About Feelings – From A MAN

Look at this comment – from a MAN!:

“Hello,

I found your site after watching one of David D’s programs. I find it much better to read than most men’s columns which are mostly how to pick-up women at the grocery store.

Anyways, I find if I’m feeling “bad,” it also needs to be dug into a bit deeper. “Bad” is a label, to me not much different than “angry.”

What I have found useful is to actually notice the feeling, the PHYSICAL feeling.

Example:

How do you feel?

Bad.

Bad how?

My stomach is tight, my face feels hot, and I feel a tightness in my upper chest. I feel some energy inside me, in my upper chest, and it feels like a heavy weight.

I find this is a good start usually. It gets me away from labels/abstractions and into the real, and I find it works great with women I talk to also.

We get so caught up in labels that we forget what the actual experience is!

Thanks for writing as you do, I only found the site 3 days ago and it’s a daily read now.

Best,
Matt

From Rori:

Hi, Matt, I wanted to thank you personally for your comment, and hope you’ll continue to contribute  – it’s inestimably valuable to have a man’s input here.

If you like my Feeling Message work – look at the Power & Self Esteem category on the blog, and follow from the first post as I walk you through “The Riff” – it’s exactly what you’re talking about.

Love, Rori

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561 Comments to “About Feelings – From A MAN”

  1. 1: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    We get so caught up in labels that we forget what the actual experience is!

    Monday, 25 June 2012 @ 6:33am

  2. 2: CalypsoNo Gravatar says:

    It feels a little scary for me to think of men reading this blog.

    Monday, 25 June 2012 @ 6:43am

  3. 3: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Calypso if it is a trigger, it is what you want to be exposed to. It will help to heal the fear. Men are humans with issues too.

    Monday, 25 June 2012 @ 6:46am

  4. 4: CalypsoNo Gravatar says:

    From previous thread:

    Thanks FW. I ended the meeting by telling him that I wished him the best, but that we were not going to be a match because I was way past the point where he is now and could not go back there. I encouraged him to take it slow and wished him the best. I think he was shocked and a little mad that I was not interested in seeing him again. We were not even on a date – he asked to meet me to just talk – we sat in his truck. It felt like an interview anyway – There was a nice place to eat just up the road, but he was afraid someone would see him on a date . . . Lord above!

    Monday, 25 June 2012 @ 6:50am

  5. 5: ReceivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    I posted and then realized a new thread was up, so I’m reposting :)

    Mr. Observant texted with me for an hour last night. It felt so nice and he sounded so clear-headed and good. He put my address in his GPS in his car so “now I can navigate”, he said.

    This morning, he text me that link again for the app. Makes me think this morning swung back the other way. I responded, Thank you! and he responded, You are welcome! :)

    I will keep up my positive thoughts! He will get there soon enough. I’m happy his mom and kids are getting him out of the house. That is good for him & he really likes music, so the concerts are good for him to watch.

    Monday, 25 June 2012 @ 6:51am

  6. 6: ReceivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    Calypso – I understand how it feels scary for men to be reading this blog. I feel a little twinge myself, but I also enjoy hearing a man’s perspective too.

    Monday, 25 June 2012 @ 6:54am

  7. 7: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Calypso then again you can’t blame him for trying to get some joy and fun in his life.

    Monday, 25 June 2012 @ 7:03am

  8. 8: ReceivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    @4 Calypso – I feel proud of you for telling that man no. It’s also not a good thing if he feels he needs to hide in his truck with a woman so people don’t think he’s on a date. There sounds like a lot of drama going on that you aren’t even aware of.

    Monday, 25 June 2012 @ 7:13am

  9. 9: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Sorry FW, I posted this on the other thread:

    FW, it is ‘moving towards relationship’ which is why I don’t want to worry too much about it yet (but I am). There has been no sex yet, kissing yes, and he has been trying to ‘ask me out’ saying that he would like to know where this is going but realises it is a bit too early, and I just said ‘yes’…so I feel it is time I discovered how I feel about that. Seeing that he is staying with another woman does not make me feel too good about heading into relationship territory..

    also…what would I say about the female friends thing in the ‘negotiations’ regarding a relationship?
    I also have male friends, though nobody I would stay with really, but surely I can’t expect him to drop his female friends, particularly if he’s had them for years….but it bugs me when there seems to be ‘chemistry’ and not just a friendship. It makes me feel insecure. Just hypothetically speaking now..

    Monday, 25 June 2012 @ 7:14am

  10. 10: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Tam I am sure he would be willing to tell you who his female friends are so my belief is that you can be open in sharing how you feel about being in a relationship with a man who stays in an exes or girlfriend’s home. Own it as your issue and let him know you pay attention to your gut feelings around these things while also acknowledging that you can’t control a man or want to dictate how he lives his life. Just that you know certain experiences you don’t want because it is too difficult for you to handle.

    Monday, 25 June 2012 @ 7:19am

  11. 11: siren songNo Gravatar says:

    i woke up today without a feeling of loss in my stomach for guy who loves me.

    i saw him yesterday afternoon and he seemed way less attractive to me…he looked old and tired and sad. he was riding his bike with a frown on his face. i don’t know why, but it struck me as really unatractive. i feel kind of guilty for saying that.

    last week i told him i didn’t want to be involved with him if he was seeing other people. i said i wouldn’t be contacting him anymore. then he sent me a random email about bruce springsteen (wtf?) which i replied to by saying i felt curious as to why he was still in contact. no reply.

    i think about the fights we had toward the end (mostly him screaming at me about CDing) and how stressed and unhappy he was and i feel sick now.

    he also popped up last night in a friend’s facebook photo. he looked sad and tired in the photo too.

    i feel sad that he is so unhappy. but i feel happy that i am finally moving on.

    Monday, 25 June 2012 @ 7:20am

  12. 12: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you FW, that sounds dead on.
    Except knowing myself I find it way too hard to muster up the courage to bring these things up, but if he mentions ‘relationship’ I am going to have to.
    I realise it is better to bring these things up at the beginning than to pretend all is fine and then get annoyed and lash out 6 months later….
    Well, he hasn’t been in touch after that episode, who knows, but I believe he will… :)

    Monday, 25 June 2012 @ 7:25am

  13. 13: TamNo Gravatar says:

    RG – happy about Mr Observant!!

    Calypso…it’s indeed something to be thankful for when someone is honest, even though disappointing to hear the story. I find it much worse when they lie and afterwards you find out the whole truth when you are already attached to them somehow. I had that happen loads of times…you had a lucky escape no doubt

    Monday, 25 June 2012 @ 7:27am

  14. 14: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Just saw this nugget in a Christian Carter email

    “And like every man, his natural response when you arrive at new levels of commitment will be for him to RESIST you and your relationship.

    Don’t let this frustrate or confuse you in case you thought that becoming engaged meant that he wouldn’t ever act this way again.

    This isn’t how men work. But now you know what to do about it.”

    Monday, 25 June 2012 @ 7:33am

  15. 15: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    “There Is Something You Really Need To Know…

    The secret to making a man fall for you – head over heels – is to NOT HOLD BACK!

    Only – and this is truly important – it’s absolutely CRUCIAL to say your truth in the right WORDS…
    Learn To Speak Directly To His Heart And Feel Loved
    If you’re enduring a situation where you don’t feel loved, honored, cared for, or appreciated – how do you say that to your man? Especially if you don’t want to be attacking him, or venting your anger at him, or yelling or complaining?

    To solve this awful situation for you, I created my video program Love Scripts. It’s all about how to say the HARDEST things imaginable to a man – and make him love you MORE!

    There are very specific Tools and techniques for telling a man what you need, what you want, what you won’t tolerate, and how you want HIM to change, and Love Scripts has it all for you – word for word. You’ll know exactly what to say to any man, anytime – and what NOT to say – right here:

    Watch Now

    …at the right time, with the right body language, and radiating the right “vibe” from inside you.

    Here’s how we’ll start with this TELL THE TRUTH Tool:

    Try This “New Rule”:

    If I made “telling the truth to a man” a game for you, where you couldn’t vent, or yell, or complain, or make him wrong – or even say the word “you” to him – how would you say it? In the most truthful, fully expressed way possible?

    I want you to just consider this. Give yourself some time to breathe, mull it over – even if you find your mind back in some old argument – or going over the problem that came up just an hour ago.
    Now, imagine a situation with a man that comes up all the time, that’s bothering you constantly, or seemed to be a pattern of conflict and upset for you in past relationships.
    Now imagine that he’s standing in front of you.
    Allow yourself to FEEL what you feel, what you’ve felt, what the memory brings up for you, and how you feel imagining him standing right there in front of you.
    Get into the Rori Raye Dance Position:

    Get yourself standing comfortably, put one foot in front of the other a bit so you don’t fall over, and lean your upper body BACK.
    Allow your back to curve, allow your belly to hang out in front of you without holding it in or holding your breath.
    Allow your arms to dangle from your shoulders, with your palms turned toward the man you imagine standing in front of you.
    Imagine there’s a big plastic zipper over your heart – and pull that zipper DOWN and expose your heart…
    Allow yourself to feel what it feels like to have your heart open and exposed – literally – to the world and the man in front of you.
    Track your entire body so that you NOTICE what parts are tense – and as you gently allow the tense parts to release and relax and rest – notice where tension shows up in other parts of your body.
    Now imagine what you want to say to him about what you need and want and would change about him and your situation together – and say it OUT LOUD if you can.
    Now write it out for yourself – what you would normally say to him, what you’re imagining saying to him, what you’ve said out loud.

    (It’s great to carry a journal or piece of paper with you to practice this Tool as much as you can to change things as fast as you can…)

    Just write what you instinctively first want to say…using the words you most usually want to use.

    Now -
    TRANSLATE it into Feeling Messages.

    Just rework what you instinctively want to say – how you want to hurl your upset at him – and write it all in POETRY, from your heart – instead of “descriptions” and “reportings” from your head.

    Make it only from you, sharing your feeling state and not linking it at ALL to what has happened or what he’s done or not done, or who he seems to be or not be….
    These are the basics – and where I want to go next with this letter is why this all works so powerfully, and why I want you to do these 2 steps as much as possible. To PRACTICE doing them all day long…

    And it has to do with “intimacy.”

    Monday, 25 June 2012 @ 7:42am

  16. 16: TamNo Gravatar says:

    FW, great post…and yet such a hard thing to do. I hate feeling vulnerable, but it’s the only way.

    Monday, 25 June 2012 @ 7:54am

  17. 17: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    siren song,
    I feel jealous… I wish I could see my ex and feel turned off and be grateful to be moving on, haha.

    I feel obsessed/stuck/missing him/not okay/confused

    blah

    Monday, 25 June 2012 @ 8:52am

  18. 18: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    also, i’m sorry you’re feeling so bad today:( ((((((((hugs))))))) to you

    Monday, 25 June 2012 @ 8:58am

  19. 19: CalypsoNo Gravatar says:

    I hear you, STARLA!!!

    I feel the same way about GM. I’m so ready to have a day go by without me thinking of him! And just when I start to get better . . . he will contact me and it will start all over again.

    Monday, 25 June 2012 @ 8:59am

  20. 20: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Repost
    “So why, then, do we stay in unfavorable relationships even when we suspect something (or many things) are very, very wrong?

    Why do we stay in relationships even when we’re frustrated or even totally unhappy?

    Simple…we want answers. We want CLOSURE.

    Somehow, sticking around until we KNOW EVERYTHING FOR SURE is exactly what KEEPS US THERE.

    Weird, isn’t it?

    Actually, it’s really a perfectly normal human thought process called the Zeigarnik Effect.

    According to Wikipedia, the Zeigarnik Effect states that “people remember uncompleted or interrupted tasks better than completed ones”.

    In other words, if we’re “left hanging” in suspense about something, we’re very likely to have a very unsettling feeling until whatever it is can be resolved.

    When a TV show ends with “to be continued”, we’re peeved…but we’re also way, way more likely to tune in to the next episode!

    And that’s EXACTLY what’s going on in your relationship.

    Your guy is depending upon the element of unresolved “mystery” to keep you around, despite pretty strong evidence that you should probably end things.

    Well, here’s what I hope you’ll take away from this conversation above all else: OFTEN IN LIFE YOU’LL NEVER, EVER GET ALL THE ANSWERS.

    Sure, you feel like you don’t want to mess something good up if all of this is in your head. But when the evidence that something fishy is going on starts to mount, it’s time to act.

    And now is one of those times where you’ve got to fight the urge to resolve your suspense and simply let go.

    The ironic part? Once you break up he may just end up giving you the information you wanted anyway.

    Why? Well, because it’s also human nature to spill our guts when there’s no longer any reason to keep quiet.

    I realize this will be a hard decision, but I’m rooting for you!

    Have Fun (for a change!),

    Emily McKay

    Monday, 25 June 2012 @ 9:09am

  21. 21: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Repost
    “So why, then, do we stay in unfavorable relationships even when we suspect something (or many things) are very, very wrong?

    Why do we stay in relationships even when we’re frustrated or even totally unhappy?

    Simple…we want answers. We want CLOSURE.

    Somehow, sticking around until we KNOW EVERYTHING FOR SURE is exactly what KEEPS US THERE.

    Weird, isn’t it?

    Actually, it’s really a perfectly normal human thought process called the Zeigarnik Effect.

    According to Wikipedia, the Zeigarnik Effect states that “people remember uncompleted or interrupted tasks better than completed ones”.

    In other words, if we’re “left hanging” in suspense about something, we’re very likely to have a very unsettling feeling until whatever it is can be resolved.

    When a TV show ends with “to be continued”, we’re peeved…but we’re also way, way more likely to tune in to the next episode!

    And that’s EXACTLY what’s going on in your relationship.

    Your guy is depending upon the element of unresolved “mystery” to keep you around, despite pretty strong evidence that you should probably end things.

    Well, here’s what I hope you’ll take away from this conversation above all else: OFTEN IN LIFE YOU’LL NEVER, EVER GET ALL THE ANSWERS.

    Sure, you feel like you don’t want to mess something good up if all of this is in your head. But when the evidence that something fishy is going on starts to mount, it’s time to act.

    And now is one of those times where you’ve got to fight the urge to resolve your suspense and simply let go.

    The ironic part? Once you break up he may just end up giving you the information you wanted anyway.

    Why? Well, because it’s also human nature to spill our guts when there’s no longer any reason to keep quiet.

    I realize this will be a hard decision, but I’m rooting for you!

    Have Fun (for a change!),

    Emily McKay

    Monday, 25 June 2012 @ 9:09am

  22. 22: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    CF will only contact me when he is totally ready to face the music. He won’t contact me out of weakness or loneliness. He thinks he is doing me a favor by staying completely away, which he is, but it would have been nice if he had honored me enough to speak to me. Maybe I should start reminding myself of all his bad qualities.

    Monday, 25 June 2012 @ 9:10am

  23. 23: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    I also think it would be good to get my mind off of him by dating, but I feel scared and untrusting of myself not to get distracted and lose myself.

    I want to give it time for CF to fade from my mind a bit, so that the first thing I think of when I wake up in the morning is MYSELF, not some man.

    Monday, 25 June 2012 @ 9:17am

  24. 24: EmoticonNo Gravatar says:

    Hey everybody! Have a Great Week!!

    Monday, 25 June 2012 @ 9:24am

  25. 25: CalypsoNo Gravatar says:

    Starla – Sometime I focus on the bad things about GM’s behavior, but then I think about the Law of Attraction . . . Yikes! I think you are right – until we can wake up and focus our attention on ourselves and what makes us happy and not on a man – we won’t be ready for a new man. I compare everyone I meet to GM. It get attracted to things that remind me of hima nd annoyed by things (simple things like the sound of their voice) that are not the same. Wasted energy, but at least i am paying attention to what I am feeling . . . and laughing at myself A LOT

    Monday, 25 June 2012 @ 10:01am

  26. 26: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    I don’t know if I can do this? My gut doesn’t want to let me move on?

    Monday, 25 June 2012 @ 10:06am

  27. 27: lkNo Gravatar says:

    ” Own it as your issue and let him know you pay attention to your gut feelings around these things while also acknowledging that you can’t control a man or want to dictate how he lives his life. Just that you know certain experiences you don’t want because it is too difficult for you to handle. ”

    FW, this is so good & peaceful…. words like a surfboard so you can ride your feelings & have fun with it. i love it !

    Monday, 25 June 2012 @ 10:18am

  28. 28: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    ***Here’s my answer:
    Jennifer, This was EXACTLY right – NO MISTAKE!!! -
    You must ALWAYS SPEAK THE TRUTH…That’s what keeps fear from taking over….and that’s where attraction can grow.
    Some men are simply not able to do real relationship. You know you attract these men and are attracted to them because of your history with Toxic Men.
    Circular Dating will smoke those guys out!
    He’s not backing away because you’re a free spirit…he’s backing away either because the attraction is not deepening for him, or because you’re not as EASY as he’d hoped, or because he’s a Toxic man and somewhere inside he KNOWS he can’t do this, or he just doesn’t ever WANT to do this, he’s just fighting his attraction to you. Or, he just wants sex.
    He may have felt the pressure from you after sex, and he may feel it from inside himself…but it makes no difference…
    Sex is meaningful to a woman, no matter how much of a rock star you aim to be…you can’t help but put out stronger vibes after sex – and if you don’t, you wouldn’t be authentic . That’s why sex should only happen when you know exactly what’s going on with you and you can speak it first.
    Let him back off, and if he shows up again, try not having sex. Just tell him that you could feel the pressure, and you’d rather wait and just have fun with him. From what you say about his coming over…sounds more like a booty call to me, too…let’s see what the other women on the blog can offer you…
    Love, Rori

    http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/category/targeting-mr-right/power-self-esteem/

    Monday, 25 June 2012 @ 10:22am

  29. 29: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    3. Keep YOURSELF open.

    You can either radiate a “I’m not available in any way” vibe, or you can radiate a “I’m not married- give it your best shot” vibe, or you can radiate a “I’m exclusively involved at the moment, and I plan to be married, yet I’m open to finding out who you are…” vibe.

    There’s all kinds of ways to be in this world – and closed down is my least favorite.

    There’s a big difference between having your vibe be completely open and available and actually GOING on a literal “date.”

    And there’s a big difference between having coffee at a coffee shop with a man who just came up to you out-of-the-blue, sat down and started a conversation, and letting him pick you up and take you to dinner.

    There’s a lot of gray area in there.

    4. Embrace the gray area.

    In your MIND – see what you can find in that gray area that would work for you.

    A gray area you can actually put into words, that you could actually share with the man you’re exclusive with. (so you can stop guessing.)

    A gray area you can be comfortable with – so that you are always living the Rori Raye Mantra last line – Trust Your Boundaries, Follow Your Feelings, Choose Your Words, and most important here…

    5. Be Surprised.

    Your willingness to be surprised, and to be curious about the world around you and the people in it – including men – can be HUGE. This is ALL Circular Dating

    Rori

    Monday, 25 June 2012 @ 10:27am

  30. 30: ReceivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    @31 (((Tam))) Thank you!

    Monday, 25 June 2012 @ 10:29am

  31. 31: ReceivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    @13 (((Tam))) Thank you!

    Monday, 25 June 2012 @ 10:30am

  32. 32: JillyNo Gravatar says:

    So…Rugby Man always (meaning he has not missed ONE day of texting good morning when he is away!) texts good morning since the first day we met…and I love and appreciate this :)

    but last night I woke up to this:

    I know it’s late baby, but I wanted to say goodnight and that I love you ;)

    awww…(((((rugby man)))

    yesterday I expressed that I felt hostage since my surgery and he said he would come save me ;) my HERO!!! :)

    Monday, 25 June 2012 @ 10:40am

  33. 33: ReceivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    @24 Emoticon

    You have a great week too! :)

    Monday, 25 June 2012 @ 10:47am

  34. 34: MelNo Gravatar says:

    FW,

    Interesting repost about the need to know.

    I had an experience recently, that strongly triggered some memories of stuff that was going on with my ex (dating sites). And I could feel myself have this intense desire to know and to investigate and sleuth and figure it out….

    And then I just STOPPED. And I asked myself… why do you want to know?

    Because I don’t want to be cheated on.

    So… even if you knew, could you change anything? Could you prevent it or change him or make sure it didn’t happen?

    No.

    So what does it matter then? You’re just going to make yourself crazy over something that you can’t even control anyways…

    And that made me think… whoa…

    And then I felt more rational and could just feel the intense fear and sink into it. And then Mr A noticed the change in my vibe and asked if he could do anything… and of course I had no reason to be afraid. Just old triggers.

    But it really made me think about how knowing is so overrated!

    Monday, 25 June 2012 @ 10:53am

  35. 35: ReceivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    @32 Awww Jilly…warm & fuzzy, so sweet! :)

    Monday, 25 June 2012 @ 10:53am

  36. 36: MelNo Gravatar says:

    Yay Jilly! Was that the 1st “love you”?

    Monday, 25 June 2012 @ 10:56am

  37. 37: JillyNo Gravatar says:

    (((receivinggirl)))) I loved hearing about your meal last night …yum!!!

    Mel…nope :) the first time was at the 3 month mark and we went camping with some friends and pulled me away to this cliff view at sunset and told me the first time…we say it quite frequently now

    but he doesn’t usually text good night or anything so last night felt special to me :)

    and I love when you post your triggers because I can usually relate…Mr. A sounds Amazing ;)

    Monday, 25 June 2012 @ 11:03am

  38. 38: JillyNo Gravatar says:

    Femininewoman…love post #29! :)

    Monday, 25 June 2012 @ 11:05am

  39. 39: ReceivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    @37 Thanks, Jilly. I just finished the salad for lunch. It was yummy!

    Monday, 25 June 2012 @ 11:07am

  40. 40: JillyNo Gravatar says:

    Starla…you can do this…you won’t abandon yourself..and I don’t think you ever did abandon yourself…but I do think you have a lot more awareness and stronger boundaries :)

    Monday, 25 June 2012 @ 11:08am

  41. 41: ReceivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    I’m feeling triggered every day at work. I’m starting to think I need a change.

    Monday, 25 June 2012 @ 11:10am

  42. 42: JillyNo Gravatar says:

    Something that REALLY helped with the Law of Attraction is hearing that we didn’t just come here for the relationship, we came here to WANT the relationship and that there is so much deliciousness in the WANTING, that it feels so good to want the amazing man…that manifesting it is great but the process of manifesting it, is juicy!!

    So then I started relishing the fact that I DID want the relationship and it felt GOOD and kinda magical to be in that space of wanting…

    Monday, 25 June 2012 @ 11:12am

  43. 43: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks, Jilly, I am having a rough one. I feel tears coming on.

    Monday, 25 June 2012 @ 11:13am

  44. 44: ReceivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    This is interesting. http://www.drfuhrman.com/faq/question.aspx?sid=21&qindex=0

    After I had HPV, high risk precancerous cells that needed to be removed by a cold knife cone biopsy, my gyne told me to take Folic Acid daily forever.

    Now, I read this and think I should stop.

    Monday, 25 June 2012 @ 11:17am

  45. 45: ReceivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    (((Starla)))

    Monday, 25 June 2012 @ 11:18am

  46. 46: sunflowerNo Gravatar says:

    I feel unsure and lost as I take small baby steps into speaking my truth,

    I feel mixed up, and sometimes use feeling messages but actually speak from my boy energy..leaning forward when I like a man, wanting to move things..to speed up communication just a little bit..

    I feel sure now it doesnot work..Mr X actually
    emailed and told me that my leaning forward were making him feel “clamped” because he was not yet on the same page, and did not know how to respond..

    I thanked him for sharing his feelings..
    and now silence. haven’t heard from him in nearly a week.
    Maybe he will write back, maybe he won’t….

    It stills feels weird to be rejected
    because deep dowm, I feel like a girl.
    And I feel a little bit embarassed at having leaned forward,
    and confused in figuring out feeling message,
    and I love me,
    and my embarrasement,
    and confusions,
    and the baby steps i take,
    and feel a giggle at how silly I can be, and then recover..and be girly and do nothing!

    Monday, 25 June 2012 @ 11:27am

  47. 47: EmoticonNo Gravatar says:

    RG what does it say, i didnt see anything when i clicked the link and the feel really interested in what u posted

    Monday, 25 June 2012 @ 11:30am

  48. 48: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    (((((((((((Starla)))))))))))))))

    Monday, 25 June 2012 @ 11:36am

  49. 49: CalypsoNo Gravatar says:

    Yesterday I said outloud (To GM – who was of course not there), “I can feel myself falling out of love with you. You are no good for me and I don’t care about you any more.” and then a big fat tear fell down my cheek and then I laughed.

    Monday, 25 June 2012 @ 11:36am

  50. 50: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    #42 Jilly

    I love to read your stories of you and Rugby Man. Can you please expand on this

    Monday, 25 June 2012 @ 11:38am

  51. 51: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    “And then I felt more rational and could just feel the intense fear and sink into it.”

    Thanks Mel. What I find difficult is sinking into the intense fear. I feel like running away. Then when I can’t I reach for food.

    Monday, 25 June 2012 @ 11:39am

  52. 52: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    WANTING the relationship.

    (Sorry I pressed enter before I had finished.)

    Monday, 25 June 2012 @ 11:40am

  53. 53: ReceivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    Emoticon it basically said Folic acid supplements can increase cancer risk & actually cause tumors to grow. It said it can cause problems with babies too. It says to get folate through green veggies & that is what helps decrease cancer risk.

    Monday, 25 June 2012 @ 11:40am

  54. 54: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    thank you for the hugs:)

    Monday, 25 June 2012 @ 11:53am

  55. 55: JillyNo Gravatar says:

    (((silver moonbeam))) I’ve missed you :)

    yes…so…we usually associate wanting with a “bad” feeling…a sense of lack…like I’m not happy now but if only I had _______ (insert: perfect body, more money, a great relationship), I would be so much happier.

    But we came here to WANT those things. It’s a good thing to want those things. If we come from a place of feeling ok (good) with the WANTING of it (even enjoying that feeling of wanting it), it takes on a whole different perspective and “vibe”.

    So instead of saying “Oh I don’t care, I give up, it’s never going to happen” and feeling despair…it’s more like “wow, these feelings of wanting something are really juicy and amazing and I came here to want these feelings”

    reminds me of riffing and loving our feelings…

    Monday, 25 June 2012 @ 12:19pm

  56. 56: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    (((((Daria))))))

    Monday, 25 June 2012 @ 12:19pm

  57. 57: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    “So instead of saying “Oh I don’t care, I give up, it’s never going to happen” and feeling despair…it’s more like “wow, these feelings of wanting something are really juicy and amazing and I came here to want these feelings””

    Nice.

    Monday, 25 June 2012 @ 12:21pm

  58. 58: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Receiving Girl it seems the problem is related to the supplementation. Dominique I know is an advocate of using food sources to get vitamins and minerals. This article suggests using food sources is the best option so I would look for a good organic source if I were you.

    Monday, 25 June 2012 @ 12:22pm

  59. 59: CalypsoNo Gravatar says:

    So – I just got another email from a new POF guy and so I logged on real quick to check him out and immediately saw that he is from the same small town where GM lives and my heart literally “kicked” . . .

    Now all I can think is, I wonder if they know each other . . . I wonder what GM would think if I dated someone he knows . . .

    Make it stop!!!

    Monday, 25 June 2012 @ 12:26pm

  60. 60: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    I just tried ““wow, these feelings of wanting something are really intense and I came here to want these feelings””. Then I was able to physically hug myself. It felt like acceptance to me as in just “there” rather than logical rationalizing.

    Monday, 25 June 2012 @ 12:30pm

  61. 61: ReceivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    FW – Yes. The thing that bothers me is we trust our doctors when they tell us to do something to help us, we assume they must know what they’re talking about, but do they? I feel like boycotting doctors.

    Monday, 25 June 2012 @ 12:36pm

  62. 62: JillyNo Gravatar says:

    yes!! that’s it! no logicalness about it :) that’s probably not a word ;)

    Monday, 25 June 2012 @ 12:38pm

  63. 63: ReceivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    I was just thinking I will probably see BoatGuy & MilitaryGuy at a party this Sat. That’ll be interesting. ShyGuy will also be there & hopefully Mr. Observant will feel up to it. Oh boy!

    Monday, 25 June 2012 @ 12:39pm

  64. 64: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Receiving Girl I don’t do that I question them sometimes to the point of them feeling annoyed with me. Plus I also do my own research and make some of the decisions. For instance most times I refuse to take antibiotics. I was recently prescribed oxycodone and I stopped taking them long before I was supposed to.

    Monday, 25 June 2012 @ 12:51pm

  65. 65: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    Yes Femininewoman, this is mostly true – #58. There are exceptions, for example if there are absorption difficulties (though this would include the supplement too).

    Herbal infusions are great for dietary supplementation i.e. get higher levels of nutrition, and these are food sources so safe AND very easy to digest and assimilate, reed clover, comfrey, oatstraw are my favorites. Other good ones are nettle and violet.

    As much as I like herbs and do sometimes suggest them taken in powdered form or capsule, they are medicines, and need to used with some knowledge if not caution.

    xxoo

    Monday, 25 June 2012 @ 12:54pm

  66. 66: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    I also don’t do routine mouth x-rays that dentists want to do twice per year and I don’t allow it on the kids either. I’ve not had any major health issues but my belief is that if I can trust them with my health I can trust myself too. Even if it is only to read and stay as informed as I possibly can.

    Monday, 25 June 2012 @ 12:54pm

  67. 67: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    I’ve been feeling so angry lately. It has been a long time since I have felt this angry. Every time a man looks at me, I seriously want to bite his head off. I feel angry at myself for every little perceived mistake I’ve ever made.

    For some reason I feel mad at my Dad. He is a good man, and so much better than so many men and dads out there, but I feel like, rage towards him.

    Like, why have I never been good enough for you? Good enough to spend time with? Good enough to have my health taken care of, by you, the primary breadwinner of the family? Why did you teach me to work to the point of exhaustion, have me save all that money, and then not teach me how to manage it?

    Why didn’t you emphazise the importance of academics, and then get mad at me when I didn’t live up to the expectations you had for me until it was too late to meet up to them?

    Why don’t you care enough about me to respect my deeply wounded feminine heart? Why do you get angry when I get sad and angry with you?

    I feel so broken, angry, guilty, and ungrateful.

    and so confused…

    Why do men STARE at me without approaching? What do you want me to do? If you don’t know me, you could at least be less creepy and smile!

    I feel so much anger…

    Monday, 25 June 2012 @ 12:55pm

  68. 68: boasgirlNo Gravatar says:

    Posted this on the last thread – will repost it here:

    Thank you @559 smile and @564Receiveing girl!

    Receiving girl, no, no phone numbers … but i have a feeling there could have been, if i would have stayed -i left with my friend, very suddenly, and we didn’t really get to know each other -

    i want to practice being open and receiving – it’s been so hard for me … because of past traumas. i usually freeze or flee … or become “agressive”, in the sense of trying to take control of the situation.

    Today a guy i met on the street stopped me and asked me if i wouldhave coffee with him. He was good looking, but obviously lonely and poor and maybe intoxicated by some substance. weird – but a nice person. we talked, and i just hugged him – he wanted my phone number, but i said no. He gave me his.

    feeling positive about change, good advice :)

    hugs to both of you

    Monday, 25 June 2012 @ 12:57pm

  69. 69: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    why are you JUST NOW working on your marriage with my mom? Why did you marry her? Why did you bother having girls, when clearly you wanted sons? what do you want from me?

    Why am I not good enough for you?

    If I was an illegal immigrant teenage boy, would you care more about me then?

    Why do you care so much about that type of person?

    Why am I not broken enough for you to love and invest in?

    Monday, 25 June 2012 @ 12:58pm

  70. 70: TamNo Gravatar says:

    RG, that sounds like some interesting party…oh dear!! Lots of practice…

    Seems my English guy has indeed poofed after staying at his female ‘friend’s’ place and her posting winks and kisses and how good it was to ‘have him back’. Guess poofing solves my dilemma in one way?!

    To be honest, maybe better… I still have my head full of Mr U, and better to clear one out first, eh?

    Monday, 25 June 2012 @ 12:58pm

  71. 71: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    Receiving Girl – Red clover infusion is particularly high in all the B vitamins which would include folic acid. You may want to try drinking it daily or alternate with one or ore of the other choices I listed.

    You make infusion by pouring about a quart of boiling water over a good sized handful of the herb. I use a coffee/tea press. Let steep eight hours or overnight.

    Strain (or press) and refrigerate. Drink within three days. I mix it with other teas, for example I will half fill a mug with infusion, add water, and put in another tea in bad or bulk.

    I don’t love the taste alone but mixed it’s good.

    I buy all my bulk herbs at Mountain Rose Herbs online.

    xxoo

    Monday, 25 June 2012 @ 1:01pm

  72. 72: JillyNo Gravatar says:

    So my friend is going through a pretty big break up with her boyfriend right now and they have lived together for about 5 years. They never got married because she didn’t want to do the “divorce” thing again and get lawyers involved.

    Well now, all of a sudden he wants to get the lawyers involved with the split and who gets what. She is committed to having her “dream break up” so she is saying “who knew that my dream break up would involve lawyers??” this totally changes her outlook from…NO, this isn’t supposed to happen like this…to openness and being surprised.

    I just love that!

    Monday, 25 June 2012 @ 1:03pm

  73. 73: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    I hate the way you talk to me like I’m stupid. So condescending. I have a college degree and you don’t. granted, I wouldn’t have it without you, but why do you think I’m so stupid?

    Like, why?

    Maybe I just need to feel shaky and cry. Maybe i don’t need to have a reason.

