A Great Success Story! From Toxic To Terrific With A New Man

Here’s one of the most spectacular success stories I’ve ever received, from Allison. I found her request for private coaching with me lost in my mailbox, months later. Here’s her original letter:

“Rori, I recently purchased “The Modern Siren” and oh boy has it rocked my world. I need and want your help but at this point I don’t have much faith that what I am involved with can be saved.

I am 35 years old and have been with my husband since I was 23. I did not have much experience with men when we met. He is 17 years older than I am and for the past 6 years of our marriage his sexual desire has become non existent. In the beginning, I was really confused. I tried losing weight, bought sexy clothes, tried talking it to death then ignoring it and leaving it alone. Eventually I began an affair. I felt so neglected and alone and had so many needs and urges that I could no longer go without human contact and interaction.

I had been laid off of a very good corporate job and decided to pursue real estate which had always been a goal and passion of mine. My first day at the new office I met who would soon become my lover. He was also older, handsome, aggressive, attentive, detail oriented and most importantly he was the pursuer. He pursued and I gave in.

Shortly there after he wanted me to leave my husband and move in with him and everything was moving so fast I just shut down. I was all of the things in The Modern Siren. I was only available for limited amounts of time. I rarely called him or reached out to him. He had to schedule time with me way in advance. I never initiated anything. Now, the only reason I was behaving this way was because I was married. Had I not been married I would have probably done all of the wrong things.

This man is constantly crashing his boat for me. But being that I was and am married I just became increasingly confused and torn. Torn between hope of saving my marriage and fear of leaving it all for this new person that I wasn’t quite sure of. I believe my husband to be a good man, honest, trustworthy, reliable.

But very emotionally unavailable, selfish, hurtful, and uncaring at times. I have been begging for sex, love and intimacy for so many years and just could not take the rejection any longer. He would just say “its not you, its me, i just have no desire, i am depressed”.

As time went on, my lover became increasing impatient with me. When his love and all of his actions didn’t get the result he wanted, he would at times “threaten” to call my husband and out the relationship.

I became so fearful that I would pacify this person to keep the peace. This only created anger and resentment towards the new guy because I felt like I wasn’t making the choice to be with him because that was what I actually wanted but rather because I was fearful that if I did not comply that he would tell my husband.

When the new guy is angry at me or we have an argument and I hang up or remove myself from the situation, he shows up at my house, calls hundreds of times, demands that I pick up his call or he will tell my husband. When this person is not threatening me, he is charming, attentive, loving, giving. He always wants to cook for me, open doors for me, take me places, do everything and anything for me.

Completely opposite from my husband. Because of the threats he makes when we fight or something doesn’t go his way, it scares me and i cannot enjoy or accept the good things. When he is kind and loving and considerate, what goes through my head is “watch out, be careful, at any moment he could use this information against you, at any moment he could flip out”.

I have tried explaining my feelings about things till I am blue in the face. Yet he continues to threaten me because it works. If we argue and I say “I am hanging up now, I need to cool down”. He will say “don’t you dare hang up on me or I will come to your house and cause a scene”. I get scared and do as he asks. Then I feel hatred towards him on the inside that I am being forced to do this.

So back to my husband. I believe that because he is in his fifties that possibly he has had a drop in testosterone and some of his issues are chemical imbalances. However, only he can take action. I have tried talking to him so many times. I have shared my feelings about everything. He works when he works and that is it.

I do everything else that needs to be done to manage our lives. I feel alone. I don’t feel loved or protected or cared for by him. Yet somehow keep clinging to the marriage. I am 35 and desperately want to have children.We found out several years ago that because of his sperm our chances naturally are low but high with insemination.

He did not want to do that. Mostly because of the expense. It has truly devastated me. If he loved me and knows how much being a mother means to me, why wouldn’t he want to help make that happen for me?

When I express my needs or feelings he just says “I am sorry you feel that way, I am sorry you have wasted your life with me, you deserve better”. What do I say to that?

Basically I feel I am in two very toxic relationships. For all the madness with the lover, he at least engages with me. He talks, he reads, he tries. My husband does nothing. We could be in the same place day in and day out and he would never say a word to me. Never ask me a question. Never offer to do or to give anything to me or for me.

We just occupy the same space. We are having sex perhaps once a year. And its just a 5 minute act. No connection, no intimacy, nothing. At this point, I don’t want sex with my husband. He doesn’t know me, understand me or my body. You say to never give more than what your man is giving. If that were the case in my marriage, nothing would ever happen.

He never initiates anything. In fact, that is how we stopped having sex. I hated always initiating physical contact. So I stopped. I wanted to see what would happen.

What happened was that 7 months went by without so much as a glance at my naked body prancing around the house. In fact, one time my husband bragged about being able to go longer than I could without sex.

I’m just in this stuck place. I don’t know how to get out of it or make anything better. My husband looks so sad and pathetic. Most of the time when I look at him I want to cry. He is quite negative and sees everything negative. Anything that comes up he always sees what could go wrong and even projects it as if its reality instead of a possibility.

I feel overwhelming sadness. I have so much love to give and so much to offer. So much so that I feel the lover wants to smother me and hide my light from the rest of the world. He is so jealous and controlling and says its only because of the triangle.

He says if we were in a normal relationship he would not be this way because there would be no third party dynamic. I don’t know if I believe this. He is jealous of everyone in my life, including other woman.

Yesterday, I mentioned meeting someone that was a drummer. This person is a friend of my girlfriend. I mentioned chatting with this person about getting guitar lessons. Before I could even finish what I was saying my lover said “oh you asked him about guitar lessons? sounds like a pick up line to me?”

So my lover was saying that me asking this guy about the cost of guitar lessons was me really trying to come on to this guy. I just sat there utterly confused as to how me asking about lessons translated to me trying to pick this guy up.

This lover has made me see things in my husband that I didn’t know were there. My husband is much more gentle and understanding and not controlling in the least. Its like I have two complete opposites.

I have my husband who completely ignores me and is disconnected in every way, and then i have this crazy lover who is so intense and controlling and aggressive and makes me feel smothered.

Yet, I gravitate towards the smothering because even though we fight most of the time, its still feels better than being ignored. The yelling still feels like we are engaging unlike at home where there is just silence.

My husband has all the self help books. That was part of what attracted me to him. The Celestine Prophecy and all that good stuff. Yet he uses it all against me. Anytime I ask anything of him, or state a need or desire, he just flips it back on me and says “you are responsible for your own life and happiness. Pat your own self on the back, give your own self credit. Stop looking to me for these things.”

I just remember feeling so deflated. What he is saying seems like it makes sense, but made me feel so empty and sad inside. As if me asking my husband for support or kind words of encouragement was somehow wrong and its my responsibility to give words of encouragement to myself.

This past 12 months has been so emotionally challenging. My mother died when I was a child so I have few family left that I am close with. One was an Uncle that lives in England. He died recently and I was truly devastated. My husband could not go with me to the funeral because his passport was expired and he refuses to update it for political reasons. So I had to deal with that trip alone. In a foreign country with people I had not seen in years in a very distraught state of mind. But I did it.

Then I returned home only to learn that my sister-in-law was very very ill. She is the mother to my 6 year old little niece. I then traveled down south to help out all that I could. My brother was emotionally broken down at the thought that the mother was dying and he would soon be raising a little girl all by himself. When I thought my sister in law was better and out of the hospital, I returned home. One week later my brother called to tell me the mother had died. I was so devastated, for me and more so for my niece.

I could not believe that my mother died when I was a child and now here I have a niece that is going to go through the same experience. I so badly needed support. Yet my husband was no where to be found. He did not travel with me down south, nor did he attend that funeral. Again, his license was expired and he refuses to renew it. Its almost like a form of political protest.

Shortly thereafter, my grandmother died. The only other woman I had known growing up. So three funerals, all very significant people in my life and all three things I attended and dealt with alone. But when I express a need for support, all I get is “you must be responsible for your own life and happiness.” I just feel empty and angry that this man has had the best years of my life. Now what.

I don’t know if there is hope, but perhaps you can help me. I am thinking I might need to buy the DVD on Toxic Men next.

*****

I responded when I saw her email to me, apologized for it taking so long, and asking for an update. This is what she wrote me:

“Rori,
Thank you for getting back to me. I did end up buying Toxic Men.

I ended up leaving both toxic relationships. I first ended the affair which caused the guy to stalk me and eventually make a scene in public. I was able to get a permanent restraining order against him. Then I moved out of the home I owned and got my own place. My ex husband still lives there and pays me rent.

He was devastated and never thought I would actually leave. It was really hard financially but my happiness and peace of mind was worth it.

I started working on me and healing myself and learning who I was again. I ended up losing a lot of weight, getting a great new job and then poof an amazing man came into my life.

There was a huge fire at my condo building where I own, where my ex lives. I was called to come right away as I am on the board. One of the responding police officers was smitten by me and asked me out. I thought to myself now is the time to practice all that I have learned from Rori Raye. Its only been two months and this man is crashing his boat all over the place.

He is much younger than me (24) and so I know financially he doesn’t make a lot. However I let him lead. We had a few dates where all we did was drive around and go sit at a look-out spot. Many of my girlfriends ask me why I don’t take him out to dinner etc and pick up the tab. Clearly they need to read The Modern Siren!

On Valentines Day I knew he probably didn’t have much money so I didn’t push the issue and I didn’t buy him anything. He came to pick me up and said “Is it ok if we just drive and sit at the harbor.” I said “As long as I am with you it doesn’t matter what we do”. He bought me a little bear and actually made me chocolate covered strawberries. When he dropped me off he grabbed my face and said “Thank you for not buying me anything, seriously.”

I realized then that had I bought him something it probably would have overshadowed what he did for me. The fact that I didn’t buy him anything made him feel so great and like the little that he did was a lot, and it was.

He is not your average 24 year old and with all honesty he has been more of a man to me than any older man I have been with.

I unfortunately lost a good friend through this process. We were both studying Rori’s stuff but only I actually put it into action. My best friend just couldn’t do it. She had the knowledge but resorted to “buying” her men. The more success she saw me have the more distant she became. And now we don’t even speak. I am sad for her because I am living proof that this information works!

I manifested an amazing man who can’t get enough of me and wants to give me all that he has. He has already asked me to be exclusive and said next year we are getting married.

My best friend on the other hand met a great guy, moved him in 2 weeks later, took him to fancy dinners, bought him expensive clothes and other gifts and after a month it was over. He said he was no longer attracted to her. To this day she is still trying to win him back with gifts. So sad. She has completely taken on the masculine role and she doesn’t see that is why he’s no longer attracted to her. But she thinks if she does more, buys more, gives more, he will come back.

I am so grateful to be writing this email. My birthday is on Friday and my new guy is planning a big surprise. My ex never did anything special for my bday in 10 years.

My new guy has the spare key for my place, although this is MY place. He is working the 4pm to midnight shift. When I came home at 7pm he had covered my whole apartment with sticky notes each saying something beautiful. “I love you, I adore you, I miss you, I need you, I will never leave your side, see what our love is making me do”.

I just sat there and cried. The love and joy is just so overwhelming and long overdue.

I hope you can use my story to inspire someone else that may be where I was.

I just want to make sure now that I have this wonderful man, that I do the rights things to keep him!

Thank you so much,
Allison”

******

From Me:

I just wanted to post this so you could see that this can HAPPEN for you! No matter WHERE you’re starting from!

Love, Rori

written by Rori Raye • Permalink •

924 Comments to “A Great Success Story! From Toxic To Terrific With A New Man”

1: Brandylion says:

Hi Sirens,

I think I’m ready to buy Targeting Mr. Right. I bought Modern Siren on CD to listen to in my car, but I feel like I’m missing the visual aspects and that seeing the role playing would be helpful for me.

For TMR, would you recommend CD or DVD?

Thanks for your input!

P.S. Is this my first firsties?

Monday, 30 April 2012 @ 7:58am
2: Starbright says:

Wow! A very inspiring post! Thank-you!

Monday, 30 April 2012 @ 8:10am
3: Starla says:

Welly welly well, my droogettes;), I am feeling sooooooo angry and irritated today. Move energy, move! muahahahahahaa! *power*

Monday, 30 April 2012 @ 8:34am
4: Radlove says:

Brandylion,

I think it’s always more meaningful on DVD. So much communication is in body language. For me, it always comes down to my budget and where I will be able to listen to it.

Monday, 30 April 2012 @ 8:38am
5: GivingGirl says:

The post sounds all nice and wonderful, but I feel something nagging at me that doesn’t feel good, but I can’t put my finger on it.

I’m very tired today. After arriving at work, I am cranky too. Our big boss is very demoralizing and devaluing. Today was another example. I’m sure there will be more after our staff meeting this afternoon. Oh joy!

Monday, 30 April 2012 @ 8:41am
6: Radlove says:

Rori,

Wow, what an inspiring story! I feel amazed!

Monday, 30 April 2012 @ 8:52am
7: light heart says:

Kudos to Allison for getting out of both toxic relationships so elegantly! The new one with the younger guy could be temporary, or not, because he may or may not be ‘the one’, but it doesn’t matter, because it sounds like it is working well, now, and she feels really good about herself and the relationship and creating new and better ways of being in relationship that she will be natural to her going forward. Way to be true to yourself, Allison!

light heart

Monday, 30 April 2012 @ 9:06am
8: Radlove says:

After suppressing my emotions for so many years growing up, and into my 20s, now my emotions are intense.

I feel everything so deeply, and it often takes half the day…or the whole day…to feel “normal” enough to function.

My thot was that if I were this woman in Rori’s post, I would have been deep in depression for years. I wouldn’t have just bounced back after ten years or so in such an unfulfilling relationship. I would have been in therapy for about 3 years after a toxic lover who operated in such a controlling way.

So that always brings me back to why am I such a messed up woman? Why can’t I just apply Rori’s principles and run with it?

I’m just not functioning right; I’m not applying Rori’s tools right. I feel like a total fu(k-up! And I know this is where I’m supposed to have compassion on myself, and I do. But it feels impossible to change.

The overall shadow to dating is my weight. This is not an appeal for more weight loss programs. I know exactly how to lose weight – I lost 90 lbs in the late 80s and kept it off for 7 years. But my overeating and all my bad behavior is a cry for love.

I’m not supposed to put that on a man, that’s too much pressure. So what the fu(k do you do when you need to be loved???????????????

When I’m hungry, I eat.
When I’m thirsty, I drink.
When I’m tired, I sleep.
When I feel stiff, I walk.
When I need supplies, I shop.
When I need love, I am supposed to reach deep inside, like I’ve been doing for 30 years, and conjure it up for myself. If that is how I had to handle my other needs, I’d be dead!

So is it any wonder that I feel half dead? I’m emotionally starving! I don’t get it. There is something I don’t get. The only halfway solution I know for needing love and affection is to go get laid.

I could get laid 7 days a week if I chose to. But that’s not what I want! I want and need RELATIONSHIP. And I want and need it so bad that I keep messing it up with R, even tho he has come back to me again and again for 3 years, when I truly didn’t deserve it.

Monday, 30 April 2012 @ 9:08am
9: Jan says:

In some ways I can relate with Radlove… I found that story so inspiring; for about 30 seconds. Then I feel completely overthrown and bowled over by this huge wave of sadness and regret and need. I just can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel.

I am trying to internalizing the tools that I have learned so far in the modern siren. I am trying to not let every emotion hinge on one person, who does not seem to want me anyway. I am leaning back, minute to minute, in order to not reach forward with excuses, and an attempt to control the outcome that has already happened. I want to explain to him why I have walked away….I wonder if he has even noticed. I am afraid of the finality of my choices. I am trying to stay open when every fiber of my being wants to hide under my bed. In all of these things I feel like such a failure.

This wonderful story by this inspiring woman should make me feel empowered and hopeful and strong. Instead I feel like a total loss as a woman. I guess this would be an example of what Rori calls “stuck.

Monday, 30 April 2012 @ 9:27am
10: Turquoise says:

Radlove, I think you should go have sex. Your in over exasperated love starved mode where nothing looks clear. You wouldn’t turn down an imperfect meal would you if hungry right? It might take years to find a perfect relationship.

We are human, we have needs, and we deserve it.

I think you put too much pressure on yourself. And you are stubborn, it’s ok to change your mind.

Monday, 30 April 2012 @ 9:28am
11: Love Actually says:

Hugs to Radlove. I feel sad reading yoru post. I feel a weight in my chest and kind of want to scream but then feel scared.

Maybe because of just reading this email from Rori and it made me realize that I am feeling terrified the closer my fellow does get to me. I am so surprised by the capacity he is showing emotionally and then I think I get really scared that it will evaporate or he is just tricking me.

Rori’s email said:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
But, sometimes, we vent our anger on someone else (usually the people closest to us) because we’re really angry at ourselves.

We’re really angry at our own fear and lack of boundaries.

When we’re closed off in some ways, we attract relationships that keep that kind of balance and tension – it’s just too scary to get closer.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I thought I had boundaries and then somehow I didn’t with LUFC Man (I feel like I need to give him a name like I see most of you guys do).

I feel really angry at life ALOT. Being a single mom has been exhausting and my ex husband has been angry at me for a decade and he is the one who left me…(I have tried to be so understanding and maybe I just need to be pissed!). I have been broke raising my son for so long that I’m not sure I’d even know what to do if I had money. Right now I don’t have a job and I feel really terrified that I may never find something that feels good and pays well.

Monday, 30 April 2012 @ 9:30am
12: April Rose says:

Oooh, Allison. Ooh, Rori,

This is a good story, and it gives me hope.

I find myself involved with milder versions of Allison’s two men. My two feel like good men with toxic traits, whereas her husband and lover seemed to be on the extreme end of the scale.
Sometimes extreme cases are more helpful; it is obvious then that you need to get out of there.

Monday, 30 April 2012 @ 9:31am
13: April Rose says:

Giving Girl,

What is it that is nagging at you after reading this post?
What sort of a feeling do you get?

Monday, 30 April 2012 @ 9:39am
14: light heart says:

Radlove,
My take is…. (and I know you know all this, but it bears repeating until it becomes reality, not just for you, but for all)

…..that deep down inside, you feel that you are not good enough !

You can’t get love and affection from outside yourself, because you still really don’t think you deserve it.

A lot of that comes from you really believing what the inner judge tells you about what it means when something that you don’t want to happen happens

(it is telling you that you’re not good enough, otherwise it wouldn’t have happened.). For example,

“Oh, my man is staring at that woman over there. I must not be good enough.” You get the picture.

You have to start believing more from the POV that you are OK, even more than OK, just as you are, and that what other people do is not all about you.

You are entitled to feel anger, hurt, betrayal, etc. if an agreement was broken, but it is just of no benefit whatsovever to totally invest in believing what the inner judge tells you that it is supposed to mean about YOU when that man is staring at that woman.

Not that you would stop your efforts to lose weight or use Rori tools. But none of that will work if you feel SO not good enough, to even have a chance to work properly.

what is this ?:
“And I want and need it so bad that I keep messing it up with R, even tho he has come back to me again and again for 3 years, when I truly didn’t deserve it.”

It’s you believing that what you do makes you not good enough for R to come back to you, and that is not true, and it is what prevents real relationship, with him or any man.

much love

light heart

Monday, 30 April 2012 @ 9:43am
15: Jilly says:

Good morning Sirens!

Well this weekend felt so warm and yummy. Rugby man and I went camping with friends. It was just how I’ve always wished my life would be. AND…. He told me he loved me.

He is so strong and caring and I feel so happy and good.

Thank you Universe
Thank you Rori
Thank you Sirens
Thank you life

I love my life…

Monday, 30 April 2012 @ 9:47am
16: Jilly says:

This is how I feel….

“I just sat there and cried. The love and joy is just so overwhelming and long overdue.”

Monday, 30 April 2012 @ 9:48am
17: light heart says:

Radlove, I agree with Turquoise #10
I go years without and that just sucks big time.
so I will be doing that with someone who I find attractive enough, but most likely not LTR material,
and not likely I would get attached.
Just because I like to treat myself well. Because
I am worth it. haha, just now got a text from a CD I havent met yet, saying “needing love now”…well, alrighty then…maybe , maybe not. I have options.

light heart

Monday, 30 April 2012 @ 9:49am
18: Starla says:

I was wondering how old everyone is here, and if you have kids? I feel curious how I fit in here.

Monday, 30 April 2012 @ 9:49am
19: light heart says:

That is wonderful, Jilly
I’m so happy for you and Rugby man!

it’s what we all deserve!

HUGS

light heart

Monday, 30 April 2012 @ 9:50am
20: Love Actually says:

I feel really dumb about relationships and men right now. I don’t know what is normal and what is not normal and I’m struggling to differentiate and feel like i need to so I can sort out what is my own triggered crap and really where my boundaries are.

LUFC Man has been pulled back and saying over the past couple of weeks (these 2 weeks following 2 really amazing weeks where he stepped up big time) that he is not sure and he is worried that he will be under my thumb and that I go and make plans without consulting him and that he doesn’t get upset about it and he’s worried I will get upset with him and he will never be able to make me happy and he’s not sure I can hang on while he builds his business, which might mean he is really busy or has to go away…Yesterday he said all this while really tenderly holding my hand (which is NOT something he enjoys usually – he says it makes him feel smothered or trapped or something to that effect).

Help! Is this in the realm of normal – him pulling back cuz he’s scared – or because he doesn’t want to be in a relationship with me?

Monday, 30 April 2012 @ 9:54am
21: Love Actually says:

@18: Starla
I have one son (14) and I’m 45.
How about you?

Monday, 30 April 2012 @ 9:57am
22: April Rose says:

Jilly,

I feel happy. I love the simplicity I feel about love, from reading that your wishes are coming true.

Monday, 30 April 2012 @ 9:58am
23: Love Actually says:

Funny, I feel about 14 right now with respect to my competency with relationships and men.

Monday, 30 April 2012 @ 9:58am
24: Love Actually says:

I feel weird being on a blog so much lately (I’ve never shared so personally online)…

I feel grateful for all of you and this blog…

I feel overwhelmed when I am away from the blog and then trying to catch up on what has been written and wanting to connect in a personal way with what has been written and it stirs up emotions in me too and then struggling to remember everything everyone has said when the comment they wrote is like 200 above where I would leave a new comment.

I have to go to a job interview…I feel nervous…I want to stay here…

Monday, 30 April 2012 @ 10:01am
25: Starla says:

I’m 27, no kids, feeling like my time is never gonna come:(

Monday, 30 April 2012 @ 10:03am
26: Turquoise says:

I am 38, and my girls are 9 & 11

Monday, 30 April 2012 @ 10:04am
27: Emerson says:

This really speaks to me because when I first started reading her story, I felt that she only had two choices and I kind of got “locked” into those two options in her world….but there were clearly more than those two men to pick from…and she was able to see it and break free for herself and wow…how brave she is. I am a few years older than her, but it makes me feel that I can be open to a younger man if he is the right one.

I am going to remember not to limit myself and this article really speaks to me…thanks Rori.

Monday, 30 April 2012 @ 10:09am
28: light heart says:

20 LoveActually

There really is no normal and not normal,
I believe it starts with knowing exactly what you want,
and then communicating that to your man in a way that makes him sit up and take notice of how well you take care of yourself. for instance, something like, “I like to be in a relationship where….” and he tells you what he wants,

then if you both want the same things and respect each other,

you can make clear agreements together about what that is supposed to look like, and what the consequences might be should those agreements be broken without discussing it first.

But yeah, getting rid of a lot of confusion, I think it goes back to knowing what you want, and what’s good for you.

light heart

Monday, 30 April 2012 @ 10:10am
29: Starla says:

i’m being e*vil today. i am hoping CF is missing me terribly and suffering and crying himself to sleep questioning if he made the right choice.

Monday, 30 April 2012 @ 10:13am
30: Jilly says:

Thank you light heart and April Rose

It seriously has NEVER been easier or better than this….EVER… and I don’t feel anxiety about it either…it feels freeing and wonderful…

I am 32 with no kids…

Monday, 30 April 2012 @ 10:15am
31: Emerson says:

Radlove I feel sad reading the end of your post when you say you didn’t “deserve it”….I feel angry that you would feel that way about yourself and protective of you against that thought.

Monday, 30 April 2012 @ 10:17am
32: Tam says:

@Starla, mid thirties, never been married and no kids. You have plenty of time. One of my best friends met the man of her dreams aged 50 and is getting married for the first time and that gives me – and I suspect many others – lots of hope.
Not that I want to wait that long!!!

Monday, 30 April 2012 @ 10:19am
33: CurvySiren10 says:

Radlove, from someone who shares your weight issues. I can tell you that NO weight loss program will make up for not feeling as if you “deserve” self-care and healthy eating. Permanent weight loss occurs when your desire to take care of the wonderful person who is you outweighs the desire to eat for comfort and emotional reasons. I have lost over 120 lbs. so far and have more to go, but I know it’s all a bandaid over a serious injury UNLESS and UNTIL I love myself enough to take care of the physical me lovingly ..with good food and exercise.

This has been very enlightening to me. I know Jilly addresses this on her “Aligned Weight Loss” site and program. I am a really big believer in this now after spending a lifetime thinking it was all about calories and dieting.

I still struggle but I am getting there. It’s all about self-love and esteem. Being overweight can really wreak havoc on our psyches….I know this first hand.

Monday, 30 April 2012 @ 10:22am
34: Turquoise says:

Aaaawwwwwwwwwww Jilly bean!!!!! So so happy for you!

Monday, 30 April 2012 @ 10:22am
35: Starla says:

What’s extra weird about today is all these people who became upset with me/went into silent mode with me are contacting me today.

Even my mother. She emailed me to say she is so sorry I didn’t get into grad school (grandma told her) and that she is sending me love and hugs.

Then she suggested another school, which irked me, but that is just how she is, always trying to solve people’s problems.

Monday, 30 April 2012 @ 10:23am
36: Radlove says:

Turquoise,

RE: #10 – LOL. LOLOLOLOL!

Monday, 30 April 2012 @ 10:24am
37: Radlove says:

{{{Love Actually}}}

#11

Monday, 30 April 2012 @ 10:26am
38: CurvySiren10 says:

Starla, 51 with kids (12-22). Divorced in the past year. Navigating the relationship world as a siren this time. The ladies on here run the gamut. You have plenty of time. I am so impressed with how you’re getting through this cf thing. I’m also glad that your anger is surfacing. I personally think he went about this in a very cowardly non-manly way. I think the anger you’re feeling now is a sign of great healing taking place.

Monday, 30 April 2012 @ 10:29am
39: light heart says:

Starla,
Been married and divorced once, had two children, now grown. I’ve done so much work on my inner world, so it would be nice to have a relationship with a man where I am most special to him and him to me to grow old with. I’m not desperate or frantic, nor will I feel lucky to just have anyone. I focus on living as well as I can with what I have been given. loving myself and other people, not giving up or saying, what’s the point, and am staying open to receive him.

light heart

Monday, 30 April 2012 @ 10:30am
40: Radlove says:

Light heart,

RE: #14 – thank you, that helps so much. You hit the nail on the head. You sirens are wonderful.

Monday, 30 April 2012 @ 10:31am
41: CurvySiren10 says:

Jilly, I feel so happy for you too!

Monday, 30 April 2012 @ 10:32am
42: Starla says:

Oooh I feel so excited learning more about you ladies!

CurvySiren, you always say the most amazing things to me. I wish you were my mom;)

Monday, 30 April 2012 @ 10:38am
43: GivingGirl says:

@13 April Rose

It’s Allison’s new relationship with the 24 year old. I feel she is babying him. He sounds so sweet & vulnerable. I feel she thinks she’s above him and she’s doing him favors to feel better about himself. I don’t feel she’s with him for the right reasons. He may be giving her all the things she wants, but I don’t think he’s making her happy. I don’t know, it sounds good on paper, but it just doesn’t feel good to me.

Monday, 30 April 2012 @ 10:41am
44: Love Actually says:

@28: light heart

Thank you for offering your thoughts…

What you say makes alot of sense to me, I definitely need to be more clear about what I want in a very practical day to day way that I can say to him, it feels good when…or I want a relationship in which I can…

I think we are in this back and forth stage of discovery right now and I can see that if I was still dating other men, this would be so much easier for me, but I am 2 years in and I don’t feel comfortable to backtrack all the way to dating at the moment.

I feel afraid because I think there will always be things that two people don’t agree on or ebbs and flows in energy and wants for being close and being alone. I tend to strive very hard myself to live in my own integrity and have been told throughout my life by most folks I come into contact with that I am too hard on myself and for some folks they take this as too hard for them too – that what I expect of myself, I expect of them…which is true of LUFC Man – I do expect honesty, integrity, kindness, mutuality to a very high degree and have told him I have very high expectations, and he is capable and has seemed like he wants to step up and has stepped up and I am struggling to let go of past hurts with him and it seems like it is so hard – we both feel this way and yet want to keep working on it and he keeps trying to do what he thinks I am asking for and sometimes he misses the mark and it’s confusing for him and me too- maybe this is the rough patch and the really good stuff will come for longer and longer periods.

Monday, 30 April 2012 @ 10:45am
45: lk says:

wow, curvy siren ! congratulations on losing 120 lbs that must feel really amazing…. : ))

Monday, 30 April 2012 @ 10:54am
46: Radlove says:

Emerson,

RE: #31 – “Radlove I feel sad reading the end of your post when you say you didn’t “deserve it”….I feel angry that you would feel that way about yourself and protective of you against that thought.”

Thank you. I have aired a whole lot of the stuff I have messed up in my relationship with R the last three years. If I were to air all of the serious mistakes I made, stuff Rori never even thot of a woman doing wrong, maybe you would agree with me that I didn’t deserve him coming back.

But maybe I worded it wrong. I deserve a loving good man in my life. But maybe the way I should have worded it is that most men would have taken off time and time again after the serious social faux pas I did, and the serious yelling and swearing I did. But R kept coming back again and again. And I feel sure he still will come back.

But over and over I either declare my love or put pressure on him to give me more love. And even tho mentally I understand that’s not cool, I just keep doing it. It is a miracle in my view that R is still anywhere in sight.

He has a lot more tolerance and acceptance than the average man because he knows what it feels like to be laughed at when you have shortcomings. Because his schizophrenia has left him with a lot of hard rejection when he is out in public, and in interactions with other women.

I love him with all my heart.

Monday, 30 April 2012 @ 10:55am
47: Radlove says:

Curvy,

RE: #33 – Thanks, I agree.

Monday, 30 April 2012 @ 10:56am
48: GivingGirl says:

@27 Starla

I’m 36, no kids and I feel the same way as you.

Monday, 30 April 2012 @ 10:57am
49: Radlove says:

My dogs are so intelligent and so tuned in to me! When I pick up my coat, purse, and keys, they know I’m going out. No big deal there. But just now I put a barrette in my hair, something I only do when I’m going out, and my dog came up to me smiling and waggin, LOL! So cute!

Gonna take my girls for a ride in the car!

Monday, 30 April 2012 @ 11:00am
50: CurvySiren10 says:

Thank you lk. It does feel amazing. I can’t begin to describe how my life has transformed because of it. But in order to get the rest off (another 30-40 lbs) and KEEP it off, I have to keep working on self-love and care. There is no other way…the healthy eating and activity that has always been so hard to do falls in to place almost effortlessly once you truly love yourself and put yourself first.

Jilly could expound on this so much better than I can, but I believe it wholeheartedly.

Monday, 30 April 2012 @ 11:01am
51: lk says:

jilly, your website is really neat & inspiring & feels good & refreshing to read : )

Monday, 30 April 2012 @ 11:06am
52: Sassy says:

Radlove-many virtual hugs and love to you.
I keep repeating this saying to myself as I’m trying to recognize my past patterns (as FeminineWoman brings up frequently, thank you FW!) and changing what I dont like or want and remove or change:
“if you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always get what you’ve always gotten.”
I am looking at my patterns in all areas of my life and figuring out what I have control over that I can change. I sure can’t change the past, but I can direct my present and my future and be the best I can be for me!
I am 56, have two daughters, two grandsons and one granddaughter.

Monday, 30 April 2012 @ 11:10am
53: Goodheart says:

Aww, Jilly, I’m so happy for you! I can actually feel your happiness. I am teary-eyed.

Monday, 30 April 2012 @ 11:13am
54: lk says:

Radlove… i do believe it is all about the Beliefs you hold about your Value or what you Deserve.

you deserve perfect bliss : ) you are a Creature of God – you are part of His Creation – you are necessarily Perfect, Perfectly Loving, Perfectly Loved, Perfectly Worthy….

i don’t Believe in “guilt” & i do not Believe that you have ever done anything in your life to make you Less Worthy of love & happiness – in the Bible, over & over, You Are Forgiven ! He Died For Your Sins ! it’s really amazing the Love that the Bible describes & i want that & i aspire to that….

in a lot of situations, i have heard of people “giving it up to God” – i feel curious if that would help you when you feel conflicted about Men, Sexuality, Other Humans, R, etc…. i feel curious if you could want to just STOP making your own “decisions” or… Taking Action…. & just…… give it up to Him ?

that sounds beautiful to me, but i’m not sure how it would feel for you… or how it is that you feel now about that…

i know that your Relationship with God feels most important to you & i want to be respectful of you & your Relationship.

Monday, 30 April 2012 @ 11:20am
55: CurvySiren10 says:

starla, that is such a sweet thing to say! I would love that…i’m a pretty cool mom too. my daughter and i are very close and i’m trying so hard to teach her things i wish i knew when i was 18….

i feel very protective and concerned about you. you impress me so much with your maturity and self-love and growth. you have SO much in your favor at such a young age. you’re gonna have an awesome life!!!

Monday, 30 April 2012 @ 11:24am
56: Jilly says:

Wow!!! thank you CurvySiren10…I feel teary eyed and happy and excited with your posts

Your weight loss journey feels so good and inspiring to hear and you totally get it… You know how this works and I feel honored that you mentioned my name…thank you You sound soooo good!

You said it perfectly, “There is no other way…the healthy eating and activity that has always been so hard to do falls in to place almost effortlessly once you truly love yourself and put yourself first.” Brilliant!!

Monday, 30 April 2012 @ 11:40am
57: Jilly says:

lk…thank you I feel happy hearing that… I absolutely love it.

Good Heart…awwww, thank you….and I’m not sure if you realized how much you influenced us here with the “Universe Box” tool…it is awesome and I know there are lots of us doing it

Turquoise…ha! I love that you called me Jilly bean and thank you

K I’m still catching up on posts

Monday, 30 April 2012 @ 11:44am
58: Mel says:

I’m being reminded that this is a continuous process.

I was invited to go on a vacation… which feels super fun and happy and exciting. And my “old” self wanted to jump in and start doing research on the best place to go and find a really great deal and email him all of these amazing links…

But then I caught myself…. stop it! It would feel a little “Eeek!” to give up control and be open to whatever. But yet, it would also feel freeing to just let HIM do this. Let him plan it, take care of it, surprise me, feel like the vacation hero. Yes… stop it.

Monday, 30 April 2012 @ 11:46am
59: Mel says:

Yay Jilly!!!! You are too cute!

Monday, 30 April 2012 @ 11:49am
60: Dominique says:

Love Always – How about trying this – let go of your expectations, for yourself mostly but also for others, intimate relationships included. And now try just enjoying what is.

So you didn’t finish your project. So what. So it isn’t perfect. So what. So the house is a mess. So what. So your man messed up. So what. So you leaned forward or overfunctioned or do whatever it is that make you feel cringey inside.

Life can be so much more fun when you can let go (mostly) of perfectionism which is how I’m reading you having very high expectations.

Expectations can be a form of control, and when you carry them, you set yourself up for disappointment, for hardly anyone, even yourself can live up to expectations. Plus you will also will miss out on so much of the potential wonderfulness already right there in front of you.

When I say letting go of expectations though, I’m not talking about things that would just be without thought in a good relationship, eg. love and respect.

We all make mistakes; we all do and say stupid things, and so do our men. It doesn’t have to be a negative unless it becomes a pattern with him. Then it’s maybe time for some rethinking.

I’m also not saying that this is you necessarily. Yet it might be. It could be something interesting, fun, maybe challenging to try on for size.

xxoo

Monday, 30 April 2012 @ 11:49am
61: Goodheart says:

I felt my heart swell when I read about the Universe Box, Jilly I used it when I wasn’t feeling well & I just didn’t know what to do anymore. I just wrote “me” on a piece of paper & put it in there.

Now I need to put “my face” in there because I am breaking out like a teenager & it’s lowering my vibe.

I’m really touched that other sirens are using the box

Monday, 30 April 2012 @ 11:52am
62: Goodheart says:

Haha – walking around with a box on my face might actually help!

Monday, 30 April 2012 @ 11:55am
63: arrowofthyme says:

This is my first comment here – hopefully my story will help other people and give me some comfort too. I’ve also been practicing receiving instead of being in my masculine. i met an awesome guy who for months was pursuing me and taking me out. i let him pay for everything, i practiced receiving and speaking with “i feel”, and responded in different ways than i used to before whenever i got triggered. he was pretty smitten. after about 10 dates, i started cooking a meal or two or offering to pay for little things. And i started to wonder when he was going to commit to me, but i didnt push it. On the 14th date he looked at me and said he wished he was a woman because they can just go out on a date and get fed. it He had been very poor growing up and it turns out he had been feeling resentful that i never offered to pay for my share. it was shocking. i thought he was enjoying the pursuit and that i had found someone who was masculine and caring. i tried to stay open and point out that i had cooked a few dinners and reciprocated but that i feel good when men are taking me out. that its ok for me to want that, and it doesnt make me a gold digger. since then its been hard not to shut down – every meal is tense, and we started to split them. i make much less than him. its so hard to not turn into a cactus when i feel attacked. this time i felt sideswiped. has anyone gotten this weird bait and switch before?

Monday, 30 April 2012 @ 12:09pm
64: Starla says:

oooh i am so angry bones today.
love to me
and love to my anger
grrrrrrrrr

Monday, 30 April 2012 @ 12:14pm
65: Radiant Rising says:

Hi Goodheart!

(((HUGS))) If you would like to try for your skin, hold your index, middle fingers and thumb like they are a laser and imagine laser painting your face with the colors blue (to calm down the pain if you have any), then green (to reduce inflammation) then yellow. Yellow is the color of joy and personal power, and it is used to treat skin, and sugar imbalances as well as digestive issues (it is the color of our solar plexus chakra). Can do each color for three minutes (or whatever time you like) and envision all of the impurities being washed away fromt he colors. Can imagine yellow repairing and revitalizing the skin tissue bringing it back to a healthy glow.

I suddenly feel embarrassed and fearful like this may be scoffed at, but I had to share. Try it and see if it works. There are so many options when it comes to skin. Anti inflammatory foods are really helpful in getting your glow and vibrance back as well. Feel free to email me too if you want. Love ya, good luck!

Monday, 30 April 2012 @ 12:16pm
66: Dominique says:

Radiant – I love working with energy and especially energy and colors for healing. I’m working on a video series which will include a lot of this. I love this one you outlined here.

xxoo

Monday, 30 April 2012 @ 12:29pm
67: Radiant Rising says:

Hi Dominique,

Thank you! How wonderful about your video series. I would love to see it once it is completed. Any idea how long it will be?

Monday, 30 April 2012 @ 12:36pm
68: light heart says:

29: Starla says:

“i’m being e*vil today. i am hoping CF is missing me terribly and suffering and crying himself to sleep questioning if he made the right choice.”

Yes, he’s saying this to himself right now:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xrOek4z32Vg

light heart

Monday, 30 April 2012 @ 12:51pm
69: Brandylion says:

Starla, I’m 30, no kids. As I’ve mentioned before, I had one relationship in college and didn’t date at all in my 20s until I met PriestCD right before I turned 30. Talk about feeling like your time is never going to come–I’m in the dating process where a lot of women are when they’re a decade younger!

Monday, 30 April 2012 @ 1:11pm
70: Goodheart says:

Radiant, so happy to hear from you It’s so amazing because I just spent 15 minutes meditating & I was seeing a lovely shade of blue over my face, which felt so calming to me so I went with it & just focused on healing energy on my face.

It’s so nice of you to comment to me & I value your opinion. I am going to do this meditation every day & paint my face with blue, green, and yellow.

I absolutely love this idea

Monday, 30 April 2012 @ 1:29pm
71: Goodheart says:

Oh and also, Radiant, what kinds of anti-inflammatory foods would you recommend?

I hope you are doing well – with your reiki and all aspects of your life. How is everything in your world?

Monday, 30 April 2012 @ 1:32pm
72: Coco Kisses says:

Wow that story is sooooooo beautiful!!!!!!

Monday, 30 April 2012 @ 1:36pm
73: Gemini says:

Starla…I’m 35, divorced with 2 kids (4 & 10). Somehow I managed to get married once (although it ended in disaster), now I’m trying to figure out how to go about things the right way this time around…fresh start! I’d love to hear more about the Universe Box…

Monday, 30 April 2012 @ 1:36pm
74: Francesca says:

I’m 47, no kids, never married. I am now in a committed relationship with EC. We have just celebrated our one year anniversary on the 23rd.

If everything goes according to plan, which means getting my driver’s license, I will be moving in with him at the end of this year.

Monday, 30 April 2012 @ 1:42pm
75: Turquoise says:

I live my universe box too Goodheart! Sometimes I’ll pull on out in the morning and it helps me focus my energy to that one like raise, new car, etc. I put it back in right away, after kidding the paper

Monday, 30 April 2012 @ 1:45pm
76: Goodheart says:

Gemini, the Universe Box is just a box of your choosing. Mine is rather small, but pretty. I put a little note on the outside, “Universe” in my favorite color.

Whenever, I have a problem or a want, a need, a desire, an issue I write it on a piece of paper & put it in the Universe Box. Then I turn my attention away from it & let the universe work its magic.

It’s a way of letting go of things that we may not have much control over anyway. And we open ourselves up to amazing ways of creating our desires & solving our problems because the Universe can open more doors then we’d ever be able to imagine

It’s helped me relax & release stress.

Monday, 30 April 2012 @ 1:46pm
77: Turquoise says:

Oh dear lord… Auto correct! That should say love my box pull one out, and kissing it

Monday, 30 April 2012 @ 1:53pm
78: Starla says:

I went and got myself a smoothie since I still can’t eat very much food (my poor emotional stomach) and had a rent check made at the bank. I also wrote my mom back and it brought tears to my eyes. I just said thank you for the nice note, and that I have been feeling so sad. Usually I would try to be prickly or overfunction.

My mom must have felt that I am hurting right now. My grandma can always feel it.

I think it’s time to go to the bathroom for a good cry, lol…

Monday, 30 April 2012 @ 1:54pm
79: Starla says:

I feel so happy that so many of you are answering my query about age/kids/marriage. I feel seen! Thank you!

Monday, 30 April 2012 @ 1:55pm
80: Francesca says:

(((Starla)))

I’m sorry you’re still feeling off today.

I totally understand as I’m feeling the same way, obviously not for the same reasons, but still…

It probably has something to do with my troubled sleep these days.

Monday, 30 April 2012 @ 1:59pm
81: Goodheart says:

Turquoise, I take out the slips sometimes too just to see if there are any I’ve forgotten.

Oh, and I actually have a second Universe box. This one is like a vision board. It’s a really pretty box with pictures of lovely flowers all over it. On the top of the box I spelled out (with letters cut out from magazines) “Whatever is Contained in this box IS!” (meaning that it exists in my vortex & I just have to allow it to come into my physical life).

