What If You Didn’t Ask A Man To Change, And He Didn’t Ask YOU To Change?

Here’s a great guest post from Lisa Copeland, with a situation that’s totally universal – wanting to change a man:

by Lisa Copeland

Kerrie, a single woman over 50 was dating Mike, a really nice man who just loved SUGAR. He ate sweets like it was his job- a cookie for breakfast, a cupcake for lunch and a normal meal with candy for dessert.

Do you remember the “Slim Fast Plan” celebrities like Kathie Lee Gifford used to lose weight? Well this guy claimed his sugar diet did the same for him.

To Kerrie, massive amounts of sugar consumption were a red flag for her. She knew what sugar could do to a person so she said something to Mike about it. Kerrie did it from a place of fear and concern for him but it came off sounding authoritative and controlling. It was obvious he didn’t like what she was saying.

When she finished baring her soul about his “problem”, he looked at her and said, ” I know you think sugar isn’t good for my health and don’t take this the wrong way but have you ever considered losing 20 pounds for your health?” It was true- She was not a skinny whinny.

In fact, she was stocky and curvy yet the men she’d dated had always loved her body just the way it was. Since, Kerrie was really healthy this man’s words floored her. He tried to make a deal with her-“I will give up sugar if you will lose 20 pounds.”

Kerrie was really pissed and Mike knew it. He tried to make nice with her but it wasn’t working. There were times Kerrie judged her own body harshly enough! She didn’t need someone else doing it for her especially from someone carrying an extra 20 of his own.

Kerrie realized she had a couple of options if she wanted to continue dating Mike.

She could laugh off his comment figuring he was only projecting his own fears and concerns about body weight onto her.

Or she could loose the 20 pounds for him but she knew this option of doing it for someone else wasn’t going to work without a lot of resentment on her part.

In reality, Mike had actually hit one of her hot buttons.

Kerrie had wanted to lose the extra weight since the birth of her last child 20 plus years ago.

For a long time, she’d chosen not to think about it and now she was kind of pissed because not only did Mike discover what she’d hidden from herself all these years he’d put it in her face to look at.

Kerrie felt with all her being that she was who she was and if Mike didn’t like it, he needed to move on and find someone more physically suited to his idea of what a woman should look like.

Kerrie came to me with this story. We talked a while about her options before she said, “I really like Mike. If he’d just end his unhealthy sugar addiction, I’d be so OK dating him.”

We began talking about how she was asking him to change too. To her, it had felt so different because Mike’s sugar addiction was just an unhealthy habit. In Kerrie’s mind, her extra weight was a part of who she was and with men she’d always had this take it or leave it attitude of accept me for who I am or bye-bye.

With some coaching help, Kerrie could see that what Mike had shared about her weight was not a criticism of who she was. He was equally concerned about her health as she was about his.

Because sugar was a habit and not a part of his personality or body, she thought what she wanted Mike to do was different then what he wanted from her.

Kerrie was trying to change Mike’s eating habits because heart disease and diabetes ran in her family and she was afraid if she got involved with him, she’d see the same devastation happen to him as she had seen with her uncle and grandfather from sugar.

After our discussion, Mike and Kerrie sat down and had a heart to heart about what each was feeling about the weight and sugar conversation.

He really thought she was great and if they got further involved he didn’t want to loose her to future health issues. He was trying to protect both her and himself by mentioning the weight. Mike and Kerrie realized that neither wanted to change their own habits since each felt healthy in their own body even though the other didn’t see it that way.

Yet, wanting to explore this potential dating relationship, Kerrie and Mike decided each was going to have to deal with their own fears and let go of trying to change the other just so he or she would feel safe in the relationship.

Follow up 2 years later: Kerrie and Mike are still together. He eats a little less sugar and she has lost a few pounds because it makes her feel better. By working on dealing with their own issues versus trying to change the other to feel safe, Kerrie and Mike are happy in a relationship that allows them both to be themselves while accepting the other person exactly how they are.


From Rori: Here’s Lisa’s website – she’s got really great stuff on there!:

Lisa Copeland



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1,341 Comments to “What If You Didn’t Ask A Man To Change, And He Didn’t Ask YOU To Change?”

  1. 1: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:


    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 7:56am

  2. 2: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    yaaay, I feel so excited to be first for the first time!

    It feels silly, but really fun.

    Aw, this feels lucky and smiley. :)

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 7:56am

  3. 3: Goddess LilyNo Gravatar says:

    Reposting on this one just in case everybody switches:

    Is it ok to put exes into rotation for circular dating?

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 8:13am

  4. 4: Goddess LilyNo Gravatar says:

    Yay I actually noticed when the blog changed before hours went by.

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 8:14am

  5. 5: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    I don’t know if I should have sent this to K, but I just did. I don’t trust him in relation to R, and I mistakenly sent K photos of R and me together in 2009, that I had forgotten about. He recently brought them up and said some not very kind things about R. I have been thinking about it for a couple of weeks, and I finally decided to write this:

    Dear K,

    Hi, how are you? I got two letters and a card today, thanks! I haven’t checked the mail for a few days, and I’ve been crazy busy with my Mom. Plus it felt good to have a little emotional vacation from the intensity and pressure of all things K. I love you!

    I really appreciate all the nice things you do for me and your kind words. I care about you and your sons, and I want the best for you. I value our special connection. I feel hesitant to say anything directly, because I don’t want to hurt you. I see this relationship as toxic in many ways. I too often feel pressured; criticized; controlled. I value you, and there is only one K, and I treasure you. But I feel scared sometimes because I don’t know what you will do or say around people in my life who I love and value. Both Cris and my Mom have gotten harsh letters in the past, and I felt beyond embarrassed – I felt scared. I myself have gotten many harsh letters, and a more emotionally healthy woman would have ended this friendship many times over. I trust you where I personally am involved. But I don’t trust you around my friends. And I feel scared when I hear, “I wish I could fix this or that friendship for you.”

    I feel unsafe carrying you into my future, because if you don’t respect my choices in friends, how do I know you will respect my choice in a husband someday? I fear for my future happiness in a marriage when I think of you in my future. I don’t want to share all the intimate details of my life with someone who has been known to take it upon himself to try to ruin my friendships, without my knowledge or sayso. I want to go into a future relationship baggage free, not have to warn every man who gets involved with me that he may be your future enemy if you get a whim that you don’t like him. How can I share freely with you when this constant fear is hanging over my head?

    I ended this relationship as we knew it six years ago, and it was after six years of trying to make it work. I love you and respect you in a thousand ways. I don’t want to hurt you. But I feel like my past with you has the potential to keep me from my chosen future. I don’t want drama. There has been way too much drama in my life, and I feel weary.

    I love you.

    Your Loving Friend, B

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 8:17am

  6. 6: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Micromanage Your Relationship to Failure

    Oops… Someone Left the Door Open for Micromanagement…

    Let’s say your partner takes on a particular responsibility in your relationship. It could be something as simple as mowing the lawn or loading up the dishwasher. Whatever it is, it’s their gig, right?

    But someone who falls into the trap of micromanaging others can’t seem to let go of the idea that the way things are done should resemble exactly how they themselves would do it: all other ways are just dead wrong.

    So, if your partner is handling the task, but is not doing it the way you would do it, or is taking too long to do it, they’re not doing it “right” in your mind because you’ve created a picture that is all black and white: it should be your way, or it’s the wrong way.

    You criticize their technique, methodology and thought process. Then, you tell them in exquisite detail how they should be doing it.


    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 8:37am

  7. 7: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    “For a long time, she’d chosen not to think about it and now she was kind of pissed because not only did Mike discover what she’d hidden from herself all these years he’d put it in her face to look at.”

    In my mind this translates as her lying to herself so it becomes a trigger and something she doesn’t like about herself. I have wanted to write about “I feel attacked and this helps me to see that using “I feel attacked” is really about the person using that FM because they don’t want to deal with their issue. I don’t know if Rori encourages using this but every time I see it I feel resistance as attack in my mind is mostly physical. Also the energy behind the words feel aggressive to me. Though one can say verbally attacked, I still feel “rolling my eyes” just writing that. I am wondering what others think about using those words and whether they have experienced them creating harmony.

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 8:52am

  8. 8: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Just got back from my run, feeling great, going over and over in my head about what I want.
    I want 100% …and if that isn’t up for grabs then I have to decline, thank you very much gentlemen :)
    Over and out!

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 9:02am

  9. 9: bloom-ingNo Gravatar says:


    i saw a quote from someone recently that reminded me…. like “only when you defend can you be attacked” lol gave me something to think about : )

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 9:03am

  10. 10: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:


    I want to drop my defenses

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 9:04am

  11. 11: bloom-ingNo Gravatar says:

    & feeling i’m being micromanaged triggers me bad…. but only “because” i do notice that i often make a lot of mistakes along the way & also that i procrastinate & i don’t like to have either thing pointed out to myself

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 9:05am

  12. 12: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    “Kerrie and Mike decided each was going to have to deal with their own fears and let go of trying to change the other just so he or she would feel safe in the relationship”.

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 9:06am

  13. 13: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    I really don’t want to ask my man to change

    and i certainly don’t want him asking me to change

    and there also has to be a safe place for us to be brave enough to speak up for ourselves though

    i wonder where that is/what that looks like

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 9:07am

  14. 14: TamNo Gravatar says:

    I don’t want a man who goes off travelling and living in another country. I want someone who chooses me.

    Just had a brainwave cause my friend from Florida said: uh oh, he is coming on so strong, so unlike him..I suppose he is feeling guilty, because if he hadn’t appeared on the scene you’d still be there and he knows that.

    I don’t believe that really, but anything is possible.
    I need to act in my own best interests and my best interest is not to cling onto any man who is planning to move abroad rather than ‘nesting’ with me.
    I am not expecting too much because I am worth it.
    I would like a little nest for me, my little chick(s) and also a little boat please, thank you very much.
    That’s not asking too much! :)
    A dinghy will do.
    And someone to row row row the boat gently up the stream :)

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 9:08am

  15. 15: bloom-ingNo Gravatar says:

    i got something so simple & silly last night that it really made me giggle.

    i feel afraid of women believing i’m xgly
    i feel afraid of men believing i’m stxpid

    & i believe & dis-believe those ideas alternatively, with the wind, with the tide, with the seasons….

    so i told myself the easiest silliest thing: “women think i’m beautiful, men think i’m smart” & i felt totally invulnerable with it.

    somehow i do see how all my Man, Woman, Girl, Boy energies beat each other up. like my Man is kind of controlling & he yells at the Woman for only having “pictures” or “feelings” & no real “words” or “logic” or anything… my Girl & Boy obviously love to play together & also become irrationally difficult to reconcile when they have a falling-out…… we basically kicked my Man out, actually. he’s like, in time-out or something. he could come around…. i’ll start inviting him. oh, yeah, he’s here. he’s like, no worries, baby, while i was away in my cave, i came up with this super plan. my man is kinda “dreamy” but in a ICK way because he kind of looks like a ken doll, also kind of like my dad, also like a Real Dad… idk how else to day that. he’s a Good Guy lol but jeeeeeez he can be bossy & obsessive….. the Boy is basically good for nothing but getting me into trouble, but he complains wayyyyyy less than the Girl. hm, i like thinking about this : ))

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 9:14am

  16. 16: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    read the post. I love this. It feels so aware, it feels so accepting, it feels so wanting the best, it feels so open, it feels so inspiring.

    My Mom used to critize my weight ever since I hit puberty, and there’s really only been two brief times in my life where I could even be considered overweight. I’ve never been more than a size 14, and I usually stay around a size 10, and at my fittest, I can squeeze into a large 8.

    I love my body. I try to eat what feels good. I don’t deprive myself, but if I can feel my clothes getting tight, I try to cut back on calories and move more.

    I used to binge and purge, and I will not abuse this wonderful gift of my body like that again…EVER!

    This is at least one issue that I’ve struggled with that I feel like I’ve truly overcome.

    I love how this couple’s concern for each other’s HEALTH was their primary focus in the sugar cutbacks and weight loss.

    It feels so icky when it’s merely about physical preference. It feels disrespectful to the soul inside the body. The soul and body are connected! Both need to be nourished and both need excercise!

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 9:18am

  17. 17: bloom-ingNo Gravatar says:

    my woman does like my other parts….. esp the kids. but she feels weirded out, liked overwhelmed by that loud guy. he kind of annoys me. reminds me of an accountant or something. lol “what triggers you is what you don’t love about yourself” feels so obvious just this second…

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 9:19am

  18. 18: bloom-ingNo Gravatar says:

    OMG My Man is coming through for me so hard. i did dress him well this morning lol – in his favorite wool (skirt lol) & my “smoking jacket” tribal knit sweater & a polo i bought myself for my “interview” clothes in high school. omg my cute man-self is SO delicious & sweet & silly awwww i feel affectionate. yes, affectionate towards myself. that’s sweet. compassion. thank you

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 9:23am

  19. 19: TamNo Gravatar says:

    I feel better now, seems I got to the bottom of it all.
    I might even tell him that it doesn’t feel good for me to get attached to someone who is leaving. because it doesn’t – and I don’t want to hold anyone back or ‘change’ them.
    That’s that.
    Phew. Relief.
    It’s not wrong to want it all, especially when you hav had crumbs for so long.
    I have been through a lot in the last year and am not intent on sailing into more pain, if I can help it.
    I am rooting for me.
    Thank Goodness for Rori and you Ladies!!
    Yay, finally I am rooting for me.
    I feel tearful. But no longer anxious.

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 9:24am

  20. 20: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    I feel triggered judging myself as controlling cuz I want my partner to not be eating sugar like that I feel concerned Id constantly be judging him and not respect him

    I want something kinda rigorous it seems in terms of lifestyle I’m not sure I could trust a man who makes those choices

    I feel sad cux the voices have been really loud for me saying Theres no way I’m gona get what I want

    It’s just too out there too demanding and the odds are totally against me since I’m so unique

    I feel post at myself

    And today when I was walking I felt panic and sadness and fear all in my chest

    I’m really feeling frustrated w being myself

    I want to heal this

    I feel angry at myself

    I don’t want to treat myself bad like I do people sometimes when im angry

    It’s not my fault


    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 9:25am

  21. 21: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    mmm…blueberries, avocados, almonds, green tea, raw cheese, fresh spinach, roma tomatoes, olive oil! some of my favorite healthy foods that make me feel so good!

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 9:25am

  22. 22: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    The way R encourages me to change is by backing away when my behavior is toxic, and coming close when it is healthy.

    I started to do that with K a while back. He responded slowly, but he has responded up to a point. But I think there are blind spots.

    I am also doing that with R: when I feel pain, that is my red warning flag to back away from him. I have had to teach myself that.

    K and I have had the weight discussion. He is very mature about it and says very gently that it isn’t my size and shape that concern him, but my health. And I feel totally accepted by him, so I am able to receive it easily. I feel free to discuss with him my eating issues.

    When I have discussed my weight with R, he said that doesn’t concern him. He is interested in my heart. That felt good to hear. From there, my love for him springboards into WANTING to be my best self, and I MYSELF start to make changes.

    Change is slow in coming tho, because my biggest issue right now is chronic loneliness. I overeat because I’m lonely. I can’t concentrate on my personal business because I’m lonely, and I spend my time and energy reaching out on the computer and phone instead.

    But when he is around, and I don’t feel lonely, I fall easily into healthy eating and taking care of my personal business.

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 9:27am

  23. 23: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    one of my favorite guys who I respect deeply and feel majorly attracted to lost 20 lbs. I felt so attracted to him both before and after weight loss.

    His hard work felt really attractive to me, though! He makes me feel so inspired and awe-struck. He is soooo beautiful.

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 9:27am

  24. 24: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    Oh, I have also had the smoking discussion with both K and R. K is a heavy smoker, and he says it relieves stress. I told him the same, that I feel mostly concerned for his health. But that I don’t care for the smell or taste of it when I kiss him.

    R used to smoke, and now and then he smokes currently. He asked me how I feel about it, and I said it’s your choice. Then the same as I told K. He seemed very cool with my response.

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 9:29am

  25. 25: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    I feel pist. I’m not getting my hormones maybe where my avocado and steelhead trout there aren’t any other fish yes but only a lil bit. More more more I want more like everyday !

    Hit people yes I want to hit people obsessive fantasize of being humiliated by other people wanting to hit me

    Hit them yes!

    Don’t hit I don’t want to

    I’m ‘too good ‘ for that I’m Buddha ugh ice fuchked my self over so many times saying that

    But if I hit them they’ll go away and not love me and it will be worse

    Fucgh can’t trust them they’re Gina leave anyway can’t trust them

    Feel like crying I love my sob


    I love my sigh

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 9:31am

  26. 26: TamNo Gravatar says:

    I love it when men have an appetite…I love to see men eating with an appetite. My boyfriend ate like a sparrow, it was a trigger for me….I never tried to change him but I felt bad for eating more than him. I felt like a glutton.
    He would sometimes go without food forever…and my stomach was grumbling…and I felt bad for saying ‘I am hungry!!’
    MrP is always feeding me something, usually sugary…….in fact, he is feeding me too much and won’t take ‘no’ for an answer. That triggers me also..haha. Except one time I brought a whole lot of muffins and wanted one for breakfast..and all I found were wrappers and a guilty face in the morning.
    That made me laugh..and left me hungry.
    I like men that eat. I love men that love eating the food I cook for them and eat it all and then collapse on a heap on the couch and say ;pfffff, I ate way too much’. I love that.
    I think food and sex are related. A man who loves food is somewhat sensual…one hopes he loves the other senses too.
    I am ranting.

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 9:33am

  27. 27: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    In 2009 when I first started dating him, R would order soup and salad when we went out to eat, that sort of thing. If I ordered dessert, he would say no thanks. I think silently role modeling is powerful and respectful.

    He denied that he did that to be a role model, but I think he did. :-) Because then after I got on the program and was losing about 3 lbs a week while dating him at that time (because I felt so happy!!!), R went back to his usual orders: bacon cheeseburgers and fries, quesadillas, and the like.

    Over and over, in many areas, I have felt motivated and challenged by R’s silent role modeling of good behavior, especially his most amazing listening skills, beyond anyone’s I’ve ever encountered!

    I feel like I’m a better person because of knowing him, and that is a major turn-on for me! Yet all that time, I have never felt pressured, criticized, judged, or controlled.

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 9:34am

  28. 28: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    The way this woman “owned” (and denied the problems of) her extra weight was exactly how her guy in this story “owned” (and denied the problems of) his love of eating sugar.

    She attracted him right to herself.

    I believe that if she had a different attitude and belief about her own health and weight/didn’t put her head in the sand about it, she might have attracted a different kind of partner.

    This makes it all sound so simple and elementary, but… it kind of is.

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 9:34am

  29. 29: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Oh and he hasn’t answered my email yet which is unusual…but ok. It’s probably because I said I don’t feel good discussing the move.
    But that is the truth, gotta be able to handle that Mister. la la la. 😉

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 9:36am

  30. 30: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:

    Hum… Sirens…

    I feel a little confused about something… So I still have things at M’s and when I asked if I should bring them home, he said no. I asked ‘don’t the kids notice some clothes of mine are here?’ and he said they already did and they asked and he told them I just haven’t picked them up yet. This chit-chat was last night.

    This morning I said ‘I feel a little scared the kiddies will notice I was here. I will make sure I bring what I brought in the last 2 days back home. Should I empty the wastebasket (tampon wrappers, makeup pads, ect) and he said ‘no, why?’ and then ‘they (kids) don’t notice those things they are focused on their video games and things like that’. Then I asked about my clothes, maybe I can hide them at the bottom of the closet or in a drawer and he said ‘that’s not necessary’. I am feeling very curious.

    What do you all think?

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 9:37am

  31. 31: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Starla – agreed

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 9:37am

  32. 32: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Siren Angel I think you are your worst enemy

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 9:39am

  33. 33: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    I am also experimenting with role modeling the way he does. For example, when my Mom was here and flew into a rage or crying as manipulative behavior, instead of feeding into it, I did my best to role model calmness and harmony, using either silence or feeling messages.

    In the past, it would have been a blaming shouting match. This time, she would say about an hour later, “I guess I was yelling a lot, huh? I’m sorry.”

    I never once “tried to change her” by telling her she shouldn’t be yelling. It’s just my peaceful behavior stood in sharp contrast to her temper tantrum.

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 9:39am

  34. 34: Goddess LilyNo Gravatar says:

    SA, kinda makes me feel like it was never about the kids….I think somebody already said that before.

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 9:41am

  35. 35: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:


    What do you mean? I shouldnt ask him and just let it be? Or this is not important? Or it’s better that the kids notice and realize they can’t game me out?

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 9:41am

  36. 36: ruthNo Gravatar says:

    26 Tam, yeah that triggers me too

    All to do with my mum calling us greedy for being hungry and putting us on diets(when we didnt need to be)
    I was fairly badly eating disordered in my twenties

    I escaped by getting quite fat, which sounds weird but i then ate what I liked and cooked lovely food and had a stable weight and was extremely healthy

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 9:42am

  37. 37: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Yeah Siren Angel, I think you are way overfunctioning here. If he wants your stuff out of sight, he’ll tell you. I don’t know why you’re fussing. I hope you’ll focus all that energy nicely back on YOU, and not him. F*ck him=P

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 9:44am

  38. 38: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:

    The reason I asked is that I am afraid the kids will see I was here and make a big deal out of it. Whereas if they actually miss me and think they somehow damaged something good, they might ask for me. Also, I don’t want them to feel like we are tricking them by hiding this from them, it makes me afraid their negative thoughts will be triggered against me.

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 9:44am

  39. 39: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Siren Angel….you are pushing yourself into the role that you don’t want. Unless you want to be the secret invisible non-girlfriend?
    So they see your clothes, so what?
    They see your other items, so what?
    In effect he is lying to his kids – do you want to be part of that? Do you want to collaborate? Did you have the idea of hiding from his kids or was it his idea?
    I feel angry, not with you SA, but that what I see as taking crumbs. I want to say please get out of this situation, it will drive you nuts – it is already driving you nuts…
    Ohhhh…I send you much love, you are worth so much more than the invisible friend with benefits.
    No like!

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 9:46am

  40. 40: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:


    Yes, good point… I was thinking whereas that should be his job. Thanks for reminding me. I will watch that from now on.

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 9:46am

  41. 41: ruthNo Gravatar says:

    I feel curious about the role modelling

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 9:46am

  42. 42: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Brandylion – adding men to the mix – Rori style – HELPS with healing and being happy with ourselves. It’s FREE therapy that we don’t have to search out a good therapist or pay hundreds of dollars for.

    As I observe people on the blog it seems it works MUCH FASTER to heal by really engaging in CDing than trying to heal and get happy without men.

    As in YEARS FASTER!!! Which is why I’m such a fan.

    It really feels mind blowing.

    If you’re doing fine with your healing strategy and don’t need help from me or assistance with Rori’s tools – that’s great!

    Please forgive me for interfering there.

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 9:47am

  43. 43: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Lama – I wonder if you feel so inspired by the man because he’s not pursuing u, in a way unavailable and therefore ‘safe’ to be seen as generating these strong feelings of passion appreciation and love of life?

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 9:48am

  44. 44: RadloveNo Gravatar says:


    26 – LOL, I like what you wrote, and I feel the same way. My Mom always told me watch how a man eats…it will give you a good indication of how he has sex. And she said the opposite is true, encouraging me to eat like a lady, not gulp, LOL.

    When I was with the man who was an alcoholic in Arizona, he didn’t have much of an appetite because of his drinking. Once I was eating a hoagie/sub in a the car, and he was watching me and started laughing. I said, “What??” defensively.

    He said, “You enjoy it, honey! You’re fine! You eat with such enthusiasm! I wish I had an appetite for food.”

    Then I realized he was coming from a place of acceptance and just enjoying me, so I didn’t feel defensive anymore.

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 9:48am

  45. 45: TamNo Gravatar says:

    38 You can’t make the kids think anything, that is manipulation.
    He ought to love you and that is all that counts.
    There need be no manipulation of anybody if he wants a real relationship and marriage. Lying and deceit and pretending is just awful. Of course they will find out.
    I wish you would take your focus off him and date or get out with friends and let him miss you.
    He broke up with you and you now accept crumbs. You should be up in a tower with him courting and begging you to take him back.
    That’s my view.

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 9:49am

  46. 46: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:

    Oh Tam!!! Yup, that’s all true. I am taking the role I don’t want by asking these questions and even being concerned with it. If he wants to hide them, he can. I will leave things the way they are and so be it. He did not ask me to hide anything… why should I be getting into this to start with.

    The question however was that I feel curious about why he is not more concerned about the kids seeing my stuff when he says he broke up with me to them because they dont want to see me anymore. Makes me feel like it’s an excuse for the commitment and a load of cr*a*p that he made worse for his own commitment anxiety or worries.

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 9:50am

  47. 47: TamNo Gravatar says:

    44 Radlove..probably true. My bf was amazing in bed even though he hardly ate…hehehe…

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 9:50am

  48. 48: TamNo Gravatar says:

    46 SA, yep, it might be his own anxiety speaking and perhaps the kids also pick up on that, especially the oldest. It’s a bit of a mess really, I’d really get myself out of there but I understand that you want to try and mend things.
    ((((Siren Angel))))

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 9:53am

  49. 49: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Makes me feel like it’s an excuse for the commitment and a load of cr*a*p that he made worse – that you have bought into because you are so focussed on pleasing him rather than getting what you want. It is not about the kids. It is about what you are hiding from yourself.

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 9:54am

  50. 50: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Because you want him so badly/desperately.

    I know my words are brutally critical.

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 9:56am

  51. 51: BelleNo Gravatar says:


    Siren Angel

    “Or it’s better that the kids notice and realize they can’t game me out?”

    What the wha now??
    I feel appalled and also amused.
    I invite you to read and re-read and re-re-read
    I feel lightheartedly provocative and am wondering if you are noticing that you are in a power struggle with the KIDS?
    I feel so amused…giggling coming up from my solar plexus and spilling over my tongue..

    How is that working for you??

    If I dated a guy who was trying to out-game my children he’d be out of there so fast.
    I’m just shaking my head…
    oh wow.
    I think you are so invested in getting a ring that you are missing that you don’t really have a partnership.
    With yourself OR this guy.

    have fun with that, work it and enjoy yourself and let us know how it turns out :)

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 9:58am

  52. 52: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Belle it is HIS children

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 9:59am

  53. 53: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Hm. It’s very strange that I am ready to say ‘bye bye’ to MrP just as he is revving up his engines to speed to me. Part of it may be myself overprotecting me, but the other part is definitely the realisation of what I really want.
    I do like the guy, but I don’t like him enough to play a dance around commitment again, or enough to have a long-distance relationship while he is living it up in the big wide world…if that were even on offer.

    I will have wasted time that I could be spending doing other things, meeting other men.

    Guess I don’t feel safe seeing him. I don’t feel safe getting close to someone who is taking his energy to be away from me. Yes, I could ‘wait and see’, but it is a definite he is going and I kinda ignored it.
    It would feel good to clarify what my feelings are when we meet, if we meet, pretty early on.
    What’s the point spending a lovely time together again like we did last time, and I end up alone again.
    Kind of done with that.
    Lots to think about, and analysing my feelings.

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 10:02am

  54. 54: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Siren Angel, I do feel inclined to agree with the others but maybe you could help us to see what exactly is so great about this man?
    I was also in a bad situation with kids, but one thing I must say for my bf, he always made it clear to the kids that I am the gf, and that they should be happy for him he found someone, and that it’s not negotiable and that they please treat me nicely. And they understood. The son did not speak to me much but I understood that too, with time that would have changed.
    We were at odds over a lot of things but I did have a place there . Without that I would not even have considered dating this man. No matter how wonderful he was and how great I feel in his arms.

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 10:07am

  55. 55: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Siren Angel is it a culture thing that maybe the children are more important to the man than the woman?

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 10:12am

  56. 56: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    @43 Daria – wow, I feel really curious about this. This guy, yes, he is unavailable and I know that. He does feel safe.

    He represents an idea to me. A wonderful idea.

    He represents an ideal.

    I look at him, and I see him doing things that I would love to be doing, but feel afraid of doing, or feel too inadequate to do.

    I do love the way he treats me, though. Like he cares about me as a person.

    Just respectfully, but the respect means so much for some reason.

    and he always hugs me, which makes me feel safe and protected.

    I guess I don’t feel respect from other people the same way I feel it from him.

    Maybe because he doesn’t know me well enough to feel any kind of “disrespect” for me.

    Wow, this feels sad.

    Like I’m choosing to believe that if he really knew me “of course” he would lose respect for me.

    Is that neccesarily true, though?

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 10:12am

  57. 57: TamNo Gravatar says:

    haha, so yes, he never replied to my email when normally these days he shoots back straight away….well, good. If he can’t handle me feeling bad talking about his departure then that is ok with me.

    So now the suspense is on because I guarantee you, he will remain in his little man cave until I get there….

    ok. Time to get on the dating website and write to some others.. :)

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 10:12am

  58. 58: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:

    FW @55,

    Culture, he is an Italian Jew, so yes the children are VERY important, yet the mother too.

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 10:17am

  59. 59: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:

    Belle @51,

    I was being ironic.

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 10:19am

  60. 60: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:


    “It is not about the kids. It is about what you are hiding from yourself.”

    Maybe I did some sabotage during vacation, after the ring… I could have been smarter about the kids and not get sucked into their game.

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 10:23am

  61. 61: new sirenNo Gravatar says:

    I am mostly an observer, but I have to say…Siren Angel plesae stop. It is not about the vacation…it feels like you are being manipulated and played by this guy…it really does. I am so sorry to say you seem lost in the little details.

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 10:28am

  62. 62: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:

    Tam @54,

    I believe for M it is that his 11 yr old has all sorts of issues (psychological, not dealing with the divorce, fake panic attacks, manipulation) and that M subconscioulsy or consciously believes my presence is not helping his son.

    Otherwise, he is a wonderful man, very loving and affectionate, supportive, we are connected, he’s a psychologist so very nurturing, he is amazing with his kids and mine and I feel very very safe with him and the sex is extraordinary for us both and so is the emotional connection. Culturally, we fit and we have a lot of the same values. Actually, the only problem is really the one around the kids because the other small issues we have encountered we have a addressed and truly fixed and both evolved and grown through each other.

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 10:30am

  63. 63: ruthNo Gravatar says:


    I am feeling so sad reading your posts
    You have said the kids are crucially important to M(and it is good that they are)
    but if this is the issue between you, then—
    Oh, I feel icky saying this

    But how can this be resolved

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 10:35am

  64. 64: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:


    I want to connect with them so this can be ‘fixed’. I am not the bad person this makes me look to be.. like the woman the kids hate… And I really believe M could be a little firmer with his kids about it, telling them he loves me and that I am a good person. I AM extremely nice to them, but they are going through some stuff with their parents divorce and such, and it would be the same with any woman, I am sure. Although, my fault is to get sucked into it, things I should have ignored or played down. But how do you get away from the gripping fear that an 11 yr old convokes when he tells you on a Island with no ferries at night that he once threw a hammer at his mothers bck and his father wouln’t protect her? Should I have laughed and said ‘oh, funny, you are trying to me scare me’.

    Ruth, that night we were on our way to a restaurant on the island and 11 yr old was in my car with me and my son. My 7yr old looked at me I could see in the rearview mirror with a look of disbelief on his face. I have not had a panick attack in 15 years and that night at the restaurant I had to go out for air. I didnt tell M but I had a panick attack outside alone in the rain thinking about the hammer story I had just been told.

    It is sooo ironic that he then turns around to his dad to say he doesnt want me around!

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 10:44am

  65. 65: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Tam, thanks for letting me know bout fb. Thinking I might join under a new profile. Hmm I feel protective over my surname is my only reason…?

    ((Ruth)) sorry missed your posts, I fell asleep!

    Oo what run is in oct? Or is it a conference?
    Are you familiar with Christies hospital being in the medical profession?

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 10:46am

  66. 66: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:

    But they are kids, and I understand them, and I am sticking around. Believe me, a lot of women would have run away not from M but from the kids!!!

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 10:46am

  67. 67: bloom-ingNo Gravatar says:

    (((((((((((((Siren Angel)))))))))))))) omg i’m feeling awful imagining you offering to clean out the waste bin

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 10:47am

  68. 68: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    Tam it felt great to read you want a 100% and could a guy who’s planning to move away give you this? Your vibe and Boundaries around this feel strong.

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 10:49am

  69. 69: bloom-ingNo Gravatar says:

    siren angel, that story wasn’t just about the kids, eh? it was about how M treated the mother in relation to the kids. sorry for that “innocent question” in my phrasing. i don’t intend to “catch” you in it. i just also feel scared & i’m noticing that the story might show you something that you don’t want to see & i feel curious how you felt after bringing it up with M…

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 10:50am

  70. 70: ruthNo Gravatar says:

    65 Smile sleep is wonderful stuff

    ive ben deprived of it for years!

    yeah, course I have heard of Christies(its renowned(.Im a kidney doc though

    Im at a conf in October on thur and fri then got a marathon in milton keynes on the sat and another in chester on the sunday

    they organisers at MK have kindly agreed to start late so we parkrun addicts can get our fix at nine


    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 10:52am

  71. 71: BelleNo Gravatar says:

    “Belle it is HIS children”
    I know, I got it.
    I meant, if I were in his shoes.

    “he is amazing with his kids and mine”

    Did I totally misinterpret a bunch of posts before that were voicing your frustration with how he doesn’t discipline his children in a way that you are comfortable with?

    I feel amazed…like, wow, did I completely and totally misunderstand the entire situation???!!

    New Siren

    It looks to me like they are manipulating each other.

    I almost feel like I should get a bucket of popcorn and watch, this situation almost seems surreal to me.
    Probably a sign to start skipping the SA posts.
    I wish you all the best, I really do, SA. It’s probably not helpful that I feel so amused so I’ll bow out.

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 10:53am

  72. 72: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    @26 Tam – I love this, and totally agree. It feels soooo attractive when a man has a healthy appetite! I feel triggered when a man eats less than me. It feels good to see a man enjoying his food.

    But it also feels triggering when a larger man gorges on unhealthy stuff in front of me too.

    That makes me feel kind of icky…

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 11:03am

  73. 73: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Smile, thank you. I hope my boundaries remain strong, because I like him so much.
    But I like myself more….now.
    I feel a little sad but these are growing pains. I know he has come a long way, but he won’t give up his dream for me – and I don’t expect him to. All will be ok. It’s up to him now, and up to me to accept/not accept what he can give. Sigh.
    Just the fact that he has gone quiet again tells me a lot….the pattern is still there, sadly.

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 11:05am

  74. 74: ruthNo Gravatar says:


    Oh heck I feel scared reading your post

    How horrendous was that situation?
    Of course you are not a bad person
    I am just glad your son is removed from it

    Look, i dont have kids so am no expert, but that sort of behavior feel so wrong to me and , yeah, i am not sure why you stay to tolerate it.However wonderful M is

    Goiung through stuff cos of a divorce-yes
    Violence of that order

    yeah, Id be having panic attacks tooand running in the opposite direction

    Please take care

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 11:07am

  75. 75: ruthNo Gravatar says:

    Tam , sory not to comment

    You have come so far too and you will stay strong, I feel sure of this

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 11:09am

  76. 76: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you Ruth, I hope so. I try hard to have no expectations but for this situation to work, to be honest, it would take a miracle at this stage. That’s what’s sad about it. It is actually hopeless really, I realise that my needs have become so strong…. ((((mrP)))) he will have a tough battle to ‘convince’ me if he so wishes.
    But hey, I owe it to me to stay strong.

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 11:18am

  77. 77: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Ruth and smile are you coming to Siren Island? That would feel soooo good, I miss you on there :)

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 11:20am

  78. 78: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    I feel fluttery and strange. Like I’m not really here.

    Just shown someone round my house, feels more real now. I’m actually moving!!!

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 11:22am

  79. 79: TamNo Gravatar says:

    (((smile))) I used to hate showings on my home, and being one foot in and one foot out of a place.. Unsettling… You sound in goods spirits considering :)

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 11:25am

  80. 80: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    Tam, I’m leaning closer! 

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 11:25am

  81. 81: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Warrior is all complainingcomplainingcomplaining all day about his diet and how bad it sucks to be on it.

    i feel kind of negative-rolled.

    i want romantic, happy vibes.

    i’m just not going to respond i guess.

    it feels scary but seriously, i want to take care of me and the kind of stuff i let be fed to me.

    and just send him loving vibes and hope he feels better soon

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 11:26am

  82. 82: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Aw, a cute flower. I feel very petaly 😉

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 11:26am

  83. 83: ruthNo Gravatar says:

    Siren angel

    I have just read your post again and i feel so scared for you

    I was going to say I felt triggered, but that would almost be belittling what I do think about this.For me , this is not a feeling that needs healing.To me, violence is an *absolute* no -no
    its non negotiable
    I do not think i could be with a man who condoned it, in any shape or form which seems to be what M is doing

    If i have got that wrong, forgive me, but what the 1 year old child said to you struck chills into my heart.he is old enough to know the difference between right and wrong, and that would have scared me witless too.And it scares me more that M does not seem to worry about it

    Of course, i am not thre in your situation, and i may have got some bits wrong, but
    maybe your fear is legitimate

    Please take care

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 11:27am

  84. 84: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    Surprisingly feeling good actually, it’s a good nervous… Like Rori says maybe something’s in store for me!!! Love my nervous jitters!

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 11:27am

  85. 85: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    He he, here’s a bunch for you tam 

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 11:28am

  86. 86: ruthNo Gravatar says:

    Tam, BW will sort me out when she is awake
    (re Siren island)

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 11:29am

  87. 87: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    Ruth, thought you would know it. I will be living very close.

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 11:31am

  88. 88: ruthNo Gravatar says:

    Smile, ah nice!

    I have always felt comfy and safe around hospitals, though thats probbaly the last thing i should feel he he

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 11:36am

  89. 89: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    Tam, I often feel like this with strummingman bacause of my feelings for him… I love myself more too though.

    I won’t be getting sucked back I to the pattern for crumbs.

    I remember posting something from Rori about this. Something like… If your feelings are this intense for a man offering crumbs, imagine what it would feel like to be in a real, warm loving , connected relationship! I don’t want to block my chance of this by taking the crumbs.

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 11:36am

  90. 90: TamNo Gravatar says:

    A bunch of flowers…thank you Smile 😉
    Been a while since I had one of them!!!

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 11:37am

  91. 91: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    He he I feel playful! I feel like a cheeky monkey!

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 11:40am

  92. 92: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Smile you and me both. Time to suck up the crumbs into a hoover and grab the nice big cake instead!!! When it comes along!! :)
    I feel happy that we can do it!!! :)

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 11:40am

  93. 93: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    Ruth, here’s a flower for you 

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 11:41am

  94. 94: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    Tam!!! And not just a slice of cake ! We want the whole cake !

    I feel like I’m inspired and going for gold!

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 11:43am

  95. 95: ruthNo Gravatar says:


    thank you Smile

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 11:44am

  96. 96: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Siren Angel – But how do you get away from the gripping fear that an 11 yr old convokes

    All I can say is WOW. I really hope you take the advice being given on the blog and really read what you are writing as an observer watching someone else’s drama.

    I have committed to myself that I will never live in a house with kids that I am afraid of. Definitely not my own and my kids can tell you that because they know. I wonder if you realize that pretty soon they will become teenagers with the possibility of behavior becoming worse.

    Though I am not convinced this is about the kids.

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 11:45am

  97. 97: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Hehe, I love the little pics, Smile, very cute!

    Oh yes, the whole cake. With a ring hidden in it!! Ha!!!

    Going for gold too. We owe it to ourselves. Not a perfect man, but perfect for us.
    I believe he exists.

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 11:45am

  98. 98: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    ((Siren angel)) you deserve the whole cake too , we all do!

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 11:53am

  99. 99: forest sirenNo Gravatar says:

    I had an interesting morning. I was with a cd practicing. I did the rr stance. I was quiet and listened. I appreciated him verbally and I talked in feelings. The rr stance made him cross the room to me. But he also opened up and really shared some personal things with me – they moved me to tears and I let him see that. I talked about how moved I felt. It was scary to let him see that but I feel closer to him because of it. Wow!

    Also I feel curious about what Daria has been saying here recently. I have always found that when I am told to trust myself it is so empowering but maybe I should be more cognizant of the rules. I’m not sure I know we re all here to learn and are doing our very bet.

    SA oh boy! Your story is sooooo triggering for me. It reminds me of a power struggle I was in for a long time with another woman over a man. Yuck. The bottom line was I did everything to not rock the boat to keep the peace as I was so afraid of losing him. I took myself off the table so easily so as not to make it difficult for him. I pretended I didn’t exist in order to say I won’t be the one to cause any drama here because there is so much of it there. I put his peace of mind and his comfort ahead of mine every time.

    I’m not saying your situation is the same just that it is triggering me. I still believe you know your man and your situation best.

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 11:54am

  100. 100: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Siren Angel sorry.

    “It is sooo ironic that he then turns around to his dad to say he doesnt want me around!”

    He might like you enough to be trying to tell you RUN FOR YOUR LIFE. If you would only listen.

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 11:54am

  101. 101: forest sirenNo Gravatar says:

    Sorry for all typos.

    Smile can I have a flower too please? That would make me feel included and it would feel fun!

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 11:56am

  102. 102: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    My boundaries are strong

    I can feel and honour my feelings

    I feel in the moment

    I feel high quality

    I feel excited about the future

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 11:57am

  103. 103: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    RE 89 Smile those words are stuck in my head too.

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 11:59am

  104. 104: SmileNo Gravatar says:

     this ones for you forest siren!

    Feels good to give!

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 11:59am

  105. 105: TamNo Gravatar says:

    I declare:
    Flowers and Cake for everybody tonight!!!!

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 11:59am

  106. 106: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    here’s a flower for you too feminiwoman!

    FW, those words have Helped me soo much!

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 12:01pm

  107. 107: forest sirenNo Gravatar says:

    What a pretty flower! Thanks smile! <3

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 12:01pm

  108. 108: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    Tam hehe! cocktail anyone lol…

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 12:02pm

  109. 109: ruthNo Gravatar says:

    oh yes

    what will it be like when child is a big strapping 16 year old with no boundaries

    SA, you felt scared and that was appropriate in my book.You had every right to!

    Stay safe, please

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 12:02pm

  110. 110: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Oh, better idea!! Cocktails!! Soon in Florida!!!

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 12:03pm

  111. 111: ruthNo Gravatar says:


    Dont mind if i do

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 12:03pm

  112. 112: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Ruth, I’d get us a lovely round of Pina’s, Daiquiris and Martinis when you ladies are coming to see me in Florida 😉

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 12:05pm

  113. 113: ruthNo Gravatar says:

    Martini it has gin
    I *like* gin


    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 12:06pm

  114. 114: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks for the flowers. I will start planning my trip. Oh but I don’t know where in Florida. Hope it’s close to grandpa Disney

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 12:07pm

  115. 115: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    I just felt an hhhhmm about the reference to sugar in the article. Remembering how I heard that fungus feeds on sugar. Maybe the reason for the uncontrollable craving?

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 12:08pm

  116. 116: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    Oo yey! I’ll have a mojito! Oo tam Florida would be fun!!

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 12:09pm

  117. 117: MelNo Gravatar says:


    On dating when you feel really pressed for time:

    When I read your FM about preferring to date on the weekends, I felt a little bad and ‘chastised’… (like I was-if I were a man- ‘wrong’ for suggesting a week-day date).

    “I don’t feel good trying to squeeze a date in on a work day; I want to feel relaxed and comfortable when meeting a man. I’m available on Friday.”

    I feel a little nervous to mention this though, because I feel ‘sure’ that that was not your intent.

