After 35 Years Of Marriage It Ends Badly – What Now?

“Hi Rori, I feel so helpless. I was happily married for 35 yrs, when one day my husband made some bad business decisions, involved my family in it, and our marriage was destroyed. I had a childhood friend that had gone through a divorce of 33 yrs and I was trying to help him through it for a year before my divorce. When I was going through my divorce he was my strength and we talked day and night.

He had a live in girlfriend that he complained so much about I couldn’t figure why he kept her. One week he came into my city for training and we both felt sparks.It was so intense for me I couldn’t believe it. He went back moved his girl out and asked me to marry him. We live 12 hours away from each other and our talks continued. Our first disagreement he moved her back and said he regretted it…but kept her.

I started dating someone else and he got jealous..I tried to love this new guy but all that kept me tied to him was that he kissed just like my first guy. He felt it and it ended. The moment my first guy found out he wrote me a long love letter and said he would not risk losing me again and again marriage plans were made. The date was set and we met for a beautiful weekend at the beach where he was to give me my ring.

Instead I found out he hadn’t told his live in girl about his decision and even said “Give her some dignity” needed time..I broke it off and ignored him for 4 months but I can’t let him go. I have tried so many times..No one compares to how I feel for him. I know you will say let him go…but how???? Please tell me how..We have so many things in common..I wish I could date a lot of men like you say but at 56 it is hard..We are ‘friends’ now but he knows how I really feel. He says he is confused.Everyone tells me I am a fool..I am addicted..help! Millie”

My Answer:

Dear Millie,

There is no such thing as a “confused” man when it comes to love.

At least not a confused GOOD man.

Your man seems perfectly content to play you like a yo-yo.

Though it seems he can’t seem to choose between this other woman and you, it seems to me he’s playing each of you off the other.

It may seem like she’s the one getting the short end of the stick, and that he loves you but is simply “confused,” – but to me it seems like his relationship with that other girl is the one that’s sticking, and you come into the picture only when that one goes bad for a spell.

Ignoring him is the only way to go, so I congratulate you.

And dating other men is the only way to go.

Believe me – 56 is young!

I work with women of 66 and up, and they have as much or more success than anyone.

It’s all in your attitude, and how willing you are to use my techniques.

***This is pretty much a conversation starter.

Have you ever felt addicted and completely “out-to-sea” like Millie? Can you feel for her – or is your immediate instinct to judge her?

I identify totally with the humiliating experience of ignoring all kinds of signals, getting taken in, and fooled – though not this close to a “ring.”

How about you?

Love, Rori

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647 Comments to “After 35 Years Of Marriage It Ends Badly – What Now?”

  1. 1: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    first111

    Monday, 1 August 2011 @ 7:39am

  2. 2: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    lol

    that felt triggring

    Monday, 1 August 2011 @ 7:39am

  3. 3: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    my first instinct – judge her

    now what?

    feeling agressive today

    Monday, 1 August 2011 @ 7:41am

  4. 4: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i also feel for her

    also this reminds me of my situation with Guywho when he had a live in gf

    Monday, 1 August 2011 @ 7:42am

  5. 5: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    fuchk fuchk fuchk!!! i feel like cussing!!! i feel energetic and RARRH and i don’t even know what this is about!!!

    im feelking confused about it it might not even be my energy!!

    but RARRRGH

    i feel like attacking just because i feel like RARRGH

    get off me how dare you attack me ugh

    feelig ANGRY eff fu

    efff u u fake ass traitor!!!

    eff u

    i love me

    Monday, 1 August 2011 @ 7:58am

  6. 6: la chiquita bonitaNo Gravatar says:

    I feel angry. I feel angry because I can relate. Its so frustrating when I am stuck and when I want something so bad. Its like our head plays all kinds of tricks on us when we love someone..we could find an excuse for all the bull that a man can do. Its clear cut like rori says a good man isnt confused when it comes to feelings. But when we cant accept that we get all “psychologist” and want to explain/ rationalize/ and understand the man so that we feel good and fill in the empty gaps with creative information that we made up. “hes scared” “he really loves me thats why he wont commit because of how scared he is to that love” “hes just being patient and letting a good thing take time so that he wont mess it up” ” he saving me for later and having his fun now might as well let him so he can get it out of his system” ” we are meant to be because we tie our shoelace the same lmao” …
    I feel angry with myself because I am her and have been her many times. Its annoying and Im just frustrated to have to work so hard inside my thoughts. I feel better thinking its my creativity energy tunneled in the wrong way, i should just focus on my music and dancing and fun creativity and put the men to freakin work let them sit at home trying to figure out how to get me not the other way around!

    Monday, 1 August 2011 @ 7:59am

  7. 7: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    fuchk u for not getting my dreams!

    fuchk you for not gtting me meme emmememe and turning on me when i fuchkin LOVED u ugh i HATE you now and i want to calll you a bitch but i won’t becaus i FUCHKIN like the word BITCH

    its so fchikn powerful and earthly WOLFESS sexual BITCH

    UGHH

    i can’t even use it as an insult

    BUAAAHHHH

    EFFF UUUU

    Monday, 1 August 2011 @ 8:00am

  8. 8: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i like that about my creativity energy tunneled the wrong way – i conceptualize the same – love your wording

    Monday, 1 August 2011 @ 8:02am

  9. 9: la chiquita bonitaNo Gravatar says:

    thanks Daria! yeah i learned it in therapy I feel really good about it too because it turns a neg to a positive I was beating myself up because I start to circle around my thoughts and also “fill in the space” with my own ideas that I make up…especially in relationships.
    When the therapist told me Im really creative I wanted to hug her because I felt so good to feel like Im not atleast that crazy and it can be a good thing if channeled the right way. I feel good telling you this I feel healing and I feel you are a great person to tell. I feel excited with this concept!

    Monday, 1 August 2011 @ 8:42am

  10. 10: PatriciaNo Gravatar says:

    I can totally relate to “Millie’s” situation Rori….getting out of a marriage is perfect breeding ground for a quick intense affair to help us feel better…..we attract what we think we need but it’s often a rebound relationship…..and it often involves someone who’s just as confused, though it may be from different dynamics in their own situation….after my separation there were a couple of men (unhappy in their marriages) who got involved with me……it made me feel better…..made them feel better……and it was intense! but after a few months it felt unsettling especially when it becomes clear that things aren’t all we imagine them to be……this can be very painful…..

    I think once there’s a separation there needs to be individual time to lick one’s wounds and heal…..6 months to a year of well invested time in ones self to reinvent life……….divorce proceedings can get held up and delay things…..but a clear mind and clear open heart is the only way to begin anew in my view…….

    just my two cents…. :)

    Monday, 1 August 2011 @ 8:43am

  11. 11: alias girlNo Gravatar says:

    thank you, rori, for providing this information in the way that you do with the love that you do.

    omg. i feel so appreciative.

    my life feel so full of potential to me so often.

    and almost all (all?) the men i interact with that poof or do weird things… come back to try again.

    thirdtry cd just texted and asked if i wanted to go for a hike?

    huh?

    and i feel so ok with all this. even the really weird ones who would have felt super toxic before now it’s more like i cock my head and think “hmmm that is some interesting behavior.”

    and i feel compassion and sometimes amusement because i have displayed some very interesting behavior of my own at different moments… lol.

    i feel accepting and appreciative and excited to start my day today. :)

    Monday, 1 August 2011 @ 9:04am

  12. 12: CamilleNo Gravatar says:

    Good Morning Sirens!
    Just wanted to post I had a major breakthrough yesterday………..was able to stay grounded and use Roris tools through out the day (which could have turned ugly at several moments had I not been AWARE)………IN A NUTSHELL………used the tools and my evening ended with making love (its been a while) and a good morning kiss and “have a great day”……..its been months since that occured. I am so excited and happy ……….ITS WORKING! ITS WORKING! AND ONCE IT CLICKED IN MY MIND IT IS EVER SO EASY!

    Monday, 1 August 2011 @ 9:05am

  13. 13: NadiaNo Gravatar says:

    I can relate to Millie as well. From my experience, it sounds like she is putting too much importance in having a man, rather than finding happiness within herself. To commit herself to a confused man, one who doesn’t have clarity about the certainty of his love for her, sounds like settling. Millie deserves no less than to feel cherished and adored by her man, without sharing him.

    Monday, 1 August 2011 @ 9:09am

  14. 14: CorinNo Gravatar says:

    My first instinct was definitely to judge this lady, firstly for the way the end of her marriage was described and then for getting into a new one when he had a live in girlfriend. I have ignored signs that all was not well in the past. My most serious ex was taking me to look at houses to buy, discussing how far they were away from schools for our future kids, etc. Then he broke up with me in a manner that I told myself was completely out of the blue and in a very cold manner. I then continued telling myself the story that I’m the girl who always gets dumped for the next two years and subsequent break ups. It’s really only in the last couple of weeks that I’ve been able to more fully accept my part to play. Often the men were simply the ones who had the courage to say what I was already feeling.

    I’m starting to believe that this only occurs when we remains in our heads and keep telling ourselves some fantasy of what’s going on rather than remaining in our feelings and being honestly present with what actually is.

    Monday, 1 August 2011 @ 9:14am

  15. 15: CamilleNo Gravatar says:

    now for a second post, on the topic. LOL
    I can so relate to Millie also and completely agree with Patricia, at the end of a marriage it is so nice to fall into the first possibility of a relationship and they are intense because we are so emotional at that time and so yearning for everything we were living without for so long. I know for me some PASSION was a biggie. And just as the universal law states I attracted some, everything I attracted was extreme…….extremely good and extremely bad in other areas. I think when you are going through a divorce its such a great time of self discovery again and looking back when I was searching for my self……I found it all the good, the bad, the ugly, all of it, but I’m thankful for every single experience I had with myself, it was such a wonderful discovery.

    Monday, 1 August 2011 @ 9:15am

  16. 16: NadiaNo Gravatar says:

    Corin, you said it. Being honestly present with what is going on is key for me. I’ve lived in the fantasy of potential way too often. This seems to be what Millie is stuck in now. Once I began to value myself and what I really wanted for myself, it made it easier to stop dating men for their potential because that only got me frustration. But doing so requires honesty with yourself and with others!

    Monday, 1 August 2011 @ 9:29am

  17. 17: DENo Gravatar says:

    I don’t feel like judging Millie…I feel like giving her a big bear hug…filled with compassion and love…her story reminds me of parts of myself…

    It feels beautiful to be able to love…to fall in love…
    even the pain that comes from feelings of disappointment, hurt, etc…it feels cleansing…it takes you to a different realm of understanding and compassion of yourself and others…if u soo choose…

    Monday, 1 August 2011 @ 9:33am

  18. 18: DENo Gravatar says:

    ups…subscribing

    Monday, 1 August 2011 @ 9:34am

  19. 19: EmoticonNo Gravatar says:

    What a coincidence.

    I feel so happy and relieved that this is the post for today. I jus got through texting this guys “other girl” and I feel so happy that we can see eye to eye and help each other.

    She let me know what he was saying to her and I let her know what he was saying to me.

    I feel relieved that i no longer have to waste my time on him n his bullshxt. Like i told her he has a lot of growing up 2 do. He is confused and not fit to be wit me at all.

    She agreed wit me and said she is done with him. So am I. I do not feel good about having to be in a situation where I am sharing a man with another girl every time he goes down south on vacation.

    I can definitely relate to Millie. I do not judge her at all. I feel very sympathetic for her. I feel grateful to Rori for addressing this today. I wish i could send a link to the girl i was talking to. I feel like really sending it to her. Because a GOOD man is not confused about his feelings and we both deserve GOOD men. I feel like she is a great girl and feel bad for both of us being lied to and played like that.

    Monday, 1 August 2011 @ 9:34am

  20. 20: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    Hello world. I’m thankful that August has arrived and I’m feeling happy and excited.

    Yippee! Going to read Rori post now…

    :D

    xoxo

    Monday, 1 August 2011 @ 9:35am

  21. 21: DENo Gravatar says:

    Brenda:

    Gosh, i read your post on the other thread :) I feel sooo happy to hear that !!!! Yes, yes, yes…it’s happening!!! Abundance and happiness for Brenda!!

    Warm hugs,

    Monday, 1 August 2011 @ 9:35am

  22. 22: CamilleNo Gravatar says:

    Alias girl,
    I was reading your older post from this weekend about riffing and I wanted to share, dont think that putting those feelings out there are detrimental “riffing” is very much like doing a wheel of appreciation” to get back into the vortex. just keep going until you find a better thought, and the next better feeling thought. Its necessary to feel all the emotions because that is your guidance scale for being in the vortex

    Monday, 1 August 2011 @ 9:39am

  23. 23: DENo Gravatar says:

    Wowwww…

    I read some posts here and compare it to mine…gosh, so revealing…

    I notice feeling judgmental of others behavior when i have unfinished “business” and negative energy within myself around an issue…

    Now, I finally connect with the place where Tinque’s love and acceptance comes from…how beautiful and peaceful it feels…

    Monday, 1 August 2011 @ 9:45am

  24. 24: AreialNo Gravatar says:

    WONDERFUL POINT!!!!!!!!!!!!! (needed this)

    Monday, 1 August 2011 @ 10:34am

  25. 25: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @689: la chiquita bonita
    Playing around with makeup sounds like fun. I plan to do that soon…

    @676: ice Princess
    IMHO, pass on that guy. He’s married with children and baggage. He also might be one of the guys who makes a hobby of collecting photos of women online…

    @Jade
    I’m not in a clique on the blog. I missed the “free offer” you referred to. I didn’t comment on your post about your LD relationship because you mentioned it had already ended.

    However, on second thought I’ll say that if the guy was limiting your contact to one phone call a week due to distance, that is not necessary. I might jump off on this topic with a long post later this summer. Although keeping flames burning bright might require face to face physical presence, there can be a lot of ember fanning to keep things white hot in the meantime. Skype is very easy to use and free. You could “have coffee together” every morning if you wish…

    :D

    xoxo

    Monday, 1 August 2011 @ 10:50am

  26. 26: PatriciaNo Gravatar says:

    SLV
    “Although keeping flames burning bright might require face to face physical presence, there can be a lot of ember fanning to keep things white hot in the meantime. Skype is very easy to use and free. You could “have coffee together” every morning if you wish…”

    I appreciate these comments……reminding us that relationships have more options than ever to help us stay connected…..

    well….I opened myself up to more dating this summer after reading Rori’s material…..I live in a smaller urban centre about 75,000 people and the next bigger city is easily 3 hrs away….no one was showing up in this city for me and my job leaves a good number of them “off limits” due to conflict of interest…..so lo and behold I got back into eharmony and after a month or so after 30 matches….a fellow who lives 7hrs away has taken great interest……..after emails and some texts and first phone calls…he now texts throughout the day, emails when we feel like it (which is almost each day…sending photos etc.) and we chat nightly/every second nigh or so……and HE”s amazing! And I don’t mean that I [‘m projecting all this stuff onto him…I’m following many of Rori’s ideas and they work marvellously…and he responds in kind. We will meet (he is driving here) in less than two weeks and it feels promising….yes with both feet on my ground…..his words were “there is something at the end of this road that I’ll travel on to see you that I find very interesting and I’m not going to let distance get in the way”……wow……if we meet and it goes well……I’m going to have to think about my hesitation for LD relationships….you remind me that in this day and age they are not the same as they were 10-20 years ago………there’s something actually modern about them for a middle age couple that each has a business to run, an elderly parent to be near……can’t just up and move right away….have to let life evolve….I like the idea of letting relationships grow organically like has been explained here on the blog…….

    SLV I hope you jump off with this topic here on the blog sooner than late summer!!!

    :)

    Monday, 1 August 2011 @ 11:14am

  27. 27: CorinNo Gravatar says:

    23- DE.

    Yes, that’s very much the awareness that I’m currently gaining. I will be able to release judgements when I have acceptance of my own stuff and stop giving my power away to men and hating on them for abusing what they did with what was not theirs to have anyway.

    Monday, 1 August 2011 @ 11:15am

  28. 28: alias girlNo Gravatar says:

    #22 camille thank you. :) i feel ease and smiling to read that and i resonate with what you wrote. i like how you tied riffing back to abraham and the focus wheel or wheel of appreciation. i feel more solid that riffing is beneficial to get back to happy. :) and i feel happy about that!

    Monday, 1 August 2011 @ 12:33pm

  29. 29: EmoticonNo Gravatar says:

    Never ME again. I feel like he has done this b4. I’m the the “constant one” but every time something goes wrong he runs 2 the arms of someone else n then comes back apologetic and begging for forgiveness and TRUST> How can I trust U? how can any of these girls trust you? At the end of every break u 4get about them and your back here?? You have no place here any more. i am IGNORING the SHIT outta him henceforth.

    Monday, 1 August 2011 @ 12:36pm

  30. 30: alias girlNo Gravatar says:

    i had a meeting today at ten that was really for tomorrow but it had been a miscommunication and

    and

    i responded in a way that i feel really good about and i got a really nice gentle, respectful, response back.

    and

    it worked out perfect because i ran into this person that felt great to catch up with and i wouldn’t have seen her if not for the ‘error.’

    aw. i feel so cared for.

    oh and i was trying new behavior and this girl was sharing all these things with me and i started to go back to “only a listener” mode and started to feel bad.

    then when there was a nice opening i shared that i felt panic about a certain situation in my life and this person was so kind and encouraging and generous with her time. and i felt POSSIBILITY within human relations again.

    and i felt very proud of taking a risk, opening up, being vulnerable and receiving.

    yae. :)

    Monday, 1 August 2011 @ 12:37pm

  31. 31: LuzydelNo Gravatar says:

    I cannot identify how I feel….maybe hopeless. I just feel tired of meeting men who are “screwed” up emotionally. I am not here to heal a man. I know we all have issues, but when can I meet a man with self awarness and no hidden agendas who is willing to have a relationship with me. I don’t mind cding, but I feel frustrated and lonely, but I cannot jump into a mans arms if he is not healing like I am.

    Monday, 1 August 2011 @ 12:48pm

  32. 32: FlowerChild77No Gravatar says:

    I didn’t feel the need to judge Millie. Being married for 35 years must feel like a ‘lifetime’—and I can only imagine how hard it is to move on. Becoming so deeply attached to to the first man she gets involved with afterward seems very understandable. I think it’s wonderful that she found Rori!

    FW, you posted a link in #397 in the last thread. When I click on it, I get a blank page with the link you gave in the address bar. It seems to be a pdf document. I’m very interested to know what it is that you posted. :-(

    Brenda…I’m SO happy for you! Your post about your latest CD made me really smile!

    Jeannette…((((HUGS)))) to you. My first husband passed away at 41 and I still miss him to this day. Of course it does get easier as time goes by, but the feelings are still very real. We were also young sweethearts (he was seven years my senior, but I was only 14 and still in HS when we met.) We had two sons together and my oldest son, now 31, looks SO eerily like his dad that it ‘spooks’ me sometimes. I do believe he was my soul mate and I can very much relate to what you must be feeling. (I don’t believe in just one soul mate for each of us—that would be crazy…and quite depressing. There are many, for each of us to choose from.)

    He was also ill and I try to remind myself that he is no longer suffering and that he loved me so very much that I know he would want me to be happy and have a life full of love. And I’m sure the same thing is true about Steve for you… >3

    Monday, 1 August 2011 @ 1:02pm

  33. 33: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @FlowerChild77, I read Rori’s newsletter and it seems there is an indication that “questions” are OK, at least in some situations. The following wise words from Rori seem like something that I would do.

    I’d like to know that a man cares about my feelings. I’d like to know what he thinks about my expressed desires. I believe the question “What do you think?” is often included as part of an “FM.”

    Rori Raye: “Change Your Words To See If He’s Worth It” [excerpt]

    …You can talk about what it is you FEEL – that you feel good and warm when you’re connected in person and on the phone, and you don’t feel good when you’re not connected.

    You can actually come right out and say, specifically, that seeing him and hearing from him by phone at least four days a week is really important to you.

    Then you ask him where he is about that. You can ask him what he thinks. Ask him if he thinks there’s some way to make what you want and need happen for you.

    HIS ANSWERS WILL REVEAL WHAT HE’S TRULY CAPABLE OF

    If he doesn’t even want to make an effort to figure out how to make you feel better, then there’s your first clue that this man is not capable of real relationship…

    In fact, perhaps there is no “wrong.” Perhaps the way he is and the amount of effort he’s willing to put out for a real relationship is fine for some other women, but if it doesn’t do the job for you (and I don’t want you to tolerate not getting your needs met!), then it’s just not possible that HE’S for you…

    ~ Rori Raye
    ———————————
    :D

    xoxo

    Monday, 1 August 2011 @ 2:20pm

  34. 34: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Q: so tell me
    why is a beautiful woman like yourself on pof?

    dgirl: :)
    thank you for the compliment
    well it would feel great to meet men that are interested in me that i feel good around

    Q: i hear you on that
    shouldnt be hard but the problem is
    most guys on that site have zero manners and dont know how to treat a woman

    dgirl: ohhh
    that doesnt feel so good to hear

    Q: thats why i was wondering why u were on it

    dgirl: (headshake)
    it doesnt feel that bad to me

    Q: so i take you are talking to a lot of guys then
    ?

    dgirl: lol
    it feels weird being asked that
    !
    i dont feel good talking about other guys with a man

    Q: lol ya well guys dont feel good talking to a girl that may be talking to a bunch of other guys

    dgirl: really
    ouch

    Q: lol not an insult to you hun

    dgirl: that feels bad

    Q: just the truth

    dgirl: oh
    i feel turned off

    Q: want me to leave you alone?

    dgirl: im not sure what to say

    Q: well i wrote you because im interested in you
    but if you already arent interested in me or im bothering you
    just be honest and ill leave you alone

    dgirl: hmm
    i feel uncomfortable
    i did feel interested in you

    Q: i see

    dgirl: but i feel judged a bit and a bit angry

    Q: well i wasnt judging you
    but like i said
    if you really want me to leave you alone just say it

    dgirl: im feeling confused

    Q: idk why
    ur talking to a really great guy who has a lot going for himself and a lot to offer and you are ready to throw it out the window over a truthful statement?
    im the one who should be confused

    dgirl: im feeling confused
    and a bit defensive
    i dont want to stop talking if i will feel better
    and i appreciate very much your telling me the truth
    and.. im an attractive woman and single… and men in general seem to like me
    i dont want to feel judged about that

    Q: well i like you very much
    and i never meant to offend you
    but i am a professional athlete
    and i dont really wanna waste time talking to someone if they are talking to liek 20 other guys
    and thats not aimed at u, just in general

    dgirl: okay

    Q: u can understand where im coming from

    dgirl: im not sure i understand
    but i am single and there are way more than 20 men that are interested in me
    and im not looking for a boyfriend
    i want to be married and have a family
    so i plan on being single and open to meeting people until something serious comes up

    Q: do you have a cam?

    dgirl: yes

    Q: would u like to cam with each other?

    dgirl: okay :) that might feel better

    ****

    Q: hey hun
    im sorry for being a jerk to you

    dgirl: aww
    thank u for apologizing
    that feels really good

    Q: i just didnt wanna feel like an idiot but i didnt mean to make u feel bad
    i really do wanna get to know u

    dgirl: aww :)
    (h)
    i feel smily
    i feel like shocked… ina good way

    Monday, 1 August 2011 @ 2:48pm

  35. 35: FlowerChild77No Gravatar says:

    Wow, Daria! <3

    A perfect example of:

    Trust your boundaries
    Feel your feelings
    Use your words and…
    Be surprised!

    I'm happy for you and thank you so much for sharing the conversation. I like having examples to learn from :-)

    Monday, 1 August 2011 @ 2:57pm

  36. 36: DENo Gravatar says:

    Daria:

    Wow…that’s sooo awesome :)

    I love the part where u stay true to you…

    “but i am single and there are way more than 20 men that are interested in me
    and im not looking for a boyfriend
    i want to be married and have a family
    so i plan on being single and open to meeting people until something serious comes up”

    Yay…very inspiring :)

    Been using the no gf speech a lot lately…it felt so scary at first…now, i feel so much softer saying it…very nonchalantly and purrring my way through the speech…:)

    Warm hugs,

    Monday, 1 August 2011 @ 3:03pm

  37. 37: luzydelNo Gravatar says:

    So I get this eamil form an idot at POF!!! I feel so angry at it, Ifeel judged!

    “wow- you have been on this site for years- i cant believe your still on here .there must be major baggage there! ”

    Excuse me? I have been on POF for maybe about a year…Men can be so frigging judgmental…and who is he anyway? I don’t recall having any interaction with him.

    Monday, 1 August 2011 @ 3:09pm

  38. 38: CamilleNo Gravatar says:

    Daria,
    THANK YOU FOR SHARING! What a beautiful example
    I felt excited and smily just reading it and wanted to shoud YOU GO GIRL!

    Monday, 1 August 2011 @ 3:23pm

  39. 39: DENo Gravatar says:

    Sigh…

    I didn’t respond to my ex message on Sat morning…till today…and i said:

    “it feels bad to read J visit is an inconvenience (he said he was at a loss as in inconvenience for having to have J for a week – which he offered to our son not to me; i initially agreed to 3 days my son is on a training schedule) …i appreciate the thought to help…yet the best help one can give is first asking what is needed…if you can make arrangements to visit with our son beginning sat or Sunday please let us know by Wednesday…thank you”

    His 1st response was “go to hell” for not breaking my boundary and giving in to his “preferable schedule”…

    and then he followed with “I can’t understand your broken english (not capitalized). J is not an inconvenience – u are. if monday is no good for u then I am sorry for J and disgusted by u. Using J as a pawn in u sick game of life between u and u false god (not capitalized).”

    In the past, my heart will beat so fast…and anger will build up so much…it would turn into severe headache…:(

    And now, after all these years…i feel sad…a bit tearful…responding to his message “wow…i feel attacked and disrespected…” it actually made me feel better…also not giving in to accommodate his schedule and create uncomfortable moments for me it makes me feel grounded… (sweating on a Monday early morning for him to make it on time after driving over 150 miles drive…or cancelling the last minute sooo many times…)

    Nowadays, I often find compassion for him…the aggression/anger twds me is actually twds his own failures (projections of self)…and for that i only can offer compassion…but to maintain this compassion I have to honor at all times what feels right and good to me and our son…otherwise, the resentment will build up…and with that a growing and poisonous anger…

    Monday, 1 August 2011 @ 3:31pm

  40. 40: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    DE – wow that sounds so difficult to interact with him…i feel for you

    and… some tweaks, since you are going to be dealing with this man around your son…

    you attacked him by telling him what to do “and yet the best help is… ”

    and so that energy likely triggered him to an attack response

    with difficult men it feels so challenging… the smallest shift in energy triggers them…

    and sometimes even if we’re open and soft… theres still no controlling the outcome… and we feel awful when we feel attacked

    Monday, 1 August 2011 @ 3:46pm

  41. 41: tinqueNo Gravatar says:

    Hello Gorgeous Goddesses, I started a FB fan page. Would you please LIKE my page. Thank you…

    http://www.facebook.com/pages/Tinque-Sex-and-Heart/152539834823777?sk=wall

    xxoo

    Monday, 1 August 2011 @ 3:48pm

  42. 42: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    thanks ladies! i felt really good about the convo!

    Monday, 1 August 2011 @ 3:48pm

  43. 43: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    luzydel – i would go into my feelings with “wow i feel angry”

    even if i didn’t answer him

    Monday, 1 August 2011 @ 3:49pm

  44. 44: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @34: Daria says:
    “…dgirl: im not sure i understand
    but i am single and there are way more than 20 men that are interested in me
    and im not looking for a boyfriend
    i want to be married and have a family…”

    Go, Daria, go!!! :D

    xoxo

    Monday, 1 August 2011 @ 3:49pm

  45. 45: luzydelNo Gravatar says:

    Yes Daria I feel angry! I had a stressful day at work, Two guys I like are giving me mixed signals and I am feeling confused about; and all I wanted was to read a nice email from POF and feel hopefull again…

    Monday, 1 August 2011 @ 3:54pm

  46. 46: tinqueNo Gravatar says:

    luzydel – Yuck. This kind of message is just not worth your energy. It’s as much a lie as the nvs in your head. Next. Move on. Please don’t allow someone you have never met to tap into those lies.

    xxoo

    Monday, 1 August 2011 @ 3:59pm

  47. 47: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @37: luzydel says:
    “…’wow- you have been on this site for years- i cant believe your still on here .there must be major baggage there! ‘…”

    You have experienced a message from a deviant who arouses himself by sending these kinds of notes to random women; I doubt you have had any contact with him in the past.

    It’s nothing to do with you… just the hazards of online dating… like stepping in a little mud puddle after a rain shower in a lush green garden.

    :D

    xoxo

    Monday, 1 August 2011 @ 4:00pm

  48. 48: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    SLV – lol thanks!

    Monday, 1 August 2011 @ 4:08pm

  49. 49: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    luzydel – great for feeling and expressing those feelings

    i think Rori says to go with “aww” with those men… they LIKE US! and the only way they know how to relate, poor things, is to attack us and say stuff like that! poor dears

    Monday, 1 August 2011 @ 4:10pm

  50. 50: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    doesnt mean we actually have to engage with them

    but just take the attitude that

    1. they like us

    2. they are really doing the best they can

    3. we are of course awesome

    4. they’re like big scooby doos who don’t know any better way to relate

    Monday, 1 August 2011 @ 4:11pm

  51. 51: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i just got a triggering message too

    i dont even want to type it

    mmmff

    Monday, 1 August 2011 @ 4:12pm

  52. 52: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    people are reallly loving my coaching!

    i feel so much more confident about being able to share in a way that inspires and resonates!

    go meee

    Monday, 1 August 2011 @ 4:17pm

  53. 53: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    meaning live people that i talk about this with offblog

    Monday, 1 August 2011 @ 4:18pm

  54. 54: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    not that my live blog ladies are not… live and soulful

    *muah*

    Monday, 1 August 2011 @ 4:21pm

  55. 55: luzydelNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks Girls, I got other nice emails, but some how I felt triggered with this one. I blocked the guy and left it alone. I just feel a bit sensitive today, I feel lonely because my kid is spending this whole month with his father; I miss the contact of a man’s skin, but I know I get hung up with sex so I rather wait on that. I feel like crying for no particular reason, I just feel I have so much to offer and share and Cding is good, but I want more sometimes.

    Monday, 1 August 2011 @ 4:22pm

  56. 56: DENo Gravatar says:

    Daria #40:

    Yes, thank you for your feedback…

    I really appreciate being heard and valued for my efforts Daria; dealing with incapable men is often more difficult when u have a history with them than when u do not :)

    I admit, sometimes I feel afraid I would only get the “not good” feedback :)

    I totally agree that me stating “yet the best help one can give is…” triggered the attack…

    I believe it would have been better had I stated “it would feel better to be asked what I need; i don’t like when my needs are assumed…” or something like that…

    What do u think?

    warm hugs,

    Monday, 1 August 2011 @ 4:25pm

  57. 57: LilybelleNo Gravatar says:

    37:

    Luzydel~

    HE has been there for “years” obviously, too.

    Next.

    Monday, 1 August 2011 @ 4:56pm

  58. 58: FlowerChild77No Gravatar says:

    Oh my gosh, Daria!! I’m laughing, here!

    >>>”4. they’re like big scooby doos who don’t know any better way to relate<<<"

    I understand what you mean and I'm thankful for this example from luzydel and your answer…but this just makes me chuckle! :-)

    Thank you…I really needed something like this– a li'l pick-me-up! I'll be smiling for the rest of the evening!

    Seriously, though—I really appreciate how you explained it. I feel empowered now! :-)

    Monday, 1 August 2011 @ 4:57pm

  59. 59: FlowerChild77No Gravatar says:

    Yes, Lilybelle! I didn’t think of that right away—how does he know she’s been on there for “years” if he hasn’t been also?! With comments like that, it’s no wonder, too! ;-)

    Monday, 1 August 2011 @ 5:00pm

  60. 60: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Luzydel,

    Ick!

    Yes just like a gremlin NV! What a STUPID thing to say!

    I agree with Daria… poor dear, like the boys at primary school who used to ping elastic bands at us to get our attention when they liked us!

    xoxoxo

    Monday, 1 August 2011 @ 5:16pm

  61. 61: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    One of my CDs said this to me:

    ‘Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery and today is a gift – that is wy we call it the present!’

    Awww.

    Monday, 1 August 2011 @ 5:17pm

  62. 62: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Daria,

    I LOVE your responses to your guy from POF…77I have encountered so much similar stuff from guys recently… and had some of the answers, but reading your conversation there feels like filling in the blanks.

    I love how you stay totally in your feelings the whole time and don’t get drawn into any intellectual discussion or judging – feels brilliant and Sireny.

    I probably do FMs about half the amount you did there, and even then I feel afraid to do them. I keep expecting them to leave when I use my FMs and I keep being suprised when mostly they stay… 99% of the time.

    Or go and come back later.

    Oh and I love the version of the No Girlfriend speech. I esp like the bit about how you are not going to be exclusive until ‘something serious comes up’ this feels so much better when talking to a new guy than just ‘until I am married’… I always got stuck on this bit.

    Thank you – I am going to use that.

    xoxox

    Monday, 1 August 2011 @ 5:22pm

  63. 63: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Noticing how when I have nights out and I get those ‘urges’ to do whatever, I am inevitably in my masc energy, and trying to control everything.

    Monday, 1 August 2011 @ 5:30pm

  64. 64: LilybelleNo Gravatar says:

    Hot30yearolddude STILL is texting me and wanting to throw me down.

    I denied him….again.

    Monday, 1 August 2011 @ 5:34pm

  65. 65: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Noticing how when I was on night out with J before in group and he was socialising with everyone else not me, and I was feeling hurt, angry and just bloomin awful really.

    And then when he did approach and offer me things I had a barrier up, and instead of expressing how I really felt I said I was ok.

    I did manage to express how I really felt later… but the night had been pretty icky by then.

    Noticing how then I started drinking tequila with his brother, instead of saying ‘I feel … and then trusting him to find a solution’

    And later he offered me sitting on the beach together as he was running out of money and I turned it down because I was feeling angry.

    I completely forgive myself. I deeply and profoundly love and accept myself and I feel glad that I am noticing.

    Noticing how men try to connect with me sometimes and the barriers I put up when I do not feel safe or strong enough to express my true feelings.

    What is good for future with men is to stand my ground and say how I really feel.

    That would look like the first time he made eye contact and mouthed ‘are you ok?’ and I nodded and pretend smiled and looked away, instead I would say ‘No’ and shake head.

    If he came to me I would express how I was feeling without blaming.

    ‘I am feeling a bit alone and uncomfortable at the moment. I am feeling pleased to be here and I’m enjoying the music and I am feeling really disconnected from you. I don’t want to be disconnected. What do you think?’

    Monday, 1 August 2011 @ 5:39pm

  66. 66: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Noticing how I am feeling angry in general and how I was feeling angry at J that he couldn’t or wasn’t doing what I wanted him to do.

    Expectations.

    Wondering how that angry energy vibe might feel to a man… how that may push men away.

    Wondering about this and about letting it go.

    Wondering how I can do EFT around this and just accept things exactly as they are and feel grateful for all the nice things men are bringing me…

    Monday, 1 August 2011 @ 5:43pm

  67. 67: DENo Gravatar says:

    Ella #66:

    yes, yes, Ella…this is IT!!!!

    Realizing these same things ab myself while in interaction with men and even people in general…is soooo healing…:)

    Each time I do it, the next time becomes easier :)

    Warm hugs,

    Monday, 1 August 2011 @ 5:47pm

  68. 68: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    DE – Yes felt quite like an AHA moment for me…

    Now if only I can just remember and hold that idea… or maybe it will just sink down into my psyche anyway.

    Any ideas for what I could say to do EFT on healing that anger and accepting and appreciating what is being offered now?

    What words could I use when tapping?

    xoxoxox

    Monday, 1 August 2011 @ 5:52pm

  69. 69: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Dropping that anger and expectations like a lead ball.

    People can do what they want.

    If it feels nice I can say thank you I appreciae that.

    If it feels bad I can express or I have the option to leave.

    They don’t have to change what they are doing for me.

    And luckily I don’t have to tolerate anything I don’t want to.

    I am free as much as they to make my choices.

    :-)

    Monday, 1 August 2011 @ 5:56pm

  70. 70: EmoticonNo Gravatar says:

    I sent her the link. She commented on the blog. I don’t feel angry anymore. I don’t feel sad anymore. I still feel relieved. Like i was telling my friend, I need to either b with somebody better or be single. I can date around or not. I just need 2 b happy. I owe myself that much. So right now im jus gona do anything 2 make myself happy

    Monday, 1 August 2011 @ 6:04pm

  71. 71: DENo Gravatar says:

    Ella:

    I noticed my anger builds after my “expectations” are not met…

    And weird so…nowadays, my expectations often steam from what people/men claim to do…and they for whatever reason(s) they chose not to…

    Yesterday evening for example, one of my CDs who is coming on strong with very “serious” statements and i feel blushing talking ab…made a statement about calling me later afternoon for us to do something…

    okay, so the following is a bit cheesy and i feel blushy sharing it…but i worked through it…and i really feel proud of myself…

    I spend my afternoon and early evening with my son…when he texted me and didn’t call as he said…i noticed feeling weird…then sad…he asked what was i doing…i responded…he then asked…are u now home?…i responded yes….he went on something ab wanting his evening kiss…yet, no plans, etc…

    i noticed tension building within me…i felt annoyed…

    i pondered over what i really felt…and where in my body…and i responded saying…”it’s beginning to feel bad this indecisiveness and back and forth texting”…
    at which he responded…”please don’t worry…everything will be fine…”
    i responded “wow…”….he said “ok”

    i felt pretty bad and a bit angry after…why? because i did not fully expressed my feelings …i didn’t want to rock the boat by saying to him what i was actually feeling…”i feel unheard, actually patronized, and kind of pissed…”

    So, next I really paid attention and really sink into my awful feelings…i felt tears and melting…then, i felt compassion for myself and forgiveness…which i then expanded twds him with my thoughts…and told myself…”back on my horse, back on my horse…”

    I felt soo good this morning…had four other CDs wishing me good morning including the guy i felt disappointment from…

    I created and felt the shift…it felt awesome…

    for every breakthrough i create for myself…i hold the feeling sooo tight…as a reminder to what it feels to get it right :)

    warm hugs

    Monday, 1 August 2011 @ 6:17pm

  72. 72: FlowerChild77No Gravatar says:

    DE, Ella…this is what I need to learn. I can so relate to the sinking feeling inside at the deep disappointment around not getting what I need. And after I realize what it is I’m feeling (and how he didn’t have a clue)–I’d get sad and feel helpless because it’s usually too late to backtrack and “fix” what I didn’t say, etc.

    Then I’d get angry and feel my face get all red and it felt like steam coming out of my ears because I’d be trying so hard not to cry and act like nothing was wrong. That’s the tipping point for me—if I don’t keep that in check, the next thing that happens is for me is…..DRAMA.

    You know…when they ask, “What’s wrong?” (or some version of that) and I try to stuff the feelings down, down, down because I feel embarrassed and humiliated. And by that time, if I try to utter any words at all they’re all the drama of NOT saying my truth. :-(

    I’ve been practicing and using FMs and trying to stay authentic and it feels SO good. But I have so much more to learn.

    Thank you all so much for sharing how the tools are helping you. I’ll be able to order, probably two programs this week. I think because of my history it would be wise to get ‘Toxic Men’ for sure.

    I want to make sure I’ve healed all that needs to be healed so that I don’t make mistakes with xbf, as he is wanting me to come home (and I’m feeling like I want to go home, too.) But I’m STILL ‘free’ and I still have all the choices in the world! :-) I just want to make sure I am not ‘operating’ from old patterns and unhealed hurts.

    I’d like to hear if any of you have ‘Toxic Men’ and how it’s helped you. I’m very excited about being able to actually order this. My history with toxic men goes back to birth…I just can’t seem to shake it, and I thought I did with this man. But now I’m not sure because I found Rori and all of you—but I’m willing to learn so I can find real love and intimacy. I need to make sure the man I love so much is really able to do relationship….or if I’m fooling myself. I’m not sure if the hesitation I feel is “my stuff” (fear of intimacy) or if it’s because he isn’t able to be what I need. I can see/feel that he’s really trying, but….I have to be sure.

    Monday, 1 August 2011 @ 7:29pm

  73. 73: DENo Gravatar says:

    Flowerchild:

    Yes, yes, get the Toxic program…it was mind blowing to me…i discovered so many patterns and beliefs about myself…Rori does an amazing job at painting the picture for me ( i am very visual) and also tactile…where her tools help me go within myself and connect to a part me of i ignored or was afraid to accept…

    yes, yes…strongly recommended!!!

    warm hugs,

    Monday, 1 August 2011 @ 7:57pm

  74. 74: LercomariNo Gravatar says:

    lol. Millie is my mother’s name. :) I can relate to her. There is a guy who I had a conflicted, complicated non-relationship with for three years. He and his gf have been together for eight years…at least I assume they’re still together. We haven’t really talked for months…but god, I still love him. He’s the first person I ever loved and he loved me just as crazily in return.
    Mine sounds just like Millie’s sitch…instant chemistry, marriage plans, the other girl in the picture..except I was still married when we met. At the breaking-down, tail end of my marriage, but still married nonetheless.
    So after a lot of arguing and back and forth and dramatic movie-like climax, he just stopped contacting me…except when he friended my mom on FB a month ago and wrote HER a note asking how she’s doing. Still not sure what that was all about.
    Even now I’m still not sure what to do about my feelings for him. He lives in Ghana and even today I was thinking about calling him and letting him know I’m coming there in October…in the hopes that something had changed…
    In any case, I don’t understand why Rori is saying there’s no such thing as a confused man…isn’t it human to be indecisive concerning decisions at times?

    Monday, 1 August 2011 @ 9:45pm

  75. 75: alias girlNo Gravatar says:

    #71 DE lovely. i feel appreciative of you. :)

    Monday, 1 August 2011 @ 9:58pm

  76. 76: Virginia Feingold ClarkNo Gravatar says:

    Hey Rori, I so agree with your comment about “no such thing as a confused man” Confusion is just an excuse for not having to making a decision. As long as he’s confused, he doesn’t have to do anything…

    Monday, 1 August 2011 @ 10:00pm

  77. 77: LercomariNo Gravatar says:

    I haven’t heard from Techie in a couple days. He went out of town to Atlanta for the weekend. I don’t know if he’s back or not. I should consider he’s been helping his friend relocate across the country and he mostly likely is very sorry he missed my birthday. He said he bought me a present…but I still feel angry at him for not doing better. I feel disappointed because I wanted to spend my birthday with him. And I feel angry AND disappointed that I’ve barely heard from him at all in the past three days. Thinking about it makes me teary-eyed.
    The Banker, the guy from three years ago (Smiley), and Techie…of all the men in my life that are nuts about me, I click most with the three who are most unavailable. Augh. Though I will say that the Playwright feels good to me. And Zuo feels even better. I feel happy thinking about seeing them in October when I go to Ghana.

    Monday, 1 August 2011 @ 10:00pm

  78. 78: LercomariNo Gravatar says:

    @Alias girl, English woman,

    Thanks for reading my last post. I feel happy knowing it made you both feel good. I also feel happy that I’m learning so much.

    Monday, 1 August 2011 @ 10:02pm

  79. 79: DENo Gravatar says:

    Alias Girl # 75

    Aww…i feel touched :) Thank u dearly lovely Goddess :)

    warm hugs,

    Monday, 1 August 2011 @ 10:08pm

  80. 80: DENo Gravatar says:

    Just returned from a lovely walk by the river with T…the CD I felt disappointed with last nite…

    We had awesome conversations…i felt calm, open and warm…

    I followed up on a statement he made to me last Sat…that he never dated a woman like me before…so open, warm, big goals, etc…and that makes him feel nervous but in a good way cause it keeps him on his toes…and he likes that …

    i took his explanation as a compliment…although i expressed feeling a bit concerned that because of it he may withheld from being himself…

    i feel/felt good for expressing my concerns…and very relieved…:)

    kissing felt ‘formidable”…and noticed the hand holding became tighter and stronger towards the end of our walk…:) i felt so attracted to him :)

    it was a good day overall :)

    giving myself a tight hug tonite!!!

    thank u DE for making wonderful choices for us today :)

    Monday, 1 August 2011 @ 10:18pm

  81. 81: English WomanNo Gravatar says:

    #6 la chiquita bonita

    Some very good and valid points (excuses made for men) in your post. Haven’t we all done it though? I sure know I have. :(

    I came here last night and wondered why the blog was so quiet, I didn’t realise you had all moved onto the next one LOL!! Time to catch up!!

    Monday, 1 August 2011 @ 11:27pm

  82. 82: English WomanNo Gravatar says:

    On another note, I just had an email from my son (36) telling me that his ex is getting married to another man next month, and he seems a bit upset about it, and is asking “Why do I pick the wrong women and get so hurt” type of thing. He is like some of us women who fall deep……….

    I am just wondering if I can somehow help him with words without telling him what to do??

    Anybody know of any good resources for men?

    Monday, 1 August 2011 @ 11:31pm

  83. 83: English WomanNo Gravatar says:

    #14 Corin

    “I’m starting to believe that this only occurs when we remains in our heads and keep telling ourselves some fantasy of what’s going on rather than remaining in our feelings and being honestly present with what actually is.”

    YES YES YES!!!!

    Thank you for this gift.

    Monday, 1 August 2011 @ 11:34pm

  84. 84: English WomanNo Gravatar says:

    #26 Patricia

    Here’s hoping!! Do please keep us updated :)

    I didn’t get to the Zumba class last night it was on from 6pm to 7pm and I didn’t get home from a busy day until 10 to 7 :(

    Never mind I have found another for Thursday night, I WILL get to the Zumba ball LOL!!

