and at this point in our relationship we are past the playing games or keeping score, etc.

I just want to work myself back into an attractive light (in case I’m not). He actually was more flirtatious in our emails over the weekend complimenting the picture the night of the drama and then telling me he has had many fantasies about a certain outfit I was wearing.

At this point I think it’s just my insecurity that is making me feel like he’s finding me unattractive but I know I need to make sure he doesn’t continue to get an insecure vibe from me, so I know I need to lean back.

I know the email I sent is a small thing in the grand spectrum but I’m wondering if I should get rid of it before he sees it. Any thoughts or third party opinions on this? I am quite certain I am being my own worst enemy here, but need confirmation on that. :) Thank you for any help.

My Answer:

Feeling Vulnerable – You may not like this, so please don’t read if you’re not sure: Here’s the problem: “I’ve never asked him where our relationship is going and have stayed away from drama.”

After 2 1/2 years – not having talked about where a relationship is going – ESPECIALLY a long-distance one – is emotional suicide.

I don’t believe it’s possible for ANY woman to live like that. Asking where things stand and what he sees for your future and coming up with a plan to live together is not “drama.”

It’s common sense.

I know you’re afraid to bring it up – and that’s because of the insecurity long distance naturally brings up. Unless this man talks about living together and marriage – you cannot – and I’m saying this firmly – cannot be exclusive with him at the level you’re at now.

The only way to handle long-distance is as a temporary measure until you can be together. Otherwise, you’re both just doing the easy thing and caving into your fears of intimacy.

You’re taking WAY too much responsibility for how this is going, and focusing on short term contact instead of long-term plans.

Your insecurities are NORMAL! No one could do this.

Just please – understand that your anger and resentment and confusion are all being caused by there not being a plan in place, and your counting on him as your “one” before that’s even settled.

Your calls are those of a woman in the grip of crazy – STOP doing that!

And instead – start writing some scripts about “Where do you see us in the next 6 months? Year? How do I stay sane with this kind of arrangement?”

You have no alternative but to get this conversation started – IN PERSON! – and starting to write it out and practice speaking it to him out loud (with him in your imagination) is the beginning of it.

If you need personal help – try a coach – Virginia Clark knows first hand how to do this http://www.itsnevertoolatetomarry.com – and I’ve done it myself. Virginia can give you the mental state and the words she used – perhaps that would work for you, too!

This is not about an “ultimatum” – it’s about asking him for help getting through this by discussing your options together.

It’s about being honest with yourself and with him, about not playing games or pretending, and not trying to get the small things from him – when what you TRULY want is the BIG TICKET!

And you need to be cool as a cucumber when you have this talk – and it has to be about (this is in my Love Scripts program) your concerns about whether you are both “on the same page.” In other words, you want to explore if you two are a good match, if you want the same things, if you have the same goals.

And you have to be ready to walk – WITHOUT anger!

This is tricky, it’s advanced, and it’s necessary for your mental health – and the health of the relationship, too.

If a man gets “weird” because you ask for clarification – he was never yours to begin with.

AND – the way in which you ask for clarification, and state your concern about how much longer you can hang on in this situation without a plan – will be either  helpful or not.

You can DO this – it just needs some practice and planning on your part – and you hanging back and not being so eager to hang onto him the way things are now.

He KNOWS this is not a great situation for you. (Either that, or you’ve succeeded in convincing him that it’s okay for you to go on indefinitely like this.)

And so – your speaking the truth in a calm, loving, smiling, non-desperate, easy-going way can only increase his respect for you.

This is what you need to practice right now.

Love, Rori

written by Permalink

517 Comments to “Long Distance For 2 1/2 Years – How Can ANY Woman Stay Sane In That Situation?”

  1. 1: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    You can DO this – it just needs some practice and planning on your part – and you hanging back and not being so eager to hang onto him the way things are now.

    Thursday, 28 June 2012 @ 7:53am

  2. 2: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    It’s about being honest with yourself and with him, about not playing games or pretending, and not trying to get the small things from him – when what you TRULY want is the BIG TICKET!

    Thursday, 28 June 2012 @ 7:53am

  3. 3: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    And so – your speaking the truth in a calm, loving, smiling, non-desperate, easy-going way can only increase his respect for you.

    Thursday, 28 June 2012 @ 7:59am

  4. 4: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    the big ticket! Ooooh!

    Thursday, 28 June 2012 @ 8:01am

  5. 5: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Rori Raye says:
    Laura – This is going to be tough. What you are lacking here is experience, and some old pattern of not being able to see what is actually going on – for real – is getting in your way. Regardless of any of the circumstances in his life, if this man wanted to be with you, he would. Period. He may like you tremendously, respect you, adore you, want to be with you – but not in a romantic way. He’s continuing to soft-soap you (he may not even be aware of it himself) because he likes you – and this is giving you false hope and confusing you. Here’s the point. It makes absolutely no difference how great a man is. If I spend my life pining after George Clooney, I’m in for a very boring real life. I’ve known women – myself included – who’ve pined after men who were completely unattractive and unworthy on ALL levels – just for some inner, subconscious thing going on. In other words – who you pine for doesn’t even involve who HE is a lot of the time. If he’s George Clooney – or this guy, perhaps – it just makes it harder. The ONLY thing that counts is how much energy he’s putting out toward YOU. How good a job he’s doing making YOU happy.

    Please keep Circular Dating, and stop contacting him, and yes, stop thinking about him. He is, at best, a friend. That’s all. Have a good cry, please, and move forward with your life. Allow a man who has time and love for you to sweep you up. Love, Rori

    Thursday, 28 June 2012 @ 9:01am

  6. 6: siren songNo Gravatar says:

    yay! the big ticket!

    as if on cue, i just saw guy who loves me. he walked right past me without looking outside of my workplace (he actually put his head down), so taking FW’s advice, i put my hand on my heart and let myself feel the sad and shaky feelings as i walked by.

    i feel so sad. i miss him. but it also felt good to melt into my hand a little. i feel a little stronger.

    Thursday, 28 June 2012 @ 9:03am

  7. 7: siren songNo Gravatar says:

    “Allow a man who has time and love for you to sweep you up.”

    i want a man like this.

    Thursday, 28 June 2012 @ 9:04am

  8. 8: EmoticonNo Gravatar says:

    top 10

    Thursday, 28 June 2012 @ 9:12am

  9. 9: TamNo Gravatar says:

    ‘Please keep Circular Dating, and stop contacting him, and yes, stop thinking about him. He is, at best, a friend. That’s all. Have a good cry, please, and move forward with your life.’

    Oh yes, yes, yes, if only it were so easy, or even better: instant.
    Moving on with one’s life and being able to re-direct thoughts…ommmmmm (trying)

    Thursday, 28 June 2012 @ 9:18am

  10. 10: EmoticonNo Gravatar says:

    Hope everyone id having a good day…. because i feel so miserable right now. Hope nobody else feels this irritated……ever.

    Thursday, 28 June 2012 @ 9:25am

  11. 11: siren songNo Gravatar says:

    thinking about my situation with guy who loves me. he asked me to move in with him, then got weird when i brought it up later on, then made a plan to marry me, then got weird again.

    and at the same time he wanted me to call him all the time and invite him out, even though he seemed kind of weird when i did. he would yell and scream at me if i wasn’t in contact with him on a daily basis, but wouldn’t commit in a way that made me feel secure.

    staying in that situation was emotionally draining and crazymaking.

    i don’t want that! maybe he did me a favour by freaking out about CDing then poofing.

    love to me

    Thursday, 28 June 2012 @ 9:27am

  12. 12: TamNo Gravatar says:

    siren song..it seems to me he has problems that you were right to walk away from…it sounds all too familiar to me and is heart breaking but we can’t fix them…it’s most likely stuff he carries around with him from well before you even knew him…

    Love and strength to you!

    Thursday, 28 June 2012 @ 9:33am

  13. 13: siren songNo Gravatar says:

    thanks tam. i’m using this situation as practice…leaning back, loving myself, keeping my heart open.

    after i saw him today and melted into my heart i felt a little bit of a shift.

    i see him a lot lately…almost every day and he’s usually in touch by email once or twice a week with no real conversation happening on his part, so i’m getting a lot of practice. :-)

    Thursday, 28 June 2012 @ 9:41am

  14. 14: TamNo Gravatar says:

    it must be so tough when you keep seeing him all the time, I can’t imagine that.
    I do take some comfort in the no contact, no matter how much I want to break it.

    Thursday, 28 June 2012 @ 9:43am

  15. 15: siren songNo Gravatar says:

    he once told me i was ‘insane’ to circular date and that it ‘destroyed his self esteem’, which seemed super-dramatic to me. so the whole thing was kind of crazy by the end.

    Thursday, 28 June 2012 @ 9:45am

  16. 16: siren songNo Gravatar says:

    no contact IS great. i feel really strong. day…13 for me.

    Thursday, 28 June 2012 @ 9:47am

  17. 17: EmoticonNo Gravatar says:

    CD who hasnt spoken to me in a week send me an “i miss ur face” txt this morning…… just have no words. So idk how 2 respond

    Thursday, 28 June 2012 @ 9:48am

  18. 18: siren songNo Gravatar says:

    oh my gosh guy who loves me just emailed me to tell me he saw that my bike tire was flat in front of my office so he brought out his bike tire pump and filled both of my tires.

    i feel so sad. i miss him and the little things he used to do to take care of me like this.

    Thursday, 28 June 2012 @ 10:13am

  19. 19: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    siren song tell him. You never know what you can inspire.

    Thursday, 28 June 2012 @ 10:32am

  20. 20: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    We used to think that when a relationship ends, the partner who initiates the break up is the one who remains un-affected.

    This, however, isn’t necessarily true.

    In fact, studies show that while the person who is on the receiving end of the breakup is often negatively affected immediately following the breakup, the one who initiates the break up suffers a lot more after a while.

    And if you are broken up now, especially if your ex boyfriend broke up with you, and you want him back, here are the good news for you; it is highly likely that after some time goes by your exboyfriend
    will want to get back together with you!

    He may not admit it, but the feeling of loss will start to haunt him, and even if he doesn’t have the clarity
    to identify why exactly he is suffering, he will experience pain from the loss of your relationship.

    It will then be up to you to help him identify why he is hurting, and what to do to stop the pain.

    Let me clarify; when he starts experiencing the pain of the break up, you will have the perfect opportunity to show him that YOU are the one he is missing so much!

    Kindest Regards,

    Elaine M.D.
    The Dating and Relationship Author

    Thursday, 28 June 2012 @ 10:34am

  21. 21: TamNo Gravatar says:

    FW, you just made me doubt my NC strategy….don’t! ;)

    Thursday, 28 June 2012 @ 10:46am

  22. 22: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Not a strategy, a way of moving on I should say.

    Thursday, 28 June 2012 @ 10:49am

  23. 23: GoldenflowerNo Gravatar says:

    Emoticon says:
    CD who hasnt spoken to me in a week send me an “i miss ur face” txt this morning…… just have no words. So idk how 2 respond

    Hi Emoticon . hmm, this is a somewhat annoying text. If you’re annoyed at him for not being in touch maybe you should say smthing like, I feel weird we havent been in contact. Yes, I wd have a problem responding to that text too, cos I wd want to find out what he’s been doing and prob just say, how are you? And perhaps the other option is to leave it alone and wait and see his next text, i.e. asking to meet up. How long have you CD this one, if you dont mind me asking? Maybe other sirens are better strategy for dealing with the cryptic text. Bottom line is, as Rori says, you are interested in the energy they are giving to you.

    I’v hav a funny story, it was a guy I saw for cpl months, ages before I’d discovered Rori and CD. I ended things with him as he kept standing me up, due to having no money and all sorts of lame excuses which were very last minute, time waster basically!
    But he was good at texting every day, but he loved text speak, which drove me nuts too. He pulled the lets just be friends card then I gave up the ghost and I sent him final text saying “look theres no point you keeping texting me, you will keep reminding me of someone who just wasnt that bothered, take care”
    So then he agreed but afew weeks later he txted me with “i miss u it sux”. Wow , what a romantic way to be wooed back!! I didnt respond at all, then afew weeks later he tetxted again saying, havene heard from you for a while. Like he cdnt remember me saying no contact pls. This went on for a year, he wd keep sendin odd wee text every now and then, and i NEVER once responded. He even joined facebook with a fake name and tried to contact me on that. Seriously!! Must have driven him mad i didnt respond.
    Then a couple of weeks ago i got a mystery tetx, as I’d lost my prev phone with all my saved numbers. And so I responded, guess who it was???
    And I was in a pub, at a very weak moment, just been dumped by a lovely guy that week. And so I texted back, next thing he sent three texts, saying he wanted to treat me right this time, to buy me roses, and he said “i love u” in text!!!!!!!!
    I told him I wsnt up for dating atm. (left it a bit open tho). Since then he texted me every day with chat type things til this week it has dried up. He has never actually explained those three texts. I am ashamed to admit I actually felt so low afew weeks ago that i considered meeting him. But that passed. I think it is a reminder that he is far from what I need in my life. I feel no need to ask him anything more, I think he is semi toxic to me, he would drag me down again. I was lonely and just curious to see if he had changed a bit, but i really dont think he has.
    He hasnt stepped up his game to win me back at all, and I would have said no, but I was curious to see if he was able to give to me in any way. So in fact no contact is better. I wonder if he’s done this text every day thing and then stopped it to see if I will text him back , see if I care to do so. But I never texted him first, only responded to his. God he was so not worth my energy.
    Moving on.

    Thursday, 28 June 2012 @ 10:58am

  24. 24: ReceivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Sirens! Just checking in.

    I don’t think I would do well with a long distance relationship at all. Kudos to those people who can.

    Work has been crazy stressful this week. I’m looking forward to the weekend! :) Part of me is starting to think I should look for a different job. It seems to be a lot of stress the last couple of years and I think it’s just going to get worse. Plus, there are other issues, 2nd in command boss, seems to constantly try and goat me and it’s like he’s wanting to pounce on me or something. Not sure what his problem is.

    Mr. Observant and I have been speaking for a couple hours each night. He’s going to come in the morning on Sat. and help me bake for the party. Then, he’s staying over and Sun. he offered to help me organize my basement. I’ve been talking about it for a couple months now. He told me he likes to organize things :) I’m looking forward to spending the weekend with him.

    He told me he likes to listen to me talk and it helps him a lot with everything. He also likes my complex brain! ;P I finally found a guy who doesn’t think I think too much or overanalyze. We were talking about how we were as kids and we are a lot alike. He’s like the male version of me. I guess that’s why he likes how I think. I like that he’s a thinker too.

    He also is missing his kids terribly. I feel bad for him regarding that. He started talking to me about how I feel about having kids/babies. He said he is open to it. This surprised me because his POF profile said he didn’t want any more kids.

    I always wanted kids, but in the last couple of years, I decided it’s not a requirement. I don’t know with my autoimmune issues if my body will even allow it to happen or if it will just go into attack mode. So, I decided, I would rather go for the good man and not focus on a baby. If it worked out, great, if not, great. As long as I have a good man, I’m happy. I could have had a baby with any man, but I don’t want to do that with just any man.

    It’s so early yet with Mr. Observant, even though I feel we have really connected more than I have with anyone and in such a short period of time. There is nothing we can’t talk about. It feels so nice to just be comfortable and feel accepted. I’ve never felt like this with someone before.

    I was also thinking this morning how I really like how he kisses me. He doesn’t kiss me full of lust, it is more sensual, slow and gentle. It feels so nice to be around a guy whose main purpose is to enjoy me and not just want to get in my pants.

    I don’t think I’ll be able to catch up on the blog until maybe Sunday evening. I hope everyone is doing well! :)

    Thursday, 28 June 2012 @ 11:02am

  25. 25: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    “Hi, it feels great to be in contact again, and yet I know that I still have feelings, so if what you’re looking for here is friendship, I just don’t wish to pursue friendships with men right now, so I wish you well and will not be staying in contact.”
    If you were ready to ask him a question that would be helpful to you…you wouldn’t be feeling all this anger, hurt, etc. Do NOT give in and spew it on him. It will make you feel humiliated. Stay away from him if you feel all these things.
    Now – let’s take this out into all our experience. This is about being so attached to any one man that you cut off the possibilities of other great men finding you. It’s like putting a fence around yourself that’s marked with the man-you’re- zeroed-in-on’s name. It’s like he’s peed on you, and marked you as his territory, and you’re showing his urine stain to the world.
    I know that was a really harsh metaphor – but I want to really drive this home. Even just THINKING about a man is letting him “mark” you – and I don’t want you to do that!
    I hear you making up all kinds of reasons for staying in contact with this man, like –
    1. It seems harmless.
    2. Perhaps you can get information from him about what happened (and I know I suggested this long ago – but that was long ago, when you were hurting anyway and it wouldn’t have hurt you more, or it might work if you were TRULY OVER HIM, but you’re clearly not.)
    If you’re hurt over a man, you’re not over him. I don’t care how long ago it was. And talking to him again will only re-open the wound.
    Let it heal. Forget him, or let him be your “muse,” or carry him with you on your horse into the rest of your life – but don’t let him have any control over you…
    How you “use” him and the memory of him to HELP you and get you what you want is YOUR choice, and you should feel totally okay and happy and good about how you do that.
    Letting him worm his way back into your waking life puts HIM in YOUR driver’s seat. And if you try hard to turn that around, you’ll just dig yourself in deeper.
    Move AWAY from him – not back into his energy field.
    Let me know how this works for you, and please share all your experiences with this kind of thing…
    Love, Rori

    http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/category/targeting-mr-right/power-self-esteem/page/3/

    Thursday, 28 June 2012 @ 11:08am

  26. 26: GoldenflowerNo Gravatar says:

    Emoticon says:
    CD who hasnt spoken to me in a week send me an “i miss ur face” txt this morning…… just have no words. So idk how 2 respond

    BTW a cryptic text back might be “mmhmm” ,they cant bear cryptic either and he’ll be texting back to ask if you’re annoyed or wot? I sometimes use mmhmm as it can be construed as many things. Then you get to see what they think it means. “mmmhmm that feels lovely to hear”, or “mmhmm and what do you expect me say to that?”
    Just a suggestion. I would probably wait it out if it was me, see if he texts with a date plan.

    Thursday, 28 June 2012 @ 11:12am

  27. 27: siren songNo Gravatar says:

    I wrote back ‘i feel appreciative. That was very sweet. Thank you’. I saw him 5 minutes later (what is going on?? This is crazy) and he didn’t say anything.

    Thursday, 28 June 2012 @ 11:13am

  28. 28: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks for putting me back on my horse, FW….

    Thursday, 28 June 2012 @ 11:16am

  29. 29: EmoticonNo Gravatar says:

    Yes Goldenflower, thats exactly how i feel….. ANNOYED, IRRITATED…… especially since the last thing i said to him before he vanished for a week was that I didnt feel like coming back to DC that weekend.

    We didnt even get a chance to talk about it because he just started ignoring my texts so i stopped texting and he takes a week to resurface.

    IDK if he has an excuse or what…. im jus irriatated

    Thursday, 28 June 2012 @ 11:21am

  30. 30: GoldenflowerNo Gravatar says:

    25: Femininewoman
    Wow, that is great right there. I don’t know if you were addressing my recent posts, but it sure covers all of my past experiences.
    Do not let him worm his way back into your life. Even though I feel like this guy from last year was so below all my standards I am still letting him have some of my energy by engaging him. It is good to know that properly. I dont want to see him at all. He still holds very bad memories of a low point in time for me. he reminds me of loneliness, and total low self esteem. Why would I want to revisit this place at all. Yep, I will not be open to any friends or anything else from him. I’m moving away from his energy field.
    “This is about being so attached to any one man that you cut off the possibilities of other great men finding you”. Food for thought, thanks so much for posting this Femininewoman.

    Thursday, 28 June 2012 @ 11:21am

  31. 31: EmoticonNo Gravatar says:

    Goldenflower….. i like the mmhmm idea but i just wanna burst n scream at how annoyed i am at him…. smh. maybe i need to keep that under control till i can come up with a better FM

    Thursday, 28 June 2012 @ 11:26am

  32. 32: GoldenflowerNo Gravatar says:

    29. Emoticon
    We didnt even get a chance to talk about it because he just started ignoring my texts so i stopped texting and he takes a week to resurface.

    IDK if he has an excuse or what…. im jus irriatated

    If he’s already been ignoring prev texts, then I would leave it for him to properly contact you. By phone preferably or to arrange a date. That type of casual i miss u txt is so immature in my view. I wdnt respond unless he makes an effort to step up and fully communicate with or date you. irritating, immature. Go out and CD more, there are better guys who dont ignore texts. xx

    Thursday, 28 June 2012 @ 11:29am

  33. 33: EmoticonNo Gravatar says:

    Goldenflower thanx ure so right. It just feel so mediocre. At this point i feel i deserve an apology FIRST of all….. cuz no matter what i did or didnt do…. i do not deserve to be ignored.

    Thursday, 28 June 2012 @ 11:36am

  34. 34: turquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    I just talked to my mom and told her how sad I feel about the date formerly known as dreamy… and she understood how I felt and reminded me that it’s good I didn’t waste much time on him. She thinks that is the worst thing we can do, waste time on a man who isn’t the one, because we could be doing so many other things, even just resting. She’s going to watch the girls all day Saturday and keep them overnight so I can go to the concert with my friend or make other fun plans.

    I need to perk up. I fel really sad today, like tears keep surfacing, and I’m still at work for over 2 hours. Tonight, I can cry. Right now… I need to not give him any energy or thought. It’s always hard.

    Thursday, 28 June 2012 @ 11:43am

  35. 35: GoldenflowerNo Gravatar says:

    33: Emoticon says:
    Goldenflower thanx ure so right. It just feel so mediocre. At this point i feel i deserve an apology FIRST of all….. cuz no matter what i did or didnt do…. i do not deserve to be ignored.

    Yes, you’r right. It is rude and you should be able to be honest about how that felt to you. But at the same time, you maybe have to decide if you want to have this discussion by text or if you want to have it face to face. I hate text arguments, they are the worst and unsatisfying to the maximum. Is the other way to go, to just accept he is not giving you and making you happy and move away from him. Do this by CD asap. You could ask him to call you if you feel like there are issues you want to be honest about and in person or in a phonecall, using your feeling messages of course. “I feel weird not being in contact.” But I’m too new at this FM . Other sirens will have better scripts to express anger. I cant think of any except why didnt you text back. Sorry. But I do think moving your focus for a wee while will help you calm down, and then you can calmly state your feeling at the best opportunity. Make sense ?

    Thursday, 28 June 2012 @ 11:46am

  36. 36: TamNo Gravatar says:

    (((Turquoise))) Your mum is so right, and I liked reading that.

    Thursday, 28 June 2012 @ 11:48am

  37. 37: CurvySiren10No Gravatar says:

    starla, where are you? i am kind of concerned. just wanna see if you’re doing okay….

    Thursday, 28 June 2012 @ 11:52am

  38. 38: GoldenflowerNo Gravatar says:

    I’m off for a night of Djing, I think that tallguy isnt coming after all, saw on fbk he posted he was ill. Damn, but I dont reallymind. If he wants to approach me again then he will anyway, and if not then he’s not the full package I need in my life.
    Sorted. Blessings to all sirens . xx

    Thursday, 28 June 2012 @ 11:53am

  39. 39: EmoticonNo Gravatar says:

    Goodnight Goldenflower. Have fun!

    Thursday, 28 June 2012 @ 12:00pm

  40. 40: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    uhoh i feel triggered by IN PERSON

    does that mean over the phone or email no?

    :( i feel sad

    i don’t want to adjust my views on communication

    grrr

    Thursday, 28 June 2012 @ 12:29pm

  41. 41: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    GoldenFlower your’e a dj? how cool! :)

    Thursday, 28 June 2012 @ 12:30pm

  42. 42: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    aww i need to self talk and and keeping emotions bottled in for awhile triggers me

    :(

    i want to move away fromt hat and give myself feel comofrotable feeling heartbreak and pain and expressing it physicially in front of others

    i feel glad i cried so loudly and howled in front of my mom the other day

    Thursday, 28 June 2012 @ 12:33pm

  43. 43: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    curvysiren,
    hey! I am great! I took a gander at the blog this morning and felt overwhelmed with negative vibes (sorry, ladies! please don’t take it personally. it could just be my own triggers), so I decided to stay away until I felt a bit less…impressionable.

    it feels AMAZING that someone was thinking about me and wondering about me. THANK YOU:)

    I think I am going to post a positive visualization this afternoon before I leave work:)

    Thursday, 28 June 2012 @ 12:56pm

  44. 44: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    “I’m feeling silly and uncomfortable with what I did last week….how are you about it?”…Do NOT play games!!!!!If you are the type of woman who’ll cancel a date, not give him a reason and go get your hair done – then you’re playing games, you’re being totally superficial and making relationship with any man impossible. This is not hard to get – this is stuff that doesn’t work. Love, Rori

    Thursday, 28 June 2012 @ 12:58pm

  45. 45: turquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Mr. Conversation and I are going to go white water rafting… so out of my comfort zone, he’s talking me into an easy one… Feels exciting to think of doing something I’ve never done before. I like it!

    Thursday, 28 June 2012 @ 1:06pm

  46. 46: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    I’ve been thinking about doing something out of MY comfort zone… which is… being in a commercial. My friend really wants me to do it, but I feel terrified. Which is why I think I should just do it!

    Thursday, 28 June 2012 @ 1:13pm

  47. 47: turquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    That’s great Starla. :) I’m ready for some new experiences!

    Thursday, 28 June 2012 @ 1:19pm

  48. 48: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    It’s a commercial for a bar. They say I can put a bikini on for it if I want. hahahahaha

    Thursday, 28 June 2012 @ 1:30pm

  49. 49: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Erika says:
    This weekend at the convention, three awesome sexy guys hooked up with me in the span of two days … lol oh, and I broke me “22 and up” rule because two of these guys were under 22.

    I enjoyed feeling very comfortable at this point with my “I don’t have sex this early in a connection because I’m totally enjoying the moment with you but don’t want to feel icky later” speech.

    I also did my “no girlfriend,” “no one night stand,” and “no condoms” speeches.

    Also, one guy clearly switched his focus from our connection to his own orgasm (because he needed to be somewhere else very soon), and then I refused to be part of it despite his entreaties. I said, “I feel like we have disconnected emotionally, so I don’t really want to do that right now. I need to feel an emotional connection to feel turned on.”

    Honestly though none of it felt like speeches (except my actual speech, which felt great by the way and a guy invited me on a very chivalrous lunch date right afterwards) … my “speeches” only felt like me softly sharing my world with each guy.

    I love knowing that being clear about my boundaries increases guys’ attraction.

    Thursday, 28 June 2012 @ 1:31pm

  50. 50: lkNo Gravatar says:

    up up up
    starla, you should!

    Thursday, 28 June 2012 @ 1:36pm

  51. 51: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    and the first part of the commercial is YOGA. cool, lol. I can do yoga.

    Thursday, 28 June 2012 @ 1:37pm

  52. 52: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    ooh all the men are on me wanting to see me today :)

    and gfs!

    and last nite… i dated myself and my friend and his gf too!

    Thursday, 28 June 2012 @ 1:41pm

  53. 53: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i want to feel more secure that being clear on my boundaries increasesa a guys attraction

    ima choose it

    Thursday, 28 June 2012 @ 1:44pm

  54. 54: siren songNo Gravatar says:

    cool goldenflower, i’m a dj kinda too

    Thursday, 28 June 2012 @ 1:52pm

  55. 55: siren songNo Gravatar says:

    DO IT STARLA!!!!

    Thursday, 28 June 2012 @ 1:53pm

  56. 56: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    omg i feel very uncomfortable. I will do it. I will at least do the yoga.

    Thursday, 28 June 2012 @ 2:00pm

  57. 57: lkNo Gravatar says:

    bikini !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Thursday, 28 June 2012 @ 2:07pm

  58. 58: lkNo Gravatar says:

    i was telling my friend how i couldn’t tell if i was worrying about stupid things because there was nothing else to worry about & she was like, why don’t you just take a break for a couple days & see how that makes you feel ? i was like… from worrying ??? she said yes OHHHH wow, that’s what cd is always telling me to do LOL…. at the end of each one of our “fights” i say, well…so…i just…. don’t have to worry about that ? & he says, no, you can just be happy all the time. LOL how ridiculous. i prefer withering anxiety o_0

    Thursday, 28 June 2012 @ 2:09pm

  59. 59: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    omggggggggg lk

    Thursday, 28 June 2012 @ 2:09pm

  60. 60: lkNo Gravatar says:

    do it do it do it ! nora ephron says, “If anyone young is reading this, go, right this minute, put on a bikini, and don’t take it off until you’re 34.”

    Thursday, 28 June 2012 @ 2:11pm

  61. 61: lkNo Gravatar says:

    i’m afraid to put my bathing suit on because i compulsively scratch my skin & i have marks all down one leg. makes me feel jealous of literally anyone in the entire world. every single person on earth has more love-ly legs than i – since i myself have taken my own self-hxting fingers to my own smooth skin & intentionally & repetitively caused myself pain.

    i feel strong, not weak, for saying that “out loud”.

    Thursday, 28 June 2012 @ 2:15pm

  62. 62: lkNo Gravatar says:

    but i AM wearing a dress today where my legs show & i forgive myself & there is nothing to forgive

    Thursday, 28 June 2012 @ 2:18pm

  63. 63: lkNo Gravatar says:

    i intend to “build the gentle pause” into my whole life. into my feelings, my words, my actions. into my breath, even. every bottom – every top of my breath i know is a tiny bit of mathematical peace. i love to stand where the ends meet…

    Thursday, 28 June 2012 @ 2:21pm

  64. 64: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    it’s so funny how accurate my horoscopes are these days. I wonder if it’s part of the supposedly exponentially increasing consciousness/alignment accompanying the approach of the end of 2012.

    My horoscope said my boss would assign me a project out of the blue that will feel annoying because it’s nothing like what I usually do, but to embrace it because it will break up the monotony and bring good career tidings. And, voila! He just put me in charge of something major that fits that description perfectly.

    I also noticed my horoscopes are delayed by about 12-24 hours in manifesting.

    Thursday, 28 June 2012 @ 2:21pm

  65. 65: lkNo Gravatar says:

    right on the shore between the echoing cave & the foaming waves

    Thursday, 28 June 2012 @ 2:22pm

  66. 66: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    honestly, putting on a bikini in support of a place where people consume poison (alcohol) doesn’t quite represent who I am, and I don’t want to do it.

    I feel excited to promote doing healthy, peaceful things where alcohol is consumed, though.

    I know it can be argued either way, but if I am going to put on my bikini for a video camera, I want it to be in support of something I REALLY believe in!

    Thursday, 28 June 2012 @ 2:29pm

  67. 67: lkNo Gravatar says:

    yeah, so i decided to just tell myself, “oh, that’s cool, let’s worry about it later” about all the weird shxt i can’t control.

    notice the tummy feeling
    can you control that ?
    (yes) take a loving action
    (no) make a note in my “worry book” & then decide to Drop It & THEN ! flip the book around & open it to my “universe book” side & make a note about one thing i’m deeply grateful or happy for … or flip my worry …. just do something “nice” for my psyche : )

    Thursday, 28 June 2012 @ 2:29pm

  68. 68: lkNo Gravatar says:

    i hear you, starla. i agree actually… it does sound fun though ! ….. maybe save the bikini-modeling for a more “normal” organization LOLLLLLL i crxck myself up…. : )

    Thursday, 28 June 2012 @ 2:33pm

  69. 69: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    i feel excited i even have the body to be a bikini model. that anyone would want me to put on a bikini to promote their business. that is cool.

    i committed to changing my body, and WHAMMO. changed. commitment is a powerful, mature way of obtaining your wildest dreams.

    Thursday, 28 June 2012 @ 2:35pm

  70. 70: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    lk, my best friend is a big anxious worrier and we just love her all the same for it. it’s just part of her personality. she doesn’t put major effort into not worrying so much.

    i feel jealous of her self-acceptance in this way. how she pushes no one away with her worrying, but i feel like *i* do. the difference is in the self-acceptance, i guess.

    Thursday, 28 June 2012 @ 2:37pm

  71. 71: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    Starla glad your looking for positive vibes! I am still concentrating on being positive too.

    Thursday, 28 June 2012 @ 3:33pm

  72. 72: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    Femininewoman#20

    Thank you for this post. Makes me feel hopeful. He misses me and I’m going to work my charm with all my new tools!

