Affirmations I Once Told Myself – Just Before I Met My Husband

I just came across a set of affirmations and notes I’d written on index cards (going back more years than I want to imagine) – from classes and workshops I did just before I met my husband.

So I wrote them here for you – let me know if anything feels helpful to you (feel free to copy and paste anything you like into your own computer, change my name to yours, and paste them on your mirror):


I am enough

I do enough

I have enough

Everything I need in all areas of my life is coming to me at exactly the right time.

I am an unlimited magnificent being!



I, Rori, trust myself completely now

I, Rori, am willing to forgive my mother now

I, Rori, always make the right choice. My timing is perfect.


It’s safe for me, Rori, to be here

I made the right choice

My body is safe no matter how I feel

I, Rori, can have what I want. I deserve to have what I want

I, Rori, deserve to be happy and loved

It’s safe for me, Rori to have what I want.



Rori, I forgive you completely

Rori, I set you free


I, Rori, trust and love myself completely now


I, Rori, am willing to surrender to What Is and know Love is there

Surrender is not giving up.

Surrender is letting go of the thought that I can control this situation.


It’s OK to be sensual, sexual, successful and satisfied.

It’s safe to be all that I am

Rori, There’s plenty of time for you to be, do and have everything you’ve ever wanted

I forgive myself now for even thinking I’ve ever done anything wrong.

****I am willing to receive a man who really loves me – 8-29-84

I, Rori am willing to receive all of the love coming to me now.

I, Rori, am willing to know what I want…

…to ask for what I want

…to receive what I ask for now…


I, Rori, am fully equipped to release any condition that is no longer appropriate in my life…it is safe for me to do this now


Hope you like some of these…Love, Rori

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912 Comments to “Affirmations I Once Told Myself – Just Before I Met My Husband”

  1. 1: roseNo Gravatar says:

    thanks. this is helpful.

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 6:37am

  2. 2: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    I feel moved.

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 6:44am

  3. 3: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you Rori, I feel hopeful, I will use these affirmations to attract the best for myself.

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 6:54am

  4. 4: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    Rori, it’s making me smile to believe I’m genuinely believing these things I am telling myself more. when I first came here I had to totally ‘fake’ these beliefs. I’m getting there…! Thank you 

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 7:03am

  5. 5: RebeccaNo Gravatar says:

    Mm.. Very appropriate..

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 7:20am

  6. 6: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    Eek… I’m getting excited, I think I’m nearly ready to start dating now… not quite but certainly feeling more ready 

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 7:35am

  7. 7: RebeccaNo Gravatar says:

    Smile, Ella

    Thank you for your comments in the last post, about positive thinking. It’s definately a problem for me. I feel I am too much of a
    perfectionist and if I screw up I get really, really angry with myself. Sometimes its like I don’t see the wood for the trees or something?!

    I am supposed to be a graphic designer but sometimes, and actually quite often, I make mamouthly wrong judgements about thing and completely mess up. When I realise I feel hugely embarrased, ashamed and ANGRY with myself. Like, ‘D’oh! What was I thinking?!’

    It’s like a viscious circle and I go on and on like that. Then I feel down and depressed and O’s usually do something to counteract the feeling, like have some nice food or watch a film that will cheer me up. Its a never ending cycle for me..

    Often, afterwards I see very clearly where I went wrong and feel very stupid, like I was lazy or something. My problem is lacking organisation skills and planning things out with plenty of time. I often rush things and then I mess up and get stressed. Yet I know this and still I don’t change.. Boy, I find it hard to relax.

    The truth is I don’t even know where all this comes from or how it started. I think its my job and being a creative person. Hmmm…? The problem is I have no idea what to change here..?

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 7:38am

  8. 8: RebeccaNo Gravatar says:

    … Also, regarding my neighbour, I realise now how little he was interested in me, how he only liked to talk about himself and barely asked me any questions about myself.

    Also, he did this thing of pouring out all his problems to me like I was his agony aunt or therapist…

    I realise now he was just getting some sort of emotional crutch from me and this makesme feel sad :(

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 7:45am

  9. 9: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    Rebecca, It feels to me you might want to explore what Rori has written on self esteem? What do you think?

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 7:50am

  10. 10: JasmineNo Gravatar says:

    I’ve felt confident like that but sometimes I lose it.

    It’s like it can’t just stay.

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 7:54am

  11. 11: JasmineNo Gravatar says:

    My motivation comes and leaves. I don’t know how to hold it.

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 7:54am

  12. 12: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Daring Act of Love: Start Your Day by Taking Care of Your Needs
    Upon waking, open your eyes and then close your eyes immediately. Put one hand on your belly and one on your heart. Take three deep breaths and ask yourself this question: “What do I need in order to take care of me today?” Listen for your best friend’s answer (that is the voice of your Inner Wisdom). She will tell you. Whatever she says, make sure you get it. Make a commitment every morning to give yourself what your Inner Wisdom says you need. This may be a actual thing, an action to take, or who knows! Do this ritual for seven days and notice the impact. Become aware of which of your unconscious anti-self-care beliefs get revealed and which of your habitual patterns get pushed out of their comfort zone. Challenge yourself to go beyond comfort into radical self-care!

    For extra support, keep a journal close to your bed and write down what your Inner Wisdom says and the commitment you make – on behalf of yourself as your own b.f.f – each morning. Use it as a big permission slip that says, “You can <> today.” Rip the page out of the journal and take it with you as you go about your day. When the time comes to take action, read the permission slip to yourself and take the radical act of believing you are worth spending your time on.

    The excerpt above was taken from the book “Madly in Love with ME: The Daring Adventure to Becoming Your Own Best Friend” written by Christine Arylo and published November 2012 by New World Library.

    To receive the free Self-Love Kit including a hand-illustrated e-book and powerful self-love teachings, including on radical self-care, from Christine Arylo, go to

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 7:57am

  13. 13: JasmineNo Gravatar says:

    And yes,

    I need to surrender. Because I can’t control this anymore. I can’t spend the most beautiful part of my life going over the same stuff, getting nowhere.

    I do want to stop completely.

    Sometimes I just can’t.

    But I want to

    I do want to.

    I want to so much.

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 7:59am

  14. 14: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    How to discuss where the relationship is going

    First of all, you should. You absolutely should talk about where the relationship is going. People often joke that men always bolt when women try to have a talk about commitment. However, this isn’t true. The truth is that most men who are emotionally mature enough to be worth your time will be glad to share expectations and hopes about the relationship.

    You will get a quality guy when you help men to self-select (or unselect themselves). You can do this by courageously pursuing interactions that work well with quality men. In other words, if you demand quality from a guy, he will either rise to the challenge (what quality men do) or act like you are demanding something unreasonable (what emotionally immature men do). Yes, you will likely end up sifting through more potential partners this way, but in the end you will have wasted far less time (because you avoid long relationships that are going nowhere).

    For now, allow me to offer you two pieces of advice that can be quite useful if you’re going to attempt “the talk” with a guy you’ve been seeing.

    1.Approach the discussion while in a positive mood state. Talk about what you do want rather than what you don’t want.
    2.Don’t expect him to be on the same page with you. Don’t let yourself get caught off guard by this. The simple fact is, men have a different timeline in their mind when it comes to relationships and commitment. At the point when you are thinking some sort of unspoken relationship has formed, he would be surprised to learn that you think of the interactions as “a relationship.”

    Negativity and mismatched mental timelines for relationships often combine in a negative way. In other words, the difference between your assumptions about the stage of the relationship and his assumptions about the relationship can create arguments (negativity). This creates a negative experience for men.

    They walk away from the relationship because emotionally it creates a negative experience. Men end up feeling blamed or disrespected for reasons they don’t understand. This can sometimes destroy a relationship before it even had a chance to get going.

    So if you’re ready to talk about where things are going, let all expectations go and approach the discussion as nothing more than a short, considerate explanation of a few things you are hoping to find in a good relationship.

    Watch for my next email on the concept of “propinquity” and how you can manipulate propinquity in your favor.

    James Bauer

    P.S. – Visit for more information on the importance of “clearly stating expec tations .”

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 8:07am

  15. 15: RebeccaNo Gravatar says:


    I have explored what Rori says on self esteem a lot. For some reason I am really struggling.. Hmmm…. Maybe I’ll have another look through…

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 8:17am

  16. 16: RebeccaNo Gravatar says:

    Also, I have a real big issue around the subject of self esteem. There seems to be soooo many articles and so much to take in, and it seems to be going right over my head..

    I’m just not remembering anything, or being able to put anything into practise.

    As far as I can summaise low esteem is worrying, thinking you’re not good enough, putting too much emphasis on what others think, being hard on yourself, beating yourseld up if you get something wrong, feeling like a loser if someone doesn’t pick you, compating yourself to others in a unfavourable light.

    High self esteem is thinking you are always right, trusting your own judgement, thinking you are always good enough, not comparing yourself to others, not taking yourself too seriously, being kind to yourself if you mess up, not beating yourself up if you mess up.

    Hmmm… I’m sure there are more here? It is food for thought for me…

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 8:25am

  17. 17: RebeccaNo Gravatar says:

    Hmmm… I realise my mum was very critical of me whilst growing up, and she was always ‘correcting’ my grammar and my spelling in a very condescending way. She would alwys smile at me in a smug, conceited way if I made a mistake. She would say ‘don’t you mean ……? It’s not …..’ and then she would laugh!! I would think cheers! Thanks for pointing out my ‘mistakes’ all the time. I’m sure she would hit the roof if I did it to her. Actually no, she would just totally ignore me, like it hadn’t happened… Hmmm…??

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 8:30am

  18. 18: CalypsoNo Gravatar says:

    “I can have what I want. I deserve to have what I want” I actually felt something inside of my body kick when I read those words . . .

    I rarely ever buy myself anything and I feel guilty when I do. My mother has always acted like I did something wrong when she sees me wearing new clothes – she askes in a terrible tone, “Well! Did you buy yourself a new shirt? Is that a new purse?” , etc. Even now, when she sufferes from Alzhiemers, she stioll notices if I wear something new and I end up feeling guilty – it’s crazy.

    I hide new things from my sons at home too – i would never just walk in the house with a big bag of something new for myself. If they are home, I leave it in the car. What a NUT!

    So, I finally broke down and bought myself a new car – it is red and shiney and wonderful and it’s all mine and everyone gives me a hard time about buying it and I don’t care, except that I’m back in court with my ex-husband trying to stop paying him alimony and his attorney is making a huge deal of me buying myself a new car! AUGH! I work hard and I deserve to have nice things!!!

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 8:31am

  19. 19: JasmineNo Gravatar says:

    I can’t let go of the thought that he will come back to me and acknowledge all of the things he’s done wrong.

    Nobody can be so emotionless. I just can’t think anybody can go through life like that.

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 8:42am

  20. 20: JasmineNo Gravatar says:

    Even if he doesn’t tell me anything, he’s going to have a time with himself.

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 8:44am

  21. 21: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    I am feeling a lot of yucky ashamed feelings today

    it feels rough.

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 8:46am

  22. 22: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    Rebecca, if it would be helpful, I could make you more aware of why I suggested researching self esteem from what you wrote but I don’t to appear to criticise you, as this is the opposite of what I want to do for you.

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 8:47am

  23. 23: JasmineNo Gravatar says:

    But then I have to learn to be happy with what I have. Zero expectations.

    I am an awesome lady.

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 8:53am

  24. 24: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    i felt yucky ever since my date last night. what happened was the wind kinda blew my skirt up when i was walking home from it, and he was driving by, and he totally like yelled from the window “i see you’re trying to flash me!” and it was kind of pervy made me feel icky (but mostly innocent, i’m sure), so I texted him, “omg marilyn monroe moment, yikes!” and he texted back “i had a lot of fun, thanks for the free flash” and i just have felt awful ever since.

    He also texted that he wanted to kiss me but he didn’t want to scare me off.

    I’m glad he didn’t kiss me. the timing would have been awful.

    Then this morning, a new guy joined me in my training session at the gym since it’s technically a class, but i am usually alone with my trainer. and we usually do handstands, which are very advanced. So the class was ending and I asked if we were going to do handstands, and the trainer said i could do them while the other guy stretches, or the other guy could join us if he likes. And it was his first class ever! And he decided to join us! But he fell on his head:( And I feel so guilty for putting everyone on the spot and that guy hurting himself trying to keep up with me and I feel yucky and awful and ashamed of myself all over.

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 8:54am

  25. 25: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    i actually texted my trainer a few minutes ago that i would do handstands at home from now on, and that i hope i didn’t scare that guy off.

    my trainer really wants new clients!

    ohhh i feel like a bad, yucky person.

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 8:57am

  26. 26: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    when my date said “thanks for the free flash,” I texted back “you’re not welcome. the wind hates me.”

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 9:00am

  27. 27: RebeccaNo Gravatar says:


    Please feel free to say what you like! I don’t feel like I need to be protected from critcism, in fact the contrary, criticism can really help you grow! I feel intrigued to hear what you were going to write… Hmmm… I feel excited..

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 9:05am

  28. 28: RebeccaNo Gravatar says:

    I realise my mum used to be quite critical of me. I remember one time she compared me to a friend of mine, saying why wasn’t I like her as she was so light and dainty and I was like a little elephant in comparison. I guess I’ve always felt ungainly and clumsy in her eyes. She was constantly criticising me for my socks falling down and my hair being scruffy. In fact she had my hair cut really short when I was very young because she frlt it was unmanageable. Hmmm… I remember that..

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 9:10am

  29. 29: RebeccaNo Gravatar says:

    Yikes… I realise I am spamming the blog. I feel uncomfortable now…

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 9:12am

  30. 30: ruthNo Gravatar says:

    Afternoon ladies
    Lots to read back

    Radlove, WOW! Whata speech.What strength

    Starla, focus on the nice dates you had and how much they liked you

    I am liking the affirmations

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 9:15am

  31. 31: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    Rebecca, I was wary as you referred to being critised in your posts about your mum and so the timing might not have been right for you to receive what I felt from your post.

