Is All Lost? Does She Have To Divorce Him, Or Can This Marriage Be Saved?

I just got a letter from Elise basically saying about this about her husband…

“Rori, He didn’t pay attention to me…we argued…he said he wasn’t a good husband and I deserved better, then he slept in the other room…I hate him. I deserve better. I am just upset Rori…I feel my husband is so selfish…he’s so in love with his friends…. I’m depressed and confused and needy. Elise”

Okay- I know if I could talk with both Elise and her husband – that would be best – but since we only have Elise to work with…I’m going to talk directly to her:

Elise, you’re going to have to make a choice.

Either you’re going to mentally and emotionally stay with this marriage and work through this rough time in the most creative and great way possible – or you’re going to bail and divorce him.

There is no middle place here – pick one.

I vote for you to try to salvage the marriage.

The first thing you need to tackle is your ” needy and depressed and confused.”

This is because you have no emotional, fulfilling life outside the marriage – and that’s where you have to go first.

Look – if you were to leave him, you’d still have to do that, right?

So start NOW!!!!

Make plans, do things, volunteer!!!!

Get happier no matter WHAT he does.

Then start talking to him the way we’re working on.

Elise – this is a huge change in the way you’ve been running your life.

I can’t imagine you want to bail on this – not with kids…

I KNOW my methods work – you just have to really GET what we’re doing here and throw yourself into it BIG TIME.

Caring what he does is only making things worse.

If my husband’s family came into town – I would EXPECT him to spend ALL his time with them, and that I’d better find something else to do.

This work is a daily, hourly, minute-by-minute practice…and that’s how this is going to change…

His answer is that of a defeated man who believes he can never make you happy. Either that’s true or not. I say NOT.

You may be right – he might be selfish and narcissistic…AND – the cure for that is for you to work on the part of you that has those components (and we ALL do) AND -

Thank you so much for all your loving words to me about our work together – and I wonder – what would your husband do if you felt that way, and said those kinds of things to HIM?

Like: “You are amazing”

Are there parts and qualities of him that you DO honestly feel are amazing? Focus on those…

I totally get this…even my husband can be clueless – and it’s my job to clue him in, and his job to hear me…and that’s something both people have to learn to do…

He may be in love with his friends – and I don’t think that would bother you if you felt he was in love with you…

And I know how that feels – we all do.

The place to start is ALWAYS – Are you in love with YOU?

AND to do whatever it takes to get to that place.

Love, Rori

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907 Comments to “Is All Lost? Does She Have To Divorce Him, Or Can This Marriage Be Saved?”

  1. 1: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Hopefully not

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 7:09am

  2. 2: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Featured Topic: What You Should Say When He….(One More)

    1) …Says something you don’t like
    Your response: “That doesn’t make me happy.”
    Oh, I can see you rolling your eyes. You’re probably pretty certain how he’ll respond. He might laugh or say he doesn’t care. You’re probably right.

    But the trick is to outlast his bad behavior. Remain distant until he approaches you later. When he acts like nothing is wrong say to him, “I’m still upset about what you did
    (said).” Now you’ll have his attention.

    He will start to learn that whenever he is rude, inappropriate or bullying, that you won’t simply ignore that bad behavior. He’ll need to apologize or you’ll retain your
    distance.

    2) …Says, “You Look Great!”
    Your Response: No words, just smile at him for 3 seconds.
    I put this on my list because most women tend to minimize compliments. One reason that they do this is that they don’t want others (particularly men) to think they are
    conceited.

    The problem is that when a man gives you something, even a quick compliment, he doesn’t want you to turn him down. Remember, giving is masculine and receiving is feminine. So when a man gives you a compliment, just relax and enjoy it. He wouldn’t say these words
    unless he meant them.

    3) …Expresses Doubts About Your Relationship
    Your Response: “OK I understand.”
    It takes a lot of courage to simply state, “OK I understand,” because your fears will be screaming at you inside your head.

    There is an important reason why you should respond this way. If a man has expressed doubts about your relationship, he most likely no longer feels you are a mystery.
    Memorize this phrase “Men despise what comes easy and crave what they can’t get.”

    In this situation, if you respond to his doubts with this pleasant and accommodating answer, he will start to feel as though maybe he doesn’t understand you as well as he
    thought he did. Perhaps you are a mystery to him after all. By responding this way you will arouse his curiosity and diminish his fears.

    The confident woman that men adore and never want to leave never begs or pleads with aman to stay with her. It takes courage to maintain your dignity when you’re sacred but, those women that have learned how to put their heart first unanimously say that the results are worth it.

    One MORE:
    4) …Shows Up 30 Minutes Late Without a Valid Excuse (and doesn’t call to tell you he’s going to be late)

    Your Response: “I’m sorry but I’m going to stay in for the evening. We were suppose to go out 30 minutes ago.” Perhaps you’re thinking, “Oh Bob, that sounds so petty and mean.” Well it might seem that way but when a man takes a woman for granted she should always create distance.

    Notice I mentioned that he was late and didn’t have a good reason. I’m not talking about his being late because of circumstances beyond his control. What I am talking about is when a man is late and acts indifferent. If you accept that kind of behavior you’re actually training him to treat you poorly in other areas of your relationship

    Bob Grant

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 7:09am

  3. 3: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    Femininewoman, I’m so glad I made your day!
    It’s the least I could do.
    I was receiving gem after gem from you on the previous thread.

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 7:49am

  4. 4: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    FW,

    I replied to you on the prior thread – not sure if you had a chance to read my post.

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 7:51am

  5. 5: CurvySiren10No Gravatar says:

    Memulo, just wanted to comment on your posts from the other thread. I would tread very carefully here. It’s very complicated when a man is still married with a complex situation like this one has. There is a lot of pain there and A LOT of unresolved “stuff” between both of them, with a child in the middle. I’m not trying to discourage you at all, but just cautioning you of being in the middle of such a firestorm. Be true to your feelings about it. He is only SO available emotionally at this point in time. It’s going to be your choice whether or not you can (or WANT to) weather through such a rocky terrain.

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 7:55am

  6. 6: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    I want to share again the message from the goddesses that came through me in response to something Femininewoman wrote:

    “… when fully committed … that is what he wants to do – commit everything in his life to you.”

    Wow. I never ever considered this before. It feels scarey. And EXCITING. Imagine!!! That level of giving from a man.
    To ME!!! Me? Yes, April Rose.

    And then – that’s when the words came from on high – and I’ll put them in a separate post for best effect -

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 8:00am

  7. 7: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    There is a man coming towards you who wants to give himself and everything he has to you. Into your keeping. Because he loves and trusts you, Goddess. He wants to lose his small self and become Huge in his merging and giving to you.
    Divine Masculine surrendering to Divine Feminine surrendering to Divine Masculine…..
    Surrendering, merging, Uniting.

    Until there is One.

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 8:00am

  8. 8: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:

    FW @2, Thank you! So much we can use there, especially about smiling when receiving a compliment.

    On V-night, M pulled me close and said ‘you are special’ I just froze! He brought it up again that he didn’t understand my reaction… DUH… I have to learn to smile and say thank you and RECEIVE.

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 8:02am

  9. 9: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    FW and CurvySiren,

    Thank you for your comments, they give me a lot to think about. I don’t feel good in the middle of all this obviously. At the same time, I do like him a lot. I like him on all levels and it doesn’t happen often with me.

    I will try to fight for this. I need to think how to do it. I agree that I should try and stop myself from being too nice. It will help me in any relationship anyway.

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 8:15am

  10. 10: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    Any word of advice from everyone is highly appreciated.

    Well for now he is busy with his stuff for a week, so I don’t have to do much lol.

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 8:24am

  11. 11: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    I liked a lot SA’s advice from the prior thread as well. I should get ready with more scripts and be firmer with my boundaries about this matter.

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 8:33am

  12. 12: Sapphire-n-JewelsNo Gravatar says:

    Ooo that’s helpful
    My partner is in love with his dogs
    I don’t doubt that he loves me to – but do I love me
    Need to work on that one
    Also my feeling messages
    Xxx

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 8:38am

  13. 13: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    Memulo

    Are you dating other men, or just this one?

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 8:40am

  14. 14: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    http://40daysofselflove.com/mebeforewe/love-life-free-call-sign-up/

    The two Christines have each written life-changing books, spoken to audiences around the world and dedicated their lives to showing people how to fall in love with themselves. What I love most about them is that, not only do they teach love, they live it. They walk their talk every day.

    These women have checked every relationship status box (single, engaged, married, divorced). They’ve been lonely, love-starved, afraid, and shut down. They’ve struggled, suffered and settled. They got shaken to the core (you’ll hear their riveting stories on the free call they’re hosting)… and emerged on the other side to be two of the happiest, most loving, most loved people I know.

    You could say they’re LOVE POWERHOUSES.

    This month, they’re on a mission to end love starvation, suffering and loneliness, for anyone who dares to say YES! to being happy in love no matter what is or isn’t going on in the romantic relationship department of your life. You can learn all about it here.

    On February 22nd, they’re hosting a FREE Transformational Conversation that will blow your mind, open your eyes, touch your heart and turn your love power on high.

    They’ll share their hard-found secrets, insight and inspirations: 3 Keys to Falling in Love With Your Love Life…no matter who is or who isn’t sleeping next to you. These are the same keys they used to take their love power back… meaning their happiness now only depends on one relationship – the one with themselves.

    You’ll definitely want to be there too! This is not fluff. This is love truth and love power at its best. Two Christines for a super power duo of self-love – where else can you find that?!

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 8:45am

  15. 15: LuzydelNo Gravatar says:

    Siren Angel; Replying to your post in the other blog.

    I do believe that we should not be dating all the time. I cannot put myself at risk for a date. Perhaps I am being dramatic, but no I am not going to sacrifice my life for Cding. The idea is to find a man who can love
    reach that perfection men seek. I need to love me, take care of me and forget about men for a long time.

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 8:46am

  16. 16: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    April Rose,

    I stated that I want exclusivity if I am in an intimate relationship and he accepted. So I stopped dating others.

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 8:47am

  17. 17: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Ladies:) Good morning:) It’s a beautiful day.

    Still not feeling mad about CF, just bored and like keeping my distance.

    He actually called me this morning and left a message like he does every day to say he just wanted to hear my voice to start his day off right.

    I mean, just totally sweet, like always.

    But the truth is, i don’t want a phone-only relationship, and i feel confused and unsafe hearing all this sweetness about how much he misses me and thinks i’m amazing, when he won’t try to see me more than once a week.

    And we’re not committed, so I think it’s on me to just lean back and be surprised and speak my feelings. And not be scared of losing him. I trust me. I trust my boundaries. I am learning sooo much, and I can do this.

    I feel fear of losing him, fear of him not pursuing, fear of him withdrawing and shrinking away instead of stepping up, fear of him playing games right now, saying one thing but doing another. None of that matters. Me getting the relationship I want is what matters, so I am boldly shedding my fear and LIVING MY BOUNDARIES.

    This way it’s not a roller coaster of connected/disconnected on my end. The onus is on him to stay connected. I don’t want to be waiting around for connection. I am really fabulous and my heart is too sensitive to be getting caught up in such foolishness.

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 8:49am

  18. 18: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Luzydel my sarcastic inner critic said “I would love to see you forget about men for a long time”. Men are everywhere so I guess I am having a hard time figuring out how this can be accomplished. Also when a man sees you and wants you he comes toward you no matter what you are saying or doing.

    I also remember Carol Allen’s talks about an archetype she calls the Lady in the Tower. Some women after getting hurt go off and claim that they are focussing on other things. The next thing they wake up 10 – 15 years later only to realize that a lot has passed them by and might have been unable to recognize the cute guy standing in front of them who was totally in love with them. I’ve been there so I know. I have pictures of myself at dinners with some guys and can only see now the look of love on the guys face. Even my own 14 year old daughter can’t believe that I was so blind when I show her some of the pictures I have.

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 8:53am

  19. 19: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Starla boldly going where no man has gone before (I am boldly shedding my fear). I am a trekky fan too so your comment triggered that memory and convinced me that you are truly a trekky.

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 8:57am

  20. 20: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    One more thing – I noticed I lose my temper/composure emotionally and lash out/get very dramatic when I’m not living my boundaries. And I don’t want to do this anymore. I don’t want to be energetically begging/crying out for love. It’s unattractive and toxic.

    I’m glad I just said I was busy and needed to go last night. I am breaking my patterns. Even if CF just turns out to be the guy who was dating me when I broke my patterns, that is extremely valuable. I’m still pretty young and with millions of available men in the US (and abroad, I am a polyglot after all!), I think I can shed all urgency about getting married too.

    I am unique, interesting, smart, sexy, sweet, ambitious, caring, and open minded. May the best man win.

    No more suffering for Starla. Prizes don’t suffer. I’ll have plenty of time to suffer when I’ve agreed to commitment:P joke.

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 8:59am

  21. 21: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    FW, you have no idea. I wear Pon Farr perfume. Check it out on Amazon

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 9:00am

  22. 22: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    I LOVE this post.

    Work on that part of us!

    Yay.

    Be Happy no matter what he is doing!

    Yay.

    Work on that part of you (the part that drinks a lot or whatever the issue is)!

    Yay.

    Tell him loving words that you appreciate about him.

    Yay.

    Cus they are amazing. Men. I know the ones around me sure are and there is plenty to appreciate although I sometimes get tongue tied expressing it…

    It feels scary to me sometimes to say nice things to MWC (or any man) in case it is leaning forward… and it makes me feel afraid, as I am allowing myself to be vulnerable.

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 9:12am

  23. 23: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    And omg grad school! One of the things that I love about CF is he knows about linguistics and I can actually talk to him about my passion, and he responds with equal passion for the topic!!!! It feels amazing, like the best friend I could ever ask for.

    But I’m going to probably be going to grad school for linguistics this year, and I’ll be surrounded by men who are into the stuff! And I’ll have my choice of most single guys there. I’m cute and feminine and know how to flirt, and it’ll be like being in a candy store.

    My guys are always telling me I’m a needle in a haystack. And it’s true. I feel interested in unique things and am very independent and powerful and ambitious, but I’m also just a total girl. It’s hard to find a girl who listens to death metal with all her heart or gets off on transitive grammar, but it’s a lot easier to find a man that’s into that stuff. I won’t be short on interesting partners. But I’M the prize.

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 9:14am

  24. 24: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    RE 20 It shows how we beat ourselves up when we are angry.

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 9:24am

  25. 25: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    24, FW, absolutely. Especially if you grew up being shown that your anger/feelings makes you a bad person.

    Getting off the phone felt unnatural and uncomfortable, but ultimately quite better than “going there” about my feeling bad. It’s a great start to a new pattern.

    He mentioned he wants to take me out on Monday for a date. That is my only free time for a date right now, so if someone else asks me out, I still have that Monday spot open, since CF confirmed nothing.

    It’s gonna feel weird and unnatural, just living my boundaries instead of saying to him that he better firm up plans if he wants me to agree to see him. But I feel in my heart this is what I need to be doing. Making him wrong feels bad too.

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 9:30am

  26. 26: LuzydelNo Gravatar says:

    FW; of course I will still attracted to men; I just feel for some reason, It is not my time. I have dated some men for a few months each; went on many first dates, Maybe I just have to take a break. Just like “D” tells me, maybe when I stop doing things about it, the right guy will show up, without CDing, online dates, etc. I just feel so turned off by men. I see that men do respond as friends, but not romantically. So I will keep “D” as a friend, My ex husband even showed up when I needed help, so he is also a friend, OK talks to me all the time, again another friend.

    There is nothing wrong with me, men just don’t see me in a romantic way. I have to accept that. I don’t mind the friendship though.

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 9:33am

  27. 27: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:

    I want to be an amazing person all the time. I intend to be an amazing woman all the time.

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 9:34am

  28. 28: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:

    I want to be an amazing person all the time. I intend to be an amazing woman all the time.

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 9:34am

  29. 29: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you Universe for allowing me to be a confident, self assured, beautiful, sexy Siren.

    It feels good :-)

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 9:37am

  30. 30: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Siren Angel,

    Wow, we posted similar things at the same time (28 & 29). I am working on acting as if, and practicing gratitude, focusing on what I do want… to increase it even more.

    :-) xoxox

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 9:38am

  31. 31: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:

    Ella :-)

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 9:43am

  32. 32: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    I’m getting asked out by another guy right now. There goes my Monday date slot.

    CF’s gonna be pissed. He’ll probably assume I don’t want to see him even though i’ll tell him “ohhh i feel so disappointed, it would feel really nice to see you, but i actually made other plans.

    he is going to grumbbbbllleeeee and withdraw.

    Or maybe not.

    Ack! I just don’t care! I’m feeling angry about his POTENTIAL reaction. Silly.

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 9:58am

  33. 33: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    Ok, I should definitely go out with friends/flirt. he is away for a week, I should take care of my vibe in the meantime! I am still not sure what to say when he shares about how the little boy reacts to him, but he just shares, he’s not looking for my opinion. I should decide how to make this short and to the point, hopefully helping him to deal and then switch the focus back to me/us.

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 10:02am

  34. 34: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    Starla,

    he just calls without touching the subject of meeting up?

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 10:03am

  35. 35: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    One interesting thing – he asked me the other night how I see myself in a relationship: dominant, equal, a follower. I said definitely not dominant, I want to be between equal and follower. Ok, so yesterday he says – his ex behaves this nasty to him because people do this sometimes when they get divorced. I said – no, what a weird reason, I didn’t behave this way in my life. And then he gives me: it’s because you are not dominant, you told me this yourself, you don’t need ‘to win’.

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 10:11am

  36. 36: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Memulo, 34, yes. says he misses me, i say i miss him too, i say it would feel so good to see him – and nothing! ah well.

    I am looking forward to CDing. I do love me some male attention:D I’m just a girl, afterall.

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 10:13am

  37. 37: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    Starla,
    If he calls would you consider to say
    “I don’t feel like talking to you when I am bursting for a cuddle. Talking on the phone doesn’t feel satisfying”.

    That way he would know you are annoyed because you want more (and that’s kind of nice for him to hear, that you want that physical contact to the point of grumpiness!). At the moment he knows you are annoyed but is probably clueless as to why.

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 10:17am

  38. 38: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    Starla, Yessss!

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 10:18am

  39. 39: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    37, April Rose, it would be like the bazillionth time I’ve said something. But yeah, I will say it again, le sigh:P

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 10:21am

  40. 40: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    No Memulo. Just tell him he is a smart man you have confidence that he will figure out how to respond to the wife drama and to the boy’s behavior.

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 10:23am

  41. 41: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    Yeah, Starla, I know you say it a lot.

    Perhaps you need to ask
    “Is there something I should know?” “Are you mad at me?”

    …I feel desperately uncuddled and I don’t like feeling this way….

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 10:29am

  42. 42: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you Rori,

    “The place to start is ALWAYS – Are you in love with YOU?
    AND to do whatever it takes to get to that place.”

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 10:32am

  43. 43: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks, April:)

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 10:36am

  44. 44: GoodheartNo Gravatar says:

    I would not ask, “is there something I should know” or “are you mad at me?” that’s getting into his head. And you should trust that he is a man & will tell you if there is something you need to know.

    Cding feels right & knowing that the absolute right guy will step up so there is no need to try control.

    I feel good with minimal to no questions being asked because you are a siren, you have options & whatever he chooses to do doesn’t need to affect you.

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 10:39am

  45. 45: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    I feel sad…Is every relationship I have gonna go through some sort of deep disconnected phase like this?

    I was feeling so happy to finally have a drama-free, safe relationship…but now it’s like…i want to take a step back cuz he keeps agreeing to try to see me more and he’s not following through, and i feel weird and unsafe hearing him talk about how much he misses me and how amazing i am when he’s been so close by. Now he’s moving away and my guard is way up.

    if i’m that amazing, hug me.

    he’s not stupid. something weird is going on, and he needs to figure it out before some other guy does first.

    and i feel sad, we were headed towards “forever,” and now i feel shaky and mistrusting. his words are just pretty bullsh*t to me right now. And that feels awful. I don’t much feel like getting invested in him anymore.

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 10:40am

  46. 46: GoodheartNo Gravatar says:

    I say these things because they are things I always need to remind myself of. When I start feeling the need to control or figure out it feels like a tight ball of resistance inside me.

    When I just relax, breathe, and let the universe work things out I feel the tension leave. Ahhh. And my vibe shifts.

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 10:41am

  47. 47: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    44 Goodheart, I agree with most of your post, but did you know that “is there something I should know/are you mad at me” is rori-recommended scripting, verbatim?

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 10:41am

  48. 48: LuzydelNo Gravatar says:

    I just deleted totally POF, yayy for me. I am not going to date until I love me totally, but if I meet someone outside when I am doing my fun stuff, then yes. but I will not force dating anymore (online dating is forced dating for me). I am going to get a small part time job to get back on track, and I will organize my drawers, closet etc. I am focusing on me 100 percent, my life, my health, my well being….

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 10:42am

  49. 49: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Starla I suspect that the weird thing that is going on is that he is sensing what is going on in your head. The doubts and fears and that might be pushing him away. In any event if you continue working on yourself I believe he will come close again. I would change the jackal language of bullsh#hit and just choose to believe that he loves me. I know actions speak louder than words but I would not go there yet if I were you, I would just continue living my fabulous life. He knows he has you so of course any normal man will reduce his efforts. This is not new.

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 10:45am

  50. 50: GoodheartNo Gravatar says:

    Starla, ((((hugs))), I have been in that feeling place more than once & it sucks. Pure & simple.

    So how about this? What if the universe has something exquisite lined up for you that you can’t even imagine right now? It may be with CF or may not, but either way it’s going to knock your socks off!

    What if what you’re going through with CF is just the precursor to the really big thing about to happen?

    You just have to ride out the suck.

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 10:45am

  51. 51: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    Goodheart,

    Rori gives these two questions specifically in Love Scripts. “is there something I should know?” “are you mad at me?”

    I have asked these things of my man and it opens up a chance for him to express what’s worrying him so he can let out what’s bothering him.
    Other times he is surprised and reaasures me nothing is wrong.

    In both cases the air is cleared quickly and easily.

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 10:46am

  52. 52: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Goodheart when you are in a relationship these things need to be asked. It shows confidence in my eyes.

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 10:47am

  53. 53: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Mel where are you? I believe Starla could use your hug right about now.

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 10:48am

  54. 54: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Oh no! :(

    The urge of leaning forward came back.

    I just heard one of my collegue who was out for drinks with ATW yesterday saying how all the girls were after him and how lucky he is about that and how he attracts girls like crazy…

    I felt so bad and shaky when I heard it and it was like 20 minutes ago and I am still shaking and my heart is beating really fast…

    I know it means nothing. he did NOT say he went home with one of these girl, and my head is telling me that he’s “not like that” and I’m sticking to what he said about “he’s not sleeping with anyone else”…

    But omg I feel worried like CRAZY!!! I feel so sad and I so afraid that he’s not gonna call me this weekend…

    I just CAN’t focus on something else than this right now.

    I want to call him (I’m most likely NOT gonna call him but I feel the urge to do so) and ask if he wants to go for drinks tonight. I feel the urge to see him and feel that everything is alright and that he is gonna keep stepping up and call me…

    I’m feeling so bad right now I can’t even work. I wan’t to call him. I want to feel reassured that everything is ok, that we gonna keep walking in the same direction and continue to “try” to make it work…

    I need to talk to him right now. Omg I’m on panic right now. :(

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 10:49am

  55. 55: GoodheartNo Gravatar says:

    Starla, actually, no I didn’t know it was Rori recommended. It’s just, for me, it feels less empowering somehow. I’ve done it quite a few times in past relationships & it always seemed to not work. Could’ve been the guys, or my delivery, vibe, what-have-you.

    So I tweak Rori’s stuff sometimes to fit me. I just go with my intuition. If I guy is feeling any pressure at all, it may push him further away. However, I agree with you can’t say the wrong thing to the right guy (to a point of course).

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 10:50am

  56. 56: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    FW, Goodheart, I will ride this one out. And I’m sooo interested in the learning here.

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 10:51am

  57. 57: GoodheartNo Gravatar says:

    That’s fine if other sirens don’t agree with me. I find asking, “is everything ok?” better (for me) than assuming it’s about me (“are you mad at me?”) that shows a lack of confidence to me. Or just saying, “I feel a little disconnected” but not assuming it’s about me.

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 10:59am

  58. 58: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    55 Goodheart, totally agree you can’t say the wrong thing to the right guy, within reason. That’s why I didn’t worry about getting off the phone. Because if THAT’S gonna drive him away, then I’ll just laugh.

    I am noticing that it really bothers him when I say “I’m just a girl here.” It automatically shuts him down to whatever I have to say after it. So I am not going to say that anymore. He knows I’m just a girl. I’m a girly little crying giggling thing.

    It feels good to talk and process here. In the past I”d be on the phone with him in the bathroom, crying and feeling like my whole day is ruined, can you believe it? hehe

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 10:59am

  59. 59: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    Lizka,

    NO lean back!

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 11:04am

  60. 60: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    I want to practice saying “you’re amazing” to men

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 11:05am

  61. 61: GoodheartNo Gravatar says:

    Starla, that’s why I believe we need to tweak Rori’s stuff because every man is different. Being with him & learning about him gives us the inside scoop on what is effective with him. There is no definitive right and wrong. I believe Rori’s stuff is a great guideline, but being flexible & following our intuition is invaluable.

    Staying in my feelings & keeping it about me (no blaming) is what really helps me.

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 11:07am

  62. 62: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Lizka change that channel. Leaning back is super important here. It’s your BEST FRIEND when it comes to getting the relationship you want. You’re like a crackhead hitting the pipe saying “just this once” cuz you’re feeling withdrawal, but the crack addiction just makes the underlying problems all worse.

    or something like that.

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 11:07am

  63. 63: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    #62: There was no withdrawal? A guy went for drinks with friends. Are we going to control his every move?

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 11:11am

  64. 64: LuzydelNo Gravatar says:

    I joined meetup.com for writers workshop; that should be interesting. Not a dating site perse but an activities site that will get me out of the house once in a while. the less obsessed I fell about being in a relationship and dating, the better I will feel.

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 11:19am

  65. 65: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    Starla,

    Your guys is probably just busy with friends, etc. and feels scared to tell you to get you upset. it has nothing to do with his feelings for you. unfair, but happens

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 11:20am

  66. 66: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    Daria,

    #60: I do say that or something similar :)

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 11:24am

  67. 67: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    Siren Angel – #28 – You already are.

    xxoo

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 11:28am

  68. 68: maliNo Gravatar says:

    I’m feeling so lonely right now… I just want to be held.

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 11:29am

  69. 69: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    Starla – Is this really coming from him? Or is it coming from you, and you’re projecting onto him? And he’s responding to your weirdness/offness.

    You can say to him, “I feel a disconnect (or you seem off/far away). Is there something you want to say to me/tell me?”

    xxoo

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 11:32am

  70. 70: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    I had all set up a anti-panic plan. I leaned forward on a guy I don’t give a sh*it but is interested in me and invited him over tonight for drinks just to be distracted and put my focus on something else (and in bonus he’s gonna fix my computer).

    So I was feeling better.

    But now the stupid-retarded collegue keeps talking about last night and ATW and I heard something about “getting a phone number” and I just want to scream at him to shut up and I don’t feel that good about my anti panic plan anymore.

    The urge came back again… ahhhhhhhhhhh

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 11:34am

  71. 71: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    Lizka,

    I would trust him and your connection and make this trust my priority.

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 11:37am

  72. 72: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    I’m trying so hard Memulo…

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 11:39am

  73. 73: Silver-Tongued SirenNo Gravatar says:

    sigh.

    this blog post is how I feel – I think I have been too easy for him to get all along from the beginning as I didn’t have any real outside life – we did everything together – but I was used to that in my two past important relationships. But I need to have more of a life outside of him/our family/our home, (But I LIKE those things)… and I need to lean forward less..but in a relationship I get confused about how much to lean forward I guess..and in the past relationships it all felt very natural, these men were completely in love with me no matter what I did. But here, I have realized that if he acts selfish and narcisistic, (not loving me) then I have to work on those qualities in myself. mirror him. I need to selfishly love me. If he is not feeling “in love with me” then I need to mirror him, and be in love with me.

    i don’t want to get rid of MILW. I want to keep him. To me my actions don’t seem very single-minded though, as i get easily distracted when BF is here (because usually I feel very good with him).. I am single minded/focused about FEELING good, and I have been thinking I am also focused on wanting to have all the options. I want MILW and BF both to want to marry me so I can choose. … is that selfish? I don’t know. I feel guilty for thinking that. I don’t want to hurt anyone, but I sometimes feel like I want to have a choice.

    I actually feel very bad for not being more focused about MILW (even as focused as I have been)….. why do I feel so easily distracted (like when BF is here)? I guess it’s because things aren’t feeling good and I am feeling a lack of things.. of love, cuddling, company, time, companionship… because he is not home and I don’t feel wanted and important and safe. I feel like I could easily get lost in something else and lose him by my carelessness, not really believing I will stay with him, instead hanging out with other men.. but maybe my actions have less to do with it than I think..hm.

    I am not sure how I can accomplish being with MILW if I don’t feel clear and focused about what I want .. so the best focus I think I can have right now is to be focused on feeling good and wanting the best from both men. … until I come up with something better.

    AND focusing on me, loving me, being in love with me….
    ugh this feel so against everything I grew up believing. And Yet all my life I’ve felt the importance and presence of Mirrors and Paradoxes.
    I keep forgetting, keep remembering… that…loving me.. is loving others.. sometimes. somehow I will reconcile this feeling that loving me focusing on me is not the right thing..

    I feel very confused about All of this.
    mirrors.. leaning back… loving freely.. gratitude.. (have been trying to mostly show it when he is leaning forward- if I have something to say, waiting until he contacts me)… sometimes I feel though that I shouldn’t hold back my love..that maybe I should just love freely even if it , be grateful for what he wants to give me and for all the positive qualities (even if there are other things that I don’t like)..

    i guess i can give my love freely if leaning back by waiting til he leans forward to give it, but still i must withhold some of it if I am mirroring the amount/way he is giving to me.

    I feel I don’t praise him enough, because both women he cheated on me with (that have happened more than once) are people who stroke his ego big time.. and I am shocked that he doesn’t see the fakeness of it? ….. one of them is just a blatant ego stroker, both of them were just social climbers to some degree (maybe trying to stroke their own ego I guess?) .. and one of them simply *mirrored his own words back to him* about things he wanted, how he felt about life in general, etcccc.. and he ate it up!! I could never bring myself to say things that were not 100% genuine.

    maybe that’s not why he did it, I don’t know. And besides, women who men cheat with are a temporary help for a rlsp out of balance somehow. … so they are “just for now”, and I am The One.

    I always feel like The One, In everything, it’s really kind of frustrating/tiring/lonely sometimes. but thank God because it challenges me in ways… that keep me fulfilled. But sometimes I feel like mother teresa “I just wish God didn’t trust me so much”.. lol. I feel self-conscious saying that. but I’ve always felt set-apart, and like the one who must be responsible, the wise one, the one who knows and has no excuse to do poorly, the one who is supposed to shine the light for others.

    feeling so vulnerable on this blog.

    so cute, baby has gone to fridge and brought me the yogurt twice this morning so I would get some out to eat. lol

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 11:40am

  74. 74: Silver-Tongued SirenNo Gravatar says:

    Lizka, I think I agree with Memulo #71…

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 11:43am

  75. 75: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    I know. My head says I can trust him and that we were just starting to develop something strong again… But my NVs omg!!

    And the collegue keeps talking about it like I’m not there… :(

    Now my anti-panic plan can only come over at 8 tonight! That’s in 5 hours!! I have so many occasion to lean froward until then!!!!!

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 11:49am

  76. 76: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    @54 Lizka – Girl, it may take everything you have in you, but LEAN BACK! Jack CD constantly has girls throwing themselves at him, and yet I’m the one he always comes back to. Why? Because I’m different. Be different, Lizka! Guys can’t resist DIFFERENT. Lean back!

    @68 Mali – awww, I know the feeling. haven’t seen you on the blog in a while, and I’ve missed you!

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 11:57am

  77. 77: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    Lizka,

    Try to feel the trust. No one is out there to betray you. Not in your head, but in your heart, please feel the trust.

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 11:59am

  78. 78: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    @75 Lizka – I have been where you have been. Rori talks about imagining yourself completely immersing yourself into your man. Hold him, feel him, smell him, listen to the sound of his voice…all in your mind. Then, mentally walk away and do something that FEELS GOOD. What are you into that feels good? Painting? Reading? Coffeehouses? Poetry? Or, if you’re feeling especially crazy, you can do something active. I like to go for a jog, or put on some loud music and sing at the top of my lungs and clean like crazy. Anything to get the obsessive energy out. You can do it!

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 12:01pm

  79. 79: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    one time I even re-arranged my sock drawer like Rori recommended in one of her emails. I was feeling frantic and obsessive and wanted soooo to lean forward, so I ran into my room and put everything in my sock drawer one drawer down, and everything in that drawer one drawer up, to remind myself, that I’m doing things differently now.

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 12:04pm

  80. 80: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    I feel a happy memory from one of my old cds who moved away. I wrote on my facebook that I just wanted to be held. And he wrote; “I’ll hold you if it will make you feel better.” Sweetest thing ever. Felt warm and melty and precious. I wish he didn’t live several hundred miles away now…

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 12:06pm

  81. 81: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Iamabutterfly thanks for your post to me. It helps a lot. Yes I want to be different. I want to be different from the other girls who are after him and chasing him and I want to be different from the Me he use to know.

    This feels like it’s gonna act like magic. I feel more hopeful…

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 12:10pm

  82. 82: ginaNo Gravatar says:

    Hi ladies,
    I was readin through the comments and felt compelled to share that lately I’ve been listening a lot to Abraham, and have noticed major shifts in my life by following her advice not to focus on what’s missing..Like for instance Starla: instead of focusing on what’s missing in the relationship, maybe it’d feel better to acknowledge the feeling of lack – and then fill it by thinking: “I love having a sweet man in my life who sends me love every morning – how lucky am I!!? I can’t wait till I have a man in my bed, greeting me with love every morning. And I can’t wait till we’re going to sleep together, and I can’t wait to experience all that love before we fall asleep, and all day…!! I’m on the right track – I am attracting more and more love all the time, and it feels amazing. I can’t wait till my man is by my side, with his arms around me!” I’ve noticed that with this way of thinking, more and more love has been coming my way…

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 12:11pm

  83. 83: maliNo Gravatar says:

    @76- Iamabutterfly: I’ve missed you too! (Did you still want to connect on facebook? Some of the Sirens have created a Siren Island group btw :))

    Thankyou for understanding… I feel like I’m not alone. That feels good :)

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 12:13pm

  84. 84: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    @81 Lizka – Yay! Glad I could help, and glad you are feeling more hopeful. Sometimes I seriously don’t feel like I know anything. Feels really good to feel helpful. :)

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 12:16pm

  85. 85: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    @83 Mali – Absolutely. :) I’ve just been kind of busy lately, and I felt like I needed to get away from the blog for a while and pray more. could you give me your info again? Thanks!

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 12:17pm

  86. 86: maliNo Gravatar says:

    Oooh yay!

    Ofcourse, my email address is mali.siren10@gmail.com

    Just email your facebook id :)

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 12:19pm

  87. 87: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Iamabutterfly –

    Sharing our stories IS being helpful to the others…

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 12:20pm

  88. 88: turquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Lizka…. I wish you had more fun girlfriends so that your weekends weren’t so dependent on a guy. I cannot believe that an absolutely gorgeous girl like yourself is so caught up on a man. Maybe it’s a canadian thing…. but sweetie, if you lived in the US, you’d be dripping with men.

    If I looked like you, I’d see if any collegues were going out for drinks after work or knew of something fun going on….. go home, get dressed to the 9′s, or at least look extremely hot, go out and have fun! Don’t sit around and wonder about ATW. Is he really gorgeous too? I wonder what it is about him that is so drool worthy of so many women.

    If I was leaning forward to anyone, it would be the hot guy from 2 years ago. Even just a , “Hi ______! I just saw _____ (thing, movie, heard a song, whatever) that reminded me of you. Hope things are well :)

    Or something along those lines.

    ATW isn’t asking you for a commitment yet, then go have fun with the hottie!

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 12:20pm

  89. 89: turquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Lizka, I missed a few posts… forget the anti-panic plan. Second rate men (if that is what you think of him) isn’t going to be enough. Find something better if you can. Hugs!

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 12:24pm

  90. 90: Silver-Tongued SirenNo Gravatar says:

    75 iamabutterfly
    “Rori talks about imagining yourself completely immersing yourself into your man. Hold him, feel him, smell him, listen to the sound of his voice…all in your mind. Then, mentally walk away and do something that FEELS GOOD.”

    Iamabutterfly, thanks for this. I am going to do that NOW. after I finish posting here I will do that, then go shower, wash my hair (if baby’ll let me), clean the kitchen from last night, think of some goddessy things that make me feel good, prepare my room for my client tomorrow, and then tackle those taxes…. that I am doing “in exchange” for rent for our home since MILW is paying it.

    79 iamabutterfly
    “put everything in my sock drawer one drawer down, and everything in that drawer one drawer up, to remind myself, that I’m doing things differently now.”

    yess… I have been trying to do that too. “Change everything” as rori recommends on her Reconnect Your Relationship cd. I need to listen to #6 today…… keep forgetting. will put that on as I prepare the room for client..

    82 Gina:
    ” have noticed major shifts in my life by following her advice not to focus on what’s missing..”…. I have been wondering about this too and experimenting with it, however instead of “i can’t wait until MILW is back home, etc”.. instead, I have been trying to just find GRATITUDE for what I have in him that I DO love — when he does something I LIKE, even if he isn’t at home right now, when he comes over with food for me or baby, or wants to see us, hold me, whatever…

    Not sure if this is the way to go, since he has said he doesn’t want to be my life partner right now and doesn’t want to live together (i have told him not to contact me unless it’s about a sexually exclusive rlsp) …but….. I have kind of let my “demand” or “boundary” go since… i don’t know, he oversteps it all the time and as FW said maybe he is showing me that he won’t go for demands and he is trying to do this his way.. (he said “lets work on the friendship and see what happens – but I felt like he just wants to keep me in his life instead of lose me altogether – esp in case things don’t work out for him).. But I am curious about this. I have been meaning to listen to some more abraham also.

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 12:27pm

  91. 91: LilybellyNo Gravatar says:

    Also Lizka~

    Beauty or not…he still remembers the you that you USED to be and is still learning to trust the you that you are TRYING to be and are growing in to.

    This sort of transformation takes time and it would be absolutely the best thing in the world for you to get busy doing something else…taking care of you and having some fun. I am taking guitar lessons and also am looking in to ballet. These are things for ME and have nothing to do with any man at all. These are things that are causing me to feel happier and there is nothing but benefit for ME to feel happier.

    Remember, energetically, they can feel our angst.

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 12:28pm

  92. 92: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    My exboyfriend, this Ironman I am posting about sometimes (for a long time I thought he was my soulmate and love of my life, and I still think so sometimes even if we haven’t talk for over a year after a big fight) was also in a relationship coaching program… For men… (more sex oriented but still for commited relationship too). And he became a coach himself also later…

    Don’t know if you heard about it. It’s call “The Game, penetrating the secret world of pick up artist”. Anyway will tell you more about our strange relationship anoter day. Maybe tonight to distract myself…

    But anyway, the fact is he was very very addicted to this book and program and he was seeing in every girl, an opportunity to have sex. He was really goin ou in bars to “close” (get phone numbers) a maximum of girls and eventually date, sleep and if he finds the right girl, committ to her…

    So during the 3.5 years we were datin but not exclusive (we were officially together only for a few months), I was freaking out on any girl who was talking to him. And I guess I had good reasons to do so…

    So I think I understand where my panic is coming from when I hear ATW is attracting girls.

    Not that I am aware of this, I have to remind myself that ATW is NOT Ironman and that they are actually pretty different. It’s not because Ironman wanted to sleep with all the girls in the world that ATW wants to do the same. It’s not because it has happen to me in the past that it’s going to happen again… Guys are not all into this stupid “the game” book. ATW thought it was pretty awful actually when I told him about it…

    Ok breath Lizka… ATW is not Ironman… Give him a chance. You can trust him.

    I have to heal this. Being aware is the first step. Thank you Lizka for noticing this. Thank you Lizka for not having lean forward yet. Thank you lizka for spammin the blog instead of calling ATW. Thank you Lizka for painting you nails at work to feel more goddessy…

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 12:34pm

  93. 93: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    If I need more of an emotional connection – do I just try to build it or do I say smth like ‘it would feel great to connect emotionally even closer’?

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 12:35pm

  94. 94: FlowerChild77No Gravatar says:

    Memulo…he may not be able to connect any more than he is due to his situation–wife and baby, etc.

    I don’t know if I’d be able to ‘wait it out’ until he is truly available.

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 12:39pm

  95. 95: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Lilybelly –

    I am trainning for a marathon. I run 4 times a week. yes it helps a lot. I always feel so good while running. And I notice that he is attractes by me when my energy is like that because he’s been calling me often when I’m out for a run…

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 12:43pm

  96. 96: FlowerChild77No Gravatar says:

    Lizka…you may be onto something about why you’re so triggered hearing about ATW being popular with the ladies.

    I agree with the other Sirens who’ve suggested leaning back and focusing on you. Spam the blog if you need to to keep from leaning forward. Like they said—be different and unique. ;-)

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 12:44pm

  97. 97: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Turquoise –

    Good idea about the guy from two yeara. I’m just afraid he’s not really single and his gf will heard about me texting him… I know her and we have a lot of friends in common too…

    And for the anti panic plan, the guy is also coming to fix my computer, so if he’s not useful to make me feel better, he’s still useful for my computer, hehe…and he’s brining wine so I can get drunk a little and not think of ATW…

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 12:46pm

  98. 98: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you soooooo much sirens for all your support. I feel so impressed by myself that I could control myself and not lean forward yet… It’s been more than 2 hours. In the past, it would have take 5 minutes and I would hve trown an angry message at him very blamey and accusing…

    Now my vibe is a little better. The urgency feeling has almost dissapeared.

    I painted my nails and been busy here spamming the blog. I also put my earphones and listen loud music that reminds me of good moments of my life to avoid earig more of the collegue sh*t about ATW.

    Ok I am breathing…

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 12:51pm

  99. 99: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    @92 Lizka – OH ! I feel so triggered by The Game! That book infuriates me. Admittedly, some of the advice it gives is effective, but it disgusts me the way it objectives women.

    I AM SO OVER THAT.

    Jack CD doesn’t know that I know this, but he uses David Deida’s Double Your Dating.

    That book doesn’t bother me nearly as much, but it does make me feel wary because it pretty much doesn’t talk about commitment at all, and I don’t like the part about him talking about men being evolutionarily wired to have sex with as many women as possible.

    THAT’S CRAP.

    Why do men secrete bonding hormones after sex if they stick around after sex, if that’s the case?

    Ewwww.

    I feel icky about it all…:/

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 12:51pm

  100. 100: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    FlowerChild,

    I don’t want to assume. I want to try and live my dream, so am giving it my best shot. I feel inspired and this doesn’t happen often for me.

    So all suggestions to my post 93 are very welcome ;)

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 12:52pm

  101. 101: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Gina 82
    That is brilliant. Thank you for taking the time to share.

    I wonder where the line is between “optimistic” and “fool”. I don’t want to be a fool.
    ———————-
    Dominique, you’re right…this is MOSTLY me, but it comes from a basis of us discussing this and agreeing that we’d see each other more. That he would try to see me. He’s trying less than ever now, but his words are so intense. It’s hard for me to even believe the words he says if he we don’t connect face to face. They fall flat on me. I feel like this is HIS problem, as he’s not doing a very good job attracting me and keeping me interested. So in a few minutes, I’m going to drop the issue entirely inside of me, except for when I talk to him and I am feeling disconnected again.

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 12:53pm

  102. 102: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:

    Sirens,

    I had a bad experience with M playing this game:

    - Tell me something you love about me (the receiver of info is only allowed to say thank you)
    - Tell me something you think we align on (the receiver of info is only allowed to say thank you)
    - TELL ME SOMETHING I SHOULD KNOW (the receiver of info is only allowed to say thank you)

    It all went down the drain with the Tell me something I should know… Puts men on the spot and they immediately think of WHAT THEY DONT WANT YOU TO KNOW

    We both agreed at that moment to drop that question because it felt really weird.

    Just a comment on some of the threads above.

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 12:55pm

  103. 103: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    that felt really negative after all the positive energy. didn’t mean to change the postive vibe. I loooove positive vibes! I feel powerful because I can always change the vibe!

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 12:55pm

  104. 104: ginaNo Gravatar says:

    Starla,
    Girlfriend, love that part of you that holds you back from love because it worries bout bein a fool!

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 12:56pm

  105. 105: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:

    Memulo @93,

    CREATE great experiences, don’t ask or talk about them. This is from my experience and mistakes.

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 12:57pm

  106. 106: Silver-Tongued SirenNo Gravatar says:

    update on MILW …

    after our text exchanges the other morning, … he called me, said he just wanted to let me know he had been thinking of me.. and.. well.. I love you! and I’m sorry you aren’t feeling as important as you would like… I don’t really know what else to say. I’ll talk to you soon – well I am heading over right now to do and I will be going to second job after that and be there til later this eve.

    I said “I love feeling thought of when I get your calls. <3 I also feel loved hearing your very genuine message and "I love you". It takes time and that makes me feel loved. Time + attention = quality time. I am surprised I didn't think of that description of quality time before."

    (because I've mentioned in the past not feeling connected and he would say "WE LIVE TOGETHER" – but being in the same room or doing things but not interacting/talking or going to events but spending it all with other people.. are NOT the kind of connection I need. I tried to describe before but never this simply!)

    after this he asked what my plans are for dinner.

    i almost didn't accept but then.. thought..well he likes to be spontaneous and i remember him once when we first got together years ago saying "well if it's meant to work out it will" – and I don't believe things just "work out" if they're "meant to" I think we have CHOICES and we take ACTION sometimes.

    Additionally, I recognized that he was trying to STEP up and give me what I wanted!! He saw that I need quality time to feel loved, and wanted to give it to me.

    So, I said "I haven't made any plans so far. Do you have any suggestions?"

    he said "my place or yours?" "I'm off around 8"
    …(ugh. let it go..let it go… and he will forget all about it)
    i wrote "i feel amused. which do you prefer?"

    (i thought that if we were in the environment he chose, he would feel best – and that if I let him guide and give that he would feel as though he pleased me!)

    He said "I'd like to rock the juicer for you at my place!"
    I said "OK I will be ready!"

    …..cont next post

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 12:57pm

  107. 107: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:

    Dominique @68,

    WOW! thank you kindly and sincerely :-)

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 12:58pm

  108. 108: Silver-Tongued SirenNo Gravatar says:

    Phone Call -

    he gets off wk and immediately calls me. Says “ok see you at the apartment!”

    …… I said. “oh I thought you were picking us up!” (I have *always* expected to be picked up regardless even living together. there have only been a literal handful of times where I did not expect to be picked up/ride together.)

    he was not happy about this. “why should i come pick you up and drive all the way over there etc only to come back here, and then have to leave again in the middle of the evening to take you back?” (he is very much about efficiency and “rational thinking”)…

    I said “oh……. I didn’t realize it was that big of a deal”……………”

    he started to get mad and said “nevermind! we will do this some other time!”
    I said “oh… okay. bye. ” and we hung up.

    I was in the midst of texting him to say I had been looking so forward to it, when I was saved by him calling back.

    he said “i’m sorry, I really do want to see you tonight, I want to make dinner for you etc” …
    but went straight to still being mad that he should pick me up. in fact implying that I was being “irrational and illogical”.

    (he loves to use these arguments on me – has even been emotionally abusive in the past – distracting me, invalidating me, crazymaking (telling me I am crazy, lazy, irrational, delusional)- etc … until I CALLED him on it, pointed out the exact things each time, or when he was changing subject etc, pointing that out…and have pointed out that it was emotional abuse – now he rarely does ANY of these things, but once in a while he still calls “irrational” or “delusional”.. lol.. poor man… what is he thinking about himself. I love him…. but he must be so hard on himself.)

    anyway – I explained (oops) that I felt I make a lot of effort for him – I get ready, look nice… etc.