    Thursday, 28 June 2012 @ 3:35pm

  73. 73: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    Receiving girl# 24

    Enjoy baking with mr observant and have fun @ the party!

    Thursday, 28 June 2012 @ 3:37pm

  74. 74: Love ActuallyNo Gravatar says:

    Hi to all you wonderful Sirens. I feel so behind, haven’t been on for so long – I was just starting to feel like I was getting to know some of you and now feel disconnected. Sigh.

    Daria – I have been using FM with my 14 year old and I FEEL SO CARED FOR BY HIM!!!

    Today I told him I felt really loved and cared for when he offered to stay outside with me while I was finishing something up, and he said ‘I do love you’. I feel weepy happy just thinking about it again…

    He has been offering to go to the store with me and carry groceries and he even offered to go find a mailbox for a letter I needed to post while I was waiting in line. WOW! When I said how great it felt to have help he got this great grin on his face and let out this adorable, quiet little giggle – IT FELT FANTASTIC TO ME – LIKE THE BEST CONNECTION I HAVE HAD WITH HIM IN A LONG WHILE. TOTALLY YUMMY! And this yummy feeling in me of course then translates to a lot more patience on my part with the areas we do struggle with together…

    I am so very grateful for your suggestion because he means more to me than anything in the world and when he was younger we had such a fantastic connection and it has been awkward and strained for a couple of years as we traverse a whole new way to be in relationship with each other as he grows up. He needs and takes a lot of independence (OMG! Scary) and I am so very blessed because he has ALWAYS wanted to stay in relationship with me and draws his own boundaries VERY clearly (yay him) and understands to some degree that it is difficult for me even when we get into knock down drag out arguments.

    This boy (I feel so excited, warm and fuzzy when I imagine him as a man) is my heart.

    I feel such a deep heartfelt gratitude for your suggestion. :)

    Thursday, 28 June 2012 @ 5:04pm

  75. 75: BrandylionNo Gravatar says:

    A bunch of us are going out tonight for my birthday to the same brewery we went to last year for my birthday. I don’t feel apprehensive about this at all, even though this place and this celebration were what PriestCD and I considered the start of our relationship. I guess my freak-out over it earlier this week spent that emotional energy.

    I’ve felt a shift in the last couple of days, like PriestCD is really getting out of my system. That doesn’t mean there aren’t still more tears yet to cry, but I feel better now than I have since finding out he has a new girlfriend Memorial Day weekend.

    I’ve been thinking a lot about my best friend’s suggestion that I buy myself a match.com membership for my birthday. (I’m more inclined toward Rori’s Heart Connection Toolkit or Love Scripts.) My sister said it’s a great idea, as long as I have the desire and the time to be on there a lot, browsing and chatting. She doesn’t get that I am not going to chase men, even online. If a man looks at my profile and doesn’t send me a message, he’s not interested, and I don’t want a man who isn’t interested in me all on his own!

    Someone wrote on here earlier today that the wrong ones leave to make room for the right one. I know I’ve heard that before, but I am going to work on keeping this mentality!

    I’m looking forward to this session of classes being over tomorrow. The workload in the next session is lighter, so I will have more time to run and to get to the weight room at the SRC. I brought several Jillian Michaels DVDs, so I’ll write out the routines and then go do them there like I did last summer. I know I will feel so much better when I make that much stronger a commitment to my health and physical fitness (and, yes, appearance and weight reduction). Being committed to daily exercise was a big part of what had my vibe SO high when I met PriestCD, and I feel excited to get back to the emotional place I was when I met him!

    Thursday, 28 June 2012 @ 5:06pm

  76. 76: Love ActuallyNo Gravatar says:

    Happy Birthday Brandylion, I hope you have a wonderful time tonight!

    Thursday, 28 June 2012 @ 5:20pm

  77. 77: Love ActuallyNo Gravatar says:

    Ok, now my son is keeping me in the loop of all his plans/change of plans!! Usually he just forgets to let me know if/when something changes. Whoa, this is like my wildest mommy fantasy come true :P

    Thursday, 28 June 2012 @ 5:46pm

  78. 78: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    61 (((lk)))

    Hi sirens, I’ve been reading baggage reclaim website and liking it.

    Thursday, 28 June 2012 @ 5:49pm

  79. 79: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    Jessie thank you for mentioning me on the other post :-) :-) I felt so special and all awww towards you…it was so sweet of you to say that about me (((Jessie)))

    Thursday, 28 June 2012 @ 5:57pm

  80. 80: Love ActuallyNo Gravatar says:

    I have a question for all you lovely Sirens.

    In the past week and a half I have passed through some ‘drama’ with SR – he was having a melt down about business partner issues. I am feeling wayyyy more grounded with this than I have in a very long time and was able to just listen (thanks again Receiving Girl) to him for as long as felt comfortable and when it didn’t any more I was able to use FM to say so (yay me!). I didn’t feel pulled in or irritated or anything – I felt very ‘matter of fact and calm’ and this felt very empowering.

    Anyways…he learned that he had to travel to the UK (left last Sunday) for a week, and I hadn’t seen him in about 4 weeks as I had pulled right back, getting to a point where I felt quite comfortable exploring the possibility of being friends with him – no sex as it completely messes me up.

    Well, he has moved towards me again in a big way and it has felt lovely, although I feel very nervous because I don’t want it to move into ambiguous territory again. Maybe a few months ago now, I gave him the no girlfriend speech and expressed that I wanted to be married someday and he freaked out (pulled back) and said he didn’t know if he wanted to get married ever.

    He said he loved me before he left and every time I talk to him since…the first time I didn’t say anything back, the second I said ‘thank you’ (which felt totally lame), the third time I said it back – which i didn’t want to, but it just slipped out – i felt awkward. Today I just said thank you again…

    When he was leaving he had started to walk away and then came back and gave me a little peck on the lips and said ‘I hope that’s ok’. I just said ‘uhmm, I feel a little weird, but I think it’s ok with me’

    I don’t know what to say to this…I love him and the reason I feel awkward saying it back is because I don’t want to have things be confusing again…I do love him and I don’t want to be a girlfriend and that hasn’t changed.

    Today when I talked to him he was speaking about the little place he is staying and how great the food is and that he was talking to the young couple that own it about me and how much i would love it and the food. Then he said ‘I called you my girlfriend, I hope you are not mad’. I think I said something like ‘i feel all warm and smiley that you are talking/thinking about me and well, I’m not there so it doesn’t bother me that you referred to me as your girlfriend’

    I’m not sure how to respond to this either…

    I guess I could just say it like it is…

    ‘I feel so warm and smiley when I hear you say you love me and I love you too and I feel awkward and worried we are still not on the same page about what we want in a long term relationship. What do you think?’

    I would feel so grateful if any of you have any suggestions.

    Thursday, 28 June 2012 @ 6:05pm

  81. 81: Love ActuallyNo Gravatar says:

    Ok, that was a couple of questions. :)

    Thursday, 28 June 2012 @ 6:08pm

  82. 82: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Love Actually I love your FM. The one thing I thought was instead of saying I love you “I feel my heart fluttering all happy and the cells in my body all warm and melty awwww”. I feel like a silly schoolgirl all giggly and soft when I hear I love you

    Thursday, 28 June 2012 @ 8:21pm

  83. 83: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    About being a gfriend let him say whatever he wants to whoever he wants. I would just not go back to acting/being how I was when I accepted that title.

    Thursday, 28 June 2012 @ 8:27pm

  84. 84: EsteemedNo Gravatar says:

    I lost my job today. There was just too much stacked against me:

    A 1.5 hour commute that was wearing me out.

    Sick kittens that have cost me a lot of sleep.

    No coffee.

    I overslept and got to work 30 minutes late. There was a 3.5 hour meeting this morning, and there was no coffee. It was normally free, and I had come to expect it. With no coffee facing the meeting, it was like being pulled from life support with no advance warning.

    There was no way I could stay awake, and I dozed off repeatedly thru the meeting, despite standing, drinking water, and taking notes.

    I got fired. Of course I feel upset, but part of me feels relieved and at peace. I knew it was a recipe for disaster when I was required to take on a 1.5 hour commute. Everything else sealed my fate.

    For those of you who don’t know, I have a medical condition of sleep apnea and narcolepsy (excessive sleepiness). I feel heavy hearted, but again, at peace.

    Thursday, 28 June 2012 @ 8:28pm

  85. 85: SunshineNo Gravatar says:

    Esteemed so sorry to hear about getting fired but I also feel some relief for you, it sounds like you were going through a lot of stress…i hope you take some time for good rest and relaxation so congratulations for the time off:)

    Today I went on a date from match and I felt no chemistry at all for the guy and I feel so guilty recieving dinner and the flower he bought…I feel so uncomfortable that I accepted his purchases. I dont know his financial situation but when men spend on me and I dont feel the chemistry I feel horrible, perhaps i imagine their econimic situation like mine which is so tight…it hurts to see them spend on someone (myself) and they are not aware that Im not into it…I feel so bad about this. today’s guy was nice but he was making some sexual jokes and insisted on taking the train to my stop so ackward I showed him the neighborhood bus and then when he left walked my portion to my house so he would’nt see were I lived exactly. He kept looking at my chest at dinner too and even though we had some sports conversations I didnt feel not one tad of chemistry..wish I didnt feel so guilty of texting him not interested:( can anyone relate to this? does any siren pay first dates?

    Thursday, 28 June 2012 @ 9:21pm

  86. 86: SunshineNo Gravatar says:

    come to think of it if I insisted on paying my portion I would feel better…I wonder if I should make my own rule that if I like the guy or am not competely not into him I will let him pay, but if i am pretty sure by the end of dinner its a no I should insist on paying my half, I would feel a lot better about this. Its not like I will care about being a siren, leaning back female in this situation because I wont care about his attraction towards me…

    Thursday, 28 June 2012 @ 9:24pm

  87. 87: siren songNo Gravatar says:

    ((esteemed))

    Thursday, 28 June 2012 @ 9:34pm

  88. 88: Love ActuallyNo Gravatar says:

    82: Femininewoman

    Awwww, I feel so elated that you liked my FM and I love your tweaks – I will really sink into my body and express it from that even deeper level – its true – every cell in my body reacts! That feels sooooo right and true.

    83: Femininewoman

    This feels a little confusing to me – obviously he can say whatever he wants to who ever he wants and I guess unless he brings it up again, its none of my business – ok, I feel relaxed thinking about it that way…and essentially, what I want to say around the ‘i love you’ part and not wanting things to get ambiguous again is where its really at for me anyways. Yay! I feel excited for this clarity.

    Thursday, 28 June 2012 @ 9:40pm

  89. 89: Love ActuallyNo Gravatar says:

    84: Esteemed

    I feel worried for you. I hope you are ok.
    I feel hopeful better things will come your way.

    Thursday, 28 June 2012 @ 9:43pm

  90. 90: Love ActuallyNo Gravatar says:

    85: Sunshine

    I’m not yet CDing in terms of actual dates yet, but I have in the past felt a lot of discomfort around the idea of a fellow paying for me even if I am into him, and reading your post and imagining going on a date I feel a little anxious…I have wondered about how I would handle any of this…

    Do you tell a man that you feel best when he pays before you even meet? Or do you just assume he will? I feel awkward about the whole thing.

    Reading about his sexual jokes and staring at your chest leaves me feeling ewwwwww, yuk!

    Thursday, 28 June 2012 @ 9:50pm

  91. 91: siren songNo Gravatar says:

    i feel open to whatever the world wants to send me tonight.

    Thursday, 28 June 2012 @ 9:53pm

  92. 92: SunshineNo Gravatar says:

    Love Actually, thanks so much for writing it feels good to not feel alone on this or strange for feeling this way…thanks also for saying yuk lol, because I feel a little better for texting him not interested after he asked to see each other again, feels good to get some support:)
    about your question I never mention anything about money beforehand…I just go with the flow Im not sure about this either, I think that next time if Im really not into the guy I will insist strongly on paying my portion. Then, if he later wants to text or tell me that he would like to meet up again i will do what is usual and say not interested if Im not. Anyway I will feel it out, what do you think? how does that feel for your future date plans? I did the math and he must have spent about 35 bucks on me..plate was 18, dessert prob 6 coffee around 4 and flower 5 plus tax eeek…that would of covered my groceries for the week lol

    Thursday, 28 June 2012 @ 9:58pm

  93. 93: SunshineNo Gravatar says:

    Love Actually, i would like to mention however that if i like him and he does pay it feels really good:) and its sexy, I feel protected and i feel like hes valuing me its nice for sure…I think it makes the guy feel good because it makes him feel manly and like a provider, I assume this but from what i have learned and picked up on seems to be true especially for manly men. I think it even feels like hes showing off not just that he can provide but that he thought of the place and planned it, and thats nice for both ends:) do you like thinking of it that way? just curious, or is it still weird at first?

    Thursday, 28 June 2012 @ 10:08pm

  94. 94: Love ActuallyNo Gravatar says:

    92: Sunshine

    I feel so happy my comments felt supportive to you.

    I’m still not sure how I will handle it when I get the nerve up to actually go on a date. Maybe it would feel best to do something lighter than a dinner first – takes the pressure of me and him.

    I feel better about a man paying once I know him…then it can feel wonderful for me, like I know he is paying for me because he likes me and it makes him feel good and that makes me feel GREAT!

    I know with SR, he has not had a lot of money for most of the time I have known him and it bothers him A LOT not to be able to do things for me and/or take me out. But sometimes it also makes him act like a complete jacka$$ too, LOL! Drives me nuts. I’d mostly be happy with simple and cheap if that’s all he can manage, and after a couple years, I also don’t mind going dutch if we are just cooking dinner at home, but I DO NOT like ambiguity at all, so I want him to be clear about what he wants to do so we both feel comfortable.

    Also I was wondering about seeing a fellow more than once even if you don’t feel the chemistry right away – I’m pretty sure I read somewhere here that recommendation. To practice and to see if/what might develop…

    I tried it once years ago. I was absolutely 100% not physically attracted to him and I went out with him maybe 5 times and I finally had to stop because I couldn’t even let him get near me because I couldn’t even imagine touching him casually, never mind kissing him or anything. He went all quiet when I finally told him that I couldn’t see it going anywhere…I felt terrible. THEN, he ended up moving into the same townhouse complex I live in – maybe 3 years after I dated him – so awkward! Now its been another maybe 3 years and I quite like him, although will never be attracted to him…

    Maybe the recommendation is to go out more than once if you find him ok. In the case I mentioned above – I was close to repulsed. :P

    Thursday, 28 June 2012 @ 10:34pm

  95. 95: Love ActuallyNo Gravatar says:

    I’m feeling very tired and once again so very grateful for this community and all it’s support and inspiration.
    Hugs to you all.

    Thursday, 28 June 2012 @ 10:37pm

  96. 96: SunshineNo Gravatar says:

    Love Actually oh no about guy who lives in your complex thats gotta be ackward! oh well at least you were honest and didnt lead him on by dating him for a long period of time 5 dates sounds fair to figure it out. wonder if you told SR that you feel girly/ feminine and attracted to him if he has a thoughful date planned, even if its free. i know its usually nice for the guy to think of it without asking but rori really has had me reflect on how important it is to share what we want bcause men can at times be clueless.
    thanks for recommendation I think thats true, dating more if I find him ok works, tonights guy was just a no…the more I think of it the less creeped out I am and the more I see him as just getting too comfortable. i guess sometimes i have that comfortable friendly vibe around me which feels nice to be percieved that way, but he must have gotten a little too comfortable and started acting like he was with one of the guys and making dumb jokes as if he was crackin em with his buddies…poor guy I know that when I was jokingly arguing about sports he started being like that sigh… and he started talking about how his roomate smells like rotten cocoa butter lmao! wish him the best maybe hell meet a nice cocoa butter smellin female. anyway im off to sleep what an interesting thursday i must say:)

    Thursday, 28 June 2012 @ 10:51pm

  97. 97: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    I went out with friends new and old tonight and didn’t drink and sang my heart out at karaoke even though i’m a truly awful singer… and I was SOBER! :) It felt great. and I had fun and I wasn’t thinking about men or trying to get attention from any… I am making progress!

    And I started visualizing my soulmate and he doesn’t look like CF at all. I started imagining what he is like and who he is, and he is just incredible and gentle and strong and lets me be me and we don’t actually have a whoooole lot in common. I can’t wait to meet him. Well, I can wait a little while! I want this time to myself:)

    Thursday, 28 June 2012 @ 10:57pm

  98. 98: BrandylionNo Gravatar says:

    We ended up sitting at the bar in *exactly* the same place as we sat last year while waiting for a table, and we were seated at *exactly* the same table as last year! There was a different handsome man at my left elbow, though, and this one isn’t interested (though I am warming to him gradually…he is awfully cute and sweet).

    Good memories, ones I’ve held onto and shared here, were triggered, but I didn’t feel sad. I talked a little about them with the couple of people who also knew PriestCD from last summer, but mostly I just enjoyed being there with this new group of people.

    We went up the street to the playground and swung and slid and dug just like last year, but this time all five of us who went there walked back all together. It felt less magical and exhilarating, but it still felt good. :-)

    Now to make it through tomorrow…

    Thursday, 28 June 2012 @ 11:05pm

  99. 99: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    I feel incredible stepping out of my comfort zone. i can’t believe i sang karaoke bone sober in front of strangers. it was AWFUL. lol. i love my terrible singing voice. it feels so good to sing your heart out.

    Thursday, 28 June 2012 @ 11:07pm

  100. 100: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    brandylion, is it your birthday??

    Thursday, 28 June 2012 @ 11:08pm

  101. 101: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    (((esteemed)))

    Thursday, 28 June 2012 @ 11:09pm

  102. 102: TereanaNo Gravatar says:

    Brandylion – #98 – I had the exact same thing happen at a restaurant that my ex-fiance took me to, once! After the fact, I went there with a guy friend, not even knowing it was the same restaurant. And they seated us at the same table! I was facing the opposite way, though. That was interesting…

    Thursday, 28 June 2012 @ 11:10pm

  103. 103: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    I’m having some imagined issues with two of my colleges at work. I feel like they’re getting at me. I’m going to imagine them saying positive things to me and interacting professionally.

    Thursday, 28 June 2012 @ 11:11pm

  104. 104: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    Starla. Your Visualised soulmate sounds a lovely caring man. You deserve the best.

    Thursday, 28 June 2012 @ 11:13pm

  105. 105: TereanaNo Gravatar says:

    I feel like I am in an interesting place of healing right now. Suddenly, I feel more able to openly talk about things (one thing in particular) which has been so closed and hidden and secret up until now. But hiding hasn’t been helping it heal. Instead, I am throwing a party this weekend – for me!

    I feel a little bit diva – throwing a random party just for me. But I have lots to celebrate. And I want to spend time with friends. I want hugs!!! Hugs and cuddles. Yum…

    Thursday, 28 June 2012 @ 11:13pm

  106. 106: TereanaNo Gravatar says:

    The other thing I am noticing – and this is strange, but I think it’s important – is my intense “attachment” to my feelings.

    I heard/read an interesting quote this week: “It’s not events that are important. It is our reaction to them.”

    And I had to think about that with a lot of things that have happened. Of course, with the “event” that happened this Monday. But it could be anything that happens that creates a “strong” feeling in me. Sometimes the feelings are so strong, they literally overwhelm me. And then I think I am “reacting” out of overwhelm as much as the feeling itself. But I wonder if it would be possible for me to have a “better” reaction. I put better in quotations, because that’s a subjective idea. I mean “better” as in, ‘more effective,’ ‘less destructive,’ ‘more in line with my true nature.’

    My feelings are important. But it is also important not to get too attached to them. My feelings are my feelings. But they are not an external reality. They are an internal reality. Loving my feelings can also be about making a boundary between what is me and what’s outside of me.

    I feel myself slowly “growing up.” It’s quite possible that one of these days, I might actually feel that I’ve reached the status of “adult!” lol

    Thursday, 28 June 2012 @ 11:20pm

  107. 107: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    I feel so grateful for the shift in me:) My best friend was stressin about something, but I was able to handle it and not stress and when I arrived to her house with the stressful object in question (it was a meal from Honey Baked Ham), she just hugged me and hugged me and I comforted her. And I felt so glad to be able to be a rock for someone and not always be taking from my friends and lovers as an emotionally needy thing.

    I often feed off of other people’s anxieties and let it rub off on me. But I am becoming very sovereign in this way:)

    Lovely, beautiful, wonderful life and universe. Full and happy.

    Thursday, 28 June 2012 @ 11:20pm

  108. 108: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Sorry I’m approaching spam levels

    A very close guy friend of mine suddenly opened up to me tonight in a very caring, masculine way. It was like he found his masculine legs. I think it started when yesterday he asked to borrow money from me and I said no. It’s like it set a switch off in his head and he turned masculine energy. He has been really suffering from a lack of ambition, and all the women in his life are trying to ‘fix’ him and help him. I finally just said NO. I’ve known him for 10 years, and he’s never talked to me like how he talked to me tonight, bossing me around telling me to get some sleep and whatnot.

    We think saying ‘no’ will push men away, but it really draws them closer. It’s all about knowing and trusting your boundaries. I know and trust my boundary of not loaning someone money in his circumstances, and so it worked out. I think it only pushes men away when we aren’t trusting our boundaries (they sense it and get resentful because it’s like you’re arbitrarily putting them through a ringer) or are punishing with ‘boundaries’.

    Thursday, 28 June 2012 @ 11:26pm

  109. 109: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    it feels good when a man wants you to take care of yourself and he calls you sweet pet names and just lets you know you deserve to be very well cared for and doesn’t want to hear that you’re not taking care of yourself.

    i always assumed that this man is fem energy who needs coddling from a woman. turns out… he doesn’t. he needs the women in his life to focus on their own happiness and care for themselves, even if it means saying no to him. i can feel his energy shift totally after 10 years.

    Thursday, 28 June 2012 @ 11:40pm

  110. 110: TereanaNo Gravatar says:

    I got a pool party invitation from VMan today. At first, I wrote back and asked him if he even meant to invite me. I was a little incredulous! But then he said he did. So I said thank you. But I couldn’t make it to the time of the party.

    Odd, but I didn’t feel any real “feelings” – charged ones, anyway – when he wrote to me. I mainly felt surprised!

    Later in the day, I went on his FB page to look for something. And oddly, what I found made me feel strange things: I felt jealous – not of the girls on his page. Well, okay, maybe a little. Maybe a lot! But then I looked at him, at the picture of his face again, and I realized – hey, he’s really not all that attractive! lol. You’d think that I thought at some point he was Mr. Gorgeous. Well, he’s actually just Mr. So-So. Not that looks count for everything…But then also, the girl in the the bikini in the photo with him – I am way hotter than she is (yes, even without a belly button ring – au naturel, baby!)

    I also felt (and always have felt) jealous of how nerdy he is. I don’t know why I should feel that. He is nerdy in his way and i am nerdy in mine. But for some reason, whenever someone has or does something that I don’t have or can’t do, i want to learn how to have to do it. I want to “compete.” And I know that competition is both unhealthy and antithetical to having a good relationship. So why do I feel this with him? I have no idea. And why is probably the wrong question to ask…

    Marni Battista recently had a guest post on her Dating with Dignity blog, about exactly this topic – how competition is so deadly in dating. And there was a quote that really stood out to me. I’m going to paraphrase:

    “If you are used to feeling stronger than your man, stop. Let go.”

    And my questions are: stop what? How? And let go of what?

    I guess it’s stop the need to have that feeling. And let go of the feeling of being “better,” stronger, faster, whatever.

    I can’t be “better,” stronger, or faster than my man. I may be “sexier” (only because I am sexy in my girly way, and he is sexy in his way – so no competition there) – I would rather be sexier, so that he can keep finding me attractive! Sexy is in the eye of the beholder anyway….I can be sexier than VMan and all his friends. But I can’t outnerd him, or outgeek him. Ever. He’s got that one cornered. I can’t like women more than he does. He’s obviously got me there, too. I can’t outstupid him, or outsmart him. It’s impossible. I can out-me him. But I can’t out-him him.

    I guess that’s what I’m trying to do – maybe with him, especially, but with anyone I meet. You know how imitation is the highest form of flattery? (But really annoying to the receiver?) Well, I’ve probably been trying my darnedest to be like all the people I’ve ever liked. Starting with my dad. (Not my mom. I tried my darnedest *not* to be like her. lol) But anyone I like, I probably try not to be simply “like” them – but to be better at themselves even than they are.

    Which means I have no real “me” at the end of the day.

    (at least not that kind of day)

    And really, it started with my dad. He’s the most competitive person I’ve ever met. You can’t have a conversation with him, where he doesn’t try to one-up you ever other sentence, and be “right” constantly, and make you “wrong” – even if he has to say something that’s completely untrue. He “competes” with other drivers on the road. It’s ridiculous. And he has no idea that he’s doing it…

    But I realize that my self esteem level is strongly connected to this. And VMan, just by his very presence is – again – triggering this very deep thing that mostly isn’t bothering me. But it also isn’t serving me in relationship. Thank you VMan. Thank you for being a vehicle of wisdom and self-knowledge for me. And angel, of sorts. Even if you are really funny-looking and have no idea that you are doing it. Lol. Thank you. :-)

    Okay, Ms. Sleepy is tired.

    But feeling much better than I was on Monday.

    xoxo ladies!!

    Thursday, 28 June 2012 @ 11:41pm

  111. 111: EmoticonNo Gravatar says:

    So sorry to spam tonight but I need to bent about this and clearly everyone is tired of hearing me talk about it.

    The guy who texted me this morning who I had not spoken to in a week eventually called but I was busy at work so I didn’t pick up and then responded to tell him I would call back later. I called twice maybe two hours later and four hours later and got no response but thought nothing of it cuz I know he usually has bad service at home.

    So he eventually called back and jus talking in circles. We got off the phone, then I called him back and asked why he never responded to my text telling him that I was not coming to DC. He said that when I told him Ithat he felt like I he liked me and was more invested in us than I am. I just said okay. Then I told him that I’m coming this weekend but I’m going to the club. This is the same club that he told me he didn’t want to go to last time because he didn’t want to wear dress shoes on a Friday night. So he asked if he could see me before I left. I asked when he said he doesn’t kno what time I’m coming in so I said I’m probably getting there just in time to go to the party.

    He said “it’s okay” so I responded saying idk what that means. He said he wants to see me but if we don’t get to see each other that’s okay so I told him that I still feel mad. He asked why and I said because my text got ignored for a whole week and then the text today made me feel irritated and that I had not made any plans too see him this weekend because we were not on speaking terms.

    I jus feel like there’s nothing I can say to him because any response would be masculine energy cuz his responses to me are so feminine energy.

    Friday, 29 June 2012 @ 12:09am

  112. 112: EmoticonNo Gravatar says:

    So sorry to spam tonight but I need to bent about this and clearly everyone is tired of hearing me talk about it.

    The guy who texted me this morning who I had not spoken to in a week eventually called but I was busy at work so I didn’t pick up and then responded to tell him I would call back later. I called twice maybe two hours later and four hours later and got no response but thought nothing of it cuz I know he usually has bad service at home.

    So he eventually called back and jus talking in circles. We got off the phone, then I called him back and asked why he never responded to my text telling him that I was not coming to DC. He said that when I told him Ithat he felt like I he liked me and was more invested in us than I am. I just said okay. Then I told him that I’m coming this weekend but I’m going to the club. This is the same club that he told me he didn’t want to go to last time because he didn’t want to wear dress shoes on a Friday night. So he asked if he could see me before I left. I asked when he said he doesn’t kno what time I’m coming in so I said I’m probably getting there just in time to go to the party.

    He said “it’s okay” so I responded saying idk what that means. He said he wants to see me but if we don’t get to see each other that’s okay so I told him that I still feel mad. He asked why and I said because my text got ignored for a whole week and then the text today made me feel irritated and that I had not made any plans too see him this weekend because we were not on speaking terms.

    I jus feel like there’s nothing I can say to him because any response would be masculine energy cuz his responses to me are so feminine energy.

    Friday, 29 June 2012 @ 12:09am

  113. 113: TamNo Gravatar says:

    ‘We think saying ‘no’ will push men away, but it really draws them closer. It’s all about knowing and trusting your boundaries. I know and trust my boundary of not loaning someone money in his circumstances, and so it worked out. I think it only pushes men away when we aren’t trusting our boundaries (they sense it and get resentful because it’s like you’re arbitrarily putting them through a ringer) or are punishing with ‘boundaries’’

    I just read this and would like to think so. However, I have made the experience that with a man with whom I had little boundaries before, the sudden arrival of me having boundaries drove him mad and I think he might have thought it was a ‘game’ . He was also confused and said I dange a carrot in front of him (sex) and then reject him. Meanwhile I just stated my boundary, not to have sex in a ‘friends with benefits’ concept but only if heading towards a committed relationship – because else it makes me feel bad. He respected it and said ‘I want to show you it’s not all about sex’ – but in the end I wonder if he thought I played a game…which I did not!! Hrmpf.

    Friday, 29 June 2012 @ 12:12am

  114. 114: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Siren Song,

    Re the man who loves you, I feel curious,

    Did you keep CD-ing cus he was not offering the love and committment you want?

    Friday, 29 June 2012 @ 12:14am

  115. 115: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Emoticon,

    I am unsure the context behind the ‘I miss your face’ text, so not sure how you feel about receiving that
    text,

    However, if it was me, I would touch in and try to see what I felt, and then express that, regardless of the situation or whether it was the text you wanted him to send, and regardless of any judgements we might make about the text, I would aim to stay with my feelings.

    Without knowing the full background, that text sounds quite sweet to me.

    It would probably make me melt, so that might look like ‘Aww, I feel so tingly recieving that text, I miss you too’

    or maybe, depending how I was feeling ‘Thank you. It feels good to receive that text and also I feel a bit frustrated’ – probably only use this if you feel like you are wanting more.

    Sometimes guys just need an easy way to approach, and won’t start by addressing whatever issues there are, but will start by something mundane and in the moment.

    I think we could learn a thing or two from them here.

    Remember our job is just to be open and warm, follow our feelings and trust our boundaries.

    xoxox

    Friday, 29 June 2012 @ 12:20am

  116. 116: EmoticonNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks Ella. Thanks for your suggestions. My natural reaction was to ignore the message because I was not ready to talk and felt like crying but I was feeling so pressured because he was tweeting and calling and all my friends kept saying I was over reacting.

    I was def not ready to be open especially after feeling shut off for so long. I do admit that I could have handled the situation a lot better.

    I feel so sad now.
    I feel like my feelings aren’t being honored, yet I feel expected to honor his feelings.

    Friday, 29 June 2012 @ 12:25am

  117. 117: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Tam, don’t worry about what he thinks!

    :-)

    How great that you stood up for yourself by sticking to your boundary.

    Friday, 29 June 2012 @ 12:28am

  118. 118: EmoticonNo Gravatar says:

    Everybody keeps saying I probably hurt his feelings but honestly MY feelings were hurt n that’s what I’m concerned about. I said I wasn’t coming I apologized n then hot cut off for a week.that hurt my feelings

    Friday, 29 June 2012 @ 12:35am

  119. 119: EmoticonNo Gravatar says:

    Everybody keeps saying I probably hurt his feelings but honestly MY feelings were hurt n that’s what I’m concerned about. I said I wasn’t coming I apologized n then hot cut off for a week.that hurt my feelings

    Friday, 29 June 2012 @ 12:35am

  120. 120: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    (((((Emoticon)))))

    You feel how you feel.

    Don’t worry about what he thinks of it!

    And you can practice expressing. Even the trickier stuff.

    It seems to me you are doing a good job, and Spam away the blog… :-)

    Umm, maybe he is too fem energy for you and that doesn’t feel good. Although, him calling and texting and contacting your friends seems a bit more masc. What do you think?

    And still you can totally honour your feelings. And if you feel upset/angry this is fine too, AND you can express it if you want to.

    xoxox

    Friday, 29 June 2012 @ 12:37am

  121. 121: TamNo Gravatar says:

    117 – thanks Ella :)

    Friday, 29 June 2012 @ 2:31am

  122. 122: GoldenflowerNo Gravatar says:

    We think saying ‘no’ will push men away, but it really draws them closer. It’s all about knowing and trusting your boundaries. I know and trust my boundary of not loaning someone money in his circumstances, and so it worked out. I think it only pushes men away when we aren’t trusting our boundaries (they sense it and get resentful because it’s like you’re arbitrarily putting them through a ringer) or are punishing with ‘boundaries’.