    Monday, 1 August 2011 @ 11:44pm

  85. 85: English WomanNo Gravatar says:

    #34 Daria

    Wow oh wow!! Thank you so much for sharing that convo, it showed me how this stuff works, thank you for your gift. :)

    Monday, 1 August 2011 @ 11:49pm

  86. 86: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    :)

    am feeling lovely today!

    noticing i often feel anxiety around my mother and father… OFTEN

    sometimes i feel good and loving around my mother,

    but very often i feel anxiety and am expecting an attack or to feel neglected/ignored

    her ‘mood’

    i wonder …

    perhaps to start expressing that i feel anxious?

    Tuesday, 2 August 2011 @ 12:00am

  87. 87: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    sugar tastes so strong and overwhelming to me after a week of not having it, or breads either

    Tuesday, 2 August 2011 @ 12:31am

  88. 88: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    yay i self hypnotized myself to feel sexual pleasure and it felt so good to have an orgasm! yay me i felt more gentle and loving

    i feel glad i inspired myself with self hypnosis… i can use it for many things

    Tuesday, 2 August 2011 @ 3:43am

  89. 89: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    there is Nothing

    but *beauty* at the end of time …

    and *I* am there

    give me the spiral

    the beauty in the garbage and the ugliness

    the sickness is the way of healing

    will i be sick forever? molesting and torturing soulness

    i grow wide and my anger lights up my outer circle boundaries with fires

    i am green and purple i am putrid

    mother earth will eat me

    and spit me out at the end of time

    writhing celestial

    with the worms

    the cat that ate the kittens

    and the phoenix that did not let him in

    i cannot bear i cannot bear

    brrr goes the bear

    we are just birthing

    through sticky tunnel that we’re flying by

    helpless and magnificent

    for an instant i saw

    the shiness in the blackness

    there were more than two

    less than one

    for an instant i grew

    for an instant i rocked the child

    i feel frustrated with myself

    and my complications

    for an instant i gave up

    i feel like i cant take this

    i am bursting i am little pillows

    i am torn apart now

    i am laugh

    there was the end of time

    and *I* was there

    and *I* am here now

    and i feel sick

    and i feel like i can’t take it

    and *I* am at the beginning

    laughing

    i stuck my foot in the mud

    my foot got dry

    and now im footless

    my tail swung me over

    and i bashed my teeth

    and now im toothless

    and i feel like i cant take it

    my heart aches my heart aches!

    i shake my fist at you ME

    where is the love

    ah yes

    the love like a fruitrollup

    i razor it down with my new rodent razors

    i feel tired

    my heart beats

    the fur on my butt shines light brown

    i feel warm

    i give up

    Tuesday, 2 August 2011 @ 4:49am

  90. 90: luzydelNo Gravatar says:

    I was feeling all low yesterday, nostalgic, lonely missing male companionship. Today is just another day; I had 10 messages from POF :) I want to meet a serious guy that can give me what I want, but in the mean time I will just CD since he has not arrive yet.

    D tetxs me some times, I respond nicely, but I do not ask him for anything, nor I am expecting him to jump over a bridge for me anymore. He is somewhere in my life and was special…time to let go. FB_relationship guy is sort of giving me the cold shoulder. He contacts me, but it feels so cold and I feel blocked by him. He is not over his GF, even when he said he is when we met and talked last Saturday…time to let go.

    we will see what messages these next guys will bring to me.

    Tuesday, 2 August 2011 @ 4:49am

  91. 91: MelNo Gravatar says:

    Is it typical for a man to start dating immediately after separating from his wife?

    I feel so sad about this. I feel like perhaps I didn’t really mean a whole lot to him. He told me he’s not ending the marriage because he’s interested in anyone else. He said that a relationship is the last thing from his mind. Yet, he’s already dating. This feels horrible.

    Perhaps we have different ideas around the “why” of dating. For me dating would be to find someone I want to have a relationship with.

    Tuesday, 2 August 2011 @ 5:29am

  92. 92: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Mel I believe dating is for fun that could help with boredom. Rori teaches circular dating for therapy. Some people use dating to get clear on what they want in a relationship and end up going back to their ex when they realize it is going to take a long time for new people to get to know them and for them to feel like they can be themselves.

    I have also read you have to know what you don’t want to be clear about what you really want.

    Tuesday, 2 August 2011 @ 5:37am

  93. 93: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Don’t know if it is typical but I have seen it. I have also come to accept that some guys just need to be in a relationship.

    Tuesday, 2 August 2011 @ 5:38am

  94. 94: English WomanNo Gravatar says:

    #91 Mel

    I believe it IS more common for men than women though I have no idea why, maybe they miss the TLC they got used to…….

    I know you are still living in the same house as your stb ex but that is really insensitive of him.

    When I got divorced my ex and I were 49 and the next thing he had a 25 year old girlfriend!!!! Although I did NOT want him back I have to say it sure didn’t feel good…..:(

    Tuesday, 2 August 2011 @ 5:44am

  95. 95: MelNo Gravatar says:

    He’s probably just out looking “for a good time.” Hopefully the girls he’s dating know that. Because I think that although there are always exceptions, most women date (even if they are dating many people) because they are trying to find their “one.”

    Tuesday, 2 August 2011 @ 5:50am

  96. 96: English WomanNo Gravatar says:

    On another note ladies, I was listening to Abraham this morning and Esther said in regard to relationships it’s not so much that we want somebody to love US but that we want to love another, so we should be loving all around us which kind of ties in with Rori’s vibe…….and I was wondering how that works in relation to loving yourself? Besides looking at yourself in the mirror and telling yourself you are loved, buying nice gifts for yourself, bubble baths, etc.

    Does anybody else have any good ideas here on how to get into the vibe of feeling as good as when you are in love with another and just feeling it as good for yourself?

    Tuesday, 2 August 2011 @ 5:56am

  97. 97: EmoticonNo Gravatar says:

    I get it when i get manicures and pedicures, when i get my hair done. When i just take a bunch of webcam pics of myself. when i just lay in my blanket and hug myself…. or read something on how i can improve in any aspect of my life. When i work out or do anything for myself really. Thats how i love myself and make myself feel loved. Thereby feeling loved and loving all at once

    Tuesday, 2 August 2011 @ 6:04am

  98. 98: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    When I dance and just get into my body I feel really good. Also when I connect with kids. I just love babies.

    Tuesday, 2 August 2011 @ 6:25am

  99. 99: CorinNo Gravatar says:

    On the theme of things we can do to make us feel loved/ loving. I’m reading ‘Calling in the one’ at the moment and she suggests a yoga/ meditation thing of sitting crossed legged on the floor, closing our eyes and opening our arms from a forward stretched prayer position to arms like wings and saying ‘I open my heart fully to give and recieve love’. That gets me into a great vibe and I’ve also started saying it when I get out of bed.

    Any type of yoga also helps me with that feeling, although bikram yoga especially. Riding my bicycle, going swiming and enjoying feeling the power of my body working just for me. I’m going to my first adult ballet class for absolute beginners tonight and I’m hoping that will help me fall in love with myelf a bit more!

    Tuesday, 2 August 2011 @ 6:38am

  100. 100: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @76: Virginia Feingold Clark says:
    “…Hey Rori, I so agree with your comment about “no such thing as a confused man” Confusion is just an excuse for not having to making a decision. As long as he’s confused, he doesn’t have to do anything…”

    My take on the “confusion issue” is that all humans can be confused from time to time. However, as long as the man says he’s confused, and the woman believes it and/or accepts it, he doesn’t do anything whether or not either of them believes he “has to.”

    Men sometimes say they are confused…when they are not. Sometimes sirens do too…

    xoxo

    Tuesday, 2 August 2011 @ 6:38am

  101. 101: LeleNo Gravatar says:

    I connected with a guy online and we have had some fantastic chats. Now he says he values that connection too much and does not want to loose it so does not want to meet.

    I’m thinking he is doing this on the down low and already has a relationship.

    putrid puss filled rot
    fresh skunk stink
    week old rotting fish heads
    this rots
    suck a moldy lemon
    creepoid

    tired, I need to play. sigh!!!!

    Tuesday, 2 August 2011 @ 6:43am

  102. 102: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Piece from an interesting email I just got:

    What good will it do us to simply think we are Superman?

    Here is where science comes in…..this is the part where you will be AMAZED when you learn about the supernatural powers “YOU” already possess!

    Best-Selling author and M.D. Dr. Deepak Chopra tells us that our brains make certain chemicals called Neuro Peptides . These are literally the molecules of emotion. (Fear, Joy, Love, Etc.)

    These molecules of emotion are not contained in your brain only, they actually circulate throughout your entire body.

    Your immune cells which are protecting you from diseases like infection and cancer, and many other illnesses, are also contained throughout your body.

    Deepak tells us that the amazing part about of these cells of emotion and immune system support is that they are intelligent cells.

    They are thinking cells!

    He also tells us that these immune cells which are protecting you from disease are constantly eavesdropping on the conversation that you are having with yourself.

    …Your self-talk.

    They listen in and adjust their behavior based on what they hear from you….their master.

    So imagine what would happen if you started to think like Superman.

    Here are some of the thoughts you might have during the day:

    ” I am indestructible”

    ” The challenges I face day to day are easily overcome, after all I am Superman/Supergirl”

    ” I have supernatural powers.”

    ” I have incredible strength.”

    “Nothing can stop me…..nothing.”

    The billions of thinking cells in your body listen.

    Their mission is to complete the picture of you they see when they hear yourself talk.

    They must obey.

    Since you are “Superman” you cannot get sick.

    Your immune system cells are now fortifying themselves to make sure of that.

    They are making you stronger everyday!

    You have the ability to fight off all attacks, physical, disease, illness, etc.

    Superman is confident, your cells of emotion relating to confidence will now create more NeuroPeptide chemicals that promote feelings of power.

    Superman is fearless so your cells of the emotion relating to fear will now create more NeuroPeptide chemicals that promote feelings of well being…

    A feeling that you fear nothing.

    Tuesday, 2 August 2011 @ 6:47am

  103. 103: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @91: Mel says:
    “…Is it typical for a man to start dating immediately after separating from his wife?…”

    I say “yes.”

    “…Perhaps we have different ideas around the “why” of dating…”

    Yes, again…

    :D

    xoxo

    Tuesday, 2 August 2011 @ 6:47am

  104. 104: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    I believe confusion is also a stress “flight” response. I have a girl in my life that I see use it all the time.

    Tuesday, 2 August 2011 @ 6:51am

  105. 105: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @101: Lele says:
    “…Now he says he values that connection too much and does not want to loose it so does not want to meet…”

    Guys. LOL :lol:

    Go take yourself out and have a good day. :D

    xoxo

    Tuesday, 2 August 2011 @ 6:52am

  106. 106: MelNo Gravatar says:

    Neat article FW! I also was talking to my friend (a biology teacher) about something similar. Epigenetics / DNA methylation and how traumatic experiences can effect it. Interesting stuff!

    Tuesday, 2 August 2011 @ 6:57am

  107. 107: MelNo Gravatar says:

    Cool! I found a “lease transfer” site where people who want out of their car leases post their vehicles. I found one with only 10 months left (a great amount!) and a low monthly payment. That way I can drive a good, reliable car but have no commitment past 10 months if I go overseas next year. If, on the other hand, I decide to stay, I get a great car and there’s only like $4000 to buy it at the end of the lease. So essentially, THEY would have paid for most of the vehicle and I get all of that equity. Neat hey?

    Tuesday, 2 August 2011 @ 7:02am

  108. 108: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    regarding separating/divorced spouses dating – it is normal and healthy

    of course Rori encourages us to start CDing right away

    men often show a very instinctive and healthy way of taking care of themselves that we can learn from

    Tuesday, 2 August 2011 @ 7:04am

  109. 109: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i feel worried now that my opinion on that will feel bad

    what i was really feeling was horror and oh no and concern

    i feel concern that Mel – you are not dating –

    i think from my understanding of Rori’s material -

    that would be the way to go here to either get this marriage back or get yourself healing as fast as possible

    Tuesday, 2 August 2011 @ 7:08am

  110. 110: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    The real questions are these…

    How do we learn to release some of the guilts and regrets we have?

    How do we learn to accept ourselves, even when we feel so completely unacceptable?

    In the context of the metaphor… how do we learn to neuter those negative thoughts?

    What I propose is, rather than looking at it from the perspective of accepting ourselves, or of not feeling certain negative emotions because we’re not “supposed to,” instead apply the “Trap and Release” to our thoughts. How, you might ask? Try this…

    The next time you have a thought that isn’t pleasant, observe it. That’s it, just observe it. After a moment, let it go.

    For example, let’s say that somebody says something that hurts your feelings, but inside you know they didn’t mean to hurt your feelings. You end up telling yourself, “I shouldn’t feel hurt. I know they didn’t mean it.” The challenge we have with this way of thinking is that we end up judging ourselves (“should” is usually an indicator that you’re judging) for how we feel instead of understanding it. This judgment ends up causing us to feel even worse about ourselves… after all, what’s worse then feeling bad? Feeling bad *about* feeling bad!

    We end up trying to “kill” the thought by fighting against it… but fighting against something only serves to bring on another fight. Every time we say “I should” or “I shouldn’t” we are fighting against ourselves and only serving to reinforce and build up our weapons against ourselves.

    Internally, this has the same effect as a country fearing war so they start a draft and spend more on defense. Then another country sees this, they become fearful, and they start building up their defenses. Eventually, there’s so much fear and so many weapons that people not only forget the original reason why they were fighting in the first place, but if somebody even sneezes wrong it could cause World War 3.

    So now back to an example with ourselves…

    In that moment, rather than say you “should” or “shouldn’t” feel whatever it is you’re feeling or thinking, instead just accept the fact that you feel hurt without trying to change it. Pause for a moment and just allow without judgment.

    If you feel you can’t avoid judging yourself, then offer to give yourself a temporary “cease fire.” Say to yourself, “While I am observing this thought/emotion, I choose not to judge myself. However, in another five minutes I’ll let any judgments I feel come into my awareness.” The point behind this is to allow yourself to be accepting of that thought or emotion you are observing, at least for that moment.

    What is the point of all of this?
    If you continue to observe each of your judgmental thoughts (we all have them, even if it’s something as simple as, “I don’t like the way I feel right now” or “I wish that person would talk less.”), you will begin to see the thoughts as they are.

    You will begin to understand that the judgments you carry now, the negative thoughts you have today, are many times not because of what’s happening in the present moment, but because what’s happening in the present moment is poking at something painful or upsetting from your past.

    If you want an extra challenge…

    After pausing, ask yourself why you feel the way you do or had the thought you did. From our example, you might ask yourself, “Why does this hurt even though she didn’t mean to hurt my feelings?” Be honest with yourself in that answer, and again remember not to judge your answer but just to accept and observe it.

    Logically, you know you are not hurt because of what this person said (since they didn’t mean to hurt you), but that you’re actually hurt because this situation reminds you of something in your past that hurt. Maybe you are consciously aware of this thing in the past which hurts, but more than likely, you’re not conscious of it (otherwise it probably wouldn’t hurt when an unrelated event in the future causes this pain to be brought back up).

    Eventually through this practice, the “wild cats” (i.e. negative thoughts) come in, become “neutered,” and then go back to their “neighborhood.”

    Any way you look at it, though, by trapping, observing, and releasing your thoughts, you are allowing and accepting the natural flow of energy instead of impeding it. By stopping the “fight” within yourself, over time you will notice a progressively increasing sense of peace as you become more understanding of yourself, your thoughts, and your feelings.

    This happens because as you allow yourself to be as you are, warts and all, your need to defend yourself… against yourself… becomes less and less prevalent.

    You will feel less and less need to build up your arsenal of weapons preparing for war, and instead allow the weapons to be dismantled and set aside. They’re still there, but they’re benign and ineffective.

    Eventually so much so, that you’re able to walk across the boundaries of the war zone, shake hands with those you once feared…

    With yourself you once feared…

    And relax in peace.

    Your Partner In Transformation,
    Chris Cade
    Liberate Your Life

    Tuesday, 2 August 2011 @ 7:09am

  111. 111: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    RE 107 Yeah, neat. I just know things will work out Mel.

    Tuesday, 2 August 2011 @ 7:11am

  112. 112: MelNo Gravatar says:

    Hey daria,

    No offense taken! I’m not sure I feel “up” to dating just yet. Maybe once I feel more settled and other things in my life are less stressed? I am open to coffee/lunch with male coworkers and very casual things. I guess that’s a start right?

    I went for ice cream with a guy from work last week. It was nice to be invited. I noticed that he didn’t do things like hold doors open or let me walk in first, or offer to pay. That’s okay, since I’m not really interested in dating him, but it was interesting to notice that that bothered me. I want men to do those things for me.

    He did send me an email later to say “we should do lunch again! :) )

    Tuesday, 2 August 2011 @ 7:13am

  113. 113: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    I just read this post, even tho it was posted yesterday. You all know without me saying that I relate like crazy to Millie because that’s how I feel about Ryan.

    And, last night I had a meltdown. York hasn’t called back, and I just have to wait and see if he will. That has me bummed, so yesterday I was on craigslist almost all day contacting men’s ads, emailing, texting, and then I finally placed my own ad. I felt shocked that I got about 45 responses in less than an hour! I mean, the heading read, “Queen-Sized Woman to be Treated Like a Queen”! Yet I had even a 19 year old come out of the woodwork, even tho I am a BBW (Big, Beautiful Woman)!

    I went on a date last night. The date went well, but I was not remotely attracted to the man. He liked me but I am not going to see him again.

    Then I was left in the silence of my memories and feelings, and I just wanted Ryan.

    I know, you’re all sick of hearing about Ryan. I cried convulsively, as I haven’t cried in a long time. I’m just weary of being single. I proved that I could have a date every night of the week if I chose to, but none of them are Ryan. And, I finally met one man who I was attracted to, and he has hit the trail.

    Like Rori said, the answer is to keep dating other men. But my heart just isn’t in it now. I just feel discouraged. I know loneliness isn’t the solution, tho, so I’m going to push myself to meet some of this pile of men I unearthed. Joy. :-(

    Tuesday, 2 August 2011 @ 7:15am

  114. 114: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Mel – okay… i feel glad you ARE dating

    the idea is to date up a storm right now at this crucial time!

    and of course… it feels challenging when its this exact time that feels so dang overwhelming

    Tuesday, 2 August 2011 @ 7:20am

  115. 115: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Daria,

    RE: #89 – Wow, you are quite an abstract poet! I don’t know what it all means, but it sure is artistic, creative, and beautiful!!

    Tuesday, 2 August 2011 @ 7:23am

  116. 116: MelNo Gravatar says:

    Daria,

    What types of men my age (in 30′s) use dating sites? I really have no idea, so I’m just curious. I would consider setting up a profile, except I’m not interested in anything serious… yet I definitely don’t want men who only want sex.

    Tuesday, 2 August 2011 @ 7:28am

  117. 117: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Daria,

    RE: #34 – Superb, exemplary dialogue!!! Thanks for sharing.

    Tuesday, 2 August 2011 @ 7:31am

  118. 118: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    Anybody having a problem with Ustream tv? Weird stuff going on…

    Tuesday, 2 August 2011 @ 7:32am

  119. 119: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    I just read most of this thread, and you ladies are just precious! I love being here! I love each of you!

    Tuesday, 2 August 2011 @ 7:34am

  120. 120: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    RE 99 That is one of the things my zumba teacher does when we are stretching in a seated position during the cool down. She incorporates a little of everything in the routines.

    Tuesday, 2 August 2011 @ 7:50am

  121. 121: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Mel regarding the things you noticed, I would encourage you to take babysteps in speaking up about them. I speak up about opening doors to guys in my office. Try to think of something that feels authentic to you and maybe complements them. Guys have big egos so some of them will step up.

    Tuesday, 2 August 2011 @ 7:55am

  122. 122: MelNo Gravatar says:

    Just out of curiosity FW… what do you say to them about opening doors?

    Tuesday, 2 August 2011 @ 8:10am

  123. 123: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    I might be old fashioned but I admire men who open doors for women. It makes them look real masculine and I feel really taken care of. I just love chivalry. Or something around that in a playful way. I comment when I see other guys doing it, not necessarily the one I am with. I will hang back and allow the one I am with to do it. They usually step up. I have come to realize that I tend to just go ahead and many times they actually have to stop themselves because it is like an automatic reflex for them. Just that I am too swift.

    Tuesday, 2 August 2011 @ 8:18am

  124. 124: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Mel I also feel a little concerned about your question “what type of men”. I would encourage you to elaborate about what you mean as it could possibly unearth some belief around internet dating or even men.

    Tuesday, 2 August 2011 @ 8:20am

  125. 125: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Dorothea if you are still reading you have been on my mind. I hope things are going well with you.

    Tuesday, 2 August 2011 @ 8:24am

  126. 126: MelNo Gravatar says:

    Around the “what type of men”

    Well… since my husband had a profile, I guess that’s a concern for me. Not interested in married men.

    Also, when I was trying to understand what would compel him to have a profile, I noticed that a lot of guys were just interested in NSA sex.

    Many others were interested in serious relationships, which I don’t really want right now. IF I did this, it would only be to experiment with Rori’s tools… since I’m kinda feeling resistant to date without actually wanting a relationship. Sort of an experiment.

    So in a nutshell… I’m just curious if these sites generally have decent guys that just want to “date”… nothing more?

    Tuesday, 2 August 2011 @ 8:26am

  127. 127: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @113: Brenda says:
    “Queen-Sized Woman to be Treated Like a Queen”!

    Nice heading. I like it! :D

    The today’s Tuesday newsletter from a male dating coach has wise words and encouragement to continue online dating even though we have disappointments. Take a look if you have it.

    xoxo

    Tuesday, 2 August 2011 @ 8:31am

  128. 128: SusanNo Gravatar says:

    RE: 126: Mel

    There are as many different types of men on dating sites as there are men. Stay away from the ones that want NSA sex or who have no photo. They are very likely married. The ones who say they want a serious relationship might be posting that because that is what most women want and they are trying to improve their chances. I used to meet and date the men who stated they wanted a serious relationship and I have found that they are just guys who would like to meet women. Those guys are in the pool of men that I used to take a chance on. The guy I have been dating since October is someone I met on Match dot com. They are just people. Some are nice and some are not. You have to sift through to find a good one, but the sifting can be fun. :)

    Tuesday, 2 August 2011 @ 8:35am

  129. 129: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    SLV,

    RE: #127 – Thank you, and thank you! I’ll check it out.

    Tuesday, 2 August 2011 @ 8:49am

  130. 130: MelNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks Susan… very helpful answer! :)

    Tuesday, 2 August 2011 @ 8:51am

  131. 131: SusanNo Gravatar says:

    MORE ON DATING SITES:

    This is my opinion, and only my opinion.

    eHarmony – For the marriage minded. It is like hiring a matchmaker and you do pay for that service. They have a high success rate BUT they also accept only a narrow range of people. They would not accept me because I have been divorced twice and I am not a Christian and I am not seeking marriage. If what you want falls within their parameters, they can be a big help but don’t be surprised if they match you with someone who lives hours or days away.

    Match – You pay for it, so the people there tend to be slightly more serious about finding a match than on the free sites. The guys there also tend to have enough of an income to date. Free sites tend to attract the unemployed or underemployed. There are fewer married guys there because the charge would show up on the credit card.

    Free sites (specifically POF) – POF is a pretty good site, IMHO. I’ve seen the same faces there as on Match for the guys who are seriously trying to reach as big an audience as possible. One has to be pickier on any free site. Avoid all profiles that do not have a picture or men who state they are separated (their wives would be shocked to read this about their husbands.) Avoid all men who seek NSA sex. There are plenty of others to choose from.

    And finally, Craig’s List – CL seems like a big meat-market type bar to me, but without the smoke or loud music. I have met nice men there and I have met total jerks there. There are also teen boys posing as men and sexual sadists there. Be as cautious as you would be if you met that man in a night club. Still, there are a few gems to be discovered there…

    Tuesday, 2 August 2011 @ 8:58am

  132. 132: alias girlNo Gravatar says:

    i can’t remember ever hearing a man saying the words “i’m confused.”

    it’d be like a man driving saying “i’m lost”

    it just feels like a really rare occassion.

    i wonder if sometimes women are just attributing these words to a man’s behavior.

    ?

    Tuesday, 2 August 2011 @ 9:08am

  133. 133: MelNo Gravatar says:

    Alias girl:

    For me I interpret the phrase “I don’t know what In want, I need space to figure it out.” to mean “I’m confused.” Perhaps this is not the case though.

    Tuesday, 2 August 2011 @ 9:15am

  134. 134: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    RE 132 alias girl you have a point there. Now that I think about it, what I have heard from guys suggest that they either feel it for you or they don’t.

    Tuesday, 2 August 2011 @ 9:15am

  135. 135: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @126: Mel says:
    “…So in a nutshell… I’m just curious if these sites generally have decent guys that just want to “date”… nothing more?…”

    There are all kinds of men… and I do men ALL KINDS… that frequent online dating sites. There are different kinds of dating sites (with different tones) and within those dating sites there are different categories.

    Are you saying you are looking for a “decent guy” who dates married women?

    Mel, for my part I’d get a really clear focus on my intention in dating before a focus on the type of guys. I’d probably spend a few days exploring many sites, and their forums if any, until I found a few with vibes that felt comfortable. What might be cool for one woman, even a siren, might not be best for me.

    I’d check out meetup.com or its local equivalent and the “strictly platonic” section of CL personals. But I would not be surprised to also find ads from guys who are looking for more than platonic… or don’t know what it means. :D But I’d first place an “SP” ad for myself to see what turns up.

    I am guessing that you aren’t looking for NSA but there are also many guys, some married some not, who are looking to provide that for married women.

    xoxo
    P.S Here’s a link to a page I swiped from a male dating coach. There are about a hundred or so… I didn’t count… online dating sites and resources.

    Online Dating Links
    http://www.evanmarckatz.com/links.php

    :D

    Tuesday, 2 August 2011 @ 9:21am

  136. 136: alias girlNo Gravatar says:

    is interesting huh? it just occurred to me and seems something to consider in the conversation of this post.

    men will say ‘i don’t want a relationship. i don’t think this or that’. or stuff.

    but i can not recall a man saying “i feel confused”

    being confused for a man would be a dangerous place to go…if you consider evolution and stuff. a second of mulling around in their “confusion” could lead to a bear eating them.

    Tuesday, 2 August 2011 @ 9:25am

  137. 137: MelNo Gravatar says:

    To be fair SLV… I would no longer consider myself a married woman. Separated, yes. I won’t be putting up anything until I am moved out.

    I had hoped he would do the same, out of respect for me… but alas, having ‘expectations” about anything is what causes me trouble isn’t it?

    Tuesday, 2 August 2011 @ 9:26am

  138. 138: alias girlNo Gravatar says:

    i am feeling very “aw” about men. they are so cute. like little puppies.

    why get angry at a little puppy for displaying puppy behavior?

    just train them so they know what they need to do to get the good stuff. (ie goddess good stuff like hugs and dates and smiles and stuff)

    and then enjoy the love they so want to give.

    Tuesday, 2 August 2011 @ 9:29am

  139. 139: alias girlNo Gravatar says:

    i am running lllaaaaaaatttteee because i am on this BLOG!

    Tuesday, 2 August 2011 @ 9:30am

  140. 140: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @128: Susan says:
    “…They are just people. Some are nice and some are not. You have to sift through to find a good one, but the sifting can be fun…”

    So true. We really don’t know until we meet them and get to know them. I like your attitude; thank you for sharing your experience.

    :D

    Tuesday, 2 August 2011 @ 9:31am

  141. 141: alias girlNo Gravatar says:

    oh mel … about the car leasing…. what about the end of the lease fees for scratches and dents, mileage, and stuff. would you be responsible for those?

    they can really add up to A Lot.

    ok. crap. i gotta GO!!

    Tuesday, 2 August 2011 @ 9:32am

  142. 142: DENo Gravatar says:

    Ella #66 & 68

    Sorry, I didn’t get to answer u question about EFT on anger and expectation…

    I would get more clarity on the source of your expectations. Anger, to me, is just the vehicle…Behind anger there is a deeper feeling(s). Finding the real feelings behind anger is the key. I would list a few statements around anger and expectations…

    In this moment (can’t think of any other right now), I sense two sources of expectations…one steaming from me and one from the other person (based on a “perceived” promise he/she made);

    Expectation in itself is not bad; to the contrary, it helps me create boundaries……however, the judgment we create in our minds about expectations is bad and that’s when we create walls…

    For example,
    I have an expectation to be treated well by a man…stating it like this feels bad to me…because I immediately judge myself (oh, u are demanding, bossy, controlling);

    however, I noticed that stating as “i feel comforted/appreciated from being treated well by a man”, it takes away the judgment…;

    or I can EFT the initial statement “Even though I have an expectation to be treated well by a man…and that feels demanding, controlling…I deeply and completely love and accept myself”….

    Ella, the more specific is the issue (in your case u can use u situation with J) the higher the emotional trigger (when u assign a value of 1 to 10) and thus, much better results from tapping…and that’s my experience.

    If you can list of some of the issues with J and the expectations and feelings associated with it, I might be able to help u target the right formula of EFT…

    Let me know.

    Warm hugs,

    Tuesday, 2 August 2011 @ 9:34am

  143. 143: MelNo Gravatar says:

    Re: 141

    Thanks Alias Girl… I’ll check into that!

    Tuesday, 2 August 2011 @ 9:42am

  144. 144: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @Mel says:
    “…. I would no longer consider myself a married woman. Separated, yes. …”

    Well…separated, yes but still legally married. That’s something to consider and I expect men will consider that too. I dated when I was “separated” but had filed for divorce. Are you at that stage yet?

    I’m curious if statistics were charted (maybe OKCupid has done this already they have done many others) whether men who date married women have a higher poof rate at the time of the women’s divorces. IMHO and anecdotally…. yes. But life is always a little complicated somewhere, isn’t it? :D

    Re: expectations. I have them; I’m disappointed sometimes but I still have expectations.

    Every now and then there is a story of a married guy, a politician or someone who is otherwise in the public light but still has ads on CL or a dating site! Don’t they ever learn???? LOL :lol: Guys. :lol:

    xoxo

    Tuesday, 2 August 2011 @ 9:55am

  145. 145: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    http://www.innerbonding.com/show-article/2876/feeling-disconnected-from-your-partner.html

    When your heart is closed, you have disconnected from yourself. The heart is the channel through which you can feel your feelings, so if there are feelings you don’t want to feel, you close your heart in order to not feel them.

    What are the feelings you don’t want to feel?

    It took me a long time to understand why I would close my heart. I had been closing off from some very painful feelings for so long that I didn’t even know what the feelings were. Upon exploration, I thought that I might be closing myself to avoid feelings of anxiety, fear, hurt, guilt, shame or anger. But with deeper work, I discovered that it was actually my disconnection from myself – my closed heart – that was causing my anxiety, hurt, guilt, shame and anger. So, if I was causing these feelings by closing my heart and staying in my head, and by judging myself or by turning to various addictions, why was I closing my heart in the first place? What was I avoiding feeling?

    It took me years of inner inquiry to discover the deeper feelings that my closed heart was protecting me from feeling. These were the feelings of intense loneliness I had experienced as an only child, with distant parents and no siblings to play with. These were the feelings of heartbreak when my mother screamed at me daily, blaming me for her misery, and the heartbreak of my father’s attempts to have sex with me.

    Emotional Connection

    The challenging truth is that we cannot connect with another until we connect with ourselves. This means that we need to open our hearts to feeling and learning from all of our painful feelings – the wounded feelings we create and the core existential feelings of painful life experiences.

    When you learn to fully embrace all of your painful feelings – with a compassionate intent to learn – you will be able to keep your heart open with your partner. When your partner is also able to keep his or her heart open, the two of you will connect.

    Connection with your partner will occur easily and naturally when you and your partner have the courage to fully embrace all your feelings with a deep intent to learn. You will easily and naturally connect with each other when you are both openhearted and connected with yourselves.

    Tuesday, 2 August 2011 @ 10:03am

  146. 146: MelNo Gravatar says:

    SLV

    Here you have to do a “legal separation” for one year and then you can have a divorce. So I’m in that phase.

    Tuesday, 2 August 2011 @ 10:14am

  147. 147: SusanNo Gravatar says:

    Where I live, a person is legally and morally available to date as soon as the divorce papers are served (the divorce process has officially begun.)

    When I was in that situation, I purposefully sought out men who were in a similar situation. I figured we were both the walking wounded and would have limited expectations from each other and could offer each other compassion and physical relief. I found ONE and only one that fit what I was looking for and he and I helped each other through a rough time. We both knew it wouldn’t last and we are still friendly with each other. After 5 years, he still isn’t officially divorced because no one can agree on custody. While they are fighting over it, he is raising his two boys alone (his former in-laws want custody and that is what the fight is about.) He is a good person and a good dad, but isn’t truly available to date in the traditional sense. He told me 5 years ago that he expected to remain legally married because of this until the youngest boy turned 18. A man in this type of situation is good for a temporary connection.

    Tuesday, 2 August 2011 @ 10:24am

  148. 148: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @146: Mel says:
    “…Here you have to do a “legal separation” for one year and then you can have a divorce. So I’m in that phase…”

    Mel, We are pulling for you for whatever makes you happy. :)

    @147: Susan says:
    “…When I was in that situation, I purposefully sought out men who were in a similar situation. I figured we were both the walking wounded and would have limited expectations from each other and could offer each other compassion and physical relief…
    ….I found ONE and only one that fit what I was looking for and he and I helped each other through a rough time. We both knew it wouldn’t last and we are still friendly with each other…
    …. A man in this type of situation is good for a temporary connection…”

    Susan! You are a wise woman. It’s very generous of you to share and helpful for other posters on the blog.

    Thank you. :D

    xoxo

    Tuesday, 2 August 2011 @ 10:52am

  149. 149: MelNo Gravatar says:

    SLV,

    “We are pulling for you for whatever makes you happy.”

    Me too! I just wish I knew what would make me happy! LOL.

    I suppose I can be legally separated but still open to reconcile if the opportunity presents itself. And if it doesn’t, it won’t matter because either way I need to move forward. Even if we ended up together again, it would never be the same marriage.

    Tuesday, 2 August 2011 @ 11:06am

  150. 150: MelNo Gravatar says:

    I think that’s why I really LOVE Rori’s horse analogy. I don’t have to completely give up on him. I can keep my heart open to all and ride into the wind. He’s welcome to be one of many that rides with me or falls away. I really like that.

    Tuesday, 2 August 2011 @ 11:22am

  151. 151: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Mel the possibilities are endless. You are young and have age on your side. I feel so happy to see that you are willing to stay open to the possibilities. Keep your heart open no matter what. A hardened closed heart is not the easiet thing to reopen. I can tell you that from experience. I believe in you and feel teary eyed everytime I read about your situation but I know the end is going to be better than the beginning.

    Tuesday, 2 August 2011 @ 11:29am

  152. 152: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Mel – i would not focus my thoughts on any labels ‘separated, divorced’ or outcomes ‘will the men stick’

    Rori doesnt advise dating for an outcome, but dating for therapy.

    There are many men who will date you, your status not important to them – as long as you consider yourself available.

    You do not have to date married or separated men. Even unmarried men can be attached emotionally.

    Your goal here is therapy therapy therapy, and shifting your vibe romantically, focusing on you.

    Feeling like owing others – ‘i wont date/ be on a site until… Something regarding a man’ – is the kind of thought that keeps your vibe closed and is keeping you from attracting your husband or a wonderful man.

    You must do a 180 turn around and put yourself first, drop notions of fairness and obligation, cherish yourself and open up – that might save your marriage if at all possible.

    Waiting until, thinking of what men will think of your status, etc – will just hold you back here.

    Forget everyone and treat yourself as an availabe irresistible goddess – you are.

    Tuesday, 2 August 2011 @ 11:35am

  153. 153: MelNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks Daria!

    I will have to baby step into it though, because this is all very new territory for me.

    Tuesday, 2 August 2011 @ 11:49am

  154. 154: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    I’m looking at Arielle Ford’s new wabi sabi something-or-other. I think I’m already doing wabi sabi as a way of life. Who knew?

    Now, wabi sabi love… I will explore this.

    I just did a kind of wabi sabi at the supermarket this afternoon. I thought I was buying one box of lemonade Crystal Lite and one plain iced tea Crystal Lite… but I got two iced teas, one of them peach…. I guess I’ll wabi sabi and love the peach tea.

    But, since I am me…. wanting what I like and they are on sale, I’ll go buy two lemonade boxes later… so much for wabi sabi… hmmm, :P

    Seriously, lemonade aside, the wabi sabi does sound interesting.

    xoxo

    Tuesday, 2 August 2011 @ 12:05pm

  155. 155: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Mel remember that post I wrote in 110 above? The suggestion is it is about the “self talk”. I would tell myself I am “an available irresistible goddess” over and over again. Your brain will eventually get it. Remember you can be married but have a closed heart so you would not even be available to your husband.

    Tuesday, 2 August 2011 @ 12:07pm

  156. 156: EmoticonNo Gravatar says:

    whats wabi sabi?

    Tuesday, 2 August 2011 @ 12:08pm

  157. 157: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @156: Emoticon says:
    “whats wabi sabi?”

    Something I just saw in Arielle Ford’s promo piece(of “soulmate secret”) email.

    The book:

    WABI SABI LOVE: The Ancient Art of Finding Perfect Love in Imperfect Relationships

    I might check the web site later. But she only offers one chapter for free.

    http://www.wabisabilove.com

    Tuesday, 2 August 2011 @ 12:15pm

  158. 158: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    OOps :oops: I didn’t write that correctly. It’s Arielle Ford who is “of Soulmate Secret book”.” The promo e-mail was for the “Wabi Sabi” book.

    Tuesday, 2 August 2011 @ 12:18pm

  159. 159: alias girlNo Gravatar says:

    aw, “no, puppy, don’t sh*t on the rug” lol.

    thirdtrycd is angry because i told him i didn’t feel the way i want to feel with a man and didn’t feel interested in going further.

    aw. poor puppy is acting out and is texting about giving me oral sex and then called and started about it. i said, ” i understand. i wish you the best.” click.

    puppy needs to go back to puppy school. to a different trainer though. i done.

    aw. puppies are so cute. even their misbehaving amuses me. as long as they are not sh*tting on My rug.

    i had four puppies text me already today. which is weird since i told the puppies i don’t text. lol. so some puppies even tried texting AGAIN.

    aw. puppies are so cute.

    but if a puppy wants to connect with me puppy needs to dial and call.

    aw. i love puppies!!

    Tuesday, 2 August 2011 @ 12:18pm

  160. 160: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Curious, I began reading about this exotic sounding phrase. Wabi Sabi is the ancient Japanese art form of finding perfection and beauty in imperfection. The urn in the photograph was, in the world of Wabi Sabi, even more beautiful and valued because of the crack, because of its imperfection.

    It would take me another few years to realize the true significance of what I read in that article two decades prior…that Wabi Sabi was the answer to the universal dilemma and struggle of living and ultimately loving another person! (A flawed person, I might add, but aren’t we all?). Wabi Sabi was the answer to finding beauty and grace in things modest, humble, and unconventional. It was the way to finding these things even in the ordinary. Simply put: Wabi Sabi held the key to everlasting love.

    The truth of how this art form relates to soulmate love didn’t come right away. Still, the impact of seeing Wabi Sabi as it related to beauty and life was immediate for me. So many things began to make sense. I mean, I knew I wasn’t perfect and wasn’t capable of perfection, but I had never entertained the idea that not only should I NOT strive for perfection, but that my imperfection is and was in its own way more valuable than perfection itself. In terms of my own personal growth and wisdom-seeking, this was a huge emotional and spiritual payday! I decided then and there to become a Wabi Sabi artisan.

    I found it relatively easy to practice Wabi Sabi. I could choose to enjoy and appreciate the little quirks and imperfections of my friends, clients, and employees. Or, I could choose to eliminate them from my daily life altogether. Once I manifested Brian—my soulmate—I wanted to see if two people could apply and integrate the deeper principles of Wabi Sabi into their relationship, while still preserving the juicy joy and magic that brought them together. This became my mission and also the topic of my next book WABI SABI LOVE: The Ancient Art of Finding Perfect Love in Imperfect Relationships (HarperOne, January 2012)

    I can’t wait to share more about Wabi Sabi Love in the coming month’s. I’ve just launched a new website and blog about Wabi Sabi Love. Please visit and you can download chapter one for free and see if you choose to become a Wabi Sabi Love artisan!

    http://www.wabisabilove.com

    Wishing you love, laughter and magical kisses,

    Arielle

    Tuesday, 2 August 2011 @ 12:19pm

  161. 161: EmoticonNo Gravatar says:

    can i get a link to the website? i feel interested in the wabi sabi!!

    Tuesday, 2 August 2011 @ 12:22pm

  162. 162: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Emoticon look at the bottom of the post, the link is there

    Tuesday, 2 August 2011 @ 12:42pm

  163. 163: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    I went to the pub to see my friend who I have not seen for ages…

    I had a pint of lime and soda (no alcohol). Feel good about that.

    The pub is opposite the petrol station where J has his new job. I have not been in there to get fuel recently – have been choosing to get my fuel elsewhere, although I do usually use that station.

    I just didn’t feel ready to see J yet being as how I feel about him not making contact.

    And sitting opposite the petrol station my mind began to wonder if he was in there or not.

    And a feeling of sadness came up.

    Which led to lonliness. It felt heavy like a lead blanket.

    If I trace this feeling back to source I beleive it is more about the underlying belief that nothing better and more fun will come along.

    I feel lonely and scared with this thought.

    Ok flipping it, something better will definitely come along.

    And generally in my life this has proved to be true!

    I am at home now.

    Have been feeling generally very upbeat about things.

    Tuesday, 2 August 2011 @ 12:46pm

  164. 164: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Mel – this is one time where i would say… Move decisively, and move big!

    Change your hairstyle, you mentioned you were blond – try a strong red! Change your makeup! Go dramatic here.

    Get a profile up on POF – its easy – and use your best pictures.

    Do it now.

    Go out with any pleasant man who asks.

    There is a big chance your husband will notice, perhaps get angry… And u can unearth some of that and rekindle the attaction.

    No matter what, you will shift your vibe this way and be into your new powerful life.
    These are babysteps… You can do this!

    Tuesday, 2 August 2011 @ 12:47pm

  165. 165: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Feeling angry pow pow! Dont feel good to feel hit by the wall! Ugh i feel furious!

    Tuesday, 2 August 2011 @ 12:51pm

  166. 166: English WomanNo Gravatar says:

    Brenda

    I only just saw your reply to me on the old blog about your living arrangments!! It’s so hard to keep up at time on here LOL!!

    Hope all went well for you and you have found your own place to live. :)

    Take Care
    Barb xxx

    Tuesday, 2 August 2011 @ 1:17pm

  167. 167: CorinNo Gravatar says:

    Help really appreciated from all Sirens here!

    I’m getting back into CDing again after my ex.This time I want to do it more ‘by the book’ and CD for longer before agreeing to be exclusive. I want to get married and have a family.

    Just got off the phone with a potential CD from a dating site. In the conversation he spoke about “women whose biological clocks are ticking so loud you can here them”. I don’t think I responded as I want to with hindsight. I replied jokingly “well I better not wind mine up until after we meet so you don’t here it”. Uuuugh. Now wishing I said something like “that feels uncomfortable to hear. I know I defnineitly want children and that is somehting I’m looking for in a partner”.

    How do I now backtrack on this? He said he will call again in the week, maybe to meet up Sun.

    My NV’s/ limiting beliefs tell me no man will still want me if I’m open about this. It’s almost as if I believe I have to lull them into security and then persuade them to have kids with me later. Uggh, ughh.

    I want to be open and sireny on this!

    Tuesday, 2 August 2011 @ 1:25pm

  168. 168: CorinNo Gravatar says:

    sp. ‘hear’ not ‘here’

    Tuesday, 2 August 2011 @ 1:26pm

  169. 169: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    heh heh heh :lol: Sometimes you just have to laugh.

    Does this help?

    xoxo

    Tuesday, 2 August 2011 @ 1:27pm

  170. 170: English WomanNo Gravatar says:

    #113 Brenda

    Hey Siren, 45 men!!!! It only takes just one :D

    Tuesday, 2 August 2011 @ 1:31pm

  171. 171: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @164: Daria says:
    “…Change your hairstyle, you mentioned you were blond – try a strong red! Change your makeup! Go dramatic here….”

    Maybe I’ll go red too. I was looking at red the other day; it was intriguing. And peacock eyelids. Add eyelashes and ready to go!

    xoxo

    Tuesday, 2 August 2011 @ 1:32pm

  172. 172: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    SLV – plase link peacock eyelids! feeling inspired!

    Tuesday, 2 August 2011 @ 1:36pm

  173. 173: CorinNo Gravatar says:

    Hmmm. If he calls again I’m thinking of saying.

    I’m feeling uncomfortable bringing this up and a bit nervous. Since we spoke last time about women and their biological clocks, I feel it is important to say that I do want children and for me to be exclusive with someone, that would have to be a prospect for us. What do you think?”

    Ughh. Not that’s not it. I did say later that I want children but would rather wait and adopt with the right person than rush into biological children with the wrong person.

    I guess maybe it’s my judgements of this guy that are calling out the uncomfortable feeling. Ijudge him as a commitment phobe who is too scared to take the responsibility of fatherhood.

    When he spoke about being like Chandler from Friends I did ask if this extended to being commitment phobic and his reponse was along the lines of being 38 and never married so what did I think.

    Hmmm, if i was dating purely as therapy and not to get a result (marriage and kids) with this man then I would practice being open about what I want. I think I kind of did this. Overthinking! the only thing I didn’t share was my discomfort/ judgement about his statement.

