Is My Partner Cheating on Me? 7 Red Flags

Here’s a great guest post from Dr. Sheri Meyers, my Monthly Interview for September – She’s all about how to prevent and deal with “cheating” – and she’s so hip to social media and how that makes things hard – you’re going to love this and want to read more from her:
by Dr. Sheri Meyers

There’s something a little “off” in the way your partner has been acting lately. You’re starting to wonder if they’re cheating on you.

There are some clues, but you’re not sure if they mean what you suspect they mean.

They’re spending less time at home, have become a sudden workaholic, are taking their phone calls in private or aren’t sharing as much about their day with you as they used to.

When you question them about why they’re being so secretive and distant, they snap back at you, usually with a logical explanation. “I’ve got a special project at work.

Or they accuse you of snooping, being paranoid or not trusting enough. They make you feel guilty for even bringing it up.

When your partner is having a cyber, emotional or sexual affair, sometimes the most subtle clues can be big red flags that signal a destructive secret is hiding underneath the surface.

While it may be obvious from some of their behavior that they’re hiding something, some changes aren’t so obvious. Perhaps they give you an odd glance or there’s something cold in their eyes that doesn’t quite feel right to you. When you ask what’s wrong, you may get a shrug or a defensive, “Nothing! Get off my back already.”

You may start to wonder if you’re going crazy or just being paranoid for no reason.

Here’s what I know from my professional experience as a relationship therapist: If you’re suspecting that your partner may be hiding something, if a sinking feeling in your gut is telling you “something’s off,” then it’s absolutely time to pay attention. Your intuition is sounding an alarm.

Here’s a quick checklist of cheating red flags from my book, Chatting or Cheating: How to Detect Infidelity, Rebuild Love, and Affair-Proof Your Relationship that can help you determine if the subtle (or not-so-subtle) shifts in your partner’s behavior may be signs that they’re cheating:

Red Flag #1 They’re suddenly more aloof, withdrawn or want more “space.”
Overall, you’re noticing less intimacy, sharing, talking and self-disclosures going on. Your partner may seem zoned out, lost in thought or less available to you.

They talk in terms of “me” or “I” instead of “we” or “us,” as in “The next time I go on vacation, I want to go to Hawaii.” And when you lay your concerns on the table, your partner calls you jealous or says you’re imagining things. They might even say you’re “smothering them.”

Red Flag #2 They’ve lost interest in you, your problems and sex. When you bring up a problem, your partner tells you it’s no big deal or tells you that their problems are worse.

They’re not as emotionally supportive.

Even when they’re home, you feel a lonely void between you, like there’s no one with whom to share your thoughts or feelings.

There’s less affection and passion. When you suggest making time to connect you get back “Not now babe” or “Maybe later.

Even if you are still having regular sex, it may seem like they’re performing a chore rather than making love.

Red Flag #3 They get easily annoyed, defensive or argumentative. When an affair (be it cyber, emotional or physical) has begun, the cheater may want to sugar-coat their guilt and justify the affair. Making you the bad guy helps them feel better.

That’s why a cheating partner may try to find ways to blame you for their indiscretions. They start fights, pick on you, push every button you’ve got and may even accuse you of cheating. Cheaters are good at transferring the guilt onto you — don’t buy into it.

Red Flag #4 They’re not immediately available when you call, text or email them. Your partner is spending more and more time away from you, and they’re more difficult to reach. When you try calling on their cell phone, you get voicemail.

When you ask why they didn’t call or text you back, the answer is, “The battery died and I couldn’t use my phone.” There are endless excuses about work or other things that limit their availability for making plans with you.

Red Flag #5 They’re spending more time online or on their cell phone than with you.

If the amount of time they’re spending talking to, texting, emailing or messaging someone else is strongly impacting your time together, there is a problem brewing.

Red Flag #6 They’re acting secretive all of a sudden, especially around the computer or cell phone. Your partner has Facebook, email and social media accounts that you don’t have access to.

When you ask about their online friendships, you get short, sharp, evasive or defensive responses back. Your partner receives regular texts, emails or sexy photos from a “friend” you weren’t aware of.

Suddenly, they’re conducting mysterious calls in the other room and when you ask who called, the answer is… “No one.” “Wrong number.” “It’s business.” or “Why do you ask?”

Red Flag #7 They look, smell, and dress better, but not necessarily around you. They’ve suddenly started working out. They might have a change of clothes in the car or in a sports bag that aren’t gym clothes.

Your partner may leave the house smelling like soap and come back smelling like perfume or cologne. They may be buying new clothes or lingerie, but not wearing them for you. Someone else may be reaping the benefits of your partner’s newfound interest in looking spiffy.

Let’s face it, any of these red flags are indicators of behaviors that are suspicious and should arouse your doubts. Even if your partner is not cheating, but is keeping secrets, withdrawing, lying, being hurtful or withholding important communication of any kind, it’s clearly time to heed the red flags, take your blinders off and press on to know the truth.

Ignoring the clues won’t help the situation because denial just harbors more deceit, mistrust and greater distance between you.

Cheating happens for a variety of reasons and it usually means there’s something missing in the relationship. When you both honestly address the underlying problems and relationship vulnerabilities that may have lead to cheating, healing can begin.

With truth comes the chance to improve the current condition of your relationship. I’ve counseled numerous couples who have transformed the discovery of an affair into an opportunity to wake up, clear up the wounds of the past and learn new lessons for the future. Love and connection can be resurrected and a healthier relationship rebuilt.

There is hope.
Sheri Meyers, Psy.D is a licensed Marriage & Family Therapist in Los Angeles, CA, and author of Chatting or Cheating: How to Detect Infidelity, Rebuild Love, and Affair-Proof Your Relationship.

Connect with Dr. Sheri Online:

Twitter

https://twitter.com/DrSheriMeyers

Facebook:

https://www.facebook.com/Dr.SheriAnnMeyers

Website
www.chattingorcheating.com

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1,228 Comments to “Is My Partner Cheating on Me? 7 Red Flags”

  1. 1: CurvySiren10No Gravatar says:

    Hmm…

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 7:30am

  2. 2: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Eep

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 7:37am

  3. 3: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    I have seen a similar article about red flags

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 7:39am

  4. 4: forest sirenNo Gravatar says:

    I feel scared! My short term memory is screwed! After I posted that I had searched for the music posts and asked for them to be reposted i went and saw thati had already copied and pasted them to my notes folder. Ugh I have no recollection of doing this. Oh dear!

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 7:45am

  5. 5: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    (((((((((Forest siren)))))))

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 7:56am

  6. 6: forest sirenNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you FW!

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 8:11am

  7. 7: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:

    FW,

    How did Lilibee’s story plan out? with D? You mean what? I feel confused, I only remember about ‘neighbor lady’…

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 8:23am

  8. 8: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    feeling triggered… everything feels stormy and moving fast around me and i feel overwhelmed and sad

    mmm

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 8:27am

  9. 9: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    but EARLIER i felt so powerful and affirmed

    and i was able to walk receiving freom whats coming twoards me with my palms open forwards … at first it didnt feel natural but then as i imagined rori saying palms open to receive whats coming towards you it just happend

    and men were looking at me!

    and i quickly glanced away and then felt disappointed at me and then SWITCHED to teelling myself how GOOD im getting at receiving eye contact

    and then men started really looking at me and i felt so open and HAPPY

    and this guy was way smiling and looking at me as i was coming up i felt full of oxytocin and so happy

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 8:30am

  10. 10: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    im starting to feel that way again! :)

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 8:31am

  11. 11: MissStixNo Gravatar says:

    Oh yes…

    All but one of these red flags occured with my ex. He never put it on me…But everything else. Yes. I was very in tune and I knew almost immediately.

    At first he did not admit to cheating…He just flat out told me he was no longer in love with me. But I caught him a week later, passed out in bed with his d1ck out of his pants and his phone on his chest…So I read the texts.

    And we won’t get into that right now :p

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 8:36am

  12. 12: MissStixNo Gravatar says:

    Actually…It was really bad! I laugh about it now…I woke him up by throwing the phone at his head! omg :S

    Then I said “I’m calling my brother” (it was my bros gf) and I swear he looked like he was facing the electric chair!

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 8:39am

  13. 13: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Miss Stix I feel sorry to admit it but I find that story hilariously funny. Passed out with his di!ck out.

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 8:43am

  14. 14: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    Wow, Miss Stix!

    High drama!

    Not very nice tho’. ((((((((Miss Stix))))))))

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 8:43am

  15. 15: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:

    He has been spending a lot of time on his phone… I HATE HIM.

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 8:43am

  16. 16: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    Did you call your brother?

    What happened?

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 8:45am

  17. 17: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Miss Stix maybe I would’ve thrown something that would’ve scarred him for life.

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 8:46am

  18. 18: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    I have bought a gorgeous linen summer dress in the sale. I notice my desire to put it away ‘for best’.

    Aw, come on, April Rose. Why not wear it tomorrow and go somewhere where you can be seen?

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 8:47am

  19. 19: MissStixNo Gravatar says:

    AR-No doubt!! I actually didn’t call my brother. I locked myself in the bathroom to do it but ended up just collapsing on the floor and crying.

    FW- No worries! I laugh now too even though it was pretty raw. The universe pretty much slapped me in the face with whatever lesson it had for me!

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 8:48am

  20. 20: MissStixNo Gravatar says:

    April Rose

    In the end…My bro already knew about it. Ex told girly he told me and she webt on damage control by admitting it to him. He already knew ex told me he wasn’t in love with me anymore. Bro has since told me he wanted me to work it all out on my own. He was also fairly hurt by it. Although that girl had already moved back home about 2 weeks prior. So…He had pretty much already let her go.

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 8:52am

  21. 21: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    It tells me if there is a person willing to cheat, there is someone willing to participate. I think twice now about going down that path. Don’t want it to come back and bite me in the butt!

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 8:54am

  22. 22: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:

    I feel really triggered by this post. I feel sick to my stomach.

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 8:55am

  23. 23: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    Going into the sunshine now….

    See you lovely ladies soon.

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 8:56am

  24. 24: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:

    I apologize Sirens… I just feel so angry and upset right now. Of course, it could be nothing, but I hate this feeling. I am so not ready to see him again and i don’t know if I would even answer the phone.

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 8:58am

  25. 25: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:

    I barely recognize myself right now.

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 8:59am

  26. 26: RebeccaNo Gravatar says:

    MissStix

    Regarding what you said about Aspergersin the last thread. You may be right….

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 9:07am

  27. 27: MissStixNo Gravatar says:

    FW 21

    You got that right! There will always be somebody willing. The willing party in my situation was even at my wedding. They probably fooled around before. The “high drama” (as april called it) Took place just 2 months after the wedding.

    Hmmm it actually feels good that I can re-hash this without any pain at all. I do not know how I survived it sirens, to be totally honest. I thought of taking my life just once. But something spoke to me and said “No. There is so much more for you.” so I didn’t.

    I tried to kick him out many times but he would not leave. So I spent 2 very dark years with him. Pretending to the outside world I was a happy new wife.

    Holy sh1t. Rough. How did I do that?

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 9:07am

  28. 28: MissStixNo Gravatar says:

    Rebecca

    One of my cousins has it and the way you describe him as a bit “baffoonish” really rang a bell.

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 9:15am

  29. 29: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Im really feeling receptive today… m,mmmm, mm… mmm

    yeah ay ahay

    i am imagining making songs that are fly and that the lyrics are energy healing

    like

    a part of my being already knows

    i no longer need to believe the world doesnt love me

    ohh oohh oohhh

    and that part of my beeeingggg

    is informing all of me now

    wooo hooo hooo

    :)

    yay

    ((((((((((((Daria)))))))))))))

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 9:17am

  30. 30: MissStixNo Gravatar says:

    :D Daria :D

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 9:20am

  31. 31: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    ummm nope sorry
    cheating doesn’t exist lol

    i dunno, i still just can’t “accept” that cheating exists. feels like unicorns and easter bunnies to me.

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 9:26am

  32. 32: MissStixNo Gravatar says:

    I hear crickets…

    Thoughts:My story is too much. I scared everyone away. No, you didn’t stix! Don’t be so full of yourself *nervous giggle* people are just busy living life.

    I want to get busy! Be in the fresh air. It’s 0930. Time to boogy! Gonna go water the flowers. I love helping things grow :)

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 9:27am

  33. 33: MissStixNo Gravatar says:

    Starla

    It exists.

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 9:28am

  34. 34: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    33 – meh

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 9:36am

  35. 35: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Miss Stix have you ever checked back to see if you had any gut feeling about it before the wedding?

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 9:46am

  36. 36: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    31 Starla I was exactly like this well into my 20s I just didn’t imagine it as a reality for me but then it smacked me upside the head.
    People (men) in my family that I NEVER imagined would cheat…omg…. :-(
    I like your attitude though. I miss feeling that way. I don’t want to believe it either.

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 9:48am

  37. 37: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    35 hi fw
    Interesting question….

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 9:49am

  38. 38: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    This man in my family that cheated was the biggest goody goody perfect religious person ever…..
    I always felt a bit self conscious around his sanctity ans I felt I could never live up to his expectations or level of purity and then BAM he’s actually Tiger Woods part two

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 9:51am

  39. 39: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    I mean this guy had so many women …. The other women found out ….and they were mad they weren’t the only other woman…

    Before all the $#it hot the fan…one even went to his house and had dinner with him and his wife and kids and the wife had no idea (she’s very sheltered)

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 9:54am

  40. 40: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    I mean the poor wife cooked dinner and the whole bit for this other woman entertaining her as a guest and coworker of her husband…totally in the dark that there was an affair going on.
    Jeeeez

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 9:56am

  41. 41: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    I hate this topic. I don’t want to “affair proof” my marriage.
    I feel hopeless even tho at the end she says there is hope..

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 9:57am

  42. 42: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    Maybe I’ll come back to the blog when the next article comes out. I’m feeling triggered and dark and I don’t want to feel sad

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 9:59am

  43. 43: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    There is one easy way to know if he’s cheating and thanks spying on him with a private investigator and skip all these other steps

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 10:00am

  44. 44: bloom-ingNo Gravatar says:

    ((((((((((Emerson)))))))))))

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 10:01am

  45. 45: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    (((((((Emerson)))))))))

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 10:08am

  46. 46: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Note to self (i’ve made this note before): don’t marry a guy who consciously and willingly represses himself into extreme conservatism.

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 10:12am

  47. 47: ALANo Gravatar says:

    Hello Sirens~

    Been feeling emotional and sad for my daughter. Her husband of four years cheated on her this summer while she was away in a different city going to school. Its so difficult to see my baby being so hurt, in the most cruelest of ways.

    Interesting to see how this is bringing up unresolved issues between us. I feel she’s pushing me away when I want the most to be there for her. When I mentioned Rori she got so angry at me, saying “I dont have crazy relationships like you, mom.” Ouch, that hurts. Funny how we sometimes can see so clearly someone elses’s part but not our own. I’m still trying to figure out mine… sigh.

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 10:14am

  48. 48: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    (((((((((((ALA))))))))))))))))

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 10:15am

  49. 49: bloom-ingNo Gravatar says:

    (((((((((ALA))))))))))

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 10:16am

  50. 50: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    So I thought what can I do for myself to continue to feel great… I know I’ll take I lovely walk in the sun after work and get of the DVD happy thank you more please.
    Got all the way there to see it shut at 1pm on a thursday. Felt disappointed. Enjoyed the sun but I’m just going to find another film for tonight and try get it at the weekend.

    I love the sun so much when it shines! It makes me feel lit up! Now to have some nice food and feel relaxed.

    Happy with myself that my no expectations has continued after the kiss yesterday. Feels great to let go of control.
    This has not been an easy journey!

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 10:24am

  51. 51: ALANo Gravatar says:

    awww… Thank you, hugs feel nice. :)

    This is a sad topic. I want it to change too ((( Emerson )))

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 10:24am

  52. 52: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    So I won’t be able to buy a house if I’m buying alone but that’s okay, I’ll just get an apartment with a balcony! That feels like a good switch in my head!

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 10:25am

  53. 53: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:

    Ok… Maybe I am overthinking and imagining things that are not there. I really need to refocus and recenter on me.

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 10:26am

  54. 54: RebeccaNo Gravatar says:

    MissSticks

    Yes. He is so nice really. And generally I find his way endearing and cute. But lately I am just feeling trapped.

    He is a very sweet man. Funny, interesting. Just a bit too much and v difficult to say no too.

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 10:28am

  55. 55: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    Siren angel he may just be playing tetrus on his phone… :)

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 10:29am

  56. 56: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    46 or extreme anything not just conservative

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 10:30am

  57. 57: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:

    Smile, thank you.

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 10:32am

  58. 58: ruthNo Gravatar says:

    evening

    I am not so enamoured of this topic either

    SA, what can you do thats nice for you tonight
    xxxxxxxx

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 10:34am

  59. 59: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    it feels better to think of it as a growing apart… an emotional disconnect

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 10:36am

  60. 60: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    I dyed my hair a dark red.

    i wanted it more dark brown with a bit of red

    but oh well:D

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 10:36am

  61. 61: SenaraNo Gravatar says:

    Well, so much for my day off. I am at work now, had to replace my boss whose father-in-law just passed away.

    This screws up my whole routine but I guess I’m going to roll with it since there’s absolutely nothing I can do about it.

    Adapt and overcome.

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 10:37am

  62. 62: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    Hi senara, how do you feel about this? 

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 10:38am

  63. 63: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    Oo Starla, that feels a lovely warm colour! 

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 10:41am

  64. 64: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    im feeling excited abt moving T-tapp style after chatting with these men on Skype :) yeaahh yeahhyeay

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 10:44am

  65. 65: MissStixNo Gravatar says:

    FW

    I had some definite gut feelings before the wedding. There was so much going on, and a lot going on with me. I gave up a lot of what I wanted to please others. It is just all so swirled together that I don’t think I could detangle the whole mess of pre-wedding feelings to clarify. It would be nice if I could. I think that’s why I struggle so much with coming to terms with not wanting to get married again. I think sometimes if I could detangle it all and separate specific feelings to gain my own clarity…I would have all my answers.

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 10:46am

  66. 66: MissStixNo Gravatar says:

    But for now…I am content. I have released it all. If clarity comes to me I welcome it with an open heart. If it does not I will continue to live moment by moment.

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 10:48am

  67. 67: SenaraNo Gravatar says:

    Smile,

    A bit p*ssed because I had some cooking to do for the weekend but since I have no control over this, I’ll just be the good employee that I am and mind the fort! :)

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 10:51am

  68. 68: SenaraNo Gravatar says:

    I was cheated on once a long ago but I don’t think I have to worry about that now.

    I hope.

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 10:52am

  69. 69: MissStixNo Gravatar says:

    Senara

    I chose trust and faith. I believe as long as we live for ourselves and love ourselves we don’t have to worry about it because we will always be ok, even if the worst does happen.

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 10:55am

  70. 70: bloom-ingNo Gravatar says:

    i feel so confused about the “cheating”…. i like what Daria is saying, that it feels better to look at it as “growing” & in “separate” directions…. i feel so sad to think a man or woman would Rely on outward-looking to achieve “satisfaction” in Relationship… i feel puzzled about it & scared….. & very curious

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 10:57am

  71. 71: ruthNo Gravatar says:

    Love your vibe Miss Stix

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 10:57am

  72. 72: SenaraNo Gravatar says:

    MissStix,

    Yes, I’ve pretty much changed my whole vibe and what you just wrote is what I’m going for now.

    I don’t wish for the worse to happen (since there is no guarantee in life) but if it does, I am sure I would be sad but ready to tackle whatever challenge that would arise.

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 11:00am

  73. 73: RebeccaNo Gravatar says:

    Ohhhh group hug everone (((((sirens))))

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 11:03am

  74. 74: MissStixNo Gravatar says:

    I believe where it becomes “cheating” is when the “growing” is concealed from a person. It becomes the one person growing, in a separate direction, but holding the other person under their thumb, and stunting their growth. They are cheating someone out of the opportunity to extend themself and walk their own path.

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 11:04am

  75. 75: bloom-ingNo Gravatar says:

    aww ick. i feel so curious “why” & also “how” & i’m trying to just sit with myself. why does this bring me all apart.

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 11:10am

  76. 76: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    I’ve been cheated on and my boyfriend was fu&@ing one of my best friends (in my 20s)
    Then he felt guilty and told me all about it. I could care less about either of them now, but these things were not processed well by me back then and I started drinking a LOT and wrote people off and found a new guy to f$(k but remained detached from him like who cares?? Very immature but that’s how I coped. I was on my own with no family nearby so I didnt have guidance…

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 11:11am

  77. 77: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    hmm

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 11:14am

  78. 78: MissStixNo Gravatar says:

    My story is overwhelming me today. It feels like a giant bubble ballooning in my chest and I must exhaaaaaaaale to de-pressurize it. Surrounding it are smaller floaty bubbles filled with everyone elses stories and tethered to my own.

    Like we are all connected. Floating stories linking us all in pain and joy.

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 11:18am

  79. 79: SenaraNo Gravatar says:

    Someone can also cheat on their partner because they (the partner) takes them for granted. I’ve seen that happen once.

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 11:20am

  80. 80: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    One way of looking at this that’s very understanding of men is to see him as one in PAIN. And you relieve his pain (so long as we know that we know that he isn’t just using you as someone on the side while totally committed to and in love with his wife too.) This approach would be reminiscent (if we flip the genders on their end) of the film, The Bridges of Madison County – where a woman (instead of a man) is able to take a slice of life in the arms of another man, something she desperately needed in her “dead” marriage. When Clint Eastwood goes, so does her affair. But she has the memories, and for whatever reason, she never does leave her less-than-right for her husband.

    Maybe your guy is in this situation in reverse – playing the part of Meryl Streep. And maybe it’s all just meant to be a nice memory.

    A second way to look at it, and more stern, no less correct, is to say that he, or both of you, or he, you and his wife are all “using” the son as an EXCUSE to have it all and not have to make any hard choices. Adults can get out of marriages and still be good parents to their children. And no, they CAN leave their situations rapidly if the opportunity will be missed should they delay.

    But as time lingers on and they don’t act, both lovers can fall into habit, and realize that because the married lover does NOT leave his wife, it says something about how bought into you he is. Not a full 100%. The son then is an excuse to “keep the peace” or to stay in “homeostasis” – balance in life, even if tricky to get right.

    http://www.womenshappiness.com/questions-and-answers/the-married-man-wont-quit-yet?utm_source=getresponse&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=womenshappiness&utm_content=Q+and+A+%7C+%22The+Married+Man+Won%27t+Quit…Yet.%22

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 11:21am

  81. 81: TamNo Gravatar says:

    I have a problem thinking I am not enough for very attractive men. I once had a very attractive (model type) boyfriend in my early 20′s, he worked on me for 6 months before I would go out with him, because I just could not see myself next to him…girls were always running after him.
    I had such low self esteem, and finally agreed to go out with him..because he had a lovely character and we had lots of shared passions, like our profession, nature etc. The relationship was great..until my insecurities took over when we were not ‘joint at the hip’ aanymore as he went to another city to study for his PhD. I was imagining all these girls throwing themselves at him…and I was getting clingy with my communication…every night I did not hear from him I suspected he was cheating on me.
    In the end it was a self-fulfilling prophecy, and yes, he cheated on me (I gathered). I found out.
    We split up and I was badly hurt.
    He went on to marry this girl within a year and quickly had a family with her.
    I never spoke to him again.
    He was not for me, but he just re-affirmed my beliefs about very attractive men.
    I find it hard to trust them because they have a lot of options. It is the biggest reason why I never trusted MrP.
    I know it is my self esteem talking, but I would rather have a guy who was less attractive and who worshipped me than a guy who was really attractive and knows he has plenty of other options.

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 11:22am

  82. 82: MissStixNo Gravatar says:

    This is it…

    This is my clarity. I don’t believe in signing a contract to say “we will spend the rest of our life together. We have to now.” Because we don’t. We don’t have to. We can grow apart or collide and fly apart and that’s ok. What is this contract anyway? Is it an expression of love? Not always. Sometimes it is just the right thing at the time. Sometimes it’s just a thing that someone wants. An event. A big grand opportunity to show off. Maybe it’s a need. To feel “cemented”. Or maybe it really is an expression of sharing love. What it comes down to, for me, is I don’t need any of that anymore.

    These moments with G, or the guys I dated, or my ex

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 11:26am

  83. 83: MissStixNo Gravatar says:

    …or my ex. The happy moments of love are all I need now to feel cemented, or express my love.

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 11:27am

  84. 84: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    i like the contract:)
    I will choose very wisely

    I won’t try to persuade a man to sign it, either. He will have to persuade me, and that’s that.

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 11:27am

  85. 85: MissStixNo Gravatar says:

    But if G asked me to marry him today I would say “Yes!”. Because I could spend my life with him. I could do that. If it did not last, that’s ok too. I would do it all over again because it’s worth it to say “I am here, and I believe in us.”

    Oh wow. Tears :)

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 11:30am

  86. 86: SenaraNo Gravatar says:

    I have no intention of cheating on my man, that I’m sure of.

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 11:35am

  87. 87: SenaraNo Gravatar says:

    MissStix,

    Me too. We have agreed that marriage was not on the table but if he came to me with a wedding proposal, I would say yes.

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 11:36am

  88. 88: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    From last thread -

    Perplexed – 487 – Keep on with your full life. Keep on CDing even if this means simply dating yourself. Keep your heart open to any and all, warm and inviting.

    He will come around and step up, or he won’t.

    That he lied to you is a reddish flag, something to keep in mind if you continue to see him. If this turns out to be a pattern, then I would question if this is someone you really want as a partner.

    xxoo

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 11:36am

  89. 89: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    Another -

    Babysteps – 468 – Senara – 530 – Expectations set you up for disappointment nearly every time PLUS when you have your mind set on something, you will more than likely miss whatever is there, and it could be something really wonderful. maybe better than your expectation.

    You need to be open to it all; practice surprise and awe in all moments.

    It actually gets easier within a relationship because you first of all become closer and come to know each SO well, you know what would make the other feel good.

    Plus when you can live your life in this way, you fall into a flow. Whatever flows through is fabulous, for it either feels great or it doesn’t, but if it’s the latter, you get to learn something, so it’s still wonderful.

    xxoo

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 11:36am

  90. 90: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    And a third -

    Senara – There is no there to get to. We are all on our paths going in the directions which seem to work best for us. We all falter, make mistakes. So we get up, dust ourselves off, clean up the booboos if necessary, and carry on. Healing is a lifelong process.

    You are as much a part of this group as anyone. You are welcomed, and you are loved.

    Can you keep yourself open to it?

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 11:37am

  91. 91: SenaraNo Gravatar says:

    Dominique,

    Yes, I think I can do that. I just want to be accepted by anyone so much. I want people to like me and enjoy interacting with me.

    For so long, I stood outside of the spotlight, letting everybody take the space I was supposed to have. Now I want to step into the spotlight and let everybody see me as I am.

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 11:43am

  92. 92: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    Emerson – 41 – You don’t have to affair proof your relationship. Cheating on K’s part (or mine for that matter) just doesn’t compute in my consciousness.

    Basically, a happy man WON’T cheat.

    It’s not up to you to make him happy. It’s up to you to make YOU happy. And if he’s for you, he will happily get on board.

    He feels happy seeing you feeling happy, content. And if has had a hand in this, SO much the better, Makes for a happier him. i.e. cheating will not be a consideration, not an inkling.

    xxoo

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 11:44am

  93. 93: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    Who doesn’t feel triggered by a post about cheating?

    I feel angry and sad that cheating is an “option.”

    You might feel tempted to cheat, but you would never want someone else to cheat on you.

    Unless you wanted a way out or something, but that’s a unique circumstance, and even then, I feel sick about it…

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 11:45am

  94. 94: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    In other news, I did something that makes me feel really happy. There’s this guy who always stares at me. I’ve smiled, opened my heart, and he has even approached to be in closer proximity with me, but he NEVER would start a conversation. Not very step-up-esque, which feels kinda icky to me, but he seems nice enough, so not totally icky.

    He was just sitting down, and I saw him, and I marched right up to him and plopped down and started to talking to him.

    we talked for a while, and he seemed so happy that I approached him.

    I feel silly that I said this as I was leaving, but I said “sorry if I bothered you…”

    and his face lit up and he was like “No! You didn’t bother me.” and he looked like he was so happy he could die.

    It was cute.

    It still doesn’t feel awesome to lean forward, though.

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 11:48am

  95. 95: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    i often feel not good enough for WarriorCD. He is super good looking and I think he could do muuuch better than me, lookswise. I can tell that energetically this is a big deal for me, because when i was going to the hairdresser yesterday, he started suggesting colors that would look “hot” on me, and when i picked one he didn’t choose, he wasn’t very supportive lol.

    i don’t think he’s a controlling b*stard or anything. i sincerely believe he’s a mirror.

    he is a very energetcally on a higher level than most, as he studies martial arts and meditation, and i think he just feeds off my energy.

    soooooo

    i’m not sure what to do with all this. i’d like to grow with it. it’s a brilliant opportunity. but i’m not sure where to start.

    Dominique? Anyone?

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 11:51am

  96. 96: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    I see you Senara. :)

    Sending love.

    xxoo

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 11:53am

  97. 97: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    I feel loving and happiness towards my livingroom this evening. I feel stretched, my muscles are starting to feel relaxed. I can feel my mouth watering. A treat of red wine and a few chocolates I got as a pressi. It feels so cosy. I can feel the glow from my new candles. It feels so much brighter with my new throw. I felt sadness that I will be moving. But then I told myself I can create this feeling anywhere.

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 11:54am

  98. 98: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    It feels really difficult to drink wine whilst stretching on the sofa. Hmm a straw maybe would make it feel easier?

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 11:55am

  99. 99: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    Senara, I would feel bummed about that too!

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 11:56am

  100. 100: SenaraNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you, Dominique! :)

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 11:59am

  101. 101: Goddess LilyNo Gravatar says:

    91 Senara—I agree with you completely. I feel like I try so hard to get people to like me and want to be around me. So afraid to fail that I haven’t been letting my true self shine.

    That’s why I’m on this blog. To learn from the other sirens and get back to the being the attractive goddess I’m meant to be. Although I’m new to this site and also feel like an outsider….like I don’t know the language.

    Thank you for sharing that Senara!

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 12:02pm

  102. 102: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    I loving a snuggly atmosphere in my home. Feels like it could be winter on this lovely summer day. I love my mixed up feelings over this.

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 12:02pm

  103. 103: SenaraNo Gravatar says:

    Smile,

    I was a bit bummed when she called me because I was at the library and my phone was supposed to be turned off but I just put it on vibrate, thinking no one would call me while I was there. I only had one book in my hand and I had intended to choose at least four and take my time choosing them because I love spending time amongst books. The library is very peaceful when there are no children crying! :)

    So I had to hurry up and get another book quick, get back home, get ready and come here to replace her. I feel like my little adventure was cut short.

    I wanted to cook today and that’s what I feel most peeved at since I love cooking and it relaxes me so much.

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 12:04pm

  104. 104: SenaraNo Gravatar says:

    Goddess Lily,

    Then that makes two of us, we will learn together! :)

    Thank you!

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 12:07pm

  105. 105: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    ohhh Smile that word pressi feels so fun thank u for sharing!

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 12:10pm

  106. 106: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Iamabutterfly I have been cheated on but honestly don’t feel triggered. He ended up marrying the woman she kicked him out and he came crawling back. Last time we spoke months ago he was clear he is ready to marry me he feels certain he will not be happy in life until he gets me. His own words.

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 12:13pm

  107. 107: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i don’t feel triggered about the post about cheating!

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 12:15pm

  108. 108: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    now i feel slightly triggered that i didnt feel triggered

    im slightly triggering myself

    hmmm

    sigh

    this feels good and i feel excited to streeetch movement yum for my yummy Daria

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 12:16pm

  109. 109: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    @106 Feminine Woman – that feels so encouraging that you don’t feel triggered. It must make you feel good that he wanted you back that bad.

    It feels empowering. Like, you are the prize, and even if a fool did cheat on you, he’ll regret it for life.

    It would feel good to see myself like that, like if someone cheated on me, he’d regret it forever.

    It feels empowering when I see guys who gave up on me looking at me longingly after I’ve given up on them.

    But then part of me feels curious that if they ever got close enough to me (I used to never let them,) would they still want to look back?

    I want to believe that they would always look back. That i am the epitamy of amazing, and you’d be a fool to pass me up.

    I feel juicy just thinking about it.

    Thanks for your insight!

    It feels extremely hopeful.
    It feels fresh and sassy and vengeful…but in the good way.
    Vindicated.

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 12:20pm

  110. 110: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    Goddess lily and senara,

    I feel like that too sometimes. Mostly the language used is around the words ‘I feel’. Rori suggests getting in touch with your feelings through things like weather… Everyday stuff really. This has helped me the most. it took a while for me to feel comfortable doing this but now it feels easier. No one here is going to judge you, that’s the opposite of what goes on here. It’s also a great place to work through your triggers. 

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 12:20pm

  111. 111: SenaraNo Gravatar says:

    FW,

    Did you feel triggered at the time it happened? How did you react?

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 12:23pm

  112. 112: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    He he, Daria if you were here I’d share the ‘pressi’ with you, not just the word. These chocolates feel so yummy to be treating myself to. Not had choc in a while. 

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 12:24pm

  113. 113: Goddess LilyNo Gravatar says:

    I feel anxious while reading this topic. :-/

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 12:26pm

  114. 114: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Now that I think about it Iamabutterfly I have gotten that longing look from more a than on exes. Kinda wondering what it wouldv’e been like. I am not sure though that I like the feel of that kind of attentions.

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 12:27pm

  115. 115: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    I feel bad for sharing I don’t feel triggered about cheating either. Though I know what it’s like to feel insecure in a relationship that it consumes all your energy. My ex of ten years had so many friends who were girls. I snipped, followed him, read his phone towards the end of our relationship. He actually didn’t cheat on me… ((My insecurities))

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 12:28pm

  116. 116: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    *snooped

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 12:29pm

  117. 117: SenaraNo Gravatar says:

    I felt very triggered when it happened, especially since I wanted to break up with him the month before but he has succeeded in convincing me that he was “persistent” and would make it worthy.

    And when someone called my house asking for his new “flame”, that was the last drop. I stayed cool outside, but inside I was raging. I remember talking and talking and trying to make him tell me why this was happening after what took place the month before.

    I remember crying for a whole month. I was a mess.

    That is something I never want to experience anymore.

    I am stronger now, and I trust it won’t be that hard to let the other one go.

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 12:30pm

  118. 118: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    WarriorCD actually just triggered me again.

    i don’t like when he says things like “you don’t know about [thing he is interested in] :(” all sad cuz I am not what he wants me to be or something.

    i told him how i feel. but now i feel turned off.

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 12:30pm

  119. 119: SenaraNo Gravatar says:

    I don’t feel triggered reading about cheating today either.

    The memories of that happening are what’s triggering me.

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 12:31pm

  120. 120: ALANo Gravatar says:

    CDing still feels a little like cheating to me. D would be angry with me if he knew about my dating profile. Even before that “crazy relationship” comment I felt like deactivating it. I’m not meeting anyone I’m interested in at all. The last two CDs have commissioned me to do work for them at my business. I’ve been self-employed for over 20 years.I see how easy it is for me to be in masculine energy with men. Trying to go back and forth between the two energies is a challenge for me most of the time.

    I was a single mother by choice, being in a financial position to do so. And not recognizing my intimacy issues with men. It has had some incredible rewards, but also I wonder the impact it left on my daughter. If the story she is telling herself is that a man wont ever be there for her. She’s very masculine energy too. I see her mirroring so many of my behaviors and mannerisms.

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 12:31pm

  121. 121: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    First I was numb in disbelief, shock and denial As we were planning to get married I thought all my friends were talking about me. I was in my 20s and had started buying furniture and very in masculine energy driving things forward. Then I melted and started bawling my life out. Then a few weeks later he went into depression begging me to forgive him.

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 12:32pm

  122. 122: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:

    I feel jittery now… can’t focus today. Was a mess during a phone conference… not good.

    I realize I have been imagining every possibility that he is now pursuing this fb contact.

    This post is really not helping :-(

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 12:32pm

  123. 123: SenaraNo Gravatar says:

    Starla,

    Have you thought about taking a break from him for a while? Maybe concentrate on other CDs if you have them?

    It doesn’t feel to me that this is the right time for you to have WarriorCD in your life now.

    I feel triggered by the name WarriorCD too. Eeekkk!Sorry Starla!

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 12:33pm

  124. 124: SenaraNo Gravatar says:

    But you didn’t, right FW?

    Or did you?

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 12:34pm

  125. 125: SenaraNo Gravatar says:

    Smile, thank you! I see you! :)

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 12:35pm

  126. 126: MissStixNo Gravatar says:

    Senara and goddess lily

    I see and feel you. I am shy and nervous in real life around people I don’t know well. I am chipping away at my shell! I am so glad you are joining us! You can do it too, and we can help!

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 12:36pm

  127. 127: SenaraNo Gravatar says:

    (((Siren Angel))) I’m so sorry

    I wish I had a way to make it all better.

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 12:37pm

  128. 128: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Ultimately I was going to take him back. But my family was adamantly against it especially my brother. In a few months I was able to pack and leave for college. Today no regrets. He is in the same place in life he was back then while I done so much, traveled so much and acheived so.

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 12:39pm

  129. 129: RebeccaNo Gravatar says:

    … I do think I am attracted to Aspergers men. I’ve been triggered by this before. My last boyfriend I’m pretty sure was Aspergers. They tend to be very charming and can make you feel very, very special. But on the downsound they havr minimal social skills amd get very possessive. No good if you like to be out and about and social. I think they are very loyal though. But Ihave found them ridiculously clingy..

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 12:39pm

  130. 130: SenaraNo Gravatar says:

    Hey MissStix! :)

    I am shy too but working in a boutique really helped me open up and feel more comfortable around customers and folks in general, even the annoying ones! lol!

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 12:39pm

  131. 131: SenaraNo Gravatar says:

    That’s resilience and it even reaches far beyond that, FW. Good for you.

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 12:40pm

  132. 132: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Senara, i have other CDs. Warrior is the one who asks me out the most though. he also talks to me all day every day lol.

    hmmm

    yes maybe less of him.

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 12:41pm

  133. 133: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    Smile… Put the chocolates away before you feel sick and guilty! No your limit!

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 12:42pm

  134. 134: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    I was willing to forgive him but he was angry with the world and I felt unsafe around him. Though at the time I was willing tooverlook that.

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 12:42pm

  135. 135: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    @123 Senara – I feel fascinated by this. I don’t know if Feminine Woman “forgave” her man or not.

    but I have felt “wronged” by men before.

    Forgiving this one guy was the hardest thing I’ve ever done.

    and he wasn’t even in my life anymore.

    I think you go crazy if you don’t forgive, in the “let it go” sense of the word.

    Forgiving someone doesn’t mean that you forget, or even that you trust in exactly the same way.

    To me, it means choosing to think the best of them, realizing that they are human and make mistakes just like you do, and choosing to let go of the pain that they caused you.

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 12:43pm

  136. 136: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks Senara

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 12:44pm

  137. 137: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    FW, thank you for sharing your story tonight

    No regrets feels strong x

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 12:44pm

  138. 138: MissStixNo Gravatar says:

    Senara

    lol @ annoying customers.

    For me I took a pole dancing class…It was a lot of women I didn’t know. All different shapes and sizes, and I could tell they were nervous like me. By the end of those few weeks we were all just having a blast! I’d say that was the first crack in my shell.

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 12:45pm

  139. 139: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    *know

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 12:45pm

  140. 140: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    he reeaaally triggers me

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 12:46pm

  141. 141: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    I was fortunate enough to have the opportunity to change environments and chase my dreams. Even fantasies that I did not dream I could.

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 12:46pm

  142. 142: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    im feeeling yummmayyyy

    and i feel excited about my vision of putting t-tapp stretches, sensual dance, and chi gong all together inclued while i do my movements

    fascia softening too. and breathing.

    woooo

    i noticed if i did one of the others before my t-tapp i was able to notice how the movements were included

    and i want to blend them together

    yum

    then i want to show people and have it look all sexy while we heal thru movement

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 12:47pm

  143. 143: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    My phone is triggering me tonight. Feeling bugged that I don’t have my laptop back yet 

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 12:47pm

  144. 144: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    I love my pouting!

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 12:48pm

  145. 145: MissStixNo Gravatar says:

    I was picked on and bullied by females growing up…As a result I have drifted towards male friends. I have 2 close female friends and they are my cousins. I love how this blog has shown me I can trust female peers. It feels warm and lovely.

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 12:49pm

  146. 146: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    Yey Ruth! My friend just texed to say she’d do the park runs with me! Shorter distances are gonna feel great to start with  thanks again for the recommendation!

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 12:51pm

  147. 147: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    i just logged off my chat with Warrior.

    Thanks for the suggestion.

    A little less of him would be good.

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 12:54pm

  148. 148: SenaraNo Gravatar says:

    Iamabutterfly,

    There are a couple of people I forgave in my life but I never forgot what they did and how they did it at the time.

    My memory is very sharp for that.

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 12:55pm

  149. 149: SenaraNo Gravatar says:

    Yes MissStix,

    I hear pole dancing is good for opening up – plus, you get to be in splendid sexy shape, which is cool!

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 12:58pm

  150. 150: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    :: PREsponsive Parenting ::

    Raising a child in harmony with human nature is
    like driving to a distant city. The road isn’t
    straight, but it’ll get you there.

    For example, the road to independence as an adult
    is via dependence as a baby. Going straight to
    independence is a disaster.

    You know you’ve veered off course when the ride
    becomes suddenly rough, so you steer back to the
    smooth road. Responsive parenting is like that:
    answering a baby’s cries or a child’s aggression
    with unconditional love and nurturing.

    But when driving, you *rarely* veer off the road.
    You stay *centered* in your lane for a smooth ride!
    You stay *attuned* to the road, so you can adjust
    course BEFORE you veer off.

    In other words, you can PREspond!

    Today, if you hit a rough spot with your child,
    be REsponsive, but also consider how you might
    have PREsponded, and refine your attunement
    accordingly.

    Pleasure-oriented PREsponsiveness can turn your
    parenting journey into a JOYride! :-)

    http://dailygroove.net/presponsive

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 12:58pm

  151. 151: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Time and distance has helped me to heal. We even had a do over about 4 years ago but whe he started rubberbanding, going into his cave and shutting me out when he had problems I got bored. When I totaaly gave up, leaned back and just turned my whole energy and being away he showed up totally totally opening up and dropping his ego and maschismo. He shared his behavior was all based on his socialisation that had misled him.

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 1:02pm

  152. 152: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    I don’t want to tell my best friend about the kiss with strummingman last night.

    I know she will say… So are you getting back together then or careful, you’ll get hurt. I’m expecting her to have expectations, hm..,

    Everything feels black or White for her.

    Thanks to Rori, I feel comfortably with grey or what ever colour it turns out to be…Feels kind of golden/orange at the moment.

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 1:12pm

  153. 153: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    I want to learn baby signing

    this is when babies learn sign language before they talk and they can communicate what they want!

    heres a youtube

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7gSZfW4gVhI

    i feel excited learning about this!!!

    and smily!

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 1:13pm

  154. 154: ALANo Gravatar says:

    I’m typing between clients and miss a lot of the goings on this way.

    FW, thanks for sharing that. It helped me get perspective on so much that I’ve been questioning inside my noggin. :)

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 1:21pm

  155. 155: turquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Hmmmm… well, good thing Rori says to be surprised.

    Mr. C. texted me a few texts to sort of check in I guess… just normal stuff. Then he said that H was supposed to work last night, but she fell asleep on the couch and wouldn’t wake up. He has commented a lot to me lately that she’s lazy, all she does is sleep.

    This time though, rather than agreeing with him or be negative in any way… I said, “I wonder if she has iron deficiency. Having a baby can change your body chemistry. She seems awfully tired.”

    He said she did have iron issues and was anemic in the past and asked if I could tell by looking at her.

    I replied. “No, she looks healthy. Just based on what you say about how tired she is.”

    His reply. “I think it’s more likely she’s lazy and depressed.”

    Redirect by me, not going to the negative….

    “I live on caffiene, so I typically get 5-6 hours of sleep a night.

    A little bit later he asked me what size shirt I wear, and then sent this..

    “for you, a little present, but can’t pick it up until tomorrow ;)

    My reply… “You got me a present? Wow, thank you! That feels nice to know you were thinking about me. :)”

    Then he sent the picture, very cute. (It’s the school colors, with a logo on it) and said, “they are making yours:) ”
    I wrote back, “I love it! It’s perfect! I love V necks! Thank you sooo much!”

    Him: “I thought it was all you… not a boring old t shirt, but more for a woman.”