    Starla, i really like this concept, and the story of your friend. You inspired him to be more masculine. Yes I think it is in our best interests to beleive that men can look after themselves and can sort themselves out. Any that expect women to support or feed them emotional energy are just going to drain us and lower our own self esteem, and make us more masculine energy. I dont want a man I have to look after. Not any more, I used to expect that I was the more powerful, more wise partner and was always attracting needy men. This is from my father relationship, my father is a child man who I beleive has aspergers syndrome. I always learnt to look after him socially and almost apologise for how he is, when he was actually cold and violent to me as a child. So i expect this is why my relationships with men until now have had to feel like i have more power, more to give than them, that i have to fix them. This is the first time I’v realised this fully. a breakthrough. I’m thinking of starting counselling again next month. thanks for reading. xx

    Friday, 29 June 2012 @ 3:25am

  123. 123: GoldenflowerNo Gravatar says:

    119: Emoticon says:
    Everybody keeps saying I probably hurt his feelings but honestly MY feelings were hurt n that’s what I’m concerned about. I said I wasn’t coming I apologized n then hot cut off for a week.that hurt my feelings

    Friday, 29 June 2012 @ 12:35am
    Ella says:
    You feel how you feel.
    Don’t worry about what he thinks of it!
    And you can practice expressing. Even the trickier stuff.

    I agree with Ella, you can use this as a way to express how you feel, how you express anger. I recall reading something like “I’m not interested in hot and cold behaviour, it turns me off” , may have been Christian Carter materials. This could be a response which might get his attention if he goes cold again at any point. Its good he stepped up and tried to contact you though. he maybe was unsure how you felt about him and if you wanted to see him at all that weekend. But basically this sounds like more of a misunderstanding to me. The problem is that guys do tend to clam up, especially if they feel hurt or unsure of where they stand. Hmm I’m sure there must be a way of dealing with this in some of Rori’s materials, anyone got more knowledge of dealing with a no communication situation?

    Friday, 29 June 2012 @ 3:48am

  124. 124: LindaNo Gravatar says:

    Good Morning

    This is some information from EVan M Katz I saved it because… it is just plain good wisdom speaking. I love the often black and whiteness from him.

    His topic was what to do with a “selfish man” . Unfortunately this is the type of man I was with

    …….

    The hard truth is: no matter what you do, no matter what I do, there will always be selfish men in the world. There’s no point in wishing them away or expecting that they’ll suddenly decide that your needs are more important than theirs.

    Literally, the ONLY thing you can do when you encounter a man who is not giving you the commitment you deserve is to break up with him, instead of waiting for him to change.

    What’s the EXACT amount of time you should give him? Is it two months? Is it three months? If he was excited enough about you to be your boyfriend, he would have acted on that excitement in the first few months. That’s what guys do.

    Sure, there are exceptions to this rule; but the exceptions don’t disprove the rule.

    A guy who’s into you from the beginning has a much better chance of standing tall a year later than a guy who’s taken 4 months to decide if you’re worthy of seeing him more than once a week.

    My not-so-radical stance on this phenomenon, hereby dubbed “DUMP HIS A*S!” – will leave you with fewer men, but only because you won’t be wasting time.

    Dumping the once a week guy after a few months also happens to free you up to find yourself a good man, one who makes an effort to see you, one who voluntarily asks for exclusivity, one who is sincere in his desire to build a future together.

    What I can tell you that you’re far better off being single than you are,waiting for crumbs from some guy who can’t be bothered with things like “the phone” or “taking down his profile”.

    Just know that a man can’t treat you poorly if you don’t allow him to.

    Every day, I hear:

    MEN are the ones who slept with me and didn’t call.
    MEN are the ones who acted like they cared and backed off.
    MEN are the ones who allowed me to fall in love when they wouldn’t commit.

    And all you’re telling me to do is MOVE ON?

    That’s the hard part. Because it just doesn’t seem fair.

    But there’s nothing you can do to change your past.
    All you can do is vow not to make the same mistakes again – which means no more charming, charismatic, commitmentphobes who put their needs above yours.

    From now on, the only things that will determine whether you let him into your heart are his kindness, his consistency, and his character.

    If a guy doesn’t give you that, ditch him.

    Your ability to walk away IS your greatest power over bad men.

    Once you understand that you’ll never stop attracting selfish guys, but you can instantly get rid of them, you’ll notice that dating is a lot less painful, and a lot more satisfying.

    So do yourself a favor. Cut off that guy who you’ve been seeing for three months who still isn’t stepping up to commit to you.

    Watch as the weight sloughs off your shoulders because you’re free of the anxiety of wondering where things are going.

    With the right guy, there is no wondering.
    ……………

    I love this! Like I wrote yesterday here… I am believing that the men like this and men who “poof” on me are just making room for “MY MAN”

    Linda

    Friday, 29 June 2012 @ 4:12am

  125. 125: LindaNo Gravatar says:

    I am an understanding person. I want to become more about me focused. I want a man who is going to do what I Need and Want. I want the ebb and flow of a relationship where both of us are healthy and willing to give and invest in each other. I want…

    I want…

    No more putting up with men who dont give to me.
    No more men who are into talk and dont listen
    No more men who dont step up.
    No more men who ignore me and my needs.
    No more men who whine about their pasts and use that as their reason to enable their bad behavior now.
    No MORE NO MORE!

    Linda

    Friday, 29 June 2012 @ 4:21am

  126. 126: Sun GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Sirens! I’ve been thinking about you all lately. Things are going awesomely with Music Man and I have completely let go of LP. Music Man says he is addicted to me….I’ve never felt more like a siren. :)

    I also received good news from my doctor (thanks to Flowerchild’s advice a few months ago)!! Hope you all are doing well.

    (((Esteemed))))

    Friday, 29 June 2012 @ 5:34am

  127. 127: EmoticonNo Gravatar says:

    Ella and goldenflower thank you.

    Goldenflower I really am disinterested in the hot and cold behavior.

    And I don’t want to be shut out of someone’s life for a week just because I changed my mind about something because it felt like too much.

    I want to be loving to myself and if I feel that the most loving thing I can do for myself is so schedule a weekend of rest then yes I will forget about traveling five hours as much as I wanna see you and I did express that I wanted to see him when I told him I wasn’t coming. I would have probably given a better explanation had the conversation continued after that.

    I did what I felt was best. I went to the fitting for my photoshoot then had a restful friday night, picked my friend up and Saturday (she came to me since I can Ellen my trip) and then had a nice night IN.

    I feel drained very easily and that’s probably something I need to fix but I will not Llow myself to feel drained because I’m afraid to disappoint people.

    Friday, 29 June 2012 @ 5:35am

  128. 128: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Sun Goddess I feel so happy to read your news.

    Friday, 29 June 2012 @ 5:47am

  129. 129: LenaNo Gravatar says:

    Hi, everyone:)

    Have a question re how to behave. I am dating this guy for almost 6 month now. Its a very hard and complex “relationship” mostly because of me. The guy wanted a relationship but I guess I wasnt ready. The big L word was dropped too. We fought like crazy recently, mostly because he became more distant and cold with me and I sort of “warmed up” to him.

    A week ago we had a fight and than he asked for “time”. I freaked out. Yesterday he called and said that he doesnt know how he feels. I asked if he wants me to stay away or give him time – he couldnt answer. He told me he is not a quitter and that he will call back. He did call back but I was sleeping already. Today I sent him a message that I was asleep, thinking he will call but he didnt. So I am puzzled now what to do. It does all feels different with him now – I cant read him at all. I feel yucky and insecure. Whats that “I dont know what I feel” means? That he doesnt love me anymore?

    Friday, 29 June 2012 @ 5:51am

  130. 130: Sun GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks FW! I’ve never been happier or treated so wonderfully!!

    Friday, 29 June 2012 @ 5:58am

  131. 131: CalypsoNo Gravatar says:

    My date with farmer CD had to be cancelled. It is so terribly hot here right now that he can’t leave his farm. He raises cows and chickens and he has 3 chicken houses with 66,000 chickens and when it is this hot, he has to walk the hosues every two hours and make them all stand up and drink water!

    He was so sweet when he called to tell me! We talked twice last night. I asked him a million questions and he finally asked me if I wanted to visit him on his farm – YES! Yes, I do!!!

    I have to work long hours today and tomorrow and Sunday I will be spending time with my mom, so I’m not sure when i will get to actually meet this man, but I’m fascinated by him right now and I really hope i feel the same way after meeting him.

    He has a huge family – he grew up in a family of 12 kids – 6 boys and 6 girls! Wow! Having a relationship with someone with strong family values is important to me. His kids are grown and he has 2 grand daughters and everyone in the family is close – i love that!

    There are things about him that remind me very much of GM – I figured out one of those reasons last night – they have the same birthday!!! Wow – At least I know what to expect from a Virgo man Pices woman relationship . . . if we decide to see each other, knowing what to expect in the tough times will be a huge help to me – thankful to GM for those lessons ~

    I’m still talking with 2 other POF guys, but Farmer CD has all of my intereast right now. I’m drawn to the sound of his voice and the way he handles his life.

    ready to be surprised by where this leads us ~

    Friday, 29 June 2012 @ 5:59am

  132. 132: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    No Lena. He doesn’t know. Time and history will help him if you keep being warm and oipen to him.

    Friday, 29 June 2012 @ 6:08am

  133. 133: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    No Lena. He doesn’t know. Time and history will help him if you keep being warm and oipen to him.

    Friday, 29 June 2012 @ 6:08am

  134. 134: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Sun Goddess do you mind sharing the news from the doctor? What was the advice, stopping the use of sugar?

    Friday, 29 June 2012 @ 6:11am

  135. 135: EsteemedNo Gravatar says:

    Sunshine,

    85 – Thank you!

    About your 20-miles-from-wonderful date, I’ve had some like that too. It may not reflect Rori’s tools, but I, also, feel bad letting the guy pay when I know darn well there is no chemistry. So I will offer to go Dutch.

    With one guy recently, Vintage, when he started to pursue me after our first date, I told him in an email I would like to be friends but didn’t feel it romantically. He dropped it.

    With the other guy, I know I would never marry him in a million years, yet I enjoy his company. I feel comfortable with him, and I feel like I can totally be myself with him. He doesn’t have the best texting approach, and he sounds mentally handicapped when he talks, even though he is not. I guess the reason I have left the door open on that one is I just see such a huge heart of love, and I think he is so clueless about dating that he is just fine with just a friendship. So I am letting it rest at that.

    Recently, he said he would like to take me out again as soon as he can afford to. I offered to go Dutch on our first date, and I offered to go Dutch at that juncture. He said, no, I want to pay.

    So I will just go with the flow on that one.

    I think it was wise to not let him know exactly where you live, and I keep coming back to what Daria brought home for me, that ultimately ALL but one will reject me. So the same goes for a man. And if I am one more rejecting him (or walking away, as I prefer to call it), he is one woman closer to The One for him.

    Friday, 29 June 2012 @ 6:13am

  136. 136: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    “Once you have decided on a woman you want to fall hopelessly in love with you, here is a sure-fire way to make that happen. First, make sure you are alone with her and that you have her undivided attention. Next, face her squarely, and fix your gaze on her, right into her eyes. One of two things will happen. She will become uncomfortable and avert her eyes, possibly even shifting herself in her chair to break the connection between you. Another possibility is that she will have to suppress the urge to laugh. When either of those events come to pass, whatever you do, don’t stop staring deeply into her eyes! Her reaction shows you that it’s working. And if she goes to fetch her father or older brother to escort you out of the house, that only means that she is so smitten that she can no longer trust herself to be alone with you.”

    Friday, 29 June 2012 @ 6:15am

  137. 137: EsteemedNo Gravatar says:

    (((Sun Goddess))),

    126 – Thanks for the hugs! Hugs to you!

    Friday, 29 June 2012 @ 6:18am

  138. 138: EsteemedNo Gravatar says:

    (((Smile))),

    Thanks! Right back at you!

    Love Actually,

    Thank you! I feel tense about my financial situation, but I feel okay about what happened. I accept that it wasn’t meant to be.

    Friday, 29 June 2012 @ 6:19am

  139. 139: LenaNo Gravatar says:

    Hi, FW!:)

    I am back:)

    What is “warm and open”? Should I initiate conversations, etc?

    Friday, 29 June 2012 @ 6:32am

  140. 140: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Lena it would be better if you allow him to approach you. He sounds like a good guy from what you had said. I believe he might be confused because of how he feels when we was around you.

    Friday, 29 June 2012 @ 6:40am

  141. 141: Sun GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    FW,

    The cells have returned to normal cells!! I stopped drinking soda and started taking some natural pills.

    Friday, 29 June 2012 @ 6:41am

  142. 142: LenaNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you:)

    Friday, 29 June 2012 @ 6:42am

  143. 143: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    OMG Sun Goddess thanks for sharing that I have to share it with my counsins wife. She did surgery for breast cancer on Tuesday.

    Friday, 29 June 2012 @ 6:48am

  144. 144: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Natural pills as in vitamins?

    Friday, 29 June 2012 @ 6:51am

  145. 145: EsteemedNo Gravatar says:

    I finally had a chance to read the thread article from Rori. It is superb! I finally GET this stuff. It has taken me so long to open my eyes!

    Naturally, I related Rori’s advice to my relationship with R. I can see more clearly why that was crazy making to me, too. Because at many, many junctures, he was giving the message that it was romantic by his actions, yet saying it wasn’t with his words.

    I didn’t have the advanced skills to discuss it as Rori says. So I kept falling on my nose! The way I have finally come to peace about R is to strictly regard him as a friend.

    That way I don’t have any expectations. I still sense there is more in his heart for me than just friendship, but I no longer allow my heart to get wrapped around that. I still believe R will be my husband someday, but, in order to keep my sanity, as Rori says, he is strictly a friend.

    And I feel so grateful that I am finally built up enough emotionally that I can just let go of him when he is not in my presence or on my phone. I have a nice circle of friends outside of R, and I include all of you in that circle!

    I have really missed hanging out on the blog, LOL! it feels good to be back! I still intend to catch up on responses to some of you on recent threads.

    Last night I let him know I was fired, and he gave me some wise advice and called me. I have longed to feel this kind of support from him! Both he and I have grown so much!

    Then when he had to get off the phone after 7 min (his Mom was coming in, and he keeps his calls private from her), I felt ok with it. In the past, I would have been hounding him. I was able to just say sweetly, “Okay, well thanks for calling!” And just leave the call with peace!

    Because I now feel secure that he will contact me again! Sure, I still feel romantic feelings in my heart for him. But I won’t act on them or voice them until or unless he does.

    In the meantime, I trust him totally and I saw a very beautiful part of his heart on Tuesday when he helped me and took care of my kittens at the vet! I feel happy!

    Friday, 29 June 2012 @ 6:56am

  146. 146: EsteemedNo Gravatar says:

    Sun Goddess,

    141 – Congratulations! So drinking soda causes cancer? I wonder if that includes diet soda?

    I feel curious…what kind of natural pills?

    Friday, 29 June 2012 @ 7:00am

  147. 147: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    (((((((((((((((Colorado)))))))))))))

    Friday, 29 June 2012 @ 7:08am

  148. 148: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    You have to play hard to get if you want to make a man commit – Disagree.

    Playing hard to get, unavailable, and uninterested only makes an unavailable man chase you. He is not after a relationship with you; he is only after the chase. Once the chase is over he loses interest. This is not because you stop playing hard to get; this is simply because a man who is attracted by the thrill of the chase is not interested in a serious relationship to begin with. He is merely after the chase itself disregarding the woman who initiates the chase. This man is immature, and the woman who feels the need to play hard to get is immature as well. Water finds its own level. If you are playing hard to get you will attract the kind of men who are after the challenge. If you want to get a man who is looking for a serious relationship, you should be honest with him and not play games

    http://commitment-relationship.com/3-tips-to-make-a-man-want-a-serious-relationship-agree-or-disagree/

    Friday, 29 June 2012 @ 7:16am

  149. 149: TereanaNo Gravatar says:

    Starla – sounds like something nice happened with that guy! Yes, you are right – I believe they do appreciate it when we stand by our boundaries.

    And don’t worry. Spam is okay! I totally spammed right before bed : )

    Friday, 29 June 2012 @ 7:17am

  150. 150: lkNo Gravatar says:

    sun goddess !!!! wonderful !!! i feel like jumping up & down : )))

    Friday, 29 June 2012 @ 7:19am

  151. 151: T-GirlNo Gravatar says:

    Happy Birthday Brandylion! I think that we live in the same city now :)

    Friday, 29 June 2012 @ 7:23am

  152. 152: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    How aware are you that when bad things happen or something that you didn’t want to happen, happens, you have a choice of whether to break down or break open? This is what Elizabeth Lesser’s book, Broken Open, is about. It’s about using all our challenging life situations to open, on deeper and deeper levels, to our true, core essential selves. Unfortunately, many people do the opposite when deeply challenged—they numb and hide and avoid. They are afraid that if they let themselves break open to their deeper, spiritual selves, they will not be able to handle the painful feelings of heartbreak, loneliness, grief and helplessness over others and circumstances.

    http://www.innerbonding.com/show-article/3192/breaking-down-or-breaking-open.html

    Friday, 29 June 2012 @ 7:23am

  153. 153: lkNo Gravatar says:

    thank you, femininewoman…..

    i woke up to the strong smell of smoke & for the past few days have been seeing plumes & even *flames* off my porch on monday…….

    ((((((rain))))))

    i think this is one of the best maps for social/media purposes. not as accurate as the ones our emergency teams are generating, but flexible & interactive. activating the “wildfire potential” layer is particularly “enlightening”…

    http://www.esri.com/services/disaster-response/wildlandfire/latest-news-map.html

    Friday, 29 June 2012 @ 7:25am

  154. 154: GoldenflowerNo Gravatar says:

    Linda
    My not-so-radical stance on this phenomenon, hereby dubbed “DUMP HIS A*S!” – will leave you with fewer men, but only because you won’t be wasting time.
    Dumping the once a week guy after a few months also happens to free you up to find yourself a good man, one who makes an effort to see you, one who voluntarily asks for exclusivity, one who is sincere in his desire to build a future together.

    From now on, the only things that will determine whether you let him into your heart are his kindness, his consistency, and his character.

    If a guy doesn’t give you that, ditch him.

    Your ability to walk away IS your greatest power over bad men.

    This guy makes sense. I guess because its validation of what women tend to go through with all this stuff. Linda, thankyou for posting the whole thing, it is very much an empowering piece to read. And its by a man so it is good to know that this is also an opinion men hold about other men.
    xx

    Friday, 29 June 2012 @ 7:27am

  155. 155: TereanaNo Gravatar says:

    Speaking of boundaries, I think J might finally leave me alone. Sheesh!

    He’s been hounding me for over a year to have sex with him. First, he told me that he wouldn’t have sex on the first date (so virtuous of him). But then there was never a second date. Just numerous invitations for me to somehow teleport to his house and lick his c*ck. (Glorious, I know.) To which, I of course always said, “No way, Jose. You want anything, you come to me.”

    He didn’t seem to understand the English language at that point.

    Most recently, he finally *did* offer to come to my house (only because he already had to be in the area for a class). First I didn’t respond. Then, when he bugged me again, I said no, because I didn’t want to have casual sex.

    Then he proposed that we *might* have a relationship if we had sex together. So I said, “Sorry, dude. It doesn’t work that way for me.” (not my exact words, but that’s the gist…)

    He STILL didn’t get it.

    I had to tell him MULTIPLE TIMES!!!

    I said it didn’t feel good to be pushed to do something I didn’t want to do. He said I didn’t have to do anything I didn’t want to do. But the implication was that that meant “no relationship.” i.e. I had to do it his way, if I “wanted a relationship.” This guy is the master of carrots and sticks. I say what I want, and then he finds a way to use that to get me to do what he wants. And I feel this manipulative use of my stated desire, and that feels icky, but it doesn’t really translate, since I never said I wanted a relationship with HIM. I just want one, before I have sex next.

    I think he just can’t take no for an answer. He is so narcissistic that he has to believe that every woman wants him, without him having to do any work or put forth any effort. He doesn’t want someone like me – who requires work and effort and commitment. He wants some easy playboy bunny girl who will jump at his every whim and command, and who he will eventually leave without caring at all, because he doesn’t respect her. But I am worthy of respect. And I am not going to do something with him that would reduce my respect for self. Because I would rather have that than sex with him any day.

    For a while, he still liked me. That always feels nice.But to be with him would be really unpleasant. I actually want him to go away. I think he’s finally gotten the message. We’ll see. I hope so….

    Friday, 29 June 2012 @ 7:27am

  156. 156: T-GirlNo Gravatar says:

    Sun Goddess, it is so great to hear your news!

    Friday, 29 June 2012 @ 7:28am

  157. 157: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Instead of working so hard at the relationship, I worked hard on myself and on the rest of my life. I told myself that I’d be all right no matter what, and that if I stuck to my own plan, I’d have the relationship I wanted, even if it wasn’t with him.

    And that’s when things REALLY started to MOVE. The “energy” between us changed completely. In my mind I became a prize he needed to pursue in order to “win,” rather than something he was already guaranteed to have for the rest of his life. And almost instantly – he started FEELING that same way.

    I focused on making myself happy instead of trying to make HIM happy. I spoke to him like he was a ROOMATE I was sleeping with, instead of like a potential husband. And then, everything changed. Quickly.

    http://www.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/catalog/commitmentblueprint.html?s=10563&e=1&cid=Z34JZZ&lid=2&sbid=sTnh

    Friday, 29 June 2012 @ 7:33am

  158. 158: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    I totally stepped forward and texed him. Opps!

    I guess a little slip is ok as long as he is doing most of the chasing right…?! We text for the rest of the eve and it was nice.

    I’m looking for reassurance…

    Friday, 29 June 2012 @ 7:36am

  159. 159: TereanaNo Gravatar says:

    goldenflower – I like what you just wrote to Linda. Sounds like something I’ve read before. Was that from a different coach? Seems really familiar, but I can’t think of who it was…said basically the same exact thing.

    And it totally applies to what I just said about J.

    No kindness + no presence at all = no character and NO RELATIONSHIP!!

    Pretending that it might would be a waste of time…

    Friday, 29 June 2012 @ 7:36am

  160. 160: TereanaNo Gravatar says:

    Smile – it’s okay. One text once in a while won’t be the end of it. As you said, as long as he is doing most of the chasing. And there’s also the handy phrase, “You can’t say the wrong thing to the right person.” So if he IS “the right guy,” one text would *not* scare him away. lol

    You can relax : )

    …and wait for him to text first next time!

    Friday, 29 June 2012 @ 7:40am

  161. 161: GoldenflowerNo Gravatar says:

    154: Tereana
    This guy sounds like he’s not worthy of your words or your time in any way. You have made it clear to him what you want, so there is no negotiating on this. If you feel he is in any way pressuring you for sex then he is a creep and I would cut contact with him.
    I’m trying to do this with a guy who has pulled the booty texts in the past but now claims he wants to do things my way. I dont buy it at all, and my instincts about him are that we’r just not suited at all.

    Friday, 29 June 2012 @ 7:42am

  162. 162: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks terena. I have been doing so well with this! I think I’ve made the shift from wanting to text out of fear and insecurity. This time I just felt like it..! I think…!? Well it would have been worse if he had ignored me but quite the opposite so panic over. Thanks

    And yes… I’ll sit on my hands now lol!

    Friday, 29 June 2012 @ 7:50am

  163. 163: GoldenflowerNo Gravatar says:

    Linda posted the article from EVan M Katz on selfish men. I may have to read more on this. I will visualise my perfect man too. I’m a bit down today. I Dj’d last night, but it was stressful due to having to cover all the performances as well as play my set. I dont Dj very much, now and then for a friends club. But mainly I was down because the guy I met last week didnt show up, after he messaged me that he was. And I havent heard from him about it at all. Maybe thats it, he got cold feet. he said he was ill, but i just saw that in a post he made. Nevermind, i guess he has his reasons for not contacting me. I just hope I didnt lean forward too much again. I didnt lead , just responded to his messages. I also wonder if the fact it was a Burlesque night made him feel uncomfortable at all. I dont perform i just Dj at it. Anyway, no point making it a negative I guess. I miss my ex when i feel sad. I feel lonely and i feel my heart is raw and sore , and i feel angry at myself for putting on a happy face around everyone and trying to care for them, when i need to care for myself. I feel old, i feel sick of feeling sad, I feel like i am on a seesaw which tips up and down, some days i@m in between. I love myself, i am aiming love into my heart to heal all that i feel is lost. I love myself enough to hold out for the right person. I love myself enough to make standards which i will not compromise on, i will name and hold my boundaries. NEXT!!!!

    Friday, 29 June 2012 @ 7:54am

  164. 164: BrandylionNo Gravatar says:

    Starla, yes–today is my birthday! 31! I wonder if the Baskin Robbins near me would let me sample every one of their flavors… :-)

    Friday, 29 June 2012 @ 7:57am

  165. 165: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    Goldenflower your lifestyle sounds ace. I find it interesting reading about other people’s jobs etc. Totally different for mine lol.

    Friday, 29 June 2012 @ 8:18am

  166. 166: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    Brandylion happy birthday 

    Friday, 29 June 2012 @ 8:20am

  167. 167: BrandylionNo Gravatar says:

    T-Girl, #151: Thank you! I’m only here until August 4, actually, but we are definitely in the same city right now. :-)

    Friday, 29 June 2012 @ 8:22am

  168. 168: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    Happy, Happy, Happy Day!!!

    xxoo

    Friday, 29 June 2012 @ 8:26am

  169. 169: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    that was for Brandylion…

    xxoo

    Friday, 29 June 2012 @ 8:27am

  170. 170: EsteemedNo Gravatar says:

    Brandylion,

    Happy Birthday!!!

    Friday, 29 June 2012 @ 8:36am

  171. 171: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Happy Birthday Brandylion. I hope you find a ColdStone that does that.

    Friday, 29 June 2012 @ 8:46am

  172. 172: turquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Happy Birthday Brandylion!

    Sirens….. I feel like I”m at a crossroads and need to decide which route to travel. There are so many different areas in my life that I could focus on…. but I’m really feeling drawn to creating more income. I feel insecure with my finances, just not enough savings. I can pay all my bills which is a relief, but if too many extras show up in a month, I’m tight. I believe my nervousness regarding my finances affects my vibe and also a part of me is still hoping a guy will come save the day and help me financially. Which would be great in the long run, to have two incomes. But for now, I need to be able to take care of myself better.

    I’ve tried a few side businesses over the years. I used to put peoples home movies onto DVD for them, add music and titles, special effects and edit out the bad filming, like putting the camera down and it still running….

    Then, I sold scrapbooking supplies. Unfortunately I had to sell a certain amount each quarter to stay active, so I purchased a lot, and actually got myself in some decent credit card debt over it. So, no more of those jobs.

    That actually led me to my candy making business. Which, has been the most profitable. But, hard to sell chocolate in the summer…. except for weddings.

    I also love photography and would like to upgrade my camera. I’ve never charged anyone, but wouldn’t mind getting more into that.

    I wrote a children’s book for my girls and their dad (about him being in the service) and have wanted to try and get that published.

    I have always felt that it’s sort of a hindrence that I’m good at a lot of things, but not amazingly drawn to one. I haven’t been able to choose which one I want to do the most, and try to turn into something big… because I like it all. Last night Mr. Conversation told me that I should think of it as a gift, and do them all.

    I feel ready to start something up again, I’m happiest when I’m most productive, and I’d really like to get a new car, so I need to generate at least an extra $500 a month.

    I feel that by working full time, having a side business and being a good mom…. won’t be much time left over to date, and being in a happy relationship is also very important to me. Wondering how I can balance all this out.

    Any suggestions? I’m getting rid of all my clutter, not much left now. I just read an article about how much time we spend in our lives looking for stuff, like one whole year of our life is just spent looking… and how draining it is. I’ve made huge progress in my garage, and just need to go through one walk in closet, and I’ll be done! It’s not something I think about everyday, but I’m really ready to not have any physical clutter creating mental clutter.

    I’ve also lost 5 pounds, without even trying, in the last 2 weeks… I love summer!

    Friday, 29 June 2012 @ 8:46am

  173. 173: AnnieNo Gravatar says:

    I feel unsure on if this is the best place to get advice on specific things.

    Wanted to know what others did.
    Ask on latest thread?
    Or old related ones?

    Rori wrote “I know you must have a seriously painful childhood behind you, with lying, abuse, distrust, pain…and THIS is what we must address.”

    Since doing the tools and CDing and reading have the relationship you want I feel reconnected and am healing.

    I like Sara who Rori is writing about also have a seriously painful childhood behind me with lying, abuse, distrust, pain

    I wanted to know the best way to address this and how to heal this trauma.
    I have PTSD and flashbacks sometimes.
    I have read that victims who have suffered trauma and went into freeze and dissociated rather than flight or flight need specific help.
    I want to know what is this specific help?

    I feel unsure on how or where to get the best help and do more work on myself to feel enabled to have happy healthy relationships.

    Does anyone know?

    Friday, 29 June 2012 @ 8:47am

  174. 174: GoldenflowerNo Gravatar says:

    164: Smile says:
    Goldenflower your lifestyle sounds ace. I find it interesting reading about other people’s jobs etc. Totally different for mine lol.

    Thankyou Smile. Oh, its just a small part of my life alas. I work as librarian rest of the time, and do art as often as I can too. I guess i am really lucky to have a good job, i feel I should appreciate and love that more than i do. Focus on the positive things I have going. I have been ignoring my career for ages now, just getting by, turning up rather than engaging fully. Have focussed only on my love life more than other areas. Re-balance needed. I lost my voice last night and feel quite ill today. This wekend will be all about healing as much as I can, resting, doing good things for me. No more rock n roll at present. xx

    Friday, 29 June 2012 @ 8:56am

  175. 175: LilybellyNo Gravatar says:

    Annie~

    As someone who cares deeply for a man with Combat PTSD, the best word of advice I can give you is to seek out a support/therapy group for dealing with your PTSD and/or individualized, specialized counseling.

    It is a gift that only you can give yourself and those that love you.

    xoxo

    Friday, 29 June 2012 @ 8:58am

  176. 176: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Esteemed re 146

    It definitely includes diet soda in my opinion.

    xoxox

    Friday, 29 June 2012 @ 9:00am

  177. 177: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Annie, I see a therapist and it’s a sloooowwww healing but it is a genuine healing. I believe big immediate shifts are possible, but I’ve never experienced a quick cure. I see women here doing EFT and declaring shifts, but they’re back at the same issues a few days or weeks later. However, perhaps with some dedication to regular EFT, it would have a more ‘permanent’ affect. So what I’m saying is, whatever course you choose, it takes commitment and patience.

    I used to be really anti-therapy but it seriously helps me.

    Friday, 29 June 2012 @ 9:02am

  178. 178: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    Diet soda is likely more of a danger since it’s sweetened with chemicals.

    What about soaking fresh fruits in soda water overnight. You can add some stevia for sweetness.

    The fruits are still good for consumption after.

    xxoo

    Friday, 29 June 2012 @ 9:06am

  179. 179: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Oh dear Sirens, I lost it.
    I was going to a seminar regarding job search things, one that they offer as compulsory stuff you have to do when you ask for benefit here….so i get there 5 minutes late (because of a train delay). I apologised and I had actually run to the place…and I am never late, so I was embarrassed as it was.
    So the ‘teacher-type’ who led the seminar, starts to tell me off like a 6 year old child, about how I can’t expect to find a job if I am already late for a seminar, and bla bla bla.
    I was sweating like a maniac from running, and as he stopped went into a tirade and ‘let him have it’, all my anger came out. I told him ‘how dare you tell me what I must do to get a job, I worked abroad for 18 years, and never once was late (I am afraid this is true), bla bla bla. I just talked him to the wall, a 5’2 fury woman in high heels and a red dress. He was speechless. I felt so much better. Everybody smiled. And in the end a girl came up to me and said ‘oh well done, I admire you, you stood up for yourself’.
    I just don’t care anymore these days I guess…and I am the one who a teacher in school once called a ‘grey mouse’. No more grey mouse!
    However, I did not use any feeling messages ;)
    Frankly, it would have been weird with all these people there.
    I just think there are times when it needs to come out. It was better than slapping him surely?
    I don’t feel great about it, but I could not stop it.
    Pfff

    Friday, 29 June 2012 @ 9:06am

  180. 180: TamNo Gravatar says:

    what I am saying is: not sure whether this was a good or a bad thing, but for sure it felt better than doing what I would have done usually, which would have been looking sheepish and feeling inadequate/close to tears.