    Tuesday, 2 August 2011 @ 1:41pm

  174. 174: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @167: Corin says:
    “…My NV’s/ limiting beliefs tell me no man will still want me if I’m open about this…”

    That “clock” statement did cause me to catch my breath when I read it. Very early on guys will tell all kinds of truths about where they stand on things. Sometimes it’s the way they talk about a movie, celebrities, friends, all sorts of attitudes come out.

    But sometimes guys make little chit chat jokes when they are nervous, similar to your response. I’m curious which this was. I can understand your desire to be upfront about what you want in a relationship. I want that too.

    Perhaps some variation of the “girlfriend” speech would be helpful so that the guy knows what you want but that you do not intend to pressure him to “make him ‘the one’” I think Daria has a first dates kind of speech for this.

    I think these days guys don’t want to feel pressure; I guess I wouldn’t want to feel pressured about anything either. That’s not too much fun and I want to have fun on dates. And I wouldn’t want to be made fun of either or derided for seeking a particular kind of relationship. There’s something to be said for both sides.

    I look forward to your dating success stories.

    xoxo

    Tuesday, 2 August 2011 @ 1:50pm

  175. 175: CorinNo Gravatar says:

    I’m feeling scared. I’m scared that I’m going to be attracted to another emotionally unavailable/ unwilling to commit man again.

    I want to heal the part of me that is drawn to men who hold me at a distance as this is ALWAYS what causes me so much unhappiness and eventually for the relationship to end.

    If my relationships are a mirror of my relationship with myself then it means I’m emotionally unavailable with myself? I’m hiding from the hurt of disconnection as a child or drawn to that hurt again. I read somewhere that we are drawn to hurt an old wound again and again if we believe that the full extent of the pain has not yet been fully acknowledged by others. Kind of a way of shouting out “it hurts! It really, really hurts!”

    Hmmm, to heal that I must connect with that hurt myself so I no longer need others to trigger it. I can soothe that pain myself as I’m the only one that can really heal myself. Then when emotionally unavailable/ distant men turn up, I will be bored and so welcoming of emotionally available men that I don’t even notice them.

    I know exactly what to do intellectually but it’s so much harder than that!

    Tuesday, 2 August 2011 @ 1:57pm

  176. 176: CorinNo Gravatar says:

    SLV, thanks for commenting. Yes, I agree that men will be very truthful at first. He did tell me that his last serious rel ended because she wanted to have kids and he said he wasn’t ready. He said on reflection it was more that he didn’t want to have kids with her. I think I will try a version of the no gf speech if we do have a first date. That would be a more natural place to bring it up.

    Tuesday, 2 August 2011 @ 2:02pm

  177. 177: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @172: Daria says:
    “…SLV – plase link peacock eyelids! feeling inspired!…”

    Me too! I called them that but the makeup palette and routine is called something else. Did you use the link I gave you? The video is in her group. I’ve discovered a large world of makeup on YouTube.

    username: colouredbeautiful

    I’ll look for it later tonight and I’ll post the link but you might find something you like if you surf her YT channel.

    These are young women in their 20s and 30s but I pick up things from everyone! I love all those girls and I’m learning a lot from them! There are a couple of individual eyelashes applications tutorials as well. :D !

    xoxo

    Tuesday, 2 August 2011 @ 2:16pm

  178. 178: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    2 August 2011 @ 1:36pm

    @173: Corin says:
    :….Hmmm, if i was dating purely as therapy and not to get a result (marriage and kids) with this man then I would practice being open about what I want….”

    Is this what you meant? Because if instead of “therapy” you want “marriage and kids” I think it’s really important that you are open about what you want.

    xoxo

    Tuesday, 2 August 2011 @ 2:21pm

  179. 179: CorinNo Gravatar says:

    No I want marriage and kids! I was remembering something written here about the ‘Rori way’ and how we should not focus too much on the outcome. If he doesn’t feel ready for this then he’s not the one for me. I guess I now feel guilty about wanting a family sooner than later. I’m 30. I have time to wait if I meet the right person but I fear that I will meet who I believe is the right person, wait years for him to be ‘ready’ and then it will never come. ‘Not being ready’ may be an excuse to avoid commmitment. I guess there is a big difference between someone saying they want to marry me and have kids with me but want to kids to wait a couple of years.

    Ooooh, I’m scared that MY biological clock is ticking so loudly that men I’m dating can hear it. I suppose it actually is. That’s not a bad thing though! If guys think that’s a bad thing then it’s their loss that they don’t get to father my amazing children!

    Tuesday, 2 August 2011 @ 2:30pm

  180. 180: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @175: Corin says:
    “…Then when emotionally unavailable/ distant men turn up, I will be bored and so welcoming of emotionally available men that I don’t even notice them….”

    It might become boring…eventually… and…I might be setting a bad example but sometimes the Unavailable ones are cute and lots of fun as long as they aren’t the toxic ones. It wasn’t a problem for me to date “confirmed bachelors” because I didn’t want to remarry either. So now that I’m open to commitment, I have some retuning there too…. LOL :lol:

    You can be a “mother”–one way or another– at any age, so don’t pressure yourself either. Babies grow up and are gone very quickly and then there you are with the guy… for years… so you’d better like him a little bit. :D

    xoxo

    Tuesday, 2 August 2011 @ 2:33pm

  181. 181: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    the therapy – is the way to marriage and kids

    Tuesday, 2 August 2011 @ 2:36pm

  182. 182: CorinNo Gravatar says:

    SLV, yes I would much rather wait 10 years to have an amazing rel and adopt than settle and end up tied to somone through children when I had lost respect for him. I feel very strongly about this.

    Tuesday, 2 August 2011 @ 2:40pm

  183. 183: CorinNo Gravatar says:

    Daria,

    Can you give me some tips on first date no gf speeches? I have 3 first dates lining up this week so will get lots of practice! i want no exclusivity until marriage and kids are being seriously considered but will be exclusive before the actual ring. I want a period of full exclusivity to see how we cope with that before I agree to marry someone.

    Tuesday, 2 August 2011 @ 2:42pm

  184. 184: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    thanks SLV – ill look for it in her channel

    Tuesday, 2 August 2011 @ 2:43pm

  185. 185: CorinNo Gravatar says:

    I guess if I fully believe in my siren-ness then I will not have to wait 10 years anyway! Even thinking about 10 years to find the right man feels sad. There are men out there right now who would love to marry me and have a family with me. I simply have to open up and allow them in. It’s not the effort in doing that I need to focus on, it’s the effort in allowing and healing and creating from within. He can do all the doing and hunt me down

    Tuesday, 2 August 2011 @ 2:45pm

  186. 186: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @179: Corin says:
    “… I guess I now feel guilty about wanting a family sooner than later. I’m 30…”

    So young. I had in mind you were 39 with a real ticking clock and trying to make the next five years count.

    Maybe guys your age are “too young.” What age groups are you dating? If this was a big issue and I was 30, I’d head straight for the 35-40 year olds and I wouldn’t look back! I wonder who those would be… I guess all the guys born in 1971-1976.

    I’d probably start with a couple of 40 year old’s just to see if the vibe is right… as in no more clock jokes.. and they are wanting to start a family too.

    xoxo

    Tuesday, 2 August 2011 @ 2:51pm

  187. 187: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    wooo hoo just talked to my previous student and he sounds so mature… looks all grown up and handsome

    super handsome!

    and i feel good! woo hoo

    Tuesday, 2 August 2011 @ 2:54pm

  188. 188: CorinNo Gravatar says:

    SLV,

    My last boyfriend who I broke up with last week was 41 and I’ve never really gone for men less than 5 years older than me. I find it’s less about age and more about emotional availability. Actually I would be happy to wait a few years for kids but i feel so scared it will be too late. I want to work on that fear as it’s certainly not helping me in any way at all. It feels good to hear that you think 30 is young in this respect!

    Tuesday, 2 August 2011 @ 2:57pm

  189. 189: FlowerChild77No Gravatar says:

    Plum/last thread (about finding out he lied and the phone issue)

    I don’t want to argue with you and I know you are just trying to help, but even when I read your posts to others, I feel a bit defensive and somewhat like you’ve ‘attacked’ what was said or described, as though it’s somehow not true and that you (without even being there) know what “really” happened.

    I am trying to learn to trust my ‘gut’ and it feels like you are telling me I am wrong to listen to my intuition. I could understand this if he was a habitual liar and I was always suspicious and doubted everything he said, but that isn’t the case. It’s the very reason I am concerned about it!

    I know I’m relatively new here and that I don’t know all the Siren stuff that those who’ve been here longer know. I am open and willing to learn. I just really feel kind of aggravated when I read some of your posts.

    If I’m going to spend the rest of my life with this man, I need to know I can trust him. (And up until now, I have—completely.) I’m going to drop the subject and work this out myself. I feel like a small child who’s just been scolded. I feel foolish, and underneath that is just plain old anger because I felt like was making some progress and you pretty much told me that I’m ridiculous and “shouldn’t” feel the way I do.

    I’m sure you meant well and I’m just being too sensitive, but part of my journey is learning to speak my truth. I’m just doing my homework.

    Tuesday, 2 August 2011 @ 3:11pm

  190. 190: DENo Gravatar says:

    Alias Girl #134:

    U said “i wonder if sometimes women are just attributing these words to a man’s behavior.”

    I totally agree…very astute of you :)

    I don’t recall either ever hearing a man “I’m confused” either…and it’s us, women, making the judgement …when we try to find an “excuse” for our behavior (accepting crumbs, for example )

    I recall dating someone about 4 years ago…i learned a valuable lesson …

    After several dates expressed he was ready to be in a committed relationship with me and he wants me to think ab it and let him know…

    Long story short, I agree to it…Eight months into our relationship, i discovered lots of IM conversations with various women…one in particular that catched my eye…and discovered he was dating her while he was dating me…yet, he chose me…but they continued to chat/flirt/talk private stuff about us…and at one point he even cheated on me (we had a fight…where he of course, called her to have a good time);

    Finding this out, I asked him…why? he told me…if you had two guys…one that is 1st place and the other happy with a 2nd…wouldn’t u keep both?

    The bottom line, men are not confused…as long there are women willing to accept 2nd, 3rd, 4th place in his life …he will sure take it…he is on the receiving end…

    My theory is the more women learn to act as Goddesses, the less men act like Gods…

    warm hugs,

    Tuesday, 2 August 2011 @ 3:43pm

  191. 191: alias girlNo Gravatar says:

    i lost the recipe to my PERFECT CHOCO MUFFINS! and now i am going to have to go by memory. lol.

    and i REFUSE to get sucked into old crap. i can hardly even pay attention to my NV. they feel useless and like static on a radio and i am just turning the dial to

    FUN! AND LOVE! AND CONNECTION! AND FUNKY AMAZING THINGS HAPPENING THAT MAKE GREAT STORIES THAT I CAN TELL ABOUT MY FANTASTIC LIFE!

    THANK YOU!

    for example!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    yesterday i went to this screening of The Closer (TV show) and twelve members of the cast were there and i got there early to get a good seat but apparently a lot of other people got their MUCH earlier than i did.

    and i was walking into to the room and a man asked if i had validated my parking and i said no. and he held out his hand. in the past i would have Done It Myself. because you just stick the paper in the slot and it makes a noise and walha – done.

    but i handed my paper to him and he stuck it into the slot and then handed it back to me. i commented on the number of people. he asked if i needed a seat. i said yes. he walked me to THE VERY FRONT ROW and pointed out a seat.

    “these say Reserved” i said.

    it’s ok, you can sit there.

    we went back and forth me feeling worried that someone would oust be just before the screening started then i would be stuck with no seat.

    he assured me several times.

    and i sat in the fron row a stone’s throw away from kyra sedgewick and the rest of the cast. (which included a HHG!! oh, i just got distracted from my story. lol.)

    anway i felt like wow. i am really doing something right! and i felt a little teary and i assured myself that the rest of my life is going as easily and smoothly.

    EASY BREEZY! That’s what i LOVE!

    Tuesday, 2 August 2011 @ 3:43pm

  192. 192: alias girlNo Gravatar says:

    #190 DE i felt good to read some of your words. some men will keep a #1,2,3, and 4.

    I, in my present life, in fact, am looking for a #1,2,3, and possibly 4.

    however i do not feel the need to swindle people or mislead them or straight out lie to them.

    my experience is that all people lie. to varying degrees about varying things.

    i like to pick the men where i can tell when they are lying. and then i don’t call them out on every lie so they don’t catch on that i know when they lie. lol. and i pick the ones that i can deal with the kind of lies they tell. lol. i feel very funny and a little embarassed to write that.

    also my experience is the more goddessey i become the more amazing the men become. even the exes and people i have known from before. i am the source of my own experiences.

    even toxic thirdtry cd i know i brought out some of his best behavior and am helping him become king which is why he cannot help but keep being drawn to me.

    “i have way more than 20 guys interested in me…” – daria.

    lol.

    words to live by.

    —-

    oh, and when the other night when i had sex with my friend i asked him if i have four boyfriends if he wants to be one. he shook his head no and said something to the effect that if he was in the #1 there would be no 2,3,4. lol

    but in regards to your ex. he lied to you. although then you found out and still went along with it so he has a bit of a point as far as what HE wanted.

    i adore you DE. i don’t always express things ‘delicately’ or in a way that people feel good about.

    i don’t want anyone to feel bad.

    i want to relate to what you wrote.

    i feel hopeful i did ok but am very open to honest feedback as i enjoy conversing with you. :)

    Tuesday, 2 August 2011 @ 3:55pm

  193. 193: DENo Gravatar says:

    Alias Girl :

    Aww…gosh, i feel adored :) thank u :)

    yes, i let go of the expectation of speaking the truth…
    cause…what is truth? is relative…

    i also agree, the more healing I experience, the more I honor my feelings, people around me heal too :)

    I love the way u expressed it :)

    About the statement “but in regards to your ex. he lied to you. although then you found out and still went along with it so he has a bit of a point as far as what HE wanted.”…

    I feel tempted to explain… on a 2nd thought, i don’t feel its necessary…it’s past…it’s over with…:)

    I welcome your interaction…thank you.

    warm hugs,

    Tuesday, 2 August 2011 @ 4:07pm

  194. 194: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @88: Corin says:
    “…It feels good to hear that you think 30 is young in this respect!…”‘

    Plenty young, my sister had her first (and second!) child in her forties. Don’t even worry about it. You could be married in two years and having children two years after that, plenty of time for honeymoon year and then two or three children!

    xoxo

    Tuesday, 2 August 2011 @ 4:08pm

  195. 195: TeresaNo Gravatar says:

    I haven’t posted in about 6 months because I forgot my handle and password.. not to mention haven’t had time to sit down and do things online much.

    What do you all think about this?

    I have been seeing my baby’s father, since he returned from out of the country in December, when I found out the baby was his.

    We have been immensely happy. He knows that I am not anyone’s girlfriend but that I intend to be married at some point. It seems this really took the pressure off him knowing that I keep my options open, and that he is so happy that we have a baby together – because our relationship has really bloomed in the last several months. 4 months ago he even wanted me to move there with him til we move back to my town. But I don’t want to give up my “home” space here not being certain of any commitment to anything.

    I haven’t really been dating anyone other than the man I currently live with, and truly am not all that concerned about that either since Man-I-Live-With doesn’t seem to intend to commit exclusively to me anytime soon. I don’t have the time or energy for dating right now really. Nor money for babysittters. So I try to go out to events as much as possible if I’m not “dating”.

    Baby’s Father lives 2 hours away currently and will be moving to my town soon when he has money saved. His family lives nearby there, including his mom who is in chemo right now. We visit as frequently as possible – at times a whole week, other times just the weekend- and all but two or three times, he has come to visit ME. He is very good to me, takes me out, always pays, brings things for baby, etc etc. He is more a man of actions than words. When he visits we sleep in the same bed, have incredible amazing sex. When apart frequent communication via email, text, phone, sharing videos and photos, etc.

    Recent visit three wks ago it came out that he thinks I have been in an open rlsp all this time – which is irrelevant except that he thought I would be interested in it I guess. We were discussing something and I said that I was not interested in open relationships and he said that’s too bad, because he is kind of interested in them. We were driving at the time.

    I told him that broke my heart a little bit – just a tiny bit!!(he said “just a hairline?”) but glad I heard it now than later!…that hearing that just makes me lose interest….

    I may have made him feel it was his fault by saying this, I don’t know. It got VERY quiet in the car, and then I turned out of a non-turning lane .. ugh heart thanks for for giving away my disappointment!

    UGH, I am so frustrated with men right now I don’t even want to bother with any of them unless I know they intend to be in a committed relationship. What is wrong with everyone around me and why don’t they want a real relationship? I am seriously considering not having sex anymore until I am married. grrrr. I am angry and frustrated!!

    I INTEND to feel like my energy and time are being invested in something of value, someone who has the courage to take the risk of committing to love me!

    He said sorry I don’t like him anymore – I cuddled with him and said it’s not that! – I love him very much -but I have thought about that a lot and it’s not what I want. there is too much room for trouble, and hearing those words just turns me off. I said it was only fair to let him tell me what he means by “open relationship” but he said “I don’t know” in a dismissive tone indicating either regretting saying anything or just not knowing/not wanting to talk about it.

    This was 3 wks ago – I stopped initiating any contact (as I had been because he FREQUENTLY contacts me). He seemed to do the same. Last three weeks, no real communication other than to arrange visits, or “how are you” “how is the baby” and liking something here or there on facebook or vimeo. etc. His next two visits (each weekend) he brought his sister, then his mom – gut told me he was avoiding spending the night here/having sex/discussion about relationship.

    I was supposed to visit there this week. Before his last visit he told me that he could come pick me and all my things up and if I needed to be back by a certain day he would bring me back -or if I wanted to bring my car I could. Basically he told me that his mom wanted to visit regardless, so just let him know and he could get me anytime. “it’s all about you” he said.

    During their visit his mom wanted me to wait til this last wknd so she would feel well enough to see us too.

    So Saturday night (i know, last minute but it was kind of pre planned) I texted him to see how he was, tell what baby was doing, ask what he was doing Sunday.

    He said he was so tired he passed on going out with some friends that night, and Sunday he was cleaning up his dads before their return from a trip, going to lunch with a friend, and then working at his moms at night- asked what I was doing.

    I said I was thinking maybe if he wanted to come out of the sunrise and take me home… but.. it sounded like he wasn’t going to be free :)

    No response. That is unusual. In fact he didn’t say ANYthing to me from Saturday until TODAY (other than to ‘like’ some quotes about love on my facebook).

    I am suspecting he may be seeing someone else now – prodding the questioning and comment about open relationships 3 wks ago.

    The last three weeks since that comment he has just been less connective, communicative, …

    He is usually all about me, very responsive, … We have been so happy and things have really bloomed between us, we have opened to each other so much.. and now this.

    Now TODAY he texts me “I was thinking about coming to visit this weekend if you are free”.

    How do I handle visits now?

    Should I even act happy about him wanting to visit when I thought I was coming to visit THERE this wk and he didn’t say anything about it –
    and after I’ve told him I felt like we’ve been interacting less (when he has contacted me, after the “open relationship” comment) and I miss it -but no change of anything from him..

    I am not sure what my feeling message is.. or what to do. He caught me by complete surprise.

    Do I stop having sex with him (or ask if he’s having sex with anyone else? – because we don’t have any agreements)

    Do I just stop “seeing” him because he has indicated an interest in open relationships? I feel like any idea that I will tolerate that now should be nipped in the bud.

    How do I handle these visits… at least he has asked me several days in advance for this weekend.

    Maybe I should say “of course! you can come visit this weekend” – and just remain happy and light and see what he brings up while he is here.

    if he were any other man I would just make myself less available. But I can’t make myself unavailable if he wants to visit baby since the baby is nursing, and has a lot of separation anxiety also at his just walking/teething stage.

    I feel weird, anxious, angry… confused.
    I feel ok with him not knowing what he wants but not really ok with seeing him if he’s going to see others.
    Definitely not ok with having sex with him if he is not exclusively having it with me.

    And this definitely doesn’t make me want to move there with him. I have this small fear that if I don’t, instead of us moving back here TOGETHER, he may move here and see other women.. since there are a lot more women here than there.. when instead, moving together could have been a positive step. But I’m afraid it also could be harmful to live together without being committed to each other..I don’t want to move in and then have to move out again. Giving up my “home” space here in Austin without certainty of anything. I don’t want to find myself in this situation again – I have once already.

    I am feeling so unclear right now and having such a difficult time with my baby..it is so hard for me to even think clearly with the baby around..it’s hard doing it mostly by myself here. Hope to hear from all you other Sirens and hoping later tonight I will feel more clear about all this. completely blindsided by this all….

    Now what to say to his text…..

    Tuesday, 2 August 2011 @ 4:37pm

  196. 196: alias girlNo Gravatar says:

    #193 DE aw. it feels good to interact with you.

    it also feels a little uncomfortable for me too because of my own issues with my own self.

    i feel bad i misunderstood part of what you wrote.

    i want to support you and interact.

    Tuesday, 2 August 2011 @ 4:37pm

  197. 197: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Just be with my man.

    Stay with ‘I feel’ … Not ‘I feel … and I want you to do such and such about it’

    Take care of myself first.

    Turn around and walk away if that is taking care of myself.

    Don’t ‘make good’ or pretend.

    What would that look like?

    what different consequences might that bring?

    Be an invitation.

    Find things that make me happy day to day.

    Smile at him (if I feel like it, and lets be honest I probably do even if I am really angry) and appreciate what he brings to me.

    Thank you, I appreciate what you bring.

    You may lay it down on my alter with all the other offerings! ;-)

    Tuesday, 2 August 2011 @ 4:39pm

  198. 198: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Focus on making myself happy.

    That is my ONLY job.

    Wow what a relief.

    Reckon I can do that!

    Tuesday, 2 August 2011 @ 4:41pm

  199. 199: flowerNo Gravatar says:

    congratulations to the author of the letter and to daria for being first to comment :)

    and i dont know what it was that made the ‘my head stuck on guy’ be in front of me today in town and coming over and stopping for a minute and saying hi etc and now im not blocked on facebook anymore either , hah they all show up again at some point for whatever reasons dont they

    Tuesday, 2 August 2011 @ 4:45pm

  200. 200: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    wow just talked to this guy who does this kinda teasing i ALWAYS used to do, and maybe still do sometimes when not conscious of it (decided to stop as i noticed it might not be what i want to do)

    ex… i say something positive about myself… or i say i want something… like massages

    and hes says “oh i bet you do”

    so i used to do this kinda thing all the time constantly with men

    it was my way with relating

    and it feels bad having it directed towards me!

    but it also feels familiar and FUN!! (because its the way my dad used to play with me)

    but inside it still feels kinda bad!

    so i practiced saying it doesnt feel good to be teased

    and he said a lot of ‘im not teasing you, thats YOUR stuff, etc’

    and i did a lot of … ‘that feels bad, i feel sad”

    and i feel glad for the practice

    i wonder what he showed up to heal?

    i bet its around this stuff!

    i still DO tease people this way, but mostly friends of mine

    hmmm

    i wonder why it triggers me so much now?

    i mean, ok i dont do it anymore cuz its teasing

    and maybe its one of those ‘oh-so-subtle’ ways to put someone down and us up that rori talks about

    i feel curious about this

    i would like to heal this

    thank u

    Tuesday, 2 August 2011 @ 4:46pm

  201. 201: TeresaNo Gravatar says:

    Alias Girl:

    “and i REFUSE to get sucked into old crap. i can hardly even pay attention to my NV. they feel useless and like static on a radio and i am just turning the dial to FUN! AND LOVE! AND CONNECTION! AND FUNKY AMAZING THINGS HAPPENING THAT MAKE GREAT STORIES THAT I CAN TELL ABOUT MY FANTASTIC LIFE!”

    and–

    “also my experience is the more goddessey i become the more amazing the men become. even the exes and people i have known from before. i am the source of my own experiences.” >>>>

    YES, YES.

    I love the way you put that in caps- that is how I talk to myself. I add as much emphasis to Feel Good thoughts as I can to get myself tuned in.

    I love your thought about the more goddessy you are the more amazing the men become..

    Also
    “even toxic thirdtry cd i know i brought out some of his best behavior and am helping him become king which is why he cannot help but keep being drawn to me.”

    this feels good too. Can you elaborate on “helping him become king”?

    Tuesday, 2 August 2011 @ 4:52pm

  202. 202: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    From here is a girl who is not comfortable with herself… to here is a girl who loves herself unashamedly, and knows she is just fine how she is.

    She loves and accepts herself.

    Send love to every part of me.

    And my body, just as it is.

    Cus it is just fine.

    Tuesday, 2 August 2011 @ 4:54pm

  203. 203: TeresaNo Gravatar says:

    I love how much of an inspiration you all are. Everytime I find time to visit this site, I feel better the more and more I read! I start to hear YOUR voices replacing old habits and voices.

    Thank you all for your time and energy posting your experiences and thoughts!

    Tuesday, 2 August 2011 @ 4:54pm

  204. 204: TeresaNo Gravatar says:

    Flower #199:
    “hah they all show up again at some point for whatever reasons dont they”

    YES they DO.

    Tuesday, 2 August 2011 @ 4:58pm

  205. 205: DENo Gravatar says:

    Alias Girl #196:

    oh, so sweet…i appreciate the thought…

    okay, since u feel bad, i feel curious why and what part of my initial post re: my cheating story with my ex…appealed to u to give me some sort of “validation” …where u said “he lied to u, etc..”:)

    this might help u find out why u feel bad…i really don’t feel bad…:) i shared the story (short version of it) to introduce how it came ab him accepting attention from more than 1 woman…even though he wanted to be in a committed relationship…:)

    and please don’t take it as an assignment…:) if and when u want to look into it…and want to share…it might help me as well :)

    warm hugs,

    Tuesday, 2 August 2011 @ 5:00pm

  206. 206: alias girlNo Gravatar says:

    #201 teresa. wow i feel so heard and uplifted. thank you. :)

    well, DE had used the word “gods” and i sometimes interchange all those words

    Siren=queen=goddess etc

    God=king=major step up guy

    so i was expressing that my goddess self and behavior was undeniable to him and will trigger different responses in him on his way to kinghood. my goddessness helps him become king.

    i always in my head think that. if a guy comes to me i think he too is trying to become a god or he would not be drawn to me. no matter where he is at in his path, inside that must be what he wants. that’s what i believe.

    Tuesday, 2 August 2011 @ 5:05pm

  207. 207: alias girlNo Gravatar says:

    DE i felt bad i had misunderstood YOU and thus you had said you felt a need to explain (but then didn’t choose to.)

    like maybe i assumed you knew about the other girl when maybe in reality you had not. and i had misread that and responded in a way that felt not accurate to you.

    i intially responded to you because you addressed me personally.

    i feel awkward. like maybe i am not doing this well. lol.

    Tuesday, 2 August 2011 @ 5:09pm

  208. 208: VioletNo Gravatar says:

    Hello, Sirs and Sirens.

    I haven’t commented in a while. I feel I need to get some ‘stuff’ off my chest.

    I don’t feel Siren-ly any more. When I practiced Rori’s tools, I felt great at the time. When I got home, I felt I wasn’t being genuine.

    I’m 55 and feel like I don’t even know myself. Men rarely approach me. I have a really good male friend who told me that I’m intimidating.

    I know I have a strong personality. Perhaps men are turned off by that?

    I literally don’t feel I have energy (or don’t want to have energy) to try finding ‘Mr Right’.

    I don’t even know how to let my heart be open.

    I feel stagnate. I feel that I won’t have true love.

    Any suggestions, thoughts, and/or comments are greatly welcome.

    ~ Violet ~

    Tuesday, 2 August 2011 @ 5:09pm

  209. 209: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    oh wow! learning

    when he says stuff like “i can tell you’ve got game”

    and “i can tell you’re the kind of woman that men give you what you want, ”

    etc

    and it reminds me of when a certain… familiar cd said those things

    i actually feel unseen!

    like one part of me is like NO, im not that woman (she’s shallow and has it easy and therefore does not deserve love)

    ive struggled so hard! I DESERVE THROUGH STRUGGLING!!

    and another part is … like well i WANT to be that woman! yes so what

    and ok good thats the kinda woman i want to be…

    but

    i don’t feel seen!

    i don’t feel “got”

    i don’t feel liek this man sees the weak the needy the emotionally soft parts of me

    and i feel.. .Lonely! and unseen and disconnected… and sad!

    AND>>> now i get something else >>> how some men – that i think – have it all – always have women, and i just Adore them, and think they are the shit – how tehy might feel, with my vibe

    like oh she doesnt get me

    she doesnt get my vulnerability, and that well, im not all that really, i mean i have pains and struggles, and im not perfect

    she thinks i AM perfect

    shes being fooled by my appearances and that i AM successful

    but shes so into me and thinks im so all that that she doesnt get “ME”

    the inner me!!

    omg!

    this poor man!

    i am going to comment and encourage him on his music on facebook!

    Tuesday, 2 August 2011 @ 5:10pm

  210. 210: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    so i just signed in to comment, and i see he’s like commented on 3 of my things!

    i remember i just gave him a compliment yesterday though…

    (so thats why :( )

    thanks nv!

    but now i get that a man wants to feel accepted, not adored

    thank u thank u

    Tuesday, 2 August 2011 @ 5:11pm

  211. 211: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    okay and he’s teasing me, but i feel smily lol

    now im feeling confused

    Tuesday, 2 August 2011 @ 5:12pm

  212. 212: TeresaNo Gravatar says:

    DE:

    I was JUST thinking about asking you all about EFT and if anyone has any certain techniques that have worked well for them. I have done a lot of EFT today on a lot of issues … feeling under a lot of stress. It seems to be helping…

    I have only done it once before and it was amazing – but it was a technique I found on youtube that was pretty involved including certain breathing/humming, eye rolling etc lol -
    It seemed very effective, though.

    Tuesday, 2 August 2011 @ 5:15pm

  213. 213: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    now that cut my desire to go encourage him on his music

    i will just not

    taht is overfunctioning anyway

    i can just keep accepting me, and i bet that will heal this

    Tuesday, 2 August 2011 @ 5:19pm

  214. 214: DENo Gravatar says:

    Alias Girl:

    Oh, yes, soo revealing to me, thank u :)

    Out of comfort, I choose to write under one post things that pertain to me…:) i will certainly keep that in mind…

    also, well…not sure about misunderstanding…cause i didn’t look into it…my temptation to explain resulted from not including in the post my share of mix messages i gave him…reasons he felt unsafe with me…:) so, yes he cheated/lied…for the 1st 4 months of our relationship (till he was sure i was really in)…:)

    that’s the reason i felt tempted to explain…i wanted to own my share fault in the problem…these days, it won’t be one…cause i won’t commit and keep my options open with all men…till on steps up …:)

    thank you for working on this with me…

    warm hugs,

    Tuesday, 2 August 2011 @ 5:21pm

  215. 215: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    @ Daria

    “but now i get that a man wants to feel accepted, not adored”

    Yep it will serve me to remember this too.

    Tuesday, 2 August 2011 @ 5:21pm

  216. 216: TeresaNo Gravatar says:

    #206 -Alias Girl-

    I am so pleased you felt uplifted! Which is what I always hope to do for others… encourage and edify.

    “i always in my head think that. if a guy comes to me i think he too is trying to become a god or he would not be drawn to me. no matter where he is at in his path, inside that must be what he wants. that’s what i believe.”

    Thank you! I love the way you explained this. It feel easy to remember.

    He too is trying to become a god or he would not be drawn to me….

    Tuesday, 2 August 2011 @ 5:22pm

  217. 217: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    hey i just read a breaktrhough about money

    i feel desire for it

    yes i dont believe in it! and I desire it!

    ok what i desire with it is to impress my parents and have them think oh daria is amazing and wonderful and we respect her and admire her

    so i really desire THAT

    and…

    i desire safety medicinally that is that i can easily have access to wonderful healers and medicines

    AND

    that i can travel around comfortably and freely

    and protection and feel safe from being taken up and locked in a cage

    hmm i love me

    so i desire those things, and i desire moeny also so i know that I CAN pull lots of it in

    so i desire to feel confident about my ability to manifest power and status and

    i feel a bit confused again cuz it seems i dont want money but i guess i do and i guess i see how it can just be distorted

    i mean yeah its great that we live in a world where basically we just offer our talents anyway and are given all we want

    however who says having money exist has to alter that it doesnt

    its still a mind thing

    hmm

    feel a bit lost however it feels good to think about not judging my desire for it

    my desire mind knows what its doing

    Tuesday, 2 August 2011 @ 5:29pm

  218. 218: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    money not source of greed ok

    Tuesday, 2 August 2011 @ 5:30pm

  219. 219: DENo Gravatar says:

    Teresa:

    welcome back! u little one has grown sooo nicely …it feels good to see pics of u all on fb :)

    About EFT…i read and viewed quite a bit of Carol Look and Margaret Lynch…also Erika Awakening had great helpful videos and information :)

    I then worked on my own issues…by writing them down …and listing the EFT session to help me with it…I am a hands on kind of learner :)

    warm hugs,

    Tuesday, 2 August 2011 @ 5:33pm

  220. 220: luzydelNo Gravatar says:

    So why do I act so deffensive?

    This guy emailed me saying…I hope you don’t think I am an A-hole, but I just don’t know about you take care…” this was the guy i went on a date last sat, I thought we both felt a connection and he even said we should go to the movies on Friday…Men are such Hypocites LOL

    Well My response was “No I don’t think you’re an A-hole at all’ I think I am just too stable for you. You gave me the impresion to like Darama quess and women who like to give you a Hard time :). I am looking for someone more stable and mature. Take care”

    OK so I wanted to have the last word and I problably offended him. So he did not feel it for me. I could Have said “I feel dissaponted that things did not work weel for you, but I appreciate your honesty” or something like that, but I didn’t and I am not going to torture myself for being a bit of a bitch…I got mad because I got mixed signals.

    I am only Human and I love my frustrations, I love my anger and I love my inner bitch…Time to let go

    Tuesday, 2 August 2011 @ 5:38pm

  221. 221: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Violet – the heart open thing – you can approach this in a physical way

    lean back, palms open to the front at your sides, one foot behind the other, like there’s a treetrunk in your back… release your shoulders, your tummy your pelvis – expand it sideways

    now , imagine theres a zipper on your heart, unzipper it, let it breathe

    everyone can see your heart now, they dont have to see it, its just visible

    also helps me to imagine theres a little firelight glimmering in my heart

    everyone can see it, like im transparent

    it feels cool to imagine i can see other people’s firelights too

    Tuesday, 2 August 2011 @ 5:41pm

  222. 222: alias girlNo Gravatar says:

    #214 DE i’m glad you shared that. it gives me a wider perspective.

    i feel a little confused in this convo and that feels bad. it just feels confusing and i don’t want to make sense of it. i actually feel a little angry.

    i am not sure why. i feel like backing off. and i do not know why. it feels complicated and i feel non understanding and blech.

    Tuesday, 2 August 2011 @ 5:43pm

  223. 223: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    luzydel – you could also go with… ‘whoa that feels bad! i feel kinda angry… and i appreciate your honesty’

    that would feel bad to me (like when handsome man said “i dont think we’re looking for the same thing’)

    anyway handsome man is back now

    Tuesday, 2 August 2011 @ 5:47pm

  224. 224: TeresaNo Gravatar says:

    159 Alias Girl:
    “aw, “no, puppy, don’t sh*t on the rug” lol.
    thirdtrycd is angry because i told him i didn’t feel the way i want to feel with a man and didn’t feel interested in going further.
    aw. poor puppy is acting out and is texting about giving me oral sex and then called and started about it. i said, ” i understand. i wish you the best.” click.
    puppy needs to go back to puppy school. to a different trainer though. i done.
    aw. puppies are so cute. even their misbehaving amuses me. as long as they are not sh*tting on My rug.
    i had four puppies text me already today. which is weird since i told the puppies i don’t text. lol. so some puppies even tried texting AGAIN.
    aw. puppies are so cute.
    but if a puppy wants to connect with me puppy needs to dial and call.
    aw. i love puppies!!”>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

    Thanks for posting this. I love this.
    I fear that saying I love this makes me sound as though I think less of men or look down on them, but I feel bad also for judging myself. I like this because it helps me stop putting men up on a pedestal unnecessarily. PUPPIES. Training. Students. I am the trainer, the teacher. And men, like the Cells FW posted about, will create the picture you direct them to with your speech and actions.

    >>>104: FW: I believe confusion is also a stress “flight” response. I have a girl in my life that I see use it all the time.>>>

    Interesting, probably true at times. Just caught my eye because I am feeling confused right NOW.

    >>>>>102 FW: He also tells us that these immune cells which are protecting you from disease are constantly eavesdropping on the conversation that you are having with yourself.…Your self-talk.
    They listen in and adjust their behavior based on what they hear from you….their master.>>>>>>>>>

    Thanks for sharing this FW!

    >>>>>99 Corin: ‘I open my heart fully to give and recieve love’.>>>>>>>>
    I think I will add this to my meditation or EFT.

    >>>>>>35 flowerchild
    Trust your boundaries
    Feel your feelings
    Use your words and…
    Be surprised!>>>>>>

    I love this… It sounds easy!!

    34 Daria –

    Thanks for posting your conversation with professional athlete! I like to see this in action… helps me learn

    88 daria
    yay i self hypnotized myself to feel sexual pleasure and it felt so good to have an orgasm! yay me i felt more gentle and loving

    What technique did you use to self-hypnotize?

    Tuesday, 2 August 2011 @ 5:54pm

  225. 225: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    okay so i am feeling a bit confused

    i was just feeling bad feeling teased by one man

    but it feels good feeling teased by this other one (who im really into – but im kinda into man 1 too)

    it reminds me of my lil brother teasing me, and sometimes even guywho

    and my sister

    and i dont feel that bad about it or too insecure cuz i feel very secure about the ‘look’ they are laughing at

    and yet

    DO i feel a lil bad that he’s making fun of my look instead of saying

    omg you look amazing?

    i dono

    i think my lil bro who teases me often is into me and would date me if he could

    i dono!

    i feel confused

    !

    it just feels good to have his attention

    and also worreid that this is teasing ‘freind’ attention adn taht it Will feel bad or at least confuseing

    yes it feels confusing!

    eff it

    Tuesday, 2 August 2011 @ 5:54pm

  226. 226: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    okay now i feel like i miss his attention

    i miss that smily feeling i got when he posted that thing on my wall

    but he was TEASING u

    i used to feel that way sometimes when Getright would call me and say somethign silly

    just get a big smile

    okay so i am being paid attention to, but will this work for me?

    i dono cuz apparently i start missing it the instant its not constant

    and why doesnt it seem constant?

    i dono

    i love me

    oh yah! i saw a post about another girl he wrote too
    hmm
    okay i love me

    i wonder what this is here to heal?

    Tuesday, 2 August 2011 @ 6:00pm

  227. 227: alias girlNo Gravatar says:

    i am painting my toe nails purple right now.

    my vibration is

    work.

    work
    work

    i don’t ever want to work again unless it feels good.
    and i want to PLAY and to me PLAY involves other people.

    damn. i was going to go for a hike but i just did my nails.

    POOR PLANNING. because my sneakers and socks will ruin the pedi.

    b*tch.

    i wanna play. i want earth to be my giant playground with fun around every corner and playmates wherever i go.

    Tuesday, 2 August 2011 @ 6:03pm

  228. 228: alias girlNo Gravatar says:

    i’ll wear flip flops on the drive over and hope they dry by the time i get there to squish them in socks and sneaks.

    or f*ck it, i’ll just redo if i have to.

    i hope i have FUN!

    Tuesday, 2 August 2011 @ 6:04pm

  229. 229: DENo Gravatar says:

    So…tonite, feels like it’s gonna be interesting :)

    I supposedly have a meeting with a CD around 7:30pm…yet, he hasn’t confirmed yet :)

    we talked last nite and we agreed on the time :) so, maybe it’s supposed to be a done deal :)

    anyhow, i feel mellow…and since is a wonderful weather outside, i am going to visit one my stores (i need to look for something)…which is near where we are supposed to meet…if he txt/calls, then i am in the area…if not, i accomplished something anyway…getting out and searching for what i need in the store i need to get to :)

    gosh, i also feel horny…:) i haven’t’ heard from T all day…:( that feels a bit sad…but, i know he will :)

    got me a date a jazz place date outing on Friday…a 2nd date…very interesting man…even though not feeling the chemistry from our 1st meeting…

    we shall see…

    Tuesday, 2 August 2011 @ 6:12pm

  230. 230: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    I took a nap until 9 pm. Now I’ll probably be up half the night.

    Tuesday, 2 August 2011 @ 6:30pm

  231. 231: ice PrincessNo Gravatar says:

    I’m so annoyed with all the women commenting on LPs fb page tonight. I know he can’t control who and what is posted but it is still very triggering to me. Ugh!

    Tuesday, 2 August 2011 @ 6:53pm

  232. 232: LilybelleNo Gravatar says:

    229:

    Have fun tonight, DE.

    I have two CD’s lined up for tomorrow and Thursday evening. Whew.

    Up first is ProFishingDude ($$$$) for tomorrow evening. TOTALLY not what my “type” has been but I am practicing being open. BIG time. At first glance, I am not attracted to him physically but his personality is larger than life and that is what sucked me in.

    Up second: GentleDude…Also not my “type”. Again, being open. This one seems to want to be completely focused on his sig other…

    BOTH made the plans, neither asked me anything about it…just what time I was available and then went from there.

    Two CDDudes, neither my normal “type” so yea, I would say I am opening up…

    I am certainly open to being surprised as I practice NOT having a type.

    *Gulp*

    Tuesday, 2 August 2011 @ 6:56pm

  233. 233: ice PrincessNo Gravatar says:

    I think I found the right mind set about the fb postings on his page. I am better than those girls and if he doesnt see it then he doesnt deserve me. What do you think?

    Tuesday, 2 August 2011 @ 7:10pm

  234. 234: SusanNo Gravatar says:

    RE: 233 Ice Princess ~

    Think of it this way… Those women posting on his FB page are LEANING FORWARD.

    Tuesday, 2 August 2011 @ 7:24pm

  235. 235: luzydelNo Gravatar says:

    So after a long consideration, Idecided to disable my online profiles. I have been dating for five years and not a single relationship has come out from Online dating. I have been in over 100 dates aand met around 60 men I am just exhausted and I am about to cry, ot os taking the best of me and I need a loong break.

    I Want to meet people differently, but I have to figure out a way. I feel angry, sad, frustrated and rejected. I dont want to give up hope but everytime I joine online dating and I meet these men I feel angry, and hopeless.

    Tuesday, 2 August 2011 @ 7:30pm

  236. 236: ice PrincessNo Gravatar says:

    Good point. I didn’t think of it that way. Thanks, Susan!

    Tuesday, 2 August 2011 @ 7:31pm

  237. 237: SusanNo Gravatar says:

    RE: 235 luzydel ~

    I understand your frustration and disappointment. You might consider trying Meetup.com and Events and Adventures. Neither is specifically designed for dating. Both are designed to allow people with similar interests to attend events together. Through Meetup I have a group of ladies I play darts with and I joined a sailing club. The sailing club is a singles club but they just hold events. You go and interact with whomever you wish. I am committed with my guy now, so I frequently attend the sailing events with him but sometimes I go solo and practice being open to talking to men. There is no disappointment because there is no expectation. And I do meet men this way. Should my current BF wander off, I already know which men might be interested in me.

    Tuesday, 2 August 2011 @ 7:44pm

  238. 238: VioletNo Gravatar says:

    @ 221: Daria. Thank you for the feedback! What you suggested sounds like it would be relaxing to my inner spirit. I’ve been feeling out of touch, lonely, stressed from work and home, depressed, and just about any other ‘essed’. I hate feeling lonely! Since I rarely get asked out on a date, it seems unlikely that I’d have chances to CD and practice any Rori tools. When am I going to stop being so tired!? It seems like my ‘get up and go has got up and went!’ I would appreciate more ladies giving feedback. Thank you, Violet

    Tuesday, 2 August 2011 @ 7:48pm

  239. 239: TeresaNo Gravatar says:

    Ok, since I don’t really know what to say to him about visiting this wknd, I am going to just …. say… of course you can come visit this weekend! and be happy about it, and then if he comes and asks how I feel, I will tell him… confused.. or.. something. I will work it out. But for now I will just text him Yes about the wknd.

    Tuesday, 2 August 2011 @ 8:12pm

  240. 240: DENo Gravatar says:

    Lilybelle:

    thank u for your support :)

    Yep, staying open with men we aren’t attracted to feels weird doesn’t'? but yes, i noticed if i sense a fun, open, interesting personality, i feel more inclined to meet :)

    Can’t wait to hear details :)

    warm hugs,

    Tuesday, 2 August 2011 @ 8:15pm

  241. 241: DENo Gravatar says:

    So, no meeting tonite …

    I haven’t heard from him…and of course, i didn’t follow up either :)

    My energy feels low as in tired…cuddling in my bed with fav book feels like Heaven :)

    I feel grateful for the opportunity to rest :)

    Tuesday, 2 August 2011 @ 8:17pm

  242. 242: TeresaNo Gravatar says:

    then again, I don’t know. maybe I should let him wonder for a minute. I am kind of pissed off – he hasn’t even written me back in response to my letter (which he said he would..three weeks ago…)

    …..

    I feel bad though, like I should be nice, love unconditionally… blah.