    He said “i look nice for you too!” (……. no bearing here. you have no baby hanging on you crying, no little one to dress, no hair or makeup to do, no outfit to put together – and yes he looks GREAT, however he was already dressed from work! and it’s a tshirt and jeans!)….

    he said he still didn’t understand. I said because I’m the woman! and he said “oh because you’re the woman. now i’m really about to get off the phone”….. he did NOT like that “I’m about equality, sister”…

    I said “please listen. Not just BECAUSE I am the woman, but *because I AM the woman*, I have to do all these things: I look nice for you, I do my hair and makeup, get the baby ready – ALL while baby is literally hanging on me crying half the time, making it extremely difficult. not to mention all I’ve been doing all day, and then planning an outfit (and I didn’t mention to him that also it was a same day date, so I only knew a few hours ahead!)

    I agreed he looks nice for me too – and he is making effort too..but that this all takes effort. And that my opinion is as rational and logical as his IS. …. i took the stance that we were both right!

    then it came out that he had groceries in the car, etc..which he spent all his cash tips on ($25) and he said he wanted to go “home” and when he got there that he wanted to get it started, and it was already late (after 8pm)…

    (He was probably hungry – he gets grry when he’s hungry…..this is usually when I have dinner on the table when he gets home).

    He seemed to feel he was making a LOT of effort too. He still couldn’t understand why I needed him to pick me up. he asked twice if I got my car running. both times I ignored him and stuck to the issue.

    He said that He was going to Make Dinner For Me and HE was going to have to Clean Up, etc.

    I realized that it sounded like he intended to do all the work!
    (usually at home I have begun making dinner alone since he works so much etc..where we used to make it together before we had a family..two kids here. I make it about 50-75% of the time by myself, and I usually always clean alone while the family is watching a movie etc -even though I had started to change that dynamic)..

    I told him that he KNOWS I always help with things, and he wouldn’t be doing it alone…

    but realizing it seemed like he was wanting to DO these things for me… so… I said.. Fine, alright, I will drive over there, if that is what makes you happy!!!! he said YES! That will make me happy!

    and we moved on to discussing food, if there was anything I should bring from the house or pick up.. what we wanted to have..

    we started talking about mixed drinks and I suggested cucumber. he didn’t have any and i could’ve gotten some on the way and he almost let me – but then said “wait, you’ve got the baby, you would have to get you both in the car, get him out again, put him back in…. and I just want you to hurry and get here. I can go get them while you finish getting ready.”

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 12:58pm

  109. 109: elleNo Gravatar says:

    Lizka. I have been there so many times. I have really come to the conclusion that it is totally my problem. I have been hurt and neglected so often in my life that I have a hard time trusting what my bf tells me. When we are apart the NV’s come into my head and I get all sorts of bad feelings. Then we are together and I feel reassured and at ease again. For me the test is going to be over the weekend. I decided to do something different because trying to forget about it just isn’t working.

    First of all, of course I will try to keep as busy with things I like to do. Second, I saw him this morning and using FM’s I expressed that I was feeling anxious about the weekend etc and he reassured me of his love etc.

    I came straight home and wrote down a list.

    I will trust that what he says he means
    I will not let my NV’s get the better of me.
    I will not worry about things I have no control over
    I will remember that he loves me
    I will remember that he wants to move in with me and live his life with me
    I will remember that he is committed to me
    I will remember how it feels when he holds me and tells me that he loves me.

    So my plan is to re read this list every time I feel sad or anxious over the weekend. I know it will help me and I feel very good about things.

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 1:00pm

  110. 110: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    gina, pffft, fine, i will *pout*

    no, really, i will.

    eeesh, feels unnatural.

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 1:02pm

  111. 111: FlowerChild77No Gravatar says:

    BW…I just caught up with the last thread and have been thinking about his behavior. You say he’s a bit immature (or simply “in a different place” than you are—with totally different priorities.)

    My first impression was that he either doesn’t want to hurt you or he avoids conflict. Either way, he seems to be behaving in such a way that would surely make you say, “This is too painful and it’s not working for me.” Like he doesn’t want to be the “bad guy”—-even though being honest and saying he wants to leave would be the manly, step up thing to do.

    Cancelling plans with you by saying he “can’t afford it” and then having you transfer large amounts of money back to his account so he can party, etc.—to me seems like a cowardly “hint.” Also calling about his pants but not wanting to talk about anything. Again…ouch.

    The phone or txt conversation you posted sounds like he’s somewhat eager to label things between you as “over.”

    I’m not saying he is “wrong” in the real sense—I’m just saying how I would feel in your shoes.

    I would tell him he has the right to do whatever he likes, and thank him for letting you know what’s really important to him right now. (Saying this SINCERELY, not with ANY sarcasm.)

    And then just dive into your own life and CD like crazy (for YOU–not to rub in his face. In fact I’d just go about my business and not say anything to him about it or it will seem like you are doing it to see if it bothers him instead of doing it for YOU.)

    I’m still a baby Siren, so this is just my two-cents.

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 1:04pm

  112. 112: FlowerChild77No Gravatar says:

    Starla…I can relate you how you feel about him being so close and “talking about” missing you, etc. and not even bringing up the idea of stopping over.

    I know you want dates and your time asked for ahead of time and planned, etc. but he could mention stopping by for a hug on his way past your house.

    I know dwelling on it isn’t the answer, but I just wanted to say that I understand how you feel and why <3

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 1:09pm

  113. 113: ginaNo Gravatar says:

    Hugs Starla, XOXO

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 1:09pm

  114. 114: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    im having facebook drama with Erika Awakening

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 1:13pm

  115. 115: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    wow, another guy asked me to dinner just now.

    That’s 5 CDs in rotation. and a 6th from out of town tonight (unless that woman he’s with is his girlfriend).

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 1:14pm

  116. 116: Silver-Tongued SirenNo Gravatar says:

    I drove over. He called when I was two minutes away. He said let him know when I pull in to the parking lot so he can walk down to press the button to open the gate to the parking garage. He was out there, pointed to a close parking space but I was already pulling into one (doh!!!!) so I pointed and smiled -
    and he carried baby in while I got baby bag and grocery bag of things I wanted to juice or add to dinner.

    things were great, we had fun with the juicer, he made me feel comfortable and taken care of. we did several types of juice, made mixed drinks, saved some juice juice for dessert, had a nice salad with lox, and he put on cartoons for our baby and found a toy he likes to play with.

    after dinner i asked if he had seen pix of my son that I just put up. he said no, went to check, fb wouldn’t work properly. checked his email, got stressed about a bill he was suddenly informed of that had to be paid that evening, looked at not very full bank account..i rubbed his back a little bit.. (he is used to getting LOTS of massage at home).

    the first time he showed me this place a few wks ago he said “this is what I want our house to look like.. our house is so cluttered etc (i pointed out we have LOTS more stuff) he said we could get rid of a lot..(i have tried before!?!) he said “well..mostly its just the carpet” (looks awful).

    earlier I had mentioned “you know, Our House would look so much nicer if we just replaced the flooring.” (the place he is staying is a nice downtown flat, very minimal and modern and nice concrete floors. we can’t do concrete floors, our house is pier and beam so floor is plywood beneath carpet).

    we looked at some pix i had collected of ways to do the floor with reclaimed wood, then looked at a site we planned to buy from a few years ago and calculated space and cost.. seems like a lot. he said “it’s really just the cost”….

    (and that leads again to me holding us back by not upholding my half of EVERYTHING while doing *everything* else perfectly AND taking care of baby since he isn’t ready to go to daycare, nor can i afford it). (things still felt good though, when we were talking about this..)

    he asked baby if we could put on an adult movie. he pulled me down on the sofa with him, held me, cuddled me, laid on my tummy. we comforted each other, tickling, massaging, hugging. later he started to touch me sexually. I said “you know it turns me on when you touch me that way”.. he kept on and later stopped.. and a little while later did some more.

    I started to like it, so he moved further and then wanted to go down on me. I let him for a few minutes, and then decided I was going to take charge of this. because I did NOT plan to have sex. so I sat on top of him and played with us both .. and rubbed breastmilk all over him… i feel so superior that I can offer this. :D

    he loves it. (and said so)

    it felt so fun and fresh and sparkly.

    …. we lay on the sofa and baby wanted to nurse, and fell asleep. then MILW changed to a new movie and started to fall asleep too. (normal occurrence – falling asleep after dinner infront of a movie- as long as I’ve known him – unless we just stayed out late).
    I said “should I take baby to the house?” he said “okay. do you want to sleep here?” (think he hadn’t caught that it was a question. I shook my head no about something but he thought I meant no I didn’t want to and immediately said “ok”.. but fell asleep again. a while later i told him it was late and I was putting baby in bed. he said “are you going to sleep here?” i said yes, I don’t want to disturb baby or have him wake up with you gone”… (baby felt SOO good being with him for several hours instead of in and out).
    (i also should have shared feeling msgs that *I* wanted to be there but I forgot).

    we slept. in the morning i woke up before he did and since we had baby I never get to play with him at night or wake him up like this. so I took the opportunity. he loved it. eventually he wanted to have sex, and I told him no.. because I don’t think you’ve been wearing condoms with whomever you were with “no” he said, – and also I don’t know where you’ve been.”

    I THOUGHT he said “I haven’t been with anyone since I was with you last.” so I went ahead.. and it felt good to be with him. I felt like I was rewarding him for being more self controlled.

    everything felt wonderful.. then he realized suddenly he had to be at work. he got up got a quick shower, made us some quick food – tortilla roll ups with almond butter and fig/apricot jams and the juices we made last night for today.

    i asked for b vitamins out of the vitamin bag he keeps to himself for when we go places, and he gave me C’s, too.

    everything felt good, he walked us to the car, put baby in, and he agreed to watch baby during my client appt if i had one that day. she turned out to want sat and he agreed to that. …….

    ….cont later

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 1:16pm

  117. 117: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:

    Just thought I’d share this to help you focus on YOU:

    http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-4034/5-Clues-for-the-Treasure-Hunt-of-Your-Life.html

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 1:16pm

  118. 118: Silver-Tongued SirenNo Gravatar says:

    -correction – he said he loved when i play with myself- not about the milk but he loves that, too –

    and he kissed me a looott

    where he has been stingy about kisses in the last couple of years-

    and also put my hand to his heart or mine to his, afterwards… felt the love coming from him…

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 1:18pm

  119. 119: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    SA,

    Thank you ;)

    Btw I am still waiting for your scripts! Unless you posted them already?

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 1:20pm

  120. 120: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Daria, why bother? That woman just calls us all names and is rude to us, in the name of “healing.” Yikes. Don’t worry about her. The hypocrisy and projections are beyond obvious to anyone with a high-school level education that took psych 101 as an elective. Let the crazies play in the street by themselves. I unsubscribed from all her sh*t looong ago, and noticed that the number of mutual friends she and I had on facebook has dwindled substantially.

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 1:21pm

  121. 121: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    that was pretty harsh of me. i feel pretty good when i’m being harsh. it feels better to be angry than to be “not good enough”

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 1:24pm

  122. 122: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    elle –

    “I will trust that what he says he means
    I will not let my NV’s get the better of me.
    I will not worry about things I have no control over
    I will remember that he loves me
    I will remember that he wants to move in with me and live his life with me
    I will remember that he is committed to me
    I will remember how it feels when he holds me and tells me that he loves me.”

    Would love to stick to this list but some of them doesn’t wrk for me because even thought we’ve been commited in the past, we just recently dating and everything is so fresh and weak tjat I’m afraid he changes his mind and walk away… :(

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 1:26pm

  123. 123: LilybellyNo Gravatar says:

    98:

    YAY!!!

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 1:27pm

  124. 124: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    now i am feeling like i should call CF back, and be open and sweet.

    but i think this is me wanting to overfunction/feeling guilty for having standards.

    when in doubt, lean back.

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 1:28pm

  125. 125: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Turquoise I’ve followed your advice and sent the 2 years ago guy “hey, just heard this song that reminded me of you. Hope things are well”

    I feel sooooo good :)

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 1:34pm

  126. 126: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    And I think DjCD is back with his ex too… She is “in a relationship” on Facebook and I know she was still crazy about him… :( not my day apparently…

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 1:37pm

  127. 127: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Hi sirens! I am home from work and sleepy, so going to take a little nap before making dinner and getting some housework done. My ex said he’ll call me when he leaves work, and let me know what the plan is about coming up. I told him that next weekend is totally booked up, but the weekend after that is open. Then I said, but it would feel nice to see you this weekend, so I do hope you make it. He said he’ll be here at least some of it. Most likely he’ll probably wait and head up early tomorrow, but no expectations, so we’ll see what happens.

    Tom, the guy who brought me to the blog last year, ordered some girl scout cookies and I’ll get them Sunday, so I texted him to let him know I’ll have them Monday. He asked if he could come pick them up next weekend. He lives about an hour from here… soooo glad he didn’t ask me to deliver them! I said, “sure, that would be great. Thanks!” I am actually kind of busy next weekend, but will have free time to fit him in. I’m planning a surprise 11.5 party Friday for CV (my oldest) because she didn’t have an 11th party because we moved that weekend. Then Saturday we have girl’s night at my moms. This guy is such a guy…. and I did just about EVERYTHING wrong after the first few weeks. It would be interesting to practice on him, see if he mentions any changes in me. Since I have no interest in him romantically, I’m sure my vibe will be way different. He is a nice guy, just a commitment phobe, and really liked to be the guy. Which is great now… but back then I liked my boy energy a lot! He even told me stuff like that he liked kissing, but he likes to be the one initiating the kissing. I cooked soup and took it to him when he was sick. He did always drive other than that. I only went to see him once. He always paid… was the one who asked me to go to Florida with him after a week of dating… he’s also the one I went to the U2 concert with this summer, and we had $250 seats. That has to be the most expensive date I was ever on. So, who knows… maybe he’s single and will ask to take me out, I don’t know if I’d go or not… but maybe. To practice. He didn’t give me any presents. Didn’t even text me on Valentine’s Day last year, and we’d been dating a month at that point. I don’t really know that I’d want to give him another chance. Oh well, may be getting ahead of myself. He might just be coming to get his two boxes of girl scout cookies! LOL.

    The only reason I’m even thinking about this is that I’m not CDing any men. I chat with the guys at work, but I’ not even seeing guy friends for lunch or anything. I know I want to be with my ex, but all the advice here is to CD, keeps you from obsessing over one, keeps your vibe up…. I refuse to go back on POF, and would really enjoy a break from online dating. I looked into those meetups. Maybe I’ll start with that.

    The biggest mistake I feel I’m making with my ex, is that he probably has no doubt he could have me back. Even with all the crap that happened between us…. I forgave him. I forgave myself. How do you be open and warm and receptive, and still keep them on their toes?

    I might try and get my hair cut tomorrow… it’s getting kinda wild. Feels like I need more style. I always get caught here… let it grow really long, or go back to shoulder length? My hair doesn’t look like my FB pic right now. It’s really dark too. I went back to my natural color in Nov. and now am rethinking that. I might get some Feria tomorrow and lighten it up. Any suggestions?

    Starla,

    Have you talked to CF about how often you’ll see each other once he moves? Maybe he’s trying to establish a boundry?

    I remember once when my ex (we started dating in college) was about to graduate and then would be leaving for the army, and he went away for a long weekend to Vegas to visit a friend. I felt really sad thinking that he’d be leaving soon, and not just an hour away, 14 hours away… and that he’d rather go away without me, then spend a few extra days together. I let it go though, no sense getting mad over it. But, did my own thing, planned out my summer and prepared for him to go. He came back and was home a few days before he had to leave. Everything was good with us.. but I definitely shifted my focus onto myself. He was only gone a week and he drove all the way back up to see me for the weekend because he missed me so much. A month later he told me he’d had a talk with his mom, she wanted to know what his intentions were with me because he was gone, and I was still in school. He told me he’d told her that he was going to spend the rest of his life with me. He flew me down to visit for about 5 days. A month later I went back down to see him and he proposed, with a big diamond. We dated for 2.5 years before that happened, but the last 8 months were when all the action happened. In January we’d broken up, gotten back together in Feb. but him telling me he wasn’t sure what he wanted. I told him he’d better figure it out, because after 2 years, if he didn’t know he wanted me, I wasn’t waiting around for him. Another month went by, he was ready to commit and plan a future. 5 months later I had the ring. Geez… I was such a siren back then! LOL.

    I’ve said it before, Distance can be your BEST FRIEND girlfriend, if you let it. Embrace the distance, let him have the opportunity to MISS YOU and the void he feels in his life without you there.

    Stop telling him you want to see him more. It’s not helping, and you just feel upset. Keep your schedule so busy… that you couldn’t see him even if you wanted to. That vibe will seep over, and he’ll figure it out very quickly! I can see it now. I predict CF will be lost without you when he moves, and begging you to spend whole weekends with him.

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 1:43pm

  128. 128: lkNo Gravatar says:

    i’m feeling delighted thinking of all the trigger i have & how they affect me…

    a big 1 is… i feel afraid of being embarrassed in front of other women… especially by my man giving them more attention than Me. hmmm if i feel like this with cd ever… it will most likely be a Fluke or me Misinterpreting (i trust – but i’m awake & observing & tracking my feelings)…

    i’m sure sometimes i do that to him. it’s just humans. we’re imperfect & we love imperfectly ! how perfect : )

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 1:47pm

  129. 129: Silver-Tongued SirenNo Gravatar says:

    hope this is not TMI for anyone.

    Anyway, all was well.

    Then he showed up hours later at the house, unannounced.
    House was a huge mess, he asked if there was anything to snack on, I gladly pointed out what there was.. he said it looked like I overbought on the food in the fridge cause some of it was getting bad. he always thinks this when i do the shopping (though I have let him do it more and more cause its hard with baby and MILW LIKES going grocery shopping).

    anyway I said I didn’t overbuy. (i just haven’t had felt inspired to cook as much for myself this week… felt depressed a bit).

    i cleaned up the house a little (did I mention I was walking around in my underwear most of the time? with no makeup, having just showered – but we usually live together, he’s seen me this way, … but still! i felt self-conscious a little bit. :D)

    anyway,

    ……. i don’t know, at this point for him, some negative feelings may have set in -

    and he said to baby “are we friends?” … and I have heard this so many times recently it’s really getting to me and I have bit my tongue up til now – and said “you’re not *friends* he doesn’t want a friend”… or something. gah silver.

    he didn’t say anything but gave me a look.

    during this visit we had a discussion that was something like “we can date, if you let me do what I want” and i said “i want to let you do what you want, I just can’t have sex with you unless I know it’s only us” and he said “well you are having sex with me while I’m having sex with others” and I said “no i’m not – you haven’t in a while – you said you you hadn’t been with anyone since me last” and he said “no i said I was with so and so-” I did NOT understand this when he said this the night before. but anyway, ok.

    somehow we got on the discussion about condoms and how that scares me to death that he hasn’t been using them – with “so and so” it’s because “she’s allergic to latex” so the fuck what. tell her to go get her own husband anyway. I told him “especially her – she sleeps with everything! and he said well she hasn’t lately. only this one guy. and i don’t think she’s even had sex in a while actually”.. I said “it doesn’t matter – even if she hasn’t. even if she’s been tested things can show up a lot later, and even if it’s one person, one person is enough!!” … “also!, about getting someone pregnant!! THAT scares me to death. and if that were to happen, it’s not your choice anymore. etc” ..

    he said something about a fundraiser for a vasectomy, which he has mentioned several times in the past few years, and I don’t want him to, for health reasons as I have heard lots of men have bad experiences with long term effects, erectile dysfunction, severe long term pain, ..etc. ALSO because I want the OPTION there even if we choose not to use it, of having a baby. he said “it’s up to you?” and I said no, it’s up to you, but I think you would consider me.” and he said “i don’t want to have any more kids. I’m done. I’m __age” I said I just want the option there, even if we don’t use it. He said “well it can always be reversed..” as he’s walking out to the car. I said yes but you know how worried I am that it’s unhealthy, dangerous, etc. he said “I know….” and gave me a sad annoyed face and left.

    texted and called me that he gave the kid across the st money to cut our lawn. to check on him later.

    i called to ask if he wanted certain things done, because last time he got upset with ME that I didn’t make the man do the job well enough (i thought it was ok, but I guess not) so I wanted him to be more specific this time, so I asked a couple questions. then I let him know how good last night felt, etc…….. he said just don’t get confused, just because we had sex doesn’t mean we’re together- we don’t have a commitment, I don’t want a commitment right now. but if you can be ok with that, and with me seeing other people, we can date. …..

    i forget what else was said, but somehow when I expressed my good feelings briefly, he didn’t like it and shut down..something about the way I responded… about what I wanted. which was just expressing what I wanted, not saying he had to do it, but I must’ve done it wrong.

    I texted (oops leaning fwd?) after the conversation – that my stomach felt tight and I just wanted to express how good everything felt” which I did a little more just telling him I feel good! :) and he didn’t respond to that. i asked if he wanted the kid to do one other thing to the lawn that I wasn’t sure about, and a while later he responded “yes do that”…. no response to other text.

    I didn’t inform him about how the lawn fared, or anything else…. Intending to wait til he reached out for me.

    Instead, by evening, I felt it would be ok to reach out for him and give freely my love as long as I wasn’t expecting anything from him. I called, about 11:40, and hear him accidentally answer the phone and hang up. i hear … he texts (thankful for this, he answered, immediately) “at a bar, what’s up”

    15 mins later I texted “just saying I love you and ask for dada night night for baby (who was still not relaxed even after a long bath). would you like to come home tonight? your family and bed are here when you want to be held and loved. going to keep rocking baby to sleep! I LOVE YOU! (I know I know. I should have kept it short and not so leaning fwd). “Ps i managed to get the back yard mostly cut this evening even with baby out there!”

    I wish I had done a little better with this but I gave it a try…oops.

    10 mins later he said “Thanks for doing that. have a blessed evening”

    … (at least he feels enough responsibility for the yard that he said thanks. he still has attachment to our house).
    I felt SAD that he didn’t say I LOVE YOU back. And I was about to express it!! But I leaned forward being too out there when he was clearly a bit shut down.

    And I remember that rori says after a period of intense intimacy (which in our case is intimacy/checking in a little after him checking out)… that men sometimes will need some space.

    I will do my best to give him some space.

    Instead of expressing how sad I was that he didn’t say “I love you”, I sent gratitude right back that said “thank you for the quick response and kind and loving words.<3)"

    3 hours later, 3:15 in the morning, … (when he is unhappy with me he would go out a lot to bars/dancing etc. and stay out even though I couldn't go since baby most of the time, and will stay out ALLL NIGHT and not notify me – when he is happier with me he will let me know his plans around this time).

    so 3:15 came around and he said "guy friend is staying with me at tonight. Thanks for the

    “Invite. Give baby my love. See you soon!”

    urghgh and in my sleep state I said “:( i want you home. love you.”

    this morning I said good morning love! I feel loved and important getting goodnight messages when you go to sleep! Thank you for making me feel good.”

    ….. sooooo
    I leaned forward a bit more than I should’ve…
    and yes he was closed – I shouldn’t have contacted him after he left the house or after I clarified the lawn care..
    I guess because of our awkward interchange at home in the afternoon, he was too closed to hear my “i feel good” msgs – I just wanted to show him that no matter what, i felt good, so he could feel good too and not feel worried that I was *expecting* too much even if I do *want* it.

    … oh well.
    I think he’s feeling guarded but yet still was able to open to me a tiny bit – which is why he even ANSWERED my invitation to come home last evening.

    I will sink myself into his care right now and then go do something else!!

    Big updates. gosh. I always feel like there is so much to say top give a clear picture.

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 1:47pm

  130. 130: Silver-Tongued SirenNo Gravatar says:

    128 LK
    “a big 1 is… i feel afraid of being embarrassed in front of other women… especially by my man giving them more attention than Me. hmmm if i feel like this with cd ever… it will most likely be a Fluke or me Misinterpreting (i trust – but i’m awake & observing & tracking my feelings)…”

    I HATE feeling that way. I have been so …. humiliated by this!!

    … MILW doing things with other women when he has me/family at home to be with… yes I feel humiliated to put up with it, to try to work with him on it, i feel humiliated like that it must say that I am not good enough somehow.

    that feels bad. I have felt that way in the past. I feel that way a little bit now still.

    I hope that it is ALWAYS a fluke or misinterpretation for you!! :) In general, I think we should always assume the best of our partners/cds. :)

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 1:50pm

  131. 131: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Turquoise, yeah, we talked about it, and he said he’d make sure we see each other 3 times a week when he moves, and that he’d take all that responsibility on himself.

    I told him I don’t do long distance and that if he wanted me to keep dating him, i’d need to have that connection. So he offered that.

    It’s just weird. He’s being so sweet verbally, but I’m not FEELING it. I need to be touched and kissed. I asked for this a bazillion times. At this point, I feel like, well he’s failing to attract me, really…his problem, not mine, right?

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 1:51pm

  132. 132: lkNo Gravatar says:

    i’m trying to think… Love Courageously…. that’s big. Love Courageously. that makes me want to cry.

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 1:53pm

  133. 133: lkNo Gravatar says:

    @STS

    yes, assume the best… & share our boundaries.

    & also i do believe in myself & trust myself that i can make my partner aware of my triggers, so that they can be sensitive, while still taking 100% emotional responsibility for myself.

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 1:55pm

  134. 134: Silver-Tongued SirenNo Gravatar says:

    update on BF – still no response to my email about living situation there…… (exclusive or not, moving toward marriage or not etc). he has said before he doesn’t want to get married but you never know when he’ll change his mind.

    i had to ask though. i felt tired of this hanging in the air, tired of not knowing cause if he really was that into me and willing to take a chance, you never know, I MIGHT, too.

    maybe.

    but, no response. lots of fb updating on his part…… lots of posting links to news articles… and one posting of
    “”Vile and ingrate! too late shall thou repent
    The base injustice thou hast done my love:
    Yes, thou shalt know spite of thy past distress,
    And all those ills which thou so long hast mourn’d;
    Heav’n has no rage like love to hatred turned
    Nor hell a fury like a woman scorn’d.”
    The Mourning Bride, A tragedy by William Congreve”…

    I am not even going to attempt to read into that because it’s probably about him or something completely unrelated to me.
    Why am I even looking?
    because I know he puts things up purposely sometimes. stop looking!
    lol…

    I wonder what I should do though, since he hasn’t responded. I wonder if it has made him feel so shut down not knowing how to answer this question ….(and it doesn’t have to, it’s just a question, a big one yes, but he could treat it like “i am not ready for that now, etc”… but… yet he doesn’t say anything. which tells me that A)no he’s not ready? and B)he hesitates because he is afraid i won’t like what he has to say?

    I don’t know.
    Love you Sirens, I will check back later tonight!

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 1:57pm

  135. 135: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Yeah Starla…. if he’s not stepping up and giving you what you want/need, and have asked for…. then it is his problem.

    Next time he starts saying all those warm lovey things, could you say,

    I hear you saying that, but I’m not feeling it. Words without actions to support them, feel hollow to me. Or some variation of that?

    LIZKA! Go girl… and seriously, stop worrying about what other women think. If the 2 year ago guy isn’t married to her, then you sending him a text is no big deal. Seems like a lot of women treat you badly for no reason. I think those ladies in the office are saying those things to you on purpose.

    This is the kind of stuff that makes me want to play games, like send flowers to myself. So word gets back to atw through them.

    Hmmph, I feel mad at those work people for you.

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 2:00pm

  136. 136: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you everybody for your comments last night. You really helped me to start my “attack” in a positive sireny way!

    I was absolutely furious with TH when he came home. OMG I was shaking I was sooo mad!!!

    And I told him that. I said I felt really angry and upset and felt unimportant and that I want to feel loved and cherished and wanted.

    He was all over me at this point and I wasn’t buying it.

    I was also a little unsireny in expressing how I felt but I wasn’t yelling and I wasn’t throwing accusations at him the whole time at least.

    I mentioned the money and he hasn’t even spent it apart from a little last night. And then I asked what the real reason was for not inviting me to the music festival. He said he just wanted to go with the boys.

    So then we had a conversation about that and I told him I was perfectly ok with him wanting to do “boy stuff” sometimes. And I will do “girl stuff” too. And I told him how bad it felt to be told he couldn’t afford to take me then be asked to withdraw $1500 in two days. Ouch.

    He was very apologetic and telling me how wonderful, sexy and fantastic I am (we already KNOW that, duh!)…

    And I then mentioned today and how he was going to the races, so he had even more boy time happening there, and then he said “I’m not going to the races. I’m coming with you to B’s party”. What?????

    Originally he told me he wouldn’t be going – my ex will be there, some of my ex’s family, some of my family and a heap of my girlfriends, so I did the whole “Learn to take no for an answer” thing at the time and dropped it considering I knew he would hate every second of it!

    So I was kind of shocked that he chose to come with me to the party instead of doing “boy stuff”.

    And then he asked me to turn on my laptop (we often watch TV shows in bed from the laptop and I was thinking this was NOT a good time for TV watching!).

    He told me to go to FB and update my relationship status.

    Now, most of you are probably thinking “So what?”. But for TH this is huge. MASSIVE. He is such a private person, such an introvert that I never thought he’d be up for it – especially because we have a heap of work people on FB! He also told me to make sure I say it’s him and he’ll approve it in the morning (this morning) so it appears on his profile too.

    I then brought up the baby thing and how I understand he’ll need more time to think about that, and he told me that all he wants is to be with me. Nobody else. I asked what about MW and he said “I don’t want to be with her. I want you and only you. You are the only one I want to be with.”.

    He also thanked me for always being there – always being someone for him to come home to. He said it meant a lot to him. So I do feel kind of appreciated for that part. And he also went on about how beautiful and sexy I am and all of the things he says only rarely.

    I’m still feeling stunned about the FB thing, but a little secure that he’s about to finally (after almost two years!) tell the world about us.

    I know we still have a long way to go, but I am very sure that he could sense just how mad I was even though I didn’t lose it with him last night. I’ve never been that mad at him before. And I think that maybe he thought he might lose me if he didn’t do something different. And he was right. I was so ready to walk last night.

    His family (including his mother, sister and brother) are on FB too. This will be interesting! Haha! He tells them NOTHING, so this will shock them I think!

    Today I feel so much happier and finally my breathing has returned to normal!

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 2:02pm

  137. 137: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:

    Memulo, I haven’t had time – have been reading bits and pieces and I have to read STS’s posts tomorrow… Can’t do it now, I am on my cell getting ready to go to M’s. I will posts some scripts as soon as I can. I posted one to Brenda I believe earlier today.

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 2:04pm

  138. 138: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Silver Tongue – it helps me to drop the “debates” as to why he ‘should’ do for me

    I catch myself and STOP go directly to feeling messages.

    that doesn’t feel good. i dont want to drive over there.

    it doesnt feel good TO ME to meet up iwht a man when im not being picked up. Silence.

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 2:04pm

  139. 139: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Turquoise –

    ” How do you be open and warm and receptive, and still keep them on their toes

    Wonderring about the same too… I think ATW is pretty sure he can have no matter what…

    If someone has suggestions, I’m really open to it…

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 2:06pm

  140. 140: elleNo Gravatar says:

    Lizka, maybe you can make your own list so that you can remind yourself not to let your mind get out of hand when you are away from one another. I have to admit that I have re read my list a couple of times today. So far it is really working for me. I feel calm. I feel his love even though he isn’t with me and somehow I just know that I will get through this weekend ok.

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 2:11pm

  141. 141: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    I imagine myself as a woodland goddess rooted to the rock i live on, men have to come to ME to worship and bring garlands of flowers, smoke and food offerings

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 2:12pm

  142. 142: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Lizka – yes!!! don’t let him come over last minute!!!

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 2:13pm

  143. 143: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    say oh it feels so rushed… it would feel so good to see you… im free on:

    that boundary can determine whether he’s a step up guy or poofs… and it will get you used to being treated better

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 2:15pm

  144. 144: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    whoa deep! fairness is big for me.. i wonder if i can tap and eliminate this paradigm… WOW THEN!

    :: The Myth of Fairness ::

    There’s nothing natural about our notions of
    *fairness*.

    If you play checkers with a 2-year-old, he won’t
    perceive any unfairness when you randomly take
    his checkers off the board, nor would he feel
    the slightest guilt in taking yours.

    Such things don’t seem unfair until we are
    *taught* the arbitrary rules of the game and
    accept them as “the way things are.” Then we feel
    a sense of violation when the rules are broken:
    “That’s not fair!”

    Children often enjoy being “mischievous” because
    breaking arbitrary rules helps them reconnect with
    the truth that Authentic Power lies not in the
    rules but in themselves.

    Today, when you observe an apparent injustice,
    pretend there’s no such thing as fair/unfair.
    It just IS. You’ll discover that when there’s no
    injustice to fight against, all that’s left to do
    is reach for your heart’s desire.

    http://dailygroove.net/myth-of-fairness

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 2:17pm

  145. 145: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Turquoise -

    “This is the kind of stuff that makes me want to play games, like send flowers to myself. So word gets back to atw through them.”

    What a lovely idea… I know its game, but it’s gonna make me feel so good so why not! :)

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 2:19pm

  146. 146: FlowerChild77No Gravatar says:

    Lizka…I’m not sure, either. I still have a problem (at times) leaning back and not getting detached and kind of ‘cold.’ I don’t mean to, but it’s hard for me to find the right balance—especially when I’m around him and not getting what I need.

    I think it’s a protective/survival response to shut down so it doesn’t hurt so much.

    Sigh…I’m such a baby Siren. I admire all of you to no end <3

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 2:22pm

  147. 147: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you Daria… I won’t let him make last minute plan this weekend. Sometimes they are good, but this weekend I want to have plans. And I want to feel different from all the girls who are doing anything they want. I want to be a siren…

    elle – yes I will work on my own list tonight as soon as i get home. Good idea! I’ll post it here! Thank you for inspiration!

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 2:23pm

  148. 148: lkNo Gravatar says:

    I don’t “get” what to do… when another woman is flirting with my Man… & he is being Polite. It’s infuriating !!! right ?

    what does a siren do ?

    Not flirt with the other woman. that’s like, yeah ! you are really cute ! go on… you deserve my lovely Man

    : (

    Also, not Compete…..

    But maybe be a boundary ? be a physical boundary ?

    Go up & put a hand on his back & smile & out-girl ?

    I would do that if really a line got crossed for me somewhere…. Like, i’d go over, put a hand & be sweet & then whisper to my man when the lady was gone, hey baby, i feel bad when ladies do that to my man… what do you think ? & he’d probably grab my bum & make out with me : ) lol

    ummmm….

    wow, actually i think i could even say to the girl separately… “i feel a little silly saying this, because i really believe you’re such a sweet girl & wouldn’t want me to feel sad or uncomfortable…. but i feel weird seeing other women touch my Man like that or whatever… & i don’t want to feel unsafe… what do you think?”

    um um um

    ok but what do i do if it’s just baby-ish & he’s smiling & she’s being just a bit Too Much for me….

    that’s my stuff. eek. i have to do it alone ? you have to do it alone i think… how ? ummm……

    ok, so just put the focus back on Me – not Him or Her. & pour love on all of us. & let it go ?

    i feel it’s Dangerous to “let it go”…. possibly after the situation, i could just say, baby i felt….. when…. & leave it at that ? maybe i can ask CD what he thinks about this…

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 2:24pm

  149. 149: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Yeah Lizka… send yourself some flowers to work. :) Have the card just signed something poetic, with a letter, not a name. or just something like,

    ” I can’t stop thinking about you!”

    J

    (or whatever letter doesn’t start with his name :)

    Those people are trying to get under your skin. I love that you put on your earphones. :)

    I’m curious which one he is, I tried looking at your friends list, but realized ATW is around the world guy..lol, not his initals. :)

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 2:26pm

  150. 150: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Yeah Lizka… send yourself some flowers to work. :) Have the card just signed something poetic, with a letter, not a name. or just something like,

    ” I can’t stop thinking about you!”

    J

    (or whatever letter doesn’t start with his name :)

    Those people are trying to get under your skin. I love that you put on your earphones. :)

    I’m curious which one he is, I tried looking at your friends list, but realized ATW is around the world guy..lol, not his initals. :)

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 2:26pm

  151. 151: lkNo Gravatar says:

    i’m a woodland goddess rooted to the rock i live on….

    another woman speaks to my Shrine Partner… my Care-Taker…

    what do i care ? i don’t even notice : )

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 2:27pm

  152. 152: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Turquoise when I’ll get home I’ll connext to fB chat amd show you wich one he is. We have a lot of pics together. I’ll be there in 15 minutes. :) you’re cute. I’ll definitely send the flowers next week probably! :)

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 2:30pm

  153. 153: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Lk – i think Rori mentioned in one program that in such a situation a secure woman can actually Yes flirt and engage with the woman herself…

    oh i feel overhwhelmed i feel shaky just imagining it… babysteps

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 2:30pm

  154. 154: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Lizka – in the spirit of being authentic, i would not send myself a fake message… but i /WOULD SO SEND MyseLF ?FLOWERS!!

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 2:35pm

  155. 155: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Lk – rori has a tool where you imagine the man in front of you, you leaning back, him leaning in, all his energy and attention on you, smiling…

    then you add in other women around, walking past , thrugh yall, maybe to him talking to him… and practice still feeling HIS ENERGY FULLY COMING towards you

    then add in other men aroudn too, and still feel his energy fully coming towards you

    etc

    ive had some times when using this tool this felt like a real Powerful shift for me

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 2:37pm

  156. 156: lkNo Gravatar says:

    i don’t want to flirt with the other woman, daria.

    i feel gross hearing that honestly…

    & i feel gross noticing my own reaction !

    i don’t want to “validate” the Other Woman’s attraction

    : (((

    except actually, now i’m thinking of it, usually when this happens, CD will try to “pass” the interaction on to me, so that I have to talk to the girl…. & actually, i do “flirt” only *I* am the girl — OH i get it.

    thanks, daria : ) you’re a jewel. really, truly a jewel. & i would be pxssed if you talked to my man in any way other than the way you talk to a pastor/brother/etc. LOL i’m a little hormonal & cr8zy but i love myself so much anyway. i love myself radically & unconditionally.

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 2:38pm

  157. 157: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Daria – 153

    I can send a very authentic message that can sounds confusing for others lile ” you are so beautiful Lizka I lobe you” hehe

    No?

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 2:41pm

  158. 158: FlowerChild77No Gravatar says:

    I might be wrong about this, but when a man is talking to a woman and his wife/gf sees it and comes running up and calls him “honey” or makes some physical gesture–what I see is the wife/gf being very insecure like she has to go claim her guy in a big way in front of this other woman. (Usually makes me go ‘ick.’)

    On the other hand, this is not something I have to worry about ever, at all. So maybe I am being too objective about it, not having to experience those jealous, fearful feelings.

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 2:42pm

  159. 159: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Or “Lizka you are beautiful and funny woman. Yours forever…”

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 2:42pm

  160. 160: LuzydelNo Gravatar says:

    I feel lonely; but it is not because I am not Cding, but because Cd too much before. I lost touch with myself, and I miss me. I cried, I sort of screwed up with “S”, I should have left him alone, “D” sucks and I am going to call “OK” because he is my best friend. My ex husband did something amazing for me today. I am so thankful for that. Still I feel nostalgic and lonely…I crave for such a connection that is so difficult to find.

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 2:42pm

  161. 161: lkNo Gravatar says:

    oh i love the imagining tool with the energy : )

    i can do that too i feel unstable or shaky

    thank you, daria

    i feel a little odd & ashamed that i have so much Upset about this… but i suppose i have a little Belief that Women Steal Men still… & actually, that happens…. but it’s ok. i love everyone radically & unconditionally, & i can only do that if i do it for myself first.

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 2:42pm

  162. 162: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    lk – that thing is a big deal for me. i freeze up and get shaky mad. im close to losing it and cho9ckin a bi8ch out sometimes but usually i shut it down to silence

    i want to heal this

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 2:45pm

  163. 163: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    ok haha this is taken from a text message conversation with a “crazy” lady. Just thought I’d share because I know we’ve ALL done this one way or another in our lives with a man;)

    http://imgur.com/a/r5kEb

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 2:45pm

  164. 164: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    So a guy on POF contacted me but lives a couple of hours away from me.

    I said something like ‘It feels nice of you to say that and you look lovely and I feel disappointed that you live so far away. I don’t want long distance dating.
    What do you think?’

    To which he replied

    “well, i have always said that distance should’nt be an obstacle for two souls that love each other, they should put up the effort to meet and see how things goes, as we have seen most people now adays meet their other half from different countries and decide to move there. perhaps you have a different openion to it, do you agree with me?”

    I feel like ‘errrr, NO!!!!’

    And what is this cra8p about two souls who love each other????

    This is like our second e-mail!

    Hmmph.

    Feeling grumpy.

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 2:45pm

  165. 165: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Lizka – HELL YEAH :) that is the TRUTH!

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 2:46pm

  166. 166: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i feel jealous… i want to get love flowers from myself with an I love you Daria message…

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 2:46pm

  167. 167: lkNo Gravatar says:

    & actually i did that the other day & this girl was being all WOWEEEE LOOK LISTEN I’M WEARING A CROPPED TIGHT SWEAT SUIT & A HOOTERS SHIRT & MY TUMMY SHOWS HOORAH & i was just listening at Level 2 so i didn’t get distracted by the outfit… & was saying, “wow i’d feel so….” etc., just reacting “normally” & i did notice that the other man listening to the conversation had his energy on Me — which i did think was odd, since I was the hush-hush girly softy one…. but now that interaction makes more sense.

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 2:46pm

  168. 168: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    Iamabutterfly – I don’t want to be picky, but I love David Deida’s work, and his work IS NOT Double Your Dating. This would be David D’Angelo.

    My absolute favorite book by DD is Dear Lover. I highly recommend to any and all.

    xxoo

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 2:50pm

  169. 169: lkNo Gravatar says:

    awwww & now i feel ALL sweetened, because i just saw 2 coworkers & practiced girl-flirting with them & i was so happy doing it : ) & also, it wasn’t competitive or anything & i felt very natural & sweet Gushing on 1 of them !!! just saying, “wow, i think you’re so cute”

    & now i’m off to a Happy Hour to continue my never-ending Practice lol… will report back as to how my evening of girl-flirting works out….

    lean back, listen, share truth in feeling messages : )

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 2:52pm

  170. 170: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Daria -

    I will send flowers with a love note to myself and sign “L”. “L” for Lizka… :)

    L is not the first letter of my first name, so it’s confusing for others, but still the truth since “L” is the siren me :)

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 2:54pm

  171. 171: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Lizka

    “Ok breath Lizka… ATW is not Ironman… Give him a chance. You can trust him”

    No, but you can trust you!

    Esp if you keep CD-ing.

    I feel for you because I know how it can be to have such a triggering situation from the past which comes right back and can trigger us in the present.

    It can be very powerful and needs lots of gentle healing and love from you and the men you date…

    That must have felt awful to be in that situation with Ironman.

    Thank Goodness you are a Brilliant Siren now and can love and CD date till its all better and you feel better and more relaxed!

    I don’t know about this one man, but I feel sure that you will get the love and relationship that you want.

    xoxox

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 2:55pm

  172. 172: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    STARLA – OMG!! LOOL!!

    did u see the “accidental”hey mike i made it home safely text

    HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAA :D

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 2:56pm

  173. 173: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    Starla that was priceless, thank you for a good laugh (or cry). Frankly, have not done that but had my doubts at times :)

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 2:56pm

  174. 174: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    Daria, I did not realize what was the hey Mike text doing there until your post lol

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 2:58pm

  175. 175: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Lizka – Rori talks about the man experiencing you as different. Your leaning back will cause him to think about you. Even if it wonder why you are not throwing yourself at him like the other girls. This will be mysterious to him and raise your attraction factor.

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 2:59pm

  176. 176: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    171 Daria yeah she accidentally”””” texts her girl friend about the date too.

    i’ve actually been on the receiving end of this from a guy. but i’ve so done this. it felt right at the time. never again though!!!!

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 2:59pm

  177. 177: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    Good chatting to you on FB this morning Lizka. I hope you’re able to take your mind off things tonight! xxx

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 3:00pm

  178. 178: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    SA,

    Thank you, please take your time, no pressure about the scripts! Not sure I found the one for Brenda, unless its the one saying how good it feels to be connected and not good to be disconnected LOL. Sorry, such a simple idea but apparently works! :)

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 3:00pm

  179. 179: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    aaaaaaand there’s another one, texting me to ask me out.

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 3:01pm

  180. 180: LuzydelNo Gravatar says:

    Do Soul mates Really Exist?

    http://www.the-soulmate-site.com/do-soulmates-exist.html

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 3:02pm

  181. 181: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    His boy has a bday tomorrow. My intention is to ignore and say happy bday in person next time I see him. Hope it’s not impolite?

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 3:03pm

  182. 182: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Also Lizka why would I want a man that only I want? I would wonder if there was something wrong with one of us.

    If everyone is flocking around him and he is choosing me, how powerful and esteem boosting is that.

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 3:03pm

  183. 183: FlowerChild77No Gravatar says:

    THANK YOU to whoever posted the link with the list of Feeling Words <3

    I looked, but couldn't find the post/poster.

    I'm going to print this out and keep it with me and up somewhere in the house where I'll see it a lot.

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 3:06pm

  184. 184: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    memulo, that’s not impolite. and you shouldn’t be leaning forward really in any way.

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 3:07pm

  185. 185: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    “I can’t wait till I have a man in my bed, greeting me with love every morning. And I can’t wait till we’re going to sleep together, and I can’t wait to experience all that love before we fall asleep”

    Gina I don’t know why I am triggered by the “I can’t wait”. I am tweaking it in my mind

    “it would feel amazing to have a man in my bed, greeting me with love every morning. I would feel ecstatic going to sleep together with him, and it would be fabulous to experience all that love coming at me before we fall asleep.”

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 3:08pm

  186. 186: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    wow Kenya is coming on soooo strong (not really, he’s just not giving up very easily even though i’m all booked up), it actually makes me a little angry. what’s up with that?

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 3:08pm

  187. 187: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Remember when you lean forward you end up pushing the man out of the relationship bubble. There is only so much space in the bubble.

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 3:09pm

  188. 188: Silver-Tongued SirenNo Gravatar says:

    136 Butterfly wings!

    WOW, that took me completely by surprise!!! How fantastic! he wants to go to the party with you and I LOVE how he asked you to update your rlsp status!!! Amazing!!!! You’re doing something right!!! <3<3<3

    137 – Daria – Yesss I know I didn't even think of it in the moment – went straight to explaining instead of FM! Thanks for the reminder!!!

    148 -lk – i would like to see other siren's responses to this.. I am not sure. I have handled it in a few different ways… that haven't been very effective I think..

    155 Daria –
    "Lk – rori has a tool where you imagine the man in front of you, you leaning back, him leaning in, all his energy and attention on you, smiling…

    then you add in other women around, walking past , thrugh yall, maybe to him talking to him… and practice still feeling HIS ENERGY FULLY COMING towards you

    then add in other men aroudn too, and still feel his energy fully coming towards you

    etc

    ive had some times when using this tool this felt like a real Powerful shift for me"

    Thanks for this tool – I have a hard time visualizing these practices esp with little baby-free time….. but this sounds like a great idea.

    169 LK –
    wow, girly flirting.. i should practice this..hmm.

    I am a bit mad that i saw the other night that a girl connected to me (but not "friends exactly) messaged my man "oh you didn't get my number the other night did you? well you should have, it's **********. I loved rubbing your head the other night, etc… I think she said "hope to see you again soon" (or maybe he did, not sure). then she said "oh you sexy sexy man!"..ugh i feel disgusted and angry.

    and well, he is a sexy sexy man. I just am angry that my community doesn't support and respect FAMILY more. :( sick of all this partying. they don't care about anything! they don't even THINK about our kids or me. even worse when they do and just don't care anyway.

    ok cut!