I’ve put all sorts of pictures in there (dream car, flowers, decor, jewelry – anything that makes me smile). I also cut out some words from magazines, “Happy” “Love” “Fun” and toss them in there too

I’ve already received some of the things (after I had forgotten they were even in there

Monday, 30 April 2012 @ 2:00pm
82: Starla says:

Francesca, thank you:) I am going to feel off for a while. I circled a date a month out from when I texted last week to let him know i was also gonna go silent, and I give myself permission to be ‘off’ until then. This is serious heartbreak for me, and that’s okay.

Monday, 30 April 2012 @ 2:01pm
83: Tam says:

So now this is interesting. Inside the mind of the ‘unavailable’ man. After 1 1/2 years of on/off and him always contacting me again after a break, I finally told him how I felt (that I had feelings for him), and that I am not up for FWB, only a serious relationship. So he replies this (doesn’t want to close doors but no commitment):

‘It is best that we stay friends for sure.. we want different things – FWB would be best for me, not so much for you.. so – we agree .. ‘

I am torn between being grateful for his honesty (mainly) and feeling flat, since I know we both have feelings and he has his issues to work through. Should I answer him that I don’t want to be friends and we just leave it there, or should I not answer anything and just step away. I tend to the latter.

What would you do? It’s hard but I am not going to convince him of anything, there is no point.

Aw I knew he would think this…didn’t expect any different really, would have been nice tho

Monday, 30 April 2012 @ 2:02pm
84: Starla says:

My mom wrote back and said it’s okay if i don’t want to, but that i can always talk to her or email her.

awww thanks, strange lady who lied to me and disappeared out of my life multiple times.

Monday, 30 April 2012 @ 2:02pm
85: Starla says:

((((((((Tam))))))))))

Monday, 30 April 2012 @ 2:04pm
86: Tam says:

@ Starla. I feel for you. You’ll get through it, you seem like a strong person. I know it’s hard.

Monday, 30 April 2012 @ 2:05pm
87: Tam says:

((((((Starla)))))

Monday, 30 April 2012 @ 2:05pm
88: Francesca says:

Starla, I love how strong you are in spite of everything.

Monday, 30 April 2012 @ 2:07pm
89: Gemini says:

Goodheart…thanks for the explanation about the Universe Box, I love that idea! My friend is always hyping her ‘Vision Board’ thing too, so I know there’s something there with the visual, concrete representations of abstract stuff…thank you!

Monday, 30 April 2012 @ 2:14pm
90: Gemini says:

@Starla…thanks for asking the question! I’m new here, so it’s nice to get a feel for the range of lovely ladies here bless

Monday, 30 April 2012 @ 2:15pm
91: Tam says:

I decided that it doesn’t matter whether feelings are involved on both sides or not, if a guy is not into you or more into you than you are into him, all the love in the world isn’t going to make you happy. So it is possible to love someone and not want what they have to offer. End of.
Hope that feeling lasts

Monday, 30 April 2012 @ 2:18pm
92: Love Actually says:

60: Dominique

I feel so much fear reading your post – tears streaming down my face and knots in my stomach and my shoulders are all bunched up. I know I have control issues with LUFC Man right now.

He made some really, really major mistakes last year that just left me feeling crushed and I separated myself from him and when he came back to me I set up all kinds of HUGE expectations around what hoops he would have to jump through to prove himself and he has jumped quite a bit and is now resisting quite a bit too.

I just don’t know how to let go…I am terrified. I’m not even sure of what. I feel kind of foolish. I am afraid of losing him. I am afraid of never having this kind of attraction again – it’s off the hook crazy for both of us.

I get triggered like crazy and everything passes across my face and he often reacts to what is on my face before I am even realizing what I’m feeling…

I’ve been trying to do as much yoga as I can, meditation, visualization, walking, getting involved in new activities on my own, using feeling messages as much as possible (which has been amazing when I am able to do it). Lately though, he is feeling very weighed down by my focus on him…ewwww, I feel so pathetic and also kind of tender towards myself. I was so hurt and of course its going to take some time to heal…

Monday, 30 April 2012 @ 2:19pm
93: Dominique says:

Sending you much love Love Actually. I didn’t want to upset you, yet sometimes a good stirring up is needed.

You know all of this you are feeling, all the fears you are experiencing are feelings and fears we all carry to some degree or another.

I certainly have had all of these and more, and I can still have them, but it gets easier.

Awareness is the hugest piece, for you have something to work with. And letting go is a process. It can feel easy, or it can feel incredibly difficult depending on its depth and hold it has on your psyche and heart.

It’s easy for me to say, “stop thinking so much. get out of your head and into your body,” but I know it’s not so easy to do. Been there sweetheart, nasty feeling stories spinning seemingly endlessly, over and over and over.

So you take it one story at a time. One thought at a time. When a not useful for you thought arises, gently push it away, many times in a row if you have to. Tell it that it’s a lie, and you’re not going to listen to gremlin lies, not in this moment anyway.

Just keep gently turning towards something better feeling whatever this might look like to you.

It can take some time to rewire negative habits. But you see them now, and you CAN let them go.

Please…patience, kindness, and love to yourself as often as you can.

xxoo

Monday, 30 April 2012 @ 2:31pm
94: Starla says:

I think I am going to change CF’s (Crack Fix) name to FI. It stands for F*ckin’ [His first Initial]. My best friend already took the liberty of referring to him as such for a couple weeks now, lol.

I know, I’m full of “hate” today.

Monday, 30 April 2012 @ 2:41pm
95: light heart says:

Love Always

About what you said about having expectations in your relationship,
holding yourself and others to high standards,
and balancing that with the natural ebb and flow that
any relationship has,

I agree with Dominique, that once you have the basics- love, respect, trust and you feel safe with him,

then it’s best to relax about having to have everything be right all of the time, you or him. Cutting each other and ourselves a lot of slack,
and enjoying what is in the moment.

A lot of the time the irrational fear of not being perfect keeps us on high alert, and you also mentioned having some difficulty getting past some old hurts concerning him, yes, I know what you mean. kind of like having post traumatic stress! As much as we can do to keep that in the past and not drag it forward, would be very helpful, too.

light heart

light heart

Monday, 30 April 2012 @ 2:58pm
96: light heart says:

I posted that before I saw your follow up post to Dominique and her response to you.

(((((((((((Love Always))))))))))))))

light heart

Monday, 30 April 2012 @ 3:08pm
97: Coco Kisses says:

34/1 beautiful daughter/ soon to be divorced..married 2.8 years, tomorrow will actually be my 3rd wedding anniverssary

Monday, 30 April 2012 @ 3:10pm
98: Francesca says:

lk, your new pic looks great.

Monday, 30 April 2012 @ 3:10pm
99: Coco Kisses says:

My husband sent me a text today saying thanks for everything u saud to me yesterday, ..i know it was from ur heart….i didnt respond to it…i just erased it….i am moving forward and am emotionally removing him from my life….this is what feels good…i went to match.com to start a profile….i felt closed up just looking at the phitos of different men…wow, i didnt expect to feel like that, so what ive done is just look at each phot and profile and say outloud im the aur that u need to breathe….i am preparing myself to cd

Monday, 30 April 2012 @ 3:16pm
100: Lily says:

Starla,
I’ve been lurking here for weeks, feeling inspired and getting to know y’all. I have been wanting to join the conversation and I felt too nervous. So now I’m taking your question as an opportunity to introduce myself.

I’m 28, never married, no kids of my own. I’ve been seeing my good Mandolin Man for almost four years, on and off, mostly on. Our romance has been peppered with lots of drama and a few crummy situations. Rori’s philosophy has started to turn those around for me. I am starting to feel my goddess energy and use my siren power. I feel excited and filled with joy!

Starla, I love reading your comments. I feel connected to you. From what I’ve read, it looks like you and I have a lot in common. Blessings on you.

Thanks for getting me talking.

Monday, 30 April 2012 @ 3:17pm
101: Starla says:

98 coco kisses, i like your style, you’re so brave right now. I can’t bring myself to stay on match.com for every long, but that is a great idea to help me get through it!!

Monday, 30 April 2012 @ 3:20pm
102: Radlove says:

LK and Sassy,

Wow, you are amazing. Thank you for your beautiful words! They touch my heart, soul, mind and spirit!

I am in a rush here because I caved and set up a CD for tonight…before I implode! No time to write more.

Monday, 30 April 2012 @ 3:31pm
103: Francesca says:

Wow, Coco, sounds like you’ve really moved on!

Monday, 30 April 2012 @ 3:33pm
104: Starla says:

I feel so pretty today. I went to the bathroom on my lunch today to put on some makeup, but didn’t need to. My skin looks radiant and my hair is natural and my eyes are plain, but I just love me!

Monday, 30 April 2012 @ 3:52pm
105: Sassy says:

Radlove-You go grrrrllll!!! Have a fabulous time for YOU!

Monday, 30 April 2012 @ 3:53pm
106: Francesca says:

EC told me he thought our relationship was pretty solid after a year.

I felt so pleased to hear him say that.

I am so grateful he said it first too!

That really is a relief!

Monday, 30 April 2012 @ 3:57pm
107: Lucy says:

subscribing

Monday, 30 April 2012 @ 3:58pm
108: Radlove says:

And this is where I get frustrated. The dude was making these huge delays between texts. Finally the plan seemed solid enough to where I went and took a thorough shower.

Of course when I get all dolled up, I come out of the bathroom to a text that says can we meet tomorrow instead?

I instinctively wrote back, Ok, no problem. Should I give him a text message that says something to that effect? I don’t want to tell him I’m angry, but I am. I HATE this. I get all excited, I feel sure enough to where I tell you all on the blog that I have a date, and it seems to happen every time.

So now I either get undressed and sit home frustrated and annoyed and lonely AGAIN…or I take my dressed up self out somewhere. And I don’t have many options, because I am down to about $2.

So should I send him a feeling message about hanging me up? If so, what would be a good way to say it?

I am thinking, “I feel weird saying this, but I feel frustrated when I get all showered and dressed up only to find a raincheck. If I had known an hour earlier, I would have been getting ready an hour earlier.

It all sounds blaming. I actually had one date with this man last June. I should probably let it go since we just newly reconnected after almost a year, huh?

Monday, 30 April 2012 @ 4:11pm
109: Francesca says:

Rad, you could gently mention it to him tomorrow when you meet him in person.

What do you think?

Monday, 30 April 2012 @ 4:18pm
110: Coco Kisses says:

@ Starla and Francesca…i still feel a bit scared because i dont know what the futrure holds for me and my baby girl….but it will be good…ive made the decision to move forward after speaking to my husband on Sunday….he made it crystal clear he is not willing to work on the marriage and his vibe towards me was straight friends he has absolutely no sexual/romantic attraction to me at all. I realized that he isnt coming over because he cares soooooo much about us, but that he isnt ready to fully let go, and by seeing us every few weeks when he gets too lonely ….and is missing us too badly, the second another woman he really cares for comes on the scene he will drop us like a hot potato…im not even angry with him…im just like ok i get it, its time to move forward

Monday, 30 April 2012 @ 4:23pm
111: Love Actually says:

92: Dominique
95: light heart

Thank you both so, so much. I have been toying with this whole control thing already and likely still wanting to resist the idea and reading your post kind of gently pushed me back in the right direction. Funny, in the past few days I have had this weird congestion in my chest and throat (not a cold or anything) which feels like things I need to let out of my body – maybe the not so needed protections I am carrying around with me to keep safe. I think I need to find a new way to feel safe so that this relationship has a shot.

I can almost taste the part where I can rest back and enjoy as long as the love, care, respect and trust are there and the one thing that is missing for me is the trust and I will just have to keep holding myself very tenderly around this issue. He is working very hard to build trust again and struggles with feeling wrong and bad every time I have a panic attack and want to talk about it (the past that is), he wants to move on and not talk about it so much. He has apologized and is conducting himself differently and is struggling with my emotional mania (yes, post traumatic stress of sorts for sure).

In this moment, after describing this here and thinking about what if I could describe to you what he has been doing so you could understand, suddenly I understand even more how much he has been reaching out to me. This is a man who, in the past, would almost squirm in pain to see me cry and want me to stop! Now he reaches to hold me (albeit sometimes briefly) whenever I start to cry. Wow, when I remember these new moments I feel absolutely 100% cherished and cared for.

This helps to turn the gremliny voice in my head into a whisper for the moment.

((((Dominique))))
((((light heart))))

I am going to go take a fabulous bubble bath.

Monday, 30 April 2012 @ 4:23pm
112: Jan says:

Starla- I just wanted to say that I can hear your struggle. You are doing such a great job of expressing yourself and getting your feelings out here– in a safe place!
I also love all the talk about moving energy around. I am learning so much here…. Oh- and I am 40, twice married- divorced for the second time this Sept. Two kids age 5, and 9. It makes me feel safe to see the wide spectrum of women, all learning from this blog.

Monday, 30 April 2012 @ 4:26pm
113: Radlove says:

Francesca,

RE: #107 – I think I need to text him tonight. I was thinking it thru, and here’s the deal. This dude has probably a $500,000 house about an hour from where I live, with a pool out back. That’s where I met him last year, because we were going swimming.

This year, I don’t feel comfortable to invite him here, because altho my house is cozy, it is embarrassing in comparison to his.

I am all dressed up and going somewhere, anywhere. And it will use the last few drops of gas I have and the last couple of bucks I have. I was real with him and let him know in FMs that I didn’t have enough gas. He was going to give me gas money.

All that to say after I go out tonight, I won’t have enough gas to get up there until Wednesday. So I am thinking of just letting him know I can’t come til Wed. Still thinking about it.

After all this stuff with R, I feel paranoid about saying the wrong thing and messing it up with a man. So if you have any ideas for FMs, I still welcome them.

Monday, 30 April 2012 @ 4:29pm
114: Gemini says:

@Radlove….oooohh one of my pet peeves, and interesting cuz it seems to be a theme with my current entree! Blah! (so I’m taking notes here)

I like your message…I say send it and see what happens, since this is a new guy, what have you got to lose? if he’s a loser, then you’re saving yourself some drama down the road. I say DON’T just let it go and act like it’s nothing…set your boundaries up front, otherwise you’ll likely get more of the same. and since you’re all dolled up, go out anyways to some public space, read a book or something, and notice yourself getting noticed

Monday, 30 April 2012 @ 4:35pm
115: Francesca says:

Coco, I understand how you feel but I’m sure everything will fall into places.

Seeing how you seem more than ready to put yourself out there, I’m positive that your future will shine.

Monday, 30 April 2012 @ 4:39pm
116: Coco Kisses says:

I guess scared is not the word…..its more like im feeling uncertain, but i know it will be filled with love light and laughter…..be encouraged…i have been through so much in my life….each experience is to move u to the next level of conciousness…every relationship comes to teach u a lesson and to heal u…i realized this a long time ago and have taken each failed relationship as such…i have never given up on finding true love and i never will

Monday, 30 April 2012 @ 4:41pm
117: Coco Kisses says:

@ starla….why cant u stay on match.com very long? How has ur experience been?

Monday, 30 April 2012 @ 4:51pm
118: Radlove says:

Here’s what I decided to text Yorky:

Hey Yorky, since I am now all dressed up with nowhere to go, I decided to use my last drops of gas and few bucks to go somewhere. So my gas tank will be too empty to make it there tomorrow. What about Wednesday? (I already told him I get paid Wed).

Monday, 30 April 2012 @ 5:00pm
119: Radlove says:

He wrote straight back, “Where are you going?

Me: I don’t know, I’m about to leave. Maybe Barnes & Noble.

Y: Why did you dress up to go to Barnes & Noble?

Me: I kept holding off taking a shower until we made definite plans. Oh well.

Y: What did you put on?

Me: When I got out of the shower and got all dressed up, your message was waiting about a raincheck.

Me: Black jeans, brown tank top w sparkly sequins around the neck under a sheer shocking pink, brown, and black blouse.

Y: I didn’t realize you did that.

Me: NP.

Monday, 30 April 2012 @ 5:09pm
120: Francesca says:

Well, Radlove, I believe you deserve to treat yourself if you feel like it!

I hope you’ll enjoy yourself!

Monday, 30 April 2012 @ 5:13pm
121: Francesca says:

Oh, Rad, he sounds upset now, but not at you, at himself!!!

This is good!

Monday, 30 April 2012 @ 5:15pm
122: Starla says:

coco, i feel all weird, like… i’m at a meat market, and you can’t trust what any of them say, anyway, and they all just look disgusting to me, lol.

i prefer craigslist, to be honest, but I think in most cities craigslist is just awful for dating. We’re lucky in my city:)

Monday, 30 April 2012 @ 5:20pm
123: Starla says:

Alaska is shootin arrows my way, thank you Alaska:)

He finds me beautiful and finds my funky moods amusing. Good for him:P

Monday, 30 April 2012 @ 5:22pm
124: Francesca says:

Starla, I used CL when I lived in Montreal and it was just awful.

I wonder why it’s different in your city…

Monday, 30 April 2012 @ 5:29pm
125: Dominique says:

Love Actually – Yay you for seeing these things. Can you embrace them? And you know the trust part starts with you. Trusting in yourself.

xxoo

Monday, 30 April 2012 @ 5:30pm
126: Starla says:

I dunno, but I’ve met lots of nice men off of CL. I still hang out with a bunch of them to this day.

Monday, 30 April 2012 @ 5:31pm
127: Starla says:

I just caught myself saying “As*hole” out loud all angry. It was directed at HIM. Jerkface dumbhead stupideyes.

Monday, 30 April 2012 @ 5:45pm
128: Radlove says:

Francesca,

Ty, I am now CDing myself at McDonald’s. Bookstore was closing at 9.

He texted I’m serious. Send me a picture of you all dressed up. So I did.

I feel like crying, by I’m far more upset that Ryan has backed away again after I overfunctioned …again.

Monday, 30 April 2012 @ 5:54pm
129: light heart says:

109 Love Always

Hi! Oh, I love how you described the change in perception you had about what he’s been doing differently that make you feel cherished and cared for! That’s great!
It sounds like you and he really have a good shot at happily ever after, if you’re both willing to ride out these rough patches. It also sounds by what you described that this is a real opportunity to start shifting things, and taking the pressure off of you and him, by leaning back, trusting in yourself, and practicing just allowing more.

“I am going to go take a fabulous bubble bath.”

There you go ! It is SO funny that you said this.
This man from online dating, who I went out with a couple of times a few years ago, contacted me again. I was pretty sure he was still married then, so I asked him and he said he wasn’t married now.
This is all by email by the way, no phone contact yet.

Anyway, he wants another chance now. He texted me tonight to see if I wanted to go to a movie. He started out by saying, What are you doing this evening? So I told him. working out and taking a bubble bath. then he says, well I was going to offer a movie. i said, I would love to do that with you sometime. he texts back, but not tonite, right? I said, yes, not tonite .

light heart

Monday, 30 April 2012 @ 5:57pm
130: Jan says:

I just did an idiotic thing. I emailed the guy. I told him my feelings. Not one of my finer hours! Now it has been only a few hours but no response.
I feel scared. Why oh why did I do this when I KNOW it is not the plan I should be working on. Geez.

Monday, 30 April 2012 @ 5:57pm
131: light heart says:

I mean, I just hate jumping up and showering and getting all ready at the last minute for a man who hasn’t even talked with me on the phone. and he wants to go to a movie, where you don’t interact with each other ? I don’t like how I feel doing that. So, I’m sorry, but I already have a date for myself.

light heart

Monday, 30 April 2012 @ 6:00pm
132: Starla says:

Oh god, the only guys I check out when I’m out now are long-haired nerds who look like they’re into nerdy stuff and metal. I would have avoided this type like the plague before I started dating CF, and now it’s all I want! I feel so stuck on CF(FI)-type now, but AT LEAST I’m starting to feel attracted to other people, woohoo! But I just caught myself staring at this guy out my window lustfully, woohoo! Progress!

Monday, 30 April 2012 @ 6:03pm
133: Radlove says:

Jan,

I hate when I do that! I’m currently almost shaking like a junkie to avoid contacting Ryan. Sigh. I feel discouraged. He makes it so difficult.

I wish I could just walk away. But I’m in love with him.

Monday, 30 April 2012 @ 6:05pm
134: Starla says:

light heart, very nicely done, Siren:)

Monday, 30 April 2012 @ 6:08pm
135: Radlove says:

My mom didn’t raise me to have an adult life as a wife and a mother. She groomed me to be her lifelong best friend and personal companion.

Monday, 30 April 2012 @ 6:08pm
136: Radlove says:

Starla,

I find myself fixated on long haired men since Ryan. I have always been attracted to long hair, but especially now.

Monday, 30 April 2012 @ 6:11pm
137: Love Actually says:

123: Dominique

Yes, yay me! I am trying to embrace them…sometimes it seems to work and sometimes not…the gremlins in my head are VERY insistent at times.

LUFC Man actually called me about an hour ago even though we had agreed we wouldn’t be in contact for a few days…I said “I feel surprised you are calling, I thought we agreed not to for a few days” He said “I just couldn’t resist”

This felt so good it made me all giggly and warm all over (I was able to notice this in the moment and I let that all out while talking with him) and I was able to tell him how good it felt that he couldn’t resist and that my self imposed exile of sorts felt weird – even though also felt some relief for both of us.

Yes, the trust part I do know begins with me – at least I know it in my head, intellectually. I still seem to somehow want to make him almost wholly responsible for it though. I guess even more than being afraid of being hurt again, I am afraid of being wrong about him – WOW! I just realized this…I wonder what I think that means about me if it turns out I am wrong about him, about my ability to discern – *grin* – there is that control thing again, no? I feel really excited about learning this right now, hopefully I can continue and sustain the yummy parts for longer.

xxoo

Monday, 30 April 2012 @ 6:12pm
138: Radlove says:

I hate life tonight. I feel so weary of disappointment and loneliness.

Monday, 30 April 2012 @ 6:13pm
139: Starla says:

RadLove, (And maybe Jan?),
I just wanted to remind you guys that I am in that boat, too, feeling a crazy love that I keep trying to rationalize in my head will be reciprocated fully and with a real commitment attached (especially if I could just do or say or ask x or y, lol). I feel tempted to contact CF about it all day long, or to act as if he’ll be back. But I just don’t.

Truth is, both contacting him and not contacting him end up S*CKING big time. Either way, it totally s*cks. But at least when I’m not leaning forward, I’m not making it s*ck any worse. Don’t walk into the mouth of the rejection monster.

It is a hard impulse to control when I also feel unworthy or not good enough.

Whew, I feel tired just typing about it!

Monday, 30 April 2012 @ 6:16pm
140: Sassy says:

Where are Daria, FeminineWoman, Flowerchild77, Jessie1000, HealingWaterfall, Lizka, and any other “regular” contributors? Haven’t heard from them in awhile and miss their input!

Monday, 30 April 2012 @ 6:19pm
141: Brandylion says:

Those of you who use CraigsList for CDing: do you post in the platonic-only section? What do you put in your ads?

Monday, 30 April 2012 @ 6:21pm
142: Starla says:

i put mine in w4m

Monday, 30 April 2012 @ 6:31pm
143: Turquoise says:

Radlove, whose mothers groom
Them for that? mine didnt. She raised me to be a good person, but I didn’t get any lessons on being a wife or mom. It would feel really good to hear you letting some of that blame go. You are 48…. Have been an adults get than a child/youth. If you want things to be different, I’d start with the mindset. I hear you telling yourself a constant string of negatives. That feels really sad to me. Who you are now, is up to you… Your choices. I do best when I focus on one area of my life at a time. Starting with what you can do for you only, what is the first thing you want to work on?

Monday, 30 April 2012 @ 6:36pm
144: Healing Waterfall says:

Hi!

Starla,
I had my son when i was 40. He is 12 now. I felt like i would never get married, i remember my 35th bday. But I just feel this nagging intuition when i read your posts and i feel your mom’s mothering of you, it feels like my mom, who is an amazing mom in lots of ways and i love her dearly, but she neglected me because she neglects herself and i felt so unworthy because i internalized it all as a child, i figured it was something to do with me….so this is a long winded way of saying that these feelings you have of being 27 and NK, how much are they in present time and how much are they from old familiar childhood feelings and so i just am sending you a big hug so that you know you totally would be an awesome mom and wife…
and this goes for all you sirens, i just am totally staight out with grades right now and i read most of the posts, just wanted to say that you gals are amazing…
and i like what Turquoise said about having sex Radlove
i like that…
good luck light heart with your options….

gnite

Monday, 30 April 2012 @ 7:38pm
145: Starla says:

((((((Healing Waterfall))))))))

Monday, 30 April 2012 @ 7:42pm
146: LiliBee says:

Oouuufff, trying to catch up here.

I’ve caught up on the last thread, and read this post.

Wow! Amazing story. I feel so happy reading it. It is possible!

I miss you sirens. I’ve been happily busy, but look forward to spending some more time here with you all.
Coming here helps me keep feeling grounded.

I am feeling really good in my relationship. The NVs have been getting quieter and quieter.
I am still feeling peaceful and cheerful.
I am still feeling like D is really ‘with’ me.

He gave me his spare key over the weekend.

He had taken it back exactly 1 year ago when he broke up with me, and this is the 1st time giving it back.
(I didn’t have it when I walked in that Sunday morning, the front door was unlocked).

He has such a relaxed vibe around me now.
He even speaks up. He never did speak up before.
For example, we were preparing dinner together and I got all ‘controlly’. He said “you’re really complainy right now.”
I just said “yeah ey, I am, lol. I feel the little control freak in me taking over. Thanks for letting me know, after a glass of whine I should feel more relaxed. I really love when you step in and help me in the kitchen, especially that I don’t even have to ask. The teamwork makes me feel connected and that makes me feel so happy

I need to acknowledge and make friends with that little control freak in me.
She has me feeling anxious to have everything perfect.
I love that he’s not afraid of her.
He’s seen her before, and he keeps coming into the kitchen anyway like he knows he belongs there, stirring in the simmering pots and poking in the sizzling pans.
He wants teamwork and he won’t let her deter his intentions. lol, I love that!
Now, there’s my strong man

Monday, 30 April 2012 @ 7:44pm
147: Starla says:

LiliBee, that feels peaceful to read about.

Monday, 30 April 2012 @ 7:48pm
148: LiliBee says:

((Starla)) I’ve been reading up on you…You’re doing great feeling your feelings.

Gotta get to bed. Hope to be back and hang out with you all real soon!
I’ll always be back, I love and miss you sirens! xox

Monday, 30 April 2012 @ 7:53pm
149: Starla says:

I love myself for carrying myself outwardly with dignity toward CF. I do not have to lose my dignity in front of a man to prove worthy of love.

Monday, 30 April 2012 @ 7:57pm
150: Radlove says:

T,

Re: #141 – I feel frustrated. it is not blaming my Mom. I feel judged almost every time I really open up on this blog. I am trying to understand myself.

I was not blaming her. I was stating it as fact. It is damn hard to be positive about yourself when all you’ve heard is sharp criticism and yelling all your life.

I”m doing my damn best. Just let me have my process please, or I’ll go back to journaling privately. I get so sick of explaining this obvious stuff.

It’s like if Starla says my mom cut me in my sleep. She’s not blaming her mom. She’s stating a sad fact.

Monday, 30 April 2012 @ 8:24pm
151: Radlove says:

T,

One of my friends is Latina. They groom their children for parenthood from Day 1, calling their children “Mamacita” and “Papi”. Their roles in life are defined and taught.

Most normal parents talk to their kids about adulthood: sex, budgeting, education, marriage.

I was my Mom’s toy.

Monday, 30 April 2012 @ 8:27pm
152: Radlove says:

T,

My Mom is my best friend in the world. I love her dearly. She has been more loyal to me than anyone in the world. I will just copy and paste that statement with everything I say as I am processing why I am so fu(cked up inside.

Sorry about my anger. I am also fuc(ked up in that respect. I am just a big fuc(k up.

Monday, 30 April 2012 @ 8:35pm
153: Starla says:

Thank you, Starla, for getting me dinner.
Thank you for buying me drinking water
Thank you for brushing my teeth
Thank you for washing my clothes
Thank you for putting them all away
Thank you for washing my face
Thank you for taking really nice care of me.
((((((Starla)))))))))

Monday, 30 April 2012 @ 9:00pm
154: Daria says:

that excerpt Feminine Woman posted (thank you) of Rori’s where ‘its the space between the bars that holds the tiger’… its waht we Don’t say that holds the man.. stayed with me and it felt so much easier to choose what NOT to say with that… teh space Between teh bars (feeling messages as bars)

yum

i feel so effortlessly attractive

and the toher women told me i exude a feminine innocence that is so rare these days
heee

i spent the weekend with 5 men and while other women were getting aksed to do stuff and arguing about money I got paid everything for and all the men continuously appreciated me

wow i felt like whoa

it felt like ‘peace’ aroudn me

yum

Monday, 30 April 2012 @ 9:01pm
155: Daria says:

other stuff coming up.. my neighbors wife is stirring up drama w me again and i fell into wanting to downplay and ‘crush’ and beat her

and i want this to heal and jealousy of women to become a non issue in my life in a wonderful healed way

thank u

Monday, 30 April 2012 @ 9:03pm
156: Daria says:

im also feeling way more comfortable with men of ALL ethnicities now yipeee!!

Monday, 30 April 2012 @ 9:05pm
157: Starla says:

Daria 152 wow, i remember when like years ago you were telling us about something that went down that was the total opposite of this, do you remember? You’ve come amazingly far!

Monday, 30 April 2012 @ 9:05pm
158: Daria says:

i saw Getright today,

and gota voicemail from Dman that he had just come back from texas… *shrug* last time i felt a bit disconnected i feel surprised and happy that he thought of me

i wonder if shrug is my – i feel uncomfortable… i feel sad, i feel mad, i feel embarassed, i feel icky

mmm (((Daria)))

Monday, 30 April 2012 @ 9:07pm
159: Daria says:

Starla – yes!! the Authentic man seminar! i feel so excited! yes it WAS the opposite of this… omg i was thinking of that today

this time i not only felt my genuine self BUT also got the diva treatment…

it was all surrender all the way baby!

Monday, 30 April 2012 @ 9:12pm
160: Daria says:

ive been getting man imput and help on one of my other ‘issues’ … ‘assertiveness’… it would feel lovely to have this healed soon too

Monday, 30 April 2012 @ 9:14pm
161: siren song says:

Ha. My angry ex is sexting me. Yikes.

Monday, 30 April 2012 @ 9:36pm
162: Starbright says:

Radlove,

It also seems like some Tony Robbins would really do you good. I watched the second Oprah Class with Tony Robbins on Living Fearlessly tonight.

It also covers things from the first class that Iyana did with Oprah about the story you keep telling about yourself that’s keeping you down.

I think Tony is excellent in getting to the point very quickly with people so that there can be an instantaneous breakthrough. Staying stuck in our stories can mean a lifetime of missed opportunities. I highly recommend it to you.

http://www.oprah.com/oprahs-lifeclass/Oprahs-Lifeclass-the-Tour-Episode-2-Living-Fearlessly

Monday, 30 April 2012 @ 9:41pm
163: Starla says:

((((((((((Starla))))))))))

All is as it should be and magically blessed.

Monday, 30 April 2012 @ 9:45pm
164: Vi says:

Hi, dear Sirens,
I am new to the blog.
And I feel scared of intimacy with anyone – men, women, and (feels awful) – with myself!!! And that is why I am here.. I want to heal this… I have never been close to anyone and usually run from being truly intimate. Craving it secretly..
Aww it feels so scary to be here.. I feel like I’m trying cold ocean water with my toes.. I feel shivering… and yet amazed… I’d like to stick around here if you let me… Writing here feels like I am doing so much for me.. like dating myself.. I feel so scared tho and even sweating…
Love to you sirens,
V.

Monday, 30 April 2012 @ 10:28pm
165: Tiffany says:

Whoo! New post!! I just posted some stuff on the last thread, because it was open on my computer.

But hi ladies. Short story long story short, Happy siren tonight. And it’s my birthday tomorrow.

Happy Birthday to MEEEE!

xoxxox

(((hugs))) all you lovely sirens. Thanks for being awesomes!!

Monday, 30 April 2012 @ 11:18pm
166: Vi says:

Wow… I did it! I wrote here… that was a LAAARGE baby step…. And I feel short of breath and heaviness on the shoulders and butterflies in my belly… love to all my sensations.. love to physical me…
Love to you sirens.
Sigh of relief..

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 12:26am
167: Emerson says:

Where is Lizka?

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 12:28am
168: Silver Moonbeam says:

I feel really sad reading this post and sooo envious of Alison as I can’t even get one date on POF to step up. I get so despairing of that site really I do.

I think I had my chance, yay I got married and had kids, but now I am here all alone and divorced, maybe that’s all I was ever meant to had and should just get on with my life and forget about men altogether unless by some miracle somebody shows up organically.

Do any of you other Sirens feel like this or are you all dating over the place? I know Radlove is finding it a struggle too, I can so relate to her post, it’s like there is some part of me that doesn’t “get” it because according to LOA I should be attracting quality men………and I’m not attracting any except old Uncle Albert’s…………..

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 12:41am
169: Emerson says:

164 SilverMoon
I hear you!!!

My “CD”s have all gone starkly quiet….its so weird. LIke where did they all go????

But I use the term CDs lightly….2 I have never met but only talked on the phone and emailed or TEXTING..(so lame!), one I have only met once & he contacts me few and far between, and one is Recycled who is not even a CD but a saga in himself.

So I think I’m basically starting from scratch.

And so far, I’m feeling a lil empty and anxious (is it panic I feel?)

I know what you mean, I have had relationships too and I wonder if this is the end for me.

But no…I don’t believe that to be true for either of us SilverMoon…I believe we both have more relationships with men in our future.

I’ve been wondering why the doors have been closed and prayed about it and the message I feel I’m getting is taht I still need to work on some inner healing.

My lil girl says “noooo we don’t wanna face all that stuff!!” But I know I have to heal, love, heal, love myself….it is really HARD.

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 12:48am
170: Emerson says:

Hi Tiffany happy bday

Starbright thanks for posting that link with Tony Robins!

Radlove, I love reading about your texting sequence with your date who cancelled…good job girly!! I am so proud of you for using feeling messages and being honest!!!! ((hugs)) to you and your struggles w/your Mom. I struggle with my relationship with my Mom, too. My family is dysfunctional but I love them anyway….it’s just hard to heal from things sometimes. I’m a work in progress too. (((Radlove)))

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 1:04am
171: Tam says:

@Radlove I don’t like it when you verbally abuse yourself….we all have varying degrees of anger and problems and difficult pasts etc., that doesn’t make us unworthy, it makes us REAL HUMAN BEINGS. Please don’t take it out on yourself!! Be good to yourself!! Try?

@ Starla: I love that sentence ‘all is as should be and of you observe carfully you find this to be true’ – I have to tell myself all the time.

I still don’t know if I should even answer my Mr unavailable, since he wrote this long email with all the non-relevant bla bla about work and how he wants to do business together (in response to how I felt)…that he misses me and then the Friends With Benefits remark:

‘It is best that we stay friends for sure.. we want different things – FWB would be best for me, not so much for you.. so – we agree ..’

and yes, for the past 1 1/2 years we have been mainly friends for the mental connection but also attracted to each other. I do not know what, if anything, I should answer….I know Rori says to drop a man who wants to be friends when you want more (well, he wants more too but not what I want). And he is one of my 3 closest friends, so how am I going to drop him? Keeping him as a friend is going to be as difficult as not having him in my life anymore.

I saw what happened when I met someone else, since he didn’t like it and really started stepping up, got jealous and it (well, I ) sabotaged my other relationship (which broke up).

Any advice on how to handle this? I feel like answering something but maybe just silently dissapear? Then he thinks it’s all ok and next time I am in his neck of the woods it will just continue same old? He only steps up when he thinks he is losing me, I don’t want that.

Help!!

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 1:06am
172: Emerson says:

I need to make a new vision board! And I love the idea of the universe box sirens were writing about! I’m gonna make one for myself!!! Yay I love that idea.

I really need to visualize what I want in a man and a family and a home….because lately what I’ve been visualizing or dreaming about and wishing for is coming to me (its been really really amazing)….all except the man category!!! I think God is trying to tell me that he hears me by answering so many of my other things…and I”m supposed to have faith that my man will follow. Oh I just got excited when I wrote that!

I need to keep that faith because sometimes I feel discouraged and like it will NEVER happen! But I know it will!!

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 1:08am
173: Emerson says:

ooh sometimes I feel scared to let myself love a man soo much….I am protective of me and it’s ok Emerson you can be but don’t shut down ok….

Tam I can relate to the friends dilemma…it is sooo hard to stay friends when you like them more than that and maybe even love them. Maybe just keep your distance andput him on back of your horse for a while and keep riding on your bridge!!!

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 1:12am
174: Francesca says:

Happy Birthday, Tiffany!

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 3:05am
175: Francesca says:

Emerson, I was scared like that for the first few months because I didn’t believe that I was worthy of so much attention and love, even though it wasn’t really love at that point, just strong attraction.

And also the fact that we both had been celibate for a long time and really stuck in our own patterns.

It’s still hard sometimes, it’s only been a year, after all.

But we’re both learning how the other one functions.

For example, I know that there are mornings where he won’t feel like talking that much, I can see it in his face.

I’m an early riser whereas he sleeps a lot and gets up later. Sometimes I’m by myself for two or three hours before he gets up and I don’t resent him for that. I just read my book and relax in the living room with my coffee.

So I’m not pushing him to interact with me now, I’m just letting him be and most of the times, he will engage in conversation with me, usually after the first cup of coffee.

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 3:14am
176: Francesca says:

All this to say that if it happened to me, it can CERTAINLY happen to you or to anyone else looking for the one.

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 3:16am
177: Memulo says:

Sirens,

I am hoping for your advice. I can’t get over him (not) coming to visit me issue. He called me yesterday in the morning, talked primarily about his little victory with custody process, how his ex accuses him of various things, lately of taking the boy to a strip club (???) He did ask how I am doing but the conversation was 60/40 his stuff/my stuff, then he said he needs to do something and would call me later in the day. He didn’t call.

There was no conversation about his possible visit and this is what I need an advice for. My close gfriend says that I am still not even a gfriend to him, he didn’t call me that. We know each other 3 months, I shouldn’t make him come to see me. Even if he doesn’t I should accept it lightly and try to make it to month 4 lol. The way I feel is that he knows what I want and he promised to give it to me but he doesn’t. And he knows that I know it. It’s true we don’t know each other for a long time, but the way he handled our relationship until now was a lot of closeness and a true romance. Honestly, I feel that I have all the right to have my request honored. If he does call me, here is my plan.

I am going to ask again what day this weekend he was planning to travel. If he says he doesn’t know if he can visit I will say: ‘Sure, I understand, you sound busy. But from my perspective in the whole month that I am away we can’t seem to pick a couple of days to meet up. it doesn’t feel right to me, I feel sad. I don’t feel romanced. I really didn’t want to feel this way with you. I feel so sad that I’d rather stop this conversation right now and go for a walk. Enjoy your day.’

What do you sirens think?

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 3:56am
178: Memulo says:

Tiffany, happy Birthday! Hope you find a few mins for us today I enjoy reading your posts so much, they always help me to clarify my own feelings/thoughts.

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 3:59am
179: Sirenity says:

Silver MB . I am “dating all over the place” sort of, just to keep out there and to practice some skills . I ‘ve been divorced and single for years , a couple of relationships that were long but in the end , no commitment.

Lately I have been often feeling regretful and sad feelings that I had “wasted” my marriage . (The reality is that he was like Allison’s husband here and I was a neglected wife.) If I had known the skills i do believe I could have turned it around.

But past is past and I dont dwell on it and I am dating. I have been dating for years. I am very tired of the process of meeting new people via internet , then trying to get to know them. There are always issues. Distance, baggage,ageing, people wanting perfection after imperfect marriages end. Some of these issues have been mine in the last 2 years (serious health problems , multiple surgeries etc), others are definitely theirs. Then we also have all the usual stuff you have at any age when trying to get a relationship together.

I met a guy on the weekend who is an inch or two shorter than me and years older than profile claimed . This was the second date. I just find it so difficult to get past these dishonesties.

I have a friend I am attracted to who I dated years ago and he is back around me , emailing and has suggested meetings . We have a great deal in common and I am responding in kind and leaning back hoping he might move forward ! The thing is I am not sure he doesnt just want FWB.

Another man I have dated a half doz times has stated up front he “isnt ready” after a difficult relationship. So I have never initiated anything with him and leaning way back. I think he is confused by my not chasing him.

I am very grateful that I have the RR guidelines . I feel confident I am not making any mistakes that lead to instant attachments, heartache and turmoil. But nor am i feeling any closer to joyful union with an honest , intelligent , warm man who shares some of my interests and is a match for me.

No SMB , its not easy. But I havent given up yet. And hopefully I am just becoming more Sirenesque over time.

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 4:02am
180: Francesca says:

Memulo, I fear your message sounds too blamey, too many “you’s”.

Maybe tweak it a little bit and try to speak from your heart with FMs?

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 4:08am
181: Sirenity says:

Memulo, you have so many expectations.

I feel frustrated reading over and over what he should be doing and what he isnt doing right.

The thing is , he is just doing what he is doing . It sounds about right for his early separation state.
It isnt what you WANT him to do , but its absolutely just what he needs to be doing right now.

Wishing , hoping and expecting him to do something different to that is just wishes, hopes and expectations, none of which is REAL.

I trust and hope that you can relax back and start CD’ing and stop obsessing over this man, and maybe then someone will just appear with a relationship which IS real , and not imaginary. A man who deserves all the special things you can offer.

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 4:17am
182: Memulo says:

Francesca,

Thank you, it is funny, I thought these ARE FM’s

On the other hand, maybe since I invited him several times and he knows what I want, it’s time to stop, accept the tokens of his attention that he is willing to give and have this conversation with him after I go back?

I am afraid not to be challenging enough. Like I would accept anything just to keep him?

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 4:31am
183: Francesca says:

I’m sorry, Memulo, but if I were the man receiving that message, I would probably feel like you’re trying to control me.

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 4:35am
184: Francesca says:

If he really wanted to see you, he probably would have stepped up by now.

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 4:36am
185: Sirenity says:

If he was free to travel Memulo and not caught up in custody issues, then i am sure he would travel to you without you having to repeatedly ask him.

The asking over and over and reminding him is rowing the boat. it also may feel like he is being “clawed at” . In my experience a man will come to you if he wants to be there and is free to do so.

You not insisting he come is not a sign of weakness!!It is a sign of intelligence and giving him space.Your girlfriend is right. Also it sounds like you are trying to get this man to do what feels good for you, ie “controlling the outcome” .

There is such a lot of information about all these things on this site if you wish to try doing it the Rori way. Trying to become his GF is not what Rori suggests unless you are both very young, eg both in college.

Are you circular dating?

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 4:41am
186: Memulo says:

Sirenity,

Thank you. I am sorry you feel frustrated. I can’t really comment on what he is doing regarding his separation stage, but I know what I don’t want in my communication with him. I want to feel attention and to be romanced and by not visiting he makes me feel that I can’t count on that from him. Or can’t count enough.
Did you go out with someone who was separated for a couple of years and it ended up badly?

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 4:42am
187: lk says:

memulo, i hear your feelings, but i also hear the way they’re expressed in that note as “controlling” and “like an ultimatum” – what do you think?

telling him he isn’t doing what you want is kind of like telling a blonde you prefer brunette hair… why tell him ? if he isn’t doing what you want, don’t marry him ! lol : )

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 4:47am
188: lk says:

& i don’t mean you shouldn’t Express Your Feelings or Share Your Desires / Visions / Boundaries / Fantasies….. but you have already told him multiple times, so he knows what you want & he is choosing another way. you can trust him! that is the option that i would want to choose with a Good Man i was dating : )

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 4:50am
189: Sirenity says:

Memulo, I am older and divorced many years . i have dated many men who are separated but I no longer do so because these men arent ready to concentrate on a new relationship with me.

