Just wanted to check in with you. So last night we had a very good night for the most part. But a lot of it I have to attribute to where I am right now. I feel more centered and strong.
I have also started doing yoga again more regularly and just taking care of ME more. I know I have a looong way to go to get to where I want to be, but I am working on it.
I am finding the leaning back tool to be very very helpful. We met after my yoga class at my favorite sushi restaurant and sat at the bar. It was so nice to just sit next to him and talk and enjoy. But there were a many times when I felt myself trying to lean in, to lead, to do, to fill the spaces. I wanted to see what would happen if I didn’t initiate and it worked like magic.
He was literally leaning in, draping himself on my, taking my hand, hugging me BUT even better being so connected with his communication.
We have never had a problem with our physical life, but I can say that even there I feel a huge change – that I did not even know was missing.
We are just more connected. At least, I feel much more connected. Maybe a lot of this comes from me. What I project on to him and the situation. I don’t know.
We did have one tense moment(which I will write you about tomorrow…too tired for details tonight) but even then I practiced using feeling messages and altering my body stance.
Side note on body stances: What amazes me is that the most challenging for me is the body stances!!! When I read about you talking about dance position or holding your hands out I have to say I always thought to myself, “oh well I do that anyways….that’s easy!”
I thought the feeling messages and the rules(which are still nearly impossible for me) would be the hardest. But the open body positions are so challenging!
When I get defensive or hurt, I tense up, I clutch my face, my mouth, my arms come right over my chest and if I am in bed I am usually sitting up clenching a pillow.
Trying to release and be open when I am frustrated or upset is so HARD because I feel so exposed and vulnerable. I thought as an artist it would be easy for me to do this! After all I am used to trying to access those emotions and show them.
But in fact with him (and come to think of it maybe in all relationships) it is very difficult for me to do when I am feeling hurt or upset.
I was so aware of it yesterday and I tried to breathe and open up, literally starting with my clenched hands and the results were almost immediate.
He softened and reached out towards me immediately. It was amazing.
Thank you, Cami