Here’s a letter about one of my favorite topics – how working with what triggers us can change our lives almost overnight…
I know everyone has their things to deal with. I know I am not alone. I know many people have dealt with many things 1000 times worse than me.
My family is probably my biggest issue. I feel exhausted, annoyed, irritated, judged, constricted around them. There is never just a nice visit with them. My mom picked me up from the airport the other day and was crabby that I didn’t have more to share with her about my trip.
Got to their house, ate dinner, my dad points to the scale on their kitchen counter. He said to me, “Go put the scale on the floor, press on, press 1 and stand on it.” This is a talking scale by the way…
So I was infuriated. I don’t know how many times I have told them I don’t want to discuss my weight, it makes me angry when people make comments about it, etc.
So I got angry and told him, “NO, I am not doing that!”
He said, “why not, what’s the big deal?” I said, “you already know what the big deal is, we’ve discussed this many times.”
My mom said, “she doesn’t like it when people talk about her weight.” in a snotty tone.
Then, my dad said, “we bought a new scale and I thought maybe you would want this one.”
Then, why not just say, do you want this? Why do all that when he knows I’m going to be angry? I feel they purposely antagonize me.
I have actually started letting this go in the past year. I’ve started making decisions based on my needs and not theirs. Many times my mom makes it seem like I’m the devil. My aunts & uncles at least make me feel better by acknowledging how much I do and how much I go out of my way for things. They tell me how good I am to always come to family functions, when it takes a lot of effort on my part.
Most family functions are a long distance from me and I also have to pick my mom up, drop her off and stay to have a conversation with my dad about the party since he can’t travel that far. So a party for me, it an entire day event. It feels good to be acknowledged.
“All of these things you’ve experienced are not negatives. Try to shift this perspective in YOU, and the world will reflect this back to you.” I’ve been trying to do this without much success. It’s hard to get away from negativity, when that was your entire life. I feel happy that I am no where near as negative as my parents. I see that in them and I don’t want to be like that.
Sounds to me like you’re smack in the middle of a great school called Life 101, where you discover who you are, what you want, what you think, what triggers you, what it all does and doesn’t mean, and how to deal with people who love you but whose way of showing how much they care doesn’t feel good.
In my personal experience – what I’m fighting within myself, and not owning and LOVING and forgiving and making peace with and embracing inside myself – are the things that most trigger me.
For instance, if someone were to call me “selfish” I would be hugely triggered.
When someone mentions my age as though I don’t look “20 years younger” (the way I prefer to see myself…) I find myself hating them and feeling offended.
I get triggered just as much as anyone.
The trick is to be able to “catch” all of this, realize quickly that there’s some more love that has to be slathered on myself – these triggered areas especially – and move toward a more peaceful attitude and perspective.
I change the “meaning” I’ve given it all.