    “It’s perfect for me”
    “You’re Welcome”

    I said, ” that was very sweet”

    he said, “don’t tell anyone :)” Which is sort of a game, he doesn’t want anyone to know he has a sweet side kind of thing, not that I really can’t tell anyone like it’s a secret.

    Then he said that he got some cool new gear for himself too and I said, “great! I want to go see what they have.”

    He said, “I got you the coolest thing for a girl ;)

    I replied, “You have awesome taste, so I believe it! I’m so excited!”

    So, I got to practice holding back my opinion, or saying anything negative. Using my feeling messages and being appreciative. What do you think? How’d I do? He’s never gotten me a present before, in fact….I can’t really remember the last time someone got me a present. He mentioned getting me something at this place last week, but they were closed, so I know it’s something he’s been thinking about, not just a peace offering for yesterday.

    So, enjoying the moment. Not reading into anything…. what do you sirens think?

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 1:22pm

  156. 156: turquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Oh, and just to clarify…. his ex wife doesn’t live there, she moved to an apartment in June, but he said she tells him how tired she is, baby won’t let her sleep, she’ll text him often and say she was sleeping. He doesn’t get it, because baby sleeps A LOT, and only gets up once at night when he has her.

    I don’t usually comment on that… what is there even to say. I did tell him once that I had a friend who was depressed, and when she had a bad day, she’d go to bed, even if it was 8:00.

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 1:44pm

  157. 157: LindaNo Gravatar says:

    Hello Sirens

    I am with some of you this post makes me feel ick.
    The love of my life and the last man did some of these things. I dont want to ponder or think on them anymore. The first red flag I get with any man from now on is walking papers. Enough of that crap around me for the rest of my life!

    THe date I had with OlderBusyMan was so nice last week. He has not been in contact at all this week. OK no biggie.

    I have another man who has been texting and or calling me all week. His texts are “thinking of you” have a beautiful day…. etc etc. The feel Halmark Greeting Cardish. He said he is all about how a woman feels and if she feels good then he feels happy. Yikes…..I just feel uninterested and turned off really. I have not even met him and really dont feel motivated to. I dont know what to think about him…my feelings are just ick.

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 1:45pm

  158. 158: turquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    I was afraid C would cheat on me when we were married, he even threatened it once. But aside from looking at porn, there were never any phone calls or emails, nothing like that. I remember feeling relieved that he hadn’t cheated on me, and that’s sad. To have to even feel that way. I haven’t had that kind of trigger yet with anyone else…. but I bet it’s still in me, deep down.

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 1:45pm

  159. 159: LindaNo Gravatar says:

    I feel… “gag me with a spoon” really. hahah that makes me giggle. I am smiling about that now!

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 1:46pm

  160. 160: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    Feminine Woman,

    I just want to let you know that if attention-seeking was my goal, I would come on here and make up stories about some amazing romance so everyone would be impressed.

    The nature of a lot of the stuff I post is straight embarrassment. Quite the opposite of attention-seeking.

    I felt hurt by the things you said. That doesn’t mean I don’t like you as a person.

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 1:50pm

  161. 161: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Turq I feel so proud of you. Woohoo

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 1:50pm

  162. 162: turquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Linda…lol. Gag me with a spoon, haven’t heard that in a long time! i feel that way too when I’m not interested or attracted. I told, sheesh… can’t remember what I was calling him, the guy I went out with Saturday night who had bad breath, that I didn’t feel a big connection, and I was looking for that. I KNOW, should give people more of a chance, but he isn’t for me. He’s quirky, and kinda goofy. But nice. I felt bad though because he replied that it was a pleasure meeting me, wishing me nothing but the best and good luck. :( He was texting me all the time, I wasn’t even replying, and he kept texting.

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 1:51pm

  163. 163: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    I dedicate this song to R:

    http://www.godvine.com/The-Amazing-Story-of-Chris-Medina-Through-his-Song-296.html

    It is by a man whose fiance got a serious brain injury just before their wedding, about his devotion to her regardless. I feel touched.

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 1:53pm

  164. 164: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    I had a cheating experience with my man that actually turned out to be a blessing in disguise.

    I think I was unconsciously testing him to see how far I could push him, to see just how much he really loved me. Not relating to him in feminine energy, not letting him lead.

    He ended up kissing another girl when he was away for the weekend. He came home and was totally honest with me. He said that he felt drawn to her due to her being in feminine energy.

    I was really upset at first but after I heard the whole story and we talked for a bit, I felt okay.

    He said it made him realize that he wants to make sure we keep our attraction up and really tend to our relationship.

    I never thought I could forgive someone who cheated on me, but I actually felt okay with it.

    I really appreciated the fact that he was honest and told me right away.
    I appreciated that he didn’t take it further than a kiss. He said he could have. She was definitely ready and willing but he didn’t and I believe him about that.
    She had befriended him on Facebook, which I didn’t even realize because I wasn’t stalking him there (thank god) and he defriended her and actually seemed really angry with her.
    I guess they had met and he told her about me and she was really flirtatious with him and kept pushing and the kiss happened…and he seemed really kind of mad at her. I actually felt kind of bad because of the drastic way he just defriended her and blew her off.
    So ya, it was pretty crazy but given the way I had been treating him prior and how he handled the situation once it had happened, I felt okay with forgiving him.

    And now I know his limit. He won’t stay with me forever if I take the masculine role in the relationship. I can respect that.

    And I actually do really trust him now. It’s been a process and we had a lot to work through but I actually feel like our relationship is closer now as a result of it.

    Gosh, I feel scared of being judged for this story. :-(
    Love to me, love to me, love to me.
    I guess in some ways I am judging myself.

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 1:56pm

  165. 165: turquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Really FW? I did well then? lol. Thanks!

    I really do feel that happy and excited he got me a present.

    But also, he told me his ex never liked anything he bought her, went as far as to take off her engagement ring many times and say she hated it, complained that the $300 charm bracelet he got her wasn’t the right brand, and ripped up a book he made her of all her dreams that he was going to make come true, like from the disney movie Up. It broke my heart to see that he tried so hard to make her happy, and she just tore him down.

    He even did that 30 day challenge, I forget what the book is, she was doing it too, and quit the first day. Plus, was terrible to him the whole month. Guess what day 30 was? Their wedding. Then she told him she hated their whole wedding, their honeymoon and ripped up her vows.

    I don’t understand how people can be sooo terrible to someone they are supposed to love. Which is why, I’ve been so understanding and open to being a friend. But, 3 months of it was too much, I leaned forward too far, and stopped treating him like a stong, capable man.

    I love how much I’m learning from him/about myself, through all of this!

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 1:57pm

  166. 166: turquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    And Tux just texted to ask how my day is…. nice!

    Leaving work now, off to get a haircut. :)

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 1:59pm

  167. 167: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    ”Out beyond ideas of wrong doing and right doing is a field…I will meet you there” Rumi

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 2:00pm

  168. 168: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    I think the reason he was so mad at her is because he felt like she seduced him even though he told her he was in a relationship. And I think he was mad at himself for falling for it.

    He said he just felt so unsure of it I was really into him that when she started giving him all this attention, he got drawn in.

    Once he stepped away from the situation and realized that it would mean we were over, he felt horrible.

    He was really surprised that I was so upset as he didn’t think I really cared and I understand that. I really was being very aloof and not respecting masculine decisions he was making.

    I think we both learned a huge lesson and even though it was hard, it was actually not really that bad.

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 2:08pm

  169. 169: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Turquoise awareness is the greatest gift. At least one of the wonders of life. We mostly operate on autopilot as if we are unconscious. I feel so much compassion for her. Maybe when she wakes it could be that she waste so many years being misrable and unhappy. So much we can lern from other people’s life.

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 2:11pm

  170. 170: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Linda – wow your gravatar picture feels so warm and lovely!

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 2:12pm

  171. 171: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Another thing that feels good is that I knew something had happened before he even told me. I feel relieved because I know I can trust my intuition.

    That feels awesome to know that my intuition guides me so well.

    Starla is one of the few people that I told. Thanks Starla! I just felt embarrassed and worried that people wouldn’t understand how I could forgive something like that.

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 2:14pm

  172. 172: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Love you, LG.

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 2:15pm

  173. 173: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    LG what jumped at me was how attune he was about her readiness. They are sensitive to our vibe even though we might be strangers.

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 2:16pm

  174. 174: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    i feel really glad that i have been able to be there for sirens off-blog when they didn’t want to post here.

    because you ladies have all been here for me, on and off blog.

    loooooooooove <3 <3 <3
    love you all a lot

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 2:17pm

  175. 175: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Very true FW. I do feel bad for her too…. Such a waste.

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 2:19pm

  176. 176: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Hugs hugs hugs and love to me.

    Feeling sensitive and vulnerable.

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 2:19pm

  177. 177: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    FW: Ya, and that is one of the things that confused me is he said he felt a strong polarity with her and at the same time it seemed like she was really coming on to him.

    I feel confused by how she could be in feminine energy yet still coming on so strong.

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 2:22pm

  178. 178: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you LG, hugs to you too!

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 2:22pm

  179. 179: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    177 LG – rockstar energy maybe?

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 2:23pm

  180. 180: ruthNo Gravatar says:

    A lover from about 20yrs ago has just contacted me on the evilFB

    Yuck

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 2:24pm

  181. 181: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    LG we have to learn to forgive and build trust together withpartners we choose to live with. Otherwise what is the point. Did you share with him your intuition had already told you?

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 2:25pm

  182. 182: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    I think more than anything she just really appealed to his ego and I think he was really disappointed in himself for falling for that.

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 2:25pm

  183. 183: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    And this happened at a time when I was taking a break from the blog and I was really not doing what I know I need to do to have a healthy relationship.

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 2:27pm

  184. 184: SenaraNo Gravatar says:

    LG I don’t judge you, I applaud you! :)

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 2:27pm

  185. 185: Goddess LilyNo Gravatar says:

    LG I’m proud of your courage to trust again. Quite an example!

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 2:29pm

  186. 186: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    Without enough money to live on, my life is out of control.

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 2:44pm

  187. 187: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    LG. Gay Hendricks tell a similar story about himself in one of his books. Maybe Conscious Loving. He said his wife bawled her eyes out telling him that she could not stay feeling open to him should he cheat sexually.

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 2:47pm

  188. 188: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    wow i just did some extra t-tapp yay thanks Daria!

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 2:58pm

  189. 189: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    it feels great that im getting way more able to use my masculine energy now, when i think of something such as a movement to do it instead of brushing it offf

    yay listening to me and trusting me that im not thinking overhwhelming things

    AND!!! babysteps

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 2:59pm

  190. 190: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    I have to start driving but I just wanted to pop in and thank all of you for your support.

    Thank you so much. Will respond more later.

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 3:07pm

  191. 191: Dancing SirenNo Gravatar says:

    Ok I wasn’t going to post tonight because I have been MIA recently and haven’t contributed to the blog much and I am making a judgement about myself that whenever I am here I am being negative when it would feel better to bring some positive energy to Sirens sometimes.

    Anyways this blog is a great support to me and I feel bothered and uptight so I am going to post.

    Just feeling a bit antsy really.

    This post triggers fear in me.

    S has been a bit secretive about his phone and messages he receieves recently, where he never was before.

    I felt a bit insecure and shared that and asked whether he was with anyone when we were apart.

    He said no but then he asked me about my dating as I had said I wouldn’ be exclusive at that time.

    I didn’t want to talk about it and then he said he felt insecure and things got very uncomfortable and he got angry (which I know they are supposed to about CD-ing) and it wasn’t great, bu we talked openly and I said I am always honest and I just did what I said I would which was be open to dating until things felt ok with us.

    He asked me for details but I said I felt uncomfortable to discuss. He kept trying to draw me in and was filling in the blanks with made up stuff.

    Anyway we got past that.

    We have been spending a LOT of time together recently, and I have been a lot in my masc energy as we have been cleaning up his place for me to feel comfortable to stay (live if I want) there with him. And he has been letting me re-organise stuff the way I want.

    So I have been in my boy energy doing this.

    It has had an effect on the relationship… nothing major, just slightly dampened from normal.

    And I want to get back into my Girl now.

    For tonight I decided to stay at my Mum’s so we can have some ‘miss me’ time.

    Don’t get me wrong he is still loving, affectionate and wants sex, but just maybe a tad less attentive and available than before.

    It’s hard to know where to give men a break, and where to stand up for myself, I mean I feel SO hypersensitive.

    But the phone thing has been getting to me.

    I didn’t realise till reading this article but I am going to bring it up with him.

    And tonight he said we would talk on text but he didn’t text me back when I repiled to him after my class.

    I feel a bit annoyed about this too. I know he read it I got a read report ages ago.

    But anyway, I haven’t been very good at trusting him.

    I FIND this SOOO hard. Esp about the drinking, which I don’t think he has been, and he has been attending his group…

    But still I find it hard.

    So this is where *My* work is regardless of what he is doing.

    I know he loves me.

    So I will feel better just to train my brain to think the best and be trusting where possible.

    I know I am feeling tired too. So I am going to go to bed in a minute.

    But I am just feeling kinda grumpy and judgemental and blamey!

    GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAR!

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 3:28pm

  192. 192: Dancing SirenNo Gravatar says:

    Have gone off track and forgotten how to be a true Siren a bit recently.

    But nothing major!

    And so now I am on it again.

    It feels good to make it about ME!

    I am going to be totally ‘selfish’ and b8itch like and a TOTAL SIREN full on for a bit now… like serious Siren business!

    :-)

    He he… feels fun already.

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 3:32pm

  193. 193: Dancing SirenNo Gravatar says:

    Ok he just text me.

    Right so I am just going to tell it like it is… here on the blog I mean.

    I am feeling very needy. Empty, clawing and grasping, trying to fill this cavernous space inside!

    I feel terribly afraid and triggered every time I perceive that my man is not paying me enough attention, and my first instinct is to overfunction to try to get that love to feel better.

    I feel terribly triggered and afraid and triggered that it could go the way of my last relationship, pre Rori, and that was bad because it almost broke me.

    The feeling of powerlessness was awful, he went from me being the centre of his world to being distant and cold and being totally aloof with no sexual contact or affection.

    I fell apart, became depressed, struggled and was totally powerless. Then I broke things off because it was too painful but I still loved him.

    Then I spent the next month trying to get him back, which didn’t work, then he met and married someone else!

    I felt heartbroken and it took me quite a while to get over that.

    That is what brought me to Rori.

    Aamen!

    And now, everytime S’s atention lapses from me, even for a moment, I feel MASSIVE pangs of fear, and ‘here we go again’ and powerless little girl and I don’t want to go there again.

    But it’s ok.

    I love even those parts of me too.

    And I know stuff now, that I didn’t know before.

    I mean I *feel* differently.

    It can be hard sometimes when I feel those pangs of fear, not to paste a smile on, and overfunction and give.

    And then feel angry, resentful and even more empty.

    So I am catching myself.

    The truth is I feel stronger inside.

    I feel that no matter what, things are different. *I* am different.

    I know it’s about me.

    I can be gentle with myself.

    But it is helpful to remember that I am the one! He is incredibly lucky to have me, and my company is the greatest gift.

    Really.

    I don’t have to ‘do’ anything.

    It is a gift just to be me and for people to get to spend time with me.

    The best thing I can do for everyone is let me light shine.

    And I have been feeling bad/guilty/unworthy because of my debts.

    This is a big one for me.

    To allow people to help me and to feel worthy of receiving the help.

    This is a lesson I have resisted.

    I haven’t felt good enough.

    But I am.

    And I am selling everyone short if I cannot gently accept that! Cus it won’t help anyone!

    I wanted things to be so different by now in my life in terms of my financial wealth, and I HA8TE still being dependent on my Mum, however this is stopping, I am seeing to that!

    I have learnt my lessons here, about self sufficiency, not spending beyond my means and being open to receiving help (well still on this one really) .

    Well I am going to stop rambling now and head to bed but thanks for letting me talk!

    Night night… I’ll come see you all again soon.

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 4:06pm

  194. 194: luzydelNo Gravatar says:

    I never had a man cheat on me until I met “S” who said he didn’t think he could be faithful to me, even though he didn’t cheat. Most men I pushed away, I broke up the relationship, I made things on my mind to NOT make it work. They did not want to leave, I asked them to leave.

    I feel so regretful for not know how to handle those relationships, for keeping my emotions stuffed inside me until I got so resentful that ended up hating them…

    I would like to have a second chance with a man who doesn’t want to leave…

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 4:19pm

  195. 195: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    hooooooh

    im feeling excited!

    all that parenting myself and being there for me and not abandoning myself and offering myself hugs and respecting my no’s….

    has brought huge shifts…

    i noticed

    i went to do the Margaret Lynch chakra videos

    and when i went to the second one…

    i GOT that i shut down my desire for harmony by vowiung to NEVER speak up or “get in their business” when my parents (or others) were fighting

    and ignored my own (and since ive been parenting myself i would NOT do that now) desire for harmony and love around me!

    and i was able to tap on this… 2nd chakra tappings is one of the first things that brought behavior changes in me

    in that i asked for my needs to get met

    so im feeling sigh pleased knowing im gonna watch myself ask for harmony and love and kindness around me and share how i feel… with a lot less pressure anxiety and blame

    ive been wanting to speak up on this for so long – i was able to take a step saying ow w my aunt and uncle, but i didnt with my parents

    now i know i will

    and with others too

    i will be able to not ‘stand up’ for others … that paradigm is out

    but instead share feelings of upset at what i see and hear around me

    and even ask for what i want

    — i plan to ask for it in feeling messages and dont wants —

    wow /! so huge

    and thats just the first part!

    theres more

    theres that ive been working on having Money be like a man in my life

    and trusting him that he’s not ‘bad’ etc

    and that he’s innocent and we connect innocently healingly and beautifully

    and he takes care of me (and he has!)

    so NOW i was actually like huh? when she talked about ‘earning’ money. but i got that she meant receiving money in an prearranged contract way

    :)

    mmmmm

    AND

    i got that my kinda left out desperate feeling of wanting to go out, not be left out, be invited and picked up and go out at nite to flashy places and parties in a group

    is also second chakra that i VOWED TO NOT ASK my parents to take me with them out when they went to have ‘fun’ at night, or when i was alone in my room in the dark and they had their friends over at parties having fun and laughing.

    when i asked i got disappointed so i leanred not to ask!

    thats how i also dont ask now for friends to see me and take me out – at least not with all the friends i would like

    instead i put it on me that im not ‘fun’ enough for them to want to!

    but im prbably preempting it energetically. this is why i want to be part of a group so much!

    and this was a revelation i havent even tapped on yet!

    i can do that tomorrow

    taht feels SO exciting adn amazing

    ive been wanting this ‘glamourous, being included’ thing for SO LONG

    i want it BAD

    oh my do i want it

    lol

    im laughing cuz i know how much i wanted it and how frustrated and unworthy and hopeless ive felt about it throughout my life

    and now it will be healed

    shaking my head

    at how amazing ‘stuff’ is

    sigh

    i love me

    :)

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 4:25pm

  196. 196: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    imagine being able to ask for harmony around me!

    who could deny me!

    that feels amazing

    mmm im feeling love towards myself from my lil girl who wants to lay her head on my arm and love on me

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 4:31pm

  197. 197: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    money is my man and i dont NEED him

    i can take him or leave him

    i appreciate him and he makes me feel good!

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 4:34pm

  198. 198: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i am feeling well pleased with myself

    i plan on uploading these videos and audios on my google docs and sharing with interested beings on a personal level

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 4:35pm

  199. 199: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    Dancing Siren – You may have gone to sleep already, but I hope you get to read this tomorrow.

    Even after all of this time and as solid and secure as I feel in my relationship with K and even as rare as this happens, when his attention and affection withdraw, even if just a bit, I too can find the panic and fear feelings rise up in me.

    Since we do have a long history and I know without a shadow of a doubt that we have an awesome relationship, I can usually go back to this place within minutes if not seconds, as I remember my truth here and draw on recent lovely feeling memories if need be.

    And then I go be my cheerful, silly self in his presence or nor until he returns which is always more quickly if I don’t succumb to my gremlins or fall into his down energy.

    I can only surmise that since I’ve not known this kind of love before, it’s still difficult for me to believe within my deepest self. My intellectual self knows though.

    You can do this too. Until and unless he proves otherwise, trust him.

    xxoo

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 4:40pm

  200. 200: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    ((( Siren Angel ))),

    I posted about D’s cheating adventure at the very end of January and all of February (if you want to search the archives).

    I had broken up with him over him giving too much space in his life to nlady.
    He litterally begged me to take him back.
    I pushed him off for 3 or 4 weeks.
    Then I finally said “OK, at your own risk and peril.”
    I spent my whole time verbally jabbing at him about her.
    I would cd and tell him about how well some men know how to treat women.
    I was abusive, but I had warned him “at your own risk and peril.”

    One evening at my place, slouching on the sofa cuddling together, I fell asleep.
    I was dead tired after half a bottle of wine, but he took it as lack of interest.

    So he left telling me he was going home.
    Instead he went to a bar, got drunk and brought home a woman he met there for the 1st time.

    I was 1st shocked.
    That’s how I was able to remain calm while talking to him and her.
    I ran into by fluke when I went out dancing with girlfriends.
    We told each other everything.
    He asked me out on a date, I went.
    When we got back to his place, I told him about getting together with her and everything we told each other about what happened with him on both sides.

    I broke all contact for 1.5 months.
    I took 2 weeks to wallow in my emotions and let them all out here on the blog.
    I was so angry. I wanted to hit him over and over again.
    When that emotional storm passed, I went out all the time with my girlfriends, met a couple of men, cd’d at work and chatted on Match with 2 men.

    I was able to completely detach from him by 1st letting all of my emotions out to the surface.
    I really allowed them to be and really felt them.
    They flowed out and passed alot faster that way.
    Relief came alot faster when I just let the emotional storm be.

    He went to a confidant’s house and cried like a baby.
    He told them that I was the woman of his life, and he felt so sorry for throwing it all away.
    They told me about it over this summer.
    He called my very close friend and asked her if he still had a chance with me.
    He said he was sure I had someone else.
    She told him I still had feelings for him, but he would have to work very very very hard to get me back.
    And he did. He cried a river, he started seeing a therapist.

    I went back exclusively too fast.
    He quit the therapy after only 2 sessions.
    Now he’s back to being withdrawn and distant.

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 4:40pm

  201. 201: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    194:

    That’s exactly what I do Luzydel.

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 4:43pm

  202. 202: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks Dominique for your feedback it feels nice to read.

    Havent we seen this article before ? I’m surprised Rori picked this actually because it feels “unoriginal” and something I’d see on yahoo news…. Which is so un-Rori because I find her ideas fresh and helpful.

    I find this article hollow and fear provoking. Feels like a pointless discussion.

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 4:44pm

  203. 203: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    I feel guilty for being negative

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 4:49pm

  204. 204: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    Siren Angel,

    The best thing I ever did for myself was to prove to myself that I could have a life without him.

    Through that experience, I have become more open, warmer to people in general, less judgemental.
    I have made new friends while I was alone.
    These friends are warmer and more supportive than the ones I had before.

    Use this to learn the most you can about yourself, you will bloom.

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 4:50pm

  205. 205: BABNo Gravatar says:

    Help!

    My man just asked me to “surprise him with dinner, or let him know of some ideas of something he could cook for me if i dont wanna cook.” Im lost as what to do.
    My initial thought is to cook for him because he is working late, but on the other hand i am trying to take a step back and not overfunction like i have been doing.
    I feel bad making him cook for me, because he has to work a little late (I am assuming he didn’t say)
    But i suggested his yummy, such and such would be wonderful, or whatever he chooses!
    Was this right of me? Im trying to let him take the initiative and to not be putting out those little, “i want you to do this” “i want this” or “this is what you should do” directions. lol am i paranoid? does that apply to this area of everyday living?! ANy help would be awesome!

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 4:56pm

  206. 206: luzydelNo Gravatar says:

    And If a man ever cheated o me, I would feel so turned off, I don’t think I could look a him the same way.

    Loyalty is so important to me…

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 4:58pm

  207. 207: MissStixNo Gravatar says:

    BAB

    It’s ok to let him cook for you! It’s also ok to cook for him if you like cooking and you want to cook there is nothing wrong with that. Although for me personally I don’t create romantic meals for my man…Something about it does’t feel right tome. Wining and dining a man.

    Anyway…All is ok :) If he said “give me some suggestions” then do it! He can at least own up to what he himself offers!

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 5:01pm

  208. 208: MissStixNo Gravatar says:

    No need for guilt or worry BAB relax and enjoy and tell him how wonderful you feel to be treated!

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 5:03pm

  209. 209: BABNo Gravatar says:

    Once again thank you Stix for the fast response! :) lol
    *Sigh* It always resonates with me, if i hear it from someone else.

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 5:06pm

  210. 210: MissStixNo Gravatar says:

    :) glad to be of help!

    Hmmm…as far as i’m concerned we lovely sirens can let go of this guilt. A grien a$$ man can work and cook a meal for his lady once in a while. We can handle it. They can too. Not gonna kill him :P

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 5:09pm

  211. 211: MissStixNo Gravatar says:

    Grown a$$ man…Not quite sure what a grien a$$ man is.

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 5:10pm

  212. 212: BABNo Gravatar says:

    Lol too hilarious! I agree, i just get nervous if im taking too much advantage of this pampering because it has been awhile since i have received it!
    HE cooked dinner last night, hence my nerve’s..

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 5:15pm

  213. 213: MissStixNo Gravatar says:

    ohhh well then it’s extra nice he offered lol :D

    Cooking together is fun too! ((((Teamwork))))

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 5:17pm

  214. 214: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    I feel sorta hanging in thin air right now.

    D is withdrawing, keeping me hanging.
    No plans whatsoever to see each other.

    After spending the entire week on vacation together, he said “my 1st week was with my son, the last 1 was with you, now this 1 is for me. I’ll go on a motorcycle ride with my buddy, I’ll visit my parents and check-in with my son.”

    I just responded “it will feel weird not going to sleep by your side tonight.”
    He said “it will feel weird all week, coz we won’t see each other all week.”

    I felt triggered of course.
    He’s wonderful at leaving me hanging with no plans.
    I have absolutely no idea when we will see each other next.
    My NVs are telling me there’s someone else peaking his interest in the background if he’s not wanting me around.
    He could be just stepping back to think.
    He went to his parents’ where his sister was (he confides in her).
    He called at 10pm and we had a long talk, but it was just small talk.

    I leaned forward Tuesday night and called.
    His cell was turned off.
    Imagine the NVs at that moment.
    He called at 10pm, he had spent the afternoon at the hospital with his son, and spent the evening with him at his ex’s house (with her man).
    I have a good relationship with her, so he can’t lie about being there.

    I told him I had what he ordered from my friend.
    He came to pick it up.
    He stayed until my bedtime, I didn’t invite him to stay, he just did.

    I practiced Rori’s tool from the newsletter:
    I just slouched on the sofa next to him without touching him, kept my hands on my sides with palms facing up, and focused on the tv show and relaxed.

    As he walked to the door to leave, I followed him from far.
    When he got to the door and turned around to face me, I was standing a good 4 feet away and I leaned my body back.
    He had to step forward, lean forward to reach over and give me a warm long hug and kissed me on the lips.
    I melted and just put my arms around him softly without squeezing, then told him “that feels really good.”
    He said he would call me later tonight.

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 5:17pm

  215. 215: BABNo Gravatar says:

    That what i thought! :) yay i feel special. Im gonna see how his mood is when he gets home, and then decide if i should offer to help.

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 5:20pm

  216. 216: MissStixNo Gravatar says:

    Good plan BAB! Have a great dinner :D

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 5:25pm

  217. 217: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    My ex husband cheated on me, and I now forgive him totally and wish him all the happiness in the world. But I would NEVER be able to trust him in a relationship again.

    But that’s fine – as friends I don’t have to worry about that trust factor. He cheated on his gf too, in exactly the same way. And looking at her, I sense a bit of masculine energy, so that could be why.

    The biggest thing I learned from this experience was that it was most likely my masculine energy that “pushed” him to cheat. I suppose it was his way of finally getting to be the man. I was the man in our relationship, not him. And as a result, he felt unfulfilled so had to go and be a man with someone else.

    When I finally came to this realisation, it was like I had suddenly woken from a very long slumber!

    In my first marriage, nobody cheated, but my ex (who was very masculine energy) and I were continually butting heads and he responded through verbal abuse. That’s how he got to be the “bigger” man – by pushing me down. And for 9 years I let him do it. Ick.

    And now with TH, I have to be very careful not to slip into masculine energy, because again I’m with a very masculine man, and we have definitely butted heads more than once! No abuse from him though. ;)

    Men (and women) don’t cheat for no reason. They’re cheating to fulfill a need that’s not being met in their relationship, otherwise there’d be no reason for them to do it.

    I hope I’ve not offended anybody by posting this. I know how hurtful and devastating it is to be cheated on, and I don’t believe it’s the “right” thing to do if you’re in an unhappy relationship.

    A close friend of mine cheated on her verbally abusive husband, and I totally get why she felt compelled to do it, but I don’t understand how cheating could have solved anything.

    In the end, she regretted the affair and ended it then set about working on her marriage (finally – if only she’d tried this part first!), and they’re now due to have their first child together. The guy she had the affair with, was devastated. He thought they had a future together.

    My philosophy is that if you’re not happy in your relationship, either work together fix the problem or get out. Don’t inflict immense pain on the person you used to once love, because that’s what cheating can do.

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 5:26pm

  218. 218: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    I don’t know why he’s so distant and withdrawn.
    He’s been that way for 3 or 4 weeks now.

    2 weeks into his withdrawal, I had a meltdown telling him “I feel cold and disconnected, I need warmth and interraction. I feel alone and lifeless like a decoration sitting on the shelf.”

    All he can say is “I know how I am, I don’t know why.”

    He was still cold and withdrawn during our vacation.
    I didn’t say a thing about it, and just went moment by moment, observing myself and my feelings…without saying anything about them.

    Maybe there is no one else, maybe he’s just stepping back to think.
    He’s focusing all his attention on his son.
    His son is usually off with his friends, but with a foot in a cast, he can’t join them in their activities.
    D is taking full advantage of his son’s availability.

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 5:35pm

  219. 219: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    (((LiliBee))) I sometimes I wish we could read the minds of these men, and maybe D really doesn’t know what’s going on, like he said.

    Are you able to get out and CD some girlfriends while he’s like this? It will help you to take your mind off him and it will also help your vibe a little too. What do you think?

    TH sometimes withdraws when he has a lot on his mind, and if I ask if there’s something I should know about he says it’s nothing to do with me and to relax.

    If I believe him and let it go, he snaps out of it pretty quickly. And if I let it eat at me then get all paranoid, then we all know what happens! lol

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 5:47pm

  220. 220: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:

    (((Lilibee)))

    I know so much how you feel. The distance during vacation and the son…

    How old is his son?

    You have been so strong and brave. I don’t know if I could have done the same.

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 6:00pm

  221. 221: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:

    Lilibee,

    Thank you immensely for writing your story today for me. It warms my heart and I really feel for you.

    Maybe we can finally have that drink sometime we had talked about.

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 6:01pm

  222. 222: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:

    Lilibee,

    Maybe he just needs his man cave right now. You did really well by leaning back. Focus on you (I know easier said than done).

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 6:06pm

  223. 223: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    LiliBee, I’ve learned so much from your experience and your self awareness. Wow!

    I hope he comes out of his man cave soon – you deserve the very best.

    xxx

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 6:18pm

  224. 224: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    And Siren Angel, for some reason I’ve been thinking a lot about you and your situation and really hoping with all my heart that you will get through this and end up much happier than ever before.

    I know this won’t help to make you feel any better right now, but I just wanted you to know that somebody far away is sending you love.

    xxx

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 6:21pm

  225. 225: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    217:

    BW,

    I totally agree.
    I was veeerrrry masculine energy in the 2 relationships which I got cheated on.

    My ex fell in love with a very feminine woman.

    D just picked up a strange woman in a bar.
    By then, I had become a bit more feminine.
    It turned out that she was way more masculine and agressive than me.
    His ex was and still is very masculine energy.

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 6:22pm

  226. 226: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    I met this guy some years ago through a mutual friend who taught us a lot about marketing online etc (we did this other guy’s course). We never met in person but connected online via our mutual friend

    Not long after we met, we would chat a bit on Skype because his son was really sick in hospital, so he’d sit up there at night with his son and while he was sleeping we would chat.

    We were both “happily” married at the time.

    Since both of our marriages ended, we’ve stayed in touch with each other, and he’s expressed his attraction to me on several occasions.

    He keeps saying that if he lived near, “something” would happen for sure. Lol He lives in the UK so he’s a bit far!

    It’s nice to know that there’s a guy on the other side of the world who thinks I’m hot though…. :)

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 6:27pm

  227. 227: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:

    Awww.. Butterfly Wings! So kind… thank you.

    I feel a little spent right now so not talking much, but I really appreciate your good thoughts.

    For some reason, I feel totally convinced he will come back fiercely, but I worry about the ‘in the mean time’ (literally)

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 6:27pm

  228. 228: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:

    Lilibee,

    What scares me is that D and M seem to have some traits in common. He didn’t sleep with anyone the last 2 times we broke up (as far as I know and he’s said). But he does go online when we break up almost immediately (once the same day!). What worries me this time is that he might already have someone in mind, which makes me feel very anxious.

    It must have been so hard on you during that time. I remember a little from the blog then. You are soooo strong, I feel so impressed.

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 6:33pm

  229. 229: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:

    M’s ex-wife is the utmost of masculine energy. I often wonder about that. She looks nothing like me, tall, dark. And her vibe is actually quite agressive although I have seen her smooth it up (at kid’s soccer games).

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 6:35pm

  230. 230: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    219:

    BW,

    You’re doing exactly what Rori says to do and say.
    At least you get some kind of reassurance from him.

    I haven’t brought myself to ask that way yet.
    I already gave him my FM about it, so I felt it was best to just lean back and let it go not to hound him.

    But when I feel the time is right, and he’s still withdrawn, I will ask him that way.

    I did get a hint of what’s bothering him though:
    He has a hockey project that will be coming to fruition over the winter. (I’m not aloud to describe it as it will go public).
    In order to be with the team he was involved with in the developping stages, he has to change his work schedule to weeknights.
    He has his son every 2 weekends.
    Which leaves us with only 1 weekend out of 2 to be alone together.

    Hockey season is starting, so I asked him when the project was winding up and what he planned to do to be with the team.
    He said he would not change his work schedule (to please me by being available for me).

    I told him “I would love to come home to you every day after work, have dinner together and spend every evening together.
    But I know how passionate you are about the sport, and what a tremendous opportunity this project is.
    If I were in your shoes, I would not feel happy to feel left out of the team.
    I want to be with you, but I don’t want you miserable.
    You’ll figure something out.”

    He spoke to the team captain, spoke to work…he’s thinking about that now.
    He came up with “maybe I’ll just work weeknights for a month while the project unfolds after holidays, or maybe just 1 month now, and again after holidays, I haven’t decided.”

    I just replied “Well, I enrolled in zumba for 2 nights a week.”

    He sounds more upbeat and happy.

    Maybe that’s the only thing that was eating him up.
    He wants to make me happy, but he doesn’t want to give up this amazing opportunity which is about his life passion.

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 6:41pm

  231. 231: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:

    Also, she might be that way out of frustration with M. It is palpable. He left her.

    Once this summer, I lent a big backpack to 11 yr old to go camping and M got him all that camping gear and new clothes. Something happened around the scheduling to pick up 11 yr old at camp and she did instead of M. M was furious because he wanted the things back. He used the excuse of the backpack belonging to my son. He decided to go ring at her door. The kids answered but they already knew why we were there, though I was in the car (there had been an exchange of angry emails about the camping stuff and pick-up). The kids refused to get the stuff and she wouldn’t come to the door.

    We went for supper and after we went back and I felt so not at ease. He asked me to ring the doorbell but she didnt answer. So he came up to the door to and it opened by one of her older kids (she had 2 older kids from previous marriage) and the ex finally came to the door and slammed it in our faces.

    I felt little shocked but at the same time I could sense the frustration she has for M. And it makes me wonder.

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 6:42pm

  232. 232: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:

    Lilibee,

    I think you nailed it. Yes, it’s very probably what is on his mind.

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 6:45pm

  233. 233: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    LiliBee, that may very well be exactly what’s going on with D, and I like what you said to him.

    You expressed what you would like, but at the same time you took the pressure off by expressing how you would feel in the same situation.

    Go YOU!!!!

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 6:49pm

  234. 234: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    231 SA – Oops I think I was judging M’s ex as being a b*tch!

    But of course put yourself in her shoes, and maybe the situation would look entirely differently, especially if in her eyes, he’s done the wrong thing by her and she’s still hurting from it…

    I really need to watch that….

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 6:51pm

  235. 235: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:

    BW, That’s actually exactly what he calls her ;-)

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 7:01pm

  236. 236: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    Memulo, I had a thought earlier while I was taking a shower, about your situation.

    Since TH has taken a step back from me, I’ve embraced it and moved forward as though he’s completely out of my life (although he’s not), and that includes taking care of me.

    Yesterday is a good example. I felt sick, so I decided to look after me and just go home and rest. I wasn’t wanting or expecting TH to look after me, because I’m a single, independent woman who can look after herself. I did tell him I was going though, because we’d made plans for that night, so I felt I should at least let him know.

    Next he’s “escorting” me home. He even insisted that I give him the car keys so he could drive.

    It felt so wonderful to be looked after, but it wasn’t something I was “imposing” on him with my expectations, so he felt no pressure coming from me at all.

    I suppose when we show a man that we’ll be perfectly fine without them, that’s when they start to think “Uh oh, I’d better show her that she DOES need me!” and are compelled to step up.

    I hope that makes sense?

    xxx

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 7:01pm

  237. 237: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    235 SA – Haha! I can see why he says so! But then again, who knows what her word for him is??? ;)

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 7:02pm

  238. 238: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:

    I have been peeking at M’s FB page all day.. and of course there’s nothing there. I know this is not good to peek.

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 7:02pm

  239. 239: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    Awww, UK guy is going to do what he can to warm up the UK for me, so I can come visit! lol :D

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 7:03pm

  240. 240: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:

    BW, LOL!

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 7:04pm

  241. 241: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    Siren Angel,

    D used to flirt shamelessly right in front of me, with nlady and another sister-in-law in the family at 2 parties.

    Nlady’s husband put her back in her place by taking car of her.
    She never crosses over to D’s yard anymore, she never comes to talk to him at the fence anymore, she doesn’t even look at him anymore.
    She was always very in love with her husband, she just needed her husband’s attention…and it worked!
    He took care of her and she only has eyes for him now.

    When D confided to his cousin about me while crying his eyes out, the story came out through the family grapevine (absolutely not from me!)
    When I saw that sister-in-law at a family party, she said to me “Oh Hi! You’re D’s special lady…”
    She stayed completely away and ignored him totally.
    She would really go at him before.

    He never cheated on me with those women, it was just flirting I believe.
    But the 1 I did catch him with, creepily looked exactly like me.
    I mean same glasses, same hair colour and texture, same height, same face shape, same lips, same eye colour, same type of car.
    I even asked him “it feels so eery that she looks so much like me. You were so drunk, did ya mistake her for me?”

    I look back and it all feels ridiculous.

    The other woman was 16 years younger than him.
    He doesn’t want anymore children, and he doesn’t want a gf with young children: She has a 5 year old and a 7 year old.
    She told me that she told him that she only wanted a friend to spend time with but would never sleep with him again, it was a big mistake.
    When she found out he was still after me, she called me to say “You can do what you want, but I’m never speaking to that man again. He’s clearly not ever letting you go.”

    They were just distractions, he knew he didn’t have a future with any of them.
    He really beat himself up for it, and he cried a river both in front of me and with his confidant while I was completely over him and moved on.

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 7:05pm

  242. 242: LoveAlwaysNo Gravatar says:

    Sinking into my feelings tonight. Don’t feel like hearing the news or watching politics or sports or even talking really. I feel secluded, and that feels safe right now.

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 7:18pm

  243. 243: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks BW and SA! :)
    Your comments make me feel good.

    SA,

    I unfriended D on FB after finding him with that other woman.
    I was always tempted to go spy there.
    I hated how I felt when I did.
    So I just unfriended him.

    That was at the very end of January, and I have still NOT friended him back on FB.
    I can’t stand how bad I feel when I go spy on FB.

    Eventhough we’re not FB friends, I still went to spy on his profile a few weeks ago.
    I felt such a jealous angry turmoil when I saw he had friended a woman.
    I asked him “who is that lady you friended on FB Wednesday night?”
    He responded very spontaneously that she’s his sister’s bf from highschool.
    I definitely clearly feel it when he’s lying, so that was true.
    I felt ashamed and ridiculous like an immature schoolgirl.

    I don’t want to close my eyes, I just don’t want to feel bad, obsessed, tormented, angry, like I do when I spy on FB.

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 7:18pm

  244. 244: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    Siren Angel,

    D’s son is 13.
    I get along great with him when I’m alone with him.
    I give him a ride to the videostore, I bring him back to his mom’s.
    Sometimes I’ll be alone with him in the house when D’s doing something in the garage.
    He opens up and tells me what he thinks and feels.
    But very quickly, and clams up when D shows up.

    He is very cold when D and/or his mom are there.
    He won’t even answer my ‘hi’ or ‘how are you’.
    His parents tell him to answer and he doesn’t.
    He completely ignores me.

    I don’t know what that is all about.

    The other day while D was in the garage, we were alone in the kitchen and he said “It made me angry that you told dad that I only talk to you when he’s not around.”
    I didn’t get the chance to respond, D popped in and his son went outside and refused to talk about it again coz D was with us.
    I haven’t had a moment alone with him since, so I haven’t had a chance to say anything.
    I want him to know that I appreciate him telling me how he feels.

    Maybe I should have spoken directly to him 1st alone, to make him more comfortable speaking to me in front of his parents, before I said anything to D about it.

    I get along with his mom real well, and she’s totally happy living with her new man (for 5 years now).
    Though she’s still verbally abusive to D in front of their son.

    What do you moms think?

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 7:31pm

  245. 245: luzydelNo Gravatar says:

    Oh Lilibee! I feel so triggered by reading about your D; I feel judgmental towards him, and the need to say something to rescue you!

    I am an warrior woman and I tend to feel like that; I do not like your D; he seems immature for his age, but I believe you are a smart woman who would know how to save yourself if you need to…

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 7:31pm

  246. 246: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    “I would love to come home to you”

    “I want to be with you, but I don’t want you miserable.”
    LiliBee these statements sound heavy with responsibility to me. I don’t know if Rori would encourage these kinds of statements but I know she suggests saying I want a _______ relationship, not any specific man. I wonder what he hears when he hears those words. I am wondering if his withdrawal is significant of him being deep in himself working out how he will fit you in his life without much disruption?

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 7:32pm

  247. 247: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    Hmmm LiliBee, that’s tough… maybe he’s like that in front of them as loyalty to each of his parents?

    I suppose you won’t know more until you have the opportunity to speak to him again, but that’s the feeling I get. Kids can be so traumatised when their parents split up, it’s difficult to know what exactly is prompting him to act that way.

    In saying that, the fact that he does open up to you when you’re alone is a VERY good thing. Many kids his age won’t talk to ANY adult ever (especially not their parents), so I feel positive about the fact that he does talk to you.

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 7:39pm

  248. 248: luzydelNo Gravatar says:

    my biggest practice this year is opening my heart… expressing how I feel without drama…

    Last year I cdated a lot, but was so uptight emotionally, now I am not cdating a lot, but every opportunity I get to show my vulnerability, I open up…

    I am discovering That I am a feminine woman, and that my issue with men is mostly expressing my feelings instead of staying quite…

    If I knew how to do this a while back; I would have saved (maybe) a few relationships…

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 7:46pm

  249. 249: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    Practicing my “feeling messages” for my interview tomorrow:

    I am very interested in your company. I am confident I can do an excellent job for you. What is the next step in your hiring process?

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 7:48pm

  250. 250: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    Ooooo! Crossing fingers for you Radlove! I really hope you get it!

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 7:52pm

  251. 251: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    245:

    Luzydel,

    You feel like a big warm hug :)
    Thank you for your feminine solidarity.

    I do know how to take care of myself…now.

    It only took me 3 weeks to get back on my feet.

    What I am learning is priceless, regardless of how this turns out.

    I do judge him as being immature too for his age.
    He didn’t accept his getting older before.
    But he is starting to admit that he can’t do that kind of life anymore.
    He has majorly slowed down on the drinking since we got back together.
    He admits to getting more tired sooner and more often.
    We were surrounded by 25 to 30 year olds over the weekend.
    In fact, we spent the whole weekend with these 5 young people.
    His age really hit him.
    He wasn’t fighting his tiredness, he would be the 1st one to go to bed saying “I’m getting older, I can’t follow.”
    He kept repeating that all weekend.