    It felt like you were trying to put yourself down, here is what stood out for me- “if I screw up I get really, really angry with myself. Sometimes its like I don’t see the wood for the trees or something?!”

    “I make mamouthly wrong judgements about thing and completely mess up. When I realise I feel hugely embarrased, ashamed and ANGRY with myself. Like, ‘D’oh! ”
    What was I thinking?!’”

    As far as I can summaise low esteem is worrying, thinking you’re not good enough, putting too much emphasis on what others think, being hard on yourself, beating yourseld up if you get something wrong, feeling like a loser if someone doesn’t pick you, compating yourself to others in a unfavourable light.

    This is what I felt you were doing to yourself.

    I wonder if you could flip your thinking? Other sirens seem to be good at doing this when I jace asked for help to flip my thoughts in the past especially feminine woman. It’s something I have been working on too.

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 9:17am

  32. 32: ruthNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Rebecca

    No, you arent
    thats the low self estem talking

    You have just as much right to speak here as anyone else

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 9:18am

  33. 33: bloom-ingNo Gravatar says:

    i’m feeling loved… i went off for the day on friday & i went on a boat with my parents, my brother, & his wife. 2 times little girls saw me & waved to me : ))) i was wearing dress-up stuff : ) floaty pants & a long top that looks like fairies made it & a bright green sweater….. & i was smiling so hard & all the little girls were just………. the fairies in my entourage lol : ) i notice that my vibe resonates really strongly with children when i’m feeling strong & i know that is a sign for me ….. i love the women! a woman smiled at me today as i was leaving the coffee shop & said, “have a good day : )” & i felt so supported. by strangers! just imagine how good i could feel if i was fully open to the love from my family & partner… yummy!

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 9:19am

  34. 34: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    *jace= have, oops typo

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 9:19am

  35. 35: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    Rebecca, re 29 try telling yourself a different story. You are worthy to write as much as any other siren, you are on here posting more because your learning each time you do, which feels great.

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 9:25am

  36. 36: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    i seriously feel a migraine coming on
    i wonder if my intuition is making me sick over this date?

    it’s funny, the psychic i saw told me i would meet a guy fitting a certain fairly specific description, and he would be it for me. and this guy really fits it to a T, so I thought I would feel like “hey I found you!!” But he’s not it. I don’t feel well.

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 9:28am

  37. 37: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    I feel hesitant to post this, but I was unable to follow thru with no contact with R. It was eating at me all day yesterday and by the end of the day, I arranged to meet him while i was still in his town (an hour away).

    I told him I can’t follow through with it and asked if I could take it back. I started crying and said I live in fear of losing his friendship and I have felt confused, distraught, and scared for 3.5 years and I feel tired of feeling that way.

    I said you asked me how you could make me feel good, and if I am doing something that bothers you, please just tell me, please don’t let me figure it out on my own. For 3.5 years, I’ve felt like I am walking thru a maze in the dark, and I keep bumping into walls, and trying to figure out what is bothering you.

    I told him that I have worked really hard on being positive when I talk with him, so I haven’t really told him that for 3.5 years, I have felt so distraught and preoccupied that it has affected my jobs, and that I can barely concentrate sometimes.

    Among other things, he responded that I should just go with the flow, to stop overthinking everything. He said when he came over Saturday night, he was feeling really good up until I started telling him I don’t want to see him anymore.

    I went from crying to laughing at myself for overthinking everything. He said just be light and carefree, and be myself. He said it’s expected that you will make mistakes along the way as I learn emotional intelligence, and that is part of the learning process. He gave me a sweet hug and then left.

    I feel so much better!

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 9:29am

  38. 38: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    a lot of us feel weird/exposed/annoying when we’re spamming.
    it’s just human nature hehe.

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 9:29am

  39. 39: ruthNo Gravatar says:

    I dont know it it helps, but my therapist came up with quite a good idea to silence the negative self critical voices.

    Along the lines of-its just like changing a record(ok, CD or I tunes playlist for the younger ones here)
    Why would you listen to a band you hate?
    You have the choice to pick a band you like to listen to

    Its the same with those critical voices

    You dont have to listen to them

    Change the record for something nice

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 9:31am

  40. 40: bloom-ingNo Gravatar says:


    one time i dated someone who i just felt sure was “doing everything wrong” & who needed to “be put in his place”…. i kid you not, one sober sunday afternoon i called that guy up & was like, “listen, dude, i’ve totally cut ties & forgiven you – but i really want you to be clear that, as a human woman, i believe that you Lied & Acted Poorly, as you acted out of alignment with any reasonable “Normal” “moral” behavioral expectations”

    i was so clear, right ?? yeah, he was just like “sorry you feel that way. later.” lol ! & then i had a dream where he & i were “cleaning up after a big party” (not-so-subtle symbolism) & he was saying to me, “yeah, i’ve been asking other women i know if you’ll ever get over it & they all say yes, you’ll be fine” LOL i think most women have at least 1 guy that for whatever reason, they try to squeeze “right-ness” out of, when all signs point to Wrong : )

    the end of the dream was me asking him for help, over & over again, but eventually i just had to finish cleaning up by myself : )

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 9:36am

  41. 41: bloom-ingNo Gravatar says:

    wow ruth : ) i love the idea of changing the station/record… rori has said “change the channel” from your “misery” – but the less-technological image resonates more strongly with me : )

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 9:40am

  42. 42: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    Oops, I posted on the wrong thread:

    I’m having a text conversation with a new CD. I have felt turned off time and time again in our conversation, and I think I’m just going to end it.

    I have only continued it for practice, as Rori suggests. But I think he has reached the end of the line with me:

    CD: What are your fav places to eat?

    B: I responded

    CD: He responded to his question

    B: Yum!

    CD: Maybe you can treat me to one of them sexy. LOLOL

    B: I’m old fashioned, and I don’t care what we do, it just feels good when I’m on a date and the man pays for me. It makes me feel desirable. I don’t want to go on dates where I have to pay. What do you think?

    CD: Only joking

    B: I see.

    CD: You want a man also pay for you every time you go out

    B: I feel uncomfortable and very masculine paying for things. I want to feel like a girl. I feel happy just walking and eating from taco stands and making food together. How do you like to handle money while we’re dating?

    CD: Either I pay or I pay one time girl. Pay one time or make food together.

    How would you respond?

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 9:45am

  43. 43: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    i like to put on the record “love to me love to me forgiveness to me”
    it’s a nice song:) my favorite, really.

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 9:48am

  44. 44: siren songNo Gravatar says:

    i love this, rori!

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 9:55am

  45. 45: ruthNo Gravatar says:

    Radlove, I dunno

    I have always gone halves or paid for stuff, and i do have a problem with this part of it

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 9:56am

  46. 46: bloom-ingNo Gravatar says:

    i also was thinking why i feel so sad at work. it’s because it feels “ugly” to me – not comfortable, not free, not open, not warm, not soft……. so i decided to go for a drive & find the place where i want to go to work every day : ) my daddy is going to take the morning from work on the day i said to go with me to explore : )))))))))))) HAPPY BABYYYYYYY YAY LK : )

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 9:57am

  47. 47: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Radlove if you have not met him yet you owe no explanation. I would just let it hang.

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 9:59am

  48. 48: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    I feel burned out on texting

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 10:01am

  49. 49: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    Ruth and FW,

    Thanks for your feedback.

    CD: Hello

    CD: Still want to talk

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 10:03am

  50. 50: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    FW, I considered letting it hang, but here is what I finally decided to say:

    B: Here’s the thing. I got about 100 responses to my post. I have felt turned off several times. I’m sorry, I just don’t want to pursue this.

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 10:08am

  51. 51: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    Rori, that was beautiful. I feel sadness and connectivity and I feel pain and beauty inside me reading it.

    I feel so overwhelmed. Months ago, I told Jack CD everything I was feeling. I mean I wrote it all down and I gave it to him.

    I felt so relieved after I did it. I tried to explain to him how I am…how I know my behavior is hot and cold and confusing.

    and it helped me to let go and lean back and stop obsessing. and I focused on other things, really worked on MY life, and my relationship with God, and felt free and happy, happier than I’d felt all year.

    I told him how much I appreciated his patience with me and how much I respected him and I told him how nervous and confused I felt but how good I felt and how scared I felt too.

    When I saw him again, I could tell he felt really flattered and validated. He thanked me for the note, but it was like he wasn’t taking my feelings seriously or something. Like, he just talked about the aesthetics of the letter and didn’t say anything about the emotional content.

    and I felt really vulnerable and exposed and scared and shaky around him after I did that.

    because he didn’t attempt to contact me after that.
    and I thought that it meant that he didn’t care about me, not even as a friend.

    so I forgot about him.

    I leaned so far back, if he was the east, then I became the west.

    I avoided him.
    I stopped thinking about him.
    I really thought I had forgotten about him.

    months past, and I had given up completely. and all of the sudden, it’s like, he wants my attention again.

    He looks into my eyes and he comes and sits down next to me (I told him multiple times that I felt so good when he sat close to me) and tries to talk to me and instead of opening my heart and telling him it made me feel (COMPLETELY confused, scared, angry, sad) I just froze him out.

    He was like, really gentle with me, and I didn’t know how to take it.

    and I fell back into old patterns. I completely freaked out and froze. and it was like I couldn’t respond to him at all.

    and I feel like he could feel me freezing and shutting him out, so he moved seats.

    and I felt like I made him feel bad, like he couldn’t do anything right or something. (ironic, since I feel like I’m the one who can’t do anything right.)

    but I just didn’t know how to take it or how to handle my emotions after not seeing him for so long.

    which I know guys don’t like when you can’t handle your emotions. don’t they see it as immature or something?

    I couldn’t NOT feel something for him even if I tried.

    I feel stuck, in limbo. and I feel nervous and embarassed around him now. and I feel like I want to apologize, but then there’s this other part of me that’s like “WHY? YOU DID NOTHING WRONG!”

    and other guys have been coming around now, and the emotions I feel the most are intense anxiety and fear and it makes me feel sad and hopeless. :(

    and no requests for dates. I feel undateable.

    I keep reading “the woman has to move first.” I thought the man had to move first, while the woman had to lean back, respond, and feel?

    I guess I’m not responding, by not smiling, and by shutting down my heart instead of opening it.

    It feels so difficult and un-natural to open my heart and let men in.

    i don’t want to let just anyone in! It feels disrespectful to the ONE who I want to end up with, whoever he is!

    I feel sad and so confused and embarassed and scared…

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 10:09am

  52. 52: RebeccaNo Gravatar says:

    Smile, Ruth

    Thank you! Your words are really helpful

    I think I am feeling very triggered today because I’m in the midst of job hunting and I’m finding it very, very stressful.

    I work in a highly competitive media industry where you have to be seen to walk the walk and talk the talk, and it is just NOT me, as I am such a down-to-earth person and find it difficult to take things sooo seriously. It’s such a dog eat dog world and I would love to get out of it and retrain but I just don’t have it in me as it is all that I know. Everyday feels like a battle. I feel like I jusr don’t FIT in and that nothing I say is VALID. I work in a very corporate industry that is also highly masculine where everyone has one up the other and I hate it. I feel so stressed by it. It is so highly competitive… Arggghhh… I just can’t seem to get my head around it… I never feelgood enough… I realise I need to process this… I always feel like I am being judged badly… Pheeewww…. Breath…. Relax…. Don’t be so hard on yourself… It just all feels so uphill and overwelming… And like I’m asmall child in a adult world… Pffffffttt

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 10:10am

  53. 53: RebeccaNo Gravatar says:

    Smile, Ruth

    Thank you! Your words are really helpful

    I think I am feeling very triggered today because I’m in the midst of job hunting and I’m finding it very, very stressful.

    I work in a highly competitive media industry where you have to be seen to walk the walk and talk the talk, and it is just NOT me, as I am such a down-to-earth person and find it difficult to take things sooo seriously. It’s such a dog eat dog world and I would love to get out of it and retrain but I just don’t have it in me as it is all that I know. Everyday feels like a battle. I feel like I jusr don’t FIT in and that nothing I say is VALID. I work in a very corporate industry that is also highly masculine where everyone has one up the other and I hate it. I feel so stressed by it. It is so highly competitive… Arggghhh… I just can’t seem to get my head around it… I never feelgood enough… I realise I need to process this… I always feel like I am being judged badly… Pheeewww…. Breath…. Relax…. Don’t be so hard on yourself… It just all feels so uphill and overwelming… And like I’m asmall child in a adult world… Pffffffttt

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 10:10am

  54. 54: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    he was saying either he pays all the time, or you guys take turns, or he pays and and sometimes you guys make food together.

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 10:12am

  55. 55: ruthNo Gravatar says:


    I would, if i were you, seriously look at retraining to at least do something that you are comfortable with

    Its *always* possible, even if you have to do the job you hate for a while to fund the training

    We spend so much time at work, and if its THAT draining and destroying then you need to get out dont you

    You are worth it
    You can do it

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 10:26am

  56. 56: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Hm, you know the paying thing is a trigger for me too. I mean, here men don’t necessarily pay for things and bills normally are shared unless you are married..or have been together a long time.
    I believe the UK is similar though even there men tend to pay more for things than in Germany.
    I never minded splitting bills, in fact it made me feel less like ‘I owe them’ made me feel free.
    I have come to change my mind about it a little bit, because I actually like a man pay for me, it does make me feel great (and still a little uncomfy).

