2 Years In A Relationship Without Sex Or Commitment

relationshipHere’s a letter from “Elena,” who’s enduring a relationship situation that’s actually quite common, though it seems extreme.

It’s about “waiting” for a man, holding “rules” about sex and relationship that aren’t working (in my thinking, at least) – and making a decision about a man who’s “on the fence” in so many ways…

“Rori, I have been in a relationship for 2 years that was heading towards marriage. I really didn’t love my guy first and he was the one chasing me. it took him a lot of work to get me. He treated me like a queen. I said that I don’t wanna sleep with him until we get married and he agreed. But lately, he started doubting his feelings for me and telling me that he doesn’t know if he loves me or he is just attracted to me physically.

He, later admitted that he slept with somebody and that he couldn’t help it. He begged me to forgive him and asked me to be his wife. After just 2 months, he started making comments about the way I dress and that he feels jealous when other guys stare at me as I wear tight clothes or shorts! We disputed about this issue and again he started showing reluctance towards marriage, saying that he is worried that we won’t get along!!! And he stopped calling me for 12 days now!!! I’m really fed up! I love him, though and I don’t know what to do. Any advice will be very helpful, thanks…Elena”

Here’s My Answer:

2 years is a very long time.

You must get with the Circular Dating program (since you’re not having sex, you won’t have any difficulties with it).

And – for me, it is not useful to be in a relationship 2 years without sex.

It causes all kinds of weirdness. It makes the sex way too important.

For him to wait this long without sex is weird for him.

He sounds immature, and the fact that there is no sex is just taking up too much room in his head.  Your physical attractiveness is becoming too big a thing.

There is no easy solution here.

If you sleep with him, chances are he’ll pull away and you’ll feel bad.

If you keep going like this – it won’t just simply get better.

Sex is part of relationship – and, in my experience – if you’re a grown woman “waiting until marriage” to have sex is a useless position to take.

I realize there are cultural and religious issues here – and though I want to be respectful of them, in my experience, most of the time, grownups who VOLUNTARILY CHOOSE to hold these kinds of rigid positions around sex actually have mental, psychological, and often sexual orientation issues around sex, too.

And men who have issues around sex end up being very challenging in other ways as well.

For a man – being good in bed and sexually mature is essentially about understanding women a bit, loving women, loving women’s bodies, and wanting touch and physical connection.

For a man who’s in love, sex is essentially a way of expressing that love.

If he’s not in love, it’s still a way of communicating and connecting – just not in the way you want.

Most men are not so callous and addicted as to view sex or even experience it as a physical release only – like other physical functions.

Most men would certainly NOT be interested in having sex with a woman a second time unless there was more in it for him than the physical. She would have to make him feel good in some way (okay – her being amazing in bed might be enough to make him keep coming back…but even that would wear off for him).

It would be WAY easier for a man to pay for sex and have no emotional connection than to take you out to dinner, woo you into bed, and have sex with you, and then abuse you by leaving or giving you the “friends” speech.

No matter what – he’s looking for SOME kind of human connection and human touch.

Or he’s too toxic for you to even consider seeing again.

A grown man who’ll stay close to you and (mostly) exclusive for 2 years without sex is a man with issues – especially if he knows marrying you would give him the sex.

I would love for you to consider all this, and see what your position about sex is getting you.  Is it helping you find the kind of man you want?  Is waiting 2 years a good plan?

Please read about Circular Dating here on the blog – opening your world and your heart up to other men can’t do anything but help you.

Love, Rori

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1,258 Comments to “2 Years In A Relationship Without Sex Or Commitment”

  1. 1: JillyNo Gravatar says:

    ooooh…am I first? :)

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 7:42am

  2. 2: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Jilly

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 7:46am

  3. 3: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Two years wow

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 7:47am

  4. 4: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    Hey Jilly!!!


    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 7:49am

  5. 5: JillyNo Gravatar says:

    hmmm…I like this article…2 years is definitely a long time to be in a relationship with no sex

    “Sex is part of relationship – and, in my experience – if you’re a grown woman “waiting until marriage” to have sex is a useless position to take.”

    I really like that

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 7:49am

  6. 6: JillyNo Gravatar says:

    Dominique …good morning!!! :)

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 7:50am

  7. 7: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    Feminiewoman – you are here too. hello.


    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 7:57am

  8. 8: JillyNo Gravatar says:

    If a relationship doesn’t seem to be moving forward or growing more expansive then that is my clue that something is “off”…this hasn’t happened to me but if I was in a relationship past the 1 year mark and all of a sudden he was having doubts….well…that would tell me a lot…

    I think it’s in commitment blueprint where Rori says a man can know within 2 weeks…I will go re-watch it to see exactly what she says but the impression I got was, we’ve always been told it takes a man awhile to really know if we are the one but that’s not true.

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 7:59am

  9. 9: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    When do I get to be first? LOL!

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 8:09am

  10. 10: EmoticonNo Gravatar says:

    I was just reading Rori’s email from this morning, and thinking about my situation with that CD who saw us as ‘friends” and the email was on how to get his undying love. I want undying love, but will I ever get that from HIM? Maybe, maybe not. i’m not waiting to find out! If he’s ever ready to give me that he can give me a call….. if I’m not completely taken by then

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 8:23am

  11. 11: EmoticonNo Gravatar says:

    Interesting story though…. you know even while growing up catholic, i always believed in “try before u buy” (lol) so I wanted to experience what my married life (including sex) would feel liek with somebody before i married them.

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 8:25am

  12. 12: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    lk, from the other thread, thank you for offering to skype with me! I didn’t see it until this morning.
    I took a shower but didn’t feel better. i felt sad and like if i called him, i would turn him off with my bizarre, sudden sadness, and if i didn’t call him i’d look like a b*tch who doesn’t call people back. I felt trapped. I called him back because I said I would and he asked me too. And then I just broke down crying and was so paralyzed…i felt humiliated. i felt like everything was crashing down on me and i would never find anyone to ever “tolerate” my sadness, and i mean i just felt really really really bad.

    CF stayed on the phone with me for 2 hours just being there for me while I was so overwhelmingly sad and feeling very alone. Which almost made me feel worse, because I feel so afraid he will decide that now that he is seeing these parts of me, he is turned off and not interested, after i make an effort to let him in and trust him when i’m feeling low. yikes!

    but he was very kind to me, and I told him the next day was going to feel rough for me, that i feel so embarrassed already and i can only imagine how tomorrow will feel. and he said that he was just going to have to call me in the morning to tell me how amazing he thinks i am, and remind me throughout the day…

    really sweet of him. hard for me to really FEEL it and feel safe about it. i’m waiting for the other shoe to drop. and also really really conditioned to believe i am not worthy of support when i am sad (especially sad for no direct reason that makes sense to another person).

    and i just want to beat myself up as a reflex. but i keep catching myself doing it and instead sending love to myself and smiling at myself and saying “it’s okay, Starla, you’re instaforgiven anyway,” which is what CF says to me whenever stuff happens, that I’m “instaforgiven,”

    and i hope his love is real and because he wants and adores me, and not some generic humanitarian thing.

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 8:31am

  13. 13: TiffanyNo Gravatar says:

    BW, from last thread – I’m happy to hear the test was negative! But yeah, still probably a good idea to try again. Or even wait a week or something. Sometimes there isn’t enough HCg in the system to show up on the home tests. A blood test from a doctor would definitely confirm. And yeah (to Brenda, or whomever), bleeding does not necessarily indicate non-pregnancy, especially early on. Interesting stuff. I can’t believe I know so much about this, even though I’ve never been pregnant. But I’ve had a few “scares.” I took a test once, and thought it was positive, but it wasn’t. (whew!) And one time, I also believe that I may have had a pregnancy that simply ended and went with my period at the time. I was glad, too, because I really didn’t want a baby with that partner….


    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 8:32am

  14. 14: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    I felt scared he wanted to get off the phone with me or didn’t want to deal with me, but he just kept saying, “ohh i’m prepared to stay on this phone all night with you if it’s what you need.” and it made me feel so much better. i’ve never felt so reassured and taken care of by another human being in my whole life, except for my best friend of 18 years.

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 8:36am

  15. 15: lkNo Gravatar says:


    please pray for me. i have to do work & i’m feeling so burnt out.

    i will pray for you. ” insta-forgiveness ” is what i will try to practice from now on : )

    ahhh magic, welcome down : )

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 8:37am

  16. 16: TiffanyNo Gravatar says:

    ‘Sex is part of relationship – and, in my experience – if you’re a grown woman “waiting until marriage” to have sex is a useless position to take.’

    I really like this quote as well. Well, maybe “like” isn’t the word for it. I feel some resistance, actually. But it’s helpful to hear this from what I consider to be a trusted source on relationship issues. It makes sense, according to human nature. And I know that I *do* have issues around sex, which is why I’ve tried to take this “rigid stance” in the past. And it has NEVER worked for me. Because I always FAIL to live up to this impossible standard of perfection and purity, or whatever….wow.

    I don’t know if Rori made this post because of anything I wrote recently, but I so needed to hear this. And I want to keep thinking about this and see how it feels.

    Can I LET myself be sexually intimate with a man BEFORE a marriage commitment, and be okay with it? maybe it doesn’t make me a bad person. Can it be just part of a relationship and not a scary hurdle to get over, or a way to manipulate people? Wow. So many things to think about…

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 8:38am

  17. 17: TiffanyNo Gravatar says:

    “Insta-forgiven” I like that :)

    Starla – I missed what made you feel sad. But wow, it sounds like CF was so supportive of you. I feel a little bit jealous, but only because I think I rejected OM’s efforts to do the same :( …I hope you feel better.

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 8:41am

  18. 18: lkNo Gravatar says:

    wow, starla…. sounds so different from even just a month ago when you were feeling afraid he would react to your Triggered-ness with Triggered-ness in kind….. & now you feel him brave & steady…. i feel moved thinking of it

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 8:44am

  19. 19: EmoticonNo Gravatar says:

    Awww Starla that sounds so sweet n comforting. Everybody wants someone who wants to stay on the phone with them! LOL 😀

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 8:44am

  20. 20: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    lk 14 for your work, here is the lord ganesha mantra, obstacle breaker – om gam ganapataye namaha. Maybe putting it in your ears will motivate you the way it motivates me:)


    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 8:46am

  21. 21: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    and lk, here is a different version of the same mantra, but an hour’s worth and much more song-like to listen to:) it’s nice.


    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 8:49am

  22. 22: TiffanyNo Gravatar says:

    This is maybe a little nit-picky. But I think I know why OM “bounced” away from me. I may feel all indignant about what happened, and this and that. I may have started to “reject” him in my mind, on Friday night (and i did). But ultimately, those things didn’t do it.

    What I did was, in my panic, and overwhelm, and feeling too many feelings – instead of just feeling them and being who I was, I “did” stuff. I may have felt like “I need a break.” But I could have taken it without telling him. And then when I felt like “I am not going to leave or abandon this relationship,” I could have done it – without telling him.

    The fact that I was “thinking,” “acting” and “making decisions” by writing to him and communicating my thoughts (rather than my feelings) made me manly, in those few days after the incident. And maybe I felt so vulnerable that I needed to do this “manly” thing in order to cover up that hurt and pain. But really, I was just not letting him in and pushing him away. :(

    I feel sad to think about that. It seems pretty irretrievable. But maybe it’s not….

    I probably don’t want to admit that I really liked him. But if I didn’t, none of this would matter to me. And as I was talking to my boss yesterday, she said it seemed like we really liked each other. And she used the present tense, too, which was interesting. Because right now, I feel as if he DOESN’T like me. I feel “hated.” And yet, maybe that’s not true…Maybe he likes me a lot, as my feminine self.

    But he is rejecting my masculine behavior. And I can agree with him. I am not a man. I don’t need to make the decisions here. I only need to make decisions for myself. He is the man. So maybe saying that “it won’t work” was his way of staking out his masculine territory. Of making a “decision” and claiming his freedom – as a man.

    Every man wants freedom – in and out of a relationship. If he didn’t feel like I was giving him freedom, then it would make sense that he would take it for himself. And maybe that feels bad to me. But it doesn’t have to mean that he is “abandoning” me. He (as a man) just needs and wants to know that he can come and go as he pleases, and that it’s okay for him to be who he is. So if he’s free to go…then he is free and safe to return as well…. :)

    And that is where I still get to be feminine and soft and feeling and receptive. I am loving me. So that he can come back, and love me, too, if he chooses.

    Or not…and I also plan to upload a few new photos to my dating site. I am making plans with friends, and plan to have a good time and enjoy life. I am not giving up on me, and I am not giving up on relationship. I know I can do this…Go me!

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 8:56am

  23. 23: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    This is worth reviewing:-

    Every mistake you and I make with men are mistakes we’ve been TAUGHT are the right things to do!
    And they’re the mistakes that men ENCOURAGE us to make – even DARE us to make.
    Men are USED to women making these mistakes, and they’re only too happy to let us make them over and over because they make things easy for them.
    These are the mistakes that make it easier for a man to avoid intimacy and responsibility, and they make him feel good in the moment.
    But the truth is – these mistakes men encourage us to make don’t make a man feel better in the LONG TERM.
    And they make us feel bad almost from the moment we make them.
    So, what are these mistakes?
    And how can we turn them around – actually reverse the whole process that’s making a man withdraw so that he’ll come running after you – even stronger than he did at the beginning?
    Until you get the program, for now, let’s look at these mistakes in a general way that will help you right now.
    Most of the mistakes we make with men look like this:
    We believe we have to:
    – find a man
    – approach him
    – get him talking
    – interest him
    – get him to call
    – make him feel good
    – show him we’re independent
    – meet him halfway about everything
    – tell him where we want to go on dates
    – make plans
    – schedule everything
    – drive ourselves
    – be understanding
    – make time for him
    – tell him what we want and pretty much keep things going by DOING something.
    (No wonder we’re tired and disheartened!)
    At some point in the “relationship,” – usually when we start getting closer physically – we begin to focus in on him in the way we’ve been taught.
    And no matter how self-sufficient and smart and strong we think we are – we turn into “girlfriends” and HOPE that the “relationship” will go where we want it to go.
    And does this work with a man?
    In fact – it pushes him away!
    And this place we find ourselves in – of believing we have to DO something to find, get, and keep the man of our dreams – this is just what we see all around us, and what we’ve likely done all our lives.
    So – how to stop DOING?
    This shift from DOING to just BEING is the difference between Masculine Energy – which is all about doing and thinking and acting, and Feminine Energy – which is all about being and feeling and experiencing.
    Just imagine – if what you want is a man who treats you well, cares for you, and ACTS LIKE A MASCULINE MAN – then what will you get if you initiate, chat up, chase, call and DO FOR him?
    What you’ll get is: Nothing

    Love, Rori

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 9:06am

  24. 24: TiffanyNo Gravatar says:

    Dominique – I feel like I want to ask you something. Not quite sure how to word it…but you seem to be the expert on “healing through sex,” and relaxing and enjoying physical pleasure, even when there is some fear and maybe hurt or pain involved (emotional pain, I mean)….

    I just wish that I could do that. Or rather, I feel it in me. I know it is there. But to relax and NOT have the crazy, knee-jerk reactions that I’ve had in the past, when a situation puts me “over the edge”….I was so close to doing that this time (relaxing). But I didn’t do it. I felt it there, underneath all the anger, resentment and lashing out, and running away, even.

    In some part of me, yes, I COULD accept what happened on Friday night, and be okay with it. It’s my ego that got in the way, and felt hurt, and felt like I “needed” to reject this person for “hurting” me.

    When, in fact, the truth is, he didn’t hurt me AT ALL. That was simply a perception that I had, based on the uncomfortable feelings that I had after the fact. And I don’t know how to be comfortable with uncomfortable feelings and not make the other person feel uncomfortable as well…yet. But I’d like to.

    I’m sure there is no trick to it. I am sure it is just something that you either do it or you don’t. I feel sad and a little self-critical that I didn’t. I have this sense that that was the “me” he wanted to see – and in fact that maybe that nonchalant reaction is a little closer to “me” than the one I had. Now I feel that I’ve put a wall up between us – the wall of these layers of secondary emotions that are meant to “protect” me. When the real me is behind that wall, and I am perfectly fine. I am writing this, and wondering if I can take the wall down, and if that would help allow him to come to me? Maybe I just gave myself the answer I was looking for.

    I don’t even know what my question is. But I really value what you said before about this – about what happaned maybe just being a new step in our relationship. And that sounded good to me. I feel like I somehow managed to “screw it up” anyway. But I wonder if you have any perspective on it from the way things are now – with me having already pushed him away? (like I feared that I would….)

    And I want to work on this, because I know that if I don’t start to practice something different, then it will always come up for me. And I’m scared. But I want to know what it’s like on the other side of that “wall.”

    Thanks, Dominique!! xoxo

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 9:10am

  25. 25: StarlaNo Gravatar says:


    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 9:16am

  26. 26: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    Tiffany – I find that healing through the body is one of the most effective and long lasting ways to go, and this can and will feel really good if you can include your sexuality within this paradigm.

    You didn’t screw anything up no matter how you felt then, feel now, and no matter what happens on his end of it.

    However you respond is what you need in that moment to either protect yourself or to alert yourself that there’s healing needed in this area.

    Healing through your body with or without the sexuality is a process. We have all built up years of protection and guarding in the form of tension/holding in the muscles which can and often does distort the structure.

    Unwinding these holding patterns first of takes awareness and then a gentle coaxing, encouraging those places to release.

    I did a series of youtube videos showing you how to do this. If you go to my site and register for the free e-book on the top right side of every page (you will receive the download right away), the series will be sent to you over the course of a few days.

    As for relaxing and opening via your sexuality, this too is a process. I usually suggest starting this with yourself by yourself. Exploring yourself, finding places outside and inside which not only feel good but also feel not so good, painful even.

    My book has a whole section devoted to this. It’s inexpensive and contains a wealth of all kinds of information, including healing of yourself, your relationships, supports for this, eg. herbal and essential oils, and much more.

    I don’t know if I’ve answered your question , so feel free to keep asking if I haven’t. \


    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 9:39am

  27. 27: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    I had a significant breakthrough in understanding Ryan last night, and in finding healing in my heart of hearts.

    I don’t want to give all the details, because it is some really deep stuff. I had contacted him a couple days ago, letting him know I was really struggling with depression. Here were some of his words, which I extracted from our text conversation:

    I hate to see you suffer. Especially without need. I guess the best advice is to just stay away from me until I heal. I think you should avoid me. You’re putting your hand in the fire. It’s not safe. You should avoid me for your safety. You need to stay away from me until I’m healed. It’s very important.

    It was very healing for me to have HIM protect me… And for him to finally confirm what is what after all my confusion and pain. I feel so happy that I got this from him. It’s hard to describe what it means to me, and how healing it is.

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 9:40am

  28. 28: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    oh this post feels soooooo triggering.

    It makes me feel sad and confused and a little angry.

    I have to politely disagree with your viewpoint. I’m a virgin, waiting till marriage. It is really difficult sometimes, especially since I have been deeply in love before.

    But I am so thankful that I did not sleep with that man, even though I felt a deeper love for him than I have ever felt, because that is something I can give to the man who will TRULY love me.

    I know this might trigger a ton of people. I realize that there are probably few virgins on this blog and I know that so many precious women here have experienced pain that I may never know.

    In my personal experiences, it is usually not the man who doesn’t want to commit, but me, due to a ton of fears and insecurities.

    If a man loves you, he will give you the commitment that you want.

    If you both agree to wait, then the sex can be the final seal on an already beautiful relationship.

    You are already committed to each other, so there is no risk of awkwardness or miscommunication or of one party still “having the power” to leave the relationship.

    If you save sex for each other, you have no “good sex” to compare the other “bad sex” with, because the only sex you have is with someone to whom you are committed in marriage.

    I keep reading on this blog over and over and over again that when a woman sleeps with a man, it bonds her to him, and not the other way around.

    I keep reading that a man can have sex and simply enjoy the physical act of it, without having any kind of emotional feelings involved.

    For a woman, her sexuality involves ALL of her; her heart, mind, body, and emotions.

    While some women may be able to sleep with a man without feeling “emotionally and hormonally” bonded to him, it is my impression that most cannot.

    Sex is bonding for men too. Since it is so important to them (both sexes really,) why are we giving it up without the commitment we want?

    Why buy the cow when you can have the milk for free, as the old saying goes.

    To me, when a woman sleeps with a man without the commitment she wants, she is giving up so much of her power to that man.

    I have virgin and non-virgin single friends.

    The non-virgin break-ups are ALWAYS worse. My friends have given their hearts, bodies, and souls to men and women only to have them leave them.

    Usually the man can leave the relationship much easily than her, simply because of his differences.

    Again, I know this is a sensitive topic.

    I’m not meaning to judge anybody. I’m just asking you to consider the sexual power we have as women.

    Not as a tool to manipulate our men, of course not. But as a huge motivation to commit to us, maybe yes.

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 9:45am

  29. 29: EmoticonNo Gravatar says:

    I am in the process of writing a farewell note (card) to my friend who is evicting me and also not speaking to me. I don’t hate her and i’m not even angry, but I have been scared to approach her because I know her anger can be explosive (and was), which is why I stayed locked up in my room until 2day. It feels difficult to write, but i will allow myself to be vulnerable at least on paper for now. Sigh, all the best Emoticon, just do what you need to do.

    I really am not going to explain myself, just apologize for my part in whatever happened, so that I can feel better, even if we never become friends again.

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 9:48am

  30. 30: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    lamabutterfly, your choice to wait till marriage is largely informed by your religious beliefs, is it not? Rori says this is something different, and not an indication that something is “wrong.”

    how old are you? I was almost 22 when I lost my virginity.

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 9:49am

  31. 31: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    “Most men would certainly NOT be interested in having sex with a woman a second time unless there was more in it for him than the physical.”

    Really, Rori? How many countless letters have we read on here about broken-hearted women who have been in sex-only or friends-with-benefits situations, where the woman is in love with a man who uses her for sex?

    I don’t want to be disrespectful, but the quoted statement seems inconsistent with everything else you’ve written…

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 9:50am

  32. 32: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    @Starla 30 – Yes, it is due to my religious beliefs. But it is also consistent with my logic, because for me, the two have to be in harmony, or else it wouldn’t be my religion, lol.

    I’m 27.

    I feel really embarassed to be a 27-year-old virgin sometimes.

    but I feel really thankful too…

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 9:54am

  33. 33: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    I’m 27 too. I understand you feel embarrassed but I think your choice is lovely if it is in line with your beliefs. I was embarrassed at 21, even though i really believed in my virginity.

    And while a part of your choice ISN’T exactly religious, your entire belief system is touched by your religion one way or another, and again, I see Rori explicitly saying in this article that this is something different, and not something she is advising against. I like your defensiveness of your choice:D I like the fire in you to do what YOU believe and not let anyone else tell you you’re wrong. But Rori’s not saying you’re wrong here;)

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 9:59am

  34. 34: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    31 lamabutterfly, sorry if it seems like I’m the Rori Defender or something, lol, but she did say “MOST men would certainly NOT be interested in having sex with a woman a second time unless there was more in it for him than the physical.” Not “all men.” And we’re a dating advice community, so I can imagine that a higher proportion of women exists here with this issue and it’s not a true reflection of the general population.

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 10:02am

  35. 35: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    @33 & 34 – Starla – thank you for being so respectful, as I felt really scared to write about this!
    It feels so good to be respected!

    I think I get what you’re saying; the men who WOULD use a woman for sex without caring about her are jerks.

    but there sure to seem to be a lot of jerks out there…

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 10:07am

  36. 36: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    Iamabutterfly – Everyone is unique, and each of us has a unique path which feels right and good to us. And our paths can change over time, meaning what we once believed doesn’t hold true over the long haul, and then again some of our beliefs stay with us always.

    There’s no need to feel anything negative about what you want even if not a single person on the planet agrees with you. Not that I think you do.

    I don’t think Rori is being contradictory though she did make a bit of a blanket statement here that I think even she will agree is not quite in line with what she thinks.

    A good man will not string you along for the sex only, and I think maybe this is what she meant.

    Also to mutually agree to enter into a FWB arrangement only to become attached over time does not make the man the bad guy.

    It has been my experience that very few FWB situations work out okay, but I suppose it has happened.

    I don’t think it’s the sex that’s the important thing here but the connection you establish and continue to create.

    It is true that most men will not want to wait for sex which is indeed a wonderful part of an intimate relationship, a beautiful sharing that only deepens an already good relationship.

    For men it’s how they best connect to us or rather feel connected to us.

    Yet there are some men out there who will wait, not many, but they are there. You will find what you want.


    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 10:07am

  37. 37: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    Thank you very much for what you said. I will be candid: I struggle with this issue. I was a virgin until I was 34.

    I was saving myself for the right man. At age 34, I found out for the first time that such a thing exists as an orgasm. That is one example of how utterly sheltered I was. I was growing increasingly crazed, frustrated, and emotional over not having sex.

    I had always believed it was a blessing, and it started to feel like a curse. I struggled within myself for a very long time, and it was that year that I started pleasuring myself in a serious way.

    Finally, I didn’t care anymore. I met a man at a picnic, and I offered myself to him that night. He had invited me to his house. Eventually, I took the initiative to lay down in his bed while he was in the living room. He said, “This could get kind of compromising, you know.” I had told him I was a virgin.

    He had 4 hours of foreplay with me – he made my first time special. He was amazed at my lovemaking skills, asking me, “Where did you learn THAT?!”

    I said, “In my fantasies.” And it was the truth. I wasn’t just giving him a line.

    In the years following that, I went off and on repeatedly having sex and then not having sex with men. I would explode, go for it, then retreat, feeling tremendous guilt and shame.

    Finally, I went on all-out sex binge, attending sex clubs off and on for a few years. I had sex publicly, nude, in a hot tub with about 30 men watching. I had a 4-some. I was lied to and taken advantage of at least twice by men who WANTED to get me pregnant. Then once again, I felt overwhelmed with shame and guilt. I felt the grace of God knowing that I narrowly escaped getting pregnant or diseased. I felt empty.

    I got my life right with God, and I stopped. I am not perfect, and I am not a virgin. But where I am at today is back to waiting til marriage. I believe two spirits join when two people have sex. I believe “soul ties” are a very real thing, and they can be very damaging in many senses.

    It is hard to be without sex, but I believe strongly that it has made me stronger, far stronger. I have developed a backbone of steel. I often recall the words of my precious, fatherly pastor when I was 25. He was delicately discussing sex and romance with me when I had my first boyfriend. He had said, “With the right person, you should be able to talk about sex like mashed potatoes and gravy.”

    After I felt his purity toward me in a fatherly way, I ventured to say to him, “I have always heard that everybody has a God-shaped hole that only God can fill. I am saying that I have a man-shaped hole, that only a man can fill!”

    He laughed heartily! Then he said with such kindness, “You’ll just have to control yourself, dear! A relationship needs to come together first on a spiritual level, then on an intellectual level, then on an emotional level, and last on a physical level. If any one of these levels are skipped, the relationship will ultimately short circuit.”

    His words held deep wisdom. I have tested and tried them over the years, and my conclusion is this: He is right, and I wish I had just stayed with that. I would have saved myself much pain.

    Part of my personal quest right now is to find a way to do this and truly be strong, and to truly be at peace with saving lovemaking for the marriage bed. It is hard. So many slip because they learn these ideals but can’t actually live them (obviously, myself included).

    Yet after 48 years of life, and far less sex than the average person, I find it IS possible, and the character and strength I have developed in holding out is valuable. Pride goes before a fall, so let me be quick to say I am forgiven, not perfect, and that I have had sex within the last year. I am growing and becoming.

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 10:10am

  38. 38: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    RE 31 Iamabutterfly I post some comments yesterday to maybe BW, can’t remember now, after reading Lilibee’s comments. I don’t know where you live but I was listening to Elvis Duran on Z100, a radio talk show where they were discussing sex. A man called in saying he met a girl who was perfect in every way. Her looks, body, every way was what he said. What killed it for him, he said, was the fact that she had sex with him the first time out. They were basically discussing if they can do sex for just sex regardless of how terrible a man might be, just because the sex is good. I have the man’s point of view before but experiencing someone who actually lived it was shocking to me. Apparently he wanted more with the girl but the fact that she did not want to hold out on sex ended up with him feeling turned off by the following day. I am not saying this is the rule because I am sure any number of people could argue about it. All I am saying is that it exists, at least for this one man. I get the impression that maybe he somehow felt that was what she was in it for.

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 10:11am

  39. 39: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    I’m thinking of this friend I have who really liked me. I loved having him as friend, and I was VERY sexually attracted to him. But I didn’t feel a spiritual or emotional connection with him, so I didn’t feel right agreeing to relationship with him…

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 10:11am

  40. 40: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Two more comments that are related: As I have said, Ryan has evil spirits. We never had out-and-out sex, but we played sexually. He did not have sex with me because he knew the evil spirits would transfer. It became clear that even with the light sexual play we had, I was attacked directly. It is something too deep to say any more here.

    The other comment is the retired cop I dated the other day said in his career as a cop in a major city, he arrested almost 100 priests for sexual crimes during his 6 year tenure.

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 10:12am

  41. 41: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    @38 Feminine Woman – Thank you SO MUCH for your comment. This is EXACTLY the kind of thing I’m talking about…

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 10:13am

  42. 42: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Emoticon I so feel your pain but I believe you are on a good path.

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 10:17am

  43. 43: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    @36 Dominique – Thank you so much for your comments. You are always so gentle and truthful and respectful and I can’t thank you enough for that.

    I just had one question: what does FWB stand for?

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 10:18am

  44. 44: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Ok Mr. Chemical is into texting photos, and he sent me a photo of him with sunglasses in his car that he just took today.

    I don’t find him all that handsome, just average, not ugly. So I said “Nice!”

    He said, “Nice, but do you find me attractive?”

    I said yes, but I feel yucky when a man fishes for a compliment. It feels forced. I don’t know. Is this just me or would you feel turned off, too, if a man asked that?

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 10:20am

  45. 45: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Now he wrote, “Want me? LOL”

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 10:20am

  46. 46: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    I wrote, “The jury is still out on that. I haven’t met you yet. I feel pressured.”

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 10:21am

  47. 47: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    I didn’t say all this, BTW:

    but I feel yucky when a man fishes for a compliment. It feels forced. I don’t know. Is this just me or would you feel turned off, too, if a man asked that?

    At that juncture, I just said “yes” (I was attracted).

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 10:22am

  48. 48: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Mr. Chemical: I was just saying Brenda…please don’t feel pressured.

    I just said “Ok”, but what it reminds me of is when a little kid who doesn’t know any better says, “Mommy, look! Watch me swing! Didn’t I do a good job?”

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 10:23am

  49. 49: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 10:25am

  50. 50: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    FWB = friends with benefits


    PS – you’re welcome Iamabutterfly.

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 10:26am

  51. 51: lkNo Gravatar says:


    wow, he sounds fun to txt with… : ) good practice !! : )

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 10:32am

  52. 52: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    @37 Brenda – ((((Hugs)))) I understand the struggle completely, believe me. I have pleasured myself, upon discovery of it when I was really little. Of course I had no idea what I was doing, but I still felt guilty for some reason.

    I have found that “the self act,” if you will, accomplishes nothing. It feels good, of course, but it doesn’t bond you to anyone, unless of course you are fantasizing about a specific someone you know while doing it…

    What does accomplish is producing a desire for the act of sex itself.

    That may be why it was so much harder not to give into that guy when you were 34…

    That’s why I try to avoid “the self act…”

    The bible talks about fleeing lust. It’s not considered lust within the marriage union!

    If I get all turned on by a man, I get myself out of the position.

    The desire does pass if you can distract yourself, and if the man respects you, though he may feel jilted, he will let you get out of the compromising position.

    and still want to be with and get to know you on deeper levels!

    I’ve had and seen it happen!!

    The fact that I didn’t have sex with the guy who broke my heart didn’t lessen the pain for me. It still took me three years to get over, and it still hurts sometimes.

    But will it hurt when I give the last thing I have, my body, to the man I marry?

    I doubt it.

    The fact that I didn’t have sex with the guy who broke my heart didn’t lessen the pain for me.

    Except that maybe it did…

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 10:32am

  53. 53: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Brenda, 48, he seems sincere in responding to your feelings appropriately. Remember to cut guys slack. As socially awkward women, we do and say stuff all the time that probably makes us look like losers, lol, remember that when guys are trying to win you over.

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 10:33am

  54. 54: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    For anyone who’s interested in an example of a man fleeing a sexual situation…


    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 10:41am

  55. 55: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    RE: #53 – Thanks for the reminder. He is in the process of turning me off.

    I playfully sent him a picture of my German Shepherds yawning in the passenger seat of my car, saying “This is what I look like today.”

    He said “Nice pet!”

    B: No, that’s me! :-)

    C: Scary!

    B: What big teeth I have!

    C: LOL!

    B: :-)

    C: Have to be extra careful if we get intimate…lol

    B: LOL

    C: I don’t want to get bruised on sensitive body parts…lol

    I did my last “LOL” to be gracious, as you are saying. Then he had to go there and give me a graphic thought of his penis. I feel turned off.

    So far, I haven’t responded. Being gracious by not writing “I feel turned off”, I guess. I mean heck, I have already told him I wanted it to develop organically. I feel pressured at every turn. I have already told him I don’t want to go straight to sex. I feel like he is on the verge of disrespecting my boundaries, and we haven’t even met yet.

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 10:41am

  56. 56: Jessie1000No Gravatar says:

    I like guys who know how to have fun without trying to get me in the back seat or pushing on the first dates to go to their house and “cuddle” which generally means, kissing on the couch, kissing in the bedroom, soon kissing all the parts and next thing you know then you dont know him but your vulnerable because you;ve opened yourself up to someone and have no idea if they are 1. datable. 2. broken. 3. married or committed to someone else. 4. seeing lots of other girls. 5. or the worst one….absolutely amazing in bed but a child in all other aspects of the relationship…you know him girls…the runner….books as soon as you start to like him or worse yet, gets you to like him but cant seem to have feelings for a fencepost never mind a woman!!! lol
    I hate the vulnerable part of the way too quick into bed so I like to try them out for a long time before I get my self into situations where I dont know what to expect. Lol
    I was a virgin till I married my first husband and he never cheated on me and would still fly back with me if he could….he said you have mastered the art of having fun….sometimes…I see in my girl friends that they dont know what to do to have fun….they are insecure and are afraid to wait and ask for a real date (I tell them right off…i dont make out but I will go on a Date with you….and usually the guys surprise me!) but one of my friends….M. she finds a man, takes him straight to bed, usually falls for the best lover, eventually falls for them and they dump her soooo hard. They dump her like a hot potatoe because they had no interest in Dating…they just wanted sex and showed that from the very first because they wanted a girl who was wild in bed not a girl that was fun to take snowboarding…..Get to know the guys first…their friends, their past, their interests and HOLD OUT! If they dont feel like going out they may not even want to be seen in public with you…PLAYERS are notorious for that….they can date 10 girls in a small town because they never go in public with them lol and they call you baby so they dont mix up the names of the girls (lol and they are usually the sexiest and the most fun too but have hearts of stone).

    I feel like all of you women on this blog are so wonderful and have had such hard times, I see loneliness abounds in many of the girls that struggle with men who drop out of sight and abandonment stuff and ive experienced them too but I have been using Roris words and they work like a charm.
    “That doesnt make me happy” and sometimes I even say “I need you” and my man (the one I like the most) always says OMG do You? YOu always seem like you dont need anything! Lol and if he cancels or wants to do something with me that is boring …I say…the gym is fun and I like to do chest with you (lol he makes me do weights) but I want to do something that will make ME happy tonight and he says –ok and I say think about it….so last week when I said that i didnt want to just go to the gym, he surprised me and took me to a romantic restaurant lol with candles and beautiful art on the walls….

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 10:45am

  57. 57: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Brenda, I think he’s just an eager beaver. Try to put yourself in his shoes.

    It must feel uncomfortable to have a decent and available man come on to you. Sink into your feelings. Even if it’s judgment. Go slow. You don’t have to respond quickly to his texts. He is the first man in your brand new sireny dating life. You can do things differently with this one:)

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 10:48am

  58. 58: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    RE: #52 – “I understand the struggle completely, believe me. I have pleasured myself, upon discovery of it when I was really little. Of course I had no idea what I was doing, but I still felt guilty for some reason.

    I have found that “the self act,” if you will, accomplishes nothing. It feels good, of course, but it doesn’t bond you to anyone, unless of course you are fantasizing about a specific someone you know while doing it…

    What does accomplish is producing a desire for the act of sex itself.

    That may be why it was so much harder not to give into that guy when you were 34…

    That’s why I try to avoid “the self act…”

    The bible talks about fleeing lust. It’s not considered lust within the marriage union!

    If I get all turned on by a man, I get myself out of the position.

    The desire does pass if you can distract yourself, and if the man respects you, though he may feel jilted, he will let you get out of the compromising position.

    and still want to be with and get to know you on deeper levels!

    I’ve had and seen it happen!!

    The fact that I didn’t have sex with the guy who broke my heart didn’t lessen the pain for me. It still took me three years to get over, and it still hurts sometimes.

    But will it hurt when I give the last thing I have, my body, to the man I marry?

    I doubt it.

    The fact that I didn’t have sex with the guy who broke my heart didn’t lessen the pain for me.

    Except that maybe it did…”

    I like to shock Christian circles by saying that if I didn’t pleasure myself, I would have been pregnant and diseased many times over! I could NOT continue if I didn’t do that. So I suppose that is a matter of opinion and preference.

    Even James Dobson of “Focus on the Family” okays self-pleasuring for adolescents and teens. It keeps me from having sex with men. If I didn’t do that, whew, no telling where I’d be every night!

    I think fleeing lust is avoiding having excessive sexual thoughts over a man. I feel no guilt whatsoever in pleasuring myself. It keeps me alive and keeps me tapped into who I am as a feminine woman.

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 10:52am

  59. 59: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Oops, I didn’t mean to completely repost your post.

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 10:53am

  60. 60: JulieNo Gravatar says:

    Hello everyone..boy can I relate to this sex discussion. I grew up poor, and my father deserted us when I was 2 years old. I remember someone came into my bedroom when I was sick with the mumps and molested me. I only have vague impressions of who it was but I guess in my mind he represented “a man with power who talked softly to me and asked if it felt good” But when my mother took me across the street to a diner run by friends
    I screamed bloody murder, cried and tried to wrap myself around one of the stools. She thought it was funny and embarrassing and laughed. She never tried to figure out why I reacted like that (I was 7). By the way I had a brother for years older) who was kind and a genius, but when we had vagina/penis intercourse (He didn’t penetrate when I told him it hurt). I agreed because I loved him very much and I masturbated a lot! Talk about those fantastic fantasies!! I”ll resume in the next post…

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 10:54am

  61. 61: lkNo Gravatar says:


    Back in 1958, John Steinbeck, author of East of Eden, The Grapes of Wrath, and Of Mice and Men, got a letter from his teenage son Thom, in which Thom confessed that he had fallen desperately in love with a girl named Susan at his boarding school.

    Steinbeck wrote this wise and wonderful letter back to him the same day…

    New York
    November 10, 1958
    Dear Thom:

    We had your letter this morning. I will answer it from my point of view and of course Elaine will from hers.

    First — if you are in love — that’s a good thing — that’s about the best thing that can happen to anyone. Don’t let anyone make it small or light to you.

    Second — There are several kinds of love. One is a selfish, mean, grasping, egotistical thing which uses love for self-importance. This is the ugly and crippling kind. The other is an outpouring of everything good in you — of kindness and consideration and respect — not only the social respect of manners but the greater respect which is recognition of another person as unique and valuable. The first kind can make you sick and small and weak but the second can release in you strength, and courage and goodness and even wisdom you didn’t know you had.

    You say this is not puppy love. If you feel so deeply — of course it isn’t puppy love.

    But I don’t think you were asking me what you feel. You know better than anyone. What you wanted me to help you with is what to do about it — and that I can tell you.

    Glory in it for one thing and be very glad and grateful for it.

    The object of love is the best and most beautiful. Try to live up to it.

    If you love someone — there is no possible harm in saying so — only you must remember that some people are very shy and sometimes the saying must take that shyness into consideration.

    Girls have a way of knowing or feeling what you feel, but they usually like to hear it also.

    It sometimes happens that what you feel is not returned for one reason or another — but that does not make your feeling less valuable and good.

    Lastly, I know your feeling because I have it and I’m glad you have it.

    We will be glad to meet Susan. She will be very welcome. But Elaine will make all such arrangements because that is her province and she will be very glad to. She knows about love too and maybe she can give you more help than I can.

    And don’t worry about losing. If it is right, it happens — The main thing is not to hurry. Nothing good gets away.



    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 10:55am

  62. 62: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    RE: #57 – Thanks! I’m trying to take it easy on him. Right now I feel like chewing him up and spitting him out, LOL!

    It seemed to work to just not respond to his sexual implication. I think most men think “woman” and their next thought is “sex”. It seems synonymous to them.

    Well, it’s not. I have a spirit, mind, and heart, too. The path to my body is thru my spirit, mind, and heart.

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 10:56am

  63. 63: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    RE: #54 – Go!

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 10:56am

  64. 64: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    Oh Brenda, I just read comment #37 in full.(((((Brenda))))) – You are such an amazing woman! I’m not perfect either, TRUST ME.
    I am so proud of you!

    and I love this:

    “A relationship needs to come together first on a spiritual level, then on an intellectual level, then on an emotional level, and last on a physical level. If any one of these levels are skipped, the relationship will ultimately short circuit.”

    I agree with that almost 100%, with the only exception being that it doesn’t necessarily happen in that order…

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 10:58am

  65. 65: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    Thanks for sharing! I appreciate all you had to say!

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 11:00am

  66. 66: JulieNo Gravatar says:

    It’s interesting to note that his niece was a real nymphomaniac who talked about sex and in fact we both striped for an older man who sat lonely in his kitchen at night (I don’t think he got much). Boy was that fun – my breasts were just little buds and I was skinny and aged 13 then. She was also a sadist who tormented me and got me into situations where I got hurt. Oh, and she and I masturbated together and she said when we got boyfriends we would masturbate together !!? She became very promiscious (SP) and had an out of wedlock baby boy.

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 11:02am

  67. 67: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    RE: #63 – Thank you! Yes, I have tested that statement over and over about how a relationship develops. And every time, it short circuits when we don’t start out with spiritual and intellectual commonality.

    Anyone can have a physical connection: cats, dogs, mice, rabbits, bugs. Lots of creatures can have emotional connections, such as dogs.

    But it is far more challenging to find both an intellectual and spiritual connection.

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 11:04am

  68. 68: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Brenda I don’t see the question “do you find me attractive” as fishing for complements. I have gotten it myself from some guys and I believe that men know within minutes if they want to be with you. I believe this kind of question is kind of an assumption that women work the same way as men. They are visual so maybe they are wondering if we feel turned on in our body in any way when we look at them? The way they feel when they look at us? I believe they ask that question because of their own fear of rejection. Not wanting to move forward only to be rebuffed. I might be wrong but this is what I suspect is happening with them. I believe even the most handsome man has insecurities because they get rejected so often.

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 11:05am

  69. 69: FrancescaNo Gravatar says:

    Oh, Brenda, I so know what you mean.

    Awkward feeling, right?

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 11:05am

  70. 70: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    I love the song, by Sarah Mclaughlan, Sweet Surrender.

    Everyone thinks it is talking about sex, and maybe it is, but to me, the song is about the sweet surrender and intimacy of prayer.

    “you take me in
    no questions asked
    you strip away the ugliness
    that surrounds me

    are you an angel?
    am I already that gone?

    I only hope
    that I won’t disappoint you
    when I’m down here
    on my knees.

    (I know what some people think that last stanza is about, but in my interpretion it’s about surrendering in prayer. I feel like I’ve surrended in prayer right here on this blog…)

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 11:08am

  71. 71: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Jessie1000 I feel bad reading your initial comments and am happy to note that you have had good experiences as well.

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 11:09am

  72. 72: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    Yeah, it seems to happen simultaneously and interchangeably. But again, I keep coming back to the advice of my drop-dead-gorgeous cousin, who I will refer to as Alaska (he lived most of his life there).

    He was messed up with drugs and alcohol from age 11 to 41. Finally he got his life right with God, and everything else followed. He is now married and has a good job and my Mom has become like a spiritual mother to him. He calls her about every week and sometimes every day.

    So it was very meaningful to me when he gave me this advice about Ryan 3 years ago, when I was first getting to know him: “I strongly advise you to establish a spiritual friendship with him. I used to have a woman in my bed every night before I gave my life to God. But as I’ve looked back over my life, the relationships that have lasted, outside my wife, are just three: my pastor, your Mom, and another friend. What those three have in common is that I have a spiritual friendship with them.”

    He said romance comes and goes, but if I establish a spiritual friendship with him, it will protect my heart while possibly making a lifelong friend, even if he doesn’t turn out to be my husband.

    I wish I had fully adhered to his advice. I started out doing it, and we prayed and read the Bible together almost every evening. But quickly my feelings multiplied, and I couldn’t hold them back.

    This is the path I want to take from now on. What I am doing right now on craigslist is more like “man snacks”, like Rori suggested in another thread about when you are waiting for THE relationship.

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 11:11am

  73. 73: JulieNo Gravatar says:

    I became promiscous myself (aged 18) not because I was so horny but that was the only way I thought I could make a man pay attention me. I did meet a real nice man (a long blond haired biker!). He and I had sex on the first date (he was dating others) then talked a week later and he casually asked my plans about possible marriage and I was very vague in my answer, so decided At that time I had moved back into their house he got real mad and was both angry and worried. I lost my virginity at 18 to my best friends brother (3 years older) my friend was angry that I messed the sheets!) All this

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 11:14am

  74. 74: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    @60 lk – Absolutely beautiful! Thanks for posting.

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 11:17am

  75. 75: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    RE: #66 – What you said sounds right on. I don’t feel attracted to him. Do you think I should bow out now? Or should I CD for the experience?

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 11:26am

  76. 76: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    @70 Brenda – “but if I establish a spiritual friendship with him, it will protect my heart while possibly making a lifelong friend, even if he doesn’t turn out to be my husband.”

    This feels good to read.

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 11:30am

  77. 77: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    I can’t believe I never heard that song before! Beautiful! Very Sireny, too, saying all she has to give is sweet surrender:


    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 11:32am

  78. 78: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    This song is fascinating, truly open for many avenues of interpretation. Check out the comments below the lyrics in this link:


    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 11:37am

  79. 79: TiffanyNo Gravatar says:

    Dominique – Thank you! (#26) What a fast and lovely response! I believe I already have your free ebook, but I am curious to check out the videos as well. Thank you so much!!


    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 11:55am

  80. 80: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Its not about sex. It’s not the last thing you have to offer. It’s not the only thing you have to offer.

