The Art Of Letting Go In Relationships

Another great guest post from my best friend and amazing relationship coach, Virginia Clark at

by Virginia Clark

“We need in love to practice only this: letting each other go. For holding on comes easily, we do not need to learn it.” – Rainer Maria Rilke

This quote isn’t about letting go of a relationship that’s not working, it’s about letting go of your attachment to a man that’s unhealthy and ultimately destructive to love.

You learned to form this kind of attachment when you were young — and part of becoming a mature woman is growing out of it.

Do you remember how you “loved” when you were a teenager? I do. I had “crushes” on boys and spent hours daydreaming about them. I not only longed for boys I saw at school, but I also became obsessed imagining myself with various young actors and singers.

I recognize this now and smile to myself when I see my friend’s daughters so enthralled with a teenage heartthrob like Justin Beiber. I was at the bookstore yesterday and a girl, maybe 13 yrs. old, was begging her mother to buy her a book on the 17 yr. old singer’s life. She pleaded with her mom saying, “I promise you I’ll read it every day!”

I didn’t think her mother would give in to her pleading, as much as she wants her daughter to read. I was right. As they walked away the girl was distraught and burst into tears. Her passion for this young man who she had never met overwhelming her.

As you get older, you may find that you form attachments to men that feel much the same way, I know I did for many years. If you haven’t grown out of this phase, you will find yourself becoming overly involved around men and losing your sense of self.

You will look to him for validation and feel devastated if he doesn’t reciprocate your feelings. When a man shows interest in you, rather than letting go and seeing what happens, you’ll feel as though you have to hold on to him as if your life depended upon it.

For years I tried to hide my neediness and act like I didn’t care around a man and be “cool.” But inside I always felt desperate as if I might lose him at anytime. I thought about him continually and watched every move he made so I wouldn’t miss any signal he might be giving me.

I felt just like I did in high school when I had a crush…obsessed.

But men are not stupid, they can tell when you’re hiding your neediness; when you feel insecure

If your tendency is to hold on too tightly, it’s time to practice letting go

I had to work on my self-esteem so I could learn how to love like an adult and not a teenager. I had to learn that holding on is useless and comes from need rather than love.


Virginia Clark

Relationship Coach and Author


“There is no remedy for love but to love more.”

~Henry David Thoreau

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1,183 Comments to “The Art Of Letting Go In Relationships”

  1. 1: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:


    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 6:52am

  2. 2: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:


    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 7:11am

  3. 3: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    “But men are not stupid, they can tell when you’re hiding your neediness; when you feel insecure

    If your tendency is to hold on too tightly, it’s time to practice letting go

    I had to work on my self-esteem so I could learn how to love like an adult and not a teenager. I had to learn that holding on is useless and comes from need rather than love.”

    Ah but how Virginia? How to do this?

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 7:13am

  4. 4: SassyNo Gravatar says:

    Ohhhh boy, does this bump up against my poor little needy heart and brain…ugh
    Trying to learn better ways, maturity, feeling better and stronger about myself and recognizing what I need to make me feel that I can let to and let him do what he’s gonna do, because he will anyway!!!

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 7:13am

  5. 5: MercedesNo Gravatar says:

    FW: Yes!!!!


    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 7:13am

  6. 6: TamNo Gravatar says:

    I want happy, happy, happy in my life!!
    I feel somewhat deluded…but happily deluded 😉

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 7:14am

  7. 7: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    I just finished reading EMK’s book about Why He Disappears and he says the same thing about his wife, she was the “cool” girl.

    HTH do you get to be the cool girl if you have a crush on one CD? I know Rori says treat them all the same, but it is SOOOOOOO bloody hard to do that…..arrrghhhhhhh

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 7:18am

  8. 8: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    I took nice care of myself last night:) I went to the gym and did 3 miles and then I practiced belly dance for an hour. Then I cooked myself some broccoli and did some beauty rituals.

    Love to me!

    Then this morning I woke up and took some time to relax in bed and put on a cute dress and boots for the snow today and did my hair.

    No makeup today. Didn’t feel like it.

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 7:23am

  9. 9: TamNo Gravatar says:

    SMB for me it is like this, for sure I have favourites but I treat them all the same as in I lean back and let them come to me.
    Even if I feel better about one contacting me than another, I just try to see it lightheartedly and not get too quickly into anything and so far this has worked well.
    But then, I am not really interested in any of my CD’s, and don’t have a real intellectual or physical stimulation with any of them. That certainly helps but also makes it more like a chore.
    Oh well, all practice.

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 7:23am

  10. 10: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:


    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 7:27am

  11. 11: MercedesNo Gravatar says:

    Letting go of someone you love can be the hardest thing ever!

    This post is a little upsetting to me though…I’m working on a post about letting go for my blog (comparing men to cigarettes…lol). Dominique just did a fantastic one and now Rori’s blog! It must be the topic of the day! haha! Maybe I should save mine for another time. :-) Grrrr! I was too slow…and just when I started thinking I would get back into the blogging thing again more consistently. Oh well.

    I did ask this on the other post but not sure people will still read that one with a new one up:

    Has anyone here ever entered the National Writing Month challenge? Looking for tips and tricks. lol It really makes me nervous to think about trying…I don’t like to fail…

    Much Love,

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 7:30am

  12. 12: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    #9 Tam

    Thank you, of course I get all this intellectually, it’s the bloody raging hormones that kick in when a hottie contacts me. Arrgghhhhhhhhhh

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 7:31am

  13. 13: TamNo Gravatar says:

    SMB…well, be grateful that you have a hottie…just saying.. :)

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 7:34am

  14. 14: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    YES! Snow! usually starts dumping this time of year. I love/hate it.

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 7:36am

  15. 15: MercedesNo Gravatar says:

    ewwww…I’m not a fan of snow…

    It looks pretty in pictures though. And I wouldn’t mind it if it never got cold, there was no ice, no wind and it only snowed on grass and rooftops. :-)

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 7:41am

  16. 16: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Wow Starla. I have mixed feelings about the snow. I am actually hoping not to have any here.

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 7:42am

  17. 17: OlympiaNo Gravatar says:

    (((hugs to SM, Sassy, Tam)))

    (((hugs to the needy teenage girl in me that just wants to be loved)))

    Mercedes…I feel afraid of failing too, but part of the purpose of NaNoWriMo (or NaBloWriMo, etc.) is to let go of the fear of failing, and just write! 😀

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 7:45am

  18. 18: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    I got an article written by Allana Pratt about Decluttering and Letting go of the Past


    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 7:49am

  19. 19: TamNo Gravatar says:

    I have no plans for the weekend….urgh, I feel sad about that. It’s the pre-Halloween weekend and we always used to do stuff here…where is everybody?
    I feel bored about staying in all weekend…

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 7:55am

  20. 20: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    I always think about bloom-ing when it snows cuz she lives in the mountain wilderness, hehe. drive safe, mountain sirens!

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 7:55am

  21. 21: MercedesNo Gravatar says:

    Olympia: Have you done it? Did you finish? I write all the time, but not like that and not with an “end date” so I think I could do it but…I also tend to sort of stop in the middle of one thing and start up another. I don’t know.

    If you’ve done it, how much time did you devote per day/week, etc. Did you have the timing mapped out or did you just “wing” it. 1,166.67 words per day….eek! Did you write every day or some days more words that other days…hmmm….

    I’m a very analytical person. lol I can’t really get my head around how to do this without a plan and I can’t get my head around a plan. haha!

    And after this, I will ask my questions on that site rather than hijack RR’s blog for my own little (potential) goal here. haha!

    Much Love,

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 7:59am

  22. 22: OlympiaNo Gravatar says:

    Tam, is there are bar or a club doing a Halloween party near you that you would feel comfortable dressing up and going to?

    I like to hear about what people are going to be for Halloween! What costume would you wear if you went out?

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 7:59am

  23. 23: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Olympia, well not really as I also don’t have a car right now, and it feels uncomfortable for me to go out at night alone in the city with taxis and also dressed up….don’t know…and I don’t have a costume and would just go normal this year….

    I intend to go out in the daytime and just do some fun activities, just that I do not like to sit alone at home on the weekend evenings, oh well.
    It will be ok, just a little boring.

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 8:08am

  24. 24: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    Hmm what is a tool that can help us do what virginia suggests?

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 8:09am

  25. 25: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    I have been feeling a block like I’m frozen and nothing is moving forward. I need to shift but it’s not happening

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 8:10am

  26. 26: FrancescaNo Gravatar says:

    Letting go…exactly what I am doing this week.

    And it’s not that hard, really.

    I feel comfortable letting go.

    I keep busy and take care of myself.

    I educate myself, watch all sorts of videos and read stuff from Rori and other people.

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 8:13am

  27. 27: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Yep, letting go is, when one gets the hang of it, actually a pretty cool concept.
    It feels freeing.
    Like ‘whatever happens, I will be totally ok’
    It’s a bit like accepting the changes in life and the fact that there is nothing we can do to stop change and just accept it…
    Letting go feels a little painful and at the same time so good and comfy. Yeah!!

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 8:20am

  28. 28: OlympiaNo Gravatar says:

    Emerson, I found it really helpful a couple weeks ago when I was feeling particularly needy to go through the tools in the “power & self-esteem” section of the blog. I felt empowered by writing out a list of all the things that I wanted that had nothing to do with a man, and then all the little action steps that it takes to get there. Knowing that I had so many things I could turn to, instead of putting my masculine energy to him was so helpful. I carry the list around in my bag, so when I start getting itchy to call, or plan something to do with him, or obsess over him, it helps refocus my thoughts into something productive that makes me be even more who I want to be!

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 8:22am

  29. 29: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    I feel irritated by this post…
    I want to go all Boy Energy and be like – Thanks for the tip Sherlock.
    You can’t Will yourself to let go!
    Oooh I feel Grouchy.

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 8:26am

  30. 30: FrancescaNo Gravatar says:


    How about doing or planning to do things that you enjoy?

    I like:

    Watching my fave shows on the internet
    Watching videos on YouTube
    Doing my nails
    Singing silly songs that I sometimes make up
    Practicing my driving skills with a friend
    Watching Rori’s Commitment Blueprint and taking lots and lots of notes
    Working out

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 8:29am

  31. 31: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    I don’t know how to keep up with all my responsibilities and still cd

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 8:43am

  32. 32: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    i feel good knowing that whatever happens, happens.

    i feel kind of light today.

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 8:44am

  33. 33: OlympiaNo Gravatar says:


    ooh, I feel uncomfortable just thinking about being in a taxi in a costume by myself! It is too bad there is nothing nearby in your neighborhood!

    Being in Florida during the day sounds so nice though, maybe you will be surprised by then what comes up for the weekend nights!

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 8:44am

  34. 34: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Emerson – Rori does have a tool about imagining leaning back and opening up your palms and think of letting a man or something go.

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 8:44am

  35. 35: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you Francesca and Olympia !!! I feel touched by your replies! Great idea … I love lists :-)

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 8:46am

  36. 36: BelleNo Gravatar says:

    Emerson and SM –
    What worked for me is to just tell the truth all of the time as much as possible, even if only to myself.

    I say I’m feeling needy and insecure when I do, out loud, in front of people.
    The world doesn’t stop spinning, the ceiling doesn’t come crashing down.
    Also, saying I respect his need to be free and not committed, and watching him walk away from me…then staying with myself and NOT abandoning myself and noticing that I lived through it..
    did amazing magical wonders for my self-esteem.

    Slowly but surely I’ve been letting go of the toxic guy I’ve been attached to by being honest, especially about how I feel and what I want.

    I work with him! And today I will ask my supervisor to help me find another job – no matter what he says or does, the simple act of asking will raise my self-esteem.

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 8:46am

  37. 37: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    I like the skydiver visualization…. i can’t remember if daria or rori came up with it but it’s a fabulous tool!

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 8:49am

  38. 38: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    The Way To Keep A Man Is To Let Go Of Him
    All this is completely different from letting HIM go! Letting go of a man is really all about letting YOURSELF go.

    Think of it this way: You are letting go without even considering what HE’S doing. You are refusing to hold on to anything about this man.

    Yes – this is going to feel almost completely the opposite of everything you’ve been taught and told. But I know if you try it you’ll feel better, and you’ll get so much better results with a man.

    So, let’s get started with the HOW TO of this – let’s start with a short list of what holding ONTO a man looks like:

    You think about him, even when you’re doing something or are somewhere where there are other things to look at and think about
    You go from thinking about him to wanting him – like you would a glorious piece of chocolate fudge brownie
    You analyze every move he makes and everything he says, and every move you make and everything you say
    You initiate contact – calling him, leaning in for a kiss, hugging him, sending emails, texts, cards…
    You worry about everything you do and say and everything that happens out of fear it will push him away
    There are a bunch more – very subtle things, too – but for now take a look and see if you’re doing any of this.

    Spend today noticing if you’re doing any of the things on this list – just notice, and make a list of what you notice, when you notice it, what’s happening. See if you can find a pattern and write that down, too.

    Next, we’ll work with how to get out of this awful pattern…

    The truth is, when we’re holding onto a man, it’s we who are stopped cold. It’s like he’s dragging us along wherever he goes.

    We’ll follow him even into the pits, because that’s what we’ve all been trained and taught to do our whole lives.

    So it’s not a matter of watching him go off somewhere when he withdraws. It’s not about LETTING him go, it’s about letting go of something – anything – that’s “moving away” from you…

    …so you can go in your OWN direction!

    …so you can keep doing what you need to do to take care of yourself!

    And what happens when you do that? All of a sudden a man turns around and has to be with you! All of a sudden you completely lose that aura of clinginess and desperation…and you look CONFIDENT!

    And that changes everything.

    So, I Want You To:
    Imagine that at this moment, you’re holding onto a man – his shirt, his leg, his shoulders, his thoughts, his hair, his eyes.

    What does that feel like? Really imagine it (keep your eyes open!) in every sensual detail: what it feels like to feel your whole body locked into trying to hold onto him.

    Notice how your whole body is almost in “survival mode” trying to keep him from moving away. Notice how you’re trying to keep him doing what you want – almost as if he’s a doll, or a puppet that is not obeying you.

    Feel the confusion you feel – the total exasperation of NOT KNOWING why he’s moving away from you emotionally – and just wanting to DO ANYTHING to makes him stand still and LISTEN to you.
    Now, just open your hands. Let go. Now…
    Turn around.
    Focus on something else in front of you.

    Practice this Tool several times a day and especially when you’re feeling that desperate need to hold onto him.
    It has taken a long time to develop the habit of holding onto a man, and you need time to create a new pattern of learning to let him go. Once you do, you’ll find that it takes next to no effort on your part for a man to want to come closer and closer… to the point that the RIGHT man won’t ever let YOU go.

    Get Him To Want To Hold Tightly Onto YOU
    If you’d like some extra help sticking with your plan to get the commitment you want by staying on your very own BRIDGE to Happy Ever After, check out my Commitment Blueprint program.

    For now, every time you even think about a man who’s not right in front of you or on the phone with you, try the Tool I explained above. Just open your hands, turn around, and focus on something in front of you.

    And let me know what happens.

    Love, Rori

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 8:50am

  39. 39: BelleNo Gravatar says:

    OOOhhh…it’s making more sense to me now.
    By being more and more and more honest, and more certain of what I want and deserve, I’m less and less and less of a match for a toxic, shady man who isn’t honest and isn’t certain of what he wants.

    It becomes less and less attractive to me, it’s built in to the process, I don’t even really have to try to let go, it just happens as I continue to focus on me :)

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 8:51am

  40. 40: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    Feminiewoman – 16 – I second this. So far it’s been a very mild fall right on the heels of a very hot and humid summer (can I be more in love lol). I would feel ecstatic if the weather stayed just like this all the way until March or April. Yes please.


    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 8:57am

  41. 41: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    #36 Belle and #38 FW

    I haven’t even had a date with this CD yet!!! This is ridiculous and I haven’t felt like this about any man in a long time, a REALLY long time.

    Open my hands, let GO, turn around and turn my back and FOCUS on what is in front of me………

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 8:59am

  42. 42: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    Tam – 27 – “whatever happens, I will be totally ok” – love this, yes…


    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 9:00am

  43. 43: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    #37 Snowy Starla

    I haven’t heard of the skydiving tool??

    I LOVE the snow, especially when it has just fallen and is soft and white and all around the sounds are muffles and everything in the world is just so peaceful and quiet. 😀

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 9:01am

  44. 44: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:


    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 9:05am

  45. 45: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    From the previous thread, my attempts at FM’s to get men who message back and forth sometimes for weeks to meet for an actual DATE:

    “It would feel better to meet in person than messaging/texting as I am feeling burnt out.”

    “I feel better meeting in person rather than lots of texts.”

    “I feel texting can be fun, but I feel it’d be better to meet in person.”

    “I feel better to meet men than constantly text.”

    What do you think?

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 9:09am

  46. 46: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks fw
    I’m feeling preoccupied with the logistics of my life and not feeling like I have the luxury to just “be”

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 9:09am

  47. 47: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    I like the snow a lot more now that I have a warm car 😀

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 9:13am

  48. 48: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks belle
    Silver moon I like “it would feel good to meet in person. as Im feeling burned out on texting and email.”

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 9:14am

  49. 49: MissStixNo Gravatar says:

    The man got invited by roomie to go to the bar to meet some girls roomie knows, and he turned down the invite. I gave exactly zero input. He just decided it was something he didn’t want to do.

    ((((((((him))))))))) <3 I feel safe, and loved. I feel appreciation and admiration and respect.

    I feel appreciation for him telling me about it. I feel admiration of his choice. I feel respect for him making his own decisions. I feel loved to know, looking back to the night he said roomie went to the bar, he spent the evening text flirting with me. I feel safe thinking of all of this.

    I brought this over from the other thread because I believe it applies here. I have very little "hold" on the man. The only hold I have is that I know I chose a good one. I practice allowing him to love me and having zero control over what he does. I do everything I do, and say everything I say based on my own feelings and what's best for me. I may even take it "too" far sometimes. I know I have come across as willing to "give up" easy, or maybe even as far as to seem like i'm not totally invested. Sometimes I feel disconnected. I am feeling progress in that. Feeling more connected and knowing I don't have to feel attatched, to feel connected.

    Looking at this now…The beauty, to me, is when I have no hold on him, his decisions become choices for himself. Because he loves me, a: going to a bar to meet girls with roomie does not feel like a good choice to him. It is not what he wants to do. b: he does not feel any need to "rebel" against my control, and go anyways. c: Even if I did ask him not to go, and he honoured that, I would feel like he was just obeying and missing out on something he wanted to do.

    This means, to me, that he is being himself, and true to what he wants. It shows me his true character. I feel especially good because I don't have any question in my mind that he did what he wanted, and not because it is what I would have wanted.

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 9:15am

  50. 50: Simply GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Feels hard to just let go..
    Saying that we barely speak much or spend time together anymore..
    Yet he’s always on my mind..

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 9:15am

  51. 51: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    the skydiver tool is where you imagine that you’re a skydiver and he’s strapped to your back, and you pull the cord and he just flies off your back, like a big weight just flying right off, he zips off into the air, whoosh.

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 9:16am

  52. 52: Simply GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Why do I feel so silly replying to normal, civil texts with feeling messages.
    Than you, I feel appreciative – just doesn’t sound like me. So to me it sounds like a ‘fake me’.

    I replied “Thanks, must be doing something right if they’re letting them observe my lessons. Feels good”

    But its literally taken me all day to send that because I’m wary about what to say. Also still a bit angry about things so it seems strange being civil back.
    What is this.. ‘letting him get away with it’ feeling I get by being ok with him when I feel hurt about the things he’s said/done. Control issues? Unresolved issues?

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 9:19am

  53. 53: MelNo Gravatar says:


    “Texting can sometimes feel a little mysterious and intriguing at first, and I have enjoyed our conversations. But sometimes words on a screen make me feel a little antsy, impatient even… I’m just a girl… And I feel the kinetic energy building in my body, and I feel like I’m “paused” and I want to be on “play’. Meeting would feel exciting for me. It would feel good to visit and chat in person, to see how things feel. What do you think?”

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 9:19am

  54. 54: MissStixNo Gravatar says:


    I love snoemw! I get my pass for snowboarding this weekend wooooooot! :) I feel stoked!

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 9:23am

  55. 55: FrancescaNo Gravatar says:

    Ooooh I love the skydiver tool!

    So freeing! :)

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 9:24am

  56. 56: MissStixNo Gravatar says:

    lol @ snoemw 😉

    SNOW! I love snow…

    Got a little TOO excited there.

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 9:25am

  57. 57: MissStixNo Gravatar says:


    I preferr your actual response to the first one. If it feels inauthentic, chances are it will come across that way.

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 9:27am

  58. 58: MelNo Gravatar says:

    Miss Stix,

    I thought of you yesterday.

    I sometimes carpool with Mr A. When we take my car, I ask him to drive, because I feel happy to be the passenger.

    On the way home, he said “Oh Baby, looks like you’re a little low on gas. Want me to fill you up?”

    And my fiercely independent self resisted at first… “it’s okay, you don’t have to put gas in my car.” It felt weird… as if accepting gas meant I couldn’t take care of myself.

    He continued: “I know I don’t *have* to… but I want to.”

    Me: “Okay, I feel happy to accept your gas gift.”

    Him: “Good. You’re a funny one.”

    I feel like I’m getting better at accepting more romantic things… flowers, small gifts, etc. But I still need to work on receiving the more practical stuff. It DOES NOT mean I am any less independent.

    He offered to buy me winter boots… that felt weird too. I want them…. what is this resistance about?

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 9:29am

  59. 59: OlympiaNo Gravatar says:

    @53 Mel — so creative, I love it!

    @51 Starla — heehee, I feel the skydiver image more viscerally, even better than riding off on my horse, leaving my ex in the dust 😉

    (((Simply Goddess)))

    Yay Miss Stix!

    @21 – Mercedes, I have attempted it in the past, but it was always when I was in school, so it was too much with finals approaching. I am trying again this year, so let me know if you want a writing buddy!

    I feel ok with the idea of stopping and starting. What if you mapped out a plan to free write 1,500 words a day (so you would have some days as breaks built in), not trying to do polished blog posts, just free association. Then as you go along, you could highlight parts that are good and you’d have a lot of material for a bunch of blog posts all stocked up, how does that feel?

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 9:32am

  60. 60: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    SG I see it as training him to give more to me by reinforcing good behavior using appreciating.

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 9:35am

  61. 61: MelNo Gravatar says:

    I’m feeling a little insecure today. And it’s weird… it’s because he expressed his fear of losing ME.

    He said that he worries sometimes that all this “stuff” going on is too much for me. That I will want to get away from it all.

    And that has actually got ME feeling insecure… that somehow that means he will preemptively decide that he can’t do relationship anymore and say it’s because he doesn’t want to burden me.

    Strange how that’s a trigger for me. I don’t like people making decisions for me and saying it’s in my best interest. That’s happened a lot in my past…

    I want to release these insecure feelings.

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 9:35am

  62. 62: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Mel it sounds to me like making a commitment to allow as much love and positive energy as possible to flow through you would be in order.

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 9:37am

  63. 63: MercedesNo Gravatar says:

    Olympia: I’m doing the novel though…not the blog. Which means I have to average 1,666.67 words per day. I think I can do more words than that on some days but…sheesh! What about writer’s block?? LOL.

    Okay…you know what? I’m just going to do it. I’m going to let J know he’ll have to focus on video games for at least a couple of hours per night consistently and then (hopefully) I’ll get ahead of the game and we’ll be able to go out some nights too. haha! What do I have to lose? I have 6 days to come up with a plot, outline and a couple of main characters. EASY!!! (rolls eyes). I got this. I’ll be fun to see if I can dedicate myself to writing for 30 solid days anyway. :-)

    Thanks Olympia!

    Much Love,

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 9:37am

  64. 64: MissStixNo Gravatar says:

    Mel- :) Wooo I love to hear about being thought of!

    You know…I don’t know what it’s about, but I have felt it too. And I am discovering that the more I accept and receive, the easier and more authentic it feels. Just like FMs! I still feel resistant sometimes…It’s kind of strange, like even though he’s offering, I feel like i’m “asking too much”.

    So, to conquer it, I remind myself in my head “silly girl, you didn’t ask for anything!” and I force myself to think back to when I was a giver(before I knew it had negative effects). I remember how that felt…Good. Powerful. In charge. In control. Independant. Then I tell myself my man wants to feel this way. It feels good to him. Then it is easier to openly receive and really feel it.

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 9:38am

  65. 65: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Mel think of it as growing your self and expanding your capacity to receive each time you do.

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 9:38am

  66. 66: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    #48 Emerson

    Thank you. :)

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 9:39am

  67. 67: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    #51 Starla

    HA!! I love it. 😀

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 9:40am

  68. 68: MissStixNo Gravatar says:

    I also allow myself to feel excited about it. Even just writing it down: Yay! I received today and it felt good.

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 9:41am

  69. 69: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    #53 Mel

    Wow thank you though I’m not sure I would feel authentic with those words but you have given me something to play with.

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 9:42am

  70. 70: OlympiaNo Gravatar says:

    “I force myself to think back to when I was a giver(before I knew it had negative effects). I remember how that felt…Good. Powerful. In charge. In control. Independant. Then I tell myself my man wants to feel this way. It feels good to him. Then it is easier to openly receive and really feel it.”

    @64 I am saving this post!!!

    Words of wisdom!

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 9:42am

  71. 71: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Mercedes it seems you might have already unconsciously decided and accepted that you will have writer’s block.?

    Hope I am not putting words in your mouth. eeek

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 9:44am

  72. 72: Simply GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    I guess.. However now he hasn’t responded I feel a bit peeved..
    I hate text communication! With a passion.. I relate to what someone said in an earlier post. I feel on pause and anxious sometimes waiting for a reply.

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 9:52am

  73. 73: MercedesNo Gravatar says:

    SG: “Also still a bit angry about things so it seems strange being civil back.
    What is this.. ‘letting him get away with it’ feeling I get by being ok with him when I feel hurt about the things he’s said/done. ”

    I don’t think you should push down your feelings or pretend nothing happened when you are angry and hurt. I will let others here help with the feeling message part because I personally don’t think feeling messages are in order on this one. And, I wouldn’t be responding nicely to texts either. I think the things you have to say should be done in person and I think they should be “look him in the eye and show him how he made you feel” intense. But…that’s just me.

    If it were me, I would say no more conversation until you see him again (warn him though because you have been responding even after all those terrible things he said so just shutting off now would be confusing for him) and then, when you see him on Friday, blunt honesty.

    He stopped that pattern of trying to get at you because you leaned forward and sent him a fm text without telling him how you truly feel. Now, he’s being nice and you have not let your feelings go. You’re messages are basically pretending you don’t have those emotions so he basically knows he has you and all is better in your mind. He’ll be surprised that you are still hurt and angry because he’s back in control right now (or thinks he is since you haven’t told him about the negative feelings). But…it’ll give him some time to think about you and it’ll give him some time to miss you. No additional conversation between now and when he comes over on Friday….can he handle that? Can you?

    But…there’s also using feeling messages in text and on fb if that feels better to you. Someone else here can help you with what to say.

    Hope that helps a little.

    Much Love,

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 9:52am

  74. 74: MercedesNo Gravatar says:

    FW: LOL!!! It’s all good!

    No…I don’t already have it but I do know that when I try to write consistently, day after day, I get it. I’m trying to analyze how much of that I get, how long it lasts and how quickly it comes. Then I need to determine how many words I need to write on those “good days” to make up for it. haha! (logical, analytical, mathmatical, scientific….)

    Getting started will be easy and writing for a while (days??? a week???) will be easy. When that hard stop comes though (and it’s never NOT come)…well…what is my plan for making up for that? haha!

    Anyway, doesn’t matter. I can do this. The last 30,000 words might not actually be a part of the novel or even form sentences but…I’ll write them. :-)

    (or I’ll at least try really, really hard)

    Much Love,

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 9:57am

  75. 75: MercedesNo Gravatar says:

    “You’re messages are basically”

    REALLY? “You’re”??? I wrote that???

    LOL…okay…maybe a novel isn’t for me. I can’t even call that a typo. That’s just straight up WRONG. haha!

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 9:59am

  76. 76: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Mercedes I am believing that it will just flow
    I am believing you are a pro at writing
    What do you believe

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 10:00am

  77. 77: MelNo Gravatar says:

    Thankyou ladies!

    MissStix, that’s a great way to think of it… that I am allowing him to feel helpful, powerful, important. And you’re right, Im not asking for anything, so no need to feel bad.

    FW, it’s more of the thermostat isn’t it? 😉

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 10:03am

  78. 78: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    Can anyone help me to put together a ‘no friends’ speech, please?

    The bits I remember are “I have feelings for you beyond friendship…..”

    but then I can’t remember any more

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 10:04am

  79. 79: Goddess LilyNo Gravatar says:

    I like this skydiving tool. The ironic thing is that I just bought a groupon for skydiving yesterday.

    I went to a Halloween party last weekend as Chinese takeout. Waste of my cute costume though. Hardly anybody was there.

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 10:04am

  80. 80: MercedesNo Gravatar says:

    FW: I believe I am a pro at writing who gets writers block.


    I’m going to reframe that and believe what you believe.

    (at least for the month of November)

    Until I get there though…I’m going to start on an outline! :-)

    Thank you dear…for keeping me in the now!!

    Much Love,

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 10:05am

  81. 81: MelNo Gravatar says:

    Any thoughts on 61? I can’t quite figure myself out today… I feel it, but not sure why.

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 10:05am

  82. 82: MercedesNo Gravatar says:

    and for believing in me… :-)

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 10:05am

  83. 83: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    I like surprises

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 10:07am

  84. 84: MissStixNo Gravatar says:


    I do that too! rawr lol

    I know the difference between your, you’re, there, their, and they’re. Yet I STILL type it out wrong. Some mild form of dyslexia maybe? I think it’s some kind of short circuit between brain and hand maybe.

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 10:07am

  85. 85: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Ohhhh Very good Virginia. First time I’m impressed w a guest post.

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 10:10am

  86. 86: MercedesNo Gravatar says:

    MissStix: Yup. We call it PEBKAC.

    (problem exists between keyboard and chair). :-)

    I’m okay with those things when others do them (because I understand that not everybody knows and I have a lot of people in my family who really struggle with english, grammer and spelling so I have a lot of empathy) but when I do it…that drives me CRAZY!!!

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 10:11am

  87. 87: Simply GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    I completely agree Mercedes. Exactly what I was thinking but you articulate it so well.
    No more communication. It’s ok, now I’ve sent him a ‘civil’ message back he seems to back off again and doesn’t bother replying. As you said. Feel back in control. It’s probably only the same as when he’s panic texting me and I feel more ‘in control’ and have less of an urge to reply. Hmm.. Not healthy.
    It makes me wish I hadn’t replied at all after I had sent the ‘its over message’ yesterday. At least then I could have saved everything till Friday.

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 10:17am

  88. 88: MissStixNo Gravatar says:

    mel 61

    I see truth in where you see the insecurity feeling coming from. I also see him reaching out for some reassurance. Don’t get into an insecurity circle! eeek!

    Get a FM going and catch it now because when he has NVs and insecure feelings he will be honed in on your body language etc. Insecure vibes from you could spiral that down.

    I just thought of a good possible approach. If you feel authentic to do it, you could just start releasing random positive Relationship centered FMs.

    “I feel confident to walk through anything.”

    “I feel safe.”

    “I feel solid where I am right now.”

    “I feel happy and comfortable.”

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 10:18am

  89. 89: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    61 Mel I don’t see it as strange. I remember Rori saying to figure out what is your stuff and what is his and only work on your stuff. Remember emotions are contagious? Remember the amygdala? You have to choose not to go down that rabbit hole with him.

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 10:19am

  90. 90: Simply GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    I feel it myself ladies.
    I’m in education. I would probably get crucified if I was as dyslexic in class as I seem to be online sometimes.
    What with the sticky keys on my keyboard, the predictive text on my iphone and the fact I’m usually really emotional or angry when I’m sending these posts it doesn’t half kill me when I notice the mistakes. Hey ho.. No-ones marking it.. I hope. 😉

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 10:20am

  91. 91: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Oh ! I want to write a novel! This feels exciting! I want to be part of a group that always talks about it.. Is something like that on FB?

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 10:24am

  92. 92: MissStixNo Gravatar says:

    I am practicing the rori guidelines but I can see where I need improvement.

    I can rephrase to articulate the approach I would make as an example of a possible positive solution.

    In doing this I would support the comfort and freedom of everyones individual approach.

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 10:25am

  93. 93: TamNo Gravatar says:

    no friends speech for April-Rose anyone?
    I would help, but my brain is a little tired ..sorry

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 10:27am

  94. 94: MissStixNo Gravatar says:


    I am only grading my own paper, so no worries here.

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 10:27am

  95. 95: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    Mel 61,

    Perhaps it felt like he was having a liitle (feminine) insecure wobble. Not a masculine moment.

    Did you feel the loss of his strength and protectiveness?

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 10:28am

  96. 96: MissStixNo Gravatar says:

    Tam to april rose

    I am out of practice on CDing tools. Better at the “relationship” stuff.

    ummm…Thinking about it!

    Daria? Any thoughts? You’re good at that stuff!

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 10:30am

  97. 97: Goddess LilyNo Gravatar says:

    I use spelling and grammar rules backwards all the time….and it does feel worse because I do know better. I almost did it right then. I typed no instead of know the first time. I think I have a fear of appearing ignorant.

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 10:30am

  98. 98: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    I need to get out of this cycle of helplessness.

    Of feeling eager for crumbs. Oh, here comes one a bit bigger than usual. Oh yes, please (sits up and begs).

    I want to feel in a powerful place.

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 10:30am

  99. 99: MelNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks FW, MissStix… good advice.

    95 April Rose…. ah…. that makes a LOT of sense. I didn’t feel “safe” in that moment. I didn’t want to go into masculine energy.

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 10:34am

  100. 100: MelNo Gravatar says:

    April Rose, who is the speech for? The man you live with?

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 10:35am

  101. 101: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    I feel kinda numb and in shock when i see others get truggered over typos I feel panick. I feel stony hardness .

    Ohhhh cooooool! I just got the most amazing insight.!!!!

    In my birth culture – something that’s bothered me for a few years now – spelling and grammar are considered evaluators of intelligence.

    I would Never misspell something without catching it – feel a lil warmth and tears – I So trust my detail awareness…

    I feel so bothered by that. It’s pervasive on the news Internet school speech. Making a grammar error = dumb. Like so dumb, it’s Required and Irresistible for the person to have it pointed out and made fun of or shamed.

    Like its the number one category people are judged on ( I like this guy but he can’t even talk right, can you believe it? He’s so dumb, I could never bring him home to my mom. )

    It’s an argument used against any logic or idea , oh you said that wrong so obviously you have no point or validity, get outta here can’t even talk right, filthy dirty unalphabets.

    Okie dokie! So annoying ! Keeps everyone to the ‘standard’ so that marginalized/underprivileged people have no right to be truly heard – open mindedly , cuz they don’t ‘speak well’

    I feel so passionate about this!

    I want people to hear each others ideas, not get blocked by ‘improper dialect’ class judgements.


    I’ve Neber heard this idea expressed, everyone is too involved and addicted to making fun of others language.

    There’s even segments on the news where they pick out people on TV who’ve made grammar mistakes and replay them to show how dumb they are.


    I want to have a quick cogent slogan spiel about this to bring up in conversation w people and have it kinda nudge them awake, of course since its the truth.

    (((((( Daria )))))))

    You’re so smart and kind and..


    Go D go D

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 10:36am

  102. 102: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    It feels good to be invited but I have feelings for you way above and beyond friendship so it would feel weird going along as buddies. What do you think?

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 10:37am

  103. 103: MelNo Gravatar says:

    Miss Stix,

    I think I naturally went down the route you suggested. He brought home something nice for the house yesterday and I said: “Ahhhhhh, it’s beautiful! You are making such a nice home for us. I feel so happy here with you.”

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 10:38am

  104. 104: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    Something happens to us when a man we love drifts away and then says that he considers us a “friend.” A good, great, wonderful, friend. We are so wounded in that moment that we BELIEVE it’s OKAY.

    We BELIEVE that either he’s not really saying what he’s saying, or that he’ll change his mind because he’s just scared of intimacy, or that WE’LL get over him fast and that we’ll WANT him in our life as a “friend.”

    We focus all our energy on NOT LOSING HIM. Even though he’s now only a “friend.”

    We feel a sense of loss so powerfully, that we put on our brakes and refuse to lose any more.

    And this just wrecks us.

    It’s us not willing to “give up.” And most often – “Giving Up” is the absolutely best thing we can do.

    The best thing for ourselves – our self-esteem, self-respect, confidence and power; and the best thing for the potential of the relationship. If the relationship ever CAN return to the romance it once was – it’s Giving Up that gives you your best chance.

    So when a man comes up with the “friends” line – however he says it – GET OUT OF THERE!

    I mean this LITERALLY. Don’t smile, don’t say how you “love him as a person” and “of course you want him in your life,” don’t say you “need to think about it,” don’t share your pain with him….because – he is NO LONGER YOUR FRIEND.

    Yes, this is pretty radical. Say “Oh. Well, you’re right, of course. Goodbye, then,” turn around and get yourself to your home, to your girlfriend’s home, to a dance class, the gym, the coffee house – just get out of there.

    And yes – he will call you. He’ll try to “make nice.” He’ll try to do what he needs to do to feel better himself, and he’ll try to do what he needs to do to KEEP YOU in his LIFE.

    Do not pick up the phone, do not return calls, do not return emails. Nothing. If you see him at work, smile and walk past.

    If he should manage to get you on the phone, say “This doesn’t feel good, I ust don’t have the time for a man friend right now, I have to go…” and hang up the phone.

    And do all this WITHOUT ANGER. Think about it. He’s done nothing wrong. He’s done nothing bad. He hasn’t (unless he’s a sociopath, and we’ll talk about that later) intentionally tried to hurt you. It just didn’t work out for him. He’s trying to “let you down easy,” and he really likes you as a person and as a woman and so he’s trying to keep you in his life.

    If he hadn’t HAD to – because the relationship had come to the point where he had to – he would have tried his best to NOT say anything to you. He would have “strung you along” for as long as he could. And not because he’s “bad” and “awful” – but because he LIKES you – appreciates how you add to his life, and doesn’t want to LET YOU GO.

    IF – and I say this very carefully – IF he’s going for friendship now because he simply can’t conceive of anything deeper right now with ANY WOMAN – and you feel totally tempted to wait him out, until he grows up – you are doing yourself a deep disservice.

    The absolute BEST thing you can do for yourself is to take him at his word. Friends it is. Wave Goodbye to him and get yourself back on the market Circular Dating, and work through your distress with my Power & Self Esteem Tools until you realize what a huge favor he’s done you by telling you anything remotely truthful when it was important to you.

    When you walk away, and get happy elsewhere – that’s when (IF it’s even possible for him to change his mind and all of a sudden feel romantic about a relationship with you) – he comes back.

    And Mariah – he’s coming back now – but still only as a “friend” – and you are still unwilling to walk away. I totally identify with you, I know we all do…and here’s what you do:

    1. Write a speech. It will say the truth. You don’t want to be his friend. Period. You’re not sure why he’s telling you about his love life, and you still care deeply for him and do not want to be his friend.

    2. When he calls next, deliver your speech simply, so that you can experience yourself as telling the truth and feeling powerful because telling the truth is ALWAYS powerful.

    3. Say Goodbye and hang up. Do not get into chatting, do not listen to him, do not ask questions, do not talk about your relationship, do not ACT like his friend. Do not revisit the breakup. Do not listen to his “feelings.” Say Goodbye and hang up.

    4. Go do something very, very nice for yourself. Something from your Channeling List.

    5. Get out there and DATE – work for YOURSELF, not to get HIM. As you do this – tell the truth and shift the focus – you’ll see – things will get better.

    Love, Rori

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 10:39am

  105. 105: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Even goes to, why would you expect to have a nice house like me you Analphabet, you can’t even talk where were you when i worked hard at school you coulda to.

    Social and family influences not seen. In us there’s so much discourse about it what with diverse groups so I got luck to ‘get it’ and see the light and break thru this perception.

    I haven’t seen anybody else, intellectual or otherwise, do so yet.

    I have a lot to offer these people of my ethnicity.

    I can translate my novel in 2 languages.

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 10:39am

  106. 106: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Awwww, I a mix of feelings.

    I feel amused, happy, sad, disrespected, detached, proud, loved, understood, not understood, happy with who I am.

    I’m in the soup.

    Probably the most solid feeling is a love for myself.

    Woke up to a beautiful morning, the sun shining, steam rising, surrounded by my sweet family, knowing that I have lots of choices in the world and lots of people who care about me.

    And while it feels disheartening to be taken in a certain way, I feel better when I remind myself that what other people think about me is none of my business.

    Oh wow! I feel like jumping up and down thinking that.

    And I feel proud of myself for taking a risk and apologizing for my part even though it felt scary and vulnerable.

    I feel soft on the outside and strong on the inside.

    And I feel thankful for this work and approach and how much I have changed and evolved and grown over time. And I feel satisfied with myself and who I am.

    And that feels like heart lifting and expanding and floating into the air as a warmth encompasses my whole body. Feels like a big warm hug.


    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 10:40am

  107. 107: MissStixNo Gravatar says:

    Here is a speech I might give if a man I had romantic feelings for expressed wanting no more than friends.

    I would say:



    “My feelings are deeper than just a friend feeling. It feels wrong, to me, to think about spending time with you as simply a friend. I don’t want to put myself in that space. I feel open to romance with you, and happy to have spent time with you, and sad letting go, but it’s what i’m going to do.”

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 10:42am

  108. 108: CalypsoNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Sirens – I am back from a quick work trip to Chicago and oh my goodness – my son’s Drill Instructor appears to be in hot persuit of me – WTH? He is texting and emailing and calling me like crazy – outright flirting with me now. I’m sort of stunned. I mean . . . he is 16 years younger than me and lives 10 hours away, so no big deal, excepot he has my son in his custody right now . . . yikes! Lol

    I must confess, it is a little bit thrilling. He is a fascinating man – he used to be a sniper and he is very charming and funny, but . . . I’m not looking for any sort of relationship or fling with him, but I feel like he is getting attached.