    You know, Ladies, it depends on the man too. When they make a big deal of it, like ‘ oh, I forgot my card’ and I end up paying (this has really happened), or when they say that ‘next time you can pay, haha’…I feel bad. That makes me feel bad now.
    I have found a good guy, a giver, simply won’t dwell on it and therefore it feels right. I found it best when men already see me pulling out my wallet and say ‘oh no, don’t you worry girl’ – that feels great!
    Or when they just jump ahead and don’t even give me the chance to pay for anything – that feels good.
    And my last two guys were expert…I mean, my ex bf was so cool about it and could read my mind and it never felt awkward and he paid for everything. Absolutely everything.
    And MrU is the same, he never made me feel awkward about the issue, it’s just that when we go out it’s not even a discussion…money does not feature. And on occasion I have pulled out my wallet and said ‘can I contribute’ (because it was gettign too much for me), he either frowns at me or does not even grace it with an answer – it’s just not done!!
    I just smile and put my wallet back and say “oooh thank you so much”.
    But when guys draw attention to it or tell me next time it’s my turn I tend to not feel good nowadays.
    That’s my take on it.

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 10:26am

  57. 57: RadloveNo Gravatar says:


    54 – It was confusing but I don’t think that is what he meant. He was saying he would only pay for the first date.

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 10:26am

  58. 58: TamNo Gravatar says:

    57 I agree with you Radlove, that’s how I read it, and anyway, when a guy says ‘you can treat me, ha ha’, that’s just strange anyway, I mean, really.
    That would turn me right off, like does he think he is too good for me or what? Pff.
    I am the Princess, please, he is supposed to want to treat me and not make stupid jokes… but that’s maybe just me :)

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 10:31am

  59. 59: ruthNo Gravatar says:

    Lama butterfly

    As I understand it from Roris stuff, all men have something to give us in some way
    As we have things to give them

    So, lots of interactions with men are needed to keep learning
    so you are ready for Mr Right when he comes along

    Nowhere does it say that those interactions have to be intimate. Or ven an actual “date”
    And so it need not necessarily be “disrespectful” either

    On the other hand if you arent ready to do that, then you arent ready, and maybe you just need to sit with yourself for a while

    I dont see anything wrong with that either

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 10:31am

  60. 60: bloom-ingNo Gravatar says:

    my mama says when a man extends an invitation, he is offering to pay. he is not “paying for” your future relationship – he is gaining by the pleasure of your company : )

    YOU are more valuable than a cup of coffee, a movie ticket, or even a plate of raw fish : )

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 10:33am

  61. 61: RadloveNo Gravatar says:


    56 – Me too. I make an exception with R cuz he’s on disability. But both of us shoot for low cost dates.

    K tells me adamantly THE MAN PAYS. And he’s a man. He’s ok with cooking for each other.

    Like you say, I just feel better letting a man pay and when a man just pulls out his wallet. And better yet when he insists on paying. I have rarely experienced that.

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 10:35am

  62. 62: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    bloom-ing –

    60 – I like what you wrote. Yeah, it is the pleasure of your company. And it’s true that I got around 100 responses.


    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 10:37am

  63. 63: RadloveNo Gravatar says:


    58 – Yes, exactly.

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 10:40am

  64. 64: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    @59 ruth – thanks so much for your perspective! It felt very calming. I just wish I could feel more confident and open and mellow when men “re-enter” my life in whatever way it is they choose to do that. I feel as though, when they go away, they should STAY AWAY, and I feel so angry when they come back, even if they just want to be friends or even if they are nothing but gentle and sweet to me. I just feel…rage.

    I want to heal this.

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 10:40am

  65. 65: TamNo Gravatar says:

    …I think it’s also something to do with the guy’s pride. Even when MrU was in a funk with his business, and money troubles, he still insited on paying and we just did low cost stuff.
    He is very old school and not having money for him meant that he just wasn’t dating….and that was sad also because for me the money makes no difference, I’d not have minded splitting things…but I think it is important not to emasculate a traditional man. They feel good when they provide and yes, exactly, our company is so so so worth it!!
    We are the yummy pies…and we like to eat yummy pies..hehe

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 10:44am

  66. 66: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    Love feels like anger to me. I feel like anger was the strongest and primary emotion shown in my family. Other emotions, good and bad, were not expressed with the same intensity as anger. Anger feels so good. Anger feels like love to me. This can’t be healthy…

    I feel so attracted when men get angry with me, because I feel like it’s the only way I know they care. Because people who feel anger towards you definitely don’t feel apathetic towards you. They feel possessive, they feel protective, they feel passion.

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 10:44am

  67. 67: bloom-ingNo Gravatar says:


    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 10:48am

  68. 68: StarlaNo Gravatar says:


    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 10:48am

  69. 69: ruthNo Gravatar says:

    Lamabutterfly, it seems to me that you have identified the issues in you that need looing at in more detail

    I think love can be very passionate, but it can be sweet and calm and peaceful and relaxing too

    Like you can just be yourself

    The drama and passion *is* exciting, but its not sustainable in the long term, i dont think

    Sounds like you have something to work on
    Maybe dont date till you have sortd some of this out, i dont know

    Maybe ive got it all wrong

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 10:52am

  70. 70: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    I felt anger towards my Dad. For leaving for long periods of time, long enough for me to feel disconnected from him, and then he would come back.

    I adored him growing up, and I longed for his acceptance and approval but I don’t think I ever felt it.

    I didn’t feel pretty enough for him, or competent enough for him, or loveable enough for him.

    He really was an amazing Dad. Acts of Service is his love language, and I feel like I failed to show him love in that language, as it is my most difficult language to speak. He tried to show me love in working really hard and providing for our family. He always did that, and he never permanently left us. Never. He’s a good man. He wouldn’t do that.

    and yet those feelings of “not good enough” linger strongly.

    I think that’s why I feel so triggered when guys leave my life and then try to come back into it. the constant leaving and coming back makes me feel so insecure and unstable.

    so when men do it, it feels like my Dad is doing it to me all over again. and I feel angry and scared of being abandoned.

    Dad never really abandoned me.

    But a man I loved abandoned me. He ran off and married someone else, after a brutal cycle of leaving me and coming back.

    I feel so stopped up and teary…

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 10:52am

  71. 71: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    thanks for the hugs, Sweet Sirens. I feel so heard and supported.

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 10:54am

  72. 72: ruthNo Gravatar says:

    Lamabutterfly, it feels like you are open, not stopped up at all!

    if you can see the patterns, then, WOW

    Three quarters of the way to healing

    You dont have to always follow the familiar pattern, do you??

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 10:56am

  73. 73: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    The text with the new CD continues, after I told him I don’t want to pursue it:

    CD: Why, because I will not pay for your meal every time?

    CD: You want a man to take care of you like they did in the old days? That’s cool that’s what you want.

    CD: Thank you for that email talks and the text talks I wish you luck.

    B: YW, thank you too and good luck.

    CD: TY may I ask why you do not want to go on with me? Something I said?

    CD: I pay when we go out

    I am still not sure I will respond or go out with him. One thing I feel turned off about is his spelling and grammar, which I have cleaned up quite a bit in transcribing them here.

    I also feel turned off that he doesn’t seem sensitive to me. My post was about a man getting to know my heart, not just my body. He went on and on with sexual teasing. A little is fine, but even after i gave him a heads up he just kept going there until I told him I wasn’t enjoying it. Then he started this thing about dating and who pays.

    I just don’t have any desire to meet him, so I guess I will just leave it as is.

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 11:00am

  74. 74: ruthNo Gravatar says:

    Ah Radlove, just bin him

    you have another 99 to choose from

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 11:03am

  75. 75: bloom-ingNo Gravatar says:

    I am enough

    I do enough

    I have enough

    Everything I need in all areas of my life is coming to me at exactly the right time.

    I am an unlimited magnificent being!


    I, baby, trust myself completely now

    I, baby, am willing to forgive my mother now

    I, baby, always make the right choice. My timing is perfect.


    It’s safe for me, baby girl, to be here

    I made the right choice

    My body is safe no matter how I feel

    I, baby, can have what I want. I deserve to have what I want

    I, baby, deserve to be happy and loved

    It’s safe for me, baby, to have what I want.


    Little girl, I forgive you completely

    Little girl, I set you free


    I, small human, trust and love myself completely now


    I, woman, am willing to surrender to What Is and know Love is there

    Surrender is not giving up.

    Surrender is letting go of the thought that I can control this situation.


    It’s OK to be sensual, sexual, successful and satisfied.

    It’s safe to be all that I am

    There’s plenty of time for me to be, do and have everything I’ve ever wanted

    I forgive myself now for even thinking I’ve ever done anything wrong.


    I am willing to receive a man who really loves me

    I, woman, am willing to receive all of the love coming to me now.

    I, woman, am willing to know what I want…

    …to ask for what I want

    …to receive what I ask for now…


    I, woman, am fully equipped to release any condition that is no longer appropriate in my life…it is safe for me to do this now

    ((((babygirllittlegirlwoman)))) good job baby you can do that ! kiss your feet

    want to make god laugh ? make a plan.

    kiss your feet for carrying you

    happy baby roll back, roll on – safety dance – giggle nonsense doodle fantastic & magical….

    & YES i will write these down in my hand & hang them where i sleep. i intend to constantly give myself the assurance & love that my whiniest baby wants : ) it’s ok little girl ! i would never ever accuse you of asking too much. you’re sweet & i give to you as fully as i’m able (which is actually unlimited) thank you

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 11:07am

  76. 76: bloom-ingNo Gravatar says:

    i don’t have to throw anything away. there is nothing to be “cleaned up” or “gotten rid of”. i’m already clean & unsullied.

    i choose to fly where i choose to fly : )

    i choose rainbows, gentle mists, clouds like cotton candy & i can eat them : )

    i looked in the mirror yesterday, standing nxked in front of a closet door that had been removed from its hinges & leaned up against a dusty basement wall. first thought: “oprah winfrey”

    LOL WINNING ! hahah…. yummy baby, yummy thoughts : )

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 11:12am

  77. 77: sunflowerNo Gravatar says:

    I met M online..he was abroad teaching a semester , but was to get back- so we emailed back and forth hoping to meet once he was back in the country.

    Well somewhere in the midst of emailing- he expressed in feeling messages that though he thought my flirtatiousness, and anticipation was lovely.. he felt unsure what to write/how to respond as he did not feel yet on the same page. And he did not want to suggest anything till we met in person. I understand that. Reflecting back- I feel I did overfunction somewhat, in the subtle ways we do in trying to move things quicker. And he sensed the masculine energy and pushed back.

    It did feel awfully weird to be told that I was coming on strong…but I follwed the sireny advice from here, and emailed saying ‘thankyou for letting me know. I may have written that awkawardly/stiffly..I don’t know, but I was feeling resentful/put off even as I wrote. After that, nearly I and half months ago, there has been silence. I also feel somekind of an awkwardness about what/how does one talk now after being told I was coming on strong.

    And Yet, I feel sad. He felt like a nice guy, emotionally mature and honest. I feel sad about the derailed communication. Would it be leaning forward if I dropped in a line saying ” I feel sorry that communication between us feels derailed”, Or should I just let it go..

    Would love to hear what you thinks. Lastime, both FeminineWoman, and Dominique’s advise made a lot of sense.

    Oh Yes, I am CDing others too…not anyone this honest and emotionally communicative though..:)

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 11:12am

  78. 78: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    @72 ruth – thanks, Ruth. I feel so supported by you. It feels really comforting.

    It feels very easy to be open here on the blog, but not when I’m around certain men.

    It is in those moments that I feel stopped up, and then I process and try to figure out my feelings later, after the moments of opportunity have passed, and it just feels really frustrating when I can’t do it in the moment when a man is approaching me, staring at me, sitting close to me, touching me, etc.

    and then I want to lean forward, over-function, and fix my mistakes.

    in those moments when I am able to open up in front of men, it always works out beautifully for me, but it’s like a two steps forward and three steps back kind of thing.

    I feel extreme frustration with myself. I feel like it’s a real hindrance in all of my relationships.

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 11:14am

  79. 79: bloom-ingNo Gravatar says:

    sunflower, i’d just want to focus on those good memories & even write them down as things i want in my future partner & not think of the “man” associated with them unless he was right in front of me, pursuing me : )

    what do you think?

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 11:15am

  80. 80: bloom-ingNo Gravatar says:

    iamabutterfly, dominique posted a while ago an article about no-steps-backward – you are not “regressing” – there is nothing but progress : ) that’s what i choose to believe… love you : ))

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 11:19am

  81. 81: sunflowerNo Gravatar says:

    Wow bloo-ming, I like focus on good memories and write them as things i want in future partner…I want a emotionally honest, and emotionally communicative man, who is also goodlooking..:)

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 11:20am

  82. 82: ruthNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you lama butterfly, that feel nice to hear

    I guess we are all still taking our baby steps
    We are all in slightly different places

    Right now, Im feeling exhausted with using feeling messages and i am feeling disconnected fom my man
    I dont feel authentic, i just feel needy and whiny, so i think its best If I am quiet for a while and am just gentle with myself for tonight

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 11:21am

  83. 83: bloom-ingNo Gravatar says:

    yum, sunflower !!!!! me too : ) i want that too! YAY !!!

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 11:25am

  84. 84: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:


    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 11:26am

  85. 85: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    i would like to feel worthy of a very very attractive high quality guy

    i don’t

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 11:30am

  86. 86: sunflowerNo Gravatar says:

    But I want this man too…present and pursuing me,
    And I want 10 more men,all eye-candies, brains, emotionally giving, and honest, and present and pursuing me…wow that feels terrific, and yum, and yay..;)))

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 11:31am

  87. 87: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    SunFlower did you meet him? If so how many dates have you been on?

    I ask because you said you “met” online.

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 11:37am

  88. 88: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    @85 Starla – you are! ((((Starla))))

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 11:39am

  89. 89: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    Iamabutterfly – #51 – I wish I could reach through this monitor screen and hug you. Sweetheart, thought it may not have been the best idea to spill all in a letter, it WAS REAL and AUTHENTIC.