    If I might share with you a few instances when I was feeling too ‘busy’ to date and what happened…

    I was in the midst of moving (packing etc.), I had a big feelance project deadline, and was busy enough with my regular day-job. I also had my own interests that took up time as well.

    I was asked out during this stressful time and said something like:

    “Awww… I feel smiley receiving your dinner invitation, and that makes me feel like being ‘rescued’ from all of this ‘stuff’ I feel inclined to accomplish today… but then I feel all tense and anxious and overwhelmed when I think of all the ‘catch-up’ work that will be waiting for me if I skip out on my ‘duties’… Friday would feel sooooooo much more easy-breezy for me. What do you think?”

    His reply: Sorry you’re feeling overwhelmed Mel! But you have to eat don’t you? What would you say if I were to bring you some yummy food and we could take a 30 min break together? Then we can plan a fun date for the weekend when you’re feeling less stressed?

    It was a great compromise and HE came up with the solution.

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 12:10pm

  118. 118: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Oh I do like a good G&T

    Fw, head north of Miami and I’ll meet you on the beach with cool drink in hand :)

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 12:10pm

  119. 119: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    Oh yey FW Disney! Forgot bout that lol! My friend went last year.

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 12:12pm

  120. 120: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Forest siren/Daria – since I read the do’s and dont’s about body language I keep practicing in front of the mirror and realize this about the hardest part of the Rori Raye way for me. It feels unnatural to stand with one foot in front though it looks sexy when I see other women standing like that. Also with shoulders down and hand facing forward feels strange. One thing I notice was that I felt drawn into leaning forward as I watched myself leaning backwards in the mirror.

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 12:12pm

  121. 121: ruthNo Gravatar says:

    Yet another example of feeling messages working
    I feel so envious!

    I want to be able to do it

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 12:12pm

  122. 122: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Smile, I make a good home made Mojito, MrP loves it….but unlike me he did not spend two decades in the UK, so when he tries to get me tipsy I drink him under the table 😉
    Homemade Mojito for all!! (I don’t put much sugar in it at all, lots of lime – almost healthy) 😉

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 12:15pm

  123. 123: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Mel you are such a natural.

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 12:17pm

  124. 124: Goddess LilyNo Gravatar says:

    Cocktails, and cakes and flowers, OH MY! :-)

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 12:19pm

  125. 125: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    I’ve just sent a collegue I work with a heart felt thank you. I’ve said thank you so much to her already but today a lot happened at work and I realise how tough we actually had it.

    Do you know how we got through these incredibly hard times… We laughed! and laughed! Oh we cried often too but after a while it felt so exhausting we could have sunk but instead we pulled ourselves up and flew through the clouds! It took a change in ourmindset to not let ourselves sink with the ship. This has made me stronger. It takes a special person to achieve this with. It feel good to let her know.

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 12:21pm

  126. 126: ruthNo Gravatar says:

    125 Smile

    well, I feel glad to read that you know

    we dont say thank you enough
    we dont say well done enough

    I fel good reading your post
    (I am in text convo about a patient with a nurse colleague and having a laugh)

    neither of us should be working really, but

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 12:24pm

  127. 127: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    Hi goddess lily, here’s yours! It’s feeling good for me to give tonight.

    Mel, a flower for you too 

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 12:24pm

  128. 128: MelNo Gravatar says:


    And I liked Ruth’s suggestion about attracting someone into your life who also likes to run. That way, you are not ‘sacrificing’ your time… just sharing in a fun activity together.

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 12:24pm

  129. 129: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:

    Feminine Woman,

    You know I think you are very wise and I value your thoughts and opinions greatly.

    Then, can I ask you, if it is not about the kids, then what do YOU think/feel this is all about?

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 12:29pm

  130. 130: ruthNo Gravatar says:

    128 yeah mel and it means someone else understands your obsession with times and kit and shoes and toenails and blisters and schedules

    even if they are just friends

    I run alone

    i have many friends who I share my running with
    It is awfully boring to the rest of the world

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 12:30pm

  131. 131: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:


    I am watching my 7 yr old that I just picked up from school eating his after school usual ice cream, vanilla-chocolate soft ice cream swirl in a bowl with smarties. He always orders the same way and the girls at the ice cream place
    find this adorable ‘May I please have soft
    vanilla and chocolate ice cream in a bowl with smarties and a spoon please’.

    I am thinking he deserves better.

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 12:40pm

  132. 132: MelNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks for the flower Smile!

    FW… I was not so much of a ‘natural’ when I started. 😉 You, for one, really helped me reflect on how I was feeling (or trying hard not to feel).

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 12:41pm

  133. 133: ruthNo Gravatar says:

    Aw SA

    your little one sounds like such a little gentle gentleman


    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 12:43pm

  134. 134: ruthNo Gravatar says:

    SA he deserves the world and a happy momma

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 12:46pm

  135. 135: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:

    Unfortunately he has to sleep at his dads again tonight because I still have those huge dryer noisy machines in my house for 2 more days because of the flood.

    I feel a little lost and like my life is totally upside down right now.

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 12:46pm

  136. 136: ruthNo Gravatar says:

    you *are* taking care of the little man

    take care of you too, hey?

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 12:49pm

  137. 137: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    Tam, I had my drink spiked last summer. It’s such a horrible lack of memory, it still feels haunting. I was safe but I’m very weary now of meeting guys when Im out.

    I drink in moderation now, little but often! I don’t like how tooo much alcohol makes me feel. Last time I was drunk was when it turned bad between strummingman and I. I believe I spoke my truth to him, all those stuffed feelings came out in a blamey way. I believe this made him feel differently towards me from this point too. This was just before we moved intogether last year. That’s the last time I remember being ‘drunk’ it’s not a nice feeling memory. I bottled up feelings about money.

    I do go out and drink and get drunk but I know my limit. I stop when I feel relaxed as opposed to drunk now. I dont need it to make me relaxed though.

    Mostly I have a glass of wine with my tea, and a few at weekend. I can handle a few cocktails!

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 12:50pm

  138. 138: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i am tapping thru the 3rd chakra tonite and boy i feel some relief from all that 2nd chakra, apthetic puddle waves fo hopelessness type feelings


    and im feeling excited to get to a place where i feel good!

    i feel so excited to heal what im tapping on oh

    smh with amazement yessss

    all this energy im gonna heal through my 3rd chakra yay and on up and ill feel so free and open after yum i feel expansive already and freer and more powerful

    and LESS pushy and scared to offer my gifts and say

    yes i can help you!

    follow me and i can help you!

    yes finally i will be able to use my wisdom and knowledge to help my family and peoples and beings without feeling extreme dread, disassociating from my body with dizziness, over explaining to control their reaction, and the ‘pushy energy’ just melts away

    SIGH :)

    weeeeeeee giddy feeling ah ah ah ah ah ah ah

    i will receive and feel received after alll yum yum yum

    feeling some mhmmmm pleasure

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 12:52pm

  139. 139: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    Your welcome Mel 

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 12:52pm

  140. 140: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Siren Angel I truly believe that you don’t want to accept that this man is not yet READY to make the big commitment. He seems to be invested. He seems to love you but not adoring and cherishing you.

    Men can and do walk away from relationships with women that they love deeply because they are not willing to commit. I can’t see how any woman can be happy in a relationship unless she feels adored and cherished. It is a blessing to behold a couple who is in that place.

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 12:53pm

  141. 141: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Same here Smile. Actually, I like feeling relaxed and a little tipsy but can’t even remember the last time I was drunk.
    It makes me want to lean forward and I get very emotional, so most I have is about two glasses of wine… Or a cocktail or two.

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 12:54pm

  142. 142: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    Daria, here’s your flower 

    This pic makes me think of you actually hmm maybe it’s because you posted once about dancing?

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 12:54pm

  143. 143: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    a flower for you too siren angel!

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 12:56pm

  144. 144: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Siren Angel I believe if you are honest with yourself you will admit that you have other options around where to sleep. I know how you feel but crawling back to a man who has broken up with you when you are in a vulnerable place changes nothing for him. Maybe if I knew that he called you up and discovered the flood. Then came over packed you up and insisted that you stay at his home I might feel differently.

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 12:56pm

  145. 145: TamNo Gravatar says:

    FW, I’ll second that. It is true that a man can be in love and go through all the motions but not feel like committing – for lots of reasons. For us women this is impossible to grasp because we are different…
    But it is the truth. And I feel also that is the crux in Siren Angels situation.
    He can only change himself – no matter what you or the kids do…makes no difference.

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 12:59pm

  146. 146: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    FeminineWoman – ohhh i feel excited!

    i got that body stuff DOWN, especially when i feel a bit confident

    to open my palms to the front, that used to feel scary, but now the past few days i did it even while walking down the street

    it helped me to raise my shoulders up to my ears, and Hike up my chest a bit! – then drop the shoulders gently opening palms to front.

    lifting my chest up a touch (Rori mentioned lifting boobs as flirty before!) helped me keep my hands open to the front a bit more naturally…

    Feminine Woman i believe Bellydancing really helps me a lot with the softening and body position stuff

    sometimes i find after ive been practicing weekly that im moving fluidly and people stare at me as i get out the car, etc, even women with babies and all, it feels like the world will stop and stare…

    i remember feeling overwhelmed sometimes, and sometimes feeling exhilarated and powerful…

    i notice a lot of my tension goes in my chest/ heart and in my jaw/cheeks

    THAT i want to practice releasing, i fee kinda annoyed that Rori doesnt talk about those areas as much… especially the face cheek parts

    and my eyes kinda unfocus when im feeling terrified (socially)

    uhoh, i feel embarassed ive rambled a bit as i felt scared and went into my pattern of talking a lot after sharing info to CONTROL RESPONSES HEHE But now im super aware of it as this is what im tapping on 3rd chakra

    Bellydancing feels so softening!

    its all about standing on the back leg

    i can even do body rolls on my back heel, i feel so much energy running thru me right now hehe maybe its tingly maybe i can call it “anxious?” energy?

    i feel frantic that im missing something i want to communicate and i feel excited i know its coming…

    sigh… :)

    OH YES!!!!!

    its that ive been practicing with Men and now when i go on a date and im with a man, its like a TRIGGER to get into that soft lean back physical space!

    it feels so easy to get that way around a man on a date…!

    i want to extend that feeling to feel comfortable that way around my family too, thats where ive noticed myself tightening up and not leaing back or open…

    feeling heart squeeze

    i feel DIFFERENT writing this tahn before… i feel more open and i feel more aware of my HEART squeezing mmm

    i feel laughy and so happy my 3rd chakra tapping is healing me so amazingly mmmm

    i feel all softened with pleasure at feeling loved by universe


    smiling up

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 1:03pm

  147. 147: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    I’ve not read my book properly since my hols now, there’s always something else to do. Or I fall asleep because I’m feeling too tired to read.

    I’m taking myself off to bed 2 hours early to get completely absorbed in the story again. It would feel great to lean back in my thoughts tonight.


    Filling the blog with flowers feels lovely right now.

    Night sirens x

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 1:05pm

  148. 148: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Wow Daria. I asked my zumba teacher if we could do some bellydancing in class. She said yes but have not gotten to it yet. I guess it is time to remind her.

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 1:06pm

  149. 149: ruthNo Gravatar says:

    The Rori Raye Dance position

    yeah, makes sense to me
    it is waht i do whan i am listening to my patients

    leanright back, open up my chest and my hands and my heart

    never realised i did that

    it lets them speak to me

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 1:07pm

  150. 150: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Night Smile!! Xx

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 1:08pm

  151. 151: Goddess LilyNo Gravatar says:

    Siren Angel,

    I agree with Tam. They “go through all the motions” and this is how we get stuck. We see A (some nice words) and B (maybe a few nice actions) and feel like C (commitment) just has to follow but it doesn’t always.

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 1:09pm

  152. 152: ruthNo Gravatar says:

    I never used FM

    but it just worked if i leant back and opened my body
    Sort of got that after many years of consultations

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 1:09pm

  153. 153: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    I feel so amazing! I just wanted to share that with the world. Feels like something exciting is about to happen. My LIFE is exciting. So much going on for me, with me. I love it. So many opportunities, so much learning, so much connecting and listening and feeback. It feels like the world is a flower opening up for me, and I’m dancing in the center, feeling fragranced and feminine and sparkly and wonderful!

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 1:17pm

  154. 154: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    I love my hormonal mood swings. I feel curious about them. It feels like a purging of the icky, and an opening to the glorious.

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 1:17pm

  155. 155: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks Smile !!! i just see a lil box and im imagining a beautiful flower for Me and i feel loved and girly :) and soft

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 1:21pm

  156. 156: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    FeminineWoman – i find that teachers are all different, mmm well it all helps tho…

    getting a teacher who ‘gets’ energy even if she doesnt talk about it out loud much feels sooo big eyez hypnotizing and smh in wonder

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 1:23pm

  157. 157: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Ah i feel so relieved and free liek so much tightness and pressure on me/ in me? has been relieved

    i feel open i can even open up my forehead and my eyes wow

    smh this pleasure yum

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 1:24pm

  158. 158: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    I’ve been thinking so much about becoming a vegetarian

    or just only eating meat around my period (which makes me feel very very good)

    or eating meat only on the weekends

    i dunno

    it just keeps coming to me

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 1:26pm

  159. 159: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    so exhilarated saying CAN YOU IMAGINE !!! that i will be able to share ALL I KNOW with my family when they need it most!!!

    and i will be heard and i will be able to help them heal???

    no more heartbreak and desperatelly watching feeling powerless yet holding all the helpful answers


    all my gifts and all the amazing information/knowledge/whatever it is that i have all of that i will be able to share now and actually HELP people

    i wont die from grief of having to hold it and not have it be heard “cuz im not a good communicator” and watching my loved ones suffer “cuz im not amazing enough to get the message across”

    ohhhhh my heart feels compassion for me and i feel so… wide

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 1:27pm

  160. 160: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i feel a lill tight around my jaw feeling all that compassion whcih feels a lil squeezy in my chest and almost like i would cry and now its tight all in my head across my right eye mmmm :/ that doesnt feel so good

    mmmm tight in my heart mmm


    yes i willl be healing the 4th chakra ughhurgh next

    hehehah release tesnion

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 1:29pm

  161. 161: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Starla try it for a day or maybe a week. Babysteps. I did it some years ago though Dominique recently suggested grass fed meat. I use turkey leg when I feel I need meat but mostly I eat salmon.

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 1:34pm

  162. 162: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    My teacher talks about energy. She combines yoga, ballet, pilates you name it into her zumba classes. He has us dance while touching and hugging ourselves. Sexy walking across the floor. Lying down melting into the floor or becoming one with the environment. You name it she is into it.

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 1:37pm

  163. 163: MelNo Gravatar says:

    Is it ‘normal’ to spot a little while on the bcp?

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 1:37pm

  164. 164: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    I love sugar but not ‘messed with’ stuff that doesn’t get love from people being made

    i can really tell the difference with cantina food too, like if its made in big batches and without love it doesnt’ feel as good

    theres a smaller self serve shop down the street and that food Does have some love in it i feel giggly

    i honor and love my food before eating and give compassion to the divine being that it was even if it got unappreciated along the way

    jerks head (jerking when energy moves thru me now)

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 1:38pm

  165. 165: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    thanks fw, when my period is over i will:)

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 1:38pm

  166. 166: ruthNo Gravatar says:

    I absolutely *love* meat and eat my steak *blue*

    But happily go days and days without

    plenty of other sources of protein

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 1:39pm

  167. 167: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    I did too ruth but after having researched how it is handled, particularly in slaughterhouses here in the US I had no qualms of letting it go. I just don’t have any craving or appetite for it anymore.

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 1:42pm

  168. 168: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    163 mel

    totally normal

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 1:42pm

  169. 169: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    i already eat organic, grassfed, etc.

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 1:43pm

  170. 170: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    I feel distracted, like I can’t feel focused reading the page. I want to feel absorbed in my book. I get to the end of the page and can’t remember what’s happened.

    I’m constantly thinking. My brain feels wirry, I can feel the cogs ticking all the time.

    I’m lying down flat. I can feel my back ache a little as it adjusts, my neck feels a little awkward from my extra pillow.
    My feet feel chilly, I can feel the cold running up my legs too. My thumb feels itchy too.

    Going to try and read my book again. Everytime I start thinking and going to switch to feeling. I’m going to take care of myself first and warm my feet.

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 1:46pm

  171. 171: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    Daria, you flower is pretty and pink. I gave you a dancing lady in a red dress too.

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 1:48pm

  172. 172: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    Starla, I’ve been a vegetarian for 20 years.

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 1:49pm

  173. 173: ruthNo Gravatar says:

    mel, yes , it can be
    But you might need to change your pill

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 1:51pm

  174. 174: turquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Siren Angel….. I feel angry at you right now. What in the world are you doing to yourself and your son? Why would you want to subject him to a LIFE and FUTURE with an unstable older sibling? Even if you are not worried for yourself, what about him? This feels very unfair to me. It might be different if you said the child was in therapy…. but his father is a psychologist, and his idea of handling it is to just remove you and your child from the situation…. wtf is that?

    Pack up your stuff, empty the waste basket, get the heck out of there and take your son to a hotel with a swimming pool for the night. You both deserve a mini vacation after all the crap you’ve endured with this family. They aren’t ready, and you are taking crumbs.

    I’m sorry I sound so harsh. But my heart went into my throat when I read what that child said to you, and then realized you WANT this in your life and your sons.

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 1:52pm

  175. 175: MelNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks Starla and ruth…

    Why might I need to change my pill? I’ve been taking it now for almost 6 months, and this is the first spotting episode.

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 1:54pm

  176. 176: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    “Do you have relatives you’d like to see eat healthier but they just laugh at your ways and mock you? Do they even go as far s to suggest that you might be lacking something in your diet? Trust me, I know what it’s like.

    “When I try to tell some of my family how bad some of the packaged foods I see them consuming are, I get so frustrated when they don’t seem to get it. Why would they want to drink soda or Gatorade with bromine in it (an endocrine disruptor used as a fire-retardant and found in many foods other than soda) or eat foods loaded with genetically modified grains and nitrates? It took me a long time to realize that it wasn’t that they didn’t love me or trust what I was telling them but it was that THEY DIDN’T ACQUIRE THE INFORMATION ON THEIR OWN….

    The best way to help a family member is to gently provide them with information like movies articles and books if they’ll read them, feed them healthy foods when they visit your home and be patient with them. Don’t ever give up though. They are listening in their own ways. Make sure you find a supportive community like we have here at Primitive Mommy. It helps so much to surround yourself with like-minded people, even if your only option is online.””

    Primitive Mommy

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 1:55pm

  177. 177: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i notice im sharing a lot – this happens after i tap out 3rd chakra… all aobut putting myself out there

    i still feel some sadness and fear having shared some stuff but also didn’t share other stuff such as feeling triggered a bit and unseen and scared


    im way more aware, tho i wonder if my Habits are still there and now the tweaking will be much easier

    throws head aback as energy jerks thru me …

    and again


    i feel so glad i know this is an energy thng and not some disorder ive developed the last few months

    sometimes i feel scared my parents will decide its a disorder and

    sometimes i not very often have q myself if its a disorder but

    then i remember that its clarly energy related and that i asked for a way to be really clear when im shifting energy and thats when this came up after that intense tapping about rewiring my nervous system

    mmm im feeling panicked of being jdugd type type explain keep talking lol


    i feel so delighted with myeslf hehe

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 2:02pm

  178. 178: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Mel – ah, i wish you weren’t taking them at all, i feel sadness concern for you… i didn’t feel good with how they affected me, got an abnormal pap too, and i’ve heard worse than that from other women… :(

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 2:06pm

  179. 179: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    haha i am so cool

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 2:09pm

  180. 180: MelNo Gravatar says:

    Hey Daria,

    Funnily enough, I think I’m one of those women that feels better on bcp. Without, I get horrible horrible cramping, really bad skin, menstrual migraines, and plus I DO want the intended ‘birth control’ effect.

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 2:11pm

  181. 181: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    I have so much energy!!!

    note ! when working on 2nd chakra, work on 3rd chakra so the energy doesn’t get stuck and ocean wave around !

    this way the healing is going UP and i feel just BEAMY

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 2:12pm

  182. 182: SassyNo Gravatar says:

    What if we all woke up tomoro and had NO memories, NO past, NO previous pain, NO Prior relationships?
    How would you go forward? What would you like your life to look like?

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 2:19pm

  183. 183: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Mel – i hear you about the pregnancy prevention,
    i feel more sad about long term issues esp if you already have issues like mood and skin hormone related…

    stuff like cancer, depletion of minerals, loss of ‘in tuneness’ w nature and spirit and just overall body poisoning stuff


    i felt cool on it too and i also gained weight where i wanted, but i noticed – looking back afterwards – i had been a bit emotionally not as intuitive or in tune w myself sexually/emotionally

    and also i got that issue with the pap and … that felt terrifying

    i feel glad remembering through that through that experience it was the first time i was in a position to say No to a doctor – about doing a cervical biopsy – and got me interested in natural health and now im a Medicine Woman

    so im sure if this is what you want, then it will take you somewhere healing for you…

    my heart squeezes a bit with fear though and so does my tummy, id rather it be a gentler way for you

    good luck babe :( !

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 2:19pm

  184. 184: ReceivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Sirens! I’ve been away for a bit, but thought I’d pop in and say hello! Work has been crazy busy and school is taking up time, so I can’t dilly dally much. I hope you are all doing well. I haven’t even been able to read anything for a while.

    Mr. Observant & I are still good. His divorce was continuing in a bad way, but then last court date, things changed and they agreed upon some visitation after a bit of a struggle. After that, she told him she wants the divorce to be finished, too much stress, she even talking about backing out of it because she has more rights married. I think she’s realizing she isn’t going to get what she wants and that she will not have as much money, he will be able to see the kids without her present and she will need to get a job. Since then, Jabber seems to be “nicer”. I feel distrustful of her “niceness”.

    I asked him if he wants to back out and he said no. If she does, then he will need to petition. The saga continues. I really hope she’s having a change of heart about how she’s been acting and really does want to just come to an agreement and get it over with. However, I’m feeling very leary of it all.

    I hope everyone had a nice summer. It’s seems like fall is upon us. I will be a lot less stressed after the middle of October. So, so much going on.

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 2:21pm

  185. 185: ruthNo Gravatar says:

    was on bcp for over 20 years and was fine on it actually

    its not all bad
    but we are all different, accerpt that

    for me, well, i didnt want to get pregnant ang that was the overriding issue

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 2:22pm

  186. 186: DariaNo Gravatar says:


    (((my sadness)))

    my guilt talking about my sadness when triggered by compassion towards someone else – guilt for maybe scaring or triggering guilt in them ((((guilt)))

    whoa that feels really cool to write, like im discovering me

    head snaps sideways

    bird head

    pigeon head


    head bounces

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 2:22pm

  187. 187: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    ruth – but you seem really depressed now (sorry)

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 2:24pm

  188. 188: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Sassy, that is a beautiful question. thank you

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 2:25pm

  189. 189: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    wow whew can i cope with communicating this directly? (((heart squeeze)))


    (((hunkering over fear)))

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 2:25pm

  190. 190: ruthNo Gravatar says:


    Fair play, I am out of sorts tonight
    Um, I have tasted real suicidal depression a few years ago
    Its not like that now
    I have been better, yep, but Im not so bad

    thank you for noticing

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 2:30pm

  191. 191: ReceivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    Ok, so I can relate to this article. On our first date, Mr. Observant was drinking Monsters like they were going out of style. I personally don’t like energy drinks, but a lot of people love them. After his bipolar, he stopped drinking them. When I read up on bipolar, they say those drinks and caffeine are bad for it. He took up coffee instead of Monsters. I didn’t like that, but in my opinion, coffee is better than Monsters.

    Recently, he’s been wanting Monsters. He had one the other day and I found myself trying to talk him out of it because I’m afraid it will cause an episode. He knows I don’t want him drinking them, but he had one and said, in moderation it’s ok. Then, he said, you know I can get a case at Sam’s and it would be cheaper. I didn’t comment and then he laughed and said to me, “I was just joking.” After that, I felt I should stop because I felt myself being controlling. Now, I feel bad for saying anything.

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 2:30pm

  192. 192: ruthNo Gravatar says:

    oh Daria
    if you are relating to the BCP, not been on it for 7 years, sorry if you didnt mean that

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 2:34pm

  193. 193: ReceivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    @5 Radlove

    Wow, that is a letter with a lot of feeling in it. It sounds like K has said things you didn’t feel he should repeat to other people or say in general? I feel sad you feel you can’t trust him and you needed to write this letter. That’s an awful feeling to have about a friend.

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 2:37pm

  194. 194: AnnieNo Gravatar says:

    Grrrr. I feel irritated, I read words literally and write them literally. I feel so frustrated when other people not on hear different forum then respond and write things that I have not written. Changing my words to then give totally different meaning and making stuff up. GRRRRRRR!!!!!!! AHHHHHHH, Vampire scream!!!!! I feel sad that I have no control over others doing this. Sometimes it feels so very difficult to communicate and then I feel lonely sad. It feel great when I have those rare moment where i just gell with someone and this doesn’t happen.

    I really really really dislike evasive wishy washy language it makes me feel off balance and unsafe. It feels meaningless and non committal. It’s like I am talking to a politician, I feel manipulated when this happens it makes me feel unnerved,

    My heart hurts. Why does it hut I don’t know it just does.

    tears, I feel drained and tired, feel better now.
    Feels tome for tea.

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 2:45pm

  195. 195: AnnieNo Gravatar says:

    Ty for the posts by Ashley FW, they resonate.

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 2:46pm

  196. 196: Dancing SirenNo Gravatar says:


    This post makes me feel a little triggered.

    S has chaged every thing for me!

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 2:48pm

  197. 197: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    “Changing my words to then give totally different meaning and making stuff up.”

    drives me nuts too

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 2:48pm

  198. 198: ruthNo Gravatar says:


    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 2:51pm

  199. 199: ReceivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    @24 Radloe

    I can relate to the smoking thing too. Mr. Observant smokes, more when he was manic and I think for stress relief, but I also don’t care for the smell or taste. However, I haven’t said anything about smoking. It’s his habit to deal with. He keeps saying about quitting and I hope he does one day, but it has to be his decision.

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 2:52pm

  200. 200: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    hmm i notice after 3rd chakra work I seem to ‘blurt’ more

    which feels liberating and then also scared… i fear the backlash as a rock the boat of my past identity

    the blurts don’t come out in feeling messages though so I want to take the time to translate all my new expressiveness

    i feel sad thinking of that cuz it seems so effortful when just expressing feels so damn freeing

    sigh :(

    but then if i Do translate it will feel evern More powerful And i will feel safer!

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 2:54pm

  201. 201: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    Femininewoman – 161 – don’t think it was me. I don’t meat but am not against it, for there are some constitutions which require it or feel better with it.

    I do highly recommend salmon for many reasons.


    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 2:57pm

  202. 202: ReceivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    @30 Siren Angel

    I think you should stop worrying so much. He is obviously not concerned with the kids seeing your things & knowing you were there. Just breathe, relax & let it go. It feels good to me not having to worry about hiding and being secretive. Enjoy it!

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 2:58pm

  203. 203: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    ruth – sorry if that triggered you… for me an acupuncturist told me that I’m depressed one time and it felt really surprisingly eye opening for me and helped me a lot… I ‘got’ it in the moment right then and helped me make some changes in how i was treating myself and my boundaries with others got stronger as i took greater care of what I saw as a more vulnerable me (rather than beating myself up more)

    the truth is i feel concern and yes you do seem quite depressed to me

    and also yes taking a long time bcp could have been a cause or big contributor of that

    but if this isn’t helpful to you feel free to ignore it, its only a ‘seeming’ that’s only worth noting if its useful in some way, otherwise it’s just a passing thought

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 2:58pm

  204. 204: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    I feel there is a lot for me in this article. Mr. C. kept saying that he didn’t want me to try and change him, or influence him to change him. He felt very resistant to that. We’ve had some great conversations since then, realizing when judgements come up and we share them in the moment… even in a joking way, to say, stop judging me… and we handle it in the moment. He does it too. But, i’m sure I do that with other people too… without even realizing or thinking about it consciously. I’m going to try and be much more clear with my words. Choose them, speak in feeling messages and consider not only the effect, but the possible consequences of my words.

    I wish I was a chess player. To consider what my actions now, will result in down the road. I don’t really work that way. I can get caught up in an idea of what I want, and try to make that happen or pressure it into my timeline… but I don’t know that I ever really think about the big idea, what it takes to get there, and what will ruin it. I have so many thoughts tonight. Need to process them.

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 2:59pm

  205. 205: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i feel scared people are gossipping/talking bad about me on blog, but i feel scared to read to see if thats whats going on…


    i feel delighted to see myself writing this wow

    a lot of my paralysis is seemingly gone


    yay Daria you rock

    heart feels tight ACK hehe

    its all good baby we are GROWING

    initial reactions seem to be wavy and then it all clears up!

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 3:00pm

  206. 206: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    About the men loving food and having good appetites…. I love when they are appreciative and complimentary.

    Mr. C. came over to watch a football game Sunday night. His kids were with their mom, so was just him. I made these really easy, but yummy, spicy chicken and cheese nachos. He told me how great they were that night, he loved them. Then he said that everything I make is so good! But the best part was, last night we all went out for ice cream and his son mentioned he wanted nachos. Mr. C. immediately said, “Oh you missed it the other night! Turquoise made the best nachos I’ve ever had!

    That made me feel warm and smiley.

    I don’t believe being a good cook will keep a man, obviously not, but it sure doesn’t hurt to make them feel satisfied and enjoy something you are good at, in your company.

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 3:03pm

  207. 207: bloom-ingNo Gravatar says:

    but if this isn’t helpful to you feel free to ignore it, its only a ‘seeming’ that’s only worth noting if its useful in some way, otherwise it’s just a passing thought

    oh i like that : ) smile smile smile yay happy girl!!

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 3:06pm

  208. 208: ruthNo Gravatar says:

    sok daria
    I am a long time depression survivor

    am ok now
    ok meaning functioning

    I dont think depression is ever totally gone
    we live with it
    we can be happy some of the time

    I dont think it has anything nto do with bcp im my case, had it pre an post.have stron family history of bipolar, thank god Im not that way cos they are all dead

    am ok at the mo with a few bad patches
    am in a mild one at the mo

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 3:08pm

  209. 209: ruthNo Gravatar says:

    Mild bad patch

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 3:08pm

  210. 210: AnnieNo Gravatar says:

    64: Siren Angel says:


    I want to connect with them so this can be ‘fixed’. I am not the bad person this makes me look to be.. like the woman the kids hate… And I really believe M could be a little firmer with his kids about it, telling them he loves me and that I am a good person. I AM extremely nice to them, but they are going through some stuff with their parents divorce and such, and it would be the same with any woman, I am sure. Although, my fault is to get sucked into it, things I should have ignored or played down. But how do you get away from the gripping fear that an 11 yr old convokes when he tells you on a Island with no ferries at night that he once threw a hammer at his mothers bck and his father wouln’t protect her? Should I have laughed and said ‘oh, funny, you are trying to me scare me’.

    Ruth, that night we were on our way to a restaurant on the island and 11 yr old was in my car with me and my son. My 7yr old looked at me I could see in the rearview mirror with a look of disbelief on his face. I have not had a panick attack in 15 years and that night at the restaurant I had to go out for air. I didnt tell M but I had a panick attack outside alone in the rain thinking about the hammer story I had just been told.

    It is sooo ironic that he then turns around to his dad to say he doesnt want me around!”

    Gosh, have you told the father how you felt when his child said this and asked if it was true.

    I would also just have to ask the mother?

    What was your gut instinct about this story.

    I feel off about hearing this.

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 3:10pm

  211. 211: ReceivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    @62 Siren Angel

    Oops…I missed the part about breaking up cause of the kids. So, you’re still dating, but without the kids knowing? That feels bad to me. Him being a psychologist should be able to come up with a better solution. Lying to the kids will not make it better in the long run. They will resent it.

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 3:12pm

  212. 212: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    I woke up panicky. I feel wide awake now :( I’m normally a very good sleeper. I’m putting my energy and thoughts into logistics of moving. This has Always felt stressful in the past. I want it to feel slow, relaxed and easy. Hmm too much on my mind.

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 3:25pm

  213. 213: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    Receiving Girl,

    193 – “Wow, that is a letter with a lot of feeling in it. It sounds like K has said things you didn’t feel he should repeat to other people or say in general? I feel sad you feel you can’t trust him and you needed to write this letter. That’s an awful feeling to have about a friend.”

    Thank you, he said threatening things to them, and cruel things to them. And he had no business contacting them in the first place. The fact that he had their addresses was a thing of trust. He told my Mom something about how I felt about her that I never would have said to her. My friend, Cris, was angry and upset, on the verge of making a police report.

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 3:25pm

  214. 214: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    Receiving girl, hi! I was thinking about you the other day.

    My beautiful pictures I bought from that site you posted never made it to the Walls framed. Im moving. But it’s a good feeling to be moving. I can take all my pretty things with me.

    Glad your feeling good with mr observant.

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 3:28pm

  215. 215: AnnieNo Gravatar says:

    211: Receiving Girl says:

    “@62 Siren Angel

    Oops…I missed the part about breaking up cause of the kids. So, you’re still dating, but without the kids knowing? That feels bad to me. Him being a psychologist should be able to come up with a better solution. Lying to the kids will not make it better in the long run. They will resent it.”

    Lies destroy love.
    I don’t want and lies in my life.

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 4:03pm

  216. 216: AnnieNo Gravatar says:

    I feel shocked that a psychologist would not have any consistent boundaries and consequences with actions that are followed through around his children hitting kicking etc.

    I feel curious does this child get away with that behavior at school?

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 4:05pm

  217. 217: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:

    Annie @210,

    I did mention it to M a few nights later and told him I felt a little scared (but did not mention the panic attack).

    I asked him if he knows what situation 11 yr old was referring too and M was very vague, first saying ‘I don’t know’ but looked away then said ‘oh it reminds me of something, but I’m not quite sure it was like that’ like he did not want to tell me. That is the feeling I got, he was being evasive and brushed it off. I believe he did ask 11 yr old about it that night, because at some point 11 yr old seemed upset that night after a talk with his dad. M was even more upset after. I am not sure what was said between the two, but M seemed very concerned and convinced 11 yr old does not like me.

    My first reaction when he told me was disbelief, then raw fear. I am already afraid he would hurt my kiddie, maybe even subconsciously, because he wants his dad all to himself. He is also ADHD so very active and impulsive, violent with his siblings and the siblings have started doing the same.

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 4:09pm

  218. 218: AnnieNo Gravatar says:

    Wouldn’t a psychologist know that his child needed a healthy outlet for when he was angry like hitting his pillow or jumping up and down on a trampoline etc, rather than allowing his child to hit other children and doing little or nothing about it and not facilitating in teaching his child to have a healthy outlet for his anger.

    I feel off about this.

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 4:09pm

  219. 219: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:


    I am not privy to information about what happens at school. I know he does have learning difficulties because of his ADHD and it is very difficult to get him to do any school work. I believe there was an issue where both parents were called in last May or June, but the only information I got was ‘something happened because another kid did this and then ’11 yr old’ did such and such’ but I don’t remember what (I do believe someone got hurt) and I did not get any real details.

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 4:13pm

  220. 220: AnnieNo Gravatar says:

    ADHD is not a get out clause and doesn’t mean you will not be held accountable for your actions.
    Prison is proof of that been as most have the diagnosis of ADHD in the uk.

    If that were my child I would want to be doing everything in my power to help facilitate in the development of gaining better impulse control and teaching that actions have consequences.

    What do you think?

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 4:18pm

  221. 221: AnnieNo Gravatar says:

    Not easy Siren Angel.

    He will get excluded if he continuously hits at school even with a Diagnosis of ADHD.

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 4:21pm

  222. 222: bloom-ingNo Gravatar says:

    raining & it’s quiet nap-time in the house…

    cat’s in the dog’s bed. dog’s on the floor, waiting

    i’m home but still up quiet in my mind so silent & preparatory


    everything around, & it feels like i’m not anything

    yet. my body thrills at the promise of work to be done

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 4:25pm

  223. 223: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:

    Awww, Thank you Smile for the flower!

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 4:25pm

  224. 224: bloom-ingNo Gravatar says:

    can’t stand that close-in punctuation – drives me mad !

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 4:27pm

  225. 225: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:


    I absolutely agree about ADHD, remember my oldest has ADHD.

    The issue here is that I am starting to see that M somehow thinks it is better for 11 yr old that I am not around because he gets upset when I am and I do point out the ‘bad’ behavior. Frankly I think he doesn’t know what the heck* to do in those instances and does not want the drama of upset kids and prefers to put the blame on me.

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 4:29pm

  226. 226: bloom-ingNo Gravatar says:

    (((((siren angel)))))

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 4:30pm

  227. 227: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:


    I want to put together a speech for M about how we could solve our issue around the kids and about what I want.

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 4:31pm

  228. 228: bloom-ingNo Gravatar says:

    “i feel off about this ” i like to say this in my mind right now, but… am not sure i would know what to do with it…. bobble bobble wobble wobble image making me giggle

    i’m getting too how i like the punctuation within the sentence to be close, but then the sentence-ender to be separate like this ! bee bop ! makes me happy ! how fun ! ummmm & i like the colons separate : but maybe the semicolons close in ; no, actually i like it better like this . mmm i love the periods distant . makes me think like music, cadence, feeling so excited : ) mmm space-y emoticons lol

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 4:38pm

  229. 229: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:

    I am at my home tonight, even though it’s crazy noisy and little one is at his dads for the night.

    We went for ice cream after school and then the park and then I got him a new book (he’s a book monger) and then brought him to his dads for supper and homework as there is no way to do this at my house right now with the huge dryers and dehumidifiers everywhere.

    I feel a little sad at this whole situation. My life has been totally crazy in the last month and a half. Car accident, new job taking some time to lift off, the vacation, the breakup, the flood, the reunion with M in these circumstances. I feel a little overwhelmed yet hopeful and I have a gut feeling that things are about to change for the best. Don’t know why, but I have that feeling.

    My self-esteem has been a little hit. Yet, I continue to do my Yoga and try to look on the bright side of things. Maybe I should just get angry, but I don’t want to become a ‘spiteful woman’, that would feel icky and unattractive to me.

    There are so many thoughts and considerations on my mind, the time invested in the relationship with M, the kids and their interactions, my ability to connect with them in the circumstances drawn out by M and the results. I am looking for that streak of light that will make sense of it all or show me the way.

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 4:39pm

  230. 230: Goddess LilyNo Gravatar says:

    I’m feeling giddy but also scared. I may have inadvertently (subconsciously on purpose) let my ex from work, D, know I’m single again. Whenever I wasn’t over functioning, leaning forward, and pressuring him about “us” we always had a great time together. Originally I was thinking I would just see if he might be a candidate for cding (practice -if we start dating again I’ll call him workCD) since he’s still very much focused on work and fun and not a commitment. And now I’m already back to thinking about him and letting my thoughts distract me from studying for my certification. I feel excited but I also feel like my excitement is followed closely by expectations…..expectations that I should not have, especially not with this man.

    How do I get back to focusing on me and being fine with him not immediately wanting to give me all his attention? (He certainly has mine.). If for no other reason than this very difficult and expensive test I’ve already invested in that I must take in a few months.


    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 4:39pm

  231. 231: BelleNo Gravatar says:

    I take back any snotty attitude I might have had about using the blog for triggers.
    I feel so blessed right now, so self-satisfied and I feel so much gratitude!
    If I hadn’t felt my way through the snarly wounded masculine stuff triggered by the blog a few days ago, I might have had a meltdown in my supervisor’s office today.
    It freaks me out how totally I can misread people sometimes.
    He brought several of us in to show us a mistake in billing that had been made and was instructing me on how to flag it in the future
    I pointed out that I HAD flagged it
    He seemed to be going around in circles and not making sense
    I felt the adrenalin rise
    I told them I felt defensive because I was hearing that it was my fault and I was being blamed and I damn well nearly CHOKED getting the words out.
    Everyone was
    calm, eerily calm and my supervisor responded in a way that totally assured me with his body language that he wasn’t blaming me or anyone really, just wanted us to be more aware of the process.
    I felt the sparkly prickly energy rising up my throat and into my forehead and 2 hours later my “3rd eye” is still tingling, like something opened.

    Also something very very cool!
    Last year I dreamed I saw a sign that said, “BIONEERS”, so I looked it up online and found a local event happening within a few weeks and volunteered. I met several people there, and this past weekend saw a woman I had met. She got my contact info, and today called and asked if I could help her cover a catering event this weekend.

    Around the same time I got a text that my regular Saturday night playdate was cancelled, so I was free to go to the event…so, I get to make some extra cash and eat and serve raw food AND meet some very cool people.

    I was dancing and singing in my car on the way home and feeling so grateful and so happy to be MEEEEE!!!!!
    I love my life!
    I feel like I’m full of big boinging bouncy springs!!

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 4:40pm

  232. 232: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:


    It’s hard for me to take that decision to just pack up and go and not look back. Even through all this, I love M and his kids too! My kiddie adores M and he likes his kids.

    Yes, the environment is very important for me. The environment is filled with activities with M and fun times. The problem is in the behavior of the kids that is not getting addressed and my worries and fears that my son, or one of M’s kids, will eventually get really hurt.

    It feels tragic to me to leave a relationship because of an issue that could easily be solved with parenting techniques and more connection or more time for M alone with his kids and maybe even a different custody schedule as he only has them 4 days one week and one day the following week, I believe they are also acting up because they need more of their dad.

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 4:45pm

  233. 233: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    Siren Angel,

    How did you receive Turquoise’s comment 174?

    I have to agree with her.

    And, in the light of Sassy’s question 182
    “What if we all woke up tomoro and had NO memories, NO past, NO previous pain, NO Prior relationships?
    How would you go forward? What would you like your life to look like?”

    This is the streak of light you seek, yes?

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 4:46pm

  234. 234: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    I am learning and intuiting what a partnership looks like.

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 4:52pm

  235. 235: SassyNo Gravatar says:

    YW Starla,

    I asked that because so much has been posted about “things coming up to heal”, and “why are so many sirens stil here after so many years and not having the relationship they want” and especially Turqouise’ post about needing to get clear on what she really wants.
    I’m not repeating these words to be mean, but what if we all just woke up every day and really made a conscious effort to start new, a clean slate, fresh and unencumbered by our pasts? No blame, no shame, no guilt, forgive who you need to forgive, forgive yourself, stop trying so hard to be what you think everyone else thinks you should be, and just BE….?

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 4:54pm

  236. 236: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    I want partnership and alliance. Joyful, cosy, adventurous, surprising alliance.

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 4:54pm

  237. 237: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    I want to experiment with punctuation distance , too .

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 4:56pm

  238. 238: LuzydelNo Gravatar says:

    I am not going to do anything at all when it comes to men! I am going to live my life and be happy, and love me! men will either show up or they wont, but I am not going to obsess about it.

    Yayy for dating myself! Funny thing is that when I date myself, is when I flirt the most with random men around…

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 4:59pm

  239. 239: Butterfly wingsNo Gravatar says:

    SA – The situation with 11yo really feels scary to me.

    The safety of my girls is and always will be #1 and this would be a dealbreaker for me.

    You cannot “make” M see how his parenting techniques are not helping, so I’m really not sure how you think this can be resolved.

    If it were me, after that incident with 11yo I would have ended the relationship saying that I felt unsafe and worried for the welfare of my children and could not continue a relationship while things are like that.

    If the guy loved and wanted me enough, he would know what to do… (((SA)))

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 5:02pm

  240. 240: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:

    Basically, we are back in the same situation we were in last January/February, seeing each other without the kids.

