AND – how can you know, trust, feel good about your other options – alone, without him – without Circular Dating and EXPERIENCING how other men relate to you? For me – you can’t.
“Rori, I am glad to say that the criticism, verbal abuse and mind games no longer much of an issue.
The big problem I need help with is that I discovered evidence of several emotional and physical affairs. He doesn’t understand why I would be upset. He was sleeping at home every night wasn’t he? He was working hard and bringing home lots of money and taking good care of me. A man can have his wife and a little nookie on the side, right?
Now he claims he is not doing anything physical but I have trouble believing him. He believes it is all right to lie to save me from being upset. Should I be upset that he is taking someone to lunch every week? I was not looking but saw the charges on his credit card recently.
One option is to get my emotional and financial trip together while seeing if we could reconcile. When I feel strong enough, if there was evidence that things were still going on I would serve him with divorce papers.
Another option is that we seem to be getting along quite well these days and could I consider an open marriage? Lost…”
Lost, I’ve worked with many women in this situation – you’d be surprised how many men think this way (and how many would NEVER think this way!)
AND – there are no rules here.
If you like the financial stability and enjoy his company – why NOT consider an open marriage? Would he accept you taking an additional lover also?
And – how is your sex life? Do you enjoy that, or does all this turn you off?
This is your life. If you can be happy sharing him (without trying to find out if there’s another woman at any given time or not) – then why not share him?
(I know a whole bunch of polyamorous friends – and they are VERY happy! All of them!)
If that’s just not for you, and you feel uncomfortable with it - then you have to consider if you’d rather live alone for awhile, until you met someone else.
So – in that case – I’d seriously encourage you to Circular Date NOW so you can experience what that would be like.
This should be a considered decision – not an emotional one based on what you’ve been TAUGHT is right for a woman.
Have what you want – and make your own rules.
Do NOT expect him to change.
The only way for this to work in ANY case is for you not to care what he does. This isn’t about him.
It’s about making decisions that feel the best for you – regardless of what he does or doesn’t do.
If you love him, and the relationship feels good otherwise – then see what happens.
If he makes you feel bad in general – I’d say CD and take a look at your options. a relationship doesn’t have to be “bad” or “toxic’ for you to leave it.