    I’m sorry I’m so freaking unstable. I’m sorry I’m not the perfect poster daughter who followed an exact life plan that you never bothered to explain to me.

    Monday, 25 June 2012 @ 1:03pm

  74. 74: JillyNo Gravatar says:

    RG…I can’t wait to hear about this party!!

    Monday, 25 June 2012 @ 1:06pm

  75. 75: boasgirlNo Gravatar says:

    and also, just want to say that the man who wrote this article seems way cool :)

    i might take his advice right now – i feel tight in my chest, tense between the shoulders, and like something wants to come out – like crying, but i don’t.

    ifeel tense in my back. maybe it is a roar that wants to come out –

    i feel like making love to a man -

    Monday, 25 June 2012 @ 1:06pm

  76. 76: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    why haven’t you ever protected me from anything or anyone? aren’t you supposed to protect me? I mean, it’s not like you abandoned me in the permanent sense. but I still feel abandoned.

    Why do you hate me?
    Why do you want to trade me in for a different model of daughter?
    Why did you never care about your other daughter?
    Don’t you see what happened because of that?

    But you can do no wrong…because you are there for everyone except your own family…

    Monday, 25 June 2012 @ 1:06pm

  77. 77: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    and I know I’m going to read this later and regret all of it. even though no one knows who I really am, it’s like somehow someone will still know.

    and I wonder how I’m going to feel when you die…

    and I wonder what God’s going to tell you when you get up there…

    Monday, 25 June 2012 @ 1:08pm

  78. 78: JillyNo Gravatar says:

    Femininewoman…I love hearing that you do that! Me too! and I don’t do the fluoride mouth wash at the dentist either that they charge like $50 for.

    And I stopped taking my RX as soon as I could.

    Monday, 25 June 2012 @ 1:08pm

  79. 79: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    and I had to hear “his” name again last night. and it still hurts, after four years, it still freaking hurts. Will it ever stop hurting?

    I want my life back.

    Monday, 25 June 2012 @ 1:09pm

  80. 80: boasgirlNo Gravatar says:

    (((Iamabutterfly)))

    Monday, 25 June 2012 @ 1:11pm

  81. 81: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    lama, it feels good to see you let it out.

    Monday, 25 June 2012 @ 1:18pm

  82. 82: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    all I ever wanted was your approval. I feel too dependent on you, financially, emotionally, intellectually, in every way.

    and I hate that I know that you did the very best you could.

    and I hate that I want kids and that I’ll mess up with them. just as much as if not worse than I’ve already been messed up.

    and I just want to be held.

    and told that it’s going to be okay. that my feelings and perceptions aren’t crazy. that my pain is real and understandable. and it’s okay to feel it. and it’s okay to have it, even though so many people have ti so much worse. and it’s okay to want so desperately to move past it and to never be affected by it again.

    I want to go home.
    I want to go to that home that I know somehow, but that I’ve never been to…

    the home I was made for…

    where is it?
    Take me there, please.

    God please, take me.

    Monday, 25 June 2012 @ 1:19pm

  83. 83: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    it feels so stinking good to ball my eyes out. why is it so wrong to ball your eyes out? why is it so wrong to feel in front of people that don’t know you very well?

    Monday, 25 June 2012 @ 1:21pm

  84. 84: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    I feel relaxed and energised after my swim! Exercise is really helping my mood. I’ve got bums and tums tomorrow after work and then spin on Wednesday. This body WILL get into ship shape!

    The library @ the gym was closed when I came out… I’m hoping tomorrow the law of attraction book will just be sitting right there on the shelf waiting for me.

    Monday, 25 June 2012 @ 1:22pm

  85. 85: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    Sending lots of positive vibes and hugs to all the sirens

    Monday, 25 June 2012 @ 1:23pm

  86. 86: TamNo Gravatar says:

    (((lama)))

    Monday, 25 June 2012 @ 1:25pm

  87. 87: boasgirlNo Gravatar says:

    Iamabutterfly, i can totally relate to this. Thank you for balling your eyes out!!!

    Monday, 25 June 2012 @ 1:27pm

  88. 88: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    thanks Boasgirl, Starla, and Tam! I feel so cathartically relieved…I feel emptied out…

    Monday, 25 June 2012 @ 1:27pm

  89. 89: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    @87boasgirl – thank you so much. I feel guilty because he is such a good man and has done so much for me. feels good to not feel like I’m crazy and ungrateful…

    Monday, 25 June 2012 @ 1:29pm

  90. 90: siren songNo Gravatar says:

    guy who loves me just emailed me a link to a new story on meditation with no text. just the link. i feel kind of sad. it seems so random.

    Monday, 25 June 2012 @ 2:27pm

  91. 91: Jessie1000No Gravatar says:

    Iamabutterfly

    I used to let men do things for me to pamper me because for some reason i wasnt doing them for myself.

    I used to let them commit to me

    Instead of committing to myself

    I used to let them marry me and love me instead of marrying myself and loving myself.

    I used to need them to hold me and make me happy, instead of holding myself and doing things that would make me happy.

    Then when they asked me for something, I couldnt say no because i was dependant on them.

    I changed. If they asked me to not hang with that girl cause shes no good. I said yes.

    If they asked me to cook and clean even while i was studying and taking care of my kids. I said yes.

    If they asked me to have sex. I said yes. Even when i was exhausted and didnt give a crap.

    Soon they loved me alot.

    But i didnt love me. How could they love me when I was not ever myself?

    I was their creation. And a very unhappy one.

    I had no self love. My thoughts were consumed with making sure this man was around to care for me, build me up and support me.

    Only I didnt know then that I could care for me, build myself up and support myself.

    I discovered that I liked to spend time with myself.

    That stopped me from needing them to spend time with me….our chronic fight–same with all my bfs.

    I shoulded them to death.

    You should make up your mind about me.

    You should need me.

    You should spend all your free time with me.

    You should buy me things.

    You should pay my bills.

    You should never be too busy for me.

    You should think that I am always your most important friend.

    Wow.

    Why would anyone like me?

    Now i light the candles for myself.

    Now I date myself. I ask myself questions. I get to know myself.

    I ask myself….How are you today? What do you need? Do you feel sick? Are you lonely? Do you just need a break?

    And I answer myself with compassion. Not with perfectionism.

    I answer myself with….I need some time to unwind.

    I need to sit down. I need to watch my favorite show and cuddle up with my kids.

    I need to buy groceries that I like too and spend time to make them special for MYSELF….not some dude im dating at the time.

    Imagine.

    I need to curl up with my favorite book. What is your favorite book? today Im not sure.

    I need to wash my hair and make it curly, not straighten it cause i like it this way, who cares what my bf thinks.

    LOL

    I need to forgive myself for my imperfections and commit myself to a true real relationship with myself First. Then i can love the hell out of everyone else.

    Kisses girls.
    j

    Monday, 25 June 2012 @ 2:45pm

  92. 92: CalypsoNo Gravatar says:

    Lama – I can totally feel your pain and understand where you are coming from. I felt a lot of those same emotions about my mother. She was an alchoholic my entire life and a terrible mother. She loved me, but in a sickening, needy way that made me hate her and any sign of affection from her. The sound of her voice used to make me cringe.

    I used to always wonder how terrible I would feel after she was dead if i did not learn how to deal with my feelings while she was alive.

    Now she is in a nursing home with advanced Alheizerms. I have grown so much as a person since this has happened to her. For a while she did not even know who i was, but she is stable enough now and her routine at the nursing home has helped a lot.

    I visit her every evening and take her out on wed nights and on Sunday mornings. I have a new understanding of my mother as a person – with all of her faults and issues of her own. She is like a child and always has been and i resented her so much, but I have found healing.

    I hope you will too! I never thought it would be possible, but we have a loving relationship now.

    Monday, 25 June 2012 @ 2:46pm

  93. 93: RebeccaNo Gravatar says:

    Lol, I am feeling down..

    Why can’t I be attracted to nice guys..? So many nice guys like me and I am not attracted to them… Sob…

    I’m feeling depressed. I can’t imagine my life changing and I feel like I’ve done soooo much work on myself.. Where am I going wrong?

    Monday, 25 June 2012 @ 2:47pm

  94. 94: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    I am reading online message board threads about people who got dumped in email. so class-less.

    I am now considering deleting CF and blocking him on facebook, and sending a note to his sister that i’m deleting her because it will help me move on if I don’t see her profile pop up on my friends list, since it reminds me of him. I might even add in that I feel ridiculous for even having to do that, but it’s been very hard to move on after getting dumped in an email and never getting to have a real conversation ever again. That I tried to move on without taking drastic measures, but it’s unfortunately proving necessary. And wish her and her whole family well. I spent a good amount of time with her mom and daughter, so it would feel nice to wish them well and explain myself, and not just “pull a CF” and disappear, lol.

    Monday, 25 June 2012 @ 3:03pm

  95. 95: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    The other option is to just stay off of facebook except for when I’m posting new translations for my website.

    Monday, 25 June 2012 @ 3:04pm

  96. 96: ReceivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    @FW 64 & 66

    The only medication I take is Plaquenil for my autoimmune. It took care of my skin rashes from the sun and my skin ulcers are less frequent. I don’t take antibiotics because I’ve always had problems with them. I also don’t take the anti-inflammatories because I don’t feel they do a good enough job. I don’t take anything for headaches either. I’ve started not taking cold remedies either. My dentist does x-rays 1x per year, but I don’t have teeth issues. Never had a cavity. I’ve been off birth control for 6 months and don’t plan on going back on that either. It messes up my body.

    I’ve been eating organic since October. I do tend to eat more fruit than veggies, so I’m going to switch that around. I was reading about Dr. Furhman’s Eat for Health and I’m going to stick to veggies, fruit, beans, quinoa, brown rice, flax seeds, and oils.

    I’ve also decided to start running after work. I think I will stop the folic acid and multi-vitamin. I’ll keep up the Vitamin D and Fish Oil. I’ll also keep with the oil pulling. Give this all a few months and see how I feel.

    I feel I need to come up with my own solutions because I don’t like these flares and I don’t want to spend $1500 on healthcare on top of my premiums every year. I could use that money for a lovely vacation! :)

    This was what I thought about all day at work today.

    Monday, 25 June 2012 @ 3:05pm

  97. 97: ReceivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    @71 Dominique

    Thank you! I will give this a try. Do you leave out while steeping or refrigerate?

    Monday, 25 June 2012 @ 3:09pm

  98. 98: RebeccaNo Gravatar says:

    Jessie1000 ~ what an amzing post (one above). Thanks! I’m going to cut out and kerp because i feel like it was written for me!!

    Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

    Monday, 25 June 2012 @ 3:14pm

  99. 99: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    argh, how annoying. everything has double intention to it. on one hand, it helps me move on. on the other hand, i secretly hope to get a response out of him for it.

    Monday, 25 June 2012 @ 3:17pm

  100. 100: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    hmm i believe i can let go of him and lose my longing for him without “doing” anything from this point on. Hmmm. I wonder how I’ll feel tomorrow?

    Monday, 25 June 2012 @ 3:29pm

  101. 101: LindaNo Gravatar says:

    Ladies and Gents (if they are watching)

    I came home today and felt angry. I felt sad early this morning. Tethered to the truth. THen later I am just mad. How dare a man who I broke it off with, beg to come back… leave 2 years later for the same reasons I broke it off in the first place. Rejection is rejection. No amount of love, support, understanding, space, giving, leaning back, mirroring, talking, listening made any difference.

    I thought I am not a reject! HE is. He is NO PRIZE. I am the prize. I have even said that to him and he said “I dont see it”. Ugh!

    So… I got online, opened up my profile again. There was a man who had viewed and I thought he looked fun. His name was Wisecracker4U…. so … I took a chance, (I never write men first).. I wrote to him the following: Hello, I thought I would seen you actually send you a note instead of just viewing you like you did me. You look fun!

    He responded right away. “I actually tried to email you… lol” so I wrote back. “Thats okay. I broke the email barrier first. and introduced myself”. I ended it with “tag you are it”…. and a smiley face.

    He wrote back right away “This is NOT A GAME TO ME.”

    WOW…. I could not believe what I read!! ” I sent a reply that said ” I was feeling light hearted. I did not mean to offend you, my appoligies. I hope you have a good evening.”

    I thought I would re-read what I wrote and he BLOCKED ME!!?? What did I do? Sure I leaned forward a bit but jeez that felt really harsh!

    I mean really his name was Wisecracker4U.

    I stuck my head out of the dust I feel buried in and got it shot at! sigh

    Linda

    Monday, 25 June 2012 @ 3:33pm

  102. 102: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    haha Linda, yikes. NEXT.

    Monday, 25 June 2012 @ 3:38pm

  103. 103: LindaNo Gravatar says:

    I dont understand men obviously. Not at all…

    One time my ex- was headed out to the library and a local ice cream parlor is right by there. I said, “hey honey, stop on your way back and pick up a dilly bar” that sounds so yummy, what do you think””……. he said “You want me to pay for a dilly bar for you, when I just gave you money for expenses”??!!!!….. I was shocked, got in my purse and tossed a $20 at him, “I said here that that $20 you gave me 2 weeks ago, I did not spend it”…. “I did not ask you for a diamond ring! I asked for a $1.39 ice cream bar”! … He said, “you could have a little compassion and stop asking for me to spend money. I told him to “keep his money, I did not want or need it”….. He got up and left…. a little bit later he came back with a whole box of dilly bars. I did not eat a single one!

    I felt attacked and disbelief!……. I did not expect such a thing to happen over a simple request. I would have never…..no ….. I should have not been treated that way! EVER.

    I am SUPER confused and just plain offened at this kind of crap!

    Linda

    Monday, 25 June 2012 @ 3:50pm

  104. 104: RebeccaNo Gravatar says:

    Linda ~ that sounds awful and sort of re-emphasises how I feel this evening about ‘men’..

    Sorry to sound so un-sireny but i am really so fed up with feeling dis-heartened by men in general. I don’t know why but I am always clashing with them.

    Everytime I seem to have an opinion they seem to step in with an ‘I know best’ attitude and talk to me like I am stupid. I am so sick of it – even so-called male ‘friends’.

    I feel like such a scape goat at times. They only treat me like this because they can. I just think its a confidence thing…

    Monday, 25 June 2012 @ 3:54pm

  105. 105: LindaNo Gravatar says:

    Really now… dont you think that a guy online with a name like Wisecracker4U would have a sense of humor? LOL Maybe he should rename himself

    “SERIOUS SAM” or “RED SNAPPER”… or maybe “NEGATIVE NED”…… oh now I am cracking myself up!

    Linda

    Monday, 25 June 2012 @ 3:58pm

  106. 106: LindaNo Gravatar says:

    Rebecca. Here is my famous quote. “People will treat you the way you let them”…. DONT let them

    Speak up for yourself. It may feel strange at first but you will get the hang of it. I promise.

    I started speaking up… I feels protective and like I value myself.

    (((rebecca))) and (((myself))) too

    You know what???… enough of old grumps and icky men online….
    It is a beautiful evening. I am going to get dressed and go to my favorite restaurant by the water and have a bite of dinner and a beer all by myself!

    Linda

    Monday, 25 June 2012 @ 4:08pm

  107. 107: YuliaNo Gravatar says:

    Dear Rori

    I met a man on Match.com and right after we started dating he had his first ‘attempt to ‘dump’ me, motivating with the fact that I DIDN’T CLOSE my match.com profile although HE DID. Long story short, i kept the match.com profile and he said it doesn’t matter anymore. We continued to progress into relationship, and we had ‘overwhelming sexual attraction’ to each other. He said he loves me, he also has small children and we seen each other only each second week. He is a very ego-driven, silent and diplomatic type, who accumulates thoughts and judgments about me (or a woman he is dating) and then, if something is not up to his standards, without telling the ‘true’ reason, he dumps us. After reading your material, i started to communicate to him and i said that i want to be married and i feel crazy about him.. He said he loves me BUT HE DOESN’T TRUST me because he can see that i am on match.com and he thinks i can dump him for somebody ‘better’ any time. I said I am crazy about him and I am ready to be married to him, but he ‘dumped’ me so many times that I just need the match. com in order to maintain some kind of ‘sensible’ state of mind and if he dumps me again – to be at least able to have some options. After that he just ‘dumped’ me again, no explanation. I feel ‘withdrawal’ symptoms, but also i have 3 questions to you, Rori, please help:
    1/ if he contacts me, shell i be an ‘invitation”?
    2/ i have an urge to contact him and ask to ‘talk’. Is that a right thing to do, because it feels like it will give me an ‘ease’…
    3/I have a lot of guys available to ‘circle’ date with me. Shell i talk to them about having this ‘post ‘trauma’ feelings after the break? i tried to have ‘sex’ with other man in order to get him out of my system, but it was rather a disaster…:)) nothing is comparable in my ill mind…:))..I often i cry and get sad in a presence of a new ‘guy’. Do i need to hide this or rather talk about it to my dates?

    Monday, 25 June 2012 @ 4:12pm

  108. 108: RebeccaNo Gravatar says:

    Linda ~ whenever I speak up for myself I fall out wirh people. I’m not sure why I just do.

    Like today I stood up for myself against a male friend of mine who was giving me some career advice. I pointed out something to him and I has to keep repeating myself until he took any notice of me. Basically I was going against what he was saying and unfortunately I am quite a rare species because I have the ability to ‘think’ for myself. I HATE when people offer me advice and they don’t like it when I don’t agree with them. Cus guess what i can think for myself and i am usualky right. But cus i am classed as a dizzy girlie no-one believes me. G’ssss why are people so judgemental – I am sick of it…

    I hate people that talk ‘down’ to me. I hate it, i hate it, i hate it…. Yaaaaahhhh why am i sooo angry…!!! I just want people to take me more seriously…. Why do i have to be a certain way for people to take me seriously.. Why do people have zero compassion unless they can slot you in a box. I don’t fit in a box. Yayyy… I am me… And just cus you don’t ‘get me’ i’m not gonna stop being me… Ha!

    Monday, 25 June 2012 @ 4:23pm

  109. 109: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    Receiving Girl – #97 You leave it out while steeping. All the ones I mentioned are so FULL of other vitamins and minerals. Comfrey is full of bone strengthening calcium and magnesium. If you want the list of nutrients found in the suggested ones, let me know.

    I have assimilation problems since I do not have a colon, and I have found the infusions to be my savior in terms of giving the nutrients I need which I don’t so easily get from foods, and pills just go right through though I question their efficacy in assimilation for anyone.

    Start more slowly, say 1/2 cup a day, and see how you feel. If all feels good, increase to 1 cup. It is recommended for a 125 lb person to drink 2 cups a day. Adjust to your weight.

    xxoo

    Monday, 25 June 2012 @ 4:28pm

  110. 110: ReceivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    Ok, I haven’t had time to catch up on the blog, but I am SOOO EXCITED!! Mr. Observant called and I’m going to see him tonight!! :) :) :)

    Monday, 25 June 2012 @ 4:29pm

  111. 111: ReceivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    @108 Thank you Dominique. I really appreciate all the tips!

    Monday, 25 June 2012 @ 5:00pm

  112. 112: Rori RayeNo Gravatar says:

    Yulia – it is absolutely impossible to be in a “real relationship” with someone you only see every 2 weeks. (Unless you’re long distance for serious reasons, and he’s making every effort to get to see you as often as he can.) If he calls again, say “I feel strong feelings for you, and yet seeing you every 2 weeks isn’t enough for me to be in an exclusive relationship with you. Would you like to negotiate what I would consider a real relationship and what you want, also? I’d be happy to get off online dating for you.” And see what he says. Also – you can Circular Date and still close down your online dating profile temporarily. That doesn’t mean you don’t talk with and flirt with and have coffee and walks with men you meet on the street, in classes, etc…it’s just not so “in your face” as being on match. Love, Rori

    Monday, 25 June 2012 @ 5:03pm

  113. 113: CalypsoNo Gravatar says:

    RL has been texting me every day that he misses me. He is staying away because I cancelled our plans for last weekend and told him I needed some “Me” time. This after he asked me if it was ok if he changed his FB relationship status and tagged me – which he asked via text . . . and I said it was too soon and we needed to talk about it, but we never talked about it!
    I drafted an entirely too long email to him last week that you Sirens correctly told me not to send, but how many times can you reply to “I miss you!” with a smiley face and get away with it?
    So – tonight I texted him back with, “I do not want to hurt your feelings. I am not emotionally ready to be in a relationship. There are a lot of things we should have discussed before becoming involved.”
    He replied with, “No problem” . . .
    He did not ask what all I should have discussed with him and I held back and just let it go at that. Not going to rip the band-aid off and try to put it back on again. I also refrained from blaming him, which I might have done in the past. I just found out he smokes pot every night . . . a real trigger from my past that I am not going to expose myself to again.
    NEXT!!! I really don’t feel like it, but I’m going to go check out my new POF emails. It’s times like this that I really just want to kick GM in the nuts!!!

    Monday, 25 June 2012 @ 5:48pm

  114. 114: Lily MedusaNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Receiving Girl,
    I’m sorry I missed your question about The Law of Attraction book I recommended. I was away from my laptop for the weekend. Looks like I missed out! I wonder if you found an answer on your own. In case you’re still looking, I was referring to the book The Law of Attraction by authors Esther and Jerry Hicks.

    I had gone to my local library to pick up a different book, and when I was searching for that other book I looked up and The Law Of Attraction was sitting on the shelf just above my eye level. Calling to me. I’m glad I picked it up and took it out of the library. That other book could wait.

    It works.

    Monday, 25 June 2012 @ 6:48pm

  115. 115: CalypsoNo Gravatar says:

    A little insight into the mind of a man . . . RL just unfriended me on FB . . . he obviously did not have any hesitation in making sure he did not see constant reminders of me on there!

    It is funny to me that he did not even ask what was going on – just accepted that i did not want a relationship and moved on that quick. It reminds me of a conversation we had on our first date – he has no contact with his kids – they got mad at him over something years ago and he just walked away . . .

    Monday, 25 June 2012 @ 7:11pm

  116. 116: LobbyStarNo Gravatar says:

    OMG. My latest CD and I spoke on the phone tonight for the first time. We are going to meet on Sunday evening. And I didn’t feel nervous when he called, and I don’t feel nervous about meeting him.

    After we got off the phone, he texted me: “Good night and sweetest dreams, until it be morrow… thy bird.”

    I feel so smiley.

    Monday, 25 June 2012 @ 7:13pm

  117. 117: EsteemedNo Gravatar says:

    Go Matt!

    I like it having men on here!

    Monday, 25 June 2012 @ 7:58pm

  118. 118: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Hi sirens. Feeling better today, and relieved that I didn’t constantly think about dreamy… Who isn’t so dreamy anymore, so now I’ll just call him S. I am going to change dramas name too. Focus on the positives right? I think I’ll call call him Mr. Conversation, because we have some very lengthy ones. We flirt, but are just friends now, no kissing… It’s really nice to have him as a cd, because I feel hurt about S, and don’t feel pressured at all to seem happy or up. I’m just me. We’ve said we’ll trade favors, help each other out: cooking lessons for yard work, babysitting etc. well, he needed a favor and asked if I could babysit his little one. I said sure, she’s sweet and girls kept her entertained. As I rocked her to sleep, I forgot all about men and relationships and drama… And just enjoyed this sweet baby girl and spending time with her. Our kids go to school together, could be friends a long time. For that reason, I’d hesitate to have a romance with him because my track record is just a few months. But tonight we sat on the couch and talked for hours, a boy was mean to my little one and she came in crying. He asked her all about it, if she wanted him to go beat up the kid… Just like her dad would have. Made me realize how much I really do want to share my daily life with someone, have nights like this. I wonder if having a guy best friend, just plautonic… If that would take some of the pressure off I feel to be married.

    Monday, 25 June 2012 @ 8:28pm

  119. 119: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    And I have been totally on with dating men I only saw every few weeks, mostly because they lived far. No more of that for me. Conversation lives 1.5 miles away, and S is 20 min. Way less complicated without the distance.

    Monday, 25 June 2012 @ 8:32pm

  120. 120: EsteemedNo Gravatar says:

    Feeling overwhelmed with my kitten situation. I think two of the three remaining kittens have feline parvo in the early stages. I don’t have the time, money, or energy to keep taking kittens to the vet every day. I already spent $550 this weekend, $500 of which was Care Credit that I still owe.

    Monday, 25 June 2012 @ 8:35pm

  121. 121: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    And thinking I’m going to unfriend C on Fb. He changed his relationship status already, she posts all over his page, hers isn’t private… He sent her flowers, he’s even friends with her mom who is posting on his page. Yikes! With most guys, that would be too much… But he Isn’t like most guys. He likes serious. He introduced me to his family right away. I’m sure she’ll be coming home with him next time. I don’t need the to ration to check up on them. Makes me feel kinda sick. He told me today that I’ll like her. Maybe I will, but don’t want to be buddies.

    Monday, 25 June 2012 @ 8:37pm

  122. 122: Jessie1000No Gravatar says:

    oh no esteemed! poor kitties

    I once had a kitten that didnt eat for like 3 days. I took her to the vet…she was so sick and only like 9 weeks old.

    I had no money so i scraped together my groc. money for the week and took her in.

    The vet looked her all over. Couldnt find anything wrong with her!! THe vet then said, the exam was like 70.00 and for another 50.oo he would euthanize her.

    I freaked out. I told him no and took her home.

    As soon as I got home then she ate her face off lol and lived to a ripe old age of 16…fat and sweet for her whole life. lol

    Im so sorry to hear that …do u have like a kijiji or craigs list? Maybe put the kittens on and ask if someone who loves cats would help you….tell them ur situation and that u dont want them to suffer

    Even call a vet and ask if they would take them off ur hands better than them suffering…they might at least test for u and then u could make a decision with sure results.

    Lets hope the universe has a benevolant rich person oout there who will give some love to ur babies lol

    Sorry to hear that honey

    Kisses

    Monday, 25 June 2012 @ 8:44pm

  123. 123: EsteemedNo Gravatar says:

    Turquoise,

    121, that must be so hard to deal with. I can’t imagine.

    Monday, 25 June 2012 @ 8:50pm

  124. 124: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    Wow Turquoise. I really missed a lot on the blog. #121 – when did this happen?

    Monday, 25 June 2012 @ 8:57pm

  125. 125: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    Yay RG! Hope you have a wonderful evening!

    Monday, 25 June 2012 @ 8:58pm

  126. 126: EsteemedNo Gravatar says:

    Jessie,,

    122 – Excellent Idea! I just posted on CL for advice or whatever.

    Monday, 25 June 2012 @ 9:00pm

  127. 127: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    Starla, you’re trying girl but you’re not THAT tough ;) it once took me 4 years to get over someone. Believe me, now I can really see the value of these 4 years to me. How could I be sooooooooo stupid LOL

    Monday, 25 June 2012 @ 9:00pm

  128. 128: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    I texted my guy and he got back with texts and calls immediately!! He is thinking about my birthday gift! And we will spend tomorrow together ;)

    Monday, 25 June 2012 @ 9:03pm

  129. 129: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    haha I just saw CF’s fb profile icon pop up on my friend’s module on facebook, and I surprisingly thought to myself “ughhhh GO AWAY!!” Now I am smiling because it felt liberating and like I won’t hopelessly be pining for him forever. Thank goodness!!

    Monday, 25 June 2012 @ 9:17pm

  130. 130: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    He emailed me Friday to let me know he’d recently met someone and started dating her. I don’t even think its been 2 weeks, but that’s his style… Move fast! I do want him to be happy though, and wished him the best. When he was here 2 times ago we got into a huge argument, full blown screaming at each other, because he thought the back yard should be neater… And it was honestly fine. That was all I needed to truly remember what life was like for us together. At that point, knew I needed to let that dream go.

    Monday, 25 June 2012 @ 9:25pm

  131. 131: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Esteemed, very sad about your kitties. I hope things get better soon!

    Happy birthday Memulo! :)

    Monday, 25 June 2012 @ 9:27pm

  132. 132: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    :) Starla, isn’t that a great feeling?

    Oh, and my trade for the babysitting, I get a back massage :) seeing him again tomorrow night! I don’t really have guy friends, so this is nice! I asked him why guys poof and he said because they really don’t want to have the conversation and have us go psycho. Apparently they really think we will go crazy. I remember reading that a man would rather walk on hot coals than tell you you aren’t the one for him. Hmmm cowards. Tomorrow I’m going to ask him why they come back.

    Monday, 25 June 2012 @ 9:34pm

  133. 133: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Wait… I left part out, he said something happens that feels off… So they pull back, and then poof rather than have the conversation.

    Monday, 25 June 2012 @ 9:41pm

  134. 134: LoveAlwaysNo Gravatar says:

    Happy Birthday Memulo!!!

    Monday, 25 June 2012 @ 9:50pm

  135. 135: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    I pity a poofer. I imagine that in 6 months CF will realize “ohh, actually, she never freaked out and was totally kind and respectful, even though i was a total d*ck about things”

    lololol. I am feeling much better tonight.

    Monday, 25 June 2012 @ 9:51pm

  136. 136: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    And it’s a great feeling to know that *I* never freaked out on him. My friends, guys and girls, are all in awe of how I never freaked on him, stayed kind and calm, and never begged either. They have all told me stories of how their exes all acted totally insane, or how THEY acted insane.

    I’m like, “please, I learned from Rori.”

    *smiling*

    Monday, 25 June 2012 @ 9:54pm

  137. 137: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    one last thing before i go to bed
    i totally found the car i want to buy. just need to take it to the mechanic for a check-out and then it’ll be mine:) it’s beautiful and luxurious and a great price. I can’t wait to pose with it for pictures:) I have a purse that matches it, haha.

    Monday, 25 June 2012 @ 10:04pm

  138. 138: TereanaNo Gravatar says:

    That’s weird. I just made a post, and it disappeared…hm…

    Well, ladies, I just had a huge roller coaster of a day.

    Remember last week, when I told you all that my friend “N” had “stepped up” and said that he wanted to be there with me after my big, scary doctor’s appointment? Well, it turns out it was all talk. None of it was real. Not one little bit. I told him how good I felt about it. In fact, maybe I told him a little too much. But the point is, he told me multiple times that he was going to be there. And today, when I waited 45 minutes, and he wasn’t there (1/2 an hour of that was the allowance for the time frame – he was coming from work on his lunch break), I called him. And he said hadn’t he told me that he couldn’t make it? Well, no, in fact, he hadn’t told me that.

    So there I was, alone, and in pain. Giving this guy the benefit of the doubt, and all he has for me is, “Sorry, I can’t get off work.”

    Okay, fine. But don’t tell me that you are going to do it and then not do it.

    And at the same time that I am having these anger-ish feelings, I feel that there is something else going on. In some way, I am not angry at all. It just IS. No amount of anger or upset, or anything on my part is going to make WHAT IS any little bit different. So I have no energy to waste.

    I feel betrayed.

    And then tonight, I called K, just to talk – I wanted a friendly ear to listen to me. (And I had some. Several friends called or contacted me to offer support.) But for some reason, I wanted to talk to K. Well, he said could he call me back later.

    Well, no surprise. He hasn’t called.

    It’s this expectation thing – dangit! The guy says, “I’ll do x.” Which is probably a polite way of saying that they have an intention, and in another way, maybe just a way of them saying what they think we want to hear. Which is often *exactly* what I want to hear. Although did I want to hear that K will call me back later? No, I wanted to talk to him right then. I feel a little disappointed that he’s not calling me. I feel a little bit of emptiness. But not a lot of surprise.

    I don’t like this lack of surprise. Why I am I so willing and able to be disappointed by men? Why is it that I get men regularly overpromising and underdelivering? Nobody likes that. If I am a “customer,” I don’t want the business that I go to to tell me they can do everything for me, and then not be able to do even the first thing. I’m never going to use that business again. But then again, I guess here I am, going back to the same business (K) that already told me that they couldn’t handle my needs and wouldn’t be able to deliver.

    I guess it’s kind of like self-torture in a way…

    maybe I should stop doing that. Only I wonder how?…lol

    On the plus side, I shared some of my travails on FB – in a rare “out” and “open” moment for me of baring my most personal truths. It’s been happening more, recently, and it doesn’t feel so bad. Actually, it feels kind of good! I got a lot of positive response from that. And also, I did a lot of nice things to take care of myself today. So, in all, I didn’t really “need” my so-called friend “N” to be there to take care of me. He wasn’t there to take care of me. I wish that he hadn’t promised that. But at least it helped get me through. And in the end, I feel stronger. He just is the way he is. And no amount of goodness on my part is going to change his stripes. I just know what works for me and what doesn’t. And even for a friendship, his behavior was far below my standard of excellence. And so he gets to be relegated to the status of minor acquaintance. But friend, he is not. I could give him “another chance.” But I know that he is a slick-talking man who is often able to “charm” people. Yet now I see below the surface of the charm, and see clearly that there is nothing there that is substantial to prop up that image – much as I am sure he believes that there is. I can see what substance looks like in a person. And it consists of Action, not verbiage.

    But I am deciding not to be “mad” at K. What’s to be mad about? How will that help anything?

    As “N” so aptly pointed out “lashing out” at him wasn’t helping. True that it wasn’t. But seriously. I was in physical pain at the time, I was hungry from waiting for him to take me to lunch, and on top of that, feeling betrayed. Any reasonable person would “lash out” in such a situation. Or perhaps not. In some ways, I wish I had just said, “OK” and just hung up the phone and walked away. I got a little too much into the “drama” for comfort. Meaning that it wasn’t comfortable FOR ME. And I could feel that my body wasn’t happy with it. It wasn’t sustaining, and it wasn’t helping ME in my condition. But I was mad at HIM to NOT HELPING me – only because I had an expectation of it. I wish that I could never have another expectation again, even if I guy told me something he would do.

