Comments on: If He Wants To Be Friends – Get Your Energy Out Of There http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/from-lovers-to-friends-and-back-again/if-he-wants-to-be-friends-get-your-energy-out-of-there/ Marriage & Relationship Advice From Rori Raye Sat, 31 Jul 2010 00:37:58 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=5176 By: lovely lady http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/from-lovers-to-friends-and-back-again/if-he-wants-to-be-friends-get-your-energy-out-of-there/comment-page-2/#comment-49327 lovely lady Wed, 14 Jul 2010 19:38:53 +0000 http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/?p=265#comment-49327 I am intimidated by his anger and he uses that to train me to behave to his preference. He becomes hysterically angry but it is mostly verbal although the body language is scary. I trust him not to harm me physically (not counting the adrenalin and stress I feel pouring thru my body). I felt that stress even when he was angry on the phone. I wasnt sure if it was best to take the call but I decided to just listen and let him exspress himself until he was done. I feel like he tries to stop me from exspressing myself asking questions or discussing difficult feelings about the rlationship which makes me more frustrated and mad. Its also because I still want something from him such as affection and more. I shift between trust and doubt. He sometimes behaves like a cad and then acts incredulous that I am not seeing him as a gentleman. At other times I beleive he is a gentleman. Iv been obsessing and sad since last night. I hope and pray for love and respect for myself and all u women on this site. Thanks for being here. Thanks for the message of hope Rori. I am intimidated by his anger and he uses that to train me to behave to his preference. He becomes hysterically angry but it is mostly verbal although the body language is scary. I trust him not to harm me physically (not counting the adrenalin and stress I feel pouring thru my body). I felt that stress even when he was angry on the phone. I wasnt sure if it was best to take the call but I decided to just listen and let him exspress himself until he was done. I feel like he tries to stop me from exspressing myself asking questions or discussing difficult feelings about the rlationship which makes me more frustrated and mad. Its also because I still want something from him such as affection and more. I shift between trust and doubt. He sometimes behaves like a cad and then acts incredulous that I am not seeing him as a gentleman. At other times I beleive he is a gentleman. Iv been obsessing and sad since last night. I hope and pray for love and respect for myself and all u women on this site. Thanks for being here. Thanks for the message of hope Rori.

]]> By: lovely lady http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/from-lovers-to-friends-and-back-again/if-he-wants-to-be-friends-get-your-energy-out-of-there/comment-page-2/#comment-49181 lovely lady Mon, 12 Jul 2010 22:26:53 +0000 http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/?p=265#comment-49181 He texted me back after that and said he just woke up and remembered he had to work. Without apology. He did say we could make it next weekend. Its most likely he will have more work next weekend and I dont want to cry again next weekend! I am so mad I didnt reply or answer even when he called or texted that evening. The next morning I sent an angry text and mentioning that he hadnt apologized or even texted until 2 days after he said he would. I was reading the newsletter today and it made me wish I would have exspressed my anger with more I feel statements than you did and didnt statements but too late now. I will try to do better next time. He hasnt attempted any communication since then. He texted me back after that and said he just woke up and remembered he had to work. Without apology. He did say we could make it next weekend. Its most likely he will have more work next weekend and I dont want to cry again next weekend! I am so mad I didnt reply or answer even when he called or texted that evening. The next morning I sent an angry text and mentioning that he hadnt apologized or even texted until 2 days after he said he would. I was reading the newsletter today and it made me wish I would have exspressed my anger with more I feel statements than you did and didnt statements but too late now. I will try to do better next time. He hasnt attempted any communication since then.

]]> By: lovely lady http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/from-lovers-to-friends-and-back-again/if-he-wants-to-be-friends-get-your-energy-out-of-there/comment-page-2/#comment-49012 lovely lady Sat, 10 Jul 2010 20:09:58 +0000 http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/?p=265#comment-49012 Thank you for your kindness and insight. On not toeing the line: I remind myself that I do not have to cooperate with or obey him. He is not my boss. I can say no. Whats going on now: I am away from him and not so available and vulnerable. Im on my short trip out of town. Mid week we texted and planned that he would visit for the weekend I felt like he is being manly and making and effort to see me and I felt good about it. He said he would text Thursday and Friday and see me Saturday and Sunday. Its Saturday afternoon and he hasnt texted and hasnt shown up and an hour ago I cried and texted him just one word hello? and he didnt respond. So I am not going to text any more because I would only be telling him that I am sad and angry and I wish he had some really respectable exscuse but lets face it that is unlikely. So I am going to go do something to get my mind off all this. Thank you for your kindness and insight.
On not toeing the line: I remind myself that I do not have to cooperate with or obey him. He is not my boss. I can say no.
Whats going on now: I am away from him and not so available and vulnerable. Im on my short trip out of town. Mid week we texted and planned that he would visit for the weekend I felt like he is being manly and making and effort to see me and I felt good about it. He said he would text Thursday and Friday and see me Saturday and Sunday. Its Saturday afternoon and he hasnt texted and hasnt shown up and an hour ago I cried and texted him just one word hello? and he didnt respond. So I am not going to text any more because I would only be telling him that I am sad and angry and I wish he had some really respectable exscuse but lets face it that is unlikely. So I am going to go do something to get my mind off all this.