    He told me he appreciates how quiet and relaxing our time alone together is.

    I feel immature alot of times. I feel like I am in my parents’ role bringing myself up.
    I am growing up so much by all he triggers in me.
    That is what is so good for me.

    Maybe when I feel I’ve reached the most growth possible with him, that’s when I will want to leave.
    Or maybe we will grow together, and our relationship will grow…who knows.

    We will either grow apart or grow together.

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 7:54pm

  252. 252: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    LiliBee, you sound to me like you know you’ll be ok no matter what happens with him. Yay!

    I’m the same now with TH. I have no idea of we will get back together or not. I know he doesn’t want me to meet anyone else, but at the same time he’s not yet ready to “claim” me either.

    I’m not sitting on my hands waiting though, and even though I’m sick, I do really want to go to the concert I have tickets for tonight.

    He’s not happy about me going and is saying how bad it looks to take a day off work then go out that night. I just reminded him that I’m working from home and have not actually taken a day off.

    I’m sure he just doesn’t want me to go in case I meet someone new.

    Oh and I’m as immature as they come most of the time, but mature when it’s important to be that way.

    xxx

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 8:02pm

  253. 253: KimNo Gravatar says:

    I have been trying to keep up with eveyones post for the past few nights. I have been working 13 hour days but it’s kept me from calling him for a few nights while reading. Except I gave in tonight. I am very upset with myself because he didn’t answer. I shouldn’t have called him because he called me at 1 am. Apparently he didn’t have two minutes during normal times???

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 8:02pm

  254. 254: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    246:

    Well FW,

    He is definitely in a better mood since I said that to him.
    He is alot less spaced out and more present in the way he speaks.

    He must have felt resentful of having to give up his presence in his passion project, hence his coldness.

    He found out at work and at hockey that he can temporarily change his schedule and change back as long as he gives 2 weeks notice.
    So he gets the opportunity to alternate and have both me and his project.

    Meanwhile, I got zumba 2x a week and friends to hang out with :)

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 8:03pm

  255. 255: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    Gooooo LiliBee!!! :)

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 8:06pm

  256. 256: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    247:

    BW,

    D asked him 2x why he was so cold with me and he didn’t want to say.
    He just said “I don’t know, no reason.”

    He’s super friendly when we’re alone together.
    He’s fine with his mom’s bf (they live together).

    So far, I haven’t done anything about it, I let D handle it.
    I don’t want to step on D’s toes.
    I’ll talk to D about it and ask him what he thinks I should do.

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 8:17pm

  257. 257: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    Siren Angel,

    You must be off to bed already.

    So when do we go for that drink?

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 8:19pm

  258. 258: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    Does he live mostly with his mother?

    Could it be that he feels loyalty towards her and doesn’t want the “world” to know that he actually likes you? Or it could be that he’s now sure how long you will be around for, based on your history with D?

    He seems confused to me, but the fact that he even expressed he was unhappy with you telling D tells me that he’s quite a mature and good kid.

    I’m sure it’ll be sorted soon enough.

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 8:20pm

  259. 259: BABNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you Stix. Hope you have a great night! :)

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 8:23pm

  260. 260: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    Hang in there Kim!

    I feel sad to see you beat yourself up.
    I do that too sometimes.
    It makes me feel worse.
    Please give yourself compassion.
    We all stumble, it’s part of the growing pains.
    Get back up and dust yourself off.

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 8:23pm

  261. 261: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    I’ve made a decision…

    I want to be with a guy who is totally crazy about me.

    Yeah!

    Ok, now where is he…? ;)

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 8:28pm

  262. 262: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    Good night sirens.

    I’m feeling really sleepy. I hope I feel perky at work tomorrow.

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 8:37pm

  263. 263: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    FW, I’m so glad Mr. Conversation has his dreams! If you are going to dream, dream big right? He was very successful in his past, lost it due to some unexpected circumstances and his marriage really took a tole on it as well. So I feel really glad he has these big dreams to focus on and move him forward. I really believe the worst thing that happens in an unhappy or fulfilling relationship, is getting stuck. Moving on us hard. He’s extremely motivated, I told him he should be a life coach. So, hopefully this will stick, he’ll get unstuck, feel accomplished, boost his ego, and start to feel good about himself consistently again. We shall see what happens!

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 9:09pm

  264. 264: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Butterfly Wings, I want that too! Look up Wanted by Hunter Hayes. That’s what I want! Someone who feels that way about me. Mr. C. Might want to be the best at something, but I want to be the best thing that’s happened to someone, or at least for him to make me feel that way! :)

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 9:12pm

  265. 265: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    “Wanted” (Official Video) (http://www.hunterhayes.com/content/wanted-official-video)

    This is what I want! ;)

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 9:16pm

  266. 266: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    (((Kim))) be gentle with yourself many of us have been there….and probably will be again.

    I for one have for sure called and later regretted it. But tomorrow is a new day…

    ((hugs))

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 9:17pm

  267. 267: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    Yeah I’m with your Turquoise – beautiful song!

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 10:23pm

  268. 268: baby stepsNo Gravatar says:

    89 Dominic, thank you. Will try to put your advice into action.

    In long term relationships, it is easy to take certain things for granted/expected instead of appreciating them,

    At the beginning of the r/s, I was happy and excited whenever He texted or called :) these days, I take it for granted that he texts me daily and calls on the nights we don’t meet. It is only now that he isn’t communicating that I realize I miss him :(

    I wish I knew what’s wrong… As I shared before, he stopped contacting me when I left my country for a short work stint ( 3 weeks ). He was still sending texts the day I left. I hated having to unitiate contact and getting relies only when I ask pointed questions.

    It’s day 4 of my leaning back, ie not initiating contact and it’s driving me crazy with fear,

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 10:23pm

  269. 269: baby stepsNo Gravatar says:

    What I wish I can say to him…

    I love you dearly and wish I know why you arent initiating contact anymore. I’ve analyzed our last week together before I had to leave for work and can’t think of any reason why you are suddenly cold.

    We have been together for over 5 years and I can’t imagine life without you.

    I am now afraid to go home next month. Is this the end of us? If I don’t contact you, will you just walk out it my life like that?

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 10:38pm

  270. 270: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    I wish to see sirens CD ! Yayyaayy

    I feel sad sleepy kinda not clean in my mouth and my throat a lil sore and my lower bottom a lil cold.

    And I want to go poo.

    And my eyes are closing back.

    Two hours of bed wakin up me time now. Yay I have 2 hours to wake up I can take my time

    Yawn

    Jerk

    Yay

    I feel bored

    Orr. I miss man holds and attention in person

    I feel sleepy

    Last nite I felt excited about tapping today to heal that urgency and pain – and judgment – behind wanting to go out and be flashy

    I never did learn to tie a bow in my apron behind my back like the other girls in kindergarten. I don’t know if I’d know how to do it Now.

    More stiff to heal and tap on

    Easier to approach and deal cuz my lil girl trusts me. Yes I trust me. I can be there for me while I feel my feelings.

    Even ones w thoughts of suicide.

    I feel so glad yay I’m not healing young stuff and

    I even realized that all that about being a boy was from the womb. My dad wanted it and he’s a powerful magician.

    :)

    Note to self make sure man magic supports me and is on board w me yeahah

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 11:11pm

  271. 271: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    I feel soooo disappointed in both my sister and one of my “closest” friends.

    Both were supposed to be coming tonight to a concert we had tickets for, and they’ve both cancelled on me.

    I feel both disappointed and very, very angry right now…
    :(

    Thursday, 6 September 2012 @ 11:57pm

  272. 272: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    (((Bw)))

    Daria I like your two hour wakeup time idea :-)

    Dancing siren it’s nice to see you and I enjoy reading your updates and always feel enlightened and / or warm hearted

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 12:09am

  273. 273: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks Emerson.

    I have another friend who I “think” may be wanting to go with me, but she has babysitting issues to sort out.

    If not, I’ll treat myself to Thai food tonight – my fave place is just down the road. :)

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 12:17am

  274. 274: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Emerson :)

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 12:18am

  275. 275: ruthNo Gravatar says:

    146 Smile
    feels good to to hear that you will be doing the park runs

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 12:22am

  276. 276: ruthNo Gravatar says:

    soooooooo Much to read back on yet again and so much to learn

    laters
    x

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 12:27am

  277. 277: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    I feel tempted to push TH off my horse instead of just putting him on the back of it…

    Somebody PLEASE stop me!!! :(

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 12:44am

  278. 278: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    I’m feeling smily and happy . I feel more open to my sexuality. I feel sleepy.

    I feel excited to wash my clothes in the Goddess machine.

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 12:54am

  279. 279: TamNo Gravatar says:

    277 BW – I will stop you. Don’t push him off, let’s see what he brings to the table first ;)
    It’s your sense of urgency speaking maybe?

    The reason why I am writing this is that I can so so identify. I keep thinking about dropping (for good) MrP all the time and then I breathe and remember to let things unfold and that I don’t need to drop anyone…let the best man step forward, whoever that is. Right now it is nobody..haha!

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 1:04am

  280. 280: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    I think it’s my need for control Tam… If I end it, then I know EXACTLY where things stand. I’m sure you understand how that feels! :)

    Argh! I nearly texted before, but took a deep breath and stopped.

    Anyway, I’m in a slightly better mood now, thanks to a girlfriend who has stepped up and wants to join me tonight.

    I was so worried I’d be sitting at home wondering what TH is doing (he’s out – I was invited too, but declined because I had concert tickets – no thanks to my sister who stood me up!)… Sigh…

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 1:36am

  281. 281: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    Ok, I can’t help myself. Instead of pushing him off my horse, I’ve decided to take a break from him and have decided I won’t see him next week at all.

    So I won’t be going to the gym with him either.

    I need time to think and be with just me and my daughter…

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 1:51am

  282. 282: TamNo Gravatar says:

    281. BW, that sounds like a great idea.
    Yes, need for control, exactly. I struggle with that so much. I still can’t get my head around not controlling stuff, people and the outcome. letting go of all of it seems easy when you don’t care about the guy, but when you do it all goes hay wire.
    That’s where the work is. Pffff.
    I tend to push things away when I feel like I have no control and it’s really not good. So I try not to and not let this sense of urgency mess with my head…
    Ommmmmmmm!!
    ;)

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 2:01am

  283. 283: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    I just want to be with somebody who is absolutely crazy about me. TH isn’t . It’s obvious. So I am asking myself why I should bother keeping him there on my horse in the first place? Is it serving me??

    Yes, I get looked after physically, but it’s my heart that needs attention right now… sigh…

    Oh well hopefully tonight will be a great night and will take my mind off him.

    I’ve also put my gmail chat on “invisible” so he doesn’t try to message me…

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 2:04am

  284. 284: TamNo Gravatar says:

    283 BW, I feel the same as you, also want someone to be crazy about me…but then I do wonder.
    I did have a guy who seemed crazy about me and I fell for it, in the end it was just an infatuation and never led anywhere.
    Men also have different ways of expressing their love, some are crazily in love and all over you with ‘I love you’s’ and others fix your house, car or whatever to show their love, and stay with you throughout time and space…but they don’t ever ‘go crazy’ for you…
    I don’t know anymore.

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 2:15am

  285. 285: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    After over 20 years of dating, I wouldn’t have a clue either Tam.

    My most recent ex wore his heart on his sleeve. I knew EXACTLY where I stood with him from day 1. I never ever felt insecure in our relationship until the day I found out he’d cheated.

    So now, while I’m feeling down like this, I wonder if there are ANY good men out there.

    I should stop that actually. I KNOW there are. I just haven’t found one yet…

    Blah…

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 2:19am

  286. 286: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    I’m kind of kicking myself now too, because some time ago a friend introduced me to a guy who I was REALLY attracted to. He’s a bit of a player so I was very wary, but he did make some moves on me.

    In the end (probably because I was wary) I told him that I had feelings for TH so nothing could happen with us.

    He has just had his gf and her kids move in with him. So yeah he may have been a player once, but it seems he was almost ready to settle down when I told him to go away. Dammit… he was a great guy too….

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 2:22am

  287. 287: TamNo Gravatar says:

    well, a lot of the good men in my age group are in good marriages and good relationships….but hey. i haven’t given up hope yet ;)

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 2:24am

  288. 288: baby stepsNo Gravatar says:

    BW, I feel sad to read that you feel TH isn’t the man for you.

    Yesterday you shared that he gave you tender kisses and went over to your office to drive you home. These gestures were unexpected and they made you feel cared for.

    Was there something he did or didn’t do today to make you feel differently ? ( this question comes across as masculine… I apologize as I can’t think of a feminine way to express this )

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 2:25am

  289. 289: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    It’s ok baby steps and you’re right. Sometimes he IS the sweetest guy. But the rest of the time I really don’t feel “loved”. At all.

    I think that’s why I need to take at least a step back from him and work out what I want.

    I know I’m hormonal too, I’m upset with my sister, plus I’m still getting over the depression, so it’s possible I’m blowing things out of proportion.

    Oh and “upset” with my sister is an understatement. She told me her daughter (my niece) couldn’t make it because she had a “really bad headache”. Well it seems she’s healed thanks to some pics she just posted on FB.

    I could have been out with TH tonight helping a mutual friend celebrate his birthday, but I turned down the invitation because I didn’t want to let my sister/niece down. And what do I get in return?? RAWR! So mad… :(

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 2:30am

  290. 290: baby stepsNo Gravatar says:

    Butterfly Wings *super big hug*

    I hear you and feel you…. Feeling loved is so v v important…
    A guy can say I love you but when we don’t feel the love, it means nothing.

    Another hug to you. It must be frustrating when you prioritize someone over spending time with TH AND then get stood up.

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 2:43am

  291. 291: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    TH has NEVER said the L word. Ever.

    He shows he cares through the things he does sometimes, but I’m not sure it’s as intense as love.

    After 2.5 years, if he’s not feeling it now, surely it’ll never happen?? I am wondering why I bother….

    And yeah I feel pretty crappy about my sister standing me up, but thankfully two friends have now stepped up to take the tickets, so there’ll be three of us, which is good. :)

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 2:50am

  292. 292: baby stepsNo Gravatar says:

    I wish we will all have a happy loving relationship like Rori

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 2:52am

  293. 293: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    Hmm… it’s been 2.5 years. If he doesn’t love me now, how can he surely start loving me in the future???

    I’m really doubting it’ll ever happen. Has it ever happened with someone before?

    Thankfully I’m not sitting around at home alone every night, otherwise things would be feeling very depressing right now… lol

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 2:53am

  294. 294: TamNo Gravatar says:

    293 – BW, how do you know that he doesn’t love you?

    I felt very unloved by a man who constantly told me that he loved me and he wanted me ‘forever’, well the first small hurdle came and I never saw him again.

    I feel very loved by someone who never said ‘I love you’, and perhaps he doesn’t but some things he does for me certainly feel like love…

    I know, it is all very confusing, but words are just words at the end of the day and words are cheap. look at the actions..

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 2:57am

  295. 295: baby stepsNo Gravatar says:

    Tam, you expressed it so beautifully

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 3:01am

  296. 296: AnnieNo Gravatar says:

    Ty Siren Angel and feminewoman from previous thread.

    Hugs about your facebook issue SA.
    I really believe that if you stick to Roris tools leanback, CD and process and sink into your feelings you will be at a different place before you know it.
    You have to stick to it and not contact or lean forward though if you want to break this pattern transform and be in a better feeling place.

    I would see pics and comments that a man who I was emotionally involved with on his FB.
    The pain I felt was excruciating like a knife through my heart.
    I really now believe that we think this is love and get this confused because of that crossroads in our lives where we labeled pain as love and got them mixed up.

    To go there and process this pain felt like my heart breaking shattering.
    I opened myself up to it and surrendered to a higher source and you know what instead of wanting him more I started to feel repelled and no didn’t want a man like that..
    I would read flirty comments he wrote to other girls and my gut instinct new beyond a shadow of a doubt that he wanted me to see them and want him more.
    At one time I would have wanted even more if I saw other women enjoying and engaging in flirty comments with him and being charmed.
    But Doing Roris tools commitment blueprint seven steps and processing and sinking into my feelings surrendering to a higher power inner bonding I started to transform.

    I began to feel repelled by this behavior and have nothing to do with a man who behaved like that and naturally wanted to go in the opposite direction.
    At one time just like you I would have wanted to contact and voice my anger verbally move into his space and attack.
    Not any more. That behavior now feels YUCK to me.
    This wasn’t me pretending I really did transform and feel like that.

    He turned up again not long after I had let go started to move on and the conversation naturally came up with him leading and me following. I spoke my truth and said i felt repelled and turned off I had got past the feeling hurt stage was in a different place.
    He was shocked expecting me to want him and begging me to see him, saying how sorry he was that he had repelled me and turned me off and wanted me to break my plans to see him.

    I would have dropped my plans at one time and run back to his arms. Not this time no chance. He begged for ages for me to go and see him or to come to me said he felt compelled to turn up at my door but was scared I would shut the door in his face and tell him to go away.
    I would have. I do not want him as he is. He would have to prove to me that he had changed for good transformed grown up for me to ever really want him and give him another chance.
    As he is at the moment he is not good for me.

    I know you are able to get to a better place if you do the tools and work through the anxiety that will show up especially when you wake up in the morning.

    X

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 3:06am

  297. 297: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    Well he tells me (and others) he “cares” for me a lot. He told me last night that he “likes me”.

    My sister was once trying to get it out of him if he “loved” me but he refused to say it.

    I just don’t “feel” it from him. Yes he does sweet things for me, but he has done sweet things for his other female friends in the past who he was not even in a “relationship” with, so I don’t know.

    I just want to “feel” wanted, like that song Turquoise posted earlier. And right this second I really don’t.

    In fact, when I go out and end up with men all over me, I feel MORE coming from them than I do with TH. Maybe it’s because they just want me in bed, but I still feel more wanted than I often do with TH…

    One thing for sure though, I definitely do not love him as much as I did a month ago. I suppose this break has showed me that I’m much more capable and accepting of being alone than I thought I would be. :)

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 3:08am

  298. 298: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:

    BW,

    I believe I have a CC newsletter somewhere that’s called ‘Do you want him to say I love you’ or something alone those lines.

    I have to rush out this morning but I will check in my email when I come back later today.

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 3:33am

  299. 299: RiverGirlNo Gravatar says:

    Has anyone else listened to Rori’s interview with Dr Ali Binazir? (Tao of Dating)
    http://taoofdating.com/women/

    I listened to it today and something that really jumped out at me was when he said that the on again, off again hot/cold behaviour of men that we find so frustrating in our relationships is not just something that makes us anxious, it is actually a big part of what CREATES the attraction in the first place!

    Eegads!!! What’s a girl to do?! I guess awareness helps us to realise what’s happening and that will keeps us from getting so worked up about it. Hmmm, but if we’re not so worried, that probably means we’re not as attracted.
    Enter stage left: Mr Consistency who just wants to tell us he loves us and do good things for us.
    “Huh? Mr who?”

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 3:38am

  300. 300: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:

    Annie,

    ((((Annie))))

    I have to rush this morning, but your comment resonates with me and I want to thank you for your words and story. That must have been so hurtful and disapointing. I know the pain you are talking about. Last time we broke up in January, M posted a sexy video of ‘Brunettes are hotter’ whereas I was very blond at the time. I felt very hurt and also turned off and very upset.

    I am in a little better place this morning. I am feeling confident and trustful that somehow he will do right by me. I know I really need to focus on me and it’s taking me a little longer this time to get there. Thank you for the reminder to do the tools.

    xx

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 3:38am

  301. 301: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    A good friend gave me this book, which I’m about to start reading:

    Are you the one for me? Knowing who’s right and avoiding who’s wrong…

    By Barbara de Angelis

    And from the back:

    You’ll learn:
    - Why you’ve chosen the partners you have – and how to make better choices.

    - How much sexual chemistry you and your partner really have.

    - The ten types of relationships that don’t work.

    - How your childhood memories may be affecting your love life.

    - The six essential qualities to look for in a mate.

    - How to avoid making the biggest mistakes in love.

    - How to spot fatal flaws in a partner.

    - Why you may be falling in love for the wrong reasons.

    - How to avoid compatibility time bombs.

    If you’re single or divorced: read this book to understand why your past choices weren’t right for you and learn how to make a healthy, successful choice next time.

    If you’re in love: read this book to make 100% sure whether or not this relationship is the one for you.

    If you’re married: read this book to understand and balance your differences so you can live more peacefully and passionately together.

    Well… it sounds interesting! I will post my reviews as I go along! I might even learn something new!

    My friend wrote inside the cover (she’s read this and lives by it):

    BW, this book will tell you. Be wise.

    Love forever, B.

    She is such a sweetheart and has told me that now that she has met “the one”, she says that this book was totally spot on.

    I wonder if she’s right – I will soon find out I’m sure! ;)

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 3:39am

  302. 302: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:

    Lilibee,

    Yay! i am picking my son today for 1 whole week, so let me see if I can get a babysitter for next week as we both need to change our vibes fast. Otherwise, it will have to go to the following week. I will message you on FB.

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 3:42am

  303. 303: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    298 Siren Angel – oh that would be great! Thank you! :)

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 3:42am

  304. 304: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    302 – Oooh I am so happy that you two are making plans to catch up! And now I feel envious… lol ;)

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 3:44am

  305. 305: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    I was talking to someone recently about psychological abuse, and I remembered the name of the former nun who is a psychiatrist:

    Michele Toomey

    Her website is http://www.mtoomey.com/ about liberation psychology. I wish I could remember who I meant to direct this too.

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 3:46am

  306. 306: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:

    oh… Lilibee!

    M’s kids do the same with me. When they are warm and cuddly with me and confide with me, it’s when he’s not around… And they act aloof with me when he is there, but not always. Although i can totally see their game. They are telling their dad they are not happy with the situation of the divorce and they somehow use me to get the message across. Also i see clearly that they want to be close to their dad so much, that they push me away, and this gets heightened on vacation in their behavior with me.

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 3:48am

  307. 307: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    I’m feeling so excited! People’s criticisms… That is my MOMs criticism are starting to not bother me very long!

    I felt bothered for a short while, was there for my girl to feel her feelings… And wow! I’m feeling better And open!

    This feels amazing Ohhhh parenting myself like this feels amazingly awesome !

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 4:14am

  308. 308: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    My lil girl is in my arms now as I type :) I’m hugging her w my other hand and she’s giggling at what were typing :) :). Hehe

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 4:16am

  309. 309: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Am feeling just Fantastic!!!!!

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 4:18am

  310. 310: SenaraNo Gravatar says:

    Good morning Sirens!

    I am so productive! Since I couldn’t cook yesterday, I just cooked a nice Garlic Roasted Chicken this morning, it smells heavenly here now and I can’t wait to taste it. :)

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 4:25am

  311. 311: AutumnNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Ladies

    I have not posted for a while but i need advice :(

    I was supposed to have dinner with Him tonight but he did not show or contact me to let me know he will be late or won’t make it. I know he had a pretty big meeting which appears to have run late into the night. But still that is no excuse.

    I am angry and i want to snap at him when i see him next. or punish him by ignoring him. I know i should lean back and be cool and use feeling msgs to tell him how upset i was he did not make an effort to contact me but right now i am just too mad.

    Help :(

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 4:39am

  312. 312: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you BW!

    We had a date last night and it happened so that he traveled very far and with a lot of traffic to see me and was apologizing that he arrived a bit late. i was feeling very tired and hungry and he took me to a best place to eat, though he wasn’t hungry himself and he wanted me to order half of the menu;) He kept on saying good things about me and was affectionate. He took me home and left when I said I feel really tired and want to sleep.

    Go figure

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 4:50am

  313. 313: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    Autumn,

    he can still contact you? Is it dinner time yet?

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 4:52am

  314. 314: TamNo Gravatar says:

    312 – wow Memulo!!! Sounds good, no??

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 4:54am

  315. 315: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    He asked why I am not organizing a trip to a store to get my bday gift.

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 5:00am

  316. 316: AutumnNo Gravatar says:

    Memulo

    Its 10pm now so i already ate and did my own thing. i did not msg or contact him since we spoke earlier in the day regarding dinner. I feel hurt that he could not be bothered to contact me, though i understand that things my have gotten away from him :(

    I am trying not to be paranoid. At least i dont feel as angry now….

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 5:02am

  317. 317: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Memulo, did this change come about because you leaned back? Good news.

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 5:07am

  318. 318: Memulo says:

    Autumn, you did thr tight thing. Can be a misunderstanding just lean back and wait

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 5:16am

  319. 319: AutumnNo Gravatar says:

    Memulo

    Thanks. He just said he ‘forgot’ :( says he is sorry. I used feeling msgs but the whole evening has been a mess :(

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 5:37am

  320. 320: Memulo says:

    Tam, no reason really. I rarely lean fwd at the end anyway. Thank you;)

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 5:46am

  321. 321: Goddess LilyNo Gravatar says:

    Sirens,

    I need guidance. Bear with me this might be a long explanation.

    I am feeling anxious and fearful for two reasons. First, I feel fear about my recent breakup. I worry about his state of mind and what he may do (I changed my locks but he has my garage door opener) and what he may say to others as we have a few mutual friends. He has never been dangerous but I learned from a previous relationship that you don’t really know a man until he reaches a point where he feels like he isn’t in control. And that can be scary. I’m scared of what friends will think of me if they hear his side, truth or not.

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 5:48am

  322. 322: Goddess LilyNo Gravatar says:

    Sirens,

    I need guidance. Bear with me this might be a long explanation.

    I am feeling anxious and fearful for two reasons. First, I feel fear about my recent breakup. I worry about his state of mind and what he may do (I changed my locks but he has my garage door opener) and what he may say to others as we have a few mutual friends. He has never been dangerous but I learned from a previous relationship that you don’t really know a man until he reaches a point where he feels like he isn’t in control. And that can be scary. I’m scared of what friends will think of me if they hear his side, truth or not. He is upset because I chose to not go on a very expensive two week cruise with him that we had been looking forward to for the last year. He wanted me to still go even though we won’t be together anymore. Plus a lot of his family will be there. The cruise is still months away so he thinks we will be friends by then. I think it will still feel uncomfortable.

    Second, I worry about the girl friends I have met through him. They weren’t his friends, just part of a larger circle. I feel fear that I can’t trust them. How well do I know them? Do they discuss me and my relationship when I’m not around? I felt like my friend was covering her phone when she was texting last night. Is this feeling intuition or paranoia?

    I have very few girl friends so the thought of not being able to trust or possibly lose them terrifies me.

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 5:59am

  323. 323: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Goddess Lily when my cousin and her husband separated he reached out to everyone in the family telling us that she is a lesbian. She was worried and wanted to explain. When she asked me what to do I told her its her life to live anyway she wants to. Explain nothing to no one let him burn himself out. The truth will be known. She took the advice. Eventually his true colors showed.

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 6:03am

  324. 324: Goddess LilyNo Gravatar says:

    Oops, posting on a phone, sorry for double posting

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 6:03am

  325. 325: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    306:

    Goodmorning SA,

    D’s sister told D that his son has no reason to not like me, that he would be that way with any woman in D’s life.

    His son is extremely demanding on D.
    The mom encourages that behaviour coz she felt he neglected both of them while they were together.
    She’s very controlling masculine energy.

    I don’t know what else to do except lean back.

    D did say he would talk to his son about it again.
    I didn’t ask, but noticed his son was responsive to me in front of D when we went to see him before we left for vacation alone together.

    He’s starting this teen attitude of being very standoffish to both his parents, so nevermind me.
    That’s why I don’t take it too personal.

    I remember it took my brother 10 years before he spoke to my mom’s new partner, and also to my dad’s new partner.

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 6:08am

  326. 326: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    302:

    Yey SA! :)

    See ya on FB.
    Can’t go on FB today, we’re blocked at work, but maybe tonight.

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 6:11am

  327. 327: BABNo Gravatar says:

    Thoughts on sex with out intestacy/being a booty call for your man.
    Why do i feel the need to get snuggled or some sort of affection, after being waken up by him, for him.
    Can anyone else out there relate?

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 6:13am

  328. 328: CalypsoNo Gravatar says:

    Goddess Lily – You can reprogram your garage door opener to a different frequency, so the one he has will no longer work. Or, you could try a feeling message with him and ask for the opener back – if he is hoping the two of you will be friends in the future, he may respond well to the request.

    I’m wondering what you are worried about your girlfriends saying about you – why would it even matter? I mean, gossip is not healthy, but as soon as you stop adding fuel to it, it will burn out. Maybe the friend texting was saying something personal to a man she was texting . . . I often text with a CD when out with girlfriends – I sure would not want them to read everything i say…

    My advice would be to try to relax and just be yourself. Don’t let your ex get inside your head. I’ve been there – you will make yourself crazy if you give him that power.

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 6:15am

  329. 329: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    304:

    But BW, you have Peaches.

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 6:40am

  330. 330: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Goddess Lily my concern would be if you are in physical danger. One friend of Rori who is also a coach had a similar experience. Virgina Feingold Clark. I suspect she might be able to help

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 6:42am

  331. 331: MelNo Gravatar says:

    Welcome baby steps!

    You had asked about the use of FMs in the last post… using positive ones vs negative ones.

    I thought I would share a little… :)

    When I was a new baby siren, I found FMs very difficult. ESPECIALLY when things were feeling bad. My life at the time felt stuck and unhappy and difficult. I found that in these moments, expressing FMs in a non-blamey way felt nearly impossible. So I told myself the bad feeling messages. I found it helped me to just feel my feelings. It didn’t hatter if they were uttered outloud…heard.

    I’m feeling very angry right now… what can I do about that?

    I’m feeling really alone and unloved… how can I love myself better?

    So I practiced these negative FMs on myself… and eventually I got better at expressing myself to others.

    Likewise, at first I found it difficult to express positive FMs too. It didn’t feel authentic. I wasn’t feeling positive about my relationship at all. So I started with telling myself positive things… I feel so pretty today. The breeze feels so warm and tickle-y on my skin! It helped me to feel more positive in general- despite the bad stuff going on in my life.

    Eventually FMs just started pouring out of me naturally, without even thinking about it too much. And I feel much better not keeping all of my emotions inside.

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 6:45am

  332. 332: Goddess LilyNo Gravatar says:

    FW and Calypso,

    Thank you for your comments. I really appreciate it and I’m feeling calmer already. I have no real reason to believe I am in physical danger. I just know you really don’t know a man until he feels real loss, even though it was definitely mutual.

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 6:47am

  333. 333: LoveAlwaysNo Gravatar says:

    Good morning sirens

    Gave my power speech to hscd and he stepped up large!!
    I was truly surprised at how fast this happened. It feels unreal. I feel scared a little, but more like anticipation. He wants to be with me forever and I dont have to guess or wonder what he feels. OMG, Rori’s tools worked. I had never given that speech before. I need to go gather my feelings. I’m a nervous wreck.

    Namaste

    LoveAlways

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 6:50am

  334. 334: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Wow yay Love Always!

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 6:57am

  335. 335: TamNo Gravatar says:

    333 Love Always. That sounds amazing. Do you feel to elaborate, I’d love to hear more on the power speech and what happened..

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 6:57am

  336. 336: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    ‘Likewise, at first I found it difficult to express positive FMs too. It didn’t feel authentic. I wasn’t feeling positive about my relationship at all. So I started with telling myself positive things… I feel so pretty today. The breeze feels so warm and tickle-y on my skin! It helped me to feel more positive in general- despite the bad stuff going on in my life.’

    Wow thanks Mel! This feels inspiring

    I feel happy and excited yay I have a new tool to practice

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 6:59am

  337. 337: MelNo Gravatar says:

    I am feeling silly today!

    And also a little homesick… Not sure how the two can go together…

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 7:01am

  338. 338: MelNo Gravatar says:

    I want to play…

    Thanks Daria!

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 7:02am

  339. 339: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    333:

    Wow Love Always!

    I feel so happy and inspired to read that :)

    Care to share what you said?

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 7:16am

  340. 340: CalypsoNo Gravatar says:

    I’m seeing JC tonight – we have both been very busy all week, so have not ben together since Monday. Tonight I am participating in a Zombie Flas Mob to advertise for a charity event. JC is going to come watch me and then be my date at the after-party. I’m going to be wearing zombie clothes and makeup- including nasty teeth – yuck! I feel very nervous that JC will be repulsed by me . . . It should be a lot of fun, tho . . . hopefully he will enjoy watch me dance to Thriller in the street downtown – see my playful side.

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 7:23am

  341. 341: MelNo Gravatar says:

    Last night I was feeling all cuddle-needy and I surprised myself by just getting out of bed and going upstairs to snuggle with my dogs. I then realized that I was feeling quite prickly, so it was really no surprise that I was not receiving the cuddles I “needed”. Funny.

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 7:26am

  342. 342: MelNo Gravatar says:

    Ooooh! Flash-mob! That sounds super fun!

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 7:29am

  343. 343: CurvySiren10No Gravatar says:

    I am not caught up on reading yet (so I may have missed stuff) but I really wanted to say a few things here.

    First, yesterday there was some talk from Turquoise and others about how hard it is to “do” a relationship, very pessimistic kind of stuff…and believe me, I get that. I had a very difficult marriage. My ex was controlling and I was a doormat. That is the Reader’s Digest version. But I am telling you ladies that there ARE guys who want healthy relationships. There ARE guys who know how to do it. And I say this NOT to discourage our boundaries in any way, but I think we need to be VERY cautious about what it is what are really looking for.

    And I really want to talk more about the amazing relationship I’m in right now and WHY it is so amazing, but I don’t want to step on any toes either. I will say this… it’s not about the perfect man or someone meeting all of my “requirements”. It’s about communication, and the ability to resolve conflict together and keeping the attraction strong and active at all times. Doing that requires making sure there are no “pieces of paper” (resentments) between us that dull the attraction (think magnet and steel. the only way to dull that attraction is by having things “between” it)

    There is SO much more I could say here. And I will as time marches on. But in the meantime, I want to encourage all of you to stay open and curious. And really consider the RELATIONSHIP you want as Rori always says…vs. any specific man.

    Oh, and BW… the man I’m engaged to didn’t say the L word for 2.5 years. I know that Dominique’s K didn’t say it for 3 years and still rarely does. But he said it all the time in the way he treated me. He DOES say it now. Not sure what changed with him, but I am glad I didn’t let it be a deciding factor for our relationship during the time I was so frustrated about it.

    Arggh, so much more I want to say but I must get some work done now. Back soon I hope…

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 7:33am

  344. 344: MissStixNo Gravatar says:

    Hi again BAB!

    I want to get this one right…

    Are you saying he is doing midnight wake-ups with no snuggling afterwards??

    Not kosher! But not a huge problem. If this IS what you’re talking about, can you describe to us his demeanor/actions afterwards IE: is he rolling over and falling back asleep?

    And also your demeanor IE: are you into this sex or are you begrudgingly accepting it, and then fuming when the intimacy lacks?

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 7:34am

  345. 345: CalypsoNo Gravatar says:

    Mel – I think it will be a lot of fun, but I am not very good at organized dancing . . . I have to memorize the steps and I just know I will be zombie staggering right when everyone else is zombie staggering left – lol.

    It is advertising for a Zombie 5K run taking place next month for a charity event. I will be a zombie then too – chasing the runners in the 5K. Should be a blast.

    This is one of the things I decided to do to help keep my mind off of GM and to meet new people. It will be interesting to see JC in this environment – how he responds to me in Zombie mode and all of the folks who will be at the after-party – most of them are new to me too – I really only “know” a couple of them.

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 7:34am

  346. 346: MissStixNo Gravatar says:

    In my experience midnight sex was not something I got in my marriage. So when I got it with G it was confusing and upsetting when he did not cuddle me after.

    I don’t believe it is second nature to them to snuggle ESPECIALLY after a quick midnight wake up. But, a change in attitude towards the sex and a few words and he curls up around me afterwards now every time.

    Giving sex when we aren’t into it is a no no. That doesn’t mean to withold it! I never say no unless i’m on my period. Never. BUT I had to learn to always be fully present and into it or else I would have to start saying no. Which is actually not what I want. I want lots of sexI And I want to be woken up.

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 7:40am

  347. 347: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Curvysiren….yay..what a great post!!!
    So much hope there for all of us.
    I like the ‘paper between steel’ thing very much.
    But, it does take two to tango to remove the resentments, and it is finding a man who has the willingness to engage in the communication that will ensure a healthy relationship.
    Sadly many are unable or unwilling to do it and prefer to stay behind walls….and to be honest, I was the same and am trying hard to change that. Not easy.
    Also very interesting about the ‘L’ word….that is my eperience also. After I had somebody say it to me all the time, with very little meanting attached to it – and even pressured me to say it back to him….I now find it unnecessary as an affirmation of (anybody’s) love. Which doesn’t mean I don’t like hearing it.
    I love hearing it, sure.
    But not hearing it wouldn’t make or break a relationship. There are a few people in my life whom I have not told outright: I love you.
    But they know I do, and I know that they know I do!
    Same thing.

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 7:50am

  348. 348: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Autumn you are ASSUMING he did not make an effort to contact you. As phones misfire sometimes I would wait to see what he says. He could have lost track of the time then got scared of your possible reaction. If this happened in the past I would change my reaction.

    It feels so confusing when I hear nothing. I feel kinda crummy waiting for people. It would feel better to be kept in the loop.

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 7:52am

  349. 349: MissStixNo Gravatar says:

    Morning Sirens!!

    I had such a sireny moment last night and I felt so cute, girly, and cared for…

    I was laying on the couch with my head in G’s lap. We had been teasing each other and he was tickling me. Lots of fun! I was laying on my back and he had his hand in mine just kind of fidgeting. So when the commercial came on I squeezed his hand, shook it all around and said: “Ohhhmygawd I want a DQ cake for my birthday! mmmm and I want it to taste like strawberry cheesecake!” :D He said: “ohhh yeah? And I suppose it’s up to me to make that happen?”… I laughed and said: “Well…I suppose I could get someone else to get me one…” He lol’d and said “Uhhuh, DQ cake it is.” and messed up my hair. :D

    In all honesty this stuff surprises me every day!!! 3 years ago I would have said “ooooooo I gotta get me a DQ cake for my birthday!” I would have gone out and bought it and then I would have given him a bigger piece :p Feel me?

    What was I thinking??? Sigh. Love to younger Stix. (((clueless stix)))

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 7:59am

  350. 350: bloom-ingNo Gravatar says:

    i’m really feeling sparkly about the italics…. yum !

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 8:01am

  351. 351: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    It is reported that the sleep hormone in men increases after sex.

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 8:04am

  352. 352: CalypsoNo Gravatar says:

    I have been drinking Shakeology for breakfast for 2 weeks now and it is really starting to make a difference in my energy level and I am losing weight – sweet! It is super good for digestion and hair/skin/nails. It makes me feel happy to be nurturing my body in this way.

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 8:07am

  353. 353: bloom-ingNo Gravatar says:

    Mel,

    “I am feeling silly today!

    And also a little homesick… Not sure how the two can go together…”

    this makes me feel like a soft-eyed baby

    wanna go out in the garden & make up stories & wander & have tea & find treasure & nap

    : )

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 8:07am

  354. 354: CalypsoNo Gravatar says:

    FW – It has the same affect on me! I get my best sleep after sex or even after finding my own release if i am alone.

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 8:09am

  355. 355: MelNo Gravatar says:

    Hey Curvy Siren!

    I was feeling the same way yesterday. Things were feeling a bit negative and the article triggered me immensely, because I think every one of those flags existed in my marriage before we split…

    BUT I do believe in relationships. And I really liked what someone said yesterday (maybe Miss Stix) about the problem with cheating really being about holding the other partner back. I know that for me, as soon as it all came into the light, I felt sooooo much better. I felt like I actually had a CHOICE and I chose to leave. When I was feeling things weren’t “right” but I was still trying to make it work… I felt like I couldn’t breathe. I feel so much more free and happy now. Knowledge is power. Actually we’re BOTH much happier now. I wish he would have come to me earlier, so that we could have began our separate journeys forward… but all things happen in their time.

    I also made the choice to believe that I could love again, risk again, be vulnerable again. I believe in love, though I wasn’t looking for it. Mostly I believed in ME and that I would be happy no matter what. That is the best choice I ever made. To be happy. To love ME.

    And funnily enough… that’s when I started to attract “good” men to me… I felt like I was covered in honey and the bees were happily buzzing all around.

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 8:09am

  356. 356: CurvySiren10No Gravatar says:

    Tam, you’re right. But what I’m saying is that we can inspire/encourage our man to do this if he feels what the effect is on his relationship and his woman. It’s not a simple concept. There are a lot of variables to consider, but I know it’s possible and I know that there ARE men who want healthy, strong relationships as much as we do.

    And you are SO right about the L word thing. It’s never about what they say, but always about what they DO. Some guys fling that word around, others can/do not. It’s just about understanding HIM and mostly, understanding where he is with YOU. A word is nothing without the actions backing it up.

    BW, not trying to minimize what that may or may not mean to you. I know your situation with TH is complex. Just saying -in my opinion- it shouldn’t be a deciding factor. How you feel with him SHOULD though. That’s the part that concerns me. I know he’s not been able to give you that “I can’t stand being without you” feeling consistently and I don’t blame you for questioning what that means to you.

    You are doing amazingly well though. I feel so happy to witness your personal growth and progress. :)

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 8:10am

  357. 357: MissStixNo Gravatar says:

    Calypso

    I have a few friends who do the Body by Vi, and one who does shakeology. They all rave about shakes lol Maybe I should think about it for myself…

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 8:11am

  358. 358: Goddess LilyNo Gravatar says:

    Calypso, what does shakeology taste like?

    I’m doing insanity and I’ve been curious about it.

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 8:11am

  359. 359: MissStixNo Gravatar says:

    mmm after sex sleep…zzzZzzZzzz

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 8:13am

  360. 360: CurvySiren10No Gravatar says:

    Mel- thank you so much for sharing. You are such an amazing & inspiring Siren. Very wise and a shining example for the blog! :)

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 8:13am

  361. 361: MissStixNo Gravatar says:

    Bloom-ing

    I saw the song you posted for ne last night! I didn’t have time to listen and I didn’t want to comment until I heard it. But :D It felt all warm and tingly in my chest, and smiley and I felt loved to know you were thinking about me :)

    I have time so I am going to go listen now!

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 8:15am

  362. 362: BABNo Gravatar says:

    Hey stix!

    Yes that’s exactly it! Don’t get me wrong, i almost always enjoy it, and by that i mean when i am fully awake lol sounds funny i know, but i am a deep sleeper and get up at 545am and he normally comes to bed around 230am-ish because he doesn’t have to get up as early..
    When i am awake, im not as lively as if i had initiated or it was after all day of hanging out together, but i definitely ENJOY lol and i don’t try and hide it.
    His demeanor more recently he has been rolling over and passing out, that is (if he wasn’t sleeping the whole time, this has happened) Before a few months ago. he would pull me on him and make me snuggle.
    I still get that every once and a while now but more often then not he passes out on his back or rolls to his side.
    That’s when the sad feelings roll in and confusion.

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 8:17am

  363. 363: MelNo Gravatar says:

    ((((Curvy Siren))))

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 8:18am

  364. 364: CalypsoNo Gravatar says:

    Shakeology is yummy! I am drinking the Chocolate Vegan and I use Almond Milk as the mixer. They sent me a list of yummy ideas of what to try with it, but I LOVe the way it tstates with the almond milk. I have also tried it with coconut milk, but it was too thick for me like that.

    My youngest son, who leaves for the marine Corp boot camp in 10 days did a lot of research online and decided that Shakeology was the best thing I could drink. He is so sweet – he is worried about leaving his mommy when he goes to boot camp -= he wants me to take good care of myself. I ordered the shakes to make him happy, but now I’m hooked. The probiotics are amazing! I sound like a commercial, but I don’t know anyone who sells this stuff – I ordered it online – it is really working for me!

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 8:19am

  365. 365: bloom-ingNo Gravatar says:

    miss stix, i think i already posted some of the lyrics before but i just really really get smile-y about that song & i feel happy that you are around that area…. i’ve never been but my college boyfriend went & he said he thought it was the city for me lol…. i think it’s too modern, though. maybe i’ll aim for a bit lower down & i’ll come up your way for an urban experience lol : )

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 8:22am

  366. 366: CurvySiren10No Gravatar says:

    Calypso, I am just about to try Shakeology myself so I appreciate the tips. I met a lady at my fiance’s high school reunion last month who sells it and I am really curious about the impact it could have for me. I have lost a lot of weight recently but have been stalled and struggling for a while, so I really want to try something healthy to shake things up a bit. Any other tips/ideas/thoughts would be appreciated!