    That he didn’t respond as you would prefer, doesn’t mean he doesn’t care. This is the part about emotions men don’t like so much, talking about them. Not having them. Not showing them.

    And just because you open your heart to the world, doesn’t mean you can’t save special bits for someone special. There is a difference.

    I don’t think about what it is I show and give to K. It just is. I can still open myself to most everyone else too. There are no words to describe how it differs or why. Again it just is.


    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 11:42am

  90. 90: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Love Note of the Week:

    Your blocks to love are not conscious, they are ingrained patterns from early childhood.

    “We learn how to receive love at a very young age, and that love has conditions on it. As we get older, we seek out love that mirrors what we learned. This is not a conscious process. Creating love on purpose requires you to identify your blocks to love and remove them. Then you create from your true heart’s desire.”

    We are here to support you on your path to love.

    Love and Abundance,

    Orna and Matthew

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 11:43am

  91. 91: sunflowerNo Gravatar says:

    Femininewoman- haven’t met, no dates- pretty imaginary. Just email, phonecalls, and that is where things got stuck…even the ‘weird’ conversation was over email.

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 11:44am

  92. 92: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    I was just reading about the Pioneer Woman’s relationship with her husband. They met, clicked, he got her number, and then didn’t contact her for FOUR solid months! She was happy and receptive when he came back.

    I wonder what would’ve happened if she responded the way I did…freezing up, insecure, angry, etc.? She’d still be single like me…

    She was and is such a Siren. Had all of her men coming back in droves when she was engaged.

    I want to be like her!

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 11:44am

  93. 93: CalypsoNo Gravatar says:

    I had the strangest weekend with my CD from POF: Musicman. He drove 3.5 hours to see me and planned to come Friday night and stay saturday night – he got a hotel room and made some hints about me possibly packing a bag and staying with him – flirty in text.

    Then, he let’s me know he won’t be there until Saturday morning, so I go out with friends Friday night. Saturday he shows up and I meet him in his hotel parking lot. He hugs me and gives me a quick kiss and then asks if I’m hungry – i say starved and he asks if I mind driving, since I know the town. That’s fine . . . so, I drive.

    The date sort of went down hill from there – I can’t explain it other than to say that I kept feeling like he was forcing me into masculine energy. he paid for lunch and later for dinner and some drinks, but he kept putting everything on me – driving, where we were to go, etc. We never hugged or kissed again. it felt very odd . . .

    He kept making jokes about me being a stalker and he didn’t know where I was taking him when we were driving . . .he is the one who came to my town and then asked me to be the driver! Ugh. I did not like the way I felt AT ALL.

    NEXT!!! (Again :/ )

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 11:48am

  94. 94: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    sunflower – #77 – Let it go. Please. If he can’t handle this little thing, then what does that say potentially about the future. Any leaning forward right now would not serve you. It might/likely make you feel worse.


    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 11:51am

  95. 95: TamNo Gravatar says:

    4 months?? Oh no.
    I have to laugh about myself a lot today.
    I mean, I miss MrU, who hasn’t made contact since our last email exchange almost 1 1/2 weeks ago…and I am pretty sure he has met someone…there are a few pointers, and the fact he has gone off the dating website (for now). And suddenly I feel pi***d, that he didn’t go off the dating website when he was with me!! Well, actually he deletyed his profile (to show me) but I found another one by accident – that’s what happens when you are a ‘match’…hahaha.

    Now I am laughing about all this…and I had decided to be happy for him when he found someone – but I am not at!!

    So tomorrow by magic, I have a coffee there!!

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 11:51am

  96. 96: sunflowerNo Gravatar says:

    Thankyou Dominique…I am going to let it go.

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 11:53am

  97. 97: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    my coworker who is my friend and asks me to marry him sometimes snapped at me really bad twice today. i froze. he’s got some passive aggressive issues and telling him anything when he acts like this just makes it worse, and i do have a job to keep.

    so i just went into the bathroom and cried my eyes out.

    he can go f*ck himself. i feel so angry being talked down to like that.

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 11:58am

  98. 98: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    Yes I did say this, that there are no steps backwards. Once on your healing journey, you are on your journey. You may trip; you may even fall down and skin your knees, but you then get back up, dust yourself off, put a band-aid (plaster) on your booboos if necessary, and you carry on.


    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 11:58am

  99. 99: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    @89 Dominique – You always say words that feel so comforting and wise and thoughtful. Thank you so much!

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 12:00pm

  100. 100: sunflowerNo Gravatar says:

    And I going to feel like a siren, a goddess,
    into me,
    and letting go of all men who can’t handle little things,
    and I am going to draw the most emotionally available, and goodlooking and yummy men to me.
    Thankyou Dominique!

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 12:01pm

  101. 101: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    sunflower if I understand Rori’s way I would call that a penpal.

    Comments like “met him online” and “He felt like a nice guy, emotionally mature and honest.” are like clues to yourself that shows you are way too far ahead on the relationship timeline, in my opinion. You might already be thinking you are in a relationship though you have not met. I believe it would be good to look at this to see if it is a pattern that has been repeated.

    As it is an imaginary relationship I would leave it and not contact him. The fact he pointeed out that he thought you were coming on too strong suggests honesty and confidence to me. Maybe a man who knows himself and what he wants. A man who willingly speaks his mind. If he contacts you again it shows you are on his mind so I would allow him to lean forward and then focus on starting fresh.

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 12:01pm

  102. 102: ruthNo Gravatar says:

    Thats is helpful Dominique

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 12:03pm

  103. 103: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    I just feel so emotionally immature. and that feels frustrating to me.

    but I honestly haven’t had many good examples of emotionally mature women in my life, who I could observe interacting with men, expressing their emotions in a healthy way, and I really feel like that helps a great deal.

    I feel embarassed admitting this, but I actually learned a lot from watching this season of the Bachelorette! It was amazing to me to watch Sean in the Rejection Van, freely expressing emotions like embarassment and sadness and confusion. It made me feel hopeful for men…and for myself!

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 12:05pm

  104. 104: sunflowerNo Gravatar says:

    Thankyou Feminewoman. I don’t do long distance and generally see online as just a way to connect and meet in person. I agreed to connect with this man because he was coming back in a 2 months.

    But yes, I am going to let it go, and feel very supported in not leaning forward. Thanks..:)

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 12:14pm

  105. 105: kdrNo Gravatar says:


    Thank you so much for your answers (#397) in the previous post.

    This is now starting to gel for me. I have to remember that I am the prize! And if he does not see me that way and if he doesn’t try to take me off the market within a few months, then maybe I’ll date him casually (if I can; if I’m not too hung up on him). But no sex with him because I’ll get attached.

    How’s that?

    I am the brass ring. Make an effort to win me :-)

    Thanks again for your help.

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 12:17pm

  106. 106: blue roseNo Gravatar says:

    this is going back up a bit – about when guys pay or do not pay.

    it has always been an issue for me, and I am working on it.

    A guy I ended things with has reappeared, and asked to take me to the movies, then changed it to taking me to dinner, then said, well what would you prefer? So I said lets do the movie.

    He payed for the movie as I reached for my wallet and I thanked him. Neither of us had had dinner that night, so when we walked to the concession stand, he ordered a hot dog for himself. He asked if I wanted anything and I said small pop corn. Ordinarily I would have also wanted a drink, but I felt so weird because he has told me in the past that he doesn’t understand why the guy is always expected to pay, and I didn’t want to be insulting and say I would pay – because it was clear he was trying to change.

    I don’t entirely know what I was supposed to learn from that interaction. I also noticed I was being sorta bitchy, and when I caught it I stopped right away. Maybe that’s something to be aware of.

    Then when we were walking to our theater number, he joked around about me making a lot of money (I don’t – he makes more) and some comment I can’t remember about how he paid for me (my instinct was right about not ordering a drink). I think it was something along the lines of what does he get for taking me out. and I answered that he gets to hang out with me, isn’t he lucky. he laughed, but I honestly meant it.

    any comments/suggestions/observations are always welcome. thanks.

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 12:18pm

  107. 107: blue roseNo Gravatar says:

    oops. I swore. In moderation. I’ll change it:

    this is going back up a bit – about when guys pay or do not pay.

    it has always been an issue for me, and I am working on it.

    A guy I ended things with has reappeared, and asked to take me to the movies, then changed it to taking me to dinner, then said, well what would you prefer? So I said lets do the movie.

    He payed for the movie as I reached for my wallet and I thanked him. Neither of us had had dinner that night, so when we walked to the concession stand, he ordered a hot dog for himself. He asked if I wanted anything and I said small pop corn. Ordinarily I would have also wanted a drink, but I felt so weird because he has told me in the past that he doesn’t understand why the guy is always expected to pay, and I didn’t want to be insulting and say I would pay – because it was clear he was trying to change.

    I don’t entirely know what I was supposed to learn from that interaction. I also noticed I was being sorta “cranky”, and when I caught it I stopped right away. Maybe that’s something to be aware of.

    Then when we were walking to our theater number, he joked around about me making a lot of money (I don’t – he makes more) and some comment I can’t remember about how he paid for me (my instinct was right about not ordering a drink). I think it was something along the lines of what does he get for taking me out. and I answered that he gets to hang out with me, isn’t he lucky. he laughed, but I honestly meant it.

    any comments/suggestions/observations are always welcome. thanks.

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 12:19pm

  108. 108: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    blue rose, I would have put my arms around that man’s neck and given him a sweet quick little hug and beamed and said ‘thank you for giving me a fun time tonight!” and let it drop.
    silly men

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 12:23pm

  109. 109: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    I just got offered a pretty good part time job that i can do on my own time. I’m not sure if I will take it. It’s not the kind of work I enjoy, but it’s for a very good cause.

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 12:25pm

  110. 110: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    i mean, i would have done that in response to him asking what he gets for taking me out.

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 12:28pm

  111. 111: Memulo says:

    I feel so scared

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 12:31pm

  112. 112: JasmineNo Gravatar says:


    40 – ” i think most women have at least 1 guy that for whatever reason, they try to squeeze “right-ness” out of, when all signs point to Wrong : )”

    Yeah that’s true. I am trying not to care anymore.

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 12:39pm

  113. 113: bloom-ingNo Gravatar says:

    this really amazing man in my office just sent out pictures of a log bed he built himself : )))

    he’s such a good, loving, respectful man & i feel it’s nearly tragic that he’s made the lovely bed up with just a single pillow…. & i know he’ll find his Queen & she’ll be so AMAZED by him… (((men))) so much wonderful in the world, i swear it & believe in it (((wonder)))

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 12:41pm

  114. 114: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    Exercise makes me feel great. Starting to love zumba now I know a few routines and don’t feel like I have two left feet anymore. I feel energised.

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 12:42pm

  115. 115: JasmineNo Gravatar says:


    I feel triggered. He sounds like a jerk.

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 12:42pm

  116. 116: bloom-ingNo Gravatar says:


    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 12:43pm

  117. 117: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    blooming, that’s so cool! I love building furniture (out of old furniture, hehe). It’s one of my passions. I want interesting coworkers like that:D
    Mine are just meanies right now.

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 12:44pm

  118. 118: JasmineNo Gravatar says:

    Why do I feel so angry.

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 12:54pm

  119. 119: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    I want an amazing, smart, motivated, ambitious, guy that i think is just f*cking hothothot, who is sweet and good and pursues me, but I don’t think I have the self confidence to handle it.
    I would feel insecure all the time that he would abandon me for someone better.
    I’m not sure what to do about this.

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 12:54pm

  120. 120: JasmineNo Gravatar says:

    I just wonder…

    Is it ok to question myself for feeling a certain way?

    I always do. Want to know if it’s a pattern.

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 12:55pm

  121. 121: JasmineNo Gravatar says:


    118 – I want just the same as you. My problem is actually not self-confidence, oh boy any man can want me and be crazy about me. My problem is I wonder if I will be able to love/like someone as deeply again.

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 12:57pm

  122. 122: JasmineNo Gravatar says:

    I feel so cold today. Pretty much emotionless.

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 12:59pm

  123. 123: TamNo Gravatar says:

    118 – Starla, I often feel like that too. Especially when the lovely CD poofed and left for another woman and the man I really like is out enjoying himself and not having the wish to speak to me.
    It is not easy to take with all the affirmations in the world. This is the real affirmation for me. They poof.
    No matter how much I can tell myself how wonderful I am, it sounds hollow and false right now, like a crutch when I should be walking unaided by now.

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 1:00pm

  124. 124: EllaNo Gravatar says:


    Re 25

    Awww hon.

    It is not your fault that the guy felt on his head! At all.

    Please don’t stay at home and miss your training sessions if you enjoy them!

    The trainer is responsible for the clients and could be guiding them as to what exercises are appropriate for their fitness levels and ability.

    Plus each individual is reposonsible for themself.


    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 1:02pm

  125. 125: EllaNo Gravatar says:


    Re 7.

    Sounds like the work might be around forgiving yourself and being patient and supportive of yourself.


    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 1:05pm

  126. 126: EllaNo Gravatar says:


    Re 8.

    This is an ideal opportunity to practice finding and stating your boundaries and communicating.

    Eg about not wanting to be someone’s therapist.

    You could also practice some FMs about how it feels not to be asked any questions.

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 1:07pm

  127. 127: JasmineNo Gravatar says:

    On Friday night I had this guy asking me out to go to this b-day party at a bar. I had NEVER talked to that kid, we got in a group together that day and so he got my number.

    I felt pretty weird and pressured as he asked me out without getting to know me first, we talked for the first time that day!! And for class purposes. Ugh. Don’t ask me out when all I know is your name. At least lets have spontaneous talks and then we’ll see.

    I feel like I’m really bad at CD. I don’t like guys that come at me so quick.

    Besides he’s short. I don’t like short guys. Not that I am picky, but short guys are a turn off to me.

    So complicated.