    Friday, 29 June 2012 @ 9:10am

  181. 181: siren songNo Gravatar says:

    EMDR is really fabulous for trauma. I had a session yesterday to help deal with abuse in my childhood and a relationship where i was cheated on. I feel calmer already.

    Friday, 29 June 2012 @ 9:13am

  182. 182: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    Golden flower- a lil bit of rock and roll sounds fun. Enjoy your relaxing weekend!

    Friday, 29 June 2012 @ 9:13am

  183. 183: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Turq,

    I feel very interested to see what you come up with around creating more income, and also balancing that with the rest of your life.

    I am in a similar position.

    xoxox

    Friday, 29 June 2012 @ 9:25am

  184. 184: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Dominique,

    What do you think about soda with fresh fruit juice??

    Too sugary?

    Still better than soda I think though.

    Friday, 29 June 2012 @ 9:28am

  185. 185: Love ActuallyNo Gravatar says:

    96: Sunshine
    ‘wonder if you told SR that you feel girly/ feminine and attracted to him if he has a thoughful date planned, even if its free. i know its usually nice for the guy to think of it without asking but rori really has had me reflect on how important it is to share what we want bcause men can at times be clueless.’

    I like how you frame this – the energy is better than when I have tried to express it – the energy for me has been demanding in these past months. He can be totally clueless, yes. I can also see, often, just how much he wants me to be happy and how if I handle it in certain ways it triggers his STRONG need to feel like its his idea and that he will actually make me happy and if he feels like he can’t or that I am ‘demanding’ he do it (even if he wants to) then he will get weird. LOL! I guess I do the same thing when I feel like someone is demanding something of me – I will cut off my nose to spite my face so to speak.

    ‘wish him the best maybe hell meet a nice cocoa butter smellin female.’

    I feel all giggly in a wicked sort of way reading this. :O

    Friday, 29 June 2012 @ 9:32am

  186. 186: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Cancer is a fungus and fungus feeds on sugar

    http://sandanyi.com/fungi-infected-foods-can-be-a-silent-killer%E2%80%A6-so-be-aware-of-what-you-eat

    Friday, 29 June 2012 @ 9:33am

  187. 187: Love ActuallyNo Gravatar says:

    97: Starla

    Oh, you are so brave. I feel so happy when I sing and I have a terrible voice and usually I only sing in the car or in the house when no one is around.

    I have thought about joining a choir and then maybe all the other voices would kind of make up for mine and I could still enjoy singing at the top of my lungs.

    I feel strong and alive when I’m singing.

    Friday, 29 June 2012 @ 9:34am

  188. 188: Love ActuallyNo Gravatar says:

    98: Brandylion

    ‘We went up the street to the playground and swung and slid and dug just like last year, but this time all five of us who went there walked back all together. It felt less magical and exhilarating, but it still felt good.’

    I feel so happy playing at the park myself – I love the swings and the slides – feels so carefree.

    I’m glad you had a good time with your friends on your birthday.

    I feel really vulnerable around my birthday and celebrations – my birthday is on boxing day and everyone is usually busy with family and still so full from christmas dinner that no one is too terribly excited about my birthday. When I was a kid, my mom always made sure to cook me my favorite meal on boxing day regardless of how tired or full she was. I love my mom! She is one of my heroes! I should call her and tell her this today – I feel such tenderness for her. (((((mom)))))

    Friday, 29 June 2012 @ 9:39am

  189. 189: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    I am feeling so much better. I do feel a bit of romance-related anxiety and discomfort, but it feels less tied to CF in particular, and more tied to getting my bearings and trusting and opening up again.

    I have this vision of this guy in my head. I’ve never seen him before. I’ve seen men who looked LIKE him, but never this particular face. I don’t know where it came from. It just came to me last night as I was pulling into the parking lot of the karaoke place to meet my friends.

    He has a very gentle way about him. That’s what keeps striking me about this vision. He’s gentle but strong. Doesn’t need to prove to anyone he is strong. He’s a big guy — not overweight, just big. He’s pretty quiet. I do most of the talking, and this does not bother him at all. He likes the sound of my voice and randomly tells me that from time to time.

    Friday, 29 June 2012 @ 9:41am

  190. 190: Love ActuallyNo Gravatar says:

    105: Tereana

    I feel excited reading that you are throwing a party for yourself – I want to celebrate this! It feels wonderfully liberating to imagine.

    Friday, 29 June 2012 @ 9:41am

  191. 191: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    love actually, my bday is december 23. I feel you!

    Friday, 29 June 2012 @ 9:42am

  192. 192: Love ActuallyNo Gravatar says:

    106: Tereana

    I can relate to this so much. I often feel ruled by my emotions. I love that I can feel things so deeply AND I don’t like that sometimes it carries me away and takes a long time to feel grounded again.

    I feel curious to know how you are coming to feel less attached to your feelings. I meditate, although not consistently yet, and I find this does help a lot as does yoga, but when I am with SR I can still get crazy triggered and carried away with my feelings.

    Friday, 29 June 2012 @ 9:44am

  193. 193: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    I know you didn’t ask me, but focusing on leveling out my blood sugar has kept me from being ruled as much by my emotions.

    Friday, 29 June 2012 @ 9:57am

  194. 194: LilybellyNo Gravatar says:

    188:

    Starla, He sounds wonderful..Really he does. I felt safe and warm reading about him.

    Friday, 29 June 2012 @ 10:04am

  195. 195: Love ActuallyNo Gravatar says:

    110: Tereana

    ‘And really, it started with my dad. He’s the most competitive person I’ve ever met. You can’t have a conversation with him, where he doesn’t try to one-up you ever other sentence, and be “right” constantly, and make you “wrong” – even if he has to say something that’s completely untrue. He “competes” with other drivers on the road. It’s ridiculous. And he has no idea that he’s doing it…’

    I feel really opened up to more possibilities about my relationship with my dad reading this – thanks for your transparency. I feel so triggered by things with my dad and am just starting to realize that it impacts other interactions in my life…so hard to unpeel the layers and be honest with myself sometimes.

    Friday, 29 June 2012 @ 10:18am

  196. 196: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Oh, Mr U has been spying on my fb page and just sent me a link on a new story regarding US visas…but no comment or anything, just the link. Should I answer? I feel a little touched that he cares….

    Friday, 29 June 2012 @ 10:24am

  197. 197: Love ActuallyNo Gravatar says:

    113: Tam

    ‘I just read this and would like to think so. However, I have made the experience that with a man with whom I had little boundaries before, the sudden arrival of me having boundaries drove him mad and I think he might have thought it was a ‘game’ ‘

    I feel intrigued by this myself. I know in the past when I have inserted boundaries where I hadn’t before it usually causes upset in the person involved. I also wonder if they think we are playing games in the assertion of our boundaries if that is related to the fact that they may play games…I don’t know really.

    Also, I have in the past thought I felt a certain way and acted from there and the other person kind of called me on it – that my tone and actions didn’t quite line up and in the end, after I thought about it, they were right, I wasn’t aware of ALL of what I was feeling and they felt it none the less.

    I have been experimenting with more no’s lately and also more honest expression of my negative feelings – I feel so much calmer when I say it right away when it comes up rather than letting it slide and I guess trying t stuff it, which I wasn’t totally aware I was doing. I have had mostly positive results from it – if even in the short term it felt otherwise – once the person has heard the no, they haven’t run away but in fact have come back with a different attitude themselves.

    I felt terrified saying no and after felt utterly empowered and then when they came back, I felt so happy and calm and further intrigued.

    I think it will take lots more practice to be ok with myself if they don’t come back…

    Friday, 29 June 2012 @ 10:26am

  198. 198: Love ActuallyNo Gravatar says:

    119: Emoticon

    I agree with Ella. Your feelings matter and if he can’t hold that space with you, then do you really want him?

    I know, way easier said than done most of the time, for me anyways.

    I feel proud of myself when I say what I feel and take care of myself and I feel inspired to read that you did the same thing!

    Friday, 29 June 2012 @ 10:28am

  199. 199: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Tam, how would it feel to be involved with men, both actively and in your headspace, who communicate with you DIRECTLY?

    Friday, 29 June 2012 @ 10:28am

  200. 200: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    I even have a vision for whereabouts he lives. It’s near CFs old apartment. There’s something vortexy about that area. Synchronicity has brought me to that apartment complex time and time again.

    Friday, 29 June 2012 @ 10:32am

  201. 201: Love ActuallyNo Gravatar says:

    124: Linda

    ‘Watch as the weight sloughs off your shoulders because you’re free of the anxiety of wondering where things are going.

    With the right guy, there is no wondering.’

    Oh, thanks for posting this. I need these reminders a lot!! It feels so freeing to remember this.

    FACT: I am worthy of fabulous and nothing less.
    FACT: I am fabulous and juicy.

    I don’t need to get upset if a man doesn’t step up, he just isn’t seeing the fabulousness of me and that’s ok. I SEE THE FABULOUNESS OF ME!! Tee Hee. This feels fabulous to say!

    I like feeling fabulous, it gives me energy.

    Friday, 29 June 2012 @ 10:34am

  202. 202: Love ActuallyNo Gravatar says:

    138: Esteemed

    I feel happy and relieved for your feelings of acceptance. The financial piece can sometimes be so difficult as we are trying to work out how to meet our needs in that regard and meet our needs to be well and healthy at the same time.

    Friday, 29 June 2012 @ 10:36am

  203. 203: Love ActuallyNo Gravatar says:

    148: Femininewoman

    This is such a fine line. I sometimes feel that I am inadvertently playing a bit of a game because I AM still attached to the outcome. I don’t want to play a game, but I worry that it might come across that way if I cannot get myself fully unattached from the outcome…

    I hope that makes sense. Does anyone else experience this?

    Friday, 29 June 2012 @ 10:39am

  204. 204: Love ActuallyNo Gravatar says:

    152: Femininewoman

    ‘many people do the opposite when deeply challenged—they numb and hide and avoid. They are afraid that if they let themselves break open to their deeper, spiritual selves, they will not be able to handle the painful feelings of heartbreak, loneliness, grief and helplessness over others and circumstances.’

    I’m pretty sure I do this. With SR, when I feel really hurt I know I push him away – sort of unconsciously on purpose.

    I don’t want to feel hurt…I think I try to avoid it like the plague and then I end up feeling it anyways, duh! LOL!

    Friday, 29 June 2012 @ 10:42am

  205. 205: EsteemedNo Gravatar says:

    Tam,

    178 LOL, you just made my day! :-) Congratulations fore standing in your personal authority! Sure, feeling messages would have given you an even stronger stand, but I feel so proud of you for not taking his emotional abuse!

    Baby steps, girl! As an exercise with Rori’s tools, what I do after I tell’em what for is revisit the moment later and reconstruct it in feeling messages.

    In doing this for three years, I am staying to feel the success of my inner reprogramming, and I often go straight to feeling messages or riffing…even when I feel angry!

    Give yourself a Siren treat, girl in the red dress! Ya’done good! :-)

    Friday, 29 June 2012 @ 10:43am

  206. 206: Love ActuallyNo Gravatar says:

    171: turquoise

    I feel at a loss as to how to offer advice or support around this (I’m struggling in a similar way).

    And, I feel so inspired by how many possibilities you have to choose from as well as understanding that this may complicate things right now as it means more to think about and worry if you might make the right choice (not sure if that’s true for you but it’s what comes up for me).

    Here’s to trusting that the right path will show itself to you…

    Friday, 29 June 2012 @ 10:46am

  207. 207: Love ActuallyNo Gravatar says:

    178: Tam

    Oh, I somehow feel elated reading your post.

    I feel triggered by and judgmental of the teacher. In my mind I am thinking ‘how dare you speak to me like that, I am an adult and will handle the consequences of my conduct, thank you very much’

    I know people all do the best they can and he likely thought he was being helpful to offer you that information, despite doing it in a completely condescending way in front of others no less.

    I too, often feel that there is a time and a place to let ‘er rip.

    You go girl! If you aren’t happy with how you handled it, next time you can choose differently. :)

    Friday, 29 June 2012 @ 10:52am

  208. 208: Love ActuallyNo Gravatar says:

    It also sounds like you freed up some space for what others were feeling…

    Friday, 29 June 2012 @ 10:52am

  209. 209: Love ActuallyNo Gravatar says:

    190: Starla

    Oh, dear. You too! Maybe we should plan a global christmas orphan birthday party. LOL!

    Friday, 29 June 2012 @ 10:55am

  210. 210: Love ActuallyNo Gravatar says:

    My dad was always trying to talk me into having my birthday at another time in the year, but I jsut could never bring myself to do it.

    I am adopted and I think my birthday was the only connection I felt to my birth family, so wasn’t about to let it go. I remember talking to my birth mom on my birthday because I always thought she would be thinking about me on that day. As it turns out, she was. I found and met her when I was around 16 – total fluke the way it happened and really gave me cause to believe in the power of the universe on my behalf.

    Friday, 29 June 2012 @ 10:57am

  211. 211: Love ActuallyNo Gravatar says:

    192: Starla

    Oh, I totally know this and yet….don’t pay enough attention. Thanks for the reminder.

    Sleep is also the elixer (sp?) of life for me in this regard. Even having one night where I wake up just once can throw me right off emotionally.

    Friday, 29 June 2012 @ 10:59am

  212. 212: Love ActuallyNo Gravatar says:

    I feel curious. In your opinion is the main focus of balancing blood sugar eating real food in small portions at regular intervals with good balance between protein etc. the best way?

    Friday, 29 June 2012 @ 11:00am

  213. 213: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    211 Love Actually – there are varying opinions, but for me it’s been exercising 5 days a week for about an hour or more that’s done the most for me. I used to be just awful with mood swings and my emotions running me big time. If I was at all hungry, I’d turn into a sensitive wreck. Now I can go a long time without eating, and it doesn’t turn me into that sensitive wreck.

    Oil pulling and drinking ACV REALLY helped too.

    Friday, 29 June 2012 @ 11:06am

  214. 214: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    eating regularly throughout the day also helps. But I find it’s a bandaid for me, perhaps because I didn’t give my body enough time to get the hint? But exercise and acv and oil pulling worked very quickly.

    Friday, 29 June 2012 @ 11:08am

  215. 215: Love ActuallyNo Gravatar says:

    Starla, what is ACV?

    Friday, 29 June 2012 @ 11:11am

  216. 216: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    apple cider vinegar. I recommend Braggs, with “the mother” in it. Shake it up and put a couple tablespoons in 8 oz or so of water, and drink up! Brush your teeth after, cuz it can eat at your enamel. Drink 1 or 2 times a day. I drink it first thing in the mornign or last thing at night.

    Friday, 29 June 2012 @ 11:15am

  217. 217: Love ActuallyNo Gravatar says:

    Exercise does make me feel so much better, especially exercise that really gets my heart rate up and gettin’ really sweaty – feels sooo good mentally and physically.

    Lately my energy has been really low. I have had 3 surgeries since February (1 major and 2 minor) and this has just seemed to take it right out of me.

    I feel my energy just starting to right itself now and one last big hurdle for me is to quit smoking again. With my last diagnosis, which was melanoma, I got totally freaked out and grabbed cigarettes after having quit for 3 months (after smoking again for a year and a half after over a decade of not smoking) – Yikes! Dumb choice I know, but none the less, one I have to overcome now.

    I can definitely feel it in my lungs when I try to do any cardio of any kind…time to quit and get moving again.

    Friday, 29 June 2012 @ 11:15am

  218. 218: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Love Actually and Esteemed….thank you so much!! I feel better now, in fact I think I let it all come out because had a bad time of it in school…and only after I ‘let rip’, he said that he used to be a teacher (and left the profession, wonder why….), so my instincts just sniffed him out I guess, he was very patronising and just negative, oh well……

    Starla, oh yes, I am not seeing him as a romantic possibility, but I would like to reply to him as this is the second time he contacted me, and it was being helpful (and he is not writing more because I did not reply to his other email)….I just want to recognise that he has lifted my spirits with this (it is information I need) and to thank him…..
    any suggestions as to a good small feeling message without opening up conversation???

    Friday, 29 June 2012 @ 11:16am

  219. 219: Love ActuallyNo Gravatar says:

    215: Starla

    That sounds awful! LOL!
    Does it taste ok?
    What does it do for our bodies?

    Friday, 29 June 2012 @ 11:17am

  220. 220: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Esteemed, I meant to say also that I am sorry you lost your job as of course have been following your comments about the commute etc. I am sure something better is around the corner, I keep telling myself that (lost two jobs and a visa just because the companies went bankrupt)….and we just have to believe that.
    Did they know of your medical problems? To be honest, such a commute with your conditions is actually dangerous, I had a colleague who fell asleep at the wheel, and in the end he had to speed and wind the windows down (for the wind) just to stay awake on his 40 minute commute – we were always worried for him, and he would also fall asleep at his desk. He was the nicest guy and a good worker too, the company gave him a lot of leeway.
    I hope for you that you will find somewhere like that!! :)

    Friday, 29 June 2012 @ 11:21am

  221. 221: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    I would google about ACV and read the good and bad things people have to say, so you can decide for yourself if it’s right for you.

    Friday, 29 June 2012 @ 11:31am

  222. 222: Love ActuallyNo Gravatar says:

    Good idea, I will do that.

    Friday, 29 June 2012 @ 11:34am

  223. 223: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Tam, aren’t you in NC with him?

    Friday, 29 June 2012 @ 11:34am

  224. 224: TamNo Gravatar says:

    yes….however, he will also be useful to me in the future as I might be able to stay at one of his flats for next to nothing, and we do have common friends that we socialise with, so I don’t want to be awkward and I feel like saying ‘thank you’, basically.
    Is that not allowed? I don’t know. I feel it goes against my grain not to acknowledge when someone/anyone has been thinking of me and done something nice. Like I would say ‘thank you’ if he had sent me flowers, you know what I mean?

    Friday, 29 June 2012 @ 11:38am

  225. 225: TamNo Gravatar says:

    I am feeling strong right now, not sure if it is because I stood up for myself.
    I feel strong enough to reply without expecting anything…yes.

    Friday, 29 June 2012 @ 11:42am

  226. 226: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    But he didn’t send you flowers?

    Hmmm

    Friday, 29 June 2012 @ 11:43am

  227. 227: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Surely I am projecting since I am in NC myself… Day 21 now I think. But the idea of NC is to get OFF the rollercoaster with an unavailable man. To cut your losses and stop taking crumbs for more than they are. We’re grown, independent women. We don’t need to string ourselves along for the potential of one day having a free place to stay. Maybe you should start a little hotel savings fund for yourself;)

    Friday, 29 June 2012 @ 11:45am

  228. 228: TamNo Gravatar says:

    well, it is his equivalent of flowers, he’d rather do something useful…I used to appreciate that as I am not the romantic type. Instead of flowers he’d fix something or do something nice… a man of few words but all actions.
    I do want to say something but I don’t know what….a suggestion would be good…anyone?
    I don’t want to open up the conversation. I want to tell him ‘thanks, nice, bye’ basically – lol

    Friday, 29 June 2012 @ 11:46am

  229. 229: TamNo Gravatar says:

    @ Starla 226, oh yes, I see your point, but it was already kind of arranged for later in the year with the flat, and to be fair, he has no idea that I have gone NC….or why….I just decided that….
    I am not getting back on the rollercoaster, oh no.

    Friday, 29 June 2012 @ 11:49am

  230. 230: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks is fine:)

    Friday, 29 June 2012 @ 11:49am

  231. 231: TamNo Gravatar says:

    I had been thinking just to say ‘thank you’ also.
    There we are.
    Thanks Starla :)

    Friday, 29 June 2012 @ 11:54am

  232. 232: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    You are certainly most welcome, lovely Tam!

    Friday, 29 June 2012 @ 11:56am

  233. 233: TamNo Gravatar says:

    So nice :)

    Friday, 29 June 2012 @ 12:01pm

  234. 234: EsteemedNo Gravatar says:

    Turquoise,

    171 – Congratulations on your weight loss! There is a business I am seriously considering becoming involved with…and I think it would incorporate many of the side businesses you have done! I will be in touch in the near future…not quite ready to open the door on this one, because I believe it’s going to be big! So I wanna do it right!

    Friday, 29 June 2012 @ 12:16pm

  235. 235: Love ActuallyNo Gravatar says:

    174: Lilybelly

    I feel curious about combat ptsd. I sometimes wonder if SR doesn’t deal with this to some degree.

    If you have any thoughts I would be appreciative, if its too personal I understand also.

    Friday, 29 June 2012 @ 12:19pm

  236. 236: TamNo Gravatar says:

    I went for a ‘thank you, mrU’ and a smiley face. Not the type of response he would usually get and it’s going to cut off the convo.
    I feel good about that.

    Friday, 29 June 2012 @ 12:28pm

  237. 237: Rori RayeNo Gravatar says:

    This map is great, lk – thank you! Love, Rori

    Friday, 29 June 2012 @ 12:30pm

  238. 238: LindaNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Ladies

    I am glad the the post from Mark E Katz was helpful. I know it is for me. I like what he has to say most of the time because it resonates inside me. Things like he wrote helps energize me to get back on my bridge and strengthens it too.
    ……

    I feel this big hole in my life. It is Me loving ME. After a month of being alone again, I see how far off my bridge I was. . The memory of being on my bridge is the only thing that is leading me right now

    I really want some wonderful warm energy flowing to me from a genuine authentic man.

    I want to strengthen my bridge, it needs some patching up. It has been neglected.

    I want and I will have.

    Linda

    Friday, 29 June 2012 @ 12:38pm

  239. 239: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Oh he did reply with something lighthearted, I let it go unanswered, doesn’t need one anyways. Back to NC. All good, no odd feelings at all. I am surprised almost. Ha!

    Friday, 29 June 2012 @ 1:27pm

  240. 240: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Linda, the other day I nearly broke down because I felt such a hole where comfort and love “should” be. And I didn’t know how to give it to myself. It felt so hard. What a day that was…

    It was tempting to run to one of my male admirers, or go out and get drunk and let some men pay attention to me, but then I realized, these holes in my bridge are mine to patch up. Not a man’s.

    Anyway, just wanted to relate my experience lately:)

    Friday, 29 June 2012 @ 1:28pm

  241. 241: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    Ella – #184 – If it’s just fruit juice with no added anything, I think it’s fine unless someone has sugar issues or overweight issues though with the latter, I don’t see the harm in an occasional indulgence.

    xxoo

    Friday, 29 June 2012 @ 1:40pm

  242. 242: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Oh, jeepers, he is going into overdrive now. Ladies, this is funny. In fact, this is super nice….. he is now proposing concrete steps as to how ‘we’ can resolve my job/visa problems, all above board and well thought out. He must have been churning over this.
    I am quite impressed.
    But no worries, in fact, I do not feel any attachment in a romantic sense. I just feel grateful in a friendly way.
    Am I deluding myself? Did I shift so much in the last 3 weeks?
    Wow.
    I hope it lasts.
    I just need to find some CD’s in my area now and I might just be fine.
    Hm.

    Friday, 29 June 2012 @ 1:44pm

  243. 243: TamNo Gravatar says:

    He must have missed me, while I detached myself….how ironic.

    Friday, 29 June 2012 @ 1:45pm

  244. 244: EsteemedNo Gravatar says:

    Excuse me, everyone! I just wanted to broadcast how wonderful I am, LOL!

    Friday, 29 June 2012 @ 2:05pm

  245. 245: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Esteemed, yay!!!!!!

    Friday, 29 June 2012 @ 2:08pm

  246. 246: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Re: 244
    *like*

    Friday, 29 June 2012 @ 2:08pm

  247. 247: EsteemedNo Gravatar says:

    My living room and bathroom floors think I am wonderful, because I just swept and mopped them!

    My dogs think I’m wonderful, because I’m home with them patting and hugging them.

    My kitties think I’m wonderful, because I’m home playing with them, holding them, and kissing them on the noses!

    My TV thinks I’m wonderful, because I’m watching it.

    My clothes think I’m wonderful, because I’m washing them.

    My bed thinks I’m wonderful, because I made it.

    My body thinks I’m wonderful, because I bathed her and gave her a chicken avocado sandwich and coffee!

    My heart thinks I’m wonderful because she is finally finding deep, lasting, life-changing healing!

    Now if I could just address the part that is screaming and blushing because I’m being so self-congratulatory, LOL! :lol:

    WHERE’S SENIOR LADY VIBE THESE DAYSIES?

    Friday, 29 June 2012 @ 2:08pm

  248. 248: CAFNo Gravatar says:

    I feel angry and frustrated about being a girl. I have never felt pretty enough to be a girl. Never delicate enough. Never enough somehow. Growing up I was a tom boy. I look at other people and try to be more like them so maybe I will be liked as much as they are.

    And I feel angry that I have to play this role of being a girl to get the kind of relationship I want. I thought I was supposed to be myself. But since being myself isn’t getting me what I want, I have to be someone else. Trying to act like a girl, I feel dishonest and manipulative since girl energy is not my natural way of being.

    My dad always told me I was too sensitive. I had a lot of emotions and had trouble handling them and expressing them without getting angry. I would get overtaken by them. Rori’s materials are really helping me with that.

    I feel confused about what I want. Do I want to have kids? I don’t have a husband to do that with. I don’t want to do it by myself. Do I want to pursue a career more seriously? Since I’m not feeling satisfied with my current career, it looks like I need to become more serious about finding a career I like better. I feel frustrated about how motherhood isn’t valued. My own mother, a stay-at-home mom who is now 63, tells me she is disappointed that she didn’t have a career. And now I’m 35 and feeling worried that I’m not going to figure it out. I’m responsible for my happiness, and I’m not going to make it happen.

    I feel resentful that guys seem to have it easier when it comes to appearance and self-care. I have always hated putting effort into my appearance. I have started doing it recently because if I don’t, I don’t get attention I want from men. But…it takes so much energy and effort. And as they get older, men don’t have to keep up their appearance as much as women do. Ugh. I hate that.

    Friday, 29 June 2012 @ 2:11pm

  249. 249: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    247, more *like*

    Friday, 29 June 2012 @ 2:32pm

  250. 250: EsteemedNo Gravatar says:

    Starla,

    LOL, thanks! I think you’re pretty wonderful, too!!

    Have you worn those gorgeous boots yet? :-)

    Friday, 29 June 2012 @ 2:56pm

  251. 251: LindaNo Gravatar says:

    Receiving some warm energy from an geniune authentic man and me patching up my neglected bridge are two different things.

    I want the first, it would feel so lovely

    The bridge maintenance is all my responsibility.

    I was napping earlier, and I awoke with this thought . I feel betrayed in a small sense of the word. When we are young we are taught many things. In school we are taught to follow the rules, do your homework, etc etc. In our work lives, apply yourself, arrive on time, contribute our best.. and in turn…. we will be rewarded, all will be well. etc etc. In marriage, be faithful, keep the house tidy, raise the children…. do well and all will be well.

    I feel lied to. It is not all well. Honesty, integrity, gentleness, giving, being a good mother, a great cook, household manager…. none of doing hs been no guarantee. Sure, I can look in the mirror and be proud of myself and my character, but it does not seem to be appreciated. You look thru profiles and men say advertise for just those things. “looking for a good woman” I am Just such a woman and I am alone. hmmmm it is just disheartening.

    Sometimes I just feel so lost. I was not made to be alone. Some may be. I know me. I am not. I just simply am not.

    Linda

    Friday, 29 June 2012 @ 2:57pm

  252. 252: EsteemedNo Gravatar says:

    I felt so in sync with R when I was interacting with him all day on Tuesday about the kittens! It was just harmony between us, and he said if everyone worked together, there would be teamwork, and everything in life would be better. I just melt when he talks like that!

    He is so different from any man I have ever known! So many of his words are so rich! He has such wisdom! I feel really happy about my friendship with him.

    Friday, 29 June 2012 @ 3:00pm

  253. 253: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    ((((((((((Linda)))))))))

    See, I take it too far. I start to COUNT on the authentic warm attention. It, in effect, takes me right off my bridge.

    Friday, 29 June 2012 @ 3:11pm

  254. 254: EsteemedNo Gravatar says:

    Linda,

    I feel your emptiness, sadness, and pain at being alone. I wasn’t made to be alone, either.

    Even tho it’s hard growth, I keep reminding myself that when I am with the man who is MY Soul Mate, it will be worth the waiting.

    I could have been married many times over. But I don’t want to just be a wife. I want to marry the right man. I wonder if you feel the same?

    So what I have realized is that I am single and alone by choice! And that makes me feel better. I am alone because I respect myself and love myself too much to just marry for the sake of not being alone.

    That shifts my focus to being wow, amazed at myself! Wow, I feel really special, because whichever man gets to spend the rest of his life with me is going to be way special and someone I chose. So the focus is on amazement about my life and the life of my future man.

    Then my thinking, in the midst of my empty feelings, goes to wonder and amazement about who WE are and who WE will be together! And what I can do right here and now to contribute to my future wow relationship.

    I let the pain reel me until it feels like my tender heart and my passionate soul are tearing away from my longing body. And then I go deeper into myself, deeper into God, and I feel excited about OUR future…TOGETHER…

    a g r e a t p l a c e t o b e

    How do you feel about that?

    Friday, 29 June 2012 @ 3:14pm

  255. 255: AnnieNo Gravatar says:

    Ty Lillybelly and Starla. I just feel so scared about choosing a therapy that may make it worse.

    Since doing the seven commitment blue print and peeing back the layers I now feel reconnected to myself and realize that my low self esteem and controlling ways were protecting me from my molestation and other abuse as a child where I felt truly powerless, helpless and froze to dissociate and protect myself.

    I now just want to fully heal, keep moving forwards with the right help for me. The anxiety I had when I stopped doing anything to control at times has left me having severe panic attacks and flashbacks and severe uncontrollable shaking and crying.

    Friday, 29 June 2012 @ 4:13pm

  256. 256: Jessie1000No Gravatar says:

    Hey everyone!

    Even though me and my Beau didnt work out–do you think its bad if I just wanted to tell him I love him?

    I just do.

    I love him because he was so good to me during my comp. exam.

    I love him because he got my son a lawnmower to give him his first job.

    I love him because he never once yelled at me.

    I love him because he taught me how to do weights at the gym and omg my stomach is so flatt…..lol

    I am terrible at opening my heart to anyone.

    I feel shy and clam up.

    I dont want him back. He doesnt want me back.
    I should have be more open hearted when I was with him but I couldnt.

    Now I just feel like I want to tell him how I adore him and his memory is so great in my head.

    We are nice friends. He is moving this weekend and very stressed. I came over and packed some boxes and gave him company.

    He told me that he thinks im special because I never used him or abused him….lol his words.

    I didnt say anything back because I always feel so vulnerable.

    Like if I said something I might get murdered in my sleep…and a bus will hit me…and crazy irrational things….my intimacy is poor poor poor….even with my kids…I like to do but not say…(which is worse?) idk

    Id love anyones advice…and special love sent to you Emerson!

    Kisses Esteemed….Im happy you made a good decision that would be right for u….I got fired once from a chinese restaurant job that I FREAKIN Hated omg thank goodness…it bored me to tears and I was a terrible waitress…lol and went back to school and became a nurse….maybe a wonderful rainbow will bring you satisfaction soon!!!

    Friday, 29 June 2012 @ 4:15pm

  257. 257: EsteemedNo Gravatar says:

    In caring for the sick kittens, I feel happy that they are doing better and eating well!

    In cleaning up, I feel discouraged. My immediate issue was feline parvo and tapeworm. But the one kitten who died also had serious constipation. I suspect clumping cat litter, so I switched first to feline pine, then cedar shavings, because the feline pine was too expensive.

    The kittens and cats are not used to the change, and they are peeing and pooping everywhere: the bed, the throw rugs, the floor, and even the stove top. I am sweeping and mopping as fast as I can and washing everything in clorox, but I just can’t catch up, because they keep dirtying more blankets, etc.

    I got one box of clumping litter for the adult cats, to mix in with the shavings. But I don’t dare to do the same for the kittens, since they are more delicate. Hoping they adjust soon.

    Friday, 29 June 2012 @ 4:27pm

  258. 258: EsteemedNo Gravatar says:

    Jessie,

    255 – Thank you! What decision did I make? I was fired, if that’s what you are referring to. Gulp.

    About your friend, here is what I would say:

    “Even though you and I didnt work out, I just wanted to tell you I love you!

    I just do.

    I love you because you were so good to me during my comp. exam.

    I love you because you got my son a lawnmower to give him his first job.

    I love you because you never once yelled at me.

