Comments on: What Does Circular Dating Do For You?

By: Confused

Confused — Mon, 12 Jul 2010 18:10:29 +0000

I was merely contemplating on the circular dating thing. Wasn’t sure if that was what i wanted or not. I would NEVER have sex with another man. And I’m always honest with my Husband. He’s the one that isn’t honest and has sex with other partners. As far as the man that wants to be with me, We’re only friends and mostly talk on the phone once or twice a month. My Husband already knows about him. The other man wants to be more and years ago, we WERE more than friends. We were crazy about each other, but circumstances wouldn’t let us be together. We lived in different States. We had children and couldn’t move away from our children to be with each other. To ask myself what I really want, No, I don’t think I want to date anyone. I don’t feel that dating will help do anything but maybe drive my Husband away or make him feel I don’t care about him. Who knows…

By: Rori Raye

Rori Raye — Fri, 09 Jul 2010 15:51:43 +0000

Confused – so sorry for your situation – and, ask yourself what you really want. This marriage is clearly not working. If you have another man who wants to date you – you could be friends with him – but having a sexual affair with another man and staying married requires you to be honest with your husband. How about you start being honest with your husband NOW? Talk with him. Find out if he wants to work on your marriage or just be free…make some decisions based on information. If you’re already physically separated – I don’t see how dating other men would be a problem, as long as it’s clearly stated with your husband, and perhaps you have legal procedures in the works…Love, Rori

By: Confused

Confused — Thu, 08 Jul 2010 12:33:57 +0000

I don’t know if this would be the right thing for me to do…I am married and my Husband was having an affair. He left her but I saw him with her day before yesterday, he was driving her car. So, I suppose that was having an affair should be is…I do have another man that want to be with me. My Husband doesn’t live at home with me and he goes back and forth when he calls me, from I love you and tell the kids I love them to (just) tell the kids that i love them. So, I don’t quite know what to do here. Being married is important. But at the same time, only in my eyes I suppose. He has health problems and isn’t able to work anymore and feels depressed from time to time, telling me that he feels like telling me to find another man that can take care of me and the kids. But I feel sometimes like it’s because not only can he not work, but still wants to be with the other woman and doesn’t want to admit it to me. Or he will tell me that maybe I should move back to Indiana with his family where we would be taken care of and be loved. It is a more complicated situation I suppose than just circular dating… What is your opinion on this and what do you think I should do? Date or not?

By: Rori Raye

Rori Raye — Sat, 03 Jul 2010 16:14:39 +0000

Poppy – Welcome – and Long Distance so so challenging, because there’s no way to feel and smell and everything else each other, and because it’s a choice that deep down each of you has made because of your OWN fear of intimacy – yes – this means YOURS. Unless you’ve got a ring on your finger and a wedding date and regular skyping and contact and visiting – get the ebook and then Targeting Mr Right, then Modern Siren and Circular Date so you can PRACTICE all these Tools. You’ll be amazed at what will happen for you…Love, Rori

By: Poppy

Poppy — Thu, 01 Jul 2010 22:21:50 +0000

can any of these programs help with long distant relationships???Ive known the man im involved with for 22 yrs but lost contact up til about a year ago.everything was great until about 2 weeks ago and now things are rocky(I do know for a fact hes been having issues 2 brothers deaths,moving his mother in,going thru a divorce..etc.)so which way do I turn????or should I ask which program can help??