They are consumed by worries about their kids, their ex, the court orders , money , money, money…uuugh.

In my experience once they are finally divorced well and truly and have good access to their kids arranged then they are more open to being a man for ME. Otherwise, when they are in transition , they want comfort , a shoulder to lean on and sex.

Maybe your situation is different , but this is how I have found it.

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 4:51am
190: Memulo says:

Sirenity,

Thank you, that was really helpful. I feel a bit confused because Rori wants us to express our feelings and so far I’ve been saying it would make me feel so happy to see you (when he said he’d like to visit without me reminding) and I said I’d love to see you (that was me reminding). I guess the most I can do now is if he says he is not coming to say that it feels sad.

I know Rori says to give a ‘no gfriend’ speech, but what I am looking for is a long-term relationship really with eventually living together. I don’t necessarily want a marriage certificate. I know he can’t give me marriage either at this point.

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 4:52am
191: Sirenity says:

Young , pretty, available women like you Memulo have a great deal of power over men. This power is magnetic, that is, you are a powerful magnet that draws him in.

But only when your anxiety is put aside and you turn your focus OFF him and onto you and start dating other available men and raising your vibe.

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 4:55am
192: Femininewoman says:

Happy Birthday Tiffany

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 4:56am
193: Femininewoman says:

CocoKisses I feel a sense of peace in your comments. I vision you just giving up and turning your focus away from your husband. I saw find a way to pour all this energy over yourself.

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 5:00am
194: Memulo says:

lk,

Thank you, very helpful;) I feel sad because the truth is that I chose the softest words I could find! I really have a lot to learn. I don’t want to sound blamey and don’t want to stuff my feelings, but I don’t seem to find the right balance ;( It is funny because in real life I am quite soft, but I force myself to turn into this ‘tough’ person when it really really matters, partially because i feel scared to be perceived as ‘weak’ and not challenging enough.

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 5:02am
195: lk says:

me too, memulo ! i so so so sympathize with what you are saying which is why it feels so helpful to me to read what other women write here…. it feels so much easier to “detach” when it is not “about” Men that you Actually Know or even with whom you are Actually In Relationship

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 5:11am
196: Sirenity says:

Memulo , as I understand it , “no girlfriend” means that you are not looking to have an uncommitted ongoing relationship of any kind. Most GF’s are regular associates , with or without love being mentioned and with regular sexual favours on the menu.

Its not about the marriage. Its about a mans (and your) wilingness to forsake all others , combine lifestyles and probably money and future plans and be together ongoingly in a LTR. Is this what you want?

To get there THE MAN needs to drive this , to decide he wants it , and to ask you.

If YOU decide you want HIM , then try and make him fit into the plan , it just doesnt work.It feels like he is being coerced into it by repeated requests and statements of what you want. Stating it once only is plenty. Eg . “While I am at my parents it would feel fantastic if you can make it here . I miss you ! “. Then step back and put all this energy into YOUR life and see what happens.

Personally I believe that if you dont want marriage and children , just the long term commitment, then it is even more essential that you CD and make space and wait for him to step up.

The feelings of being unimportant to him, of being at mercy of his whim as far as dates and meetings go and the frustration when he wont accept your suggestions feel familiar to me. The solution to this is for YOU to change , not try to get him to . You need to get really busy with other things and not be available on tap . See other men. Go out with girlfriends or alone. Be genuinely so busy that when he calls you wondering where you are you need to book him in for a few days ahead. This will hugely elevate your value.

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 5:11am
197: Femininewoman says:

RadLove it seems to me you ended your text to Yorky with a “no problem”. If that is the case I would encourage you to beware when you use these words. Under the circumstances there was a problem or you had a problem with his behavior. It could innocuously communicate that you are okay with him doing this again. Him asking about your plans suggest you stoked his masculine instinct and curiosity. I might have responded “wouldn’t you like to know”. Maybe not the best response but in such moments think mystery to help your intuition and feminine instinct to create allure and seduction. I don’t believe authenticity means I have to be an open book.

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 5:13am
198: Femininewoman says:

I should say open book “all the time”.

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 5:16am
199: Femininewoman says:

Memulo I see the ladies here repeating the same thing to you over and over again. However the words seem to be lost as you seem to have entrapped yourself like a spider in a web of its patterns. If only you could step back and develop your own witness to look at yourself like an outsider.

I know this sounds critical but I am deliberately doing it hoping for a jolt of awareness.

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 5:24am
200: Memulo says:

Thank you lk.. it feels so surprising since I experience you as a total siren here. You seem to always find that right feeling to express and you do it beautifully in a very feminine and sophisticated way.. not a word to add or take away..

Actually from what he is telling me in his moments of tenderness is that he really appreciates my soft style, he says I don’t know how to be mean (if he only knew! LOL) he says I am full of love and I love people, I care. So he knows that about me, he sees it. Maybe he does like me for who I am?

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 5:26am
201: Sirenity says:

And Memulo , with respect i have said all I have energy for now on this subject, having been asked for help.

The answers are here in the old posts ,and in Modern Siren, when you are ready to open to change.

Accepting that you are in an imaginary relationship is the first step.
Then stop overfunctioning.
Then lean back , focus on yourself and CD .

Thats about it.
Not easy , but if I did it any one can

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 5:29am
202: Iamabutterfly says:

I felt so much when reading this post. I felt empathy. I felt sadness about the neglect of her husband. I felt her loneliness. I felt so sad about her affair. I felt so sad that she ultimately left her husband, and found yet another “new guy.” Third time’s a charm?

I feel sad because marriage is sacred to me. I feel sad because I wonder if there wasn’t a way for her to save her marriage.

I feel really sad too, because of her loss of her best friend. Maybe this is judging, but it didn’t feel like it was even a big deal to her.

I feel sad because of one of MY best friends.

oh, I feel sad.

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 5:30am
203: Memulo says:

Sirenity, FW,

Yes, I somehow thought I wouldn’t need to CD, but it feels now like a good idea. I guess I really need to let the expectations go and just live

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 5:33am
204: Femininewoman says:

Men experience the repeated as nagging. It also pushes their resistance button. I practice saying it once and leaving it. I somewhat believe “three strikes and you’re out”.

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 5:33am
205: Memulo says:

How do you feel FW?

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 5:36am
206: Sirenity says:

IAAB

yes the loss of a marriage is very sad . My sadness still regularly appears after 10 years now.

Its easy to be in denial after a marriage ends, denial of the depth of the loss, denial of attachment, denial of everything, just so as to get through it all .

The emptiness and soul destroying sadness of a marriage with no love, no companionship, no touch , no sex, no talk and no future is truly a desperate experience.

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 5:36am
207: Iamabutterfly says:

My so-called friend, who may actually be a an actual friend, I’m still deciding, wrote me a really angry letter about the conversation we had, about how I felt like she was interested in Jack CD, and trying to get closer to him through me.

Her letter was so angry. I felt really scared and threatened by it.

I didn’t sleep at all the night she gave it to me. I stayed up until odd hours of the night writing her a reply, and then thinking about everything.

Even though my Higher Self told me that she was saying so much more than her actual letter said, I took her letter at face value, and apologized to her because in the letter she said she felt like I had wronged her in our conversation.

We talked the next day about everything. I was honest with her to my own fault, like I always am. I don’t know how not to be honest. Or I do, and I hate that dishonest part of myself, because dishonesty is not authentic ME.

Now, I feel a shift in the dynamics. Between she and I, between Jack CD and me, and most of all, between her and Jack CD.

I feel like Jack CD is going to leave me.
I feel like SHE is going to leave me.
and I feel like I’m going to have to be okay with it…

I feel so sad…

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 5:40am
208: Iamabutterfly says:

let me correct something. I didn’t feel scared and threatened by her letter as much as I did about the voicemail she left me letting me know she had a letter to give me…

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 5:48am
209: Femininewoman says:

Cdating is mostly for you. It lifts your vibe, helps you to experience your power and bring all kinds of lessons that help you in your life. It helps to bring better and better men in. Even possibly helping the man you are with to upgrade himself. It is about you living your life but can have such a profound effect on a man as it lifts your degree of difficult and value as the prize that a man will feel proud to win and respect.

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 5:51am
210: Iamabutterfly says:

((((Sirenity)))) – Thanks for your insight. I hope and pray you continue to heal.

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 5:55am
211: Iamabutterfly says:

praticing a feeling message to Jack CD…

I feel so confused. I feel scared. I feel sad. I feel angry. I feel curious as to what it is you want from me.

I feel so good with you most of the time. I feel safe with you most of the time. I feel trust that I haven’t felt in a long time.

You waited patiently for me, much longer than most guys even bother.

You opened up old wounds and then healed them.
You did so much for me, and for the longest time, I didn’t even realize it.
I feel so guilty about that.

I feel uncertain about this relationship. I don’t want to put pressure on the relationship.

It would feel good to know what you think about our relationship.

What do you think?

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 6:06am
212: GivingGirl says:

@120 Starla

I feel like that too. & the things some of those men say to me are just so cheesy and ridiculous I don’t even want to respond. I don’t leave the chat thing on because I don’t like feeling like I’m being bombarded. The online dating experience feels awful to me. I’ve tried a few times, but only lasted a few days before I removed myself. It feels icky!

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 6:07am
213: Iamabutterfly says:

^ I realize the above message might be construed as leaning forward, but Jack CD has been flirting with my so-called friend in front of me to make me jealous. It has put pressure on our so-called friendship, and it has put a rift between Jack CD and me, but I can never talk to him about it in the moment, because it never feels right or like an appropriate time…

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 6:08am
214: Femininewoman says:

I wouldn’t send that Iamabutterfly. For one it is too long. Second the timing might be off.

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 6:12am
215: Femininewoman says:

He might see it as coming from an angry jealous woman. It might even boost his ego causing him to flirt more, right in front of your face.

I would hang on to my dignity and just remove myself gracefully.

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 6:15am
216: Iamabutterfly says:

Thanks, Feminine Woman. Do you have any recommendations on what I should do? I know I should probably lean back, but we have this group of friends that spend time together, and they are both in this group of friends. I feel scared of what I’m going to feel when we all spend time together.

It’s just a sticky situation…

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 6:16am
217: LiliBee says:

205:

FW,

That’s what it has done for me.
I still cdate. Allthough not as much as D is booking up most of my time in advance, but I still do when I have the opportunity at the market, at work.

My bf is in a comitted relationship, and she wants me to take her out cd’ing on a Friday night.
So I will when D is off on a hockey tournament out of town for a weekend with his dad in a couple of weeks.

He asked me what I would be up to during that weekend he’s away.
I told him I would be going out dancing with my friends on Friday night and something with a meetup group on Saturday.
He didn’t like it.
He said “why don’t you wait for me for that Saturday activity, I want to go too.”
I responded “I would love doing that with you, but I don’t feel good sitting on a shelf waiting for a man. I feel bored sitting around, I want to have fun. I feel glad to see you happy spending bonding time with your dad like the good old days, and I would feel good and refreshed having my bonding time with my friends.”

He said that the meetup group and going out makes it easy for me to meet new men and spend time with them.
My response to that “I want to do fun activities too to ‘shake off the cobwebs’ and feel alive. When I feel safe with a man, connected with him, and I feel him comitted to me fully, that’s when I don’t feel the need to leave my door open to other men even when I’m doing my own thing w/o my main man. I want us both to be happy, I don’t want our relationship to feel suffocating.”

I saw his shoulders drop, and his voice immediately softened up. His vibe instantly became relaxed.

I don’t want to prevent cheating by being controlling and keeping each other on a short leash. That would feel like being trapped in a cage with no room for expansion.

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 6:17am
218: Silver Moonbeam says:

“A man’s rejection is God’s protection”

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 6:17am
219: Iamabutterfly says:

@211 Feminine woman – what do you mean by remove myself gracefully? how would I do that? I just feel curious…

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 6:17am
220: CurvySiren10 says:

Yes Memulo, it seems to me that you really must let things just “be” with this man. You’ve stated your desires, your boundaries…repeatedly. It’s now up to him to decide in what capacity he will participate. I can’t stress enough (as Sirenity did so eloquently) that men in his situation are really NOT commitment-ready. As stated, they are able and ready for a very different type of “relationship” than someone who is on the other side of divorce and settled in to their new lives and identities. I don’t think this can be emphasized enough and I find myself nodding along with your posts, not surprised at all by his actions/behavior even though your expectations continue to build…

If you’re able to lean back, CD and really let go of the outcome, it’s possible that this may eventually become a viable situation for you. There is no telling. But with your “expectations” continually being unmet right now, it’s a constant struggle.

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 6:18am
221: Iamabutterfly says:

The other night he was talking about how much he missed having a girlfriend. I would’ve talked to him more about it, but it wasn’t a place where we could’ve had a private conversation.

I feel like the no-girlfriend speech may about to be happening, and I feel terrified of it.

Now, with this so-called friend thing in the mix, I’m not sure what is going to happen.

I’m not going to try to control the outcome.

I am going to lean back and feel my feelings…

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 6:20am
222: Radlove says:

Last night it was eating me alive that R is withdrawing again. The other thing that was eating me alive was when my Mom asked me on the phone:

“So have you thought about what you’re going to do with your life? Are you going to get a job? Go to a home? Or what?”

I felt angry, and I did my best to suspend judgment while I asked, “What do you mean ‘go to a home’?”

She said, “Are you going to check yourself into a home where they take care of you?”

I said, “NO, I’m not going to check myself into a home! I’m avidly jobhunting, and I am praying about writing a book, starting a business, and volunteering for a ministry in India by doing document work.”

She has periodically done this to me all my life, half trying to convince me that I am crazy and telling me I can’t function in life. It’s like putting a curse on me, and I have to resist it with all my might.

she is not trying to hurt me. She is operating out of her own poor self esteem. She accepts these lies about herself and projects them on me.

Turquoise, I am sorry I lashed out at you. Will you forgive me?

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 6:22am
223: Dominique says:

Love Always – #135 – Yes, yes, YES!!! What a fabulous light bulb moment. I feel SO happy for you.

Yes those pesky gremlins can be loud sometimes, but you now have tools and most importantly awareness with which to handle them. Love and embrace them too, kiss them on the cheeks, and then send them on their way.

xxoo

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 6:23am
224: Dominique says:

Happy! Happy!! Happy!!! Tiffany…

xxoo

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 6:23am
225: Radlove says:

But when this is my Mom and the main person in my life, all my life hearing this stuff, it has been very difficcult to sift through it all and know what is real. Many times I have been led to question my identity and abilities. It is not healthy or helpful at all.

the fact is I am an intelligent, sensitive, loving woman with endless capability. So once again I recommit to becoming my best self and working thru all this emotional garbage.

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 6:25am
226: Iamabutterfly says:

here’s another tidbit. We were all at a get-together all three of us. Well, so-called friend hadn’t shown up yet. I was extremely sleepy, removed myself from everyone else was to go lay down on the couch.

I had brought a dessert. I overheard Jack CD ask someone who had brought the dessert. Someone told him that I had brought the dessert.

Later, all three of us were there, along with some others, and Jack CD starting talking about the dessert in a semi-flirty way with my so-called friend. I was standing right next to her.

He was talking about it, and then he said “Yeah, I have no idea who brought it…”

I didn’t say anything.

I felt really taken aback and weird about it.
Did he forget that I made it?
Or was he trying to get my attention?

If he was being dishonest to get my attention, that feels icky to me…

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 6:25am
227: CurvySiren10 says:

I have a question about cd-ing. At what point do we stop actually going out on dates with other men? I understand the concept of *always* cd-ing by flirting, “dating” ourselves etc. But at what point in a real relationship (together all the time, talking about marriage and the future, not seeing others, major closeness and happiness together) do you not consider dating? fyi- there has been no spoken, formal exclusivity agreement even though it’s happening on both sides. I feel confused about this.

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 6:25am
228: Tam says:

@ Emerson..thank you re# 167
It’s true about putting him on horse and so on…but still unsure as to whether I should reply because overall the email from him was long, honest and rather nice (he is not normally communicative) and not answering feels ‘passive aggressive’, i e saying: ‘you can’t give me what I want and now I am sitting in a corner pouting, not answering’.
And that feels wrong somehow too as I appreciate his honesty…pffff.
Reading through all the other posts makes me feel like we are all in exactly the same boat while I see so many of my girlfriends breeze through their lives and relationships – seemingly.
Kind of frustrating.

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 6:27am
229: Iamabutterfly says:

I feel exposed and embarassed.

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 6:27am
230: Iamabutterfly says:

I hate feeling immature and inexperienced. It makes me feel unattractive and not good enough.

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 6:28am
231: Iamabutterfly says:

((((Radlove))))

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 6:30am
232: Starla says:

Okay, every day is getting a little bit better, but only a little bit
(((((((((((((((Starla))))))))))))))

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 6:35am
233: GivingGirl says:

@Healing Waterfall

I feel good hearing about women having babies at an older age. It gives me hope that it might still happen for me

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 6:40am
234: LiliBee says:

203:

I’ve been in that exact situation Lama.

When I told my man how ‘I authentically felt’ without any blaming, he reacted really well and started taking distance from the friend.
However, she started laying it on even thicker with the flirting.
That made me angry and I confronted her.
I was blamey with her.
She reacted very badly, playing the victim and quit speaking to me at all. She wouldn’t even say hello when running into me.
Putting the finger on someone else’s booboo will not get a good reaction most of the time, especially when they don’t accept that human flaw about themselves.
That confrontation seriously alienated my man.

The most beneficial way for myself of dealing with the whole situation was to sink into my feelings and find what it was about the whole thing that triggered me so much.

What triggered me was MY OWN stuff of feeling not good enough, uncomfortable and unworthy of men’s attention.
I spent a whole year working on myself on this coz that same pattern kept repeating in all my relationships.

Everything has now fallen into place.
As I worked on healing my issues, my man did on his own issues by following mine (I stayed out of his stuff).
The ‘friend’ worked on healing her own relationship issues and that has flourished for her.
She even said that she would talk to me again.

The best way to deal with this type of situation is focusing on ourselves and our own feelings, and sharing that with those involved.
Everything falls into place once we’ve healed. Healing is done by feeling our feelings deeply, not judging them and loving them.

Btw Lama, you really seem to be getting the hang of FMs.

You’re doing great!

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 6:45am
235: Femininewoman says:

Iamabutterfly do it in your mind, energy and body with visualizations. This is a situation where you need the rockstar vibe. Take the laser focus off him and put it on yourself. That energy can pull both of them in.

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 6:46am
236: GivingGirl says:

Happy Birthday, Tiffany!!

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 6:46am
237: CurvySiren10 says:

Happy Birthday Tiffany!!! Enjoy your day…

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 6:58am
238: Iamabutterfly says:

Thanks so much, Lilibee!!! I feel so comforted reading your words, that your man responded well, and that your friendship remained in tact. Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 7:03am
239: Iamabutterfly says:

and thank YOU so much Feminine Woman. that’s definitely something I need to put into practice…

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 7:04am
240: Brandylion says:

LiliBee, re: #213

I feel so inspired reading your FMs! I copied them into a document where I’m saving gems about CDing from you sirens!

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 7:04am
241: Iamabutterfly says:

I allowed myself to feel jealous one night with Jack CD and so-called friend. It felt scary to feel it, because it felt really intense…

So-called friend was heavily flirting with Jack CD, and he was responding.

So I just allowed myself to feel my intense jealousy, and Jack CD almost instantly backed off from her.

Jack CD and my relationship felt much stronger after that…

But now I feel like we’re back at square one…

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 7:06am
242: Radlove says:

FW,

193 – “think mystery to help your intuition and feminine instinct to create allure and seduction. I don’t believe authenticity means I have to be an open book.”

Thank you! that is helpful.

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 7:10am
243: Radlove says:

Tam,

167 – “@Radlove I don’t like it when you verbally abuse yourself….we all have varying degrees of anger and problems and difficult pasts etc., that doesn’t make us unworthy, it makes us REAL HUMAN BEINGS. Please don’t take it out on yourself!! Be good to yourself!! Try?”

Thank you! Yes, I will.

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 7:12am
244: Radlove says:

Emerson,,

166 – thank you!

Tiffany,

Happy Birthday!!

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 7:13am
245: Starla says:

I seriously don’t get what I did to deserve getting dumped in an email and then never spoken to again. I don’t think much of anyone deserves that, especially after 9 month. I feel the urge to call him and ask him, seriously, what did i do to deserve that? or are you just that afraid to man up?

i want to move on.
this is so unfair of him. all he has to do is communicate like an adult and help a girl get some closure.

jerkfacestupidnose

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 7:14am
246: Radlove says:

Moonbeam,

164 – I feel a lot of discouragement too. But in my strong moments, I remind myself that all it will take is ONE man. And so just because he is not visible to us right now, he is there, and he is coming.

I recently had two friends in my personal life find love unexpectedly. One was in depression because of being single. On Christmas Eve, she had a romantic date on an ice skating rink alone with a friend. Now she is marrying him in July!

The other friend was sad about her breakup, and she was crying a lot when I talked with her thru December. She went home to another state for the holidays, and she came back all smiles, in love! Now she is engaged, too.

All it takes is one man, the right man for each of us. Let’s keep the faith.

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 7:18am
247: Iamabutterfly says:

I don’t feel like Jack CD would flirt with so-called friend in front of me unless he was feeling insecure…

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 7:19am
248: Brandylion says:

Sirens, I feel a little better every day. It’s been that way for a couple of weeks now, where I’ll spend days at a time feeling pretty good about things (but still thinking about PriestCD every moment my mind isn’t 100% occupied elsewhere, which is most of the time because very little of what I do is cognitively demanding…), but then I have major meltdowns like most of the start of last week and Sunday night.

I don’t feel interested in talking to or meeting the guys who are contacting me on OkC. I’m not really sure why I put my profile back up; I think I thought I had to. I clearly am not emotionally ready to spend time with any man. I know CDing men I don’t care about is the best way to practice using Rori’s tools and authentically being me, but they are going to pick up on my totally-disinterested-in-them vibe and then poof. If I’ve learned anything from Rori, it’s that I can’t just feign interest in them because that’s not how I really feel!

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 7:19am
249: Radlove says:

Starbright,

160 – Thank you for the reminder! I keep meaning to listen to more of that! I will! Tony Robbins is deep! I also have a CD program of him and I need to crack it out and turn off the TV…unless it’s Oprah’s OWN network!

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 7:20am
250: Iamabutterfly says:

Starla – I feel such empathy for you. It looks like you are moving into the anger stage of greiving. It feels so healing seeing you heal! So much love to you!!!! (((((((((((((((((Starla))))))))))))))))

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 7:21am
251: Silver Moonbeam says:

You know if I didn’t have a sense of humour some days I could just cry………….

“Hello my name is P, 57yrs old divorced and live in London and i am disabled
and in a wheelchair but not forever i have to learn to walk again with two new false
legs can i ask would this bother you?………………..P”

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 7:23am
252: Silver Moonbeam says:

p.s. On his profile he says he doesn’t want to have sex because “it spoils things.”

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 7:23am
253: Iamabutterfly says:

@247& @ 248 Silver Moonbeam – Wow. If it weren’t for that extra tidbit you added in 248, I might’ve given the guy a chance. At least he’s honest!

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 7:26am
254: Radlove says:

Starla,

137 – Thank you! You are a stronger woman than me!

I caved last night in my extreme frustration and bingeing, and i texted R. I did damage control in context, because I knew it wasn’t serving the relationship to be texting him:

B: I can’t stand this.

B: I don’t deserve your coldness. I didn’t do anything wrong. I often feel like I’m walking in the dark. I couldn’t read your mind.

B: I feel

B: I DON’T KNOW HOW TO RELATE TO MEN.

B: Let’s make a deal: you don’t want me in your life, and Alice (a fictitious name for a woman we know at church) doesn’t want to be single. She is your age and lives on your street. She’s sexy and petite. How bout you date her for 6 months while I leave you alone. What do you think?

B: What do you say? Want her address, phone number, and photo?

B: It wood be healthy for your to have friendships with different women. I could give you a list of 5 or 10.

B: I’m being sincere here, it’s a necessary part of your emotional development.

B: You won’t know what you got until you know what you don’t got.

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 7:29am
255: Iamabutterfly says:

and to be fair, Silver Moonbeam, maybe it spoils things because his experiences with sex given his condition haven’t been pleasant, and he has felt judged and unmanly. Just throwing that out there…

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 7:31am
256: CurvySiren10 says:

OMG SMB… #247 & 248.

LOL. I’m sorry but that just struck me as funny, although I suppose it’s really sad.

Sigh…the POF scene can be SO depressing. Be thankful for your sense of humour!!

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 7:40am
257: Brandylion says:

Starla, I LOL when I see you call CF jerkface. Remember that PriestCD is a teacher; when I visited his classroom just before the start of the school year, a student had written on his board “Mr. Jerkface”. Maybe they knew something I didn’t…

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 7:41am
258: Iamabutterfly says:

I feel so nervous. I’m supposed to go to an event on Thursday that both Jack CD and friend are going to be at. I know I’m probably going to feel shaky just knowing that both of them are going to be there, and also just in seeing and interacting with both of them individually and maybe even together, who knows.

I don’t feel like she is going to feel shaky at all. I feel like she is going to feel happy and excited and flirtatious. I was honest with her and told her that I could tell that Jack CD was attracted to her.

I know that Jack CD is probably feeling insecure about how I feel about him.

If they see each other, I can just SEE her, feeling excited and thrilled with him, and him feeling validated and appreciated by her.

and I’ll be somewhere…

feeling angry and sad and betrayed by both of them…

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 7:51am
259: Radlove says:

Moonbeam,

Let’s choose to laugh. Not cry. And let’s choose to focus on the relationship ready men out there, ok?

I was flirted with by a man in a wheelchair with CP off and on for several years. He is actually the one who first invited R to the community center where I met him in 2007! So he was a friend and I will always be grateful to him.

He was a greeter at WalMart so I saw him periodically and always sat down to visit with him at his job, since he worked 11 pm to 7 am, and he had that kind of freedom to talk on the job.

I was just being a friend, but I guess my action of sitting down each time led him to believe over and over that I was romantically interested in me. He would ask me from time to time if I would like to date him. He told me he was not able to function sexually.

I felt sad for him, but that did not obligate me to marry him. I am happy to say for him that down the line, he reconnected with an old friend from another state, who was now a single mom with two kids. They married!! And when I saw that, it gave me tremendous hope! His dream to be a husband and a dad came true, and now I know it can happen for anyone.

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 7:51am
260: GivingGirl says:

@173 Memulo

I feel connected to your statement about not being his gf. I had this issue with BoatGuy. He treated me like his gf in private, but not in public. I wanted more, he wasn’t providing. However, I held onto those private moments and kept waiting. He acted semi-bf in front of our mutual friends and he invited me to one of his friends parties, but introduced me as his friend and it was a party for people he rarely sees. He only told one person he was dating me (that I know of) and we never hung out with his friends. After our fight in December, I was never to his house. Our fight in March was because I felt like I was a “secret”. He just never stepped up, even after 8 months.

My advice would be not to say anything more about him visiting. Go along with your days and don’t even think about it. Do your own thing and if he makes plans, then cool. If not, you weren’t expecting it and you won’t be as disappointed. As Rori says, “be surprised”. I wish I had not spent so much time, worry and effort and pushing for something he wasn’t going to give to me.

How does that feel?

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 7:52am
261: Silver Moonbeam says:

#250 BRENDA!!!

STOP!!!!! Enough!!!

I don’t want to be harsh and it is something that I am coming to believe is oh so true.

The reason R is not with you is because he doesn’t want to be, how do I know if this is true?

Because he isn’t……………if he did want to be with you he would be right there sitting on your sofa or lying in your bed.

And he isn’t.

Of course according to RR if you could just stop rowing the boat and lean back he COULD be with you………but I don’t believe this is true for every single man on the planet, men just do what they want to do anyway……….isn’t that also what we learn on here?

xxxxxxxxxxx

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 7:53am
262: Francesca says:

Radlove, oh no…:(

I’m sorry, sweetie but I’m afraid I don’t see any damage control in those texts.

It feels like you’re pushing him into dating people *you* think would be good for him.

I don’t like how I feel inside when I read that.

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 7:54am
263: Iamabutterfly says:

I feel like I could “fix” this from happening if I lean forward. But that would be trying to control the outcome.

I feel like it’s going to ruin my night on Thursday, and I don’t want it to ruin my night on Thursday…

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 7:55am
264: Iamabutterfly says:

I know “I feel like” isn’t a true feeling message, but I still like saying it…

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 7:59am
265: Francesca says:

Radlove, you remind me so much of myself a few back.

I fell in love with a man who was just a FWB.

It was clear from the start that that was ALL it was.

Just s*x, that’s all.

But he made me feel so good, so beautiful and fulfilled that I fell for him.

He even said he loved me a couple of times but I knew it wasn’t true because he wouldn’t even tell me his last name.

I kept calling him and emailing him all the time.

We saw each other one last time before I left for British Columbia in 2010.

I put him out of my mind but subconsciously, I was still pining for him because when I got back to Quebec, months later, I texted and called him.

He never replied.

That’s when the light bulb came on and I finally figured out we were not meant to be together.

We never were.

We were just together for s*x.

I just wish you would come to the same conclusion I have.

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 8:04am
266: siren song says:

so, i’m going to try some hypnosis to deal with this longing i have for guy who is angry at me. he keeps popping up, then poofing again and saying he can’t handle me dating other men and that being with someone who is open to other men is too stressful for him.

i live down the street from him and i see him all the time. i really just want to be able to release some of these feelings of urgency and attraction. i’ve done all the tools i can think of, but every time i see him or hear from him i feel like i’m going to throw up. i feel so sad that i’ll never be with him again.

it’s not going away.

i feel super-low-status around him. and like i want to control him. and nothing seems to be working.

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 8:21am
267: Love Actually says:

219: Dominique

Thanks – feels so good that you understand and share my happiness around my learning!

I will try to love up those gremlins! And really focus on the yummy stuff (both what I create for myself and what he has to offer) and also what he is trying to tell me as I am really starting to get how much he is communicating to me.

Eg. (forgive my continued long emails, but it continues to help me to put it in writing) Last week, when his daughter was ill, and he was waiting to hear back (and thus didn’t come to my place as planned) – I had called after about an hour to find out if he had heard anything and he later told me he didn’t like it when I called, that he had said he would call me and that he wouldn’t leave me hanging – ahhh, yay him! He was very clearly telling me that I could trust him in this case and my call felt like lack of trust to him. And he was absolutely right, the gremlins were running wild that he had made the whole thing up so he didn’t have to come over.

I have actually given him so little respect in terms of his emotional capacity and while we may be different emotionally, he is absolutely proving me wrong (and we all know how control freak gremlins hate being wrong!) *Poor gremlins, they will really need extra love!

Last night he actually called and texted me so many times that I started to feel bored and irritated because I was so tired.

Here’s to hoping we can keep finding the yummy, juicy mutual ground and see what we can authentically create together.

I feel so happy and grateful and full, and even (for this moment) open to the fact that this may hurt again…

Much love for all of the inspiration and guidance offered here!

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 8:21am
268: Francesca says:

(((siren song)))

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 8:26am
269: Femininewoman says:

222 Iamabutterfly it might have been a sublominal invite to the conversation based on a pattern of behavior you demonstrated in the past? Explainey? But it seemed your siren did not take the bait. Feeling of ickyness might have been your body telling you your thoughts were juddgemental or too focussed on him rather than enjoying the pleasures of unsought validation.

Yes, we get to make the stories up so we might as well make up good ones. He wants me, he wants me. He’s attracted.

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 8:28am
270: Silver Moonbeam says:

#250 Radlove

What happened to the FM’s?

What happened to the warm, soft, sandy coral beach vibe with the warm turquoise waters lapping on your shore?

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 8:29am
271: siren song says:

i just want to get over it, already. i feel so frustrated with myself. i love my frustration. and my longing.

i feel so tired. i feel sad that i chased him away by dating other guys. i don’t want anyone else.

i know he wanted to just have me all to himself and not commit, but i still just want to sleep in the same bed again.

i feel so lonely. i miss how things were when we were together and he wasn’t so angry at me.

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 8:31am
272: Femininewoman says:

RE 223 CurvySiren your feelings is what i suggest you allow to guide you. Somewhere along the line his actions will help you to feel safe. Keep checking in with your intuition even when you get there.

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 8:35am
273: Radlove says:

Moonbeam,

257 – I knew I shouldn’t text him. I am seriously struggling. I had a really ruff night last night.

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 8:36am
274: Starla says:

((((((((((siren song)))))))))))

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 8:37am
275: GivingGirl says:

(((lamabutterfly)))

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 8:50am
276: siren song says:

just had a long cry. i feel better.

thanks starla and francesca

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 8:55am
277: CurvySiren10 says:

Thanks fw. It’s really a tough balance…I am very happy with no desire to cd, but I worry a lot about the attraction factor going down by not doing it.

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 8:57am
278: Jilly says:

CurvySiren…I agree with Femininewoman…in my experience….the most important thing is that we feel good about it and we feel safe, which keeps our vibe up…and we know to stick to our boundaries and how to express ourselves…

there are no absolutes but when you know you won’t ever abandon yourself or try and row the boat….relationships are EASY!!! lol

I also know that even as much as I love Rugby Man (we are exclusive)…if it doesn’t work out that there will be someone else and I KNOW how to CD and stay on my bridge…

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 9:03am
279: Rori Raye says:

vi – Welcome! Love, Rori

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 9:07am
280: Iamabutterfly says:

@265 Feminine Woman – Thanks for your input. I feel confused though. Why would he give me a subliminal invite because I had been “explain-y” in the past.

wait, I think I see what you’re saying. I am the type of person that wants to “explain” especially if I did something cool like make a dessert…

Hmm…insightfulness on Jack CDs part.

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 9:07am
281: Rori Raye says:

Lily M – I deleted your last name for your privacy – but don’t know if it was your last name or a great chosen one! Let me know in your next comment…Love, Rori

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 9:09am
282: Starla says:

I picked an unavailable man.
I did.
I wonder how this would all shift if I just took full responsibility for this.

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 9:13am
283: CurvySiren10 says:

Thanks Jilly. This is all new for me and I am finding myself unsure of where to draw the lines. I am pretty darn sure he is my “the one” as Dominique would say. But I do feel confused about when I let go of the idea of actually dating others. My intuition tells me not to, that’s for sure. NO desire. Or time! I am so busy and he books up all of my spare time. I DO feel safe and it DOES feel “easy” right now. So this input has been helpful..thank you!

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 9:14am
284: Rori Raye says:

arrow – this is a common male response from some men – this is what you say: It just doesn’t feel romantic to split the cost of dates when we’re “dating” – and I don’t care what we do–It just feels good to know you and feel if we’re on the same page and a good match for the long term. I feel happy just walking and eating from grocery stores and taco stands and making food together.” Love, Rori

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 9:14am
285: Jan says:

Hi guys. I just read an old post from Rori from Feb 2011 about how to deal with imaginary relationships. I really feel clean and new after reading it. I deleted the man’s number from my phone and if I didn’t know it by heart already I would take his email out of my box. ;p Instead of obsessing about feeling like a failure for emailing him last night and neurotic about the non-reply I am going to try to take this as a sign that I am needing a new path and focus. Starting a fresh day, with a fresh start. It can’t hurt right?

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 9:14am
286: Iamabutterfly says:

Thanks for the hug, Giving Girl! (((Giving Girl)))

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 9:18am
287: Starla says:

Alaska is texting me and seeing if I’m feeling any better today. Said no. He said to hang on to him and he’ll help me through it. Wow.

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 9:22am
288: Jilly says:

Curvy…

I believe we keep our vibe (and the attraction) up by keeping the focus on ourselves and our lives and feeling happy, sexy, beautiful, healthy and not putting responsibility on him for our happiness…

and you have your own thing going which is awesome!

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 9:25am
289: GivingGirl says:

I still feel confused when it’s ok not to respond to something. I’m typically the person who has the last word, just because I don’t want the other person to feel as if they said something wrong and I’m ignoring them. This applies to both men and women, but more so men.

Any helpful hints?

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 9:26am
290: light heart says:

Thanks for the vote of confidence yesterday, Starla…

he texted ‘ok’ but didn’t bother to try to plan something in advance with me.

Now I already have a date for thursday night with another man from online dating, who has been a real trooper for weeks, in trying to get us to meet, and calls me and is curious about me.

I’ve gotten so good at letting this stuff slide off me like water off a duck’s back, because I’m focused on the leaning back and staying open, without making assumptions or closing any doors prematurely.

Just going with the flow, because I know exactly how I am looking to feel, and I trust myself. So there’s nothing to lose.

I learned so much from the last unavailable relationship.

light heart

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 9:27am
291: Femininewoman says:

siren song I say feel the low status and try laughing at yourself. your body is powerful and that is why you feel so attracted to him. Let him be angry it means he is attracted and feeling his emotional body too. Don’t fight with him just get all soft and emotional. Just keep showing up for yourself and voting for yourself by staying on your bridge to what you want in your life. Don’t allow him to pull you down or transform you into someone you don’t recognize.

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 9:28am
292: Femininewoman says:

289 It depends on the context. A question can be answered.

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 9:30am
293: light heart says:

Hello Vi !

I feel glad that you jumped in, even though you felt the fear !

You’re gonna love it !

It’s a great group of ladies and very supportive
and sincere.

Welcome !

light heart

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 9:33am
294: Mel says:

@Starla (287)

Awww…. he wants to be your hero!

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 9:35am
295: light heart says:

291 FW

love it

light heart

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 9:35am
296: Dominique says:

Iamabutterfly – #257 – What’s with all the stories you’re making up? No more making up bad feeling stories, none of which will likely come to be.

If you’re going to make it up, make it up good.

xxoo

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 9:36am
297: Dominique says:

Numbers are off, it’s now #258

xxoo

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 9:38am
298: Starla says:

294 Mel, so did CF:(
argh!

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 9:44am
299: Memulo says:

GivingGirl,

Thank you for your post and advice. yes, I feel a lot calmer and I am really busy with my own stuff. Emailed a few guys from a dating site at my new location. I will take it one day at a time and i intend to feel happy.

For your question re: texts – if there is no question in a text I normally don’t reply. If I am not supposed to provide an information (i.e. confirm a date, just not double-confirm) I let them have the last word. The other night the guy said: ‘Was thinking of you’ and I replied ‘What part of me?’ though in similar situation in the past I didn’t always reply to this. He said: ‘Most’ and then 2 hours later ‘All of you’ and I didn’t reply. He called the next morning himself. I learned to stop assuming what the other person may think because it’s really hard to know and I just answer what I am being asked.

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 9:44am
300: lk says:

ooh starla, he sounds sweet : ))

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 9:45am
301: Silver Moonbeam says:

Radlove, I have spent ages especially finding this for you from October 2011 (HTH does FW find old relevant posts sooo quickly??))

I came up with this image today on a group coaching call – Are you like flypaper?

Where you attract all these men, they buzz on in to you – and then you trap them?

You hold onto them?

You care whether they stay or go?

If this feels like you – just caring too much what happens with any one man – just pave over your flypaper.

Pave it over with rose petals, and fairy dust, and gold dust, and soft sand from exotic beaches.

Make it soft. Make it so a man’s footprints can be felt, and yet he can fly away and the breeze will blow more gold and fairy dust and soft sand to leave a fresh place for another man – or 100 men! – to leave more footprints. And…perhaps stay awhile. Or forever.

Leave it up to him. Stay or go.

Put plants around your mental and emotional self. Plants that will give you shade to your thoughts and feelings and nurture and feed you – and invite a man in to sit in the shade and share your bounty.

Don’t ask him to “stick.”

Don’t be afraid of him going.

Change your flypaper to lovely, sweet, feeling-filled YOU – and change your life.

Love, Rori

http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/uncategorized/are-you-flypaper/#comments

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 9:47am
302: lk says:

starla, i’m picturing the men like trees in a forest…. bowing down around you….. to give you Protection from the Storm : )))

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 9:47am
303: GivingGirl says:

lamabutterfly

In regards to Thursday, I would go and be friendly to both, but do not have expectations for anything. Don’t focus on whether or not they are flirting and if they are, then you can focus on other people at the party. I know it’s hard and you will have them in the corner of your eye all night, but there’s no reason for you to subject yourself to that treatment. Have your own fun! It sounds like JackCD knows it bothers you and so does so-called friend. This may be more about setting boundaries in regards to your feelings, by your actions, instead of your words.

What do you think?

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 9:47am
304: light heart says:

Silver Moonbeam,

I often feel like giving up too, and tell myself, when you least expect it, it’ll happen.

But nothing happens if you don’t put yourself out there, someway, somehow.

I’m going to meetups/classes having to do with things I enjoy, I don’t go with the express intention that I’m going to meet a guy, but just to have fun and relate with new people. I recently met a brand new good friend that way. I feel so much better doing that than just sitting home.

As for on-line dating, it definitely is like the wild, wild west out there, so you have to stay very aware and make extra effort to stay positive even after a lot of dead-ends, or bad-tasting experiences.

I stopped writing back to whoever writes to me, but
I’m going to try to start back up, just because it’s good practice.

One thing I do is periodically change stuff up on my profile (staying truthful) in order to see how that affects things.

Hang in there ! If I can do this, you can do this !

light heart

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 9:48am
305: Memulo says:

Starla, full responsibility feels so heavy.. and a bit booooring… I imagine you as light and sparkly.. and I know you never left your bridge

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 9:49am
306: lk says:

yeah, starla. i agree with memulo : ) you are a hard-core fairy who sprinkles Metal dust : )) you did great & you are doing great !

for one thing, if you had This (This = the idea that possibly that weirdo cutie boy from high school might really be your Soul Mate) in the back of your mind, how would you find perfect satisfaction in a Forever Partner without first exploring This ?

i just think you are wonderful !

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 9:53am
307: GivingGirl says:

Thank you, FW & Memulo

Questions, I don’t have an issue with. I just mean more conversation emails/texts. I realize someone has to stop replying or it would just go on forever. I just get stuck as to when to stop. If I don’t reply and they were looking for a reply, would they let me know?

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 9:56am
308: Mel says:

Starla,

Maybe CF wanted to be your hero, but realized he’s just not in a place right now to be the person he wants to be for you. It’s all about him. HIS stuff.

love ya,
xoxo

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 9:59am
309: Emerson says:

I had bad dreams last night and lamabutterfly they were similar to your story about your friend and your guy flirting! It’s weird I woke up and read your story on the blog and felt like whaaat??? Was a reading the blog in my dream!?
Anyway, I had a bad dream about Recycled flirting with a friend of mine and totally ignoring me (or me feeling ignored) which actually did happen about a year ago and it kind of soured my friendship with that woman….we have not been the same since and really are not friends. The two of them were all chatty and he was complimenting her and it made me mad.

Well I woke up feeling like crap and I re-live this incident over and over…how come I have not resolved it and I’m still thinking about it?

Is it because I feel that she could easily “take” him from me? I don’t even “have” him but you know what I mean….

I feel so insecure…I never spoke to him and told him how I felt about it….I acted “cool” and like “no biggie” like I’m so secure…but I was not…

I want to heal this very badly.

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 9:59am
310: Starla says:

lk 306, i like what you say here about not having it in the back of my mind now…except now i DO have it in there more than ever. Because I just can’t wrap my mind around it. I keep thinking he’ll be back when he can come back strong. I’m feeling like a loser, lol.