    It will become more and more clear to me if this can evolve to where we were at before vacation in the next few days.

    My son is not violent in the least bit, and I am not worried that he would develop that as he has very different parenting from his dad, the other extreme. He is also much more of an intellectual type and needs to be pushed to do more physical things and for that the interaction with M and his kids has been tremendously beneficial. There are may facets to this situation.

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 5:04pm

  241. 241: Butterfly wingsNo Gravatar says:

    Mel, if you’re taking Yaz or Yasmin, please stop taking it. Now.

    Using google you can search for the support forum for “survivors” of this BCP.

    It totally messed up my life for a year. :(

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 5:05pm

  242. 242: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:


    I know – but what if my worries are unfounded? What if it hurts my son more to leave these kids?

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 5:08pm

  243. 243: LuzydelNo Gravatar says:


    sometimes if you wouldn’t have been alone, you wouldn’t have met the people you were suppose to meet. Embrace solitude, if gives you confidence and leave a little space for the people who may want to be alone with you…

    This makes sense to me…

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 5:08pm

  244. 244: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:


    Maybe this is exactly what he sees happening in the future he has no idea how to control the situation…

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 5:09pm

  245. 245: Butterfly wingsNo Gravatar says:

    If he threw a hammer at his mother, you have a whole lot to worry about there and I’d be immediately removing my children from that situation.

    The other examples (like jumping on the sibling’s heads) you gave also frightened me. My friend’s son has ADHD and he is not violent at all. I’d be extremely worried about that child and his mental stability.

    If he’s not being disciplined now, who knows how much worse it could get?

    This must be so awful for you.

    But let me ask you this:

    What do you think it would take for you and M to get back together?

    What has to change for it to work next time around?

    Because if nothing changes, you know what’s going to happen, right?


    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 5:13pm

  246. 246: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    Hi ReceivingGirl!

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 5:36pm

  247. 247: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:

    BW @245,

    Those are excellent questions and reflections!

    I do not know for sure if he really threw a hammer at his mom’s back, as he may just have been trying to scare me and freak me out. I am concerned about M’s reaction to my bringing it up as I felt he did not want to share on this, but again maybe he had no idea what I was talking about and maybe something happened similar to that that had nothing to do with 11 yr old. It is a mystery.

    “What do you think it would take for you and M to get back together?” The kids would need to express that they miss me and to endorse my presence in their lives to their father. Some kind of agreement with M and I would need to be in place on how to handle these situations. Some courage on M’s part to tell his kids he loves me and can judge for himself if I am good for them.

    What has to change for it to work next time around? A lot of will from both M and I to stick to our agreement on how to handle these situations.

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 5:37pm

  248. 248: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    I replied to him asking ohh what happened and he said he’d have to call him. I felt afraid he might call right away away and I was extremely stressed at work, so gave him the time I can talk on the phone. Have not heard from him yet.

    I think if he calls and if his problem is not too awful I will still give him FM’s about being stood up two nights in a row and wanting to feel more cared about.

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 5:38pm

  249. 249: LuzydelNo Gravatar says:

    225: Siren Angel

    I don’t think he is blaming you; I think he is just putting his kids happiness first.

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 5:41pm

  250. 250: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:


    M asked me to text him tonight to let him know if I was staying home or going to a hotel.

    What do you think?

    ‘I feel little silly with ear plugs but thankful for a little down time. Texting as you asked me to let you know…’


    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 5:41pm

  251. 251: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    Or am I being ‘too easy’?

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 5:41pm

  252. 252: ReceivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    @213 Radlove

    That is just not cool. I would feel very bad about that as well. I hope you were able to get past that with them and it didn’t cause too much damage.

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 5:41pm

  253. 253: ReceivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    @214 Hi Smile! I’m feel happy to hear you are moving and will have all these beautiful things to decorate with…that is always exciting!

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 5:43pm

  254. 254: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:

    I am having difficulty coming up with a good FM, but he asked me to text.

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 5:43pm

  255. 255: MemuloNo Gravatar says:


    Are you not staying at his place?

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 5:43pm

  256. 256: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:


    I would save the ‘feeling ignored’ for when you see him in person.

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 5:44pm

  257. 257: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:


    Tonight I am staying home but he offered to pay for a hotel as his kids are at his place and we decided it was best to not be there. They don;t know I am back and it is not clear when they will know.

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 5:45pm

  258. 258: Butterfly wingsNo Gravatar says:

    SA, M seems very closed down about the issue with his children and doesn’t seem to have acknowledged his part in the lack of discipline either.

    If it were me, I would need to see that to change before I would consider a relationship again (to protect my children) because until he sees that, nothing will change.

    If nothing changes with regard to that, you will be stuck here in this situation again in another year.

    The biggest obstacle here I don’t believe you have any control of, and he doesn’t even seem to see a problem with the discipline.

    What do you think you can do differently to get a different result?

    Sorry rambling. At work typing on phone! :)

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 5:46pm

  259. 259: BelleNo Gravatar says:

    I missed the references to violence with your situation, Siren Angel.
    I feel weird and my tummy feels gurgly and nauseous.
    Despite what you might think when you are putting him on a pedestal, your guy does NOT sound like a good parent. He sounds very messed up.
    I fail to see how putting your sensitive son in a situation with an insensitive adult man and his distressed children could POSSIBLY be good for your son.
    And now I’m thinking of your dream…the sensitive woman and the vulnerable baby being pushed out of the room.

    Now I really must turn away as I’m sure my attention will not help.

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 5:46pm

  260. 260: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:


    Possibly, removing myself from the situation. But he was ready to do that. So I don’t know…

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 5:47pm

  261. 261: MemuloNo Gravatar says:


    I was not planning to use ‘feeling ignored’ thing. Was shooting for feeling low priority and want to feel cared about.

    But maybe it was his way to check if I am talking to him at all and now that i jumped and did talk to him he doesn’t have to call me;)

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 5:49pm

  262. 262: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    SA, I would take hotel:)

    Let him take care of you

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 5:49pm

  263. 263: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:


    Part of me thinks I may be overacting and seeing danger when it is just kids acting up… This is what makes me ‘waver’.

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 5:49pm

  264. 264: ReceivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    @246 Hi Memulo!! How is everything going with you and SmartCD?

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 5:50pm

  265. 265: MemuloNo Gravatar says:


    I would worry about your relationship with him. Seriously, they respect you more when you cost them more lol. You deserved to stay at a hotel. Let him work for you!

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 5:51pm

  266. 266: MemuloNo Gravatar says:


    thanks for asking, I wish I knew 😉

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 5:52pm

  267. 267: ReceivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    @258 Siren Angel

    I agree with BW. His child sounds like a big issue. How can the relationship be good if you are feeling so uneasy about the 11 year old and his capacity for violence? Even if he made up the hammer story…it is still something that came from his head. That is scary in itself. I would be worried too.

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 5:53pm

  268. 268: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:

    Aww… Memulo… Just booked the room. Thank you. Will make for a much better FM too!

    Receive, yes!

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 5:54pm

  269. 269: ReceivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    @266 Memulo

    I’m sorry to hear that. I was hoping progress would have been made. :(

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 5:56pm

  270. 270: Butterfly wingsNo Gravatar says:

    His values around parenting seem to be very different to yours.

    Is it really worth putting your son (who sounds like a georgeous thing!) through that long term?

    If 11yo’s behavior was an issue for you before, it will continue to be an issue until M acknowledges there’s a problem.

    I’m wondering how M would have reacted if things were different and instead of him ending it, you did, saying that you don’t want to be in a relationship with a guy who has kids who are so volatile…. Hmmmm…

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 5:57pm

  271. 271: MemuloNo Gravatar says:


    You’ve officially become my self esteem proof lol. Would you have responded to a text that he is in trouble and give him the best time to call (i.e. he said he wanted to call)?

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 5:58pm

  272. 272: Goddess LilyNo Gravatar says:

    @263 Siren Angel

    Doesn’t seem like you are overreacting about the child, seems like your guy is under reacting or avoiding. Glad you are at a hotel now. I hope your evening is peaceful.

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 5:58pm

  273. 273: LuzydelNo Gravatar says:

    Found this in an old Blog from 2010…

    How about this:

    Do Nothing.

    That’s Number 1 for me. We’re all working so hard, trying so hard, trying to push away our deeper feelings – actually trying to push away love for ourselves and everyone and everything else. Working to survive, instead of to experience and live. Just sit or lay down and do nothing productive.

    See how it feels. See if you can experience pleasure in nothing.

    Then – how about this:

    Forgive yourself.

    Forget about forgiving anyone else. Anyone who hurt you or raised you painfully or rejected you or did or is doing a hurtful thing to someone else. Just focus on forgiving you.

    And then this one:

    Sit down. Smile with your heart. Smile with your liver.


    Everyone you meet on your journey is your teacher…

    Love, Rori

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 5:59pm

  274. 274: BrandylionNo Gravatar says:

    No, Daria, I do need help with the tools. They don’t work for me, so clearly I’m doing them wrong. Actually, the only Rori tool I use is FMs. I don’t remember the other ones, or at least not in the moments when they might actually be useful.

    The fact that I can’t even get men to meet me in person should be an indication of just how little healing I’ve done and just how far I have yet to go before Mr. Right will even notice I exist.

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 6:00pm

  275. 275: Butterfly wingsNo Gravatar says:

    Lol Memulo! I feel warm and fuzzy reading that! :)

    Did he say in the text that he specifically wanted to call you?

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 6:02pm

  276. 276: ReceivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    Siren Angel, enjoy the hotel!

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 6:03pm

  277. 277: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Siren Angel, I know it’s not easy to leave a relationship you really want, but this still sounds like a lot of excuses to me. So, with that said…. I’m going to shift my focus to the only thing I feel I can share that you might accept.

    There are a lot of things you can do and expose your child to, to broaden his horizons. He could join a sport and make friends with new team mates, take music lessons or art classes and meet new children there. He could join scouts and learn to camp and be outdoorsy. But you have more children right? Having siblings should help with that, no matter what. You cold invite some of his friends over once a month for a sleepover, where kids play and act silly and have fun.

    As far as a text, I would simply text good night.

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 6:03pm

  278. 278: MemuloNo Gravatar says:


    Sorry, I shouldn’t have said that. We’ve been growing closer, we take 1-2 day trips, he is in a much better mood, almost back to normal, etc.

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 6:03pm

  279. 279: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    And to clarify, I didn’t say you had to walk away forever and close the door. It doesn’t have to be now or never. My ex and I were apart for years when we reconnected. It didn’t grow into a new relationship, but the opportunity did arise. You are selling yourself short to believe you only have this one opportunity to keep him. He can choose you, at any time. If you still want him that is.

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 6:05pm

  280. 280: MemuloNo Gravatar says:


    Yes. I asked what was wrong and he replied ‘I’ll have to call you’. So I gave him the times.

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 6:05pm

  281. 281: Butterfly wingsNo Gravatar says:

    Brandylion – could it be that you don’t perceive yourself as high enough value?

    If you had the attitude that they get to see you only on weekends, otherwise it’s their loss, do you think things would be different?


    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 6:06pm

  282. 282: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    He is not calling. Let me guess.. fell asleep!

    Next time he complains he has a trouble sleeping I will have a good answer for him lol

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 6:10pm

  283. 283: BrandylionNo Gravatar says:

    I had someone to run with. And he dumped me.

    And running is now tainted, because all I think about when I run is him and the runs I did with him.

    I don’t know If I want to share it with someone else because the same thing will happen again.

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 6:10pm

  284. 284: forest sirenNo Gravatar says:

    Memulo do you use the word feel in your messages with him?

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 6:10pm

  285. 285: ReceivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    @278 Memulo, it’s good to hear that things have improved. I would have responded to a text like that 😉

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 6:12pm

  286. 286: LuzydelNo Gravatar says:

    I feel triggered!!
    I don’t know if it is okay to express my triggered feelings! Because the posts are not about me, but I feel triggered anyway… something I need to heal!

    I do not like to read about an 11 year old being a big problem!!! it is just a child!!!

    I love children, even “bad” children!
    I would feel angry if a stranger comes to my life and tells me what to do!!! Then tell my dad, how he needs to “fix” me… She doesn’t Like me!! She thinks I am not good!!
    who does she think she is? I had my dad first anyway!
    I am not a demon, just an 11 years old who just experience mom and dad break up… I rather push people away than get attached and be heart broken again…

    wheew! I have to take care of my inner child and my own fears of abandonment…

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 6:12pm

  287. 287: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    Why on earth did I reply with times?? Normal me would just let it go. I felt guilty he may be in real trouble and I was too busy to reply to his first trouble text for 5 hours

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 6:12pm

  288. 288: Butterfly wingsNo Gravatar says:

    Ok Memulo, that’s fine because you weren’t available at that time.

    Now lean RIGHT back and shift that focus of yours on to something else!

    History tells me that he very likely won’t call, so I’d be inclined to drop any expectations of a call at this point too.

    I hope he does though. And remember, if you have no expectations and he does call, then you get to feel pleasantly surprised! 😉

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 6:13pm

  289. 289: UliiNo Gravatar says:

    Feeling quite ashamed of myself.

    About a month ago I visited a good friend.

    He has a long distance girlfriend. And I have many other cd-s. But the moment felt special and we obviously were very attracted to eachother (I hadn´t seen him before in real life). He made the move and as I gave in, and slept with him. many times during the few days I visited him.

    I knew it was not going to be good after that. But I still did it. I guess out of loneliness, not having felt such passion in a long time & the feeling of sharing so many aspects of myself with somebody (talks & walks & life situation & music…& good s3x).

    I left & the girlfriend arrived & left again The silly part of me kind of expected he´d tell her everything, leave her and become running after me. That didn´t happen.

    He’s sending me sms he’s feeling sad & missing me. That he has not been sharing things “at this level” with any-one before. He´s complaining a bit how he has nothing in common with the girlfriend and doesn´t see a future with her. We are also chatting & sending some e-mails. Pictures & links to videos & random stuff. But I feel sad & inauthentic and also I´m becoming more resentful with every passing day. If i share some bad feelings, he´s saying things like “I´m not happy with this situation either. I guess I´m too afraid. I don´t want to hurt people.”

    But the same time sayin I should go to visit him again. He gets angry or sad if I mention I´m going out or to meet someone or if it seems I´m around other men. (Which I am).
    So it´s obvious we can not have that relaxed & friendly communication we used to have.

    These last few days I got specially vulnerable and feeling low. And he´s picked up on that and become angry & distant himself.So I decided it’s better to cut off contact altogether, as I don´t see anything good developing out of this.

    But, out of respect, I though I should be letting him know. When I tried to say it (I was quite in an upset mood, so maybe it wasn´t very sireny), he said he thinks I´m wrong, he doesn´t agree & that it´s like an ultimatum & that he had horrible headache. So we couldn´t rerally “finish” the talk & agreed to talk it once more. That was 2 days ago. And we still have not been able to talk anything more. I feel he is afraid & avoiding me a bit, or maybe it´s the circumstances and not being able to be online same time. I don´t really feel like forcing him to have “the talk” about it either, but I feel just deleting him from my contacts after being friends for so long would be a bit cruel thing to do.

    What do you think? Should I just delete him. Or explaind the no contact somehow. In feeling messages? What would you do?

    I just feel so bad about this all. And kind of lost. And I miss the friend I had in him.

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 6:13pm

  290. 290: MemuloNo Gravatar says:


    Sometimes I do. I said ‘tonight will feel good’. What exactly will feel good if he has bad news I don’t know:)

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 6:15pm

  291. 291: ReceivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    @286 Luzydel you make a good point. I’m sure he’s had a tough time, as all kids do with divorce. But, what if he is violent?

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 6:18pm

  292. 292: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Luzydel, you are right. It’s just a child and he shouldn’t be the problem. The problem is the father not being willing or able or wanting to, whatever it is, be a team with Siren Angel and put her first.

    I just had this conversation recently with Mr. C. about how you are supposed to put your partner before your children. I was the one who was waivering…. how could I put someone else before my girls, especially someone new, who wasn’t their father. And he said something to the effect of… , because they are children. You make a commitment to that other person to be a team and support each other.

    Reflecting on that, I felt that it goes without saying that you’d choose someone who loved your children, had their best intentions at heart, and who obviously has values and ideals you believe in, or you wouldn’t choose them. But they have to feel the same way, that they are choosing this other adult as their partner/team mate, etc. to parent with, not around.

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 6:18pm

  293. 293: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    It is called emotional blackmail:) He knows I am sympathetic so it was a smart thing to send me this to get me respond and check his status with me!

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 6:19pm

  294. 294: UliiNo Gravatar says:

    Also wanted to say:

    Hi to all the new Sirens! I am not a new poster, just not being on the blog too often, so it´s nice to see there are many new names. And also great to see the names I already recognize. I have read glimpses to see how you´re all doing. Not feeling I can comment too much though before doing some more reading.

    Siren Angel! Read about the flood at your house. Hope everything gets tried quickly.

    Hugs to all!!!

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 6:22pm

  295. 295: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Ulli, good to see you on here! Maybe give it a little space with your guy. Does a decision need to be made right now? Would it hurt to take a few days and see if things clear up at all? I have learned to let go of my urgency, especially in deleting contacts, deleting from facebook, etc. Usually things get so much better after a few days, that I’m so relieved I didn’t react in the moment. It still may not work out as a happily ever after, but maybe it will find it’s way back to a better spot than you feel you are in now. Hugs to you!

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 6:25pm

  296. 296: ReceivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    @289 Ulii

    Gosh, that is tough. I don’t feel you are giving an ultimatum. Sounds like he’s too chicken to end things with gf, but he wants to keep you as well and that’s not really fair. You have your decision to make and he has his. You both need to do what is best for yourselves. I understand needing to talk because of your history. If it doesn’t happen, maybe an email would suffice, just to say what you are feeling?

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 6:25pm

  297. 297: UliiNo Gravatar says:

    Hope everything gets dried quickly!* Pardon my English! It´s a bit late here. :)

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 6:27pm

  298. 298: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Sassy, did my post sound bad/sad/confused to you? I really like your ideas about forgiving others, forgiving myself, and making a fresh start, each day if needed. :)

    I do feel better than earlier today. I’m starting to picture what it is I do want. I would like to be married, but a lot of that is about the ring and the ceremony. Mainly I want a companion, my other half, to live and enjoy life with. To be my best friend and my lover. To enjoy the small things with, but also the big things like holidays, vacations and creating new memories. To count on to be part of my future. That is what I want.

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 6:28pm

  299. 299: LuzydelNo Gravatar says:

    292: Turquoise

    Yes and No, he also is committed to his children, and he has not made an official commitment to SA, just vague promises…the only real commitment he has right now are his children.

    Also I work with children and families of Psychologically disturbed children…The child SA is describing is more a child who feels neglected and needs attention and is afraid of getting attached and is pushing her away etc. If he was violent he would have done something already… We adults do the same anyway, it is easy to be “mean” and push people away than to let them close and risk on getting hurt again…

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 6:30pm

  300. 300: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:

    Just made it! It’s a small hotel in the suburb next over mine…

    What do you think of this: ‘I feel all warm and soft and peaceful… At the xx hotel. Thank you’


    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 6:33pm

  301. 301: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:


    I am rushing for an FM but I want to read your posts right after, i looked quickly and it’s very insightful.

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 6:34pm

  302. 302: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:

    I feel all soft and peaceful… At the xx hotel. Thank you’

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 6:35pm

  303. 303: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:


    “I feel safe and all soft and peaceful. at x hotel. thank you”

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 6:37pm

  304. 304: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Welll…. Luzydel, I kinda disagree with you. When marriage is on the table and you are involving children in a relationship then, I do feel there should be a commitment to each other to make the best of all of it, for everyone. Of course he is committed to his children, that goes without saying. but unless I missed something, I haven’t seen where SA did anything harmful to him.

    Yes, the child feels neglected and wants more time with his dad. Divorce sucks, especially for kids. But the only solution the dad can come up with is to end a relationship with a woman he’s at least led to believe with a promise ring, that they are building a life together? Please, to me… that is an excuse on his part.

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 6:42pm

  305. 305: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:

    Actually, this room is just ‘ok’ but not so bad, much better than the horrible noise at my house… at least i will get a good nights sleep and there is internet and a tv.

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 6:45pm

  306. 306: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Siren Angel…lol,

    The feeling message could go something like this…
    I’m feeling a little disappointed in this lackluster hotel room, but appreciate the quiet, the tv and internet access. Thank you for taking care of me.

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 6:49pm

  307. 307: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:

    Luzydel @299,

    When I mentionned to M that 11 yr old is seeking his attention he became very defensive and blamey. I know this is going on because of the divorce and the mother ‘uses’ the kids by manipulating them in thinking in certain way, which she has done to her 2 older kids (21 and 190 who no longer talk to their dad (another dad).

    “is afraid of getting attached and is pushing her away etc. … … it is easy to be “mean” and push people away than to let them close and risk on getting hurt again…” I had not seen it this way at all… Are you saying I did not make him feel secure?

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 6:49pm

  308. 308: UliiNo Gravatar says:

    @ ReceivingGirl 295

    Thanks for responding RG! I was actually thinkng about you the other day and that going through posts I have not seen you lately (as myself) on here. I saw now you are still good with Mr Observant and his divorce is getting a bit better direction. Good to hear that!

    About what you say to me. Yes, I think e-mail would be the way to go if we are not able to get to talk another way. Anyway I feel a bit overwhelmed, like even leaning forwardy, even having to delete him and explain it. But I´m not feeling capable of just freindly casual chat, because I do feel angry with him not being “brave enough”…and I feel this negativity is growing in me…and he senses it. So it´s all awkward between us right now.

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 6:50pm

  309. 309: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:

    Luzydel @299,

    When I mentionned to M that 11 yr old is seeking his attention he became very defensive and blamey. I know this is going on because of the divorce and the mother ‘uses’ the kids by manipulating them in thinking in certain way, which she has done to her 2 older kids (21 and 19) who no longer talk to their dad (another dad).

    “is afraid of getting attached and is pushing her away etc. … … it is easy to be “mean” and push people away than to let them close and risk on getting hurt again…” I had not seen it this way at all… Are you saying I did not make him feel secure?

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 6:50pm

  310. 310: LuzydelNo Gravatar says:

    He is free to do what he wants and a promise ring for a grown woman sounds a cheap promise to me… I rather have the real ring with a set up date and a plan, but that is just me.

    I wouldn’t force myself to children who don’t want me, I may try to win them over, but if it doesn’t work I will leave, There is no commitment if there is no marriage, promises are not a commitment.. Children are forever…. Not saying SA was mistreating the kid, I was just feeling triggered to some comments who were demonizing him with out knowing the whole story…

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 6:52pm

  311. 311: BelleNo Gravatar says:

    I feel more peaceful.
    I was *trying* to get myself worked up and triggered.
    I thought I *should* feel something different
    but I see other people, more qualified, are handling things and I don’t have to react or deal with every little thing.
    The world seems to run just fine without my little opinion.
    I can sit back and watch and learn, I don’t have to be all up in everything alla tha time!
    *sigh of relief*

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 6:55pm

  312. 312: Butterfly wingsNo Gravatar says:

    My daughters have always come first and always will. In saying that though, my ex and I agreed that if we disagreed with the other’s parenting style, then we would discuss it out of earshot but would support the other as much as possible.

    This worked great for several years until our marriage started to break down and we stopped agreeing on many things. In the end I felt that he was having a go at her for everything (and much was unjustified).

    It was a contributing factor to me leaving him because she did not deserve that and as her mother it was my job to protect her.

    SA has done nothing wrong as I can see, so I’m not sure M has been totally honest to her or even himself about his step back.

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 6:59pm

  313. 313: LuzydelNo Gravatar says:

    SA You cannot make people feel anything (even children) the kid has his own issues, do not lean forward with him either, don’t do anything… don’t tell dad anything because people are defensive about their kids (we all think our children are great).

    Go slowly, and study the situation, if he is not agreeing with you that is a sign that you both have different parenting skills. Perhaps all M is hearing “you’re not doing a good job” even though that is not what you mean. You may be trying to control even if you think this is good for the relationship… Just a thought.

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 7:01pm

  314. 314: AnnieNo Gravatar says:

    Siren Angel

    “The mother ‘uses’ the kids by manipulating them in thinking in certain way, which she has done to her 2 older kids (21 and 190 who no longer talk to their dad (another dad).”

    Are those your thoughts?
    Or his words?

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 7:03pm

  315. 315: UliiNo Gravatar says:

    @ Turquoise 296

    Hi Turquoise! I feel all warm & welcomed reading you are glad to see me here! :)
    Thanks for the response & the hugs too! :) (((Turquoise)))

    I think giving it all time&space would be the wise thing to do.
    Actually I do have my period these days and I am overall more sensitive to all, so maybe I got to this point of “I can’t take it anymore” a bit influenced by my hormones.
    I will be away from internet few days starting tomorrow. So probably I´m not doing anything yet. Maybe only composing a e-mail with how I feel to send later on, if I still feel like it.

    But I do think it´s unlikely the situation would change any time soon. And it is hurtful he is not choosing me, but expects me to be his cool & relaxed friend always in a good mood to cheer him up and listen to his random chat as well as problems with gf and occasionally that he misses me and wants to be with me (and no action follows).
    It might take a long time before I would feel not affected by it.

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 7:07pm

  316. 316: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Siren Angel I am sure given the situation you would instinctively be blamey and defensive too. It is reflexive parenting instincts. We don’t even think about it. Plus he is a man, he will protect what is his. They are his blood.

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 7:10pm

  317. 317: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:


    I see your point and I was very triggered by the ‘promise’ ring. It raised a lot of uncertainty for me actually, as it felt like it was pushing the real ring further away in time.

    Yes, I did get the impression at some point that he might have felt I was ‘making him wrong’ but, like any parent, I want to protect my kid (and his) from harm.

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 7:11pm

  318. 318: ReceivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    @308 Ulii

    I think someone else said this too, but maybe just sit on it for a few days and see what transpires. I have 2 friends who went through this and he never left the gf even though he is miserable. He’s chicken and scared of her. It’s sad really.

    I’m not sure things are for the better with Mr. Observant’s divorce. I mean, a week ago she was trying to keep him from seeing his kids and only under her terms and in her presence. Now, all of a sudden, she’s being nicer and he is getting the kids overnight this weekend. Something really smells fishy to me. I’m not sure if I should express my distrust of this to Mr. Observant though. He’s so excited to get his kids and I don’t want to rain on his parade. I don’t trust her at all. Is this a divorce tactic or something to get him to lower his guard? I don’t know.

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 7:11pm

  319. 319: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Ulii… it may not change, and you can lean waaaayyyy back and not listen to him whine, but I feel better when I take some time and feel less emotionally charged, in making decisions to end something with someone. It’s amazing how that is changing in me, because I LOVED my closure. It was usually pretty instant, and then I often really regretted it.

    I’m not saying give it some time for him, just give it some time for you. Things may feel different or clearer in a few days. You still may choose to end things and walk away, and that is definitely ok, but maybe not. So why rush it?

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 7:14pm

  320. 320: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:

    On another note, M just called. The call did not feel rushed, like it had in the past, while I was almost waiting for no call or text back (waiting for the other shoe to drop) which makes me realize we are not as far off apart as we were last January when I went through so much pain of days without contact.

    He was warm and I delivered a lot of FMs. He asked what I did today instead of just calling to say goodnight. I do feel hopeful.

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 7:14pm

  321. 321: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    and thank you for the hugs :)

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 7:15pm

  322. 322: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:


    Your comment about the kids fearing rejection really struck a cord with me. M’s kids had told their dad the day before breakup that ‘she only cares about her own child’

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 7:15pm

  323. 323: Butterfly wingsNo Gravatar says:

    313 I agree with what luzydel says about you having different parenting skills SA.

    With that in mind, I honestly don’t see things improving until you can at least agree on a middle ground with parenting, otherwise these conflicts will continue to happen.

    What do you think?

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 7:20pm

  324. 324: LuzydelNo Gravatar says:

    SA if this was me, I would keep the kids away until there is a real commitment, in the mean time will go slowly trying to discover if he is the right man for me; start slow with the kids also, meet outside in public places, I would not stay alone with his kids if he is not present.
    I would date myself and innocently flirt with other men and I would not tell him about the guy who said I had nice eyes. If I see his kids misbehaving I would lean back, if he ask why I leaned back, I would say I felt uncomfortable when so and so happened and I decided to stay away from it… I’ll Let him decide how to raise his kids, I would need to know who he really is to make a decision if he is right for me, and that is possible only when I don’t do anything and don’t suggest or try to control… That would give me the freedom to choose also.

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 7:24pm

  325. 325: UliiNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you Receiving Girl & Turquoise

    I will give this some space & time and not contact him these days I´ll be out of town & internet (from tomorrow to monday probably). Although feeling a bit worried he´s thinking then I have done it already.
    But ok…I can not control what he will be feeling or thinking.

    RG, I must have misunderstood reading your earlier post on the blog (as it´s after 4 am here where i am and I´m a bit dizzy of the computer..:) ) it seemed to me his ex is taking a better attitude. But of course, it might be not wize to trust her completely and let down your guard. But I wouldn’t do the warning him about her either.

    Ok…now I will be off to have some sleep.

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 7:27pm

  326. 326: UliiNo Gravatar says:

    And I feel like sending a special hug to you Sirel Angel!

    I have no kids or experience with divorce issues, but I imagine it must be hard.

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 7:31pm

  327. 327: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:

    Luzydel and BW,

    Yes I realize I need to lean back and let him control his own kids, yet keep an eye on what is best for me and my kiddie.

    BW, I do see the need for some agreement about issues and how we handle the situation or intervene. Otherwise, yes these things may happen again and I don’t want that.

    I like what you said about having the freedom to choose also, with no kid intervention and a lean back mode and innocently Cding.

    I do hope things will evolve enough that we can be with the kids again. I see this time as a chance to really explore if M and I can work out without the stress of the kids too.

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 7:37pm

  328. 328: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:

    Ulii, Thank you :-)

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 7:38pm

  329. 329: AnnieNo Gravatar says:

    I do feel confused about this thread.
    I know it’s not about us changing them.
    It was my belief it was about us expressing our feelings and deciding if something was a deal breaker, speaking our truth and see if they are inspired to want to change themselves.

    What I feel confused about is this thread is appears to be tit for tat and that this wasn’t really a deal breaker for the man.
    This man was obviously addicted to sugar.

    What do others think?

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 7:39pm

  330. 330: AnnieNo Gravatar says:

    322: Siren Angel says:


    Your comment about the kids fearing rejection really struck a cord with me. M’s kids had told their dad the day before breakup that ‘she only cares about her own child’”

    It is human nature to be more protective of someone who shares are DNA. So it makes complete sense that if push came to shove you would put your child first and he would his child first.
    It would just be instinctive.

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 7:44pm

  331. 331: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    He called:) His problems were annoying but much more manageable compared to what she did a couple of months ago.

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 7:45pm

  332. 332: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:

    Turquoise @306,

    Lol! that is a very factual FM bu generally conveys the feeling situation of it all!

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 7:45pm

  333. 333: AnnieNo Gravatar says:


    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 7:45pm

  334. 334: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Memulo what did he say about you?

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 7:46pm

  335. 335: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    Yay SA, pick a better hotel next time:)

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 7:48pm

  336. 336: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:

    Annie and FW,

    Yes, M and I are just being protective of our kids and I feel sad to know and see how we almost gave it all up for that. But there are things that need to be agreed on and tweaked for the benefit of all. Kids do make the situation much more complicated. I always thought it would be easier to be with his own kids but I hadnt see the danger signs. Now I do.

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 7:48pm

  337. 337: Butterfly wingsNo Gravatar says:

    Bahahahaha!!!! TH changed his profile pic. Without my prompting. I feel good that he did that without responding angrily or defensively towards me.

    I made it totally about me and after he thought about it, he took it down without me asking him to. Yay TH!

    He’s emailed me today, insisting that I go to the gym with him tonight too. Oh and in front of MW (married woman he had an affair with some time ago) he said “So, we going to gym tonight?” even though I’d already told him I would go.

    I feel amazed at how calm and happy I feel right now. Expressing my feelings then just dropping it, letting it go and leaning back has worked wonders! :)

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 7:48pm

  338. 338: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    I just saw this on FB

    You alone are enough. You have nothing to prove to anybody.

    Maya Angelou

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 7:51pm

  339. 339: MemuloNo Gravatar says:


    I did not talk about the weekend to him. He sounded so sweet and sincere and he had a real problem that he wanted to share, and a very challenging day tomorrow. So we talked about it first. Then I had a terrible day at work with office politics and asked for his advice. He gave me a very good advice and sounded really caring and involved and then the child woke up and he couldn’t talk anymore. I will have to talk about my relationship concerns when I see him I guess.

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 7:53pm

  340. 340: LuzydelNo Gravatar says:

    SA I feel these kids are not ready for you yet; I know it feels sad, but seems they are not ready for this kind of commitment. That doesn’t mean they wont be in the future, but right now they are not ready for a relationship with a new mom; they are healing… You don’t need to drop M entirely, just relax and CD either literally or just CD yourself and flirt (your choice); sometimes we want something so bad that we forget to read the small print… let it be.

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 7:56pm

  341. 341: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:

    Ulii @289,

    I agree with the other Sirens. Don’t do anything in reaction on the moment. You may very well regret later having acted on impulses. Try to feel those feelings so you can express them to him. If he is a good man and truly was honest about the gf situation, you will know soon enough. And don’t blame yourself for your actions in getting together with him, this can only cause you more harm.

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 7:57pm

  342. 342: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:

    Luzydel @340,

    Right now anyway I am not seeing the kids anymore as M has decided that. I do feel afraid that when they are finally ‘ready’, M may decide to try with someone new and I will be the one to have gone through the adjustment period with them to the detriment of the relationship. That thought makes me feel scared.

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 8:00pm

  343. 343: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:

    BW @337,

    Oh! that’s funny! You have come a long way BW!
    I wish I could feel as confident as you right now… I need to get my vibe to that place.

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 8:03pm

  344. 344: LoveAlwaysNo Gravatar says:

    i am in love

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 8:05pm

  345. 345: LoveAlwaysNo Gravatar says:

    no. i didn’t tell him.

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 8:07pm

  346. 346: LuzydelNo Gravatar says:

    342: Siren Angel

    Either way you will be fine! M is not the only man on earth. He would be stupid if he let you go, especially when you are not only willing to give your love to him, but to his children; not everyone is willing to do that for someone else children. Remember you are the price :)

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 8:07pm

  347. 347: LoveAlwaysNo Gravatar says:

    i just felt it and enjoyed the new feeling

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 8:08pm

  348. 348: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    Oh LoveAlways!! Feeling so happy for you!

    Sure he will tell you soon;)

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 8:10pm

  349. 349: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:

    Turquoise @277,

    “There are a lot of things you can do and expose your child to, to broaden his horizons. He could join a sport and make friends with new team mates, take music lessons or art classes and meet new children there. He could join scouts and learn to camp and be outdoorsy. But you have more children right? Having siblings should help with that, no matter what. You cold invite some of his friends over once a month for a sleepover, where kids play and act silly and have fun. ”

    I already do a lot of these things for my kiddie. He takes soccer and is in a Lego club there are also swimming lessons and now there will be piano lessons. I bring him hiking and buy several books for him a week (he devours them). We have play dates although these have turned more into hanging out with M’s kids. He does to day camp in the summer and I choose special programs although a little pricier (science, magic, ect) because his interests are so large.

    But the truth be told, he is extremely attached to M and to M’s kids after 1,5 years of seeing them several times a week and sleepovers every second weekend with them. It is already a family setting.

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 8:12pm

  350. 350: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:

    Awww.. Luzydel, thank you :-)

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 8:14pm

  351. 351: LuzydelNo Gravatar says:

    I haven’t even spoke about DW even when he has been contacting me… I told him Sunday that I felt it was bad timing for us; he had to get a part time job plus his regular job and he has his son on weekends… I told him that I am not going to ask him for time, but that perhaps this is bad timing and that we should just let go… Tuesday I got a text saying “No, I am not going anywhere, you’re mine. You belong to me” I did not respond … I am still debating if this has possibilities or if it is just the same old “rubber man” behavior…

    Texting me does not equate anything; he has to be present or it is just words…

    Again we want something so bad, that we forget to read the small print… Being alone gives me the space to let the right man find me…

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 8:19pm

  352. 352: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:

    BW @270,

    I believe M was so triggered that I don’t know w sohat his reaction would have been should I have been the one to end things. In any case, he says he suffered a lot while we were apart and hopefully we can work this out now knowing there was pain when not together.

    I do appreciate all your input and your parenting does seem very similar to mine and that makes me feel good because, frankly, I have been second guessing myself and have felt so blamed. So THANK YOU BW!

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 8:20pm

  353. 353: LoveAlwaysNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Memulo:

    I see it in his eyes when we gaze at each other . . . I’m in no rush to hear it :)

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 8:26pm

  354. 354: MemuloNo Gravatar says:


    He says he doesn’t want to hurt people, but he does hurt you. I agree that leaning back and giving yourself some space can help you feel what you really want to do and to invite in your life. Even if it’s nothing:)

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 8:32pm

  355. 355: Butterfly wingsNo Gravatar says:

    SA, I believe you can more often than not identify a person’s parenting style by looking at their children.

    Your sons come across to me as great kids who know their limits and boundaries. I honestly don’t think you have done ANYTHING wrong at all, so there is no need to doubt yourself at all in that regard.

    My ex’s gf has a beautiful little girl and I knew as soon as I met this little girl that she has a very good and loving mother.

    I was right – and she showers my daughter with love and affection too, and that just warms my heart.

    You’re a great mother SA, so don’t you let anyone tell you otherwise!

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 8:33pm

  356. 356: MemuloNo Gravatar says:


    It sounded from your prior posts that he already told you so.. from his actions:)

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 8:33pm

  357. 357: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Good night sirens,

    I feel so sleepy. Going to bed thinking about where I want to be in 3-6 months. No long distance plans for me. :)

    I do have a question… for all you single ladies out there…. how many of you have a special friend or an ex that you see when you have, ahem… an urge? I feel frustrated by the lack of sex in my life. I’m 38, not getting any younger, and feels terrible to me when I think of what I’m missing, just because I don’t have a serious boyfriend.

    C and I went down that road too many times. Makes it more complicated than it’s worth.

    Mr. C and I are being just friends, so don’t want to complicate that.

    But, when I saw Tom in July, I didn’t sleep with him, but wasn’t for lack of him trying. I did let him kiss me, and it felt wonderful. I just relaxed and enjoyed the attention. I’m considering reaching out to him, to see him again. The sex was pretty good, the kissing is great, and I’m not emotionally attached to him anymore, so feel I could just enjoy what it would be, casual sex, and go on with my life as usual.

    What do you think? I have wants and needs, and desires, and it clouds my brain sometimes.

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 9:10pm

  358. 358: LuzydelNo Gravatar says:

    357: Turquoise

    I tried that with DW; I had that urge and hey he is good at it so why not…it gets complicated. Now he is either pretending or really wants more, and I am feeling confused. what if he is serious? what if I miss on someone else by hanging on him? He thinks he owns me now, and he is saying he is not going anywhere…

    If it is just casual you want, do it once and then don’t see him again, because it gets confusing.

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 9:26pm

  359. 359: TereanaNo Gravatar says:

    @Goddess Lily (#3) “Is it ok to put exes into rotation for circular dating?”

    I for sure hope so! I’ve just done it twice in one week : )

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 9:58pm

  360. 360: TereanaNo Gravatar says:

    Here’s a repost from the last thread:

    Sooooo. Just had a “talk” with tbf. Definitely we are not moving too fast. We still both want to keep watching to see how it goes. And he’s not moving too fast for me, physically, either.

    And that’s good because….ugh. I’m embarrassed to admit it, and I don’t know why – I’ve mentioned it before – but I don’t really like the way he kisses me. I can’t explain it. Some guys just gross me out with their kissing. I feel afraid of his tongue, for some reason. There’s nothing wrong with it. It just feels gross and slimy. And not turning me on. It’s distracting.

    And that, combined with how I know vman turns me on, and the sexy dream I had of him (plus fantasies – !)…I feel like one confused siren.

    I wish that I could have all the directed, committed talk of tbf combined with the red-hot chemistry I find with vman. darnit. Can’t I just mash them together and make my one perfect man-partner? lol

    I have not let tbf go just yet, because he is so obviously a good man, and he has done so many great things. He really sees me and values me. And that’s great. but on the other hand, if the attraction isn’t there, then it isn’t working. If I’m this squeamish about his kissing then sex is going to be not that pleasant for me. *sigh* I’m too tired to really do anything or think about it right now.

    I don’t want to be single. But I don’t want to be that girl who stays in a relationship just to not be single anymore, either. Maybe there is a third option. Don’t know what it is yet, but maybe it’s there.

    It reminds me of the caterpillars in the Labyrinth who tell the girl to just keep walking forward when all she can see is a wall. So she does, and then she discovers that it is an illusion, and actually she could walk right through and find the path.

    I hope that’s what this is like. I feel like even though I see a wall in front of me, and it doesn’t look like the right way to go, maybe if I just keep walking, going forward, it will change my perspective, and then I’ll see the way….ahh, that feels good. :-)

    Okay, good night, Sirens! zzzz

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 10:02pm

  361. 361: Butterfly wingsNo Gravatar says:

    TH just walked up to my desk and handed me some yogurt and fresh fruit to eat for afternoon tea. Nice! :)

    Last night I felt turned off by what he’d done and I felt an emotional shift away from him – like he had suddenly become less valuable to me.

    And now he’s making amends it seems, by changing that profile pic and giving me food.

    What I didn’t do this time like I used to do, was make a big deal about it and let him have it.

    Instead I expressed my feelings, also stating that while I initially felt angry, we weren’t in a relationship so he was free to do what he wants, even though it turned me off.

    This time I didn’t make him wrong like I would have before.


    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 10:47pm

  362. 362: Goddess LilyNo Gravatar says:

    357 and 358: Turquoise,

    I’m thinking about doing that now (RE: 230) with my ex from work. We just have amazing chemistry and friendship but I’m scared it would get complicated like Luzydel said. And yet that’s all I can think about since we put the possibility of sex on the table today.

    If you can do that without getting emotionally involved (sounds like maybe you can), I say do it….do it big! :-)

    Otherwise, try Luzydel’s suggestion of a one time fix.

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 10:54pm

  363. 363: TamNo Gravatar says:

    I am not happy..I am falling off my horse and can’t believe it after having such a resolve yesterday.
    My subconscious is sabotaging me, this is the 3rd night in a row I dream of MrP..and while the others were fairly innocent, tonight I dreamt that his ex girlfriend posted on facebook (silly facebook), a photo of him, saying ‘this is the best man on the planet’.
    I know it’s hilarious, isn’t it??? It would be funny if it hadn’t actually disturbed my sleep!!!
    And, thing is, I never remember my dreams usually, so it’s even more disturbing as I have not been sleepin well. I can’t believe my subconscience is sabotaging me and making me fall off the horse this morning…so I actually admit stalking a common friend whom he always posts on her wall and I saw he had again – but not answered me email yet.
    What was I doing????
    Must get back on the horse.

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 11:49pm

  364. 364: TamNo Gravatar says:

    360 Tereana, perhaps stay open. The kissing is a major thing for me too, and there are some men that I can’t even kiss because somehow the chemicals are WAY off. However, perhaps he can learn to kiss better with time? (less tongue maybe in this case..lol)
    I know it sounds weird but it’s happened to me, where it did change and got better…not all is lost!

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 11:53pm

  365. 365: TamNo Gravatar says:

    357 – Turqouise – I also miss sex, and don’t have a special friend..maybe I would, but then again I found it didn’t give me as much in the long run and I need to now love someone to have sex with them..at leats a little 😉
    But yep, it’s annoying….I am worried I’ll be an old spinster at this rate…I would love a sex life :(
    well, within a relationship.

