Here’s one of the most spectacular success stories I’ve ever received, from Allison. I found her request for private coaching with me lost in my mailbox, months later. Here’s her original letter:
“Rori, I recently purchased “The Modern Siren” and oh boy has it rocked my world. I need and want your help but at this point I don’t have much faith that what I am involved with can be saved.
I am 35 years old and have been with my husband since I was 23. I did not have much experience with men when we met. He is 17 years older than I am and for the past 6 years of our marriage his sexual desire has become non existent. In the beginning, I was really confused. I tried losing weight, bought sexy clothes, tried talking it to death then ignoring it and leaving it alone. Eventually I began an affair. I felt so neglected and alone and had so many needs and urges that I could no longer go without human contact and interaction.
I had been laid off of a very good corporate job and decided to pursue real estate which had always been a goal and passion of mine. My first day at the new office I met who would soon become my lover. He was also older, handsome, aggressive, attentive, detail oriented and most importantly he was the pursuer. He pursued and I gave in.
Shortly there after he wanted me to leave my husband and move in with him and everything was moving so fast I just shut down. I was all of the things in The Modern Siren. I was only available for limited amounts of time. I rarely called him or reached out to him. He had to schedule time with me way in advance. I never initiated anything. Now, the only reason I was behaving this way was because I was married. Had I not been married I would have probably done all of the wrong things.
This man is constantly crashing his boat for me. But being that I was and am married I just became increasingly confused and torn. Torn between hope of saving my marriage and fear of leaving it all for this new person that I wasn’t quite sure of. I believe my husband to be a good man, honest, trustworthy, reliable.
But very emotionally unavailable, selfish, hurtful, and uncaring at times. I have been begging for sex, love and intimacy for so many years and just could not take the rejection any longer. He would just say “its not you, its me, i just have no desire, i am depressed”.
As time went on, my lover became increasing impatient with me. When his love and all of his actions didn’t get the result he wanted, he would at times “threaten” to call my husband and out the relationship.
I became so fearful that I would pacify this person to keep the peace. This only created anger and resentment towards the new guy because I felt like I wasn’t making the choice to be with him because that was what I actually wanted but rather because I was fearful that if I did not comply that he would tell my husband.
When the new guy is angry at me or we have an argument and I hang up or remove myself from the situation, he shows up at my house, calls hundreds of times, demands that I pick up his call or he will tell my husband. When this person is not threatening me, he is charming, attentive, loving, giving. He always wants to cook for me, open doors for me, take me places, do everything and anything for me.
Completely opposite from my husband. Because of the threats he makes when we fight or something doesn’t go his way, it scares me and i cannot enjoy or accept the good things. When he is kind and loving and considerate, what goes through my head is “watch out, be careful, at any moment he could use this information against you, at any moment he could flip out”.
I have tried explaining my feelings about things till I am blue in the face. Yet he continues to threaten me because it works. If we argue and I say “I am hanging up now, I need to cool down”. He will say “don’t you dare hang up on me or I will come to your house and cause a scene”. I get scared and do as he asks. Then I feel hatred towards him on the inside that I am being forced to do this.
So back to my husband. I believe that because he is in his fifties that possibly he has had a drop in testosterone and some of his issues are chemical imbalances. However, only he can take action. I have tried talking to him so many times. I have shared my feelings about everything. He works when he works and that is it.
I do everything else that needs to be done to manage our lives. I feel alone. I don’t feel loved or protected or cared for by him. Yet somehow keep clinging to the marriage. I am 35 and desperately want to have children.We found out several years ago that because of his sperm our chances naturally are low but high with insemination.
He did not want to do that. Mostly because of the expense. It has truly devastated me. If he loved me and knows how much being a mother means to me, why wouldn’t he want to help make that happen for me?
When I express my needs or feelings he just says “I am sorry you feel that way, I am sorry you have wasted your life with me, you deserve better”. What do I say to that?
Basically I feel I am in two very toxic relationships. For all the madness with the lover, he at least engages with me. He talks, he reads, he tries. My husband does nothing. We could be in the same place day in and day out and he would never say a word to me. Never ask me a question. Never offer to do or to give anything to me or for me.
We just occupy the same space. We are having sex perhaps once a year. And its just a 5 minute act. No connection, no intimacy, nothing. At this point, I don’t want sex with my husband. He doesn’t know me, understand me or my body. You say to never give more than what your man is giving. If that were the case in my marriage, nothing would ever happen.
He never initiates anything. In fact, that is how we stopped having sex. I hated always initiating physical contact. So I stopped. I wanted to see what would happen.
What happened was that 7 months went by without so much as a glance at my naked body prancing around the house. In fact, one time my husband bragged about being able to go longer than I could without sex.
I’m just in this stuck place. I don’t know how to get out of it or make anything better. My husband looks so sad and pathetic. Most of the time when I look at him I want to cry. He is quite negative and sees everything negative. Anything that comes up he always sees what could go wrong and even projects it as if its reality instead of a possibility.
I feel overwhelming sadness. I have so much love to give and so much to offer. So much so that I feel the lover wants to smother me and hide my light from the rest of the world. He is so jealous and controlling and says its only because of the triangle.
He says if we were in a normal relationship he would not be this way because there would be no third party dynamic. I don’t know if I believe this. He is jealous of everyone in my life, including other woman.
Yesterday, I mentioned meeting someone that was a drummer. This person is a friend of my girlfriend. I mentioned chatting with this person about getting guitar lessons. Before I could even finish what I was saying my lover said “oh you asked him about guitar lessons? sounds like a pick up line to me?”
So my lover was saying that me asking this guy about the cost of guitar lessons was me really trying to come on to this guy. I just sat there utterly confused as to how me asking about lessons translated to me trying to pick this guy up.