    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 1:07pm

  128. 128: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    @ Smile

    “As far as I can summaise low esteem is worrying, thinking you’re not good enough, putting too much emphasis on what others think, being hard on yourself, beating yourseld up if you get something wrong, feeling like a loser if someone doesn’t pick you, compating yourself to others in a unfavourable light.”

    Owww, Yeah! :-)

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 1:11pm

  129. 129: RadloveNo Gravatar says:


    74 – Thanks for your feedback. I didn’t respond any further, beyond what I posted.

    I know I am supposed to get to the place where this sort of thing doesn’t put me off. But it does. I just don’t feel like trying again each time one is a no-go. I am so sick of dating. I hate dating. and I don’t know if I will be any good at CDing when I hate it that much.

    I did work on leaning back, smiling, and 5 second eye contact at my friend’s wedding yesterday. I didn’t get much response but it was good practice anyway. I just wished R was there the whole time. I just felt lonely and sick of going places alone and sick of being single.

    A friend of mine posted some stuff on my FB that were supposed to be funny about me dating and me being single. But some had a bit of a negative flair, and I don’t talk much at all about dating on my FB, since people from church and extended family are on there. So I erased them. She probably won’t notice, but if she does, I guess I don’t care that she might be offended.

    I like to keep my FB positive and pretty general, for the most part.

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 1:12pm

  130. 130: RadloveNo Gravatar says:


    114 – Thanks for your feedback…it confirms to me that it’s not just me being too picky. It’s interesting how the older I get, my standards go up, not down.

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 1:13pm

  131. 131: JasmineNo Gravatar says:

    Oh Radlove,

    I totally relate to being talked like that and it brings me anger. So the earlier you stop him the better it is.

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 1:15pm

  132. 132: RadloveNo Gravatar says:


    126 – I would feel yucky if a man asked me out with no rapport also. I think most men move too fast, as a whole. If a man asked me out prematurely, I’d say something like this:

    I would love to get to know you better, but I feel weird going out with you when I just met you. I like to date a man after we’ve established a rapport. What do you think?

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 1:15pm

  133. 133: ruthNo Gravatar says:

    Oh yeah, you have to keep facebook mostly light heartd and un-emotional if possible

    (you never know what the other 99 might throw up-might be good stuff)

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 1:16pm

  134. 134: RadloveNo Gravatar says:


    84 – Thanks for the hug! Right back at ya!

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 1:16pm

  135. 135: bloom-ingNo Gravatar says:

    starla, i feel like i “got” a really amazing wonderful partner… & every time i see another lady that i think is wonderful, i’m like “awww she is so cool ! maybe she would be a better cook & be nicer to be around & have sexier legs & work out & smile all the time”…………………………………………………………………………………………………………….BUT but …. but ……… there are wonderful men for everyone….. & this one is my partner right now & he wants ME & wants ME to smile : ) yum…… jeez though i do feel that it is difficult to maintain that belief….. that, “despite my flaws” someone wants Me ??? so baffling, so confusing…… i find “Me” annoying & difficult so much of the time lol….. ((((me)))) aww hugs to me & love to me, & who cares if he leaves me for someone “better” ? right ? then i’ll go & continue along my merry way, staying on my Life Bridge : )

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 1:17pm

  136. 136: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    I think the key/trick for me is going to be in receiving and feeling totally worthy.

    Every time a gloriously hot/good catch of a man gives to me in any way, I vow to receive it with gusto and merit:)

    This should be a great first step

    I do deserve a fabulous man. I don’t need to settle in order to be worthy.

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 1:20pm

  137. 137: JasmineNo Gravatar says:


    131 – Thanks. “I feel weird going out with you when I just met you” would have actually been a very good response but I think I handled him pretty bad. I am still bad at feeling messages. That was exactly how I felt but I didn’t know how to tell him. All I told him was that I was going out with some friends but thanks for letting me know.


    I don’t think he will ask me out again. I don’t feel interested either.

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 1:21pm

  138. 138: bloom-ingNo Gravatar says:

    so weird to think “oh yes i just have low self esteem” so sad & dark & wearying of a thought……..

    there are no battles with thought – i can simply go another direction

    that’s true with men as well… there are no battles or battlegrounds… i’m on a pleasant walk & i’ll choose to change my path if i spot treacherous terrain or if i see a spot that looks particularly sunny…..

    i’m on a path right now that looks to lead me where i desire to go…. toward lack of tethering, toward intellectual freedom, toward emotional peace, toward physical & spiritual intimacy, toward self-knowledge…. go girl ! that’s exciting & i do intend for you to enjoy each step : ) you can do that kiss your feet

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 1:23pm

  139. 139: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Radlove re 37

    I just wondered if maybe it might be better to stop telling him you are going to end the friendship, have no contact etc… as it doesn’t seem like you are really ready for that.

    I wonder how it would feel to not say it, until you are 110% sure… and even then to make doubly sure…

    Otherwise how will you be able to trust yourself?

    When I constantly break my own boundaries and promises, I don’t feel safe, and then I am more likely to look outside of myself for reassurance, and for a man to ‘fix’ it.

    So these days I tend to hold off saying those things to the man… until I am absolutely sure in myself.

    I might express my uncertainty here.

    But it does help me to feel more secure, and I don’t have to do anything, until I am completely ready.

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 1:23pm

  140. 140: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    “I’d feel better getting to know you first before going out to a party like that with you:). What do you think?”

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 1:24pm

  141. 141: ruthNo Gravatar says:

    I would love to not feel the battles Blooming

    What a lovely way to exist
    How inspirational!

    I actually feel envious
    Id love to be able to walk that path and embrace that philosophy

    Hmm, its made me think

    Thank you

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 1:26pm

  142. 142: bloom-ingNo Gravatar says:

    ruth, me too : )) i want that & intend it for myself : )

    i love all the humans & i do not want to “defeat” any human – i love myself & do not want to feel “defeated”

    thus, i intend to refuse any “gauntlet” i perceive……….

    i can say, “awww thank you… how interesting….. i feel more like dancing than fighting though…. what do you think ?” listen closely for the music….. allow my body to move the way it feels most loving & peaceful…. : )

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 1:34pm

  143. 143: RebeccaNo Gravatar says:


    Thank you so much for your responses! I feel so seen and heard! Thank you

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 1:38pm

  144. 144: ruthNo Gravatar says:



    Time for me to go back to DRU (heart)Yoga

    A lot of roris stuff has similarities with this

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 1:45pm

  145. 145: Dancing SirenNo Gravatar says:

    So good evening Sirens.

    Well I have had a good/ish day.

    I have mostly felt ok.

    I have managed to eat a little bit more healthily and includes some vegetables, lean protein and swapped he white carbs I have been eating recently for complex ones. Also reduced my sugar intake from what it has been.

    So feeling pleased about this progress.

    This is my last busy week before my classes stop for the summer and next week is my last week at the pub.

    I am so looking forward to a break, I’ve worked SO hard this year.

    I am looking forward to taking care of my diet and nutrition a bit better, and just me in general. And then going back to work at a less intense pace in September as the debt situation is finally improving!

    I felt worried about getting through this week after the break up from S, but I feel ok so far.

    Still a little apprehensive.

    Because the main chef is away at work this week, S is covering, so where I would normally only have 2 shift with him, I now have 3… starting tomorrow.

    I feel really worried about it. I am not looking forward to tomorrow.

    Its too late to cancel or get cover now, plus I could do with the money to see me over the summer break, so I will just have to remind myself that its not long before I leave.

    Apart from that I have really enjoyed my time there.

    It helped as S texted me earlier with some really sweet pics and words about how we are apart now because he is on his path and has work to do, so that he can make his way back to me, and how hopefully we will walk away together one day down a beautiful path.

    It felt better anyway.

    Like there is still mutual love and respect there, despite everything.

    And it just makes it all feel easier to deal with.

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 1:47pm

  146. 146: RadloveNo Gravatar says:


    138 – Thanks, I agree.

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 1:49pm

  147. 147: Dancing SirenNo Gravatar says:

    Ok so I am sitting here, and I know that what I need to do for myself right now is take a shower.

    It would feel good to get an early night, and read my book/sleep.

    But shower first.

    And I need to put my clothes away.

    Oh I forgot to mention, that now my work and money situation is slowly improving I intend to help more at home.

    My Mum and her partner have pretty much done everything in the past 6 months… And I have done very little at home… have been so busy working and concentrating on the business.

    I don’t think they mind and it has been good practice for me learning how to receive help when I need it.

    I started off feeling bad then I spoke to my Mum and told her how I was feeling and she said it was not a problem and I felt supported and a lot better.

    But I would like to do more and intend to.

    I made some babysteps today.

    But did not feel up to doing much… but I can build on the start I made!

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 1:53pm

  148. 148: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    Lamabutterfly re 92

    This is inspiring me not to cut off one guy and have closure before moving onto the next as I have in the past. Thankyou for this reminder.

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 1:57pm

  149. 149: ruthNo Gravatar says:

    Hello Dancing siren

    I have to say, I feel SO impresed by how you have laid down the boundaries and taken control of a bad situation

    I truly hope, no, I believe thigs will work out
    you are one brave lady

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 1:59pm

  150. 150: bloom-ingNo Gravatar says:

    hmmmm yes i can do that !

    HOW ?

    there is no “way” to happiness – happiness IS the way : )

    lol it’s so simple & sometimes i tell myself “NO you must suffer” villian-voice, furrowed brow, tense tummy, angry voice to punish the aggressor (me)

    ((((((((((patience)))))))))) (((((((((((((awareness))))))))))))))

    i’ll keep writing my goals & living my words & maybe someday i’ll wake up & realize i’m already in heaven : )

    ok ok that’s a bit “ambitious” for my monday imagination……

    i’m going to go the anger, hello, &….. what in the world are you asking me to do ? because i don’t want to “hxte myself” like you say…. & i don’t want to “fear bxtches” like you say either. i don’t want the “men are dxgs” or the “men are drxgs” either ! but thank you for suggesting to me that i should take care of myself. certainly i should ! i should be aware of the things that make me feel unsafe & take a step back from them so that i can observe…. ok, you say you see an “ugly” thing & you feel afraid & angry…….. what would you like to see happen ? we cannot go around “stomping on” everything that seems more like a “wasp” than a “butterfly” & we simply won’t do that. i’m not Smart enough to “judge” like that ! i don’t want to be “unfair” & “fair-ness” is something that is far beyond me – so far that i need not ever think of it. just so with “control” & just so with “omniscience”…. & yet, i can go there – to an “omniscient” place…. & i will lose all context for this “reality” as omniscience has no place among the mundane…… there is no mundane…. see? there is no “reality” if we go to “omniscience” : ) lol i’m laughing at you & all your attempts to “logic” this puzzle……… it’s just love ! help yourself : )

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 2:03pm

  151. 151: Miss BellsNo Gravatar says:

    Rori on jealousy (2008) I feel like she is talking to me directly.

    “When someone else gets your man, it feels like a thousand knives being stuck in your heart. And all the high-minded thinking about what’s meant to be sounds hollow, and you just want to hit the person saying it (even if it’s your own brain).

    So let’s try this:

    When you feel it, say it. Write it down. Like this: “I feel jealous.” And then… “And it feels awful.”

    And then…”So what?” And “Yayyy…I can FEEL!”

    Instead of FIGHTING our jealousy, we have to find a way to move past it – into a place where we can gather our energy, our anger, our fear, and our jealousy, too – to create a NEW opportunity to have what we want.

    That’s it – a new opportunity. A fresh start, a new perspective, a new place, a new company, a new man.

    And the amazing thing is – and all my clients experience this – when you focus on the NEW, on the FRESH, on making each moment count as if it’s got a great surprise gift ready for you to unwrap, the OLD starts creeping back.

    It creeps back sometimes to pull our attention and drag us back into the mud of yesterday, or it shows up a something NEW. I’ve seen OLD men turn into NEW men. And I’ve seen OLD men show up as messengers to let you know for sure that you’re now in a PERMANENTLY new place, thank you very much.

    First step to the New is always to feel what you’re feeling. No denial, no shoving under the rug, no pretending.”

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 2:07pm

  152. 152: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Oh my DS.

    I too should share that I just had a talk with a dear male friend who insisted I tell him about my financial situation. I felt embarassed. I cried but at the end he kept at it until I had given him all the details. He ended saying he wants to see my bills and I must allow him to think so he can see how he can “attack” it. He told me I know that is where his strength lie and that I should allow him to help. During the conversation he initially asked me how were thinks and what I was thinking. Before I knew what I was saying “I feel lost and adrift” fell out of my mouth. I felt shocked and surprised at myself that it came out so naturally. I consciously kept bring my attention to my body while we talked. At some time I felt like I was in my head so I kept dropping my thoughts to my hand on the chair and my butt on the chair. It felt like a new and enlightening experience.

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 2:10pm

  153. 153: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    “I have learnt the power of leaning back with men. Men’s brains perceive leaning back in a woman as enigmatic, inviting, feminine, not controlling, self-confident…and boy, ain’t it sexy? It inspires his masculinity to soar and the polarity it creates will draw him closer and more passionate toward you.”

    Katarina Phang

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 2:11pm

  154. 154: Miss BellsNo Gravatar says:

    I understand what she is saying about talking to yourself–
    But–do I talk to the man about the feeling? Does the answer to that question depend on whether I intend to leave?
    She seems to say that we process it ourselves and lean way back–and only get back in relationship if the “old” cheater has become a “new man”. And if not–we allow a new and different man in and let the old go completely.
    Does anyone interpret this differently?