    Making it that will twist relationship and ones own view of their worth and identity.

    It’s always about heart. There’s infinite opening to offer a man for life.

    Men who leave women for having sex first off are the unhealthy psychological around sex kind. It’s easy to brush off but I’ve noticed it.

    Men who aren’t into sex can be more clingy and feminine and… The problems surface later… Dum duum

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 12:01pm

  81. 81: TiffanyNo Gravatar says:

    lk – thanks for posting that letter from John Steinbeck in #60! Wow! such a thoughtful letter….

    I loved this:
    “Girls have a way of knowing or feeling what you feel, but they usually like to hear it also.”

    Tehee. That’s so true! :) (about me, anyway : )

    “And don’t worry about losing. If it is right, it happens — The main thing is not to hurry. Nothing good gets away.”

    Awwww…that makes me feel better already. Like a warm hug….

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 12:07pm

  82. 82: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    ‘But will it hurt when I give the last thing I have, my body, to the man I marry?’

    This is the part that I feel icky reading. Feels so sad that this woman thi ks her body is the last thing she has – its all so dramatic and sex focused

    When with that energy she could be thinking of opening her heart of creating a fun life etc

    So now basically her self worth is lower cuz of the focus on sex as something to offer

    Instead of something to receive and enjoy… No wonder it comes up… There’s no mention of receiving enjoying

    Just offering like a sacrifice. Like ‘giving it up’

    Ugh this image and thoughts trigger me.
    My tummy feels lurchy. I feel sad and mad. I want to heal this.

    I want my lil girl to have a strong foundation in new beliefs that feel good.

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 12:10pm

  83. 83: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    I feel so angry about this! Rargh. I feel scared to feel angry and express it on blog. I feel angry about the times I’ve felt mocked for expressing here. I feel so mad!

    I feel so exhausted now. I feel tight in my thighs umm

    I love the tightness in my thighs. I love my turned tummy .


    That woman is going to feel bad and misunderstood and horrified and angry at my comments. And I feel unconfortable thinking that.

    I feel guilty.

    Am I judging? I’m judging my lil girl who gets all dramatic and low self esteem about sex. For acting like its huge. And thinking its the most sacred thing she has.

    I love me. I’m all sacred my sex is my heart is all beautiful me I’m sacred And touchable

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 12:16pm

  84. 84: JillyNo Gravatar says:

    Daria #77 BRILLIANT!!! I love it!!
    This feels so true for me and resonates with my experience

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 12:20pm

  85. 85: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    @79 Daria – Why does it feel dramatic and sex focused?

    “That woman is going to feel bad and misunderstood and horrified and angry at my comments. And I feel unconfortable thinking that.”

    It’s okay. :) I don’t feel any of those things.

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 12:28pm

  86. 86: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    “Its not about sex. It’s not the last thing you have to offer. It’s not the only thing you have to offer.

    Making it that will twist relationship and ones own view of their worth and identity.

    It’s always about heart. There’s infinite opening to offer a man for life.”

    I agree with all of this…

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 12:29pm

  87. 87: JillyNo Gravatar says:

    Dominique @36…that felt good to read… it is about the connection :)

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 12:29pm

  88. 88: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Iamabutterfly – thats how my mind patterns sometimes. i think of imaginary stuff that the other person will feel (since i cant ever really know anyway just guess).

    i still feel surprised you dont feel that way. i wonder what you did feel. surely at least defensive

    i feel like i was judging you. sorry about that.

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 12:31pm

  89. 89: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    CF texted me to remind me he thinks I’m amazing, awww, thank you CF. I texted back a little heart (<3) and he texted back more hearts and sweet stuff. I said "thank you for being there for me last night." He replied:

    "You are most welcome:) and i'm still there for ya, and i'll be there tomorrow, and the next, and the next…i care tons about you, lovely Miss Starla <3"

    omg wtf this feels CRAZY. I really don't think anyone has ever been supportive to me quite like this (except my very best friend, but i'm getting tired of adding this disclaimer every time haha)

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 12:31pm

  90. 90: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    “Men who leave women for having sex first off are the unhealthy psychological around sex kind. It’s easy to brush off but I’ve noticed it.”

    While that may be true for some men, I’ve heard from multiple sources that “giving it up too soon” totally makes a lot of men lose respect for the woman.

    “Men who aren’t into sex can be more clingy and feminine and… The problems surface later… Dum duum”

    I don’t know any men or women, for that matter, who aren’t into sex, unless something is physiological or emotionally dysfunctional.

    Do you know any healthy, normal men or women who aren’t into sex?

    I don’t…

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 12:32pm

  91. 91: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i feel guilty for possibly judging you or saying something that might make you or someone feel upset

    i guess i feel scared of the response

    eeeeh 😛 i still feel tummy turning

    i want to really focus on honoring my lil girl and letting her express herself right now

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 12:32pm

  92. 92: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    @85 Daria – aw, it’s okay. I feel like I triggered you. It’s a sensitive topic…

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 12:34pm

  93. 93: GoodheartNo Gravatar says:

    Oooh Jilly, can’t wait to read the article!

    So nice that Rugby Man just keeps getting better & better :-)

    Yesterday morning I woke to a wonderful smell & when I followed it I found my bf carrying a plate of scrambled eggs to me. He said he got up early & decided to make breakfast. Then he said he also folded all the laundry & put it away!

    I almost proposed :-)

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 12:36pm

  94. 94: Jessie1000No Gravatar says:

    Femininewoman–you are so knowledgeable and I do feel bad sometimes because my childhood left me broken and battered. I had no foundation my parents chucked me away and it took years…literally years to find good people to care for me the way i deserved because I refused to let anyone in or get close to me….but one thing my “cult” that I grew up in taught me was how to have alot of fun and create community without sex…lol we had alot of get togethers, food sharing, visiting, interest in the older generation, singing, playing music, playing cards, games and when I do these things now with my people and my friends and my kids friends, they love it…a lost art in this world of video games, concrete and shopping malls….community is the hardest to lose and the most diff. to build and it is community that gives you a buffer between break ups and when no boys are in sight because then you can sit with people that are just like family and do rituals, build bonds of love and share children and food….its the best….but I do get sad because my first 20 years was complete madness…lol but not anymore

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 12:37pm

  95. 95: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    iamabutterfly – ok to me, i would say youre not into sex, for example

    also the guy who didn’t have sex with anyone but his ex gf and doesnt want to have sex with women and hasnt in 3 years but he wants a gf and to get married

    ok those things might seem ok or normal to you and him and some people

    but to me theyre red flags – this guy is NOT into sex enough i think

    i feel uncomfortable with the idea that he doesnt want to have sex with women in general

    i actually judge Myself for thinking that

    and i wonder if im actually messed up and this isa Good guy (it seems that way now that im writing)

    but the truth is eharing that i was like. aha red flag red flag. dont forget and ignore. this WILL come up again around sex. he thinks his body is a temple and doesnt want to share it with anyone

    well hey buddy it can be a temple AND be shared

    it felt kinda scary to me. i felt judgemental. i feel concerned i would feel judged personally.

    i wonder what it was about that. i know that i remember hearing taht man who can go long like that without having sex is low libido in marriage too

    i just dont feel comfortable eiht a man i judge as ‘prissy”

    you’re too prissy to satisfy women who want you? i feel judgemental and turned off

    and now i feel judgemetnal of myself and scared

    i want to heal this

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 12:39pm

  96. 96: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    What a double standard to concern myself with if a man will lose respect for me if i sleep with him too quickly. Umm he slept with me too! It’s not like U forced him to sleep with me. This is like blaming the woman for arousing men and expecting them to cover and stay in the home, like men can’t control themselves.

    What a crock.

    And it wasn’t her sleeping with him that turned him off. I’m sure it was her clinginess and neediness that she exhibited with him one way or another following the fact, but he wasn’t self aware enough to know the difference.

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 12:40pm

  97. 97: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    oh i feel tight at the base of my spine

    and i feel vibraty and angry

    on guard



    im ready to block any attack


    im READY

    i love myself

    im open to healing

    i feel guilty and afraid

    i dont want to communicate in the pattern of blaze detached judgement

    bec i feel SCARED

    i feel scared under it

    i feel scared that “im” being judged

    maybe ‘these people’ are right and im wrong

    maybe im wrong and not good at relationship building by being open sexually!

    i love me

    i want to heal

    i give myself permission to be open sexually and receive and know im worth an infinity of wonderfulness

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 12:43pm

  98. 98: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i can tell this is actually deep and a big deal for me.

    cuz i havent had sex very much lately and this may be what is under that

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 12:46pm

  99. 99: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    *not like *i* forced him to sleep with me. sorry for typos:)

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 12:52pm

  100. 100: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    @92 Daria – GIRL, I CANNOT WAIT TO HAVE SEX. But I am waiting, because that is my boundary.

    I am pretty sure I will be even more into sex when I can have as much as I want with my husband who loves me! :)

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 1:08pm

  101. 101: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    @92 Daria – did you feel rejected by the man because he didn’t want to have sex with you? maybe “not into sex enough” really could mean “not into me enough?”

    He may have found you sexually attractive, but that was just his boundary…he wasn’t rejecting YOU he was rejecting doing something sexual with you…

    make sense?

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 1:13pm

  102. 102: lkNo Gravatar says:

    i think 1 reason i get mad when a girl flirts with my man is that i think she thinks she is prettier than i am or more valuable & i guess i feel afraid she is right. sometimes, i feel like dirt. that’s life, i suppose… hm… next time i feel a little green demon’s tongue in my ear, i’ll try reminding myself that starla thinks i’m a pretty girl : ) … ummm…. &…… that i write really nice sentences sometimes….. & that…… my grandma really thinks i’m good & smart……. & ………….. none of these things are going to work for me. i need another way. i need a way that comes from inside, not outside.

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 1:15pm

  103. 103: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    @99 lk – I feel the same way a lot of times…

    Our looks are going to fade.

    Our worth does and HAS to come from inside…

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 1:27pm

  104. 104: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    lk, when i get jealous, i just turn it into a game called “out-girl that ho”

    so instead of focusing on how jealous i’m feeling about her, or how intimidated/threatened/anxious i’m feeling, i focus on how to be completely in feminine energy, to “out-girl” her.

    even if she’s in my mind only, and i’ve only heard stories of her and never seen/met her, i can play this game with myself.

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 1:31pm

  105. 105: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    my looks dont fade i just get more beautiful

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 1:31pm

  106. 106: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    LK – how do you feel about being skype friends? i requested u

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 1:33pm

  107. 107: lkNo Gravatar says:

    lol… @ iamabutterfly… i meant i need a reason that comes from Internal sources (my own self-perception) rather than External sources (feedback from other “authorities”)…. i feel sure that you are right about finding self-worth beyond our appearances. i feel like a banana-colored alien baby with bug eyes normally, so reassuring myself that i am “pretty” would feel odd & untrue (although i do not think i’m not pretty…just… that the specific orientation & proportion of my features does not feel meaningful to me in any way)……………… internal worth. i am infinite strands of light & the whole universe rests on the fabric i weave with my laughter : ) yum

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 1:35pm

  108. 108: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Iamabutterfly – no, thats never happened and i would not feel comfortable with “his boundary”

    that would be a red flag for me and i would no longer date a man who wouldn’t have sex with me

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 1:35pm

  109. 109: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    interesting… the specific orientation and proporation of my feautures feels DEEPLY meaningful and glorious to me

    i can see my ancestors and read and feel my memories in my body and structure…

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 1:37pm

  110. 110: lkNo Gravatar says:

    niiiiice i like “out-girl that ho” lol

    & daria yes i would love to skype : ))) & also, yes, i do not Fade – i become more Luminous, actually !

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 1:37pm

  111. 111: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    im feelin really pist off and i think im geting in a pattern of being the nagging disagreer


    and im judging myself for it

    and i love me

    and i want to feel comfortable and i dont!

    ew gross! that is just his boundary? no thank u

    no men with sexual boundaries for me

    i like men who are free and healthy and generous with their sexuality


    i feel outraged to have that suggested to me

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 1:39pm

  112. 112: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    @101 Starla – Love that!
    @102 Daria – and that!


    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 1:41pm

  113. 113: lkNo Gravatar says:

    @daria 106…

    hm i’m noticing i don’t want to believe in any hierarchies & this makes me feel very uncomfortable with all ideas of Pretty or Not Pretty or Prettier or Less Pretty….. i don’t want to believe in Measuring like that.

    BUT i can feel pleased in my own body & read it like a Family History & that feels good to think : )

    & now i’m imagining when i “don’t like” someone… maybe i can try Reading their History in their face : ) that makes me feel amused & loving : )))

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 1:41pm

  114. 114: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    seriously i feel outraged and babbling and outta control losing control

    i feel SOOO Icky and unworthy when a man doesnt want to please me in some way physically

    i feel like running away AND punishing him



    i feel sooooo uncomfortable

    i feel so unworthy and insecure in such situations

    omg i dont want to expose my lil girl to such ‘issues’

    i feel tense and scared

    and i still feel angry

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 1:42pm

  115. 115: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    lk — right on with you about measuring. i practice babystep healing my own habitual judgements of appearances

    whatsup with skype i req. u are you free to get on?

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 1:43pm

  116. 116: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Iamabutterfly – i feel concerned hearing about your sexual boundaries and your suggestions to me about men

    its rather subtle and common but i think in my experience like Rori’s it means that you do have some hangups around sex for voluntarily choosing those boundaries

    i can see more now about whats going on as far as the guys you’re flirting with and how that wasn’t going anywhere and just stayin kinda superficial

    And i feel worried im just judging you to avoid looking at my own self

    maybei judge mysefl for being superficial for being open sexually

    aha yes i do

    being open sexually = superficial

    i want to shif this!


    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 1:48pm

  117. 117: lkNo Gravatar says:

    @daria… oh i’m at work for another 2 hours : ) but i’ll get turn my comp on when i get home ! will you be available then ?

    i feel so excited : ) you can see CD maybe ? & his best friend ? maybe… i might hide from them because i’m not best friends with his best friend yet so i feel a little baby-ish : ) lol

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 1:51pm

  118. 118: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Daria, I feel a little concerned seeing this exchange with lamabutterly…it feels like an orange lecturing an apple for not being an orange.

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 1:53pm

  119. 119: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    wow i feel really good!

    my sexual openess is sacred and healthy and BEAUTIFUL

    wow im feelin myself

    so glad i tapped

    still feeling kinda scared and judgmental for iamabuttefly. i feel sad when i think of her and her situation now

    i feel guilty for expressing that

    i want to heal this!

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 1:54pm

  120. 120: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    i actually feel a twinge of judgment for women who sleep with many men and who do it early in the courtship and who do it in places like the car instead of expecting to be taken to a clean, safe place to be romanced… i don’t believe it is sexual “openness and freedom,” but a desperate attempt to feel in control and enhance self esteem.

    especially when sometimes they feel bad afterwards, but keep doing it anyway, hoping one day they’ll feel “right”.

    and i think it is really scary and dangerous and feels just eeeeeeeeeek trying to say women should be one way or another about sex.

    and it feels so degrading to suggest that someone not engaging in sex makes them weird or something. it’s like as a society we’ve taken to demonizing the prude the way we spend centuries demonizing the sl*t.

    and i feel bad and pouty and i want to play on the beach but i live in a land-locked state:'(

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 1:59pm

  121. 121: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Starla – i feel really defensive to read that

    anyway i feel kinda judged

    i guess i feel scared it will look like an apple lecturing an orange for not being an apple

    and i dont want that

    i feel judged for being open sexually

    and when people talk aobut their not being open sexually i feel really insecure –

    i imagine theyre judging me, since they seem to be judging themselves

    and i feel shaky about myself, i often judge myself and im feeling triggered

    i feel angry that im not feeling SEEN

    i feel scared that my communication and expression is being judged and i will be attacked

    i feel guilty that my communication is – to my judgment – judgementy


    i feel angry

    i feel frustrated

    i feel shaky and vibraty

    i feel jumpy!

    i feel scared

    i feel tingly

    that feels like bieng tinly and numb cheeks

    i love my numb cheeks

    i love my tingles

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 1:59pm

  122. 122: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    oh and also, it’s not to say my judgments are at all true…it’s just what i feel. kind of like if someone feels judgment for someone not engaging in sex, it doesn’t make their judgments or worries actually true!

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 2:00pm

  123. 123: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i think someone not engaging in sex makes them weird or something

    it makes them have hangups with sex

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 2:01pm

  124. 124: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    this is a redflag for me with men

    it might not be a red flag all the time, depending on the way they express about it, but it is def a red flag

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 2:02pm

  125. 125: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    I see daria. It’s like a majormegaprojection, of your fear that because they aren’t like you, it somehow will result in you being judged. awwwww that sounds awful to go through and feel:(. I’m sorry you feel that way daria…

    It reminds me of how ppl feel with me, because I don’t drink alcohol really, and then people think i’m judging them for getting tipsy/wasted, and i’m really not, and a lot of the times the drinkers cope with this by judging ME *first* as lame or whatever.

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 2:03pm

  126. 126: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i think thats what Rori is saying in the article too

    shes saying its a red flag for both men and women

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 2:03pm

  127. 127: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    i think when we quit judging people so much, we’ll feel less judged all the time. it’s like the cheater who always thinks their partner is cheating, haha.

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 2:05pm

  128. 128: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Brenda I would cdate for the experience. He might weed himself out anyway.

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 2:06pm

  129. 129: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i think some cultural inherited beliefs actually create hangups around sex this way

    i know i def have them. in my culture women dont expect to have orgasms often

    and boy did that reduce me and my friends experience of orgasms

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 2:06pm

  130. 130: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    meaning that damn near a whole culture can share particular hangups about sex

    and the damn near everyone will have unhealthy relationships around sex

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 2:07pm

  131. 131: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Daria, you’re right, she totally says that, and then she made the exception of in a spiritual context.

    I feel like no one actually read the article through today…

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 2:08pm

  132. 132: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Am I the only one who clearly remembers Rori suggesting in Reconnect that while cdate we can choose to not have sex with any of these men to hedge our bets? I also clearly remember her saying she chose to live with a man but that is not the best option for a woman to choose for herself. Does anyone else remember that?

    I know they are recommendations but I just want to see if I am the only one who understood these things.

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 2:09pm

  133. 133: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    FW, I remember that, and I am doing it:)

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 2:12pm

  134. 134: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Starla, I read the article. And it registered that she said most of the times, and in her experience. That did not suggest to me that other people might have other experiences. I have written about a couple here who dated from age 17 and got married at 22/23 and they are happily gloriously still married now. They did not engage in sex before marriage and they are not the only couple I know that have had this experience. Like Iamabutterfly they have religious beliefs that helped them make and stick to those beliefs and practices.

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 2:14pm

  135. 135: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    hmm feeling sad

    so glad i did that EFT and felt for a moment the sacredness of my OPEN sexuality, not just the sacredness of keeping it secret closed and hidden

    feelin shaky and kinda scared

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 2:14pm

  136. 136: lkNo Gravatar says:

    @starla… i feel curious… will you tell me more about how you imagine Out-Girling ? i don’t want to feel Competitive toward another human…. but i like the idea of focusing on myself…. what kinds of practices or tools do you use ? thank you : )

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 2:16pm

  137. 137: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Daria, I have a hard time wrapping my head around what it is that you want when you come here saying to posters that you feel judgmental about them and then going through great lengths to say you don’t want to be judged and you feel like you’re being judged. To me it seems like banging your head on the wall for sport or thriving on drama. What am I not understanding here?

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 2:17pm

  138. 138: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    most of the time, and in my experience too

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 2:17pm

  139. 139: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    but wiht men enough experience to know that thats not something i feel good with in a man

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 2:18pm

  140. 140: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    well, CF’s ex is on his facebook and she’s a professional model…and she was posting on his wall, “hey stranger…” and stuff like that, inviting him to things… so *i* leaned back and stopped liking stuff and commenting on his facebook wall. The more she leaned forward to him, the more *i* leaned back. and guess what? He decided her game was obvious and feels unsafe to even be her friend, lol.

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 2:19pm

  141. 141: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Starla – whoa that feels bad

    what i hear is like its implied that im a less thorough attentive or something reader than you

    anyway i dont see where she says anything about exception to spiritual

    she says, she wants to be respectful but STILL THINKS THAT TAKING THOSE KINDA POSITIONS is usually an indication fo hangups around sex

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 2:20pm

  142. 142: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    if i had leaned forward and tried to keep his attention or something, responding to my jealous trigger, then he would have been too distracted by us both to notice how yucky and turned off this girl made him feel. but i gave him space to notice (and to practice trusting him myself) and her enough rope and she hung herself.

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 2:20pm

  143. 143: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Daria, it feels really hard and uninteresting to carry on a conversation too many turns when each turn starts out with “that feels bad,” “i feel judged,” “i feel defensive.” it feels incredibly one-sided.

    and i quit:)

    for now:)

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 2:22pm

  144. 144: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Starla – wow that feels bad being asked that

    i feel really defensive

    i use this place to express myself about how i REALLY feel about what i experience and read

    what i want is to grow and heal by being more honest than i usually dare to be

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 2:26pm

  145. 145: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Starla – wow that feels terrible. im feeling really upset and i dont like being talked to this way

    i dont want to be beat up and dismissed for expressing that this feels bad

    actually im feeling very angry

    our interactions this morning have felt terrible and im not interested in any more of that either

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 2:28pm

  146. 146: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    wow i feel so MAD!



    why am i engaging with people who wnat to put me down ????

    i dont want to do that

    sorry Daria

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 2:29pm

  147. 147: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    I also understood from Reconnect that part of growing was noticing your feelings and choosing to hang on to yourself by choosing a better feeling thought to change the vibe.

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 2:29pm

  148. 148: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Starla I feel curious. Did he describe it as a game?

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 2:31pm

  149. 149: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Im feeling so angry

    all thes NVS are coming up

    i cant trust women . they are so fake.

    i feel scared ill be attacked for HAVING these beliefs.

    i lvoe these beliefs. i feel safe with thes beliefs.

    i dont WANT to have these beliefs. they are really limiting me and not creating good stuff for me

    i feel so mad

    i feel like im being betrayed , made fun of, humilitaed, dismissed

    told that im unworhty

    that my feelings dont matter

    that i dont matter that

    i should be quiet

    that my expression is bad, that im bad that

    i dont deserve to be open

    i feel so mad

    so mad


    i feel like fighting

    i love my fighting feeling

    i want to disassociate

    i efel so angry in my lower chakra

    i feel furious

    i feel tight in my tummy

    i feel tight in my shoulder

    i feel tight in my face and my cheek

    oh no… how come since im transforming eveyrone praises me so much but no one seems to be good enough to get close to?

    i constantly feel betrayed

    and unsafe

    i feel so mad about this and lonely and mad at the world

    its not safe to trust people

    to respect and be there for me

    i feel sad

    i dont want to believe this anymore

    i feel so tight in my jaw and head

    i eel so tight in my buttocks

    i feel furious

    i love my furious ness

    wow i feeel so mad i feel shaky

    wow i want to beat that person !

    i feel so mad

    i feel so mad

    i feel so mad


    i love me

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 2:33pm

  150. 150: lkNo Gravatar says:


    i feel a little bad or iffy about one person & cd doesn’t seem to notice. it’s possible it’s My Thing… but i definitely have a boundary that i will share if it comes up, which is that i don’t want to spend Couple Time together with a couple who have an Unhealthy or Unhappy relationship. that ish is contagious ! & i don’t want someone trying to get their Man all riled up by flirting with mine o_0

    again, i can’t tell if that is really what is happening. so far, nothing has come close to crossing any lines with me – just really good practice for communicating & establishing our boundaries together.

    but…. i guess the really big one for me is when we are all in a group, she never makes eye contact with me. it feels so weird. she only looks at my Man or at her Man when she talks ? & we don’t really “click” but i don’t know if there is anything to be done about that.

    i feel like me Out-Girling could end up just looking anti-social ??

    eek i feel bad thinking that. it brings up the belief i have from childhood that i am Alien & Weird & Not Cool : ( (((((((((lk)))))))))

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 2:35pm

  151. 151: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i accept that i have a pull towards this battle, and im cretaing other rituals around myself now … mmmmmmm

    i love this tool i feel smmooothed

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 2:36pm

  152. 152: lkNo Gravatar says:

    also… this just gave me a “signal” – it’s not Bad or anything… lol – she invited me & cd over when her husband was out & she answered the door in a hooters tank top & kind of revealing tight orange sweats (like the girls wear) & it felt very Contrived to me… but she is my age (read: young) & so i believe she is just a little exhausted by new married life & that she feels thirsty for some extra attention & social energy. maybe i could give that to her in some way ? maybe i could invite her to meet some other women with me. that sounds like a pretty good idea. at least cd is magical & (though i feel pretty sure he didn’t notice her outfit or anything) he did mention that next time if her husband was out, he would just drop me off & pick me up, not stay. hmmmm…. i don’t know. i don’t feel too bad about it… but it feels interesting to “take care of” it Now rather than Later : )

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 2:39pm

  153. 153: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    145, fw, he didn’t describe it verbatim as a game. he described it as a predictable ritual of hers (“innocently” popping over a period of time in to see how he’s doing) with the same result, “soooo are you seeing anyone?”

    Last time, the answer was YES:)

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 2:40pm

  154. 154: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    lk, really really check in with yourself about the pull to take care of her needs. that is super masculine energy. this is my tendency with the women that make me feel jealous. I’ll try to ‘take care’ of them. I don’t know why i feel so compelled to do it, but it doesn’t help my insecure jealous feelings.

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 2:42pm

  155. 155: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks for sharing that Starla. I remember hearing that when a woman leans forward like that the man tend to in his mind put her in the “friend” category unconsciously even if he is not dating anyone else. It is one of the things that has helped me be comfortable with leaning back because I have done this kind of lean forward in the past. My only problem is when I am hung up on a man who is stubborn. Some have even told me that they are stubborn and will lean back and wait me out till I contact them.

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 2:43pm

  156. 156: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    RE: #125 – Sounds like a good idea, thanks!

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 2:44pm

  157. 157: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Brenda I am rooting for you. Though I had a sneaky feeling that you were in touch with Ryan because it has been a long time since your last downward spiral.

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 2:46pm

  158. 158: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    my recent roommate/good friend did (maybe unconsciously) solicit attention and validation from CF, and I just felt compelled to take care of her as a friend, but then I felt like her mommy and daddy with cf. i remember coming here posting about it and sirens encouraging me to knock this off, and i’m so glad i did. and cf was happy and friendly with her, and talked about interesting things with her that i didn’t know enough about to talk about with them, and it made me feel sooo jealous, but now that i look back on it i can see that he was just trying to impress ME by getting along with my friend so well.

    so when i outgirled her, she became even more masculine energy/in your face, and i could tell he stopped having much interest in her even as a conversational partner.

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 2:46pm

  159. 159: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    Hello, hello. No time to catch up and I lost a couple pages of yesterday’s posts… so.

    @Francesca.. glad your PC is all sorted out and updating

    @SMB… AKA Barb… I had something for you… gone now…

    @Brenda.. hey

    @Jilly and others. Yep, Courtney is a siren and hated by all the “also rans” who where not “immediately chosen” and announced to all the world they were “there for the Bachelor” while they hated that Courtney said she was there to look for love, have a good time and if Ben wasn’t “the one” there are other fish in the sea. A girl after my own heart….

    Lindzi wasn’t all that bad, she’s probably better suited for Ben. I don’t think he’s good enough for Courtney but maybe he’ll step up a little harder. His mother and sister seem to think Courtney is the one..



    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 2:52pm

  160. 160: lkNo Gravatar says:

    friends with a couple – woman does not make eye contact when she talks to me

    siren solution:

    she is probably scared shxtless of me lol. i’m a smart, pretty fairy princess ! & also she probably feels jealous of how devoted CD is to me & how excited we are to be together : ) awww poor girl ! now i have accessed my compassion for her. the dear girl. ((((humans)))) ((((girl)))) & i HOPE that she does not feel afraid that she made a mistake by marrying her husband. i hope she is just getting her kicks & not truly frustrated & looking to change things by obliquely manipulating others. wow, lk. you sound mean. please check yourself before you wreck yourself ?

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 2:52pm

  161. 161: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    it feels really uncomfortable feeling angry… also im babystep better at stayin in my body through it

    opening my heart feels like melting and sadness

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 2:58pm

  162. 162: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    i’m surprised to read you saying you feel uncomfortable feeling angry, seems like you’re angry, or some cousin of it, like every day here. that seems to me like someone who is extremely comfortable feeling angry, lol.

    maybe you’re actually really really really comfortable with it and prefer it, and you’re uncomfortable with admitting to it to yourself

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 3:00pm

  163. 163: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    i wish i could find the link to tony robbins’ video on the “crazy 8,” you might find it insightful.

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 3:01pm

  164. 164: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    ah, found it, thanks google! http://robbinsmadanescoachtraining.com/?p=629

    she goes from depression to anger and it’s not an exact fit in terms of context, but the overall message might feel relevant and helpful.

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 3:04pm

  165. 165: lkNo Gravatar says:


    actually i can totally place all the things you are saying. thank you. i feel much more opened-up about it : )

    & @Femininewoman thank you too : ))) & hi !

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 3:06pm

  166. 166: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Woah… ouch.

    I am feeling little icky again tonight!

    In the soup once again.

    Am Ok really though.

    Feeling a bit hopeless about MWC and confused about whether I am respecting my boundaries or not…

    I have not been back to his house or stayed the night since Sunday morning when I left after the drinking issue… when normally I would have spent some evenings with him and stayed the night.

    I said no to that last night, Because it did not feel right.

    But I did go on a coffee date with him for a couple of hours in the afternoon. Which felt ok to me to do… but then I am asking myself is that being weak and having holes in my boundaries?

    Is it defeating the whole point because he is still getting to see me, although not as much?

    I didn’t do it cus I was worried about not seeing him… I did it cus I wanted to and it felt ok at the time…

    But now I am questioning myself.

    And we have been in phone and e-mail contact.

    He helped me fix and issue with my website today.

    I decided to send him a sexy pic of me.

    I have never sent this kind of picture to a man before. I wanted to do it… it felt right.

    But now I am feeling vulnerable.

    It was not really dirty or anything… just suggestive.

    I’ve had a bunch of the pics for years and love them and have never really been brave enough to share them with a man.

    The thought kept popping into my head to send it… and it felt good… plus I thought it would be good practice, so I sent it.

    And his reaction was good, like all gushy and complimentary…

    Mostly I have been leaned way back… and he has been leaning right forward.

    And yet since I sent the pic I feel funny and have not heard from him (since his initial reply).

    Maybe just my issue.

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 3:11pm

  167. 167: LobbyStarNo Gravatar says:

    Checking in. How are y’all?

    I first came to this site last year to attempt getting over a guy, who I’ll call Wolfie. I CD’d for about six months, up until my mom died, and my interest in dating dried up.

    Literally the day before my mom collapsed, I texted Wolfie and invited him back into my life as a friend. And when my mom passed, he was there for me. I have to tell you, I have such strong masculine energy that it was very, VERY difficult for me to allow others to help me through that time.

    But I let Wolfie do things for me. He changed the locks on my house. He ran cable to rooms that previously didn’t have it. He washed my dishes (!). He took out the trash. He fixed my bike. He said he loved being my hero. And I don’t know if it means anything, but whenever we go out to eat together, even though we are “just friends,” he always pays. And he calls or texts to check on me when he knows I’m feeling down.

    This is way better than when we dated. And I think it’s because of the masculine energy I was exuding back then. I was a buddy, a dude with boobs. Now I seem more vulnerable and soft. Maybe there’s a chance for us, down the road.

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 3:13pm

  168. 168: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    And CD-ing wise.


    Nothing really gwaning…

    But then I don’t really do anything except work atm… and POF seems to have dried up.

    I got asked out at work the other day, and the guy was CUTE, however all the staff were around and I felt too exposed and MWC would have heard and it just didn’t feel right to I did not accept.


    There is still one guy texting me… and I just feel like yawn about getting back to him cus of his lack of stepping up and asking me to come to him… just made me feel bored and turned off.

    So I have taken ages to reply.

    but I will, jusy for the sake of CD-ing.

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 3:15pm

  169. 169: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    And just feel hopeless that MWC could sort himself out… cus he doesn’t even take care of himself by eating properly, I don’t see how he can overcome addiction issues (if that is what he has).

    But hey. this is so NOT my business.

    And he has run out of money this month… and we are only half way through the month, and that feels bad, cus how can he take care of me??

    Wha wha wha… baby selfish me.

    But you know what is bad… is that I feel a lil offy cus he spend most of his money on me!!! Buying me stuff.

    And now he doesn’t seem to have enough money for food


    I have let him know I feel just as happy with free dates.

    And the urge to step in and ‘fix’ this and over function is strong!

    I hate the thought of him suffering and not eating properly.

    But heck who am I… not his Mum GD it!

    And lean back. LEAN BACK ELLA!

    And I worry that all this will mean he won’t heal.

    But again not my business.

    Wow, I feel all tied in to this.

    Wondering how to untie myself and feelings from this/him.

    Know I can… know I can bring the focus back to me.. I’ve done it millions of times before.

    But Humph.

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 3:23pm

  170. 170: LoveAlwaysNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Sirens:

    Wow, this really looks like a great post by Rori! I will have to read it when I get home. Just wanted to spam the blog with my random thoughts before they leave my mind:

    Had such a Diva day today. I honestly felt like Erica Kane from “All My Children.” Yes, I was just that dramatic. I recognize I need some healing to do, but the first step was realizing that it was me doing all that drama and I have to love me and feel what I’m feeling, even if it’s is not positive. I feel relieved now.

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 3:26pm

  171. 171: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    In other news.

    I am ok.

    Probably better than I sound on blog…

    And feeling a little selfish recently as I have just been coming on here and venting and not really getting involved or giving any input to other Sirens recently.

    I still love you all… just been going through a needy, self focused patch.

    Thanks for bearing with me.


    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 3:26pm

  172. 172: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Ella, I know it feels crazy uncomfortable scary, but i think you should have accepted that guy’s date offer. it sucks that in a way you have to exercise exclusivity with MWC, for appearances to your mutual acquaintances or whatever. How do you feel about it?

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 3:27pm

  173. 173: LoveAlwaysNo Gravatar says:

    News Blast:

    I’m not in a rush to get married any more. I like having 3-4 to date. I feel judgmental about this, but I accept it. I feel guilty about it, but I accept that feeling too. I accept my feelings and all my NVs and I’m going to get into my soup of emotions and feel them all, and I’m going to keep CDing all these guys until I feel to do something different – love to me, Love me Always first

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 3:29pm

  174. 174: LoveAlwaysNo Gravatar says:

    Each day this week, before I leave my office, I put myself in a siren state of mind – it keeps me in touch with my feelings. I haven’t called CD oil back in a few days, but I was not attracted to him though he was nice enough. My lesson from him was that I still enjoy attention from men I’m not involved with. I enjoy attention that does not have to be dinner, but could be over coffee. But the lesson was also that men will be smitten with me, and I need to learn how to handle that authentically.

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 3:32pm

  175. 175: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Now I feel silly for sending that pic.

    Oh well… if a man can’t deal with a sexy pic of me… he can go feck himself.

    Oh, interesting, anger!


    Wonder what that is about?

    Wonder what is underneath?

    Doesn’t feel like there is anything underneath.

    Just feel tight hearted.

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 3:33pm

  176. 176: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Starla re 169

    Yes I have been thinking the same too.

    And when it came to it I just couldn’t do it.

    I feel weird/conflicted about it.

    On the one hand believing I should/could accept dates anyway, and on the otherhand I would feel to mean/uncomfortable doing right there under MWCs nose.

    I have since thought to myself I should have accepted.

    As it was I did not say no exactly. Just kinda giggled, flicked my hair and walked away.

    I still smiled at him loads but he did not ask again.

    Apparently this guy is shy…. and his friend was encouraging him to ask me out.

    I dunno, maybe if he comes back again…

    But he wasn’t especially step up.

    And that is the difference, and the reason I am dating him and not a host of other men…

    Oh, I also feel hella scared of being judged and outcast by other members of staff if I did accept a date from another man at work…

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 3:38pm

  177. 177: StarlaNo Gravatar says:


    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 3:41pm

  178. 178: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Am feeling grouchy.

    Have not heard from MWC… which is very unusual.


    F8ck it.

    Maybe have a shower…


    Starla??? What do I do?

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 4:04pm

  179. 179: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Ok… message on POF.

    Here I go. CD-ing again.


    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 4:07pm

  180. 180: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Still not getting Rori’s e-mail…

    I miss them.


    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 4:09pm

  181. 181: LuzydelNo Gravatar says:

    I like the idea of holding sex right now; not until marriage though. But I am liking the attention I am getting without giving so much emphasis as to with whom and or when I should have sex. I have no issues about it, I just don’t think it should be that important, it happens when it happens. I am just having fun going out on my own sometimes and drawing, and or with a guy who ask me out.

    Lately I am getting a lot of attention even from women; I feel acknowledged. I am thinking this is because of dating myself and giving me what I need. I guess I should not expect from others what I cannot give to myself first. Have another meeting tomorrow, guys seem a bit intense (but I can handle it).

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 4:17pm

  182. 182: Butterfly wingsNo Gravatar says:

    13 Tiffany – that’s my thinking too. The test was negative again this morning but will wait at least a few days to test again just to be sure. Especially because I’m still bloated.

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 4:25pm

  183. 183: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Oh for goodness sake.

    I am exactly like a Crack addict craving for my fix.

    I am judging myself as pathetic.

    Trying to get myself to CD on POF and feeling MASSIVE resistance.

    And I have thought about another CD with Super Nice Guy from before.

    But… Noooo, I don’t wanna (little girl whiny voice).

    Do I have to??

    Awwww, but I don’t like him!

    :-/ Pouty face.

    Come on Ella, this man is nice.. he is good practice. healthy, no addictions. etc etc.

    Yeah but I don’t wanna.

    And the thought of letting him kiss me is like ewwww! Keep your stupid, nasty, boring mouth away from me freak!


    Where does this all come from??

    Feeling so judgemental of him and his boringness…

    And that must mean I am judging me and my boringness?

    I do feel bored right now.

    Have been working so hard and my little girl wants to have fun.

    But I don’t know how to take care of that for her??

    I have no money and have been working to improve my situation.

    And now that I am not drinking.

    I feel lost!

    I don’t know how to have fun and go for a night out without drinking!!!

    Oh Dear Ella.

    Its not true…

    I do have fun… just unsure how to do this.

    And take care of me.

    I am craving some fun and lightness and change of scene.

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 4:40pm

  184. 184: EllaNo Gravatar says:


    Feeling pist.

    Feeling grouchy.

    Being like an addict.

    Wondering why MWC has not been in touch tonight… and then feeling very vulnerable, especially after sending that pic.

    Ho hum.

    This must be how he feels when he texts me that he loves me and I don’t reply till the next day or something.

    But who cares about him.

    Its about ME, ME, ME.

    Lol Ella.

    Love You.

    Lets have some 85% cocoa chocolate.


    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 4:50pm

  185. 185: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Lobbystar, welcome back. Sorry about your loss.

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 4:51pm

  186. 186: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Ok, feeling scared and alone.

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 4:53pm

  187. 187: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Hi lk

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 4:54pm

  188. 188: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Lobbystar re 164

    That is cool about Wolfie.

    And I too am sorry about losing your Mum.

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 4:55pm

  189. 189: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Ella for some reason I feel triggered by the “who cares about him”. I felt my warrior woman raise her head when I read that comment like I want to defend him.

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 4:56pm

  190. 190: FlowerChild77No Gravatar says:

    Sometimes the nice guys feel ‘boring’ to us because we are so used to the roller coaster pattern of our past relationships :-/

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 4:58pm

  191. 191: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    I don’t think I am going to go to his tomorrow night… earlier I said I would.

    But I don’t think I will now because I feel disconnected and uncomfortable about the whole situation now.

    I feel like I am over functioning and I don’t want that.

    I feel like I am not quite on my horse, but she is nearby.

    I want to find her again.

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 4:59pm

  192. 192: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    FW I do care about him really.

    Just trying to get the focus off him and back on to me…. and be selfish, to pull back from my urges to over function.

    I feel defensive of him too, even as I was writing it… and I still wanted to write it anyway, to remind myself that I am my no 1 priority.

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 5:03pm

  193. 193: FlowerChild77No Gravatar says:


    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 5:05pm

  194. 194: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Flowerchild yes I know…. this is a re-occuring issue for me…

    And I have not yet learned how to get past them feeling boring.

    I get to a point and I literally can’t take anymore.

    I want to get far away from them or punch them in the face.

    Wow, I feel broken sometimes.

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 5:06pm

  195. 195: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:


    RE 191 I suspect it is the comfort in the feeling of familiarity. We want to get away to get back to what we are used to , to what we know, the excitement, the chemistry.

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 5:08pm

  196. 196: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    “I trust my boundaries – I trust myself: I know I will not knowingly toss my pearls before swine, throw myself into the path of destruction, hide from the truth, go along with or tolerate something that is damaging to me. Now I can move to my feelings.”

    Hmmm. I am not too sure I am trusting my boundaries enough.

    Think I might be hiding from the truth a bit and also maybe tolerating something that could be damaging to me.

    That is no good.

    Think I might need a lot more time/space.

    Feeling icky.

    Maybe need to slow down.


    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 5:08pm

  197. 197: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    I am talking to a guy on POF but goodness me I feel so flat and passionless.

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 5:10pm

  198. 198: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Owww, now getting to practice discussing why I am not drinking, within the firs few sentences…

    How interesting that he brought up alcohol straight away!

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 5:11pm

  199. 199: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    FW yes I expect so!

    How are you?

    I feel very bored of talking about me! Lol.

    What’s happening in your world?

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 5:14pm

  200. 200: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    “I don’t want to go there; do that, see that, feel this, feel that, listen to this, be there, be here, stand here, tolerate this, have this, worry about this, think about this, take charge of this, plan this — what do you think?”

    Yes… I can use these.

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 5:23pm

  201. 201: LoveAlwaysNo Gravatar says:

    I’m talking to CDdj and he is reminding me how hot we were as a couple, that we were in love, that we loved each other and we have always kept together although apart . . . heart beat heart beat heart beat

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 5:31pm

  202. 202: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    How do *I* feel?

    A bit lost.

    A bit tired.

    Achy knees.

    A bit lonely. frustrated and hopeless.

    A bit positive and hopeful.

    Lovng of myself.

    A bit pissy.

    A bit GRRRR at life.

    A bit like a sulk child (or is that a judgement??) wanting to demand why life is not giving me exactly what I want!

    Feeling demanding and indignant.

    Feeling indignant and rightous!

    Feeling angry… and underneath that.

    Feeling scared and alone.

    And ugly.


    Not sure why in the soup tonight.

    Love me though.

    Love to me.

    Big loving arms all around my soupy me!

    I will be ok with all my soupy feelings.

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 5:31pm

  203. 203: LoveAlwaysNo Gravatar says:

    I’m so glad I’m CDing him . . . it keeps me balanced cuz he is sooooooo real

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 5:32pm

  204. 204: lkNo Gravatar says:


    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 5:35pm

  205. 205: LoveAlwaysNo Gravatar says:


    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 5:35pm

  206. 206: LoveAlwaysNo Gravatar says:

    going through my emotions

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 5:36pm

  207. 207: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Oh, I am so just gonna stick with how *I* feel.

    Like ‘MWC I just don’t feel good to go with you right now’.

    I really don’t want to atm.

    I can’t believe I was thinking it was ok to go to his house and hang out again so soon.

    I feel annoyed with myself!

    Like where he hell was my boundary then??

    Sometimes I feel so confused and I suppose that is all part of this stuff.

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 5:39pm

  208. 208: LoveAlwaysNo Gravatar says:


    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 5:44pm

  209. 209: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Ugh I feel so mad! I’m gripping and throbbing in my thigh. I want to write about my anger about one guy… Well I think he doesn’t respect my time. Or I feel angry about today

    Then I remember how I felt angry on the blog first and now I feel super mad

    And my people’s are fighting all in the house today and I feel angry sad tense

    I woke up from my nap that I took cuz I woke up this morning both times from them fighting

    Ugh I feel mad

    And I feel mad this guy hasn’t told me what time he’s coming to bring my phone – I feel all off balance and panicky and I feel like my time is not respected

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 5:46pm

  210. 210: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    I had a pretty bad day.

    I was thinking a lot about ATW. And everything made me think of him…

    As I was in a good mood in the morning, and because he said I can call him sometimes, I just sent a cute “Good morning”… and I ended up asking if he wanted to go for lunch… and he said he had a meeting at lunch time so he couldn’t. So I got into an @rgy of leaning forward. It was terrible. We talked about next time we could meet and he didn’t know. I told him I felt sad and disappointed. He said please don’t. He called me after his meeting. I said it looks he can make plans with me because he is waiting to see if he can have better plan. I know it’s very blamey. Just was out of my mind. Couldn’t think… He said again his annoying “soon”.

    He texted me two minutes after explaining that if he couldn’t confirm a day because he is actually taken on Friday but he’s gonna see if he can cancel his plans. I said I felt silly for insisting but it feels very nice of him. He said he would let me know as soon as possible…

    …but he haven’t text me yet…

    I know I’m in a very bad situation now. I have to lean super way back. And I can’t really make plans for tomorrow because if he cancels his plans and I’m not available for him, I’m gonna look like playing game…

    Wow Lizka you really messed up…

    I guess I have to love my messing up…

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 5:54pm

  211. 211: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    And ModelCD asked me to come watch movies at his place with him tonight. So I was happy to have a date tonight to help me leaning back with ATW.

    Later I told him I just came back from jogging he said “you must be hungry, I’ll feed you :-)

    He called me at 7.40 saying he would pick me 30 minutes later.

    It’s now 9 and he still isn’t here! Heuuuuuuu????

    Wow that feels terribly bad. I don’t want to go out at 9 o’clock on weeks day.

    Really not my day.

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 5:57pm

  212. 212: LoveAlwaysNo Gravatar says:

    Now CDdj is reminding me of all of my old boyfriends, pointing out how well he are I were meant for each other

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 5:57pm

  213. 213: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    And now I feel terribly hungry so I’m going to feed myself. I feel kind of mad at ModelCD for making me wait. I’m not gonna go with him tonight definitely. Will eat and go to bed. Have to take care of me…

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 5:59pm

  214. 214: LoveAlwaysNo Gravatar says:


    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 6:01pm

  215. 215: LoveAlwaysNo Gravatar says:

    This man is certainly worthy of a movie date!!!

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 6:02pm

  216. 216: LoveAlwaysNo Gravatar says:

    You can hit the note, but can you hold it?

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 6:03pm

  217. 217: LizkaNo Gravatar says:


    “This man is certainly worthy of a movie date!!!”