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 8:23am

  367. 367: TamNo Gravatar says:

    356 – agreed Curvysiren…the biggest challenge is perhaps to stay open when things do not come at us in the way we expected or wanted them to. It’s all about not being able to control another human being, basically…

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 8:23am

  368. 368: MelNo Gravatar says:

    I also wanted to comment on the dating men who are separated/newly divorced comments…

    Mr A has been separated for over 2 years. The custody is all sorted out. The kids are used to the arrangements. He has already moved passed the sewing wild oats phase. The actual divorce papers are in the works (ex claims she doesn’t have the money to file right now).

    And I think, had I taken the stance that he was “unavailable” I would have missed out on a good thing. And had he taken a similar stance (my divorce is only JUST finalized) he would also have missed out on a VERY good thing. ;)

    So, I think these things really come down to the circumstances. Availability is not a black and white thing.

    Just my two cents.

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 8:24am

  369. 369: bloom-ingNo Gravatar says:

    mel, i could just be trxpping, but i think you wrote open italics above ? i don’t know how to do that lol

    i feel so curious about it. i like to see the italics ! they look pretty to me, like fairy whispers : ))

    & also i feel curious if you can “close” them or if i can or if only “rori” can…….. i feel kind of blush-y robust happy girl excited to learn about this lol : ) feels heart-y lol : )))

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 8:24am

  370. 370: Rori RayeNo Gravatar says:

    Fixed the italics. Mel had put i/ instead of /i to close the italicised text. Oops :)

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 8:29am

  371. 371: MelNo Gravatar says:

    bloom-ing

    I did “open them” but I forgot to “close them” and then I broke the blog… LOL

    Must be my playful energy…

    And I tried to “fix” it, but it didn’t work. But someone fixed it… maybe the universe LOL

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 8:33am

  372. 372: CalypsoNo Gravatar says:

    CurvySiren ~ I’m excited to know you will be trying Shakeology too! We can compare notes! Drinking it for breakfast helps set the tone for the rest of my day. I’m more likely to chose healthy lunch and dinner ideas and more likely to go to the gym or at least do stretches at home when I start my day with somethign so healthy.

    I don’t own a scale, so I can’t speak to pounds lost, but I can tell from the way my clothes fit and the way my body feels to my own hands when I am in the shower, that I am getting thinner. I want to lose about 15 pounds and i want to give my body the nutrition it needs to stay young and healthy feeling.

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 8:33am

  373. 373: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    V wants to have a ‘serious’ talk with me. I think it’s one of those “where is this going/can we spend more time together” talks after 3 dates. Granted, they’ve been really spread out dates (i was busy with a class and then i left the country), but it would feel so much better to just have him try to spend time with me and win me over instead of request that i have more feelings for him.

    cuz last night, when he texted me about if i wanna hang out this weekend, and i already have plans this weekend, he said he wanted to get me on the phone and have a serious talk with me. And he said he didn’t want to assume i’m just not into him. and i said it would feel nice to see you, i’m just all booked up. And he said that makes him feel better but he still wants to talk to me.

    and i just feel so turned off.

    i don’t want to be “in trouble” for already having plans. it would feel much better if the man just kept trying, AND TRUSTING THAT I’M NOT BLOWING HIM OFF ESPECIALLY WHEN I SAY I AM NOT BLOWING HIM OFF, instead of telling me how bad i’m making him feel.

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 8:34am

  374. 374: bloom-ingNo Gravatar says:

    ooh rori like magic lol : )) thank you

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 8:35am

  375. 375: bloom-ingNo Gravatar says:

    i had an interesting experience last night. broke down & cried over nothing at all & got so much love for it. went soft instead of hard. went vulnerable instead of defensive. stopped trying to fix it & just sat with the overwhelm. just got soft “babyyyyyyy” cuddles & extra & slow slow & very gentle

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 8:41am

  376. 376: bloom-ingNo Gravatar says:

    lol, mel, aww i feel glad i saw them while they were here……. they really feel special to me to see….. : ))))

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 8:43am

  377. 377: CalypsoNo Gravatar says:

    Ok – I’ve been gushing about eating healthy and now . . . I’m suddenly craving bacon . . . wth? Lol ~

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 8:44am

  378. 378: MelNo Gravatar says:

    Funny story…

    Mr A said he was raving about me to his barber LOL

    And I smiled and said “Oh?”

    And he said yup… I was saying how pretty and sweet and kind and NOT crazy you are!”

    And I felt a little triggered and said “I feel a little curious about the NOT crazy… I feel triggered and defensive even, because I HAVE been called crazy in the past… and I don’t feel terribly crazy… but I do have a mousy-brain… and that could be perceived as crazy.”

    And he said… what makes you NOT crazy is that when you feel angry or sad or “mousy” you TELL me. You don’t just randomly spew anger and I don’t know where it’s coming from. You can tell me about your feelings anytime! I WANT to hear them. I want to hear you and help you. I don’t want to feel tension and weirdness and then a sudden unleashing of anger and blame. MOST women don’t know how to share how they’re feeling in a way that men get… You do.”

    Yay Rori!!!! You rock!! :)

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 8:46am

  379. 379: MissStixNo Gravatar says:

    bloom-ing!

    Never forget Vancouver’s suburbs are tight with the city, very close. A lot of the cities are very old. New west is gorgeous with 100+ year old houses and lots of trees. They put laws in place a few years back that prevent the building of ‘modern style’ homes. They have to adhere to design and material restrictions. North van is another area that’s breathtaking and much less urban.

    Anyways…I’ll stop p!mping my city hehe :D But you’d have a friend if you ever came to visit!

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 8:46am

  380. 380: CalypsoNo Gravatar says:

    Starla – i HEAR YOU! I hate to be told what to do and that goes double for someone telling me what to feel . . . Just be the man and I’ll be the girl and we will see what happens – whew!

    I have tried very hard to help JC understand that I am a very busy woman and when we are together, it will be 100% about us, but when we don’t have plans, I’m likely to be very busy. If he wants to see me, he has to make plans to do so – keep trying.

    Last week he asked me, “So, when will I see you again?” I said, “I guess when you ask me out again . . . ” He looked shocked – “You mean I have to keep asking you out?” Duh . . . we are not married – I’m not going to just move in with him and be waiting at the door when he gets home every day :/ Men . . .

    I’ve known him for 2 weeks!!! “Yes . . . If you want to see me, you have to ask me out!”

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 8:48am

  381. 381: bloom-ingNo Gravatar says:

    OMG miss stix, are there northern lights ? lol….

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 8:49am

  382. 382: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Yayyy Mel
    Yayy Mr. A

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 8:49am

  383. 383: bloom-ingNo Gravatar says:

    aww mel, i feel inspired to keep trying & doing better. thanks for sharing that : )

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 8:50am

  384. 384: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    thank you calypso i feel understood and heard, much love to you:)

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 8:50am

  385. 385: ruthNo Gravatar says:

    Nice one Calypso
    :)

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 8:51am

  386. 386: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    343 Calypso – I feel kind of hopeful reading that. Thank you.
    xxx

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 8:51am

  387. 387: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    Oops that was Curvy Siren! Sorry! :)

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 8:52am

  388. 388: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    356 CurvySiren – Aww thank you! It feels good to read that, and yes it IS complex. Will post again once I’ve caught up. He’s mad at me – again! lol

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 8:56am

  389. 389: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Men! FeelingMan just contacted me on POF (I have unhidden my profile starting yesterday). He was kind of aggressively asking me how my search was going and he noticed I added new pics. He then said he doesn’t like the website, only shallow people.

    It was a massive dig. I feel amused, so how come he noticed straight away that my profile was visible again? So he’s on there straight away but gives me a hard time for being on the website. Red flag. He sounded angry! We
    haven’t even met!
    Don’t like!

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 8:57am

  390. 390: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    “So, when will I see you again?”
    I said, “I guess when you ask me out again . . . ”

    tweak “ooo It would feel so romantic to be asked out”. Reason I prefer this is because depending on the energy behind the other words, it could come across as defensive. Especially if you feel shocked at the question.

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 8:57am

  391. 391: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Oh yes, he also said ‘so you will have a boyfriend when you get to the US’ bla bla. A bit over the top considering he’s on there 24/7…funny!

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 8:59am

  392. 392: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    378 Mel – Awwww you and A are just the sweetest, most perfect couple ever! I love reading your stories because they give me so much hope! :)

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 9:01am

  393. 393: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    What’s great is this stuff with V *was* triggering me a bit, but I was able to let it go for the most part. Like *shrug* what is meant to be will be.

    I live my truth knowing it is righteous and what is best for me. And I don’t want to impose it upon anyone else. But I’m not going to twist and bend away from my truth just to keep someone around.

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 9:05am

  394. 394: MelNo Gravatar says:

    Awwwww! Thanks Butterfly Wings!

    Mr A’s daughter is a natural siren. A few days ago, we all went out for dinner… and there was some weird tension between Mr A and his son and both were super grumpy.

    And it felt awkward and weird. And she came over to me and sat in my lap and we started “dancing” to the music and giggling and making our own fun. Yup… cause that’s what true sirens do… move AWAY from negative energy and create positive energy for themselves. :)

    Needless to say the grumpy-bums soon broke out of it. ;)

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 9:06am

  395. 395: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    Haha my concert was FUN and thank goodness for my dancing buddy! We had the drummer of the band laughing at us (she was impersonating him), and we sang along to all of their old songs (they’ve been around since the 80′s!!).

    So near the end TH texted me, asking me to go to his house after for “cuddles”. I didn’t say I would go, but I also didn’t say I wouldn’t.

    After an hour or so of having several 20 year old guys hitting on me and telling me I looked 25-30 (I’m 40!), I was more than ready to go home. I just wasn’t in the mood for it. I’m old enough to be their MOTHER!! lol

    So I dropped my friend home and felt really tired so texted TH to tell him I was going to go home instead.

    He then replied, saying, “Ok have fun with him”.

    I told him I felt insulted, then reminded him that we are not in a relationship, so it’s up to me to put myself first, and tonight I was going to take myself home and go to bed.

    He was still grumbling about me not going over there three times now this week etc, but must have since gone to bed.

    Hmmm… I think the poor man is feeling a little rejected! ;)

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 9:06am

  396. 396: MissStixNo Gravatar says:

    BAB

    I feel you. I’m glad to hear it’s not bred from “begrudging” sex….

    I believe you can turn that around again! If he was, at one point, snuggly and cuddly then you just gotta draw that out of him again. Easier said than done, I know! lol

    Since I know my way won’t work for everyone…First ask yourself what it is that may be causing him to just roll over. Ask without blame for you or him. Maybe it’s the sleep hormone like femininewoman said. Maybe he just isn’t feeling a pull to have the intimate contact afterwards anymore. When you have it firm in your mind that it’s just a simple problem, that has nothing to do with you, and that it can turn around, but it will take time. Release the negative feelings and keep walking through this with a firm and positive vision.

    Now ask yourself not what you can do, but how you can feel your feelings and what can you radiate out to inspire the pull in him for intimacy. What can you say to him to let him know the intimacy is a need for you.

    Maybe it’s heavy enough that you need to present a feeling message: “I love the midnight sex. But sometimes I feel a little sad afterward if i’m not in a mans arms. It feels a bit lonely.”

    Maybe it’s more simple: After you’re done, “Baby, can you spoon me?” and then “mmmm that’s nice” when he does.

    The latter, more simple option is how I did it.

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 9:07am

  397. 397: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    BW, good giiiirl:) sounds like you’re doing what i would do, which is quit going over there for cuddles at his request until he gives you the commitment you want.

    how funny, he’s like… bootycalling u for hugs.

    rori says in modern siren (i think) that men will often try to get you to just sleep in the same bed cuddling with them, because that’s as good to them as sex.

    screw that!

    i feel proud of you!

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 9:15am

  398. 398: MissStixNo Gravatar says:

    BAB

    Once you figure out things you want to practice, keep practicing at least 2 things a day. Eventually they will become intuitive. Then add 2 more things. Lather. Rinse. Repeat.

    Right now my conscious practices are:

    Letting go of guilt over his anger-I will not be his outlet.
    and

    Taking my own space when I need it- I will not only leave when he wants alone time.
    and

    speaking in my true voice- I only speak after I have taken a breath and i’m sure my words won’t sound uptight. I will also speak when I have something to say. I will not hold my tongue out of shyness or nerves.

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 9:15am

  399. 399: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    397 Starla – it would’ve been s*x too, not just hugs. He just looks at me and he gets excited! lol

    But no I really wasn’t in the mood for it, so I turned him down and he did exactly what Rori said guys would do when we decide to put ourselves first – he grumbled! Haha!

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 9:18am

  400. 400: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    Ok it’s after 2am so I’d probably better sleep. Night beautiful sirens! xxx

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 9:18am

  401. 401: bloom-ingNo Gravatar says:

    oh yummy miss stix i’m loving hearing your personal “rules” for your Relationship : )) that’s so yummy & i feel inspired…….

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 9:22am

  402. 402: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    BW One thought……..

    Him: “Ok have fun with him”.
    BW: hehe or smily face

    I believe that is what I would do to keep the mystery. Though feeling insulted, I kinda get the impression that that would confirm to him that his words/opinion of you matters and maybe that you were offended that he would think you would do something he does not approve of. I dunno, telling him you are not in a relationship could also be a defense and kinda rubbing it in his face. I say that because it reminds me of someone I know who kept telling her husband he had to go outside the r/ship to get s!ex. When he did she was furious because he admitted it when confronted. Though I know you have said you don’t care which way things go, until you a definitively sure you don’t want him, I encourage you to at least think about dropping those reminders. Hope I didn’t step on your toes but I have seen so many men eventually act on women’s words and the women end up acting as if they are stunned.

    Overall though I believe you are doing very well.

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 9:25am

  403. 403: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Yay Mel it feels awesome hearing your scripts… So inspiring and helpful for when I feel triggered and defensive

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 9:26am

  404. 404: bloom-ingNo Gravatar says:

    i feel “oh, oh my gosh” giggly so excited thrilled lol

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 9:28am

  405. 405: MissStixNo Gravatar says:

    Bloom-ing

    :)

    I envision you with a crown of flowers today. You are so beautiful, and I feel you as a pixie. Cute and happy but also mischievous and sometimes arms crossed and a little grumpy scrunch face :)

    I felt really special to receive that song from you.

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 9:31am

  406. 406: MissStixNo Gravatar says:

    BW

    Go you!

    And good night :) <3

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 9:35am

  407. 407: bloom-ingNo Gravatar says:

    aww thanks, miss stix : ) i’m going to picture myself that way too lol : )

    those pictures you took give me the same misty-sky goddess world feelings as what daria posted…. i feel very moved to see them : )

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 9:40am

  408. 408: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    my heart feels lit up. Strummingman has emailed me already asking when would be good to meet again.

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 9:42am

  409. 409: MelNo Gravatar says:

    I love, love love being a “feelingy-type beast”

    I honestly think it mystifies him. He asked me the other day… “What does it feel like for a girl to be… um… amorous?”

    Lately he has been asking for descriptions. He eats them all up. ;)

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 9:47am

  410. 410: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    “BW: hehe or smily face

    I believe that is what I would do to keep the mystery.”

    This is dangerously flirting with game-playing territory. i think saying you’re gonna take care of yourself is much sexier and more mysterious than hinting that perhaps youre going out with another man at that time (because it’s not true).

    On the other hand, if she actually were going out with anothe rguy at the moment, then that would have been the perfect response:)

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 9:47am

  411. 411: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Wow! I feel so excited to see how happening the blog is today.

    Good luck on your interview today, Radlove!

    Last night felt really intense and full of emotion. I was already feeling triggered by what I had posted yesterday and then we were supposed to go out because we have a lot of friends in town right now, but I was feeling tired and not really up to it. He was still feeling motivated to go because he had already made plans to connect with some people he hadn’t seen in a while. I felt kinda sad, unimportant, and left out. When he left it felt tense and I was feeling really down.

    Then later he tried to call but I didn’t answer because I was feeling…um, bitter, I guess.

    So he texted this…

    Baby, I really love u!  I’m sorry you are sad.  I’m sorry I had something to contribute to that.  I am just feeling a bit overwhelmed with ur emotions.  I am really trying.  In sorry if I seemed insensitive earlier.  U are the most important thing in the world to me.  I hope u know and feel that.  

    And then he came home and was so sweet and I dunno, I’ve just been feeling so emotional, I don’t quite know what to think anymore. Telling you all that story just brought up a lot of emotions. Feeling really sensitive and vulnerable in general lately.

    Hugs to me and my emotions.

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 9:51am

  412. 412: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Hugs to my vulnerable heart.

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 9:53am

  413. 413: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    wow, lg, all the times i felt overwhelmed and sensitive and hair-trigger-y, that would have been the PERFECT thing to say to me.

    yay for him

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 9:53am

  414. 414: MelNo Gravatar says:

    Hey Starla,

    I am feeling a super electric energy emanating from you…

    (((LG’s emotions)))

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 9:55am

  415. 415: bloom-ingNo Gravatar says:

    yeah, lg, me too – what starla said

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 9:56am

  416. 416: MelNo Gravatar says:

    403 @ Daria You have to be like the BEST in-the-moment FM-er ever! When we did that coaching call a while back and we role-played and I was the “guy”, I felt all amazed about how good it felt to be on the receiving end of “Oh baby that feels bad…” I really learned a lot from you! :)

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 10:01am

  417. 417: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks ladies. It felt really sweet to me too. I just feel kind of confused. I feel afraid of being stupid and blind but I do really trust him and my intuition is telling me that he is being sincere. I just don’t want to make a mistake.

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 10:02am

  418. 418: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    You can’t be stupid LG

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 10:04am

  419. 419: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    I really feel so much appreciation for all of you!

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 10:05am

  420. 420: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Aww Mel I’m smiling and giggling right now :). That feels so goooood :) Thank you!

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 10:06am

  421. 421: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Starla maybe I am dangerous and flirtatious. I love that part of me. Now that I think about it guys tend to call me a teaser.

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 10:07am

  422. 422: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    (((((((LG)))))))

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 10:07am

  423. 423: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    hhmm I feel good thinking of myself as dangerously flirtatious. I never noticed that before.

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 10:09am

  424. 424: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    hah mel i hope super electric is a good thing?

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 10:09am

  425. 425: bloom-ingNo Gravatar says:

    femininewoman, i feel all warm & thick hearing that you are dangerous : )) that sounds wonderful…. & interesting to me…. i feel more open to embracing my dark goddess energy….

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 10:10am

  426. 426: MelNo Gravatar says:

    Oh yes! Like an electromagnet!

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 10:11am

  427. 427: bloom-ingNo Gravatar says:

    now i’m picturing a dancer moving her body with a strong trunk & strong roots — & her body makes a moving, dark peace with the light of the open space that allows her dance

    hehe yum : )

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 10:12am

  428. 428: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Smile, I feel curious how the strummingman story pans out… :)

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 10:14am

  429. 429: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    421 fw i like thinking of you this way too hehe
    i meant flirting WITH game playing. like, toying with it.

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 10:14am

  430. 430: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    RE 427 sounds so sensual bloom-ing

    slow moving dance

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 10:15am

  431. 431: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Bloom-ing, have you ever read Another Roadside Attraction by Tom Robbins?

    I’m into it 100 pages. It’s a book about you. Or at least, about one of your personas

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 10:15am

  432. 432: bloom-ingNo Gravatar says:

    & actually, miss stix, i feel inspired to dress like a pixie wherever i end up tonight : )) feel excited

    & april rose ? i think you bought the linen dress……. feel excited to read about it : ) i have been combating my “save it” instinct & wearing all my fancy dress & all my “silly” clothes or jewelry or makeup whenever i’m in the mood. even if i just come home from work & put on an old prom dress : ) lol

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 10:18am

  433. 433: TamNo Gravatar says:

    I don’t know what is happening, today all the men I am NOT interested in are stepping forward in somewhat aggressive fashion.
    I feel amused and also a little disappointed. Another one (an Australian only here for a few more days) wants to meet me for a 2nd date, and because I did not email him back within 3 hours, he started saying ‘oh, well, if you don’t want to meet then I need to know now as I am changing my plans to meet you bla bla’ – it was aggressive really as the proposed meeting is in 2 1/2 weeks and anyway, he is on his way back to Australia so not sure what, apart from practice, this is going to achieve.
    Then one other guy, a German living in Florida, is always commenting on my fb posts, and we had a couple of dates here and he is a nice guy but I am soooo NOT attracted to him and he still has baby mama drama going on and a young child and it’s a double whammy…I am not attracted/interested AND he has drama/children etc.
    But he is super keen.
    Bald CD also wants to meet even though he knows I am leaving soon and it’s a no-hope for anything to develop.
    I feel sad that the men that are keen on me are either from the other side of the world or just not a good match. Exasperated.

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 10:19am

  434. 434: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    I know Starla. I guess I have no problem toying with he who toys with me. Especially when I am sure that I don’t want him.

    Though I feel open to toying with game playing ____
    ______flirting_____ in the bedroom. But that is me. Sometimes I break the mold. hehe

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 10:20am

  435. 435: bloom-ingNo Gravatar says:

    ooooh starla : ) i’ve only read jitterbug perfume by tom robbins & that was perfectly magical. i think of those stories……. very often…… oh i do think i will look to see if i can’t find it today ! was just planning a little mini-excursion that will take me by a nice used books store : )

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 10:21am

  436. 436: CurvySiren10No Gravatar says:

    395 BW- you did perfect and I’m so proud of you for putting yourself first and yes, creating mystery with TH. You said just the right things in my opinion. He has to learn that without commitment, you are free to do whatever you’d like with no explanation needed. He will either step up…or not. Either way, you are SO on the right track here. I feel the shift in your vibe big time.

    (((LG))). Just sending hugs.

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 10:23am

  437. 437: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    CurvySiren – Well said, “without commitment, you are free to do whatever you’d like “.

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 10:24am

  438. 438: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    Tam – just enjoy the attention. And try to be open. I was into Manboy but now I’ve forgotten all about him…At some point you’re going to have to make some real strides to Get Over Mr.P . I left FB and it helped. This Mr.P can’t row the boat right now…:(

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 10:27am

  439. 439: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    okay or if you can’t find it, you can read my copy when i’m done with it

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 10:28am

  440. 440: bloom-ingNo Gravatar says:

    : ))

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 10:33am

  441. 441: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    # 397 – Starla – cuddling is as good to a guy as sex? Rori said that? Sorry but that sounds absurd.
    I’m pretty sure most men will disagree with you.

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 10:36am

  442. 442: TamNo Gravatar says:

    438..Heart, yep that’s it in a nutshell..I m happy for the attention, I guess although I feel it is ‘not real’ as 3/4 of the guys are not even available because of the distance. Oh well.
    But yes, MrP is not rowing right now, and even if he starts rowing when I am back there, I feel wary…very wary. He will do the bare minimum and I feel it’s just not enough for me anymore.

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 10:36am

  443. 443: TamNo Gravatar says:

    441, I agree with Heart..they will take what they can get but I never had a man lying next to me saying ‘oh love, I’d rather just cuddle’….hmm. Even when they said ‘just cuddling and sleeping next to each other is fine’, they still tried for more..haha!! ;)

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 10:38am

  444. 444: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    rori said it in a they’ll take what they can get sort of way

    not even just to push the issue once you’re there.

    she says something like “the warm female body next to them at night is gratifying as sex IN ITS OWN WAY”

    like f*ck buddies, some guys will try to make you into a cuddle buddy. Warrior has been trying to make me into a cuddle buddy. lol

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 10:40am

  445. 445: bloom-ingNo Gravatar says:

    i know the most Bro-y dude at work… he told me he took a girl home & felt SO upset because she didn’t want to cuddle. he said he cried after she left & the next day he adopted a kitten.

    i’m just saying, men need cuddles too lol

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 10:43am

  446. 446: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    Tam 433-

    Have you been working the magnet tool lol!

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 10:44am

  447. 447: TamNo Gravatar says:

    ooh, I’d love to be a cuddle buddy :)

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 10:44am

  448. 448: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    I agree with Rori. I have had guys say it is not about the sex. They are so fascinated by femininity and our beautiful bodies. I get the sense from some that just looking at it they get a sort of high.

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 10:47am

  449. 449: MissStixNo Gravatar says:

    About the cuddling thing…

    I’d say for some men it is better than nothing. They’d rather have a body next to them than no one at all. But as for it being “just as good”…Not buying.

    Men are all different anyways. Some men do not have a high sex drive. Some do.

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 10:48am

  450. 450: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks dominique, I picked this up of a recent post you wrote to someone else.

    It’s helping me keep my sanity.

    You get a man to want to be with you by continuing your own healing process, by loving on yourself, by having a full, fun life apart from him friends, hobbies, anything which arouses your passions.

    Let him lead for now, i.e. limit initiating contact, and when he does, you melt all over the place, especially when he initiates any physical contact, hugs, kisses. Even over the phone, this energy is felt.

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 10:49am

  451. 451: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    I have a bro at work who told me he wanted company so he allowed a woman to sleep in his bed even though he felt turned off after hearing the number the men she had had se!x with.

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 10:49am

  452. 452: TamNo Gravatar says:

    FW, I have had guys say that too, and afterwards admit it was just something to say to get a woman into their bed, i e to put less pressure on her.
    They did not push for sex, but would have preferred it to cuddling or just looking. Men are men after all ;)
    Nothing wrong with that…
    Like Starla says, they will take what they can get..because we are just so delicious.. :)

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 10:50am

  453. 453: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    But for now…

    My hair is curled, I feel like a magnet. Now off out to see what I can attract 

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 10:50am

  454. 454: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Mike Fiore has a secret survey out. I wonder if they addressed it there and I wonder what the guys said? hhhmm

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 10:51am

  455. 455: bloom-ingNo Gravatar says:

    i just don’t want to feel “frumpy”

    but maybe i can just be my own kind of “frumpy” & when i feel that way, think of it as sexy too : ) lol i’m thinking “hot mess” but kind of the opposite. “hobo chic” i think that’s an actual thing. what is it people say ???? um… oh “shabby-chic” is a thing lol….. yeah, i’m not frumpy, i’m shabby-chic lol lemme go find a picture that looks like what i want… oh i feel good & better thanks

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 10:51am

  456. 456: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    I feel flirty and have been practising my smile.

    Gonna try the 5 second eye contact tool.

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 10:52am

  457. 457: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    Actually I feel nervous with 5 so gonna try 2-3 and work my way up. 5 feels a but like starring when it’s new.

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 10:53am

  458. 458: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    What I’m trying to say about “just as good” isn’t about comparison for comparison’s sake, and I feel a little amused that the conversation turned into that.

    The point is that it needs to be part of our boundaries. It’s about them getting something from us without giving us what we really want in return. We think that because we’re not having sex with them, that it’s okay, but the fact is that even cuddling/sleeping next to each other is enough gratification for a man to 1. stall them in the commitment area and 2. leave us feeling insecure/shaky

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 10:56am

  459. 459: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    455 bloom-ing, you have such a naturally pretty face and nice skin, maybe you could just put on some bold-ish lipstick, like a red maybe? when you’re doing the “frumpy” thing, and it would trick people into thinking you’re actually all ‘dressed up’ in a look:)

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 10:57am

  460. 460: bloom-ingNo Gravatar says:

    starla, i hear you. plus, i think for women “just cuddling” can be a Bigger “emotional trap” because if a guy offers that, then the assumption is “oh, it’s More Than Sxx for him” & then it could become “proof” that there is “something there”….

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 10:58am

  461. 461: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    actually i think it would make you look like a supermodel. red lipstick and ‘frumpy’ everything else. eat your heart out, Versace!

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 11:04am

  462. 462: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    #448 – FW – those men were probably Lying or Lesbians. Men love love love love actually Just having sex. That high you mentioned is called Being Aroused. Men like Sex more than Cuddling. Ask any guy. I’m questioning your sanity..lol!

    #444 – Starla – I think Rori said – Men like having someone in the bed to sleep with….She didn’t say they liked that more than sex though…

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 11:06am

  463. 463: bloom-ingNo Gravatar says:

    thanks, starla : ) i get so scared…. lol i even just tried to explain it or think about it & i freaked myself out lol…. oh well

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 11:06am

  464. 464: MelNo Gravatar says:

    Re: cuddling

    Agreed! Most guys will do what it takes to get close to a woman in a sleeping-y way…. Hoping it will “go there”

    Mr A even tried this…. I told him I felt uncomfortable about any bedroom activities unless I knew a man was not dating others.

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 11:08am

  465. 465: MissStixNo Gravatar says:

    Starla

    I hear you fully.

    I think the difference is in the relationship itself as well.

    Where i’m at with myself, and where my relationship is at with G, it’s a lot different. I don’t worry at all anymore if something is gratifying him or what it means, or what effect it will have on the relationship or his level of comittment. I am already receiving the highest level of comittment I require at this time in my life. Cuddling has become just another level of our intimacy.

    However, when he grumbles about me sleeping at home and how he would rather have me there I don’t give into that. I sleep at home when I feel like it. I give him an “awww baby you’ll live” and a smile and go about my business.

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 11:10am

  466. 466: baby stepsNo Gravatar says:

    331 Mel – thank you, thank you, thank you. Your advice is something that i will start practicing today :)

    Thank you so much. As I shared earlier, I am worried about phrasing of FM and how it comes across to him. It’s also difficult to be authentic when things are generally negative.

    I always worry that I’m making things worse :) practicing on myself is the best.

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 11:12am

  467. 467: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    ok now my words are getting twisted and to be honest it really frustrates me.

    i did NOT say men like it more than sex.

    i don’t want words put in my mouth. it doesn’t feel fun for me to have a conversation when that happens!

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 11:12am

  468. 468: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    blah, i quit. new topic. and if someone tries to argue with me about something i didn’t actually say, i’ll quit that topic too, lol

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 11:13am

  469. 469: Goddess LilyNo Gravatar says:

    I have a concern about feeling messages. What if you’ve already been called emotionally draining? How do feeling messages then play out?

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 11:16am

  470. 470: baby stepsNo Gravatar says:

    dear sirens, has anyone ever had a guy snap back at them saying that it’s always about how you feel, that he is sick of all the ” I feel ” messages, that you only love yourself as its always about you?

    I had this happening to me in a previous relationship.

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 11:16am

  471. 471: MelNo Gravatar says:

    And I also agree with Starla (Rori) that men do get something out of cuddling too.

    I mean… who wouldn’t want to just BE around a siren… and what better way to do that…lay beside her warm beautiful inviting body and just breathe in her essence….

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 11:17am

  472. 472: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    470 baby steps

    yes this has happened to me and i wish i had handled it differently when they said it! If i could have a do-over I would have said

    “ohhh i’m sorry to hear the way i’ve been communicating is not making you feel good. to be honest, i try to just focus on how i feel because i really really don’t want to fall into a trap of ‘blaming’ where i say “you did this and you did that.” It feels important to me to be able to express how I’m feeling, and your feelings are also really important to me… what do you think would be a better way to communicate so that i can still feel open with you?”

    something like that

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 11:19am

  473. 473: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:

    Mel,

    Hi! I am wondering how long you have been with mr A and how long you have known the kids and if you had challenges with the kids and if so how it was handled? I feel curious because of my own situation.

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 11:19am

  474. 474: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    also goddess lily, i stopped having this problem when my positive feeling messages far outweighed my negative ones. I mean, like 20 to 1 or better.

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 11:20am

  475. 475: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:

    Mmmm… I feel curious about the cuddling only. It seems weird to me.

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 11:22am

  476. 476: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    miss stix,
    btw your ‘arguments’ are totally sound and i get what you’re saying

    my being frustrated about my words being misinterpreted can’t take anything away from that!

    and hearing your perspective itself feels pretty interesting. thanks for sharing!

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 11:22am

  477. 477: MissStixNo Gravatar says:

    Goddess Lily

    If you have been called “emotionally draining” it probably means your FM’s are coming from a place of worry, anxiety, frustration and/or fear. They may be overwhelming and bombarding at that point. They have possibly become a “means to an end” rather than a sharing experience.

    “See me see me see me”

    instead of

    “this is me.”

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 11:23am

  478. 478: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Ooo Mel I just read your post about bees and honey and I felt my heart jumping up and down fluttering with excitement

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 11:23am

  479. 479: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    Starla – ok you said not more than sex but as much as sex (as good as #397) …
    I feel irritated.
    I feel disgusted.
    I feel attacked.
    Ick

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 11:23am

  480. 480: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    i think my last comment was supposed to be for heart, not miss stix

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 11:26am

  481. 481: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    sorry u feel bad, heart. i really don’t do well when anyone stretches my words to prove their point. it robs me of my intellectual integrity and i take it pretty seriously and generally just shut down and stop participating in the conversation.

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 11:27am

  482. 482: MissStixNo Gravatar says:

    Starla :)

    Thanks, and not even really arguing . Which I think you see(hence your quotation marks I suppose).

    I do get what your saying. Especially if the guy is a CD and new etc. Giving into requests to “come and cuddle” even without sex can seem “safe” but may not be. Because it IS their own physical and emotional gratification. Cuddling is great! Not necessarily as a response to a request though…

    Understanding that is important!

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 11:28am

  483. 483: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    miss stix, i totally mixed your comments up with heart’s.

    i’m all over the place, i think i’m huuuungry

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 11:30am

  484. 484: MissStixNo Gravatar says:

    oh lol :)

    Stand by my words even if your post was meant for heart.

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 11:30am

  485. 485: MelNo Gravatar says:

    baby steps, Goddess Lily,

    When I do express negative FMs aloud, I always try to do it without expectation of something he should DO about it. I take hand that responsibility over to myself.

    I usually try to say something like:

    I feel angry and it would feel better to move right now…I am going to go for a walk to clear my head.

    I feel needy and attention-starved and I don’t want to feel that way… I feel like visiting with my best friend might help me feel better.

    I will sometimes say “I feel sad.” It’s harder though, because there’s often some silent expectation there… hoping for him to ask “Why?” So if I feel expectant, I choose to just say it to myself and ask myself “why?” and “what can we do about this?”

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 11:31am

  486. 486: MelNo Gravatar says:

    having trouble typing today… lol

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 11:34am

  487. 487: MissStixNo Gravatar says:

    Mel, Starla

    Great words on FM’s!

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 11:37am

  488. 488: MissStixNo Gravatar says:

    <3 this mel!

    "…if I feel expectant, I choose to just say it to myself and ask myself “why?” and “what can we do about this?”".

    Something to file away for future referrence.

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 11:43am

  489. 489: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    #481 – Starla …It’s clear you have Zero Integrity. You just feel Bad about what you wrote and want to Blame me for it. Hence your total Over-reaction.
    Talk about Overkill!
    Your post is there for everyone to see! #397 ! I did not stretch your words. I just responded to it.
    You make those kinds of statements and People will respond! This is a Comment Section.
    I didn’t feel bad – I felt attacked…but now I just feel nauseated by this whole thing.

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 11:43am

  490. 490: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    Everyone needs to take a chill pill.

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 11:56am

  491. 491: MissStixNo Gravatar says:

    Emerson

    lol

    I didn’t want to be the first to post!

    *peeks around the corner*

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 12:00pm

  492. 492: RebeccaNo Gravatar says:

    I have to chip in to the ‘cuddling v sex’ debate.

    Lol, I think everyman I’ve ever known has secretly loved cuddling as much as sex… cuddling is hot..

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 12:01pm

  493. 493: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    yummy chill pills

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 12:03pm

  494. 494: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    Miss stix :-)

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 12:04pm

  495. 495: MelNo Gravatar says:

    Siren Angel,

    Mr A’s kids had been “adjusted” to the separation (as well as is possible to really “adjust” from such a traumatic experience) for almost two years before I even met their father.

    We dated for almost 4 months before I met the kids.

    They seemed to accept me from the start, though of course there have been learning experiences for all.

    I let him do ALL of the discipline (though sometimes it’s hard because I have a professional background that gives me some “knowledge” on the subject…) And I never offer any parenting advice unless asked for.

    I prefer to be just a positive influence, a fun person, a good example, a supportive adult to these children. Perhaps because I have not tried to “parent” them, I haven’t encountered much resistance.

    It’s likely easier to take that stance because I do not have my own children.

    I feel a little hesitant to post this, because I am not suggesting you did anything wrong, or “caused” his children to dislike you in any way. Just that perhaps they weren’t ready to accept someone new in their lives. And it would have been the same for any woman.

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 12:06pm

  496. 496: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    heart,
    daaaang, girl. you’re like REALLY good at the [zip zap wham bam thank you maam cut you down with a single blow] come-backs. Like, “don’t f*ck with me, cuz i can invalidate you in a single comment.” That’s an awesome skill. Where did you develop it? I’m actually pretty notorious for this (but Rori has intervened with me a few times to kinda tell me to knock it off and suggest it indicates some deeper issue, and then i usually feel pretty deeply misunderstood and shamed, ack!). I got picked on hardcore growing up so I think that’s where I developed it. But I was a brainiac child so most of my comments went over kids’ heads. Worked great for me in politics, though. But the ‘struggle’ of politics felt super unhealthy and now I work in a different field entirely.

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 12:09pm

  497. 497: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    Chill pill chocolate chip cookies

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 12:17pm

  498. 498: MelNo Gravatar says:

    Mmmm! Emerson, I could use one of those!

    So deliciously chill!

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 12:18pm

  499. 499: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    I’m detoxing from bread

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 12:20pm

  500. 500: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    I’ve had huge urges to reach out to recycled. I don’t know what to say or how to resolve it but I feel curious about my tendency to “write people off”
    Maybe I should not write him off or maybe I’m just feeling piney I don’t know
    I actually feel ashamed and guilty

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 12:22pm

  501. 501: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Emerson, he can always reach out to YOU first (and he should). That’s when you can worry about whether or not to write him off.

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 12:29pm

  502. 502: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:

    Mel,
    I believe it makes a big difference that they had already adjusted… And how long have you known the kids? M’s were fine the 1st year! So I am curious.

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 12:38pm

  503. 503: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    501 thanks Starla .
    The thing is I told him via text i feel uncomfortable continuing with the friendship and I have not heard back since.

    I guess i got what inasked for he honored it and left me alone. Maybe i was not being authentic and waanted him to fight for me.I was disappointed with his lack of “being there” for me to help me and I was also wanting more from him so why do I feel such a need for “closure”??
    I feel weird

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 12:44pm

  504. 504: Dancing SirenNo Gravatar says:

    Hello,

    I am still feeling grumpy!

    Dominique.

    Thanks for your reply, it was exactly what I needed to hear.

    xoxox

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 12:44pm

  505. 505: AnnieNo Gravatar says:

    Lilibee, “The mom encourages that behaviour coz she felt he neglected both of them while they were together.”

    “The mum encourages that behavior is a judgment and projection by whoever is saying those words.”

    ” she felt neglected” did she say this?
    If she did I personally would be paying attention to those words.
    If he hasn’t moved forward I would put money on that the next women he gets involved with with will also feel like this eventually.
    As he will be attracted to and attract the same story to repeat over again, just like we do if we don’t do the work.

    Rinse and repeat.

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 12:44pm

  506. 506: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Emerson,
    You were pretty ‘hooked’ on him and it’s just gonna take time to feel better again.
    love to you

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 12:46pm

  507. 507: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Gluten-free chill pill pie

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 12:56pm

  508. 508: bloom-ingNo Gravatar says:

    lol you girls are making me giggle : )

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 1:06pm

  509. 509: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Emerson that reminds me. I have been detoxing from wheat, sugar and corn for months now. Yesterday I wore a skirt that was slightly big. When I went out to lunch right in front of the building the next thing I knew was that my skirt was falling down to my knees. I barely caught it before it fell to my ankles. A guy walkong by said “well yeah”. It was a good thing I have a habit of wearing shorts. Totally unexpected. You should have seen me talking to myself about the surprise and walking as if nothing happened.

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 1:07pm

  510. 510: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    i noticed my tongue isn’t scalloped or at all white when i avoid dairy and gluten

    and meat

    and it makes me wonder if i should go vegan.

    but it would feel scary to alienate myself so much from everyone i know

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 1:08pm

  511. 511: MelNo Gravatar says:

    Siren Angel,

    I have known the kids now for 9 months. Their mother is also with someone else, and has been for quite some time. That might make a difference too.

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 1:10pm

  512. 512: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    wow fw i feel captivated reading that story about your skirt… ((((((((wardrobe malfunctions))))))))

    all summer long my clothes have been malfunctioning. but ONLY while on dates. son of a….

    they’ve all gotten a glimpse of my bum and my boobs. lucky them i guess.

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 1:11pm

  513. 513: MissStixNo Gravatar says:

    Chill pillsicle

    mmm ice creamy chilling-filling.

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 1:12pm

  514. 514: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    James Bauer of Melt His Heart (his wisdom)

    Avoid tart words respond instead with honey. You catch more bees with honey.

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 1:13pm

  515. 515: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    *soy/rice/or coconut milk based ice-creamy chilling filling with stevia sweetener?

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 1:13pm

  516. 516: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    More James Bauer wisdom. Stop yourself from reacting defensively and trying to come up with a zinger to one-up him if you want to melt his heart. With every action there is a reaction. Stop the contempt and personal attacks.

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 1:18pm

  517. 517: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Re 512. Hehe

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 1:20pm

  518. 518: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    “Stop yourself from reacting defensively and trying to come up with a zinger to one-up him if you want to melt his heart. With every action there is a reaction. Stop the contempt and personal attacks.”

    save it for politics :D

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 1:20pm

  519. 519: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Ok so now I’m gonna learn to be a wolf

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 1:26pm

  520. 520: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:

    Mel! Oh yes, that would make a world of difference for M’s kids because they feel sorry for her that she is alone. Thank you for sharing Mel :-)

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 1:28pm

  521. 521: SassyNo Gravatar says:

    Radlove,

    Have you ever looked at elance? You can bid on jobs there.
    I realize you don’t want to stay in your technical writing career, but this might help supplement your income while your mom stays with you. You are able to work at home. It may help you to start the other business you’ve been thinking about.
    Just a suggestion…

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 1:31pm

  522. 522: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Daria?? You are so funny

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 1:33pm

  523. 523: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    ((((((Daria))))))

    Daria you’re awesome! I feel pleased to know you. I feel so good around you. I feel hypnotized by your movement your breath your voice and words.

    You are the one for me. I want to be w u and worship you all my life and even after my spirit will worship you. Your existence is what gives me life , joy, peace, pleasure in being.

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 1:35pm

  524. 524: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Femininewoman – hehe I feel smily. But I was serious tho.

    Wolf clan. white wolf came to me big time tonite.

    Sigh.

    It’s that time

    I feel nervous

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 1:37pm

  525. 525: bloom-ingNo Gravatar says:

    FREAKING OUT but it’s ok…

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 1:39pm

  526. 526: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    I’m wondering if I did intend humor by saying that prefaced w the ‘ok’ and not in tune w topic. I do that sometimes I notice.

    Hmm

    I feel curious about this

    I feel ashamed.

    Hmm

    I feel glad I’m looking at this.

    Right on Femininewoman, thank you

    Blind spot

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 1:39pm

  527. 527: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Warrior told me today that I’m a lot of fun to be around

    I said aww i feel all lit up hearing that nice compliment, thank you!

    *encourages men*

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 1:45pm

  528. 528: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    How would you describe the wolf’s howl??

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 1:45pm

  529. 529: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    w00t, I’ve been so distracted learning japanese and training and all that, that i’ve not been working on my translation website

    but I just finished Bloom-ing’s request:)

    And now I’m gonna get it published to the internet.

    working on my site feels soooo satisfying. i forget all about my little guy problems and whatnot, and just feel turned on to myself.

    thanks for the nice song request, too.

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 1:47pm

  530. 530: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Guess this is why I had that big trauma w getting chased by the sheep hearders dog on the mountain when I was little

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 1:48pm

  531. 531: bloom-ingNo Gravatar says:

    “i’m not josie grossie anymore !!!” lol

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 1:51pm

  532. 532: bloom-ingNo Gravatar says:

    YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYY Starla !

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 1:53pm

  533. 533: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    (((Blooming))). I feel curious

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 1:59pm

  534. 534: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Howl huh … Hmm … Passionate heartfelt

    I howl when I cry and I whoop when I feel joy

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 2:01pm

  535. 535: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Blooming: I feel so confused because you describe yourself as frumpy but when I see your pictures, you look anything but frumpy to me. I think you just have a natural beauty and style. You could probably pull off just about any look as long as you’re having fun with it.

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 2:05pm

  536. 536: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Happy Birthday, Lillybelly!

    Love you so much, woman.

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 2:08pm

  537. 537: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    I’m feeling good remembering a powerful point I made about how judging urban street wear for sagging pants for example is arbitrary and one could just as well judge men in suits for wearing ribbons around their neck (ties).

    Oh that was well said and irrefutable

    To the person who would be ‘logical’

    I want to be clear and powerful and truthful and feel good.

    I want the treasure under what makes me feel good about this incident.

