It doesn’t even need to INCLUDE “dating.”
Circular Dating is a therapeutic tool for interacting with men out in the world and using my tools.
That can look like an encounter with the butcher at the market. A short conversation with a man at Starbucks. Or an actual date.
It’s about learning to open your heart, feel steady when your heart is open, trust yourself and stay sane.
Targeting Mr. Right – my program on Circular Dating – explores ALL possibilities of CDing – from conversations at work to actual dates.
The thing is this: Some women are just naturally “cool.”
They can tolerate “limbo.”
They somehow know, deep inside, that a man is going to come through, and they can “wait him out” peacefully.
Most of us, however – are NOT like that.
Being naturally “cool” is unusual.
A naturally cool woman likely NEVER has a problem with relationships at all!
So – we’re now about: How do you stay “cool” when you’re in “limbo” – and yet EXCLUSIVELY committed to a man who is trying to make a decision if you’re the right one for him?
And that’s what we’re doing here:
Working at feeling so good that we can be cool – no matter what.
But – what if you can’t?
What if you’re not there? What if waiting a man out feels like torture and you start to get weird and insecure and scared? No matter HOW lovely he is?
That’s where Circular Dating can save you. You just have to know how to do it so you’re not wrecking your relationship.
If you’re “holding your tongue,” and not asking the guy every few minutes whether he wants to marry you, or if he’s in love with you – even though you WANT to – where do you go with those feelings?
Yes, you can go to your girlfriends. You can go to therapy. You can find hobbies and get involved in other things that make you feel good and like you’re contributing to the world.
Or – you can do what I did and go to another city for the weekend to sit and think and walk around.
You can go out with your girlfriends and sing karaoke in a bar where there are tons of men and talk to them – without dating them.
You can go to an art class where there are 10 men drawing the nude model…and you can talk to them.
There are a bunch of ways to use Circular Dating.
You can go out for coffee with people you meet at a lecture.
Where Does Trust Figure In, Here?
In an act of trust and commitment, I allowed my husband/then boyfriend to move in with me. Not a smart move necessarily, but it worked out in the end.
Trust happens all throughout the day. Different men have different levels of trust available to them. They are also different in the levels of “danger” they’re attracted to.
My husband told me this last night: “I think every man is looking for his dream girl.”
And that, to me is the closest assessment of all this: He’s looking for his dream girl.
The question is ALWAYS – am I “her”?
And if he doesn’t know – then what exactly are you supposed to do?
I know several couples with blissfully happy relationships who are NOT married because “marriage” is too traumatic a concept for those men. And yet – they are some of the best relationships I know about in terms of emotional content.
The assumption here is that WE, as women, are also looking for OUR dream man!
Is that true?
Are we assessing our willingness to commit forever to a man?
Lots of questions to ask. Of men, of ourselves.
And, for me, Circular Dating is the way to get clarity on all those questions.
Intimacy is a terrifying thing for most of us. It’s a condition where we get closer emotionally to another person than we’re used to – and closer than we think we can bear.
It takes bravery and practice to go outside our comfort zones.
And I know this for sure: If we women cave into our fears and insecurities and start demanding a level of intimacy a man is not ready to handle – we lose.
If, instead, we work on our OWN fear of intimacy, open our hearts to allow a man in, with as much warmth as possible whenever he DOES venture in close – and use Circular Dating to stay sane and centered and self-appreciative while the process is unfolding – we have a huge chance of having what we truly want with a man.