    Was that for me? o_O

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 6:08pm

  218. 218: lkNo Gravatar says:

    this is SO weird. i just got the notification from live strong dot com telling me i’d just committed to lose weight ? so i went to look…. & the email was from over a year ago. i totally forgot i ever signed up !

    my “dares” (you can do “dares” on live strong & get support on blogs & track your daily progress…) were:

    lose weight
    quit smoking
    drink less alcohol
    sleep more
    stretch daily

    well…… when i made those goals, i know they felt a little impossible… & i kind of “blew myself off” & felt bad about myself for how far i was from those goals… & now !!!!!!

    NOW !!! well, now i am in my goal weight range, i don’t smoke, i drink at my goal pace, i sleep more regularly…& i spend more time in bed : ) lol, & i stretch much more frequently : )))))

    & summer is coming, so i plan to easily slide the last couple lbs off & focus on settling my sleep cycle & morning routine in a peaceful flow that includes stretching : ))))))) happy lk, good girl, keep trying : )

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 6:10pm

  219. 219: LoveAlwaysNo Gravatar says:

    He is reminding me how close we are

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 6:13pm

  220. 220: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Sirens!!!! C called and paid my credit card off for me, just over 5 grand, ahhhhh….. I still can’t believe it! I could cry, and have a few times today. No more interest, no more worry, no dread or sick feelings about all that money going down the drain. My credit will improve, and I’ll be able to get a car loan when the time comes. FW, I used your line today and when I said thank you, I told him he was my own personal hero. :) He liked it! He was really glad to fix it for me, and I’m so glad I didn’t turn him down because of my pride.

    I really can’t believe all the wonderful things that are happening in my life, and pretty much all because of him. I want him back so badly…. but if that doesn’t happen, I’ll still love all he’s done for me, and be eternally grateful. He’s changing my life.

    I dropped a whole van load of stuff at Goodwill last night and put a ton of trash at the curb… can’t wait to finish the garage, I feel more free already. I’m running out of excuses to hold myself back…. and it’s scary and exciting and I feel afraid to make mistakes, but tingly and giggly and kinda sparkly thinking about what is ahead of me!!!

    Some of Turquoise’s Dreams……

    To write children’s books and have them published!

    To get my candy business off the ground and help people celebrate the special moments and occassions in their lives.

    To have the time, energy and funds available to travel, with my girls, with friends… and with a lover.

    To have my home feel open, warm, welcoming to friends, family, neighbors…. and for me to have gotten rid of all the clutter taking up precious space in my home. My house is huge, lots of space, but the stuff in the garage, shoved in closets and under beds drains my energy.

    To feel fabulous about my shape and body and to feel healthy, energized, and be a positive example of how to treat my body like a temple. To reach my goal weight and go shopping for a siren’s wardrobe!!!!

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 6:15pm

  221. 221: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Hmmm ModelCD just called. 30 minutes become a.5 hour… I said I’m not going out it’s too late. He said let’s go for a quick drink close to your place. I don’t really feel like it but he’s usually very nice and I need to do something not to think of ATW so I’ll go… but REALLY not late! I want to take care of me and sleep early.


    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 6:15pm

  222. 222: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Wow really? I feel anger and express it everyday on here and that means I’m really comfortable with it?

    Even if I said I feel uncomfortable?

    I feel like punching u in your face and calling u names and screaming. It feels terribly unconfortable feeling that way

    Even if I feel it everyday or more like several times a day.
    It seems you’re really out to snark me today so I feel like saying fuchk off but Instead I am practicing what one voice sarcastically calls ‘being nice’

    I am holding this awful feeling in my chest while you keep on making fun of me.

    It feels terrible and I feel tight in my tummy

    What the fuchk is everyone’s problem with me expressing anger everyday? Isn’t that what the blog is for?

    Quit picking on me. Okthey pick on me again and I’ll beat their ass or be mean to them. This always works in the moment.

    However I’m practicing not doing that.

    I feel humiliated to be put in this position.

    I judge myself as weak for not using my weapons.

    They still come out a bit and that’s enough to spark more attacks. The wise thing would be to attack them and make them go away off my territory.

    I am so strong. No one can do that like me.

    Well those who can and are doing it my life wow that feels terrible.

    I just want peace.

    I don’t want to be harassed on the blog and made fun of

    I feel so mad.

    Squeeze in my buttock.

    Sigh. Cycle again. Everytime I think about it I feel mad.

    I feel a squeeze or a tightening or something.

    I feel so helpless!

    I feel totally uncomfortable feeling that way.

    Like the picked on kid in the parking lot.

    I’d rather destroy than feel humiliated sometimes.

    Maybe the key is to be ok with feeling humiliated.

    I feel humiliated

    I feel humiliated

    I feel humiated

    I feel sick and icky face just thinking that word

    I don’t want to tell people I feel humiliated

    They’ll say – its your fault for letting them make you feel that way

    Or it’s your fault for letting them take advantage of you

    Or no one can make you feel inferior without your consent



    Hmm so I can choose to feel good about myself while feeling humiliated.

    I feel twisty tummy.

    I’m not getting anywhere with this.


    Still not processing anger well maybe.

    It’s supposed to instantly morph

    But instead I get hooked on the mind loops that stab me again and again e triggering thought.

    I love my mind loops.

    They want to ensure I treat myself well.

    Well I can totally ignore the person triggering me.

    However that’s felt bad too like old best friend I don’t talk to no more.

    I feel overwhelmed. I feel so mad. I feel so mad.

    I feel so powerless.

    I don’t want to be treated this way.

    It’s ok for me to feel powerfully mad.

    This is great!

    I’m healthy!

    I feel very very mad when I’m not treated well.

    Yay me :)

    Ok feelin better, off to read about Ella.

    Ouch squeeze in heart, thought about someone else and felt angry again

    Actually I feel sad and heartbroken and lonely about it under the anger,

    And that feels too vulnerable.

    I made a vow not to be vulnerable.

    Not to show my ‘hurt’ to those who betray or pit me down and laugh at me .

    I feel squeezed around the inside of my thigh and in my tummy.

    I want to heal this vow.

    How can I honor that I feel terribly sad to feel like im being judged and attacked.

    I feel so dissapointed in god for bringing me friends I dont feel safe with. And parents I don’t feel safe with and men I don’t feel safe with.

    And I feel guilty for writing that and not instead writing how grateful I am for the non abusive stuff.

    But in my life it seems like I wind up abused. My parents hit me My friends have hit me or betrayed me or put me down .

    I think it will literally be impossible to have a non abusive relationship w a human being.

    And that feels bad.

    I want to shift that belief.

    I feel so sad.

    I feel so uncomfortable saying that.

    I know no one cares. And I’m tightened up around it.
    No one Ever cared that I was sad while they were in the middle of beating or humiliating me.

    Feeling the loss of that.

    Feeling rage.

    I feel this rage now.

    I feel broken hearted. And I feel rage for feeling broken hearted.

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 6:16pm

  223. 223: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Oh no LoveAlways, forgot my last post to you. Just realise it’s not. :)

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 6:16pm

  224. 224: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Lizka – I’d say do t go . Please. U just said ur def not going. Honoring that will really boost your feelings about yourself.

    That’s what I would tell myself.

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 6:20pm

  225. 225: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Wow Turquoise I feel excited reading your comments. You are unstoppable.

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 6:23pm

  226. 226: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    I feel mad at the world and I don’t want any of you around cuz ur probably going to abuse me anyway. My god my kids probably won’t stand me and leave me lonely like 90. % of the world. Fuchk this life and world. I feel so mad at it.

    I want to heal my pull towards this battle.

    This stuff is not true Daria I really love you. Fuchk anyone who you feel mad at and I can give you a hug and love you anytime. Actually don’t even say fuchkrd cuz ur beautiful loving self wants connection. So just remember none of the bad feeling stuff is true. I love you and it’s all good.

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 6:24pm

  227. 227: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    I know Daria. But I also have a feeling that if I stay home alone I’ll just be depressing about ATW…

    He’s on his way here, maybe we’ll just smoke a cig and I’ll kick him out…

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 6:24pm

  228. 228: sensualNo Gravatar says:

    Still haven’t heard from any of my CDs… that’s pretty amazing, i had about 5 a week ago, i’m so quick to rave about it and feel all good about it and then pooof they all vanish. :( . Same problem, i still can’t get passed the 3/4 week stage with anyone :(

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 6:33pm

  229. 229: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks FW!!!!! I feel really motivated right now, so pushing myself to ride that wave. I know myself, I am SUCH a procrastinator…. BUT, I am healing that and that feels amazing!!!!

    Yeah me, I’m a rockstar…. I love me and this is my time to shine!!! Hugs to me! I don’t know if any of you have had “issues” hanging over you for years, but I have had clutter, weight issues and financial issues for YEARS!

    Now, I have a new house and only a little clutter, I am paying no interest (still have debt, but now it’s a personal loan with no interest and a plan to have it paid off with low monthly payments that I can afford, so no stress there) and I am ready to get this weight off for good. I can’t believe it, I don’t think I believed I’d ever get to this place. By summer, all my “issues” will be completely under control. I feel like holding my breath, nervous energy that has me bounding all around the house getting stuff done, and motivated to change these things for me, just for me…. to let my inner siren glow! 😉

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 6:37pm

  230. 230: sensualNo Gravatar says:

    i had nothing to do last night so i went to some awful fashion show downtown with a friend and guess what, i saw one of my CD’s there. the one who was texting me soooo much while I was away only to not ask me out on my return (just sends irrelevant texts all week) and then i saw him at a little party last Friday and he sent me apology texts the next day for not having caught up with me, said he’d been sick all week and stupidly got dragged out late Friday night. but that he really wanted to catch up with me. Well then i don’t hear from him for days and then he’s at some goddam awful fashion thing ( he works for Sony so nothing to do with his work why he’d be there). I felt so angry I couldn’t bring myself to say hello and he either didn’t see me or pretended not to see me. so we didn’t even say hello! like you’re 40 years old and you were really into me 1 week ago! where are your priorities!! i guess that one’s hit the dust then. :(

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 6:41pm

  231. 231: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:


    Go have a good time! 😉 Sometimes it’s great to have a change of scenery and it is enough to make you feel all better!

    I don’t like that he was late, but that probably isn’t a deal breaker, just a boundry you’ll have to strongly share with him! :)

    HUGS!!!! Have something fun and fruity for me :) I’m partial to blue drinks, lol.

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 6:44pm

  232. 232: LoveAlwaysNo Gravatar says:

    he said I’m beautiful on the inside extraordinarily beautiful on the inside!!!

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 7:00pm

  233. 233: LoveAlwaysNo Gravatar says:

    I’m a sucker for words, lovely beautiful words

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 7:02pm

  234. 234: LoveAlwaysNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Lizka

    # 214

    Lol!! No, I’m spamming the blog while I’m talking to CDdj, and our last date was out to a movie :)

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 7:05pm

  235. 235: Healing WaterfallNo Gravatar says:

    Wow, what a moving story about being vulnerable with CF and thank-you so very much for sharing the youtube link on Ganesh….i loved it and meditateid to it for an hour.

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 7:07pm

  236. 236: Jessie1000No Gravatar says:

    wow daria…i wish I could get mad like that….i feel so passive all the time like my emotions are shut off in my head sometimes….i have extreme energy for doing things but little for just sitting and resting and feeling….my kids father called me every name in the book cause he was having a temper tantrum because when i sent my son to his house….he lives a happy 18 hours drive…he didnt get the clothes he liked for zee…like its my job to provide them? He literally sent 155 texts calling me a whore and every bad name in the book…f. off and suck my…. and wow, he literally threw every insult in the book at me…over two outfits of clothes….it kind of made me laugh cause i was so happy to be away from him but i couldnt get mad….i wanted to say something back but I just said i feel uncomfortable with your abusive words and im shutting my phone off…go text urself. and after about 30 more ur a loser and i should have stuck my ….in a cow….the psycho left me alone….but inside i didnt feel rage or nothing. Im bewildered that he speaks or talks to anyone like that never mind me who has his son every single day…he doesnt pay child support …i told him not to so I could move away from him and take zee so its not like he has to pay alot of money out or something…he is such a wierdo and i was scared for my little son who is only 5 cause who was watching him when he was writing all this stuff….my son says he yells really loud too but is still nice to my son and takes him nice places when he has him….it is so wierd, first his rage and my lack of feeling…
    any help girls? Am I abnormal or normal?
    Am I repressing feelings and secretly deep down I would like to scream and yell but im not in touch? Am I over him so it doesnt matter?
    I wish I could be mad like Daria today because feeling nothing is how I always feel….not good, not bad, just nothing….usually try to look very smiley and attentive but no really large range of emotions other than I feel peace at night when i am in bed and my kids are safe in bed and asleep….

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 7:11pm

  237. 237: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    RE: #154 – “Brenda I am rooting for you. Though I had a sneaky feeling that you were in touch with Ryan because it has been a long time since your last downward spiral.”

    No, it has not been a long time since my last downward spiral. I have been falling apart since the middle of February, working toward healing. This is no small heartache. My contact with Ryan was for the purpose of healing, not trying to reconnect.

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 7:13pm

  238. 238: LoveAlwaysNo Gravatar says:

    CDdj wants to talk about my other CDs and what’s going on, kind of like a “big brother” but there’s more under the surface.

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 7:14pm

  239. 239: LoveAlwaysNo Gravatar says:

    Congrats Turquoise!! That really feels great to hear someone receiving something blessed happening to a siren!!!

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 7:17pm

  240. 240: LoveAlwaysNo Gravatar says:

    (((((((Lizka))))))) I just read about your day

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 7:22pm

  241. 241: Healing WaterfallNo Gravatar says:

    hi sirens
    i just caught up on today’s blog. i hope youfeel better daria that you got some of your anger out….

    turquoise you sound great….you go girl!

    i went on a date with another CD this am. i was not feeling all that great, my son got a fever in the middle of the night and it was a 9 am coffee date and I woke up at 8:30. I didn’t feel all that great and then i had the fever this afternoon. He looked way older than his pics on match, but at least he had all his hair. lol
    he was nice to talk to…accountantCD was jealous, since he knew i was going on a date, he saw us and he texted me after….
    i feel really angry at accountantCD, he told me yesterday how special i was to him and he just wasn’t ready to leave his gf, even though it was not good.
    so i am doing the letting it go ritual again…..that will feel better than feeling frustrated and horny…..
    it feels better to honor myself….so i went online and checked prices on bizrate.com and found myself some new sheets and a comforter that is new…..to replace the comforter i had when i was married, to get some new energy into the bedroom……and i got my son new sheets and drapes, all for 70 dollars and free shipping….NEW energy on my bed, energy of being in the vortex and receiving love….hooray…
    tomorrow i am not teaching, since i had a 103 fever at 2, but it’s totally gone, so i think i am going to drive to my favorite cove on the lake and pretend i know how to do watercolors and try to paint the cottonwood trunks, all knarled and thick bark and all and listen to the water lap the shores…..a day of hooky….the teacher gets to play…..

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 7:25pm

  242. 242: LoveAlwaysNo Gravatar says:

    This man’s heart is so sweet

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 7:28pm

  243. 243: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    RE: #217 – “Some of Turquoise’s Dreams……

    To write children’s books and have them published!

    To have the time, energy and funds available to travel, with my girls, with friends… and with a lover.

    To have my home feel open, warm, welcoming to friends, family, neighbors…. and for me to have gotten rid of all the clutter taking up precious space in my home. My house is huge, lots of space, but the stuff in the garage, shoved in closets and under beds drains my energy.

    To feel fabulous about my shape and body and to feel healthy, energized, and be a positive example of how to treat my body like a temple. To reach my goal weight and go shopping for a siren’s wardrobe!!!!”

    My same dreams!

    So happy for you having your credit card paid off!!

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 7:35pm

  244. 244: LoveAlwaysNo Gravatar says:

    I’m loving this body of mine, with all it’s flaws and imperfections

    100% woman

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 7:37pm

  245. 245: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Lizka – dang… yeah it always SEEMS awful to just sit at home and pine and refuse a guy… but it feels SO GOOD actually afterward and the better treatment comes practically immediately after holding boundaries

    its way worth it

    and ive seen u bend your boundaries repeatedly with these guys so as soon as you hold em yu will see how you start feeling stronger and better treatment shows up

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 7:38pm

  246. 246: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Turqoise – i think its a really bad idea to get with this guy who used to hit you. 5000 dollar credit card seems big but its really not That big.

    i feel sad that you are so into this guy but he HIT you.

    like more than once

    and i feel like all weirded out that everyone on this blog seems to be unconcerned about that and talking about what a great guy he is

    this guy does Not sound so great at all. He sounds like an ABUSER!

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 7:40pm

  247. 247: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    I feel kinda dumbfounded on this issue actually.

    like are they really supporting and encouraging this woman to go back with an abusive man? and saying how great this is?

    where and what women’s circle does this happen…


    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 7:42pm

  248. 248: LoveAlwaysNo Gravatar says:

    CDdj just called my CDing “escapades” LOL!!

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 7:44pm

  249. 249: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks Healing Waterfall

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 7:45pm

  250. 250: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you for the concern Daria, but people do change (we all believe that or why are we here? Or can only addicts change in your opinion?), and that was over 4 years ago, and before that it had been over 3 years during the end of our marriage. Things were bad then, really bad…. but we aren’t like that anymore. I’m not excusing what happened, but I do believe it won’t happen again. You obviously aren’t closely reading my posts, because we aren’t together. We aren’t dating, we aren’t a couple, he’s helping me for who knows what reason, and I’m learning to receive.

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 7:51pm

  251. 251: LoveAlwaysNo Gravatar says:

    Leaning back listening to him, letting him give, and I’m receiving and this is lovely

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 7:55pm

  252. 252: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    And not to downplay getting hit, because that really did suck the couple times it happened…. but it wasn’t like in the movies or on TV where dinner wasn’t on the table, or he didn’t like what I served. We had some big arguments where we both crossed a line. I haven’t forgotten it, but I really do believe it wouldn’t happen again or I wouldn’t even consider going back to that relationship.

    And this is more than a 5000 credit card. He’s done a lot for me in the last 9 months, more than any man I know of has done for his ex wife.

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 7:58pm

  253. 253: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    yay taking care of me

    so this guy INSISTED he take me to breakfast

    then hes like oh hell be there at 230 and me call him at 2 (cuz i left my phone in his car last nite by accident)

    then i called him and at like 3 hes like oh im at my kis school

    and then heslike well have to make it dinner on text

    and im like umk what time

    no answer

    i caleld at 5 and no answer

    i called at 7 no answer and i left a vm

    ok so NOW i actually napped all day so its all good… but i DONT WANNA WAIT

    s u know what

    i broguth out my other phone and switched my service


    I FELT SO MAD THAT HE DIDNT SEEM TO RESPECT MY TIME IN THIS WAY (he coulda let me know BEFORE 2 he wasnt coming, and gave me a plan for later if he wanted to do that)

    so now im like YES for taking care of me and /NOT waiting, not a lil bit

    yeah me

    oh wow this way feels so much better and stronger

    i do want my oldschool phone back, but if i never see it again… welll

    i am back on!

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 7:59pm

  254. 254: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Turquoise I believe that every coach I have heard have said that people change. Plus we see that in real life when people want to change themselves they do. I remember CCarter saying “don’t be afraid to lose a man. Be afraid that he won’t change”. A quote I have been meaning to share with Lilibee. If I can change to the point where sometimes my son tells me I am fake because he is experiencing me as so new then anyone can change.

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 8:01pm

  255. 255: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Daria and Turq,

    RE: #242 – I never knew he abused her. This is news to me.

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 8:06pm

  256. 256: Healing WaterfallNo Gravatar says:

    I didn’t know he hit you either. But i do also believe that sometimes when things are really bad, bad things happen that won’t happen again.

    and fw, i really like that quote about ccarter. being afraid that a guy won’t change instead of being afraid of losing a guy….
    i feel that is where i am now with accountantCd…i am not afraid of losing him now, since this is not where i want to be, BUT i am afraid that he won’t change and i will have this huge void, since he has been stepping up in lots of little ways in the last few days, but not being in open relationship…
    thanks :)
    and my new CD, naropaCD emailed me and wants to take me geocaching….

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 8:11pm

  257. 257: LoveAlwaysNo Gravatar says:

    He loves my sense of freedom – wow, never knew he noticed

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 8:11pm

  258. 258: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you FW, I appreciate that. I think I’m a pretty good judge of character, and I see huge changes in him. I think 3 deployments to war zones where he experienced massive violence and saw autrocities against humanity, saw the complete diregard for human life,…. I believe it changed him deeply, to his core. He wrote me a sincere apology letter a few years ago, it means a lot to me…. and he’s never laid a finger on me in anger since that day. He hasn’t even gotten mad about stuff I thought he’d be really upset about. He’s different, I see it, I feel it… and most of all, I am different too.

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 8:13pm

  259. 259: LoveAlwaysNo Gravatar says:

    Sharing some deep stuff with me. Connection connection connection

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 8:13pm

  260. 260: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    4 years is NOT a long time. ppl do change… but that is NOT solid when a guy hits u

    i know u know that i know ur not with him

    youre selling yourself a dream with this guy

    hes taking care of you cuz youre the mother of his children…

    it might be more than the ppl around u have, but its not too much at all; – like Zara said, he directly benefits

    this man used to HIT YOU. that means he handles conflict by hitting u

    he regularly verbaly abuses you when you talk on the phone about your daughters

    this is NOT a cool choice

    feel free to take your anger and defensiveness out on me

    but im being REAL

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 8:15pm

  261. 261: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    And Daria…. if you were concerned about me, why wait until now to say something, and like that? Your sound VERY judgemental to me, and never mentioned anything about it to me before. Ever. I’m wondering why this triggered you now?

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 8:16pm

  262. 262: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    You are being a bit3h is what you are being.

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 8:17pm

  263. 263: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Your words certainly aren’t encouraging or supportive. You suck as a coach Daria and I really don’t like you.

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 8:20pm

  264. 264: LoveAlwaysNo Gravatar says:

    CDdj is dynamic indeed. I feel so alive speaking to him!

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 8:21pm

  265. 265: LoveAlwaysNo Gravatar says:

    these are the positive vibes I’ve been needing all day! Whooooo

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 8:22pm

  266. 266: Butterfly wingsNo Gravatar says:

    Daria. Men can and do change. If they want to.

    My ex didn’t and is still the exact same horrible man he was 12 years ago when I left him.

    T’s said that both he and she have changed a lot.

    She is living this and only she can judge if he truly has changed. So why can’t we all be happy for her and support her as she continues to grow and heal?

    She may end up with C or she may not. But she will be a much better person than she was when she was with C regardless.

    Sorry about talking about you in the third person Turquoise.


    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 8:22pm

  267. 267: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    But I am not going to let you ruin my good mood. I am happy, my life is coming together, I am inspired to make positive changes in my life and I feel really great.

    No matter what might happen with him, he’s being really great to me, and I appreciate that.

    The men you date sound like thugs, gangsters, drug users…. I wouldn’t fish in your bowl, so you don’t have to like mine either.

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 8:23pm

  268. 268: Butterfly wingsNo Gravatar says:

    Oh and also I grew significantly after leaving my ex. He stayed the same which is why I’m not attracted to him – AT ALL.

    Fron what T says, she’s grown too. If C hadn’t then I’m quite positive T would have zero attraction to him now.


    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 8:25pm

  269. 269: LoveAlwaysNo Gravatar says:


    Focus on the blessing darling! It’s a good thing that happened. The past is the past, and abuse is a hot topic that triggers a lot of us. But we are very happy for your joy, please hold on that joy and continue to be in a happy, positive mood!!!

    Love to everyone!

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 8:28pm

  270. 270: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:


    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 8:29pm

  271. 271: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks Butterfly wings, and the talking about me in the third person doesn’t bother me. I appreciate the support. Getting slammed on the blog for being happy and excited, feels pretty pathetic, even if someone disagrees with my choices.

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 8:31pm

  272. 272: Butterfly wingsNo Gravatar says:

    Turquoise, I’m a coach myself and I know all about abuse first-hand. And although my ex hasn’t changed at all, I know of plenty of men who have.

    C’s situation is kind of different too, because while nothing justifies treating someone badly, he has been through so much more than most of us could even try to imagine. That’s got to affect you in some way!

    So I do feel compassion for him and I can see that he’s definitely doing what he can to help you create a better life.

    Could it be guilt? Maybe. But what really matters is how you and your daughters feel. If you’re anything like me with my girls, all you want is the best for them. And C is helping you with that. He’s also a big part of their lives too, which also impresses me. My ex only wanted regular contact after he realized that he’d have to pay me lots more in child support. Nice.


    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 8:40pm

  273. 273: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you Love Always!

    Ok… shifting to happy thoughts again….

    We have had AMAZING weather here this week, I can’t believe it’s mid march and we are having 70 degree, sunny weather. My girls are thrilled… riding bikes, doing tricks on the trampoline, neighbors are out and socializing…. oh it feels so good! One of the best things about this house, is the neighborhood. There are always kids to play with, dogs out to pet…. and it feels so friendly and happy here. I really love it.

    Now along with the heat and sun, has come the thunder. I don’t believe it’s started raining yet… but it’s going to storm tonight. The thunder has been rumbling all evening…. and I feel so safe and cozy inside. Thursday is my favorite TV night, and even though I’m quite squeemish about medical stuff in real life, I LOVE my medical TV shows… although, there is just as much sex and drama on Grey’s and Private Practice as medicine.

    My POF mailbox keeps filling up… and the refreshing part is that most of them aren’t men I’ve heard from before, or even remember seeing on there, so it’s a nice reminder that new single people can arrive in my life at any time. There are a few that sound ok,… we’ll see what happens. I am practicing being open, leaning back and using my feeling messages. So far, getting lots of compliments on my eyes and smile, and one guy said I was stunning, so that was nice to hear. :)

    I keep getting what I want, even when I don’t expect to get it or how I expect, especially so soon. It feels kinda making wishes and they are coming true. No negative thoughts, just making a wish, having no expectations and then it happens. It’s unreal. I need to read more about law of attraction… because I don’t know why this is working out like this for me, or how I’m doing it…. but it feels amazing!

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 8:48pm

  274. 274: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    It was a good night with ModelCD. We ate and smoke and cuddle a bit on the couch… Cute.

    Helped me not think about ATW whi still haven’t tell me if I’m seeing him tomorrow…

    Anyway, I have a back up plan with myself if he can’t see me tomorrow. I’ll go shopping with all that money I got today! Yay!

    Off to bed now sirens. xoxo

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 8:51pm

  275. 275: LoveAlwaysNo Gravatar says:

    Good night sweet Lizka! Glad you had a good time tonight!!

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 8:57pm

  276. 276: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you Butterfly Wings. It could be guilt, but I believe he only has good intentions, to help me have a better life, to have less stress… and I feel really lucky that even with all we’ve been through, he wants to take care of us, especially the girls. Now that the girls are older, it’s a lot easier for him to have them, and he’s really really stepped up in the last year to see them as much as possible. He wants to be a part of their lives, teach them new things, expose them to new activities, sports. etc. Since remembering to use some of the tools I’ve learned here, and my feeling messages, our conversations are getting a lot better. No more over reactions or arguments. It feels so interesting to apply the tools and see immediate results. Leaning back is helping me to wait, to think, and then respond.

    And the best thing is, I know I’ll be ok, no matter what happens. Before, I’d have insisted for a result, given ultimatums, put pressure on,…. oh the old me, yikes!

    Now, I’m heading to my bridge and I can see the other side, and nothing, nobody, is goingto knock me off my horse, he’s not even on the back… he’s walking beside me and I see the fork in the road ahead. We’ll see what happens when we reach it.

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 9:02pm

  277. 277: LoveAlwaysNo Gravatar says:

    What a wonderful heartfelt connecting conversation with this man, OMG. Thank God my day is ending in such and fabulous way, I am so grateful and feeling full of good inside. Feels fabulous!!!

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 9:04pm

  278. 278: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    That is wonderful Love Always…. I feel so happy for you, I love days like that!

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 9:08pm

  279. 279: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:


    Gotcha FW :)


    I feel so alive!
    I feel beautiful inside and out
    I feel loving
    I feel compassionate
    I feel warm
    I feel light
    I feel soft
    I feel flowy
    I feel relaxed
    I feel flexible

    I don’t have much faith in D changing…But I do know that I am such a different person from when I met him!
    I feel so happy and grateful that I’ve spent these last excrutiating 2 and a half years with him!
    I never thought that I would ever feel that way in a million years!

    I’ve made the dissociation between his stuff and mine.
    I listened to Toxic Men over and over, maybe 4x.
    Throughout this experience w D, I’ve been hearing Rori’s voice from Toxic Men repeating “which of the stuff is his, and which of it is yours?”
    By answering that question over and over through everything, I’ve managed to dissociate what’s his and what’s mine.
    That’s what helped me return the focus on myself to learn and evolve.
    That’s where my strength and serenity is coming from.

    Are you are all expecting me to hit him on the head with what I found out from the other woman?
    I will tell him what I know, but I will be doing from a place of serenity, love and compassion.
    I will thank him forever for the new me I am now!
    Correction: The ‘REAL’ me I am now.

    I spent the week sinking into my feelings.
    I shared with 1 close friend who told me that me and the other woman are acting childish.
    Coz I told her about the hard time and sweating he was going through last Thursday night when we both wanted to go see him at the same time.
    Her and I weren’t yet talking then, it just happened by fluke.
    He was in a panic and fumbled.
    He called me from his ‘home’ landline phone saying he was at the restaurant with a male friend.
    I was laughing my head off, that’s why my friend was calling me childish.
    I said “Yeah, I’m a big kid having fun! lol :)
    I am who I am at every moment and I love and accept who I am.
    I’m not denying my feelings…on the contrary, it’s by soaking in and sinking into all my nasty angry sad feelings that I got to being happy and funloving no matter what the man does.
    I wasn’t attached to any outcome whatsoever when I was seeing him since I walked in to them. I was just leaning back and letting him be who he was.

    Tonight after zumba class, I confided in a close friend. She is such a soft loving siren.
    She completely gets me.
    She validated me for having stayed around him so long, which is why in her opinion that I am not all ‘destroyed’…The truth is it’s bc I had my sister sirens and Rori holding my hand throughout.
    She was the perfect friend at the perfect moment tonight to seal my evolution.
    After our talk, that’s when all the feelings listed above came out.

    He’s gonna think I’m totally nuts! lol
    Of course I feel like protecting myself from him, but not in the same way as before.
    Before I was shutoff and closed off, I had my wall protecting me.
    Now I don’t need that wall to protect me, I have my FMs and my boundaries to protect me! They feel warm and connected! They feel so much better than the cold wall!

    OMG have I changed since he met me!
    I’ve connected to myself like never before!
    My feelings don’t stay stuffed down anymore!
    They come up and I feel them!
    I know them so well now, I can express them!
    I FEEL ALIVE ! 😀
    I used to feel frozen in fear, now I feel like I’m thawing out with spring season!
    What a hot summer this is going to be! Woohoooo!

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 9:09pm

  280. 280: CurvySiren10No Gravatar says:

    Turquoise, just wanted to lend some words of support and tell you how happy I am for you. I think your head and your attitude is in the RIGHT place….I know you’re invested in wanting things to work out with C, but being able to just RECEIVE all of the goodness right now is a huge shift. I am very happy for you and also believe that people most definitely CAN and DO change. I trust your judgment and just wanted to tell you so.

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 9:15pm

  281. 281: sensualNo Gravatar says:

    i feel like hyperventilating and crying right now…i feel so hopeless, i went from having all these CDs to having them all disappear on me at once. i feel jerked around and pushed and pulled. the only men in touch are 2 with girlfriends and a check-in text from FWB who will not give me anything real – they just keep me around and don’t step up and the available ones just vanish when 3/4 weeks pass and it comes time to develop things. i feel hopeless right now. sorry for feeling sorry for myself on here and for spamming a bit :(. i feel bad to corrupt the blog with my negativity right now

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 9:15pm

  282. 282: LoveAlwaysNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you Turquoise – It started off a rough day and now it’s bliss!!!

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 9:17pm

  283. 283: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    Sorry for the long post, and Thank You all for indulging me…I can’t help it.
    This is the most wonderful I’ve ever felt in my life!
    This wonderful feeling was popping out every time after I’ve sunk into my bad feelings.
    Every time, it feels stronger and stronger, and I’m feeling it more and more often.
    I even feel it at the core, and the bad feelings only feel at the surface. It’s like my feelings did a flip…I let the deeprooted bad feelings rise to the top and the good sank down to the core.

    I’m must look like such a nutcase.
    This is total opposite than I am used to feeling under such circumstances.
    You’ve seen the expression “thinking outside the box”? Well I’m “feeling” outside the box.

    I’m used to feeling lonely and isolated after a breakup with only ‘superficial’ acquaintances and only 2 true close friends.
    Now I have 4 true close friends, and I am constantly going out and have so many wonderful outtings to look forward to!…even vacation…I never thought it was possible for me to go on vacation without a man taking me!

    I’m so in love with myself and my life right now! 😀

    I used to think that happiness was just for other people, not for me!

    Even my friends tell me that I have an alive look on my face compared to before.

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 9:22pm

  284. 284: Healing WaterfallNo Gravatar says:

    Hi sensual,
    i am sorry you are feeling like all your cd’s are vanishing….i wonder why? The next time you magnetize cd’s to you they will stick around i bet….are you invalidating yourself that you are not worthy and so you are attracting this? I like the FW visualiztion you could use to shift your feeling….imagine all the CD;s you could possibly handle bringing you flowers and taking you out and being kind to you and you just receiving….i am going to go do that myself, it is not aneasy one to keep up, it brings up uncomfortable feelings for me, but it feels good initially….
    then the other thing that shifts me into receiving mode and loving my body is breathing into my vagina and letting the muscles relax and as i breathe out, letting all that bliss from letting the vaginal muscles relax bubble out into my aura….that feels really good and honoring of my being a woman….hope this helps and that you feel inspired or at least you know that you have a choice to feel the way you do, wherever you are at, remember you are a sensual, beautiful siren.

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 9:26pm

  285. 285: Healing WaterfallNo Gravatar says:

    Hi lillibee
    great visual to read about you feeling your strength and joy at your core….
    how beautiful and inspiring
    love joy bliss peace to you

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 9:29pm

  286. 286: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    I am no longer afraid to let people know I’m interested in them and how I’m feeling happy to see them!

    I’ve been told so often in my life that I look disinterested and bored.
    D told me that I didn’t look interested, so he found it felt good to be open to women who did.

    Guess what! He’s not right for me, he’s too insecure.
    There’s my pattern!
    The last 4 men that cheated on me were all extremely insecure.
    I felt safe with them, bc I was sure that an insecure man would feel so honoured to have me that they wouldn’t stray, they are too insecure to venture showing interest in another woman.
    I believed that insecure men fear rejection too much to make moves on another woman.
    Well, I was wrong, they get their courage when their drunk…and any woman showing them interest is too flattering and selfesteem boosting to turn down.

    The real safety is being connected.
    How could they be connected to me when I put up my wall and shut down!

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 9:31pm

  287. 287: Healing WaterfallNo Gravatar says:

    good night i am going to bed and i hope that tomorrow i will heal even more and i will fall more in love with myself and magnetize more love into my life and i will bring more money too while i am at it.
    good night sirens
    it really felt nice to be back on the blog and read about your lives and be able to comment on mine

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 9:31pm

  288. 288: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Lillibee!! You sound wonderful.

    Sensual… I’m sorry you feel so awful. Remember that real happiness comes when we are happy with ourselves, regardless of having a man. Sending big hugs!

    Thank you curvysiren…. I can’t remember the last time I really received anything substantial. It feels so good… I feel like I don’t have to worry so much, that things will work out… that good things are coming to me, and I won’t have to work so hard to get them. I feel…. relieved, like I can close my eyes, get some sleep… and let what’s going to happen, happen.

    And I am hopeful about C. But, I really have no expectations. Things aren’t working out the way I’d have expected them to anyways so it’s easy to not even really wonder about it. I never thought he’d buy me a house, ever, like in my wildest dreams ever. He will be travelling a lot and won’t be back until Easter, so I have a few weeks to sink into my feelings, and continue focusing on myself.

    And really, even if we tried to make it work, he doesn’t live here, it would be a slow process…. no rushing into anything.

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 9:33pm

  289. 289: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:


    Hi Sensual,

    Sink into those bad feelings so the good ones can rise back on top.

    Those CDs have vanished to shift your vibe so you can attract a brand new fresh batch of CDs better than the 1st.

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 9:35pm

  290. 290: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:


    You’re so wise Turquoise :)

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 9:36pm

  291. 291: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Ok sirens, I have to get to bed… I am up much later than I planned to be. Sweet dreams/good morning (depending on where you are in the world! )

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 9:37pm

  292. 292: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:


    Thank You HW! It feels good to feel validated by your comment. :)

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 9:38pm

  293. 293: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    Feeeeelllings, oh wo wow wo feeeelings, like I never had beefooore…
    You know the song, come on sing it with me sirens!

    Spammming my good vibes on the blog…I hope you all catch them :)

    Off to dreamland. Goodnight sister sirens! xox

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 9:43pm

  294. 294: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:


    Responding to my own post:

    He didn’t make me feel ‘safe’.
    I didn’t make him feel ‘safe’ either.
    All by being disconnected!
    Now I feel connected with myself and I am creating my own safety.
    Feeling ‘safe’ with myself, that makes me ‘trust’ myself.

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 9:48pm

  295. 295: sensualNo Gravatar says:

    thank you lilie bee and healing waterfall. im just going to feel sad tonight coz i need to get it out. i feel drained of energy to even think about putting myself out there to find new CDs and to feel positive about them when the same thing happens over. i’m thinking maybe i need to move city

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 10:08pm

  296. 296: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    175 Ella, sorry I missed that, I had to run to a hair appointment.

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 10:15pm

  297. 297: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i feel tight in my tummy and angry and sad

    Rori – it would feel great if u can come on the blog and talk about what it means if i say i feel angry often and maybe everyday and how I am encouraged and safe to do that here

    and also what you think about dating, relating with men who have repeatedly HIT us in the past in conflict

    thanks –

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 10:54pm

  298. 298: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Going to bed, feeling so blessed:):) sweet dreams everyone

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 11:05pm

  299. 299: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    A girl becomes a woman when she learns to love herself more than she loves a man.
    Enlighten. Empower. Esteem. Esteem Yourself E-magazine http://www.EsteemYourself.com
    By: Esteem Yourself

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 11:46pm

  300. 300: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Daria, I am re-reading over stuff from earlier in the day and i can see that at the time you originally posted I was reading much more of a “charge” (and attack) in your initial words than I can honestly see now. And then I was reading over my own initial words, which i didn’t intend any charge for either, and imagining that at the time you might have felt the same way i did about your words, like there was a charge/attack in MY words, And then things felt intense and bad all the way around earlier.

    oh but then you said you wanted to punch me but called ME an abuser, and i got confused, like what on earth do i say to someone who just told me they want to hurt me with violence? “well actually i don’t want to be punched in the face”? That felt silly to even say and definitely like needless nitpicking anyway because i really trust you’re not going to punch me:). and i also felt like AH HA you really just make no sense, woman, and this just proves it all! but that was just one post so maybe i don’t even want to look at that in terms of the bigger picture. and then every path i consider just feels petty, and the final destination of every path is some form of “proving a point” and that doesn’t feel right at all for me, at least when i am lucky enough to remember i actually have a Choice about the paths I walk down. When I feel triggered I forget about Choice and it feels like paths walk down me and not the other way around.

    in conclusion, i hope your day tomorrow is more peaceful at home and out in the world and in the internetworld.

    Thursday, 15 March 2012 @ 11:57pm

  301. 301: TiffanyNo Gravatar says:

    Ladies, I have lost 3 pounds since last Friday. And I thought I was eating lots of bad and carb-y foods. But I’ve also been drinking a ton of water. And I’ve actually been letting way more liquid out than I’ve been putting in. So basically, I feel like my body is spontaneously flushing toxins. At the same time that I having a ton of emotional release…it goes together.

    I went for a chiropractic adjustment today. That was pretty spectacular as well. I could feel myself being more relaxed on the table, and ready to “let go” of the subluxations in my joints. So when my chiropractor went to do the structural adjustments, they were really satisfying. I had this great rippling crack up the middle of my back, and she just stepped back and said, “That was awesome.” I agreed. And I laughed. That one always makes me laugh…

    There was this older woman there that I knew. And she didn’t know I was there – until I picked my head up and waved to her, before she walked out (it’s a room with several adjusting tables so multiple people come it at once.) She was surprised to see me, and her first words to me were, “Cute butt.” Tehee! That just about made my day! :)

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 12:01am

  302. 302: maliNo Gravatar says:

    I feel so blessed to have clothes which make me look hot.
    I feel so blessed to be me, to be a Siren, to be spiritually aware.
    I feel s blessed to have a truly amazing bunch of people in my life who love and support me.
    I feel blessed to have and be able to love ME.
    And I feel blessed to have the Universe. I love you!! And thankyou for loving me just as you created me <3<3<3

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 12:43am

  303. 303: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    whoa!!! i feel teary…

    this imaginary sexy man, who may have been my dead homeboy, caem into my imagination right now and was feelin attracted by me and touched my heart with his finger and i felt strengthened from teh ball at my tail to my heart and even it felt comfortable to look out my EYES

    not like i was shaking out my body

    and i want to remember feeling like this so that i can use it as a tool again and again

    this mothafuchka just touched me and i felt POWERFUL inside me like i could stand up straight and look people in the eye and was SAFE

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 3:22am

  304. 304: maryNo Gravatar says:


    just reappearing for a moment…

    i read this post and it really interested me.

    Lamabutterfly: your actions are consistent with your beliefs and I admire that.

    Rori and Daria: your actions are consistent with your beliefs, and I admire that, too. And what you say is so true! Some people who don’t have sex before marriage hide behind a virtuous veneer for other reasons: they have addictions, aversions or other hang-ups, and it’s good to steer clear of those people. Abstinence does make sex hugely important, and the need to get married also very important, and that is totally against the thinking these days…

    And Lamabutterfly: it says in the Bible that people who don’t believe think that the practices of believers are foolish. So that is consistent with things that were said on the post and in the comments.

    anyway, all this is very interesting!

    hey again to everyone!

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 3:23am

  305. 305: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Starla – uhoh i felt like i got punched in the chest just flying through over your comment. i feel baaaaad.. i dont wanna fight no more. i wana be sisters and friends again. im sorry.

    im just gonna skip it in case theres some punches in there and i wanna know anything u wana tell me from there that i might wanna know that might feel good.

    what do you think? id feel better to not fight and i dont wana feel mad at you and now i dont, i feel kinda vulnerable and also kinda relaxed and i know i care about you.

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 3:28am

  306. 306: DariaNo Gravatar says:


    somehow i feel really uncomfortable and deeply angry reading this

    “And Lamabutterfly: it says in the Bible that people who don’t believe think that the practices of believers are foolish. So that is consistent with things that were said on the post and in the comments.”

    i feel deeply offended. in like taht deep deep deep place that like someone is judging my religion kidna way

    and im sure it didnt mean to call me a nonbeliever . or soemthing like that. it coulda been meant that any way although its totally obvious to me it was meant the way im interpreting it, and im being judged in this deep offensive way that feels /MOuntain shakingly disrespectful on a spiritual level

    i love my huge anger

    my ocean

    waving side to side

    moving in my hips

    moving and clenching on the top of my hand


    side to side

    my ocean



    i felt deeply triggered

    waht i thought is not true

    thoughts are not true

    i honor me

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 3:36am

  307. 307: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    omg starla – i guess i just got punched from remembering earlier today, cuz i read your post and it did not feel bad . actually it felt really good.


    sigh of relief.

    <3 Starla


    it feels cool how we both have our own styles of speaking at this time when we are feeling ourselves

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 3:38am

  308. 308: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    Woohoo! TH bought a new iPad and gave me his old one! Happy happy me!

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 4:27am

  309. 309: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Good morning! I’d like to know what happened to my sweet girl, that now I am mostly getting stress and talking back in the mornings about simple things like eating breakfast and brushing her teeth. She lost her cell phone privledges for the day, and then when I enforced it made some really smart comments about her sister being treated differently on the way out the door, so I called her back in, repeated that I wasn’t putting up with it nor did I deserve to be talked to that, so she’s lost it until Sunday. I usually cave in and give it back sooner, but I am really frustrated with her right now, so not feeling like I can ease up.

    Grrr… not how I wanted to start my day. This needs work.

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 4:41am

  310. 310: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    That’s great BW~ :) I don’t have one, but they sound fabulous! I’m enjoying my iphone a lot more than I expected to!

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 4:43am

  311. 311: EllaNo Gravatar says:


    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 4:57am

  312. 312: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    ATW still haven’t call me to tell me if he cancel his plans or not for tonight.

    I am leaning back as hard as I can. I feel frustrated that there is nothing else than leaning back that I can do.

    If he doesn’t call I’ll go shopping after walk and it’s gonna make me happy as I haven’t buy new clothes in a while and I have a big shopping budget this month.

    But ModelCD was suppose to go see a DJ he likes at an afterhour club but he said he’s not sure and if he’s not going we might do something… I feel so confused with keepin my time open for ATW tonight or not…

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 5:09am

  313. 313: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Lizka – don’t keep it open. You are so hot. You are going to have all the guys you deserve soon. You know what I’m talking about.

    Yeah baby!

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 5:13am

  314. 314: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    I feel like I have all the guys i deserve….

    BUT… they all propose exclusivity the first day…

    and then they feel “hurt” and dont want to see me again as much. thats the story im telling myself

    im so glad im writing it down!

    it soudns like nonsense


    i was falling for this?

    oh my

    i wanna shorten my dates


    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 5:15am

  315. 315: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    And about the night with ModelCD. We didn’t go out for a drink because I said it was late for me. We ate and we cuddled on the couch watching TV. It was the first time we had a real contact. 3rd date.

    I feel happy that we are going slowly and that he haven’t try to kiss me yet. I like that a lot. I don’t want to be thinking of ATW and feel bad when ModelCD kiss me for the first time. It’s gonna make the kiss taste bitter and I don’t want that. I’m trying to be as open as I can though…

    I’m thinking that I might be acting too “friendly”, making jokes all the time and maybe talking too much. Hmmm gonna try to work on this next time…

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 5:15am

  316. 316: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    the guy with my phone never did show up.

    i had another phone at my house and got it turned on!

    i feel so triumphant at not waiting


    woo hoo

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 5:16am

  317. 317: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Daria I know I’m not suppose to keep it open. But the thing is I did a mistake yesterday and pressured ATW to tell me when he can see me (I said it felt bad not to have plans in advace and went blamey saying “when you plan all your things with your friends in advance$. I know it’s horrible but it’s in the past now.