    I love you because you taught me how to do weights at the gym and omg my stomach is so flatt…..lol

    I am terrible at opening my heart to anyone.

    I feel shy and clam up.

    I dont want you back. You dont want me back.
    I should have be more open hearted when I was with you but I couldnt.

    Now I just feel like I want to tell you how I adore you and your memory is so great in my head.

    We are nice friends. You are moving this weekend, and I can tell you are very stressed. It felt good to come over and pack some boxes and give you company.

    You told me that you think im special because I never used you or abused you….lol, that felt good to hear!

    I didnt say anything back because I always feel so vulnerable.

    Like if I said something I might get murdered in my sleep…and a bus will hit me…and crazy irrational things….my intimacy is poor poor poor….even with my kids…I like to do but not say…(which is worse?) idk

    But now you know! I love you! Jessie”

    What do you think/feel?

    Friday, 29 June 2012 @ 4:37pm

  259. 259: EsteemedNo Gravatar says:

    Annie,

    254 – Most of us write on the newest thread, which this one is. Rori typically replaces it every few days. I feel sad with you to hear your past was so painful.

    I think healing is a process, and I have learned to just be patient with myself and to give compassion to my weak parts when healing feels way too slow.

    In my childhood, it was more emotional abuse: excessive yelling and criticism and over control. Nevertheless, it was deep damage, and I have been diagnosed in my 20s with disassociation, also. I found a lot of healing thru Joyce Meyer, who was raped almost daily by her father for 9 years of her life. She is my role model for how I will feel and think when I am fully healed.

    Are you seeing a therapist? If you can find a good one, you have found something more valuable than gold. Another good avenue to pursue could be biographies and autobiographies of women who were severely abused growing up. One example is a book called, “Stormie”, by Stormie O’Martian. I found a lot of healing through reading her story, too.

    I have found it helpful to surround myself with gentle, caring friends, who will help me to nurture the lil girl inside. And this blog is priceless! You have come to the right place here!

    This is something I have already cleared with Rori…she doesn’t mind me sharing what she shared in one of the teleseminars…she was raped at knifepoint in her own home. She was trained in that kind of counseling and is utterly compassionate and understanding. I don’t know if she is taking on new individual clients, because she spends so much of her time writing now. But just trust that she is a very wonderful woman who genuinely cares about us, and working her tools even if you do it on your own will bring you deep inner healing – it has me!

    I wish you the best that the world has to offer!

    Friday, 29 June 2012 @ 4:49pm

  260. 260: EsteemedNo Gravatar says:

    Annie,

    P.S. I listened to another speaker who had come out of sexual and physical abuse in childhood. She said for 20 years she stayed silent about what had happened. The first time she told her story, it was hard. But she found that the more she talked about it, the more it lost its power over her.

    Now she speaks publicly and helps many people who have been abused.

    Friday, 29 June 2012 @ 4:52pm

  261. 261: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Weekday visualization:

    I wake up pretty early every morning. The sun is coming up and I use that time to do my oil pulling, take my supplements, and meditate/read/write/whatever most people never have time for. I put on my gym clothes and grab my stuff and head to the train.

    The walk to the train feels good. It feels good to be out in the earlier hours and feeling the energy of the day building. I feel so powerful and accomplished in my cute workout clothes, heading to and waiting for the train.

    The train ride feels peaceful. It’s so crowded and all those people are going straight to work or school. We all look pretty tired, aw. Humans. Humans meant to get up early but feeling all jarred and irate because there are no farms or hunting or gathering to be tended to. Jarred and irate because the artificial lights and talking computer and tv boxes kept them up later than they should have been up. I see the mountains to the west and feel inspired. I feel magically exempt from this particular human condition, because *I’M* going to the gym. I’m going to punch and kick and use my body in the best way possible. I don’t have to sit at a desk for a couple of hours yet.

    I go to the gym. It feels effortless and mindless. I feel proud of myself every day, and it always gets me great results. I head to the office and check my emails, and then pop in the bathroom to change into my day’s clothes. I put on something cute but effortless. My hair is long and curly and hangs wildly and sexy. My skin is glowing and all I need is a little mascara to look amazing for the day. I sit back down at my desk and eat the delicious/nutritious breakfast I packed for myself. It eliminates all hunger and gives me a lot of energy.

    I focus on work tasks and don’t get easily distracted. A few times a day, I check in with my favorite sites and feel so privileged that I get to do this at my job. Other times, I am listening to instructional language audios in my headphones. Every couple of hours, I get up and stretch and walk around the block. I pass friendly women in the building and men who are intrigued by me. Sometimes I feel intrigued back, and we often end up in conversation.

    I eat lunch at my desk to free up break time for something that feeds my soul. I spend the break going to the river, or buying a magazine at the bookstore. When the weather’s cold, I spend my break translating song lyrics for my website.

    The work day is ending, and I clean up my desk and head back to the train. I spend the journey feeling accomplished and start to disconnect from the work day. I get home and clean up a bit. I change into more workout clothes (I have so many gym outfits) and head to the treadmill or outside for a run. I feel my head clearing of current contents and filling up with new creative and inspired ideas and thoughts.

    I get back in and feed myself some dinner, even if it’s just a little bit of veggies. My blood sugar has leveled out so much that sometimes I don’t even have an appetite! I pack the next day’s food and get the kitchen cleaned up. I pack the next day’s clothes and set out the gym clothes for the morning. I’m starting to feel sleepy.

    I get in the shower and exfoliate and shave and wash my hair and enjoy the nice smells of all my soaps and products. When I get out, my clean, fresh house greets me, and I put on some relaxing music to wind down for the night. I moisturize my skin and face and floss and brush my teeth.

    The rest of the night is mine. I read a book or chat with a friend or blog before going to bed. I feel so peaceful and fulfilled.

    Friday, 29 June 2012 @ 5:26pm

  262. 262: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    If he texts me that he is very upset and I say give me 20 mins and we can talk and he says he is not sure he can talk – do I leave him alone?

    He is upset about his ex I mean, nothing to do with me.

    Friday, 29 June 2012 @ 6:49pm

  263. 263: PamelalaNo Gravatar says:

    Memulo,

    I would have to say yes, leave him alone. Although it makes me wonder why he would tell you he was upset but not allow you to help in some way…that doesn’t seem masculine to me.

    If you want to respond, you could say something like, “I feel frustrated and kind of helpless knowing that you are upset and I can’t do anything to make it go away.” and leave it At that because he has only halfway invited you into his process.

    Personally, I love when a man can share that he is upset but he knows his own power to effect change, he is not allowing himself to be victimized,, that he has come up with a plan for resolution and that it will be ok. This makes me feel like my
    An is strong and competent and that he will be able to handle struggles in life with confidence. These are all highly desirable qualities to me.

    Sorry for getting so off track! My answer…leave him alone and let him figure it out.

    Friday, 29 June 2012 @ 8:22pm

  264. 264: LenaNo Gravatar says:

    I feel like we are having a weird dance of communication:)

    He called me again late, I was sleeping. I txted him already with a joke on that – no calls:) I mean – common, he know I go to sleep early.

    Friday, 29 June 2012 @ 8:48pm

  265. 265: LindaNo Gravatar says:

    Esteemned thank you. What you wrote was so tender. I identify with everything you said. THank you again.

    …..

    I went out tonight. A local Singles Meet UP gathering in my city downtown. It is soooo hot outside but I went anyway. I met some great new people. I danced till I stopped glistening and was in a full out sweat. LOL

    This is my drunk dial ladies… I will NEVER contact him again! HOW dare him lead me to believe that I was not enough!….I have been rejected and made feel bad about myself for the LAST time ever!!!!! His opinion DOES NOT MATTER. Just because he acted and said things that created and environment that made me feel unwanted…and that I was not sexy or good enough. DOes not MAKE IT TRUE.

    OMG…I was ME! I felt comfortable in my own skin. My skin is sexy!

    I did alot of 5 second gazes… No man will keep looking back…What is up with that!!!! They always look away. Two men bought me drinks. I danced with lots of guys. I warned one young fellow that nosed in that he was in cougar country. He just smiled back at me… but he could not stand the heat and mooved but then came back.

    I am a bit lit up right now. It felt so good to be just me and not feel rejection. Clean air and space. I had three men come up to dance with me. One got a little too close…. but I let him Why? well it just felt good to be desired a bit. I kept my power and rolled with it a bit. I feel like I am a lady of class that had her sexy on tonight. White skinny jeans and my favorit color RED zip front sleveless shirt with zebra trim and sparkle rind stones. I FELT GOOD…..and LOOKED good!…. if I say so myself.

    ANyway… I took some of my power back tonight. I found me… I met some new people…. kicked back… never thought of him…. except to remember the last time I was there I heard the song that says….no no no no You’re NOT the one for me!….. It felt good to be there by myself and open to receive. There were lots of ladies there tonight that… just joined with me… I called the 5 second gaze the diva look… they just giggled and introduced themselves to me. I felt like a magenet.

    I was buried in there….and it felt good to come out!….

    I am head to bed with a confident smile on my being. I an unified with me tonight.. I was missing in action for too long.! I am standing in the middle of my bridge!…. YEAH!

    Linda

    Friday, 29 June 2012 @ 9:11pm

  266. 266: LindaNo Gravatar says:

    Part of me wanted to go to where he lives now.. I have an idea where it is… and say” YOU are a LOOSER! You are welcome for keeping your A#S off the street when you got evicted…. You are welcome for the car I bought too let you use… You are infact…. JUST a somebody that I Used to KNOW.

    I AM FREE!

    PS,. THe last guy I danced with smelled soooo good and I told him that too. Ha ha

    NITE
    Linda

    Friday, 29 June 2012 @ 9:18pm

  267. 267: Rori RayeNo Gravatar says:

    CAF – Welcome, and so glad you’re getting some results with the work and Tools you’re doing around your emotions. Now try this…”Yourself” isn’t necessarily what’s ‘comfortable” or what you “thought” it was. Yourself is something that’s constantly getting illuminated as you go about discovering “yourself.” Being a “girl” isn’t about “girly” things. and if you want to be 100% the man (or primarily) in a relationship – that can work great – but it can’t work unless you’re happy in your work and career – because that’s part of the masculine thing. In other words, you can’t have it both ways. Taking time and energy to take good care of yourself on the inside AND the outside, to use “art” and clothes and hair and makeup to allow yourself to shine as much as possible is not a minor, insignificant thing. What I’m hearing is general confusion, and an unwillingness to take a bunch of major and tiny leaps of faith in yourself. Really feeling what you WANT is a huge part of this…and I just wish you a wonderful experience going through all this and letting it become clear to you…Love, Rori

    Friday, 29 June 2012 @ 9:23pm

  268. 268: StarbrightNo Gravatar says:

    Esteemed,

    I’ve tried all types of cat litter from clumping to pine to old news (newspaper pellets), etc. And, luckily never had a problem with the cats not using the box! However, just wondering if you’ve tried Tidy Cat? Seems a good in between. Not a clumping litter, but works quite well in my opinion. And, a good price!

    Friday, 29 June 2012 @ 9:58pm

  269. 269: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    I feel excited that not a lot of comments have been posted tonight. I hope this means sirens are doing amazing things with their friday nights. <3

    Friday, 29 June 2012 @ 10:10pm

  270. 270: EsteemedNo Gravatar says:

    Linda,

    265 – Beautiful!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! CDing…just what Doctor Rori ordered! Go girl!

    YW

    Friday, 29 June 2012 @ 10:10pm

  271. 271: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Expanding on weekday visualization:

    Sometimes in that hour or so before bed, when I read a book or cruise the internet or chat with friends, I take visitors. It feels cozy and fun and sophisticated to hang out with friends or male suitors in my silky pajama pants in my tidy, fresh apartment. I offer them tea and bid them goodbye when I’m feeling sleepy enough to drift off.

    Friday, 29 June 2012 @ 10:13pm

  272. 272: EsteemedNo Gravatar says:

    Starbright,

    268-I’ve been doing some reading on it and that kind is not all that healthy either. I added some clumping to transition them and am pressing into cedar cuz it’s natural and far cheaper.

    The kittens just peed on my freshly made bed. I feel quite frustrated.

    Friday, 29 June 2012 @ 10:15pm

  273. 273: EsteemedNo Gravatar says:

    Starla,

    269 – I did an amazing job at not contacting R tonight!

    Friday, 29 June 2012 @ 10:17pm

  274. 274: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Sirens
    (((sirens in CO)))
    praying for rain…

    Where is Lizka and SLV??? I feel worried about sirens when I don’t see them for a long time. Ginger sky?? Kayla???

    Friday, 29 June 2012 @ 10:21pm

  275. 275: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    I’m feeling numb but in boy mode taking care of lots of things…hitting the pavement hard with a job search. Was not expecting to be in this position now, it’s due to unforseeable circumstances but I’m feeling tired and not mentally geared up for a job search. I still have a part time job that I love love love…but it is not a breadwinner like my other gig that came to an abrupt halt.
    I’m in tunnel vision mode just looking for work. No calls or interviews yet.
    (((Emerson)))
    (((Emerson’s job search)))

    Friday, 29 June 2012 @ 10:23pm

  276. 276: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Hi sirens :) I am really having a surprisingly great time with mr. Conversation. He asked if I had plans tonight and took us to see fireworks in his hometown. I mentioned before how much i love fireworks, and he remembered. They were really great, but it was the little things he did like carry the cooler and his daughter, put the windows down so we wouldn’t get hot while he got gas, insist my girls wear ponchos because it was drizzling, listen to my girls’ silly stories and joke around with them that I noticed the most. I’ve seen him everyday this week, plus 3 times last week. We haven’t even kissed, and for the first time in my life, I am in no rush. His divorce isn’t final, he’s going through a lot, and I’m sure it will take some time until he’s ready for something…. But I really felt like completely discounting him for those reasons, and I’d have missed the chance to get to know an interesting and kind person. He asked if we have passports because he wants to go back to Canada and go to marine land again… It’s so different to be around a guy who isn’t trying to sleep with me. He talks about sex a lot, makes jokes, etc. but he never tries anything. He’s respecting my wishes about being just friends for now until things calm down. ( and then, still maybe just friends)

    Friday, 29 June 2012 @ 10:24pm

  277. 277: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    Hmm I have been having disturbing thoughts that are very negative like I will never have another relationship and basically giving up on men and losing hope of ever having any semblance of a respectful, honest relationship with a man….

    I don’t WANT to feel this way…I know it’s probably bad with all the law of attraction stuff but I am having a really hard time flipping it. I feel so so foreign to having a man be true to me and care for me because both Recycled and ToxicEx shocked me with huge lies and letting me down. Not that iM” a victim but I just want to move on from that past but aaahhhhh the memories still walk through my head like a freakin movie….

    Friday, 29 June 2012 @ 10:26pm

  278. 278: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    I haven’t been on the blog much because of how flat and blah and hopeless I’ve been feeling…I don’t want to dump on everyone. But anyways here I am.

    I am so blessed to have choices in my life and amazingly good health (despite party days gone by & I’m so lucky to be healthy thank you God)

    I have a vision of the type of man I want and most of all the word that comes to my mind is NICE. Nice nice nice nice nice. I want nice. I want kind. I want law abiding hard working and honest. Educated and smart with money and NICE.

    Friday, 29 June 2012 @ 10:29pm

  279. 279: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    thank you emerson!

    esteemed, that’s awesome girl! how does it feel to be a lean-back goddess?

    Friday, 29 June 2012 @ 10:30pm

  280. 280: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    I meant smart with managing money…LOL not necessarily a man “with money” haha

    Friday, 29 June 2012 @ 10:30pm

  281. 281: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    im going to make this
    http://shine.yahoo.com/dessert-guide/easy-blueberry-desserts-summer-quick-cobblers-slumps-crisps-190600666.html

    Friday, 29 June 2012 @ 10:32pm

  282. 282: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    My girls, especially my oldest, REALLY like him. She’s been extremely well behaved and pleasant and gave him a hug goodbye. It’s really nice to see her relaxed and happy. Even if he’s never more than a friend, it’s nice having them in our lives. His 2 older kids have been on vacation all week, we’ve made a lot of plans to spend time together…. Feels a little like the Brady bunch lol, but all this practice just shows me more and more of what I really want in a relationship.

    Friday, 29 June 2012 @ 10:32pm

  283. 283: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    i know lizka’s just doing her thing, she’s fine:)

    i dunno about the other sirens. i miss them, though:)

    (((((((((((emerson)))))))))))))

    Friday, 29 June 2012 @ 10:35pm

  284. 284: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Weekend visualization:

    I don’t sleep in that much anymore. “Sleeping in” is never past 10 am. It feels good to sleep without the alarm going off, either way. I get up feeling rested and change into my cute gym clothes. I go for a run or head to the gym, whatever I’m in the mood for. I do a short little workout. Sometimes I go out to brunch after, and sometimes I just come home to eat. Either way, after getting a delicious bite to eat, I clean my whole house. I vacuum, I mop, I wipe the mirrors and dust the furniture and cabinets. It doesn’t take as long as I used to think it would. It just gets done. Usually I have some awesome music or a movie playing in the background, and fresh air is coming in through my big, sunny window. Before the late afternoon, my house is clean and I have the rest of the weekend to do just whatever I’d like.

    Friday, 29 June 2012 @ 10:41pm

  285. 285: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    Good job on no contact Esteemed
    ((Esteemed kittens))

    I have not contatced Recycled AT ALL since our “end of friendship” text LOL …sounds so stupid now. Blech he’s sort of off my radar atm. I realized after reading baggage reclaim that he has somewhat of a Tiger Woods syndrome where he things he’s the s#it and can fool and lie to people around him and be a cheater…and finds it very satisfying. That’s basically the definition of a jerk.
    Bye jerk!!!!

    Friday, 29 June 2012 @ 10:44pm

  286. 286: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks Starla for letting me know about Lizka let her know I miss seeing her posts
    Also I feel happy reading your visualization…I do the same thing when I clean I put on a movie or music and I love getting my house in order!!!

    Friday, 29 June 2012 @ 10:46pm

  287. 287: EsteemedNo Gravatar says:

    BTW, Cape Town fizzled after I expressed my lack of trust one too many times. But I really liked the idea of being pen pals with him and asking about Cape Town. Guess I blew that one with my feeling messages. A lack of trust is surely a relationship killer.

    Friday, 29 June 2012 @ 10:48pm

  288. 288: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Gosh, I am feeling so much better for the last couple of days. It really does get better. <3

    Friday, 29 June 2012 @ 10:56pm

  289. 289: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    yay Starla

    I feel so happy to read that

    Friday, 29 June 2012 @ 11:04pm

  290. 290: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes divorcing. I wonder what Rori thinks about it? She always has interesting feedback about celeb couples.

    Friday, 29 June 2012 @ 11:07pm

  291. 291: EsteemedNo Gravatar says:

    Emerson,

    285 – Thank you! Sorry he was a jerk.

    Friday, 29 June 2012 @ 11:09pm

  292. 292: EsteemedNo Gravatar says:

    Emerson,

    281 – Yummmmmmmmmmmm! I want to make some too!

    Friday, 29 June 2012 @ 11:17pm

  293. 293: EsteemedNo Gravatar says:

    Emerson,

    290 – I would be interested, too. So many marriages end. One reason I am single is because I am going to marry for life, period. I messed up with K, and I was too much in a rush. Not again.

    Friday, 29 June 2012 @ 11:24pm

  294. 294: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Starla – lovely visualisations, when I read them I feel really peaceful and like ‘aw, I want to do that and give everything such a positive spin’…and I am going to start with something I always see as negative (no weekend plans whatsoever :( ) and turn it into ‘I have a weekend plan’. My weekend plan is: ME. I shall treat my muscles to a long run, have a refreshing shower, and go somewhere nice for coffee this afternoon. Feeling better already.

    @Emerson..I wish you lots of luck for the jobhunt, I am also hunting so hopefully we find something soon!!! And regarding Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes: I wondered the same, actually. I remember reading somewhere, might have been Rori, that the way he jumped on that couch is what any man is capable of doing when in love. I thought it was over the top, but I did get her point…perhaps deep down I want a man to feel so crazy in love with me too? So it’s interesting to see that they divorce now. Quite sad.

    Friday, 29 June 2012 @ 11:55pm

  295. 295: TamNo Gravatar says:

    …and despite the NC with MrU, which I kind of broke last night, as I truly felt amazed that he is still keeping an eye out for me. Not in a romantic sense but a ‘I want to help you’ sense, with great suggestions and advice and stuff he picked from the net….I would have felt bad not to respond.
    In the end we had a nice little exchange…and he did try to turn the conversation…I once said that he wasn’t a keeper (when we first met I was not at all taken by him but thought he was nice, just not my cup of tea)….and since then he always referred to it as the ‘k’ word, as he was pretty upset by it – it wasn’t a nice thing to say but I wasn’t happy with him at the time.
    He never forgot it, and will on occasion bring it up, like ‘oh well, since I am not a ‘k”….
    I asked him a few months ago to stop this, because it makes me feel bad and it makes me feel bad for having judged him. Last night he threw it into conversation with a capital ‘K’. I already have a nickname for him (he has for me too), but it’s kind of negative as he is often in a bad mood. So I told him last night that I am going to change the nickname to ‘K’ (with a capital K).
    I think he was genuinely pleased with that and I think it’s too funny. He thinks he is a keeper, of course (don’t we all), so I could sense by his last message, that he was smiling about this.
    I feel kind of good that I was not expecting anything from the conversation. I feel even better that he provided me with some great ideas, and that he is obviously thinking hard how to help me (while I hve been in NC to forget him). And the loveliest of all is that by the end of our little convefrsation I felt good about having a positive spin on something that had been a negative memory for him, and also for me.
    The exchange ended with a message from him and I have no need or wish to reply or initiate anything else.
    I am sure he is dating and moving on with his life, and I do wish him all the best and I do now think that maybe the friendship thing can work….like it did before.
    I feel melancholic about it, but mostly happy actually, and don’t regret answering him.
    I never gave him the ‘no friends’ speech and now I am happy about it although it was tempting to walk away completely…
    Let’s see.
    I need to meet men.

    Saturday, 30 June 2012 @ 12:06am

  296. 296: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    Starla you are sounding so positive and giving off really good vibes. Your posts are great to read.

    Saturday, 30 June 2012 @ 1:13am

  297. 297: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    I think my man should have a name… I’m going to call him strum.

    So strumming man is coming by in a couple of hours. We’re going shopping lol! I’m imagining him pulling up in his car smiling. We have a cup of tea before we set off. We laugh and flirt and he compliments me on my smile. As were walking round I imagine him taking my hand, he’s looking across at me for reassurance that it is okay and I smile back at him and tell him it feels nice. Before the day is over he takes me in his arms and kisses me passionately. I tell him I feel warm and fuzzy inside and his affection makes me feel great. After the kiss he goes home, he can’t stop thinking about me…

    Saturday, 30 June 2012 @ 1:22am

  298. 298: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    Am I attached to an outcome with strumming man? It’s my preference but I know I’m using this time to grow, I’m in no rush. Slow is beautiful. I feel good not putting any pressure on it. It will be what it will be. Am I okay with not knowing what it is? Yes. Time will tell. He knows what I want for the future and he wants the same. I will inspire him to never want to be without me. I will be responsible for making me happy.

    Saturday, 30 June 2012 @ 1:26am

  299. 299: uliiNo Gravatar says:

    Long distance suxks… And it hurts, really. I have got myself into this imaginary relationship really bad. Even before meeting the person in real life.. I know I’m being childish and this is all about avoiding other issues. But it hurts still… :( Need to cut it off, but feeling not able to today.

    Saturday, 30 June 2012 @ 3:19am

  300. 300: uliiNo Gravatar says:

    Being missing the blog & all the sirens!
    Also feeling worried about the sirens in Colorado.
    Hugs!
    ((((Colorado sirens))))

    Saturday, 30 June 2012 @ 3:25am

  301. 301: uliiNo Gravatar says:

    My long distance chat CD (NewZealandCD) has backed off after having plans to meet in real life & in my opinion we had only travel details to discuss about. Telling me how he still very much likes me and enjoys talking to me but “something is off” and he has “doubts”. Our everyday communication via skype has run dry & awkward..or meaningless casual chat in the lighter days. And I feel hurt & forgotten & not important… And mostly irritated of not knowing why this really is.

    So I have expressed my interest in meeting him one last time (I guess leaning forward) and asking if he is still interested or not. And that would be ok with knowing than the answer is no, but I need to know (I guess that is looking for closure, which is not a sireny thing to do). And instead of saying no he says yes he is interested, that just it would be complicated now in this august. And if I’m going to “delete him from my list” because of that.

    I don’t know what to do. My pride wants to say “Well, your loss.” Block him and move on. But after all he has not done anything wrong either. So I wonder if there is a feeling message I could apply here. And if cutting the contact would be the right thing to do. I think it is as it’s hurting every time I see his name pop up in my computer and not talking to me..or talking some casual chat but not the way we used to.

    Please, comment anyone. I would feel happy to hear some outside opinion. Love to you all!!

    Saturday, 30 June 2012 @ 3:40am

  302. 302: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    (((uli)))

    I think your answer lies here

    “I have got myself into an imaginary relationship”

    Work on you. It appears you have never met this man so I’m assuming it’s not closure your looking for. Ask yourself why you need closure from a relationship you never had? your sending out a fear vibe, do you think he is picking up on your anxiety. I recognise this from my own feeling too.

    Leaning back has helped me to see more clearly.

    If he does contact you maybe you could apply a feeling message then? Does he know your wants and desires from a relationship? Does he want the same. Offer your needs and then lean back and allow him to step up of he is the right man.

    That’s just what I see. I’ve tried to be constructive but appreciate it’s what you might not want to hear. I’m feeling your pain.

    Saturday, 30 June 2012 @ 4:03am

  303. 303: FrancescaNo Gravatar says:

    Starla @269

    Yeah, I was working and making money! :)

    Saturday, 30 June 2012 @ 4:05am

  304. 304: ViNo Gravatar says:

    I haven’t been posting for some time and feel anxiety: I felt triggered several times and didn’t channel it and it feels like I am wearing something I don’t like…. it just feels not right.
    This trigger came absolutely unexpected: my husband’s mom got to know one of my girlfriends and was extremely impressed by her humble personality and keeps on talking about her. and I found myself feeling insecure and a kind of threatened…. and there is no logical reasons to be worried… : ) and still there is a feeling like she is stealing smth. from me .. and I feel ashamed and silly and inadequate… : ) because it is not about her or my man’s mom at all… and I feel curious what was that about and what I could do for myself to feel better….? okay I write here and already feel better… : )
    and yes okay I feel jealous of the attention she’s got… It reminds me the time when I worked at the office… my great results and humble personality … the second priority – after the project results – was to look humble and decent… fear to “look” selfish!!
    ..and now sometimes I feel I miss that attention and big accomplishments…sigh…
    thank you Vi for talking to me… I love you so much… even though you can not tell me right away what you would like to do in the future.. or where you would like to volunteer… I love you ..

    Saturday, 30 June 2012 @ 4:12am

  305. 305: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you Pamelala! I felt so tired last night and didn’t answer to him and then he texted more and more and I just responded.

    Yes, I’d like to know that my guy can resolve his problems too. I feel it’s going this way, but he doesn’t really fill me in all details and also I feel that the process is very emotional for him because he gets emotionally blackmailed with the child constantly. So it’s not all fast, clear and straightforward, but I guess it’s hard to expect this unless you’re dealing with a robot;)

    Saturday, 30 June 2012 @ 4:21am

  306. 306: goldenflowerNo Gravatar says:

    284: Starla says:
    Weekend visualization:

    I don’t sleep in that much anymore. “Sleeping in” is never past 10 am. It feels good to sleep without the alarm going off, either way. I get up feeling rested and change into my cute gym clothes. I go for a run or head to the gym, whatever I’m in the mood for. I do a short little workout. Sometimes I go out to brunch after, and sometimes I just come home to eat. Either way, after getting a delicious bite to eat, I clean my whole house. I vacuum, I mop, I wipe the mirrors and dust the furniture and cabinets. It doesn’t take as long as I used to think it would. It just gets done. Usually I have some awesome music or a movie playing in the background, and fresh air is coming in through my big, sunny window. Before the late afternoon, my house is clean and I have the rest of the weekend to do just whatever I’d like.

    I love this, its very inspiring.
    I have ended up ill for the weekend, but not so ill that i cant do useful positive things for myself and for my house. in a way I’m glad i dont have to go out and cram socialising into this weekend.
    i need time for myself to rest and nurture my own needs. I am goin shopping next to stock up on things to make my illness better and good foods to comfort and heal me. I will start to de-clutter my house bit by bit, the bedroom first as i awake to look at a cluttered dresser and all surfaces covered in products or jewellery. I want to see clear space when i wake, a clear mind.

    Then I will start the lounge, new pictures on the wall with my own artwork. I will choose myself. I will begin to make small positive steps to helping my self take care of me on the inside.
    I will stop looking for a relationship to fill me up and give me a purpose. I will endeavor to heal myself and see where this leads me in life.

    Saturday, 30 June 2012 @ 4:22am

  307. 307: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    Ulii,

    Did you consider not responding and just living your life? silence works like a charm in some cases, no need to invent a FM even ;)

    Saturday, 30 June 2012 @ 4:24am

  308. 308: ViNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Ulii
    I liked your own words that you’ve written. You write that you feel
    -hurting every time I see your name pop up in my computer and not talking to me..
    -awkward talking some casual chat but not the way we used to…. and you miss that and – What do you think?
    He is here for you – to help you to gain a good practice in feeling and expressing what you feel, right? and consequently be well-prepared for off line CDing .. Love to you!

    Saturday, 30 June 2012 @ 4:36am

  309. 309: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    My get up and go has got up and gone. I have so much to do. I’m exhausted. The list is never ending. I can feel the tightness in my shoulders, my teeth are aching from being clenched. My anxiety is whirling round my body. I’m just going to rest and watch tv for a little longer as a rare treat. Compose my thoughts and recognise my feelings then head for a shower to re energise myself.

    Saturday, 30 June 2012 @ 4:36am

  310. 310: TamNo Gravatar says:

    After last’s night message exchange with MrU, I feel even more inspired to let the man who is perfect for me, find me.
    I want someone who has balls, a free spirit, and is not a yes man (which is MrU in a nutshell). However, I also and even more importantly, want this guy to be chasing me, want to keep me forever and make me feel secure and loved. I do not want to settle for less. if I have to wait for this man forever, then i will take lovers, dates etc to have human contact and all that stuff. But if I ever get married, it will be to a strong man who can also hold against me and tell me off sometimes. I need the friction, I do not do well with men where I am wearing the trousers in the relationship.
    I need him to be intelligent and motivating also.
    Phew. Maybe I should try to bake a man?
    I don’t feel hopeless, I just feel it will take some time….

    Saturday, 30 June 2012 @ 4:56am

  311. 311: TamNo Gravatar says:

    and to make sure I do not waste any time anymore, I just unfriended and blocked a guy on fb, who never made any concrete plans and then said ‘so are we meeting today’. I said that as I had not heard from him assumed we weren’t…so he went into this:
    ‘if you see a few messages above, I told you to give me your phone number, so don’t blame it on me’!!!

    Frankly, ladies, I had not even met this guy yet and after that, did I feel inspired? Nope, so straight away blocked him…I don’t need to have blaming games with someone who can’t even plan a date. Jeepers. NEXT!!!

    Saturday, 30 June 2012 @ 5:00am

  312. 312: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you, ladies:) I am feeling fairly positive. A few days ago I thought I was hitting a bottom with depression or something, but then I went and talked to my therapist and he put it all into perspective for me and showed me that the feelings I was experiencing were normal for someone who was never shown how to receive or give herself comfort in a healthy way. I think a big chunk of depression is actually the beating ourselves up we do consciously and subconsciously for not feeling all hunky-dory.

    Saturday, 30 June 2012 @ 5:25am

  313. 313: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Good morning Sirens! I feel inspired by those of you who get up, go to the gym and start cleaning up with good music on! I woke up before the alarm with kids and pets in here, lol… Thank goodness I have a king! I’m going to get my house all in order and then go to an all day Kenny Chesney and friends concert with my best childhood friend. :) Really looking forward to spending the day with her! It’s going to be in the 90’s and humid…. And tons of walking, I’ll probably lose a few pounds! Lol (at least for a day or two…. But the new number on the scale still inspires me! :)

    Saturday, 30 June 2012 @ 5:48am

  314. 314: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Happy Saturday everyone! Hope it’s a beautiful day for all of us!