This lover has made me see things in my husband that I didn’t know were there. My husband is much more gentle and understanding and not controlling in the least. Its like I have two complete opposites.
I have my husband who completely ignores me and is disconnected in every way, and then i have this crazy lover who is so intense and controlling and aggressive and makes me feel smothered.
Yet, I gravitate towards the smothering because even though we fight most of the time, its still feels better than being ignored. The yelling still feels like we are engaging unlike at home where there is just silence.
My husband has all the self help books. That was part of what attracted me to him. The Celestine Prophecy and all that good stuff. Yet he uses it all against me. Anytime I ask anything of him, or state a need or desire, he just flips it back on me and says “you are responsible for your own life and happiness. Pat your own self on the back, give your own self credit. Stop looking to me for these things.”
I just remember feeling so deflated. What he is saying seems like it makes sense, but made me feel so empty and sad inside. As if me asking my husband for support or kind words of encouragement was somehow wrong and its my responsibility to give words of encouragement to myself.
This past 12 months has been so emotionally challenging. My mother died when I was a child so I have few family left that I am close with. One was an Uncle that lives in England. He died recently and I was truly devastated. My husband could not go with me to the funeral because his passport was expired and he refuses to update it for political reasons. So I had to deal with that trip alone. In a foreign country with people I had not seen in years in a very distraught state of mind. But I did it.
Then I returned home only to learn that my sister-in-law was very very ill. She is the mother to my 6 year old little niece. I then traveled down south to help out all that I could. My brother was emotionally broken down at the thought that the mother was dying and he would soon be raising a little girl all by himself. When I thought my sister in law was better and out of the hospital, I returned home. One week later my brother called to tell me the mother had died. I was so devastated, for me and more so for my niece.
I could not believe that my mother died when I was a child and now here I have a niece that is going to go through the same experience. I so badly needed support. Yet my husband was no where to be found. He did not travel with me down south, nor did he attend that funeral. Again, his license was expired and he refuses to renew it. Its almost like a form of political protest.
Shortly thereafter, my grandmother died. The only other woman I had known growing up. So three funerals, all very significant people in my life and all three things I attended and dealt with alone. But when I express a need for support, all I get is “you must be responsible for your own life and happiness.” I just feel empty and angry that this man has had the best years of my life. Now what.
I don’t know if there is hope, but perhaps you can help me. I am thinking I might need to buy the DVD on Toxic Men next.
I responded when I saw her email to me, apologized for it taking so long, and asking for an update. This is what she wrote me:
Thank you for getting back to me. I did end up buying Toxic Men.
I ended up leaving both toxic relationships. I first ended the affair which caused the guy to stalk me and eventually make a scene in public. I was able to get a permanent restraining order against him. Then I moved out of the home I owned and got my own place. My ex husband still lives there and pays me rent.
He was devastated and never thought I would actually leave. It was really hard financially but my happiness and peace of mind was worth it.
I started working on me and healing myself and learning who I was again. I ended up losing a lot of weight, getting a great new job and then poof an amazing man came into my life.
There was a huge fire at my condo building where I own, where my ex lives. I was called to come right away as I am on the board. One of the responding police officers was smitten by me and asked me out. I thought to myself now is the time to practice all that I have learned from Rori Raye. Its only been two months and this man is crashing his boat all over the place.
He is much younger than me (24) and so I know financially he doesn’t make a lot. However I let him lead. We had a few dates where all we did was drive around and go sit at a look-out spot. Many of my girlfriends ask me why I don’t take him out to dinner etc and pick up the tab. Clearly they need to read The Modern Siren!
On Valentines Day I knew he probably didn’t have much money so I didn’t push the issue and I didn’t buy him anything. He came to pick me up and said “Is it ok if we just drive and sit at the harbor.” I said “As long as I am with you it doesn’t matter what we do”. He bought me a little bear and actually made me chocolate covered strawberries. When he dropped me off he grabbed my face and said “Thank you for not buying me anything, seriously.”
I realized then that had I bought him something it probably would have overshadowed what he did for me. The fact that I didn’t buy him anything made him feel so great and like the little that he did was a lot, and it was.
He is not your average 24 year old and with all honesty he has been more of a man to me than any older man I have been with.
I unfortunately lost a good friend through this process. We were both studying Rori’s stuff but only I actually put it into action. My best friend just couldn’t do it. She had the knowledge but resorted to “buying” her men. The more success she saw me have the more distant she became. And now we don’t even speak. I am sad for her because I am living proof that this information works!
I manifested an amazing man who can’t get enough of me and wants to give me all that he has. He has already asked me to be exclusive and said next year we are getting married.
My best friend on the other hand met a great guy, moved him in 2 weeks later, took him to fancy dinners, bought him expensive clothes and other gifts and after a month it was over. He said he was no longer attracted to her. To this day she is still trying to win him back with gifts. So sad. She has completely taken on the masculine role and she doesn’t see that is why he’s no longer attracted to her. But she thinks if she does more, buys more, gives more, he will come back.
I am so grateful to be writing this email. My birthday is on Friday and my new guy is planning a big surprise. My ex never did anything special for my bday in 10 years.
My new guy has the spare key for my place, although this is MY place. He is working the 4pm to midnight shift. When I came home at 7pm he had covered my whole apartment with sticky notes each saying something beautiful. “I love you, I adore you, I miss you, I need you, I will never leave your side, see what our love is making me do”.
I just sat there and cried. The love and joy is just so overwhelming and long overdue.
I hope you can use my story to inspire someone else that may be where I was.
I just want to make sure now that I have this wonderful man, that I do the rights things to keep him!
Thank you so much,
I just wanted to post this so you could see that this can HAPPEN for you! No matter WHERE you’re starting from!