    Wednesday, 12 September 2012 @ 11:55pm

  366. 366: SirenityNo Gravatar says:

    “we want something so bad, that we forget to read the small print… Being alone gives me the space to let the right man find me…”

    Luzydel this is totally profound…read the small print ..yes i get that !!

    And being alone so the right man can find you ?
    Yes , maybe. Not exactly alone, just not encumbered by a man who isnt offering what you want!

    You might be surrounded by good men all jostling to get your attention, but only when you step away from an empty handed man who wants to own you..

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 12:34am

  367. 367: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Brandylion – its not about You that a couple of men aren’t able to meet you… theres a river of men they come and go… and at first we kinda start with men who can’t step up, cuz in a way its more comfortable for us energetically if we’re not used to receiving love and lots of attention…

    then as we keep practicing the tools, and improving both our opennes and our boundaries… men drop off and a new batch, usually with improved men, shows up

    what you mentioned happening is totally common! keep on practicing and focus on the tools You used, and the feelings yuou had, and get thrilled everytime you took a babystep to use a new tool or a tool in a diff way… forget about the guys and whether they’re stepping up, just notice when/if they do

    thats how it works as therapy and to have fast healing results

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 1:16am

  368. 368: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Not a happy bunny. I don’t want to wake up feeling weird again. 3 mornings in a row is enough dreaming.
    Tonight I will make an effort to think about something specific before falling asleep, I need to relax my subconscious now. I do hope this is possible.

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 1:38am

  369. 369: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Overwhelming sense of urgency today.
    Feeling like throwing the man-baby out with the bathwater. Urgh.
    I want to tell him that I feel scared, and the reason I won’t let him pick me up from the airport is because I am scared. Urgh.
    I feel scared to get attached, I want to push it away.
    So now what? I am going to spend 2 weeks now fretting.
    My sense of urgency wants to be done with it, wants to set the lines, set the boundaries. Now, before I even come out there.
    My sense of urgency wants to protect my heart.
    I can let it pass…but I so so want to get it out and tell him that I am scared.
    Everytime this happens I go and write some email to CD’s, get busy with work – nothing is working today.
    Do something nice for me, make tea…calm down.
    Pushing it all away is not going to help.
    I feel like I need to ‘warn’ before I even get there. ‘don’t mess with me’. ‘don’t lead me on and then drop me’. ‘I don’t want…
    Ok, calm down.

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 1:56am

  370. 370: TamNo Gravatar says:

    I am going to the pharmacist to see if they have something herbally I can take to calm myself down also because I have some dentist appointments coming up. I can’t deal with this anymore….herbs, help me.

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 2:13am

  371. 371: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    Eeek! TH emailed me asking when I was finishing work today and I told him the time and then asked why. I knew why. He obviously wanted to go home with me.

    He knew I was taking my daughter shopping though, and he also knew I was originally going to meet him at the gym afterwards.

    So on our way home he said he had to be home by 7.30 and I told him I wouldn’t be finished shopping by then. He kept insisting I go shopping another day and I told him that I had promised my daughter I would take her tonight, so I was taking her tonight.

    I probably shouldn’t have, but I offered to drive him home beforehand so he could be home well before 7.30 but he declined, saying he’d catch the train back to his house.

    He then said not to worry about meeting him at the gym later. I replied with “Ok, that’s fine. I’ll work out at home instead”. I really didn’t care either way…

    When we got off the train he seemed angry and didn’t even say goodbye. Meh. I wasn’t bothered. He was obviously in a cranky mood about something but I had NO idea what!

    So I’m out shopping with my daughter and I received a text saying he was sick of this sh*t and we needed to talk. What sh*t? lol

    So he’s been stewing over something and I have no idea what, apart from the fact that my attitude isn’t one of “OMG I don’t want to lose you!” anymore!

    So tonight he will probably grumble about that attitude, but in the most girly way possible I will remind him that HE is the one who wanted to take a step back, and as a result I’ve had to look after me and my feelings in the best way I know how, and that’s by focusing on what makes me feel good.

    And if he doesn’t like it, then that’s up to him. He is free to leave my life anytime he pleases… I’m not really bothered either way right now.. :)

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 2:50am

  372. 372: SirenityNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you Dominique for your comments about herbal medicines and kidney breathing a couple of posts ago. I do appreciate that.
    I do lots of yoga and various breathing techniques but not tat one , so will be trying it.

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 2:50am

  373. 373: TamNo Gravatar says:

    BW….that’s a great position to be in….I am wondering what he is going to say..hehe

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 2:58am

  374. 374: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    Tam, I think he’s going to express his frustration with me, and will probably act like any guy who has a woman who has suddenly shifted her focus away from him and on to her. :)

    The fact that he wants to talk (and he’s thinking of fun times also, going by his last text!), is a sign that he may want to change our “status” but not sure, and I’m not holding any expectations or hope on that front.

    I really need to stick with my boundaries and make sure that while he is not in a relationship with me, then I will also do whatever I want and I don’t have to run anything by him at all. :)

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 3:21am

  375. 375: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    Update : Very busy and overwhelmed.
    I still haven’t heard from Cuddleygrinch.
    But he post on his FB today.
    I feel confused…and I feel like I did something wrong…I feel a little angry and sad too.
    WTF is wrong with him?
    Is he trying to show me he is no longer interested?

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 3:28am

  376. 376: TamNo Gravatar says:

    I am freaking out ladies, I am having as lie down over lunch and listening to Abraham.
    My head is going crazy and I want to push it all away and that is not a solution. I just saw so many things that scare me, I think because he is pursuing me now…and I just want to run actually.
    And I feel uneasy because I won’t hear from him for 2 weeks now and then he’ll pounce most likely.
    I realise he lost out on 6 months earnings on his condo presumably because I ‘might’ spend the odd weekend down there again and all sorts of other stuff that I have tried to blank out of my mind.
    I worry because I know he acts from a safe point ‘I am going to move away so don’t expect anything’.
    I want to tell him how I feel about that before I see him but I don’t know if this is a good idea. It might push him away, but then….maybe that would be a good thing.
    I need a break from thinking…focus on me, on me, on me.
    Thanks for listening.

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 3:33am

  377. 377: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    #29 -Tam – wow really? Gosh what is with this AWOL behaviour!

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 3:34am

  378. 378: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Heart – you’ll hear from him alright….mark my words

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 3:35am

  379. 379: forest sirenNo Gravatar says:

    Oh tam! Breathe! It’s all going to be fine. Baby steps.

    You are doing a great job of taking care of yourself so far and I so think you did the right thing telling him you don’t feel good thinking about him leaving.

    Now that he is pursuing you you don’t have to do anything. Lean back and respond when he contacts you. And you get to say I don’t want to anything you don’t want. You can take care of yourself. You have boundaries now!

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 3:46am

  380. 380: forest sirenNo Gravatar says:

    Heart he will call you when he wants to.

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 3:47am

  381. 381: forest sirenNo Gravatar says:

    Also to get out of your head tam what do you do? Sometimes listening to stuff is good but it’s more data more info more thoughts. What are you feeling? How can you get more in tune with your body? Yoga? Breathing?

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 3:49am

  382. 382: forest sirenNo Gravatar says:

    So I’m wondering g more about what Daria said about usi g the tools. I guess it’s like a 12 step program in some ways lol! We’ve got to be willing or desperate enough to take suggestions and follow some rules.

    So as I don’t have any of the programs I’m just going by the ebook and what I’ve learned here on the blog.

    I’ve had great success with the lean back tool. What are the other ones. The rr stance. Daria when I meditate I try to meditate with open palms in receiving mode. Very hard to do walking but I’ll try it.

    Ruth I thought it was fascinating what you said about listening to your patients in an open hearted position.

    Other tools? Using the word feel at every opportunity. It felt weird at first but I’m getting more used to it.

    Dropping into my feelings instead of being in my head.

    BW your attitude is an inspiration. I can literally feel from your words how much freedom you are giving him., and he is getting angry! Rori says anger is good right!

    I have a feeling I’m going to be using the we are not in a relationship speech soon so you don’t have access to my time anymore. I’ve always been afraid to say those words but you have inspired me to.

    I’m also understanding now that when I’m focused on one man I literally can’t see other men. Now I’m seeing there are other men out there.

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 4:05am

  383. 383: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    #376 – Tam -Take a hot bath if you can? It’s ok to progress and regress and progress and regress…Don’t beat yourself upfor being a wave. This situation is coming to a head and you’re scared. It’s ok. How long will u be in FL?

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 4:07am

  384. 384: ViNo Gravatar says:

    Please skip this venting because I think it’s ‘ugly’ and I do need to let it out ….

    Doing Feldenkreis I came to knowing that I hate people incl. myself and it feels okay to have a man who used to express his love to me and care about me not the way I like and my benefit is I don’t have to care much about him either and I actually don’t want to. And I feel absolutely stupid writing this. And I feel ashamed and scared. And I feel hollow. And huge walls surrounding me. And there is a thought ‘how did I happen not to kill anyone by this time ..? How can mother earth tolerate me?… ‘ And I am really really blessed with the life I have and it was so so kind to me … The life has always been so kind to me and I .. I … I feel teary. And I feel not worthy …. (maybe that’s why I feel unworthy most of the time…. but this is being in the head) … I feel sad ashamed and scared. And I also feel curious what’s next there for me.. okay I love my journey I love my hate I love my feeling of hollowness I love my walls I love my feeling lost, and love my fear I love my tears I love my sadness I love my shame. I love myself…. I feel like I am a monster. And my favourite cartoon is Monsters Inc.. And I used a pic of Mike as an avatar for a long time… ‘we scare because we care ‘ .. hehe .. it’s about my fears, my caring fears ((((fears)))) Am I scared of people? .. mmm.. most probably .. but I don’t ‘feel’ it yet.. I feel I am in my head ‘figuring it out’ …. I’ll stick to my feeling of hollowness … I want to honor it … my teeth clenched.. ((((((((hollowness))))) thank you.

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 4:11am

  385. 385: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you forest siren and heart. I have just listened to music and listened to myself. And I realise that I have toyed so many years with failure, not just relationships but generally I had a few bad years…and now the thought of my wildest dreams coming true scares me more than the thought of them not coming true.
    That’s all it is. What would I have to focus on in case everything turned out well for a change?
    I guess deep down I am scared of everything going well as it’s been soooo long :(
    I am frightened out of my mind. And thank Goodness for this blog and all of you, so I don’t spew it on anyone else.

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 4:11am

  386. 386: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Heart – I am going to be there 3-6 months, possibly permanently if I can work it out but that’s unlikely right now…it’s all part of the big story…the scary bits. I’d still be there now if I hadn’t ditched my bf….but that was ok, we were not well matched and MrP appeare on the scene…it was a bit of a mess. Hence I am even more wary.
    I see big letters ‘FEAR’
    That’s why I want to tell him “i feel scared and not sure I can see you”
    It was a bit of drama.

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 4:19am

  387. 387: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    it would feel sooo good to have some energetic support right now!

    thank you! yum!!!

    and yes if you’re reading this, even if I don’t know you, and we’ve never directly communicated, it would feel awesome to receive your energetic support! really, I give permission to anyone who wants to … it would feel great and lovely to receive it!

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 4:45am

  388. 388: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Vi – i didn’t want to skip it.. that ‘uglyness’ felt beautiful and healing… thank you for sharing it

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 4:47am

  389. 389: Goddess LilyNo Gravatar says:

    I support you Daria….with all the energy I have this morning!! You are a wealth of support and encouragement to others. Feel my positive energy coming towards you! :-)

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 4:50am

  390. 390: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    ((((forest siren))))

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 4:50am

  391. 391: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Goddess Lily – i feel it and my heart feels all open and im giggglin really loudly and happilyyyyy

    heyyyyyyyyyyy thank you!!!!!


    that feels so yummmyieeeee

    it would feel great to have some of 2nd chakra support


    oh i feel a release and its already healing there




    thank you !!!!!! for saying those wonderful feeling things about me toooo :)

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 4:52am

  392. 392: Goddess LilyNo Gravatar says:

    Vi, I also didn’t skip your post. It was like a big red button that says “do not push.”

    You are FREE to express yourself here and feel your feelings. It’s good that you were open to them and not hiding from yourself.

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 4:54am

  393. 393: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i had this belief that ‘i have to do it all myself, or else i willl get dependent and addicted on support from outside and not heal’

    and i was in a great space today and realizeed… ummm thats NOT TRUE!!!!

    helping myself does help to Attract help yes,

    but asking for help and saying it would feel great to have it is AWESOME and a GREAT way to help myself

    oh healing healing

    Daria is healing mucho muchissimo

    que linda la vida :))) !!!!!

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 4:54am

  394. 394: forest sirenNo Gravatar says:

    Laughing goddess i am thinking of you and your visit to your mans family. Oh how thrilled they must be with you (((family))) xo

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 5:01am

  395. 395: forest sirenNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you for the hug Daria!

    I am focusing on you now and doing distance reiki on you especially your 2ns chakra.

    I asked for a flower and smile gave me a beautiful one!

    Marianne Williamson asked online yesterday for healing for her throat and thousands sent it.

    I have so much to do around asking for what I want and not being polite and watching others get what I wanted while I was being polite and good.

    Lionman gave me a huge gift once that literally recalibrated a childhood trauma for me. It’s a gift that I enjoy everyday. ((((Lionman)))) he doesn’t even fully know the significance of what he did. Maybe I should tell him how he literally cured that wound.

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 5:06am

  396. 396: forest sirenNo Gravatar says:

    Daria for what it’s worth I’m receiving g a message for you! Feel free to disregard if not applicable. I’m being asked to ask you if you know about gem light therapy? You might find it useful. You can google it. I tried it a few months ago I liked it a lot very gentle and is very subtle and healing. Also while working on your 2 nd chakra my attention kept being drawn to your heart which feels strong and healthy. I’m not sure why but my attention was drawn there. Maybe it means you have a very strong and magnetic heart energy.

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 5:14am

  397. 397: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    Receiving Girl,

    252 – “That is just not cool. I would feel very bad about that as well. I hope you were able to get past that with them and it didn’t cause too much damage.”

    Yes, I was. But Cris is still totally closed to K and says don’t tell him a single thing about me. Totally understandable. My Mom is so forgiving and accepting. She even now says I love K, and she lit up when I let her read a handmade card he had sent me.

    There is a side to him that is very very sweet, and he has a heart of gold. It’s just that negative side makes him hard to enjoy.

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 5:20am

  398. 398: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    male female energy … feels interesting in perspective


    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 5:24am

  399. 399: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Hm. I tried to sink into my fear.
    And after, I just tried to work out rationally whay are my best interests.
    My best interests are not to keep seeing MrP and discussing his move, which is all he seems to be doing even now over emails.
    He wants to go boating to ‘talk about it’. He wants me to help him selling up and leaving.
    Is any of that in my best interests? Well, no. Yes, of course he also wants to see me, but I am really not sure if staying open and welcoming is the way to go here, I can see myself getting sucked in to just collect more pain and rejection and what for? Being able to wave him goodbye with a hankie at the airport?
    He is definitely going. So why am I doing this?
    Why am I there, and should I be there? This is not the road to my happy ever after, as far as I can see.
    I know a lot of it is fear of intimacy speaking, but really objectively looking at it is giving me the same answers.
    I am not in the mood for experimenting anymore.
    And I do want to make that clear to him.
    Because he has his win-win situation, he gets a friend, a little helper and someone with immigration experience to ask for advice. This is not who I want to be.
    Yes, I do want to make that clear to him, and I want to make it clear before meeting him, because else I will get sucked in and won’t get my opportunity to state my needs clearly, without blame and without neediness.
    And now?

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 5:26am

  400. 400: forest sirenNo Gravatar says:

    Hmmm tam that’s tough. Do you feel you could say it feels too sad to help you pack up and leave? Remember what we were saying about having nothing to lose by being really honest? When he says he is going o be here and there what does that mean? How concrete are his plans to leave?

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 5:29am

  401. 401: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    forest siren – thank you! yes my heart hehehe

    i healed some of the lower chakras and my energy is pouring up from lower chakra into my heart

    i cried witha lot of heart ache earlier – feeling better and drank some water

    my heart does feel powerful right now and healed with my crying


    i’ve been practicing that tool Rori shared about imagining my heart beating powerfully and calmly in my chest warming me the past week adn that has felt really empowering for me

    Gems have been coming to me like wow the past months, while before i kinda pushed them away or didn’t relaly feel drawn to them

    now i have a what you call it … ahhh that shiny iron ore stone that is red inside if it’s scratched, bloodstone

    i play with all the time

    as im reading this i see silver has taken great care of me thru my life

    and now i have a big purple amethyst stone that wanted to come with me from the mountains its a stone i read related to my month of birth June…

    and i have heard about and felt intrigued by Gem therapy before (i know its not just stones, but a healing with them)

    thank you for sharing that for me! I feel curious about it and wonder how it will show up for me !

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 5:30am

  402. 402: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:

    Good morning Sirens!

    Woke up in the hotel room, feeling taken care of. Yet, I got this sudden fear that he would show up at the hotel after dropping his kids to school. I know he probably doesnt have time to do that, but the thought of it actually scared me, because that would not feel good.

    Other than that, I thanked the Universe waking up this morning for M in my life and for what is ahead and I feel hopeful.

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 5:31am

  403. 403: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    forest siren – thank you for the reiki. my second chakra is Not feeling tight like it was getting here and there anymore

    i feel soothed and sleepy…


    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 5:31am

  404. 404: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    thank you all who are helping me!

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 5:34am

  405. 405: forest sirenNo Gravatar says:


    Daria you have probably seen this before the images of the heart is what I want to share its magnetic field of influence

    Also I love stones too I have a collection. The gems feel different to me I’ll be curious to see how they show up for you!

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 5:44am

  406. 406: TamNo Gravatar says:

    400 forest siren, very concrete plans but he says now he is keeping a property, so suddenly he plans to return or at least keep that option open.
    It looks more like ‘travelling’ than ‘moving’ now, but it’s for at least a year I am sure.
    The problem is it would feel good to go boating and seeing him and I love to help him, we always have a lot of fun together…but this is exactly the crux…I would be shovelling my own grave as it were…
    Happily walking into more pain, because he is definitely going, he is getting rid of all his toys and has already advertised them.
    So I don’t know what to do. I do want to tell him the truth about how I feel and I am worried that once I am back there, I will go with the flow and can’t take good care of myself. That’s why I would like to tell him before getting there..because I can take my time to word it properly and I have not seen him yet…which changes everything again. I worry the man crack issue might appear….

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 5:46am

  407. 407: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Tam, what in his words, has he offered you?

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 5:51am

  408. 408: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Even if the mancrack issue appears, you are in charge of you. You always have a choice.

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 5:52am

  409. 409: ReceivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    (((Daria))) You have my energetic support girl!! :)

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 5:55am

  410. 410: TamNo Gravatar says:

    407 FW – exactly! He has offered me help – whatever I need (whatever that means). Doing stuff together, activities etc.
    So in a word: nothing concrete. Friendship stuff.
    This is the point.
    He can’t express himself though, that’s another problem – but I am not filling in the gaps anymore.
    I feel exasperated and like I don’t want to discuss his leaving and the selling of his stuff. I want to be romanced and taken out and given a ring.
    There you have it.
    I don’t want to accept crumbs just to ‘be with him’.
    And I want to make that clear so I am not sliding into that mess without realising it.

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 5:56am

  411. 411: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Vi do you mind saying what Feldenkreis entails.

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 5:58am

  412. 412: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Tam I would only focus on what he is offering. It seems to me that you are overanalyzing and making some assumptions. If he did not offer romance you have the choice around how much time you spend with him doing activities. If you think he is trading his offers for your help with what he needs, it might be useful to have that clarified.

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 6:01am

  413. 413: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    What you focus on grows.

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 6:02am

  414. 414: SassyNo Gravatar says:

    No, I felt none of those. What I’m feeling lately is frustrated. Ugh!!! With a lot of things.
    While I understand this concept of Roris tools, and feel confident that I am changing and learning and growing, sometimes it feels as if we are giving men way too much power. I could go on and on about why I feel this way, but I’m just not up to it. I feel weary and exhausted.
    The one thing you said Turq, that really struck me (and you’ve actually said it twice) is that you want someone to be your other half. Now, I get your meaning, this is a “buzzword” or phrase, but, I feel a man/companion/SO, should be a compliment to our whole selves. I feel I need to be my total self and be ok with him or without him. He should be an “accessory” to my life,
    I don’t know if this even makes any sense, I have much work to do on myself before I can let someone back in. Anyway, I love reading your process/progress, you have come a long way, and I feel proud of you.

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 6:03am

  415. 415: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    My attitude towards men right now is very much “whatever.” I kind of feel like “eh, they’re there.” Leanback central. I don’t care.

    (except when I do care about old ones that meant something to me, or represent an ideal to me.)

    but I digress.

    Last night, Mr. Stare-Me-Down that made me feel super exposed/creeped out that would not smile or approach me was like…waiting for me last night after my class.

    and I was very much in “I don’t care, whatever” mode, which means I wasn’t all like “oh…what am I feeling? Okay, I need to lean back.”

    Sometimes I feel like “worrying” about leaning back has a lean forward-y kind of energy about it anyway.

    I digress.

    So, I didn’t care. and he was standing there so I said these magical words, “Hi, I am a butterfly. What’s your name?”

    and I swear, he lit up like a Christmas tree because I spoke to him. and all of the sudden we were walking together slowly. It felt so natural it was weird. and he said, “actually we went to this school together like seven years ago.” and turns out, we did. (it was a pretty small school, and just for one semester together.)

    soooo weird!

    I felt shocked at how nice and down to earth he was. (I swear the way he was staring at me a couple of months ago was downright creepy.)

    anyway, when we went our seperate ways (in a way that we could’ve picked back up later, but we didn’t for whatever reason) I realized that how good I felt with him felt really unfamiliar, and because it felt unfamilar, it felt scary.

    I don’t know what to make of this…

    but I’ll see him next time I have class…

    got to keep my heart open!

    feels scary, exciting, and curious!

    It seriously felt so natural and comfortable with him almost immediately…

    which makes me feel a little nervous, because I know what Rori says about that…

    …or do I?


    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 6:12am

  416. 416: TamNo Gravatar says:

    412 FW, yes. Well, I do know him quite well, so although it is analysing, what he is offering translates as dating.
    In which case if I focus only on what he is offering, I need to make a ‘no friends’ speech….I just don’t see myself doing all that stuff with him, staying open, he will make advances (it’s always the same pattern) and just as things evolve, BANG…he will still be moving away. These are all facts not analysing because it’s a patter that has been repeated ad infinitum: there is always something stopping him from committing.
    I just don’t really want to go there again.
    I do feel that if he wants to meet me and enjoy my company, things have to change. The only way of changing anything is if I state my needs clearly – and I have to be prepared to lose him completely.
    And I am in that frame of mind now, but it will be harder once I am there.
    So I should state my truth now. All that will most likely happen is that he runs – and then I have my answer and can start fresh when I am there, and start without him muddling in my life.

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 6:13am

  417. 417: TamNo Gravatar says:

    It’s becoming clearer for me. I need clarity, even if that might mean suffocating a little growing plant before it has the chance to develop a couple of leaves.

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 6:15am

  418. 418: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    I feel as though I’ve misinterpretted what leanback means. I feel so scared I don’t respond enough, for fear of leaning forward. and I do lean forward sometimes still, I know.

    This is old news to me, and everyone on here, I’m sure.

    Just processing and rehashing.

    Feels freeing.

    Feels great!

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 6:16am

  419. 419: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:


    I’m going to tell you something that’s going to save you a ton of time – especially the hours you spend dissecting a man’s behavior.

    When a man doesn’t call once you’ve connected in a deeper way, there are only three possible reasons why:

    1) He doesn’t know what to do with the connection you share because it’s not the right time for him

    2) He doesn’t know what to do with the connection you share because he’s not mature or capable of getting any closer

    3) Something was said or done that tells him that a relationship with you is not a fit for him.

    There’s absolutely nothing you can do about the first two reasons.

    No matter how amazing you are, a man who isn’t ready for a relationship won’t suddenly become ready or mature because of anything you do, say, or are.

    But screeching halt at number three, right?

    Your worst fears are confirmed: something you say or do CAN make a man turn in the opposite direction. Well, not exactly. It’s something else…


    Many women, after knowing a guy for only a short while, let themselves get wrapped up in what I call an Instant Relationship.

    This is when a woman will already be thinking ahead that she is in a relationship with a guy, that they will be spending all their weekends together, and that he won’t be dating any other women.

    And this happens when the guy hasn’t even talked about a relationship.

    Then the woman gets disappointed when it turns out he isn’t exclusive with her or isn’t making plans to see her on Friday.


    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 6:21am

  420. 420: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:


    There’s one thing that all men love and respond to, and it’s one of the most simple but powerful secrets to leaving a man wanting more. And this one thing is APPRECIATION.

    Appreciation to men is what affection and reassurance are to women.

    Men fall in love not when a woman gives and gives to them, but through the process of having a woman they enjoy giving to.

    So if you’re worried that a man will think you’re not interested in him if you don’t move things forward, here’s what you need to know: all you need to do is show a man appreciation.

    Let’s say you’ve had a great date with a man and you definitely want him to ask you out again.

    All you have to do at the end of the date is thank him and let him know you had a great time with him.

    The trick is to express genuine appreciation without any “hook” or conditions to it.

    That is the magic way that appreciation sinks into a man’s heart and lets him know a woman is special – and gets him thinking about her again right away.

    When you make your life as rich as possible, the right guy will naturally want to be a part of it. And when he does show up, simply let him know you’re glad he’s in it.

    This way, you won’t fall victim to the Instant Relationship…and you’ll create a solid foundation for a lasting, connected, REAL relationship.

    I’ll talk to you again soon, and best of luck in life and love.

    Your Friend,

    Christian Carter

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 6:24am

  421. 421: TamNo Gravatar says:

    yes, the only chance to break through the pattern of insecurity and not knowing where one stands is, in my opinion now, to say no to friends.
    If a man after 2 years can’t be clear on what he wants then the default assumption is that it’s not me he wants.
    This could drag on and on. Just so he can stay in his comfort zone, and doesn’t need to make a decision.
    It’s not the way forward even if spending time with him would be lovely. The price to pay is too high, and I paid it a few times before.

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 6:24am

  422. 422: AnnieNo Gravatar says:

    I feel curious about FB and online networking in general.
    I have mixed feelings and thoughts about it.

    I know Rori recommends not to be friends with a man on FB if we are dating them.
    And I actually defriended two men who I did date. One I keep as an acquaintance at the moment.
    The other no contact anymore.

    Now although I got to this point and I had painful moments by being friends on FB with them. I actually do feel grateful now as I found out stuff much quicker than I believe i would have found out in RL and realised I did not want to take in any father
    with either of these men because of their behavior on FB and how it made me feel.

    The one who I am still in contact with I was extremely attracted to his mind as we had some really deep conversations which I don’t get to experience much with others also I was attracted to his gentleness and kindness that he has with animals and appeared to have with me.
    However through FB discovered a side very quickly that repelled me, I feel grateful I found this out and didn’t start to get emotionally attached to this man and take it any further.
    I would have carried on dating him and who knows if it wasn’t for FB.
    He invited me to a select group like a blog.I accepted, what an eye opener, he revealed really personal stuff about his ex wife to everyone in the group that she may not have wanted to be shared using her real name. He also shared this info with some of his students who got to meet his wife and new this about her without his knowledge.
    I felt so triggered. She had been violated, he went into lots of detail and shared lots of private stuff. He painted her very badly and got lots of women feeling sorry for him , oh yes this select group was only women ‘friends’. Most joined in and ran her down which he appeared to love and felt sorry for him. Myself with a couple of others said we felt uncomfortable reading such private stuff without her knowledge. If she had chosen to share to me it would feel different. If if he had just chosen to share anything that he had done to her and was about him. But the sharing of the violating stuff in graphic detail that had happened to her felt awful and I felt like I was party to violating her all over again by listening to the revalations and others judgments of her.

    So I feel grateful that I got to know this about this man. As I feel sure that he would have been doing the same about me if I had got involved with him and shared any of my own private stuff.

    The other man I was emotionally involved with, claimed he loved me, was in love me, would love me forever, used to say things like “when we are married. flirted openly on his FB page and put stuff up that he actually knew would cause me to be upset. And called women derogatory names when their was any conflict.

    I guess my question is.
    Will chatting online reveal more about the man as in my experience men tell you much more about themselves online than in RL.
    So although it may trigger us, is it a blessing in disguise?

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 6:24am

  423. 423: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Consult him first…

    Understand Men Tip #48

    Many men find on their way home that you have
    made plans for them or their friends comment on
    their photo on Facebook and that’s when they learn
    about it for the first time.

    Men like to be consulted. This is honoring him as a
    man. Ask and invite instead of determining you get
    to make the decisions on your own. Even if he always
    says, “Yes,” he will appreciate being considered!

    Johnathan Aslay

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 6:26am

  424. 424: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    oh, Feminine Woman, I feel like all those are for me!

    I feel so good, because nothing feels like a big deal for me, as far as “one particular man” goes.

    I think it may seem like I’m making a big deal over these “one particular guys” is not because I’m really making a big deal over THEM per say, but because of the things they are teaching me, about my ideals and responses to men, both in the past and in the present.

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 6:36am

  425. 425: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    wow, I just realized that I finally feel more important than any one man in my life!

    I haven’t felt this way in forever!

    Why do I put men on pedestals?

    Maybe I don’t put the men on pedestals, so much as the lessons they teach me. I love the lessons they teach me!

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 6:37am

  426. 426: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    I wrote a long emotional note to my Dad last night online after he sent me a picture of us.

    Seeing the picture made me cry.

    I opened up to him, and told him about pretty much everything going on in my life.

    I apologized for blaming him for all that I’ve blamed him for in the past.

    I told him about the guy who I feel unworthy of, because “the guy” reminds me so much of my dad, and I feel unworthy of my dad.

    Wow, I feel so much pain in my head and the tears are flowing like crazy.

    Why is love so painful?

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 6:41am

  427. 427: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    I miss my parents! I want my Mommy! and Daddy!

    I feel immature and needy, but I also feel this…relief that I don’t think I’ve ever felt.

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 6:43am

  428. 428: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    I think I’m finally healing! It’s like this tidal wave of healing and letting go!

    It feels so unbelievably overwhelming.

    Deeply sad and deeply relief-y.

    I feel too busy for the sheer messiness of it!

    but it feels glorious!

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 6:46am

  429. 429: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    I feel like I suck at showing and feeling gratitude. At the appropriate times and the appropriate ways.

    and part of me is screaming inside right now:

    why can’t you just forgive yourself and show gratitude in your own way and in your own time, as long as you attempt to show it?


    and I feel like I’m contradicting myself, and that anybody reading all this out of boredom or curiousity or whatever is going to think I’m a total nut job.

    ouch that feels judgmental.

    I love my craziness! It feels silly, but I really do!

    I’m healing!

    I need to celebrate this, not over-analyze it!

    I want to just feel and be without thinking!

    I feel…burst-y.

    Like the universe is inside me waiting to explode out all over the place with butterflies and glitter and pretty messiness.

    It’s so messy.

    but it’s so beautiful.

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 6:53am

  430. 430: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    I feel so thankful for “the guy who broke my heart.”

    Ick, I hate that label! He is just a man. Just a man that I loved and will always love and that taught me so much.

    How can you love so many people?

    How long do you have to know someone before you love them?

    I feel like people are so judgmental of love.

    There are different levels of love!

    Different depths, different meanings, different timelines…

    just because there’s so many different kinds of love, doesn’t mean that one love is “love” and another love “isn’t love.”

    and one person can love another person one way, while another person is loving that other person in a completely different way.

    but it’s all love!

    I feel really sleepy and confused.

    need a break from the blog.

    thanks for reading my spam, if you did!

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 7:02am

  431. 431: MelNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks Butterfly Wings,

    It is not Yaz.

    I have had no side effects whatsoever… neither emotional, nor physical (except for the mild spotting this month).


    I have gone off the pill for several years, but the cramping and headaches were quite unbearable, really. The pill seems to balance out those hormones that were causing me a great deal of pain. I would prefer not to take hormones, but I haven’t really been able to find anything else that would keep me functional (my cramping gets so bad that I’m usually in tears on the floor in agony) during menstruation.

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 7:10am

  432. 432: TamNo Gravatar says:

    no friends speech being drafted… :(

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 7:21am

  433. 433: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:

    Trying to sink into my feelings about spending the night in a hotel, even if he paid for it and it was a gift, because he had his kiddies at his place last night… Argh…

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 7:23am

  434. 434: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    now that I’ve gotten all that out of my system, I feel really embarassed that I wrote all that on the blog. But you know what? it felt cathartic and good.

    Who cares!

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 7:30am

  435. 435: TamNo Gravatar says:

    434 – lama, yes, exactly, I have been all over the place here today but feeling much better, that is what counts!! (sorry everybody)

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 7:33am

  436. 436: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:

    I can only receive, fixing it is his job. Finding a solution is his job. I can only sink into my feelings, shift my vibe, feel fully and be loving, warm and have an open heart. The rest is in his hands but my palms are open.

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 7:36am

  437. 437: TamNo Gravatar says:

    I am not sure when to do the no friends speech, when he contacts me again…or now, like in the next few days. Not sure. I shouldn’t wait till I am there.

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 7:39am

  438. 438: Goddess LilyNo Gravatar says:

    I just confused a text message from my work ex into meaning he had free time today and wanted to spend time with me. Not what he was saying at all. He was telling me I should take leave and go do something since I’m bored at work.

    At least I didn’t respond until I understood. But how desperate am I if I can completely change the meaning of words?

    I guess I just want his attention. :-(

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 7:43am

  439. 439: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    @435 Tam – aw, I feel connected to you. No need to apologize! That’s what the blog is here for! (Thanks sooooo much, Rori! what a marvelous invention!) 😀

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 7:44am

  440. 440: MissStixNo Gravatar says:

    Omg Sirens!

    There is no way I can catch up on all i’ve missed! 😛

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 7:47am

  441. 441: Goddess LilyNo Gravatar says:

    Maybe I will take my exes advice and go home early. I’m starting to feel lonely and I don’t know how to sink into my feelings at work. Can’t cry here.

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 7:54am

  442. 442: TamNo Gravatar says:

    I do feel the need to clarify my position but it is hard to know the right timing, if I do it now it will most likely scare him off or he will ignore it.
    If I do it in Florida, it will be very difficult because when I see him I most likely feel the attachment.
    It is hard to know what to do.

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 7:58am

  443. 443: MissStixNo Gravatar says:

    I need to get something off my shoulders. I feel nervous…

    For about a week now I have been feeling very ill in my belly when I wake up in the morning.

    Oh, writing it like that feels wrong :( I don’t want to explain. Just want to get it out.


    Mornings. Sick sick belly. Ugh. Roiling bubbling and a few ghags. No barfing…But what would I throw up anyway? I have no appetite for hours after I wake up. Force feed. Bleck. Chew and chew but can’t swallow. Gagging right now just letting it float around my brain. Fear. Worry. Tender breasts and I just want to eat and eat at night time. Butterflies dance in my tummy right now. What if i’m pregnant? No what ifs…Just…I feel fear. No no no need to fear. I am not late. Oh he11! I don’t even know what I feel exactly. A baby is a blessing. I’m just not ready! I need 3 years at least. 5 would be nice. One more week and i’ll know…

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 8:06am

  444. 444: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:


    I am sorry, I feel confused. Is the guy you want to give the no friends speech to living in Florida and you in England? How long will you be in Florida and how did you meet him, what is the history between you two? I want to help… but I am missing some pieces as I was off the blog for a few months.

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 8:07am

  445. 445: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:


    You might be pregnant.

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 8:08am

  446. 446: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    #420 – FW – thanks. Now that I’ve read what you posted, I feel really good because I have a clearer idea the Whys. Not sure which of the three applies to me…But I just going to just fcus on myself.

    Tam – 3-6 months ….wow…longish time.

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 8:11am

  447. 447: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Siren Angel, we have known for 2 years, on-off relationship, lots of difficulties through his issues and mine and now suddenly he is pursuing me again…he is in Florida but about to move to Europe and I am in Europe about to move to Florida.
    Lots of angst-filled history, lots of feelings, I had given him the ‘no friends speech’ a few months ago, and he just kicked up a fuss and thought I was not well etc. He never gives up, hence we called him MrP (Persistent) BUT he has so far never offered a real commitment either.
    Now he wants to see me and wants me to help him selling his stuff (excuse to see me – I know, analysing here but I know him)….It’s not that I doubt he has strong feelings for me because I know that.
    It’s not enough for me though.

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 8:12am

  448. 448: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:

    ReceivingGirl @267,

    “Even if he made up the hammer story…it is still something that came from his head. That is scary in itself. I would be worried too.”

    My thoughts exactly. I have doubts it’s true, I believe probably it comes from something that he witnessed or even saw in a movie or heard about… But that he said it to me feels really scary. So he decides to push me away, to protect his heart maybe, by scaring me. How can this be healed?

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 8:13am

  449. 449: TamNo Gravatar says:

    oooh Miss Stix…. I say!

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 8:15am

  450. 450: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:


    What is it that you truly want from this man if he did step-up? You seem unsure about either that he will ever step up or your own position on even wanting this to start with.

    Yes, I believe the no-friends speech could be a good start, if you are willing to see what he will offer you then. You can always decide to accept it or not should he step up.

    I do wonder on how you see this moving forward if you are moving to different countries. Is this something that can be changed for either of you so you can date and see each other in the same country and possibly build a future together?

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 8:17am

  451. 451: TamNo Gravatar says:

    450, SA, I try not to think too far ahead…he has now changed his tune and said he wants to keep a property in Florida and insinuating that he is returning.
    If he stepped up fully – and by this I absolutely mean marriage, nothing else will do here anymore – of course I would have him, despite his difficult personality, he is a very very good man.
    The chances that he would offer any commitment let alone marriage, are about as high as h8ll freezing over…he has mentioned marriage but only in the context of me being able to stay in the US.
    That’s not what I am looking for.
    And he has told me lately that he would help me, ‘anything’ I needed…so who knows what that means but I am sick and tired of analysing and I don’t want help, I want love.

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 8:29am

  452. 452: MissStixNo Gravatar says:


    I feel tears burning my eyes. We are not extra careful…G is 34 and I am turning 29 on oct 1. We had a talk about this soon after we started dating, when I went off the pill. He asked me if I was pro-choice. I felt hot anger at first.I felt insulted. I said “I am pro-choice, but there would be no choice in my mind. It’s not an option.” When he said “good!” I just about melted into a puddle. He was not making sure he wouldn’t have a baby…He was making sure he wouldn’t conceive with someone who might make that choice. So…Here we are. We don’t use condoms. We don’t even use spermicidal lube. Nothing.

    Oi. Enough of that talk. This is not the first time I have thought I might be pregnant. Although it is the first time i’ve felt strange symptoms. The other times I was just a couple days late and it just felt more like a little waiting game.

    I have not shared my concerns with G. But he is not blind or stupid. He knows I feel sick in the morning and he sees me go for snacks immediately after dinner. This morning he must have read “ill” on my face because he suggested I make a doctors appt.

    With all the talk about kids lately…Wouldn’t that be the way it goes…urg.

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 8:30am

  453. 453: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:


    Is he willing to go back to Europe if that is a deal-breaker for you?

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 8:33am

  454. 454: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:


    Sometimes your mind can play games with your body and make you feel pregnant. First, go to the pharmacy and get a pregnancy test. Second, do it. Third, sink into what you are feeling.


    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 8:35am

  455. 455: TamNo Gravatar says:

    willing to go back to Florida you mean?
    Because that’s where I am heading…
    I have no idea.
    He hasn’t offered a commitment at all yet so that is the point…he might likely use his impending departure as an excuse not to offer one.
    And it would explain why he is so keen now, because it’s ‘safe’ for him…not sure

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 8:37am

  456. 456: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:


    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 8:41am

  457. 457: TamNo Gravatar says:

    If I trusted myself fully, I would wait till I get there and ‘see how it goes’, but after 2 years, and knowing that we get on like a house on fire and have the best time (and are attracted to each other obviously)- it will be close to impossible to stay sane there and not fall back into old patterns..

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 8:41am

  458. 458: MissStixNo Gravatar says:

    Thinking….Ok maybe i’m blowing this out of proportion. Tender breasts. This started at least a week ago. Not unusual for me. But yes, unusual to happen that long before my period. The sick feeling. When did that start? Reaching into my brain…It had to be sunday. I worked tuesday and it only started a couple days before I worked. I can’t eat much in the morning and that would explain why i’m ravenous at night. 5 days feeling ill…Is that a long stretch? I wonder if it could be something else.

    Ok i’m gonna stop now. This convincing and denial are not working. I gotta find out how soon a doctor can test for pregnancy…I don’t know if I can wait! Oof. It popped into my brain fleetingly each morning. Each time my boob got grabbed and I cried out. But today, since G said I should make an appointment, I am so hyper-focused on it. I need something to pull me back!

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 8:45am

  459. 459: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    (((Miss Stix)))

    You can get a pregnancy test at a store for about $5.

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 8:48am

  460. 460: BelleNo Gravatar says:


    Yes yes more of that please yes!
    I feel soft and cool and more fluid and melty in my chest. The words are like soft rose petals falling onto my heart.

    It’s one thing for my “mind” to understand, “time isn’t right, not ready” and another thing for my heart to finally get it.

    With C there was a sort of a flip, where apparently he was constantly fantasizing for months that we would be having all kinds of wild sex all over the office and I was like..
    what? we haven’t even had a date! we haven’t even had a conversation about STD’s, protection, circle of exposure, I don’t know if you have any other lovers, you don’t know if I do
    what the HECK???
    I like hugging and kissing you but I’m not having sex with you! (he thought we weren’t having sex because he was controlling himself so well, oh HAI, real live human being here with you with her own mind making her own choices! so sorry to butt in to your fantasy, dude..muahahaha oh was a clusterf**ck of confusion).

    Bad timing.
    Doesn’t know what to do with this connection.
    A friend of mine who is an intuitive told me, I’m not just another woman to him but he just doesn’t know how to approach me any other way than what he’s used to.

    We are practice for each other is all.


    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 8:49am

  461. 461: TamNo Gravatar says:

    I don’t know what to do for the best. I want clarity and guess I need to accept that it’s a make or break clarity.

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 9:02am

  462. 462: TamNo Gravatar says:

    I am trouble analysing my feelings because I just can’t understand whether I really want the clarity – or whether I want to push it all away (fear of intimacy), because it’s scary that he is pursuing me so much all of a sudden…hmmmm…I am not sure.

    If I want clarity that would mean I have to be prepared to commit to him also 100%. Am I?
    Could I?
    I say ‘yes’, but deep down I know it would be no picnic. I say ‘yes’ because I have a feeling it’s a safe bet as I expect him to run when I ask for clarity.
    Yes, I fully expect him to run if I say ‘no friends’, or to just ignore it.

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 9:09am

  463. 463: ruthNo Gravatar says:


    To me it feels as though you are panicking as the move to Fl getrs closer and you want to be in control of the situation and know where you stand *right* now so you cant be disappointed
    Understand that one a hundred percent but, um, is that not trying to control the outcome?

    You *know* what your boundaries are and you know what you want

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 9:13am

  464. 464: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    Tam – 370 – Rescue Remedy or Calms Forté. If I had to choose, the latter would be a more likely go to choice.

    They’re inexpensive, so try both.


    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 9:17am

  465. 465: AnnieNo Gravatar says:

    Ladies I really would like some advice on this which has just been said to me.