    Saturday, 30 June 2012 @ 5:50am

  315. 315: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Happy Saturday, Turquoise:)

    Saturday, 30 June 2012 @ 5:53am

  316. 316: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    hi Sirens –offline for the summer…will update from time to time…sending love, hope and happiness your way.

    Saturday, 30 June 2012 @ 5:54am

  317. 317: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Starla you sound wonderful, and I like your therapist’s perspective! I really like your visualizations and I’m going to do more of those too :)

    Saturday, 30 June 2012 @ 5:57am

  318. 318: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Crap, my mom just called, she’s really sick and can’t watch the girls. There goes my concert plans. Oh well, I’ll save some money that I really shouldn’t have been spending.

    Saturday, 30 June 2012 @ 6:13am

  319. 319: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Sorry about that Turq. Concerts can be so much fun.

    Saturday, 30 June 2012 @ 7:03am

  320. 320: ZaraNo Gravatar says:

    248: CAF

    ***I feel angry and frustrated about being a girl. I look at other people and try to be more like them so maybe I will be liked as much as they are. ***
    I feel angry too if I try to be more like others rather than feel in alignment with who I am in the moment, and if I try to be liked by others rather than feel good in myself.

    ***I thought I was supposed to be myself***
    The thought is correct.

    ***But since being myself isn’t getting me what I want, I have to be someone else. ***
    You don’t know if being yourself does not give you what you want as you have not experimented yet being yourself.

    ***Trying to act like a girl, I feel dishonest and manipulative since girl energy is not my natural way of being***
    If I try to “act like”, I feel dishonest and manipulative too. This is a healthy impression.

    ***since girl energy is not my natural way of being***
    Girl energy is your natural way of being because you are a girl, acknowledge it or not. It just is: you are a girl. No matter what “act like” you chose in life, your primary energy is feminine, which explains why being somebody else, more tom boyish, leaves you in the middle of the cross roads, stuck in between choices you can’t make. One choice is the road you impose yourself against your body feelings so your body just won’t take you there, and the other road is the one you feel ashamed to want as you judge it is a weak choice.

    When you “act tom boyish” you act the role of what you assume a man should be and when you “act like a girl”, you act the role of what you assume a girl should be. You are honest in neither case. You feel good in neither role. You are not yourself in either role.

    Being yourself is about feeling your body, your real sensations, your wants and don’t wants, your dreams, expressing them no matter what, in the most loving way you can, experiment with what works for you and what does not work, with no preconceived ideas of what should work as a girl. Simply find out what you want, regardless of what is valued by others. Do you value it? And can you get it for yourself? Can you keep in your body, lovingly, and get what you want? No matter what it is you want.

    ***I feel resentful that guys seem to have it easier when it comes to appearance and self-care. I have always hated putting effort into my appearance. I have started doing it recently because if I don’t, I don’t get attention I want from men. But…it takes so much energy and effort. And as they get older, men don’t have to keep up their appearance as much as women do. Ugh. I hate that. ***
    Acting like somebody I am not, makes me feel miserable and inspires others to stay away. They believe me: if I don’t want to be myself, they assume there must be a reason and it is not worse the trouble to try to like me. Besides, when they try to connect with the person I am not, they don’t find her inside me, so they walk away. No matter the make up on my face or the bow on my dress.
    But if I honestly take loving care of myself, the more love I give to myself the more others are attracted to give me love. Anyway, no matter the outcome regarding the others’ judgment of me, when I have pampered myself I feel good already, and I even feel beautiful at times and most often pretty. With this feeling only, I am already a winner. . .I don’t care what is fair, I care to feel love.
    Feeling jealousy won’t help you feeling good. I would stop focusing out of my body and take the focus back on my own body and pamper myself, because it is fun and sensuous and it is an act of love, which is what I am starving for.

    It makes sense men don’t really try to shine externally (although I feel much doubt about this being really true) since they are the one who look out for the shiny human to throw arrows at her. Men are looking out for the human who pampers herself with love because that’s what inspires them to cover her with even more love. It suits me because I want to be covered with even more love, I don’t care for throwing arrows. Men thrive when they find the shiny human to cherish. Her shine is their light through life. Which in turn transforms him into the captain she longs for.

    Saturday, 30 June 2012 @ 7:06am

  321. 321: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    Well he texed to say can we make it later he’s still working. I had him pencilled in for today anyway and have tons of stuff to do so I’m not feeling all yucky lonely and disappointed like I usually would. I’m thinking positive. If he turns up tonight bonus… If not his loss. Gosh I’m feeling strong!

    Saturday, 30 June 2012 @ 7:48am

  322. 322: AnnieNo Gravatar says:

    I was in a long distance relationship for 4yrs and I now know that I chose that as I was terrified of intimacy so it suited me, got to have my space in the week.
    I ran that relationship but didn’t ever feel truly loved, wanted cherished or adored.
    And I soon as we were together and married after 5 yrs he then put distance between us again and went to work away. I felt in such pain, rejection abandonment which I believed to be love.
    I now know that pain rejection and abandonment are not love.

    I would not ever choose to be in a long distance relationship again and when men now are interested in me who do not live near, I feel no interest and just speak my truth and say I feel surprised that they are interested in me especially if they are stating that they are looking for ‘the one’. And let them know that a long distance relationship would not work for me as I want someone who is compatible with me and wants a real relationship with daily human contact etc,

    When they state what they like to eat and what their hobbies and jobs are dream home etc. And check mine saying they think we are compatible and asking what I think. I realize I am just nowhere near on the same page as these men
    sigh.
    I want a deep mind body heart and soul connection with the right man for me. Not a surface level, do we like the same food, sports, hobbies and send me some pics so I can judge your looks.

    Saturday, 30 June 2012 @ 8:21am

  323. 323: AnnieNo Gravatar says:

    What feels difficult to me now is I feel aware of how when I speak my truth that I don’t feel able to say it in a nice way.
    I do speak it very directly and quite harsh.

    I feel unsure on if this is an area where I need to do some work.
    As afterwards part of me feel guilty for not saying it in a soft nice way.

    Saturday, 30 June 2012 @ 8:27am

  324. 324: AnnieNo Gravatar says:

    Still searching for healing on past traumas and wanted to know if anyone knew of this mans work.

    http://www.aminoacidpower.com/blog/?p=54

    Saturday, 30 June 2012 @ 8:30am

  325. 325: AnnieNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you Esteemed for your advice I feel appreciative and will look at the things you have suggested.

    I felt pain and sadness hearing about Rori.
    In the past I always believed that therapy did more harm than good and still believe that to be true in some cases and do not want to cause any more harm to myself.
    I want to get the right therapist for me. So I do feel scared about picking the right one.

    I don’t want any meds and also feel fear of being diagnosed with anything that my husband could then use against me in future decisions on child custody.
    He calls me crazy all the time recently since I stand up for myself more and refuse to tolerate certain behaviors now and no longer allow myself to be emotionally manipulated.

    Saturday, 30 June 2012 @ 8:48am

  326. 326: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    Tam thanks for the well wishes on the job search and same back to you :-)

    I undertstand blocking the CD on fb and feeling frustrated….I believe Rori reccommends not friending CDs on fb at all. I agree since it gives them access to us and all our info and if we don’t know them too well or met online that can be scary. Even if they are “safe” it gives them a peek into our lives which I feel is artificially getting to know us, or they think they are.

    I had a similar CD that I felt had great potential although we were not friends on fb, he could nto seem to be able to make a plan to get together…actually he asked me to meet him at 7am for breakfast. haha noooo….I don’t want to get up that early. Well he would just text me randomly all the time like “hello beautiful!” and it made me wonder is he texting all the girls in his phone just to see who replies??? I don’t know where I got that idea. I finally lost my patience and told him I feel bored with texting and never heard from him again! LOL then I deleted his number so I would not be tempted to lean forward. Anyway, time waster deleted!

    Saturday, 30 June 2012 @ 8:54am

  327. 327: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Emerson..thank you!! Yes, I remember regarding fb…I guess a good point. I just don’t have the nerve to hang around on those dating websites for too long quite honestly…hehe…so I drift in and out of those a bit.
    The good thing is that most of my info on fb is pretty private anyway, else I would be concerned, true. I got quite friendly with some of them actually, so much so that when they end up in relationships I feel quite happy for them.
    Aaaanyway, I am going to enjoy the rest of the afternoon here and wishing you sirens a good one!!
    Tx

    Saturday, 30 June 2012 @ 9:24am

  328. 328: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    (((Annie)))

    Saturday, 30 June 2012 @ 9:26am

  329. 329: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    I’m feeling proud! I’ve taken a lot of lack about my cooking from various people in the past. I’ve just made walnut bread and I’m eating it drizzled in honey. I’m feeling rewarded!

    Saturday, 30 June 2012 @ 9:36am

  330. 330: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Annie, I see a traditional therapist and he does not diagnose me with anything or put me on meds. However, I cannot use my insurance to pay for it, because you must be diagnosed with something for the insurance to cover it. I just pay cash. Although, any of those non traditional therapies would result in paying cash, too.

    I don’t want to be diagnosed with something because I feel worried it will affect my future job searches/desire to adopt children one day

    Saturday, 30 June 2012 @ 10:14am

  331. 331: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Dang, Smile, I want some!!

    Saturday, 30 June 2012 @ 10:15am

  332. 332: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Where is Slippin Goddess? I think she changed her name to something else. I am wondering how she’s doing.

    Saturday, 30 June 2012 @ 10:22am

  333. 333: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    I am so glad I resisted the urge to contact CF for the last 3 weeks. I stayed in my dignified, feminine energy, at least in action. My thoughts are finally catching up that I did the right thing. I do want to go off on my own path, and I would rather run into him down the road when our paths are crossing in the higher vibration coordinates I’m locking onto, than throw myself off my bridge just for a conversation, or hold myself back from moving towards the higher vibration so that we can be a match right now.

    What is meant to be will be. I have faith. I am already a woman of action who has brought prosperity and success into her life and taken a different path than the one I was set on from a young age. This ambition and discipline of mine, coupled with my faith in life and the universe, will provide something truly epic for me. All is not lost. Everything is starting to feel so much easier.

    Saturday, 30 June 2012 @ 11:16am

  334. 334: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    My journey is so beautiful.

    Saturday, 30 June 2012 @ 11:17am

  335. 335: TamNo Gravatar says:

    I do wonder sometimes…the English CD who was so lovely and attentive and always in contact just vanished from the face of the earth. I could have sworn he wouldn’t, as he was asking ‘where is this heading bla’ , and then he saw someone obviously and I was just forgotten. I feel surprised that I got him so wrong.
    And I feel surprised that no matter what I do, Mr U isn’t poofing on me. Ever. Even when we had the biggest argument ever and never wanted to speak again, one month later I had a very bad thing happen to me (sexual harrassment of the violent kind by a boss). And I did not know where to turn first for help….and I texted him in the middle of the
    night, and not 2 seconds passed and my phone rang. And he helped me with advice from a lawyer etc. He is like a rock, and I find this a great gift. Even if we will never be in a relationship, for me he is like an insurance, the guy would do anything for me, he sees me like family. I don’t know why I was so upset because who cares about romantic love when you have a rock.
    I can find romantic love elsewhere.
    I feel peaceful, a little sad, but very well cared for.
    Such is life. People surprise you. Negatively and positively.

    Saturday, 30 June 2012 @ 12:18pm

  336. 336: luzydelNo Gravatar says:

    I am stranded today; didn’t have time to cash a check yesterday and the bank is closed today, so no gas money! maybe I’ll go to the lake near by with the dog or cook something and eat it by my balcony…mmm

    Git some guys talking and inviting me places…One of them told me something that sort of was like a wake up call for me… Sven months without male physical contact and I am missing the sex, kissing etc… but I don’t know if I can go casual without getting attached, so I am keeping myself in check… but how much I miss being in a man’s arms!

    Saturday, 30 June 2012 @ 12:34pm

  337. 337: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    hey luzydel:) that sounds so nice, going to the lake and hanging out on the balcony

    Saturday, 30 June 2012 @ 12:39pm

  338. 338: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    I feel turned off and judgemental of ambition and discipline.

    I don’t want to associate with lordly cruel princes and
    Coercion and self mutilation

    I want to heal this
    Also being a woman of action feels so tiring

    But I was

    And I like fly fly by and there’s a lot of movement action around me hurricane

    Action thrills and tires me

    My men are my action and I love riding them like eagles thru the clouds

    So im quivering here to say my lil words that I wanted to say

    For be and to prove me that I can protect me

    Hmm

    And just vuz its interesting

    Cuz this is for me and I want to be safe

    And I don’t feel safe wen ppl ask me to be quiet

    I feel sad
    And then after that lil girl safe I feel ferociously angry

    Saturday, 30 June 2012 @ 12:44pm

  339. 339: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    I feel So. Guilty!

    I want everyone to love me.

    I love my guilt!

    Awwe

    Its ok to get w a guys friend

    Anything is ok

    I am innocent. Me

    Saturday, 30 June 2012 @ 12:49pm

  340. 340: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    omg I manifested Japanese lessons that work effortlessly for my schedule:):):)

    weeeee I feel excited

    Saturday, 30 June 2012 @ 1:11pm

  341. 341: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    and the lessons are in this skyscraper downtown that I always felt curious about. Now I get to spend time in it:)

    Saturday, 30 June 2012 @ 1:15pm

  342. 342: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    :) Super blessed
    All of my actions are inspired and purposeful at this point in my life. I point to something, and the universe says, “Okay!” And the universe in turn points to something, and I say, “Okay!”

    Saturday, 30 June 2012 @ 1:33pm

  343. 343: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    338 Daria I feel curious why you would feel turned off by and judgmental of ambition and discipline?

    These are the traits that are required by many in order to keep a roof over our heads.

    I feel judgmental toward you that you have the luxury to feel turned off or judgmental toward ambition and discipline. I feel angry.

    Saturday, 30 June 2012 @ 1:56pm

  344. 344: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Girls,

    If anyone has a moment to pop over and look at my Pole Fitness website, in particular at the page I have just designed advertising a new product ‘Pole Treats’ which are Pole and Pamper days for women.

    What I would like to know is whether it would sound appealing to you all as women, and also whether you think it is fairly prices?

    Thanks in advance for any feedback.

    You can visit the web page here: http://www.twiztedangels.co.uk/pole-treats.html

    xoxox

    Saturday, 30 June 2012 @ 2:18pm

  345. 345: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    wow Ella I wish I lived there, I would sooo do that!

    Saturday, 30 June 2012 @ 2:22pm

  346. 346: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Emerson I feel surprised that you feel angry. Obviously if discipline and ambition creates blessings and abundance for one or maybe more humans that is where I believe is the best place to focus. Experience is proof of what works…. As such it is foolish to be jUdgemental of someone elses success. I choose to honor succesful people regardless of how they created their reality. As long as there is no infringement on another human being.

    Saturday, 30 June 2012 @ 2:33pm

  347. 347: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    I feel feelings about feeling things about other people’s feelings too <3

    Saturday, 30 June 2012 @ 2:59pm

  348. 348: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    FW please re-read my post. I was saying I feel curious and wondery why someone would feel judgmental and turned off by ambition and discipline.
    I am a fan of ambition and discipline as those are the things that keep a roof over our head.

    Saturday, 30 June 2012 @ 3:07pm

  349. 349: TamNo Gravatar says:

    more so, it is hard to function in today’s world with a lack of ambition and discipline, but everybody is different…I heard this yesterday: ‘when I die, I don’t want to say that other people liked how I lived my life, more important is that I liked my life’.

    In my book that means ambition and discipline is a staple, but hey, if people are happy and able to exist without that somehow, then fine by me… I just like to be independent which also usually necessitates the above two features.

    Saturday, 30 June 2012 @ 3:21pm

  350. 350: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    I feel good about ambition and discipline because it brings me to my goals and wildest dreams faster. At first, it felt like punishment, because I wasn’t used to it. I felt uncomfortable. It made me confront my fear of failure. It made me confront my perfectionism, and all that related stuff. But it eventually becomes second nature, so that it doesn’t feel like punishment or coercion. Much like how Rori’s lean back/anti-overfunctioning tools and philosophies felt very unnatural at first.

    To each their own, though. I try more and more not to judge because I notice that for me it comes from a place of sheer jealousy in disguise. Like when I was judging Alaska, I felt jealous that he could just be all “off his rocker” and get away with it in life, when I was trying so hard to be a sane, happy person.

    I still judge sometimes, though. Especially in the activist community, when I see activists bickering with each other.

    Saturday, 30 June 2012 @ 3:30pm

  351. 351: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks Starla,

    That feels good

    :-)

    Saturday, 30 June 2012 @ 3:41pm

  352. 352: BrandylionNo Gravatar says:

    I stopped in downtown Tempe last night to get ice cream. I got a parking ticket while I was inside; apparently the bus stop zone extended well beyond the sign, and I didn’t see the red “no parking” curb. The transit cop was really nice and explained the infraction kindly and that the lack of a meter at the spot where I parked was a good indication I shouldn’t have parked there, and said that if I’d gotten there 30 seconds sooner, he wouldn’t have printed the ticket. (30 seconds earlier, I was still inside paying for my ice cream!)

    The thing that occurred to me only later is, why does it never occur to me to use feminine “wiles”, like crying or telling him it was my birthday? I remembered a conversation with PriestCD last summer when we were walking back from a date in which I told him I’m not completely sure I actually even *have* feminine wiles because I am so inept at using them, whatever they are. I’ve never been one to lose my composure at a traffic stop or to bat my eyelashes and smile at a guy or do any of that cliched behavior. Am I really out of touch with my femininity and feelings, and some women do those things because they are really girly?

    Saturday, 30 June 2012 @ 3:43pm

  353. 353: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Wow, I have been doing so much website stuff, and reading/learning about google, my head feels swirly!

    ZZZZZwoooshhh.

    Saturday, 30 June 2012 @ 3:43pm

  354. 354: luzydelNo Gravatar says:

    I made a yummy burger with sweet potato fries…took the dog for a walk, Virgo guy (a new CD) wanted me to go out for a drive in his jeep with him, I said I prefer to stay local, so he made a date for a jazz concert next week by my neighborhood… Last week I went on a date with a guy, and it seems he wasn’t that into it after all, so ok it was just an ice-cream date :). talking to a few other guys, I just don’t like the way it feels when they start so strong then after 2 dates they cool off, and then start strong again… I want a more leveled, type of dating…

    Saturday, 30 June 2012 @ 3:56pm

  355. 355: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Emerson trust me I am in the same boat as you. When I read Daria’s comment about judgemental and turned offness I felt an internal shrug and yawn. I was surprised at the anger because I believe it is intense emotions that could be turned to love for myself in the moment. When I notice my anger these days I ask myself why am I angry. I guess I choose to write to bring to your awareness that you can choose not to hook into other people’s negativity as it could create negativity for yourself.

    I like to celebrate people so somone creating blessings and abundance us discipline and ambition is cause for celebration in my world. I love it when younger people live their passion. I love it when sirens share their successes.

    Saturday, 30 June 2012 @ 4:12pm

  356. 356: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    more than judgment I have jealousy issues to deal with. I went to the grocery store and something happened in my head that actually has happened to me for a long time: I got jealous of a girl I saw while out. I thought to myself, “CF would date her.” And it felt awful!

    Saturday, 30 June 2012 @ 4:15pm

  357. 357: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Brandylion the fact that you described it as “feminine wiles” suggest to me that you might believe it is a game or that you are judgtemental of femininity. Is that true? The way you wrote suggested playing games to me. Maybe I am wrong?

    Saturday, 30 June 2012 @ 4:17pm

  358. 358: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    In other news, my social status seems to be climbing. Someone called me just to chat and say hi that I’ve never talked to on the phone before and have known for years and years. I always felt like he and his social circle were above me. I felt so scared when I saw him ringing my phone, but I answered it with a hello and a smile, and I’m glad I did!

    The better I take care of myself, the more I do for myself, the more I break out of my comfort zones, the better my life gets. Everything is just transforming for me.

    In a way, I’ve “broken free” by not being with CF anymore. He would be very socially uncomfortable around these people, and I would have held myself back socially. I am growing in a different direction. I won’t say I’m growing “past” him, because we are just on different paths. I wish him much success on his own path!

    Saturday, 30 June 2012 @ 4:20pm

  359. 359: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    I am also facing my judgemental Goddess and talking to her. Talking my way to curiosity rather than putting it out into the world. Just recently I caught myself being judgemental of a guy who had locks. Thinking how untidy and unkempt it looked and just as I caught the internal contempt and was flipping it to curiosity he looked up and looked directly at me as if he felt me.

    Saturday, 30 June 2012 @ 4:22pm

  360. 360: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    An ex from over 20 years ago just resurfaced with a friend request on Facebook. I was just thinking of deactivating. The last time he showed up was early last year when he for the first time seemed to be sure of his feelings and was telling me he was finally ready to marry me because he believes he will never be happy unless he gets me. My first really long term relationship. The man who bought two sets of wedding rings for me. The first time around he was dragging his feet, I was advised that I should grab him by his lapel and get him down the aisles. I know now what that created. The second time he wanted it and after we got engaged I went exclusive and focussed on him. He repeatedly went hot and cold, dropped off the planet rubberbanding until I got bored. Then he was ready. Talk about history that proves Rori Raye way to be right.

    Saturday, 30 June 2012 @ 4:43pm

  361. 361: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    360 fw that feels so interesting to read. Are you going to deactivate now?

    Saturday, 30 June 2012 @ 4:57pm

  362. 362: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    I had not made up my mind. I was debating with myself.

    Saturday, 30 June 2012 @ 5:41pm

  363. 363: BrandylionNo Gravatar says:

    Sirens, I’m considering getting Christian Carter’s ebook. Do any of you have it? Have you found it worth your money and time?

    Saturday, 30 June 2012 @ 5:44pm

  364. 364: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    I have it. It is worth it. He is long winded and kind of goes around in a circle to get to a point but I find his work complementary to Rori’s.

    Saturday, 30 June 2012 @ 5:46pm

  365. 365: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    i didn’t like his e-book. Perhaps I should revisit it now. I read it before I found Rori.

    Saturday, 30 June 2012 @ 5:51pm

  366. 366: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Evan Marc Katz, one of the world’s leading dating coaches for successful women, shared with me that there are only two questions to ask yourself after a first date.

    #1 Did I have fun?
    #2 Is this person attractive enough for me to want to sleep with him or her?

    If you answer yes to both questions, that is enough reason to go on a second date.

    And it turns out, the most important bit of information isn’t what happens on that date, it’s what happens after the date–in the space “between” dates

    http://evolvingwisdom.com/attractyoursoulmate/in

    Saturday, 30 June 2012 @ 5:56pm

  367. 367: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    I just read a (physical) book by Arden Leigh called The New Rules of Attraction. I really liked it. It is also great complement, in my opinion. What I like is that everything in the book are practical tips you can actually put into action. This book inspired me to throw out all of my unsexy jammies and sweats and replace them with silky sleep sets and cute gym clothes.

    Saturday, 30 June 2012 @ 6:12pm

  368. 368: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    I also have “Why Men Marry B*tches,” but I haven’t cracked it open yet. I feel a bit overdosed on attraction materials right now. Feeling excited about reading the book down the line when I feel ready for it:)

    Saturday, 30 June 2012 @ 6:20pm

  369. 369: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Sodium Lauryl Sulfate (SLS)
    The same ingredient that creates that foaming feel in your shampoo is also found in most toothpastes. A harsh cleanser, it doesn’t affect some people, but studies have shown that it can increase the risk of mouth ulcers (canker sores). According to the Mayo Clinic, toothpastes and mouth rinses containing SLS can trigger canker sores. The ingredient is damaging and drying, and can disrupt the surface of tender tissues in the mouth, making them vulnerable to irritants.

    http://renegadehealth.com/blog/2012/06/27/does-your-toothpaste-have-these-toxins

    Saturday, 30 June 2012 @ 6:23pm

  370. 370: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    If a man starts to withdraw, instead of getting nervous say in a playful but confident way, “I guess you don’t know what to do with a real woman once you’ve met her. I guess it’s time to hang out with the girls, who don’t have all these hang ups”.

    The biggest challenge to throw a man’s way in the beginning are about issues having to do with dating. Asking him, “why can’t lots of men figure out that they don’t want a woman for a girlfriend before they get intimate or sleep with her”?

    It’s a question most women will never ask a man in a playful context that allows him to answer in a pressure free way.

    CCarter

    Saturday, 30 June 2012 @ 6:34pm

  371. 371: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    “I will only keep seeing you right now if this is going somewhere and you aren’t seeing anyone else, because I am not and I don’t want to waste my time”.

    Saturday, 30 June 2012 @ 6:36pm

  372. 372: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    When you say this to a guy, there’s an unconscious button that’s pushed in his mind that basically tells him and instills the belief that “this is a respectable and desirable woman who has the ability and the strength to pick and choose what happens in her life and with men, so I better make good of the situation”

    CCarter

    Saturday, 30 June 2012 @ 6:39pm

  373. 373: BrandylionNo Gravatar says:

    Hehehehe. I just got busted watching one of the handsome men from my program while he was in the pool. He saw me watching him from my apartment window and waved.

    I feel intrigued by shirtless men. I’ve looked at him in class, checked out his back and his chest under his t-shirts, and felt curious what he looked like shirtless. I felt so embarrassed when he caught me that I went away from the window, and by the time I felt brave enough to look again, he was out of the pool with a towel around his shoulders. It was too far away–I’m on the 6th floor–to get a good look anyway. ;-)

    Saturday, 30 June 2012 @ 6:48pm

  374. 374: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    woohoo! my 7 day Caribbean cruise is booked!

    Saturday, 30 June 2012 @ 8:51pm

  375. 375: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    travel to the ship itself seems super complicated, but I fortunately have a concierge service now that books all this stuff and figures it out for me. How cool! I feel so fancy. What a stark contrast from how things used to be in my life. 17% paycut at work and all. I’m still rockin it:)

    Saturday, 30 June 2012 @ 9:10pm

  376. 376: BrandylionNo Gravatar says:

    FW, you are right. I guess what I think of as feminine wiles is just game-playing, to get a particular response. So it’s control, I guess.

    But so much of what I think of as feminine wiles also looks like flirtation, and I don’t believe I am good at flirting. I can’t bring myself to flirt with someone I’m not interested in; I just feel flat, and that’s kind of the antithesis of feeling flirty. I’m also not sure I can even recognize when a man is flirting with me; it just looks like friendly, joking-around behavior to me, and I can’t tell the difference between a man doing that because he’s just friendly and joking and doing that because he’s flirting.

    I don’t think I even know what women do when they flirt. Hmm.

    Saturday, 30 June 2012 @ 9:10pm

  377. 377: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    How to get out of a parking ticket when the person who issued it is still there when you find it:

    “It was an honest mistake… ohhh, I feel so sad to be getting a parking ticket! You don’t have the authority to just rip this up, do you?”

    Go on and back any man into a corner where he has to say out loud that he *doesn’t have the authority* to do something. Muahahahhahaa. THAT is how you get out of most any ticket. I’ve never gotten a single speeding ticket in my life. And there you have it.

    Saturday, 30 June 2012 @ 9:15pm

  378. 378: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Brandylion just smiling at a man is flirting.

    Saturday, 30 June 2012 @ 9:16pm

  379. 379: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    I am by no means a “10” but I can flirt my way into ANYTHING. Every boss I have ever had (men) have recognized this quickly and put it to work for our businesses’ benefit. It’s totally sexist, but it’s smart business.

    Saturday, 30 June 2012 @ 9:20pm

  380. 380: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    eye contact and listening and smiling = flirting.

    teasing (as in making fun of them) = flirting

    not freaking out and running the other way and calling the police when they try to talk to you = flirting

    oh, men… (((((((((men)))))))))))

    Saturday, 30 June 2012 @ 9:41pm

  381. 381: EsteemedNo Gravatar says:

    Annie,

    325 – About your husband, I read your other comment while I was on the fly on my smartphone about how you feel you have to choose between your emotional suicide or your financial suicide, if you leave your husband.

    Once I saw a sad documentary on homeless women who had left abusive situations. They all agreed that they would take homelessness anyday over the abuse they were living in. Having been in some bad relationships myself, I heartily agree.

    I believe if you leave a bad relationship, no matter the financial consequence, you will have a far better chance for happiness in the long term. You may struggle, but you will have your life and your heart and won’t be compromising your very identity.

    I don’t know your full relationship, but it doesn’t sound too healthy with a man calling you crazy. A friend of mine, Cris, left a domestic violence situation 5 years ago. Her now exhusband was calling her crazy, along with threatening to throw her down the steps, while he was hurting her physically and emotionally.

    Now she may be struggling financially raising her two kids, but she has gotten her GED, and she has almost finished an associates degree. She wants to help other women who are in a bad situation and help them find healing.

    The way I look at therapists, at the very least, is having someone to talk to. Some are better than others. Some are life changing and compassionate. Those are the best ones. But even if they have some to be desired, I think most are helpful at least to a degree. I know I tend to fear getting involved with one. But I think it’s worth a try.

    I wasn’t feeling much benefit from going to one after a number of months. Like she had helped me but really didn’t have much more to offer. I was feeling far more help right here on the blog, so here I be! I sure value the wisdom and compassion of all the women here, and I learn and grow every day!

    Saturday, 30 June 2012 @ 10:05pm

  382. 382: EsteemedNo Gravatar says:

    Annie,

    324 – For healing from past traumas, I highly recommend Emily VanHorn:

    http://www.EmilyVanHorn.com
    http://www.gonewiththewand.com
    http://www.thewhole9.com/EmilyVanHorn

    Rori had an article about her once and she is excellent!

    Saturday, 30 June 2012 @ 10:09pm

  383. 383: EsteemedNo Gravatar says:

    Annie,

    324 – For healing from past traumas, I highly recommend Emily VanHorn. Just google her name.

    Rori had an article about her once and she is excellent!

    Saturday, 30 June 2012 @ 10:10pm

  384. 384: EsteemedNo Gravatar says:

    Starla,

    377 – LOL! Very good!

    Saturday, 30 June 2012 @ 10:16pm

  385. 385: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    I have plans to go to a commercial shoot tomorrow but it’s not clear if they will actually be shooting for the part I wish to attend? But they are shooting a LOT of commercials in the coming months and I will have many opportunities to be in a commercial. I feel weird and dumb… like when a guy doesn’t confirm a date that I am really looking forward to and I am in limbo wondering if he’s going to show up. Usually when I feel that way, he doesn’t show up. So maybe I should follow my gut and not go out of my way to show up for the commercial shoot.

    Eee I feel anxious/weird.

    Saturday, 30 June 2012 @ 11:20pm

  386. 386: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    i feel pressure to go out to the shoot and see if they’ll be shooting at the time I CAN be there, just because I told a few people I would be going and doing it. And THAT feels bad, too! I don’t want to do anything I am “obligated” to do. But I don’t want to avoid doing things, either, in case my comfort zone is trying to keep its grip tight around me.

    i feel totally confused.

    Saturday, 30 June 2012 @ 11:35pm

  387. 387: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    i feel like a ‘failure’ in other people’s eyes

    but whose eyes?

    what would i choose if no one else was watching?

    i’d choose not to go. i’d congratulate myself for being brave enough to have wanted to go. and next time, i will look at the schedule sooner so i can call to confirm at a decent time if different schedules posted are all different/conflicting.

    Saturday, 30 June 2012 @ 11:50pm

  388. 388: TamNo Gravatar says:

    @Starla ‘to thyself be true and it must then follow that you cannot be false to any man’ – something to the effect (I don’t remember this Shakespearan quote precisely). I live by that rule.
    If you don’t want to do it and it’s putting a stress on your life, then don’t – and pat yourself on the back for having made that decision. And pat yourself on the back for having secured this opportunity!! :)
    So where is the cruise leaving from? Just that I am in Miami and Ft Lauderdale Sept/Oct time, AND I have worked on ships also…I feel curious. I LOOOOOVE cruises.

    So I feel a little flat today, the guy I wrote about a few days ago, the one that got back into contact after 6 months of silence…he has been on my case. He de-friended me on facebook also, and I just did not want to get back into contact but felt curious as to what he wanted. He is 15 years older than me, has a girlfriend (they live like brother and sister) and is very intelligent/academic and also has a psychology quali. So instead of making light chit/chat, he starts to ‘analyse’ me and it made me feel patronised and the tone was condescending. He was saying stuff like ‘oh well, let’s see in what state you will arrive at your goals’ and so on. Basically what I hear from it is criticism, and ‘something is wrong with you’. Well, Ladies, this is a guy who has told me his life is a mess, he can’t separate from his gf because they bought a house together (bla bla)….and besides, I felt judged for following my dream. So I told him that I do not want to be in contact as I feel judged and criticised and analysed.
    He still wrote back!!!!!
    I am dropping that. He is totally different in person, much nicer and kind, but I just can’t waste my time on men that don’t know what they want. I need to spend my time on being ready for the man who does know what he wants: me!!
    Thoughts?