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 10:01am
311: Starla says:

308 Mel
Well f*ck him in his eye and all his dumb stuff

Love ya, Mel. I always feel better when you respond to me:)

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 10:02am
312: Emerson says:

175 thank you Francesca!

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 10:05am
313: light heart says:

Healing Waterfall

you said ‘good luck with your options’

Thank you

I’m not sure I can do it, though. sleeping with someone attractive who I see just as a friend, to ‘get some’. I really don’t go crazy without, even though I have a healthy libido, but, I do feel like something is missing and a little cheated.

On the other hand, I wouldn’t want it to not be ‘right’. That might make me feel worse in the long run. But we’ll see, I’m going to stay open to it. In the meantime, I might go get me a rabbit. I think there was a discussion here once about mechanical vs non-mechanical stim

light heart

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 10:06am
314: Iamabutterfly says:

@296 Dominique – Thank you so much. I shouldn’t be doing that, you are right.

Here’s a new story:

We are all there. We all feel good. We all have a good time together, apart, and anywhere else we happen to be…

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 10:09am
315: Femininewoman says:

Full responsibility is the way to go. Then you will focus your energy on yourself rather than pressuring someone else to fulfil or complete you. Full responsibility helps me get over some guilt.

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 10:12am
316: Mel says:

@ Starla (311)

“Well f*ck him in his eye and all his dumb stuff”

Now that’s the spirit!

Seriously though… Your guy, the guy who will soon sweep you off your feet, will not be plagued with such dumb demons.

He will know that you are so especially amazing that he couldn’t possibly let you get away. And he will be up for the challenge to make you his. Because he will be ready for relationship. He won’t just wish he were ready. He will be ready.

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 10:13am
317: Calypso says:

Hi Sirens!

I’m back from my beach trip with GM. You would all be so proud of me! I leaned so far back this weekend I actually found myself a CD right there at our condo! He was young and Italian and had the prettiest green eyes and he was ALL ABOUT ME! It was funny to me, but I just sank in and let it happen (To a point). We met at the pool when GM was off somewhere else and I let him get me on the elevator… We made out all the way to the 15th floor, where I told him I had to go . . . he gave me his number and told me to meet him at the bar that night. I didn’t meet up with him, but then he found me at the beach the next day and he was so cute . . . he lives very far from me and we will never meet again, but he was an awesome boost to my ego and GM knows all about it . . .

As for GM and I – we slept in the same bed 3 nights in a row, but absolutely no action there. he stayed on his side of the bed and I acted like he was not even there. His best friend was with us and he flirted with me the whole time, which I enjoyed as well. GM would just go all quiet and his friend would smile and wink at me – he is rooting for us to get back together – he told me to just act like i don’t care – I said, “I DON’T care!” and he laughed at me . . . sure.

We all 3 had such a great time. We laughed so much together it was amazing. We got back to GM’s house Sunday evening and I put my things in my car, hugged him real quick and left for my house. I have not contacted him and don’t plan on it. We have plans to attend a friends wedding together in June – I can wait that long if he can.

I felt pretty and sexy and powerful on the trip – I have no idea what he is thinking or feeling and honestly, that is not my concern right now. I’m tan and relaxed and happy. He better hurry up and decide what he wants out of this life before he loses me forever, which would be a shame for him…

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 10:16am
318: Iamabutterfly says:

@303 Giving Girl – That sounds like a great idea. I feel happy and sane and calmed down reading it. Thank you!!!

@309 Emerson – aw, bless your heart! Clearly, I probably have an idea of how you feel. I’m not sure why you haven’t resolved it, but I always feel icky about ending female friendships over a guy. I also almost kind of feel resentment towards the guy for “causing” (even though he didn’t) issues with me and my friend in the first place.

How do you feel about Recycled? How do you feel about your friend? Do you miss her? Feel guilty at all? Or do you still feel resentful about what happened?

Answering these questions might help you figure out why you haven’t resolved it.

Just remember, it’s all part of the healing process.

Good luck! and remember, you have NO reason to feel insecure. You are amazing! <3 <3 <3

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 10:18am
319: Iamabutterfly says:

@317 Calypso – You go girl! I feel so proud of you reading that!

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 10:22am
320: Starla says:

fw 315, i’m inclined to agree – i actually did attempt to take responsibility/own my boundaries while we dated, but i didn’t stick to them. I would voice concern i was getting involved with someone who was unavailable, and he would AGREE in certain ways, but then I would come running back like I didn’t mean it.

Well, now I have my boundary in place of no contact. Of not stalking and begging. And I’m sticking to it.

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 10:22am
321: lk says:

healing waterfall : )

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 10:27am
322: Daria says:

Happy Birthday Tiffany!!

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 10:31am
323: Iamabutterfly says:

yes, Happy Birthday, Tiffany!

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 10:33am
324: Femininewoman says:

Starla you go girl.

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 10:40am
325: Dominique says:

Iamabutterfly – YES!!! I like this story MUCH better.

xxoo

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 10:43am
326: CurvySiren10 says:

Starla, I think that’s all part of the whole grieving process. You know, those stages? It’s not a linear process, you sorta jump all over the place with these feelings, but I think part of “bargaining” and “denial” is thinking they’ll come back. And he may..or he may not. But you are SO not a loser!!! You are a strong, amazing, beautiful Siren who is going through a very normal grief process right now. And handling it amazingly well. And personally I LOVE hearing your anger. I think it’s really healthy to be pi$$ed at the way he went about this after 9 months…it was pretty cowardly and very hurtful. You have earned that anger IMO.

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 10:55am
327: GivingGirl says:

@318 lamabutterfly

I feel happy my suggestion felt good to you!

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 10:59am
328: Radlove says:

Moonbeam,

RE: #270 – “What happened to the FM’s?

What happened to the warm, soft, sandy coral beach vibe with the warm turquoise waters lapping on your shore?”

Oh yes, thank you for the reminder! I had this false moment where I thot I was regressing, but a precious angel on here reminded me privately that I wasn’t regressing, and that my NEW world of warm, soft, sandy beaches and turquoise waters lapping on my shore really IS my reality!

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 11:01am
329: Femininewoman says:

RE 302 such a beautiful image

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 11:02am
330: GivingGirl says:

@320 Starla

That’s what I did too, except BoatGuy never agreed with me. He never expressed how he felt. I would set my boundaries and then feel guilty about it and back peddle cause I didn’t want to lose him. Need to work on that self-esteem and self-respect!

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 11:04am
331: Radlove says:

Moonbeam,

301 – Aww, thank you! It felt healing to read this again!

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 11:04am
332: Radlove says:

Francesca,

RE: #265 – Thank you. Sorry you went thru that pain.

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 11:06am
333: Daria says:

Radlove – “She said, “Are you going to check yourself into a home where they take care of you?”

this feels so sad to me to read aww i feel sad for mom as that is HER situation and it goes into her way of seeing the world…

also this is my trigger with my own mom, feeling sad thinking of her making it dramatic and hopelessly sad in my mind

whtas worked for me in this dynamic ( for me the triggering words are like “how long are you gonna do ‘nothing?’”)

is feeling messages.. im still babysteps and it feels fantastic and thrillin to be able to do them JUST ONCE!

“Are you going to check yourself into a home where they take care of you?”

“pause… awww… that feelss… sad”

it really rocks the boat and after that its not the same in that scenario anymore

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 11:07am
334: siren song says:

Starla, i’ve got to get on board with your no contact boundary. i was SO good at leaning back for so long, then he popped up, talked about marriage and therapy and i wanted to throw him in a cage.

he also goes crazy when i lean back. it makes him super-angry. i felt afraid to lean back because he was MAD when i was out of range.

NO CONTACT. i feel SO much worse when i contact him.

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 11:12am
335: Daria says:

CurvySiren – you don’t stop until there is a formal discussion initiated by the man. Such as a proposal with a ring.

If he asks for exclusivity and doesn not propose, it is not advised to accept. If you do accept, give yourself a time limit such as 3 months trial period after which he should be proposing to you

the more i think about this the more i feel so happy for it. to me is essential boundaries/scaffolding for the success of a relationship

i wouldn’t want a man that didn’t want to do this with me!!! why would i ? when i can have a man who Would, who wants to do everything to please me. thats the kinda man i would like to pick a lifepartner from.

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 11:15am
336: Iamabutterfly says:

(((((Daria))))))

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 11:16am
337: Daria says:

Silver Moonbeam – i would likely date that man in the wheelchair if he asked me…

it seems you wouldn’t?!

i notice myself feeling judgmental towards you about what seems to me frequent complaining about men

i wonder what that is about

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 11:22am
338: Daria says:

i feel scared to have said “i notice i feel myself getting judgemental”

i would like to heal this

i feel very excited to practice expressing this

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 11:24am
339: Daria says:

thanks lama

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 11:25am
340: CurvySiren10 says:

Thank you Daria, FW and Jilly for your input on my cd question. All of your responses were very helpful!!

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 11:29am
341: Daria says:

that feels bad…

i <3 pof and online dating…

it can feel overwhelming… i feel judgemetnal hearing complaints about it (i wonder what that is about?)

i dont answer stuff when i feel overhwlemed… it feels so fantastic to have these men writing to me

sometimes i feel scared i'll "miss out" by nto answering them all

practice trusting that they'll be after me, pursuing me, earning my attention

awww:)

me

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 11:30am
342: siren song says:

daria:

‘i wouldn’t want a man that didn’t want to do this with me!!! why would i ? when i can have a man who Would, who wants to do everything to please me. thats the kinda man i would like to pick a lifepartner from.’

YES! i am writing this down.

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 11:30am
343: Daria says:

im feeling all frowny faced and like my heart feels tight and small

((Daria))

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 11:32am
344: Daria says:

is this my closedup feeling?

i feel angry

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 11:33am
345: siren song says:

my boy’s going to go get my girl a smoothie.

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 11:34am
346: Daria says:

i feel so uncomfortable to even express this

i notice i felt judgmental reading about Starla’s guy not having ‘adult’ communication to give closure

i personally honor my own boundaries by not engaging and communicating when i dont want to

i felt scared and i felt all self doubtful reading Starla’s comment (and am now realizing this is good and i need to stand behind myself and embrace my choices and ways of caring for myself)

i want to honor them as healthy

i feel scared im not behaving in a healthy way by not contacting my godsister

I want to honor myself

i feel all puddly and desperate!

i feel sad Starla seems to be beating that guy and herself up this way… it seems his communication – doesn’t want to talk – is quite healthy, and yet she’s bashing him about it, talking about ‘closure’ which is non existent anyway…and maybe stalling at this judgement place and not getting at the feelings beneath it?

that feels heartbreaking and sad

i dont want that

i dont want to believe that

it feels better to believe thta this is just a babystep along the healthy healing way

that feels better

still feeling all my sadness aroudn that belief

i feel scared to have written this

(((Daria)))

im healing big stuff

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 11:40am
347: Calypso says:

Thanks Lamabutterfly!

I kept reminding myself the whole time – I’m in this for the long-haul – not just for the weekend. It took all the pressure off. Nothing needed to happen. I just wanted to swing the pendulam and i did. I’m fully leaned back in feminine mode now. I enjoyed the sight of his masculine body, the scent of him and the sound of his voice and his laughter – I let it wash all over me. I have never felt like more of a woman.

My period started on the trip – a week early and GM had to take me to get supplies. He was so nice and caring and asked if I was hurting.

I helped his friend out with some pointers on how to pick up women and GM kept saying, “What about me . . . I need pointers too”, and I’d tell him “You hush” and we would all laugh.

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 11:42am
348: Senior Lady Vibe says:

“What’s Your Dating Nightmare Story”

http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/whats-your-dating-nightmare-story/

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 11:46am
349: May Fly says:

Hello Rori,

I feel shy posting here amongst the fabulous ladies. But it does feel good to take the plunge.

I have something niggling at me about the man I’m in relationship with. We work in a team of performers, and one day our director asked us each in turn what we wanted from each of the other performers.
There are two pretty girls in our team, and to each of them my man said “flirt with me”.
To me he said “plan with me”.
Whilst I feel glad that he wants us to build a life together, I feel embarassed and uneasy about what he said to the other ladies.
There is not much flirting or fun between him and I these days. So why is he asking other women for it?

I want to be number one in my man’s life. I think I will purchase Targeting Mr. Right very soon. (I have Modern Siren and I love it)
Thank you Rori, for all your work and your wise advice on this blog. It helps so much.

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 11:46am
350: Daria says:

(((Jan))) yay i feel excited reading that!

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 12:01pm
351: Daria says:

i feel so afraid of people feelign angry at me

i think they will yell and corner me with that energy i feel scared of… and my mind will shut down and go blank and i’ll feel that ‘traumatized’ efeling and i DONT want to feel that way even tho ive always been ok anyways… hmm

(((Daria)))

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 12:12pm
352: Daria says:

hmmm uhoh “you hush” sounds not very feminine to me

i feel scared!

it feels so FUN! to be the in charge bossy girl

(((bossy girl)))

i want the beautiful fun aspects of her

i can keep that!

ADN i can fm it and really just let it be untirggering peace the whole time

i feel shaky

sadness

Daria <— I love this woman

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 12:14pm
353: Starla says:

I feel like my girl friends are all ganging up on me today:(. I went to lunch with my girl and she was pretty rude to me about my feeling upset.

This is my cycle of grief, everyone f*ck off if you don’t like it. It’s not like I’m in his face telling him how I feel. They’re just feelings. I’m trying to let them out.

Thank you to the ladies here who understand this <3. It feels good to have a place to let my anger out.

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 12:22pm
354: Iamabutterfly says:

I feel scared to hoot and holler at this event on Thursday. That’s what i what i would naturally do, but I feel scared to do it, because what if he doesn’t like it?

It’s not very ladylike. But wouldn’t it feel better to be with someone who loves me as I naturally am?

maybe I should just “feel out” and see how I feel about actually hooting and hollering during the event.

I feel really silly, but I also feel humorous and young, using words like “hoot” and “holler.”

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 12:23pm
355: Daria says:

im communicating with a girl on this site i feel all shaky and nervous

i feel all jumpy to impress and make someone want to be aroudn me

omg

it feels SO uncomfortable

i Do want wonderful female friendships and im willing and looking forward to growign this way

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 12:23pm
356: Iamabutterfly says:

Daria, I absolutely love how honest and brave you are! It feels so refreshing to me!

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 12:23pm
357: Starla says:

I feel deflated and unsupported, but also guilty and spoiled because I have received mucho support whenever I needed it.

I just want to be allowed to be sad or angry, for any reason. I’m not an unreasonable person:(

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 12:41pm
358: Iamabutterfly says:

Quick question for any Sirens who have the time or wisdom or curiousity to answer: Is “I feel thankful” a true feeling message? Is gratitude an emotion? Or would it be more effective to say “I feel gratitude?”

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 12:41pm
359: Starla says:

I say, “I feel appreciative”

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 12:42pm
360: Jan says:

So after my fresh new start today..Of COURSE I get a response to my email last night. The email was saying that I should not have been physical with him on our trip…it was causing me to really lose control of my emotions. His response: “No worries.
Sorry I’m not very social right now. I just work and sleep. ” (He is depressed I think) Sooooooo…. do I respond or not? I am conflicted.

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 12:42pm
361: Iamabutterfly says:

@356 Starla – I fully support you! I know you are not an unreasonable person. You are just healing, and healing is a complicated process!

It is MORE than okay for you to be feeling sad and/or angry. I’m not sure what triggered you to write this comment, but I feel good and sure that any “suggestions” anyone has given you are just there to try to help you.

Sometimes, when we are feeling pain, we can take good advice the wrong way.

I love you and you’re going to be okay!

((((((Starla))))))

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 12:43pm
362: Femininewoman says:

RE 346 – Daria I appreciate this. Though I have to admit I recently saw someone who was talking marriage last year but wanted me to constantly lean forward. I just stopped dead in the water so everything stopped. Every time I see him now he suggests something that seems to be encouraging me to lean forward. The last comment was about us only living ten minutes apart. I took it that was suggesting that it was easy for me to get to him and also that I was judging him but I chose to turn that energy into the waterwheel and don’t let the comment hang in the air.

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 12:52pm
363: Daria says:

im noticing im taking starlas post abt her gf’s personally and getting all intense upset feeling about it

and i tapped on some margaret lynch stuff about noticing myself going ‘into battle’ and

how im pulled into doing that in my head

and i watn to heal that and use that energy for Creating my life!

yay!

i feel excited im taking babysteps in that

i feel shut out and cold toward those ppl i was going to ‘battle against’ in my mind

what does that feel like?

it feels like shaky energy

it feels like scared afraid sad

hopeless sad

mmm

(((Daria)))

so fmaili\ar

feels so exciting

thank you for healing this for me

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 12:53pm
364: Calypso says:

Lama – I like “I feel thankful” better than grateful . . . just my personal preference for how they sound.

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 12:56pm
365: Iamabutterfly says:

Thanks, Starla and Calypso! Hugs to both of you!

I feel so warm and soft and feminine and healing. It feels amazing!

I feel forgivness…it’s flowing into me and flowing out from me. Feels so good…

I feel tingly and excited from my head to my toes!

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 1:02pm
366: Iamabutterfly says:

By the way, Sirens, if any more of you have input on the whole “I feel thankful” thing, I would really appreciate it! and feel thankful! and feel gratitude!

I feel happy and silly.

Hehe.

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 1:03pm
367: Starla says:

i feel so so so low
like i’m not good enough to be angry
not good enough to have standards and judgments
only everyone else can, and about me, too!
what a world of hypocrites
i feel upset:’(
but this is only true if i believe it to be true. and not see it for the silly trigger fest that it is. i just don’t want to be used for processing triggers. i wish people would keep it to themselves if they have their own problems with how i’m feeling. it doesn’t affect THEM anyway. some people’s egos are so huge and need constant stroking.

my ego needs a lot of support too, though.

i feel confused and sad.

can’t i just feel sad and angry. i feel like i’m not allowed now.
grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 1:03pm
368: Daria says:

FeminineWoman – hmm i feel a bit confused about that and glad you are growing with that

i wonder what would happen to say something like “mm i feel really good to see u thinking of me, and you know, i feel kidna distant from u now… the turht is, i feel good in a relationship where im being purused by a man…and i can feel good and relaxed and safe and taken care of … that would feel lovely with u… what do you think?”

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 1:03pm
369: Iamabutterfly says:

((((Starla)))))

and Feminine Woman, I really like Daria’s take on your situation. I feel curious as to how you feel about it too…

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 1:06pm
370: Daria says:

Starla – i feel so tightened up!

i feel really guilty!

i really want you to feel happy and also sad and angry when you want to

and i also honor myself and i commit to expressing myself even if something feels bad to me, even if that trigger comes from your words while you’re feeling upset

I intend to honor you that way with my truth as well

I would love to be honored and appreciated for that – it feels so scary – and the truth is i expect to be attacked and treated badly and abused for that instead

and i want to heal this

im feeling powerful right now . im also feeling half numb

half shaky

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 1:08pm
371: Iamabutterfly says:

is forgiveness an emotion? I feel good that it is. But it feels like a very high emotion. I know it is difficult to acheive and maintain…

Now I feel prideful, and I feel guilty for feeling prideful.

It feels good to forgive! Even if other people have difficulty with it!

I DO have difficulty with it!

and I am still capable of extending it…to others and myself!

I love you, butterfly!
Don’t feel ashamed of how far you’ve come!
I feel so proud of you!

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 1:08pm
372: Daria says:

thanks lama! that feels great to read about me!

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 1:10pm
373: Iamabutterfly says:

I frequently feel amazed by you, Daria! You are amazing!

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 1:11pm
374: Starla says:

If i were still dating cf, i would be texting him right now, fishing for love and support, because i’m feeling low.

i felt tempted to text alaska, who has given me the green light.

but it would feel really good to learn to navigate these yucky hard times alone. so i didn’t text alaska. i’m just gonna sit here with my stupid discomfort. hmph.

:’(

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 1:11pm
375: Daria says:

ohh that feels so sad

i feel unworthy

i feel angry!

i feel confused

i want to be a good girl… she said for me to be quiet. dont espress myself now, be a good girl, let her take precedence, shes more important now… can’t you see she’s going thru soemthing… she’s more important… care about her, don’t put yoruself first!!!

wow you are so selfish and evil and badly raised and deserve a slap

i want to heal this

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 1:14pm
376: Starla says:

I just had a vision that with full commitment to myself, in a year from now, i will be doing so much better. i will know how to take care of myself and show myself love no matter what anyone else is doing. I feel really excited for this.

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 1:17pm
377: Daria says:

i notice i attract a lot of friends or have over time that want me = or maybe i want to – i dono

i wind up playing the ‘secondary’ role. the bigger person role… or eht ‘friend’ role

and they’re upset when i keep ti real about how im feeling when they’re feeling something intense

its almost like an unspoken agreement that the other person will defer and go masculine and keep their feelings unshared in these situations

and it feels REALLY tense to imagine NOT donig that, and when it IS done it has resulted in loud scary feeling drama

and i dont want that

and on the other side of that is waht i want

im willing to heal, im looking foward to heal

this is my pattern and im shifting it

liekly it has not hing to do iwht a ‘type’ of person if there is such thing, just an energy im running and others tap into it with thier own energy stuff

and im healoing it now

and aeveryone heals thru me

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 1:18pm
378: lk says:

hi, daria : ))

i honor you & i trust myself

i trust you & i honor myself

: )))

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 1:18pm
379: Iamabutterfly says:

((((Starla)))) – Bless your heart. Alaska sounds like an amazing guy…when you feel ready for him, that is. I feel proud of you for leaning back, even though you feel so yucky. I just love reading about your healing. It’s so messy and honest, and feels healing for me too. So, if it’s any consolation, the discomfort you feel and express feels very healing to me.

I know that may not feel very comforting to hear, and if it makes you feel triggered, you can go ahead and take it out on me.

I’m routing for you, girl!

((((((Starla))))))

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 1:18pm
380: Iamabutterfly says:

@375 Daria – oh my goodness, Daria, I have felt that same way!!! I feel connected to you and I feel excited about the connection!

and I just love you, lk. You are simply amazing!

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 1:20pm
381: Daria says:

im in a habit of initiating /checking on

the men closest to me that i feel comfy with in cding

right now neighbor CD

we made plans sortof initiated by me

and now i feel like calling to chekc and ‘hurry him’

i dont wnat to do that and omgosh it feels uncomfy!

right now!

agh!

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 1:20pm
382: Femininewoman says:

Thanks Daria. Something like that I would use if the setting was private or one on one. As other friends were there I believe it was not the time to express something so personal.

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 1:21pm
383: Iamabutterfly says:

i feel guilty for spamming the blog again. and I feel guilty for feeling so good. Why do I always feel so guilty? I want to heal this…

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 1:22pm
384: Iamabutterfly says:

I remember feeling guilty at a time in my life when I felt soooo happy, happier than I had ever felt. I could tell it made my mom feel jealous, which made me feel sad for her.

Butterfly, don’t feel guilty for other people’s bad feelings. Use your good feelings to encourage them!

I love you, Butterfly!

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 1:25pm
385: Starla says:

i have come soooo far, and i know i can get there.

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 1:26pm
386: Starla says:

Lama, you are so sweet. you are such a giver, i can tell.

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 1:27pm
387: Daria says:

Starla – i feel so uncomfortable girl. I really love you. I trust that you are able to feel and honor your feelings – *I* honor your feelings – and receive and hear and appreciate my truth and feelings as well. I want to feel safe and close with you, and I really appreciate your truth and support too.

I want to support you as much as I can, and NOT sharing my feelings or not engaging in my healing process at any time is NOT something I want to do (and it felt terribly sad to hear it wished for, and I can handle it, I appreciate your honesty in your wishing – I ‘get’ in a way that the wish is to feel good, and that if my own processing and sharing felt good to read – oh how i want this! – then it would feel lovely and not something to be wished against)…

I believe and intend that sharing my truth is always supportive and healing for both of us.

Im really feeling frustrated and guilty that oftentimes it comes out in ways that trigger defenses and not feel goodness instead of instant soothingness and healing… i feel desperate sad howling inside abotu this in my life and i want to heal this.

That will feel great.

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 1:28pm
388: Starla says:

CF shows up on my friends square on my fb wall… i wonder why that is… i stopped clicking his name really, and he doesn’t comment on my wall. I wonder if the algorithm is taking into account how much HE views my page? Hmmm I wonder. Though this wondering probably does me no good.

I wonder how Memulo is doing!

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 1:29pm
389: Daria says:

FeminieWoman – LOL @ imagining expressing that in front of a group of people! mouths hanging open captivated lol

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 1:29pm
390: Iamabutterfly says:

wow, I feel like I just had an epiphany. I’ve let myself feel guilty ALL THE TIME, when I’ve noticed other women getting jealous of me. Then, I feel like I have to be “less than I am” to appease them, or even to HAVE female friends.

I’m not going to be less than I am!

If someone doesn’t love me for being everything I am, then that is THEIR problem and NOT mine.

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 1:30pm
391: Daria says:

FeminineWoman – i would not have felt comfortable either.. perhaps if he ever contacts you by text email or phone it can be a good time…

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 1:30pm
392: Daria says:

Lama – wow yes that does feel exciting! i feel excited about your epiphany as well… ive been healing around that and reading it from you feels empowering

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 1:31pm
393: Daria says:

hi lk – thank you!!!

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 1:32pm
394: Iamabutterfly says:

@384 Starla – That felt so good to read that I literally shed tears. Thank you so much! I feel validated and appreciated! I feel like that isn’t a very frequent feeling that I have, so thank you for sharing it with me!

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 1:32pm
395: Iamabutterfly says:

@390 Daria – awww, I feel so good feeling a connection with you!! yaaay.

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 1:35pm
396: Daria says:

mm i felt guilty AT MY!! Graduation!!! cuz my parents felt jealous that my godsis and her mom were there and i wanted to include them in my celebration

my parents LEFT!

i thought they would take us all to dinner

then they complained for years that i treated them so horribly at my graduation

at one point i did lose it a couple years ago and yelled at my mom that it was MY graduation and i felt ABANDONED by my parents and it did not feel good for ME

i still feel angry about it now

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 1:35pm
397: GivingGirl says:

@386 Starla

I’ve noticed Mr. Observant was showing up on mine (never saw him there before) when we were messaging the past couple of days. I wonder too.

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 1:47pm
398: Iamabutterfly says:

@394 – aw, Daria, that feels so sad to read. I can’t even imagine how that must feel. (((((Daria)))))

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 1:47pm
399: Starla says:

I feel so hopeful thinking CF is looking at my profile all the time. But I think I need to let.hope.die. lol

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 1:49pm
400: GivingGirl says:

I feel self conscious. My face is breaking out very badly, my hair is having a lot of breakage and not looking good, I cannot gain weight and feel too skinny. I want to fix all these things, so I feel back to normal.

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 1:51pm
401: Daria says:

Thanks lama – i actually feel all numb and powerful about it

hmm

‘im okay’ ‘im good dawg’ tough guy voice

wow this feels exciting to notice

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 1:51pm
402: Daria says:

(((GivingGirl))) eating lots of fish and avocado – helps me with getting the oils for all that you mentioned

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 1:54pm
403: Starla says:

My parent (mom) left my graduation before dinner, too! grrr. i worked so hard to graduate! And then I felt guiltyguiltyguilty about it for ages that she left early.

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 1:54pm
404: Dominique says:

Iamabutterfly – “what if he doesn’t like it?” who cares what he does or doesn’t like. If he’s any kind if guy for you, he will love you all the more for being real and fun and maybe even quirky.

K loves me more for being “weird”, silly, however I am in any given moment.

The more you give a good man authenticity, the more he will likely be hooked forever when he falls in love with you.

xxoo

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 1:55pm
405: Dominique says:

Iamabutterfly – #357 – For me I prefer I feel thankful. The other feels awkward in my mouth, contrived.

I feel grateful, for me, feels like another person had to be involved, maybe someone to whom I would feel beholden.

I feel thankful stems from my insides, my heart.

And yes it is an emotion.

xxoo

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 1:58pm
406: GivingGirl says:

(((Daria))) thank you!

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 1:59pm
407: GivingGirl says:

(((Starla)))

Which friends appear in the chat sidebar? Can I add specific friends?

The friends that show up at the top of your sidebar are people you’ve interacted with frequently or recently on Facebook. You can’t add friends to this part, though it updates dynamically as the people you interact with change.

More Online Friends shows you the rest of your friends who are online. To find someone quickly, you can search for them by entering their name in the Search field at the bottom of your sidebar.

The main sidebar list shows both friends who are available to chat and friends who aren’t. Clicking on a friend’s name opens a chat window. If your friend isn’t available to chat, you can still send messages for them to read later.

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 2:00pm
408: Starla says:

ooooh i really wanna lean forward to any man who will show me attention while i’m feeling low! wow! i used to think it was because i needed to know a particular man cares for me when i felt low, as a litmus test.. and then i’d lean forward to other guys besides him as distraction. But it turns out it’s not about any one guy. It’s about male attention and comfort and validation. Wow! And I can get through this on my own right now while i’m superdupersinglestatus, without leaning forward, and with all this practice, I can find a good balance for my next relationship:)

OMG my relationships would feel so much easier if my bad days or low moments didn’t equate to me somehow believing i’m not wanted or good enough.

I can heal this! I can heal this on my own!

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 2:00pm
409: Starla says:

giving girl, i am talking about the friends box on the actual wall itself. It shows me 8 friends on the page, and then I click through to get to the others. This is where CF shows up – in the 8 friends.

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 2:02pm
410: Dominique says:

GivingGirl – I agree with Daria and would also add olive oil and coconut oil. I too do not gain weight and gave up on that long ago, but my skin and hair are healthy, so something is maybe missing from your diet, or you are not absorbing nutrients properly.

xxoo

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 2:05pm
411: GivingGirl says:

Starla,

Are you referring to the left side of your profile page? I have 10 friends listed and these are constantly changing for me.

Which friends appear in the left column of my profile?

We highlight your friend list.
By default, a changing selection of all your Facebook friends always appears under the Friends heading in the left column of your profile. This selection might include friends who you interact with the most in Wall posts, comments and mutually attended events. However, Facebook does not select friends to show based on whose profiles you choose to view or who you interact with over messages and chat.

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 2:09pm
412: Radlove says:

Daria,

Re: #333 – Thank you. It really does feel sad. and you give me a fresh way of looking at it.

My most typical reaction is anger, because it’s a huge insult, and it is also like proclaiming to someone, “Fail! Fail! Fail!”

K has been a big part of me staying level headed. I would tell him stuff like that, and, in the past, I would honestly ask, “Am I crazy?” He would laugh softly and affectionately saying, “No, you’re not crazy. There’s nothing wrong with you at all.”

But hearing stuff like this literally ALL my life has really made me struggle with a feeling of being brainwashed, constantly second guessing myself, and eroding my self esteem to just about nill.

I have come head to head with my childhood since my Mom spent a week here and I see my life clearly more than ever. So I am running back into the arms of my friends on Rori’s blog. Thank you all for your support.

I am the soft, warm, sandy beach, and I will not dwell in lies about being a failure.

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 2:15pm
413: Daria says:

i gain weight when i walk and eat a lot of pasta and hormone full roots like yams and maca…

ive been dreaming up this diet for awhile… lots of starchy things like a big yam a day with lots of maca for me to take along with it… for a couple of months

that would feel so fun!

also oils and butter for there

i like Ghee and Sesame oil for gaining weight in a feel good way for myself

im also digging Primrose Oil and Fish Oil/Krill oil (will experiment) / Cod Liver Oil for hormones hair and nails

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 2:15pm
414: Lizka says:

I’m here, I’m here! Sassy and Emerson, you are so cute to worry about where I’ve been again!

Responding to messages to me from the last article:

Brandylion (442) -

“There is a start and a finish, and in between you just run. That’s when you find out who you are and what you’re made of.” Wow I loved that. I just put it as my Facebook status! As for the email, I just checked it. I don’t check this gmail very often as it’s not my principal address.

Daria (406) -

“now im being invited to hang out at an after party with my guy friend!

wow my life is takin off like Lizka!” Wow I am so happy to read that!!!!

“i feel so easily included in stuff now and like its easy to chill w cool people and they want me to” – I feel exactly like this too for a few weeks now! I really feel like something happened and it’s a brand new me in the way I am interacting with others. Fun stuff huh?

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 2:17pm
415: Daria says:

Radlove – i can really relate! its taken me these years of Rori practice… and now im feeling more powerful and less affected by ‘that stuff they say’ and its GROWING… and oh also now they’re saying it less

and i get myself out ‘walk away’ much more quickly

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 2:18pm
416: Radlove says:

Daria,

333 again – “for me the triggering words are like “how long are you gonna do ‘nothing?’”)”

This is really going to help me to shift my vibe with her, because I feel so much anger toward all this garbage. Yeah, that was the implication, that I’m doing nothing, while in reality I’ve been applying for tens of jobs and making all sorts of business contacts AND working on my emotional healing.

So I will do my best to go to sadness, rather than anger, when I feel accused and condemned.

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 2:19pm
417: Daria says:

Lizka – yay! feels fun indeed!

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 2:19pm
418: GivingGirl says:

Thank you, Dominique. I did a cleanse and lost weight,even though I tried not to. The past month, I’ve been focusing on gaining weight, eating more carbs than usual. It hasn’t worked, I still keep going up 2 lbs and then down again. So, that, plus stress, is probably my issues. I will need to concentrate on eating better without high calorie/carb foods, since it’s not working anyways.

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 2:20pm
419: Daria says:

i Did text Neighbor Cd and he put me off for later nicely

now i still feel all anxious and im like hmmm

it would feel better to have made plans with others hehe

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 2:21pm
420: Radlove says:

Daria,

413 – Wow, you are amazing! One reason I feel so angry is I am trying to put up a wall against all the put downs. I can see now she really doesn’t mean to be doing it. But it’s like she has predicted my whole life will be a failure, even tho she wants me to succeed.

so I will give compassion to HER weak parts.

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 2:22pm
421: Daria says:

GivingGirl – stress will not help me lose or gain weight… i noticed for me its much about consistency

if i can eat the carbs everyday for 1 – 3 months in a healthy way it will work

if im all over the place and my sleep doesnt feel full than my body and mind will not get together and focus on my intention

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 2:23pm
422: Starla says:

giving girl, i saw that about facebook… i actually don’t *believe* them when they say views don’t play into who appears featured, because I haven’t interacted with CF’s wall since december and have 470 other friends that could show up on the front page. I also have the new timeline format…

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 2:25pm
423: Daria says:

Radlove – yeah ! the WALL! it felt liek great protection most of my life!

now i feel more self worthy so im able to actually hear that and trust MYSELF! not them… and think to myeslf what they are saying is NOT true about me, i Know i rock actually, and if its soemthign that feels bad, i can heal that later its an opportunity to heal and strengthened where i hadn’t looked at

that was the missing piece for me, the putting trust in me and so being able to RECEIVE their communication without accepting it as ‘my truth’

from thereon, it was about practice getting feeling messages out of my mouth in the moment

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 2:26pm
424: GivingGirl says:

@Daria

I was thinking of evening primrose. I have cod liver oil, but admittedly have been slacking on taking it. I should pull it out and leave it on my counter to remind me to take it. I’ve been very scatter brained lately. I will cook with some coconut oil tonight and have a salad too. I’ve also been getting back into some bad habits with sugar. I had cut it out for so long and coffee too, but this past 2 weeks, I’ve been indulging both.

GivingGirl, you know what your problem is…you’re eating too many bad things. You need to get back to your healthy diet and your hair and skin will thank you.

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 2:27pm
425: Daria says:

Radlove – more on the missing piece – yes, its for me i noticed its THEIR weak parts that they are railing at, projecting on me

and when im honoring msyelf, and syaing no that doesnt feel good… yet ABLE TO HEAR THEM! and calmly say it doesnt feel good…

then they are able to heal that in themselves too and it shows up healed a lil whiles later!! (it feels quite baffling and disconcerting at first though, the boat gets rocked and they/ I mihgt have strong emotional reactions – catharsis)

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 2:29pm
426: Daria says:

Giving Girl – coffee and sugar are great and healthy… as long as you’re not beating yourself up about them

i hear in the post that you are

my body and mind will choose and crave whats nourishing and healthy… when i choose to trust it.

it feels scary to trust my body rather than “common knowledge… that ‘sugar is bad’” etc

sugar is actually a miracle food!

and eating a lot of it can make you sick – your body will NOT crave a lot of it. only addiction – NOT paying attention to your feelings and desire – will have you doing ‘too much’ of anything

eating a lot of kale can make you sick! if one was too eat it addictively

I let my body and mind guide me!

if i want sugar stuff… then its good for me right then!

if i dont want to think about somethig and instead am eating sugar to the point of i dont really want it im just eating it just to avoid that ‘other thing’ then i will be making myself sick… not with the sugar as much as with the addictive ‘stuffing’

i am pretty sure thats how tabacco ’causes’ cancer too

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 2:34pm
427: Dominique says:

You need good quality fats like the ones suggested GivingGirl. Butter is good too. And good quality protein sources. If it was me, I would favor these over carbs, and if there is still room, have some good quality carbs like red potatoes or quinoa which is a high protein grain.

Yams or sweet potatoes are good if you can handle the high sugar content. I cannot. It upsets my belly.

Sour juices will aid digestion, such as grapefruit and cranberry (unsweetened).

xxoo

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 2:36pm
428: Daria says:

For those times when there is a lot of sugar in my bloodstream, i eat a lil bit of cinnamon (sprinkle it on my hand and lick it off) 1/4 teaspoon is enough, even though i am starting to like more now that i have the finer “true cinnamon” i ordered

this cinnamon thing really works!

Dominique i feel surprised to hear your tummy gets upset from yams and such! i don’t see myself gaining any weight with red potatoes and quinoa, those are some of the leanest carbs for me…

you said you’re no longer looking to gain weight so that might no longer be an interest concern

i wonder if your tummy might do better with cinnamon mixed with the high sugar yams/roots

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 2:41pm
429: Calypso says:

I wonder why I started my period a week early? Do you think it could have anything to do with laying in bed beside GM and NOT having sex with him, but sinking into my feelings and really experiencing the scent of him, the feeling of him beside me, moving in the bed while he slept, the sounds of his breathing . . . I stayed awake almost all Thursday night just enjoying how turned on and how leaned back i was and then WHAM! started bleeding on Friday – a full week early! I have not been in bed with him since Christmas and I don’t think we have ever slept together without having sex before this weekend trip.

Talk about triggered . . . lol

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 2:43pm
430: Daria says:

the cinnamon thing works to normalize blood sugar and shift athat icky blah im a puffy pastry feeling

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 2:43pm
431: Daria says:

Calypso – yeah men pheromones are strong influencers of my hormones… sleeping in bed next to a man ive had sex w def counts, esp if he’s one i feel turned on with

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 2:45pm
432: GivingGirl says:

@Starla

IDK, the people on my list, so I interact with and some I don’t. I don’t see a pattern though. I don’t have timeline yet.

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 2:45pm
433: Dominique says:

Thank you for suggesting this Daria. I have tried this. I love cinnamon and eat it daily as a digestif. Anything highly fibrous or of high sugar (yams have both) is hard for me because I have “special” plumbing.

xxoo

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 2:47pm
434: Starla says:

Thanks for investigating this with me, Detective Giving Girl:) hehehe

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 2:50pm
435: Daria says:

what ‘helps’ me the most is mentally letting my body know what i intend to do with this food (ie increase fat here, heal here, nourish my liver, etc) this really helps me in selecting foods too, and i can tell by the way my body reacts to my looking at/picking up a food whether it will feel good or not to consume that right now

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 2:51pm
436: Memulo says:

Thank you Starla, I am studying and leaning back and trying not to think much. And when I have fears talking and saying that if we don’t see each other for 5-6 weeks what would be left out of what we had I tell them to shut up It’s been 3 weeks now and I am afraid it’s starting to fade. But then it’s not my fault, I’ve been open to his attention.

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 2:53pm
437: Rori Raye says:

May Fly – You’re actors, performers – get used to this kind of thing, please. I personally love what he said – so honest and true…and I want you to be able to handle it without taking it personally. AND – if you don’t know how to flirt – he just asked you to learn to do it….What he said to you was fabulous. Love, Rori

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 2:54pm
438: Daria says:

Goo Memulo you sound great right now!

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 2:55pm
439: Calypso says:

Thanks Daria – I thought so. I’m just going to take it as a helpful hand from the Universe . . . easier to lean back with all that going on . . .

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 2:55pm
440: GivingGirl says:

@424 Daria

I’ve only really had 8 cups of coffee in the last 2 weeks. I used to put lots of sugar in it, but I’ve been limiting myself to 1 tsp per cup. So, no that is not a lot of coffee or sugar, however, I’ve also been eating more left over Easter candy, a piece of pie, pizza, pasta, bread, and stuff of the like. I don’t usually want sweets, but have been lately and not worrying about it since I need to gain weight.

I think maybe the gluten and sugar, which my body hasn’t been used to is working against me. Stress typically makes me lose weight. I think it ups my metabolism. I still get my morning smoothie with coconut milk, whey protein, spinach, fruit, and some olive oil on most mornings.

I’ve been tired and feeling very lazy and not taking the time to prepare my lunch and dinner properly and if I don’t do it in advance, I have to get something out, or scrounge around for food.

I think once I’m done with school next week, I will feel so much freer. It’s taking up a lot of my time and energy beyond my full time job and taking care of my house and yard. I feel there is little time left for me.

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 2:56pm
441: Lizka says:

So I haven’t tell you about my weekend and my multiple dates!!

On Friday night, I had a date with RamadanCD. We met downtown and went to smoke shisha and drink tea which was the initial plan and then he proposed to go eat so we went to a Tibetan restaurant. It was fun, he makes me laugh a lot. I felt connected because he had texted me many times all week before (and he still has text me every day since the date). When I got home, he texted me again and I don’t know, I said a thing about FWB (he said he had a few) and he said “No, I put them on hold” I said “why? I didn’t ask you anything”. So he said “It’s my way. I want to see what happens with you before”.

I feel so surprised. We haven’t kiss or even really “touch” each other yet. Just texting every day for a week and had 2 dates… It feels nice to see that he is apparently thinking of something serious with me and he’s not rushing things. But I wonder… is he in an imaginary relationship? Lol, it feels weird. Anyway, he asked me out for this Friday again, and he said something about picking fruits at a farm or something. Cute. At least he’s doing all the leaning forward, inviting, planning. It feels refreshing!

Saturday, I had a date with the car dealership’s owner (I’ll call him RushCD). He invited me to his cottage. Since he was already there for the weekend and that I obviously didn’t want to spend the night there, I drove there by myself even though it’s not the most sireny things to do. But I was happy to have an occasion to drive my car so I didn’t really think of it. He was nice too, bought all kind of stuff to cook a lunch, bought wine and we spent the day by the lake, in the sun, drinking and talking. At the end of the afternoon, we went inside to watch some TV, and out of nowhere, he said “I want to kiss you”. I said “that feels weird”, and he said “Can I?” I really felt uncomfortable. Like dude, you’re burning some steps here, no flirting, no cuddling, no nothing and you want to kiss me? I said “it would feel better to be cuddled before kissing” so he took me in his arms and we watched tv for… 2 minutes! And he started kissing me. I really didn’t like that. I felt rushed into something I had said 2 minutes ago that I didn’t want. Like he didn’t care that I didn’t want to be kissed after no flirting. I let him kiss me anyway, thinking that we would kiss for 2 minutes and keep watching the movie while cuddling, but no, he kept kissing me and kissing and kissing none stop. I told him that I’m not really a big kisser. That I kiss to flirt or when I have sex, and that this felt like neither one or the other. Once again, he apparently didn’t listen to me because he kept kissing me and even started untie my bra. WTF?? I told him not to and he did it anyway. So I asked him to drive me to my car and I left.