    166 Daria! I want flowers too! I considered this the other day. lol.. I wish I had $ to deliver flowers to myself! expensive! I could even buy them and a vase and note for myself, but ..still more $ than I really have. Once or twice wouldn't hurt though, eh? :D nothing like making them wonder and making me feel good.

    168 Dominique – I've never heard of David Deida. Now I am curious to look him up later!

    Okay! In the middle of cleaning house! kitchen done, vaccuming in progress, washing sofa cushion covers (cross your fingers they stay the normal size – we've washed them once – it's an expensive couch – MILW would kill me! – butr baby has written in ballpoint pen all over them so I have to wash them.)

    be back later!

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 3:10pm

  189. 189: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Starla – annoyed or angry?

    What is there to be angry about when you stick by your boundaries?

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 3:10pm

  190. 190: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    FW, I honestly have no idea. but yeah i feel angry.

    or maybe i feel sexually frustrated.

    i’m not sure??????

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 3:13pm

  191. 191: Silver-Tongued SirenNo Gravatar says:

    185 FW:
    “Gina I don’t know why I am triggered by the “I can’t wait”. I am tweaking it in my mind

    “it would feel amazing to have a man in my bed, greeting me with love every morning. I would feel ecstatic going to sleep together with him, and it would be fabulous to experience all that love coming at me before we fall asleep.””

    FW – yes.. i was also.. and I still have trouble with “it would” because it implies you don’t yet have it.

    … that is why I always use “I intend” in my affirmations, …
    but… that doesn’t feel as good here..
    .. that is why I have been thinking about focusing with gratitude on what I DO have, which then hopefully will naturally send more of what I want my way.
    And maybe envisioning the situation you are “wanting” in your mind and how it feels..

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 3:14pm

  192. 192: Silver-Tongued SirenNo Gravatar says:

    what does everyone think about this?

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 3:14pm

  193. 193: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Butterfly Wings he must find your anger sexy. I would immortalize this moment in my cells by really sinking into the feeling I had last night at the point when I had made up my mind that I was ready to walk. It is possible that he felt your vibe or smelled what was going on as your confidence level soaring. You might need this again in the future.

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 3:17pm

  194. 194: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    Yes no intention to lean fwd whatsoever

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 3:18pm

  195. 195: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    I agree STS. It feels vibrationally higher to me.

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 3:19pm

  196. 196: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    I always wonder what the he!@!ll is sexually frustrated? Does it mean horny? Or that the man cannot satisfy?

    Then again should we be depending on a man to satisfy?

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 3:20pm

  197. 197: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    FW thank you this is cheerful!

    “If everyone is flocking around him and he is choosing me, how powerful and esteem boosting is that.”

    The only thing I can’t help myself thinking right now is that he haven’t choose ME yet… We’re still just “started” dating again after 6 months break up…

    He might be afraid that I go back as the crazy unsireny girl I use to be and choose another “new” girl who feels more “refreshing”…

    NVvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvs!!!!

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 3:21pm

  198. 198: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Starla when was the last time you did the vampire scream?

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 3:21pm

  199. 199: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    So Lizka you use your mind to visualize what you want and you act “as if”.

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 3:22pm

  200. 200: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    OMG the blog is going so fast tonight!! Sorry If I forget anyone who is replying to me!!!

    Ella – The situation with Ironman was not that bad in that time because I was SO madly in love with him and I just didn’t matter… But I think unconsciously it hurt me and I feel it now…

    I will explain the whole situation about Ironman very soon…

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 3:24pm

  201. 201: LuzydelNo Gravatar says:

    I guess what bothers me is to think that I have failed on finding and or keeping a relationship because I did or did not do something. I would like to think that it wasn’t my time. I am no more or less inviting that any woman who doesn’t read this blog and they have men who are by their feet. These women are bossy, demanding and not Feminine, they lean forward, call the guy all the time, use the wrong words, but still they have serious relationships. Perhaps it just a timing issue? nothing to do with using tools, FMs etc?

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 3:24pm

  202. 202: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    FW, a couple weeks ago. I’m feeling a big heavy concrete ball of SOMETHING in me. A siren suggested off-blog that I listen to heavy metal and break sh*t. I think I will.

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 3:25pm

  203. 203: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    BTW Starla it just occured to me. Could Kenya possibly be turning the waterwheel of love towards you? Or is it just you so focussed on pushing it away because you want the attention from one particular man? Is the Universe sending too much love your way? Is it time to reset your themostat?

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 3:25pm

  204. 204: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    FW 198

    Good idea, I’ll try this

    So I will start acting as if he was stepping up 10x more than he already does. And as if I was the only woman he could see. And as if I was the air he needed to breath. As if he was thinking of me every second of the day…

    That feels great. Thank yoU!

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 3:27pm

  205. 205: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    FW 198

    Good idea, I’ll try this

    So I will start acting as if he was stepping up 10x more than he already does. And as if I was the only woman he could see. And as if I was the air he needed to breath. As if he was thinking of me every second of the day…

    That feels great. Thank yoU!

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 3:27pm

  206. 206: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    You something Luzydel I feel drained by your energy. It seems you are focussing on the wrong things. Also how do you know what happens behind closed doors with these women? How do you know their relationships are successful?

    I have a friend coming over tonight to borrow Reconnect. The last time I saw her with her husband they seemed happily married posing for pictures. But somehow I picked up something in her vibe so I texted to say happy valentine’s on Tuesday and was told that she was not feeling it because she is talked down to and feel unwanted. Don’t ever assume anything about any relationship is what I have learned, people are good at faking. Believe what you want, dismiss me if you wish but it seems to me like you are doing yourself a disservice. Most of the times I experience you as being in your head rather than your heart and have mentioned in the past that I feel I disconnected from you.

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 3:30pm

  207. 207: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    202 FW, thank you for the thought provokers. I think this is about my thermostat for receiving and bliss. I couldn’t even handle all the intense verbal love CF was offering me without needing something different. I feel guilty. I am feeling like this is just as much my fault, now. I’m just pushing CF away like this.

    At the same time, going from anger to guilt to anger to guilt is pretty standard emotional dysregulation pattern. Not sure what to do here to make it “right”.

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 3:41pm

  208. 208: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Re 162

    OMG!!!!!!

    Please tell me they are not real text.

    I was just cringing in my seat saying NOOOOOO! Please put down the phone.

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 3:45pm

  209. 209: SusanNo Gravatar says:

    Although this is funny… It really isn’t. This link shows a set of texts a guy got after ONE date with a girl. Let’s NOT bee this girl!

    http://pleated-jeans.com/2012/02/17/this-crazy-girls-texting-tops-them-all/

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 3:46pm

  210. 210: SusanNo Gravatar says:

    Oh! Starla, you already posted that! My bad!

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 3:47pm

  211. 211: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    BTW Starla I am having a hard time understanding why you say 1 hour is long distance. I do that to work everyday because of traffic and when there is no traffic it is about 40-45 minutes. So I am estimating that he is moving a little over 40 miles away. Do you mind telling me why you see it as long distance?

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 3:47pm

  212. 212: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    For guilt Rori recommends forgiving yourself in Reconnect. Just put your hand on your heart and send forgiveness to yourself “you are your own healer”.

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 3:49pm

  213. 213: LuzydelNo Gravatar says:

    FW, we have women here for over a year; using all the tools, going around circles, leaning forward, backward, feeling messages, Cding, and they come back to the same and do the same thing over again. I guess I am triggering you, (good) your somber attitude annoys me also (not picking on you, just expressing). You get things out of readings, books, articles. It seems so robotic to me.

    I love my mess inside of me, I am feeling an internal revolution right now, and I am giving myself permission to question, NOT to accept things before looking at them from different angles.

    I am not going to apologize for how I make myself feel better!!!

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 3:50pm

  214. 214: siren songNo Gravatar says:

    Oh gosh, that woman’s texts make me feel uncomfortable.

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 3:53pm

  215. 215: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    it’s an hour up the highway. In a different area code. :’(

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 3:56pm

  216. 216: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Don’t apologize Luzydel.

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 3:57pm

  217. 217: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Urgh,

    I just noticed icky insecurity feelings coming up in me.

    MWC earlier texted that he could do with a hug… and then that he was feeling lonely and missing me and can’t wait to see me.

    He hasn’t planned a time to meet though.

    I reckon he is assuming that I will go home with him after work tomorrow night.

    Which I would like to do cus I want to be near him and be cuddled.

    But, I feel worried of feeling taken for granted if I say yes to last minute invites to stay over that are not dates.

    So then he may ask to see me the next night.

    But that will still be last minute, and so it means that I will have to wait ages to see him and be cuddled again.

    Hmph.

    Grrr.

    Finding it hard to balance going with the flow with having boundaries and being of high value.

    And also that ‘friend’ who he has, that smoozes all over him, and who ws so off with me when I met her, keeps popping into my head. Uninvited.

    I mean I have no doubt I am no 1. And that he wouldn’t prioritise her, and I still feel weird about it when I have not seen him for a few days.

    Sheesh.

    I have seen other women on here posting about similar things and I know the asnwer is to take bigger picture thinking.

    To vote for me.

    Sirens need not worry our pretty heads about such minor trivia!

    I AM THE GODDESS SIREN OF THE RED PASSION.

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 3:58pm

  218. 218: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    FW reminds me of the Siren Brett in Hemingway’s “The Sun Also Rises”
    The lovely Lady Ashley:D

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 3:59pm

  219. 219: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    I feel like spamming the blog with my love story with Ironman.

    Not because I want to “inform” you about it, but mostly for me. Because it’s gonna help to shift my vibe, because I always feel better when I think of him.

    VERY IMPORTANT: Please do not judge anything you will read here. This was waaaay before I was a diren and YES I did a lot of mistake. If it was today, things would be so different but I always had a feeling that he will be back one day and I am not feeling in a rush. I have all the time in the world…

    Since the second time I saw Ironman, I tought he was the man of my life. It’s the craziest love story I have ever live and I remember every detail of it, every date of break up, flower sent, every reconciliation, every word, everything!

    Yes it ended up badly and dramatically, but when I think of it, I feel good.

    So if I write this here tonight, it’s really for me. If you want to comment, feel free to do it and I’ll be happy to talk about it, but I’m not writing our story to get feedback or anything. Just to shift my vibe after this afternoon event.

    *****

    So we met on June 12th 2007.

    With Bestfriend #1, I was doing a casting for a very popular reality show we are having here. It’s a dating show. There is 6 girls and 6 guys and they do romantic activities and eliminate each other in order to make one couple. And they win a house, 2 cars, furniture, a trip, etc.

    I met him while I was filling the papers for the casting. He said “hey, do you know what date it is today?”. He was also with his best friend.

    In the waiting room, he came to sit next to me. While we were filling up the questionnaire, he was looking at my answers and we realised we had so many similar answer and were both feeling amazed by it. I went to smoke outside with Bestfriend #1 and I let him my phone number so he can call me if it was my time to go to the casting.

    So bla bla bla casting bla bla bla going back home…

    The SAME night, me and my girlfriend have nothing to do and want to go downtown for drinks. We decide to invite Ironman and his sexy friend with us. Answer: “Sorry, there’s the 3 day rules before contacting a girl”. Wuuuut? I got so turned off!!

    So I immediately stop thinking of him and thought, whatever, his loss.

    But TWO days later I got a message from him inviting me for a date… hehe 3 days rule my @ss !!

    So first date goes ok, I’m not extremely impressed by him, and he kissed me way too early. We were not there yet. (He told me later that he indeed felt he kissed me too early but that he was so turned on by me!!). He then invited me to go watch a movie to his place. I said no because I don’t want to be in a situation where I would have to feel pressured to sleep with him. he convinced me to go anyway and was very sweet and didn’t try anything.

    He felt asleep during the movie so I got all my things and got ready to leave. And this is EXACTLY when I new he was the One and I would be soon in love with him (yeah I know it was early, but I didn’t mistaken). He woke up all cute and a little lost and ask “so when am I gonna see you again?” oh it was soooo cute and awww :)

    Second date, he met me on the mountain and broke all my dreams. Lol. He was super into me, we were already having a very intense relationship, telling each other how surprised we were to have find each other, like if we were soulmates…

    And he told me about The Game.

    For those who don’t know what The Game is, it’s a book (by Neil Strauss), a coaching program for men to learn how to “pick up” women. It’s interesting and awful at the same time. And it’s apparently working very well. They have all a community of Pick Up Artists, with blogs, seminars, coaching, just like us…

    And he told me he was really into it and wanted to become a coach… So he couldn’t have a committed and exclusive relationship. Because he wanted to experiment on as many women as possible. He wanted to flirt, and not have to stop before kissing… he wanted to have as many women as possible in his bed. He told me. Just like that. Very honnest. I would not be his girl friend. Ever. He was believing in MLTR (Multiple long term relationship). he needed to experiment in order to become a good coach later…

    He asked me if it was ok with him. I said I didn’t know. He said he would always tell me the truth. If I ever asked something, he would be honnest and if I didn’t want to know, I just had to not ask. So that’s how I learned to not ask questions…

    That night, I slept with him just because I was so attracted to him but I knew I would never see him again… because I did not wanted to be in this weird relationship. I was already falling in love with him…

    So I didn’t call him. He came back to me… He called me and asked to see me again. But thing haven’t changed for him, but with his “manipulation”, he got me to change my mind about him.

    Summer 2007 was the best summer of my life. We were together almost every day. Doing activities just like couples do. Festivals, and drinks on patios, and camping, and yes yes… very depraved sex… lol

    I knew I was the only one he was seeing. it was impossible he was seeing someone else because he was spending all his time with ME! I was really happy with the situation and not really worried about other girls…

    (will post in another post because it’s gonna be a too long post)

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 4:01pm

  220. 220: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Starla I guess it depends on where you live. Here in New York that is nothing. It might be that you are looking at it through the lens of you not having a car. Different area code/zip code is every day life to me. Only the snow is mainly a hindrance.

    You are being a girl wanting him by your side all the time. Remember absence makes the heart grow fonder. He also made some promises and I guess is hoping that you trust him to come through on it. Remember if you end up together for the long haul you will hit some serious bumps in the road later on. This will show him how you will handle those. I also encourage you to show yourself how you will handle those.

    I am not saying to give up on your boundaries. Just wondering if your frame around this could change in any way?

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 4:02pm

  221. 221: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    FW, I get what you’re saying. I’m actually from NYC/Long Beach, LI originally.

    I will be reframing for sure. And also not getting complacent about focusing on me and CDing

    Kenya is going to try again to escort me home.

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 4:04pm

  222. 222: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    The lovely lady Ashley. That feels like music to my ears. A real royal Goddess.

    Makes me feel like I can exude feminine grace. Thank you thank you thank you.

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 4:05pm

  223. 223: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    But to be clear, I live in the Rocky Mountain West now.

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 4:06pm

  224. 224: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Long Beach. Hey that’s not too far from me. As a matter of fact the beach over there is one of my favorite places for dates during the summer time. I love to sit by the water at nights. It feels so peaceful to me just listening to the water.

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 4:07pm

  225. 225: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Need to CD but there is no one left in my rotation anymore…

    Partly my fault and mainly them being flaky!

    Urghh.

    How do I re-fill my rotation super quick?

    Or, how do I stay centred and calm in the meanwhile?

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 4:07pm

  226. 226: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    :) I miss the boardwalk there. I took a boyfriend back there once, to visit my uncle and his family, but my boyfriend kept putting his finger in my butt crack at the dinner table, and it was really annoying.

    Great story, huh?

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 4:09pm

  227. 227: JillyNo Gravatar says:

    oh my hell..that is hilarious…yet sad :)….it happens :/

    I am CDing my roommie…we are going to see The Vow tonight :)

    I am liking the question of staying open and warm yet mysterious (keeping them on their toes) at the same time….

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 4:09pm

  228. 228: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Jilly, i feel excited about your plans tonight. I think I am going to take myself to see the vow this weekend. you have inspired me!

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 4:11pm

  229. 229: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    K,

    I just replied to a few messages.

    I will just focus on lovely me anyway.

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 4:15pm

  230. 230: JillyNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks Starla :) I feel excited to see it…and to feel girly and sappy

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 4:17pm

  231. 231: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    awww. ella, you are so lovely! enjoy!

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 4:18pm

  232. 232: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Oh BTW, when he told me about MLTR, he told me I HAD to do it too or it wouldn’t be fair. So he encouraged me to date other guys.

    But things switched when something happened when one night he planned something with me and by mistake, with another girl… and he finaly went with the other girl.

    I was so mad and I cried my life and told him I didn’t want to see me.

    And the next morning, I received flowers. When I saw him later that day, he told me he was “afraid for us”…

    Now that I think of it, he was probably really in love with me at that time…

    but things started to get complicated when I said for the 1st time I had enough of that and I stopped everything…

    After 1 week he called me back, and yes, I accepted to came back even if he was not ready to give up on his MLTR…

    I was working in a bar at that time as a bartender. A very big club we have downtown in my city. DjCD was working there too, as a DJ, but I was not dating him yet.

    So in November, Ironman was looking for a job and I told him he could do marketing for the club and I introduced him to my boss… So DjCD, Ironman and I were working every night together in the same room. So good memories.

    Begining of December, Ironman’s best friend came to the bar and started talking to me about Iromnan and how I should do and we didn’t had time to talk too much since I was working but he gave me his phone number and said he wanted to go for a coffee and talk. So we went for that coffee and he told me he wanted the things to work with Ironman and me and he told me to “lean back” and play hard to get. I should have listen. Ironman’s best friend was like my Rori now that I think of it. He tried to help me and I didn’t listened to him. Months later, Ironman admitted that he asked his friend to talk to me because he wanted to commit and to go exclusive and make plans for the future to me but he needed a “challenge”. What a player…

    End December 2007, for the 1st time, I agreed on having a real other date. I started seeing DjCD…

    So every night, I was going to work, Friday leaving with one, Saturday leaving with the other. And Ironman knew about DjCD, but not the other way around… but I think he had some doubt…

    In the next months, we were breaking up, and coming back, and breaking up. He was seeing many other girls and I knew it and didn’t like it.

    Anyway, things were doing great with DjCD. I had a very glamourous life. He is famous in his community and we were always VIP everywhere, going out a lot, drinking a lot, going in raves, ok and some drugs too… But I had the time of my life and didn’t give too much of a sh*t about Ironman.

    Everytime he had a new girl, he was leaving me behind…

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 4:19pm

  233. 233: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Lol I don’t know why I gave so many details about it…

    lol I was so in my head and rethinking about my love story…

    It was a good exercice though. I was so focus on thinking and writting the details about my relationship with Ironman that I completely forgot to think of ATW.

    Nice! :)

    I got bored of writing about him though. So I might continue only another day when I feel down again and I feel the need to switch my vibe. I’m good for tonight.

    Sorry if I annoyed you with my old stories…

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 4:22pm

  234. 234: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Hey my anti-panic plan is coming in a few minutes.

    I don’t care about him (he has a gf) but it’s gonna help to keep focus on myself. Will even maybe practice some tools on him… will practice feeling messages!! Yay!!!

    And while I was writting my story about Ironman, an old guy friend talked to me on Facebook and we agreed to go out tomorrow!!

    So that’s it. I’m booked for the weekend. It’s too late for ATW!!

    I only have Sunday night free, but he has to book me 24 hours in advance (so tomorrow night maximum) if he wants to see me I decided.

    Cool, that feels good!

    Tonight: Wine and computer fixing with this computer guy (will call him FakeCD because he’s not a real CD)

    Tomorrow morning: Run

    Tomorrow afternoon: Hairdresser

    Later in the afternoon: Cleaning up the house

    Tomorrow night: Drinks out with my guy friend

    Sunday morning: Being hangover (lol)

    Sunday afternoon: 10K run

    Sunday night: still open. You have until Saturday to book in. If not I’ll make myself a feet treatment and pedicure.

    hourray!!!

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 4:29pm

  235. 235: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    lk and Daria

    Women flirting with my man is a big deal for me too!

    I feel very triggered and jealous.

    I like the idea of flirting with the woman, as long as she doesn’t take it as an invitation to get involved in our space…

    I don’t know.

    I don’t want to shut down around every woman I feel threatened by, esp when they are friends from before, but I don’t want to tolerate feeling threatened either.

    I guess expressing in a non blaming way is always a good option.

    I would perhaps make a boundary if a man wants to commit to me, no other women or women friends unless they are mutual friends who I feel safe and included with too…

    In the meantimes I can’t control what any one else does, although I can work on my reaction to it.

    So far I feel pretty good about my responses to these type of situations, although they could still get to me.

    I intend to choose not to let them.

    I intend to think big.

    I am the air he needs to breath anyhow.

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 4:38pm

  236. 236: LuzydelNo Gravatar says:

    You know FW, It is not the tools, but the people who use it. I guess we (women) are the ones that do not Really want a relationship; the ones afraid of intimacy.

    I am not afraid of what is waking up inside of me, it is a turmoil of feelings, confusion, doubt, self destruction, envy, jealousy and deep inside of all that lies the desire to LOVE . I am loving each of of these feelings, my feelings are like a Pandora box right now. They are confusing me, pushing me all over, I am just here experiencing them. Some people are “external” they find themselves through other people, I find myself when I experience my emotions, I dissect them, question them, feel them, then A new me comes out of it. That is why I call it internal revolution; I feel it, something in me is changing and something in me is resisting. There is a war inside of me….

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 4:41pm

  237. 237: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    “I would perhaps make a boundary if a man wants to commit to me, no other women or women friends unless they are mutual friends who I feel safe and included with too…”

    Yes I will have to think of that too if things get serious with ATW…

    80% of his friends are women and it was a big issue when we were together… If one day he wants a exclusive and committed relationship, I will have to put a boundary… Maybe only women friends I have meet and trust?

    That feels like controlling…

    We’ll see… I’m not there yet…

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 4:44pm

  238. 238: JillyNo Gravatar says:

    well…so my friend’s boyfriend…who is friends with Rugby Man…I guess always asks about MY love life…

    then she mentioned that she thinks he (her boyfriend) has a crush on me…

    well…what do I do with that info?

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 4:49pm

  239. 239: JillyNo Gravatar says:

    this is one of my really good friends btw…

    it feels weird to hear that…but I feel flattered…and “on guard”?

    feels like..don’t be you Jilly…be hard and cold around them next time…

    I feel a little weird posting this…but I’m going to

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 4:53pm

  240. 240: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    No Lizka that is not a boundaries. Boundaries are rules you make for yourself. What you are doing there is dictating who he can have for friends. One of my cds was in a relationship last year with a woman who tried that. He dropped a very close friend because of her. The next thing he knew she became jealous of every woman he spoke to. You could feel her coldness when in her presence because of how closed her heart became. When he finally asked her what was going on she told him they were not compatible. He took that as his cue to exit and she has stalked him since. When he talks of her he says that was one of the first red flags he noticed with her which told him she was insecure and jealous. She was pushing to get married after a couple months of dating and that is the reason he said he stalled and told her he was not ready as yet. He is now happy that he did.

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 4:54pm

  241. 241: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Oh I see it was actually Ella’s suggestion as a boundary. Please remember that most men had lives before they met us. Are we suggesting that their lives with their friends no longer matter now that they have met us?

    Are we competing with their friends and giving these guys an ultimatum to choose?

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 5:00pm

  242. 242: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    FW re 239

    Hmmm, I feel confused.

    I understand that Rori has an agreement with her husband that no female friends… unless they are mutual friends…

    I do find this issue difficult.

    I want to be open and warm to women friends of my men, and I often feel tense and ‘cold’.

    So not really sure how to overcome this.

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 5:03pm

  243. 243: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    No FW.

    Grrrr.

    I am not really suggesting anything much.

    Except that if a man is offering me commitment… maybe for me feeling no 1 would entail no female friends unless they are mutual friends.

    If 2 people are married I see this as quite reasonable.

    However if you are dating then its very different.

    However I can still express how I feel and either accept or reject.

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 5:05pm

  244. 244: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Jilly –

    Maybe he asked about your love life because Rugby Man asks him to dig about it?

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 5:06pm

  245. 245: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    For me a boundary very much IS that I won’t commit to someone unless I feel no 1.

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 5:06pm

  246. 246: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    I have not yet encountered that in Rori’s writings but I am wondering if it is meant for new friends. I would be surprised if it were childhood friends. I imagine that contact would be reduced but I can’t imagine that a man would eliminate a lifelong friend because of his marriage.

    As a matter of fact I had one friend who dropped a long time girlfriend because of the same type of thing and married someone else. She did not want to see him talking to anyone else including me. She was jealous of everyone. His wife accepts him as he is, with all his friends.

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 5:08pm

  247. 247: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Yeah I’m confused about it too. When I was with ATW, he was always going out with girls and never invite me and when I am with him (even now), he has girls texting him all the time…

    Shouldn’t I put a boundary about this? Not controlling, but express how I feel at least…

    not now of course because he did say he want to go exclusive and committed, but later…

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 5:10pm

  248. 248: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    FW

    Yes… that is where the part about no women friends unless they are mutual friends and/or friends who we feel safe about comes in….

    See, even if it were a lifelong friend a man can do certain things to make his woman feel safe in this scenario, like making sure she is always included and invited and does not feel left out.

    He can make sure that she remains the main focus of his energy so that she feels safe.

    A good man will do this.

    My man will do this.

    One thing I like about MWC recently is he tends to want to spend all his time focused on me. Rather than talking to other women friends.

    This is his choice.

    It feels good.

    If a woman is important in his life and he wants to be with me, he will make sure I feel safe around that woman and know I always come 1st.

    Of course we Sirens have a big part to play too, to make sure we do all we can to feel safe and secure in ourselves and deal with our insecure and jealous feelings should they come up…

    This is the part I am dealing with.

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 5:14pm

  249. 249: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Rori mentioned that she would not feel comfortable with her husband having any women friends that are not also mutual friedns with her.

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 5:16pm

  250. 250: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    FW sorry for the ‘Grrrr’.

    I was feeling misunderstood and frustrated just for a minute there.

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 5:17pm

  251. 251: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    My man will do this too Ella! :)

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 5:17pm

  252. 252: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    No problem Ellla. Thanks for the explanation. I am going to bring this up with a couple of guys.

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 5:20pm

  253. 253: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    For exemple, if I agree to commit with a man (lets say ATW), I will definitely introduce him to my male friends amd invite him if I go out with them (not always but often) amd make him feel safe around them.

    I want my man to do the same. If ATW is not open to introduce me to his women friends and sometimes invite me to go out with them and make me feel safe around them, I will not go exclusive and committ to them.

    That’s my new boundary.

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 5:21pm

  254. 254: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Just have to find a way to express it in feeling message for when the time comes…

    Anyway, it’s not for now… He haven’t call me again for a second night in a row… :(

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 5:22pm

  255. 255: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Sirens, this is going to be a long one, feel free to skip, just processing a conversation with my ex to see where I practiced tools and where I could do better.

    My ex is supposed to be coming up… then he said he’d wait and come tomorrow morning because he was really tired. Then he said, his mom was trying to talk him out of coming because he’d been sick. But, he said he’d probably still come, would call me later. Then he calls and says his mom said we’re supposed to get all this snow. I was like really? I hadn’t heard that. Good for skiing. HE said, yeah, but not since I don’t have my SUV. He said he’d double check the weather. Girls and I went out to eat, came back, I checked the weather. Not even a flurry? So, I called him back and told him… he was surprised. So, I told him if he didn’t feel like coming in, it’s ok. Would feel nice to see him, but if it didn’t work out, weekend after next was open. He said it’s the drive, but he’d look at the weather again. (Like I’m lying we aren’t getting anything) So, then I asked him if there was something else wrong, or some other reason his mom didn’t think it was a good weekend. He said he pulled a ham string, hadn’t eaten since breakfast, seemed crabby. I didn’t say anything, just waited. Then he said, I’ll probably come, I was planning on it til mom said anything. Again, I waited. Then he says, but even if I don’t come, mom said she’d come get the girls for the party. (They are supposed to go skating and have a sleepover with their cousin), I said, well, they can go for the skating, but I don’t feel comfortable with the sleepover. He says, well what do you mean, said it was fine yesterday? (kinda irritated) and I calmly said that I feel nervous since his sister and I still aren’t talking, and he wouldn’t be there. He said he wouldn’t be sleeping there anyways, and I said, I know.. but you’d be a few min. away at your moms or something. I said that I feel a little uncomfortable having them there by themselves. He said he knew. (big blowup happened at Thanksgiving with his sister saying a bunch of stuff to our girls that we should have gotten a cheaper house) Then he said, well… you said you had plans. If you want to cancel those and go pick them up, then that’s up to you.

    And that is what it was. I had plans. He got a twinge of jealousy, and now his plans to come home were all up in the air, I said, well, my plans were to make it up to Shannon for bailing on her birthday because I didn’t have a sitter. If I have to cancel that so the girls can come home, I will. I can reschedule. Then he says, I’ll probably be home. I’m going to get something to eat, look at the weather and I’ll call you back.

    I’m sure I could have gotten a few more feeling messages in there. But, I did pause twice and let him talk. I did share that it would feel nice to have him home. I did ask if there was more going on. I did share my uneasy feelings about the girls being with his family alone.

    I did explain about my plans… but I actually told him that I had plans with S already, so guess he just wasn’t listening, just heard I had plans.

    I didn’t plead or try to persuade, like the girls really miss you…

    I did stay calm. No raising my voice.

    So, probably a lot better than our normal convo. when I feel irritated that his mom is trying to control things or sounds like he is making excuses.

    Anyone have any comments?

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 5:23pm

  256. 256: FlowerChild77No Gravatar says:

    Brenda….are you ok? Just checking. Keep us posted.

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 5:34pm

  257. 257: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Brenda said on FB, she might leave the blog. :( Hope she comes back!

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 5:39pm

  258. 258: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    I want to move my hips like Shakira does!!!

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DUT5rEU6pqM&ob=av2n

    Night Sirens.

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 5:41pm

  259. 259: FlowerChild77No Gravatar says:

    Turquoise….I’m only a baby Siren, but I think you did great. While I was reading your post I could feel myself getting ‘triggered’ (putting myself in your place) during the part where you were talking about the girls going to your SIL’s to sleep over.

    Also, I know how much it means to you when he comes and how good you feel in his presence—I think it was great the way you leaned back about his plans–accepting the uncertainty. (That was always something I had a real problem with.)

    Your daughters are beautiful—and you are too.

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 5:46pm

  260. 260: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Starla I love this

    “2915: Rori Raye says:
    Kate – You have to TALK to him! You have to start expressing yourself! Get help here on how to do it – this is total “Love Scripts.” What did you say when he asked you if anything was wrong and if you’re mad? “I’m feeling lonely and missing the romance. I’ve discovered that unless I initiate things, nothing happens, and I miss all our closeness, but don’t want to be the initiator. I’m just a girl here and it doesn’t feel romantic to me to always initiate affection and sex. What do you think we can do so we’re both happy?”

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 5:51pm

  261. 261: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    What happened with Brenda?

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 5:57pm

  262. 262: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks Flowechild. I appreciate that!

    It is a big improvement for me. Before it would have gone more like this…

    “I don’t know what your mom is talking about, we aren’t getting snow. She’s just trying to control your schedule and when you come home and I’m sick of it. If you don’t want to be here, then fine… don’t come. We’ll make other plans. Why do you always have to change your plans? Why can’t for once, things just work out? It’s not fair that I have to rearrange my schedule to fit yours. ” I’m tired of paying for a babysitter when you cancel your plans, yet you have all this free time to do whatever you want.”

    Yeah, lol… I have come a LONG way. I can feel the tension in my words, just writing them. We’d always get in a big fight, and most of the time he’d end up coming anyways, so the fights were such a waste of energy and feeling.

    I do feel good that I didn’t raise my voice or get overly upset. I just calmly said how I was feeling and listened to what he shared. He sounded crabby though, so kinda glad he’s not coming in tonight. I feel fine now,… but would be harder to stay in my good mood if he were here being crabby or snapping at the girls.

    Yeah me. Yeah for progress and not trying to control an outcome!

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 6:01pm

  263. 263: FlowerChild77No Gravatar says:

    How do I change my user name on here? Do I just sign up with the new name?

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 6:03pm

  264. 264: Silver-Tongued SirenNo Gravatar says:

    hmm.

    well.. no email response from BF – he hasn’t said anything to me since valentine’s morning “happy valentines day! I wish I was there!”

    – i was glad to hear that, but i felt disappointed – that he didn’t do anything for vday. no special dinner, no flowers, no card, no nothing, not even a mention of it. since he was here visiting this last wknd he could have done sommeething. come on. I have been seeing you for years (regardless of how sporadic visits were), and have your CHILD, who i am taking care of on my own…….

    nope nothing. all wk nothing. I mean the least he could have done is call me in the evening of valentine’s day. (but maybe i was busy and had plans, anyway ;D he could’ve sent FLOWERS. but no. If I followed “the rules” I would be saying “next” because he did nothing romantic for me for valentine’s day. I wonder how I change this? will definitely have to share feeling messages about what I would like next time Vday comes around.

    i was actually really down on vday due to MILW leaving to go out with some girl after asking for a massage, having a bad feeling convo about our rlsp, and not responding to my texts til the next day.

    anyway – BF.
    no response to the living situation email, but then HE CALLS ME TODAY. out of the blue, since he NEVER calls me. even when we used to be in contact everyday, he NEVER called me – it was always chatting or texting or emailing. I have shared FM a few times about this – and last time I even called him once to show that I am willing to give and bend a little tiny bit in my own boundaries, so that he will mirror me and bend and give a bit on what he does. he does call me once in a great while, it’s just not often. where as I like frequent phone calls. but then again maybe it would just lead to talking too much and having nothing to talk about. whatever it is, people of his astrological sign just don’t like the phone.

    I was in a good, high energy mood when I answered the phone, from all the cleaning and actually getting things DONE today even with babbyyyy<3.

    I could've said "i feel disappointed we didn't do anything for valentine's day" or "I feel …hmm. I don't know what I feel – that he hasn't responded to my email yet..

    I didn't mention the email as it seemed like complaining and i am sure he feels pressure enough just reading it.

    I just accepted his phone call and enjoyed it and shared FM wherever I could. he was driving home from work and talked to me the whole way – 20 to 30 minutes. asked about my week, told me about his, "excruciating, stressful, exhausting, boring"… and dealing with his landlord. and trying to get some issues fixed on his car.
    then i mentioned that I thought he got out of work later, and he said "oh we all got out early today… i was going to stay, but … then a girl came in and said everyone left and I had to go unless i had a key.. and they all make fun of me for actually staying the hours I'm supposed to..and I don't always have work to do while I'm there, but.. it's not like i have anything else to do out in the middle of nowhere" (where he lives).

    …. almost felt like he was *trying* to make me think his week was boring (tho it's often this way it seemed especially today) as though to make me feel like he's not having a great time spending his time with this girl he works with. and oh has sex with.

    haha.
    who am I kidding, it probably gets awkward working with someone you have seen romantically. I've done it once. That guy was definitely not worth my time either. good riddance.
    actually I've done it a few times but the rest of the time was in a VERY committed relationship- very different.

    I am amused.
    I think I really took him by surprise when we were having sex last weekend and I asked him if he'd been having sex with other people since I wasn't home with him. lol… pretty sure he wasn't expecting that, and in the moment there was nothing he could do besides tell the truth. a man in the throes of passion is a bit out of control. I didn't plan it that way it just worked out like that, but I don't think he could process that enough to do anything but tell the truth.

    I think he was extra thrown for a loop when I didn't get mad… but shared how I felt, then teased him, and playfully let him know I need a man who only wants to be with me!! and he knew this already anyway. (and he is out in the middle of nowhere…and… is maybe even regretting taking this job…well these are the things HE said when I was talking about him having sex with someone else.) but no excuses bebe.

    I am glad I can entertain myself easily… haha. just ate dinner, nursed baby to sleep, hope he stays asleep for a while so I can get more things done!!! going to go continue what I was doing! be back later!

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 6:08pm

  265. 265: Sun GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    This is the first time today that I have been able to feel my feelings. I am so excited and scared at the same time about my trip with LP that begins tomorrow morning bright and early.

    Why am I scared?
    I don’t want my boy energy of that takes over when going on trips to appear and stay in place during the entire trip. I fear that something will go wrong and it will be my fault. (me blaming me, he probably wouldn’t think that)

    I fear that something will be said that will trigger me and I won’t be prepared to deal with it.

    I’m afraid I will be consumed by his attention and will lose my siren ways when I return.

    I’m excited because I have never been on an all adult trip with a man. Weird, I know!

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 6:14pm

  266. 266: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    STS, will you be able to give up one of these guys to choose the other? It seems you want them both equally. I feel confused.

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 6:16pm

  267. 267: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    : Joann says:
    Hi Rori,

    I am so happy I found this. I have been divorced now since Nov. 10,2010. I am now seeing this man for a little over two months. I need some advice of what happen between us and be as cut throat as you can. We both are ready to be in a relationship and neither one of us wants to see anyone else. One day he was doing some work for me and I gave him my key to let himself in and out of my apartment. A few weeks had past and I asked for my key back. His reaction to me took me off guard a little. He suddenly wanted to slow things down a bit and we stopped visiting each other as much. We talk on the phone everyday all day except on the weekend. He only wants to visit me during the week. Never on the weekend now. I asked him why is he doing that. Does he have someone else he is seeing? He said no, but with the men these days I think that there maybe a person of interest in his life. His response to me is I think too much. Rori what do you think? How can I get his attention?

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 5:11pm

    14: Rori Raye says:
    Joann – you’d be insane not to wonder what he’s doing on the weekends. I’d say “you know –I like you very much and feel great with you, and I don’t really want to be exclusively involved with anyone I don’t see on the weekends…” And then go Circular Date and stop the exclusivity. PERIOD. Love, Rori

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 5:27pm

    15: Joann says:
    Thanks Rori for the quick response. I will do just that and let you know how it turns out.

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 6:20pm

  268. 268: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    I wanna give you your space to think, but I feel kinda unimportant and lonely when I’m on a date and the guy I’m with it talking to himself and working out his schedule when we’re together.

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 6:23pm

  269. 269: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:

    OMG!!! M cancelled the reservation he asked me to make to Lake Placid…
    He’s taking me to NEW-YORK CITY!!!!

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 6:24pm

  270. 270: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Wow Siren Angel!!!! That is awesome! Where do you live?

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 6:26pm

  271. 271: River GirlNo Gravatar says:

    WOW Siren Angel!! How exciting! Gotta love surprises. :smile:

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 6:31pm

  272. 272: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Off to clean sirens, need to catch up from being sick this week so I can enjoy my weekend, no matter what happens. I’ll be back on later.

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 6:34pm

  273. 273: siren songNo Gravatar says:

    right on siren angel!

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 6:35pm

  274. 274: FlowerChild77No Gravatar says:

    That’s great! Enjoy yourself and don’t worry so much about doing/saying something wrong <3 We'll all be waiting to hear about it when you get back.

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 6:37pm

  275. 275: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    i am cycling between guilt and anger re: CF. Interesting pattern

    i wish i could go back in time and just be appreciative of the tremendous amount of love he WAS offering in his own way. i feel like a bad bad girl. i feel like i keep making the same mistake and hope i’m not hurting him like how it hurts me

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 6:45pm

  276. 276: Sun GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    I feel like I want to call LP and mother him and tell him everything he should pack because the last trip we went on he only brought one pair of pants. I don’t want to spend our whole time there buying clothes!

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 6:49pm

  277. 277: Sun GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    I won’t do that but I so want to!

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 6:51pm

  278. 278: FlowerChild77No Gravatar says:

    “Diary of a Mad Black Woman” (Tyler Perry movie) is on TBS right now :-)

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 7:01pm

  279. 279: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    oh my, i just watched love scripts about getting more time with your man and rori suggests i start being more vocal about when I’m free and specifically desiring to see him then.

    I can do some variation of this. at least as an experiment.

    but we’re not committed. but it’s just a thought. if i suggested we get together sooner rather than later, he would gladly make it happen. i’m pretty terrified of overfunctioning, though!

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 7:04pm

  280. 280: LenaNo Gravatar says:

    Good day, everyone

    I caught myself yesterday that man dont really srick around me or I dont excite them hoe I used to because its like a have no power in my heart. Like I am out of battery or its thickly covered.

    I caught myself that I am forcing to do smth or say smth. Its very uncomfortable not to lean forward and to use FM.

    A messages me yesterday but I dont feel really connected and I think its mostly because of me. I mean – I dont have fun. Everytime I think of opening up its like there is an empty space where so much fun was.

    Rori writes there – do you love yourself? I think I dont. After my breakup it was so painful and I felt so angry, humiliates, rejected and worthless, messed up and sick – I just cant really love myself. I feel used for opening my heart to someone. Trusting and believing someone.

    And I want to have a good, loving relationship and I just dont know how to do it. Like its not interesting and predictable and I already “know” all way ahead.

    Where did my spark go, my real me?..

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 7:15pm

  281. 281: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    I appreciate you thinking of me. I just got home from a meetup group for Christian Singles. Boring!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Let’s have full-fledged conversations about board games (spelled bored?) and places to hike in the area.

    All it does is make me miss Ryan times ten. And that is nicht goot when I’m trying to end it with him. Da)mn! I arrived early, and Ryan called me while I was in the parking lot, wanting to go out. I would have if I wasn’t planning to do this, because I want to deliver my end-it speech in person.

    So I told him it was a date, and if I wasn’t so gung ho to get my end-it speech overwith (while I’m strong! Yikes!), I wouldn’t have offered to get together with him after my “date”. He said he wasn’t sure and just text him.

    When I texted him 2.5 hours later, he was in bed for the night (at 9 pm??). I felt disappointed, and I felt frustrated, and I felt afraid that I wouldn’t have the strength to deliver my end it speech if I waited. So a little of it leaked out:

    B: I feel like I’m starving for love. :-(

    R: At least you’re doing the right thing and you’re dating.

    B: Yeah, when you’re starving in one field, you go looking for another field.

    So that felt bad, since there was no response and since I had planned to do it in person. Ugh.

    And even now I am fighting the urge to deliver the rest of my end-it speech because I feel so deeply frustrated. I feel frustrated with him, and I feel frustrated with the quality of men I am meeting elsewhere and mostly I feel frustrated with my craving for love and affection and sex.

    I didn’t really want to come home. I had envisioned an exciting night at the bar with karaoke with Ryan, before giving him my end-it speech. And now I probably won’t hear from him another week and I feel scared I will lose my resolve to end it because I miss him too darn much.

    I don’t want to be a crumb taker. I don’t want to be home. I don’t want to be alone. I don’t want to be single. I don’t like this at all. I want to be loved and cherished and caressed.

    I feel so tempted to text him again right now.

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 7:19pm

  282. 282: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    I feel you, brenda. Leaning back is so hard. I know you were pretty upset around me last time we interacted but please don’t feel weird on my account about spamming away and leaning on this blog to help you stay leaned back.

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 7:49pm

  283. 283: Silver-Tongued SirenNo Gravatar says:

    266 Turquoise.

    Could I actually choose one of them?

    lol, I don’t know, I do like them both quite a lot.

    I DID once want to marry BF – and I did already give up BF before (when I was IN Looove with him) (tho we were NOT in a rlsp by any means, he was out of state, etc.)… to be with MILW.

    I still feel VERY strongly about MILW. I picture him in my life forever, everyday, as a partner and father. As much as I love him I can’t sit here just waiting..or at least can’t sit here and not have any attention from other men to keep me light and open to MILW. I would like to have some options anyway right now. :) Aside from making me feel good, and being practice for me, options are my leverage.

    it would be helpful to get some other options happening, it’s just hard with baby/no childcare.

    I wonder how this makes MILW and BF feel. That I see both of them. I wish I knew.

    I don’t know if I can give up Man I Live With – but if he’s not here, I’m not giving up anything (other than the chance he’ll come back and be with his family), … (yeah.. that would be hard – I believe that I am the best thing for him, the best thing he’s ever found, and the only person that will ever love him the way I do. I think that what he’s trying right now can only fail, period, and that means that in the end, I can only WIN, period – if I am available when he’s finally ready to come HOME and be faithful to me, love and support me and work through our stuff.)…I want MILW here with me.

    I LOVE MILW immensely.

    I love BF too… but.. I don’t know. I have been feeling uncertain ..bored.. ? (he is not as social, doesn’t care about going to events so much or nice dinners with friends much, etc. he is not a guy with a full social calendar, he seems more like a “meet for dinner with this friend”, “go to a small group gathering” kinda guy. that’s nice sometimes, but sometimes i wanna do other things. and I like getting dressed up to go out – and he doesn’t take me anywhere I can dress up for, and doesn’t seem to care about getting crazy fun dressed up costumized either (tho I have seen him get in costume for a party or two over the years). I don’t know.

    I picture myself with MILW when we are old, taking care of each other, always being attracted to him, being happy with him even if we one day get old and stop having sex..I enjoy working together and accomplishing things together.

    BF.. I don’t know. For some reason lately I have a hard time picturing that – like I am scared something will happen to him healthwise that I couldn’t take care of, (how silly is that?) or that I won’t be attracted to him when we’re older or that I feel bored with him, or that later he will start doing things that I don’t like -shutting down a lot being cold ignoring – (his way of dealing with things when he doesn’t like it).. which I have experienced a couple times in the past couple of months and I don’t like that either..or that he will lie to me and see other people..

    (and MILW is very straightforward most of the time – tells me just what he thinks) I know MILW – I have known BF for years but I have LIVED with MILW for a handful of years. I don’t really KNOW BF on a day to day basis anymore – I once lived “with” him in the same apartment with other roommates, off and on, but it wasn’t us as a couple, and since then he’s moved all around the country, lived with other women, been in several relationships…

    anyway.. it’s all speculation… and some of it seems ridiculous, but this is the stuff that goes thru my head sometimes. I am not sure why??!?
    Maybe I just start thinking these things because I really want to be with MILW or am afraid.

    hmmm.
    Yes I love MILW very much. I would do anything to make him happy if I could just feel loved and safe and important also.

    I am just tired of feeling stuck in the same place lately,
    though maybe I should actually be happy with it.

    I wouldn’t know what to do if BF wrote back and said YES that’s what he intended about the living situation, honestly.
    but sometimes I want to give it a chance. If I knew without a doubt that MILW was in a quick time frame going to get back home, be a good role model for our kids, be a faithful partner.. I wouldn’t even be considering it.

    This all feels scary to me.

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 8:11pm

  284. 284: Silver-Tongued SirenNo Gravatar says:

    Brenda: the meetup sounds like torture. loll.

    i have been thinking about finding some meetups to go to also..though limited with baby most of the time..

    i wonder if you could find any that are just activity groups or something else rather than specifically singles groups .. (but groups where you would meet men).

    So frustrating that ryan called while you were in the parking lot….. and then was in bed…..

    yes I relate to you a lot about losing resolve to say things. But you won’t – you will stay strong. Because if you REALLY want Ryan’s attention, maybe this is what you need to do – because you’re not getting what you want right now, are you?

    I am with you whatever you decide – I know it will be the right thing. Trust your intuition.

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 8:16pm

  285. 285: FlowerChild77No Gravatar says:

    (((((Brenda))))) I know it feels bad. I know it’s hard. We’re here for you.

    Him saying, “At least you’re doing the right thing and you’re dating” I would not want to continue “explaining” any more to him.

    Isn’t this the part where he says he doesn’t enjoy the friendship? I don’t think he wants to know all that :-(

    Please don’t get angry with me…I just hate seeing you hurting when you can stop this cycle— with Rori’s tools and support from the blog–and probably support from your church, too. We all care about you, Brenda.

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 8:32pm

  286. 286: sunshineNo Gravatar says:

    random thoughts for the day..I feel chilly its cold in my room. I feel lonely but hopeful may this upcoming week be better than last. I felt so embarrassed and angry this week, I feel like I was not good enough in the tasks that I did and i feel frustrated. I want to be the best I can for me and Im tired of being judged and a scapegoat amongst my peers. I will do the best I can this week and Im also going to church on sunday:) good night every one

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 8:41pm

  287. 287: JillyNo Gravatar says:

    Brenda ((((hugs))))

    Turquoise…WOW…yes…I can definitely see the difference…you did so well!!! it feels so much softer and more open and definitely more loving and less controlling…

    Starla…so Rori recommends to express to CF what you want or need him to do and when you are free? I like that..I hope I’m getting that right…

    Lizka…no I don’t think Rugby Man is asking him :) my roommates boyfriend seems to be infatuated with my love life too…always asking her about it and who I’ve slept with…who knew my life was so interesting ;) the thing that threw me off was her saying “I think he has a crush on you”. But I’m going to pretend she never said it and leave it at that.