    Going for a date this evening, not excited about the guy but it will make the time pass….mind you, I am also writing on my diaries etc., so sometimes I think my time is better spent doing that then sitting and trying to make small talk with someone who doesn’t excite me…anyone feel like that sometimes? Anyhow, I need to socialise!!!

    Sunday, 1 July 2012 @ 1:27am

  389. 389: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Owww Sirens,

    Look at this fun website I just found!

    http://thesinglewivesclub.com/

    He, he… feels fun :-)

    Sunday, 1 July 2012 @ 2:42am

  390. 390: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Sirens,

    If you like my stuff you can also follow me on Twitter

    @redsirenjulie

    Sunday, 1 July 2012 @ 3:03am

  391. 391: FrancescaNo Gravatar says:

    Happy Canada Day!

    Sunday, 1 July 2012 @ 5:25am

  392. 392: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    388 Ella I like it!

    I’ve been trying to visualize my future husband. And kids.

    Sunday, 1 July 2012 @ 6:15am

  393. 393: AnnieNo Gravatar says:

    Ty Esteemed. I have felt angry for so long as Royi says it was a way of covering up and facing my deep emotional pain.
    I just now feel sad at all the wasted years and time that I will never get back.
    It is what it is, it feels difficult to find the energy and motivation and strength to get out of this.
    It feels ironic that my anger motivates and gives me energy but my sadness makes me feel stuck.
    I want to move out of this feeling of sadness, to feeling motivated and confident.

    Sunday, 1 July 2012 @ 7:10am

  394. 394: AnnieNo Gravatar says:

    Actually if feels more like grief than sadness

    Sunday, 1 July 2012 @ 7:12am

  395. 395: LovelyNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Sirens,

    I haven’t been on here in a while–I’ve been busy with an amazing man after circular dating and staying open. He had never seen anything like it. And I had circular dated online for a while, so by the time I met my man I was more stable and really enjoying the process. I was really having fun!

    And he showed up. He is an amazing man and we have been dating for a year now and when he drifted off–I dated. I really had a great time. In addition, a better career opportunity came up. And everyone has been saying how I “came into my own.”

    I have Rori and others to thank. I bought Targeting Mr. Right and Commitment Blueprint almost two years ago. They helped me immensely!!! I watched them so many times.

    I didn’t follow the process perfectly. But I did follow it in a general way, in a way that felt natural to me.

    And I also have to tell you that you WILL start meeting better men.

    Three days ago, he proposed. I have a huge shiny engagement ring from a man who adores me. He thinks I am the best woman in the world. And he is a catch. He is 6’4 and successful. He is about 5 years older than me. He’s 37.

    I’m engaged! I know I’ll be popping back in for encouragement and reminders, but I just wanted to thank you, Rori for all you do. Your service is so valuable. Any of you frustrated and looking, trust that you are en route to what you want. I look back and see how I dug deep roots and grew inside way before all of this happened outside.

    Thank you!

    Emily

    Sunday, 1 July 2012 @ 7:59am

  396. 396: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Congrats, Lovely!

    Sunday, 1 July 2012 @ 8:13am

  397. 397: LindaNo Gravatar says:

    201# I love this comment. A wonderful example of a postive focus. I cant seem to maintain it.

    I can feel positive and fabulous but I really have to work at it most of the time.

    I am unable to stay there in that frame mind.

    I totally do not know how to flip the switch.

    I can go to bed in a great mindset… sleep well, peaceful, rested… wake up and the first thought is, I am not wanted.

    I have people tell me I am ‘strong’ I want to be loved and happy.

    Linda

    Sunday, 1 July 2012 @ 8:21am

  398. 398: Rori RayeNo Gravatar says:

    I LOVE Emily! Love, Rori

    Sunday, 1 July 2012 @ 8:28am

  399. 399: EsteemedNo Gravatar says:

    Annie,

    393 – I can directly relate, both to feeling angry and to feeling sad about wasted years. I am not yet where I want to be. I am in process, and I hope to be in process for the rest of my life!

    but here is what I have found…they are not wasted years. Sure, this is loss and regret, but I have found that I genuinely like and love who I have become, as a long term result of all my struggles. I have become a well of compassion and understanding, where other women in my every day world seem callous to inner pain and human suffering.

    And that’s just an example. As a whole, the way I look at it, maybe others have grown tall, but I have grown deep.

    In my weaker moments, I still feel sadness and loss. Again, I am not saying I have arrived. But I feel like I struck a gold mine when I found Rori and her Sirens! :-) And this inner healing and learning how to have healthy relationships has become a huge thrust of my life. I invest a lot of time and money here. I like it.

    Sunday, 1 July 2012 @ 8:41am

  400. 400: EsteemedNo Gravatar says:

    Lovely,

    395 – CONGRATULATIONS! I love to hear Rori Raye success stories!!!!

    Sunday, 1 July 2012 @ 8:42am

  401. 401: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    I’m grateful for the luxury of privacy in my apartment
    I’m grateful for this soft bed underneath me right now
    I’m grateful for a laptop computer and an internet connection
    I’m grateful for weekend days off
    I’m grateful for my freedom
    I’m grateful I’m grateful I’m grateful

    Sunday, 1 July 2012 @ 8:43am

  402. 402: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    397 Linda – you’re still pretty ‘fresh’ out of a break up, so the fact that you can even maintain a positive, fabulous attitude for just a few minutes is pretty awesome.

    It will get better!

    Sunday, 1 July 2012 @ 8:45am

  403. 403: LindaNo Gravatar says:

    WHere are the Men who are really ready for a fabulous woman and life?

    Maybe it is my age. THe men in my age group are commitment phobes.

    I am tired of feeling I dont have what I want because of something that is wrong with me. The last relationship sure reinforced that.

    ….

    congrats EMily!

    Linda

    Sunday, 1 July 2012 @ 9:03am

  404. 404: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Linda, I feel that way too, though. And I’m 27. So maybe it’s not our age, but the frequency we’re riding along currently. If anything, I’d figure at an older age, men have been divorced and learned their lessons. I feel like at my age, the good ones married a few years ago or are marrying their long-term girl friends now, and I’m left with the bottom of the barrel.

    Omg, that is SUCH a negative though. I don’t want to actually believe that. Because whatever I believe is true.

    Sunday, 1 July 2012 @ 9:07am

  405. 405: LindaNo Gravatar says:

    THanks Starla

    I did not think of it that way.

    Linda

    Sunday, 1 July 2012 @ 9:09am

  406. 406: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Most of my girlfriends my age or younger have been married and divorced at least once at this point.

    I intend to let go of the idea that my age has anything to do with the potential for my romantic happiness. It’s essentially an unscientific, irrational thought, given the evidence to the contrary.

    Sunday, 1 July 2012 @ 9:25am

  407. 407: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    i woke up in a foul mood but deliberately focused on gratitude, and i am starting to feel much better.

    now i am going to get to the gym and see my “weekend visualization” through.
    :)

    Sunday, 1 July 2012 @ 9:30am

  408. 408: LindaNo Gravatar says:

    Yeah Starla.. they have been there done that…wanna just play around, they dont want to get STUCK again. Or have made the qualification list so high no one can fill it. Lots have very guarded hearts and are emotionally unavailable.

    My last relationship was a no win situation for me. I believed that it could turn around, but he would not let it. He would just keep steering it off into the ditch. That hurt me a lot. He did not want it to work… (as I took as further rejection of me) and therefore it didnt.

    I do things for me. I CD , I have things in my life that bring me joy, I do them… it is not my end all, or all I need or want for the rest of my life.

    Linda

    Sunday, 1 July 2012 @ 9:34am

  409. 409: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Random, but

    One of my biggest regrets right now is ever asking anyone else to be different so that *i* can be happy.

    Well, asking more than once or twice. After a couple of times without change, it should be a huge sign that it’s on ME to decide what to do to make myself happy.

    I intend to change this now:)

    Sunday, 1 July 2012 @ 9:40am

  410. 410: CurvySiren10No Gravatar says:

    Linda,

    I am in your age group and I can totally understand how you feel. Especially since your experience has told you this story, but I will say that there ARE men out there who are open and available for real, lasting relationships. I found one. And I know that there are plenty like him. You have to change the story you tell yourself, regardless of what your experience has been. I know that’s kind of easier said than done, but it will ooze from your being and that vibe WON’T ultimately attract the type of man you SO want and desire. It’s kind of like what Rori talks about..being soft and open and inviting. SO hard in practice when you’ve become jaded. Trust me, I know. But it DOES work…

    Keep working it out. You will get there!! :)

    Sunday, 1 July 2012 @ 10:14am

  411. 411: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    ack! bummer! they DID shoot the commercial when I could have made it. ah well.

    i just ran at the gym and beat my personal best time for a mile!

    Sunday, 1 July 2012 @ 10:17am

  412. 412: CurvySiren10No Gravatar says:

    Great self-realization and processing Starla. You are doing so amazingly well with the lessons learned from the CF experience. It’s truly ALL you can do right now…lamenting is such a pointless business. The past is a relic…we can’t go back and change anything, but we can observe it, learn from it, embrace what it’s taught us about OURSELVES. I have to accept this concept right now myself. I’m struggling with lamenting over something I simply can NOT change, so I’m writing this for my own benefit…but I think it’s very relevant to your situation as well.

    I’m just so darn impressed with you. Oh how I wish I had the self-knowledge and understanding you have at 27. :)

    Sunday, 1 July 2012 @ 10:18am

  413. 413: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    omg I LOVE this:
    “lamenting is such a pointless business. The past is a relic…we can’t go back and change anything, but we can observe it, learn from it, embrace what it’s taught us about OURSELVES.”

    Thank you for all your support, CurvySiren. I know we’re just internet peeps, but it means soooo much to me.

    Sunday, 1 July 2012 @ 10:34am

  414. 414: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    Yey!! Yey!! Yey!!! I’m happy! I’m feeling good inside!

    So I’ve been positively visualising and a lot of it is falling into place! I spent an amazing evening with strumming man. If it wasn’t for you sirens I’d have lost him months ago!

    I’m working on me. I’m not fearful and what will be will be.

    Woop woop woop! Happy happy!

    Sunday, 1 July 2012 @ 11:11am

  415. 415: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    The law of attraction is working for me financially too.

    With the new house there’s been a lot to pay for and especially when you find yourself having to suddenly finance it yourself.

    Well in just a few weeks I’ve paid off my credit card and overdraft and now at break-even. Next month I’ll be able to save! It’s so all about attitude!

    Sunday, 1 July 2012 @ 11:14am

  416. 416: siren songNo Gravatar says:

    congrats emily!!!

    i feel good reading this, especially because guy who loves me reacted to intensely to CDing. he said i was crazy and sometimes i believed him. xo

    Sunday, 1 July 2012 @ 11:18am

  417. 417: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    Just a thought I’m pondering… If you always feel your sadness, can you carry it around too long? Hmm…

    Sunday, 1 July 2012 @ 11:27am

  418. 418: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Ladies!!
    Lots of positive vibes here…good stuff.

    I went out with a date tonight, 1st date, but he was weird, first he could not look me in the eye – ever. then he talked a lot but did not listen…so I listened and as I am fairly bubbly it took a lot of energy, but it was ok. It was nice but don’t know if I want to meet him again, he is negative and I need people to be positive around me at this difficult time.

    One of my friends texted me from Miami, she just flew there and now decided she is going to work without a visa. Basically she is doing for what I do not have the guts and I felt pretty jealous…because I am here and she is there – but I want to do it the right way. That may mean never getting there though, i feel sad and that maybe I should just do what she did.

    Another CD poofed on me, well he was one of those with little self esteem…I had known him through friends on fb ‘oh you are single too bla bla’…but I noticed that whenever a guy posted on my fb, he used to send me a text saying ‘am I wasting my time’…BIG RED FLAG. He was going to call me today, I said I’d be home in two hours…I was 30 minutes later and text him ‘I am home’. and he just wrote a rude message saying if I can’t keep my word he is not going to waste his efforts anymore…meanwhile he de-friended me from fb (once before), but idiot that I am, I let him back in. I haven’t looked yet but for sure he has de-friended again. I feel a little angry…because he made me out like I did everything wrong and was not ‘worth his efforts’ (he even wrote this). I say: NEXT.
    I am fed up giving time to men with such low self esteem. Yeah, that’s judgemental, but can you imagine what he would do if I start speaking to other men or something? He is obviously extremely jealous and anxious. And now also rude.

    Oh well, they are dwindling ladies, but as I see it it’s sorting wheat from the chaff, NEXT.

    I miss MrU a bit, when I see what’s out there – it does make him look pretty good I am afraid. Oooops. Okay, I better get back on my horse and find some more daters… :)

    Sunday, 1 July 2012 @ 12:00pm

  419. 419: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    417 Smile, that’s a good question. I asked my therapist this, and he said it’s important to allow yourself to feel your feelings, sadness and all, or else you’ll be doing more harm than good. He said that when it starts to feel overwhelming, to push it away by doing something very mindfully, whether it’s doing the dishes or going for a walk or vacuuming. So yes, you can carry it around too long. But you can also hurt yourself by avoiding it entirely.

    In terms of LOA, I think that sincere sadness brings us contrast to climb from. To be even happier than before we got ‘sad’ about something.

    Sunday, 1 July 2012 @ 12:06pm

  420. 420: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    I am sitting here eating a homemade cereal I made from quinoa, fresh blueberries, walnuts, raw honey, and hemp milk, feeling in awe at my manifesting powers and how i manifested a free tropical vacation for myself.

    Sunday, 1 July 2012 @ 12:15pm

  421. 421: LindaNo Gravatar says:

    CurveySiren said:

    You have to change the story you tell yourself, regardless of what your experience has been. I know that’s kind of easier said than done, but it will ooze from your being and that vibe WON’T ultimately attract the type of man you SO want and desire. It’s kind of like what Rori talks about..being soft and open and inviting. SO hard in practice when you’ve become jaded. Trust me, I know. But it DOES work…
    …….

    I dont feel I am jaded. I am very very disheartened though. The men that come toward me, write me, dont follow thru. Or they do and I am totaly turned off by them and I wont endure a man I am not attracted to at all. My experiences with men have been unpositive. I dont know what I ooze. When I read things like that here I again feel that something is wrong with me. I could just scream!

    I feel confident in me. I smile at men, make eye contact. I am comfortable with me. Friday when I went out I just had fun. talked danced… that was just a moment…. When I was out alone on Monday a man came up to me and started talking to me. He has text me today, he is a seemed nice I felt no attraction to him at all though. That was a different moment…. I am not new to all of Rori’s tools or this blog. I am not being sucessful, or what I feel is sucessful.

    I want to be genuine. Some of this feels really fake to me. I hate fake.

    Linda

    Sunday, 1 July 2012 @ 12:24pm

  422. 422: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    Starla, I like the idea of being able to be happier than before we got sad. there is comfort to take from this whenever we feel sad. Thank you for your insight.

    Sunday, 1 July 2012 @ 12:26pm

  423. 423: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    ((Linda))

    Sunday, 1 July 2012 @ 12:41pm

  424. 424: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    ((((((((((((((Linda))))))))))))))))))

    maybe carve out 10 or 20 minutes a day to visualize a shift in this trend in your life? Give it 30 days, and if nothing shifts, go back to being disheartened guilt-free :D

    Sunday, 1 July 2012 @ 12:41pm

  425. 425: TamNo Gravatar says:

    the Universe delivers:

    I am having little bits of money coming in from something I had been working on for 6 months and never got any returns…

    AND one of my friends from South Africa just told me that he once flew 10000 Miles just to see me (when I thought he wanted to see his cousin). He reminded me that he flew to the UK twice, once to see his cousin and the second time (same month) to see me and ask to date me and maybe more….but he sensed that I was not really interested in him (which was true at the time, I was with someone else). WOW – this is 8 years ago. I had no idea that he came just for me…..I feel like a million dollars, just hearing that a man flies 10000 Miles to see me.

    Men can be amazing, if they want to be, and if they want us. There’s the proof.

    Sunday, 1 July 2012 @ 12:44pm

  426. 426: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    I used to feel jealous and resentful that 5 of my closest friends are getting married this year. I have always been the one in a steady relationship but suddenly find myself on the flip side. It’s taken me a while but now those feelings have passed. I feel joy for my friends that they have found something I am still hoping for.

    I’m bridesmaid at one of the weddings and I am thoroughly enjoying my duties. Ive made all the invites and feeling rather proud of myself! They look beautiful!

    Sunday, 1 July 2012 @ 12:45pm

  427. 427: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    I am feeling so sluggish and my head is hurting, even though I ate some really amazing, energy and heath giving foods. I chalked it up to the smoke in our state right now, but I don’t think that’s it. It feels like perhaps my body is naturally detoxifying. Like all this exercising I’ve been doing has triggered a natural detox response in my body. This is just the sense I get. Is this possible?

    Sunday, 1 July 2012 @ 1:04pm

  428. 428: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Hmm, I checked in with my body, and it told me to just keep going with whatever I feel inspired to be doing and eating. that it’s doing what it needs to be doing so that I can be doing what I need to be doing.

    Sunday, 1 July 2012 @ 1:26pm

  429. 429: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Smile, I was maid of honor twice last year but managed to shift away from feeling upset/jealous for both weddings. It was such a relief.

    Actually, at the first wedding, all the men were courting me and trying to dance with me, bringing me drink refills on stage where we were seated, and just generally fawning over me, and the BRIDE herself got jealous!

    Sunday, 1 July 2012 @ 1:32pm

  430. 430: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    Starla, that’s ace lol! I guess you can get lots of attention being part bridesmaid hey!

    Strumming man has been invited to two of the weddings coming up in a few weeks. When he was by last night he noticed the invites in the kitchen and said hey am I invited cool. I said yeh but you’ve missed one, that one I went to while he was being off… I’ve not asked him to go to the others yet. Whilst he’s back in my life more he still has a lot of stepping up to do! I would like him to be there but I’m not in a rush for us to be something. Slow is working for me. If I have to go by myself I will have the confidence to flirt the night away!!!!

    Sunday, 1 July 2012 @ 1:59pm

  431. 431: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    I meant being bridesmaid not part bridesmaid lol= typo!

    Sunday, 1 July 2012 @ 2:01pm

  432. 432: TamNo Gravatar says:

    429…how weird, why would a bride get jealous when she was getting married to the love of her life, who gives a toss what all the men are doing?

    Good for you to get all the attention though :)

    Do all you ladies here actually really believe that your happily ever after is simply a marriage and kids and all that jazz? Then I must be the odd one out. I would be happy just to have a functioning relationship, and yes maybe marriage down the road…kids maybe…but I don’t see it as my ‘goal’ to achieve. I think my goal is to be happy, actually. I am increasinly wondering whether searching for the right man, hoping for this and that, marriage and kids and ‘keeping up with the Joneses’ (getting married because your friends are)…is kind of like watching life go by…and making oneself unhappy rather than happy.

    I remember being quite content in my condo with my friends etc., and not really in a rush for anything else….now as I am out of my comfort zone I am thinking more about dating and men..perhaps I am just using it to distract me from all the other crap in my life right now.

    I feel a bit sheepish saying this here but my goal was never to wear a white dress and walking down the aisle…and raising a bunch of kids. Am I the only one? I almost feel inadequate and in the wrong place after reading all those wedding things. For me it’s a bit like buying a nice car. It looks good but at the end of the day it has to get you from a to b…nothing else…like a piece of paper and a ring…is worth nothing if the relationship is no good. Sometimes it feels like ‘getting the ring’ is the be all and end all here…but I saw so many engagements dissolved and marriages divorced that I don’t quite believe in that.

    I am feeling critical. Perhaps because I could have got married to a guy whom I suspected didn’t love me. Though he said it all the time, helped me financially etc, so yeah, I could have had the ‘whole enchilada’ but I never felt that he was interested in the real me…and now it turns out, surprise, surprise, that I was right.
    So that enchilada was pretty mouldy and in the rush of adrenaline and the ‘I want to marry you excitement’ it was hard to see the wood for the trees.
    I’d rather have a little tasty salad than something stale and mouldy…ring or no ring. But maybe that is just me. Am I wrong here, or am I deluding myself to believe in love without marriage? Maybe.

    Sunday, 1 July 2012 @ 2:11pm

  433. 433: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    love/marriage/the ultimate dream is different for everyone:)

    Sunday, 1 July 2012 @ 2:34pm

  434. 434: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    omg, i discovered why i am feeling so awful — the charger on my laptop is melting and leaking. yikes. toxic. ordering a new one ASAP.

    Sunday, 1 July 2012 @ 2:36pm

  435. 435: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    Tam, different people want different things. Yes lots of people do want to be married. Some people don’t. I think that’s a personal answer.

    I read starlas statement about the bride being jealous as she was getting the attention, and the focus should be on her as it’s her big day so she thought. Not that she wAnted other men to chase her.

    Yes I do want children. I would be so devastated if I never got the chance to be a mother. But I want to be able to share that with the right person. I do want to be married but that is not my only goal in life. It’s not the be all and end all to make me happy. But yes I am here to work roris tools so that I can have a marriage that has mutual love trust respect and support.

    I feel triggered that just because you might not want to be married that it’s something I cannot desire.

    Sunday, 1 July 2012 @ 2:37pm

  436. 436: TamNo Gravatar says:

    ok, maybe a reflection of my immaturity, I first had a 19 year old contact me on POF (almost 20 years younger…eek), telling me he thinks I am really attractive…
    and then a 28 year old also….ah that’s only 9 years…

    very funny. Maybe I need to ‘grow up’?

    Sunday, 1 July 2012 @ 2:39pm

  437. 437: TamNo Gravatar says:

    435, no, that’s all good…everybody wants different things..just that what exactly is marriage?
    and what makes it all that different from a committed and mutually fulfilling relationship other than a piece of paper and two rings. Maybe that is what I feel confused about and don’t get.
    I am not religious, you see. So quite frankly maybe I don’t see the point. Or maybe I have seen to many divorces?
    Not sure what it is, maybe I need to think about why I find marriage a little..well, pointless.

    Sunday, 1 July 2012 @ 2:45pm

  438. 438: TamNo Gravatar says:

    …and wanting all attention when you are getting married as the bride…that feels needy to me…isn’t it about celebrating with your friends and your union with your partner???
    or is it a beauty pageant where one needs to draw more attention than the other…a kind of competition?? ermmmm..that makes it even more pointless for me.
    Sorry, I am sure I am not making friends with these comments but I would like to think that if it was my birthday or wedding and my friend drew attention, that I would be happy to have such an attractive and lovely friend….and not pout and think ‘but this is all about meeeeeeeeeeeeeeee’….I would hope so but being there might be another matter

    Sunday, 1 July 2012 @ 2:48pm

  439. 439: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    Tam are you confused about why you need the ceremony maybe then? Not all marriages have to take place in a church. My mum has recently got engaged at the age of 55 to someone she met online. They have been together for 2 years. he has never been married before and wants to make a commitment to her. My dad however has also been with his partner for 3 years and doesn’t believe in getting married again. Before that my mum and dad were married for 30 years before they got divorced. No you don’t NEED to be married. It goes back to personal choice.

    Sunday, 1 July 2012 @ 2:52pm

  440. 440: TamNo Gravatar says:

    hm. maybe. not sure, I think people can commit in many ways and also consciously…by having kids, by moving in together and having a property together, just by being together….
    there are so many different ways and maybe for me the companionship is more important than the piece of paper, I guess??

    Sunday, 1 July 2012 @ 2:56pm

  441. 441: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    i think my friend was used to these guys paying attention to HER, but she became unavailable, and they looked elsewhere.

    Sunday, 1 July 2012 @ 2:56pm

  442. 442: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    I am feeling un smiley right now

    Sunday, 1 July 2012 @ 2:57pm

  443. 443: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    All these forms of commitment whatever it may be that you desire if any, have the ability to crumble. People get divorced, people live together and gave kids. We might not have this bit in common no but…. What we do share by being here is the desire to have a committed relationship and keep it committed/ long lasting/forever

    Sunday, 1 July 2012 @ 3:02pm

  444. 444: TamNo Gravatar says:

    yes, exactly…although don’t get me started on ‘forever’ as I do have to say one thing that is unfortunately true:
    ‘the only constant in life is change’
    BUT that doesn’t mean we can’t aim for a ‘forever’ in a relationship…right?!

    Sunday, 1 July 2012 @ 3:04pm

  445. 445: TamNo Gravatar says:

    I do think true happiness comes from accepting that there are no guarantees for anything in life, none whatsoever and we as humans tend to want a guarantee…I am as guilty as the next one.
    When I have mastered not wanting to be in control and not wanting a guarantee, then I would consider myself happy – in the moment – as life is a series of moments. Least all do we have control over other people…they stay with us out of free will not because they have a ring on their finger….so marriage in some ways is symbolic of the ‘will’ to stay together – at that moment of marriage. I guess. Oh nevermind, I am spamming now….and I am not even against marriage at all…. :)

    Sunday, 1 July 2012 @ 3:10pm

  446. 446: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    I put slash forever. You can choose the one before if you want which is long lasting. How ever long it turns out to be. But yes you can aim forever. It’s more likely to last forever though if you believe truly that it will. But there are two people involved and I believe you both have to truly believe it

    Sunday, 1 July 2012 @ 3:14pm

  447. 447: CurvySiren10No Gravatar says:

    There are legal, financial, social, emotional benefits to marriage. I am divorced but in a relationship now that is being defined by the two of us, and only us. We are engaged but both of us (after coming out of long term marriages and both with lots of kid and financial obligations) see things VERY differently than we might if we were younger, and with different goals in mind. We are basically defining this by our own desires/needs vs. societal norms. I feel so grateful for this option.

    And the beautiful thing is- we can do that!! As long as both people are on the same page, why not??!! And remember, the theme here and Rori’s “thing” is having the relationship we want. That can look like very different things to different people… yet we can all relate to wanting that relationship, regardless of how the ends up looking to each individual.

    Sunday, 1 July 2012 @ 3:18pm

  448. 448: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    grrrr, the feelings came back. how can you be close with someone for 9 months and just dump them in an email and never speak to them again? i didn’t deserve that one bit. not even a little tiny bit. grrrrrrrrr.

    glad to see that time is healing me. hello, bad feelings. we’re going to feel bad for a bit and then we’ll get up and do something else.

    Sunday, 1 July 2012 @ 3:45pm

  449. 449: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    how can someone who was so nice to me just flip the switch like that? i thought i knew him, but I guess I didn’t.

    Sunday, 1 July 2012 @ 4:15pm

  450. 450: EmoticonNo Gravatar says:

    (((((((everyone in Colorado))))))))

    Sunday, 1 July 2012 @ 4:43pm

  451. 451: EmoticonNo Gravatar says:

    So I went to DC this weekend and the night I got there, there was a twister and blackout.

    The CD who didnt talk to me in a week picked me up so we can talk about what happened. Then he dropped me off so I could go out with my friends. Despite the blackout we went out and had fun at the club. The DJ even called me out of the croud into the DJ booth and everything.

    The saturday night he picked me up and took me to his house. Then because of the blackout it was too dark and hot there so he got a hotel room and gave me like a gazzillion massages, :-)

    It was cool! I have something else to say but maybe tommorrow cuz its kinda long and complicated.

    Sunday, 1 July 2012 @ 4:47pm

  452. 452: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Those are just rhetorical questions and i am going to be just fine.

    Thanks, Emoticon.

    I have been wanting to say something out loud about the fires, and I think this is the only safe place I have to do it —

    Perhaps everything’s burning because it is what we need here. God’s plan is mysterious.

    Also, I have been doing manifestation work for rain but it seems as though hoping for rain was only popular for like a day with everyone here while the homes were burning in Colorado Springs.

    I dunno, this fire stuff has shined a big light on the true nature of American humanity?

    Sunday, 1 July 2012 @ 4:49pm

  453. 453: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    This blog feels so frightening.

    I hate how I feel so unsafe Herr lately.

    DISCIPLINE

    AND AMBIution are words that turn me off… yhyre like epitome of masculine controlling energy for me

    This is how I process launching off in the opposite direction. From discipline and ambition

    Too bad im not really heard or got sometimes

    It that they judge me and I feel unsafe in this world
    Committed to fight and sacrifice for discipline and ambition

    U know where im going and im here

    I can be me and be seen and skip what hurts

    Sunday, 1 July 2012 @ 4:58pm

  454. 454: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Feminine woman – ive noticed in myself when I think ‘shrug yawn’ im feeling very angry and sitting on it holding it down trying to turn it to boredom.

    It feels really interesting to notice actually,

    I also notice im feeling really scared to interact with you after reading that comment… maybe Cuz of the unexpressed anger? I dono

    Sunday, 1 July 2012 @ 5:05pm

  455. 455: EmoticonNo Gravatar says:

    Ure welcome Starla!

    Sunday, 1 July 2012 @ 5:05pm

  456. 456: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Emoticon, i feel happy that people are still out and having fun despite the blackouts!

    I’m going to get myself something good to eat and shut down the computer and telephone and put on a movie and just slow down and take care of me for the rest of the night, peace ladies:)

    Sunday, 1 July 2012 @ 5:12pm

  457. 457: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    I had a really good time with SmartCD this weekend, a great reminder of why we are together. And started to realize that he is not ‘letting’ his situation happen to him, he is fighting, but it is a very tough battle and being a decent honest person he doesn’t use the same kind of manipulative aggressive approach as the other side, so it is really hard to win for him. It seems like she is using a lot of lies against him, she makes something up every day and feeds it to lawyers and parenting mediators, so he is on the defensive constantly. The dirtiest and craziest lies are the hardest ones to fight against because how can you prove that something is NOT happening? That you are not taking the child to Hooters? Or not going yourself to a strip club?

    I can’t stop wondering what this woman’s problem is. she never had to lift a finger in her life to have the most incredible lifestyle and she can still have all that if she only lets the child spend half of the time with his father. What’s so wrong about that? Plus my guy is very respective of her in the boy’s presence, never fights in front of him, teaches him all the right things. He is a good person and a great father, how many women would be incredibly happy that their children have a father like this. But for her it seems that nothing matters ;(

    Sunday, 1 July 2012 @ 5:35pm

  458. 458: LindaNo Gravatar says:

    I used to be very guarded about giving out my number to men.

    Now I do it… but they dont call. What the heck was I worried about.

    I have men giving me their number on the dating website. I in turn give them mine because I Dont want to intiate or lean forward. They still dont call.

    I simply dont get it. I have absolutely nothing attached to the outcome of a … I would love to meet you…. can we chat? I respond with something like that would wonderful…here is my number etc etc.

    One fellow went on and on about my beauty and how he wanted to meet me. (Though I thought he was laying it on pretty heavy and fake)… I spoke to him on the phone twice… he never called me to set up an actual meeting time … That was two weeks ago. I used to want to text or call and ask what was up? WHy or what happened, but now I dont. He did not call because He did not want to.

    Why do men waste their time if they are not really interested?

    Sunday, 1 July 2012 @ 6:46pm

  459. 459: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    Linda,

    You have to keep on looking. It’s a numbers game. It’s not you and on the other hand I feel there is no need to generalize with men either. You have to keep trying until you hit a sincere person who will like you. It’s not easy and may not happen tomorrow but eventually it will ;)

    Sunday, 1 July 2012 @ 7:17pm

  460. 460: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    I would not offer my number. Also, I used to make the first call myself. I blocked my number and call because I did not want to give my number to say a crazy person. This approach was not well accepted on this blog, but it worked well for me.

    Sunday, 1 July 2012 @ 7:19pm

  461. 461: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    i think a certain level of leaning forward has to happen with online dating, at least for safety’s sake. I think it presents you as a high value woman anyway, when it is clear that you’re protecting yourself against crazies and not so desperate for male attention you’ll give anyone online your number or your address to pick you up.

    Sunday, 1 July 2012 @ 7:48pm

  462. 462: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    i shut off the movie I picked out because it was way too violent and sad for me. Maybe another night I will feel like watching it.

    I’m a bit of a contradiction — i listen to brutally intense metal music, where i’m often the only woman at a concert, but i can’t watch violent movies.