I feel really turned off. If he calls me again, I think I’ll let him know that I felt turned off and unheard. And I will see him only in public place for now, like restaurant or bars.

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 2:59pm
442: Radlove says:

Daria,

421 – Powerful stuff! Thank you!

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 3:02pm
443: Lizka says:

So on my way back to the city, I thought that ATW could have been at his father’s place like almost every weekend. His place was on my way. So I called him. I told you that I decided to lean a little more forward with him and it seems to be working? So yeah I called him but he was at his place so I said ok and he said let’s go have dinner. So I picked him up and he took me to his favourite restaurant and it was super fun. I told him about my work and the little issue I had last week and I really felt that he was listening to me and he suggested some things I should do and was super protective which felt nice.

Oh I didn’t tell you that I am feeling kind of h*rny lately and obviously I don’t want to sleep with anyone I meet in the street. So in the car back, I tols ATW about this, and about how I missed sleeping with him… and I just invited him over. Just for sex. It was honestly my 1st thought. For sex. No expectation. I just really badly needed sex. And after all, he was super nice, super respectful and attentive to me. We cuddled all night. If he was turning in the bed, he would keep my hand in his. And at one point, before we felt asleep, I hold his hand tighter, and he did the same. After a few seconds of back to normal, he hold it tighter again. I felt it like he said “Don’t worry, I’m here”. I really felt connected. He stayed with me in the morning until the middle of the afternoon, we just watched movies all day and cooked breakfast. At night, he texted me good night.

I feel really good about it because I don’t feel like I broke my boundary of no sex with him. I slept with him in another context, because “I needed sex”, not because “I need him”. I had no expectation and I think I got more. I am not saying that he’s in total love with me right now, but I think he respects me more now. I think we have find a way to communicate and interact with each other. I believe leaning back 100% was not working with him, It’s possible no, It’s possible that it’s not for everyone? I don’t want to make up excuses, but really, since I stopped leaning back 100%, I have a better connexion with him. I still use Rori’s tools and advices, I don’t lean forward 100% of the time, I lean forward, and I lean back and let him come to me a few times then I lean forward again. And I lean forward only when I have no expectation. For example, yesterday, I had my oxytocin withdrawal and I felt a little lost and sad and I wanted to lean forward, but no, I didn’t do it because I know that it would have been just a fix. But later today, I might call him because I want to discuss something about my job with him. It’s not to help me feel better about “us”, it’s just to have an advice from a great adviser. So far, it’s been working super good that way.

And finally, I have also leaned forward with ModelCD today because I haven’t heard from him in a while. I just texted him a joke and he replied “hey I was asleep and just woke up” meaning he was sorry he didn’t call me before. He was caving I guess. And he invited me to go dinner at his new place because he is moving out this weekend. He didn’t confirm a day yet, but I’m pretty sure he’ll call me soon, for next week maybe.

So here I am again this week, super busy bee! I am training harder and harder for the marathon because my race is in 26 days. That’s what I have to do. Again this week with my collegues we have TWO plans of going out and drink tomorrow and Thursday! Friday I’m going out with RamadanCD. I have no plans for the weekend yet but I’m sure I’ll have some soon enough. And if I don’t, I’ll be really happy to just have some time for myself and clean and train and sleep. Ah some ME time would feel good!!

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 3:06pm
444: Radlove says:

Daria,

425 – Yes, I see that now. When she was here, my tools were coming to mind left and right. There I was being accused of the same things my father had been accused of by her, and a few of her estranged friends. And there I saw it for the first time in her:

MIRROR

It sure is a perspective shift, after taking on all this inferiority stuff on myself all my life. I can see it so clearly on a cognitive level. I wish I could shift it that fast emotionally. But what you are saying has been copied and pasted for future reference. I hope and pray my Mom finds healing. She is such a beautiful person aside from the emotional garbage that binds her.

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 3:06pm
445: Daria says:

Giving Girl – thank you for sharing… i feel that icky feeling of remembering that similar pattern for me… many times ive decided on a gain weight diet and sabotaged it w getting stressed out like you describe

im now feeling so much closer to an awareness of myself where i can actually choose this diet/intention plan and keep it up in a consistent way… not skipping on my prep work (thats where i was missing out, not having enough stuff availalbe easily and ‘scrounging’ as you called it)!

it will feel exciting! Babysteps

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 3:08pm
446: Radlove says:

My Claim to Fame

I just watched an HBO special on the Air Force One airplane with keen interest! When Walter Mondale was the vice president, I had the privilege of touring Air Force Two, because my uncle was the pilot! It sure was a special day!

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 3:09pm
447: Daria says:

Giving Girl – similarly to you, when i have lots of gluten and sugar NOT intentionally (ie ‘scrounging’ and ‘settling’ and ‘hurrying’)

and im not having VEGETABLES and FRUIT and and freshness to balance it out… thats’ when my skin/energy/hair/candida issues shows icky

blah

i feel all sad thinking of it now

((Daria))

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 3:11pm
448: Daria says:

once im at that point i remember a couple spoons of the fish oil/cod liver oil has a really fast effect to turn it around

then hopefully getting a green smoothie/huge salad/ big bowl of pho w lemon grass that day or the next

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 3:13pm
449: Daria says:

Apple Cider Vinegar shots also help me ‘temporarily’ when im over sugared and not enough vegetabled

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 3:14pm
450: GivingGirl says:

I will try more high quality fats and proteins. I just put a quinoa and brown rice casserole with greek yogurt, green chiles, olive oil, diced tomatoes, sea salt, pepper, tumeric, onion, garlic and cinnamon in the oven. I’ve been eating butter this week on baked potatoes as well. I usually have peanut butter daily too.

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 3:18pm
451: Lizka says:

I have to go run but I feel so not motivated again. Arrrgggg ok go Lizka!!

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 3:19pm
452: GivingGirl says:

Starla, funny you should call me that. BoatGuy used to call me his little researcher/detective.

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 3:19pm
453: Aurora Girl says:

HI Chickies…..

sharing Susan Jeffers’ affirmation resources to deal with those NVs..

http://www.susanjeffers.com/files_usr/affirmations_are_powerful.pdf

love Aurora
xo

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 3:26pm
454: Daria says:

I eat lots of fats and protein – my main part of my diet – and this keeps me feeling good and does NOT increase or decrease my weight.

I also eat lots of nuts and chocolate.

For me, im pretty sure its the ‘hormony’ starches such as yams, and thick mixes like rice and beans Togehter, and buttery sugary cornmeal that would help me gain weight. Along with drinking fenugreek tea.

i feel guilty sharing about my nutrition stuff in this – i dont want to run off dominique – i noticed im judging myself as being ‘a steam roller’ and ignoring the sensitivities of others. I want to express in a way that others feel heard and included and not dismissed by me. and now i feel sad

i want to heal this

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 3:27pm
455: GivingGirl says:

Lizka

I feel so happy for you. Things seem to be coming together nicely. I’m glad you held your ground with RushCD. I’ve been there before and it is not comfortable. I feel a bad sense of trying to be controlled in those situations.

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 3:30pm
456: Radlove says:

GG,

RE: #450 – That sounds unusual and delicious!

Other high quality fats:

Olive oil
Black olives
Coconut oil

Yum!

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 3:30pm
457: Aurora Girl says:

454 Daria
I like reading what works for you….I like hearing all stories….because life is never so simple or all or nothing….there’s so much variability…

and what you have to say is valid…..for sure…

Thank you for sharing it!

xo
Aurora

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 3:31pm
458: GivingGirl says:

Daria

Thank you. I feel happy knowing you relate to how I’m feeling. I will be taking care of myself tonight and making sure I have a good lunch and dinner for tomorrow. It is school tomorrow and I lack time.

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 3:34pm
459: Radlove says:

My neighbor and I share a trampoline: I own the trampoline (free off Craigslist), and it is in their yard, since my dogs and their fence are filling most of my yard. So we share the use of the trampoline, and it works great!

Right now two 7 year olds are wildly jumping on the trampoline, which is scattered with unfilled water balloons, and the little girl is holding a running hose while she jumps! What a beautiful scene of life and color with the balloons jumping all over the trampoline, LOL! This is great having kids as neighbors…I can stay connected with my lil girl inside!

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 3:34pm
460: Lizka says:

GivingGirl 455 -

“”being controlled” ! Exactly! That’s exactly it!!

And now that I think of it, he was like this too when I was dating him 6 years ago. But I was not a siren in that time and had no boundaries. So he might be thinking that he can act the same as the young 20 years old me. But no. This is why I am open to give him another chance. Because I have changed. If he’s still pushy, too bad. I’m off. Ok I prefer PushyCD. More fun to say!

I’m off to my run now. I’ll be back later sirens!!

xoxo

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 3:35pm
461: Daria says:

so i went to see Getright . wow.

mmm… i remember why i did nto feel good with him. i felt way better than usual and instantly did not really want to stick around now.

this time he was all – i want to have a baby with you, i want to have a child with Daria – to everyone

(i already knwo this from when we were dating)

he’s all.. i want YOU to be the mother of my child…

yu never changed on me… you might be weird but youre still your weird self

(this did not feel good. i dont want a man that i feel put down with, or like im ‘weird’ in a way that feels bad. i noticed.. i did nto express nad the disconnect w him started happening from here)

there were a few other times when similar behaviors came up

and i didn’t really care, i felt bored, and like turned off… and i felt guilty a bit to feel that way towards him

i really care for hima nd i want to be with a man i feel taken care of with

so we’ll see if he swithches EVERYTHING around so he can give to me

apparently he’s all into me now

im gonna give him a chance, if he wants it

i feel excited to communicate about this, and a lil nervous

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 3:38pm
462: GivingGirl says:

@456 Radlove

Thank you. I love olives too.

I’ve never made it like this before. I found the recipe online and changed it up many times depending on what I have. It’s actually supposed to be cream of something soup and sour cream, but don’t have soup and greek yogurt is better than sour cream.

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 3:38pm
463: Daria says:

Neighbor CD had a death in the family and helping his brother with an illness so im letting mr 59 year old cd come see me instead

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 3:41pm
464: Goodheart says:

I am appreciating all the nutrition talk today. It has been my focus lately.

Giving Girl, I am right there with ya, with the breaking out thing. Last month my skin was luminous, flawless! And now, the past 2 weeks, it looks horrible. My diet hasn’t changed drastically except, yes, a bit more sugar. Mostly dark chocolate though (and I try to get good quality). So I am really frustrated.

I know this is hormonal and I need to treat from the inside. I want to try Chasteberry, as recommended by Dominique, but they don’t have it Hi-Health so I will have to look online.

And now I’m interested in the Cod Liver Oil thing (thanks Daria). Not sure where to get that. Or maybe try the ACV first?

So many options – which to choose. What does my body want?

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 3:43pm
465: Daria says:

I want all of those… I want good oils/fats…

I want good acids … acv/fruit juices dominque mentioned…

I want good herbies medicine chasteberry will do it… i’ve been thinking about it too

and I also want good proteins, good carbs, good veggies as fiber and juiceys – good hidration!

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 3:51pm
466: Goodheart says:

Something interesting Dominique just wrote about the body not absorbing the nutrients.

I wonder if this could be true for me.

I really eat super healthy (7-10 servings of fruit/veggies every day). I almost never eat anything processed. Once a week I have a blended coffee drink.

But now I’m breaking out &, truthfully, I feel my hair should be in WAY better shape & it grows ultra slow & breaks easy.

I should be a glowing healthy goddess. What gives?

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 3:51pm
467: Daria says:

The Codliver oil is at most healthfoods including Wholefoods supermarket

i feel so empowered and delighted shopping online though, i often find much more exquisite stuff that is just what i want

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 3:52pm
468: GivingGirl says:

Goodheart

I feel bad you are going through this too. I hope both of our bodies work at healing.

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 3:53pm
469: Starla says:

it’s nice to see you all discussing nutrition. I can’t eat more than half a meal at a time lately thanks to mr. heartbreak, but I’m using that to my advantage, since i’d like to lose about 10-15 pounds.

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 3:53pm
470: Goodheart says:

Me too, Giving Girl. Right now I just cringe & feel so sad when I look in the mirror. Like my body is mad at me.

I want it to be happy again.

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 3:58pm
471: Daria says:

Goodheart – what is healthy to you? when you say you eat healthy is that the fruit and vegetables?…

it sounds like you’re not getting enough FAT and perhaps even protein (hair breaking, skin issues around hormones) and yes, that will definitely slow down absorption

I would get in good fat oils, and eat lots of probiotics to encourage good bacteria to live in my tummy to absorb more nutrients for me

i would eat fish as my protein esp if i was not focusing to build muscle but rather soothe my brain and energy levels ( i would eat some lamb or grass fed beef if i were missing out protein in my muscular system)

outside the US i would drink raw milk for my probiotics… in the US i would look and order a powerful capsule form one

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 4:00pm
472: GivingGirl says:

Goodheart

Sometimes I feel it doesn’t matter if stress is bringing you down. I think it’s my biggest issue right now. I can’t wait for my vacation in 1 month!

What do any of you know about sea buckthorn oil? I seem to find mixed reviews.

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 4:01pm
473: GivingGirl says:

Is liking a photo on FB considered leaning forward?

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 4:02pm
474: Starla says:

capsules make me break out big time. i just switched to organic yogurt and it’s working great:)

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 4:06pm
475: CurvySiren10 says:

I have been learning about the wonders of coconut in the diet. It increases metabolism due to the medium-chain fatty acids and lauric (?) acid. I am fascinated by all of the things it does. Unrefined, organic, virgin is best. I am cooking with it exclusively now.

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 4:13pm
476: CurvySiren10 says:

Oops I left out an important word…coconut OIL.

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 4:14pm
477: Daria says:

Starla – ive heard that theres huge differences between the capsules at diff brands so some work well for some people and others for other people

i like yoghurt way better when i have it … id drink hella of it to equate it to the capsule tho… like a liter a day of it

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 4:15pm
478: Daria says:

Sea Buckthorn – !! Ive tried it infused in apple cider vinegar

mm its great for older people to boost and strengthen their metabolism

mmm id say you’d probably want to take a lot of it (several sppoonfools) consistently and you’d notice consistent steady energy and less cold in your extremities… in a very mild fashion

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 4:17pm
479: Daria says:

Giving Girl – mostly yeah. Receivin a ‘like’ however, and saying thank you for them feels feminine to me

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 4:19pm
480: Starla says:

alright beautiful women, i am off to the gym. love to me and my awesome body <3

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 4:19pm
481: Daria says:

okay Coconut oil people — i love coconut… and yet many times the coconut oil is like a butter that tastes ‘ick’ to me. almost like it’s rancid. is there a brand or soemthing that does NOT taste that way? is mine kinda rancid, or does it all taste like that… ive noticed many people saying they Love the taste…

im usualy loving the taste of everything and anything so i felt surprised to feel that way with coconut oil

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 4:21pm
482: CurvySiren10 says:

Daria, are you getting the unrefined virgin stuff? It has a very mild, definitely not rancid taste, and exudes the lovely aroma of coconut. I have heard that the refined coconut oils can be kind of nasty, ie. “rancid” maybe?!

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 4:23pm
483: GivingGirl says:

Starla

When I can’t eat from being emotional, I drink smoothies so I still get my nutrition and my tummy doesn’t mind it. My tummy really feels my emotions and moods.

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 4:31pm
484: GivingGirl says:

@478 Daria

Oh that feels good. I have autoimmune disease and my extremities are frequently cold.

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 4:35pm
485: Dominique says:

Daria – hugs to you. I don’t feel run off at all. you are not saying anything very different than I plus everyone’s body is different, requiring sometimes a different intake of nutrients.

xxoo

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 4:35pm
486: GivingGirl says:

Daria, I buy the Nutiva Organic Extra Virgin Coconut Oil. Ingredients are organic, unrefined, cold-pressed, extra-virgin coconut oil. I think unrefined is important. I like how this tastes and smells.

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 4:37pm
487: lk says:

i feel sad & i don’t know why & i’m just going to say ok yes i feel sad sad sad mad mad mad stomp my foot

now i do feel curious

i kind of feel magical because i was just feeling sad. & i really wanted to just be sad sad until cd gets home, then get him sad. & in the mean time, i was going to describe how sad i feel & Explain it – i was going to Explain it – oh that is so interesting…… you are a nice girl, lk & thank you for talking to me : ) aww CUTE ! i can have this nice inner dialogue & i can be my own best friend. i feel really guilty & embarrassed & “Messed Up” now… happy & jump-ing up happy though ! : ))….. ooooh very self-conscious, & “i don’t believe you” oh, ok, lk : ) there are a lot of us & we can all keep talking about it all day & all night & all life long, ok ? i really am my own best friend. really & truly, i will never ever abandon myself. hugs to me. close hugs like only i can give myself. i am totally One with me lol & all the buggies inside & around me & all the buzzing things…

ok i really do feel good. there are a million ways to feel “bad” but that’s just looking down; you can look up too. but you can look down, too. sometimes you are actually going downward ! ooh neat : ) & back up, feels peaceful, the waves, the women

i really can be my own best friend. i like to see daria & starla talking. i like it & it looks like me – just me. i’m everyone.

someone says X – i hear Y – they tell me they meant X

still, i do not fully Hear them…. oh, i can….. but there are 2 sides of it on my end that “interfere”…. what i Hear – what i am Sensitive / Attuned to notice – the things that Remind me of a pattern i’ve experienced – the things i Fear……… then – how i React – what i’ve seen other people do, what makes me feel “Comfortable”…. not what Works, though. i barely ever do What Works

& the only way is to release guilt, release past/future

just me, now, here, who i am. love to me, & with that, the entire universe. loving myself, loving you – loving you, loving myself – loving you, loving us – loving us, loving myself

feel scared again. feel not-good-enough. feel Silenced. feel brutal & brutalized. & it really is so easy to switch it. i choose Bliss & Peace – i can do that. over & over again. practicing. practicing every day. “Yoke yourself to disciplined Love” ok ok i will practice & intend & want that

i like to go back & forth – i love you, i respect myself; i respect myself, i love you; i honor you, i trust myself; i honor myself, i trust you

i’m all Curious about things, & melancholic about how distant that Forgiveness seems…. i want that. i intend that. i declare Love & Forgiveness as my Practice. please help me. thank you

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 4:38pm
488: Dominique says:

Daria – I get mine at Trader Joes, extra virgin, no rancidity with a lovely, mild coconut aroma. At a great price too, @ $4.00

xxoo

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 4:39pm
489: lk says:

yoga means yoke

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 4:46pm
490: lk says:

yummy i like coconut oil, but if it is too cold / too solid, it is “yuck” to me

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 4:48pm
491: Ravenquile says:

There really is no such Dynamic as masculine and feminine energy. An attraction either is or isn’t, in various degrees; you really can’t create one if one does not exist. That has nothing at all to do with a relationship, however. Mutual getting and giving, pleasing and being pleased, by each other’s company, laughter, whatever. MUTUAL. When something is going all one way, or lopsided, something is wrong. ( Now, we know that you have to push to try to nudge a man off his feet).

I think women get tripped up with all this false teaching; I have seen lopsided power approaches; but sometimes it is the man, sometimes it is the woman. This matters when there is NOT an even, mutual, attraction or a mutual kindred click kind of thing going on; it NEVER happens in a mutual/matched relational combo.

When it is not mutual/matched, natural, smooth, open flow is not going down; this is where you have to know how to create communication, rapport, relational styles to match the person at hand ( different strokes for different folks kind of thing is what you do ).

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 4:54pm
492: Radlove says:

LK,

Coconut oil melts at 83 degrees. One friend of mine likes it on cooked corn. I like to fry pancakes in it! Yum!

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 4:58pm
493: Radlove says:

Jordan Rubin is a naturopathic physician who talks a lot about the value of coconut products. I also like to make smoothies with coconut milk.

It is also my favorite lubricant when I am making love!

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 5:01pm
494: Radlove says:

Sirens,

You know what I wish I could do? I wish I could watch some of you silently and invisible for a day to see you in action with all your feeling messages and Sireny practices!

I would learn so much! It is a pleasure to learn from you all on here.

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 5:03pm
495: siren song says:

my date stood me up! i feel so weird.

i feel like i am in the pits this week.

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 5:04pm
496: Goodheart says:

Daria, I do eat salmon at least once a week, plus chicken once or twice a week, cooked in EVO or real butter. I tend to stay away from red meats, but like me some ground sausage once in awhile.

I was eating greek yogurt for a couple weeks, but really feel it contributed to my skin breaking out (just a strong feeling). I’ve heard the probiotic pills aren’t good/effective so I’m a little bit confused on where to get my probiotics.

Thanks for your input, I really appreciate & value your opinion

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 5:12pm
497: Goodheart says:

I get my coconut oil from Sprouts.

It tastes pretty good spread on some multi-grain toast with honey~

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 5:13pm
498: Goodheart says:

Dominique, regarding the Chasteberry – is there a particular kind to get?

I’ve been looking online & there are tablets, berries, liquid – I feel ugh. Confused.

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 5:15pm
499: Memulo says:

I wonder about the best way to stay supportive but express that I don’t want to listen too much about the ‘battle’ That is if I ever get a call LOL

On the other hand, how can I be supportive if I am not listening to what bothers him the most?

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 5:24pm
500: Sun Goddess says:

((((siren song)))))

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 5:24pm
501: Sun Goddess says:

493, rad love,

That would be so cool!

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 5:25pm
502: Memulo says:

My friends keep on texting to ask about my status – that feels really nice;)

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 5:30pm
503: Memulo says:

#487 lol lk

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 5:33pm
504: Vi says:

#279, 293
light heart, thanks a lot!!! Your welcome feels soo good and I am feeling all smiley
Love to you sirens.

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 5:36pm
505: siren song says:

thanks SG.

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 5:37pm
506: Vi says:

#135, 151
Radlove, I am reading your comments about relationship with your mom and I am feeling ..involved. Connection with my mom has been a huge topic for me for the last ..4 years. I thought she is the best in the world till I married a very toxic guy and her advise to handle the situation was to tolerate it and wait and maybe one day smth. changes… I went to psychoterapist and what I digged out there, was Anger, with capital A. Anger to my both parents…they turned out to be not ideal at all.. suddenly I realized we have never been truly connected… at least the way I’d like it to be.. I felt so disappointed and as if I’ve been fooled for my whole life! Actually you are the second person whom I tell that I visited a psychoterapist .. It feels sad.. neither my husband nor my mom still know nothing about that..
Ever since Anger followed me everywhere – for about 2 years.. It felt unbearable, it felt uncomfortable, I felt guilty and couldn’t shake it off.
One day it felt so intense that I sat down and draw a picture and titled it “my family and my role in it’. I found myself feeling like a ball for my parents. For my mom I felt more like a baseball – because of strict game rules and functioning without breaks and it also felt more hurtful. With my dad I felt more like an inflatable ball – my dad overall was more gentle with me And after that.. I felt sad and.. more relieved… I still keep that picture in my computer and remember it when I feel like I am being manipulated.. and at the same time it helps me try not to be a ball at least in my own hands and feel (and try to be) more responsible and human to myself…
I also understood that I felt Anger to my mom because she reminded me about everything I hated in myself and always wanted to get rid of…and never could. And because I felt completely powerless to change that.. It started to shift a little – riffing, Rory’s tools and body dialogues help A LOT.
Half year ago my dad passed away. And now I feel how lonely she is, because she knows only how to function – for the sake of other people to make them love her… like I have always been… and I am not feeling angry at her any more… because I got more comfortable with myself… for me usually it feels sad to talk to her and I am feeling all tense and like I’m on duty… and it’s okay.. (((((love to me))))))
Love to you, Radlove, lots of warm – fluffy – good feeling unconditional love….
Love to you sirens.

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 5:42pm
507: Sassy says:

Sirens,
I want to try the “Lizka lean back countdown” beginning tomorrow as Day One. But I really need a lot of support because I have a horrible time with not leaning forward especially when I feel ignored.
Anyone up for helping me thru this?

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 5:43pm
508: Vi says:

Oh I feel my heart pounding after posting something that feels so personal .. it’s okay heart.. love to you, my sweet-heart..
love to you sirens.

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 5:45pm
509: Healing Waterfall says:

Hi
I feel lonely and i feel unable to settle.
I feel tightness in my cheekbones and my jaw and i feel fatigue.
I feel excited to be present with my feelings.
I feel ready to have s*x just to do it.
I feel my body needs it. light heart, i feel it is time…i need closure

Hi lk

This blog feels so amazing, thanks sirens for keeping it going, what an incredible space…..
hugs

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 5:57pm
510: Lily Medusa says:

Rori,
I’m feeling so excited to see your response to my comment. I feel seen.

I chose the name Lily Medusa. Legally, to the outside world, I’m known by a different name. So, no worries about the privacy issue. Lily Medusa is my name for my mystical, spiritual self. Thanks for complimenting my choice! And I appreciate you for looking out for me.

Thanks to all the Sirens. I feel inspired by your stories. I am learning so much from you. It is so nice to feel connected to a whole community of goddesses.

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 5:57pm
511: Radlove says:

Vi,

RE: #505 – Thank you for sharing. That is really sad, and I really relate. My Mom has also spent her life being a people pleaser. I am seeing her in a whole new light, and it isn’t easy to see how messed up she…and I…are/were emotionally. I guess the more I see it in perspective, the quicker I will heal. Doing my best. I sure would like to see her heal too.

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 6:51pm
512: siren song says:

Chatting with guys online tonight, i can totally feel which ones are masc energy now…feminine energy feels like it’s kind of pulling me in.

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 6:52pm
513: lk says:

daria, you really can heal everyone all at once ! because… particles interact with each other infinitely once they’ve interacted at all – Spooky Action At A Distance ! wow : ) you should totally heal me right now : ) Quantum Entanglement

& also i read that many things are infinite or wave-like until they are measured & then they become finite or particle-like. i find that interesting when i think about Money (as a unit) & Economics or Capitalism (as a Force or Energy or … ? i am not a physicist) & i wanted to mention it to you : ))

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 6:58pm
514: Radlove says:

Vi,

507 – Keep doing it! It’s liberating! Ugly secrets lose their power over you after they are voiced. I have found a lot of freedom in opening up here.

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 7:01pm
515: Sun Goddess says:

I need money (he owes me) from LP, but I don’t really want to see him or talk to him. Funny, I used to hate when he ignored me for days now I hope he does. Music man is so good to me. He took me to see a movie I know he didn’t want to see yesterday. LP would have never done that!

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 7:06pm
516: Vi says:

#506
Sassy, I’m in your Cheerleading team
Love to you.

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 7:17pm
517: siren song says:

sassy,

let’s be leanback buddies!

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 7:19pm
518: Vi says:

#512
Radlove, thank you. I feel accepted and seen and it feels good..
Actually I am not very used to feeling good when I find myself seen .. and I am healing it now – thank you for the experience.
And yes, it really feels liberating and…not so ugly after all
Love to you!

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 7:25pm
519: Radlove says:

Vi,

Awww, you’re welcome! How long have you been on the blog?

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 7:35pm
520: Jan says:

Hi Sassy…I’ll do it with you. Day one. Let’s go. With the support on here we can do this.

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 7:41pm
521: LoveAlways says:

Hi Sirens.

Wow, this was a long article but worth reading! I’m in my soup tonight. I was online at a dating sight and reactivated my account and notice CD assertive was on line too. I just ignored that fact and kept right on doing my thing. We haven’t spoken in days and although it feels awkward, I feel released. He’s not calling me, but then again, I don’t want anything else to do with him. I want someone new to feel for. I can’t explain it because there are so many feelings involved, but this is the right thing. Sometimes it’s just not as easy to go through the process. I’m angry that I wasted so much of my precious time with him (I know, know, what was the lesson, but I don’t feel like thinking about that right now because I’m angry

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 7:51pm
522: arrowofthyme says:

rori! re: your comment on 284 for what to say when a man feels resentful for paying for meals. thank you.
i had tried the “lets make meals together and eat cheaply when we do go out” but i didnt say the important part, which is that it doesnt feel good to split the meals.

so much has happened today. i submitted a “worst date experience story” about the same guy to EMK’s website. and i got told. he was horrified that at 14 dates i hadnt offered to cover the meal yet. he said men weren’t ATM machines. what i didnt explain in the story was that along the way, i had made homemade meals for the guy that were costly, bought zoo tickets for him but no, i never offered to cover a meal he invited me to. a part of me felt like i was folling the feminine, receptive guidelines and a part of me knew that i really couldnt afford it. and i never really communicated that early on, partly because i felt embarrassed to talk about my finances.

EVK mentioned to me that i should offer to pay at least around or before the 4th or 5th date. even with the homemade meals and the zoo tickets because clearly not doing that specific thing is going to make a man feel unappreciated. that waiting 14 dates wasnt feminine.

i feel gross. like this is something that has to do with my wanting to be rescued and maybe thats why i didnt offer, and something to do with picking a man who’s still a boy and cant communicate, and something to do with my own lack of communication and my own shame at not making as much as the man,but im still trying to seperate them.

i couldnt offer to cover meals that i cant afford so i probably should have brought up the subject ahead of time. said the restaurant he suggested was out of my range and i wouldnt be able to cover it and see what he did. been proactive?

i dont know. it all feels awkward. and painful for some reason. it’s taken me so long to receive any kind of love. and i know im not a golddigger. i was trying my best.

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 7:57pm
523: LoveAlways says:

CDing makes this stepping back/away process more bearable than ever before in my lifetime –

I’m leaning back after talking to CD song. Started not to answer the phone because I just was not in the mood to be siren-y but I did it as much as I could. He can be so sweet sometimes. WOW, how can I feel such different friggin things at one time????

I’m too exhausted to think any more – I’m leaning back and going to give in to the feeling and rest.

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 8:15pm
524: LoveAlways says:

I’m too tired to read the blog tonight – wow, over 500 posts! I’m so so behind! Hope you are all doing well. Namaste & Good night

LoveAlways

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 8:19pm
525: siren song says:

i haven’t thought about contacting my ex at all today. yay me.

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 8:45pm
526: Turquoise says:

Silver moonbeam, I have never had this kind of luck on pof before. Not including the 4 guys I’ve dated, I am still hearing from a lot of men who have qualities I am looking for, where in the past, I was extremely disappointed with the caliber of men. I think my vision is clearer, I don’t want to settle, I feel better about dating all the way around. Maybe I am more ready now?

I feel to attract a man I am seriously attracted to, and not settle for less, I still need to work on me. Now it doesn’t feel like a chore though, and I love that!

When I start to think about settling or he’s good enough, better than the others,… I remember that I love myself too much to not really have the relationship I want.

So don’t give up…. There are men out there for you that have what you want! Hugs!!!!!

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 8:51pm
527: Vi says:

#517
Radlove, thanks for asking. I discovered it for myself several months ago. The last 2-3 months I come here almost daily.
Love to you.

Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 11:36pm
528: pipsqueak says:

I just realized how controlling I have been with my partner. We live together, he’s ill will depression and I have been helping him through it. We have been together 4 months and although he was the one that suggested we live together, I was the one that kinda pushed it along.
For the past few mnths he had been unresponsive on and off but it really got bad a few weeks back and I have not been happy and have been getting angry or bursting into tears about it.
I feel like I have been his mum and trying to convince him of looking after himself.
Today he told me he needed to get away, found out who he was, I freaked and said No I’ll leave.. So I did , on the way out the door, he said he loved me but needed to find his own way. I again told him that he is ill and his own way will come when he’s better and that I wanted to help him,, what a control freak, I know I need to let him go but I’m scared it will be the end. I’m so scared of loosing the tenderness between us.
Tonight I keep thinking about calling him and telling him how sorry I am. He thinks it’s all his fault and that he’s not man enough to look after me, he tells me he knows I am attractive and that he will be jealous if I’m with anyone else but that he just doesn’t deserve to be with me. I know he really believes this because I see what a hard time he gives himself every day. He’s full of self loathing but he’s really such a sweet heart, he’s really so lovable .. But I have to own being a control freak and telling him what to do becasue I want him to feel better and I healed myself of depression a few years back but I have made so many mistakes. Now I am at a friends house and i’m scared it’s all done.
I’ve read roris book and listened to reconnect your relationship lots of times, but it just doesn’t seem to have dropped in, I think I’ve been in denial that I am so manipulative.
I want to tell him I’m scared I have been making so many mistakes and that I’m scared he will leave but that makes me sound so weak and pathetic
HELP !

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 2:08am
529: Femininewoman says:

((((((((((((((((((((pipsqueak)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 2:34am
530: Lizka says:

Good morning sirens!!!!

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 3:45am
531: Memulo says:

Good morning Lizka,

You sound great!

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 3:56am
532: Femininewoman says:

She wrote me:

“Dear Rori, Thank you. Yes, my anger, has always been a problem for me. I feel anger towards men period (inherited it from my family as well). I’m aware, don’t want to hate men, but I have anger. And sometimes I’m yelling, and sometimes I want to throw things. Sometimes I don’t even know I’m angry. I’m afraid I’ll get so angry I’ll scare him away. I know I feel anger towards my boyfriend for things he does and doesn’t do, but some of it is from past relationships and family attitudes. But I don’t want to be angry!! Cheryl”

I wrote her:

Cheryl, sometimes we’re angry because, really, we’re scared.

And anger is a much more powerful, much better feeling emotion than fear.

Anger can get us into gear.

Anger can propel us to make changes.

But, sometimes, we vent our anger on someone else (usually the people closest to us) because we’re really angry at ourselves.

We’re really angry at our own fear and lack of boundaries.

When we’re closed off in some ways, we attract relationships that keep that kind of balance and tension – it’s just too scary to get closer.

So, as you practice what we worked on tonight, you may feel some barriers coming down, and you will feel him come closer to you – it may feel messy and scary and uncomfortable.

Consider it a gift and as a sign that you’re on the right track.

Practice visualizing him coming closer to you while your defenses are down. Don’t let him come any closer than you’re comfortable, and take it slow – until you can allow him really close while you’re relaxed and undefended.

Also – right in line with doing less is SPEAKING less. We women are gifted communicators, but what I’m asking you to do is to learn to get comfortable with silence. Once you do, you’re half-way there.

Love, Rori

As her relationship with her boyfriend blossomed, she experienced moments of falling back into old patterns, but the relationship kept moving forward.

She’d stopped rowing, and he was doing all the work himself – and feeling great about it!

Love, Rori

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 4:23am
533: Francesca says:

Good morning Lizka and Memulo!

Good morning Sirens!

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 4:24am
534: Femininewoman says:

The latest e-letter was great
He’ll Fall In Love If You Change This One Thing

The truth is, if you feel that relationships are draining and exhausting, it’s because you’re working at them too hard.

And being nice and kind doesn’t help at all. Most of the time, in fact, working hard and being nice and kind actually pushes men away!

Imagine your relationship is a boat. Who’s doing the rowing? Is it you? Pretty much all by yourself? Are you doing all the rowing?

Most of us, if we really look at ourselves and our relationships honestly, would say “Yes, I’m rowing the boat.”

You may be smiling and pretending you’re not, but if men and relationships seem difficult to you, chances are you’re rowing hard, and he’s just enjoying the cruise (unless he decides he’d rather jump ship.)

I remember a letter I got from Cheryl.

Cheryl was in the very common situation of being with a boyfriend she loved for over a year and a-half with no commitment in sight.

He told her he was “just not ready to commit.” He said he needed “space,” he liked “living alone and that he didn’t know if she was “the one.”

He wasn’t even spending enough time with her – not even calling regularly.

But Cheryl thought he was a great man, a great boyfriend, and would make a wonderful husband, and she didn’t want to give up.

When she came to me as a client, she felt she had nowhere to turn, no options other than to either leave him or to stay – exactly on his terms – and hope it would somehow get better.

I offered Cheryl a third way to go – to stop doing everything she was doing that was pushing her man away, and begin to listen, speak and just be in ways that would draw him in closer.

Instead of trying to get him to commit to her, she would inspire and motivate him to want to commit to her.

She would step back and let him step up to the plate.

She would stop moving toward him, stop trying to convince him to want to be with her, stop telling him what she needed and wanted, and give him the room to come toward her.

And in the process, she would feel some of the feelings she’d avoided feeling for so long – the feelings she’d kept hidden from herself by working so hard to make the relationship work.

Intimacy can be scary.

No matter how much we say we want it, we’re really all terrified of getting close to a man.

We’re afraid he’ll see who we really are – especially the parts we don’t like about ourselves.

And some of us have so many parts we don’t like that we spend most of our energy trying to keep those parts hidden – not just from men, but from ourselves, too.

I asked Cheryl to begin to listen and speak in completely different ways.

First, I asked her to listen and speak to HERSELF in completely different ways.

I asked her to stop working so hard at her relationship and instead to turn her energy into doing what feels good to her.

I asked her to appreciate and take care of herself. I asked her to listen to her own body and speak to herself in ways that no longer undermined herself and her relationship.

I asked her to treat herself as though she had boundaries.

I asked her to absolutely stop running herself down and beating herself up – to ignore the voice inside her head screaming at her, strangling her, telling her what she could and couldn’t do, could and couldn’t have, mustn’t, shouldn’t, couldn’t want.

I asked her to stop analyzing, processing and thinking about what her man was doing and thinking.

I asked her to pretty much stop thinking entirely!

And then I asked her to listen and speak to her man from her heart.

This is a lot of asking.

I asked Cheryl to essentially change the way she was thinking, listening, speaking and using body language.

I was asking her to change her perspective about everything.

And I was asking her to stop doing and to just be.

Sounds like a lot.

Sounds like years and years of self-help books and personal growth seminars.

And that’s a wonderful way to go.

Only, I was asking her to make these changes NOW.

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 4:31am
535: Radlove says:

Francesca,

Good morning!

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 4:31am
536: Radlove says:

Memulo and Lizka and all other Sirens,

Good morning!

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 4:33am
537: Radlove says:

FW,

RE: 532 = Yeah, that was an especially good one.

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 4:33am
538: Radlove says:

Arrowofthyme,

520 – Ewww, I feel yucky hearing what Evan said!

I also feel sad for you, being left in confusion when you are doing so well otherwise! I admit up front: I am TOTALLY partial to Rori Raye. Many Sirens have followed her guidance and IT WORKS.

The way I see it, you did well to allow the man to pay for your meals. Like my exhusband has said to me, “He’s supposed to!”

What I learned from Rori is that a relationship is like a dance. There are two roles when two people are dancing together. If both partners try to take the lead role, they will be stepping on each other’s feet. What I feel about tools and guidelines is if I don’t feel sure, I just try it, and prove it for myself.

Inadvertantly, in this case, I tried the OPPOSITE of what Rori said, because I was already in a relationship before I started listening to Rori’s programs. I will tell you the result in the next post, because this one is getting lengthy…

You came to the right place!!!

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 4:47am
539: Francesca says:

Good morning, Radlove!

FW, thank you for that article, it’s a great read.

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 4:52am
540: Radlove says:

Arrowofthyme,

When I started dating R, most of our dates were at my house. He has mental illness and therefore was on disability and didn’t have much money. So I accepted having dates at my house, because I knew he couldn’t afford to take me out much. Once in a while he took me out for coffee.

Since I didn’t know Rori’s tools yet, I didn’t know how to handle it. I got bored with being at my house night after night, so I offered to treat R out to eat. I started offering to take him out to eat more and more. Next thing I knew, among other things, the relationship was all lopsided.

Because I was paying, I was in effect leading the relationship. It felt weirder and weirder. So eventually I stopped, and I found Rori’s programs and have been a learner ever since, the past three years.

I have discussed this in depth with my exhusband, K, because he is very open to talk about things like this, unlike most men. He is what he calls “oldschool”, and he is 60 years old (it’s funny, cuz R is 32!) K said it doesn’t matter what modern society says, that it is proper for a man to be a protector and provider.

At times I feel uncomfortable at that moment on dates when it is time to pay. But you know what? When I am with a man who pays without a second thought, I feel really good. I feel taken care of and valued. After seeing both sides of this question, I strongly agree with Rori.

Also, if you have time to do a find and search throughout the blog, Daria has made a lot of comments about who pays. You could search “Pay” or “money” or whatever.

Please don’t let Evan confuse you. He was a waiter 10 or 15 years ago. Evan is very intelligent and knowledgeable. Rori has a lifetime of experience, and she has BEEN there. She is a woman.

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 4:57am
541: Turquoise says:

Good morning sirens! About paying on dates, I normally don’t pay, but in relationships I have in the past. But with So Ready, first date i didnt pay for anything. We had dinner and drinks and he brought me easter candy for my girls. Second date the other day, we went to the movies, dinner and drinks, and I did pay for the snacks at the movie. He had picked up the concert tickets that morning and commented a few times that they were $180. I wanted to see how he’d react to me paying, and I just got a feeble ok response. So, not sure how that made him feel, but he stopped talking about the concert ticket price, repeatedly checked with me to see if I wanted more drinks, etc. he’s doing all the driving, lives 1.5 hrs away. I didn’t mine paying for popcorn and drinks, but I wouldn’t want to be paying often. And that is exactly it, doesn’t feel romantic. Feels like friends for me to pay too or split a bill. I can express that to a man.

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 5:05am
542: Radlove says:

Turquoise,

Good morning! I like Rori’s feeling message to Arrow:

It just doesn’t feel romantic to split the cost of dates when we’re “dating” – and I don’t care what we do–It just feels good to know you and feel if we’re on the same page and a good match for the long term. I feel happy just walking and eating from grocery stores and taco stands and making food together.”

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 5:19am
543: Memulo says:

Turquoise,

Sorry I misunderstood – are you saying that you suggested to pay $180 for the tickets or just said ok when he mentioned the price?

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 5:29am
544: Iamabutterfly says:

@437 Rori – Thanks so much for your comment! I think you were referring to me…May Fly…hehe.

I feel as though I was feeling too insecure and sensitive, but I was only running on an hour of sleep that night! Now, I’m realizing all the fun flirty things I could’ve said…

Oh well. Lesson learned, more opportunities to feel alert and responsive! Thanks again!

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 5:39am
545: lk says:

she’s saying that after he told her the tickets were 180, she decided to pay for something small & he said “ok”

: )

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 5:41am
546: Iamabutterfly says:

I want to get over this belief that I’m “bad” at flirting. I am an expert at flirting with guys that I’m not serious about or that I’m not that interested in. It just flows so easily and it feels so fun!

But, when I can see myself with the guy long-term, I clam up and overthink. I feel self-conscious and lose that playfulness that usually feels so easy.

How can I fix this?

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 5:46am
547: Iamabutterfly says:

Drop my expectations. Be ready to feel surprised. Keep it light enough to travel. Feel playful. Be his playmate. Be every man’s playmate! Be my own playmate!

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 5:57am
548: Radlove says:

Iamabutterfly,

544 – I SO relate! I am the same way! I think the fix is by CDing everyone around you, and getting that practice until it comes second nature. Yet when I get in the situation where the outcome of the relationship really matters to me, I clam up again.

I totally noticed myself doing that with R. It feels so frustrating. That is cool what Rori said to May Fly! You you you you…..May Fly you!

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 5:59am
549: Iamabutterfly says:

I went for a long brisk walk and danced to my Ipod last night. Felt soooo good. Stay playful, butterfly! You are so much fun!

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 6:00am
550: Radlove says:

Iamabutterfly,

That is so cool you are taking an acting class! That is one of the number one things Rori suggests! I have been meaning to do it, and I really should get serious about it!

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 6:00am
551: Starla says:

ummm, really feeling annoyed. the first thing i think about is CF when I wake up. It was like this when we were together. I want him out of my head. gone. poof. please?