    K so I just watched “The Vow” and it made me feel so many emotions!!!!

    I wish Rugby Man had texted tonight..but he didn’t :( he will be home tomorrow morning though…the movie made me totally think of him…tomorrow is going to be a long day til I get to see him lol

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 8:43pm

  288. 288: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    14:

    Thank You FW! I’m registered! :)
    I feel all siked for it!

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 8:52pm

  289. 289: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    I’m going to lean forward with ATW and say it feels vad not to have news from him in two days…

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 9:32pm

  290. 290: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Sirens, I’m about to get a bath and go to bed… it’s 12:30 and my first floor is spotless. :) I cleaned all 4 bathrooms and straightened up the gameroom. My room is good, but the spare room and girls rooms need a little TLC. We need to go through and get rid of stuff, so if their dad doesn’t come home we’ll do that this weekend. He hasn’t called so I have two theories.

    1. It would not be unlike him to just show up. TO not say he’s coming and then be here. Sometimes I feel like he’s trying to catch me with someone else or something… I don’t know. He says it’s a surprise, but it doesn’t usually feel that way.

    2. He originally said he was going to wait and come up tomorrow morning, so he felt no need to clarify that and will call in the morning to let me know he’s on his way.

    I hope it’s the second version, just because I want things to be different between us… not to go backwards into old patterns.

    I guess there is option 3 also, that he’ll decide to just stay there this weekend, and I’m ok with that too. I’ll still see my friend tomorrow and have some stuff I really want to get done here. I have surprise party plans to make and want to take some stuff to Goodwill. My garage is too full. Some needs to go, soon.

    Oh! One more thing… last week I bought two copies of a Jim Brickman Love CD at Target. One for me and one for my mother in law. I didn’t look that closely to all the songs as I was rushing and just wanted to grab her a little get well/Valentine’s gift from the girls. I couldn’t get it to play on the CD player in my room and kept forgetting to take it out to the car. Tonight I did, and while I was waiting for the girls I read through the list of songs, and our song (my ex and I) is I Swear. And it’s on there, and it’s a beautiful piano version. Of all the love songs in the world, there are 14 chosen, and mine is one of them. :) Made my heart skip a beat!

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 9:40pm

  291. 291: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    I don’t blame you Lizka, I’d be tempted too… but I think you’ll regret it tomorrow.

    Sorry sweetie. I hate no contact. Maybe this is why you shouldn’t sleep with him. If he’s not going to contact you daily, maybe you don’t need to be having sex with him. What do you think?

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 9:43pm

  292. 292: PeachesNo Gravatar says:

    Hi LiliBee :)

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 9:48pm

  293. 293: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    I’m about to lean forward with ATW. The stupid urgency came back…

    I had a bad night. FakeCD (the computer guy) came home with two bottles of wine and fixed my computer.

    But he was pushy and I was so not interested because he has a girlfriend. He told me it was going very bad with the gf, but I’m still not interested. I told him when he’ll break up with his girl friend, I’ll be interested on going on a real date.

    But he kept being pushy. We cuddled a little but he tried to kiss me (and even verbally told me he WANTED to kiss me and asked me again and again to let him kiss me but I was so turned off by his needy attitude.

    I set up the boundary of I want to date only single men (duhhhhh) but he kept pushing… Not listening at me at all…

    So in general the night felt bad. Really bad. When I see guys like that, I miss ATW. And I want to lean forward even though it’s almost 1 am.

    I know it’s a bad idea because if he hasn’t text me, he’s probably out with some friends (or even worst on a date) and I will feel even more disappointed if he doesn’t answer. But I feel so lonely and I so want to talk to him and to know why he hasn’t call me in two days… I feel so sad again… :(

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 9:53pm

  294. 294: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Turquoise -

    We spent Sunday night together, and than he contacted me every night Monday, Tuesday (for Valentine’s) and Wednesday.

    Yesterday he was out with my collegue so I guess this is why he didn’t text.

    And I guess tonight he’s out with some other of his friends and this is why he’s not texting again…

    The paterns seems to be he’s texting when he’s home doing nothing. But as soon as he has something better to do, he forgets about me. :(

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 9:57pm

  295. 295: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    If I don’t text him tonight, I’ll be so disappointed to haven’t talk to him in two days…

    And if I text him, I might be disappointed because he is most likely not respond because he’s out and probably drunk…

    So I loose in both case…

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 10:05pm

  296. 296: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    I feel shaky

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 10:12pm

  297. 297: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Why does when I have bad dates, I miss the “good” CDs and feel the urgency to lean forward?

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 10:15pm

  298. 298: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    I think I gained 5 lbs this week, in leaning back.

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 10:24pm

  299. 299: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    I hate life as a single.

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 10:31pm

  300. 300: StarbrightNo Gravatar says:

    For those hurting and trying to lean back…
    (right now thinking of Brenda and Lizka)

    The book, “Getting to I do” by Patricia Allen is quite good! I have read almost all of it in the past 1 1/2 days. Lots of Rori type work with some differences.

    Interesting idea about how we can get addicted to oxytocin for at least 8 weeks (sometimes up to 2 years!)

    Hearing the guy’s voice, seeing him, smelling him or email/texting him restarts the oxytocin fix. Then we are back to square one.

    Cherry Norris’ “Duty Dating” movie is about this work and again some real tie ins with Rori.

    Zara put up links. And also Rori wrote about Cherry on one of the blogs.

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 10:45pm

  301. 301: StarbrightNo Gravatar says:

    According to Pat Allen:

    What I meant was that if you didn’t see, hear, smell or read emails/texts by a man you could still be addicted to oxytocin by him for up to 8 weeks or in some cases for two years.

    There are some situations where Rori says one really ought to just walk away…

    I am finding this to be something I need to do now and how hard it is to stay away…but he is unavailable and I get sucked in whether I am cding or not.

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 10:51pm

  302. 302: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you Starbright

    I took the book in note, will see if I can find it at the library tomorrow. Very good idea to treat myself. I am very interested to learn how oxytocin works….

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 11:15pm

  303. 303: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Anyway, I talked to my girl friend and I am feeling better. For once, she didn’t say how bad he is and she didn’t push me to feel guilty about thinking the way I do. She was very nice and said it’s “normal” if he hasn’t text for two days and whatever said the collegue about girls being attracted by ATW…

    I also had a little little fight with DjCD but he understood that I had a bad day and was very comprehensive… awwww :)

    So anyway now it’s too late to lean forward on ATW, it’s 2.20 AM here…

    So I will just go to sleep and hope to have a nice one and wake up very late tomorrow. I’m going to get my hair done and maybe do some jogging and cleaning and go out with my guy friend. Should be interesting…

    The urge is still there, but it would be stupid to call him in the middle of the night…

    Ouuuuufffffffff

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 11:24pm

  304. 304: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Ok this awful day is over. I’m off to bed now…

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 11:25pm

  305. 305: PeachesNo Gravatar says:

    (((((((((((Lizka)))))))))))) sleep well, love your dreams, wake rested :)

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 11:50pm

  306. 306: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    feeling so disappointed! was excited to havea lot of missed callsa nd thinking i might even wind up goin out tonite after gettin back from a show w my parents

    but now even Guyfriend CD whio had called me twice did not answer :(

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 11:57pm

  307. 307: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    fln sad – reminded me of middleschool

    i fele comfortable being the one left out and nto having anyhone to go out with or connect to so that i can get in my groove of feelig alone and hopeless

    i want to heal this

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 11:58pm

  308. 308: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    feelin this way, i feel frurstarted, got little patience for some quetsioms online from men like what are you looking for here

    i dont want to type that

    i wonder whatsup with that

    Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 11:59pm

  309. 309: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    last nite i went out dancing with my date but actually i felt really disconnected from him after one point

    i dono if he got mad (i had a lil issue i talked to him abaou)

    or waht

    i would look in his eyes, we were dancing face to face

    and almost every time he was not really making eye contact with me

    i felt weird

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 12:02am

  310. 310: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    im thinking im so not lovable or these men that throw themselves at me would stick around

    and i would have lots of girlfreinds and even guys to go out with

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 12:03am

  311. 311: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i hate feeling love this!

    i love feeling like this!

    i want to heal this feelign SO BAD

    ugh

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 12:11am

  312. 312: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i feeel like crying

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 12:13am

  313. 313: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i feel like i dont have a date to the prom or smething…

    i feel like this ALL the time

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 12:22am

  314. 314: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    #163 Starla

    Don’t know how to do the red face on here, but yeah I can relate, maybe not quite that bad, but talk about a crazy 8 LOL!!

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 12:27am

  315. 315: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i just threatend an “annoying” cd with getting cussed out!

    lol!

    it felt fun but i see he’s not answering…

    he’s not harassing me naymore tho either

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 12:36am

  316. 316: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    #225 Ella

    Just change your pics around on POF or put up a new one, it draws them in like moths to a flame. :D

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 12:37am

  317. 317: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    Sirens……!!!!!!!!
    OMG I will have to try to catch up with all of you over the weekend…I’m so lost on what you’ve all been up to.

    Couple of times today, I felt really weird. Like I wasn’t me or I wasn’t in my body. It was strange. As if I was hearing myself speak and seeing my hands move on my plate of food, but I felt non physical…almost like I didn’t know who I was or what I was doing there. It was weird!!!!!!!! I didnt like it and when I heard my voice talking I sounded like a foreign person that I didn’t know. Strange….

    I also have been having strange dreams like the other night I was on a boat and it was floating around the ocean in the dark, it was a small boat, I could see the creatures in the ocean and it was scary. I didn’t like that either!!!!

    What the…..????? is going on with me….

    Oh and by the way, I’m attracting male energy like crazy.

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 12:37am

  318. 318: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    ((Daria))

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 12:38am

  319. 319: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    thanks Emerson

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 12:40am

  320. 320: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    im thinking about the first time Security Man came to see me it was at 1 43 in the morning it felt so comfortable with him

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 12:41am

  321. 321: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    Regarding this article…well I’ve been on both sides of that decision, stay and fight for it or just walk away.

    I think I tend to walk away more often. I would like to change that now that I have Rori’s tools…I used to stick around and fight for the relationship to work only to find it a futile attempt…now I know why because I was too much in my boy energy and I was too into the outcome and the control mode to make it work. Now I know to be soft and girly and warm and omg….
    I have a new CD maybe…he has not asked me out officially and he’s about ten years older, but wow he’s a powerful person with influence so I’m kinda intrigued…I can soo tell he likes me and is attracted….
    hee hee it’s kinda cute…The fact that he’s all smiley around me kinda turns me on! He’s kinda a big deal and people respect him! Lil ol me is a bit shy with this…

    I also have other guys wanting to be with me at times but I sort of have been brushing past them…like I don’t have time, I know that is bad, but I’m busy and I have to be selective with my time, it’s precious…and i am always nice though.

    Still think about Recycled CD. ALL.THE.TIME. argh…hate it.

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 12:45am

  322. 322: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    wow annoying cd comes back with a bang!

    annoying cd: i wana fuc*k

    daria: im feelin sad rite now so you gonna get cussed out if u keep it up

    annoying cd: Lol cuss words don’t hurt me im from the hood, how come u sad

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 12:56am

  323. 323: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    wow Emerson your vibe sounds WAY DIFFERENT and super attractive! yay!

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 12:58am

  324. 324: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Emerson, it feels nice to see you posting!! I can’t fully remember — what happened with Recycled CD? If it’s painful to talk about, you could give me “cliff’s notes”. sorry i don’t remember=/

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 1:16am

  325. 325: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    “Lol cuss words don’t hurt me im from the hood, how come u sad”

    yes more of this please and thank you, sexy men of the world.

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 1:41am

  326. 326: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    hehe

    Guyfriend CD is coming through!

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 1:44am

  327. 327: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    or not! he’s like flaking!

    but i called Getright to ask about smoke for sale

    and nwo he calls me back liek “yeah whatsup BOO”

    im like… umgh hi Getright im just calling about smoke

    lol! :D BOO huh that felt flattering …

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 2:04am

  328. 328: ldrhourglassNo Gravatar says:

    I find leaning back very difficult. I feel so scared. I feel pulled in all directions. Intellectually I understand that he is under a lot of pressure and my own loneliness is contributing to asking him for more time. I understand even that he may not be able to do anything till he finishes his course (we are not very young and I am older) but I feel so neglected. I feel he has everyone and everything to distract himself and never feel the need to connect with me. We have been fighting so much over this. He has pulled the silent treatment again on me. He responds to questions and if I tell him I am going out, he says things like take care about travelling back at night and all. But he has stopped initiating. He feels I am not happy and he tries to do as much as he could but I seem to want more and more. I do not know how to break the pattern. Please help. I have been obsessing and it feels so bad.

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 2:09am

  329. 329: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    Emerson!!!!! Good to see you back. :)

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 2:24am

  330. 330: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    {{{{Brenda}}}} – where are you?

    Come on, don’t go hiding under the duvet this is your perfect time to HEAL…………

    Spam the blog and get it all out!!

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 2:25am

  331. 331: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    STS,

    RE: #282 – I agree with you about meetup groups not specifically labeled “singles”. This sounds so judgmental, but it wasn’t exactly the creme of the crop. And there would be less pressure in a group of people with a specific interest, not just talking about playing bored games. Oh please.

    I came out of there feeling totally missing Ryan, and that can’t be, because I’ve got to leave him alone. I leaned back all week, 6 days, and then totally lost it and texted (more than once) when I got out of that meetup group.

    And what’s worse is he keeps me isolated, looking like a fool, with his denial of it being anything but a friendship between us. His words say one thing while his eyes and frequent negotiation of our “friendship” say quite another. I am left much like a hooked fish, being reeled in for the kill.

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 2:35am

  332. 332: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Sirens,

    Please can we have a paradigm shift?

    Leaning back is not hard.

    It friggin ROCKS!

    It is just a habit we have to get into…

    Now that it is the norm for me leaning forward actually feels uncomfortable and weird.

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 2:47am

  333. 333: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Brenda – men can have sex with women they consider friends…rori talks about the “erotic component” that can be there… and that as a woman we can mistake that as romantic interest

    my guess as explanation for the looks and negotiation/flirting/sexual/intimate moments

    that’s what kept me hooked with Guywho i remember that and im seeing your words in that

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 2:50am

  334. 334: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Ok now I feel a bit harsh…

    I know it can be hard (leaning back) however what I want is for us to choose to drop that, and focus on what is great about when we use the tools.

    Feels easier to me for the most part.

    Just trying to help.

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 2:53am

  335. 335: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    yeah its not hard

    right now tho i feel a bit sad

    i did lean forward a bit and wrote a previous CD back that i hadnt answered for 2 months (cuz he panicked when he couldnt get thru to me and assumed i was avoiding him, and said some agressive stuff about that… and i felt turned off … i dont want to feel attacked or blamed)

    i felt guilty cuz he had gone down on me the first time we met and actually we clicked… and then i never answered his calls or messages

    and i kept thinking of his lil self esteem beign hurt (a past pattern thing for me)

    anyway i wrote him

    not a biggie tho

    i feel all sad neighbor guy flaked on me

    and guy i had sex with hasnt called me

    im all obsessing about him i notice

    hormones!

    i want to get an std check im tihnking before i have sex again

    and typin this thought ok i can use a condom too if i dont

    i dont have to hold back from sex just cuz i had it

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 2:54am

  336. 336: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i deserve lots of sex, not just when im starving for it

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 2:54am

  337. 337: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    (((((Brenda)))))

    Here to support you with the weight side of things if you want it.

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 3:04am

  338. 338: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Silver Moonbeam,

    Thank you! I feel scared. This thing is bigger than a date gone wrong and I feel isolated because no one believes me what is really going on…understandably, since Ryan’s words make it sound like it is all in my head. I don’t know if it is wise to put it out here.

    All I know is he has a powerful grip on me. One of my best friends, ID, is the only one of my friends who knows him personally. She and her kids stayed with me for 3 weeks in 2009 when they were homeless, so they were around Ryan a lot.

    She has been very concerned about me this week, calling me at least twice a day to see if I am alright. She has warned me I MUST get away from him, and I believe she is right. I have decided I will either call or email him today to end it, because I can see from last night that I don’t have the control to tell him in person, or I will just fall back into it again and not stick with breaking away.

    You don’t have to believe me that he is interested in more than friendship. I believe he is interested in owning my soul. But in the meantime, please believe me that I have to end it and don’t let me get away with anything less if he tries to suck me back in (and I do mean suck, because I feel like a victim being sucked dry by a vampire).

    I felt almost shocked at the pull to see him last night after 6 days of successfully leaning back and controlling myself (barely) with not contacting him. This has to end. Today.

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 3:19am

  339. 339: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Ella,

    RE: #336 – Thank you! I will contact you.

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 3:23am

  340. 340: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    P.S. My friend, ID, has seen me at my worst. I contacted her in the two days following his fake proposal in 2009 in order to protect myself, because she walked me thru it when I was sui*cidal. She knows him and the situation intimately, and I am letting her press me to end it with serious urgency, because she is also very insightful.

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 3:26am

  341. 341: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Ella I totally agree with you

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 3:31am

  342. 342: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Ella, I sent you a FB message. Let me know if you prefer for me to contact you a different way.

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 3:42am

  343. 343: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Starbright and everyone else being so supportive and caring,

    Thank you very much!

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 3:44am

  344. 344: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    FlowerChild,

    RE: #285 – Thanks. He isn’t interested in more than friendship. He is just interested in owning my soul.

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 3:46am

  345. 345: silver moonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    R is mentally ill not evil

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 3:54am

  346. 346: seamNo Gravatar says:

    R is mentally ill not evil

    R

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 3:56am

  347. 347: silver moonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    R is not evil he is mentally ill

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 4:29am

  348. 348: JillyNo Gravatar says:

    It seriously still amazes me that I can get hung up on someone and let my NV’s go crazy ….and let my vibe “crash”

    WOW…

    So just because I didn’t hear from Rugby Man last night I feel all insecure and needy and unsure….

    ugggg…will it always feel like this?

    with a man that I feel excited about?

    I have my own life that I feel excited about…I have other CD’s…

    What is this??

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 5:31am

  349. 349: JillyNo Gravatar says:

    It makes me really want to remember pre Rori…like …how was I? Did I initiate a lot? I feel sure that I would pick up the slack…and make it easier…

    I didn’t sleep well last night…I was feeling anxiety…what? seriously? NO!!! I don’t want to feel this way!!! I do NOT want to feel hung up on any one man!!

    But then I feel like I need to shut down a little…to make that happen…I’m good at that part

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 5:34am

  350. 350: JillyNo Gravatar says:

    It must be the oxytocin thing…

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 5:42am

  351. 351: JillyNo Gravatar says:

    oooooh…Rori talks about this in Commitment Blueprint…I’m going to go watch again…yay I feel happy about this

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 5:46am

  352. 352: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    From how to date a millionaire by A Fox

    5. DO NOT ASK FOR MONEY.

    Millionaires are always on the lookout for the classic “gold digger.” They are looking out for women who obviously want money from them and nothing else.

    Do NOT be that woman. Even if your financial situation is precarious, do not ask for money. It is okay to explain your situation to him IF he asks you,
    but by all means, do NOT request anything of him.

    What if he offers money to you? Many millionaires do this at the beginning of a relationship to see how you might react to his offer. It is best to politely turn it down.

    However, if you have been dating for a while and he begins to insist on giving you money, it might be time to sit down and have a long talk about what you want from the relationship. Starting with
    “I want you, not your money” is a good way to broach the subject.

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 6:12am

  353. 353: JillyNo Gravatar says:

    I guess I’m the only one up :/

    so my take away…it’s great to feel my feelings…but it’s what I DO with those feelings that determines everything…ya..ok…lean back…let the water wheel come towards me…flow over me with sparkles…ahhh…that feels better…

    Hope everyone has a great day…I’m off to school… :)

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 6:13am

  354. 354: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    160:

    Luzydel,

    I totally “get” you. I miss me too.
    I am taking this weekend reconnecting w myself.

    I’ve been out partying and cd’ing for the past 2 weekends.
    I had plans to go w my gf to have dinner w her single brother, then go out.
    After talking over the phone last night, we both agreed that we were “party’d out”.
    We’ll take a rain check.

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 6:20am

  355. 355: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Take a look at all the buildings. Take a look at the cars. Take a look at the houses. Take a look at the streets, look at the highways. Take a look at everything you see around you today, and ask yourself, “What is the common denominator to all of this?”

    It’s called a foundation. Everything that’s built – whether it’s a car, a house, a building – is built from the ground up, one piece at a time. The car cannot run without the drive train and the wheels. The building cannot stand tall in the sky without the base. The house would fall over if not for the frame.

    So, how does this relate to your life? I want you to look back today at all your past relationships, and ask yourself, “If I spent more time on the foundation, could those relationships have worked better?” We get so caught up in the beginning of a relationship and how great we’re feeling. We love what we’re feeling. We’re amazed at what we’re feeling.

    It’s always about the feeling: that feeling of being loved, the feeling of seeing something for the first time, the feeling great sex. It’s all about feelings. The problem is that when we are so caught up in Feeling Land, we tend to overlook some of the cracks in the foundation that may come up in the future.

    Relationships are no different than a building or a company, whatever it might be. Everything needs a solid foundation.

    So, the next time you get involved in a relationship – and I’m not telling you not to embrace the feeling, because your feelings are definitely justified—spend more time working on the foundations of love and understanding. Work towards understanding their love language, understanding their needs, wants, and desires, and giving them what they need. This is the building of a foundation.

    They need to do the same thing for you, because if not, then the love that you’re building will not last. If we do this right, and we ignore those feelings of lust, then we’ll get a little sense of reason in our heads. Our relationships will stand a much better chance to survive.

    A relationship is a building. It’s the park; it’s the house;l it’s your entire universe. It could be the foundation of so many amazing things that happen to you. So if you’re dating someone now, think about the foundation first, and embrace the feelings, and make sure the foundation is solid.

    I want all of you to have a really successful love life.

    Your friend

    David Wygant

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 6:21am

  356. 356: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Brenda

    “Thank you! I feel scared. This thing is bigger than a date gone wrong and I feel isolated because no one believes me what is really going on…understandably, since Ryan’s words make it sound like it is all in my head. I don’t know if it is wise to put it out here.

    All I know is he has a powerful grip on me. One of my best friends, ID, is the only one of my friends who knows him personally. She and her kids stayed with me for 3 weeks in 2009 when they were homeless, so they were around Ryan a lot.”

    I believe you.

    And the thing is that he only does what he does because you let him.

    I think the way round it is to just agree with him.

    ‘Oh yes dating is totally the right thing for me’

    ‘Yes it is only friendship’

    And then keep your distance.

    Or, what worked with MWC, when I was CONVINVCED he was taking coke, was that I just sat there, decided to be completely open (although willing to do whatever I needed to look after myself), I surrendered to the possibility that I may not know what was happening.

    It felt scary.

    And I quietly said ‘Well I am seeing a different reality from you. And I don’t know what to do’

    That opened the conversation right up. For him to tell me his reality (at the time I didn’t believe him but I was willing to keep an open mind, and just entertain the possibility that there might be a different option than the one I was seeing, or at very least that he believed there was), and I just quietly and openly listened to him.

    Then I quietly explained my reality.

    I asked him what we could do when we were seeing such different things.

    It didn’t get solved then, but it melted a lot of the conflict, panic and urgency, and allowed me to see him just as another person without judding and putting him through my filters.

    And in the end with me it looks like I may have been the one not seeing what was really there.

    But, that didn’t really matter in the end.

    All that mattered was respecting each other as people and deciding whether or not it was working for me.

    Without trying to solve it. Or take any drastic feeling action.

    Just my experience I thought I would share.

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 6:23am

  357. 357: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Sorry, amendment to 353

    ‘He only does what he does because you let him’

    Sounds so conrolling.

    What I mean is he does what he does and he only does it to ‘you’ because you let him.

    You can choose to accept or reject.

    xoxox

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 6:34am

  358. 358: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    Can’t believe that I feel good being home w myself and not feeling lonely. Wow, that feels great! :)

    There are so many things I want to do, I don’t know where to start. I really want to make the most out of it, bc I plan on being busy and going out, cd’ing and the whole 9 yards.

    There’s a cd that is growing on me, but I want to join an online dating site. I don’t want to zero in on only 1 guy.
    I want the entire catalog open to do window shopping and have plenty of options to choose from.
    I don’t want to get totally into the 1st guy that comes along.

    When I 1st started seeing D, he had asked me what I was looking for in a relationship.
    I told him that I was very happy w my life the way it was, that I felt complete.
    I said “I don’t feel any empty holes that I need to fill, so I don’t want a bf just to say I have a bf. I just want to have fun getting to know you, be in the moment, and if it develops into a romantic relationship, it will add to my already existing happiness. Of course, I do want a happy comitted relationship, I do want to live w someone some day. But I don’t want to fall into the trap of seduction or love at 1st sight. I want a real solid relationship.”

    He went on to put so much pressure on me, I felt suffocated. But I was also afraid to miss an opportyunity on a great guy. His neighbourlady (was my friend back then) had only good things to say about him an strongly encouraged me to be with him.
    At the same time, I felt frozen in fear to open up to him and let myself feel anything for him. I felt afraid of intimacy, afraid to later feel trapped.

    Right now, I feel scared to fall into that trap when I cd. I’m afraid to cave in to that pressure from a man again, and lose my aim to get to know him and just be in the moment, moment by moment without any pressure.

    That’s what I like about my current cd. He’s not in a hurry to just get with any woman.
    He’s learning to be on his own and connecting to himself.
    There’s no dating, so we’re just casually getting to know each other without any pressure.
    That feels so freeing! :)

    I’ve always stepped over myself to avoid missing an opportunity w a good guy. But the guys that have pressured me soooo much right at the start, all turn out to be extremely insecure men who do not know who they really want, they just know they desperately want “someone” in their lives, anyone.

    I feel so good cd’ing w a mature man who is taking his time to be w himself and learning to enjoy himself without a woman in his life.
    And I am doing the same.
    A man like that really inspires me to trust him.
    I’ve always been closed off, cold and distant bc I never trusted myself to make the right choice.
    When I have found myself trapped in the wrong choice, I never knew how to handle myself.

    I feel confident that I will know how to handle myself now, bc of what I learned from Rori, and what I learned about myself through my failed relationships.

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 6:47am

  359. 359: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Hmmm, I am feeling disconnected from MWC.

    And that’s ok.

    I was out in town earlier promoting my businesses and I saw some BEAUTIFUL, sexy feeling sleep sets.

    Silky ones in my favourite colours.

    And I decided not to buy them yet as I am still needing to be careful with my finances until I manifest lots of money :-)

    So I didn’t… but who knows, maybe I will, if I do well this week.

    As a reward.

    Oh, and I bought myself a cake as a naughty treat, and have just had a small(ish) amount.

    Am going to eat some salad and fish before going to work in a bit.

    Oh and first some housework…

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 6:52am

  360. 360: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    I feel good catching up w you sirens this morning :)
    I have missed you all.

    Yesterday after work, I went shopping at the dept store and treated myself:
    I bought a cushioned bulletin board to make my wishboard.
    I bought these cutsy pins to pin my pictures on the board.
    You know how I’ve often said how I enjoy being in the woods? Well I bought myself an indoor tree.

    I now have pretty plants and flowers in every room.
    They are all plastic and fabric, but the fakes are made to look so real nowadays.
    My place feels so warm, cozy and romantic.
    I achieved it by gradually getting stuff bit by bit over the last 2 and a half years.
    The same amount of time that lasted my relationship w D.
    I had started dating him only a month after I moved in here.
    Funny how that relationship has brought me to connect to myself, and as the relationship evolved, I’ve been gradually getting my place to reflect ME.
    Hmmm, I look back and see that the last 2 and half years have all been about propelling me to connecting to myself.

    That thought makes me feel peaceful.

    I so strongly wished to connect to myself, and eventhough things have been painfull for me, it has all happened perfectly to provide me w the opportunities to heal and grow into connecting w myself and falling in love w myself.

    I AM becoming the SIREN I always wanted to be. :)

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 7:07am

  361. 361: LuzydelNo Gravatar says:

    I wont have a car until monday, Ugh! I wanted to go for a drive, and then go to dance class. I guess it is time to finish clearing up the clutter in my apartment. Things I need to improve about myself are:

    *Be more organized
    *Do not procrastinate
    *Be more social to the people outside, instead to the people on the computer.
    *Let things happen…

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 7:08am

  362. 362: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Ella,

    Re 353- ty. Very helpful. I will use some of that verbatim.

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 7:13am

  363. 363: WildflowerNo Gravatar says:

    I always feel so nervous and vulnerable posting on the blog since it’s out on the internet for everyone to see, but I’m feeling desperate so here goes.

    Sirens I ended a three month relationship with a man a few weeks ago because I found out he was lying about being divorced, and most likely lying about many other things. He told me all of the “right” things during the time we dated such as we’re going to get engaged, have children, he wants to be with me forever, etc. etc.

    My gut felt weary of him from day one, but I decided to keep dating him as an experiment. Eventually his actions spoke louder than his charming words and I ended it (and I do not communicate with him anymore). I could get in to all of the things that he did that didn’t “make sense” or align with the words he was telling me but I don’t want to be too wordy.

    The thing is part of me feels sad about the breakup. I feel sad and frustrated starting over.

    The other MAJOR thing is the deceit. I find myself constantly wondering what was true and even worse who this man truly is. I suspect he lies about a lot of things. He was only here temporarily for work and then moved to another country, so noone else really knows him. I don’t know why I need this confirmation or have this desire to play detective and figure it out. I know it is not good for me and will only hold me back.

    Has anyone ever dealt with a person who deceives? I’m getting back in to circular dating, trying to stay busy, I listen to Rori’s recordings and other uplifting recordings while I’m writing at work. But I feel so all alone, like noone truly understands what it feels like to have someone “figure out” what in life is so important to you and then use it to manipulate you.

    It’s like I wish I could just talk to someone who has known the “real” him for a while and could confirm that he is truly a liar. I know this will never happen and besides I already have 100% confirmation he lied about his marriage. But these thoughts are running me right now :-( Does anyone have any advice???

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 7:14am

  364. 364: T-GirlNo Gravatar says:

    LiliBee – you are sounding so good today! I love your wishboard idea with the cushioned bulletin board. I actually started cutting out pictures of mine last year but then stopped. There are so many things I want to do but so little time!

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 7:20am

  365. 365: T-GirlNo Gravatar says:

    (((Brenda)))

    I still say don’t even contact him to tell him its over. There seems to be no purpose in that except as an ultimatum to expect a reaction for change. Let him fall of your horse and make a big thud.

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 7:24am

  366. 366: T-GirlNo Gravatar says:

    Ella – I think recently you posted a link to your website for healthy eating? Can you repost it?

    I remember thinking I needed to go back and look at it but the blog moves so fast I don’t know where it is anymore.

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 7:26am

  367. 367: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    T Girl,

    Sure.

    http://www.redsirens.co.uk

    This take you to the home page and you can navigate around from there.

    Contact me if you have any questions.

    xoxox

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 7:30am

  368. 368: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    358:

    Luzydel,

    You are such a mirror of me. I feel like hugging you and telling you that you are so awesome!

    The fact that you are awesome, you desserve to be loved and cherished, especially by YOU.

    I have spent my life wanting to “improve”.
    That word feels icky to me now, coz “improve myself” feels like I reject myself, that something is wrong w me.
    The most profound “transformation” for me is accepting myself totally…then everything else changes.
    I no longer want to “improve”, I want to “learn, grow and evolve”. Those words feel so much more loving and compassionate towards myself.
    When I used the word “improve”, I felt trapped and pressured, like I felt with D.
    When I use the words “learn, grow, evolve”, I feel cherished by myself like I am giving myself a precious gift.
    I feel light and free, like I feel w my new cd.

    Luzydel, I see you being harsh w yourself just like I was with myself not very long ago.

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 7:33am

  369. 369: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    But Luzydel,

    I do see you going on the right track to loving yourself.
    You are really determined to take care of yourself and not let yourself down.
    Wow, I am awwed at your courage and your strength! :)

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 7:36am

  370. 370: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    361:

    Thanks T-Girl ;)

    Just the fact that you do cut out your pictures plants the seeds and keeps your desires alive.
    So even if you don’t have time to make your board, you did the 1st step of recognizing what you want and claiming it by cutting out the pics. :)
    The time will show up sometime.

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 7:40am

  371. 371: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Hmmm, realising.

    I feel very unsure about cake as a treat…

    I do sometimes have it.

    And to be honest I am not sure how much I enjoy it.

    I mean it tastes good. But not sure I feel too good after.

    I don’t like the sugar rush feeling.

    It leaves me feeling a bit strung out and tight in my chest.

    I may need to re-adjust my idea of what a ‘treat’ food is.

    Maybe a nice fruit smoothie or something like that instead.

    Or oatcakes with peanut butter.

    However I don’t want to scare my clients off by being too radical and purist, and I honestly believe balance is healthy.

    I mean to me Gillian McKeith does NOT look healthy whereas Nigella Lawson does!!! And she does eat fat and sugar sometimes…

    Good quality ingredients and occasional indulgence.

    It is something I am still experimenting on with myself and my clients to see what works.

    Sirens what are your opinions on this??

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 7:48am

  372. 372: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    I feel disconnected.

    And I don’t want to feel like an after thought!

    Pouty face.

    Yes, I am glad you miss me.

    A real date would feel good.

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 7:51am

  373. 373: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    Ella,

    Follow-up from the last thread…

    Our zumba instructor is only offering a zumba festival on the beach and his guidance to visit his home country…we all have to pay our own way $.

    What do you think about outdoor zumba for the summer?

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 7:54am

  374. 374: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Hi girls!

    The morning is here and I ATW havn’t call me yet… Been almost 3 days…

    After how many days can we say they “poofed” ?

    I’m should be crying my life away right now, but I just feel blah and a little strong too.

    I woke up with a semi-headache because of the bottle of wine I had last night and didn’t sleep my 8 hours beauty sleep because my mom woke me up ringing at my door.

    I just want to stay on the couch all day but since I’m awake earlier, I’m gonna run before my hair appointment. It’s gonna distract me.

    And I bet I’l gonna be tired when coming back from my appointment but I really don’t want to go into lazy-suranalyzing mode so on my way back, I’ll go buyb a coffee (and maybe some goodies) at Starbuck and come back and clean the house.

    I’m not sure if I feel too much like going out with my guy friend tonight. Maybe it’s a good idea but I feel like staying home and watch Bridget Jones Diary. Never saw it believe it or not…

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 7:58am

  375. 375: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    And now, I just thought about that by the beginning of the week, I thought that ATW was trying to make me the one and now he haven’t call for 3 days… I feel so confuse. I guess I was wrong about thinking he wanted me to be the one… :(

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 8:01am

  376. 376: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    I think he he comes back, I’m gonna have to think of a Feeling message about this.

    He came home on Sunday, spent the night here. I told him it feels bad when I sleep with a man and don’t hear from him after. He contacted me 3 days in a row…

    And dissapeared for (so far) 3 days…

    That doesn’t feel good. Anyone has ideas for a FM about that? I don’t want to blame him, I don’t want him to feel that I am manipulating him…

    Ideas?

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 8:05am

  377. 377: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    371:

    Lizka,

    I’m sure you will love that movie!

    The character in that movie feels so “real”. She’s not created to “look” good, she’s created to be so “real”.

    I bought “Valentine’s Day” yesterday. Can’t wait to curl up and watch it tonight…all by myself so I can fully immerse myself in it.
    I haven’t been able to get myself to do that in sooo long.
    When I used to, it felt so comforting.

    When I lived in my house w my ex, we had a projector in the basement livingroom w a 125 inch screen on the wall, and a huge cushy sofa.
    It felt so good to sink into the sofa and immerse myself in a good movie.

    Ahhh, I miss that!

    I still have the huge cushy sofa though :)

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 8:12am

  378. 378: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    T-Girl,

    RE: #362 – “I still say don’t even contact him to tell him its over. There seems to be no purpose in that except as an ultimatum to expect a reaction for change. Let him fall of your horse and make a big thud.”

    He is not going to fall off the horse unless I push him off. I gave him trust and faith as we reconnected since Christmas, despite how deeply I had been hurt in 2009. I have been closely watching my emotions as a gauge of whether or not it was going to be a healthy relationship this time around.

    Up until this past week, it has felt mostly good. The exception was when he led me on with the extreme flirting, only to tell him it was just talk for fun. But I let it ride. This time around, after ignoring me for 6 days after one of our best dates ever, including Valentine’s Day ignoring me, I am sure that it is still toxic.

    I had promised myself when I chose to reconnect with him that if I started feeling pain and confusion again, as I did in 2009, I would end it. By ending it, I am NOT looking for him to change. I am looking to PROTECT MY HEART.

    I feel at a loss to fully explain the dynamics of this more than toxic relationship. I am no longer looking for more than friendship. He has proven he is going to go right on hurting me, in a psychological way.

    It is not a question of if he is looking for just friendship or for romance. He wants neither. He wants to own my soul. He wants to fully dominate me. Call it slavery thru brainwashing. Call it mind control.

    I am breaking away from it verbally because I need to. If I let it hang, I will go back to him. I cannot do that. My boy is protecting my girl. I cannot survive again what I survived in 2009.

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 8:16am

  379. 379: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    RE 357 Lilibee I was just watching Whitney Houston in Try It on My Own. I recommend you check out that song or video. It so reflects what you say here.

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 8:22am

  380. 380: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    Lizka,

    Remember it’s still ‘go with the flow’ February ;) Please just let it be, give him time and space. Lean back, it will only bring him closer to you. Do not initiate..

    I watched and old movie where a guy spends an amazing weekend with a girl and the next day goes away for a week. His first words when he comes back are: I am in love with you, I realized that while I was away from you.

    Sounds amazing, right? What is also amazing is that she wasn’t thinking too much about it, just remembered their weekend together with a dreamy smile.. so when she heard the words, she felt happy and surprised.

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 8:22am

  381. 381: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    RE 357 Lilibee I was just watching Whitney Houston in Try It on My Own. I recommend you check out that song or video. It so reflects what you say here.

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 8:23am

  382. 382: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Lizka did you tell him how much contact you need from him?

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 8:24am

  383. 383: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    373:

    Lizka,

    I think if you already told him last Sunday, it would kinda be like beating a dead dog repeating it again.

    You can keep feeling like this, and he can keep being this way bc you are always available for him when He wants, on His terms.

    If you can feel better being alone w yourself than accepting a last minute request from him…you can use a FM along the lines…
    “I don’t feel good waiting around, especially when I end up feeling disappointed, so I made plans for myself. I feel important and cherished when someone plans time for me.”
    If he says “why don’t you ask me for plans then?”
    You can say “I don’t feel good chasing after a man. I’m a girl, and girls like to feel desired and cherished”

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 8:24am

  384. 384: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Ryan just called me after I texted him asking if we could talk. I read him my script, and he said he thinks that’s the best thing to do if I’m getting hurt. He didn’t really share his feelings, just that he feels uncomfortable when I talk about this stuff. I said what I said as gently, softly, and slowly as I could.

    No matter what else, I see clearly that there is a very fragile, tender, caring man beneath all the schizophrenia, held tight in a prison.

    He said he didn’t contact me for Valentine’s Day because he didn’t want to give me mixed messages.

    I just set a boundary. Now comes the hard part: holding that boundary.

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 8:27am

  385. 385: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Sirens,

    Well… I sort of ended up with option 2, but with a twist. He called around 10 to say he was on his way, but wouldn’t make it in time to get the girls to the party, so he asked me to take them. At first I resisted, said maybe someone could meet me… and then he said,

    “C, they are going to be busy. Why can’t you take them?”

    I said, “I don’t really feel like driving the whole way up (40 min.), but guess I’ll call your mom and ask the name of the place so I can google it.”

    He said I didn’t need to google it, gave me very clear directions. Then I asked if he’d gotten a present or not. He said he hadn’t thought about it, but I could stop and get something, he’d pay me whatever it costs. The girls would feel embarrassed to show up at the party without a gift, so I’m doing it for them more than for him.

    So, I called his sister to ask what my niece would want, didn’t reach her and called his mom. Sirens, she sounds sooo bad, her voice kept cracking, she sounds weak, and she was at work til 1. I felt so bad, thinking I didn’t want to drive the whole way up, forgetting she has freaking cancer. I felt selfish and low. She was sweet on the phone, said she’d find out and call me back. She did, said A would love money, loves to shop, so we’ll stop and get a card, and some balloons or flowers, that is easy enough.

    I was wondering why he got such a late start, knowing what tie the party started, even if he’d left an hour earlier, he’d have easily made it. I was feeling uncomfortable about seeing his family, especially his sister, but after speaking with his mom and texting with his sister, I feel a lot better about it. Wonder if this is presenting itself for me to heal those bad feelings and get more connected with them again?

    He just called, is stuck in a bunch of traffic, so still sounds crabby. I do feel good though, it’s not bothering me as much as it normally would. In fact, not really bothering me at all. I feel bad for him he’s sitting in traffic, but he could have left earlier… was his choice.

    I feel so good my house is all clean. I took a long hot bath last night, so my muscles feel relaxed. I feel excited that I’ve lost 12 pounds total so far, 38 more to go to meet my goal weight, which is so doable! I feel relieved that things will be better with my inlaws. I feel healthy, for the first time in a week! I feel happy to see my friend later tonight and maybe my sister too. I feel like eating bar food and listening to a band. Hope they want that too!

    Ok, off to get them packed for the sleepover and get myself dressed. Plan to leave here in 45 min.

    Hugs to you all. Happy Saturday! Make it special :)

    Brenda, it will all be ok. You are doing great!

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 8:28am

  386. 386: LuzydelNo Gravatar says:

    Poem by Julia De Burgos…sort of like I feel right now; a battle between the external me and the internal me

    For you are garment and I essence;
    And the greatest abyss lies between the two.
    You are the cold-blooded puppet of social deceit,
    And I, the driving splendour of human truth.
    You, of courtesan hypocrisies…the honey; not I;
    Whose heart is revealed in my poems…all.
    You are like your world, selfish; not I;
    Who dares all to be what I truly am.
    You are merely the implacable, elegant lady;
    Not I; I am life, I am strength, I am woman.
    You belong to your husband, to your master; not I;
    I belong to no one, or to everyone, because to all,
    everyone,
    In wholesome feeling and thought, I give myself.
    You curl your locks and paint yourself, not I;
    I am curled by the wind; brightened by the sun.
    You are homebound, resigned, submissive,
    Confined to the whims of men; not I;
    I am Rocinante galloping recklessly
    Wandering through the boundaries of God’s justice.
    You are not in command of self; everyone rules you:
    You are ruled by your husband, your parents, relatives,
    The priest, the seamstress, theatre, club,
    The car, jewels, the banquet, champagne,
    Heaven and hell and… social hearsay.
    But not me, I am ruled by my heart alone,
    My sole thought; it is “I” who rules myself.
    You, aristocratic blossom; and I, the people’s blossom.
    You are well provided for, but are indebted to everyone,
    While I, my nothingness to no one owe.
    You, nailed to the stagnant ancestral dividend;
    And I, but one digit in the social cipher.
    We are the encroaching, inevitable duel to the death.
    When the multitude uncontrolled runs,
    The ashes of injustices, burnt, left behind,
    And when with the torch of the seven virtues,
    The throng to the seven sins gives chase,
    I will be against you and against all
    That is unjust and inhuman.
    Upholding the torch… I shall be among the throng.

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 8:29am

  387. 387: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Wildflower my humble opinion is that this man came into your life to remind you to trust your intuition. I would see if I could find some gratitude for him and send it energetically then move on to live my life.

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 8:30am

  388. 388: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Wow, I am feeling a bit like a bottomless pit craving attenion from MWC (or anyone) today.

    And it seems like nothing he can do could ever fill it up…

    Ok, lets switch it.

    This is a stength because I like to feel connected and close and do fun things together.

    I appreciate all the fun things he creates for us to do together.

    And how can I top myself up?

    Well, I am sitting here on the sofa feeling cosy.

    I have just has salad and fish to eat.

    Outside is cold and windy so I feel cosy.

    I feel beautiful today and when I get ready for work in a min and brush up my make up I will do some strecthing too and maybe put on some music.

    So all good.

    Then in the car on the way to work I will turn up my music and maybe sing along, and I will drive through the country lanes.

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 8:32am

  389. 389: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    I love the way you plan stuff for us to do.

    It makes me feel really cherished and important.

    :-)

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 8:35am

  390. 390: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    322: Daria says:
    “wow annoying cd comes back with a bang!

    annoying cd: i wana fuc*k”

    ******************
    LOL that’s what Recycled used to say to me! It used to turn me on, it was so raw and hot and sexy :-)

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 8:39am

  391. 391: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Turq I believe he could have left at the time he did because he might not be fully well as yet? But it seems to me that you are too focused on that. Also I believe if you take the girls all the way it will make a lasting impression on him. I am sure he would want all his family on good terms. It could show him some of the change taking place in you.

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 8:42am

  392. 392: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Lizka I believe you should tell him how much contact you need. Find out from him about how much he thinks he is willing to give. Then between the two of you find a middle ground that both can be comfortable with and a plan how to work it out. He might not be willing to call you everyday. He has needs too and until he is willing to contact everyday he will not do it. Either that or he will give you want you want and then move back to what feels comfortable to him. You might be way ahead of him on the relationship timeline.

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 8:49am

  393. 393: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    I had prepared this letter for Ryan to get my thoughts clear before we talked. I decided to email it to him, so he could re-read it and give him something to think about while we are apart:

    Dear Ryan, the beautiful, tender hearted man who I love with all my heart,

    I wrote this in preparation to talk to you, because I want to handle your tender heart as delicately as possible. I decided to send it to you, even tho I have said on the phone some of this here. I thought that way maybe reading my perceptions may help you in your journey out of your prison. And because I don’t want to hurt you, and I hope I haven’t.

    There are so many reasons I love you, and you have so many rich qualities that I adore. You are seeking God; you have genius-level intelligence; you have a tender, gentle, sensitive heart; you have emotional intelligence that I have learned from about how to relate to people; you are handsome, cute, classy, and I just love your long, silky hair. I have been in love with you for three years, and I have loved you as no woman ever loved a man.

    From the start, you had my complete attention. The more I knew you, the more I adored you. My nature is to be a one-man woman, and I would have died for you 3 years ago. I believe a healthy relationship is one where there is 100% giving and 100% giving, and I couldn’t give enough to you.

    At every turn, I felt deep frustration at my own shortcomings. I wanted to be perfect for you: slender, joyful, peaceful, debt-free, and socially smooth… But all I could do was work on myself as fast as I could, and I have been, for three solid years. I wanted to be my best self for you.

    After being deeply hurt, repeatedly, in 2009, I felt broken hearted, but I continued to love you. I held on to hope that you would find freedom, and that you would see how badly my heart had been broken. When you texted me, “I want you to avoid me until I get freedom”, I believed you wanted to treat me better in the future. When you told me that I didn’t know whether or not you cared if I was hurt, I believed you did care that I was hurt. So I gave you another chance.

    We reconnected in the summer of 2011, until my feelings multiplied exponentially and I tried to discuss our relationship with you. Then we reconnected on Christmas Eve 2011, the third anniversary of our first date, as I am sure you are aware. I felt deep hope that this time it would be different. I chose to put my trust in you once again, knowing that any reconnection was doomed if I didn’t give you my trust.

    I have learned, “If it feels good, keep doing it. If it doesn’t feel good, stop doing it.” For the most part, this past couple of months have felt good, although questionable (ignoring me on my birthday; leading me on with outrageous flirting and then saying you didn’t know better). But this past week, we are back to 2009, and it doesn’t feel good. After we connected in such a positive way last Friday and Saturday, I felt better than ever about our friendship.