    What have i done? Lol

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 10:42am

  109. 109: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    Yes, Mel,

    The speech is for WM, the man I live with.

    Even though it was I who first ‘suggested’ we might be good friends and no longer lovers six months ago, I felt like I was kicked into the backyard and had the door shut on me last week.
    That was when he fell for another woman.

    That was when I physically felt him ‘check out’ of the relationship with me.

    Even though our relating has been the best ever since I discovered Rori and practiced the tools, I still find it painful to be replaced.

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 10:46am

  110. 110: MissStixNo Gravatar says:

    I tried to type that speech out authentically…How I would speak it, and I did! So now I want to tweak it (afterthoughts :p)

    Replace “letting go” with “moving on”. As I don’t see myself “hanging on” so “letting go” doesn’t really make sense.

    But that’s how he would hear it, so…I couldn’t have controlled that. I think the point is made. Self respect, respect of him, and zero desperation.

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 10:49am

  111. 111: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    “It feels painful to be replaced by another. I miss your romantic affections, and have missed them for a long time, hence my dating others.
    I have feelings for you beyond and above friendship. I don’t want to be friends. I care for myself too much to accept that offer.”

    I feel I’m missing something out, but will keep processing.

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 10:49am

  112. 112: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    And I think today I will focus on nurturing and caring for myself in the best ways I can.

    Some possibilities
    Take a walk
    Go shopping for winter clothes
    Take a bath and have a spa day
    Spend time beautifying my home
    Meditate and breathe love into my body
    Get a massage
    Spend time with good friends
    Write in gratitude journal
    Play music
    Look for Halloween costumes.
    Yay! We took a couple month hiatus from the band and are starting back up this weekend and have a show on Halloween! I feel really jazzed about that.

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 10:49am

  113. 113: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    April Rose – replaced? Aw girl I would so shift that perspective .

    Lol . This feels amusing. I feel great that something’s finally happening and there’s movement in that stagnated relationship thing.

    Ouchie and how can I take good care of me… And … this means I’m healing.

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 10:50am

  114. 114: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Nothing. Is what I believe Calypso. He is a natural hunter. I believe it is what he does.

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 10:50am

  115. 115: TamNo Gravatar says:

    I feel so grateful today.
    Grateful that I found out one of my CD’s is married.
    feeling grateful and warm that I have not received a further email from MrP, since I had clearly stated my ‘don’t wants’ as not having email communication right now – and he has respected that…this feels good.
    And it is new, before when I used to withdraw, he would come chasing and not respect when I needed space. This feels so much better, like in quiet agreement.
    I feel respected and heard.
    I feel accepting of what is and happy that I have time to concentrate on myself.
    I feel happy that I have cancelled both dates for today as I feel tired and exhausted and don’t want to practice tools tonight.
    I feel so good to be spending time on me.
    Aaaaah, what a relief.

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 10:50am

  116. 116: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    I wouldnt give any speech. I’d just ignore him till he comes to me.

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 10:51am

  117. 117: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    (((April Rose)))

    I always feel smiley when I see your name.

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 10:51am

  118. 118: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    “My feelings are deeper than just a friend feeling. It feels painful to me, to think about spending time with you as simply a friend. I don’t want to put myself in that space. I feel open to romance with you, and happy to have spent time with you, and sad to be moving on, but it’s what i’m going to do.”

    Thanks, Miss Stix. I’m trying this on for size.

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 10:51am

  119. 119: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    AR – I agree with Daria

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 10:51am

  120. 120: MelNo Gravatar says:

    April Rose,

    If it were me… the reason I would have difficulty being friends with a man I had loved would be the intimacy/attachment/hormone issue. I think it would impede my ability to move on.

    I might say something like:

    I feel terrible saying no to friends, because there are a lot of things I will miss if I choose to walk away. But I’m just a girl here, and I know that it will feel too difficult for me to be friends with a man that I have been intimate with. For me, there are a lot of feelings attached to intimacy… and those feelings cannot simply be forgotten just because the relationship is given a new label. It would feel awkward and painful for me to continue to see you as only a friend.

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 10:52am

  121. 121: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    It feels painful to me – feels confusing to me. Also I found myself wondering what feels painful?

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 10:53am

  122. 122: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    That could be twelve months or more.
    This man has strong will and pride. He won’t come to me. And I want him to know I am making a distinction between our relationship as friends (last six months) and a romantic relationship.

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 10:53am

  123. 123: MissStixNo Gravatar says:


    It does feel good to see reassurance offered in the form of expressing positive feelings :) I believe he will gain more security from that and naturally drop the worry.

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 10:54am

  124. 124: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    That is beautiful and I am crying now.

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 10:54am

  125. 125: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    It feels painful to stand there in front of you and see your arms and not feel them wrapped tightly around me. I feel unhugged. I feel undesirable.

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 10:56am

  126. 126: MelNo Gravatar says:

    (((April Rose)))

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 10:56am

  127. 127: MissStixNo Gravatar says:


    Feel happy to offer perspective!

    I did envision that speech in the form of response though…I envisioned a man speaking his truth and then responding to it. So I don’t feel as secure in it as a way to bring it up…

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 10:57am

  128. 128: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    It’s the being kicked out of his ‘forever’ space that hurts.

    I had it. He was in it with me for life, he said.

    I just didn’t know how to ask for more than crumbs, or how to deal with his withdrawing.

    I dated another man. That turned WM off.
    I enjoyed the company of the other man more, actually!

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 11:01am

  129. 129: TamNo Gravatar says:

    April Rose, did he ask you to be ‘just friends’? Because if he didn’t, and he just kind of checked out…and it was me, I would be inclined to agree with Daria. I would also just get myself busy and if he came to me with anything, such as a ‘friendship offer’ or anything else, then I would speak with feeling messages.
    What do you think?
    Do you want him back, seeing that you were the one who wanted to be friends before?
    Or is it just the feeling of hurt that he went with another woman?
    I sometimes get those two confused.

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 11:03am

  130. 130: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    ‘ I miss your romantic affections, and have missed them for a long time, hence my dating others.’

    Thus to me reads like explaining due to guilt. Eek . I feel triggered reading it. I assume a persons triggers will jump on me to beat me up and shame me as that’s what I’m inviting.


    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 11:04am

  131. 131: TamNo Gravatar says:

    128, ok that is the answer then April Rose. Find a guy that you enjoy….CD…and see what happens? I would feel excited to find someone whose company I enjoyed more…the possibilities are endless!!

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 11:05am

  132. 132: CalypsoNo Gravatar says:

    FW – I’m sure you are right. So do you think it is ok for me to just try to relax and enjoy being his prey? I’m a little freaked out, but even as I’m typing this, I’m smiling. It is helping to make me feel so much like a siren! I bet JC will notice a difference in my vibe tonight – he is taking me to an antique auction tonight. I have that “Cat who ate the canery” gleem in my eye right now – I can feel it. It’s from engaging in an exciting conversation with a very powerful man – whew – I love being a woman!

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 11:05am

  133. 133: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    ‘I just didn’t know how to ask for more than crumbs, or how to deal with his withdrawing.’

    Beating self up – notice the ‘just’

    Blaming self by ‘keeping it real’ Smh Daria you are an excellent manipulator . We will heal.

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 11:06am

  134. 134: MissStixNo Gravatar says:

    I envisioned my speach as bringing the topic up, and suddenly it went from powerful and respectful feeling statement, to feeling convincing and “letting you know this” out of the blue.

    mmm perspective.

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 11:06am

  135. 135: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    My cat is being my man right now he came to put his head next to mine purring and watching me type. I can ‘feel it’ I felt like when a man does it hehe. Hes not all limp on me he’s strong.

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 11:09am

  136. 136: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    ‘I dated another man. That turned WM off.’

    Ouch beliefs and perspectives…

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 11:10am

  137. 137: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:


    I’m feeling stumped today when it comes to giving suggestions to others. I think it’s because I really need to take care of myself today and put some energy into my own relationship.

    Love you all bunches and see you on the flip side. <3

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 11:12am

  138. 138: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks for the help so far. I’d like to ask for it continue.
    I’m feeling so appreciative of the input from you ladies.

    I feel in the soup.

    I don’t know if the pain is cos he’s now got another woman.

    I do know that over the last twelve months I’ve seen times when I could have committed to WM (and came sooo close to making the decision)…. and didn’t.

    I believed that a commitment from me would make things much better between us. But I didn’t make one.

    And I don’t know if that was self-sabotage, or the right thing to do.

    I do love him deeply.

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 11:12am

  139. 139: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    April Rose – I wouldn’t make any masculine destinction

    You sound in a bad beat self up place and looking to invite more from him :(

    If he doesn’t come to you, oh well, more space for you!

    I ignored my dad and he didnt look at me and we didn’t talk for like 3 months practically and now he’s doing stuff for me and being nice

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 11:12am

  140. 140: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    Laughing Goddess,

    You go enjoy your fathomless feminine mystical self, sweet lady

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 11:14am

  141. 141: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Committ to something that doesn’t feel good when a man us not beating the ’emotional’ door down to woo me, ouch what pain

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 11:14am

  142. 142: April RoseNo Gravatar says:


    I’m trusting you. I know you can smell out judgements from feelings.

    Thank you.

    I’m too close to all this to see ot clearly right now.
    Thank you for helping me to separate it.

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 11:15am

  143. 143: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Said friend that I was writing about earlier has just drafted me into doing two favours for her also, one I had agreed on and she is pressuring me with time, and the other she just said: ‘I have drafted you in for’.
    That feels icky to me.
    She has done me favours also, but I never just assumed.
    I feel weird about this, like I had no choice….it was not a question but an exclamation mark.
    I feel unheard and unasked, like I don’t even have a chance to say ‘yes’ or ‘no’ because it was not a question.

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 11:17am

  144. 144: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    I love my bloated icky face

    I feel so uncomfortable

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 11:18am

  145. 145: TamNo Gravatar says:

    This keeping boundaries is especially hard when people only know you without good boundaries….because then it becomes even harder to actually enforce them. What a test.

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 11:18am

  146. 146: MissStixNo Gravatar says:

    Still grading my own paper.

    I no longer “move on” from anything.

    Gosh…I am feeling blocked on how to envision this. I admit I don’t like the “my horse” tool. I want to say I don’t move on, I shift my direction, but this feels wrong too. I am still going the same direction. Maybe I just “keep on walking” and if he veers off I keep on walking. Feeling how that feels. But still walking. If he comes up beside me again, feel how that feels and keep on walking?

    I dunno. Not quite right. But I do like to envision the man walking beside me.

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 11:18am

  147. 147: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Yeah April Rose if hit done dates pronto, it’s like a diff world after

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 11:19am

  148. 148: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    ‘I’d hit some dates’

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 11:19am

  149. 149: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    I am feeling angry at being kicked out.

    And furious that he did not beat my door down to be with me.


    I feel furious.

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 11:19am

  150. 150: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Miss Stix – sounds like the bridge tool

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 11:20am

  151. 151: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    April Rise – kicked out? I’d look shift and heal

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 11:20am

  152. 152: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    I am in my own opinion an absolute giant when it comes to leaning back and feeling messages!

    I am working Rori’s tools like never before. And with WM.

    I could never get out of my masculine pattern with him before.

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 11:22am

  153. 153: Simply GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    I changed my profile picture on facebook.. I had a new one from Saturday night when I went out with friends, looking super hot of course. 😉
    I got 13 likes in a matter of minutes from guys on my facebook – I put it down to me being ‘single’ now.
    Soon as I did I got a text from him saying “Sort your head out with you profile picture on facebook!!!”
    Then “Serious question! What is going on with you? Are you seeing someone else because that’s the idea I’m getting you know!”

    I change my facebook picture often. Don’t usually get a response like that. It’s like he feels threatened. :( I love him.

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 11:27am

  154. 154: MercedesNo Gravatar says:

    Daria; I don’t know if they are on fb or not but you can sign up at their website:

    nanowrimo . com

    (added spaces because I have no idea if I can post links here without going to moderation)

    I’m new so I can’t be much help but maybe I can support. :-)

    Much Love,

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 11:27am

  155. 155: MissStixNo Gravatar says:


    It does! I had forgotten about that 😉 hmmm although I am seeing a pretty dirt road with many forrests and meadows and farmlands and pretty cottages along the way. Maybe the occasional little wooden bridge. Yes. I like this vision. I can stick to this road.

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 11:28am

  156. 156: Simply GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    “Sack it, I want it over fast instead of you playing head games!! Are you going to be in later when I finish for my stuff?”


    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 11:31am

  157. 157: MissStixNo Gravatar says:


    It is becoming very clear he is very focused on you. And you on him 😉

    In this space I would probably continue to lean back and observe. Not respond to anything that felt bad. I would continue to change my pic if it felt good to do so. I would ensure I had no urges to do it to make any statement to him. If I did feel those urges I would refrain.

    I would not respond to his projections, and perceptions. Although I might say “It feels irritating to see assumptions being made. I hear you, but I feel exhausted.”

    You don’t have to respond at all if you don’t want to.

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 11:47am

  158. 158: Simply GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    The pic change wasn’t aimed at him at all. It’s my most recent one from the weekend. He doesn’t usually respond like that and I would never expect him to.
    Even his mother added me back on fb and is saying he’s messaged her and gone ‘ape’.
    I don’t know how to respond.
    I can only imagine he’s feeling tense from the relationship change – which he instigated.

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 11:51am

  159. 159: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks Mercedes :)

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 11:51am

  160. 160: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    I want to have that feeling of sensual extreme power I feel when a man is leaning into me and I feel like I’m incredibly attractive… All the time… When I’m out in the world, by myself, etc

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 11:53am

  161. 161: Simply GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    From his mum..

    the pic really doesn’t suit you, I didnt even know who it was at first so do me a favour change it. You don’t have to put pic on like that to wind him up or attract men you’re pretty enough. To be honest the first person that come to my head when I saw it was …….. (MEANING HIS EX GF) Xx
    Ring me xx

    The pic isnt even bad, you’d think I was flaunting round in my skimpies or something. I could understand if I was. I am in a black dress from Saturday night. Haha.

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 11:56am

  162. 162: Simply GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    From his mum..

    the pic really doesn’t suit you, I didnt even know who it was at first so do me a favour change it. You don’t have to put pic on like that to wind him up or attract men you’re pretty enough. To be honest the first person that come to my head when I saw it was …….. (MEANING HIS EX GF) Xx
    Ring me xx

    The pic isnt even bad, you’d think I was flaunting round in my skimpies or something. I could understand if I was. I am in a black dress from Saturday night. Haha. Jes us.

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 11:57am

  163. 163: MercedesNo Gravatar says:

    LG: I think your posts are still to me but I’m not being addressed so ignore if I’m off base here. You said you don’t want to argue with me about it and neither do I. I don’t feel sorry about anything I said, so an apology would be less than authentic.

    You apologized to me IF you said something that made me feel a certain way. It didn’t make me feel that way at all:

    “I do apologize if I said something that felt attacking to you. I do not want to attack you personally and I apologize if my intensity around the whole situation came across in that way.”

    I don’t know what you want from me going forward. I don’t want to argue either and I said what I have to say on it so…what are you looking for? I would like to help you feel better about this if I can but I don’t know what you want. Can you help me better understand?

    I’m good with dropping it and continuing to offer advice that feels good and comfortable for each of us and knowing that we do not feel the same way about how certain situations should be dealt with. You are much softer than I am. Your goal is generally (I believe and correct me if I’m wrong here) to bring a man closer right away. Mine is to let him know in no uncertain terms that I will not be treated that way and then, if he can deal with that, to bring him closer. I don’t think either of those approaches are wrong, I think they are just different.

    I didn’t feel attacked though so you can let that go if it was worrying you. I felt like you were twisting my words to make them into something I never said and I felt you were blocked to seeing Rori’s tools in them and so were putting down my advice even though, it exactly followed her tools. Unfair treatment as far as I’m concerned but again…that’s just how I perceive it. If you don’t, that’s okay…we are two different people with our own experiences, thoughts, feelings…we don’t have to see things the same way.

    If your recent posts are being directed at me, please help me understand what you need from me…

    Much Love,

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 12:02pm

  164. 164: MissStixNo Gravatar says:


    I’m sure his mum has lovely intentions, but I could not bring myself to do her that favour. I don’t know about you…

    Gawd SG you have a lot more patience than I do. lol Respect to you.

    I’d be all “it’s unfortunate you feel that way but I put it up for me and i’ll only change it for me.”

    and ps if you want to interfere in someone’s business maybe you could talk to your son about calling me a b!tch and my mum a C U Next Tuesday.



    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 12:03pm

  165. 165: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    ew i feel pist at the way his mom is talking

    shes probably trying to protect him haha from being riled up lol


    no more protecting men D wow that will be some practice when it comes to my brothers rawrr

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 12:05pm

  166. 166: MissStixNo Gravatar says:

    K I wouldn’t really say that 😉 I don’t have the guts in reality. To be confrontational like that.

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 12:08pm

  167. 167: MercedesNo Gravatar says:

    SG: How you are not exhausted right now? I can’t imagine having to deal with his mother too if she’s bringing up other women. sheesh!

    Still standing by “the best response is no response”. If he needs his mother to step in for him and try to put you in your place…well…once again…that’s not generally something that gets better over time…

    By now, I’d be on a serious phone/fb break if I were you.

    Much Love,

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 12:09pm

  168. 168: MercedesNo Gravatar says:

    SG: RE 165 MissStix. I’d say it in real life. I’ll even do it for you if you want me to… :-) Be happy to!

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 12:10pm

  169. 169: Simply GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    I know Mercedes.
    However it makes me feel uneasy the thought of him being ‘riled up’.
    I just want to take the pic off now and change it back. Especially with his mum getting involved. Now I can’t though because it makes me feel even more uneasy thinking I have to change my faceook photo because him and his mum said so. :/
    She’s just text again saying “Oh my god I’ve never heard him so mad! To be honest, I thought it was xxxx when I saw it (his ex)”

    Nice one haha! What a thing to say. Can you see where he gets it from.

    Ahh.. I just wanna text him and tell him to not be silly. I love him the daft sod.
    Personally I think its nothing to do with the pic as much but more to do with all the likes from men.

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 12:16pm

  170. 170: Simply GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    To be fair.
    If he had changed his picture and then loads of different girls liked it I would feel AWFUL, MAD, ANGRY, UPSET etc. etc.

    I feel for him :(

    What should I say. As much as he’s a pig sometimes I don’t want him hurting.

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 12:20pm

  171. 171: CalypsoNo Gravatar says:

    Drill Sgt CD just called me – holy cow – I can’t decide how to feel about this, but I’m still smiling like an idiot, so it can’t be too bad?

    he just told me he does not to be too forward, but that he feels very attracted and connected to me – he enjoys talking to me and hopes we can continue. he asked if I would mind exchanging pictures so we can put a face with the voice.

    I finally told him that i am a lot older than him – I confirmed that he is 32 and i told him I’m 48 – he said I don’t sound or present myself in a way that makes him feel like there is an age difference and that he is not concerned with it.

    This is crazy – what does he think this is going to accomplish? What do I? I don’t know, but I am enjoying the experience and the thrill of the dangerous attraction . . . maybe he was sent to me to help me finish healing from my man crack addiction to GM – I mean a SNIPER for crying out loud . . . has to trump a prison guard in the bada$$ category, right?

    I have issues – lol

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 12:21pm

  172. 172: MissStixNo Gravatar says:

    Mercedes 167

    :) Rock on!

    I’d be feeling hot faced and fuming, but I still filter myself rather heavily. Especially with moms.

    Not my own mom though….Just other people’s moms. I can say anything to my mom. We’re well beyond formalities.

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 12:22pm

  173. 173: MercedesNo Gravatar says:

    SG: I don’t really know what to say. My advice is no contact. If you are going to contact or change the photo or do anything you are being told to do right now then someone else is going to have to help you with that.

    Personally, I wouldn’t walk away from this situation, I would RUN. He’s controlling, his mother is now trying to control you. Your future with this man (unless he decides he wants to change) is one of doing as you are told, wearing what you are told to wear, going where to you are told to go (and when), keeping care of everything (including his children) and generally just being available to ask “how high and over what honey” when he says “jump”. If that’s okay with you, then someone here can help you wtih the feeling messages. If you think you can change him for the better, I don’t know where to direct you.

    It’s time for me to back out though. I don’t know what else to say except run. Leave his stuff for him and run. FAST! And then, maybe work on yourself and use tools to find ways to be stronger against people who are hurtful to you. There are ways of getting yourself to a place where you will not only refuse to put up with this treatment but will also not feel bad about that. You need those tools.

    Much Love,

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 12:25pm

  174. 174: MercedesNo Gravatar says:

    MissStix 171: I was married to a mama’s boy. I got the other people’s mom thing down pat! haha!

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 12:27pm

  175. 175: MissStixNo Gravatar says:


    The empathy is good…But I would desire to still refrain for managing his feelings. It wouldn’t be my responsibility. I could ensure the air was clear regarding his assumptions.

    “I see assumptions that aren’t true. I hope to continue doing things that feel good for me. It feels difficult to see a way around this. I hear that this bothers you, and I don’t have control over that. I would be honest with you if I was seeing someone.”

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 12:28pm

  176. 176: MissStixNo Gravatar says:

    I would also feel like I’d be wasting words. I don’t see the way this man treats women changing. But by a miracle…I dunno.

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 12:33pm

  177. 177: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    SG – i feel excited he’s “riled up” over the photo… his attraction is coming back! oh i wouldn’t go back to doormat now, i’d just keep doing what you’re doing!

    rori says men will ‘grumble’

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 12:37pm

  178. 178: MissStixNo Gravatar says:

    Mercedes – lol My ex mother in law was quite distant in location and emotion. She had a young son with her new hubby (was pregnant when I met ex) so she was more focused on that part of her life. And G’s mom
    lives quite far away as well although we’ve met and adore each other. Neither of them the interfering type. Thankfully.

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 12:38pm

  179. 179: Simply GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Omg you should see the text he just sent me over the pic. I told you he loved you, do you want me to send you the tex he just sent? I don’t believe it xx

    “We really had good talk and everything today bout you, to be honest I feel like CRYING for him. That pic has really upset him an to be honest he was so happy today and bet when he saw it it brought back horrible memories of someone.. (his ex) xx

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 12:41pm

  180. 180: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Must. Get. CF. Off. The. Brain.

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 12:44pm

  181. 181: Simply GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    177: Daria

    I understand that. In a small way I feel like ‘Wow! He actually cares” but it’s being over ridden with the thought of him being really jealous, scared, upset.
    I know it’s only a photo but I don’t want him to feel that way. I also know I shouldn’t be concentrating on his feelings. Ahh this is hard!

    ..and thankyou for all your advice ladies. I really do appreciate it all. It’s kept me sane.

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 12:45pm

  182. 182: MercedesNo Gravatar says:

    MissStix: Thankfully is right! J’s mother is not close (as in lives many, many states away) but we do love each other.

    My ex though…mom…ugh…six blocks away (in a very small town…I’m talking regular city blocks) and used to doing EVERYTHING for him…cooking, cleaning, wiping his nose…it was AWFUL for me. I was nothing like her and he hated that. To make matters worse…his sister in law is the perfect example of his mother. Sooo…his brother got the dream and he got me….nothing close to being able to measure up to that. It was awful!! LOL. I’m so glad that’s over!

    Now, he’s seeing a woman who looks like me only with curly hair (not exactly like me, but we could easily pass for sisters) AND she’s domestic and willing to let his mother do whatever she wants, etc. HE has the dream and I am very, very happy for him. I always wanted him to be with the right woman for him. He seems good…which is good for me and for my children too! :-)

    Much Love,

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 12:45pm

  183. 183: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Mercedes: My recent posts weren’t directed to you. I was riffing and exploring my own feelings. Keeping the focus on me. :-)

    I don’t need anything to feel better. I actually feel pretty great today. Really focused on caring for myself.

    I feel grounded.

    I do feel cautious. Not wanting to get poked or prickled. Not wanting to get jabbed. Surrounding myself with ferns.

    I didn’t really feel resonance with what was described as my goal. Close by not quite. I actually felt kinda icky reading that, like I was being subtly digged at. But it feels better to just let it go. And go about my day.Not get stuck on my ‘stance’ or proving a point.

    It’s really beautiful outside and I’m looking forward to getting out there and enjoying it.

    I feel good about things. I faced my fear of taking a risk and apologizing for how i may have unintentional affected someone and I feel really proud of myself for that.

    It felt vulnerable and scary and pushed me to see my own inner strength and realize that what other people think of me is none of my business.

    And that feels great to know!

    So thank you for triggers. I’ve learned a lot from the experience.

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 12:46pm

  184. 184: Simply GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Ahh now hes put a status saying ‘Lemo vibes’ meaning drugs. :( Argh!

    I don’t want that. He turns to it whens hes stressed.

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 12:47pm

  185. 185: MercedesNo Gravatar says:

    LG: LOL ok. when you said you apologized to “someone” and you said it in several posts, I thought you meant me.

    ” like I was being subtly digged at” – nope…not my intent at all.

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 12:51pm

  186. 186: TamNo Gravatar says:

    I was feeling very serene and nice earlier. Now it is gone, my computer had issues and was logging ina nd out of the chat programme flippantly and then I saw MrP was on there..but I did not see that at first, as someone pinged me and my computer kept crashing, so I went on-line, off-line and guy I was chatting to said ‘what are you doing, looks like you are in and out like crazy’ – and then I saw MrP log off (as if me being there irritated somehow)- and for some reason that made me feel weird. Anyhow, so then I was chatting with this guy I brieflt dated whilst in Europe. Well, he never took intitiative or called so we only had one date..every now and then he would send messages like ‘oh don’t you want to speak to me’, or ‘we should meet again’ – but never did anything. Ever since I am out of reach, he has been bombarding me with chat messages….’oh you should be here’ bla bla and ‘oh should I come and visit’ – he is just playing and I have lost patience because it feels insincere, and I feel bad with it.
    So for the umpteenth time he askes ‘should I come there?’ (he never would, it took him 3 weeks to decide to take the train to the next village) And I said:
    ‘look, I am sorry but I don’t see this going anywhere, I feel strange continuing to exchange these messages as I do not want a long distance romance and won’t be back where you are for a long time, if ever’
    Now I feel grumpy.
    When I was there we could have gone on dates, and this chatting feels silly, like a game and a waste of my time!! Grrrr!!

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 12:51pm

  187. 187: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    SG – oh cool, i feel excited this is great practice for you to shift from ‘feeling sorry for him’ to respect

    i know how heartbreaking and painful it feels to feel sorry for a man. i bawl and cry loud and wrenchingly in my chest when i feel that

    it really is healing for me to cry and be there and be the one that stands for healing for all of us… after that there are shifts, to better relations, more happiness for all

    (((((woman emotion transformer)))))

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 12:56pm

  188. 188: Simply GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    So how do I shift from feeling sorry for him to respect?
    Not respond, respond with feeling.
    I have the urge to tell him it’s all ok. I’m not seeing anyone. I love him. This is wrong though right?
    I feel so ignorant not responding. Like a mean b1tch.

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 12:59pm

  189. 189: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    “look, I am sorry but I don’t see this going anywhere, I feel strange continuing to exchange these messages as I do not want a long distance romance and won’t be back where you are for a long time, if ever’

    so dope!

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 1:00pm

  190. 190: MercedesNo Gravatar says:

    SG: “So how do I shift from feeling sorry for him to respect?” – Respect needs to be earned. As soon as he does something to earn your respect, he will have and and you won’t have to shift anything…

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 1:03pm

  191. 191: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Simply Goddess – heres what i would do

    yes i agree don’t caretake for him. imagine him as a hurting little boy (this shoudl get you feeling badly… and its not what will help him i romance)

    then CRY CRy cRY for that little boy. drink water<– yes drink water while/after crying is really important to let my body not get stuck with the pain and flow it all out

    2. make up an image of the "Powerful Masculine" get into what it feels like to be around that powerful masculine. now choose that he is that, no matter how unlinke that it seems. i just say to myself. well its true anyway lol. as much evidence as comes to the contrary. just doggedly and stubbornly hold on to it in the face of all odds

    whewh it works

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 1:04pm

  192. 192: Simply GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Wow, was that for me? haha x

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 1:04pm

  193. 193: MissStixNo Gravatar says:


    o.O nope…I couldn’t handle that! That would be way too much for me!!

    Good to see that you are both in places better suited to you! :)

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 1:04pm

  194. 194: MercedesNo Gravatar says:

    MissStix: It was too much. And I didn’t handle it well…or gracefully…or sireny….haha! (hence “ex” husband…)

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 1:06pm

  195. 195: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i totally disagree with mercedes that respect has to be earned

    one of the key spiritual themes and practices on this blog is to respect ourselves and respect the masculine no matter what our programming says about judging and earning

    this is huge

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 1:07pm

  196. 196: April RoseNo Gravatar says:


    What do you mean look shift and heal?

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 1:08pm

  197. 197: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    SG – no the quote was part of Tam’s post that i liked

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 1:08pm

  198. 198: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    oops i got triggered into defensiveness


    sorry Daria

    i feel angry and hopeless and panicked!

    and scared! very scared

    people like tht will kill you! oh its ok i want to heal this, im healing this thought habit

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 1:09pm

  199. 199: MercedesNo Gravatar says:

    SG: This will probably work wonders: “I have the urge to tell him it’s all ok. I’m not seeing anyone. I love him.”

    But…then you’re back to not feeling right about “letting him get away with it” and with you still being angry and hurt and not communicating it.

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 1:09pm

  200. 200: MissStixNo Gravatar says:


    You are incredible!

    It feels so impossible for me to do that when I am immeresed in behavior that does not inspire respect. Though…I know it can be done.

    It just feels like too much effort to me. I can use this shift for little things (such as the man not owning a car), but this is a huge shift. I feel I would be putting too much energy into it.

    I believe in this case I would choose not to shift how I am feeling towards him, but to put all that energy into self focus.

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 1:10pm

  201. 201: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    “Boundary problems occur when we get off balance and abandon ourselves. We need to learn to stay connected with ourselves and stay in balance no matter what moves our partner makes. This doesn’t mean staying in a relationship regardless of what your partner does. It means not reacting out of your own fear of abandonment, thoughts of unworthiness or feelings of guilt. It means making conscious decisions instead of mindless dance moves.”


    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 1:11pm

  202. 202: MercedesNo Gravatar says:

    oops!! Yes Daria…I forgot about that particular teaching. I did not mean to go against Rori here on her blog again.

    I should have said “in my opinion, respect has to be earned” because I absolutely do not respect all people. No way no how.

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 1:11pm

  203. 203: MissStixNo Gravatar says:

    I *think it’s too much energy 😉

    Grading my paper. Today I get a B+ lol

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 1:12pm

  204. 204: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    April Rose – i mean, like wow i notice this wording does not feel good

    “kicked out?” whats that all about, i don’t want to frame it this way, sounds like a mindframe/perception leading me to pain

    eeeh eeeeh ouch ouch

    i feel excited to notice and get a chance to tweak and shift it

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 1:13pm

  205. 205: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    I am learning to respect the masculine.

    And feeling my way through recent upheavals.

    Thank heavens I do respect him now. By choosing to respect him I believe I am respecting myself – my inner masculine nature AND my feminine.

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 1:14pm

  206. 206: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Mercedes – wow that feels so triggering. thank you.

    i feel excited to heal images of you sentencing me to death because of not seeing my intrinsic human worth


    this is NOT true Daria. i know it seems like that people who express this will kill you, and that you see evidence of it everywhere, but its just a wound and it’s not true no matter what it looks like

    i bet i dont respect myeslf in places and that’s why htis is showing up


    i love your tightness

    we’re healing!

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 1:17pm

  207. 207: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Mercedes 184

    Pretty much everything you are saying to me feels like a jab at this point. I wonder what it would take for this to stop?

    I’m a sensitive person. I don’t want to be spoken to this way. I’m really trying my best here.

    What would it take for this to lighten up?

    I want to feel safe here.

    I’m here to practice being feminine. Sometimes that feels vulnerable.

    I want you to feel safe.

    I want everyone to feel safe.

    I want to feel safe.

    I want to be a fern, not a cactus.

    Awww, even thinking that just switched my energy up.

    I want to be a fern, not a cactus.

    Thank you for the triggers!!!!!!!

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 1:18pm

  208. 208: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i sentence myself to death when i don’t respect myself


    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 1:22pm

  209. 209: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    sorry Mercedes , i’m rereading my post and i have some anger/shaming directed at you that i feel

    i apologize for that, totally not your fault and not your responsibility what images get triggered in me etc

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 1:24pm

  210. 210: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i feel so angry about not being respected unconditionally

    breathing laboriously

    it feels so unsafe, i feel pleading, desperate



    i love my labored breathing

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 1:26pm

  211. 211: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    I feel so excited!!!!

    I feel like dancing around the living room singing

    “I am a fern!!!”

    This is such a great image for me and a tool of Rori’s I haven’t practiced much.

    I can definitely be a cactus but now I know how to switch back into being a fern.

    Or what was that word Smile taught us? …I can remember.

    I’m imagining a warm rainforest full of beautiful flowers and ferns and fruit and birds chirping. Beauty everywhere I look.

    And I encompass all of that.

    I feel full and rich and ripe.

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 1:26pm

  212. 212: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    masculine daria says: Bracken :)

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 1:28pm

  213. 213: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks Daria :-)

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 1:29pm

  214. 214: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    All this talk about respecting the masculine reminds me of one of my favorite posts.

    Rhonda – this situation rings to me as “low class” – and not because he’s low-class, or you are – but because of the “drama” involved here.

    If this is your attitude towards him: “…I’ve tried confronting him several times about it, and nothing is getting through his thick skull. I feel like he has no respect for me” – then his “running away” makes perfect sense.

    You have to own your part of this dynamic – and that’s YOUR respect for HIM.

    And if he’s disappearing into social situations – then pretty much, it just says that neither of you have the maturity and skills at this moment to have a meaningful conversation that’s a heart-to-heart and not a confrontation.

    He’s not just going for walks and running at the gym – he’s doing stuff that he has to KNOW specifically puts you off balance and feels hurtful to you.

    You are BOTH punishing each other.

    You have to go first.

    You need to learn the skills of talking to him with respect and yet with your whole heart.

    You need to learn to negotiate.

    AND – this all begins with your relationship with yourself.

    So – what does that look like?

    Start with my ebook – and learn how to use the Tools by practicing them consistently with EVERYONE.

    Love, Rori

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 1:30pm

  215. 215: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 1:31pm

  216. 216: MercedesNo Gravatar says:

    This is very, very frustrating LG: “I’m a sensitive person. I don’t want to be spoken to this way. I’m really trying my best here. ”

    I’m trying my best here too. I don’t know what to say or how I’m speaking to you that is so offensive (or whatever the appropriate word is for how it feels to you…I don’t really know so I only use that word as my own assumption).

    I was trying really hard to respond in a way that you felt was open to me helping you with what you need from me. You said your posts weren’t aimed at me so I laughed a little and thought “oops” when you were talking about “someone” I thought you were talking about me. And then you said you felt something I said was a jab at you and I said “nope” (because it wasn’t a jab at you…it was truly how I thought you were – and I think it’s good to be that way – but I also, trying to make sure I didn’t hurt you, asked you to correct me if I was wrong…trying to stay open to what you really mean and not assume anything…)

    How is that all a jab too? I have no idea what to do here. Every time I type something I think is going to lighten the mood and let it all go, you’re back upset with something I wrote.

    As you said…I’m trying my best here…what can I do at this point?

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 1:33pm

  217. 217: MissStixNo Gravatar says:

    I do see a way to respect every single human on the planet in at least some way…At the very very least I can respect everyone’s basic human rights. But I believe, for me, beyond that it is an ebb and flow of earned respect. Meaning my respect flows easily when I feel admiration for respect inspiring behavior. It may ebb with other behaviors. But that does not nean I DISrespect anyone at any time…

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 1:34pm

  218. 218: MercedesNo Gravatar says:

    Awwww…Daria…it’s okay…I understand how we can get images that are brought on by something someone said but not really by THEM. Happens to me too.

    I don’t respect everyone, as maybe I should, but I DO respect YOU. You earned that from me a long, long time ago. :-)

    Much Love,

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 1:36pm

  219. 219: April RoseNo Gravatar says:


    I feel excited too. I intend to end pain addiction now and forever.

    ““kicked out?” whats that all about, i don’t want to frame it this way, sounds like a mindframe/perception leading me to pain”

    Please help me to uncover my mindset around pain. Can I tap on it? Ohhhh….sob…..

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 1:37pm

  220. 220: MissStixNo Gravatar says:

    Ladies…Say it with me now,

    “Thank you for the triggers.”

    “You’re welcome”




    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 1:39pm

  221. 221: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    I’ll bet my bottom dollar that Laughing Goddess and Mercedes are of the two opposite communication styles (in Matchmatrix).

    My money is on LG being of the Emotional Communication style, and Mercedes being of the Logical Communication style.

    You can find out which one you are, on their website for free. It is calculated by birthdate. I do not know what their system is but I have tested it on tons of people I know and it never fails.

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 1:41pm

  222. 222: MercedesNo Gravatar says:

    MissStix: I don’t thank people for triggers. LOL!! I prefer a much quieter method of learning. :-)

    I CAN thank for the conflict yesterday though. That difference of opinion and getting all fired up is good for me and I love it.

    Frustration today though is not so much fun for me. :-(

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 1:42pm

  223. 223: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    It also (on matchmatrix) describes the difficulties and discomforts in communication between two people of opposing styles.

    I feel fascinated

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 1:42pm

  224. 224: MissStixNo Gravatar says:

    Cool april rose I feel really curious for myself and will go take the test. Feels fun!

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 1:43pm

  225. 225: MissStixNo Gravatar says:

    mmmm letting really is an art!! Because you can teach theory and technique but the result will look different depending on who is wielding the brush.

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 1:44pm

  226. 226: MercedesNo Gravatar says:

    April Rose: I don’t know what my communication style is on that particular site but I would also bet ANYTHING you are correct and it IS logical. I don’t even know how else TO communicate. haha!

    Thank goodness the people closest to me ‘get me’ or we’d be in conflict ALL THE TIME!! :-)

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 1:46pm

  227. 227: MissStixNo Gravatar says:


    lol, noted.

    But either way all i’m saying is we are all heare to learn and teach in some way and we all have differences so extending the conflict looks like going in circles (to me).

    But, hey, if it feels cleansing in some way…By all means. Have at it :)

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 1:47pm

  228. 228: DariaNo Gravatar says:


    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 1:47pm

  229. 229: MissStixNo Gravatar says:


    Letting *go is really an art…

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 1:47pm

  230. 230: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    how can i respect my inner boy when he ‘fails’
    and doesn’t do what he says

    ugh i feel so frustrated

    i respect my inner boy

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 1:48pm

  231. 231: MercedesNo Gravatar says:

    MissStix: It feels like circles to me too…yesterday was good…today is me finding it absolutely impossible to write the way I really want to come across…

    :-( Maybe that will be good for my novel… lol

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 1:49pm

  232. 232: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    April Rose – i feel curious which one i seem to you?

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 1:50pm

  233. 233: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    (((((April Rose)))))

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 1:53pm

  234. 234: April RoseNo Gravatar says:


    You seem to me to be Emotional communication style.

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 1:54pm

  235. 235: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    ah i feel all triggered and panicked and resnentful and urgent and angry and confused when someone doesn’t follow the ‘rules’ / guidelines

    oh i feel so ashamed of my little rule stickler / tattle taler


    i feel like running away

    i awnt to beat the shit out of that lil nerd UGH I CANT STAND HIM

    i love my violent desires

    i love my little nerd boy

    i love my lil good girl

    i feel so cryiiii

    i love my cryiii

    i love my shame

    i love my pain

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 1:55pm

  236. 236: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    But then again you may be a logical style communicator who has worked and worked to connect on a feeling level.

    Let me ponder a little more before my final answer….

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 1:55pm

  237. 237: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    April Rose – hehe cool! i feel happy haha!

    i turned out “logical” on their test but I get the impression im both

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 1:56pm

  238. 238: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    when i go intuitive emotional / riffs im emotional communicator and haha we here all know i do it well


    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 1:56pm

  239. 239: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    April Rose – haha too late you got it tho eeh

    i feel ‘trapped’ with personallity box quizes and feel all triumphant and terrified blowing up the categories

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 1:58pm

  240. 240: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    tho for some reason i don’t feel so triggered by the Margaret Lynch / Rhys Thomas energy profiles

    i do think i have multiple ones of those

    we are all all types of ish and can shift w choice i believe eeeek this feels tightening in my chest

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 1:59pm

  241. 241: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    Yay! I want to explode the categories too!

    Freedom from labels, for all!!!

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 1:59pm

  242. 242: Miss BellsNo Gravatar says:

    To me, the Rilke quote means that we have to let go in EVERY relationship, not just the unhealthy and damaged, but also even the best and most loving.

    We have to let go because that is what keeps the love burning. Fire needs air.

    We also have to let go, ultimately, in death. Everyone you love will leave you one day–not by choice. Unless you are the one who dies first.

    We have to let go partly because if we are too busy holding on to THEM we let go of OURSELVES instead. And that is a tragedy.