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 2:08pm

  538. 538: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Oh! happy birthday Lilybelly I feel excited hearing it’s your birthday!

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 2:10pm

  539. 539: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:

    Sirens,

    I am feeling so lost today… I face the thought of putting M behind me for good with a lot of sadness in my heart. I really feel so torn. I have no idea where to start to inspire him and the kids to want to be with me again when I don’t even see them.

    I feel horribly lost…

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 2:25pm

  540. 540: bloom-ingNo Gravatar says:

    thank you, laughing goddess…………

    & what you wrote to me the other day is still knocking around in my head…… thank you : )

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 2:32pm

  541. 541: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    First bear came, but I didn’t notice. Then otter mermaid came . Now wolf. I know this road this is the way of the dead.

    Fox is next

    First there was brad tree

    They say I can die if I want to. I asked cuz I felt scared.

    Whef

    But I want to live and make love to sexy men w blood that’s not like mine and make super babies

    I’ll settle forthe less amazing ones?

    I don’t have to settle.

    I hmmm

    I crave that blood?

    My blood is excellent

    I crave mating I do want to mix blood w those of diff experience so we can sow rainbow over Earth again

    I want him. He must find me unbelievable if I’m this attracted just to the yin seed of his yang

    I must be huge

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 2:51pm

  542. 542: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    After bear came bison

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 2:55pm

  543. 543: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    I am clearly Not gona die. Just learning to better communicate.

    Feeling sleepy feeling scared honored awed. ‘entranced’

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 2:58pm

  544. 544: bloom-ingNo Gravatar says:

    otter mermaid, daria ???

    (river otter – tree – lynx ? that’s like a wolf kind of……….

    i’m feeling so dizzy intrigued

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 3:01pm

  545. 545: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    402 Thanks FW – The reminder was really just my way of telling him that until he was prepared to offer me more, then I was totally looking after me first, and he had to just deal with it because of the choice he made.

    Obviously I didn’t say it like THAT though! Haha! ;)

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 3:01pm

  546. 546: bloom-ingNo Gravatar says:

    i missed the bear, but i saw the bison

    what are you talking about ??

    i feel like you’re telling me my dreams

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 3:02pm

  547. 547: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    406 MissStix – and good morning to you! :)

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 3:02pm

  548. 548: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    ‘A leader is a powerful follower’.~ Daria

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 3:02pm

  549. 549: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Blooming: s

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 3:02pm

  550. 550: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Blooming: Sorry if that came across as a little harsh or preaching to the choir :-/

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 3:03pm

  551. 551: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    410 Starla – I did mention to him afterwards that if I had met another man, I would tell him due to the fact that I want to be honest with him. Just as I would expect him to tell me if he met somebody else.

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 3:04pm

  552. 552: bloom-ingNo Gravatar says:

    no, laughing goddess… but i do find myself turning into walls a lot trying to navigate the labyrinth lol : )

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 3:05pm

  553. 553: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    411 LG – Oh he sounds sweet! Is he usually like that?

    Are you hormonal right now?

    Another thing I told TH last night was that I was feeling down emotionally and I really didn’t want to be around him while I’m feeling like that, because I know it overwhelms him too.

    xxx

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 3:06pm

  554. 554: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    BW: Yes, I am super hormonal and he is usually like that. He does have moments of being short with me but he catches himself and comes around quickly.

    That sounds like an awesome way to take responsibilty for your emotions and not put them off on him. Very sexy!

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 3:10pm

  555. 555: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Blooming on the way to the other world the animal spirits show up to guide. Its in a song for dead people a very old old one They’ve been showing up for me either lots of pictures and mentions and just getting in my consciousness

    This is cuz I’m opening to spirit world it doesn’t mean I will die. Bit I would help the dead person spirit to go to spirit world.

    I drank the pine syrup too there’s pines and rivers that we cross on … Mmm scarves? Cloth

    I know otter wolf and fox is the last one to come

    Before otter I had a bear week where ppl kept telling me stories about bears and now realizing I saved hella bear pictures now. Then also bison and buffalo showed up

    Then otter and the mermaid

    Now White wolf back to back facebook posts of white wolves from sources far apart my American native girl from north and people from here and lots mode wolf stuff too

    I feel scared and powerful and honored

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 3:10pm

  556. 556: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    436 CurvySiren – I was trying to say that because I’m not in a relationship, it is up to me to take care of myself because there’s nobody else I can rely on for that.

    I know he’s still “there” but while we’re not in a relationship, I want him to know that my expectations of him and my need to have him around are practically zero! lol

    I think I got my message across!

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 3:13pm

  557. 557: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    444 – Yep I remember in one or Rori’s programs it says to never become the girl who goes over there for just cuddles, unless you’re in a relationship. Something like that.

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 3:15pm

  558. 558: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    509 FW – OMG! The image I have in my mind of this really made me laugh! :D

    The detox is obviously bringing some benefits though!

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 3:26pm

  559. 559: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    539 (((Siren Angel))) – I don’t know what to say to you because I know this is really tough on you. It WILL get better (with him or without), but that will take some time.

    Do you have plans for this weekend that could take your mind off him? It will really help you a lot if you do – it did for me when TH and I “broke up”.

    If you have your son for the weekend, you could always take him somewhere fun for the day – just something to move your focus.

    I found that putting all of my focus on my girls and having fun with them was incredibly helpful to me in the early days of “grieving”.

    xxx

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 3:32pm

  560. 560: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    554 LG – Well your guy “seems” authentic from here, and I really like what he said to you.

    That’s because men DO feel overwhelmed by our emotions sometimes – it’s exactly the reason why TH withdrew from me – he just couldn’t handle it.

    Problem with TH though, was that he wasn’t able to articulate it like your guy has with you, so that’s why I’m so impressed with how your guy has handled it.

    And thank you! :)

    (((Hormones)))

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 3:35pm

  561. 561: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    (((((((Siren Angel)))))))) You don’t need to know where to begin to inspire them.

    “I face the thought of putting M behind me for good with a lot of sadness in my heart.” This is great because you are accepting the reality that you have a choice. Also that you are letting go. In Rori’s writing you will see that is your best option for possibly getting him back. Look through the articles on the blog.

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 3:43pm

  562. 562: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:

    Butterfly Wings,

    The article was actually a Rori Raye newsletter titled ‘If You Want To Hear Him Say “I Love You” – Read This…’ (Although I find the situation is not exactly yours…)

    Hi, If you feel totally comfortable and happy and
    confident with a man you DON’T care about – but
    find yourself melting all over a man you really DO
    like who doesn’t treat you the way you want, won’t
    commit to you, and doesn’t give you the attention
    and affection you want and deserve – this letter
    from Rori Raye will help you.

    If you’re stuck in that age-old, classic
    dilemma of how to be happy with a good man who
    doesn’t quite “fill in all the blanks for you” -
    when you’re so usually attracted to men who don’t
    treat you as well as you deserve – read this
    letter from Rachel and Rori’s answer – it’s filled
    with amazing, fast Tools you can use right now:

    “Dear Rori, I try to follow your invaluable
    advice… I have read your book twice now and I
    think it has helped although I have run into a
    real doozy with my new boyfriend.

    We were friends for a year, I didn’t even see him
    as relationship material until he started to do so
    many things for me with regard to helping around
    my house and with my career. We became business
    partners and then… soon after I finally said
    goodbye for the last time to my ex I suddenly
    noticed him.

    How sweet and thoughtful he was and how he seemed to be there for me. One thing lead to another and within a couple of months we were sleeping together.

    It quickly escalated to every night! I love that
    he calls me everyday, wants to see me every night,
    even if we don’t have sex. even if it is usually
    under the guise of business.

    The problem is that he has told me how he felt
    about me only once (and we’re going on 4 months
    now) when he had to travel out of town and missed
    me. He finally confessed that he’d liked me since
    we met and felt too intimidated to ask me out.

    It was very sweet, although over the phone, and we
    talked for a couple of hours and both confessed
    our feelings, it was great and what I had been
    waiting to hear.

    But then I went to visit him and it all returned
    back to the same never talking about anything.

    He never has taken me on a real date (we’re both
    very broke though), but not even for just a drink.
    We’ve gone out, but I am a social person and it’s
    always at my instigation and usually along with
    other friends.

    I am used to men who tell me how they feel or at
    least tell me the things they like about me. I
    feel as though we are still just good friends, but
    we sleep together.

    I trust him completely and don’t think he’s
    looking for anyone else so I feel like I’m being
    spoiled by wanting to hear it from him. I’m not
    the best communicator but I’ve tried to bring it
    up and he doesn’t seem to get it.

    I think he’s trying to show me by doing so many
    wonderful things for me so I hesitate to push it
    because in every other way he gives me exactly
    what I want which is time spent together. But he
    never makes it feel special. He said he’s not
    romantic but I’ve never experienced anyone who so
    honestly seems to feel that way.

    Am I being needy, wanting some validation? Or is
    validation normal to want in a relationship? He
    hasn’t had many girlfriends and is much younger
    than me, so I want to be patient and possibly show
    him. But I’m not sure if that’s just pushing and I
    should just accept him for how he is… I think I
    will eventually leave or cheat if it stays the
    same.

    Craving romance ….Rachel”

    RORI’S ANSWER:

    ***Briefly, Rachel, here’s what I’ll focus on -
    since none of your relationships (you mention your
    ex) have ever really worked out (is that right?)
    then why are you trying to push this one – which
    clearly IS working – into the dust bin?

    Some men just aren’t romantic, some men can’t
    say they love you (though it sounds like you had a
    very fulfilling phone conversation).

    This is not about “romance.”

    This is about the BIG TICKET ITEMS:

    >>Do you want to be married to him?

    >>Do you want to live with him?

    >>When do you suppose that should start to come
    together?

    >>Do you see him moving in that direction?

    >>Are you spending so much time together that
    living together and marriage seem like a logical
    next step?

    **Or are you “dating” – in which case you
    should also be “dating” many other men at the same
    time!

    The 3rd and 4th month of a relationship is very
    challenging – that’s when things turn real or they
    don’t.

    What YOU have to do is to start saying not what
    you WANT – but what you DON’T want – you don’t
    want to “date” him exclusively indefinitely
    without knowing where you’re headed or how he
    feels, and if he just isn’t lighting your fire -
    perhaps your fire is lit by men who do not treat
    you well (this guy’s ACTIONS are speaking louder
    than words – sounds like he’s “giving” to you).

    The next few weeks are for you to become more
    vulnerable, for you to see if you enjoy his
    company and want the relationship to move on to
    marriage, and see what he does.

    They are for you to keep your options open
    until he tells you to shut them down. He has to
    make these decisions, and pushing him is not only
    useless – it does not serve you.

    >>Take care of yourself, enjoy him on a moment
    by moment basis – and see if those moments grow
    into a lifetime.

    >>Stay in touch with your feelings and you’ll
    know what’s happening – pushing him to give to you
    in the way you want him to give to you will not
    work.

    >>Let him know whenever he does something you
    LIKE, and let him know whenever he does something
    you don’t like.

    >>Let him know how it feels – what about your
    relationship makes you feel “not special” – all
    that (but first – really examine your own
    feelings, motives – what you really want for the
    long run.

    I say brava to you to know that if things don’t
    work for you the way you like, you’re happy to
    leave and let another man make you happy. It also
    sounds like this guy deserves a shot.

    Love, Rori

    AND HERE’S RACHEL’S RESPONSE BACK TO RORI:

    “Rori, Thank you so much for your awesome
    response… you seem to have hit the nail on the
    head. I do believe he is worth a shot. I will
    follow your advice with an emphasis on telling him
    what I LIKE… and DON’T like. We have made a
    little headway since I wrote you and actually, the
    approach I took is right in line with the advice
    you are giving me.

    Once I backed off at being angry about it and
    really tried to understand his motives and trust
    that he does want to be with me without having to
    hear it first, it seemed to fall into place a
    little more naturally.

    I had to patiently communicate my thoughts on
    relationships and my needs very clearly so that he
    didn’t immediately go into the old “this girl is
    pushing me to giving up my own sense of self for
    her” thing that he and a lot of men seem to fall
    into when put into this position.

    I told him that I liked the way he was and didn’t
    want him to change his ambitions and goals and
    sense of independence (which is what attracted me
    to him in the first place), but that I needed to
    communicate my needs in order to feel comfortable.
    I also told him that “I look at every relationship
    as though it is going to last forever…now so far
    none of them have, and guess what? It was okay”
    … and that got a laugh out of him and helped
    ease him into openly discussing the future.

    I got out of him (It wasn’t easy and took two
    phone conversations and a final talk in person)
    that he does want a relationship, doesn’t want me
    to see other men and is open to the idea that
    visions of the future are always subject to change
    and to keep an open mind.

    Which for now is enough for me. That may change in
    time, and I will follow your advice and keep at
    it…But I am a fan of letting things progress
    naturally, as he is. And pushing was as you
    said… “pushing it into the dust bin” and making
    me more miserable.

    Thank you for recognizing that he is giving to
    me… It helps to hear that you see that.

    Many of my friends can’t understand why I’m so
    crazy about him, but when you said that “my fire
    may be lit by men who don’t treat me so well” you
    were right on.

    I think I’m finally recognizing that and to have
    someone who is giving of their time and energy and
    someone so trustworthy as well, is just an amazing
    feeling. I do feel as though he is quite a hidden
    treasure that I really want to cherish.

    Thank you for being so in tune Rori. You are doing
    a great service for my often irrational state of
    mind when it comes to love. And no doubt for
    others as well.

    Thank you, thank you, thank you…..Rachel”

    RORI’S ANSWER:

    The take-away here is that most stuff we think
    matters doesn’t matter at all.

    ***It doesn’t matter what other people think, it
    doesn’t matter what our family thinks, it doesn’t
    matter what your “brain” thinks – what matters is
    that you feel “met” emotionally, that your
    physical, emotional, psychological, romantic needs
    are being filled enough so that you feel a
    constant sense of well being and contentment and
    comfort when you’re around a man and when you
    aren’t.

    FEELING loved – and TRUSTING you are loved is
    where it’s at – and when you’re feeling that – you
    can speak to a man so directly and truthfully and
    emotionally authentic that he will change what he
    needs to in order to make you happy. Period.

    So …look for that. Look for your feelings,
    not for what a man is like on paper.

    Love, Rori

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 3:43pm

  563. 563: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    It is LilyBelly’s birthday?? HappppppyyyyyBirthdayyyyyyy my girl. Paint the town red.

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 3:45pm

  564. 564: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:

    FW,

    I realize this is what Rori suggests, but my experience in the pas relationships has shown me that when ‘I move on” the man usually does too… Except maybe once when I was starting to see another man behind my ex’s back.

    I fear that if I let go, I close off my heart, and send a message to the Universe that I am moving on.

    Does this make sense? Or is it the state I am in clouding my judgement?

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 3:48pm

  565. 565: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    LiliBee I have been struggling with myself all day to write you. Reason being I can’t find the right words to say but I really wanted to tell you so I am just going to write this.

    For some reason, in your words, though you use fm’s I keep kinda getting a sense of cool aloofness that I can’t put my finger on exactly what it is. It a seems seem kinda inocuously superficial rather than real/raw/authentic. Like I can’t feel you. I don’t know I kinda thing of a plane hovering over the landing strip but not exactly landing. This might not make sense to you but I just wanted to share it. I am wondering if you are stalled at the layer of yourself that you feel off months ago and hesitating to go deeper.

    I don’t know I feel awkward sharing that as I don’t want to come across as critical plus I feel like I am not sharing what my gut feels because I am looking for the right words that seem to be eluding me. In any event, I hope you find some value in these words.

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 3:51pm

  566. 566: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:

    Butterfly Wings,

    Yes, I am planning to make it fun for my son this weekend because he will likely feel lonely as we usually spend 1 out of 2 weekends together with M’s kids when we have custody (at the same time).

    So far he seems ok. I picked him up at school today and we went for ice cream and I told him we won’t see M and his kids THIS weekend but maybe sometime, but that I don’t know when. He was sad, but right away said it’s ’11 yr old’ who ‘put ideas’ in ‘ M’s 5 yr old’ head and then later ‘M’s 7 yr old’ head. He then said but ‘M’s 7 yr old’ is the one who loves you the MOST.

    I feel so confused. But will take this time to enjoy my kiddie to myself and fun things together. It is always tainted with sadness (like last breakup) because we are not as many. M’s kids have each other. It’s different for them. But I do feel positive they will miss us.

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 3:56pm

  567. 567: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Siren Angel you can attract what you fear.

    You can instead commit to letting go figuratively and opening your heart. All these can be done in your mind with visualizations. You can also commit to opening your heart to him should he lean towards you again. Go in front of the mirror look at yourself and talk like he is the one in the mirror. Committing the letting go of the fear and opening your heart is the first step.

    Use the scripts from tapping “even though I feel all this fear and dread, I am totally open to honoring it. I honor my feelings. I am open to letting go of this fear and opening my heart”. Look up Margaret Lynch Tapping youtube and follow along.

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 3:57pm

  568. 568: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:

    Daria @555,

    Many years ago, I had a dream where I was some sort f Nymph Priestess living in a very beautiful forest with a smooth lake in the middle and all the animals around the lake (deer, rabbits, wolves) where looking on at me like I was their queen. There was an eery feeling to the dream and I often go back to that visualization for direction.

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 4:00pm

  569. 569: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:

    FW!

    Thank you. I often felt curious about tapping but felt a little too shy to ask. I will follow your advice.

    My energy is low right now and it feels like I am loosing everything. I need to work on this.

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 4:02pm

  570. 570: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    562 Siren Angel – O.M.G!!! That letter was written about ME!

    TH did show that he cared through the things he did for me, and when he was overseas he told me he missed me (It’s not like him to open up like that!).

    Plus we were inseparable for a long time – we were practically living together, plus we would go to the gym together, shopping, out with friends, dinner with family….

    Wow. I need to process this some more…

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 4:02pm

  571. 571: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:

    FW,

    I am looking it up on YouTube and there are so many… which one(s) should I look for?

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 4:04pm

  572. 572: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    564 Siren Angel – for me, “moving on” has been really about me taking care of me and CDing my friends.

    So it was really just a shift of focus on to me and off TH, which has drawn him so much closer than ever before.

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 4:05pm

  573. 573: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    566 Siren Angel – the upside of this is that your son will get him to yourself for a while. Cherish this time as I am with my girls right now, because it won’t last forever. That’s the biggest positive I’m trying to put on my situation. Without TH around, my girls get me to themselves.

    (((Siren Angel)))

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 4:08pm

  574. 574: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:

    Butterfly Wings @570,

    :-) I’m happy it helps!

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 4:10pm

  575. 575: Goddess LilyNo Gravatar says:

    –Update–

    Well one of my two worries got resolved this afternoon. My ex has no bad feelings towards me. He intends to share the bare minimum with people who ask about us.

    He wants to continue to hang out though, go to church together, go to movies, start p90x next month like we had planned, he even wants to cut the grass at my house still. He told me about his whole day this afternoon as though nothing had changed. I feel relieved that we don’t have animosity between us but his willingness to do everything the same but as friends makes me feel confused and conflicted and lonely now.

    I don’t know whether to cut ties or try and be friends…..close friends. My family votes for cutting him off completely.

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 4:20pm

  576. 576: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:

    FW,

    I looked up on YouTube, and it’s about success and wealth more, right? Does this apply to love life also?

    I do have to say I have been feeling ‘stuck’ in every area of my life (with my clients, financially, everything is just like on ‘hold’) and then the breakup… Can it all be related to a general state of ‘stuckness’ ?

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 4:34pm

  577. 577: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:

    (((Goddess Lily)))

    It really is a tough choice. Does he want fto do all these things to win you back or does he feel the needs to help you? This makes me think of Turquoise’s story with her ex-husband.

    How would you feel about him around as a ‘friend’?

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 4:37pm

  578. 578: Goddess LilyNo Gravatar says:

    He doesn’t want to win me back. He may not want to let me go though. I just feel unsettled about the idea of being friends, not quite for or against it.

    I also looked up the tapping video as I too feel stuck in multiple areas of my life, but I didn’t know if I was doing it right. I didn’t really feel a change.

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 4:59pm

  579. 579: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:

    ohhh… I am liking this tapping.

    What do you think of Brad Yates? I can’t seem to find anything on love and clearing fear per say from Margaret Lynch that is not financial or business.

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 5:01pm

  580. 580: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:

    Goddess Lily,

    I just found this one from Margaret Lynch that explains clearly the basics:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hf70-lm8SEE&list=FLMKTUVFBxVDdeuLJbtM5mUw&index=3&feature=plpp_video

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 5:03pm

  581. 581: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Siren Angel this one is on breakups but I am biased towards Margaret Lynch

    http://tap-easy.com/2220/eft-tapping-relationship-breakup/

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 5:04pm

  582. 582: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:

    oops.. this one:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hf70-lm8SEE&list=PL77C555ACD4E10738&index=8&feature=plpp_video

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 5:06pm

  583. 583: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Oh yes I like Brad Yates.

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 5:08pm

  584. 584: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    I have kinda changed her wording to use emotions around love.

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 5:09pm

  585. 585: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    RE 576 – It sure can.

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 5:10pm

  586. 586: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:

    FW, thank you,

    How do you use Margaret Lynch for love life? Does it help for it too even though her focus is on success in business?

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 5:15pm

  587. 587: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:

    Ok.. the Margaret Lynch did seem to be simpler yet have more effect on ‘lifting’ my vibe and general happiness.

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 5:17pm

  588. 588: ChristalNo Gravatar says:

    I am feeling tremendously grateful for this blog. I feel my energy and emotions shift to the positive so quickly and then I feel excited about the little things.

    I feel excited for something as simple as the thunderstorm coming tonight. Giddy about the electricity in the air. Weird, and yet not that weird anymore. I like it!

    I have always been an emotionally empathetic person and certainly expressive through crying and basic communication but I feel so much more expressive all the time. Even in my own thoughts as I drive, I’m focusing in and paying attention to myself. Thank you Rori and Sirens!

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 5:19pm

  589. 589: RiverGirlNo Gravatar says:

    BW,

    I’ve been having some thoughts about tweaks that might help shift things with you and TH. I feel a little hesitant though because you sound so strong and upbeat now.

    Sometimes your interactions with him seem a bit combative, like it’s a battle of the wills. I know you need to be firm with your boundaries and that you are a pretty feisty chickie babe (probably he loves that about you) but I wonder if softening the way you stand your ground might be more of an invitation to him.
    For instance, last night when he wanted you to go to his place and he got a bit snarky, perhaps you could have said something like. “oh, babe it would feel so good to be cuddled up with you but I just need to collapse into my own bed tonight. Felt like such a flashback …..danced my little feet off! :) nite nite”
    Still lets you take care of yourself but might seem less of a rejection to him. I’m curious to hear if that resonates with you.

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 5:20pm

  590. 590: RiverGirlNo Gravatar says:

    @589

    Typo,

    BAND felt like such a flashback.

    Gotta get out of bed and go to vote!!

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 5:26pm

  591. 591: BelleNo Gravatar says:

    Today a friend of mine texted 10 minutes before I was supposed we were supposed to meet that she was going to be an hour late.
    Via phone call I told her I felt peeved, said what I didn’t want, asked her what she thought, and she came up with a great suggestion that worked beautifully for me.
    I cried because I felt so much relief. I have so many friends who totally flake around time and I felt scared that another friendship might hit the dust because it was the nth time this had happened.
    It felt so good…and her suggestion worked out wayyyy better for me than our original arrangement!

    In the meantime I talked to my lover T, and I felt triggered and used FM’s to express feelings about stuff from the past. I finally felt heard and understood and felt like yet again, we went to a deeper level of intimacy. He was offering validation out the wazoo that I wasn’t even asking for. Validation that I would have given an arm for a few years ago.
    It feels so good that after over a decade of relationship with him, we still find each other interesting and learn more about each other. It feels so good that we have this groove…he asked, “what do you need me to say?”
    I told him, “It would feel good to hear what feels inspired and from your heart.”
    After a few moments of silence, he replied, “I’m communicating with you energetically right now. I’m feeling my hand on your back, and feeling compassion and connection.”
    I asked him, “Will you imagine hugging me, heart to heart?” and I felt myself melt into his imagined embrace.
    (He’s in another state right now.)
    He then went on to say, “You are such an enigma to me. I find myself so interested in you. We are so alike in so many ways and so different in so many ways and I feel like I want to understand you. In the ways we are different, it’s so different it’s not like apples and oranges, it’s like comparing apples and spark plugs, or apples and warm.”
    Laughing and giggling and sweetness.

    I was able to communicate to him my deeper feelings of fear around violent feelings being activated around deeper feelings of love and what I mean when I talk about vulnerability and I felt so loved and heard and embraced and held, even over the phone.

    Yum!
    I’m feeling like the yummy pie!
    gooey good.
    Lovey yum yum yum.

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 5:45pm

  592. 592: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    RiverGirl I love your tweaks.

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 5:54pm

  593. 593: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    No Conflict = No Intimacy

    After our last newsletter on conflict and Intimacy I get several letters asking me to clarify exactly what I meant. Most of the questions focused on not understanding how conflict in a relationship can lead to intimacy. Here’s one example:

    So then, do you believe women that create drama based, hysterical conflicts are a good thing?

    A recent example happened last week with my best friend. He has a long distance relationship with his girlfriend. She exhibits spats of jealously and anger because he is a musician and she thinks women throw themselves at him (which they don’t, even though he is very good looking). One Facebook photo of him with another woman can send her into a rage. Last week, I posted pictures on my personal page of the band performing and a bunch of my friends.

    She somehow saw them and called him up, saying she couldn’t do the long distance thing anymore and wanted to break up (she does this at least once a month). This make my friend angry, because she demonstrates a lack of trust. He tells her she can’t do that anymore. She finally caves and they don’t break up. He is getting discouraged and exhausted. To me, that is not conflict=passion. At least, not true, loving passion.

    Are you saying I should go for the drama version if I’m ever to keep a man? If that’s the case, then the h*** with any relationship.

    Thanks,
    Elizabeth

    HERE’S MY RESPONSE:

    Actually what I’m saying is this. Many women (and men) are so afraid of losing the person they love that they avoid conflict, almost at any cost. When things bother them they are so fearful of doing something that might ruin the relationship that they simply ignore things that bother them. While that does lead to less disagreement, it also has an unintended consequence – the relationship becomes boring. If you don’t believe me trying falling in love with a man that is painfully boring. No actually don’t try, it’s miserable.

    When you’re with a man that can upset you it means that he’s capable of arousing all of your feelings. When you get angry with a man it means that you’ve let him get close to you. Here’s what so few couples understand – Great Couples Have Fights. Not threatening fights or abusive altercations, but they do disagree sometimes quite intensely. What separates them from the couples that don’t make it is they fight within limits.

    For example if you’re married, never threaten divorce when you’re upset – never. If you’re dating a man, be careful how you fight. Don’t tease him about something that he’s very sensitive about (the same applies to him). Instead of avoiding conflict, work through it even though it can be tough. Make sure your conflict is “safe.” Couples that experience a lot of passion are willing to have these disagreements because they know the other person isn’t going to hurt them (but they will upset them), because there will always be a limit as to what things will be discussed.

    As to Elizabeth’s situation above, the problem isn’t that they don’t have enough conflict, it’s that the conflict isn’t getting fixed. If I was talking to her friend and he wanted my advice I would say that he needs to decide what he’s willing to enforce. If he’s going to tell her that he won’t see her any more if she keeps acting this way, then he needs to follow through with that and stop giving in when she cries, begs or threatens. If her anger and jealously isn’t something she is willing to change and he can’t accept, then giving in to her is only going to encourage her to continue to act this way. In addition, it will only make him become resentful of her.

    Conflict in a relationship creates intimacy when you work through the problems instead of avoiding them. I know it can be scary to disagree with the man you love, but solving the problems that come up in any relationship involves some conflict. Go ahead and take the risk and you’ll find in most cases (maybe not Elizabeth’s friend) that it will actually draw you closer as a couple. I hope that clears it up and thanks for all the letters letting me know it was confusing.

    Sincerely,

    Bob Grant

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 6:01pm

  594. 594: AnnieNo Gravatar says:

    594 This appears to be the total opposite of what rori says.

    As she would say for the woman to be honest and express it in a different way.
    Which would something along the lines of I feel angry and jealous seeing pics of you with other women and don’t want to feel like this etc etc and then do a speech where she broke exclusivity and CD and then asked what he thought and see if he stepped up or not.

    And be real and not change her feelings, but change the begging threatening and walk if he doesn’t step up.
    It’s not about not trusting him it’s about trusting herself enough to know that this is not making her happy as things are.
    Complete reverse.

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 6:35pm

  595. 595: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    Sassy,

    Thank you, yes, I have gotten set up on elance recently! Thanks for the idea!

    My interview went well. Four people interviewed me separately over a two hour period. It felt nerve-wracking, but I think I did well. I hope I get the position.

    I took my Mom, because it was 1.5 hours away each way, and my house is set up with ramps for her wheelchair that she needs my help to go up and down, since they’re so steep. So, being with me, she wasn’t stranded in her bedroom.

    We had a nice day together, but now she is having one runny BM after another. Four accidents so far. I feel worn out, and I’ve been running the washer and dryer constantly, not even touching my own laundry. I feel overwhelmed. I want to be with her and to help her, but I don’t know if I can do this.

    I have another interview Monday to work as a nonmedical caregiver for children thru a home nursing company.

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 7:06pm

  596. 596: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    A slight inclination of the cranium is equivalent to an eclipse of the optic to an equine quadruped devoid of visionary capacity.

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 7:08pm

  597. 597: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    Sassy,

    Thank you, yes, I have gotten set up on elance recently! Thanks for the idea!

    My interview went well. Four people interviewed me separately over a two hour period. It felt nerve-wracking, but I think I did well. I hope I get the position.

    I took my Mom, because it was 1.5 hours away each way, and my house is set up with ramps for her wheelchair that she needs my help to go up and down, since they’re so steep. So, being with me, she wasn’t stranded in her bedroom.

    We had a nice day together, but now she is having one runny BM after another. Four accidents so far. I feel worn out, and I’ve been running the washer and dryer constantly, not even touching my own laundry. I feel overwhelmed. I want to be with her and to help her, but I don’t know if I can do this.

    I have another interview Monday to work as a nonmedical caregiver for children thru a home nursing company.

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 7:19pm

  598. 598: LindaNo Gravatar says:

    162 Turquoise – Yikes a man with quirky man with bad breath… sounds like a winning combination to me LOL next

    170- Daria.. sweetie thanks for commenting. I put this one up on my dating profile.. seems to be working in my favor. I am glad to know what you felt when you saw it.

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 7:24pm

  599. 599: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    (((Siren Angel)))

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 7:37pm

  600. 600: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    Yay Starla I missed you

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 7:45pm

  601. 601: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    Yay Radlove! Won’t say anything, but sounds really good:)

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 7:46pm

  602. 602: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    509 FW I am cracking up picturing that event unfolding! Oh how cute you are with your skirt falling down and recovering gracefully!

    I feel inspired to keep on my journey without bread :-)
    I can do it, and I do feel sooo much better without all that in my system…next is sugar….

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 8:00pm

  603. 603: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    FW,

    I feel you as a dangerous flirt ;)

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 8:03pm

  604. 604: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    I was out with my gfriend last night when he came to meet me and three of us spent a few mins together. This was the first time he met any of my friends. I haven’t met his either. Today my gfriend texted that he is very nice and she thinks he is really into me;)

    I felt embarrassed a bit that he didn’t talk more to her!

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 8:06pm

  605. 605: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    SA,

    I feel that something really good is coming your way..

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 8:09pm

  606. 606: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:

    Oh Memulo!

    I just opened the blog after Yoga and a movie… It almost seems like a message of the Universe. Awww… Thank you. I feel it too.

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 8:10pm

  607. 607: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:

    Memulo,

    That’s really cool that he met your friend.

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 8:15pm

  608. 608: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you SA:)

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 8:20pm

  609. 609: MissStixNo Gravatar says:

    Cristal

    Mmm I love thunderstorms!!!!! Jealous :)

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 8:21pm

  610. 610: LoveAlwaysNo Gravatar says:

    Daria, Tam & LiliBee

    I told him that I don’t want to be single for the rest of my life and that I felt okay with him dealing with his situations but I don’t want to just take myself off the market and wait for him.

    It was a very positive and powerful statement and I FELT IT. I was not attacking him or making him wrong, just answering his question.

    He surprised me with his response about his love for me, that he realized I was the one for him and that he wanted to be with me forever and then we began to talk about the steps we are going to take to be together permanently (yes, marriage on the table!). OMG

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 9:19pm

  611. 611: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    589 RiverGirl – Yes you are probably right! I do get like that with him and I guess it could be because I’m expecting a “fight”, so I ‘attack’ first, if that makes sense?

    It’s definitely something for me to be aware of, so thank you. :)

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 9:23pm

  612. 612: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    I’ve been reading the Power of Now and it’s an interesting book. There are some concepts that remind of Rori’s advice like bringing yourself into the present moment by touching an object, etc…

    I’m feeling a mix of stress and gratitude because the next couple of weeks are going to be crazy. I am starting a new job (great but unexpected)…and I’m also in a class that is quite challenging but I’m determined to pass….
    The job is great but it’s very part time so does not solve my financial dilemma but is a step in the right direction….so we shall see….

    I am also feeling sad for my parents right now because they are going through some tough times and they are elderly. I feel soo sad about this sometimes and feels like I’m choking.

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 9:33pm

  613. 613: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    565:

    FW,

    I actually feel glad and relieved that you have put the lense on that.

    I do feel ‘off’ about my FMs these days.
    Right after I say them, I feel that ‘cool aloofness’.

    I hear my vibe saying “you can’t touch me” even louder than my words.

    I felt and heard that when I said to D “I would love to come home to you every day after work, have suppr together…….But I don’t want you if you’re going to be miserable.”

    “I would love” does not really convey how I would feel coming home to him every day.

    Today, I really imagined myself walking into the house after a days work, and sank into my feelings.
    Connecting to my feelings that way, I would now say it this way:
    “When I imagine myself coming home to you every day, I feel warm all over, I feel my face glow.
    I imagine it would feel calm and peaceful like it did on vacation just hanging out quietly.”

    We were on vacation together for 7 days straight.
    Appart from my own trigger to his being withdrawn, it felt calm and peaceful.
    I dealt with that trigger very well.

    And, allthough my FM wasn’t the most heartfelt, it did turn him around.

    His face lit up when he saw me coming home to him after work today .
    I got such a warm hug. That hug felt soooo good.
    I melt every time I get one.
    He had taken them away after my last meltdown where I walked out and left.
    He brought them back right after my foibled FM.

    He shared his decision about his work-hockey schedule:
    He decided to leave his work schedule on weekdays ‘as is’ until after the holidays.

    He asked me which 2 nights I had zumba.
    He wanted to see how our schedules ‘fit’.
    He’ll be playing hockey 1 of those nights…instead of working every night to play hockey during the day.
    He’ll wait until his project finalizes after the holidays to switch to that schedule.
    Before my FM, he wanted to switch to that schedule right away UNTIL the holidays!

    He said it with a great big grin and a perky decisive voice :)

    I noticed I immediately blocked my feelings with the thought “he might change his mind again.”
    I felt scared to believe it.
    Then I felt scared of his expectations towards me.

    I came home and I wondered why I don’t feel happier about it than I do.
    I reran the scene in my mind and processed through the string of events and I saw it:
    My WALL OF FEAR has went up so high since he got cold and withdrawn for the past few weeks.

    I need to really FEEL that fear now so it can float away and make way for the happy feeling…like I did on vacation with the controlling worrying feeling.

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 9:36pm

  614. 614: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    613:

    Thank You FW,

    Your comments did complete my processing wonderfully.
    Your little poke got me ‘feeling’ my way through it.

    The feeling of fear makes me feel protective of myself. When I feel afraid, I feel cold and isolated…alone…hanging in the air, floating…not grounded.
    Funny how I automatically brought my hand to my heart unintentionally when I typed out my feelings.

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 9:42pm

  615. 615: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Sirens,

    I feel kind of blah, Mr. C and I haven’t hugged all week… which I didn’t realize had been so long until I just thought about it…. but I miss it. It feels good to be physically close to someone. I can understand the cuddling vs, sex conversation on here earlier. Sometimes a good snuggle is all I need. Mr. C. and I did that sometimes, I liked hearing his steady heartbeat. Made me feel calm. It was very sweet though, he had me meet him where he ordered my shirt, and the girls behind the counter were like, “Oh, you are the new one! You just moved here! Welcome to our town” he was telling them about me when he ordered it. He was happy that I was happy. I didn’t ask him why he got it for me. When we were leaving he asked if I was going to the football game tonight. I wasn’t sure what the girls would want to do, so I just said probably. THey really wanted to go and had so much fun seeing their friends and running around. I’m glad we went. He and I ended up sitting by ourselves (he had the baby too) for most of the night, and I caught myself wanting to give advice a few times, even about the baby. One time I slipped, but recovered well and I don’t think he even noticed.

    It definitely felt more like a friend vibe, but I do wonder what other people think to see us always together. It’s not that I care what others think, but I just wonder about it. Even that he doesn’t seem to care.

    I borrowed a pressure washer from my neighbor for him, and he was so glad it did such a nice job and said he can’t wait for me to see his deck tomorrow. He’s coming here before our girls’ away game to do some here. I really do appreciate that he wants to help me. The article about how he shows he loves you, even if he doesn’t say the words… struck home a little about Mr. C. Not that I think he loves me, but little things like buying me a shirt and telling me how great I look in it, offering to drive us to my car since I had to park far away, being concerned that my daughter was talking to a boy,… just little stuff like that, does feel sweet and lovely. I read a Mike Fiore letter where he said he felt bad that he’d dated a single mom and she gushed anytime he did something even a little nice for her, like she never had anything nice or was starved for it, that she came across as too appreciative. Well, I can understand that, but at the same time, I can relate to it as well. I don’t want to come across in a negative way.

    I’m rambling, I’m sleepy. I feel a little deflated and I believe it’s because we took the open door out of the equation. WHICH, I’m glad of, because I still felt too hopeful. BUT, it made it more fun and flirty.

    In the long run though, keeping things simple right now, is a positive thing.

    I didn’t hear from tux today, which, he doesn’t seem to be a big texter, but I have been wondering when he’ll ask to see me again. he said he hoped we would.

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 9:44pm

  616. 616: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Happy Birthday Lillybelly!!!!!

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 9:44pm

  617. 617: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    610:

    Thank You so much for sharing that LoveAlways.

    I feel my heart radiating warmth after reading your posts :)

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 9:45pm

  618. 618: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    586:

    Thank You SA ! for bringing up Margaret Lynch.

    I forgot about her.

    When I made a clean break from D last winter, I spent the 1st few days ranting out my anger here on the blog…Then I went on to tap with Margaret for 3 nights straight before going to bed.
    I felt my vibe start to switch within a week.
    I felt so happy within 3 weeks of the breakup.

    It doesn’t matter if she speaks about professional success and money.
    The core of it always comes down to selfworthiness, self acceptance, self love, self compassion.
    Just listen to how she speaks to herself and you’ll get it.
    I tapped with my own lovelife situation in mind.
    I felt so happy and free after a few days.

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 10:00pm

  619. 619: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Lillebee…. I wish you would go back and read some of your posts from when you were seeing friends, being busy and sounding sooo alive and happy! No ronder he wanted you so badly! Not that it should all be a game, but I remember reading that the secret to s happy marriage is falling in love over and over again, with the same person. Be the Lillebee who was here last winter. Be that happy, irresistible woman, and he’ll be back. Bring sad and sounding sad, doesn’t inspire them to try harder. It probably has the opposite effect.

    I had a good time and felt happy at the game tonight. The blah feelings started later. He told me the other day I always seem worried. I don’t want to come across that way, even if I do have bills to pay.

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 10:08pm

  620. 620: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    I feel exasperated with myself that I seem often to say something negative
    :roll:
    Hmm I feel self conscious that people are rolling their eyes at me bit it’s ok Emerson ……

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 10:53pm

  621. 621: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    618 hi lillibee
    Do you mind sharing the link with the tapping

    Maybe I should do some tapping

    I’m scared and feeling DARK

    I think I run away from things

    I have some friends I’ve lost because things got toxic and felt bad

    I wrote them off

    And now I feel bad :-(

    And sad

    And maybe I should try to repair??

    Or just leave well enough alone

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 11:01pm

  622. 622: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    Hmmm I think TH is now ignoring me because for the first time I think ever, he’s not contacted me today.

    He had mentioned over a week ago a party he was thinking of taking me to tonight, but he never firmed up plans.

    I will feel disappointed if he goes without me, but I have my eldest daughter home (it seems like forever that she’s been gone), plus I have several websites to work on – so I’ll be busy spending time with my daughter and working at least.

    I found out today (thanks to FB) that TH was drunk last night when he was texting me. He was also posting that he probably wouldn’t go out tonight because he felt guilty about his weight loss efforts as a result of the drinking.

    I’m glad I didn’t go there last night – especially if he was drunk. It would have been a real turnoff to me.

    Oh well… time to shift my focus! :)

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 11:42pm

  623. 623: baby stepsNo Gravatar says:

    472 Starla – thank you. I’m saving that speech

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 11:52pm

  624. 624: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Sirens!
    I woke up feeling distraught for some reason.
    Feelingman has sent me another message on the dating website ‘oh you’re up late, seems you’re having lots of fun’. After all the digs from yesterday, he couldn’t help himself to launch another. I was in bed by midnight, guess I forgot to log out. Already possessive and not even met him.

    I watched Jane Eyre last night and bawled my eyes out. When Mr Rochester is blind in the end and Jane finds him…and he is telling her that he wants a wife, not a carer, and that ‘they are not of the platonic sort’. I was bawling and bawling….

    And I thought: I will never find my man, someone who wants me so much that he will do anything to keep me. And I certainly won’t find him while I am still stuck on someone else. I am sick and tired of leaning forward even just in thoughts.

    I feel sad and hopeless today.
    And to make matters worse, I have been invited again to my best friend’s house, and they are the perfect family and it is so nice to see them, really, but I am soooo fed up of always being alone and hankering after my little haven.

    I will be in Florida in less than three weeks and I am absolutely mortified that I will make the same mistakes again and get stuck on a man who does not want to give me what I need, and date others who are not inspiring me because they are uninspiring – and also because I don’t let anyone close to my heart. I am already exasperated just thinking of the guys who want to meet me…especially one, who keeps saying that he wants to court me – and is already looking at hotels to stay (he is from the other side of Fl). I feel like ‘haaang oooon’, I just want to sort my life out and get there first. I feel rushed. And we kissed already and it didn’t feel all that good and I don’t really want it again. And I am afraid to trust myself because I wonder ‘is it my fear of intimacy talking’…but no, I am just not attracted to lots of men, it does not happen often to me.

    I have worked so hard on myself in the last few months. Was it all for nothing?
    No, I know it wasn’t, but I still feel stuck.

    Friday, 7 September 2012 @ 11:54pm

  625. 625: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    I leaned forward with textCD just kind of experimenting and he’s gone quiet LoL he seems to be emotionally unavailable so who cares.

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 12:11am

  626. 626: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    I am so tempted (but won’t do it) to text TH and say “Soooo…. aren’t you talking to me?”.

    I know that’s the wrong thing to do. Still feeling tempted though…

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 12:16am

  627. 627: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    Bw
    Try to resist… you will feel so much better when he contacts you
    Maybe plan a feeling message to use…

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 12:32am

  628. 628: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    So far I’ve been good Emerson! ;)

    My daughter now has a few friends coming over to watch movies, so even if he invited me to this party now, I’d have to say no. That’s a GOOD thing!

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 12:50am

  629. 629: ViNo Gravatar says:

    mmmm… my negative voices feel today stronger than my man’s voice … he is one and they are like millions …. or at least 8 … it feels like they are 8 .. 4 per each ear … screamy scared voices ((((NVs))))) ((((((me)))))) ((((((but I am in charge)))))) .. it’s okay: I am a safe place ….

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 12:52am

  630. 630: baby stepsNo Gravatar says:

    Sirens, this is day 5 of me leaning back and he hasn’t contacted me….

    Is it possible for a guy to just leave like this? After 5 years of relationship ? We didn’t even have a fight on the last day I was in my home country, and he was messaging me even when I had boarded.

    I started leaning back as I was tired of initiating contact and getting short replies. He normally initiates contact…

    I’ll be away for another 2 more weeks….
    I’m feeling frustrated and terrified…

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 12:56am

  631. 631: ViNo Gravatar says:

    My NVs reside in my right shoulder and right leg right under the knee and my elbow also on the right side …. I feel stiff in those parts while my NVs are screaming inside my head … hmmm .. my nvs won’t go with capital letters anymore … ((((nvs)))) and (((((ME))))) feel better ….