    But this isn’t working for me. I feel completely confused. It feels weird not even being contacted on Valentine’s Day, even if we are just friends. It feels weird not being contacted hardly at all for a week after such a happy time with you. I have strong feelings for you, way above and beyond friendship. So I would feel best to stay out of contact for a little bit. What do you think?

    Ryan, here’s the thing: I believe the schizophrenia has well established mind control over YOU. And therefore you are allowing it to work thru you to establish mind control over ME. You can deny it all you want. You can tell me I’m delusional and I’m nuts. But you know and I know that you are trying to establish mind control over me. I will not have it. But I don’t want to see it happen with you, either, because I love you that much.

    Here’s what I think. I think that you were deeply hurt by a woman, or women, and that you developed a deep hatred and resentment for women. So you are taking it out on me, determined that no woman ever again will hurt you. Can you see how this is hurting you? Ryan, it is keeping you from the love of your life that you want! It is evil! It is sadistic!

    Once again, you have true love and you are throwing it away. You have a woman sitting here who loves you with all her heart. I am not going to put my life on hold anymore. I am looking to be a wife, and I am going to be dating like crazy, and I am not going to stop until I have a ring on my finger.

    I want to feel personally cherished and to enjoy a lot more together time with a man. I love myself and my happiness and future way beyond the possibility of a relationship and future together. My future is my happiness.

    I want you to have a happy future, too. And as long as the schizophrenia is taking up residence in your soul and sucking your life out of you, you cannot be happy. Please let Sue or Robb help you!! Please don’t let the schizophrenia control your mind!! You are too valuable! You are too beautiful to allow your personality to be destroyed in such a cruel way as it is with all this psychological pain. IT IS MIND CONTROL. Read about it online – guard yourself from it. I want to protect you, and yet I can’t. All I can do is pray for you and direct you to books and people that can protect you and help you.

    I will give you my music CDs as soon as I get them sorted. Please protect yourself! You are beautiful!

    With all my love,
    Brenda

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 8:49am

  394. 394: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks Daria and Silver Moon for your nice words. :-)

    Starla I met Recycled in 2008 about 6 months after my ToxicEx and I split up…I was in a very emotionally vulnerable place and feeling sad and lonely……

    Recycled and I (dated) were together off and on over the past few years, he is soo my ideal type and we have insanely great chemistry! He is easy to be around, makes me laugh, smells good, is fun, smart, but a liar. Over and over. :roll:

    So that’s the dealbreaker.

    He was married and didn’t tell me. :shock:

    Divorce pending, but still, it was so deceptive. Last Summer when we were reconnecting, his divorce was still going on and I found out he was living with a woman (not his wife) and he brazenly lied/hid it from me.

    Just sooo many lies, but in the meantime, he was soo magnetic and really into me big time, we used to spend A LOT of time together and I really fell for him.

    I still feel sad when I think of him now. He also helped me out financially sometimes, he would give me money (without me asking) and buy me stuff and always always paid for our dates…and I always felt safe with him (he is a cop).

    Anyway, after I found out last Summer that he lived with the woman (who was supposedly just a roommate…hmmph) I told him I want no contact. I was fed up.

    Haven’t heard from him since September.

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 8:49am

  395. 395: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    377:

    FW,

    I just watched it on Youtube with the lyrics.

    I instantly got a rush of goosebumps and tears in my eyes.
    I felt elated :) (I hope that’s the right word).

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 8:52am

  396. 396: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    Meanwhile, I’ve attracted other married men, but I sniff them out better now (intuition) and don’t give them any of my time or attention.

    Like GreenCD who kept talking to me at the coffee shop and asking me out,,,my third eye was tellingme something is up…and I asked him straight up if he is married and he said yes. :shock: OMG so I toldhim bye bye I don’t hang out with /spend time with/ go on dates with/ married men. He turned red and kept telling me how much he likes me and loves talking to me ect……I was never really interested in him at all in the first place. Buh bye!!!

    YAWN….(I think I literally yawned) and he left and I haven’t talked to him since. he had a weird mustache anyway like Hitler-ish. haha what a weirdo.

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 8:54am

  397. 397: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    In summary….my instincts are sharper or maybe I’m just listening better….to myself

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 8:55am

  398. 398: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    376 Memulo

    Wow thank you for telling me about this movie. It’s a beautiful story, I feel inspired and hopeful. xoxo

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 8:57am

  399. 399: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    It really spoke to me too Lilibee

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 8:57am

  400. 400: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    FW 378 –

    I told him I don’t feel good when I sleep with a man and don’t hear from him for several days after. He agreed…

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 8:58am

  401. 401: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Lili 379

    Thank you for the script. I love it a lot.

    I copied/pasted it in my phone and will use it when the time comes.

    :)

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 9:01am

  402. 402: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Yes Lizka and he contacted you 3 days in a row. 3 days. He might believe that is enough.

    In Reconnect Rori suggests that if a man wants commitment you tell him the terms of commitment. You need to see him 3 days during the week and with a lot of contact in between. I might be wrong but I don’t remember you suggesting that he asked for commitment or that you told him specifically how many days you need him to contact you. The way I see it is that he is trying but it is not enough for you. It seems you want him to contact you everyday.

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 9:02am

  403. 403: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    331 Ella I agree that it becomes easier to lean back and I cringe when I think about times that I leaned forward and overfunctioned. Now I just lean back and put my boy hat on when I need to do stuff for ME. Not for a man. I see a friend of mine getting in major boy mode helping out a new CD and it’s hard to watch. But it reminds me how much I’ve learned, and how I don’t want to behave that way,a nd I feel grateful for being aware of the disntinction.

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 9:03am

  404. 404: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Lizka this is one thing I understand from a lot of coaches why men withdraw. They except us to go psycho after we have sex with them. They have learned that lesson from other women before they met us.

    The good thing about leaning back, especially in your mind is that when the guy comes back we don’t have any negativity built up in our heads to let them have it. Mainly because we were not thinking about what it means so much. Being okay with uncertainty can work in your favor sometimes.

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 9:04am

  405. 405: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    I think 3 days is not that bad… He will most likely contact me this weekend… If he haven’t contact me after the weekend, then I’m gonna start worrying. 3 days is not that bad. He needs space, he was hanging out with his friends. Maybe even he needed all these women attention to realise he’s in love with me. Is that possible?

    Anyway I wish I could stay and chill on the blog but I have my hair appointment in 1.30 hour and I have to go take a shower and do my make up and dress. I want to feel super beautiful when I get out of there! :)

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 9:05am

  406. 406: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    I want a man to contact me every day! I had that before with my serious relationships and I cannot imagine not having contact every day if I’m really involved with a guy!!

    I feel like it’s nice that they want to check on me to make sure I’m ok every day…what if I got in a wreck or got locked out of my house???

    hmmph…a time or two I needed help and called Recycled and he didn’t answer. Later he apologized but it was too late, I had gotten help elsewhere. Gawd.

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 9:09am

  407. 407: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Also Lizka you chose to sleep with him. I am sure he thinks you did it because you wanted to. Placing demands on him just because you slept with him….. Put yourself in his shoes and see how you would feel. Some guys think that you do that just to bribe them or control them. Is that what you want to communicate to him?

    I would not give him any script or say anything unless he wants to sleep with me next time. You can tell him you got ahead of yourself and little and want to take it slow because you don’t want to get all hormonally hooked to a man who has not committed. This is if sex comes up again. Without a commitment you are just dating and I would encourage you to keep it as dates. I believe that is where you are confusing yourself and going down a rabbit hole where you feel trapped.

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 9:09am

  408. 408: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Emerson I would check in with myself why I need that, especially if there is no commitment. A man will do that when he wants to commit not because a woman demands it of him.

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 9:11am

  409. 409: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    Ella, regarding your comments/question about sugar and cakes…I think a little indulgence is fine. I personally LOVE cakes and cupcakes and cookies. I’m like Emerson the cookie monster nom nom…hahaha….

    But seriously that’s the bad part for me, I get bad sugar cravings and I’m in the process of changing my diet big time to get off of sugar!!

    I think a fruit smoothie is a great alternative treat! I make smoothies all the time in the morning (with just fruit and ice and a lil bit of soymilk) and love them!

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 9:12am

  410. 410: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Most of us don’t even connect with ourselves on a daily basis to take care of our own emotions or things in our own lives but we are requiring men to do that for us. I know I never did that until recently so I ask myself why do I want a man to disrupt his rhythm for me or if I can sometimes give myself the thing I am looking for from a man.

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 9:14am

  411. 411: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    404 Thanks FW!
    I agree and I feel that I’d only want that if I’m in a committed relationship with a man, and I would not expect (or want) it otherwise….

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 9:14am

  412. 412: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    406 FW
    “like”
    :-)

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 9:15am

  413. 413: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    Thinkin about Spring…I want this dress
    http://www.bodyc.com/products/tribal-print-maxi/

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 9:16am

  414. 414: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    388:

    FW, Lizka,

    My 2 cents: I feel it’s too soon to do the “contact frequency” talk. It hasn’t been long since he started coming around again, he hasn’t brought up wanting to be invested in the relationship yet.
    So to me, the “contact frequency” talk at this early stage would seem like wanting to trap him into being invested, controlling the outcome.
    He is allowed to feel free to invest or not.
    Freely wanting to invest would feel much more rewarding.

    It felt really good to me the “contact” talk you already had Lizka, regarding contact after intimacy. Bc it was perfect timing, it was “in the moment”.

    I would have the “contact frequency” talk only once he has shown he wants to be invested by making plans to see you Lizka.
    I feel at this point, the “making plans” FMs is more appropriate to this time and moment in the relationship.

    I feel icky at contradicting you FM, bc I highly value your input here.
    I feel arrogant contradicting someone I highly admire, like who do I think i am making her feel bad about what she’s saying.
    I really don’t want to make you feel bad, but I deeply believe what I’m saying and I care for Lizka alot.

    Please don’t let my opinion and feelings devalue your input, bc your are highly valuable to me here.

    I’m going to go out on a limb and not hide from myself here.

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 9:16am

  415. 415: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    LiliBee your input is valuable. Only Lizka can make that decision and I am putting things out there for consideration. I believe sex is what is creating the confusion and should not have taken place immediately when he came back. Sex is sex and not for barter. I believe the best bet is to not bring up anything but just assume that any contact will be for a date. It should be handled as a date and kept outdoors. If he wants to go home then and only then can the talk be initiated, particularly if the pattern is always sex when we end up indoors. It is kind of okay to assume that is where things will end up going. However, I believe that looking at the reason why I would want intimacy is the best place to look and operate from that base.

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 9:24am

  416. 416: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    I really feel like “going out” and dancing and drinking…I don’t have friends I can do that with right now. I feel sad about that. My friends have been drifting off to the distance because we are all doing different things…I’ve leaned forward with them to try and keep in touch and they are all too busy. :-(
    Feeling sad about that and I love my sad feelings.

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 9:25am

  417. 417: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    410 Lili

    No I decided anyway that I would not worry about the contact frequency anymore. We’re not there. And Last week too he didn’t contact me for 5 days than he spent part of the weekend with me. He’s like that and I should not worry about a few days with no contact.

    The only reason why I’m freaking out now about the no contact, it’s because of what my collegue said yesterday about him attracting girls like crazy in the bar but the two events are NOT necessary related and anyway it means absolutely nothing that he attracted girls. It doesn’t mean he left with a girl’s phone number or that he slept with her.

    I have to stop over analyzing. 3 days no contact is ok. And I understand that on Thursday and Friday he is out. So am I gonna do tonight :)

    But I’ll keep the script you suggested for the last minute plan. My weekend is all booked except for a little slot on Sunday night. But I set my own boundary that if he hasen’t call to make a plan when I come home after my hair appointment (so this is gonna be about 24 hours before tomorrow night), I will make my own plan for the night and not be available for him… Next time he’ll know that I need 24 hours notice.

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 9:50am

  418. 418: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Emerson 412

    It’s the story of my life too :(

    I so want to go out, drink and dance but my friends all have bf and they stay home and I keep leaning forward and they don’t move…

    Tonight, there’s a trance russian DJ at a club downtown. I want to go so badely. I asked one of my guy friend. He said “we can hang out but I don’t want to go at this club”…. so I guess we’re just gonna go to some boring bar and drink beer.

    I want to dress to impress and get a little drunk and dance all night and flirt. I don’t want to wear jeans and sit around a table and talk. Sometimes it’s fun, but not tonight. And I have no one to do that…

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 9:54am

  419. 419: elleNo Gravatar says:

    Brenda and Lizka, thinking a lot about you two today. I hope you both have a better and strong day.

    Brenda, I know you have been on a roller coaster for a long time with Ryan, but I truly believe that you are heading in the right direction. Once you take the focus off of him and put it with someone who will treat you wonderful, you will start to feel better, stronger, more self confident and like the goddess you are. Love yourself and keep telling yourself every time you feel weak that you are doing what is best for you. Write it down if you have to so that you can keep going back and reassuring yourself. Fight off the leaning forward urges. You can do this. Really you can.

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 10:03am

  420. 420: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    LILIBEE says…
    “I want to dress to impress and get a little drunk and dance all night and flirt. I don’t want to wear jeans and sit around a table and talk.”

    Totally know what you mean!!!!!!!

    You know what, a few years back I used to go out by myself, and I ALWAYS met people! Guys and girls! If I met a guy I would always make up a story that I have to go find my friends or something or my friend is texting me and excuse myself…then go back and dance if I’m interested. That way I feel safe like they don’t think I’m out alone (not that I’m embarrassed about it, but for safety reasons I don’t want men to know I’m at a club alone).

    Girl….go out by yourself to that club!!

    I’ve had some of the best times out alone…and I may just take my own advice and do just that!!!!!!

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 10:06am

  421. 421: Rori RayeNo Gravatar says:

    ldrhourglass – I know this sounds hopeless, but I have seen SO many turnarounds in what, for my clients – is a CLASSIC situation. Just recently, I’ve seen a complete, total turnaround in less than 3 weeks. From fighting, my client feeling and doing obsession, whining, controlling, him creating devastating withdrawal – to lovebirds. It sounds ridiculous – but if a man is able to step up, and you do these tools – he will. If you do them, and really are determined to practice them 24/7 – and he DOESN’T step up – then you know you’ve done everything you can…and then we talk about serious measures. Sometimes a man isn’t able. Finding that out is a good thing. It may not feel good – but for your love life – knowing what’s really going on is always good. But you can’t know that he’s not able until you throw yourself into this method 1000%. Love, Rori

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 10:09am

  422. 422: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    Hmm….I am thinking about how when I’m out alone, like a couple months ago I was at a bar waiting for a date with OceanCd (who turned out to be a dud) and I was all dressed up cute and sitting at a bar waterwheeling and doing I’m all that while I was waiting….just saying nothing and being there in the moment with a drink!

    And soo many guys talked to me and were friendly and chatty! It was interesting!

    I may just try it again…get dressed like I’m going on a date. It is good practice!

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 10:09am

  423. 423: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Emerson – yeah thats dating yourself !

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 10:16am

  424. 424: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you elle for carying.

    I’m doig better. On my way to the hair dresser and texting a few old friends to see if I can’t find someone to go to see this Dj playing tonight. I so want to do that.

    But it’s not lile I could go all by myself and pretend I’m waiting for a date like Emerson. It’s a crowded club, the dj wi be mixing intense trance music… Not really a place to CDate… I just want to get smashed and dance and have fun.

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 10:17am

  425. 425: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    414:

    I looove how you think FW. :)
    Throwing things out there and letting her decide.
    That’s the kinda real friendship that feels freeing and truly supportive, giving the person her own pride and selfworth.

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 10:18am

  426. 426: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Wahhhh my girl friend said yes about the club tonight!! Niiiiiiice! I think I’ll go buy a new dress when I come out from hairdresser!!

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 10:20am

  427. 427: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Hum Emerson, you might be right about goig clubbig alone… (just read your post…). Might try this sometimes. But it feels so scary. I am a little shy with people I don’t know and I tend to feel embarassed easily in that kind of situation…

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 10:28am

  428. 428: LuzydelNo Gravatar says:

    Cleaning My drawers! I can’t believe how much useless crap I have in those drawers….But I am also finding things I thought I lost and I am feeling Good.

    This works as a metaphor for me:
    My heart is like a drawer, I have a clutter inside of it right now, but I am cleaning it and throwing things that are no longer useful, and finding things I once thought I lost, or forgot I had. I am finding Myself…
    I realize that my place looked clean, but it really isn’t clean, When “S” used to come visit, I just hid all the stuff so he wouldn’t See the mess, actually I do this with all my visitors. That has to change!

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 10:37am

  429. 429: WildflowerNo Gravatar says:

    RE 384 yes FW i totally agree time to move on wiht my life. it’s so hard tho. he also used to talk about his “colleague” who slept with prostitutes. he talked about this man in the same way he talked about a man he knew who was married but would go to singles events pretending to be single (which is where i met him). after i talked to him about being married (and he finally confessed he was after initially lying) i saw a nasty side of him emerge. he passive aggressively “joked” about how he “missed hte legal prostitution” where he and i used to live. so now i suppose i’ll have to get STD testing :-( even tho the whole thing only lasted about three months and i figured it out and ended it asap it still feels really hard. i love me.

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 10:41am

  430. 430: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Lili an FW 425

    Totally agree with Lili on this one. :)

    ((((((FW))))))

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 10:46am

  431. 431: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    ouch! some guy got off the phone cuz i didnt agree to call him and i feel all bad now

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 10:47am

  432. 432: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Wildflower – wouldn’t you want to do STD testing anyways?

    i do after every new man i have sex with… if its without a condom…

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 10:49am

  433. 433: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Luzydel

    That feels inspiring! I think I’ll find some times this week to clean up my walkin closet. Might find some very hidden secrets and throw away a lot of ugly stuff or things that doesn’t fit me anymore… :)

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 10:50am

  434. 434: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    428:

    Yeyeyyeyeyyy!!!! :D

    I’m so excited for you Luzydel!!!!

    I did that last fall…decluttering my space while decluttering my heart and brain!
    It really got me on my way to connecting with myself and how I feel good about myself now!

    I’m so happyyyyyyyy for you taking care of you!

    I feel like being your cheerleader! Clap clap clap clap, yey yey, jump jump jump!
    Woohoo you rock girl!

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 11:07am

  435. 435: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    420 sorry I got Lillibee and Lizka mixed up.
    Sorry lovelies :-) my bad
    xoxo
    Emerson

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 11:08am

  436. 436: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    427 lizka
    I feel shy and nervous too when I’m by myself like that…and I get all flushed and tongue tied sometimes when a man approaches and talks to me…eeeek….

    but then I just laugh or smile and check in with how I feel…and I don’t answer questions directly if I don’t want to.

    I don’t have to!

    I can remain warm and inviting and not respond to “interview” questions from people that approach me unless I feel like it.

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 11:14am

  437. 437: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    I can use words like
    oh wow i feel uncomfortable being asked that (but still smiling) and then just remain silent
    or
    hmm I feel shy answering that questions
    or
    hmm thanks, it feels good being asked that! I am from the city xyz….(if I feel like answering)
    or
    I feel intrigued to hear more about you, please go on? (listen at level 2 while physically leaning back)

    I borrowed and tweeked these from Daria :-) :-)
    xoxo
    Emerson

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 11:17am

  438. 438: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    51 april rose says:
    Rori gives these two questions specifically in Love Scripts. “is there something I should know?” “are you mad at me?”

    *****
    Thanks for posting this, it is helpful

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 11:18am

  439. 439: WildflowerNo Gravatar says:

    RE 432 DAria i guess so. i just feel like my odds are a little more increased. but i get what you’re saying. mostly i’m just feeling pist i guess.

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 11:29am

  440. 440: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Wildflower I don’t know how old you are but I encourage you to put your health first. No man is worth losing it or your life for. If I were you I would consider asking a man to do a test and let me know the result before sleeping with him. A man who is really interested in you as a person will bring the test results and show you.

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 11:34am

  441. 441: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    Brenda
    ((Hugs))

    I feel confused that you wanted to have karaoke and fun with Ryan (which to me is creating closeness, building memories and experiences together) and then planned to give your end it speech afterwards??

    I feel afraid that I’ll offend you, but I’m saying this because I think I may have behaved in the same way myself in the past….

    and this is what I see…..

    Hmm I wonder if you wanted to have that fun with him so when you gave your “end it” speech you were hoping Ryan would protest and say “noooo….don’t end it!!” …..since you were having so much fun together…like trying to sell yourself or convince him which makes me feel sad and feels manipulative…

    love and hugs to you and I don’t want to offend or upset you…but I know you’re a fun person and great heart and you deserve a great man…and I think you forget that Ryan is NOT the only man out there that will have mutual attraction with you…..

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 11:42am

  442. 442: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    Sirens I have missed you…..!!!!!! I am off to enjoy my day starting with mani/pedi and get my tan on!!!!
    woot woot
    and I want these shoes
    http://shop.nordstrom.com/s/born-kaspin-sandal/3286171?origin=category&resultback=234

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 11:46am

  443. 443: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    129 @ Silver Tongued Siren
    OMG I feel mortified that he is discussing other females intimate allergies with you….that he is sleeping with….ack it feels bad bad bad….

    He is NOT looking out for your feelings…I feel sad and like crying when I read your post because it reminded me of conversations with RecycledCD and how I’d get pulled into the same kind of discussions, I would lean forward (because I loved him) end up feeling ick ick ick….
    hugssss…….

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 11:51am

  444. 444: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    108 STS
    omg he is competing with you..??
    Well…..
    I give you a lot of credit for getting ready with baby!!!
    I used to take care of ex’s baby and get ready for work at the same time and it was hard!!!!!
    I know !!!

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 11:53am

  445. 445: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    Brenda I have to give you kudos for trying a meetup group!!! I feel impressed and inspired! I have joined a bunch of meetup groups, but have yet to go to one! I feel nervous and scared. So I have to hand it to you…that was brave.
    xoxo
    Emerson

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 11:55am

  446. 446: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    Just finished decluttering and cleaning my bathroom.
    It feels good to see it all shiny and clutter free.

    Some clutter I found…D’s toothbrush in my toothbrush holder…why am I hanging on to thaaat?
    Threw it out.
    Came accross a nifty gift box containing bubble bath, shower get and body butter.
    A gift from the guy I dated for 3 months prior to D.
    He was no2 of a string of highly insecure men where I felt trapped.
    Why am I hanging on to thaaat?
    Threw out the stuff but kept the box. It’s a stirdy compartmented storage box now.

    Break over. Off I go dusting and vacuuming.

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 11:55am

  447. 447: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    363 Wildflower, sending hugs to you and yes I can say that my experience with RecycledCD was almost the same….in the end, I stopped contact but there was a lot of back and forth and I really fell for him and felt so hurt that he would lie to me. I have learned that it’s no use to try and figure it out, there is no answers…I just need to move on to the future and focus on me and new CDs that may be on the horizon…
    Time does heal…I’m sorry you went thru that.

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 11:58am

  448. 448: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    I loooooved my hair appointment. It’s a very chic salon in a trendy area of the city. There’re so fancy that they couldn’t even offer me a regular coffee, they only had lattes! And they have this cute chiwawa barking after the clients and playing in the hair on the floor.

    And she gave me a loooong and fabulous massage scalp massage. And it just felt so relaxing whe she was cutting my hair.

    And now I dedinitely look like a super star with my new hair and I’m so excited about goi g to show it off to the club tonight!!! I went to shop for a dress but I couldn’t find one that I liked so I decided to keep my money to buy some nice spring clothes in a few weeks instead of buying something I don’t really like. I have a sexy black dress at home so I will use my imagination to accesoirize it!

    It’s so warm outside and sunny an I am really enjoying walking and I’m totally focusing on myself. Just once in a whil, the thought that ATW haven’t call yet pops in my mind…

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 12:12pm

  449. 449: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    I feel soooo excited about going to that club to see the russian dj. It’s gonna be totally my kind of crowd and a super good opportunity to attract new CDs. I want to have fun and enjoy my friends company but I also want to practice bein super sireny to every men who talk to me. Eyes contacts, feeling messages, leaning back position, listening at level 2…

    Yaaaaaay!!!

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 12:17pm

  450. 450: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    Yay….Lizka! Sounds wonderful :-)

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 12:18pm

  451. 451: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    FEELING MESSAGES!!! I HAVE to practice FMs tonight! Im French! And why not in Russian!

    I think I will write some script down before I go… Something about the music feels energic and my body feels… Hmmm electric? Lol heeeeelp!!!

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 12:21pm

  452. 452: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you Emerson! I wish you lived closer. Would have take you to that club with me :)

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 12:23pm

  453. 453: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    452 Yes Lizka I wish that too!! I would sooo go with you…sounds like fun.
    I love your FM about body feeling electric…that sounds very very sireny and sexy!!!

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 12:28pm

  454. 454: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Ah nice! I will definitly say my body feels electric tonight. It feels scary though… It’s not something “regular” to say…

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 12:34pm

  455. 455: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Haha they gonna think I’m on extasy ifnI saythat! Hehe funny :)

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 12:35pm

  456. 456: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Wildflower,

    Re 363- That is hard. I dated a deceiver in the 90s.

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 12:36pm

  457. 457: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Sorry for typos. Writting from my phone…

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 12:36pm

  458. 458: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    I know when I’ve used scary feeling messages that don’t sound “regular” I feel nervous…like saying I feel disconnected….I feel intrigued….I feel scared….I feel happy…. I FEEL ELECTRIC……

    when I say FM I get nervous sometimes because I’m not sure what will happen but then the men I’ve said it to always react with interest and in a positive way!!

    It sends me into major feminine girly energy territory and the guys are so ga ga over me!!! Love it

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 12:37pm

  459. 459: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Oh I’ll definitly pop ou the electric FM tonight. They are strangers anyway so why would I care??

    I need more sexy sireny girly feeling messages…

    I think I will go listen to some of this DJ’s music on Youtube to get inspiration…

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 12:45pm

  460. 460: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Emerson,

    Re 441- If u read my posts for the past 2-3 days, I’ve beenr asking how can I end it in person, so I can do it gently and sensitively. I couldn’t think of any other way but to accept !n invitation from him.

    Finally I realized I couldn’t handle it so I did it over the ph9ne.

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 12:52pm

  461. 461: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    So that’s it Bremda? It’s done? Sorry if I missed some posts…

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 12:58pm

  462. 462: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    I feel curious, how did he react?

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 12:59pm

  463. 463: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    im feeling so anxious!

    i think this is what this feeling is

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 1:00pm

  464. 464: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    For those who weren’t watching the Whitney Houston funeral, when Kevin Costner spoke he made it clear that she had insecurities too. He said she would ask him if he thought she was enough. Seems she was concerned about being good enough and needed his reassurance. That really struck a chord with me and make me grateful about doing this work with both Rori and Dominique and getting to a place to tell myself that I am good enough.

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 1:06pm

  465. 465: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    459 Lizka
    how about…
    “Yummm…I feel so exotic with this fancy drink!” (while holding a fun cocktail)

    “Mmm…I feel so good dancing with you!” (while dancing with a hot guy!)

    “Wow, I feel hot” (while sexily fanning yourself with your hands on the dancefloor)

    Hee hee…I am on a roll!!!
    Guys will be drooling over you!

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 1:09pm

  466. 466: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    464 I am not watching it, I feel too sad. :-(
    Poor Whitney :-(
    LOOVVED her

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 1:11pm

  467. 467: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Ricky Minor spoke about Whitney’s physical attributes, her skin, how she dressed, how she wore a gown and how beautiful she was. But he emphasized that he loved her because of who she was not because of those obvious things that were attractive to men.

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 1:11pm

  468. 468: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    I wonder what Susan would say about my dream in 317…or any other dream interpreters out there???

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 1:13pm

  469. 469: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    This drink feels so good going down.
    This glass so shiny and cool against my hand.

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 1:14pm

  470. 470: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you so much Emerson!!!!

    I wrote them all and I particulary love “I feel exotic” !!

    Will let you know tomorrow how it went!

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 1:14pm

  471. 471: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Elle , thanks!

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 1:15pm

  472. 472: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you FW !!!

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 1:16pm

  473. 473: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    I feel flirty? Can I say that?

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 1:18pm

  474. 474: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Are you willing to act like that? like a butterfly flitting from one to the next tasting the nectar/pollen on each plant by practicing the 5 second look and smiling at everyone while leaning back in your chair?

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 1:23pm

  475. 475: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    474 – FW

    Is that post for me? I guess so…

    Oh I’m SUPER willing to act like that! It’s a good thing, right? I’m not sure if your post is positive or negative…

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 1:24pm

  476. 476: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Oh I’m listening to this DJ’s music on You Tube. I feel moved :) wooow I so wanna dance!!

    Sorry for not posting only about men. It just helps me to remember that I am focus on myself…

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 1:29pm

  477. 477: JillyNo Gravatar says:

    well..I feel like a silly girl…

    Rugby man sent a text at 9 am…

    “Good morning Beautiful…hope you have a great day at school..call me when you’re done :)”

    I wonder when I’ll stop my NV’s?? :)

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 1:31pm

  478. 478: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    460 Brenda
    I have not been following the blog so closely…thanks for the reply to my post. I hope it all works out for you to have the best outcome for YOU….

    I had to cut off contact completely with Recycled because it was too painful and I was not getting what I needed from him. I know it’s super difficult.

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 1:32pm

  479. 479: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Yay Jilly!!!!!

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 1:33pm

  480. 480: JillyNo Gravatar says:

    Lizka…I KNOW lol I feel so freaking excited it feels like Christmas!!

    I love this UP, giddy feeling :)

    I feel happy you had a great hair appt. and are going out …let us know how those feeling messages go!! :)

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 1:46pm

  481. 481: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    I will Jilly. :)

    I think I’m living the same situation as you right now. My NVs are kicking in my head about ATW not contacting me… But he will probably will do so when I’m not expecting it and I’ll feel as excited as you!

    I’m going for a little nap to feel in top shape for tonight. Talk to you later sirens!!

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 1:49pm

  482. 482: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Erika’s article:

    short quote: “parted ways with that entire community a couple of years ago when I realized that the women there were going NOWHERE. You could leave these sites for months, pop your head back in, and see the same women whining and complaining about the same men or men”

    http://www.spiritualseduction.com/myth-feminine

    my comment (is this evil of me?):

    Erika is with the bullshit. You can tell by statements like “Nobody with any self-respect would want to be with any of these women…”
    I discourage anyone not to work with this ‘healer’ – she actively disrespects business contracts (by not honoring previous agreements such as offers… )
    This includes such things as when asked what to do about a non-working payment link on webpage “I do not do tech service for $17″… on a $17 trial offer… offered by HER…
    Communicating with her can also be damaging to one’s self esteem as she repeatedly accuses those asking for clarity of “BULLSHIT” “DRAMA” and generally going into a blaming and vicious tirade.
    AND most importantly – her methods DO NOT WORK! I encourage those interested in EFT – which is what “HBR” is , using EFT with regards to belief change, opening up possibility, and chakra work – to check the work of other more legit healers such as Margaret Lynch.
    I have tapped along to Erika’s videos with ZERO results!
    I have worked IN PERSON with Erika (she still uses my testimonial though claiming that I’m ‘reducing value’ ) – it felt GREAT at the time and for a few days after… but the permanent results … ZERO.
    I have had much better and noticeable results from workign with other EFT practitioners. (And for those who Have had results with Erika, and may be their first time working with EFT – EFT works! There are many practitioners who will help you achieve much better results … and are much more respectful and accessible).
    There are so many disgruntled clients (Erika will tell you they are sticking with their ‘ego bullshit’ which is her excuse across the board).
    I am feeling shaky and angry after yet another disrespectful conversation with Erika.
    She has also blocked me on FB while writing disparaging statuses of our interactions.
    You are better off finding an abusive boyfriend to beat you up than working with her! Is my assessment.
    Perhaps her rude, disrespectful attitude works in the male community, where they may appreciate being talked to like an abusive drill sargent.
    But for me this relationship and this healer has felt awful, and I would not encourage it.
    I am feeling so upset I’m considering all ways that I can be heard about the awful way I feel I have been treated – doesn’t feel satisfying right now to just be silent about it.
    Erika – you need to take responsibility for YOURSELF and your communication. Disrespect will not be tolerated by me and other clients of yours will hopefully be spared.

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 1:55pm

  483. 483: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    Femininewoman – # 464 – I feel so honored. Thank you. :)

    xxoo

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 1:56pm

  484. 484: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    Daria – As I told you yesterday, I feel very sorry you had this experience though I don’t feel surprised by it.

    Are you evil for writing what your did? No I don’t think so, but I also don’t think it will make an iota of difference. Except for yourself in getting it out of your heart.

    Hugs sweetheart,

    xxoo

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 2:04pm

  485. 485: JillyNo Gravatar says:

    Hey Ella..in response to your post @371

    In my experience, when we make up “rules” of what foods are good and bad then we create negative tension and are more drawn to those foods we label as bad.

    So maybe one day eating cake is fine…and then the next day you don’t feel good about it. By not making a rule about it and by honoring and following what feels good, we keep our bodies in alignment, which allows it to process the calories and not store them as fat or effect us negatively.

    By being in alignment and allowing myself to eat foods that feel good to me I notice that sugar and breads DON’T effect me physically or emotionally like they used to…

    I believe in eating healthy..but it doesn’t matter how healthy we eat if we are out of alignment.

    maybe something to ponder… :)

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 2:13pm

  486. 486: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    I am WAY behind on the blog yet again………..sigh

    But Brenda been thinking about you and R on an off today and my earlier message was sent to you on the bus on my android.

    I don’t believe Ryan is evil I believe he is mentally ill.

    I know very little of mental illnesseses but do you think or feel that his treatment of you could be part of his illness albeit unknowingly to him.

    Could this be what all this about? His cruel sadistic treatment towards you is part of his illness?

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 3:08pm

  487. 487: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    I wonder if I should just listen when he tells me about his situation with the ‘extended family’ or tell him I don’t always feel like listening? What if it really bothers him and he needs to share?

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 3:40pm

  488. 488: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    actually yeah i feel really empowered…

    i have never written a complaint against a service person… even when i felt bad…

    i didn’t want them to lose theri job ro something

    and here i didnt want her to potentially lose clients… i felt guilty… i chose to try something different though for me

    Dominique – actually that feels bad and i feel disempowered reading that you dont think it will make a difference. I choose to feel seen and that I matter as do my words… they always without exception make a difference

    thank you for the support though, i dont think you meant to make me feel that way

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 3:46pm

  489. 489: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    No I didn’t Daria. And I thank you for feeling this. It will make a difference in you, and this is what’s important.

    xxoo

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 3:59pm

  490. 490: SassyNo Gravatar says:

    I am breaking all contact with JT. Have deleted his contact info in my phone, have unfriended him on FB and will not respond to any of his texts. I have to do this for me. It’s too painful to just be ignored and only contacted on his whims.
    He has serious emotional problems and a serious drug addiction, along with every other kind of addiction one can imagine. I will always love him, but now I need to step-up for myself and love myself first and foremost.
    Brenda, I feel and share your pain, my love.
    Much love

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 4:04pm

  491. 491: LuzydelNo Gravatar says:

    I had two people calling me today out of nowhere, just to check on me; “OK” and another guy I sort of forgot I gave my number. “OK” is my special friend far away, who I dated back in college. Also another guy I dated many years ago, Contacted me on FB to see how I was doing; I am not even thinking about men in a direct manner and they sort of appear out of “nowhere” :).

    Just cleared My hallway closet; ( I f I meet a special guy that will be his closet :) ) Drawers are clean and next is my walk in closet, I want to take pictures of me with some of the dresses I found, I feel vain.

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 4:05pm

  492. 492: LilybellyNo Gravatar says:

    485:

    Jilly~ this is how I manage my weight. I don’t exercise like I should and I don’t restrict myself on any food. If it sounds good to me one day, I’ll have a little and if it doesn’t the next…that’s okay. I always have other choices.

    I believe our bodies tell us what we need and so I go with that. Usually, if I am craving something…it’s protein..and that’s easy to get. :-)

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 4:15pm

  493. 493: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    I do the same about food! and about EVERYTHIGN

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 4:16pm

  494. 494: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    SM 486- No doubt.

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 4:23pm

  495. 495: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    RE 487 Memulo I am wondering if you could say something like “I appreciate that you feel safe enough to share your troubles with me but I am feeling a bit drained right now and I don’t want to feel that way with you. What do you think?”

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 4:31pm

  496. 496: JillyNo Gravatar says:

    Lilybelle and Daria..yes yes…I LOVE hearing that!! :)

    I used to work out for hours and restrict myself like crazy..but now I ONLY do what feels good and I look better and I feel better than I ever have..that’s my own personal testimonial :)

    So I just talked to Rugby Man…

    he said “I have 3 options for you”
    ME: oooohhh.. I love options :)
    HIM: I know you do lol
    HIM: k..either we go to the wedding, or we can go to dinner and the movies or we can do something entirely different..

    ME: I would feel better if you made the choice about attending the wedding or not..
    HIM: ok..let’s not go…let’s go to dinner and then the movies with my siblings..if that’s what you want?
    ME: I feel really good about that :)

    HIM: I’ll call you back when I have more details

    ME: hangs up…let’s out a big happy sigh…A MAN with a PLAN!!!! yipeeeeeee

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 4:34pm

  497. 497: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Lizka what I was trying to say is turn your flirty girl on. They will feel it. My comment was meant to be positive just that I am not convinced that you need to say that if your flirty girl is turned on. It always feel great when we feel all lit up.

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 4:37pm

  498. 498: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Ok it’s been officially 3 days that ATW haven’t contact me. I had a 2 hours nap and when I woke up I felt SO disappointed to see no miss call or text… :(

    Please Universe don’t take him away from me. I’ll be patient. I’ll wait as long as it’s possible. But please make him come back to me sooner or later…

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 4:40pm

  499. 499: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Oh ok FW. Thanks :)

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 4:43pm

  500. 500: Rori RayeNo Gravatar says:

    Daria – I read it all – If there’s a hamster wheel here – it’s kind of neat….and when I’m in it, I love it completely. We know what we think and feel about all of this, or we wouldn’t be here when we’re here, or not here when we’re not. Wherever we are – and this is my interpretation of Course in Miracles – it’s perfect. Because it’s happening, it’s perfect, it’s the divine order. It’s not so much a plan, in my heart – it’s an unfolding. And everyone goes at their own speed. And results are open to interpretation and meaning – which doesn’t exist except for the meaning we give to it.

    I personally feel so thrilled for anyone stepping out in any way – that includes Erika’s stepping out and your stepping out with your comment (which I’m guessing never made it past moderation). The essence of what’s going on here, for me, is the “meaning” of the word “disturbed.” Because I hear Erika’s “irritation” and your “upset” – and I think that’s where all the discovery and work is. Feeling disturbed is just a bit of information. a clue – that we’re being triggered.

    And – that’s where the work is. My own personality likes “safety” – and so that’s where my work is. Some of us are more forthright and “loud.” Makes no difference. When I feel disturbed or irritated or triggered – that’s my clue to “get still and go within” – and EFT is SO perfect for that! I’m so happy, Daria that you’ve found practitioners you like and respect, and thank you for mentioning them here.

    If you’d like to research – I also adore “Psych K” – and have only found one practitioner and lost her number…and know that I always refer clients and anyone else who writes to me to you, Daria, for help with “riffing.” My advice on this is to follow your instincts and see where they’re heading you, and make some choices and see where they’re heading you. When you feel upset and triggered – that’s a great opportunity. I love that you took action, here, and do not believe you are “stuck” in any way, shape or form. Trust is where it’s at – and in my world, you can’t learn to trust yourself until you actually let yourself “be” without judging yourself (or anyone else – because, as CIM says – there IS no one else out there, it’s just us). Love, Rori

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 4:45pm

  501. 501: Rori RayeNo Gravatar says:

    Oh, more, Daria and all – I really, like everyone I’ve ever encountered, know what it feels like to want to “strike out” or “strike back” or “tell the truth even if it’s ‘upsetting’” And I’ve done that, even recently, and wished I hadn’t, and then forgiven myself for even THINKING I could have done anything “wrong.” It’s all a process. There is no destination. You can’t be stuck, because you’re always moving. Love, Rori

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 4:48pm

  502. 502: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    FW,

    Thank you very much, that’s brilliant! :)

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 4:52pm

  503. 503: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks Rori – my response stemmed directly from my personal interactions with Erika…

    i only read half of her the article to the “no man with self respect” part… when i wrote it

    i felt so furious and awful and i was going to jut let it go as usuall and then i just experimented with speaking out ‘publicly’

    feeling really empowered right now

    i m sure i will be getting more power from having done this …and also will keep on expressing the power while tweaking my own communication to make it less violent and more about me… (than this response)

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 4:56pm

  504. 504: LilybellyNo Gravatar says:

    Whoa…”You can’t be stuck because you’re always moving.”

    Funny, I just used the word stuck in a conversation with someone yesterday.. “I feel stuck”… I felt stuck in my healing process over and surrounding T.. Today was an example of that “stuckness”

    Family event at my Dad’s house. I hadn’t been there since New Years when T went with me and met my entire family. I walked in and was immediately flooded with angst and tears and deep sadness. I didn’t even imagine that this would come up there. But, it was the first time I had seen my Dad since all of this with T happened.

    He saw the tears and immediately, my bonus mom and step brother left the room and Dad reached out and pulled me to him while I cried..no sobbed.. He asked me what happened and I told him and then added…”Daddy, (even at my age, I still call him Daddy, especially when I am hurting)..I really thought he was my guy..why would the Universe play such a harsh joke on me…let me have him and then take him away?” He said…”I really thought he was your guy too and I am so very sorry. We just don’t know what the Universe has in store for you just yet..”

    More sobbing and hugging and feeling safe and loved.

    What a day.

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 4:57pm

  505. 505: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    oops i feel bad like i put myself down when i wrote

    than this response

    lil me felt bad and dishonored

    i apologize to me!

    i honor me and i LOVE that you spoke out for me baby!!!

    (((((DARIA)))))

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 4:57pm

  506. 506: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    (((RORI))) I feel so heard and seen and supported!!

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 5:03pm

  507. 507: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    (((Lilybelly))) hug from dad while crying feels heartwarming to read about …

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 5:05pm

  508. 508: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    No. I don’t want to feel bad. I want to feel happy.

    I woke up less motivated about going out than I was earlier… It s*cks. I was so happy and excited about this night and now I’m just blah…

    I’m gonna go for sure. My friend is counting on me. But I’m just not as joyful as I was… Will try to motivate me with some music…

    I don’t want to feel sad. But I do. But not teary though. Just my heart feels hopeless…

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 5:08pm

  509. 509: StarbrightNo Gravatar says:

    Aw, Lilybelly I got tears reading your story about crying and your dad comforting you. What a great Daddy indeed! It’s good you can share and be heard and hugged! Hugs to you!!!

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 5:08pm

  510. 510: JillyNo Gravatar says:

    Lilybelly…((((Hugs)))))…wow…what an amazing moment with your dad…and that you allowed yourself to just FEEL…you are amazing

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 5:15pm

  511. 511: JillyNo Gravatar says:

    Lizka…I totally know how you are feeling right now…yes..go have a great time!!

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 5:17pm

  512. 512: JillyNo Gravatar says:

    I love that Rori…it’s not so much a plan…but an unfolding…yes…feels good! :)

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 5:19pm

  513. 513: maliNo Gravatar says:

    I feel AMAZING!! :D

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 5:23pm

  514. 514: River GirlNo Gravatar says:

    Awww, Lillybelly….I love your Dad.

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 5:27pm

  515. 515: LilybellyNo Gravatar says:

    Lizka~

    I went out last night and had the best time! I danced my a$$ off and my vibe was pretty high. I self talked and affirmed myself all the way to where I was meeting CD at and when we walked in to the place where the music was at…he said after we sat down…You didn’t even notice what happened when we walked in here, did you? I was like?? What did I miss? He said every man in the room turned and looked at you when we came in. They were ALL looking at you..even the women (there wasn’t a lot of people in there) but my vibe was up and I was feeling amazingly good. And you know what else?

    He said that he felt proud to be with me.. You can do this…get the music cranking when you are getting ready…talk to yourself about how wonderful you are and smile and wink at yourself and pull yourself up. It can be done…I KNOW it because I just did it last night.

    It felt damn good and I had the best time. Not only that…any man who will dance to Tone Loc with me and do it well, is alright with me. We had a ball and it was just what I needed. 80′s dance music…what a hoot!

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 5:28pm

  516. 516: LilybellyNo Gravatar says:

    (((((((Daria, Jilly, Starbright, RG))))))))

    Thank you Beautiful Sirens.

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 5:35pm

  517. 517: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you Jilly. I think I’m gonna double my effort on my make up and my hair. Gonna boost my self esteem and help to remind to focus on myself.

    So I’m gonna have dinner, have a moisturising& detoxifying mask, do a super crazy make up and give some volume in my hair.

    I want to party like a real rockstar tonight. :)

    No, I want to be a Russian mafia princess. I want to party like that. Have all the men spoiling me with attention and drinks and looking at me. And have the women looking at me with envy because I’m such a siren and getting all these men’s attention.

    YEAH! I’ll be a Russian mafia princess tonight :)

    Hehe love me and my imagination!

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 5:41pm

  518. 518: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you Lilibelly

    I read your message after posting my last one. Pretty similar. Lol :)

    Yes I will motivate myself to raise up my vibe and yes yes yes I will be the hottest girl in there!!!

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 5:46pm

  519. 519: Silver-Tongued SirenNo Gravatar says:

    after the evening before, feeling MILW was slightly closed off to me for some reason, and thinking it was something I said, I leaned forward a bit and texted him trying to emphasize the good feelings I was trying to communicate.

    Thursday night I had texted back at 3:15 am when he sent his text that said he was going to the apt he’s staying at and our friend (a guy) is staying with him, and thanks for the invite..

    I responded :( i want you home. love you.

    in the morning at 10:30 I said “buenos dias, corazon! I feel loved and important getting goodnight messages when you go to sleep. thank you for making me feel good.”..

    he had to work friday morning, and he didn’t respond ALL DAY. I was about to post about it here as I was really feeling sad…. when he texted me at 1:25AM.

    It seems like everytime I am thinking a lot about him or write about him here he texts or calls or comes by.

    :D i love that we have that connection.

    at 1:25 am all he said was “home again home again jiggity jig. Loving the rain”

    I felt even more depressed bc of the rain and really missed him, and esp knowing he loves the rain – i love rainy nights together.
    I responded 20 mins later “Yes!! Loving it”

    just doing my best to MIRROR him now… calm down and just mirror him. so my response was shorter than his, since I have been leaning fwd in my energy lately.

    he called me this morning wanting to confirm details for my client appt later (so he could watch the baby). He asked if I could use the leftover carrot stuff from the juicer to make a carrot cake (..he loves carrot cake.. and I had mentioned several ideas about what to do with the leftover when he wondered about it the other day). He stopped by and brought that to me, and didn’t hug kiss or touch me until he was leaving, he kissed me and hugged me, said bye.. and went to work.

    he came back about an hour before my client.. got together a bag for baby… i was very anxious all over the place busy, and didn’t do too well at calming down. I sat on the bed for a moment, for something..can’t remember what –

    I really wanted us to lay down together and cuddle. I felt nervous trying to lean back. he was standing right there and I felt like I was laying there too long and had to do SOMEthing or I wouldn’t keep leaning back. He picked up the stack of clothes from the bed next to me and moved them. I stood up. And he sat down where the clothes had been. As I stood there I felt the energy pull toward him and he lay back and wanted me to lay down with him. We cuddled for a couple of minutes, and then he rolled over on top of me.

    he started to rub my back a bit, which i then started to rub his.. and he loved it and I think i did more than he did but oh well.

    he got up and i finished doing my things as he left and took the baby with (I thought he was going to stay here but he took baby with him someplace.. he mentioned it before he did it, and I didn’t ask. … he texted me after the client appt was supposed to be over asking how it went. I called him when I finished (half an hour late), and it sounded like wherever he was, there were other people there, And I Did Not Ask! :D So Proud of Myself! I am A Leaning Back Queen.

    he is mi Rey. and i am doing so well today.