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 2:00pm

  243. 243: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    I love your words, Miss Bells

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 2:01pm

  244. 244: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i also feel triggered with uncomfortable feelings about

    well i feel guilt that i feel pist being told i earned respect

    and i feel all beamy and lit up being told that im respected

    and then i feel all powerful and lit up and good about myself *like a boy* that i ‘earned it’ from someone who ‘doesnt give it to everyone’

    and then i feel uncomfortable and scared and guilty and ashamed

    i feel the fear that i could ‘fall off’ or ‘not earn’ and that this is a conditional prasie that i have to ‘work for’ and ‘earn’

    and that feels a lil unsafe, and like i have to keep working hard and that feels uncomfortable and i feel ANgry about that

    and gugghghhh i feel icky and uncomfy and sad

    sad in my heart

    i love my feelings

    i love my icky feeling


    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 2:02pm

  245. 245: MissStixNo Gravatar says:

    Friends 61%
    Lovers 75%
    Not a perfect match, but you do have the two most important ingredients—good communication and wonderful sex. (((Dam right 😉 )))That said; there are a couple key things you should be aware of. One of you is non-stop and you always have a plan. (((him)))The other is no less intelligent—they simply move at slower pace and are not as quick at making decisions as the other. (((me)))Despite your ability to connect deeply with each other through communication and intimacy, this difference can be an issue if you don’t acknowledge it. (((acknowleged every day)))There should be plenty of chemistry, but just in case there’s not you need to check your Attractions. They may be False and you need to stop looking for that chemistry high. (((the chemistry came after the love for us so that’s cool)))

    That was fun and rather accurate!

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 2:04pm

  246. 246: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Calypso…. it’s all practice right? He lives 10 hours away? That sounds like a safe CD since you seem so happy with your man. :)

    Starla, have you ever gone back to read the old posts you wrote about CF? From what I remember, you were pretty upset and turned off by him a couple times. It might help to go back and read those old situations, and wonder if you’d even really want him again, or if it’s just that you feel you can’t have him, so you are obsessing. What do you think? When I read old stuff from C, emails or even hear that tone in his voice…. I feel like, OH there it is…. why I’m not with him now! IT helps.


    Life is good here…. focusing a lot on me, going car shopping this weekend, breakfast with a friend and a reunion planning meeting with another. I’ll see Mr. Conversation tomorrow night… he’s out of town and I’m proud to say I have felt very hands open, palms facing forward with him the last few weeks. I’m not holding on. I’m really enjoying the time we spend together and he’s stepping up… but I’m still very focused on me. I’m not done. Still lots of growth to go, and it could be easy to slip back into old habits.

    I’m still on my dating sites, heard from a few guys who sound ok. Not sure I want to invest any time in them though, so much to do in my personal life right now…. but I”m keeping an open mind.

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 2:04pm

  247. 247: MercedesNo Gravatar says:


    Not my day…

    Much Love,

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 2:04pm

  248. 248: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i feel so sad and pist to have somone flounce Thanking for Triggers

    i feel so happy when i remember to use this tool and it shifts my perspective and opens my heart and it feels delicious

    and i feel pist to have it slapped away like an ‘inconsequential girl’ ouch not seen not loved feels sooooo triggering

    i love my pain

    i love my abuse images

    i love my triggers

    thank you for this

    i love that i get to touch my pain and im healing myself by doing so


    last nite i was talking about sad stuff at one pt w CD and it wasnt That sad to me, but then i felt him lean in w sadness and i was going to harden up but instead i opened up and felt my sadness too and it felt so good and warm and i ‘get’ it about it being safe that i feel feelings its safe for him to feel it too awwwwwww


    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 2:05pm

  249. 249: Simply GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    I feel absolutely awful.
    His mums been on the phone, shes usually fine when I talk (although manipulative) but she turned on me a bit. Started saying we shouldn’t be together if he can’t do anything right. The lads trying etc. etc. and he cant do anything right to me.
    I mentioned about the ‘complicated relationship’ and she started saying well it is complicated. Whats wrong with that. Argh.. I’m so mad.
    Saying she’ll ask him about it when he comes in and she cant wait now as when she knows something like that he’ll start telling her things he doesnt want her to know. Like “well did she tell you about this and this..”
    Argh I’m so mad and upset. Feel like I’ve just been completely played again.

    :( :( :(

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 2:06pm

  250. 250: MissStixNo Gravatar says:

    I see these as just a larf, and not much more.

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 2:06pm

  251. 251: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i feel guilty! CD keeps conversing w me in text and i kinda want to answer the last one w happy face but i also dont want to text

    but i also dont want him to feel nto loved

    oops ok… shifting to respect

    i respect him to know how to approach me which is w face to face time for me even tho it feels good that he’s thinking about me w texts

    mggh gggh

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 2:08pm

  252. 252: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Simply Goddess – she may make it all about him and treat her son like a lil girl but I wouldn’t

    he’s a man and it may do him good to have a woman in his life who can actually respect him and treat him as such rather than caretake his feelings for him


    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 2:10pm

  253. 253: MercedesNo Gravatar says:

    I wonder if we can stop referring to each other as “someone” here and just talk to each other? As in, real communication. Like if anyone has anything to say to me, instead of pretending I don’t have a name and using the word “someone”, could you address me? That way I stop making assumptions about being talked to or about. Maybe that would help.

    Because once today I assumed I was being addressed and it wasn’t me (I think once a couple of days ago too). And it’s possible I might be doing it again right now. Can I ask for a little respect (unless I still need to earn it) and ask that anyone here who has something to say to or about me…remember that I am a human, I have feelings and I have a name.

    I feel like I’m being trapped into responding to something and the answer will be “it wasn’t about you.”

    I wonder if that’s true….

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 2:12pm

  254. 254: Simply GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    I fele like crying. I feel so attacked and misunderstood. Manipulated and played.
    I’d get eaten alive if I move down there.
    She’s the most manipulative, cruel, game playing, sneaky woman I’ve ever known.

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 2:12pm

  255. 255: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    they said i had false attractions

    Fuchk you match matrix i feel pist and freaked out

    i want diff wording

    i feel pulled to depolarize, feel compassion for men and respect for women and its all good im healing this nd this is a GOOD thing cuz it uhhh… gives me super abilities of communication and intimacy and depth and human relating wideness gifts

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 2:13pm

  256. 256: Simply GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    ..and now I know he’s just cpome into his house while I was on the phone so they’ll e discussing right now. Argh.

    I feel like I just want to speak to him on the phone. Properly.

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 2:14pm

  257. 257: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Mercedes – i feel a bit triggered

    id personally feel better to stick to the guidelines and riff on triggers without referring to particular Sirens and when it is obvious where the trigger is from thanking the woman for bringing up this trigger for me (which has nothing to do with her but happens to trigger ‘my stuff)

    that feels really good for me and i feel excited about the progresses ive made using these tools – in not blaming others or getting into my blamy, tight, intense, rigid laser mind energy as much , which wasn’t feeling good with men or bringing me the results i watned (peace, open men who want to see me again and again and care for me)

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 2:17pm

  258. 258: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    Miss Stix,

    Sounds great.
    I had a similar score with EM. Only in our case I am the faster one at making decisions and he takes longer.

    To me it would seem ideal that the man has the quicker mental speed.
    Nice one, you and your man. I would really like a score like yours.

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 2:18pm

  259. 259: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Simply Goddess – thats an urge not a feeling

    i would get off the phone now just hang up

    i would not beat myself up by staying on the phone while people are talking about me

    i feel pain in my heart of when i used to subject to tolerating that with my parents

    nwo my family has all learned not to tolerate that For themselves! from me

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 2:18pm

  260. 260: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i feel pist

    i feel ‘manipulated’

    respect for me is not about doing what someone wants cuz they ask for it

    i HATE THATAAAA i feel so triggered by that

    i feel like shutting down pulling away attacking and giving cold stares to that

    ohhh wow this feels intense

    thank you for this trigger

    i have this come up often in real life

    i cant handle this

    i feel so angry

    i feel so angry

    i love my anger

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 2:23pm

  261. 261: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    I am experiencing a shift and a crack in the dark clouds.

    It is well that WM has got off my horse.

    I need the space on there for fitter riders.

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 2:23pm

  262. 262: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    Letting go…

    Hm I’m not sure how I feel reading this article.

    I read only the other day from rori that we do not need to feel stressed about not being able to completely let go this moment but to let our enegy take us forward.

    I know ive not ‘completely’ let go yet … But my energy it totally carrying me forward. I will get there. Babysteps.

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 2:23pm

  263. 263: MercedesNo Gravatar says:

    Daria: I see where you’re coming from but if things like this:

    “i feel so sad and pist to have somone flounce Thanking for Triggers”

    and this:

    “and i feel pist to have it slapped away like an ‘inconsequential girl’ ouch not seen not loved ”

    are aimed at ME, I feel like I deserve to be able to speak to them. But…if I do…I’m pretty sure (not completely sure but pretty sure) I will hear that “It’s not about you…”

    That is disrespectful to me as a human being who just got done saying what I like and don’t like or do and don’t do with regard to triggers. I’m not in the same place everyone else is…but that doesn’t mean I’m “flouncing” anything or that I “slapped away like an ‘inconsequential girl’ “…it simply means I’m not in the same place.

    But that’s okay…respect that as you respect me and refer to me as “someone”. Tells me a lot about what it means to “respect” everyone no matter what. I think you “respect” me on the same level I “respect” a certain man I’ve been referring to…

    Not my day…. still…

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 2:24pm

  264. 264: Simply GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Hes texting

    Seriously don’t know what you expect me to do, You have really caved my head in”

    I responded “Thats exactly how I feel sometimes”

    He replied

    “Do you not think Im owed some sort of apology or at least see why I get wound up and throw a strop or kick off?”

    My response?

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 2:24pm

  265. 265: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    Laughing goddess… He he, yes a bracken!!!! Aw It felt good that you thought about the new plant xxx

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 2:25pm

  266. 266: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i feel so angry

    i feel sad

    i feel panicked

    i love my anger

    i love my sadness

    i love my panick

    i feel so angry

    i love my anger

    i feel so urgent

    i love my urgency

    i feel shut down i lvoe my shutdowness

    i feel so sad i love my sadness


    im feeling better

    i ‘get it’

    i feel uncomfortable

    i feel all warm in my chest coming up to my lips

    i love my warmth

    i love my melted peace

    i love my dizzy head

    i love my throwback head

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 2:25pm

  267. 267: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Thats exactly how I feel sometimes”

    oops that doesn’t feel good to read. comes off as blaming

    him talking about an apology feels weird

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 2:27pm

  268. 268: MissStixNo Gravatar says:

    I am reading that I am a logical communicator.

    I do see myself in this.

    I also see myself as an emotional communicator (now). Good stuff. They say you can change your communication style. But I believe you can. Well…Add to it at the very least.

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 2:28pm

  269. 269: Simply GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    I’m rubbish at fm’s..

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 2:30pm

  270. 270: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    ““Do you not think Im owed some sort of apology or at least see why I get wound up and throw a strop or kick off?”

    honestly i feel pist and i don’t want a man all focused on his own feelings, i feel better being the emotional partner. what do you think?

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 2:30pm

  271. 271: TamNo Gravatar says:

    lots of defensiveness on here tonight….feels very yucky to read and inauthentic.

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 2:35pm

  272. 272: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    ouch i feel lost

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 2:36pm

  273. 273: CalypsoNo Gravatar says:

    @ 245 Turquoise – Yes – ti si all just for practice and whatever he has been sent to heal in me. I’m just getting jumpy because he is sort of relentless all of a sudden. The last 2 days he has been non-stop contacting me and wanting to know if I have time to talk and if not, when . . .

    We have now exchanged pictures and he wanted to know what I thought of his photos – I keep feeling a shift in my thoughts on him and it is hard to keep up. Now instead of feeling thrilled, I’m starting to feel like he is needy and that is a huge turn off for me.

    He is 10 hours away, so completely safe, except . . . my son’s entire life is in his hands right now – literally.

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 2:38pm

  274. 274: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    I’ve been obsessing about my lack of relationship/connection with WM for a long long time.

    Now that he is talking with me (he feels he can, because he has got confidence from talking with the new woman) I am hearing about his deep depression.

    I feel free. I feel judgement lifting off me. The tools were not working on him, and it was making me feel helpless.

    Now I kind of understand. I had a man who was ill.
    Still gonna take care of me first, though.

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 2:38pm

  275. 275: MercedesNo Gravatar says:

    How riffs feel to me: inauthentic

    (more like excuses to say horrible, mean, rude, threatening and obnoxious things to someone). lol someone.

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 2:38pm

  276. 276: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    I wondered why I attracted a man with such terrible depression and low self-esteem.

    Was he reflecting my inner masculine?

    I feel desperate to make him strong and confident (my inner masculine nature) and give him tons of RESPECT to build up his self-worth.

    That’s it! Offering respect without needing for it to be earned, raises men’s self-esteem and so heals the world…….?

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 2:40pm

  277. 277: MissStixNo Gravatar says:


    They lost me. I feel annoyed reading this. It’s so “trying to convince me”. I don’t relate to it and it feels frustrating to me. I want to gain perspective on how I communicate. Now i’m just sitting here like…Huhhhhh??? I don’t understand! I feel confused! It feels like my brain is just under pressure. I want to relieve it. I stopped reading.

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 2:41pm

  278. 278: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Mercedes – aww. they’re not aimed at you. im sorry if it triggers you with pain, but seriously they’re all for me, words you typed just happened to spark off some images and thoughts for me. its not your fault and really has nothing to do with you – though i encourage you to explore anything that triggers you

    i thank you for your words that spark this off in me so that i can explore myself and my reactions and give love to myself and all my ‘me-ness’

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 2:41pm

  279. 279: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    RE 274 – That’s how it has mostly felt to me since I have experienced them. That’s why I have been unable to fully embrace them.

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 2:42pm

  280. 280: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    April Rose – yeah that feels exciting!

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 2:42pm

  281. 281: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    it feels easy to see when i think about respecting children – who aren’t ‘earning’ – and how that affects their self esteem

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 2:44pm

  282. 282: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    aww i feel disappointed to hear you ladies think so

    i also feel relieved i don’t seem to care very much that you think so

    lol yay freedom

    i feel very solid enjoying the fruits of my challenging practice of riffing for myself

    and reinging in my urgest to ‘influence’ or ‘direct it’ to someone

    i feel a bit of fear when i think ‘i’m not being believed’ and i feel so glad i feel so grounded and rooted and it just felt like a breeze not a hurricane

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 2:46pm

  283. 283: MercedesNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks Daria: They’re not sparking triggers for me. They feel very pointed and mean when they come from something I said. Triggers to me are things I need to work through. Direct comments based on something I said are not triggers for me, they’re mean.

    They’re not aimed at YOU though so it probably doesn’t feel so horrible to you, they’re aimed at (or at least said about) the *person* who triggered you. I’m a person.

    FW: Thank you. I appreciate the understanding very, very much.

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 2:48pm

  284. 284: Simply GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    “You know I love you and I’d do anything for you. Don’t you understand why I get angry sometimes? Justanswer me before you disappear so I can clear my head.
    You know how much my head gets caved when Im stuck in work and I dont hear from you. I just want my head clear. This should be a happy time in both our lives. I think you would absolutely love this place. I’m happy because I know the balls rolling and it’s a start but I also dont feel as happy as I should with whats going on. Because you know I love you dont you. x”

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 2:48pm

  285. 285: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you for the triggers!

    This feels amazing!

    I am learning so much. Growing expanding dancing through this.

    Thank you thank you thank you universe.

    Loving what is
    Dropping resistance
    Feels feminine soft free.

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 2:49pm

  286. 286: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    this feels exciting to explore!

    i feel reminded of when people have said to me ‘sayign how you feel feels inauthentic to me, it sounds like an excuse to blame me etc’

    but it still feels so GOOD to express myself to me, that even if im not being heard by the other person – and connection isn’t happening – it still feels GOOD to me knowing im doing my best to clearly express what’s going with me and focus on me

    and i choose to belive as i do this consistently, it Will create the safety and attraction to be head and connected

    that’s also beein my experience!

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 2:49pm

  287. 287: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Simply Goddess – aww that feels good :)

    Daria response: “aww that feels good :)

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 2:50pm

  288. 288: Simply GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    With that text. I feel he’s had drugs. He is really nice and loving and understanding when he’s had drugs. Explains why he does things, thanks me for sticking y him etc.

    I feel.. suspicious. Especially with the status earlier.

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 2:51pm

  289. 289: Simply GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    but yeah Daria.. that feels good to me to. I’m just so wary I guess.

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 2:51pm

  290. 290: TamNo Gravatar says:

    I feel disappointed too, that there seems to be a lot of blame, criticism and arguing for arguing’s sake on here right now. Isn’t that what creates all the problems in relationships in the first place?
    I feel kind of lost.
    Rori posted some great guidelines and maybe I am not always within them, but….they are great!
    Everybody deserves respect, also the stinky, dirty man who lives on the street…humans, animals, plants and all things deserve respect.
    Dignity and respect.
    Feels great to me. No limitations, respecting everybody and when they disrespect me – then I can disengage and remove myself. It’s all about me.

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 2:52pm

  291. 291: MercedesNo Gravatar says:

    ” i don’t seem to care very much that you think so” I feel this is the same level of respect given freely to all (including child molesters, murders and rapists) and I feel very hurt by the fact that this level of respect is the best I can do because respect is given freely to everyone just because…

    I love my feeling of knowing someone here respects me the same as she respects child molesters, murders and rapists.

    I love my hurt that no matter what I say or do, that’s the best I can get.

    Well…I tried…it’s BS. I still think riffs are an excuse to hurt others.

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 2:53pm

  292. 292: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Oh wow, feeling sad again and triggered.

    Really feeling the soup. Emotions changing from moment to moment.

    Isn’t that glorious?

    Loving me.

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 2:53pm

  293. 293: MissStixNo Gravatar says:

    I kind of like triggers, and the thanks regarding them. I feel guilty easily…So this way I can say “you’re welcome” and skip on my merry way. Same for anyone who’s words bring stuff up for me…I can say thank you and they can know I genuinely appreciate the chance to feel.

    Although I am no longer triggering feelings “on purpose” at this point. Only organically.

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 2:54pm

  294. 294: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Mercedes – so sorry for your feeling attacked/pointed at/- i feel a bit blamed and defensive, they’re not aimed at you, they’re a categorization of the imagined situation in my mind sparked off by the words, has nothing to do with you, though i can understand how it can seem that way.

    i feel a bit helpless here…

    am feeling a bit frightened being blamed, doesn’t feel good, am feeling a bit angry, now sad, now scared

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 2:55pm

  295. 295: MissStixNo Gravatar says:

    I do also feel respect for other views. I don’t actually feel triggered right now.

    Yay me! Just feeling normal.

    Triggers no longer trigger me.


    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 2:56pm

  296. 296: MercedesNo Gravatar says:

    MissStix: “I can say thank you and they can know I genuinely appreciate the chance to feel.” I think it is VERY VERY cool if you really do genuinely appreciate it. In that case, I would be happy to thank for them. When I don’t really genuinely appreciate someone trying to hurt me though…I couldn’t authentically say thank you. It sounds to me like you really feel that way (and aren’t just doing it because Rori said so) and I LOVE that…a LOT…if more people were genuine like you, I think I could hear the “thank you” and believe it.

    I love your honesty! Refreshing!!!!

    Much Love,

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 2:57pm

  297. 297: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    ehm well i feel glad my words seem to have sparked off some self exploration for people

    i feel a bit frightened and going numb now

    am feeling angry now, reading that first line i just wrote now i felt guilty like its passive agressive, it would feel good to feel good again like rooting into the belief that its all healing and Indeed it’s healing no matter what it looks or feels like at moment

    ahh i want to root in that i feel like im swept away on the wind i feel panic

    weeeee i love my panic

    i feel warm hearted i feel love

    i feel heart smily reading Mercedes going for riffs

    it is all healing mmm it feels scary

    i love that its healing i love my fears

    ahhh i love my desperation urgency fear

    ooh i feel melty i love my melty

    i love my hunger

    ggh gggh


    i love my ggh ghg


    i love my dryness


    i love my hhhh

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 2:59pm

  298. 298: MercedesNo Gravatar says:

    “i feel heart smily reading Mercedes going for riffs” ummm….I was being sarcastic…

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 3:01pm

  299. 299: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    ouch i feel annoyed being painted as ‘trying to hurt’ someone

    i feel all urgent to explain that i really wasn’t especially when i def have directed my words to others with intent to influence them before, and this time i wasn’t and

    its Totally ok!


    i feel happy and weeeeee and its all healing even if i feel squeezed thru a funnelllll weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

    i feel flying fst as light to thru the funnel

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 3:01pm

  300. 300: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    So many emotions swirling through me.

    It feels powerful to just sit with then and watch then flow and morph and change.

    Feels like the ocean bobbing up and down.
    Bllod pulsing through my veins.

    I feel so proud of me as I resist the urge to attack, defend, blame, explain, try to win a control struggle.

    It feels free and scary. What if I just sit with the emotions? What if I fill myself up with love and fern energy that can then overflow to the world.

    What if I don’t go into fight or flight mode?

    What will happen?


    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 3:02pm

  301. 301: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i love you all and i dont want to trigger myself so hardcore right now anymore, even though it felt manageable yay

    i will now focus on other stuff and won’t be reading posts that i intuit will trigger me to defensiveness

    thanks everyone though it feels great to get a chance to practice feeling defensiveness in blog and “choose my words”

    i feel so happy when i then am able to do this in real life and be close to my family more than ever before

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 3:05pm

  302. 302: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Mercedes, have you ever met child molesters, murderers and rapists?
    I have, in my private life and my professional career, this also includes wife-beaters.
    They are not well, they have to be punished, and they often have to be kept away from society – I feel good about this. About disrespecting them as human beings, I feel unsure and icky. Where does one stop to respect a human being? I wouldn’t know…
    I struck up a friendship with a very sweet 85 year old man once, who was a great giver and kind hearted and sweet…very sweet. I found out he had killed his wife in hot blood when he was a young man, he found her in bed with another man.
    The guy never ever even hurt a mouse or a bird, he just flipped….very wrong. But he still was a human being, a sick one at that, but still a human being with feelings and fears and love.
    So, hm. I feel confused about the respect issue also…especially as I have suffered from abuse myself. But now, I have no feelings towards the person at all – no hate, nothing. Can’t say I respect him overly… just kinda feeling neutral, and sorry for him because he is sick…and almost hoping he got his life together. I feel weird writing this even…hmmm

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 3:06pm

  303. 303: MissStixNo Gravatar says:


    “When I don’t really genuinely appreciate someone trying to hurt me though…I couldn’t authentically say thank you.”

    This makes a lot of sense to me. (Though I don’t believe anyone is trying to hurt you-I dunno, I can’t speak for others-this is how you feel it, and see it.) If you don’t feel it then don’t say it.

    My eyes truly see no wrong on either side of this.

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 3:07pm

  304. 304: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Fight or flight when I feel endangered.

    Reptilian brain activated.


    I’m not actually in danger.

    Awwww, feelings shifting again to compassion and understanding and feeling whole within.

    Sunshine beaming through the heart.

    Feeling proud and noble.

    Holding head high.

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 3:07pm

  305. 305: Simply GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    “Listen, do you want to go out on Saturday night and we can have a proper talk and get everything off our chests? Without kick offs.. Just wish we could be back to how we was you know. Call me protective but I hate being away from you. I permanently miss you. Everything I do is for you and xxx (child). That’s all im bothered about. I’d appreciate if you could give me an answer asap because I cant handle feeling like this and you feeling the way you do. Even if I do put a brave face on we both know it kills me. We shouldnt be like this, we need to clear the slate and get on because we could be unstoppable together xx”


    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 3:08pm

  306. 306: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    April Rose

    You are correct! Emotional communication style. :-)

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 3:15pm

  307. 307: Simply GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Help me respond please you amazingly gorgeous people.
    This all came from not responding and then just responding in fm’s.

    After he asked for an apology I jut put

    “I can feel your anger David but I feel really tense too. I feel exhausted doing this over texts.”

    and then there came the long messages..

    Either the NC/fm’s worked or he’s had drugs..

    Either way surly I need to respond so he learns being like this is how HE gets a civil response.

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 3:16pm

  308. 308: MissStixNo Gravatar says:


    I want to say my comment 276 was aimed at the communication report I was reading, not the blog. I see now I popped that in randomly and it is kind of…Vague.

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 3:16pm

  309. 309: Simply GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Oops.. theres his name. Argh. Haha. Oh well.

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 3:17pm

  310. 310: DariaNo Gravatar says:


    when i took a break i felt more of my sadness

    i feel excited thinking that that’s why i was feeling the ‘urgency’ and ‘dizzyness’ to avoid feeling the pain and sadness



    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 3:17pm

  311. 311: TamNo Gravatar says:

    meeeee too!! emotional style!!!

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 3:18pm

  312. 312: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    ““I can feel your anger David but I feel really tense too. I feel exhausted doing this over texts.””

    Excellent. i feel peace.

    “Either way surly I need to respond so he learns being like this is how HE gets a civil response.”

    i feel panicked here. this isn’t how it ‘works’ it only works when the woman responds when she feels good, not to have him learn something. the intention is important, it will ‘backfire’ the connection if this is the intention

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 3:19pm

  313. 313: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Tam :-)

    Fist bump

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 3:21pm

  314. 314: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    Yay, LG. I knew it!
    You too, Tam.
    Me three

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 3:21pm

  315. 315: Simply GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Oh my goddd..

    “Im not even going to pester you because it just winds me up more. But I hope you do at some point take time to reply. Will you do me one last favour plssss.. Just change your profile picture to something respectable because I cant stand lads nonsing on you and you know that. You’re mine! Please will you do it. Anyway, I miss you.. Im hating whats happening right now and deep down whatevers been said between us, you know I give a sh1t xxxx”

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 3:22pm

  316. 316: Simply GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    and then… he likes the photo on facebook.

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 3:22pm

  317. 317: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    I can almost ‘smell’ people of this style. There is an ease of connecting with them, that I feel in my soul.

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 3:23pm

  318. 318: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    SG: how do you feel right now and in regard to that last text?

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 3:23pm

  319. 319: TamNo Gravatar says:

    I feel intrigued that surferCD has not been in touch today, except for a good morning text. Perhaps he is a little embarrassed about the booty call scenario….I feel happy that he did not get in touch, because I felt curious and wanted to ask him if he was married, better not.
    As I know already 😉

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 3:23pm

  320. 320: Simply GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    312: Daria

    Ok, Thankyo for clearing that up Daria.
    I sent that fm with no help from anyone! Yey! I’m learning!! haha I feel good.

    How do I respond. I feel I need to be cautious.

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 3:25pm

  321. 321: TamNo Gravatar says:

    316 April Rose, I feels good. I now see those of my friends who are ‘logical’ and those ’emotional’ and perhaps some mixed ones….but there is a difference…just not sure what it has to do with date of birth, oh well.

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 3:28pm

  322. 322: Simply GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    I feel so happy the communication suddenly seems authentic and less blamey.
    I feel loved. I feel cared for. I feel like I have grown because I have been so strong this time and not caved in like usual. I have never, ever, ever in my 2 year relationship heard him like this.
    It feels amazing to me.
    I also feel scared and wary that its drugs that allow him to express his true thoughts and feelings.

    I’m confused how to respond. I’ll think. Or should I say.. FEEL! 😉

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 3:28pm

  323. 323: TamNo Gravatar says:

    LG, bump, hehe

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 3:33pm

  324. 324: Simply GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Hearing that feels amazing to me. I actually feel loved and cared for and thats all a girl wants you know. I agree we need to clear the slate and it would be feel possible if we continue to communicate this way. It feels good to hear you speak from your heart.

    Yes? no?

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 3:44pm

  325. 325: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    April Rose – hmm i feel left out

    and i feel an urge to judge and replay a story of judgement of my dad

    wow thanks! i feel so surprised im noticing this and how im aware and responding!

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 3:46pm

  326. 326: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Simply Goddess – omgosh SO YES! you’re like, AMAZING!

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 3:47pm

  327. 327: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    SG 323


    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 3:47pm

  328. 328: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    SG – haha he liked the photo on facebook, told you he was attracted, now he’s starting to get into it and woo you away from those other guys hehehe i love it

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 3:49pm

  329. 329: MercedesNo Gravatar says:

    Tam: yes. I have. Lots of them. And I don’t respect them. At all.

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 3:53pm

  330. 330: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Turquoise, I always love when you post to me.

    LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 3:53pm

  331. 331: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    I have been given a very complicated, challenging project at work, and I am kicking its ass:)

    I have to focus on it during a set time frame every day in order to deliver daily reports to the client at the same time every day, and that’s about 2 and a half hours where i’m not thinking about any men… i’m just crunching numbers, and it feels so meditative. And it feels like alchemy, to take a spreadsheet full of numbers, and transform them into insight, plans, projections, and common sense.

    I feel magical and lit up and fulfilled.

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 3:58pm

  332. 332: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    “if my life is big and exciting and ‘worldwide’ it wont feel as special, healthy, fulfilling, sweet, innocent and deeply tender adn sacred as the life of people who live happyily around the same people in the same place their whole life”

    i want to heal this

    i feel sad!

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 4:00pm

  333. 333: TamNo Gravatar says:

    OOps, I have to gulp…I just saw MrP on the dating website…oooh, all sorts of feelings. He hasn’t been online since he knew when I was coming out here…about six weeks ago…and today, after my yesterday email, he is gone back. Coincidence or what? Oooh, I feel a lump in my throat now….eek. Trigger

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 4:03pm

  334. 334: Simply GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    He not only liked the photo.. He liked a comment a girl put saying ‘so pretty’

    He replied

    “I know but you know what I’m like for letting things build up and we both know I dont express myself at times”

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 4:10pm

  335. 335: TamNo Gravatar says:

    I feel accepting.
    I feel ok.
    It was a trigger, but in the end – we never even met again, so no biggie.
    I have spoken my truest and most authentic self, and it took guts and I am proud of myself.
    So really, all is well and we moved on and it was a shame we didn’t manage to rescue the friendship, but it is what it is.
    Anyway, I feel surprised also.
    And I feel super good that I stuck to my boundaries, I have honoured myself and if that inspires people to walk out of my life and find other friends/gf’s with fewer boundaries – or higher perceived value, or whatever. That is cool.
    I feel totally okay about that, and with myself.
    I feel actually even more free after the trigger, like I have just been given permission to do what I want and never look back….

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 4:28pm

  336. 336: TamNo Gravatar says:

    And SurferCD did get into touch and asked about the weekend getaway and I said it wouldn’t feel good for me.
    Another pat on the back.
    No questions, no accusations, just my feelings.
    It’s been a good day for me.

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 4:29pm

  337. 337: AnnieNo Gravatar says:


    I feel a bit confused about this.

    I remember those sort or crushes.
    What I feel confused about is the word attachment and neediness.
    Although I felt obsessed I would not have said I felt attached or needy

    Attachment and needy to me came when I had sex I then felt hormonally and emotionally attached and felt I needed and wanted to be with them. Attached as in a couple.

    It would feel good to have some help around this.
    Do you also mean the kind of attachment and need I am talking about is unhealthy also, or just the first type re crushes on people we don’t really know and have just had a couple of dates with etc.

    Surely when we enter a committed relationship where we are both wanting to sleep together and have a future children life etc and sleep together we are both supposed to feel attatched and the need to be together and not lose each other.

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 4:37pm

  338. 338: AnnieNo Gravatar says:

    from last thread.

    1170: MercedesN says:

    “I just wish people could read my words literally without trying to say what those words “imply”. Most of the time, I’m not implying anything. I really mean what I say. Except when I use the following words. I’m trying to do better at not using these when I don’t mean them:”

    Oh Gosh I feel so synchronized with you on that one. It is a pet hate of mine. I usually end up saying if a meant a different word I would have used a different word that I feel unheard. And that I don’t want stuff made up about what I have said, which actually changed the context. That feels harmful to me to the point at times where it has been down right libel. It then feels pointless to carry on engaging with the person who does this chooses to carry on doing this as no open and meaningful two way communication is occurring, It then feels in my best interest to be compassionate to myself and take the loving action of disengaging until that person wants to communicate with me in a way that feels better to me.

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 4:37pm

  339. 339: AnnieNo Gravatar says:

    Simply Goddess says.

    “But its literally taken me all day to send that because I’m wary about what to say. Also still a bit angry about things so it seems strange being civil back.
    What is this.. ‘letting him get away with it’ feeling I get by being ok with him when I feel hurt about the things he’s said/done. Control issues? Unresolved issues?”

    We have no control over what anyone else does, behves etc. We only have control over how we react back in conflict, what we do and if we are going to stay around and tolerate it.
    He is not responsible for your feelings of hurt.
    Your feelings belong 100% to you.
    Now when we are children we are not able to take care of our own feelings and we rely on our caregivers to help us learn how to do this.
    As adults we are 100% responsible for taking care of and managing our own feelings.
    We have no control over if another person treats us us in an way that feels unloving to us.
    We are only able to not abandon our feelings and take the loving action to take care of our feelings of heartache over this.

    If this is something that hurts our heart too much and is not something the other person wants to stop, then we have to decide if we can be with them knowing this is what they do and who they are and that we have no power or control in changing what they do.
    It is who they are at this moment. And how they have subconsciously learned to react and behave.
    All we are able to do is decide if it is a deal breaker. What is the deal you are accepting?
    If you do not want to accept it tolerate it then you walk away.
    He will then if he is the right man for you want to become a different person himself and start to make a subconscious choice to change himself. He has to want to and be able to.
    And if he doesn’t or isn’t t able then he isn’t the right man for you.
    The universe will keep sending you the same stuff back over and over rinse and repeat, until it gets resolved. Only you know what you want and what is right for you.

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 5:07pm

  340. 340: TamNo Gravatar says:

    I feel surprisingly calm considering that the last four weeks have turned into the complete opposite of the scenario I was envisaging.
    All change.
    It’s been a tough four weeks and they have really taken it out of me. Perhaps I feel calm because I have been through pretty much everything that could go wrong or unexpected…
    I was looking forward to the good times, and ended up with 50% of my social circle eradicated, and a strange man taking naps in my bed….but there have been lots of good things too.
    Just sometimes find it hard to keep up with how fast it all changes.
    Letting go.
    Letting go of past love and present expectations and future wishes.
    Letting it all go. Sigh.

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 5:18pm

  341. 341: TamNo Gravatar says:

    A tinge of sadness creeps into the realisation that the only constant in life is change, and the main, always readily available and stable source of happiness is: me

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 5:20pm

  342. 342: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Feeling sad.

    When I was looking at Match Matrix I saw an old report that I had run with my ex and I was surprised to see that we had a really high rating. I felt surprised because our relationship was really quite awful.

    But our match rating was quite a bit higher than the one I have with my sweetie now. Ours is just average according to the site with our main challenge being communication. No surprise there.

    And now my ex just posted a recording of a song he sang on my FB page and I just feel triggered and kind of sad.

    I felt tears in my eyes hearing his singing voice. I feel a lot of love for him as a person in my life.

    The thing is, I feel so much more secure in my relationship with my guy now. I never doubt his love and attraction for me. This other guy always left me questioning.

    I course I was totally different too. The ex was pre-Rori.


    I dunno. Seeing those numbers and then having him contact me right after just triggered something.

    Hugs to my heart

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 5:55pm

  343. 343: AnnieNo Gravatar says:

    201: Mercedes says:

    “oops!! Yes Daria…I forgot about that particular teaching. I did not mean to go against Rori here on her blog again.

    I should have said “in my opinion, respect has to be earned” because I absolutely do not respect all people. No way no how.”

    I feel respect for the individuals right to have free will to choose to do what they want.
    So I respect they have a right to choose.

    Doesn’t mean I respect what they choose to do and hence respect them as a person. If that makes sense.

    So some people I will not ever respect.
    I do not respect people who choose to roll their
    eyes at me.
    I respect their right to choose if they want to so that or not.
    I do not respect
    I do not respect people who sexually molest or rape,
    I do not respect people who sadistically torture people and animals, the list could go o and on really. If you get my jist.

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 6:22pm

  344. 344: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you Starla! Love you too!!!! :)

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 6:48pm

  345. 345: AnnieNo Gravatar says:

    I wish I felt able to get my head around someone saying they are no longer in love with someone but that person belongs to them as in ‘girlfriend’ ‘wife’ ‘lover’ etc, and not wanting anyone else to have them.

    It feels so odd that something is only of value when someone else suddenly wants it and becomes more valuable the more people that want it.

    Fickle fickle sheep mentality, yuck!

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 7:15pm

  346. 346: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Anyone have an idea why C wants to finance a new car for me to get me a better interest rate? I’ll be making the payments, car in my name….. He has a new girlfriend, in August told me he’d never do anything for me again…. And here we go again. I kinda feel like why not let him help me? What’s a car compared to a house…. But part of me really wants to do this by myself. The payment would be 40-60 less a month for 6 years, that’s a lot of cash. I wish I had great credit.

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 7:30pm

  347. 347: LindaNo Gravatar says:

    Letting go… becoming a mature woman … growing out of loving like a teenager. wow

    I am off balance tonight. I wish I had not openned my email before bed. I got blind sided. I literally feel sick at my stomach. I feel disappointed and surprised and afraid because of how I feel right now.

    The opened my email to find 4 emails from him. Full of pictures of places and memories… he saying he found them and thought that maybe I would want them. That it brought many fond memories and that he thanks God for every rememberance of me! OMG WTF !!!! why???? The last thing I wanted is pictures of the places we traveled together. pictures of him and I… I MEAN WHY?????

    I am upset that I am crying. and this has affected me. I dont want to cry or be affected or feel sick at my stomach.
    Dominique wrote about manipulation… her experiences… I have lived them too. HELP!

    It feels manipulative… he has done this to me before. I let him back in my life that time. Only this time I will never respond to him. He is NOT GOOD for me… The sick feeling I have came immediately… it is an uncontrolled response. It makes me feel vunerable and reminds me that way down deep..I love, even still I love him. I DONT WANT TO FEEL THAT WAY ABOUT HIM.

    His birthday is next week…I really made it a great day for him last year. I did lots of wonderful things. Was a loving, constant, beautiful presence in his life. I wish I could say that about him in mine.


    I was reading thing Starla wrote the last thread about CF. Honey I identify with you more than you know. That deep thing inside that you can not dislodge in your gut. I have it too.

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 7:48pm

  348. 348: MissStixNo Gravatar says:

    I wasn’t gonna share this here, I just had it on my little journal thread on my hidden fb. But I changed my mind. Not all my interactions are sireny, and perfect.

    I feel soft and sad. Smooth like a river stone. I had plans with jay tonight but he postponed till tomorrow. I understand completely that he stayed late at work. But when he postponed I felt a wave of disappointment, and I did not feel free to express it for some reason so I just said…”ummm ok”. Then the convo spiraled down from there. It just felt weird and tense and rigid and difficult and confusing. And he thoughg I wanted to come to his place and I said “I don’t want to just come to your place. If you want to come over, come over otherwise I want to do my own thing” and he said “what does that mean?” and i’m like whaaaat? Exactly what it looks like…Gawd. So I said “It means if you want to come, come! but if not i’ll do my own thing!” it ended with him asking me what *I* want and so I said “I wanted to stick to the original plan, but I feel frustrated right now so I prefer to drop it and have you over tomorrow.” and he said “fine”. And I did not respond to that one I just left it. Thinking…How did this end up being my thing? I got cancelled on. This was not *my* problem for him to say “fine” to. I guess just because I never expressed my feeling about that right then and there and he could sense it. So he called me an hour later and tried to smoothe things over but I still feel this sense of sadness and just kind of whooooosh sigh.

    He called again, and brought it up again “How are you feeling?” I said “oh, fine” which was true, i just felt fine. And I let the soft truth of that fill my voice and he said “that conversation earlier was weird. I want to make sure you’re ok.” I said “yeah it felt confusing.” he said “I know…I was not decisive so I think that threw you off?” I said “yeah…I really didn’t know what you wanted. But I guess you didn’t know what I wanted so it’s all good.”. He said “yeah” and we chatted about what we are up to and ge said he’d call back again later. So…I do feel fine. But it’s a soft and whispy kind of fine…Just kinda like a dandelion here. Just existing. Feeling soft and maybe slightly fragile and easily poof…Into the breeze.

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 8:10pm

  349. 349: MissStixNo Gravatar says:

    Aww he11 I hit post just as I saw his name in that. Sigh.

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 8:11pm

  350. 350: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Turqoise – he probably wants to support the mother of his children, which then helps out his children as well

    i would let myself be supported so that i can have more of me to offer too

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 8:28pm

  351. 351: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    I want to respect everyone as in choose to treat them with respect.

    which then i practice and becomes think of them with respect

    it has a lot of healing power connected to another spiritual principle that is part of the practice here, which is the mirror… what i judge in another i judge in myself.

    i don’t want to hurt myself and i want to respect myself

    ouch i feel ‘hardness

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 8:32pm

  352. 352: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    if i decide to ‘not respect’ someone and look down on them with disdain or judge them as less than

    it’s something im also doing to myself

    and ouch


    when i (will) see everyone with love and without judgement it will be more clear that the things i judged are illnesses, reactions to wounds,

    like judging someone with chicken pox for having spots

    even though, yes it hurts, having and being involved in these diseases that trigger people to attack

    do i judge a rabid dog for being rabid? – whats the point in doing so?

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 8:35pm

  353. 353: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    as long as im aware of the dog being rabid, i can choose to not to allow myself to get bit without judging the sick dog

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 8:36pm

  354. 354: MissStixNo Gravatar says:

    I know what I could have said: “Aw, I feel disappointed to hear you’re not coming, but I totally understand”

    But just because I knew what to say does not mean I felt free to say it in that moment. My urge to respond overwhelmed that. I do feel ok about that. I don’t feel any negative feelings around how anything went down. I feel comfortable. I feel good knowing my method of communicating in that convo was foreign to him. It was “weird” to him. This feels reassuring and liquidy. I feel vulnerable yet safe. It is totally ok to feel ice under my feet and slip. I trust him to catch me. I trust me to fall on my bum and dust off and be cool about it.

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 8:44pm

  355. 355: ViNo Gravatar says:

    I feel resistant to admit that I do take a good care of me. I believe “it’s shameful to do good things for myself and more shameful – speak about it” and I am doing them! I feel pouty. It feels so much easier to focus on what I don’t do and speak about that! I love my resistance. I love my beliefs. I did my beauty routine today. Ouch. I cooked and fed me with a warm breakfast. Ouch. I stayed open and responsive to touches and cuddles. Ouch ouch. I cleaned those signs of mold. I chose organic fruits over jam. I feel guilty! I feel bad writing about this. Hmm.. what else..? I feel proud of myself for expanding. And experiencing. I feel lump in my throat. I love feeling of lump in the throat. I love my ouch-y feelings. I love my beautiful shoulders going up. You can relax shoulders if you want, it’s okay… I love feeling proud too. Sigh. Sorting out the wardrobe and prepare it for ‘winter’ would feel ouch and fun!