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 12:59am

  632. 632: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    (((baby steps))) – it’s an awful feeling I know, and like everyone else here, I know the best thing to do is lean back, but I know how hard that is!

    Are you able to move your focus onto something else? Even looking at the detail in the leaf of a tree helps to center yourself. Try anything to move your focus off him.

    I’m trying to do the same thing with TH, and thankfully I may have a house full of teenagers tonight, so if that won’t draw my focus, then nothing will! :)

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 1:08am

  633. 633: ViNo Gravatar says:

    (((((scared voices in my head ))))) who am I fighting with? … I don’t know …. but I feel like I have to be armed at all points and be ready to fight back any second .. and like I am not aware that the war’s already over …. and I can go home and do smth else … tear drops …
    mmm… what am I going to do when I am at home and there is no war any more? I don’t know .. I feel lost … I feel lost…
    I am home and there is no war … okay … it also feels like a kind of new life begins … that’s why i hear my scared voices….thank you voices… I don’t know how to live this new life I feel scared too …. sigh … we could have a cup of nice tea to start with .. :-) baby steps :-)

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 1:16am

  634. 634: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    (((vi)))
    (((baby steps)))
    (((sirens)))

    A cup of tea sounds nice

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 1:25am

  635. 635: baby stepsNo Gravatar says:

    Butterfly wings, reading this forum and hearing of success stories helps a lot,…

    5 days feels like an eon to me, I so desperately want to ask ‘what’s happening?’

    Do u know of any men who came back after being silent for 5 days or longer? As each day past, my dread grows.
    Am I deceiving myself into hoping that he is still mine?
    Or worse, am I causing him to leave cos ive been waiting for contact OR the universe thinks this is what I want?

    So many thoughts and long sleepless nights

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 1:28am

  636. 636: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    Wow I realize how much nv’s can affect me and my choices.

    Vi thank you for bringing this up to help healing…

    I’ve made some stupid choices thinking I was looking out for myself but it was driven by past hurt anger and fear fear fear

    I still feel the fear strongest of those three….

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 1:29am

  637. 637: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    I’m feeling strange lately because I’m home but I don’t feel at home… Weird

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 1:31am

  638. 638: baby stepsNo Gravatar says:

    vi and Emerson, what does NV stand for ?

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 1:31am

  639. 639: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    Baby steps, men often come back after 5 days of silence.

    My suggestion to you is to get a script ready, using FM’s to express how you’ve been feeling and maybe asking if there’s something you should know about.

    It’s been less than 24 hours since I heard from TH and THAT is driving me crazy (he never leaves it this long!), but like you, I know I have to just lean back and wait for him to step up and contact me, as hard as it is…

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 1:32am

  640. 640: RiverGirlNo Gravatar says:

    LoveAlways and Lilibee, Wow!!! Your posts feel so inspiring to me. Powerful stuff.

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 1:33am

  641. 641: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    Nv = negative voices

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 1:34am

  642. 642: RiverGirlNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks FW, I do feel a bit tweaky today. Start of spring here and blossom is out on the trees, birds chirping, tweak tweak. :) I even found some inspiration to update my online profile which has felt stale to me.

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 1:36am

  643. 643: baby stepsNo Gravatar says:

    BW, thank you.

    I’m practicing saying FM to myself. I feel blessed to have found this blog, it has kept me busy during the quiet evenings in the hotel.

    I had figured I should be quiet as I didn’t want to feel like I’m being a pest. Yet, I didn’t want to ask difficult questions when I’m overseas – not a smart move! Finding this blog and knowing that it’s the reccomended thing to do helps soo much.

    Yes I’m having trouble coming with up a FM script. Telling him I felt lonely and terrified sounds like blame to me…

    If the situation was reversed and he tells me that he feels lonely and ends the sentence there, I would take that as his way of telling me I haven’t been calling… Without being explicit…

    I’m rambling…

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 1:43am

  644. 644: baby stepsNo Gravatar says:

    Emerson, Vi and BW, a cup of camomile tea sounds great! Or perhaps a mug of hot chocolate,,,mmm…

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 1:45am

  645. 645: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    I get what you mean baby steps, and unfortunately I’m not great with FM’s so hopefully as the other sirens wake up they’ll be able to offer their insight.

    It must be even harder too, with you being away from home. (((baby steps)))

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 1:51am

  646. 646: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    (((morning Tam)))

    Many mornings I wake up feeling this way. It’s so hard to keep strong all the time.

    Maybe you could share your rushed feeling with your cd over otherwise of Florida? But in a way he knows you are still interested. I’m excited that you have got lots of opportunities with guys to share how you feel about stuff that comes up even if they’re not your one.

    Do you have to work this weekend?

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 1:53am

  647. 647: ViNo Gravatar says:

    ((((((Emerson))))))) I feel so warm in my heart reading your comment. And also – not so much ashamed of my own choices made out of defensiveness or whatsoever I ‘think’ might not be okay … :-) and sigh … so thank you for sharing, it felt healing and helpful to me.

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 2:04am

  648. 648: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    635

    ((babysteps))

    5 days feels like a lifetime sometimes.

    Guys often come back after even much longer. I have found it easy not to wait though. Bring this focus onto you.
    leaning back is so hard to do, I literally had to come on the blog or sit on my hands or make my self busy so as not to text. I did this pre blog and pushed him away further after we split.

    I’ve found fm very hard as I couldn’t recognise how I felt. I spent a lot of time just trying to feel. Acknowledging my feelings during this time. Now fm come easier.

    Keep reading lots of past articles and save the ones that resonate or are useful so you can find them again.

    Much love

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 2:05am

  649. 649: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    Good advice, Smile. :)

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 2:09am

  650. 650: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    Ok, I’m still tempted to text TH but so far I’ve resisted!!!

    What is helping is that I know he’s at the gym right now (yes, I’m stalking him on FB – BAD I know!!!).

    But at least I’m not texting!!! And I’m also trying to work out how to transfer 5 websites over to a new account too, so that’ll keep my mind of him for a bit!

    And I know that if I keep posting on here, you girls can keep me accountable! ;)

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 2:18am

  651. 651: ViNo Gravatar says:

    I think that fear and anger and defensivenes all want us to be happy … but the way they communicate it to us feels weird and ouch-y….
    hmmm actually when I don’t feel guilty about what I’ve done, I feel fear I’ll have to try smth new :-) … mmm then I choose to feel fear and if I am going to make baby steps … it is going to be a baby fear . Hey Vi you can do this! :-) You are a safe place.

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 2:22am

  652. 652: baby stepsNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks Smile and BW, it feels so good to be heard :)

    For now, I’m reading and working on

    - leaning back ( by not messaging ) and how to lean back when we are together

    - FM on myself, positive FM scripts for him ( I’ll work in expressing negative FM to him in the future )

    - no expectations, this is a tough cookie! After being together for over 5 years, I DO have expectations… Like expecting him to iMessage or whatspp me daily… Like not expecting this unexplained silent treatment…

    As i type, my feelings have swung from wanting to crawl under the blanket and cry to being angry.

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 2:28am

  653. 653: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Siren Angel – wow awesome dream about the lake and animals! I feel excited I do believe it’s in all of us especially women have an easier time to feel the nature spirit of life

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 2:29am

  654. 654: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Smile!! Thank you!
    Ugh, I feel confused over my own feelings…
    Yes, work tomorrow and lots of house/garden work too – that should keep me busy.
    And you?
    Are you seeing SM??

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 2:31am

  655. 655: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    Oh yay me for being good!

    Just received a text. He’s invited me to join him at the gym, which I might actually do, because I feel like running.

    I won’t be able to stay at his house or anything though, because I have my daughter and her friends here.

    Phew! I feel so glad I didn’t lean forward! :)

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 2:31am

  656. 656: ViNo Gravatar says:

    Baby Steps, camomile tea is one of my favourite! It makes me feel peaceful and .. grounded and …comfortable in my own skin :-) It feels like happiness – simple and soft and warm and like smth I know very well…

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 2:36am

  657. 657: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Vi. I like your expressions. I was her thinking about some of the words we use when felling those emotions.

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 2:37am

  658. 658: AutumnNo Gravatar says:

    Femininewoman

    348

    He said he forgot! :( So he did not even bother to msg and so there was no miscommunication. He did apologise and looked and sounded like he was sorry. At least he looked guilty. I gently told him that it made me feel bad that i was left wondering what was happening all night. He said i should have msged him but i said it wasn’t for me to msg.

    We did make up in the end and he was lovely to me the rest of the night. I am planning on leaning back, back, back! so hard to do.

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 2:43am

  659. 659: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Ooohh LiliBee

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 2:46am

  660. 660: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    The Mystery of Female Ejaculation – Solved!

    First the background story…

    It started with a girlfriend. We were out parking one night and I had her backed up against the passenger-side seat of my pickup with me standing up outside and I was do’in her. We were both having a great time when all of a sudden there was this “explosion” of liquid that blew all over me – it was like she was having a massive pee on me.

    I had never encountered anything like this before but instinctively, I knew it was good. Admittedly, my first thought was that she had pee’d on me but I was ok with that because I knew I was making her feel really good. But my second thought was that there was no smell of urine so I decided that it wasn’t urine. I flat out didn’t know what it was but again, I instinctively knew it was good.

    The funny thing was, she was even more shocked and surprised than I was and she got all embarrassed and started apologizing.

    Sensing an opportunity, I took on the “air” of “stud” and “this is what it’s like with a real man” (LOL) and calmly, confidently assured her that it was ok and perfectly natural and that I liked it when she did that.

    Well, for the next year, it was like the tidal wave was unleashed. Every time we had sex on a bed, 10 -15 towels minimum were required.

    And then, it stopped. Totally. Completely. No more “gushers”. No more towels needed. I couldn’t understand it. She would still orgasm multiple times – real, lose-control, contractions all over her body – but no gushers.

    I couldn’t figure it out. I even asked several older women who I trusted and they didn’t understand it nor could they explain it either.

    Eventually, we parted ways. With all the other ladies, there was never any kind of moisture release when she orgasmed.

    For years, the question remained in my head, “Why did one woman “gush” for a period of time and then stop? Why did none of the other women gush?

    Then, by happenstance, I came across Female Ejaculation & the G-Spot
    by Deborah Sundah. I bought the book and brought it home for my lady to read.

    The next day she called me at my office screaming with excitement, “I did it! I did it!” After I several minutes of trying to get her calmed down, I asked her, “You did what?” “I ejaculated” she yelled excitedly, “I read the book you bought me, did what it told me to do and I more than filled up a cup with my ejaculate!”

    Well let me tell you, I couldn’t wait to get home that evening so she could “show” me. She did show me and now Female Ejaculation is a regular and exciting part of our sex life.

    Now, the explanation part…

    Every female alive is capable of ejaculating. It’s just that most never discover or learn of this capability. And, there’s a very specific reason why most women never discover it. It’s because their G-Spot is located approximately 1.5 – 3 inches back inside the top of their vagina.

    In contrast, those women who are “natural” gushers have G-Spots that are approximately 1.5 inches or less inside their vagina. In other words, their G-Spot is very close to the outside of their vagina. As such, it is much more easily stimulated by normal sex in the right way that leads to ejaculation.

    On most women who are “natural” gushers, if you gently “pull up and out” the top-front of their vagina with your fingers, you can literally see their G-Spot – it’s that close to the front.

    For women whose G-Spot is a little further back, they are still able to ejaculate with sex but they may require a specific position in order to get the right stimulation.

    For women whose G-Spot is still further back, they tend to only be able to ejaculate by use of a vibrator / dildo. Now, before anyone goes and develops a penis-size complex, all it takes is a 3 or 4 inch vibrator with the diameter of a pencil and she can ejaculate.

    So, it’s not that your penis-size isn’t sufficient for her. It’s just that her G-Spot is located in an area where you can’t really get to it to give it the right kind of “upward” stimulation that she needs to ejaculate. That’s ok. In fact, in my opinion, it’s much more interesting to watch a woman ejaculate than it is for her to ejaculate with my penis inside of her where I can’t see the ejaculation actually happen.

    Next, you need to know about the “switch”. Let me explain the “switch” in analogy form. If you have central heat & air in your house, then you have a thermostat that serves as the “switch” that turns on or turns off the heat & air. A simple “flick of the switch” to the “off” position and there’s no more air. The equipment’s all there but there’s no air. It’s off.

    In the same way, women have a “switch” that if it’s off, they CANNOT ejaculate. They absolutely have all of the “equipment” but they cannot ejaculate. Where is this switch? It’s the BRAIN! And, it’s any form of negative emotion that turns her “switch” OFF! If your lady is upset at you for some reason, she cannot ejaculate.

    That’s why my “gusher” girl stopped ejaculating. After being together for a while, I started doing things that “upset” her and generated “negative emotions” and sure enough, her switch flipped off. The problem was, I was too ignorant to know any of this at that time.

    The point is, until a woman totally resolves and releases her negative emotions or hurts, she will be able to turn the switch back on so that she can ejaculate.

    Here’s the next thing. Ejaculation is not the same thing as orgasm – although many women can develop their ejaculating ability so that it coincides with their orgasm.

    This of course, leads to the question, “How does it feel for a woman to ejaculate in comparison to an orgasm?” Well, women tell me that it feels “nice” or “very pleasurable” but it doesn’t satisfy like an orgasm – they still want the orgasm in order to feel fulfilled.

    As far as a woman learning how to ejaculate, just get her the book – it explains it very well.

    I will add that there is a video available as a companion to the book but I do not recommend getting it because it’s expensive and even worse, it’s confusing. It shows 3 couples – and the lady ejaculates – but it doesn’t really explain how to do it like the book does. In other words, a woman can learn how to ejaculate from the book. She probably wouldn’t be able to figure it out from just the video.

    I hope this is helpful for those men who have not yet experienced Female Ejaculation or those who are confused about it like I used to be.

    ****
    Copyright 2007, Article by Calle Zorro. Permission is granted to reprint this article ONLY if a resource box pointing to http://www.marriedandhappy.com/ is included with it.

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 2:47am

  661. 661: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    One of my best friends put on her fb status. Looking forward to spending time with friends and family for her sons early birthday.

    I sent her a text saying, aw that feels sad that I’m not invited  enjoy the day x

    She lives across the road, why wouldn’t I be invited.? I’m like one of her best friends. I always go to her sons party? I feel put out 

    It triggers me too that friends who are not as close are going because they have children.

    I feel so sad now being a single entity and not having a family I could have taken along 

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 2:50am

  662. 662: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    “1. Your wife wants you to show love towards her in HER way – not yours.

    What’s “her” way?

    Her way is the same way a mother loves a child – lots of warm hugs and pats, lots of interest in what the child is doing, thinking, etc. And of course, this loving is never done in a belittling way – as a superior looking down on an inferior – because that isn’t love – that’s condescension. Rather, it’s a coming together – an interaction based on acceptance and appreciation for each other – exactly as each one is.”

    http://www.marriedandhappy.com/Blog/2008/06/how-to-flirt-with-your-wife.html

    OH WOW! Guywho was SO good at on purposely loving this way by showing interest in what one is doing or thinking…

    I rmember he read a story in an newspaper once, and then asked this one girl Chantel, who was being really quiet, what do YOU think about it? and then asked her more questions about what she thought really interestedly

    and i first noticed this skill

    and i felt jealous lol

    of the skill actually not even of chantel at that moment

    AND im realizing i dreamt of guywho and other people came to me in the dream last nite… oh yeah!

    i was bragging to all of you hwo they were coming to me lol

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 2:52am

  663. 663: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    I /LOVE this CALLE ZORRO DUDE and i feel excited to have hsi knowledge on board yay!!

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 2:53am

  664. 664: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    im feeling EXICTEMUNDO

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 2:53am

  665. 665: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    “Now, from a man’s perspective, this may not seem all that “sexy” and may not at all seem related to flirting. But, in a woman’s mind it is and it’s vitally important because it opens the door – it opens her mind – it warms her body – it enables her to escalate to the next level of sexual desire…”

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 2:55am

  666. 666: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    “2. Your wife wants to feel like she belongs to and thereby augments and compliments her husband.

    Obviously, your wife doesn’t want to feel like a demeaned, belittled, invaluable, throw-away possession. Nor does she want to feel like she’s obsessively controlled and dictated to like some weak-minded imbecile. But, she very much wants to feel like a prized, valuable, meaningful, sought-after lady – one who is CLAIMED by her husband! She wants her husband to think of her as his chosen one, his first-pick, his one and only lady.

    From your own life-experiences, you no doubt realize that far too many men DO NOT generate this feeling in their wife. In fact, they generate quite the opposite…by the way they look at other women, by the way the use their time, by the way they direct their attention, by the way they interact with their wife, by all the little things they do, they leave their wife feeling like she’s in a massive competition, a massive struggle to even stay on her husband’s radar screen.

    And, as you might expect, the result is a very non-sexual wife.”

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 2:56am

  667. 667: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    “Obviously, that’s not what you want. So, ask yourself, “How can I give my wife this feeling of “meaningful belonging” that she so strongly craves?”

    Could you tell her just before you leave for the office, in your strongest, most masculine way and with just a hint of a smile, “You’re MY lady and don’t you ever forget it!”

    If your wife is in the yard when you drive up, could you cat-call or whistle at her from your car window then hang your head out and say something like, “Hey good looking…I saw you from the road and I just had to pull in and tell you that I want you to be my girl…but, only if you come kiss me on the lips!””

    LOL!

    im gonna just post the whole damn article but these bits are standing out to me in pieces

    http://www.marriedandhappy.com/Blog/2008/06/how-to-flirt-with-your-wife.html

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 2:57am

  668. 668: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    “You know within yourself that you could do all this. And, you can do more…you can take these two examples I’ve just given you and extend them in ways that not only show your wife she’s “yours” but also shows her that she’s your prize and that she augments, complements, enhances, and fulfills you.

    Also, keep in mind, the way you TOUCH your lady can generate this feeling within her every bit as much and even more so than the things you say. Your big, strong hand in the lower curve of her back is one such touch.”

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 2:58am

  669. 669: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    “How To Flirt With Your Wife…

    Let’s suppose for a moment that you learned the art of being a man who consistently flirted with his wife in a way that she found very enjoyable and fulfilling…

    Just how much do you imagine that would impact your marriage relationship for the good?

    Well, let me tell you one way it would impact your relationship; your lady would be “turned on” towards you far more than she is now – and that’s something you could handle, couldn’t you?

    If so, grab hold of these three elements of flirting:

    1. Your wife wants you to show love towards her in HER way – not yours.

    What’s “her” way?

    Her way is the same way a mother loves a child – lots of warm hugs and pats, lots of interest in what the child is doing, thinking, etc. And of course, this loving is never done in a belittling way – as a superior looking down on an inferior – because that isn’t love – that’s condescension. Rather, it’s a coming together – an interaction based on acceptance and appreciation for each other – exactly as each one is.

    That’s something you could do for your wife, could you not? If you really chose to, you know you could just take some time every so often and SET ASIDE everything you want, SET ASIDE everything you’re unhappy about, SET ASIDE all judgment and criticism, SET ASIDE everything except an unvarnished, pure interaction of acceptance, appreciation, and genuine interest.

    And, don’t be fooled – you’re not giving up anything nor are you losing out on anything. Here’s the thing, while this is certainly about her, IT’S MORE ABOUT YOU! Fellow, this is self-interest and self-preservation and the more you show the right kind of interest in your wife, the more of the right kind of interest she’ll show in you.

    Now, from a man’s perspective, this may not seem all that “sexy” and may not at all seem related to flirting. But, in a woman’s mind it is and it’s vitally important because it opens the door – it opens her mind – it warms her body – it enables her to escalate to the next level of sexual desire…

    2. Your wife wants to feel like she belongs to and thereby augments and compliments her husband.

    Obviously, your wife doesn’t want to feel like a demeaned, belittled, invaluable, throw-away possession. Nor does she want to feel like she’s obsessively controlled and dictated to like some weak-minded imbecile. But, she very much wants to feel like a prized, valuable, meaningful, sought-after lady – one who is CLAIMED by her husband! She wants her husband to think of her as his chosen one, his first-pick, his one and only lady.

    From your own life-experiences, you no doubt realize that far too many men DO NOT generate this feeling in their wife. In fact, they generate quite the opposite…by the way they look at other women, by the way the use their time, by the way they direct their attention, by the way they interact with their wife, by all the little things they do, they leave their wife feeling like she’s in a massive competition, a massive struggle to even stay on her husband’s radar screen.

    And, as you might expect, the result is a very non-sexual wife.

    Obviously, that’s not what you want. So, ask yourself, “How can I give my wife this feeling of “meaningful belonging” that she so strongly craves?”

    Could you tell her just before you leave for the office, in your strongest, most masculine way and with just a hint of a smile, “You’re MY lady and don’t you ever forget it!”

    If your wife is in the yard when you drive up, could you cat-call or whistle at her from your car window then hang your head out and say something like, “Hey good looking…I saw you from the road and I just had to pull in and tell you that I want you to be my girl…but, only if you come kiss me on the lips!”

    You know within yourself that you could do all this. And, you can do more…you can take these two examples I’ve just given you and extend them in ways that not only show your wife she’s “yours” but also shows her that she’s your prize and that she augments, complements, enhances, and fulfills you.

    Also, keep in mind, the way you TOUCH your lady can generate this feeling within her every bit as much and even more so than the things you say. Your big, strong hand in the lower curve of her back is one such touch.

    3. Your wife wants to be touched in soft-sexual ways

    Given the proper environment and stimulus, a woman is a very sexual being. And, a woman likes it best when her man helps her bring out her sexual side by HINTING at it by words and especially by touch.

    A direct breast-pinch or vulva-area grope is NOT a soft-sexual touch!

    A soft-sexual touch is gently “combing” your fingers through her fingers and softly grazing your finger-tips across her wrists, the top of her hand, her palms, down her fingers, and matching your finger-tips to her finger-tips.

    A soft-sexual touch is light finger-drawing anywhere on her body that she likes except her most intimate areas (that comes later).

    A soft-sexual touch is one that lets her know you find her appealing, attractive, and enjoyable.

    A soft-sexual touch is one that directs her attention to her own body and its desire for physical expression.

    And, with a little self-control, you can give your wife these kinds of touches that she enjoys so much, can’t you?

    In conclusion, if you were a husband who understood the art of flirting with your wife in a way that she found satisfying, you’d consistently do these three things:
    1.You’d frequently give your wife her kind of love.
    2.You’d often demonstrate to your wife that you claim her as your most cherished, sought-after prize.
    3.You’d regularly touch her in soft-sexual ways.

    And you’d consistently enjoy an affectionate, warm, highly-intimate relationship.

    Copyright 2008, Article by Calle Zorro. Permission is granted to reprint this article ONLY if a resource box pointing to http://www.marriedandhappy.com/ is included with it.

    WAIT WAIT

    theres the ‘angry man’ comments below!! :)

    Steve said…
    What crap. So my wife’s lack of interest is all my fault? Whatever happened to people being responsible for their own feelings? Plus this doesn’t recognize the very real differences from one woman to another. Some women are more sexual than others. I have the misfortune of being married to a wife who, as a previous therapist put it, “is not very sexual” (about the only thing that idiot got right).

    Plus the primary purpose of this blog is to sell e-books. If “Calle Zorro” really cared, he’d be putting this out on his blog for free.
    November 11, 2008 8:35 PM Anonymous said…
    Steve’s missing the point, If you want to turn your marriage around YOU have to change yourself. I’ve been married for 13 years and my wife never initiated sex. We had a very dark period for about three months when I found Calle Zorro’s articles and e-books. I started working on myself, and my now my wife is MORE sexual than she’s ever been, and I’m having to keep up with her now. It’s totally worth the price of the e-books. Don’t you think your wife is worth it?
    December 26, 2008 9:02 AM Anonymous said…
    Steve is correct, it’s a 2-way street. The author of this “genius” piece of writing seems to think that the origin of problems always begins and ends with the male of the species. What a LOAD of CRAP! Steve’s on the money.

    Beautiful, lovely prose, but embedded with 100% 1-way street garbage.

    It takes TWO (2) to create a situation of either good or ill – NOT just one.

    It’s amazing to me that you could be a man and write such tripe.

    Have a nice day,

    Graham
    May 18, 2009 1:48 AM Anonymous said…
    These men are idiots! The author understands women. If people were responsible for their own feelings then Steve would not have become angered or insulted by this article :-)
    May 30, 2009 6:39 AM Anonymous said…
    What they fail to understand is that in order to change things one must change themselves. The only way you can make a difference in this world is to lead by your own actions. If your marrage is not going well, the ONLY thing you can do is correct your own actions, controlling someone elses actions only leads to pain on both sides.
    July 23, 2009 10:42 AM Anonymous said…
    Steve and the rest will figure it out when their wives finally decide to leave them…as mine has. Now I’m changing myself in these ways and more to change her mind and prove that I can again be the man of her dreams. And it is slowly coming together. Read the Love Dare and see the movie Fireproof!

    jb
    March 19, 2010 1:27 PM

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 3:03am

  670. 670: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    tam, well…. I was working at home today and getting stuff sorted in house until last night….

    I went out with my friend. It was a gorgeous eve and a lot of the bars had their windows slid open like doors if that makes sense. Anyway we were walking past and I spotted a friend I waved and smiled but as I walked past thd bar (they were sat half outside) I noticed he was with another friend i knew and with ex of 2 years and his girlfriend! I felt so weak. My heart was pounding. I didn’t make eye contact with her and vaguely remember looking at him. Normally we all would have hugged and spent the eve together. But because she was there is was awkward… Eek… We just carried on to the next bar.

    His friend then texed me to say brew tomorrow? I’m off out in a couple of hours to have a cup of tea with him. I wonder what was said after? I wonder if she knew who I was? I so wish I had looked at him more. I just didn’t know what to do. I know she will have felt the tension maybe?

    Major awkward to as I’ve been speaking to ex of two years recently.

    I’ll fill you in on strummingman too in a few mins…

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 3:05am

  671. 671: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    “How Do I Seduce My Wife?

    The husband who wishes to enjoy sex more often must get clear on the fact that his wife is not interested in any kind of an offer where she loses.

    In other words, a man’s wife will almost always reject a seduction attempt if she in any way thinks, believes, or feels that in the final outcome she will lose.

    Now, there are an endless number of specific ways a woman can lose. Fortunately, we can wrap all of those variations up into a simple, easy-to-understand pattern – and it has to do with a wife giving more than she receives.

    I call this the Loss-Pattern and here it is:

    “In a woman’s mind, any situation where she can give physical and/or emotional pleasure without receiving an equal or greater level of physical and/or emotional pleasure in return is considered a loss situation that is to be avoided at all cost.”

    At first, this pattern may seem so broad as to not be very useful. But, after you think about it a little more, you’ll begin to see its usefulness and the beauty of its inherent flexibility.

    To start with, browse through the following list of examples where men commonly invoke the Loss-Pattern, causing their wife to avoid and reject his future sexual advances:

    1. A husband thinking only of himself and his pleasure before, during, and after the sexual act. He doesn’t notice or care if she’s into the experience or if she’s even really stimulated or turned on. He only cares about jumping in and taking care of himself.

    2. A husband failing to notice that his wife is uncomfortable or hurting during sex. Even worse, he notices her discomfort or pain but continues on because he only cares about getting himself off.

    3. A husband giving no regard to whether his wife might become pregnant or at risk health wise. A fertile woman takes on the risk of having to spend the next 20 (or more) years raising and caring for a child every time she engages in sex. Further, medical science tells us that a woman is at greater risk than a man is of contracting a STD or developing a sexual health problem such as a yeast infection.

    Husband, take a few moments to carefully compare this list to your own bedroom actions and behaviors. Consider it carefully because most men think it does NOT apply to them while their wife says that it DOES apply to them.

    The fact is, the husband who is guilty of any of these inconsiderate violations (and there are plenty more that could be listed) will soon find his woman resisting most or even all of his sexual advances.

    She’ll resist because he’s presenting her with an offer where he “wins” and she “loses”.

    Guess what?

    No wife is interested in that kind of offer.

    Now, let’s consider the “opportunity” aspect of the Loss-Pattern. Of special importance is the phrase, “physical and/or emotional pleasure”. This is especially important because it gives the husband multiple opportunities and paths by which he may seduce his wife.

    Ideally, a woman will get peak levels of pleasure both physically and emotionally from a sexual encounter. However, given the stresses, responsibilities, and constraints of life, this isn’t always possible.

    In general, a woman’s source of pleasure can cycle between the physical aspect and the emotional aspect of love-making. It all depends upon what’s going on in her life, what external influencers she may be encountering, where she’s at in her cycle (if she’s a menstruating woman), the approach of her husband, and a myriad of other factors that can move her from one aspect to the other.

    (On the fringes of normal, there are some women who have an under-developed sexual response and so their pleasure comes primarily from the emotional aspect of love-making. On the other extreme, there are women who have emotionally shut themselves down and so they only allow themselves to feel the physical aspect of love-making.)

    So again, the opportunity for the seducing husband is that there are multiple ways that he can give his wife pleasure.

    Perhaps one of the best examples of this concept that I’ve ever come across is the story of a woman who suffered a back injury that permanently paralyzed her from the waist down. The net effect was that she could feel nothing during sexual intercourse – and yet this woman wanted sex and enjoyed having sex with her husband.

    Now, how could that be?

    It was simply because her husband made it a very emotionally satisfying experience for her every time they made love.

    This brings us to the corollary Win-Pattern that every husband should firmly implant in his mind if he desires to successfully seduce his wife. The pattern is:

    “A woman will want to give physical and/or emotional pleasure any and every time she knows she can get an equal or greater level of physical and/or emotional pleasure in return.”

    As a husband becomes better and better at basing his seduction around the framework of this Win-Pattern, he’ll find himself becoming a better and better seducer – seducing his wife more and more often.

    Eventually, he’ll reach a Pavlovian-like sex-life. Just like Ivan Pavlov could ring a bell and his dogs started salivating because they expected to be fed, this kind of husband can ring the “sex bell” and his wife will start desiring sex because she expects to get physical and/or emotional pleasure.

    To some, this might sound a bit crass, but since it’s a win for both husband and wife, that makes it good.

    Copyright 2007, Article by Calle Zorro. Permission is granted to reprint this article ONLY if a resource box pointing to http://www.marriedandhappy.com/ is included with it.”

    REAL TALK! i spent my teens carefully calculating whethere i was getting more (getting oral sex) or he was (having sex with me) and not giving oral sex

    cuz i didnt want to be ‘played’ lol

    i feel so happy to be understood lol

    and i bet that that LOOk Guywho had was one of those ‘triggers’

    at first it was like nothing, after we had sex and it felt great it felt compelling and hypnotizing

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 3:23am

  672. 672: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    (((((Smile))))) eek! well handled

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 3:25am

  673. 673: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    now im remembering when i ran into Guywho at a party, was last time i saw him

    i refused to look at him, and the woman who he was with’s baby child liked me and kept running to me. the woman was clueless, and he even came to get her a foot away from me and i turned my nose up and looked the other way when he was picking her up

    hmm

    i wonder if i stayed open that mighta felt good, but i definintely would not want to Purposely go towards him

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 3:27am

  674. 674: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Autumn they do forget. I would tell him I thought of msgng but it felt overbearing and masculine

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 3:29am

  675. 675: ViNo Gravatar says:

    Femininewoman thank you. I feel glad you liked it.

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 3:32am

  676. 676: ViNo Gravatar says:

    ..I actually used this approach dealing with my numbness I felt towards my mom and soon it reshaped to more definite feelings. YAY! I am healing!!

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 3:35am

  677. 677: SirenityNo Gravatar says:

    I met a nice CD today..but I am feeling flat and unengaged. We actually have a LOT in common . He lives 2 hours away unfortunately.

    He has made it clear he wants to continue to meet.
    He implied I should drive to him next time. I explained I have some busy times in the next few weeks with school things .I am leaning back.

    I think I should feel excited about possibilities , and yet I just feel flat. I feel so worried that this inertia and lack of engagement is the result of a hugely traumatic year of illness and change , but that I cant seem to bounce back despite my external recovery..

    I am happy in my daily life, busy , physically better and looking good, losing weight and active but I cant feel attraction anymore. I just feel blank and seized up when a man shows interest.

    I would love to know if any post menopausal Sirens could enlighten me as to whether they still feel hot for a man they just met, or excited about possibilities or ANYTHING. I am struggling with this.

    The illness was cancer, with four surgeries, instant menopause and some may remember I also had a very traumatic event around the man I loved at the time.

    Any input welcome.

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 3:41am

  678. 678: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks Daria, it feels good to read you felt I handled it well. 

    Especially as the reason I deleted him off fb because seeing pictures of them together triggered me, real life seeing them together made me feel a whole host of emotions. I felt in control though. Yey me!

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 3:46am

  679. 679: TamNo Gravatar says:

    670…oh smile, interesting..seems to be a lot happening in your life right now..

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 3:48am

  680. 680: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    So strumming man …

    After our intense evening, he’s emailed me a few times. He’s coming over next Saturday to get the bed. He said hes doing it in two trips then he’ll have a shower and pick a takeaway up on way back.

    He said the other night he wanted to ‘talk’ about the relationship at some point…

    What does a guy mean when he says this? I feel we’ve done nothing but talk about it…?

    I feel confused? Does he want to raise issues that went wrong? And talk about them specifically?

    I don’t want to go back in the past…Although I want to appologise for being controlling. I want to say that I recognise some of the things I did now as being controlling and I don’t want to do this anymore.

    It feels nice to email again though. In the past it has really built up a lot of emotional connection.

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 3:53am

  681. 681: ViNo Gravatar says:

    hehe I imagined I am choosing new beliefs for myself and I feel like a small girl in a candy shop! And I can choose whatever I want and even that I am loved by the men I choose and this feels normal to me and I don’t go into denial that they do care .. hehe :-) this candy goes in a pink sparkly wrap and round shape.. and it doesn’t feel scary .. it feels sweet and so anticipated! I can do it! it feels like fun! and yum! baby steps…

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 3:53am

  682. 682: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    Tam, yup, it feels intense and emotional right now. But I feel strong. I forgivemyself in advance if I fall off my horse but so far so good.

    At least I know I’m living!

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 3:55am

  683. 683: TamNo Gravatar says:

    680…well, Smile, if a man wants to talk about the relationship in my view that’s a major thing. A really good thing….

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 3:55am

  684. 684: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    Help…

    I’m meeting a guy friend ‘just a friendship’ for a cup of tea. We have arranged a time but I don’t know where to meet him? Should I assume at his house?

    I was thinking of texting…

    Great, we having the brew in or out?
    Or
    Great, shall I meet you at yours?

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 3:58am

  685. 685: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    Tam, yeh, he’s actually being very open about feelings. I’m noticing the Rori effect in him that other sirens have talked about too. I’ll just be open to him bringing it up again.

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 4:00am

  686. 686: TamNo Gravatar says:

    684, I’d go with the first txt

    regarding strumming man..I have a feeling you will be surprised…oh it’s all so exciting…

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 4:03am

  687. 687: SenaraNo Gravatar says:

    Hmmm, I just love peaceful Saturday mornings. I’m just waking up slowly with a cup of coffee and reading the blog, trying to catch up while my man is still sleeping upstairs.

    I really like the fact that I don’t have to be careful with making noise or not (the floors are so creaky here!) since he’s a “deep” sleeper. One more thing I’m happy with is I have this strange tendency to talk to myself while reading. He knows about this but I don’t think he’s aware that I do it “that” much. hehe

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 4:06am

  688. 688: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    My Wife Has Lost Her Desire for Sex and Intimacy: A Story for Men…

    It usually goes something like this…

    They meet and start dating in high-school – or in some cases, in college. After graduation, they marry.

    She goes to work in a lower-end job – something like teaching – which she enjoys to some extent – but it isn’t her “everything”.

    He, enters into some kind of mid-range job – and the “potential” of a great career looms clearly before him.

    And of course, he has his hobbies and the things he does with his friends…golf, motorcycles, fishing, racing, and so on.

    Along the way, children come along – along with the corresponding bigger cars, house, etc.

    In the morning, as he leaves for work, the man kisses his wife goodbye and when he gets home, he hugs her and tells her he deeply loves her.

    Time speeds by…

    Occasionally, the wife complains to her husband that she feels like her and the children are taking a back seat to his work and hobbies. And, for a time, he’ll “cut back” – just long enough for the “storm” to “blow over” and then he’s back to “life as usual”.

    Besides, the man knows that he loves his wife and children and so he doesn’t feel that his wife’s concerns are justifiable.

    More time speeds by…

    And, what with all of his work and hobbies, it’s hard for the man to find enough time to be able to devote any significant time to his marriage relationship.

    Every so often, another “storm” blows up…

    The wife gets depressed.

    She goes through emotional “hard times” for no apparent reason.

    But, they talk and the wife tells the husband that she doesn’t feel like she’s a priority to him – although she readily admits that he is a good husband and father. Not only that, she tells him that she understands how important his career is and how important it is for him to continue “climbing the ladder of success”.

    And so after talking, the storm seems to blow over and everything appears to be ok…

    And since by his wife’s own admission, the man is a “good” husband and father, he just continues on with life as he knows it – work and hobbies, work and hobbies, work and hobbies.

    Then five, sometimes ten, oftentimes fifteen or twenty years later, the woman “surprises” the husband with the “news” that she no longer loves him and that she wants out of the marriage.

    It’s usually at that point that the husband is awakened to the fact for all of this time, he has been a priority to his wife while she has NOT been a priority to him and that she “cohabitated” in that lonely existence for as long as she possibly could – and now she doesn’t even want the marriage – let alone want the marriage to work.

    The husband foolishly and mistakenly assumed that his wife would just always love him – without any maintenance or effort on his part – as he enjoyed life doing his own thing.

    And now, more than anything, the husband wants the marriage to work out…and she doesn’t…

    For too long, HE has put HIMSELF first…and SHE too has put him and the children first…

    For too long, HE has done whatever he wanted to make himself happy…and SHE too has done whatever it took to make him happy…

    For too long, the wife has put herself aside as she tries to make sure her husband got the things he wanted.

    For too long, the wife has supported the man in his happiness and success. On the other hand, the man has given little to no support to his wife for her happiness and success.

    Through the years, the wife would occasionally attempt to engage in something she was interested in – and she would quickly run into the “dark cloud” of the man’s displeasure for having to watch the kids or sacrifice his own interests and needs – and so, she would once again, set her needs and interests aside.

    She suppressed “herself” and that lack of “expression” began to build – building like toxins and waste in an unhealthy body…

    Now, she has reached the point where she is so emotionally shut down that short of a Divine miracle, the relationship is beyond repair.

    The fact is, the wife is done with the man and his selfishness.

    Ironically, now that the man realizes he is losing her, he wants nothing but his wife.

    Now, the husband wants his wife to “communicate” her feelings.

    Now, he wants her to “talk about” her needs and interests.

    Now, she’s not interested.

    Why should she be?

    For all those years prior, HE wasn’t interested in really listening to and attending to her emotions, desires, and needs!

    He was only interested in “listening” just long enough for her to shut up, get over her emotional spell (or as he really felt, her emotional weakness), and leave him alone so he could go on doing his own thing.

    Why should she now believe that he cares about her feelings, desires, and needs?

    Why should she now believe that he will actually make a permanent change – one where she is a priority in his life?

    After all, his mode of operation for the entire marriage has been to “gloss” over her feelings, desires, and needs.

    So, why should she put herself in a vulnerable position again?

    Why should she go back into a position where her feelings get crushed all over again?

    After all, his attitude was always one of, “This will all blow over. She’ll get over it.”

    It was her unattended feelings, desires, and needs that caused all those “storms to blow up” through the years and every time, after the “clouds” cleared away, he was his same old unchanged self.

    And each time this happened, the man unknowingly twisted an invisible dagger deeper and deeper into the woman’s heart that left HER feeling number than the time before.

    Until finally, as it pertains to this man, her heart is “dead”. She’s “stone cold”. Her love is gone…her heart is gone…she’s gone.

    There is ZERO desire in her heart to “try” anymore.

    She has ZERO interest in “cohabitating” with a “kid” in a man’s body who gets all the toys and has all the fun while she sits on the sidelines lonely, unhappy, and unfulfilled.

    In fact, she has ZERO tolerance for even one more hour of being alone while her supposed-to-be-husband is off “making the boss happy” or “doing his weekend thing with his buddies”.
    Of course, there were “signs” all along the way…

    But, in all of his “rambunctious energy”, the man blew right past them and ignored them…

    At least, most of them…

    One of them was kind of hard for him to ignore…

    The affection, intimacy, and sex became less and less frequent.

    Early on in their marriage, it was a common thing for the man to hold her or to touch her hair or to kiss her and even to initiate sex – and she always responded and reciprocated.

    But, as time went on, he still did these things but she slowly stopped responding and reciprocating.

    Unfortunately, as her needs continued to go unnoticed and unmet, he “barreled on down the road” – turning to the comfort and enjoyment found in his work, career, friends, and hobbies.

    Sadly, when they talk now, it’s through attorneys.

    What about YOUR marriage?
    My hope is that things aren’t quite this far gone for you yet. My hope is that there’s still a chance you can turn things for the better in your marriage.

    Copyright 2008, Article by Calle Zorro. Permission is granted to reprint this article ONLY if a resource box pointing to http://www.marriedandhappy.com/ is included with it.

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 4:12am

  689. 689: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    Tam, 686… I love surprises!

    now off for this cup of tea with ex of 2 years best friend. Were staying in which feels a relief. I couldn’t handle bumping in to them out together again in such a short space of time.

    I wonder if he will contact me about last night… Hmmm

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 4:23am

  690. 690: SenaraNo Gravatar says:

    624 (((Tam)))

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 4:33am

  691. 691: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:

    Good morning Lilibee!

    @618,

    ‘I tapped with my own lovelife situation in mind.’

    I feel curious, did you change the affirmations for ‘love life’ ones, or simply had it in mind?

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 4:51am

  692. 692: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:

    (((Babysteps)))

    ‘Do u know of any men who came back after being silent for 5 days or longer?’

    Absolutely! M was silent for 2 weeks last summer and again in January. He always comes back.

    I am working on shifting my vibe. It is the best thing you can do to.

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 4:56am

  693. 693: forest sirenNo Gravatar says:

    ((((tam)))) I love Jane eyre too and it triggers the exact same emotions in me! I think it’s good tho to know what we want and how we want it to feel.

    I guess the blog here can be like boot camp where we learn all the tools and skills and then get to go practice them. Florida will be intense practice!

    I can still see how my automatic reaction is to caretake the other persons felings. I was with a cd yesterday. He was grumpy about money. It took a real effort on my part to pause and talk about how I feel about money and how money affects me rather than jumping into asking him lots of questions. I forced myself to stay silent and it’s true he really opened up whenI stayed quiet and listened or played with my lip gloss. When I was leaving I have to say I felt good I felt not depleted or drained.

    Last night I had an amazing night with my girlfriends. I love connecting with my women friends we share so many good laughs and are there for each other.

    I heard from Lionman. He wants me to do something for him, to help him with something. I feel scared about responding. It felt so good to hear his voice but he sounded rushed and busy and lots of noise in the background. The opposite of how I feel when we are quiet and connected. I don’t even know how to respond. Being asked just to do something ‘useful’ makes me feel unseen and invisible. It would feel so good to do something fun not meet to do something practical which feels to me like an excuse for contact with no real stepping up on his part.

    I feel scared that everything I’ve learned here flies out the window with him. I feel scared he will be angry I haven’t called back and he thinks of me as trying to manipulate him into feeling like he misses me (he has said that when I told him I had no desire to be friends if we broke up) ….

    I feel terrified to say any of this so I default to texting it. But I’m the one who told him I was annoyed by texting and wanted phone calls. Now he calls and I’m too afraid to respond.

    Ugh. I feel hopeless that his can ever be turned around.

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 4:58am

  694. 694: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    I’m home from gym now and TH initially asked me to go to his house, but because my daughter is home with friends I couldn’t. He then asked if he could see me tomorrow.

    I think he’ll end up going to that friend’s party tonight and while I feel disappointed, it’s not like I can go anymore anyway. I let my daughter invite friends over because TH hadn’t confirmed, so I assumed he wasn’t taking me with him. Oh well.. :)

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 5:05am

  695. 695: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    forest siren – lol ! im laughing cuz of how much i can imagine myself in that situation

    i would not respond either lol

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 5:06am

  696. 696: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i don’t have to respond, i don’t want to respond to stuff that doesn’t feel good

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 5:06am

  697. 697: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:

    BW,

    I think you did good as he should learn to let you know in advance for plans… You were not ‘available’ (even if it’s to stay home with your daughter and her friends) as he waited for last minute and that will make him think about future plans a little in advance. :-)

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 5:09am

  698. 698: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:

    Forest Siren,
    (((Forest Siren)))

    “I heard from Lionman. He wants me to do something for him, to help him with something. I feel scared about responding. It felt so good to hear his voice but he sounded rushed and busy and lots of noise in the background. The opposite of how I feel when we are quiet and connected”

    Oh! I can see how that can make you feel this way. i don’t like it when communications over the phone got awry because of background noise, it can be so distracting and get our train of thoughts into gear.