    So he said he has plans for tonight and will try to cancel them to be with me… it sounded sincere…

    So if he calls me and says he cancels his plans for me and I just say “too late” I think I’m gonna sound like the worst b*tch ever, no?

    Anyway I’m not gonna be home and waiting by the phone if he can’t see me or just doesn’t call back, I’m gonna be doing one of my favourite things: shopping!

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 5:20am

  318. 318: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Now I’m feeling super sad that ATW haven’t call me. I don’t want to be forgotten. I want to be taken care of. He knows I’m feeling sad about the possibility of not seeing him this weekend. I M actually feeling vulnerable. He knows it. I want to be taken care of. Why can’t he take care of me than? I feek teary and my heart feels tight in my breast…

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 5:26am

  319. 319: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    To say I am feelin unbalanced of off centre would be an understatement right now.

    Still not heard from MWC since yesterday afternoon. This is unheard of at the moment.

    Having said that I still feel annoyed at myself for getting this unbalanced over a man.

    I know there is defnitely something up… and I feel so nervous.

    Like a sense of dread.

    Don’t know why I assume the worst.

    Have no idea.

    Maybe he is just in his cave…

    But I am making up all sorts of bad feeling stories.

    Some moments I am actually perfectly fine, and I would even go so far as to say calm and strong… and I can see the bigger picture, and the next moment I am in the soup again. Swimming.

    I know this is my stuff being triggered now.

    I know I intend to be much stronger than this.

    This can feel a bit icky, but I am just wondering if I can choose some different thoughts around this situation to encourage me to feel better?

    I would love to do something tonight however unfortunately I am working till late and can’t think of anything I could do with no money this last minute.

    One thing I am pretty sure on is that I will not be going to MWCs later even if/when he does get in touch.

    He has left it far to late to firm up plans.

    Oh well its probably for the best.

    How am I feeling.

    Nervous ball of ICK in my tummy.

    Think I will keep a low profile on FB for a while too.

    Loving me.

    Wonder how I can take good care of myself tonight?

    Working tomorrow morning too.

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 5:31am

  320. 320: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    I was thinking that I don’t want ATW just half. I don’t want him to have one fokt in my life and the other one out. Was rhinking of a way to say it in Fm next time I see him. I came with “I feel bad and empty and not taken care of. I don’t want a man who has a foot in my life and the other one out.” but than I thought it’s so not true. I let me other CDs having only one foot in my life (do we say one foot or one step btw?), so why not him? I even let E having a girlfriend for now as i know he’s gonna come back to me after! After all ATW IS JUST ANOTHER D@MM CD!!!! Thabks for remember it Lizka. I feel released now. Ahhhhhhhh!

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 5:39am

  321. 321: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    I also talked to a past CD who is also my cousin’s ex and now i feel a holding about taht in my inghinal region

    and now all through my body

    i feel so guilty!

    and embarassed

    and im so glad im writing that

    i feel exposed

    i truly feel embarassed

    and i like this man

    and i feel embarassed

    and ive liked him ever since we were kids

    and he liked her

    and i feel like im begging someone for permission

    to be ok to feel what i feel

    what if it was ok

    ouch stabs

    yu acn turn into an evil backstabber

    and i kissed him when i was 16 and they were dating

    i was drunk at the club and i hit on him

    and he went with it


    and it was fun

    and it was just cuz of the drama it felt thrilling

    and now

    i feel embarassed

    i love drama

    drama feels exciting

    like that melodrama

    telenovela kind


    i get feelings for ‘forbidden” men

    yes its teh ‘forbidden”

    not just unavialable but “forbidden”

    :: :::

    guy who got off on that too

    and so do i

    and im twisted

    i beat mysefl up for liking the “forbidden”

    and i feel so thrilled

    i even feel turned on and thrilled right now writing about it

    i can just aceept this about me?

    i feel scared

    i feel uncomfortable with this about me

    i judge myself about thsi

    and im right about this

    they said

    its bad to be attracted to the “forbidden”


    and noting

    im creating “popularitY” and feeling cool for myself!

    by having a hgue audience of men online

    like my own private facebook
    with men

    who just contstantly compliment me

    it feels awesome

    theres always like 20 writing me

    and wanting to meet me sometimes last minute

    its crankin!


    and iwant it to be even MORE legit

    more awesome even BETter quality men

    wooo hooo

    i wonder what that would feel like

    im gonna ask the ones that mess up for chocolates.

    for me to allow them to see me again and feel comforrable that im not playin myself

    i dont feel good feelin like im playin myself

    or havin less than i feel i deserve

    umfa umfa


    i feel good


    mmmmm im feeling good!

    wow EFT


    i want to give myself permission to feel worthy!!!

    ive been putting myself down much less
    making less jokes at my expense in converastion with others

    and i feel safer with me!!


    i feellike im communicating a higher worth

    i was born with a good COMMAND of my sexuality

    and my legs and hips are very stiff

    from holding it

    holding it

    it happened before i was born it came in my genes


    my dance teacher too her hips arent flexible

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 5:41am

  322. 322: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:

    Feeling like something is off today… not liking this. Spoke to M last night and he was totally engulfed in his custody issues with his ex wife and with his divorce coming up. I understand he has so much to deal with right now and he needs to focus on that. Also, money issues I am sure are bothering him. His ex is wiping him out financially.

    I am upset bc I felt so connected to him the last 2 weeks and now it seems like there is a little ‘rift’ from the couple of last days. Am I being selfish? All this makes me want to lean forward… but I know it’s against the rules. Feeling bad.

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 5:45am

  323. 323: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Lizka – because, you dint have to justify it that you dont hold it up with these other guys

    you just take a babystep with One of them, in this case ATW

    after that, youll more easily tell ?ALL of them you dont want one foot in one foot out

    cuz you DONt!

    but i recommend you get a lil more specific with how you feel and get in a sensation of your body in the message.

    im writing this too you cuz i often feel worrie dill be “called on it” (but you called THAT guy, why not me) but its not about that. its about me and my boundary, so just cuz i had poor boundaries in the past with everybody doesnt mean im not gonna have good boundaries with This man, right now. and then ill see how i feel. and then ill see how i feel some more.

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 5:46am

  324. 324: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:

    I want to sleep in his arms every night.
    Wow, it feels good to admit that.

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 5:48am

  325. 325: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Siren Angel – no you are not being selfish…

    anytime you notice youreslef thnking that word about yourself really notice it and soothe youreslf and love yourself. KNOW … just DECIDE. now that its not true. and remind yourself when you notice it. that you decided its not true. that no matter how loud, or how logical, the voice is, YOU are in charge. and you Know its not true.

    and then love the part of you that learned to think taht of herself . awww . that lil girl.

    And also, instead of leaning forward… lean backward. you’re feeling lonely and disconnected. thats not good treatment from a guy. dont jump in him… he’s not filling u up. forget about him. do something fun. man energy will come running after somethign moving away

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 5:49am

  326. 326: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:

    Is it possible a man is holding off moving forward when his divorce/custody issue is not resolved yet? I keep feeling that when all the custody/divorce issues are being him then he will step up even more and we can move forward. Am I imagining this, lying to myself?

    He said something that made me smile last Sunday on our last vacation day: He said, just when we were packing up to leave the cottage that he was happy and that it was a good decision to go back to that cottage we had issues in last xmas, that we replaced the bad moments with really good moments and that ‘We are back on our horse’!!! lol :-)

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 5:51am

  327. 327: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:

    Daria @319,

    You are right, these are bad thoughts, giving them a cookie now and sending them off.

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 5:53am

  328. 328: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:

    So M has decided during the vacation that ‘we should both remove completely our match profiles’ (he had reposted during our breakup a profile). I am so nervous. My profile has been hidden for weeks now, but I didnt remove yet. It feels like giving away further possibilities until I am sure he is stepping up to what I want. Then again, we had decided weeks ago to be completely exclusive to each other.

    I am not even checking if his profile is still up, not logging in. It feels beneath myself to do anything like that or give that any kind of energy in the first place.

    I am the prize.

    I am a Goddess.

    I am a Siren.

    I am THE ONE.

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 5:57am

  329. 329: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:

    When he tells me his profile is removed, then I will remove mine.

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 5:58am

  330. 330: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Lizka – ive been reading your posts i knwo about the maybe hell cancel. Dont keep it open.

    maybe he’ll cancel is NOT a date.

    A real woman worth having wont wait for anybody

    you dont need a maybe

    you onlyl make yourself FOR SURE when its for A FOR SURE

    meanwhile, you dont have any plans right now. that is reality.

    and if he changes them, you say :

    wow i feel kinda surprised… i didnt hear from you yeseterday that felt kinda bad… i feel kinda upset actually…

    then depending on what he says you can also say something like : i made plans now it wouldve felt great to do that if i knew ahead of time.

    and then forgive him like : thank you for apologizing. when i dont hear about plans ahead of time, i feel kinda forgotten and all casual and that feels bad. i dont want to feel bad it makes me feel turned off.

    and then stuff like:

    well yeah, i’d feel open to see you again though… i feel good that you made an effort for me … acutally i feel really flattered :)

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 6:00am

  331. 331: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:

    Getting ready to leave the house and have my hair done… deepening my new brunette color and getting a hair-cut (just a trim on the ends). I want my hair to be a flowing waterfall of lovely brunette silky strands that end in little curls, like rippling waves of silk. Awww… I feel so good when I take care of me. :-)

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 6:00am

  332. 332: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:

    And M just loves my hair, and the new color. :-)

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 6:02am

  333. 333: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Daria 317 –

    Not sure to understand what you are trying to tell me. What do you exactly recommend. Sorry for bein confused…

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 6:03am

  334. 334: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:

    And he really loves my yoga tush… ;-O

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 6:03am

  335. 335: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:

    And he tells me all the time ‘you are so beautiful’… I feel so melty inside and proud of myself.

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 6:04am

  336. 336: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    ((((Siren Angel))))

    re 316

    Me too honni.

    Hugs to you.

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 6:14am

  337. 337: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Turquoise that’s is how it goes when they are turning into teenagers, I have it too. On the flip side she is also opening up a door where you can practice feeling messages and not reacting to her comments. I would not focus on what she is saying either I try to do that with my kids. She is a girl like you and just learning about her emotions. Maybe next time ask her if she would want her daughter or someone else to talk to her like that. Or tell her when she is calmer if she would want to repeat what she said because you know she does not want to hurt mummy’s feelings. My daughter tends to respond to things like these. Unfortunately, they don’t like to be lectured and tend to shut down when we do. My daughter has asked me if I really believe it is going to make any difference or if I think she is going to do what I say. I allow her to speak her mind but remind her that I am the mom and I make decisions so if she wants them to be in her favor then she knows what to do. I also practice using my soft voice in these circumstances also.

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 6:17am

  338. 338: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    RE 316 Don’t think about it as rules Siren Angel. It is about taking care of yourself. He needs the space and understanding right now to allow him to focus on what he has to take care of. He is feeling the pressure of a failed relationship and might even be thinking that “he” failed. At this juncture you certainly don’t want to be seen or experienced as a woman from his past. You want to be like a breath of fresh air to him. Let him take care of his situation by leaning back. I believe you will be on his mind the whole time because he will definitely miss your energy.

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 6:21am

  339. 339: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    OK MWC has just contacted me with a text with just a load of kisses.

    And I still feel totally off key.

    I feel so insecure right now.

    I think part of it is cus I no longer feel trusting of him.

    So when he disappaers for a bit I don’t think ‘Ah he is just in his cave, all is well, he’ll be back soon’ and go about my day feeling good.

    Instead what happens is my NVs start screaming at me and I assume he is on a drinking binge or something.


    Well I am not going to fix this.

    And it does make me wonder whether I would ever feel safe with this man? And so whether this would be something I would want in a partner?

    Oh well. I suppose time will tell.

    I am being as good as I can and doing my CD-ing duties.

    I contacted Super Nice CD via text this morning and was totally honest with him about situation, including that I am seeing MWC etc… So it is with him now whether he still wants to get back to me or not.

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 6:25am

  340. 340: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    RE 303 BW I am sorry if I rain on your parade but I have to say I felt so triggered reading “TH bought a new iPad and gave me his old one”. It felt like my whole torso jerked forward. I know it is my stuff having to wear hand me downs and second hand stuff during my lifetime. Also having my mother deliberately favor my dad when serving dinner with special pieces of meat, bigger pieces etc. to the point of taking back stuff and looking it over to make sure I was not taking the best. Thanks for bringing this up to heal for me and helping me to accept that I am worthy of more than the what’s used so I can open myself up to receive it. This feels like a weight on my chest and a ball in my throat. I really have to tap on this.

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 6:26am

  341. 341: StarlaNo Gravatar says:


    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 6:36am

  342. 342: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    FW 334 I just want to hug you… that feels so twisted, but i can’t put my fingers on the words to exactly describe what’s wrong with that picture you described about your mother serving your dad food.. but i am imagining being a little girl and having my mother inspect my food to make sure it wasn’t too good for me, and feeling like (as a child in mind right now) life on planet earth s*cks.

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 6:39am

  343. 343: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    I feel so triggered reading comments about parenting daughters. I feel scared i’ll read something awful. My mom was lame.

    Last night my best friend and I were talking about our respective cats we grew up with, and how they died, and I have told a few people that when my cat died, i was about 13-14, and my mom left me with my dying, screaming cat for the weekend so she could go out of town with some guy, and when she came back, i went to bed because i was exhausted being with my dying cat for two days and i had school the next day, and my mom wouldn’t let me put him down because of money. My cat died that night, and when it happened, my mom woke me up and started screaming at me in bed that my cat was dead and i didn’t even give a f*ck. I tried to argue with her that i did care about my cat (omg i still cry to this day thinking about my kitty, i loved my cat) but she just got nastier and nastier.

    Last night I actually got really upset for the first time talking about it. I feel a huge sense of relief feeling truly upset about it. All these years I couldn’t even wrap my head around it and just felt confused and unworthy and f*cked up over it since it happened, but i could never bring myself to get really upset, like “what a f*cking wh0re she was for doing that.”

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 6:53am

  344. 344: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Starla I experienced it again just last week and you can’t begin to imagine how it feels. I don’t even like taking anything from her or asking for anything. I know she does not realize what she is doing but it still sucks. Really highlights to me the work I have to do in believing that I am worthy and to be open to receiving. I feel a knot in my stomach just typing that.

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 6:55am

  345. 345: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    a mother would have waited until the next day to tell me the cat passed and given me a hug, or woken me up to give me a hug and tell me the sad news and be there for me and cry with me (my mom WAS upset about the cat, she really loved him too). But she wasn’t in mother mode. She was in f*cking wh0re mode i guess.

    ohhh i will never have another cat. i thought i wanted one now but Sampson is my one and only cat, i miss him terribly and i hate how he died suffering and how we didn’t put him down when he got sick and he just suffered and screamed all weekend.

    sorry to be such a downer, ladies.

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 7:00am

  346. 346: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Ah sh*t. I feel the urge to call ATW to see if we are seeing each other tonight!

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 7:04am

  347. 347: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Lizka, this might be awful advice, but maybe you could text him and say ‘good morning, so what do you think about tonight?’ and see what he says.

    remember to take no for an answer.

    it just stinks, you leaned forward and he said he might cancel to see, and now you are on the hook for that. next time if you don’t lean forward, you won’t have to worry about this:):):)

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 7:06am

  348. 348: EllaNo Gravatar says:


    I would give you the BEST piece of meat if you came to dinner.


    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 7:07am

  349. 349: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Lizka / Daria.

    It feels helpful to me to see your exchange.

    I am decided for me that I will NOT be seeing MWC tonight as our plans were not firm and he has no confirmed.

    I am not keeping it open.

    In fact I have just replied to another CD however even if this didn’t happen I will make plans with myself.

    I plan to have a night to myself tonight, away from FB and everything and just snuggle in bed and watch a film… or maybe I will meet this other CD for a bit first.

    Lizka if I was you I would decide for yourself that you are NOT free, make other plans.

    I know it feels scary and sometimes this scary step can be the only way to break the pattern.

    What do you think?

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 7:10am

  350. 350: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    FW no problem. I actually wanted his old iPad but hadn’t asked when he mentioned he was buying a new one. He’s also left the sim in it too so I have Internet wherever I go! :)

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 7:18am

  351. 351: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    I feel sick. We just got home from the gym and I’m in bed now. I’m going to do another test on Sunday and will go to the doctor on Monday regardless of the result.

    I’m not liking this bloated belly one bit!!! :-/

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 7:20am

  352. 352: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Starla 341. Yeah I know. It was a good lesson.

    I like your idea. But I’m so afraid that he says no… I think I’ll wait to noon to send the text, so he have a chance to surprise me. It’s now 10.30 here…

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 7:23am

  353. 353: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    BW it could be something else going on. Seems you are assuming it could only possibly be pregnancy.

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 7:23am

  354. 354: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:


    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 7:24am

  355. 355: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you for the advice Ella. I’m not sure what I’m gonna do yet. I like Starla’s idea. But I won’t do it right now though. So I might change my mind in the mean time and accept a plan with ModelCD if he calls. But ModelCD usually calls only after work anyway. So I might be safe.

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 7:26am

  356. 356: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    #255 Turquoise (previous thread)

    I feel bad like people must think I am some kind of zombie with no feelings, it’s not like that at all, just that for the most part my life is very peaceful and calm, no kids, no family dramas, etc.

    Sure I get pi$$ed off sometimes at people I work with or have GREAT days when the sun is shining and spring is in the air. And since I left my last terrible job and damp apartment I feel sincere and utmost GRATITUDE and practise saying in to The Universe (when I remember to :) )

    But I’m not on an emotional roller coaster any longer………hope that makes sense.

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 7:27am

  357. 357: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    FW – I’ve been pregnant three times and this is exactly the same as the last few times except this time I’m on birth control. It could also be a phantom pregnancy or even early menopause??? I have no idea. A test on Sunday should rule out pregnancy though because by then the hcg levels should be high enough if theres a mini me in there! 😉

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 7:31am

  358. 358: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    #334 FW

    Same with the hand me down clothes and second hand stuff.

    When I was a kid my dad used to get the lamb chop or steak or whatever while we kids used to get sausages, because he was the breadwinner and the man of the house, wow I have never even thought of this until now.

    Maybe that’s why I spend too much!!!! :(

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 7:32am

  359. 359: lkNo Gravatar says:

    i keep fantasizing about my wedding lol : ) i think i can plan it nearly for free : ))) LOL

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 8:02am

  360. 360: lkNo Gravatar says:

    i already own a wedding dress : ) (& i only have to lose 5 lbs for it to fit… normal, right ? lol)

    i don’t want “real” flowers (because florists are so weird & gross & synthetic) & my buddy is an artist who paints fields of flowers, so i could just put up a bunch of his art : )))

    my family is very musically talented & i feel certain my cousins would oblige me by singing & playing : )

    i’ll just buy a huge cake for the reception at the church (because my mama wants “everyone” to be invited LOL – me too ! ) & then have a party downtown that is more relaxed & fun & loud with cupcakes for the “groom’s cake” : ) yum

    wowww lol i’m a creep. but that does sound like a fun time : )

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 8:10am

  361. 361: lkNo Gravatar says:

    eek i feel embarrassed & silly o_0 i did not know i had a wedding fantasy like that… hm

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 8:13am

  362. 362: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Oh gosh I am feeling so shaky inside right now.

    So I have arranged a CD tonight with Super Nice CD and I am going straight from my Zumba class, all sweaty and dressed in exercise clothes!!

    We are just having a quick meal.

    I feel really nervous.

    Not cus of meeting him just cus it kinda feels a little bit scary making this plan when initially MWC and I had mentioned maybe seeing each other tonight.

    And I am having those NVs telling me I am a selfish, heartless biatch.

    I feel mean, and a bit scared.

    Imagining all kinds of judgemental, telly offy voices…

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 8:16am

  363. 363: Clueless ResponseNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Rori,
    My husband and I have been together for 14 years, and have been married for 6 years. We have 2 kids- the second one is his biological child. I have felt disconnected from my husband for years- no romance, neglect, and withdrawal…. He connects with the kids better than with our relationship-he relates to my girls better than he relates to me. (He would rather play with the kids than talk to me) He does alot of small talking with me- regarding the weather, television/media news, problems he’s having at work….. and he often talks to me while watching TV, on his laptop computer, shaving, or walking around the house. I have tried your tools recently: taking the dance position, delivering feeling messages, and the 4 rules. I feel better with the idea of taking the feminine energy and allowing him to take the masculine energy, and I want him to pursue me, and take an interest in me-time, attention, romance, etc… However, after delivering a feeling message about something, he always responds with “well what do you think about it” or “well what do you think we should do? He’s always responding to my questions with a question. What should I do? How do I get him to respond differently to my feelings?

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 8:17am

  364. 364: lkNo Gravatar says:

    why do i want to do everything “for free” always ? i can & it feels easy ? it would be “neat” to do wedding on the beach or somewhere beautiful or whatever… i saw a wedding once at the grand canyon right on the lip : ) … ummm….. yes, but i’d prefer to have it go so easy & flow so well that i have the most fun day ever, no stress. no expectations… i can’t get myself to want a big tent full of caterers & soggy women teetering on heels… i’m like, “people fight with their boyfriends at events like that” lol that’s ptsd from sorority formals o_0

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 8:20am

  365. 365: TiffanyNo Gravatar says:

    Lillibee 282 – Wow, that really resonated with me! I know I’ve dated a lot of, or even primarily, insecure men in the past. I guess the feeling was similar for me. I never thought anyone would “stray.” It was more the addictive feeling that they were so attracted to me that they felt “lucky” to be with me, but that they knew they themselves were not the greatest catch. So they worked hard to keep me. And I felt “safe.” Not only because of their devotion. But I guess because they were so “addicted” to me, too….hm….

    I am not sure if I am dating “needy” guys right now. I didn’t see OM as needy. Although I could be blocking that. He seems to have a healthy self-esteem. (Maybe that made me feel threatened??) But one thing came clear to me last night – and I knew this already, but I seemed to see it differently – which is that *I* have an unhealthy and low self-esteem. When I say I saw it differently, I mean I saw it objectively. It is just a fact. It is a product of certain events in my life. Even if I wasn’t traumatically or sexually abused when I was a child, I know for a fact that my mother is a verbal abuser, and just about every day, a little more of my self esteem was shaved away, until – I have barely anything left. I have to scramble and scrap together what I can from the pieces around me. But it’s never enough. My father was better at building up my self esteem. But he would yell at me and belittle me, too. He would encourage “perfectionism,” and (in the name of excellence) I learned from him not to tolerate even the smallest mistakes…

    Therefore I don’t tolerate mistakes when I make them. And I sure as heck don’t tolerate them when other people do. Because other people are supposed to be even more perfect than I am….

    I feel better when I get love and attention from a man, because I can forget, momentarily, that I don’t really have much self-esteem to speak of from myself.

    And it doesn’t help (but it probably doesn’t hurt) that I am a really good actress. I can put on a great show of being a confident, self-assured woman. This is how people see me when they are first getting to know me. But once they scratch the surface, they find out that there is nothing really holding up the building. It’s all just a pretty-looking shell. And all I’ve really got are a few beams supporting the walls and roof. And some of the wood is rotting…

    I don’t feel I have enough resources to get more wood. I don’t know how to build the structure.

    The people who were supposed to teach me failed in that regard, and only let me know so much. they probably didn’t know themselves, since they’re own structures were weak. But they kept me weak so that they could feel strong. They were the neediest of all.

    And now I have no clue as to what the inner workings of a strong house should look like. Or if I do, then I am afraid I will “lose myself” if I change my “house” in any way. But I am also not happy, only knowing how to make the outside of me look pretty (as if that would automatically reflect an inner beauty as well)


    Ah, well. But at least I can see it, and I can see it differently now. I don’t have to blame myself for the circumstances that put me in this disadvantaged position (and that is how I feel, basically all the time, because of this – that I am at a constant disadvantage to everyone around me, especially if they have high healthy self-esteem). I do have basically the same resources and building material as anyone else, however. Just less experience in building. But I *can* learn, and I *can* build. If I can figure out how….

    p.s. lillibee (that was a big tangent :) ) – I also agree that an insecure man will be flattered by another woman who likes him and gives him that “drug.” Better to find a man with healthy self esteem! (Not too much confidence, though. That is a sign of the same self-image problem.) I like Humility. I find that to be one of the sexiest, most attractive qualities…when a man knows he is not perfect, and yet he is not “down” on himself either. It’s lovely…

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 8:24am

  366. 366: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    I feel bad.

    MWC was talking about how work was suggesting he take Friday night off… but he didn’t know what to do and would feel lonely/bored on his own.

    I felt urges to ‘fix’ it cus I feel anxious that these would be triggers for him to drink.

    And I know that is dangerous, co-dependant behaviour.

    Anyway not quite sure how it conspired but we started planning an evening together.

    And he said ‘I will think of something for us to do’ (that is free as he has no money now).

    Then he said ‘Oh except I might work cus I am still waiting to hear and I could do with the money’.

    No more was said about it, and I have made a new plan.

    But I would feel badly if he now ends up sitting at home alone, even though I know its not my job to mollycuddle him.

    Sirens can you help me get some perspective on this please?

    I would love to feel reassured that I am doing the right thing here cus it feels hella uncomfortable.

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 8:24am

  367. 367: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    So if I am CD-ing a man, as a friend, should he still pay??

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 8:26am

  368. 368: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Gosh I feel like such a pathetic baby.

    I don’t seem to be able to maintain good feelings for even a day at the moment if things are not going well in my crack fix relationship.

    I know its just a blip/muddy pond moment.

    I just feel fed up of my own drama.

    Oh well. Gonna love it anyway.

    Feeling invisible on blog today.

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 8:34am

  369. 369: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Ella I believe it is good you are getting fed up of your own drama. Hopefully as you get to that place it becomes easier to move into healing.

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 8:36am

  370. 370: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    lk, i think your wedding sounds awesome, and i hope you invite me and maybe (maybe maybe) if it feels right, I’ll bring CF as my date, but either way i’ll take him with me shopping antique and thrift stores to find you and CD a wedding gift that feels perfect and i am SO EXCITED for your romantic future with CD lol i’m gushing, what the heck?? spring is in me. i’m wearing a dress and big beautiful earrings today:):).

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 8:37am

  371. 371: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Ella, Tony Robbins says if things aren’t feeling good romantically in your life, everything else feels less than too. Don’t beat yourself up.

    What can you do besides think about crack (lol) today?

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 8:44am

  372. 372: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    FW yes.

    I hope so… I just seem to come back here again and again…

    Although I suppose in all fairness the gaps between are getting longer… and maybe it is losing some of its severity.

    Is this healing or am I just going in circles??

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 8:44am

  373. 373: EllaNo Gravatar says:



    I am doing loads of stuff… like I am working on my business, and planning my CD for tonight.

    I am teaching in an hour or so…

    Unfortunately due to my annoying multi tasking abilities I seem to be able to do all this and STILL think about the man crack!!

    And I just feel icky still.

    Could try a drop to the floor maybe?

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 8:47am

  374. 374: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Oh Heck.

    MWC calling now and I feel so nervous I don’t even want to pick up.

    What do I do??

    This feels bad.

    I don’t want to talk to him right now and feel worried about stuff.


    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 8:49am

  375. 375: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Ella, a drop to your knees sounds awesome. Just remember, YOU have the power!


    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 8:55am

  376. 376: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Owww, its interesting how some men on POF DO NOT like it when you don’t ask them how they are… I’ve noticed this a few times.

    Man IM-ed me…


    Then ‘How are you?

    Me: ‘Hello, I am feeling fine thank you’

    Him ‘I’m fine thanks’

    And he left the chat!

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 9:36am

  377. 377: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    Today, I feel thankful for gorgeous weather. Feels so warm and bright and good. I feel thankful for the final fling with my girls last night before my friend gets married! So fun. :) I feel grateful for my amazing lunch today; vegetable sushi rolls, a juicy apple, and a handful of spicy almonds. Yuuummm. :) I feel thankful for an extremely packed weekend. Get together at a friend’s house tonight, wedding tomorrow morning, and then a fun day trip to see one of my best childhood friends on Saturday! Love love love. So blessed. :)

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 9:38am

  378. 378: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    also, MetincollegeCD got back in touch with me, after like MONTHS, lol. he is SUCH a great guy. Has a lot of great stuff going on for him right now, just like I do! He’s really smart, driven, and cute. Feels really nice to be back in touch. :)

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 9:45am

  379. 379: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    ack! one of my duties at work is to randomly select winners for the sweepstakes our survey respondents enter into as a thank you for taking the online survey. And I usually email the winners to get a mailing address for the check and then call the next day if they haven’t replied.

    So I called a woman today who has won 100 dollars. Awesome right? No. She sad “I called the company you said is your client and they said you don’t work for them.” And just continued to treat me like trash. Well, she didn’t treat me like trash but it felt trashy! I’m trying to give her 100 dollars for a sweepstakes she took the time to enter into at the end of a survey she took, and she’s treating me like I’m a criminal or something.

    I know people are guarded and I don’t fault her, but it made me feel badbadbad. One of my favorite things ever is to give people free money at my job:). And I’m fighting the funk she put me in.

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 9:46am

  380. 380: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    369 seems like an assumption to me. Any number of things could have happened. I leave chat rooms abruptly sometimes too, especially when they are taking a while to respond.

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 9:47am

  381. 381: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    The reason the company said I don’t work for them is because she called their 800 tech support number and they have no idea over in India who their research vendors are. They just answer phones and tell you how to fix your broken sh*t.

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 9:50am

  382. 382: lkNo Gravatar says:

    @Starla lol that’s funny… she should practice receiving ! : )))

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 10:04am

  383. 383: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    And then on facebook there is a discussion going on amongst some local activists that i know and really respect, and they’re talking about this awful racist anti-obama bumper sticker. And one of them said “ugh that is just disgusting. they should just kill themselves.”

    and saying someone should kill themselves is pretty disgusting too! and i just feel stuck and bombarded by this hypocritical and paranoid and negative energy eeeeeeeeeeeeep

    so i’m looking at pictures of kittens to cheer myself up but my stomach just hurts now.

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 10:04am

  384. 384: lkNo Gravatar says:

    (((starla))) politics can over-heat things very quickly.

    once, i ripped down my hall-mate’s poster in the dorms in college. she had a mccain-palin poster up & obama had just won & i was drunk & excited & i ripped it down & said to my friends in the hallway, “i’ll save her the time… & embarrassment” & i tore the poster into small pieces & threw them in the trash. the girl opened the door & said, “I’m not embarrassed.” & the next day she had taped the pieces of the poster back together & it was up on her door the rest of the academic term. very depressing. i felt so so so embarrassed. i wrote her an apology letter the next morning, but i still feel mortified when i think of it.

    ….however, i still kind of believe that anything that suggests sarah palin is a qualified leader for our country *should* be summarily destroyed. o_0 maybe i haven’t quite learned my lesson ?

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 10:34am

  385. 385: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    #152 FW

    Do the stubborn ones ever get out girled or do they just fade away?

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 10:40am

  386. 386: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    I just looked up about Palin and Obama and I see that they had about equal political experience going into the 2008 race. Actually it looks like Palin had a lot more executive branch experience. Not that I have any desire for that woman to be in charge of anything that affects me :D, but it’s interesting.

    And I think you are soooooo sweet for writing an apology letter.

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 10:47am

  387. 387: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    i cancelled my lunch date with Kenya. I don’t feel like going. And that’s okay. But I feel like a b*tch or something. I think, though, as a siren, I can cancel dates if i don’t feel up to it.

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 10:54am

  388. 388: lkNo Gravatar says:

    @starla, i didn’t feel upset so much in terms of political experience; i felt upset because it seemed that mccain didn’t research her position or qualifications before inviting her onto his ticket. it felt like palin was a “republican clinton” – like both generic Woman-types….. ummm… & also palin seems to take no interest in ” politics ” – at least as i’d define it.

    anyway, still feeling that fire in my belly actually. not that there is anything wrong with sarah palin herself. & if people want to vote for her, i can’t stop them : )

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 10:55am

  389. 389: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    #372 Starla

    I do online surveys all the time!! I am still waiting for somebody to phone me to say I have won money!! Pick meeeeeeeee 😀

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 10:55am

  390. 390: lkNo Gravatar says:

    it felt like a sexist marketing ploy to see sarah palin run. i’m sorry for triggers, ladies….

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 10:56am

  391. 391: lkNo Gravatar says:

    but i know sarah palin wanted political celebrity & authority… i know she pursued it… hm.

    anyway, i will have to come back to these feelings to keep picking at them… : )

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 10:59am

  392. 392: lkNo Gravatar says:

    @starla definitely you can cancel : ) but you will have to see him still on the train lol : )))

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 11:02am

  393. 393: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    i won’t see him on the train cuz cf is coming to pick me up from the office today and then take me home to cook me dinner:)

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 11:03am

  394. 394: lkNo Gravatar says:

    awwww i love being picked up from work !!! it feels so special & cozy & pampered : ) have fun !

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 11:11am

  395. 395: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    kenya was very kind and understanding. i like that. sometimes guys get all butthurt.

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 11:16am

  396. 396: lkNo Gravatar says:


    Most people have automatic, long-standing ways of thinking about their lives and themselves. These long-held thoughts and beliefs can feel normal and factual, but many are actually just opinions or perceptions.

    Also pay attention to thought patterns that tend to erode self-esteem:

    All-or-nothing thinking. You see things as either all good or all bad. For example, “If I don’t succeed in this task, I’m a total failure.”

    Mental filtering. You see only negatives and dwell on them, distorting your view of a person or situation. For example, “I made a mistake on that report and now everyone will realize I’m not up to this job.”

    Converting positives into negatives. You reject your achievements and other positive experiences by insisting that they don’t count. For example, “I only did well on that test because it was so easy.”

    Jumping to negative conclusions. You reach a negative conclusion when little or no evidence supports it. For example, “My friend hasn’t replied to my email, so I must have done something to make her angry.”

    Mistaking feelings for facts. You confuse feelings or beliefs with facts. For example, “I feel like a failure, so I must be a failure.”

    Self put-downs. You undervalue yourself, put yourself down or use self-deprecating humor. This can result from overreacting to a situation, such as making a mistake. For example, “I don’t deserve anything better.”

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 11:22am

  397. 397: lkNo Gravatar says:


    Now replace negative or inaccurate thoughts with accurate, constructive thoughts. Try these strategies:

    Use hopeful statements. Treat yourself with kindness and encouragement. Pessimism can be a self-fulfilling prophecy. For example, if you think your presentation isn’t going to go well, you might indeed stumble through it. Try telling yourself things such as, “Even though it’s tough, I can handle this situation.”

    Forgive yourself. Everyone makes mistakes — and mistakes aren’t permanent reflections on you as a person. They’re isolated moments in time. Tell yourself, “I made a mistake, but that doesn’t make me a bad person.”

    Avoid ‘should’ and ‘must’ statements. If you find that your thoughts are full of these words, you might be putting unreasonable demands on yourself — or on others. Removing these words from your thoughts can lead to more realistic expectations.

    Focus on the positive. Think about the good parts of your life. Remind yourself of things that have gone well recently. Consider the skills you’ve used to cope with challenging situations.

    Relabel upsetting thoughts. You don’t need to react negatively to negative thoughts. Instead, think of negative thoughts as signals to try new, healthy patterns. Ask yourself, “What can I think and do to make this less stressful?”

    Encourage yourself. Give yourself credit for making positive changes. For example, “My presentation might not have been perfect, but my colleagues asked questions and remained engaged — which means that I accomplished my goal.”

    These steps might seem awkward at first, but they’ll get easier with practice. As you begin to recognize the thoughts and beliefs that are contributing to your low self-esteem, you can actively counter them — which will help you accept your value as a person. As your self-esteem increases, your confidence and sense of well-being are likely to soar.

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 11:24am

  398. 398: HopefulNo Gravatar says:

    Wow LK. that is great. I wondered which coach sent that out. Then I saw the Mayo clinic text.


    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 11:26am

  399. 399: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    rahhh and my coworker IMd me and said he was going to take me to the sex shop to buy me a sex toy to cheer me up, wtf!! and i was like “did you really just say that? take it back” and i let it go kinda lightly.

    and then he just told me my banter with my assistant is non stop and it really bothers him. and it’s not non stop. but whateverrrrr

    what a f*cking d*ck. maybe he should go to the sex shop and buy himself a butt plug to cheer himself up!

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 11:29am

  400. 400: HopefulNo Gravatar says:

    Starla – Regarding that sweepstakes thing: I used to work for a company that ran contests too, and we had a really hard time getting people to people they really won a prize because there are so many scammers out there. The people didn’t even remember they entered contests. And we would have to leave tons of voicemails and emails and no one would return them.

    My coworkers who had to give away the prizes got so frustrated that they were trying to do a kind thing and people thought they were scamming them.

    It is sad that people are so conditioned for scammers that they cannot even believe it when they win something for real. Sigh.

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 11:31am

  401. 401: HopefulNo Gravatar says:

    Starla – Yeah guys hate chick chat at work. I have heard this complaint too from guys.

    Perhaps your coworker just needs some voice cancelling headphones instead of going to the s3x toy shop.

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 11:34am

  402. 402: lkNo Gravatar says:

    one automatic thought i have is that “everyone is cooler & more attractive than i am” which is really old & i feel bad for my little girl that she heard that so much & can’t stop believing it for very long at a time & i’m noticing that my OCD came in right as my Irrational Fear started to diminish… so i’m thinking i invented my rituals to fix my fear. at the heart of the fear is that i’m totally worthless & i am completely abandoned. (((lk)))

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 11:34am

  403. 403: lilybelleNo Gravatar says:


    Turq~ I feel so d@mn excited for you, girl!

    Joyous, actually.

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 11:35am

  404. 404: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    he doesn’t have a problem with “endless banter” when he’s engaging in it.

    this guy sometimes throws me so off. once he kicked me “accidentally,” and other times he has said really rude things about the clothes and shoes i’m wearing. and then when he’s not doing that, he’s being very friendly. it’s just all dysfunctional.

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 11:36am

  405. 405: lkNo Gravatar says:

    honestly, for some reason i’m having a really really difficult time not believing that i am Ugly & horribly Broken or a Sinner. i feel guilty for being Socially Awkward sometimes & i feel sad for wanting to see flaws in other people sometimes. i want to see the best in humans & love them for it & also see the worst & still love them for it. & i can start with me… this feels so cyclical. i know it is. i know i go high-low, crest-trough… here we go… i’d like to get all my blog entries in a single document & see if they feel helpful to re-read & understand myself : )

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 11:39am

  406. 406: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:

    I am feeling teary right now… Trying to keep busy, but I just want to break down and have a good cry.

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 11:43am

  407. 407: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    we are the only two women in the whole place…they can s*ck it. talking abou stupid football all day. who cares.

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 11:43am

  408. 408: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:

    At Walmart… And I just want to cry. I just came back from hairdresser and my hair is WAY too dark. I hate it :-(

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 11:45am

  409. 409: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:

    At Walmart… And I just want to cry. I just came back from hairdresser and my hair is WAY too dark. I hate it :-(

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 11:45am

  410. 410: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Has anyone heard from Laughing Goddess?

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 11:51am

  411. 411: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Starla he might be just immature

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 11:54am

  412. 412: Rori RayeNo Gravatar says:

    Clueless – he’s “outgirling” you. Don’t let that happen. You likely have been habitually the “solver” in this relationship – and you have to stop it entirely. “I don’t know” is going to be your best answer for awhile, with a smile, and a “I trust you completely to figure this out” as a follow up…Love, Rori

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 11:55am

  413. 413: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    I was wondering about her too

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 11:55am

  414. 414: HopefulNo Gravatar says:

    Ella – I agree with Feminine Woman on this one.

    It is good that you are getting fed up with the drama. I feel like that is what was happening with me last week, and it helped me move forward.

    I have been so such in that CRAZY world of trying to figure out how to control his drinking. That pattern just made me nuts.

    I recently bought Dominique’s book, where she has a page that talks about how if we focus on his addition and check up on him, he feels the vibe and it makes it worse. I have been trying to figure out how that fits in with my husband’s drinking thought I KNOW they are completely different.

    Anyway, worrying about what he is doing and trying to figure out how to control it will only make you feel out of control. Doing that for too long made me feel like I lost touch with myself.

    Oddly, this week hubby has had a cold and has not had a drop of liquor since last saturday. Interesting.

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 11:58am

  415. 415: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    fw, he is indeed immature, even though he’s 40 years old. I’ve dealt with his BS for 5+ years…
    just venting.:)

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 12:01pm

  416. 416: Rori RayeNo Gravatar says:

    Daria – I’m totally in the camp that if a man has ever hit you – never go there again. Rihanna is in a different situation – Chris Brown is in the spotlight, and if he ever touched her again – he’d be toast. If I were him, I’d be afraid to be in a relationship with Rihanna because she could say anything at any time – he has to constantly watch himself. I can think of no other man in that situation. If a man ever touched me in a way that felt out of anger – I’d be gone in a flash forever.

    About your anger – you are free to say how angry you are a zillion times – however – I’d really like you to look at what’s making you so angry and think about what shifts can you make on the outside as well as the inside to shift your anger into some other feelings you also have that are true? There’s sadness, there’s fear…there’s all kinds of feelings – even glorious bliss – that are hanging around next to the anger…it would be great if you could explore the blissful ones more and simply take the focus off the anger for a bit – and see how that feels to you.

    Like everything else, where we hang out, what we give energy to – grows. Love, Rori

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 12:06pm

  417. 417: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    #403 Siren Angel

    I can help!!!!

    I was just reading up the other day about getting rid of toner on google, maybe it’s the same for you???

    I had dark lowlights and light highlights, but she put a toner on the highlights and I now think my hair is too dark all over, this was 2 weeks ago and it’s not fading out as fast as I would like.

    So “they” recommend Herbal Essence clarifying shampoo which I just cannot find in my local shops or 3 parts lemon to 1 part conditioner, leave on hair for say 10 minutes and you can see the unwanted colour run out.

    I don’t know what kind of colour you have had and if it will work for you, but I am trying the lemon/conditioner mix tomorrow when I have some time……..

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 12:06pm

  418. 418: Rori RayeNo Gravatar says:

    Jessie, as I say often – Daria is Queen of Riffing – and if anyone needs help in how to access and express the tough and rough stuff – she’s your girl…Love, Rori

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 12:08pm

  419. 419: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:

    SM, thank you! Back home and I will try to lemony thing… it’s a dark brunette now. 2 weeks ago I went from very blond to dark auburn, brunette and now darker bc I really liked the brunette, but it came out so dark!!!

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 12:29pm

  420. 420: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:

    Clueless, M is the same with me and Rori told me he was outgirling me too! Sometimes I think he is vene frustrated when I ask him what he thinks. However, I have stuck by the rules and FMs and he now tells me I make him feel like a man. :-)

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 12:35pm

  421. 421: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    SA, it will fade, don’t worry! I went almost black on the under-half of my hair, and it faded to deep auburn pretty quickly.

    also, don’t be scared to call you hairstylist and tell her you are so sorry for not saying anything sooner but you don’t like your hair and want to know if you can come back.

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 12:35pm

  422. 422: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    I texted CF to say i feel deflated from the bad stuff i’ve been through today. and he didn’t text back and now i feel self conscious, like i’m just a whiner and negative and a downer, and he is freaked that i will just be sad Starla tonight for our date.

    i want to lean forward and say “okay i feel better now!”

    but nooooooooooooooooooo i won’t lean forward yet again. actually i am going to send myself a lot of love. it’s okay. if he DOES actually feel weird, it’s because he thinks i expect him to fix it or something, and that’s not true, and he’ll see that in good time.

    i’ve been experimenting with venting to him, because i feel so self conscious and unworthy.

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 12:40pm

  423. 423: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:

    Starla, I did tell her and she said it will fade bc it’s a ‘rinse’. Also, she is a really good colorist, have been going to her for years. I just feel bad bc my hair was so gorgeous 2 weeks ago in a pretty auburn and now I feel like a goth.

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 12:47pm

  424. 424: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:

    I will go up to the bathroom now and assess if I wash right away… I did get it blowdried too… but it’s too straight and strict. Maybe I’ll just curl the ends for now.

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 12:48pm

  425. 425: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    Actually Hopeful, it’s not so different. You cannot control him, and it’s not in YOUR best interest to check up on him around this in any way.

    If he comes home drunk or behaves in ways that feel bad to you, you deal with that in the moment.


    PS – My computer is dead so won’t be back on until sometime (hopefully) tomorrow. I’m borrowing my landlady’s right now, but I will have to go home in a bit. So please know if I don’t respond, I’m not ignoring you or anyone else.


    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 12:49pm

  426. 426: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @208: LoveAlways

    … and sometimes you just wanna go… 😛

    You might as well add that in…

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 12:51pm

  427. 427: MelNo Gravatar says:

    About s*x…

    The other day, Mr. A was telling me that he actually found it “comforting” when I told him outright I don’t sleep with just anyone and I want a partner that feels the same way. He said he respected me a lot for waiting until I knew I was sure and I felt safe with him. He said our first time was special for him. *swoon*

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 12:53pm

  428. 428: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    Just to note:
    My words and actions are consistent. And my words and actions are consistent with my beliefs. And I admire myself for that.


    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 1:31pm

  429. 429: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Rori Says:Daria – I’m totally in the camp that if a man has ever hit you – never go there again. Rihanna is in a different situation – Chris Brown is in the spotlight, and if he ever touched her again – he’d be toast. If I were him, I’d be afraid to be in a relationship with Rihanna because she could say anything at any time – he has to constantly watch himself. I can think of no other man in that situation. If a man ever touched me in a way that felt out of anger – I’d be gone in a flash forever.

    Rori, it would have been nice to be also addressed in this post, since she was talking about me and my life. This may not be the right place for me afterall, because I thought you believed that people can change, and heal and grow, and that is why we are here. And I may not be Rihanna…. but my ex could have lost his job and what happened definately hurt his career.

    I personally couldn’t forgive a man who cheated on me. I don’t believe someone puts their penis into another woman, and hasn’t considered the consequences. Yet there is encouragement here to forgive that. I don’t get it.

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 1:36pm

  430. 430: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Turquoise, I think that Rori just doesn’t read all the posts, not even close, and so her not mentioning you was laziness/time crunch, not her dismissing your place in the story.

    I know this because whenever I go into moderation (cussing), Rori addresses me all concerned that I just spew all garbage and need help:P. And from my posting here, we all know that’s not true. So obviously she’s not reading much of anything unless it goes into moderation. Daria must have gone into moderation with a very angry post or something.

    Also, I apologize for being up in everyone’s business.

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 1:41pm

  431. 431: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Plus, Turquoise – and this is totally selfish – I don’t want you to stop posting here!!