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 2:14pm

  155. 155: bloom-ingNo Gravatar says:

    feeling scared & angry & defensive….. love to me love to me forgiveness to me love to me love to me forgiveness to me….. love to me love to me forgiveness to me…. love to me love to me love to me love to me love to me that’s good : ) YUM i like it ! thank you…. sometimes i can’t hug myself tight enough…. love to me extra love to me there are always kisses & hugs & love for me everywhere it’s all love help yourself

    scary loop again. deep breath. love to me. love to me. i’m just where i’m supposed to be. i’m doing what i’m supposed to be doing. i’m making the right decision. i’m aware of where i am in this moment & here i am ! i’m right here ! where i am ! good girl.

    when i feel scared ? i do feel so scared sometimes… i feel afraid of myself. i feel untrusting of myself. i feel afraid of everything “beyond me” that i don’t understand…….. how magical & mysterious – how dark the moment after this one will be….. i feel curious about it & enthralled with the infinite possibilities… & i release a desire to control it or know how it will go….

    i get so angry-feeling around my “incompetencies”….. awwww baby….. there is nothing too big. i’m big ! i’m small, but i’m big too.

    i want to be the Big Woman without the Loud Voice…. what does that look like for me ?

    it looks like………. who is the mother ? where is the hearth ? ah…. a lost home by the ocean….. an abandoned fire……… my mind is lost in windy imagery from my childhood’s imagination….. hmmm…. have i been seeking loneliness & isolation ? have i sought pain & small-ness? beautiful isolation – a quiet dxath out on the moors in the storm while the waves hurl themselves against the rocks in agony……… ahhhh that is so beautiful….. & also somehow not what i Really Want : )) i give myself permission to release that Idea of “beauty” : )

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 2:15pm

  156. 156: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    My new night cream has lavender in it. I feel relaxed and sensuous. I feel like a woman. I feel moisturised. I feel sleepy, my eyes and arms feel heavy.

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 2:16pm

  157. 157: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    I like how I feel more empowered and in control of myself as I have become more aware of my feelings.

    For example, when I feel judged, I feel my body tense with anger. Feeling messages are becoming automatic, and i really like the new me.

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 2:18pm

  158. 158: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    Hmm do I feel like a woman? I think I’m still a girl actually lol

    At what age do you make a switch from being a girl to a woman? Is this at puberty? Is there an exact age? Or is it a feeling?

    I’m 28

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 2:20pm

  159. 159: FlowerChild77No Gravatar says:

    (((Radlove))) I’m wondering—since you do not really ‘want’ to CD—if the men you do have contact with can feel the vibe you’re putting out. Also wondering if maybe you are (without realizing it) ‘sabotaging’ your chances of meeting some nice men, by finding things to dislike or get turned off by before you even meet them.

    I know you really want R…but I hate to see you just “waiting” for him. I’ve been thinking about what you said…him sitting on the sofa crying over an emotional proposal on television—and you sitting all alone in your chair. I felt very said reading that.

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 2:21pm

  160. 160: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    (((new feeling radlove)))

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 2:22pm

  161. 161: bloom-ingNo Gravatar says:

    every beautiful woman is another sign to me that i am doing it right : ) every exciting, strong woman is a sign to me that i’m traveling in the right direction – toward feminine energy & strength… i feel judgmental toward myself & i feel “feminist” revisions welling up in me: be angry ! the men have done this ! you are a hunted animal ! you are prey for beasts with blood on their faces….. hugs lk ! that’s not real : ) love to me

    what does it look like in my womanly home ? i’m in charge : ) i make bread & cheese : ) i use my tools quickly, with joy. i make beautiful things ! i keep my children warm. i tell stories & sing songs. i share my heart. i cry still. i still cry buckets. my man & my children don’t fear my tears & it feels like opening windows in a stuffy room – all the air is clean & cool & calming….. here we cry & laugh together & no one is afraid. my man holds me & holds me above – holds me above the water, holds me “above” other women, holds me “above” everyone. i am his family. he is my family. our love is expansive & unconditional & without fear. i drift, i flow, i dance. i’m in love with the moment & with myself & with the ups & downs of living. i love change & i love calm. i live peace & peace flows around me. the women feel safe in my home & the men come to help. the “lust” in my home is all for me & all for good; the “violence” in my home is just the wind blowing & brings no “evil”. my quiet moments sustain me & the ringing in my ears comes from the deafening sound of angels singing : ) yum that’s all true & i love it : )

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 2:29pm

  162. 162: JasmineNo Gravatar says:


    139 – I already turned him down haha but I’ll save it for the next frog.

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 2:33pm

  163. 163: Dancing SirenNo Gravatar says:



    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 2:36pm

  164. 164: bloom-ingNo Gravatar says:

    oops! lol i just double posted into moderation… sorry! idk why it went there…. maybe xvil ? but i didn’t mean it “like that” feel sad & judged a bit LOL love to me love to me love to me full expression & no fear love to me i’m not scared & i don’t need to feel scared. i love me. i’m wonderful & unique : ))) awww i barely believe it but i know it’s true : )

    i’m trying to find the “trap door” in my “anger room”… i want to be super-familiar with it, so that even when the lights get turned out, i can still find it….. : ) go ! i feel proud of myself : ) hugs lk don’t feel ashamed : ) you’re small & you’re big : ) good job i’m not feeling like you’re going too slowly… i think it’s good you’re going at all : ) good job : ) who cares if it’s late when you get there ? you’re going to get to the top! one step at a time, i can do that, i can move up this mountain & i can actually move the mountain if i please : ) that’s true & good & good to say to yourself – i can move mountains : )

    i’m a young, beautiful woman with infinite heart, infinite music, infinite dance – i make 900 billion dollars per day & the whole world is made of glittery gems : )

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 2:37pm

  165. 165: Dancing SirenNo Gravatar says:


    That cream sounds lush!

    Ummmm :-)

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 2:37pm

  166. 166: Dancing SirenNo Gravatar says:

    Radlove re 156

    Glad you are feeling good.

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 2:38pm

  167. 167: bloom-ingNo Gravatar says:

    we’re ending war over here ! we’re getting rid of it.

    it doesn’t work, i’ve decided, so there won’t be any more of it.

    thank you

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 2:40pm

  168. 168: Dancing SirenNo Gravatar says:


    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 2:40pm

  169. 169: Dancing SirenNo Gravatar says:

    I’ve had my shower.

    Feeling more relaxed.

    And a bit sleepy so off to bed now.

    Night night.

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 2:41pm

  170. 170: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    i want to end war too
    it doesn’t work
    it sorta works, when it’s pre-wartime and both parties are refusing to use diplomacy.

    but of course war is the result of refusing to engage in diplomacy.

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 2:42pm

  171. 171: bloom-ingNo Gravatar says:

    i feel scared to get rid of fighting in my relationship.

    what will we do when we get bored ???

    i’m picturing what to do when i feel bored, hungry, confused, nervous, upset, cranky………. i can say….. in the sassiest voice i please ! “baby, i’m feeling all wound up….. what do you think ? ” & if he says, “aww about what ? ” i’ll tell him. & if he says, “eeeesh, not now kiddo, i got things to do right now” i can say, “ok bye, i gotta go run up a mountain or tear trees up by their roots or throw lightning bolts or something, k ? ” & he’ll be like “ok baby be safe” & i’ll kiss him goodbye & run out the door like a fairy : )

    what if he starts feeling “bad” & “blamed” ? i can just say “awww sorry baby i’m getting the feeling that my mood is rubbing off on you. what do you think? ” & if he says, Yeah, i’m feeling bored & cranky too ! i can just say “oh, sorry baby. i’ll go take care of myself & we can talk about this later if you want.” thank you!

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 2:45pm

  172. 172: JasmineNo Gravatar says:


    158 – I felt a little triggered by this comment. I sometimes feel like I’m “sabotaging” my chances with other men but I really feel turned off by them. Not that I try to.

    I feel attracted to personalities and I haven’t found someone that I really like.

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 2:50pm

  173. 173: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    bloom-ing, you are inspiring me… i’m riding your trail of stardust today

    i feel scared to get rid of fear of being rejected/abandoned in my relationships

    what will i do when i get bored?

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 2:50pm

  174. 174: bloom-ingNo Gravatar says:

    what if in 10 years he starts being really “bad” & leaving me out & leaving me behind & getting bored & getting “mean”…….. that was the big fear, but after i imagined how safe & warm my kitchen-home will be, i feel safe. why would anyone want to leave? who would risk that perfect bliss ? oooooh big doubts in my mind…… “perfect” is a trigger….. seems “unreasonable” & “impossible”. that’s ok lk! how nice & free that you don’t need or want “perfection” – that’s free & open & easy & slow…. we do OK, then we make “mistakes” & so we try again a new way : ) it’s a way to learn skills. it’s the Scientific Method. if my first hypothesis is wrong, i make a note of it, & i continue to theorize based on more & more observations. a “good” experiment isn’t one where your hypothesis is “proven” – it’s an experiment where the “known” is well-documented & the “unknown” is explored. “everything” cannot be learned from a single experiment; tiny bits of “understanding” come with hours of thought & research. i do not want to “dig” in myself for answers, however. i do not want to feel “pinned-down” or “examined” – these are not experiments to Control “knowledge”…. they are simple experiments to explore terrain & choose a path that feels good *to me*. ultimate relativity in science : )

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 2:52pm

  175. 175: JasmineNo Gravatar says:

    I want to find someone who I enjoy talking to even if I don’t like him physically. Who knows where it might get.

    I started seeing this friend of mine, such a good boy, a gentleman, sweet, sensitive, but I found him so boring!! I didn’t block myself and still hung out with him until one day he put his arms around me… uhhh… it felt so yucky. Such an awkward feeling. I’ve repelled him since then. I felt so sorry but my vibe just changed completely. I started feeling uncomfortable around him. I didn’t really want to be more than his friend.

    But I don’t like short guys. I am so little already. 5’4 and 102 pounds. I like being with a man bigger than me. Makes me feel protected. And I like them with personality. Not sweet overly good guys.

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 2:58pm

  176. 176: JasmineNo Gravatar says:

    I want to be treated like a princess. Because that’s what I am. I want to feel loved and protected. I want to feel he is my hero. I want to be his girl. I wan to feel so vulnerable in his arms and feel that he’s so strong and soft at the same time.


    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 3:03pm

  177. 177: bloom-ingNo Gravatar says:

    & what if he “isn’t what he says” – what if he’s out doing horrible things all the time when we’re apart ?! lol i’m giggling a little at how explicit my vivid imagination can be. but ok if i’m just walking around with my head in the clouds, getting cheated on with every one alive, so what ? so what ? that has nothing or very little to do with me. i’m in love & i’m traveling toward it. that makes sense. that’s the important part. the “judgements” & the “future-knowing” can just be let go for now while i just keep traveling toward love

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 3:03pm

  178. 178: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    i feel so excited about my trip to Austin and then over to the caribbean, but I don’t want to post about it on fb. I want to mysteriously post pictures AFTER I get back, like “oh hey I just do these magical things”

    because I know CF can still see my fb and I dunno, I want to surprise that f*cker

    me so silly.

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 3:08pm

  179. 179: RadloveNo Gravatar says:


    425 – That’s a good suggestion, to just go on a first date and take it from there. I guess I feel sufficiently turned off that I don’t want to pursue it. I did consider that, tho. Thanks!

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 3:15pm

  180. 180: bloom-ingNo Gravatar says:

    jasmine, i’m little too & my man is maybe 5’6″ ? i had always dated men 6’+ but i didn’t even “notice” that he was shorter until he was getting something in my kitchen & i saw him standing by my fridge & thought, “hm i think most men i’ve dated are taller than that appliance” lol : )))

    also i think he is a “sweet overly-good” guy……. but……… jeez he isn’t boring ! jeeeeeeeeez lol, far from boring : ))) & not “soft” either. super masculine. but gentle : ) i like him : ))

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 3:17pm

  181. 181: JasmineNo Gravatar says:

    So I posted on fb my “don’t ask me out if all I know is your name please”

    And a friend of mine commented

    “so if you don’t know their name, it’s ok then”

    LOL he is funny. I don’t know what to say tho. It’s still funny.

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 3:19pm

  182. 182: JasmineNo Gravatar says:


    178 – Hehehe well that’s good. I mean it’s not that I wouldn’t date a guy who isn’t tall but it’s just my preference. I’ve been with not-so-tall guys before and it wasn’t bad. I just feel more secure when they’re tall.

    My friend was such a good person and I had good times with him but if it’s to “date” him he is so boring. And I thought it was only me who thought that but a friend of mine told me the same thing cause he got a little awkward with her… he turns girls off some how.

    I hope he finds his best fit because he really is a good person. Just not my type.

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 3:23pm

  183. 183: FlowerChild77No Gravatar says:

    Jasmine…I didn’t mean to trigger anyone. I’ve just learned over the years (I’m quite a bit older) that attraction is something that can grow over time if you give it a chance.

    I fell deeply in love with a man I never would have imagined myself even dating. He was not my ‘type’ at ALL. But the more I got to know him (and I let him kiss me BEFORE I was really attracted to him) the more attractive he became to me. He also turned out to be THE best lover I’ve had in my entire life.

    I was just trying to say that giving it a chance can really surprise a girl! 😉

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 3:27pm

  184. 184: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    I went to sleep all relaxed but I’ve woken up suddenly and feel all panicky and anxious. My heart is racing.

    I think reading the blog and being on fb today has brought up things that i need to heal . Memories I didn’t even new existed. I feel they have been raised to the surface so I can deal with them and heal.

    My subconscious has told me I feel a failure for being the only grandchild in my family not to have their own family yet. I dont even have a boyfriend let alone a bundle of children like all my brothers and cousins. I didn’t know this was an issue to me until I saw my family photos today, only I hadn’t even been invited to the party. Who would have shared my group photo anyway in the garden, it would have just been me all alone 

    At Christmas strumming man didn’t really bother about a present for me. I over functioned and bought myself a new bag, then he said he would give me the money back for it but never did. It pains me to think in the past he spoke of a time when he saved enough to take an ex girlfriend to America to meet his brothers. I didn’t even get a card on valentines day 

    Strumming man never used to pay for anything, he used to pretend on several occasions he had lost his wallet.