    But that seems like such a tall order. I haven’t figured out the balance yet of “not having an expectation,” and being totally filled with doubt. There is an equation in my brain that those two things are equal. When I “don’t expect” someone to do something, what it essentially translates to is that I “expect” them NOT to do what they said. And what do I get? I get my expectation?

    If I knew how this worked, I would probably be a millionaire. I’d be a millionaire, because I would know how to “expect” a million dollars to fall into my lap in some “unexpected” way. Or I’d be a millionaire because I could patent my idea and sell it. If I could bottle it, it would be the most excellent perfume.

    But look at me. I am getting loopy, tired, and poetic. Maybe I should write more poetry.

    That might be nice, actually. Maybe I will.

    Art is always an option. Art never fails me. Art is always there for me. Maybe I have failed Art. maybe I have not shown up for Art. Maybe I have simply not been the Artist that I’ve always been meant to be. And maybe it’s not so simple. But maybe no one is able to show up for me, because they can’t see who it is that they are showing up *for*….hm. Pondering. The truth isn’t always comfortable. But sometimes that’s a sign that we are in exactly the right place….

    Good night, sirens. i hope this comment posts!

    Monday, 25 June 2012 @ 10:16pm

  139. 139: TereanaNo Gravatar says:

    Yay! It worked!

    One tiny addendum: funny how the guy in the article mentions picking up girls in grocery stores. From what I remember, Rori also talks about “attracting” men in grocery stores. Coincidence? hm…. ; )

    Though I must say, in a somewhat CD episode, pre-Rori, I met a guy in a grocery store, and it was a total disaster. But it was a learning experience! lol

    Monday, 25 June 2012 @ 10:35pm

  140. 140: ZaraNo Gravatar says:

    53: ReceivingGirl

    I have put here on several occasions links to videos that might help you, related to food. One of the videos was called “food for thoughts”. It is a conference by Vicky Newman.
    Another video I have put here and that I can think of, is from Dr Li, president of the angiogenesis foundation.
    The conclusion of both these approaches are the same conclusion as the french doctor David Servan-Schreiber who survived his brain cancer for 20 years.

    Bare with me I am going to fetch the links for you.

    Monday, 25 June 2012 @ 11:03pm

  141. 141: ZaraNo Gravatar says:

    ReceivingGirl

    “Food for thoughts” : that’s one of a serie of videos I had been putting on here last year.
    At the end of this video she explains why taking supplements and juices is not always a good idea and why it is better to take the active molecules in their natural state, which means by eating the whole food itself.
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CT1G5_GN15A&feature=BFa&list=UUOaegTYfii7Gl9ytqZa8i_Q&lf=plcp

    Monday, 25 June 2012 @ 11:05pm

  142. 142: ZaraNo Gravatar says:

    ReceivingGirl 

    “can we eat to starve cancer”. By Dr Li
    http://www.eattodefeat.org/pages/18/thinking-digital-2011.html

    Towards the end he also says that the molecules extracted from their natural container will not have as much effect compared to when you eat the whole food itself. The effect of a food also depends on how it is cooked and what with.

    On this site you will find a list of angio food and recipes.

    You might want to check his angiogenesis foundation site.

    Monday, 25 June 2012 @ 11:06pm

  143. 143: ZaraNo Gravatar says:

    ReceivingGirl

    David Servan Schreiber’s site is still up.
    http://www.anticancerbook.com/rules.html

    Monday, 25 June 2012 @ 11:07pm

  144. 144: ZaraNo Gravatar says:

    ReceivingGirl

    David’s conference “Natural Defenses in Preventing and Treating Cancer” where he tells his own story and his observations as a searcher.
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XaDt3AJQ98c&list=PL5C85905AC93984AA&index=5&feature=plpp_video

    Monday, 25 June 2012 @ 11:08pm

  145. 145: TamNo Gravatar says:

    ((((Tereana))))) I might be getting into trouble for saying this, but I believe when someone says they do something or promise then when that is broken, you are quite right to lash out and show your anger.
    That’s how I feel. These days I hold it in and think about what I want to say, but then it always either goes away or turns into a ‘that didn’t feel good’, when in fact it is just a mean and horrible thing to do.
    I am sorry you got stood up, especially since you weren’t well, total no-no.

    As for overpromising and underdelivering, I have noticed this also. I often think that either their mind changes or they forgot what they told us? Not sure.
    From the ‘I’ll be in touch every day’ to nothing for 2 1/2 days – to poof, that kind of stuff annoys me, but ok. I hear you, basically.
    Sending positive vibes for the new day!! :)

    Tuesday, 26 June 2012 @ 12:31am

  146. 146: boasgirlNo Gravatar says:

    Morning sirens,

    I have slept quite well last night, although i still feel worried and frustrated -

    maybe all this pain coming up is necessary – a part of the process of opening up all the parts of myself that I have shut down?

    it’s been like 19 months since I was with a man, and this was an imaginary relationship (with my Mr. Ex) that brought me to the worst place I’ve ever been – deep down in self-loathing and desperation, totally without borders, sleepless and utterly depressed.

    The last 1 1/2 years I’ve been recovering, to the point where I at the beginning of the summer i felt pretty strong –

    and then, what do i do? I go to him again!! how isit possible … just to ask for him, talk to his friends, but apart of me gets lost in this, my self-respect, my borders, my love and caring for me …

    and so the last few days have been hard. I want to change,i want to be open to other men, feel my feelings, experiment, grow, expand …

    and i feel so frustrated – like i need a man to touch me and hold me and hug me … but not just anyone -someone i feel connected to -

    so, morning thoughts – it feels good to write this – my own story, sort of, a small part of it.

    Tuesday, 26 June 2012 @ 12:42am

  147. 147: TamNo Gravatar says:

    (((((boasgirl))))

    Tuesday, 26 June 2012 @ 1:21am

  148. 148: EsteemedNo Gravatar says:

    Memulo,

    Happy Birthday!

    Starla,

    What matters is does the car match your boots? ;-)

    Tuesday, 26 June 2012 @ 1:25am

  149. 149: EsteemedNo Gravatar says:

    R is being a total sweetheart! I broke down the kitten situation to him, and how I’m worried about losing my job by taking the kittens to the vet during the day.

    He is going to borrow my car to take the kittens to the vet! He is going to drop me off and pick me up from work! It will be the first time I see him in 4 months! We have had only phone contact since February! I feel so thankful! He is being the hero I fell in love with over 3 years ago! He is being his true self, not the bad guy! I feel so joyful!

    Tuesday, 26 June 2012 @ 1:27am

  150. 150: RebeccaNo Gravatar says:

    Morning sirens ~

    Gosh, I seem to be good day bad day at the moment. Today I feel totally over welmed. So much to do and I’m feeling mega stressed!

    I didn’t sleep well last night. I woke up at 2.30am and felt stressed and hot and sweaty. I was not able to get back to sleep till about 4am. Now today I feel quite rough. When I wake up in the middle of the night I feel like I’m having a panic attack about being alone and everyone leaving me, the fact that I never see my family, the fact that I’ve never had a boyfriend. I feel like I can control so little in my life. I always feel like I will annoy people and they will leave me because that has been a pattern in my life. Especially when friends get partners I find our relationship always fades… Gosh, why do I find life such a struggle… I want to be like my mum who glides through life… I am like my dad, an obsessive compulsive I feel I cannot change..

    Tuesday, 26 June 2012 @ 1:27am

  151. 151: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you Turquoise, LoveAlways and Esteemed! Woke up in the middle of the night from being hungry and saw your birthday wishes;) Thank you!!!!

    Tuesday, 26 June 2012 @ 1:33am

  152. 152: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    Turquoise,

    Seriously, 2 weeks and her mom is on his fb page? I’d be careful to assume anything till he visits their backyard ;)

    Tuesday, 26 June 2012 @ 1:39am

  153. 153: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Happy birthday Memulo!!!

    Tuesday, 26 June 2012 @ 3:26am

  154. 154: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Englishman poofed on me…pfff. Poof, poof, poof. I just find that boring. Next!

    Tuesday, 26 June 2012 @ 3:46am

  155. 155: LindaNo Gravatar says:

    So I went to my favorite restauraunt by the water, ate my dinner. Watched a sunset.

    A man came up to me and started talking. Wow a CD out of the blue. He was too short for me only 5’6 but he was practice. We talked, I smiled, laughed. He was very forward but not in a creepy way.

    After the type of relationship I was in, I find that I am having receiving a compliment (internally I mean) He said you come here and eat alone and watch sun sets alone. I said, I enjoy it, setting by the water is theraputic for me . He said it is sad to watch a sunset alone. I said… no, what is sad is watching a sunset WITH someone and feeling alone.

    He kept sitting so close to me, put his arm around me etc, kept talking about kissing. I was not into that, I felt closed and could not genuinely receive. The good thing was I was not missing the ex (we used to go here together, but I always felt alone) I was not wishing I was with him and he was acting this way with me. SO in all I had a practice nite but was not prepared for it.

    The guy walked with me to my car, He wanted to kiss me, I offered a hug and told him I was not feeling comfortable with more than that. He accepted that and left. hmmmm

    I enjoyed my evening. He was really nice but his forwardness felt ungenuine to me. He was not creepy (actualy handsome)… but he was too close to me, he kept leaning forward…. I felt cornered and leaned back. If I had leaned back any further I would have fallen off the chair. LOL

    Linda

    Tuesday, 26 June 2012 @ 3:49am

  156. 156: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Good point Memulo :)

    Tuesday, 26 June 2012 @ 4:23am

  157. 157: GoldenflowerNo Gravatar says:

    155: Linda
    This sounds like great practice, welldone Linda. Maybe the fact that you were able to experience having the vibe of being absolutely fine alone, is one of the things that attracted the man to you. He certainly must have seen a challenge there. Its great that he leaned forward to you, perhaps an extreme example of how this dynamic should work. He wanted to give to you. The fact that you were unwilling to receive is fair enough, you weren’t expecting this encounter. Do you think you would see him again if he asked for a date? Or was he too forward in an offputting way.
    I had a similar experience once, except i was meeting a guy as a coffee date but he was way too forward and used my recent break up as a way to try and “look after” me in a really creepy way. His energy came off as desperate and needy. But it sounds that this guy wasnt creepy, but that something was not right for you in his demeanor.

    Tuesday, 26 June 2012 @ 4:35am

  158. 158: GoldenflowerNo Gravatar says:

    91: Jessie1000
    Thankyou for this post too. I relate to all of this. It has taken me years to realise how badly I have taken care of my own self esteem. I couldnt even see it until i came out of a nine year relationship two years ago, and had to be single again. I always thought my self esteem was ok, not too great but basically healthy. Man, was i wrong. Just learning now the actual ways to feed myself better, to take time for myself and stop focussing on the next romance, as a string of guys have some alarmingly similar qualities. Amazing how these patterns show up,, when i used to think i wasnt that picky about who i liked. I now see i seem to choose immature guys who either have some childish traits or depression. Good to see this pattern and be open to this changing as I change myself.

    Tuesday, 26 June 2012 @ 4:54am

  159. 159: FrancescaNo Gravatar says:

    Happy Birthday Memulo!

    Tuesday, 26 June 2012 @ 5:06am

  160. 160: LilibeeNo Gravatar says:

    Goodmorning sirens.

    I feel so sad and blah today :(
    My face feels heavy and droopy.

    I blocked my true feelings about something last week.
    Then when time came to get ready to go to a wedding with D, I procrastinated in getting ready.
    I felt resistence in getting ready, I felt unmotivated to go.
    Then I got angry at myself bc I wasn’t ready when the time came to leave.
    Then I felt stressed and impatient when I got there bc I had to take more time to get ready in a hurry.
    I ripped D’s head off bc he was too busy being the superstar and getting everyone’s attention to think of unlocking the trunk to help get my stuff to go continue getting ready so I wouldn’t be late.

    I was angry and wanted to hit him.
    It’s his personality.
    When he gets to family parties, he completely tosses me aside and forgets all about me. He gets all wrapped up in being the center of attention and completely forgets about me.
    That really triggers me.

    My vibes felt aweful. I felt tense, off, unattractive.

    His cousin introduces him to his new gf and he kisses her hand.
    His stayed next to them throughout the entire ceremony. His eyes stayed glued to her throughout the dinner, he was clingy with her and he was working to charm her.

    I got angry and told him off…further feeding my bad vibes.
    I felt so angry that I had the urge to beat him up and punch his face in.
    We spent the rest of the weekend with his extended family.
    I spent the whole time feeling those bad feelings.
    One minute wanting to bawl my eyes out, the next wanting to punch his face in.

    I kept a fake smile on and did my best to have conversations and have fun.
    I just wanted to get the heck out of there and get away from him.
    He drank too much and we ended up having to stay overnight.

    We both woke up early and headed to his place an hour drive away.
    I said nothing the whole way.
    He wanted me to stay with him to have breakfast.
    I said “No, I don’t feel like it. I don’t feel good in your presence right now and I need space.”

    I got in my car and went home.

    He called me back and he said he didn’t understand and he had no idea what he did.
    That made me feel even worse, more triggered and more angry.

    I decided to just stay away to sink into my feelings and cool down.

    I look back at what led to this and realize, that as soon as I started feeling disconnected with myself, this whole string of events started happening.
    I was feeling disconnected coz I was all in my head and created this whole “too busy to breath and stress” issue.
    I just couldn’t enjoy being happy, I felt scared so I ran away from my heart into my head.

    Tuesday, 26 June 2012 @ 5:12am

  161. 161: FrancescaNo Gravatar says:

    (((Lilibee)))

    Tuesday, 26 June 2012 @ 5:27am

  162. 162: FrancescaNo Gravatar says:

    Lilibee, have you tried figuring out why you felt so “off” that day?

    Something happened that made you react that way?

    Tuesday, 26 June 2012 @ 5:29am

  163. 163: ReceivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    Happy Birthday, Memulo!!

    Tuesday, 26 June 2012 @ 5:44am

  164. 164: LindaNo Gravatar says:

    156.. Goldenflower

    RIght now I do not feel that I want to see this man again. He was light hearted, energetic and funny. As I reflect on my encounter with him, I am concentrating on how I felt in his presense. I felt guarded and off balance with him. He asked for my number and I gave it to him. I can block it or ignore it if I need to.

    I know there are all kinds of men out there, but he seemed too eager, but he just could be really available. I have been around a man who pretentious and really unavailable in the way you need a man to be for a good relationship for so long that this guy felt “fake” in lots a ways to me.

    I am just trying to focus on how I feel and be connected with my feelings… right or wrong at this point.

    Linda

    Tuesday, 26 June 2012 @ 5:50am

  165. 165: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    (((Lilongwe))))

    Tuesday, 26 June 2012 @ 6:02am

  166. 166: LindaNo Gravatar says:

    I also feel sick at my stomach mildly when I think about it. If I sink into that I feel fear and deeper into that I do encouter the this entrenched thing inside saying… you know all you truely want is for him (my ex) to swoop back in, having missed me so much, he would step up and have the relationship we should have been able to have together.

    NOW that scares me! Why is that there after all the things he did and did n’t do.
    gulp!

    Linda

    Tuesday, 26 June 2012 @ 6:23am

  167. 167: GoldenflowerNo Gravatar says:

    164: Linda
    If your instincts and feelings told you something felt fake then it probably was. Complete respect for holding to your own bridge.
    I think it is a positive thing that you are definitely attracting people who want to give to you. I am stuck at this stage, I am very early into my process of CD and applying these tools. So i like hearing of stories where this can happen. I find i am a very male brained person, I am naturally very impulsive and action oriented. So the hardest work for me is to embrace my feminine side and let it show on the outside. I’v had a really hard time attracting guys in the past because I now realise I was always in some way chasing them to “make it happen”, total turn off to them no doubt. Which i also now see could be why i ended up with depressives or childish men who were in their “feminine”. Thank god for all this work and inspiring sirens to learn from, and of course thankyou to Rori.

    Tuesday, 26 June 2012 @ 6:23am

  168. 168: GoldenflowerNo Gravatar says:

    166: Linda says:
    I also feel sick at my stomach mildly when I think about it. If I sink into that I feel fear and deeper into that I do encouter the this entrenched thing inside saying… you know all you truely want is for him (my ex) to swoop back in, having missed me so much, he would step up and have the relationship we should have been able to have together.

    Hi Linda, this makes sense. Its good you know this is what you feel, that this is in there. This man you met has in some way help you learn this, like Rori says.
    I spent a very long time going out a lot last year whilst being completely in love with an unnavailable man. and that feeling of wishing either he would see me and get jealous and rescue me, or that i would compare the guy to him. I even stopped a one night thing with someone because of this.
    But can completely say i am over him now, this does not feature, I can clearly see why things didnt work out, and I think its a time and perpective thing. But also it helps me to slather myself in love for feelings of missing him or the dream of us (which was fake), I love myself for missing him, I love myself even when i am judging myself for mssing him.
    So ((((((Linda))))))

    Tuesday, 26 June 2012 @ 6:36am

  169. 169: ReceivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    Good Morning, Sirens!! :)

    I have to catch up on the blog and I won’t be able to do it today. It’s a busy day at work.

    Zara, thank you for all the info and I will read it better when I have time.

    So, last night was sooo nice. Mr. Observant hugged me for about 15 minutes straight when I first saw him. I think he was a little teary eyed too. He told me how thinking about me got him through the last 3 weeks.

    It took him a while to open up and talk. We just sat and talked for about 5 hours. We didn’t even realize that much time had passed. He kept leading for me to talk about me and then I ran out of things to talk about, so I said, “I feel like I’m doing all the talking, what about you?” And he said, “yea, I know. Ok, what do you want to know?”

    So, I started out with light things and then he went into it on his own. He talked about what was going on, but it seemed a little cryptic. I felt like he wasn’t sure what he was “allowed” to say. He kept saying they keep telling him he isn’t supposed to remember and the subconscious. I wonder if he was hypnotized or something?

    So, there is still some adjusting to be done. I don’t think he understands the whole thing either. He’s trying to figure it all out. It turned into a deep conversation.

    He’s a deep, thinking kind of guy. I like that about him. I think my abstract brain doesn’t freak him out like most guys. He enjoys hearing how I think. I don’t think he will ever tell me I overanalyze! :)

    I didn’t quite understand it all, but he was happy to have me listen to him. And, I was happy to listen. He thanked me many times for listening. He said it was nice to be able to talk to me about that. He was also happy to see me and touch me.

    He is so sweet, always thanking me, telling me I’m beautiful, I look nice, I smell nice, etc. I also met his mom briefly and she said, “You must be Receiving Girl”, so she knew about me.

    I stayed over and we just cuddled all night. It was really nice. We did a lot of kissing and hugging. :)

    Tuesday, 26 June 2012 @ 6:38am

  170. 170: AmyNo Gravatar says:

    Hi ladies,

    I don’t comment on here too often, but I read all your lovely comments almost everyday. You are always full of great advice and I was wondering if you could pass a little along to me…

    My boyfriend has been on my case lately. It seems more on the weekends then any other time. If I ask him a simple question you get this attitude like I am annoying him and is real short with me. Also if I say something that is wrong, he will put me down or make fun of it in a condescending way. For example, we went to a baseball game last night, I thought the other team had two homeruns in a row. Instead of simply saying, “Oh no babe, that ball was foul” or whatever. He says, “What?! What game are you watching?! Oh there was two homeruns..hmm..that is interesting, I didn’t watch the game..” And will go on and on and on about it until I get mad then he will turn it around and tell me that I cant take a joke. I can take a joke, but not when you are trying to make me feel bad (or at least it seems like that). I have told him it doesn’t feel good to hear that and I don’t want someone to be on my case about little things like that, but he keeps doing it. And like I said for some reason it seems to be on weekends… probably because that is when we see the most of each other (even though we live together).

    Anyways, my question, what type of feeling messages should I use the next time this happens?

    Thanks ladies :)

    Tuesday, 26 June 2012 @ 6:45am

  171. 171: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    @91 Jessie1000 & @ 92 Calypso – I feel such compassion towards both of you. You girls are so beautiful! I feel supported, and hope you both feel my support as well. I feel like squeezing both of you!!! (((((((Jessie1000)))))) and (((((((Calypso)))))))

    Feels so good to open up and heal together with other women, doesn’t it?

    I feel overwhelming love and forgiveness.

    Tuesday, 26 June 2012 @ 6:53am

  172. 172: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    I’m realizing why I might feel so angry towards Dad lately. I think it’s because he’s been changing in a GOOD WAY lately. Like, he’s really been working hard to show my mother love in her own love language, and it’s had an amazing effect on her.

    Maybe I feel angry because it’s happening NOW, instead of years ago when it would have had a larger positive impact on me. I feel selfish for saying that.

    and I feel humbled. Because I know that women are the emotional teachers to men.

    and Mom hasn’t been emotionally stable enough all these years to “teach” my Dad.

    But I’ve been talking to him about all of this stuff, and it is having a HUGE effect on him, and how he is approaching his marriage with my mom.

    Wow, I feel powerful! and I feel humbled! And I feel sad! and I feel so happy that change in a marriage is possible, even after over 30 years, and even from an outside “younger” force!

    I feel so relieved!
    and amazed at myself and the positive impact I can have on other people!

    and still, somewhere deep down, I feel guilty about feeling this good about myself!

    wow.
    all this learning feels so over-whelmingly good and scary and new and fresh!

    Tuesday, 26 June 2012 @ 7:00am

  173. 173: Jessie1000No Gravatar says:

    Emerson!
    Where are you?
    I miss u and ur lovely messages!
    I read everyone of them! come back!
    jessie
    kisses

    Tuesday, 26 June 2012 @ 7:02am

  174. 174: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    sometimes I feel as though all my “awareness” is detrimental to me. Because there is so much happening on the outer layers of these things, in the emotional and spiritual realms, without any physical, concrete things, actually happening.

    I feel as though I “over-function” in my emotional consciousness, when I don’t need to over-function, because men are SO not even close to where I am. So, I can just sink into my feelings, and meet them where they are, and pull them in by expressing my feelings. and teach them through my feelings…

    pondering all this feels so good…

    Tuesday, 26 June 2012 @ 7:07am

  175. 175: Jessie1000No Gravatar says:

    Hi Iamabutterfly!
    That name just sounds so friendly and peaceful!
    I hear u about parents trouble.
    My father was a minister of JW’s for 39 years and got caught front page of the newspaper with hookers lol

    My parents only split for 1 year and my mom took him back….I wanted to jump off a cliff….

    It was terrible.

    I am so spared by having no contact with them and their mess. They still fight and my dad treats my momma like a dog. My momma still lets him.

    Its awful.

    I used to think my life was terrible without parents for my kids but now, thanks to bryon katie….I think i ahve been spared
    not abandoned.

    I hope u can find ur peace.
    Kisses

    Tuesday, 26 June 2012 @ 7:08am

  176. 176: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Jessie1000 your story reminds me of a book I read. Something to the effect What Your Mother Couldn’t Tell You. The writer talks about women who endured marriages despite the knowledge that their men had mistresses. It talks about the stuffed down emotions of these women and the men why those types of things happened. Unhappy men wanting to do right by their families and women who never spoke up or told their truth.

    Tuesday, 26 June 2012 @ 7:15am

  177. 177: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Amy. Maybe “ouch that feels bad” and just drop the argument. Go to another room to take care of your feelings.

    Tuesday, 26 June 2012 @ 7:26am

  178. 178: CurvySiren10No Gravatar says:

    Hope you had a wonderful birthday Memulo! :)

    Tuesday, 26 June 2012 @ 7:26am

  179. 179: EmoticonNo Gravatar says:

    Happy Birthdat Memulo Sweetie!!!! Hope u have an awesome day. <3

    Tuesday, 26 June 2012 @ 7:29am

  180. 180: TamNo Gravatar says:

    RG – I feel so happy for you, reading your entry above about Mr Observant!! :)

    Tuesday, 26 June 2012 @ 7:30am

  181. 181: LindaNo Gravatar says:

    Goldenflower: Thanks for sharing.

    I can see all the reasons that this last relationship did not work. I know it would take an “act of God” for it to have, which in my case I believe in can happen. That is probably why I have encountered this deep seated feeling in me.

    Anyway, you wrote something about being male brained. I am too, very logical approach to life. This last man was depressive and focused on negatives… we had a conversation once about intmacy.. his energy was FEMINE, which was YUCK! to me. The few times we did have sex, he was all about me starting and leading. If he did, almost never about me and my pleasure it was about him and his.

    Dreams die hard I suppose. I have been thru this with this particular ex before. I he would break it off with me…then contact me back…. finally I got tired of it and told him I did not want him in my life. He came around again, with his notorious letter (which was a new tactic) and I caved. Even with that it has ended the same for the same reasons, only this time, I know what living with a man like this in my life daily was like. VERY UNSATISFYING. So, my feelings I encountered are a bit un nerving.

    THank you for your help and sharing !
    Linda

    Tuesday, 26 June 2012 @ 7:32am

  182. 182: EmoticonNo Gravatar says:

    Birthday* :)

    Tuesday, 26 June 2012 @ 7:32am

  183. 183: LindaNo Gravatar says:

    Until this gets settled and dismissed from my life… I dont want to be in a place where I find good men icky.

    Tuesday, 26 June 2012 @ 7:34am

  184. 184: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Lilibee this is key . “I look back at what led to this and realize, that as soon as I started feeling disconnected with myself, this whole string of events started happening.” I remember Gay Hendricks coaching a couple and advised the wife to go back and try to figure out when the disconnect began. Her emotions helped her re-live the moment and then talk about it with her partner then they were able to heal together.

    Tuesday, 26 June 2012 @ 7:42am

  185. 185: EmoticonNo Gravatar says:

    I have been leaning back EXTRA with a certain CD, and he was NOT contacting me, but yesterday I saw his new profile pic on FB and could not resist. It really made my heart skip a beat and i said that in a comment under his picture so he started talking to me under the picture. Then started texting me 2day.

    This is the first time in so long that he’s initiated conversation (which is y we never talk until i REALLY need help with something) So i guess my little indiscretion wasnt so bad after all. Now i can go back to leaning back.

    Tuesday, 26 June 2012 @ 7:44am

  186. 186: EmoticonNo Gravatar says:

    I just wanna send some love to all the sirens today!! I feel like i have a lot to go around this week. Ive just been feeling extra affectionate. So i want to share!!

    Tuesday, 26 June 2012 @ 7:45am

  187. 187: GoldenflowerNo Gravatar says:

    Hi sirens,
    Hope you’re all having a rewarding day.
    I heard back from tallguy after i replied to his fbk msg. He said he’s coming to the night I DJ at this week, I didnt actually invite him but I mentioned it in my msg, and I saw later that he’d already been invited by mutual friends. I want to decide how best to be when I see him, he still hasnt asked me out for a date. All he said at end of his msg was “until the next installment..” and put his name.
    So i guess I’m wondering how best to converse to see if he will ask for a date. I must look back over targetting mr right videos. Things to do tonight, check!! What vibe should I have, I really dont want to lean forward at all, but scared i might mess it up and seem cold instead. Unzip my heart, receive!!!
    Siren Advice welcome, as always. xx

    Tuesday, 26 June 2012 @ 7:48am

  188. 188: LilibeeNo Gravatar says:

    162:

    Yeah Francesca.

    I have finally had time to sit quiet by myself yesterday all day and think about it.

    I felt off bc I stuffed my feelings about something and it only snowballed from there.

    He had applied to get his work schedule changed to weekdays.
    His schedule has been weekdays for a month.
    His hockey team invited him to a golf tournament on a weekday and he had to miss it.
    He told me how he felt left out and bad that he had to work weekdays and have to miss out on their activities and playing hockey starting in September.
    The team has a huge project coming up in the fall and he doesn’t want to miss out.
    He can’t take working weeknights so he’s thinking of working the evening shift.
    This means no time for me except weekends.
    Which is fine, except he gets his son during every 2 weekends, and he told me about his plans to go to the bike festival in Florida for a week in October (without me).

    I began to see the pattern again of him wanting to enjoy his manhood and me being in the way of that.
    I told him how I felt about his trip, but when it came to his work schedule being wrapped around that same group of guys…I held back.

    After all, we do say to let them go and be free to do what they want.
    My 1st feeling was of panick and fear that things would start being the same as the past all over again.
    I held my feelings back.
    I did not step back, give myself space and time to sink into my feelings and express them.
    We were always in a rush.
    I created the rush to keep myself busy to sweep my feelings under the rug so I wouldn’t ruin the weekend.
    The opposite happened: My vibes were off with these unexpressed feelings lingering.
    I guess he really felt those bad vibes.
    I felt resentful and wanted to get away from him.
    I tried putting on a fake smile and act all happy.
    But my angry tension could be felt for sure.

    I told him on Saturday morning how I felt disconnected and tense from us constantly running to get ready to go somewhere.
    But that wasn’t the truth.
    I felt disconnected and tense bc I did everything to keep myself busy making excuses for having to run around busy, all to avoid my feelings.

    My feelings ended up snowballing and blowing up in my face.

    And now, how do I express my feelings without bringing up a long list?

    I feel more tense than ever this morning.
    My heart feels like a giant knot.
    My shoulders and arms feels tensed up and rigid.
    I feel like crying.

    He still wants to see me and go on like nothing’s wrong.
    I can’t stand how I felt and I refuse to sweep it under the rug and keep feeling this way.
    I hated the way he treated me.
    I feel mistrustful of him and his intentions towards our relationship.
    I don’t feel important… after all the efforts he put in to show me I was the love of his life the last couple of months, I am back to feeling unimportant and unappreciated.

    Tuesday, 26 June 2012 @ 7:59am

  189. 189: CurvySiren10No Gravatar says:

    Oops, sorry…Memulo. today is your birthday…so HAVE a happy one, not past tense! lol xoxo

    Tuesday, 26 June 2012 @ 8:02am

  190. 190: LilibeeNo Gravatar says:

    184:

    Thank You FW.

    You posted that right at the moment I was ready to receive it.

    As you can see in my post #188, I figured it out.
    Allthough I feel miserable, I can pat myself on the back for having seen it so soon.
    It used to take me months to figure out my feelings and really see myself.

    Tuesday, 26 June 2012 @ 8:03am

  191. 191: MelNo Gravatar says:

    Amy,

    I like FW’s suggestion… “Ouch, that feels bad.” Or just “Ouch.”

    It sounds like he’s maybe teasing you… treating you like he would a buddy. Guys like to tease each other.

    Perhaps embracing more of your feminine side in general will help him to learn how you want to be treated.

    Use feeling messages all the time. Start using them with lots of positive things at first.

    -that feels so good
    -the sunshine feels so lovely, like a warm kiss on my cheek
    -I felt so moved by______ (a movie, a song, etc.)
    -I feel safe and protected
    -I feel content
    -I feel amused

    Then… start using them for things that aren’t so good… but not necessarily about him. Try to describe the physical feelings you feel

    -I feel nervous butterflies
    -I felt so hot and pink and embarrassed when…
    -My stomach feels queezy
    -I feel heavy and lethargic today
    -I feel tight and tense in my shoulders
    -I feel wilted and droopy

    Everything’s about how YOU feel. Everything. He will start to get used to hearing you speak this way. He will start to “get” that you, as a lovely woman are a “feeling-y” type creature. That you are not one of his buddies. That you feel things intensely.

    Then, when something happens (like in your baseball example), when you reply “Oh… ouch. I feel really small right now. I like to feel tall and delicate and graceful like a flower, even if I don’t always say the right thing. I’m just a girl and I feel so sensitive sometimes, and I don’t want to feel trampled. So I’m going to _____ (go for a walk, take a bath, call my mom, go out for coffee, etc.) to recharge again.”

    Eventually, he will learn how you wish to be treated as a siren. And if he can’t treat you in a way that feels good, then you learn to move on to the next man who not only CAN, but wants to.

    xoxo

    Tuesday, 26 June 2012 @ 8:04am

  192. 192: FrancescaNo Gravatar says:

    Lilibee @188

    “And now, how do I express my feelings without bringing up a long list?”

    Maybe start with the ONE thing that you don’t feel good about?

    Then move on from there.

    Tuesday, 26 June 2012 @ 8:16am

  193. 193: GoldenflowerNo Gravatar says:

    183: Linda
    No problem, thankyou for sharing. I doubt I can tell you anything you dont already know. but I think it can help when someone not in the situation can see another approach. That really helps me from this blog, anyway. It sounds like you are not considering CD at the moment, have you made that decision or do you feel a time frame may help. Speaking again from my own experience, I understand what it is like to have complete faith that a person is the one for you. Or to keep going back to the same person in your heart. I hope it does help you to hear that I firmly beleive you can let go of him in your heart as well as your mind, it can and will happen at some point. I knew a male friend for 8 years and felt waves of extreme attraction to him over that 8 years, but I was in a serious relationship all of that time. So when i became single I fell for him so hard, it was pure love and I formed the false belief he was a soulmate and we were meant. I have never experienced such a torturous thing in my life, and never will again. After a year of him toying with me, I finally cut him off. nothing can ever feel so bad again, as wanting what i couldnt have. The releif of not seeing, thinking about, hoping for him in any way …has been immense and even saved my life. I realised that it was all about self punishment, as well as him feeding off the situation for his ego. I cut him off a year ago, and haven’t looked back. I dont miss him, I see what he did which fell very short of all that I deserve and fell short of true happiness. This is my bridge, true happiness, be that alone or sharing with someone.
    Thankyou for reading. Linda , I know this is a very different situation, but you will let go at some point, and the pain will be gone. I know because if i can do it , anyone can do it.
    I do think CD is a great help, to get you moving your energies, changing the focus onto new things. WEven if these new men are not up to scratch either, or make you feel icky. If you feel icky enough you will work through why and move on from that feeling. I think this is what Rori suggests?? Other sirens with more expertise can support this. I just think that the more I thought about getting well and that I cant see new people till I’m over him, the longer it actually took to move on. Getting out there and doing the dating helped shift me to new experiences and then i just didnt have the time or inclination to focus on him. Hope this makes sense,
    thankyou for reading, xx

    Tuesday, 26 June 2012 @ 8:17am

  194. 194: MelNo Gravatar says:

    ((((Lilybee))))

    Something like this…???