    In response to me saying I feel judged and attacked so feels pointless to me to engage on this topic any more with you.
    This person substitutes my words and then quotes me using their substitutions and accuses me of saying something I haven’t actually said.
    Last night they were wanting me to explain in length about something that they had misquoted and so changed the context and when I said it felt difficult for me to do this as my words were now out of context and i felt far to tired and drained they said they were irritated by my inadequate response.

    “I am judging your character on the basis that you very rarely elaborate on any points that you make on here. When asked to you often state that you “don’t feel the need to explain” yourself. The problem is that it’s not your need but OUR need to have you explain further. We need that in order to understand your point, and to give the reason “feel bored” or “feel tired” as to why you don’t want to engage in discussion can come across as very dismissive.
    It infuriates people when you are so dismissive of them. This may or may not bother you, I don’t know.”

    I feel really attacked and beaten up.
    Crikey how do I learn better how to tolerate this. I want this not to bother me I don’t want to feel attacked and beaten up. :(

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 9:17am

  466. 466: ruthNo Gravatar says:

    Be surprised?

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 9:17am

  467. 467: Goddess LilyNo Gravatar says:


    If you fully expect him to run when you set your boundaries…..let him. All of the analyzing doesn’t matter if he has one foot out the door and you already know it.

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 9:18am

  468. 468: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you Ruth and Dominique.
    Ruth yes, spot on there…I am pushing away (controlling the outcome). But, perhaps I am trying to do what might be best for me.
    I feel worried that my boundaries might collapse.
    And I feel stuck, in that I have that feeling in my gut that the stepping up process required is so great that it’s a ‘no hope’. And he is moving on top of it all.
    I feel it might be wise to control the outcome before it starts to control me…if you see what I mean.
    I am totally panicking. I am a rabbit in headlights.
    I want to run. Even if I run in front of a car, anything to get away from him. This is not normal, I know, but two years of misunderstandings and pain and second and third chances have taken their toll on me.

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 9:21am

  469. 469: MissStixNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you sirens for your comments! I am about to shower and head out to buy a First Response test. Hopefully it’s not too soon to test.

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 9:22am

  470. 470: TamNo Gravatar says:

    467, Goddess, he runs for about 5 seconds and then he comes back.

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 9:23am

  471. 471: TamNo Gravatar says:

    466 Ruth, yes, he does surprise me but right now I just feel something gut wrenching in me…like a suspense…and it’s not an excited, nice feeling. It’s a feeling of dread and impending tears…

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 9:25am

  472. 472: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Mmmm I just had a long nap. Thank you

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 9:27am

  473. 473: RadloveNo Gravatar says:


    465 – Who is this person or people? Employers? Family? All that matters as to how to respond. If it is no one you have to deal with, I would just end the relationship.

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 9:30am

  474. 474: ruthNo Gravatar says:

    Miss stix

    Reading your post makes me feel all fluttery and giddy

    (and i dont even LIKE babies)

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 9:33am

  475. 475: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Yeah, Miss Stix, I had a positive feeling also..I almost felt a bit envious of a pregnancy scare (sorry…)
    I’d secretly like one I guess..wow, and I thought I never wanted kids. Squeee!!

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 9:35am

  476. 476: ruthNo Gravatar says:

    Annie, that feels yucky to me too

    Is this person/people important to you?

    If not then no, you do not need to explain yourself further, especially if it will get taken out of context

    thats just looking after yourself, isnt it

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 9:37am

  477. 477: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Bruce Springsteen says it all today:

    ‘Now look at me
    baby, struggling to do everything right

    And then it all falls apart
    when out go the lights.
    I’m just a lonely pilgrim
    I walk this world in wealth

    I wanna know if it’s you I don’t trust
    ‘Cause I damn sure don’t trust myself’

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 9:38am

  478. 478: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Lamabutterfly – the reason I asked that is cuz It reminded me of similar situations I’ve been in where I just felt so much admiration for a man – actually guywho is one –

    Invariably it was when men were Not stepping up, and it created a vacuum space for me to feel this way putting him on a pedestal (even deserved of course)- no pressure on me.

    This looking back, at the time it felt … Practically heavenly and like a homecoming.

    Talking to this guy who was happy you talked to him – and that feeling of very comfortable … Also reminds me of something like that, the way I felt with Dman.

    It’s like my heart feels safe and it feels so lovely and comfortable.

    Well I feel sad and concern for you, cuz those DID NOT turn out to be good for me. :(

    Too sad cuz I was finally feeling at home and a relief of pressure. But it was just like Rori said, when it feels like comfortable and like instant attraction, it’s because it’s energetically similar to our relationships to past men and our dads, like a recreation of getting some love or from dad, which does feel oh so good :(

    I put myself repeatedly thru pain in those situations because of that insta-trust making it difficult to stick to boundaries since my heart felt so safe.

    I know i wouldn’t have pulled away from these instances at the time, but I did learn that indeed, it’s a WARNING SIGN, unfortunately, especially for those of us who had childhoods where we so crave our dads love and approval.

    I see that for you and I feel concern, and I’m sure through the experimenting you are doing, you will come to your own leanings … :) Plus me and the sirens are here for you.

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 9:49am

  479. 479: AnnieNo Gravatar says:

    No they are not important to me Ruth.
    I was wanting to take care of myself and rest and move away from something that felt bad.

    I don’t know what the lesson is.
    I feel unsure if it is to realize I dont want this in my life and to not go back on that forum. Or to learn how to get along with people and not antagonize them which I am obviously doing to this woman.

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 9:51am

  480. 480: AnnieNo Gravatar says:

    Ty Ruth

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 9:51am

  481. 481: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Annie I can understand your feeling blamed because of how the feedback is worded. However, the really understand what is happening I think you could share some context with us.

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 9:53am

  482. 482: MelNo Gravatar says:

    Miss Stix! I feel a little tingly-excited for you!

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 9:55am

  483. 483: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    I notice I haven’t really given a chance to ask for help here in regards to my romance. I don’t share sometimes when I start feeling invested, and I def don’t have an attitude of being open for advice. hmm.

    It may have been due to that belief I just shifted, that I had to do it all alone or else would be ‘lost at sea.’


    I wonder how I can shift this.

    I often pine for some free coaching or else EFT help and I actually have this forum here I haven’t been using.

    Sigh. Wow.

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 9:57am

  484. 484: ruthNo Gravatar says:

    I must admit Annie, I would probably walk away from the forum
    but yeah, thre might be a leson to be learned or healing to do I suppose

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 9:57am

  485. 485: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    Hi. This blog feels like a safe nest to me. I come here when lil girl feels ascared. Like right now. My responsibilities are crushing in around me, and I feel huge stuck energy over some bill-related contacts I need to make. Lil girl is saying, “Please don’t yell at me!”

    I want so much to pay them. But I can’t. I want to curl up and block it all out, but I know that only makes it worse in the long term. I gotta fax a form to my last employer as proof to my loan company that I’m not employed anymore. Why can’t they just take a form from unemployment to prove that? Duh.

    Anyway, I gotta go out to a fax machine somewhere. I gotta fax or mail the form to the company that is my part to fill out, and then to call them and let them know the form has been handled. Why should that feel so difficult? But it does. It is taking more emotional energy than what I feel.

    I want to play and block it all out by talking about happy stuff. My desk is a mess — that’s part of the problem. First I have to find the form. My cats keep knocking my papers out of the letter trays and onto the floor.

    But I washed the dishes and played Change the Room to get them done. So at least the kitchen is cleaned up and the dining room table is cleared and wiped. Good girl, lil girl.

    Now we get to play Change the Papers and Make the Calls. NO!!! Don’t wanna do it! I want to snuggle with my puppies. I want to swim in the bay. I want to do fun things.

    But lil girl, if you lose your house and get in legal trouble with unpaid bills, that won’t feel fun, right?

    No, but I feel scared.

    Baby steps. First just organize your desk, k? Can you play change the papers?

    Ok. Thanks.

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 9:58am

  486. 486: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:

    I am a Divine Goddess. Any man would jump off his boat into the wild unpredictable sea to swim to me and be with me on my Island forever and claim me as his only one.

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 10:01am

  487. 487: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Annie can you see though a validity in the point that the comments can be experienced as dismissive? Also it suggests to me that you might have made a point that you couldn’t defend when they asked followup questions so your instinct was to run or freeze. Which then translated into “I feel bored”. Don’t know if this makes sense but I would assume that they are making a valid point because it is their experience. It doesn’t mean that you are wrong.

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 10:02am

  488. 488: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:

    I am Siren Angel, the guiding loving light and safe wonderful harbor.

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 10:03am

  489. 489: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:

    Something incredible and unexpectednis about to happen to me and I will be jumping up and down in joy and calling everyone to let them know the good news and I will be writing on this blog to tell you all how it happened unexpectably and by total surprise. I will be taking pictures of my ring and changing my FB status to ‘engaged’ and living in total bliss and harmony.

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 10:06am

  490. 490: bloom-ingNo Gravatar says:

    siren angel, i feel awe-struck to read your goddess affirmations.

    i feel moved to imagine then, with compassion, how full of terror ! a man might be to feel that larger-than-life goddess “leaning toward” them…. LOL omg how scary, like trying to hold up the leaning tower lol – i would run for sure ! hahaha yum

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 10:07am

  491. 491: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:

    I am the one.
    I am a Goddess.
    I am the supreme loving light in M’s life.
    I am engaged.
    I am married.
    I am loving my life.
    I am loved.
    I am love.

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 10:08am

  492. 492: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Wow Lama I feel surprised to see some of those words ‘put on the pedestal’ abd also talking about your Dad. I hadn’t read those posts yet when I wrote … I see your experiences are triggering great healing for you ! That’s awesome! Yay I feel a bit relieved.

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 10:08am

  493. 493: bloom-ingNo Gravatar says:

    i love myself so much I just gave myself a big energetic hug & i’m running off for a little escape lol

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 10:09am

  494. 494: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:

    Are you feeling jealous or envious?

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 10:10am

  495. 495: RadloveNo Gravatar says:


    483 – I love you (and lil girl doesn’t have to be strong ALL the time!) 😉

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 10:12am

  496. 496: bloom-ingNo Gravatar says:

    ok, baby girl, really slow now, i’m going to start to live your perfect life, moment by moment, i will practice choosing that oh MMMM i just felt excited buzzing & yayyyyy hoorayyyyyyy oh yay i love that & i do do do !

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 10:13am

  497. 497: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:

    I am the one.
    I am the loving light M cannot resist.
    I am love.
    I am full and in bliss and so happy.

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 10:13am

  498. 498: MissStixNo Gravatar says:

    I have to force myself to leave the house. While in the shower my brain was trying to convince me not to go. Telling me “you are worked up over nothing. You are not pregnant. This will be a waste of time.”

    Truely…I am scared it won’t be a waste of time.

    Feeling a bit frozen right now. C’mon! Stand up, walk out the door…

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 10:14am

  499. 499: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:

    Ohhh…. I can feel it. It is happening. M is with me in thoughts, body and soul and total love and compassion and we are connected as always and forever.

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 10:15am

  500. 500: RadloveNo Gravatar says:


    479 – If your words are being twisted, then it is not YOU antogonizing them. I go back to this over and over that I learned from Rori:

    If it feels good, keep doing it.

    If it feels bad, stop doing it.

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 10:16am

  501. 501: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    (((Mel))). Acupuncture can be really powerful for this, especially with a good acupuncturist (female might be better in most cases). I think of it like artists, some are really good for me, some not as much.

    There’s def ways to see like what their yelp says if they have one, or just trying out.

    Dominique is excellent with herbs for balancing hormones.

    String cramps like that might be not enough absorbed calcium, nettle herb infusions (tea brewed overnight rather than a few min) is one herb that would bring that in. Also comfrey would soften tissues.

    Red clover infusions will definitely help for menatrual issues.

    I’d look up on those and also ask Dominique. I like that you have a way to relieve the pain for you (the BCP) even if it’s something to use till something better shows up.

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 10:17am

  502. 502: bloom-ingNo Gravatar says:

    siren angel,

    ah, um, i feel frozen in the top of my chest…. words, “but i” ummm

    no… not “envious” or “jealous”….. looking down at my shoes & thinkin about lunch…….. ummmm

    “& also” ……. just a little basket to carry my words earlier, was just imagining, not thinking specifically about “Siren Angel” in the “leaning” – just imagining a human-sized man trying to hold up a 3-ton bronze goddess as it topples forward. just the image, like it, scary, “powerful” mmm love it ! & it shows me how to be “careful” with myself….. yum feeling light & smile-y : ) thank you

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 10:17am

  503. 503: ruthNo Gravatar says:

    You can do it Radlove

    The putting stuff off resonates with me a LOT
    I am the queen of procrastination

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 10:18am

  504. 504: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Siren Angel….those are positive affirmations?

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 10:20am

  505. 505: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Ladies and gentlemen, I announce that through your kind help and spewing out my guts all over this blog today, I have resisted throwing out the manbaby with my bathwater. Yet another day.
    Yes, I can!!
    I wrote the ‘no friends’ speech and I never sent it.

    I shall not try and control the outcome until I have seen the baby with my own eyes and observed a little. Or maybe I might change my mind, not sure.
    But today, no.

    Maybe a mistake but even if I did it now, he’d be back on my case in two weeks, so if I want to do it I would better do it a day before leaving or so. It would give me some time to adjust and meet some CD’s before he gets on my case again. because he is – persistent.
    Persistent yet stubbornly uncommittal.

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 10:23am

  506. 506: ruthNo Gravatar says:


    thank fck for that

    I fel relieved!

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 10:25am

  507. 507: TamNo Gravatar says:

    506 Ruth, I was laughing now for the first time today…an f-word? And relief?
    I feel you have sided with the wrong party now! 😉

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 10:27am

  508. 508: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:

    Tam, yes.

    A lot of it is inspired from Margaret Lynch tapping.

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 10:28am

  509. 509: AnnieNo Gravatar says:

    What I am hearing is that I am being difficult in choosing not to justify why I feel like I do and that i am wrong to feel like I do and wrong for what I want,

    And should put their need for an explanation and to agree with them that my feelings and thought are wrong because I don’t agree with them. Even though I have reiterated that I respect that they do not feel the same or think the same as I do about certain topics.

    I have been told I am crazy and had loads of goading and sarky remarks. This was a fear of mine that others would think I was crazy now it isn’t. So I have healed from that.

    I just feel unsure about the issue of being called difficult because I will not do what they want.

    I feel happy to engage when the vibe feels good.
    I don’t when it feels bad and I am being judged and attacked. It feels abusive to me.
    I don’t want to be abused.

    Yayyyy I love my awkwardness and difficultness in not complying to something that feels abusive to me.

    Perhaps that is my lesson and healing.

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 10:29am

  510. 510: TamNo Gravatar says:

    508…aaah, thank you…I almost said ‘congratulations’…but I shall save it for another day then :)

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 10:29am

  511. 511: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:

    Ohhh… I love how I can express myself on this blog and feel safe from being ‘beaten down’. Rori says to not beat yourself up, so imagine what would happen if Sister Sirens started beating up on each other? Oh no, that would not feel good. I choose to support myself and my sisters.

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 10:30am

  512. 512: AnnieNo Gravatar says:

    RadloveNo Gravatar says:


    479 – If your words are being twisted, then it is not YOU antogonizing them. I go back to this over and over that I learned from Rori:

    If it feels good, keep doing it.

    If it feels bad, stop doing it. :) TY Radlove.

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 10:30am

  513. 513: ruthNo Gravatar says:

    Yes the F word

    it has been one of *those* days at work, one crisis after another(all ok tho,no-one died yet) and then I read all your stuff on here and wanted to shake you cos you have done all this fab work on yoursefl setting the boundaries and workinjg out what you want and Mr P seesm to be shifting and then you went all un -Sireny trying to control the outcome

    You dont *need* to do that

    The world is your oyster and you can just sit right on back, enjoy yourself and be surprised!

    yes.I do feel relieved

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 10:31am

  514. 514: TamNo Gravatar says:

    I love my fear but it’s a little annoying.
    And so cute to realise that I used to think and say that MrP is full of fear, hence our problems.
    Well, honestly speaking, I have a couple of wheelbarrow loads more fear than he has, evidently.
    It’s interesting to see that so clearly now, I never used to see it at all.
    Hello fear, guess what, today you didn’t rule me. Maybe tomorrow but not today. Phew.

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 10:34am

  515. 515: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:


    “I shall not try and control the outcome until I have seen the baby with my own eyes and observed a little. Or maybe I might change my mind, not sure.
    But today, no.”

    Oh Tam! I am so much in the same place as you. Speech or no speech. Wait and see and be surprised or have words spewed out with my wants and needs.

    Oh, I too shall be surprised. And I can feel it. It’s happening. All this love is coming to me and it feels sooooo good and rewarding. I shall receive it fully with an open heart and let myself just be and be surprised.

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 10:35am

  516. 516: ruthNo Gravatar says:


    See, I *knew* I could feel relief;)

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 10:36am

  517. 517: TamNo Gravatar says:

    513..aw Ruth, I feel smily now – thank you for shaking me up..actually, you said the right thing at the right time. thank you :)
    I feel a little guilty for causing you more stress after a stressful day, but at least nobody died (thanks for adjusting our ways of looking at the world too).
    So many people have it far worse than me…I feel better.
    Thanks Ruth!!

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 10:36am

  518. 518: ruthNo Gravatar says:



    I feel curious about this Magaret Lynch EFT

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 10:37am

  519. 519: AnnieNo Gravatar says:

    FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    “Annie can you see though a validity in the point that the comments can be experienced as dismissive? Also it suggests to me that you might have made a point that you couldn’t defend when they asked followup questions so your instinct was to run or freeze. Which then translated into “I feel bored”. Don’t know if this makes sense but I would assume that they are making a valid point because it is their experience. It doesn’t mean that you are wrong.”

    I did wonder that FW, but they actually substituted my words so changed the context. Which they have done several times before. It is what they do. I new that it would take hours of my time to explain in depth and I was exhausted and didn’t want to.
    I would have felt happy to explain in depth futher meaning on what I actually did write. But not on what they made up about what I wrote. If that makes sense.

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 10:37am

  520. 520: TamNo Gravatar says:

    SA you are inspiring me now, you are strong today, wow

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 10:38am

  521. 521: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Who’s I get it about larger than life leaning !
    that image feels super helpful to me

    And also whoa shock, punch in tummy nausea?

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 10:38am

  522. 522: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Ruth also thanks for clarifying something else ‘he seems to be shifting’ – yes (and into the right direction). And that’s evidently what scared the sh** out of me, isn’t it?
    I can see it now. Yikes.

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 10:39am

  523. 523: AnnieNo Gravatar says:

    Although only when I had rested as I felt exhausted and drained.

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 10:39am

  524. 524: ruthNo Gravatar says:

    *sticks specs on end of nose and peers down*

    well, dont do it again, young lady;)

    Actually, all the adrenaline and stress an stuff enabled me to post just what i thought to you
    Another day i might have not said owt to avoid potential conflict

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 10:40am

  525. 525: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    My goddess wasn’t bronze, she was like, see thru like an amoeba and way huge like a building

    Oh wow she’s getting huger and ‘I’ am starting to feel scared, she can’t be aware of me at that size can she?

    Mm I feel sad and scared :(

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 10:41am

  526. 526: TamNo Gravatar says:

    524 – oooh, ok I will behave!!
    But scary to think you may have not told me because you felt it could create conflict!! Noooo!! I need to be told. Absolutely!!
    I love to hear it, I like the truth even if it hurts!!

    So Ruth, you are full of good advice and we will all benefit, so please don’t keep it in, ok????

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 10:43am

  527. 527: TamNo Gravatar says:

    I feel so grateful for my siren friends!!! :)

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 10:45am

  528. 528: MissStixNo Gravatar says:

    Now I wait till I have to pee.

    In the mean time…

    I felt surreal the whole time. I will not forget the songs that played on the radio on my way to walmart. No matter the outcome this day feels poignant. I guess…I will find out soon why I feel this way.

    I really want to speculate! But I will wait, and I will sink into whatever I feel when the result comes, and I will accept whatever life offers up to me.

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 10:51am

  529. 529: ruthNo Gravatar says:

    Right well, I might as well be totally honest here
    I was feeling pretty triggered too
    Spent a lot of the last 2 days posting on my running forum too.Not about running
    But one of the young men on thre, about 30, well, he is seriously depressed and at high risk of suicide and VERY stubborn too
    I *know* its only the internet but you feel so helpless sometimes
    Anyway, we have persuaded him finally to seek help but boy it was an exhausting 48 hours

    I shall leave work out of it for now

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 10:51am

  530. 530: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Something else is triggering me powerfully and I feel surprised at that. It involves a judgement and also a icky feeling I had and an idea that came up for me.

    And with that I feel kinda not seen and mistrustful and

    Scared and angry


    And I feel confused cuz the words ‘seem’ loving but I’m receiving them with fear and ick … Hmmm

    I don’t feel seen! I want to yell out and defend and also afraid of feeling smothered and ‘lied to?’ more ick

    Doesn’t feel safe

    Feeling guilty for hearing all this along with innocuous seeming words

    Feeling confused

    Tightening mouth

    I want to heal this

    I feel compelling energy to express my idea and I feel worried it won’t be received in a feel good way

    Also just feeling some shock to be feeling this way

    Feeling unsafe to talk feeling urge to pull someone privately to share

    I don’t really have a habit of that

    Feeling suspicious at these urges that I associate w other people

    Feel worried something got in my energy feeling panic

    Searching for compassion, found some, now gonna work my I’m here for your feelings magic and see how my perspective shifts

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 10:52am

  531. 531: RadloveNo Gravatar says:


    Thanks! It’s gotta be in baby steps. That’s the trick. And Rori says baby steps all the time.

    So I just baby stepped by putting all the dreaded papers on my desk into a box, and the objects into a different box. Then I wiped down the desk.

    Then I unstuck some more energy by cleaning and setting up the wooden desk organizer that my Dad made so many years ago. It is about 3 feet by 1 foot by 1 foot, with cubby holes inside to stash desk stuff and papers.

    I have been meaning to get that set up since I moved here last November, and it is finally, finally done. Now I can organize my desk better. Just stopping here at my safe nest to regroup, because I still feel terrified of facing the loan people and their nasty little form.

    How can I reframe that? How can I make form filling out pleasant? These nice people gave me a loan and gave me time to pay it back. They offered for me to pay a little extra to get unemployment insurance, so that it will be more compatible if I get unemployed.

    Now I am unemployed and I simply need to jump thru their hoops by filling out the form and sending the one page to my previous employer. And I will be ok.

    My underlying fear is that I will lose the good credit I took 20 years to rebuild.

    I will have a job soon and all will be okay. I feel grateful I have a home stocked with food, doggies, kitties, furniture, appliances. I feel grateful I have a car with gas and it is mostly repaired so I can drive safely.

    I feel grateful I have a bay to swim in, and soon it will be too cold and I trust that I will be able to have a swimming membership since I love swimming so much. Then I will be able to take dance classes as well. So I can be more graceful and fluid as I move like a Siren. So then someday I can dance naked for my husband and feel his eyes on my body, wanting me, accepting me. How I love my life.

    Your fear served you in the past, lil girl, but it doesn’t need to be there anymore. We got this, you and me, lil girl Radlove and big girl Radlove, and we are going to keep taking babysteps together and get our life in order.

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 10:52am

  532. 532: CalypsoNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Sirens – Trying to read real quick to catch up from being gone yesterday – so much going on with all of us!

    Yesterday was stressful for me and my middle son – his bone marrow test was a nightmare – it took them 3 tries – very painful. JC texted me “Hugs”, which I really needed! Today he asked me to a picnic lunch in the local park – he is off, so he got the food and met me on my lunch break. He is really being very sweet and good to me. I’m leaning way back because of my feelings for GM and my fear that I will hurt JC . . . plus it’s only been 3 weeks that we have been seeing each other – it feels like longer in some ways.

    Today is GM’s birthday. I knew I would text him, so I went ahead and did it at 8:00 this morning – just a short “Happy Birthday, “GM”” and he replied “Thank u” and that was it. I was proud of myself.

    Then . . . sitting in the park with JC munching on a ham sandwich, I get a text – I look down and it is a picture of GM’s left shoulder with a new dragon tatoo and the text says, “My gift to myself”.

    I ignored the text and focused on JC and we had a lovely time. By the time I was alone and could text GM back, it had been an hour. I said, “Wow “GM”, I love it”. No reply from him – he is pouting because it took me so long to reply – and I really don’t care.

    This is the classic example of me needing to chose the relationship I want over the man I want. . .

    JC has rented a chalet for us in the mountains toward the end of November. He is talking about taking me to the beach for a quick weekend. We are going to dinner and a movie tomorrow. He is sweet and is not smothering me. I need to relax and enjoy this. I wonder if it will really take 2 years for me to get over GM if a special man is in my life taking good care of me, chasing me, making me feel good?

    In my mind, I know I would NEVER cheat on GM if he wanted a relationship with me. I would not do ANYTHING to risk our relationship. With JC, I would not want to hurt his feelings, but I would slip off to go see GM if the opportunity came up – whatever happened would be ok with me. I am wondering how long it would take – best case scenario, for me to feel that way about JC? I know 3 weeks is not long enough, but is 3 months? A year? I was with SL for 2 months and jumped at the chance to go to the beach with GM . . . have not seen SL since then and don’t miss him.

    I like digging around in my messy feelings . . . uncovering ugly truths about myself and loving me anyway :-)

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 10:54am

  533. 533: ruthNo Gravatar says:

    I shall just ramble quietly to myself for a bit

    I feel such relief today
    And quietly pleased that because of the discussion on that other forum, well, people have stepped up and shared SO much useful stuff about depression that a load of other people have stopped just lurking and are saying it is helping them

    I feel relieved that from such awful experiences can come some good

    oop, and now i want to cry

    Im just laying down the burden and ending this day


    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 10:56am

  534. 534: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    A dating site for dog lovers!!!!


    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 10:58am

  535. 535: ruthNo Gravatar says:

    yes radlove

    You have to eat an elephant in small bites, or whatever it is they say *scrambled teary brain*

    Calypso, well, these feel like good questions to ponder

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 10:59am

  536. 536: MissStixNo Gravatar says:

    I feel like I am clinging to the blog.

    I am reading, but every time I try to respond to a siren I can’t. There is a bubble around me. I can’t burst it. I am caught up in my own world.

    I am chugging water, and possibly smoking my last cigarette. Gross. I shouldn’t even be smoking at this point. I feel afraid I will be judged for smoking when I suspect I might be pregnant. I want one last smoke. If those 2 pink lines pop up I will flush every last cigarette.

    Breathing. The butterflies are making me feel sick, and I am trembling.

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 11:04am

  537. 537: ruthNo Gravatar says:


    Miss stix, that ciggie isnt a big deal in the scheme of things right now, so forget it.
    If those little pink lines pop up then there will be plenty of months ahead for you to take care of your body

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 11:09am

  538. 538: BelleNo Gravatar says:


    I used to get sucked into horrible conversations like that when I felt like I had to justify my feelings or choices and get someone else to agree with me so I could feel validated in them.
    I also used to care a LOT about what other people thought of me.
    Some people who sense that as a weakness to prey on will jump on it like a shark to chum (I’ve been on both sides of this).

    Does this resonate?

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 11:10am

  539. 539: DariaNo Gravatar says:


    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 11:15am

  540. 540: MissStixNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you ruth

    Your words feel calming, and reassuring. Even if i’m not pregnant I’ve been thinking of quitting. My brother has been using an e-cigarette successfully for about a month now. He said it’s more than easy, it’s not even an issue. He loves it! But if I am pregnant it’s a cold turkey platter for me :p lol

    I could pee now…But I want to make sure I store up some quantity. Still waiting…

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 11:16am

  541. 541: BelleNo Gravatar says:

    Oh, and I also used to think my choices and feelings were supposed to make sense, and spent countless hours in conversations that went nowhere defending.
    Now I can laugh and say, “Honey, there’s nothing *rational* about it!” and toss out my mischievous imp grin, flounce and get on with my day.

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 11:16am

  542. 542: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Miss Stix, I feel nervously excited for you….ooohhh!!!

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 11:16am

  543. 543: forest sirenNo Gravatar says:

    Miss stix! I feel scared and excited and so curious to know oh wow!!!!

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 11:19am

  544. 544: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    @532 Calypso – hope your son’s bone marrow tests show good results! I can’t imagine how stressful that must feel…

    I feel so moved reading your posts about GM and JC. It makes me feel sad, comparing and contrasting men like that. It’s something that has to be done, I suppose.

    I just feel like I’ve been the one being compared and contrasted.

    I hated the feeling, especially since with my simultaneous amazingness, and yet deep feeling of unworthiness, I felt like it was a losing game for me, and as a result, it always was a losing game for me, if a guy had to choose between me and another girl.

    Wow, I totally just made that all about me. Hope it helped you somehow too…

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 11:20am

  545. 545: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    ((((Miss Stix)))) – I love reading your thoughts.

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 11:24am

  546. 546: SenaraNo Gravatar says:

    MissStix, I believe that the box should say to test with your first morning peepee otherwise the results could be “screwed”.

    Does it?

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 11:30am

  547. 547: SenaraNo Gravatar says:

    That’s what I remember reading on mine when I had to use one.

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 11:31am

  548. 548: CalypsoNo Gravatar says:

    544 Lama – ur funny!

    I don’t feel like I’m comparing the men as much as I’m comparing how I feel inside about them. They are completely different in almost every way, so not like I’m making a list of their good and bad points . . . I’m looking inside myself to see if I could be faithful to JC at this point and refuse any offer of spending time with GM and the answer is no – I’m not there yet. And the other thing I’m searching for is, am I willing to give up JC completely for a chance to be with GM . . . I’m anxious to get to the point where the answer is no to that as well. I don’t think I’m there yet, but if the offer from GM was a one time thing and if I thought I could see him without JC knowing (remember we have only known each other 3 weeks – no promises made), I would totally do it.

    It’s like my own little science experiment with being honest with myself and asking tough questions based on my previous experience with my behavior . . .

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 11:32am

  549. 549: MissStixNo Gravatar says:


    Not gonna lie it’s a bit strange to see others express excitement…But (and that’s a big ol but) It’s kind of nice! Like…Maybe I can feel really good about this!

    I know I will be a great mom! I can picture a little girl with tight dark curls like G and amber eyes like me. Or a little boy. Blonde as a baby like I was with green eyes like G and my mom. Ohhhh….Oh love! Omg. Now i’m crying.

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 11:33am

  550. 550: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    I feel at ease tonight.

    For the first time in two weeks I’ve had no work to do at home after a full day at work. This feels like the first night of many.

    It doesn’t feel good to feel too absorbed in my work. But I do love it.

    Relaxing evenings feel a priority to me right now.

    I feel comfortable with me

    I feel happy inside

    Today I got frowned on for being too happy! But in a jokey way not a mean way.

    I want everyone to feel happy!

    It feels great to smile 

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 11:34am

  551. 551: bloom-ingNo Gravatar says:

    miss stix, drinking a lot of water can dilute the hormones that indicate “pregnancy” via the drugstore test… i felt “pregnant” last month & took the test finally & i am not, but i felt surprised at how “disappointed” i was…. : ) (((miss stix)))

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 11:35am

  552. 552: MissStixNo Gravatar says:


    It does mention it, but it says it’s not necessary with this test, although it is best. I bought a double pack because it’s really early to test. The box says 5 days, but if it’s negative I will wait for my period, and if i’m late at all I will test again.

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 11:38am

  553. 553: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Aw Miss Stix!!!!!

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 11:38am

  554. 554: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    I feel like shouting… Get peeing miss stix, I wana know!

    ((miss stix))

    Oo It would feel strange to know before G knew?

    I feel excited too actually.

    Love your visions about what yours and g’s mini me’s would look like.

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 11:38am

  555. 555: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    Hi tam, you sound like your back on your horse!

    Hope your feeling more relaxed…


    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 11:40am

  556. 556: ruthNo Gravatar says:

    peeks in


    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 11:41am

  557. 557: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Smoking feels really calming. Eating does too. To be aware of what I am taking in as nourishment, and how I’m feeling … That is the yumminess for me.

    Earth I love being part of you



    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 11:42am

  558. 558: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Ruth, I have a craving for vanilla ice-cream and double flake now!!!!

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 11:43am

  559. 559: CurvySiren10No Gravatar says:

    Tam, I would gently suggest that you wait and see a bit on this. I know you want clarity and answers right now, but it feels rushed to me. Can you possibly just accept a little bit of a wait and see until you are together? I am feeling sad reading how much anxiety this is causing you. Like you need all of the answers today…I have so been there and done that, probably why I’m feeling so much empathy.

    MissStix, do an HPT! They are readily available and cheap!

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 11:43am

  560. 560: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Smile, and thank you!
    Yes, I was a mess but Ruth smacked my bum and sat me back on my horse. I almost let MrP ‘have it’ – he’d have ignored it anyway though, knowing him. He did the last two times. So really no point.

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 11:44am

  561. 561: ruthNo Gravatar says:


    ice cream


    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 11:45am

  562. 562: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Daria, I’ve noticed a change in vibe around your posts the last few days… Can’t put my finger on it but it feels exciting!!!!

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 11:45am

  563. 563: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Daria, I’ve noticed a change in vibe around your posts the last few days… Can’t put my finger on it but it feels exciting!!!!

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 11:46am

  564. 564: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    @548 Calpyso – I feel curious as to why you think I’m funny. a little embarassed too, because I suspect it’s because I’m immature. Oh well. I love my immaturity! makes me feel younger and like there’s so much life left to live!

    I feel good about what you said about not comparing the men themselves, but your feelings about the men. wow, that feels so huge to me.

    I feel scared of going solely by my feelings. I think they can be a good barometer, but not necessarily the best or only barometer for relationshipo potential.

    then again, I don’t know anything…

    feels sad…:(

    the next time I feel like a guy is “choosing between me and another girl” or “picking me apart” I will choose to believe that he is simply trying to figure out how he feels.

    maybe that’s what’s been happening all along in the past, and because I felt so insecure about myself, i wasn’t capable of making a man feel secure about himself, or himself with me.

    wow, that feels enlightening.

    a little sad, and a little hopeful too.

    I want to be the chooser though! Not the choosee!

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 11:50am

  565. 565: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you Curvy, I shall try. It’s fear…he’s changing and that feels scary. And he is leaving which feels scary too.
    I still have that sentence from him ringing in my ears ‘we don’t want the same thing’ …

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 11:50am

  566. 566: MissStixNo Gravatar says:

    One line sirens! Negative!

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 11:52am

  567. 567: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Aw Miss Stix – so how do you feel?????

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 11:55am

  568. 568: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    Aw I know how it feels to know where it’s heading, be in the moment.

    In terms of speeches I always felt I just get in and email it first so he knew…

    You will know deep in your heart if and when you should use the scripts like no friends, dating others, no sex…

    It will feel genuine and not forced because you will feel in the moment.

    I gave the no friends speech to strummingman last week simply because it felt right, it came to me natually. It was genuine.

    I thought I should tell him I was open to dating other guys but I bit my Tongue because I felt anxiety building up and didn’t want this vibe to seep out. I need to say it but I will wait to feel if and when it might feel genuine to share this.

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 11:55am

  569. 569: SenaraNo Gravatar says:

    And how do you feel about that, MissStix?

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 11:56am

  570. 570: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Smile, how did he react to the ‘no friends’ speech?

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 11:56am

  571. 571: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    That was for you Tam 568

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 11:56am

  572. 572: RadloveNo Gravatar says:


    I don’t eat elephants, but I do have a tendency to eat silly cows, LOL, so watch out! :-)

    I looked thru my box of desk papers and the form wasn’t in there. I thought it was. Now I feel scared all over again. I have to find it. But I got a start on organizing my papers. Which box of jumbled papers do I start with?

    Lil girl, I know you feel scared. That stuff was overwhelming in the past, but it doesn’t need to be now. You have the equipment to baby step your way thru. It will take some time to clear the back log, but only you can do it. You can’t afford to hire anyone to do it. And your friends all have their own responsibilities.

    Let’s just look thru one box of papers at a time. That’s all we can do.

    I want to play.

    Playing won’t get the creditor off your butt.

    But I still want to play.

    Ok, go ahead and play. What will you tell the bill collector?

    I dunno. I feel pretty irresponsible.

    You aren’t irresponsible. It’s understandable that you feel scared. But if you do this today, then you won’t have to face it tomorrow, ok? And if you do this today, then you can play tonight and swim in the bay, ok?

    Ok. It feels yucky tho.

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 11:56am

  573. 573: MissStixNo Gravatar says:

    That was like whooooosh! A lot of tension released all at once. I feel calm and ummm kind of just “normal”. I feel no disappointment at all. Nor do I feel any elation or relief really…Just an abscense of the tension and anxiety I felt before.

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 11:56am

  574. 574: TamNo Gravatar says:

    I knew Smile :)

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 11:57am

  575. 575: MissStixNo Gravatar says:


    I feel hungry actually! Rumbly belly grrrrroar!

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 11:58am

  576. 576: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    He didn’t ‘offer’ me friendship or to just stay ‘friends’ but I said it in terms of not accepting ‘crumbs’ in so many words. He actually told me he knew that I wanted a family and a committed relationship and so did he. But I guess he needs to ‘feel’ that feeling to commit…

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 12:00pm

  577. 577: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Smile, at least he is on the same page ‘generally’…..so that’s good!

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 12:01pm

  578. 578: BelleNo Gravatar says:


    ” i wasn’t capable of making a man feel secure about himself, or himself with me.”

    Is this what we are supposed to be doing?
    if so, I’ve been so backwards
    so so so backwards
    I’ve been sort of getting off on making men feel insecure. I like it when they get squirmy and jumpy.
    I’ve been doing it wayyyy wrong?
    I must have missed that in Rori’s stuff…
    but I don’t see how I could have really done it any differently with C because he’s not available other than not engage.
    I did my best not to engage but I’ve been emotionally depleted and am still learning how to care for myself

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 12:02pm

  579. 579: MissStixNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you all from the bottom of my heart! I have no girls I feel comfortable to call up about something like that. G is at work so without you I would have been doing that alone.

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 12:03pm

  580. 580: ruthNo Gravatar says:

    Miss Stix
    it feels good to read that your tension has been released

    Now, you are probably already doing this but i am sure a little folic acid would not hurt, just in case

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 12:03pm

  581. 581: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    Radlove, how would half hour stints with breaks feel? It’s getting started that feels the hardest bit when I have to do jobs like these.

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 12:03pm

  582. 582: ruthNo Gravatar says:

    Radlove I think you might get some decent rump steaks out of me

    Belle. yeah, I think we are supposed to be making a safe space for men to fel secure around us

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 12:05pm

  583. 583: ruthNo Gravatar says:

    Radlove, I am supposed to be writing a talk for the baby docs at work
    I expect I shall be doing it at 4am


    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 12:08pm

  584. 584: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    Ruth, you feel on form tonight!! Go Ruth!!

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 12:11pm

  585. 585: BelleNo Gravatar says:

    Noticing distress has been a way to get attention, to get needs met
    I have been wanting a hug from C today and
    noticed my distress rising and rising,
    heart contracting, tears rising,
    pain across my chest
    I imagined walking into the other room and breaking down and asking for a hug

    shake shake shake it off little one
    that’s just not attractive!
    well, it might be attractive to C but how’s that been working for us???!!
    what if
    we just felt so yummy and good and delicious and open-hearted that we were the magnet and people just *wanted* to hug us?
    Couldn’t resist hugging us, cuz we feel so good to be around?
    (hard to believe)
    but it’s worth a shot
    cuz you’re right, desperation isn’t very sexy
    Feels much much much lighter in my heart
    get back to work, little one!

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 12:11pm

  586. 586: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Annie it makes sense. I felt curious about the dismissive comment because it is something that happens in my life too and since I have started paying attention the Rori Raye way I see where I have been. Also though you might experience them as twisting your words they might not see it that way. It is what they understand related to your communication which is the reason why sometimes it is good to ask clarifying questions.

    Your experience is your experience though and for future maybe I would work with them through letting them know I feel like they are changing my words from what I originally meant.

    I learned from one of my bosses years ago that when several people said the same thing about him he stopped and paid attention though it was not his self perception. That lesson has stuck with me. Self perception is not always correct.

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 12:11pm

  587. 587: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Also we communicate things that seem obvious to us. But the receiver can “hear” something totally different than what we are saying. Which I believe is kinda what we are learning on this blog.

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 12:12pm

  588. 588: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    Tam, all is not lost I’m hopeful! He actually wants to marry and have children more than me.

    Im just staying open and responding to what feels good and what doesn’t. I get to choose!

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 12:13pm

  589. 589: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Guess what is also unsettling me is the pattern of a few days manic contact, lots of emails and then: silence for 2-3 weeks.
    That’s the way he is but it doesn’t feel good at all. He once told me he spoke to his Ex gf every day. Makes me feel ‘less than’ and I don’t like it.

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 12:13pm

  590. 590: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    @ 578 Belle – wow, I feel really surprised to your response to me, and I can actually kind of relate to it.

    If I understand correctly, the Relationship You want, starts with a good relationship with yourself. Once you have a strong, loving relationship established with Yourself, Good men find you irresistable.

    When you’re still in the process of working on loving yourself, you attract men who are still working on loving THEMselves.

    It’s a process though, and one that requires constant mindful re-programming and shifting and letting go of control.

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 12:14pm

  591. 591: ruthNo Gravatar says:

    Yes FW

    that is true enough about self perception not always being correct

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 12:15pm

  592. 592: bloom-ingNo Gravatar says:


    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 12:16pm

  593. 593: BelleNo Gravatar says:


    “Belle. yeah, I think we are supposed to be making a safe space for men to fel secure around us”


    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 12:16pm

  594. 594: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    @578 Belle cont –

    “I’ve been sort of getting off on making men feel insecure. I like it when they get squirmy and jumpy.”

    I feel so curious about this. You say you like it when they get squirmy and jumpy. How does it make you feel? Does it make you feel powerful? Does it make you feel validated as a more attractive, desirable person than they are?

    It sounds like you’re still working on everything (like we all are!) and that’s totally fine.

    But maybe ask yourself; how would it feel to make a man feel good and secure?

    More imporantly, are you making yourself feel good and secure by the way you are living your life?

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 12:18pm

  595. 595: BelleNo Gravatar says:

    That explains 25 years of relationship horrors.
    I had to get up and walk down the hall I’m laughing so hard :)

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 12:19pm

  596. 596: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    Don’t beat yourself up about feeling less than his ex… He’s not in a committed relationship with her is he! Your the one he’s offering to do stuff with…

    Stay in the moment, relax, you were so on your horse with longer silence than this before. 2-3 wks is nothing  easier said than done though I know. Try not to let him consume your thoughts.

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 12:19pm

  597. 597: ruthNo Gravatar says:

    Smile thank you
    I certainly do not feel myself today!

    I feel all out of sorts actually

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 12:19pm

  598. 598: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    wow, I feel so enlightened by Belle’s comment. I did like making men feel insecure, because it made me feel more powerful and secure, because I was insecure!

    whoa. poor men!

    I would feel so icky if I could sense a guy trying to make me feel insecure!

    actually I have had a guy who I sensed was trying to make me feel insecure!

    that’s what they do when they hardcore flirt with other girls in front of me, and then look over to me to see my reaction.

    whoa. poor insecure guys.

    Poor insecure past me!

    It feels so immature and ridiculous now.

    Secure people don’t need that kind of junk!

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 12:20pm

  599. 599: MissStixNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you ruth! I have not been taking any, but I know how important it is. I will get some just in case! I still have some thoughts of “false negative”, but it’s reassuring to not see a positive.