I haven’t been truly single in a long long long time. I can’t remember the last time I didn’t wake up thinking about some man in my romantic life.

I want to avoid men until I am waking up thinking about myself and my day ahead:P

Sooooo annoyed with this cr*p.

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 6:12am
552: Iamabutterfly says:

My new goal is to be more playful.

Ewww, goal sounds so grown-up!!!

I can’t believe I just “set a goal” to be more playful!!!

Clearly, I need to chill…

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 6:13am
553: Memulo says:

Thank you lk

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 6:19am
554: Iamabutterfly says:

@549 Starla – I know the feeling. Sounds like you may have a little bit of a relationship-addiction-thing going on.

but it also sounds like you are on a better path!

I love praying when I first wake up. Sometimes, I like to thank God for the pretty early morning glow I notice from my window. Or for the comforting sounds of the wind. Or for how snuggly and well-rested I feel.

Patience. The obsession will fade with time…

Love to you!

I think it’s normal to think about someone like that when you are going through a seperation, though.

You miss him, and it’s okay to miss him.

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 6:20am
555: Starla says:

I know if I rebound, it will dull the pain and slow down my thoughts of CF. But eventually I’ll have obsessive scared thoughts about the rebound guy. So I am just going to suffer through this until it goes away. Maybe I have to deal with another month of this cr*p and that’s okay. I went googling for advice, and I am seeing people who go 6 months obsessing, even when they’re relationship didn’t last for much longer than that.

So annoyed. rahhhh! out of my head please!!

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 6:22am
556: Starla says:

Yes, Iamabutterly! I am ADDICTED to relationships.
ahhhhhhhhhhhh
withdrawalllllllllllllllll

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 6:24am
557: Iamabutterfly says:

@548 Radlove – I’m actually not taking an acting class, but I interpreted what Rori was saying as a reference to being actors and actresses in the Play of Love, if you will.

I feel silly saying “Play of Love.”

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 6:24am
558: T-Girl says:

My one year anniversary with J is coming up in less than 2 weeks. I am wondering if I should buy him a present?

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 6:25am
559: Iamabutterfly says:

I feel so curious about this idea of being an actress when it comes to relationships. I feel a little confused. I thought authenticity was key. But I feel as though playfulness and openness and experimentation are also important elements. I feel so curious! and I feel a little dumb. :/

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 6:30am
560: May Fly says:

Hello Butterfly and other ladies,

I feel confused by Rori’s reply.
I wanted her to validate my anger at my man asking other women to flirt with him.

How does that fit in with me being his number one? And him making me feel like his only princess?

I don’t think Daria would like it.

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 6:30am
561: Iamabutterfly says:

I feel a seething loathing hatred for spelling errors!

Separation!

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 6:32am
562: May Fly says:

We are actors (my man and I), and need to express all kinds of emotions with other actors on stage.

It makes me feel jealous when he is kissing a pretty lady actress.

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 6:33am
563: Iamabutterfly says:

Mmm…I feel hungry. Seasoned thinly sliced salmon and asparagus with seasoning and olive oil would feel so good to eat right now!

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 6:33am
564: Iamabutterfly says:

May Fly! So, Rori was talking to YOU and not me. I feel embarassed!

and I understand the jealousy thing all too well…

((((May Fly))))

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 6:34am
565: Brandylion says:

((((Starla))))

I’m in the same boat. PriestCD is the *still* (six and a half weeks post-break up) the first thing I think about when I get up and the last thing I think about before I go to sleep. H3ll, I cried myself to sleep for the second time this week last night; I did so the first few nights after we broke up and then only a handful of times in the intervening weeks.

I’m feeling better today about talking to and meeting new men from OkC. I haven’t revamped my PoF profile or put an ad on Craigslist yet, but that’s okay. I feel comfortable starting small, especially since this is the busiest time of the school year for me and I have marathon training yet to do! Oh, and I’m heading back to AZ to finish my master’s degree program at the start of June and I’ll be there for the whole summer. It might feel fun to meet some guys now, but I don’t feel good diverting time and attention to them while I’m a couple thousand miles away, ya know?

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 6:35am
566: Iamabutterfly says:

May Fly, what is the original comment number that Rori was responding to? It would feel good and enlightening to read it, so I could respond to you better, knowing your situation better…

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 6:36am
567: May Fly says:

Thank you Butterfly.

It is tough. I ask myself so many questions.
I wonder, can an actor (who needs to be in his sensitive side for his work) really be a masculine man in relationship?

Might I feel more secure with a plumber, or mechanic, for example?

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 6:39am
568: Iamabutterfly says:

@563 Brandylion – I totally understand where you’re coming from, but I feel sad reading this because when we do things like crying ourselves to sleep over a man, it shows that we are giving WAY too much importance to HIM and NOT enough importance to OURSELVES.

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 6:42am
569: May Fly says:

Thank you Butterfly.

My first post is number 349

It is tough. I ask myself so many questions.
I wonder, can an actor (who needs to be in his sensitive side for his work) really be a masculine man in relationship?

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 6:42am
570: Memulo says:

Starla,

I read many times that the average time ‘to forget’ is about half of a relationship time. I used to be this way, but recently I just stopped. Whatever they do to break it just turns me off. Yes, it is painful and very intense and I feel terrible but when I think really?? half of a relationship time?? NO WAY!!!!!!!!!!!!! and it stops naturally

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 6:49am
571: Coco Kisses says:

(((((((coco)))))))))

Today is my 3rd wedding anniversary, surprisingly i dont feel as sad as i thought i would, i wonder if he remembered it today? I am going to do something special for myself today……i have my first counseling session today, it is still a little hard for me to believe my husband doesnt love me anymore….i am praying for healing of my heart so i can be fully emotionally available to love my true love

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 7:03am
572: Coco Kisses says:

((((((starla))))))))
((((((to all the sirens going through painful break ups))))))

Yes it sucks

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 7:06am
573: May Fly says:

(((((((Coco Kisses)))))))

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 7:08am
574: Coco Kisses says:

@Memulo 567

Im with ya….im not trying to take 2 yrs to get over my husband…all i need is a few months of not communicating with him and i will be ok, especially that i know he doesnt care ablut me

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 7:10am
575: Iamabutterfly says:

@566 May Fly – Hmm…I don’t feel certain about Rori’s response either.

I think I get what she’s saying…

maybe he was trying to get you to flirt with him by asking the other girls to flirt with him and not you?

like a subliminal way of saying “we need to be flirting more?”

or a way of making you feel jealous?
or a way of seeing how you would react?

or maybe he wanted you to observe how the other girls flirted with him so you could learn how to flirt yourself?

whatever the case may be, don’t take yourself so seriously. Flirting feels light and playful and fun.

how does it feel to flirt with your man?
what could you do to flirt with him?

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 7:10am
576: Femininewoman says:

T-Girl why would you want to buy him a present? What purpose would that serve? is a question I would ask in practicing Conscious Loving.

These kinds of questions help to guide my intuition.

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 7:19am
577: Iamabutterfly says:

@566 May Fly – I feel certain that an actor can be a masculine man in a relationship. I feel so good with NopressureCD, who is an actor. He brings this delicious masculine vulnerability to the stage. I recently went to see him play Henry Higgins in My Fair Lady, and I have never felt more attracted to him. He’s a very layered man, with a bit of mystery, but he’s also very playful. I love it!

what makes you feel like your man isn’t taking the masculine man role in your relationship?

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 7:20am
578: Femininewoman says:

CoCoKisses I believe Mel could be an example to you if you could read her history in previous comments. I believe it is less than a year for her.

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 7:22am
579: Femininewoman says:

RE 574 – Wow Iamabutterfly I read those comments and felt queasy in my stomach because the description you said was masculine – layered, mystery, playful – for some reason feels feminine to me. I am now wondering if I judge men who display these characters as feminine and as such reject them unconsciously hhhmmm.

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 7:27am
580: May Fly says:

Hi Butterfly,

“what makes you feel like your man isn’t taking the masculine man role in your relationship?”

I guess its because he doesn’t offer to take me on dates, or try to make me feel special. I used to play that (masculine) role before I discovered Rori, and I think I spoiled him and put him into the feminine role in our dynamic.

I feel angry to him and quite closed off, so I have little desire to give him the pleasure of me flirting with him.

I wonder if my anger stems from feeling like I was always the giver?

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 7:29am
581: Iamabutterfly says:

@556 T-Girl – I agree with Feminine Woman. I wouldn’t get him a present. What if what you got him outshined whatever he got for you or had planned for you? it may not feel good to him…

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 7:31am
582: siren song says:

Hey sirens!

So, after a terrible-feeling day of crying at work (door closed) about guy who is angry with me and then being stood up last night, i woke up feeling really anxious. I stayed in bed late and sort of just hugged myself. It felt good.

I walked to work and on the way i really started to feel all the feelings in my body. I could feel them releasing. It was crazy.

Then i felt my tummy fill up with this light feminine energy and the sunlight looked brighter.

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 7:31am
583: May Fly says:

That feels sweet, Siren Song.

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 7:34am
584: Iamabutterfly says:

@576 Feminine Woman – Hmm…I feel curious about this. I love mysterious men! I sometimes get bored when I feel like I can figure them out too easily. But is mystery a purely feminine quality? I want to say no.

I love the strong silent types. You know, the kind that rarely speak but when they do it blows you away?

The strong silent types are mysterious to me…

hmm, what else?

Playful. Guys who play sports are definitely playful. I love how agressive they are, and how physical they are, often tickling and teasing. Mmm…feels so good and makes me feel like such a girl!

Layered – Guys who have a lot of dimensions to them. a lot of interests. Jack CD is really into history, but he also would love to try his hand at being a pilot.

None of these things are necessarily feminine…

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 7:37am
585: Femininewoman says:

May Fly flirting is one of the things many wives stop doing but men need to feel really masculine. Regardless of who he said it to or if Rori mixed up his comments flirting is a very healthy skill to develop and practice in relationships with men to keep passion and interest alive. It encourages the chase and mystery. Someone said that the brain is the largest sex organ and flirting can really tickle a man’s imagination. You know how visual they are. Try flirting with someone you are not invested in or a man online and you will see.

I also like your man’s response because it gives clues to his inner world with you directly prodding.

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 7:38am
586: Iamabutterfly says:

@577 May Fly – I know how frustrating it can feel when a man doesn’t offer to take you on dates. Jack CD hasn’t taken me on hardly any dates (though the ones we’ve been on have been super special because of that!), but he will drive me anywhere, do ANYTHING for me, and listen to me talk about my problems endlessly. Dating is expensive too, unless you get creative. Maybe you could say something like…

“oh, it would feel so good if we could go out on more dates. a picnic in the park would feel good or just anything where we got out of the house and spent one-on-one time would feel sooo good!”

or something like that…

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 7:42am
587: Iamabutterfly says:

@582 Feminine Woman – i feel so curious. I really want to learn how to flirt with the guys I care about the most…

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 7:47am
588: Coco Kisses says:

I need advice…should i offer up any reason to my husband as to why i am cutting off communication with him? I basicly set up my phone to send all his calls directly to voicemail, and if he does a surprise drive by, i dont plan on opening or anwxering the door…any feelings on this. I feel good about it, because i feel powerful by cutting off communication cold turkey

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 7:48am
589: Femininewoman says:

RE 578 – Iamabutterfly/T-Girl: I did not say I would not get him a present. As a matter of fact my thinking was to use the questions to direct my action. I believe the relationship can be celebrated, maybe setting up some kind of milestone thing or new commitment for expansion in the future. For me giving a present conjured up a feeling of obligation and unworthiness inside of me with my NVs saying “thank you for doing me a favor”.

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 7:49am
590: Femininewoman says:

Iamabutterfly use what is in front of you. Smile, 5 second look, flip your hair, use the back of your fingers to stroke your chin while closing your eyes and enjoying the sensation, sometimes slowly massage your leg or hand while on dates. These usually get good responses from guys for me. Also complement their gadgets (watches, phones), shoes, ties. These show appreciation of their tastes and essentially the person though some may say this is giving too much to a guy you have just met, I do it to practice, especially when I don’t care or have no high stakes investment in them.

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 7:55am
591: Iamabutterfly says:

I feel such judgments about flirting. I feel unworthy to flirt. I feel so insecure, seeing other women flirt, to whom it just seems to come naturally.

I feel like other women have stolen men from me through their “better” flirting skills.

I often feel guilty when I flirt with men.

Why do I feel that way?

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 7:55am
592: Iamabutterfly says:

@587 Thanks, FW! Great tips. Feels good and no pressure to experiment with…

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 7:56am
593: Iamabutterfly says:

I want to heal this. Okay, thinking back to my observations of women flirting. I judge them. I think it makes them look weak, pathedic, and desperate. I feel like so many girls do it with guys who are not into them, and it makes me feel so icky that they are even bothering with it…

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 7:58am
594: Iamabutterfly says:

maybe not flirting makes me feel more powerful? Especially with guys like SeenmecryCD, who has girls throwing themselves at him constantly, he seems intrigued by me because I don’t aggressively flirt with him LIKE ALL THE OTHER GIRLS DO.

almost a hard to get kind of thing?

I like being hard to get.

but admittedly, a lot of it has to do with my fear of intimacy.

I feel a little sad, also hopeful and curious…

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 8:01am
595: Iamabutterfly says:

I like it when guys aggressively flirt with ME, and I don’t have to do anything but enjoy it and giggle!

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 8:01am
596: Femininewoman says:

CoCo I would do the phone/voicemail thing if that is what you feel good about. However, the surprise drive by would be cutting off possible attraction energy being sent in your direction. What came to mind was to respond the first time around but let him know it is devastatingly painful to handle the loss and you want to grieve and let it go. You are just a girl and you feel this very deeply like an organ being removed without anesthetia and each time you see him it feels like life blood that was draining out of you slowly is being sucked out rapidly with an exhaust. And each time he leaves you feel the pain raw and build up a stronger fortress to protect your heart and you don’t want to feel that way. That is not the experience you want. This if this is how you feel. If however, you want your marriage back then you know what you have to choose.

A drive by could get use to get descriptive with a prepared script. Plus you don’t know where he would be emotionally to choose to do a drive by but at least you would get the opportunity to tear down your walls.

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 8:06am
597: Femininewoman says:

Iamabutterfly maybe they are “pursuing”, being competitive with each other. I believe flirting to be an invitation. A way of showing a man that his pursuits would not be rejected – another I believe is to laugh at his jokes.

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 8:16am
598: Femininewoman says:

How to Respond to Rejection Flawlessly

When you feel injured, and you feel that pain in a man rejecting you or a boss letting you go, you feel intensely angry. You want to curse, and lash out (and maybe you do curse, and maybe you do shout down the man or the boss who hurts you in this way as you are being shown the door.)

But there is another way.

What’s so toxic for women about rejection is not just the injury to the self-esteem alone or the shame that goes with the diminished femininity of it, but BOTH together. The shame literally impairs your ability to even use the very real skill you have. It’s the power of belonging to a supportive group, and being able to name, identify, and use emotions to your betterment that a good mother teaches a daughter.

It goes offline – this ability to name and metabolize emotion into the right places, to be together with and supported by present others, and efficacious in the world. This injury stuns you like the room turning dark and you can’t find the light switch, or like a noise so loud you suddenly can’t hear. The shame, the injury to femininity itself cuts you off from contacts with other women that are so healing. You are just stunned.

You just need to know you are safe, physically, and you can’t yet reach other women in that moment possibly because you can’t yet be sure they will have the fortitude to support you and not turn away (causing further rejection.)

Combine the stun to the senses, the paralysis of shame with the anger you feel at having been hurt by your rejection, and as the early psychoanalysts once said, “The anger turns inward, which is depression.

http://www.womenshappiness.com/articles/flawless-response-to-rejection?utm_source=getresponse&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=womenshappiness&utm_content=A+Flawless+Comeback+When+Rejected…

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 8:25am
599: LoveAlways says:

Good Morning Sirens:

Taking a quick break to spam the blog

I’ve realized that CDing keeps me from my usual over attachment to a guy. I’m the type of woman who thrives on attention. I catch myself getting attached to men so easily (not just with intimacy). I think sometimes guys do this on purpose, but I always open up and let them in. So there is something that needs to heal, and I would guess it’s holding my personal boundaries on my “me time.” Saturate myself with myself and let him fit in otherwise.

I’m officially back on my on-line dating and my profiles are up. Haven’t gotten around to Targeting Mr. Right yet because I’m back on Modern Siren, but my head is in the write place. I made notes about the profiles I was checking out on line.

Change does not happen without courage.

Namaste

LoveAlways

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 8:29am
600: LoveAlways says:

Great Post FW!

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 8:32am
601: Femininewoman says:

CoCo that article seems to affirm your choice.

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 8:32am
602: Radlove says:

Iama,

555 – I think “Play of Love” is poetic, romantic, and beautiful!

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 8:34am
603: Radlove says:

Iama,

RE: #550 = “My new goal is to be more playful.

Ewww, goal sounds so grown-up!!!

I can’t believe I just “set a goal” to be more playful!!!

Clearly, I need to chill…”

LOL! You are in rare form today! That made me laugh! I talk just like that to myself too!

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 8:38am
604: Radlove says:

FW,

595 – Rejection

I think rejection is one of the most powerful negative forces there is. I struggle with it immensely, but one way I deal with it is to try to reason that God is loving the other person thru me, and I am just a channel of that love.

So when my love is pushed away, it is not me who is being rejected, but God living in me. I also try to see it that if someone rejects me, that it is a weak place in THEM that needs compassion. Ooh, that is a tuff one.

I have so much growth still needed, but my intention is to get to the point where I am living for the purpose of giving others radical love (thus my name), and I am so filled with love that I don’t seek that all the time.

But for right now, I am feeling really, really needy, and rejection hurts.

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 8:47am
605: Radlove says:

Iama,

RE: 591 – The way I try to flirt is by holding myself to eye gazing and smiling and dressing nicely ONLY until a man speaks to me. After he initiates, then I try to respond only to what he says, making it fun, light, and flirty.

For example, last night when R was still being nice to me, I commented after he was discussing getting healed from schizophrenia, “You will feel so much better.”

He said, “Yeah, undies!”

I said, “LOL, right now I’m wearing black stretchy ones.” (we were texting)

He said, “Cool”

So i ventured a little further to say, “My pajamas are navy blue with sheer edging on the neck and sleeves.”

And he was receptive and cool with it all.

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 8:53am
606: lk says:

i feel really sad, like i get rejected a lot. not so much by men. i would never Allow a man to Reject me – i wouldn’t put them in that position usually… but a lot by women. i am not a good “girl flirt” & i feel…. Laughed At a lot or…. Eye Roll kind of …. : ( & that can sometimes feel deeper than maybe it is, & then i get “no one loves me, no one even likes me, everyone wants to see me kicked in the dirt with no food & maybe that is what i deserve” poor humans… we have so much sad-ness in us… but also the love-ly Other Side too : ))) awww i feel happy again & i can choose that. though it is really shocking to me how much i have to Practice…. like… i have to Practice to Practice Remembering to Practice Practicing, you know ?

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 8:58am
607: Femininewoman says:

Sometimes I unconsciously tilt my head to the right and gaze at a man if I find something about him attractive. I also have no problem speaking first if I am just attracted and he is not a romantic interest. Then I know my vibe would not come across as hitting on him.

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 9:00am
608: Femininewoman says:

I have a girlfriend who flirts shamlessly with all men – young or old. I learn a lot from her and they just eat it up. Most of the times she ha no romantic interest in them and she always brings her comments to herself. She will even flirt with women as if they turn her on. It is a riot to experience her.

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 9:04am
609: Iamabutterfly says:

@596 Feminine Woman – “It’s the power of belonging to a supportive group, and being able to name, identify, and use emotions to your betterment that a good mother teaches a daughter.”

I feel so sad reading that, because my mother NEVER taught me that. She could barely handle her own, and I feel like she was always trying to control me, always trying to make me “less than.” Not from a malicious place, but from an insecure place, a wounded place on her part.

I feel sooooo sad.

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 9:04am
610: Rori Raye says:

Ravenquile, welcome, and thank you for the way you’ve put this…very interesting point of view…Love, Rori

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 9:05am
611: Starla says:

I feel like I’m teetering on the edge of a black hole depression but probably it’s just hormones that always make me feel this way. My period is supposed to come this weekend. I can’t believe it’s already been about 4 weeks since CF sent me that later. I feel like time is standing still. It’s so freaking annoying.

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 9:07am
612: Starla says:

I’m still sitting here feeling all upset and hoping he’ll come to his senses and come back, when after a month, he is probably moved on and happier than ever.
grrrrrrrrr.
I do hope he’s happy, though.

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 9:09am
613: Silver Moonbeam says:

Has anybody heard of Laura Doyle author of The Surrendered Wife?

Apparently she has a whole movement going on and has written a book called The Surrendered Single:

The Surrendered Single is a book to help single women attract a good man according to the principles of Surrendering. Doyle advocates the surrender of inappropriate control of another. A surrendered single is a woman who chooses to apply the principles of surrendering to her life so as to serenely attract a good man rather than desperately seek a mate.

Doyle says that the basic principles of a Surrendered Single are that she:

Acknowledges her desire to attract and marry a man who’s right for her;

Lets go of the idea of a perfect man;

Receives compliments, gifts, help, and dates graciously whenever possible;

Takes responsibility for and focuses on her own happiness and fulfillment;

Relinquishes control of the pace of the courtship;

Strives to be vulnerable;

Honors her desire to be married by ending dead-end relationships;

Checks for safety before she risks herself physically or emotionally.

http://www.surrenderedwife.com/

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 9:13am
614: Silver Moonbeam says:

Starla, surely it’s not a month already??????

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 9:15am
615: lk says:

femininewoman, i’ve noticed even “Conservative” men can enjoy that type of Universal Flirt & enjoy the radiant warm energy, without “reading” it as Sexual or Inviting

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 9:17am
616: Iamabutterfly says:

@608 Feminine Woman – I seriously have NO PROBLEM flirting with guys with whom I know nothing is going to happen, for whatever reason.

and I flirt with girls too! I winked at a friend of mine from across the room and she got so flustered, it was so funny. I do it because it’s a way to share a connection. A lot of times women feel neglected by men (I know I do) and so when a woman appreciates another woman’s beauty, it can feel empowering and safe to flirt with a woman or appreciate her beauty or overall vibe.

I just need to work on flirting with available men, with whom relationship is possible. That feels so unnatural to me for some reason…

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 9:25am
617: Femininewoman says:

Featured Topic: Why Guys Are Crazy About Holly

I know a woman named Holly. She specializes in helping website owners understand what appeals to women. That may not sound very exciting, and for most individuals – it isn’t. However, Holly is passionate about it. In fact, when I get her newsletter, I find myself getting excited just from reading it. She really does love what she does. It shows in the way she talks, and in the content of every article she writes.

Now, here’s what’s surprising to a lot of women – men are drawn to that kind of passion about anything. Whether it’s your job or a favorite hobby, a man can feel the difference when they are in the presence of a woman who participates in something she loves on a regular basis. It really is hypnotic because it takes pressure off a man from making him feel that he is responsible for your happiness.

What about you? What do you do that you love? What hobbies do you participate in regularly? Are there books you read that make your soul come alive or things you do that stir up your emotions? From a man’s perspective, the difference between you being simply a woman he wants to date and becoming the woman he’ll do anything to marry is often this: Your passion about what you do and who you are brings something special to the relationship.

A man doesn’t want you simply to have the same interest as he does…that’s kinda boring. In fact, your uniqueness is one of your best assets – don’t hide it.

Bob Grant

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 9:33am
618: Femininewoman says:

Iamabutterfly maybe the key is in the choice to forgetting their “availability status” and in flirting as part of organic, passionate living with no specific target group in mind.

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 9:35am
619: Dominique says:

Goodheart – #497 You want the tincture, i.e. liquid. Put the recommended amount of drops in a bit of water and drink it down. Empty belly is usually best for most herbs.

Other sources of probiotics, kefir, coconut kefir, as well as cocobiotic and inneregybiotic available through bodyecology.com.

Also good is powdered megadophillus from Natren also available dairy free.

xxoo

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 9:36am
620: Femininewoman says:

Maybe even in flirting with oneself as self love

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 9:36am
621: Iamabutterfly says:

“LORELAI: Rory, two days ago you were on the bathroom floor crying about why he won’t call you. Why doesn’t he like you, what did you do?

RORY: I was drunk. I was sick!

LORELAI: You, my beautiful, brainy, fabulous daughter, were lying on the floor of the bathroom, wondering what you had done wrong! Which is disturbing to me on several levels, including the fact that I can’t remember the last time I cleaned the floor of the bathroom! Is that really the kind of relationship you want to be in?”

I love this…

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 9:41am
622: Iamabutterfly says:

@618 Feminine Woman – Wow, I love that! Feels good to think about, feels good to live like that…thank you!

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 9:42am
623: Turquoise says:

Yes, LK explained it right Memulo. I said I’d pay for the treats at the movie (while ordering) and he said ok, but then he stopped bringing up what he paid for the concert tickets, do Ian not sure how that made him feel.

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 9:48am
624: Iamabutterfly says:

I don’t want to be called “a flirt.” I generally feel negativity towards people that I would call “flirts.” To me, so much of flirting isn’t serious. It’s teasing. It’s testing the waters. I feel icky seeing men or women who “flirt” with everyone. Because it’s like “well, who do you really care about?” I feel icky about flirting because I feel like I’ve been misled by flirting. I feel like I can be misleading in my flirting.

I feel like flirting leads to more in so many instances where it shouldn’t lead to more. Like with a married person and an unmarried person. That feels so icky to me. I wouldn’t want my husband “flirting” with another woman. I don’t want to flirt with other men once I’m married. But I don’t even know if I would know how to keep flirting with my husband throughout our marriage.

This feels so triggering to me.

I want to heal this…

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 9:53am
625: Turquoise says:

Starla, C is the first thing I think of every dang morning and I can’t stand it. I feel so frustrated that I am cding, totally busy and living my life, and my subconscious is still focusing on him. Wtf.

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 9:54am
626: Starla says:

I miss feeling flirty. I was a super flirt, and it felt fun and light and alive. Now I just feel desperate=/.

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 9:55am
627: Iamabutterfly says:

There’s playful flirting, like teasing back and forth, or even acknowledging mutual attraction. Then there’s “I’m interested in YOU and ONLY YOU right now” type flirting.

But I feel like there’s such a thin line between the two…

So often, when someone has called me out on MY flirting with a guy, my initial response is…”oh crap, I was flirting with him?”

The definition of flirting is “to court triflingly or act amorously without serious intentions; play at love; coquet.”

I don’t want my man “acting amourously” with any other woman but me.

and I don’t want a guy I’m geniunely interested in to think that my intentions aren’t serious.

this feels very confusing to me…

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 9:57am
628: Starla says:

Turquoise, at least you have kids with the guy and were with him for years! I am just lame with no excuses:P

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 10:01am
629: Femininewoman says:

I believe to heal we also have to step out of our comfort zone and take risks doing things we normally don’t do.

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 10:02am
630: Femininewoman says:

RE 628 I feel bad watching Starla beat up on herself

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 10:06am
631: Starla says:

fw, probably i feel self conscious about being obsessed and like you all think i am craaaazyyy.

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 10:10am
632: Femininewoman says:

Starla I feel a bit angry to know you are assuming what I am thinking.

If you need to know I will tell you that I see you as a strong woman going through a process a lot better than I did at your age. I don’t know that you can go through it any other way so who am I to judge you. I absolutely love reading your comments and I see you as close to the end of your dark tunnel. You are human – a female with strong emotions. Beautifully and wonderfully made. I see you as someone needing attention. Just like myself. You are breaking to power your demons have over you by putting things out there. Sometimes I wish you would even share more. Like vomiting up the root of what is holding you stuck.

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 10:16am
633: Starla says:

I’m confused fw, cuz I didn’t say what you’re thinking.

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 10:20am
634: Iamabutterfly says:

@632 Feminine Woman – Wow, that read like poetry to me. “Like vomiting up the root of what is holding you stuck.”

(((((((((Feminine Woman)))))))))))))

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 10:23am
635: Iamabutterfly says:

a power nap would feel so good, but I can’t, and that makes me feel mad.

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 10:23am
636: Starla says:

aw fw 632, thank you, i feel seen.

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 10:25am
637: Iamabutterfly says:

what does everyone think of my comment in 627?

I feel guilty for spamming so much…

gonna take a break…

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 10:26am
638: R.N.AmazingMe says:

Hello all my beautiful sirens on siren island!! I have been here just ease dropping on all your great experiences that help me along my way!! You know I cannot stay quiet I wanted to let you all know I am well and am glad too see the strength in all you sirens!!I love it! Well Brenda my Ryan said something so mean I walked away for good. I will not be talked to or disrespected like that. He said , You cannot take care of3 kids let alone 4. No lol or just messing he says tell me it’s not true? I am disgusted he is not the man he once was and the man I once loved that man is gone for good so I am done.

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 10:27am
639: Iamabutterfly says:

@638 R.N.AmazingMe – that feels sooooo icky to me! like taking care of kids is soley your responsibility. Childcare should be something that is shared! I feel triggered…ugggg

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 10:29am
640: GingerSky says:

Hey, everyone. Apologies for my disappearance… I took a job hand-embroidering a wedding dress on an extremely tight deadline. Cant do much else but focus on that right now. Love to all Sirens!

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 10:34am
641: R.N.AmazingMe says:

@639 Yes well I am a single mother with three and dad or I call donor is not in picture at all. Deadbeat, Abusive, so I do know what I am up against but they are my life and I adore all three they make me push harder for all of us:) So with him knowing my situation from day one, like since three years ago. It was a real low blow and just cruel I would never of thought the man I loved three years ago would speak like that. I am too in love with myself to accept that behavior

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 10:41am
642: Daria says:

Im 29 with no children.

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 10:45am
643: May Fly says:

Butterfly,

I feel a lot the same way as you.
Flirting never feels ‘innocent’ to me.

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 10:51am
644: Starla says:

I wish CF would call or write and say he is very sorry and realizes he made a big mistake:(

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 10:54am
645: Starla says:

he is long, long gone. it’s been a month. long gone.

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 10:56am
646: R.N.AmazingMe says:

I laugh at ignorant and judgemental people that thinks they are untouchable. One thing I have learned that a cruel person or any type person rather only has as much power over you, your life or how they act and how you let it affect you. I learned the hard way and am so greatful to have at least been able to learn such a gift. I do not care about someones judgement of me it’s how I feel about me. Nothing else matters!

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 10:57am
647: siren song says:

(((starla)))

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 11:00am
648: Femininewoman says:

Starla says “like you all think i am craaaazyyy.” in 631 above. This is what I am referring to.

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 11:08am
649: Starla says:

maybe i will feel better when my period comes and ends.

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 11:09am
650: Ravenquile says:

There really is no such Dynamic as masculine and feminine energy. An attraction either is or isn’t, in various degrees; you really can’t create one if one does not exist. That has nothing at all to do with a relationship, however. Mutual getting and giving, pleasing and being pleased, by each other’s company, laughter, whatever. MUTUAL. When something is going all one way, or lopsided, something is wrong. ( Now, we know that you have to push to try to nudge a man off his feet).

I think women get tripped up with all this false teaching; I have seen lopsided power approaches; but sometimes it is the man, sometimes it is the woman. This matters when there is NOT an even, mutual, attraction or a mutual kindred click kind of thing going on; it NEVER happens in a mutual/matched relational combo.

When it is not mutual/matched, natural, smooth, open flow is not going down; this is where you have to know how to create communication, rapport, relational styles to match the person at hand ( different strokes for different folks kind of thing is what you do ).

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 11:12am
651: Starla says:

that was part of “feel self conscious,” fw. thank you for your nice words to me. i do feel like i’m a freak and everyone is just sick of me, but I have only 1 or 2 friends who are really like that toward me, so maybe I could stop using that exception to paint my reality.

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 11:12am
652: Femininewoman says:

RE 627 – It felt very heavy and over thinking. I felt a bit drained and turned off reading that about flirting. Like sucking the fun out of life. The “I don’t wants” had me thinking about a drill sergant controlling his troops.

So I had chosen not to share how I felt.

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 11:15am
653: Radlove says:

{{{Starla}}},

I totally relate, and you are not crazy at all. You are in love. Huge difference. I think it was Deepak Chopra or one of those dudes who said, “The pain you now feel is a reflection of the depth of your love.’

Of course, you know what I would do, right?

Eh-eh!

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 11:16am
654: Femininewoman says:

aaaawwwww Starla I feel like hugging you now. Maybe you should also write some of those NV beliefs you have about yourself so we can work on changing them together.

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 11:18am
655: Starla says:

No, RadLove, what would you do?

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 11:18am
656: Radlove says:

Starla,

Keep it coming, girl…the blog is your playground…or burial ground, as the case may be. I hope you don’t think twice about pouring out your heart here.

We all know we need each other, whether or not we admit it. This blog is my clarity and peace of mind many times.

I feel sad you are hurting.

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 11:19am
657: Iamabutterfly says:

@652 FW – I feel confused and I don’t understand. Sorry…

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 11:20am
658: Radlove says:

{{{Starla}}},

655 – Well, um, I’ve earned the rep here of being the Queen of Overfunctioning, have I not? It is a proud reputation I bear!

Because i love bears!

And when i miss a particular bear, I reach out to him!

So…if it were me, I would text out a friendly, “Hey, how are you?”

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 11:21am
659: Starla says:

I feel like if I just wait, and then call him, then we can be back “on.”

I feel like if I wait too long, he’ll slip away.

I feel like if I don’t wait long enough, I won’t know what I really want.

I can’t believe it’s been a month.

And I’m going to be okay.

And I’m going to get myself a smoothie since I need calories in my sad tummy.

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 11:22am
660: Femininewoman says:

RE 650 Raveniquile thanks for sharing your perspective. However, I feel headachy reading it like I am struggling to reach something hanging over my head. feel a head hanging regretful head shaking inside. It would feel great to connect.

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 11:23am
661: Starla says:

RadLove, thank you for the welcoming words. It feels nice.

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 11:24am
662: Ravenquile says:

feminine woman,

What on earth are you talking about? When I want something, or someONE, I go for it/him! You ladies are going to spend your lives single!

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 11:27am
663: Radlove says:

Starla,

YW, I know your pain. i’ve felt it much of the past three years.

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 11:29am
664: Radlove says:

Ravenquile,

Eww, that feels bad to hear. We like to speak gently to each other and ourselves here.

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 11:31am
665: Iamabutterfly says:

Ravenquile, how’s that working for you? have you been happily married for several years with the man you up and grabbed?

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 11:38am
666: Femininewoman says:

Starla please don’t reach out to him. I posted a link from Dr. Paul above. I encourage you to read it. I say maintain your dignity. He has already ignored your reaching out.

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 11:38am
667: Femininewoman says:

Ravenquile you are funny you have me laughing here. I wonder how old you are. I am also wondering how you know I am single?

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 11:41am
668: Radlove says:

FW,

Altho I’m not a shining example, I feel a little odd around the word “dignity.” I myself would rather approach it with humility. For me, dignity is too close to pride. i think a lot of potentially good relationships fall by the wayside because people put up a wall of pride.

I definitely initiate too much with R. But if it had been a month, I would not feel like i was lowering my dignity to reach out with a hey how are you. To me it is common human caring, like I might do for another cherished friend who has chosen another path. I welcome anyone’s feedback.

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 11:42am
669: Daria says:

i have ‘issues’ with flirting too

i feel afraid ! that other women will think im flirting with their guys when their guys are interested in making convo w me and im receving and or smiling at them

and also im really good at making jokes and interesting comments and just being awesome in general

im very much babystepping here

i would fele devastated if my man was flirting with a woman – IF i already felt uncomfortable insecure with him

i feel totally ok if i feel loved and honored by him

i watn to heal all my confusion around this

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 11:44am
670: Femininewoman says:

I have a lot of male friends who would say to Starla “maintain your dignity”.

I have a least one male friend who said because he loved so much when it did not work out he just walked and did not look back. There is a reason why men respect women who honor themselves.

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 11:46am
671: Iamabutterfly says:

@669 Daria – thanks so much for sharing this, Daria. I feel heard and understood. ((((Daria))))

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 11:46am
672: Daria says:

Radlove – i think judgement of “pride” and “dignity” and an upholding of “humility” comes from

Unworthiness

unworthiness says don’t be proud, don’t have dignity, be humble be with humility

don’t love yourself, love others

it felt so freeing for me when i shifted that for myself

God wants me to be big! to feel proud and dignified…

not humble! at least not in its present meaning…

maybe – “not-judging” would be a healthy definition of humble… and im on board with that

i would feel excited to see myself shift some more on these beliefs and embrace pride and dignity even more… my babysteps have gone a long way towards healing my self esteem

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 11:48am
673: Ravenquile says:

feminine woman,

I dont’ see anything funny here. i’m 58, not that it’s your business. i would assume any website called ‘have the relationship you want’ is about singles.

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 11:54am
674: Daria says:

Radlove – reaching out to a ‘friend’ is very different from a romantic relationship.

a friendship is not a dance of masculine feminine energies

its more like a mixed energy , no touchy dance (still babystepping on a vision of this)

in a romantic dance, it’s a bit different… and reaching out by the feminine partner doesn’t work to keep the dance going

the difference is quite clear cut :

when dancing tango, one partner leads the other follows

if leading partner leaves, it doesnt work for the following partner to chase them and force them to dance

on the toher hand, two ppl doing zumba next to each other don’t have quite the same connection – the zumba one person could leave, the other person could continue zumba alone!

they can even go zumba in front of the other person, chase them down do their zumba right by them while the toher person is not dancing!

but this dance is not as close and connected, not the dynamics of One lead, One surrender, that the tango dance has

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 11:55am
675: Goodheart says:

Dominique, thank you so much This is very helpful.

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 11:56am
676: lk says:

what the ??

cd just sent me an email…

“okay if you got these then i can send more if you like. please send me some pictures to look at too.thanks. ”

what is he talking about ? please send me some pictures ??? ummmmmmmmmmm
a) i am at work (? lol)
b) you LIVE WITH ME. can we not do this another time ? like….. when i’m IN THE ROOM ? LOL

OHHHHH lol

“haha. oops wrong person. i love you dear. x0x0.”

LOL i feel so glad that one of those pictures is of me, in a dress, in front of our house…. otherwise, my NVs would be FREAKING OUT. lol i love reminders to Stay Sane…… jeeeeeez

speaking of reminders to stay sane…… i need them ! i feel like a luna-tic these days

i did have a couple “ah-ha” moments last night about how good it feels to Lean Back & Receive in my relationship…. & how it really is a Practice : ) i intend to keep Practicing !

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 11:57am
677: Radlove says:

Daria,

672 – Thanks, I’ll chew on that. For me, when I think of humility, I think of being able to be self aware enough to realize i am not perfect and therefore I am willing to say i am sorry when I am wrong. Or on the reverse, being able to reach out and extend a hand, even when I have felt pain thru another person.

Do you think it is losing your dignity to lean forward with an ex after a month?

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 11:59am
678: lk says:

omg i just said “i’m sorry” about something at work & this guy just melted into the Perfect Male Co-Worker… so powerful. i love taking responsibility for my “Mistakes” & i have instant forgiveness for all sins, mine or otherwise.

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 12:01pm
679: Radlove says:

Daria,

Re: #674 – Thank you! Beautiful description!!!!!

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 12:03pm
680: lk says:

oh, radlove ! that is what i was just thinking about : ))

& also i could “bear-ly” stand how cute your word play was in that earlier post…. : ))

it does help my self-love to see that i am not “perfect” or…. that i am not… “without sin”…. but I AM STILL PERFECTLY LOVE-ABLE & DESERVING OF LOVE & GUILT-LESS-NESS : )))))) YES that is true ! i am i am i am

i love myself radically & unconditionally. i love all souls radically & unconditionally : )

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 12:04pm
681: Ella says:

I want to be a good girl flirt!

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 12:05pm
682: lk says:

daria, i love 274 too : ))))))

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 12:05pm
683: lk says:

(((((((ELLA)))))))

hey, lady ; )

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 12:05pm
684: Daria says:

Ravenquile – hmm it feels a lil scary to address this … i dont want to get into arguing just ‘talk’…

i personally do notice a certain feminine – masculine energy in the natural living world…

For one, women have biologically receptive vaginas, and men have biologically pushing forward penetrating penises.

Watching the behavior of any number of animal species, there’s a dyanmic of feminine-male interaction… courtship dances…

the yin yang polarity is a concept – its only true… if its USEFUL and helpful. Just a model to understand the world.

It really has helped my self esteem and attraction power to notice and manipulate these energies in my interactions.

One reason is that I have noticed that men like to “feel like a man” with a woman, usually they don’t seem to intend to “feel like a woman” in a relationship. And the opposite with women. A relationship is a way to fulfill that self identity wish, stepping into our power as differentiated sexes.

We can im sure ignore our biological sexes , maybe close our vaginas and cut off our penises. Or have both for each. Or pretend we do, using tools and techniques.

For me, it feels fun in this lifetime to explore acutally getting INTO the differentiation of the sex that I was born with. Getting into the feminine and what that’s like and the actual Difference from being a male and being masculine. It just feels fun and interesting for now and likely for my whole lifetime this time.

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 12:06pm
685: Femininewoman says:

Daria there are times I feel comfortable with a man I am with flirting with other women. I believe flirting and taking action on it are two totally different things. Also it would show me what a man is about. It could also have solid relationship and commitment with a man who responds to someone flirting with him but then shares how that felt with me. Maybe I feel invincible?

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 12:07pm
686: Radlove says:

Daria and Iama,

669 – Here’s how I do flirting…if my motive is to take a man from his woman, or if I want to increase my self esteem by looking more attractive to him than his woman, I check myself and stop.

On the other hand if I am just enjoying myself and being playful and fun loving, I don’t care if he has a wedding ring on or not. I am just being myself, and that is when I am at my best. And I don’t let anyone squelch the joyful lil girl when she decides to come out and play!!!

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 12:10pm
687: Daria says:

Radlove – i also think ‘pride’ ‘dignity’ and ‘humility’ are just concepts, not necessarily useful… unelss they are… to getting more clear on what i want and dont wnat and on how i feel

so do i think itd losing your dignity to lean forward to an ex after a month?

i think it doesnt matter much! it depends on how you feel

i Do think its disrespectful of the masculine – and will feel humiliating – to not respect a man’s decision to no longer seek me out and court me

.

Remember those times without telephone, when the man dropped by to court a woman?

what would leaning forward look like there… the woman showing up uninvited to his place several times?

it does feel sad and kinda humiliating and disappointing

i wouldnt want a woman to feel like that!

women are in their glory – nd feel glowy – when htey are being taken care of and pursued and honored!

not when htey are throwing themselves after a man (and its in the ENERGY! thats why no matter how cutesy you make a text it will still communicate clearly that you are in the energy of feelng awful and chasing)

CHASING IS CHASING

is it losing your dignity to chase a man? most likely

does it matter? no

does it feel bad? yeah most likely

does it matter that it feels bad? yeah it matters , its the only thing that matters really

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 12:12pm
688: Daria says:

FeminineWoman – yes! i felt surprised to find myself writing in my last post that i would feel ok for my man to be flirting with others if i felt loved and honroed by him!

wow! i feel surprised to notice that about myself

i was thinjing i had more issues than that

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 12:15pm
689: Daria says:

Radlove – i also think you ARE perfect and i AM perfect… that helps me raise my self esteem too!

oh and, perfect people are even better at apologizing

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 12:18pm
690: Radlove says:

Daria,

RE: 687 = “Remember those times without telephone, when the man dropped by to court a woman?

what would leaning forward look like there… the woman showing up uninvited to his place several times?”