    “Sweetie, I feel a little bit greedy. I feel a little bit demanding even. And I feel a bit nervous to share this with you because I don’t want to be perceived that way. But the truth is, quality time feels so important to me and I started to feel a little afraid last week when I learned our schedules might be out-of-sinc again. I feel so wonderful spending time with you, and I feel concerned that that time might end.

    I know work is important to you and being active and part of a team makes you feel happy. And I don’t want to hold you back. But I don’t want to feel like our time together is scarce either.

    What do you think?”

    Tuesday, 26 June 2012 @ 8:30am

  195. 195: lkNo Gravatar says:

    arrgh sometimes i feel so angry with myself & i take total pleasure in feeling compassion for myself, i love to ask myself for gentleness… & why are you angry dear? for thinking evil thoughts of others! you see, it’s all just an exercise in disciplined love. i’m practicing, so i must be improving : )))

    Tuesday, 26 June 2012 @ 8:45am

  196. 196: SunshineNo Gravatar says:

    LINDA, Hi I was reading your post about the online conversation you had with that guy…I feel a little hesitant but also mostly compelled to tell you what I think about this. I have experimented with leaning back and also initiating a bit on match.com. It could just be my experience but its almost a textbook example of how leaning forward at all, even casually ( example, writing first, etc.) just does not work. Every single time i initiate the conversation just fades sooner or later. When I lean back and it takes a lot of patience at times, it works. Sometimes it works so well, I feel bored of how easy I attract and that feels weird sometimes if Im not fully into the guy which is something Im working on. If even just to experiment I wouldnt even wink first and when they do email reply kindly and one question back. This is how Im going about it and seems to work alot better than before for me what do you think?

    Tuesday, 26 June 2012 @ 8:55am

  197. 197: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Lilibee this “I hated the way he treated me.
    I feel mistrustful of him and his intentions towards our relationship.
    I don’t feel important… after all the efforts he put in to show me I was the love of his life the last couple of months, I am back to feeling unimportant and unappreciated.”

    feels a bit judgemental and controlling to me and maybe focussed on his behavior though it is your issue. When I initially read the comments it seemed jealous and competitive of the other women he was showing attention. It seemed to me that some of what is needed her to facing oneself and building sone kind of emotional maturity/fitness. Dominique seem to have good advice around these things. I am not convinced about Mel’s message though it is a very good feeling message. I sense you feeling pouty and that you should own that.

    Tuesday, 26 June 2012 @ 8:55am

  198. 198: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    (((((((((@175 Jessie1000))))))))))

    Tuesday, 26 June 2012 @ 9:10am

  199. 199: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    I just noticed something. “I feel…what do you think?

    The feminine feels, the masculine thinks. So, when we are talking to fellow sirens, might it be more appropriate to say “I feel…how do you feel about this?”

    However, guys often ask us what we “think” about things, so it’s probably good practice to see “think” and to switch it into feminine “I feel…” mode…

    Tuesday, 26 June 2012 @ 9:16am

  200. 200: LilibeeNo Gravatar says:

    194:

    Mel,

    That is dead on!

    I blocked those feelings for a few days, and it snowballed into a big mess during the weekend surrounded by people for 2 whole days, giving no opportunity for anything except building more tension and resentment.

    I wish I would have taken the time before the weekend to sink into my feelings and express them.
    We would have had better vibes between us and a better chance at having a good time. Things may not have degraded the way they did.

    I don’t think he would have acted the way he did over the weekend if I would have dealt with my feeklings when it was time.
    It only fed more bad feelings and more bad vibes.
    I’m sure he sensed those.

    I will give myself a little time to cool off a bit and recenter before I bring it up.

    Your FM describes it exactly. Thanks Mel :)

    Tuesday, 26 June 2012 @ 9:28am

  201. 201: LilibeeNo Gravatar says:

    196:

    FW,

    Of course I felt jealous and competitive.
    I felt totally dismissed upon arrival.
    He kissed her hand when his cousin introduced them, and he kept clinging around staring at her all evening.

    That made me feel like I’m not enough if he still feels the need to charm another woman.

    The man of my life will not feel the urge to charm another woman bc he will feel fullfilled with the one he’s got and he cherishes her.
    I’m the one that he will want to charm and he will have eyes only for me.

    I want to feel cherished and adored that way, and I am worthy of it.

    Tuesday, 26 June 2012 @ 9:36am

  202. 202: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Lilibee your experience has jogged some memory around Dr. Paul’s teaching. I am guessing that D could be a magician, in terms of Dr. Paul’s personality style. He might like a lot of attention, liking being on stage or having the spotlight on him, maybe partially a reason why he plays hockey?

    Him tossing you aside is just your “story” about him wanting the spotlight and being the center of attention. Wanting to be center stage is very magician like, is what I think. Dr. Paul encourages women to find a way to applaud a guy to see how he reacts when you suspect he is a magician and find ways to be his cheerleader.

    Also he talks abount boundaries with in-dependence and inter-dependence. With good boundaries he says that people go in and out of both to share intimacy. Maybe this is the time to use some of Rori’s tools such as All That and imagine women coming at him from all angles but that he is focussed on you.

    I am thinking if talking about it you could let him know maybe something shifted inside you and you realize that you felt lonely or disconnected when he was with the family. That you felt lonely and said and that you now realize that quality time even in the crowd means a lot to you without giving him directions. I am thinking of a couple that the husband is always touching his wife even when he is in the midst of a crowd talking. As long as she is close to him. This is something that maybe you could experiment with.

    I suspect that this is something about yourself you are now becoming aware of and it needs to be worked through a bit on your part first.

    Tuesday, 26 June 2012 @ 9:40am

  203. 203: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    I almost texted CF that the silent treatment honestly has made it hard to make any sense of things and move on in a healthy way, so I’m still having a hard time believing that he’s just a cruel a-hole like that. So if he ever wants to talk, the door is open and he has nothing to be scared of, but I just want him to be happy. Take care.

    But then I stopped myself. it occurred to me that this text could get him back in touch with me and even back in love with me, and I don’t want this man. I want an improved version of him, that has been to counseling and doesn’t carry so many obstructive issues. I can’t fix him. No one can but himself.

    Tuesday, 26 June 2012 @ 9:49am

  204. 204: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Lilybee:
    ‘The man of my life will not feel the urge to charm another woman bc he will feel fullfilled with the one he’s got and he cherishes her.
    I’m the one that he will want to charm and he will have eyes only for me’

    that sooooo resonates with me. I do not feel like I could possibly put up with anything less, however, I just haven’t had that in such a looooooong time, it almost seems like a distant memory :(

    Tuesday, 26 June 2012 @ 9:52am

  205. 205: siren songNo Gravatar says:

    Lilbee,

    I agree with FW. D does sound like a magician. All my exes have been magicians or warriors and i didn’t understand how i could support their masculinity as a lover/queen. guy who loves me is definitely a magician. i used to feel really weird in public with him because he was all of a sudden an attention seeker. but i think in the end that we were a good match because i am complimentary to his type, even though it didn’t work out in the end.

    dr paul’s stuff is really great!

    Tuesday, 26 June 2012 @ 10:08am

  206. 206: EmoticonNo Gravatar says:

    FW, I too have been categorized as a “magician” and yes I love attention and will take it from whoever is giving.

    I like to flirt around even when im at a party with a CD, i even flirt a little with his friends. And I dont mind him flirting with other people, it actually makes me feel good to know that all these girls would entertain him but he’s with me. And at the end of the night im kinda proud n happy to be leaving with him and i can imagine he feels the same when all his friends are O.O mesmerized my HIS girl lol

    Tuesday, 26 June 2012 @ 10:10am

  207. 207: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Lilibee please wait for Dominique’s input.

    Tuesday, 26 June 2012 @ 10:14am

  208. 208: LilibeeNo Gravatar says:

    201:

    FW,

    That is so comforting to read.

    D does crave the spotlight.
    I do applaud him and support him in that.
    I laugh at his jokes, smiled and applauded when he danced center stage with his sister.

    Allthough I do feel sad that I would want to be the one center stage with him, I ‘get’ that it’s my stuff and he’s been dancing with her since childhood.
    He tries with me, but we haven’t been at it long enough to put on a show as he likes.

    I feel so thrilled to see him happy at hockey.
    I get triggered when there’s no quality time left for me, especially him not expressing any desire to have that quality time.
    I get triggered when he plays rockstar to prove that he can get all the girls, even when they are with his cousin or married.
    That part of his magician personality feels YUK!

    I question if that is really good for me.
    I want the spotlight on me too.
    I want to shine too.
    I want to expand in this relationship too.

    Tuesday, 26 June 2012 @ 10:16am

  209. 209: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    “The man of my life will not feel the urge to charm another woman bc he will feel fullfilled with the one he’s got and he cherishes her”

    I feel tightened up reading this. It bodes of setting up oneself for failure. How do I know what another human being will feel the urge to do? Are we saying that just because a man is with a woman he does not have fantasies? Is that true?

    Tuesday, 26 June 2012 @ 10:17am

  210. 210: LilibeeNo Gravatar says:

    206:

    Where is Dominique? :’(

    Tuesday, 26 June 2012 @ 10:21am

  211. 211: LilibeeNo Gravatar says:

    Where can I see some of this Dr Paul stuff?

    I’ve never heard of him before.

    Tuesday, 26 June 2012 @ 10:22am

  212. 212: FrancescaNo Gravatar says:

    Didn’t Dominique once said that guys flirting with other women was a good thing for us?

    That they actually needed to do that for some reason that eludes me now…

    Tuesday, 26 June 2012 @ 10:23am

  213. 213: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    “I want to expand in this relationship too.”

    Rori talks about being in an expanding relationship and helping each other grow. It needs to be discussed and worked out to see if he wants the same thing.

    Tuesday, 26 June 2012 @ 10:24am

  214. 214: FrancescaNo Gravatar says:

    Dr. Paul is here.

    She’s a woman, btw.

    http://www.innerbonding.com/

    Tuesday, 26 June 2012 @ 10:25am

  215. 215: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Yes Francesca. That is the reason I believe she would be able to help.

    Tuesday, 26 June 2012 @ 10:25am

  216. 216: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    It is Dr. Paul Dobransky that I refer to not Margaret Paul.

    Tuesday, 26 June 2012 @ 10:26am

  217. 217: EmoticonNo Gravatar says:

    Francesca I never heard that from Dominique, but if she did say that I feel totally in agreement with her. As long as I am getting some attention too, I like when my man flirts with other women also, especially if he is okay with me flirting with other guys.

    Tuesday, 26 June 2012 @ 10:26am

  218. 218: LilibeeNo Gravatar says:

    208:

    yeah, men will have fantasies. But why would he feel compelled to try to win another woman’s affection? Especially when she’s his cousin’s gf?…and I’m supposedly the love of his life (as he put it).

    I think I may have been too easy? I haven’t been a challenge? He’s won me over, is now bored and needs a challenge?

    Tuesday, 26 June 2012 @ 10:27am

  219. 219: FrancescaNo Gravatar says:

    Ah, oops, FW! :/

    Sorry I intruded.

    Tuesday, 26 June 2012 @ 10:27am

  220. 220: LilibeeNo Gravatar says:

    211:

    Francesca:

    Ooohhh yeaahhh. I vaguely remember reading that somewhere.
    I don’t remember the rest either.

    Tuesday, 26 June 2012 @ 10:29am

  221. 221: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Dr. Paul

    http://www.womenshappiness.com/questions-and-answers/nice-guy-syndrome?utm_source=getresponse&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=womenshappiness&utm_content=Q+and+A+%7C+%22Nice+Guy+Syndrome%22

    Tuesday, 26 June 2012 @ 10:30am

  222. 222: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Look for a post from Dominique and click on her name. It takes you to her website where she writes articles.

    Tuesday, 26 June 2012 @ 10:32am

  223. 223: FrancescaNo Gravatar says:

    http://sexandheart.com/hot-women-are-everywhere-does-this-stress-you-out

    Tuesday, 26 June 2012 @ 10:32am

  224. 224: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    I even posted recently Rori advising a woman who was asking about other women coming up to her man in front of her. Rori advised the woman to lean back in her energy but put her hand in the crook of the man’s hand or in his back pocket.

    Tuesday, 26 June 2012 @ 10:34am

  225. 225: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    I even posted recently Rori advising a woman who was asking about other women coming up to her man in front of her. Rori advised the woman to lean back in her energy but put her hand in the crook of the man’s hand or in his back pocket to vote for herself and help her man feel her confident energy.

    Tuesday, 26 June 2012 @ 10:34am

  226. 226: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Lilibee you don’t know for sure that he felt compelled to do anything.

    Here is what I refered to from Rori

    “my boyfriend and I live together and have been for 1 year. we have known each other for 11/2 years. he is really cute blond, blue eyes. he has never been married, and is in hie 50′s, still good looking. my question is, women seemed to try to flirt with him when I am right there with him. giving them their home phone numbers and e/mail adresses when we are at like insurance business places. I reported one already to the big rig if that was right, and was told no. how can I stop this?

    2. debbie, you can’t stop it. Here’s what you do. 1. Get a big sense of humor, so when this happens, you instinctively smile at your man, lean back, and feel sexy. 2. Get in touch with your jealousy and anger, and let it further enhance your vibe by not trying to sit on it. You don’t have to speak it. Women who come up to him and give him their numbers are not going to get anywhere with him – especially not as you’re standing there, your hand gently in the crook of his arm or in his back pocket while you’re leaning back, being totally serene and confident. Stay close to him so he can feel your energy, but lean back. Once you do this, you’ll see he’ll be even more turned on to you. It’s like the estrogen from the other women just gets transferred to you – it’s a good thing. Thank these women (not directly and verbally – but with your mind and body language) for increasing his love for you. Love, Rori”

    Tuesday, 26 June 2012 @ 10:43am

  227. 227: FrancescaNo Gravatar says:

    That’s the one I was looking for!

    http://sexandheart.com/other-women-other-men

    Tuesday, 26 June 2012 @ 10:44am

  228. 228: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Not need for apology Francesca.

    Tuesday, 26 June 2012 @ 10:46am

  229. 229: LilibeeNo Gravatar says:

    224:

    Good tool to know.

    But in this case, she didn’t come up to him.
    She was obviously in love with his cousin.
    They both kept telling everyone that they were celebrating their 6 month anniversary, and they never left each other all evening.

    It was all D leaning forward.
    A man competitive thing maybe?

    I know we are not supposed to analyse and be in a man’s head. But I have to admit that it does provide some comfort in helping me see how it is MY STUFF triggering me and he may not be doing it personally towards me.

    I do feel more relaxed.
    I don’t feel my heart in a knot anymore.

    Tuesday, 26 June 2012 @ 10:49am

  230. 230: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    “Every time a man sees another woman who he finds attractive in some way, be it her entire being or just her smile or something else, he may get a little erotic buzz, or he may just get a hint of something that builds slowly or quickly sometimes within him. Think of it as a vial of hormonal juices. Each time he feels that little turn on, the vial fills up bit by bit by bit. The more the vial fills the more he will be thinking of and wanting sex. But he doesn’t want sex with any of those women he saw. He wants sex with you. The arousal other women inspire in him makes him desire his beloved all the more, and that means YOU”.

    Tuesday, 26 June 2012 @ 10:50am

  231. 231: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    ““Working on yourself has the marvelous outcome of making your triggering experiences less painful and reactionary, and more – well – funny, actually.
    When I catch myself going somewhere and talking with someone (especially my husband) and suddenly, internally go to a perception that I’m not being “acknowledged” or “respected” or feeling “second class” in some way – I now can “get” – almost instantly – that my need for approval and to be “superior” and “appreciated” is being triggered.
    I notice my body tense up, my face takes on a different feel, and I want to go into some version of defense mode. And I notice that that “defense” mode becomes centered on ME – but NOT in the way we want to focus on ourselves here. My stored up rage and fear has been activated, and whoever is with me at that moment becomes the SOURCE of bad feelings – even if he or she is NOT responsible for that.
    What we’re doing here is learning to FEEL to GET – to TRUST – that WE are the Source of all this. And then we can feel for and have compassion for ourselves, and then that moves to a deep ability to feel for and have compassion for others, and then everything flows and all the barriers come down, we all open up…..yeah…
    A person can trigger you and still be a fantastic person. That’s why the concept of “The Messenger.” The Messenger is anyone who brings you a message about yourself that can HELP you get a bead on how you operate inside, how you react to being triggered – and that can teach you how to SEPARATE out that “triggering” from your perception of that person.”

    Rori

    Tuesday, 26 June 2012 @ 10:53am

  232. 232: ReceivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    @113 Calypso

    It’s good that you learned about his smoking pot since that is something you do not want in your life. I feel it’s best to just let that one go since it wasn’t really working out for you. I hope you find someone you feel is good for you that you would want to be in a relationship with. :)

    Tuesday, 26 June 2012 @ 10:56am

  233. 233: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Lilibee I wonder how her fiance would describe his memory of the meeting?

    Tuesday, 26 June 2012 @ 10:57am

  234. 234: ReceivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    @114 Lily Medusa

    Thanks! Actually, the book I was looking at was by a different author. I will check that one out.

    Tuesday, 26 June 2012 @ 10:59am

  235. 235: EmoticonNo Gravatar says:

    Lilibee that interesting that her fiance was there, I wonder what he was thinking about what ur guy was doing….hmmm

    Tuesday, 26 June 2012 @ 11:01am

  236. 236: ReceivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    @116 LobbyStar

    That is so sweet! :)

    Tuesday, 26 June 2012 @ 11:02am

  237. 237: ReceivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    @118 Turquoise

    It’s nice you are helping each other out. I’m sure it feels really good to you. :)

    Tuesday, 26 June 2012 @ 11:05am

  238. 238: ReceivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    @125 Memulo – Thank you! :) :)

    Tuesday, 26 June 2012 @ 11:09am

  239. 239: ReceivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    @128 Memulo

    I feel happy you will be spending your birthday with your man! I hope you have a great time.

    Tuesday, 26 June 2012 @ 11:11am

  240. 240: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    BTW Lilibee I believe that in such a situation you could have used the opportunity to CD so that when he turns around looking for you he sees you living your life. There is an eLetter with another woman’s story who did something similar and when the man saw her with one of the band members at the party he didn’t leave her side for the rest of the night.

    Tuesday, 26 June 2012 @ 11:15am

  241. 241: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    Hmm any ideas why my post won’t post??

    Tuesday, 26 June 2012 @ 11:18am

  242. 242: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    Receiving girl- I tried to post a link for you but it won’t let me.

    It was a link to the film the secret based on the book where you can sign up for free emails to keep the positivity going.
    You can prob google it.

    I see you had a good night with mr observant! That’s great!

    Tuesday, 26 June 2012 @ 11:20am

  243. 243: LilibeeNo Gravatar says:

    239:

    FW,

    I did CD.
    I had to be careful who with coz it was all D’s family and I would certainly not want to upset any of those ladies.

    I did manage to CD with a hot waiter.
    He tried serenading me and D’s mom and sister.
    He forgot the words, so I joined in with him and we sang a beautiful duet staring into each other’s eyes.
    Everyone applauded.

    This waiter joined me on the dance floor at some point. We had a great time.

    I think D saw it…not long after, D came to try and learn from me how to dance salsa. Boy did he work hard at learning it?

    Tuesday, 26 June 2012 @ 11:25am

  244. 244: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    That Lilibee is a lesson from him on how to hold his attention.

    Tuesday, 26 June 2012 @ 11:26am

  245. 245: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    So after him telling me he missed me and wanted to try again I heard from him all weekend. Now it’s been 2 days. We made tentative plans for sat.

    I’m trying to think positively and think well why would I suddenly expect to hear from him everyday.

    I will keep leaning back and thinking positive

    Tuesday, 26 June 2012 @ 11:29am

  246. 246: LilibeeNo Gravatar says:

    243:

    FW:

    Thank you so much for bringing up cd’ing bringing me to remember that moment :)

    Tuesday, 26 June 2012 @ 11:37am

  247. 247: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    Hmm

    Maybe this has something to do with it as I’m sure his feelings can’t just have changed from being so intense over the weekend?

    The truth is that all men “rubberband” some of the time. He’ll get excited about something and be “all over you,” and then some days he’ll feel more in his own head, worried about something that has nothing to do with you, or just need to hide away from intense intimacy with you until he gets his “bearings” again.

    Men can be just like us in the way they sometimes need time to “regroup” and really get back in balance. Men can get thrown off just as easily as we can – it just looks a little different.

    From roris newsletter

    Tuesday, 26 June 2012 @ 11:38am

  248. 248: ReceivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    @146 (((boasgirl)))

    Tuesday, 26 June 2012 @ 11:43am

  249. 249: turquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Sirens,

    Welp, I really need to work on the no closure thing and leaning back and letting go of control. I see it, I know it, I bow down to it…. but of course AFTER I sent these texts to S (formerly known as Dreamy)

    We could have just been friends. Didn’t have to go this way.

    I wish you all the best. Hope you find what you are looking for. Take care.

    I didn’t tell him off or tell him never to speak to me… I was planning to say goodbye, but wrote take care instead. I just can’t take the loose strings, the wondering, truly…. the not having any control. So, I ended my expectation or hopefullness of hearing from him. Closure on my terms, rather than none at all.

    I don’t know if he’ll reappear someday or not…. or what I’d even do if he did. To me, ignorning someone is just rude and uncalled for. Whether they are built differently or not, need their space… I want a man who won’t disappear on me when things get tough, and if they can’t even stick when things are good, but maybe feeling a little off… then it’s not the right relationship for me.

    The guy who brought me to the blog, Tom, has reappeared, and so has another guy that I dated years ago… also a poofer, who was an odd kisser, but a nice guy. I’m going to practice the tools, do my best to follow them and experiment.

    Mr. Conversation is filling the friend role right now, and will be fun. I am just going to take that day by day, see how it goes. He’s coming for dinner tonight, going to have him cut my grass. :)

    Tuesday, 26 June 2012 @ 11:44am

  250. 250: ReceivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    @241 Smile

    Thanks! I did see the movie The Secret. I will look up the site.

    Yes, it was a great night. We didn’t go to sleep until about 2am and got up around 5am and I’m not even tired!! It was so nice to see him. He’s going to the party on Sat. and would like to see me before then.

    Oh, he also told me he can feel my energy when I touch him and it’s such good energy. Wow….

    Tuesday, 26 June 2012 @ 11:46am

  251. 251: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    Yey receiving girl! That’s so great to read. I feel really happy for you 

    Tuesday, 26 June 2012 @ 11:53am

  252. 252: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    I’ve not seen the film the secret yet but it’s on my list along with getting hold of that book!!

    Tuesday, 26 June 2012 @ 11:54am

  253. 253: LilibeeNo Gravatar says:

    251:

    Hi Smile:

    I have the book.
    Everyone who told me about it said that something that they wanted actually happened while they were reading it or not long after they finished it.

    I was very skeptical of that.
    But low and behold!…As I was reading the last few pages, the job that I wished for months magically fell on my lap! from a totally unexpected source!

    I bought a new version called “daily teachings”.
    Each page has the day of the week on it.
    It’s meant to have us read a page every day.
    I have for a while, but dropped it.
    I think I need to get back to it. I was only 1/3 into it.

    Tuesday, 26 June 2012 @ 12:05pm

  254. 254: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Turquoise I was listening to Rori and CCarter interview this morning. She was saying she encourages women to avoid having sex. I encourage you to read through Power and Self-Esteem, also Sex & Sensuality to see how to handle things differently in the future.

    Tuesday, 26 June 2012 @ 12:09pm

  255. 255: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    Oo lilibee, thank you for your review.

    Nice one landing the job!

    I’ve been practising the concept for a few days now and been amazed by it already!

    Can’t wait to read 

    Tuesday, 26 June 2012 @ 12:10pm

  256. 256: turquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    FW, I would agree with that, but I’ve also recently read that we aren’t supposed to hold back or withhold sex. Maybe it’s the timing? I realize I should have had the commitment talk with him before it got that far….. but I wasn’t sure I wanted a commitment… guess that is part of the problem.

    Tuesday, 26 June 2012 @ 12:18pm

  257. 257: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    Lilibee – I’m sorry, have been crazy busy lately. Can you fill me in? I would love to help if I can.

    xxoo

    Tuesday, 26 June 2012 @ 12:19pm

  258. 258: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    Yes Francesca #211, I do say this. Here are two articles addressing this issue.

    sexandheart.com/hot-women-are-everywhere-does-this-stress-you-out

    sexandheart.com/men-looking-at-women

    xxoo

    Tuesday, 26 June 2012 @ 12:23pm

  259. 259: T-GirlNo Gravatar says:

    Turq, what happened with So Ready?

    Tuesday, 26 June 2012 @ 12:25pm

  260. 260: TamNo Gravatar says:

    It’s all so confusing now. I mean, I am only 36, but I remember years ago, things just moved ‘naturally’, and now it feels so much work! I remember getting to know someone, being gf/bf, having sex and being exclusive and serious – it just went hand in hand. There was no poofing…it all worked naturally. Why has it all changed? I don’t get it. Is it just me?

    Tuesday, 26 June 2012 @ 12:26pm

  261. 261: turquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Dominique,
    What’s your take on how long we should wait for sex? know every situation is different, but what are your thoughts?

    Tuesday, 26 June 2012 @ 12:26pm

  262. 262: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    So I stumbled across a blog like this for
    Men… Interesting read… What surprised me the most was how much they wrote in each post!

    Tuesday, 26 June 2012 @ 12:27pm

  263. 263: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Smile, tell us the web address!! :)

    Tuesday, 26 June 2012 @ 12:29pm

  264. 264: turquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    So Ready was just not for me…. I couldn’t connect. I tried, tried to be open and receptive…. I really liked him on the phone, but in person…. just wasn’t there. I didn’t sleep with him, it never went beyond a few kisses, in 3 months!

    Tuesday, 26 June 2012 @ 12:29pm

  265. 265: turquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    We actually mutually poofed.

    Tuesday, 26 June 2012 @ 12:30pm

  266. 266: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    Tam

    It’s called no more mr nice guy- it’s a support group based on a guys relationship book.

    The post I read about came up when I did a search related to leaning back in relationships. This came up…

    It was interesting to see from there point of view. I can’t post the link as I think it goes into moderation.

    Tuesday, 26 June 2012 @ 12:40pm

  267. 267: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Turq around sex is still about how you feel. Doing it for your pleasure and not about how you will feel tomorrow. However it should be fully discussed beforehand.

    Tuesday, 26 June 2012 @ 12:41pm

  268. 268: Jessie1000No Gravatar says:

    Tam….maybe at 36 u are more confident or have more boundaries?
    Or maybe your eyes are more wide open to the stress of bad relationships?
    Or maybe you have a desired result now and so u cant bother with all the wierd stuff….guys can be very wierd especially to women who arent passive.
    I bet you havent had ur heart broke as much?
    Or maybe they go because they cant just use u and abuse u?
    I like to believe anyone who leaves has spared me bullshit rather than believing that I wasnt worthy lol
    Keep on keeping on….!
    Im sure that you will soon find a keeper and see through all the toads….loL!!

    Tuesday, 26 June 2012 @ 12:43pm

  269. 269: Jessie1000No Gravatar says:

    Tam….maybe at 36 u are more confident or have more boundaries?
    Or maybe your eyes are more wide open to the stress of bad relationships?
    Or maybe you have a desired result now and so u cant bother with all the wierd stuff….guys can be very wierd especially to women who arent passive.
    I bet you havent had ur heart broke as much?
    Or maybe they go because they cant just use u and abuse u?
    I like to believe anyone who leaves has spared me bullshit rather than believing that I wasnt worthy lol
    Keep on keeping on….!
    Im sure that you will soon find a keeper and see through all the toads….loL!!

    Tuesday, 26 June 2012 @ 12:43pm

  270. 270: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Turq look at how you felt after the fact to learn about what you want and how you work. Not holding back for me is related to trading sex for commitment or using it to gain power in the relationship. You hold off until you are sure about wanting it because it feels good in the moment. Not necessarily to connect long term with the man or expecting that it will create a deeper connection with him.

    Tuesday, 26 June 2012 @ 12:45pm

  271. 271: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    I almost broke NC twice today. Day 17. I love me so much (((((((((me))))))))

    Tuesday, 26 June 2012 @ 12:45pm

  272. 272: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Jessie, wow, quite some insight, thank you. Maybe you are right!
    But I do feel sad that it seems ‘work’ nowadays – perhaps it comes with age, we ‘think’ too much. I just so want a good guy who cares for me and me for him.
    Sometimes I wonder if they are all taken. The two good guys I went out with are married now. Maybe I missed out? :(

    Tuesday, 26 June 2012 @ 12:47pm

  273. 273: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    Wow Starla day 17!

    Tuesday, 26 June 2012 @ 12:48pm

  274. 274: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    Hmm. 3 years ago after my ex of 10 years I promised myself never to live with a man who I didn’t have a commitment from and to always have a man chase me… Then I fell head over heels in love, broke all my promises to myself and look where it got me…

    I have re promised these to myself again and I am positive I will keep to it this time!

    Tuesday, 26 June 2012 @ 12:53pm

  275. 275: Jessie1000No Gravatar says:

    Tam
    Did u miss out? If u were identical twins physically and personality wise with the girls those dudes married.

    Otherwise u would have got with someone who desired to marry someone like them.

    Being wrong for them does not mean ur undesirable.

    Maybe those girls are dumb or passive?

    Maybe those girls want to give them bjs all day and cook and clean like dogs.

    Maybe they yelled at those girls and the girls took it and didnt break up.

    Maybe they married nice girls but they are just cheaters and these girls dont care.

    Maybe your fine!

    Maybe u dont really need a man?

    Maybe ur happy the way you are and unconsciously are pushing them away?

    Maybe they want gold diggers and ur too generous and sensual to feel right with you?

    Dont just believe the negative thoughts of the COULD bes cause it might be actually a positive thing.

    Wait and see if they get divorced in 3 years or after their first kids…lol

    Marriage is only the start and not the fairy tale ever after….That piece of paper guarantees nothing but a divorce court and a big party on the first day.

    If you see them in the nursing home together, still in love then you might know that he was a keeper….and still he might just have wanted to settle for a girl that requires no work….maybe ur too intelligent for him…and intimidate him cause ur so smart (thats my favorite belief but who knows if its true lol)
    Kisses

    Tuesday, 26 June 2012 @ 12:56pm

  276. 276: TamNo Gravatar says:

    I just saw the ‘no more mr nice guy’ website. If only every man read that! Wow!
    I also struggle with the sex thing. I love sex, but I don’t like it when it makes me feel attached. So do I have to stay celibate until I find ‘my guy’? Oh dear.

    I also want to break my NC to MrU because English guy poofed….and it was ‘my turn’, and I know he feels rejected because I never answered his last email 3 weeks ago. But if I contact him, it will all start again…all the back and forth. I am exhausted.

    Tuesday, 26 June 2012 @ 12:59pm

  277. 277: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Tam also with Internet dating men have lots of options in women who willingly have sex quIckly so they can move to new women from week to week if tehy so choose

    Tuesday, 26 June 2012 @ 12:59pm

  278. 278: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Aw Jessie , your last post cheered me up soooo much!!! Thank you!!

    FW- very true!! Thank you

    Tuesday, 26 June 2012 @ 1:01pm

  279. 279: turquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    FW, I didn’t have sex to try and make him want a committment or anything like that. It felt…. inevitable, so why not do it now and have fun… was going to happen anyways. That sounds totally unpassionate or romantic when I say it that way….lol. I got caught up in the moment, we did discuss birth control, what type of relationship we both wanted…. we really seemed to be on the same page. I did say how much I like attention, to hear from someone, even on a busy day…. the little things mean a lot to me. So, I don’t know. Either he needed some space or something happened that felt off… I don’t know. Which is why I WISH they’d just have a conversation about it, to know. I don’t like the not knowing. So, of course all these thoughts went through my mind, but since I’m just telling myself stories….. I decided to tell myself that the right one isn’t going to poof, so the wrong ones leave to make room for the right one. So I don’t waste my time. This is my year, I know it, I feel it…. I believe it. THis is going to continue to be an amazing year for me.

    Tuesday, 26 June 2012 @ 1:02pm

  280. 280: turquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    FW, I didn’t have sex to try and make him want a committment or anything like that. It felt…. inevitable, so why not do it now and have fun… was going to happen anyways. That sounds totally unpassionate or romantic when I say it that way….lol. I got caught up in the moment, we did discuss birth control, what type of relationship we both wanted…. we really seemed to be on the same page. I did say how much I like attention, to hear from someone, even on a busy day…. the little things mean a lot to me. So, I don’t know. Either he needed some space or something happened that felt off… I don’t know. Which is why I WISH they’d just have a conversation about it, to know. I don’t like the not knowing. So, of course all these thoughts went through my mind, but since I’m just telling myself stories….. I decided to tell myself that the right one isn’t going to poof, so the wrong ones leave to make room for the right one. So I don’t waste my time. This is my year, I know it, I feel it…. I believe it. THis is going to continue to be an amazing year for me.