    :::::::::::deep relaxing breath::::::::::::::

    my client loved it. now if I could just get a lot more clients lined up at one time so I could just have MILW or BF take the baby for the afternoon!!

    Baby seems to do so well with both of them. once I’m gone he knows the milk is gone and doesn’t fuss as much for it. lol..even goes to sleep in their arms. With me? No way Jose. haha.

    Oh yeah, my other son’s birthday party was today, SO good to see him, I love my little man so much! he is growing up. and he is as amazing as ever. I want him with me more. I wish I had the money to support myself and have a home that he could live in and had the time to be with him all of the time, like a flexible schedule, …so I could homeschool him.

    This work I do is exhausting. But if I could have a little help with baby…i could do more…

    oh gotta go, MILW is here.

    have a friend coming over too and have to run to store real quick and then make dinner..

    check back later ..prolly late late.

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 5:51pm

  520. 520: LilybellyNo Gravatar says:

    518:

    Have a glass of wine or a cocktail while you are getting ready too.

    Cheering you on!

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 5:56pm

  521. 521: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    520 Lilybelly

    Yes I will!!!! :)

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 6:04pm

  522. 522: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Sirens,

    I need some help please.

    Struggling again.

    Same issue as before. Those of you who have been reading me will hopefully remember what has been going on with me and my struggles around suspicion about MWC and drugs.

    Anyway to keep it brief I noticed tonight that some of the other chefs were doing it.

    And I immediately felt tense.

    Even now, after everything, the drugs test and what the Healer man said, I still find it really difficult to believe MWC.

    I just can’t see why you would have a nose that never stopped running, and gets better sometimes, and worse others.

    And I still see what I believe is white powder there sometimes… but when I did look closely that time it was dried skin.

    Anyway tonight I spoke to MWC about it and said what I had seen with the other chefs and he said yes they were doing it… and they had offered him, but he said no.

    Sirens all my instincts are telling me that there is something amiss.

    But I honestly don’t know if I am just crazy.

    When MWC looks into my eyes and says he is telling the truth there is a micro expression which I believe says otherwise.

    But I don’t know if I am so stuck in my belief that I am seeing stuff that is not there.

    I feel so confused, and I don’t know if I will ever get past this issues.

    If it wasn’t for this issue things would be perfect.

    MWC offered to do another drugs test.

    But how do I know they are real, the ones he has?

    Sirens it is SOOOOOO triggering to hear him constantly sniffing when I feel so unsure about this.

    So I have ordered a drugs test of my own.

    I realise this is extreme but he says he will do whatever I want to prove to me he is being honest.

    I haven’t told him I have ordered it.

    I figure if I don’t tell him and then ask him to do it when he doesn’t know I am going to then there will be much less chance he could fake it.

    It could finally put my mind to rest.

    Do you all think I am crazy?

    Am I wrong to do this?

    Or is this a smart move?

    I honestly don’t know another way to get past this issue.

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 6:06pm

  523. 523: JillyNo Gravatar says:

    yay Mali!!!! :)

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 6:10pm

  524. 524: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    522:

    Hi Ella,

    If he offered to do it, then I would feel like doing it.

    We’re supposed to be trusting and assume the best of men.
    But we should also trust ourselves and our instincts.

    If it bothers you that much, it will always bother you until he does your test. Afterall, he did offer.
    You do want to be able to trust him.
    Could dry skin around the nostrils possibly be a symptom of doing drugs?

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 6:21pm

  525. 525: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    LiliBee,

    It bothers me.

    Masssively.

    Its not so much whether he does or not.

    Its the discrepancy, between what I feel is happening and what I am being told is happening.

    And also the fear of being decieved.

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 6:27pm

  526. 526: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Ella

    You know, if he did drugs, even weeks ago, his nose is probably still irritated (this sh*t is strong!!) and this is why it might be running so often…

    But I don’t want to defend him. I’m just saying what I think.

    I think you should decide to trust him or not. And try to inspire him saying the truth by always being authentic yourself.

    I use to never believe what ATW was telling me. And I think that it’s because of that that he started to lie to me. Now that I think of it, I don’t think he was lying before I started to not trust him…

    If I was you, I would choose to trust him with all my heart. If he’s lying, it’s gonna be him who’s gonna live with the lie.

    Since you already ordered the test, I suggest you keep it and take it out in case of EXTREME emergency, when you have a VERY serious doubt. But I think that you could definitely scare him away if you take the test out randomly…

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 6:28pm

  527. 527: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Ok Russian mafia princess is off to get ready for her night out!!

    Later sirens! xoxo

    ((((((ELLA))))))

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 6:33pm

  528. 528: LilybellyNo Gravatar says:

    Ella~

    Is there a chance at all that what he is experiencing is allergies of some sort? I have friends who have the same issue with the runny nose and sniffles, even in the winter. Heck, my own son has this issue as well..but he isn’t sick or doing drugs. I’d kick his arse! But, kidding aside. Now that I read this back, my Dad does too and he has to take allergy meds year round.

    Didn’t your guy offer to see a doctor with you? I may be foggy in my memory but I also think that this could be some of the past stuff creeping on you right now and causing this for you.

    What do you think?

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 6:47pm

  529. 529: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Lillybelly,

    Yes…

    That could well be the case…

    I mean it is quite likely that he could be suffering with allergies as he does get hay fever and used to get asthma.

    He says he has this all year round… worse in the winter. He says it is aggrevated by going from hot to cold and back again (in and out the fridge and kitchen). He has tried anti-histamine and various other anti-biotics and stuff but nothing has worked.

    And he does have dry skin in many other areas too.

    And yes, totally stuff from the past could well be creeping in with me.

    I just don’t know what is real and what isn’t, and whether the ‘signs’ even mean what I think they mean.

    I see dry skin around his nose all the time. He sniffs and his nose runs all the time, and periodically gets blocked/clogged and then less blocked.

    Often times when he cuddles me he feels tense and shaky. Often after he has been to the bathroom and then come back to bed.

    On the other hand it is cold in the bathroom, and I know he sometimes still feels nervous around me.

    What about the micra expressions I see when he tells me he is telling the truth.

    I wonder am I imagining these?

    I felt convinced that there was a door to a shed, just outside his house that he would go in to do it… and actually when I looked again there is no door!!!!

    Gosh I feel like a crazy person.

    I wish I could just drop it… and there is something unbearably triggering about thinking that I may be being lied to.

    It feels terrible.

    Is this where the work is for me?

    To look at why this feels so triggering for me?

    I mean if he really wanted to do it, would he go to all this trouble?

    Or would he just pick a woman who didn’t care and he could just get on with it.

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 7:05pm

  530. 530: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    It’s awful…

    I try so hard to get myself excited about my night out but I just can’t.

    I have this image (graciously send by my NVs) of ATW receiving a girl’s phone number on Thursday and calling her on friday night and spending the weekend with her. And this is why he wouldn’t be calling now…

    :( I want to cry and I feel all stressed and my stomach hurts and it’s like I’m gonna be sick because I feel so nervous…

    :(

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 7:09pm

  531. 531: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Ella I noticed something similar with my sister last year. Her nose was constantly sore and running. After a while it became a bit swollen so she went to get it checked. They gave her medication and then had to change it because it was making the symptoms worse. I am not sure what the problem was but she mentioned that when she was researching to see what it might have been she saw something about sinus cancer. I admit that I have to follow up with her to see what it was but I had to let you know that I have seen something similar with my sister. I spoke to her about it because the constant sniffing and running nose was really annoying to me. One nostril was also sore with broken skin. Now that I mention it I remember that I have not seen this since she had started taken the medication but I don’t see her all the time. Maybe she comes by tomorrow, I will try to find out more then. Not saying this is what it is with MWC but yeah this is what is happening with my sis.

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 7:13pm

  532. 532: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    He called, I didn’t hear it. Left a VM that he’s going to sleep, has an early flight tomorrow, he will call me tomorrow. Then he txted that he is getting sicker.

    I noticed like half an hour later and replied to the text. Maybe was better not to? I said happy bday to the boy and yikes and something slightly funny about the sickness.

    This was the first contact since the night together.

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 7:19pm

  533. 533: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Memulo – I feel curious. How long since the night together?

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 7:29pm

  534. 534: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Ok, although this is a very masculine thing to do maybe it will help me here.

    Let me review the evidence.

    He sniffles a lot, although there is a strong chance this could be allergies.

    He is tense and fidgety quite often.

    He did a urine drugs test in front of me, when he didn’t know it would be that day he would do it… and it came out negative.

    He says he would tell me the truth if there was an issue.

    I am paranoid due to my past stuff.

    The healer man didn’t think there was an issue, well except with me and my trsuting, although not really sure if this can be counted as evidence?

    He has been eating a lot recently and sleeping a lot better (which I don’t think cocaine addicts do??)

    He told me that his colleagues have been doing it but not him.

    He has told me a couple of times to ask them if he is doing it, although I have declined.

    Well.

    I used to think he was doing it all the time… like morning, noon and night.

    I don’t think that anymore.

    It just doesn’t seem feasible that this could be happening anymore.

    I don’t think…

    No, I don’t think that is happening.

    I still feel confused.

    Lol.

    Round I go!

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 7:30pm

  535. 535: FlowerChild77No Gravatar says:

    Brenda…how are you doing? I’ll be going to bed soon–have to get up early tomorrow, but I just wanted you to know I’m thinking of you. I probably won’t be on the blog again until Monday but I have FB on my phone.

    (((Peace and hugs)))

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 7:33pm

  536. 536: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    Lizka,

    Thursday night, i.e. he left yesterday late in the morning.

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 7:35pm

  537. 537: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Ok, so what if,

    I trusted him… and I believed him, and fell in love say.

    And then it turned out he was lying.

    There was a problem.

    Would this say something bad about me?

    Would I be a fool?

    No, probably not.

    I might feel sad and angry.

    Would he still have loved me?

    Yes.

    Would other be laughing at me? Don’t know, who cares anyway.

    What would be the worst thing about it?

    The feeling that I didn’t trust what felt like my instincts… the feeling that I am not able to tell my intuition from my fears.

    Yes, this is what I feel most afraid of.

    I feel unsafe because I can’t tell what is fear and what is intuition with me… so I feel unsafe with myself.

    What if I chose to trust him, knowing that he cares a lot about me, and that I am committed to myself in that I would do whatever I needed to in order to look after myself should a reason ever come up to not trust him.

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 7:38pm

  538. 538: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    I’m not feeling good at all.

    Feeling so nervous. Don’t know why? The night out? ATW not calling? It feels like I’m gonna vomit… really. Ah my goooood!!

    :(

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 7:38pm

  539. 539: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    i am struggling with leaning back tonight. i am falling in love and terrified. i am sincerely questioning if I’m even capable of receiving love.

    this has promised to be the most beautiful relationship of all time, and i keep thinking i’ve marred it.

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 7:39pm

  540. 540: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Well Memulo, that’s good, no?

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 7:39pm

  541. 541: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    One of the most triggering things about it is feeling like I am left out.

    Like they could all be in on this secret and I am the fool who is being duped!

    Yes, that is the triggery bit.

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 7:41pm

  542. 542: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Because I chose not to be part of that group.

    Because I am the difficult one who has an issue with it.

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 7:42pm

  543. 543: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    Lizka, yes, it is good ;)

    I prob only mentioned this like 5-10 times, but I like him and often feel proud of him.

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 7:44pm

  544. 544: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Well I am obviously not going to figure it out tonight.

    Maybe I never will.

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 7:45pm

  545. 545: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    Lizka,

    Some things are just out of our control. Uncertainty is one of them. No information doesn’t mean anything bad is going on. It just means you have to wait to find out. Please don’t kill yourself over it, it’s not worth it.

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 7:47pm

  546. 546: FlowerChild77No Gravatar says:

    Ella,

    I don’t have any suggestions for you. I can relate to not being able to tell when something is a boundary issue or whether it’s just my “old stuff.” :-(

    I can see where knowing the other people in the kitchen are “doing it” would make it a little harder to believe that he isn’t.

    Drug habits cost money—does he seem to have the kind of life a person making his wage/salary would have?

    I agree with the Siren that said if you get a test yourself to not tip him off about it. Just do it sometime when you’re feeling unsure and he has no idea you’re even worried about it.

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 7:48pm

  547. 547: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    Starla, you said once before that your guy normally spends Sat nights with friends.. You don’t want to contact him while he’s busy with that?

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 7:49pm

  548. 548: LilybellyNo Gravatar says:

    Ella~

    I honestly believe this is something coming up to heal for you and that this man has done everything he can to prove to you that he is clean, including a pee test in front of you..I can’t imagine how that must have felt for him or for you.

    I do not, for one second, believe this is some secret and that you are being duped. Your mind is duping you to imagine such things happening but it is from your past experience.

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 7:54pm

  549. 549: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    300:

    Hi Starbright,

    I just finished watching “Duty Dating”.

    It’s a cute movie. It feels light and whimsical.
    I loved the ending.

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 7:59pm

  550. 550: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    I wonder if it’s a good idea to get a small gift for the boy and give it once he is back home.

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 8:01pm

  551. 551: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Sirens,

    Just got back a little while ago from taking my BFF out for a birthday celebration. We went for a drink and then to dinner, and spent about 3 hours catching up and talking. It was nice… and I was worried because we hadn’t talked in a month, that she was mad I’d cancelled on her b-day, but everything was great. I didn’t even have to use a bunch of feeling messages on her like I thought I would about how she talks to me sometimes. I did tell her about what’s been going on with my ex, and I was kinda afraid to, because I thought she’d criticize or scold me… so I just said,

    “please don’t yell at me” and filled her in on everything. She was great, saw my side of things, gently brought up a few concerning points, but it went really well, much better than in the past.

    FW, I was definitely overthinking why he needed me to take the girls up. He just got a later start than he planned, having to get his ski stuff together, and he gets up so early during the week, sure it feels good to sleep in when he can.

    It went well with his family, I was there almost 2 hours before he showed up. His sister that I’d had the problem with, gave me a big hug, (she’s been going through an awful divorce for a few years now, and the past summer/fall, were terrible for her) and she looks great. They were the first words out of my mouth! She’s lost 30 pounds and 2 sizes since Christmas. She was dressed nicer than usual, makeup done, hair fixed, jewelry… and she’s dating :) SHe was glowing. I felt so happy for her I had tears in my eyes. This is the happiest I’ve seen her in about 20 years! His mom looked better than I expected, but she starts radiation next month, so I know she’s scared about that.

    When my ex got there he was busy hugging his family and talking to friends. I just stayed where I was sitting and he made eye contact and said hello. This other mom there started talking to him right away, really happy and chatty, and not exactly flirty, but friendly. I felt a little uncomfortable, they had their backs to me. His mom came over and said, she’s our lawyer neighbor, she’s married. Her job has something to do with the military. This woman was really engaged in the conversation, but it was wierd. He made a point to bring up that we’d had a sleepover the weekend before at my house (he introduced me as his ex wife) and that everyone had gotten the flu. I thought it was kinda strange that he told this woman we had a sleepover at my house with our kids and their friends…. but as I’m really just trying to listen and practice more… felt sort of curious to me. He and I chatted a little about the girls, and his trip up, plans for our youngests (CM) birthday next month. Then we went out to the car and got the girls stuff, and all left. He gave me more money than I spent on the birthday present and said he’d talk to me later, but no hug. That felt disappointing.

    Later, CM called to let me know she got a cell phone as an early birthday present and when I talked to him, I mentioned that I didn’t like not getting a hug.

    He said, I thought we were doing that behind closed doors?

    I said, really?

    He said, “aren’t we?”

    I said, “hugging?”

    And then he used an analogy we’d talked about earlier with the girls that basically they should be happy with what they have when it’s working and good. (CV) wanted a new cell phone when hers is perfectly awesome. She has a 1 year old I-phone.

    I said, so I should be happy that I didn’t get a hug?

    He said, no… but you shouldn’t be upset about it.

    I said, well… not like I’m feeling I should punish you for it or something, just stating that I didn’t like not getting it.

    I don’t really remember how the conversation ended, but wasn’t stressful or anything. But I have kinda been replaying the day in my mind.

    That song secret lovers has been playing in my head all day.
    Secret lovers, that’s what we are… trying hard to hide the way we feel.

    I like how things are when we are here, just us and the kids, I don’t feel like I’m keeping secrets or hiding. With his family, I felt secretive, which could feel kind of fun for a little while, but I don’t know if I’ll like that long term.

    So, now feeling like I need to think and figure out, and be in my head… because my heart still feels happy to see him, and all addicted with oxitocin, knowing I’ll be alone with him tomorrow night. If I just listen to my heart, I’ll continue to do things that feel good with him, having yummy sex and all the closeness and intimate conversations that happen afterwards.

    But my head is warning me, don’t get too attached. Don’t forget, this is secret (not imaginary) but like playing house, not a real relationship where you talk and plan for the future.

    I only had 1 drink tonight, but feel kinda buzzed… maybe from being sick, it hit me harder. I don’t know.

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 8:01pm

  552. 552: sunshineNo Gravatar says:

    i was reading an article by Evan Marc Katz about what he agrees and disagrees about circular dating. I feel frustrated I like the concept of dating until I have the relationship I want…but now I feel doubtful and therefore scared because i dont want to take risks of commiting to a man for 2 or plus years without guarantee but I guess i see what he means. A smart guy is’nt gonna jump into anything righ away but see if it it works. I feel annoyed! Could he be right? are there any testimonies out there that this concept of no exclusivity until the ring works? and if it does does it work for keepers and not just desperate guys? help I feel lost

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 8:04pm

  553. 553: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you Memulo. It’s so hard :(

    My head is making up stories lile crazy…

    I’m on my way to my night out at this club with my friend and her boyfriend. I also invited a girl I met during my Christmas in Florida (she lives in my city). She’s a party girl so it should be interesting.

    DjCD should be there too because he’s a DJ and he’s russian and it’s his best friend (also DJ) who organise the party. He doesn’t know Im goin to bethere (unless thefriend told him?) and Im not planing to hang out with him because his jealous ex girlfriend is probably gonna be there too…

    But I might meet other friends since the whole russian community should be there. Yay! My favorite crowd! :)

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 8:06pm

  554. 554: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    529:

    Ella,

    I get that problem when it’s humid outside.

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 8:07pm

  555. 555: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Lillybelly,

    Thank you.

    Your voice feels reassuring to me.

    This is just SO triggering to me!

    It feels so hard with this powerful feeling stuff coming up all the time.

    Lillybelly I know you were around when I was having drug issues with Mr Barman, so you probably have a good idea of my history with this.

    Yes the pee test thing felt kinda intense.

    And I felt in awe that he did it for me.

    And in a way it was kinda cool… like if we can go through that so early on… like wow really.

    Flowerchild, he pays all the rent and bills on his house, keeps his dog and recently has been spending quite a lot on me too!

    Sirens, do you think it is a good sign that he doesn’t get defensive and angry at me about this stuff?

    He has always kept his calm and been patient, well except one time when I said something and he said it was getting boring now and he left, but even then he did not get angry.

    Thanks so much for bearing with me on this.

    I feel like an awful bore droning on about this.

    And it is very triggery stuff showing up for me right now.

    Feels very scary and raw.

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 8:08pm

  556. 556: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    554: I mean when the atmosphere is cold and humid outside.

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 8:09pm

  557. 557: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Oh, – amendment!

    *I* was not having drug issues!

    Mr Barman did… and I had issues with him because of that.

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 8:10pm

  558. 558: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    Lizka, have a great time. dance, enjoy!

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 8:12pm

  559. 559: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    Turquoise, I feel positive you got him thinking :)

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 8:13pm

  560. 560: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Wow,

    I just read Erika’s article!

    Blimey.

    That is not my experience at all!

    And many of the women here are by far the most empowered authentic beings I have had the pleasure of encountering.

    I don’t see lots of snivveling victims here (well ok we have our moments! :-) ) but on the whole I see women buidling self esteem and improving their circumstances.

    I feel lots of love and support.

    It feels weird to me that someone could see it so differently!

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 8:27pm

  561. 561: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Well, it is time for bed.

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 8:28pm

  562. 562: LuzydelNo Gravatar says:

    About leaning forward or back…

    I am coming to the conclusion that is doesn’t matter.
    What matters is how I feel about myself. It doesn’t matter if I say things the wrong way, if I do not say I feel all the time. If I am loving me, and what a man does does not destroy me, I am fine. I am becoming selfish, and I am believing that only selfish people can really love. Selfish with my love to myself, not selfish about other people’s feelings, but my own towards me. I am not closing myself, to people, I am just learning not to expect love, from men anymore. That does not mean I am not open to receive their love; I am just learning to be the center of my life, so I can be happy even if I never meet a man again.

    I have a coworker who says if you want to be happy expect the worst in others. I changed that to “just do not expect anything from others”. It is a process, be open, to give myself things. Then what others do for me is just an extra.

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 8:28pm

  563. 563: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    (((((Daria)))))

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 8:29pm

  564. 564: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    560 Ella
    Same here..I just read it.

    I have a yucky feeling after seeing what she wrote. All have a right to their opinions, but her words are hurtful and she kind of rambles on and on in a very negative way. It feels hard/harsh and aggressive.

    I’m trying to give her the benefit of the doubt, perhaps she is forgetting that everyone is on their own journey??? And we are all at different points of growth in any given space in time…so we should support each siren in their path…even when it seems “whiney”…well this is a safe place and yes sometimes we need to vent and sometimes we revisit things before we can cylcle past!

    There is no universal cure all and formula for healing ourselves. Again, I believe we are all on a unique journey…..and leave it at that.

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 8:47pm

  565. 565: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks Memulo. I wonder, maybe so. Will be interesting to see if he brings it up tomorrow, or if I get an extra big hug to make up for the missing ones,… or if I get no hug and he decides to be stingy.

    I feel kinda like not giving him a hug, not because I don’t want to, but because I want him to see what it feels like to not get what you want when you want it. I don’t know… seriously feeling kinda drunk off one drink 4 hours ago? Can’t be. I must just be really tired. It’s not that late to be going to bed on a Saturday night, but I don’t care. I don’t feel like watching tv and I’m sleepy. Going to take care of me and get some rest. I’ll see him tomorrow morning.

    I know what I’ll do… when he hugs me, I’m just going to melt into him. I’m not going to hug him back. Supposed to do that anyways, but I always hug back. He gives the best hugs.

    I am choosing to follow all the rules this week.

    I will speak in feeling messages daily
    I will lean all the way back
    I will melt and mirror
    I will do what feels good, and share what feels bad
    I will CD, even though I have no idea who.

    I’m going to experiment, do it all the Rori way, and be surprised by what happens!

    There was a really cute dad at the party today who kept making eye contact and smiling at me. I mean a lot! But he had a ring on, so I didn’t engage in that. I did look at him several times, but I’m not into married men, even for casual glances. He’s someone’s husband. I respect that. He was very nice looking though, so made me feel good he was checking me out.

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 8:50pm

  566. 566: StarbrightNo Gravatar says:

    549: LiliBee,

    So glad you liked “Duty Dating!” I found it inspiring to see feeling messages and the five second smile in action…

    I’m thinking about going to the airport or some metro stops and practicing the five second smile! I know some sirens have talked about it, but I haven’t tried it yet, however I really want to up my chances of meeting men more in organically.

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 8:52pm

  567. 567: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    Lizka, I hope you have fun tonite. I am sorry you feel yucky!!!! :-(
    I’ve had that happen before…I am all amped to go out and then it fizzles because I start thinking about a guy and worrying…..but once I get out there and have a drink or two I usually feel better…I don’t know if that is bad to say but it is true!!!

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 8:53pm

  568. 568: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    Lizka, I hope you have fun tonite. I am sorry you feel yucky!!!! :-(
    I’ve had that happen before…I am all amped to go out and then it fizzles because I start thinking about a guy and worrying…..but once I get out there and have a drink or two I usually feel better…I don’t know if that is bad to say but it is true!!!

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 8:53pm

  569. 569: StarbrightNo Gravatar says:

    Turquoise,

    Your ex (or possibly both of you?) want(s) to keep things secret until you both decide if it’s going somewhere?

    It sure seems like it is from how things have been developing. The no hug would have felt bad to me too. After all he did mention a sleep over!

    Hugs!

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 8:55pm

  570. 570: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    One last thought….

    Universe, I want presents. My BFF started dating a guy a month ago, they have had 3 dates, no sex… and he brought her 3 roses on their first date, sent her a dozen roses after that, takes her to dinner, etc. and for Valentine’s Day, he bought her $300 diamond earrings, and she isn’t sure she likes him that much. No, she likes him, but he’s being so nice and coming on so strong, she said it would be nice if she had a chance to feel if she likes him. He’s already asking her about what kind of ring she wants!

    So universe… I want presents. I miss being spoiled.

    I feel fiesty… lol. UNIVERSE, do you hear me???? I want a man who gives me presents!!! I MISS that! So now, please supply. Thank you, love C

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 8:57pm

  571. 571: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Starbright,

    Yes… we don’t want to give the girls any idea of what is happening, but it hasn’t been said that it’s UNTIL we decide if this is going somewhere.

    Ahh, it’s hard, because we don’t talk about our future beyond stuff we’re doing with the kids and house. We don’t talk about us.

    Not like I expected him to flirt with my in front of his family, but guess it would have felt nice if they saw him being affectionate with me. He used to hug me in front of his fiance, and the girls. I don’t know. We definitely agreed to keep this private, and I really am ok with that. for now. just feeling kinda like I didn’t get my fix of him today, and I crave him. Damn those horomones and oxitocin. lol.

    Really I’m fine, not mad or anything. Just feeling fiesty. Like I want what I want and I want it now. I don’t normally act like a 3 year old.

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 9:03pm

  572. 572: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    I love Rori’s “rules”…they have really helped me to communicate better with men…and I do feel that the feminine energy matters and that it is empowering…I have literally seen for myself before my very eyes how it works wonders!!!

    When I’m in that mode….. Men are so sweet to me and drawn to me almost to the point where I feel overwhelmed!!! They want to help me, they smile at me, they give me good vibes.

    I am a product of being raised as a lady of the 80′s although I was a kid then….and I feel it made me too masculine and aggresive!!!!! I had to re-learn how to be girly….and I’m loving it.

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 9:04pm

  573. 573: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    Yum…I have a new CD from POF and he is not my conventional type, but wow he is exciting and really into me! BECAUSE of my girly FMs !!! Wow his responses are so sweet and I am leaning back big time!!!!!
    Love this and I owe it all to Rori!

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 9:08pm

  574. 574: StarbrightNo Gravatar says:

    Wow, Emerson you sound like you are in an amazing place! Love it!

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 9:27pm

  575. 575: StarbrightNo Gravatar says:

    Turquoise, your thoughts are so understandable! It is funny though how kids are usually quite aware of what is actually going on. They are not necessarily the last to know! :)

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 9:29pm

  576. 576: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you Starbright!
    This new POF CD is younger than me…and so sweet!

    I find that now the Rori way is not as hard or akward at all…it feels flowy and more stress free and natural…I even went and tried on some flowy dresses today so I can have several “date” dresses ready to go! I didn’t buy any though…nothing popped out at me but my search will continue tomorrow!! Nothing businessey for me…just girly flowy dresses and flowy soft colors!

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 9:32pm

  577. 577: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    Daria, Dominique, Siren Island at large…HELP

    I’m having brainfreeze, writers block.
    POF new cutie CD just asked me if I’ve met any people on the site??? What do I say?

    I feel like I should say…
    Oh I feel uncomfortable being asked that..I don’t feel comfortable discussing my dating life with a man…

    (That is a Daria script)…what do you think>>>

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 9:44pm

  578. 578: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    Gah…I’m so back in my girl energy today! I went and got my nails done earlier…and tomorrow going to spend some time on my hair! Woo woo!!
    I’m also going to look into some exercise classes nearby…I need to get back into the groove!!!

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 9:52pm

  579. 579: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    I hope I can keep this vibe…I want to put a good vibe out there…and I want to feel open to men in my life…

    I do feel scared right now of being hurt…but…I will CD so it helps with that…

    I have my eye on another CD whom I know through family friends!! He is so nice. I have been trying to not think about him so I don’t put out a needy vibe!!! But he is someone I feel curious about and he is my age (I think)….

    So right now I have 3 potential CDs!!!!

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 10:02pm

  580. 580: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    I know I look cute sometimes but I still get in this belief system sometimes that I feel amazed that a man would be ga ga over me and really like me! Isn’t that weird?
    I was not so cool in high school and guys were not that into me. I was cute but not as cool and rich/pretty/stylish as all the girls in my (rich$$) school.
    So, sometimes I forget that I am no longer that akward girl!

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 10:06pm

  581. 581: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    k nite ladies! spamming the blog concludes now!

    Saturday, 18 February 2012 @ 10:24pm

  582. 582: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Yay girls I ended up having a great night!

    Can’t wait to tell you more about it!

    It’s 3.30 am and I’ve been invited by some old friends to after party.

    Not thinking of ATw. Just enjoying myself… And vodka!

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 12:31am

  583. 583: Silver-Tongued SirenNo Gravatar says:

    530 lizka -
    i understand you feeling nervous and sick and awful about ATW not calling you for the wknd. … don’t put yourself through such stress (am I one to talk or what) – … try to do something good for yourself and get into it so you forget about him and … THEN..just observe.
    I bet that at some point it turns up what he’s been doing for the weekend…and if this happens more than once, keep observing… see what the truth is.. so you can respond rather than react.
    I don’t know, but that’s my best advice right now. feeling bad won’t help.
    I know. cause I’ve been over here feeling bad a lot. lol…
    {{{{{{{{{{{{{hugs!}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} I hope you’re having fun going out tonight!

    537 Ella
    “I feel unsafe because I can’t tell what is fear and what is intuition with me… so I feel unsafe with myself.”
    I wonder if this would be a good feeling message to share with him? I think if he hears this… he will want to help you – if he is telling the truth I think he would want to help you feel better and know 100% that you can trust him, that he is not doing anything
    … tho he did take a pee test in front of you before. I think more than likely it is just your worries coming up, but.. again if he is really caring about you he will want to understand and help with this I think.
    Don’t worry about posting about this, post all you need. I think it’s GREAT that he doesn’t get defensive and angry.

    Turquoise 551-
    ….. behind closed doors? until you agree about where you’re taking this…
    yes … that feels… not so good. not getting a hug feels not so good.
    *I* would hug you if I were there!! I may not be the same person but the oxytocin would probably still happen. lol. :)

    sunshine 552-
    “A smart guy is’nt gonna jump into anything righ away but see if it it works. I feel annoyed! Could he be right? are there any testimonies out there that this concept of no exclusivity until the ring works? and if it does does it work for keepers and not just desperate guys?”

    hmm. I don’t think they are desperate. but if a man sticks around long enough without exclusivity (except maybe sexual exclusivity)… it says they know what they want and they are willing to do what it takes to get it. That is a strong man, who is probably also patient and wise.

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 12:41am

  584. 584: Silver-Tongued SirenNo Gravatar says:

    lizka! glad you ARE having a great time! aww I miss afterparties.

    I miss the after parties at MY house. MILW and I used to always have them. until baby came. and i never get to go out since baby is older now he doesn’t sleep well anywhere but home, (when newborn they sleep constantly and easily).

    I miss getting to go out with MILW.

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 12:45am

  585. 585: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    356-357 Ella – I really liked what you said to Brenda there and I totally relate.

    When my first marriage ended after 9 years of verbal abuse, my counselor told me that he only treated me that badly because I let him do it.

    By not being strong enough to stand up for myself or walk away, I was literally giving him permission to keep treating me badly.

    He really had no good reason or incentive to stop – until the day I decided to walk out. And he tried but it was too late – my love for him was completely gone.

    xx

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 12:58am

  586. 586: Silver-Tongued SirenNo Gravatar says:

    So after my client this evening,

    MILW texted asking how it went. i called him, he sounded like he was where there were people (could’ve been the grocery store).. he said he was bringing baby home. 45 minutes later, he still wasn’t here. i texted saying I had to get ONE thing from the store (10 min drive), “I could either go now since he wasn’t here yet, or I could wait til he got back – what does he think?”

    no answer….. I called him. No answer.
    he then texted immediately, “I’ll be there in ten mins”
    I felt nervous about why didn’t he answer the phone?

    He arrived carrying in a paper grocery bag.. not sure what was in it, now that I mention it, why would he carry in a grocery bag? (since he’s not going to stay here?)…. ok.
    he comes in, leaves baby in car so I can go, (it’s naptime, baby won’t last long)… i say “will you be here when I get back?” “probably not” he says. I say okay, and bye, run out to the car. see candle burning, run back in the house to blow it out, look in his eyes, tell him thank you (for watching baby), hug him, run out again.

    Me Text: “PS i never answered your question – it went VERY well! She repeated Several times afterwards “that was WONDERFUL” and said she will definitely come again!”

    MILW: congratulations, I hope she returns frequently

    Me: I feel great and thank you for asking!

    -30 mins later

    Me: Thank you for taking all that stuff to storage! I feel so helped and loved today. :)”

    (all our daughter’s stuff that we moved out of the kids’ room has been sitting in the back of my car for a few weeks now as I haven’t had time to take it, with the baby around. But MILW did it, WITH the baby, left him in the car and he did fine …doesn’t work the same way with me)…

    MILW: Your welcome

    (this NO punctuation at the end of sentences is REALLY starting to make me feel mad – like he doesn’t care that much about what he’s saying like it’s just offhand – …….. has he always done this? I never noticed. lol

    go to store. get a bunch of items. including a new nail polish and eyeshadow (haven’t done that in ..years………)

    come home hoping my friend hasn’t arrived yet to watch a movie. as I get out of the car, MILW pulls up at the end of our driveway, letting my friend out (oh. ok. he gave him a ride.)

    I bought MILW something from store as a tiny gift for being helpful today. (he always says he thinks I don’t appreciate him……..or certain things he does….) (AND, gifts are his major love language.). (and the 1:20 ratio- 1 bad interaction to 20 good ones).

    … I grabbed it out of the car and started to walk over to him, see in the front seat, and her guy friend in the backseat. I don’t even see her, she looks at me walking to the car, I look right through her, to MY HUSBAND thank you :D, say “Hey Babe”, walk around the car,to driver’s side, say “I bought you something, but it’s cold so I’ll give it to you later” (since it appeared he may be going out). He said “thanks!” and kissed me. not sure how he kissed me, but somehow we kissed! YES! haha.

    that’s right, I am all that matters in this world. he can do whatevvver he wants, but *I* am all that matters. and as long as I am all that matters to me, I am all that matters to him.

    and then I walk off happily! sure it confused the helllllooo operator..

    go in the house, feed baby, try to put him to sleep (ha), make dinner, do etc… watch documentary with friend…

    friend falls asleep halfway through. change baby.

    MILW Calls!!! Saturday night, he calls me at 12:45. no late night since he is doing some work tomorrow morning around 10:30 which sounds like it will definitely bring a paycheck. Thank You God!

    and he talks to me….for… a while…..

    i felt like i kept trying to lead the conversation..and said too much – where I could have left silence. I felt nervous. I felt scared of silence making him feel awkward and not feeling good. I want him to feel good when talking to me.

    anyway, we talked mostly about everyday stuff, – he filled me in on what he did with the baby today (because I didn’t ASK!…lol funny how eager he is to tell me these things when I don’t ask)… and how much fun they had, asked me what I did tonight, who was watching the movie with me, (even tho he dropped friend off here), (maybe he saw my fb status inviting people? dunno). … we talked about his work thing tomorrow, computer issues on both our parts, (he said he’d bring that 3rd computer back here soon!) renting the house out, funny “potential roommate” emails, baby, baby, etc..

    all in all a good conversation, then he said he was going to sleep and I said me too, now that I got the baby to sleep – i finally said dream sweet (cause he didn’t say anything, but he was also using the computer), and he said … something i missed/fading out, and then “pleasant dreams” I said thank you, but he may have said bye and I couldn’t hear it. we hung up.

    yayyyy i like this. I like that he calls me at 12:45 am on a saturday night when he comes in to go to bed. Now I want him to SPEND the WEEKENDS with me, ..and the evenings. and the days and the mornings and forever. thank you universe for getting him home again. lol. my life is just going to be happy no matter what or whom or whatever…i am just happy happy happy cause i am.

    right now I’m also sleepy sleepy sleepy. :D

    <3 Goodnight, Sirens!

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 1:13am

  587. 587: Silver-Tongued SirenNo Gravatar says:

    oh yeah -

    when looking at quotes the other day I found this one –
    I wanted to give it to MILW.

    “You’ve no idea how hard I’ve looked for a gift to bring you.
    Nothing seemed right.

    What’s the point of bringing gold to the gold mine, or water to the ocean?
    Everything I came up with was like taking spices to the Orient.

    It’s no good giving my heart and my soul because you already have these.

    So I brought you a mirror.

    ( RUMI )

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 1:33am

  588. 588: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Almost 5 o’clock am here. I’m just on my way home. Had an amazing night!!

    20 minutes before the club closed, I met an old friend (friend of DjCD) and wr hang out and he introduced me to his frienda and two of them are soooo sexy and just exactly my type. We all went to one of the guys place and kept partying.

    DjCD’s friend told me about possibility to go see a movie together next week and the two sexy friends were litteraly fighting for my attention. I felt so sireny and I am pretty sure to hacve some invitations very soon… Yay!!!

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 1:48am

  589. 589: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    Woohoo! Gooooo Lizka! So happy you had a great night out! xxx

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 2:06am

  590. 590: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    Hello lovely ladies!

    I had a great night out last night with my sister and niece and TH came along too (surprising – especially because he’d had a big night the night before and had “endured” my daughter’s birthday party earlier).

    My sister had been having reservations about me and him, but last night she said that her opinion of him was completely different. She works on another floor of our building so only sees “work TH” not “home TH”. So last night she got to know him better than ever before.

    And she was totally impressed and told me how amazing he was, and genuine and just nice. So that felt really good to hear and now she sees what I see in him! Haha!

    It was a huge night and I have absolutely NO memory of getting home! Haha! But the rest was just fun!

    He’s out right now (he had plans to go to the cricket with the boys he “lives” with) and I’m just relaxing, feeling tired, but also feeling happy at our progress.

    After insisting I went on to FB to update my relationship status and specifically mention him, he’s not yet approved it, but he’s not had access to a computer since then (he’s only had his phone and even showed me that it won’t let him approve from it). So I’m thinking he’ll do that tomorrow or tomorrow night.

    THAT will create a stir at work! ;)

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 2:11am

  591. 591: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    #358 Lilibee

    I LOVE your post and this is how I am BEGINNING to feel inside myself, baby steps right?

    I am soooooo scared and fearful of getting hurt BUT I am damn well going to heal this!!!

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 2:14am

  592. 592: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    I am so excited about telling you about my night out!!! Therr’s so much to say!!

    But I feel so exhausted, it’s 5.15 am here. I just want to sleep. Will have to reschedule the story to tomorrow…

    Just want to say that I am now in a mood of “ATW? DjCD? Who needs them when you have 3 sexy guys asking for my phone number tonight?”

    Waaaaaaaa!! I need nights like that more often!!

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 2:15am

  593. 593: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    #358 LiliBee

    I especially love this part:

    “I don’t feel any empty holes that I need to fill, so I don’t want a bf just to say I have a bf. I just want to have fun getting to know you, be in the moment, and if it develops into a romantic relationship, it will add to my already existing happiness. Of course, I do want a happy comitted relationship, I do want to live w someone some day. But I don’t want to fall into the trap of seduction or love at 1st sight. I want a real solid relationship.”

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 2:23am

  594. 594: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    Just this past week or so I have stopped being so harsh and critical of myself. I am not like that with anybody else, yet to myself my G*d I can be such a b*tch!!

    I have started to tell the NV’s to SHUT UP, not inside my head but out loud, every time they start up, I just say SHUT UP AND GO AWAY and it is slowly working I can feel myself being kinder to me……….and I have been doing the Ella/lk/Starla thing a little bit where I talk nicely to myself like “Come on sweetie let’s make you a cup of tea this morning, you know you like that” or “Lets go and have a shower and put on something nice to wear” things of that nature and it is helping, if anybody else has any self love tips I would be so grateful to hear them.

    Yesterday I was thinking of Rosa’s STOP tool but I can’t remember if you are supposed to look up to the left or the right, can anybody remember? I believe it is a tool used by psychologists or therapists…….

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 2:31am

  595. 595: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    #379 FW

    Wow I am crying listening to this Whitney Houston song, not just because an amazing singer has just died, but the power of those words has been another step for me today and I feel this past few weeks that I am on track…..thank you for your post.

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 2:44am

  596. 596: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    SM lovely song eh.

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 2:51am

  597. 597: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Turq I feel weird about your story but I also believe you gave him food for thought. He now knows that you want more and I wiould encourage you to check with yourself to see how valuable it makes you feel. I agree with the siren that says you are keeping it secret but it is likely that the girls already feel what is going on. Ever heard of the term open secret? Plus the kids aren’t stupid. Maybe others might disagree with me but I don’t like being anyone’s secret and it seems to me like you are telling the Universe that is what you are worthy of. Plus you have agreed with him to keep this a secret so to a certain extent he won’t understand why you now want a public hug. Talking about things will bring it to the forefront so he can decide what he wants to do and if he wants to give you that. I see it as a babystep nudging things a bit forward.

    I believe it was great that you were able to see his family in that light. I feel happy about the change in his sister and believe this is a topic you can speak to him about. He might see you in place of her during the discussion. I amhoping he felt the good vibes between you and them that will start a longing to have his family truly back together again.

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 3:01am

  598. 598: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    #464 FW

    I didn’t see the funeral here but will look out for it today on youtube. Wow fancy Whitney thinking she wasn’t enough with all she had going for her.

    It made me think of all those stunningly beautiful movie stars and famous people who get cheated on or dumped which must be horrific in the public eye especially these days with the media intensity.

    It doesn’t matter who you are it’s how you feel inside about yourself that matters.

    Learning To Love Yourself Is The Greatest Gift Of All.

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 3:05am

  599. 599: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    About Erika’s comments, I read them but chose not to say anything. Everyone see’s things through their own eyes and experieces things differently. We all live in different worlds and though I did not like her choice of words I choose not cringe or feel judgemental about her. Though it could be conjured up as bad publicity at times such publicity creates business for the person being bad mouthed. There are those that might be influenced by her words but there are those who prefer to try things out and make decisions for themselves. In any event I noticed only one person commented so I am not even convnced any damage was done. I got no emotional charge to fight or defend because of the article. blah

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 3:08am

  600. 600: River GirlNo Gravatar says:

    562: Luzydel says:
    “About leaning forward or back…”

    Luzydel, I am loving your posts today. I agree, when you are being totally authentic and have no expectations or neediness, it doesn’t matter two hoots what you do because your vibe will be leaned back and authentic by default.

    And Rori’s tools are brilliant! They help us connect with the real self; beneath ego and personality. When we are in that place, that’s when we really shine, and that’s when a man is drawn to us. That’s what I believe.

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 3:08am

  601. 601: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    #467 FW

    I loved the way it was just her and that STUNNING voice she had. She was sexy but discreetly so, not like some of today’s lot who thrust their crotches in your face and aren’t that great a singer anyway.

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 3:13am

  602. 602: amethystshimmerNo Gravatar says:

    my man of 6 months stopped rowing the boat, i stopped leaning back and instead got angry, my man withdrew more, i got more angry. i’ve been reading the blog. its really positive at the moment and it helps. i am trying to love the progress i have made but at the same time do not know how to shift my vibe to get my man back rowing the boat…how do i go back to dating? i don’t think he would take me cding other men yet at the moment he’s not investing much in us – he’s faithful to me but doesn’t include me with his family or his plans. i want a relationship that is connected and he seems to segregate me. please help at the moment i’m a sad baby siren – thank you beautiful ladies xxx ps am i on a different time scale to everyone else? 11:20am here

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 3:20am

  603. 603: PeachesNo Gravatar says:

    BW

    Love your story..I feel so glad you had such a great night and so happy for you that things have turned around just like that! I think its wonderful :)

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 3:27am

  604. 604: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks for all your replies and support to my issues.

    Generally I think I want to give him the benefit of the doubt… and work on my trust issues.

    If there is anything it will come out in the end anyway… it always does doesn’t it.

    And hopefully there is nothing here, and it is just my issues and will all blow over.

    In some ways I wish I had never, ever said anything to him… cus if he didn’t think it bothered me, then he would just be normal and I would not think he was trying to hide anything.

    I mean he wouldn’t bother to hide it in front of his other colleagues who aren’t bothered…

    But it would have been inauthentic to pretend it didn’t bother me.

    I do find it suprising that he just stopped doing it as soon as I mentioned (after Xmas) that I felt a bit worried about it.

    But then he has gone to great lengths to prove to me he is not an addict and that he cares and wants me to feel good and put me first.

    I just want it to be a non issue now.

    I want to forget about it.

    And for him just to be his normal self.

    And me feel ok.

    Yes please, that will feel good.

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 3:31am

  605. 605: River GirlNo Gravatar says:

    What a great weekend it turned into BW. Bet you’ve got some lovely feelings to sink back into tonight! xo
    TH should be in good spirits after a big win at the Gabba tonight too!

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 3:32am

  606. 606: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    ((((((Hugs Ella))))))))))

    BW you are proving to us that things can change in an instant.

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 3:35am

  607. 607: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    #504 Lillybelly

    Awwww you have such a lovely dad that must make you feel so secure in his love.

    {{{ HUGS }}}

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 3:46am

  608. 608: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    #515 Lillybelly

    Some great “love me” tips there, thank you. :)

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 3:47am

  609. 609: River GirlNo Gravatar says:

    Ella,

    Would it be ok to trust him? What if everything went pear shaped? Then there would be just you….and even then you would be ok…..because you trust yourself….no matter what. xo

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 3:49am

  610. 610: WildflowerNo Gravatar says:

    FW, Emerson, Brenda and Daria–Thank you so much for your support.

    Still trying to figure out what this has brought up to heal. From a positive perspective I’ve allowed one or two people who were similar to this man to control me and have power over me. This time I chose not to allow that once I realized what was going on. Thanks to Rori I ended it in a kind, non accusatory way despite everything, which feels empowering to me overall. I do feel sad, angry, frustrated at times though. It feels almost like withdrawl. I guess I’m noticing I do feel chemistry with this type of person. Emerson like you said I guess it takes time.

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 4:04am

  611. 611: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    #566 Starbright

    What a crazy fun idea to go to the airport for practise on the 5 second thing. :D

    I now live about 45 minutes from London Heathrow and the bus goes right past my front door!! :D:D:D

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 4:07am

  612. 612: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    #573 Emerson

    So happy you are back in the groove. :)

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 4:09am

  613. 613: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Rivergirl.

    Yes. You are right.

    I can trust him.

    And if it all went wrong I still have me. I am not abandoning me.

    Just trying something new.

    I can sill express how I feel.

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 4:09am

  614. 614: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    #578 Emerson

    So funny – I wrote my groove post to you after reading your #573 then I just read you saying the very same thing AFTER I had posted to you – great minds think alike. :D

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 4:12am

  615. 615: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Right now, at this time, I just feel so tense.

    Like this thing has got blown out of all proportion.

    I am not judgemental… people can do that if they want, but somehow by default I have become seprate and I feel polarized.

    I don’t want this emotional charge anymore.

    I just want it to be a non issue.

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 4:12am

  616. 616: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    I feel all energentically bound in to this.

    I don’t want that.

    I feel so tired of it now.

    I just want not to care.

    Who cares.

    What will it matter when we are all dust anyway!

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 4:13am

  617. 617: PeachesNo Gravatar says:

    Ella

    It took me ages to learn the difference between excitement/fear/intuition…I wish I’d learned to listen to myself and trust myself years ago.

    Now I know this, I feel generally safer within myself, and last year had several defining moments when my intuition served me well. Sometimes, I had a dream that stayed with me when I woke up, and the message in the dream was right.