]]> By: Rori Raye http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/from-lovers-to-friends-and-back-again/if-he-wants-to-be-friends-get-your-energy-out-of-there/comment-page-2/#comment-48874 Rori Raye Fri, 09 Jul 2010 15:39:30 +0000 http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/?p=265#comment-48874 lovely lady, Welcome, and I'm so sorry you are in this pain - and you're not going to like this, but it's my take on your situation. This is a controlling, abusive man who's a powder keg waiting to blow. Please work on the part of you that's willing to "toe the line" for a man...it's not the way to have a great life and relationship. Love, Rori lovely lady, Welcome, and I’m so sorry you are in this pain – and you’re not going to like this, but it’s my take on your situation. This is a controlling, abusive man who’s a powder keg waiting to blow. Please work on the part of you that’s willing to “toe the line” for a man…it’s not the way to have a great life and relationship. Love, Rori

]]> By: lovely lady http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/from-lovers-to-friends-and-back-again/if-he-wants-to-be-friends-get-your-energy-out-of-there/comment-page-2/#comment-48613 lovely lady Wed, 07 Jul 2010 21:53:55 +0000 http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/?p=265#comment-48613 I am on my short trip out of town. Iv got my energy out of there! Last summer I was a good woman and a good friend to him and since then too. Last summer he would talk on the phone in front of me to a woman in his language which i dont understand and these were up to 1hour long calls. He has me trained to be silent and not so much as cough or sneeze while he is on the phone. There were a lot of calls that season, a few in between and recently one where he was laughing alot during the conversation. I share plenty of laughs with him myself, but they seem less special since I think Im not the only one to share that. He told me that it was women from his family like his mother, sister or aunt, but I know his relationship with his mother and sister is full of conflict and the aunt I dont know about but He wouldnt be having that kind of phone call with them is the conclusion that Iv come too. At other times he has had phone calls with his mom or sister and these I can tell because they are different. If I ask him any question when the thought of another woman is in my head he gets angry and calls it a stupid question. That most recent call I behaved perfectly according to his preferences, I was silent and I closed the door and left the room and distracted my self with the headphones and a TV movie. He was affectionate with me after the call, in a good mood. If I had behaved differently he would have been angry. It still bothers me though, I wish he could just tell me who she is and what is between them. He would probably say its none of my business. Well I know my message meanders all over the place but If you have comments or insights on anything Iv mentioned I can use all the help I can get! I have strong feelings for him but Im not sure if he has future potential as the man in my life although I do want the friendship to last forever. My ego is hurt and angry that after I have been sexually involved and giving the best of myself in many ways that he told me in anger that Im "not the one". My ego says: how can he not love me! I am on my short trip out of town. Iv got my energy out of there!
Last summer I was a good woman and a good friend to him and since then too. Last summer he would talk on the phone in front of me to a woman in his language which i dont understand and these were up to 1hour long calls. He has me trained to be silent and not so much as cough or sneeze while he is on the phone. There were a lot of calls that season, a few in between and recently one where he was laughing alot during the conversation. I share plenty of laughs with him myself, but they seem less special since I think Im not the only one to share that. He told me that it was women from his family like his mother, sister or aunt, but I know his relationship with his mother and sister is full of conflict and the aunt I dont know about but He wouldnt be having that kind of phone call with them is the conclusion that Iv come too. At other times he has had phone calls with his mom or sister and these I can tell because they are different. If I ask him any question when the thought of another woman is in my head he gets angry and calls it a stupid question. That most recent call I behaved perfectly according to his preferences, I was silent and I closed the door and left the room and distracted my self with the headphones and a TV movie. He was affectionate with me after the call, in a good mood. If I had behaved differently he would have been angry. It still bothers me though, I wish he could just tell me who she is and what is between them. He would probably say its none of my business.

Well I know my message meanders all over the place but If you have comments or insights on anything Iv mentioned I can use all the help I can get!
I have strong feelings for him but Im not sure if he has future potential as the man in my life although I do want the friendship to last forever.

My ego is hurt and angry that after I have been sexually involved and giving the best of myself in many ways that he told me in anger that Im “not the one”. My ego says: how can he not love me!