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 1:42pm

  432. 432: Jessie1000No Gravatar says:

    My boys are away with their dads (18 hours drive) and sometimes I wonder guiltily if Im a bad mother because I SOOOO enjoy a week to myself…lol. It feels so good not to cook…yesterday I had a chocolate bar for supper. I slept in with my friend this morning and when we woke up I felt so great that I didnt have to rush off to day care or fly to the mirror as I ran out the door, putting on snow pants, or barking at anyone to get ready cause we are late!
    I had time to read and no interruptions because Im studying for my first comp. exam for my phd. Usually it is start and stop all day.
    I didnt do dishes.
    I didnt have to put anyone to bed who really really wants to watch family guy….
    I didnt have to check the time cause I had no where to go.
    I didnt have to shop for groceries, hand out money for lunch, or sweep the floor.
    I didnt have to change my underwear because for some reason, mothers must put on a clean and mom tidy image but I just stayed in the house, slept in my gym clothes and decided to wear the same damn thing again today lol with a different cardigan!! lol
    My teenage son would have died if he saw that….lol
    I enjoyed thinking about my kids fathers having to tow to the demands of their boys, and having to make them suppers and put on their boots, and sit and watch boring kids shows with them lol
    I didnt even have to worry that my kids might see me smoking half a cigarette after supper or putting their muddy boots in my clean car.
    Lol I feel so rested. I feel unfrazzelled.
    I feel sexy as just me and not someones momma.
    I feel like drinking alot of coffee and doing two work outs in the gym cause I dont have to rush off anywhere.
    I feel like the eliptical and I like it when I put it on level 15 and my head starts to sweat
    I feel like having a long long bath and not answering the door to anyone cause no kids are here to get into an argument over who gets to have the puppy on their knee….lol
    I feel like Im 16 again and I just got my first sexy bra and I really wanted someone to check me out cause IM single and want some attention…lol
    I feel like driving around in my car and listening to the music way too loud.
    I feel like Im young and I could always go out of the house and go fishing cause I had no responsibilities and all the time in the world to kill.
    I feel like Im a genius since who has a life where all they have to do is read novels for a living?
    I feel like Im a genius because when I was 32 I was a high school drop out who couldnt get a job at mcdonalds *they told me to get my GED and now im studying for my doctorate.
    I feel like Im a genius because I never repeated my mothers patterns and when My husband told me he wasnt sure that he wanted to be with me anymore then I just left and never went back….I never want to be like my mother cause she was a dog for my daddy.
    I feel like im a genius because whenever I help people to find their way, they always end up happier and better off cause they knew me.
    I feel like Im a genius because my sons are big and beautiful and I did it all on my own without a soul to help me….including all those nights when they were sick or had bad dreams or peed the bed.
    I feel like I want to show my parents how fucking good I turned out and they didnt have a hand in anything that ive done….I did it all on my own. I feel like I want to scream in my mothers face and say why did you throw me out when I was only 15 just cause you thought your religion and your husband was more important than me?
    I want to take my life with all its blessings and throw it in her face and tell her see this? You helped me with none of it….you didnt call me .,…you werent there when my kids were born, you werent there when I got accepted to undergrad, or my masters or my phd….you didnt see me teach my first university class or see your grandsons lose their first teeth, you didnt lift a finger for me and all the good things i have …..seee this? ITS ALL MINE
    I have people that love me
    I have people that would die for me to protect me
    I have people who respect me and tell me Im the kindest person to children especially teenagers.
    My house not your house, my house is the place where people come to sit and leave their problems with me
    My house not your house, my house is the place where everyone will be fed and listened to and respected.
    I have people who would leave their wallets, their children, their prized posessions with me and they know that I would never harm anyone….can you say that mom????
    I have men that begged me to marry them mom….begged me but because of the shit you did to me…I was afraid to be in love
    I was afraid to let anyone close to me
    I thought if my mother didnt love me then who could love me????
    Im done with you and your rolling ur eyes at my degrees and telling me that the DEVIL Can you imagine that the DEVIL gave me good grades
    TRUST ME WOMAN!!! Im a genius and I didnt need to invoke any spirits to make me that way….I STUDIED my ass off with my kids on my knee
    I worked from morning to night
    I am a goddess of hard work cause I had no one since i was a teenager and I learned from the school of hard knocks and from your hatred that I have to work or im going to die
    I AM NOT YOUR CHILD anymore mom cause when I offered for you to visit your grandsons you told me no….
    I changed my heart then mom.
    Because you can hate me, and blame me and tell me i disappointed you for not keeping your FAITH if you call it that….but I will never count you as anyone when you turn on my children.
    DO you hear that mom? Cause IM ALL OVER YOU NOW
    ur a mom with out capitals
    ur a person that I left
    u didnt leave me …I left you
    I dont hurt no more mom cause you lost out more than I did
    all your abandonment did was make me better
    im better now mom
    i just take you as an old memory and I fade you away
    and when people ask you where am I and you close your mouth cause your ashamed of what you did now mom …now that your older and now your other children left you alone cause you hurt them too in different ways….
    tell them this
    tell them i died
    tell them i jumped off a cliff
    tell them you threw me out
    tell them you turned on your own flesh and blood
    tell them your weak
    cause i would never do that to my children mom
    so im better already than you

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 1:44pm

  433. 433: HopefulNo Gravatar says:

    Clueless – I would like to hear about a detailed example of a situation, and what you said (and how you said it) and what he said. Can you share one?

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 1:48pm

  434. 434: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    I am struggling to send myself love. I feel needy and exposed and stupid. And I believe I should be sending love to and accepting those parts of me. Because I’m not really needy or stupid, so if someone thinks that, it’s their own trigger, and if they are wise/smart they will realize they were mistaken.

    gosh i am feeling all tightened and balled up

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 1:48pm

  435. 435: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Yay! I have a date! I’m going on a second date with Mr. Cop. I feel excited!

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 1:54pm

  436. 436: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    So, I just found out that I’m an alpha female. LOL. I read this article and it made me feel so good and powerful! hehehe. :)


    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 1:54pm

  437. 437: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Turquoise, I did some investigating through this thread, and I see that Daria asked Rori directly about her anger and also what she thinks (generically) about men hitting women. She didn’t mention your name at all. So that is probably what happened and why you weren’t addressed. Maybe you could write her about your specific situation, or ask her on the blog by posting with a different email address or talking about J*sus without censoring and you’ll go into moderation and she’ll definitely see it. I hope this helps you feel better=/

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 1:56pm

  438. 438: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Turquoise I totally get how you must feel. It almost comes across as preferential treatment with you being sidelined. I can see both sides of the coin and hope that you continue posting.

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 1:57pm

  439. 439: TiffanyNo Gravatar says:

    Aww…Mel, that is so sweet. :) (#427)

    You must feel the best to hear something like that. I remember you thought maybe it was too soon when you guys did that finally. Or it was sooner than you’d “planned,” but you felt like it, so you went for it. I am so glad it worked out for you…

    That is kind of what I had been hoping for with OM. There was a lot of build-up to that, in fact. He kept telling me how he actually would rather wait, and that he would even tell his friends to “wait” with their girlfriends. He wanted our “first time” to be special.

    And then…Friday happened. Ugh.

    But I am trying not to fault myself. In some ways, I DID just jump in and go for something. I was “ready” for it, over all – and we did not go “all the way.” It wasn’t sex. But in that moment, I was tired. It’s possible that I just wasn’t true to myself, and I am wracking my brain to figure out how I could have done that better, because even though I know I had other options, it seemed to me at the time that I *was* being true to myself. It wasn’t until afterward, and after things got too heavy, that I realized I was in over my head….

    Ugh. Poor me, I guess, not him. I keep trying to blame him. But really, in the end, I think I am the one who jumped the gun, and rushed things, for myself. And I really didn’t mean to. I am sure if I never said anything, it would not have been a big deal. It even *was* kind of special. He said so. And I felt that. But I am the one who got all worked up and made a big deal out of it. And now dating with him “won’t work.”

    Or am I the one who makes it “not work”?

    I’ve felt so angry, and wanted to call him such nasty things. But really, I am just as bad, and just as much at fault for what happened – or at least just as responsible for my actions. I could have prevented myself from getting to the point where I had no control. I could have made different decisions. But it’s over now.

    I just wish my guy had been as kind and understanding as Mr. A seems to be…but I guess he’s just not the kind of guy that I thought he was :(

    Oh well. Live and learn….

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 1:59pm

  440. 440: TiffanyNo Gravatar says:

    Dating OM has been worth THOUSANDS in therapy. Thousands, I’m telling you….

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 2:00pm

  441. 441: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    i have all these beautiful text messages saved and voicemails from CF, like literally a hundred of them since about new years, full of sincere compliments and love. Maybe I should read them when I feel insecure.

    Also, this is about me, and not feeling permission to give myself the love and acceptance i need. Instead my urge is to seek external comfort from other humans. Which is okay, too!! But if I seek it and I don’t actually find it like I hoped, then I can’t just give up and abandon myself. Then I can just show MYSELF love and acceptance.

    I wish I had figured this out when I was a teenager. The last 10 years would have felt easier;)

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 2:06pm

  442. 442: TiffanyNo Gravatar says:

    btw, I’ve been sad. I’ve missed gchatting with OM almost every day for close to a month, and that was about the first thing I missed – not looking at my phone and seeing his name and his cute messages there all the time…

    But today, I have outdone him – and even myself. At one point I had FOUR open chat windows – and they were all active at the same time. Ha!

    I guess if my ego needed to feel popular or loved, then I got that, for sure 😉

    Two of them were CDs that I actually chatted up. But even though it is “leaning forward.” It’s leaning away from OM, and distracting me from him – preventing me from getting too caught up in him and feeling like I should be communicating something to him.

    And inside I am using the tools. I am telling myself, “No matter what he says – I’m great.” And I am BELIEVING it. If he said any nasty things about me, THEY ARE LIES. And even if they are true for him, that doesn’t make them “true” about me. That is his perception. And perceptions can change. But “who I am” is the fabulous, wonderful person that I’ve always been. I am the amazing woman that he was starting to fall for. That he would do anything for. That he would drop everything and run for. THAT is who I am. And if he wants to tell himself anything different, then I can just know that he is telling himself lies. And maybe it makes me feel angry that he would tell himself lies like that about me. But just because he says it, DOESN’T mean that I need to believe it. 😉 haha

    Look at me. Inner pep talk. Hooray!

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 2:09pm

  443. 443: TiffanyNo Gravatar says:

    367: Ella says:

    “So if I am CD-ing a man, as a friend, should he still pay??”

    I say, yes – mostly. Actually, I would say, if you are out meeting a man for a drink or for coffee, he CAN pay – even if it is not an official date. It is my experience that most men want to do this. The only exception here may be Australia, where I think it is more common for women to pay for themselves and allowing a guy to pay for you is essentially consent to sleep with him…. But I kind of like our grey areas better. I like it that the man doesn’t know *for sure* if he is going to sleep with you, just because he pays. But again, yes. Even if it a friend date, he can totally step in and cover the bill, and you don’t need to feel guilty. However, he should not be *expected* to pay. I’d say it needs to be his choice…so you could offer to pay for yourself and give him the chance to say no 😉

    What do you think?

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 2:14pm

  444. 444: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    i also have absolutely nothing to do at work, so i am booooooored and have too much time on my hands.

    hmm what are things that cheer me up when i’m trapped at work?

    -putting money in my savings (online banking), lol, for some reason putting 10 bucks in there from my spending cash makes me feel f*cking good

    -window shopping online for jewelry

    -posting here with you beautiful, amazing, incredible, lovely ladies <3

    -hitting 'random' on wikitravel and daydreaming about traveling

    Things that make me feel worse (that i actually do sometimes when i have a lot of time on my hands):

    -looking at people's facebook profiles, especially exes!

    -arguing on this blog or with anyone

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 2:15pm

  445. 445: TiffanyNo Gravatar says:

    Ugh. I was thinking yesterday, after I realized I had such dangerously low self-esteem, that I should really take a break from guys and build up my self-esteem so that when I ‘get back out there’ dating, I won’t have to worry about it so much. I’ll be stronger, and I won’t let things get to me. I won’t run into the same problems, because I won’t be coming from a weak, unfulfilled place, if I feel that my basic needs aren’t being met (by me). Which is kind of how I feel right now.

    And yet…argh! The next thing I do is make conversation with several guys! What is wrong with me?? lol

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 2:22pm

  446. 446: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Tiffany, I think going on low-pressure coffee/ice cream dates with men is great for the self esteem and a perfect opportunity to work with the tools in the context of actually feeling triggered. Really good work out to build self esteem muscles.

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 2:27pm

  447. 447: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks Starla and FW, but I’m feeling pretty shut down. As if I’m wasting my time or energy on this unforgivable person, and that there must be something wrong with me to want to give the relationship another chance…. because obviously then, people really can’t change, so neither can I.

    In my experience, abuse is abuse is abuse. If it’s mental, emotional, verbal, physical, sexual; it all hurts and leaves a scar. I’ve given some of it myself. I’ve definitely shared some verbal, emotional, and even a little physical way back in the day, but if once an abuser always an abuser, then I have to consider that to be true of myself also. So what’s the point then?

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 2:28pm

  448. 448: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    If Mr. Cop tries to kiss me with his tobacco-chewing mouth, I want to say no. Can you suggest a good feeling message for this please?

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 2:31pm

  449. 449: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    I am too triggered to condone or discourage your wanting a relationship with C, because I have been physically abused by a long term partner.

    I feel powerless seeing you get down about what some internet stranger that you already don’t get along with very well on this blog said about your relationship desires.

    But I just wanted to send you some love and support:)

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 2:40pm

  450. 450: lkNo Gravatar says:

    STARLAAA do my work for me : ((( i’ve allowed myself to fall behind because i’ve been feeling depressed about my job & my coworkers’ dynamic… it’s making me feel really down to feel like we don’t have a “team” anymore… i feel like crying, actually!

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 2:41pm

  451. 451: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    And when I say “some internet stranger that you don’t even get along with” i don’t mean that as a diss to Daria, but really really really generically, as it could have been anyone on this here anonymous internet.

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 2:42pm

  452. 452: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    aww, lk, i haven’t got jack sh*t to do and am about to go clean our office fridge, lol! What are you working on? straight up, i’d be happy to help if i can.

    if you have privacy in the bathroom go have a cry. feels niiice.

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 2:45pm

  453. 453: TiffanyNo Gravatar says:

    I just practiced my dance sequence, and was thinking to myself about how I am fine. Just fine…all of this is okay. it’s going to be okay.

    And then K chatted me. Tehee! :-) (5 gchats 😉 )

    gah. I love boys!

    I might has well just admit it. I was too afraid to be “boy crazy” when I was younger. I thought that was just the obvious thing to do. But hey. I should just admit it. I don’t hate them! I like them! yay! :)

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 2:47pm

  454. 454: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    This feels bad. Mr. Cop asked me out on Friday two days ago, but as of 5:50 pm, he still hasn’t set a time and place. He emailed me a couple times a little while ago. He said he would be done work at 5:30 or 6:00 pm, so I am going to give him 15 more minutes.

    I am NOT going to get into this pattern again with another man. I cut Ryan some slack, because of his illness. But no more. I am more than ready and more than deserving to be treated like a Siren.

    If I don’t hear from him in 15 min, I’m taking myself out on a date.

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 2:50pm

  455. 455: lkNo Gravatar says:

    gah can’t even tell you what i’m trying to do as it feels entirely too stupid. i’m feeling really angry because i feel it’s being done inefficiently & without involving the “right” people & without a real eye on the Big Picture. i feel pxssed. whatever. it’s my life & i choose to come here every day. 0_o sweet lk… i’ll try to find something else for you to do

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 2:53pm

  456. 456: sensualNo Gravatar says:

    feeling a bit better today. still a bit sad but not like yesterday. i believe these CDs will show up again but i don’t like the rubber band men they make me feel angry and i can’t welcome them if i feel angry….but i also feel like it’s weak on my boundaries to let a man come and go as he pleases especially after you’ve been kissing them or more.

    i got asked for lunch one day next week by someone new. not sure he’s my type but at least it’s something to look forward to

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 2:54pm

  457. 457: sensualNo Gravatar says:

    hmm how would a siren respond to a rubber band man….i don’t think she’d be angry, maybe she’d just play and feel happy in herself and with other men and he’d be falling all over himself trying to get her attention again because now he has lost her attention…because when you snooze you loose!

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 2:58pm

  458. 458: Jessie1000No Gravatar says:

    Turquoise–I feel sorry when I hear you say that you cant change because I really think that women have a large capacity for adaptation and for gathering support from other women…like this blog. (Statistically men are often in a higher danger zone of permanent self-injury just because it can be more difficult when men get themselves into bad places emotionally and then do not have the social skills to seek out help and get it quickly thus causing self-destructive spirals)….however I think women are amazing and adaptive creatures, if they are so inclined. Remember that you are a woman and you have a genetic history passed down from your mother and her mother and all our ancestors that may give you a leg up higher than you know! If you are listening to rori and on this blog, you are already doing something about creating a new cocoon for yourself that is safe and filled with loving people who will continue to build your self esteem, help you heal, and sometimes even teach you to appreciate yourself in new and wonderful ways….any woman who can bring herself to stand tall in this difficult sometimes womanizing society where we are taught to be jewellery, or man-pleasers, or worse yet, invisibile, will at some point feel discouraged but also may be able to change their patterns in relationships (even if it arouses some discomfort)….when my lovely husband used to be nice to me…i mean really kind to me, it used to make me shake all over…it used to make me feel scared and overwhelmed and i wanted to run away from him because it changed my entire view of myself….my old beliefs that I was no good, and no fun, and not beautiful….these old beliefs had to go….and they were so FAMILIAR lol
    but now…I remember that person who used to think I was so awful and I cant even remember why I thought that because good people have consistently loved me and been reciprocal with me and praised and supported me and now I feel like how they treat me!!1
    Hope it helps cause you seem so good and sweet

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 3:01pm

  459. 459: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks Jessie,

    I normally have a pretty decent opinion of myself, and have actually been feeling rather spectacular lately. My comment was based on a recent discussion here.

    I’m going to take a step back, have a great weekend everyone!!!

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 3:12pm

  460. 460: TiffanyNo Gravatar says:

    I am in SUCH a good vibe right now. I know he can feel my good vibe. And he’s thinking about me…My silence is killing him. He doesn’t know what’s going on with me anymore. Since I am no longer predictable. He is thinking about what I said. and he is starting to take me seriously…wondering what’s going on. He’ll be afraid he might lose me if he doesn’t step up and be the man I need him to be…haha. tehee. That is because, no matter what, I am the Girl, and I am the Prize. :-)

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 3:15pm

  461. 461: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Bye Turquoise, have a nice weekend:)

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 3:16pm

  462. 462: River GirlNo Gravatar says:

    441: Tiffany says:
    “Actually, I would say, if you are out meeting a man for a drink or for coffee, he CAN pay – even if it is not an official date. It is my experience that most men want to do this. The only exception here may be Australia, where I think it is more common for women to pay for themselves and allowing a guy to pay for you is essentially consent to sleep with him…. But I kind of like our grey areas better. I like it that the man doesn’t know *for sure* if he is going to sleep with you, just because he pays. But again, yes. Even if it a friend date, he can totally step in and cover the bill, and you don’t need to feel guilty. However, he should not be *expected* to pay. I’d say it needs to be his choice…so you could offer to pay for yourself and give him the chance to say no”

    Tiffany, I’m an Australian and I feel awful to read judgements about Australian men and women. What you wrote has not been my experience.

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 3:49pm

  463. 463: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    oooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhkaaaaaaayyyyyyyyy i have had nothing to do all day, and CF is coming to pick me up at 5:30, regular time i get off, and all of a sudden they want me to stay late!

    he drives an hour to get here! I told you people, if you want me to stay late, please give me an hour’s notice. don’t assume that on a friday night at 5:30 (when we close for business) that i won’t have somewhere to be.


    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 3:51pm

  464. 464: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    Oooo Tiffany I’m with River Girl! Aussie men are not all like that at all.

    In saying that if an Aussie girl makes it clear she’s paying, then often he’ll let her. But they’re not sirens are they?

    My experience is that you often get what you expect – no matter where you’re from.


    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 4:02pm

  465. 465: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    Oooo Tiffany I’m with River Girl! Aussie men are not all like that at all.

    In saying that if an Aussie girl makes it clear she’s paying, then often he’ll let her. But they’re not sirens are they?

    My experience is that you often get what you expect – no matter where you’re from.


    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 4:02pm

  466. 466: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    I would set a boundary with work too, and just say no. Not fair to ur man.

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 4:07pm

  467. 467: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Brenda, i actually told them that 1. the irony of it all kills me, because it only happens when my friend is driving an hour to come pick up and take me somewhere and 2. i really love being part of the team and i’m happy to help out as long as i can have enough notice (an hour or more). So it is likely that in 15 minutes, I will be able to leave:)

    I feel guilty though. I don’t want other people to stay late and suffer by themselves. But maybe next time they’ll give me some notice.

    and i am going to laugh if CF isn’t even here at 5:30 cuz of traffic or whatever:P

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 4:13pm

  468. 468: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    hah! i got the pass to go and cf is here too!

    ohhh thank you universe

    opening my heart reaaaaal big and going to melt in CF’s arms, have a nice night everyone!

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 4:15pm

  469. 469: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    oh yeah and he did end up texting me back when i vented to him earlier. he was sweet, and he said to remember there are nice people in the world, like me, hehehe how sweet. okay bye!!

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 4:17pm

  470. 470: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    I took myself out to eat when I didn’t hear from Mr Cop. Then at 6:30 he emailed that he is still at work and should be done soon. I emailed where I was, leaving it open to offer to join me here.

    I feel anxious and dissed. Thinking of going to a movie theater so if he contacts me again, he totally sees that I’m not sitting home sad.

    I don’t want this treatment. Not smooth in dealing with it, but this is practice and I don’t want this to happen again.

    Also how do you handle it if a man wants to go to your house. Both times he asked to meet at my house.

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 4:17pm

  471. 471: SirenityNo Gravatar says:


    I am sorry that you feel so unhappy about this. I noticed two posts where your own anger flare showed just a little.

    I wonder how you might feel owning that anger and riffing perhaps for a little ? Then moving back to good feelings?

    Some of the conflicted feelings may be because pushing away old patterns just doesnt work, you have to work through them in order to change. And two people who have an irritable style so easily ignite each other!

    I think its about what feels good . It may be that you and ex can live VERY happily as you are, ie from a distance not in the same house, he looking after you all but no need for daily eggshell walking, plenty of space between you then coming together now and then. This has seemed to make you happy without too much fear. Can this be enough?

    I feel concerned when I read fear tinged comments about him yelling or his irritable way of dealing with some stuff, because I can FEEL your little girl cringing when he does that. I also feel concerned when I read sweet T writing sarcastic comments .It makes me wonder how angry you really are! It would feel better to hear you writing a little like Daria who knows how to own her anger and feel it. The trick is to vent then know when to stop and find another feeling.

    In a similar vein Starla, you seem bright and very good at FMs . I do feel concerned when I read so many negative FMs though. I hope you are just leaving out lots of fun ones. Because i do remember coaches encouraging authenticity but not to drown a man in your negative feelings, not to hang them out all over him.

    AS for me I am an imperfect siren who is really sick today ..UUUGH .

    I feel exhausted and my head feels like a football.
    I feel sad that I cant go on my date tonight.
    I feel relieved I dont have to look pretty for anyone today (my head LOOKING like a football too :) )

    I feel anxiety over Turquoise ‘s situation because as I have mentioned previously I believe it is very difficult to overcome abuse cycling in relationships . The patterns are deep and unconscious . It may be possible but I dont feel good about it.

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 4:24pm

  472. 472: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    Good for you. I have found I get more respect with employers in the long term when I hold my boundaries.

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 4:27pm

  473. 473: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    So I picked up the phone to MWC at 5pm this afternoon, he first called about 4pm.

    And he was all like ‘oh so what are you up to later?’

    And I was like ‘oh, when I didn’t hear from you I made other plans’

    Him ‘oh’ sounding disappointed. ‘I’m not working’

    Me ‘Oh I feel really disappointed, when I did not hear from you I assumed you were working and made other plans’

    Him (still sounding kinda put out ‘oh ok then’ Then he said don’t worry and he would see me soon.

    He was ok..

    He asked if he can call me later and I said yes although I was unsure where I would be.

    A bit after he text that he was sorry he did not call me in time and he misses me.

    Ok fine.

    But now it is 11.30pm and he never did call.

    WTF?? !!

    I feel exhasperated.

    Why say you are going to do something and then not do it.

    And ok I was out on my CD so was not phone watching… but still WTF dude ??


    Grrr, I feel so angry and annoyed right now.

    Not least because I did/do want to see him.

    But I can’t / won’t accept flaky behaviour and I still feel weird about the drinking stuff.

    Date was ok.

    I still feel NOTHING.

    I just feel blank… and a bit bored.

    And not attracted.

    So that was that.

    He bought me a nice meal though.

    I feel so ungrateful… and I suppose I just want my man crack?

    But I am not going to berate myself for wanting to feel excited.

    I honestly don’t believe I could ever be with the kind of man who I just feel so luke warm about (not even really warm at all).

    There MUST be some middle ground.

    Ie: exciting but not an addict… or other toxic man.

    Going for a bath now.

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 4:33pm

  474. 474: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:

    Happy M has got a cozy indian food and movie and snuggle and sex evening planned out for us :-)

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 4:36pm

  475. 475: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    I feel fed up with bad treatment from men. I guess I was officially stood up by an ex officer.

    He is separated and that’s probably why he wanted to meet at my house. Is that excusable when first getting to know a man?

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 4:40pm

  476. 476: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    I have devised a new definition for Circular Dating: The process of dating many men for the purpose of learning how to communicate gently with a$$holes so you aren’t routinely treated like shit.

    Just wanna remind you I hate dating.

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 5:07pm

  477. 477: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    I feel like crying, but my heart feels paved with concrete.

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 5:15pm

  478. 478: SirenityNo Gravatar says:

    Brenda you make me laugh!

    My definition of CDing as per my current situation?

    The process of being dated and treated well by multiple men friends (4 recently) who enjoy my company, make considerable efforts to see me but dont seem to want to take it further. BLAH!!!

    Personally I am choosing to believe that I am a total siren and as such they recognize they cant toy with me or approach me for a relationship until they get their sh%t together :) Two of them have reasonably recent LTR’s which folded, one is an evergreen bachelor, and number four feels uncertain of his job and financial prospects..

    Meanwhile I have focused on enjoying my days/evenings with them, being approachable , melted in a kiss with number four, leaned back and waiting to see if any of them pop up again soon.

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 5:25pm

  479. 479: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Hi ladies!

    After an up and down day texting and calling with ATW (too long to explain and i don’t really to think about it, it already belongs to the past), I realised that he is really doing nothing wrong and that all the drama was because I leaned forward at firt! I actually even noticed that he’s trying to do efforts to please me and make me happy. So I’m gonna lean back now and let him make his efforts and appreciate it instead of asking for more.

    He is going out with his friends and said he might join me after where ever I am at but the thing is I am going out with some guy friends at a very trendy club an I doubt it’s his kind of place. Anyway I am honnestly not expecting anything from him tonight.

    I bought a nice pretty dress after work that I am wearing for the club. It’s the nicest pink in the world and all floppy and very simple. I look very feminine in it. Will practicebeing a siren with all the men tonight.

    Yay me! :)

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 5:37pm

  480. 480: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    I am going to stop grumbling now.

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 5:38pm

  481. 481: SirenityNo Gravatar says:

    Ella was wanting to feel excitement and warmth , but not toxic addiction.
    I so empathise with this!

    I have wondered about this too. Some coaches make a big point of allowing that feeling to grow organically and I believe it does.

    Once you get to my age , the men arent so gorgeous and it is a gentler hormonal process overall so its more likely things go the gradual simmer route.

    I do know there is one man who were I ever to run into him again , I would feel that instant zap . The thing is , and it took years to realise this , that “excited anticipation ” feeling is actually a good part FEAR. Its a good part ALARM BELLS ..scanning to make sure I dont get hurt , in short that addictive dangerous attraction is totally toxic for me long term.

    What i havent felt with a man for many years now is total warmth and security , total trust in him , a secure intimate attraction that feels SAFE. This is what I am looking for and I am sure it is just as addictive.

    I did have this feeling with a man some years ago, where I committed my heart to that secure safe place , but he left the next day ..literally, inexplicably, and unbelievably . (Months later I found he returned to his ex wife across the country the day after asking me to marry him :) )

    I am hoping this sort of experience isnt radiating out of me and keeping men as “friends” only ..sort of a force field..hmm . Now I am feeling concerned I have a man repellant vibe !!

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 5:39pm

  482. 482: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Turquoise I feel really bad and a bit anxious about the situation. So sad that you were on a high just to be dragged down like this. Really makes me wonder how safe can anyone on the blog feel about really sharing their personal stories.

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 5:41pm

  483. 483: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Brenda remember that in Reconnect Rori discourages meeting at your house for a first date? She said it makes it so much harder to establish boundaries later.

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 5:44pm

  484. 484: Healing WaterfallNo Gravatar says:

    FW and turquoise

    about Turquoise and fw daughter, i read an article the other day and it said that the more a child can speak back to his/her mother and fight with her, the more likely the child will be able to resist peer pressure and say no to doing drugs…..

    so i say it is great she is showing spunk! And great that you are helping her do/learn how to do it in a non hurtful way…..but encouraging her to express herself is SO key….so fw is right on!

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 6:01pm

  485. 485: SirenityNo Gravatar says:

    FW , I dont believe Turquoise would be “dragged down” by the opinions of strangers on a blog unless they were voicing her own fears and concerns . If she knew these comments to be untrue and unlikely she would cast them off nonchalantly without a second thought.

    I find that the more I emotionally react to comments and the more triggered I feel , the more that is the EXACT spot I need to become even more curious about. The FEELING of being defensive and angry is a big red arrow pointing “Over Here!”

    The more I angrily reject opinions and comments the more likely it is true that that really is “me” and my business that is needing exploration.

    I felt triggered and defensive that Lilibee wants to confront her ex and tell him he is a bad boy so she can altruistically give him an opportunity to heal…huh?? This triggers me big time! To me it feels like seeking his approval and agreement and trying to convince him he is a bad boy and needs to change .Thus making her RIGHT. So now I am searching in my current situations and digging around to see where I have done the same thing, justifying, convincing , seeking agreement and approval and wanting to be made right.

    I am finding plenty of examples in the past..hopefully not so many just now. I still long to contact two exes and have them tell me they treated me badly and to apologise to me.

    So I hope Lilibee and Turquoise dont mind me discussing your examples. i am thankful you honestly expose them here for dissection.

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 6:24pm

  486. 486: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    #156 SLV

    Awww no, I want my something that has now gone. :(

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 6:27pm

  487. 487: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    #162 Starla

    I LOVE the crazy 8 stuff, LOVE it, thanks for sharing. :)

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 6:30pm

  488. 488: NanceenNo Gravatar says:

    Ella stay firm. He is still mad (put out not really angry) you did not jump up and break your plans. He is mad you were not sure where you would be.

    Classic widdle boy. Your job is to be just like his mother and brook no nonsense from him and he does not boss mommy around. Once he sees you are calm and unruffled and doing what you want and need to do, he will either bolt or become very attracted and more grownup.

    Just my take on it. Do not complain. You were very cool and all woman. What is there to complain about? You got what you wanted, yourself strong and in control. What he thinks is none of your business. What you think of you is your business and obviously you think well enough of yourself to do what is right for you.

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 6:31pm

  489. 489: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    #167 Lobbystar

    I am sooo sorry to hear about your mum {{{ HUGS }}} sounds like you are on the right path with Wolfie, all the very best to you. xxx

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 6:34pm

  490. 490: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    RE: #483 – I refused to have my first date here. I said I wanted to meet in a public place, and I did. Then he wanted to meet here for the second date. And I said no. I suggested Ruby Tuesday only because I had a coupon for there.

    How do you suggest I handle it if he contacts me again and wants to come here? That is where I’m stumped and lack experience.

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 6:35pm

  491. 491: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    It would feel so good if someone gave me some feedback on my dating questions that I ran into. I really don’t know how to handle all these situations.

    I just want to withdraw and write off men, as I have in the past.

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 6:37pm

  492. 492: Healing WaterfallNo Gravatar says:

    yuck! me and my son have been fighting that stomach bug/fever….luckily just had the fever and a queasy stomach…..
    i feel so grateful, my ex-hubby was very sweet to me today….my son and i stayed at his house today and i got to play with some of the old things at the house with my son and felt so cozy basking in the warmth of the woodstove and i slept on the old couch and ex fed me and i made rice pudding for the cubscout potluck….

    and accountantCD texted me four times today, wanting to know how i am feeling and geocachingCD emailed me too. I don’t feel attracted to geocachingCD, but i definitely feel it would be fun to go geocaching….this is all good practice….but it is SO foreign to talk in FM….i am watching “The 7 year itch with marilyn monroe, talk about a siren….

    last night i was feeling so angry with accountantCD
    i want to be treated like a lady
    i want to feel safe to open up like a flower in a man’s loving presence
    i don’t feel that, i feel constricted and tight in my stomach when i hear him say he is not available and he wishes he could ravish me
    i feel so done with it, i feel ready for a change and i am open to speaking my mind. I just can’t seem to access why last night i really was feeling angry and this morning too. He texted me and then we talked on the phone and then he texted me right after we hung up and I texted him back, basically saying how i felt and he texted me back right away. Then later at 3 to see how i was. And now i just feel content, not mad at him. Maybe it is because i did a meditation and i asked him spirit to spirit if he wanted to go to the karmic arena with me and he said yes. And in the karmic arena we looked at our agreements we have had in the past and brought them into present time and we agreed to love, honor and respect each other and then in the meditation he made love to me like David Deida would have and I opened up to this incredible bliss and then we updated our records and then that is when he texted me to ask how i was….
    i don’t know, maybe it is when we get our own space clear, things shift….
    i just feel like i really value myself a lot more and i DO NOT WANT to be in a situation like this anymore, where I am not getting my physical/emotional needs met.
    I guess i am excited to go geocaching. and tomorrow my friend is giving a workshop on essential oils and becoming more aligned with abundance and the universal flow and she wants me to come for free….
    i am going to go and release blocks to receiving.
    i felt so supported today. my ex put air in my tires and built a big fire in the woodstove for me and took my son for me tonight so i could rest.
    thanks anybody if you read some or all of this.
    this is a long post.
    i just am trying to get more into my feelings and i thought if i just wrote i could get more into them and really sense them and own them
    so i do feel content today and it feels warm in my abdomen and my legs feel so relaxed and i have a little buddha smile on my face…i feel loved.

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 6:38pm

  493. 493: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Brenda re 475

    No it is not acceptable.

    A boundary is a boundary not matter the circumstance.

    I had this recently.

    I was quite patient with the guy who was trying to set up coming to my home.

    I just kept saying ‘No, a home visit does not feel good at this point’ and ‘I only feel good accepting proper dates’ and jokingly ‘Actually I only accept formal dates via written invitation’

    He got the message in the end and I believe it will ramp up the attraction.

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 6:38pm

  494. 494: NanceenNo Gravatar says:

    Sirenity that is really common to want to contact exes and have them apologize. GRRRR I have been through that big time. But let me tell you, if ;you can resist that, it is totally worth it. It can take a long time because sometimes the only closure is no closure. OUCH!! You can even be with another man and very happy and treated well and feel some angst and tears pricking in your heart occasionally. But all the exes can SEE is you living well and seemingly oblivious to them and that my dear is a type of closure for you. Its your diginity. And your dignity will keep you warmer and more beautiful than any angry, spirit weakening letter. What they did does not deserve the honor of being put in writing or even a spit of ink. Give it no energy

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 6:39pm

  495. 495: NanceenNo Gravatar says:

    I am here Brenda

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 6:41pm

  496. 496: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    I Fu(cking hate life.

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 6:42pm

  497. 497: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 6:43pm

  498. 498: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    Thank u, that is very helpful.

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 6:46pm

  499. 499: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Sirenity thanks for being so open and sharing.

    I know what you mean about the man repellent vibe, I often wondered this about myself.

    I came to the conclusion that I don’t, and I bet neither do you, or if we do it is all temporary and part of the process anyway.

    And these days when I get it I consciously practice imagining a STRONG pulse of super attractive, shimmery, magentic energy pulsing out of me at that moment.

    I AM THE AIR THAT THEY NEED TO BREATH and they are super lucky to be near me.

    And I imagine anyone standing near me gets submerged in a a warm, shimmery, inviting glow… and it feels good.

    This seems to work.


    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 6:46pm

  500. 500: NanceenNo Gravatar says:

    You simply repeat where you would like to meet. There is not a choice. If he totally does not get it that is a red flag. A second date and he is trying to shove you around? I dont think so!!!!!!!!!!! Dump him. He will shove off or come back humble and agree to meet you where you are comfortable STAND FAST

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 6:47pm

  501. 501: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you FW, you expressed the concerns I was thinking exactly. Who would want to share their stories here when they’ll be judged and attacked? For those women who haven’t posted yet…. I believe it could cause them to hold back.

    Sirenity, I’m surprised you think my feeling messages are mostly negative, but I guess those are the ones I’m concerned about so I share more of those. My interactions with him have gotten better and better, and as I stated recently, it feels really great to put some of what I’ve learned here into practice and see immediate results. We still have a lot of healing to do, but part of the problem is that we don’t see each other often, so things drag out longer than if we saw each other regularly and could work through issues in a more timely manner. I’m pleased with the progress we are making and in this time frame since it’s just been since Christmas that we’ve been talking about any of this.

    For my anger and sacrastic remarks? Sure, I feel that, but with Daria, this just goes round and round, so I try to ignore her mostly, and skip over many of her posts.

    I FEEL that she did NOT bring that up out of concern for me, but rather as a judgement of what was wrong with me and the women on the blog who have been supportive because she’d had a tense conversation about sex before marriage and Starla called her on her judgements. I’ve been talking about him for a long time, and when I’m feeling so happy and relieved about my credit card, that I making progress on the issues I feel most strongly about.. for her to ridicule me on the blog like that, I won’t write what I truly think of her, because it doesn’t need to be done here. I don’t need to vent out or write all my feelings, or what I think she shares is venom on the blog to process my feelings.

    But I’m not leaving. I really like a lot of the women here, I enjoy sharing about our lives, the good and the bad… I am learning a lot about myself and that feels good. I also feel connected, and want to find out where their jouney’s take them.

    I don’t know how much of my own story I’ll feel comfortable to share, but I’m not leaving.

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 6:48pm

  502. 502: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    Hello Siren Island…
    I’m feeling good/bad/scared/excited/blah/on edge/confident/insecure/nervous/panicky/beautiful/soft/encouraging/powerful/vulnerable

    I am going to read and try and catch up with all of you exciting ladies….wow.

    Well I haven’t heard from Recycled since the other day…(it’s totally ok) but LOL I forgot to mention to you that when I did talk to him the other day on the phone, I almost said “hi Recycled!” OMG LOL….

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 6:49pm

  503. 503: NanceenNo Gravatar says:

    To Rori:

    Hi Rori, I disagree with some of your statements about the part about waiting until marriage.

    Men certainly can and even enjoy it but my experience has been it has been when a wedding date has been set, in other words, they have decided she is the one and since she is, why she is worth the wait. They seem to love dragging the anticipation out.

    Those two never set a date or had any real concrete plans hence him feeling so crazy and nutty and confused.

    hugs to you!!

    PS. I saw a picture of your hubby a few months ago you posted, a recent one and older one. Wow he did look like Hugh Grant. When I saw it I burst out laughing and said to myself “well here is the man that started it all!!”

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 6:53pm

  504. 504: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Brenda I agree with Ella. I have done something similar.

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 6:54pm

  505. 505: NanceenNo Gravatar says:

    HaHa Emerson, that is so funny almost calling him by the nickname. I had one that was always the professor (cuz he was) on this blog. Everyone knew about him and never remembered his real name

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 6:55pm

  506. 506: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    No sirenity, I was triggered by how she handled it and the way she said it. If she had said…. Turquoise, I feel really concerned that you’ve shared he hit you before, and you want him back. Do you believe he’s really changed? Are you concerned that could happen again? I don’t think I could trust a man who’d hit me.

    Then I could have worked with that. But I feel slammed and put down and don’t think she cares one bit about that issue for me, it was just to blow up on here.

    But most of what Daria says triggers me. I stand up for other sirens when necessary, and I’ll stand up for myself.

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 6:56pm

  507. 507: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    I’m glad you’re not leaving. I think you are a role model to us all in most ways. I think you have a beautiful life, and so many times I wish I had the life you have.

    I love you, brenda

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 6:56pm

  508. 508: NanceenNo Gravatar says:

    Always deliver any comments here with lots of tenderness and gentleness….it is not to say you are not that way but it may get missed in the message and since it may be with someone who is feeling pretty shaky sprinkle with lots of sugar

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 6:57pm

  509. 509: Healing WaterfallNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Brenda
    i don’t know what to tell you
    i don’t seem to get past date number two….and i am in this no man’s land with accountantCD…..but it is all good, because i am learning what i am feeling about it all and honoring my feelings first….

    i like feeling loved and relaxed.
    i feel safe imagining the many men bringing me gifts and attention visualization for a longer time now.
    baby steps.

    at first, the NV’s would push the good feeling visualizations away and now i am letting them in.

    let’s see, i would like to receive a neck massage and a foot massage, a hot coffee, a bouquet of hot pink tulips, a brunch date where i am treated to waffles with real vermont maple syrup, a walk by the lake,
    a glass of champagne, a guy to walk up to me in a bar and introduce himself……someone to tell me i am beautiful, that i look really good, that i am sexy…

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 6:58pm

  510. 510: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    I had a very strange experience today, the man that came this morning to fix my TV box/internet thingie looked remarkably like LD, I mean sooo remarkably like LD I did a double take when he was at my front door, OK maybe a little younger, a little shorter and not American but a Brit guy…………….so whilst he was here I practised being open and inviting as an experiment,
    RR stance, palms open sinking into my pelvis, I have felt so weird since this encounter, was he a Messenger?

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 6:58pm

  511. 511: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    And if he WAS a Messenger, what was he telling me? OOOhhhh I have felt sooo strange since this encounter………

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 7:00pm

  512. 512: SirenityNo Gravatar says:

    Turquoise..sorry for my unclear communication..no it was not you i was mentioning re the negative emotional messages..it was Starla. I actually hear good clear balanced negative and positive in what you relate here on the blog. i think you do it very well!

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 7:01pm

  513. 513: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    reading 152 LOL about the hooters shirt and tight sweats…OMG that is funny. Sounds like you handled it well and you are intuitive about her intentions it seems…and nice of you to want to befriend her and she may end up just being a really fun/great girl to be friends with! Yah it may very well be that she just craves some social attention and she’s a lil akward…conisdering the hooters gear…LOL kinda cute. I love your reaction and cd’s as well. :-) hugs

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 7:01pm

  514. 514: SirenityNo Gravatar says:

    Nanceen, i totally agree re the no contact ..It is not easy , but it lifts my self esteem hugely that i have not contacted these men and that I have NOT sought closure.

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 7:03pm

  515. 515: SirenityNo Gravatar says:

    Ella , I simply love the magnetic shimmery visualisation. I am going to try it as soon as I see a man!! Right now I am in bed with a head like a football and I think my shimmeriness is just a fever :)

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 7:04pm

  516. 516: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    505 Hi Nanceen!

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 7:05pm

  517. 517: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    499 Ella….love it thank you for the wonderful imagery I’m so gonna think of that when I need a lil girl power :-)

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 7:07pm

  518. 518: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Hmmmm…. Silver Moonbeam… I think he was a messenger, feels exciting! I can’t wait to find out what the message is. You’ll figure it out soon, something else will come up. :)


    Thank you, I really appreciate your words and I love you too. I can’t leave and not find out what happens with Siren Brenda… you are like a deep, emotionally charged book, I know it’s going to end beautifully, but I don’t want to miss the second half!

    I don’t know that my life is worth wishing for as is…. but it’s getting there for sure!

    As far as the date at your house… I usually don’t let men come over for at least the first 3 dates. Sometimes they never get invited over. Sometimes I think they want company, and may really like you, but either don’t have money to spend, or want to skip over the courtship and get to the comfortable part. I agree that meeting in public is best. Hugs! It will get easier and I am so proud of you for trying. I know it’s not easy!

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 7:09pm

  519. 519: Healing WaterfallNo Gravatar says:

    i am really feeling upset about this situation also.
    i don’t feel like Daria says anything to hurt anybody intentionally…..
    i feel happy for you that your ex is stepping up for you and i feel like you are really f#cking INCREDIBLE, you are growing so much and it shows in your posts…
    so i really hope you still do feel comfortable sharing
    i know i feel hesitant sharing the stuff about accountantCD since i am sure you all are thinking when is she going to dump this guy? And i am trying to and i am letting go more and more everyday and becoming more neutral and learning to love more of my own life…..so i do feel vulnerable sharing and so i left out details of my text messages this morning, which were actually really juicy and if you really want to hear the good stuff, just ask away….
    i really crack myself up sometimes actually….
    so turquoise don’t go away
    and daria i know you are saying what you do because you do really care….
    and i feel sad, i didn’t post for a week and when i came back on, i wonder if anyone noticed that i had been gone and this is such an old feeling and i want to heal this, this feeling of beeing invisible, it is a brown blob in front of my forehead and it has the feelings that say i am not important and this is a lie.i want to heal this.
    love to me
    i am important to myself.
    i am important to my students.
    i am important to my friends.
    i am important to my son.
    i am important to my landlord, he likes my rent check. lol.

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 7:11pm

  520. 520: SirenityNo Gravatar says:

    And Brenda..

    I am so not the magnetic Siren who knows how to date new men so they clamor for more.. meow.. :)

    But I do often get to date two . I offer to meet them publicly for one, and let them suggest picking me up and going somewhere for two. it was easy when i was in a secure apartment building as they would call and I would come down and meet them outside.

    Its a bit more difficult in a country house where they come up the path and ring the bell. But its ok as long as I am not offering a meal or to do anything at my home with them. Of course the old friends are not a problem, it feels good to offer them a coffee or a stroll around my garden.

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 7:12pm

  521. 521: NanceenNo Gravatar says:

    Sirenity!!! You are getting it!! Hang on!!

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 7:15pm

  522. 522: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Oh I see Sirenity, I thought you were comparing me to Starla and that like her I was good at feeling messages, but share more negative ones.

    There is a big fly buzzing around my ceiling fan lights, and it’s really annoying the heck out of me. I need my flyswatter. Hmm… reminds me of someone.

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 7:17pm

  523. 523: LoveAlwaysNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Sirens!!!! TGIF!!!