SUPERB response – thank you!!! This word picture was especially helpful…i will bring this to mind next time I feel tempted to text R.

I also appreciate the perspective of it is dishonoring to the masculine. You are right. And that feeling bad matters. Excellent, and this helps more than you know! I feel like a huge shift just happened.

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 12:22pm
691: Radlove says:

Daria,

689 – Love it!!! Love it, love it, love it! You are sweet! Thank you!

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 12:23pm
692: lk says:

opening up my feelings instead of clamping down on them…. knowing them as Mine, instead of looking for a way to Pass The Buck o_0……. listening….. slowly… breathing…. loving…. ahhhh….hmmmm…..oh wow i feel…… hmmmmmm

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 12:25pm
693: Starla says:

fw, i can’t find the post by dr paul you’re referring to

and i have yet to lose my dignity:) which is fabulous for me.

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 12:29pm
694: Daria says:

i feel headachy in my right top side
i love the right top of my head

mmmmmm

that feels like breathing

it feels like tight on my tghh on the bed

i love the under of my thigh

hehehhe

that feels like giggles

and i love my giggles

and i feel sad

and i love my sad

adn that feels like more sad

and i love my more sad

im so sorry you’re hurting this way body

i love you

i want to help you heal

i intend to heal body

i feel so sad!

i love you body

its ok to heal

i give myself permission to heal

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 12:32pm
695: Daria says:

Yay Radlove

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 12:34pm
696: Starla says:

I’m not gonna lie, I DO see what ravenquile is saying. She also sounds like a “rockstar” when she says it, at least to me, so in the end it’s not about undermining his masculinity by trying to row the boat, but being a rockstar who does what she likes. I like that perspective and it does resonate with me.

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 12:35pm
697: Daria says:

Yay Lama

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 12:35pm
698: Sassy says:

Well ladies, so much for Day One of the “Lizka lean back”! JT texted me most of the night and said he wants us to get together Thursday. But, the biggest/best part was that I just responded with the “mirror”. Only answered or kept to his subjects. I texted one question to him this morning and that was it. I will see if he comes through with getting together tomorrow. We haven’t seen each other in almost six months as he was working in another town and then had to travel to California to help his mom. While he was there he texted me quite a bit asking my help and opinion about a lot of things going on with his mom. I was stunned, but thrilled that he reached out to me. So I’ll be open, loving and warm tomoro and see what happens.
I will, however, support any of you in a quest for staying leaned back as I may just end up back there again. 2 1/2 years on a roller coaster has taught me well what to expect with this man!

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 12:36pm
699: Femininewoman says:

Starla – A Flawless Response to Rejection
by Dr Paul
http://www.womenshappiness.com/articles/flawless-response-to-rejection?utm_source=getresponse&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=womenshappiness&utm_content=A+Flawless+Comeback+When+Rejected…

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 12:36pm
700: Tiffany says:

@ Memulo – thank you! (#178)

And thank you for all the birthday wishes!!

I wore a tiara all day

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 12:39pm
701: Starla says:

Alaska joined me on my smoothie adventure. It felt nice to get his hugs. I told him I think I’ll never date again, lol. But I feel more and more attracted to him every time i see him.

I still don’t feel like dating anyone right now. He keeps trying to get me to go on a day hike with him and I say no, even though he’s promised to be much more helpful and supportive this time:P.

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 12:40pm
702: Daria says:

Sassy – im feeling confused… it sounds like you did lean back…

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 12:40pm
703: light heart says:

I find that there is quite a lot involved in ‘leaning back’ even in initial chat stages. I tend to want to explain more than is necessary and sometimes I’m not good about keeping that in check. I suspect this has to do with my desire to weed out the absolutely nots relatively quickly. I have to admit, I am having a lot of fun with all my back and forths!

light heart

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 12:45pm
704: Daria says:

OK THE ISSUE WAS NOT SO MUCH MEDDLING IN HER RELATIONSHIP, OR *MY* POOR BOUNDARIES WITH MEN IN RELATIONSHIP…

ITS RATHER THAT THE WOMEN AROUND ME WERE JEALOUS OF ME AND BEAHVED IN WAYS THAT I THOUGHT WERE UNDERMINING ME AND IT FELT BAD

IT WASNT JUST ABOUT THIS THING WITH HER HUSBAND AT ALL!

IM RECALLING OTHER INSTANCES WHERE I FELT UNDERMINED

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 12:55pm
705: Starla says:

I feel goofy and playful.

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 12:58pm
706: Brandylion says:

FW, thank you for the Dr. Paul link. I felt a lot better reading it!

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 1:01pm
707: Daria says:

thank you FeminineWoman i feel empowered to heal some of my friendships and work relationships using this article
heres more from it

“…so by having this instant turnaround forming a physical shield for you, and instantly transforming pain into friendliness directed to OTHERS, not the rejecting party, you have established the right habit that unifies your boundaries, with your self-esteem, and your femininity all in one! Which is to spend your valuable time, energy and friendliness only on those with whom it is beneficial to you both, not just to the other person.

Then as you do this, an odd thing happens. The very man who rejected you starts calling after you, asking if I heard him right, and “Why aren’t you talking to me?” Which is a different facet to this altogether – it shows you the degree of selfishness and “using you” in the other person. If you do this technique and the man walks away content, then he meant what he said, and he too, understands the boundaries – that he has lost you to the same degree you have lost him, and he accepts that the same as you do.

However, there is a built-in instinct in men to chase a challenge in the early phase of courtship. He may very well now pursue YOU, just after having rejected you.

But realize you don’t want him anymore. It’s because of the degree of narcissism involved. That his changing his mind is only a reflection of “wanting to win,” not of truly wanting YOU. After all, he had the chance while you were still together. This part is a further reflection of your feminine instincts, which are also instant reflexes. It means they work, and you can be proud again that they do so quickly after a rejection. Back in the saddle immediately.

More of this is of course available in the Feminine Intelligence in Breaking Up Program – covers it all. But for our purposes here, just learn this one master skill.

Why does it need to be “assertive?”

Again, we turn to the Anger Map from the MindOS Mastery Course. On it, we see the only path out of the anger and depression of the rejection – the hurt it causes. This is the path of ASSERTIVENESS which does this for us.

Assertiveness in that program is defined as “Getting your needs met without hurting others.” When you are rejected, you are lacking in a need being met for friendship, companionship, love, sex, conversation and all those great things that a connection to a man offers.

So to be assertive, you are already starting to champion yourself through getting those needs met. The best start is friendliness toward others. And when you take the exact same amount of rejection pain or hurt and transform it into an equal amount of friendliness toward NEW man, well there you go – you’ve harvested every drop of the negativity, and transformed it into a strength. Not revenge, but real growth and new beginnings with other men.

What is so great and so empowering about this experience is not the frustration or surprise or confusion that it causes the man who rejected you. That was not meant to be. What was life-affirming about it was how so quickly it is that you, and any woman, can immediately recover from rejection and feel better, more skilled than before, happier, more effective with people, strong in the self, all so instantly.

It’s one of the most potent and practical demonstrations of what the science principles at Women’s Happiness offer you when you put them to work in your everyday life.

Try Public, Instinctive Assertiveness the next time you are rejected. You’ll be amazed at how strong you feel – even stronger than when you thought you were secure in a relationship or job that would prove never meant to be.”

http://www.womenshappiness.com/articles/flawless-response-to-rejection?utm_source=getresponse&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=womenshappiness&utm_content=A+Flawless+Comeback+When+Rejected..

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 1:01pm
708: Starla says:

There is still so much I want to turn into ritual and routine in my life, but I haven’t made it happen. I do work out 3x a week now, though. Other than that, I’ve got very little in place in terms of routine. I want cleaning routines and self-care routines. I know that until I really fortify these, I won’t be any good in a relationship. I lose myself too easy without them. I am single now but still feel like I’ve lost myself, because I can’t bring myself to forge the new routines. I love me but sometimes I am so lazy and stubborn and paralyzed.

I want to be single.

I would also like to develop a healthier, less afraid sense of sexuality for myself. Maybe sleep with a guy or two just for sport and to open up physically. Maybe not. Just musing.

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 1:02pm
709: Starla says:

fw, i read the whole article…i liked it. i’ve never read anything by him before i don’t think!

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 1:06pm
710: Iamabutterfly says:

one of my aquaintances just texted me to ask me out. I feel so guilty saying this but I feel disgusting every time he touches me. but I like him as a friend…nice, decent guy.

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 1:06pm
711: Daria says:

Go Daria…

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 1:07pm
712: Iamabutterfly says:

I feel really confused about leaning back. I’m awesome at it, and guys come towards me, but then they want me to “respond more” or “do more.” I miss HighSchool CD. I didn’t have to do a #%^#$%^ thing and he pursued me like crazy…

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 1:09pm
713: Tiffany says:

What a neat article! (699) – I can’t wait to read the whole thing!

Starla – seems to me, it’s good to feel your anger and resentment at CF. (I assume that it’s CF who “dumped” you by email without talking about it.)

I felt the exact same way about VM. I still do, sometimes.

Today, I felt a little annoyed that, supposedly, we are still “friends” or at least on “speaking terms.” And yet, he failed in any way to even acknowledge my birthday. I mean, not like he really HAS to. But he can’t tell me that he didn’t know. He’s on facebook a lot, and tons of people posted on my wall for my bday. It felt so good!!! So, really, I can’t complain that I was missing *one* little birthday wish. I invited him to my birthday celebrations as well, and since he hasn’t responded, I can only assume that he’s not going to be there.

But I feel all of this not as a lack of caring. But rather an aggression. It feels like rage, anger that he hasn’t expressed, which I know he has, but he is denying. At least, so far. I want a way to let it out. I want to release that pressure valve, so I can feel a relaxation in the space between us. But I haven’t hit on the right spot yet.

And meanwhile, I was taking a shower and realized that, hey, maybe I don’t need to impose what *I* think is right about the situation. Maybe I don’t need to make something happen just because I “think” it should happen. Who is to say that I am right? Sure, I have a good instinct, and I probably am right about some things. But do I really need to control the situation, and is that what I am trying to do? What exactly is it that I am trying to get at, and am I trying to take care of him, or am I taking care of me?

Well, I saw him on gchat today, so I just said hi, with a smile. not sure if he would write back, I stepped away from the computer and went and took a shower – I took care of me. : ) Then, came back, and he said hi. But he was “away.”

So that’s about it. I mean, our communication is so mis-matched.

I just feel in my heart the desire that I had for a relationship with him, and the sadness that I feel for not having achieved that, for whatever reason. Whether it was his “fault” or mine, or neither, it doesn’t matter. It simply was. And I believe him when he said he was disappointed, too, because my heart tells me that is true. And part of me wonders – well, if that was what we both wanted, and if we are both disappointed, isn’t there some way around this? Can’t we get around the anger and resentment that we both feel, and get to a place where we are both connecting (again) in our mutual desires, wanting what we want, and seeing that maybe – just maybe – it matches, and working WITH that, not against it??

That’s not a controlling thing, is it?? I feel curious. I feel an inkling of a possibility, and no idea where to start.

I am still dating other guys – obviously. I am doing my best to take care of myself, and keep my heart open. And teaching myself to feel and accept pleasure as a good thing, instead of rejecting it as “wrong.” This is my journey, and it is my “work” to do. Maybe he was just a stepping stone – no, a trampoline ; ) – and there are others. But I’m on the path. I am on the path to being in the right place where I need to be. I am on the path to being and revealing who I really am. And when I get there, none of this will matter in the way it felt in the moment.

The present moment is better than the last, and gets better all the time. The present moment is a blessing. I choose not to live in the past, because the past, quite frankly, does not exist. It is a memory and an interpretation, and it’s a story that I tell about myself. But it is not me, and it’s not what is happening now.

What’s happening now is that I am getting better and better at accepting What Is. I am getting better at feeling and expressing my truth. And in time, with practice (though I don’t know where to start), I may even be able to step forward, be assertive, and ask for what I need, without feel of rejection, abandonment, ridicule and humiliation. Without fear that those I am asking to fill my needs will hurt me instead of help me. I can ask confidently, knowing that I am full, and complete, and whole and perfect, exactly as I am. That having a “need” does not make me flawed, or imperfect, or somehow factory defective (as if people should come like dolls, not needing anything but what you give them…) That in fact, having a need makes me HUMAN, it makes me valuable and worthy. Having a feeling makes me HUMAN, and valuable and worthy. Having a desire makes me Rational, and HUMAN, and my desires are Okay, and Acceptable, and totally Worthy of being fulfilled…

One day, I will have all the confidence to know that these things are true. And I won’t be AFRAID to ask for what I want and need and desire. In fact, it will be so natural, it will be like breathing, and in the end, it won’t matter if my needs and desires are fulfilled or not. I know they WILL be – but if they aren’t, perhaps in that moment, it won’t be the end of the world. It will still be okay.

Maybe I can borrow that until I get there. Maybe I can pretend to know what that’s like. Maybe I can imagine myself as the supremely confident woman I know I can be. And maybe, already knowing it can be true, it is already more true now than I even know…

Maybe I am really GOOD at asking for what I need. Maybe my desires are ALREADY fulfilled. And I already AM whole and complete and perfect. And my “flaws and imperfections” make me that way.

I love me just the Way I AM.

<3 <3 <3 <3 <3

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 1:10pm
714: Goodheart says:

I believe there is room for everyone’s opinion.

What I don’t like is someone coming here & saying that what the ladies here are doing is wrong. It’s perfectly ok to not agree with it & to do your own thing, but to say that the other way is the wrong way feels bad.

I believe every way is the right way. Everyone gets to choose their own path. And change it as many times as they want.

There’s really no point in bashing anyone’s “way” – their way doesn’t affect my “way.”

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 1:16pm
715: Femininewoman says:

Iamabutterfly I had that feeling with a guy who was in love with me when I was younger. I believe it is a symptom of fear of intimacy. When he got married I was totally comfortable with him.

Starla that I like to read. Though I might not agree with everything there might be a tidbit that resonates or that I might be able to apply.

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 1:19pm
716: Femininewoman says:

Correction – Starla that is why I like to read.

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 1:21pm
717: lk says:

i feel very invisible & i felt sad about it… but now i just feel like, ok, so it’s just me. that’s ok. it’s just going to be me in this life, the whole time. so that’s ok : )

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 1:44pm
718: lk says:

i don’t know, actually. actually, i do not want to feel so disconnected. i feel confused & curious about this…

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 1:49pm
719: Coco Kisses says:

@ Feminine Woman..ty 4 the article

At this point i feel better not to interact with my husband at all…what is compeling him to come over, isnt attraction for me, it is his own neediness and missing something familiar, hes not ready to fully let go. I feel at this point I am holding on to something that is not real, and id be willing to bet the house he slready is having sex eith someone else…emotionally i feel tired, hurt, and achy inside…besides giving him a real chance to (like a full month or two) miss me may trigger the spark for him to chase me, or want to work on the marriage. But this last visit he said point blank i dont want to work on the marriage, silence is my solace right now, i feel better doing that.

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 1:54pm
720: lk says:

coco kisses, i feel happy & i hear Strength reading, “silence is my solace”

that feels really good & rooted : ))

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 2:05pm
721: Sassy says:

Daria, I’m sorry you feel confused. We go back and forth with this all the time. I lean forward, he responds and then he ignores me. I hate being ignored, so I lean back and he comes back again. We’ve been doing this dance for so long, I can predict usually exactly what he will say and do. But every so often I get really angry at myself for leaning forward because I do it much more often. So I was at the point where I was being ignored again and wanted to try and hold my lean back status, and back he came…

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 2:23pm
722: Starla says:

ohhh how i wish, how i wish cf would come back to me.

i decided that’s okay

if i ignore my feelings and try to stuff them, i’ll just have to deal with the fallout later, probably when i’m dating other men more seriously.

i can honor my feelings without acting on them. Yay, I <3 my dignity.

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 2:33pm
723: Stargirl says:

So inspiring and really helps put my own life into perspective. I feel much more hopeful

Rori – just wondering if it’s okay to say you feel insecure if that’s the way you feel? Does a siren feel insecure? Is that even a feeling? Or is it just a way to describe a lot of feelings collectively?

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 2:36pm
724: lk says:

Sassy… hi : )

ummmm i feel interested in your Back & Forth that you are describing…. wow, i definitely know how that feels…. you almost get it how you like it…. you get all turned on…get excited like a puppy…… & then you get put outside like a Bad Dog ! lol

i feel curious because you say it is “About” txtng…calling… maybe initiating affection…

i feel curious how it would feel to experiment more with other parts of the relationship where you maybe aren’t as Attuned to the Energy Dance…..

i’m picturing you maybe saying, oh who cares about if he calls me or not or whatever….. i’m going to take a break from “assessing” the Relationship based on those “Figures” or “Statistics”….. & then if instead, you focused on Leaning Back in other ways….. letting him Lead in other ways….

i have noticed recently in my own relationship that i am tempted to Overfunction in very very “innocuous” ways…… it’s very interesting & i notice my Anxiety Levels plummet when i Stop Trying : ))

what do you think?

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 2:38pm
725: lk says:

humbug why am i in moderation now ? feeling bummed & “silenced” lol though i’m sure i’m just not allowed to say “txrned on” or something….

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 2:40pm
726: siren song says:

Oh wow daria, that article about rejection is awesome. I felt a weight lift!

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 2:41pm
727: Starla says:

yay siren song, i’ve been thinking about you and what a gorgeous, talented siren you are, and it’s inspiring me to keep my own dignity and not lower my standards:)

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 2:45pm
728: Starla says:

ah, sh*t, alaska is really swoopin in, in that finessed not-too-pushy way that you can’t resist.

eeeeeeeeep!

i eat this sh*t up, too!

“let’s just say you could simply stand there in a tshirt and jeans enjoying a smoothing and I would smile.”

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 2:48pm
729: lk says:

starla : ))) that is so sweet : ) how love-ly to feel “caught” by such a reliable man : )))))) he has been pursuing you for many moons & he is Proof that you have been living your life as you intend…. by not shutting down to other men….. by attracting High Quality Good Men : ))) wow i love it ! enjoy your water-wheel, Lady : )))))

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 2:56pm
730: Starla says:

lk, your words and encouragement and perspective are always so welcome in my heart, where i take them to:)

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 3:01pm
731: Brandylion says:

One of the guys who contacted me last week on OkC texted today, and we’re going to talk tomorrow. I feel a little excited, at least.

PriestCD is running the Indianapolis half-marathon on Saturday. It is so tempting to wish him luck via text or FB. I think if I did that and then he didn’t reply or wish me luck in 2.5 weeks, I would feel really, really bad. I am trying to let go of the hope that he might reach out to wish me luck so that his lack of contact doesn’t diminish how good it is going to feel to finish this race!

I am trying to pretend he’s dead; you can’t interact with someone who dies ever again. That feels less yucky than the truth, that he voluntarily removed himself from my life and wants nothing more to do with me. :-/

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 3:43pm
732: R.N.AmazingMe says:

So Sirens I am so caught up in my own head. I do not know what the right answer is anymore so I decided just lean back and keep to myself but slowly trying to be more sociable and get out and meet people. I know reality is there are not any perfect people. I do believe there is someone out there that is perfect for you!

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 3:51pm
733: Brandylion says:

I first heard this song in the days following the break-up, and I didn’t pay it much attention at the time. It’s been growing on me in the past few weeks.

Gotye–Somebody That I Used To Know
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8UVNT4wvIGY

The chorus really resonates with me. I’m trying to get to “I guess that I don’t need that, though,” but it’s really hard!

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 3:54pm
734: siren song says:

aw thanks starla. i feel really happy you wrote that.

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 3:59pm
735: Jan says:

Brandylion- I love that song! The week before I got totally blown off I kept hearing that song everywhere I went. Hmmm. I have it on my computer now, and listen to it every time I want to reach out to the man that walked away from me.

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 4:00pm
736: Jan says:

I am having a really hard time today feeling in my heart that there is someone (or someones) out there for me. I am 40…two young children….newly divorced. I think I latched on to my high school sweetheart over much because I am really afraid to be alone. I wasn’t very good at it last time. I tried today to just kneel down and feel my fear of being alone for the rest of my life–and I cried for two hours. How do I work my way around to this confidence? I am so newly divorced and live in a rural area while I finish school so I can support my kids, so it’s not like the dating options are rolling in.

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 4:05pm
737: R.N.AmazingMe says:

Aww Jan yes you will be fine. I am single with 3 and live in a smaller city area and I do not get offers rollin in. I am here for u

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 4:18pm
738: Healing Waterfall says:

hi everybody
thank-you for being here on this blog, it helps me while i am correcting papers to read here and i feel so much support and sisterhood here amongst you all….

well, i made a really important decision and i decided that it does not feel good enough for me to stay fixated on my crush, even though we have great conversations and good times together, he is not making me a priority in his life and that does not feel good when i have free time for a date and he is with his unsatisfactory relationship.
as soon as i told myself that i did not want this anymore, a cd called me on the phone….he wants to see me, but the funny thing is, i don’t remember his name….
and i have another new cd who loves my profile and so I HAVE OPTIONS!
Of course, i had to run into him on the trail again today and when i walked away from him, he knew that i was backing off….his dog followed me and he had to chase the dog to me….he said the dog doesn’t do that, that his dog must really like me….i thought, yea, he’s trying to show you something….

so i feel sad and strong all at the same time.
kind of like the post FW posted twice about getting right back in the saddle, although he has not rejected me, quite the contrary, but i am not settling.

i have made a committment to myself to love and crush does not love me or is not acting like he does.
So i love myself more than him.

Hooray for me.

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 4:22pm
739: siren song says:

Ok y’all,

Today is the end of day 1 of my renewed leaning back challenge. I didn’t text the guy who stood me up. I saw guy who is angry at me and just focused on myself and the friend i was with at the time.
I felt really hot and attractive. I haven’t felt that way in…months.

Doing a whole morning of hypnotherapy on sunday. I can’t wait. I feel psyched!

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 4:30pm
740: siren song says:

Also, a cd from way way back emailed me three times today. Weird!

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 4:31pm
741: Healing Waterfall says:

siren song
wow, leaning back seems to be working for you to hold a good vibe…wonder what day 2 will bring for you?

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 4:36pm
742: lk says:

healing waterfall, wow ! you sound so Lovely & Tall… i love your “love Me more than Him” Vibe : )))))))

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 4:40pm
743: Sassy says:

Stay strong, Siren Song. You can do it. Keep coming back here for encouragement as often as you need.

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 4:56pm
744: Healing Waterfall says:

thanks lk
i felt hopeful that you would read that.
it feels good to receive validation that not settling allows better opportunities to come into my life….

it feels hard though, i just saw him for a couple minutes on the trail and i got so sexually aroused….

oh well….i guess i need to go through detox….

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 5:05pm
745: Lizka says:

Oh sirens I feel a little bit panicky.

Remember yesterday I said I would call ATW to talk about my job. Well I was to busy doing things for me so I didn’t call him because it was getting late.

But tonight I had plenty of time and I decided to call him just for chatting. I called him very casually. No answer. I feel weak now. My NVs are going crazy and I am making up stories in my mind.

Like on Saturday, one of his girl friend who he always told me was just a friend called him, and he was with me and he didn’t answer. I told him he can answer it’s ok, and he said “no I don’t want to start chatting with her right now”. Obviously my NVs went “oh he has something to hide”. But I didn’t think about it after that. But now, the fact that he is not answering, my NVs are going “he’s with that girl and doing the same things now”. I know 90% of the chances are my NVs are wrong, but I can’t help to think “what if?”. Stupid What-Ifs.

I haven’t feel like this in at least 2 weeks, maybe more. Obviously it’s because of the weekend we spent together that makes me feel unbalanced. But I don’t feel regretful about it. I have a new strength and I’m sure I will go through this. It’s ok if he doesn’t call back. He probably has something to do, working, sleeping, drinking with friends.

Honestly, I know him, and if he is seeing someone, he would not be sleeping with me. In the begining of “us”, even before it was official, he was insisting that it was exclusive. So if he had someone, I don’t think he would feel the need to sleep with me.

Anyway, why am I spending time analyzing this? It’s not my job. I should be doing things I like right now.

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 5:07pm
746: Aurora Girl says:

Jan and Brandylion…..
and then there’s this version

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d9NF2edxy-M&feature=related

….and guess where they’re from?

xo
Aurora

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 5:07pm
747: Femininewoman says:

The song spinning in my head is ‘I found love in a hopeless place”.

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 5:11pm
748: Femininewoman says:

Healing Waterfall you are ascribing too much power to him. I get turned on at a glimpse of porn. Your body is powerful and sensual. It is not about him. There might pheremones or something there that causes the arousal but I am positive whatever that is, there is plenty more out in the world. I believe it would be more interesting to get to know yourself enough to be able to pinpoint the things that turn you on. Later that can be shared with a man.

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 5:15pm
749: Healing Waterfall says:

Hi Lizka, hi Aurora Girl
I have not connected with you in awhile….
Lizka, you spent the weekend with ATW?

I feel like i made a mistake yesterday, which is why I came to the decision i talked about earlier.
i ended up making out with my crush and it felt good at the time and then it felt really empty and not supportive. And I did not feel a charge from it like I did before, I felt shame in my chest….
this is why i do not want to settle, it does not feel good to me to settle.
but now i feel like i am having oxytocin withdrawal or something…
but i remember that rori talks about raising our oxytocin levels by talking with our girlfriends and taking good care of ourselves….so we do not just look to men for that buzz

and the other day i got out my watercolors and made a painting of two sawwhet owls and two jack in the pulpits in the moonlight, it felt divine and healing to play with colors all day….

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 5:17pm
750: Lizka says:

On another hand, after over one month of no contact with DjCD, he contacted me today. To tell me he haven’t put my necklace in the garbage. Lol. Last time I talked to him, I was mad and I told him he can put it in the garbage, I don’t mind.

I think he was just caving also, like ModelCD. Seems that for Russians, April is the caving month. Lol. And they all reappear in May. Poof! Magic!

He said he was really dedicated to making music lately, that he was in the biggest production phase of his life. I replied with a super good FM.

He even proposed that I passed by tonight to his place to get my necklace. I said I couldn’t and he invited me on Friday and he would show me his music also.

That is perfect because on Friday I have a date with RamadanCD and I won’t be able to stay with DjCD too long so that’s it. If he wants to see me more, he’ll have to reschedule me again.

I like him a lot. I think this guy is the only one right now that could make me forget about ATW. And maybe ModelCD as well…

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 5:20pm
751: Coco Kisses says:

(((((((jan))))))))), dont stop believing in the power of love…i am in the middle of a divorce, get a vision board up. My vision board has a photo of me on it and photos like flowers, hearts, happy couples, and positive words….i know my love of a life time, the man i will grow old with is out there!!!!!! And so is urs..if its possible start going for counseling..i started today it helps

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 5:28pm
752: Lizka says:

Yes Healing Waterfall,

Haha I kind of “used him for sex”. Lol not really, but we went dinner and I initiated sex after and he stayed with me for the rest of the weekend. We had a good time. But yes,I do feel a little bit sensitive now. But not as much as I use to feel.

I actually already feel better. Two cigarettes on my patio, a short chat with DjCD, a short phone conversation with my girl friend and writing here, I already feel better!

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 5:30pm
753: Femininewoman says:

Understand Men Tip #29

Adjust your communication style to remove blame if he does something that you are unhappy with.

Example: “When we were at ________ and you said _________, I felt __________.” Instead of, “You made me feel bad when you said ___________.”

No one can make you feel something without your permission.
They can inspire, threaten or persuade you, but YOU decide how you feel. So, telling someone they “made” you feel a certain way places blame and gives your power away.

*******************************************

Johnathan Aslay

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 5:36pm
754: LoveAlways says:

Having a hard time dropping my thoughts tonight.

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 5:42pm
755: LoveAlways says:

Question: For the sirens who have on line dating profiles – do you contact men first? I mean more than viewing their profile – do you email them first? I was in a flirty mood and started emailing guys whose profiles I had looked at yesterday. Not interested in any of them, just felt like doing something different to get some dialogue so I could practice feelings messages. What do you think?

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 5:45pm
756: Femininewoman says:

Love Always check out the Love On Purpose Seminar that’s on now
http://www.loveonpurposerevolution.com/now

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 5:47pm
757: Femininewoman says:

They are talking about making a conscious decision to let go of the addiction of struggle.

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 5:50pm
758: Femininewoman says:

Turn a dropper full of love onto yourself – bring up in your consciousness someone you know you love. Superimpose your face over the person and use several 10 seconds daily to turn that love onto yourself.

Gay and Kathlyn Hendricks

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 5:56pm
759: Femininewoman says:

http://www.hendricks.com/lasting-love-made-easy-singles-couples-webinars?utm_source=iContact&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=The%20Hendricks%20Institute%20Newsletter%20From%20Name&utm_content=Newsletter+02MAY12

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 6:05pm
760: LoveAlways says:

Ravenquile
I can appreciate a good argument, but your statement was so jumbled. I could not figure out your point other than to be contentious. What was your purpose? What meaningful message do you have?

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 6:07pm
761: LoveAlways says:

FW

Thank you, I’m logging on now!

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 6:12pm
762: Memulo says:

LoveAlways,

yes, I easily contact men online first. Saying something simple. Even just hi! sometimes if I feel lazy;) But only once.

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 6:25pm
763: Memulo says:

Lizka,

There is no reason to be nervous, really. Just lean back now:) It’s not the number of girls calling him, it’s the connection that matters!

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 6:27pm
764: LiliBee says:

752:

Copied and pasted. Love it Love it Love it!

I read these things many times, but sometimes it’s written in a way that really hits home…like this one.

Thanks again FW!

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 6:29pm
765: Starla says:

Love to me.
Seriousl.
Lots of love to me.

I spoke to my therapist today about getting CF out of my head, and he said it is very challenging to move on in a situation like mine because it is essentially all unanswered questions. He said when I start to wonder wtf happened, to try to round out the picture with how HE contributed to relationship issues, and not burden myself so much with it.

I think it’s great advice. It’s been a freaking month already, and I still feel like I got CF’s letter yesterday, because that was the last thing he communicated to me and it ended with “we can talk tomorrow if you want…”

I am not a freak for being upset still.

And I love me.

And other guys want me.

And bless Alaska’s heart for bravely and slowly and carefully trying to show me some sweetness.

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 6:33pm
766: Memulo says:

I on the other hand feel a bit nervous;) We talked on Monday morning and he said he’d call me again later in the day. No contact since then.. I know that from Tuesday late afternoon to Wed early evening he has the boy and we normally don’t communicate during this time. Just this silence doesn’t feel good.

I am doing all the right things for myself and of course leaning back is one of them. Got news this morning that my case is moving along and there’s a chance that I will get it resolved in the next ~10 days. But he doesn’t know because he didn’t call:)

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 6:34pm
767: Radlove says:

One benefit of being stressed out is 5 mararitas with a. mFriend

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 6:35pm
768: Starla says:

I intend to focus on the positive in my non-romantic relationships. Instead of seeing where my boss irks me, I’d like to see where he supports me and is kind to me. Instead of feeling let down by friends at times, I’d like to always remember how awesome they’ve been to me.
I want to hug the whole world.

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 6:44pm
769: Memulo says:

And yes I feel a bit paranoid because his close old friend recently left his marriage of 23 years & 2 kids and moved out because he has a new gfriend. He didn’t talk to him in a while but last week they went out for dinner. What if the friend invited him somewhere and the gfriend brought another girl, so just he doesn’t sit at home while I am away? Plus I didn’t know when exactly I’d be back. Very reasonable scenario, right?

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 6:46pm
770: Memulo says:

Starla #764,

The truth is that you never ‘know’. Even if they call and give you a 1-2-4 hour lecture you still don’t It’s only the result you know and how it makes you feel. May they have a nice day today;)

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 6:49pm
771: LiliBee says:

714:

Thumbs up to that GH! Feels good to read ya!

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 6:49pm
772: Lizka says:

Thank you Memulo. But the connexion is still weak I think. This is why I feel nervoua.

I am about to go to bed and I can’t stop thinking about this again. I wanted to text him a little “I feel nervous when You don’t call back” but this is a little too much and probably controlling and dramatic. So no. But my heart feels a little bit tight.

I want to feel good again like I was in the last 3 weeks. I don’t want to be stuck in this wicked wheel again. And I realised lately that it’s so not about what he is doing or not doing. It is all about me.

I want to be happy and feel detached from him lile in the last weeks. I think he really felt that I was more relaxed and free and this is why our communication came back smoother. I want to stay like this.

Please Universe help me.

Please sirens send me good vibes.

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 6:52pm
773: lk says:

radlove, LOL : ))))

DO NOT DRIVE i have had 1/2 a margarita & i think i should not ride my bike : )

love to you : )

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 6:56pm
774: lk says:

Starla, you are not cr8zy – you are Beautiful and Amazing. look, i just wrote out “and” instead of using an ampersand – i am THAT serious. you are so wonderful & amazing & thoughtful & insightful & graceful & all sorts of sweet, healthy, love-ly adjectives.

& CF is not the only insanely snowflake-perfect man. SO SERIOUS omg there are so many incredible men ! Alaska sounds so great, & he is one of Millions. seriously !

i hate to do this to you, but you might enjoy crying to it LOL…. you know the song by Dxath Cab for Cutie, Someday You Will Be Loved ? LOL i love to cry to that song : ))))) much love to you

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 7:01pm
775: Memulo says:

Lizka, just lean back. He will call of course. Please let him be the one contacting you next. No texting;) You are our champion Challenge girl, we all have you as a role model!

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 7:01pm
776: lk says:

Femininewoman, thank you for posting the love on purpose link ! i’m liking it already : )

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 7:04pm
777: lk says:

(((((((Lizka)))))))) good vibes : ))

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 7:06pm
778: Radlove says:

LLC,

772- lol ty! My friends husband is wonderful ….he picked us up so we could get sloshed.

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 7:10pm
779: Daria says:

i know whats happening with me now, that anxious energy and tightening in my right hand side

its my period wanting to come

and heavies my liver w blood and then

i eat fresh veggies and raw foods to cool it — and i shoot my energy up an miss my period…

i want to comfort it and warm it and let it flow warm, down, comforting, open to this different energy

thank u

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 7:11pm
780: lk says:

awwwww, Radlove that sounds so FUN !! enjoy your evening : ))

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 7:16pm
781: LiliBee says:

(((Lizka)))

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 7:20pm
782: Daria says:

That dropper tool is giving me the jumps! it feels so exciting to see and feel the quality of the love i project to other people!

omg i see my dad like a God!

and my mom mixed w pain… wow love mixed w pain feels so amazing to notice all this!

feeling so excited

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 7:25pm
783: Brandylion says:

Aurora, that was good! Thanks for sharing it!

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 7:27pm
784: Daria says:

some of the love im projecting to other ppl doesnt feel so good to receive, i fele put off and turned off and frightened a bit… liek its all ‘needy’ and ‘hexing’ feeling ‘sorry’ for me and ‘worrying’

that doesnt feel good

piny

ughQ

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 7:27pm
785: Memulo says:

A cute guy on a dating site wrote back to me. I replied.. I feel guilty emailing him

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 7:31pm
786: Memulo says:

Hexing – isn’t it LK’s word

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 7:33pm
787: Daria says:

the sharing emotions way of love feels way NICE! to receive!!

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 7:35pm
788: Daria says:

whoa!! trippy!!1 im feeling all riled up excited and defensive about the ‘hexing’ thing

this is actually deep for me!

hexing feels so magical and i feel so excitied that lk uses it too and i feel all like yay magical girls on here

and omg i know it was a joke hehe

and i got soooo feeling triggered about it anyway to explain defend (which i did in the hexing feels magical and im doing now)

it felt exciting to see myself get ‘riled up’ like that in a way i could handle and become aware of

wow!

(((Daria)))

thank you! for this exciting opportunity to SEE

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 7:38pm
789: Memulo says:

What if my emotions are Errrrrr?

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 7:39pm
790: Memulo says:

The cute guy sent me his email, phone number and says he’d love to meet me. Now I am feeling really weird

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 7:44pm
791: Memulo says:

Daria, I was just teasing you;) But I don’t feel guilty lol

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 7:49pm
792: Radlove says:

Stargirl,

723 – About insecurity, I remember on one of Rori’s CD programs she said a feeling message something like this: “I am feeling nervous, and it would make all my insecurities go away if i could feel assured that everything is okay.’

I forget her exact wording.

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 9:02pm
793: Radlove says:

In other news, I noticed that boys have penises and girls have vaginas.

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 9:10pm
794: T-Girl says:

FW and iama, thanks for your input on tbe present. Im torn at the moment. I guess i just want to express to him that i am so happy he is in my life. Our anniversary just so happens to be on Mothers Day and I think he has something up his sleeve. I dont want to not reciprocate in case he does.

FW, I just started reading Conscious Loving.

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 9:22pm
795: Starla says:

thanks lk
i feel like i am getting my power back:)

but fair warning, i will probably wake up at square 1, but that’s okay too since I gave myself permission to be angry all week.

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 9:31pm
796: R.N.AmazingMe says:

Ok spamming tonight, feeling very alone. Withdrawn, I just wanted my heart to be right. 2years of my life all fantasyland invisible Blaming myself a lot right now

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 9:37pm
797: Starla says:

(((((((AmazingMe)))))))))))))

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 9:49pm
798: Emoticon says:

WOW!!!! Am I happy I read this. I just ended the longest, least beneficial relatonship with one CD and, the Bday part really had me feeling so happy that I ended this because My birthday is next thursday and it would have been the 3rd time celebrating my birthday while dating this guy and he texted me last night asking “when is ur bday again?” and mind you we have been talking about my birthday coming up for a week now but he asked last night because *I* started talking about never having had birthday sex. All the other plans I have for my birthday he didnt seem interested in at all. Im so glad to have the strength to walk away from this. This article has made me feel so happy for this lady and so hopeful and just EAGER to get the modern siren program. I need to manifest the money to get both modern siren and targeting mr right. I LOVE THIS STORY!!!

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 9:50pm
799: siren song says:

yay emoticon!

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 10:07pm
800: siren song says:

just realized that all of my cds are having work issues and are withdrawing! weird! they all seem to be having bad times at the office…that’s normal for men to retreat when their worklife is in the pits…right??

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 10:11pm
801: Starla says:

super normal, siren song.

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 10:34pm
802: Tiffany says:

#732 – Brandylion

I like that song. It seems to be very popular now. But is that really how you spell “Gotye”?? I’ve only heard it spoken, not written. I thought for sure it was “Gauthier,” like French. Lol. I’m so French. I can’t get it out of my blood…

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 10:57pm
803: Starla says:

Wow, these workouts are changing my body! I went up a full notch on my belt – almost two! And my old waist is naturally coming back into form. It is really beautiful. I feel excited and encouraged by the quick progress with my genius trainer.

It feels really good to experience and relate to my body in this way where I feel like I am in full control of it and responsible for its care. Or in other words, I am feeling more comfortable and self-loving in my own skin.

My ‘heartbreak diet’ has helped me lose some weight too, I’m sure! Mostly I have no appetite so I have to force myself to consume calories as I need them, but it also seems like enough for days when I do have an appetite, so it is a happy accident to discover a good weight-loss diet for me.

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 10:57pm
804: Tiffany says:

Emoticon –

HAPPY ALMOST BIRTHDAY!!!

Yay for May B-days!

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 10:59pm
805: Tiffany says:

Hi Starla – That’s awesome! I know it feels great when your body responds to all the good work that you are doing. : ) I guess heartbreak diet can be part of it, too. I am no stranger to that! lol But hey. It’s your bod. You get to live in it! And love it up, too.

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 11:02pm
806: Starla says:

I can’t listen to break up songs when I’m going through one. I just listen to gangster rap mostly, if anything. Music can feel so triggering!

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 11:05pm
807: Tiffany says:

I went for a facial today, and it felt sooo good to receive caring touch! I always forget, and then when I get a facial or massage, I’m like – “oh yeah. I feel great!” lol

And I got a little bit charged up while chatting with VM today. I can’t really explain it. I can’t say what it is about him or his responses that makes me feel so much anxiety. And I’m not sure I need or want to explain. All I know is that what it says to me is that it comes as a big reminder – YOU DON’T WANT TO BE WITH THIS GUY. (That’s what it’s saying to me.) So I’m like, “Oh yeah. I was right about that the first time. Why am I trying to make this ‘work’ again? What exactly am I trying to accomplish??” lol

Any time I speak about it to someone else, I realize how silly I sound, too. Absolutely ridiculous. Like if I wasn’t me, I’d tell myself to get over it and quit thinking about it. Or at least quit trying to “talk” to him. As if that would help. Help what? Make it worse for me? Oh, yeah, that’s great.

I already know that I don’t feel safe around him. And I don’t. Probably for a good reason.

Alright, it’s probably more about me than it is about him. But let’s keep it that way. Let’s keep it about ME and MY healing. This isn’t about “him” and his “stuff.” And it’s not MY job to fix him or it. I just need to take care of myself…

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 11:10pm
808: Starla says:

Weight effortlessly melted off my back and shoulders and upper arms… I have this dainty little frame there now that feels natural and not starved or forced… like an elegant ‘grown up’s’ body that was meant for evening gowns and embellished bikinis. Oh, it’s just amazing how the universe responded to my sincere intention to change my body into what i envisioned to be right for it. The universe sent me, literally right into my lap, a trainer and a convenient gym with awesome people, It also sent me a decreased appetite… even if it’s from heartbreak, it is still something I asked the universe for, so I feel grateful for it! And weight is falling from where I need it to fall…

I feel excited that this is all happening fairly effortless and I haven’t needed to become unhealthily obsessed with losing weight to make it happen. It just all fell together for me:). I just show up and take really nice care of me, and the rest does itself:).

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 11:15pm
809: Tiffany says:

Siren Song #799 –

I’ve had that with a lot of my CDs over the past few months. It seemed to be a trend. Like they’d be really into me, and make all kinds of time for me. And then all of a sudden, they would get “really busy” with work. Suddenly they would reveal to me that in fact, they work long hours and it’s hard to get away. Oh, and they are just tired all the time. And they hate it, but they are stuck. They can’t get away.

so it could be just these guys. But also, it made me wonder – am I making myself “too busy” to see people? Am I giving the impression that I don’t have time for them (or maybe others) and that I make excuses?

Hm…I’m still not sure of the answer to this. I may well try to keep myself “busy” in an attempt to “raise my value” by not being to available. But on the other hand, if I am not available enough – or at all, that doesn’t exactly help, either. I don’t want to appear that I think I am “better” or that I don’t have time for them, or they won’t have time for me, either.

Trying to find the balance, I guess….

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 11:16pm
810: Daria says:

i freakin leaned forward and when i did lean back my boyfriend neighbor CD did come thru. he didn’t bring me smoke like i expected and i did not get mad and instead enjoyed watching videos… that felt surprising calming and fun.

and my feet got rubbed and that felt nice

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 11:25pm
811: Tiffany says:

@Starla – That’s the best way!

General blogging now:

I haven’t heard from MM since Monday, and to be honest, I do not feel at all worried about it. I’ve considered texting him a little something in the last few days, but I’ve held back. I figured I would give myself at least until Thursday before I said anything.