    Yes, trust yourself…after all, you is all you have. And if you can trust and love him too, thats a bonus! :)

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 4:15am

  618. 618: River GirlNo Gravatar says:

    Of course you can Ella

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 4:17am

  619. 619: WildflowerNo Gravatar says:

    Ella I soooo get what you’re saying. Not sure if you read my earlier post but it makes you feel INSANE when your intuition is telling you something is amiss. In my situation it turns out my instincts were spot on from day one. But I wondered if i was crazy and had trust issues. in the end i decided to end things with my man because (aside from lying about being divorced) some things he said and did made me feel really bad. i realized i felt tense around him a lot and i was feeling myself become less confidant, which contrasts with all of my friends who are in happy relationshiops. i knew deep down he wasn’t right for me. so i should just move on and focus on the here and now and the future. but i still fight this overwhelming urge to play detective and want to “figure out” who he really is and what else he has lied about. i could obsess about it and play detective all day long. i’m probably going to have to block him on facebook to kick that urge. not sure what my point is lol but i can relate to how you’re feeling.

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 4:17am

  620. 620: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    I want to share with him how I am feeling all tense and wrapped up in this.

    And how I feel tired of it.

    How I want to let it go.

    I am scripted for what I want to say.

    But I want it to be brief.

    I just want to share how I am feeling. And let it go.

    I am seeing him later.

    He is cooking me dinner :-)

    I want to share, but I won’t jump straight in… I will see the vibe of the evening first.

    I just so want this to be a non issue now.

    I feel tired.

    I want to focus on other things.

    I want to be free.

    It would feel good if he got his nose sorted out… but that is up to him.

    Maybe I can just say ‘although I believe you everytime I hear you sniffing I feel a small tensing reaction in my body’.

    Maybe I will, maybe not.

    But I will share how I feel tired of this.

    I want to let it go. I want to move on.

    i want to feel free and good.

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 4:18am

  621. 621: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    #585 BW

    I can totally relate to your post, totally.

    By the time my ex husband decided to “try harder” it was too late and I no longer loved him. The funny thing is I was married to him for almost 30 years (I was a child bride :)) and I barely ever give him more than a passing thought.

    The opposite of love is not hate, it’s indifference.

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 4:18am

  622. 622: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Wildflower.

    Thanks.

    The issue for me is I am not at all sure this is intuition… I think it may be fear.

    Or some and some.

    But I don’t think he is the addict I first thought…

    In fact I am fairly sure he is not.

    And he makes me feel good.

    Really good.

    I feel his energy on me.

    All the time.

    Strongly.

    And even when I am going round in circles with this he never wavers.

    I don’t think he is an angel. And I believe he is capable of telling lies like we all are. And maybe sometimes he would bend the truth to make me happy.

    But I do not think he is trying to decieve me or hurt me.

    I think he cares about me a lot.

    I feel scared. And kinda flaky, and like a rag doll shaking about in the wind.

    But he is there to hold me steady.

    I don’t know much else.

    I am just going to go with it for now.

    I trust me.

    xoxox

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 4:25am

  623. 623: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    #619 Ella

    Are you CD’ing?

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 4:29am

  624. 624: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    If I listened to myself I would probably walk away.

    Simply because of how tense and triggery this feels.

    I mean if I feel tense and triggered and real resistance/uncomfortable in the pit of my tummy it must be my intuition telling me something is off right?

    Well I don’t really know!

    But if I walked away now I would always wonder…

    I am not ready to walk away now.

    I am not sure I want to… I do not trust my intuition right now.

    I think it could be off.

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 4:32am

  625. 625: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Silver Moonbeam.

    Of sorts… I am open to it.

    Although most all of them have fallen out of rotation through being flaky or me just not being able to force myself to accept anymore dates with them.

    I am open to CD-ing and accepting dates, and am CD-ing in my daily life.

    But I have no actual dates booked right now.

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 4:34am

  626. 626: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Ella I am wondering if it is one of those quirky habits that drive us batty after a while.

    Or is it just something that you find disgusting? as in ewwwwwwwwwww nasty?

    Or is it something you sense your family/friends will be judgemental about and you are unconsciously worried that your relationship with him will not be validated/approved of by them?

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 4:35am

  627. 627: LenaNo Gravatar says:

    Hi everyone.

    Wow – I guess I wont find my post and replies to that anymore – the thread moves so fast.

    I wrote about A – we had a first date this Monday. When we talked I asked him if he is in relationship or not. He answered he is not… “I swear”.

    Well today I found out from a friend that his FB status is in relationship and that they are still being sweet to each other on his wall… It hit me right in the gut. Thats why he didnt want to add me… My hands started to shake. I guess it not that he is in relationship – I dont really know him, its that he lied. I felt like a fool… To trust someones words like that… And I felt smth is not right. He txts but not calls, etc.

    So I txted him that I heard that he is in relationship and if its true – I dont want to do anything with him and i feel disappointed and bad and I want a serious relationship.

    He answered me that he is no longer with her for a month. Thats its ok if I dont want to see him but he is very sorry that he upset me and that he really likes me. That this week was very busy, he got sick, etc…

    I would lash out without thinking before but I decided to write it in a FM. I said that I feel hurt and that I am very sensitive to things like that and it made me cry. That I feel confused and I dont know how to trust him now.

    He txted me there is nothing wrong, he misses me, he is a good man and to trust him. Not to cry, etc.

    I didnt reply. Because I dont know what to do. I let myself cry. Why wouldnt he just call than? Should I still see this guy or just move on?

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 4:36am

  628. 628: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Ella keep exploring exploring and asking yourself what is this that I am feeling and I am sure your goddess self will guide you if you listen.

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 4:38am

  629. 629: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Lena if you go to edit at the top, then find on this page and type in your name, it might take you to responses addressed to you.

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 4:39am

  630. 630: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Lena still see him. He might not be in a relationship who knows. It will be practice to not get invested in any one person. Add other guys to your rotation so you can experience different things you like. He is only one man. There are several out there who would want you. why put all your eggs in one basket? What if it falls?

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 4:42am

  631. 631: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Also do not facebook stalk him. It might drive you crazy.

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 4:43am

  632. 632: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    FW re 625

    No. None of those.

    It is simply because it instantly triggers the thought that he is doing coke.

    And yes, if I thought that my family and friends would think the same that would be difficult.

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 4:50am

  633. 633: WildflowerNo Gravatar says:

    Ella–yeah i didn’t mean to imply he’s lying or a bad person (even if he is) or anything. i’ve told my share of lies and have many skeletons in my closet. one of the things i’m learning to do is just be real about who i am (flaws and all). my guy’s energy definitely wasn’t on me (other than in a controlling way). i’ve felt crazy for the past month due to this whole ordeal. the irony is hte things he hid from me would have made me love him more. not talking about the marriage thing, but how he tried to make himself out to be something he wasn’t. i guess he figured that’s who i wanted him to be?? i guess it just feels good to write about it because i do feel really sad about it sometimes and just want to cry. on a positve note i had a date last night with a very nice man. i met a few folks at speed dating who are cute and nice. i also have a date with a man i met at a meetup group. yeah me :-)

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 4:53am

  634. 634: PeachesNo Gravatar says:

    @ 620 Silver Moonbeam

    ‘the opposite of love is not hate, it’s indifference’…..that is so so true.

    I had exactly the same experience with my ex-husband – by the time he realised there was a serious problem and it would all be over, he really did try hard, but it was way too late for me. I do give him credit for trying though.

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 4:54am

  635. 635: WildflowerNo Gravatar says:

    FW–i meant to ask you. do you really have people show you a health record before you sleep with them? how do people react? just curious.

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 4:55am

  636. 636: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Well Super Nice CD has agreed to let me CD him purely on a friends basis!

    I told him that I am kinda seeing someone (when I was letting him know I did not want to date anymore) but that I would be open to friends.

    This means… I can still go out with him, and he won’t try to kiss me!!

    Yay.

    It could be good for me.

    What do you all think?

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 4:55am

  637. 637: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Wildflower re 632

    Yay.

    Go you.

    :-)

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 4:58am

  638. 638: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    Well Sirens I have FINALLY got up the nerve or fear whatever it was that was holding me back to properly get myself out there and CD. I re-activated my POF last night and also Smooch and have found another free dating site in the UK called Oasis.

    I don’t know what has happened with me but I feel a shift in my vibe just this past few weeks.

    I have been doing the Wayne Dyer I WANT TO FEEL GOOD mantra quite a bit and also the one my counsellor taught me when I saw her when I was going through my divorce I LOVE AND APPROVE OF MYSELF.

    I have been working on being gentle and kind and forgiving of myself and learning to shut the NV’s up.

    A few threads back I said how I was like a deer caught in the headlights and frozen and got some great answers.

    Then yesterday I had the most interesting conversation with my sister (is it sister week? Quite a few have mentioned their sister’s on this blog). Anyway I was going to my niece’s to visit as my sister (her mum) had come down to London to see her and the baby. I didn’t really know how to get to her street so my sister came to meet me off the main bus I had gotten then we were to get a short bus ride to niece’s house.

    So she said we should have a coffee and talk for a while first so we could have some private chat as she didn’t want to talk about such stuff in front of her daughter as she knows she will disapprove.

    This is my youngest sister, she is the baby in our family, is only 5′ 2″ and is cute, such a different dynamic to me, the eldest 5′ 7″ and never been called cute in my life LOL!!

    I never knew what a natural Siren she was until I found Rori. I remember once some years ago she was buying or doing something, can’t quite remember and I said “Oh what about M (her husband) aren’t you getting for him too?” and she said laughingly “No, it’s all about me!” and I can remember thinking what a selfish cow lol!! Little did I know…….

    In October 2010 her husband died, he was SUCH a great man and everybody who met him loved him instantly. He was only just 50 and had a heart condition that finally killed him. He absolutely worshipped and adored my sister and used to call her things like “my little S” and so on. For the last say 5 years of their marriage he was taking such strong drugs that he had no libido so their sex life was finished. She said how much she missed that part of her life but had to accept it as she loved him.

    Fast forward to October 2011 she went on holiday overseas, met some guy and had a holiday fling, so when she told me I just thought she probably wanted the sex and connection and thought no more about it. I haven’t seen her since the beginning of December when we talked about POF and dating sites, but never about RR or leaning back or flirting, just in general. She had obviously never been on a dating site before so I just showed her how to set up her profile and photo’s etc.

    Yesterday she told me she had seriously started with the dating thing (traditional way not RR) and had been on a few dates with various men as well as meeting them organically, she even told me you could get POF as an app and showed me now I have it on my phone LOL!!

    She has been for a weekend away with one guy but said she wasn’t really feeling it for him, but he persists in texting her and sending flowers, etc.

    She said she is going to keep at it until she finds somebody.

    So here was our text message convo last night after I got home and after MUCH thinking on the bus home.

    ME – You have convinced me to give it another go and stop worrying about my weight and getting hurt. I just wish I had your attitude but I am working on it.

    SIS – Guess I think it’s my life and I’ll behave how I want and that involves me flirting with men lol!! Happy fishing it’s a waste of time waiting around like a wallflower and one to show up.

    ME – What’s that other free site you mentioned?

    SIS – Oasis, happy flirting go for it!!

    ME – OK will check it out later

    SIS – Keep going, he is out there somewhere!! I’m just flirting on POF at the minute LOL!!

    Then today I get up and FW has posted that song from Whitney Houston “Try it on my own” and I felt strong and powerful listening to it.

    So Sirens I will no doubt be needing some help from you (and my sister) my heart is pounding, I feel nervous and it’s like that book I read from years ago.

    Feel The Fear And Do It Anyway by Susan Jeffers.

    The Five Truths About Fear
    ——————————————————————————–

    FEAR TRUTH #1

    The fear will never go away as long as you continue to grow!
    Every time you take a step into the unknown, you experience fear. There is no point in saying, “When I am no longer afraid, then I will do it.” You’ll be waiting for a long time. The fear is part of the package.

    FEAR TRUTH #2

    The only way to get rid of the fear of doing something is to go out and…do it!
    When you do it often enough, you will no longer be afraid in that particular situation. You will have faced the unknown and you will have handled it. Then new challenges await you, which certainly add to the excitement in living.

    FEAR TRUTH #3

    The only way to feel better about yourself is to go out and…do it!
    With each little step you take into unknown territory, a pattern of strength develops. You begin feeling stronger and stronger and stronger.

    FEAR TRUTH #4

    Not only are you afraid when facing the unknown, so is everyone else!
    This should be a relief. You are not the only one out there feeling fear. Everyone feels fear when taking a step into the unknown. Yes, all those people who have succeeded in doing what they have wanted to do in life have felt the fear – and did it anyway. So can you!

    FEAR TRUTH #5

    Pushing through fear is less frightening than living with the bigger underlying fear that comes from a feeling of helplessness!
    This is the one truth that some people have difficulty understanding. When you push through the fear, you will feel such a sense of relief as your feeling of helplessness subsides. You will wonder why you did not take action sooner. You will become more and more aware that you can truly handle anything that life hands you.

    These five truths about fear have been adapted from Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway® and its sequel, Feel the Fear and Beyond.

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 5:10am

  639. 639: LenaNo Gravatar says:

    Hi, FM.

    Thank you for your reply.

    I didnt stalk him. He told me he is single – I just took it as it was. My friends told me that that is a friend with him on FB. I am actually afraid to see smth there myself…

    There is also another guy who courts me. But I am not attracted to him. He is strange though – I was literally telling him to stop txting and calling him and he just wont give up… He sais that I am beautiful inside and out and he doesnt wont to let this opportunity go…

    There is another guy who “fell in love” with me with my letters and pictures only… I think its crazy coz he never saw me in person… He wants to come meet me though…

    As for A I decided to write him smth like this…

    “I dont really know you and I feel really scared. I dont want to be hurt. I was lied to before. Thats why it hurts me because I feel like I was taken advantage of this openess of me yet again. I dont want to change this in me, nor I want to start playing some tricks to defend myself from it… Because it shuts down smth very real inside. So I will take what you are saying as it is. If thats the truth than yes – I would like to know who are you. Because I really dont know you. I would liek to know what kind of person are you, what makes your life, etc.”

    Is it too much?

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 5:18am

  640. 640: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    604 RG – Oh they were very happy boys when I picked them up! Haha!

    And yes I’m still feeling on a high, and he keeps smiling at me! It feels so good! :)

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 5:29am

  641. 641: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    605 FW – it’s amazing what leaning back and (trying to use) FM’s can do!

    :)

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 5:30am

  642. 642: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Lena I believe it is too much but you have said enough for the sirens to help you with a script. Also please open up yourself to these other two guys who seem interested. If you date this 3rd one it will free you up to let him know you like to keep your options open and aren’t in a rush to jump into anything with your two feet. You want to take your time to get to know people and to choose creating your happiness wisely.

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 5:30am

  643. 643: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    620 SM – OOOHH yes. Indifference definitely!

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 5:32am

  644. 644: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Wildflower I am an older woman and there is no urgency in me to sleep with anyone so I set a boundary around that. Some guys flake out when I state it and others have expressed openness about doing that when I am ready to go there. I have slept with guys and have not gone there. Once they understand that you love yourself enough to do what you need to take care of yourself men are open. I take it that whoever is not open to waiting on me is not the man for me.

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 5:34am

  645. 645: LenaNo Gravatar says:

    Too much?… Yes – it kinda really a lot of info. I am just scared of him and to trust him. But I really dont know him on the other hand and would like to know him better as well. Maybe to write as short and simpleas this one sentence already tomorrow… I also think I use “feel scared”, feel this or that too much. I am just not used to it at all. I feel like an emotional mess) I am surprised both A and B still answers to all this!

    I am talking to B and writting to R. But its just scary – once I open my heart – they get all crazy… Start dropping big words, etc. This feels very uncomfortable because love for me is not like jumping off the cliff…

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 5:39am

  646. 646: LenaNo Gravatar says:

    I got a weird comment today too. But I hear it from time to time. That I look like a STRONG woman and some get really surprised when they see me emotional.

    I dont really think I am strong at all. I actually want to be a “flower”… I think thats who I am but I just have to be tough for my kid – I am a single mom…

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 5:42am

  647. 647: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Sirens,

    FW, I feel a little wierd about it too… but it’s not his families business that we are being romantically involved. The thing about the hug is that he’s hugged me before in front of them, so guess it was more about now why didn’t he want to? Is he worried about what they might think? I don’t know, that is getting in his head… and I”m not going there. I didn’t feel that us hugging would have broken any secret that there is more here, which was more my point. But, I’m not going to worry about it. Like I said before, everything has to be his idea, so if/when this leads to more, he’d want to be the one bringing it up to them.

    In the meantime… I don’t want to disect every little detail of what happens with us, which is happening because my focus is too much on him, wondering what he means by what he says and does. I need to shift my focus back onto me. How do I feel. I get it now, why CD’ing is so important.

    I just wonder where I”m going to meet other men. I really feel like I’ve done the online thing for so long, it’s not working for me. I need to meet men in a new way. Maybe take a class or join a meetup, or just make a new group of friends, see who I get introduced to.

    I am enjoying being more aware of the dynamics of other couples when I’m out. Last night at dinner, the couple sitting next to me didn’t talk, at all that I saw. He was a nice kinda looking man, slender. She was a big woman with bleached blonde hair dressed all in black. Neither of them smiled or looked happy. I felt bad for them. I wanted to strike up a conversation with them to ease the painful silence, but my BFF and I were catching up on a lot of personal stuff, and things going on with close friends, not like we were talking about sports or weather or anything casual like that.

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 5:55am

  648. 648: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Lena,

    That sounds like way too much to me. I’d drop it entirely, see if he asks you out again and go from there. Personally for me, trust has to be earned. I don’t trust strangers I’ve just met to be honest with me. Will it break me in half if I find out I’ve been lied to? No. Disappoint me, probably. But at this point, you’ve had one date…. it’s not a relationship yet. You asked him about the woman, he’s saying he’s single. If you want to go out with him again and he asks then go. We can’t know everything a man says or does in his life. He could be on a bunch of dating sites, even if you meet someone on the street. He would have lunch with a woman at his office daily, he could be flirting with the neighbor…. even if a man says he’s single, doens’t mean there aren’t other women in his life. The idea of dating is to see if you want to weed the others out and commit to just that one person. It’s the same for guys.

    I think your message will scare him away. Make him too responsible for you feeling scared, and I always think it’s a bad idea to say we’ve been hurt in the past, as if they are somehow responsible for that.

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 6:02am

  649. 649: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    If they ask about your past, certainly you can share a little. But I’ve learned it’s best not to go into a lot of specific details.

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 6:05am

  650. 650: LenaNo Gravatar says:

    Hi, Turquoise

    I agree. I dont want to start the sob stories about the past with anyone at all. Ever.

    I just wrote I am scared but would want to know him better. Wished him to get well (he said he got sick) and good night. Thats it. Maybe I shouldnt write that – I had this thought. I was wondering if he will step up and do smth tom. But I also felt like he is waiting for me to answer smth in the way he was writting – some form of approval or confirmation that I also like him… So it went off… Anyways – if it wont happen, it just wont happen. I dont feel like writting anything to him anymore.

    Thank you for your help…

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 6:11am

  651. 651: tennyNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Sirens. Taking a break today from my CDs for some Siren time. Trying to catch up on the blog but my mobile is slow viewing. Going to work on new fm today. CD assertive is now in love with me and CD song is more intense, my other CDs are not stepping up but lingering and then popping up suddenly. Not much activity on the dating sites either. But i welcome the lull because i need some serious me time. Lean back time. Reevaluating my boundaries, choosing my words . . . Yes, me time. Off for a bubble bath now. Will catch up later

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 6:14am

  652. 652: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    That’s good Lena. I think you did fine. Best thing to do is let go of any expectation, and just see what happens. :) Try not to worry about it.

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 6:15am

  653. 653: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    That’s good Lena. I think you did fine. Best thing to do is let go of any expectation, and just see what happens. :) Try not to worry about it.

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 6:15am

  654. 654: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    OMG I just did it!!!

    I said NO to ATW to see him tonight because he didn’t made plans with me in advance.

    I’m such a goddesssssssssss!!!

    I used the FM suggested by Lilibee yesterday: “I feel disappinted cause I was excited about seeing you. but to tell you the truth, I don’t feel good waiting around, especially when I end up feeling disappointed, so I made plans for myself. I feel important when someone makes plans in advance for me…”

    I don’t feel afraid AT ALL even if it’s been a few minutes and ge haven’t answer and you know why?????

    BECAUSE 3 D*MM HOT POTENTIAL CDS HAVE MY PHOE NUMBER BETWEEN THEIR HANDS AND I’M WAITING FOR THEIR INVITATION!!!!!!!!!!

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 6:18am

  655. 655: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Well I’m not “waiting”, I just meant, for sure at least one of them will call me soon… I was just too sireny to be yrue last night… .)

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 6:20am

  656. 656: MochaberriNo Gravatar says:

    Morning Sirens! have a question for Brenda. You suggested a book called God as a matchmaker…..can you tell me the author?

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 6:34am

  657. 657: LuzydelNo Gravatar says:

    This we women have to learn from men…

    * men do not obsess over being single.

    * men put themselves first.

    * men are good at not calling, leaning back when they see we are not sure about them.

    * men do not confuse sex with love

    * men do not commit to anyone until their lives are in order.

    Of course men have things that are negative, and they need to learn things from us women as well. But I am seeing they men are a bit ‘selfish’ and that a little bit selfishness can be healthy for us women.

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 6:36am

  658. 658: LuzydelNo Gravatar says:

    Also

    *men know when to let go, if they don’t see a potential, they leave, they don’t try to change themselves or the woman, they just move on.

    * men know how to have fun, without expectations.

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 6:47am

  659. 659: PeachesNo Gravatar says:

    Luzydel, all of that is sadly so true!

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 6:50am

  660. 660: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    Luzydel,

    #656: Sorry, it is NOT true :)

    Like with us, everything depends on someone’s personality and a degree of involvement. I had guys waiting outside in the street till morning while I was in another guy’s apartment.

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 7:06am

  661. 661: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    Luzydel sorry cut the prior post short I’m in a rush, just wanted to give you a quick example. there are many more. I wouldn’t compare genders that is what I meant to say

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 7:10am

  662. 662: LuzydelNo Gravatar says:

    660: Memulo

    I can also provide examples to “prove” my case, but there is no reason to. Of course there are exceptions. But those observations are based on regular guys. If it was an equal thing, then sites like this one will be as common for men.

    Men do not obsess about this things like we do, this is not an attack, but an observation.

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 7:21am

  663. 663: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    I slept only 3 hours and I’m feeling a little hangover, but I’m so excited about sharing my night with you girls that sleeping more can wait…

    So I was just in the line up with my girl friend and her boyfriend, and I had already met like 10 people I knew, including E and S…

    So the night was fun, started slowly, just some drinks wuiet at the bar, E was acting like he was mad at me because I was more VIP than him and I could pass in front of him in the line up and didn’t invite him to join me… hehe

    Oh, and I cheated a little. Please don’t judge me… When I started being a little tipsy, I, “by mistake”, sent ATW a message that was intended to someone else… just something about the ticket to get in the club… I was drunk and didn’t really think of it. And he replied immediately “Talk to you soon baby”. I knooooooow it’s unauthentic but I said (Oh oops… wrong person” and he said “enjoy your night out”. I didn’t reply…

    So when he stopped being angry, we danced, super sexy like we never usually dance like that… And I flirted with his friend too.

    E was pretty much monopolizing me a big part of the night. While I was dancing with him at some point a guy (not interesting one) came to see me and asked if I was taken), I said “he’s not my boyfriend bot I want to enjoy more dancing with him right now. I’ll try to find you later to dance if I feel like it”… Hehe and E got so surprised and gave this look to the guy… Turned out the guy was a total jerk and really annoying but whatever…

    So I was just easy breazy, talking to all the guy friends I had there, and dancing with them and just enjoying so much the music (the DJ was INCREDIBLE!!!) and having fun with my girl friend.

    My girl friend was amazing by the way. I was afraid she would get bored because it’s a very Russian crowd and she was with her boyfriend and also because she doesn’t drink since she’s training for a fitness competition… But I felt so impressed because she was really enjoying herself and dancing like crazy. I felt really proud of her and I told her in FMs. I’m happy I got closer to a girl friend last night. :)

    So like 30 minutes before the end of the night (bars close at 3 am here), a guy I always found sexy (old friend of DjCD) came and was so happy to see me and was making jokes about the past and he introduced me to his two sexy friends and I just literately melted and one of them in particular was really into me, trying to dance really close to me, wich I don’t like when I dance on trance music…

    Just to make it simple, and because I don’t want to “named” them yet, We will call these 3 guys Potential-1 (DjCD’s friend), Potential-2, and Potential-3…

    So when the club closed and they kicked us out, Potential-1 asked me to join them for after party at Potential-3′s place…

    At first I said no because I was tired but P2 and P3 insisted that I go so I went.

    Everyone was so nice to me, including the girls. We smoked shisha and just hang out and talked. P1 suggested that we go a movie next week and took my phone number…

    P2 was the less interesting of the 3 but definitely the most into me. He was asking me questions, and keeping my seat, and tried to touch me but I didn’t feel too comfortable… He took my phone number too…

    P3 was definitely the cuttest and the hottest. OMG he looked like the sexy guy from 2 years ago I wrote about earlier this week, but younger. Yummy… We definitely had a deep connexion. We did crazy 10 seconds eyes contact and at the end of each he said “wow your eyes are really ???” (can’t remember what he was using… deep? bright? dunno…). And he was looking at me so intense wooooow!! And at some point he took my foot and started to massage it! In front if P2 who was definitely jealous that I let him do that!!

    But P3 didn’t ask for my phone number… I know he can easily find it since his 2 friends have it but he might be embarassed to ask it since they were also into me… hmmm… I might try to find him on Facebook…

    So I left the place and P1 insisted again about going to see a movie next week. And P2 said he would share a cab with me even though he lived only 5 minutes away from the after party place. I live much more far. When he left, he gave money to the driver. I thought he gave him 6$ since that’s what the counter was at but when I got home and wanted to pay the rest of the ride, no… he had paid for it too. Wow that’s cute. :)

    I wanted to text him (he gave me his phone number too) to thank him but I decided not too. If I get to see him again (because even if he was the less interesting, I’m still open to date him) I’ll thank him.

    :) interesting night isn’t it?

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 7:30am

  664. 664: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    And this morning, yes, I did something incredible!!!

    I woke up after only 3 hours of sleep and I had a message from ATW…

    I feel so proud of myself with what I said…

    Here’s the conversation:

    ATW: Good morning, you went out late last night?

    Lizka: 5 am….

    ATW: Wow sorry! What are you doing later?

    Lizka: Running, cleaning, relaxing… and you?

    ATW: I don’t know… I call you later?

    Lizka: Yes if you want :)

    ATW: End of the afternoon is that good for you? For a movie or something?

    Lizka: Oh. Actually, I’m pretty busy today. I don’t think I will have time…

    Lizka: I feel really disappointed because I was really excited about seeing you…

    Lizka [again!!!] Actually, I don’t feel really good when I have to wait for invites, specially when I end up being disappointed… So I made plans with myself for today…

    Lizka [I know it's getting really long but I had a message to share]: I feel more important when someone makes plans in advance with me… ;)

    ATW: Ok well have a good day in that case… I will make plans in advance in the future [yay!!!!!]. My assistant will contact yours. :-) I’ll call you later anyway

    Lizka: Ok! Talk to you later!

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 7:46am

  665. 665: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Heheeeee!!!

    He said “I’ll call you later anyway”.

    He must be so surprised by my NO !!!!!

    100 000 points for Lizka, la la la !!!

    I feel so good!!!

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 7:48am

  666. 666: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    I found Potential-3 on Facebook. Even if it’s leaning forward, I sent him a friend request…

    HE IS SO D*MM HOT!! I feel definitely turned on.

    I’m just afraid he might have a girlfriend… There was beauty products in his bathroom… ex girlfriend maybe? Hmm I’m wondering…

    We had this connexion, his eyes looking at me. I felt it very very deep. And he massaged my foot!! :)

    Oh and I just remembered he hold me very tight when I left…

    Why didn’t he ask for my phone number?

    I just realised he look 100% like Leonardo Dicaprio…

    Ok I HAVE the be the more sireny as possible with this guy he is too incredibly hot.

    This Facebook leaning forward is the last time I will ever lean forward with him. I promise!! :)

    I can’t wait that he accepts my friend request :)

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 7:57am

  667. 667: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Mochaberri,

    RE: #665 – It’s called, “God Is a Match Maker” by Derek Prince.

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 7:58am

  668. 668: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    On his Facebook it doesn’t say he has a gf… and he has no pictures with a girl…hmmmm I feel so curious :)

    OK LIZKAAAAAAAAAa

    Put the focus back on you now!!

    That’s it, I’m off to buy bacon to heal my hangover. :)

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 7:59am

  669. 669: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    664:

    Lizkaaaaaa!!!!

    You’re the goddeeeesss siiirrreeeennn!!!

    Woohoooo!!! You rock!!!

    Now, heeee’s in the position that heee’s gotta show Youuu he really wants Youuu.
    You’re the prize now.

    My coffea mug is up to toast to you sister siren! :D

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 7:59am

  670. 670: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    664:

    And Lizka,

    In this new “prize” position, you get to find out what he really wants from you, if he steps up or if he doesn’t.

    That must feel powerful.

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 8:01am

  671. 671: LilybellyNo Gravatar says:

    664:

    See Lizka~ It is always, always about how YOU feel and if you FEEL amazing (because you know that you are) and allow THOSE feelings to shine through..you will be, always, the prize.

    And most important of all, you will be the prize to yourself, first and foremost. As it should be.

    Add to your daily affirmations “I will always honor and take care of myself”.

    Every day, it requires work and care and attention to keep yourself focused on your good feelings. Every single second sometimes because things do come up that cause us to feel bad…most of the time, it is NV’s and other peoples stuff that we have no control over and shouldn’t. It’s their stuff.

    Stay out of their heads and in yours as much as you can.

    Nicely done, girl…nicely done.

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 8:01am

  672. 672: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    I just can’t stop smiling :)

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 8:03am

  673. 673: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Lilibee -

    Oh yeah I definitely feels so powerful!!

    I’m not thinking of him at all and I’m just feeling like “gna gna gna” because this d*mmy should have made plans in advance because right now I’m just spying another guy’s Facebook and feeling excited about it and I don’t feel sad AT ALL not to see him tonight.

    Hehe AMAAAAZING feeling!!

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 8:05am

  674. 674: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Lizka,

    So happy for you! Glad you are gaining strength and skill as a Siren!!

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 8:06am

  675. 675: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you Lilybelly! :)

    My god I feel so excited and yes I know it’s like the 10th time I say I feel excited!!

    Did I say I feel excited??

    Well I DO!!!

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 8:07am

  676. 676: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks Brenda :)

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 8:08am

  677. 677: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    I feel just so happy that I just want to stay in bed and smile at my crazy good siren attitude and how cool I am and how fabulous P1-2-3 must think I am…

    I would do that all day I think :)

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 8:11am

  678. 678: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    I ended up texting Ryan back and forth almost all day yesterday after giving him my end-it speech. It is hard to gauge him remotely, because he shares very little verbally. I think most of it is too personal to share here. To sum it up, it became apparent to me that he has deep wounding and insecurity. Of course he didn’t say that verbally. It just came out when he was so quick to attack me, etc.

    I feel pretty raw, because it was hurtful, and he kicked some of my unhealed wounds which was off the charts painful. To the point where I’m kind of numbing it out right now. Or else I’ve found more healing and strength than I realize. Not sure which.

    I feel very mistrustful of him. I feel relieved that I walked away, because I know it was the right thing to do. My boy protected my girl by doing that, even tho my girl feels sad.

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 8:12am

  679. 679: MochaberriNo Gravatar says:

    @Brenda #666 – Thanks!!!

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 8:12am

  680. 680: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    What’s the female term for a “chick magnet”?

    That’s what Lizka is.

    Playing Jeopardy game show here. lol.

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 8:13am

  681. 681: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Lili…

    “Dude magnet?”

    Lol but my friends use to say I’m a Russian magnet…

    When I go to a place, if there’s only ONE Russian in the place, he will come to me almost for sure! lol

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 8:15am

  682. 682: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Ok,

    Dudes&Russians-magnet-and-mafia-princess-siren-Lizka is off to the corner store to buy some bacon.

    I need some fat and some electrolyte (I have stock of Gatorade at home) to heal that hangover…

    I’ll be back in a few minutes!! :)

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 8:19am

  683. 683: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    Lizka, wonderful news! I feel so happy for you

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 8:21am

  684. 684: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you Memulo!

    Haha look at me I’m still in bed just smiling and not moving!

    I’m such a lazy siren lying on my rock and just feeling the sun on my skin and enjoying how fabulous I am…

    Awww I love me!

    I definitely worth a flower delivery at work this week :)

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 8:25am

  685. 685: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    I feel not very happy with myself.. wondering if I should have answered his txt last night.

    And I’m questioning if I should answer his next call. It is nice that he called me last night, given he ‘s not feeling well, was really busy with his son’s birthday, getting ready for the early flight, etc. but in the VM he said: I’m going to sleep soon, will call you tomorrow, don’t call me. and later texted: getting more sick, to which I replied.

    I mean – he did not ask how I AM. Time to shift the focus to me, but what’s the best way to do it??

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 8:26am

  686. 686: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Memulo, I think what you did is great. He called you AND texted you. It’s totally fine that you sent a little text back. :)

    Don’t worry! xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

    Ok I’m going now. BRB!

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 8:29am

  687. 687: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    #656/657 Luzydel

    Oh sooo true.

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 9:01am

  688. 688: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    #656 Lizka

    GO SIREN!! He won’t know what’s hit him lol!! Woohooo this is exciting!! Can’t wait to hear more. :D

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 9:04am

  689. 689: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    #653 Lizka

    Sorry wrong post number.

    I am practising Brenda’s way with 2 screens open. :)

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 9:05am

  690. 690: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    681:

    Dr. Oz says vitamin C is the best cure for hangovers.
    He said that on his New Year’s special show.
    It definitely works!
    I take 1 Ester-C vitamin at dinner before I drink, then the next morning w a big glass of orange juice.
    =no dehydration, no headaches, no drowsiness…I did that 3 times and no hangover symptom whatsoever, not even when waking up in the morning.

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 9:08am

  691. 691: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Silver Moonbeam -

    Just keep reading, you’ll have aaaaall the details!

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 9:10am

  692. 692: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Lili -

    I’ve been doing Bacon&Gatorade since I read the book “Soutien-gorge rose et veston noir”. Have you read it?

    I don’t think it really works but it’s just so fun to do so every time I drink, I have this little routine in the morning!

    I’m not actually THAT hangover. I slept 3 hours, I think after a few more hours nap I’ll be totally in shape!! :)

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 9:15am

  693. 693: LilybellyNo Gravatar says:

    689:

    Really? Do you take one with a glass of water when you get home from being out also? And then in the morning again?

    I do like having me some adult beverages. ;-)

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 9:16am

  694. 694: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Uh oh… I think I’m gonna have pressure from ATW about seeing me tonight…

    He already came back to me and asked where I was in my day…

    I feel scared that he’s gonna push to see me if I say I’m just relaxing.

    Noooooo I don’t want to feel pressured! I’m still a little weak and I can not say not 10 times in a row!!!!

    How do I deal with that?

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 9:18am

  695. 695: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    Wow Lizka I am in awe of your Sireny
    Siren-ness!!!!!! FAB posts. :D

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 9:18am

  696. 696: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you Silver Moonbeam!

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 9:22am

  697. 697: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    I felt a twinge of loneliness, sadness and feeling sorry for myself at supper time yesterday…

    That’s when D would call and come over or we’d go out to eat at the restaurant or would be invited to someone’s house for dinner :(

    I’ve done so much processing and sunk into my feelings so deeply since what happened 3 weeks ago, that I feel like it all happened 3 “months” ago.

    He called wanting to come over to pick up his USB key last week, but he’s been staying away coz he felt that I still felt like beating him up a bit.
    Either that, or he lied about still seeing the other woman.

    Whatever, that’s his business and he’s aloud to do what he wants w his life.
    And I feel fine.
    Today, I don’t feel any less valuable bc of what happened.
    I realize that the relationship did not evolve the way I wanted it to from the start, and I wasn’t confident enough back then to stand up for myself.

    The sadness I felt yesterday only lasted about 2 hours, and it didn’t feel as deep as it used to nor as I expected it to.
    It actually felt shallow, just my bruised ego.

    Apart from those 2 “not so bad” hours, my weekend felt great.
    I felt good in my own company, taking care of me again.

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 9:23am

  698. 698: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    #677 Brenda

    So this is where you start turning your focus back onto YOU, taking care of YOU, looking after YOU.

    I have been practising this lately myself and like Lillybelly says in #670 (to Lizka) but also to all of us on this island.

    ” It is always, always about how YOU feel and if you FEEL amazing (because you know that you are) and allow THOSE feelings to shine through..you will be, always, the prize.

    “And most important of all, you will be the prize to yourself, first and foremost. As it should be.

    Add to your daily affirmations “I will always honor and take care of myself”.

    Every day, it requires work and care and attention to keep yourself focused on your good feelings. Every single second sometimes because things do come up that cause us to feel bad…most of the time, it is NV’s and other peoples stuff that we have no control over and shouldn’t. It’s their stuff.

    Stay out of their heads and in yours as much as you can. “

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 9:23am

  699. 699: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Ahhhh noooooo!!

    He’s SOOO trying to manipulate me!!!!

    After asking where I was at in my day, I didn’t answer because I feel so afraid…

    And now he’s texting me “I have the car today…”

    This means he wants to take me out of the city… :(

    I would have love to go somewhere with him…

    I have to stick to the NO plan…

    What do I do?!?!? HEEEEELP!!!!

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 9:25am

  700. 700: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    I did ask earlier but maybe nobody saw – can anybody remember Rosa’s tool and which way to look left or right? I wish FW was here she finds things in a flash LOL!!

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 9:28am

  701. 701: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    #698 Lizka

    Don’t answer until you have got some great advise off the Sirens, you don’t have to answer straight away because you are really busy right now right?

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 9:29am

  702. 702: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Ok, can I say “awww it would feel so good to go somewhere with you but I still haven’t really sleep and I feel really tired and a little hangover so I’m gonna stick for my plan for today”

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 9:31am

  703. 703: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    #696 LB

    Wow only 3 weeks ago? You have done amazingly well and have come such a long way.

    I bet D is wondering why he is not getting the reaction from you he is used to…….

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 9:31am

  704. 704: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Sh*t I feel a little sad to miss an opportunity to go somewhere with him with the car.

    We both don’t have a car and our dates are always in the city…

    So when we were a couple, when one of us could have a car (most of the time our parents car), it was party time and we had great romantic dates in the country…

    I feel so sad saying no just because he didn’t made plans in advance…

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 9:33am

  705. 705: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Can I not stick to my NO just for this time because he is proposing an exciting plan and send him a big feeling message about plans in advance in the future?

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 9:34am

  706. 706: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    I’m really panicking right now…

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 9:36am

  707. 707: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Stick to the NO or not?!?!

    What to do??

    I’ll go smoke my last cig and think of it…

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 9:38am

  708. 708: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    I know that the answer is no…

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 9:40am

  709. 709: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Pffff he haven’t contact me in 3 days and Im feeling bad for saying no?!

    I’ll text him no again and I’ll go back to dreaming of the sexy Leo Dicaprio I met last night…

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 9:42am

  710. 710: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    693:

    Lizka,

    Our cell phones can be such a leash sometimes.

    He can wait, you don’t have to answer all his txts immediately. Afterall, you are busy doing your stuff like you told him you would.
    He has made You wait plenty of times, so let him wait.

    I don’t know what else to say. I honestly don’t know what else I would do in your shoes, except keep him waiting before I reply to him.
    He gets you jumping up every time he snaps his fingers.
    I don’t mean that condicendingly. You must feel my resentment in that last sentence…it’s from my own experience of the same situation w D.
    I felt downgraded when D used to keep me waiting for a few days, then call at the last minute to see me and I would always be available for him.
    I felt like a “bouche-trou”.

    I would feel so proud of you and happy for you if you didn’t cave in and go opposite of your FM about him making plans to see you.

    I feel resentful that he doesn’t call you and make any plans in advance to be w you on Fridays or Saturdays, then he calls you on Sunday to see you thaaat same evening coz he’s got nothing better booked on Sundays.
    He needs to snap out of that same boring routine.
    At least now he knows you go out and have fun on your own and have fun, you’re not sitting home waiting for him.
    I don’t feel he desserves you being available for him on Sundays.

    But speaking here through my own filters, my own resentment of receiving that same treatment from D.

    I care for you Lizka and want to see you get better treatment for yourself.
    I don’t mean dump him, but demand the best from him and stand for what you want: Him making plans at least 24 hours ahead.

    If you’re not ready for that, you could just keep him waiting until the last minute to accept seeing him tonight.

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 9:45am

  711. 711: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    leaning back blows. I feel like i’m creepy obsessed with CF but I continue in leaning back. I’ve CD’d all damn weekend but he’s all I care about. He and I have a date tomorrow night. stupid leaning back. I actually called him on Friday night because something “reminded me of him” and after me rejecting his verbal words of love the night before by getting off the phone, I wanted to do something “positive.”

    When I called him, he kept asking if everything was okay, if something was wrong (like why did I *really* call?), which has clued me into him being afraid of me being unhappy all the time. He is losing trust in my emotions because i get overly triggered, even when he’s trying to help. This feels sad. Rori says we can turn things around on a dime and I believe…but gosh this situation feels so raw and vulnerable and like my heart is going to end up totally broken.

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 9:51am

  712. 712: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you Lili. I feel really happy and touched that you care for me…

    I did it, I said no to him for the second time of the day!

    I wrote “awww it would feel so good to go somewhere with you but I still haven’t really sleep and I feel really tired and a little hangover so I’m gonna stick for my plan for today”

    I feel so proud to be that strong and so I feel really powerful.

    But oooofffffff that was hard to do!!!

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 9:57am

  713. 713: maliNo Gravatar says:

    Lizka: Has there been any contact since he said he had the car?

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 9:58am

  714. 714: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    He just said “Well okidoki”

    Should I add “I know there’s gonna be other occasions” ? Or is that overfunctionning?

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 9:59am

  715. 715: maliNo Gravatar says:

    oooh YAY Lizka!! :D

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 9:59am

  716. 716: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    In other news, I *did* renew my commitment to my sireny self, and I’ve been dating a whole lot. I also am just trying to switch things up and feel fresh with CF, as it’s been like 7 months for us now. This is a great outlet for my boy energy — From now on I will always dress cute and feminine for my dates, and it’s time to start painting my nails up all girly again.

    also, it’s time to start showing a lot more leg.

    I hate feeling this afraid of losing someone. I am going to try dating like crazy for the rest of the month, as a start. I will not abandon myself.

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 9:59am

  717. 717: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    no don’t add anything Lizka. You did great!!

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 10:01am

  718. 718: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    SM,

    RE: #697 – Thanks for the reminder to take care of myself. I need to. I think I gained 5 lbs this past week in my efforts to not contact Ryan. My pants had been starting to feel loose. Now they are starting to feel tight.

    Off the rollercoaster I go. Time for a relaxing merry-go-round ride, Circular Dating, LOL! :lol:

    Where’s SLV? SLV! I miss you!

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 10:01am

  719. 719: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Mali -

    He texted me earlier this morning and suggested watching a movie together tonight. I said no and send a FM about plans in advance…

    And he came back to me 4 hours later with the car plan…

    He’s very insisting… That’s weird. How can he disappear for 3 days and than be so insistent??

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 10:03am

  720. 720: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    710:

    (((Starla))),

    I don’t want to “stear” you, but food for thought and feeling:

    I’ve been following your posts, and when I look at your big picture, I get the sense that you want a stronger man emotionally, or that you wish he was stronger masculine energy.
    Can you accept his “weak” parts?

    Cd’ing will help you figure this out, especially if you come accross a stronger and more confident man.

    That’s what got me off “D crack”, talking w a more mature confident man.

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 10:03am

  721. 721: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    710 Part 2:

    I felt I let myself down bc I wasn’t strong enough to make D feel safe w me.
    Now that I know what it feels like to talk to a stronger more confident man, maybe D was just not the man for me.
    What if I accepted that I was not the strong woman to make him feel safe? What if I accepted that it was who I was and I was OK for it?
    What if I accepted not having been strong for him?
    What if I accepted he was not strong enough for me?
    What if I really want a stronger man?
    What if the stronger man is who is good for me?

    I feel that cd’ing is helping me figure that out.

    Just food for thought.

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 10:09am

  722. 722: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    I feel so afraid of adding nothing to the conversation…

    I’m so scared that he’s gonna think I’m not interested… I know him and I know if he feels I’m not interested he’s not gonne insist more…

    He was in love with me for 5 months before we started dating last year and he just acted like a friend because I was not showing interest…

    I really think that if I say nothing he’s gonna think I’m out of the game (I am not saying game in the sense of “playing”…) and will stop being interested in me…

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 10:11am

  723. 723: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    711:

    Oh Lizka, that FM feels faaaabulous to read!

    That FM looks like a woman that loves herself and takes good care of herself 1st and foremost!

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 10:14am

  724. 724: LilybellyNo Gravatar says:

    Lizka~

    I agree with Lilibee. I would stick to the no plan in the most Siren-y, happy, warm and open way possible. I would not respond right away until I came up with a non-blaming (NO talking about not hearing from him or last minute plan making) but something lovely and goddess-y..

    You have already told him that you feel best with advance plans and you absolutely have to stick with that boundary now because you put it out there. He won’t take you seriously if you give in to YOUR boundary surrounding this and this IS about you, not him…I’m hoping.

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 10:15am

  725. 725: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Hmmm Lili, I know your post was directed to Starla but it makes me think…

    What if ATW is not strong enough for me…? I’m not sure he is…

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 10:16am

  726. 726: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    Lizka,

    “awww it would feel so good to go somewhere with you”,
    is showing enough interest in my book.

    It’s up to him to book you at least 24 hours in advance next time.

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 10:18am

  727. 727: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Lilybelly -

    Thank you. I sticked to my plan and I said no for the second time of the day :) hehe I’m getting good at it!!

    I want to think of a feeling message to close the conversation. I don’t feel comfortable of leaving it there…

    I think I will say “But I feel hopeful that there is gonna be more occasions”

    What do you all think?

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 10:19am

  728. 728: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    724:

    Well, sticking to your boundaries and leaning back will show you what his strength level is if he steps up or not.
    It will show you what he really wants from you.

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 10:20am

  729. 729: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    726:

    That feels overfunctioning to me. Like going fishing for it.
    It’s up to him to decide if he wants to create another occasion by making plans 24 hours ahead.
    That would make you feel a heck of alot better for you if it came from him, than having to fish for another occasion.

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 10:26am

  730. 730: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    It’s not *just* a matter of these guys not being strong/masculine enough, which is basically the norm these days). it’s that we are *also* not leaning back and we’re over functioning. I feel interested in focusing on my own femininity and authentically expressing it, and less on where he’s falling short as a man. That is an extremely masculine observation to make anyway.

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 10:28am

  731. 731: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    I heard of a new free dating site:

    GirlsDateForFree.com.

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 10:28am

  732. 732: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    You’re right Lili,

    I’m staying where I am and not sending another message.

    Maybe just a smiley face… It’s warm and open… no? And it’s not fishing or controlling the outcome…

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 10:30am

  733. 733: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Lizka, he is the man; he ends the conversation. He just did.

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 10:30am

  734. 734: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Ok ok no smiley :)

    I’m leaning back………….

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 10:35am

  735. 735: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    I just cooked myself delicious breakfastand now I’m taking myself for a massage at the spa after a goddessy shower and then luxuriate getting ready for my CD with George Washington tonight. then i’m going to come home and tend to my goddess lair and make my house feel really nice and fresh and peaceful.

    i love me:)

    btw I woke up crying and angry and missing CF, and nearly called him at 5:30 in the morning! but i sooo didn’t! Can’t believe I used to be unable to not resist the urge/need to do that with men lolll! love to me and breaking the pattern.