    Tuesday, 2 August 2011 @ 8:19pm

  243. 243: alias girlNo Gravatar says:

    i feel bad to be so polite that it erodes my authenticity.

    because i am intuitive i can often get a sense of what is going on

    and

    i used to caretake A LOT and basically

    eat a lot of sh*t
    other people’s sh*t

    and so they walked away feeling fine and i walked away feeling awful.

    and one day
    i just stopped doing it
    and then i stopped doing it even more

    and i stopped so much and started to feel so good
    that

    i couldn’t go back

    it’s like living under a bridge in a dirty paper box eating garbage

    and then you get a chance to live in a fine home with a big kitchen and gourmet ingredients

    and i would just

    never go back

    even if it means

    no one “likes” me

    and anyway that is a ridiculous NV
    and i laugh carelessly at it
    hohohoho ha

    people do like me
    people do respect me
    people do want to be my friend

    until
    a moment comes
    and things get weird with them too
    and oh well

    i just move on
    i no longer care if my “friendships” or “relationships”
    or “any kind of set-up between humans” doesn’t last forever.

    i care that i feel good.
    i care that i am authentic and true to myself.

    and anything else
    comes later
    if i have time
    or desire

    it’s a big world
    with a lot of experiences
    and so many people
    and geographical regions

    i will never run out of new people
    to try out my authenticity on and
    see if they can
    get wit it

    just like
    i will never run out of men
    or money
    or food
    or clothes

    it’s literally impossible for me
    at this point
    thank you.

    Tuesday, 2 August 2011 @ 8:42pm

  244. 244: PlumNo Gravatar says:

    189: FlowerChild77

    I do not argue what you are saying of your situation, I am putting a different light because you asked us to do so.

    I do not comment posts unless we are asked to or I am addressed directly.

    I have no business in arguing others’ life or others’ way to express themselves or others’ way to interact with others. I talked to you because you asked us to.

    I have no business in telling you how you talk to others or absolutely nothing of what you do is my business and you will not see me commenting anything unless it is about me or addressed directly to me or asked to me or to sirens in general.

    I talked to you only because you asked for our feed back and I felt sorry that only one siren addressed your worry.

    I will talk on this post to you about only you and me. You complain to me about my style with others. I am sorry I will not follow you there, I will not send this ball back to you by commenting your conversation with others. It would be minding what is not my business. I don’t do gossips.

    On this post, I will only speak of you and me and do my best to clear the misunderstanding you point out.
    You asked our point of view, I gave you mine.
    You described a given situation and you asked our feed back
    I gave several rational explanations to what you described. I have not denied what you described.

    If you remember, you wanted to ask him about your doubts and wondering how to do that.
    In answer to your question, I worked on YOUR own words. I have no business in doubting your own description.
    You gave facts. And as it is often done on here, I gave several very different interpretations of these facts. I worked, based on the facts you gave, I did not deny them.
    Among the facts that I did not deny was the non denied fact that he was seen ONCE playing cards on a night he said he would stay home.
    You were wondering if you should interpret the facts as the sign that he lies to you, and you said you were not sure and you did not know how to interpret. Among my several interpretations of the facts given by yourself and that I did not deny, there was the possibility that he lies and also the possibility he simply changed his mind that night and went.
    You could have taken your pick among all the possibilities I cleared up for you, nobody is denying anything, on the contrary the light is put on more possible interpretations of the facts given by yourself and that I did not deny.

    I don’t get into your mind or in your business, I don’t tell you what to believe or what to feel or what to do, I give interpretations of facts given by yourself because you said you don’t know how to take these facts and you asked our feed back. Take what fits you, if any, and leave the rest. A thank you would have suffice.
    Now if you wanted me to validate one specific interpretation, I could not do that because I did not understand that’s what you wanted.
    Had I understood before now, I would have kept silent like everybody else.

    To this break down I did for you, you answered with a post that says you are sure he lied and he lied several times opposed to the first post where you said you don’t know if he lied and he was seen playing cards only once.
    I told you “I am lost”. You surely read it, it was clearly written “I am lost”
    and I told you where I was lost
    I did not deny your facts, and did not comment your feelings, I was telling you I am lost, I don’t understand anymore. The facts are different from one post to another. I had nothing else to say, I don’t comment what I don’t understand. I told you sincerely I was lost.
    On the same post you tell me what you are afraid he is doing, which made me realize I had understood NOTHING of where you were coming from and I should have never answered to your request for help. I did not deny your fear, I said I don’t understand the logic between the new facts and the old ones. I had nothing else to comment because I don’t comment what I don’t understand.
    You surely read it, I wrote sincerely “I don’t understand what you are trying to tell me”.

    ***I’m sure you meant well and I’m just being too sensitive, but part of my journey is learning to speak my truth. I’m just doing my homework. ***

    If your truth includes abusing a poster for answering your request for help, then you have not done your home work before you spoke.
    I was not practicing with you, I was sincerely answering your own request for help until I realized I don’t understand what you are telling me which I sincerely told you and I left it. I don’t comment when I am lost. My sentence was written using *I* which means it was about me, I was lost. I said nothing about what you are or what you should feel or do or think. I spoke of myself and I said *I* am lost , *I* don’t understand.
    I don’t want to be abused for practice, I will not answer to your request for help anymore.
    A tip for the home work: own your stuff before you accuse. Try to see what is your stuff that makes you feel bad and try to see if it is really produced by others or by your own interpretation and reaction to others.

    ***I feel like a small child who’s just been scolded. I feel foolish, and underneath that is just plain old anger because I felt like was making some progress and you pretty much told me that I’m ridiculous and “shouldn’t” feel the way I do. ***

    You are judging yourself and want to make me own the judgments your express yourself about yourself.
    You judge that you are ridiculous for some reason that I will not ask, and you judge that you should not feel the way you do. Your home work would be to work on not judging yourself and when you judge yourself, because we all do and for ever as much as we try not to, if you try to make me responsible for the judgments you make of yourself, you cheat yourself.
    Own your feelings and you will be able to switch them to better ones. Catch your judgments before you accuse.

    Tuesday, 2 August 2011 @ 8:50pm

  245. 245: alias girlNo Gravatar says:

    and my toes look wonderful, dahling.

    Tuesday, 2 August 2011 @ 9:10pm

  246. 246: alias girlNo Gravatar says:

    i feel free. i’m gonna make some choco muffins with some made-up-from-memory recipe.

    wish me luck!

    LUCK!

    everyday i feel more and more free.

    and i realize

    i agree with abraham:

    the basis of my life is freedom

    the reason is joy.

    i feel like a beautiful ray of sunshine.

    Tuesday, 2 August 2011 @ 9:12pm

  247. 247: TeresaNo Gravatar says:

    DE: Good to see you here too! Thanks for the comment about the little one. :)

    Sorry your date didn’t come through tonight, (too bad for him) but yeah. I would rather curl up with books in bed myself. What are you reading?

    :) Hugs to you too!!

    Tuesday, 2 August 2011 @ 10:30pm

  248. 248: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i feel pinched in my heart

    i love the pinchedness in my heart

    and that feels like smiling

    and i love my smile

    and that feels like hehehehmm

    and i love my hehehehhemmm

    and that feels like yawn half

    and i love my yawn half

    and that feels like

    hehehhe

    and i love my hehehe

    and taht feels like

    tightness under my thighs

    and i love the tightness under my thighs

    and that feels like almost yawn

    and i love my almost yawn

    and that feels like

    pinching in my throat

    and ilove the pinching in my throat

    and that fels like yawn

    and i love my yawn

    and that feels like pressure in my forehead

    and i love the pressure in my forehead

    adn that feels like giggling

    and i love my giggle

    and that feels like pressure on the back right of my head

    and i love the pressure on the back left of my head

    and that feels like itching in my butt
    and i love the itching in my butt

    and that feels like squeezing around my hips

    and i love the squeezing around my hips

    and that feels like giggling

    and i love my giggllinga

    and that feels like a ywan

    and i love my yawn

    and that feels like smile

    and i love my smile

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 1:23am

  249. 249: JadeNo Gravatar says:

    @Jade
    I’m not in a clique on the blog. I missed the “free offer” you referred to. I didn’t comment on your post about your LD relationship because you mentioned it had already ended.

    However, on second thought I’ll say that if the guy was limiting your contact to one phone call a week due to distance, that is not necessary. I might jump off on this topic with a long post later this summer. Although keeping flames burning bright might require face to face physical presence, there can be a lot of ember fanning to keep things white hot in the meantime. Skype is very easy to use and free. You could “have coffee together” every morning if you wish…

    #25 @ Senior Lady Vibe:

    He doesn’t have a computer, he’s still techno-retarded, he doesn’t even know how to send a text message from his cell.

    Anyhow, I figured out in the last few days that a couple can’t build a real relationship when they only see each other once a month. I need to find someone closer (after I let that little child grow inside of me, of course).

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 3:11am

  250. 250: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    okay.. .i am now back from looking at NYguy’s pag for like the past couple of hours… and listening to music

    but okay

    i love myself anyway

    and i see him i feel all lit up and smily

    so i want to feel that way all the time that would feel great!!

    ok now i know

    thanks NYguy

    so what do I do now?

    i can do some other fun stuff

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 3:29am

  251. 251: CorinNo Gravatar says:

    Well ‘biological clock guy’ texted me this morning. I replied saying that something was on my mind after the discussion about biological clocks and i felt nervous and embarassed to express it but I was looking to get married and have children and the person who i agreed to be exclusive with would also share that dream for one day.

    I feel so much relief of pressure now I’ve sent it. Part of me is waiting to hear his response if he does respond but a really big partof me feels taken care of me by myself. I wont allow men who share a different dream to me to take me off course.

    All last night I had weird dreams where i was feeling anxious, falling off my balcony etc. I think i was feeling scared and worried that i wasn’t taking care of myself and instead was stuffing and trying to impress a man who might not be good for me. I’m not trying to impress anyone anymore. I’m taking care of me, expressing my truth in an authentic and vulnerable way and that allows men to see how i truely am and if they can offer me what i need. if they can’t then they will release some space for men who can love me that way i deserve.

    Not chasing/trying to impress/ hiding parts of myself I fear people won’t like etc feels so freeing! I can be as happy around others as I am when I’m alone and cherishing myself.

    xxxx

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 3:38am

  252. 252: LilybelleNo Gravatar says:

    240:

    Yes it does and if I am being honest, DE, I feel icky in my stomach about ProFishingDude. You know, that knawing in the pit of your stomach that tells you no, no, no…..

    It could just be fear of stepping out of my comfort zone into an unfamiliar area but I have to try it, at least once and if it feels icky still after, well then I will know that what my tummy and subsequently, my intuition is telling me is true and not a fear based feeling.

    I want to feel happy about going out on dates. I don’t feel happy about this one tonight.. CDating is supposed to be fun as well as healing and this one doesn’t feel fun to me. I feel dread.

    Yet, I am forcing myself to go, to be curious and be open to being surprised.

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 4:03am

  253. 253: RosaNo Gravatar says:

    Note to Brenda,

    Brenda, I feel what you are feeling .
    The hopes rising, the joy, then the dump.
    The sadness, the questioning, the tears, the disillusionment.
    Then, Brenda, the harking back to the past and the despair.

    Take heart Bren. You are a winner.
    I feel so much changed with you lately. The whole vibe is one of confidence and persistence and ATTRACTION.

    The little relapses to the old “ryan’ loops are normal because you are not stuck there now and your ACTIONS ( Craigslist ad , dating ) are those of a woman who is attractive and present for a good man to find.

    I am just so heartened to read this .
    It inspires me to get back on my horse.

    I have settled in to dating 2 men currently who are loyal , constant FRIENDS. I like them both but I am not “in love” or even in lust with either , and they dont touch me.

    A friend told me i need to say to them that i am looking for a man who wants all of me and all my femininity and I should move on.

    I would lose two great friends and activity partners if I did this and on top of my move, this loss would be difficult.

    I met a man through work who is very attractive to me , absolutely not available due to our work relationship and his marriage which i totally respect and have worked with him to improve. Rather , it just shows me that i CAN still be attracted and I CAN still feel feminine despite the events of the last 8 months.

    I also realise I am fooling myself continuing to CD men who are friends only and too scared to touch me.

    It feels bad to give them up. It would feel worse to have “the talk” and berate them for not coming on to me , then dump them.

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 4:08am

  254. 254: RosaNo Gravatar says:

    I have moved from an Imaginary Friends With Benefits Non relationshp situation to Friends Without Benefits dating ..

    its so odd to consider :)

    It would feel good just to be wanted for all of who i am by a good man who i liked and was attracted to. It doesnt seem too much to ask.

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 4:15am

  255. 255: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @254: Rosa says:
    “…I have moved from an Imaginary Friends With Benefits Non relationshp situation to Friends Without Benefits dating ..
    its so odd to consider
    It would feel good just to be wanted for all of who i am by a good man who i liked and was attracted to. It doesnt seem too much to ask…”

    I’m going to accept that there are many beings in my soulmate tribe, I probably won’t meet all of them, some of them might be the same gender as I, older or younger, even furry or feathered and I don’t have to marry all of them or even be “romantic” with all of them.

    :D

    xoxo

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 5:03am

  256. 256: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    I must have been tuping too fast and the italics queen has returned. :oops:

    Off to find tink…

    xoxo

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 5:05am

  257. 257: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @254: Rosa

    I’m going to accept that there are many beings in my soulmate tribe, I probably won’t meet all of them, some of them might be the same gender as I, older or younger, even furry or feathered and I don’t have to marry all of them or even be “romantic” with all of them.

    I hope that is better…

    And to add… I don’t think there are any finy or scaly members of my soulmate tribe but maybe I’m wrong about that.

    :D

    xoxo

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 5:10am

  258. 258: CorinNo Gravatar says:

    Rosa,

    I’m trying to consider in what ways my relationships with others are a mirror of my relationship with myself. How much do you view yourself as you believe others are viewing you? How can you overcome this and love and accept yourself more?
    xxxx

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 5:11am

  259. 259: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @249: Jade says:
    “…#25 @ Senior Lady Vibe:
    …Anyhow, I figured out in the last few days that a couple can’t build a real relationship when they only see each other once a month…”

    Perhaps I can; however I’m taking a lot of range with the interpretation of “see each other.” My group of possibilities is smaller so I aim to broaden it.

    :D

    xoxo

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 5:23am

  260. 260: MelNo Gravatar says:

    I have a question (and a frustration).

    Lately it seems many people in my life (family/friends, ex) act as though they have zero confidence in my ability to take care of myself.

    For example, I was telling my dad about the apartment. First he starts off by questioning if that’s what I really want to do. Then he starts saying things like ‘hmmm… a basement suite… uh… are you sure it’s not going to leak?… hmmmm… is it in a safe neighborhood?… did you make sure that the lease is okay?… Oh really? you’re not going to have room for a couch?…Are you sure you don’t want to do _____?” It drives me nuts! As if my every decision needs to be questioned.

    It makes me feel like people think I’m a complete idiot. That’s not a feeling… okay… It makes me feel unheard and disregarded. I feel like my decisions don’t matter and that I’m being judged and corrected.

    Did this happen to any of you? Did your well-meaning family/friends offer unsolicited advice on even simple mundane things? How did you handle this?

    Last night I said “I don’t want to talk about this any more. I have to make a decision based on the current situation, not on what may or may not happen in 2 months. I am an adult and I know how to take care of myself. When people question my every choice, it makes me feel like they don’t have any confidence in me. I feel exhausted having to explain and justify things to everyone, because it’s not just you, but virtually everyone I talk to. It feels like the same conversation over and over again and that feels tiring.”

    My dad said it’s just that he’s worried about me and cares about me and wants to help. How do you say that meddling isn’t helpful?

    He said the thing is that he just doesn’t know what to say or how to act. I told him just to act normal. LOL.

    Also husband this morning rolled his eyes at me when I was saying something and then gave his opinion on the matter. Major trigger. Eye-rolling = you think I’m an idiot. = I’m going to shut down now. = I’m not going to listen to a word you have to say even if it’s good advice = up goes a BIG wall to keep you out. I really hate eye-rolling. Especially since I’m feeling really sensitive to judgement and criticism right now.

    I think I did an okay job of telling him that felt bad. That I felt unheard and corrected and judged.

    Second trigger= when you say how you feel and people EXPLAIN why they did it rather than acknowledge your feelings. I would rather no response than an explanation of why my feelings are wrong. Husband is notorious for this. Now I’m feeling more unheard, I feel 2 inches tall. I feel angry. Even if I didn’t intend to do something, if I learn that what I did made someone feel bad, I still think it appropriate to apologize. … I’m sorry I hurt your feelings, that was not my intention. Now I’m mad at myself for expecting anything different of him. Expectations get me every time. I just want to be treated kindly and respectfully. I deserve that. Not really sure how to communicate these boundaries. Perhaps I just need to start walking away. He doesn’t want to hear how I feel.

    I am definitely noticing a theme though. I am constantly being triggered about feeling incompetent and stupid. I must be worried that I will make the wrong choice, that I don’t know how to take care of myself. But I DO!!!!!!

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 5:30am

  261. 261: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @172: Daria says:
    “…SLV – plase link peacock eyelids! feeling inspired!..”

    It was “peacock” after all… “peacocky” to be exact. I watched the vid last night and I was disappointed. I had seen the final look and I liked it but
    “Peacocky” video did have the kind of instruction that I’d seen in Ebony’s earlier vids.

    An example is the one linked below. You might like to experiment with that look too… It has kind of a shimmery siren look…

    78 Palette: Chartreuse & Purple Look
    http://www.youtube.com/user/colouredbeautiful#p/u/12/akA4clK3Mc4

    :D

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 5:33am

  262. 262: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    And here’s the peacock one too…

    Exotic Peacocky Look (MAC)
    http://www.youtube.com/user/colouredbeautiful#p/u/106/p9nkKwhvWYM

    :D

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 5:35am

  263. 263: CorinNo Gravatar says:

    Mel,

    I’m really working on noticing that people in front of us simply reflect how we are with ourselves. How much do you trust that you can take care of yourself? If I was in your situation after 10 years of marriage I would definitely have some fears and concerns. How can you cherish that part of yourself that if fearful (if that is the case, just a suggestion it may be something completly different) so that it feels soothed?

    If we are bothered by somone else’s actions I find it is ALWAYS because it shows something in ourselves we are struggling with. If that was not the case then it wouldn’t bother us so much.

    xxxx

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 5:36am

  264. 264: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    That should be…

    I had seen the final look and I liked it but
    “Peacocky” video did NOT have the kind of instruction that I’d seen in Ebony’s earlier vids.

    well,,, you’ll see… it’s kind of a fast forward application without the narration as in some of the other videos. Still… it’s intriguing…
    *)

    xoxo

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 5:40am

  265. 265: CorinNo Gravatar says:

    Wow, biological clock guy responded in such a positive, open and equally vulnerable manner! I’m really starting to get results from the whole strong on the inside, soft on the outside concept. I also love to focus on myself as shining out my siren-ness and having no more work to do than that. I don’t need to convince/chase/suppress anymore. That feels so good.

    However I do have a lingering fear that this all goes well until I get more deeply involved with someone and our defences come up. This is the route my relatioships always take. My ex used to say that he loved my emotional vulnerability but he still wasn’t making me enough of a priority in his life for me to stick around. I’m only responsible for my side though. If I focus on vulnerability and honesty no matter what, good things can keep rolling in, even if it means I walk away to find something even better.

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 5:52am

  266. 266: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Corin I am thinking that though the clock comment might feel icky, it might be worthwhile to bring it back to yourself. Is there anything you might have said in your profile or your conversation that could have given this off? I would explore that and if not then you have nothing to worry about. If it comes up again I might even find a playful way to find out from him if he hears mine and see if he could tell me how loud it is ticking to him. It might be just his fear of commitment issue because he migth have experiences with other women who immediately want to grab onto him and put him in a cage. If he senses that you are keeping your options open for the best man who will offer you what you want he might feel less pressured. My guess is that he will be okay if he senses you are in the dating pool for fun while keeping your options open until the one man who will walk off in the sunset with you shows up. Daria’s previous post with her conversation where she told the guy there are more than 20 men interested in her and she is not looking for a boyfriend but plan on being open until something serious comes up might be the way to go.

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 5:58am

  267. 267: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Mel I have not finished reading your 270 but just wanted to quickly suggest that you consider this the Universe returning the Waterwheel with love towards you. People can only do the best they know how. Appreciate their comments and let them know you will consider it but will do what you feel is best for you.

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 6:02am

  268. 268: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Sorry Mel I meant 260.

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 6:03am

  269. 269: RosaNo Gravatar says:

    Brenda, from Evan Marc Katz
    Have you recently had a bad date that, at the end of the night, when you curled up in bed, the only thought coursing through your head was “I hate dating!”

    Have you recently ended a relationship that left you hollow inside, either because he turned out to be world-class jerk or because he was a man with a ton of potential who never lived up to it?

    Have you ever taken these experiences and decided that the best move would be to take a semi-permanent break from men?

    If so, I feel for you.

    It’s painful to put yourself out there again and again, only to end up in the same frustrated, lonely place you were before.

    So you draw the most logical conclusion in the world: if I don’t date, I can’t get hurt.

    It’s foolproof in its logic.

    Truly, if you don’t date, you can’t get hurt.

    You also can’t fall in love.

    And that’s where your semi-permanent “guyatus” is a TERRIBLE idea.

    If you’re truly sick of having guys break your heart, the answer is not to quit, it’s to persevere with a new perspective and attitude about dating.

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 6:03am

  270. 270: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    RE 260 Yes Mel it feels somewhat like judgement but I would ask myself, where am I judging myself.

    Eye-rolling can be handled with “I noticed the eye rolling when I said and I am wondering how you felt about what I said?”

    Mel I also noticed that after you repeated yourself a couple of times you did not choose to walk away from the conversation that was making you feel unheard. “I feel like a child being scolded and I don’t want to feel like that with you so I am leaving to take care of myself”.

    Second trigger – I was reviewing CCarter’s book last night. He says men have different emotional potential and he seems to believe that some have none because he describes them as a dry well. He encourages women to leave those men alone otherwise one have to be very patient to draw out the emotionality in such men. Your husband’s potential might be very low. He might also be wanting to help you but is feeling helpless because deep inside he either knows you don’t want his influence or he is feeling badly for putting you in this situation. He might be trying to explain because he is taking what you are saying personal – maybe even feeling criticized by it.

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 6:14am

  271. 271: SusanNo Gravatar says:

    RE: 260: Mel ~

    When I divorced after 21 years of marriage, I was also treated as incompetent. And the eye rolling thing also triggers me. (So does shoulder shrugging.) Every decision I made was questioned and every new thing I tried to leaned was loudly cautioned against (as if I were accident prone and unable to learn anything.)

    My solution was to let the people I love know about things AFTER THE FACT. Several people loudly doubted my ability to figure out how to install a ceiling fan. I told them I had already done it AFTER I had installed 3 of them in my house. It was hard to learn, I admit, but I did manage to learn. It was the same with the time a huge limb broke off a tree and blocked the road in front of my house. I bought a chain saw, cut it up and stacked it for pickup. In the snow. It was hard. I had bruises. When I told my mom what I had done, she immediately said I couldn’t handle a chain saw. I laughed and said it was a good thing I didn’t talk to her BEFORE I handled the problem, and that it had been handled properly.

    I was told I could never learn to sail a 22 foot (or larger) boat. I took a 20 hour on-the-water course and I am now certified by US SAILING and I sail 22 foot racing sloops. I am 55, by the way.

    These are issues where you just have to let your inner boy handle things.

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 6:14am

  272. 272: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Mel you said you would rather him acknowledge your feelings. CCarter says be the change you want to see in the world. I know you are in “separation” mode but I would try acknowledging his feelings to experiment with what that would result in. This is a husband so I believe to a certain extent the context would still be “team-like” and in any event it would help clarify for you the impact you can make in another relationship. Next time acknowledge your father’s feelings or whoever feelings first just to see is what I would say.

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 6:18am

  273. 273: RosaNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you SLV and Corin.
    Speaking of furry and fun , just been wrestling with 16 yr old son ,homo sapiens and 10 yr old doggus gorgeosus :)

    I am probably a walking talking “Beware ” sign ..how does one know?

    I must be ! the one nighters have disappeared from my horizon and the only guys around would seem to be as happy as if i were their Grandma!!!

    So am i projecting Grandmaishness?
    Well lets start with nots.
    i am NOT sending sexy wink wink texts .
    I am NOT on the free websites .
    I am NOT promising future delights if they date me now.
    I am NOT pretending anything.
    I am NOT unavailable.

    I am , like Brenda, tired of the dating and tired of not being a real woman who is sexually desirable…hot even!!!!…exciting and pursuable…

    I FEEL hot
    I FEEL desirABLE
    I FEEL worthy.

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 6:22am

  274. 274: CorinNo Gravatar says:

    266- FW.

    Yes he is definitely reflecting a fear of mine right back at me! I have considered ‘settling’ to have children in the past. This is very much a fear that is holding me back. Thank you. I will do some EFT on it today. I’m imagining holding my beautiful child with my loving husband beside me right now xxx

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 6:24am

  275. 275: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    RE 271 Susan in the case of men I believe this chainsaw type of thing is the thing we can use to hkelp them feel “needed”. Some have that need. I have not been the type to ask for help but I am learning now. I helps some guys feel like they can be our heros sometimes.

    Having said that they also appreciate that we can be independent so taking a balanced approach is the best way to go is what I believe. With the loud cautioning type of thing now I ask myself if there is anything I might have said that suggested to them that I need validation.

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 6:27am

  276. 276: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Re 274 That is fine Corin make peace with that picture. That is what you want. It is a lovely picture and I am sure any man would want to be in that picture. He just needs to know that it does not have to be him. Your relationship is more important than the man himself,

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 6:29am

  277. 277: CorinNo Gravatar says:

    273- Rosa,

    Yay! You are hot and desirable! How does it feel when you imagine that being seen and appreciated by men all around you as you go about your daily life? Radiating hotness! Is there are fear or discomfort when you imagine this?

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 6:30am

  278. 278: MelNo Gravatar says:

    Re 272:

    Fw…

    So would that look something like “I know you guys love me and are concerned about me. I appreciate your support. I want to be independent and do things on my own, and you can support me best by showing confidence in my abilities.”

    Is that what you mean?

    How would that look for husband? It’s harder with him because I don’t really know what he’s feeling. AT ALL. Sometimes it seems like he hates me. Sometimes he seems ashamed. Sometimes he seems helpful. Sometimes he seems friendly. Sometimes he seems utterly annoyed with me. I just never know what emotion is going to come out.

    So… “I noticed an eye roll while I was talking and was wondering what you were thinking. I appreciate your advice, and know you want to help, but in this moment I’m feeling disrespected. Are you feeling frustrated about something?” Hmmm, I don’t know because the last bit would only be my best guess about what he was feeling. Maybe how I would feel if I were to roll my eyes at someone.

    What do you think FW?

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 6:30am

  279. 279: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    By the way Mel, I was thinking about a past relationship where I told the guy if he left me for the other woman (I was young back then) that he was settling for second best and that he would not find another woman who would love him as much as I do. We were effortless with each other. I guess because of youthful indiscretions he went. 20 years later he came back to try at least twice after she left him. He told me he felt he would not be happy until he got me.

    I am thinking that at some point when you are feeling at your most sireny you should suggest something to that effect to your husband. Finding someone who really “gets” you and want to be with you does not happen overnight. I am sure he is aware of that. Maybe at a point where you sense he is doubting his decision might be a good moment to suggest something while wishing him the best in his life. You never know, he might allow it into his subconscious where it might come back up to haunt him in the future while you are having a fabulous life.

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 6:35am

  280. 280: MelNo Gravatar says:

    Susan (Re: 271)

    LOL! AFTER the fact is a great idea! :)

    If I want advice I can say “I’m thinking of _____ what do you think?” and if I don’t, I’ll just do it and say “BTW I did ______.”

    Sometimes I still get “You SHOULD have done ______.” though, so I’ll have to work on that one too. :)

    The picture of you out there with a big chainsaw made me smile! :)

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 6:35am

  281. 281: MelNo Gravatar says:

    FW: Re 279

    Yup, I just have to make sure it doesn’t come across as me “reaching” for him. I’d have to be sure I was in a sireny mood for sure!

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 6:38am

  282. 282: RosaNo Gravatar says:

    SLV , thinking more about my soulmate tribe..thank you for that thought.

    My human soul mates are valuable to me , and doc man is one for sure …the difference is i dont feel like the Special Sauce. I want to enrich , add flavour , and texture and SPICE to my mans life . In my 50′s that feels like life, being the sauce.

    If i am not saucy and spicy and not any man’s DISH, then I am less than myself , and if my kids are comfortable tnd dont need me, then i could be DONE. And I am not into being done !Cuss and swear!! ***&&

    I feel i am MORE , not done, I am scarred sure, cancer does that.., but i am still lovable .

    I am resisting

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 6:40am

  283. 283: MelNo Gravatar says:

    Corin: Re 263

    Yeah for sure! I can definitely reflect that back on me and say… wow I must be worried I won’t be able to take care of myself or this wouldn’t bother me so much.

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 6:40am

  284. 284: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Mel I would go slowly, one sentence at a time to allow him to absorb it and give him time to respond.

    With the eye rolling rather than thinking I would ask about the feeling or maybe look for a word to say “are you feeling insignificant”. I suggest ask about the feeling under the action or what he is saying because I noticed Margaret Paul at Inner Bonding suggesting something similar recently. Also in the Emotional Intelligence course I did earlier this year it was recommended. I used it with someone recently and it magnitized him so close to me sometimes I feel uncomfortable because he tends to come too physically close but I take it as helping me to open up to intimacy.

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 6:40am

  285. 285: SusanNo Gravatar says:

    RE: 275: Femininewoman ~

    At the time, there was no man I could ask to assist me. If I didn’t do it I would have had to hire it done. I didn’t have the money to hire it done, so I just took care of things.

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 6:41am

  286. 286: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Rosa,

    RE: #253 – I really appreciate your encouragement! You really helped me see where I currently am in perspective. You’re right – I am growing, and my vibe is improving. And I can’t just give up every time I hit a bump in the road.

    It takes a lot of emotional energy to meet each new man. I don’t think I could ever sustain 5 in my rotation. Maybe 3. I guess I’m already somewhat filled because I have Kenny and New Jersey on the phone with me every day. I still have only met New Jersey one time, after about 3 months. I invited him to a party this Sunday – let’s see if he comes.

    I still feel really bad that York hasn’t contacted me for a second date. I feel like contacting him, and I am resisting.

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 6:41am

  287. 287: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Dr. Paul says that a man who uses “should” a lot is an indication of someone who has weak boundaries.

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 6:42am

  288. 288: RosaNo Gravatar says:

    Mel Hi and blessings.

    I am amazed by your immediacy and presence …well done.

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 6:44am

  289. 289: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    RE 281 Mel the thought of “reaching” for him suggests to me that you are questioning your siren skills and your belief in yourself as a goddess. I have read that in the presence of a siren other women are not competition for you. I believe it is in the attitude we exude. You have to believe you are a siren Mel who can magnitize any man to you. You are a goddess who any good man will want to scoop up.

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 6:45am

  290. 290: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    #260

    half hour riff Whew. I can use some caffeine now…

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 6:46am

  291. 291: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    RE 285 Yay Susan, you independent woman you. I would have second guessed myself on the chain saw deal.

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 6:46am

  292. 292: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Mel whatever choice you make it is just a choice, neither wrong nor right. It is an experience that you will learn something from. Not right or wrong. Life is just a string of experiences. Choose to just experience life. I believe Rori has a post that says something similar.

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 6:49am

  293. 293: DENo Gravatar says:

    SLV #261& 262:

    Wow…thank you so much for sharing these videos…i looove it…:) i am always interested to find new looks…

    warm hugs,

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 6:49am

  294. 294: MelNo Gravatar says:

    SLV… LOL! :) I’ll make you an espresso if you want to stop by!

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 6:53am

  295. 295: RosaNo Gravatar says:

    286 Bren , love your resistance …I Do !

    I love all these MEN occupying your mind space . I love that they are energising you :)

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 6:53am

  296. 296: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @271: Susan says:
    “…These are issues where you just have to let your inner boy handle things.,,,”

    Every day… LOL :lol: I think I’m going to refer to this as my “inner me.”

    (singing) All of me…. all of my inner me… la-la-la…

    :D

    xoxo

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 6:55am

  297. 297: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/love-life/to-get-more-love-take-in-more-love/#more-2010
    The solution is to PRACTICE opening your heart, little by little, baby-step by baby-step, and letting like and love in without trying to fend it off, push it back, or make it small enough for your inner misery voices to tolerate.
    The solution is to get your inner Nasty Voice to quiet down a bit and not feel so scared and activated by getting it slowly USED to your being loved!
    You can do this by simply starting with loving YOURSELF!
    I know it seems too simple – but really – how much time do you spend totally appreciating YOU! Dressing you to feel good? Making you pretty and happy and soft and humming along? Giving PLEASURE to yourself every way you possibly can?
    Taking every opportunity to tell yourself how much you love you and to smile at yourself and pat yourself and make love to yourself and sing to yourself and dance for yourself and slow yourself down so you can take all this love in….?
    Try starting here – with you loving you…and then expand a bit.
    Include the children and old people and strangers you encounter out in the world. Let their smiles get into your heart, and let your smile OUT.

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 6:55am

  298. 298: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Mel RE 292 I think this was the post that came to mind, don’t know if it is relevant.

    http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/dating/be-an-investigator-of-experience/#respond
    We are not detectives of “thoughts” we are investigators of experience, through the medium of feelings — Rori Raye
    This sort of came out of my mouth during one of my teleclass support group sessions, and I quickly wrote it down, because it’s pretty much the bottom line of what we’re doing here.
    Instead of searching for a “result,” instead of living in the place where you’re striving for your “goals” – we’re about experiencing the moment, using it as an opportunity for awareness and illumination and practice, and letting the future unfold.

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 7:04am

  299. 299: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Rosa,

    RE: #269 – “Guyatus”! Love it! Thanks for posting that!

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 7:04am

  300. 300: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @273: Rosa says:
    “…the only guys around would seem to be as happy as if i were their Grandma!!! So am i projecting Grandmaishness?…”

    Hmm, don’t know. Could it be you are projecting what you think “grandma-ish” is? I’m a grandmother… a “hot” one, I think. Or at least semi-warmish. LOL :lol:

    You have dates, so there is no “beware” sign. IMHO, you have what you need right now in this time and place. Perhaps the “hot stuff” is up ahead and will be there when you are up to full steam. Yeah, I think so…

    xoxo

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 7:05am

  301. 301: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @282: Rosa says:
    “…then i could be DONE. And I am not into being done !Cuss and swear!! ***&& …”

    Definitely… NOT… done… LOL :lol:

    xoxo

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 7:12am

  302. 302: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @293: DE

    They are fun. I’m exploring… I might not go as “colorful.” For me, less might be “more.”

    The individual eyelashes application and eyebrows makeup videos really interest me. I might have to master those because my eyelashes and brows are rather sparse.

    Fun, isn’t it? :D

    xoxo

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 7:19am

  303. 303: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @294: Mel says:
    “…SLV… LOL! I’ll make you an espresso if you want to stop by!…”

    Thanks! I’ll walk over to one of my local Mickey D’s and bring back a couple of the coffees; theirs are weak enough to be just right for me. It’s more an excuse to take a walk. I need to learn to work my coffee maker but it’s more fun to go out.

    xoxo

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 7:24am

  304. 304: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Mel a reminder of a speech Rori recommended to someone. I believe you could tweak it a bit for your situation. If anger I believe it can show on your face but the energy cannot be more intense than the situation

    “1. don’t like being talked to this way. I feel very upset and angry. I want to hear you and i cant do it well when I feel attacked. And I don’t want to tolerate this so I am leaving/going in the other room. That looks like. I don’t like being talked to this way. I feel very upset and angry. I want to hear you and i cant do it well when I feel attacked. And I don’t want to tolerate this so I am leaving. “

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 7:28am

  305. 305: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Another reminder

    “Factor #3: All of my relationships support me to be my best me and to live the life I want, or I don’t have them.
    This can be one of the hardest milestones, because it means putting a big stake in the ground for yourself. It requires honoring yourself SO much that you only have relationships in your life – friendships, romantic partners, even relatives – that give respect, trust, unconditional love and truth”.

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 7:29am

  306. 306: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @299: Brenda says:
    “…Rosa,
    RE: #269 – “Guyatus”! Love it! Thanks for posting that!…”

    Hi! That was in the newsletter I referred to yesterday. I hope you got a chance to read all of it. I knew right away he was talking about him self with the feminized pseudonym… hahahaha… I’d read all those “bad date” stories before. :lol:

    xoxo

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 7:29am

  307. 307: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    “It would feel great to be with you. I
    feel awkward and excited even talking about this.
    And I don’t want… a boyfriend or a live-in
    relationship at this point in my life. I’m looking
    to be married and be a mother. So, until you’re
    sure you want marriage and fatherhood, it would
    feel better to just date and keep my options
    open.
    “I feel so much love in my heart when I see your beautiful
    face” – then EXPRESSING it (without any caring at
    all what happens or what he does after we express
    it) has to be ALL we want. If there’s even a tiny, tiny bit of expecting
    him to do the same – then we’ll push him away.
    He won’t feel our love, he’ll feel PRESSURE.
    He won’t feel our open heart and body and
    passion just ready for him to dive into – he’ll
    feel our expectation.
    He’ll feel that we want something from him.
    And that feeling of being pushed and pulled
    will send ANY man running for the hills.”

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 7:32am

  308. 308: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    This is another one I keep going back to

    “1. Love is freedom. The freedom to let go off control.
    We experiment love, we feel love, we share love, we are love.
    We don’t control love. Life without love feels scary, unsafe, it felt like i was always being dismissed… my attempts to feel close…
    1. I feel judged for being me, for being true and open and raw and ugly and messy. Loving all of the features we have — the perfect, the quirky, the downright ugly — is one decision that creates beauty.” I honor myself. I feel confident that honoring me and expressing all my voices is the most honoring thing I can do fort family and humanity.”

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 7:34am

  309. 309: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Corin from my saved archives, something you might be able to tweak for the biological clock guy

    “I’m having a really awesome time with you and you are sexy as heck.  That’s why I feel like I need to tell you that I’m looking for my happily ever after man not just a boyfriend.  I feel like I’m ready to make that kind of commitment and to have someone to love and share my life with and have a deep connection that grows stonger with time. So I would like to see things go to the next level. What do you think?”

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 7:37am

  310. 310: MelNo Gravatar says:

    Hey Lilybelle,

    I wish you a great old time with fisherman CD tonight! Maybe pack your hip-waders just in case! ;)

    Seriously though, it sounds like you are being SO open and sireny! I’m feeling really appreciative of you right now because seeing you be such a rock star inspires me daily!

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 7:39am

  311. 311: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Got this in an email
    “Anne Sullivan, teacher of Helen Keller, tried again and again to teach her the concept of words. The gifted tutor worked tirelessly to draw out of Helen the treasures buried deep inside her. She literally ‘willed’ Helen to succeed. Watching this relationship in the powerful play The Miracle Worker, you see Helen begin to blossom and develop gifts that would inspire the world for generations to come. Praise, practical help, encouragement-all of these flow out of us naturally and genuinely when we begin to see, as Anne Sullivan saw, the untapped potential buried inside each individual.
    To be effective, your praise should be immediate, specific and genuine. Dr William Mayo, co-founder of the famous Mayo Clinic, used praise to encourage young doctors. One of them said, ‘You’d read a paper at a staff meeting and afterwards he’d see you in the lift or the hall, and would shake your hand and put his hand on your shoulder with a quiet Good work, and a straight, warm look that made you think he meant it. Or perhaps a day or two later you’d get a note from him, just a short one, saying something like, Dear ________, I learned more about _________ from that paper of yours the other night than I ever knew before. It was a good job. Believe me, a fellow prized those notes.’

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 7:52am

  312. 312: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Mel – :eye rolling:

    ‘wow that feels bad… whatsup?’

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 9:35am

  313. 313: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    the context – what happened before the eye rolling – is important here…

    how did it come about?

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 9:36am

  314. 314: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Mel – do not go up to and talk to the husband at all, unless he is adressing you.

    In this situation approaching him, telling him anything, is leaning forward and overfunctioning. (LIke a recent Rori post where Laura brought him the mail)

    Do not do anything other than responding to his initiations.

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 9:44am

  315. 315: MelNo Gravatar says:

    Hey Daria,

    I was talking to him about my apartment lease. I don’t recall who started the conversation. He wanted to give some legal advice on the lease, which I would have accepted. I just don’t like that he rolled his eyes (as if he thought what I was saying was useless) before he offered the advice. Yuck.

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 10:06am

  316. 316: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    I used feeling messages in an email with a potential landlady, and she called me a simple fool! LOL! She had a fixer-upper, and I said she talks like her hovel is the Taj Mahal!

    She wrote back insulting me some more, signing off as The Maharajah, LOL! It was fun, so I am going to post it:

    Rental Ad: Seeking motivated, determined, skilled and qualified tradeperson(s) with initiative interested in a (furnished or not) private, single country property requiring renovation to call “home”. Terms to be negotiated. Contact XXXXX for more information.

    B: I am interested! Can we discuss this further? I am at XXXXX

    M: The current tenent has until Aug. 31 to move. The house will require, as stated in the ad, someone very skilled, determined and motivated. It is located in the country on a private lane and needs a lot of work. I’m interested in qualified tenents and what they can bring to the table. There will be a first and last month’s rent, security deposit and renter’s insurance required. Approved pets permitted. Exact terms to be negotiated as also stated in the ad.

    Tell me of your current situation: what do you and your husband do for a living; where are you living now for how long and why do you seek to move; are you smokers; etc.

    B: I feel yucky about such strictness when I am in the middle of TRYING to negotiate with you, and you are apparently unwilling to talk about it on the phone. What I hear is, “I’m renting out a total dump and I want to make you sign your life away as if it’s the Taj Mahal.”

    No thanks.

    M: Get over yourself. You weren’t anywhere near the middle of negotiating. E-mails and not telephone calls are the initial contact venue to weed out would be applicants, and it definately worked here. Your attitude has put you in the “junk” pile. Fortunately for me, you won’t know what the situation involved silly fool. There are several people interested in the property and you couldn’t even get past the first hurdle. Your rudeness is unacceptable. Your situation does not constitute an emergency on my part. The only thing you got correct is no thanks, as in my, “No thanks to you”.

    B: I have a right to express my feelings. And I did so gently…What you wrote here feels really bad. Your rudeness and ridiculous requirements didn’t get past MY first hurdle. You see, when people are renting, they care what kind of landlady they have, as well. I pity your future tenants who will live in your hovel.

    M: Yes, everyone has the right to express their feelings but you were as gentle as a freight train. You were the rude and ridiculous one. I think the concern for care would be mutual from both tenant and landlord, and my thoughts regarding you apparently are correct. Unfortunately, your “yuckiness” is contagious but happily short lived.

    The Maharajah

    B: Most Honorable Maharajah,

    Life gets spicy when we strip away the polite veneer, doesn’t it? LOL! :-)

    I believe every healthy relationship has disagreements. Perhaps you’d like to hire me to put the fear of God into your tenants! :-)

    Her Exalted Highness,
    Brenda

    :lol:

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 10:13am

  317. 317: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Mel – please don’t start ANY conversations with him at all. This seems small… and it’s not

    something happened before the eye rolling…

    if you recall the words you used in the conversation, I can help you tweak it

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 10:18am

  318. 318: MelNo Gravatar says:

    I think he just didn’t agree with what I was saying. Then he rolled his eyes and said “No, you should say this…..”

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 10:27am

  319. 319: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Brenda – thanks for sharing your convo!

    i noticed some things that were helpful to me…

    are you aware that along with the excellent initial feeling message… you used some judgements and attacks?

    ” you are apparently unwilling to talk about it on the phone. ” this was a judgement

    “What I hear is, “I’m renting out a total dump and I want to make you sign your life away as if it’s the Taj Mahal.” – this was an attack!

    That would definitely trigger most people to close off…

    I know her desires seem unreasonable… and yet she doesnt know you personally… I wonder what triggered you?

    this seems a great opportunity to tweak communication for better results

    perhaps changing small things here can shift other communications with men and relationships that feel more important and intimate than this one

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 10:32am

  320. 320: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Mel – since i dont know what words you used, my guess is you were probably stating an opinion …

    I wouldn’t go there at all…

    just go feeling message all the way – initiate nothing – (so that it would always be clear HE started the conversation)

    oh thank you that feels helpful! i feel so glad to have your help

    oh wow thank you, i feel resistant… i dont want to do that

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 10:35am

  321. 321: MelNo Gravatar says:

    Yup, I’m really going to stick with the no convo initiation whatsoever.

    “oh wow thank you, i feel resistant… i dont want to do that”

    I like that one. It’s a good way to say I don’t want to do that without triggering him.

    Thanks Daria!

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 10:38am

  322. 322: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Daria,

    RE: #319 – LOL, thanks for your feedback! yes, I was aware they were attacks. In all my apartment hunting, I have identified things landlords say that are a turn-off to me, and I did not want to pursue this one. I will admit they were attacks BECAUSE I didn’t know how to put that in feeling messages, beyond the “I feel yucky”. But I also didn’t really care at that point and was just venting in an area where it couldn’t come back to bite me…venting for all the other landlords I’ve been bending over backward to try to convince them to let me in with my 2 dogs and 4 cats!

    If you would be so kind, will you please suggest tweaks so that I can practice? I wasn’t sure how else to word it in feeling messages. But I had fun letting my hair down, LOL!

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 10:47am

  323. 323: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Daria,

    319 – P.S. What triggered me is all the control-freak landlords I’ve had in the past who are wayyyyy to invasive! I am doing my best to find a rental where they are not micro-managing me!

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 10:49am

  324. 324: MelNo Gravatar says:

    Ok Daria…

    What if I actually want to know his opinion on something? Nothing to do with the relationship, but like something practical that I need to do or would like advice on?

    If I started with “Can I ask your opinion on something?” Would that be leaning forward too much? Is it best to just leave him out of stuff unless he asks to be involved?

    Like, for example, if I want to know how we’re going to organize the move (moving truck, for example), or if I want to negotiate the division of the furniture, etc.

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 10:54am

  325. 325: SusanNo Gravatar says:

    RE: 316: Brenda ~

    I found this to be highly entertaining! And I can’t think of why any “motivated, determined, skilled and qualified tradeperson” would want to improve someone else’s property.