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 9:12pm

  356. 356: ViNo Gravatar says:

    I feel afraid I will be judged as “greedy”. Ouch Ouch. I feel like crying. I feel my cheeks and eyes burning. I love my burning cheeks and eyes. My kid doesn’t want to be named “greedy” , the kid wants to feel good and alive, that’s all. I love my want to feel good and alive. I feel sad. I love my sadness. I love the droopy expression of my face. I love feeling soft. I love my wants. I feel glad to reconnect with my wants.

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 9:18pm

  357. 357: ViNo Gravatar says:

    My inner boy thought it’s wrong to stand up for me and felt ashamed when he did and angry when he didn’t. Awww I feel so much compassion to my inner boy. Thank you for being with me. You can unhide now, I love you! I appreciate you! I have so much work for you to do! I feel excited to be your little princess my boy!

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 10:15pm

  358. 358: TereanaNo Gravatar says:

    Wowowow. Not only is this a great post, but it is SO relevant to me today. As in – this has actually been the theme of my day!

    I’ve told you guys about the guy that I had such strong feelings for in HIgh School (i.e. what Virginia Clark was just talking about…) Yes, bordering on the obsession/infatuation. And how those feelings never really went away for me. I might have moved on. He did other things. But it was like they became imprinted on me and just part of my everyday existence. It was almost like the focus on him as my “life partner” became more important than he was – or even me. And I “needed it” to be alive. I swear that part of my dating issues all this time has been that I haven’t really let myself “be” with anyone else. I was always waiting for “him” to come around and see me…well, he never has.

    And you know that recently, I wrote the letter that to him and I “released” it into the universe – i.e. I burned it in my back yard. And I felt better.

    Well…this morning, I found out that he and his new lovely wife are expecting a baby. Eeep! And the due date is near by birthday. Yikes! I hardly knew what to do. A whole flood of emotions came in. I ended up venting about it to another group on online women – this is a group of friends of friends that we sometimes share our “stuff” with. I admit, I still feel a little bit juvenile anytime I mention this situation. But I swear that this stuff is real to me. Even if everyone else thinks it’s stupid.

    But here’s the thing: I had a good cry. I felt sad. I let the emotions move through me…and then…I got up off the couch. I got out of the house, and I did something nice *for me.* It was something I had planned anyway, but now it had a purpose. And as soon as I got out of the house, and saw the sun shining and felt the warm air (no snow here – sorry!), I felt like there was no way that I could NOT be happy. It felt like, no matter how much I might want to feel “sad” and “depressed” about this news, I just couldn’t do it! My spirit felt buoyant and resilient. Like wow, I never even hit the ground on that one. LIke maybe slowed down a few paces and caught my breath. But that was it. It wasn’t a show-stopper.

    Heck yeah!

    So, I figured – THAT was the important part. The important thing here wasn’t that I “get together” with this guy or not. I mean, heck, he’s got another wife, and they are having a baby. Who cares that I am TEN TIMES more amazing than she is, since she cannot possibly match me for depth or intellect. : ) But it’s not even possible to make a comparison. She is NOT ME. I am me. And there’s no way for anyone to match me. I am a one of a kind. And whoever is my partner is one very lucky guy. He’s already lucky. Even if he doesn’t know me (and also if he does ; ) Anyway, the important part isn’t the outcome. It’s not even my disappointment (which, by the way, wasn’t one of the emotions I was feeling). It was about how I bounced back. How I reacted to the situation. And how I CHOSE to feel. I could choose to be all “messed up” and feel upset about it. Or I could choose to feel happy EVEN THOUGH I didn’t particularly like it.

    I didn’t stuff anything. I felt everything I needed to feel. AND I FELT HAPPY WITH MYSELF ANYWAY.

    And I don’t know about you guys, but that felt huge. That felt like no dating experience I have ever had before. What do you think? Is this a new step into freedom?

    I think so. Baby step by baby step…I’m getting there, and I think this step actually just got me a whole lot closer.

    So wow. Even though this has been a tough week, I feel so glad about everything, and I feel so grateful.

    I just know that good things are coming for me! :-)


    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 10:26pm

  359. 359: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    yay Daria I love you!

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 10:49pm

  360. 360: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    156: Rori Raye says:

    Rose, I’m so sorry for the pain of this situation. I wish there was an easy answer – and yet – it’s going to be your determination to create the kind of life and love you want that’s going to make the difference here. If this were me – I’d start feeling and acting single right now, this minute. Don’t argue with him, tell him he’s right about the marriage, and that you love him and freely let him go. Get a LIFE, get friends, go out and have fun, flirt with men, have coffee dates with them – change your look and your hair and your colors, and make sure you have a job you love. Do this NOW, while he’s still there. Learn everything you can here about Circular Dating – and make certain you have an excellent attorney. I can’t promise you that your moving on with your life cheerfully and with excitement is going to reel him back in – but it surely has a WAY better chance than what you’re doing now.

    If ever I wanted to encourage someone to get private coaching – this is it. Right now you’re at a crossroads. You need help with everything from your wardrobe to your words (Feeling Messages are key here), getting in touch with your sensuality and your body are essential (and getting out in public to practice using your new found skills) – and just dealing with your emotional triggers which are being activated every second now. I don’t want you to feel and act “woebegone”! – I want you to find your anger, your core strength, your “diva” attitude, and get on with your life. This is all about attraction – and that’s where your work is right now. You need to get fully attracted to YOU, so that a man can, too. You have your whole life ahead of you. Love, Rori”

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 9:33pm

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 10:59pm

  361. 361: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    note to self

    talking to a man for more than 10 minutes, even when the conversation feels good! feels draining overall

    it would feel lovely to not do that anymore

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 11:00pm

  362. 362: EmersonNo Gravatar says:


    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 11:13pm

  363. 363: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    361 Daria I like

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 11:13pm

  364. 364: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    Linda I’ve let recycledCD back in my life so many times, hence his name. It’s always lather, rinse, repeat same old disappointments and misery. But I still love him . Ugh!!

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 11:16pm

  365. 365: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    Sometimes I want him to know that i still have feelings for him

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 11:17pm

  366. 366: MissStixNo Gravatar says:


    I’ll second your heck yah! It isn’t about “feeling nothing” at news like that…What you wrote right there, that’s what it’s about! To feel those feelings and also feel that resiliency.

    Well…To me anyway 😉

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 11:28pm

  367. 367: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    Hi ….I feel tired. I feel relieved. I feel hopeful. I feel excited…I feel sleepy.

    Thursday, 25 October 2012 @ 11:51pm

  368. 368: MissStixNo Gravatar says:

    Ugggghhh I feel so exhausted but the dog won’t settle down. C’mon dog.

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 12:09am

  369. 369: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Mmmm I’m feeling in pain cuz I didn’t answer last notes CD text when he seemed needy … And I didn’t communicate that I don’t want to text all day . It felt good he was contacting me and I want to limit my attention and energy to my present moment …I sent a smily 3 hours later but haven’t heard from him and

    I feel a sadness that I’m sure is in my vibe that I ‘lost him’

    My mind says I’m not ‘appreciative’ enough of his attention and thus he’s left now

    I feel truggered and fidsappinted I love my not appreciativeness

    I love my non cummunication ness

    I love my sadness and fear and sadness

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 12:41am

  370. 370: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    I feel sad…
    I feel a dull void in my chest…
    what/who am I grieving for?

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 2:08am

  371. 371: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    i love my sadness.
    i am such an Artist
    emotions are my artform.

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 2:20am

  372. 372: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    hot bath + ease-the-tension

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 2:21am

  373. 373: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    i feel fake pretending to love my sadness…
    i don’t love my sadness…i have a mild affection for it.

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 2:51am

  374. 374: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    I feel so hmmmmmm relaxed right now….

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 2:53am

  375. 375: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    April Rose, I can’t find the free reading on Matchmatrix only one for couples that costs $30.00, I only wanted to put in my own birthdate as I have no other part to my couple. *sob

    Do you have the link please?

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 2:58am

  376. 376: IndigoNo Gravatar says:

    Hi ladies

    I’m kind of a newbie here, but I so admire your warm, supportive community and would love to join. I know that what Rori has to say is what I need to hear in my life right now.

    This article was SOOO incredibly timely for me. I am struggling to let go of a two year relationship in which the guy cared for me, but after a few months, started treating me badly. I held on and held on, and couldn’t let go, and now that we have broken up, I am learning.

    It is very hard, but I feel the pain ebbing away little by little. But yes, I still have my days when it is very hard. Baby steps. And I can feel I’ve walked a few little baby steps along the road already.


    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 3:02am

  377. 377: SmileNo Gravatar says:


    I’m letting go a little at a time too. It feels helpful to me that I can do this by letting my energy and love of me carry me forward. This feels easier than letting go.

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 3:07am

  378. 378: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    It feels yuck to be in business mode with him. I need to be to pass on financial information. This is the last tie holding us together.
    I feel proud of me.

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 3:09am

  379. 379: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    Ugh, I feel tension in my head. So much to organise. It feels good that it’s nearly done. I love my boy energy.

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 3:10am

  380. 380: LindaNo Gravatar says:

    re 347….I woke up this morning, I slept well inspite of feeling gut sick when I went to bed. Sometimes I feel like he loves to dangle things in front of people that they cant have. I have purposely let my rest on remembering why he is not for me and unhappy I was with him. The pictures do trigger some not so good memories… like the trip to Florida was absolutely the worst trip in my life! So I get to work…and find that he has sent them to my work email too! OMG. The word narsasitic comes to mind. I think only a person who is that would be so awful like he was when we were together and then 5 months later send me recorded memories of it calling them “good times” and what fond memories he has. THe last thing I remember him uttering to me was ” shut up”! YUCK

    Emerson… thanks for your comment, really the first year of our relationship was on and off again…he doing then I had enough and walked away. 3 months later.. he started contacting me, I let him back in my life… it was a rinse and repeat for sure. I just can never do that again. He said.. in his exit speech… all blamey and manipulative.. yelling at the end… he used the words …”why cant we just say goodbye”?…… now my reponse to that is… “you said goodbye and I now I mean it.

    He gets no more chances with me… how stupid can I be? He never changed.


    I wish I had a wonderful loving man in my life now. I wish I was in a good healthy relationship… It would feel sooo nice to have someone to want and love me.

    Okay.. embracing all my feelings… I will Keep On Walkin….

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 3:27am

  381. 381: LindaNo Gravatar says:

    I dont like sadness. I dont like having tears escape from my eyes… I am a work right now!!!

    sigh …. deep breath !

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 3:32am

  382. 382: SmileNo Gravatar says:


    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 3:35am

  383. 383: IndigoNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you Smile :)

    Every time I feel the pain, I replace it with love for myself. This doesn’t feel real yet, but I have faith that it will be real one day :)

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 4:06am

  384. 384: ruthNo Gravatar says:


    mercedes, Ive done nanowrimo every year since 2007

    its quite liberating-you have to write and not edit

    the first year I procrastinated so much that I ended up writing about 30 thousand words in three days

    My poor arms!

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 4:21am

  385. 385: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    Slather on the love!!!

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 4:22am

  386. 386: ruthNo Gravatar says:


    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 4:22am

  387. 387: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    I forgive myself. I’m doing the best I can in a stressful move. Yey me. Slathering on the love. Thanks for the reminder Tam!

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 4:23am

  388. 388: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    Ruth, I thought of you this morning as I drank my tea from my new tea cup.
    I can’t do park run sat morning. Car got to have exhaust fixed! But I live by the Mersey so going for a run closer to home!!

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 4:25am

  389. 389: LindaNo Gravatar says:

    THANKS! for the hugs I need then !

    Even though I dont like sadness….

    Actually.. this sadness feels better

    than the sadness I felt when he was around.

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 4:37am

  390. 390: TamNo Gravatar says:

    (((Smile)))) :)

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 4:43am

  391. 391: TamNo Gravatar says:

    352 and 353 Daria: ‘like’.
    Holding onto judgments and resentment makes us suffer more than the person on the receiving end of it.
    ‘anger caused more harm in the vessel it is stored than onto which it is poured’.
    Criticism and judgment is directly related to self-criticism and self-judgment.
    It took me months to get my head around this, and much anxiety and tears to realise:
    my anger, disrespect and judgment of other people is what I have against myself.
    I feel better having understood this concept now.
    I realise that not everybody agrees.
    There is a vast amount of literature on this subject…and it all says the same thing.
    When we judge others, we judge our own ‘shameful’ self…..and as we are not inherently shameful, it is destructive to US.

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 4:49am

  392. 392: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    April Rose, don’t worry I found it, no surprise there for me, I am an Emotional Communicator………..

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 4:50am

  393. 393: ruthNo Gravatar says:

    No parkrun for me tomorrow because I have a fabulous marathon to do

    there will be pictures!

    Oh yes

    I have read back and i feel a bit sad

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 4:52am

  394. 394: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    #376 Indigo

    Welcome and stick around, you will learn a LOT, and I mean a LOT!!! :)

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 4:54am

  395. 395: ruthNo Gravatar says:

    389 Linda, thats a pretty cool shift you just did there-about the sadness

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 4:55am

  396. 396: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    #380 ((( Linda )))

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 4:56am

  397. 397: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    #388 Smile

    That’s my hometown river. 😀

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 4:57am

  398. 398: ruthNo Gravatar says:

    are you from the Pool SMB?

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 5:00am

  399. 399: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    I am Ruth, well originally I am though I have not lived there for a very long time but I still have the famous accent. 😀

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 5:07am

  400. 400: TamNo Gravatar says:

    I feel loving. Perhaps I am going totally mad right now, I just feel like I could hug and kiss the whole world….
    I don’t feel particularly happy, just that!
    How strange.
    I wonder: will the men in straight jackets come and take me away soon?
    I feel smiley and giggly now.

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 5:11am

  401. 401: ruthNo Gravatar says:

    I love that place SMB

    we go a couple of times a year

    In fact, it was only 2 weeks ago that i did the liverpool marathon!

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 5:13am

  402. 402: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Sunday is the last good boating day for a while…I am going to miss it though…that’s fine.

    I feel the cooler weather coming which feels a little sad…

    Right now I can’t open my balcony door because Hurricane Sandy is trying to hold it shut on the other side…that’s fine Sandy. I believe you are leaving me soon anyway so you can play a little with my balcony door.

    Feeling a little claustrophobic though..

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 5:14am

  403. 403: ruthNo Gravatar says:

    get a grip tam you hippy;)

    (goes off to hug a tree)

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 5:14am

  404. 404: TamNo Gravatar says:

    hug a palm tree, please, Ruth! Tsk, tsk!
    Feeling frowny! 😉

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 5:15am

  405. 405: ruthNo Gravatar says:

    No palm trees in blighty!

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 5:17am

  406. 406: TamNo Gravatar says:

    405..see?! that’s why I am here :)
    I love palm trees and like to lie underneath them…I fear one of those days a coconut might blow out my lights. Could think od a worse way to go though..

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 5:19am

  407. 407: ruthNo Gravatar says:

    I just spat tea all over the screen reading that!



    Right, well, I am orf to Beachy Head

    (to run , not to fling myself off it)


    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 5:20am

  408. 408: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    Ruth, Im still inspired by your energy.
    Mine will be short and sweet I’m sure!

    Smb, I’m now closer to the source of the river than where it meets the sea! Strummingman shares your accent  I pick it up from work often too.

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 5:22am

  409. 409: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    Ruth, you make me smile 

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 5:23am

  410. 410: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    Tam, I have a cOmedy sketch in my head of you holding onto the palm tree as the hurricane sweeps your legs in the air. Loving the wind swept hair, beautiful x

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 5:26am

  411. 411: FrancescaNo Gravatar says:

    Daria @ 187

    (((((woman emotion transformer)))))


    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 5:27am

  412. 412: FrancescaNo Gravatar says:

    As in tears, of course.

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 5:28am

  413. 413: TamNo Gravatar says:

    497..oops sorry Ruth..yep, don’t fling yourself off it – much like ‘yesterday I stood on the edge of a Cliff and today I am a whole step further’….ermmm…
    I like Cliffs though…ha!

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 5:31am

  414. 414: TamNo Gravatar says:

    410 Smile, hehe..I didn’t feel beautiful, hadn’t slept much the night before and then the messy wind, kind of funny though…yep, holding onto Palm Trees for dear life today…I feel giggly now…

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 5:33am

  415. 415: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Is sandy predicted to hit Florida hard?

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 5:54am

  416. 416: TamNo Gravatar says:

    FW, no not too bad, just a lot of flooding and some roads closed, it is very windy though..just a tropical storm, only the fringes…but I believe when it makes landfall further north it will be pretty strong.
    Thanks for asking :)

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 5:57am

  417. 417: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    I am in New York so I know it will affect us

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 6:07am

  418. 418: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    I just saw AwwrCd in a pic with people and I felt triggered and jealous Even though I don’t even like/don’t feel attracted to AwwrCd.
    Isn’t that weird.
    I feel intrigued by my own jealousy…

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 6:07am

  419. 419: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Indigo. Welcome

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 6:12am

  420. 420: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Oh FW, yes I believe so too regarding the storm…I heard about it on the news, oh I shall send positive vibes and hope it shifts course a little!!

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 6:16am

  421. 421: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    wow….CudG has really pulled away…In fact I would just say he’s gone at this point …I feel self-blamey at certain times. I have still been thinking of him. Absence has made my heart grow fonder . He showed up on FB today..and I felt relieved. Relieved to remember he is a real person and not the-guy-in-my-head.
    I tell myself you can’t do the wrong thing with the right man…

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 6:16am

  422. 422: TamNo Gravatar says:

    421..further to that Heart, it is also totally possible to do the right thing with the wrong man and keep him hanging on to your saddle and look like he may be the right man for a bit. I may have been there, so in some ways that just prolongs the inevitable.
    It all works out like it should.

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 6:19am

  423. 423: IndigoNo Gravatar says:

    # 394 Silver Moonbeam

    Thank you. And I know. I have been lurking reading the comments here for a few weeks, and I admire you all so much!

    And I’m glad I reached out. I need the support. I am learning how to wean myself off pain and turn towards calm and happiness. Ah, I feel ashamed to admit that.

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 6:22am

  424. 424: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    hehe Tam…nicely stated…

    Has anyone read this ebook called Enchant him?
    I received a link to it in my email today and it lead to a video presentation. The lady kept talking about a simple secret! I feel so curious but the whole thing seemed so gimmicky and Icky!

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 6:25am

  425. 425: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Didn’t feel icky or gimmicky to me. I just find it boring listening to the long promotional playing on my curiosity and mystery solving tendency.

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 6:27am

  426. 426: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    Still the tips in the presentation seem true…

    I feel bad for putting down someone’s work..
    I feel guilty and want to compensate for being mean.

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 6:28am

  427. 427: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Heart, no. But in some ways I also feel sick of all these kind of things. When I see what happens when a guy is into me, it feels like I have to do absolutely nothing to enchant anybody…I am just being me now. Seems to be enough?
    Feels quite freeing too, and letting go of those who don’t think my ‘me’ is enough for them.
    Good riddance I say.
    I would like to be enchanted more than I want to enchant anyone these days.

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 6:29am

  428. 428: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    FW – yup that’s it ….thats what I mean by Gimmicky…

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 6:29am

  429. 429: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    “A man does what he must – in spite of personal consequences, in spite of obstacles and dangers and pressures – and that is the basis of all human morality.”

    ― Winston Churchill

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 6:30am

  430. 430: TamNo Gravatar says:

    I have no idea but the title ‘enchant him’ already feels yucky to me. Enchant him? IDK, I feel ‘yuck’ reading this, like ‘try hard to win him’.
    Urgh. No thanks.

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 6:30am

  431. 431: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    Tam – I hear u ^_^

    Still, that video does a good job of making u feel really curious!! I want to know 😀

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 6:34am

  432. 432: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    Ladies, please be careful!

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 6:39am

  433. 433: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    Tam – as Fw says….it plays on your curiosity & mystery solving tendency…rather than your desire to enchant a man.

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 6:40am

  434. 434: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Heart, I am probably just feeling very pragmatic today. A bit like ‘it is what it is’.
    I’d rather be storm chasing and reading a book than solving a mystery…or enchant a man. Ha!!! 😉

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 6:44am

  435. 435: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    Iama – eeek!

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 6:46am

  436. 436: TamNo Gravatar says:

    I feel very ‘blah’ about dating right now, a bit like food that I am not so interested in. I can take it or leave it – makes no difference.
    I feel happy that my friends asked me to go out with them and pick me up this evening, despite the brutal weather….I feel well cared for.
    I feel included and wanted.
    These are positive and nice people. The invitation came just at the right time.
    I feel safe inside with storm and rain pounding…I have made a lovely steaming cup of tea….and am working away on my laptop.
    Life is good, Ladies!
    Yes, it could be better….but it could also be sooooooo much worse. I feel grateful for what and whom I have!!

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 6:46am

  437. 437: LoveAlwaysNo Gravatar says:

    good morning sirens.
    Good article
    My letting go happens like the waves on the shore line… Back and forth . . . Ebb and flow

    It has been a week since hscd and I parted. It feels like a lifetime lost

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 6:52am

  438. 438: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    I feel restless…I feel bored…
    I want CudG…I miss cuddling..I can’t believe I turned him down 3 times essentially…
    He is such a babe..
    Wow I was scared…I felt unhinged and unsafe.
    But something about us was just Off.

    I hope I stop caring soon…and forget about him.

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 6:55am

  439. 439: MercedesNo Gravatar says:

    Daria: I was thinking about our conversation last night and I was wondering why some of the things you said about me didn’t bother me at all and others bothered me a lot. At one point you apologized for saying something and I truthfully told you I didn’t want you to worry about it because I understand that sometimes things we say bring up images to others and that’s okay. Yet other things that were said felt so hurtful to me. I think I get it.

    When you were saying these things:
    “i feel excited to heal images of you sentencing me to death because of not seeing my intrinsic human worth” – it felt to me like simply that. An image of how you feel when someone doesn’t see you in the way you are trying to be seen…of me sentencing you to death. An image. It was nothing more than how that scene played out in your head or heart.

    But when you were saying these things:
    “i feel so sad and pist to have somone flounce Thanking for Triggers”
    “and i feel pist to have it slapped away like an ‘inconsequential girl’ ouch not seen not loved ”

    it felt more like you were accusing me of blowing off something that is important to you just because it is not authentic for me. It felt like you were accusing me of disregarding your feelings when actually, I was just saying how that feels for ME.

    But when you said this:

    ” i don’t seem to care very much that you think so”

    it brought tears to my eyes…and I’m not kidding about that…real tears…because at that point, I (and what I think) was being ‘dismissed’ or ‘slapped away’ if you will. My feelings and thoughts became inconsequential to YOU…the same thing you were accusing ME of doing. Yet at the same time, you were telling me you respect all people the same. It didn’t feel like I was being respected at all.

    It really hurt because I try so hard to say the right things so you will see (and care about) where I’m coming from. But…no matter what I say, in all the years I’ve been coming here, we can’t just disagree, it has to go much deeper than that. I never wanted that for us but I don’t know how to stop it without agreeing with everything…and I’d rather be authentic than say I agree with something, even when I don’t, just so I can avoid conflict. I have a feeling you and I will always say things that cause the other to hurt. I don’t know a way around that. :-(

    You said this: “I want to respect everyone as in choose to treat them with respect.”

    and I like that. It isn’t for me, it takes a little more for someone to get respect from me but…when I complimented you by telling you I respect you (and I really do), instead of thanking me for that, you got upset because in my eyes, you earned that from me. Is it not possible to just respect me for my own point of view and not judge me for how things work in my own heart and brain? I would really like that. “I respect you” was a compliment. “Thank you” would have been nice to hear, but the only “thank you” I ever seem to get is a “thank you for the trigger” right after a very hurtful “riff”. That stings.

    Anyway…just wanted to write to you because you and I have gone back and forth so many times over the years and I hate it. I really, really love how you think and write and use the tools…I love it. I don’t always agree with it and I can’t always feel the same way about things as you do, but…I don’t know…I’ve always liked you. I just don’t like being hurt when I say things you don’t agree with.

    There are others that come here (and that used to come here) that I really don’t like so it doesn’t bother me at all when they say mean things or attack me…I could really care less (and truth be told, sometimes I like to egg them on because I know they should be facing some serious issues. I contemplated writing a book titled “Women Whe Are On a Perpetual Period and Insist On Mixing Medications”….but I digress…).

    But with you, I would love for us to be able to get to a place where we respect each other’s differences and try to learn from each other or at least keep an open mind and heart to where we each come from.

    That’s all on that subject unless you’d like to explore it further. I just wanted you to know I was thinking about it a lot last night and I value your opinion of me and want you to be able to see me even through my differences.

    Much Love,

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 6:57am

  440. 440: MercedesNo Gravatar says:

    338 Annie: Thank you!!! I love feeling understood and supported with compassion. I really, really appreciate that!!

    384 Ruth: WOW! 2007!!!! That is awesome! Did you finish each time? I heard most people don’t actually finish. I still haven’t fully committed (worried about taking time away from J and I to spend writing in another room but he supports it if I want to do it)…I still have 5 days to decide. LOL

    Thanks ladies!

    Much Love,

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 6:59am

  441. 441: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Mercedes, can you se the difference between feeling messages, and your messages? You posted this:
    “i feel so sad and pist to have somone flounce Thanking for Triggers”
    “and i feel pist to have it slapped away like an ‘inconsequential girl’ ouch not seen not loved ”
    (Daria, all feeling messages)

    ‘it felt more like you were accusing me of blowing off something that is important to you just because it is not authentic for me. It felt like you were accusing me of disregarding your feelings when actually, I was just saying how that feels for ME.’

    (not one feeling message, blamey)

    Saying ‘it felt more like you were..’ (not a feeling message), it could translate to ‘I feel misunderstood/unheard etc’

    When, Darias are all feeling messages. She is simply stating how she feels, not accusing you.

    This helps me see when a man gets angry at our feeling messages…soo interesting. MrP got angry at my feeling messages and it even seemed to have promted him to ‘jack it all in’ and go back onto the dating website.

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 7:07am

  442. 442: CalypsoNo Gravatar says:

    Drill Sgt CD is really turning up the heat and I am fascinated with my response to him. I am in a relationship with a nice man who is being good to me, tells me he loves me and who obviously wants me in his life. Why am I letting the attention of another man turn my head? Is it because he is so much younger than me and in rediculously good physical shape? Do I just like the danger of it? Do I just feel “safe” because he is so far away and I think I can get away with this? Is it the thrill of being hunted? I don’t know, but the minute JC dropped me off last night I let the Sgt know I was alone and he called and talked dirty to me until I couldn’t take it any more – this is beyond practicing . . . unless I’m confused about what I’m practicing for! Yikes . . .

    I ask myself, would I be acting this way if I was still in a relationship with GM and the answer is a resounding NO – hmmmmmm . . . I HAVE to keep in mind the RELATIONSHIP I want – that is what JC is offereing me.

    I just don’t see the point of having cake if you can’t eat it too . . .

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 7:14am

  443. 443: MercedesNo Gravatar says:

    Tam: It is very, very rare for me to use a feeling message. I use them sometimes on this blog because the women here like it but it really isn’t authentic for me. I use them authentically with J when I feel it is important. That’s a subject that will spark a whole new debate on here though and one that I’m not ready for today. I just wanted to tell Daria what I was thinking about last night and why it hurt so much.

    Much Love,

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 7:14am

  444. 444: TamNo Gravatar says:

    It would feel so much better to be practicing feeling messages, not egging people on who ‘should’ (eek) ‘look’ at their ‘issues’?
    Eeeek. I feel scared by that. I would feel better if everybody with issues was respected like everybody else, because we all have them? Compassion instead of egging on maybe?
    makes me feel all frowny and my heart beats faster when I read this.
    I might skip those posts now maybe…ooh…frowny frowny….I feel like banging on about Roris rules for posting here.

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 7:14am

  445. 445: MercedesNo Gravatar says:

    Never mind…

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 7:16am

  446. 446: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Mercedes, may I gently ask why you feel this blog helps you and in which way? If you don’t agree with the main purpose?
    I feel curious about this.
    You don’t have to answer if it makes you feel quesy though.

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 7:16am

  447. 447: TamNo Gravatar says:

    queasy even

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 7:16am

  448. 448: BABNo Gravatar says:

    Humm good food for thought.. I definitely see how I do this ans have always done it.
    Where to start? Anyone else struggling with this? And how did you start to break out?

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 7:17am

  449. 449: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    Bab – Sinking in and really feeling all your emotions a couple of times a day Is the only authentic way…

    That way if you are feeling spiteful and blamey and angry…You will feel it…

    You can’t go wrong if you sink and feel….
    And if all you feel is anger and blame thats what you need to say to yourself and feel until it other emotions who up…

    Watch out for the word “You”. Check you insides and you’ll see that when you jump to using that word….there is usually Anger and blame and fear and Agenda under it all.

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 7:23am

  450. 450: MercedesNo Gravatar says:

    Tam: I do agree with the main principles here. Very much so. I’ve put them into practice and I have the relationship I want. I am a “success story” if you will. I credit Rori on my own blog for all to see because I love and honor her work.

    I used the concepts of walking away, circular dating, leaning back and feeling messages with J and I have had him in my life for almost 8 years now and we are incredibly happy.

    I don’t use feeling messages in general. I use them when I believe they are important. I understand the difference between saying “I feel” and saying “It felt more like you were” and I can assure you, I choose my words very carefully and rarely regret them.

    This blog helps me because it gives me a place to use my experiences and history and education to help others. I have Rori’s support in that and we respect and understand that we have completely different communication styles but we truly enjoy each other’s voice. We sometimes disagree (and on some things we disagree SERIOUSLY and we have triggered each other greatly) but for the most part, we do agree and on the overall concept, we GREATLY agree. We have a HUGE difference in our delivery. We LOVE each other for those differences.

    Here is her most recent comment to me on this blog (last post):

    “Mercedes – I’m just SO thrilled to have you and your wonderful voice back here..your blog is inspirational! Love, Rori”

    It was so nice to see that. She knows I love and agree wtih her teachings and that matters most to me. You see how she says “wonderful voice”? And she knows (because I’ve said it plainly a million times), I don’t consistently use feeling messages.

    It actually offends the readers here a lot more than it offends Rori. I find that kind of interesting but it makes me love her all the more.

    Much Love,

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 7:29am

  451. 451: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:


    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 7:32am

  452. 452: MercedesNo Gravatar says:

    FW: Now I have tears again! I think I actually felt that hug!!! :-) Thank you!

    Much Love,

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 7:34am

  453. 453: BABNo Gravatar says:

    Mercedes- I love your take on feeling messages!

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 7:34am

  454. 454: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    Mercedes – you have a blog?

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 7:36am

  455. 455: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    BAB click on her name

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 7:39am

  456. 456: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you for the explanation Mercedes.
    I do feel apprehensive and turned off by the superior vibe and ‘advice’ giving to ‘us’, feels cringey to be thought of as the ‘unenlightened ones’, but I now totally understand why you are on the blog. Because it makes you feel good.
    Like the rest of us, basically, just with a different approach.
    It’s all good.
    It would feel better to think we are all the same on here and not some are ‘experts’ and others have ‘issues’, but if it helpy you with your healing then I feel accepting and understanding of it actually.
    I get it :)

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 7:39am

  457. 457: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Ladies:) Happy Friday, if Friday means something to you!

    Last night I took nice care of myself by cleaning up my apartment, buying myself some needed tools for the winter, and watching a hilarious television show that made me feel so full of laughter and delight.

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 7:41am

  458. 458: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Also, I’m very certain all the B vitamins in my way awesome/complete daily multivitamin that I pay like a bazillion dollars for is causing my breakouts.

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 7:46am

  459. 459: TamNo Gravatar says:

    I felt triggered…now I realise why..also the reason why I felt triggered by the woman with the bikini pictures holding a big fish in hand and saying ‘I am the best Fisherwoman ever’….because I feel triggered by what I perceive as bragging.
    Hm I wonder what that brings up in me to heal.
    Ought I ‘brag’ more and root for myself more? Hmmmmm…strange.
    In fact, I think people blowing their own trumpet have always triggered me…I remember the one posting on fb about being oh so charitable also….that triggered me too…in my book the rule was to do the charity rather than brag about it.
    When actually, there isn’t anything wrong with blowing one’s own trumpet really.
    I wonder…does the self praise come from low or high self esteem..hmmm. Insecurity? Or over confidence? Same as with the posting of millions of bikini pics. Dominique said it could be insecurity…hmmmm….I feel confused.
    I feel accepting of bragging now. Maybe I feel jealous of people who want to hog the limelight, yet I never felt comfortable with taking their space.
    I feel more comfy sitting in a corner quietly and watching…hmmm. Interesting.

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 7:49am

  460. 460: TamNo Gravatar says:

    458 Starla, yes there is a link with B vitamins and breakouts/skin careful

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 7:50am

  461. 461: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Everything in my life is going to be so wonderful:)

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 7:50am

  462. 462: MercedesNo Gravatar says:

    BAB – Thank you SOOOO much!

    Heart – Yup. You can click on my name. But know that I have spent very little time writing there recently and it sort of took an “all over the place” turn so it’s kind of a mess. The first posts are probably the most helpful (or at least the most enlightening as far as how I see relationships…). The most recent post probably the most inspirational (there might be others too). The ones in the middle have the most insight into what I’m like in my day to day life. lol

    Tam – Thank you for understanding. I don’t think of anyone here as unenlightened though so please don’t give the impression to others that that’s how I think. I give advice. I receive advice. I think of it as women helping women. I accept that my advice is taken and not taken and I love that we have a lot of people here who can give different perspectives on someone’s situation. I know that Rori is the only “boy” here and yet I also find it near impossible to ignore a post from a woman who says “what do I do” or “please help me” or “sirens, what do you think”…so I usually don’t. When I’m here, I generally give her MY advice (not always in line with what Rori would say, but Rori isn’t always here to help either) Rori knows she can censor me anytime. We’ve talked about it in the past and she’s only had to do it once because of something I said to EMK. She just made me change it to a feeling message since I was talking to a guy on the blog. Other than that, she hasn’t changed or touched or removed a word I’ve written. Oh…and I don’t think of myself as an ‘expert’ either…not in this area anyway. I am an expert in my field but certainly not in the Rori Way so I’m not here as an expert…I’m here as me.

    Much Love,

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 7:51am

  463. 463: MercedesNo Gravatar says:

    Tam: Mama Gena is great at embracing the bragging. Her groups/followers (not sure what to call them/us) have monthly bragging sessions. You come and you brag about anything and everything. EVERYONE brags. It’s really cool to reach that place where you can do it. Feels nice and always makes me laugh. Also, I think it helps (me) with being happy for other’s success/happiness/good fortune/beauty…instead of being jealous of it.

    Much Love,

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 7:55am

  464. 464: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    :) Mama Gena :). I feel kinda open thinking of her.

    I ‘learned’ bragging is ok… Encouraged… From her too

    Hence Daria is awesome! :)

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 8:06am

  465. 465: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Lessons in bragging sounds cool.

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 8:07am

  466. 466: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    I’m feeling a little sad and a little panicked that it seems I have a bed bug. And I already did intensive laundering w vinegar.

    So maybe it’s in my pjs, I didn’t change those.

    I think it’s in this blanket my friend gave me though.

    And I want to do my full laundry and vacuum and I feel overwhelmed.

    Oh! It would feel fun to create a fun game so my LG (little girl) has fun doing it.

    Thank you Daria for brushing my hair last nite.

    Thank you for getting me water.

    Thank you for caring about being bitten

    Thank you for having great boundaries w men.

    It would feel great to do a big T-tapp stretch.


    I have a 5 pm CD that confirmed and he’s gona cook for me.

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 8:11am

  467. 467: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Mama Genas books are PDF reader style abd they’re only like $8 . I feel so excited about that, i love when things feel particularly easy accessible

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 8:13am

  468. 468: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    I feel a lil worried to share this, that while she had enormous female empowerment, pleasure and extravagance ok power for me…

    I felt kinda confused that she seemed to have leaned forward to get her husband… Abd then wow I felt a bit surprised but also kinda more ‘safe’ when they divorced a few years ago.

    Roris tools are the real deal for relationship, even awesome women and pleasure loving rockstars like Mama Gena would benefit

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 8:16am

  469. 469: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    i called my old job at the pro-pot campaign to RSVP for their election night party, and the whole office squealed and cheered that I was on the phone and that I was coming.

    Awwww it was like a sincere burst of gaggling geese love

    i feel so special hehe

    yes yes life is going to be just fine

    sorry to be spamming…

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 8:28am

  470. 470: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Wow wow wow wow

    I feel absolutely shocked by some of what I am reading.


    Slathering on the love

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 8:32am

  471. 471: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:


    I feel that way when I see your name here!!!

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 8:34am

  472. 472: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    ahhhhhhh LG, that makes me feel SO GOOD to read

    eeeeeeek i am just swimming in love today

    i want to share with everyone 😀

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 8:38am

  473. 473: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    I feel highly disturbed reading this

    “There are others that come here (and that used to come here) that I really don’t like so it doesn’t bother me at all when they say mean things or attack me…I could really care less (and truth be told, sometimes I like to egg them on because I know they should be facing some serious issues. I contemplated writing a book titled “Women Whe Are On a Perpetual Period and Insist On Mixing Medications”….but I digress…).”

    Wow wow wow

    I feel like giving up

    Why do I even try?

    Oh well, slathering on the love.

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 8:39am

  474. 474: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Yay yesterday’s Cd that I liked texted me ‘Goodmorning Princess”

    Aww. Wooh. I was feeling triggered was obsessing a bit .


    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 8:50am

  475. 475: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Ohhhh a whole group of ppl squeakig and cheering that im coming feels soooo good to me oh yay.

    I want that, all the time! Thanks life! Thanks Daria!

    Thanks Starla for the trigger/inspiration.

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 8:53am

  476. 476: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    I’ve feel relieved because I’ve decided that I’m going to keep my focus on me today and not let disturbing and crappy feeling things distract me or suck my energy.

    Just going to focus on loving me and loving people around me who want to be play in a civil way with me.

    I am going to filter.

    I Am Going To Filter!!!!

    I feel so excited to say that.

    Slathering on the love. Soothing myself. Taking care of me.
    Loving my family. Loving my dear friends.

    I don’t want or need to make others feel bad to feel good about myself. That feels good to acknowledge. I don’t want to play this game.

    I don’t want to worry about trying to gain the approval or to try to ‘get others to understand me’

    I don’t want to put others down to prove a point.

    I don’t want to get into a masculine energy debate.

    I can just let it all go and take a step forward into the sunshine.

    Just gonna keep loving me no matter what little jabs are coming my way. Just keep loving me.

    Soft on the outside, strong on the inside.

    Trusting my boundaries.

    I know what feels healthy for me to be around.

    Saying no to toxic relationships.

    Don’t have to ‘make them wrong’. Can just say “no, this doesn’t feel good to me and I’m not going to participate.”

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 8:58am

  477. 477: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    I was actually lying awake in bed worried the other night that I would have to go out of my way to ask the campaign for information about the party, and invite myself, and that maybe they didn’t want me there (hahaha oh goodness, my mind… my self esteem)

    don’t listen to those nasty voices. they sent me an invite today and were CELEBRATING that i am coming.

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 9:00am

  478. 478: TamNo Gravatar says:

    LG, wuhoo, that resonated and feels soothing to read :)

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 9:00am

  479. 479: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Eek we just talked and now he wants to talk to me again when he’s on the road.

    But I feel better to have a fixed date time (he asked when I’m free but didn’t set the time rite now)

    I don’t really want to chop it up on the phone w CDs. Tho it does feel good they’re thinking of me and want to see me.

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 9:01am

  480. 480: TamNo Gravatar says:

    I feel amused.
    Ever since my letter and the blocking of a certain person and all related posts on facebook (which feels soooo soothing), a certain person has been sitting online in my chat programme 24/7 more or less.
    It’s like ‘ can block me all you like, but I am in your face NOW’…
    I feel smiley. I feel silly for making things up.
    I mostly feel: unfazed.

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 9:06am

  481. 481: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    Tam – I might be over-stepping my bounds..but people on FB brag all the time…In fact most FB posts are essentially bragging.
    Maybe your triggering was connected to Mr.P? He commented on both the women’s posts…

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 9:10am

  482. 482: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Although I do have to say something…

    I feel appalled seeing women on this site being referred to this way.

    I feel tears welling up in my eyes.

    I feel angry.

    I feel disgusted.

    “There are others that come here (and that used to come here) that I really don’t like so it doesn’t bother me at all when they say mean things or attack me…I could really care less (and truth be told, sometimes I like to egg them on because I know they should be facing some serious issues. I contemplated writing a book titled “Women Whe Are On a Perpetual Period and Insist On Mixing Medications”….but I digress…).”

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 9:12am

  483. 483: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    I feel embarassed to talk about this and I talked to No Name CD last nite. I’ve been leaning back heavily .

    He’s the one that became a first time lover before I left.


    Well he said he wants to see me on Saturday and take me to the movies.

    Then he says ‘or do you want to go half on a Telly like last time’

    Ummmm…. We did Not go half on a Telly lol. He paid for it And took me out to the movies. It felt super romantic.

    Now I remner that he Did ask me if I had the money to go half on a Telly and I said no, and he said ok don’t worry he’ll take care of it.

    I remember now I never made it clear that I wouldn’t Want to go half on the Telly if I did have the money for it in hand.

    Oops. I feel sad thinking he will poof if I tell him I don’t want to pay on dates. :(

    Maybe he won’t. But I feel kinda scared and put off a bit.

    I also notice he called me back after that convo like agreed, but I was busy abd missed it and didn’t call back.


    What I said to the Telly thing was

    ‘no! *surprise voice* I don’t wana do thaat!!?’