    I am left with new knowledge, as I knew I would be. I would be happy to be G’s baby momma! From now on when he brings up kids I will feel good and comfortable to referr to them as “our” kids instead of “my” and “your”.

    I envisioned children as a blend of him and me for the first time and that felt incredibly good!! It overwhelmed me for a minute. :)

    Now…He will never bring it up again LOL ’cause that’s how it goes 😉

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 12:22pm

  600. 600: ruthNo Gravatar says:

    595 Belle

    I sort of get where you are coming from
    I have had to *prove* myself in a very masculine oriented career and i could make your hair curl with the sexism I have come across

    I sometimes have felt good in making a man squirm also

    But, um, let me think

    That happens when i am feeling insecure and defensive and needing to “prove my worth”

    Hm, now.That would be at work

    Wonder if that has translated into relationships too
    Food for thought

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 12:23pm

  601. 601: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    Actually I’ve been surprisingly feeling good about the fact that ex of 2 years didn’t contact me again after his 1 text asking how my holiday was. After I saw him on that night out with his girlfriend I wondered if he’d be in touch. He said he wanted to stay in touch and meet for coffee, oh well he changed his mind. Not dwelling on it. Riding on my horse.

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 12:24pm

  602. 602: ruthNo Gravatar says:

    ooh lama
    you said much the same as me

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 12:25pm

  603. 603: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    Hmm relaxing feels like boredom tonight.

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 12:27pm

  604. 604: ruthNo Gravatar says:

    Miss Stix, that feel so nice to read about the shuft to *our* children
    I feel warm

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 12:27pm

  605. 605: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Smile thank you for the wise words!!

    Regarding your ex of 2 yrs, he’ll be in touch…

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 12:35pm

  606. 606: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    He he so I feel giggly now. Just had a peek on a dating website to see what’s out there. Hm first impressions feel good…

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 12:38pm

  607. 607: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    Tam, I know from meeting his best friend for a brew last weekend that he goes away today with the lads for a week.

    I am a magnet!!!

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 12:42pm

  608. 608: ruthNo Gravatar says:


    ah smile that feels good to read

    excited and giggly is great

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 12:43pm

  609. 609: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Yep, magneting even ex’s friend!!!

    Oh that reminds me of the magnet tool!!

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 12:45pm

  610. 610: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    ug, I wrote all these lovely thoughts to Calyspso and I don’t know what happened to them!

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 12:48pm

  611. 611: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    Tam, Ha, he’s just a friend, no romance there !

    Actually I saw a lot of ex of 2 years in his mannerisms. I’m sure he would make a lovely partner, Hm, I just don’t ‘feel’ it towards him. Nothing physical, no tingles.

    I feel judgemental to say he’s not my type. Wowzas! Smile what are you saying…. Do you have a type…?

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 12:50pm

  612. 612: BelleNo Gravatar says:


    “@578 Belle cont –

    “I’ve been sort of getting off on making men feel insecure. I like it when they get squirmy and jumpy.”

    I feel so curious about this. You say you like it when they get squirmy and jumpy. How does it make you feel? Does it make you feel powerful? Does it make you feel validated as a more attractive, desirable person than they are?

    **yes..yes…it makes me feel “more” than…but now that I’m typing this and thinking about it, I can see my father looking at me with the same sort of look in his eye. It’s reveling in being mean, if I really think about it. There is an anger behind it…and pain behind that. Offensively defensive?
    Heart pain. Feels like a big gray stone wall, a fortress. It’s like I haven’t had an in between until lately when I’ve been practicing more…it has been either cold hard stone wall, or exposed raw can’t even stand the slightest breeze sensitive and tender.

    “It sounds like you’re still working on everything (like we all are!) and that’s totally fine.

    But maybe ask yourself; how would it feel to make a man feel good and secure? ”

    ***Hmm…Good question. I feel my heart sort of contract like I might cry. I don’t know. Part of me imagines it could be really good but now I’m really crying because I don’t feel safe with men. I don’t want them to feel secure.
    They are always poking poking
    trying to get something
    trying to go to far
    see what they can get
    if they feel too secure they are going to hurt me or get mad and lash out at me if I pull away
    or take me for granted
    leave me used up like trash.

    “More imporantly, are you making yourself feel good and secure by the way you are living your life?”

    More and more, yes yes yes.
    Just now C called and had a computer issue and when I didn’t have an answer right off the bat I sat with the tension and said, “well, I don’t know what to tell you.” He didn’t ask me to help and I breathed through the urge to go to his desk and help him, so I could be close to him and useful.
    (my heart hurts)

    More and more I meditate on my breath, and sink into my heartbeat. More and more often, I resist being teenagery sexual with friends and at work and breath through the feelings. I used to laugh at slimey kinds of jokes even if I didn’t feel comfortable but now I feel more and more comfortable walking away or sitting them out and not trying to pretend I think they are funny if I don’t.
    More and more I sit in the mirror and talk to me.

    I started doing a daily “Life Changing Procedure” which are affirmations designed to affirm my noble qualities, and I look in my eyes in the mirror and do EFT while I say them and I can
    feeeeel them
    I can really really SEE that so many of my choices are influenced by my self-image as a wounded, distressed, sad, frumpy, dorky individual and
    I can see that it’s really only an image and I can feel like I can almost touch how real those wonderful qualities in myself are and magnify them with my attention and care for them.

    My heart still feels…twisty?
    I want to feel grateful but I don’t right now but I do very much like that you asked, thank you so so so much.

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 12:51pm

  613. 613: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    Ruth, feeling warmer to meeting new men.

    I’m open to meeting men but a dating website feels like ‘actively seeking at the min’

    I’m still enjoying time alone.

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 12:52pm

  614. 614: MissStixNo Gravatar says:

    So many many thoughts! More thoughts than feelings…

    I was definitely hoping for a negative. But I was hoping for more than that…I was hoping for a negative with disappointment like bloom-ing described. Like…Oh! If I feel disappointed I will know I want kids, and soon! But no. I feel just like I did before. Give us 3 years universe! 3 years and we will have it together. I know deep in my heart the one and only thing that stops G from trying to get me pregnant is money. He grew up poor after his pops passed and he doesn’t want to raise his kids in poverty.

    I know he wants them with me because he wouldn’t keep bringing it up otherwise. I sense his frustration with me. He wants to hear me say “Oh yes, our kids will be the best! And i’m ready to think about it and plan this future with you.”. But I haven’t said that…Not even close. No. When he said his kids will be the coolest I said “Not as cool as mine!” Yikes. And when he said how nice it would be to be so busy like his bro I said “They’re busy cause they have a couple kids!” and “pfft”ed when he just said “Yep.”. Double yikes! :S

    Now I have no idea what to do. I’m not worried about it, but I want to do the right thing. Maybe I should tell G about taking the test today.

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 12:57pm

  615. 615: CalypsoNo Gravatar says:

    Lama @ 564 – I should have stated why I thought you were funny – it was your comment at the end about how you made it all about you – I loved it. I think the two of us are a lot alike – I keep finding myself relating tot hings you say.

    @ 610 :( I feel sad there are “Lovely thoughts” out in the universe from you to me and they have gone “Poof” . . .

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 1:01pm

  616. 616: ruthNo Gravatar says:

    beel, I have no idea what you *actually* look like(not that it matters an iota)
    But you have always come across to me on the blog as a beautiful sensual woman in touch with her self and comfortable with herself and i feel surpriesd to read your post
    No, erm, actually, it makes my heart hurt too

    “gray stone wall fortress”

    Agh, feels yucky and familiar
    Trigger time
    Ugh, I didnt want to say that

    I wanted to say you dont come across to me like that at all

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 1:03pm

  617. 617: CalypsoNo Gravatar says:

    MissStix @614 – Ohhhh . . . what a lovely opportunity to use feeling messages with G – I wonder what you might learn about yourself and him?

    I am 48 and have 3 grown sons. GM is also 48 and has 3 grown kids . . .when we were together I had a PG scare and I took him down panic lane with me – lol. The next week i went with him when he had his vasectomy . . .

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 1:05pm

  618. 618: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Wow ((Belle))

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 1:07pm

  619. 619: turquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Sirens,

    I found a down side to figuring out what I really want, creating a mental picture… my most vivid one, is spending Christmas with someone. Cutting down the tree, decorating, playing in the snow, hosting a party together, snuggling in front of the fireplace, sharing special holiday memories, all that sweetness…… and then realizing you may never have it. Wow, was that a shocking, sinking into my soul feeling. I may never ever have that with someone. That really hurts to think about.

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 1:08pm

  620. 620: ruthNo Gravatar says:

    Cant recall who mentioned gem therapy but i love to wear gems
    Big pendant jobs!

    I love Amber and Rose quartz and Peridot and haematite

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 1:08pm

  621. 621: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    GEm therapy – I believe it was Daria

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 1:11pm

  622. 622: ruthNo Gravatar says:

    I have this big old rock form the Lake District in England
    had it since I was 7
    It just about fits in my hand and is white and grey with sparkly quartz bits

    I took it to all my exams as a lucky charm

    I have not held it in years but it sits on my desk in my real house i go to at weekends.

    It would feel good and reassuring to hold that again

    I am an Earth sign and i love to hold things from the earth

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 1:15pm

  623. 623: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    @ 612 Belle – aw, it feels so good to read through your thoughts and healing processes! ((((Belle))))

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 1:16pm

  624. 624: ruthNo Gravatar says:

    621 thanks FW

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 1:16pm

  625. 625: ruthNo Gravatar says:

    Now I have relaxed a bit too much

    Cant type and am posting tripe


    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 1:19pm

  626. 626: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    Thought probing question at the end of my book… Are there no limits to what you’d do for love…?

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 1:21pm

  627. 627: bloom-ingNo Gravatar says:

    mmmmmmm RUTH love it ! forest siren & daria were chatting gem therapy… feel curious myself i love rocks & touching stones & i like to live near granite – thank you !

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 1:24pm

  628. 628: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    There has to be limits otherwise called boundaries. Unless we want to deal with sacrificing our own lives and building resentment

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 1:24pm

  629. 629: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    @564 Calypso – aw, thanks for clarifying. it made me feel validated! guess I’m more mature than I give myself credit for…that feels really warm and reassuring. yum. :)

    It feels good that you feel like we have a lot in common! I love feeling “not alone” in my “craziness.” It’s really not crazy at all, is it?

    and about the comments…I think they actually did make it on here. My computer was having some “slow” moments, and I kind of panicked.

    either that or I was actually the one having “slow” moments. hehe, I feel silly and fun saying that.

    but i also feel kind of guilty because I don’t want to offend anyone! I feel so awful when i say stuff like that and someone with a loved one that has a mental disability feels offended!

    I love many wonderful people with all kinds of disabilities!

    I have disabilities!

    It’s okay!

    I can poke fun at myself!

    I can take things not so seriously!

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 1:28pm

  630. 630: ruthNo Gravatar says:

    yeah I have limits

    I may not have voiced them yet

    It feels good to touch stone and crystal
    it feels good to feel it warm up in my hands

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 1:29pm

  631. 631: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    phew, I feel exhausted. been spamming the blog and reading and responding. Feels great to rift, feels great to read, feels great to connect with all of you lovely ladies!

    but I need some breathing time and need to finish up some work here at my desk!

    ((((((Blog ladies))))))

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 1:30pm

  632. 632: turquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks Sassy, that makes a lot of sense, and I hadn’t thought about it that way. I do need to be my whole self first. Then a man will complement me, not complete me. That feels better to think of that way. I feel kind of exhausted too. I’m glad it’s almost the weekend. Hugs to you!

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 1:31pm

  633. 633: ruthNo Gravatar says:

    Lama, the blog was weird for ages ealier tonight
    I could not get anything to load
    felt frustrating

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 1:33pm

  634. 634: MissStixNo Gravatar says:


    lol! That must have thrown you both just slightly off balance 😛

    I think this is my best opportunity yet! I want to snatch it up and run with it. But I need to relax and really process this so I can approach it in just the right way.

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 1:41pm

  635. 635: MissStixNo Gravatar says:

    I have piece of jade hanging in my rearview mirror. I bought it when I was single because it called out to me. I clutch it in my palm when I feel stress and it soothes me. I can feel its vibrations and its positive energy like vines climbing my arm.

    I am going to look up gem therapy now! I am intrigued!

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 1:44pm

  636. 636: CalypsoNo Gravatar says:

    MissStix @ 634 – I did not have Rori back then and knew nothing of FM’s or of leaning back – I wish sooooo much that I could have a complete do-over with GM. I did and said all of the wrong things with the man I would love to spend the rest of my days with. He’s a mess, but I love him madly and believe we are meant to be together. I’ve about come to terms with that not happening. But yes . . . it threw us slightly off balance . . . he said, “Wouldn’t that be cute? The two of us pushing a stroller… Our kids would be so proud!” lol. I would have been happy to have his baby . . . I felt a little sad when he made sure that could never happen – even though I don’t want or need more kids . . . the baby would have been “ours” and I would have loved him or her forever. sigh . . .

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 1:54pm

  637. 637: BelleNo Gravatar says:


    “I would feel so icky if I could sense a guy trying to make me feel insecure!”

    Oooh, yup, I’m nodding my head…
    I don’t like them doing it to me,
    Now that I think about it, I doubt they like it either. I doubt, deep down, they like feeling like they have that much control over someone.
    maybe I’m projecting
    I know that, even though there is a high in “making” a man feel insecure,
    there is a feeling of relief and safety when he doesn’t take the bait.
    C has a HUGE ego and I can tell he’s very insecure and I wished so many times he DIDN’T feel insecure around me, that he would just feel confident and take charge
    so I’m learning to lean back and be more secure for myself.

    Today someone got up from the table abruptly and left the room. I felt rattled and alarmed, I thought he got mad but nobody else even seemed to notice.
    (I’m noticing a pattern, too, that it’s specifically getting up from the table and leaving abruptly that has triggered me twice this week with 2 different people).
    I often don’t read social cues very well (I fall on the Aspy spectrum) and feel out of sorts when I can’t read what’s going on.
    I’m practicing tolerating the feelings.
    The more I talk about it the more I notice that the insecurity is so MUCH about self-image.
    When I think of my finer qualities, and look at myself in the mirror
    I see an intricately weaved, sophisticated colorful web of light. I feel what I imagine is “real” love,
    a highly coherent field all around and through me.

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 1:55pm

  638. 638: CalypsoNo Gravatar says:

    Lama – We are quirky . . . not crazy – lol

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 1:56pm

  639. 639: bloom-ingNo Gravatar says:

    lol i read somewhere or something that this year was a good year for gem therapy………

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 2:00pm

  640. 640: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Wow Belle I feel utterly intrigued . Thank you for sharing

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 2:02pm

  641. 641: Goddess LilyNo Gravatar says:

    I’m feeling rather lonely. Going to try and find one of Rori’s programs to figure out what to do. Can’t text my ex again! I’ve already leaned forward too much in the last two days.

    I want to cry but the cry won’t come. I don’t understand, I usually cry easily.

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 2:08pm

  642. 642: Goddess LilyNo Gravatar says:

    Ha! Stop sign tool! I almost forgot.

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 2:10pm

  643. 643: Goddess LilyNo Gravatar says:

    Out the window tool! This one takes thought. What do I really love?

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 2:12pm

  644. 644: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Turquoise – I was listening to Heart Connection Toolkit the other day and Rori shares the imagine moments in ideal relationship tool.

    She’s very clear that it will trigger not so good feeling thoughts of exes, or scarcity, etc.

    She says part of the tool is to be aware of that and gently and consistently turn our attention back to the good feeling imagery. This builds our emotional awareness muscle of being able to keep turning to the positive.


    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 2:13pm

  645. 645: ruthNo Gravatar says:

    Just rambling quietly again
    But it wouild feel good to me to start to fundraise for a charity which provided cunselling for depressive illness.yes, it is available on our glorious NHS but there is too much of a wait and it isnt enough(I paid fior my therapy)
    Fpr the last 10 years I have run London Marathon for kidney research, which is my medical specailty, but i feel more invested in the dpresssion thing

    work to do

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 2:13pm

  646. 646: bloom-ingNo Gravatar says:

    belle !

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 2:15pm

  647. 647: bloom-ingNo Gravatar says:

    THere must be another way !!!

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 2:16pm

  648. 648: bloom-ingNo Gravatar says:

    lol those 2 things aren’t “related” though …. or not in a “one-stop” thought-train kind of way…

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 2:17pm

  649. 649: Goddess LilyNo Gravatar says:

    Ha Ha. I just had a thought of the rap song – Lean Back. It has zero to do with Rori’s tools but it made me laugh how my mind made the leap to a song I haven’t heard in years just because I was trying not to lean forward with my ex.

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 2:18pm

  650. 650: Goddess LilyNo Gravatar says:

    Whoo! I need much more practice with Surrender Speak!

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 2:34pm

  651. 651: bloom-ingNo Gravatar says:

    that’s not true. “lean back” is a great example of rori’s tools i think… lol

    “we don’t pay admission, the bouncer’s don’t check us, & we walk around the metal detectors & there really ain’t a need for a VIP section, in the middle of the dance floor, reckless checkin. said he liked my necklace, started relaxin, now that’s what the xx called a chain reaction. see, money ain’t a thang, we still the same – clothes just change, now we bout to change again” YUM

    honestly, not lying, goddess lily, that is one of my favorite songs in the world to dance to : ))

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 2:35pm

  652. 652: ruthNo Gravatar says:

    I feel ignored but its ok cos i got to practice feeling messages again

    Not sure they work
    the men get aggressive and-
    oh well

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 2:35pm

  653. 653: Butterfly wingsNo Gravatar says:

    MissStix – if you’re due next week then I’m pretty sure you’re not pregnant. The tests normally say to wait till you’re late too, because the egg doesn’t even implant till around a week after ovulation.

    Since coming off BCP, I’m now following the Billings Method to prevent pregnancy. The most natural way to prevent or achieve pregnancy!

    There are instructions online about how to do this method. It might seem gross at first, but once you start to understand your body, it’s really simple and easy. Except when you’re in the mood for some lovin’ at ovulation time! 😉

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 2:39pm

  654. 654: bloom-ingNo Gravatar says:

    this was my anthem when i was 13:

    “hey ladies” by Destiny’s Child

    Thou shalt know when he’s got to go.

    Hey ladies why is it that men can go do us wrong?
    Why is it that we just decide to keep holdin’ on?
    Why is it that we never seem to just have the strength to leave?
    But he’s got to go he’s got to go

    My man’s been cheatin’ on me
    Been runnin’ round here wit’ this little tenderoni
    And don’t think I haven’t noticed
    He’s been actin’ funny
    Takin’ too long to call me
    And somebody told me
    That the worst thing of it all is that he gave her money

    Now how he gon’ give her my ends
    That’s a no, no
    My first reaction’s telling me he’s got to go, go
    But I just ain’t for sure
    Should I just let him go
    Oh I don’t know

    You keep rewinding it
    Stopin’ it and playing yourself over again
    See I’m sick and tired of you doin’ that same old thing
    Sick of your same routine
    Now you’ve got to come clean
    Cause it’s killing me

    Yeah he did me wrong
    But I love him so
    I keep holding on
    But he got to go, he got to go
    Thought he was the one
    But now I don’t know
    After what he’s done
    He’s got to go, he’s got to go

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 2:44pm

  655. 655: SenaraNo Gravatar says:

    Ruth, sometimes FMs don’t work on my man either, or rather, they take a little longer to work, like a day or two.

    Sometimes, it’s instant result, though.

    I’ve been trying to find out why and if I was the one expressing myself badly (tone of voice, physical stance, etc.) and I’ve noticed that, for some cryptic reason, FMs were more effective in the afternoon.

    Strange, but there you have it.

    That’s the way it works in my house.

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 2:44pm

  656. 656: ruthNo Gravatar says:

    ah, I will finish that off
    *and the women ignore you”
    It feels yucky and horrible

    But, whats the point of even saying that?


    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 2:44pm

  657. 657: ruthNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you senara for replying.It is appreciated

    I am going for a little run and then I will go to bed
    Horrible day

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 2:47pm

  658. 658: Goddess LilyNo Gravatar says:


    Lmao. I didn’t know it but I needed you to say that. I guess those lean back lyrics go with the I am all that tool!

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 2:47pm

  659. 659: RadloveNo Gravatar says:


    581 – Yes, half hour stints is good. That’s more or less what I was doing…work then blog, work then blog.

    Finally I just bit the bullet and called the loan company, telling them I feel embarrassed, but I lost the set of forms they sent me. They said please come to our office, because more waiting time in the mail could result in legal trouble.

    So I forced myself to face them face to face, plus having a half hour drive each way. They were polite and said no need to be embarrassed.

    Not only that, but I had to fax two of the forms to my two last employers. I asked if I could fax it from there, because paying to fax was a hardship with my financial situation. That was a big part of my procrastination, when I knew where the forms were.

    It is done. They are off my back for another month, and I made a small payment as well.

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 2:49pm

  660. 660: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Mel – and others interested in hormonal balancing –

    I forgot to mention T-tapp.com It’s an amazing movement sequence I’ve been doing and there are short movements such as Ladybugs particularly for balancing hormones (the whole basic t-tapp movement routine does also) before menstruation or at menopause.

    There’s lots of success stories of women who’se menstrual pains, irregularities, and other issues got alleviated… sometimes even as a surprising side effect when their focus on the movements were for other goals.

    It works most powerfully hormonally when taking the supplement of Alfalfa they have at the T-tapp store

    These T-tapp movements are very easy time wise and really really powerful. I feel a rising energy all the way up through me whenever I think how happy I am to know about this in my life.

    Another practice that would help is Qi Gong Deer Exercise for Women.

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 2:52pm

  661. 661: RadloveNo Gravatar says:


    583 – Would you like to hire a professional technical writer for a few hours this evening? :-) (moi)

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 2:52pm

  662. 662: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    this article is about a lady who is about Health at Every Size… this article –

    The Communication felt so inspring. For one, because I have somewhat of a phobia asking for things, in a ‘professional’ setting, that is, I feel tightened up even asking for a different piece of meat at the deli for example

    the way she communicates here is all about her… and also, the way she uses Surrender Speak to give responsibility to the other person feels so inspiring to me. I fele like crying because I want to be able to do this and nwo Im crying,… I don’t wantt o keep feeling terrified the way I have been… waaah

    I want to heal this

    Asking For It
    Reader Dayna asked me “Would you please address what to do when you’re making appointments for stuff? Like, when do we tell the person at the (doctor’s office, spa, conference center, realtor) that we’re fat and might need accommodations?” I’m happy to! My post yesterday talked about getting okay with being accommodated. Today we’ll talk about how to ask for the accommodations that you need/want.

    For me there are three basic principles to remember:

    I have every right to be accommodated, it’s not “special treatment”, it’s what the business should do to earn my money
    I cannot control the reaction of the person I are asking
    I can make decisions for me
    There is a process that I go through that includes some or all of these steps depending on the situation and how much I know about what I need.

    State that I am fat
    Ask for what I need
    Ask if there are other concerns that I haven’t thought about
    Put the responsibility on them (I often ask some version of “Was [your business] created with a fat customer in mind?” If I don’t get the answer I’m looking for I often ask “What do you suggest to solve this problem?”)
    Let’s do some examples. I’m a big proponent of calling ahead whenever possible because I think that takes the stress off both the possible confrontation, and then when I’m traveling to whatever the thing is I’m not stressing out that it’s not going to work out or that I’m going to have to deal with drama. Some call ahead examples:

    If I am calling a restaurant I will say something like:

    “I’d like to eat at your restaurant and I am fat so I’m just calling to make sure that you have tables with chairs without arms that will work for me.”

    I almost always say that I’m fat because I consider it part of my activism but, as always, I’m just speaking for me. You may not want to do that at all and that’s completely cool. You could just call and say “Do you have tables with chairs without arms?”

    If I’m going for a massage I will say something like:

    “I would like to book a massage. I’m about 300 pounds so I want to make sure that you have tables that will be comfortable and sturdy for me. I also want to make sure that I get a massage therapist who is completely comfortable and enthusiastic about working with a fat person from a size positive perspective.”

    To me this one is super tricky and I would probably not go to a massage therapist who hadn’t been recommended as size positive except in an emergency. Regardless I would likely also talk to the therapist before we go back to the room and double the table and his/her enthusiasm because I’m damn sure not laying mostly naked on a table and letting someone put their hands on me until I am CERTAIN that the table will be comfortable and they are qualified to work with me.

    If I was going to a spa/resort etc:

    “I’m coming with my friends for a spa day. I’m very fat and so I want to make sure that your spa/resort has been created with a fat customer in mind. I’m specifically wondering about robes, massage tables, chairs for facial treatments and anything else that you can think of.” I might also just say “I’m considering coming to your spa and I’m very fat and so I want to make sure that your spa has been planned with a fat customer in mind. Can you share with me how you accommodate your customers of size?”

    The doctor’s office I covered here.

    So let’s talk a bit about how to deal with things that come up in real time, when you can’t call ahead. You go to an office meeting and find out that there are no chairs that fit you, your friends throw a surprise birthday lunch at a restaurant full of booths etc.

    You’ll have to evaluate the situation and decide what you want to do. For some people the discomfort of sitting on the edge of a chair that doesn’t fit them is much less uncomfortable than asking for a chair that works for them. Some people get excited about this as an opportunity for activism. It’s all up to you, remember that you shouldn’t have to do this – you did nothing wrong and you have every right in the world to exist in the exact body you have. When confronted I would suggest asking for exactly what you need and putting the onus on them.

    So let’s say you get to the concert, movie, sports event etc. and find out that there aren’t any chairs that fit you. Find an employee and say, with great confidence “I need a chair that works for me.” If they push back consider something like “I paid for a ticket just like everyone else here – they all have a seat that fits them and I’m just asking for the same thing.”

    If you are told that you can’t have what you want I would suggest putting the responsibility on them, saying something like “What do you suggest we do about this?” or “How do you want to fix it?” If it goes terribly wrong I try to remember that I am not the jackass whisperer, and if it is at all possible I take my money somewhere else.

    For me an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of drama so when I think about my schedule I try to anticipate and issues and call ahead. For me asking for accommodation is another way to honor my body and everything that it does for me by requiring that it be accommodated and made comfortable.


    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 3:06pm

  663. 663: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    do you really think youll be able to talk like that?



    i suppose so

    i feel sad!

    i feel overwhelmed

    i want to cover and hide

    i dont want to try


    you cant make me

    i will put my head on my knees and go limp

    i cant deal

    i cant deal


    i dont want to

    i want to be left alone now

    i dont want to deal

    i cant deal

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 3:07pm

  664. 664: RadloveNo Gravatar says:


    582 – Radlove I think you might get some decent rump steaks out of me


    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 3:12pm

  665. 665: bloom-ingNo Gravatar says:

    mm i want to just ride on this…

    lauryn hill & ra digga

    we make moves in stage coaches
    ra digga likes the rxaches
    if anyone approaches we be like noches, buenos
    then i compose a poem for the many gxn-slingers, r&b singers, perpetrating rhymes with 2 fingers

    my style is perhaps one of the foulest
    i inhale large clouds of smxke through my chalice
    buckin at stars, & write rhymes for hours
    a ghetto miss, drinkin whiskey sours : )

    bust this scenario: can’t no other nxggas in the barrio – from newark to ontario – take us when we in stereo. UH uh, cuz me & rashida ROCK the battle. it’s apparent you’re no talent cuz you’re BLAZIN in your saddle

    watch these rap bxtches get all up in your pockets
    then bounce with accountants that give me good stock tips. props is up, digga’s through the roof – burning nxggas like i’m 90-proof.

    and for all you head beaters – lead eaters – cheaters, soon to be retreaters – while mamacitas carry real heaters

    i rock the dxobie & L rocks the Nubian twists
    9-6 ! mxtherfxckers gettin dissed

    omg i just typed that all out from memory…… minus like 2 words i forgot in the 4th stanza.

    one time i submitted these lyrics as part of a creative writing assignment & everyone in the class acted like this isn’t poetry. feel so rage-y remembering that & peace-ful knowing that i decided it is : )

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 3:15pm

  666. 666: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    What do you suggest to solve this problem?

    Can you share with me how you grow and feed your animals?

    I need a chair that works for me.

    What do you suggest we do about this?

    How do you want to fix it?

    I need a ticket that works for me.

    I need a time that works for me. What do you suggest we do about this?

    How do you want to fix it?

    i feel so triggered and sad just thinking of having to ask these thing

    I need an amount that works for me. What do you suggest to solve this problem?

    i feel terrified.



    AND I WILL FEEL … whatever that is

    that small feeling

    I hear you, and I don’t want to have my colleague/husband/partner exit the vehicle. I need to be treated according to my rights. What do you suggest we do about this?


    this feels too overhwhelming sad

    clearly I have some trauma im not clear yet on about this

    covering my face

    I hear you, and I need to feel comfortable fully using the entirety of our shared property. What do you suggest we do about this?

    i feel a bit uplifted, but also kinda sleepy and annoyed


    i feel amused writing that i feel annoyed

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 3:17pm

  667. 667: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    umm are you writing my ip address comment box?

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 3:18pm

  668. 668: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    wow all of us have lil markers of our browsers under our comments all of a sudden.

    i wonder if htats my ip address or if its the google chrome version

    if its the ip address it feels kinda scary

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 3:20pm

  669. 669: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    now the icons have disappeared but the writing of the browsers are still there

    feels kinda cool to see but also a lil bit offbalancing…

    is anyone else seeing that?

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 3:21pm

  670. 670: Rori RayeNo Gravatar says:

    Just testing :)

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 3:23pm

  671. 671: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    Here’s a cool article from Jonathon Aslay…


    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 3:27pm

  672. 672: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    Rori misses her website! LOL! I love you, Rori!

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 3:27pm

  673. 673: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    Is it fixed now, Daria?

    I can’t see anything like IP addresses under the comments….

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 3:30pm

  674. 674: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    ((((blooming)))) I would feel so ragey too

    i feel sad and ‘defeated’ under that too,

    unseen and also ‘in danger’ of being annihilated by

    refusal to see my soul?


    mm too triggering only ‘thinking’ not really going there right now

    also being pulled towards doing more tapping.

    also feeling panicked and ashamed also from posting that article because also I feel so much love for the HAES girl and i didn’t say that and I feel fear of ‘getting hurt’





    and actually i feel my baserock like a raised plateau under me

    and what if im always alone

    you always tell me im always alone!!

    well you are if you didn’t have what they think of as beauty like that girl said it keeps it impersonal

    rolls eyes

    wll i DO have it

    but if you didnt you would be alone

    i already AM alone


    rulls eyes

    this is a lie but it seems so real

    tap tap tap on it okay



    when i make healing i feel afraid the healing will get away and snowball out of my control and then BAM

    hit me with a hertzheimer reaction

    and tahts happens ALL THE TIME cuz i get so intense!

    and thats how people DIE!!!! and you know this and i feel scared

    i want it to be gentle gentle i don’t want to kill msyelf healing myself sigh

    is taht even possible you KNOW it is \\

    no its not necesarrily i say its not

    and i love all of you even tho i feelrun down and headachy kinda

    yeah so i just want to enjoy my healing, i dont want all this other stuff to start coming up for healing so im constantly feeling overwhelmed not getting to enjooy

    and i WANT to heal all and i don’t feel powerful enough

    i dont have the energy for it1!!!


    thats all lies i know but i feel tired

    but but but

    means sad sad sad powerless fear

    fear and weak weak feeling drained

    ((((drained feeling)))))

    i HATE feeling that apathy feeling

    i LOVE my hate
    i love my apathy feeling

    i can decide apathy feeling means AMAZINg stuff is coming for me

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 3:30pm

  675. 675: bloom-ingNo Gravatar says:


    my style is perhaps one of the foulest
    i inhale large clouds of smxke through my chalice
    buckin at stars, & write rhymes for hours
    a ghetto miss, drinkin whiskey sours : )

    bust this scenario: can’t no other nxggas in the barrio – from newark to ontario – take us when we in stereo. UH uh, cuz me & rashida ROCK the battle. it’s apparent you’re no talent cuz you’re BLAZIN in your saddle

    gives me the same feeling as this:

    & i was a child & she was a child in that kingdom by the sea
    but we loved with a love that was more than a love, i & my annabel lee
    with a love that the wing-ed seraphs in heaven coveted her & me

    & THIS was the reason, long ago, in a kingdom by the sea, a wind came out of a cloud by night, chilling my beautiful annabel lee so that her high-born kinsmen came & bore her away from me……

    or even that final “Ligeia !” ahhhhhhhh the whole world is like that – the whole universe is that beautiful

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 3:31pm

  676. 676: Butterfly wingsNo Gravatar says:

    TH and I went to gym last night and he had bought me a gift – a BBQ chicken! Rofl!!! AND it was 70% off the retail price!

    Oh the romance….! 😉

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 3:31pm

  677. 677: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    April Rose – yes its all gone now…

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 3:32pm

  678. 678: Goddess LilyNo Gravatar says:

    Using the Out the Window tool, I decided it would feel good to be on the outside of the window. Now I’m at the mall outdoor fountain studying and people watching. :-)

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 3:32pm

  679. 679: AnnieNo Gravatar says:

    FW, this is what I had said to me when in response to my words being misquoted and therefore the meaning of my words changed.

    “I didn’t post your words and instead paraphrased your general meaning ”

    This person did not paraphrase my meaning. She paraphrased my words and then put her own meaning to her own words. Not my meaning and not my words. They were different words so had a different meaning. And I don’t like having this done to me.

    What do you think?

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 3:33pm

  680. 680: Jonathon AslayNo Gravatar says:

    Hey Rori, Great to see ya, sending hugs.

    btw, Radlove, thank you for posting my latest blog. Sending you BIG hugs.


    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 3:36pm

  681. 681: SassyNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks, Turq! I feel happy I made some sense to you.

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 3:41pm

  682. 682: AnnieNo Gravatar says:

    FW “Your experience is your experience though and for future maybe I would work with them through letting them know I feel like they are changing my words from what I originally meant. ”

    I get this, I just feel irritated and it feel infuriating.
    I know I have no control over them doing this.
    I know they do this to others.
    And I especially then don’t like to be demaned to explain and justify what I haven’t even said.

    They then get irritated because in their eyes I have failed to justify to their satisfaction something that they believe I have said and meant.
    This is their false perception/belief and not real.

    So the compassionate thing I feel best to do for myself is to express my truth which and then disengage. As it felt pointless to do anything else.

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 3:47pm

  683. 683: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    ok i want a mantra for what i want in my dating life for right now

    im just gonna focus it on the short term cuz it seems to be pushing my long term, which ive been pretty good at imagining farther off

    ahhh i feel embarassed to want this

    ill just pretend im not gonna post it so i can get it out, then decide later if i will post it

    “im meeting cool ass important people that want to take me out take me to studios and out and about introduce me to their friends and make me part of their circle, no pressure on me”

    “im meeting fly ass men who treat me like they dont usually treat women in public, in front of their friends and everyone sees me and says whoa and they cater to me as a queen and thank me for being so fly and say i bring a unique feeling to their lives without me having to do anything”

    “im meeting fly ass men who want to give me money and help me financially and find me places to live, no pressure on me and no icky feelings or sexual demands, just cuz they recognize my soul and say someone like me should be treated well”


    i feel so embarassed to really be real about this part of myself

    im in the habit of ‘hiding’ me until im sure im with likeminded people

    i feel afraid of changing that

    i lvoe me and it feels fun to explore this

    “im meeting 4 or more fly men to have amazing sex with, no pressure or shame on me, and no drama, who take me out all the time and treat me fly in front of their friends and in front of mine, without getting all embarassed and knowing that im worth being treated like a queen, and who think it gives them more power to treat me that well in front of everyone especially when everyone is not used to seeing women being treated like that”


    this makes me smile and laugh!

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 3:52pm

  684. 684: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    thanks for sharing that Radlove and Jonathan. I felt inspired and am writing up mantras

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 3:54pm

  685. 685: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i just realized that this is gonna work for me!!!

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 3:54pm

  686. 686: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    “First off, what do you desire most?

    Second, What is standing in the way of what you desire?

    Once you do that, the third thing remove the limiting belief that is holding you back and choose a new belief.”

    Jonathon Aslay

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 3:57pm

  687. 687: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    “ou deserve to be treated with respect by everyone you ever meet, every minute of every day.

    Does that mean that everyone will treat you with respect? No.

    What is important is that you remember that the way they choose to behave and treat you is a reflection of them and not you. You do not have to let it affect your self-esteem or your standards for how people treat you.

    How you choose to deal with it is up to you, but I find it helpful to keep in mind that everyone deserves the same respect that I do. I notice that if I strive to treat others with respect all the time, even if they don’t seem to “deserve” it, I feel more empowered – and more in integrity – all the time. That makes it easier for me to insist that I be treated respectfully….”

    Reagan at Dances With Fat

    wow i’m so digging this

    even though im afraid i will be left stranded by men when we’re out if i insist on this (?????) wow hello fear…

    im actually willing to be stranded! (and call my mom to get me, seemingly awful in the moment but in a lifetime scheme not a big deal)

    i can handle it!


    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 4:03pm

  688. 688: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    ((( Jonathon )))

    680 – You’re welcome! Hugs back at ya!

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 4:24pm

  689. 689: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i don’t have to lower my standards for how i want to be treated just cuz i have the impression that people won’t meet them

    yay! than that makes me super attractive too!

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 4:25pm

  690. 690: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    Ok, I’ll make an attempt at positivity…

    My Mantra

    What I desire most is to be a wife and a mother. I want to be with a man who is deep spiritually, intellectually, psychologically, emotionally, and basically attractive physically. I want to be treated like a princess, with 100% giving and 100% giving. I want an emotionally intimate relationship where my feelings are cared for and considered. I want to know and be known at the deepest level.

    What is holding me back from that is my emotional distress, chronic loneliness and pain. Baby steps to do the things I need to do is my way out.

    I choose to believe that I feel joyful and fulfilled, and can therefore function to keep my life afloat as a single, and even to enjoy life as a single.

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 4:38pm

  691. 691: SassyNo Gravatar says:


    If your mom ends up not staying with you, have you considered having a roommate?

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 5:27pm

  692. 692: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Blooming – ur huge goddess tool is REALLY bringing a new level of Lean Back into my life

    im not wanting to scare the men where before i wasn’t ‘seeing’ that and my answers weren’t as deep or self centered….

    thank u mucho

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 5:30pm

  693. 693: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    so happy gonna read my new mantras now :) yay

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 5:38pm

  694. 694: BrandylionNo Gravatar says:

    BW, #653: Thanks for the info about the Billings Method! I bought a book about Natural Family Planning toward the end of my relationship with PriestCD, and I didn’t think I could do without contraception. But what I’m realizing is that I felt turned off by the rhetoric about sex in the book. I feel curious–and did back in March when I read it– and excited to understand my body better.

    The rules for the Billings Method seem more…lax… If you don’t mind answering, during the fertile part of your cycle, do you really go without *any* kind of physical contact that results in arousal? The NFP book said that that is absolutely necessary in order to get accurate mucus readings, and even suggested using that two weeks-ish span of time to cultivate hobbies and catch up on reading (as a very sexual woman, I felt offended by that suggestion, truth be told). “Early Day Rule #3″ says to go without intercourse, but doesn’t say foreplay activities are off-limits…it would seem to make sense that they should be, though, because it’s the vaginal lubrication mixing with the cervical mucus and giving an inaccurate reading that’s the issue…I feel SO SAD and terrified of the idea of having to go for weeks at a time with minimal physical contact (my primary love language) with my future husband if I ever wanted to use this!

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 5:38pm

  695. 695: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    and this one guy on pof is making me laugh :)

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 5:39pm

  696. 696: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Brandylion – i noticed your comment and for me, no absolutely don’t need to avoid arousal to determine mucuous reading

    my ovulation mucous is quite obviously different from the wetness at other times… its like a glossy clear shimmery gloopy substance

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 5:41pm

  697. 697: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    oh my i feel really concerned and sad hearing about that book instructing that :( i feel my hart getting small

    i feel… shame?

    i feel small and no feel goody

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 5:43pm

  698. 698: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    it is kinda different from vaginal lubrication… it wouldnt quite ‘mix’… personally i can tell the difference quite easily

    smh. feeling tightened up

    fear concern

    more fear






    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 5:46pm

  699. 699: BelleNo Gravatar says:

    I feel quiet and calm and receptive reading this post.
    I feel confident and in charge and beautiful and amazing and all goddessy when I do,
    and sometimes I don’t :) I feel a sigh and a little smile of appreciation for your perception of me!

    If truth be told, those stone walls had catapults sitting on top and knives and swords protruding from the stone.
    I put my lover T through so much when we were first together…he’s SO objective about it now it’s amazing. It was with him that I understood that someone can love me with all of their heart but when I wasn’t believing I deserved it, I ripped people to shreds for having the GALL to love me.

    I just picked up a notebook by my bed and noticed I had written a few weeks ago, “Release the need for him to be speechless”, so apparently I’ve touched on this subject before and gone in a spiral, a little deeper this time!
    Sheesh, how about, “release the need for him (whoever!) to be unavailable”?
    Wouldn’t THAT be something? :)

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 5:50pm

  700. 700: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    Radlove- 672 – it’s not really rori; it’s her webmaster messing with things. I lost all comments for awhile.


    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 5:53pm

  701. 701: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i feel giddy leanback is so working to bring the best behavior out of these men

    AND i notice now im more clear when i feel icky reading some profiles… i used to think something was wrong with me and that i didnt like ‘nice’ guys, but now im realizing i didn’t like them cuz they had a passive feminine vibe, not cuz they were ‘nice’

    theres lots of ‘nice’ yet masculine guys that i Do like!

    that being said, i feel fear that im not totallly expanding my openess

    i havent done the internet meet here this year

    And. im responding mostly to guys i find kinda attractive

    i havent responded to too many that are way out different for me, which i noticed improved my ‘range’ of what i found attractive in the past and it might expand me


    i intend to pick a candidate for this and respond to him

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 5:57pm

  702. 702: RadloveNo Gravatar says:


    691 – I am open to having a housemate. But my mom and I are still planning to live together. i just need to move to a more handicap accessible house.

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 6:01pm

  703. 703: RadloveNo Gravatar says:


    i figured that. i just thought it was fun to think about Rori in France, missing her blog and her Sirens. LOL. I love you, too, Dominique! <3

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 6:03pm

  704. 704: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    ok i answered some more guys

    not quite that one that is way out there for me

    im gonna answer him!

    SO not ‘my type’ lol

    i just answerd him tho

    i fel intimidated aroudn ‘these people’ wow hello mind judgement !

    i feel afraid im going to be judged and feel uncomfortable, humiliated and ashamed, maybe secretly rageful, and not seen, not ‘got’ or worshipped or loved, small, maybe less than or better than and disconnected

    i love my feelings!

    i love my fears

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 6:04pm

  705. 705: RadloveNo Gravatar says:


    i sent you an email.

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 6:04pm

  706. 706: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    hello id like an indigenous lifestyle loving, woman worshipping man who wants to provide me with nourishment and massages and help me figure out how we’re going to make healing ecstatic love while im nursing our 4 babies

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 6:09pm

  707. 707: ViNo Gravatar says:

    Goddess Lily, Daria thank you.