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 11:03am

  326. 326: maliNo Gravatar says:

    Re: 316 Brenda

    That is hilarious! I’m still LOL-ing :D

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 11:11am

  327. 327: MelNo Gravatar says:

    Ok, you know how yesterday we were discussing whether or not guys feel “confused” about a relationship?

    So here’s a great example. Yesterday he tells me that he’s going to get a moving allowance and instead of using it to hire movers, he’s going to just rent a truck and do it himself so that he can use the allowance to “make sure I’m settled.”

    Now to me that’s a REALLY loving and considerate thing to do. Something you wouldn’t do for just anybody.

    But yet, despite all of the care he obviously has for me, he still wants to not be married. To me this says confusion. Or maybe it’s just MY confusion! LOL.

    I guess for me I can’t see how I could love him and also NOT want to be married to him.

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 11:12am

  328. 328: SusanNo Gravatar says:

    I have a question. I am interested in everyone’s answers, especially Daria’s:

    I understand using feeling messages with men and letting our inner siren interact with men we may be interested in. What I don’t understand is interacting with other people as a siren and using feeling messages with everyone. Please explain the advantage of this. Seems to me our inner boy gets very bored with nothing to do…

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 11:14am

  329. 329: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Mel guys are different from women. Also I understand that some guys will choose their freedom over being in a relationship. That is what I have learnt from CCarter. Because we feel complete or fulfilled when in relationships we assume that guys feel the same way. Some value their freedom more.

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 12:01pm

  330. 330: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Susan Rori also talks about switching hats. I practice going back and forth with both boy and girl, especially in the office. Talking about feelings come as a natural part of being a girl. I have paid attention to people around me and that is what I have realized. I also see where men use it too. For me being sirensque means speaking in feeling messages most of the time, not necessarily all of the time.

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 12:05pm

  331. 331: SusanNo Gravatar says:

    RE: 330: Femininewoman

    This makes sense to me. I have a very strong and capable boy and using feeling messages is new to me (new as of around Christmastime) and I find feeling messages VERY helpful with dealing with my guy. I honestly believe he wouldn’t still be with me had I not found Rori. He responds pretty much word for word as Rori says he will and I have been astounded by what has happened with our relationship in the past 8 months. But when he isn’t around, I tend to let the boy take over. He knows how to get things done. I haven’t tried using feeling messages with other people. It might be worth a try. My boy does like controlling part of my day, though. He gets things done and is proud of it.

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 12:16pm

  332. 332: LetitshineNo Gravatar says:

    Hola everyone! I hope you all understand, but I had to take a break for a while as I noticed, no matter how much I wanted to, I kept posting information about my ex (the one who said he got spooked, wanted to be friends, wishy washy) and by posting and reading , reading posts, no matter how hard I tried, it just made me think of him more. So, recap and lot’s of posts coming (beware :). Sorry I wasn’t here to help you if needed but honestly, I couldn’t of helped because I was too invested.

    Recap: friends doesn’t work… I finally gave in and said I would try it but I didn’t know and didn’t think it was a good idea… one visit..wasnt friends although I didnt sleep with him..(yeah me).. that was 3.5 weeks ago. Good thing, I did try the Stopyourdivorce method of agreeing with him and it worked a bit for those who wonder if it will. He was saying something about no other men being out there and I didn’t respond and then something about me being married and not hanging out with him. I said “your right. we will never be married”, “why” he asked, “don’t know, just think your right” I said… he said “I’m not marriage material”, I said ” no you are, just won’t work out” he said “oh because I have a fear of love and intimacy” and he said “maybe in 4 years we can be married after I resolve all my issues…maybe I could take a crash course”.. Anyway, see how he pulls me in and I listened… it may be true and it may not…I DON”TCARE ANYMORE… he texted next day how he thinks of me and we’d talk later and that he doesnt understand how he can hang out with his other ex and not feel attracted to her but he can’t seem to keep his hands off me… Ah DUH.. anyway.. 9 days goes by and no call… I finally GAVE UP and thought I would give Match.com a whirl. I had been hesitant because heard bad things.. Of course that’s when he contacted me again wanting to go to lunch. I said ok but not today as I have plans (I did..not a date but he didn’t need to know). I got an ok and nothing else. Well, I decided I had had it. I didn’t want to wonder anymore about if or when he would call. So next night I texted him and said I enjoyed our time together but I felt it best if we both move on and I requested he never contact me again so I can move on. I got an ok. That was 2 weeks ago. Yeah. I think I’ll be home free in another 2 weeks.

    HOWEVER, I was really hoping match.com would provide the opportunity for me to get back out there and date.. not to find the one.. but to work on me like Rori says. Well here is what has happened:

    2 weeks on Match:

    451 profile views
    1200 views

    150 winks

    about 50 emails

    I responded to 10 or so and the results I have to say SUCK. I was all excited but today am not feeling so great.. WTF is wrong with some of these men.. I know someone will show up someday but geez, I didn’t expect it to be so hard to get one date.

    1 talked on phone, he asked me out for later the week and never called me.

    1 we texted… seemed good.. never heard from him

    1 guy..I think this was a fake profile..weird vibe and he was boring and his profile had conflicts.. so I didn’t respond after a few texts.. plus he never mentioned meeting at all after a few texts so figured..married

    1 guy…texting 2x a day.. then before ever met called me sweetie..and I said that was too fast..

    2 guys say they loved my profile, wrote long emails, I responded, 1 asked me out for coffee for this week and now haven’t heard from either of them..

    WTF.. I keep telling myself it is not me ..honestly I am a pretty good looking girl, funny, I think my profile is honest and sincere..but I have to admit..I did get that NV today…saying..maybe I do have something wrong with me or my profile… Okay..so there it is..I know brush it off…but ugggh. I just wanted to go out on one date…

    I don’t contact anyone and I don’t respond to winks anymore as those are free I discovered and don’t waste my time… if they can’t email..forget it.

    Well, I have given myself a hug and tried to paint myself in love .. but honestly, I think I’m going to create my own dating web site..I’m trying to just focus on me…my work…my Jazzercise..me me me…but I don’t know how I’m suppose to CD when none of them follow through…

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 12:31pm

  333. 333: LetitshineNo Gravatar says:

    So the guy I said I wasn’t feeling more than friendship, emailed back saying he still wanted to get to know me as friends and who knows. I feel like well, he is the only one responding so maybe I should go out with him..,but I would feel bad..that is using him.. which I have to admit…someone help me as I know this isn’t the right way to look at things but sometimes I feel the CD is using men and I wouldn’t want to be used like that so why should I do it (go out with them if I’m really not interested etc). So would love to hear thoughts on that…just curious..

    Oh and there is one I said I wasn’t interested but would be friends and I meant only friends (said it nicer of course)…is it bad to contact him to vent about the site and to get some insite into perhaps my profile or his experience with the site??? I don’t want to mislead anyone.

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 12:44pm

  334. 334: LobbyStarNo Gravatar says:

    332:

    “I feel discouraged when men ask me out and flake, because I want to be with a man who follows through.”

    That’s what I said to a guy I met on a dating site who asked me out not once, but twice, and flaked on me both times… and THEN asked me out again. He said he got scared, because he never met anyone from an online dating site in person before.

    “I feel sympathetic to that, but I want to be with a man who is serious about wanting to meet someone.”

    How’d I do, sirens? This girly stuff is so hard for me!

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 12:47pm

  335. 335: FlowerChild77No Gravatar says:

    Plum/#244

    I sincerely apologize for not using the right words/way to express how I felt. I don’t think we are supposed to be sorry for what we feel—but, apparently, I did not express it properly. I am sorry.

    I thought that by saying I know you were trying to help me, it was understood that I was just saying how I felt (albeit, not the right way.)

    I am such a ‘baby’ at trusting my instincts that when I read your post (the one I spoke of in #244) all I could “hear” was that I was wrong and making a big deal out of nothing. I was feeling so proud of myself for taking my ‘gut feeling’ seriously–and then (even if by accident) finding out my intuition was, indeed, trying to tell me something.

    I grew up in a home where my feelings were constantly ‘erased’ and denied. Any time I dared express feelings of any kind there was a litany of verbal abuse thrown at me. Eventually, I just shut down and became a very somber, terrified and nearly ‘mute’ little girl. I cannot remember a time when I was not called, “…a selfish, ungrateful little bitch” (among many other things) and reminded, on a regular basis, that anything I had was WAY more than I deserved. I had lots of trouble in school because I was afraid to speak.

    I do not share this as an excuse (actually, it’s humiliating and makes me cry to type it.) I’m just saying how MUCH I know I need to heal and why I’m so desperate to be able to trust myself and my intuition.

    Again, I apologize—though I’m a little confused, as I have seen many, many back and forth posts where Sirens argue and disagree with each other, call each other names, etc. Post after post after post of nasty, negative comments, digs and insinuations (some very thinly disguised as “riffs.”)

    I feel really clueless and ignorant, because I don’t see how me saying I feel angry (and why) is so very much worse than these other women’s very lengthy spats. And I don’t recall any of them being accused of abuse.

    I am very mixed up and, honestly, had no intention—what so ever—of causing a problem here on the blog, of making anyone angry or feel bad—and least of all ‘abusing’ anyone.

    I thank everyone who’s tried to help me, and respectfully choose to ‘bow out’ before I get myself in any more trouble. I’ll be back when I can learn how to express myself “correctly.” :-(

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 12:50pm

  336. 336: tinqueNo Gravatar says:

    Flowerchild – There was nothing at all wrong with how you expressed yourself…Please stay.

    xxoo

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 1:02pm

  337. 337: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    RE 335 aaww FlowerChild please be gentle with yourself. We are all human and don’t always get it right. Rori has said we have to make mistakes to learn. Please don’t go misunderstandings happen in life.

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 1:02pm

  338. 338: LetitshineNo Gravatar says:

    @11- Love this attitude!! Thanks. I’m posting to my “life pick me up poems” I read when I’m feeling down!!

    @31…I feel your pain and I feel angry at times too about this situation…I am trying not to say frustrated because Rori said somewhere (can’t remember which program)..frustration is really angry that you can’t get something you want when you want it…I would agree..I have noticed this and am trying to see what I am angry about

    NEED HELP ON HOW TO CONNECT QUICKER TO FEELINGS:
    What I have learned from my ex that I need to work on…when the guy goes wishy washy or withdraws, I have a harder time connecting with my feelings..I usually will be more silent to things a man says and only later do I realize how I felt and wonder or get angry I didn’t say how I felt in the moment..but it is because I didn’t recognize it I think..or I know how I feel but can’t get that third part of the mantra…”choose your words” quickly enough… anyone have any ideas on how to improve on this?

    Okay..will check back later..I must work!!

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 1:12pm

  339. 339: SusanNo Gravatar says:

    FlowerChild,

    I’m hoping you don’t leave. I’m not a perfect fit here and feel closer to others who feel the same. Plus the web is devoid of the facial expressions and tone of voice that we get with face to face interaction and I think we tend to supply those as we read. Sometimes something gently written doesn’t seem that way when we read it.

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 1:14pm

  340. 340: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Letitshine I would encourage you to read under Rori’s Communication Category to your right on the blog. Everything is spattered with examples of how to speak with feeling messages. In the meantime I would start practicing putting my attention to my body parts such as stomach, chest/heart area, hands, back of neck. See if your heart flutters, your hand get sweaty, if the blood rush to your head in certain instances, if you experience a lump in your throat or if you feel nauseous. This can help you get aware of your feelings.

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 1:25pm

  341. 341: alias girlNo Gravatar says:

    #335 Flowerchild77 i feel compassion. almost all the sirens here have “quit” the blog at one time or another because it can be very triggering. but my experience is that it is a very safe place to work through triggers, to fumble around with awkward expressing, to practice the tools, to experiment…

    sirens are triggering each other left and right. lol.

    but i believe there is a deeper understanding, forgiveness, and openness here than there is in many other places.

    it has been an invaluable place for me to practice being who i really want to be. and i have gone to far extremes and made many “mistakes”.

    i feel encouraging towards you.
    i feel compassion for this situation and from my outside perspective i see a clearer picture of the breakdown in understanding between plum and yourself.
    i respect both you and plum, i am not taking “sides” (i felt a need to say that)

    I feel encouraging…

    if you decide to go, you can always come back. i feel welcoming on that statement.

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 1:36pm

  342. 342: aspiringsirenNo Gravatar says:

    i accidentally posted this on an old thread a few hours ago.. i was catching up on some posts and totally forgot i was on an old one!
    ___________________________________________________

    haven’t been on here in quite some time but was just dealt a huge blow and i need some advice …..Please!

    i spent the weekend away with this guy (before i went i told him that if he wanted to work on things then i would agree to go) who has been in and out of my life for the past few years. we had a great time and he asked me to call or text when i got home. i did and he didn’t say anything back.

    the next morning i sent him an email saying it doesn’t feel good to me to be ignored. had a great time with you this weekend but think i may be having expectations and then setting myself up for disappointment. what do you think? (yes i used it from one of rori’s emails)

    he responded that he wasn’t ignoring me and wasn’t sure what expectations i set up for myself. that he had a great time too but if i wanted honesty and thought that there was going to be a relationship between us then yes i was going to be disappointed but if being good friends is what i was looking for than that sounded good to him

    i thanked him for his honesty and told him that i have feelings for him that are beyond friends and i don’t want to be just friends with him

    he responded and said …i really don’t know what to do, but i’m being honest. If you can’t be just friends, then i understand that. I’m sorry but i can’t do more than just friends.

    i didn’t respond at all …. i’m completely crushed.

    we have not been in a committed relationship in the past. we live several hours apart and there is this cyle of him making contact, persuing me, talking a lot and maybe seeing each other(twice a year at the most), something happens (usually he does something that i don’t want to tolerate) and we stop talking or i tell him to get lost and he does for a few months and he makes contact again and the cycle starts over. i try to move on and he contacts me again.

    he is the man that i want to be with more than anyone and i don’t know how to break the cycle. this is the first time he has said he just wants to be friends and i feel fine with my response to him. I don’t want to be in this never ending limbo with him.

    what does it sound like to you guys is going on ?
    did i handle it the right way?

    please help me break this cycle. i want to get the guy but not at the expense of what i want for myself

    what do i say if he contacts me again to be both warm and open but also with better boundaries to ensure that i’m not setting myself for disappointment again ? i’m usually just so happy to hear from him when this happens that it’s like everything goes out the window and i forget about everything else and we end up back in the same place

    please help!

    femininewoman already responded to that thread! I appreciate it! she also asked if i was cd’ing and this was my response

    – FW- in what context do you mean “why am i here?”

    cd’ing – not really. I don’t get out much to meet new people and seems like the guys that want to ask me out are way young or they haven’t foudn the one yet but still want to start a family (i’m already done w kids and don’t want to waste anyones time)
    and i’ve always been the …meet a guy start talking and leads into dating exclusively or meet a guy talk to him for 5 minutes and realize that i don’t want to date him at all. i know, i know… it’s worked out real well for me so far. I don’t know cd’ing just feels weird to me. I wish it didn’t but it does.

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 1:45pm

  343. 343: LilybelleNo Gravatar says:

    341:

    Very well put, AG.

    I agree.

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 1:46pm

  344. 344: WildflowerNo Gravatar says:

    uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugh I feel sooooo angry at myself right now. I can feel my heart closing up. I want to stay open I just feel like a siren failure right now. After coming to pick me up the other night the guy I’m dating said he’s making something for us for dinner that requires monitoring the oven and asked me if I’d be willing to drive over to his place. It kind of took my by surprise since I had already told him how if feels important to be picked up and instead of speaking the truth I sort of blanked and got tongue tied and in my head and said “ok” (since that seemed like the “reasonable” response). He didn’t even tell me he was making the dinner special for me or anything. Just that he was planning to make it. Now I feel ANGRY and RESENTFUL and mostly dissapointed in myself for not sticking to my boundaries. Why is this so darn hard for me?? All I had to say was, “Wow I so appreciate you making dinner and I feel excited to see you but it feels so much more romantic and important to me to be picked up by men. I feel so good around you and I don’t want to become resentful.” Or something like that. Now instead I’m beating myself up. Ok I gues it’s good I”m at least realizing I do this instead of telling myself that I”m just really “laid back” about stuff and stuff doesn’t bother me–which is what I’ve always done. I still deeply and profoundly love myself. I just feel dissapointed and worried I will never get it. I love my worry. I can do this…I can. No one particular man is so important that I can’t express myself and stay true to myself. Even if he decides to never call me again I WILL be ok.

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 1:53pm

  345. 345: TeresaNo Gravatar says:

    Alias Girl #243- I like your post about feeling bad to be so polite that it erodes your authenticity.

    Re: everyone talking about the no girlfriend speech..
    When Baby’s Father asked me what I wanted … I said “I’m not trying to be anyone’s girlfriend… I intend to be married and have a family, etc” – and apparently it sounded funny to him or was memorable because in the last 8 months he’s repeated it several times “I’m not TRYIN’ to be anyone’s girlfriend”… lol

    #307 FW
    “I feel so much love in my heart when I see your beautiful
    face” – then EXPRESSING it (without any caring at
    all what happens or what he does after we express
    it) has to be ALL we want.

    yesss. working on this all the time.

    #309 FW
    “I’m having a really awesome time with you and you are sexy as heck.  That’s why I feel like I need to tell you that I’m looking for my happily ever after man not just a boyfriend.  I feel like I’m ready to make that kind of commitment and to have someone to love and share my life with and have a deep connection that grows stonger with time. So I would like to see things go to the next level. What do you think?”

    I like that..but this would be leaning forward, unless he asked something or initiated this, yes? just wondering. I haven’t read the rest of the conversation with Corin.

    ps if I post here with the same email address but change my name, will i have to wait to be re-approved? hope not. I think I wanna change it.

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 2:05pm

  346. 346: TeresaNo Gravatar says:

    Okay…
    In response to baby’s father’s text about coming up to visit saturday.

    I said…
    “Thanks for planning ahead. =) I am confused, I thought you wanted me to come down this week. What days did you want to get together in Austin?”

    ——-”oh, I wasn’t sure you were still coming down. I was going to come up there Saturday.”

    “Yes, I worked it out so I could, except no car. (he had said he would come get me)… “I thought you guys wanted me to wait til the wknd, for mom to feel better. That’s why I mentioned it Sat. nite.”

    ——”yeah but she’s out of town now. She won’t be back until at least the 6th”
    (…umm.. i didn’t realize that had that much bearing on it — I thought HE wanted to see us.)

    “only saturday, or sunday too?” I am happy you have gotten to be with us so often lately. =)”

    ok saturday is all good. are you spending the night?

    ——-”i’ll have to go back sunday. I’m not sure if I’m spending the night yet. – Me too, it’s been really nice to see ya’ll so often. :)”

    So I told him in the beginning, “I’m confused”… even though he didn’t ASK how I felt, he came to me texting ME about coming to visit. Is it still leaning forward to tell him how I feel in this case?

    I also felt like I should have followed it further when he said his mom was out of town… because I thought he wanted us to come.. and we kind of planned it, ish.. I am usually laid back but since he has been so non communicative and withdrawn lately I am kind of pissed off.

    but why be pissed off, just move on, right? Well, I see that I need to put more feeling messages out there, but just not sure what to say.

    When he is here we’ll see how he acts/what he says. If he doesn’t approach any of this or continues to be withdrawn, it just makes me lose interest.. this is difficult since I HAVE to see him.. to let him see the baby.

    But. It will not remain that way forever. The baby will eventually be older and ready to be away from me. And Baby’s Father is going to be in my life for a lonnnng long time. Plenty of time for him to step up. As someone mentioned yesterday, they always come back. He’s been around for EIGHT YEARS, and has seen me even through other relationships.. (which he did not tell me, but I believe, mainly due to a few comments I’ve heard him make before – in the past I know he had a difficult relationship with a live in girlfriend because he wanted to still see other people).. But in the last eight years he has run wild, while he moved all around the country and had other girlfriends, even when he lived HERE we saw each other AND other people. Because I was more involved elsewhere. But I am the Goddess and I have decided I feel like something more serious.

    So now I am feeling sad, because I INTEND to be married, and this has all come together so perfectly and we bloomed so beautifully… I hope I can get us past this hump of “i might be interested in open relationship”.. because it seems to have thrown a wrench in things…. since he is not talking to me much.. the last 3 wks since that comment, I can’t tell what he’s thinking, all I know is I feel sad.

    I love how our relationship has bloomed lately. It’s just this HALTTTTT record scratching sound I hear when he said “i am kind of interested in open relationships”… though he failed to elaborate on this.. I don’t know WHAT to do so I think I will just lean back and do… NOTHING. brilliantly NOTHING. Let him lead here. …. ??

    I hope I can be the Goddess that allows him to be the man I need.

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 2:11pm

  347. 347: SusanNo Gravatar says:

    Wildflower ~

    Look at it this way… A man is making dinner for you!

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 2:11pm

  348. 348: WildflowerNo Gravatar says:

    Susan,

    Thanks you made me smile :-)

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 2:15pm

  349. 349: CorinNo Gravatar says:

    Flowerchild,

    I’m feeling sad that you might leave although I respect that might feel like the best way for you to take care of your feelings at this moment. I’m finding that on here can be a really good place to do something different to ‘life on the outside’ where I would shut down and withdraw.

    Your comments about your childhood were so open and vulnerable. Thank you for trusting us enough to write that.

    xxx

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 2:38pm

  350. 350: CorinNo Gravatar says:

    Wildflower,

    Sounds like you may be beating yourself up for not following Rori ‘perfectly’. Simply noticing your feelings is great! There is still time to express your feelings later if you still wish to do so
    xx

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 2:40pm

  351. 351: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    im feeling so disappointed that life seems so boring here

    after two years of feeling bored i feel just longing remembering the awesome amazing times i used to have here

    ugh!

    i HATE that feeling that ‘the time has passed’ and that there is no more fun

    ew!

    thank you daria for practicing matching your vibration ABE style to what you wanted

    thank you daria for acknowledging your feelings

    this is such a familiar feeling for me though!

    i feel grateful i have the computer where i feel energized and fun even though i judge it

    i love me so much

    i feel so excited to move to Brazil

    i feel so disappointed that my home is starting to feel as bored and ‘standardized’ as places i judge

    i love me

    this feels very triggering for me

    i feel feelings of despair underneath pleasantness

    i love my despair

    i love my pleasant cover

    i love my hardened heels

    even in new york i did not have the amazing dance fun i imagined

    and even there i sat alone in times square and was wondering where the exhilarating excsatic euphoric dancing connecting people were

    and its ok because i am starting to generate some

    and i bet they are in brazil and these are all ways that are helping me get clear on going to brazil

    i love me

    i love my loneliness

    i love my crumpleness

    i love my despair

    i love my frustration

    i love my trying and trying

    i love me i love me i love me

    i love my tears

    i love my tightening scrunchy face

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 2:43pm

  352. 352: CorinNo Gravatar says:

    Just had a text from potential CD who wants a first date tomorrow. He works as an anaethetist and as such has long hours and probably is not what I’m looking for long term (I broke up with my ex because I felt insiginificant in comparison to the focus on his job).

    He initially asked to meet at 9pm which for me is later that I would ideally like but as he said this was due to work, I agreed. He’s now texted asking to have the date moved back 15 mins as expects the shift to be busy.

    Can anyone suggest FMs for this? I’m still planning to go but am holding in my mind that this shows even more that we are probably not right for each other. I feel a bit annoyed that the date is being moved even later but also understand that he has important things to do. I feel worried about saying I’m annoyed when I know it’s a perfectly reasonable request. Also feeling less interested in him.

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 2:45pm

  353. 353: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i bet NYguy never feels lonely like this

    i feel so jealous

    ugh!!!

    this is probably not true but that’s what i think about the men i feel attracted to

    i am attracted to their unloneliness

    so jealous

    FUCHK YOUO!!!!

    i feel so jealous i feel ANGR?Y

    and frustrated

    RARRRGH

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 2:46pm

  354. 354: WildflowerNo Gravatar says:

    Corin–thank you. Feels nice to hear you say that.

    I just went through and used my boy energy to answer a bunch of emails on eharmony. I’ve been putting it off and feeling blah because of it.

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 2:48pm

  355. 355: CorinNo Gravatar says:

    Does anyone else have a pattern of dating AlphaMale types who struggle to balance work and relationships? I’ve just got off the phone with another one (biological clock guy) where I was able to express that I broke up with my ex for this reason and felt anxious that his long hours at work would be a problem for me. He gave a really positive response so feeling happy about that!

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 2:48pm

  356. 356: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Corin – lets first shift your focus on dating… CD is for therapy, so don’t even go there with thinking long term…

    the attitude here is “yay! a man to PRACTICE WITH FOR AN HOUR” – AWESOME!!!

    “I wonder what he showed up to heal??!”

    - your HEALING is the focus of this

    now as far as expressing yourself – great healing opportunity…

    here’s some ideas to use… but go short

    how about… hmm… i feel kinda weird… i was feeling hesitant about 9 pm as it feels kinda uncomfortable for me to meet so late for the first time… and…

    i feel like i might be kinda high maintenance here… i notice im feeling a lil put off at having to change the time… i like to feel like an important priority to feel romantic… i don’t like to feel second to a man’s job…

    what do you think we can do so it could feel good for both of us?

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 2:51pm

  357. 357: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i might even say…

    wow … im feeling kinda triggered… i felt second to a job with a man in my past and i dont want to feel that way… and i notice that coming up for me here and im feeling a bit turned off… and i dont want to feel that way with you

    what do you think we can do with planning so this can feel romantic?

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 2:53pm

  358. 358: CorinNo Gravatar says:

    Wow just facebook stalked my ex and he has downgraded my access to his profile so I only get restricted access. I feel angry, sad, teary, want revenge, want to attack!

    How dare he????? I’ve been hoping that my dating others would draw him back in, more prepared to make an effort with me than before but now I feel crushed. I’ve been reading of other people always having exes returning and now I’m thinking why not me????? I feel so sad. I feel insignificant and unloved and embarassed.

    I still have some stuff of his at my place that he said he would be in touch to collect. Now I want to burn it and send him an angry e-mail telling him that’s what I’ve done! I know Rori speaks against closure or any final desperate act but I want to express and feel respected by him but don’t know how to do it.

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 2:57pm

  359. 359: CorinNo Gravatar says:

    I don’t even have access to pictures of us he took when we went to Paris. I feel so sad and really rejected.

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 2:59pm

  360. 360: LetitshineNo Gravatar says:

    Wildflower

    I feel the same way you do…. they say hind sight is 20/20…i suppose there is a reason for this..I struggle with the very same thing..I feel something and stuff it down..sometimes I’m aware I’m stuffing and sometimes, I just can’t think quick enough..I don’t want to be trying to think of the right thing to say all the time… ugggh..exhausting!!!

    I’m going to try my mom’s advice…”There’s always tomorrow Scarlet”….. and be a broken record inside my head…not sure that helps!! good luck!

    *******************

    I was feeling sad a bit ago and almost had a big crying spell..feeling overwhelmed…kids gone whole week = lonely..but getting projects done= yeah; computer almost crashed= panic. but I got up and went and did some laundry..yeah me..I am feeling a bit better.

    I’m also feeling angry: Is it possible to send the “I want a date” too bad via email? Honestly, maybe my mom is right..I focus too much on finding dates…but if you don’t…and you sit in a closet (like a friend of mine)…how you ever gonna grow and eventually find a partner??? WHAT the FUCK is so wrong with looking?? I’m tired of people saying “oh, when you least expect it, it will happen” HMMMM..,that’s why there’s 10,000 new people signing up on Match.com everyday… (hah- another good reason to develop my own dating site…anyone interested..who would create a better one that all the sirens on this blog..I’m not there yet but someday hope to be)

    But now… I’m gonna be my broken record.there’s always tomorrow Scarlet… maybe I will watch a movie and forget for a while… I love getting caught up in a movie..

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 2:59pm

  361. 361: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    well at least thats the impression i have of NYguy

    and i bet, thats the impression people have of me!

    theyre like, D, you always have guys, etc

    and really i feel desperately lonely like all the time!!

    ugh!!!

    I HATE that feeling!!

    i love my hate

    i love my feelings

    i love my loneliness

    i love every piece of me even though i feel like ripping myself apart right now

    i love my rarrrgh

    i love my anger frustration

    i love my im gonna fuchkin burst if i dont explode feeling
    !!!

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 3:00pm

  362. 362: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @316: Brenda

    Oops :oops: Perhaps I missed some of the messages; I see you throwing the first stone…

    What in the world happened here?????? Some past difficulty with this woman? Ouch!!!

    Hugs.

    xoxo

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 3:01pm

  363. 363: LetitshineNo Gravatar says:

    Wildflower

    I feel the same way you do…. they say hind sight is 20/20…i suppose there is a reason for this..I struggle with the very same thing..I feel something and stuff it down..sometimes I’m aware I’m stuffing and sometimes, I just can’t think quick enough..I don’t want to be trying to think of the right thing to say all the time… ugggh..exhausting!!!

    I’m going to try my mom’s advice…”There’s always tomorrow Scarlet”….. and be a broken record inside my head…not sure that helps!! good luck!

    *******************

    I was feeling sad a bit ago and almost had a big crying spell..feeling overwhelmed…kids gone whole week = lonely..but getting projects done= yeah; computer almost crashed= panic. but I got up and went and did some laundry..yeah me..I am feeling a bit better.

    I’m also feeling angry: Is it possible to send the “I want a date” too bad via email? Honestly, maybe my mom is right..I focus too much on finding dates…but if you don’t…and you sit in a closet (like a friend of mine)…how you ever gonna grow and eventually find a partner??? WHAT the F&*&(&^ is so wrong with looking?? I’m tired of people saying “oh, when you least expect it, it will happen” HMMMM..,that’s why there’s 10,000 new people signing up on Match.com everyday… (hah- another good reason to develop my own dating site…anyone interested..who would create a better one that all the sirens on this blog..I’m not there yet but someday hope to be)

    But now… I’m gonna be my broken record.there’s always tomorrow Scarlet… maybe I will watch a movie and forget for a while… I love getting caught up in a movie..

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 3:04pm

  364. 364: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Corin – just don’t contact him… feel the urgency and the humiliating feelings and hopeless awfulness and love yourself… you will heal a lot if you don’t lean forward now

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 3:06pm

  365. 365: alias girlNo Gravatar says:

    #343 lilybelle. thanks!!!!

    #345 teresa. i feel supported. i test out new behavior here that feels SCARY sometimes. and then i see how i feel. then i adjust. babystepping toward my expanding goddessness which feels very fulfilling. :) i feel excited by your feedback because sometimes posting on the blog is like posting into a vacuum. lol. and i feel good to have a postive effect.

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 3:06pm

  366. 366: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @325: Susan says:
    “…I found this to be highly entertaining! And I can’t think of why any “motivated, determined, skilled and qualified tradeperson” would want to improve someone else’s property….”

    Some options that might be up for negotiation could be….a lower rental cost for the renter, an in lieu down payment if option-to-buy is on the table and allowable in that state. A part time job, if the property owner owns other properties… All kinds of things…

    xoxo

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 3:08pm

  367. 367: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    and you know what else feels disappointing

    sex

    like fuchkin, i know it felt amazing to get head when i first got it, and then amazing a few times with Transformer man, and amazing one time with Dman

    and fuchk!

    what happened!

    ti doesnt even feel that good with transfomer man

    its like, it feels so frustrating to think about that

    and then sex sex, it mostly just feels sore and irritating!

    blah!

    oh it felt good with Guywho, thats right

    i forgot about that, no wonder i was so into him

    i feel angry frustrated

    diappointed at life

    maybe next lifetime sex will feel good cuz apparently this one IT SUCKS!!

    i love my anger at sex

    i love my non enjoyment feelings of sex

    I HATE HTOSE

    i love my hate

    i love me

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 3:18pm

  368. 368: CorinNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you Daria,

    I’m allowing myself to cry and am certainly not leaning forward. I think I will hold onto his stuff until the end of the week and then if he hasn’t been in touch to get it, i will chuck it. I don’t like holding onto it indefinitely as it feels a bit like holding onto him and i feel resentful.

    I texted doctor guy saying that i felt awkward meeting late and if it was any later than this then i would prefer to reschedule. That seems like a baby step towards the full truth.

    How do you manage to stay so in the moment? I know that I get really focussed on thinking how much I want a husband and children and this must come accross as pressure to men. I would love to learn to soothe this part of me as it is probably very unattractive or even desperate.

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 3:21pm

  369. 369: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    SUCK MY ?DICK LIFE!!!

    mmph

    i don’t have a dick!

    ufff

    what i mean is

    i feel so angry at you life!

    i feel so angry and frustrated and just powerless!!!

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 3:21pm

  370. 370: CorinNo Gravatar says:

    Awww Daria,

    I’m sorry you feel so frustrated. What do you want to happen?

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 3:23pm

  371. 371: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @353: Daria says:
    “…i bet NYguy never feels lonely like this
    i feel so jealous
    ugh!!!…”

    Or… he could be sitting in a subway train that has unexpectedy gone out of service, and has been sitting on the tracks for ten minutes with A/C shut down. tee hee… :lol: You never know…

    UH-oh, train moving… but now he has to get out and wait for the next one! :D

    Ah, life… the little quirks and pitfalls… there they are everywhere we go. And there we are, everywhere we go. Might as well have fun…

    xoxo

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 3:25pm

  372. 372: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Corin – i just tell them i want a husband and children right away

    i actually don’t feel very much pressure towards that (in fact i feel scared of it)

    but to me, this makes me in my mind instantly 1000% more attractive to men

    they LOVE hearing that!

    so, i kinda cheat and make sure i let them know

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 3:25pm

  373. 373: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    maybe i will have better luck to tell the truth and tell them i still feel scared of it!

    WOW !

    that is a great idea!!

    i want to be married and have a family, and actually, i feel kinda scared of it too… i feel scared ill feel bored and unfulfilled

    wow!

    i feel scared ill start to want to date other men and have sex with other men if i have a husband who really adores me

    and i still want a husband who really adores me

    and i feel totally confused

    soooo.. what do you think?

    well… to me, i feel scared THAT will scare men away and turn them off

    but maybe thats the way to go

    they pick up the truth in my vibe anyway

    hmmm

    coool…

    i feel scared i won’t like it, but i do want it, and i feel afraid it will shut down something i really enjoy which is to feel paid attention to by lots of powerful and attractive men

    wow this is helpful!!!

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 3:29pm

  374. 374: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i stay in the moment pretty well because of practice practice practice

    oh yeah, and, when i feel powerfully attracted, i start thinking ahead too

    so i am also talking to myself

    its just practice with NYguy daria

    its just practice with that other guy you felt weird with

    ha! so easy to forget its just practice when i feel attracted to them

    totally forgot

    i thought the point was to make them fall in love so i can know i am incredibly attractive and have amazing sex

    oops

    actually its just practice

    i am incredibly attractive and i do want amazing sex

    thanks Daria

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 3:31pm

  375. 375: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    ‘i don’t have the patience to have amazing sex with myself’

    hmmm

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 3:32pm

  376. 376: TeresaNo Gravatar says:

    #364 Alias Girl : #345 teresa. i feel supported. i test out new behavior here that feels SCARY sometimes. and then i see how i feel. then i adjust. babystepping toward my expanding goddessness which feels very fulfilling. :) i feel excited by your feedback because sometimes posting on the blog is like posting into a vacuum. lol. and i feel good to have a postive effect.

    I actually felt very inspired and spoken to through your post, because I am struggling with being nice also.

    Like Man-I-Live-With.

    Something is wrong with his car and can’t get it fixed right now. I am struggling with my car payment and he offered to pay a third of it plus the car insurance for this month.. if he could use the car. We have lived together as a family and I usually consider things “ours” or try to be fair. I have no problem whatsoever with him using the car. But then he uses it to go to this girls house (a 40 year old CHILD) whom he has cheated on me with recently – and that should be ok?

    A couple of times I almost took the use of the car back, or thought about telling him I would drive him wherever he needed to go.

    But I didn’t. I decided that I do love him unconditionally and if that’s what he wants to do, then so be it, why should I care? I haven’t got time for a second thought about someone who would rather be there than here.

    I don’t know if I’m doing it right, but that’s what I felt at the time.

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 3:33pm

  377. 377: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    I’m in the library. Yikes, it’s so noisy here. I’m used to blessed quiet when I’m at home. I’m trying not to by triggered by this guy four stacks away talking LOUDLY on his not permitted cell phone. And the security guard is way over on the other side… I don’t even see her…

    Sometimes people are so yucky!!! Yucky…

    He’s still talking… Ewwwww.

    xoxo

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 3:34pm

  378. 378: CorinNo Gravatar says:

    Daria,

    Talking about those fears around raising a family and being married sounds good. Very vulnerable. It would be good to hear how that goes!

    Ok, on all my dates this week I’m going to tell myself ‘It’s only practice’. I’m now feeling worried that doctor guy won’t want to know me after this. However that means I’ve weeded out someone who is not right for me and that is a good thing as it means I’m closer to the right guy. All I have to do is keep shining my goddess self and they will come.

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 3:37pm

  379. 379: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @367: Corin says:
    “…then if he hasn’t been in touch to get it, i will chuck it. I don’t like holding onto it indefinitely as it feels a bit like holding onto him and i feel resentful.,,”

    Closure is not required but I believe you will feel better about yourself if you do not chuck out his stuff. That seems a little petty and vengeful. I’m calling it that, you might not. I’d put every little bit into a cardboard box so that there would be limited access and time when he comes to pick it up the box. Then I’d send a one line e-mail and ask him to pick it up (at a time convenient to you.) You don’t have to be there either if a close girlfriend will help you out.

    If he didn’t respond right away, I’d probably stick the box in back of a closet for a while.

    xoxo

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 3:43pm

  380. 380: CorinNo Gravatar says:

    Yay,

    Expressing feelings works! Doctor guy has rescheduled to friday when we both have the day off. Biological clock guy has just sent me a list of things he likes about me which feels really good to read. I’m remembering how bad I felt with my ex; so let down, shut out and rejected. I’m following happy, cherished feelings and walking away from sad, rejected ones!

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 3:47pm

  381. 381: MelNo Gravatar says:

    Corin,

    “I’m remembering how bad I felt with my ex; so let down, shut out and rejected. I’m following happy, cherished feelings and walking away from sad, rejected ones!”

    That feels good to hear! :)

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 3:50pm

  382. 382: CorinNo Gravatar says:

    SLV, Thank you. Yes it is petty and those thoughts are not a part of me that I like! They are attacky, victimy, vengeful and unloving.

    I have already put some of his stuff away in a cupboard and will do the same with all the rest. Maybe one day things like his DVDs will prove useful on a future date with someone else!

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 3:50pm

  383. 383: alias girlNo Gravatar says:

    #375 teresa

    i feel unsure if your post is expressing yourself and your questions, rhetorical.

    i feel unsure if you were asking for feedback from me or just expressing

    i get confused if someone addresses me at the top of the post and then goes on to write something more.

    i feel personally addressed to the entire post as there is no delineation. this is what happened yesterday with DE.

    i don’t want to give feedback if no one is directly, personally, asking me for it.

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 3:52pm

  384. 384: CamilleNo Gravatar says:

    RE: Teresa #375
    eewwww! Your live-in borrowing “your” car to drive and see the “other” woman really triggered me! I read that and felt angry angry and wanted to tell you oh HAIL NO! that really triggered some things from my past. I am not for sure as I am a fledgling Siren but (anyone jump in here!) is that not overfunctioning or over doing? I have done similiar things in the past and then regretted it and felt resentful and used……..Teresa not saying you should feel those things just expressing how that statement triggered me personally Hugs to all

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 3:58pm

  385. 385: MelNo Gravatar says:

    I’m feeling worried and sad. Like maybe I CAN’T do this. I sign the lease tomorrow and it feels so final and sad and lonely thinking of living there by myself.

    My birthday’s next month and I don’t want to spend it alone. What will I do for holidays? Thanksgiving? Christmas?

    I’m feeling sad that my life didn’t turn out the way I expected. And I feel a bit stalled here in a place I don’t really want to be.

    I’m feeling sorry for myself. :(

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 4:02pm

  386. 386: TeresaNo Gravatar says:

    #382 Alias Girl

    Yeah just expressing myself and the first “being nice” example that came to mind, although others are much less extreme.

    Wasn’t asking for advice directly but on the other hand ALL of my posts are open to any observations or constructiveness that anyone wants to offer. That’s why I am posting here. I am growing and I do that via everything I come in contact with.

    #383 Camille:

    Yeah I thought the same thing at first but then decided why do I give a f***? I don’t. Why waste energy caring. When he’s not here that’s my opportunity to do other things. If he wants to be around he can be around. Right this minute I don’t feel like exerting that much of my energy.

    But it definitely has an effect, don’t get me wrong. It definitely causes further disinterest on my part.

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 4:14pm

  387. 387: alias girlNo Gravatar says:

    #382 teresa thank you for the clarification.

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 4:25pm

  388. 388: alias girlNo Gravatar says:

    “i don’t want anyone to feel bad but i feel weird when strangers make sexual or sexy comments to me before getting to know me.”

    i just wrote this to a guy on POF. i feel really good about this because it took many different practice opportunities with different men to finally get the wording i like.

    some women like to be approached this way. i do Not. and many men do this and i shut down and feel turned off to them. but now after expressing this i can remain open. yae!!!

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 4:28pm

  389. 389: ice PrincessNo Gravatar says:

    He is at the baseball game in a suite! If only I wasn’t sitting at home alone then I wouldn’t care!

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 4:28pm

  390. 390: CorinNo Gravatar says:

    Mel,

    You’re so brave! Have you ever lived alone before? I’ve lived on my own since the breakup from most significant ex and honestly it’s been such an amazing, growing experience. Yes there are moments of loneliness, sadness but I feel so much stronger as a person. Is there anything you can feel excited about? I remember looking on line for things to put into my home. Even tiny, cheap things would really help me to feel happier at the time. You can have the space exactly how you want it, no compromising whatsoever with another personson’s opinon!

    xxxxx

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 4:31pm

  391. 391: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    Hello Sirens!
    I don’t know how it would feel to have a marriage crumble after 35 years. How devastating. Yuck! I feel sad thinking about it.

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 4:37pm

  392. 392: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    132: alias girl says:
    i can’t remember ever hearing a man saying the words “i’m confused.”

    Alias girl, I have heard a guy say those words. He said he never wanted to be married to his wife, so I asked him why he went through with the wedding and said I DO…etc..and he said he “went along with it because he was confused…”

    eeek….

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 4:40pm

  393. 393: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    alias girl says:
    “i don’t want anyone to feel bad but i feel weird when strangers make sexual or sexy comments to me before getting to know me.”

    I like this wording. I may steal this from you alias girl. :-)

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 4:41pm

  394. 394: DENo Gravatar says:

    Brenda #322:

    Gosh, I love it when u let u “hair down”…

    Do it again, do it again!!!!

    I felt humored by it tremendously; thank u for the laughter!!!!

    Warm hugs,

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 4:42pm

  395. 395: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    I noticed last week when I was with recycledCD and I started feeling uncomfortable with the conversation, I just went totally quiet like I almost completely shut down. It was like I froze and I didnt’ want to do that, but I finally did get a feeling message out and his response felt a bit insensitive.

    I felt disconnected from him and wish I would have verbalized that.

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 4:45pm

  396. 396: alias girlNo Gravatar says:

    #391 emerson. i feel curious. was this man, in your opinion, mostly in his feminine energy or masculine when relating to women?

    #392 yayah! i was excited to finally come up with it and i felt happy to share it here.

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 4:50pm

  397. 397: LobbyStarNo Gravatar says:

    I met this guy on the dating site who bears an uncanny resemblance to S (my ex, who broke up with me, after which I ended up buying one of Rori’s programs and visiting this blog every day). I showed a pic of him to some friends, without mentioning the resemblance, and they all commented on it, so I know it’s not my imagination.

    We are conversing through the site, a message or two per day. He is not triggering me to use FMs at all with his words, being very respectful and even-keel.

    I don’t get the vibe that he’s really interested, but I suspect that may be NVs talking. After all, he’s still writing to me. But those NVs are being triggered not by anything he’s said (or not said), but rather by his S-ness. “S dumped me, so this doppelganger will too.”

    Go away, NVs. Nothing good can come from listening to you.

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 4:53pm

  398. 398: MelNo Gravatar says:

    Corin: Re 389

    No, actually I’ve never lived on my own. This is perhaps why I feel so emotional. I got married young at 21 and right out of university. I went straight from living at home to living with my husband. I’ve always been very independent and responsible, but I’ve never lived alone. For two summers during university I did some international exchanges. But even then, I wasn’t really “alone” because in one I was a camp counselor and the other time I lived in a dorm with a roommate. So now I’m almost 32 and will be living by myself for the first time. It feels a little scary and overwhelming. Especially since I do not have any family (or too many friends) close by.

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 4:54pm

  399. 399: alias girlNo Gravatar says:

    i feel complex ..a little.. sexually. i like when the guy is super respectful and not assuming i am a sexual “go” with him until i have decided. and this happens every single time we meet up. i can’t help it. that’s how i am wired.

    so especially with guys i haven’t even met yet. i don’t like when they say “you’re so sexy”. i feel like my boundaries are being crossed.

    but then once it is a “go” sexually with a man, i like him to be the aggressor and would love to hear how sexy i am.

    aw. no wonder men don’t know which way is up with me sometimes.

    although i just had a conversation with the man i last had sex with. i told him i like sex to be dirty. if it’s all lovey dovey then it doesn’t really do it for me.

    i mean obviously i want to undercurrent to be love but i like a little edge to it.

    lol. i feel weird sharing that. i feel a little inhibited when talking about sex.

    i feel curious how a long term committed sexual relationship would feel. i kind of have a feeling it would be pretty fun. i feel kind o eagerly anticipating just writing it.

    i feel weird again.