    And he’s like why not

    And I’m like

    ”that doesn’t feel good!!’. Laughing almost surprise voice

    I didn’t wind up talking about why – bec I don’t want to pay on dates – cuz he had to go and I missed when he called back.

    Ack I feel scared a bit, I feel mmyself holding on to some of these men I don’t want to do that

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 9:12am

  484. 484: TamNo Gravatar says:

    480…actually, no Heart. It peeves me off constantly. If I was to share that constantly, you’d get even more groungy posts from me than you are already getting…
    since schooldays. I feel ‘less than’ in the company of ‘braggers’, like it’s some kind of competition I don’t want to be part of….yet I feel I ought to join in?
    I still remember the kids in school that were ‘all mouth’ and I just wanted to hit them.
    I feel embarrased by this admission…eeek.
    The Presidential debates – I don’t even watch them as they make me feel physically nauseous.

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 9:15am

  485. 485: BABNo Gravatar says:

    Realizing after watching Anderson live why I have such an issue w my bf every time he brings up money.. I used to watch my parents grip over money when doing the bills and my mom always taking more then my dad for there weekly needs, I used to think this was so u fare of her, to leave him with almost nothing.. Now Im Realizing Iam turning my bf into my dad when he says we should make budgets and save and not spend so much on going out.
    I distinctly remember my dad yelling at my mom because of how much she would take us out to at during the week for fun. (McDonald’s of all places) lol
    Aww man something I never thought of before. Yuck

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 9:15am

  486. 486: TamNo Gravatar says:

    481 LG, that bit triggered me beyond belief also but I decided to let it go as I wanted to feel good and not aggravated made my heart beat faster.

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 9:16am

  487. 487: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    i found myself resorting to snark whenever feeling triggered or when i was in a disagreement with someone. I’d be snarky to them or about them. Or sometimes just cuz I felt like I knew better than they did, and they were just wrong. There didn’t have to necessarily be an active arguement going on.

    Then I discovered that I was doing this to fill a hole where my personality was supposed to be. Where I was supposed to be strong and self assured in and entertained by myself, I instead attacked others. It was pretty sneaky… no one noticed I was just doing this because I was an extremely boring hole of a person who needed to point out my contrast with each other with enough enthusiasm to cover up the fact that I wasn’t totally in touch with my own identity, lol. Oops. Not sure who I was trying to convince… mostly myself, I suppose.

    Life feels a lot more intriguing now that I’ve let most of my snarkiness go.

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 9:19am

  488. 488: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    I do not want to be spoken to that way.

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 9:19am

  489. 489: MercedesNo Gravatar says:

    BAB – Money can be such a touchy subject and I think much of that (for most of us) comes from our experiences as a child. That kind of thing really seems to stick wtih us and carry over into adulthood.

    For me, it translated into not being able (wanting to, being willing to, having a desire to???) share finances with a man. Even when I was married, I had my own account. The “financial independence” thing is so important to me. And…I think it’s because we grew up incredibly poor. Nobody had any money. I vowed I would never live that way so I make sure I have my own money and that if anything ever happens, I can take care of myself.

    So…I get it…triggers over money translating into relationships. That’s me too.

    Much Love,

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 9:19am

  490. 490: TamNo Gravatar says:

    480, and Heart, my friend, the one that I felt upset with the other day. She is also like that.
    She will often say ‘I am the best, the most beautiful, best dressed bla bla’.
    I find myself feeling super aggressive, and feel put down. Sometimes I feel it is directed at me as if she needs to put herself on a pedestal. I have to literally stop myself lashing out when she gets into one of those bragging rants….I sing ‘lalalalalalalalala’ in my head and blank it out.

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 9:21am

  491. 491: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Starla, agreed on that. Jeepers, I used to lash out – subliminally and sometimes very openly – but it never made me feel any better in the long term.
    I much more prefer the mellow, compassionate approach (doesn’t always work but most times)

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 9:23am

  492. 492: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    486 Tam

    Thanks for the reminder Tam. I don’t want to dwell on it. If anything it’s practice for how to speak up and say “I don’t want to be talked to that way”. I guess Rori next rec would be to walk away and do something nice for ourselves. :-)

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 9:23am

  493. 493: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you, Starla, for feeding me a big, delicious apple.
    Thank you for accepting a snack bar from my coworker
    Thank you for dusting off my car this morning
    Thank you for dressing me in one of my favorite tshirts
    Thank you for taking off early this afternoon for my wax appointment
    Thank you for making sure I spend time with a dear friend tonight.
    Thank you for brushing my teeth

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 9:33am

  494. 494: TamNo Gravatar says:

    LG Tam’s unqualified advice:
    put hands over ears or eyes and sing ‘lalalalalalalalalalalala’ loudly for a few seconds….and then it’s all gone away. :)

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 9:36am

  495. 495: Goddess LilyNo Gravatar says:


    A lot of what you say you feel about bragging resonates with me. I feel similarly….often….and why? Because I feel less than that person. But why? Because I wish I had their confidence? No one and I mean no one in my real life understands how I can not be confident. They are confused that I’m not arrogant. For a long time I thought this meant I was grounded but really it’s a lack of self esteem. This blog is helping me see that and see why I get triggered by certain things.

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 9:37am

  496. 496: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Tam: Haha! I’ll try it.

    I feeling curious now. I would love to see a post with you just bragging your heart out. Just for fun to see how it feels.

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 9:38am

  497. 497: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    i would like to see you just bragging your heart out too.

    actually, i want to see all of us doing this. 😀

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 9:39am

  498. 498: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Maybe not bragging. Maybe just sharing things that you feel proud of about yourself.

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 9:39am

  499. 499: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    I’m having a memory of being told not to brag when I was a kid.

    Don’t brag. It’s unbecoming.

    I want to brag! I just don’t want to put others down in the process.

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 9:41am

  500. 500: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    K, who’s gonna start?

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 9:42am

  501. 501: MercedesNo Gravatar says:

    Dominique!!! I got a new cookbook today!! “Tagine – spicy stews from Morocco”!! I’m soooo excited! J bought me a tagine about a year or so ago and I’ve had tons of fun with it (and made some amazingly good – and yet scary – dishes. Putting crazy things together that sound horrible but taste amazing is my new way of cooking. lol). This book will serve as inspiration for even more experimentation with flavors and sauces! Yay!! I’m happy, happy, happy!!!! :-) :-) :-)

    Much Love,

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 9:42am

  502. 502: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    I feel sick. I saw a post by strummingmans mum on fb. she hardly ever shows up in my newsfeed.
    The sick feeling has passed now. It was just unexpected.

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 9:48am

  503. 503: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    Tam – well bragging turns me off IF it doesn’t ring true…I feel embarassed for the person and feel as if they lack confidence. I like arrogance if it fits…Some people are delusion and it irritates me because I just see it as lying or like creating a false reality…and they need me to agree in order to make their delusions true. Ick.

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 9:48am

  504. 504: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    oh wow! yay Daria

    remember that CD i said was the handsomest online while i was gone, and even put his pic up on Siren Island?

    well… haha

    we had that great convo and then i forgot all about him as i didn’t hear from him

    and nwo he resurfaced saying soemthing online

    wow! i TOTALLY FORGOT ABOUT HIM i feel good with my focus staying on myself


    helps put last nite’s pineyness into perspective, i could forget about those guys too in an instant

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 9:48am

  505. 505: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    I vote that Tam starts

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 9:49am

  506. 506: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    “One of the most fun and effective tools I learned through Mama Gena ( is “bragging.” It’s not about boasting or putting others down, it’s about celebrating and acknowledging the good in your life. Once you join MGs class, you join an online community in which you can practice this fine art, as well as support and encourage other women by “upriding” their posts. “Uprides” usually go something like this: “You are so AMAZING! Brilliant, briliant, brilliant! You’re the most incredible goddess ever!” Reading other women’s brags is uplifting and energizing, and celebrating other women’s victories in this way, in my opinion, is downright revolutionary! For the most part, women have not been taught to celebrate ourselves and other women this passionately. To create a community in which women support, cheer on and truly celebrate all the wonderful things in our lives is a MAJOR step towards world peace.”

    ~Sarah Granby

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 9:52am

  507. 507: MercedesNo Gravatar says:

    “I brag…”

    Throughout the month, Mama Gena and her Palace Gang will be reading your brags, looking for the hottest, most succulent, juiciest Brag of the Month. At the end of the month, Mama Gena will announce your brag in the Global Forums, so that the entire community on can read it and celebrate your success. Forget Ed McMahon coming to your door – THIS is the moment you’ve been waiting for! Join today so you don’t miss a single brag!

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 9:52am

  508. 508: BABNo Gravatar says:

    Mercedes- Ohhh yes! I’m the 4th oldest out of 8 kids, my dad had three job and my mom had ones swells homeschooling us. Never asked for anything growing up unless I was asked for deals for Xmas bday a etc. I always saved my money and used it for me and as I got older for my younger siblings, not wanting them to feel the way I did growing up.
    I have no problem having joint accounts and sharing finances now, but that’s partially because I feel if I’m not in charge of it or have access to all our bills and such it not get taken care of.. Controller, oh yes.
    And partly because I feel deadly afraid of, as I put it being screwed if the relationship ends, I totally see how this is an underlining mistrust that needs to be address… :/

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 9:55am

  509. 509: Rori RayeNo Gravatar says:

    LG – am I missing a slew of comments that I need to monitor? Someone point me, please if that’s true…(LG – I took out the words that landed you in moderation!) Love, Rori

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 9:59am

  510. 510: TamNo Gravatar says:

    LG, Goddess Lily, Heart at al… I feel uncomfortable bragging but let me see how I feel later..maybe brave enough for a bragging post?
    How about you all?

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 10:03am

  511. 511: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Starla!! Ok then

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 10:04am

  512. 512: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    Tam – I feel uncomfy bragging too…

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 10:04am

  513. 513: TamNo Gravatar says:

    I am amazing. And cute and humorous.
    And and and (this is hard)…..ermmm…..

    A petite cutesy feminine GODDESS!!!!!

    I did it, I did it.
    (was that ok?)

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 10:06am

  514. 514: MercedesNo Gravatar says:

    BAB – Yup…I have all that too. Middle child of 9 children. :-) I’m okay with how I handle money now though. I realize it isn’t for everyone and I could choose to try to “heal” it but…I kind of like it. I don’t see a need to change it because it isn’t hurting me (but if it ever does, I’ll do whatever it takes to heal).

    I actually have a boyfriend who is super cool with me keeping my own money and not having our finances combined. He makes a lot of money and has had his own issues with women wanting him for the money and so he’s fine knowing that isn’t me (at all!!). I make a good living (although NOTHING like his and have had my fair share of financial problems in the past) and have no need to combine with his. It’s all good for me.

    That said…If I felt this was hurting us or me, I would certainly look into clearing myself of those beliefs. For now, I’m just super lucky to have a man who is supportive of me so I can heal the wounds that run much deeper than this one. :-)

    Large families….what they do to us as adults….lol

    Much Love,

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 10:06am

  515. 515: TamNo Gravatar says:

    ((((Smile))) I blocked out everything on fb likely to upset me..I still check pages, but person(s) blocked comments don’t show up.
    The only snag…if someone who is blocked likes something and is the only one, it shows up when you hover over it as a like but saying ‘nobody likes this’, thus turning the blocked person into ‘nobody’. I feel a little mischievous over this..and giggly, so I hovered my mouse over it a few times…and kept thinking ‘nobody’ ..hehehe…
    I felt amused for a long time..

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 10:08am

  516. 516: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i realize i judge and feel uncomfortable with my ‘hood self .

    the bragging ‘cocky’ one

    sometiems someone can push a button and out it comes oops

    and i feel afraid of being judged

    cuz its so over the top brash and arrogant

    and it feels so charged up

    but i feel AFRAID

    i know it’s ‘intense’ and not soft and peaceful, and … it can push men away or scare them or turn them off

    esp ones whos own ‘brashness’ is not as much as mine – which is a lot. hardcore. and i feel happya bout taht

    so it felt great to realize how i judge and shut myself down around this with other night’s cd ,who was encouraging me and pushing these buttons

    he wasn’t judging me, but i was

    he ‘held space’ for me really well


    i don’t want to judge myself on this anymore!

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 10:09am

  517. 517: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Yay Tam! that felt so lovely to read!

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 10:11am

  518. 518: TamNo Gravatar says:

    517 – thank you D

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 10:11am

  519. 519: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    Tam – Rofl!

    Sirens – should I unfriend CudG?

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 10:12am

  520. 520: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    that was awesome!

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 10:18am

  521. 521: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    Btw – I ran into this guy and I kinda gave him the brush off cuz I was super busy…

    Usually when I meet him I am open and warm…but this time I didnt feel like being nice …and then he wrote me asking me to meet up.

    Also – I unfriended this guy who never responded to message I sent him 2 months ago and then he just wrote me asking for “help”…I feel like being Mean or cold actually makes me step up more than being a siren? Thoughts?

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 10:18am

  522. 522: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Starla :)

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 10:19am

  523. 523: MissStixNo Gravatar says:

    412 Francesca

    HA! You stopped me in my tracks on that one! :) Funny lady.

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 10:20am

  524. 524: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    Tam – sorry for laughing….I thought u were being sarcastic…
    Awesome brag…

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 10:21am

  525. 525: Rori RayeNo Gravatar says:

    Mercedes, Daria, all – I have to jump in here because there’s a dust up and I want to put in my two cents. One, Mercedes, I so LOVE having you here stirring things up, and so I’ve written an entire post about what I think, here….and Daria, thank you for the words “Thank you for the trigger….” Love, Rori

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 10:22am

  526. 526: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    513 tam!!! Yey, that felt beautiful to read. Xxx

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 10:23am

  527. 527: MissStixNo Gravatar says:

    427 Tam

    Amen sista!

    Couple days ago I learned I don’t want to “enchant” or influence anyone!

    I guess…That doesn’t mean I am not enchanting 😉 It just means my main goal is to be true to me, and simply allow others to be true to themselves. I want to change and influence nobody.

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 10:25am

  528. 528: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    Mercedes, money growing up. Ouch yup. I always get triggered over money in relationships!!! Slathering a lot of love over the resentment I let built up. ((my control over money))

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 10:26am

  529. 529: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Heart – i feel confused I see it as totally sireny to unfriend a guy who hasn’t contacted me i do it also

    Rori says to not add men you date on facebook and that feels better for me… facebook is my space for friends fam, interests, not men im dating

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 10:29am

  530. 530: TamNo Gravatar says:

    527 Miss Stix..ditto

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 10:31am

  531. 531: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    haha trigger to defensive?

    i enchant men haha totally en- chant= song like siren yay


    my words are medicine for your soul

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 10:34am

  532. 532: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    Daria – that is so true.

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 10:36am

  533. 533: MissStixNo Gravatar says:


    I <3 reading you.

    That is all.

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 10:40am

  534. 534: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    Gosh….I should unfriend CudG…it hurts unfriending him.
    But having him on my FB is making me hold on….and when he starts seeing other women it will hurt…

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 10:41am

  535. 535: MissStixNo Gravatar says:

    mmm daria! Yummy. I do so admire you…I think I enchant men too 😉 Siren song radiating out and across the whole planet.

    But I will call it natural and accidental. I don’t feel comfortable calling intentional.

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 10:44am

  536. 536: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks Miss Stix

    hehe mine is def intentional tho


    i love it!

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 10:46am

  537. 537: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i enjoy my power to attract men irresistably

    Goddess power attracting all the Gods

    yum yum i feel trhillll

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 10:47am

  538. 538: BABNo Gravatar says:

    I have the most adorable little angle asleep in my arms, I love my job it forces me to be understanding, loving, sensitive and slow to anger. Somedays more challenging then others… Lol yea little girls. It’s crazy how as little girls we use feeling messages alot (at least these three girls do) wonder where that got lost?

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 10:48am

  539. 539: janeNo Gravatar says:

    i need advise please. when i met lenny he had told me in the begaining he wants no love no relasinship, 4 months down the road he told me he loved me and then he moved in, then a few months later we got n a arguement and we both said things that was not kool, then all of a sudden he said to me that it,s over, well not true, he did move out, but he said he just wants to be friends with benifits, and i told him no im not that type of women, so we started to see each other again and now we see each other alot he stays for a week or to then go.s home for a day or too, then back,i dont understand if he dosent want no feelings or a relasinship why r u still here with me?, i no he still cares, and somtimes i even feel he still loves me why is he still sticking around, he do,s make it clear that he wants no felings or a relasinship he wants just friends with benifits why is he still here? the way he makes love to me i no he still cares a great deal for me, so how can i make this man forgive me for saying the things did> and how can i get this out of his head friends with beifits, also he keeps asking me for a 3 some i keep telling him im not the one to do this im not into women, and i do no if he loved me he wouldt even ask me for this but this is his fantsay yes it is every man fantasy but like i said im not the one, i do think about doig this for him cause i do love this man with all myheart, but i will not disrespect myself like that, but i would do ANYTHING for this man, so how can i get us back to where we were? in lv an happy,i just want him to love me the way he used to.i love this man very deeply. and there r times i feel he still loves me i feel it when we make love, he also told me that he is trying to push me away from loving him, so if he s doing this why is he still in my life? ,lie i said i feel in my heart when we makelove he still loves me, so please help me and tell me how i can make him fall back im=n deep lv with me again,thank u jane

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 10:48am

  540. 540: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    Miss Stix & Daria- enchant, magnetize’re on a relationship blog using phrases from a dvd called Modern Siren…

    neither of you were naturally this way…you were coached to be that way….just saying.

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 10:51am

  541. 541: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    hmm i feel defensive

    i prefer to think i’m naturally this way, including finding resources that work for me hehe

    conscious choosing is natural

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 10:55am

  542. 542: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i want to keep that in mind about natrual and conscious choice and help me heal judgement of people and myself

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 10:58am

  543. 543: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    I feel unsure about what to say..
    I feel a tightness in my tummy.

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 11:00am

  544. 544: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i choose to feel good about being aware of and making use of my power of attraction

    and i choose to feel good about using my conscious choice to choose ways i want to express myself and tools to help me feel good

    yayah :)

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 11:07am

  545. 545: DariaNo Gravatar says:


    “:: Your Portable Comfort Zone ::

    Unconventional, creative parenting can be great fun!
    It can also be overwhelming as you’re constantly
    facing the unknown and stepping outside your
    “comfort zone.”

    To ease your journey, try bringing your comfort zone
    with you, so to speak, by creating a list of comforts
    — simple, soothing/energizing activities you can do
    whenever you feel overwhelmed.

    Write the list on a small card and carry it in your
    wallet or pocket. Here’s a sample list:

    * Take a hot bath
    * Take a brisk walk
    * Find a quiet place
    * Sing/Dance with favorite album
    * Call best friend
    * Think about my beloved childhood pet
    * Read ‘The Daily Groove’ :)

    Be sure to include things you can do with your kids,
    things you can do away from home, and at least one
    thing you can do entirely in your mind. Don’t list
    comforts that have negative side-effects. Keep it
    simple and easy.

    Whenever you start to feel overwhelmed, just scan your
    comfort list and choose the most practical one, given
    your situation. With practice, you’ll find that you
    can dissolve your stress with as little as 30 seconds
    of deliberate self-comforting!

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 11:09am

  546. 546: MercedesNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you Rori! I’m excited to read your post!! (and I promise to do my very best – as always – to keep you from having to put my posts into moderation) :-)

    Much Love,

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 11:10am

  547. 547: MercedesNo Gravatar says:

    I mean comments…not posts. lol

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 11:11am

  548. 548: MercedesNo Gravatar says:

    Daria: “and i choose to feel good about using my conscious choice to choose ways i want to express myself and tools to help me feel good”

    LOVE that!

    Much Love,

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 11:12am

  549. 549: MercedesNo Gravatar says:

    Smile – 528 – Yup…I feel ya girl! I’m not so triggered by it right now but if something happened and I had to be with a different man than I have right now, I’d most certainly have all that stuff come up again. :-) It’s okay though…it’s who we are.

    Much Love,

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 11:16am

  550. 550: DariaNo Gravatar says:


    i feel sad i feel angry and ‘diggin my heels’ and ‘resistant’

    i love my feelings!

    thank you for the trigger !


    mmm feels good to say i love my feelings

    and i feel seen !

    thank you!

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 11:19am

  551. 551: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Wow, I am amazing, and my company is lucky to have me.

    Because I know Portuguese, I was able to catch a translation error that could have cost us $90k.

    They are really, really lucky

    Aaaand I think my favorite thing to brag about is how many languages I know, haha

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 11:22am

  552. 552: MissStixNo Gravatar says:

    I think of “enchanting” as men feeling drawn to me naturally in spite of how I look, or how I feel about me. I don’t have to “do” or say anything, or be anything. It is not something I learned… I’ve never actually had a lack of this. Even when I weighed 180 lbs. I look back and think of all the many many men that desired me, flirted with me. I feel a little pity for that girl who would then get all caught up in her low self esteem and PUSHED those men away. So…I can’t credit rori or anyone for any part of how “enchanting” I may be.

    Allowing myself to believe the above is true, what I don’t “do” in relationships, and how I express and communicate my feelings are all Rori.

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 11:22am

  553. 553: Goddess LilyNo Gravatar says:

    513- yay for the new bragging Tam. I feel proud and inspired.

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 11:23am

  554. 554: Goddess LilyNo Gravatar says:

    I am thinking I want to add something to my match profile about how I feel about winking. Like saying I feel confused about winking. Like if I saw it in person, I would wonder if the man had something in his eye. What do you think?

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 11:26am

  555. 555: MissStixNo Gravatar says:

    Mmm I choose to believe my negative behaviors were learned. My positive behaviors feel more natural. I visualize my negative behaviors, beliefs, and actions as “skins” and I see me shedding those skins to get down to the true me. I learn to release. I visualize that moment I had when I finally broke the surface and saw my first glimpse of the real me…Wow. I was hiding from her. Then I visualize the incredible expansion type growth I have been experiencing and all the skins that have come off in this process. mmmm I am removing layers, not building them up. Oh that icky icky feeling slimey slippery layer. So glad to see you gone. I do not feel sad to release the “I do, to get” layer.

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 11:31am

  556. 556: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Goddess Lily – no that feels bad to me. I wouldn’t add that.

    I feel better to just smile w pleasure when I get winks and move on to answering more direct messages

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 11:34am

  557. 557: MissStixNo Gravatar says:

    I practice and learn and expand and grow to get….? What am I seeking? ….

    Oh mmmmmmmm YES! I seek the seeking itself. I like that.

    I am here because I like it here. I like finding more and more ways to feel. More and more ways to be more authentic to me. This is my reason for rarely talking about the man anymore. hmmm…Yes, I do talk about him a bit. I believe I am always seeking ways to feel authentically for me or change my behavior to suit my own comfort, and not a mans.

    I say it all the time, and I will keep saying it…I feel deep respect and awe for others and their purposes and reasons and it’s not up to me to speak for them.

    And yeah…I do feel irritation to see attempts at speaking for me. I thank any and all for this. It helps me immensely to sink into what I really need and want and what I am doing here.

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 11:41am

  558. 558: MissStixNo Gravatar says:

    Oh I feel pleasure! My thoughts and visualizations brought me back to the very topic of this thread. Excellent.

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 11:49am

  559. 559: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    oh i wonder if my pineyness last nite with somewhat obsessive thoughts was from eating processed oil food

    and my mom seems to not be feeling well and i get the idea that it might be from cooking with processed oil again, while in Romania i had us on extra virgin oils.

    i want some unrefined oils my family feels comfortable using

    also i notice that when food is prepared with attention and love, and even when i enjoy it with love and pleasure it feels healing no matter what

    i wonder if the oil issue is more about it being processed without attention and love than about it being processed at all

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 11:52am

  560. 560: MercedesNo Gravatar says:

    MissStix: I like your comment 556 a lot!! :-)

    Much Love,

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 11:52am

  561. 561: MissStixNo Gravatar says:

    This is my letting go painting. Giant brush strokes of purple and yellow and green. This is what letting go looks like to me.

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 11:53am

  562. 562: Goddess LilyNo Gravatar says:

    555- Daria,

    I started out that way but the more winks I getwith no words, to back them up, the more I start to lose faith that the men will step up. The only emails I get now are from men outside my age range.

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 11:53am

  563. 563: MissStixNo Gravatar says:

    Rah! I wanna cover my body in paint and smear and roll and splatter and slap paint all over the giant canvas of my life.

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 11:55am

  564. 564: BABNo Gravatar says:

    I just got that familer prickly feeling when my bf called and told me he was talking w his mom last night and telling her how frustrated he was with his bill situation andvthatvthey are honna get together this weekend to figure something out… Why do i get so jealous and uncomfortable to the point of judging him over this. My head keeps saying why are you calling your mom, you’re 24 yrs old?! I don’t know how to act in these moments, should I encourage, be silent or ask questions?? Everything feels so off about it!?

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 11:55am

  565. 565: MissStixNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks mercedes :)

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 11:56am

  566. 566: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Goddess Lily – hmm i would perspective shift.

    like “so what?”

    adding no winks issues is kinda like controlling the situation

    men Will step up, when i relax in my vibe

    i would open up another site, that usually does a vibe shift for me

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 12:07pm

  567. 567: MissStixNo Gravatar says:


    In this situation I might choose to look at why I felt prickly about him receiving assistance from his mom when he is in need.

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 12:08pm

  568. 568: MercedesNo Gravatar says:

    MissStix: This reminds me of a color run:

    “This is my letting go painting. Giant brush strokes of purple and yellow and green. This is what letting go looks like to me.”

    Have you ever done one? I haven’t personally but I have a lot of friends who have and I WANT to!! I think J and I are going to do it next year. We don’t exactly plan that far in advance (heck…we don’t know what we’re doing TONIGHT) but we both thought it looked so fun and beautiful…

    Anyway…if you haven’t heard of it, google it. You’ll love the pictures I think and you’ll see why your comment made me think of that. :-)

    Much Love,

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 12:09pm

  569. 569: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Rori: 409

    Thanks for asking. :-)

    I landed myself in moderation intentionally because I’m feeling confused about the posting guidelines and not sure what to do when I read something that seems to fall way outside of them. I have a feeling that your upcoming post will shed some more light on the topic.

    Thanks for creating this amazing space and wanting to make it a safe place for us to practice. I appreciate you way more than words can even say!


    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 12:11pm

  570. 570: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    missstix 562
    that is awesome

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 12:12pm

  571. 571: MercedesNo Gravatar says:

    BAB: My ex-husband did that kind of thing. I don’t really have any advice but I do have empathy. He called his mother for everything and sometimes I wanted him to talk to ME about it instead of her.

    Anyway, I don’t know that there’s anything you need to do. He’ll do what feels comfortable for him and nothing will really change that but…I know how uncomfortable that can feel for a woman. So…just…know that I know.

    Much Love,

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 12:13pm

  572. 572: BABNo Gravatar says:

    Because I don’t trust her, she always strata him wrong and degrades him at every turn, going so far as to telling him to his face that she should have aborted him. My heart hurts to think that he may be getting suckered by her again. Also because I wish he would come to me over going to her whenever he has problems, I almost always hear about it second hand. Makes me feel afraid she’s more important and that he values her above me.. Ugg my fear of rejection also low self worth… I feel happy tho he told me, but I could hear the sadness in his voice when I obviously didn’t respond how he wanted/hoped. That’s just my guess tho, and I know that’s not my business what he’s thinking, but I feel terrible that I do t know how to respond in these situations..

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 12:17pm

  573. 573: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Tam: I feel so happy reading your bragging. I want to hear more!!!!!

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 12:18pm

  574. 574: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Aw, LG, Starla, Heart and Goddess Lily, how nice of you..
    ok, this amazingly cute Siren, Goddess even, is taking herself and her lovely shapely backside to do some exercise…to feel and look even better (if that is even possible)..
    hehehe..I feel mischievous now and giggly.

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 12:21pm

  575. 575: BABNo Gravatar says:

    Its all bring out how insecure I feel and the fact that iam judging her for talking down to him which I have done before when he talked about bills.. No surprise he goes to her. I’m creating a sycle.. I want to cry and scream at myself.. I feel bad. But also that my eyes are opened wider..

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 12:22pm

  576. 576: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    yay tam
    i love it soooooo much

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 12:23pm

  577. 577: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Daria 544

    I feel excited reading that post. It reminds me of Rori’s channeling list.

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 12:25pm

  578. 578: BABNo Gravatar says:

    Mercedes – thank you, your post made me cry, I feel so helpless reading that, but also happy to think if it’s helping him its ok. I want him to be in his masculine do I don’t have to be, so I will look at this as him trying whatever he can to keep me out of it because he sences I’m uncomfortable around the subject of his dept.

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 12:26pm

  579. 579: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Starla: 555

    Wow! That’s pretty incredible!!!

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 12:28pm

  580. 580: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    U go Starla

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 12:31pm

  581. 581: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Goddess Lily – another approach i might take is to wink back

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 12:31pm

  582. 582: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    LG – yeah me too! and i feel really comfy w the phrasing of taking my comfort zone w me :)

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 12:32pm

  583. 583: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    I’m looking over the glossary here and feeling inspired.

    Rori Raye Third Way:
    The alternative to either tolerating your relationship as it is now, or leaving him.
    A new way to repair the relationship and bring your man close again

    The Stance:
    Defensive way of being with a man.
    Protecting yourself instead of opening to him.
    A specific, most common way of speaking to and behaving with a man from your Masculine Energy that’s considered “normal” in the world.

    Strong Surrender:
    Dropping the Stance.
    Being Strong on the Inside, Soft on the Outside.

    Feeling Messages:
    My essential Tool for speaking with a man so he can really hear you – in the format “I feel…” or “I’m feeling…” or “It felt…” or “It feels…” or “It would feel…” Feeling Messages automatically, in baby-steps, help you be more authenic, vulnerable, open, and in touch with and more comfortable with yourself. (Beginning exercises and explanation are in my Have The Relationship You Want ebook.)

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 12:35pm

  584. 584: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Daria: that phrasing feels really comfy to me too. I want to roll it around on my tongue and have it sink into my psyche.

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 12:39pm

  585. 585: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    thank you Daria for brushing my hair. and so early in the day :)


    i feel sad

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 12:39pm

  586. 586: MissStixNo Gravatar says:


    It’s ok to feel those things. It’s also ok that you don’t know how to respond. It feels difficult to me too. And the most tricky…When we are feeling a lot of feelings *for* someone and around another person’s situation.

    A recent choice I made is to not feel *for* people, but with them. I can feel for myself. I can feel how the situation feels to me, and I can express that. But first and formost I want to respect how it feels for the other person. Because, if I feel angry about what they are experiencing, but they feel calm and ok with it, it could create negativity if I use my feelings to get them to see it my way. So I am learning to accept others’ feelings into my body so I can do this authentically.

    So I could say…”oh, I feel a little irritated hearing that but if you feel good about it, I will feel good with you.” hope that makes sense.

    I am also experiencing this helping to unlock feelings for others. I practiced this with my cousin and she ended up saying “Well, actually, I feel kind of angry too!” Which was a nice result.

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 12:41pm

  587. 587: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Tam 557

    This feels really fun! Lets keep the bragging going. Who’s next?

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 12:44pm

  588. 588: MissStixNo Gravatar says:


    Looking that up right now…,

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 12:45pm

  589. 589: MissStixNo Gravatar says:

    Oh…Ma…gawd! 😀

    I got chills all over my body…It’s like a colour vision come to life!

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 12:47pm

  590. 590: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Woah, I just felt a wave if overwhelm thinking about Halloween. I wasn’t going to worry about a costume and now I have to get one together because we are performing…decided kinda last minute.

    Ahhhh, I can do this.

    I am creative and fun and that’s what this is all about and I have friends who will help.

    Normally I would t care but since I gonna be on stage I feel extra pressure.

    I can do this I can do this I can do this

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 12:48pm

  591. 591: MissStixNo Gravatar says:

    I would love to brag with you ladies but i’m just so dam GOOD at it I really don’t need the practice!


    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 12:51pm

  592. 592: BABNo Gravatar says:

    MissStix- yes that makes total sence to me, I feel like that roll help me greatly I’m not axing at empathy, but I want to be!!
    Iam going to jump head first into this new way of thinking about the situation snd how to better understand his needs! Thanks lady:)

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 12:52pm

  593. 593: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    I feel organised. Well more like a ‘getting there’ feeling with how I want to feel. In my head I want to shout… Where have you been the past 10months? Ah, there you are, slowly starting to come back. I’m starting to feel more ‘familiar’ with myself. When I do something I’ve missed I fell like oo I remember how that felt. Like today, I took a shower, then opened the window and felt a blast of cold air in my face. Tomorrow I’m going to cook, I’ve not done that in a good while.

    Slowly but surely I’m getting myself back, which feels surprising… I didn’t realise I was lost!

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 12:53pm

  594. 594: MercedesNo Gravatar says:

    BAB – I’m sorry you feel helpless. Maybe it would feel better to know you don’t need to help him? You stay focused on you and understand that he will come to you when it feels right to him. I know it hurts. I felt the same pain. :-(

    Much Love,

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 12:53pm

  595. 595: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    586 LG-
    I’m a great auntie!!! I feel so proud of what I contribute to that little boys life. Today when he saw me his face lit up like a million stars. He knows I’m the best!
    Brag done!!! 

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 12:56pm

  596. 596: MercedesNo Gravatar says:

    MissStix: I know, right!!! Soooooo cool!!!!!! I hope I can participate next year!! :-) I never know where I’m going to be or what I’m going to be doing but if I’m free, I want to be THERE!!!

    Doesn’t it just make you smile???? LOVE IT!!!

    Much Love,

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 12:56pm

  597. 597: BABNo Gravatar says:

    Mercedes- yes yes I am wanting to not think to much that I have to help him and i am willing to switch my thinking pattern because it feels better to me for our relationship. But my do everything I can to make someone I love not hurt attitude is struggling with thoughts of being selfish by focusing only on me… Thank you for ur sympathy and helpful words!!

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 12:58pm

  598. 598: MissStixNo Gravatar says:


    I too have thoughts and judgements of my behaviors as selfish.

    I say “I love you selfish girl”. Because I know deep down allowing someone their autonomy isn’t truly selfish. I just feel judgement to that effect.

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 1:06pm

  599. 599: MercedesNo Gravatar says:

    MissStix: This is my favorite part of the description:

    Runner/walkers begin the 5k at the start line like a brand new pristine coloring book. By the end, they look like they fell into a Willy Wonka… tie dyed… vat of colored goodness.

    YAY! :-)

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 1:06pm

  600. 600: MissStixNo Gravatar says:

    mmm allowing myself my own autonomy isn’t really selfish either. I feel these judgements slipping.

    Mmm thank you words. My word of the day is autonomy. A basic human right in my field of work.

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 1:08pm

  601. 601: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    Tonight I noticed the word believe written in a picture card I have which I hang off my mirror. It’s been there a long time. Funny after ‘bragging’ I noticed it for the first time.

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 1:08pm

  602. 602: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    I feel cleansed. My face feels fresh. I love to treat my skin. I love my youthful looks. Tomorrow I’m going to buy some more nightcream. I ran out of my lavender one. That would feel yummy.

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 1:11pm

  603. 603: MissStixNo Gravatar says:


    I could barely get past the picture with the plumes of coloured smoke O.O yum!

    “They look like they fell into a Willy Wonka…tie dyed…Vat of coloured goodness”

    Yes. I want to be that :)

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 1:12pm

  604. 604: MissStixNo Gravatar says:

    What a weird comment to go into moderation…

    Anyway, the gist was…I want to be tie dyed!!!! 😀

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 1:13pm

  605. 605: MercedesNo Gravatar says:

    LOL that’s too funny! :-) (602)

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 1:18pm

  606. 606: CalypsoNo Gravatar says:

    I noticed today that I am thinking about what I put into my body more then normal – drinking water, eating a smarter lunch – last night I did not drink any alcohol when i got home . . . instead i did some stretches and exercised enough that my muslces hurt a little today . . . this because I know I am going to see and be seen by the Drill Sgt in 7 weeks . . .

    Maybe i will just use this unexpected situation with him as the catalyst I needed to get healthy again – I have really let myself go in several ways since my relationship with GM ended – I drink too much and don’t exercise any more and i bet i have gained 30 pounds . . . maybe the hot young sexy DI was sent to wake me up ??? I mean, JC is a nice man, but he is over weight and out of shape and not at all a motivaion for me to shape up!

    Young hottie is another story.

    He sent me a pic . . . You Know . . . a graphic one last night and wanted me to o the same, which I said I absolutely would not! I do have some boundries . . . lol. I think he really thought he would convince me, but no way.

    I have to say tho – his pic was quite inspiring –

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 1:20pm

  607. 607: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    After my move Im treating myself to an early night! 9.30 in bed on a Friday…yes please!
    I feel comfy doing this, it’s my choice. I don’t have to go out every weekend. I’ll be sociable tomorrow instead.

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 1:25pm

  608. 608: MercedesNo Gravatar says:

    Calypso: YAY for Healthy!! (and inspiring…) :-)

    Much Love,

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 1:25pm

  609. 609: MissStixNo Gravatar says:


    I like reading of your ways of taking care of you. They feel wonderfully un-complex to me. You have a quiet-ness about you…I don’t think to respond to you often. I like reading you.

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 1:33pm

  610. 610: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you miss stix. It feel nice to be seen. 
    I’m feeling mellow right now.

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 1:42pm

  611. 611: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Wow, now I’m working in Chinese.

    I love knowing all these languages

    I love that working in foreign languages is the one thing that keeps my mind off men. Even crack fix-y ones.

    I love that foreign languages are MY “out the window” tool.

    love love love

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 1:47pm

  612. 612: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you Daria for doing my favorite… And most restful hypnosis session

    Mmm I might be a but under slept

    I want to ask for assistance in obtaining the sound proofing foam

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 1:48pm

  613. 613: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Aw Smile, you are even bragging in a sweet and cute that. So anybody else?
    Starla, I like reading your language brags too, fact is that is pretty amazing, amazingly amazing.
    I love languages but can’t get my head around knowing so many…that must feel awesome!!

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 1:53pm

  614. 614: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    I’m feeling tired, and in search of male attention to shift my energy… I wonder if it would feel good to nap.

    We have a family friend – very cute guy – and friend of mine coming over in 10 min… I feel sleepy

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 1:53pm

  615. 615: TamNo Gravatar says:

    oh, Aviation party man is back on the scene….well, well, well…

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 1:54pm

  616. 616: TamNo Gravatar says:

    I have the feeling he might crash land onto me one of these days…. :/

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 1:54pm

  617. 617: TamNo Gravatar says:

    perhaps I should have a good landing strip…with lights and all..oooh how rude of me – forgive me ladies….
    I feel naugthy now.

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 1:55pm

  618. 618: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you Daria for eating seaweed and helping my brain feel better

    Wow I feel it sudden ideas and insights

    Feels great

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 2:00pm

  619. 619: MissStixNo Gravatar says:


    Tam…Naughty girl. 😉

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 2:00pm

  620. 620: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Speaking of which, tomorrow and Sunday are good days to trim my nani poof.

    Oh I brag that I’ve started more consistently thinking ‘my nani is sacred and sexy’ before touching it. And now I’ve been wiping after pee w that in mind, and instead of rough and dismissive get it over with its been feeling intimate and soft and loving.

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 2:06pm

  621. 621: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    I feel unconfortable talking about my pee.

    I actually love my pee.


    It feels unconfortable talking about it cux I think I’ll be judged as inappropriate , nasty and gross.

    I feel glad I don’t feel that way about me, and I still feel magical childlike wonder and worship for my golden elixir pee.

    Foof feels challenging to express that and be seen.

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 2:08pm

  622. 622: TamNo Gravatar says:

    I feel..naughty but nice. He thinks I am a good girl, so he says, which is why he says he would like to get to know me better…awww. Trouble is he is ‘seems’ a stereotypical ‘bad boy’…ho hum. We shall see.
    I just like a fixer man. Within seconds he spotted that the table was wonky – and fixed it.
    I just feel safe with that kind of ‘I saw something is not right and will attend to it right away’ attitude…it’s a small detail but I like it.
    He isn’t for me at all, but he is so amicable and positive and HAPPY… and uncomplicated.
    Aaaanyway, we will see.

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 2:09pm

  623. 623: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    “He isn’t for me at all, but he is so amicable and positive and HAPPY… and uncomplicated.”


    thank you, universe.

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 2:25pm

  624. 624: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    the amicable part, not the “not for me” part, lol

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 2:25pm

  625. 625: TamNo Gravatar says:

    622..hehe Starla….well, you know, I like it even with the ‘not for me’, it’s so much great practice without the chance of getting hung up!! How cool is that?

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 2:29pm

  626. 626: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Woo I just did my hypnosis recording again, and i felt knocked out asleep again Mmmm
    Ok I feel a bit more rested now

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 2:35pm

  627. 627: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    tam 623
    i like your positive spin hehe

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 2:59pm

  628. 628: TamNo Gravatar says:

    oh Starla, that is sooo my life right now, making lemonade from lemons kinda thing…

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 3:23pm

  629. 629: Virginia ClarkNo Gravatar says:

    Hi ladies, I just saw that Rori posted my article or I would have responded sooner.

    To break my pattern of neediness around men I had to find out what was going on in my subconscious mind. My sabotaging thoughts told me I was somehow flawed and not good enough for a man to commit to me. And of course my life reflected that back to me over and over again. Things would start out well but inevitably my underlying beliefs began to affect my behavior with whatever man I was with and I always ended up pushing them away.

    My negative ideas I had about myself came from my childhood. I actually had a marriage mantra in my head that said, “I will be an old maid just like Aunt Betty.”

    Until I brought all this to light with the help of guided imagery I was under the influence of my subconscious thoughts without realizing it. Clearing out my negative beliefs about myself and around love changed the whole course of my love life.

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 3:38pm

  630. 630: MissStixNo Gravatar says:

    Was just reminded of a quote that makes me giggle…

    When life hands you lemons, don’t make lemonade. Get you a$$ to customer service and demand a refund.

