Here’s a letter I find important:
“Rori, let me start my story… I know this guy online we are good friends who became best friends so I call. He is the kind of guy who cares for you and can do anything to make you happy when he is happy with me… and when he is angry for a small mistake like answering back or taking his silent treatment rudely or at something else he would go without talking to me for months. When he gets back to me I give him all what I can whatever is possible from me forget what happened. I know he wont change.
I’m a victim of rape and when I told him about it he supported me he was so angry with those people he would have killed them. But once when he was angry he told me I “attract them more and ask them rape me rape me” the whole 2 hour online fight where I shed tears where he treated me as dirt while I was begging please I’m just hurt I’m sorry for nothing I did. He went away for a few days he ignored but when he spoke to me again I forgave him like nothing ever happened.
Lot of times later if I let my bottled feelings on his silence known he keeps silent he uses his heartless sarcasm which makes me feel like dirt. Like I have no value. Yet I give all of my love for him now he considers it to be fake.
I know I can leave him but still a part of me doesn’t want to. Please help me give me some tips. I believe too much in astrology and he is a Virgo. I feel too sensitive too left out.
Please let me know how to respond to his sarcasm. He always makes me feel that I’m wrong when I’m only trying to convey my feelings.
I really need the help from anyone and everyone. Thanks, Phoenix”
Phoenix, this man is not good for you – I can tell just by how bad you feel around him. The question is – what’s keeping you from completely walking away from him and making new friends and getting new lovers?
Also – I’m a long-time survivor of rape and assault, too, and a counselor – and the first thing that needs to happen is for you to get some support to STOP calling yourself a “victim” of ANYTHING.
You are a survivor – even a conqueror – should anyone ask. MORE than that!
And you still have feelings trapped in this experience that need some help getting resolved.
Please go find someone professional to talk to.
And – that experience never, ever goes away out of your awareness.
It’s how you integrate the experience into your life, the energy you give to it and don’t give to it, and the compassion you show yourself that counts.
Same as with everything else that happens in our lives.
It’s the perspective, and the work to accept and integrate and love the feelings that accompany every moment of our lives that make the difference.