By: Melb(a)Lynne

Melb(a)Lynne — Thu, 24 Jun 2010 23:45:58 +0000

Hi Rori, thanks for your comment, & underneath it all could be fear (of getting ‘stuck’ in a relationship/ marriages that could be so dreadful for me again). My 1st husband was/is Very Angry (I got out of that when kids very young)…. my 2nd husband was/is Very Irresponsible (not good with commitment/ loyalty/boundaries)…Both marriages have done me alot of personal/& health damage (although i’m dealing with it & trying to attain more health).
I’m really serious about wanting to meet someone ‘good’ for me, for my life, who treasures me & chooses to be loyal to me.. (I’m Way Too Ill [& Old!!] for another Damaging Disaster, my body wouldn’t take it)..which is why I’m now focussing alot on this… (& have done Toxic Man, was gr8!!)..
However, just want to clarify why in last couple of months I’ve had the ‘intention’ of drawing in ‘friendship’ on rsvp (my profile says wants ‘friendship’ & ‘long term relationship’). After meeting 60 or more guys & looking at each ‘coffee meeting’ as a ‘Is he my “perfect/possible” guy?’ & discounting 56 of them straight away, I thought I might be being too ‘picky’ & not giving ‘good’ guys a chance.
My ‘problems’ since the end of my 2nd marriage are 2fold: 1. I have chronic fatigue/migraines & other very challenging/personal health issues that stop me ‘going out’ as people normally do.. although I still work p/t & support us all; & 2. I have only met 4 guys in 6 years who I’m “attracted” to, in any sense (I used to have no trouble bumping into guys I found attractive)…. 3 of those guys I was “attracted” to straight away & 3 of them it was initially reciprocated (one I went out with for 4 mths, Guy A, a responsible architect, family man, but it wasn’t Right for me & not long after that I met Guy B, a business man with a degree, responsible, family man – that ‘stopped before it started’ as Coincidently Guy B’s ex-girlfriend [who he was still a little 'stuck' on but denied it] was Actually Guy A’s ex-girlfriend, fleetingly/now friend!! What the…!! Melbourne is Actually A Big City!! And Guy B didn’t like me ‘knowing about stuff’ re his ex-girlfriend, (from Guy A!! [who at the time still communicated with me, but not now, cos his girlfriend told him not to!!]). So that was that… About a year later I met Guy C, an engineer, responsible, family man, [but HE was ‘involved’ casually with another women {married!!}.., he told me his ‘situation’ at the start… so I started coolly, & then he said she’d ‘broken it off’ with him & we could now start ‘dating’… I saw the folly in that & stepped out of there… we’re friends now & it took him a couple more years to remove himself from the hope that she was ‘leaving the marriage’ for him!!!
Then Guy D came along, a Social Worker, previously a teacher, (I was a teacher)…responsible, family man (has 1 son all the time & other one 50/50 with ex)… at first I wasn’t “attracted” to him, in the romantic sense. I ‘met’ him when he ‘accosted’ me in a cafe… he’d been watching me chat to friends out front, recognised me from my rsvp profile, & when I came in to cafe he ‘caught me’ at the door, asked if i was on rsvp, then my rsvp name & gave me his number & rsvp ‘contact name’ & said ‘Contact me if you want to catch up’…. which IRONICLY, i notice now, is how the Whole Non- Relationship has gone..!! ie me, often, contacting him.. but he has ALWAYS replied & met me Every Single Time I’ve asked, pretty much straight away… (It is why I’ve felt the need to ‘follow-up’ ‘friendship’ type connections because of what happened here… which has left me gobsmacked…). I clearly ‘enjoyed’ our first ‘cofffee chat’ enough to have another one & after a couple more ‘coffees’ began ‘looking forward’ to them alot… Then checked his site again, on rsvp to see/ NOTICE ‘friendship only’, ‘strictly friendship only’.. That was April, 2009….
Well the whole ‘circular dating’ for me is due to him being ‘unavailable’… & although our times together, just great, my belief, from all he’s said is that although he’d been monagamous for 30 years ie in relationships prior to marriage, then marriage, (ended 5 years ago).. he’s now decided that ‘monagamy/relationships’ ‘don’t work’ and chooses the ‘freedom’ (free from control/pain/ giving up what you Truely Believe is You for your partner) of not ‘being in’ relationship… that’s his choice; & having managed to ‘arrange’ (with obviously someone who cares Not Much for him really…!!) a ‘friendship’ “with an old friend that sometimes includes sex” !!! (she’s also sleeping with other people!!! as you do.. NOT!!) he’s decided that that is great because there is no responsiblity/ pressure /demands on him at all (I expect that’s what he likes)… Too much about HIM, sorry…
So does that make sense as to why I’m attempting to be more ‘open’ in my ‘criteria’ for what determines A Second ‘coffee date’… I don’t Tell the Guys I’m Looking for Friendship only, & in fact I’m not, I just don’t want to Discount someone whom I’m not Initially “really attracted” to…. (eg I didn’t Believe one can get So Involved with someone where there’s not an initial Large Attraction/Chemistry happening, right at the start… but I Have!!…& the chemistry is the most amazing I’ve ever had!! ??) My desire is to ‘be attracted to’, & find someone who is ‘attractive’ to me… who is not so Difficult (& Unavailable) as Guy D… ie who basically ‘wants a partner’ & ‘is mature enough to handle it’… (plus all the other criteria I’m looking for… of course!!)…
Err, I think that’s it.. does that make more sense?
Or should I just be ‘fussy’ like I used to be, on rsvp? Or is there a middle road to be found??
Thanks very much, Lynne

By: Rori Raye

Rori Raye — Thu, 24 Jun 2010 19:03:55 +0000

MelbaLynne – Welcome, and your question is what my Targeting Mr. Right program is all about…firt – STOP with the “friends” thing – that “expectation” is causing you to bring in “friends” – and is completely all about your fears. Please imagine and envision what you REALLY want – we need to baby step through your FEARS – not toe step through your comfort zone! Just keep imagining each “meet” as getting you closer to what you want…your magic number might be 25, might be 50 – IN PERSON! – and that’s why the speed of this is in your hands. Love, Rori