Guys need to rebuild their testosterone, after all… ; )

Plus, I gotta give him a chance to contact me, as well. Whether he does or he doesn’t is not a big deal. It’s not like he is my boyfriend. He’s just a cute guy who showed up and helped me feel good and sexy right before my birthday. I mean, I’m sure it would have been similar even if it wasn’t my birthday. But it just happened to be, which was convenient : )

And I’ve practically forgotten about YoungGuy. Haven’t written to him or heard from him. But honestly, the date felt so awkward to me. I really don’t feel attracted to him, and I can’t see him appreciating me in the way that I want to be appreciated. I’m sure he’s a good guy. I just would rather hold out for the real thing….

I want a guy who is sensitive and can recognize my sensitivities, but doesn’t make too big a deal out of them. I want a guy who can “take care” of me without belittling me, but honoring me in the process. And I want a man who values himself and me enough to want to be with me and not let go – even when I fight it. Even when I say ridiculous things. Because he can see into my heart, and he’ll be there for me. Oh, yeah, and he’ll make me laugh, too.

Meanwhile, I feel grateful for guys like MM and V – who show up and make me feel sexy. Even if it isn’t for the long term…

Thank you, Men! Thank you, Universe! Thank you Thank you! : )

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 11:28pm
812: Daria says:

earlier a new cd and his friend drove up and smoked with me… i felt disappointed they didnt stay longer and we didnt meet with my girl

she asked on the phone first thing “hey are you gonna buy me and my girl a drink?” to the guy

and i shook my head and said oh no – then i felt guilty like im not voting for her and undermining her and i stopped

it felt nice to meet the guys

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 11:36pm
813: Daria says:

i felt awful waking up and i took good care of me today and now im feeling lovely!

Wednesday, 2 May 2012 @ 11:39pm
814: Vi says:

My husband wants me to get a job apart from the projects I have now working from home (these projects are for another country). He’d like me to pay taxes not where my projects are, but where I live.

if I get a regular office job I am going to see him 3 hours/week in total… his shift is from 4 pm till 1 am incl. weekends.

I remember how lonely I felt when our relationship was super-toxic and I worked at the office loading myself with tons of projects to feel seen and recognized… and then i came home and there was no one waiting for me…. just my doggy.. I feel teary..

I feel resentful cuz he doesn’t care that we are going to see each other no more than 3 hours per week if I get one more job… I feel MAD and ANGRY

I want to shake him till he understands HOW. GOOD. I. AM.

and I feel lonely and bad… and stiff in my left shoulder… it is going up.. it’ okay shoulder, i love you. my dear beautiful shoulder.

So I said “I love you. And I hear your concern. But I don’t want to be in a relationship and find myself feeling lonely again”. He hugged me and said nothing. I leand back and said nothing as well.

I feel defensive… actually it feels like I need his approval and it feels icky. Counting how many hours we’re ging to spend feels even more icky.. uuhg

still I agreed to go to a job interview tomorrow… okay, I will go there. That interview guy on the phone made me smile and talking to him felt really good…let’s call tomorrow interview a CD. And remember that I am not obliged to accept any job offer if I am not feeling like getting another job (right now) … it’s okay… it’s okay to have boundaries and choose and not to be a puppet in anyone’s hands… it’s okay V. Love to me.

Love to you sirens.

Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 12:15am
815: Vi says:

And I feel guilty that I don’t have to go to any office every day and spend 8/5 rushing back and forth… I feel guilty having time for walks with my doggy and my nails and gym and having enough sleep.. I am feeling sad and bad that it feels so uncomfortable to me.. I want to feel good about receiving such good things from the Universe! Love to me. Love to me. LOTS of LOVE to ME.

Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 12:22am
816: Vi says:

LOVE to the generous Universe!

Love to you sirens.

Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 12:23am
817: Vi says:

okay.. I’m not feeling so alone anymore.. I have my boy energy and the Universe… and the blog… I love my loneliness and sadness.. and “past” me with all my loneliness and sadness… I love my sadnes.. I can feel sad and confused and still keep on experiencing good feeling things… it’s okay to be sad and confused.. I love my sadness and confusion ..I love my stiff left shoulder..

It’s like stretchings that feel painful at first but have a good effect in the long run… I can be there for myself. I choose to be there for myself… I feel powerful. And it feels scary. I feel scary to feel my power… I feel fear … Power feels scary … I love my fear I love my power.. I love my part that feels powerful… I honor you, my power part.. my masculine energy part (?)… Love to me.

Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 12:27am
818: Radlove says:

Starla,

794 – You are a strong woman and hugs to yourself for that. Would it help for you to talk about the pros and cons of your relationship, to process?

Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 1:30am
819: Radlove says:

{{{Vi}}},

816 – Beautiful!

Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 1:33am
820: Daria says:

((((Vi))))

Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 1:34am
821: Radlove says:

Vi,

813 – I think working opposite shifts is the kiss of death to a relationship. Your processing is so beautiful.

Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 1:39am
822: Radlove says:

Emoticon,

Happy Birthday!

Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 1:44am
823: Daria says:

im feeling sooo lovely and balanced now

i feel excited

i just talked to 3 men on the phone

and a few earlier this morning

this is my life everyday now

feels fun!

and my dates feel better

i still feel all uncomfortable receiving sometimes hehe

i feel all ‘relieved’ when im giving something instead, like a piece of food

mmm

((((Daria)))))

im just feeling so much secure still

and my responses are so different from this place…

its like i pick what to say in a way that feels so direct and open and inviting

i can easily tell a man it would feel better to talk…

without that controlly talk to me now energy

once i dropped the anger at them and the ‘make it happen’

it feels so much easier to surrender

practicing this feels so fun!

and i see now, with men ive gotten close to, that i KNOW like me, like NeighborCD

and in the past iwth another dude

and etc

that i lean forward and basically wind up keeping an emotional distance intimately

by getting in my controlly energy

i get excited and ‘bossy’

and theres something that feels wonederful and cute

and yet the way i express it is in a way that keeps intimacy at a certain level

when i open up and really let the man lead, even when I KNOW I HAVE TOTAL CONTROL BECAUSE HE ADORES ME!!!!

then i allow closeness and intimacy

and i feel scared!

and judgemetnal!

i dont want these men to get cloes to me!

they’re not good enough for me on the outside

ppl will say they’re not good enough for me

they don’t look or dress or act cool enough

i would like to heal this

thank u

Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 1:45am
824: Radlove says:

{{{AmazingMe}}},

795 – You are perfect!

Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 1:48am
825: Daria says:

mm realizing from yesterday how when i use my masculine energy to direct a date, even giving directions wout being asked, or even suggesting stuff to do even if its what i want…

i wind up feeling unsatisfied the next day and a bit sad

kinda ‘wired up’

i dont want to feel that way

Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 1:56am
826: Daria says:

Happy Birthday Emoticon !

Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 2:01am
827: Daria says:

What feels icky is when first off certain CDs I don’t feel sexually close with touch me on my knee

That doesn’t feel comfortable

I can practice with it and accept it

And I actually feel icky thinking about it now

I feel it turning me on and it feels icky to be turned on by someone I judge as unworthy

They are not cool enough and I very cool

Hmmm

I would like to heal this

I feel icky and turned off being turned on before I feel emotionally safe

And I don’t want to open up and let these men kiss me!

Ew!!

Hmmm

I feel sadness and this doshust turned down mouth feel and this warm expansion in my pusdy and I feel shame

Icky sad

I love all my feelings.

And I’m realizing I didn’t tell the truth to getright about feeling unconfortable w being treated certain ways

I felt afraid of ‘drama’ and loudness

Love to me

Also didn’t tell it to transformer man

I want to heal all this

Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 2:44am
828: Daria says:

I feel sad

The other thing was I felt bad when lady dude I had sex w said I pressured him to kiss me

I was careful about mu wording and yet it did feel unconfortable for mei was like ‘I don’t want to be cuddling and not kiss’

I felt sad and unattractive

I felt scared he didn’t find me attractive lovable ‘pure’ ‘innocent’ ‘sweet’ ‘clean’ worthy? Honored ?

Amazing?

I felt not seen not honored

That felt bad

I don’t feel good when I’m touched sexually before kidding

Maybe hand on knee in certain instances feels sexual

No matter, I choose to open and yet honor what I feel… If not comfortable then.., I’m not

Hm
M

About kissing em…

Okay repulsed wait

Not if I feel repulsed

I’m doing grat lookin at this!

Babysteps

Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 2:51am
829: Lizka says:

Question (hope I’ll get se help): when you know your man (or a man you’re seeing) has lie to you (about a small thing, let’s say about why he didn’t call you). And you know he lied because you know something that he doesn’t know you know… What do you do?

You tell him?

You tell him in FM? (What kind of FM?)

You tell him it feels bad to be lied to (????) ?

You say nothing even if you feel like a fool?

You lean back?

Help me please!!!

Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 3:40am
830: Aurora Girl says:

748 Healing Waterfall

Yes! Good to connect…..I was happy and excited to read about your playing with watercolours…..that can bring joy as well……..

I hear you regarding making out with your crush…..I wonder if you can see it as experimenting and being open as opposed to something you did “wrong”……maybe there were uncomfortable feelings afterwards….but maybe there were other feelings too…….I find talking with close gf also helps…

.and running….(way to go Lizka by the way…..keeping the running up)

and listening to good good music that lifts me up and gets me out of my head!……helps the dust settle and then I stop beating my self up! lol…..

(((((Healing Waterfall))))

xo
Aurora

Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 3:47am
831: Aurora Girl says:

Lizka….

for me…if it was a minor thing….I’d let it go, but log it in my mind as information for later…..more about a possible behaviour pattern of his……men lie out of fear sometimes….and forgetfulness…and a whole lot of other things….

but if it was something significant….I’d want to bring it out in the open…..something like “so I’m feeling a bit confused…..I recall you mentioned A to me but later I learned that B was going on and I didn’t know what to make of it”…….”I ‘d feel better if I was more clear about it……what do you think?”"

how does that sound Lizka running Diva Siren?

xo
Aurora

Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 3:50am
832: Lizka says:

Aurora –

I called ATW last night and he didn’t answer. Before I went to bed, because it felt authentic to say it, I texted him “I feel a bit worried when I feel my calls are ignored. Good night. Talk soon. xoxo” and he replied “dead phone, no worries”.

The thing is I’m not stupid. I’m almost 100% sure that when a phone is out of batteries, there is no ring when you call on it… and IT WAS ringing when I called him…

So, is that a major or an minor thing? I know it sounds minor, but it might hide something bigger…

And I feel like a fool to know that he lied, AND he still haven’t return my call…

Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 3:56am
833: Aurora Girl says:

oh sweetie I’d ignore that one…..I know phones can vary….some can ring when they’re dead or off…others just come up with a message that the person is not available…….

what if you assumed all was well and that all was good…..what if you could tell the inner police dog….who wants to protect you and is growling that it’s ok you know when something big comes up you will handle it….and for now…….all could very well be ok….

are you unknowingly sabotaging this out of fear? looking for something to go off because it’s scary…..

I’d let it go big time……and tell him….”Thanks for clarifying…it can be so confusing with cell phones sometimes……” and wish him a good night or a good day…..thank him for connecting because it feels great to connect……” etc.

hugs to you……..how does that feel…trying to just be soft around it?

Aurora

Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 4:01am
834: Memulo says:

Lizka, if you lean back now he might return your call..

Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 4:02am
835: Lizka says:

Oh Aurora you think it’s possible? That it might be in my head? I will try to focus on that and not think about the possible lie.

Memulo, thank you for cheering me up. Yes I will lean back. But I doubt he will call back. Not his style.

I feel like crying thinking of this.That he thought “phone dead, no worries” is enough to make me happy. I had such a hard time to sleep, woke up many times thinking about this lie and what to do with it.

That’s it I’m crying

Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 4:08am
836: Memulo says:

I wonder if he decided to withdraw exactly at the moment when I was dropping my fears that he would

Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 4:10am
837: Memulo says:

Lizka what I am learning is that you can’t really push.. Been guilty of it recently too. One phone call with a VM is to let him know you want to hear his voice. After all, it is his choice to call back or not. You can only state what you want – preferably once. Please please don’t feel ‘ignored’, he cares about you, he doesn’t ignore, not because he didn’t call back within 2 hours?

Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 4:16am
838: Femininewoman says:

Lizka I believe you would do yourself a world of good to look at yourself and see your own patterns. Some of it in my humble opinion includes lying to yourself. Around sex. It seems you can’t handle casual sex.

Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 4:30am
839: Aurora Girl says:

Lizka

“I feel like crying thinking of this.That he thought “phone dead, no worries” is enough to make me happy. I had such a hard time to sleep, woke up many times thinking about this lie and what to do with it”

if you want to feel sad and scared and unhappy then thinking of those things will do it for sure……

but if you want to feel lighter, relaxed, content and sure of your self how about flipping it?

“I want to feel settled when I think of him…he responded with “phone dead, no worries” to reassure me…..that’s fair….I want to sleep well so I need to feel settled…..

Lizka maybe this “lying thing” is trying to be healed….

xo

Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 4:35am
840: Vi says:

Radlove, Daria, thank you beautyful sirens for the hugs!! Awww.. I feel melting.
Love to you sirens.

Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 4:40am
841: Vi says:

#820
Radlove, I’ve got the same feeling.. it truly feels like death. It is a challenge.. and it is a good occasion to feel what I feel about it… and set up boundaries.. I definitely NEED some experience with setting up and communicating boundaries. Thank you SO much for your support and your comment! I feel so grateful!!

Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 4:41am
842: Vi says:

#819
Daria, looking through the comments to one of the older posts I came across your Beliefs Shifting Tool, I’d like to try it to process my belief that I shouldn’t feel powerful. Do you mind?
Love to you.

Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 4:43am
843: Brandylion says:

Tiffany, re: #801. I was surprised by that spelling too. I also figured it was more like a French spelling, but that spelling is what comes up when you Google it! Also, I would assume the official YouTube video wouldn’t misspell it, and that has it as Gotye. Strange.

Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 4:50am
844: Vi says:

#834
Lizka, I am new to the blog and don’t know your situatiton very well (I will surely catch up), but I’m sending you much, much love for now! I feel sad you are feeling this way, but I feel glad you are here, as the blog feels like the right place to get support and a good advice from “experienced” sirens.
(((((((((Lizka)))))))))))

Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 4:51am
845: Lizka says:

Wow Aurora (838) I think you are magic! You always seem to know the good thing to tell me so I feel better and to convinced me that the situation is not that bad and that there is no reason to worry. First the battery thing and now “he responded with “phone dead, no worries” to reassure me…..that’s fair…”. Wow this feels good. I’m going to copy this one in my phone and re read it every time I feel sad today. Thanks! xoxo

Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 4:52am
846: Aurora Girl says:

Have a good morning and great day Sirens…..

off to launch the new day for me……!

~~~***~~~ good vibes, lots of light and love coming our way….watch for it!!!!!

xo
Aurora

Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 4:52am
847: Aurora Girl says:

Lizka!!

You are so lovely!!!!!!!

xo extra light to you! chickie girl!

Aurora!

Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 4:54am
848: Lizka says:

Thank you FW, Memulo and Vi. And welcome to the blog Vi. I wish you a lot of success and learning. In the 6 months that I’ve been here, I have learn so much and grown a lot, specially in the last month.

For today, I decided to smile and enjoy my training and repeat to myself that he didn’t want to hurt me, he just wante to reassured me. He actually probably didn’t call back because it was already late. And he doesn’t know why I called and if it’s urgent or not so he might not call today or tomorrow or neither the day afyer and it’s ok.

Ok I can breath!!

Im listening to my favourite CD ever, one with russian music that DjCD made a few years ago when we were dating, and Im smiling and the good memories, good parties and good friends it makes me think of!

Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 5:11am
849: Memulo says:

I don’t need to call him myself to ask if he’s going thru a rough time, right? I don’t want to do it, just hoping it won’t be perceived as ‘cold’ and ‘not caring enough’

Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 5:21am
850: Radlove says:

Daria,

826 – When I feel turned off when a man touches me, I honor my feelings by knowing they are telling me the touch is premature. It feels better when a man is sensitive to my feelings and when I don’t feel pressured. I like it when sexual tension is built and he touches when he feels the intuitive mutual attraction and desire.

Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 5:25am
851: Radlove says:

Lizka,

828 – I take each instance case by case, so it’s hard to give one sweeping answer without knowing all the details. One very good approach is something I learned by observing a very intelligent US attorney.

Instead of saying you lied or asking if you lied, he looked the person in the eye, to study the reaction. Then he asked a question 3 times in different ways. For example,

“So you didn’t call because you got stuck in traffic?”
Yeah.

There was an accident on route XX?
Yeah.

You didn’t get home until 7:30?

By the third time, he gets the drift that you don’t necessarily believe him. You have to do this face to face, because you studying his eyes in combination with this is unnerving. And most of the time he will feel so nervous that he will come out with the truth.

If it is a minor white lie that isn’t consequential, I will lightly state the truth with a smile, for example, “Oh, by the way, my friend Laura saw you at the gym last night!”

Does that help? Want to give more specifics?

Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 5:34am
852: Radlove says:

Lizka,

RE: 831 – You initiated.

that totally changes things. He is a man. You set yourself up for rejection. In this case, don’t initiate and that can’t happen. I sure can’t explain it like Daria can but you have no ground to stand on here.

i would totally let it go and just not initiate. So hard, I know.

Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 5:37am
853: Femininewoman says:

Oh my RadLove I am wondering how interrogating a romantic interest would build love, trust and a feeling of safety?

I feel nervous and shaky reading the tactic.

Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 5:39am
854: Radlove says:

Vi,

840 – YW, maybe about working is there any way you could get a second shift job also when the time is right? If I was in your situation and i was pressured to get a 1st shift job, i might say something like this:

I feel sad about working opposite shifts. i don’t want to be one of those women who sits home alone all the time. How can we fix this?

Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 5:44am
855: Radlove says:

FW,

852 – Well if I had known from that point that she was talking about a man not returning her call, I never would have said that.

I reserve that approach for when there is dishonesty going on. For me, that’s a toxic man approach.

Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 5:52am
856: R.N.AmazingMe says:

Thank you sirens for all your support and sharing of our experiences to help guide one another. It’s refreshing. Day 3 of being late please say your prayers for me…I just hope I can get through it but It was all my fault. I just thought I knew more than everyone else.

Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 5:53am
857: Silver Moonbeam says:

#687 Daria

That is an absolutely BRILLIANT post, thank you.

Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 6:00am
858: Radlove says:

Amazing Me,

I don’t understand. What is going on? Day three of what?

Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 6:03am
859: Radlove says:

Moonbeam,

856 – Howdy! I thot Daria’s post was brilliant, too.

Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 6:05am
860: R.N.AmazingMe says:

@857 good thing this is my safe haven here on the blog but I am never late on my period. I am 3 days late but been stressed about ssome things too. I just am not sure took test but I believe it may be too early. It’s a waiting game, I am 32 single mother of three, made a bad judgement call. No excuse for this, I made a bad choice.

Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 6:10am
861: R.N.AmazingMe says:

I dont want anyone to feel bad for me or sorry. I have to deal with my choices in life good and bad. Just nice to have you nice sirens to talk to when I go through life

Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 6:11am
862: Brandylion says:

Sirens, the thing I get to feel proud about in this situation is that I’m not contacting him. As awful as I feel sometimes, and as much as I want to lash out at him in anger, I’m not; I’m respecting his decision to be absent from my life.

Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 6:15am
863: LoveAlways says:

Good Morning Sirens:

Thank you Memulo for responding to my question about contacting guys on line first. It just feels so weird. I actually contacted CD assertive first with a flirt and did not even remember doing that.

I actually woke up 4am today deleted my profile (it was on a free sight) because I saw CD assertive was on there every time I logged on. I really don’t feel like playing games with him and would really like to just start going out on dates with other guys again and leave him in my past. So I thought the best way was to just leave him to that sight (not enough guys anyway) and go back to the expensive sight where you can’t see that’s I’m logged on unless you go to my profile directly, and I can see you’ve been on my profile. It seemed like playing games with him and I don’t want that kind of energy – his kind of energy- in my life anymore. Even though we are not facebook friends, I blocked him from viewing my public timeline because he made comments to me based on my public posts, so I really want to step back from him.

I’ve been struggling with how I want to deal with him if he steps up again, and right now I just want to move on going out on other dates and eventually getting involved intimately with someone else. Don’t see that happening with him around, so I’ve decided that I’m going to limit my contact with him going forward (rather than be the open invitation like in commitment blueprint). He needs to be at the very bottom of the rotation at the very least.

So I’ve been making my way through Rori’s programs and preparing for my second go round at circular dating. I made many mistakes with my CDs, but it was still a remarkable experience. I guess I’m a sophmore siren now!

I did put my profile up again on the expensive sight And actually writing some scripts this time for the more daily & day-to-day CDing.

My strongest self critique is knowing the degree of CDing once a particular guy is stepping up. In my opinion, there has to be some scaling back on the actual night-time dates. It is unmanageable for me after a point.

I also notice that CDs are so taken with me in the beginning, want to get close & intimate very fast, declare their love fore me, and then with the whole circular dating thing, they start to refer to me as a player. I’m really not a player, I just enjoy the attention of a lot of guys, doesn’t mean I want to be with all of them. That makes me a Diva!! But I can’t ignore how it all eventually went haywire on that point. So I will adjust just a bit this time around.

I feel it’s important to xtended my “me time” a few more weeks (even though I did reactivate my online profile already – corresponding with a cutie already!). I’ve decided to lose another five pounds so I need some more time. Will be sporting a new body along with new energy on my next round of circular dating!
I feel excited!

Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 6:23am
864: T-Girl says:

(((RNAmazingME)))

Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 6:32am
865: R.N.AmazingMe says:

Thanks for the love it makes me feel heard i appreciate it:)

Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 6:37am
866: Radlove says:

AmazingMe,

Three days isn’t much. There are all sorts of variables. Hugs to you!

Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 6:39am
867: Radlove says:

I am so glad I got drunk last night! I am NOT an alcoholic, and I very rarely drink. But last night I was so keyed up for so many reasons, and it was straight therapy!!

I went out with a long time friend and we just acted silly together and were texting crazy things to her husband! I felt so safe and so loved, while being just absolutely goofy! I sure needed that, because so many areas of my life have been too serious lately.

We are all going to a birthday party for another woman in our little group of friends this Friday at another woman’s home, and I look forward to that, too.

Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 6:43am
868: R.N.AmazingMe says:

Yes I am a stresser anyways so that doesn’t help. I just want to walk forward and leave any of this negative stuff behind.

Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 6:45am
869: Starla says:

Woke up feeling slightly better than the day before.
hey-hey!

Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 6:50am
870: siren song says:

I just thought of all the things i did to ‘give’ to guys i have dated and i felt super-icky. With only a couple of exceptions has this ever felt good. I was trying to buy their affection. I don”t think i’ll ever do that again.

Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 6:51am
871: Femininewoman says:

LoveAlways I love your sporting a new body comment.

Regarding cdating, remember you don’t need to discuss your choices with men. They already know they have no claim on you with commitment. I practice telling them I like to keep my options open and “it is nothing serious”.

Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 7:02am
872: April Rose says:

Are we all waiting for Rori’s new posting, to see who can be first on?
I am !!!!

Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 7:04am
873: siren song says:

Yay starla!

Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 7:05am
874: April Rose says:

Come on Rori, it’s killing me!!!

Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 7:06am
875: April Rose says:

It feels like waiting for Christmas

Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 7:08am
876: April Rose says:

I don’t think I can stand it. I give up. I want to go away from the bl**dy computer.

Someone else go first. OOh.

Oooh. I feel so giddy

Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 7:10am
877: April Rose says:

It could be another hour.
Or hours.
Or days…

Oooh, Rori. Quit teasing me so!

Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 7:11am
878: Femininewoman says:

April Rose I am learning to let go of urgency

Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 7:12am
879: April Rose says:

EM has strongly stated that he wants me to text him without his initiation.

I can’t do it!

He’ll be miffed.

I’ll just tell him “It felt so weird, I couldn’t do it. It makes me feel so unfeminine to contact a man first.”

Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 7:14am
880: April Rose says:

Femininewoman,

I am having fun. I feel all giddy, like Christmas is coming. I LOVE this feeling…..

p.s. you sounded a bit pompous there

giggle…

Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 7:16am
881: April Rose says:

It’s here!!! New post. And I get to vent. Because it is so spot on!

Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 7:27am
882: Femininewoman says:

April Rose not sure how you heard me but I believe pompous is a judgement. Just before I wrote that comment though I told a man that after spending most of the day with him yesterday it became very apparent to me that I need to let go of urgency. After driving me around trying to find the stadium that my daughter was at a track meet I caught myself being anxious about him missing the road, the ramp and going in the wrong direction. He reacted in several different ways trying to control himself patiently and in a calm controlled manner. It reinforced Rori’s post about being the navigator, not giving advice and directions and teaching myself to shut up. It helped me to really see myself. Those were some big lessons for me yesterday and reinforcing what I have been learning on a practical level. I had just finished sharing with him and even putting it in the context of my fingers getting hurt because of urgency. Maybe I was projecting on you so I apologize.

Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 7:53am
883: Silver Moonbeam says:

Radlove good to see you had some FUN!!! Howdy to you too.

Less seriousness, more fun, fun, fun I all round I say.

Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 7:56am
884: Silver Moonbeam says:

{{{ RN Amazingme }}}

Was this old flame CD?

Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 7:57am
885: Silver Moonbeam says:

Me neither Sirensong, never ever again will I try and “buy” a man’s affection.

Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 7:58am
886: siren song says:

although, when i have given little tiny stuff without really having an agenda, it’s been ok.

Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 8:06am
887: Femininewoman says:

SMB your comment about buying a man’s attention have me thinking about “Act Like a Woman Think Like a Man”. Yesterday a man was telling me about a woman who was in love with him years ago. He said he was living with someone but she decided to share that with him. He had just migrated and was not settled yet so she decided to buy him some shirts. After that she showed up at his house one day unannounced and he could not understand. His take was that she told him that he was too much of a man. He told me that he does not want to be a kept man. I asked him what he meant and he said he did not want anything from anybody that had strings attached to it. “Just because you gave me something you believe you can just show up whenever you want” was what he said. My impression was that he thought he was being polite by accepting her gifts but after that happened he said he gave her back her stuff. I couldn’t understand his rationale because my opinion is he knew how she was feeling before she gave him the gift so why take it. But I listened careful and looked for the lesson in the story.

Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 8:08am
888: April Rose says:

Femininewoman,

I apologise too.
I heard you say “I am learning to let go of urgency, therefore you should too”
Otherwise why did you direct that statement at me?

Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 8:25am
889: Radlove says:

Moonbeam,

882 – Thank you! Yes, there is a lot to be said for just having fun! Even in a serious situation, there are always things to be grateful for and to laugh about.

New post yay!

Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 8:31am
890: Femininewoman says:

April Rose thanks. That is a good lesson for me. I will start paying attention in my life to see if my “I am” statements cause people to become defensive because they feel criticized.

Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 8:51am
891: Silver Moonbeam says:

#886 FW

Yes I can understand this now, the man thinks the shirts have strings attached so he takes them reluctantly and maybe on some level for the woman they do have strings, they make her feel caring towards him and somehow a part of his life so therefore she can drop around any old time as her “plan” if you like is to be as a couple with him, so yes she was trying to “buy” his affection, I have done it myself but only realised years later when I found Rori Raye.

Sometimes I have felt sooooo embarassed at how lean forward and masculine energy I was, I cannot even believe half the stuff I did, I could cringe.

Never again…………….

Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 9:06am
892: Ravenquile says:

Daria,

In #684, you made some really good points. I will certainly give this some further thought and consideration. Thank you for sharing your thoughts with me.

Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 9:31am
893: Ravenquile says:

LoveAlways,

760 I read some of the entries here on the blog and I guess I took my mental debate to the blog, just airing my thoughts, I suppose.

Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 9:34am
894: Ravenquile says:

Starla,

696, You think I sound like a rockstar, huh? That makes me smile! Thanks for your comment! I admit, I am a pretty opinionated woman who knows what she likes and doesn’t like.

Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 9:36am
895: Coco Kisses says:

@ starla ….i feel the same way about my weightloss, when my husbandwas in the house making me feel bad, ugly, unattractive, i couldnt lose weight, now that he is gone, my body has adjusted to my thyroid medication, i found a personal trainer, who is a miss bikini fitness competitor, to train with three times a week, in exchange for beauty services, im getting body treatments from a friend, and im losing weight….ilove it…i will have my goal body by the end of this year and bwith the man of my dreams by the end of the yr.

Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 10:04am
896: Symantha says:

This story moved me and made me cry!
Thanks Rori for sharing
Xx

Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 2:32pm
897: Tiffany says:

I feel sad about the weather. It is dreary & gloomy. I’m probably having some pms, although it hasn’t been as bad this month. And now a bunch people are declining my birthday party. And even though I felt committed to being open to whatever happened and staying positive, I gotta admit, it still feels bad : ( and the bus driver was rude to me. Grumble grumble. I feel grumpy, and I want to FEEL it. I don’t want to pretend to feel something else. I feel bad right now!!!

Even though a lot of good things are happening, and generally I feel happy, right now feels like crap. You can suck it, crappy moment. Go and…eat a cookie or something

Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 6:24pm
898: Tiffany says:

I think (believe) the universe might be challenging me – to feel liked and loved even though SOME people don’t show up for me. I am do worried for those people. What did I do wrong??? I feel so sick in my stomach. Like twisty knots of poison. It feels, tight, hot. I feel afraid. Why are they leaving me?? But it’s not about me. It’s about them. It is about *their* schedule. It is about them not being sale to be there. It is about THEM being lame & unworthy. Not me!!! THEY are not worthy of being there, if they can’t show up. They should be good enough for me.

I wonder : did I do something wrong? Did I sound too controlling in my email? But that’s probably just me being neurotic. Lots of people cancel for lots of other people’s birthdays. It’s not that big a deal. Other people don’t freak out about it.

It’s ok. I’m going to be okay….

Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 9:16pm
899: Tiffany says:

@Brandylion #842 – weird!

I wonder if his name is really the French spelling or something, but then they switched it so that people could pronounce it. Lol. Or maybe that really is his name! Interesting!

Thursday, 3 May 2012 @ 9:24pm
900: Lien says:

Allison went through so much pain to find a new man that loves her and does things for her, just to make her feel special. That’s the kind of love any girl would want. I am totally showing this to my friend, because, even though she has two relationships, her boyfriend is saying how he not that into her or not really sure. the other guy doesnt want her to be his girlfriend. After reading this, ill tell ger and show her all of this and how it can affect your life so much.

Thanks,
One understanding fan.

Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 12:13am
901: Daria says:

Vi – i feel great to know you want to use my tool… feel free to use any of my tools i feel honored

Friday, 4 May 2012 @ 8:56am
902: Vi says:

Radlove, thank you for your comment! Your care feels so good! Actually I do have a job (several projects) and work from home – mainly in the evening when he is busy and it feels good.
Yet – I decided I might take smth but – it has to feel good and be smth I really love
Love to you!

Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 2:32am
903: maria says:

Dear Rori,at the moment,you are my best friend and today a miracle happened.Three years ago,I divorced from a man after a four years relationship which was a catastrophe from day two.I became pregnant almost immediately,and my whole life hAs been bad relationships;my mother,not present father,my sisters,my stepmother,all the boys I fell in love with and ended upp hurt,dissappointed,feeling embarassed etc.And I never ever understood what happened.I was very unlucky and could almost never connect with friends etc in a normal,healthy way.
Now this man,my husband.After a while,our relation became so poisoned,i had to throw him out,he moved abroad and i topk care of my son alone.It has been hard,tough,unhappy,moving from place to place feeling like i had no life At All.the contact with this man who always insulted me,tried to rule my life and give advice made me sick,and today we have nothing but some sms:es,and he send some money.we had no connection,no communication,only telling each other how wrong we are always.he has been travelling for five months almost never heard from him and now he is back in the UK where he lives.the money he sends has always been sn issue and caused a lot of fight.Sometimes when i felt bad i could send him like five sms in a row complsining about how he destroyed my life and left me all alone.i thought he was too selfish etc…
Tonight,I wanted to tell him almost the samr things.Though,I decided to use your feeling messages this time!(and you have to know our marriage almost killed me,litterally,he always said it was my fault and i never ever understood anything)
i have. met some men but they had all a very feminine vibe,especially the last one and it ended up as always,in hell for me,he got a new girlfriend after one week and i have been cruing and crying decided to live in my feelings.I started to think about my ex husband.I thought of how very masculine he is.He has absolutely no feminin vibe at all,not in one thing!And them,it clicked.I avted very masculine when we were together!overfunctioning,payed everything,did everything for him…and i look very feminine so the gods probably had all the best for hand when they made us meet!
not that i am sure we can fix it and become happy together,but I have to be the girl here!Well,I sended four sms tonight,using only feeling messages.and then today I sended another sms where i wrote;I feel a bit weird when I sended many sms.I immediately got the answer;
-That is not bad when not insulting.
Haha,isnt it fantastic?
Rori,you are a Genious!You saved my life because I FEEL from now on only FEEL,and that will make me happy I feel it!

Sunday, 6 May 2012 @ 7:47am
904: Rori Raye says:

maria – wishing you so much love in your life…Love, Rori

Sunday, 6 May 2012 @ 9:34am
905: eve says:

Definitely a success story that proves that things/tools work
How about situations when we are the toxic ones and we project so much on the others?

From my perspective, the overall projection(s) topic is important as sometimes we blame/categorize/point out without noticing that we are&do the exact things that we hate in others (ex.men).
I mean when are own actions trigger…the so called “toxic” thing.

Happy and willing to hear your thoughts

Monday, 7 May 2012 @ 4:41am
906: lovescript says:

dear Rori what shall I do when there is a man I dated who left me for another girl and the only thing I want is to make his life a living hell?

Monday, 7 May 2012 @ 8:59am
907: Rori Raye says:

lovescript – if the place you want to put all your energy and love is into making someone else’s life a living hell – you will never be happy…and I’m guessing you know that and so you’re asking what to do with all those feelings. This is what my programs are all about – honoring, loving and working with your emotions so you can be happy. Perhaps start with the ebook, and then Heart Connection Toolkit. Just listen to it (especially disc 2) over and over and over and over until it retrains your thinking about what love is and what you can have…

If he left you for another girl – he CANNOT be the right man for you. That means there’s many right men for you out there, and your job is to transform yourself into the happiest, most self-loving woman you can so your Mr. Right can FIND you and SEE you! Love, Rori

Love, Rori

Monday, 7 May 2012 @ 9:58am
908: Rori Raye says:

eve – this is exactly what Toxic Men is about…how when we don’t acknowledge, appreciate, hear, and love all the voices and parts inside us (our inner Stranger) – we draw it in from the outside, from men in the world, and then we enroll ourselves into a dynamic of punishment, instead of harmony, happiness and love. Love, Rori

Monday, 7 May 2012 @ 10:00am
909: eve says:

Thank you so much Rori for your comment!
It helped me to better see one thing:
I have been a cold, cynical, afraid to love, emotionally unavailable and commitment phobic person – of course, there were situations/people involved that brought me there but I was the one attracting them…
Many months ago I met someone online – he has everything that I love in me (so I can love them in him) + my itchy parts that I believe I have managed to overcome….Now, I got the part with if he is cold, you can be the warm one and lie to you that you have changed…BIG insight.
However, I am warm, open, affectionate…with him I operate from my best self and it worked…he opens up, he shares, he tells me feelings without me being the therapist or asking for my help. We both have grown a lot…
I was pacient and understanding with him trying to become a better man (his wish) and to put things in order because I know that this is what I would have needed and wanted when I was like him.
I was there when he came back after running away because I knew that this is what I needed when I was like him.
We have met in person…it was a bliss but in the same, I was sooo afraid that I won;t be able to manage it, that I will be hurt/lose myself.
Apparently my fear and panic triggered his one or it could have been the other way round.
We communicate eventhough I feel he fights his fears, he fights his feelings. I am trying to be the strong anchor and let him come when he feels strong enough (nothing sexually has happened yet and I won’t go there until I feel really secure and cared)
BUT, I am also very afraid that my own insecurities, fears,etc will kill what we have build together.

Any thoughts would help.

Monday, 7 May 2012 @ 8:46pm
910: lovescript says:

dear Rori,of course I dont want to wasre my energi on him anymore,and i do try your programs and I noticed that there are a ton of feelings inside me from years!this man lives in the same building as me and i see him with his gurlfriend and we study the same class too,so I have something to deal with!Shall I move from here?Shall I change school?Shall I be strong and deal with it?very hard.I guess it is some way for my subconsious to say that I had to face this right now to be able to move on(I font think i have ever cried so much in my life and he hurt my feelings too bad without even try to fix it)but now I have to move on and that is difficult,it feels like he is EVERYWHERE.I hurt him too,but I dont have a boyfriend (yet…)i really dont know what to do right now.i cannot move today and i cannot quit school today and I dont want to see him.

Monday, 7 May 2012 @ 10:53pm
911: lovescript says:

It is not as simple as he left me for another girl because he tried everything he could to get me for months and I rejected him in every way until one day I started to open up a little(I was closed,using only my masculine energy and intellect,no feelings just talking talking) and then he probably had started to date this girl already because I rejected him and then when I started again with my intellectual things he had enough and tok her instead.That can of course mean it could never work out anyway,becsuse right after that I found your website and now I can see the big picture and I can see that he could never reach in to me( he often said You must open up a little,but I never understood what he meant).He called me My love once,but still then I just was nor able at all.So I guess I have to give that up now,let him be happy with his girl and see if theres another man waiting for me…it is just so difficult and I am so angry with him too,but I am angry with myself,I know that is ALL I am really …and very sad,very very sad

Tuesday, 8 May 2012 @ 12:12am
912: lovescript says:

It is better now,I got deep into my feelings of sadness and emptinesd.I think we create situations with men to heal ourselfes.Today I was suddenly back in my real shape sgdin after weeks of sadness and despair.sitting by the listening to Debussy and reading Twilight made me happy and I think I have learned the message…

Tuesday, 8 May 2012 @ 1:30pm
913: heartbeat says:

What a great story in the main post! Some parts resonated strongly with me. I was recently involved with a man who is a psychotherapist – and who would scold me if I was feeling upset about stuff that didn’t even have anything to do with him. I felt lonely and angry. Hell, I still do – and I’m grateful for that because once upon a time I’d have believed his shit about how we shouldn’t rely on external validation – true, but not as an excuse for meanness in the emotional support wallet.

I have been reading Rori for years and she helped heal and change everything in the way I relate, speak, feel about myself, through her articles and CDs etc. So I let this guy go and tumbled through all my emotions for a few weeks till now. Im getting back into my art etc. I’ve just read this post and it couldn’t have come at a better time for me. Thank you!

PS not been posting for a couple of years, love to all you amazing women who are still around. xx

Saturday, 12 May 2012 @ 10:13pm
914: heartbeat says:

Subscribing

Saturday, 12 May 2012 @ 10:14pm
915: Maria says:

Rori,I have expressed my feelings now for some weeks.First,it was terrifying,I never thought the crying would end.It was tears from years and years and my heart became so empty I thought I d die.But now!What a release!I feel alive,I am happy,I make good desicions,I kiss my son all the time,I feel really satisfied Even though my man is not here yet.I feel I can be happy all by myself!You can imagine how happy I am the universe sended me your words.I AM worth it!thank you!!!

Sunday, 13 May 2012 @ 12:14am
916: jean says:

would like to buy “strong surrender” . But I can’t find it please send me infomation on where I can buy it. Thank you

Sunday, 13 May 2012 @ 10:30am
917: Rori Raye says:

jean – so sorry – Strong Surrender is a concept – the major concept of ALL my work – and there isn’t (yet) a program with that title. STart with the ebook – and then get Modern Siren – it’s all about Strong Surrender… Love, Rori

Sunday, 13 May 2012 @ 6:01pm
918: Arrowofthyme says:

Starla and gals:

Tapping summit has tapping on breakups right now:

(tapping link removed by request)

Sunday, 13 May 2012 @ 6:53pm
919: sharlene says:

i have read your emails, sounds good but how could it applys to me. this guy i really like is very sexy, nice, he can to my house a couple of times and thats it, we really enjoyed each other. but the only thing he do is text me every morning, every now and then we hold long conversation, i am thinking why do he try to stay in touch, why what ever we got dont go futher, why is he still checking up on me. what is he thinking, i really dont understand him. can you book help a hopeless relationship, i really call, but do he.

Sunday, 13 May 2012 @ 11:30pm
920: Rori Raye says:

sharlene, I’ve deleted your last name for your privacy…Welcome, and the problem here seems to me a real lack of experience with men. Men do all kinds of things we don’t understand, but when you Circular Date a lot – you start to get the patterns and stop placing so much importance on any particular men or behaviors. It doesn’t really matter WHY they do anything – if they’re not following through, dating you, wanting to be with you – then nothing else matters. And YES – the book will help you relate to men in a much better, warmer, more effective and romantic way – so that no matter what they’re doing – YOU know what to do to improve the situation. Love, Rori

Monday, 14 May 2012 @ 9:55am
921: Casey says:

I am soo inspired by this story. I recently found out that the guy I came out of two years of celebacy for was NOT The ONE!! He was toxic, he gave me an STD and acts like nothing happened. I kick myself for being stupid enough, (really vulnerable) to allow myself to loose control in the moment with him. He was someone I had admired for a long time at work, We were friendly and I thought he was married. He thought I was involved with someone and we had a conversation one day before a meeting an realized we were both avialable! Wow what a moment. I will never forget that first kiss. Wow, he is really good at that and more. But I wasn’t paying close enough attention to the warning signs and now I am clearer than ever about
paying attention, droping the toxic men, making room for someone who deserves my time and attention, and taking care of myself. Then when the right man presents himself I’ll be ready.
Casey

Saturday, 21 July 2012 @ 8:55pm
922: Casandra says:

Wow…I was just about to give up on love and shut down my heart forever. I have not had one positive relationship in my life and I am 37 yrs old, with four children; (2 high school) and (2 in college). I thought love did not exists anymore and the only thing I desire to be is in a loving relationship and get married. But after reading this and following up on the post to Allison, I am feeling inspired to keep going and keep hope alive. I am so happy for you Allison and I hope you gain double happiness than what you lost before!

Thursday, 27 September 2012 @ 2:37pm
923: Edith says:

I have known my partner for 13plus yrs and have been together for 7yrs. We have 3 wonderful children. He is a great father to all 3. Unfortunately he drinks every weekend. I can’t remember a weekend that he has not drank. He is not violent to niether the kids or I. This is my nightmare! I honestly thought that when the children came he would stop! He has slowed down a little. The problem is that I have so much anger and resentment towards him. I can’t stand him when he is drunk!!! I completely shut down. We can go up to 2-3 weeks without speaking. I get so angry that I have thoughts of leaving him. Each time this happens I have to reset myself and think about our children. I’m a stay at home mom. I don’t have any income to support myself or my children. Please Rori I need advise.

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 2:35pm
924: Rori Raye says:

Edith – please, please, please start going to Al-Anon meetings. They are everywhere. You have to learn to talk to your kids about this, you have to stop investing your energy in and against what he does except for making sure the kids are safe with him – there are a host of logistical problems you need to face and you need professional help and support and guidance to do it. Al-Anon will explain exactly what’s happening and what you need to do to protect yourself. Then, if you can afford it, go to a one-on-one counselor who specializes in this. You may want to find counseling for your children, who are certainly unsettled by his behavior and your anger. I believe Al-Anon has programs for them, also – for the whole family.

Additionally – you HAVE to find a source of income for yourself. Some kind of employment or online business (unless he’s wealthy enough to support you and the children for a few years if you should leave him).

Do you really think your children are better off with parents who don’t speak to each other and a very unhappy mother and drunk father than they would be if you separated, and he was forced to become sober in order to be alone with them? You truly need to investigate all of your options, and the way of dealing with this situation that offers you the highest possible return. Love, Rori

Friday, 19 October 2012 @ 6:42pm

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