    Thank you subconscious for bringing these things to my attention.

    Why did I crave a man who treats me this way

    I don’t want him anymore, I am letting go

    I want a family

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 3:27pm

  185. 185: JasmineNo Gravatar says:

    I’m still thinking what to tell this guy on fb. I liked his comment lol

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 3:28pm

  186. 186: bloom-ingNo Gravatar says:

    starla, thank you : ) i feel validated that you share my anxieties….. & i feel sad that 2 such lovely ladies would find themselves entangled in such imaginary “stress” : )

    pray for me : ) thank you : )))

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 3:29pm

  187. 187: FlowerChild77No Gravatar says:

    Dancing Siren…I know you’re sleeping already in your part of the world :-) but I just wanted to say that I listened to your interview (the one you posted on FB) and you sound lovely! Your voice is very feminine. I enjoyed listening to you speak.

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 3:31pm

  188. 188: bloom-ingNo Gravatar says:

    jasmine, i’d say

    “aww now i’m giggling…. yes, a mystery man sounds exciting & delightful : ))”

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 3:32pm

  189. 189: k2012No Gravatar says:

    “all of a sudden he’d start calling me his “friend” instead of his “girlfriend.”

    Hi Rori and other ladies. I am new to this message board. I have been receiving Rori’s newsletters for quite some time now. I have found the advice that she gives to be very helpful. I have not tried any of her programmes as yet but boy, I will definitely have to do so very soon. But the newsletters are very helpful.

    I started off quoting you Rori from a previous newsletter in which you used the above phrase. I am in the exact situation you were in as I am facing that situation now.

    My boyfriend and I are involved for one year now. We are in a long distance relationship. I live in the Caribbean and he lives in the U.S. We are of the same caribbean nationality. We were close friends first for many years before we got involved. We lost touch with each other for some time and reconnected last year this time. It was at that point that we got involved. He is in the middle of a divorce right now and has been separated for 3 years this year. When we reconnected he was already separated for 2 years.

    In fact, we started out as co-workers as we worked together for two years and then a close friendship developed.

    When we got involved a year ago, I made sure to ask him WHAT KIND OF RELATIONSHIP HE WANTED. (not shouting, using caps just for emphasis). He said he wanted a long term relationship. I told him I wanted the same.

    The relationship was going well up until this point. Our relationship started out long distance. We message and talk on the phone every day. I visited him 9 months ago. He was supposed to visit me 2 times after that but because of a family emergency and a financial setback, he couldn’t visit until now, this month.

    It was expected that he would stay with me for the most part. He has family in this country as well including his mother. It was expected that he would stay with me although I would certainly expect him to spend a few days with his mum as well. A few days before he came, he told me he would be staying between me and his mother. In other words, some of the time would be spent with me and some with his mother. I really didn’t have a problem with that as i would be one of his bases and his mother lives 3 mins away, so much the better.

    I notice that since arriving in our country to visit me, its like he is passing through. This is the fifth day of the visit and he is hardly here (at my home.) There is luggage that was misplaced by the airline which he has not received. (well up until Friday, not sure if he has received it now.) He left my house on Friday morning (July 27) just after spending the night, to look about it, and he also visited a relative. He visited me on thursday in the day and returned to spend thursday night with me. When he came to my house, he did not carry any luggage which was rather strange because my home was supposed to be one of his bases apart from his mother. It was only one piece of luggage that was misplaced not the 2 pieces which he was allowed to carry.

    When he left my house on Friday morning, he promised to return later on in the day so we could spend some time together.

    The last time we spoke was Friday afternoon. He did not return and did not call to say he wouldn’t be coming for the night. I had gone on the road afterwards, but came back just at night fall so he knew that i went on the road afterwards.

    In fact, he still has not called as I speak. When he was here Thursday night, he called and said to a friend that he was at “one of his girlfriend’s houses.” (dont want to put on caps again but i know you all get the point). I was shocked. I couldn’t believe my ears.

    Over the years since knowing him, he has had a good number of female friends (not friends with benefits but female friends.) In fact, I was a female friend and co-worker before we got involved. So I am shocked to know that I am being described as “one of my girlfriends” instead of his girlfriend.

    We have not seen each other for 9 months so one would have thought that he would want to spend as much time with me as possible. How can he be calling me “one of his girlfriends” at this stage of the relationship. It is obvious that something has changed and if that is so, then the proper thing to do would be to talk to me when he visits.

    Many things are going through my mind such as 1. maybe he met someone else and is afraid to tell me. 2. He realizes that he is not ready for a serious, long term relationship after all.

    Rori and other ladies. I am here guessing. Basically he is not staying here and I have not heard from him since Friday to know what is the true position.

    Rori and other ladies, could u give me some advice as to how I should address this matter? I would be extremely grateful as I am at a loss as to the approach I should take. Anxiously awaiting your response. Thank u so much and sorry for the long post but I had to explain everything.

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 3:33pm

  190. 190: bloom-ingNo Gravatar says:

    (((DancingSiren))) thanks for the hugs : )

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 3:34pm

  191. 191: JasmineNo Gravatar says:


    Oh it’s totally ok with me I just felt related to that comment. :)

    However, this guy who I’ve been talking about, I really thought about letting him kiss me, but just having his arm around me one night made me feel so awkward that I never wanted to go out with him ever again. I feel so icky thinking about it.

    But alsoooo I remember I went out with one guy like two years ago and he was so not good looking. And he dressed up so badly. Omg he looked so bad. I felt really disappointed and I didn’t like him AT ALL. It was pretty much a blind date, I just had seen him in pictures and that was the first time we met. But we had been texting each other for a while and I really liked the way he talked to me… so when we left the place, I felt impulsed and kissed him (even though I DIDN’T LIKE HIM) and I loved the way he kissed me. So I started to like him hahahah

    And we dated.


    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 3:36pm

  192. 192: Miss BellsNo Gravatar says:

    I didn’t get to go to my writer’s conference because my dear friend’s MIL died and she needs me to doggie sit while they go to LA for the funeral. I am so not enjoying being around HS that I came over yesterday even though they don’t leave till Tuesday.
    I am hanging out in the cottage.
    I wasn’t going to say anything about the change of plans until I realized I forgot a bunch of food. I don’t want to spend more money. So I called him and he fell all over himself to bring anything I need over here.
    I told him–in a few days…
    It doesn’t mean anything.

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 3:36pm

  193. 193: Jessie1000No Gravatar says:

    Just saw my little sons father….met him at the airport because hes taking my son for a month
    (no kids for a month!!! lol im so excited….first time after 14 years)
    My little sons father said…wow, u r gettin a six pack lol
    and saw my real estate book in my car…hes like a spy and said omg when did u decide to do that?
    I told him its almost done, I will have my license in sept. and he was shocked….
    It felt so good…lol im so petty’
    He always told me that without him I was going to be nothing and have nothing good happen to me ….
    Oh well…Ive been gloating since I saw him…
    without any kids….lol even better
    I need a break and Im happy to say that I just cant be a supermom….everyone needs a break sometime

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 3:41pm

  194. 194: JasmineNo Gravatar says:

    186 – Bloom-ing,

    I really liked the giggling part lol. But if I say “a mystery man sounds delightful” I might be contradicting myself? Because I said , so I’d want to know a little more.

    Mmm can you think of something else? I will use giggling for sure haha

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 3:42pm

  195. 195: AnnieNo Gravatar says:

    “Miss says:

    I understand what she is saying about talking to yourself–
    But–do I talk to the man about the feeling? Does the answer to that question depend on whether I intend to leave?
    She seems to say that we process it ourselves and lean way back–and only get back in relationship if the “old” cheater has become a “new man”. And if not–we allow a new and different man in and let the old go completely.
    Does anyone interpret this differently?”

    I believe Rori recommends speaking from the heart in feeling messages and wants and don’t wants after you have processed the jealous feeling in a speech and then walk away and go do something that makes you feel good off your channeling list.

    If he is the right man for you he will pull you back in give you what you want and you will want to chose him.

    Do you think at the moment you are stuffing down?

    I will do my best to try and find the posts.

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 3:45pm

  196. 196: JasmineNo Gravatar says:

    Opps part of my comment didn’t show up.

    I meant I said “don’t ask me out when all I know is your name please..”

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 3:47pm

  197. 197: AnnieNo Gravatar says:

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 3:49pm

  198. 198: AnnieNo Gravatar says:

    The above for miss bells.

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 3:50pm

  199. 199: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    I feel like a little fish in a big ocean. I feel like sinking to the sea bed and finding a little cave to hide in. I want to be strong enough to battle through the waves. I feel small and insignificant amongst the Color of the other fish. I feel camouflaged.

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 3:50pm

  200. 200: JasmineNo Gravatar says:

    Bloom-ing – nvm I kept up with the mystery man :)

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 4:03pm

  201. 201: RadloveNo Gravatar says:


    158 – At the moment we were watching the proposal video, we were sitting side by side at the computer. I feel intuitively that he was crying because of the pain he caused me over a proposal 3 years ago, altho he tried to cover it.

    I honestly asked myself if I was pushing away this CD, but I don’t think so. I felt turned off and kept the conversation going for a couple of days anyway. His spelling was atrocious, and that in itself is a major turnoff to me from the door.

    Add to that all sorts of sexual talk in the face of me saying I want to get to know someone at the heart level, and the I don’t want to pay stuff, and what’s there to pursue?

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 4:12pm

  202. 202: blue roseNo Gravatar says:

    #107 Starla

    thanks Starla. That is a lovely and sexy, self assured thing to do. and maybe deep down inside it’s what he really wanted, not the $30 or whatever for the movie. maybe he wanted to feel appreciated.

    i have a looong way to go.

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 4:17pm

  203. 203: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks, Smile and Dancing Siren!

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 4:22pm

  204. 204: MissStixNo Gravatar says:

    Hi all!

    I have been reading through your comments. I feel a little strange…You are all so very open and honest. I feel like i’m eaves dropping. But, I will write about my day openly and honestly in return.

    I came to my own home today after work. I stopped at His place to pick up a few things. He was still at work. I stayed only as long as it took to get what I needed. I did not text Him. I hand wrote Him a nice note and pinned it to his pillow. I hoped he had a great day, wished him a relaxing evening, and a good sleep. I said I love you, and call me.

    I feel calm and relaxed as I lay here in my own bed. I like making decisions for myself and taking control in my life.

    I only feel tense and anxious when he tells me he wants alone time and asks me to go home. I feel good when I need alone time and decide for myself to come home.

    I feel slightly lonely right now. Not for Him, but for a girlfriend or 2. I lack a close girlfriend to talk to, and hang out with. I have me, and i’m enough, but it would still be nice. I suppose that’s part of why i’m here right now typing this.

    I just felt a gush of love and appreciation for my man. I appreciate that he tells me when he needs time by himself. I appreciate that he is open. I love him as he is. I feel content with being at home right now…I look forward to more frequent “me time”. I understand where he is coming from.

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 4:25pm

  205. 205: Miss BellsNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks Annie.
    HS has demoted me to roommate in the last few months after 5 years (some stormy) as girlfriend.
    The deal with OW is sexual, but not so emotional. But she does gush on him.
    We live together, he flirts with me, and he has hidden this OW from me and our friends. The only person he has introduced her to is the one friend out of dozens that he never introduced me to–his “double life” pal.
    She was the gf of the tenant in the trailer in back. She was always rude to me and overly friendly to HS. She took her time to sink her hooks in. On purpose. She knew about me. The only thing she had to recommend herself to him was convenience. She has a crappy little job, an old car, and last spring I once got this creepy feeling that she resented me having the big house up front. I think she is a real gold digger. But is thinking with the wrong head. And he has his head so far up her p888y that he can’t see me. I feel invisible.
    When I busted him on this 10 days ago, he said he felt like he was cheating on his wife. I used feeling messages but did not demand he stop.
    He is still hiding her, still lying to me.
    We threw a huge party and it was a great success. I know how popular I am.
    But–there is still a knife in my heart.
    The suggestions in the link will likely work in my situation as well.
    I am getting a great car this week, while I am away dog-sitting.
    I am going to join the local gym. I was about 20 pounds overweight. Now I have lost 10 from losing my appetite.
    I am going to use feeling messages in the moment. I am going to out girl.
    I am going to concentrate on me.
    He has never cheated like this before–but he has run me off and then dragged me back in several times,
    I am waiting for his head to spin back around before I give my speech. It wouldn’t even register right now.

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 4:28pm

  206. 206: OlympiaNo Gravatar says:


    I feel so happy and relieved that I found this site. I wanted to introduce myself and say hello since it has been so helpful to read these blog posts and comments. I have learned a lot of lessons from the past men that I have been with, and the last one was a doozy, but also motivated me to make changes and love myself, so for that I have to be faithful. He was twice my age (60), a widower, and I was overfunctioning to the extreme. I gave and did everything I could do to try to create stability in his feelings for me. Now that some months have passed, I have been on a quest to get to know myself, do the things that make me feel good inside.

    I have been making baby steps towards online dating, but I still want to make myself feel good first. The other day I was feeling like I had a glowing ball of warmth in my chest, and that anyone who was around me would feel how special and wonderful I am, but it’s so easy to get tripped up! I found out that my ex’s ex-girlfriend just got married and I felt like a crumpled piece of paper. I want to break the habit of comparing myself to other people because I know I’m on my own path, but it’s hard!

    I think that I need to start actually dating, because I’ve been practicing using the tools around my guy friends (a few of whom I like only platonically but there are a couple I would love to date!) Unfortunately, I could tell that it really does make a difference, but only on the guys that I am less attracted to! I have been leaning forward too much I think, initiating contact with a couple when I know I should just lean back and let the new me radiate on them, but I’m impatient! I just feel so ready to be loved by a kind, giving man.

    There is a lot to learn here! Thank you for your gifts!