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 7:19pm

  524. 524: NanceenNo Gravatar says:


    I think Rori talked about a woman that dated so many men that she never had a second date with she became ultra carefree and blase (spelling?) and it actually became a heady experience to date so many and then suddenly that one guy appeared that wanted to cross the bridge into total committment and marriage with her.

    All these one or two date wonders are just one step closer to the real thing

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 7:20pm

  525. 525: LoveAlwaysNo Gravatar says:

    CD song is stepping up!!! I feel so unnerved now

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 7:23pm

  526. 526: NanceenNo Gravatar says:

    As always let someone know a guy is coming to your house to pick you up, give a friend or family member a quick run down…just to be on the safe side

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 7:24pm

  527. 527: SirenityNo Gravatar says:

    506 Turquoise

    Can you ask yourself why you needed to hear the words in a certain way so you could “work with that”?
    What is it about the angry voices voicing those concerns that triggers you ?

    Could it be that the reaction you are having is in itself a flashlight showing up some other and deeper and more private concerns?

    And could it be that the confrontation is uncomfortable to the degree that the issues are uncomfortable?

    I agree with the “likely to reoffend ” camp myself , (for myself that is my truth) , but several people expressed that opinion including me and yet your reaction was strongest to Daria. What could that indicate?

    I also wondered if Daria received some of the response that could appropriately have been directed at Rori after her blunt comment ? Its easier to react to Daria than to Rori on Roris own blog.

    Anyway, all way too much analysis probably. I think its a day for following your feelings.

    I am thankful that your posts are very healing and triggering and soothing for many of us here !!

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 7:25pm

  528. 528: NanceenNo Gravatar says:


    Is this someone you were dating and working the rori magic on and suddenly he is responding?

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 7:26pm

  529. 529: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Healing Waterfall,

    I’m sorry, but I disagree. I’m guessing you’ve never been on the receiving ends of one of Daria’s rants, where she won’t even read over comments you send back, because she’s being “judged”, yet it’s her judgements that start the debate or argument. I have seen her call other sirens bitc#es and make lots of judgements.

    I really don’t want to talk about it anymore, because it just makes me feel quite s#itty, and this doesn’t feel healing, but I’m not leaving the blog.

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 7:27pm

  530. 530: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    510 and 511 Silver Moon….
    I had a similar experience with a body double of Recycled.
    I took an exercise class and when I walked in, my stomach dropped…. this guy in the class looked like his younger twin brother.

    Same accent and all. And he was so cute and always talked to me and was kinda hitting on me all the time! It was soo flattering and it made me feel happy. I don’t know what the message was, but if nothing else he was yummy eye candy!!! LOL

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 7:27pm

  531. 531: NanceenNo Gravatar says:


    There will be a guy who clamors for more. But you wont be that interested at first. But the more he clamors, the more it is going to bring out the siren in you.

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 7:30pm

  532. 532: NanceenNo Gravatar says:

    Emerson when I first read your post I thought you said it was soo fattening and my first reaction was “stay the HELL AWAY girl, he aint worth the control top panty hose you may have to buy later.

    I am so silly tonite

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 7:33pm

  533. 533: SirenityNo Gravatar says:

    529 – I have certainly received Darias and others negative attention in the past and I remind myself that Rori wants us to use the blog to learn how to cope with being triggered and to get to a point of not responding in the old pattern!!

    For me this means if I am attacked I am definitely MUCH better at not just noticing it and moving on and not taking it as REAL.

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 7:34pm

  534. 534: Healing WaterfallNo Gravatar says:

    well i get it that it is time to stop talking about it and i really just hope you feel safe here because when you process your stuff here it is so raw and beautiful and it speaks to me alot…and it is so inspiring to see you grow and i feel like most of the time you must feel really accepted…

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 7:35pm

  535. 535: SirenityNo Gravatar says:

    Nanceen I am giggling as I visualise them clamoring at my door with arms full of roses and champagne, desperate to be let in to my sweet Siren Home.

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 7:37pm

  536. 536: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    Even if I NEVER hear from him again…..(which I’m pretty sure I will) I feel happy just knowing that Recycled was thinking about me enough to feel compelled to contact me LOL aww…

    Well I’m in major lean back mode right now and so proud of myself…I’m also corresponding with other CDs although they both live far from me…it’s good practice and both are CUTE and dreamy and make me feel all soft and feelingy and flowy when I talk to them…..hee hee I’m in girly girl mode 😉 😉

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 7:40pm

  537. 537: LoveAlwaysNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Nanceen

    [loooooong story short]
    Yes, CD Song is one of my CDs and I have feelings for him but have been leaning back and CDing others (one of which is has been stepping up aggressively).

    But My heart jumps when CD song calls, texts and when I see him – I feel like such a school girl and embarrassed, but it feels good deep in my chest.

    Anyway, CD song seemed to not be stepping up, just like comfortable – in relationship mode, and that did not feel so good, so I leaned back more and decided to just let him be and whatever it is – it is.

    But then the other CD started professing his love for me and we started dating a lot more – and I really enjoy his company and enjoy our time together and I really like him.

    But CD song calls nearly every day and is now talking about the future and marriage. . .

    Yes, the magic is working!! My close friends say that I’ve overdosed on Rori’s programs because men are stepping up more than it seems I can handle.

    But I’m a siren, so I can handle it, if I stay in touch with my feelings :)

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 7:41pm

  538. 538: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    Turquoise I always appreciate reading your comments and I do learn from your experiences >…thank you for being YOU and I enjoy your voice on the blog… hugs xoxox

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 7:42pm

  539. 539: NanceenNo Gravatar says:

    Turquoise I know all about the rants. I have seen so many they lost all steam. I dont always talk on this blog, in fact I am often silent for months. Usually I do that when I am so upset about something, I cant talk but I like to come near and feel like I am near people I know. Not that I ever met anybody but you do get close.

    I had to stay away a long time this. A five year relationship ended last April and it was too painful to speak of. Feeling better now somewhat.

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 7:42pm

  540. 540: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    364 lk says
    “…. i can’t get myself to want a big tent full of caterers & soggy women teetering on heels…”

    Ditto!!!! I want an easy wedding with natural beauty and minimal fuss….but lovely at the same time….

    You will have it lk and I will too :-)

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 7:45pm

  541. 541: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Because it’s a pattern with Daria. Do you think anyone responds well to anger? I don’t, no matter who might be yelling or criticizing me.

    Rori is entitled to her opinion, and I think most people would say that they wouldn’t stay in an abusive relationship, neither would I. But I don’t feel that I am in one. He is not hurting me, at all. We aren’t even a couple. He’s always going to be a part of my life, and things have been really fantastic the last 9 months. We both feel good about where we are and how things are between us. I don’t know what the future holds, but who does? I’m open to the idea of a future with him because of how well things have been. They’ve actually been pretty great for over 2 years. Since my sister died. It’s just been the last 9-12 months that they’ve been like this.

    Your posts are triggering me too, because I don’t feel what you are suggesting at all. I don’t feel some big, deep, dark scary feelings about him or what happened between us and I don’t appreciate the suggestion. It’s one of the things I really don’t like on the blog, being told by someone else what I must be feeling, even after I’ve said it’s not true. I went to a therapist for a long time that I completely loved, she was amazing and helped me heal a lot about myself, my marriage, my fears, and we talked about wonderful things too. Those things happened a really long time ago, nothing current. I am not afraid it would happen again, I don’t feel ashamed or scared. It also seems like a much bigger deal than it actually was. Yes we fought and a couple times it got physical. Both our faults. I don’t condone what happened. I am not making excuses for him, but in 18 years, to have a few bad fights, that doesn’t equate with the battered wife image who ends up in the hospital, or has to try and hide bruises or who can’t have friends or money, or any of the other stereotypical battered wife signs. To me, over 4 years without anything like that at all, is a really long time. I don’t post my life experiences to trigger others, it’s to share a more complete picture of what my life is like.

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 7:46pm

  542. 542: NanceenNo Gravatar says:

    WOW lovealways, way to go with handling these times.

    Rori also has one on one private consultations available if you ever need some serious direction. The only direction you might need from her is getting even closer to what you really need and feel . Then any decision will be a snap.

    That is my big dilemma. So much of what I feel is shrouded in mist. Cant articulate it no matter how hard I try. No word rings a bell in my head

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 7:48pm

  543. 543: LoveAlwaysNo Gravatar says:

    I’ve had such a roller coaster these past 20 days. I’m going to settle my siren self down in my bed and sleep until the day eases me awake.

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 7:50pm

  544. 544: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    533 Sirenity says
    “For me this means if I am attacked I am definitely MUCH better at not just noticing it and moving on and not taking it as REAL”

    I know this was not directed at me but thank you it was well put and I really like this…I am going to think of this next time I feel triggered by anything and just not give it any power.

    I am getting better at this actually…last Summer I was wound up so tight and I think it’s because I’d gone thru some stressful changes in my life…

    I’m feeling a lot more capable of handling what are for me “difficult” personalities by just not handling them at all…LOL

    I’m very sensitive and there is a certain type of person that knows JUST how to jab me in the ribs and I used to react to it….now I am better at not doing that.

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 7:51pm

  545. 545: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:


    Part of it is because he’s not a bad person. And what anyone here knows of him, is because of what I have shared. Even though no one here knows him, or who he is, it feels pretty damn awful to have him judged because of what I”ve shared. So my defensiveness is probably more about him than about myself.

    Me standing up for people I care about, triggered or not, is not something I WANT to change about myself. I don’t care what Daria thinks of me, we’ve already had that debate…. but I will not sit back and not address what is said about me or my family. Ever.

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 7:54pm

  546. 546: LoveAlwaysNo Gravatar says:


    Thank you, I may consider that down the line. I feel so early in this whole situation, and am dealing with my feelings every day. More importantly, I don’t feel rushed for marriage anymore (like when I first started Rori’s program after a bad break up with a guy). I’m actually enjoying dating, life is so new, and I don’t want to make the wrong decision, and I don’t want to rush into a decision, and I’ve been cding other people also to try to balance this out for me, but my feelings are just all over the place right now, but it feels good. Sometimes I can express my feelings to my CDs, but the more serious feelings are directed at ME, not them, so I do a bit of spamming on the blog to just get it out and into words. It’s not easy saying them to men.

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 7:57pm

  547. 547: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:


    I’m sorry to hear about your relationship ending. I remember you from when I first joined last spring, but I don’t remember your story. I’m sorry. Time definitely helps, probably what helped me the most. Are you dating anyone now?

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 7:59pm

  548. 548: SirenityNo Gravatar says:

    Thats ok that you feel triggered Turquoise ..I am not offended. I am not assigning feelings to you , I just asked the questions I ask myself . You answered them for yourself.

    Again I say that the fact the issue is such a big hot potato feels good to approach because that’s where healing lies.

    Watching this blog interaction about abuse and violence in relationships feels intriguing because my feelings about it are clarifying.

    Also watching people triggering and reacting to each other without feeling emotionally caught up in the dynamic is really powerful healing for me !!!

    I feel good knowing I can receive critical comments and other peoples negative feelings about me without reacting like I used to …yaay me.

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 8:00pm

  549. 549: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you Emerson. I feel the same way. :)


    Healing Waterfall, I’m sorry you feel invisible… but the more you post, the more responses you’ll get. It kinda goes hand in hand. Spill any juicy details you have girlfriend! :)

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 8:04pm

  550. 550: nanceenNo Gravatar says:

    Gosh Emerson, no cardboard vanilla cake with inches of sugar crisco frosting? No one warbling “promise me?” No maid of honors in cheap satin dresses with shoulder pads and giant bows in back? NOT EVEN HIGH HEELS DYED TO MATCH THE DRESSES?! NO CHICKEN CORD ON BLUE ?

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 8:06pm

  551. 551: LoveAlwaysNo Gravatar says:


    Please don’t feel invisible. Many times I read the blog and just don’t post. So I read your comments :)

    Sometimes I just post without reading the blog.
    Sometimes I post and no one, not one person responds to me. But that is just how it goes sometimes as there are different vibes and lifetimes going on at once in this one place. More important than whether or not you are missed, is how good it feels so read your posts whenever you post.

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 8:10pm

  552. 552: nanceenNo Gravatar says:

    Sirenity it gets worse:

    Tears trip down their noise and trickle over their mustaches (if they have them) into their bowl of buttered popcorn or sara lee cake. They type tearfully and mournfully on a secret blog run by Rori’s husband (just kidding Rori!!) as to why they cannot win you… Rori’s husband advises them not to scrape at your door like a dog and cool it after sending roses several times.

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 8:10pm

  553. 553: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    I’d like to get married on the beach, in a long, flowy dress with flowers in my hair, hearing the waves crash, smelling the salty air, feeling the breeze and looking deeply into the eyes of the man I love, holding hands and exchanging promises of love, hope and unity.

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 8:11pm

  554. 554: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Turquoise and the truth is people have been supportive all along about your interactions with him and have expressed that you have been doing well. Up to this point. If you had not mentioned that incident I am sure you would still be receiving encouraging words.

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 8:14pm

  555. 555: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Healing Waterfall,

    RE: #509 – I like that! Thanks!

    I want blueberry pancakes instead of waffles with the real maple syrup…and whipped cream on top, LOL! :-)

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 8:14pm

  556. 556: SirenityNo Gravatar says:

    No facial hair please !
    i dont do moustaches and stubble and beards are a total turn off.

    I read somewhere that men started to shave so women could differentiate them from wild hairy beasts !!! LOL

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 8:16pm

  557. 557: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    RE: #520 – Thank you!

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 8:16pm

  558. 558: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    I wonder if Daria is jealous of you.

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 8:17pm

  559. 559: Coco KissesNo Gravatar says:

    Hey Queens, so my husband called me today, I missed his call however, and the message went something like ” hey coco, its me, I know u thought I wouldn’t call u any more, but I’m calling, I just called to c how u, Maya, and the dogs are doing. I know u probably won’t call me back, since ur probably going out tonight, but I guess that’s none of my business anymore, I’ll try calling u later, um take care, I hope ur happy, doing well, and just do you, bye……for the record HAVE NOT called him back, and do not plan on it , I must admit it felt good to hear his voice, but I don’t feel ready to speak with hm just yet. I have been leaning back majorly, and guess what, he did call me again this evening, I also missed this call due to my phone being dead. I’m going to read this as he is beginning to feel attraction, because I am leaning back…maybe I shouldn’t read too much in to it, after all he will still have to prove himself if and when he comes back.

    On another note, I went out this evening, to my Spanish meetup group, it felt fun practicing speaking Spanish! I think I will be fluent by the end of the year!it felt great practicing my tools, and trying to excuse feminine energy. The waitress we had was taking an uber long time, so I casually said to the man sitting next to me, wow it would feel really great to eat some delicious food, and like magically he called the waitree over so we could place our food orders.

    @ Feminine woman…I have cried so much I feetired of crying, I want to be peaceful and happy.

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 8:18pm

  560. 560: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    RE: #556 – I feel the same way about moustaches and beards. I find very few men attractive with them.

    I feel safer with men with little body hair at all. Think Michael Landon with no shirt on, LOL! I was in love with him as a teen, watching him on Little House on the Prairie!

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 8:19pm

  561. 561: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    550 @ nanceen
    LOL aww well since you brought up all those lovely things, I will reconsider! :-) Don’t forget the cheesy DJ playing really bad songs to listen to in front of your parens like “Erotic City” and the like!!! LOL

    Well I am going to browse some wedding magazines this weekend perhaps..just for fun….and I’m sooo ok with doing a destination wedding and just going with the flow!

    On another topic, I ran into an old friend today and I am hoping we can reconnect. :-) I have like 3 or 4 new girl friends right now! I keep adding more! And they are all soo sweet and supportive and they are asking to hang out with me and do stuff!

    I have been busy and unsettled but my goal is to do just that!!!! I like having girlfriends again even though we don’t know each other well…it’s fun and we will get to know each other. They are all smart and fun women who are near my age. :-)

    Yay Emerson!

    I feel happy because a lot of my girlfriends from way back when have fallen off my radar and I was getting sad for a while.

    Also recently I was feeling left out of work stuff that was going on outside of work that I was not invited to. But actually I don’t like one of the girls so I wouldn’t have gone anyway….but now I have soo many new friends I don’t care. :-) Yay

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 8:19pm

  562. 562: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    RE 558 Brenda you are brave. That thought crossed my mind but I did not dare type it.

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 8:21pm

  563. 563: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    556 I like mustaches sometimes…my ex had one and it was sexy and cute on him. :-)

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 8:21pm

  564. 564: Coco KissesNo Gravatar says:

    @ Turquoise….I had a beach wedding, it was absolutely beautiful

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 8:21pm

  565. 565: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    RE: #518 – “Sometimes I think they want company, and may really like you, but either don’t have money to spend, or want to skip over the courtship and get to the comfortable part. I agree that meeting in public is best.”

    Thank you. I know this man has money. I think he just wants to skip courtship and make a sexual move, in addition to being known around this community and not wanting to be seen with another woman, because he is newly separated.

    And I’ve gone that route, and I don’t welcome it. One time I allowed a man to do that, after one meeting for coffee, about 5 years ago. It came out in conversation that altho he prefers BBWs, he felt embarrassed being seen in public with one. That felt horrible.

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 8:24pm

  566. 566: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    I have a picture of a beach wedding on my vision board

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 8:24pm

  567. 567: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    I’m watching Clash of the Titans for the first time and really enjoying it.

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 8:25pm

  568. 568: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    561 LOL at myself because I am not even engaged!! hee hee

    I have to tell you that the strangest things have been happening to me…I have been praying and asking for things and they are coming to me almost like a rush…
    I am overwhelmed, but grateful and feeling brave…but scared and incapable, but I know I am

    you really are Emerson!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Hmm my work situation is not completely resolved but in the process hopefully…and not only that but with Recycled calling, it was strange. I don’t want to read into it but I’ve been praying for some relief of feeling lonely for him and for male company and affection in general….and I don’t know if that is an answer to my prayer or what, but hmmm….

    So now…I’m going to direct my thoughts and prayers toward my living situation and golly geez I better be specific because this crap is starting to get eerie how on target it has been aligned with my thoughts…things coming true….
    :-) :-)

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 8:26pm

  569. 569: LoveAlwaysNo Gravatar says:


    WoW!! How lovely! I love beach weddings!!!

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 8:26pm

  570. 570: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Also bingeing after having a healthy dinner. It really upset me to be stood up. I just can’t seem to get my emotional footing long enough to feel stable in my eating. It seems I could have just a few good dates with one man??

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 8:26pm

  571. 571: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Familiar Man called 4 times tonight. I felt too down to deal with more pain, I mean with another man. So I let it go to voicemail. He only left a voicemail after the 4th call. So I’ll call him back tomorrow and just tell him I had plans. Which is the truth. I had plans to CD myself after being stood up.

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 8:28pm

  572. 572: SirenityNo Gravatar says:

    I am eating orange ginger snaps from Sweden and i can feel them doing me good . Perhaps they kill viruses :)

    I usually feel guilty eating sweet foods and rarely eat this sort of thing but i am feeling luscious and Sireny and I am going to do Ella’s pulses of magnetic shimmeriness visualisation shortly and will report back any results to the blog !

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 8:29pm

  573. 573: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:


    Let’s go out to breakfast! :)

    You are brave to post that… lol. No, I don’t think that’s it. She thinks I’m depressed like her mother, so I doubt that is it. But, she might be envious of the financial stuff, because she’d like to be taken care of, but no, I don’t think she’s jealous.

    FW… see, if I had just kept my dang mouth shut, lol… no, it’s good to be open and honest.

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 8:30pm

  574. 574: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    Brenda I am sorry you got stood up.

    I was stood up by a cd I met online a few months ago and he was begging for forgiveness blowing up my phone trying to talk to me, etc…I think I posted on the blog about it. …well needless to say, I never gave him a second chance.

    I just moved on and that was it.

    From now on until they confirm with my over the phone I don’t bother going to the destination we agreed on until it’s like super confirmed…and I also don’t venture far from home so it’s not a big loss if they don’t show.

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 8:31pm

  575. 575: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    RE: #552 – “RE 558 Brenda you are brave. That thought crossed my mind but I did not dare type it.”

    LOL! I know! I feel scared!

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 8:34pm

  576. 576: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    481 @ Sirenity says
    “……I did have this feeling with a man some years ago, where I committed my heart to that secure safe place , but he left the next day ..literally, inexplicably, and unbelievably . (Months later I found he returned to his ex wife across the country the day after asking me to marry him )…”

    OMG Sirenity!!!!! I’m so sorry. :-( Devastating to read that. ((HUGS))

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 8:38pm

  577. 577: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    572 Sirenity
    yay ginger snaps from Sweden :-) :-)

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 8:40pm

  578. 578: SirenityNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks Emerson, I guess its lost its emotional charge now for me..but I do know the feeling of security in love I want, even if it was a false security on that occasion .

    I just wonder if its possible to trust it after things like that happening in the past and to still stay fully open hearted?

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 8:41pm

  579. 579: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Emerson, the same things has been happening to me. I had been debating getting a smart phone, but not wanting to up my bill even more. I decided to order one, but then C offered to add me to his bill, which cut my bill down to half, plus I have a iphone now with a big data package, so Sunday, we went and got it. It does feel a little wierd, like why would he want to add me to his plan, but he said it would save me money and he didn’t mind. When he got our youngest a phone last month, my sister made a comment about me telling him to add me too. I just laughed it off, but do remember thinking how nice it would be. Then, I was just thinking LAST WEEK how I really wished there was a way I could pay off my credit card. Just last week, I was really wondering about what I could do to get it paid off now… get tons of candy orders and work my butt off, sell my engagement ring, borrow from my parents, could I make triple payments and get it paid off sooner? Could I comfortably fit triple payments in? What was I going to do because I was just soooo tired of being in debt and throwing so much money away on interest. But I just prayed for a solution. Sunday, while my ex was driving home from being here for the weekend, he offered to pay it off and for me to pay him back, with no interest. Um…. really? Did the universe really send me a solution to my problem in just a few days? Yes, it did. And all of this coming from a man who says, it doesn’t mean anything, yet keeps finding ways to help me and take care of me. He offered to make the eggs Sunday morning and I said no, because I was already at the stove and making pancakes, etc. Next time I’ll let him make me breakfast. It’s been a long time… and would certianly be a role change for us.

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 8:47pm

  580. 580: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:


    I am sorry you got stood up too… that sucks. I feel really bad about your story about the man who didn’t want to be seen in public with a bigger woman. That is terrible. :(

    That has happened to me before too. Then he made all these excuses and reasons, so I gave him one more chance. It happened again!!! Then, he popped back into my life a few times. Finally, I agreed to meet him for lunch and we did. We had a good time too… but he lied about a lot of stuff, to make himself sound better, and I just felt a lot of red flags.

    FW… I need to make a new vision board too… most of mine came true. I need my arbor with roses for the yard, something Australian (Hi BW!) and the man facing the ocean with his back to me, arms spread wide open. I can’t see his face, could be C or someone else entirely. :) I wonder what I”ll be inspired to add this time? Something Disney for sure, as I am saving for that and we might all go in December. Hmmm… not sure what else I want to add, so will feel good being surprised! :)

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 8:55pm

  581. 581: nanceenNo Gravatar says:

    I have been getting prayers answered too, I wanted an old used Volvo wagon, excellent shape, pristine, light colored, fully loaded, low mileage, and everyone said “oh too expensive to fix, dream on, yeah cream puff car” what are you crazy? $2000?! I even looked at one in the price range and it was kind of crappy and the friend with me said “take it, you need a car, what you want is unrealistic” I refused. People got fed up with me and derisive. I have been without a car for four months and hardly any rides anywhere, I felt pretty abandoned. Anyway to make a long story short, I held out and got that car. It has everything I wanted. It is beautiful. It is a stunner. Mechanic checked it out completely before I got it

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 9:04pm

  582. 582: nanceenNo Gravatar says:

    In November I junked my 16 year old Pontiac Sunfire. It was bright pink and I felt like an idiot driving it. The little neighborhood girls used to squeal when they saw “me and yell “ooh Barbie car”.Trust me I am way past the age where this type of car is cute or hot. Plug it was kind of beat up.

    Now I drive a silver, oh excuse me Sterling silver Volvo wagon.

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 9:06pm

  583. 583: nanceenNo Gravatar says:


    That is rough and painful…can you think back, were there any flags, even teensy ones? Said I love you too soon, asked you to marry too soon, too soon after his divorce, anything?

    Many times when I can think of the red flags, I feel more confident about the future and confident, I will see those flags ahead of time and thereby keep myself from harm.

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 9:09pm

  584. 584: nanceenNo Gravatar says:

    Turquoise: I discovered Rori in the middle of the relationship… it was too late….I have learned so much and cried buckets…but I did apply stuff and got some results…the end was more my fault..but I still dont really know, it is beginning to dawn on me maybe it was justs crumbs because honestly I dont know any better. If you never had steak and just bread and water all your life, you dont know how bad the bread and water is…I have told it so many times…this is the first time I have ever felt tired of repeating it and dont want to…must be a good sign…I cried and cried every single day. I went on some dates and used to go in the bathroon and cry on my dates. I know I am a weird chick. I just wasnt interested and I also felt the urge to try and get their attention in very subtle ways (for instance “just happening to be in a place they might be “and dressing beautifully, prattling on and on about myself instead of letting them speak and reveal themselves…these are all bad warning signs for me…because what I learned is when I do this I go out on a shaky limb and my confidence melts away. It is worse then melted, I just am a shaky basket case when I do ANY pursuing and I cant get it back. But for all these men I resisted doing that…and they just melted away. Since I did not give them anything (my eagerness, confidence, leaning in) it left me unscathed. Recently I met a man that is pursuing me. For me I had to do absolutely nothing. He is trying to build something and I look at it and see if I like it, then I cautiously accept his step closer. And only if I feel comfortable. You have no idea how charming and sparkling and outgoing and vivacious I can be and run the whole show and they are absolutely dazzled and I am utterly miserable and wretchedly insecure inside. Despite being a very sexy, beautiful woman with soft pretty voice I was completely masculine inside. I didnt call them or ever pay for dates or anything, I even made them wait for sex and I love to wear dresses and heels. They bought me gifts and took me on vacation. But Rori’s teachings alerted me something in me was clearly masculine. Its like I was a male peacock spreading his tail out. It is a weird feeling to do nothing. It is almost boring. No giddy wild romanctic feelings. I actually had a guy say to me once being with me was like being high. At the time I was flattered. Now I see that is not a real connection, that is not a man feeling comfortable and safe with me.

    I only feel completely safe and secure, if I do absolutely nothing. I had many opportunities to run into this man. I refused to do it. I went about my daily routine same as always, neither avoiding him or looking for him. I knew in my heart when our paths crossed naturally it would be right and I would feel safe that way. My sister slyly offered to give him my email (she knows him platonically through business). I said no, it does not feel good to me. She protested and I shushed her. NO. NO it does not feel good to me. I did run into him. We conversed almost an hour. Finally I had to send him on his way. I dont feel super excited. I dont have a first date dress all picked out. I just know he is interested. We talked of good fun things. I was wearing my cape. He has never seen my chest which is usually a source of fascination to men and which I used to think I was lucky and it would help me eventually to be loved. Now I know that sounds absolutely silly and ridiculous but that was how massively insecure I was. I even knew it in the past it was stupid but felt so crazed and fragmented inside probably felt that was about all I had to offer. Rori and Joyce Meyers have had the biggest impact on my life.

    As far as people rants, when you are in the thick of passion and your love and issues, lordy you are very, very sensitive. I used to leave this blog in tears. Its natural. Now I am much healed and used to things and dont get rattled. I wont mention names but honestly when it happens, I think it is kind of pathetic. There was one woman who I got so upset over, I wrote to Rori about her. Later on that day I wrote back to Rori and said maybe I am being too sensitive and apologized. I dont remember if she responded back but later on I do remember her gently reprimanding this woman or a general message on the blog. I kind of got the impression that other women were upset by her. Rori also said people will stay as long as they need to or if they are obnoxious they disapear after awhile. I remember briefly these guys were ona nd I was effing livid. They too went poof.

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 9:10pm

  585. 585: nanceenNo Gravatar says:

    Brenda these guys are so not worthy of you..

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 9:12pm

  586. 586: SirenityNo Gravatar says:

    Brenda , I am kind of glad you had the experience of being stood up. And i hope you feel much better now . Its like Dating Puppy Preschool and you are learning a few basic skills.

    I have been stood up lots of times now !! You get good at just not noticing it and moving on after a mere momentary prickle of hurt feelings.

    It feels empowering to not care a fig if they are inept or rude or shy or whatever..they just arent on YOUR radar anymore.

    This calm comes with practice. I had one guy the other day , online emails exchanged and he set up a date in a restaurant , time and place and told me he booked it.

    On the day he had not ever phoned me to confirm or to even hear my voice so i emailed him and said could he just call to confirm please and he sent back ..” sorry i have an important matter just came up and didnt have your number ” (lies- he had my number in an email) this was one hour before I would have walked in to a restaurant asking for his table..uuugh.

    Overall though he was not a guy I could have admired for his manners.

    Over time I have also learned a few tips.

    1.CLARIFY ARRANGEMENTS .If the day of the arrangement arrives and they havent confirmed i now text or email a brief message-

    ” could you call me to confirm arrangements please? ”

    This feels much better than waiting in uncertainty.And if they say “I dont know if I will be finished work in time” then sweetly say “I dont want to feel time pressure so lets discuss another option that would feel better”. Then enjoy CDing yourself!

    2. STEP UP and LEAN BACK problems.
    I mention some options if they ask me what i would like to do then ask them” what do you think? ”

    I do not act too flaky lean backed that I cant answer a direct question. I have learned that out girling them and expecting them to be Mister Stepup Knight on a first or second date is unrealistic as they are used to women setting the agenda and being bossy masculine energy it seems. Show a little initiative is ok. Plenty of time to unveil my total Sirenity later after we have got to the meeting stage .

    3.TELL THEM WHAT PLEASES YOU> Men dont know anything about you up front. they dont know what YOU want of them . Its best to keep it light and fun and not be too thinky about it all. But a few gentle guidelines are often gratefully received , eg ” I feel better meeting at the bar” , ” i feel more comfortable not asking you in till i know you a little better “.

    4, CLEAR MESSAGES Men are obtuse at receiving subtle messages often. You need to spell it out clearly
    ” I am enjoying this chat . I feel comfortable with you. I would feel good seeing you again” is ok to say and I wish i had said it a bit more often . i “lost ” a few good men by leaning back so far they didnt ‘get” that i was interested in them.

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 9:12pm

  587. 587: nanceenNo Gravatar says:

    wow, I want to copy and paste that, well said!! I know it but sometimes reading it rearranged brings it all back to me.

    When guys have stood me up (and it has actually been many years) I always thought they were defective, I mean who would make plans and not appear? It seemed absolutely effing weird to me and I always felt sorry for them and anyone else they got involved with. Never ever did it hurt me. They always seemed incredibly immature and boring after that.

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 9:20pm

  588. 588: JillyNo Gravatar says:

    So Rugby Man seems to be everything I’ve ever wanted…except he works away a lot…well…I decided to let this go and just feel happy things feel so good even when he is away…

    well he ended up coming home early from his last contract and so far in the near future he is staying close to home!!! :) yay!!! I can’t believe this!!

    when we first met he had all these contracts in other states and things have just sort of re-aligned themselves and now he is staying closer and only leaving a few days at a time. :)

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 9:22pm

  589. 589: JillyNo Gravatar says:

    nanceen..was it you who was getting married after two weeks? :)

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 9:24pm

  590. 590: SirenityNo Gravatar says:

    Nanceen –
    ” Its like I was a male peacock spreading his tail out. It is a weird feeling to do nothing. It is almost boring. No giddy wild romantic feelings. I actually had a guy say to me once being with me was like being high. At the time I was flattered. Now I see that is not a real connection, that is not a man feeling comfortable and safe with me.

    I only feel completely safe and secure, if I do absolutely nothing.”

    I like this very much ,the image of being a peacock fanning its tail , when HE should be the one doing the mating dance and display –
    I will remind myself not to go fanning my tail so much!

    I am finding not doing anything feels powerless at first but the men seem to appear anyway :)

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 9:25pm

  591. 591: JillyNo Gravatar says:

    Emerson..yay!!! :)

    (((((Turquoise)))) :)

    Goodheart…I will let you know for sure!! :)

    SLV…I feel happy reading that you feel congruent with your words actions and beliefs!!! awesome, and beautiful :)

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 9:31pm

  592. 592: nanceenNo Gravatar says:


    Yes, you hit the nail on the head.

    I have to fight this a lot. Leave my tail feather at home, in fact I should sell that big headress to a men’s clothing shop. It is not meant for me.


    ummm I dont think so unless you remember me a few years back spouting my history and I met my husband he asked to marry me after three weeks. It wasnt healthy despite lasting 18 years. Divorced almost five years ago (my decision, never regretted it)

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 9:32pm

  593. 593: JillyNo Gravatar says:


    I’ve been stood up before…actually in November I think. Then he text me a week later and said he got called out of the country for government stuff….and I believed him lol but now looking back…I doubt it :)

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 9:32pm

  594. 594: JillyNo Gravatar says:

    Nanceen…ok it wasn’t you…but I do remember you being on here awhile ago :)

    maybe it was a Nancy lol

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 9:34pm

  595. 595: nanceenNo Gravatar says:

    I guess when we are not preening and strutting and so insecurely, we appear mysterious and strong..then they get curious and ask questions and you feel kind of powerful….you let them fall in love with you bit by bit if you want it…

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 9:35pm

  596. 596: JillyNo Gravatar says:

    nanceen…awesome car manifesting :)

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 9:36pm

  597. 597: nanceenNo Gravatar says:

    But when I am already attached without them chasing me (and I used to be a champion at doing this all in my head!!) it was a horrible recipe for disaster.

    And impossible to backtrack unless you pull back for at least a year (or that is what I need, maybe more)

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 9:37pm

  598. 598: nanceenNo Gravatar says:


    When they are nuts about you they tell you the second they get held up. They absolutely will not risk losing you if they really want you.

    Dont take it personally. Just say cooly…”I see” and fall silent. Sends a message “I see through your bullshit” Than excuse yourself because you hear another call coming in. he will either go poof or try again with you. Let him get a little persistant before you decide to try again. That happened to me once. I was kind of blown off and got very frosty. He kept trying to take me out and after a few attempts on his part, I finally agreed. I seemed a bit more like a prize and we actually dated for several months.

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 9:45pm

  599. 599: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    it’s hard to believe i’m getting the real deal here — a man (a man that i adore!!) who is there for me and who is taking steps to always be there for me. even though i am flawed and sensitive. it really really is hard to believe. i almost want to prove it to be untrue.

    ohhh i feel wobbly

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 9:53pm

  600. 600: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    ok going up to read everyone’s comments i missed while on my date tonight:)

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 9:55pm

  601. 601: nanceenNo Gravatar says:

    But then again sometimes a nice guy with a mild interest in you will just lose interest. He doesnt want to hurt your feeling so he makes up some dopy excuse. Since you barely know him it is nothing to get upset or hurt over.

    the flip side is us saying “oh its me, not you, I just am not ready for a relationship, it is soon after my divorce, feel like being alone, or I am kind of going with someone, have a hectic schedule (ten loads of laundry to do ) blah blah, when in reality we just are not interested

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 9:57pm

  602. 602: nanceenNo Gravatar says:

    Starla it is even weirder when you dont have to do anything.

    I kind of have that starting here and it seems weird to know that is in his head and he is responsible for his actions and not me.

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 10:00pm

  603. 603: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    one more quick thing

    it’s hard to just sit with the fact that i am getting the real deal here. i want to lean forward to tell him how great it feels. i feel like it will disappear if i don’t! it would feel so great to just lean back and trust and feel relaxed and knowing that i have the real deal and i have nothing to worry about, and yet my first instinct is to overfunction.

    ohhhh i feel so anxious not texting him, now that he left, about how i generally feel. i did already tell him how i feel in person in real time as i felt it. i actually feel afraid that if i don’t lean forward and tell him how i feel so good about the way he treats me and approaches our relationship, that he might change his mind tomorrow or something once he’s had space to think about it. yeah, i actually think that! haha

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 10:04pm

  604. 604: nanceenNo Gravatar says:

    They want to just know it without us gushing.

    We tell them by simply being or what looks to us like doing nothing.

    Being looks like nothing but in reality it speaks volumes to him. It says you are calm and it is safe for him to come forward because you feel so safe and secure within yourself and about you, you dont feel the urge to lean/lunge forward which is another way of grabbing a man. when we do that we are screaming “dont leave!” I truly used to think I was not overfunctioning when gushing or happily mirroring back to him what I felt. Anything that has a twinge of anxiety, I absolutely will not do.

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 10:14pm

  605. 605: nanceenNo Gravatar says:

    Even if he does change his mind, you wont have to rush over to his side of the relationship and pick up your shattered heart or get a broom and sweep up the pieces of your dignity.

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 10:16pm

  606. 606: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    “I am the air they need to breathe”

    thank you for reminding me, ella.

    this is exactly what i needed to be reminded of tonight.

    when i really fall into that thought/feeling that i am the air they need to breathe i just feel high and swimmy off of CF’s love, not anxious and fearful.


    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 10:16pm

  607. 607: SunshineNo Gravatar says:

    I feel angry reading the post. I too am a virgin and honestly im having trouble getting rori. I really feel good about her advice as far a feeling feelings, experiencing things that make you feel good, being intouch with who you are etc. but, there is also things she says that i feel confused by/ unsure of because they come off ambiguous. When I read what the woman was asking of rori i thought that rori was gonna say….” if holding off till marriage is the relationship you want, then stick to what feels best for you however circular date and dont stick to one and also dont commit to one for such a long time.” Im feeling annoyed, I dont get rori at the moment i mean i get that virginity until marriage isnt for everyone but its a great protection from all those experiences such as giving your body away and the man doesnt want anything serious for you. and yeah its like my grandma says if you give him rice for breakfast, rice for lunch, and rice for dinner he wont want rice no more….um sounds reminiscent of a non married relationship to me. I say that for someone who wants an extremist situation of no sex GO AHEAD just find someone who shares that same value. Mental and physical problems really rori? there are women out there who are constantly having sex out there in the world being used not taken seriously and um yeah…they would be considered having issues far greater than the virgin.

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 10:22pm

  608. 608: nanceenNo Gravatar says:

    Jilly if you had cried and nagged him and felt upset, it would of kind of drawn what you did not want. Your peace and good visualizations became real.

    Now somebody visualize me getting help with the termites I discovered in my house. I am trying not be horrified and panic but I want to cry and run away from my home I have been paying for on time for sixteen years. I know, dumb but I feel so overwhelmed and still only work partime sporadically. I feel so grossed out I have termites. Filthy horrible bugs

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 10:24pm

  609. 609: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Sirenity, hey you’re on fire tonight here:)

    “In a similar vein Starla, you seem bright and very good at FMs . I do feel concerned when I read so many negative FMs though. I hope you are just leaving out lots of fun ones. Because i do remember coaches encouraging authenticity but not to drown a man in your negative feelings, not to hang them out all over him.”

    I’m not sure what you’re talking about, but I saw further down that you said you got some of us confused in this post…let me know:)

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 10:24pm

  610. 610: nanceenNo Gravatar says:

    Sunshine the heartache and anxiety you avoid by staying a virgin is well worth it.

    This society screams everyone must be having sex or you are stark raving mad. Everyone is a sexual being but part of that is being allowed to choose how you use it. And not having sex is perfectly normal and natural. I did it. Well not quite but close.
    What happened to me was by my late twenties I was so burnt and hurt and used and fed up and miserable I swore I would not l sleep with a man unless he loved me and was married to me. And guess what, when I stood up for myself, it happened. i met him. He loved me and waited seven months for me. I had a wedding night. It was incredible.

    I sent a nice letter to Rori saying that I disagreed with part of her letter.

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 10:33pm

  611. 611: light heartNo Gravatar says:

    “I felt triggered and defensive that Lilibee wants to confront her ex and tell him he is a bad boy so she can altruistically give him an opportunity to heal…huh?? This triggers me big time! To me it feels like seeking his approval and agreement and trying to convince him he is a bad boy and needs to change .Thus making her RIGHT. So now I am searching in my current situations and digging around to see where I have done the same thing, justifying, convincing , seeking agreement and approval and wanting to be made right.

    I am finding plenty of examples in the past..hopefully not so many just now. I still long to contact two exes and have them tell me they treated me badly and to apologise to me.”

    hmmm, yes, this is interesting. I really believe in no closure, but every situation is different. I would have been great at no closure with my last x, who, btw, I do not want any longer. i hold out no hope for us being together, there is too much conflict/deception; it’s just too much trouble. he doesn’t want to change, has issues, and it’s not too wise to continue a relationship based on some notion of ‘potential’. however…. he does owe me $$, and was trying to skulk away without addressing it, of this there is no doubt. So I decided to hold him accountable, in no uncertain (FM) terms. It felt right to tell him directly what I thought of his crappy selfish behavior. I didn’t want him thinking he could hold it as collateral as a way to keep his foot in the door, and, as I said, I don’t want him back. And hell, yes, I am right, and did not want him to get away with thinking he was fooling me. And yes, maybe he even might learn something from it. I feel good about it, because it feels right.

    light heart

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 10:40pm

  612. 612: nanceenNo Gravatar says:

    Sunshine circular dating feels weird to a lot of people because so many people fall into bed eventually. Years ago circular dating was mostly non sexual and was a good way for people to get to know each other in a safe way. Then some people started saying it was opressive and a moral issue. It never was, it was just a way for peope to protect their hearts. Somehow people have forgotten how sex bonds you with another person and makes you very vulnerable.

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 10:43pm

  613. 613: nanceenNo Gravatar says:


    In your case with the trashy way he treated you, telling him off cant hurt. He probably wont change but tipping him off you are not fooled sounds more like you are sticking up for yourself.

    I like it.

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 10:46pm

  614. 614: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    Just came back from my date with D.

    Yeah, as expected, he called me at 5:30 to say he was back and take me out to dinner.

    I texted the other woman to tell her I was at his house and that she was welcomed to join us…She wrote back that she couldn’t tonight, but if I spent the night she could show up unexpectedly tomorrow morning.
    At 1st I was telling him that I was texting to confirm plans w my friend for tomorrow night.
    But being the ‘feeling’ creature that I am now, I told myself from the start of the date that I would go with my feelings.
    I did not feel good lying, I felt low.
    He said “You must be texting your new lover”.
    I said “No, I’m texting N (other woman)”.

    Now that I can actually be in touch with my feelings, I’m all about being authentic. I can’t play games and lie.

    I went on to tell him how we met by fluke and that I told her everything and she told me everything.
    I said “We felt very tempted to play games with you, but I can’t do it. I have my values, and I can feel proud and hold my head high bc of them. That makes me feel good in my own skin.”

    At one point, I said “I felt love for you when I 1st saw you tonight and during dinner. I do love you, but I don’t feel safe with you. I don’t want to bring myself down by competing with another woman. I feel worthy of a man who honestly wants only me.”

    He said “I can’t say anything, coz you’ll tell her.”
    I replied “Yes I will and she will also, she already told me that you texted her at 6 today to tell her you were back. I already texted her that you called me at 5:30.”

    He said “Well, I guess this is what I needed to put order in my life. Now, the only thing I can do is see neither of you, coz you’ll both know everything. I guess it’s time for me to do alot of thinking. I can’t keep lying forever, it eventually catches up with me and I have to face it.”

    He talked about rejection like FW mentioned last night. he said “You’ll go out and get guys hitting on you, but for a guy, if I go out and just sit there, women won’t come to me, I have to make a move and it’s hard to be rejected.”
    I said “Well, you didn’t get rejected that night, and she still came to see you 3x eventhough she’s not sleeping with you. So now you have proof that you can approach women and be successful.”

    I had FW’s CC quote in my head “don’t be afraid to lose him, be afraid he won’t change.”

    I said “when I heard you said to her you warned me that I might walk in and find a woman in your bed and I shouldn’t be surprised, that felt horrible. I felt like a pile of sh*t in a garbage bag tossed to the curb. She didn’t feel too good either when I told her you told me she was a mistake that shouldn’t have happened and I was the woman of your life.”

    He denied saying those things. But when I looked him in the eye, he looked down and said he was sorry.

    I repeated “I won’t compete for a man. I will move aside and let her have you.”

    Oh, and I brought up that he didn’t want to wear a condom and tried to have s3x with me after.
    He totally denied it very convincingly.
    I said “I feel really uncared for in the worst and most dangerous way, if it is true.

    I never raised my voice. I never felt a tiny hint of anger at all, I rather felt curious and listened to him very attentively for once.
    I finally felt like a mature adult, no longer that little girl throwing tantrums.

    He brought me home, and I feel good. I still feel calm and happy like I expressed yesterday.
    Is that what confidence feels like? I always wanted to feel that! I love that feeling! :)

    I’m goin out with the girlfriends tomorrow. Dinner and then dancing at a 35 years old and over nightclub. Yey! :)
    D can call the other woman and do whatever he wants, I don’t own him and I’m letting him go.
    I’ll be out having fun and taking care of me like I’ve been doing :)

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 10:48pm

  615. 615: light heartNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you very much, Nanceen.

    Yes, it didn’t feel right because of feeling more comfortable with the familiar dysfunctional pattern, it was more like you say, sticking up for myself. I feel like my own hero, actually!

    light heart

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 10:49pm

  616. 616: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    604 nanceen yeah i already offer a lot of delighted happy relaxed appreciative taken care etc. feedback in the moment, in response to all the wonderful things he does and says. so i am officially assigning the idea that if i don’t row the boat to express gratitude when we’re apart, he will somehow change his mind as paranoia. doesn’t even make sense to me now.

    ever since he’s left i’ve been feeling all vulnerable but really grounded and happy, like it’s okay to be me it’s okay to have feelings and get really really sad like a silly goose sometimes, it’s really really really all okay. he’s not acting like it’s okay in order to keep getting something out of me. it’s just actually okay. because I’m Starla, it’s okay with him.

    i’m so glad i learned from Rori how to share my deepest scared feelings without blaming. it took a lot of practice over the last few years but i am really really getting it now. i feel so guilty showing that side of myself to a man who says he wants to have a close relationship with me, i could hardly bear it if i had to deal with the guilty burden of unfairly making him wrong in the process.

    and it seems as though after CF talked to me last month, he just magically stopped being triggered by me when i feel this way. if he doesn’t get triggered then that gives me this space to own my feelings and not get reflexively pushed into a defensive dance.

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 10:52pm

  617. 617: nanceenNo Gravatar says:

    And dont look back

    Dont ever go near him again

    The second you do he will know you did not mean a word of it and he can manipulate you.