    Tuesday, 26 June 2012 @ 1:02pm

  281. 281: TamNo Gravatar says:

    I feel sad. I feel not good enough. I feel men just want blonde, tall, big-boobed barbies like MrU and bald CD and I am a petite brunette…and always losing out. I feel lonely and teary.

    Tuesday, 26 June 2012 @ 1:06pm

  282. 282: turquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Tam….. I used to feel that way too… I’m also a short brunette :), but when I look at Hollywood…. most of the starlets these days are brunette! That makes me feel better. Nothing against all the stunning blondes, but I’ve had quite a few men tell me they prefer brunettes. There is someone for everyone! :)

    Tuesday, 26 June 2012 @ 1:10pm

  283. 283: siren songNo Gravatar says:

    Starla! Day 17! Yes!

    I’m on day 6 not responding (because he emails me meaningless links to videos, not substantial messages so there’s nothing to respond to, really) and day 11 not initiating.

    Tuesday, 26 June 2012 @ 1:11pm

  284. 284: turquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    I’m really feeling like doing an experiment where I only date someone for 30 days. And I tell them that upfront. I only want to date for 30 days. Then, next. New beginning. Not forever, but just curious as to what that short term dynamic would add to my vibe, my emotions… how they would react. I really want to have a funfilled summer. I was so looking forward to that with S.

    Tuesday, 26 June 2012 @ 1:13pm

  285. 285: turquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    I’m really feeling like doing an experiment where I only date someone for 30 days. And I tell them that upfront. I only want to date for 30 days. Then, next. New beginning. Not forever, but just curious as to what that short term dynamic would add to my vibe, my emotions… how they would react. I really want to have a funfilled summer. I was so looking forward to that with S.

    Tuesday, 26 June 2012 @ 1:13pm

  286. 286: turquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    I’m really feeling like doing an experiment where I only date someone for 30 days. And I tell them that upfront. I only want to date for 30 days. Then, next. New beginning. Not forever, but just curious as to what that short term dynamic would add to my vibe, my emotions… how they would react. I really want to have a funfilled summer. I was so looking forward to that with S.

    Tuesday, 26 June 2012 @ 1:13pm

  287. 287: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Turq I have a cd with a coach who recommends trying the shorterm thing. Renee Piane

    Tuesday, 26 June 2012 @ 1:15pm

  288. 288: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    Yey for short brunettes! I’m in that club too 

    Tuesday, 26 June 2012 @ 1:20pm

  289. 289: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Im feeling sad

    i love my sadness

    :)

    im feeling smily

    i love my smilyness

    im feeling sigh

    i love my sighness

    im feeling yawny

    i love my yawniness

    Tuesday, 26 June 2012 @ 1:24pm

  290. 290: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Turquoise..thank you!
    Also, interesting your 30 day concept – so what would you do if there was mutual interest after 30 days??? :)

    Tuesday, 26 June 2012 @ 1:24pm

  291. 291: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    im feeling disappointed

    maybe i feel shame

    i love my shame

    maybe fear

    and i know its ok to want the world and men to take care of me

    im so worthy

    yay for beign me even if others judge me

    Tuesday, 26 June 2012 @ 1:27pm

  292. 292: LindaNo Gravatar says:

    193…THanks Goldenflower. Again, I completely get you. I have not ruled out circular dating or am waiting. I have had a worse breakup than this last one which actually brought me to this blog in the first place over 5 years ago now. He truely was the love of my life and he poofed on me. I hurt so much that my skin literally ached when he left. I was totally blind sided that time. That is a way I NEVER want to feel again.

    This last relationship is not as bad. It did not have the level of intimacy. I kept my feet on the ground with this one. I did not over function nor did I “lead”. I always felt unwanted by him, yet he was with me. So I would rationalize my feelings away and plod thru another day. It is so draining and unhappy a life to live with a depressed human being. One who acts like they will try to do some things different, but dont actually do them. I actually can say I do not miss him. He did do an occasional thoughtful thing like bring me flowers and took me to a nice dinner on valentines day this past year that he planned… but mostly did not engage in “life” with me. He exsisted and I lived. On a trip he would want me to drive so he could sleep. Or say… you go see it about it.. I need to rest. I always felt alone, even when he walked right beside me. So… I dont miss him at all. That is what I kept myself grounded by. The whole time I knew he was not “into mem or pleasing me just because”. Which I have found out is how he has treated all of his relationships and why they have failed I suppose.

    I am glad to NOT be stuffing feelings anymore. I know I should not have done that and I own that. I did not take care of me. I got to where the conflict was easier to avoid. That is not good for me either. I feel that sharing my vunerable parts could not be done with him any longer because he simply DID NOT CARE about me or making a life together.

    101 # 195
    As far as the little episode I had online yesterday. Writing first. yeah I know, it was a little lean forward. But… I think that guy was a JERK and RUDE and OVER REACTED. Guess that will just teach me huh?….. whatever! It made me MAD and what he did was uncalled for. I am wound up. Not at any one here. ….. If a guy who gives the impression that he is wisecracker cant take a little light hearted note then thats too bad for him.

    xxoo all
    Linda

    Tuesday, 26 June 2012 @ 1:38pm

  293. 293: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    261 smile, i want to see the link:D

    Tuesday, 26 June 2012 @ 1:39pm

  294. 294: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    im feeling really disconnected and turned off from the blog

    i feel all punshing

    i feel all nto good

    thisi s how i feel with guys soemtimes

    i wanna keep away and really i just want it to turn all lovely and engaging again

    and instead it just feels well

    annoying

    whining, annoying, draining

    i ahte that feelign

    i feel so disappointed

    :(

    ok i was blaming energetically

    so wout blaming what i feel is icky turned off and pulled down

    Tuesday, 26 June 2012 @ 2:06pm

  295. 295: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    ok im still gonna write here

    is this kinda like leaning forward with a man

    i feel all ‘give up’

    the type that i wind up ‘leaning forward’ with?

    cuz i ‘gave up’ attracting?

    and i really dont want to sink in my feelings

    and im sinking in my feelings

    im feeling so disappointed

    Tuesday, 26 June 2012 @ 2:09pm

  296. 296: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    turquoise – #260 – In my opinion, there are no rules around sex. If it feels right and you want to, then go ahead. Sex earlier or later does not make or break a relationship.

    If things don’t end up working out, you still enjoyed yourself, and this is a good thing.

    If it was lousy sex, oh well, no sense in beating yourself up over maybe not the best choice.

    And then again it all could work out very well.

    I know of people who have had sex on a first date, and they had a happily ever after anyway. I would say though that I know more people that didn’t.

    For me I have not done this, not because I had any rule around it but because no one ever pressed me to, and I likely would have felt too shy or uncomfortable to do so without knowing the man better as a person.

    xxoo

    Tuesday, 26 June 2012 @ 2:14pm

  297. 297: siren songNo Gravatar says:

    I feel weirded out that guy who loves me emails me little emails. It makes me feel hopeful and then disappointed.

    Tuesday, 26 June 2012 @ 2:16pm

  298. 298: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    so disappointed

    aint no man even close to this

    sometimes open up only to be frightened out my wits

    does it really come to this

    to ask for help and get it or get judged for it

    i hate it

    i hate that and i love life

    the sunshine and the white light on my bed and the top of my balustrade

    im feelin chill an still dead headed

    nothin really poppin my phone off but if it was on id jus be feelin lonely

    righ tnow im feelin fly and alone like the one time i got rest off my tour of the world

    this is my face :(

    and i got no men around that want more then sex

    and the ones that do cant amke it ahppen all the way

    as far as a date that feels legit

    what is it i get sucked off this bridge a thousand times to taka a lil step and

    its till all good jus pulled so much into wat i want take care of me

    take care of me

    take take receive

    dont talk to him

    just talk to me

    an me i can receive wat im offered dont ask?

    dont ask jus say i desire

    i desired

    dont ask

    af i fm

    it would feel so good to have my phone paid by a man who want nothin in return

    yah

    strenghten my trust in life

    sigh

    feelin smily

    an shaky

    an sleepy

    an waky

    Tuesday, 26 June 2012 @ 2:21pm

  299. 299: siren songNo Gravatar says:

    Lilibee,

    How long did you lean back with D? A month?

    Tuesday, 26 June 2012 @ 2:35pm

  300. 300: goldenflowerNo Gravatar says:

    259: Tam says:
    It’s all so confusing now. I mean, I am only 36, but I remember years ago, things just moved ‘naturally’, and now it feels so much work! I remember getting to know someone, being gf/bf, having sex and being exclusive and serious – it just went hand in hand. There was no poofing…it all worked naturally. Why has it all changed? I don’t get it. Is it just me?

    I completely feel the same as this sometimes. I have another theory, that in our twenties we are far less picky and able to take risks with our hearts too, as we havent felt the full depths of heartbreak yet. It was all so easy for me from age 22 until 34, and now, it is so hard and complicated. I’m 36 , nrly 37 as well. I think online dating also plays a part, as another siren said, men can more easily casually date every week and not committ as much as they were expected to in the past. But also we’re all more free to pick and choose now, and the world is much more connected than ever before. Whereas in the past you pretty much limited your choices to the town you lived in and made do!!! But then again if I had married the guy i was engaged to aged 17, then we would have had to divorce, there was no way that would have lasted. But I still have faith that gentelmen are out there, who also want to be married and to share their life with just one woman. Heres to that, xx

    Tuesday, 26 June 2012 @ 3:49pm

  301. 301: goldenflowerNo Gravatar says:

    291: Linda
    I understand what you’re saying. You are so much better off now then, rather than with someone who couldnt give at all. And it seems from what you describe, that this person became a bad habit for you, one that was hard to quit. But you did quit. I think if you’re in the way of being the giver in a relationship then it can be really hard to become the receiver. But it can change, I am aiming towards this for myself.

    I was dumped by a guy a month ago because he got really depressed (worse than usual) and just “cdnt be in a relationship”. He had been sectioned (mental health act) three years earlier, as his type of depression can turn delusional. The thing is he was so lovely, considerate, communicated every day. We only went out for two months and had a real connection, so i thought. He is now stuck back at home as the carer for his parents, which has triggered his episode. I have gone from feeling rejected and abandoned to understanding that he just cannot give at all, even to himself. Overall I just think that depressive people have a really hard time being giving partners, which is bad news if you want an equal relationship or to be treated as a siren should. So I have accepted what happened, I cant control what he feels or what he wants. I give up any need to control or chase, or wonder.
    I did my best to be there for him but he had to shut me out no matter how I was.
    I feel much much better than i ever expected to feel, as its only been a month. I think just accepting I did my best, has helped. And also recognising that I want and require a giving partner, a good guy who wants to make me happy and is able to do this. I gave too much too soon to the last guy, from start to finish. I can see this now. I am putting my own needs front and centre to stay on my own bridge. No following someone off a bridge.

    And Linda, i also think that guy on email sounds like a total loser, he sounds neurotic if he replied like that. I think thats an indisputable over-reaction. Thank your lucky stars you found this out before you even had to meet him. There are some dangerous men out there, after all. It is good to stay safe and trust your instincts.
    I remain hopeful that my current CD is a different type from usual, I feel like asking him twenty questions (like men do). Which would include, do you have history of depressive illness, do you want children, do you like the smiths, do you see yourself as a boy or man, do you beleive it important to bring presents/ food or wine when you visit your dates house? I’d love to ask this but of course I wont., haha. xx

    Tuesday, 26 June 2012 @ 4:15pm

  302. 302: RebeccaNo Gravatar says:

    Hi sirens ~ I am reading your discussion about the why’s and wherefore’s of sex…

    A male friend of mine said this on the subject of casual sex.

    ‘it is only a oroblem when it is good’

    I laughed my head off! :)

    Tuesday, 26 June 2012 @ 4:56pm

  303. 303: ReceivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    @149 Esteemed – That is so nice of R to help you out!! :)

    Tuesday, 26 June 2012 @ 5:50pm

  304. 304: ReceivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    @180 Tam – thank you! :)

    Tuesday, 26 June 2012 @ 6:11pm

  305. 305: siren songNo Gravatar says:

    I feel so sad and lonely. I am so missing sleeping in the same bed with man who loves me.

    I just saw him on the street. He rode his bike past me and took the long way to pass by me but didn’t say anything.

    Arg. I feel scared i’m never going to find someone i liked as much as him.

    Tuesday, 26 June 2012 @ 6:46pm

  306. 306: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    299:

    Hi Siren Song,

    I leaned totally back with no contact whatsoever for 1.5 months.
    Then he contacted me and began chasing me.
    I kept leaning totally back for another 2 months, that is until we approached 2 weeks before our vacation alone together.
    I started calling him about 2x a week until we took the plane.

    Anwering your question, I’m seeing something there for me:
    I leaned forward alot since we’ve been back 2 weeks ago, and that’s when I gradually started feeling taken for granted again and he started acting out like I was ‘easy’ and he didn’t have to work to charm me anymore.
    I would lean forward by packing an overnight bag almost every night to go sleepover at his place.
    Then I complained that I felt tired and stressed from running around for 20 days packing to go somewhere.

    Hmmm, so leaning back again I go.

    I’ve been doing so since we got back from our weekend out of town.
    Actually I leaned back coz I got so triggered over the weekend.
    But he did call me to invite me for supper and even cooked for me last night.
    I leaned back by coming back to my place to sleep.
    I couldn’t stand to pack another overnight bag.

    I didn’t call him all day, spent some time here instead, and he called me a few minutes ago to say goodnight before he went to bed.

    He spent the evening having some quality alone time with his son.

    Tuesday, 26 June 2012 @ 7:07pm

  307. 307: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    im feeling a bit better

    Tuesday, 26 June 2012 @ 7:10pm

  308. 308: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    305:

    Siren Song,

    I wish I had magic words for you.

    All I can say is I’ve had those exact same feelings, I know them very well.

    Weird I did not have them when I broke up with D for 2 months though.

    I had those feelings when my prior relationship ended.
    I just missed falling asleep with any man back then.

    Tuesday, 26 June 2012 @ 7:17pm

  309. 309: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    231:

    Oh FW!

    That feels incredibly good to read :)

    After spending some time here today, I was able to go home and spend a wonderful time reconnecting with my bf.
    Then I felt open, receptive and compassionate when D called to say goodnight.

    I love you sirens!
    I don’t know what I would do without this blog!

    Tuesday, 26 June 2012 @ 7:36pm

  310. 310: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Happy Birthday Memulo

    Tuesday, 26 June 2012 @ 8:18pm

  311. 311: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    omg my mom just threw away almost all of my box of ‘precious things’ including love letters and mementos of my most special relationships

    i feel devastated

    been crying and howling

    Tuesday, 26 June 2012 @ 8:24pm

  312. 312: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    258:

    Thank You Dominique!

    I did read your posts on your website.
    So you did help.
    I feel much better, more relaxed and peaceful :)

    I felt very angry.
    Then my anger morphed into sadness.
    Now I feel more relaxed and peaceful.

    I remember his droopy face and teary eyes when I left him on Sunday saying I feel angry and I need space…He can’t possibly not care and not love me.

    I would feel better reconnecting with my own life.
    I’ve been totally into his life for 3 weeks.
    I’ve started feeling a little lost and disconnected from myself by doing so.
    I felt so good being with him 24/7 on vacation, I wanted it to last.
    I got hooked and totally forgot about myself for the following 2 weeks.

    This trigger reminded me how good I felt being a little more independant and doing stuff on my own.
    So I went to visit my bf tonight, and we made plans to go bike riding together.

    Tuesday, 26 June 2012 @ 8:35pm

  313. 313: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    my memory box. its gone. all my letters. gone.

    i have one left. just a drawign.

    from a guy i wasnt all that intimate with.

    the rest. gone.

    but i did find the letter i wrote to guy who.

    it was surprisingly feelingy

    other than some turn offss like stabs at other women

    ha

    i feel tired of this god

    im ready to die

    my parents are arguing downstairs

    well my dad is being loud

    my dad is ignoring me

    he doesnt treat me loviungly

    who cares about this stupid stupid life

    i want to die already

    ok actually no i dont

    i want to live and have a happy life

    but i really really dont think its possible

    not the way i want it

    i watn everyone to be happy

    and safe

    Tuesday, 26 June 2012 @ 8:59pm

  314. 314: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    My state is burning to the ground. My heart feels heavy for everyone who has lost their material lives and mementos. Some had such little warning and were lucky to get out with just their lives and pets. I am going to fall asleep tonight imagining rain and feeling so grateful for rain. I feel scared to notice how it’s not raining and how we need rain.

    Tuesday, 26 June 2012 @ 9:40pm

  315. 315: EmoticonNo Gravatar says:

    Starla :( im so sorry to hear that. Its so sad.

    Tuesday, 26 June 2012 @ 9:43pm

  316. 316: EmoticonNo Gravatar says:

    I hope you dont lose your stuff in all this. I might put rain for you in my universe box.

    Daria….. im sorry you lost your memory box :(

    Tuesday, 26 June 2012 @ 9:45pm

  317. 317: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    I am going to be just fine here in my city-dwelling. I am thinking of lk right now and hoping her and CD are safe from fires.

    Tuesday, 26 June 2012 @ 9:55pm

  318. 318: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    i mean, other cities are starting to burn pretty close by, but mine isn’t going to.

    Tuesday, 26 June 2012 @ 9:56pm

  319. 319: Rori RayeNo Gravatar says:

    Daria – OMG – so sorry that happened. Daria – once again…when you get independent enough to live away from your parents – things will shift for you. Right now you’re dealing with them so much, it’s taking so much of your energy. You are such a goddess – can’t wait to see you begin to soar…Love, Rori

    Tuesday, 26 June 2012 @ 10:04pm

  320. 320: Rori RayeNo Gravatar says:

    Starla – Thinking of rain, water, calm air…Love, Rori

    Tuesday, 26 June 2012 @ 10:12pm

  321. 321: BrandylionNo Gravatar says:

    Do you know what a difference it would make in the way I feel if I had a visit with a man at the end of the summer to look forward to? It was unlikely that PriestCD would have come back to AZ to visit me if we were still dating, but I would have been talking to him and sharing what I’m going through with someone who’s gone through this program and knows what it’s like. I would have had the hope for and promise of time with him when this was all over. Instead, I just get to go straight back to school. Okay, not quite. My sister is going to fly out and road trip back with me for a week after these classes are out and before school starts. But that trip wouldn’t be happening if I were still with PriestCD because I’d have had a reason to get home quickly from AZ, or he’d be my road trip partner.

    I just feel so alone. I’ve spent over six hours in the past three days on the phone with my best friend, mostly supporting her through a really tough time, and I have needed that time to get my work done. I am feeling the pressure now. I don’t want to call her because it will be another long conversation, and I just literally DO NOT have the time to spare even though I’m hurting. :-(

    I feel frozen. I feel so overwhelmed by all of this that I’m having a hard time functioning and even getting started.

    Thursday and Friday are going to be so awful. We are going out Thursday for my birthday to a popular brewery. It’s a great place and worth going to again; we were there a few times per week the first time I was here taking a class. It’s where we went last year for my birthday. That’s what we considered the date that started our relationship. And then Friday is the actual day, which would have marked one year. I’m going to be spending it in class and then working on research the rest of the day.

    This year, there will be no flirting and sitting close enough together to touch at the brewery. There will be no walking back holding hands. There will be no good night kiss at my door. There will be no sleepless night because I felt SO DAMN EXCITED! There will be only the memories and the empty place in my life where he used to be and a cold, empty bed.

    Will I make new memories with other people? Sure. But they can’t compare to last year. That was the best summer of my life, and I knew that as it was happening. It’s not just hindsight. The summers that could be even better are so far away right now that it’s not even worth it to mention that they’ll happen.

    Tuesday, 26 June 2012 @ 10:13pm

  322. 322: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you, Rori

    Tuesday, 26 June 2012 @ 10:14pm

  323. 323: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    jus feelin all devastated

    this big ass fight thing went down at my hous

    i dont feel ‘got’ here

    im feelin all fuchked up too

    it wasnt even me in the fight it was them

    im jus feelin all fuhked up

    i aint got nobody comin thru for me right now either

    Tuesday, 26 June 2012 @ 10:51pm

  324. 324: siren songNo Gravatar says:

    thanks lilibee,

    i’m really leaning back. the more i do, the more he shows up, even just on the street. i really feel bad focusing on him, so i’ve been dating a little and going out A LOT with my friends. planning trips. focusing on my job and my house.

    and the more i lean back, the more i realise that it’s FOR ME, not just an attractive thing to men. i feel 1000% better than when guy who loves me and i were together. he was sick and angry and his job was crazy. it felt very draining. i feel so much lighter now. my heart feels more open.

    Tuesday, 26 June 2012 @ 10:53pm

  325. 325: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you Emoticon Knocksoftly and Rori

    that feels REALLY soothing

    really really

    thank u

    Tuesday, 26 June 2012 @ 10:54pm

  326. 326: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    well this one guy i just called this number and it was him he will come thru tonite he said . he says he loves me

    he always has this is that one that wanted me from day one and wants to marry me

    Tuesday, 26 June 2012 @ 10:56pm

  327. 327: siren songNo Gravatar says:

    i feel happy after hanging out with my oldest girlfriends in the city then going by myself to kareoke. i made some good long eye contact with cute guys. this city is FULL of cute guys. sigh.

    Tuesday, 26 June 2012 @ 11:02pm

  328. 328: siren songNo Gravatar says:

    (starla)

    Tuesday, 26 June 2012 @ 11:04pm

  329. 329: siren songNo Gravatar says:

    (daria)

    Tuesday, 26 June 2012 @ 11:04pm

  330. 330: PamelalaNo Gravatar says:

    I am on vacation on the east coast while my city is burning to the ground. I just got off the phone with my son who is preparing to evacuate our home at a moments notice. It is so surreal and heartbreaking. Many friends have already lost everything and I feel helpless 2000 miles away.

    I am praying for shifting winds, cooler weather and rain – also for safety for those risking their lives to save Colirado and for those who are in harms way. I am so proud of the way neighbor is helping neighbor and my son is embracing his masculinity and protecting our family.

    Thank you all for your prayers, positive thoughts and good wishes.

    Tuesday, 26 June 2012 @ 11:08pm

  331. 331: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    damn my old best friend got married to a dude (he cheated on her and she was so in love – she left him and i guess went back and now they have a baby and got married in december)

    i introduced them

    i dont talk to her anymore

    i feel a bit sad about that

    aww

    but some of the comments i read on her page show me that we not on the same pages

    she made a comment about “she deserved everything bad that ahppend to her” aobut a movie thing

    and that feels bad to me

    i feel jealous to be excluded tho

    i feel jealous shes married and

    she finished her degree

    well maybe less of that tho i am impressed

    she has this lvoely life now and its all without me…

    and shes probably really close by too!

    Tuesday, 26 June 2012 @ 11:12pm

  332. 332: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    wow they got rings too!

    Tuesday, 26 June 2012 @ 11:16pm

  333. 333: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    ANd they all friendly with my other x best friend who married my boyfriend

    and this best friend was the one who was so advocating not being friends with that girl wow and now

    thats what make me pist n feel turned off

    hmmmf

    Tuesday, 26 June 2012 @ 11:19pm

  334. 334: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    now im suppose to marry guywho to keep it all in the fam as my plan was origainally…

    Tuesday, 26 June 2012 @ 11:19pm

  335. 335: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i wanted to take my friends from Old city to New city and have them meet guys from New City

    now my bros and girls are all hooked up and im left out tho wow

    what if i really do reconnect w guy who?

    Tuesday, 26 June 2012 @ 11:38pm

  336. 336: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    im still a queen right?

    my dreams are still coming true?

    im still Daria

    Tuesday, 26 June 2012 @ 11:42pm

  337. 337: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    well i just found that California is named for queen Califia :)

    Tuesday, 26 June 2012 @ 11:48pm

  338. 338: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    (((((Colorado Sirens)))))

    Wednesday, 27 June 2012 @ 12:00am

  339. 339: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    thanks siren song

    Wednesday, 27 June 2012 @ 12:01am

  340. 340: boasgirlNo Gravatar says:

    yesterday i met with mr. ex – i’ve been so eager to, and yes, i’ve been chasing him, and yes, he had noticed and he was acting annoyed, saying mean things to me, being emotionally distant.

    i guess i have pushed him away again, like so many times before, when we were together.

    i don’t know how i managed to believe that he would be different as a friend, now that we don’t have sex -
    or that i would be different -less clingy – i guess i am less desperate – i feel less desperate, but i also guess he can smell my desperation – what i still have left of it …

    and then he told me he’s interested in this girl – she’s in Israel (he’s from there also), and he had something going on with her like 6 years ago, before he met me 5 years ago.

    the funny thing is that i had a feeling that this had happened -that he was interested in her again -
    it’s weird, because he hasn’t mentioned her much, only in the beginning he told me about her, and i asked about her a couple of times -
    but i guess i had a feeling

    and now i feel so sad,
    but not hopeless
    i also feel kind of happy i don’t have to deal with his mood swings
    i don’t have to deal with his resistance to commitment
    with his sexual past (involving prostitutes¨
    with his herpes (!)

    oh my goodness, what a life …
    but i feel scared to -that i will end up alone -
    i so miss a man to hold me
    i so miss a best friend to curl up to at night
    i feel fragile
    i feel hopeful

    Wednesday, 27 June 2012 @ 12:24am

  341. 341: boasgirlNo Gravatar says:

    (((Daria)))

    and thank you, Tam!

    (((Starla))) Wishing for rain where you are!

    Wednesday, 27 June 2012 @ 12:53am

  342. 342: RebeccaNo Gravatar says:

    Morning sirens ~ I feel so overwelmed today. I am going away at the weekend and I have sooo much to do? Why do I always have so much to do??

    I feel so unmotivated…

    I feel down…

    Wednesday, 27 June 2012 @ 1:30am

  343. 343: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    omg ! :D i texted this whole response about i feel more romantic when a guy is in charge of paying to the WRONG guy!

    and he didnt catch on lol :)

    Wednesday, 27 June 2012 @ 1:37am

  344. 344: boasgirlNo Gravatar says:

    Daria, ha-ha :)

    Wednesday, 27 June 2012 @ 2:07am

  345. 345: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    so the guy who was comin to see me tonite decided not to cuz its too dangerous for him without tags and no license

    (how the hell was he driving before then?)

    and earlier i was crying and asked him to come see me and hes like yeah im gona hurry up and come see u

    i kinda got mean and passive agressive w him (oops i do that a lot w him)

    blah

    well i feel pist

    like wtf hes always talkin about coming to see me and hasnt

    he use to really be there for me at first and now it dont feel like that anymore

    Wednesday, 27 June 2012 @ 2:17am

  346. 346: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    (((boasgirl)))

    Wednesday, 27 June 2012 @ 2:17am

  347. 347: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    great now hes writing:

    “you dont be wanting to treat me like you want me to be your man and that be turning me off”

    gee willikers perfect FM minus the feeling part im like uhhh

    actually i was treating u like that

    Wednesday, 27 June 2012 @ 2:25am

  348. 348: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i dont know what to answer him

    I feel… mad?

    I feel… devastated and alone?

    thank u for letting me know?

    Wednesday, 27 June 2012 @ 2:28am

  349. 349: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    how about not answering

    i dont even kno if i want to really talk to him anymore

    Wednesday, 27 June 2012 @ 2:29am

  350. 350: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    in the past, i did push him back and tell him i just wwant to be friends

    but this isnt the case now

    right now i was jus feelin mad and attakced him

    and also, he said he would come, and didnt. when i was upset.

    another man i think i would hella drop for that.

    if i had self esteem

    which i many times do

    Wednesday, 27 June 2012 @ 2:31am

  351. 351: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    mmm
    maybe i jus wont say anything

    maybe thats his cop out

    Wednesday, 27 June 2012 @ 2:33am

  352. 352: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    all i said was

    “i feel mad”

    Wednesday, 27 June 2012 @ 2:41am

  353. 353: EsteemedNo Gravatar says:

    I got the kittens cared for yesterday at a vet. The whole thing felt miraculous: the emergency vet taking delayed payment, R taking his entire day to drive around and take the kittens (he drove out half a tank of gas running all over the place).

    I only got to enjoy actual time with him on the way to and from work, but it felt so marvelous to see him after not seeing him since February! There was a lot of confusion over directions, because our plan changed, and he didn’t have a GPS, driving on strange roads. He did an amazing job following directions that I texted him off mapquest.

    What touched me most was his utter kindness in taking a day to take 3 sick little kittens to the vet, when everyone else was telling me it wasn’t worth the money. He gave me little bits of encouragement every so often. I saw a level of gentleness to his heart that was astounding. He has grown so much, and I have grown so much, and I cherished every moment I spent with him!

    Wednesday, 27 June 2012 @ 2:44am

  354. 354: FrancescaNo Gravatar says:

    (((Colorado Sirens)))

    Wish I could send you some of the rain that’s been falling non stop here for two days.

    Wednesday, 27 June 2012 @ 3:05am

  355. 355: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    ((((((((Starla)))))))))). ((((((((@amelala))))))))))

    ((((((((Flowerchild))))))))). (((((((Jeannette))))))))))

    (((((((((((Slippin Goddess)))))))))). (((((CocoKissess))

    Wednesday, 27 June 2012 @ 4:02am

  356. 356: LindaNo Gravatar says:

    #310 Goldenflower says:

    I have gone from feeling rejected and abandoned to understanding that he just cannot give at all,

    I understand this. I lived it. THe only word I would change in this sentence is Cannot. It is my belief that they can give, just wont.

    I do want a giver. I have learned the art of receiving, though I enjoy giving too. Just not to a person who never reciprocates. I become disinterested and taken for granted, resentment follows closely behind. I will talk about it but if nothing changes… I then loose respect. It is quite a slippery slope.

    THe more I peel back my heart and dive into my soup of feelings. The more I am discovering about me. Being out of my situation I have more clarity too. A sense of calm it begining to emerge.

    I thought last night as I went to bed. Shame on you EX… you took advantage of my giving good nature. I did only good for you. I loved you in spite of your flaws. i have twinges of feeling sick when I think he is probably seeing, talking or sleeping with someone else now, but then I remember he is NO PRIZE. I was miserable with him and he is not ignoring me while he sits on the other end of my sofa. I feel sorry for the next notch on his belt.

    ((( me)))

    Linda

    Wednesday, 27 June 2012 @ 4:09am

  357. 357: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    wow so this guy basically got me thinking that this could be good

    that airing emotions is acutally healthy and healing

    and me howling and cryng and subsequent parent huge argument is good an on the path to healing

    i feel sad and also i want to believe in this and i will

    Wednesday, 27 June 2012 @ 4:13am

  358. 358: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    aww Esteemed… that feels touching that you care about the kittens and sad that ppl are telling u its not worth it

    soudn lovely that R was helping u with it

    Wednesday, 27 June 2012 @ 4:14am

  359. 359: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Esteemed, that is ‘wow’. A sad situation and your knight in shining armour comes through….nevermind about past and future…that is a touching story.

    Wednesday, 27 June 2012 @ 4:37am

  360. 360: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Dear Daria

    Hi friend. Thanks for being here. Thanks for listening.

    I feel so …, overwhelmed n dazed w these men, none get this dating thing ‘right’ and I still feel lonely.

    Perhaps don’t use them as company u say? date only? Hmm

    Well I bet tomorrow afternoon is no longer showing.

    This guy who say he love u mite not either.

    So who is goin to? Likely no one…

    And that’s ok. I can plan for that. No man plan for today.

    But that doesn’t feel fun ;(

    Not sure I want that… Hmmm

    I want smoke m companionship

    Wednesday, 27 June 2012 @ 5:00am

  361. 361: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Love u d.

    Wednesday, 27 June 2012 @ 5:01am

  362. 362: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    I am beautiful. I am beauty. I love my body. I get to love it, it is mine.

    Wednesday, 27 June 2012 @ 5:32am

  363. 363: RebeccaNo Gravatar says:

    Hi sirens ~ I feel stuck between a rock and a hard place… Hmmm…. This whole ‘being authentic’ but not being blamey and ranty etc… How is this done??

    Sometimes I feel I am being so careful all the time..

    With this one guy, my neighbour, I feel like I don’t know what to say to him. My heart likes him but my mind is not so sure. He has let me down quite a few times but he will always be soooo charming about it. I feel like I want to yell at him as I feel so confused.. But then I will look like the bad guy.

    My other option is to walk away I guess but then that feels like closing the door, and I ‘may’ be wrong about him?!… Interesting…

    Wednesday, 27 June 2012 @ 5:55am

  364. 364: RebeccaNo Gravatar says:

    I feel unsure whether to speak to him..

    I feel unsure whether to just cut my loses and ignore him..

    Hmm… Why am I feeling like this? Am i cross and unhappy because he is not giving me more… Yes. I guess i am…

    I feel unsure about walking away because secretly i want him to run after me, and rescue me. And i feel sad thinking that this won’t happen… He doesn’t even want to be friends with me.

    I think he already has tons of friends so i guess he’s thinking whats the point if another friend?? He also has loads of women after him apparently… Hmmm, i feel jealous, i feel sad… U wanted to have a connection with him… I feel pushed to the back of the line… Actually not even in the line… I am sad and low… I am nowhere… It is that classic case of pining for somwbody who doesn’t want us… I could imagine him being soooo smug about it too… He would have very little sympathy for me… He’s never asked how I am – or shown an interest in my life.. Talk about sending me a message that he’s not interested… Bstard… I’m sure he’s loving that I’m upset – what kind of man does that to a woman???…

    Wednesday, 27 June 2012 @ 6:03am

  365. 365: LilibeeNo Gravatar says:

    (((Colorado sirens))),

    I’m sending rainy vibes your way.