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 4:57pm

  400. 400: TeresaNo Gravatar says:

    #394 Emerson

    I noticed last week when I was with recycledCD and I started feeling uncomfortable with the conversation, I just went totally quiet like I almost completely shut down. It was like I froze and I didnt’ want to do that, but I finally did get a feeling message out and his response felt a bit insensitive. >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

    I think I do this also. feel bad, freeze up, close down.

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 5:18pm

  401. 401: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Ello Lovely Sirens,

    I feel really excited.

    I have been working away on my website tonight and Tinque has written a piece on sex which I have now published.

    You can view it here:

    http://www.redsirens.co.uk/sex-and-sexual-health.html

    Also, I have added some yummy and healthy/low fat recipes under the nutrition section.

    I can especially recommend ‘Julie’s Spring Chicken’ for a healthy summer meal and the muffins for a treat, but then of course I am biased!

    :-)

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 5:24pm

  402. 402: alias girlNo Gravatar says:

    i was just talking on the phone for the first time with a new POF guy. and i felt bad i had to ask him who he was because i don’t even keep track anymore.

    so my current profile i am looking for Short Term, Casual, Dating.

    and so immediately i feel like i am being interviewed to see if i qualify for the girlfriend trap.

    and i am answering all his questions honestly because

    i like who i am
    and i am not going to be ashamed of my truth

    and he asked about friends and i told him i don’t have any friends.

    and i could feel his vibe shift. and i could feel and hear all these subtle judgy blah blahs. and so then he got back on the interview track about “so does this mean you are just looking for short term casual?”

    YES! YES IT DOES! EXACTLY HOW I STATED IN MY PROFILE. wtf.

    anyway i kept using feeling messages and he said

    “it seems like You are just looking for the negative”

    ?? me? i am? dude.

    i am expressing how i feel in this conversation. and then he basically said blah blah not on same wavelength nice talking to you. click.

    i feel a little amused that he couldn’t even wait for a proper ending to the phone call because he was so triggered (by his own self and behavior- same what happened to thirdtrycd)

    because i don’t eat people’s sh*t anymore and they are left with their own stuff.

    anyway. i feel amused because i feel like he’ll probably be back. !!!!!! that feels kind of neat to me.

    and i said to myself after he hung up “dude, there are like a thousand guys in line behind you. whatever.”

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 5:47pm

  403. 403: kaitlynNo Gravatar says:

    Getting on a plane to get the heck out of l.a. for a month. I just decided this 2 days ago. My friend is subletting his apt and I lined up some work there. Boarding now.

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 5:51pm

  404. 404: LilybelleNo Gravatar says:

    384:

    No Mel!

    You CAN do this and I have no doubt about this at ALL! Come one girl…think about how cute you can make your new home…how much fun it will be to decorate it the way you want, how much fun it will be to find little treasures to place in it that define YOU.

    You no longer have to think about two different styles, you can really define your own! You will be busy, doing you own thing, having get togethers with friends and not have to answer to anyone..

    You CAN do this and it will be fun. It’s an adventure.

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 5:54pm

  405. 405: DENo Gravatar says:

    Kaitlyn #402:

    Sending u beautiful, wonderful thoughts! Hope u find kindness and love for yourself…just as I feel for u…

    warm hugs,

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 5:55pm

  406. 406: alias girlNo Gravatar says:

    funny. what i had feared often– pre rori –is if i expressed myself authentically people would get angry and turn it around on me. (family of origin trauma)

    and now that it happens it’s not so bad. because i have built up my self esteem and practiced in baby steps. sometimes my reaction is like “oh, hmm.”
    sometimes i still get triggered but i am making such awesome improvement and feeling so good about myself…

    i feel irresistable as my authentic self.

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 5:55pm

  407. 407: DENo Gravatar says:

    Ella #400:

    Congratulations Dahlings to both of u :) What a beautiful inspiration :)

    warm hugs,

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 5:56pm

  408. 408: LilybelleNo Gravatar says:

    384:

    And Mel, it is just simply ONE day at a time, one step forward followed by the other. You don’t have to take a look at the whole picture…just one day at a time.

    My birthday is next month also and I am busy thinking about what I want to do. Most likely, I will find huge enjoyment, having adult beverages and CDing the ENTIRE place.

    I so believe in your strength. Join me in this.

    xoxox

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 5:58pm

  409. 409: LilybelleNo Gravatar says:

    402:

    Kaitlyn~

    So happy to see you. Sending you lots of well wishes and happy thoughts for your adventure!

    I feel excited for you!

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 6:00pm

  410. 410: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    RE 345 Teresa I was just cutting and pasting some FM examples from some Rori enewsletters and yes they do have a context.

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 6:17pm

  411. 411: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Aspiringsiren that is one of the tough questions you ask yourself when you are with a man who you feel bad with or when you are in an unsatisfying relationship. It helps you clarify for yourself whether you want to stay or not.

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 6:26pm

  412. 412: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Does anyon else get a survey when they log on?

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 6:27pm

  413. 413: EmoticonNo Gravatar says:

    what do u sirens think about cursin my ex out… he jus pissed me the f*ck off

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 6:28pm

  414. 414: LilybelleNo Gravatar says:

    I did it! I went, I listened really, really well..and he talked a LOT! I would see him again for practice as there wasn’t really a chance to use FM’s on him…he talked so much.

    BUT, he dropped VIP Box seating to a Pro Golf tournament on me for Saturday… Two passes and parking. I have never been to a live tournament and while it isn’t the “now” guys, it is some of the classic, GREAT golfers.

    Box seating on the 18th hole. WOW. I was so appreciative and girly when I accepted this… I didn’t say no, I accepted with grace.

    Now, I need to get someone to go with me. That shouldn’t be hard. Oh, and I don’t golf but love the heck out of watching a good tournament. And, no camera’s, dang it!!!

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 6:31pm

  415. 415: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Curse him out and you convince him he was right in making you an ex. Hold on to your dignity it is the most attractive quality.

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 6:31pm

  416. 416: DENo Gravatar says:

    Emoticon:

    I agree with FW on # 414…

    use it as a great opportunity to riff and use feeling messages instead…

    warm hugs,

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 6:34pm

  417. 417: EmoticonNo Gravatar says:

    I dont even want him or any man of his type to see me as attractive to be honest. But i see what you mean. I’ll calm myself down and ignore his stupid self. I jus feel sooooo angry right now!!

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 6:35pm

  418. 418: DENo Gravatar says:

    Lilybelle #413:

    Hell Ya….biatcha!!!! U worth it!!!

    warm hugs,

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 6:36pm

  419. 419: EmoticonNo Gravatar says:

    Thanx FW and DE but i think i’ll choose to stay silent on this one. It’s okay to just say nothing right now. I’ve told him I’m angry and right now i just do not want to be having any type of conversation with him

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 6:37pm

  420. 420: DENo Gravatar says:

    Emoticon:

    It’s absolutely OK to be angry…upset…go behind the anger…what do u feel? afraid? disrespected? unheard? unworthy?

    how do these feelings feel in u body?

    explore them…this is awesome!!!!

    warm hugs,

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 6:37pm

  421. 421: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Emoticon the important thing is that you see yourself as attractive. You don’t have to express your anger to him, it might release too much stress hormones in your body that could make you sick. Your anger can be expressed here.

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 6:38pm

  422. 422: MelNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks Lil! How was your fisherman CD?

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 6:38pm

  423. 423: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Read this today

    “Negative attention is still attention. It lets a man know he still has a hold on you”.

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 6:46pm

  424. 424: EmoticonNo Gravatar says:

    … I feel unheard and disrespected….. i feel taken for granted…. i feel light headed. I do feel scared. I feel scared that i don’t know what is going on and what I’m gonna do now that everything has come to pass.

    I know i keep telling myself that no matter what happens i will be ok… and as attractive as I am I feel like I still need him … sadly, for the sake of my image.

    I feel ignored, unimportant. I feel degraded, like all I have is sex. Like i have nothing else to offer. >:( and that feels horrible like a strange pain in my chest that won’t go away. I keep replaying his words in my head and that pain just gets stronger and i feel tears welling up. And since I feel so scared to let myself cry i jus feel like cursing him out. :’(

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 6:47pm

  425. 425: LilybelleNo Gravatar says:

    421:

    Mel~ See 413….

    I can feel your energy….

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 6:48pm

  426. 426: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Emoticon I would encourage you to find the courage to cry.

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 6:50pm

  427. 427: ice PrincessNo Gravatar says:

    An old FWB ( from over 5 years ago) contacted me on Facebook and told me that he missed our passion. I feel so energized hearing that.

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 6:52pm

  428. 428: DENo Gravatar says:

    Emoticon:

    Yes, yes, yes…now, go to the next level…how does it feel in u body????

    this is sooo important…

    i feel sooo proud of u for working through it…and yes, less those tears out if u feel them…

    warm hugs,

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 6:53pm

  429. 429: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Read this on another thread today:-

    He must feel you choose to be with him, not that you need to be with him. Only then will he perceive you as an equal partner.

    Act like a prize and turn him into a believer.

    A man takes a woman for granted when he will he’s interested, but will no longer go out of his way.

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 6:55pm

  430. 430: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Alias Girl,

    Re 401,

    Only have only really caught a few of your posts recently and I know you are trying some new stuff.

    I do feel curious and some of your posts have left me feeling like ‘eh?’ kinda confused…

    Like ‘is this Rori stuff? Or something else?’

    These are the questions in my head that catching bits of your posts have triggered.

    I wondered about he bit in your profile about short term, casual, dating… are you not looking for a husband etc?

    Also I felt curious about the statement that you don’t have any friends. I would love to understand this as for me as a Siren/woman/person my friends are important and help me feel loved and supported.

    xoxox

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 6:56pm

  431. 431: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Ice Princess opportunity to practice FM and some confidence. “I know you miss it because I am a goddess who knows how to enjoy herself. You won’t find that anywhere else”. fan fan myself whew I’m so hot.

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 6:58pm

  432. 432: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @389: Corin says:
    “…You can have the space exactly how you want it, no compromising whatsoever with another personson’s opinon!…”

    Yay! What can we do? Anything we want, isn’t it wonderful!!! But having a guy to share would be nice too… I think… sometimes I’m not too sure. I’ve been trying to practice to get the feel of having a guy around the house all the time. I’m not too sure how well I’ve done with this.

    I have an “invisible sweetie” (don’t ask… LOL :lol: ) to remind me how it would be to have a man around, to make space for him and to anticipate what we could be doing. I think I might be a failure at that because I kind of forget about “him” most of the time… Practice, practice…

    xoxo

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 7:00pm

  433. 433: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Er whenever I think about the law of attraction in relation to stuff happening in my life my brain immediately jumps to all the stuff I don’t want to happen… a bit like when I say ‘don’t think of a banana’

    And then I feel panic in my stomach and can’t seem to turn my thoughts to what I do want.

    And that exascerbates the panic because I think ‘help, I am attracting all this bad stuff with my powerful mind! Ahh!’

    Ideas anyone?

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 7:00pm

  434. 434: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    RE 432

    Maybe it is a bit like why Rori is not a huge fan of affirmations, and instead suggests set intentions?

    I don’t know would love some help on this because I do believe in the LOA.

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 7:02pm

  435. 435: ice PrincessNo Gravatar says:

    FW,
    While it felt good to hear, I can’t bring him back into my life because he is now married. Now if only I can attract available, normal guys.

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 7:03pm

  436. 436: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Just because he is married doesn’t mean he is not attracted. He might be coming back to help reinforce your belief that you are a magnet that can attract men.

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 7:05pm

  437. 437: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Hmmm a guy on POF just said to me in an e-mail ‘You don’t look in bad nick for 30′

    Err, ok! Er thanks? I guess.

    Hmmm.

    He is 39!

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 7:05pm

  438. 438: EmoticonNo Gravatar says:

    I jus feel like my heart wants to explode or it wants to at least come out for a little air…. it jus feels heavy and my whole body feels heavy actually… especially my heart and my stomach. I feel slightly light headed tho and i feel my eyes burning…. like the next big exhale is gonna get the tears flowing :( ugh… :(

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 7:05pm

  439. 439: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    “Now if only I can attract available, normal guys.”

    Lol – I hear ya IP!

    xoxox

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 7:06pm

  440. 440: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Emoticon re 437

    Wow! Great riffing and feeling work.

    Well done.

    xoxox

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 7:07pm

  441. 441: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Ella I feel curious why he would say that. I wonder if it is because he feels that he looks bad for his age?

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 7:07pm

  442. 442: DENo Gravatar says:

    Ella:

    I noticed from many of u posts…when u appear to be riffing…to actually switch quickly from a “bad feeling” to a good feeling by using words of affirmation…

    That is very dangerous to me…u have to feel the vibration and intensity of the words u choose…or otherwise would backfire…

    I suggest begin with gratitude when we feel sad/lonely;…only after we acknowledge these feelings (sad, mad, lonely, etc) can we show gratitude…and only after gratitude…possibly using words of affirmation if u can imagine and feel what u are saying…

    does it make sense?

    warm hugs,

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 7:10pm

  443. 443: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Daria re 373

    Love it!

    Thank you. xx

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 7:14pm

  444. 444: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    DE re 441,

    No sorry I feel confused.

    :-(

    xoxox

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 7:16pm

  445. 445: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    DE I so resonate with what you are saying about gratitude. Even though sometimes I get negative thoughts and feelings I still feel grateful that I am alive and experiencing myself as a human being and at the same time learning to create life the way I want it.

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 7:17pm

  446. 446: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    FW,

    No, he looked ok.

    There was only 1 pic of him.

    xoxox

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 7:17pm

  447. 447: PlumNo Gravatar says:

    402: kaitlyn

    Ha ha Kaitlyn! I swear I was lying in bed and thinking of you, wondering how things were going for you. Then I got out of bed and came here to leave you a message and found yours :)

    In a plane, that’s life! Have a great month :)

    xxx

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 7:17pm

  448. 448: DENo Gravatar says:

    FW #444:

    Exactly…and only from this place we can create positive affirmations…

    when we bypass the gratitude stage…u are faking it…because we are asking for abundance from a place of scarcity and not wealth (being happy/appreciative of what u have)…We can only attract abundance from a place of feeling “abundant”…that’s the vibrational frequency we want…

    Ella, this is my answer to u…as to why u are tempted to have negative thougths when u try to apply the LOA…

    thank u FW…

    warm hugs,

    Now, does it make sense?

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 7:22pm

  449. 449: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Ella that doesn’t mean he doesn’t feel bad about himself deep inside. Remember most of the times it is not about you. I feel compassion for people as I assume they are talking about themselves.

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 7:22pm

  450. 450: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    I keep reading the beginning of Mille’s letter above and find myself disagreeing with her in my mind. How could she say she was happily married for 35 years and on decision on his part destroyed everything? I find myself saying “her intuition must have been speaking to. I wonder if she was ignoring it?”

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 7:26pm

  451. 451: DENo Gravatar says:

    I feel fabulous…i feel rich…i feel Goddessy…i feel Queen…yes, darn it…I sooooo feel it tonite!!!

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 7:31pm

  452. 452: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    DE I think I understand what you mean

    My question about LOA I guess was a fairly light hearted one… and yet it has been on my mind.

    I see what you mean about it has to come from a place of abundance.

    And I do practice gratitude A LOT.

    The negative thoughts don’t terrify me I just wish I could switch them off sometimes, not stuff, just choose positive thoughts instead of my mind always jumping to scarcity thoughts.

    I can see the sense in practicing gratitude when this come up.

    When I riff I do sometimes flip my bad thoughts/feelings and bring them round to positive.

    It doesn’t feel dangerous to me.

    Because I am acknowledging the bad feelings, and feeling them and letting them be.

    And then sometimes something just shifts, and there is enough of a space for a positive thought.

    And then sometimes this just morphes the feeling, and it lifts and changes to something lighter, or more positive.

    Somtimes it morphes back again too.

    I like to flip it when I know my negative feelings are caused by negative thought loops and I can interupt these.

    It doesn’t feel fake to me.

    Sometimes fake it till I make it in terms of thoughts, but always aiming for authenticity with my feelings.

    I feel a little bit triggered by the words about ‘you are faking it’

    And its ok.

    I definitely want to improve my vibrational level.

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 7:39pm

  453. 453: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    DE

    Forgot the kisses

    xoxox :-)

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 7:40pm

  454. 454: ice PrincessNo Gravatar says:

    “Red flag guy” just texted me “what’s a man have to do to get to know you? It’s almost as if you’re too shyer just don’t know what to say. You told me your trip was good then that was it.”.

    I don’t really want anything to do with him but part of me wants to put him in his place. What do you all think?

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 7:40pm

  455. 455: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    DE My dance teacher said something tonite that I have read from a coach. She said touch yourself as you dance, love yourself, feel your goddess energy. All the while she was touching her face, her hair, crossed her hands over her chest saying “love yourself’, touching her hips “yeah feel sexy”. She said it is something that dancers do. I felt any energy shift when I did it looking at myself in the mirror tonite in the dance studio.

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 7:42pm

  456. 456: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    IP you could hit him with a FM…

    that usually shuts up the complainy ones… makes them have to stop and think for a second.

    What do you think?

    xoxox

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 7:43pm

  457. 457: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Ha ha I feel very amused with the names we give our CDs on here

    :-)

    Great.

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 7:43pm

  458. 458: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    RE 453 I am a goddess looking for god willing to relate to, not an mere mortal. What do you think?

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 7:44pm

  459. 459: ice PrincessNo Gravatar says:

    LOL FW!

    Okay, how would this sound, “I feel terrible that I am expected to carry a relationship all by myself. That is not what I am looking for.”

    How is that?

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 7:47pm

  460. 460: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    IP it is hard to know without a context? How do you know his expectations? He says he wants to get to know you.

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 7:49pm

  461. 461: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    IP

    I don’t know the full context and I might go for ‘I always feel better when a man leads the conversation’ I might also say ‘I feel a little offended, I have plenty to say’

    Or some variation of that.

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 7:49pm

  462. 462: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    DE I also meant to say thank you for the stuff around LOA & gratitude,

    Definitely something for me to take away and allow to sink in.

    Feeling tired.

    Almost time to log off and get some Siren rest.

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 7:51pm

  463. 463: DENo Gravatar says:

    FW: #454

    I am feeling u , feeling u…:) beautiful tool …:)

    Warm hugs,

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 7:51pm

  464. 464: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Or “I feel terrible. I don’t want to handle the plans but I would be open to whatever you have in mind”?

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 7:52pm

  465. 465: DENo Gravatar says:

    Ella:

    I feel soo happy for getting my hugs from u tonite :)

    Thank u for taking the feedback as a Pro Rock!!!

    warm hugs,

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 7:52pm

  466. 466: ice PrincessNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks Ella I like your message better. I’m going to send it and see what happens.

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 7:53pm

  467. 467: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    IP cool – let us know how it goes. xx

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 7:56pm

  468. 468: EmoticonNo Gravatar says:

    DE and FW

    I let myself cry…. cry until the negative thoughts didnt have as much of a crying effect. I must admit my body feels so much better. I spent the last 30 minutes dancing and doing my floor stretches. My body feels so energized now. There is still a bit of sadness, but I let it run through my body as i dance and sadness has never felt better and more comfortable within my body. I dont hate my sadness anymore, it feels so necessary. i dont know how else to say it it just feels sooo necessary!! DE and FW i thank you guys so much for tonight!! Im here chatting with a friend but after that I am going right back to dancing because sadness has never felt so sexy!

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 8:05pm

  469. 469: ice PrincessNo Gravatar says:

    That was kind of fun since I wanted to get rid of him. He said ” well sweetheart I am genuinely interested in you but when a person doesn’t say much or gives one word responses, I feel kinda like I am wasting their time or that not reLly into what I have to offer.”. ( I really wanted to ask what it is he had to offer but I refrained). Finally I got annoyed and said “I don’t want to feel like I am having to reassure someone.”. I know that really isn’t a feeling message, but I didn’t feel like continuing with him.

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 8:05pm

  470. 470: PlumNo Gravatar says:

    IP 453

    “””Oh? Did you get than many words from me on a text? Lucky guy! Well if you want to know more, you got my number ;) ”””

    xxx

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 8:37pm

  471. 471: ice PrincessNo Gravatar says:

    I like it, Plum. I think he will leave me alone but I appreciate all the feedback and practicing I get to do here! :)

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 8:40pm

  472. 472: PlumNo Gravatar says:

    Why Do You Want to Communicate With Your Partner?
    By Dr. Margaret Paul
    December 31, 2006

    Many couples claim that their problems stem from a lack of communication. Discover which forms of communication work and which create problems.

    When partners are having problems, they often say that the problem is communication. What exactly does this mean? What are they trying to communicate?

    There are various reasons for communicating:
    Sometimes we communicate to offer information about ourselves, such as, “I’m going out for a walk,” or “The dinner reservations are for 7:00.”
    Sometimes we communicate to ask for help with tasks, such as, “I need to move the couch to clean under it and I can’t lift it. Would you help me?”
    Sometimes we communicate to learn something about the other person, such as “Please help me to understand why you are feeling upset with me. I care about you and I really want to understand.”
    Sometimes we communicate to ask for help regarding ourselves, such as, “I’m feeling very anxious and I don’t know why. Would you talk with me for awhile? Maybe if I talk about it I will understand it.”

    For the most part, these forms of communication do not cause problems, unless there is an ulterior motive.
    An ulterior motive occurs when the intention of the communication is to have some control over the other person.
    When the intent of the above communications is to offer information, ask for help, or to learn, then there will likely not be problems.
    But these same communications can be spoken with an intent to control.
    The intent to control will be communicated through a harsh or judgmental tone of voice and through a hard, closed energy.

    For example, “I’m going for a walk!” said with anger, has behind it an intent to control the other person through punishment. The real communication is “You have behaved in a way that is unacceptable to me so I am punishing you by withdrawing from you.”
    “The dinner reservations are for 7:00,” can be said in a tone that says, “…and you better be there.”

    Asking for help in moving the couch can be either a request or a demand, depending upon the intent.
    A request can be answered, “Sorry, I’m really busy right now. I will help you later,” without repercussions.
    When the same thing is said as a demand, the other person is not allowed to say no without negative consequences.

    You can ask someone why he or she is upset with you from a true desire to learn, or from an intent to control. When your intent is to control, you will likely argue with whatever the person says, trying to talk him or her out of the upset.

    When you are upset, you can ask for help because you really do want to learn and take responsibility for your feelings, or because you want the other person to fix you, to take care of you, to rescue you. People often want to communicate their feelings to get the other person to change, rather than to learn and take responsibility for their feelings.

    Problems with communication will always occur when the intent is to control. So when clients of mine say, “We can’t communicate,” I immediately know that one or both of them are coming from an intent to control in their communications. They are intent on trying to get the other person to change.

    The intent to control often creates power struggles in relationships. While most people certainly want to be in control, they do not want to be controlled. So when one person is coming from the intent to control, the other person may respond with resistance. Power struggles result when one person behaves in a controlling way and the other person resists being controlled.

    When one person is intent on controlling and the other gives in to keep the peace, it may seem like the relationship is working. However, the compliant person is often covertly angry and may resist in an other area, such as sexually. When you give yourself up to avoid conflict, you generally resent the person you give yourself up to, which doesn’t create the emotional intimacy necessary to feel sexually intimate.

    Next time you want to communicate with your partner, ask yourself, “Why do I want to communicate?” If you discover that you are wanting to get the other person to change, consider doing an Inner Bonding process instead – deciding how to take care of yourself instead of trying to get your partner to change. You might discover that you get a far better result!

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 9:23pm

  473. 473: PlumNo Gravatar says:

    From InnerBonding
    Sometimes sharing feelings is a form of control
    If I say “I am really angry about what you said” what I am really doing is I am blaming the other person and I am making them responsible for me and I am trying to control them in some way with my blame. This an attack, this is a blame, this a form of control

    When one person share feelings with the intention to make the other change his intention, it does not work, you cannot change the other person’s intention. The other person will shut down, they will go in resistance to your control.
    InnerBonding Teleseminar
    http://instantteleseminar.com/?eventid=20544141

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 9:29pm

  474. 474: WildflowerNo Gravatar says:

    feeling so frustrated and d-o-n-e. Drove to my date’s house tonight. He made me dinner and we talked for a while and that felt nice. Then we kissed for a couple of hours. Then I had to go.

    He walked me to my car and kissed me goodbye. No mention when he would call again. Then I had to drive home late at night in the dark in a downpour. It was hailing and my gps wasn’t picking up a signal and I made a wrong turn and kind of drove through a bad part of the city.

    I felt sad, pathetic, gross and pissed off at everything. I feel angry at myself for letting it come to this. I feel like a well disguised booty call. I feel angry at myself for being afraid to be alone. At least his half @ss dates are something to look forward to…I guess. Although I HATE feeling like this. I want a REAL relationship like everyone else in the friggin world seems to be able to manage. I will try my best to RIFF in the next comment.

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 9:42pm

  475. 475: PlumNo Gravatar says:

    Relationships: Prescribing the Symptom
    By Dr. Margaret Paul
    November 14, 2007

    Discover how “prescribing the symptom” can turn complaining, whining, anger and power struggles into laughter and healing.

    “Sam whines and complains to me a lot, and then expects me to be turned on to him and make love with him. When I don’t want to, he gets angry,” said Jackie in our first telephone counseling session. “I have become more and more shut down. I don’t want our marriage to end, but if we keep going this way, that is what is going to happen.”

    “Jackie, what happens when you try to talk with Sam about this?”

    “He just gets defensive and blames me for his unhappiness. I just don’t know what to do.”

    “It sounds like Sam wants control over you, but is very resistant to anything you have to say, and then the two of you get into a power struggle. What I think might help is doing what I call ‘prescribing the symptom.’ Let’s do some role-plays so you can see what I mean. You be Sam complaining and I will be you.”

    (Jackie being Sam, using a whiny voice) “Honey, I just couldn’t sleep last night, and I’m feeling so anxious about work. Maybe tonight we can be together.”

    (Me, being Jackie) “Sam maybe if you whine just a little bit more and try to make me feel really guilty, I will feel turned on to you!”

    “Wow,” laughed Jackie, “that might work!”

    “Let’s try some other role-plays.”

    “Okay. (Being Sam, yelling) You know what Jackie? I’ve had it with you. I don’t feel loved at all. Why should I stay in the marriage?”

    (Me, being Jackie) “Sam, you are not being angry and threatening enough. Maybe if you yell even louder and threaten more you can have control over getting me to love you.”

    “Oh, I love this! I think that Sam is the kind of person who will really get this!”

    In our next session Jackie had much to report.

    “This was a terrific week! I prescribed the symptom at least three times! Each time Sam looked at me like I was crazy and then started to laugh. He is really getting how ridiculous it is for him to think that whining and complaining and yelling will get me turned on to him. Near the end of the week he was much lighter and happier and I actually felt turned on to him! We made love for the first time in months.”

    Prescribing the symptom is an excellent way for some people to gain awareness of what they are doing that is not working well for them. When you are prescribing the symptom, it is important to:
    Speak in a light, joking way, with no judgment.
    Describe the behavior, encouraging the person to do it even more.
    Describe the intent behind the behavior. For example, the intent of Sam’s whining and complaining was to make Jackie feel guilty enough to give in. The intent behind anger or complaining is to have control over getting what the person wants. It is very helpful to articulate this intent to control, as I did in the role-play by saying, “Maybe if you yell even louder and threaten more you can have control over getting me to love you.”

    Many people are resistant and hate it when someone tells them what to do. When you tell a resistant person to do exactly what they are doing, and in fact to do it even more, they are likely to resist you and stop doing what they are doing – whether they are children or adults. After all, when someone is whining and complaining or getting angry, he or she is being a controlling child who wants to be in control, but does not want to be controlled.

    Sometimes, prescribing the symptom can work wonders!

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 9:43pm

  476. 476: WildflowerNo Gravatar says:

    I need to date men whose energy is flowing to me even if I’m not crazy attracted to them.
    I want a man who makes me feel loved, happy, secure, and beautiful. It feels nice to want that although my nasty voice is saying yeah right you’ll never have that. But it would feel nice to feel loved and be able to just be myself. I feel slightly happier just writing those words.

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 9:45pm

  477. 477: WildflowerNo Gravatar says:

    I feel so overwhelmed with everything going on with my dad’s illness. I feel tired, and overwhelmed and resentful and exhausted. I love my exhaustion. I feel disgusting because I haven’t been able to keep a regular workout schedule. I still love myself. I feel gross because I’ve been drinking too much caffeine and eating too much bread. I still love myself. I feel ANGRY that I seem to always have to deal with this crap alone. I love my anger.

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 9:50pm

  478. 478: alias girlNo Gravatar says:

    #429 ella

    rori helps women find their “happy ever after”. a lot of women are looking for marriage. i am looking for whatever feels good in the moment. for now. maybe that will change. i used to want a one and only. meh. rori i think hinted that as a result of cding a woman may change her mind about what she wants. or maybe i am imagining that. i seem to remember it in the modern siren program?

    i am about the Now. also after all this work on self-realization i realize my current emotional capabilities as a human being and they are short term. i never had a stable emotional bond as a child and hence do not feel properly wired for it. so until those connections are made within myself, i can only be where i am at.

    plus. this is what feels good to me right now. i change my profile all the time. sometimes i am looking for a “relationship” and sometimes no. lol. same profile name. lol. men are probably like WTF.

    i don’t care. i do for me what feels good for me.

    every siren uses rori’s blog differently. some are honing their coaching skills. some are practicing the tools. some are promoting their own blogs. or whatever.

    i use it as a way to practice rori’s tools. as well as a space for me to experiment with different ways of being or exploring my own humanity.

    i have been very isolated and wasn’t socialized well so this blog is a way to practice how to interact with other humans as well. somehow on the alien mothership i missed that training session or something.

    i feel kind of special you asked about me. Thank you. :)

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 10:06pm

  479. 479: alias girlNo Gravatar says:

    #454 FW i like. :)

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 10:14pm

  480. 480: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    DE,

    RE: #393 – LOL, thank you! I have a really silly side to me, not to mention passive aggressive! The latter – I am working on! Bad Bren!

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 10:18pm

  481. 481: alias girlNo Gravatar says:

    #471 plum. i like this a lot. it reminded me of the gary zukav book seat of the soul. it was all about intentions. which is energy. which people can feel on some level.

    this is a good reminder. i am glad i read it.

    i don’t want to control anyone. nor do i want to be controlled. i want to connect on a level of intimacy and (if possible) FUN !

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 10:19pm

  482. 482: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    SLV,

    RE: #361 – Yep, I was throwing the first stone. No, I don’t know her. I think I was just letting off some steam, pent up frustrations, with a stranger who does not have the ability to destroy my life. Apartment hunting is very hard work. Bad Bren!

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 10:19pm

  483. 483: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Susan and Mali,

    Tanks for liking my naughtiness! The deal was about a reduced rent for repairing the home while living in it.

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 10:21pm

  484. 484: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    I’m obsessed with penises these days. Must have something to do with being single. yeah, that’s it – I need my own penis. I need to marry a man with a penis.

    Oh, yeah, but I’ve been working on that goal for all of my adult life! Aaaaaah! I want a penis! I need a penis!

    Ahem, ahem (**clearing her throat**)…Okay, I feel much better now.

    Hello ladies, I am so excited about dating and meeting the man of my dreams! Men are such marvelous creatures. No, no, I don’t care if I get sex in the next two decades! Whatever gave you that idea? I have all the time in the world! Let me just go on CDing a bunch of losers until all my hair turns grey and my pussy turns into a dried up prune!

    Hello, Brenda is feeling a bit frustrated and discouraged about men tonight.

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 10:28pm

  485. 485: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Daria,

    I wish I knew feeling messages as fluently as you. I WANT to use them in my every day interactions. I just can’t seem to think and speak in feeling messages fast enough yet. I stumble. But I am trying, and I am progressing. I want to listen to all of Rori’s programs over again. Just got to get my life a little stable first. I am too busy jobhunting and apartment hunting right now.

    I do like penises, tho.

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 10:31pm

  486. 486: alias girlNo Gravatar says:

    in fact i feel kind of wow that since i have done practically a 180 on my desires since finding rori how different my whole situation feels to me now

    i feel a little like the unavailable men i used to date. i feel they are honing in on me. wanting more than i am ready for. i feel pressure. i feel turned off by neediness or clinginess. i feel turned off by behavior with intent “to get” from me.

    so i feel really appreciative for this insight and actually EXPERIENCING what that feels like first hand. And it feel AWFUL and it makes me want to put space between me and that person. and it encourages me to keep dating others. lol.

    it’s just really interesting for me.

    i am loving where i am right now. at least in this moment. could change in a second.

    but overall my set point has become very –feeling good— a lot of the time.

    rori said that would happen. we would find a new normal.

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 10:32pm

  487. 487: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    395: alias girl says:
    #391 emerson. i feel curious. was this man, in your opinion, mostly in his feminine energy or masculine when relating to women?

    Hmm that is a good question. I think he is a bit of both, but that particular day I noticed him being so feminine in his energy/actions and I was really working on out-girling him. He acted lost in the store we were at because he’s never been there before, he was like “I don’t know where the drinks are”…. (what’s with these guys and their lostness in new environs??? Pah-;leez!)

    And he did a couple other things that were challenging me to stay in feminine energy….it was good practice! baby steps.

    He CAN be masculine though, when I’m really consistent in my girliness it works well with him and I don’t have to outgirl him at all.

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 10:45pm

  488. 488: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    399: Teresa says:
    #394 Emerson
    I noticed last week when I was with recycledCD and I started feeling uncomfortable with the conversation, I just went totally quiet like I almost completely shut down. It was like I froze and I didnt’ want to do that, but I finally did get a feeling message out and his response felt a bit insensitive. >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
    I think I do this also. feel bad, freeze up, close down.
    ****************

    Thanks for your reply Teresa….I realized that later in the day I was able to identify my feelings at that moment and come up with feeling messages right away…and make sense of it for myself.

    It was just a little delayed that’s all…but at least I recognized/identified my feelings eventually! Then I felt really clear! Better late than never!

    It’s just practice, and baby steps are ok…next time maybe I’ll be able to identifiy/verbalize my feelings in the moment better….

    I realized also that I was “afraid” to interrupt or say something and that caused me to be afraid to FEEL what I was feeling….it was like a whole block went up.

    But…I didn’t want to interrupt him or really say how I felt because I was scared of his reaction. His reply was less than stellar…but I have to remind myself that it’s not life or death if I say the wrong thing or if it makes him feel uncomfortable….who cares!!!

    Hugs,
    Emerson

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 10:50pm

  489. 489: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    Mel and Susan, I think eye rolling is one of the most rude annoying things someone can do. It’s so disrespectful. I would soo be triggered by this and Iiterally call people on it when they do it, I say “DID YOU JUST ROLL YOUR EYES AT ME?”
    It actually makes me realllly angry, if you want to know the truth!!!!!!

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 10:52pm

  490. 490: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    Susan, I love your words in 271!!
    I am impressed with the ceiling fans, chainsaw, and sailing! You are amazing! And encouraging.

    Mel and Susan, I am single and have lived on my own since I was 19 (I am now 40) and my Mother still says things like “I hope you will be able to handle that….” while wringing her hands and looking worried…or I hope you’re not too tired, upset, etc etc to handle this or that or going to work etc….

    And it’s about the most ridiculous things. I get short with her sometimes but I know she’s my Mom and is just worried because she is a Mom.

    But, I have turned it around on her and said, “Mom, maybe it’s you who can’t handle it!” Or I literally turn it back on her and say, nicely, “I’m not tired but are you?”

    She is overwhelmed or tired or whatever, and she projects that feeling onto me.

    It makes me angry. But I try to be patient and kind. Because she is a nice person overall and I knwo she loves me.

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 11:03pm

  491. 491: alias girlNo Gravatar says:

    also my reaction apparently is to do what the men i used to date would do which is to immediately, up front, stave off all the pressure by saying i want short term and casual.

    it literally feels like too much pressure for me.

    so i actually don’t know what i want. it changes from moment to moment based on how i feel and how good i am doing with boundaries and who it is that is asking.

    if it is a HHG, i probably want MORE than short term casual.

    or maybe not.

    i dunno.

    i want to feel good.

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 11:10pm

  492. 492: alias girlNo Gravatar says:

    #486 thanks for responding emerson. :)

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 11:12pm

  493. 493: alias girlNo Gravatar says:

    sometimes i want 4 boyfriends

    sometimes i want my ex

    then other times i want my other ex

    then other times i want my way back ex

    sometimes i want them all as my boyfriend at the same time

    sometimes i want a life partner

    it’s not easy being me. lol. or dating me.

    but is easy to love me.

    although survey results may vary.

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 11:19pm

  494. 494: English WomanNo Gravatar says:

    #431 SLV

    Forgetting about your “sweetie” – oh that really did make me LOL!! :D

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 11:44pm

  495. 495: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    Sirens, what do you think? I am a lil frustrated with father of 3 CD. He is a former co-worker that contacted me out of the blue a few months back.. was very flirty and told me he’d always liked me, etc,,,I was surprised but intrigued, and decided I’d see what happens…so, we’ve been corresponding by email only.
    He has been saying he really wants to see me…and so I agreed and then he had to break the date because he got injured, but he really wanted to resched and apologized, etc, I replied back via email that I understand and we can reschedule, just touch base when the resched date comes closer, then I closed it with “what do you think”….well the date is looming closer and he has not replied to that email.

    I feel annoyed and disapointed that he reached out to me and made such a big deal about wanting to see me etc and now just poof….what a dorkus. I feel annoyed and taked for a ride like a fool, and I want to write him back again since he hasnt responded (its been over a week) and ask him why he asked me to get together if he is just going to flake? But I don’t want to sound blamey or needy…I need to stay sireny.
    BTW, he gave me his number, and I gave him mine but he never has called.
    Should I write him off????

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 11:47pm

  496. 496: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    Daria, I think your feeling messages about fears of marriage and children are very genuine sounding….I have those fears too.

    I mean, I WANT a husband and kids and lifelong relationships like that….but I feel scared that I will want to have sex with other men and that I might feel unfufilled. I’m very loyal in relationships, but I’ve never been with anyone longer than 4 years.

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 11:49pm

  497. 497: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    Regarding my father of 3 CD, I kinda got all excited about seeing him again, so I do want to. I am curious and intrigued.

    Wednesday, 3 August 2011 @ 11:51pm

  498. 498: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    I just went with “i want marriage and children” because Rori kept talking about it.

    It wasn’t something I would allow myself to really want

    it wasn’t for me – i was WARRIOR woman, who will probably die early for a romantic tragic cause like loyalty and equality and freedom –

    my goal for some of the programs – Rori asks us to pick a goal at first – was “to be able to date any man I want”

    I am doing GREAT with that goal.

    The only time I notice I DO want marriage and children is when i fall strongly in love with a man. So thank you to the ones that have me attracted powerfully because when I feel it for them – I find myself wanting marriage, wanting children … everything

    so i know i want it!

    just obscured by the fears

    if i want it with them, i WANT it

    Rori just happened to get me with that and bypass my huge cloud of fears and confusion and I was able to cling to a glimmer of the truth of what I really want

    past the cloud of what I thought was possible, reasoanable, and what i thought i deserved

    Thursday, 4 August 2011 @ 12:17am

  499. 499: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Mel – about the asking him questions…

    Rori had a situation on Love Scripts where teh woman would do a project and ask her husband what he thought, and almost always he would criticize it. It turns out this was a pattern of hers from childhood and she was setting herself up for it

    Rori advised her to not ask him any more. Some things are not about sharing – I feel a bit confused about this, but as Rori is so spot on on everything, i will get it im sure – Rori doesnt share her writing with her husband for example, its not about him. The connection happens in other ways.

    So unless you are sure of a positive response, or theres no one else to ask AT all an you just have to ask him, I wouldnt ask him.

    If I did, it would have to be… hey, im feeling concerned, is this a good time to talk?

    im feeling anxious about what time blah blah

    .

    This is all kinda boy logistics about moving so it can be tricky.

    Anyway the idea is to have a marvelous life right now wehre you’re going on lots of dates, have your hair styled, and barely even notice he’s there if he is, because you’re so busy going out and having extravagant amounts of fun.

    That is what will shift the vibe.

    That is also how you’re not going to be alone when you do get your own place.

    Thursday, 4 August 2011 @ 12:27am

  500. 500: RiverGirlNo Gravatar says:

    Hey Sirens,
    Its been a while since I’ve posted here but I’ve been following along and I’m in awe of the growth I’m seeing here. Mel, wow, you are at the start of a whole new chapter and you get to write the story!

    It’s been an interesting time for me, IT guy seems to have vanished without a trace and we never did get to meet. My nvs are telling me that I might have put up some walls in response to his early intensity. I feel ok about that though because I was able to be more open with him about my feelings in real time. That’s a big step up from trying to work out what to say in advance or how I SHOULD have said something after the event.
    Meanwhile, two other CDs have resurfaced. GentleSteel guy said he is coming here to teach me to weld next weekend…that should be fun! I feel good about that but am conscious that I need to stay open to whatever happens and not be pre-emptive and put out icky vibes. A sneaky voice has been reminding me that he has cancelled at the last minute in the past with no new plans.
    Whatever it is, it is helping me from getting too much in my head about Texting Man who is overseas right now and I’m feeling a void….my phones has gone dead as my newer cds know to phone me. Oh well, I’ve let him know and if that’s what he has to offer me, I accept it. He knows it is not enough for me.

    Thursday, 4 August 2011 @ 12:29am

  501. 501: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Lobbystar – i hope you’re using FM’s anyway! FMs are not just for triggered situations…

    positive FM’s are crucial to building connection!

    Thursday, 4 August 2011 @ 12:31am

  502. 502: RiverGirlNo Gravatar says:

    Try to re-write my on line profile and I would love some input. Specially the first few paragraphs as it reads a bit negative to me. Don’t hold back! thanks in advance.

    (Headline)
    Looking for the guy I don’t want to say goodbye to. Hello : )

    About Me
    I’m probably a little reserved at first but when you get to know me you’ll find a friendly, caring person who knows her own mind but isn’t afraid to challenge it with new ideas.

    I’m quite serious about things that are important to me and also love to fool around and have a laugh. I love staying out late at a good party once in a while and can usually manage to get up bright and cheery the next day. My favourite times are when I’m having dinner and great conversation with good friends or something more intimate with someone special.

    I feel good dressing up for a big occasion and I’m also happy getting messed up while wrecking my fingernails in the garden or pulling a calf on a freezing cold night.

    I love travelling and finding new places almost as much as I love coming home again and although it is hard to get away from the farm sometimes, I feel renewed when I do. I often head off for a drive with no particular purpose and take spontaneous detours via the scenic route, just for the fun of it. I enjoy a little indulgence, but I’m not really one for glitzy resorts or glamorous shopping holidays; dusty outback tracks and dense jungles are much more exciting! I travelled through Africa and saw a bit of Europe in my early twenties and I feel very curious about South America so it’s on my bucket list – not sure when I’ll get there as it’s a pretty long list. : )
    I feel happy when I consider life’s journey so far and have much to look forward to. I would love to find a like minded soul to share some dreams and new adventures with while taking time to get to know and trust each other.

    What I’m Looking For

    If I had a checklist and you ticked every box there would be nothing left to discover. I long for a deep connection with a compassionate and purposeful man with a wicked sense of humour.

    Thursday, 4 August 2011 @ 12:35am

  503. 503: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    for general info, Rori also says to avoid using “disrespected” as a feeling message in Love Scripts

    Lillybelle – when a man talks too much and you don’t get to, that IS an opportunity for a feeling message…

    wow it feels amazing to listen to your story, and im feeling a bit weird, i feel like i can’t get a word in edgewise

    Thursday, 4 August 2011 @ 12:38am

  504. 504: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Ella – i noticed a comment by you about friends no friends

    I felt like i didn’t have any friends for the last 2 years!!

    it was only the past few months that some new friends appeared

    i feel jealous sometimes of Siren’s like yourself who seem to have lots of friends

    and i have learned that i am ok with not a single friend at all!

    it feels SO good to me to have friends

    am still building up to having more… sometimes in life i have had lots, which feels great, and more recently, i felt like i had zero

    those were times when i sometimes contacted getright for comanionship… but even stopped that sometimes

    i love me!

    Thursday, 4 August 2011 @ 12:51am

  505. 505: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    I like “i don’t want to feel like im having to reassure someone”

    that might be a babystep of mine in those situations

    i don’t think that would push a man away

    Thursday, 4 August 2011 @ 1:02am

  506. 506: Ice PrincessNo Gravatar says:

    #504,

    You know it’s funny that I got frustrated with reg-flag-guy for needing reassurance, but I give it to LP all the time. Like, for example, he calls and asks if I had fun the other night and instead of using FMs I just say “yes, of course.”. I need to work on that.

    Thursday, 4 August 2011 @ 1:25am

  507. 507: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    im feeling frustrated.

    i feel bored

    i did right now do some practice pof chatting with a man i didnt feel any attraction to, just because he contacted me

    and i practiced telling the truth which was i feel bored

    i did that twice

    and i also left and closed the window… i didnt want to wait a long time which was what it was taking

    great job me!

    ok i can practice even more honesty

    it felt scary to say i feel bored!

    Thursday, 4 August 2011 @ 1:38am

  508. 508: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i am reading what SLV wrote about NYguy being stuck in the train

    and yes i actually had that thought of him too but STILL

    he woudl not be feelig lonely!! cuz he can call his friends of lots of girls

    he can text and call

    i know Getright did feel lonely because he would do like me and call anyone he could to hang out

    i feel jealous of his life

    well actually i just feel all smily and lit up when he’s speaking to me or writing me and sometimes even whn i see a pic of hm

    so somehow i assume he must feel that way a good amount of time

    i would like that so much

    i did EFT on it but i dont feel it

    i feel so frustrated when my EFT seems like its not really working

    EEFFFF

    i feel angry!!

