“Rori, Don’t get me wrong… I love men… love what they are about and how their differences are so …. different…
…the question that came up with my girl friends and I is when a man just starts chatting… and the meeting has not even taken place and he makes a casual reference to … now this has happened on two separate occasions recently with friends… sex…as in .. he has had no problems having his needs met when he needs to and all of the encounters were healthy adult consenting ones…and the other was a reference to the type of woman a guy was once with … we all felt sick.
It felt somehow inappropriate to talk about another woman and sex with no trust or relating having developed…
I thought initially I was being uptight… I am always challenging myself…however if we are to listen to what our bodies say… sick says there is something off… will Rori and the group be able to talk about these sorts of issues as they arise … there is no set answer… for any situation.. however there needs to be a method…Thanks, Lois
Lois – For me, there’s more to it than just a man making you feel “sick” by what he says.
How you react to something a man says or does is about YOU – not him.
Once you can see and feel and “get” that, clearly – everything gets so much clearer.
In other words – a man is perhaps just awkward and says stupid things.
Or he has an agenda…
Or he’s wounded…
Or …he’s unconscious, or mean, or not very smart…or just sweetly clueless…
…AND…None of this matters!
What matters here is:
If you feel nauseous when a man says something – you SHARE what you feel with him.
You SAY it.
This is all about saying…”I feel…I don’t want…”
“I feel nauseous…I know this is just communication going on, and yet don’t feel good hearing about sex from a man I hardly know….I don’t want to continue talking about this…”
Once you open up communication in a true, real, deep and scary way – ALL things become possible.
Frogs sometimes turn into princes, and sometimes princes show up as frogs!
And then, you get to make a choice about what feels best: “Shall I stay and continue talking, or shall I hang up the phone or turn around and leave the room?”