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 3:40pm

  631. 631: MissStixNo Gravatar says:

    Maybe not something to live by, but I think it’s funny :)

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 3:41pm

  632. 632: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    Miss M – 501 – YUM!!!


    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 3:42pm

  633. 633: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    I feel so annoyed and ‘needy’ lonely garumbah rrr

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 3:50pm

  634. 634: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Ok here goes another one, I am loving this now:
    managed to squeeze my exquisit behind into sexy sireny skinny jeans and going to a super duper live band place with my friends…and I AM GETTING PICKED UP and am going to elegantly slide my elegant self into the lovely car I am getting picked up in….oh yes!
    I deserve this.
    Because I am so fabulous.
    And now I feel a bit ‘eek’ at all this bragging 😉

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 3:54pm

  635. 635: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    You go with your bad self girl. ((((Tam)))))))

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 4:03pm

  636. 636: LindaNo Gravatar says:

    I am feeling shakey today… and still off balance I am fearful that I will not protect me. My unvoluntary physical response at getting those emails and pictures from him has triggered all of this. My mascline side wants to “FIX” this… figure out what I need to do to be OVER and DONE with him having any power or place in my heart. My gut sick feeling…tells me I am not even close.

    I have felt spent all day. I did lots of sighing at work. This is my bodies response to emotional stress. I came home and slept after work for 3 hours… my sleep felt restorative but I dont really feel better..

    I dont like feeling off balance and loving, someone that is not good for you is NOT GOOD FOR YOU. I dont feel kind toward myself but rather judgemental actually.

    THere were a couple of post that Simply Goddess wrote that were inspirational to me earlier. Nothing in it was blamey or protective. Just soft. I dont feel soft . I feel pulled up by my bootstraps and unopen.

    Not letting him in back into my life is a purposeful decision and at of my will only. It is what I must do but not what I wish was what I had to do.

    If I dwell on my feelings and gave them all a voice I dont know if I would find clarity and relieve the self doubt… or would I find my balance… which has not been balanced at all,, just my will excercising itself.

    I feel too tired to sink into all this soup. Deep at the bottom the soup is my desire for all things to be well and healthy and be with him…. It would only take a miracle for him to want to be healthy and do all the work it would take to be in a real relationship with me… commit to me… be my partner. Do the things he said he would do but didn’t. Still I wish it was the case…I guess. If I am honest with myself I want that miracle. It feels like asking/hoping for an impossible cure to an incurable disease.

    My stomach is growling, but I dont want to feed it. I have a headace and am really tired of tears just rolling out of my eyes today. They dont feel healing they feel draining and stuck

    What is it about me that attracted a depressed, emotionally unavailable.. negative man. I what a drag and downer life was. WAIT…a person like that needs healing…. I believe it is sooo possible.. maybe that is why. That feels hopeful just a bit.

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 6:00pm

  637. 637: LindaNo Gravatar says:

    WHen I was a little girl my mother would get so angry at me. She would go into fits of rage… yelling yelling… I just remember I would cry.. cry so hard that I could hardly breath. Then she would see what she had done and hold me. I remember needing the comfort but hating her being the one that was giving it. Somehow that has created this thing in me to want the person that has done me wrong to recognize their actions, stop what they are doing and scoop me up and affirm and make it all better.

    OMY GOSh…. this is connected somehow. I guess I am gonna have to feel this out so that I can understand and stop this cycle. You dont lash out and hurt the people around you.. and then love on them… how sick is that? Emotional abuse and sick!

    Wow…light bulb moment here

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 6:12pm

  638. 638: FlowerChild77No Gravatar says:

    I’m starting to feel better. It is a relief—I just really let myself feel BAD. I spent a long time in the soup. Thinking, crying, writing, sobbing, sleeping, emotional eating, wondering, ‘why would I even want to go on without them?’–over-and-over-over.

    Allowing it to move through me instead of trying to ‘get through it’ was/is exhausting but the only organic way to heal. I won’t be needing any anti-depressants (whew!)

    Of course, I still have ‘moments’ but I’m able to enjoy things and I have more energy for life. I’m also starting to think about a future, which has to be a good thing.

    I’ve been having some nice moments…I realize how blessed I am to have had each of them in my life and my intent lately is whenever I think of either–I go, immediately, into gratitude. It actually makes me smile at times; and I believe it’s the only path to authentic acceptance (meaning, not all tied up with anger, guilt, regret, what-ifs and if-onlys, wondering “why”, etc.)

    Sometimes it frightens me that I can feel good or that I actively think/daydream about a future. For a moment, it feels as though I’m not being faithful/loyal–like, how can I think about my future without him? I loved him so deeply.

    But, as I said, it’s only for a moment. Then I take a deep breath (I am) and exhale (peaceful.)

    I’m starting to see this as an opportunity to create. I like how that feels. I have so much more to “work with” than ever before in my life and that gives me the confidence I’d never been able to find.

    Missing my son is not so tied up with moving’s in a different realm and still very painful, but the gratitude is still there each time I think of him.

    Starla…love to me, love to me, forgiveness to me…I still haven’t gone back to the pool yet, but when I do—it will be your inspiration that gets me there. It’s my next step. (I get ‘hooked’ on how healthy I look and feel when I swim regularly. I’m healing from the inside out!)

    Dr. Oz was talking about Pea Protein Powder today as a way to feel fuller without eating sugary and high carb foods/snacks. Do any of you use this or has anyone tried it? (He said it’s similar to whey protein powder, but that many people are sensitive to whey and it can cause bloating and weight gain.)

    I’m not liking the cold weather, but I love the change of seasons and I plan to do a lot of holiday baking this year.

    As always, I am thankful for all of you and for this safe and loving place to come with all my sorrows and joys <3

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 6:46pm

  639. 639: TereanaNo Gravatar says:

    Oooh…skinny jeans. That reminds me that there is this pair of skinny jeans that I saw while shopping with a friend. I want them!

    They looked so hot on me, but I was on the fence, because I don’t think of skinny jeans as “me.” I’ve had a vendetta against them since I was young and all jeans had skinny ankles and they were badly designed and badly fit. I hated them and was so relieved when jeans with wider legs started coming out.

    But I’m a grown woman now. Skinny jeans have gotten better, and these were way easy to put on and take off. Plus, everyone keeps asking me if I’ve lost weight.

    And, more importantly, I just realized that I *want* those jeans. I think I’m going to get them – maybe TOMORROW.

    I feel like the universe is continually rewarding me when I take a chance and spend money on something I really like and want. Like. “there’s more where that came from, Chica,” she seems to say. Thanks universe!

    Maybe it’s time to break out of my 12-year-old fear shell of “I don’t look good enough to wear those.” heck yeah, you do, Goddess!

    Go and get you some hot, black with silver polka dot skinny pants! Yeah! : )

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 6:51pm

  640. 640: LindaNo Gravatar says:

    hugs to you FlowerChild77… you have been thru it!

    I ate a bit, nothing healthy though. I just ate what tasted good. and my lasts revelation… the elephant on my chest feeling is gone.

    I am headed to bed… I need more rest.

    Nite ladies.

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 7:17pm

  641. 641: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    I fell alseep…Feeling grouchy and angry with the blog.
    Feeling confused by Mercedes and her cheerng on of Miss Stix and Daria….I feel ganged up against. I feel “put in the wrong”. Is that you Intention Mercedes?

    I feel everyone here i becoming so catty and there are feuds in every thread now. Ick. This place feels unsafe. I feel catty.
    When I asked that question about the video presentation it ws out of curiousity and didnt intend to spark a debate.

    Also what Daria & Miss Stix describe is my idea of Enchanting a man. Enchanting a man & and physically attracying a man is too different things. I guess we are talking about the same thing but using different words. And its not natural it’s learnt. You can choose to see the earth as flat if you want but that will not stop it from going around the sun. The truth Is…you can’t choose it.

    Maybe you feel ashamed when you think of it as un-natural?

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 7:42pm

  642. 642: Rori RayeNo Gravatar says:

    jane – I deleted your last name for your privacy – and there’s so much here in your letter. Can you see, if you step back a bit and really look at what yuo wrote – that you’re wishing and hoping, and this man is not doing the job? Just because you love him doesn’t mean he’s a good partner for you. Love, Rori

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 7:49pm

  643. 643: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    FlowerChild your post feel soothing and peaceful. I feel happy that you are finding your way

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 8:11pm

  644. 644: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Omg surfer boy turned balmy and I felt scared for my safety and left.

    How come w the ones that seem all fem and dorky abd ‘Nice’ turn psycho n icky more than the bad boys

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 8:18pm

  645. 645: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Oh well it felt cool to experience

    I left immediately and didnt try to tolerate like w other guys

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 8:19pm

  646. 646: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Ugh the CD I hella liked turned all dramatic and left.

    Well isaid some dramatic shot too but it was the truth.


    I feel all numb.

    So sad.

    Ugh I feel disappointed he was so interesting.

    Two dramas in a row did I cause them?

    By being ‘too cold’ ?

    Kinda dead numb serious telling him I don’t know if well see each other again.

    But it’s the truth.

    Then. This other guy earlier. Def dont want to see Him again … I felt scared in his presence.

    Uffff guys like me so much that they freak out after the first date and are like you’re tryna use me. U don’t like me. Ut not paying me attention.

    I’m falling in love w u.


    Ok no more drama for Daria
    I don’t care if I did cause it in some subtle way,

    Gonastop looking for what I did and keep dropping em.

    Eventually the universe will get it for me.


    I just got that my dad evaluates my desires
    To see if they’re appropriate

    Before granting them.

    Abd I don’t think most are appropriate.

    Not even a ride home at night when I’m stranded after getting scared w a guy.

    And by knowing I’m good

    Ohhhh blaming myself that I don’t provide enough safety.

    Oh well I did great

    I’m awesome


    U rock

    It’s not your fault men get emotional

    That’s that ‘fem’ side u were seein anyway

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 9:01pm

  647. 647: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Ong why are they all. ‘broken’

    “what is ‘broken’ ” w me . I feel terrified my picker is so off

    That I get two guys who dont know how to treat women complaining about what they do for me

    I Know this is guys act from my experience. They’re all paranoid about money.

    But supposedly men want to give to me so ima keep rockin with that.

    They will approach.

    So disappointed. Totally numb.

    That one guy surfer guy keeps texting me saying ‘you should feel guilty for this. What happened why’d u leave.’

    I am not taking his calls .

    No more drama Ty.

    Wow I feel so strange knowing I used to be into this drama and calling back etc just a few years ago.

    I was like this is how people relate.


    Diff level now.

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 9:18pm

  648. 648: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    My heart was hurting.

    Oh he called back lol.

    But he still is not gona pick me up cuz he has stuff to do.

    I feel glad I don’t feel blamy.

    I feel not very interested, like not totally loving, but not all furious and blamy.


    actually, I’m still not sure if I want to see him again.

    He all had a weird freak attack testing me about $.


    I kinda feel turned off.

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 9:40pm

  649. 649: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    I was just babbling to him about how I feel all weird that I don’t have any friends who would pick me up.


    My Nvs say I’m a ‘loser’ and ‘weird’ for people to not want to be around me.

    I used to be a ‘good friend’. But now I’m probably not.

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 9:42pm

  650. 650: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    omgosh…I am reading old emails & messages from the past two men I was into…and Wow…
    What an eye opener….
    Like you could literally see the shift in me…from when I was otally cool to when I started getting hung up. Such an ah-ha moment. It really is All-about-your-vibe.

    But I also realize that I want Romance, I want feel special. I want to be with a man that is into me…Not a guy that is trying to ease into something….hmmm.
    I’ve been giving my energy to the wrong kind of situation…I need to attract new ones into my life.

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 9:44pm

  651. 651: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    Also – I was leaving a cafe today and I saw AwwrCd and he waved at me and I waved back but then I bolted. I just didnt feel like chatting. Eek… I was feeling messy and closed off.

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 9:49pm

  652. 652: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    The “problem” is me not being clear about what I want…
    So I attract these situations…
    The “problem” is me…

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 9:53pm

  653. 653: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Oh wow y’all not gona believe this

    Guess who calls me now – in theme

    The guy who I felt scared of last time – I felt scared he was gona rape me ! But then I talked to him but really I was fakin being cool cuz I was still feelin all shook up

    Well HE called.

    After 2 guys that truggered me to feel scared.

    And I’m like, no, I’m not gona ask him for a ride. Even tho it wd probably work out ok, I don’t want to feel on guard and uncomfortable and fake cool.

    So sigh. I was all strait up honest like hey I felt scared last time

    And he’s like I thought we cleared it up

    And I’m like we’ll im thinking back and I remember I felt scared.

    And he’s like we’ll I thought we cleared it up I’ll leave u alone

    And in like yeah I felt scared

    And he’s like war are you doing tonite

    And im like we’ll I felt scared I feel unsure if I wd be open to see u again

    And he’s like ok then I don’t want u to feel scared etc in a sad voice

    And I’m like ok. Bye.

    And that’s that yay.

    I’m saying no.

    And now my lil brother called to talk ti get it off his chest that my sis told him he can’t see his kids cuz she thought me Nd him are messin around . (were not, and she was really upset)

    Well I did my emotional work to call on my godsons bay and syes cool. He like, believed her but she didn’t mean it, and I get it cuz i believed it too.

    But I got the vision and power now so I’m choosing he’s feeling the vibe and healing too abd learning how to feel cool about it. He’ll be stepping up he’s picking up on my healthy family vibe. Yay. I feel scared but I kinda know that’s what gota happen cuz in healthy now. So we’re all healing.

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 10:41pm

  654. 654: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    My brother wants me to carry a small gun but I don’t want to cuz I don’t want to always think about it and create situations around it. I use my intuition for safety

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 10:42pm

  655. 655: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    I feel cared about and cool that he wants me to be safe. That’s why I appreciate him as my brother.

    Also it felt really easy to talk without talking shit now that I sound all woman grown up and centered, and I felt more respected than before

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 10:45pm

  656. 656: ScarletNo Gravatar says:

    Oh how I wish I could let go of my drug addicted man. I was so close only a few days ago. I truly let him go and told him so – ever so calmly without trying to get a reaction from him. I just needed to let go. Then back he came telling me he was going into rehab and loved me and wanted to get better for us to be together. And my hope came back too.
    But now here I sit on a weekend night, I’m sick at the moment and feeling so so lonely. He’s nowhere to be found and I was feeling better when I actually let go of him. If only I didn’t let the hope take over again.

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 11:24pm

  657. 657: TereanaNo Gravatar says:

    Linda – I had a cool post for you, and then I lost it.

    Oh, we’ll, I basically wanted to give you props for your “light bulb moment” and realizing how your behavior was connected to your past.

    I can actually relate to your experience, in a way – both with the past, and the behavior. But I want to keep this about you.

    It was a brave thing to notice that. I’m impressed! And thanks, because now its made me think :-)

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 11:25pm

  658. 658: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    I’m home :). I walked an hour in heels but I didn’t rush so my feet are still feelin cool :)

    And now No Name CD called me and I told him about how I don’t like payin for stuff w a guy

    An I felt so open and sounded so sweet – plus I had all the practice w the 2 guys earlier to its w triggers abt money – hrs like, ok.

    He’s like I’m used to people I hang out w paying for me. And I’m like ok :) I don’t feel good paying w a guy ut doesn’t feel romantic, I don’t want ti feel like buddies . And he’s like, ok.

    Yay :)

    Hehe so easy.

    And now cuz he didn’t confirm time for tommorow at 3 in time, I already scheduled it w family friend guy . Hehe :)

    And I’m like, as long as I know a set time a couple days ahead of time, I can plan for it and then I’ll be available.

    Hehe :)

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 11:43pm

  659. 659: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    High 5 D you rockstarred this nite.

    5 outa 5

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 11:45pm

  660. 660: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    In a world where women pay men, I get my shit paid for

    Just cuz I require it and enjoy it


    So easy

    And fun

    And innocent

    And lovely

    And healthy

    Friday, 26 October 2012 @ 11:47pm

  661. 661: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Whoo I take such good care of me now, so easily

    I’m feelin a lil giddied up


    This was a Daria adventure for sure

    I don’t even feel mad at anybody

    I didn’t stress myself out.


    I feel excited to do some EFT

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 12:03am

  662. 662: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    I feel unsure whether I want to see the CD who didn’t come get me…. I do want to give him a chance , but also I feel a bit not attracted that he didn’t come thru for me


    I really feel unsure

    I’ll see how I feel

    He’s all I had to call you back, yourself somebody I can considering you for my wife

    The cd who freaked out too freaked cuz I said I was moving to Brazil next year


    They’re all like in love and get w the drama

    But now I more easily walk away

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 12:06am

  663. 663: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    He he, I didn’t some more bragging in my head. These are things I’d never say outloud, saying them in my head felt safe.

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 12:06am

  664. 664: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    I don’t feel confident to share my triggers on here outloud either. I feel scared at what I read sometimes. Like I get that ‘gosh’ feeling. So I work through them in my head too. It’s happened a lot lately. I feel like I’d blame someone or make them feel ‘got’ at even though it’s about me.

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 12:09am

  665. 665: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    I wonder why I never experience the feeling of being angry and in a rage?

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 12:11am

  666. 666: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    Sure I have ‘drama’ in my life. But my blood never feels like hot lava waiting to spurt out of the volcano.

    Why am I seeing this as a bad thing? More curious I guess.
    I love my temperament.

    I feel all snug and warm in my bed.

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 12:20am

  667. 667: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    Tam, I love reading about your cd’s!!!

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 12:36am

  668. 668: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    oh wow! you guys… i left my facebook logged in at that guy’s house…

    and guess what…

    he posted a pic of himself – a cute one – on my facebook w this text

    “Dreamy ♥ 😀 ♥ ♥ I feel bad bout what I did :/. What person allows another to waste their time cooking for me? And what do I do in return? Nothing. What should I do? I feel real bad, Real people are hard to find, and i’d love to make it up to him. If he’ll let me.”

    now you see the blame/drama issue i feel eye rolling

    i felt SCARED in there my heart beating fast and i feel glad he got outta there

    you can see the pic and the text on siren island

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 12:42am

  669. 669: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    Daria, I feel curious, what made you feel unsafe?

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 12:56am

  670. 670: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Smile – well, i felt blamed and i felt mad and i didn’t feel heard… i got my stuff to leave and then he was blocking my way out of his apartment!

    and i felt scared!

    i mean, im a girl, i know he might not want me to leave, but i don’t want my way blocked, i don’t know him that well, only 3rd meeting / 2nd date

    i was like i feel scared, and he’s like you don’t have to, you never have to be scared w me, but i didn’t feel reassured…

    i wasnt feeling heard, he kept talking about his feelings and the attention he wanted, and kinda blaming me guilt tripping me for the things he provided to me on first and second date… not something i wanted to tolerate… and with my way blocked it felt scary

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 12:59am

  671. 671: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    Daria, I would feel unsafe having my way blocked too, especially when you don’t know a guy too well.

    I would change my password on my fb straight away. His message feels a little strange, hmm but maybe he meant it in a cute way but it reads like he thinks you owe him an apology.

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 1:07am

  672. 672: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    yeah, he does think i owe him an apology, he texted me like 20 times in that vein

    i feel glad im outta there… emotional drama -> trouble!

    my FB password was changed first thing :)

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 1:10am

  673. 673: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    I feel like, phew daria. Thank goodness.

    My safety is a little fear I have about starting to cd. But I know to trust my feelings and follow my gut of what feels good and what doesn’t.

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 1:17am

  674. 674: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    I trust that other people can do things just as well. I don’t need to ‘check’. I’m letting go of control. My way isn’t always the best way. Thank you universe for helping me to be aware of this. I’m consciously letting go of control Quite a lot.

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 1:21am

  675. 675: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    Ack, ((me)) adjusting to living with someone after 11 months of living alone.

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 1:24am

  676. 676: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    he’s tryna be all nice and funny now… i feel a bit melted…

    “Holy Shit what am I doin on your wall!!! 0_0??? Trippy…”

    but i trust my feelings. i know i don’t want drama and if i allow myself to feel my feelings i will know what to do and not do

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 1:28am

  677. 677: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Smile – yeah my feelings are so amazing! they are so right on!

    even about when to hang up the phone, or what road to take


    i feel amazed at what a magical world i live in… i want to feel it even more!

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 1:30am

  678. 678: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    I am so true of my star sign.

    Peace and harmony in life is a top priority for both Cancer and Libra. However Libra is a lot more open minded and rational than private and emotional Cancer. Libra’s strive to meet new people and see new places might not be appreciated so much by jealous Crab. Cancer usually wants to be pampered or to pamper his partner, and for Libra this is alien as Librans believe in equality and that everything should be balanced. Overall not the best match, but can still work out if the two can sort out their differences and change themselves to some extent.

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 1:35am

  679. 679: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    (((me being a libra))) I want to allow people to spoil me. This does feel alien to me!

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 1:37am

  680. 680: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i feel intrigued about librans believing in equlity and balance and having a challenge accepting pampering

    my mom is a libra and i do see this thought pattern hmm

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 1:37am

  681. 681: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Smile – yes! i look forward to see you as an inspiration of bieng pampered

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 1:38am

  682. 682: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    as a Libra.

    my Mars is in libra

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 1:38am

  683. 683: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    smile – what site are you looking at? i feel intrigued to look myself up…

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 1:40am

  684. 684: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    I did it for my other relationships too. It’s scaringly accurate!!!!
    I think it was called my love cal, try putting it in google.
    It matches your star signs to see if they’re compatible.

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 1:47am

  685. 685: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    thanks Smile

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 1:52am

  686. 686: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 1:53am

  687. 687: SmileNo Gravatar says:


    Why do I feel uncomfortable living at home again?
    It’s my choice.
    I’ve not lived here for years.
    I feel like people will judge me for it being a backward step.
    “aw, she’s moving back home”
    I’m doing it to be able to move forward.
    I want to save up.
    I feel embarrassed to tell people I’ve moved back in with my mum.
    I feel like shouting but she only stays here 2 nights!
    Its my choice.
    (((my nv)))

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 2:04am

  688. 688: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    thank you Daria for feeding me yummy

    thank you for taking me home

    thank you for taking such good care of me emotionally

    thank you for healing my beating myself up for being alone and walking instead of having lots of people availalbe to give me a ride

    thank you for putting on the salt rock

    thank you for doing EFT

    thank you for brushing my teeth

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 2:21am

  689. 689: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    doing this chakra EFT is so fun! it’s comparable to having fun with friends!

    i feel so pleasured and lovely

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 2:43am

  690. 690: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    I feel like my tongue is on fire…
    I feel hot…
    just had a spicy sauce turkish kebab ..

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 2:45am

  691. 691: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    the owner of the place just gave me some for free …eeek..

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 2:46am

  692. 692: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    I ran into a guy I meet a while about an hour ago and I updated him on the CudG situation…
    And he said CudG backed off cuz he thought I lost interest…and if Into him I should send him a quick message…
    Should I do that?
    help…i miss him…

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 2:51am

  693. 693: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    I dont feel like going to any parties tonight…
    I feel heavy hearted…
    I feel Sad.
    I’ll party tomorrow…I just want to stay in and hurt…

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 2:53am

  694. 694: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    Heart, I read the bob grant ebook, how to get him back. It tells you in there how to let him know your still interested if he’s stopped making contact with you. But it’s done in a way that you don’t ‘pursue’ him.

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 2:59am

  695. 695: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    I’m letting go of TH once and for all. And not because I want him. It’s because I no longer want a relationship with him. He’s being pushed off my horse! lol

    It’s been almost 3 days since I last heard from him and that feels bad – I feel really unimportant. Yep he is not obligated to contact me at all, and he is free to do what he wants. But if he wants me, he’s gotta contact me!

    Last time he went away, he messaged me every single day and told me how much he missed me.

    This time he’s lucky to message me every two or three days and only for a couple of minutes before he has to go or is busy playing a game on his phone.

    I suppose that last part confirmed just how important a part of his life I really am.

    And it’s just not the lack of contact that’s doing this. Since he’s been away, I feel so much happier and carefree!

    I feel sad though, but also relieved.

    I’m still fantasising about NWG too. I need to stop that. But there’s something about him that I just want to run my hands over that chest of his! lol Oh dear I’m obsessed… 😛

    Leaning back though since NWG texted me last night. Another guy from a dating site has been texting me too, plus FBD has been messaging me on FB each day (when he’s not poking me!).

    Next Friday NWG suggested we go for drinks again and I told him I’d only be able to stay a short time as I had to pick up my daughter. She’s now made other plans and won’t even be coming home that night, so I’m free to do whatever I want! Woohoo!

    Will wait till NWG brings it up then mention it then that I’m free to do whatever. I look forward to another flirty night! And this time I’ll be much more open to it, now that I’ve decided to end things with TH. :)

    I wrote TH an email today (didn’t send it), telling him that it was over. I may just tell him what I wrote when he gets back I guess… It’s going to be hard, but I feel so much happier and relaxed than I can remember!!

    I still care a lot for TH and want him to be happy. I realised today that we are just not good for each other. He’s a good guy, but just is not able to give me what I want. My love tank has been empty for waaayyyy too long! :(

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 3:04am

  696. 696: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    eh i got triggered… eeek


    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 3:04am

  697. 697: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    I’ve noticed that I’m not being as feminine as I want to be with NWG sometimes. I’m going to practise this on him and really need to slow myself down and take my time.

    I also have to be careful about filling silences when I’m with him…

    Time to be a more girlie me! 😀

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 3:05am

  698. 698: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i feel really powerful socially right now

    like i feel high self esteem in my imagination

    that feels great

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 3:09am

  699. 699: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    I feel high blood pressure I just gofer extremely truggered, either anger or fear or both but huge adrenaline and ready to have someone die

    I feel my booty cheeks still tight

    I love my booty cheeks

    Iove my desire for peace


    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 3:14am

  700. 700: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    695 – Could you clarify Smile?

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 3:19am

  701. 701: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    ps would emailing him be pursuing him?

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 3:21am

  702. 702: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    342 LG – YES!! That’s been the BIGGEST problem with me and TH – I have always been left questioning his attraction for me.

    I’ve never been in that situation before, and I HATED it!!!

    Hmmm…… thank you for posting that – makes perfect sense to me and confirms that my decision to move on is a good one. :)

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 3:29am

  703. 703: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    642 Rori – “Just because you love him doesn’t mean he’s a good partner for you.”

    Oh the lights are coming on tonight! This is so true. xx

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 4:00am

  704. 704: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    #638 ((( Flowerchild )))

    I so admire you. <3

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 4:04am

  705. 705: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    (((Flowerchild))) – I am so glad to see you posting here and on Siren Island. You seem to be coming from a much calmer and happier place.

    I know it will still take time for you to heal from this but know that we all love you.


    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 4:09am

  706. 706: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    Heart- I’m out at the min but I shall have a look when I have chance on my computer for you x

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 4:11am

  707. 707: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    Sigh…. I still have that picture of NWG’s chest in his semi-tight black tshirt that he wore to work yesterday in my head… yum…

    And I’m still feeling surprised that he texted last night seeing as he knew I wasn’t going out. But he texted me anyway, just to say that he was only going for one then heading home. Ummm ok?! lol

    I’m so tempted to message TH and say something totally unsireny like “It’s become painfully clear that you’re really not that in to me, so I’m walking away…”


    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 4:13am

  708. 708: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    BW it seems clear to me also that changing that thought could be helpful. Also that you are more focussed on TH than you will honestly admit. A few posts again you had suggested that you were done. If you are done why would it matter whether or not he is into you? This is what I would ask myself given this kind of situation. Focus on my thoughts and insides rather than projecting it out into an attack.

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 4:31am

  709. 709: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    Ew! This dude I met on dating site just texted “I’m still waiting for you to phone me. Not going to happen hey?”

    Me: Hmmm I feel pressured

    Him: Sorry I didn’t mean to offend you. I’ll back off. Sorry.

    Now what?? Not that I care. This guy’s older than me and definitely NOT doing for me what NWG is…

    sigh…. taking mind off NWG as of…. NOW!

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 4:33am

  710. 710: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Heart my understanding of chasing is really doing anything that I initiate. This includes thinking about him and emailing him if he has not contacted me for something. If however the man is committed then the ball game changes.

    RE 694 – Smile it would be good if you express how you would put this into practice.

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 4:35am

  711. 711: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    He just texted goodnight and apologised. Again. lol

    I don’t think he’s gone so I’ll call him S.

    Now to add some more men to my rotation without using a dating site, but how??? Maybe I need to find some more meetups. There were a HEAP of Halloween parties on tonight. No good for me though, since I’m home with my babies.

    And now my daughter’s back with me full time, that means I’m out of action every Mon, Tue, Wed, Thur because I have to pick her up from work.

    So that leaves every second Friday and Saturday, and every Sunday that I can do something with a man.

    I suppose things could be worse… :-\

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 4:37am

  712. 712: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    BW are you sure it was pressured you feel? I would have just given him my number and respond “I prefer to allow the man to lead the communicating”. I am wondering if the pressure you feel might be related to other things going on in your life? It seems the guy might only be trying to connect the best way he knows how or is used to in his experience. Many women chase men.

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 4:38am

  713. 713: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    #712 FW

    I think you are so right about the men being used to the women chasing them. I have had so many potential CD’s fizzle out when I lean back……….

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 4:41am

  714. 714: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    FW – do you give out your mobile number right away? I’ve never known how to proceed with the online dating sites re the RR protocol.

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 4:43am

  715. 715: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    RE 714 – Yupp. I am not afraid of hat might happen. What can they do with a phone number anyway? Also how can they connect if I don’t? Many of them just call for a few times then I don’t hear from them again. I don’t stress it.

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 4:45am

  716. 716: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    I need to just stop….
    I feel sad….I feel sad….

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 4:48am

  717. 717: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    I am feeling a bit triggered by some comments.
    How can a man believe and respect me if I keep saying I am done but still engage with him and focus on him as if I am in relationship with him? How can I be wanting daily contact even when a man who has told me friends only, plus is thousands of miles away? What is it about me or my beliefs that I would choose this kind of situation?

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 4:49am

  718. 718: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    The Art of Letting Go in Relationships

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 4:51am

  719. 719: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    708 FW – I feel confused. Which thought?

    And yes I am focused on TH right now. I know that.

    I spent this afternoon just letting myself feel. And I felt sad and I felt loss. But I also felt hope for a better future. I know that he can’t be for me what I want him to be and that feels scary, because it means that I am suddenly all alone…

    I feel turned off. And I know that I’ve been “acting as if” i’m in a relationship with him although I’m not in one. And he isn’t helping either, getting upset at me going out with gf’s rather than spend time with him. It’s like he has wanted to have his cake and eat it too.

    And one of the guys at work plus NWG were telling me how he’s known for being possessive about me (NWG’s boss apparently told him that he was possessive – I’m not sure what NWG told his boss though – that he was going to ask me out??). So it’s like I’m a gf without a bf!

    If he offered me everything I want, I would honestly right now say no to it. He is not what I want.

    Yes I still love him (or as I learned the other night, I probably am just “attached” to him), but I don’t think I could ever be happy with him.

    And guess who just sent me a message??? lol

    I’m tempted to say something but I really don’t think that while he’s away is the time to do it.

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 5:01am

  720. 720: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    whatever…leaning forward sucks…
    I regret bailing on CudG…and it’s been a month and I’m still thinking about him so I must like him…
    Wow…a month…I miss him….I miss his cuddly ways…

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 5:02am

  721. 721: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    712 FW – he has my number. He just wants me to call HIM instead of him calling ME (which he has done once).

    I felt pressure to defend myself I guess. So maybe I could have said “I feel defensive”?

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 5:02am

  722. 722: silver moonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    Fw thank you.

    Why do I have such fear of giving out my phone number to men?

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 5:02am

  723. 723: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    maybe he’s out phucking somebody…Ouch…Sadness!

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 5:03am

  724. 724: silver moonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    I am afraid of men.

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 5:03am

  725. 725: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    Im only now seeing some comments,..the mobile site had a lag.

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 5:05am

  726. 726: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    Oh yay I am so excited! A close friend of mine who I’ve not seen in over a year will be in town tomorrow and we’re catching up for lunch. My eldest daughter just LOVES her, so she’s almost (if not more!) excited than I am!

    We organised this earlier today.

    Then 5 minutes ago, a male friend (who I met through the gf above) messaged me, asking me to the lunch he promised we’d meet up for a YEAR ago! lol

    He’s married but very cute. And I’m not attracted to him “that” way, but he is soooo fun and we always laugh heaps when we’re together. So we’re meeting Thursday. Woohoo!

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 5:08am

  727. 727: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    SMB I am ok with giving out my mobile number but never my home number.

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 5:09am

  728. 728: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    thanks Smile….thanks FW…

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 5:09am

  729. 729: SirenityNo Gravatar says:

    BW This feels confusing to read . Yes , acting “as if” in a relationship when he has clearly stated its not a relationship leaves it looking like FWB only. I can understand you wanting to end a FWB relationship that is not bringing you what you need. He is off living his life and throwing you a cookie every 3 days so you will be there when he returns…hmmm…feels bad.
    I also recall him wanting children of his own.

    I feel pleased you are moving on and I just hope you take time to meet a good man that is in the same place as you are.

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 5:09am

  730. 730: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    I felt pressure to defend myself I guess – this to me is all you talking to yourself. Your perspective. It had nothing to do with him. If there is no attack, why would there be a need to defend?

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 5:10am

  731. 731: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Heart, do you have anything to lose sending Cuddly a message? How would you feel if he never replied. If you skipped on a few dates and other people are telling you that he thinks you lost interest…I probably would send a last lighthearted message just to see if this is true.
    He then should pursue you though….and anyway, I always feel if a man doesn’t try anymore he wasn’t ll that interested, but then I have heard from several men that my leaning back has caused them to feel ‘brushed off’…so perhaps it depends on the character….

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 5:11am

  732. 732: SirenityNo Gravatar says:

    SMB , I am a little scared of them too :)

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 5:11am

  733. 733: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Throwing a cookie – As time goes by I realize I have also started to feel triggered by this kind of comment. I think of the bouquet throwing at weddings. Do I have to participate? Waiting around like a dog, salivating with my tongue hanging out, focussed on what I expect to be tossed my way? What does that say about me?

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 5:13am

  734. 734: SirenityNo Gravatar says:

    I farewelled long distance CD who kept jumping me in the street :) I told him I didnt feel chemistry for him. This was the most blunt i ever was to a guy and speaking the truth felt empowering!

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 5:14am

  735. 735: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    I don’t send messages when I am clear on my energy that I am seeking to do or get something. I am okay when I am sure I am blase.

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 5:14am

  736. 736: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    729 Sirenity – EXACTLY. It basically WAS FWB. Ick.

    The thing is, he was treating me like I “should” have been acting like a gf, basically putting his needs before my friend’s. So he would get mad when I went out with them while he sat at home alone. But he never had ANY problem going out with his friends guilt-free!

    And yep the throwing the cookie things feels really bad to me too. I want and need better than that. And I’m now sure it’s not him I want giving me better…

    The children thing was always up in the air. He was very non-committal about it. He would say that he may adopt one day but he hadn’t decided.

    And thank you. I feel good about moving on too. And although NWG is NOT the man for me (I am sooo trying to get away from work people), he has actually helped me to see that. Yay for NWG!!! 😀

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 5:15am

  737. 737: TamNo Gravatar says:

    ((Smile)) I fell into a big hole mentally when I had to stay with my Dad…and so uncomfortable…and when he kind of confirmed that they saw me more as a nuisance and that at over 30, I should have my life in order, every day I felt unwanted and stressed….so even though you don’t have that, I can well understand the stresses of moving back home….it will be fine, you are doing it to buy your own home…be proud of yourself for having that ambition :)

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 5:16am

  738. 738: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    I learned from Rene Pianee to even say “You are hot, sexy and I feel totally turned on to you but I don’t feel we are a match”

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 5:16am

  739. 739: SirenityNo Gravatar says:

    Interesting trigger FW. My dog triggered me for a while when he hangs around waiting for a dropped crumb or piece of vegetable peel!!! I realised I was acting like my dog a few years ago. Now I just laugh :)

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 5:16am

  740. 740: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Doesn’t the man have a right to throw a cookie if that is what HE wants to do? I am remembering the saying “you can’t stop a bird from flying over your head but you can certainly stop it from making a nest on it”.

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 5:18am

  741. 741: SirenityNo Gravatar says:

    FW I didnt feel he was hot or sexy..I felt NO attraction or chemistry. So I said ” I feel friendly towards you and enjoy sharing some of the things we have in common but I just havent felt that chemistry spark !

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 5:19am

  742. 742: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    FW yes it was my perspective, and possibly because I am in the midst of “purging” something that is not feeling good to me.

    Maybe I felt pressure to handle that plus this guy’s request for a call.

    He was very apologetic though, so I’m not holding this one against him. :)

    Hopefully he’ll want to meet before he heads back to work (he works several hours from my city but comes back every two weeks).

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 5:20am

  743. 743: SirenityNo Gravatar says:

    He is not wrong for offering crumbs, he is not wrong for not commiting , he is not wrong for wanting FWB..those things just arent what I want for ME in MY life.

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 5:22am

  744. 744: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    TH has done nothing wrong. Problem (for him) though is that he is wrong for me and what I want.

    It just took me a while to work that out – and to truly believe that there was better out there…

    It’s funny because earlier today I was wondering why NWG was in my life all of a sudden. Why was he flirting with me? Why did he invite me for that drink last Friday? And why on earth do I feel so attracted to him?????

    Now I think I know. I needed him to appear while TH was away so I could have the freedom to explore what my life would be like without him in it, and with the attention of other men from unexpected places.

    And to be honest, I’m absolutely loving it right now.

    Tonight I’ve been talking to three different men (not including my extremely brief exchange with TH), one of which I know is interested, one I’m not 100% sure of, but we talk almost every day now (FBD), and the other just a friend.

    When TH is around, I cut off all contact with other men – and it’s not intentional. I think I just have that “back off” vibe when he’s around me… weird…

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 5:28am

  745. 745: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Feeling a little flat this morning. I had a lovely night out – but all couples. Normally I don’t feel excluded and I didn’t at all, and one couple took amazing care of me, picking me up and inviting me for drinks and food and they are a very kind couple. I listened to the music and felt melancholic, there were so many couples in love dancing and gazing into each others eyes….and I felt warmth exuding from that…and suddenly longing. And then I felt longing for the 50% of my social circle that I lost because of ‘you know who’, and our conversations under starry skies and so on. And the fact that I am now doin the same things with the same people all the time and they are all couples, as the other 50% of my social circle were more or less like me and it made me feel so much more at ease and included. I also felt teary when my friends asked me ‘what happened’ with, well you know, and how my ‘love life’ was. And then they looked sad for me and I felt worse, like I did not want them to feel sad and I wanted to change the conversation. Sigh.
    So there was a whole lot of longing going on and it kind of survived the night. Wow.
    I thought I was done with longing and wondering and so on.
    Guess I am almost doen because as I write this I feel better and quite accepting of everything. One of the couples had not seen me after I had split up with my bf…and I heard him say to the other guy ‘what happened with her boyfriend, he was a nice guy, where is he?’ And my friend was stuttering and saying ‘oh you know things sometimes don’t work out, it’s a long story, it’s just one of those things’.
    Crikey. I wanted to bawl when I overheard that.

    And now MrNap is here…urgh. On the weekends, when he can’t actually do his job, he is here super early just to make sure I don’t have any time to myself when I could actually sleep in. I feel bad saying it but that’s how it seems…I guess he just wants to get away from wifey on the weekends. Jeepers. Raaah. I feel ungrateful, but I am grateful actually…

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 5:30am

  746. 746: SirenityNo Gravatar says:

    It feels good for the man to be clear about what he wants and throw as many whole cookies or just crumbs as he likes as long as he is HONEST about his intention to throw cookies and not offer a whole lunch! It feels good to recognize crumbs when they fall at our feet.

    And as long as he ACCEPTS “no thank you, i want lunch ..I dont eat cookies” and takes his cookie bag elsewhere and stops hanging around leaving a trail of yummy crumbs ….

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 5:31am

  747. 747: TamNo Gravatar says:

    I have decided to be extra gentle and good to myself today. I might take myself downtown for a museum and lunch or something…I feel guilty for spending money when I am on a super-tight budget, but today I feel deserving of a little luxury. I really do, because I am and I love myself.

    And here a little anecdote from an old man I once knew, whose wife had died a couple of years prior. He always, religiously, every morning laid a breakfast table like a feast, all kinds of meats, breads and juices….like he was going to a luxurious buffet. I once said to him that I usually just grab a quick bite or cereal…and he said:
    ‘well, I have decided that I love myself, and when I always used to do this while my wife was still alive, I consciously decided that I would carry on to provide myself with a feast for my eyes and stomach every day, because, well, I am not angry with myself, am I? So why would I punish myself and take my simple pleasures away? Because my wife passed away? Isn’t that even more reason to treat myself well and with love and care?’

    Ladies, this was probably 20 years ago and I was a teenager when I heard this, and it stuck with me ever since. What a great attitude to have!

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 5:40am

  748. 748: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    Sirenity, yes, I agree with that. TH wasn’t offering me the relationship, but got mad whenever I acted like I wasn’t in one. WTH????

    I couldn’t win, no matter what I did.

    He also told me before he went away that he didn’t consider himself “single”, whatever that means!

    Oh well. What’s done is done. I don’t hate him – in fact, I’m grateful for the lessons and for the many things he has done for me over the last 2.5 years, and I just hope he can find whatever it is he’s looking for. :)

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 5:40am

  749. 749: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    Wow…I used rose-colored bath crystals and bought an extra creamy body wash….I feel so hmmmmm right now…I hope Dominique posts her tension video soon…This technique is so amazing…

    I still feel a heavy sadness though…
    I feel scared…
    I feel anxious…Something is afoot…I can feel it…
    I feel peace…
    I feel love for myself…
    I feel proud of myself for treating myself well tonight…
    I feel sleepy….

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 5:53am

  750. 750: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    Cookies…did someone mention Cookie?
    Where’s the cookie?(*’▽’*)!