    Thursday, 4 August 2011 @ 1:41am

  509. 509: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Emerson,

    RE: #494 – I would NOT contact him if he has not contacted you about rescheduling. If the date comes and he calls you at the last minute, I would say, “I hadn’t heard from you, so I made other plans”….and MAKE those plans!! That ups your degree of difficulty.

    Thursday, 4 August 2011 @ 1:41am

  510. 510: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i just feel all lit up when im the center of attention

    and when i know i have so many different choices for people to connect with

    i love being paid attention to and laughing and moving around freely

    i love getting out and red carpet style being wowed at and flashy lights and stuff – even though it also feels terrifying

    i feel so jealous of my brothers cuz i know they wake up and grab their phones and call about 5 other ones of my brothers and are like heyyyy

    whatsup with you today bro

    oh shoot whatsup with THE MAN!!!

    i was just coming over! got a blunt?

    omg i feel teary just thinking of that

    that is the life i want

    i feel sobby now

    Thursday, 4 August 2011 @ 1:44am

  511. 511: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    SLV,

    RE: #431 – You said, “I have an “invisible sweetie” (don’t ask… LOL ) to remind me how it would be to have a man around, to make space for him and to anticipate what we could be doing. ”

    I have known about your Sweetie for a while, and I just want to say I think it is adorable and a terrific idea!

    Here we have it: SLV’s Sweetie Tool! :lol:

    Thursday, 4 August 2011 @ 1:48am

  512. 512: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    there are some things i want from others that i don’t have what seems to be the patience or focused energy to give myself

    that is, massages,

    and going out plans

    and money making

    and nail painting

    and hair coloring

    and right now even hair removal

    how do i get my boy to want to give those things to me?

    he just seems so into the computer

    like right now he’s gonna open facebook

    Thursday, 4 August 2011 @ 1:48am

  513. 513: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    here’s what id like my boy to do:

    stretch my body

    paint my toes

    remove my hair

    take me out walking somewhere interesting

    take me to kickbox class

    make sure im fed yummy food throughout the day

    ANGELS can you help with this ?

    thank u

    Thursday, 4 August 2011 @ 1:51am

  514. 514: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    I still haven’t heard back from York. I drove about 2 hours each way to see him for a first date. I made an exception because he invited me to swim in his inground pool. Fool I was, because we didn’t even go swimming, and he didn’t even call me for a second date. I feel really sad about that. I feel really tempted to send him an email telling him I feel sad.

    In the meantime, I have a new CD, JC. After I drove 2 hours to meet York, and after all the 22 years I’ve spent traveling typically 3 hours each way to visit men in prison, he almost didn’t write back after realizing we lived an hour from each other. He referred to “the great distance”. I told him I feel weird hearing that. I will suspend further feeling messages until he responds to that.

    It’s quite frustrating, because other than that, he sounds like a total winner….welllll, that and a bald head. That is a turn-off to me, even tho I try not to let it be a factor.

    Tonight at church I met a young woman with her hair in a buzz cut, about a 1/4 – 1/2″ long. Major turn-off. That’s supposed to be pretty??? A man with a bald head is supposed to be handsome??? Ok, Brenda, let it go.

    Humphhhh. I feel frustrated because I don’t want to go on being single, yet I feel disappointed or let down by the vast majority of men.

    So I chase food to feel good. I had pizza for dinner.

    Thursday, 4 August 2011 @ 1:56am

  515. 515: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Daria,

    RE: #511-512 – I feel the same way. I have often thot that I was intended to live a life of riches and have a personal maid to attend to my needs! :-)

    Then one day it struck me that, even tho it has been difficult living life without a lot of extra money, I like who I have become in the midst of it. I have more compassion, more inner strength, more resilience, and more determination, just to name a few.

    So from that, I springboard into imagining a wonderful man (AKA SLV’s Sweetie!) is doing these things for me. I play his role, “Honey, what color would you like your toenails tonight?” and I imagine him caressing me as he carefully paints my toenails, while all the while I am doing it.

    I imagine a whole dialogue between us as he lovingly attends to my needs. And he takes care of me. And I love myself in the process, in a healthy way.

    Thursday, 4 August 2011 @ 2:02am

  516. 516: CorinNo Gravatar says:

    Ughh, I’ve been e-mailing a guy on match (poetry guy) and have just agreed to meet up with him on Saturday. He sends me sweet e-mails which have clearly been thought out and because of that I’ve always been happy to reply. However now we’ve actually agreed to meet I’ve looked at his profile (I was trying to be open so didn’t really read it in depth before). OMG he is so someone I would not want to date! I know that we are meant to date men for therapy rather than a result but ugh. I think he is unemployed (no job mentioned), not hot in my eyes at all and he has just confessed that he hasn’t visited my adjoining city to his in years which means I imagine he’s not very adventurous at all (my city is larger and has a lot more stuff to do/see). I like my guys adventurous, outgoing, hardworking and with opinions and experiences to discuss. With him I was so focussed on leaning back and allowing him to be nice to me that I neglected to notice that he doesn’t really have any of the thing to offer that I find attractive besides this.

    What tips do people have on going on a date with somone they don’t find attractive? How do I remain open and not allow my judgements of him to close me off?

    Thursday, 4 August 2011 @ 2:22am

  517. 517: RiverGirlNo Gravatar says:

    Corin,

    Perhaps he will be perfect therapy! You have nothing invested in him and no expectations of an outcome.

    I think I have seen Rori post that a way to keep yourself engaged and not shut down is to look for anything about him that you find attractive or even interesting and focus on that.

    For instance, if he has lovely blue eyes, then focus on them, and in your mind, say things to yourself such as “wow, he has the blue-est eyes, and I can see myself reflected there…that’s amazing, and the wrinkles on the outside of his eyes deepen when he smiles…wow, that is so interesting.”
    Lean back and really listen to him talking, noticing everything about how he speaks, and being curious about it. Wonder why this man has popped up in your life. Keep your body open as you just take in who he is. There is no need to think about whether you might end up in a relationship with him. Just stay present with him and see how it unfolds.

    Thursday, 4 August 2011 @ 2:53am

  518. 518: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Brenda – it hasn’t been that long with York. I would expect to hear back from him in a month or so… if I didn’t reach out to him

    Thursday, 4 August 2011 @ 2:58am

  519. 519: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Brenda – sorry to hear you are chasing food as an addiction substitute – which doesnt seem to feel good or healthy for you in the long run

    i feel glad my coping strategy of major blog reading and just internet surfing feels pretty good

    though I want to heal even this as a distraction and keep myself aware and healing

    Thursday, 4 August 2011 @ 3:03am

  520. 520: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    494: Emerson – I’d be inclined to forget about him for now (I know, easier said than done!), CD other men (which will help you to forget about him – at least while you’re on a date!), and if he calls or contacts you, then use FMs on him. :)

    Thursday, 4 August 2011 @ 3:05am

  521. 521: CorinNo Gravatar says:

    RiverGirl,

    Thank you for your ideas. I will give them a try on Sat xx

    Thursday, 4 August 2011 @ 3:13am

  522. 522: RosaNo Gravatar says:

    Hoot Hoot Brenda! 316

    Love that you attacked and loved that you judged , loved it loved it !

    Feeling messages to get what you want when you want it, and closing messages when you want to shut it down, thats fine by me. You had already decided you had nothing to lose as you didnt want her as a land lady, so fire away !!

    Ok maybe it wasnt wishy washy or “nicey nice” , but hell thats sickening and you came across to me as funny , independent and selective ..

    Maybe you jumped a bit quick to asume she wasnt negotiating because you arent a tradesperson with a husband?? Just wondering.

    I love feeling messages with MEN in your home and social sphere when you need to appeal to their thinkiness , and I love “polite” communication when you want to be heard by authority or strangers, and I love gutsy thoughtful expression (read masculine energy ) when you are in the world of business.

    Dont stop being you :)

    Thursday, 4 August 2011 @ 3:51am

  523. 523: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Sirens! I’m home alone after having TH here every night since last Friday (it’s Thursday now) and I’m actually loving that I have my bed to myself tonight!

    He’s been so good. And I’m still not overly invested anymore. I know I can quite easily go find someone else if I wish, so there’s no pressure or urgency to get him to “commit” or do anything really. I’m just going with the flow, and quite liking it.

    In the meantime, things are very calm and I feel content. Life is keeping me busy enough that I don’t think about him nearly as much as I used to and I’m looking forward to our date on Saturday night too. :)

    Yup, as soon as I took the focus right off him and onto me, things changed in such an unbelievable way that I am still in shock! It’s funny cos I read some of Rori’s material, I try it on him, and he reacts EXACTLY like she says he will! I actually find it quite amusing how accurate she is!

    So it’s all about me and what makes me happy. If he doesn’t want to be here with me, then that’s perfectly fine because I have plenty of things to keep me busy. And if he doesn’t make plans with me, I will make my own plans with other people.

    So tomorrow I’m going to the pub for a couple of drinks with some friends and I’m ok that he didn’t ask me out because to be honest, I really didn’t have any expectations either way.

    Yay me! And yay for not being obsessed over a man!!! :D

    Thursday, 4 August 2011 @ 4:12am

  524. 524: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @514: Brenda says:
    “Honey, what color would you like your toenails tonight?” …”

    Brenda, you have a “Honey!” Maybe he and Sweetie can hang out sometimes… :D

    I think I’ll ask “Sweetie, what color would you like my toenails?” I usually ask “Are you sleeping with me tonight?” and “What are we doing today?”

    xoxo

    Thursday, 4 August 2011 @ 4:15am

  525. 525: PatriciaNo Gravatar says:

    @515, 516 Rivergirl, Corin and Sirens…

    This was timely postings for me….about what to do when a man who is pursuing you has qualities you’re not attracted too…..of course no one is perfect and there will be some things that are very attractive and some not….but what about “deal breakers”….so a guy has great blue eyes…and is very attentive…..and has other qualities that you like…but then shares something that puts you off or is a red flag…like he had a criminal history years ago or use to do cocaine or other drugs recreationally years ago……then what? especially if they are part of his past…….who says they couldn’t resurface? are these things that are fair to inquire about? should we focus on the positive and stay in the now? or high tail it out of there? I am wondering what you all think?

    this is happening for me right now…….and I’m on the fence as to what to do…..he is middle age….I am middle age…..lots of life experience behind us …….what to do…….

    Thursday, 4 August 2011 @ 4:29am

  526. 526: JadeNo Gravatar says:

    I am feeling heartbroken this morning, a whole week after having been dumped. It hurts. I have no appetite, I feel like crawling into a hole somewhere and never come out. I want to disappear, get a whole makeover and come back as a new person so that I can learn to deal with this pain.

    Deal with life.

    I want to call him and ask him for another chance but I know it’ll be useless.

    Thursday, 4 August 2011 @ 4:45am

  527. 527: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @524: Patricia says:
    “…like he had a criminal history years ago… I am wondering what you all think?
    …this is happening for me right now…….and I’m on the fence as to what to do…..he is middle age….I am middle age…..lots of life experience behind us …….what to do…….”

    For me, it depends… Interesting you mention he “had a criminal history…” He still has it! How important that was to me would depend upon the “crime” — a 420 party in a public park with a bunch of 20-something friends? (I could deal with it)or sex with a four-year old? (I’d pass) Selling illegal July 4th firecrackers? (I could deal with it) or animal cruelty? (I’d pass)

    It all depends… I don’t own or control someone’s past history but I am concerned about a man’s character in the present and future. Sometimes people make mistakes because of poor judgment but times they do bad things because something is awry in their physical makeup.

    xoxo

    Thursday, 4 August 2011 @ 4:50am

  528. 528: PatriciaNo Gravatar says:

    Jade!

    Wow I like how your vibe shifted as soon as you said…….and get a makeover and come back as a new person……………but who says it has to be all new……I bet you have many qualities that are amazing and that this is a chance to add whatever lesson this experience gave you and continue to shape and re-invent yourself……….this is a funny thought….but remember Finding Nemo when Dori says “just keep swimming just keep swimming….just keep swimming swimming swimming”……I love ellen degeneres!

    c’mon girl…….

    Thursday, 4 August 2011 @ 4:53am

  529. 529: PatriciaNo Gravatar says:

    526 SLV
    I am so glad to hear from you!!

    actually in this case it’s the recreational drug use…..cocaine…..this guy is 54, and he started opening up about his history……the “not so great” :didn’t finish high school, father alcoholic got kicked out by mom when he was 4, left home at 18, the drug use….got involved with a woman in his 30s also using…had a son, didn’t marry the woman….got custody of the son and raised him on his own and cleaned up his act……..

    the “positive”……when he left home he got a trade and began his working life, stopped using when he became a dad…..is very attentive…..reconciled with his father…..visits his elderly mother daily who lives with his sister and her family near by, has a home, many trade skills, runs a business for his father along with his own job……into yoga now, the outdoors…….

    I use to work with substance abusers and offenders…..this “history” is very familiar and common……is this guy a diamond in the rough? is he looking to continue to build his new life? This is a LD connection for me which I didn’t really want (7hours away) but he is very attentive, respectful and we’ve only been interacting (text, email, phone) for the past 6 weeks….he comes to visit my home town in less than two weeks…….to meet…..he’d at least like us to spend some time together to see……..the drug disclosure thing made me uncomfortable and creeped out…almost made me want to say “no thanks dont’ come”………but trying to keep my heart open but not care take….

    thoughts?

    Thursday, 4 August 2011 @ 5:01am

  530. 530: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Daria,

    RE: #517-518 – Thank you so much for your encouragement about York. I hope so! So far, I have resisted contacting him. He struck me as judgmental, which I know is a judgment in itself. Or maybe I have a limiting belief about men who are rich, that they would never be attracted to me.

    I am really struggling with eating. It seems everytime I am on an even keel emotionally, somethign happens. Then I feel like a piece of shit and just go back to eating. Please heal this, God.

    Thursday, 4 August 2011 @ 5:07am

  531. 531: CorinNo Gravatar says:

    Jade,

    I’m so with you! It’s been just over a week with my break up too and although I initiated it I still want him back if things could be different and it is painful. Are you chatting to other men? I got straight back on match and that has really helped. Recieving attention from other men really helps to remind me of the ways in which my ex was not stepping up and as an overall distraction from wallowing.

    What lessons have you learned from that relationship that you can focus on? For me it’s about believing that I can be cherished everyday as I didn’t feel that with him.

    xxxxx

    Thursday, 4 August 2011 @ 5:07am

  532. 532: JadeNo Gravatar says:

    @ Patricia,

    Thank you. Yes, I do have some wonderful qualities (I think): I am strong, independent, funny, nice, polite, honest, open-minded and smart (YES!) but I also have this nasty habit of turning into a very stupid person and I keep acting in a childish way when it comes to relationship. That’s what I need to change.

    Why weren’t there ever courses on love at school? I sure would go for Love 101.

    I feel like I’ve wasted most of my 46 years of life because no one ever told me before this week that I have to give a chance to this child that’s trapped inside of me to finally evolve and grow.

    Gosh, I really have a whole lot of work to do…

    Thursday, 4 August 2011 @ 5:12am

  533. 533: PatriciaNo Gravatar says:

    Brenda 529

    Hi Brenda
    I know this thread is kinda between you and Daria….but I just wanted to comment on your feeling like crap when things go awry emotionally and then eating……..I can totally understand that….I think many of us do that………it helps us feel better at first ….comfort food……it does take time to heal that and have compassion for ourselves and not judge ourselves…….just extending compassion to you …….

    hugs

    Thursday, 4 August 2011 @ 5:12am

  534. 534: PatriciaNo Gravatar says:

    Jade 531

    yeh “Love 101″ would have been great…but I think they called it “L.I.F.E.”……lol…..

    I can relate to being middle age and wishing people told me things before now……I am 49…..and you know…..what I do for living and my own experience tells me that…..middle age is when we do wake up and often finally “get it!!!!!!”

    :)

    Thursday, 4 August 2011 @ 5:15am

  535. 535: JadeNo Gravatar says:

    Funny, I just got that in my inbox minutes ago…is it a sign?

    I am mad at myself. I need to forgive myself. At last.

    ________________________________

    Dear F.,

    So today I wanted to share with you the 7 steps to forgiveness. Maybe you are dealing with something in your life right now that’s bothering you a little bit – or maybe it’s driving you nuts.

    This will really help you!

    Thing is, these people who drive us crazy are always bringing an opportunity for growth. And that means you get the GIFT! So here it is, ready?

    The 7 steps to peace of mind, happiness, freedom and Forgiveness:

    1. Find Your Clarity

    Before you can forgive somebody, it’s essential that you clearly identify the offense against you. Exactly what was it that hurt you? Andwhy, until now, have you been unable, or unwilling, to forgive them?

    There’s times in all our lives when we may feel tremendous anger and loathing towards someone (usually someone we are related to, married to, or work with) but cannot articulate exactly why we feel the way we do.

    Emotions can be blinding.

 So the trick is to start by thinking about these three questions:

    Who hurt you?
    What hurt you?
    And why did this action offend you as it did?

    This kind of self-reflection is the all-important first step in the act of forgiveness.

    2. Find A Friend Who Listens Well

    Once you have some clarity, it’s time to talk it over with someone you trust. An empathetic and non-judgmental pair of ears is what you need here. (Go to a supportive friend, NOT one that disagrees with you on everything, ok?)

    This might be a friend, family member, spiritual leader, or a trained therapist. Unburdening yourself is going to feel really good, and help you find some answers.

    3. Don’t Supress The Pain

    Pain – physical and emotional – shows up for the best of us. You may be in the habit of suppressing your emotional pain – your deepest hurts- because, frankly, it HURTS. Who wants to feel THAT?

    But while you might feel better in the short-term, it’s very detrimental in the long-term. Being numb doesn’t mean you got better, it just means you stopped feeling. 

On the other hand, if you opt to merely wallow in anger – in lieu of serious reflection – you’ll get stuck there like a dinosaur in a tar pit.

    And, on top of everything else, this anger will entrench itself deeper and deeper in your psyche, and you’ll NEVER feel free. Yikes.

    Feel the pain to heal the pain is the key.

    4. The Truth Will Set You Free

    By accepting the depths of your genuine feelings, you can start to forgive yourself. If you deny your bona fide feelings, forgiveness will never be possible. It’s important to start with yourself, because sometimes we are harder on ourselves than anyone else!

    So you get clear, and you talk it out, and you feel it all, and something cool happens. A doorway starts to open to INSIGHT. You will begin to see things differently.

    Why?

    Because emotion is really slanted. It always distorts the truth. Only when you calm down and feel your feelings and begin to get still can the truth arise.

    5. Honestly Assess Your Role in the Transgression

    Life is a far cry from a seamless odyssey. Often it’s a mess. So it’s important to own up to your role in the mess. 

You might uncover that you were anything but an innocent bystander.

    By allowing yourself to see the big picture, you can discover how you can do it better next time. 

In being totally honest with yourself about what happened and WHY it happened, the act of forgiveness automatically becomes more sincere and heartfelt.

    6. The Decision

    There will ultimately come a moment when you must decide whether or not to face the person who wronged you. Very often, this decision is clear-cut.

That is, if it’s a relationship of legitimate value to you -one that you want to save or make better – meeting and forgiving the person in question is the obvious road to travel down.

    If, however, the individual does not fit into this category, there is nothing wrong with forgiving him or her in your heart of hearts, and getting on with your life. Forgiveness is in essence a release – a letting go.

    The fact that you’ve found it in yourself to unconditionally forgive a person is an uplifting experience in and of itself!

    7. Forgiveness is a Process

    We live in an age of instant gratification. We’re used to FAST fulfillment. But there’s no such thing as high-speed forgiveness. Genuine forgiveness takes time. 

It’s a healing process. And depending on the gravity of the transgression against you, it could take awhile. Allow the seven steps to forgiveness to unfold at a pace that’s right for you and what you want to accomplish.

    Peace is possible, and you are on the road to it!

    Wishing you the power to forgive and let go…

    Thursday, 4 August 2011 @ 5:20am

  536. 536: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Don’t worry Jade things can change in an instant. The Universe has a way of sending us what we need at the right time when we truly decide that that is what we want.

    Thursday, 4 August 2011 @ 5:21am

  537. 537: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i just read some stuff about moving to Brazil online and now i feel icky and discouraged!

    ack!!

    i read that people are cold and closed and indifferent to making new friensts…

    what?

    i thought people ther were friendly and fun and well really open

    that was my impression form the ones i met and waht ive seen online

    and now i feel terrified like what if i feel alone and lonely there too

    what if people dont dance and love and celebrate life?

    no non on

    oh that feels bad

    i feel bad

    i dont want to feel this way

    i feel glad fo rthe opportunity to feel scared and doubtful

    tahnk uou scaryness and doubts

    i am HEALING

    i feel angry and judgemental!

    i love my anger and judgement

    mmmf

    Thursday, 4 August 2011 @ 5:28am

  538. 538: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i am a total judgement machine!!

    Thursday, 4 August 2011 @ 5:30am

  539. 539: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    ok ok – i can remember who i am – i can remember what i love and like – i can trust myself

    TRUST M?YSELF

    not what “they” say… and I FIND M?YSELF JU?DGING “THEM” so harshly

    ‘and i love my judgements

    and i dont want to judge them

    im sure it must be hurting me

    and i feel so angry at “them”

    Thursday, 4 August 2011 @ 5:31am

  540. 540: PatriciaNo Gravatar says:

    Daria

    I try to consider the source of I read……wonder what kind of vibe the writer of that opinion had when they went to Brazil that brought that on for them?

    I bet a million bucks you would have a totally different experience!

    Thursday, 4 August 2011 @ 5:32am

  541. 541: RiverGirlNo Gravatar says:

    @528
    Patricia, gosh, I think you will probably have a better understanding of reformed drug users than I do, but it seems good that he is being so upfront about it. If he has the same honest approach as you get to know him better that would seem a good thing. Maybe if things progress, you could pay attention to how safe and trusting you feel in his company.

    Perhaps something to pay attention to would be to not fall into being his counsellor, given your background that might happen easily. Nothing wrong with being supportive, but may not be easy to stay in the feminine role if that is what you are wanting. Just a thought.

    Thursday, 4 August 2011 @ 5:35am

  542. 542: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    oh no it must be an energy thing because right now i clicked on a youtube video about racism in america and the comments under it are triggering me ! wow

    hmm thank u for coming up for healing!

    Thursday, 4 August 2011 @ 5:40am

  543. 543: PatriciaNo Gravatar says:

    540 Rivergirl
    Thank you ……..I appreciate your view…….the risks are lower for relapse when someone is older and has been sober/straight for a while…ha but it’s so much easier sitting with a person in front of you like this when they’re your patient and the heart isn’t involved…….my worst fear would be that I got involved with him and this came back to haunt me……either by him relapsing or if it became a public issue…….ie if someone learned that I was dating a man who was a cocaine user in the past…….that could cause me some problems by association….real problems that could compromise my job………..oh yuck that wouldn’t feel good….

    so my boy energy is alive and well on this one….wants to protect my feminine side……..

    Thursday, 4 August 2011 @ 5:40am

  544. 544: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    RE 494 Emerson I sense that your energy is leaning forward. I wouldn’t write him off though I would just go back to being open. I read something last night that suggested that guys treat us the way they treat each other. They act cool so as not to come across as weak or needy with each other. I don’t know if that is true but it struck me. In any event if you are happy in your life with no energy push towards him he might just sit up and wonder where you are. Allow him to be himself, that will help you decide if you really want to be with him.

    Thursday, 4 August 2011 @ 5:41am

  545. 545: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Patricia,

    RE: #532 – Thank you! No, if it’s on the blog, it’s open season for anyone, LOL! It wasn’t just between Daria and me.

    Thursday, 4 August 2011 @ 5:51am

  546. 546: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Patricia – thanks…

    yeah its the source that i feel judgemental of… i don’t want to feel that way and i feel so invested in judging them

    lest i might be like them or be thought of like them

    i love me and my fears!

    Thursday, 4 August 2011 @ 5:54am

  547. 547: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Daria,

    You seem omni-present! LOL! Do you ever sleep? I feel interested in what you write on the blog. I want to hug you and say thank you for all the many ways you have helped me! I ordered that stuff, too!

    Thursday, 4 August 2011 @ 5:54am

  548. 548: PatriciaNo Gravatar says:

    Daria
    is it possible to look at the writer’s comments not so much from the point of view (judgmental) that they’re wrong or racist……but more from the point of view of “that was their experience and doesn’t have to be mine? ” I wonder if that is a form of being judgmental or more neutral?

    Thursday, 4 August 2011 @ 5:58am

  549. 549: aspiringsirenNo Gravatar says:

    re 410 Fw

    thank you for the clarification. i think i have asked myself that question and don’t know if i’ve ever come up with a clear answer.. other than i want a real committed relationship and i’m willing to give it every chance possible.

    i try to enjoy every moment with him and be in the moment without looking to the future even though i know that a future with him is what i want. that sometimes feels so confusing because i feel like maybe i should be asking about his intentions and his expectations when he contacts me after a period of no communication and i don’t because i’m so happy to hear from him and want to enjoy our time together without talking about the relationship

    then when something happens and we don’t talk i feel let down and confused like why did he even contact me again if he didn’t want to work things out

    anyone else feel like this?

    Thursday, 4 August 2011 @ 6:03am

  550. 550: PatriciaNo Gravatar says:

    540 Rivergirl

    After some more thought about your post….maybe I don’t give enough credit to the fact that he was honest about his history…….the honesty is what’s happening now……you point that out beautifully thank you……….can I trust that honesty? can I trust myself? Am I being honest………….lol maybe that’s what this is triggering…….

    Thursday, 4 August 2011 @ 6:07am

  551. 551: LilybelleNo Gravatar says:

    502:

    Thanks, Daria.

    xoxo

    Thursday, 4 August 2011 @ 6:16am

  552. 552: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks for the hugs Brenda :)
    feels good to read that you feel interested in what i write

    i feel kinda scared defensive reading “do you ever sleep?”

    Thursday, 4 August 2011 @ 6:19am

  553. 553: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i am feeling grumpy!

    whats up?

    i know its because i have not been walking and have been in the house for days in a row

    i love me

    i love my non walkingness

    Thursday, 4 August 2011 @ 6:32am

  554. 554: LobbyStarNo Gravatar says:

    529: Brenda

    I have felt the same way about rich men. I work in a grocery store, and my NVs kept telling me that someone who works a high paying job could never be interested in me.

    A new CD came into my life a week or so ago through the dating site. He has two college degrees and he listed his job as “Executive/Management.” My NVs spoke up, and I felt really nervous about continuing to converse with him; I was almost convinced that he was not interested in me. But he has not gone poof so far.

    In the past few months, I have dated a lawyer and two doctors. Proof positive that NVs are LIARS!

    Thursday, 4 August 2011 @ 6:50am

  555. 555: aspiringsirenNo Gravatar says:

    re 432- Ella

    have you read anything by esther and jerry hicks? I also was very interested in the loa (and deliberate creation) and really couldn’t grasp the true essence of the loa – i still have many questions and thoughts regarding it but many of their books have cleared up my misconceptions and have given me great insight.

    in the simplest of terms, the one thing i learned more than anything is – it’s not about turning one bad feeling into a great feeling its about turning a bad feeling into a better feeling. for example -it’s very difficult to go from a feeling of fear to a feeling of being empowered but you can go from fear to the next best feeling which may be anger or disappointment and then when you feel that you reach for the next best feeling. baby steps

    Thursday, 4 August 2011 @ 6:52am

  556. 556: DENo Gravatar says:

    Alias Girl #485:

    U said :i feel a little like the unavailable men i used to date. i feel they are honing in on me. wanting more than i am ready for. i feel pressure. i feel turned off by neediness or clinginess. i feel turned off by behavior with intent “to get” from me.”

    OMG…I feel the same way…It’s like playing a video in front of my eyes finally understanding and seeing what it is to be A man with choices (okay, a little NV is also using the word “player”…)…

    Now, I understand my ex J actions or lack of it…sometimes I stop and say to myself…OMG…I am him…

    and over 90% of my dates want serious relationship…and they would tell me upfront and ask me where i am looking for…well, not sure where i am either…still exploring, learning and having a good time i guess…

    and of course, i’ve been stating the no gf speech many times already…i feel surprised to see that one of them is sticking even with the no gf speech…where i feel i am his only one…i feel special…hmm…some fears there and nvs…:(

    thank you for sharing AG very revealing :)

    warm hugs,

    Thursday, 4 August 2011 @ 7:00am

  557. 557: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @529: Brenda says:
    “…. just go back to eating. Please heal this, God…”

    Brenda, I think it’s easier not to give up eating and just eat as much as I want. Then the requirement is change what I eat. The difficulty is planning ahead and making up my own meals for the day. So I’ve been putting off doing it this spring,,, this summer… and now it’s August!!!

    Thanks for the inspiration!!! I’ll see what I can do today to get started… after the coffee and pastry… oh, that is so bad for me….

    xoxo

    Thursday, 4 August 2011 @ 7:39am

  558. 558: CorinNo Gravatar says:

    Coffee and pastry are good for the soul…we just have to make sure we load up with veggies too! I’m a believer of not trying to eat less but instead eat more healthy stuff on top. Eventually I’m so full of veggies, porridge, fruit, nuts, green tea etc that I’m too full to even consider that next cake. I’m also by then glowing and full of energy to boot. I think it’s called ‘crowding out’.

    I think as soon as I try to restrict then my mind goes into desperate deprivation mode and it’s really counter productive.

    Flipping my attitude towards food as a way of treating and nourishing myself rather than a sin really helps too.

    Thursday, 4 August 2011 @ 8:04am

  559. 559: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @536: Daria says:
    “…what if people dont dance and love and celebrate life?…”

    Some will, some won’t. Just like the people who live near you now. And some of the people who will… well, sometimes they “won’t” also. People! Everyday life will not be “Carnival in Rio” but with a little group of friends you could be very happy. You could also be happy by yourself finding a little group of friends also. :D

    How about if you visit Brazil and spend some time there before relocating? That might make it more fun and realistic when you are making your plans to move there. It sounds like fun to me!

    Even if you move to Brazil and later change your mind, you can always return to the U.S. or go somewhere else. The planet is pretty big with lots of places to be happy… Have fun.
    :D

    xoxo

    Thursday, 4 August 2011 @ 8:07am

  560. 560: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @551: Daria says:
    “…i feel kinda scared defensive reading “do you ever sleep?”…”

    Just being playful I’m sure and using that old American catch phrase. I had thought about writing the same thing to you! hahaha. Sometimes I think that way about myself when I wake up and read the blog in the wee hours.

    Are we addicted? I won’t answer for you… I probably.. am addicted… yes. :shock:

    xoxo

    Thursday, 4 August 2011 @ 8:14am

  561. 561: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    RE 557 Corin I read you but for me i have realized that I use pastries and sweet things to stuff down my feelings. As I became aware of my triggers I also realized that I was reaching or craving for something at the same time. I now try to practice sinking into my feelings whenever I get the urge.

    Thursday, 4 August 2011 @ 8:17am

  562. 562: LetitshineNo Gravatar says:

    @502 Rivergirl..I love your profile..maybe you can help with mine!!

    ALL EXPERIENCED MATCH/ONLINE SIRENS: advice needed.

    I’m feeling mixed feelings about match and need some honest advice:

    –it seems to be as bad as I expected..or is it because I expected it to be bad?

    –am I on it for the right reasons?

    –is it okay to go on a date with someone you know really is only gonna be friends? and I’ve told him this already

    –what am I communicating that might be turning them off? I think my profile is okay actually and I keep telling myself it’s not me… but the number of men that initially email (some expressing doubts about the site themselves) and say they will email/or even ask for coffee and then poof??? maybe I need to be honest and see if there is something I am communicating that is not right?

    I so want to email this one guy back especially…not sure why.. his initial email stated that he was almost done with match and doesnt know why men bother to email..it was a lengthy email..the guy was okay looking and maybe not totally my type but I enjoyed reading his lengthy email and anyone who takes that time, I felt I should respond. We do have a couple things in common.. so we got to exchanging personal emails and he sent message Sunday night saying “I got your personal email and I will definitely be in touch in a day or so for sure..” well nothing since.. I didn’t respond to this email..was that wrong?…I feel a bit out of place on this site..normally I probably would have responded saying ..it was nice of you to let me know..look forward to hearing from you..but I felt questioning..is that too much..too leaning forward?? Sirens …what are your thoughts?
    Oh ..initially he also stated girls are on for about 2 weeks and then disappear…he says he thinks they just like being chased.. Well..is that so bad?? I didn’t join just to see how many emails/profile looks I got…who cares..I just wanted to try to force myself to get out there and date after 1 month ago break up with someone I was truly enlove with… isn’t that what we are supposed to do??? maybe they sense that? and yes, I felt like saying, I am traditional and do like the guy initiating things..what’s so wrong with that..maybe the guys just join to see how many women text them initially?? ooooh..see that was a negative vengeful comment?? I feel that way..

    FRIENDs GUY: I told him I thought I wasn’t ready and I only felt friendship for him..he is okay with that and still wants to go out..is it fair to still go out with him??? He is the only one out of all the ones I responded to that has followed through but that doesn’t mean I should go out with him just to sooth my ego…right? Or am I looking at this wrong???

    AND BTW..I was not overly picky I dont feel..I didn’t respond to people long distance (I only have 2 to 3 free days a week and two young kids so this option is out), or if they were more than 10 yrs older than me.. that is my boundary.. or if they were just rude or asking for you know what… anyway..I’m feeling disappointed with this and would welcome any advice..either on how to approach it or how to change my attitude.. Much appreciated!!

    Thursday, 4 August 2011 @ 8:22am

  563. 563: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    What I CAN tell is that your focusing on him is showing your lack of self-confidence and self-esteem, and that vibe is enough to lower a man’s attraction. There are women who you might call a “mess” who attract men like crazy. It’s because no matter how messy their life, this kind of women (I lost two men to one (in particular) like this…) seems to be actually very “picky” about a man – and no matter how fragile she seems – she never really gives herself over to a man. This kind of woman is a messy “diva” – and it works, up to a point. The woman I refer to dumped both the men I lost to her, and later lost her new and fabulous husband to a well-known, strong, capable woman who was totally NOT messy – AND I know a woman who’s financial and general life was a mess who attracted an incredible man FOREVER…so…long-term and short-term attraction are things to consider here, too…No matter what – you must focus on YOU…Love, Rori

    when you allow yourself to be vulnerable – undefended – you ARE confident. You can’t share your vulnerability without being confident. It’s your opinion about that vulnerability that’s getting in your way – and what we think “looks like” confidence. Love, Rori

    Thursday, 4 August 2011 @ 8:24am

  564. 564: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    We are all easily swayed by power and our own estimation of “greatness” and the “dream man” qualities we hold dear. The best thing we can do for ourselves is to switch our sense of judgment around a man. Forget about who he is, what he does, how much power, looks, money or status he has.

    Instead – look at how he treats you. Look at how he makes you feel. A great man is one who can love. Who knows how to love like a MAN. When you can look for that in a man, and SEE that when it shows up…then power will flow to you, through you, through both of you…everything expands, everything gets better…

    Love, Rori

    Thursday, 4 August 2011 @ 8:29am

  565. 565: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @542: Patricia says:
    “…ie if someone learned that I was dating a man who was a cocaine user in the past…….that could cause me some problems by association….real problems that could compromise my job………..oh yuck that wouldn’t feel good…….”

    OMG, are you “in a job” that “treats” people and considers them to be “forever scorned?”

    This seems so hypocritical to my way of thinking… “we’ll treat them and get some money for it… even pronounce them “cured” but we’d never associate with them if they’d used anytime in their life, ever… and if you do we’ll scorn you too…” Yowsah!

    Eek! :shock:

    So much for the Mental Health community. Run away as fast as you can!

    Thursday, 4 August 2011 @ 8:36am

  566. 566: CorinNo Gravatar says:

    Letitshine,

    I have done pretty much all my dating via match for the last 5 or so years. There is always going to be a mixed bag and that’s so not personal at all. That’s just guys out there.

    I wouldn’t e-mail or lean forward for that guy at all who has gone off match. Do you want someone who you have to consistently work hard to get attention from or someone who lavishes you in attention?

    I date guys who I think might not be the one but would definitely not tell them before we meet. What if I change my mind? How is it possible to be really sure before meeting anyway? If you like him enough to consider friendship then that’s great! Go out and meet him and let him treat you well! Were you deep down believing that you’re not worth being taken out and treated well if you’re not planning on giving something back such as sex, kisses, girlfriend status etc? He’s lucky to just get some of your time girl. Very lucky.

    xxx

    Thursday, 4 August 2011 @ 8:39am

  567. 567: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @557: Corin says:
    “…Coffee and pastry are good for the soul…”

    Yes they are! I always have them when I am happy. I have to watch my blood sugar though especially in the summer when I can also become dehydrated, so can be “bad” otherwise they are “great.”

    I eat in a joyful way except sometimes I become busy and forget to eat… :oops: But I enjoy good food and I want a man who does too. A zestful full of life man… like me… :D

    xoxo

    Thursday, 4 August 2011 @ 8:44am

  568. 568: LetitshineNo Gravatar says:

    FeminineWoman: love these posts..directed to anyone ? Yes, I feel I am proverbally in that “looks like confidence” … I have been my whole life..I’m mutch mutch better now than I used to be… I don’t know where it comes from… a lot from my upbringing for which I even feel bad for that..I wouldn’t be here without my parents..but my mom has a way of somehow always making me “wrong” –well… or I let her allow myself to feel wrong..and when I speak up…”your so defensive… you try to hard..yada yada yada.” well that really helped…

    Corin..thanks for the advice… I don’t think it’s that I’m not worthy to be taken out..I just feel bad because I have been on both sides of the “friends but want more” and I know how awful that feels and I don’t want to mislead anyone… you could be right .maybe I am making a judgement too soon.. I guess, I am relying on my instinct, woman intuition that tells me after a couple phone calls.. he is okay but not that spark.. (ummm…like the last guy)..that where in probably lies the problem..well and that I started out as friends with my ex husband and married him for that… and in the end ..left because no spark …well and he didn’t trust me and was a bit toxic after all (didn’t know that initially)…so maybe I am weeding guys out too soon..I’m more worried about his feelings than mine…there also lies the problem.. why do I feel I owe them anything? I told him I may only want friends..its his own fault if I later decide yep..no friends right????

    Thursday, 4 August 2011 @ 8:56am

  569. 569: LetitshineNo Gravatar says:

    Well I actually think some is from what others tell me..letting them tell me how to feel and what to do… they say..why are you trying to date anyway.. why do you have to focus on a man soo much…??? Really..what the f is wrong with wanting to go out everyonce in a while..

    and again I’m sick of “when your least looking it will find you” well I’m not looking for mr right right now… I just want to go out with a couple to see what’s out there and work on my tools..Dag gone.. I feel I want to scream that back to these people.. why can’t I say “screw what you think I should do”..????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????/

    Thursday, 4 August 2011 @ 8:59am

  570. 570: LetitshineNo Gravatar says:

    I am now feeling a bit sad… I guess I have more work to do than I thought on this confidence thing… I so want to be there so bad… I feel like crying.. struggling..

    Thursday, 4 August 2011 @ 9:01am

  571. 571: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    Sirens thanks for your replies to me about father of 3 CD. I agree it would be leaning forward if I “followed up” or commented on his non responsiveness.

    I’ve been feeling like I need a change of scenery. I get in a rut and feel blah if I don’t change it up by traveling or at this point in my life….it may be a move I need.

    I visited a nearby city yesterday for a work related project that was very intriguing to me, I want to live there now! It was soo nice, and I never took the time to stop there before. Now I have two cities that I’m interested in moving to….maybe 3…and they are all in my state and within about 300 miles of me.
    We shall see!!

    I keep remembering what one of the sirens told me a couple articles back that we should not ask for what we DON’T want but rather what we DO want.

    I’ve been practicing that too.

    I have other CDs besides father of 3 that I’ve been corresponding with and met for coffee…etc., but they seem to be wanting me to initiate. LawCD sent a text saying he would be in my area, etc, and I wrote back with a smiley face because I didn’t know what to say but it seemed like he was hinting/ wanted me to suggest we get together. But…I didn’t want to lean forward.

    Haven’t heard from him since. He has initiated all contact and I’m leaning back and outgirling!

    Thursday, 4 August 2011 @ 9:05am

  572. 572: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Letitshine nobody in particular. Every day I practice reviewing some of the material here. If something resonates with me, I might post it. These spoke to me today.

    Thursday, 4 August 2011 @ 9:08am

  573. 573: CorinNo Gravatar says:

    Letitshine,

    My impression is that you take this whole dating/ match thing really seriously even though you say you’re not looking for mr right. I’ve totally been there (still am) in terms of wanting to be honest and not lead people on. However I know that I can tell myself that as a defence from being open sometimes too. How could you make this process more fun for you?
    xxx

    Thursday, 4 August 2011 @ 9:10am

  574. 574: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @561: Letitshine says:
    “…… but the number of men that initially email … and then poof?..”

    What are the actual numbers? Maybe some of the others can compare; would that help?

    “‘ I got your personal email and I will definitely be in touch in a day or so for sure..’ well nothing since.. I didn’t respond to this email..was that wrong?…”

    You did nothing wrong. No response required; he hasn’t offered anything, only a hint that he will. I might have sent just a smiley.

    “…I told him I thought I wasn’t ready and I only felt friendship for him..he is okay with that and still wants to go out..is it fair to still go out with him?…”

    Yes. He wants to go out, you want to go out. OK to date him if you want to. You will have fun and get dating experience. Stay open. Date others too.

    “..I’m feeling disappointed with this and would welcome any advice..either on how to approach it or how to change my attitude.. Much appreciated!!…

    I say keep going. Could you describe more what you were expecting, how that is different from what is happening and what is the “disappointment?”

    :D

    Thursday, 4 August 2011 @ 9:11am

  575. 575: SusanNo Gravatar says:

    RE: 494: Emerson ~

    There is no reason to ‘write him off.” If you are CDing, then his response doesn’t matter much. He either steps up or another man does. I would neither write him off nor contact him. The ball is in his court and other men are considering courting you. Maybe he will pop back into your life in time to become important to you or maybe another man will beat him to it. Either way, you win!

    Thursday, 4 August 2011 @ 9:17am

  576. 576: SusanNo Gravatar says:

    RE: 483: Brenda ~

    I like penises too!

    Thursday, 4 August 2011 @ 9:18am

  577. 577: PatriciaNo Gravatar says:

    @564 SLV

    lol well that is one way to look at it……!

    I hear what you ‘re saying….the words feel like they’re coming from the devil’s advocate perspective….there’s so many ways to look at this scenario…that we are all human……I know that…..and on this blog I can speak and at least start from my vulnerable place………..that this scenario of me getting involved with someone who is part of a high risk group that I use to treat, within the correctional system and law enforcement system to boot…well there’s a hot potato.

    I think my best option is to listen to the feelings and thoughts that are coming up with me and honour them, as hypocritical as they might seem and see where I can soften………and find out more about him…….see how I feel with him……I think I mentioned to Rivergirl that I need to give more weight to his honesty….after all I need to look at my own honesty with him…..I did share with him that my own family has a history of alcohol abuse…….that my father was brave enough to break that cycle so that my mom and us kids did not have to live that…..but am I prepared to share with him at some point that I experienced abuse from my ex husband and may have some scars from that? ………..I am as much a part of the mental health community on both sides of the chair as anyone……. :)

    Thursday, 4 August 2011 @ 9:23am

  578. 578: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @576: Patricia says:
    “…@564 SLV
    lol well that is one way to look at it……!
    ………..I am as much a part of the mental health community on both sides of the chair as anyone…….”

    Yes, Patricia. I would not worry about losing a job because of dating someone who could be in the defined groups of clients. This man is not your patient nor client nor has he been (has he?) so you do not have that conflict. If anything, he could be a success story. “History of using cocaine” doesn’t tell a lot. Was there also incarceration? The word crime? or criminal? was used I think.

    There’s a lot of leeway on what this entails, maybe none of it matters; it’s in the past. I don’t know the specifics. I might have a different opinion on a guy who sold his friend something as opposed to a man heading up an international drug trafficking scheme in which woman and children were used as mules and some of them died.

    To my way of thinking, it’s about who the man is now. And, as you might have gathered, I don’t place a lot of weight on “jobs” and would not plan my life around employer threats regarding my personal life. Oh, no… :D

    xoxo

    Thursday, 4 August 2011 @ 9:48am

  579. 579: PatriciaNo Gravatar says:

    SLV

    lol I”m my own boss! I have to answer to me…the toughest critic of all……:)

    Thursday, 4 August 2011 @ 9:50am

  580. 580: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    :oops:
    should be… “women and children.”

    Thursday, 4 August 2011 @ 9:51am

  581. 581: PatriciaNo Gravatar says:

    SLV
    what I really appreciated about your words were that they challenge that “holier than thou” vein that can run through me, through all of us….but I still feel it has to be balanced with good boundaries……….going to feel my way through this one and not let my head run all over the map……thank you…….xo

    Thursday, 4 August 2011 @ 9:55am

  582. 582: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    New Jersey finally got around to inviting me to his house, 2 hours away, after 3 months of talking on the phone and only one meeting. He had mentioned it a couple days before, saying, “I might invite you out on Thursday.”

    I said, “I feel hesitant to get excited. You’ve invited me before and never followed through.” He didn’t say anything at the time, just waited until the last minute to tell him his schedule was clear for today.

    I didn’t even listen to his voicemail until early this morning, and I called him back just now to say I already made other plans.

    I invited him last weekend to a picnic this weekend that I was invited to. So potentially I’ll be seeing him on Sunday.

