I’d like your help.
I am seeing 3 guys now. one a bit more, he is also the one I like most and who makes the most efforts. thankfully
I am still not really getting past my feelings for the guy at work though.
he has been a bit more in touch. we had a night out with work girls only. but he joined around 2am.. it was weird. he got in touch with me to join. and then he ended up speaking office politics to one woman almost the rest of the night. it annoyed me because we had fun as a group and he came and took one away and brought office talk along. he’s not interested in her so its not about that. but I don’t get why he gets in touch with me to then spend an evening with someone else and especially bring such a stupid topic to a fun evening! he was overly sharing things about his teammates, too. and I got worried he might share things I had told him.
I also felt weird about how he would quiet his voice a few times when I came back from the loo. like he was whispering to her and didn’t want me to hear. it’s fine, I don’t want to know his office stuff. but it was rude and it just showed me how far we’ve come from once having a really strong connection! so I decided to send him an email, particularly to make sure he keeps my stuff to himself and also let him know how I felt about the whispering.
you’re going to tell me that was a mistake, I know…
In the end it was a chain of emails followed by a chain of texts. I’d like you to read the email conversation below (first one is at the bottom). what do I do about him wanting to be ‘friends’. I am not even sure I believe him. but I feel like I’ve lost the plot again
At one point I asked him if he has ruled out that we ever have something going between each other and he didn’t want to answer. he wondered why it matters and that one never knows. I said I’ll just assume that the answer is yes, then. and he said ‘good’. was that the answer?
He asked me to grab dinner that evening but I had plans. and the Friday after, he also asked me out again. I had plans again. I don’t get this sudden change to ‘friendship mode’ asking me to join him or if he can join me and my friends. it’s fine, but its weird that he had to announce it and that its so sudden…Ellen”
Ellen – Here’s my advice straight:
Completely cut off all interest in this man.
Don’t go near him, don’t write him, don’t THINK about him!, don’t respond to him, don’t talk to him at parties, don’t go near him and listen to his conversations at meetings and parties – NOTHING!!!!!
Just be civil – do NOT shut down, just smile and be civil. He is USELESS to you!!!!
Your body and mind need to completely detox from him!!!!
NO – you should NOT be friends!!!!
Do not go anywhere or do ANYTHING with him. Nothing!
Do what you’re doing with these other men.
This is how you’ll get what you want.
This man at work is a total distraction. He’s like “poison” to your system.
Your instinct to CHASE just kicks in around him. Please, please don’t go back there. Just do not give him ANY energy.
Am I chasing him?
Yes, you are chasing him.
You don’t need to. There are so many great men who’re interested in you because you ROCK!!! Love, Rori
Rori, this is good advice but a bit tricky to execute. he writes me every day. I don’t know how to respond. When he sends me a chat, I just don’t reply? Or press the ignore button? Or do you mean just be nice and answer his questions nicely? Today he asked me why I’m not talking to him. I am not really getting this right.
You’re not talking to him because: he’s stringing you along, because he’s playing with your heart, because he hasn’t the slightest idea – he’s utterly clueless -what it feels like on your end of this.
He thinks it feels okay to be friends, because it feels okay to HIM. He doesn’t get what you’re feeling.
Be nice – say…
“I like you very much, I would like to be your friend, and I don’t feel able to do that in my heart because I have romantic feelings for you and want more than friendship. It hurts every time I’m near you. I want to have a good working relationship. I can’t answer your emails anymore, unless they’re about work.
I guess it’s a girl thing, and I can understand why it’s hard for a man to understand. You’re great, and I wish you were mine, and that’s not in the cards, and so, I’m so sorry, and friendship is out of the question right now. Co-workers is all I can handle.”