    (((Forest Siren)))

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 5:12am

  699. 699: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Smile I don’t believe you need to know what he meant by wanting to talk. He didn’t. Let him lead so you can know which step to make next. When he does, just stay in the moment. I am not sure I would “bring” up the controlling bit. Men forget. If he does then I would thank him for bring it to my attention because I rather respect him as a human being rather than be controlling. Remember to include respect and appreciate in your vocabulary when he brings it up.

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 5:20am

  700. 700: SassyNo Gravatar says:

    Sirenity,

    So sorry to hear about your illnesses and surgeries.
    I had an early menopause at 48. (im now almost 57). I’m now on HRT, but I “lost” my physical desire a few years ago.
    It seems now that the only time I get “turned on” is by a lot
    of foreplay both physically and mentally. It takes quite awhile to heat up. And if I’m not ready physically, intercourse is painful.
    We all know the brain is our biggest sex organ, it appears it needs a whole lot more stimulation to prepare the rest of the body.
    Maybe Dominique can address some of your issues more intensely.

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 5:21am

  701. 701: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    “i don’t want to respond to stuff that doesn’t feel good”

    I know what you mean. Particularly when I notice I am feeling defensive. So I just don’t anymore.

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 5:22am

  702. 702: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Hi forest siren…..oh, I can relate to a lot of what you are saying about lionman, like all you have learnt going out of the window.
    I feel like that about MrP, hence my anxiousness and sometimes I question whether I really want to see him again and the answer is often a little squeaky ‘no’.
    He also asked me to help him with something, and yes, like in your case I also believe it is an ‘excuse’ to make contact and plan something in the future without authenticity and stepping up on his part, but then perhaps we are too judgmental.
    I really don’t know what to say…or do.
    So I can’t advise you either..hehe..urgh.
    Just as well I am off to see my best friend and her baby now….it does make me feel that I miss out on so much, but it will make me feel busy with no time to think also.
    That’s good!

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 5:23am

  703. 703: SassyNo Gravatar says:

    According to Steve Harvey, men notice five things about women:
    1. Hair
    2. Lips
    3. Nails
    4. Legs
    5. Derrière

    Any thought, comments, ladies?

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 5:27am

  704. 704: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    I know a guy who admires boobs. I think it remind some of them of how it felt lying on their moms chest as a kid from what I have heard some of them say.

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 5:37am

  705. 705: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    I have a friend who told me he loved his wife’s nose. He thought it was cute.

    I believe different men are attracted to different things.

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 5:39am

  706. 706: TamNo Gravatar says:

    I feel like crying.
    One of my friends posted on my fb timeline
    ‘you are the most amazing woman on earth I know’

    She is a little younger and has always asked me for advice on career/men etc. and I have told her time and time again to not worry about what people think of her, follow her feelings and her heart and just go for it.
    Well, she has ‘upped sticks’ and moved with the love of her life to the Caribbean…and is very happy now.

    I feel undeserving of such praise and moreover, i feel my ‘advice’ and my beliefs have just not worked for me. but I am happy that she is happy.
    And it feels nice to be thought of and appreciated..

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 5:43am

  707. 707: RebeccaNo Gravatar says:

    Sassy

    I sort of agree with your list. I think men go for how a woman carries herself.

    I think they like breasts full stop !! I think its purely because they signify we are different from them.

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 5:45am

  708. 708: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    OMG LOVEALWAYS your story is so inspiring

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 5:49am

  709. 709: Goddess LilyNo Gravatar says:

    (((Tam)))

    You are well deserving of praise! Let that uplift you in the dark times. You are an amazing woman for helping others. Don’t forget it….your friend didn’t :-)

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 5:52am

  710. 710: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    (((((((((((FlowerChild)))))))))) I really hope your son is getting better.

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 5:53am

  711. 711: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    ‘Jeff Probst Show’ Instead of Dying … He Got Married

    Bob, 92, hoped moving into a retirement home would ‘hurry up’ death. But then, he laid eyes on his precious Eileen.

    What happened minutes after they met

    http://www.aol.com/video/couple-finds-love-at-a-retirement-home/517471709/

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 5:55am

  712. 712: Goddess LilyNo Gravatar says:

    Sassy,

    I’m in love with that list just the way it is! Mostly because I don’t have big breasts (and that’s by biggest insecurity) but I’ve got the rest of the list down!

    Where did Steve Harvey say that?

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 5:56am

  713. 713: RebeccaNo Gravatar says:

    ((((tam)))) don’t be so hard on yourself.

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 5:58am

  714. 714: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Hi ,

    Today I was rearranging my office and cleaning out the old, organizing the new. Guess I have the back to school vibe going!

    I came across a handwritten page of my personal
    tapping that I thought I would share with you. These are tapping phrases that are very personal to me and got me through a lot of tough times.

    As I was leaving the corporate world and trying to be a coach, I had to start from zero…no clients, no income. It was difficult to have faith sometimes in whether or not I could even get enough clients to start never mind my crazy goal of reaching thousands and publishing books.

    So…when I started to lose faith, doubt myself, doubt the law of attraction…doubt I would ever reach my dreams, I would start tapping.

    I knew I had to shift and shift fast.

    Do you ever feel that way?

    I think it would be pretty hard to be human and not feel like this sometimes. Those are tough moments, and if they linger too long…we can get lost in them and lose our way.

    So today I typed up the tapping I had written out on this page and offer it to you, maybe it will help you in one of those tough moments of fear and challenges of faith.

    And maybe it will remind you that you are not alone, we all struggle with these moments, but with presence and attention…and some tapping…they will pass and miracles will flow!

    I think, in some way, these affirmation-like tapping phrases were like my prayers or my spiritual practice. I do know that they would take me from doubt and fear to presence and wholeness, and then all the way back to the “YES, I can do this!” excitement!

    And from THAT place and that vibe, I took action and attracted miracles.

    I hope you like them, they are below!

    Xoxo

    Margaret
    ****************************************************
    To use these tapping phrases, I often tap just a few of
    my favorite tapping points.

    Note: You could start any of these tapping phrases
    with “even though I am freaking out, overwhelmed
    and have NO faith right now….”

    Tapping on your favorite points at your own pace:

    I chose to all my innate, God-given brilliance to
    shine out into the world for the highest good of all.
    I let go of all the “how’s and when’s” and focus on
    giving my gifts at the highest level.

    It is my intention to allow divine guidance to lead me to my highest purpose in life in the way that is perfectly suited to my desires, my personality and innate abilities. I am divinely guided, blessed, safe, abundant. The steps WILL appear before me just as I need them.

    It is my intention to be, in some way, a light of healing, inspiration and transformation for others, my family, my friends, clients and future clients and everyone who reads my work or hears me speak.
    I surrender all the things I “need” to happen and remember this.

    I put my faith in the divine wisdom of the universe abundantly providing for me as I am always guided to my life’s purpose. I remember that that divine loves and supports me always.

    In joy, I am creating everything in my life every day, in every moment. I am a powerful creator!

    I feel joyous anticipation about what is on its way to me, excited anticipation about what will happen next. From this place, I am a powerful magnet
    drawing to me all that I need to fulfill my life purpose.

    Margaret M. Lynch – MargaretMLynch.com

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 6:02am

  715. 715: RebeccaNo Gravatar says:

    Goddess Lilly

    I think men just love breats – any shape or size!

    My breast size has gone up and down wirh my weight. A few times I’ve been almost flat chested – and thats when I’ve attracted the most men into my life…

    I think the key may be to be feminine

    When I feel over weight I seemy breast as big, swollen and slightly repulsive.

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 6:03am

  716. 716: luzydelNo Gravatar says:

    Dw Texted me (I don’t know why he likes to text so much). However, I am feeling drifting away from him; I know he is physically attracted to me, but he is not getting closer emotionally. He once told me his ex hurt him so much that he doesn’t feel he can do another relationship again. That is when I et him alone and started CDing full time; he kept contacte and asked me about my dates and “making sure” I was safe and sometimes even hinting to have a sexual relationship.

    I told him I would do it, but will keep meeting others, he didn’t like that and we stopped contact for a few months and then I met “S” and dated him for three months exclusively. “S” was a scam with a lot of issues, but I learned a lot from the relationship; after “S” I took a moth off CDing and just dated myself; and then met like six men out of POF. Now again “Dw” is back and again he said he wants me and likes me more than I give him credit for, but that he wants to start “slow” and he want things to happen “naturally”…OK I get that, but he hardly spend time with me, when we do and is amazingly intense, then he hides for a few days, then suddenly appears and the cycle starts over and over; he is the typical rubber-band man and I don’t know if this will move forward… I am cding; (he doesn’t know it) I went on three dates with virgo guy, but I felt no attraction for him so I let him go, I am not longer on pof, but joined other sites, and I am flirting with a guy at work… but I still feel so drawn to “Dw” he is so sweet when he is with me, sometimes I feel he gets nervous when I am close to him, I don’t know what to make of this, maybe I should let it be, keep cding and et surprised…

    Just wanted to vent :)

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 6:04am

  717. 717: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    711 FW – I LOVE that!

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 6:07am

  718. 718: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you Goddess Lilly :)

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 6:13am

  719. 719: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    There’s something I’ve noticed in twenty years of talking to women about love…

    The ones who suffer the most and have the biggest problems with men are FEELERS, not thinkers.

    Another name for them could be “romantic fools” – who follow their head over their heart.

    Stereotyping tells us that women are more emotional than men.

    Like all stereotypes, it’s not always true…

    Believe it or not, lots of men are “romantic fools,” too, and suffer greatly because of their “foolishness” as well. And lots of women are very practical when it comes to love.

    If you’re not sure if you’re a romantic fool or not, ask yourself:

    When you make a commitment to yourself, can you keep it?

    Like – if you promise yourself that you’ll only date or marry a certain kind of man, can you follow through on what you’ve told yourself?

    Or do those plans go right out the window the next time you have a big WOW connection to a guy (who’s NOTHING like the kind you really want)?

    Or if you promise yourself that you’ll FOR SURE find a guy within a certain amount of time, but then it gets hard (the rejection, the boring set-ups or internet dates that feel like a waste of time, no one interests you enough, etc.) so you stop trying…

    Or you promise yourself the opposite – that you’ll stay single and focus on yourself for a while, and especially avoid all “bad boys” no matter what.

    But then you meet a super hot guy and find out pretty much nothing about him before you sleep with him, and the next thing you know you’re in love.

    With a jerk…

    Again.

    If you’ve done any of the above over and over – yup, you’re a romantic fool.

    Another name for you could be “the highly sensitive woman.”

    Many women who turn to astrology are “highly sensitive.”

    And this can be seen in their stars.

    Highly sensitive women have unique challenges in relationships – and bring unique gifts.

    But they MUST protect themselves or they can get FAR more hurt than their less sensitive sisters…

    You see, a woman that’s not as sensitive won’t take rejection as hard, and won’t take boredom or a few bad set-ups or “go nowhere” internet dates so badly.

    And when she meets a super hot guy, she can keep her head on straight and be careful to get to know him before she gets all starry-eyed and dreamy about him to the point of no return.

    If a guy is a jerk, she moves on, telling herself just that – that he’s a jerk.

    She just keeps going, knowing that it’s all just “part of the process” and “life.”

    No big deal.

    And it’s certainly NOT PERSONAL.

    But the sensitive woman feels things so deeply that to her EVERYTHING is personal.

    If a man rejects her, maybe there’s something wrong with her.

    If a man is a jerk, maybe it’s her fault somehow. (YIKES!)

    So she thinks she has to try just a little harder to bring out his best. (DOUBLE YIKES!)

    So she can end up staying wayyyyy too long, and working wayyyyy too hard for love that isn’t worth it in the end.

    As a result, sensitive women are often single.

    Chronically single.

    Sometimes for years and years.

    You see, they get so hurt, and they bond so deeply often with the wrong people, that they KNOW they can’t trust themselves.

    But what I didn’t know until years later was that the trait of “high sensitivity” is also genetic! And is every bit as much a part of someone as their skin color and eye color.

    One of the incredible things I’ve learned about highly sensitive people is that they’re not just emotionally different than non-highly sensitive people, they’re also PHYSICALLY different.

    They have stronger SENSES – which is why they’re so sensitive!

    They literally see things more intensely, hear things more loudly, smell things more strongly, and feel things more powerfully.

    So it’s not that they’re being “difficult” or “high maintenance.”

    They can’t help it. The world is truly a louder, smellier, brighter, more dramatic place for them.

    So they must do certain things to not become overwhelmed by their senses, and to protect their nervous systems.

    Carol Allen

    P.S. One of the challenges I see us “sensitive” women have all the time in relationships can cause years of needless pain and drama.

    We’re amazingly gifted at seeing the deep, inner self of a man (you know – his essence) and fall for that beautiful part of him, even if his outer self (you know – his personality) SUCKS…

    So we keep going back for more disappointment (bad behavior, mistreatment, downright abuse) because we know DEEP DOWN that he’s really good inside.

    And we’re just sure that if we love him enough, and try hard enough, we’ll inspire his goodness to come bursting forth, one of these days.

    And sometimes it does. For a while.

    But not always for long…

    So they often stop dating or making any effort at all.

    It just takes way too much out of them.

    Which is such a shame. Because they have so much to offer a man. And with the right strategy, and the right support they can have amazing love lives…

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 6:14am

  720. 720: luzydelNo Gravatar says:

    719: Femininewoman

    I am a highly sensitive woman, and according to my natal chart, having three planets on pisces makes me very sensitive.

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 6:24am

  721. 721: SirenityNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks Sassy,

    Its something nobody talks about..sex , desire and menopause. I used to be very high libido and now its like an empty nothing feeling . I looked across at CD today and thought , nice guy , very into me, cute, sexy blue eyes and couldnt feel anything , couldnt even feel curiosity…uuughh.

    This is actually the biggest loss to me of all.

    Sex is in the brain to be sure , but I so wish i could take hormonal treatment to fire mine up a little.

    Maybe I just need to meet the right man.

    I do have the hair (long dark blonde thick), nails (manicured nice shape, lips..cute , derriere..so-so..legs..excellent. Hmmm I feel better and hopeful of attracting someone who lights my sparkle again.

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 6:28am

  722. 722: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Luzydel my daughter is Pisces too and there is no doubt in my mind that she is a HSP too.

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 6:41am

  723. 723: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    I dunno Sirenity. I am wondering if it is related to the HRT?

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 6:41am

  724. 724: SassyNo Gravatar says:

    The Steve Harvey show was on tv yesterday , that’s where he stated this list. I was kind of surprised at the nails part. I’ve never had a man say anything about my nails!
    And yes, different men are attracted to different things, as are we.

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 6:45am

  725. 725: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    I have had men say things about my nails. More than one man over the years. Sassy I would kinda massage/caress my hand when with a man, just to see what happens. If he asks why you are doing that, I would tell him it feels soothing and sensual to caress my hand. Think Siren hypnotizing power. I believe he might follow suit.

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 6:48am

  726. 726: SassyNo Gravatar says:

    I am DEFINITELY a highly sensitive woman/person.

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 6:48am

  727. 727: luzydelNo Gravatar says:

    FW Im a a cusp sign, aries-pisces, I do have the warrior strong out side, but sensitive inside. Hence my issues with expressing my feelings.

    People think I am strong, tough, fearless, but deep down I am a kitten, not a tigress lol

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 6:49am

  728. 728: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Luzydel that sounds so much like me and I am Aries.

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 6:51am

  729. 729: SassyNo Gravatar says:

    Sirenity,

    You are so right, we post-menopausal women are just kinda left out here on our own.
    Actually, once I started the HRT, (after a very long discussion with my GYN, who actually wants me on it due to my osteoporosis), I have had some positive physical changes.
    I would be happy to discuss this further any time Sirenity. If you’re uncomfortable, we can take it off blog.

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 6:53am

  730. 730: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    Yesterday I practiced flirting at a gas station. I was wearing a dress for my interview. I smiled and made eye contact with the man on the other side of the gas pump. He smiled, and after a few more times of catching his eye and smiling, he winked and waved at me a couple times, LOL! It felt fun.

    Then my Mom yelled at me in the car after we left for flirting with a stranger, LOL!

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 6:56am

  731. 731: AnnieNo Gravatar says:

    I am so HSP. Used to get called highly strung, difficult touchy grumpy the lot.

    The good side OMG when it’s good it feels incredible, multi orgasmic the lot I had to stop reading 50 shades of grey as I felt to emotional. the not so good side when I spiral down in those pits the pain I feel is excruiating to the point that I have wanted to end my life to make the pain go away.
    It really is like heaven and hell.

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 6:57am

  732. 732: SassyNo Gravatar says:

    FW, I like that! Caressing the hand, hmmm have to try that.
    Kinda like caressing your neck in their presence as Patti Contenta suggest….

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 6:57am

  733. 733: AnnieNo Gravatar says:

    I just so wish I had none this years ago.
    I feel sad for the lost years, but feel thankful that at least I know now.

    With Love, Mimi Tanner
    …relationship advice and opinions

    Hey Beautiful,

    Here is a very important story from “Lisa” that shows how crazy life (and love!) can be:

    Hi Mimi; I really want to share my story because the lessons I learned can help others.

    I was so in love with my ex; I just had to have him. I chased him to no end during 1.5 years of being apart. I knew we were going to eventually be together and we did get back together.

    We ended up married with 2 children. We were married for fifteen years – and it was a very unhappy marriage. I always felt I loved him way more than he loved me, and I gave much more to the relationship than he did.

    To make a long story short, he was often disrespectful to me and my family and never considered my feelings on most issues. It was a good marriage when I agreed with his wishes. But if I didn’t, he was terrible to be around.

    It got to the point I actually fell out of love with him ten years into the marriage, but I had put so much into the relationship that I just couldn’t leave for many years.

    We are no longer together, and now he is devastated, and has done everything he can to get me back, but I have nothing left to give.

    I think all your advice, Mimi, makes sense. If I had just left the guy alone, then either he would have chased me, and would have valued a relationship with me, or I would have met a more suitable partner.

    It doesn’t pay to want something that badly. Just let it go and whatever will be will be and let nature take its course – that’s my lesson.

    I have never been happier than being on my own and my true self, not a molded version of what my ex wanted, just to be with him. I was not happy even though I had a man I wanted.

    Regards,
    “Lisa”

    Thank you, Lisa, for sharing this. Isn’t life crazy? She worked so hard to win the heart of the man she wanted, and then their relationship was so miserable that finally fell out of love with him, and eventually ended the relationship. After all that, the roles reversed, and he then wanted what he’d had for fifteen years and now no longer had.

    Lisa says that if she had let life take its course, without chasing him, then she would have enjoyed a healthy relationship with a man who truly wanted her – either this man or another one – instead of trying to make a relationship happen that was not meant to be.

    It’s crazy how the tables can get turned, and sometimes, too late.

    Chasing a man can lead to unhappiness. Let him chase YOU. Let it be his “idea” (that you innocently caused to happen with your charm). Go with the flow – and the Flirt! And when life is closing a door in your face romantically, it’s usually best to say, “Thank you for that wise message!”

    Have a great day, and keep your Flirt on!

    With love,
    Mimi Tanner

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 6:58am

  734. 734: AnnieNo Gravatar says:

    Known not none.

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 6:58am

  735. 735: MissStixNo Gravatar says:

    Senara 687

    Good morning! Me too :)

    Mmmmmm coffee and sunrises <3

    I love the dense and quiet stillness of an early weekend morning.

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 7:00am

  736. 736: luzydelNo Gravatar says:

    I want to learn how to let those feelings out; I want the aries woman let the pisces woman express herself sometimes; I know the aries woman will protect me, but the pisces woman needs to bring men closer with her sensuality and emotions. Aries woman is my masculine side and pisces is my feminine side…

    I want to experiment express my feelings with Dw, because Dw is very protective and when I do he feels so flattered…(he’s a leo)…I know that I am taking a chance, but I’ve taken bigger chances and here I am…

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 7:02am

  737. 737: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    all it takes is practice to use our energy for ourselves.

    i believe we are all ‘highly’ sensitive

    the ones who think they aren’t are shut down,

    and the ones who are and feel comfortable have learned to use their energy

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 7:03am

  738. 738: Goddess LilyNo Gravatar says:

    RE: 719. I’m both highly sensitive and an irritatingly logical thinker. And I do feel things stronger than my friends. I smell things they don’t, noises drive me nuts and they hear nothing. They don’t understand me. And then my doctor listened to me talk and she said I have a highly developed frontal lobe, lol. She said I should play chess.

    I often get frustrated with my two sides, emotional and logical, fighting against each other, or worse, both working together against me.

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 7:15am

  739. 739: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Hi sirens! It’s a rainy day here, but I got up and took the dog for a walk, cleaned my garage up enough that I can park in it if I want, changed the wreath on my door to my favorite fall one, and caught up on the blog. Feels good to get a lot done in not a lot of time. I’m going to make a pot of homemade soup too. I feel I’m a highly sensitive person and Mr. C. Has said several times that I take things too personally. I wonder if that’s something you can change…. To be less sensitive. It really depends on the situation though. I can let things roll off my back most of the time, mostly it’s in romantic type situations. I tried to share with him how I feel about positive energy, LOA, my aura, that things are meant to be. He thought that sounded like magic… He believes everything good that happens, you make it happen, the rest is just coincidence. That’s probably pretty typical for a man. He didn’t seem to like that about me though, seemed almost to discount it. Which surprised me because he says how lucky I am, he loves my idealistic view…. I don’t know, think that’s where the blah feelings started. Maybe it was a mirror I needed to feel judged.

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 7:17am

  740. 740: MissStixNo Gravatar says:

    FW 719

    Reading this…At first I felt mildly insulted. Strange lol I AM that sensitive woman but I do not feel I am described here. “I am highly sensitive but that doesn’t describe me! This person doesn’t know what they’re talking about…”

    Ohhh but then it dawned on me! Rewind a few years and yup. There I am in that article.

    I am so glad I became aware of my own sensitivity. I don’t have to feel bad that I lost it, or don’t have it anymore. I can feel so glad I became aware of it so it doesn’t RULE me anymore!

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 7:23am

  741. 741: MissStixNo Gravatar says:

    ” The world is truly a louder, smellier, brighter, more dramatic place for them.”

    Oh this resonates.

    Too much light is SO much sharp pain. Hot lasers hitting my eyes and refracting their evil beams on the back of my skull. Sunglasses are my best friend. I wear them year round.

    Too much noise…Not the level of volume but too many different noises all at once feels like utter chaos. Pressure builds inside my ears. It tries to create a wall to block the sounds but it just ends up feeling bad. Like urghhh arghhhh too much!

    (((awareness)))

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 7:30am

  742. 742: MissStixNo Gravatar says:

    Edit for moderation:

    ” The world is truly a louder, smellier, brighter, more dramatic place for them.”

    Oh this resonates.

    Too much light is SO much sharp pain. Hot lasers hitting my eyes and refracting their ev!l beams on the back of my skull. Sunglasses are my best friend. I wear them year round.

    Too much noise…Not the level of volume but too many different noises all at once feels like utter chaos. Pressure builds inside my ears. It tries to create a wall to block the sounds but it just ends up feeling bad. Like urghhh arghhhh too much!

    (((awareness)))

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 7:32am

  743. 743: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    im feeling ‘highly sensitive’ right now

    all turmoiled

    im gonna listen to a Wendi friesen hypnosis audio

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 7:32am

  744. 744: MissStixNo Gravatar says:

    I feel intrigued. Piqued.

    Becoming more aware of my physical sensitivities, tapping into them and embracing them helped to create a shield around my emotional sensitivities. It looks like a calm and hazy yellow glow around me. A few different spheres around different areas of my body. Bubble shields shooting out from a stem. One rooted in my chest. One in my head. One in my pelvis. Their edges overlapping. The glow projects outward from their surfaces but there is an empty space between them and me. A soft and comfy cusion of love for me.

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 7:46am

  745. 745: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Turquoise – He didn’t seem to like that about me though, seemed almost to discount it.

    This would be a red flag for me. I would be wondering if he would want to fix me as I am not good enough. But that is me.

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 7:56am

  746. 746: MissStixNo Gravatar says:

    Sometimes I feel strange and weird. An odd duck. I wonder…There must be other people who can see their own emotions? Do I have a highly active imagination? But…If it is my imagination why is it not inside my head like fantasies? Do any other sirens know what I mean?

    Like…Do you see (really see, with your eyes) your emotions? They all have different shapes and colours. Different frequencies. Or am I out of my mind? lol

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 8:01am

  747. 747: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Sounds like you are out of your mind MissStix……..kidding

    No I don’t see my emotions. But we are all different and we experience life differently. I imagine mine sometimes, what they look like.

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 8:07am

  748. 748: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    691:

    Hi SirenAngel,

    I mostly just had it in mind.
    But I dis replace the word ‘money’ with ‘love’.

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 8:09am

  749. 749: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    There’s a woman I know named Janet, who’s a feisty 40-something redhead. Not long ago, she finally gave up on the story that the reason no one asked her out was because men only liked younger women, and she decided to turn her attention toward discovering her inner barriers to love. She quickly discovered she was still unconsciously honoring her marital vows to the husband she’d divorced ten years earlier!

    She hadn’t even been aware of the ways she was covertly turning away from any man who expressed interest in her “as any good wife would do.” But once she saw it clearly, she gave that false faithfulness up on a dime and finally allowed herself to be a divorced woman. Only three weeks later, she met the man to whom she is now happily married.

    Until we are willing to truly discover ourselves as the source of our own experience, we will in many ways remain victimized by our old, habitual patterns in love, and they will continue to show up again and again and again, in spite of our best conscious efforts to have it be otherwise.

    Yet the moment we can see clearly exactly how we are creating our own experience by how we are unconsciously interpreting and then responding to life, we access the power we need to write a new story for ourselves.

    In an instant, our whole love destiny can radically transform, because once we make the unconscious conscious, we can begin to challenge those old perceptions and/or simply make a new decision about who we are and what’s possible in our lives.

    If you’re interested in discovering more about your own inner barriers to love and how to release them, Katherine and I have put together a powerful complimentary online seminar we’re offering again where we’re going to take you through our extraordinary Calling in “The One” process to help you become magnetic to the new love you desire and deserve to have in your life.

    It’s happening this Thursday, September 13, and it’s called:

    Calling in “The One”: How to Identify and Release Your Hidden Barriers to Love and Become Magnetic to Your Soulmate

    I hope you can join us!

    With love and trust in the universe,

    Claire

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 8:13am

  750. 750: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    619:

    I’ve been doing that all summer Turquoise.

    I’ve been to waterslides with friends, golf tournament, beach party, zumba…all without him.

    I came back so happy and perky after every event :)

    He doesn’t like missing out on having fun with me.

    He was so p’d when I didn’t go to his golf tournament with him.
    That’s me Ms Missed Opportunities.

    I am dealing with that, becoming more spontaneous and adventurous.

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 8:26am

  751. 751: MissStixNo Gravatar says:

    FW

    I looked this up, and i’m now doing a bit of research on something called synesthesia…Fascinating! this really makes sense to me.

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 8:26am

  752. 752: ALANo Gravatar says:

    It feels like fall here today. The air is so crisp and chilly, I put my hoodie on for the first time as I sit here drinking my coffee and reading the blog. It feels like something magical is happening watching the long shadows out my window and breathing in the orange air.

    I did a Magaret Lynch tapping video last night for the first time. Just a short one about “Tapping into Miracles” I feel like I got a restful sleep and woke up an hour earlier than usual. A new customer just called… money is flowing towards me! Yay! And I have a date with KindeyesCD… not feeling guilty about it like I am cheating.

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 8:51am

  753. 753: ALANo Gravatar says:

    I’ve often covered up my being sensitive and not let people see that part of me. This blog is helping me learn how to open up and learn about my feelings, and feel ok about being me.

    … no, feel GREAT about being me!

    Even better… I feel fabulous being me! :)

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 8:58am

  754. 754: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    Tam 706- that’s a beautiful thing for your friend to write x

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 9:05am

  755. 755: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Just saw this on another thread

    “My message is this: Don’t give up!! Rori’s advice works!!! And even if Mr. Right doesn’t waltz into your life right away, you will still have a BLAST becoming an amazing, sexy, fulfilled woman!!! It is not easy to listen when someone says you’ve been doing it wrong. It is harder to hear that the ”love of your life” is not THE ONE. But, honestly, if he was THE ONE, you would not be here, looking for advice. If he was THE ONE, you would know it, because he would BE the one.

    Lots of guys use women, and many of them don’t even realize it. We are conditioned to put their needs before our own, and to just take what little they offer.

    Find your OWN power. Take Rori’s advice. BE the siren. Do circular date!!! It is the best advice I have ever been given.

    Rori, I can’t thank you enough. I wish every woman who reads your blog could find the courage to commit to themselves and truly take your advice. I did, and my life has been transformed.”

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 9:16am

  756. 756: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    “I feel fabulous being me!”

    This resonated so deep in my gut I could taste it. And it tasted delicious.

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 9:17am

  757. 757: SenaraNo Gravatar says:

    Turquoise,

    I’ll be making homemade veggie soup soon too. I’m just waiting for my broth to be ready.

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 9:21am

  758. 758: SenaraNo Gravatar says:

    And this morning, I went shopping for a small blender – I want to start making smoothies. Yum!

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 9:22am

  759. 759: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    FW-699

    Thanks FW! Ive Kept those words. I feel done with talking about stuff so I was intrigued why he would still want to. I will just listen amd be in the moment if he brings something up that he wants to say but I won’t inquire. I don’t want to bring up the past. I prefer forgotten things to stay forgotten.

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 9:25am

  760. 760: SenaraNo Gravatar says:

    742 MissStix

    Same here, loud noises make me cranky.

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 9:27am

  761. 761: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    My mum asked me if I’d met anyone else yet?

    I said I hadn’t been looking.

    She said that’s when your most likely to meet someone!

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 9:39am

  762. 762: BelleNo Gravatar says:

    Miss Stix

    746
    No, there are lots of us.
    I can touch my thoughts, too, and feel exactly where they get hung up sometimes outside of my body (usually solar plexus) and I do something with my hands to sort them out.

    Cute story about synesthesia –
    One day I was sitting on my couch with my housemate when her 3yo picked up a huge book and brought it over to us and put it in my lap.
    She said, “I want to see it! I want to see it!”
    My housemate said, “No, no, you can’t see with your hands!”
    I told her, “yes, she can! And you can taste music!”
    At that exact moment, the book flopped open -
    it was the NLP encyclopedia and the title right at the top of the page said, in bold, all caps “SYNESTHESIA” with an entry explaining it underneath.
    I laughed and showed her, “see??” I felt a rush of joy, but my housemate sort of dissociated and walked out of the room.
    :D

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 9:40am

  763. 763: forest sirenNo Gravatar says:

    Belle what a cool story I love that.

    Miss stix u don’t sound crazy. I can see Lionmans emotions as colors around him. I don’t think it’s his aura it’s more to do with his frame of mind changes the colors so I see them as colors like as if someone got a spray can and painted the area around him very softly ….. Sounds weird saying it! I’m not sure if I can do it with other people but I can definitely feel animals emotions.

    Thanks sirens for your feedback this am. Daria I just liked what u said I don’t have to respond. So I didn’t. I went and did a lot of other things. I went to a breakfast event and cd’d at it. I could feel the men’s energy coming towards me. It felt good. I could feel them waiting their turn to get to speak to me. Sounds arrogant but it’s not meant thAt way. Lionman called me again when I was feeling good and I was laughing. Which goes to show that when I worry not calling him back is bad it’s sometimes good. He wanted to meet me again which would have entailed driving to his town so I said no I was starving and I wanted food … I said it would feel to see him but I am trying to reverse years of me dropping everything for him or always driving to him and was the queen of last minute .. It feels HARD to move back when he is moving forward. He said oh you are just going home then? I said yes and he said well we will leave it to another day. I said ok. End of convo.

    Right after that I wanted to call him back and say come to my house! Let’s have a movie afternoon! But If he wanted to he would have suggested that so I feel like ugh he only wants to see me last minute and if I drive to him. So hard! I’m retraining myself too.

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 10:07am

  764. 764: forest sirenNo Gravatar says:

    Tam what a sweet thing your friend said! I know the feeling of undeserved ness but you do deserve it! That’s a little gem she gave you! Print it out and put it somewhere you will see it often!

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 10:09am

  765. 765: forest sirenNo Gravatar says:

    Radlove I’m laughing at your mom telling you off for flirting with strangers! Moms!

    I practiced the 5 second look yesterday. It’s hard for me to do it so I practiced on chef next door he looked away first. I practiced on him cos he tried to talk to me the other day and always says hello. He was on the phone and he looked embarrassed or guilty then looked away. I felt brave.

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 10:13am

  766. 766: forest sirenNo Gravatar says:

    Daria last night I dreamt about a coyote and today he showed up in my garden. The animals are in my dreams. Last night too I dreamt my friend was a tree covered in beautiful green leaves. Some of them were brown and I was helping by brushing the brown leaves away so we could see her beautiful green foliage spring green. She was laughing and singing and chatting with me while I did it.

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 10:15am

  767. 767: forest sirenNo Gravatar says:

    Femininewoman I’m laughing at your story of your skirt nearly falling off! Recently I went for a swim and changed my clothes afterwards in the car. I stopped at a gas station and half way across the parking lot realized my dress was partly stuck in my bikini bottoms! I yelped with horror, it was on a main road too. I can never go back to that town ;(

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 10:19am

  768. 768: forest sirenNo Gravatar says:

    Siren angel how re you feeling today? I love that you are changing your vibe! I can feel it! And Mel’s story was so inspiring.

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 10:20am

  769. 769: forest sirenNo Gravatar says:

    LG your mans words felt so touching to read. It sounds like he can do what Rori says about catching emotions … Felling yours move and change and he can follow them cos he is focused on you how beautiful xo

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 10:22am

  770. 770: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Most people do not listen with the intent to understand. They listen with the intent to reply.

    Steve Covey

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 10:23am

  771. 771: forest sirenNo Gravatar says:

    Smile I have a good feeling about you and strumming man! I feel excited for you!

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 10:25am

  772. 772: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    FeminineWoman – thanks for that. babysteps

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 10:27am

  773. 773: forest sirenNo Gravatar says:

    Femininewoman do have a favorite cd? What is it about him that makes him your favorite?

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 10:28am

  774. 774: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    forest siren – that moved me in my tummy

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 10:28am

  775. 775: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    When another person makes you suffer, it is because he suffers deeply within himself, and his suffering is spilling over. He does not need punishment, he needs help.

    Thich Naht Hanh

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 10:28am

  776. 776: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    Awwww :)

    I feel all melty.

    D just called to invite me to the movies with his son.
    He sounded enthousiastic to have me with them.

    I feel good to feel wanted.

    His vibe has changed. I feel him ‘with me’ once again.

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 10:30am

  777. 777: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i want to heal this thing i have that i disempower women if men with them look at me

    i see them doing it all the time. some look away and to their girl and i think “he likes her”

    but what if i thought that even with the ones. who do get drawn into me?

    it might be that quite the opposite, on some level i think IM not enough if my man looks – i know this would trigger me huge, it has bawled my heart out

    feeling a lil troubled and triggered ‘looking’ at this, its quite a covered up blindspot type thing for me

    how can it be empowering if the men are interested in me

    and how can i be around friends with husbands and be so attractive?

    last nite a woman my moms age and her husband were here nad he smiled at me, juts being open i didnt get a creepy vibe

    but i felt scared it would be an issue and i observed i broke eye contact a few times and avoided personally saying goodbye to him

    on purpose, hmmm

    like a running away type thing or shunning the men

    so that i can avoid any issues

    ack

    i want to heal this i feel my blood pressure up writinga bout this

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 10:32am

  778. 778: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    770:

    Good one FW.
    So very well expressed.

    I see myself doing that alot.
    Need to pay more attention.

    That is something I need to pay attention to, to find the communication I so badly want from D.

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 10:35am

  779. 779: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    FW- doh I keep missing the library closing times. I will try again to get the film next week.

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 10:37am

  780. 780: forest sirenNo Gravatar says:

    I love the cello it’s my favorite instrument. I’m listening to it on pandora. When Lionman and I broke up I stopped listening to music. It was too painful. I can’t listen to the type of music we listened to yet I can only listen to music without lyrics.

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 10:38am

  781. 781: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    771- forest siren- thanks that makes me feel smily!!! 

    I have totally let go of expectations though. Just enjoying the moments

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 10:39am

  782. 782: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    780- forest siren I so resonate with being triggered by song lyrics! Cello music would feel relaxing.

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 10:40am

  783. 783: forest sirenNo Gravatar says:

    Daria so funny ou posted that I had typed something but erased it as I didn’t want to judged.

    Man I did 5 second glance with has a ring on I think he is married. He definitely checks me out and is friendly. I used to feel so careful about this like I had to protect men from themselves is I wouldn’t encourage them at all. Tonight I worried about going to an event with two couples one husband always says I’m his favorite. I don’t want his wife to hate me! I want women to like me! I don’t want other women’s men!

    But other women want my man. There is something here for me I don know what? I try to become invisible so men won’t see me and then their women won’t be mad at me. But then my man can’t see me.and other women engage him.

    Oh confusing!

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 10:43am

  784. 784: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    Recently I’ve heard about 3 marriages with young children that have failed. All down to affairs.

    This makes me want to work on myself even more!

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 10:44am

  785. 785: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    hehe I am my favorite cd. Damn I’m good. I just love me.

    Date at least 3
    Keep the focus on me
    Treat them all equally
    Till I say yes to a ring
    And it feels great

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 10:46am

  786. 786: forest sirenNo Gravatar says:

    Sorry for all typos. Daria do you know about when homeless people would write notes for each other or tags like here be food … Then basquiat my fav artist incorporated that into his paintings. I’m thinking of that because of all my typos and I’m thinking of the kindof shorthand you use sometimes it’s like another language so maybe mine can be too …

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 10:47am

  787. 787: forest sirenNo Gravatar says:

    FW you are good!

    Ok.

    I want a ring too! And a beautiful wedding dress. And a handsome interesting husband.

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 10:51am

  788. 788: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    muah muah to me

    xoxoxo to me

    ((((((me)))))))

    hhhhmmm that feels good.
    Daria feeling like having a fejaculation

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 10:53am

  789. 789: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    FW, your fun vibe feels contagious!

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 11:01am

  790. 790: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    fores siren – my heart feels warm. i feel drawn by homeless people and ‘dirty’ people and beggars. i want to make art that shows the beauty i see and freedom my heart feels in those settings

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 11:08am

  791. 791: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    I love my life. I have lots of friends. I have lots of plans. I have great family. I’m hardly ever in. I have a great job. Im happy in my own company…

    …so why do I still get triggered when I’m in and other people are doing things?

    I’ve been out last night, been out all day, got a lovely family day tomorrow…

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 11:09am

  792. 792: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Femininewoman – i want to too i feel scared to touch myself so deeply … due to having gotten yeast infections in previous years when i touched myself inside.

    that wont’ happen now that i would do it with love and worship and not judge myself

    hmm

    i still feel scared

    thanks for Sharing, that feels supportive for me

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 11:10am

  793. 793: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    I feel ungrateful and thAt makes me mad with myself. I should feel lucky for what I have.

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 11:10am

  794. 794: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    I want to feel satisfied. I know I have to bring this back to me.

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 11:12am

  795. 795: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    mm the hypnosis i did was on endurance and it was going Beyond, i used it in my own not push way and now i find i don’t get ‘bored’ halfway through my movement in t-tapp

    and then i took a walk and that too felt lovely and now i did Another t-tapp and now i

    Want to do MORE!

    this feels lovely

    that hypnosis session feels really good to me its 20 min Wendi Friesen Endurance I feel rested when i listen to it, some of her sessions feel great to me

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 11:12am

  796. 796: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    Not being on fb as much might help lessen the triggers.

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 11:14am

  797. 797: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    forest siren ! – yes! i’ve had men with me engage with my friends and i still behave like shrinking back similarly to the way with other women’s men

    but i feel so worried that i can be too open to other women’s men too, if id dint hold myself back

    its like i can get very friendly and even feel turned on with them maybe cuz they’re unavailable? – judgement of me –
    i dono if eel confused wnat to run away from THINKING about this

    i feel uncomfortable

    i want to heal this!

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 11:15am

  798. 798: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i notice NVs ‘worry’ tha tmy butt will get smaller if i keep moving T-tapp and don’t do other stuff

    i want to do other stuff like dancing and would even feel good to do step downs

    and i DONT want to feel ‘worried’

    i feel horrified remembering times when my butt was small or i thought it was small and i felt left out of the attraction game

    then i feel guilty that i promote – oh we’re all beautiful no matter what shape and then

    if my butt were to get small i would feel so insecure

    i want to heal this

    feel my tummy tight

    thans tummy

    tummy i feel

    numb

    thanks tummy

    i listened to Rori’s Heart Connection audio, thats where i got the dialogue of how to talk to myself like a parent an i tweaked it wiht that Laura Markham – im here for you while you feel these big scary emotions

    mmmm

    i felt more open i practiced walking wiht palms open

    i noticed men looking at me but i didnt make much eye contact, i did receive it in a way tho

    when i did one time make eye contact i forced a smile and that didnt feel good

    it felt easier to think good thoughts and not feel scared that people would judge me diss me or attack me

    with Rori in my ear

    ive noticed that effect before

    its possib;e that these two women Were judging me as i walked by and said so but i didn’t feel as triggered or concerened listening to somethng else (rori) in my ear

    sigh

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 11:22am

  799. 799: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    I’m feeling lonely

    My feet feel itchy (not literally)

    My house feels empty

    It would feel great to get back to my jolly feeling place

    I’m going to create a relaxed feeling mood in my living room with lights and candles, it getting dark. I’m going to put on a fun show and finish off some chocolates with a glass of wine.

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 11:23am

  800. 800: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    RE 797 Daria I don’t know. Your sexual energy just is. I believe anyone can get turned on to it. The problem in my mind only occurs when action is taken on it. You just reminded me of an incident with a friend’s husband who tried to force kiss me years ago. I just felt it in my tummy. It feels like rising slime. Slithering up to my throat. Then I felt it sliding back down into my tummy to hide. It feels like fear lurking under the surface. It feels like shame, hot stinking shame I am afraid to admit. So I push it down below the surface with my quick electric energy. Now it tastes like bitterness in my mouth. But I love me. I love all of me. I am a magnet, I attract. I am in control of me. When I told him I could not, I felt disrespected. I respect my friend he apologized. Some time later he admitted he was physically attracted. His marriage is still strong with a very feminine woman over 20 years later. We remained friends over the years. Though long distance we remained friends. I forgave him a long time ago. I saw it as an uncontrollable urge for him. He shouldn’t have but he did. He said he didn’t know what overcame him.

    Thanks for bringing up that memory to heal. Now my stomach feels weak and shaky like jello. A layer of tension has unravelled.

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 11:34am

  801. 801: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    I’m watching sex in the city and analysing everything. It’s making me laugh lots!

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 11:39am

  802. 802: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    I don’t know if it’s helpful thinking about ex of 2 years. Seeing him last night with his girlfriend and then again today has caused me problems of feeling down.

    Hm maybe he’ll text me again, maybe he won’t. In the mean time this post has helped me…

    Here’s a great guest post from Virginia Feingold Clark:

    Do you daydream about reconnecting with a boyfriend from the past? Do you search Facebook and the internet looking for any piece of information you can find out about him? Are you obsessed with the idea of meeting him again and rekindling your love?

    It can be painful and frustrating to long for some one who isn’t there with you and it can make you feel depressed and unhappy with your life.

    There are reasons why your mind will keep “defaulting” to a past relationship and it’s important for you figure out why so you begin to find peace in the present.

    Are you’re simply lonely and feeling discouraged about your chances of meeting a man you can love?

    Is it easier for you to think about a man you know rather than going out and finding one?

    Maybe you’re going through a hard time with your current boyfriend and you start to feel anxious and worried that he may not be “the one.”

    When You’re Unhappy In The Present, It’s Not Uncommon For Your Mind To Begin To Reminisce About The Good Times You’ve Had With Someone In The Past.

    It gives your hurting ego a boost as you remember the “good ole days” when you felt loved. You remember the good times and forget the bad. It seems that the same loving feelings are still there and they are attached to that man.

    You tell yourself that he was the right man for you all along.

    You wonder what it would be like to see him again, how he would look, what you would wear, how good it will feel.

    But ultimately, all this going back to the past is very unsatisfying and will leave you feeling helpless.

    Spending your time and energy thinking about someone who in reality you don’t know anymore is one way to AVOID the present moment and your relationship problems.

