Here’s a great question from “confused”:
“Hi Rori. I have been living with my boyfriend for about 8 months. I am so in love with this man. He told me yesterday that he loves me, but is not in love with me. Do I stay with him? Or, do I owe it to myself to find someone who feels the same way about me?”
Confused – you owe yourself the decision to make choices that are at least aimed at making you happy.
How that will look is complex sometimes.
And this one depends a lot on how old you are, and what you want.
If what you want is to be passionately loved right now, and you don’t feel good being with a man who “says” he feels less for you than you feel for him – then I say get outta there, or ask him to leave – or just declare the two of you friends and start dating other men!
(I’ve seen this work well many times – but not so much if you’re really “in love” with him – way too hard on the cells of your body.)
On the other hand, he may not really know what he feels at all, he may be “tippable” – and my “Third Way” will WORK!
That means – go get yourself a life, raise your Degree Of Difficulty, get happy and involved in things beside him, stop pining after him, and learn some new skills in life, love and sex.
(Things like lectures, classes, acting class, pole dancing, ecstatic dance, church and temple, spiritual events and meditation centers. Meetup.com hikes and all kinds of charity walks. Film groups and restaurant and cooking groups and classes. Salsa dancing…)
Just because you live with him doesn’t mean you have to be available to him around the clock – or have to share everything with him.
Read as much as you can here, start with my Have The Relationship You Want ebook (in the sidebar) and practice all the Tools on him 24/7!
Let’s see what he does with that…