    It still felt good to spend a couple hours with myself, just focusing on me. now i am putting moisturizer on my face and relaxing before bed.

    Sunday, 1 July 2012 @ 7:51pm

  463. 463: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    all the guys that were paying attention to me poofed. but they were not the quality of man i am looking for anyway. so it’s really a blessing. But they did all mention wanting to hang out with me to do specific things, and then they poofed. Maybe they could smell my unsure vibe. Or maybe the universe is just kind and bringing me exactly what I need. Likely the latter:)

    Sunday, 1 July 2012 @ 8:14pm

  464. 464: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    I just realized that my last first date happened almost 6 months ago.

    Any tips on how close people get usually after 5-6 months?

    Sunday, 1 July 2012 @ 8:16pm

  465. 465: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    I posted a comment to Starla and it didn’t go thru :(

    Sunday, 1 July 2012 @ 8:19pm

  466. 466: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    And it didn’t go thru again :(

    Sunday, 1 July 2012 @ 8:21pm

  467. 467: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    grrr, i want to read your comment!

    Sunday, 1 July 2012 @ 8:23pm

  468. 468: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    ;) Was saying that these non-important guys have a tendency to reappear out of the blue. And was asking if you’re brushing up your profile yet.

    Sunday, 1 July 2012 @ 8:29pm

  469. 469: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    i’ve lost interest in the soulmate i visualized a few nights ago. he’s boring to me now… i think because he’s not rowing the boat. I’ve created him in my head and now I must overfunction to keep him “here” in my vision.

    Hmmm… I want to feel love and interest in a man without any action on either of our parts. To just feel the love and interest, and let it be. And do nothing. And have no expectations of him. Or judgment.

    Is love “work?” For one person or another? Or is that just ‘relationship’ that’s work?

    Sunday, 1 July 2012 @ 8:29pm

  470. 470: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    I don’t know if either is ‘work’ lol. It is acceptance but then you feel that you’re growing when you do this, so it makes you feel content and happy. I feel excited a lot and sometimes like a light bulb going on in my head and can’t tell the difference btw ‘love’ and ‘relationship’. Maybe it’s because we never called each other gfriend and bfriend lol.

    Sunday, 1 July 2012 @ 8:36pm

  471. 471: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    468 Memulo,
    yeah, you are so right, girl! these guys have been in and out of my life for YEARS now.

    No profile yet;). Not ready. This is Starla time. The only boy energy I feel good expending right now is energy for myself and myself alone. If it is in the cards for me to date right now, a man will make it happen for us. Otherwise, I will get on a site when I feel ready for it:)

    Sunday, 1 July 2012 @ 8:38pm

  472. 472: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    Happy Starla time ;)

    Sunday, 1 July 2012 @ 8:39pm

  473. 473: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks, Memulo. Happy happy:)

    Sunday, 1 July 2012 @ 8:43pm

  474. 474: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    While I was walking to get the food, I felt so beautiful in my minidress with my curly, natural hair glowing in the sunlight. I could feel so much positive energy coming towards me from people passing in their cars and from the universe.

    And when I was laying on my sofa watching the movie, I noticed how beautiful my legs are. And how young I feel and look. And what a catch I am:). And how any man would be lucky to be on that sofa with me watching a movie.

    ((((((((((((me)))))))))))))

    Sunday, 1 July 2012 @ 8:49pm

  475. 475: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    I am going to bed:)

    Sunday, 1 July 2012 @ 9:14pm

  476. 476: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    one of my brothers died :( i love you

    Sunday, 1 July 2012 @ 10:27pm

  477. 477: siren songNo Gravatar says:

    ((Daria))

    Sunday, 1 July 2012 @ 10:35pm

  478. 478: siren songNo Gravatar says:

    Omg i barely thought about guy who loves me all day.

    I hung out with a bunch of guys all night and i feel really good.

    Sunday, 1 July 2012 @ 10:37pm

  479. 479: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    256 Jessie I just saw your words to me thank you :)

    Sunday, 1 July 2012 @ 11:17pm

  480. 480: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    thanks Siren Song

    Sunday, 1 July 2012 @ 11:20pm

  481. 481: TereanaNo Gravatar says:

    I wish I had some man crack. But man crack is just like candy: tastes good for a while, but ultimately it is dispensable and In high doses is unhealthy. A little candy once in a while is okay…

    But I think I’ve hit a new low. I have no explanation for why this would happen, and I don’t feel it’s on me to strain to find a ‘reason.’

    Yesterday, I was at the beach. I took some much-needed “me time” on a beautiful afternoon. I wished I could have been with friends, but it was just as well alone. I felt like I could have say there forever. And it wasn’t the warmest day ever, but I took my top off, with my green bikini on and let the sun warm my skin. I was feeling so sireny, concentrating on my feelings and sensations, to let my stress melt away into the sand…

    Suddenly, I open my eyes, and a man is standing there, in white t shirt & sunglasses. He says can he sit down. I say sure. I put on my shirt because I am cold. He asks if I mind if he takes his off.

    I say no.

    And at some point, I realize I know this guy. I’ve seen him on this beach before. And he did almost the same thing – asked if he could sit near me. Asked about my “boyfriend.” last year, I told him I had a bf, because I was seeing roboat at the time. But this time I say I have no one.

    He’s asking if he can move closer. I say yes. Closer is almost a little too close, but I decide that I am going to see how it feels.

    I ask him about his girlfriend. He says there is “a girl.” This man is Croatian, I forgot to mention. His name is B. So I imagine a woman in Croatia. And I jokingly say, “you’re married,” winking, kind of. Being playful. He looks shy, but doesn’t answer. And then, more serious, I say that I don’t want to date a man that has a girlfriend.

    He’s moving even closer. Touching my arm. Kissing my hand. I have no intention of even giving this guy my number, much less go out with him. I am just enjoying myself, and I really wanted to be touched! Just generally, that is.

    Then he looks out across the sand. Suddenly, he jumps up. “My wife!” And he runs over. Not just his wife. His wife and a small daughter. He actually wandered away from them and came and hit on me.

    I am so bewildered and dumbfounded, that I just sit and watch as the woman strides over to me. Honestly, I just really wanted to know if she was his wife or what. Then she starts calling me a bitch and what am I trying to do with her husband. I get up and explain that it was him. He came over. I literally did nothing (siren skills handy ; ) Not only that, but I am totally uninterested in a married man.

    Now she is just yelling at him. Their poor little daughter is sitting in the sand, I am sure confused out of her mind. Or maybe she’s seen this so much, it seems normal. The couple walk off, she is still yelling, “b*tch! B*itch!”

    I am shaken, but feel unharmed. And I just pack my things up as quickly as I can and get out of there. It was a good time to leave the beach. Talk about a siren episode gone awry…whew! But I made it through.

    And I was glad it all came out. Wow, that was weird. Very surreal….

    Sunday, 1 July 2012 @ 11:21pm

  482. 482: TereanaNo Gravatar says:

    Starks, I like your gratitude thing today.

    I am going to try. I feel grateful for…

    My new kitten!
    The two wonderful clients I saw today
    My bed
    My hair
    My body
    The air, so I can breathe : )
    My fan
    My comfy sleeping pants
    The dinner I made for myself
    Driving
    Coffee
    Milk
    Coconut oil

    Okay, that’s it for now. Now I am grateful for sleep!

    Sunday, 1 July 2012 @ 11:30pm

  483. 483: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    my name is Dariaaaaaa

    Dariaaaaa

    and if im never seen aagin

    its the world not me thats suffering

    im heere now

    im a galactice traveler

    i came w my crew

    and were going back

    to our earthship starship

    waters

    eat me

    im here

    hear me im near

    my words are medicine

    for the soul of everyone

    i love my experience

    of meness

    so sad to be me and alone curled

    up

    ugh

    wretching and sik

    fuchk

    theres somethung about thus happiness

    my body can get hi off

    Sunday, 1 July 2012 @ 11:59pm

  484. 484: ViNo Gravatar says:

    (((((((((((Daria)))))))))
    feels terrible….hugs to you sweetheart

    Sunday, 1 July 2012 @ 11:59pm

  485. 485: GoldenflowerNo Gravatar says:

    395: Lovely
    Congratulations Emily. This is so wonderful and inspiring. Much needed positive news. Please keep posting now and then, it’s so great to hear how all these tools can work in relationship and after marriage too.

    Monday, 2 July 2012 @ 2:12am

  486. 486: GoldenflowerNo Gravatar says:

    440: Tam says:
    hm. maybe. not sure, I think people can commit in many ways and also consciously…by having kids, by moving in together and having a property together, just by being together….
    there are so many different ways and maybe for me the companionship is more important than the piece of paper, I guess??

    Sunday, 1 July 2012 @ 2:56pm

    I find this topic interesting. Tam, i used to beleive this my whole life up until a couple years ago. I was shocked to suddenly feel i was ready for and wanted to be married. I read Rori’s tools and I have to say for the most part I agree that if you just agree to live with someone and be “the girlfriend” then the man does take you for granted more and see it as temporary. I have experienced this certainly. I beleive a committment ceremony or marriage is a beautiful way of commmitting your hearts to each other and a formal way to promise that you want this to be forever or for the rest of your lives. Even if that does not come to pass. It is always the intention which matters. And I also think it is an advantage for us to be married to a man, he thinks far harder about making a marriage work than making a relationship work. But as I said, i was so shocked when i realised marriage made sense to me, after all these years. I think I resisted the idea in opposition to my parents views. They were very strict and conservative people so i have always taken the left field stance on most things. Only now in my mid thirties do i see the value in some more traditional ways of doing things. There is a reason men and women have kept marriage as one of the most important events in a persons life, through all these centuries of change. I would avoid having a big showy wedding, i would ideally love to elope, just the two of us. then have another ceremony with close friends and family only. No big money, just all about the committment itself.
    I have ended up with my own house, which me and my partner bought together. I was the one who wanted to keep the house. So I decided for myself that if i ever do find the right man then I will not let him live with me unless we are married. Or we can get a new home together , again after we are married. Here’s hoping I can embody these dreams. xx

    Monday, 2 July 2012 @ 2:31am

  487. 487: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    thanks Vi

    Monday, 2 July 2012 @ 2:49am

  488. 488: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    im feeling so peaceful and happy

    im becoming more creative

    and SO wise everyone is hearing me

    im becoming more ME

    and men are here to do More ME

    and if ever not then i dont want that

    even when it feels confusing and disappointing

    emotions say just lean back

    if pain then theres holding theres control

    Monday, 2 July 2012 @ 2:52am

  489. 489: GoldenflowerNo Gravatar says:

    Hi all sirens,
    I feel so sad and raw. I am really hurting today. Its actually a miracle I am at work. Between illness and heartbreak I though I would have to call in sick. But as ever in the morning I go to my routine, i turn up for work, I survive.
    Last night I shdnt have gone out but I’d stayed in all weekend to try and get rid of this chest infection. So by sunday night I was bored and mainly i hoped to run into the tallguy at a gig we both ticked attend to on fbk. this was afew weeks ago. Of course he wasnt ther, so I felt dissapointed. And the night was quite flat, and sombre with my friend telling me all his break up news, i eneded up counselling. So had two drinks, a mistake. And felt really down and lonely as I went home. made mistake on going onto fbk (why?) and noticed my most recent ex was online. I had started NC with him about 3 weeks ago, but kept him on fbk. So I asked him how he was, sorry Italy lost euro cup(he’s italian). And he made some replies and asked how i was, told him had an empty night etc. He said he hoped i felt better tmrw, he had to go to bed as up early tmew, and then sd night night. I started to type my reply and he vanished!!! I felt so hurt in my slightly drunk low state. So I launched into a long expression of how i felt. What i still didnt understand about why he had cut me off when things were going so well etc. I know he has extreme depression and a famuily crisis but cant seem to not make it about the fact he didnt think i was right for him. Or surely he would have wanted to keep me in his life. We really did have a good happy time, just maybe he was unable to feel truly happy and was hiding his depression. I just cant seem to get my head round the truth. I spent sat mourning him again, after saw him post a song on fbk. I just miss him.
    So basically I wrote a long diatribe which enmded with me saying i would have to go and nt even be on fbk with him. It just hurt too much. I’ve written several long messages to him and he has responded in some way, usually not directly answering any points i make. But anyway its been a bit of a gradual process of me getting closure. I@m sorry but I cant see my way to not wanting closure on something. Because I feel if i am never to see this man the rest of my life, then I want him to know exactly how I feel and who I am, and how I saw things. I cant imagine anything worse than leaving a connection open from someone who is probably not worth my energy. I seem to need closure to move myself forward. To create a boundary line, where i say thats it, no more maybes and hoping and waiting for this one. Can anyone help me on this aspect. I feel so lost today. My eyes are all puffy at work and i feel like we split yesterday, even though it was about 6 weeks ago. This man and i only went out for two months, but it was blissful for me, and it felt so special. Help anyone who can help me to move on. I seem to have lost my perpective. Going ther with him last night, has brought me down. i feel needy and rejected and unvalued.
    ((((me)))))

    Monday, 2 July 2012 @ 2:55am

  490. 490: TamNo Gravatar says:

    (((((((((( Goldenflower)))))))))))
    Oh, I feel soo sad for you and can really relate.
    I don’t know what to say but in the end you know what to do:
    focus on yourself.

    I mourn for ages, sometimes months…and in the end it is true at least for me that time will heal, and meeting someone else special, which you absolutely will.

    I know it is rare to have that special connection with someone and am also still mourning my guy, but alas, what’s not meant to be is not meant to be and on occasion I really feel like there will be a friendship left, at some point, which will have made all the suffering worth it. I know it goes agains all that is taught here, but rather than cutting people off, I decided to see if I can heal so much to ‘let them do what they feel like’ unless it is detrimental to me. I am learning still…

    Hope you are feeling better sooooooon!!!

    Monday, 2 July 2012 @ 3:29am

  491. 491: LindaNo Gravatar says:

    Daria – I am sorry for the loss of your brother ((Daria))

    —My comments on giving out my number online__

    I feel pinched here that my saying that drew remarks that it was unsafe. I just dont throw it out there, it is after a few emails and them asking. I NEVER tell where I live. How else would you get in contact and talk if you dont exchange numbers. I called one man like a lean forward. I did not like it. If a man asks for my number after I feel our e-mail exchange… and he offers his number, I give them mine. I dont call men. Unless I am in a relationship.

    Golden Flower….

    I am sending you a hug (((Goldenflower)))… I stayed in all day yesterday. I felt down. I had a CD text me and ask me to meet him for dinner and I turned him down. I was doing laundry and it was really short notice. I really just did not feel like exposing myself to anyone yesterday. I was sad. I had been crying. I just did not have the energy to pull it together and go out.

    Linda

    Monday, 2 July 2012 @ 3:36am

  492. 492: TamNo Gravatar says:

    so I got a feedback from the guy I had a date with yesterday, who didn’t rock my boat (at all).
    He apologised for talking too much and said it was because he was nervous as I am not the usual ‘village person’ in the way I dress and carry myself, that I am fun to be with and he would like to see me again…
    So I forgive him for not asking me 1 question, cutting me off on the odd occasion I tried to say anything, and just talking, talking, talking. He was nervous. Bless. I am 5’2” and about as unintimidating as you can all imagine…but ok.

    I feel flattered and pleased, but not sure if I want to meet him again….we shall see…

    Monday, 2 July 2012 @ 3:37am

  493. 493: TamNo Gravatar says:

    (((Linda)))
    I just think all these things you or we are feeling are so reassuringly normal after a break up, or losing someone we love and had a connection with (no matter how ‘unworthy’ they might have been or simply not our men)

    It’s just the normal thing, and no matter how much we focus on ourselves and distract ourselves, meet new men etc, time is a factor to be considered. Time will indeed heal. Getting self-confidence back will heal. You will HEAL!!!

    Monday, 2 July 2012 @ 3:39am

  494. 494: LindaNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you Tam.

    I hate this long season in my life.

    I guess my sadness shows that after having my heart broken 4 years ago to the place where I could not function for months… I found the ability to care again.

    Linda

    Monday, 2 July 2012 @ 3:57am

  495. 495: TamNo Gravatar says:

    493 ‘ this too shall pass ‘

    I promise this to you, me and everybody else :)

    Monday, 2 July 2012 @ 4:04am

  496. 496: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Linda, we come through at the other end, I am proof.

    I have a ‘strong’ couple of days right now, but feel afraid it won’t last. 2 CD’s poofed on me ‘just like that’ but do I care? Not one bit. Being a little heartbroken also hardened me. I thought ‘well, that’s ok, good bye then, making room for something better’. If I couldn’t have the one I really wanted, why should I be bothered if those poof that I wasn’t all that interested in. That’s one positive.

    So poof poof poof and make room everybody, for my Mr Right….if he’s not coming this year or the next, well, then I will just try to have fun with some ‘Mr Right Now’s’ :)

    Monday, 2 July 2012 @ 4:09am

  497. 497: GoldenflowerNo Gravatar says:

    Thankyou so much Linda and Tam. I appreciate you taking the time to replay. It feels so comforting to be able to write and be heard on this blog. I sometimes feel like my friends get fed up or have their own issues, or are in a couple and are just like…”he’s not worth it”, or you need to stop picking losers etc. Too easy to say when you’re not out there yourself.
    Tam, re:
    I know it goes agains all that is taught here, but rather than cutting people off, I decided to see if I can heal so much to ‘let them do what they feel like’ unless it is detrimental to me. I am learning still…

    I commend this if it can work for you. I think I could only do this about the odd guy i didnt have deep feelings for. I get the principle but I think I have a long way to go to trust my own boundaries. As I seem to go back and forth about whether i know the truth about whats gone wrong. So that makes it hard to know if I can let the guy be in my life in any way or I have to totally cut off for my own sanity. With him, I know that it is detrimental for me to see his fbk posts, it floored me on sat to see that song. And it caused me to wonder what was going on for him, which I’ll never truly know any more. So it is better for me not to see these things at all. He wanted us to just be friends, because his family cruisi was too chaotic and he was starting to feel really down and worried he would end up back in hospital himself. initially that was how he ended it, out of the blue, after afew days before saying he wanted me in his life, that he just needed some time to see if things settled. But then i received the best of we’re friends i cant be in a relationship at this time text. and my world shattered. He’s just d=shut down emotionally and i tried reaching out to him, trying to not put any pressure. But in the end it wasnt enough, it maybe made him pull away more. Its just so hard when someone is ill and negative, not to try and reach them and show you care. So i@v been split between my own needs for the right relationship and not wanting to totally cut off someone who is having a bad time. but it became clear he had no use for me as a confident, he would just msg afew words about what he was doing, not much else and it felt so cold to me. After what we had been together. In his last msg to me he said he wished with al his heart that i wd meet someone else, that i deserved someone. And lots of nice things about my looks, art etc. But the comment about someone else hammered it home that he never had me in his heart at all. That he had no plans for us to get back together in future (which i was hoping might happen when he recovered). So its just torture for me. I think i have to cut my losses and not see his name on fbk. I unfriended last night, and his firends too. I cant keep being dragged down like this. i know it is somehow my choices to do so, but my heart cant seem to let go fully. I want it o. i want to beleive fully that he was not the one for me. if he had been he wouldnt have let go of me, even though these things happened in his life. I know love cant cure depression, but i stupidly beleived that it wd be a helpt to have someone there just for you. that is what i would want for myself.
    I am too much of a pushover and usually go too much into giving support to them. Then realise I have overextended my self and sometimes realise i wasnt getting back what I thought i was getting back. I try and look at what he didnt give me, he didnt give me enough compliments, or plan special dates, i led too many of our plans. I created too much of us, i think i gave too much from the start. Again!!!
    I feel he is not the one for me, I feel sad for my heart that wants him to be the one, I feel sad for the part of me that wants my father to suddenly open up his emotional walls and love me. This is whats come up for me. trying to reach out an emotionally distant man.

    Monday, 2 July 2012 @ 4:26am

  498. 498: TamNo Gravatar says:

    ((((Goldenflower)))) – I do recommend you cut him off, and I would do the same in your position and have done the same.
    It hurts but it will be better, like you say. You are absolutely right.
    He might be back when he feels better in himself, you know?! I have made this experience with a depressed MrU, and I have learnt never to reach out again. When he was down (really down, business down etc), and I reached out, he also told me ‘find someone better, I can’t offer you anything bla bla’ and I was so hurt and gutted. BUT he didn’t want to be helped, he wanted to be the provider and as soon as he was in a position to do that, he was on my case. And when he saw I was dating someone else (which he had recommended lol), he was absolutely devastated. He literally RAN out of a bar where I was with my date. He sprinted out with two friends in tow, who looked completely and utterly confused, as they had just got there… ;)

    I do believe in what is meant to be is meant to be and the cutting contact is soooo necessary to move on. I did it too and moved on. I don’t think of him as a romantic suitor anymore, having said that if he could offer me the relationship I want I would always take him back. Alas, he cannot.
    It does get easier and there are lots of men who do want to offer us what we desire….

    Monday, 2 July 2012 @ 4:37am

  499. 499: TamNo Gravatar says:

    and yes, I also have an emotionally unavailable father…OMG, those spooky coincidences.

    I try to put a positive spin on mistakenly reaching out to an unavailable man. It is because we know they are not ‘bad people’, we can see behind the front and the seemingly cold heart. They have feelings too and we believe in the good in them and they have plenty of good in them.

    However, it is up to them to prove that they can be ‘available’, and that they can change. We can’t fix them and sometimes it is just easier to accept a man who has already done this work for himself, or already came equipped with an open heart to begin with. Nobody is perfect but it shouldn’t be this hard.

    xxx

    Monday, 2 July 2012 @ 4:41am

  500. 500: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    (((((((Goldenflower)))))))))))). Don’t beat yourself up. Alcohol was involved so you can think of it as coming from your stranger. Showing you a pattern that you might not have noticed before. Also telling you your awareness is piqued. Next time you will be more empowered to stop yourself. You will have this feeling memory and stronger willpower to choose to create better feeling states.

    Monday, 2 July 2012 @ 4:51am

  501. 501: GoldenflowerNo Gravatar says:

    499: Femininewoman . Thankyou so much.
    yes, maybe that can help.
    I am feeling regret that i just poured it all out and it feels like it wasnt dignified. But then if I didnt say all that was on my mind I suspect it would come out again at some point. I didnt blame too much, one or two blames I’m afraid, but mainly talked about me, and why i felt hurt in extreme detail. oh god.
    If I hadnt already pushed him away thats sure to have done it now. But i dont see any way not to. the other option would have been to send a restrained calm little message explaining why i cdnt be on fbk any more.
    More self respect maybe, but all the pain would still lie there unexpressed. The fact he went offline so soon, without waiting for my reply just triggered me so much. I thought he might be relieved to get a chance to talk, since I initiated NC and he had suggested being friends at the start of all this.
    But i guess he’s not into me being there full stop.
    I need to get my self esteem back. I cant quite beleive how suddenly I was dropped. No apparent warning.
    I was doing so well with NC but then seeing his post, then feeling lonely again that night. Triggers all. In a way it is good that he responded cold to me, maybe it would be far worse if he was all warm but still not willing to try again.
    I have to let go of him.
    I will find guys that want to give to me. I will. If others can do it then why not I.
    Just spamming now i think.
    Re 498: Tam
    “However, it is up to them to prove that they can be ‘available’, and that they can change. We can’t fix them and sometimes it is just easier to accept a man who has already done this work for himself, or already came equipped with an open heart to begin with. Nobody is perfect but it shouldn’t be this hard.”

    Yes , thank god for this. Tam you are right.
    It shouldnt be this hard, and i will accept what is black and white. he is in no way waiting for me, pursuing me, missing me (as far as I have seen). This man is unavailable to me. its clear, i must stop chasing him, cahsing the memory of him, the ideal of him, the potential of us, all of this does not exist! Wake up me!! II chase from the beginning, then i keep chasing till theres nothing left to chase. Good grief, I am chasing nothing. Good to see this is the case.
    OK, back to my higher self, am doing healing Reiki couse in two weeks, on the counselling list for support with the Dad issues. I have plans for making a new artwork series, that i have put on hold for this guy too long. I can and will CD again soon. Thats not so bad a life is it. ((((me))))
    Phew, think I got it all out there. Thankyou from my heart sriens, all of you. xx

    Monday, 2 July 2012 @ 6:44am

  502. 502: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Goldenflower ground yourself with

    I am sorry
    Please forgive me
    Thank you
    I love you

    Monday, 2 July 2012 @ 6:49am

  503. 503: AmyNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Ladies! I have a question: How do you tell the man you are living with that you are going to start looking for a place of your own without him getting defensive and shutting down? I don’t necessary want to move out, but I already told him that I told want to be at this same stalled place we are in this time next year (meaning Jan), I want to be married (we have been together 7 yrs), but I at the same time I know pressuring him won’t help. I am just going crazy and I think if I can start seeing places I won’t feel so trapped. Does this make sense? Any suggestions? Thanks :)

    Monday, 2 July 2012 @ 7:03am

  504. 504: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Amy it makes a lot of sense.

    “him getting defensive and shutting down?” You can’t if that is his pattern. He chooses his own states and you should allow him to choose for himself. I would go ahead and tell him I need to be married to feel really happy.

    Monday, 2 July 2012 @ 7:09am

  505. 505: GoldenflowerNo Gravatar says:

    502: Amy
    Hi Amy, this sounds like a good idea to me. It reminds me of Rori’s story of her treating her then bf like a roomate and making a plan to get her what she wanted no matter if it included him or not. I think this is absolutely the way to go, but you have to be prepared to go through with moving out for it not to feel like an ultimatum. And you can also CD if you feel that he is stalled on the committment front. Again i think the key is to not do it as revenge or a threat but as a way of connecting to your own bridge and going for what you want from your life.
    ps new thread is up.
    We’ve started posting on that.

    Monday, 2 July 2012 @ 7:13am

  506. 506: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Aw, Goldenflower….. (((((Goldenflower))))
    It so so resonates, I have been there, I feel your pain…….urrgh….it’s almost opening old wounds for me that I thought were long scarred over.

    Maybe that stuff you said just had to come out, you were true to yourself, alcohol induced or not.
    It is nothing to be ashamed of.
    The right man will thing no less of you, the wrong man doesn’t matter. He doesn’t matter. You matter.

    Can you block him on fb? I did that for a while and now I have been very good not to look at him or our common friends’ pages…unless something shows up on my wall and that is more than enough. It is very triggering. I am waiting to see something alluding to him dating someone, or pics with girls etc – and then I can finally see if I am healed or whether I have to keep ‘blocking’. We will see.

    The jury is out. Love just is, no point in fighting it. I am not fighting it anymore but I am trying to gather it up and pour it over me instead :)

    Monday, 2 July 2012 @ 7:17am

  507. 507: EsteemedNo Gravatar says:

    There’s a new thread up!

    Monday, 2 July 2012 @ 7:30am

  508. 508: EsteemedNo Gravatar says:

    Amy,

    502 – I bet you would feel keenly interested to hear Rori’s story of her own marriage on Commitment Blueprint. Very similar.

    Monday, 2 July 2012 @ 7:36am

  509. 509: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    I was resistent to going on a little business trip of D’s yesterday.
    I decided to go with the flow and just go. The 1 hour drive to the country with the car top down would feel good.
    At the end of the day, I was so glad I did :)

    He went to fix something at a historical farmhouse he restored.
    We absolutely loooove this house and I feel ‘at home’ in it.
    This house is owned by D’s sister’s ex.

    He was there with his new gf, his brother and new gf also.

    While the men where going around inside the house fixing things, us 3 women were outside talking.
    It was a bit awkward at 1st as this man was with D’s sister for 2 years.
    But I just relaxed and opened up to these 2 women.
    What great sirens!

    In a matter of 2 hours, we had talked about relationship experiences and how we’ve all grown from them.
    They both shared how they learned to follow their hearts after so many years.
    I could see the level of maturity in these women.
    They knew themselves very well and were open to sharing and listening.
    I leaned back, relaxed and listened more than I shared.
    I was sad that he had broken up with D’s sister, but I could see how the big picture was different with this new woman.
    She doesn’t mind the minor inconvenient tradeoffs to have the overall life she wants.
    Whereas these minor tradeoffs were huge for D’s sister.
    All 3 people are marvelous, but I clearly saw the matches and mismatches.
    How 1 woman is comfortable with something while the other finds it impossible, with the same man.
    How D’s sister feels trapped, she has to fight and protect her indepence with 1 man, but doesn’t feel that way with another.

    Basically, what I saw was how all these people have different needs depending on their level of self accomplishments and where they were at in their evolution.
    How 1 woman already feels whole and accomplished while the other is still searching for that.
    How 1 man will allow for that self growth in her, while another would try to force it.
    The 1st man leaves her feeling free, while the other leaves her feeling stifled.

    It was an eyeopening experience just being with all these people, listening, observing and learning the lessons for myself.
    I also learned, that when I let my protective defensive walls down and just ‘be’ with people, I open myself up to tremendous learning opportunities.

    Monday, 2 July 2012 @ 7:53am

  510. 510: siren songNo Gravatar says:

    Letting guy who loves me go more every day. I have been trying to keep my heart open to other guys. Went out with 4 guys last night for canada day. One i’ve known for 6 years. We’ve had a long flirtation. It felt so nice to see him again. He sent me some flirty texts through the night. Felt fun.

    Then ano old cd popped up on the street (back from when i first started cding with guy who loves me). He hugged me twice then texted me until 2am.

    I feel like such a siren!

    Monday, 2 July 2012 @ 11:00am

  511. 511: siren songNo Gravatar says:

    Day 18 leaning back/no inititating contact.

    Monday, 2 July 2012 @ 11:02am

  512. 512: siren songNo Gravatar says:

    Amy,

    A woman i work with started looking for a place of her own when her boyfriend wasn’t moving things forward. She was actually going to get a place with a male friend. They’d been together for a year and weren’t living together. But she just went for it, started looking at houses, and found one. She put an offer in and her boyfriend called her that night and said ‘this isn’t the time for you to be buying a place with a friend’ and came on board. He asked her to marry him about 4 months later and she’s pregnant now, due in sept!

    She was one of the first women i saw really stick on her bridge. I see examples all the time now, but she was the first one i saw up close.

    Monday, 2 July 2012 @ 11:08am

  513. 513: Rori RayeNo Gravatar says:

    Tereana – Thank you so much for this story! I remember in my life when weird stuff would happen. I have no answer for you about the “why” of this…only that you handled it terrifically – and this is when you have to agree with yourself to keep your heart open 100% of the time, no matter what. I almost feel we find ourselves in “test” situations where some of our old selves are trying to scare us into going backwards and “protecting” ourselves….and we just have to keep saying to all the parts of ourselves”I’m an adventurer, a discoverer of me, and keeping myself defenseless and open is the way to go….so let’s all stay together here, and we will all be safe together, because I am a safe place.” Love, Rori

    Monday, 2 July 2012 @ 2:19pm

  514. 514: LoveAlwaysNo Gravatar says:

    Wow! As strong as I feel, and as positive as I feel, I could not have that “where is this relationship going” talk with any man. Talk about a trigger – this article was a good thing for me to read :)

    Monday, 2 July 2012 @ 2:41pm

  515. 515: TereanaNo Gravatar says:

    Emily/Lovely – what a cool story! So happy it worked for you! We are the same age, and I’m not sure if it is going to happen for me, also. I know it will, I just don’t know when. Thank you for sharing!

    Monday, 2 July 2012 @ 11:25pm

  516. 516: TereanaNo Gravatar says:

    Starla – I know it’s weird, but I do the same thing you said you do with other girls, thinking CF “might date them.” for me, I sometimes set my guy up on my mind with another woman, or even a friend. I don’t really know what that’s about. I don’t feel “jealous” of them. I just have this underlying belief, I guess, that he’s not “supposed” to be with me…

    Oh, and Sherry Argov is great. I LOVE “why men love b*tches.” I’m sure the other book is awesome! She’s hilarious – I guarantee it will be a totally different read from other experts/etc. well worth it :-)

    (and no, nobody paid me to say that : )

    Monday, 2 July 2012 @ 11:30pm

  517. 517: LisaNo Gravatar says:

    My story is almost identical to Feeling Vulnerable. The long distance relationship was not quite as long but definitely as impactful from the crazy chemistry to the unexplicable and abrupt heart shattering ending. Im eager to know how she is doing now?? Did he ever contact her, how is her heart healing, etc…

    Sunday, 26 August 2012 @ 10:32pm

« Back to Home