    Wednesday, 27 June 2012 @ 6:03am

  366. 366: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    I did something very unlike me – I decided to skip the gym this morning. I usually go 5 days a week, but I feel very tired and sore and inspired to relax in bed for the next hour instead of work out.

    I also noticed my body seemed like it was about to get sick for the last week or so. My throat is always sore and my lungs feel heavy and my lymph nodes under my jaw are swelling a bit. And then I remembered that it’s the smoke from the fires! So I am going to give it a rest today. I am blessed to have “cured” my asthma, but I don’t want to push it.

    Wednesday, 27 June 2012 @ 6:10am

  367. 367: RebeccaNo Gravatar says:

    I love my pining…

    I love my feelings…

    Wednesday, 27 June 2012 @ 6:12am

  368. 368: Jessie1000No Gravatar says:

    Esteemed
    So glad to see that ur kittens will be cared for and that you have good friends to help you

    Sometimes a great guy friend is better than a boyfriend because there is no looming break up and then the bf is gone.

    I need more guy friends than boyfriends.

    A good guy friend can give the best advice about sex too. They just know you so well and see all the weaknesses.

    You deserve some happiness!

    Kisses

    Wednesday, 27 June 2012 @ 6:27am

  369. 369: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Feeling piney also…and weepy and just want to reach out to a man, and break the NC with Mr U…but no. I won’t and I am feeling sad about that too. It feels like I have given up. I feel like giving up – and I feel like giving up on love.
    I don’t really want anyone else, and he is not available, and even the good guys that I don’t want either are poofing right now….I am fed up and so I am going to love myself.

    Wednesday, 27 June 2012 @ 6:48am

  370. 370: Jessie1000No Gravatar says:

    The Work by Byron Katie….

    (From Rori – I had to delete this comment because it was a great portion of Byron Katie’s work and would infringe on copyright and not be okay for me to print it…I don’t have the direct link…but if you google “Byron Katie” you’ll find some great stuff.)

    “Try this…….”

    Wednesday, 27 June 2012 @ 7:06am

  371. 371: turquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Colorado Sirens…. my heart goes out to you. So sorry.

    Esteemed, sweet story! i’m glad that worked out for you. :)

    Tam, I don’t know…. guess I’ll have to see, maybe take it another 30 days at a time? THat would keep me from getting to far ahead of myself for sure. Think it would affect my vibe too… keep me in a better frame of mind. So, we’ll see,

    No reply from S to my good luck, take care texts…. but I didn’t expect one. His loss. Moving on.

    Mr. Conversation came over for dinner at 7 and stayed until 2:30. We talked the entire time…. about all kinds of things, a lot about our lives, our kids, families, but even some wishes and dreams. It was interesting. I asked him some guy questions too…. feel like I”m getting insider information.

    He said men pull away because they feel the woman wants way more after sex (potential loss of freedom)

    and this was the harder one to swallow…. the reason most men come back, (of course this is just in his opinion as a 35 year old man) is that men tend to have low self esteem, and they leave the relationship for whatever reason thinking they’ll meet someone else, but that they do get lonely and want someone, so they look back at the women they have dated, and figure you liked them once, you probably will again. So they give it another shot.

    So, that kind of put it in perspective to me about giving guys another shot. Yeah, it’s nice to be warm and friendly, but that doesn’t necessarily mean they get what they want, when they want… just because they do. I believe I’d have higher expectations thinking of it from their perspective. Thinking of it as, oh they missed me, realize what they lost, that feels more romantic and hopeful, than…. this low self esteem man didn’t find the grass greener on the other side, so now he’s coming back.

    Wednesday, 27 June 2012 @ 7:35am

  372. 372: turquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    I’ve never been successful at keeping guy friends, and I’d be hesitant to date Conversation, because potentially, unless one of us would move… we are going to run into each other a lot. Our girls are in the same grade, cheerleading, girl scouts… if we cross that line and date and it doesn’t go well, could make life a lot more difficult or at least uncomfortable. He always hugs me goodbye, but he’s really tall, and it’s not a melt into you kinda hug. No kissing, even though he likes to flirt and talk about it.

    He’s really self motivated, a lot like my ex actually…. but I think he might be in my life to not only help each other out with the kids and household stuff ( :) ) , but to help me get my candy business up and off the ground. He does amazing websites, knows how to get them ranked at the top of google… it’s very impressive.

    At the top of my bucket list is to have my name recorded in history somewhere public. Not just to my family…. but to be successful at something like getting a children’s book published, or a self help book for women recovering from divorce… or to have one of my photos win a competition or for my candy business to take off and even locally, be a success. I’m not a real self motivated person. I have all these great ideas, but I don’t push myself to find them. I think being around him might help me do that.

    One of the things I like so much about my journey with the blog, is just how much more aware I am. How much more I want to know about myself, about other people… my surroundings, why things are the way the are… where I can go from here. It’s an amazing feeling to find that in myself now, that curiousity and awareness. I feel more awake to life. Make sense?

    Wednesday, 27 June 2012 @ 7:45am

  373. 373: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Turquoise – very interesting insight into men’s minds…I figured as much about the men coming back to give it another shot….sad but true.

    I believe that if they don’t feel like committing to a woman first time around, but they know she has a soft spot for them, they will go for it in times of loneliness..for sure. Sometimes we do too.

    In the words of a good male friend of mine: ‘men are weak and they’ll take what’s on offer’. If they get an offer, it’s better than no offer, but that doesn’t mean they want more.
    That is a bitter pill to swallow for me too, very bitter, as I had convinced myself MrU kept coming back to me because he was in love with me…now I am not so sure. I was just convenient, the girl who would jump when he shouted (well, not so much in the last year)…the girl who was there when he needed female company to show off and so on.

    I believe he has feelings for me but they are not strong enough for more….sooo he keeps looking and when he realises he doesn’t find anyone better, or nobody else puts up with some of his issues, and I am available in Florida – he will always run to me. Without fail. 2 years now. It will go on forever which is why I have to stop it now.
    And he keeps insinuating he wants a relationship but not follow through…same game every time, a little more effort from him every time, so I think things have changed when they haven’t.
    It’s just not healthy anymore, I am exhausted….yet it is so hard to stay away.
    Urgh. It will be ok.

    Wednesday, 27 June 2012 @ 7:55am

  374. 374: turquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Oh Tam…. I can relate. I was hopeful my ex husband and I could reconcile. He has done a lot of wonderful things for me and our girls over the last year, but didn’t mean he wanted to get back together. It was a hard pill to swallow, but I feel good that I put myself out there, I tried… and won’t have any regrets or wonder what if. It’s time to move forward. I like that better than move on. I’m moving forward. :) HUgs to you!

    Wednesday, 27 June 2012 @ 8:01am

  375. 375: turquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    I do believe though, that people make mistakes, or get mad and leave a relationship because of the circumstance. And that in time, people can grow and change and be a better fit. I do really believe that. But these guys who poof early on, aren’t even giving it a chance to get serious, so not sure I believe those guys are coming back for any other reason than they are lonely.

    Wednesday, 27 June 2012 @ 8:07am

  376. 376: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    I feel depressed and lonely and I’m thinking, on one hand, I can learn to provide myself comfort…

    But on the other hand, I don’t think it’s natural. I think I’m meant to be in a village where I am held and told everything is going to be okay. I don’t have that in my life anymore, and the only time I have it is when a man is interested in me.

    So… am I screwed? Do I need depression medication? I feel lonely and just need hugs.

    Wednesday, 27 June 2012 @ 8:23am

  377. 377: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    I actually started considering moving to lame central Florida to be closer to my grandma, because there’s an unlimited source of comfort and hugs there. But my mom lives with her, and have you ever been to central Florida? lol that place sucks

    Wednesday, 27 June 2012 @ 8:27am

  378. 378: charlotteNo Gravatar says:

    Rori, i purchased your ebook, Have The Relationship You Want. I read it again today. I lean more each time I read it. I need some advice. I have been searching everything i can about relationships on the net. I have done everything wrong, I have done it all! And now my boyfriend has gone back to an old girlfriend he had in Indiana. We had a long distant relationship and he went back there to work with his dad. Supposedly to work and make money to go back to NC to get a place for us. Anyway it would take to long to tell it all. But he didn’t even end it with me first. I found out from his bestfriend in NC. I then called him on it and he still tried to lie. Needless to say I found out for sure in the cruelest of ways. I said what I had to say and changed my number. This was 2 weeks ago yesterday. Sunday a week ago he e-mailed me to get my address to send some money he owed me. Nothing personal. I know his mom has my address. I did get weak and e-mailed him on wednesday, brief and light about letting me know if he got my address. Rori, I am in the process of reinventing myself, losing weight, working on the inside, etc. I have read alot on the net about break ups and trying to get my ex back but i think you are “right on” about it all. What I need to know is what to do now. I love him and i really believe that he loves me but I know I did all those things you mentioned in your book. I have not contacted him, begged or pleaded and as I said I changed my number. now ehat do I do. I would love to buy all your books but I cannot buy any at this time. If you could just tell me if I need to not contact him for a while till I get myself completely together or if I need to talk to him. All the others say NO CONTACT, let him come to you. but I changed my number so what do i do. Please help……………

    Wednesday, 27 June 2012 @ 8:37am

  379. 379: SophieNo Gravatar says:

    Hugs Starla – I’ve not commented for ages but I have been reading when I can and I always notice what you say as our relationships ended at moreorless the same time – it isn’t easy and every day I am getting by and getting through but I’m also getting stronger I’m sure and think about toxic ex a lot less but still like you say today I feel sad and depressed and lonely. I find it very very very difficult after being in a relationship not being able to make love with anyone and I feel hornyA LOT! But… I can’t just sleep with anyone it feels bad to me and my sexulaity is ll bound up with my ex and I know that he is sleeping with other people and then I feel sooooo sad – I cry (only a little bit) most days. I am dating but feeling stressed and anxious as I am not meeting anyone I want to date (like my ex) and I want a radical change of life new city new job new everything but don’t know how to get there – it feels rarrrrrrrrrr to feel so unsatisfied all the time. I don’t want him back because of how it became and how he was (though i still want what we had when it was good :() I feel SAD :(

    Wednesday, 27 June 2012 @ 8:37am

  380. 380: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    (((((((((sophie)))))))

    Wednesday, 27 June 2012 @ 8:38am

  381. 381: SophieNo Gravatar says:

    and i feel angry that I am single again and going through it all agin :( and I feel so disappointed :(

    Wednesday, 27 June 2012 @ 8:44am

  382. 382: GoldenflowerNo Gravatar says:

    372: turquoise
    “He said men pull away because they feel the woman wants way more after sex (potential loss of freedom)

    and this was the harder one to swallow…. the reason most men come back, (of course this is just in his opinion as a 35 year old man) is that men tend to have low self esteem, and they leave the relationship for whatever reason thinking they’ll meet someone else, but that they do get lonely and want someone, so they look back at the women they have dated, and figure you liked them once, you probably will again. So they give it another shot. ”

    Aaaargh, i hate these reasons, how come men get away with being so selfish. I have spent the last two years wishing I had a male perspective on things, that I wdnt feel so attached so easily, the wonders of the female brain. I’m not so sure it serves us as well as we would want. As I see it mostly women do see the positives in any connection and try at making the best of things, improving and fixing I guess. I wonder if men are just born with this natural self esteem, self serving approach or if the fact that it is still a mans world, where men have more power economically and physically. Or if its women who are socialised to undermine themselves from birth and be givers. I am all for the third way, all for building up our own self esteem and choosing, being selective on what i want. Not making do and mending. I will not settle for people who do not value me. The sex issue is one I am also struggling with. After sleeping with the last person too early i then stopped for a while and slowed things down. then he dumped me anyway for other reasons entirely. But essentially the problem is while I can have the restraint to say no for as long as I decide to, when I am around a guy I like then the same sex hormones are triggered anyway, so the same feelings of bonding and attachment come about with or without full sex. Screwed if you dont screwed if you do, wee joke there folks!!!
    But after the last person, I decided to avoid sex and make the man wait for it a long time, so that if nothing else, I know he will value the expereince more than if I make it too easy for him. Any feedback welcome sirens.
    Just heard about Colorado, so so sorry to hear this, blessings to all those affected. xx

    Wednesday, 27 June 2012 @ 8:45am

  383. 383: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    I feel terrified of what life is bringing to me. I know it will be big and wonderful things, and I feel terrified. I just want CF back and I want my little mundane life to stay the same. I feel like cowering. I want to stay small.

    Wednesday, 27 June 2012 @ 8:47am

  384. 384: lkNo Gravatar says:

    oh, it’s so nice to read thoughts of rain & i love our rainy season & i want a good rain that falls soft & steady. gentle on the earth & penetrating deep to fill our aquifers…… deep basins…..

    last night i could see flames across our valley, coming up against the ridge… but the whole thing moved away & it looks far & small today….

    cd & i had one of our special beers & watched a show & we were joking around, taking turns sneaking glances out the window at the smoke… but earlier, when i came home, he was packing up an emergency bag & saying, your man will take care of you.

    his voice roughened up telling me a secret, & i agreed…

    i keep practicing the good feelings & really i’m improving : ) i increase reps & sets… i’m a happiness-builder. i’m a smile-builder ! i’m entirely pleased human. i’m grateful & giving. i’m never guilty or blaming. i forget the whole concept of transgression and of forgiveness. then of authority. then of time. then of “life”. then of & all concepts goodbye just byebye

    he asked me this morning are you happy ? & i said i’m working on it & said, well, like someone says, if this isn’t good, what’s good?

    & i was just thinking…. well… when i really really really really really act from my power, that will be good. & the good way to let myself do that is to stop hating on myself : ) love love love to me & everyone & everything.

    he says he thinks i think too much. aw jeez. i think…… well, i exhibit strong patterns of abnormality & i see them & i intend to not sweat them & go about my normal business & when i start to have the Catastrophe thoughts & the BowDownToGodsofMen thoughts…. i just say byebye! i have to go do what i want now, thank you : ) i have to go practice being ecstatically happy & in love ! : )))

    we didn’t even sleep in the tent last night, just out plain on the porch with blankets. there are things i want that i can’t put my finger on. the grasping. the plain old grasping from the inside rope-like hands coming out through my heart…. mathematically “true” as well…

    Wednesday, 27 June 2012 @ 8:48am

  385. 385: SophieNo Gravatar says:

    Goldenflower i have felt the same – wishing I could have more of a male perspective – like with my ex saying that he’s seeing this new person who he doesn’t have any feelings for. And I feel so angry that he can do that and not have to face his demons or his loss or be alone whereas I do because I have to have feelings for the person who i choose to be in a relationship with – infact dating men that i don;t ahve feelings for makes me feel very anxious and empty. QAlso he was able to sleep around, another thing i couldn’t do because if I sleep with men like that I don’t feel good I feel used :( and left :( and I’m trying to find the positive spin but i don’t know where it is – the positive spin is all about trying not to feel so sad and lost until I really feel positive again which is great but also gets exhausting sometimes. Starla – maybe I feel afraid too I don’t know where I’m going and I feel lost – and also with toxic ex or with men I love their hugs make me feel safe.

    Wednesday, 27 June 2012 @ 8:55am

  386. 386: turquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    I hear you Goldenflower… it still seems like way tooo much is in their court. And when guys have told me why they want to be in relationships, it’s not for the same reasons as us…. they are tired of being alone and want regular sex. Wow, so wonderful and feeling there! And they want the girl that is the least psycho…. because we are all crazy to them. So unfair.

    Wednesday, 27 June 2012 @ 8:56am

  387. 387: SophieNo Gravatar says:

    Ik – I’m a happiness builder I like that :) I am trying to do that these days with more understanding and conviction than I ever have before :)

    Wednesday, 27 June 2012 @ 8:57am

  388. 388: lkNo Gravatar says:

    omg i was thinking if i really wrote everything down……….. if i really really really did. & then i know also that i will & so that’s exciting too… “but how ? ” idk,lk. i want a really heavy book & a secret secret way to share.

    : )))))) yayyyy

    Wednesday, 27 June 2012 @ 8:57am

  389. 389: turquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Starla,

    Why do you want CF back? What kind of man treats someone they love(d) like this? He is being cruel to you. What would happen if you were together and something bad happened, like an illness or a job loss, or a disabled child?

    I want a strong man who doesn’t walk away. I want a rock. Someone I know is committed to a future together. Not these wishy washy guys who poof and disappear just because they feel like something better may be ou there. I’m done with these men. Just hope I can spot them before it’s too late and I get attached.

    Wednesday, 27 June 2012 @ 9:01am

  390. 390: JillyNo Gravatar says:

    My honey is coming home tonight!! I feel so happy and excited and I slept soooo good!!

    ((((Colorado)))

    yes this is a big fire season already :/ I feel so relieved I am not a firefighter anymore.

    (((((firefighters))))

    Wednesday, 27 June 2012 @ 9:18am

  391. 391: JillyNo Gravatar says:

    ((((turquoise))))

    Wednesday, 27 June 2012 @ 9:20am

  392. 392: Rori RayeNo Gravatar says:

    Charlotte – he has your address. Forget him, move on. That’s going to be everyone’s best advice. Working to dislodge your feelings from him by getting out there and living your life is where your work is. Love, Rori

    Wednesday, 27 June 2012 @ 9:28am

  393. 393: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    my coworker’s house just burned to the ground:(

    ((((((((((coworker)))))))

    Wednesday, 27 June 2012 @ 9:28am

  394. 394: turquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks Jilly ((((jilly)))) SO happy your man is coming home and that you are so happy.

    Wednesday, 27 June 2012 @ 9:28am

  395. 395: Rori RayeNo Gravatar says:

    Jessie – Welcome, and thank you so much for the comment and Byron Katie’s work – and it would violate copyright and ethics for me to print s much of someone else’s work. Would you like to simply provide a link to this great article? Love, Rori

    Wednesday, 27 June 2012 @ 9:30am

  396. 396: turquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Oh Starla’s coworker…. :(

    Wednesday, 27 June 2012 @ 9:35am

  397. 397: TamNo Gravatar says:

    391 – Turquise: well said!

    Wednesday, 27 June 2012 @ 9:38am

  398. 398: BrandylionNo Gravatar says:

    Starla, #378: I feel exactly the same way.

    (((Starla)))
    (((me)))

    Wednesday, 27 June 2012 @ 9:41am

  399. 399: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    wow, my dad contacted me and asked me if I wanted to do a father/daughter duet with him at a talent show. and I sat here and balled my eyes out. I feel so confused. I feel sad and surprised and angry and scared and curious that he would want to sing with me, since he knows how much singing means to me, but I feel scared to tell him. and I have no idea what song to sing with him that wouldn’t make me overly emotional. helpppppp. I feel shaky…

    Wednesday, 27 June 2012 @ 9:42am

  400. 400: TamNo Gravatar says:

    I just had a little lift…..awwww…an ex bf from almost 20 years ago, saw me jogging earlier and he sent me a little text messsage to say he was looking at a beautiful runner and as he passed with his car realised it was me….aww aww aww.
    And that is a really good guy, he is now married with two kids, lovely wife etc.
    ((((((good guys))))))))

    Wednesday, 27 June 2012 @ 9:44am

  401. 401: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    I dunno, Turquoise, I guess that was the best relationship I ever had and I am scared of all the ways I messed it up, and I’m also scared of anything better as I guess I don’t feel like I deserve it or maybe it doesn’t even exist? I’m losing faith.

    Wednesday, 27 June 2012 @ 9:47am

  402. 402: turquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Awww Starla. :( Go to a pet store and pet kitties and puppies. Always makes me feel better.

    Wednesday, 27 June 2012 @ 9:54am

  403. 403: turquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Seriously not sure what C is thinking. This new girl he’s dating, her cat has a fb page, and the “cat” writes to him and he is replying, with her mom commenting each time, saying she loves him even though she hasn’t met him yet.

    I really am happy if he’s happy, but this is over the top. I really need to figure out how to take him out of my news feed. But at least it’s commical. Waiting for our daughter to catch on, she will be doing some major eye rolling! lol.

    Wednesday, 27 June 2012 @ 9:56am

  404. 404: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Turquoise, find him in your news feed, click in the top right of it, if you hover there you’ll see a menu you can pull down, and unsubscribe. this keeps his posts out of your feed without unfriending.

    Wednesday, 27 June 2012 @ 10:03am

  405. 405: turquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Let’s see if I can do it from my phone…. thanks Starla!

    Wednesday, 27 June 2012 @ 10:04am

  406. 406: SunshineNo Gravatar says:

    I feel weird and a little worried for myself. theres a nice guy who is very overcomplimentary toward me and I just feel so incredibly annoyed. I wonder whats wrong with me? why cant I like him? am i destined to a jerk? I hope not. this guy and I are musicians and our first rehearsal he didnt want to play he said that he was nervous because I am such a good player…I felt frustrated because he is also a great player. He said I have even a better ear than him…then he called right now to say how great I am and how much better of a musician I am than him and then he said he would like to hang out. He keeps calling me from different numbers first his cousin’s phone then his dad’s phone because hes running out of minutes which is weird because I keep seeing these unknown numbers (hes 28), and lives with his parents. I just want some confidence and manhood…is this too much to ask? why do I feel guilty that Im not interested? and I feel so annoyed by him at this point…

    Wednesday, 27 June 2012 @ 10:07am

  407. 407: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    sunshine, just because they’re nice to us doesn’t mean they’re “good guys” for us. I’m guessing you don’t want a man who lives with his parents and can’t keep his own phone and puts himself down to attempt to win your favor. Don’t be scared to say no to that guy. It doesn’t mean you’ll only get jerks instead. Say no to make room for what you do want.

    At the same time, do receive his compliments. It’s good practice. You deserve it.

    Wednesday, 27 June 2012 @ 10:13am

  408. 408: SunshineNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks Starla! It feels good to hear this…yeah its just weird he also says that he is so so sorry to bother me and says it many times during his call lol..no way not into him. I sometimes just feel worried and some pressure because Im in the child bearing years and well…I start to panic. However everything in God’s plan, and may I continue to learn and ask for what is the best…not a better person, but a better person for me:) I know that I want someone who is kind and sensitive, without sacrificing confidence

    Wednesday, 27 June 2012 @ 10:17am

  409. 409: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Sunshine, may I ask how old you are? I’m 27 and I start to feel that pressure too now.

    Wednesday, 27 June 2012 @ 10:21am

  410. 410: SunshineNo Gravatar says:

    Iamabutterfly, wow well from an outsider i feel nice reading about your dad wanting to sing with you but of course I dont know your history as to your shaky feelings about it. Lately I have been trying to connect more with my dad and practice loving honesty even with not so pleasant conversations…Ive been feeling somewhat suprized by his receptive attitude which feels great. I do it because of course i love my dad but also because I want to clearup any resentment or negative feelings toward him, it will improve my present and future male relationships.
    Anyway food for thought hope you do what feels best wether singing with him or taking some more time.

    Wednesday, 27 June 2012 @ 10:24am

  411. 411: SunshineNo Gravatar says:

    Starla sure, Im 29. Yeah the pressure sometimes feels anxiety inducing. I feel a battle inside that I gotta find someone asap, and another feeling of resistance because I like my independance and I also want to make sure I meet someone that I am compatible with and marriage material. Sigh Im so freaking confused

    Wednesday, 27 June 2012 @ 10:27am

  412. 412: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Girl, I decided to give myself until 35 to panic. And even then, I would make a great foster mom or adopted mom. I tell myself slow down, don’t worry. I think our worry is actually REPELLING what we desire.

    Wednesday, 27 June 2012 @ 10:31am

  413. 413: TamNo Gravatar says:

    405 – Turquoise, that made me laugh….about the cat and the mother commenting….I mean, really! ;)

    Wednesday, 27 June 2012 @ 10:32am

  414. 414: SunshineNo Gravatar says:

    Starla haha amen ta that…sometimes its outside pressure too like friends, family sigh… regardless im not desperate enough to give mr. Im sorry to bother you a try lol

    Wednesday, 27 June 2012 @ 10:52am

  415. 415: LindaNo Gravatar says:

    Turquoises said:

    I want a strong man who doesn’t walk away. I want a rock. Someone I know is committed to a future together. Not these wishy washy guys who poof and disappear just because they feel like something better may be ou there. I’m done with these men.

    MEEE TOO!

    Linda

    Wednesday, 27 June 2012 @ 10:54am

  416. 416: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    yeah, my best friend got married and pregnant within the scope of a couple of half a year.

    And I’m meeting couples where the girl is just a total wreck and I wonder why I’m somehow not good enough? It’s almost like I’d have better luck if I just threw caution to the wind and acted like a totally jealous psycho.

    Wednesday, 27 June 2012 @ 10:55am

  417. 417: TamNo Gravatar says:

    418…nah Starla, you don’t want to be like that. I have a friend who just can’t be alone, so she clings to whichever man she has for dear life….it is soooo not where we want to be, imagine the stress…
    Yeah, they strangely stay with her, however, she could never cope on her own – and just knowing that, would drive me crazy.
    I want a man to add to my life not to be the sole purpose of…
    makes no sense to be with someone when I can have a better time by myself…we are too good for that I believe. No drama, no poofing etc.

    Wednesday, 27 June 2012 @ 11:01am

  418. 418: CalypsoNo Gravatar says:

    After churning through 3 POF CD’s last week, I’m now talking via POF email to 3 more. I have a date with one tomorrow night and all 3 are asking what i am doing this weekend. I actually have to work this weekend, which is rare. Why do they come in 3′s? I’m getting their names confused . . .

    Wednesday, 27 June 2012 @ 11:11am

  419. 419: siren songNo Gravatar says:

    ugh. just saw guy who loves me twice in an hour. we are pretending we don’t know each other. it feels so awkward and my chest feels fluttery when i see him. my heart feels like it’s closing down.

    we love each other so much, but he is so angry. it feels overwhelming. he told our mutual friend the other day that he is still in love with me.

    today, right now, all i want to do is hang out with him. i miss his body.

    BUT: he’s dating other women and the past few exchanges we’ve had were terrible, hurtful and i made the choice to block his texts. now i am clinging to stupid emails that he sends with no text.

    i feel so pathetic. maybe i made a huge mistake. i feel panicked.

    i hate this feeling. feeling so hung up on someone who doesn’t want a life with me.

    this feels terrible. when i saw him on sunday he seemed super-unattractive. now i feel all crazy about him again.

    arg

    Wednesday, 27 June 2012 @ 11:37am

  420. 420: MelNo Gravatar says:

    420, Calypso

    LOL, that’s funny! After I separated from my ex and stated dating again, ALL of my CDs had names that started with “J.” Two of them even had the same name. And I also noticed the groupings of 3.

    Wednesday, 27 June 2012 @ 11:40am

  421. 421: siren songNo Gravatar says:

    also, he walked into a store where i was shopping, saw me and turned around and left immediately.

    that felt awful.

    Wednesday, 27 June 2012 @ 11:41am

  422. 422: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Turquoise I am waiting to hear when he starts vomiting. It seems she is gorging him with what might be a good thing but no matter how much we love chocolate having too much can make us sick. I grew up with a saying “too much of one thing is good for nothing”.

    Wednesday, 27 June 2012 @ 11:43am

  423. 423: MelNo Gravatar says:

    I had so much trouble keeping them straight, that I had a “first date” outfit, “second date” outfit, etc. so I would be sure not to wear the same thing twice. It almost got to the point where I needed a spreadsheet to keep track of everyone…

    name:
    age:
    eye color:
    hair color:
    distinguishing features:

    There should be an ap for that…. ;)

    Wednesday, 27 June 2012 @ 11:44am

  424. 424: TamNo Gravatar says:

    FW – lol, and so right!! Sounds like the honeymoon period…

    Wednesday, 27 June 2012 @ 11:46am

  425. 425: CalypsoNo Gravatar says:

    Mel – Lol – I know! As soon as i get their phone numbers I copy a pic of them from POF to my computer and email it to my phone to assign as a contact, which helps a lot, but I only have on of their numbers so far and he does not have texting (which blows my mind) and he has not called me yet, so I have not assigned him a pic yet. He is the one I’m meeting for dinner tomorrow night and i had to go back through all of our emails to find his name after I agreed to go on the date.

    One of them has the same name as my x-husband – not a good sign. I cringe every time he signs his name to an email – I need to ask him if he has a nick-name . . . Lol.

    So the guy I’m meeting for dinner tomorrow owns a 70 acre farm and he raises cows and chickens. We’ll call him Farmer CD. I hope I like him!!!

    Wednesday, 27 June 2012 @ 11:49am

  426. 426: MelNo Gravatar says:

    Turquoise,

    Interesting insight on why guys poof and come back. I can’t say I’m terribly surprised. I kinda figured it was the “grass is greener” mentality, and then the realization that it’s just astroturf…

    I never billed myself as being a golf-course lawn, I think I more resemble a field of unruly, wildflowers… and I prefer guys that appreciate that and don’t want a monoculture.

    Glad those ones “weeded” themselves out… LOL

    Wednesday, 27 June 2012 @ 11:52am

  427. 427: siren songNo Gravatar says:

    mel, ha. :-)

    Wednesday, 27 June 2012 @ 11:53am

  428. 428: SunshineNo Gravatar says:

    Starla, Tam I totally agree but I sometimes worry that Im tooo much the opposite. I have this fear of my independance being “stolen” from me. I fear that all my passions, goals, and even who I am will be flushed down the toilet if I am in a commited relationship…i gotta work on this I dont want to be alone but sometimes I kinda do…I hope to find a balance def not clingy girl but not the isolated loner ive become…

    Wednesday, 27 June 2012 @ 11:56am

  429. 429: lkNo Gravatar says:

    OMG …. life is SO dramatic.

    ok, so natalie portman was playing in black swan & she & her choreographer/dance partner ended up pregnant together. cute story.

    BUT at the time they met, he was dating my friend’s sister. NOW, my friend just posted that his sister is playing the lead in black swan… dum dum dum….

    gotta say, i’m not sure that a lot of people really really “get” what they’re talking about when they’re talking kids & family & “forever” you know ?

    i’m a naughty human & i respect & enjoy it.

    i love the humans & i hope i never keep anyone from anything that they want.

    please universe, & thank you for everything i want.

    bad naughty lk. shhhhhhh don’t be mean to me, it just makes everything harder.

    i keep trying! woo woo woo ! i keep trying & trying : )

    thank you for showing me peace, even though i still say “no” like a petulant baby for some reason….. & : ) YAYYYYY I KEEP GOING : )

    Wednesday, 27 June 2012 @ 12:00pm

  430. 430: lkNo Gravatar says:

    the poor boy who actually did keep a spreadsheet of his dates got the ishx taken out of him on the interweb by all the ladies offended by his numerical “rating” system LOL : ) but honestly the poor poor man seems conscientious, sweet….. & simply very well-organized…. : )

    Wednesday, 27 June 2012 @ 12:03pm

  431. 431: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Sunshine, the experience I made, never really found men/relationships suffocating…hmmm…so can’t relate, actually I usually choose laid back men more or less. Ha, maybe that’s where I’ve been going wrong and why I don’t get commitment…ha!!

    I think being a bit of a free spirit myself, I attract like – maybe you will too?

    Wednesday, 27 June 2012 @ 12:07pm

  432. 432: RebeccaNo Gravatar says:

    Ooooh that expression “free spirit” always triggers me… Damn i want commitment and guys never commit to free spirits alla me?!…

    Pffff…..

    Wednesday, 27 June 2012 @ 12:21pm

  433. 433: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Rebecca, I hear ya, same here….right now. But they used to, so not all hope is lost.
    I definitely need a ‘rock’ who can keep me grounded and has his own mind – so hard to find…and when I think I did he wants ‘friends’. Grrrrr..
    You’re not alone ;)

    Wednesday, 27 June 2012 @ 12:24pm

  434. 434: goldenflowerNo Gravatar says:

    405: turquoise says:
    Seriously not sure what C is thinking. This new girl he’s dating, her cat has a fb page, and the “cat” writes to him and he is replying, with her mom commenting each time, saying she loves him even though she hasn’t met him yet.

    I really am happy if he’s happy, but this is over the top. I really need to figure out how to take him out of my news feed. But at least it’s commical. Waiting for our daughter to catch on, she will be doing some major eye rolling! lol.

    Wow, this sounds very like that film Catfish does it not. This sounds like it is unlikely to last, professing love on a fbk page is not real, unless it is between close friends.
    But anyway, it sounds like nc at all is the best way. I am trying to decide when the point is that I will delete my ex from my fbk. He’s very quiet atm, as he’s depressed but there will surely come a time when he perks up, and I dont want to get hopeful he will come back to me, or get hurt that he’s doing well again and still doesnt want me. My plan is to have moved on with my life well and truly by the time this comes up. This plan is going great so far, only very occasional sadness and grief these days. Was all encompassing for the first two weeks. I started smoking again in a big way, and have managed to now stop since the weekend. I have stopped the negative patterns. I want and welcome healing myself. I was dragging myself down to his depression level to try and hang on in there, i now realise. But I am more evolved than this, I deserve to be with a spirit akin to my own, if I were to meet a good match.
    I love my sadness, i love my open beautiful heart, I love this blog. Thankyou.