    Let the other woman be the dumb one

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 10:55pm

  618. 618: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:


    Hi Lightheart,

    You may very well have something there in your 1st paragraph. That may very well be what I’m after.
    I’ll take a look at that.

    This experience though, has brought me tremendous healing!
    All bc I am not attached to the outcome…just going with the flow and following my feelings, even if it is about me making him wrong and seeking approval…it will still bring me a learning opportunity.

    I have to say though, that it did not feel confrontational.

    Thank you Lightheart for bringing up your trigger. there may very well be something there for me.

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 10:59pm

  619. 619: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    You know, I do feel controlling now that you mention it. The only non controlling thing to do is walk away…but he keeps coming.
    I do keep to my boundaries, no s3x and no kissing on the lips.
    Maybe the no contact speach? and actually follow through with that? Hmmm.

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 11:02pm

  620. 620: SirenityNo Gravatar says:

    611 Light heart . I hear that you feel good expressing your anger at this man in no “uncertain terms” .

    This may feel good and doesnt make him wrong or you right.

    The point is , how are we accepting OUR responsibility for these unhappy situations occurring and how are we not recognising our part in creating it eg, ignoring warning flags or not keeping boundaries intact .

    If we make it all about blasting him and what he did or did not do we give away our power to change and make it better with someone else.


    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 11:09pm

  621. 621: light heartNo Gravatar says:

    Yes, I am truly done. The more distance I get from him, the better and more true perspective of him I have. He’s just not that special. He has a lot of work to do and is not willing to do it. It’s been long enough (a few months), and I saw him one time, and I don’t feel that longing any more. I have been totally accountable for my part in everything, and was even candid and vulnerable about it with him, however he showed no sign of wanting to explore his part in it, only interested in blaming and even punishing, me. So…i believe clueing him in was actually the compassionate thing to do, even if it was ‘blame-y’. I also feel good that my self esteem is intact, because I know, from his history, that how he acted was really not about me, and I am not responsible for his behavior.

    light heart

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 11:09pm

  622. 622: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    CF said last month when he talked to me after our rocky couple of weeks that he would start reacting to me differently when i got triggered and it just occurred to me explicitly that he really really did keep his word on that. i can’t believe it holy cow that’s neat that men actually do that. i didn’t even notice, sigh. kind of like how i never notice that he’s not smoking cigarettes around me since i quit 15 weeks ago, even though he’s a pack a day smoker.

    i think this CF character is really really really into me.

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 11:09pm

  623. 623: PeachesNo Gravatar says:

    @614 LiliBee

    I felt so impressed by you when I read this….I wish I had been that centred and clear with my ex SW….

    Good for you LiliBee..you sound great! :)

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 11:15pm

  624. 624: light heartNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks, Yes, as you may have seen in my last post, I completely saw my part in it and the patterns I was doing. I can move on happily, and cleanly, and with a lot more awareness of what I was doing, and it will definitely be better with someone else, because I will not ignore warning flags and will honor my boundaries. It is significant that i can do this before having another boyfriend. At least there are a few who are interested, and they are being very respectful, and I am being as authentic as I can.

    light heart

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 11:15pm

  625. 625: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    ah, there is that twinge of “i better text him and say something about how great i feel about him, or it won’t be there waiting for me tomorrow” again!


    hello, Twinge:) step into my office. i don’t think CF would appreciate you second-guessing his dedicated hard work in proving his love for me. and you are a committed worker in this organization, and you’ve certainly excelled at your job, so we have no interest in thanklessly laying you off. maybe you would like to relocate to a different department of my brain? your second-guessing nature would make you a great asset in the productivity department of my brain. this organization has Big Ideas all around as well as Important Clients at work, and it would be great to have another layer of defense in your vigilant eye for errors or slip ups that might come out of that department.

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 11:22pm

  626. 626: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    I wonder if Sweetpea is keeping up with the comments.

    Hi, Sweetpea!!

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 11:24pm

  627. 627: light heartNo Gravatar says:

    619 Lilibee

    What do you want?

    Do you want no contact?

    Do you feel that you need to stick up for yourself about something,

    and he knows what he did wrong, but won’t or can’t admit it?

    In the future I’m going to go by the ‘if what’s there isn’t good enough, or you don’t see want you want, then don’t get into the relationship’ rule LOL

    light heart

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 11:29pm

  628. 628: SirenityNo Gravatar says:

    I just manifested some choc coated almonds!

    I have been thinking about wanting some all day but too ill to get dressed and go to the shops.

    My sister just drpped me off a bag of gear in the top was a bag of choc coated almonds …WOW!!!
    How did she know? We never have discussed them ever :)

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 11:36pm

  629. 629: SirenityNo Gravatar says:

    I am going to do a manifesting meditation about the 2 million $$ I wish to see in my bank account :)

    Surely thats not much of a step up from choc almonds?

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 11:39pm

  630. 630: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    #518 Turq

    Maybe the message was there are plenty more fish in the sea?

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 11:43pm

  631. 631: nanceenNo Gravatar says:

    That has happened to me a lot before usually when I did not whine or argue in my head about it and kind of let it go

    One time my sister loaned me a crockpot, and she is all fussy and picky and I used it a couple of times and she suddenly demanded it back. She does that, gets all mad and takes something back, even though she has another one. I used to get upset or at least confront her like “hey you are just doing it because you are pissed.” But this time I just peacefully got it out and gave it to her nicely and let it go to God. And three days later she came by with a real nice one she found in a thrift store and she gave it to me.

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 11:45pm

  632. 632: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    #530 Emerson

    It’s so weird huh? This guy wasn’t hitting on me, but we had a bit of a flirt and a laugh, but he looked SOOOO like LD and I am trying sooo bloody hard to get over this man who is on the back of my horse, maybe he was there as a Messenger to say, get out there and find the lurve you deserve?

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 11:45pm

  633. 633: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    580 Turquoise – ROFL I’m just picturing myself standing in the middle of your yard as your “something Austrialian”! 😀

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 11:46pm

  634. 634: nanceenNo Gravatar says:

    no , that is 20 million you get and give some to all your new best friends on the Rori blog

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 11:47pm

  635. 635: nanceenNo Gravatar says:

    Where is everybody from?

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 11:48pm

  636. 636: SirenityNo Gravatar says:


    You know I felt bad to think of you and N colluding in setting D up and I am glad that didnt happen.

    I dont like to think of strong Siren energy being used in a negative way against a man and so I am glad you took the challenge and were authentic and honest to him in the end.

    Dont waste another moment on him ..he showed his true colors totally . All you needed to know was that he was in contact with BOTH of you , and had a back up option in place… You already knew he was double dealing and he just proved it again. I hope you dont need to to go to round three of proving it to yourself.

    As a cautionary word, if it were me I would be tested for diseases as it is quite likely there were others in the past two years. A leopard does not change its spots and he admits to be being a liar.

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 11:52pm

  637. 637: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    i feel very curious about manifesting my perfect car:) yes i do:)

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 11:53pm

  638. 638: nanceenNo Gravatar says:

    Silver Moonbeam:

    I think the message is:

    There are other fish in the sea that look as good as him and will treat you a million times better, adore you and you will also like better and have no nose hair.

    Last part is a joke

    Or, one woman’s trash is your treasure

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 11:54pm

  639. 639: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    #628 Nancee

    Thank you. 😀

    Plus the nose hair. 😀 😀 😀

    Friday, 16 March 2012 @ 11:58pm

  640. 640: SirenityNo Gravatar says:

    OK 20 mill it is Sirens ..
    I am using a self hypnosis manifesting program taught me by a friend and forgotten for some years.
    In the past it has brought me significant money and my home some years back etc.

    I am amazed at how I “forget” to use it. I was depressed and ill and negative for a long time and couldnt do it . But I just started to use it again lately ..and voila..choc coated almonds and I didnt even consciously do the steps. Its like when i am doing it regularly things manifest automatically, but not the things I focus on, the things that pass through my mind in a relaxed way.

    I am feeling VERY calm and relaxed about 20 mill and a beautiful man by my side :)

    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 12:00am

  641. 641: SirenityNo Gravatar says:

    And I am hoping not to manifest nose hair SM!

    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 12:02am

  642. 642: nanceenNo Gravatar says:

    well all you have to is manifest the nose hair

    I think I need to go to bed. I am getting waaaaaaay tooooooo nutty

    Thank you, its so fun and nice to come back and share with some healing and positive stories of myself.

    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 12:03am

  643. 643: nanceenNo Gravatar says:

    before I go Sirenity what is this technique?

    I have done a lot of visualizations and read that the subconscious picks up the ones that you experience emotionally. In other words you cant just name it and claim it but have to feel it.

    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 12:06am

  644. 644: SirenityNo Gravatar says:

    Nanceen a crock pot and a car is great manifesting..

    I once was so good at making the universe “do”strange things I could bend strong metal spoons like blades of grass after a session of hypnosis ..yes amazing!!

    I forgot all about that ability ..which is even more amazing . I am thinking of resurrecting it to attract $$$ and a cute 0-> :)

    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 12:07am

  645. 645: SirenityNo Gravatar says:

    The technique is self hypnosis and suggestion given when in a meditative state ..then creating strong visualisations or feeling as if it is now , using NLP anchoring and then just letting it go with lots of suggestions delivered along the way. I did a course 10 years ago and had an old CD . It was taught by a powerful Indian healer.

    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 12:10am

  646. 646: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    And I met a really, really nice man through my job the other day, sooo not my “type” shorter than me with a full beard and I know if he was on a dating site I would have thought yuck, so I am now committed to what Rori says to give them all a chance, well maybe not ALL………not at my age where you get old old men senior citizens hitting on you, but forget the height thing for one…….that sound soooo superficial about the height but hey we all have our preferences right? There is nothing wrong with wanting somebody taller than you but in the cold light of day it looks really awful.

    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 12:10am

  647. 647: nanceenNo Gravatar says:

    As far as visualizing the beautiful man, what does a beautiful man do? Do you see him bending over a glass case selecting a ring for you? Do you see him helping around the house, taking you on vacation? Sitting with you in a labor room holding your hand? Having dinnner with you in your home, talking animatedly? Pouring milk in glasses for your children as you relax with a glass of wine? Telling you that you two are a team, a couple?

    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 12:10am

  648. 648: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    #210 Lizka

    I really don’t like the way ATW says “soon” really I don’t. :(

    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 12:13am

  649. 649: nanceenNo Gravatar says:

    Is he a man lots of people like and trust? What is his smile like? Does he love pets?

    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 12:13am

  650. 650: SirenityNo Gravatar says:

    Part of the suggestion is that these things come automatically and effortlessly and that it is not about the technique it is about the positive creative intent. this is why i am so big on focusing on what i want more of .

    This is also why i hate to see Sirens dredging over negative emotions or events as they are likely creating more unconsciously. I certainly have in the past.

    I also learned that trying to “help” people “change” by positive intent does not work.

    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 12:13am

  651. 651: nanceenNo Gravatar says:

    Silver Moonbeam:

    ick is ick whether you are 19 or 54. If you did not like short at 19 you wont like it at 54 or whatever.

    The only thing I can deal with is grey and white hair. Well there is a lot more sag with them but by the time I am that close we aren’t really paying attention to his walrus hide.

    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 12:16am

  652. 652: nanceenNo Gravatar says:


    yes it is like the thinkgyou need fits you and no one else so it comes to you and fits like a puzzle piece thereby creating more harmony in the universe.

    That is why I never coveted someone else’s life, house, man, clothes, money anything, just what was made for me

    But I do think I hogged more than my fair share of men when I was younger. Perhaps there were more to go around or we shared all the fish we threw back in the pond

    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 12:21am

  653. 653: SirenityNo Gravatar says:

    I have been scared to paint in my beautiful mans details Nanceen as I have been very ill over the last couple of years and could only manifest friends . And that was exactly all I intended and all I got.
    I did get money though, and an amazing holiday.

    Now I am healed and free to MANifest i am liking your suggestions..

    He is warm, smiley, loves pets, has grown kids and is big on family. He has a trail of positive relationships and connected people around him. He makes bad jokes and looks deep in my eyes with a twinkle. I feel him better than I see him..comforting , big , strong energy , kind of gentle and considers things a moment before choosing responses. He likes check shirts and rubbing my shoulder :)

    Its strange but i feel I will know that energy when I meet him or when he reveals it to me. I have just started practicing feeling him around .

    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 12:22am

  654. 654: SirenityNo Gravatar says:

    I also found that when I am low energy , sick, depressed etc, I cant actually think of anything to manifest and the intention lacks any “me ” in it.

    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 12:28am

  655. 655: SirenityNo Gravatar says:

    SM ..I am liking the feeling of really really nice man.

    My 5’10” girlfriend met one of those who was a perfect fit for her, but only 5’7″.

    She thanked the universe and married him and they are extraordinarily happy second time rounders.

    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 12:32am

  656. 656: nanceenNo Gravatar says:

    that is perfect, feeling him, smells, just like you stepped in the room with him, actually he does exist and it is cool you feel it…

    I have that too but it is still fuzzy because the man I thought it was never fit…he was in the right location…and other things were great but somehow it was wrong…like for starters I never felt loved by him and to this day my friends dont understand why I did not,..I just didntm I was miserable, plus he did not ask me to live in New York like I want….I am in the process of getting over him….I want someone who in addition to the the physical and warm things I need, who lives in and around New York City and loves what I do there, we visit there or live there….there is a man who just started pursuing me and he is so alive compared to this other man…but like I said I am still getting over the other man (in my heart I still cry and love him) but am willing to give this guy a chance, Did you ever read about the four basic personality types? Sanguine, choleric, meloncholy and phlegmatic? Well I am a melancholy, the ex love was a phlegmatic and the new man is a sanguine which is what I have been dreaming of recently for they type of man I would like in my life. I read that the sanguine is best for a melancholy

    I like the fact you dreamed of just what you needed and could handle. That is great and keeps me grounded. A few years ago I felt frantic to marry and have a ring but not now, I only wanted it because aI felt so insecure and miserable with my ex boyfriend

    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 12:37am

  657. 657: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Goodnight sirens:)

    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 12:37am

  658. 658: nanceenNo Gravatar says:

    scared to marry again, the statistics scare me

    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 12:41am

  659. 659: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    #343 Starla

    {{{ HUGS }}}

    Your mum sounds like a real nasty piece of work, so sorry love. xxx

    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 1:13am

  660. 660: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    #371 Starla

    “Ella, Tony Robbins says if things aren’t feeling good romantically in your life, everything else feels less than too. Don’t beat yourself up.”

    Mmmm very interesting this, maybe this is why I have “no” feelings as such……

    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 1:20am

  661. 661: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    #443 Tiffany

    I am curious about your reference to Australian men, why would they be any different to anybody else?

    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 1:37am

  662. 662: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    RE: #586 – I’m not glad I got stood up. I understand what you were trying to say, but for me it’s not the exception…it’s the rule. It’s far from the first time. Instead, it’s just one more thing that reinforces my jaded belief that I hate dating. It’s just one more reason to say to myself, “See? Just give up on dating!”

    I’m not just sick of crumb-taking and poor treatment. I’m on the verge of washing my hands of it. I saw an ad that this weekend is free on eharmony. Since I already have my profile written, I’m playing with the idea of joining, at least temporarily. But I’m having serious second thoughts.

    I feel fed up with putting forth my valuable time and energy to dating and ending up alone anyway.

    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 1:39am

  663. 663: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    #447 Turquoise

    I am not in a position to comment very much having suffered MUCH MUCH worse abuse than you did.

    I just want to see you and C and the little C’s all happy. Yay for the C family. :)

    People CAN change but only if they want to.

    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 1:39am

  664. 664: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    RE: #573 – I’d love to go out to breakfast with you! :-) Maybe one of these days…it would be cool if Lucy and I planned a trip to your area, or if we met at the shore, or something like that.

    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 1:41am

  665. 665: nanceenNo Gravatar says:

    Here’s a quick little exercise that will open your eyes: write down the qualities you’re looking for in a guy, then write down the qualities of the last four guys you dated. Are they similar? Are you repeating a pattern? Only by expanding your view of what constitutes a worthy date will you finally be able to break the patterns that have been holding you back.

    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 1:42am

  666. 666: nanceenNo Gravatar says:

    Brenda what is your ideal date? What does he do and say that meets your total approval?

    How does he differ from your recent experiences? What does it feel like?

    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 1:46am

  667. 667: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    #470 Brenda

    NO to meeting men at my house, never ever ever until I have gotten to know somebody will they come into my lovenest. :)

    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 1:49am

  668. 668: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    #481 Sirenity

    “Once you get to my age , the men arent so gorgeous and it is a gentler hormonal process overall so its more likely things go the gradual simmer route.”

    One of my sister’s says when men get to “our” age they have mostly lost their looks so we have to rely on personality. :(

    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 1:54am

  669. 669: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    #482 FW

    I so agree which is why I try to keep it pretty superficial.

    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 1:55am

  670. 670: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    RE: #586 – BTW, I copied and pasted that into my archive of all things Rori and Relationships. Thank you very much. You gave some very practical guidelines there.

    I just wish more men knew basic dating etiquette. I glory in watching movies of the past, like Marilyn Monroe and stuff in the 50s, when there was overall a basic protocol to how to treat a lady.

    I think the women’s movement is fantastic, because women were too repressed. But one of the detriments is they are treated far too casually now. It is almost assumed that a woman on a date equals a roll in the hay, as my Mom words it.

    I just marvel at the grace and femininity of Marilyn Monroe. The missing ingredient in society is basic respect and esteem for women.

    I just love movies where a woman is treated like a precious jewel. Deep down inside, I know who I am. I can tell when a man values me. I like that feeling when I’m on a date when a man is almost in awe of what he has found…and he does everything in his power to not let it go.

    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 1:56am

  671. 671: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    #484 HW

    This is so right, the children that can stand up to their mums are the healthy ones, like my own kids who have both turned out great.

    I was tooooo scared to stand up to my b*tch of a mother and I am pretty f*cked up in a lot of ways. :(

    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 1:56am

  672. 672: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    RE: #585 – “Brenda these guys are so not worthy of you..”

    Thank you! I’m just glad I had a back-up plan and was able to go out myself. I would have felt really awful if I just had to sit at home. Because I am used to going out alone, and altho I had been excited for a date, it felt good to be out, and I had a nice salad bar with broccoli, mashed potatoes, and sugar snap peas.

    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 1:58am

  673. 673: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    RE: #667 – Good for you! It pretty much means one thing, doesn’t it? The more I thought about it, the more I thot this guy is just into sex.

    Do you have any good feeling messages for that to add to the ones already given me?

    I guess the reason I wasn’t initially feeling a warning signal to that is because most of my dates with Ryan were at my house in 2009. He was the exception – he didn’t do it to have sex with me. He just had a low budget and did it how it was practical to him. I guess I was missing the intimacy of cuddling and pillow talk with Ryan, some of the most beautiful moments of my life.

    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 2:01am

  674. 674: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    #494 Nanceen

    I love this post of yours, thank you.

    Dignity has been sadly lacking in my life at times. :(

    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 2:06am

  675. 675: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    RE: #666 – “Brenda what is your ideal date? What does he do and say that meets your total approval?

    How does he differ from your recent experiences? What does it feel like?”

    I like these questions! Thank you! My ideal date picks me up at my house, not to come in, but to respectfully pick me up. He hands me a beautiful bouquet of flowers, and he greets me with a smile and a hug.

    He takes me to a fancy restaurant, and he rushes to open the door and pull out the chair for me. We have drinks, appetizers, a nice entree, and dessert, with candle light and cloth napkins. All the while, his attention is focused on me, and we share deep, interesting conversation.

    He asks me if I’d like to go to a play. I eagerly agree, and we enjoy lots of smiles and eye contact throughout the performance. Afterwards, we sit at a late night diner over hot tea to discuss the play.

    He listens intently, and when he speaks, his words are rich and meaningful, revealing his beliefs, thoughts, and perhaps a few feelings. He speaks slowly, so I can easily interact. Our conversation is two way.

    I feel respected and cherished. I feel happy and excited.

    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 2:08am

  676. 676: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    #673 Brenda

    I am rubbish at FM’s LOL!

    I just don’t want any old anybody coming into my home and sacred space. They are just strangers until you get to know them.

    I may be old fashioned (probably why I am here on the RR blog :) ) but this is why I just can’t get my head around one night stands, sex with a stranger? I just don’t get it…….

    I do believe men on dating sites are sooo used to women initiating sex with them and leaning FORWARD big time that they are flummoxed by we Sirens. :)

    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 2:12am

  677. 677: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    #501 Turquoise

    I am so happy you are staying on the blog. :)

    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 2:14am

  678. 678: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    RE: #665 – I have had few dates since Ryan, nothing note worthy. There was one man and one man only who wined me and dined me. But he was not attractive to me. His manners were impeccable, but he was virtually silent at a restaurant. I saw him as shallow, even tho I appreciated his gentlemanly treatment.

    It’s hard to say if I’m repeating a pattern because of being so hyper-focused on Ryan the past three years. All in all, I would say no, I am NOT repeating a pattern. All of my studies at Rori Raye University have been for the purpose of breaking my old patterns and developing healthier relationships from a healthier heart.

    But every single time I try internet dating, I feel sharply disappointed to the point of disgust. Also, I am still healing inside, and over and over I conclude that maybe I just need to set aside dating for a while as I continue to grow healthier inside.

    Like Rori told me, I will have a much different vibe in dating if I can get even just 50 lbs off. My challenge is to get to the point emotionally where I can sustain long term eating right and exercise. As soon as I get upset, I binge, like I did tonight. I had a wonderful healthy dinner and then got cupcakes on the way home.

    The ideal date I described has been like a far away dream, for the most part. I used to think it was a normal ideal for a date. My Mom used to describe to me her dates of dressing up, going out to eat, and dancing with her beautiful dresses and heels! I have hardly ever had dates.

    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 2:16am

  679. 679: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    #536 Emerson

    Did you call Recycled? I seem to have missed that post, oh do tell!! Or point me to your post I soo want to find out what happened!!

    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 2:21am

  680. 680: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    RE: #574 – Thank you! What I am finding is that most of the time men will make a general date, “How about Friday?” Then they don’t solidify it until just before the meeting time.

    I was trying to just make plans all week, interacting with my other CDs. In this case, he didn’t contact me until 4:30. I considered it under the wire. But then when he was just emailing, not calling, and trying to set it up for my house, yuck.

    I feel one step closer toward being smoother in planning. Rori says we can either say yes or no. Still not sure what to say when, but I will process this some more for next time.

    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 2:23am

  681. 681: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    Hi ladies. There are plenty of good guys out there (I dated a few last year!) but they won’t appear in your life till you’re ready for them. And while you truly believe that they’re all looking for a good time (whether consciously or subconsciously) then they’re the only types you’ll attract.

    Once you change your beliefs around this then you will gradually begin to attract better quality men.

    Now don’t get me wrong – I agree that most (if not all) think with their d*cks, but if he truly values you and can see that you truly 100% value yourself then he’ll be more than prepared to work for you.

    I met some absolute gems last year and while I wasn’t attracted to them (except one or two), they were gentlemen and they treated me right.

    Even though I’m now with TH, I still have a couple who are insisting on catching up for a drink. And I know they won’t try anything – they know they’ll be turned down anyway!


    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 2:23am

  682. 682: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    RE: #676 – “I do believe men on dating sites are sooo used to women initiating sex with them and leaning FORWARD big time that they are flummoxed by we Sirens. :)”

    LOL, I love this sentence! Yes, I agree. I don’t get it either, because it is empty to make love when love’s not really there with a stranger. And again, I think it is today’s society that has brewed that level of functioning like rabbits.

    I’m a higher lifeform, thank you very much, and I want to be wined and dined while we talk about ideas, philosophies, and beliefs…liberally sprinkled with feelings! 😆

    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 2:26am

  683. 683: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    I have made it an intentional practice to treat my dogs and cats with high esteem, like they are royal pets. I find as I do this, I treat myself better and better, thereby being aware of being treated better and better by other people, and men in particular.

    I think I am pretty much decided I will go back to meeting men in public, organically. I may still mess around with my profiles. But it’s looking bleak online. I have wasted so much time with online dating over the years.

    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 2:33am

  684. 684: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Ladies, I am not sure I can ake credit for the shimmery magnetic tool thingy… I just kinda blended some of Rori’s tools together.


    Glad you find it useful though.


    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 2:38am

  685. 685: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Butterfly Wings!

    Yes, this is true. Well I think visualizing our ideal date and ideal man is the way to shift this belief and to attract those men who respect women. I also think it is key what you said about being ready for the right man. I don’t feel ready.

    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 2:41am

  686. 686: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Hehe, I feel happy to be up with all the British and Aussie ladies! I should be in bed tho, LOL! It’s 5:45 am here!

    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 2:43am

  687. 687: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Here is a powerful, simple, 4 minute video from Marianne Williamson on



    Very unique and striking!

    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 2:48am

  688. 688: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    #675 Brenda

    I love you ideal date, sigh…………..dreamy dreams……

    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 2:53am

  689. 689: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    #678 Brenda

    Did you get the Medifast (??) yet? I think you were going to get some with your paycheck?

    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 2:55am

  690. 690: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    #687 Brenda

    That was truly beautiful.

    “We will light up like lamps, and the world will never be the same again.”

    I LOVE LOVE LOVE Marianne Williamson.

    BTW it is 10.08am here in the UK and drizzling in my part of the world.

    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 3:09am

  691. 691: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    RE: #689 – The bills were high, so I did an in between thing to have the same effect: I bought a bunch of Atkins shakes and bars on sale at WalMart! They are virtually the same thing, high protein nutrition to keep blood sugar level.

    Medifast costs an average of $2.20 USD per serving.
    Atkins costs an average of $0.90 USD per serving.

    So the plan is to eat 4 servings of shakes or bars per day and two meals of “lean and green” – vegetables and meat.

    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 3:12am

  692. 692: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    Yes, I love Marianne Williamson, too. I want to give birth to what is in my heart. I can do something great. I don’t want to be held back any longer by the past.

    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 3:14am

  693. 693: SirenityNo Gravatar says:

    Thinking about combining Sirenity and modern casual dating manners.

    Aside…I just let my big dog on my bed cause I feel so sick ! he is 10 years old and never slept on my bed but is very comforting to have on my feet.

    Yes well I have decided that for me being a total Siren with new dates means settling them at ease and not expecting them to instantly KNOW that I want them to be step up guys who have strong masculine energy. This can be conveyed gradually by feeling messages over a couple of dates and they will either disappear or step up.

    And male dating advisers seem to be big on teaching the guys to come on strong and masculine up front but to then not look needy or over interested and to let the girl come to them (that sounds like leaning back to me !!! )

    Where I have gone wrong a couple of times is expecting men to keep pursuing without giving them enough incentive, ie positive feedback. Maybe I needed to tell them how much I loved their rowing style or something.

    I havent worked this one out,how to show them I want more without texting , calling or initiating. I have THREE men right now I could easily contact and talk to about another meeting . They all made significant efforts to come to me and date recently. They are all respectful. i have known them all for some years. I want to go to the city on weekends and see them , but I would have to let them know I was around and happy to catch up ..naughty Siren !!

    I am hanging back and it is not working as these friendships have stagnated and I believe they want encouragement and they are USED TO women chasing them.

    Rather than being enslaved to my Sirenity however they seem to think I have no romantic interest in them.

    Any clues anyone?

    Things are VERY different from when i was a young woman dating and the men

    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 3:25am

  694. 694: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Lilibee no kissing on the lips sounds like keeping your heart closed.

    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 3:29am

  695. 695: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    its either moving forward or staying still so shutting down wont keep it locked down…

    warm and open

    or not available

    but not: available but shut down

    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 3:30am

  696. 696: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Brenda I keep feeling concerned when I read about how you think and what you feel about men on dating sites and dating itself. That negative energy must be in your aura and spill out somehow in your words. I feel concerned that things that happen are the way they are because of this. I would work on changing this and changing the sites, yes eharmony might be a good choice, just to test if nothing else to see if it is me. When I think of you I think of Job who spoke about attracting the thing he feared the most into his life.

    There are all kinds of people out there. Rori talks about your man picker being off. Also with practice we can realign ourselves. The more weights a person lifts the more chiseled the muscle becomes. I was stood up the first date I had from a site and I allowed it wash off like water from a ducks back. He kept trying to reconnect but my attitude was no dude. No anger, no regrets just shrug. Recently I had another one texting texting hard to set up a date. Then he suggested something about passionate loving and I let him know that with strangers I take my time getting to know them. He just poofed and the date was the next day all set up. I didn’t give it a second thought. Just noticed that he didn’t call back. He still has me on his favorites list lol.

    My experience is that men don’t have an easy time finding a good woman and knowing that I am one I allow them to flutter around me now and be who they are. No sweat.

    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 3:39am

  697. 697: DariaNo Gravatar says:


    virginity until marriage isnt for everyone but its a great protection from all those experiences such as giving your body away and the man doesnt want anything serious for you.

    ~~ protection isnt always the way to go… theres growth in the experiences of sex. its not about “giving your body away” but it can be about “receiving pleasure” “experiencing intimacy” .

    the underlying beliefs about what sex is and what power a woman has, affects how this is seen…

    “if you give him rice for breakfast, rice for lunch, and rice for dinner he wont want rice no more”

    a common, sad and hearbreaking belief that focuses on men as wanting sex rather than on men wanting to get close to women’s hearts

    i bet if we said “if u give him appreciation for bkfsat, for lunch, and for dinner… he wont want appreciation no more” it won’t make sense anymore ….

    “there are women out there who are constantly having sex out there in the world being used not taken seriously and um yeah…they would be considered having issues far greater than the virgin”

    not necessarily… these women are out there experimenting, finding their boundaries and also experiencing life… being open is messy… as is being authentic…

    holding on tight and being closed may not be considered having issues in a society where people are chronically and commonly unsatisfied in relationships – and thats another subtlety of how its easy to justify being closed and rigid as “right”, “justified” , “safer” , “better”

    its not. those people will have to do the work the messy ladies might be doing later on, to be able to experience deep intimacy

    they may look proper but they may not be open. they may have huge fears and hangups in opening up… and the healing of the judgements they project upon those women they do see as open, are the judgemetns they make on that part of themselves…

    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 3:46am

  698. 698: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    the heartache and anxiety i wouldve avoided by staying a virgin is NOT something i would give up

    i treasure those moments

    no heartache and anxiety is worth NOT experiencing that

    heartache and anxiety is not going to scare me from opening up and allowing myself freedom and my sexuality

    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 3:50am

  699. 699: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Lilibee I feel a little conflicted reading your comments but relieved that things didn’t pan out the way you originally planned it. I have read Rori wrote about a man who just has to cheat. I have met some who seem that they just had to lie. I actually asked one once if he was not tired of lying and he rapidly said nope. You know people in growing up have had experience that taught them how to survive in the world. It might not be ideal but that is the best way they know how. I believe he has shown his true colors. It might be good to just let him go now. I am not sure what good dating him will do at this point taking into consideration the pace that you are at in your life. It seems to like keeping him around is like keeping a bandaid over a sore that is raw and while the band aid is there it will stay raw. Therapy might help him if he wants to choose that route but I am not sure that at this point any woman can. Obviously he is physically attracted to you because he chose a duplicate to cheat with. However I would assume that he is not feeling the gut forever feeling that he needs to feel to commit. Staying around him might help you to practice being in a way that triggers that forever feeling in a man but I am not sure I would choose to do this with him. I would take this as his message to me, work on myself to be able to trigger the forever feeling in a man and move on. I suspect you would have felt repulsed if he had kissed you and he would have felt that. I am not convinced you need to practice here right now. You are doing so well otherwise and other men will be able to help you find out if you are jaded by this experience.

    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 3:50am

  700. 700: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    UGH u know what?

    actually while im debating all this

    the truth is i just feel mad

    i feel implicitly judged by these posts

    liek really?

    oh being a virgin is so great? no its not

    thats such total bullshit and i feel SO upset by this


    women thinking they have to be a virgin to be good

    and to be safe


    and now in the habit of judging myself and other humans because of it

    and it hurts

    and i hate it

    and i feel so mad about it

    and i feel expectant to not be heard and debated with and trigger ppl to say oh i blabh blabh smile disagree and i

    urgh it feels so hair ripping mad

    that women arent owning their sexual power

    that im not owning MY SEXUAL POWER

    i love me

    i really love me down deep and i wanna speak out

    how these views – just the WORDS AND WORLDVIEW that comes across from

    “giving away my body”

    avoiding heartache and anxiety by staying a virgin


    to my WOMEN POWER

    i rebel

    i dont want to be judged anymore

    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 3:54am

  701. 701: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    feel good lying, I felt low.
    He said “You must be texting your new lover”.
    I said : “oh that feels weird hearing that”

    Now that I can actually be in touch with my feelings, I’m all about being authentic. I can’t play games and lie.

    I went on to : be silent.

    I said “We felt very tempted to play games with you, but I don’t want to, I would feel bad about myself.”

    At one point, I said “I felt love for you when I 1st saw you tonight and during dinner. I do love you, but I don’t feel safe with you. I don’t want to bring myself down by competing with another woman. I feel worthy of a man who honestly wants only me.”

    He said “I can’t say anything, coz you’ll tell her.”

    I replied “that feels icky and awful to hear. i dont want to hear about another woman. actualy i don’t want to hang out anymore right now can you please leave thanks”

    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 4:01am

  702. 702: DariaNo Gravatar says:


    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 4:02am

  703. 703: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    #696 FW

    I think I am giving off low energy vibes too, though I am not in the slightest bit bothered if men respond to me or not as I haven’t been really interested in one so far.

    One (42) just wrote and said “Why oh Why?” I just wrote back “Indeed.” I falter and stumble at what to write back to these men.

    Of course I could go back to my old wise a$$ ways where I was never at a loss for words, never, but I am trying to learn from you Sirens here.

    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 4:11am

  704. 704: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    #693 Sirenity

    I would be very interested to hear of your “experiments” with these men and how you show interest without appearing to lean forward.

    The girls on here have talked about gushing, but I don’t remember if that is when you are into a relationship or first date stuff.

    I have a REALLY REALLY hard time remembering all this Siren stuff, I don’t know why, but I just don’t “get” it half the time, it’s like my brain is wired the wrong way or something. :(

    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 4:15am

  705. 705: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    #691 Brenda

    Well good for you finding a way that works for you at a price you can afford, one thing I did learn is that spinach and kale REALLY help with the poop, that and drinking LOTS of water and I mean so much that your pee is almost clear.

    I can feel it in my bones that you are on the path to happy ever after. :)

    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 4:19am

  706. 706: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    #658 Nanceen

    When you meet your New York dream man statistics won’t bother you one jot!!

    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 4:24am

  707. 707: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Silver Moonbeam you wise ar!se personality is part of you. So don’t push her aside or deny her her expression. I would write what naturally comes to me first, then I would look at it will putting my attention into my body and then translate it into feelng messages. Even if it seem corny or doesn’t make sense to you. Something like that maybe I would say “I feel speechless” or confused. Or maybe just hhhhhhhhhhmmmmmm. I have been in relation with men who choose hhhmm when they don’t know what to say so I have copied. I have also seen Rori suggest that kind of thing in a email. Also I dunno. Say I don’t know what to say is always okay so I choose when I remember “I feel speechless”.

    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 4:31am

  708. 708: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    #499 Ella

    “And these days when I get it I consciously practice imagining a STRONG pulse of super attractive, shimmery, magentic energy pulsing out of me at that moment.

    I AM THE AIR THAT THEY NEED TO BREATH and they are super lucky to be near me.

    And I imagine anyone standing near me gets submerged in a a warm, shimmery, inviting glow… and it feels good. ”

    I love this, it reminds me of fairy dust, glitter, rainbows and spring sunshine.

    I wish I could just remember all these tools the same way as I can remember SO MUCH in my life, I have a really good memory, but this Siren stuff just eludes me…….

    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 4:32am

  709. 709: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you Rori! I really get it reading that about exploring some of the blissful feelings too in that moment where im notcing anger! i feel excited to try this!!

    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 4:35am

  710. 710: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Silver Moonbeam maybe there is something in you that resists it because it doesn ‘t make sense or it is not what you are used to doing because for years you were more focussed on protecting yourself. If you have a cell phone you could even put it as a draft to someone in text and save it. Print and put in on the dash board of your car or on the mirror in your bathroom. Ask yourself what can you do to remember just one? And each day add another one. Keep going back to the first one until it sinks in.

    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 4:40am

  711. 711: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Sirenity – thank you for … im not sure … for not blaming me and speaking for me in a way? feels confusing what im thanking you for exactly and what feels good reading your post

    i am skipping the comments about me from certain people that i feel afraid are attacking and judging me… i feel all squeezed in my heart and low spine when i start reading some of them…

    and when i read your comments where I’m mentioned i feel safe and seen and honored thank u it feels like a relief and like a wingbrush on my heart and face

    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 4:52am

  712. 712: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Sirenity – i feel really excited to hear about the powerful Indian healer, bending spoons hypnosis. i feel SOOOOOO interested (and a bit desperate) to find out this healers’ name and info on the tape if u can find/remember it…

    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 5:00am

  713. 713: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    #592 Nanceen

    “I have to fight this a lot. Leave my tail feather at home, in fact I should sell that big headress to a men’s clothing shop. It is not meant for me.”

    I can really relate to this, acting like the (male) peacock, showing off with my sparkling wit and talking too damn much. :(

    Sorry my comments are all over the place, I missed a huge chunk in the middle of the blog somehow, I am loving the posts between Sirenity, Nancee and Turq. Great stuff!!

    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 5:00am

  714. 714: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    ouch i feel pain in my heart and like crying when i am reading nanceen talking about “rants”

    it feels awful and like the girls who dont like me in school are whispering and talking about me as i walk by

    and i feel sad cuz i ahve been so patiently looking for one of nanceen”s posts to say how much i felt inspired by it tonite – it was the ones about just going on tons of first dates, getting blase, and having the husband show up –

    and then i felt stabbed

    in my hear and scrunchy face

    i feel squeezed in my nani too


    what else do i feel?

    also calmness

    i feel calm feleing sad and betrayed

    its a familiar feeling for me

    its a very common default feeling

    i think i feel it almost everyday around my family


    i want to heal this

    ouch my liver feels squeezy, and now my ovary on the left…

    i love my liver and my ovary

    hehe it feels fun to think about my liver


    practicing looking at the good feelings too here

    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 5:07am

  715. 715: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    “524: Nanceen says:


    I think Rori talked about a woman that dated so many men that she never had a second date with she became ultra carefree and blase (spelling?) and it actually became a heady experience to date so many and then suddenly that one guy appeared that wanted to cross the bridge into total committment and marriage with her.

    All these one or two date wonders are just one step closer to the real thing”

    ive been feeling sad and scared and beating myself up around this for weeks. i feel so glad to have read this and feel totally inspired

    totally blaze

    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 5:09am

  716. 716: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i can even Talk to the men about how im not realy having a lot of second dates – i felt embarassed about this !

    and now i realize ok GOOD


    i can just feel totally relaxed, just meeting men practicing that date and not expecting a second date

    even though i can tell the men so like me!

    ohhh love to me

    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 5:10am

  717. 717: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Brenda that you for that video. The way I see Rori in relation to a woman’s worth is that she is sharing her experience and is saying that during those times she did not really recognize her worth. That is way she did things back then because of that but we don’t have to do it that way. When she recognized her worth she held herself high. Not every man gets to touch the prize it is too valuable. So I take it that there is no need for me as a woman to go sleeping with every man who wants to sleep with me. I don’t have to allow every man who wants to touch me touch me. Something that is really worthwhile and valuable is not available to the masses for pawing. Some of us take a longer time to get to that place but when we do a good man recognizes it and want to knock himself out to get to you. If you value no sex outside of marriage you will attract a man who values the same thing. Deep down a good man doesn’t want his woman/his soulmate sleeping with every Tom, Dick and Harry before he finds her. Talk to men they will tell you. They are flattered by a woman who keeps herself special for him. We all don’t need to take the path of experiencing everything first hand we can learn from others experience.

    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 5:10am

  718. 718: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Correction “Brenda thank you for that video”.

    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 5:11am

  719. 719: DariaNo Gravatar says:


    i dont want to be the left out one,

    i feel powerless and shaky

    i feel squeezed at where my butt got hit

    i love me

    i also feel quiet and calm and soft

    i feel mellow and relaxed

    i feel sleepy

    i feel tight in my tummy and warm on my ears

    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 5:12am

  720. 720: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:


    I have been stood up too, he was in the US Army based near to where I lived in Australia, I mean literally 1/2 hour drive away, all these excuses of why we couldn’t meet what with his important missions lol – then next thing he was going to be in England (this was during my last move between countries), he was so full of BS excuses I “made” him send me an email from his official army address (he did too) as I was convinced he was a scammer.

    He was phoning me from the “war zones” lol, then I did the very un Sireny thing of getting really pi$$ed off and gave it to him straight from the hip in one of my very wordy scathing emails that I do so well, when I am in the mood. 😀

    I told him he was probably a bored married man sitting in his den whilst wifey was cooking his hot dogs at the stove not some bloody secret agent 007. 😀

    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 5:13am

  721. 721: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    LOL I am sooo laughing at my post above about James the US very important army man, he really had me convinced for a while too. I had forgotten all this, it was Jilly’s email about the man who stood her up because he was sent out of the country on government stuff. :)

    James whilst in Australia also managed to get sent over to Baghdad on some talks for the government what with him working out of the White House. 😀

    But I tell you, man he was good with his BS stories even down to knowing so much about the area around the Aussie base, etc., probably aided and abetted by Google. 😉


    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 5:18am

  722. 722: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    I don’t value no sex outside of marriage and I don’t want a man who values that as I think he would have sex issues as per Rori’s post.

    Even though a part of me is clearly screaming to me that those are the GOOD people that are calm and stable and can have good relationships (unlike me) and that seems so logical and the truth right now and so aligned to the worldview of the ‘virgin’ ppl that has been esposed here in argument – and i KNOW its true and it feels SO sure that its true even though i know its not. ive been taking it as reality for a long time

    and i feel FURIOUS that ok i also feel horrified and like i got impaled with a giant javelin to read about men not wanting the woman to have slept with so and so

    it feels so /HORRIFIC because i know a part of me believs that

    and i KNOW the truth is a man will WORSHIP me and it matters not at alla nd is none of another being’s business how i express my sexuality and that it doesnt matter if i man doesnt like or want me to do it a certain way and i feel pulled off my bridge considering it

    and i want to heal this and ib feel tight in my pussy and desperate

    and also i feel EXCITED to be looking at this and noticing

    and excited and greatful for the reminder – thank you Serenity – that the triggers where i most get mad and want to argue is about me holding those beliefs for real and im ACTUALLY seeing htem

    wow and that feels exciting and i KNOw im healing and /That feels exciting too

    and now i feel curiou sand now i feel scared and now i feel glad to notice i have my reassure myself tool

    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 5:24am

  723. 723: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    I do value commitment and honesty in marriage and sexual exclusivity in marriage.

    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 5:25am

  724. 724: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    I am really feeling both nauseasted and super uplifted and excited about thsi idea of geting really blaze about a bunch of first dates and thats it, which has been my experience lately.

    mmmm i feel excited to no longer Expect second dates…

    i just expect to meet a man

    thats it!

    and practice my siren tools

    and theres no need for me to push try or make sure to get a proper time for a second date

    adn if he poofs early – ive been asking myself, what ma i doing to make them poof? how am i not encouraging them? –

    instead i can say yay!

    but what if i AM doing something to push men away?


    that feels kinda bad….

    waht if i just keep practicing the tools…

    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 5:29am

  725. 725: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    this guy said im one of the prettiest girls on the website in my area

    and guys are really really jockin me on that site

    it feels amazing

    i feel superstar status

    i feel confidence boosted to sing dance and allow myself to take action to be more seen!

    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 5:32am

  726. 726: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Ive been stood up HELLA times in the past couple months. like over 10 times

    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 5:33am

  727. 727: MemuloNo Gravatar says:


    I feel that I was away from the blog for so long and I missed you all 😉 With my family visit I have so many things to do!

    Had a date with SmartCD on Thursday night and it was wonderful and he was wonderful and I told him that. He kept on saying how much he couldn’t wait to see me, but he was still coughing and didn’t think I would be interested in going out while he is not well. Silly-) He took me to dinner and we were talking a lot, and he was saying how much he missed me, and was touching my face in the restaurant and I felt that everyone was looking at us, and felt a bit embarrassed, so he said he would stop, though I look even better embarrassed;) Then he wanted to play piano for me and I told him that I would love that, but I don’t want any intimacy that night because I like to spend the whole night with him when this happens and we can’t do it while my family is in town. He agreed but said that in that case we should maintain distance, so I have to sit on a couch while he is playing for me LOL. We had a great time and he only asked once if he should believe my words that I don’t want anything or my affection and I said the words, so he said sure 😉 I only spent about an hour there and I love how he always walks downstairs with me after I told him on my very first 10-min visit that it would make me feel good to be escorted to the street.

    He was saying how much my chicken soup visit meant to him and that no one ever read to him before and asked what he needs to do to get me to read to him again-) i thought he liked the book!! but he liked the sound of my voice errrr

    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 5:37am

  728. 728: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:


    You have grown so much as a Super Siren. I think you are amazing the way you handled D.

    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 5:37am

  729. 729: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    I wonder if it is true that when people with small children get divorced fathers can only hope for visitations every other weekend and a couple of hours during a week.. Even if they completely support their ex’s, pay rent, food, vacation, her lawyer and even a nanny though she works less than one day a week!

    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 5:43am

  730. 730: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Welcome back Memulo. Your vibe feels so good.

    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 5:43am

  731. 731: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you FW 😉 I can hardly take a credit for it though, I was just very lucky to meet a great guy!

    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 5:44am

  732. 732: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Memulo don’t get into his business. That is a very wrong move.

    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 5:45am

  733. 733: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Oh no he was lucky to meet a great girl who brings out the best in him.

    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 5:46am

  734. 734: MemuloNo Gravatar says:


    I read your recent comments and one thing stroke me – I feel like sharing and hope you won’t mind?

    A guy said that you are the prettiest girl in the area and I am sure about that, you look so beautiful in your picture. Just when I read that i thought – interesting, I don’t even pay much attention to these compliments because I know I am pretty. The same way if someone makes a negative comment about my appearance I don’t pay attention to that either. I know better than anyone else my good and bad features, so I feel that my opinion on it is formed and others can’t add too much to it.

    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 5:53am

  735. 735: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    I felt so angry and jealous on Sunday night. After I dropped her off, I just felt sad, and I could feel myself closing myself off from you. Now, I feel confused. I feel scared. I feel abandoned. I always feel like you want me to do or say something, but I never know what to do or say, so I just freeze up or runaway. Freezing up feels tight and painful and it hurts. Running away feels cowardly. I feel untouched. I feel conflicted. I feel scared of losing you. I feel confused. I don’t know what to say or what to do or how to feel.