By: Melb(a)Lynne

Melb(a)Lynne — Thu, 24 Jun 2010 12:49:03 +0000

Hi Rori
I’ve been moving along, attempting to ‘circular date’. (Due to finding myself ‘too involved’ ‘too attached’ to a guy I didn’t think I was even going to ‘date’ let alone become ‘emotionally attached’ to!) Ha, see how they sneak up on you….!! Lol!! We’ve been ‘seeing’ each other for about a year…
Since being reminded that ‘I told you I don’t want/aren’t looking for a relationship’ (ie Him speaking!)… although respectful and open (he does have honesty on his side)… it was/is time to seriously get into this (‘circular dating’). I’ve taken onboard my Siren & am also feeling that…!!
Having been on rsvp (dating site in Australia, I live in Melbourne & have met about 60-70!! [1four month relationship, 1 shorter relationship/now friendship,& a number of email contacts] guys on rsvp over 5 or so years) all throughout my ‘friendship’ with this guy I knew I needed to accept & ‘further’ the ‘interactions’ I was having with guys… so I purposefully used my rsvp dates to find guys I could ‘be friends with’ first, so that I wouldn’t Discount any Potentials who appeared ‘not to my taste’ to begin with. However, although in the recent couple of months of my New Plan, and having met maybe 10 – 15 guys for coffee (as well as all of my other interactions, at work, at the cafe, down the street, in shops etc)… only ONE guy was I able to KEEP on as a ‘regular’ coffee date (as friends who enjoyed a chat together – I had/have no romantic interest even after 5 or 6 ‘coffee dates’), and even then he politely & respectfully told me recently, when he met ‘The One’ (he thinks) and that he wasn’t sure she’d be happy with him continuing ‘coffee’ with someone he ‘likes’… All the other guys I met fell into “Even though I can chat for an hour or so with first coffee, (& learn more about how I communicate) I just CAN’T bring myself to ‘see’ them again… there IS NOTHING more I want to SAY to that person”, or the other category of “He wasn’t Keen for another Coffee (even if I was, or wasn’t keen)…” The situation of Keeping a List of Friendly InterestingEnoughToMe Men (who have time/energy/desire to ‘catch up’ with me on a regular basis As a Friend – I only met one recently who I felt Vaguely Attracted to [& it was obvious that he had lots of other/younger/fitter/healthier options than me; not more attractive or wonderful though LOL!! ]) – is Not Happening, even with my best of open and accepting intention/s.
To me, the ‘dating’ situation, even when attempting to go down the ‘friends’ track to keep options open, just Doesn’t Seem To Work ie unless the guy is Keen ie Chemistry he Won’t See You/Me again…. that’s fine, but that leaves Me with Following Up with guys whom I FEEL NO CHEMISTRY/ATTRACTION at all for… thus back to the ‘I just Can’t handle another hour of “coffee/chat” with this person… even though he is “quite nice”‘… I Know I Sound Nasty/Picky/ Upmyself (I’m not)… but this is how it’s been working for me…
ANY Suggestions Respectfully Acknowledged & Rather Desperately Wanted!! Thanks, Lynne (from Melbourne, Australia)… I’m 54 [look in my 40's], have 2 kids, 2 divorces, [2 cats lol!!] & numerous short (& longer) relationships behind me… !!

By: Women with Low Self Esteem: Date Multiple Men, Feel Stronger

Women with Low Self Esteem: Date Multiple Men, Feel Stronger — Tue, 22 Jun 2010 20:04:49 +0000

[...] Ive done circular dating in the past 3 or 4 men at a time …but i ended up feeling tired an hopeless when nothing good [...]

By: Michelle

Michelle — Wed, 19 May 2010 19:23:24 +0000

Angel Baby, I know exactly how you feel!!

I really never thought I would have this problem! But what do you do when you have more than one guy that wants to be with you?!?!

I went from having different situations that weren’t working out for me to having one guy do a 180 and others just flocking to me. I gave the “no boyfriend” speech to the newbies and guys I’ve been on a few dates with that are showing A LOT of interest and they all understand and are still coming on strong. But they got it from the beginning so it was much easier.

There is one guy that had been dragging his feet for months, being a friend with benefits, to just friends, to moving forward and making plans with me now. Over the last 3 weeks he has been super attentive, sweet, asking me out, doing things for me, telling me how he feels, and also making comments about us being together. I don’t know what to do!!

I like him, but I like some of the other guys too…or atleast have enough interest to want to keep circular dating. I don’t know how to address the fact that I’m still keeping my options open and there are other people that I’m dating with this guy. Should I bring it up to him? It would feel a bit weird to bring up exclusivitiy when thats not what I want right now from him. ( I dont trust enough that how hes being will last, it will take time of him being this guy for me in order to warm up and let myself have strong feelings for him again. ) And im not sure I would marry him, I see the potential but until I see that with someone, and its on the table I dont want to be a girlfriend.

So thats just one issue. The other is not knowing what to say when these guys ask me what I did last night, or what I’m going to do, or they ask me out at the same time and expect to be invited somewhere (its not like I can bring them all!) haha this feels crazy to me, I can’t believe this is my problem! I feel guilty though, and weird with not knowing what to say, I feel like it could be taken as being sneaky if they dont know what I’m doing, and since I dont know how to word it to them, ive just been trying to avoid telling them anything, and it just feels wrong….