    Wednesday, 27 June 2012 @ 12:33pm

  435. 435: turquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Yes, 10 days in is definitely honeymoon phase…. and C might like it for awhile, but I guess we’ll wait and see if it lasts. It’s so amazing to witness women who spill themselves all over a guys facebook page, because to me… while yes, you are happy and want people to know… it also comes across as trying to SHOW how happy you are, and there is usually a reason for that. BUT, I will say… he really does like feeling adored, so she may be good for him. He’s definitely I need to be respected more than loved guy though, so it will be interesting to see what happens when that comes up. I’m amazed how detached I feel from this. I think that hawaiian mantra I was doing helped me let go. The visualization is a new tool for me.

    What I AM excited to share though…. Conversation (I need a better name for him…. need to think) like I said, going through a divorce, his wife moved out, leaving him with their 10 month old baby 17 hours a day. He works from home, but can’t get much done with a 10 month old. I watched her Monday night, in exchange for a backrub… which he still owes me, hard to do with a baby in your arms. :) But anyways, when they were leaving he said he’d like to hang out more that week if I didn’t have plans. So, I invited them over for dinner last night. He asked me for cooking lessons, so thought he’d appreciate a home cooked meal, and could get an idea of my style. They were guests, I wasn’t expecting anything in return. He asked if he could hire my oldest to keep the baby entertained a few hours a day, a few days a week, which would actually help me out a lot, because he could pick them up from their bus after camp, and I don’t have to leave work to go do it. So… (I know, long story, but want it to make sense) So, he texted to thank me again for dinner, how great it was…. etc. I asked how his day was and he said frustrating, but ok. Really doesn’t know what to do because his ex expects him to watch the baby, and he can’t get any work done. Not fair, etc. So, I shared some info about how my child care arrangement went and that it had to be court ordered, etc. And then I said that CV (my daughter) could babysit if he wanted. She’s saving for an ipad- so thrilled to be getting paid and loves babies, wants to do more babysitting.

    So about a half hour later I get this text:

    I feel like I’m taking too much and not giving… I’m uncomfortable because I don’t want to feel like that.

    Isn’t that an awesome feeling message? That he expressed it like that? I replied that he could cut my grass, I hate to do it.. and it’s getting long.

    Then he said, Do you understand where I am coming from? Which I replied that yes I did, hard for me to ask for help… I pretty much do it all myself. He replied that he can’t live the way he is, going to have to take her to court… etc.

    But, what I’m really thrilled about is that it was so clearly stated, he doesn’t want to take more than he gives… and we aren’t even really dating. We went on one crazy first date, and I basically said we should be friends because his life is upside down right now.

    But what proof, or validation that what Rori says is true… they don’t feel comfortable accepting help. They WANT to give. THey feel uncomfortable receiving.

    I feel all excited, like I’m really going to have the opportunity to study male behavior, without being too close or taking things personally… going to be interesting!

    Wednesday, 27 June 2012 @ 12:43pm

  436. 436: goldenflowerNo Gravatar says:

    I hear you Goldenflower… it still seems like way tooo much is in their court. And when guys have told me why they want to be in relationships, it’s not for the same reasons as us…. they are tired of being alone and want regular sex. Wow, so wonderful and feeling there! And they want the girl that is the least psycho…. because we are all crazy to them. So unfair.

    388: turquoise and Sophie, and all other sirens. Thankyou for your response. I have felt that there are certainly these traits which are very selfish in men. Perhaps if en masse women didnt give so easily, then men would indeed have to step up and work to please us, on a bigger percentage scale than now.
    But I do also have faith that there are good guys out there who want to share their lives with one person. Christian Carter talks a lot about this, and I really hope that this is the case. The emotional connection is there with some men.
    My honest feeling about all this is that men these days are far too used to being the target, the prize that women chase after. Rori is so correct to point out that we are the target. Naturally men should be fighting for our attention and time. But this modern age is more suited to them, as people live together, have kids, split up, move onto new partners so easily. dating is much easier, womens attitudes to sex is much easier (in some ways). Now there seems more pressure for us to have sex early rather than wait. Like “whats the big deal” and we are being pressured to be more like men. Then there is the sexualisation of all women around us, in media etc, pornography which is more available and can objectify women worse than ever before. hmm, am i talking myself into ot out of there being men who are still gentlemen. What was i Rori said about sex only being for ones own pleasure, not to get or move the relationship on, or as with-holding thing.
    Just putting it out there, happy to hear any thoughts on all this. xx

    Wednesday, 27 June 2012 @ 12:52pm

  437. 437: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Turquoise, I have proof of that too. When Mr U had money problems he disappeared…he is very old-fashioned ‘a man has to offer something’. He’d keep in contact but no dates…
    When he got out of the funk, he came back and was spend the money on taking me on
    super outings…and he seemed very happy that he could do that.
    It was when he opened up and was at his best cause he felt like a man and I was appreciative.
    Men do want to give, i only learnt this in 2012, through Rori – and he is living proof.
    When his business was having probs and with the money probs he said: you better date someone else, I am in no state and you deserve an attractive good man – there are plenty of them.
    Wow.

    Wednesday, 27 June 2012 @ 12:53pm

  438. 438: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Goldenflower, I agree with what you are saying, and I do believe things have changed – not necessarily for the better.

    Wednesday, 27 June 2012 @ 12:55pm

  439. 439: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    I honestly feel freaked out reading this discussion about men right now. I don’t want to believe that. That means it’s slim chances I’ll find a good guy. And I have yet to meet a man who wasn’t willing to do things the Rori way with me. Unfortunately, I took it too far with my last one and he did poof, but he may have poofed on his own anyway.

    Wednesday, 27 June 2012 @ 1:26pm

  440. 440: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    That is great learning while unattached Turq.

    Siren song I feel bad for both of you. Is it possible to go first and stop pretending when you see him? Use the opportunity to practice going into your body for your feelings and showing them in your face and bdoy language. Show the sadness and put your hand over your heart as practice of loving yourself in his presence. I believe both of you are hurting. He doesn’t know how to make things right and you are focussed on his dating. He might be wrong, he might be angry but in punishing him you are punishing yourself.

    Wednesday, 27 June 2012 @ 1:30pm

  441. 441: TamNo Gravatar says:

    I don’t think there’s slim chances Starla, and I feel also we expect too much sometimes. There are plenty of good men, but perhaps no ‘perfect’ men, which is ok because we are not perfect either…well, we are really ;)
    I have some very good friends and ex bf’s that are lovely, mostly married now, but at 27 years there were even more, most of them unmarried!!
    Don’t worry!!!

    Wednesday, 27 June 2012 @ 1:34pm

  442. 442: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Starla I feel confused sbout what in the discussion is freaky.

    Wednesday, 27 June 2012 @ 1:36pm

  443. 443: lkNo Gravatar says:

    i have this really “broken” problem & i feel afraid to write it. why lk ? because i don’t want women to think i’m bad & i don’t want women to think my man is bad.

    oh…. are you both bad ? i don’t know. i think i’m a little bad…… i can’t tell if he’s a little bad.

    part of me says, “yes, all problems come half-and-half from all the people involved” then the other part of me says, that’s not true. that mentality leads to victim-blaming. alright, fine. well i have a million things to say about that.

    this is the good meaty bit at the heart of all of life, lk. you know that?

    always, always, you get a “situation”…. you are the one who “paints” the “scene” because whose eyes ? whose mind ? whose pain ? whose anxiety? whose joy ? you only know your own. you get “vibes” about the other people, but sometimes it’s just “you” reflected right back! ok ok

    so yes, that’s just it. it’s fully “mine” to choose.

    i get to choose if he’s good or bad : ) LOL & that’s pretty true

    well, ok, let me do it the brainy way: there’s basically no way he’s bad. i don’t know why you feel scared that he is bad. a million times he shows he isn’t & zero times he shows he is. seriously. can you think of one ? oh, i can actually : ) that’s a “mistake” lk….. not a Bad-ness. is that all ? ? ? ?????? it’s just that one thing…

    i feel afraid, because i assume he is a hot-blooded male with a high sex drive. HE IS. THAT IS WHY I LOVE HIM. lol…. jeez, lk.

    but i know that he actively chooses Relationship, fidelity, & Me. for a lot of reasons ! because i’m wonderful : ) because we want children. because we want safe family home zone with strong values & healthy food & respectful, loving humans.

    so when you see him socializing with a woman…. & YOU can see YES you can see that ! it’s plain as the nose on her face to me that she is terribly unhappy in her relationship & desperately trying to alert her silly husband to her level of distress…. how ? hit on my man !

    BUT LK. he is not “yours”. jeeeeeeeeeez. this is why you’re “wrong” stop being mean to me… ok ok sorry. ummmmm yeah, leave him alone ! he doesn’t know or care if she’s hitting on him because it’s the first couple our age we’ve been out with, feels fun, movies we like & beer we like & games we like & hamburgers we like. humans we don’t know & new stories & new jokes & regional differences to learn about. he doesn’t care. he assumes he’s in happy committed home because we are a happy committed home. he doesn’t look at her as an option because i fill his entire romantic eye. i am his heartstone. i am his fairy. he traveled 29 years to find me. maybe he notices she has nice knees. she does have the nicest knees! & the way her breasts are heavy under her shirt…. & her legs are long like a deer & that’s nice to see : ) but i have a bum & thighs like fat summer squash & my hair is always wild & thorny & i don’t put the paint on my face so i keep honest eyes open for my baby so when i say i love you he knows it’s me & when he says i’m beautiful, i know it’s me.

    & here’s the other thing. he did tell me multiple times she had no “threat” – no “position” in our relationship – but after me saying how i felt, he cut her out & we don’t socialize majorly with them At All. no couple dinners. those were fun…. to be around other people & eat in a communal way… but i don’t like to watch a couple argue & i don’t like to see a woman compare her partner to mine & decide she likes mine better. baloney. duh i have the best one…lol

    so all you have to worry about in that situation is YOU. all i ever have to worry about is ME. how i’m doing. am i strong enough to keep loving with discipline ? a hungry soldier is a weak soldier. keep on keeping on ! March! goodness, but your heart is getting bigger….. : )

    so the girl comes up & smiles & flirts – what do i do ???

    ahhhhhh lk why in the shameful petty world do i have to keep building & re-building these scripts for you ?

    & ALSO do not blame the silly woman ! maybe she thinks to herself, “this guy is so obviously amazing & so obviously respectful & wonderful to his partner, i wish they would hang around more & if i compliment & show such interest in such a Good Man, perhaps it will inspire my own Man to Step Up” & in that way, i solute & forgive her & i pray to the holy hills that all my jealousy melts away like it never existed, & all that remains is pure flowing love : )

    ok. so. the girl. a siren. a beautiful, emotional, deep woman………….. she smiles & flirts…. why is it for the man? is it not also for me ? it cannot be “for” my man, because only I am “for” my man, so all the other things are “for” our loving society. the flirting is for everyone. we all get juicy…. lovely : ) so it’s so fun to see my man get flirted with & be so social & meet new people.

    oh, i have a little more anxiety i just uncovered about, “well how come he kept inviting them to do things”

    that makes me mad. firstly because i don’t want to be so suspicious…. i just feel so so so scared of feeling humiliated later.

    BECAUSE, lk ! he didn’t think it was an issue & he really enjoys company & we don’t know a single other couple our age in our neighborhood. that’s why !!!! jeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeezzzzzz he even told you that !

    ok ok ok ok ok. so then again & forever it’s my fault. no… it’s not that it’s “your fault” – it’s just not a problem if it weren’t for you. it is only a problem FOR YOU. it’s only “your” problem in that way. ok, thanks. that’s a gentle way to view it.

    wait really ? is it really not a problem ?

    hoodehoooooo peace

    i can almost give myself permission to fully pour into that “no-worry” space…. but then i’m like, “well who’s watching out ? who’s on alert ?” i want all the women to say, “no you should trust him” or “ohhh that run that tramp out of town” lol……. it’s all so silly & meaningless…..

    i suspect that a huge reason that i can’t “get over” this is that the alternative to saying “cd is a jerk who doesn’t care about me getting disrespected” is having to say & believe: “i’m an immature, insecure whiny girl who chose jealousy over making a new friend. i chose jealousy over allowing my man to be himself without judging him. i chose jealousy over enjoying a harmonious & trusting bond with my partner.” that makes me feel sad, but the idea of letting go of blaming cd or the girl & simply giving myself permission to believe that is so amazingly freeing. like one million times better than i feel when i feel sad & anxious about it….

    (((lk))) i feel ashamed to post this as i feel like a broken record, but i hug my little feelings & get curious about myself because i aim for a land of no-stress, easy, slow, just love

    Wednesday, 27 June 2012 @ 1:38pm

  444. 444: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    thanks tam, i feel terrified.

    Wednesday, 27 June 2012 @ 1:38pm

  445. 445: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    fw, i said i feel freaked out, not that anything is freaky? those are two different things.

    Wednesday, 27 June 2012 @ 1:41pm

  446. 446: BrandylionNo Gravatar says:

    lk, I feel so peaceful and hopeful reading about your wonderful relationship.

    I need to learn patience and how not to get so down when a good man doesn’t just show up because I want him to. I have to remember that I wasn’t looking for anything with a man when PriestCD showed up last summer, and he wasn’t a bad man at all; he just wasn’t a good man *for me*.

    Wednesday, 27 June 2012 @ 1:54pm

  447. 447: goldenflowerNo Gravatar says:

    441: Starla says:
    I honestly feel freaked out reading this discussion about men right now. I don’t want to believe that. That means it’s slim chances I’ll find a good guy. And I have yet to meet a man who wasn’t willing to do things the Rori way with me. Unfortunately, I took it too far with my last one and he did poof, but he may have poofed on his own anyway.

    As Tam said, Starla don’t worry at all. I do beleive it is very possible to meet good guys. I dont mean at all to be patronising when i say that you have a lot of years ahead of you to get this stuff all working smoothly and naturally for you. For myself, and perhaps sirens in their mid to late thirties and older, but i only speak for me. For me, I have been through two major long relationships back to back, which were for the most part happy and rewarding in different ways. Then came the sudden aloneness and realisation that the dating landcape had changed greatly since I was last single. A lot of trial and error and also the issues we discussed on men earlier. I honestly dont mean to be negative about men in general, but there are definately some traits which we have all experienced which are not healthy for us as women. It must be in the discernment of the type of guys who show up for us. Theres a lot to be said for going to new places and expanding our pool of people. I realised I needed to stop just going out to clubs, as I kept meeting young immature men in their late twenties who weren’t mature enough for me. A lot of the thirties men dont seem to club it as much, so its a case of finding them online or through hobbies etc. Hope this helps, i always woudl aim for an older man than me, just because of the maturity thing, but thats a matter of opninion i guess.

    Wednesday, 27 June 2012 @ 2:00pm

  448. 448: siren songNo Gravatar says:

    FW,

    i don’t mean to punish him. i don’t know how else to act…i’m trying to just lean back, which is what caused our problems to begin with.

    writing here does help me to let him go. it’s been a month since we’ve spoken in person. the last time we spoke on the phone he screamed and then left a drunken voicemail about how i ‘never call him’.

    i feel really good about not being yelled at anymore. i just miss the man inside of this angry guy. he was the love of my life (so far :-) ).

    Wednesday, 27 June 2012 @ 2:07pm

  449. 449: siren songNo Gravatar says:

    also, i will try to embrace my feelings the next time i see him. i almost feel traumatized when i see him now. i go numb.

    Wednesday, 27 June 2012 @ 2:09pm

  450. 450: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Can you explain to me how feeling “freaked out” feels? Maybe I am stuffing down those feelings.

    Wednesday, 27 June 2012 @ 2:10pm

  451. 451: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    freaked out is a synonym for intensely afraid/anxious.

    Wednesday, 27 June 2012 @ 2:16pm

  452. 452: TamNo Gravatar says:

    I miss MrU, and am almost tempted to contact him under the guise of it being ‘my turn’, which it is. More than 3 weeks since his last email.
    But I am still too invested emotionally to not expect anything. Urgh. :(

    Wednesday, 27 June 2012 @ 2:19pm

  453. 453: lkNo Gravatar says:

    thanks, brandylion : ) i love my partner, but i’m still expanding into my Feminine Power : )) & that’s all in with the Male Power….. all 1, like nothing : ) that juicy no-hxte, all-love place : ))))) YUM yes, that’s what i’m doing !!!!! : )) lol

    Wednesday, 27 June 2012 @ 2:29pm

  454. 454: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks

    Wednesday, 27 June 2012 @ 2:34pm

  455. 455: TamNo Gravatar says:

    I feel a shift in my life and it is uncomfortable but necessary.
    I heard from 3 male friends today, totally unrelated, one the jogging comment, one to say he loves my fb status updates, and the third sent me a job advert and video. One of them I had not heard from in 6 years, the other one about two years.
    Why today? It feels like they put a blanket around me to shelter me, it’s so lovely and so rare. :)

    Wednesday, 27 June 2012 @ 2:42pm

  456. 456: sophieNo Gravatar says:

    Goldenflower and Starla (441) This feels funny cos the conversation is still continuing – earlier I was at work and since then i’ve been to therapy and then on a date and now i’m in bed ((((((time zones)))))) are you all still at work? it always confuses me. I seriously belive there are good men out there too that does not frighten me – i feel frightened about my own tendency to choose men that are mean and feel frightened that I cannot trust my choices – I actually feel a little bit grateful for this last revelation as it may help me to be a bit more cautious with the next man I like. I also identify with what Goldenflower says about the younger men – I’ve just turned 34 but kept dating younger men I met in clubs and it has always been heartbreaking as they haven’t had the same outlook as me, been as mature as me, wanted the same things as me, been able to meet my needs or even care about meeting my needs and also when we’ve broken up I’ve felt very ‘old’ whilst these younger men of mine still have this ability to go out drinking with their packs of friends including female ones waiting in the wings :( it has not been good for me at all and I need to change my blueprint to be attracted to older men.

    Wednesday, 27 June 2012 @ 2:47pm

  457. 457: sophieNo Gravatar says:

    ah ((((Tam))) that’s nice

    Wednesday, 27 June 2012 @ 2:54pm

  458. 458: Jessie1000No Gravatar says:

    Tam
    How long did u see MR. U?
    A long time? Or short?

    Maybe if he left this early then he knows u expect to be treated good and get a commitment?

    Some guys have been burned and just cant do it.

    Why not find a new one that really wants to settle and loves women and really wants to marry?

    Those guys make a girl feel soo good not run like rabbits lol

    Wednesday, 27 June 2012 @ 2:55pm

  459. 459: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    please do not stop the conversation on my account:) i just feel freaked out by it. I find myself naturally turning away from negative thinking, probably as a defense mechanism since I am genuinely suffering depression that is not associated with any triggers in particular. I am going to talk to my therapist tonight about this. I fear I might need some medication?

    Wednesday, 27 June 2012 @ 2:56pm

  460. 460: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Siren song I have a CCarter interView that he did with Rori. In it she says he husband left before they were married. She then realized how she was pushing him away and “invited him” on board. I wish she had expanded on that but she didn’t. There is one on again off again guy that makes my heart pound. I just leaned forward with him and admitted I dont call because it feels like chasing him by phone and I feel embaraassed. He doesn’t call most of the times but I believe this is a general pattern in his life. He was very understanding of my feelings and AGAIN promised to call for a date. He tends to always call back when he missed my calls in the past and always was responsive to my feelings. I have made peace with the fact that he might not be ready so I expressed how shaky I feel with my heart pounding when I just think about calling him. I feel very uncertain about how to interact with him because he is very masculine but at times comes across as feminine. He tried to comfort me and told me that sometimes the chaser wants to feel like the chasee. I did not argue with him neither do I want to be the chaser but I kinda put my foot in the water a little on and off with him to see what I can inspire and also to become clear for myself about me. This is one of those that makes a woman feels dizzy and confused. But I never really expressed my feelings with him before so that i my agenda with him. Don’t know if it will help any or make any sense to you but I am thinking we are both kinda punishing ourselves around these guys. But sorry if I am just projecting

    Wednesday, 27 June 2012 @ 2:57pm

  461. 461: Jessie1000No Gravatar says:

    starla …which conversation freaked you out?
    Are you OK?
    J

    Wednesday, 27 June 2012 @ 2:59pm

  462. 462: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    i’m okay, jessie. it’s just a conversation and can’t hurt me, right? it’s the talk of men changing these days and basically not stepping up.

    Wednesday, 27 June 2012 @ 3:15pm

  463. 463: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    jessie, thank you for asking, too:) you’re a sweet lady:)

    Wednesday, 27 June 2012 @ 3:19pm

  464. 464: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    461:

    (((Oh Starla))),

    I don’t feel good hearing about that medication.
    I have taken it for 5 years.
    It was harsh on my body.
    I gained 20 lbs, I would sweat alot more, my body felt lazy where I had a hard time doing cardiovascular exercise.
    I read that Omega 3 with vitamin D really helps depression as well as all the B vitamins.

    I hope you find the right solution for you.

    Wednesday, 27 June 2012 @ 3:21pm

  465. 465: lkNo Gravatar says:

    no, starla. men step up, etc. & everything perfect that you want is already happening at exactly the pace you desire……………… me too…….. & all the fear & all the sad. it’s so so heavy & i don’t know if everyone does it, but it’s not necessary, so you don’t have to carry it if you decide not to : )

    Wednesday, 27 June 2012 @ 3:21pm

  466. 466: TamNo Gravatar says:

    460 Jessie, 2 years on and off, not helped by the fact that I was only there on and off too. I do feel that if I was more settled it would have been easier to see where it goes with MrU, but as I lean back all goes well and when I have to leave (as I have no permanent right to stay in the US anymore, lost visa and job), he kind of drops me…when I get back, he always appproaches me and we do a lot of stuff together as friends that are more than friends (no sex now though)…pffff..yeah, I need to move on.
    Hard to do when I know he’ll be back…and he always comes back stronger…well, maybe he finds someone now….he hasn’t been dating anyone else in last 2 years, just me.

    Wednesday, 27 June 2012 @ 3:22pm

  467. 467: Jessie1000No Gravatar says:

    omg ive met so many men on pof that im dizzy….wow

    I feel great about men and I feel like there are too many to pick….
    Do i want a tall one, a short one, a big hunky horny one lol!

    I love it and they are all so yummy

    I could have had sex like 5 times yesterday and I wanted them allllll

    I love to date and I find men approach me everywhere

    WOW

    How does it seem like they dont step up?

    Maybe its about being happy and the same person who cant commit to me is looking like crazy for her?

    Be happy!

    No one needs a boyfriend.

    Thats my motto

    I dont need any guy.

    I need me.

    I need to have fun with me to laugh with my buddies and to look at every person as someone to love while i see them and have them….and after they are gone….on to the next….keep a rotation of adorers…it feels so good!!

    If you say…im looking to get married….men want the opposite.

    I tell them I want to be single….why should I want to be ur girlfriend…omg they try even harder!!

    I plan to have alot of sex this month while my kids are off to their daddys….TO shag, to eat out, to tan, to swim, to live every moment like its my last with every yummy guy who wants to spoil me rotton!!!

    Guys are wonderful!

    Guys step up because they know if they walk away from you for a minute then you will keep busy loving yourself in their absence!!!

    Love yourself girls!!
    LOve the men who get up the courage to hug u, sleep with you, and maybe decide to walk with you for a bit!!!

    Guys come, guys go, but i love me!!!

    Kisses everyone!!!

    Wednesday, 27 June 2012 @ 3:25pm

  468. 468: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    I’m feeling down and depressed myself :(

    I couldn’t bring myself to talk to D about my feelings when I last saw him Monday evening, after all the triggers I got over the weekend.

    Now I’m feeling sad that he hasn’t called me all day, and he’s not looking to see me :(

    I’m crossing my fingers it doesn’t rain tonight, coz there’s zumba outside in the park.
    I always feel so good when I go to zumba.

    So, off I go to get ready and leave for zumba.

    Wednesday, 27 June 2012 @ 3:29pm

  469. 469: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    Starla – Have you tried St. John’s Wort? Takes a couple of weeks to have an effect. Or Motherwort? Much more subtle with noticeable effects almost right away.

    xxoo

    Wednesday, 27 June 2012 @ 3:31pm

  470. 470: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    i feel like i pushed “my” man away, the one for me, and now that I’ve healed enough, he’s not healing, he’s probably blaming me for his missteps, and i feel so sad.

    Wednesday, 27 June 2012 @ 3:31pm

  471. 471: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    but 472 is a sign i have even more healing to do.

    i feel loss. i feel like how i felt when i learned my two friends died last year. actually, to be honest, i feel worse.

    Wednesday, 27 June 2012 @ 3:36pm

  472. 472: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    471 dominique, i have not. i will ask the shrinkydink about it tonight. thanks!

    Wednesday, 27 June 2012 @ 3:38pm

  473. 473: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    woops, i looked at cf’s sister’s fb. and my face feels hot and flushed

    Wednesday, 27 June 2012 @ 4:01pm

  474. 474: EsteemedNo Gravatar says:

    Daria and Tam,

    360 – aww Esteemed… that feels touching that you care about the kittens and sad that ppl are telling u its not worth it

    soudn lovely that R was helping u with it

    Wednesday, 27 June 2012 @ 4:14am

    361: Tam says:

    Esteemed, that is ‘wow’. A sad situation and your knight in shining armour comes through….nevermind about past and future…that is a touching story.

    Reading your comments brings tears to my eyes. I feel moved. Yes, R is turning into a knight in shining armor. He texted this evening to see how the babies are doing. He is so precious!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Wednesday, 27 June 2012 @ 4:54pm

  475. 475: EsteemedNo Gravatar says:

    Daria and Tam,

    That is exactly how I feel about it, what you expressed.

    I know my friends mean well. The ones who said I can’t afford it are the ones who know I’m driving around with my car uninspected because I haven’t been able to afford brakes. I just put out $465 last weekend for four tires, an alignment and oil change. That was the first step. Next step brakes and inspection.

    But I just can’t put a dollar sign on life.

    And I have a good report, too! The kitties seem more alert, more active, and have a better appetite tonight! I am hoping it was just worms and that they are not infected with parvo. I disinfected everything at home as best I could.

    Wednesday, 27 June 2012 @ 4:57pm

  476. 476: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    (((((((Lilibee))))))))) I hope you get to enjoy Zumba

    Wednesday, 27 June 2012 @ 6:01pm

  477. 477: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    I didn’t have time to ask about st john’s wort but my therapist did say to just make room for the feelings i’m having. that i am judging myself for feeling these things and it’s hurting me more than it’s helping.

    Wednesday, 27 June 2012 @ 6:19pm

  478. 478: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    Zumba got cancelled. 2 weeks of no zumba :(

    Coz of the 60% chance of rain forecast.

    It only started to rain lightly when the zumba class would end.

    I ran into D in the parking lot. He was bringing his son to the skateboard park.
    I stayed and encouraged and his son to try different tricks.
    He was happy I was cheering him on.

    D gave me a big hug and invited me to his place.
    I said it was too late for me, but I would take a raincheck.

    I don’t want to sweep our weekend under the rug.
    That will just discredit my real feelings, as if I feel wrong to feel them.
    But I don’t feel wrong for feeling my feelings and I want them know.
    He has no idea why I felt like I did.

    Wednesday, 27 June 2012 @ 6:35pm

  479. 479: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    okay so by facestalking cf’s sister i did learn that he is talking to one of her friends who lives in another state, and she’s coming to visit him soon, and his sister is of course over the moon excited for this.

    i cried my eyes out at my therapist’s office. i could go into how he is avoiding his issues by getting into a long distance relationship and moving on so quickly, etc., but i don’t feel like it.

    i am just going to keep grieving and one of these days i’ll have moved on.

    and i feel very brave for trying to handle my issues without burying them in the attention and comfort of some man.

    and i’m going to be okay <3

    Wednesday, 27 June 2012 @ 6:45pm

  480. 480: EmoticonNo Gravatar says:

    Starla maybe he’s not avoiding hid feelings. I have done that before but it didnt help me avoid my feelings cuz they are still there long after the long distance arrangement has been over and now I am yet again reunited with them and the man who brings them out in me.

    Wednesday, 27 June 2012 @ 7:24pm

  481. 481: EmoticonNo Gravatar says:

    Sirens I would like to share a little story…. follow up from last week’s CD who stipped texting me back because I said I wasnt coming for the weekend.

    I hadnt heard from him in almost a week when I logged into my skype account and got a message from him last night saying “I miss you” so I said “I miss you too” …… THEN a few minutes later i realized that that was an old message and that it was popping up now because I had not been on my skype in days. It was a message from the night before i told him I was no longer coming.

    So far no response to that.
    I’m not going to push it, video call or anything but it really feels weird that we are not talking.

    It doesnt hurt as much as i would have thought. I wouldnt say it hurts at all, i feel bothered but not hurt. And i only feel bothered when i think about it, which is not very often.

    Hmmmm

    Wednesday, 27 June 2012 @ 7:30pm

  482. 482: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    i mean his issues… avoiding his relationship issues and his inability to do a real relationship by getting into a very long distance thing. sorry to be confusing!

    emoticon, you mean your feelings for the long distance guy and you’re now reunited with him? or you had feelings for guy 1, got into long distance with guy 2, and now you’re reunited with guy 1?

    Wednesday, 27 June 2012 @ 7:31pm

  483. 483: EmoticonNo Gravatar says:

    I’m reunited with guy one… lol sorry i didnt specify.

    Wednesday, 27 June 2012 @ 7:33pm

  484. 484: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    that’s okay:)

    (((((((((emoticon))))))))))

    i don’t even want to think about reuniting.

    Wednesday, 27 June 2012 @ 7:52pm

  485. 485: RebeccaNo Gravatar says:

    Sirens,

    I am scared because just about every man I have ever ‘fallen’ for has suddenly out-of-the blue turned on me like I am a b)tch from Hell. If I speak my mind then it just makes it incredibly worse….

    Why can’t I fall for somebody who can reciprocate my feelings??! 

    I feelings tense and angry worrying about this.. My back feels very tense. My neck is tense.. I am finding it almost impossible to let go of my pain. I will try yoga…

    Wednesday, 27 June 2012 @ 8:00pm

  486. 486: BrandylionNo Gravatar says:

    Of the three men who contacted me on OkCupid over the weekend, one has poofed, one has not yet asked me why I’m in AZ, and the third knows why I’m in AZ but hasn’t yet asked what I’m studying.

    Am I expecting too much of men when I think they should be curious about me? I’m not asking them questions because I’m leaning back. I’m using FMs with them. Both “conversations” have stalled. What am I doing wrong? (aside from engaging in email exchanges at all, but I need something to distract me from remembering last summer with PriestCD since my coursework isn’t cutting it!)

    Wednesday, 27 June 2012 @ 8:07pm

  487. 487: EmoticonNo Gravatar says:

    (((((((rebecca)))))))) nothing wrong wit bein a bitch (in my opinion) …… but ur def not from hell

    Wednesday, 27 June 2012 @ 8:10pm

  488. 488: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    Sirens,

    Thank you so very much for the birthdays wishes!!!! I feel overwhelmed with warmth and support from the blog. It is truly amazing!

    My guy too helped to make the day perfect ;) At 7:30 am I got a good morning text and a question if I am ready for breakfast. Then he took me out for breakfast to a really nice place and we spent like 3 hours eating and talking. And then we decided that in the afternoon we will go together to a store and I will pick my gift. It all sounded great, except when we got to the store I felt sooo uncomfortable I wasn’t even happy anymore. Everything was beyond expensive and besides the fact that I didn’t like anything that much, I felt funny about the prices. At the end I didn’t pick anything;) We decided that I will go alone at some point and find something I like and then he will come with me to get it. Really,I could not find the courage to feel happy when I saw these crazy numbers on the tags. I know it is not sireny, but perhaps I need much more training ;)

    Wednesday, 27 June 2012 @ 8:11pm

  489. 489: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Memulo, I completely relate to feeling that way about high priced gifts. Happy birthday:)

    Wednesday, 27 June 2012 @ 8:13pm

  490. 490: EmoticonNo Gravatar says:

    ((((((Rebecca)))))) nothing wrong wih being a btitch (in my opinion, not that im saying u are) but u are fel not from he11

    Wednesday, 27 June 2012 @ 8:14pm

  491. 491: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you Starla!

    I meant to tell you again that CF is not the only guy who will be nice to you, there are many more who will happily take this role and keep on carrying it. As to this other-state-connection you never know how things can turn out once people actually meet, plus his gas problems not to mention other problems are not going away ;)

    Wednesday, 27 June 2012 @ 8:18pm

  492. 492: RebeccaNo Gravatar says:

    I feel like I am ‘obsessing’ over this. I feel like I need psychological help but everytime I go to a therapist they say the most predictable things..

    ‘he’s not into you…’

    ‘forget about him…’

    ‘concentrate on yourself…’

    ‘move on…’

    But none of this stops my overwelming feelings. Obsesseing over and over again about every tiny detail.

    Also, screaming and hitting things doesn’t work for me either.

    I feel traumatised. I feel stuck in a groundhog day type situation…

    I feel unable to stop obsessing. I barely know this guy and yet I have fallen deeply in love with him. I just want it to stop….

    Wednesday, 27 June 2012 @ 8:25pm

  493. 493: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    wow rebecca, my therapist never says things like that to me. sorry to hear that:(

    he just talks to me about me, and why i might be feeling that way. not “get over it and move on.”

    He said if a year passes and I can’t move on, THEN I should consider it a problem. haha.

    Wednesday, 27 June 2012 @ 8:31pm

  494. 494: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Rebecca you realice the choice is yours?