    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 6:16am

  736. 736: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    I think next time if he asks if he can take a few mins to share his troubles I will say that I feel supportive of him and want to help by listening, though I feel sure that he is so smart, he will find the best solution for him and his son.. and as I already expressed in the past, I don’t feel like talking much about his ex, only if he really needs to share, but I know he wouldn’t make me do it otherwise.

    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 6:28am

  737. 737: SirenityNo Gravatar says:

    Daria , Thank you for speaking your truth so truthfully , if not always quietly .

    Whilst many of us get triggered some of the time, I for one appreciate your unfailingly real voice here.

    I also appreciate that you come back on here after lots of us made negative comments and you put it behind you and contribute positively to the blog.

    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 6:45am

  738. 738: light heartNo Gravatar says:


    Yes I know what you mean by the dilemma of how to show them you are open and interested without leaning forward.

    My own experience has shown me that a man can sense when I am into him, or not, whether they are conscious of it or not.

    Since I would rather be by myself than ‘hang out’ with people who I don’t feel aligned with, I don’t worry about it too much. I don’t need to be miss popularity. If I am not interested, I naturally just don’t think about them, and they don’t catch a vibe. If I am interested in them, then I do think about them, and they will catch a vibe.

    That’s why I believe it is important not to get hung up on any one man who is not ‘in front of you’,
    the way he should be acting if he is sincere about relationship with you, thinking about him and hoping for something that isn’t there, because it blocks up the channels…..

    so i be much more careful now where I am investing my energy, so as not to have major setbacks and complicate my life, this requires determination and persistence and patience with yourself, especially if you have bonded with them

    what do you think?

    light heart

    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 6:54am

  739. 739: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Hi ladies!

    I had a pretty good evening at my friend’s birthday. I didn’t stayed too late as I was super tired and my father is coming over this morning, we gonna paint my kitchen and my bathroom.

    It was fun, I was with a guy friend who I haven’t see for a long time and S was there. He has a new girl friend but I didn’t feel jealous at all.

    I had the prettiest dress that’s for sure. I went shopping after work and I bought a very cute pink dress, but also a pink jacket, a spring coat, a pair of pants for work, a necklass and sunglasses. I am very happy to have some new clothes for spring. Can’t wait to wear them!

    ATW texted me by 11.30 to tell me he was going to bed. I think I FINALLY acted sireny and told him about how fun my party felt and I sent him a picture of me, my glass of wine and my nice pink dress. :) He said “Have fun beautiful”. That’s the first time he calls me “beautiful”. That’s way better than the pet name that he calls me and that I hate and that he also calls all his female friends!

    I know he told me today and tomorrow he had plan so I believe I’m not going to see him this weekend. It’s ok. I’m painting today and tomorrow I have to run and clean my house. And maybe will have invitation for tonight, who knows? Lately a lot of people have invite me for parties and I feel so happy of it! I really feel like I am MY age finally and it feels really good. ModelCD went to a rave party last night so I am not expecting a call for tonight though…

    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 6:56am

  740. 740: light heartNo Gravatar says:

    733 FW
    “Oh no he was lucky to meet a great girl who brings out the best in him.”

    Yes! this is what I really want to do, bring out the best in my special man! and him in me, without really ‘needing’ that, if that makes any sense. Like, not waiting around for a man to be there to motivate me to do certain things or be certain ways. When the conditions are right for that alchemy, it will happen, but I do know that sometimes you cannot get water from an empty well or from a stone,
    and like they say in poker, you gotta know when to hold em, fold, em, walk away….

    light heart

    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 6:59am

  741. 741: JillyNo Gravatar says:

    Starla @603 I think you have the read deal too! :) and it feels great to hear you work through your NV’s and then how you take care of yourself.

    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 7:19am

  742. 742: SirenityNo Gravatar says:

    Light Heart I am working on getting to know people better who i am not immediately so “in to”. This means I need to stay open and available to these people who are essentially single men friends in their 50’s as am I.

    Naturally I dont spend much time thinking of them and certainly NIL time obsessing over them. I dont think they would be getting any energetic vibes from me at all :)

    I would love to feel hot for a new man again! I would love to have the problem of keeping my mind off him!

    But I also know how hard it is to free yourself from addictive thought patterns over a man you have been attached deeply to.

    This is the only good reason to avoid having early sex with a man but conversely being a virgin doesnt guarantee you wont be energetically connected to a man and just as likely to be hurt!

    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 7:20am

  743. 743: JillyNo Gravatar says:

    So I was at this seminar yesterday and there were all these drawings to win but you had to fill out a piece of paper that said “What area do you need help in?”

    body image

    and I could NOT check ANY of them!!! what?? lol that’s right I feel happy and confident and I have it going on!!

    Then the question “What’s your problem?” was asked to everyone and I couldn’t come up with one…

    so I LEFT the building…I didn’t feel a need to be there anymore :)

    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 7:23am

  744. 744: JillyNo Gravatar says:

    I believe I am in a place where Abraham says

    “Happy with what is and excited for what’s next” the leading edge of creation :)

    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 7:24am

  745. 745: JillyNo Gravatar says:

    Starla…I meant “real” deal 😉 @741

    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 7:26am

  746. 746: JillyNo Gravatar says:

    Memulo…you sound great! :)

    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 7:30am

  747. 747: JillyNo Gravatar says:

    Silver Moonbeam @702 so you had one of those too? lol

    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 7:33am

  748. 748: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    This is my new Mantra

    What I Won’t Do For Love by Elaine Caban

    I AM Love. I need not search for it. If I desire that precious, euphoric, Divine Bliss- all I need to do is go WITHIN. I see so many of my Brothers and Sisters desperately searching to ‘find it’ and then to ‘own it’ Rest assured if you fall into this category it is only because you have a void within yourself- and no person, no matter WHAT- can fill this void. They may be able to temporarily fill it, but eventually you will revisit this void and it will sabotage any form of happiness you filled it with.

    I see many many, even evolved, spiritual beings still getting swooped into the ‘cliché’ that you need another to experience true Love. I see many compromise their own standards, boundaries and ideologies just for a cheap shot at filling the void that lies within. Anything to mask the darkness, the loneliness, the sadness. Many are not even aware of this void because they have been masking it for so long. I, too, have experienced this void from time to time. I, too, have tried to fill it in the past- with another’s love, with food, with alcohol, with my work- but always found that all those ‘substitutes’ eventually just landed me in a deeper void.

    In my last, long-term relationship, I found that I often battled with an internal conflict. I was using his love to replace the love I once gave to myself. The result was a silent, unspoken unhappiness within -one I could not understand until I finally exited the relationship and returned once again to myself.

    So here is my commitment to myself, for, no matter what, I love ME more than anything. I owe it to my own precious soul to experience its natural state of Bliss and Euphoria WITHOUT the illusion that I got it from another. I will not stop until I come back to this state on my own.

    I won’t go ‘searching’ for a partner. I won’t go out on multiple dates, desperately hoping I might eventually find someone. I know that when I meet my next Soul Mate, it will not be because I got the best pick of the litter. I will not find him through the process of elimination. I will attract him through my powerful, creative intentions and he will MANIFEST when the time is perfect- not when I ‘think’ it’s time. Divine Timing is key when meeting a Soul Mate. I know if I go ‘searching’ I will certainly find a partner -a Mr. Right-for-Now and then convince myself he is the one. I don’t want that. I have had that too many times. I want Mr. Divine-Soul Mate-I-Got-Because-I-Waited. No exceptions.

    I won’t use dates to fill my time so I don’t feel lonely -for we are never alone anyhow. Our Beloved exists within us. I will enjoy my silence, my Sacred time alone. For it is during this time of retreat that I get to experience my own intimate relationship- the one between me and God. When I am alone, I shall talk to God, dance with God and make love to God. I will get to know myself again, searching within to see who I am at this moment -for we are forever changing and expanding- and I am never the same person. My needs and desires are always changing- so who am I at this moment? I owe it to myself to honor this ‘new’ me.

    I will LOVE, love, love ME. I will buy myself flowers, take myself out on dates, play, sing, laugh until I cry and share my beauty and love with the WORLD -not just one person!

    I will heal myself FIRST! I will take the time – however long it is- to go within, with a Huge flashlight. I will ask God to reveal to me what areas need healing or expansion. I will be honest with myself and admit my human flaws, weaknesses and illusions- so that I can release them- instead of bringing them into my next relationship. I will not rush this process, for I know that healing happens in layers. I will not do a ‘little’ work and then tell myself it is enough. I will take a deep look at exactly what I want from a partner, write it down and then take a close look at myself. Am I at the frequency of this Soul Mate that I desire and know I deserve? Do I have the very qualities that I am asking for in this person? If not, instead of lowering my standards, I shall work on myself until I DO. In this way, I will be expanding myself and raising my own vibrations- so high that I am assured to ‘attract’ this Divine partner.

    Should I meet someone, even if I think he might be my Soul Mate -I won’t jump in with my eyes closed. I will befriend him, get to know him, enjoy his company. And continue spending time with myself, loving MYSELF. There is no rush, especially if you think this person might be your ‘Soul Mate.’ In fact, if you suspect that he/she is- all the more reason to wait! You will have a lifetime together, so why rush things? I never understood why people meet, have a beautiful connection- then decide to drop the rest of their world, their friends, their work, their precious solitude- and consume every waking moment with that person. Slow down. Take your time and get to see EVERY side of this person BEFORE you decide that he/she is the ‘One.’ Everyone puts their ‘game-face’ on in the beginning -the side of them they WANT you to see. But we all have shadows. Who is this person once the ‘newlywed phase’ is over? I want to see that side FIRST- before I label you as my Divine partner and DEFINITELY before I commit to you.

    If Spirit should reveal to me that you are indeed my Soul Mate- I shall REJOICE! I shall NOT, however, lose myself IN you. I will love you and receive your love with gladness BUT I will not lose sight of the most precious authentic love, which exists WITHIN me. You may ADD joy, peace, Bliss and love to my life- but you are NOT the Source of it. God is the source and I shall never trade one love in for the other- I shall have both. For the love I share with God, I shall share with this partner and not the other way around.

    I will not try to OWN our love, LABEL it, Define it or claim that it will last forever -nor make any VOWS to any of this either. I shall love you with all my heart, unconditionally. I shall love you until it hurts and I feel as if my heart is exploding! I shall bless each and every moment we spend together and thank God for each day you are in my life. But I will not write you into my future. For we can not travel into tomorrow -though our ego will try to convince us to do this. Our fear-based Ego will tell us that we need a guarantee, we need a ‘safety’ plan, we need to know that we can own this thing that brings us so much love. Our Ego tells us it is not safe to let go, to be vulnerable, to surrender unless there is a guarantee. But one is not truly being vulnerable and surrendering if they need a guarantee in order to do so. And I have learned the hard way that there are NEVER any guarantees in life- EXCEPT that it is forever CHANGING. The only constant is that we are energetic beings, forever growing and expanding -yet we know not in which direction. Therefore, although I can HOPE we grow and expand in the same direction- I will not promise- for we simply do not know. Instead I will take a chance, put my heart on the line and love you in this PRESENT moment- and that will be enough. Anything else would be an expectation- and expectations set us up for disappointment.

    Love is the greatest reminder of our TRUTH. It is the pathway back home. It will make us sigh, walk around in la-la land, singing and humming and viewing the world through rose-colored glasses. It will inspire us, heal us, make us laugh, make us cry, bring us to ecstasy and heightened states of Euphoria. My friends- that is how we are supposed to feel ALL THE TIME! Why are you waiting for or depending on another to help to ‘arrive’ at this place? This state of being is your Divine make-up!! You ARE Love. Find this state of bliss inside of yourself! Travel there NOW! And if you don’t know how to get there, instead of waiting on another to show you- set out an intention to find it yourself! Make this your lifetime goal! So many people make their lifetime goal to find a partner, get married and live happily ever after. So your goal is CO-DEPENDENCY? Why would anyone choose that? Instead rearrange your priorities and choose FREEDOM instead of co-dependency. Freedom means that you have this beautiful, complete and perfect state of happiness and fulfillment in your life, no matter WHAT- because you found it on your own. In this way, no one can ever take it from you either. You may have to do healing work, you may have to drop old, outdated beliefs, fears, stigmatas. But I assure you, it is worth it!! the price you pay will be returned to you fifty fold!!

    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 7:38am

  749. 749: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    RE: #720 – “He was phoning me from the “war zones” lol, then I did the very un Sireny thing of getting really pi$$ed off and gave it to him straight from the hip in one of my very wordy scathing emails that I do so well, when I am in the mood. 😀

    I told him he was probably a bored married man sitting in his den whilst wifey was cooking his hot dogs at the stove not some bloody secret agent 007. 😀 ”

    LOLOLOLOL! You’re funny! What was his response?

    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 7:42am

  750. 750: JillyNo Gravatar says:

    Daria @698 I really resonate with this :)

    I don’t believe that not having sex keeps us from getting hurt or protecting our hearts or that it determines a certain outcome

    I do believe that we need to feel safe first and THEN decide.

    If we just jump into sex without knowing how we feel and expecting a certain outcome then it can feel like a roller coaster.

    I can feel attached and hung up on a man with or without sex.

    And I can feel if it’s JUST sex or something more…

    it’s ALL in the vibe :)

    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 7:42am

  751. 751: JillyNo Gravatar says:

    Brenda…yay…yes choose FREEDOM…feels refreshing and light and twirly :)

    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 7:45am

  752. 752: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    RE: #717 – Beautiful! I love what you wrote!

    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 7:49am

  753. 753: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you for this reminder Brenda

    ” Instead I will take a chance, put my heart on the line and love you in this PRESENT moment- and that will be enough. Anything else would be an expectation- and expectations set us up for disappointment.”

    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 7:49am

  754. 754: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Synchronicity. ha

    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 7:50am

  755. 755: LinmayuNo Gravatar says:

    Staying a virgin until marriage does not protect women from pain and heartbreak. It only protects women from the pain and heartbreak that happens on the way to marriage, but the same pain and heartbreak can still happen AFTER marriage. Can you imagine saving yourself for someone, like a precious flower, and then
    STILL being tossed out like trash–and now with the perception that you are ‘damaged goods’?

    If you go that way, it will NOT work–unless you choose a man who puts God first in his life, and say NO to marriage with anyone who doesn’t. Learn from my mistakes.

    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 7:51am

  756. 756: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Jilly I can’t help but wonder, now that you are with Rugby Man how do you see Pipeliner and Hotpilot?

    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 7:51am

  757. 757: LinmayuNo Gravatar says:

    Brenda, your mantra feels beautiful! 😀

    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 7:54am

  758. 758: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Linmayu that is one reason why finding out people’s values early on is important to me.

    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 7:55am

  759. 759: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    God has given us an outlet to take anything to Him!

    You can depress yourself or you can express yourself!

    Express yourself to God, not people.

    Gregory Dickow

    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 7:57am

  760. 760: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    RE: #696 – Thank you!

    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 7:57am

  761. 761: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    Beautiful name! Thank you! It resonates with me.

    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 7:58am

  762. 762: JillyNo Gravatar says:

    FW :)

    Well…I feel super relieved that I did NOT settle. Because with Rugby Man I feel like I have everything I have been asking for.

    I feel super attracted to him on ALL levels and everything just fits …it feels like a fairy tale…happily ever after …even though we are not to “marriage”…I don’t feel worried or anxious…I feel happy to enjoy each other and grow closer. He totally supports me in my life and I totally support him in his life. It feels healthy…we are both filled up by our own lives. He is ALL man and plans our dates and pays and is constantly flowing love to me :)

    And I KNOW that if for some reason it didn’t work out…I will attract something just as good :) I don’t have this fear in the background…I feel free

    And I am aware that we are in the “beginning” of our relationship…but unless I see signs of him pulling away…I’m going with it 😉

    Also just recently he was talking about communicating and that he needs to know if something is wrong so he can FIX it lol…I LOVE when a man is a fixer and says that!!!!

    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 8:21am

  763. 763: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    Yay! I feel happy for you!

    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 8:25am

  764. 764: LinmayuNo Gravatar says:

    BTW Iamabutterfly, my rant isn’t directed towards you, you seem so much mature than I was when I was ‘waiting for marriage’!

    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 8:31am

  765. 765: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    RE: #726 – “Ive been stood up HELLA times in the past couple months. like over 10 times”

    I feel interested to hear more. Obviously it didn’t trigger you as deeply as it did me. To what do you accredit that?

    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 8:32am

  766. 766: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    #707 FW

    I feel speechless.

    Yes this is a good one to use, thank you.

    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 8:32am

  767. 767: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    RE: #734 – “I don’t even pay much attention to these compliments because I know I am pretty. The same way if someone makes a negative comment about my appearance I don’t pay attention to that either. I know better than anyone else my good and bad features, so I feel that my opinion on it is formed and others can’t add too much to it.”

    Right on! That is so healthy!

    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 8:34am

  768. 768: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    RE: #737 – Sirenity said, “Daria , Thank you for speaking your truth so truthfully , if not always quietly .

    Whilst many of us get triggered some of the time, I for one appreciate your unfailingly real voice here.

    I also appreciate that you come back on here after lots of us made negative comments and you put it behind you and contribute positively to the blog.”

    I feel the same way. I don’t always agree with what you write, and I feel concerned for you about anger issues, but I know I struggle with anger, too. And I do appreciate your authenticity. I have learned so much from you.

    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 8:37am

  769. 769: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    #710 FW

    You know I think you are right. I am very resistant to change, it’s not like I am stubborn or think I am right or anything like that, it’s just my brain/mind/thoughts resists.

    Do you mean pinning one of the tools on the bathroom mirror? Which one do you suggest for starters? I would be appreciative of your help.

    I have been thinking today about this feeling stuff, and you know when I was a kid I used to cry A LOT, that was my way of dealing with things, because we weren’t allowed to get angry at our parents.

    Maybe I have been stuffing things for longer than I think I have.

    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 8:37am

  770. 770: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Daria – 698
    Jilly – 770

    About sex, I believe God told people to not have sex outside of marriage to protect them, not to torture them. Anything that makes you that vulnerable needs to be protected by a commitment.

    For me, it’s easier said than done. But I am working on that.

    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 8:40am

  771. 771: JillyNo Gravatar says:

    Brenda…thank you! :)

    and I support you in your beliefs :)

    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 8:47am

  772. 772: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Brenda, I have been reading about how you’re feeling about dating, and I just wanted to add to everyone else’s nice comments that, especially with online dating, it’s a “numbers game.”

    In my experience, there are a lot of guys who flirt and seem excited about you, but then they never show for the actual date or second date. i can’t even bring myself to take it personally, and actually i would feel relieved because i didn’t actually like the guy all that much (especially since he turned out to be a flake) but nonetheless i felt desperate to go out on a date and feel validated as a courtable, desirable woman.

    Plus I like free food.


    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 8:47am

  773. 773: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    #744 Jilly

    Fabulous!! I do believe you are in the Vortex!! :)

    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 8:48am

  774. 774: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    And Jilly I think there are LOTS of bored men on dating sites creating exciting lives for themselves like some kind of cyber fantasy life lol!!!

    I think I also told that army guy that he was probably a pen pusher in Ohio or somewhere, not a super duper James Bond wannabe. 😀

    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 8:52am

  775. 775: JillyNo Gravatar says:

    Silver Moonbeam…

    I’m just going to throw this out there…

    what if…regardless of doing the tools or not doing the tools you just started thinking of yourself as a REAL Siren…so no matter what, you are BEING a siren and then go from there…

    What do you think? :)

    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 8:53am

  776. 776: TiffanyNo Gravatar says:

    Oh, sorry, River Girl. Maybe that was a gross generalization. I actually had an experience with an Australian man, which I posted on this blog, and it confused me a lot, because he did not have the same views on paying for dates that I did.

    I found out from another woman, who was either Australian, or had lived in Australia (and was maybe even on this blog), the type of situation that I described. And I in no way meant what I said judgmentally. Just that it was different. Actually, with a bit of appreciation, because it gave the woman a lot of power. She could *decide* when to let the man pay – and that was a social cue. Not an “expectation” or a “doormat” type of thing. It seemed very sireny.

    Perhaps that type of dating is regional and was true for the area that this woman/women lived in. But it may not be true everywhere. I personally have not been to Australia. But I have met tons of lovely Australians, and I do not intend to be demeaning in any way. If you have a different experience, or you think that dating customs and “rules” are the same in Australia as in the US, or wherever, then please feel free to share.

    I appreciate it.


    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 8:55am

  777. 777: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    RE: #772 – Thank you! I think once again, I have pretty much washed my hands of online dating. I will follow thru on the several who are still looking me up.

    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 8:56am

  778. 778: JillyNo Gravatar says:

    Silver Moonbeam…thank you!!! that feels good to hear. I am in the Vortex :) I can feel it!

    my post to you was based on @ 706 you were addressing it to Ella :) about not remembering tools :)

    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 8:58am

  779. 779: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    RE 769 Yep Sunbeam that crying is an indication of how sensitive and how much of a girl you were. You learned to survive in your environment by stuffing that. I would just choose any tool if I were you. The one I remember the easiest might be a good start. The pinup will be a brain trigger for you to possibly think of another one. With regard to the anger maybe the vampire scream might also be a good one to get some of the anger out. It would be focussing on you. When I do that one I end up feeling kind of silly and laughing at myself afterward. This could also get you thinking about how you feel in your body and writing that down.

    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 9:01am

  780. 780: JillyNo Gravatar says:

    Where is Silver Tongue Siren…or April Rose?

    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 9:04am

  781. 781: JillyNo Gravatar says:

    sunbeam…awww…I like that nickname :) reminds me of church when I was super little :)

    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 9:05am

  782. 782: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    “About sex, I believe God told people to not have sex outside of marriage to protect them, not to torture them. Anything that makes you that vulnerable needs to be protected by a commitment.”

    Taking into consideration how many women on this blog have written how they spiral out of control when they choose to engage in sex, this makes so much sense. So much like a parent trying to take care of a child.

    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 9:07am

  783. 783: JillyNo Gravatar says:

    ok Rugby Man is on his way home…I need to clean my place!! But I am so sore from my competition workout that I can barely move lol

    Jillyrella just got here….yay!!… she will help me 😉

    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 9:07am

  784. 784: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    I believe scriptures advise against pre-marital sex because 1. there is a patriarchy that values women as a sexual conquests (for better or for worse. even your “nice guys” have a little bit of this in them somewhere), 2. a marriage contract ensures that any children resulting from sex will be taken care of 3. a marriage contract helps to determine what the respective parental responsibilities are/would be if the contract were to be cancelled as-is.

    This is mostly informed by the most recent major scripture I’ve read, the Qur’an. It’s been a while since I read the bible, but I don’t recall a whole lot about protecting your heart as a woman by waiting until marriage to have sex in there. I remember it being a practical theme of property and procedure.

    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 9:07am

  785. 785: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    I just had a happy thought:

    Prayer is God’s blog!

    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 9:07am

  786. 786: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Jilly I feel so happy for you.

    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 9:08am

  787. 787: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Starla I’ll give you one and then I will leave it “keep your heart with all diligence for out of it are the issues of live”

    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 9:10am

  788. 788: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    I meant “life” in 787

    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 9:11am

  789. 789: TiffanyNo Gravatar says:

    Brenda – in 748: I liked that.

    More like a manifesto than a mantra, but I liked it….

    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 9:12am

  790. 790: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:

    Back from M’s to pickup a few things… and he totally opened up about everything that has been on his mind all week.. the custody, divorce, angry emails from his ex-wife, trying to reach his son to wish him a happy bday and trying to reach his younger son who was sick but no call back and he felt bad. I can totally see how all this pressure he has makes him go silent for a few days… and I am more at peace with it all now… yet, I start getting nervous after several days. But I staid in lean-back mode all week and it paid off with him feeling so secure to open up to me. :-)

    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 9:13am

  791. 791: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    #784 – I don’t argue against anything you said. But just to clarify, the Q’aran is not the Bible. It is the holy book of Muslims. The Bible is for Christians (and the Old Testament for Jews).

    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 9:14am

  792. 792: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:

    …and he finds my hair beautiful, even darker. :-)

    He is sick this weekend, so I am leaning forward by cooking for him tonight.

    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 9:15am

  793. 793: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Turquoise I saw the following on the intro page to the website and I thought of you

    “What if…

    …the relationship of your dreams could be the one you’re already in? “

    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 9:15am

  794. 794: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    RE: #789 – Glad you liked it! It stopped me in my tracks when I read it this morning! It totally is what I’m feeling inside. Yeah, manifesto is a better term for it. Maybe I could just say the first two sentences as a mantra:

    “I AM Love. I need not search for it.”

    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 9:17am

  795. 795: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Yayy Siren Angel. With the cooking please be careful about going into mothering mode. It is a thin line that can easily be crossed. You don’t know if after he gets through this rough patch how that will feel to him. Maybe even have him do something on the menu. I am wondering if the stress of situation is affecting his physical body?

    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 9:18am

  796. 796: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    #749 Brenda

    He deleted his profile from POF and has never been heard of since. 😀

    Probably pen pushing in Ohio or wherever it is he lives, I think I told him that too. :)

    I hate, hate, hate it when men think I am dumb!!!

    “I’m not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I’m not dumb… and I also know that I’m not blonde.”

    Dolly Parton

    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 9:19am

  797. 797: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Brenda it is something CCarter teaches women in his From Casual to Committed. I understood it as suggesting that women are love and we can only share that with a man not give it.

    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 9:20am

  798. 798: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    lol brenda i don’t know how to say this without sounding unintentionally irritated or snarky, i’m sorry!!

    but yeah i know that! scripture means sacred text of a religion. There are Muslims here too (and Jews! but I never read the Torah as it was intended)..Christians aren’t the only one with a God that told them not to have premarital sex.

    I feel embarrassed that someone thought I didn’t know this. I specialized in Middle Eastern studies in my honors history track in College, which wasn’t very long ago.

    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 9:23am

  799. 799: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    796 – ““I’m not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I’m not dumb… and I also know that I’m not blonde.”

    Dolly Parton”


    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 9:23am

  800. 800: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    #775 Jilly

    Yes I think this is good, because I AM a siren right?

    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 9:25am

  801. 801: BrendaNo Gravatar says:


    RE: #798 – NP, just wanted to make sure we were on the same page.

    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 9:26am

  802. 802: StarlaNo Gravatar says:


    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 9:28am

  803. 803: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:

    I am reading a very beautiful book right now, it is set in Israel in the time of the Masada and tells the story of 4 strong and very sensual women during these war times. They work at the Masada in dovecotes, taking care of doves, each of them brought to the city after long perils in their personal lives. They take care of the doves and heal and touch upon ancient magic. They ‘sin’, in this time of religious uproar and war. For those of you touching upon the subjects of sex, religion and the bible/testament, this can be interesting. It is a beautiful and inspiring, strong, book about amazing women. It’s a ‘hard’ read in the first few chapters, but them you get mesmerized and sucked right in! I recommend it: http://www.bookreporter.com/reviews/the-dovekeepers

    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 9:28am

  804. 804: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    #778 Jilly

    Yes I like the shimmery tool of Ella’s and also of course the waterwheel when I remember and the I’m all that and so on, it’s the words that I have difficulties with, all the gushy stuff and saying I’m just a girl here, well I’m 58 and feel like an idiot.

    I have never ever been the cutesy, small skipping around type, more the serious, big girl if you know what I mean.

    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 9:29am

  805. 805: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Love to me:)

    I am the air he needs to breathe

    thank you soooo much again ella for reminding me

    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 9:30am

  806. 806: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:

    The book is The Dovekeepers by Alice Hoffman.

    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 9:31am

  807. 807: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    #779 FW

    Yes I am super sensitive, when things hurt I actually do feel a sharp pain in my heart. I think my ex husband knocked the crying at the drop of a hat out of me. I even bought that book once about sensitive people, can’t remember now what it was called.

    I don’t know what Vampire scream means, is it to do with the Twilight movies?

    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 9:31am

  808. 808: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:

    (((Silver Moonbeam))) I hated blond jokes too when I was blond, and they still trigger me.

    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 9:33am

  809. 809: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    Oh and dear “mama” too, tomorrow is Mother’s Day here and I took ages to find a non gushy, lovey dovey card to send……

    I drink too much too which is another thing that sensitive people do to deaden things.

    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 9:33am

  810. 810: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    I feel borderline depressed – it always goes like this as i get closer and closer to my opinion.

    intellectually i know i should get up out of bed and get dressed and put on some cute makeup and go get myself some breakfast before i head to Chinese class today.

    But realistically what happens is i stay in bed until the very last minute and throw some clothes on and feel bad about the not put together way i look and have to scramble for food, if i even get any, and feel so hungry and shaky. and feel afraid to even face my classmates and teacher.

    so getting up out of bed and taking care of myself might feel sooo much better than feeling ugly, hungry, and afraid.

    but i’m just sitting here….:(

    interesting phenomenon.

    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 9:34am

  811. 811: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    #808 SA

    I left the lemon mix on my hair for about 15 minutes this morning and all the toner seems to have gone, it looks much lighter now. 😀

    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 9:35am

  812. 812: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:

    About the book: (not sure anyone here is really interested… lol… time off the blog maybe? lol)

    Literature has rarely seen such a powerful tale of four unique women vested in love, shrouded in secrets, and urged on by boundless faith. “Nothing in the world is lasting; only our faith lives on,” says Revka. This is a story about what it means to withstand the challenges that question our convictions and what it means to come out on the other end still standing, even if metaphorically.

    Some might say that all that Alice Hoffman wrote prior to THE DOVEKEEPERS was just a build-up to a masterful crescendo, and that THIS is her greatest masterpiece. It IS a masterpiece, but it is also of a piece, of a type: a novel lush in detail, evocative in memory, and authentic in its research and retelling. Like her earlier works, she spares little in painting pictures of the beauty of feminism and feminine strength, in all its manifestations and human connections. Hoffman’s body of work is full of just such stories — lives intertwined and personal at the same time.

    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 9:36am

  813. 813: TiffanyNo Gravatar says:

    “Prayer is God’s blog” – lol

    Brenda – 770. In one part of me (the intellectual part), I am inclined to believe you, or to agree with you. Yes, I think the marriage commitment protects people from all kinds of potentially damaging things, emotional and physical. It gives stability. And it’s really kind of more than that, too. It makes someone a “relative” where before that, they were not. But I digress….the reason I want to agree with your statement, is that that is how I was brought up. That is the “pre-programming” and the system that was “installed’ in me from a very early age. And there is certainly some merit to that. I actually know several girl friends of mine who “waited” until marriage to have sex with their partners. Actually, one revealed to me later that she slept with her man after they got engaged, but before the wedding. My other friend and her man got married very quickly – only a few months after they started seeing each other.

    But, like Rori has observed, having a relationship for several years without sex, when both people are adults, is more than somewhat unrealistic. It goes completely against human nature. And what is human nature? It is the natural way in which God created us. If God created us to want to connect with each other and to be vulnerable and open with each other, when why would he not be happy when we do that?

    Does God really “care” if two people are married or not? to be kind of Byron Katie about it, can we absolutely know that God cares? Who is God? Is it you, and do you decide what God cares about? No, we can’t know in an absolute way what God “cares” about. We can know what we care about. People can care if they are married before they have sex or not.

    I forget the part of the Bible that says that people cannot have sexual relations outside of marriage. However, I do know of several – many, in fact – stories of people doing just that. Rightly or wrongly, the Bible is FULL of people having sex with individuals they are not married to. Including incest and the like. The Bible is not “clean,” The Bible is not “perfect,” and neither are the people in it. The Bible is filled with HUMANS. And that is why it is still “true” today, even if the stories are very, very old.

    If you ever read the Song of Songs, the couple that is mentioned in the poem is never identified as being married. And from the context it would appear that they are not. They are unmarried lovers, honestly, openly, and in a human fashion, enjoying each other’s physical presence.

    It is a wonderful tribute to love, and there is a reason it is called the “Song of Songs.” Because the song that appreciates another’s body is the ultimate song a person can “sing.”

    Thank you for reminding me to think about this.

    Because the way of “waiting for marriage” for me is paved with fear and resentment, anxiety and dread. And self-hatred when I fall off that “wagon.”

    Instead, I can go internally, and I can inquire of myself – who am “I,” and what do *I* want, when it comes to sex? Do I really want to “wait”? And does marriage make a difference? What if marriage did not exist? Only partnership – then what?

    It is tempting to think it is possible to be authoritative about what “God wants.” But often these beliefs are attached to what others, who seemed to be in authority, told us at one time. We forget that those beliefs are what those other People wanted. We can forget that God is outside of that. God has a Higher purpose. And maybe, just maybe, God is happy with ANYONE, ANYWHERE, WHENEVER they are having sex with an open heart and an open mind, fully appreciating and enjoying the other person that is there with them. Because – at least in the Jewish belief system – making love to another human being is the closest we can get to making love to God.

    This is hard for even me to accept, because of my earlier programming. But I see accepting this, and accepting my own human/vulnerable nature, as part of the work that I need to do. To become okay with my sexuality is my biggest challenge right now. So this is what I am working on. And I hope – with God’s help – that I can succeed in fully accepting myself in ALL of my aspects.

    And I hope that for all or any of us who are struggling with anything like this….

    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 9:38am

  814. 814: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:

    SMB, Thank you, but as it is a rinse, I am just going to give it a few good washes and redo it in 2 weeks.

    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 9:38am

  815. 815: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    i put on music that feels sexy and soulful and i’m just closing my eyes singing along like i actually have the right to (i do, i just don’t sing in tune! hehehe)

    it feels open and releasing.

    i want to do more of this stuff.

    it will become habit and natural one day. i won’t feel heavy like i’m always “working” to be happy. i have faith:) and i support myself and i will never abandon myself and i am going to get up RIGHT THIS SECOND and get dressed in something cute and sexy and gothic because if i feel sad i can just wear black and carry it around with me like that, instead of wallowing in bed and greeting the world out there in sweat pants or baggy tshirts when that is not What I Want.

    Weeeee, i love having this blog here to work things out.

    Love to all you ladies <3

    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 9:38am

  816. 816: TiffanyNo Gravatar says:

    Silver Moonbeam 807 – The Highly Sensitive Person!

    By Elaine Aron. ….a very good book!

    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 9:40am

  817. 817: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    #782 FW

    I so agree, one of the biggest things I have learnt on here is that for MOST women unless they are in total Rock Chick mode having sex makes things worse not better.

    Over on the POF UK forum is a debate going on about the 3 date “rule” some men say if they don’t get sex after 3 dates they are off as they are not paying for these dates and getting nothing in return. And the women are all saying what is wrong with a sh*g on the first date if you want to.

    I don’t have the nerve to air my own point of view. :(

    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 9:41am

  818. 818: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:

    I intend to do Yoga everyday, Namaste.

    I intend to read inspiring feminine stories.

    I intend to be my Goddess self, Best Self, Sireny Self every day.

    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 9:41am

  819. 819: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:

    SMB @817,

    About what you mention about the guys after 3 dates and no sex, what would you want with a man like that anyway? If you are a true Siren, and I know you are, they will want so much more from you than just sex!

    Mind: wrong road
    Spirituality: wrong road
    Sex: wrong road (but can help build a ‘connection’)
    Heart: bingo. It’s the ‘yellow brick road’ to his heart! :-)

    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 9:44am

  820. 820: TiffanyNo Gravatar says:

    I don’t want to be in a relationship for two years without sex. I think I lost my desire to “wait until marriage” after my engagement fell apart. At that point, it didn’t seem to matter anymore. Part of my always wants to get back to that “high road.” But sometimes it feels more like “high and mighty.” To do that to be “better” than other people. To be even “better” than myself. It is Ego. It is because I don’t believe that I am “good enough” that I have to do this thing in order to prove that I am “good.” And if I don’t, then my man will never believe me or trust me…yicky thoughts. They feel icky and yicky and not right for me. It would feel so good to be okay with myself and my sexuality. It would feel so good to let myself enjoy and be enjoyed by another person without the judgment of “how long” we waited or whether a marriage commitment is on the table. We are way past that. Because now I am mature and things are different now. I need to be where I am and be who I am and feel how I feel, or it won’t work. I CAN trust my boundaries, even in sex. I can be myself – even more myself – when I relax and allow myself to enjoy the experience with another. And I don’t have to feel shame, embarrassment, or self-abnegation because of it….

    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 9:46am

  821. 821: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    #810 Starla

    It’s called Rori Raye blog procrastination. 😀

    I do this all the time on work mornings especially when I get up and the blog is pumping with new posts, oh I’ll just read to number 100, then oh well maybe 200 and so on…then I run around like crazy trying to get ready lol!

    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 9:48am

  822. 822: StarbrightNo Gravatar says:


    First of all i want to say how great it is that hou have been putting yourself out there!

    And I so understand the frustrations of dating.

    When I read posts in which you say things like:

    “just want you to remember that I hate dating.”

    I just cringe. And similar to Fw, I think that is really going to affect your outcome.

    What if you were to try flipping that thought?

    The opposite being that you llove dating or that dating is so much fun.

    Then what could you do to have more fun with your dates? How would Marilyn be?

    It makes me think if you saying that you are the sandy beach. That feels so light, airy, warm, free and at the same time string within yourself. You are the prize. It doesn’t matter what the guy is bringing because you are bringing the beach and you feel all warm and soft on the outside.

    I see amazing things for you!



    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 9:50am

  823. 823: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    #819 SA

    Oh I am not bothered for myself, as I have my own “rule” about sex and that most definitely includes a proper connection with a man, not 3 cups of coffee (3 hours worth of dating) or 3 dinners (9 hours) with a man and then you have sex with a virtual stranger!!!

    I just find the human condition very interesting, like Brenda said earlier we are higher evolved beings than rabbits.

    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 9:53am

  824. 824: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Silver Moonbeam,
    I am happy to report that I am dressed and standing up now:). I am now procrastinating on the blog haha.

    so happy to be out of bed. yay me!

    eep, please no one think i’m ridiculous for being proud of myself for getting out of bed. it actually feels like a challenge.

    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 9:54am

  825. 825: JillyNo Gravatar says:

    Silver Moonbeam…yes!!! That’s right..because you already ARE a siren…regardless of if you use feeling messages :) or tools…and I could see you getting a little hung up on the “doing” instead of what’s most important “being” :)

    maybe being a siren (which you already are) and “doing” YOU would feel more freeing to you :)

    Your vibe feels light and flowy this morning :)

    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 10:02am

  826. 826: JillyNo Gravatar says:

    FW…thank you!! :) I feel happy and supported :)

    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 10:03am

  827. 827: TiffanyNo Gravatar says:

    I have a letter to OM that I have composed and I’ve been sitting on for several days.

    It feels good to write it, but not to send it to him. It feels good to have a little bit of silence.

    But there are still some things in there that I really want to say. not that I think it will make any kind of a “difference.”

    this morning, i woke up thinking about it again. But as soon as I got up, in the cold light of day, it seemed futile and useless to even consider it.

    Except that I want to add one big feeling message. This feels important to me, and I don’t know why. But the key emotion that I was feeling last week, after our encounter, was shame. I felt deep, intense, and overriding shame. I know it is “normal” to feel that somewhat, after a sexual experience. However the shame was so deep, and so intense, that it literally transformed all my behavior. It made me into the vacillating, insecure creature I became. It was the root of the anger, the fear, and the resentment. It made me want to run away. And it made me want to run to him. It made me want to push him away. And it made me want to kick him. It made me feel more vulnerable than I could tolerate, and then I couldn’t tolerate *him.*

    (aside – @FW, I don’t think the “sex” was the problem for me – it was the shame I felt afterward around it…)

    Some deep part of me wants to express this. I want to tell him I felt shame. Not to get anything or to have any type of result. Maybe by saying it, I can make it more real, and less imaginary. And perhaps by expressing it, I can release it.

    Is it selfish to tell the man how I really felt, if he doesn’t want to hear? If he is not engaged with me in conversation, or interested in a relationship, would it matter? Or would I just be forcing myself on him?

    I am not going to send him anything until tomorrow if I do this. I need to let this sit for a while longer.

    But the idea is there. Maybe I can just scratch the rest of the longer letter I was composing, and simply write, “I felt ashamed of myself last weekend.”

    That is the truth. And let it go…..

    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 10:03am

  828. 828: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    #816 Tiffany

    Yes, that’s the one, I remember reading it way back and I can sooo relate, I wonder if any other Sirens think they may be super sensitive?

    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 10:06am

  829. 829: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    We control every other “natural” (and therefore, some would say HEALTHY) biological impulse when we have a reason to. I don’t know why anyone pretends like sex is any different. I hear people say sometimes, “monogamy is unnatural!” Yeah, well so is capitalism and pooping in toilets….

    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 10:06am

  830. 830: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    I think I am super sensitive

    I don’t think I seemed this way to myself before, because i was covering up my sensitive feelings with aggressive stuff, and now that i let that go, i’m confronted with some serious sensitivity.

    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 10:09am

  831. 831: Coco KissesNo Gravatar says:

    @ Brenda…I too am trying to loose weight, and change my lifestyle. I’m doing a low Carb diet, where I get most of my carbs from veggies, and my fiber from flaxseed meal. I’ve lost a lot of inches so far, but I want a complete Makeover for my self body wise.

    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 10:10am

  832. 832: TiffanyNo Gravatar says:

    Happy St. Patrick’s Day!!!

    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 10:12am

  833. 833: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    #820 Tiffany

    Where you brought up to be a “good girl” where you were always expected to do the right thing and be polite and nice to people and do your school work and don’t backchat and don’t rock the boat.

    Well I most definitely was and can NOW see why I am always attracted to bad boys. Wow I just got it FINALLY!!!!

    My parents squashed my feelings so much and tried to mould me into this “good girl” that when my ex came along ( a real bad boy) how could I not be attracted to him?

    My dad was a kind gentle man but he was strict in that we had “standards” and so on and I always wondered why I didn’t marry a nice guy like my dad………wow…….

    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 10:13am

  834. 834: JennyNo Gravatar says:

    “Most men would certainly NOT be interested in having sex with a woman a second time unless there was more in it for him than the physical. She would have to make him feel good in some way (okay – her being amazing in bed might be enough to make him keep coming back…but even that would wear off for him).”

    I take it as there must be more then just to cum for a man to come around for more sex with a woman.
    Fwb for example; there is no way in this world I think a man would keep having a fwb if she make him feel bad in anyway. Men can have sex without being in love – but they must feel good with the woman for coming back for more.

    The same goes for me; if I was just after getting an orgasm – then I would be ever happy with my own hands and dildos. I want sex with a man, becourse I want to feel another human being, want to kiss, feel the skin, his hands…feel the mix between the two energy.

    Anyway Hi ladies :)

    So this is my problem:

    When I meet men online, they allways want my phone number – I got two phone numbers;

    One goes to my homephone and is trackable to my home address. This number does allways work since it is a landline – but no way I give it to men I have only meet online, no way.

    The other is to my mobile, it aint trackable but I have allmost no connection, allmost inpossible for me to call or get call to that phone when I’m home, since I live on the countryside and most time I have no signal.

    So so far I havent given any unknwon man my phone number…I meen whats the point of give a number that they cant reach me anyway…and secound, most men I meet on an casual dating site.
    To be honest, before I have meet a guy in real life, I’m dont feel intrested in talking with them on the phone at all.

    But many keeps pushing; “I want your number so I can call if I’m late to the date”…and I’m like…”dont ppl remember how it was to go on blinddates before mobiles? -I do. If someone was late, you waited so long you thought was ok, then got home…and then you made new plans.

    I serious is thinking of lying about not owning a mobile…so I dont have to get that darn question about my number to call if they are late…

    Any thoughts?

    …today I’m feeling a little sad, been on another date with a man who also lied about his weight and height

    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 10:14am

  835. 835: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    Turquoise – Starla is totally correct in #430 about Rori and her posts. Please try not to take this personally. She just doesn’t have time to read posts except when one goes into moderation.


    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 10:17am

  836. 836: Coco KissesNo Gravatar says:

    My two cents on the subject, ..I do not agree that people who choose to wait till marriage to have sex have sexual issues, however, I feel that waiting two years in a relationship is too long, definately too much to ask of a man, especially when their need for sex is usually (not always) greater than that of women. In general, I feel like long engagements are a waste of time, although I know sometimes they are needed for financial purposes and the like.

    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 10:20am

  837. 837: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    #822 Starbright

    I will take your post to Brenda for myself thank you, I have looked into joining Oasis (free) but I can never think of a good enough user name and when I do it is “gone.”

    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 10:22am

  838. 838: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    #824 Starla

    Yay well done for getting out of bed LOL!!

    I see it is the crack of dawn in your state too. 😉

    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 10:24am

  839. 839: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    #825 Jilly

    Thank you, I think it’s because I am actually interacting as usually when I get up I am on the blog all on my own as I get up too early for even the UK Sirens. :)

    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 10:25am

  840. 840: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    lol crack of lunch time;)

    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 10:28am

  841. 841: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    Turquoise – And that said, I don’t agree that people can’t change. They most certainly can, IF they want to. I changed. And i know many others who have as well.

    And this can include those who have cheated and those who have physically struck someone.


    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 10:29am

  842. 842: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    #830 Starla


    You will probably be interested in the website for highly sensitive people, this just struck me as I skimmed the page.

    •Sensitivity is valued differently in different cultures. In cultures where it is not valued, HSPs tend to have low self-esteem. They are told “don’t be so sensitive” so that they feel abnormal.

    I can’t quite remember now where I scored on the test I will have to do it again.

    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 10:30am

  843. 843: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    #840 Starla

    I know I looked it up on my phone. 😀

    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 10:33am

  844. 844: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    I used to know in my heart that people don’t change, but now i know in my heart that people really do change all the time. i changed. fast. i have more ‘changing’ to do but the important stuff changed real quick once i decided.

    i feel magic in everything knowing this:)

    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 10:46am

  845. 845: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    I have changed immeasurably since my divorce too, I am so not the angry screechy woman I became…….too much stress can send you crazy.

    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 11:13am

  846. 846: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    Oh and I have become SO AWARE of masculine and feminine energy since finding Rori and then later Tony Robbin’s interventions……..

    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 11:15am

  847. 847: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Dominique I feel like a huge weight have lifted off my heart reading those words. I was feeling so bad for Turquoise because it seems things were not being put into context, as if it didn’t matter.

    Phew! What a relief particularly now that she is emitting such a high vibration and seem to be thriving.

    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 12:03pm

  848. 848: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Jenny I would give my number with a caveat that sometimes I don’t have service. Maybe even give an approximate time that you might be reached. I believe men can appreciate you wanting to feel safe before you give out your home details. Some will give up when they can’t reach you, some will keep trying. I wouldn’t let that stop me from giving the cell number.

    Saturday, 17 March 2012 @ 12:08pm

  849. 849: Femininewoman