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 10:38am

  736. 736: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    **unable to resist

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 10:40am

  737. 737: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    I’m breaking patterns too and I love it.

    What I did today (saying no TWICE!) is something amazing for me. A giant step.

    I love me :)

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 10:40am

  738. 738: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Lizka, i feel way impressed!! :)

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 10:43am

  739. 739: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Ok I’m done focusing on this story…

    I’m back to my fantasy of the new sexy guy I met last night… :)

    And might go for a little nap too…

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 10:43am

  740. 740: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you Starla :)

    I’ll be ready for when the right one comes… ;)

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 10:48am

  741. 741: Rori RayeNo Gravatar says:

    amethyst – I’m turning my answer to you into a post – basically I say: amethyst -The process is made of of many different elements – all of them spread through all my programs – and the combo to think about is this: CDing has nothing to do with dating – to really learn the therapeutic value of it and how to do it – it’s Targeting Mr. Right, and everything you can read about it here. This is about you getting your “boy” energy out there and making a difference in the world, feeling valuable in ways that have nothing to do with a man, and taking care of your inner girl. The second part is how you relate to your man – and that changes from your inside, and is helped by what you do and say on your outside. The answer lies in not BEING angry – or at least experiencing a shift in perspective where your anger is just one of MANY feelings and experiences you feel – and you start asking yourself – where is this coming from? Where am I coming from? Anger is directly proportionate to the amount of energy you put out toward a man. Love, Rori

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 11:08am

  742. 742: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    I was trying to fall asleep just right now and I realised that meeting these 3 hoy guys yesterday made me realise that I can have so much better than ATW…

    Hmmmmm we’ll see if he steps up…

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 11:12am

  743. 743: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    3 HOT guys… Noymt hoy… Hehe

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 11:13am

  744. 744: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    awwww while i was in the shower, CF called and left me an amazing message about how wonderful and beautiful I am.

    why is this not enough for me?

    I may be overreacting to his withdrawal while he gets moved.

    It’s entirely likely that he’ll start picking up the pace when he feels settled again.

    this is go with the flow february.

    and if he doesn’t pick up the pace with visits to me, I’ll be okay because I won’t have abandoned myself.

    so glad I didn’t call him at 5:30 this morning crying and angry lolololol

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 11:47am

  745. 745: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    one more thing before my massage — i feel VERY appreciative that he never asked me to help him move or clean his old place. :):):):):):) never even brought it up.

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 12:05pm

  746. 746: JillyNo Gravatar says:

    Lizka…yay! I feel good hearing that you stuck to your boundaries with ATW :)

    and 3 potentials!! :)

    this next part is me just expressing…

    it feels soooo tempting sometimes to want to “help” them make sure they know we are interested lol…yes…I so feel this…

    after military man… and me feeling so “into” him right off the bat..then barely a week later with POF guy…I realized that if I just give it time there will always be another one…I thought…”look how hung up on military man I was..and now it’s a totally different guy”

    some of this has to do with me…I don’t feel like I abandon myself but I feel super expressive and don’t dampen my feelings…

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 12:05pm

  747. 747: Silver-Tongued SirenNo Gravatar says:

    Turquoise- I agree with FW in 597.

    Also esp “Talking about things will bring it to the forefront so he can decide what he wants to do and if he wants to give you that. I see it as a babystep nudging things a bit forward.
    I believe it was great that you were able to see his family in that light. I feel happy about the change in his sister and believe this is a topic you can speak to him about. He might see you in place of her during the discussion. I amhoping he felt the good vibes between you and them that will start a longing to have his family truly back together again.”
    I feel like FW always fully expresses the things I’m THINKING or FEELING and forget to say…lol…. But I am getting there….
    I do know what you mean about that you HAVE been hugging infront of his family and now suddenly he didn’t… Now that you’ve mentioned it to him, I think you should let it blow over …I am not sure if this is just me feeling “triggered” by my own relationship or not, but a lot of times when I put the focus here on something like this, it makes him uncomfortable, pressured, angry.. Even though it’s something small.. so I am learning to sometimes let it blow over and express my appreciation and good fm for things I DO like. Even things he hasn’t done, like in your example – if he didn’t hug me at the family gathering, I wouldn’t necessarily mention it too soon, too close to the event – but later on when that was further from mind.. “I really feel good that you hug me infront of family”.. or if there is any other way you feel good withhim infront of his family, mention that….etc.. not sure if I’m explaining very well.

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 12:05pm

  748. 748: Silver-Tongued SirenNo Gravatar says:

    Ella 603
    I do find it suprising that he just stopped doing it as soon as I mentioned (after Xmas) that I felt a bit worried about it.
    But then he has gone to great lengths to prove to me he is not an addict and that he cares and wants me to feel good and put me first.”

    these two statements sound like he does care very much. and yes, if there is anything, it WILL come out. it always does. and Trust Yourself!!! – that if anything happened with him, YOU Can Handle It.
    Try to focus on other things and let this blow over – it WILL – let him know you trust him. (I think?)…
    I know what you mean about not being sure when it seems like your intuition is telling you something. I am not sure if what you are experiencing could be the same thing as me but I have found at times in the past, I have had difficulty telling the difference between intuition and feelings at times. Sometimes when we feel very strongly about something, emotions can get in the way of clear intuition – OR, more frequently, I AM experiencing intuition that *something* is off, I just can’t put my finger on WHAT it is. So maybe your intuition IS telling you something is off. But maybe it’s not that. Maybe it’s his nervousness about you not trusting him. Maybe it’s… something else entirely. Or maybe it’s not intuition at all. Only you will know with time and observation.
    I agree with sharing a short FM with him about how you feel. Think it’s a good idea to check the vibe first andd not jump right in. PS a man with a full stomach is always good to talk to ;)…lol ….Let us know how it goes!

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 12:06pm

  749. 749: Silver-Tongued SirenNo Gravatar says:

    653 Lizka
    I said NO to ATW to see him tonight because he didn’t made plans with me in advance.
    I’m such a goddesssssssssss!!””””

    yesss. When I have to do things like this I remind myself …
    that MILW LIKES it when I’m mean. (even though it feels like being “mean” to me, I am sure it does not to him… well mostly sure, hence my hesitation still… :) Yes he likes it when I’m mean. lol…

    Lizka 663 – your conversation sounds good! Sounds like you got his attention!

    “In this new “prize” position, you get to find out what he really wants from you, if he steps up or if he doesn’t.
    That must feel powerful”….
    yesssss! You DID it Lizka!! Keep on!

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 12:06pm

  750. 750: Silver-Tongued SirenNo Gravatar says:

    677 Brenda –
    sounds intense. You are stronger, I can tell from what you write now compared to what you’ve written in the past you have gained a LOT of strength. You are doing well. Stay strong.. I feel you are in a VERY good place here.

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 12:07pm

  751. 751: Silver-Tongued SirenNo Gravatar says:

    677 Brenda –
    sounds intense. You are stronger, I can tell from what you write now compared to what you’ve written in the past you have gained a LOT of strength. You are doing well. Stay strong.. I feel you are in a VERY good place here.

    Starla -YES – glad you did not call him at 5:30 in the morning- now you get a nice message from him! Maybe HE was thinking of YOU this morning :D

    Lizka! You did so well sticking to your boundaries and staying open and warm!!!!

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 12:13pm

  752. 752: JillyNo Gravatar says:

    Awww…Starla..yay…

    I feel happy that you shared focusing on your femininity and expressing it…

    that’s how I feel…I want to focus on that too…

    I feel super feminine and girly, open and vulnerable and expressive..

    I felt great with Rugby Man last night…

    he took care of all the plans…
    he treats me exactly how I love :)

    but his job has called him away for ONE MONTH…and he said he was dreading telling me and said he still wants to keep dating but he wants to know how I feel..

    I was sitting in the truck and I literally let myself sink into the chair and I expressed…”I feel sad”

    HIM: me too, I didn’t expect this…I was supposed to have more time…

    and I didn’t drive the conversation or anything

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 12:16pm

  753. 753: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    730:

    Starla,

    Ooooh, I see what you mean. hmmm.

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 12:18pm

  754. 754: JillyNo Gravatar says:

    For the rest of the day…

    I’m making myself a yummy lunch…
    Going to take some time getting ready…
    Do some writing…

    Focus on me and feeling good about me and my life…

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 12:19pm

  755. 755: JillyNo Gravatar says:

    Something I just want to mention…

    So with Rugby Man…we met through friends and the process of getting to know each other is so much more different than ONLINE…

    meaning with online the questions that are asked are to the point..

    1. What are you looking for?
    2. Do you want kids?
    3. What’s your longest relationship? why didn’t it work out?

    Anyway…Rugby Man and I don’t talk about any of that stuff…it’s like we are just enjoying each other and not interviewing…feels refreshing…

    has anyone else noticed this?

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 12:23pm

  756. 756: TiffanyNo Gravatar says:

    Starla #744 – yay! That sounds so sweet. Sounds like he likes you a lot! And he may not want to push things too fast – he may not want to lose you, either.

    I so identify with a lot of the things you said in #17, though. Fear that he may leave you. Fear that you don’t want to have a “phone only” relationship (although, I gotta say, once a week is pretty good, and keeping in touch by phone in the mean time is great! He IS keeping you guys connected!). confused, unsafe, playing games, withdrawing…

    Yeah, I hear you, girl. that all sounds sooo familiar to me.

    Boundaries are good. I like the idea of living my boundaries, too….

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 12:48pm

  757. 757: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    RE 755 Yep Jilly. Also some flake out because when they ask if I have anything to ask I sometimes don’t because I don’t want it to feel like an interview, especially after they have already asked me a slew of questions or told me everything they think I would be interested in. That’s the reason why I l prefer to do things like bowling, movie or go to a place where we can watch tv while eating rather than just going for a drink or romantic dinner.

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 12:55pm

  758. 758: LuzydelNo Gravatar says:

    755: Jilly

    Yes I notice; Online dating is “express” Dating; right away not time wasting, it seems like a negotiation.
    It is like we all get in a rush, perhaps we count the emails and text messages as a way of knowing, so the first meeting seem like “the Next Step”.

    In old fashion dating, there is no rush, and I feel men work a bit harder to impress you. I wont be doing online dating for a few months, That means I may not have a lot of dates maybe none for a while. I feel good about that.

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 12:59pm

  759. 759: sunshineNo Gravatar says:

    Silver tongued siren thanks for your response…to be honest however Evan states no normal good guy would wait and be patient but move to the next girl i mean I know i wouldn’t wait for a guy to make up his mind about me….does anyone here know of any examples of a good man who has allowed a woman he has feelings for date other men as well? and then marry her with out wanting her to be his girlfriend first? trust me I would want this to be the truth but feel doubtful are there any real life examples of this?

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 1:11pm

  760. 760: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Strla- In Reconnect Rori specifically says when we lean forward like that the man wonders why we are calling and that it is about chasing them so we can’t even deny it is chasing. She says it feels needy and icky to them.

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 1:13pm

  761. 761: TiffanyNo Gravatar says:

    Had a bit of a confusing night last night…(warning – this post might be long! lol)

    Last night I had a date with “NewScientist.” (like the magazine!). I am finally giving my new CD a name – now that we’ve been on like 5 dates. “new” because he’s still new to me, and, well, he’s a scientist. So a little bit absent-minded sometimes. lol. And he always has a funny cowlick in his hair.

    He’s actually a bit shorter than I am. But he doesn’t seem to mind, and it’s kinda sweet when he leans in like he wants to put his head on my shoulder.

    He took me to a really nice restaurant last night for our surrogate Valentine’s date – and he did all the planning and everything. Which was great, because I totally leaned back on that one. I said it would feel better if he did all the planning, and then I just DIDN’T plan. Even when he wasn’t stepping up to do anything. I just let him know that if he didn’t want do Saturday, then we could do a different day. And then he got himself in gear! He even “asked me out” lol (i.e. he asked me if I’d like to “hang out” for dinner.) I don’t think he knows very much about dating….lol

    so I was a little disappointed that he didn’t get dressed up or “bring me” anything. Not that I really expected it. But he didn’t seem apologetic at all that we’d missed our date on Valentine’s. He apologized over email, saying that was just the nature of his work. And he said he would “make it up to me.” But I’m not sure what he meant by that….

    Anyway, I did bring him a little something. There’s this Indian treat that I make really well, and so I surprised him by bringing him a couple that I’d just made (I made the batch for myself, so I had extras). It was really nothing, but he liked them, and that made me feel good.

    We were then walking down the street and we passed by this sex shop that was open. Now, this is not a seedy place. It’s actually a very classy sex shop, that’s all about education and whatnot. It’s well-lit, and just basically a normal store – with lots of vibrators and strap-ons, etc. he actually pulled me in to look around. tehee! And then he kept asking me if I wanted anything. :-) I felt so overwhelmed, I didn’t know what to get. He bought a few condoms (“for the future,” he said), and I chose a mini gift-bag, with some fun things in it.

    When I got home, it was actually super fun to open it up and find out what was inside – including a mini-vibrator! hehee! :)

    Anyway, he had invited me to his house, and I actually kind of wanted to go. So we were walking up the street, but it was a really long walk. So he tried to hail a taxi, but they were all full. Then we went to go catch a bus, but one passed, and we were waiting, and suddenly it hit me that I was VERY tired. I stopped and leaned my head on a mail box, and just kind of “melted” right there. And then he started kissing me.

    We were having some very nice kissing, and it was all good. But I was thinking to myself that I shouldn’t get too into it, and maybe I should go home after all. Then he started sucking on my tongue. And then sucking HARDER. And I could feel his teeth. And it HURT. And I tried to say “stop” – but just try and say “stop” while someone else is biting your entire tongue. It’s not happening. I think he thought my noises were pleasure, and he sucked even more. OMG, it hurt so bad! So I made more noise, and finally, I actually just tapped his face lightly with my hand. WOW. My tongue was tingling and sore, and there were tears coming to my eyes, it hurt so much. At that point, I KNEW i needed to go home, so I just said that, and stepped past him and started walking.

    He followed me and asked what was wrong. Wow, my tongue hurt. I just said, “ow.”

    But eventually, I faced him, and I told him what happened. I said that I felt scared and trapped, like I couldn’t get away. THEN he finally understood. He had thought that I liked it!

    So then he walked me back to the train, and bought me a cold juice drink along the way, to help my mouth. It did help me a lot.

    Man, though. I am a bad decision-maker when I am tired. And I think the whole day, and dinner, and the sex shop, and walking – it all made me so exhausted. I couldn’t even think straight. I had to sit down for a bit, and I just leaned on him and rested. I almost let him take me home to his place then, but I think I am glad that I did not. I have a wedding to go to today, and I’m also glad that he’s not pushing for sex to happen too soon.

    In fact, even though he invited me to his place, he also back-tracked a little bit and said that it might be “too soon for us.” So that made me feel a little relieved. I guess guys feel pressure, too. And it felt nice to know that, even though I did kind of want a sexy night of whatever, I also had the option to go home and NOT have that – and not feel bad.

    I wish the thing had not happened with the kissing. It made me afraid that he might hurt me if I DID ever end up having sex with him. But this morning I feel better (despite the bruise on my tongue:p). So I feel like, maybe I could give him another chance, if he wanted to see me again. I like this taking-it-slow thing. I am so used to guys wanting sex the minute they see me. It’s kind of refreshing to be with a guy who would rather wait, and maybe have it be special (I added that last part). That feels like a pretty nice thought, actually :)

    So he texted last night and apologized. That was super sweet of him. I actually feel pretty bad for the guy. It must feel awful to be in his position – having hurt me, but not being able to do much about it. Of course, it felt awful to be in my position also. lol. But I thanked him for the good stuff – and I really meant it when I said I liked the gift that he bought me!

    I guess I really did get a good Valentine’s Day gift after all…. :)

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 1:13pm

  762. 762: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    Awww I feel sad and ignored that not one person commented on my biggest post ever lol!!

    Yay to me, I will be good and I will be OK because I am learning to be “selfish” and love myself above all others. :D

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 1:30pm

  763. 763: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    I have had a super sireny love me day today, ate well, drank LOTS of water, slathered myself in ff yogurt (thanks Dominique) then put on Bio-Oil (not so good when it gets in your eyes) did my laundry, cleaned up, cooked some dishes ahead of time, went on dating sites, forums, etc. Had another little me time if you know what I mean ;) Kept doing my positive affirmations all day.

    I have lost 7lb in the past 2 weeks, so I am feeling a lot better plus the shift in my vibe is making me feel good.

    My life is probably very boring in contrast to some other Sirens lives but c’est la vie……..it is what it is…….

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 1:36pm

  764. 764: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    Silver Moonbeam,

    I have only just read your post, and I thought “Wow, that’s a long one!”
    I really enjoyed reading about you and your sister. Thank you for sharing that. And I hope you both get lucky with some great dates soon.
    :)

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 1:36pm

  765. 765: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    TRIED to watch Whitney’s funeral on youtube but got WAY triggered and far too emotional so turned it off. I have vowed to go to a Gospel church of some kind very soon, must be one around here. I sooo get into the groove listening to that kind of music….

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 1:38pm

  766. 766: JillyNo Gravatar says:

    Silver Moonbeam!! :) yay…I can totally feel your vibe change through your post :)

    you sound alive and happy and girly!!

    I love that you shared you had a little me time lol…It feels great that we can share like that here!!

    and your sister sounds like a siren…

    keep us updated with the online thing..it really is great practice :)

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 1:49pm

  767. 767: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you April Rose and Jilly, I feel heard. :)

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 1:54pm

  768. 768: JillyNo Gravatar says:

    FW…it’s interesting this online dating…and it had been SO long since I had met someone organically…and I really prefer to be doing something too on dates…it creates a relationship instead of “talking” about it…and that’s how men bond right?

    Luzydel…I am definitely liking getting to know Rugby Man this way…keep following your feel good…sounds like you are doing a great job with that :) and @ post 562…yes I agree…it’s about loving US..loved it!!

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 1:56pm

  769. 769: JillyNo Gravatar says:

    Silver Moonbeam..I also appreciate when you post “notes from the universe” I receive them in my email but I love reading them here too when you post :)

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 1:58pm

  770. 770: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you Jilly and STS for commenting about my boundaries with ATW

    Yes I feel very proud of myself, and getting siren’s approval feels even better!!

    Thank you to you alllllllll!!!

    I just woke from a long nap… No acceptance from my friend request sent to the hot-sexy-fake-dicaprio on Facebook yet…

    I feel sooooo impatient!!!

    What if I dreamed all this intense connexion?

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 1:59pm

  771. 771: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    Lizka STOP!!

    That is just your NV’s and monkey/mice at work!!

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 2:02pm

  772. 772: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Silver Moonbean 763 -

    Yay!! Your day sounds fun! And I feel so happy for you about your weight lost! Must be a self esteem booster, no?

    :)

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 2:06pm

  773. 773: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Lol SM in 771 -

    It was a little bit serious / a little bit a joke.

    I’m not feeling worried that much. I’m just very impatient :)

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 2:08pm

  774. 774: JillyNo Gravatar says:

    Wow…Tiffany :) sounds like quite the night :)

    So you still feel open to this CD?

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 2:18pm

  775. 775: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Tiffany 761 -

    Your post made me smile. It must feel awful to get hurt while kissing. I have a little hard time to picture it!

    And I totally understand your confusion now.

    I feel super impressed that you could tell the guy he hurt you! I think I would just have run away and be so traumatised and never call him again.

    I think you are a very nice girl and very strong to consider giving him a second chance! :)

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 2:23pm

  776. 776: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    755 Yes Jilly I know exactly what you are saying. I feel pressured to stick with my answers i put on the sites when I say I do or dont want kids…
    or blah blah blah about whatever…
    also I know I kind of compartmentalize what I read about the guy too…I make judgments….just from what I read on the dating site about him.

    This is very different from how I feel about a potential new CD that is friends of a friend of the family. I don’t know that much about him but it’skind of nice because I dont start making all these asumptions right away.

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 2:25pm

  777. 777: JillyNo Gravatar says:

    Emerson…yes..

    it definitely leaves more of a mystery too :) I like that…

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 2:36pm

  778. 778: FlowerChild77No Gravatar says:

    SMB…I just got home awhile ago and it’s taken me till now to catch up on all the posts. Your post really inspires me to seriously continue my “health awareness.”

    I quit using flavored coffee creamer and half-and-half in my coffee (lots o’ sugar and saturated fat) and also soda.

    I drink oolong tea in the morning (with stevia) and just drink water during the day. I sure do CRAVE a nice cold Pepsi or Coke every now and then :-/

    It feels good to know that other Sirens are working on the some of the same things.

    I’m feeling ‘pressure’ from guy-i’m-with about moving back there. I feel resistant to it right now. I feel like there is lots of time and that I’m not done with this part of my life just yet. It feels kind of selfish. So reading your post about making a new commitment to love yourself first—-is just what I need to read!

    Can you tell me more about Dr. Wayne Dyer and the “I want to feel good” mantra?

    I don’t remember if the STOP SIGN tool is to look right or left. Here is Rori’s post about the Rosa’s Stop Sign Tool from January 20, 2011.

    http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/heal-your-heart/a-great-tool-from-rosa-the-stop-sign/

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 2:38pm

  779. 779: FlowerChild77No Gravatar says:

    Lizka…I really like your haircut :-) Glad to hear you had fun last night and that you can take the focus off of AWT and lean back and just enjoy!

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 2:40pm

  780. 780: JillyNo Gravatar says:

    I’m going to go catch up on grey’s and private practice…

    and then Rugby Man is picking me so we can spend the evening together before he leaves…

    Seriously though…I always seem to date the men who have these crazy jobs…I changed my whole lifestyle so I could be around…and then I meet Rugby man who is basically doing what I used to do…except for the pilot part lol

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 2:40pm

  781. 781: FlowerChild77No Gravatar says:

    Ella..I really admire how you are dealing with your fears about MWC. You are absolutely correct. IF there is something you will find out.

    I understand your concern about what your family may think and I’m sure that would feel way better if you knew for sure, for sure—that you could absolutely back him up saying it’s “not from doing coke.”

    I love the photo you posted. You look very pretty in that picture. Sexy outfit, too! ;-)

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 2:47pm

  782. 782: TiffanyNo Gravatar says:

    Silver Moonbeam – haven’t read your long post yet (but I can commiserate, since my posts are very long! lol). I liked what you wrote in #763, though! :)

    xoxo

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 2:55pm

  783. 783: TiffanyNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks for the responses, ladies!

    I definitely did want to just “run away” and not talk to him – and that’s what I started off doing. And then he followed me…And I felt so weird and “off.” But I talked to him anyway. I’d like to give it some time before I see him again.

    But he’s the kind of guy I don’t feel immensely attracted to, and I don’t feel a lot of “chemistry.” So it seems like good practice. And also, I have to fight the urge to “lean forward” with him.

    I kinda did this morning – I texted a response to another message he sent me last night (which I didn’t respond to, because I was so tired.) And then I sent an apology for the awkwardness. Which, I don’t know if that was really necessary. I don’t feel too great about that. But I donno. We’ll see!

    Now, off to a wedding! Toodloo! :)

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 3:02pm

  784. 784: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    760 FW, i think gave you the wrong impression about his reaction to my calling him. it made his night to hear from me, definitely no ickiness there. just showers of compliments from him:) the thing is…i never call first *unless* I’m upset or need something. That is why he was asking me if everything is okay. Once he realized I really did just call because this thing that happened to me while I was cooking reminded me of him, the whole vibe shifted up big time. it was very interesting.

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 3:04pm

  785. 785: Aurora GirlNo Gravatar says:

    Hello Chickies….

    catching up on the posts also……

    Jilly I hope you have fun with your Rugby man before he goes…..

    Starla thank you for the “have fun” with my guy’s visit the last few days…..

    I have to come up with some FM to express that I don’t want to spend all our time during the day running errands!!! Because he is from a small town, the city I live in is full of places to shop and do business he cannot do in his home town…so we ended up doing a lot of his errands for his vehicle and some renos he is doing…..and shopping for a lap top ……oh by day three I was bored and tired…….

    I have to figure out whether I should mention it to him on the phone before his next time here in a few days or wait until we are planning the day in the moment and just say “I feel tired and run out of steam doing errands all day. I ‘d feel comfortable if you managed them on your own while I do (such and such) and then we can meet up later….. or maybe pick one day to do your errands and do something fun on the other day (I do book it off work btw)…what do you think…..blah blah etc.”….

    if any of you Sirens have had this experience I’d love to hear how you’ve approached it…..

    hope everyone is doing ok….
    xo
    Aurora

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 3:12pm

  786. 786: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    my massage was super nice and then I went to the specialty market and got myself Orangina and cake. Now I’m going to get ready for coffee with George Washington CD. I wish I hadn’t planned this date but it will probably be fun!

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 3:13pm

  787. 787: River GirlNo Gravatar says:

    Hi AG!
    you said
    “I have to figure out whether I should mention it to him on the phone before his next time here in a few days or wait until we are planning the day in the moment and just say “I feel tired and run out of steam doing errands all day. I ‘d feel comfortable if you managed them on your own while I do (such and such) and then we can meet up later….. or maybe pick one day to do your errands and do something fun on the other day (I do book it off work btw)…what do you think…..blah blah etc.”….”

    I’ll be really quick coz I’m about to head off with some friends to see our horse run. Fingers crossed!!

    My thoughts would be to wait until he is planning next trip to mention it, to do so beforehand, might come out as blaming (for a less than enjoyable errand run last time), or controlling (what you do or don’t want next time). Could be he is planning a couple of days devoted to you and could take the shine off it if you try to preempt. Best to just mention it if it comes up.

    Ok, off now. Giddy up!!

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 3:28pm

  788. 788: Aurora GirlNo Gravatar says:

    River Girl
    ok thanks…….it keeps it in the moment……it keeps the blaming out of it…….

    I am still trying to balance and “controlling it ” part…..how to say what I prefer without directing it or doing the planning……

    Have fun at the horse run…..race?
    xo

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 3:37pm

  789. 789: JillyNo Gravatar says:

    Aurora Girl…I agree with River Girl…wait until next time and mention it would feel good to meet up after he does errands or something to that effect :) or just spend one day with him running errands and plan a day to just spend it together…

    I guess Rugby Man’s family is getting together for dinner and we were invited…

    He asked told me that I was invited by his family but that if I didn’t want to go he was ok with that…I realize he was giving me an out…

    but I asked “Well..do you want me to go?”

    ewwwwww….I wish I had not said that..lol

    I am loving myself for not being perfect and always saying the perfect thing..

    I wish I would have just accepted the invitation as it was…

    oh jeez….it’s funny how I can catch myself saying things and then I think “ewww” lol why did I say that? I love that about me! :) and I love that I can love that :)

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 3:49pm

  790. 790: Aurora GirlNo Gravatar says:

    Jilly
    i hope you enjoy yourself…..

    lol I hear you re the “ewww why did I say that”……we always get another opportunity to try again until it feels right…..yay!

    xo
    Aurora

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 4:16pm

  791. 791: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    It’s so quiet on the island tonight…

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 4:29pm

  792. 792: Aurora GirlNo Gravatar says:

    HI Lizka
    yes it’s quiet…..that’s ok……tomorrow is a holiday here……maybe people are away for the weekend…or just reading….

    how was your Siren weekend?
    xo

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 4:32pm

  793. 793: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    I had an amazing weekend. Friday I received this invitation on Facebook about a famous russian Dj playing in a club in my city so I went and met a lot of my friends there and flirted and was super sireny and have 3 new potential CD including one who is just tooooo hot! :)

    I almost forgot about ATW… ;)

    How was yours?

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 4:41pm

  794. 794: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    It’s Holiday in Ontario?

    Not here :(

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 4:41pm

  795. 795: Aurora GirlNo Gravatar says:

    yes it’s Family Day….a new holiday started a couple years ago. Saskatchewan and Alberta also mark it. It’s also President’s Day in the US….and…as if that’s not enought…the Easter Season starts on Wednesday….it’s Ash Wednesday..which means Easter is in early April….wow the days are moving along!

    My weekend was kinda Sireny….my guy was here (he’s a long distance relationship of 6 months) for several days….he had to return this morning to his home town to work but will be back at the end of the week.

    It was a kinda down to earth time……like I mentioned above…errands to run….parenting issues to deal with …his and mine. We both have 17/18 year old sons…….it is a challenging time with them……his lives away…..mine lives with me……trying to have a relationship with someone amidst trying to make good parenting decisions….oh it can be challenging…..

    I try to be “the girl” ….the “siren”……as much as I can…..

    sometimes…to be honest…I like when my guy heads away for a few days…. I need the time to regroup…..I need the space…..maybe that’s why I can tolerate the long distance……

    wonder if any other sirens feel this way….nice to have the relationship….nice to have the space to one’s self….

    xo
    Aurora

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 4:51pm

  796. 796: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    AG –

    You can read it on posts 663 & 664 :)

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 4:52pm

  797. 797: Aurora GirlNo Gravatar says:

    wow Lizka…. I did catch up on those posts….and you are…..

    SMOKIN’!!! lol

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 5:02pm

  798. 798: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    Silver Moonbeam,

    I did read your long post.
    I didn’t say anything bc I got sidetracked by other posts.

    I feel so good to read that you’re facing your fears.
    You’re having your breakthrough and I feel the wind of change for you.
    It inspired to me to face my own fears.

    I had opened a profile on eharmony at the end of last summer, but never posted a photo.
    I have received only 3 matches since then.

    After reading your post, I went and uploaded 2 photos on my profile.
    I need to pay to subscribe to see the photos of my matches.
    I’ll check my budget before I do.

    I like that site bc it seems pretty serious w the personality profile questionnaire.

    I’ll checkout some free sites too.

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 5:04pm

  799. 799: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Yaaaay Aurora!! Thank you :)

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 5:06pm

  800. 800: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    I’m in a procrastination mood right now.

    I did all my laundry and my cleaning yesterday. But today has been a lazy day for me.

    The only things I did was watch a couple of movies, made a healthy breakfast, healthy dinner.

    Oh and I went out to get some colourful construction paper and glue for my wishboard.

    I’m procrastinating at paying my bills and doing my budget.
    I feel so blahhh to do that.
    I have to push myself to do it.
    But I’ll feel so good and at peace once I do it.

    I’ve been eating chocolate for about 5 days now.
    Geee pms is long this month…or maybe I’m just stuffing emotions?

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 5:10pm

  801. 801: FlowerChild77No Gravatar says:

    I don’t know if it’s true, but I’ve read that chocolate has some ingredient that acts like the hormones that are activated when we’re in love.

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 5:35pm

  802. 802: Aurora GirlNo Gravatar says:

    Silver Moon Beam

    Susan Jeffers has another book about dealing with fear in relationships and shares her stories about dating middle age….Feel the Fear guide to Lasting Love…she talks about dating again and how to stop running from a man who could very well be mister right.

    I was 45 when I tried on line dating…after many matches I met at least 2-3 guys that I dated…..but I got serious too fast and the most serious one ended after 7months….he moved on to someone else who lived closer to him…I was so anxious for a month I lost a ton of weight, etc……and swore not againb

    then when I was 47 I tried again on POF…again met a couple men…but kept it lighter, better boundaries……then after 8 months let a couple go……

    back on my own…

    then when I was almost 49 I said I would try again……I just couldn’t fathom spending another summer without having some kind of fun….so I kept it light…knew a little more about the dating sites…and felt more confident and picky picky picky…..and picked up some of Rori’s material to try a new angle….and it felt better and was better and is better….

    I still CD a few of my guy friends…..but have a 6 month LD that’s more along the lines of what I wanted…it’s still Long Distance but it works for now…we will see what happens…

    All that to say…I’m with ya chickie….

    sending you good vibes~~~***~~~
    xo
    Aurora

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 6:05pm

  803. 803: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    :) my coffee CD went good. i felt very entertained with the conversation and he was @ total gentleman.

    Interestingly, he did the same thing CF tends to do that has always challenged me, which is not have driving directions or checking the business hours. so I got great GO WITH THE FLOW practice when BOTH his date ideas fell through. and kept my rowing to a minimum.

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 6:35pm

  804. 804: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    my train date with Kenya was also pretty good the other night. conversation felt entertaining and he speaks several languages:) he is the most aggressive of all my CDs right now.

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 6:40pm

  805. 805: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Now that I think of it, I am feeling pretty angry at ATW…

    Who does he think I am? Not calling me for 3 days and than call me last minute and insist to see me even if I told him I need to relax???

    Yeah dude you had a good weekend partying with your friends and now on Sunday everyone is relaxing so you call the stupid Lizka because you know she has nothing better to do??

    Pffff ATW can go back to poof mode for now if he wants. I am no more gonna accept that.

    I am really feeling mad and disrespected. If he wants to see me again, he seriously gonna have to step up big time this time.

    Wow I feel strong and powerful.

    May it stay like this please Universe.

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 6:43pm

  806. 806: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    But I’m feeling like a Goddess at the same time.

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 6:48pm

  807. 807: Butterfly wingsNo Gravatar says:

    SM – I’m liking what I read in your long post. Positive internal changes happening for you there! And how wonderful that you can now share that with your sister!! :)

    Lizka – You’re sounding great too. And silly ATW for waiting so long to contact you! Doesn’t he realise how much of a goddess you are??? xx

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 7:43pm

  808. 808: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    805:

    I’m so happy for you Lizka.
    You’ve discovered your selfworth.

    D treated me the exact same way. It’s no fun feeling like a “bouche-trou”.

    Oh wait! You no longer feel like the “bouche-trou”, you’re feeling godessy now! Woohoo! :)

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 7:43pm

  809. 809: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    I put up a profile on Match.
    There are many interesting men on there.
    There’s one veeerrry interesting one right in my neighbourhood.
    But I won’t wink at him, he’ll have to find me and come to me 1st.
    Leaning back like a good siren.
    I feel good about my picture.

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 7:46pm

  810. 810: Butterfly wingsNo Gravatar says:

    And it’s official everyone – he’s updated his relationship status on FB! Ok I know it’s just FB, but I know how hard this would have been, to literally announce to all of his friends and family that he’s in a relationship. He’s soooo private and this would’ve been hard!

    Comments and Likes have been coming through all day too!

    I’m a happy girl! :)

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 7:47pm

  811. 811: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Sirens,

    I was feeling kinda sad because C was going home tonight, instead of staying til tomorrow like I thought. MY NV’s were telling me that he doesn’t want to spend time with me, something has changed… but then I thought, so what? So what if he goes home tonight. The old me would have pleaded, or tried to talk him into staying. Instead, I agreed with him. He said he has a ton of work to catch up on, less traffic at night and it’s obvious he’s still not feeling great. I said I was confused, he’d talked about taking the girls skiing Monday, but wanted me to pick them up early, and I said I couldn’t because I have to work, so when he said they’d go SUnday instead, I assumed he’d still be here til Monday. But ok, if that was what he thought was best, and I agreed, would be good to miss traffic.

    CV (our oldest) still wasn’t feeling great, so instead of going skiing he suggested a movie. I wasn’t sure if I was included or not, so when they were getting ready to leave and the girls were dragging, I said, ok I will see you later! And CM (youngest) said, “Oh, I thought you were coming too?” I didn’t say anything and he immediately said, “Yes she’s coming. She’s just saying that because you are taking forever.” “I said, ok, guess I’m coming too.” He said, “Well, if you don’t want to come just stay here then.” (a little moody) I said, “I’d love to come, but I wasn’t sure I was invited and didn’t want to assume anything.” He said, “Of course you are.”

    We went and had lunch, then saw a movie and did some shopping. While we were on the way home CV totally threw me under the bus telling him I am always on her laptop. ( I was cringing waiting for her to mention the blog) He asked why I was using her laptop instead of the new desktop and I told him it’s reallly cold in the office because the desk is blocking the heating vent. So, he said he’d look at it before he left. This desk is a monster, corner unit with a hutch on top. We ended up moving it and I rearranged and organized the whole room after he left. It looks FABULOUS! I love it. It looks so much better this way. I walked him down to the garage and he put his stuff in the car and came back to give me a big hug. He started to let go before I did, and then squeezed me again really tight. I didn’t ask when he’d be back. Just said goodbye and said to have a safe trip. I felt sad seeing him leave, wishing we’d had a chance to talk, I felt like maybe we should start talking about what we’re feeling, intentions, etc. but timing wise, it just didn’t work out, and it’s definitely a conversation I want to have in person, as he HATES talking on the phone.

    Then, he called me twice after he left, was friendlier than he had been, asked about my family…. and told me not to wait to tell him what needs done at the house. I said I feel bad, and am worried he won’t want to come home if I’m always making him do chores. I know that isn’t fun or relaxing. He said that he really likes getting stuff done at the house and it makes him feel good to do things for me and the girls. SO, he said to make a list, and he doesn’t want me waiting to tell him anything I need done. THat felt nice. He even asked if the office was warming up, was worried about us being cold. While we were moving the desk I also mentioned that as it’s the only room in the house without an overhead light, I need to get a floor lamp. It’s just not bright enough for a room to do homework in. He said if he’d realized, he would have gotten us a lamp today. I told the universe I wanted presents….lol. Guess I need to be more specific. BUT, I love that he wants to get us what we need.

    So, no sex, no intimate moments… no romance this weekend, but a good opportunity to practice some tools. I know he has to be surprised how I handled the stuff with his family, that I didn’t try to change his mind or make him feel bad about not staying longer. I didn’t ask when he’d be back. I was very thankful and reminded the girls to thank him for everything. He really likes being thanked.

    One other thing that did happen earlier today that made me think, was when we were moving some stuff around in the garage, he commented again that there is too much stuff, I need to get it organized and stack it all up or get rid of stuff. He did admit that there is less of it, he sees me making progress. I told him I was holding onto stuff, thinking I could make about $500 in a yard sale, so I didn’t want to just pack it all away, as it needs organized and sorted, etc. But, then I shared my plan for the garage and where I wanted the shelves to go. He said, well. the garage is deep enough, just put all the shelves can go in the back and then you could fit two cars in here. It was only a second or two I swear, but I just looked at him, and he said… You know, in case you get another car. Ummmm… I’m the only one old enough to drive here. Not going to keep my minivan when I get a new car. Like I said last night, I don’t want to disect every little thing he says… but that did make me stop and think a little.

    I have told myself and my sisters many many times, that I don’t feel a great relationship will show up in my life until I’ve dealt with all my crap. I’m getting my finances in better shape, I’m losing weight, and I’ve gotten rid of a lof of my clutter. But all three of those things that I really don’t like about myself, still need work.

    So, I made a decision tonight that I’m not waiting to have a yard sale. I’m going to donate at least have of the stuff that is out in the garage and make room in there for another car. I’m going to sell the bigger ticket items on craigslist or ebay, maybe save a few boxes of the really nice children’s clothes toys, and books for the community sale…. but most of it is going now. It’s going to be cleaned and organized within 3 weeks. Even if I sold it all… MAYBE I’d make $500. I could make $500 worth of candy to sell in a day, and it enjoy it so much more. I can go meet with that caterer, and book a few weddings/events. I can make $500 many different ways, without needing to hold on to STUFF, that makes me feel bad, just to try and sell it. Heck, every time I give stuff away, the universe responds and something wonderful happens.

    So, I feel SO GOOD, Free, clear…. having this project, a timeline… a goal. YEAH ME! My ex is a bit of a neat freak too… so I know he’ll notice and be glad to see that I’ve let that stuff go, as it was a problem, even when we were married. Another benefit of me clearing out and cleaning out, I’m so busy, I don’t mindlessly snack in front of the TV, so it will help me lose weight too!

    I’m not expecting my ex to be back for a couple weeks, not sure if any CD’s will pop up, so I am going to CD myself, my family and my friends. Friday I’m having the surprise party for CV, and invited the moms and my sisters to come over too. We’ll have wine and food and the girls will all play and do makeovers, sing, etc.

    Saturday night we’ll be at my moms for a girls night, making homemade noodles :) and Sunday, I’ll be working in my garage and delivering cookies. Tom wants to come get his cookies next weekend, but I don’t know when. I’m kinda busy, so he’ll have to work around me.

    I do have a lot I want to get done at the house before Friday. So, every night this week I’ll be busy here. But that feels so good! Basically, I really just want to go through the girls clothes and toys to find stuff to sell online and donate, and I need to organize my furnace room/wet bar area of the gameroom. It’s where I”m storing holiday decorations, and I have too much, it’s all over the place down at that end of the gameroom… so I’ll need at least a couple hours to do that. Friday after work, I’ll get the food.

    It feels good to have a plan for the week. :)

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 8:33pm

  812. 812: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Oh, and I wouldn’t be worried about going through the girls stuff this week, except I’ve already been working on it… and we need to get rid of clothes and toys so their rooms can be nice and neat. THey just have too much stuff that they don’t use, and it’s hard to keep it organized.

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 8:42pm

  813. 813: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    STS,

    RE: #751 – “677 Brenda –
    sounds intense. You are stronger, I can tell from what you write now compared to what you’ve written in the past you have gained a LOT of strength. You are doing well. Stay strong.. I feel you are in a VERY good place here.”

    Yes! I am stronger! Thanks to Rori and the Sirens! You all are awesome! You have helped me so much! You have my deepest gratitude!

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 8:45pm

  814. 814: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Lizka!

    Whew, you are getting strong! You sound really good! A prize with fringe! LOL! :-)

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 8:54pm

  815. 815: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Lizka, you sound awesome girly!!!!! Wooohoooo!!!! A leo dicaprio look alike? Yum! I am sooo impressed you told ATW no. This would have been the third time you changed your plans to take care of you, to be with him. I bet he starts stepping up. I really do!

    Starla, you sound better sweetie! I’m glad you are ok.

    Silver Moonbeam, I am so glad to hear that you are facing your fears of trying online dating and seeing what happens! That is wonderful about the 7 pounds!!!

    STS, thank you, I would have loved to get your hug! :)
    I ah….. took care of myself in the oxitocin department and felt much better! lol.

    Aurora Girl, nice to see you!!!

    Butterfly wings, that is a big deal. He’s announcing to the world that you are important to him! :) Yeah!!!!

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 9:00pm

  816. 816: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Tiffany, not much worse than bad kissing! I’m so glad you were able to tell him how you felt. Aww….. I’m glad you are ok. Hope this wedding had better dessert than the last one :)

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 9:01pm

  817. 817: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Wedding? Dessert? Two of my favorite words, LOL!

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 9:26pm

  818. 818: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    :) Brenda, me too! You do sound good… I know it sucks, but you are doing the right thing walking away.

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 9:28pm

  819. 819: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Today was a day of healing! I texted Ryan a tiny bit more, and it ended with him being cooperative, not cold and defensive, as he was yesterday. He said he needs me to leave him alone while he works on his healing. We crossed an abyss. I lovingly confronted him yesterday with stuff that I never dared to voice. It was tuff communication but I feel really good about how I handled it.

    Now I can truly focus on my own life. No Ryan for a while.

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 9:33pm

  820. 820: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    T,

    818 – Yes, I feel solid about it. Thanks!

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 9:40pm

  821. 821: StarbrightNo Gravatar says:

    What does “no Ryan for awhile” mean? Do you see this as permanent or that you will test the waters once again?

    I’m doing a walk away right now. Not so easy. But doesn’t seem to work for me to be around him. I keep wanting more and he wants to keep me around but not give me what I want. It’s too painful. I keep going to a place of wanting more.

    When I tell him I’m walking away he just ends up continuing to come after me. Now, he thinks I’m just mad at him. When he thinks I”m mad he will disappear for awhile waiting for me to cool off. I need that kind of time to try to strengthen myself and get off the oxytocin.

    I am interested in how Patricia Allen says it takes 8 weeks and sometimes up to 2 years to get that out of our systems. I’m thinking that for me he is a guy I need to stay away from. I care too much for him and the cding doesn’t do enough. I stay too tied to the guy I most want. Overall it has been a great four days! I’m getting myself prepared to cd and get my vibe way up and get flirty and have fun.

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 9:42pm

  822. 822: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    #772 Lizka

    Yes I feel so much better now I am back on track with the weight loss, it’s my weigh in day today and yay me, I have lost another 2lb – so that’s 9lb in 3 weeks and I feel pretty good about it!!! :D

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 10:01pm

  823. 823: StarbrightNo Gravatar says:

    Silver Moonbeam,

    Congratulations on the weight loss! And, also moving more into cding! That’s great!

    I am on a zumba marathon (too bad Ella doesn’t teach in my area!) Going for four or five workouts a week for 30 days. I”m hoping that right there will really affect my overall vibe. Last night I was dancing in my kitchen while cleaning up. Fun!

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 10:07pm

  824. 824: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    #778 Flowerchild

    Dyer: The most profound and important thing a person can do to erase fear and access the power of intention is repeating these five key words: I want to feel good! This is the same thing as saying, I want to be in harmony with the source of well-being.

    I posted a link quite a few blogs back, here it is:

    http://www.drwaynedyer.com/articles/seven-secrets-of-a-joyful-lifeT

    Thank you for the link to Rosa’s stop tool, I will check it out when I am caught up on the blog, thankfully not too much behind today, sometimes when I am asleep I get up in the morning to HUNDREDS of posts lol!

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 10:14pm

  825. 825: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    #782 Tiffany

    It was my longest post ever, no wonder people didn’t read it lol! :D

    I was having a whiney brat moment but I am well over that now, I WANT TO FEEL GOOD. :)

    It was watching the WH funeral on youtube that set me off. :(

    Yes even at my age we women are capable of being spoilt brats lol!! :D

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 10:43pm

  826. 826: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    p.s. Tiffany

    I read your post about the tongue biting and I did not like the man doing that one little bit it felt horrible.

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 10:45pm

  827. 827: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    #798 LiliBee

    Oh no worries, I am over my bratty moment. :D

    BTW YOU were another who inspired me to get off my bum and get out there, you Sirens are sooo special and I never fail to learn something every day here.

    For instance look at what happened with D just 3 weeks ago, and here you are activating your profile on a dating site, I so hope you meet a lovely man, you deserve it.

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 10:52pm

  828. 828: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    whoa, my second ever highschool boyfriend who is a relationship with kids was FBing me and now said “ill always remember you”

    oh i feel kinda saddd…

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 10:53pm

  829. 829: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    ‘lost love’ missing out on what coulda been
    short connection and then its over

    still triggers me to feel sad and cry

    ohhhhh

    i feel sad

    i remember him and our time together an d i feel ad now that its different and that i cant be gorever close to everyone i felt forever close to and maybe i can and i dont see it

    but this always breaks my heart and im gonna cry now

    ill always remember him too, he ate my pussy for hours with ice and hennessy i remember that day on the floor in the dining room

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 10:56pm

  830. 830: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    #802 Aurora Girl

    Thanks I’m with you too!!

    I am actually OK now so don’t need the book but I thank you, I don’t know what has shifted but something has!

    Mind you I haven’t got an actual date yet have I lol!! 2 young ‘uns on POF and young, short Mr Antonio Banderas on Smooch lol!!

    I will update you all so you can hold my hand through all this. :)

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 10:58pm

  831. 831: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    #805/6 Lizka

    That is a HUGE shift for you in just about a week!! Well done Super Siren. :)

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 10:59pm

  832. 832: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    #807 BW

    Thank you.

    I don’t know what’s happened but I like it.

    And you know what? I like ME too. :)

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 11:10pm

  833. 833: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    #808 LiliBee or any other French speakers

    I like the word bouche-trou, though I thought bouche was mouth, but it’s many years since I did French at school.

    It says it means stopgap online does that mean the same as FWB?

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 11:14pm

  834. 834: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    Re the leaning back online as LiliBee was just saying she was not going to wink at anybody and I don’t want to do that either.

    At the moment I have my settings so nobody can see if I read their profile, if I changed that setting so they could, would that be the modern equivalent of dropping your handkerchief?

    I know we’ve had this discussion a long time ago but I don’t remember the verdict……..

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 11:17pm

  835. 835: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    #811 Turq

    YAY your post is longer than mine I think lol!!

    I bet C as he is driving home is wondering what is happening with the new Siren you. :)

    I sooooo hope you guys get back together, I’m a sucker for happy endings especially where kids are involved.

    Keep up the good work, the Universe IS listening. :)

    Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 11:35pm</