    Wednesday, 27 June 2012 @ 8:32pm

  495. 495: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    rebecca, a good therapist would not be telling you those things. maybe a life coach, sure. but a therapist should be investigating with you WHY you fall in love with men who neglect and reject you. and getting you to be strong and comfortable enough to be without that influence in your life.

    it’s easy to say things like “move on” or any number of things indicating it’s a conscious choice. sure, in a way, it is a conscious choice you make, but the thing is, if it were really and truly that simple, the problem wouldn’t exist in the first place, would it? ;)

    (((((((((((rebecca)))))))

    Wednesday, 27 June 2012 @ 8:55pm

  496. 496: Jessie1000No Gravatar says:

    Rebecca….what does that guy give you that your not giving to yourself?

    If you feel like you need something from someone, they are likely doing something for you that you have neglected to do for yourself!

    Instead of saying I need this boyfriend to love me.
    Try saying I need to love myself and everything will fall into place for me.

    If you get upset or anxious and worried or obsessed then likely you are telling yourself something about the future…will he like me? Can I commit to him? Can he commit to me?

    Maybe you need to take a break and tell yourself that I need to date myself.
    I need to discover all the things about myself that I need and like and give them to yourself!

    I need to have a nice bath, visit a friend, watch a good movie with popcorn, get a hug from my family, ride my bike, ease my stress, go for a nice walk with my neighbour….whatever it is that you love to do!

    Time spent worrying about someone else and that relationship is time that could be spent focusing on yourself!

    Thats self love! And trust me self love grows real love from everywhere!

    Kisses honey

    Wednesday, 27 June 2012 @ 8:55pm

  497. 497: LoveAlwaysNo Gravatar says:

    Rebecca

    Instead of therapy, I spent the money on Rori’s programs and listened to them repeatedly – it really helped me.

    Wednesday, 27 June 2012 @ 8:55pm

  498. 498: Jessie1000No Gravatar says:

    Like a mirror, the mind has a way of getting what you believe right but its turned around….

    I need that man. Maybe it could be….I need to find myself.

    He needs to love me for me to be happy. Maybe it could be…I need to love me more to be happy.

    He should love only me. Maybe it should be….I should love only me.

    She needs to call me and say sorry. Maybe it should be I need to call her and say sorry.

    Wednesday, 27 June 2012 @ 8:58pm

  499. 499: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Hi sirens, hung out with conversation and had an interesting evening. My girls really like him. He talks to them, jokes, teases…. Pays way more attention to them than anyone I actually dated. I think it’s partly his personality, but also that he’s a dad. He’s comfortable with them. He had a car for sale, and sold it unexpectedly tonight, so he was thrilled. I told him I’m lucky to have around, lol and he agreed. He said some really nice things, what an angel I am, how much it means to him that I’m there for him…. I didn’t do anything big, mainly helped with the baby and got her to sleep, but she’s a sweetheart, it’s not hard. He picked up pizza and we watched a little baseball… Nothing big, just a normal evening. He brought up some fun stuff he’d like to do this weekend, but we didnt make any plans. I have a family party Sunday, but that’s it so far. I might go see a concert Saturday with a friend, but would need to do something with the girls. So, we’ll see.
    He’s asked me this a few times, if I want to be married again. I’ve always responded yes. He’s in such a tough place, I don’t know how he feels about it. But he believes love is just a chemical thing, and I can’t imagine being in a relationship with someone who doesn’t believe in love… Anyone else hear that from a guy?

    I told C about him, because the girls will. He didn’t believe me at first that it’s not romantic, but I told him he’s just a friend, for now. He wants to meet him because he’s spending time with the girls, but thats kinda weird.

    I did get some scoop on the new girlfriend. She’s 44, no kids… Was married young, then Spent 8 yrs in a relationship with a man who didn’t marry her. I asked if he’s bringing her home and he said… Oh I don’t know, hadn’t even thought about it, I know she’d love that…
    I think all the attention is probably a little much. I asked what we should do about fb, decided to leave it as friends. I can’t block the feed from my phone, will do it on the computer.

    Well, I’m really tired, heading to bed. Goodnight sirens!

    Wednesday, 27 June 2012 @ 9:01pm

  500. 500: siren songNo Gravatar says:

    FW,

    I do get what you’re saying. I don’t know if there is anything i can do.

    I have never felt so…stuck…with as a man the way i have with him.

    He wanted to marry me. Now he doesn’t and he’s dating and ignoring me when he sees me.

    I will get into my feelings with him if he ever approaches me again in a meaningful way.

    I have a feeling he’s gone forever. Maybe i’m just tired and feeling sad.

    Anyhow, i appreciate your comments.

    Wednesday, 27 June 2012 @ 9:16pm

  501. 501: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Ladies, I don’t know why but I feel triggered this morning. I just saw two of my dates from POF from just a few weeks ago, found someone….and they posted Profile pictures with them. Now, both of those men are not very attractive at all but I decided to not discount them because of looks. Anyhow, I saw both yesterday posted pictures of themselves with their new girlfriends, one is a beautiful barbie blonde, and the other a stunning Latina.

    I just felt ‘less than’ this morning and kept thinking, well if ‘even those’ unattractive guys manage to woo these beautiful ladies, no surprise I can’t find anybody…and men poof on me….if they can all do better. I know, how irrational. But that’s how I feel. I feel like an ugly duckling, and I am reasonably attractive actually.
    And worse, it made me feel like it’s no wonder Mr U just wants to stay friends..he is very attractive and knows he ‘can do better’…and I am just expecting him to post a pic with a beautiful woman next. It’s crazy how our mind goes into overdrive.
    I feel helpless.
    :(

    Wednesday, 27 June 2012 @ 11:42pm

  502. 502: RebeccaNo Gravatar says:

    Starla ~ I’ve been to about 4 therapists over the last 4 years and I am just not getting anywhere. I do think I have a pyschological problem that is deeper as my obsessive tendencies have arisen before, and I’ve had obsessive thoughts.

    Obsessive thoughts are thoughts that go round and round in your head with no resolution. They do not abate. I believe it is far deeper.

    I think the problem is that therapist often don’t believe or see how traumatised I feel and there is an element where I feel very brushee off by them.

    My dad died when I was a teenager and peoples reaction is always completely different. They have all the sympathy in the world for me then.

    Lord I don’t know why I feel like this. In the last 10 years I have been through it about 4 times and then one day I wake up and it will have gone on its own. For me there is no amount of forcing it to go. I feel like it is an illness and I just wait to get better.

    I know it is not pure loneliness or wanting ‘male’ company. I could have that if I wanted. I think it is more to do with friendship and being let down and feeling slightly bullied. It has knocked my confidence completely.

    I am quite rare because I see my relationships exactly the same as friendships. Sometimes you can feel let down by a friend, or that you have annoyed a friend and you are not sure why? Yes, at the end of the day it is to do with them but we are all human and we all have feelings.

    Please feel free to ignore my ramblings. It is just my point of view… It is just my stuff…

    Thursday, 28 June 2012 @ 12:24am

  503. 503: RebeccaNo Gravatar says:

    Jessie ~ really I do do all those things!! I really do but none of it is helping one jot. Instead I just feel like I am keeping up appearances.

    In my life I am sooo protective of the underdog and right now I feel like the underdog…

    I am always there to help other people but I can’t help myself. I know I am a brilliant person with helping others and being on their side, even when there is no right or wrong, because its always about seeing the situation from their point of view. Its so easy to judge other people. Maybe even call them negative.

    I have helped so many people with their personal struggles but I can’t help myself. I believe I am truly gifted in helping others and being able to see whst their needs are. Sometimes I wish I could stop and just focus in myself but then I would be being false…

    Thursday, 28 June 2012 @ 12:46am

  504. 504: RebeccaNo Gravatar says:

    FW ~ I don’t believe the ‘choice’ is mine I’m afraid and I find this a little bit easy for another person to say that it is. Sort of like giving all the responsibility back to me. That is what my therapists do. My automatic reaction is ‘I have paid you to help me, not throw it back at me!!’

    If I could help myself I would not be here!!

    One therapist suggested that I hug myself. Hmmm… I’m not sure why people suggest that.

    Maybe it’s the way I was bought up. I sometimes find ‘advice’ around relationships somewhat patronising and I know my mum does too so maybe I have got it from her.

    I

    Thursday, 28 June 2012 @ 12:58am

  505. 505: RebeccaNo Gravatar says:

    LoveALways ~ I am trying to practise Rori’s tools but to be honest they are not taking away the imense pain that I feel. Although I do totally see how well they are working for others. I guess I feel frustrated that I am needing more help and that I might never get there.

    I do agree though – I feel like I’ve had more help from this than any therapist I have been too – and I have been to a few..

    Much as I can understand what Rori is saying, for myself I have so many wide gapung gaps that I need filling. Sort of like at school when you need extra explanations. I feel like everyone else gets it. I still have so many questions but I guess it is part of the journey.

    Thursday, 28 June 2012 @ 2:03am

  506. 506: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Rebecca – have you tried Riffing for the pain?

    Thursday, 28 June 2012 @ 3:13am

  507. 507: RebeccaNo Gravatar says:

    Daria ~ yes I riff all the time. It doesn’t really help me I’m afraid. I will keep practising though…

    Thursday, 28 June 2012 @ 3:20am

  508. 508: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Rebecca – Rori has a hug yourself tool. At first i thought it was stupid but doing it – i trust Rori – has felt very profound.

    Sometimes i make my arms stiff and allow myself to melt into my arms. I noticed I felt moved even to tears doing that for myself after i melted out of numbness

    the wonderfulness is that ‘all this silly stuff’ is where the actual transformation and healing is

    so it doesnt have to be hard

    i just take babysteps to make it easier wherever i notice its hard

    and at first it sems hard everywhere

    Thursday, 28 June 2012 @ 3:34am

  509. 509: TamNo Gravatar says:

    ((((Rebecca))))

    Thursday, 28 June 2012 @ 3:54am

  510. 510: RebeccaNo Gravatar says:

    Daria ~ I don’t think anything is stupid if it works

    Thursday, 28 June 2012 @ 4:09am

  511. 511: LindaNo Gravatar says:

    ” I decided to tell myself that the right one isn’t going to poof, so the wrong ones leave to make room for the right one. ”

    This is going to be my new mindset.

    I was with an imposter. A man who was occupying the place of my “real man”.

    I feel flat today, not sad, not happy, just flat.

    I want something encouraging to happen to me today. I need that. I need something to help me believe that I will not be unimportant and unwanted the rest of my life. I feel fear about that.

    I want a man who is going to be committed to a life together and will be my lover. yummm

    ——-

    I got my hair done last night. I LOVE IT. I feel pretty today. I am doing what I want for me cause I like it, not because I am trying to please or catch the eye of my EX. I dont even know where he lives now, nor do I care. I have lost a bit more weight too. I feel hungry all the time but, I am ignoring it. I did not like how I was feeling or looking for a while there.

    I wish that we could make things change in our life as quickly as a man “poofs” on us. Would that not be grand?!

    Linda

    Thursday, 28 June 2012 @ 4:14am

  512. 512: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Rebecca maybe if you keep telling yourself you have a choice, regardless of whether your brain believes it or not, you might help your brain to rewire its neural pathways. It might not make sense logically but that is what babysteps is about. Keep doing slowly until one day things internally click on its own. When we see ourselves as not having we are basically in a prison of mental slavery. Created by our own doing. Which is actually a choice.

    Thursday, 28 June 2012 @ 4:37am

  513. 513: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Siren song I believe things will change in your favor mainly because you seem to be open and receptive to the Universe. I feel bad that you are hurting but with that I believe your healing will come. Try to believe it is not all in vain so you can make peace with with your process

    Thursday, 28 June 2012 @ 4:42am

  514. 514: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Turq I would not make any plans for them to meet.

    Thursday, 28 June 2012 @ 4:51am

  515. 515: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Turq I would not make any plans for them to meet.

    Thursday, 28 June 2012 @ 4:51am

  516. 516: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    Rebecca,

    I used to be your way and in my case I was sure that I lost the great unbelievable qualities guy and the only person who was perfect for me. Like that was my chance for the great love and I was stupid enough to miss it. What helped eventually and it took the longest time because i resisted it as much as I possibly could, is meeting other men. Not even romantically, but I started forcing myself to go out and just talk to people. And even then when I saw qualities in people that where ‘better’ than I used to see in that guy or just qualities that I liked more for whatever reason, at first I still resisted to accept the fact that he wasn’t all that perfect, but with time I was able to accept it. Now I feel lucky not to be stuck with that guy and having my chance for the true happiness. But the first step was to force myself to open my eyes and meet other people.

    Thursday, 28 June 2012 @ 4:56am

  517. 517: RebeccaNo Gravatar says:

    FW ~ my problem with that though is in a sense I would be going against my feelings, which feels unhealthy. Kinda like pretending I am fine when I’m not. I did that for years and it got me in deeper and deeper trouble.

    I think often there is a pressure to be happy and upbeat for other people. I am me. This is me. I am doing my best. Apologies if it seems to go against what others think I should behave, think and feel like.

    Thursday, 28 June 2012 @ 5:03am

  518. 518: RebeccaNo Gravatar says:

    Memulo ~ I meet guys all the time. That is not the problem. I am out circular dating. It works to a certain degree.

    It’s deeper than just knowing someone is wrong for me. I don’t mean to sound rude, just how I feel.

    I just feel vulberable thats all. Feel taken advantage of too. But hey that’s life!

    It’s just something that I need to work through myself..

    Thursday, 28 June 2012 @ 5:09am

  519. 519: Dancing SirenNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Sirens,

    Just a quick update from me.

    Well all feels good here right now. Its been a peaceful feeling couple of weeks.

    S asked me to live with him.

    I said I felt flattered and happy and the answer is that I don’t want to live with a man unless we are married.

    We talked a bit and he said that I must know he has been thinking about that.

    I said I didn’t know for sure.

    Anyway he said he understands and he wants that and then he said he doesn’t feel the time is right.

    I asked him to clarify. Does he mean the timing or the relationship and person don’t feel quite right.

    He said definitely the timing.

    He said he wants me. I am the one. He wants to ask me.

    And he says he will know when the time is right.

    he says he wanted to get a few more of his counselling sessions under his belt (which he has been going to :-) ) first, and also he has been paying off some debts.

    He said a wedding can be expensive.

    He also said he knows I have had a few issues with trust, and he wants to make sure I feel safe first. This is true and I want to feel safe before I would accept an offer of marriage.

    We talked about weddings and I was describing what would feel good to me.

    I said I don’t want to spend loads of money or have anything big and that it would feel amazing just to have a few of the people I really care about around us, and that it would feel great to have a pretty dress and lots of yummy food.

    I said that for me being married isn’t really about the day itself, it is the bigger committment.

    Then he asked me what kind of rings I like and he was looking at my ring finger and working out sizes and stuff.

    He he, I feel giggly.

    I had said I do need to be married, and he has always known this anyway, and I trust him.

    Anyway then I let it go.

    We are also planning a trip away together in a few weeks.

    Thursday, 28 June 2012 @ 5:24am

  520. 520: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    Happy Belated Special YOU Day Memulo. It’s a month long celebration anyway…

    xxoo

    Thursday, 28 June 2012 @ 5:31am

  521. 521: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    Sirens, advice from you would feel really good and calming right now.

    There is this guy (at church, no less) who has made a point of STARING ME DOWN. Does he approach? Of course not.

    At first, it felt normal. I could tell he thought I was pretty and felt curious about me. Since we go to church together, I decided just to see what he would do, or if he would get up the courage to approach me or whatever.

    Well, I caught him staring at me again. But this time, instead of it feeling innocent and curious to me, it felt really intense and dangerous and like he was challenging me or something?

    Like his friends would be talking to him, and he would nod and respond to them, and BAM! be right back to staring at me.

    and it wasn’t like body-scanning staring, it was like really intense look into my eyes without looking away or smiling kind of staring.

    It felt like getting hit by a car or something. I felt kind of sick and dizzy in my head. and then I felt heat and fear in my stomach. I can’t remember the last time I felt like this. I don’t know what to think of him or what he is doing.

    and now I can’t stop thinking about him!

    I feel curious as to if this is some kind of technique to get me to come over to him.

    but I’m not feeling like much of a Rockstar lately.

    I’ve been trying to focus more on myself and my relationship with God, and less on guys.

    now that I’m doing that, of course it feels like more guys are noticing me!

    The only thing I know about this guy is that he is a friend of an old friend of mine. Which leads me to believe that he has to be a somewhat decent person, but I still feel wary.

    Like, if you’re going to look at me like, what are your intentions? Why won’t you approach?

    It seriously feels like he’s challenging me, and it’s kind of hot. and he’s kind of hot.

    but it feels really scary too, and I feel hesitant to go over there and talk to him, or trust him if he should ever come talk to me.

    what do you Sirens think?

    I feel kind of embarassed asking, but I feel really curious to get feedback…

    Thursday, 28 June 2012 @ 5:32am

  522. 522: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    @412 Sunshine – Thanks for the feedback. It does feel really sweet that he’s wanting to do this special thing with me. I guess I realize that I feel kind of afraid of my Dad. I feel terrified of not having his approval at all times, because I respect him deeply and want his love and approval so much. and I’ve realized that he is the same way with HIS Dad, even as a 50+ adult. He’s still trying to win his Dad’s love and approval through things he’s trying to accomplish.

    I feel sad. Because I feel like all we ever needed from our Dads was more attention and positive reinforcement.

    Thursday, 28 June 2012 @ 5:42am

  523. 523: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Lama, did you look back and smile for 5 or even 10 seconds?

    Thursday, 28 June 2012 @ 5:51am

  524. 524: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    @445 LK – I loved reading about your “little inner war” with yourself. I can totally relate to it. It sounds like your guy is over the moon for you. I wouldn’t worry. sounds like you already know that deep down, though. (((((lk))))))

    Thursday, 28 June 2012 @ 5:53am

  525. 525: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    @445 LK – I loved reading about your “little inner war” with yourself. I can totally relate to it. It sounds like your guy is over the moon for you. I wouldn’t worry. sounds like you already know that deep down, though. (((((lk))))))

    Thursday, 28 June 2012 @ 5:53am

  526. 526: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    @524 Starla – I didn’t. I really struggle with smiling at men I don’t know, that I will likely see again.

    It feels easy to smile at men I don’t know that I know I WON’T see again.

    It also feels easy in small situations where I will see them again, because at least it’s easier to introduce and talk.

    but it feels so scary for me if he would have to travel across a long distance in a big room to come talk to me, or if I feel like he would expect me to do that.

    I feel frustrated at myself! I feel like it would be easier if he would smile at ME first. I mean, he started the whole stare down thing!!!

    I feel angry now.

    and I feel immature and dumb.

    and like he’s going to reject me because I’m immature and dumb.

    and like he’s going to talk to my friend about how hot I am, but how immature and dumb I also am, so what is her deal?

    and my friend is going to say, “yeah, she can be a little weird towards guys.” which I feel like is true.

    my friend was totally interested in me, but I wasn’t interested in him in the slightest, but I love him as a friend.

    and the thing that really sucks is that Mr. Stare Down was talking to Seenmecry CD, and Seenmecry CD just makes me feel like crying.

    and I feel scared that Mr. Stare Down is going to talk to Seenmecry CD about me. and I feel scared about that, because I have no idea what’s going on with Seenmecry CD. I feel like Seenmecry CD really misses me sometimes, but I just wanted to get my energy the heck out of there because he freaking has a girlfriend!

    and if he misses me so much, he can freaking approach me!!!!

    wow, talk about a layered wound…

    starla, help, what do you think?

    Thursday, 28 June 2012 @ 6:09am

  527. 527: GoldenflowerNo Gravatar says:

    497 Jessie1000
    :Instead of saying I need this boyfriend to love me.
    Try saying I need to love myself and everything will fall into place for me.
    Maybe you need to take a break and tell yourself that I need to date myself.
    I need to discover all the things about myself that I need and like and give them to yourself!
    Time spent worrying about someone else and that relationship is time that could be spent focusing on yourself!
    Thats self love! And trust me self love grows real love from everywhere!

    Amen to this. Jessie1000, this makes so much sense. The stronger I have gotten and the closer I have gotten to loving and accepting myself it seems to draw more people to me. And the benefit of this is that, even when these people and guys aren’t what i want, then its far less of a drama to simply move away from them. I am not trying to make the person i am with fit the ideal, I am seeing people more clearly.
    Sophie and Starla, and Tam. I live in Scotland so our timezone is ahead of yours, so I guess I’m posting at odd times compared to most people. Not quite worked it out yet. Feeling more positive today though, going out to DJ tonight. Tallguy should be there, so we’ll see what happens…if he will approach me. Actually, I’m scared I’ll start leading the conversation and hinting for a meet up. Will try and lean back and see what he brings. Any ideas how to approach this???

    Thursday, 28 June 2012 @ 6:17am

  528. 528: CalypsoNo Gravatar says:

    I feel excited about my date with Farmer CD tonight! We talked on the ohone last night. He is very interesting – I hope we like each other in person!

    Thursday, 28 June 2012 @ 6:22am

  529. 529: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Rebecca I don’t see any pressure to be happy. For me it is about changing the inner dialogue. Telling myself that I have no choice feels very restrictive so I can appreciate it leading to obsession. A prison where there are no doors or windows to find a way out. I imagine panic bouncing of the walls over and over again going around in circles. With no where to run. I prefer to believe that I can emancipate myself from that kind of mental slavery. My love to you if you can’t.

    Thursday, 28 June 2012 @ 6:23am

  530. 530: GoldenflowerNo Gravatar says:

    527: Iamabutterfly
    Hi, just getting up to speed with these posts. Could you just be in a group with him and a mutual friend, you mentioned there is a mutual friend. That way he would be physically closer and you would still let him approach you. And I dont see a problem in you saying just Hi if you are intorduced to him, as you would to any new friend.
    But let him come to you, dont approach him. Its his behaviour that sounds weird to me, or that he’s really shy and scared to approach you. Is he quite young by any chance?

    Becoming paranoid that your friends wd say you are weird around men etc is not helping you. If he’s unnerved you in a creepy way then look closer at that, and trust your instincts, he may well be a creep!
    Perhaps the best way is to just sit or stand nearer to him so you can hear the kind of conversations he has or try and get a better picture of what he is like. Hope this helps. Try and not give your energy in worry about some guy who may or may not be able to approach. There will be many other ways to meet guys.
    Are you CD at the moment?, sorry I’m not up to speed with everyones story yet.

    Thursday, 28 June 2012 @ 6:28am

  531. 531: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Memulo about resistance I now tell myself that it is a masculine thing. I believe surrender is feminine. So now I look for things/areas in my life where I tend to exert resisting energy and talk myself into relaxing/leaning back. I think of it as power rather than force.

    Thursday, 28 June 2012 @ 6:34am

  532. 532: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Yayyyy Dancing Siren. That feels like butterflies fluttering in my chest. I feel happy for you. “I need to be married to feel really happy”.

    Thursday, 28 June 2012 @ 6:38am

  533. 533: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Iamabutterfly they could only be talking about you because you are important. They must find you attractive. Remember a lot of men get bored easily, then they move to the next topic. If their attention is resting on you think attraction.

    Thursday, 28 June 2012 @ 6:42am

  534. 534: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    “Like a mirror, the mind has a way of getting what you believe right but its turned around”

    Nice Jessie.

    Thursday, 28 June 2012 @ 6:44am

  535. 535: TamNo Gravatar says:

    528 – Goldenflower, I am in Germany so we have almost same time zone…I lived in the UK for 17 years, and on and off in the US for 1 year… and then I lost job/visa bla bla and got propelled back to camp out with family..so now you all know :)

    Goldenflower, I find the same…sifting out guys or when they step away, I find it easier now to just get on with my life and not dwell on that. Except for the one I fell for 2 years ago (there’s always one, isn’t there?!). But I have allowed myself to mope a little over that situation….
    however, I must say in general, Rori and the blog have helped me to look for the good things and appreciate the world around me more and to appreciate myself more. I still get sad and angry…and as the English guy just poofed after he declared he was heading towards relationship – I didn’t get anrgy, just puzzled as to what happened. he was nice, but meh…there are other nice guys. NEXT!! :)
    Now if I could apply that attitude to Mr U – I’d be the happiest person on earth….but I can’t. Still need to grow a lot therefore!!

    Thursday, 28 June 2012 @ 6:50am

  536. 536: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    @531 Goldenflower – Thanks for your feedback. The idea of waiting till my mutual friend is with him feels good. I’m not sure how old he is, but I feel like he is my age or older, since our mutual friend is about 5 years older than me. Older feels attractive, but I also have a hard time trusting older men for some reason. I honestly can’t tell if he is a “good guy” or not. The staring does feel a little creepy/intense/sexual.

    Thursday, 28 June 2012 @ 6:55am

  537. 537: RebeccaNo Gravatar says:

    FW ~ yes I guess my inner dialogue is very negative. I am constantly thinking to myself what have I got to offer a man? I want him to like me? Find me interesting? Enjoy being with me?

    I am constantly doubting myself.

    Deep down I don’t feel worthy for a man.

    I felt from a young age I never felt I had a lot to offer. I was never picked so to speak. So deep down I have never gained the confidence around men. I feel I am always trying to please them and say the right thing.

    Thursday, 28 June 2012 @ 6:55am

  538. 538: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    @534 Feminine woman – that possibility felt so good to consider, and might even be true. Thank you!

    Thursday, 28 June 2012 @ 6:56am

  539. 539: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    @538 Rebecca – Bless your heart. I feel as though it would really shift your vibe if you absolutely STOPPED trying to please men and “say the right thing” and STARTED trying to please yourself and “say the honest thing.” (((((Rebecca)))))

    Thursday, 28 June 2012 @ 7:01am

  540. 540: TamNo Gravatar says:

    540 – Rebecca, it does resonate with me….I used to do this, and still do this – and try to catch myself. I do it with everyone, not just men. I try to please…and then get anrgy because time and time again it does not get any good results…quite to the contrary. My own father thinks he can say hurtful things to me and I just smile and laugh – I want to say ‘how dare you?!’ but I am in his house and need to tread softly. He has digs at me all the time, he is not a very happy man and does the same with his wife. She barks back but I have to ‘behave’ and now he thinks I have no backbone and he can continue to treat me like I am ‘no good’.
    Jeepers, I left home aged 19 and was always independent and now I got into a situation and it’s almost like it’s a big problem to have me live there for a few months. This is my father and I have an emergency need. And I just smile, yet I want to tell him how it feels to feel so small.
    This is a man who said when I got a Uni degree:
    ‘well if you think that will make you any better then the rest of us, I don’t believe so’. Nice, eh?
    I do it also with men, try to please, try to do the right thing, say the right thing etc. But I make little changes, I have included feeling messages….good and bad…and it really does change things…
    Rebecca, you have come a long way it seems, I believe awareness it the key to change….
    we are all struggling with issues.
    You are doing so well admitting yours..you go girl!! :)

    Thursday, 28 June 2012 @ 7:17am

  541. 541: TamNo Gravatar says:

    I was the ultimate doormat who tried to please everybody and when it didn’t work, or people started abusing it, all my feelings, which I had bottled up would spill out in a big explosion. So unhealthy and so wrong.
    I am trying to change this little by little…it’s hard when that’s all you’re used to doing is stuffing feelings and smiling, pretending. Pfffff.
    I find it easier to admit good feelings than bad. And much easier on paper than speech.
    I struggle. I don’t think I ever managed to tell anyone other than my best female friend ‘this feels bad’ or ‘I feel bad/mad/sad/angry’.
    Honestly.
    I have told MrU happy feelings, and other guys/people, but when I felt sad about something he did I would usually write it in a text or email, still he did appreciate it…but just goes to show how much of a long way I have ahead of me. Pfff.
    Spamming now..

    Thursday, 28 June 2012 @ 7:24am

  542. 542: Dancing SirenNo Gravatar says:

    FW re 533,

    Thank You

    :-) I feel excited to share this with you.

    Thursday, 28 June 2012 @ 7:29am

  543. 543: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    I feel excited for you my dear. I am particularly excited that despite the fact that you are back home and have even been struggling financially you did not just accept his offer for moving in with him. You voted for yourself and want you want. Even if you decide later to change this you spoke your truth up front. I believe he will respect you more for this.

    Thursday, 28 June 2012 @ 7:42am

  544. 544: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Rebecca one of these days go out in public. Take a look at all the people/women around you and just know that we all have these same issues. Even the bombshell movie star. They have these same issues. Think about what Kevin Costner said at Whitney Houston’s funeral. Read the category below In the News/Celebrities. The teeming masses of humanity have these issues. Welcome to being human. Choice is what can make the difference. Sorry to sound preachy but it is what helped me.

    Thursday, 28 June 2012 @ 7:51am

  545. 545: siren songNo Gravatar says:

    FW,

    thanks. yes, i am trying every day to do an inner bonding process to heal this and learn to keep myself and my heart open.

    my heart was closed to him so much. i still love him so much and my throat feels tight thinking about him with someone else.

    oh well. i have to surrender to that sad feeling. if he ends up with another woman in a serious way he was not for me anyhow.

    his anger towards me (and himself) felt really scary. and it was getting worse. so him pulling away makes sense. i felt like a little kid being yelled at. and i started to shrink myself away too.

    Thursday, 28 June 2012 @ 7:53am

  546. 546: siren songNo Gravatar says:

    yay for voting for yourself!

    Thursday, 28 June 2012 @ 7:54am

  547. 547: siren songNo Gravatar says:

    i feel really happy today. i woke up and stayed in bed with my back to a little fan that i bought last week. the cool air of the fan felt nice on my back.

    i had a nice inner bonding dialogue where i discovered that deep inside i don’t want to be with a man who yells at me all the time, but i had been trying to fix guy who loves me’s anger problems because i feel like that’s my job, to fix people who are broken around me.

    Thursday, 28 June 2012 @ 8:03am

  548. 548: TamNo Gravatar says:

    FW, too true, I feel better now also :)

    Thursday, 28 June 2012 @ 8:06am

  549. 549: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    I agree FW, no plans for them to meet. He may want to meet someone who will be around the girls… But if it’s just a friend, that’s odd. Besides, not sure how R would feel.

    I have a cold sore, makes me feel unkissable. Hope it clears up fast.
    Today, I miss dreamy again, and wish he hadn’t poofed.

    Thursday, 28 June 2012 @ 8:14am

  550. 550: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Turquoise I believe it is your life and he chose not to be a part of it. It is up to you if and when you so choose to introduce them. He doesn’t have the option to control that. If he is concerned about him sleeping over I would choose to remind him that I pay rent and as a renter I have the freedom to invite who I want to sleep over. Frankly, if I were you I would prefer that C does not sleep there, unless there is a separate appartment. One of the reasons why I felt skeptical about the arrangement.

    Thursday, 28 June 2012 @ 8:52am

  551. 551: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks for the feedback. R isn’t sleeping over, although he’s brought sleepovers up 3 times, I get the feeling he doesn’t want to be alone. C isn’t staying at the house it I am there anymore. Too much for any other people to understand. Now that we are both dating, neither of us want to explain that.

    Thursday, 28 June 2012 @ 9:30am

  552. 552: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    This process has ups and downs. I’m exhausted butvi sm healing.

    Thursday, 28 June 2012 @ 10:16am

  553. 553: TereanaNo Gravatar says:

    Tam – I just got your message from a few days ago. Thank you!!

    Thursday, 28 June 2012 @ 10:56pm

  554. 554: EsteemedNo Gravatar says:

    Turquoise ,

    373 – Thank you!

    Friday, 29 June 2012 @ 6:20am

  555. 555: EsteemedNo Gravatar says:

    Jessie

    370 – Thank you! Yes, I am totally with you about guy friends!!! Over 20 years ago, my counselor, a man, encouraged me to make friends with different men, saying that it is a necessary part of my social development.

    So I’ve always made a point to remain friends with whichever men wanted to remain friends with me. I still believe it will be romantic between R and me someday, but in the meantime, I decided to go with the flow and enjoy his friendship.

    And K’s friendship has been there for me for 12 years, which has been a very rich relationship on many levels.

    Friday, 29 June 2012 @ 6:24am

  556. 556: EsteemedNo Gravatar says:

    Receiving Girl,

    303 – Thank you!

    Friday, 29 June 2012 @ 6:27am

  557. 557: TamNo Gravatar says:

    557 Esteemed – I am very glad to hear this, because I believe in ‘connection’, whichever way it comes.

    Monday, 2 July 2012 @ 4:54am

  558. 558: EsteemedNo Gravatar says:

    Tam,

    Thanks! I am finding that this friendship view only for R is totally helping me keep my sanity around him. And then I can relax and enjoy the friendship more, even tho I wish it were romantic.

    Monday, 2 July 2012 @ 7:39am

  559. 559: ConfusedNo Gravatar says:

    Dear Rori

    I am a bit confused with his reaction when I use feeling messages. They seem to work when I express my sadness, but from the very beginning his reaction to positive feeling has been puzzling.
    If we’re watching the sunset and I feel it down to my toes and I express this and how good it is to feel like this in his presence, he just gets very worried that this is not what he feels.
    Do you think he is more a feminine energy man? And how should I approach him to create a connection?
    I appreciate your help here.

    Many thanks
    C

    Wednesday, 25 July 2012 @ 9:20am

  560. 560: Rori RayeNo Gravatar says:

    Confused – how about you ASK him? Just say…”I just noticed when I said….that things felt a little tense…can I ask you what you’re thinking?” And he doesn’t have to tell you, either! Just you being willing to hear may be all he needs. Love, Rori

    Wednesday, 25 July 2012 @ 1:20pm

  561. 561: ConfusedNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you so much Rori, this is very helpful.

    Wednesday, 25 July 2012 @ 1:46pm

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