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 6:03am

  751. 751: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    750 Heart – Haha! 😀

    These aren’t the type of cookies you would want – trust me! 😉

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 6:05am

  752. 752: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    Tam – I feel this is a real test of my siren power. The last time you leaned forward with That-Guy it was to get over him and move on right? Did it work…did contacting him help u?

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 6:07am

  753. 753: TamNo Gravatar says:

    752, yes, it did. Now I feel totally accepting of everything. Doesn’t mean I feel happy, but accepting, so yes.
    But I did not contact him to get a reaction, quite the contrary. I contacted him to speak my mind and clear up misunderstandings and let it go.
    And so far, I feel it worked for me…else I would always have thought ‘but I never spoke the truth’.

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 6:10am

  754. 754: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    BW – lol…oooh

    Tam – I would feel embarassed and angry if I wrote him and he didnt respond. But my interaction with CudG actually ended 2 years ago…He emailed me and I never responded be ause I was moving and didnt care too much…and then this year I was in his city..and he contacted me.

    I know this is weird…but I sometimes think he is testing me…but I try not to think from his point of view.

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 6:13am

  755. 755: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    753 – Tam – I know….u explained that some time ago…
    I was talking about the time u wrote & offered to help him…wasn’t that like an opening for him?

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 6:16am

  756. 756: SirenityNo Gravatar says:

    It feels really important and peaceful to fully understand its good and right for a man to offer FWB only, or a part time relationship or whatever it is he is able to offer..what he is CAPABLE of offering.

    The offer is something I appreciate and respect . I just dont accept it because it isnt what i want.

    The problem comes if I make a judgement that he is wrong to want what he wants.

    And if I make another judgement that i must not be “good enough” or else he would want a real relationship with me..well then that feels BAAAAAD…

    Its all in my head , its all my stuff and its all in my power to decide and choose what feels GOOOOOD.

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 6:16am

  757. 757: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    I ask because I don’t want to be thinking of CudG at the end of november…
    This is falling into imaginary relationship territory…

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 6:18am

  758. 758: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    756 Sirenity – I’ve been guilty of feeling not good enough with TH.

    But now I know that it’s just that he’s not able to offer me what he wants. I do truly believe that he wants to feel differently. But it is what it is.

    I’ve been coming across as angry at him too, I know. And I know it’s because I’m actually angry at ME for accepting this!

    He never had a gun at my head, forcing me to accept this situation. I CHOSE to be there because I love him.

    Problem is, no love in the world is ever going to make him be the right man for me.

    I’m feeling less sad and more peaceful now… :)

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 6:20am

  759. 759: TamNo Gravatar says:

    755 Heart, it was a last ditch attempt at seeing if there was point in rescuing a friendship…. it was a very factual/non feeling messages email…’just friends’ and so on – and that’s what riled him…the outburst of anger.
    Then I was turned off and told him that I feel accepting of the way things are and don’t want this type of communication anymore. Amongst other things. It was a nice email, but my feelings and truth about the ‘subject’
    Then he went straight back on the dating website…I saw it because I am on there too.
    He had the chance to reply with honest and authentic communication, like what I had thrown him (and believe me, it was not easy to do that – I am not good at speaking my truth, especially in feeling messages). He didn’t, and I also wasn’t expecting it – but he had the chance.
    So for me, it’s done, friendship and all and I do not feel the need to see him to confirm this.
    Ever since I spoke my truth, I feel really at peace…with myself mostly.

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 6:28am

  760. 760: TamNo Gravatar says:

    757 Heart, if you let him go and CD, you’ll think of him less and less. Trust me, this works.

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 6:29am

  761. 761: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    Tam – It’s not so easy just to let go. You did a lot of leaning forward in order to get to the point where you spoke your truth…. Maybe getting hurt and crushing the hope is the only way to really get beyond something?

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 6:43am

  762. 762: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    I don’t know..this is good Forget Closure practice I suppose…

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 6:45am

  763. 763: TamNo Gravatar says:

    761 ‘a lot of leaning forward’ – not really Heart. The offer of help email was the first time I contacted ‘first’ in a year or so.
    It didn’t feel like leaning forward either, because it wasn’t to get him to come to me, it was an attempt to see if there was something in the way of the friendship that could be rescued, remember, him and friends were 50% of my social life here…I feel a little puzzled at why I feel like defending myself, perhaps the words ‘a lot of leaning forward’ triggered me when I never actually contacted first..hmmmm

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 6:46am

  764. 764: MissStixNo Gravatar says:


    I wasn’t debating with you…I responded to something someone else said, and you referrenced me. I felt an epiphany a few days ago (and I wrote about it when I felt it) and it applied to what tam said. I also desire to freely express what I feel reading any words here.

    I feel disheartened to see that mercedes cheering me on feels catty to you, but if the blog is feeling catty lately I want to actively do my part to eliminate that. Not contribute to it. I have no claws, I promise you. I have no ill thoughts towards anyone. I have no ill words for anyone. I feel hope that many people see the truth in that.

    I feel sucked into something I don’t understand. I also feel something missing. I don’t fully comprehend what the issue is…I feel accused of being disingenuous. I don’t feel triggered. I just feel a little stumped.

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 6:51am

  765. 765: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    Anyway – if I do lean forward it will completely change the enery exchange between me and CudG…
    And when we were seeing each other…I loved that he made all the moves and I could be in girl energy…I felt right…

    If I contact him…that energy dynamic will completely shift…which is a turn off…Also I would be teaching him that its ok to drop m cuz I will come running…Eek. How horrible…
    I guess I’m stuck…
    I miss his cuddley ways!…I want him to snuggle me so bad. ( -_-)

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 6:51am

  766. 766: MissStixNo Gravatar says:

    I also didn’t read past last night, so don’t know if anything else has bern said since then.

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 6:52am

  767. 767: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    763 – Tam – Didn’t you contact him when you got to Florida? And a couple of times after that? Also writing and offering to help him is leaning forward..Writing and telling him your truth is leaning forward too…Imo
    Also referencing him today that – he is sitting in your chat…also shows that you stil holding on…to me.
    I could be wrong…

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 7:00am

  768. 768: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    Tam – also I feel a litte grouchy tonight and I guess I feel a little jealous and triggered when I come on here and read about sirens leaning forward and pretending to “rock star” it….to me if your coming on here and talking about a man for months/weeks….you’re not rock starring anything. It’s obvious when a siren is invested.

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 7:12am

  769. 769: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    I guess my Little Girl is just feeling sulky and like – All of you go play on the swings and then you tell me not to play on the swings!
    I want to give into the fear.

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 7:18am

  770. 770: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    But then part of me is like….maybe it’s not Fear…only …
    Maybe a part of me…Just kinda likes CuddleyGrinch.

    He backed away….and I got some time space and distance…to realize..I Like Him…I miss him…he means something to me.

    I want the relationship I want…but I also want to be with a man I like too…

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 7:25am

  771. 771: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    Miss Stix – gosh I really need to scroll up and reread all that…but I feel kind of lazy and I myself have sort of forgotten what it was all about…

    Anyway…I feel grateful for your explanation…and think maybe a misunderstanding took place. I felt triggered….I guess maybe somewhere inside myself I want to enchant and spellbind a man…so maybe I feel criticised by myself for wanting this :P. Maybe I am judging myself for wanting thid somewhere inside. Also, we are on a relationship coach website so maybe I just don’t believe that you don’t really want to subconsciously. Either way Communicating with a mam and leaning back etc are all part of enchanting a man IMO.
    That is how I define Enchanting a man.
    What do you mean by it?

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 7:51am

  772. 772: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:



    I love the way you wrote that so eloquently. your words really resonate with me.

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 8:01am

  773. 773: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    RE 745 Tam for some reason I am seeing a positive in the “couple” situation. I am wondering if the Universe put these people in your life to help you to the “couple” status that you so long for? I wonder if moving you out of the singles crowd is a nudge forwards to your desire? I wonder if it is to help them get a sense of the type of man that you really like so they can keep their eyes and ears open? My humble opinion is if they know someone in their circle he would likely be more compatible with you than a stranger on a dating website. I encourage you, like for the silver lining in this experience. The Universe has some unique ways of surprising us when we least expect it.

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 8:01am

  774. 774: MercedesNo Gravatar says:

    Heart: I don’t generally blog on the weekends but I saw your comment on my phone last night and I have no idea what this means:

    “Mercedes and her cheerng on of Miss Stix and Daria”

    MissStix and I were having a conversation about a color run because she said something that reminded me of it.

    I was trying to heal a year’s old issue with Daria.

    That’s it. Not sure how you got involved or how I was being catty but would love to hear what happened. I’m soooo sorry if I said something to upset you. I never chimed in on the “enchanting” conversation you were all having (because I don’t know the answer and I don’t really have an opinion on it so I didn’t really have anything to say) but that’s what you were talking about when I signed off yesterday evening. Am I missing a different conversation????

    Help me understand please…

    Much Love,

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 8:32am

  775. 775: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    Mercedes – I don’t feel like scrolling up and finding the conversation…I will just choose trust and say: oh I feel happy to read that there was no malice on your end …and that I was triggered and misunderstood the conversation..
    And I feel glad you took the time out of your weekend to clear up my bad feelings.

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 8:48am

  776. 776: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    PS i dont feel like scrolling up cuz im on my phone and it’s tedious…and there are a lot of posts so sift through…

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 8:50am

  777. 777: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Heart – ohh I feel compassion ((((heart))))

    I know the piny feeling. Sometimes, I choose to lean forward ‘as an experiment’ (Rori encourages this).

    The mindset is ‘Experiment’ since its all practice anyway. And the experiment is to be very very mindful and observe exactly what I’m feeling while I’m taking those ‘lean forward actions.

    I’ve discovered I feel : ‘anxiety’ ‘thrill’

    Then sometimes ‘pleasure’. And ‘low self esteem’. ‘uncomfortableness

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 9:13am

  778. 778: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    ‘a dull heartache… ‘feeling not at ease/ walking on eggshells

    ‘control tightness

    ‘ return of anxiety quickly after the interaction.

    All in all not good, mixed in a some pleasure, and return to the anxious feeling state soon after – not long term fulfilling and not secure.

    So slowly I’ve been phasing out this behavior. I still occasionally do it. The less invested, the less insecurity and dull ache.

    I feel intrigued by the experiment, it helps me to Experience in my feelings what leaning forward feels like? (who said its ‘bad’ ? It’s not, it just doesn’t feel good). I know that as the idea, but to Experience it through my feelings gets me more intimately in contact w it, and I can then choose if I want to feel that way based on that experience. ( ie, I slowly start to have less urge, cuz I start remembering – in my feelings – how awful it felt).

    So I say, if I asiren is willing and interested to observe herself feeling triggered and crappy, experimenting w leaning forward can help get a more first hand understanding of why it sux and it’s not a good idea. Lol. :)

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 9:20am

  779. 779: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    (((( Flower child)))). What a brave inspiration of a woman you are, allowing yourself to feel bad and choosing to heal completely. I feel moved deeply.

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 9:26am

  780. 780: MercedesNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks Heart. If you find the time to look back at the posts when you are near a PC, I would really appreciate that. I’m trying hard to use words that allow people here to see ME and to hear what I’m trying to get across. If I said something that seemed catty to you, I would like to read it and try to see it from your point of view so that I can learn what would have been more acceptable words to use. I really want to work on that with most of the women here. It would mean a lot to me.

    Much Love,

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 9:27am

  781. 781: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Flower child – I am crying right now. I get my confirmation that I can live and make life into love thru anything. Sobbing and crying. This feels so personally supportive to me. I feel like mother earth is holding me and I’m finally safe. Crying away my fear that I wouldn’t be able to, that I wasn’t safe, that I could be forever in pain.

    Thank you so much for being on this blog you beautiful soul.

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 9:30am

  782. 782: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Wooh. Hot tears. I love this fulfilling magical being and life. Me.

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 9:31am

  783. 783: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Virginia – Thank you for sharing your experience on using guided imagery to shift your thoughts and experience

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 9:36am

  784. 784: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    Heart, wow I’m glad I revisited the ebook now. Lots of useful stuff in there.

    Okay so there’s a LOT around this in the book and I highly recommend it for your situation (from what I read in your other post) More than I can share here. It’s not expensive if I can recall.

    He describes how to approach an ex in a way that’s “demure, respectful and classy” and says “taking a single risk is often very vulnerable and endearing”
    If you ex hasn’t made contact, he suggests doing it in person or a phone call. He tells you exactly what to say and what to do. It compliments roris work. It’s not about ‘chasing’ a man.

    What do you think? I agree with daria and Tam.

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 9:44am

  785. 785: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    Tam / FW


    Oo I love this! Tell yourself a different story and all that! I love this blog 

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 9:47am

  786. 786: SmileNo Gravatar says:


    Yes, your right. I have high aspirations for owning my own home. I’m so determined to treat myself in this way. I want to decorate!!!

    I’m finally feeling settled. Cooking some yummy food tonight 

    My fear is that it doesn’t look good to potential guys. First impressions and all that. ‘oh, she lives at her parents still’
    I want guys to see past this. I’ve been thinking a lot bout it lately.

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 9:50am

  787. 787: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Heart – ops I looked back and saw me mentioned, and I feel confused. I feel a bit panicky… I don’t get it… You don’t want me to be cheered on? What’s going on

    I feel lost …I was on the same page as you, I also want to enchant ie attract men.

    Ohhhh I remember I got triggered by the ‘natural’ word. Well yes I feel better thinking of me practicing these tools as ‘natural’ not unnatural just cuz I’m using conscious choice to do so.

    I ‘get’ tho your point, like of I didn’t pay any attention to it and just let my subconscious do it, that may in one perspective be more ‘natural’

    However taking a broader view I’ve been trying out abd consciously choosing approaches to attract men since I was 5 years old ( grimacing holding the juice glass ‘like a lady’ cuz it may attract neighbor kid – I got that idea from something outside of me too ) , so it’s never been ‘natural’ as in without my thought… Just now I’m using information resources that work hehe

    So who knows part of this practice is to undo the patterns that I learned that don’t work (grimacing and juice glass holding) and revealing a more ‘natural’ me… Like a vulnerable me before I learned defense strategies… And also my Desire to Attract is natural (to me) Ive had it apparently since the start of my life… As is my desire to learn and implement behaviors… Still natural, all animals do this

    So I’m kinda debunking to myself the idea of ‘natural’ and it’s working – and I still feel a bit triggered – and it’s not your fault, and I get the pov, I just don’t want to hold it myself lol and I kinda do so tryna talk w myself to get a diff view firmly in place.

    Cuz I don’t want to feel embarassed or ashamed or think something is wrong w me for using information I find to practice ways of being. Which is what gets truggered for me.

    Oh I get it , it’s like dancing, or biking where I learn the steps and finally they’re set and then when I allow my spirit to flow I’m biking, naturally, but still learned it w consciousness.

    Or even like walking.

    Ahhhh thank you do much for the trigger. I will want to step myself thru this process some more.

    I judge harshly when people are trying too hard, or, not doing it naturally but ‘fake’ etc. no room for error, either talented perfection – natural… Or else fake and will never be as good. Music, sports, attracting others. This thought I learned – Dad, mom – I want to shift it now. Thanks Daria.

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 9:51am

  788. 788: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Smile – they look past those masculine style evaluation things. I find my own insecurity and anxiety around it though, def causes snagging points.

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 9:52am

  789. 789: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    Daria – Wow. That is so true! (that’s the second time I’ve written that to you this thread). Awesome advice. I feel glad for the compassion.

    Smile – Good stuff. Thank you for the info! I’m digesting it all and will respond…

    After I scroll up and Re-read the enchant-a-man situation…
    Scrolling up …

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 10:02am

  790. 790: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks heart :) I feel all beamy

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 10:09am

  791. 791: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks daria, that feels reassuring. I don’t see it as long term. More a means to an end. But at 29 I feel a little disappointed in myself and I Want to change this.

    I’ve always felt like I want to buy a home with a man. I still do but the biggest shift in my thinking is I don’t need a man. I can buy a hOme myself. Yet me not putting my life on hold waiting for a man to achieve my dream.

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 10:17am

  792. 792: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    Mercedes – I unfairly thought that by cheering on Ms Stix and Daria…you were indirectly booing me. Since the comments they were making was spawn from previous comments about enchanting a man, I felt chastised. I can see now this is not the case looking at the actual comments you responded too. I would right I’m sorry but I don’t feel sorry….I feel good about this whole thing…I feel like I’m learning something. I feel sorry about not feeling sorry.

    I made the post about the Enchant a man showed up in my email and I was curious about the secret mentioned in the video. This spawn a comment from Tam and an agreement by Ms. Stix and a comment by Daria.
    From that I took it to mean : Wanting to unnaturally enchant a man = BAD.
    Naturally connecting with a man = Good.
    As stated before: I guess Maybe I secretly desire to Enchant, bewitch, spellbind a man (hehe)…naturally, unnaturally I dont really care…Sure I attract men but attracting men…and enslaving them and having them begging you for commitment is a whole other story. Consciously I cannot bring myself to admit I want that Superpower because I judge it as tacky… and inwardly I am ashamed of this desire. But it must be there because I want to know the secret in the video and I watched the video.

    I felt like Ms Stix and Daria were saying if someone wanted that she is a bad person. I can see neither was saying this.Also I would rather just learn and grown like everyone…

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 10:56am

  793. 793: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Where is Memulo????????????????

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 11:09am

  794. 794: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    #787 Daria – …Once again I feel amazed at how you can know and describe your inner workings so well. You make me believe in Rori. I guess the relationship we all want is with ourselves.

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 11:10am

  795. 795: Goddess LilyNo Gravatar says:

    556 – Daria,

    You goddess genius, thank you!

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 11:23am

  796. 796: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    I have been taking lovely care of myself still:)
    I got a brazilian wax last night(thanks fw, for the idea a looong time ago) and I have to say I just love them!

    Then I bundled up in comfy clothes and met my girl for dinner at a good chinese restaurant

    and i went straight home after because her cynical attitude is a bit much for very long (THANK YOU, STARLA, FOR DOING THAT)

    I got a long night’s sleep and when i woke up, i cleaned and went to the store and bought some things i needed, and then i cleaned the bathroom and cooked myself breakfast

    and life feels light and fresh and clean, which is a feeling i adore

    and now i’m working on something at the coffee shop… making some extra money:)

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 11:23am

  797. 797: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    #784 – Smile – Im going to experiment and see how I feel about the whole thing tomorrow…I guess I’ll draft an email and hover around the send button and see what emotions crop up.
    Smile – I like what you wrote and I will give it consideration…but I just realized while thinking about your words that in this whole month CudG has only made 2 FB posts. Something about it seems off. Hmm.

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 11:29am

  798. 798: Goddess LilyNo Gravatar says:

    617 – Tam,
    HA, HA, and might I add…..HA!!!

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 11:30am

  799. 799: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Smile – i like to think that a man will gladly and be honoured to provide a home for me all on his own, with no help from me

    just like he can cook from me no help for me

    i may choose to participate just cuz it would feel fun… sigh.. that may feel a bit tricky but i do want to have the option to navigate that if i want to (participate) as i can be an adventurous hands on girl sometimes

    right now it would feel great to have a man to help me build the house i want to build (natural beautiful eco house)

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 11:31am

  800. 800: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks Heart :) wow cool i feel glad to be seen as in touch with my ‘workings’ hehe awww i love iron clock me mmm magic

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 11:33am

  801. 801: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Wow thanks Goddess Lily ! hehe

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 11:33am

  802. 802: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    “Maybe I secretly desire to Enchant, bewitch, spellbind a man (hehe)…naturally, unnaturally I dont really care…Sure I attract men but attracting men…and enslaving them and having them begging you for commitment is a whole other story. Consciously I cannot bring myself to admit I want that Superpower because I judge it as tacky… and inwardly I am ashamed of this desire.” ~ Heart

    mouth open!

    omg! i’ve been judging myself ! even tho i know i want this and declare it proudly – (well not ‘enslave’ but something like irresistable wd be a good word for me which amounts to the same thing hahah oh ok i see i see… yes irresistibly attract a man to service me

    i also judge it as “evil” and “bad” and “wounded” and “sick” and “what men fear” and “horrible” “dishonest” “the worst a woman can do”

    and its showing up for me from men!

    and i want to heal this!

    and i feel thrilled and giddy and dancy around to see this!

    thank you for the trigger so much!

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 11:38am

  803. 803: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    “Maybe I secretly desire to Enchant, bewitch, spellbind a man (hehe)…naturally, unnaturally I dont really care…Sure I attract men but attracting men…and enslaving them and having them begging you for commitment is a whole other story. Consciously I cannot bring myself to admit I want that Superpower because I judge it as tacky… and inwardly I am ashamed of this desire.” ~ Heart

    mouth open!

    omg! i’ve been judging myself ! even tho i know i want this and declare it proudly – (well not ‘enslave’ but something like irresistable wd be a good word for me which amounts to the same thing hahah oh ok i see i see… yes irresistibly attract a man to service me

    i also judge it as “e*vil” and “bad” and “wounded” and “sick” and “what men fear” and “horrible” “dishonest” “the worst a woman can do”

    and its showing up for me from men!

    and i want to heal this!

    and i feel thrilled and giddy and dancy around to see this!

    thank you for the trigger so much!

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 11:40am

  804. 804: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    Anyway….I feel really cleansed and supported…I feel healed.

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 11:40am

  805. 805: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    wow HandsomeNewOrleans CD just showed up again and we’re flirting and i okayed him to send me a *wow* picture lol

    and um… it looks amazing! its like the best pic of a man and his papi thang i ever seen… its like ARtistic

    and his dick just looks dope


    i love it when that happens you know, pictures of dicks aren’t always the “thing” lol

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 11:45am

  806. 806: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Starla I find myself holding a belief that Memulo left because she was pissed at me for not support her when she was writing about her guy. The a lesser extent also Siren Angel. Though I have come to accept that maybe at times we don’t want to consider what other people see as the truth of their experience. We just want what we want.

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 11:46am

  807. 807: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    he just took it right now! too!


    freakin artistic i never seen one like this he looks like a statue

    i wish i could post pics of men w dicks on FB lol but i dono if thats allowed

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 11:46am

  808. 808: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i’m freakin saving this as a screensaver

    talk about pics of men that look like gods hubba hubba

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 11:48am

  809. 809: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    its cool cuz you can see his face too and his ‘tool’ in the foreground…

    its like

    michealangelos david with a huge attractive hard thing!

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 11:48am

  810. 810: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i feel guilty that in his wow picture he looks a little like my best friends husband . who is attractive a bit oh well
    *guilty?* pleasure? kinda feels like a thrill

    i know her man’s thang isn’t like this tho from what she’s said so i feel glad im enjoying the sight of this one

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 11:53am

  811. 811: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    old best friend. NOt my godsister

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 11:54am

  812. 812: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    lol i feel guilty

    im *always* attracted to my friends men – judgement

    i do think this about msyelf


    i feel panicked


    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 11:55am

  813. 813: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    interesting… i had no idea. what made you choose to actively NOT support them, instead of just backing off?

    i get the sense from reading your comment that it’s pretty important to you that people see things your way when you feel strongly about what you believe you’re observing about them.

    i hope memulo and SA come back, if they’re really gone.

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 11:57am

  814. 814: Goddess LilyNo Gravatar says:

    Daria and FW,

    Regarding men being used to women chasing them, would winking back on match be chasing? I did it once before and I did get an email back but the guy wanted me to look at his profile and let me know if I saw anything interesting. I felt immediately turned off. In my mind, when I winked back I was giving him the green like to step up and “be the man.” And I perceived his response as lazy.

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 11:57am

  815. 815: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    Flowerchild – 638 – I feel so delighted and relieved to hear you are feeling better. YAY YOU!!!

    It does continue to get easier, bit by bit.

    Pea protein is great as is hemp protein. I prefer the latter, as it’s more complete is more way than just protein content.


    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 11:58am

  816. 816: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Goddess Lily – nope to me it would just be responding … (though i usually don’t do it cuz i get lots of messages and don’t answer all those even, and that’s way more to respond to than a wink)

    in real life i would just smile and blush at a wink,

    so if i ‘wink’ back to me it amounts to that

    and he will take it from there (and if he asks me what that guy asked you, it would feel 😛 to me too ick)

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 11:59am

  817. 817: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Goddess Lily – however i feel a bit icky about ‘having to’ wink back at men to encourage them… shrug

    i don’t know why they wouldn’t be messaging, but it may be an anxiety around the vibe thing

    maybe winking back will help clear that up

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 12:02pm

  818. 818: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    “what made you choose to actively NOT support them, instead of just backing off?

    i get the sense from reading your comment that it’s pretty important to you that people see things your way when you feel strongly about what you believe you’re observing about them.”

    oooh so dope. i want to explore this about myself

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 12:05pm

  819. 819: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    FW – it wasn’t your fault…(((hugs))). You were being very helpful to memulo…

    and Siren Angel has showed up here a couple of times…she even gave me some lovely advice & comfort recently.

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 12:10pm

  820. 820: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Uh oh I feel triggered

    I’m having thoughts that I was too enthusiastic abt his Papi thang and may have scared him.

    ESP by saying I made it my phone screen saver. What if he’s private and got scared by that?

    Well I’m sure he can handle it.

    I was like I’ll have to change it back I feel scared my dad will accidentally see it.

    Then ironically my dad came and asked to see my phone 30 sec later… Lol! That Never happens

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 12:22pm

  821. 821: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Ohhhh I feel so glad I’m seeing this trigger

    I judge myself as weird and inappropriate and violating of others privacy and something wrong w me and attention whor and sick boundaries and icky and not safe

    For feeling confortable to display my man Papi thang and my own nakedness

    Sexual innocence!

    I’m healing all this yay :)

    And he just texted me

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 12:25pm

  822. 822: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    I feel all smily and under that dissapointed

    I don’t feel safe w him


    Aww that sux

    I feel so glad I’m aware and accepting of this

    I love my feelings


    I love my dissapontment

    Letting go so even happier outcomes can manifest

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 1:10pm

  823. 823: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    I feel so insecure w all these men greeting me where I’m at here

    I keep wanting to control

    Eeee feels uncomfortable

    I feel so glad I’m practicing

    Rooted in ma chair

    Ouch pain sadness fear

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 1:11pm

  824. 824: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    I found myself telling cd last night that I’m spamming cuz intense energy goes thru me. Kubdaliny. And then I felt a huge amount of it like a super hot golden light of it like a sun-lake in my pelvis

    Lol no wonder men are so attracted to me

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 1:14pm

  825. 825: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Not spamming, spasming.


    I spam for the dopamine rush

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 1:18pm

  826. 826: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    I am in a great place right now!!!!!

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 1:24pm

  827. 827: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    805- FW I feel really scared saying this but I felt the same. I just feel you were braver saying it.
    I chose to pass it by. I didn’t feel I could ‘advise’ as that not what were here to do. So I just didn’t say anything 

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 1:29pm

  828. 828: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    I feel giggly.

    Tams landing strip with lights. Starlas Brazilian. Darias Nani poof and papilloma thang!

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 1:35pm

  829. 829: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    799- daria, I get you On this, I really do.
    I’m trying to get past the ‘I want this for myself’ I don’t want to have to *wait* for a man to provide it for me.
    ((my independence))

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 1:38pm

  830. 830: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Wow the poor counselor at this office is so attracted to me :)

    Im finally getting it how to be open in public and not panic and take the first word

    And also how to pause and deeply listen rather than ‘me too’

    I feel so excited for when I will feel comfortable to look people in the eye for 6 sec and let myself be fully seen

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 1:45pm

  831. 831: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Ermmm..Heart, I am kinda feeling attacked above…not sure if you are unleashing your feelings regarding standing up Cuddley and now wanting to put it right again/contacting him – by homing in on my situation?
    I had told all my CD’s when exactly I was coming to Florida, and he had asked me 3 times and I had not given him an answer – which put him not only at an unfair advantage, it also set him up to failure.
    And why would I do that? It felt bad to set someone up for failure by keeping secrets…it’s playing games and I don’t want to do that anymore. Leaning back in order to ‘make’ a man contact me I consider as playing games also.
    I wonder, if I was in your position, I would also feel like setting Cuddley man up for failure by standing him up? Which is why there is maybe so much dwelling on the situation now?
    Perhaps it is easier to ‘let go’ when one thinks they have done the ‘right thing’ and can let it go?
    I don’t see how your situation compares to mine at all, but if it helps you to clarrify things, then do try to find some more ‘examples’ of where I have acted unsireny, because luckily I had forgotten them – which perhaps shows that I am not attaching as much significance to them…

    If it was me who had stood up a man, I would just drop him a line, instead of disecting someone on this blog. But that’s me.

    What do you think?

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 1:47pm

  832. 832: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Oops, I lashed out and feel bad now as I thought I would never do this again, even if I feel attacked and as though someone let out their frustrations on me.
    Oh, I feel triggered by my own response.
    Well, a slip up is ok when I feel misunderstood and paraded as a bad example.
    I feel better now.

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 1:49pm

  833. 833: TamNo Gravatar says:

    I actually feel unsafe to share here when I have to worry about someone parading me as a ‘bad example’. I never said I was perfect.
    I feel angry now.

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 1:50pm

  834. 834: TamNo Gravatar says:

    I don’t want that. I want people to express positive things and their feelings, not get all blamey.

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 1:51pm

  835. 835: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you FW about the couple thing, well I had never looked at it like that. It would feel comforting to look at it like that though. Hm

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 1:52pm

  836. 836: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Heart I feel appreciative of your comments. I can’t see in my comments where I said I actively chose not support. Anyways whatever.


    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 2:02pm

  837. 837: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Tam is the Sandy visit over?

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 2:07pm

  838. 838: Dancing SirenNo Gravatar says:

    Hello Sirens,

    Just checking in.

    I hope you are all well and I am feeling happy.

    Things are going well for me at the moment.

    Much love to all.

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 2:21pm

  839. 839: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    Hi dancing siren!

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 2:26pm

  840. 840: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    Femininewoman – batten down the hatches. it’s going to be ugly apparently, worse than last year’s hurricane.


    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 2:41pm

  841. 841: TamNo Gravatar says:

    836, yes FW, but very windy still and our roads are closed…beaches kind of destroyed, a little sad really…but yes, I am more worried about you and the people up there…I am really hoping it won’t be as bad as they forecase…keeping fingers crossed for you!

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 2:48pm

  842. 842: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    “Want To Learn The Secret Cure For Everything???

    Wouldn’t it be great if there was one secret formula that would cure everything that ails you from the common cold to heart disease!! Well…at this years T-Tapp Retreat, T-Tapp Trainer Jane Babcock and her brilliant sister Sue shared information about one natural formula that comes close!

    It is Liposomal C! “C” as in Vitamin C! As in the super vitamin that Linus Pauling (two-time Nobel laureate and the world’s foremost vitamin C proponent) spent much of his life studying and writing about. According to Pauling, the vitamin’s versatility in illness prevention arises from its role in the manufacture of collagen, the protein that gives shape to connective tissues and strength to skin and blood vessels.

    One of the great misfortunes of human evolution, Pauling explained, was when our human ancestors lost their ability to manufacture vitamin C. Pauling thinks the trait was probably discarded at a time when our ancestors had a diet of vitamin-rich plants and didn’t need to produce the vitamin themselves. This left today’s primates (including humans) as one of the few groups of animals that must get the vitamin through the diet.

    Ever since humans moved out of fruit-and-vegetable-rich habitats, Pauling said, they have suffered great deficiencies of vitamin C. Pauling has recommended that people make up for this deficiency with daily doses of vitamin C much greater than the 60 mg generally recommended.

    But here in lies the rub…you can only take Vitamin C until you hit “bowel tolerance”. I know you get the picture. Too much and you are running. Too little and you don’t get the full benefits of the super C.

    What if you could get 8 – 10 times the amount of vitamin C into your cells without having digestive issues? This is where the “liposomal” part comes in. You coat the vitamin C in a protective skin of lecithin. The lecithin is fat soluble (great source of choline) and it take it right in to the cells!

    You can buy Liposomal C in packets which would be very helpful if you travel a lot. But it is more expensive and I’ve heard it tastes terrible.

    Jane and Sue kept mixing up batches of it and we all were spooning into our little mouths all week right before doing our 2 hour workouts. We felt the amazing energy it gave us. Sue told us her husband has been eating it and dropped 20 pounds without doing anything else. What a great benefit of adding the lecithin to the mixture. Of course when we heard that, we all lined up for more. LOL!!!

    By the end of the retreat, we were all online ordering the ingredients because we didn’t want to stop taking it!!!

    And now (drum roll…)

    * * * * * * * * * ** * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

    Liposomal C recipe!

    Dissolve 3 heaping Tablespoons of Non-GMO soy lecithin granules or powder into 1 Cup lukewarm water

    In another glass, dissolve 1 heaping Tablespoon of organic rosehips powder into ½ Cup lukewarm water. The original recipe calls for ascorbic acid. We all decided to use the rosehips powder

    Stir often until both have dissolved completely.

    Put them together into a blender and blend 45 to 60 seconds on high until it thickens.

    Put the mixture into an ultrasonic cleaner (jewelry cleaner) and turn it on. Go 3 to 10 cycles.

    Put mixture into a glass container with lid and refrigerate.

    Is supposed to be good for a year if refrigerated

    Take 2 tablespoons a day first thing in morning on an empty stomach. Wait 15 minutes before eating!

    ‘Unfortunately, the ultrasonic cleaner is needed because of the ultrasonic vibrations that encapsulate the vit. C! That’s the key to the cellular absorption. You can get an inexpensive jewelry cleaner on amazon that will do the trick!'”

    ~ Renee Maclaughlin

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 2:57pm

  843. 843: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    Tam – I’m hearing it’s going to be bad. We’re preparing right now. Fortunately our landlord has two generators, so when we lose power, which we will, always do, we can still keep the fridge going and the sump pump, and the TV, the important things. lol

    Last year our basement flooded four feet, and we had no power for three days. They say it will be worse this time. We shall see.


    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 3:07pm

  844. 844: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you Sassy – Feeling so happy with my stuff.


    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 3:09pm

  845. 845: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    whoa i just got triggered terribly

    feeling very upset

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 3:20pm

  846. 846: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i love my trauma

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 3:32pm

  847. 847: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    burning some white sage around me

    still feeling traumatized

    felt clutched in my second chakra

    feel tight around my teeth

    some sob movements

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 3:43pm

  848. 848: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    ok starting to feel a bit ‘dezmortita’ . unnumbed

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 3:50pm

  849. 849: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    just read something very disturbing


    tongue still feels tight in the middle

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 3:50pm

  850. 850: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    feelin a lil better

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 3:56pm

  851. 851: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i love respecting men

    i love noticing how freakin masculine my dad is

    by the book lol

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 3:57pm

  852. 852: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    and all my brothers

    i used to notice how ‘feminine’ they were instead

    i have shifted

    i feel so pleased

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 3:57pm

  853. 853: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i am still feelin in shock from the trauma of what i read

    i feel open to help on how to gently ease and heal out of shock

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 4:00pm

  854. 854: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks ladies. I am hoping the forecast will change.

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 4:01pm

  855. 855: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i want to stop believing ‘life gives you trials’

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 4:03pm

  856. 856: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    in this shock space i actually feel a peace and able to see w fresh eyes

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 4:04pm

  857. 857: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    “i’ve been hit! woman down”

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 4:04pm

  858. 858: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    humor may help

    mm i feel my brain quickening out of alpha/trauma-induced state

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 4:05pm

  859. 859: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    im reading jokes but not laughing

    tiny hmmf now

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 4:07pm

  860. 860: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    im NOT having these experience to prepare me to be tough for the one huge awful experience that is coming to test me

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 4:07pm

  861. 861: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i laughed :)

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 4:08pm

  862. 862: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    ohhh now im laughing Loud!

    face still feels a lil numb around mouth and thoughts still going to think about the disturbing issue
    i feel more awake, not really thinking about the disturbing issue now

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 4:27pm

  863. 863: DariaNo Gravatar says:


    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 4:34pm

  864. 864: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you Daria for finding a supplement for my mom

    Thank you for finding that wonderful way to prepare vitamin C

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 5:15pm

  865. 865: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    5th chakra to tap on:

    ‘i can’t protect myself witout hurting others

    im not strong or powerful enough

    im too slow

    im not strong enough

    dont do anything

    just control the situation now

    dont let yourself be vulnerable

    be careful


    dont put yourself in a vulnerable position

    dont let yourself get hurt

    dont let yourself be played

    dont let yourself look stupid

    dont let her take advantage of you

    you know theyre gonna do the same thing they did before

    stop hanging out with these people

    why you hang out with these people

    how can yu expect something to be different

    you know how he is

    you know how she is

    this is too much for me

    i cant handle this

    they wont listen to me

    im not inspiring enough

    theyre suffering cuz im not good enough

    i cant help them

    no one will listen to me

    this is hopeless

    so sad

    nothing ever really changes

    its fine in me but outside shit is pretty much the same

    you can DIE if youre not careful

    breave people die

    be careful

    dont tell the truth to people you know want to hurt you!

    you cant trust animals

    wild animals will kill you

    ih you think its great but when it comes down to it, its not so easy

    just give up

    you cand do it all on your own

    you cant make it

    poor thing

    not all dreams come true

    broken dreams are everyehwere

    if prayers came true that lady wouldnt havr died from cancer

    you KNOW that is true

    so stop it

    be real

    be realistic

    be objective

    come back to earth

    tsop trying to be so weird

    why are you so weird

    how come youre the one with no one there to help you out wwhen you need it

    no one’s got your back

    your friends dont care about you

    when are you gonna give up and just be normal

    this is scary

    theres nothing you can do

    listen to everyone else

    listen to old people

    you cand just do whatever you want to

    people wouldnt be around longer than you if they didnt know better than you

    if you hang w people treated bad, youre gonna get treated bad

    and then no one will be able to hlep you

    this is dangerous

    girl attend to your proper social station

    hwen are you gonna grow out of this

    are you gonna be doing nothing forever

    youre so out there

    youre so in the clouds

    dont act without thinking

    dont do what you want without considering the possiblities carefully

    be rational

    you cant really trust that woo woo stuff


    organizing is boring

    organizing is soul sucking

    america is soul sucking

    modernity is soul sucking

    society is soul sucking

    you can never win

    youll never be free

    people will attack you”

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 5:52pm

  866. 866: bloom-ingNo Gravatar says:

    i’m feeling ok. pretty weird actually.

    have you guys been in a victoria’s secret lately ?

    well let me just say that they don’t carry my size. it doesn’t much matter. except they have so many freaking bras…. like, can’t they have one more shelf ? thanks.


    & i also feel pretty because i came home & put on my heels from my senior prom lol & i’m wearing leggings & a gold lace bra & a mesh black top. i literally look like a stripper. i feel happy. i love to dress up & i feel lovely now. thanks. i had my nails done & interrupted her to change my color (from one she suggested) & i’m glad. thank you, little girl. you are getting noisy & i love it.

    i’m getting repeatedly “triggered” as i live near a college town & there is a fad where the girls wear leggings as pants……. ok……. UMMMMMM i feel so protective like a mom & also defensive like a daughter. i’m caught so perfectly in the middle territory where i perfectly feel both sides……. it feels so mysterious & weird & i don’t feel judgmental at all i suppose….. but yet i feel so angry….. it has “to do with” the “fashion industry”…. ahhh… humans, but of course we do it to ourselves, so no worries i guess…..

    conclusions: leggings as pants ? ummmmmm have a bff double-check that for you, ladies. & remember, not all bff’s can be trusted to make that call. thank you. also, please remember to ask yourself this all-important question…..: “do i really want the entire state of colorado to know the outline of my genitals ? ”

    just saying…

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 5:54pm

  867. 867: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    “if you increase your power to protect yourself from attack, you will only attract bigger and worse and more devastating attacks

    if you attend the masonic universities you will be letting your soul be coopted to ‘their’ magic and you cannot win

    its lose lose

    theres always a diff story you have bought

    buddhism is right, no attachment

    feeling your feelings powerfully is something people do naturally not learn to do

    you’ll never have an easy natural healthy powerful life, cuz its not like that in this world

    its not gonna happen, unfortunately

    life is not like that

    the world is not like that nowadays

    what world do you live in

    i wish it were that easy , but its not

    theres no way you can mkae it

    if there was youd see it

    people wouldve made it already

    why cant you just make it easy on yourslef and stop trying to be different

    when are you gonan do somethign useful with your life

    something respectable that people in society can recognize

    what a waste

    your dreams will never come true anyway

    its a sham

    you shoulda been like einstein by now

    you shoulda written books by now

    i had such high hopes for you

    an dyou turned out to be nothing, a weird rebel

    who will accomplish nothing

    and will die without being known or remembered

    and bring no glory or fame to the family

    so disappointed


    so many heartbreaking stories of broken dreams

    the world is full of them

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 5:57pm

  868. 868: bloom-ingNo Gravatar says:

    love you, daria. ((((((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))))

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 6:01pm

  869. 869: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    “you cant trust people like that

    money ruins friendships

    money is an addiction

    money is not healthy to combine with relationships

    money is a huge deal and it breaks apart people

    how many awful things havent happened in this world for money

    you KNOW you cant trust people in money

    business is a machine

    business is happiness and compassion sucking

    compassion has no part in business

    you cant be that nice if you want to be business

    business works all day

    business works all night

    its non stop

    you gotta be cut out for it

    you gotta cut other people down

    you gotta know how to compete

    you either have it or you dont

    its an innate ability

    you would be good in business if only you could marekt

    sales are so sleazy

    theres something inherently dishonest about them

    stay away from that

    keep moeny away from your friendships

    dont give people money

    they will beceome addicted on you, and manipulate you and you will lose the frienship

    be careful with your money

    losint money is terrible

    saving money means sacrifice

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 6:02pm

  870. 870: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    thanks blooming! i was thinking about you earlier… i feel glad to see you here!