    Thursday, 4 August 2011 @ 10:12am

  583. 583: LetitshineNo Gravatar says:

    Corin,

    Well perhaps your right… I want it to be fun and maybe I’m not open enough… I guess I am too considerate..like I said of other peoples feelings.. I so hate to hurt or mislead others as I know how that feels and I am a true believer in “treat others as you would want to be treated”… I also have to admit, I got a bit triggered when you stated I took it too seriously (I’m not mad but I am trying to see why that triggers me so).. again it comes from my mom telling me I am too serious and take this stuff too seriously.. I guess I don’t see how it is a bad thing to be considerate of other peoples feelings.. how is it okay to go out with someone you know perhaps your not interested in but wants more … how would I feel if someone did that to me…uh which has happened numerous times?? What r your thoughts behind this?

    @SLV
    For what I was expecting from match…

    Well.. I had always called it “getlaid.com” so maybe I already have a predefined notion. but when I did finally sign up, I was open and said to myself..maybe I just need to be more open.. Well of course the first 2 weeks you get bombarded by winks and emails etc.. This is numbers overall.. I guess, I just was expecting to maybe find 1 or 2 guys to potentially go out on a date with..that maybe I might also at least be somewhat interested in (yes more than friends) and right now I am at 0. Well – there is the guy that I will go out with as friends.. I can’t help it if I don’t find someone interesting…

    I got about 45 or so emails… I responded to about 8 or 10 (eliminated out of town, too old/young, smokers and the no way hoses).

    1 guy- we talked..he asked me out..never called back

    1 guy– I think it was a fake profile or he was married… he text but they were very strange…no emotion.. and his profile only had 1 pic and conflicts (i’ve read to watch out for these)..so I didn’t respond to him..he was never asking to see me after a couple weeks so I thought..time to move on..

    1 guy–texted a couple times and never heard back

    2 guys—emailed..got to personal email and one asked for coffee this week…asked what days..I respopnded with 2 options..haven’t heard from him and the other is above..said he would email and didn’t (honestly, I am not completely heartbroken about these guys..I thought they were okay but how am i to heal myself and move forward if I can’t even get somone to follow through)..that is my disappointment.. I think…

    1 guy- the friend one

    I don’t know.. I’m thinking of hiding my profile for a while and just watching movies or focusing on my Jazzercise or my kids for a while…

    Thursday, 4 August 2011 @ 10:13am

  584. 584: LetitshineNo Gravatar says:

    maybe I’m just not patient enough.. I am not a very patient person and so maybe that is the issue.. I love that I am not a very patient person sometimes.. that is part of my passion and spunkyness about me that someday someone will love as well as me.. no one is perfect and neither am I and so be it.

    Thursday, 4 August 2011 @ 10:16am

  585. 585: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Daria,

    RE: #551 – wondering if you ever sleep was not an insult. I actually admire people who have energy. If you had heard my tone of voice you would have heard that come across better probably.

    And, I myself was up half the night so it was just nice to see you there. Maybe that’s how I should have worded it. I appreciate your feedback and like it when you are on the blog when I am.

    Thursday, 4 August 2011 @ 10:20am

  586. 586: aspiringsirenNo Gravatar says:

    tears welling up …. feeling not good enough

    Thursday, 4 August 2011 @ 10:20am

  587. 587: LetitshineNo Gravatar says:

    Maybe Corin is right..I’m putting too much energy into this dating thing.. which is how I feel. and I don’t know if it is worth it.. I thought it would be good to get back out there and try to date again after i fell so hard and honestly I am doing much better as thoughts of my ex don’t cross my mind as much and when they do, I just think of something that reminds me of how I didn’t like a certain way he treated me and remind myself..that is not what I want for myself..which is slowly working.. I guess I though getting out there and CD would help..so I’m disapointed there are not more men to CD with I guess.. maybe I will just go out with this guy..leave the profile up and focus on myself even more and if a guy shows up I want to CD great and if not..then I am okay not CDing if that is what is meant to be as well..

    Thursday, 4 August 2011 @ 10:21am

  588. 588: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    Brenda RE: 581
    I feel hesitant and self conscious bringing this up….I noticed a couple things that I wanted to gently point out but not to be crtitical of you.
    I believe that Rori suggests not travelling to meet a CD but have him come to you…..
    and inviting him to a picnic sounds like you are in leaning forward mode…
    Just remember you are worth it for him to travel to see you and as we all know leaning forward can set us up to feel icky….
    If he comes to see you he should be able to put a plan together to take you out, etc. You deserve it.

    Thursday, 4 August 2011 @ 10:33am

  589. 589: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    I feel at peace even though my CDs are not doing any impressive “stepping up” …..I’m at peace because I’ve learned that the river concept is true….men are flowing in and out of my life and it is ok.

    I’m also working on not having expectations for an outcome, like when I meet a CD that I think has husband potential I need to stop pikcing out our china and planning our destination wedding in my head…..hahahaha

    I mean, its ok to dream, but I don’t want to get carried away

    Thursday, 4 August 2011 @ 10:36am

  590. 590: alias girlNo Gravatar says:

    #555 DE i feel weird. i feel a little shut down towards you. what do you think?

    Thursday, 4 August 2011 @ 10:56am

  591. 591: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Daria,

    RE: #551 – P.S. I think I felt too shy to say that directly, and I feel embarrassed now. So that’s why I worded it that way.

    Thursday, 4 August 2011 @ 11:00am

  592. 592: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Emerson,

    RE: #587 – Yes, I am aware of not traveling to a man. That is the secondary reason I didn’t go when New Jersey invited me. I know he wants me to see his house, because he’s been doing a lot of work on it. But I haven’t seen him show the effort to come to me.

    As for inviting him to the picnic, I know you are right about letting a man plan. And this guy just hasn’t been stepping up. He also made it clear that he is strictly looking for a friendship, because he is in recovery from alcoholism and is trying to get his life together. He doesn’t feel ready for a serious relationship.

    From my end, I already know he is not anyone I would ever marry, so I see it as a platonic friendship, too. I guess for that reason, I was bending the rules. I just get sick of going everywhere alone, and I still question myself for inviting him.

    I don’t feel offended at all that you point these things out. I know they are true. Actually, I am kicking myself, or trying not to kick myself, for going to see York at his home for the first date. I made a mistake there, and I think at the moment, I was just so enthralled with the daytime and nighttime photos he sent me of his swimming pool.

    I have had this fantasy for years about swimming with a man at nighttime. I had the opportunity to fulfill it with Ryan two years ago, and he just started shivering uncontrollably with coldness, so that lasted 5 minutes. Once again I felt disappointed, since we didn’t even end up swimming. He just used his pool as bait to get me to come to him, and it was nearly 2 hours each way.

    I really am going to get firm about having a man come to me. The other factor is that I don’t have my own home right now, but he can still come to my town and meet me in my area.

    Thursday, 4 August 2011 @ 11:15am

  593. 593: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Susan,

    RE: #575 – LOL! I think we are in good company here! I just need to tame myself down! LOL!

    Thursday, 4 August 2011 @ 11:17am

  594. 594: tinqueNo Gravatar says:

    “I feel scared that I will want to have sex with other men and that I might feel unfufilled. I’m very loyal in relationships, but I’ve never been with anyone longer than 4 years.”

    Emerson and Daria and anyone else who may have these fears. In my experience, the sex just keeps getting better. Every time I wonder how it could possible get any better than this, it does.

    Oh sure once in awhile an encounter can be a bit meh, but it’s SO rare, and it inevitably has to do with where my hormones are at or where my head is at the time.

    If he’s the man for you, you will continually be finding new things with each other or rediscovering things in a new way.

    The connection grows more profound.

    We’ve been together well over nine years, and we’re not so young either; he’s 50, and I’m close to that, so…

    I’ve been hearing here and there about the older men being all dried up, NOT necessarily so. Maybe this is tmi, but we still have sex on average three times a week, sometimes more, occasionally less, but never less than twice.

    Put this one really close to your heart, and please try not to worry.

    xxoo

    Thursday, 4 August 2011 @ 11:19am

  595. 595: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @582: Letitshine says:

    “..@SLV
    For what I was expecting from match…
    Well.. I had always called it “getlaid.com” so maybe I already have a predefined notion. but when I did finally sign up, I was open and said to myself..maybe I just need to be more open..
    …I got about 45 or so emails… I responded to about 8 or 10
    …I thought they were okay but how am i to heal myself and move forward if I can’t even get somone to follow through)..that is my disappointment.. I think…
    …1 guy- the friend one…”

    Is this it, sort of? ==> You decided to open yourself to a site you thought of as “getlaid.com”, you received 45 responses in about two weeks, you replied to about ten guys and you have one CD.

    You were expecting more men actively making plans and showing up for dates. Right? Or almost? One out of 10 e-mails seems low but maybe the other sirens can compare notes with you. Maybe it’s usual, maybe it doesn’t matter, you only want to keep going until you have three or four guys in your rotation.

    Whatever the numbers, I imagine there is disappointment that more didn’t work out. But who knows, you might get a new bunch new week. We do not need all the guys just a few good ones for each of us.

    If you continue even at this rate you can expect 25 guys over the next twelve months… and I suspect if you tweak your profile and replies and try more sites, you might have even more!

    I’d interpret the post “to not take so seriously” to be an encouragement not to place hopes on guys until you’ve met them. Nothing wrong with you, nothing at all… :D

    There’s lots you could do and movies, jazzercize and time with your children is very good! You could also try a few different sites. Perhaps rework your profile if you wrote it with “getlaid.com” in mind and you really want something else.

    The results don’t seem bad for such a short period of time … Keep going. :D

    xoxo

    Thursday, 4 August 2011 @ 11:20am

  596. 596: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    SLV,

    RE: #556 – THANKS! Breakfast is an important meal to get right, according to the book, “Fit for Life”, by Harvey and Marilyn Diamond.

    They said the body has 3 cycles, roughly 8 hours each. I can’t remember their names but it’s basically intake, like eating and digesting from about noon to 8 pm. Then assimilation from about 8 pm to 4 am, where your body restores its cells with the nutrition as we sleep. Then from about 4 am to 12 pm, is the cycle of elimination.

    That is the cycle that is most important to weight loss, when the body is ridding itself of waste, and that is when the fat is eliminated. In the book, they encourage that breakfast be a light meal high in water content that will help cleanse you. Fruit is the highest in water content of all foods.

    My ideal breakfast is a protein shake. I typically use orange juice, frozen bananas (peeled and frozen in zip lock bags), protein powder, and ice. The best protein powder I have ever found, after trying many kinds, is “Life Basics” Plant Protein Powder with Greens. It is made from the protein of peas, rice, and hemp! and it has greens added, which are very rich in nutrition.

    Thursday, 4 August 2011 @ 11:22am

  597. 597: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    LobbyStar,

    RE: #553 – Congratulations! I feel excited for you! I also feel encouraged that there are good men out there like that!! Thank you!

    Thursday, 4 August 2011 @ 11:23am

  598. 598: LetitshineNo Gravatar says:

    @ SLV

    THANK YOU!! The energizer bunny… yes that is what I need to be… I will try to have less expectations and if one shows up, great and if not.. wasn’t meant to be or “next” ..I will be able to do this … your help and the other sirens or aspiring sirens are very helpful!!

    Thursday, 4 August 2011 @ 11:36am

  599. 599: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    #542: Patricia says:
    “…….real problems that could compromise my job………..oh yuck that wouldn’t feel good….

    #578: Patricia says:
    “..lol I”m my own boss! I have to answer to me…the toughest critic of all……:)…”

    An understanding and compassionate employer… good! :D

    Let’s see what happens. Sometimes two people hate each other on sight…note: I’m not wishing that for you. That can be a big letdown… :cry:

    LD can become imaginary if the two people wait a really long time for initial meeting. So meet soon, SOON! and then get some Skype dates going on… if there’s attraction.

    Meeting some local guys would be good too…

    Thanks for sharing, Patricia.

    xoxo

    Thursday, 4 August 2011 @ 11:40am

  600. 600: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    I just saw this post about the fixer-upper, and I bet it is the one, because it is the same, small town! LOL:

    2br – 11 XXXXX ROAD (XXXXX PA) (map)

    Date: 2011-08-04, 8:25AM EDT
    Reply to: see below [Errors when replying to ads?]

    BEWARE!!! BEWARNED!!! SCAM!! THIS HOUSE HAS BEEN A FIXER UPPER FOR YEARS!!! OWNER LIKES TO MAKE DEALS TO GET HOUSE REMODLED, BUT DONT!! YOU PAY RENT FOR A DUMP!!! A SIMPLE MONTH TO MONTH LEASE IS USED.. EASY EVICTION!! DONT PUT YOUR MONEY IN TO HOUSE YOU WILL NOT GET IT BACK!!! OWNER WILL NOT PUT MONEY IN THE HOUSE!!!! OWNER WILL HAVE YOU WORK ON THERE PRIVATE HOME BUT WILL NOT PAY YOU!!!! OWNER WILL NOT SIGHN A LEGAL CONTRACT FOR ANY DEAL!!! OWNER HAS BEEN SCAMMING RENTERS FOR YEARS!!

    11 XXXXX ROAD (google map) (yahoo map)
    cats are OK – purrr
    dogs are OK – wooof
    Location: XXXXX PA
    it’s ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
    PostingID: 2529277574

    Thursday, 4 August 2011 @ 11:46am

  601. 601: PatriciaNo Gravatar says:

    SLV

    you are so right!
    LD and I text daily, talk on the phone every second day and email regularly. He is coming to my town in just over a week, wants to meet and spend some time…he is getting a hotel room, planning the weekend and knows it’s not a booty call…his words were” there’s a spark and we owe it to ourselves to meet and see where this goes”……He knows how I feel about LD relationships and that I’ve had them before and so had he. He’s of the mind that if it’s worth it he wants to work towards it. And so far he has. He wanted to call last night late to say good night…I was already in bed and tired said I wanted to pass…and he was ok with that……texted emailed this morning as usual….follows up through my day via text and is excited about coming to visit. I am going to avoid having him over to my house until the second or third day and I feel good about it (not obligated)…..and yeah I know plenty of local guys…and we have coffee and they call and email…but it’s been so casual……just not the right fit….but we’ll see where this goes and I’ll remain open to others in the mean time………

    it feels good to talk about this here….feels good to read your thoughts and move this along in a siren-y sort of way…..

    :)

    Thursday, 4 August 2011 @ 11:50am

  602. 602: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @Brenda

    Do whatever works for you. I love frozen bananas; I haven’t had any for a very long time.

    xoxo

    Thursday, 4 August 2011 @ 11:50am

  603. 603: alias girlNo Gravatar says:

    #593 tinque YES! yes this is how i envision it. i envision it getting BETTER and being very good. Pat Benetar has been with her guy for 20 or 30 years or something and she says they simply adore each other. (paraphrasing)

    i feel excited to get into a long term sexual relationship.

    Thursday, 4 August 2011 @ 11:55am

  604. 604: alias girlNo Gravatar says:

    i would agree with brenda and daria on the high protein as the first meal of the day. when i just have grains or something i have slightly less energy.

    still i eat what i want and so some days it’s just toast or a muffin or cereal. but when i eat the protein as a first meal i feel pretty strong and ready to go.

    Thursday, 4 August 2011 @ 11:58am

  605. 605: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @600: Patricia

    I got a very strong vibe reading your post!!! What if this is the one? Anyway, he sounds like a decent man. I’m getting kind of excited about this. I’m seeing you two as a team!!! (I need to go pour cold water on my body now… :D )

    xoxo

    Thursday, 4 August 2011 @ 11:59am

  606. 606: PatriciaNo Gravatar says:

    604 SLV

    you are a dolly! Thank you……we shall see….and I shall work through what ever surfaces as my anxiousness waxes and wanes….really trying to keep my heart healthy and open…….and see what the universe is saying here……..

    will keep you posted…..:)

    especially about the life experience in it all!

    xo

    Thursday, 4 August 2011 @ 12:06pm

  607. 607: smileNo Gravatar says:

    how would you interpret this text message and what would u say?

    I understand that I am hurting you and I apologize… how would u respond or would u even respond??

    Thursday, 4 August 2011 @ 2:50pm

  608. 608: TeresaNo Gravatar says:

    hm. Baby’s Father just messaged me.

    BF: hallo
    me: hi
    BF: how ya doing?
    me: doing well, in general. getting things done. you?
    BF: about the same.
    me: :)
    BF: constantly frustrated by money. otherwise, fine.
    me: me too, but somehow I will find my way through it.
    Sent at 4:21 PM on Thursday
    me: feeling a bit confused..about not talking much lately, not really feeling connected.
    BF: how’s the little man?
    me: he’s good. has had a lot of bumps and bruises this week .. but he is healing amazingly fast and he’s into everything as usual.
    BF: good to know he’s consistent
    Sent at 4:24 PM on Thursday
    BF: do you wonder what he’ll be when he’s older?
    besides a genius
    Sent at 4:26 PM on Thursday
    me: I do. think about what he’s interested in and what he’ll want to do. but he’ll probably just be a professional genius.
    BF: yeah. that would be the easiest choice for him to make.
    me: well he’ll be good at everything
    Sent at 4:28 PM on Thursday
    me: <3
    BF: i have to run. <3 to you both. xoxoxox
    Sent at 4:32 PM on Thursday
    me: love to you too W, xoxoxo
    Sent at 4:33 PM on Thursday

    … I keep wanting to avoid uncomfortable silences (the :) and the <3).. I … am not usually like that but feel like he is feeling pressure because I am uncomfortable.

    I feel weird that we haven't talked, I don't like that he isn't acknowledging my comment, …about not feeling connected… instead he ignores it.

    My boy is THINKing that it is because he knows its true, and there is a reason for it, that he doesn't want to share yet, or talk about, or make real.

    My goddess self still wants to be acknowledged and have an explanation. (but if he DID say something it might not be what I want to hear so I feel like I should not press it.)

    I am doing my best to just express my feelings and let it be – not expect him to DO anything about it, because I don't want him to feel pressured. I just want him to know how I feel.

    Do you think I need to express that I just want him to know how I feel, it's not his fault or anything, just how I am feeling.. I think in this instance it was ok to tell him how I feel since he asked how I was..

    Any input on Baby's Father is appreciated…

    I reallly need to work on my feeling messages.

    Thursday, 4 August 2011 @ 2:53pm

  609. 609: Ice PrincessNo Gravatar says:

    Tereasa,

    May you can say that you feel unheard when he ignore you like that.

    I am confused….are we or aren’t we supposed to ask how they are doing after they ask us?

    Thursday, 4 August 2011 @ 2:57pm

  610. 610: TeresaNo Gravatar says:

    IP, I am not sure, it seems alright to me. Like mirroring. If they already asked I think it would be fine to respond in kind.

    What does everyone else think?

    Thursday, 4 August 2011 @ 3:07pm

  611. 611: Ice PrincessNo Gravatar says:

    I thought it was okay but I think I remember reading here that we shouldn’t. I don’t really know…would love to know what others think. :)

    Thursday, 4 August 2011 @ 3:24pm

  612. 612: TeresaNo Gravatar says:

    I am wondering, when is it leaning forward to send him updates about the baby?

    For awhile I would occasionally send emails about what the baby had been doing, (since he is still 2 hours away he misses getting to be in the baby’s life everyday) or photos, etc.

    He was staying in communication with me at the time so I felt like it was ok to do this occasionally. Occasionally being a few times a month.

    Right now he’s being very distant so I’m not sure I should still be doing that?
    But then I think.. well I shouldn’t let OUR relationship interfere with my responsibilities (??) as a parent or his rlsp with baby. I feel like since he’s doing his best to save money to move here, it is fair for me to help keep him informed of what’s going on with the baby.

    Hmm.

    What do you sirens think?

    Thursday, 4 August 2011 @ 3:36pm

  613. 613: CamilleNo Gravatar says:

    Teresa,
    I am uncertain, but would that be you overdoing? I am feeling like if he were interested or curious how his baby was wouldnt he be asking you? I too…would like to know the anwer to your question, that is my gut response. I dont know if you should take on the responsibility of him being informed of his own child. It seems that should be his responsibility. What do you think?

    Thursday, 4 August 2011 @ 3:42pm

  614. 614: Ice PrincessNo Gravatar says:

    I have two children with my ex-husband and I only update when asked unless there is something serious such as an accident or a doctor visit update that he needs to be aware of. But I cannot stand the man and only like to deal with him when I have to so that could be a very bad example.

    Thursday, 4 August 2011 @ 3:47pm

  615. 615: TeresaNo Gravatar says:

    #608 Ice Princess –

    oh yeah I meant to say-

    Yes I thought of saying “I feel unheard” or I would like to feel acknowledged..

    But “I would like to feel acknowledged” feels to me like directing him on what to do.. (even though I constantly turn phrases around this way because I prefer to use the POSITIVE – what I DO want rather than “i feel unheard” because in manifesting it seems saying I feel unheard only brings attention to “unheard” and brings more “unheard”…

    (Ladies? What is the opinion on how to speak positively yet without it feeling like “directing”?)

    I could have said I felt unheard, but didn’t because I also still felt like (from past experience with him?) that it seems even small things like this.. expressing my feelings this way.. makes him feel pressured. Like if I say something and he ignores it and I continue to press, I imagine he will feel pressured.

    the third option I have thought of is just responding “that’s great, ok I have to go, have to meet someone, etc” and then due to lack of a better response from him, being more unavailable – taking longer to respond to ims and texts, or having plans sometimes when he asks to visit. etc.

    but that feels like being closed off to me.

    It seems it would work best if I simply mirror him.. he is being distant, I am distant. He contacts me, be open. but keep responses mirroring his attitude in length of comments or lightness of attitude.

    I feel this is what I did here- leave him alone until he contacts me, and be open (although I felt slightly closed off and angry esp after my comment not being acknowledged.) -

    but… if I’m simply mirroring, where do I bring in the FEELING message about our lack of communication? I thought I did it right- mentioned it only when he asked how I was … maybe I should have waited longer. huh…

    Thursday, 4 August 2011 @ 3:49pm

  616. 616: TeresaNo Gravatar says:

    #612- Camille -

    Yes I think it should be his responsibility to ask how his baby is. So as long as he was doing that and communicating with me *constantly*, I was sending emails or photos once in a while.

    But I mean, should he really have to ASK for photos? I take a lot of photos. I feel like he doesn’t ASK for things from me because he doesn’t want to make me do anything. He always tries to avoid me having to do things. Like paying at the restaurant, driving, pumping gas!!!!. He helps cook, helps do the dishes, etc. He is really sweet. I believe he feels it would be one more thing for me to do. So instead, I do it without him asking and making him feel like he put any burden on me.

    HOWEVER, if he is going to be all weird and not be communicating sporadically and shortly, then I feel I would be overfunctioning to do so.
    I just question that since his distance recently has to do with our conversation where he mentioned maybe being interested in an open relationship- not a lack of interest in the baby. In fact it seems like he’s being distant- yet every few days asking how I am and how the baby is – forced but he is still trying to ask about the baby.

    So that’s where I get confused about how much I should be doing..

    Thursday, 4 August 2011 @ 3:55pm

  617. 617: CamilleNo Gravatar says:

    Teresa,
    I relate to it seems to work best if Im mirroring. That works for me my man but instead of when he is distant……you dont have to be distant. You should be taking care of you and loving you and be open….for when he comes to you. You should be doing things that make you happy. Instant of distant think of his time away from you as “self care time” which is a blessing! I have learned to cherish that time, when my man is being distant. And whats fun is to have so much to talk about that you have been doing when they do call or come back around. Then “he” finds you interesting.

    Thursday, 4 August 2011 @ 3:57pm

  618. 618: CamilleNo Gravatar says:

    Teresa, you sound so sweet and kind. And I have felt the same way with my ex and our children. Your ex sounds like he enjoyed doing things for you and from my “new learning” it makes them feel good. So yes maybe he should have to ask for a photo and you should just “BE” be the kind, beautiful woman that you are. And take it as a compliment that you are such a wonderful mother he doesnt have to worry about your son much……………..what do you think?

    Thursday, 4 August 2011 @ 4:01pm

  619. 619: TeresaNo Gravatar says:

    #616 Camille –

    yes that’s what I mean. When he is distant, I am not looking at his stuff, calling, texting, writing, I am busy doing me and what makes me happy.

    I have learned when Man-I-Live-With takes off to do things without me it feels great to do whatever I want to do without him poking his nose into it, or how I should do it, or what I should be doing. I can relax (as much as poss with a baby around anyway).

    Men should never leave me alone cause I won’t be alone long ;)

    if only it were easier to get out with baby!

    Oh, PS- Baby’s Father is not my ex- we have never been in an exclusive relationship. We still “see” each other. Just the last three wks being distant after a particular conversation.

    Sitting here, I am feeling this:

    I feel my desire to send photos/emails in this moment is more out of a longing to have him ‘notice’ me. Before it was coming ONLY from a desire to share. I guess my fear is that NOT doing all the communicating I have been doing will seem like ignoring him and he will get moody and close down further. HOPEFULLY in reality it will simply allow him to relax, knowing I am not pushing it, and in fact am not around, and he will have to open up and chase me for the attention.

    Thursday, 4 August 2011 @ 4:57pm

  620. 620: DENo Gravatar says:

    Alias Girl #589:

    AG said:”#555 DE i feel weird. i feel a little shut down towards you. what do you think?”

    I feel confused…:( Do u ask me what I think because u don’t want to feel weird and shut down? or some other reason?

    warm hugs,

    Thursday, 4 August 2011 @ 5:37pm

  621. 621: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    RE 608 I have been practicing to just respond to their question without asking how they are doing and no one has reacted. Some just go ahead and say what is happening with them. I try to find playful silly ways to respond to the question and find that some just laugh and repeat what I said.

    Thursday, 4 August 2011 @ 7:33pm

  622. 622: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    RE 607 Teresa maybe he did not respond to the disconnect comment because of the energy behind it? Maybe it is coming across as if you want something from him, some kind of outcome so he is unconsciously resisting it?

    Thursday, 4 August 2011 @ 7:38pm

  623. 623: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    I like bears.

    Thursday, 4 August 2011 @ 8:02pm

  624. 624: TeresaNo Gravatar says:

    #621 FW -

    Yeah that’s possible. I have been finding it really hard to not feel closed/angry about this.

    I do want him to do something differently. I am trying my best to …just express and not want/expect anything. working on it. need to get out and talk to other men or something. sooo frustrating with baby – so tired all the time and hard to take him places.

    #617 Camille-

    I sort of forgot to express my feelings and thoughts to what you said.

    Thank you so much for the compliment and taking the time and energy to write a response to me. Yes you are right, he definitely seems to enjoy doing things for me.. so yes maybe I should let him DO as much as he can. :)

    I have felt a little hesitant in letting him DO ALL the time..because.. in the past he’s for example asked/complained that I never call HIM… (he doesn’t even like talking on the phone, I don’t think, as most Aries don’t) – so I think he thinks it’s fair for me to offer or do ONCE in a while but I think you’re right about me letting him do most of the time.

    He won’t even ever let me help with the tip when he pays the bill at dinner. He always says “your money’s no good here”. even when I know he’s short on money he always pays. Even when I tried to put $5 in gas in the car because it’s all I had, he matched it. Most of the time he just pays for it.

    looove.

    I really hope he comes back around (wait – what am I talking about – they ALL come back!!!!) …. And the further I get the faster, right????? :) :) :) :)

    Thursday, 4 August 2011 @ 8:22pm

  625. 625: alias girlNo Gravatar says:

    #619 DE i don’t feel able to connect with you in a way that feels satisfying.

    Thursday, 4 August 2011 @ 9:07pm

  626. 626: DENo Gravatar says:

    Alias Girl #624:

    Okay…thank u…

    warm hugs,

    Thursday, 4 August 2011 @ 9:21pm

  627. 627: DENo Gravatar says:

    Riffing my way through reading #589

    Hmm…my first thought reading this…was “Huh?”-

    2nd thought…”wow..I don’t know what to say…okay…thank u” …but then,

    3rd thought: “hmm…I feel confused, annoyed, actually now I feel pissed…this reminds me of scenes from the playground back in the day where I was yelled at for “not playing nice and fair without knowing there were rules in the 1st place”…is like “huh? Yet, again…”

    I feel blamed for someone feeling bad that I feel no responsibility for, and this feels bad…and sure unsafe…okay then, I will take my toys and play somewhere else…okay, thank u for the trigger…great opportunity to heal it…

    4th thought: what if I were a guy in this scenario and interested in her romantically…what would I do? Take the blame and the negative energy? Disappear? Ignore? Ask for feedback and more explanation so that I can understand and make Her feel better?

    I thought we are learning to make ourselves feel better, and as a result, we would be open and warm towards everyone…I don’t sense warmth and/or openness… even though she asked “what do u think?”- which it didn’t feel good either…

    Are there “expectations” of me? To apologize? or Fix it? How can one fix something has no ownership of?

    Hmm…how revealing experience this is within a man – woman context!…proper use of RR tools would clear the bad feelings…or at least there would be some clarity offered around the problem… yet, it is not…it feels like holding grudges… (sigh), (sigh)…

    Thursday, 4 August 2011 @ 9:32pm

  628. 628: TeresaNo Gravatar says:

    Sigh.. I am really feeling anxious this morning about this.

    Baby’s Father is coming to visit tomorrow.

    I am wondering if all this awkwardness/distant behavior could have been avoided..

    when he said “that’s too bad… because I’m kind of interested in open relationships” I said.. oh you just broke my heart a tiny bit.. “But GLAD i found out NOW, rather than later”… just feel like maybe I made him feel blamed, pressured, I don’t know.

    But I just am not looking forward to his visits anymore.

    I mean, I am because I want to see him.. but then I feel like I see him and am disappointed. Because he is being distant.

    I want him to make lots of eye contact with me, and touch me and hug me and kiss me and .. I want to feel his energy feeling OPEN!!!!!

    I feel like I messed up somehow, ugh,
    NO, I am The Goddess. I am The Goddess.

    All I have to do is Relax and he comes toward me, with offerings to make me happy.

    We’re invited to a friends house (but so is Man-I-Live-With and daughter) – and I don’t know if I even really WANT to go there, tho it would be fun to DO something out of the house, I also am not interested in Man-I-Live-With and Baby’s Father getting to know each other any further – since Man-I-Live-With is interested in open relationships.

    And mostly, just because, I want to spend time ALONE with him but I’m sure he’ll suggest we attend where we were invited, since the last two visits he also was avoidant by inviting his sister, then his mom, and not spending the night.

    ughhahgahdffkhasd;lkf
    I feel as though all my Goddess abilities need to re-AWAKEN!

    This man sends my heart into flutters and my thoughts escape me, I forget everything I have known! I want to be SURE that I do this all VERY WELL! I love this man.

    Also, I am a bit mad that he hasn’t written his promised letter in response to mine. Oh welllll.

    When he’s being distant, but yet I HAVE TO SEE HIM,
    WHAT DO I DO?

    Walk around and talk to other people instead of him? Just lean back and be open, if he approaches me, be sweet and responsive.. When he walks away, let him, and occupy myself… yes… yes… ok…
    I am sure I will retain some amount of Goddess sense…

    Also since he didn’t let me know if he was spending the night I also haven’t made plans for Man-I-Live-With’s daughter to spend the night with friends so there will be a bedroom available. I could at the last minute. But. I probably shouldn’t , is that right? To inspire him to let me know ahead of time next time?? hehe.

    I LOVE him so very much. Train the student!!

    I am feeling too sleepy … good thing I am gonna take today off and go to my friend’s house with all our kids… I will hopefully get back into my Goddessness IMMEDIATELY.

    Friday, 5 August 2011 @ 10:28am

  629. 629: TeresaNo Gravatar says:

    I have a Question.

    When someone gives you the idea, via an outright comment that their relationship goal may not be the same as yours, (or maybe just an unacceptable add-on to yours) Do you stop dating them?

    Do you say “I’m looking for marriage, when you are looking for the same let me know”

    Or do you just.. let it go and date him as long as his actions are treating you well?

    I do wish I knew how to re-center this relationship – this distant behavior he is showing is really getting to me.

    I reallly have to find other things to do.
    I just wonder how much he’s going to miss me since he’s two hours away anyway.

    It is So hard here on my own with the baby. And this man is so amazing.. This should be inspiration to …lean back.. and …do……..NOTHING… except..what makes me feel good!….

    I feel like I need Patience.

    But I remember when I was little, people used to tell me I was The Most Patient person they had EVER met. And I remember that I was able to be patient because when I knew I had to wait for something, I just set my mind on something else, and before you know it, what you want is there!

    I am feeling so anxious today, I think I just need to go PRAY…

    Friday, 5 August 2011 @ 10:38am

  630. 630: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Teresa I am sharing some things I saved from past comments

    “”Can we talk for a minute? I’ve noticed that sometimes I’m feeling really uncomfortable. I’m not sure if I’m misinterpreting our relationship. I’m starting to feel hormonally all attached to you, and I can’t help wondering what it is that’s
    going on for you. I only know that I’m not looking for a boyfriend, here, and I don’t want to be in a friendship with sex. Sex is important to me, and I don’t want to get all hormonally involved with a friend. I feel really good with you, and I don’t want to put pressure on this to become some kind of serious, or even exclusive relationship, so I’m not sure what to do. What do you think? ”

    Sweetie, somethings bothering me, and I hate to even talk about it, because I feel so good with you…and it’s important to me that we’re just honest with each other and don’t let things get stuffed down…is now a good time to talk?”
    If he says “Yes” – then go with…“Once you said you would never marry again, I’m not sure how you feel about living together…have your feelings changed at all about this? What exactly do you see for us down the road?”
    Now stop and let him talk.
    Next – “I’m asking because I realize I don’t want to be a girlfriend all the rest of my life – even though being your girlfriend feels so great, I’m concerned that after a while, I’ll start to feel insecure and want to feel more solid…I’m just a girl here, and sooner or later, I’ll want more. What do you think?”
    Let him talk. You can always ask him…“I don’t want to be putting pressure on you…do you want me to date other men so that there’s less pressure as we go along?” — Basically this is the “No Girlfriend” speech – but with a lot more “air” and expressiveness and exploration in it – and allowing him to get involved in the discussion.
    2. “I’m just a girl here and I can’t deal without contact – it makes me feel unloved and unwanted….I don’t know how we can be together without some conflict…I don’t know if that’s possible. Is there some way we can work to resolve conflict more easily so that there isn’t like 2 or 3 days of no communication and anger between us? It would feel so good to be able to make mistakes now and then and somehow work our way through them. It would feel great to feel secured and relaxed that way, so I could love you without feeling afraid of doing or saying the wrong thing…”
    3. -”It’s important to have a relationship in my life where I feel like I can count on the man to be
    there for me, and to not constantly question our
    relationship.”
    4. -”I want the kind of relationship where I feel
    loved, and I can tell the man I’m with loves me
    and isn’t afraid to show me.”
    5. -”I want a relationship that feels safe and secure because the man I’m with is capable of making a
    real commitment.”
    6. -”I want to be in a relationship where I don’t
    have to feel like I’m pulling teeth just to talk
    about real issues in our relationship.”
    7. -”It’s important to me that I’m with a partner who is also conscious of the need to communicate and
    be honest with each other… and who can talk
    through even difficult things with love and
    listening.”

    1. it feels like a lack of connection and i feel like sliding on an ice wall

    I
    feel awkward and excited even talking about this.
    And I don’t want… a boyfriend or a live-in
    relationship at this point in my life. I’m looking
    to be married and be a mother. So, until you’re
    sure you want marriage and fatherhood, it would
    feel better to just date and keep my options
    open.

    I’m having a really awesome time with you and you are sexy as heck.  That’s why I feel like I need to tell you that I’m looking for my happily ever after man not just a boyfriend.  I feel like I’m ready to make that kind of commitment and to have someone to love and share my life with and have a deep connection that grows stonger with time. So I would like to see things go to the next level. What do you think? 

    Friday, 5 August 2011 @ 10:57am

  631. 631: CamilleNo Gravatar says:

    Teresa,
    First off….you may want to join on the new thread where everyone is today you will get more feedback and about your question. I think what you do is CD and have fun but do not give more than you would like to as long as your not trying to give and manipulate them into being something they are not. And I wouldn’t expect a different outcome. Well actually I would have no expectations of the outcome..detach yourself from an outcome. If it “feels” good for you….do it If it makes you feel anxious or uncomfortable or bad………express it and dont do more (make sense?)

    Friday, 5 August 2011 @ 10:58am

  632. 632: CamilleNo Gravatar says:

    Teresa……….Feminine woman hit the nail on the head! Yeah what she said LOL
    Thanks FW

    Friday, 5 August 2011 @ 11:00am

  633. 633: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Teresa I also believe it is perfectly okay to saying something like “I don’t feel we want the same thing and am keeping my options open for the person who is. I will be open to dating you with others if in case you change your mind”.

    You have to be very clear about how you feel and what you want from this relationship and whether you are getting it. Why would you stay in it if you are not?

    Friday, 5 August 2011 @ 11:01am

  634. 634: 1xdutchNo Gravatar says:

    Did not know were to post this but I think you will all enjoy this; girl power
    http://www.ted.com/talks/eve_ensler_embrace_your_inner_girl.html

    Friday, 5 August 2011 @ 4:28pm

  635. 635: MariposaNo Gravatar says:

    Yes, I have been feeling this. Messy ex has been around a bit more lately, and that darn attraction is still there. But I am happy in my wonderful, loving relationship with the man who really wants to be with me. Messy Ex still isn’t sure what he wants. Still messy, still figuring himself out in so many ways, so not ready to be the man I’d want. But am I settling? Just cuz I have someone who is so loving, such great communication, we grow and are so happy…. OK, so I feel a bit suffocated at times, but not sure it’s not my old needing to escape mechanism in play there…. not trusting myself. First point of the mantra. In this new relationship I am crawling into love, Messy Ex was a big, exciting collapse/fall into a big pile o love. Is this how forever love feels when one treads gently into it?

    Wednesday, 17 August 2011 @ 11:45pm

  636. 636: RachaelNo Gravatar says:

    I am new to this site and I have been desperate for a way to sort out my feelings.
    Two years ago I met a man who then said I was the woman he was going to spend the rest of his life with. He was in another state and would come see me. He feel for my kids as I did his daughter.
    Well about 3 months the rollercoaster started. He said he had to end it with me because he was going through personal stuff with work trying to move back to CO to be near his daughter (and so on). He said he loved me I lost my mind. Went a bit crazy even. Understand I think he is the first man I have ever loved and I was married prior for 11 years. But I felt (and feel deeply for him).
    Well he moved to CO I was still in AZ.
    I decided that the only way this would ever work (because he stated he needed someone close) was to move. It took me until July to finally do this. We have talked back and forth many times and tried to stay in contact.
    My son who is 12 loves him. He writes him and talks to him even when I asked him not to.
    Well as it turns out he got into a relationship in May/June.
    When we moved he said he was so happy we moved and he misses us and loves me and the kids. He stated he has a lot to work out on himself. I did not know he was in a relationship.
    About 4 weeks go by and I see him in a parking lot holding hands with a lady.
    I text him if it was him. 4Days later I get a text that yes it was him and yes he was with someone.
    A week ago we talked and he tells me he loves her. He is not happy with himself but she is trying. I told him I have to let him go because he is happy with her. He says he is not happy yet again.
    We see each other and the kids. He tells me how much he misses me. But he has things he has to work on.
    He goes on to add that he can’t be a hypocrite if I am with someone else because he is with this woman.
    I do not understand what he is doing. WHY he is doing this to me.
    Then I was told by my son he sent him an email of how upset he is with him.
    He was going to come over and bring a dog he wanted my kids to have. Needless to say no call to the kids and no show.

    I love him, but I need to love myself more.
    After reading many of the posts I see women have moved on.

    I guess I want the perfect answer (I know not possible).
    I want to know is it possible to get someone back or is it that is my actual problem?

    Sunday, 21 August 2011 @ 3:34pm

  637. 637: RachaelNo Gravatar says:

    Mariposa,
    How did you get over the pain of messy ex? How did you move on to be able to have the Mr Wonderful?

    Sunday, 21 August 2011 @ 5:56pm

  638. 638: EsteemedNo Gravatar says:

    Rachael,

    RE: #636 – I am so sad for you in the pain you must be going thru. And your kids are the innocent victims in all this. I think Rori would encourage you to move on and CD other men.

    I will only speak for myself: I was hurt very badly by a man, R, in 2009, who led me on to believe he was about to propose, and instead he said, “It’s just a friendship. I’m not in love with you.” There was much more to it, but since all my hopes, dreams, love, and trust were at their height, it was the most deeply I have ever been hurt by another human being. It took me most of 2 years to recover. Everyone, or most everyone, has told me he’s a loser and it’s better for him to be out of my life.

    In the past 3 weeks, I’ve seen him 4 times, the first I’ve spent time with him in 1.5 years. We are rebuilding our friendship from the ground up. We are both committed to keeping it at a healthy level, which for now means platonic and carefree.

    So I say you never know what will come of a relationship. I believe if I were you, for now, I would focus on how to love myself and my kids, and walk away. When you feel ready, it would be healthy to date other men, several at a time.

    I am so sorry this happened to you.

    Hugs, Esteemed

    Sunday, 21 August 2011 @ 6:06pm

  639. 639: emotionalNo Gravatar says:

    I love reading this blog it really inspires me and makes me determinded to keep going. My story is I met a guy similar to the lady in this blog after a divorce he helped me with and was there for me and we got on great but the stress from 11 yrs of abuse and keeping quiet surfaced onto this poor guy. We broke up and recently we tried again all going so well then my NVs started up and bam he is distancing himself he was so open before and now there typically is an old holiday flame who is single again they used to chat as friends and she is comenting on pictures and putting up sausy ones of herself..how do I just lean back and take it in my stride cos what will be will be ….

    Thursday, 1 September 2011 @ 4:19am

  640. 640: zoephiaNo Gravatar says:

    men who need to keep two women and play them off show so little confidence/selflove – they are simply incapable to love

    the question is: what inside you still wants to hurt yourself, what makes you blind so you do not see what you really deserve

    Sunday, 2 October 2011 @ 3:28am

  641. 641: AdmiraNo Gravatar says:

    I am only 23 years old and kind of similar situation my man is 31 . I met my boyfriend at the time 2 and half years ago at work. We were friends I was seeing a guy at the time when I met him and he asked me to go for lunches with him at first I told him I could not I have a boyfriend and then I agreed after taking to him for a long time and he told me he was dating a bunch of girls at the time. Then one day I told him my boyfriend and I were over and he started talking to me a lot and one time we kissed and we started dating but I first made sure he was not with anyone else. Then we became boyfriend and girlfriend for 5 months and one night we were just hanging out in my car I was saying goodbye to him and some girl that was parked behind me came out running towards him and hit him in his face and said you cheater and all so I got so scared and ran away and told him next day I did not want to be with him anymore. Then after that 3 days passed by he texted me and called me and he told me it was just a crazy girl I never told her that I was not wanting to be with her so she stocked me. So we were together for 3 more moths then he asked me to move in with him and I did. When I moved in with him I found that girls pics and some stuff that were hers I asked him why is this stuff here he siad oh she moved out long time ago it was ot that girl. But to make long story short I found out 2 days ago that he has had direct deposit going from that girl into his account and he had phone with her and insurance with her the whole time we been together and I confronted him all he can say is oh I met her only every month to give her the money and so she can pay me the phone it was only at a gas station no were else so I broke up with him now but it is so hard I love him so much I just dont know how he lied to me so much and why?

    Friday, 21 October 2011 @ 6:03pm

  642. 642: helenNo Gravatar says:

    hi, I think i need help after reading your story, i thought you were the lucky one ,at lease you still havesome one, i have been married 40 years ,and my husband have just told me he want a devoice , but he is telling everyone that i am the one asked for the devoice, and he just went to philipine for 3 weeks holidays on his own, even after i beg him not to go , he just told me it was the best 3 weeks in his life, and he was doing everythings that he wont do it in u.k. not with me or with our children. we lived seperated now and he keeping saying how he is enjoying being on his own, as I can’t control him anymore, and i always thought I was looking after him i am just so depress, i hoped someone can give me some advice.

    Tuesday, 26 June 2012 @ 11:55am

  643. 643: Rori RayeNo Gravatar says:

    helen, I deleted your last name (if it was your last name) for your privacy. Helen – your situation is something I’ve seen so much, and I want to say how sorry I am you have to go through this, and give you a great big hug. I also want to encourage you to get help. Here on the blog, you’ll see all kinds of ways that are new and different to you to take better care of yourself and get more of what you want from a relationship with a man. I encourage you to start with my ebook, and read everything you can here. Love, Rori

    Tuesday, 26 June 2012 @ 6:00pm

  644. 644: helenNo Gravatar says:

    thanks rori,I think i need this.i need to talk to some one understand me or in the same situation as me, or even give me some advice , as i am over 60 years old , and my health is not very good either, i actully think that is one of the reason he left me, so he dosen’t have to look after me anymore, as he told me that the government will look after me, it was just so hurt , i thought you are supposed to looking after each other when you are getting old together. may be that is why he find a woman younger than our daughter, so he can feel young again.

    Tuesday, 26 June 2012 @ 11:59pm

  645. 645: sharonNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Rori,
    please can you advise me? i am living with someone and have started circular dating. the person i am living with has said he doesn’t want to get married so should i just leave? many thanks x

    Wednesday, 27 June 2012 @ 12:03am

  646. 646: AdmiraNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Rori,

    I really want someone to give me some advice if possible. I don’t know if I should stay or go I just feel like my boyfriend is do distant won’t me and not romantic anymore we needed to get married but it’s not going to happen it looks like and I feel so bad about myself I feel as if he is taking advantage of me and does not care about me not affectionate anymore.

    Thursday, 28 June 2012 @ 11:10am

  647. 647: AdmiraNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Rori,
    I really want someone to give me some advice if possible. I don’t know if I should stay or go I just feel like my boyfriend is do distant won’t me and not romantic anymore we needed to get married but it’s not going to happen it looks like and I feel so bad about myself I feel as if he is taking advantage of me and does not care about me not affectionate anymore.

    Thursday, 28 June 2012 @ 11:10am

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