]]> By: Rori Raye http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/from-lovers-to-friends-and-back-again/if-he-wants-to-be-friends-get-your-energy-out-of-there/comment-page-2/#comment-42084 Rori Raye Wed, 26 May 2010 17:17:20 +0000 http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/?p=265#comment-42084 Yes, Desire. This just means it's not a good match. There are amazing matches for you out there --go put yourself where these great men can find you...Love, Rori Yes, Desire. This just means it’s not a good match. There are amazing matches for you out there –go put yourself where these great men can find you…Love, Rori

]]> By: Desire' http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/from-lovers-to-friends-and-back-again/if-he-wants-to-be-friends-get-your-energy-out-of-there/comment-page-2/#comment-42081 Desire' Wed, 26 May 2010 16:54:00 +0000 http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/?p=265#comment-42081 Hi Rori. Thanks. Its tough today. I keep saying to myself wow i cant believe he is not texting me. what do you expect he does not love you anymore. its so hard to accept this that all he wants is friendship after he professed his supposed love for me. But this is right, cutting him out of my life is best and besides its not like he is thinking of me as I am of him. Hi Rori. Thanks. Its tough today. I keep saying to myself wow i cant believe he is not texting me. what do you expect he does not love you anymore. its so hard to accept this that all he wants is friendship after he professed his supposed love for me. But this is right, cutting him out of my life is best and besides its not like he is thinking of me as I am of him.

]]> By: Rori Raye http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/from-lovers-to-friends-and-back-again/if-he-wants-to-be-friends-get-your-energy-out-of-there/comment-page-2/#comment-42079 Rori Raye Wed, 26 May 2010 15:43:29 +0000 http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/?p=265#comment-42079 Desire, Welcome, and I'm so sorry you have to go through this - and you're doing brilliantly. If you Circular Date - this won't happen again. Love, Rori Desire, Welcome, and I’m so sorry you have to go through this – and you’re doing brilliantly. If you Circular Date – this won’t happen again. Love, Rori

]]> By: Desire' http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/from-lovers-to-friends-and-back-again/if-he-wants-to-be-friends-get-your-energy-out-of-there/comment-page-2/#comment-42051 Desire' Tue, 25 May 2010 22:39:02 +0000 http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/?p=265#comment-42051 Hi Rori. I met this guy 2.5 yrs ago. We were just friends and would text a lot. We were never intimate as friends. I fell in love with him but he never knew it because I knew his intentions. Then last September we started to talk more and amore and by October he professed his love for me. We then became intimate and in March of this yr he dumped me. Said it was not working for him and he wanted to be "friends." At first I said hell no. I deleted him from Facebook, email, blocked his number. Then he says how can you love someone and just cut them off. So I decided to try to friendship thing. Its been 2 months since his dumping and the friend thing isnt working for me. It feels so how like it was before. I want to know, from him, how can you say youlove some one and just not anymore. Today was my last correspondence with him. I told him I hope he has a safe flight home and to take care. That was it. And at that point Ijust decided no more. Two Years too long. I finally realized he will not love me as I love him. Its like that song, Winner at a Losing Game; trying to get him to love me is like trying catching a drop a rain. Thanks for listening. Hi Rori. I met this guy 2.5 yrs ago. We were just friends and would text a lot. We were never intimate as friends. I fell in love with him but he never knew it because I knew his intentions. Then last September we started to talk more and amore and by October he professed his love for me. We then became intimate and in March of this yr he dumped me. Said it was not working for him and he wanted to be “friends.” At first I said hell no. I deleted him from Facebook, email, blocked his number. Then he says how can you love someone and just cut them off. So I decided to try to friendship thing. Its been 2 months since his dumping and the friend thing isnt working for me. It feels so how like it was before. I want to know, from him, how can you say youlove some one and just not anymore. Today was my last correspondence with him. I told him I hope he has a safe flight home and to take care. That was it. And at that point Ijust decided no more. Two Years too long. I finally realized he will not love me as I love him. Its like that song, Winner at a Losing Game; trying to get him to love me is like trying catching a drop a rain.

Thanks for listening.

]]> By: Rori Raye http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/from-lovers-to-friends-and-back-again/if-he-wants-to-be-friends-get-your-energy-out-of-there/comment-page-2/#comment-41717 Rori Raye Mon, 24 May 2010 18:37:34 +0000 http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/?p=265#comment-41717 kim, Welcome, and ou won't like this - but he's done. You're done with him. There's nothing there. He's said so. He's acted so. Stop thinking about him and Circular Date. Focus on yourself. Love YOU instead of pining for him - and let a man who can DO love show up to be with you. Love, Rori kim, Welcome, and ou won’t like this – but he’s done. You’re done with him. There’s nothing there. He’s said so. He’s acted so. Stop thinking about him and Circular Date. Focus on yourself. Love YOU instead of pining for him – and let a man who can DO love show up to be with you. Love, Rori

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