    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 6:02pm

  871. 871: bloom-ingNo Gravatar says:

    if i decide to be single, it will be legit SINGLE like i’m talking no men

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 6:03pm

  872. 872: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    Silver moonbeam regarding fear of men….what helped me was having a guy friend to hang out with totally platonic. I got used to being around masculine energy and then men approached me more often and with interest because I was more approachable

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 6:07pm

  873. 873: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    I would get nervous not know how to act around men who were atracted to me. I still feel that way sometimes

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 6:09pm

  874. 874: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    “workign out sux

    working out feels uncomfortable thats part of the process

    it has to feel hard for it to have benefit

    push hard

    you know its gonna feel hard

    you know its a drag

    uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuiiuuuuuuuu *says my cat*

    you KNOW it doesnt feel great and jolly

    theres no WAY youre just gonna do it without thinking

    working out takes WAYYY effort

    UGGGHH working out suuuuuxxxxx

    i dont like that sensation in my thighs
    i cant wait for this to be over

    i feel tired

    i dont like feeling tired

    wroking out feels tiring

    working out feels exhausting

    working out is such an effort geez

    you’re not disciplined enough

    too bad you’re not a person who enjoys working out

    there is NO WAY you’re just gonna jump up and work out the way you sit and write on the blog

    thats not how it works

    its just uncomfortable , cuz its meant to be

    the discomfort is how you build musc98e78le

    it HAst o be a drag

    no pain no gain

    when will you ever get it together and od it

    organizing and workign out are smiliar

    feels oooooo boring

    beauty rituals feel boring too

    this is too hard

    this is too tiring

    i dont want to do those

    i know no matter what i do, this perception is not gonna change


    so might as well give it up

    its safer to bleieve that its not goona cahnge

    because thats the truth

    the objective truth

    which is real reality

    and sometimes you just gotta keep it real

    there IS an objective reality, whether you like it or not

    and its good to keep your eye on it

    you;re fuc9ked

    you KNOW this will happen

    you can’t pass thru walls

    and workign out is not gonna be fun

    done deal

    no arguing with that

    if it was fun, you wouldve been doing it already

    but its not

    so youre not


    will you give up on this already?”

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 6:14pm

  875. 875: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Sat night, I was planning to go out and it didn’t happen. Yet again.
    I feel lonely, neglected, brushed aside.
    Not just 50% gone with the man and his friends and activities, the other 40% has evaporated also.
    Leaving me with a measly 10% of a social life with people who are older than my parents and the CD’s (which is work).
    I feel betrayed, like ‘this is not how it was 5 months ago’. 5 months ago my life here was so full with good things and excitement and ‘firsts’..first hockey games, first doing help-boaty things, first being asked to marry someone (I had two offers)…wuhoo.
    Now I sit alone at night on a Saturday night with a bottle of wine as company.
    And the buses didn’t run to schedule, so my plan to CD myself meant sitting at a bus station for an hour and then walking back home.
    I feel needy.
    I want a hug.
    What happened to my life, has anybody seen it?
    I feel ungrateful and moany and nauseous.
    I want to cry.

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 6:16pm

  876. 876: bloom-ingNo Gravatar says:

    hahaha i think i’m going to say something really scary to my partner here in a bit. i feel so sexy & beautiful for some reason, kind of like “sandy” in Grease… lol why is that ? i feel “good about it”

    i feel good about it & bop-y (boppy)

    you guys know baby bop? if you have children in your life, definitely pick up some barney for them. those are classic. nevermind that bxllshxt about him being “gay” – who cares… lol…. he’s a plush dinosaur & he never bangs anyone on that show anywayz lol…… & like “oh sure, dumbledore is gay” yeah, i know the guy who wrote that essay & he is great & wonderful, but he loves to write controversial stuff about pop culture. he’s just messing. as my favorite teacher told me, “find your point & rxpe the text to support you” i think i heard that second-hand maybe so i wouldn’t actually “report” that as a quote of any kind. that language sounds quite violent, but this man has a dramatic way, so i can imagine anything, but he would not at all mean any harm to any person in any way, i can personally guarantee it. thanks for reading this if you did lol… weird. i feel weird & disconnected, but it’s chill… there are all these superhero symbols around me & sometimes i draw comfort from that & right now that’s happening

    oh, & i channel my memories from my most fertile days. those were days when i was entirely isolated & i am grateful to the experience. i bow down, totally reverent, to myself sitting on the floor of my bedroom cross-legged, 16 & so miserably sweet…. she wrote it all down & i love her for it because now i never ever have to go that deep again. though i notice, i do go deeper now. & in totally different directions these days, prior-to unimagined. but here i am breathing again today, a new today that i’ve never seen or explored.

    i’m picturing it all from a third-person or second-person, but now again, i’ve just got to go with me right now this second going going, thanks

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 6:20pm

  877. 877: TamNo Gravatar says:

    ….and now Surfer CD is writing me nice text messages, like the kind of things one likes to hear.
    I feel icky.
    I want to scream ‘don’t be perfect, you are still married and even live in the same house – so not even separated’ and yet I just feel to exhausted for a confrontation there.
    Just all leave me alone please. Thank you.

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 6:26pm

  878. 878: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Now the German guy wants to come to my place and stay at my place also. I don’t want him and his little kid and baby mama drama and he is long distance.
    I feel time-wasting with all this crap. Exhausted.
    I already know it won’t work:
    drama and long distance.
    Why doesn’t he see it?
    Why doesn’t the married guy see it?
    Please, put your glasses on your nose and have a read of the terms and conditions I gave you.
    Thank you kindly.
    Where is the good and easy stuff that was so readily available last time? What happened to the fun and lightheartedness and the soul stroking…what happened?
    What did I do?
    Why has it all changed?

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 6:31pm

  879. 879: bloom-ingNo Gravatar says:

    hi, tam : ) i always think you sound so pretty, so just smile & do what you YOU YOU YOU want right this second, because you’re only you. if you want company, what’s in front of you ? & screens make me lonely so i’d recommend a favorite blankie or tea cup & song or movie or dream or drawing or meditation or ………. sometimes i write in form poetry, because the form itself feels comforting. idk. “Self-Soothing” is the one consistent thing i’ve heard from “psychiatrists” lol omg i feel like a horror movie character haha awww i suppose i feel afraid of “mental illness” being “stigmatized” & i’ll just issue a statement that i don’t really “believe” in any categorizations like that. thank you : ) hope you have a lovely evening : )

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 6:39pm

  880. 880: luzydelNo Gravatar says:

    I am not paying attention to men anymore; Today I did what I liked and talked to men. but did not feel the need I used to (expecting them to like me). I got me, that is all I need… I am just feeling so blank towards men… They are not really all that… Im turning asexual!!! I like myself more than men!!!

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 6:47pm

  881. 881: TamNo Gravatar says:

    bloom-ing..awwww..reading that felt soothing :)
    I am listening to Abraham now….that feels soothing also in many ways.
    Self-soothing…’s something I always had to do, but it evokes images of me as a kid locking myself in my room to get away from the bad stuff, people arguing and screaming and me pretending to be in my own little world that was nothing to do with reality.
    Hm. Self soothing today was going for a night time walk in the moonlight…on the beach…

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 6:47pm

  882. 882: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    ah triggers i love them

    i love leggings tehy’re like my everday wear

    i love my genitals!

    i would feel so great to feel safe having the whole world see them


    i dont wear pants that really show them

    i feel shame

    for hiding them


    i love my feelings

    thank you for the trigger!

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 6:50pm

  883. 883: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Daria, I have a pair of ‘camel toe’ trousers and the only reason I noticed was after a photo I saw..and I felt ‘ouch’…and now I feel amused….maybe I will wear them more often again.

    Today my skirt blew up all the way from a freak gust on a busy shopping street. everybody had a view of my panties for a split second as my arms were locked with bags….oh…this never happend to me to THAT extent.
    I felt ashamed and then I felt so amused that I was squealing with laughter. More people noticed me laughing than exposing myself. That felt intriguing….
    and kind of weird.

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 6:54pm

  884. 884: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    wow thanks Daria for doing that EFT

    thank you for brushing my hair

    thank you for doing my movement (workout) hmmf

    thank you for looking int he mirror and tweaking my stance like never before

    thank you i feel so well taken care of

    i feel awesome

    thak you for putting Shchumann resonsance music on for me

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 7:16pm

  885. 885: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Tam – i don’t feel comfortable with camel toe pants

    i feel really uncomfy looks wise actually

    i feel like this :( thinking about it

    i feel very comfy with showing my panties tho


    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 7:17pm

  886. 886: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    wow my stretch got adjusted majorly

    i feel it way in the middle of my shoulders now, just where i needed it


    i feel pleased

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 7:19pm

  887. 887: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Surfer man seems to have really fallen for me…
    I feel confused as to how men can fall into love so fast and out of love so fast.
    It takes so long for me.
    There is no such thing as an instant relationship or attachment for me and there never has been. It takes me so long to love and trust and open myself.
    And they cn just ‘turn on a dime’.
    This feels so scary to me.

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 7:27pm

  888. 888: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Sometimes I read some of the comments from women here who have met somebody a couple of times and get so excited, and I feel strange and weird reading that because I don’t really get that.

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 7:30pm

  889. 889: bloom-ingNo Gravatar says:

    LOL omg i have a really “obvious” vxgina in bathing suits & stuff lol & OMG I have a really obvious PELVIC BONE in leggings, pants, dresses, I’M SO SERIOUSLY NOT JUDGING lol i feel so giggly amused omg i show my bum everywhere IT IS HUGE lol i’m giggling ….. women, “get on with your bad selves” lol i never ever watch that show but i think i remember one of my bff’s quoting buffy the vampire slayer saying that lol “get down with your bad self” i think she said LOL omg i think i’m so cool & now i’m remembering all my dreams from last night plus now the best hip hop song ever is playing in my living room THANK YOU

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 7:41pm

  890. 890: bloom-ingNo Gravatar says:






    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 7:43pm

  891. 891: bloom-ingNo Gravatar says:


    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 7:44pm

  892. 892: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    thank you Daria for trimming my nani poof for the first time in so long :)

    wow i feel excited to see what wonderful sexual pleasure i will be attracting !

    and your pussy smells delicious!

    and its so FAT!

    smh you are the bomb girl the bomb

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 7:46pm

  893. 893: ViNo Gravatar says:

    I feel unworthy and I am here for me while I am feeling that. My boy is here for me. He peotects me while I am feeling this way. I feel safe to feel that. I feel unworthy. I think “I am wrong” and that “I am a mistake”. “I am not important” and “I should not disturb people by my self”. I feel miserable and that’s okay. I feel teary. It’s okay to feel that way. My inner boy loves me feeling misarable. He loves me feeling sad. He loves me looking droopy. He loves my feeling unimportant. He thinks it’s cute. He doesn’t hurry me to feel better. I don’t have to feel good for him to love me. His love is unconditional. and It feels stronger than my mom’s attitude. I felt so unsafe when I was a child. I don’t remember feeling safe while I was a child. I have my boy energy to protect me. To love me unconditionally. To remind me it’s okay to feel soft and open. He cheers me up. I feel tears in my throat. Thank you boy. Thank you for protecting me. Thank you for loving me unconditionally, even when I feel miserable and hateful towards myself. Thank you for telling me it’s okay and safe to feel bad and being supportive and not judgemental. Sigh. It feels so good to feel safe when I feel miserable. I love my misery. Sob sob. I am sobbing my way through.. hehe Thank you boy for the tissue, I love you too. Boy I really really want to love myself as much as you do. I feel better, thank you. Sigh. I feel so happy to find a part of me that feels good about me and loves me unconditionally. I feel surprized it turned out to be a boy part.

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 8:02pm

  894. 894: LoveAlwaysNo Gravatar says:

    I feel so low energy, but it’s a full moon and I know im brimming with energy . . . I feel lost in my own fog. I don’t want to neglect myself. Embracing me.

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 8:14pm

  895. 895: bloom-ingNo Gravatar says:

    lol feeling so heavy & watching buffy & feeling out of place & impossibly ugly lol….. omg life makes me laugh out loud…… cd went to bed so i gave myself the challenge to finish his drink & mine that he made me & it’s crxcking me up to get so drunk alone… oh sweet girl, i see you, hi, how’s it going. chill. chill. that’s cool. & how’s shxt. good, good, you know. yeah, good, you writing ? yeah, yeah, for sure.

    OMG I’M A TOTAL LUNATIC I FEEL SO TRIGGERED lol & angry lol why baby why ??? lol i don’t know, i guess it’s just a mystery for you to solve lol ok ok lol i’m wayyy good at that actually lol i know !! hahahahahaha aww i feel cuddly towards myself….. sweet humans, forgiveness i pray for myself, & gentleness for everyone else lol HUGS PLEASE HUGS PLEASE HUGS thank you thank you

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 8:41pm

  896. 896: LoveAlwaysNo Gravatar says:

    Just took a warm shower. I feel renewed, relaxed and treasured by me

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 8:42pm

  897. 897: bloom-ingNo Gravatar says:

    i wonder what’s going on… lol….. i feel all competitive toward buffy the vampire slayer, toward sarah michelle gellar (hi, lady – sorry for bringing you up 3rd person)…. & also a bunch of weird helplessness. uncoolness. fatness. lol OMG i’m like wayyyyyyyy not fat…. wonder why i get that. um& i feel way sad being old, being young. age triggers by itself.

    i’m thinking of myself with a gray braid with my head in a giant amethyst. if a lover was going to spend thousands on a rock, it better be something i can get my head inside. that’s all i’m saying.

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 8:53pm

  898. 898: bloom-ingNo Gravatar says:

    hi, lovealways : ))))))

    gotta say, i felt great that the other weekend my anecdote made you feel good…… lol it can feel so scary to share stuff like that & you never know how it’s going to get “heard” ….. UMMMMMMMM i really like reading you…. it feels like velvet, exposed, like someone opening up a jewelry box : ) thanks for sharing : )))

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 8:55pm

  899. 899: bloom-ingNo Gravatar says:

    ok & today i felt all SAD WAY SAD because i couldn’t imagine how i wanted to dress


    someone take a picture so i can draw around it. i feel lost. help. this is real. don’t


    i feel scared of this medium & prickled by it. sorry weird maybe i’ll figure it out differently. i feel sad a tiny bit. that’s ok…………………… eeek i still feel scared but it’s chill, i can just keep keep moving moving forward forward just a tiny bit past this & into the next; there, totally chill, fine, ick. that’s gross. i feel gross. awww television. maybe i better give that up too. this is bad-feeling… UM what ? hello ? humans ??????? gosh, i want so badly to feel connected. i feel so grateful for the change to experience that connected feeling, thank you

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 8:59pm

  900. 900: bloom-ingNo Gravatar says:

    i dunno lol i feel kind of overwhelmed…. i grew up among a lot of very religious folk & i grew up thinking it was really normal to restrain yourself from thinking wayward thoughts, or even tempting yourself thus-ward by even a wandering glance.

    ok, so i accept, & read a lot of literature confirming, that these are “old-world” values somehow…

    then again, i pretty much full subscribe to those values &, additionally, have found myself a man who i find is more “traditional” than i am…. & he says he is for “logical” reasons, while i am for purely purely feeling type reasons, just my body, just what i want. ICK says my feminist self; YUM says my girly self. so here i am all angry. actually feeling happy & chill. UM what’s the deal ? OH omg this society what a horrible

    “impure thought & deed” that’s just word-for-word

    “traumatized & abused these children” OMG this is very difficult to type….. gosh…….

    am i really insane ?

    i have read that it’s common of “schizophrenics” to hear their thoughts broadcasted on the radio……………. ok, but like, seriously, why does that happen to me ? i’m not insane. i have kept records of this. growl grumpy sound, i feel like the guy in a beautiful mind


    lol, no, not for the baby princess in my mind lol…. there is just no way to satisfy her !!!

    omg though i do love picasso, frida kahlo, i love joan miro – there is a spanish colorist in me – ok & i love japanese & indian folk music, i love native american drumming, i love celtic dance music – all that is in my blood. let’s bathe in that

    omg & wandering. thanks for all the secrets & the scares & the passions & the fears. thanks for all the answers to the questions & the questions without answers & the ugly mass-produced, chemical-drenched pine trees that could not possibly represent the coming of christ, except impossibly, year after year, they truly do

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 9:20pm

  901. 901: bloom-ingNo Gravatar says:

    cool, yummy, humans, religiosity – i’m picturing it all so soaked with love it falls on me heavy like a wet blanket

    THANKS yum thanks yum thanks yum thanks yum thanks yum i still feel good typing that thanks yum

    & the men want me to see what’s at the bottom of the ocean they want me to dance too & to smile

    they always say “smile” lol they always do that’s so normal thanks

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 9:22pm

  902. 902: LindaNo Gravatar says:

    636, 637… Today I have come to realize that the emotional abuse I encountered as a child, created a place in me to accept or put up with someone who is supposed to love and nuture you to treat me badly. To worsen it I then hope that they will rescue me from the hurt they inflicted.

    No More today. Yesterday was the last day of that embeded lie influencing me. Love does not feel like that or treat you like that. Love feels safe

    Love is patient, Love is kind, Love does not act unbecomingly… Love feels safe

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 9:49pm

  903. 903: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    #874 – Tam – I feel sorry to read that… Remember that artist guy that gave me his sketches…Well he emailed me a week ago to ask me if I wanted go to a oarty this weekend. I said “sure…most likely” and he was lik e “great!” and then he never followed up. Now Im not attractwd to him so its ok but I still feel kind of offended and out off by his flakiness…

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 10:16pm

  904. 904: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    Tam – I am feeling a little bit triggered and attacked by your statements. I would encourage you to explore your own triggering.

    I see maybe I was hurt and underhandedly mean-spirited towards you….Yes I remember you said something like “if he went away he wasn’t that interested”. Ouch. Knife stab…Pain. Hurt.
    I guess somewhere inside I believe it to be true. I suppose I wanted your approval and your go ahead and you were not giving it 100% and so mentioned your situation with Mr.P.

    But the things I wrote I actually believe to be true even though it was sparked by feeling Ouch&Angry.

    As for the leaning forward comment I feel surprised by the fact that you don’ see it that way.
    I would feel good if you would explore seeing it from that angle.

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 10:49pm

  905. 905: MissStixNo Gravatar says:

    Oh yummy weekend…Oh sosososo many of the best feelings on the planet! Ummm lets see. Happiness. Elation. Comfort. Love. Desire. Desired. Ecstasy. Ohhhh how much ecstasy can a girl handle? Whewf. 😉 G’s mom asked to talk to me on the phone and he thought that must mean i’m some kinda special cause she’s never asked to talk to a single one of his previous girls. I feel special! Oooo. I feel adored. I also felt the pleasure of hearing “what would I ever do without you.” Out of thin air. Quite pleasurable. mmmmhmmmm Is it possible to feel necessary? hmmm It must be because I do. I feel necessary. And giggly.

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 11:30pm

  906. 906: MissStixNo Gravatar says:

    Oh and I got my snowboarding pass!!!! Woooooooooo so there’s excitement floating around in there too.

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 11:32pm

  907. 907: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    902 Linda what you said here… this really speaks to me thank you

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 11:33pm

  908. 908: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    Ive been feeling “lost” and “longing” thinking about my uncle that died a few years ago. He always made me feel happy and special! he was a powerful person in his industry & community so I felt really protected and important when I was with him as a kid and as an adult too…. I feel sad and scares he’s not here to give me that feeling ever again I feel hopeless :-(

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 11:36pm

  909. 909: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    I realized after he died how I didn’t visit often enough because I thought he’d be around forever…
    He really loved me and would do anything for me!

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 11:37pm

  910. 910: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    880 luzydel I’ve been feeling the same way but I miss being in touch with the sexual me…

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 11:40pm

  911. 911: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    909 it sounds weird saying this but I want a man like my uncle ….meaning i want to feel safe and loved with a man….like emerson is the most charming and adorable ever!!!!!!!

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 11:43pm

  912. 912: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    Emerson you are going to be ok. Thank you for saving gas today.
    Thank you for buying gifts for your mom!
    Thank you for resting instead of going out and thank you for crying.

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 11:44pm

  913. 913: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    My uncle was wealthy and powerful but still humble and sweet !

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 11:45pm

  914. 914: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    Love uncle love uncle love me

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 11:46pm

  915. 915: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    I’m bringing a new style to my wardrobe it’s more urban and “city” and simple and elegant and I love it !

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 11:47pm

  916. 916: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    #888 – Tam – I feel really Angry reading that…I feel as if it is directed towards me. I met CudG two years ago in another city through a mutual friend and we maintained a friendship.

    Anyway, what a nasty underhand way to attack someone/ Sirens. I feel grossed out and pissed off…

    Do you call what you and Mr.P have as love? Ick. You haven’t seen him in a year.
    I feel angry, I feel very bruised by all this.
    This it the point where I attack Tam because feel attacked…
    But I have deleted all that becaue I caught myself…
    Gosh, Im angry because I actually agree with Tam that getting hung up on a guy is bad…
    I dislike the fact that I got hung up on CudG.
    Internally I am berating and attacking myself for it…Bad Pathetic Heart Getting Hung Up So Quickly…
    Awwwr….now I just want to love down on myself. And tell myself its all ok…You’re leaning and growning…love LovesickHeart…
    I love LovesickHeart…so intense,so romantic, so piny, so crazed..hehe RomanceNovelHeart hehe… lovesongHeart..hehe…*cuddles.

    I still feel a little bitterness towards Tam so I can in complete sincerity thank her for the trigger…CompetitiveMe wants to be like I took your attack and made lemonades. I feel uncomfy acknowledging Competitiveme.

    But I am feeling a little healed and soft on the inside.

    Saturday, 27 October 2012 @ 11:50pm

  917. 917: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    so I can’t …not can

    Sunday, 28 October 2012 @ 12:02am

  918. 918: EmersonNo Gravatar says:


    Sunday, 28 October 2012 @ 12:10am

  919. 919: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    Text cd has been on my mind but I’m leaning back…

    Sunday, 28 October 2012 @ 12:11am

  920. 920: TereanaNo Gravatar says:

    Miss Stix (366) – Cool! Thank you! :-)

    Sunday, 28 October 2012 @ 12:28am

  921. 921: TereanaNo Gravatar says:

    I had kind of a “moment” today. Or rather, it was a series of moments, and a progression of feelings, beginning with an event.

    Basically, I did something that reminded me of Vman, and I thought, if I told him about it, he would be amused.

    But I didn’t tell him. I kept having the urge, but every time I picked up my phone, I ended up doing something else – texting a friend, checking my facebook. I just distracted myself.

    And one point, I even went to write it, and I couldn’t even get as far as putting his name in the “to” field.

    I just couldn’t do it.

    It took too much “muscle” to lean forward, and I didn’t feel like I had it in me.


    I wondered if I was really just “stuffing” myself, or holding myself back. But then I thought about all the ways in which I’d rather not deal with him. On a certain level, I find him to be fun and amusing. I like that fun and amusing part of him. If I could deal with just that, it would be great. But since it doesn’t work that way with people, I’d be stuck with the whole package. And the whole package clearly wasn’t working for me…Right. I remembered.

    And I’ve also been going through a day of hormonally-fueled libido. And this sex drive made me start to want several of the men who have been in my “rotation” that I’ve slept with (even though I wasn’t serious with them). That’s how it is in this stage of things. And I’ve been thinking a lot about my sexuality today – doing my best to really take a look at it. It’s hard for me to do. In some ways, I feel like there are aspects of my sexuality that aren’t really for me to see. They are for my partner to know and understand. LIke how could I ever really know how I look to another person? I don’t. Because even with a thousand mirrors, I can never get quite a clear, full view.

    But then, once I realized that my sex drive was all about the hormones, I let myself sink into the “desire” feeling, and it softened. It was less of a “drive” and more of a “sensation.” Which, I guess is also the point. It felt more manageable.

    And I “wanted” less.

    I remembered all the cool things I had to do tonight – get dressed up all sexy (in my new fishnets!! And tall boots!!!), go to an art show, and then go to my friend’s birthday party. I had too much to do! I didn’t have *time* to lean forward with any of my CDs! Hey, so if they want me, the can call or text. Until then, I am leaning into my life, doing my things.

    I just hope those things don’t make me “too busy”…

    I want to find the right balance between having enough to keep me interested and excited about my life, and having enough time, energy, and “mental space” to allow another person to come into my life.

    Hm, that’s a nice thought to think about. I think I’ll go to sleep on that one tonight : )

    Sunday, 28 October 2012 @ 12:42am

  922. 922: TereanaNo Gravatar says:

    Ooh, Emerson – I am excited about your new style! I love reinventing :-) (And it’s one of my new lines of work! yay! : )

    Today, I thought about reinventing myself and buying some skinny jeans. In fact, I went downtown to do just that. but I got there, I tried on the jeans I had tried before that looked good, and I just couldn’t do it. I was right all along – skinny jeans really are not “me.” And partly it’s just how they feel. Ick. I don’t like it. lol

    So I ended up getting a great top, which was on sale, and a pretty ring. I feel happy with my purchases. But I wanted some perfume, too! Maybe I’ll get to go back and get some later…

    <3 <3 <3 to me.

    And <3 to you, too, Emerson!

    <3 to all sirens!


    Sunday, 28 October 2012 @ 12:49am

  923. 923: TereanaNo Gravatar says:’s a weird thing, finance-wise: if I didn’t have to pay rent, I’d be making a lot of money! lol

    You know, I think I got really used to not paying rent after college. I mean, I paid rent in college, and after. But for a while there, I was living with my parents/grandparents. And then I was a live-in caretaker, and was not “paid” per se, but was compensated through food and housing – not a bad deal. And then I had a summer job out of state where housing was included.

    I think I just got used to making money and not having to fork a bunch of it over to a landlord. lol

    Not that I was socking it all away or anything. I was mainly doing damage control on a debt issue. One that hasn’t really gone away, because that’s kind of the way debt works on you. Once you get some, you have to keep paying it back. You find it hard to keep up, while you are also trying to pay for everything else you need on a daily basis, and if you are not making a lot of extra income, then it is hard – or even impossible – to pay the debt back AND save for the future. It’s like having two lives to pay for and they are both your own. Or three. Past, present, and future. and the one that is in the present, is obviously more demanding, attention-wise. But those other ones nag at you, constantly…You know that those loans, and those credit cards need to be paid off. You just never seem to have enough to pay what you need. Meanwhile, utility bills are coming in the mail. And every time you try to save something, and get proud about doing that, suddenly you realize that you need the money for something right now, after all. Bummer.

    I may just not be “disciplined” enough to save. But I really don’t think that’s it. When it comes to anything else – and I mean ANYTHING except money – I am Savey McSaverson (or daughter;). I save shampoo. I conserve toilet paper. I’ll add water to the last of the hand soap to keep it going longer. In a card game I just played, I was really good at amassing the cards that I needed and using them wisely.

    Saving is IN MY DNA. But it’s not being activated. Something is not allowing my True Self to express, when it comes to money. And that’s what I think is really wrong here. It’s not that my money behaviors are “wrong.” They might be. But the problem is that they are NOT MINE. I’ve learned/absorbed them from my all-knowing money-guru (haha – NOT) parents. And I’m just unconsciously doing all their stuff, making all their mistakes, and as a consequence, my financial life is Sucky McSuckerson. It is in no way confluent with Who I Am.

    Because I, [Full given name here], have not fully taken control of my finances. I have not realized in a full way that I am the one calling the shots now. That all of the things I wanted to do differently – I can do them. I have the power to decide What I Want To Do. with MY MONEY. I can manage my money excellently. I have a great talent – many talents – that are valuable and worthy, and I am compensated generously. I have an instinct for how to manage my money in a beneficial way. And I can truly do what is best for me – take care of myself – AND have enough left over. I NEVER have to be left in the dirt again.

    Because it’s not up to THEM anymore. It’s up to ME.

    Sunday, 28 October 2012 @ 1:07am

  924. 924: TereanaNo Gravatar says:

    Linda, I know exactly how you feel – EXACTLY.

    Because that was my experience, too.

    But what I’ve also noticed is that gentleness is really important. You might be able to break the lie in an instant. But long-held, ingrained behaviors will not change overnight. Backsliding is a reality, and a certainty. It’s part of the process. So if you don’t find yourself changing instantly along with the “aha” moment, then I hope that you are at least gentle with yourself. As I’m sure you will be. : )

    Sunday, 28 October 2012 @ 1:29am

  925. 925: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    I ordered pizza….yay

    Sunday, 28 October 2012 @ 3:14am

  926. 926: SirenityNo Gravatar says:

    I am just thinking about how online dating has changed since I first logged on to a dating site in 2003.

    I know I have changed , the dating world has changed and the sites have mushroomed but I am fascinated by how the” illusion of choice” affects us ..

    I find men rarely read all the profile nowadays , they dont want to email as much , they ask for your number and dont use it ..generally it is like we are all jaded.

    I think the best chance of meeting someone online is when you are both new at online dating :( This belief feels bad.

    I did meet two long term relationship men online years ago . Nowadays it seems harder . These sites feel impersonal thousands of cartoon people..…next…click..

    I am feeling disillusioned.

    Sunday, 28 October 2012 @ 3:55am

  927. 927: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    #926 Sirenity

    I feel the same way too, maybe online dating has had it’s day? I have had soooo many men fizzle out on me I am finding it really difficult to get a real live CD.

    My sister said the age thing doesn’t help either. I have thought of knocking some years off my age but that feels dishonest. If you go to a club or bar and click with somebody you don’t ask their age do you?

    Dating sites are like a sweet shop for some men, always looking over your shoulder for the next pretty bon bon.

    Sunday, 28 October 2012 @ 4:25am

  928. 928: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    Last night I ran a bubble bath, lit some candles and lay in my bath with a glass of red wine, and sobbed my heart out. I <3 me.

    I don't want to be on my own for the rest of my life but I just can't seem to meet anybody in real life or get any of these online dating site men to step up, well the only ones that want to meet are men in their 30's who see that I am an older woman on a dating site and so must be desperate for sex. :(

    Sunday, 28 October 2012 @ 4:29am

  929. 929: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    #872 & #873 Emerson

    Thank you, I am not really “afraid” of men in the general sense, I have always worked in a male dominated industry until this past year.

    It is if the man is a potential CD that’s when I get nervous………..

    Sunday, 28 October 2012 @ 4:32am

  930. 930: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    #756 Sirenity

    “It feels really important and peaceful to fully understand its good and right for a man to offer FWB only, or a part time relationship or whatever it is he is able to offer..what he is CAPABLE of offering.

    The offer is something I appreciate and respect . I just dont accept it because it isnt what i want.

    The problem comes if I make a judgement that he is wrong to want what he wants.

    And if I make another judgement that i must not be “good enough” or else he would want a real relationship with me..well then that feels BAAAAAD…

    Its all in my head , its all my stuff and its all in my power to decide and choose what feels GOOOOOD.”

    YES YES YES!!!! Thank you.

    Sunday, 28 October 2012 @ 4:45am

  931. 931: TamNo Gravatar says:

    928 SMB I hear ya.

    Sunday, 28 October 2012 @ 4:55am

  932. 932: SirenityNo Gravatar says:

    SMB, lots of hugs for you and your weepy bath water.I am wondering do you have Meetup groups or similar near you?

    I am wondering how to increase “organic” meetings with men of my age. In a small town where I am well known I dont want to hang out at a pub or bar.

    I am thinking of maybe doing a speed dating event. Has anyone tried this?

    Sunday, 28 October 2012 @ 4:57am

  933. 933: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Heart, 888 wasn’t directed at you at all.
    It wasn’t directed at anyone actually, just a general statement, and if I ‘had’ to give names (which I won’t because I see no point), you wouldn’t be on the list at all. I don’t say this to defend myself but rather because it might put you at ease?

    Sunday, 28 October 2012 @ 4:58am

  934. 934: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    Sirenity, thanks for the hugs, I have been thinking of joining a Meetup club, I know I have been saying this for a long time, but I really do need to do something to get myself out there. I am not going to meet anybody sitting on my own on my sofa on a Saturday night with a bottle of wine and a DVD as comfy as that it.

    I need to get out of my comfort zone!!

    Tam – thank you for making me feel heard, it’s not easy out there.

    Sunday, 28 October 2012 @ 5:03am

  935. 935: SirenityNo Gravatar says:

    SMB I feel your comfort zone expanding .. :)
    In fact it seems to have expanded to online dating already and now maybe a Meetup or two.

    This feels good to read because when we become aware of the walls we have around our “comfort zones” suddenly the comfort boundary is busted wide open.
    Wow!! I have some comfort zone issues.
    In fact my comfort zone is getting uncomfortable . The discomfort is almost getting enough to blast me into some other zone all together !

    Sunday, 28 October 2012 @ 5:08am

  936. 936: TamNo Gravatar says:

    916 – Heart, 6 months not a year….not that it matters particularly.

    Oh absolutely love. I feel great about that. Love for me does not just come in the form of a ring or indeed a relationship. Your parents love you even if you don’t see them for years and you love them?
    I have some very close friends that I haven’t seen in two years, that I absolutely love like they are my family, or even more.
    Love does not just come in romantic form now, does it? Feels icky to think of it that way.
    I know he ‘loves’ me, because – I just know. I didn’t for a long time but since the beginning of the year I am 100% sure. Not that I need evidence but I do have it in many forms, some of which I have not shared on here. I feel very much loved by someone who – even when we weren’t talking years ago – when I had a problem and did not know whom else to contact, he, like ran to my help in the middle of the night, literally 2 minutes after contacting him at 3am. He is the one person here, that is 150% dependable should I be in any kind of trouble.
    I appreciate that so much.
    I believe you are referring to romantic love only, and you know, that is one thing that perhaps we don’t have. I don’t know and I don’t care anymore. But what I do know is that he has my back. Even if we have a massive argument, he will come to my rescue – always. Has done and will do. I just know.
    I feel very grateful for that.
    Does that make sense?

    It feels pretty good also. I feel safe. I have totally ‘given up’ on the idea of a relationship with him, actually a long time ago and not sure why it resurfaced when I was in Europe. I remembered again why it is not a possibility, and I am totally ok with it.

    However, if I said I wouldn’t feel sad about losing the activities and fun we all had together, then that would be a lie. I really miss that.

    Sunday, 28 October 2012 @ 5:13am

  937. 937: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i got triggered, nd i had fun

    im learning

    i m gettin it

    im gonna get there

    more chakra tapping

    more freeing my mind

    also lots of antioxidants

    and less chemicals that trigger obsessive thoughts and worry/fearful thoughts like mental anxiety

    and i feel sick w fear

    and i love my sick w fear feeling

    sad gross guilt icky

    i want to ehal this

    whiny nooo

    i feel icky in my chest


    it feels sooo uncomfortable

    close eyes go somewhere else in mind

    i don’t feel good feeling this in my body


    Sunday, 28 October 2012 @ 5:15am

  938. 938: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    im so glad im noticing this

    no blame


    not anyone’s fault

    i sometimes take jabs at people when i feel posessive over a man

    i feel so ashamed

    i want to heal this

    i dotn feel comfortable being seen like this

    Sunday, 28 October 2012 @ 5:18am

  939. 939: TamNo Gravatar says:

    SMB no, it is not easy out there. And in some ways I admire everyone who is putting herself out there.
    I feel fed up with it a little, really.
    But ploughing on I suppose.

    Sunday, 28 October 2012 @ 5:18am

  940. 940: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i can tell my dad im a philosopher


    i know he’ll respect that

    Sunday, 28 October 2012 @ 5:19am

  941. 941: AnnieNo Gravatar says:

    928: Silver Moonbeam says:

    “Last night I ran a bubble bath, lit some candles and lay in my bath with a glass of red wine, and sobbed my heart out. I <3 me.

    I don't want to be on my own for the rest of my life but I just can't seem to meet anybody in real life or get any of these online dating site men to step up, well the only ones that want to meet are men in their 30's who see that I am an older woman on a dating site and so must be desperate for sex. :( "

    I so get this, I also don't want to be on my own but I also don't want to settle.

    I wrote that last week I appeared to attract three types of men but actually it's four you just reminded me.

    I attract good masculine energy which is great but not one that ticks all my boxes yet. I want to attract more of the masculine energy type.

    Then the wounded ones who want me to be their therapists and feel pretty scary actually as the more I listen the more they reveal and are all into revenge, punishment, yikes. EEK too scary for me to go there with. So listen to the messages and keep at arms length. Feels best to keep them at surface sociability level.

    Then the feminine energy shy ones, I am drawn too a little as they are very sweet. No good for the relationship I want though.

    And the young ones who's masculine energy comes towards me, but they want fun sex only. FWB or fuck buddy. Sigh!

    The first type is the one I want, but I want one that does it for me and is able and wants to give it me all.

    Seriously, there are soooo many feminine energy men out there and masculine energy women, What is going on?
    And equality appears to be encouraging it.
    I go dancing and because ratio to men in more women to men, the women are encouraged to take masculine role and pounce on men to ask them to dance.
    Women are left with choice of joining in and competing get in their like buying stuff at sales lol. Or holding back and getting less offers and dances.

    Would love to hear thoughts on this.

    Sunday, 28 October 2012 @ 6:03am

  942. 942: AnnieNo Gravatar says:

    928: Silver Moonbeam.

    “Last night I ran a bubble bath, lit some candles and lay in my bath with a glass of red wine, and sobbed my heart out. I <3 me.

    I don't want to be on my own for the rest of my life but I just can't seem to meet anybody in real life or get any of these online dating site men to step up, well the only ones that want to meet are men in their 30's who see that I am an older woman on a dating site and so must be desperate for sex. :( "

    I so get this, I also don't want to be on my own but I also don't want to settle.

    I wrote that last week I appeared to attract three types of men but actually it's four you just reminded me.

    I attract good masculine energy which is great but not one that ticks all my boxes yet. I want to attract more of the masculine energy type.

    Then the wounded ones who want me to be their therapists and feel pretty scary actually as the more I listen the more they reveal and are all into revenge, punishment, yikes. EEK too scary for me to go there with. So listen to the messages and keep at arms length. Feels best to keep them at surface sociability level.

    Then the feminine energy shy ones, I am drawn too a little as they are very sweet. No good for the relationship I want though.

    And the young ones who's masculine energy comes towards me, but they want fun sex only. FWB or fuuuxxxck buddy. Sigh!

    The first type is the one I want, but I want one that does it for me and is able and wants to give it me all.

    Seriously, there are soooo many feminine energy men out there and masculine energy women, What is going on?
    And equality appears to be encouraging it.
    I go dancing and because ratio to men in more women to men, the women are encouraged to take masculine role and pounce on men to ask them to dance.
    Women are left with choice of joining in and competing get in their like buying stuff at sales lol. Or holding back and getting less offers and dances.

    Sunday, 28 October 2012 @ 6:05am

  943. 943: AnnieNo Gravatar says:

    Would love to hear thoughts on this

    Sunday, 28 October 2012 @ 6:06am

  944. 944: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Thinking of deleting my POF account. I feel tired of it.

    Sunday, 28 October 2012 @ 7:19am

  945. 945: TamNo Gravatar says:

    I did it. I feel free now.

    Sunday, 28 October 2012 @ 7:27am

  946. 946: TamNo Gravatar says:

    free of the past.

    Sunday, 28 October 2012 @ 7:28am

  947. 947: T-GirlNo Gravatar says:

    Silver Moonbeam, you know how much I love Meetup. :) Go for it! In fact, I’m actually going to a cooking meetup today.

    Sunday, 28 October 2012 @ 7:48am

  948. 948: MercedesNo Gravatar says:

    Be safe east coast ladies. I’ll be thinking of you…

    My day is going to be lazy! My team won thier football game last night and J’s team played on Thursday so there’s no reason to go anywhere today. I’m going to make homemade french onion soup (I have those cute little crocks to put it in and melt the cheese on top). Yummy!

    And the whole day is going to be spent on the deck or on the couch. :-)

    Yay for US!!

    Much Love,

    Sunday, 28 October 2012 @ 7:51am

  949. 949: LindaNo Gravatar says:

    657 – Tereana…. I thank you for using the word “brave”. It took the edge off of what I was feeling. The word I would use to describe my feeling was anything but brave. It was more like weakness and stupidity. That helped with my negative self talk about it.

    As far as being kind to myself and not giving myself grace if I have it happen again… thank you too. I have had this happen with 2 men that I can pinpoint. So here is a promise that I hae make to myself… I know I can not control a mans behavior but I can mine and my responses to theirs. I am making a new revised strengthened boundry. I am prepared to speak up immediately and or walk away immediately when I encounter anything that does not feel like I am respected. (I am struggeling with the right word to use here) but, I have known when something is “off”.

    I am feeling safe in this boundry right now. I need to shift my vibe and what I attract into my life should shift too if I understand how that works. Anyway I am going to give a good long try and see what the results are. It has nothing to do with the soft outside me.. just a strong defined change of the inside me. Having stated this… I feel peaceful about it. Sort of like repenting… which is when you realize something you have done is wrong… and you repent… it literally means that you choose to turn a 180 degrees and walk in that exact opposite direction.

    921- you said so many things that I took great note of. I want my life to be balanced and happily on my bridge. Any muscle I apply in my life for leaning forward is focused on me and not on any man, past or present. The last man… the were many things I found appealing…. getting the emails and the pictures from him stirred it all up. ALL, the good and the bad, the happy and sad. I remember like you the the “the whole package” did NOT work too.


    Emerson thank you for commenting and I felt seen supported.

    Sunday, 28 October 2012 @ 7:56am

  950. 950: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    928((( silver moonbeam)))
    929 I think i know what you mean bout feeling “afraid” I get the same way like I get nervous becuse I’m out of practice. Hanging out with my guy friend in close quarters (car, apartment, couch) and practicing having him pay is helping me, I sound a lil crazy huh.:-)

    Tereana I don’t like skinny jeans either! I’m too curvy.;-)

    Sunday, 28 October 2012 @ 8:06am

  951. 951: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    I feel nervous to start dating again because I feel so much pressure. I want to visualize meeting someone light and fun! And yes silver monbeam age seems to always be a focal point jeeez! That’s why Iokes text cd he just thought I was so amazing lol and he is four years younger. I think I put him off by telling him we can start as friends…. Why did I do that ??

    Sunday, 28 October 2012 @ 8:09am

  952. 952: MissStix