    Ask yourself if you are being realistic in wanting to go back to someone who has now moved on and is pretty much of a stranger.

    If it was meant to be, you would still be with him!

    There was a reason the two of you didn’t stay together, and if you saw him again, that same reason would probably still be there.

    Men will come and go out of your life and it will sometimes be painful.

    But there will come a time when you find the one who sticks and he will be the one who is right for you.

    I love Virginia, and I love her book – “It’s Never Too Late To Marry.” You can get her free newsletters and even talk with her at her site http://www.ItsNeverTooLateToMarry.com

    Love, Rori

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 11:53am

  803. 803: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i just did some more T-tapp movements

    yayy hey hey :)

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 12:09pm

  804. 804: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    FeminineWoman – he’s still with the same woman?

    you never mentioned anything to her? (not judging just wondering, stuff coming up for me too)

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 12:12pm

  805. 805: Goddess LilyNo Gravatar says:

    802 Smile- I work with my old ex, D, and every so often I do think about being with him again. We get along just fine at work so sometimes it easy to think of the good times. I feel like he really knows me, unlike my most recent ex, R, who always kept analyzing me and TELLING me who I am. THANK GOD D says things at work to remind me he hasn’t changed. He never made me a priority, always focused on the next business venture. He stops by my desk to tell me stories and although we get along, I haven’t gone back yet. He is still the same guy I left.

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 12:23pm

  806. 806: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    I never mentioned it to her because it was like a none issue for me. They are my very good friends.

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 12:26pm

  807. 807: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    Daria, FW

    Can I ask you something about sexual boundaries.

    Whilst strummingman and shared the yummy kiss I want to be able to say I don’t want to sleep with him unless were in a committed relationship.

    He’s coming next weekend to move furniture for me, then he’s getting a take out for us.

    Last time I said no sex but my boundaries werent strong enough. We did sleep together. Then he withdrew.

    I’m not having expectations of us getting back together. I want to enjoy rebuilding trust and intimacy… The sexual attraction never went though.

    Any advice…? I want to stay open but with boundaries.

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 12:29pm

  808. 808: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    Goddess lily, yup I think your right. I don’t think I ever felt connected really emotionally to ex of two years. I think I’m just thinking bout him because strumming man withdrew and I left ex of 2 years to be with strummingman. I think it would still be the same with ex of 2 years. I need to leave the past in the past.

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 12:34pm

  809. 809: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    I’m going to read back over the old flame post.

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 12:38pm

  810. 810: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    AS a matter of fact I had forgotten about it until you wrote. I a very skilled at stuffing. I believe, from what I have seen and what he says, they have a fantastic relationship. This is another really feminine woman who I just overlooked all these years. Before he was with a very masculine woman who was devastated when he turned around one day and proposed to his now wife.

    I have never doubted that she was a woman who is worshipped by him. He talks about her with great honor and respect and funny enough she has been the main breadwinner over the years even though I know he feels unhappy and frustrated about it. He has even joined her in working in her business when he was out of work – seamstress. I believe they are an exemplary couple.

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 12:40pm

  811. 811: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    Miss Stix,

    746 – I think it’s beautiful that you can see your emotions! I think that is where Rori wants us to be.

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 12:50pm

  812. 812: MissStixNo Gravatar says:

    Forrest siren

    I like that story!

    I wish I could see music or taste it! But no…I don’t have that form I guess lol but I do assign colours to months, and days of the week are a in a semi-circle around me. Which I thought was a normal way to see days of the week haha I had no idea that was “special”.

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 12:52pm

  813. 813: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Smile that is a tough. It has been tough over the years. I have two kids because of that. Slept with my ex after we broke up. He knew the next day that I was pregnant. He was on his way to another continent and called asking I felt I was pregnant. I asked him if he was crazy but he was positive and turned out right. I started feeling stuff 2 weeks later.

    Sorry. What I do now is when a guy ask me to sleepover I tell him point blank I don’t want that. This I believe was shared by Pamelala “it would feel cool to get closer gradually. I feel scared because I don’t feel ready for lovemaking.” For me I just say plain out “I feel totally turned on to you but I don’t want to be screw!ed. I want to be in a loving committed relationship first because I am just a girl and I have noticed that afterwards I want more. When I don’t get more I feel icky and I don’t want to feel that way with you. What do you think?”

    I would get clear on what I want if I were you and how I am feeling. If you say all this but your vibe is telling him you are ready he will try so you have to be able to trust yourself. I hope Mel and others chime in on this because I have decided that I am totally committed to myself and right now no one can pull me off my bridge. I suspect you are not there yet and this guy is your fave. As such if I were wearing your shoes we would not be caught indoors alone together of the possibility exist that he would want to sleepover. He needs to feel that yearning in his gut, groin and glutes. To the point where he is miserable.

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 12:58pm

  814. 814: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    The sexual attraction never goes. You want him yearning for you. As a matter of fact Smile some might call this gameplaying but because of what you wrote about your last meeting, if it were me, I believe I would have him come over for the bed and have a friend waiting there for him. He would not know I would not be there. A male friend could help him.

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 1:02pm

  815. 815: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    yeah if he’s coming to pick up his stuff and separate from me i would NOT sleep with him that would feel terribly painful for me oh wow

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 1:25pm

  816. 816: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    FeminineWoman – im feeling triggered with confusion as i have a friend ask me to tell her if i see her man out with another woman. in my head i see that she would consider it betrayal if i didn’t tell her if the man tried to kiss me.

    perhaps that was a non issue for you since the woman was a feminine energy and wasnt much concerned or into monitoring the man

    im feeling all twisted up about this also due to my godson’s mom accusing me of sleeping with my godson’s father whcih i did not, yet i have been beating myself up for even maintaining a close, family style relationship with him which i have with him and his brother as well – im thinking its triggered pain in her and i feel guilty

    i wonder if you have sisters if you would also not mention to your sister if her husband tried to kiss you

    or what about daughter’s husband/man

    does it become more disrespectful / an issue ina family situation?

    i considered my godson’s mom and dad family – and that didn’t happen – it just feels very confusing for me and im feeling lost without clear guiding principles

    im assuming that clear principles would help me feel at peace , and im feeling sad thinking there might be none

    feel tight in chest

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 1:30pm

  817. 817: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    ((Feminiwoman)). Gosh I felt teary reading your post about your pregnancy. Strange how these things can be sensed and felt by the body.

    Your right SM is my fave. I’m going to practise this script over and over in my head. I like a mixture of yours and Pamelalas. I am totally committed to myself. It hurt to much last time to go there. It’s like being burnt on the cooker, you learn quickly. I want a committed relationship.

    I’m not sure if I feel comfortable not being here when he arrives. But I do want to have him yearning for me. I intend to tell him I am open to dating other men. I believe this would create a yearning feeling. I’ve been quite clear on what I want from a relationship. I also know that this is what he is seeking. He wants to settle down and have a family way more than me actually. I believe telling him this will take the pressure of any expectations. I do intend to start Internet dating in November. I believe he has just overcome the point of being miserable, losing his job hit him hard.

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 1:33pm

  818. 818: BelleNo Gravatar says:

    Laughing Goddess

    I’m a few days late, but I’m feeling so good listening to Michael Beckwith right now that I want to suggest him for future inspirational listening. I’ve attended a service of his and wow…I felt like a firecracker!!! I’m grinning now just thinking of it…and laughing as I’m listening to him right now saying, “You might as well give in and be happy, you might as well give in an be great, you might as well give in and be prosperous!”

    Also, Radlove, I started reading this last night and thought of you:

    http://www.scribd.com/doc/74519391/The-Miracle-of-Love-Catherine-Ponder

    It’s a short booklet of divine love affirmations. Someone not into the idea of G*d would probably not dig it. The affirmation that has stuck with me and I wrote on my mirror last night is, “Love melts situations that seem impossible.”
    Another one that has been echoing is, “Divine love is doing it’s perfect work in this situation right now.”

    I feel right on the verge of stepping over a threshhold. I have been a seeker all of my life, and finally am feeling and receiving all of the validation I’ve ever needed. I feel healed and there’s no more healing to seek. I realize I have the love and relationship I’ve always wanted.
    So everything that has been driving my whole life has fallen away, now what??!

    Hmmmm…!!! I feel curious.

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 1:38pm

  819. 819: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks Daria,

    I can feel the strength growing in me. My boundaries are getting stronger. I feel strength in having something to say.

    By moving, I think he can sense me moving away from him.

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 1:39pm

  820. 820: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    Im leaning back

    My palms are open

    I’m moving forward on my horse

    I’m letting go

    I’m removing expectations

    I am strong

    I am high quality

    My boundaries are firm and unbreakable

    I respect myself

    I care for my feelings

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 1:43pm

  821. 821: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Daria I have not had that kind of family issue. This was a close friend but thinking about it and asking myself what would it achieve if I had told her I feel fear and a knowing that I would likely choose not to tell my sister if that happened. I see that kind of thing destructive to a family, plus it would end up isolating me from both of them. I remember a friend calling about about a girlfriend’s husband dating other women. I was sure he was because I saw him with another woman. I felt uncomfortable telling her at the time and I felt I would not want to know from a stranger if I were wearing her shoes. Plus I got the sense that my friend was being kinda vindictive because she was hurt by another man. What I did was I told his brother about my friend’s request. I did not want the responsibility of possibly breaking a family. His brother understood and confirmed that someone had told him about another incident.

    Some months later his wife approached me about her situation when he disappointed her not being at their son’s party. My advice then was to make up her mind what she wanted to do.

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 1:43pm

  822. 822: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    She had mixed feelings about leaving him and was going back and forth trying to make things work. I felt that every time she left and returned he respected her less and I told her that. She eventually left and started to date others as she prepared for the divorce. I was shocked about a year and half later when she seemed all happy having moved on with her life, he showed up unannounced at my house saying “this is my woman and I am going to go get my woman….blah blah blah”. I was in shock. He followed up on his words they got back together and had a third son. Years later they are still together and seem to be happy. I have never heard of him playing the field again.

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 1:47pm

  823. 823: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    I was at the cinema about 6 years ago. It was dark (obviously) but a couple came into the show just after the start. They sat in front of us. They were holding each others hands and resting heads on each other. It was my best friends dad!!! But NOT with his wife! I felt in such an awkward position. I had to leave the cinema. I couldn’t risk him seeing me at anypoint in the show so I left. Practically ran down the stairs with my coat over my head!
    I felt so torn about what to do. About 3 weeks later my friend told me she thought her parents were going to separate so I decided to leave it. They did divorce. He got found out by someone else. I had to tell my friend a couple months after. The guilt was too much. She respected my difficult position.

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 1:52pm

  824. 824: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Maybe I felt guilt about my friend’s husband but I was so flustered by his actions I did not know how to respond. Plus in retrospect I believe he was sincerely regretful and sorry that he did that. I also know that I am physically attractive and had all kinds of attention when I was younger so I was kinda not surprised that he was attracted to me. For a little while I had felt uncomfortable around him but then it subsided. I have always had respect for him as a friend and that did not cause it diminish. I agree he should have controlled himself but I saw it as spur of the money. Knowing what I know now I would be more concerned if he did not share with his wife his feelings of attraction towards other women. I believe it is natural that it might happen that men can be attracted to other women, I have experienced that more than once. I just stay firm in informing guys that I will not get involved physically, especially with friends husbands.

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 1:59pm

  825. 825: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    FeminineWoman thank you for answering so honestly and personally.

    I feel confused as I believe secrets can destroy relationships/family too hearing from Rori.

    However some things are personal like my thoughts for example .

    I feel so confused about this I’m sure it will bring great healing.

    At the root of this is I do not trust my godson’s mom to not attack or blame me or treat me well when she’s angry. Also I feel scared of her having felt great pain when she’s lashed out at me verbally and physically before.

    I also feel grassy love and respect for her and she has been there for me in the past.

    Actually I adore her and I feel a bit jealous of my love for her

    This reminds me of my mom so I must be projecting.

    I feel coonfused and Miss her and want to safe and loved, not afraid to be myself around her or my godsons father in fear that I will trigger jealousy.

    At the same time she has triggered jealousy for me.

    I project a lot on her for example I project that she wouldn’t care much or tell me or care about if something was to happen w one of my men and her, although she’s often said she would not get involved. In many ways she’s a real siren w men people in general and very self oriented.

    I feel like crying a bit.

    I feel resentful that I spend all this energy beating myself up.

    I seem to have merged my energy w her codependently.

    I can feel her from far way.

    Like I do with my parents. Wen they’re upset that is.

    I want help dealing w this but I believe my Fave EFT lady who helped me for free has died as I cannot find anything from her after 2010 and I got the impression she was elderly.

    If I can talk with boundaries to my godsons mom this would heal instantly is a belief I have.

    But I cannnot

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 2:22pm

  826. 826: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    Oh here we go talking about cheating cheaters liars BLECH

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 2:22pm

  827. 827: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    FeminineWoman thank you for answering so honestly and personally.

    *****

    I feel confused as I believe secrets can destroy relationships/family too hearing from Rori.

    However some things are personal like my thoughts for example . (right? So confused)

    I feel so confused about this I’m sure it will bring great healing.

    At the root of this is I do not trust my godson’s mom to not attack or blame me or treat me well when she’s angry. Also I feel scared of her having felt great pain when she’s lashed out at me verbally and physically before.

    I also feel grassy love and respect for her and she has been there for me in the past.

    Actually I adore her and I feel a bit jealous of my love for her

    This reminds me of my mom so I must be projecting.

    I feel coonfused and Miss her and want to safe and loved, not afraid to be myself around her or my godsons father in fear that I will trigger jealousy.

    At the same time she has triggered jealousy for me.

    I project a lot on her for example I project that she wouldn’t care much or tell me or care about if something was to happen w one of my men and her, although she’s often said she would not get involved. In many ways she’s a real siren w men people in general and very self oriented.

    I feel like crying a bit.

    I feel resentful that I spend all this energy beating myself up.

    I seem to have merged my energy w her codependently.

    I can feel her from far way.

    Like I do with my parents. Wen they’re upset that is.

    I want help dealing w this but I believe my Fave EFT lady who helped me for free has died as I cannot find anything from her after 2010 and I got the impression she was elderly.

    If I can talk with boundaries to my godsons mom this would heal instantly is a belief I have.

    But I cannnot. Is another belief.

    I feel guilty that I’m not ‘being there’ for my god kids in presence. Although even wen we were on good terms last year I only visited like once due to my focus on me.

    I have a lotta built up resentment and I seem to be keeping score, as in I’m the one who has to visit.

    Then it’s like she has the kids and no license and visits no one only in her area does she drive.

    My tummy is clutching and I’m feeling desperation.

    I would like to heal this

    I’m open to and asking for all the divine help I need to heal this.

    Sigh thank you.

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 2:26pm

  828. 828: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    I don’t know that I could handle a man telling me he’s attracted to my friend.

    But maybe I could.

    Feeling frowny.

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 2:28pm

  829. 829: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    I don’t want to deal with this!

    This seems it’s all about other people not having boundaries and it fallbacks on me!

    So how am I a mirror

    I do t have boundaries to say.,, what

    I don’t believe in sacrifice it can’t be something g that feels bad …

    Fuchk I’m so feeling wrenched and twisted

    I’m Tired of this!

    I miss my Godkids!

    Rargh

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 2:33pm

  830. 830: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    I feel so close w them more than other children. They are mine I had them on my hip I was there everyday.

    And the lil girl is adopted she’s as much mine as everyone else’s and I’m missing out on 2 years of their lives

    Cuz I’m a weak ass w no boundaries and no courage to face their mom and be there as a parent

    Just like their dad ugh I feel compassion for him and I can’t do it either

    If I can’t do it how can I expect him to?

    I’ve always been the strong one who took care of everyone w my needs last – but now that I’m paying attention to my feelings how do I handle this?

    It seems kids would call for masculine energy and doing everything handling everything to be there for them, not sitting and obsessing and crying band beating self up and not being there.

    I feel so frustrated w myself but writing night be helping.

    Cuz maybe bring masc energy and tolerating abuse would set a bad example.

    I just want them to know I love them and would always be there for then

    But I’m not being there for them … Ugh!

    I feel like blaming and yelling at their mom and making her So wrong .

    I can’t handle this

    I can handle this in masculine energy but in feminine energy I don’t know.

    :(

    I’ve started EFT on this the past two days so in doing Something!

    Then I wonder if I’m overfunctioning to even think of this and put energy to ‘fix it’ w EFT

    Then i know my energy will only heal anyway, its better than obsessing.

    Im so :( w hot energy running thru me right now.

    I feel my galllbladder and I know it’s my godsons mom as she was having trouble w it.

    I can help heal it w EFT on myself.

    I’m so tied into this and honestly I’m not into abandoning family I want to build .
    I feel afraid my family I build will abandon me and I feel sad it makes ne think that I want to die.

    Hmmm writing that I see more us going on for me. Probably some past life stuff and I hope and I intend it to be released from my tissues.

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 2:46pm

  831. 831: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Sigh this feels si triggering !

    Why is this have to be so hard! == I feel frustrated!!!!!

    I feel kinda stuck I feel terrified I want to heal all this

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 2:49pm

  832. 832: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Day n night…

    The lonely stoner obsesses bout this day n night

    I’m crying now

    I feel mistrustful of that cuz I cried so much about this and still didn’t get thru it

    I’m healing I will trust it even though heart feels sinking

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 2:51pm

  833. 833: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    She probably doesn’t give a fuchk and I sit here and cry and obsess everyday

    That’s the thought that probably keeps me stuck

    And it’s blaming her

    I want to heal this

    I get to be the good one thinking that

    Ugh I feel so uncomfortable

    I feel like lashing out!

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 2:53pm

  834. 834: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    She’s not a man so I haven’t applied the if she’s not in front of me she dies t exist. She has tried to contact me briefly but I felt too scared to pick up.

    I feel afraid that were I to look away from her id be abandoning the kids and being a bad adult figure for them. Un schooling forums are def very mush about kids first even some lady was way against divorce cuz of it.

    Tho writing I’m not sure
    I feel spent

    I might be keeping the situation stuck w this obsessing energy.

    I don’t know if I could turn away from the kids… Even tho I will be going to brazil so still wouldn’t be there physically.

    Shaking my head I feel exhausted says a voice.

    My lil girl feels lonely.

    Closed off amgry ar me for separating her from the kids
    Her friends.

    What am I avoiding feeling by obsessing about this?

    A whole lotta grief, powerlessness, shame, loneliness, fear

    Too much

    (((((Daria)))))
    I’m doing well

    I want help and I feel confused why help hasn’t shown up yet like it usually does on other things.

    I can do more EFT That will get me there and help me heal.

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 3:06pm

  835. 835: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    If I can’t have close safe honest relationships w human beings then ways the point!

    I give up!

    I hate this world!

    This has gotta be trauma talk.

    I give myself permission to heal and release all this from my tissues

    Sigh

    Feeling more calm

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 3:09pm

  836. 836: forest sirenNo Gravatar says:

    Somebody recommended a movie was it backdraft by any chance? Not the thank you more please movie … Someone recommended something after that and now I can’t find it of course.

    I am learning the blog moves so fast that if I want to make a note Of something have to copy and paste when I see it or I’ll never find it again!

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 3:40pm

  837. 837: SirenityNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks Sassy and FW. I think HRT helps a little but its a no no for me with the medical conditions.

    I suppose my query here is what do other women find, on or off HRT?

    What happens to those sex urges and exciting desires after menopause?

    Is it just a trauma response in me after the triple whammy of cancer surgeries, instant menopause and the ex using me for sex when I was at my most vulnerable and thought he loved me?

    Frankly I feel scared when contemplating sex now..

    WOW.I just realised something..this is a mild form of PTSD ..tearful dreams , anxiety and all..I feel amazed.

    I used to be VERY different…wow..I know what i am going to do right now..my friend Wendi Friesen does a hypnosis program for PTSD. I LOVE her programs and sh has helped me through many things ..

    wendi.com

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 3:45pm

  838. 838: SassyNo Gravatar says:

    Sirenity,

    I believe after what you just said, is that it is a combination
    of both, the physical trauma, illness and changes to your body AND the emotional, mental issues.
    This can cause huge drops in desire, feelings, wants and needs. It very well may be PTSD, or a mild depressive state.
    Possibly looking into natural supplements and some CBT or talk therapy could go a long way to helping.
    I feel this blog has opened the doors and eyes of so many different, even difficult subjects for so many of us, and menopause should certainly be included. The changes our bodies go through can be so dramatic. Many women don’t realize that they can begin peri-menopause for as long as 8 years before hitting actual menopause.
    So please don’t hesitate to bring to the table what is going on with you, even tho your situation is slightly different, you never know who you are helping.

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 4:28pm

  839. 839: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Daria as far back as I can remember I have always been comfortable letting a man go. Maybe I couldn’t handle it well why I let him go but I have a couple in my life that are still friends. She was my best friend back then when her husband was pursuing me. As a matter of fact we were on a call when she called. I told her I had to finish another call and she asked who are you talking to when I told her she said “I like him, can you introduce us”. I transfered her.

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 4:29pm

  840. 840: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    Sirenity – You have some serious adrenal fatigue, and you body has suffered tremendous shock. It may take a couple of years to feel balanced again.

    I don’t know if you saw my post to Siren Angel about red clover infusions. It’s a wonderful herb for nourishing the hormones. Oatstraw will help rev up your libido. They both will “juice” you up.

    Try this first. We can talk about other herbs later. I gave detailed instructions on how to brew infusions and how to ingest. If you need me to write them out again, let me know.

    xxoo

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 4:41pm

  841. 841: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    Sirenity – Some kidney breathing would be helpful for you too. I can detail this tomorrow if you are interested. Let me know.

    xxoo

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 4:49pm

  842. 842: luzydelNo Gravatar says:

    Watching the strange life of timothy green trailer… wonder if I do that for a partner write down what my ‘ideal partner’ is and then buried it in the garden… next day he shows up covered on mud with a smile telling me he’s my love… hmm a woman can dream…

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 4:53pm

  843. 843: Siren AngelNo Gravatar says:

    Forest Siren,
    I mentionned watching Ondine.
    A movie about a woman caught in the sea bu a fisherman (Colin Farrell).

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 4:55pm

  844. 844: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    Goddess Lily – 712 – Love your smaller breasts. Feel proud of them. And they won’t tend to droop as readily either. I used to wish I had larger ones, but first of all they would look really silly on the small body I have, and secondly, even at my age they are still gloriously perky.

    Men love breasts period, as Rebecca said, ALL kinds, small, large, perky, not so perky; they’re all good in their eyes.

    xxoo

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 4:56pm

  845. 845: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    Hmm we had tentative plans for tonight and the whole day tomorrow and I was supposed to tell him if we are going to my friend’s party or not tonight, but the plan was to spend the evening together anyway. I texted him in midday, in advance because I know he is with the child till Sat evening, so he would know what;s happening. Have not heard back. At all.

    I know that his family is in town this weekend, though he was only planning to spend part of Saturday with them. If this plan changed why wouldn’t he tell me? Feels very strange. Should I call to ask if everything is alright?

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 4:58pm

  846. 846: luzydelNo Gravatar says:

    Im gonna doit!! going to write down my lovers description… just to manifest :)

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 5:05pm

  847. 847: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    For all of you highly sensitive women which is most of you here -

    http://sexandheart.com/dealing-with-your-man-as-an-ultra-sensitive

    http://sexandheart.com/more-on-you-as-an-ultra-sensitive

    xxoo

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 5:07pm

  848. 848: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    For all of you highly sensitive women which is most of you here -

    sexandheart.com/dealing-with-your-man-as-an-ultra-sensitive

    sexandheart.com/more-on-you-as-an-ultra-sensitive

    xxoo

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 5:11pm

  849. 849: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Sirens, do any of you have guy friends that you are really attracted to? This is going to be harder than I thought, to just be friends with Mr. Conversation. At the football game today, we sat together as usual, our conversation was easy as usual

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 5:14pm

  850. 850: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Oops, wasn’t finished. Anyways, it’s loud, we sit close and lean in to talk, and the eye contact is strong. He is so appealing to me visually. I love his eyes, and they looked more green today, yummy!

    So, i guess what I want to know is if any of you are friends with guys you love to look at?

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 5:18pm

  851. 851: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    Turquoise,

    No. I’ve been always avoiding any friendship situations when I want more. In fact the moment they say friends I am out of the door before they finish the sentence. I remember once before Rori, years ago a guy said something about being friends and I felt very confused because I felt his strong attraction to me (well it turned out much later that he was married and tried to protect me in his own weird way), I said I didn’t want to be friends because I was in love with him and stopped talking to him. Not in a mean way, I was polite and friendly, but I was not available to him. i don’t know what’s ‘the right’ way, but I just can’t handle it differently.

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 5:31pm

  852. 852: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    Actually I want to ask if everything is alright

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 5:44pm

  853. 853: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    I honestly feel ok about being friends. Our girls are, unless one of us moves, we’ll be running into each other often for the next 9 years. We live in a small town…. And I have a lot of fun hanging out with him. CDing has helped take my focus off of the possibility of more with him, but in person, I’m so drawn to him. I have been since the first night I met him. I remember going to the bathroom and texting my sister that I couldn’t stop looking at him! He’s sexy and attractive, but not in an extreme model kind of way. Normally I’m drawn to men who smell really good, and he rarely wears cologne, so it’s not that. I think it’s the eyes.

    But, I feel confident that I can keep it platonic.

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 5:49pm

  854. 854: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    Yes Turquoise, I just said how I reacted in the past when you asked;) We all pick what works for us.

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 5:59pm

  855. 855: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    Ok, I am off to my party, decided it feels more fun than staying at home, though i feel a bit tired. Anyway – if he is not at my door I should have some fun;)

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 6:06pm

  856. 856: SassyNo Gravatar says:

    Turq,

    Maybe just take one day at a time with him. Something tells me he’s not going anywhere and eventually after he has sorted everything else out, he will step up. Hopefully you will still be in a place that will fit him into your life and heart.
    He still needs time to grieve his marriage, needs to be fully there for his baby and needs to figure out the real depth of his feelings for you. Remember they do move a whole lot slower than we want.
    As for being attracted to a friend, he)) damn yeah!!! But I always maintained that the friendship meant a whole lot more than the attraction. He agreed so we dropped it.

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 6:12pm

  857. 857: Memulo says:

    This is not my night! There was no party at the bar;) either no one showed up or they already left. Still feeling better that I got all pretty and stepped out;) guys at the bar tried to stop me and talk to me. Plus I put together a cool new outfit tonight;) old clothes, new combination

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 7:00pm

  858. 858: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Dominique I am interested in kidney breathing too.

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 7:21pm

  859. 859: SirenityNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you Sassy again for the words of support. Also thank you Dominique re the herbs.

    I am not entirely comfortable taking estrogenic herbs either because if they work on estrogen receptors in the body then they would be working on the cancer cells , were any still around.

    I did use some Chinese herbal medicine and accupuncture for the severe flushing and sleeplessness for a month or two.

    Is there any research on their use with estrogen dependent cancer?

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 7:54pm

  860. 860: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    (((Flowerchild))) :( :( :(

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 8:06pm

  861. 861: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Yeah, Sassy… one day at a time is a good idea… with men in general!

    My girls wanted to make pies tonight, and let me tell you…. I do a lot of cooking and baking, but not usually pies. One picked oreo cream pie and the other pumpkin. We made both, but they take hours to cool, so we’re having pie for breakfast! :) All I kept thinking was, I am the yummy pie. :) They do look delicious!

    I didn’t actually make soup today. I made roast chicken, pasta and carrots for lunch, and we just had sandwiches for dinner. One of the guys at work brought me a ton of tomatoes, so I cut up a bunch of those, some garlic, onion and green pepper, added a can of sauce and and made a big pot of sauce. The girls want to make meatballs, so we’ll make those tomorrow.

    I have a bunch of tomatoes left. Anyone have any suggestions of what else to make? I’ll do a little salsa, but maybe a fresh tomato soup? I’ve been craving a grilled cheese sandwich. No idea why, probably haven’t had one in 8 months.

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 8:49pm

  862. 862: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    That’s a good point Sassy, about the friendship meaning more than the attraction. I need to think about that, might even be true here long term. He sees life as a chess game, many moves ahead. I’m not like that. I see potential endings, but not all the steps that have to happen along the way to get there. It is curious to me what life might be like with that process.

    What do you ladies do? Do you think about the steps in between?

    What happened to flowerchild?

    Forest Siren, I thought you were Sirenity…. but she’s posting again too. What was your name before?

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 8:55pm

  863. 863: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    FW, I did bring up to him today that I felt judged, that he discounted my law of attraction type beliefs. He said it’s just his opinion, but feels it’s ridiculous, to think that he really wants a new car and one will just show up. I explained that wasn’t what I meant, but having a positive attitude and believing it will… doesn’t hurt. He agreed with me, but also feels hard work and going after what he wants, will get it for him. He said he doesn’t believe in what can’t be proven, including religious type stuff, and new the book and movie The Secretm which is what I guess he thought inspired me. The good thing about it… having this conversation, no tone, no stress, no blame or victim type feelings…. just clear communication. It felt good, and resolved, and I feel good about it.

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 9:02pm

  864. 864: R.N.AmazingMeNo Gravatar says:

    WHY AM I HERE??….I AM AN IDIOT TO THINK I WILL JUST GET UP BRUSH MYSELF OFF AND WALK AWAY FROM ALL THE PAIN. THIS SURFACING HURTS BAD, FEELING ALONE. NO ONE CAN UNDERSTAND ME RIGHT NOW.

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 9:09pm

  865. 865: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    What happened RN?

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 9:14pm

  866. 866: R.N.AmazingMeNo Gravatar says:

    Just resurfacing of things i have burried for so long, things i am working on within myself and it hurts.Getting stronger hurts especially when I don’t feel anyone is there for me but I do not let anyone be there. I push all those I love away and just inside am crying and want my happiness back. I want to be carefree and happy again, and I control that! I am in control of me, the problem is I am having this neverending battle with myself. I am in fear of never getting myself to the point of trust for others. I do not trust anyone with my heart and that is scary. I want to meet people and date but cannot stand weeding them out. I wanted to do the work within myself but not feel like a cat chasing it’s tail when it comes to dating. People let you down, not just men and I do not want to feel this rejection.

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 9:40pm

  867. 867: R.N.AmazingMeNo Gravatar says:

    I am frustrated!!

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 9:42pm

  868. 868: RiverGirlNo Gravatar says:

    Turquoise, Flowerchild posted on facebook this afternoon.

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 9:43pm

  869. 869: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    ((((RN Amazing))))

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 9:45pm

  870. 870: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    RN Amazing
    Sorry you’re hurting.
    I think you are on the verge of a breakthrough….hang in there. Yyaaaay for healing.

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 9:50pm

  871. 871: R.N.AmazingMeNo Gravatar says:

    It’slike I can love and nurture me all day but I want my feelings acknowledged. If I am hurting and busting my azzz working and dealing with my children’s father being a fear factor in my life unless he is in jail. You know what it feels like to look over your shoulder all the time? It’s never good enough, why can’t it be like wow your strong doing it and it will be ok. ENCOURAGEMENT!!! Not well… work more…spoiled princess!!

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 9:52pm

  872. 872: R.N.AmazingMeNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks Emerson!..heling..yes that is my process

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 10:08pm

  873. 873: R.N.AmazingMeNo Gravatar says:

    music…music makes me feel good and helps me heal.

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 10:10pm

  874. 874: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    871 RN amazing I’m sorry about your ex.
    I recall practically begging recycled for some encouragement and acknowledgement and I felt so empty and teary.
    He tried to but it felt hollow and unfulfilling.
    Then my family (dad) was so negative telling me I may not find the job I was working toward.
    At that point I decided I don’t need anyone’s accolades or endorsement.
    It would be nice though because I do feel lonely :-(

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 10:14pm

  875. 875: R.N.AmazingMeNo Gravatar says:

    ((((EMERSON)))) I feel a connecction with this feeling and it feels bad but working through it is harder then the initial pain I believe.

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 10:17pm

  876. 876: R.N.AmazingMeNo Gravatar says:

    Emerson I think the lesson here is look to no one for acceptance or approval, find it in yourself and the rest will work out for you because you are following your heart, though yes it gets lonely, i feel in the end it will be worth it one day.

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 10:20pm

  877. 877: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    RN thank you for your replies i feel hugged

    I was trying to think back and actually remember what helped Me a lot was yoga and power walking with my iPod.

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 10:28pm

  878. 878: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    I started really getting into the zone with myself really wanting to be over toxicEx all the while dealing with recycledCD and his inability to committ….

    It does hurt a lot though feeling like my dad does not believe in me. Very negative. But it’s ok i believe in myself and now he’s changed his tune but the comfort is shallow cuz I feel like I had to “prove” it

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 10:35pm

  879. 879: R.N.AmazingMeNo Gravatar says:

    I decided to let go of striving for approval and let those in my family be negaive if they choose. i do not choose to be negative, i choose happiness so i don’t let the negative get to me anymore…i just take care of me and my kids the best i can.

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 10:40pm

  880. 880: ViNo Gravatar says:

    R.N.AmazingMe and Emerson I feel you! I am going through realization of similar patterns of mine too. And I felt this pain urge yesterday and today I feel more at peace though… as I feel more aware of what is going on in me … and I believe this wouldn’t show up if we weren’t ready and really strong and amazing to deal with it. YAY to us :-)

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 10:52pm

  881. 881: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    Hi vi thank you for that…
    Yeah I hit a tippi g point where I felt awful a couple years ago after toxicEX and I split up and I lost my job and had to sell my house and I did not have a lot of support from my family.
    Dannggg my post sounds like a country song lolll

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 11:02pm

  882. 882: ViNo Gravatar says:

    I noticed I used to write small ‘i’ here speaking of me and in my case it related to how I felt about myself and I choose to consciously pay attention to it now. And my voice feels not so ‘squeaky’ as it used to feel … it feels stronger and more beautiful :-)

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 11:03pm

  883. 883: ViNo Gravatar says:

    (((((((Emerson)))))))

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 11:04pm

  884. 884: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    Hmm I was feeling really angry earlier today but I went and got some work done and I feel better now.

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 11:07pm

  885. 885: baby stepsNo Gravatar says:

    Siren Angel 692 – a really silly question. Since he isn’t contacting me, how does changing my vibe affect him? He’s not even around to feel it….

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 11:13pm

  886. 886: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    baby steps – they sense it from afar. In one of Rori’s programs she even talks about how when you’re focusing on him, you might as well be leaning forward and overfunctioning.

    That’s why it’s soooo important to shift your focus back to you.

    xxx

    Saturday, 8 September 2012 @ 11:32pm

  887. 887: baby stepsNo Gravatar says:

    Oh, they can?

    I caved in and messaged :(
    he was really cold. So cold that I asked if something was wrong. Stupid of me. He said nothing was wrong….

    How can a guy turn this way after 5 years.
    I can’t live with this hanging over my heart for another 2 to 3 weeks…..

    My heart feels so tight, and pain radiates all over my body.
    I wish I can hear his voice. I wish I can tell him that I love him and he has been the one thing keeping me sane all these years.

    Sunday, 9 September 2012 @ 12:13am

  888. 888: baby stepsNo Gravatar says:

    Feminine woman, which Margaret video do u like best? I’m trying the tapping for anxiety and tapping for miracle.

    Sunday, 9 September 2012 @ 12:48am

  889. 889: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    ((babysteps)) don’t worry, climb back on your horse. But no more texting yeh…!

    I’m not sure what your situation is but leaning forward will not bring him closer. Only push him away.

    Sunday, 9 September 2012 @ 1:30am

  890. 890: baby stepsNo Gravatar says:

    Smile, thank you.

    I don’t know what is wrong either…..

    Sunday, 9 September 2012 @ 1:31am

  891. 891: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    Don’t worry about figuring out what is wrong. Just feel.
    I’m not sure where in the world you are but whatever time of day it is, try taking you mind off it. Or I always find it useful to read past articles from Rori. I’ve actually just spent time reading some of diminishes this morning. I’m feeling strong, ready to start my day.

    ((babysteps))

    Sunday, 9 September 2012 @ 1:44am

  892. 892: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    *Dominiques

    Sunday, 9 September 2012 @ 1:45am

  893. 893: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    I’m feeling all eager and excited for my family BBQ! My nephew is such a scrumptious delight. He makes me feel full of energy.

    Today I am thankful for my family

    I am thankful for the sunshine

    I am thankful for my mum’s beautiful garden

    I am thankful for my pretty maxi dress

    I am thankful for just being…

    Sunday, 9 September 2012 @ 2:29am

  894. 894: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    #624 – (((Tam))) I think you’re at a good place. It’s better to feel your own “unstuckness” and hopelessness and frustration.
    I see that as movement in itself.

    Sunday, 9 September 2012 @ 2:48am

  895. 895: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    TH offered me some advice this morning while we were walking my dog, on how to do something I’ve been trying to do (and failing) with a few of my websites. I’ve been struggling for TWO days with this. Argh!

    So after several attempts and with some help from another guy on a forum I’m a member of, with TH’s help combined, I was finally able to do what I needed to do. I feel like I’ve just accomplished a huge milestone! lol

    So he just emailed me saying “oi you didn’t email me anything … I been checking all day”…

    He was expecting me to email him to ask for help. Hehe!

    For once I wasn’t even tempted to contact him at all once I got home from our walk – I’ve been way too busy! :)

    Sunday, 9 September 2012 @ 2:59am

  896. 896: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    #887- Baby steps – I feel triggered reading ur posts. I feel angry at the guy for you. I don’t understand why he is being mean…and you two have been together for so long…(((Babysteps)))

    Sunday, 9 September 2012 @ 3:00am

  897. 897: Dancing SirenNo Gravatar says:

    Hello there Sirens,

    Well I feel pleased and happy to report that my relationship is still going well. All the big things are in place except one (the ring, which is apparently on it’s way.

    I have noticed me feeling very frustrated about a few minor things. Things around the house and about planning for the future where I like to get things sorted and organised quickly, and he is happy to just leave things for ages…

    I am wondering if this indicates that I am ahead on the commitment timeline.

    The truth is I feel in limbo a bit.

    Because I am wanting to forge ahead with our life together, and yet it feels a bit weird to do so, like leaning forward.

    He recently asked me to live with him again, to which I said I would gradually move my stuff over between now and Xmas, whilst still keeping my room at home until we are married.

    When we were on holiday he expressed his desire to get married and said he has a plan and that there will be a ring by Xmas.

    He invited me to make myself comfortable in his home and has encouraged me to move stuff around so that I feel comfortable and at home.

    Sunday, 9 September 2012 @ 3:06am

  898. 898: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    Wow Dancing Siren! I feel so happy for you! It certainly seems like things are moving forward, even if they’re not at your preferred pace! How exciting!

    xxx

    Sunday, 9 September 2012 @ 3:09am

  899. 899: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    Update: Went out and had an Awesome weekend.
    Now I feel relaxed but a little sad.
    I feel a little nervous.
    I emailed Cuddleygrinch 2 days ago. I took 2.5 days to respond to his message. All i said was “al right” to his suggestiin to discuss things…
    And then I just mentioned stuff about day.

    I have not heard back from him.
    I feel…concerned and scared when I think about it.
    I wonder: hmm maybe he doesn’t Want me anymore
    I feel kind of relieved when I think that…lol
    But a little disappointed too.

    Sunday, 9 September 2012 @ 3:12am

  900. 900: SirenityNo Gravatar says:

    I managed to fix an outdoor fountain and a pump from my garden tank this weekend..I feel clever and accomplished :)

    But I would rather have a man fix it for me.

    I also did a lot of gardening, took doggy for a hydrobath and will soon be doing a little cooking,
    I have lost over 10 pounds recently , and looking forward to losing twice that much more -before my sons birthday in mid November if possible- but I will settle for another 10 by then so i will look amazing at his function. My ex husband will be there and his partner , I just want to look and feel my best.

    Sunday, 9 September 2012 @ 3:26am

  901. 901: SirenityNo Gravatar says:

    Dancing Siren , that feels wonderful to read, the plan , the ring by Christmas . I feel excited by possibilities.

    Sunday, 9 September 2012 @ 3:28am

  902. 902: forest sirenNo Gravatar says:

    Turquoise hi my name was dark horse.

    Sunday, 9 September 2012 @ 3:28am

  903. 903: HeartNo Gravatar says:

    Forest-S…you’re Dark horse? oooh!

    Sunday, 9 September 2012 @ 3:33am

  904. 904: forest sirenNo Gravatar says:

    That’s me :) … I freaked out a bit about my name so I changed it. It was a bit too close to home ;)

    Sunday, 9 September 2012 @ 3:39am

  905. 905: Dancing SirenNo Gravatar says:

    Yes, it does feel exciting!

    Thanks Ladies!

    :-)

    He was so sweet the other day.

    I noticed feeling anxious and antsy, about a few small things, and I felt silly to bring them up so they kind of built up inside me and I got all overwhelmed and upset.

    Well he made me sit down and talk to him.

    And I was careful to use FMs and not blame him.

    I was feeling VERY blamey, and wanting to make him wrong for everything, but I was able to gain awareness that he wasn’t doing anything wrong and that this way ‘my’ stuff.

    When I could do that and I was able to share my anxious feelings, and also that I WAS feeling spikey and angry.

    And he was able to hear me and he wanted to answer the things I felt worried about to put my mind at rest.

    And then he asked me not to push him away, but to tell him when things are bothering me, so he has a chance to deal with them.

    I said sometimes I feel confused about what is important and what is too small to mention. And also I feel worried about being difficult and nagging.

    He said, if it is bothering, I should tell him.

    Then we ended up talking a bit more and it came out from me how I sometimes feel broken and worried that I will never be able to ‘do’ a real relationship. I got quite teary and emotional and said in a shaky voice ‘what happens if I am broken and can’t do a relationship?’

    And he took me in his arms, and looked into my eyes and said ‘then we will fix you!’

    I totally melted.

    I couldn’t believe it.

    It’s like he just gets me and knows exactly what I need.

    Sunday, 9 September 2012 @ 4:08am

  906. 906: Dancing SirenNo Gravatar says:

    And today I text him and said I am still feeling a little in limbo and that I know we have plans for the future and nothing really feels solid yet.

    He called me from work to tell me how much he loves me and suggested we go for a walk together when he gets off work.

    What a lovely, clever man!

    Just goes to show when we can just stay in the feminine, express and then lean back and create space for them to lead the relationship.

    I wouldn’t have thought of that but actually a walk together would feel really great right now.

    Sunday, 9 September 2012 @ 4:11am

  907. 907: luzydelNo Gravatar says:

    I feel so disrespected,

    Dw said he will call me to meet p this weekend and nada no calls or anything; he hasn’t changed, he still the same man who cannot keep his word.

    I am done! that’s it if he came back to bring I lesson I learned it and I do not want to continue with him anymore.

    I want a man who can keep hi words…

    Sunday, 9 September 2012 @ 4:42am

  908. 908: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    I have not heard from him the whole night, but when I woke up today I saw his text sent at midnight: trip tomorrow? I said that I wanted to go to nature for the whole day today. I have not replied yet. Not sure what to say. *If he was busy last night why not to tell me?

    Sunday, 9 September 2012 @ 5:03am

  909. 909: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Memulo Luzydel let go do take things so personal. They might have forgotten or just felt tired. Lighten up on yourselvs and set yourselvs free.

    Sunday, 9 September 2012 @ 5:18am

  910. 910: SassyNo Gravatar says:

    I am not a part of the sirens Facebook, can someone post here what Flowerchild said? I have felt so worried about her and her son. Thank you

    Sunday, 9 September 2012 @ 5:21am

  911. 911: SenaraNo Gravatar says:

    909 FW

    Like

    Sunday, 9 September 2012 @ 5:21am

  912. 912: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    910 – her son passed away Sassy. :(

    Sunday, 9 September 2012 @ 5:22am

  913. 913: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Meant dont take things personal

    Sunday, 9 September 2012 @ 5:22am

  914. 914: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Holy Crap I feel devastated. ((Flowerchild))))

    Sunday, 9 September 2012 @ 5:25am

  915. 915: SenaraNo Gravatar says:

    (((((Flowerchild)))))

    I am so so sorry for your loss. :(

    Sunday, 9 September 2012 @ 5:26am

  916. 916: Dancing SirenNo Gravatar says:

    Is Flowerchild ok??

    What has happened?

    I feel worried!

    Sunday, 9 September 2012 @ 5:30am

  917. 917: Dancing SirenNo Gravatar says:

    Oh no.

    I just saw above what happened.

    I don’t know what to say.

    :-(

    Sunday, 9 September 2012 @ 5:31am

  918. 918: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    BW would you kindly express my condolences. I dont know what to say. I cant even imagine what she must be going through

    Sunday, 9 September 2012 @ 5:31am

  919. 919: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Car accidemt