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 6:11pm

  708. 708: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    why are the words indigenous and indigent so similar

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 6:12pm

  709. 709: ViNo Gravatar says:

    Today I feel more open … less judgemental of myself … and I feel as if I shook off some of my ‘dead’ cells .. And those walls kinda melted into boundaries … ((((walls)))) (((((boundaries))))) and they feel not so isolating and scary anymore … I feel safer.. and also when I woke up this morning I remembered an episode with my fam. that recurred in my head over and over again for the last 2-3 years and felt ‘unresolved’ and I usually felt embarrased and numb around these memories and this time I felt rage! woohoo!! My rage voice felt pretty squeaky and small :-) hehe .. YAY! I feel happy to have it in my life :-) it takes care of my safety, it stands up for my boundaries! I feel more capable to take care of me and those beside me… hehe

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 6:14pm

  710. 710: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i wonder if i can add that to my profile i feel scared in a thrilled way which indicates its a good idea AND that it will happen soon hehe!

    profile makeover

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 6:15pm

  711. 711: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    yay Vi!

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 6:17pm

  712. 712: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i feel a lil down after i told this one guy i felt defensive and a bit sad about something then he SEEMED to me to get defensive mmm

    i feel a bit sad as i was feeling good earlier engaging with him


    feeling a lil sad now i love my sadness

    i can handle this

    yes and also im here for me

    and i feel open to feeling this sadness fully

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 6:19pm

  713. 713: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i went back to see if he wrote again and now he hasnt

    mmmf :(

    ok that was a lil bit out of panic so

    actually these feelings got all stirred up in me so

    i can just be here with my feelings

    and remember EXCITEMENT!

    yes im FEELING!

    thats awesome!!!

    yay that means im healing and growing!

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 6:21pm

  714. 714: ViNo Gravatar says:

    Femininewoman, here is the site that I think describes what Feldenkrrais method best of all: http://www.flowingbody.com/felden.htm . Rory mentioned Feldenkrais in her posts several times that’s how I came to try it. Usually I go to Awareness through Movement class, and yesterday it was one-on-one Functional Integration session with my practitioner.
    On the group classes we make tiny slow movements (baby steps) and rest a lot and observe feelings in the body and sensations and compare …. and we are also reminded not to judge what and how we are doing but focus on the body. I feel very good after classes, I feel calm and compassionate and feel like hugging the whole world. And I notice some old issues releasing … though sometimes I judge and doubt that and think “it may be just a coincidence”…

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 6:33pm

  715. 715: ViNo Gravatar says:

    :-) Daria

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 6:33pm

  716. 716: forest sirenNo Gravatar says:

    Daria have you been to burning man?

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 6:38pm

  717. 717: forest sirenNo Gravatar says:

    Ho blooming I love the way you express yourself .

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 6:38pm

  718. 718: forest sirenNo Gravatar says:

    Ruth im an earth sign too!

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 6:39pm

  719. 719: forest sirenNo Gravatar says:

    Oh dear that was hi blooming not ho blooming!

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 6:39pm

  720. 720: forest sirenNo Gravatar says:

    I had a great evening with Lionman! Yay! Leaning back works! I made it hard for him and he stepped up some and came to me and we had a great evening. I stood in the stance with palms out its hard feels awkward.

    I used the word feel a lot and talked about me. I did lean forward twice it’s like I get pulled into it but I can see it and hopefully next time I won’t do that.

    It was totally worth the wait of not calling sitting back and waiting for him to pick up the oars. I feel so happy and smiley.

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 6:45pm

  721. 721: BelleNo Gravatar says:

    When You Can Endure

    When the words stop
    And you can endure the silence
    That reveals your heart’s pain
    of emptiness
    Or that great wrenching-sweet longing,
    That is the time to try and listen
    To what the Beloved’s
    Most want

    from, The Gift

    I’ve been contemplating this poem today.
    It stood out for me because I’ve been craving stopping during the day to breathe and focus on feeling my heart beat.
    I’m feeling more at ease and relaxed with myself.
    I’m thinking that…the relationship my heart desires is a loving relationship with ME and a loving relationship with life itself.

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 6:51pm

  722. 722: BrandylionNo Gravatar says:

    Daria, yeah. The rhetoric around sex and its role in a marriage in that book made me feel tight and sad and heart-heavy. I read the book literally the same weekend he dumped me, but I wish I’d explored other options for no-artificial-contraception plans and discussed those with him; a scientifically- or medically-based plan that discussed only the science and not the religion would have been an easier pill for me to swallow (no pun intended). We might have proven not to be so far apart after all, and he might have seen a way forward. (Meh. He wasn’t *hearing* my fears and concerns, and was just sticking to dogma instead of engaging me in dialogue.) But if we’d stayed together, I might not have had to confront some of my own fears and beliefs around sex and pregnancy and I might not right now be feeling open to not using contraceptives with my future husband!

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 6:54pm

  723. 723: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks Vi.

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 7:04pm

  724. 724: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Annie I see why you feel the way you do with that group. I guess it must be draining to keep going round in circles with them.

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 7:10pm

  725. 725: TereanaNo Gravatar says:

    SA I felt really happy and giddy for you, Reading your post in 489. Whether its M or someone else, it doesn’t matter. It’s totally true, and it’s happening! :-)

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 7:14pm

  726. 726: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    i realized a big reason i stay up late is because i dread bedtime, because it feels so lonely going to bed alone night after night.

    good night?

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 7:32pm

  727. 727: ViNo Gravatar says:


    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 7:41pm

  728. 728: Butterfly wingsNo Gravatar says:

    694 Brandylion – physical contact is perfectly fine, even when fertile. You just don’t want his willy getting in there if you don’t want to fall pregnant. 😉

    I became extremely good at reading my body when I started using this method, right down to feeling when my ovary had released an egg!

    My body is still not back to normal but I think this month I’ve read things correctly – I’ll know for sure in a week.

    There’s a book I read a long time ago on this topic and it was very informative.

    So yeah. You can have all the stimulation you want, no matter what TOM it is! :)

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 7:56pm

  729. 729: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks Vi,

    Still haven’t gone to bed.

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 8:13pm

  730. 730: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    Butterfly Wings,

    That’s amazing how you know your body so well!

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 8:15pm

  731. 731: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    Fw 115
    I had a terrible craving for sugar today and I found myself buying orange juice and chocolate and eating in the car on way home from work. I immediately felt better whereas earlier I felt faint and so lethargic. All the while I was doing that I was aware how much sugar I was inhaling but I could not It stop myself.
    Feels bad to think about it.
    I’m not very overweight but I could lose a few pounds.
    At any rate I want to heal this behavior it disturbs me.

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 8:23pm

  732. 732: Butterfly wingsNo Gravatar says:

    All it took was practise Radlove! 😉

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 8:24pm

  733. 733: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    I used to get that way with cigarettes. I would buy them and smoke on the way home from work.
    Maybe a stress coping mechanism.?
    Hmm I feel curious about this part of myself.

    Radlove I know what you mean about not wanting to go to bed. I try to make it fun and cozy like making tea and put on my nightstand and them I fall asleep to the tv or radio even tho experts say not to do that. It works for me.

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 8:28pm

  734. 734: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    I also like to spend a lot of time before bed doing beauty stuff cuz it makes me feel good and like I’m being taken care of by me :-)
    I put lotion on, wash my face, pluck brows, pick out clothes for next day, write a wish list, bucket list or work on my vision board even!

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 8:39pm

  735. 735: RadloveNo Gravatar says:


    That is so healthy! I feel too sad to do those things. I just curl up and cuddle with my dogs. I will try to gather the emotional energy to make it more pleasant.

    I need more joy and companionship in my life.

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 8:50pm

  736. 736: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    Aww Radlove I feels so sad to hear that. I Feel that when we step away from toxic friends we allow good ones, new ones! …to come into our lives!

    Also I wonder If it would feel good to join a group? I mentioned before going to CoDA and I’m mentioning it again only because I know there is a supportive compassionate type of people that are part of it !!!!

    And it feels good and empowering to be part of a group!!!!
    You have so much to give! You are sweet and generous!!

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 8:58pm

  737. 737: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    Also Radlove there are nights when I feel so sad but I still do my beauty treatment and sometimes I play music that makes me feel god while I’m getting ready for bed. I find a lot I comfort in routine especially routine where I am caring for myself … Things seem to start turning around in a good way…

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 9:02pm

  738. 738: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Sirens,

    Daria, thanks for sharing that. I’ve been feeling mostly in the soup all day. Mr. C. wanted me to come over, and I was a little worried it could be for a negative reason (like to say this friendship wasn’t working for him, or he’s still feeling judged or pressured) but I went and it wasn’t that at all. He had some great news about work and was really happy to share it all with me. I tried to be in the moment and look/sound happy, but he picked up right away that I wasn’t my same bubbly self. At first I said I didn’t reall want to talk about it, but he kept trying to figure it out, asked if adding checkou options on my website would make me happy, asked what he could do to make me feel better, so I shared that it wasn’t about money or anything like that, it was about relationships. He replied that he thinks I think about that too much…. but listened. I said that I had started thinking about what I really wanted, and that I’m not normally a looking far ahead person (and he said maybe that works better for me, he’s always worried about things) and I said, but as he’s stated about himself, I’m not getting any younger and relized it may not happen for me. H asked why I want it, that most of the stress in his life has been because of relationships, so wasn’t something he was thinking at all about for himself, was curious as to why I’d want that. He asked questions, wanting to know if I missed feeling in love, and that someone loved me, wanting specific answers. Then he said, let’s both be single and stay together forever. He thinks without the stress and expectations that come with relationships, we have a good situation. I said I want more than that, do want the sex and intimacy and future plans with someone. (I wasn’t isinuating that I want them from him) He seemed kinda surprised, said… I’m saying forever…. and what we have isn’t enough? Don’t I like what we have? I said that I love what we have and wouldn’t want to lose him, but I want those other things too. He asked if I’d scrifice “us” for more. And I said I didn’t know. I’d want both.
    The conversation went on a little longer, but at one point I said that he’s been single 3 months, I’ve been single for 7 years, he dosn’t understand how it feels. It’s not the same thing. At that point, my voice cracked and a few tears spilled out. He came overto where I was sitting, told me to stand up and hugged me. He said everything will be ok. When I left, I went to the door and he said, don’t you want a hug? I think that’s the first time you tried to leave without one. It’s not, but interesting he noticed it. When I gave him one, he asked if I was weaning myself from his hugs. I said, yeah maybe. He asked if I was tired of his one arm hugs (was only like that in the very beginning) and I said, it’s like a tease, I want more than hugs. Not necessarily from you, but it makes me think about it more. He made some joke about me being “bad”.

    Before we got into all that, he made a few comments about it feeling like such a long time since we saw each other, kept asking how I was, what was new… I just saw him 2 days ago. When I said that, he said, I know… but I”m used to seeing you every day. I said he’s been so busy, lots happening in his life, maybe felt that way because of so much going on… and with school, we don’t have our late summer nights. He said we could still do that, but the reality is we both have kids, not really possible very often.

    Well, he came over later to visit, asked if he could… and with kids doing homework, his baby being wide awake and full of energy, a football game on… and then talking about some stuff with his ex, which a comment I made triggered him, it didn’t feel close or connected. We did talk through the trigger and I shared some worries I have with my own ex, that the situation reminded me of.

    But here was the interesting part….. when he was leaving he said, “ok, I feel like I know you again. I got to spend some time with you, not used to this.” I was half joking and asked if he’d missed me and he said “yes, I have missed you.” with emphasis on the have.

    That felt nice. I guess it’s true, when you shift your vibe and focus from them, they do feel the difference. Ever since I started thinking about what I really want, it made it even more clear, that Mr. C. isn’t the one, or at least it’s not going to happen anytime soon and I started thinking about dating a lot, meeting someone by Christmas… I know, happens when you aren’t looking, not having expectations, but these were just my thoughts.

    I’ll see him tomorrow night. I hope I’m feeling better and can enjoy the time together.

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 9:33pm

  739. 739: TereanaNo Gravatar says:

    Hm, ladies, I feel strong about this. And even though it might not seem “sireny” to you, it feels pretty sireny to me.

    Last night, tbf and I had a “talk,” like I said. He said he wanted to keep seeing me. I said I “wanted to see how things went.” but even then, and all day today, I knew that wasn’t quite true for me. Actually, I didn’t care. I knew how I felt, exactly. I knew that that “touch” wasn’t right, and that’s important to me.

    I don’t know. Maybe “chemistry” is more important than I give it credit for. I think I was brought up with the belief that that was a negligible part of relationship. Or that, if everything else is good, then the physical aspect will be good as well. And I think sometimes that happens, but not always. And can’t a physical dissonance be an indication of something deeper that isn’t right?

    That’s how I tend to look at it anyway.

    Jonathon Aslay gives “chemistry” as the first of his “five C’s.” so I guess it’s pretty important. And he’s a guy. So I think it is obvious that it’s important for most guys, but maybe, as women, we are willing to overlook that for “relationship.”

    Having vman around made me realize that chemistry is actually important – maybe in general, maybe just for me. But it’s important, and I shouldn’t ignore it.

    But I’m not feeling guilty. I didn’t end it with tbf out of fear – I checked myself for that. And I didn’t leave him for vman either. I’ve made sure of it, and thats true.

    I haven’t heard back from vman in several hours, and that’s fine. I have no stake in that. We tried it. And even though it’s really sexy with him, all the same issues still persist. So there’s no sense in me really pursuing that. Unless it feels really different and right to me. Which it sort of does and sort of doesn’t right now. But I have no expectations of what might happen. Only openness to what comes up.

    And that feels like a good place to be.

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 9:37pm

  740. 740: TereanaNo Gravatar says:

    So, I thought I was done, but one more check-I’m before I go to bed.

    I think one of the major things that I’ve felt coming up for me is the idea of me choosing my own suffering. Suffering is mandatory. And specifically, worrying.

    My mom used to worry like it was her job. Literally. She would always say, “I’m your mom. It’s my job to worry.” etc. and I would get kind of annoyed, like, no, actually it’s not. But that is what she believed was true.

    So then I catch myself. When I feel “worried” that vman might not write me back, I try to pacify myself. He’s always written me back so far. He’s probably in a meeting or out with friends. He’ll get back to me in time.

    In fact, he disappeared for months, after breaking up with me, and he’s still written me back.

    So, in all, I have nothing to worry about. Even if he never write me back, I still wouldn’t worry, because I have myself. I have my friends. I have my life. And it feels good.

    I have no expectations of him, or anything else.

    Whatever it is, it will be a surprise.

    <3 to me :-) xoxo


    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 11:08pm

  741. 741: RadloveNo Gravatar says:


    736 – Thanks! i am a part of a group at my church, and part of my current loneliness is that it is two hours away, and i can only get there when i have gas money. I haven’t made much effort to plug into a church locally, because i have intended to move back pretty much ever since i moved here last november.

    So right now i am trying to deal with my crisis and don’t have much time for extra stuff. But yeah, if i am unable to afford to move back, i will start to look for groups and churches in this area. Just felt overwhelmed lately.

    One good thing is i found a new friend in this area about 6 weeks ago, and so now i finally have someone local i can hang out with.

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 11:21pm

  742. 742: RadloveNo Gravatar says:


    737 – i play the delilah show on my computer and radio a lot…even on my phone when i am out. i find a lot of comfort in her familiar, sweet voice, and i love the love songs she plays.

    Routine is essential, and it is most definitely missing in my life. i was raised without a lot of structure, and i really don’t know how to live an adult life. i don’t have good habits and routines built. my life is helter skelter.

    i am not really sure where to start. i try to write myself schedules, but i never stick to them.

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 11:24pm

  743. 743: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    i feel bitingly lonely. God said it is not good for people to be alone.

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 11:27pm

  744. 744: RadloveNo Gravatar says:


    739 – i believe chemistry is important too.

    Sounds like you are in a healthy place!

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 11:29pm

  745. 745: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Forest Siren, it feels good to read about lionman and you and using the tools and him stepping up.

    I love success stories.

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 11:46pm

  746. 746: Jonathon AslayNo Gravatar says:

    Just jumping in for a second, chemistry along with communication, compatibility, character and continuity are all equally important. It all matters for creating a successful relationship. Chemistry is first because in many cases it’s the first indication of mutual attraction. Intense chemistry often and rarely works out in the long run. Having an equal balance of what I call the 5 C’s is what seems to work for most happy successful relationships.

    Gotta run Sirens, thank you.

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 11:47pm

  747. 747: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Radlove, I am sorry you feel lonely. I also feel lonely a lot and really miss having someone special in my life…it’s been many years.
    Still, I believe it will happen (for all of us)..sometimes I lose faith sadly. But even then I think: ‘so what, if he doesn’t show up, I will have a good life too’
    But as you said, I agree that people should not go through this life alone and I was mightily triggered actually. Germany is very traditional and they conducted a questionnair about ‘what makes one happy’, and of course having a relationship is somewhere right by the top…and then (this was in the news, which I believe shouldn’t act so biased) they showed a picture of a catalogue ‘happy couple’ and said: ‘and we all agree that the ultimate happiness is sharing happiness with someone’.

    I actually shed a tear and had to think of all the millions of Germans watching the nightly news, those millions who were alone, widowed, old and alone, had jusy broken up, were just going through a divorce…all those millions of people, who like me sat home alone watching this and were now wondering ‘so what is wrong with me’.
    I was actually angry with the producers, and I wouldn’t be surprised really if some poor soul got tipped over the edge by that.

    I believe they could have showed also an old person alone with a little doggie, or a single mum with kids – just to get a balance. It was awful and so typical of this mentality here. Variety is not welcomed and we all have to live by an ‘ideal’ which is the family.
    I shall be glad to leave.

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 11:53pm

  748. 748: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Oh I liked that:
    ‘chemistry along with communication, compatibility, character and continuity’ …and when you have all that, yet the ‘c’ of committment is missing?
    That is the problem in my case. How can that ever work? Not really, ships passing in the night is not a good base.
    If it wasn’t so difficult finding someone with all those C’s, who feels the same way about you, life would be so much easier. Unfortunately these are things you can’t buy in a shop or on a website…

    Thursday, 13 September 2012 @ 11:57pm

  749. 749: TamNo Gravatar says:

    And now I want to say something that has triggered me as soon as I read the article above. Do you really think, when you have a man you love and he loves you, that it makes any difference how much sugar he consumes?
    Ok, so he is a gambler, murderer, robber, liar, cheat…but no, the poor soul just likes muffins and cookies? Big crime, isn’t it?!
    I find that totally ridiculous, actually.
    Unless of course he is obese and killing himself.
    I loved sugar too, no boyfriend ever commented on that, in fact they plied me with more sugary things.
    Acceptance, acceptance, acceptance. What’s wrong with taking people as they are (within limits and boundaries of course)??

    Friday, 14 September 2012 @ 12:00am

  750. 750: TamNo Gravatar says:

    I am sorry for spamming sirens, but to come back to my conundrum, I do feel increasingly hopeless that things can work out with MrP, he has just signed up to something else to do with his move and learning the language/networking in the country (I saw that by chance on fb – a friend’s page)…and really, he is leaving. Even if he now did step up, I realise it would only be for a ‘limited time’, and all it will do is stop me from moving on and being open to other men. Got to be realistic.
    I did refrain from sending him the no-friends speech yesterday, but honestly speaking, I do still somewhat believe it would be in my best interests to let him go fully. I don’t want to hope that he changes his mind, and I know him well enough to know he will do what he wants and even when he was in a committed relationship (which we don’t even have), it has never been a priority of his, he will still do his own thing..he is a (self-confessed) loner.
    So who am I kidding. Staying open and welcoming, is that going to serve me? Or will it serve him, to have an open and welcoming ‘friend’ he likes to converse with, cuddle with and spend time with….and when he’s off, he’ll be off regardless – and I will be alone again, and missed to opportunity to make connections with others. It is somewhat unrealistic to use him as a CD, yes I could try, but he does try to monopolise my time actually, when I am there. He books me up sometimes for weekends at a time…urgh, Sirens, it is not just my fear speaking, but also my self-protection gene. I have been there a few times already with this guy.
    I simply don’t know. :(
    I spoke to my best friend, she is a psychologist and has followed this saga for two years too, all she has said is that I need to look after myself because he is a very scarred man and she thinks without a therapy he is not able to form a healthy attachment (the issues). She is worried about the fact he clings and runs, and she said this is unlikely to change, as that is a childhood issue…. She believes I must absolutely speak/write to him and lay down the boundaries, as in tell him how I feel and how I feel about him and let it go.
    She also believes my fear is not just about my issues but based on the reality of the situation, as it has caused me a lot of pain already.
    I don’t know.
    The more I see how all he is focusing on is the move, the more I want to step back further. I have been leaning back totally – which is why he is pursuing me and keeps asking for the date when I am back. For me this is not real, more like a competition ‘I’ll get her, nobody else’…and then when he ‘has me’ he gets scared. Same story every time.
    Perhaps it is time to not be open anymore.
    Perhaps I can wait till I see him to talk about it, but I feel weak when I see him.
    I have all these CD’s too….and I need to put some effort into meeting them also.
    In a word, I feel he is holding me

    Friday, 14 September 2012 @ 12:24am

  751. 751: TamNo Gravatar says:

    holding me back

    Friday, 14 September 2012 @ 12:33am

  752. 752: R.N.AmazingMeNo Gravatar says:

    I wish I could care about dating, sure I miss that cuddle, warm body next to you, the caring heart, but it’s so hard to find a man of his word and actions. I gave up didn’t think I wanted to give up but I am just over all of it.

    Friday, 14 September 2012 @ 12:39am

  753. 753: TamNo Gravatar says:

    RN Amazing – I feel the same sometimes, just haven’t had any positive results and tired of it all. Plenty of men that I don’t want, triggering me left right and center either with no brain or strangeties..the ones I do like either poof or put me through the mill.
    Fed up also.

    Friday, 14 September 2012 @ 12:41am

  754. 754: TamNo Gravatar says:

    I just had this as my motivational quote by email this morning, can it be any more of a pointer?

    ‘If it’s control you want, telling the truth puts you in
    total control. Ever think of that?’

    Friday, 14 September 2012 @ 12:43am

  755. 755: R.N.AmazingMeNo Gravatar says:

    Tam….You know it’s actually healthy I feel to be at this point too. I have been like this for a lil while now and I have become more independent, love myself more, take care of me, and just could care less about a man making me happy. I found it inside of me and it’s great, I always felt I needed a man to be happy! Ha….glad to be wrong. Sure you miss things, but no reason to sit and dwell or cry or feel sorry for ourselves right!! That sure wont get us a date so as corny as it seems what I do is just take care of me and work being a goddess, siren, and when people come in contact with me I want to leave the impression, wow…she is pretty amazing!

    Friday, 14 September 2012 @ 12:48am

  756. 756: R.N.AmazingMeNo Gravatar says:

    I agree @754, telling the truth is respectful and admirable. Makes you feel connections with others when your true to yourself and others. Lying ALWAYS catches up to you…..it’s not attractive. It is hard to do and it makes you look weak when someone knows your lying. I am not innocent, been there and done that. I am no saint but definately trying to be more open and honest in my relationships with everyone. Work in progress…

    Friday, 14 September 2012 @ 12:51am

  757. 757: TamNo Gravatar says:

    I like your vibe RN!! :)

    Friday, 14 September 2012 @ 12:57am

  758. 758: R.N.AmazingMeNo Gravatar says:

    Unfortunately life is a lesson so we cannot go back in time and change things but we sure can do our best to understand the lesson and use it for our future. I am actually going to admit I am a very angry and bitter woman when it comes to trusting men. I do not trust them nor do I even want to bother. I am trying more than anything to just be a better person and just let people see the real me. Never did that before, but now I trust myself more. It really changes all things in your life.

    Friday, 14 September 2012 @ 12:58am

  759. 759: R.N.AmazingMeNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks Tam your vibe helped me so likewise :)

    Friday, 14 September 2012 @ 12:59am

  760. 760: R.N.AmazingMeNo Gravatar says:

    I cannot sleep so spamming here….my dad is in the hospital, and mom is a mess on top of it. He had brain surgery 2 weeks ago so it’s pretty nerving. I just want to make it all better but i can’t all I can do is be there for them both…Prayer is good.

    Friday, 14 September 2012 @ 1:02am

  761. 761: R.N.AmazingMeNo Gravatar says:

    The crazy thing is I have lots of clothes to fold and things I could be doing but it feels good to vent.

    Friday, 14 September 2012 @ 1:04am

  762. 762: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Oh, hoping the best for your dad!!!!

    Friday, 14 September 2012 @ 1:05am

  763. 763: R.N.AmazingMeNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks Tam…you know I am listening to skyscraper by demi lovato and it really speaks to me. Life in general may try to tear you down, people may try to break you but if you stay strong you will be ok, you will only be taken down if you allow it. You can do what you choose as well as I can. It is if you decide to let it affect you in the end. You will remain the skyscraper because noone can take your strength and will unless you allow them. Powerful actually, you can try to tear me down but the best feeling of success is watching you in amazement that I am still standing tall.

    Friday, 14 September 2012 @ 1:22am

  764. 764: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Yay forest siren!

    Friday, 14 September 2012 @ 1:22am

  765. 765: SirenityNo Gravatar says:

    Butterfly Wings i am wondering what the TH “talk’ was about if it did eventuate !

    Friday, 14 September 2012 @ 1:35am

  766. 766: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Oh cripes. MrP and my common friend has just asked me to rent my Condo next year, and asked me how things are going for me and Florida.
    I just spewed out a whole paragraph as to how I am going back there and have no plan and will try to survive and when I can’t anymore and can’t get a visa to stay (which is likely), that I will break off all contact with all friends and everything there and move back to the UK. Well, that is actually my plan if all goes wrong but I do want to stay in the US if I can.

    Jeepers….I told him all my truth from the inside (of course no mention of MrP at all, I’d be silly, it would go straight back to him). I feel a bit sick now that I spewed my feelings, but he is a good guy and he understands, he is in a similar position as I am.

    I feel needy right now and tearful :(

    Friday, 14 September 2012 @ 1:37am

  767. 767: AnnieNo Gravatar says:

    OMG This feels really bad.
    Have just had this wriitten about me.
    “Do you really aim to re-educate a selfish childish dumb person that only takes care of what she’s feeling good or not, and trying only to have all the attention around her ? ”

    Ouch. OK!

    Friday, 14 September 2012 @ 1:38am

  768. 768: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Oh yes, BW, I feel curious to find out about the talk also!!

    Friday, 14 September 2012 @ 1:38am

  769. 769: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Oh, he was cute ‘our’ friend. He replied that if anyone was owed a little luck it would be me and he is hoping it will come my way. Aw. I feel smiley now.
    ((((my male friend)))

    Friday, 14 September 2012 @ 1:45am

  770. 770: TamNo Gravatar says:

    ((((Annie))) sounds like you triggered someone…

    Friday, 14 September 2012 @ 1:47am

  771. 771: R.N.AmazingMeNo Gravatar says:

    Annie yes that is pretty harsh…sorry for them that they are aiming to hurt you.

    Friday, 14 September 2012 @ 1:55am

  772. 772: TamNo Gravatar says:

    I believe the reason why I feel so anxious and freaking out is perhaps because I have been sending out the wrong message…’yes, sure I stay open, I will help you selling up and moving, and yes, we can talk about your moving etc’. Actually, that was inauthentic, wasn’t it?
    I should have said right from the beginning that it would feel bad to do any of that. I said I would do it (because I was looking forward to spending time with him), so in effect I helped to ‘spread’ the friendship vibe.
    And that is why I feel uncomfortable now because I do not want friendship. So I want to take it all back.

    Friday, 14 September 2012 @ 2:00am

  773. 773: AnnieNo Gravatar says:

    I feel shaken.
    At one time my reaction would have been to shoot my mouth of back and verbally tear them to shreds rather than face the pain.

    Gosh facing the pain does feel awful..

    I don’t know if to say I feel shaken or to say nothing ignore and take care of myself.

    Saying nothing sort of feels like condoning it.

    Friday, 14 September 2012 @ 2:03am

  774. 774: AnnieNo Gravatar says:

    I don’t know how to express that it felt violent as violent isn’t a feeling

    Any thoughts?

    Friday, 14 September 2012 @ 2:08am

  775. 775: TamNo Gravatar says:

    feeling..attacked, violated, angry, sad, shocked, scared??

    Friday, 14 September 2012 @ 2:12am

  776. 776: AnnieNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you Tam and Amazing Me. Expressed that now a few tears and a cup of tea to feel better.

    Friday, 14 September 2012 @ 2:23am

  777. 777: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    I feel shaken sounds authentic… what else are you feeling in your body… sensations? tightnesses?

    Friday, 14 September 2012 @ 2:24am

  778. 778: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Sirens, I just saw he has reduced all his advertised toys, to sell as soon as possible for his move.
    He might even sell the boats before I am there, and that was our shared passion. He doesn’t care, it’s almost that me saying ‘I feel happy he still has the boats’ made him reduce them to get rid of them quicker.
    I don’t see a point in investing anymore of anything into this, quite frankly.
    You were kind in letting me see all the options and keeping me on my track and telling me to remain open.
    I decided to go with my feelings and protect my heart. I feel bad ‘playing along’ and remaining open when he is focusing not on me, but on moving away.
    Honestly, he likes to have me around, but he won’t budge on this. I need to get back on my horse.
    I won’t be able to do it with him hanging over me like a cloud and chasing me when I get there.
    He is leaving, and I am not standing there smiling and being ‘happy for him’ when I feel sad.

    Friday, 14 September 2012 @ 2:24am

  779. 779: AnnieNo Gravatar says:

    Hugs Tam, re wanting more than friendship.

    Friday, 14 September 2012 @ 2:25am

  780. 780: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    ouch. just read what it was triggered by… id feel shocked and scared and humiliated… and grieved? deeply sad?

    thank you for sharing Annie, this is helping me express

    Friday, 14 September 2012 @ 2:26am

  781. 781: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    but that is all their stuff… i can practically hear their parents talking to them in that way, and their internalized voices getting triggered when they see someone taking care of themselves differently

    usually after some time ive noticed people grow and shift when at first they attack

    Friday, 14 September 2012 @ 2:28am

  782. 782: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Actually, I also feel angry. I feel angry that it’s only ever me who is looking after me. He knows exactly where I stand and yet he will run after me, empty handed. Nothing to offer.
    I feel angry and sad.

    Friday, 14 September 2012 @ 2:28am

  783. 783: TamNo Gravatar says:

    779 thank you Annie…for the hugs.

    Friday, 14 September 2012 @ 2:29am

  784. 784: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Tam – i would share that im feeling sad and distressed and i feel painful continuing to connect when a man is moving away from me

    Friday, 14 September 2012 @ 2:30am

  785. 785: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you Daria, I will do just that. Good choice of words. I feel dreadful continuing like this. I can’t do it anymore and I will walk away from this, as painful as it feels.

    Friday, 14 September 2012 @ 2:34am

  786. 786: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Emerson sugar cravings can be more than just bad behavior.

    Friday, 14 September 2012 @ 2:36am

  787. 787: AnnieNo Gravatar says:

    Now I feel confused.

    The response I have just had to i feel shaken and violently attacked is.

    Is so you are as others are by your feeling centered words.

    I don’t get this I feel confused.

    How is me expressing my feelings violently attacking another person.

    Any thoughts?

    Friday, 14 September 2012 @ 3:15am

  788. 788: AnnieNo Gravatar says:

    Today I am feeling like a stranger on the planet apart from here.

    Friday, 14 September 2012 @ 3:16am

  789. 789: forest sirenNo Gravatar says:

    ((((tam)))) … I think speaking your truth will give you freedom. Saying how sad you would feelhelping him pack to leave will mean he knows exactly where you stand. You could also tell him how happy certain things like boating or so ending time make you feel and you will miss not doing those things with him.

    I have always been honest with Lionman about how I feel about him. The area I struggle with with him is expressing the problems there are without him shutting down defensively he is ultra sensitive and cannot take any criticism no matter how gently it is presented and so it can’t be resolved so we dont move forward with those things but I have always told him how much I love him am in love with him. There is freedom in that for me.

    And I am absolutely committed now to not doing things that feel bad to me. I know you say you have intimacy issues as I do but we are willing to try it .. Is Mr P willing to try it do you think?

    Friday, 14 September 2012 @ 3:39am

  790. 790: forest sirenNo Gravatar says:

    Tam I also want to say what a compassionate soul you are to think of all the other people on their own watching the tv show!

    Yes we are fulfilled living with others. I have to say I like my own company and have lots of friends and family thankfully but we are meant to live with others I believe. Thankfully there are lots of communities and alternative families developing.

    Friday, 14 September 2012 @ 3:44am

  791. 791: DariaNo Gravatar says:


    i remember this happening to me when i first started using feeling messages

    I remember Rori asking if I’m saying those kinds of things to myself?

    then people on the outside act kind of as a mirror to say exactly the words that are really in my head and my energy field

    it was up to me to shift the pattern by just changing something about my response, (for me it was just not feeding into it and instead looking away from that while telling myself i loved myself)

    Friday, 14 September 2012 @ 3:46am

  792. 792: forest sirenNo Gravatar says:

    Radlove you did so great yesterday getting that paperwork done! I struggle with that kindof thing too but in my case it’s laziness. I love the change the room game and also fly lady’s 15 minute thing.

    Right now I have a walk in closet that is knee deep in clothes I can’t find anything be ause it’s all on the floor and it’s been like that for a week. Ugh. I am not motivated in the slightest to do it 😉

    Friday, 14 September 2012 @ 3:47am

  793. 793: forest sirenNo Gravatar says:

    Daria that was such a great description of how the internal/ external mirror works to Annie.

    I must be changing what I’m saying to myself because this weekend I get the chance to meet with an old friend. We had a falling out six years ago and she wrote to me this week to apologize for the way she behaved and that she missed me. Wow! And it happened because I said truthfully I would feel nervous about seeing her and would be afraid it would happen again.

    When Lionman acts like I’m not good enough for him the truth is as Rori says I hired him somehow to reflect back that part of me that believes that. What would be the quickest tool for that? Affirmations? EFT on that specific belief?

    Friday, 14 September 2012 @ 3:54am

  794. 794: TamNo Gravatar says:

    789 Forest Siren, that is exactly it, thank you for your response…it so so resonates. Is he willing to try it? I don’t know if he even can.
    He can’t express himself with words at all and is unwilling to even look at his feelings, I know that as he has told me. He is also extremely sensitive (as am I), and actually shy – covered up by anger.
    I feel helpless and hopeless and just tired of inflicting more pain on me at this stage.
    He knows how I feel and yet he stands empty handed….I know all this talk of helping him is him saying ‘I want to see you and I want to be with you’ but I feel so tired of analysing and interpreting his words. If he was not moving away, I’d most likely be inclined to see how it goes, because there would be some hope. But like this, there is zero hope and I have the feeling this is why he is coming on so strong. In the end he will do what he always does, he will say ‘let’s be friends instead, and I am moving anyway’.
    I just don’t want to hear it anymore.

    Friday, 14 September 2012 @ 3:58am

  795. 795: TamNo Gravatar says:

    He had 2 years to show me how he feels about me, and he has always let me slip through his hands when it came to the crunch, or even actively pushed me away. I don’t feel hope this is going to change.

    Friday, 14 September 2012 @ 4:03am

  796. 796: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Tam, I feel confused…. Are you moving to Florida to live in his place? Was his moving away what led you to go there? And he’s moving overseas or still in the states?

    Friday, 14 September 2012 @ 4:09am

  797. 797: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    I’m not sure what your specific situation is about, or what you shared to get that response, but I know for me, I have felt really blinded before, that what I say triggers someone else, and I find myself saying, but I didn’t mean it that way. The best thing has been talking it through, and that has gotten easier. It’s hard to think about it in another persons perspective all the time, or that quickly even, but I do forgive myself for that easily, because I’m trying.

    Friday, 14 September 2012 @ 4:13am

  798. 798: Goddess LilyNo Gravatar says:


    When I read that you say you have been “open” I feel that it sounds more like you have had expectations and hope for change. Open, to me, means that you don’t shut down your feelings. Aside from what he will or won’t do, can or can’t do with regards to the move, expectations will leave you disappointed. State your boundaries whenever you think is best and then be proud that you did…..and then let go of any expectation.

    Friday, 14 September 2012 @ 4:26am

  799. 799: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Turquoise, he is about to move away (from the States) and I am about to move there (to the States).

    Goddess..yes, I agree with that too. I have had no expectations but by staying open and him starting to pursue me more, I can see them coming back…and it’s just not serving me, especially as he is moving away. I need to be able to let him go even though he is pursuing me – it’s not easy.

    Friday, 14 September 2012 @ 4:33am

  800. 800: Goddess LilyNo Gravatar says:


    You aren’t alone. You have us! Spam/vent away!

    I find it interesting that you won’t sleep for feeling lonely. I often fall asleep to get away from my problems (not good either).

    I understand though. I felt really lonely yesterday. I just wanted to meet somebody new and try again but I have nobody. I layed in my bed and felt it for a while (too early to go to sleep) and then I realized I needed to get out of the house. I trekked out alone (scary for me, I hate doing anything alone) and I went to the mall fountain to people watch. I really enjoyed it. Doing it alone wasn’t that bad.

    Friday, 14 September 2012 @ 4:43am

  801. 801: Goddess LilyNo Gravatar says:

    Sometimes sugar cravings are the result of a vitamin or iron deficiency. My mom has this problem. Google search sugar cravings and vitamin deficiency.

    I have no business talking since I had 12 mini cinnamon rolls the other day.

    Friday, 14 September 2012 @ 4:47am

  802. 802: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    I’m feeling a good bit better this morning. I realized something…. this is the first time in a really long time, I haven’t been hopeful that my ex and I would get back together. It wasn’t something I constantly focused on or anything, but it was always there and I compared all the men I dated to C.

    So I need to cut myself some slack. Yes, we separated 7 years ago, but we carried on again, off again, physically and emotionally, even though we weren’t back together, until April. Since then, I’ve dated 3 men more than a few weeks, and have gone out on dates with 5 others. That isn’t bad for 5 months! And now that I’m really cognizant of what I want, maybe things will be different. I have a lot to offer to a relationship. Maybe I’ll find him, maybe he’ll find me… maybe it will be a random encounter, or maybe Mr. C and I will grow our friendship into more. But I choose to enjoy every day of my life, with or without a man.

    Friday, 14 September 2012 @ 4:51am

  803. 803: MemuloNo Gravatar says:


    Perhaps you want to wait till you meet in person and talk? A lot of misunderstandings happen when people are apart I noticed.

    Friday, 14 September 2012 @ 4:58am

  804. 804: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    eye roll how am i lying to myself? where am i giving a speech and making excuses and talking myself out of growing and learning?

    i feel angry!!

    i dont want to be lied to !

    i dont want to stall my growth!

    Friday, 14 September 2012 @ 4:58am

  805. 805: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i feel SO scared umfff to make eye contact with a man i find attractive, for more than a split second !

    this video felt AWESOME And i feel all thrilled and giggly like whena guy is paying me attention seeing it… esp the second half of the video where there’s role playing on how to attract the man

    oh wowiwwwweeee i want to have this skill and confidnence *cheese* i want to i want to i feel soooo terrified!


    Friday, 14 September 2012 @ 5:00am

  806. 806: TamNo Gravatar says:

    803 Hi Memulo!!! Well, I have my reasons not to wait. Because when I see him it may all fall by the wayside and I have no chance to put my words together and end up talking rubbish…besides, I feel like starting fresh when I get there and don’t want to risk getting hung up on him (again).

    Friday, 14 September 2012 @ 5:01am

  807. 807: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Forest siren – both of those tools sound awesome! i noticed for me just getting Aware of it and then declaring i love it and love myself is enough to get it healing!

    Friday, 14 September 2012 @ 5:02am

  808. 808: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Is 804 directed at me Daria? Do you think I’m lying to myself and stalling my own growth?

    Friday, 14 September 2012 @ 5:02am

  809. 809: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Tam – i agree to ‘wait’ on pushing him away. I would just share my feelings, not doing it in a ‘push away’ way

    i learned from Rori keep my heart open throughout, closing my heart hurts ME!

    and the energy remains stuck and will show up again and again until i get my open heart skills going

    Friday, 14 September 2012 @ 5:05am

  810. 810: MelNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks for the info Daria… :)

    Friday, 14 September 2012 @ 5:06am

  811. 811: SenaraNo Gravatar says:

    800 Goddess Lily

    “I often fall asleep to get away from my problems (not good either).”

    Although it sometimes feels like a blessing to be able to sleep despite the turmoil in our life, don’t you think?

    Friday, 14 September 2012 @ 5:09am

  812. 812: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Turqoise – its directed to me.

    honestly yes i felt a bit triggered reading the Mr. C ‘friendship’ situation mention as well as by other things shared by others on the blog

    i found myself feeling eye roll judgemental which is my clear clue that there’s something in myself that needs attention, that im projecting on others.

    I feel a bit scared to share this with you as I fear being misunderstood and receiving a defensive attack or explanation.

    that feels really hard for me to handle and i feel sad just fearing right now :(


    i feel quite panicked

    Friday, 14 September 2012 @ 5:09am

  813. 813: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    I had an amazing date with SmartCD last night and it started from going to a store and getting my bday gift! We had a great time, we laughed, walked around, had dinner and I spent the night at his place. At dinner he was saying that various people invited him for Jewish holidays (start Sunday night) and he was concerned about having a chance to spend time with his son as well. I listened. This morning before leaving I asked about the plan for the weekend as we talked about doing a little tour of the neighborhood together and he replied ‘Jewish holidays’, meaning he was not planning to see me. I was about to leave and did not say anything. On my way home I texted him ‘I feel excluded’. Maybe not the best way to handle it but I feel glad I did that. Maybe not the best way ‘to insist’ to be introduced to his friends or family, but I do feel excluded and still feel right about expressing it.

    Friday, 14 September 2012 @ 5:09am

  814. 814: SenaraNo Gravatar says:

    The Dalai Lama sort of compared sleep to meditation.

    Friday, 14 September 2012 @ 5:10am

  815. 815: DariaNo Gravatar says:


    THEY WILL BLAME ME FOR HOW I FEEL so if i feel judgemental or eye roll

    its not safe to share!!!!!!!!!!!!!


    keep that to myself not safe to share!!!!

    feeling sad and shamed and cowering


    i love all my screaming voices and my fears

    i love all my triggers

    i feel this big greatfulness here for this blog to trigger me this way and i can see how this will help me so much in my communication

    i feel panicked!!!

    i feel shaky and numb over shaky

    Friday, 14 September 2012 @ 5:11am

  816. 816: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Daria, how do I share my feelings without pushing him away?
    If I say that it feels bad for me to help with his move etc, it will push him away. Is that necessarily bad? As then I know.

    Friday, 14 September 2012 @ 5:14am

  817. 817: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i cowered over my knee to honor that emotion

    i feel so sad


    i feel so fearful


    i want to heal this trauma

    i want to feel loved!!!!




    more attacks


    so sad

    its ok to feel this way

    i love all my feelings

    i can tell my chakra EFT worked cuz i wasnt sharing or accessing these emotions so clearly before

    thats healing i know and going thru this feels aweful


    i can handle this


    im here for me

    i feel numb and chest ache saying that

    my chest is always achy on the RIGHT side

    what is that?

    maybe my energetic heart is displaced from my heart

    Friday, 14 September 2012 @ 5:15am

  818. 818: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    No Daria, I’m not mad or going to attack, was just wondering if you have some advice on how to keep learning and growing, yet not only when I feel I the soup. Its beautiful out this morning, my daughter said some really funny things on the way to school that really made me laugh out loud. I’d rather focus my energy on those good feelings, than feeling sad I might never meet a guy and have the relationship I want. What do you think? Am I just shifting my focus to what feels better, but not really addressing the issue? I still feel confused by all this sometimes.

    Friday, 14 September 2012 @ 5:16am

  819. 819: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Tam – no it won’t necessarily push him away to say that

    (tho i know it will seem so before and while doing it)

    as long as you’re using feeling messages and no blame, you’re attracting the healthy masculine energy around you

    Friday, 14 September 2012 @ 5:16am

  820. 820: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    Radlove – 703 – :)


    Friday, 14 September 2012 @ 5:16am

  821. 821: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Turqoise – well to me it looks liek you’re making amazing progress

    soemthing i would do for myself if I was in your position would be to create a “no friendship” boundary with men that I dated or had some connection with.

    They can still be around me as invested as they want, but it’s clearly for dating purposes.

    The friendship thing took me years to get through and im still feeling confused as right now i actually am not sure if i want a group of male friends, do i express my masculine energy with them and will that take away from my practice of expressing feminine energy romantically? (ok thats my stuff)

    but i was so used to having male friends that it seemed ok, and i know it stalled me some YEARS without that boundary for men i have romantic connection with.

    and i’d make sure im still def getting myself out there to meet more men! That really helps me solidify my boundaries, practicing them with new men that don’t know me “the old way” then after a few practices i Am “the new me” and can honor my boundaries even with men from the past, even if they grumble, etc

    Friday, 14 September 2012 @ 5:21am

  822. 822: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Ok Daria, perhaps a bit long, I will cut down but how is that then??:

    Dear MrP.

    my arrival in Florida is not long, and I am feeling increasingly anxious. I saw the boats on craigslist, actually, and the finality of that struck me, and I felt sad.

    I’m feeling sad and actually distressed and painful continuing to connect, when a man is moving away from me.

    I know it would feel so great to spend time with you and we would have lots of fun, but I feel scared. I don’t feel safe, emotionally. It feels awful to me to discuss the details of your leaving, I even dreamt about it! I feel even worse just thinking about helping you sell your toys and pack up… I will feel so sad to see you go. I felt so happy and cheerful doing stuff together, like the boating, and the memories make me feel so good. But after I let my dream go, as you know, I spent this time here feeIing awful and I still feel fragile now as my life is still ‘up in the air’.

    I feel grateful that you were so honest with me saying that ‘we don’t want the same thing’, and I have a great deal of respect for you and trust in you. So I believe it is fair if I play with open cards too. I feel too sheepish to wait until we have a chance to meet, actually. I don’t want friendship (actually, I do, but it’s not realistic), and I don’t want friends with benefit-ship either. I am at a stage in my life where I don’t want to spend (‘waste’) more time in ‘quasi’-relationships. I don’t feel like pretending that we do want the same thing, just to spend a few nice days with you, no matter how tempting it feels.

    I feel resolve that at my age and experience, I am ready to be in a committed relationship/marriage, maybe even family (not sure but there is still the possibility) and I just feel a ‘friendship’ with you would not serve me.

    You’re really a great guy, maybe even the best, but I don’t feel safe emotionally. I feel too scared and have increasingly felt anxious (as well as excited) at the prospect of meeting again.

    I wish things were different but after 2 years, now I just feel blank fear and the need to protect my heart.

    Friday, 14 September 2012 @ 5:23am

  823. 823: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    this fear of making eye contact with a man i find attractive in public if i dont see him looking at me first

    triggers fears that i will feel humiliated if he doesn’t pay me attention

    images of guys i found attractive in middle school making fun of me come up


    Friday, 14 September 2012 @ 5:24am

  824. 824: TamNo Gravatar says:

    when I read it, it strikes me as very German :(

    Friday, 14 September 2012 @ 5:25am

  825. 825: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    765 Tam – the talk… well… it became more like “words with our bodies”! lol So we had a great night, he gave me a BBQ chicken (!) and I went home feeling quite happy for some reason!

    Then today he invited me to join him and another guy for lunch (I cannot remember the last lunch invite I had from him), then later came past my desk with a block of chocolate.

    I’m not sure what that’s all about but he’s been extremely attentive, which is kind of weird but nice at the same time.

    I’m still not sure I WANT a relationship with him going forward, but if we do end up talking about it, I will have a few boundaries to state before I even think of going down that road again. :)

    Friday, 14 September 2012 @ 5:26am

  826. 826: SassyNo Gravatar says:

    Turq, you are doing absolutely AWESOME!!! Woohoo.
    Tam, please give yourself a break. It doesn’t feel as if this back and forth with yourself is getting you anywhere but dizzy! I agree that possibly just writing it all out in an email and then just letting it go and leave it up to the “Universe” will help you just feel settled. If its meant to be, it will be.
    Belle, you just absolutely amaze me.
    Radlove, we all feel lonely at times, even when someone is laying next to us. My favorite thing to do at those times is to visualize what I want my life to look like.

    Friday, 14 September 2012 @ 5:26am

  827. 827: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    Oops Sirenity, I meant that for you too! :)

    Friday, 14 September 2012 @ 5:26am

  828. 828: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    (((Tam))) (((Annie))) (((Radlove))) (((RN))) (((everyone else)))

    Friday, 14 September 2012 @ 5:27am

  829. 829: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    778 Tam – I’d be assuming that one has gone, so you’re open to letting someone better in. (((Tam)))

    Friday, 14 September 2012 @ 5:29am

  830. 830: TamNo Gravatar says:

    BW – talk with bodies…lol….oh I haven’t had that kind of talk for a long time!!!!

    Friday, 14 September 2012 @ 5:31am

  831. 831: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Sassy, yes, I am dizzy and I need to get it out. Best before I get there. Up to him what he makes of it. I do not want to get attached to someone who is moving away. Too many long distance relationships, it’s not cutting the mustard anymore.

    Friday, 14 September 2012 @ 5:32am

  832. 832: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    787 Annie – that person obviously has their own serious personal issues to deal with and unfortunately they’re projecting that on you to “protect” themself from whatever pain they are feeling on the inside.

    My ex #1 is like that. A cold, miserable man who regularly attacks me verbally. I choose to feel really sorry for him, because nobody (not even wife #3) will ever make that man happy. It took me a long time to realise that his attacks had nothing to do with me and everything to do with the pain he felt inside.

    Sounds like this person is the same. (((Annie)))

    Friday, 14 September 2012 @ 5:33am

  833. 833: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    What you focus on, you attract…

    Friday, 14 September 2012 @ 5:35am

  834. 834: MissStixNo Gravatar says:

    In spite of my negative test I still feel so so ill this morning. My Doc is only open mon-wed. Now i’m worried about other possibilities.

    I did tell G about yesterday. He was sweet as always and told me I could have called and he would have come home from work. Which I would not do, but I said “thank you, I appreciate that.”

    Friday, 14 September 2012 @ 5:45am

  835. 835: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    382 Forest siren – Yep, Rori says that it’s normal for him to start grumbling when we shift our focus back to ourselves. TH does a LOT of that ! Haha!

    And yes, using the “We are not in a relationship” speech was something I used to struggle with in the beginning. Now that we’ve “broken up”, for some reason it’s like I have absolutely nothing to lose and everything to gain, so I use it! I suppose it’s like the no girlfriend speech with a little twist. 😉

    And yep, as soon as your focus is off him, other men seem to magically appear. Funny that!

    Friday, 14 September 2012 @ 5:49am

  836. 836: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Aww Daria, it feels panicky to think of telling Mr. Conversation I don’t want to be friends. In a selfish way, he’s really filling me up too. This isn’t a one sided fill up the love tank.

    He has an interview today and his first appointment at the new job (well old job he is going back to) and I sent him a good luck text, saying I know he’ll be amazing! He replied back, “Thank you. You are so supportive and awesome!” He always tells me how awesome I am. I’m different, I’m special, I’ve been a better friend to him than anyone else in a long time, he can’t figure me out (which I actually take as a compliment) how great I look…. he makes me feel good.

    He is the only person not related to me, that I have this with. Actually, I get more attention and time from him than I do from anyone except my girls. It feels scary to lose that, when this is the best connection I’ve felt in a really long time.

    So, if the choice is friendship, or not having him at all, I want the friendship. He doesn’t want to date anyone right now. He’s focused on getting his career off the ground again, feeling accomplished, financially stable, and is also on his own for the first time in 14 years. I worry telling him it has to be more will be too much pressure and he’ll walk away.

    But, maybe that is operating from a place of fear? This is where I feel confused. :( Do I risk what I have, to get what I want…. do I have to take those risks for it to even be possible?

    I do have a plan though…lol… actually feel kind of silly and will probably get judged by this, but I’m going to put it out there anyways.

    Operation boyfriend by Christmas is about to commence. I’m going to put myself out there and date soooo much, I’m going to smile and flirt and do 5 second stares and meet lots of new people, and be open to all possibilities. I want a boyfriend for Christmas and I have 3 months for that to happen. I feel kind of giggly about it actually, like it’s my new job, and it’s up to me. Fate isn’t dropping men at my door, so may take more effort on my part to help some awesome guy see me.

    Friday, 14 September 2012 @ 5:50am

  837. 837: SirenityNo Gravatar says:

    ooohh..feeling luscious and all soft and flowy after singing for a couple of hours…lots of songs of love and death and happiness in foreign languages with challenging high notes and wonderful depth…ummmm..love my classical singing.Its so Sirenesque.
    Feeling very warm and open..shame there is no man around .

    Friday, 14 September 2012 @ 5:52am

  838. 838: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Sirens, please chime in! I need you!

    Friday, 14 September 2012 @ 5:52am

  839. 839: Goddess LilyNo Gravatar says:


    Expressing yourself with feeling messages and communicating your boundaries is not pushing a man away. If he chooses to leave, then you have saved yourself from a relationship that was going nowhere and then the better man will have room to show up OR the current man will see you taking care of you and step up.

    Friday, 14 September 2012 @ 5:56am

  840. 840: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Turquoise, well I don’t know. Is it really friendship you want? I know for me it’s a very definite feeling when I can have only friendship with a man.
    No question in my mind about that.
    I feel fear of hanging onto someone in the name of friendship and expecting more, which it would be in my case. I now believe it serves me better to have nothing.
    I have plenty of male friends that I am not attracted to.

    Friday, 14 September 2012 @ 5:57am

  841. 841: TamNo Gravatar says:

    839 Goddess, thank you, I do agree with you. did you see my ‘speech’ further up…any comments to that?

    Friday, 14 September 2012 @ 5:58am

  842. 842: Goddess LilyNo Gravatar says:


    Do you really want a boyfriend? It was my understanding that Rori calls that a trap.

    Friday, 14 September 2012 @ 5:59am

  843. 843: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Memulo maybe best to express “in the moment” so it can come across authentic and confident. Doing it by text after the fact could suggest to some people that you are hiding behind texting, this is premeditated and acting out on emotions.

    Friday, 14 September 2012 @ 5:59am

  844. 844: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Tam – hmm… i feel surprised its a bit long

    can you do something short and simple in 2 sentences?

    i feel
    i dont want

    Friday, 14 September 2012 @ 6:05am

  845. 845: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    + what do you think?

    Friday, 14 September 2012 @ 6:05am

  846. 846: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    I can translate into feeling messages some fam stuff and i dont “have to” use them

    just translating them is enough to start me healing


    Friday, 14 September 2012 @ 6:06am

  847. 847: TamNo Gravatar says:

    I know Daria, agreed, too long, but two sentences is a real challenge for me… 😉
    Not sure about the ‘what do you think’ as it’s a little pressure demanding an answer…I don’t really need to know what he thinks, actually…

    Friday, 14 September 2012 @ 6:07am

  848. 848: BelleNo Gravatar says:

    Yesterday as I was leaving work and walking through the lunch room and saying goodbyes, C sat down at a table, facing me, with a humungous grin and started shaking dominos and looking at me…
    which made me feel giddy and happy and fuzzy and warm and I was talking to someone else and I was magnetized :) I sat down to play with him and we played for nearly an hour.
    It felt sweet and easy and light and comfortable. We didn’t talk much, were just there together and I felt so grateful.
    Yes! Yes!
    Then a co-worker who was watching and talking to us said something that triggered me and I could feel myself crumble.
    From there the positive feelings got mixed up and I didn’t really regroup for a while.
    Everyone left and C and I were alone and were hugging and then made out.
    I gave myself permission to flip-flop as long as I need to, and to relax and enjoy myself.
    I kind of did…
    what I noticed, though, is that he said several times, “this is torture!” because he kept getting excited and knew we weren’t going to have sex.
    He showed me how he was trembling all over again and again.

    Of COURSE I had all of the stuff I had processed earlier about power and insecurity going on in my mind!!!

    Although I’ve known it at one level all along, it’s finally sinking in and expanding into deeper awareness that we are using each other to torture ourselves.

    I sincerely love this man. I don’t want to torture him anymore.
    I *did* (past tense!) !! I wanted to punish him for not doing what I wanted, for stirring up all these intense feelings in me and then not giving me the relationship I wanted from him. Which I get, by default, is torturing and punishing myself.

    I’m seeing more clearly now.

    I feel a stronger resolve now…another leaky boundary healing.

    Looking back, I would have wanted to preserve the sweetness and innocence of us just playing the game together then going home. So what I think might be good is to re-write the scene in my mind so it plays out that way, yeah, that feels right. Shows me more of what I really want and gives me a felt experience of it.

    Friday, 14 September 2012 @ 6:07am

  849. 849: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Turqouise – yes i know he’s filling you up.

    which is why i would clearly define ‘no friends,’ yet i would still allow him to be around me, making it clear that any man spending time around me i consider it ‘dating’

    i feel empowered just thinking of that

    Friday, 14 September 2012 @ 6:07am

  850. 850: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    I worry telling him it has to be more will be too much pressure and he’ll walk away.

    Turquoise telling him anything while you are worried could backfire. He will feel the worry. Assuming he will back away is as Rori says waiting for more dropping shoes. Think LOA here is what I would say.

    Do I risk what I have, to get what I want…. do I have to take those risks for it to even be possible? I believe so. Clinging on to what you have won’t necessarily get you what you want. Having Mr. C crowding and clouding your physical and mental space, energetically essentially blocks the space for any potential. Is my humble opinion.

    Having said that, I am not sure there is an urgent need to share that speech. Why do you want a boyfriend anyway? It feels odd and high schoolist, especially seeing you have been married once. I thought you wanted a relationship?

    Friday, 14 September 2012 @ 6:08am

  851. 851: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    possible responses from him

    : ‘no i cant do dating. only friends”

    woman: “ok, friends doesnt work for me… but it feels so good being around you…id feel open to hear from you if you change your mind :) bye”

    3days – 1 week later

    man: hello

    woman: hi :) it feels great to hear from you


    Friday, 14 September 2012 @ 6:10am

  852. 852: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Turquoise when he gets the job it might fill up some spaces for him that you are filling now and he might not “need” you as much. He will have a life purpose. Except for babysitting he might not need as much time with you as he will also have to take care of himself a little more to be fresh for work. Careers are very important to men.

    Friday, 14 September 2012 @ 6:12am

  853. 853: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    830 Tam – Let go of any expectations with this current guy, and you may be pleasantly surprised… 😉

    Friday, 14 September 2012 @ 6:12am

  854. 854: TamNo Gravatar says:

    851 Daria..lol…really. This is EXACTLY how it has happened time and time again. But sadly, it didn’t go anywhere!! Too funny!!! That is the exact pattern.

    Friday, 14 September 2012 @ 6:14am

  855. 855: Goddess LilyNo Gravatar says:


    I’m still practicing feeling messages so I am by no means an authority but that original message seemed long to me. Like beating a dead (feelings) horse. His attention span might not last that long.

    Friday, 14 September 2012 @ 6:15am

  856. 856: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    851 That is assuming the man is invested and wants to stay. Some men will choose to walk away if they are not in a place to offer more. Men are in different stages in their lives.

    Friday, 14 September 2012 @ 6:16am

  857. 857: TamNo Gravatar says:

    855 – Goddess..yep, I agree. It’s true

    Friday, 14 September 2012 @ 6:16am

  858. 858: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Also we have seen situations here where men say friends and regardless of what the woman does or says, it stays friends.

    Friday, 14 September 2012 @ 6:18am

  859. 859: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    possible complicantions

    man: have you changed your mind about friendship?

    woman: ouch :( no, i still don’t feel good being friends that doesn’t work for me… i miss you romantically

    man: well i can’t offer that now, you know blah blah

    woman: i hear you… aww :( well itd feel good to hear from you when we can connect on this level… byes! :)

    he will keep coming back, and the woman will feel so strong and be attracting high quality men with this attitude!

    Friday, 14 September 2012 @ 6:19am

  860. 860: TamNo Gravatar says:

    …..Daria, I could say ‘I feel open to hearing from you when you come with a ring’….ha!! The old boy would get a heart attack…most likely.
    I feel giggly now, thank Goodness.

    Friday, 14 September 2012 @ 6:20am

  861. 861: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    FeminineWoman – yes, but the woman’s self esteem soars so much with these boundaries that she really becomes less interested, as Rori says, without pain

    Friday, 14 September 2012 @ 6:25am

  862. 862: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Belle – this man seems quite a charmer. i wouldn’t fall for it!

    ah i would enjoy the lovely attention and pay attnetion to the heartache afterward either

    and i WANT TO BELIEVE i can have the fun AND the consistency . Rori says we can have whatever we want. and im just choosing to believe it right now even tho i don’t see it or anything

    hrr hrr

    Friday, 14 September 2012 @ 6:28am

  863. 863: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Okay. That makes sense. Though unfortunately most of us focus on getting the man rather than how the situation will affect our self esteem. “Hopefully” the woman will get less interested or bored. But most of what is expressed here is “I feel scared” or “I feel addicted” or “I feel lonely”. How to get past this reality or “story” is key to moving forward because it is so linked to chemical and energetic attachments that are not easy for most of us to walk be blase about or walk away from.

    Friday, 14 September 2012 @ 6:30am

  864. 864: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    I think there is great power that comes with the feeling that we are NOT afraid to lose him (so aren’t afraid to deliver the “speeches”), but that HE is the one who will miss out if we go our separate ways…

    Friday, 14 September 2012 @ 6:30am

  865. 865: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i liked that boy in childhood cuz i was reading stories about blond hair being amazing and implicitly “better” and he had blond hair (and i wanted to have it)

    its cuz i felt not good enough with my hair i see that now



    helllo awareness how i love u!

    Friday, 14 September 2012 @ 6:35am

  866. 866: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    then later when i didnt care about blond hair i saw him again as not being masculine enough, the way i initially saw him and didnt notice him

    i know when i saw him i had in my mind “the golden stag” so i probably had just read that story

    Friday, 14 September 2012 @ 6:38am

  867. 867: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    I had a funny night tonight. My youngest had a carnival at her school, so I finished work early so she could have all afternoon and into the evening there until the fireworks at the end.

    First I bumped into Ex #2’s sister (I really like her!), so we chatted for a while.

    Ex #2 turned up a little later with his gf’s daughter, so we wandered around together for a bit, chatting about our daughter and how she’s going at school. It was actually a very positive conversation.

    I decided I wanted to go get food, so he offered to watch the girls so I could go and order. While I was in line Ex #2 calls me to tell me that he just saw Ex #1 there with his wife! ROFL

    Hilarious and unbelievable!!! 😀

    I thankfully didn’t see Ex #1 until we were leaving, but so funny!

    Friday, 14 September 2012 @ 6:40am

  868. 868: TamNo Gravatar says:

    …actually, it would feel good telling him that I now accept nothing less than marriage, and not caring whether he’s get a heart attack or not.

    Friday, 14 September 2012 @ 6:40am

  869. 869: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    FeminineWoman – yes but when these boundaries are stated, theres a lift that happens and the attachments just naturally dissolve i noticed. hence we become ‘bored’ without trying. or def ‘more bored’ and ‘less addicted’

    i notice this in my own interactions with Getright man and Dman

    my heart still pours out oxytocin around them but because of having used my boundaries i now can really say im way less interested=less addicted

    i might not even be addicted at all

    and they still seek me out from time to time so they didn’t go anywhere to never come back


    Friday, 14 September 2012 @ 6:40am

  870. 870: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Tam – i woudln’t say that, personaly that sounds more like demands

    id say the part about hey i noticed ur selling your boats and i felt kinda shocked to notice how sad i feel… i notice it feels painful for me to connect with a man that’s moving away from me… how do you think we can fix this?

    Friday, 14 September 2012 @ 6:42am

  871. 871: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Tam – ps i would DEFINITELY put it in his hands by asking what he thinks here

    that is Surrender Speak, and

    persoanlly i want to practice way more of this, especially when im feeling terrified of what they might think

    Friday, 14 September 2012 @ 6:44am

  872. 872: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    Radlove, I’m about to go to sleep but I’ve been thinking about you today and I have a question (feel free to not answer it if you feel uncomfortable doing so):

    If you knew that the only way to get rid of the loneliness in your life was to give up on R, would you do it?

    I feel curious about what your answer would be.

    Sending love your way


    Friday, 14 September 2012 @ 6:46am

  873. 873: RadloveNo Gravatar says:


    747 – Thank you!

    Friday, 14 September 2012 @ 6:47am

  874. 874: RadloveNo Gravatar says:


    872 – It isn’t that simple. It’s not a yes or no question. There are so many complexities around it. So no, because that option is still open. Relationships aren’t always black and white.

    Friday, 14 September 2012 @ 6:49am

  875. 875: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    What if it WAS black and white, Radlove? What if this was your only option?

    I’m just trying to understand what you want more – R or no more loneliness.


    Friday, 14 September 2012 @ 6:51am

  876. 876: RadloveNo Gravatar says:


    826 – “Radlove, we all feel lonely at times, even when someone is laying next to us. My favorite thing to do at those times is to visualize what I want my life to look like.”

    I am well aware that loneliness can be even worse if you are lonely with someone…i watched my parents’ bad 25 year marriage. i have visualized what i want in my life for decades. mind tricks aren’t cutting it for me anymore. i am next to needing an emotional iron lung.

    Friday, 14 September 2012 @ 6:55am

  877. 877: BelleNo Gravatar says:


    I feel like I’ve been caught red-handed, in a way that feels good and fun and is making me smile and laugh.
    He is definitely a charmer.

    I thought of “him” yesterday when reading bloom-ing’s post about how the little boy is kind of good for nothing but trouble.

    I like a little trouble!
    (is that connected to the punishment stuff?? Hmmm….)

    I’m not going to put much more thought into it, he doesn’t exist right now. What I’m doing to improve my life and self-image seems to be working for me so I’ll stick with it and keep focusing on myself and the good qualities.

    I read a Carlos Castaneda book once where he talked about all of our different aspects and qualities. He said that they never go away, but when we focus on and develop the qualities we like instead of punishing ourselves or trying to “fix” the ones we don’t, the lesser ones just sort of go dormant because we don’t need them anymore. (LOA principles!)

    My little fun game with myself to magnify small thing…so for example, when I wonder if I can be honest, I ask myself what my name is. And then congratulate myself for being honest, see, right there, I just answered that question honestly, isn’t that awesome??!! I *do* have that quality! It *is* in me!! What else can I be honest about, I wonder??

    Which reminds me to set a reminder to remind me to do more of that at work. I know it will help relieve a lot of the resistance I’ve been feeling.

    Friday, 14 September 2012 @ 6:59am

  878. 878: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    Goddess Lilly,

    800 – That’s beautiful how you handle your loneliness. I have gone out by myself for decades, and I find a lot of solace in that. As often as i can, i take my dogs to a place late at night where i can run them off leash. it’s a great place to be alone, and i always feel better outside in nature.

    Yes, writing on the blog feels good, too. Very good. Writing is very cathartic to me, and I love connecting with all of the women here.

    Friday, 14 September 2012 @ 7:01am

  879. 879: BelleNo Gravatar says:


    If you want are interested I have a guided imagery meditation mp3 for healing from abandonment and heartbreak I can share with you.
    I found it to be very powerful AND it showed me how to be more inner-resourced. I don’t mind feeling lonely and spent a year getting comfortable with the feeling but I almost NEVER feel lonely anymore because more and more I feel at home and at peace with the voices in my head :)


    Friday, 14 September 2012 @ 7:04am

  880. 880: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    I feel thrillingly and painfully amused when I my exes show up not in a position to totally worship me

    I have a tendency to tell these stories to others as a way to bond over the ‘awkwardness’

    I want to shift this

    I want to feel safe to feel humiliation

    Even writing humiliation Makes me feel tightened up and defensive

    I can’t handle that feeling

    I want to be able to, but I feel scared that will welcome in more of that feeling

    But Rori says that’s not true


    Friday, 14 September 2012 @ 7:04am

  881. 881: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    Forest Siren,

    792 – Thanks, yeah it felt good getting as much as i did yesterday, even tho there is still a mountain of paperwork to sort and file and deal with. if i had money to pay the bills, it wouldn’t feel so overwhelming.

    i need to organize my clothes, too. in my case, they are on top of the dresser and in folded piles here and there. i intend to clear out the dresser and then put them away with one drawer for shirts, one for pants, etc. my challenge there is my bedroom isn’t big enough, because i have a queen sized bed. So my dresser is stuffed in my closet, leaving me little closet space. i think i am going to move the dresser out to the dining room so i can better utilize my closet and hang more clothes instead of folding them.

    Friday, 14 September 2012 @ 7:05am

  882. 882: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Belle – I feel really desirous for that mp3 if you want to share w me. My email is magicgoddessmedicinewoman@gmail.com

    Friday, 14 September 2012 @ 7:05am

  883. 883: RadloveNo Gravatar says:


    879 – Thank you! i would enjoy that, and i just sent you an email.

    Friday, 14 September 2012 @ 7:07am

  884. 884: BelleNo Gravatar says:



    do you remember how anger felt bad and then you realized you could feel good with your anger?

    Maybe humiliation can be the same way?

    For me the most difficult part is just letting myself feel it.
    Once I can get past the defensiveness and into the feeling, though….ooooooohhh! It feels so good to let it move through!
    Instead of focusing on whether you might get more of it, I wonder if it would feel better and less scary to focus on how it would feel to be like an ocean and the humiliation is just a wave passing through?

    Another way I like to imagine these feeling sometimes is as if I am one of those EKG monitors and the feelings are those waves of light that just move through…blip..blip…blip…
    The waves are life! Flatline is dead 😉

    Friday, 14 September 2012 @ 7:09am

  885. 885: MissStixNo Gravatar says:

    Men turn on a dime…So true.

    This morning before G left for work was not good. So now I have to spend my day preparing a script, and if it’s not well received…I am leaving.

    Friday, 14 September 2012 @ 7:11am

  886. 886: MissStixNo Gravatar says:

    2 hours ago I was thinking how wonderful he’s been. Now I think maybe it’s just that *I* have been wonderful. The second I lose focus I am being yelled at.

    Friday, 14 September 2012 @ 7:15am

  887. 887: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Theres a scene image I have as a lil girl where I’m ‘bossy’ w my dolls and other kids.

    I used to think this is me but I think it’s just working out being bossed around.

    What’s kinda challenging is when I feel safe and close to a man I start acting this way because it signifies ‘safety, closeness, intimacy’ for me

    It’s like. ‘ok stand here’

    ‘Gime that’

    To me it’s ‘cute’ but u know neighbor cd complained about it.

    Asking in feeling messages instead really helped.

    I feel sad that it kinda seems like I’d be betraying myself to change the language and put in extra effort to choose words when I’m feeling so safe and intimate

    I’m choosing to believe I will get to an even Mote fulfilling level of intimacy by doing so, and it’s a way of Loving, not denying, my lil girl.


    In brave

    Friday, 14 September 2012 @ 7:15am

  888. 888: RadloveNo Gravatar says:


    875 – i feel confused…we are supposed to go for a ring, not a boyfriend. So technically, R is doing this correctly, right? He is staying at a friendship level until he is SURE that marriage is what he wants.

    So i am now seeing him regularly and having fantastic communication. According to Rori’s tools, i am right where I need to be.

    maybe if i reframe it in my mind, maybe this loneliness is just the darkness before the dawn?

    Friday, 14 September 2012 @ 7:19am

  889. 889: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Belle – reading your post I felt head squirmy and my head is hot now and I even have some tears ??

    Also I felt like running away.

    Thank you do much for supporting me. No I didn’t think of it that way.

    I now have sight that I can do this!

    Thank you and thank you for the I ocean imagery.

    I can do this, even though this anti humiliation protection I have seems to be as big as the world and probably is involved in the majority of my perceptions of the world.

    So what. It’s shiftable on a dime, yes?

    Yes. I’m letting myself out the side door.

    Friday, 14 September 2012 @ 7:20am

  890. 890: MissStixNo Gravatar says:

    F@ck!!! I feel so pi$$ed right now! I feel hot rage and I want to scream out loud. I want to call him an a$$hole! But I didn’t. I stayed within FM’s as best I could. I told him “I feel upset” and “I don’t like being yelled at”. I said “I don’t know what to say”. And “I try really hard not to let this stuff affect me but feels so tiresome.”

    URRRRRRRRRRRRRAAARGH. It’s taking all my strength not to just do what I used to. Pack up and go without talking about it.

    Friday, 14 September 2012 @ 7:20am

  891. 891: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Images of sexual torture ate coming up for me


    Breathe. Sigh. I can handle this, I can handle anything. I’m safe w me. Babysteps.

    Friday, 14 September 2012 @ 7:21am

  892. 892: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Oh oh I get it! I get why I have this do in common w other women too that I know.

    It’s on an ancestral line, I’m really gonna heal this?

    Who will I be?

    Will I still be able to connect w the people I did before?

    What if I get more lonely?

    Those aren’t true.

    Friday, 14 September 2012 @ 7:23am

  893. 893: MissStixNo Gravatar says:

    I feel stubborn. I want to sit and stew in my angry feelings and feed my rage until I don’t feel sad.

    Friday, 14 September 2012 @ 7:24am

  894. 894: MissStixNo Gravatar says:

    I wonder if it’s cool to read my script from the paper I write it on? I struggle so much with speaking.

    No no. Memorize it. And if you feel nervous sit in it. If you shake, then shake. And if you cry, then cry. And if you can’t speak, take a minute to breathe. You can do this. And if he won’t accept it, then you will go off on your own again and be free and not have to give a $hit about how your actions might affect someone.

    Friday, 14 September 2012 @ 7:35am

  895. 895: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    ((((Miss Stix))))

    And yes it’s ok to read it also

    Friday, 14 September 2012 @ 7:40am

  896. 896: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    MissStix in Reconnect, Rori tells a story about a woman who read her script to her man then said “okay I have to go throw up now” and made a beeline to the bathroom. He followed her and they ended up having a good heart to heart and moving the relationship forward

    Friday, 14 September 2012 @ 7:40am

  897. 897: TamNo Gravatar says:

    871 Daria, thanks. Hmmmm..but when I ask him what he thinks he will give me the
    ‘we want different things’ speech again.
    And you know, I just don’t want to hear it again. :(

    Friday, 14 September 2012 @ 7:41am

  898. 898: SassyNo Gravatar says:

    ((((miss stix)))

    Let it out darlin, that’s what our support is here for.

    Friday, 14 September 2012 @ 7:41am

  899. 899: MissStixNo Gravatar says:

    I feel a crack forming in my foundation. I just feel so damn tired of it today. Enough already!!!!!!!! Gotta do everything right all the time or accept what he has to offer. Even if it feels cold, hard, pressure forcing you down down down. Push as hard as you can against this dense object pinning you down but it won’t budge! It won’t shake and you’re stuck. Trapped benieth the weight of a man’s simple freedom to be however the f@ck he wants and we adapt. We build and grow and learn and enact positive changes. Where is MY freedom? It is in my words. My script. My decisions and acting on them for my own benefit. If he won’t adapt, and build and learn and grow with me then I will take something from men themselves and do whatever the f@ck I want!

    Friday, 14 September 2012 @ 7:43am

  900. 900: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Miss Stix, yikes, whatever happened?

    Friday, 14 September 2012 @ 7:43am

  901. 901: MissStixNo Gravatar says:

    Oh….Reading your words and breathing sirens. I thank you. Although…I feel myself fighting against their calming effect. My stubborn angry girl does not want calm yet.

    Friday, 14 September 2012 @ 7:48am

  902. 902: MissStixNo Gravatar says:


    I got yelled at and scolded for making too much noise at 6 am. Even though there is no roommates home today.

    Scolded like a child! And he used one of my nicknames in anger!!! So sharp like a sword! A name i’ve heard in love since childhood. He took it and made it mean and angry.

    Friday, 14 September 2012 @ 7:51am

  903. 903: MissStixNo Gravatar says:

    Meh. Calm came in spite of my best efforts. :p

    Friday, 14 September 2012 @ 7:57am

  904. 904: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Tam – ok sorry for butting in…I see you dont need my help here. how do you think you should handle this in a way that’s healing for you?

    Friday, 14 September 2012 @ 8:00am

  905. 905: MissStixNo Gravatar says:

    Writing is wonderous. I can rage and rage and physically not do anything but shed a few tears. I feel just as calm as I would if I gad screamed into a pillow for half an hour.

    Friday, 14 September 2012 @ 8:00am

  906. 906: TereanaNo Gravatar says:

    Radlove – Thank you! (744)

    Tam – I so appreciate your suggestion of staying open. I guess in this case, it didn’t feel good to stay “open” to what wasn’t feeling good to me. I decided to be “open” to my own options and choosing what felt good.

    Thanks! :-)

    Friday, 14 September 2012 @ 8:01am

  907. 907: TereanaNo Gravatar says:

    Oh, Miss Stix – I don’t really know what happened, but that sounds awful. ((hugs))

    Friday, 14 September 2012 @ 8:04am

  908. 908: LoveAlwaysNo Gravatar says:

    Good morning sirens:

    Was feeling anxious, then wondered if it was NV at me again. Then I realized that I am ANTICIPATING and not keeping the focus on me, but it’s just SO HARD because I’m wanting him to be with me all the time, and I do stuff on my own and keep me busy and I enjoy that stuff but I want him in my arms every darn night and I’m feeling overwhelmed by this desire and I don’t know what to do to shift it. I feel dumpy right now, but I’m going to go riff as soon as I can.

    Friday, 14 September 2012 @ 8:05am

  909. 909: MissStixNo Gravatar says:

    Stupid old sticky cutlery drawer. Bane of my day. He was already annoyed about something. No idea what. Don’t really care. He should yell at the drawer not at me… Like it’s my fault. Pfft. And as if yelling is any less noisy.

    Friday, 14 September 2012 @ 8:07am

  910. 910: MissStixNo Gravatar says:

    My script will be about how I have been dealing with muself when he gets angry. But that I no longer want to make an effort to deal with myself when he’s angry unless he’s making an effort to re-direct his anger in an appropriate way.

    Friday, 14 September 2012 @ 8:10am

  911. 911: bloom-ingNo Gravatar says:

    hey, miss stix, i have an idea maybe if you want to hear it ?

    Friday, 14 September 2012 @ 8:11am

  912. 912: TereanaNo Gravatar says:

    Still no word from vman since last night, and I’ve feeling fine. I’m feeling fine about everything. He doesn’t have to contact me. Besides, I’ve been initiating a lot, lately. So it feels like a good time to lean back, sink down and just see what happens. I don’t know what will happen. Maybe I’ll go out for a drink tonight with SYG – I ran into him on Tuesday, and we hung out. It was really sweet. I know he’s not “available” for relationship right now. But that’s kind of nice. It takes the pressure off of even thinking about it.

    As for me, overall, I do notice that being single really is a “comfort” zone for me. I felt “uncomfortable” with a man in the picture (tbf) – even though he was doing everything right for me, and saying all the right things about relationship. But he’d always pepper me with questions when sometimes all I wanted to do was relax, not be interrogated, or mined for information. It felt weird.

    I expect a little discomfort with intimacy. I believe that should be normal. But I hope that it feels different than being UN-comfortable.

    Or else I’m in trouble, because I might not know how to tell the difference! I want to feel comfortable with my man, in a way that I can just be myself and not worry about if he is going to accept me or reject me. And I know that that is something that I can practice, beginning with me. But I also know that there is going to be some discomfort in getting to that place, because I am just not used to getting that from another person!! That in itself feels really strange and new. I wonder if I can practice feeling what that would be like….okay, that’s my project for the day.

    Happy day, ladies!! :-)

    Friday, 14 September 2012 @ 8:14am

  913. 913: TamNo Gravatar says:

    (((( Miss Stix)))

    Oh Daria, I do need your help, and thanks for offering it generously. Not sure if this issue can contribute to any healing to be honest….because I kind of know the outcome already…and by hearing it from him again isn’t that inflicting more pain rather than healing? Hm. Let me reflect on that a little because I am not sure…could be my issues.

    Friday, 14 September 2012 @ 8:14am

  914. 914: MissStixNo Gravatar says:


    Yes please!

    Friday, 14 September 2012 @ 8:15am

  915. 915: MissStixNo Gravatar says:


    Friday, 14 September 2012 @ 8:18am

  916. 916: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Siren Angel??

    Friday, 14 September 2012 @ 8:19am

  917. 917: April RoseNo Gravatar says:


    I liked Daria’s short speech 870

    I wonder if you said/wrote it, it would jolt him.

    Looks to me like being raw/vulnerable is what could get a different response this time.

    Also, believing there CAN be a different response (without expecting one – phew!)

    Love, April

    Friday, 14 September 2012 @ 8:19am

  918. 918: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you April Rose…Daria..etc. I may try that.
    Not sure.
    I guess by now I just know him so well…that I can almost script the respone I will get already. So asking him what he thinks is a little like getting another slap, but well, I might be surprised.
    On another funny note, he has often told me that he can script my responses to things also. This just made me smile.

    Friday, 14 September 2012 @ 8:23am

  919. 919: TamNo Gravatar says:

    ..actually ‘how do you think we can fix this?’ is a good sentence..ho hum….

    Friday, 14 September 2012 @ 8:24am

  920. 920: MissStixNo Gravatar says:

    I may have been projecting something negative lately without realizing it. With ex popping up again and not feeling well. I just got my period 5 minutes ago. Early…Which is good! It also explains my resistance to facillitating his anger. I bit my tongue so hard! It took everything in me not to go white hot on his a$$.

    Friday, 14 September 2012 @ 8:25am

  921. 921: bloom-ingNo Gravatar says:

    only that, sometimes when i really feel “wronged” i try to go back in the memory & switch roles. it feels really stxpid & “obvious” at first, but if i really use my imagination, i can get wayyy compassionate about situations. esp “impossible” ones that i couldn’t “get” before & it feels really uncomfortable to fully, fully go there but it’s ok, you don’t really know how it was for them – it’s not about them – but it can show you the other side of *your* thoughts, your own mirror…. ummm sorry if that doesn’t make sense.

    …. like, why did it upset you that he “yelled” at you ? was it not Affectionate for him to use your cute lil name ? …………………………………… what do you think he was thinking when he heard the crashing silverware ? if i were him, i might feel afraid for you – are you ok – adrenaline spill – bad wake up call – ouch, alarm. are you (like me) perhaps a very klutzy person & possibly sensitive to being yelled at because of it ? but i saw myself a lot in the man who eats sugar & the woman who weighs heavy & i want to not blame anyone else when their words bring up something in myself that i don’t want to see or love.

    BUT also, i don’t want to be yelled at & i feel exhausted by yelling, but also i get worked up & raise my voice & then i have to apologize & i feel sad. loud feels like ouch (unless it’s very good & exciting & then i really love it & want to make lots more noise with it – loud can be the best too)

    Friday, 14 September 2012 @ 8:28am

  922. 922: TamNo Gravatar says:

    To be honest, I have always made it far too easy for him. I have always stayed open and always been ready to engage in conversation and outings even after I had been hurt by his actions. I was very forgiving. I was a bit of a doormat, an angry doormat.

    Now I just want to look after myself, and I don’t want to get addicted to man-crack. I went cold turkey and don’t want to sniff it again for fear of a relapse.
    I just don’t want to do that to myself, especially when the man-crack is pseudo stepping up and I risk falling from a much higher place this time. Fear.

    Friday, 14 September 2012 @ 8:30am

  923. 923: MissStixNo Gravatar says:


    That’s a good sentence for sure! Oh…I might plop that one at the end of whatever I say.

    I still want to hear your idea bloom-ing! I’m a bit at a loss right now. I have not had time to fully process all my options.

    This is why I keep my own place.

    I may be a commitmentphobe. Oh. Sigh.

    Friday, 14 September 2012 @ 8:32am

  924. 924: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Miss Stix, looking after yourself and your needs is not the same as being a commitmentphobe.
    I would keep my own place too, for a long while before considering moving in with someone.

    Friday, 14 September 2012 @ 8:33am

  925. 925: bloom-ingNo Gravatar says:


    “I have always stayed open and always been ready to engage in conversation and outings even after I had been hurt by his actions. I was very forgiving. I was a bit of a doormat, an angry doormat.”

    i kind of in my imagination think that some men get “addicted” to Angry Women lol…. & they kind of like the distancing, self-protective cycle of angering a woman & then reeling her back in. & also, i want to say, *subconsciously* – i think very very few men would ever do this consciously. just a heart-hurt – just a wound like we all have.

    Friday, 14 September 2012 @ 8:37am

  926. 926: MissStixNo Gravatar says:


    I like that.

    Although he was doing the dishes at the time. If I woke him up I would feel 100% different. But in fact…I was woken up to give him a ride to work because he woke up too late for the bus.

    Probably what he was pi$$ed about initially. Before I do your exercise and form empathy for him I want to say…He had no right to yell at me. J3rk. And my girl’s got her arms crossed and her foot out and full on scrunch face.

    Friday, 14 September 2012 @ 8:38am

  927. 927: BelleNo Gravatar says:

    Miss Stix
    if it were my I’d probably just let myself jump up and down and pound the air with my fists and and scream “I’m FEELING SO MUCH STUUUUUFFFFFFFF RIGHT NOW!! aaaaaaggggghhhhhh!!!!!”

    It feels so much better to me to flow the energy rather than trying to tame it.
    What do you think?

    Friday, 14 September 2012 @ 8:40am

  928. 928: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you Bloom-ing, I do agree with that.
    He is an angry man too.
    But He has never hurt me intentionally, that was all about his own stuff. He is angry with himself and I got to bear the brunt and then I got angry.
    Since Rori’s tools we have stopped being angry, him too, and that has really brought us close.
    But he is who he is. I can accept all the issues but I can’t make him commit and I can’t make him stay and I don’t even want to try.
    So there we are.

    Friday, 14 September 2012 @ 8:44am

  929. 929: MissStixNo Gravatar says:


    Ohhhhhhhh I bet that would feel good!

    Friday, 14 September 2012 @ 8:46am

  930. 930: MissStixNo Gravatar says:


    Our problems are like opposite ends of the same stick.

    He will stay and he’s committed, but I can’t make him stop being angry so often.

    Friday, 14 September 2012 @ 8:49am

  931. 931: bloom-ingNo Gravatar says:

    omg miss stix, i was getting so flxpping mad at CD bc he was being all “Grumpy-face mmmahhh i have to work” & i was all “yeah, um, i do that like 40 hrs / wk… wtf” & then suddenly i flipped it around & remembered that i “act grumpy” about 100000000000 times more often than he does lol so i quickly forgave him & got on with practicing my own happiness : ) lol

    Friday, 14 September 2012 @ 8:50am

  932. 932: MissStixNo Gravatar says:

    I don’t even want him to stop feeling anger. If that’s the way his feelings manifest that’s fine. I’m just not hard enough to keep taking the impact over and over again. Not days like today anyways.

    Friday, 14 September 2012 @ 8:53am

  933. 933: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    No romance, no kissing, no touching, no caressing, no gifts, no candlelit dinners until I get a ring. Is that what Rori prescribes?

    No, yet I know in my heart it is romantic, and I just proved it accidentally by a possible future situation that could involve R.

    How do I combat this? Say no. Ok. But I want to talk about it. How how how??


    Friday, 14 September 2012 @ 9:04am

  934. 934: MissStixNo Gravatar says:

    Bloom-ing’s exercise,

    This is how it plays out in my mind:

    “Oh sh1t it’s already 6! I can’t take the bus. Now I gott