    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 4:42pm

  207. 207: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    bloom-ing – #172 – Playing the what if game will get you into trouble most every time. Try being right here, right now, enjoying each and every moment instead of wondering, what if…..

    K and I have never fought, and there has only been tension between us less then a handful of times. I have never felt bored with him.


    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 4:46pm

  208. 208: Miss BellsNo Gravatar says:

    He walked out on my Bday. And we weren’t fighting. Except the one he picked on purpose. He picked the fight to try to justify this totally unacceptable behavior.
    The next day he came up behind me when I was working with a client and said “I’m going to the store–What are WE having for dinner tonight?” It is crazy making.
    If he is so clear that I am the house mate and his “friend” there would be no need to avoid my birthday and be a d*ck head. And no need to hide OW.
    It is clear that he is not clear.
    So my only choice is to “work the program” and see what happens.

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 5:00pm

  209. 209: Rori RayeNo Gravatar says:

    Blue Rose – You did GREAT!!! So forthright, and you learned SO much – the part of you that was all shut down around this, and couldn’t bring yourself to talk to him about your discomfort…Love, Rori

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 5:04pm

  210. 210: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    Sometimes when I see pictures of new men and read what they write, I feel scared. It’s about the danger in the stranger. I feel safer with people I know. I feel vulnerable as a single woman.

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 5:05pm

  211. 211: Rori RayeNo Gravatar says:

    blooming – Thank you so much for this gorgeous poetry! Love, Rori

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 5:05pm

  212. 212: Miss BellsNo Gravatar says:

    So–there are a couple of nice men in the over fifty singles meetup I created and am the leader of.
    And a couple from online.
    a couple are actually promising.
    After I get the car I intend to CD openly.
    Then we shall see how things really stand with HS.
    According to Rori this is THE most effective test.
    I was afraid it wasn’t fair to the other men, but now I understand that as long as i show up with an open heart it is fine.

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 5:05pm

  213. 213: Rori RayeNo Gravatar says:

    k2012 – What has to happen here is for you to get my ebook, use the “Translations” and Feeling Messages – and put together a “speech” of everything you’ve said to us here, making it very short, and allowing spaces for him to speak. It’s important for everyone to know exactly where things are at all times – so you can know the truth and feel comfortable. And he’s clearly stating that you are NOT exclusive – so get out there and Circular Date!!! Love, Rori

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 5:09pm

  214. 214: Rori RayeNo Gravatar says:

    Olympia – online dating is a major part of this – and it’s worth you putting some serious BOY effort into. Then there’s and all kinds of places in your neighborhood where there are men. Find them and practice. Targeting Mr. Right is my program for all of this…

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 5:11pm

  215. 215: MissStixNo Gravatar says:

    Just got a very nice text from my guy…Thanked me for my “sweet note” and will call me when hus free minutes kick in.

    Feeling very, very good about making this decision for myself.

    Couple promises i’ve made myself in recent weeks…
    I will do what’s right for me at all times. I will trust that what feels good to me is right, and what feels bad is not. I will express CLEARLY, and (as always) without blame what is or isn’t right for me. I will take action to enforce my decisions.
    I will not passively allow something to happen if it feels wrong. I will not go into “complaining mode”.

    My biggest struggles.

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 5:16pm

  216. 216: LindaNo Gravatar says:

    I am inspired by the post from Rori… Thanks Rori!

    I have read thru the thread. Love the girls chattin’

    #19 Jasmine said…””I can’t let go of the thought that he will come back to me and acknowledge all of the things he’s done wrong. Nobody can be so emotionless. I just can’t think anybody can go through life like that “”

    Yes they can, it happens all the time. Their brains are wired differently than ours our. Sadly it has been experience that men have the capacity to not only not acknowledge things that were done wrong but flip it so they not only can justify behaviors but their unappolgetic living as well ! For example: I had a man tell me that his last wife had the police come and remove him from the house and all he could grab was his shoes, the clothes on his back and his computer that was by the door. awwwwhhhh I did feel shocked at that and offered my sympathy to him. He said, “she was such a controlling bit#h…took him 2 years to get his things from her and even then she kept some of his stuff”. So he painted himself the victim of this terrible woman….. Well the truth came out later bit by bit thru his own mouth that …he should have never married her and he did not ever lover her, but was on depression meds and was easily lead and manipulated…(gave himself an out for not keeping his word becaue he was on meds) hmmmm…he told her he did not love her (after knowing him and his daily behavior that was probably the straw that broke the camels thin back because she was enduring all of he lazy, disengaged, etc etc behavior)…. and when she discovered that he was dating websites … then the next day the
    police showed up and removed him from the premises…

    So in his mind he was wrongfully thrown from his own home by the controlling bit*h he was married to, seeking my sympathy, when in reality he was cheating on her and and trying to meet other women while he was still married to her (honestly I would have done the same thing or worse!) So… has twisted his place in the story (wrongly) so he can justify himself and his place in the story.

    My point is… If you are like me or I was, (and I did this for a long time), I just wanted a simple acknowledgement of wrongs, or appolgies that never came and I gave my own chance to move on and healh away to the person that has wronged me. It just kept me tied and stuck to all that bad stuff. It is a type of validation and closure seeking. There stuff is out of our control… I can only do my stuff and I dont want to give them any powere over me.

    I had someone suggest that I “reframe” my story today. Instead of me telling or re-living my story focused on identifying all the bad things in it… I am going to reframe them positively. It feels like a good path to take for me and if feels like freedom to me.

    I particularly love this one thing Rori wrote and am putting my name in it today…

    I, Linda, am fully equipped to release any condition that is no longer appropriate in my life…it is safe for me to do this now, ( am adding this to make it fully mine)….because I love and respect me !

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 5:55pm

  217. 217: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    I’m feeling smily writing this and soft

    Yay I had sex. It felt nice . With fave Cd :)

    Feeling pleasant and lovely now

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 6:14pm

  218. 218: JasmineNo Gravatar says:

    Awww I was just watching A Walk To Remember (old movie yeah).

    My heart feels so warm. Movies like this lift up my spirit. I feel so happy and motivated… especially when I heard this quote

    “Love is always patient and kind
    it is never jealous
    Love is never boastful nor conceded
    it is never rude or selfish
    It does not take offense
    it is not resentful”

    Awww… I feel too much peace. I am so ready for love. It’s such a beautiful feeling.

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 6:18pm

  219. 219: ViNo Gravatar says:

    here we go. as a result of cding i have a bunch of nice guys talking and writing to me (i tell them i am married and it would feel good to make some friends in the area and practice my english) .. and i notice since i have so many nice contacts out there I feel anger and resentment at M (my husb.). I know he is not relevant and that i am being angry at me as i feel how invested i am .. i have never felt like that and it feels uncomfortable and i feel sad in his presence and it feels painful … and he does HIS best to make me feel happy .. and i feel it and i don’t feel the way he would like me to feel .. and i feel guilt and shame that i feel this way with him … and i feel completely shut down .. and i feel an urge to “resolve” all that … i feel afraid … i feel curious what if i just live with it for a while … omg .. there is so much in me to embrace.. and love and .. hug! : )

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 6:19pm

  220. 220: ViNo Gravatar says:

    and i feel loved by the way! and i feel turned off! *feeling curious* .. and giggly : )

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 6:19pm

  221. 221: Miss BellsNo Gravatar says:

    Silly Q department–
    If I stay, how do I out-girl the intruder?
    If I leave, do I say something? Move while he is out and leave a note?
    I know it is hard to believe, but we still have a peaceful home life. I am not sure if he will understand my exit.
    I was thinking of staying just long enough for boot camp to make me look great.
    One more thing–when I moved back in 6 months ago was when he shut me out sexually. I had made it clear I am not into friends with bennies, and he was/is still unwilling to commit. So, I moved across the hall. But–I also let him know I was not at all cool with him “dating” i.e. banging someone else, no matter what you call it.
    If he weren’t hiding the whole thing from me I would think that he genuinely believes what he is doing is OK and should have no bearing on me.

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 6:27pm

  222. 222: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    I still miss CF, I want him out of my head.

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 6:38pm

  223. 223: JasmineNo Gravatar says:


    222 – It happens lady

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 6:39pm

  224. 224: JasmineNo Gravatar says:


    216 – I really liked this post :=)

    It is all so true. They flip things to their convenience.

    Right now I am working on nurturing myself with my own self. I’m working on not worrying about him anymore. And I feel so inspired to make myself a better version of me.

    I can only get better :)

    This is good. And I’m going out tonight.

    I feel pretty.

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 6:45pm

  225. 225: JasmineNo Gravatar says:

    218 – Instead of conceded I meant conceited.

    Bad google spelling.

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 6:54pm

  226. 226: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    Miss Bells,

    I can see clearly how hurtful your situation is. Mine isn’t as extreme, but emotionally, I am staying in a comparable situation with R, where he is clearly saying I am just a friend. Crumb taking.

    I don’t have the guts to walk away.

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 7:01pm

  227. 227: Miss BellsNo Gravatar says:

    If we had always just been friends it wouldn’t be crumbs.
    He is involved with me–he is just f***ed up. And–he is still giving me double messages.
    I wish I truly understood what is happening here.
    My friends are so p*ssed at him they can’t be objective.

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 7:10pm

  228. 228: blue roseNo Gravatar says:

    #209: Rori Raye

    :) thank you Rori. That means a lot.

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 7:37pm

  229. 229: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Wow I felt triggered at times…

    I was so lost and far from… I am a Goddess I deserve to be worshipped

    And I could tell he could HEAR EVERY THOUGHT IN MY HEAD

    And it felt challenging to stay w thoughts focused on me receiving and feeling all about me

    A few times I got angry and didn’t take it out on him at all

    What RORi wrote in an article about how he turns me on and therefore I feel ‘weak’ and actually feel angry and blaming of him for this hehe

    Got me back in touch w what was going on for me

    And I love having my car door opened everytime now

    Not only for the gesture, but that it keeps me aligned w ‘He’s leading’


    Yay it felt good and I had nice receiving sex a d pleasured him in the way that felt good to me and I feel lovely

    And a bit lonely now as I’d like to go out

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 8:14pm

  230. 230: R.N.AmazingMeNo Gravatar says:

    hello sirens!! Glad to see u all, i am having trouble sleeping….Had an interview at a closer psych hospital and I belive it went well so 2 jobs now,yayyyyy

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 8:21pm

  231. 231: k2012No Gravatar says:

    “It’s important for everyone to know exactly where things are at all times – so you can know the truth and feel comfortable. ”

    Well, well, Rori this part hit me like a ton of bricks. I want to tell you something. Someone told me the exact same thing about a week ago that her boyfriend does. Every once in a while, she says her boyfriend asks her if everything is okay with them as he cannot assume. So if there is anything he needs to know or if anything has changed, he needs to know right away. He says he has to ask.

    We just spoke about it again tonight and I told her to tell her boyfriend that I am definitely going to adapt this strategy with the next guy. (Don’t know if my boyfriend has abandoned me so I have to think this way, so i say with the NEXT guy).

    I just said that it seems like every once in a while, I will have to ask that question so as to make sure we are both on the same page. Excellent advice. Real good strategy. I will certainly use this. I also take the point about not being exclusive. IF he calls before returning to the U.S.,I am planning to just speak calmly to him and if he comes back to visit me, then i will talk to him about the matter. I am not talking to him about it over the phone.

    How can I get your e-book with the areas you suggest i read? I will definitely have to buy it now. Thanks for your advice.

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 8:26pm

  232. 232: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    the really hot guy is contacting me tonight and is so sweet and sincere and it feels so hard for me to receive from him

    i feel unworthy

    i would really really really like to heal this

    and i think it will be okay as long as i keep circular dating and treat them all equally.

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 8:43pm

  233. 233: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    Hi everyone. Phew what an emotional morning…

    We finally had our talk and TH told me that despite the fact that what I’ve put him through over the last year has been due to the side effects of BCP, he just doesn’t want to deal with it anymore and wants to take a step back.

    His idea of stepping back is go to back to dating (ie. no more relationship). I obviously wasn’t happy with that and said I want to be with somebody who is prepared to support me though tough times and he insisted that he would still be there – as my friend. Ick.

    So no. That’s not something I’m prepared to accept and I told him as much.

    So after a lot of talking I suggested that we give it two months, and if things aren’t any better by then, at least we know for sure and can go our separate ways.

    I really didn’t want to become the “convincer” but I didn’t want to throw the last 2.5 years away either. And giving it another month or two will allow the effects of the BCP to reduce and hopefully we will see the changes in time…

    So he’s thinking about that suggestion right now. Yay… kept hanging again…

    I’m letting him have his space to think though, and hopefully he’ll see what he will lose if he takes that step back.

    I hope you’re all having a better day than I am.


    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 9:04pm

  234. 234: JasmineNo Gravatar says:

    I just had a great time with my friend!!

    Tomorrow we’ll go to my favorite place for lunch and then to the pool.

    I feel so excited. And good.

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 9:08pm

  235. 235: JasmineNo Gravatar says:

    I wanna watch a movie to keep lifting up my spirit.

    I’m such in a good mood!!

    This feels awesome.

    What movie tho? I don’t know…

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 9:10pm

  236. 236: MissStixNo Gravatar says:

    You are worthy of all your hopes and dreams!

    I don’t know how to help you with words…I’ve been there. You just have to forgive yourself for believing you are anything less than amazing. Truely forgive yourself. Forgive anyone you feel you need to.

    Go ahead and be amazing! Let go, relax, laugh, love and always put yourself first! There is no shame in it. Only beauty.

    Don’t know how else to explain a transformation in self esteem…

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 9:15pm

  237. 237: MissStixNo Gravatar says:


    dirty dancing is a fave of mine!

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 9:17pm

  238. 238: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    I feel too weak to break away from R, and yet here I am taking crumbs as a friend. I feel miserable. I can’t live without him. Yet I am losing my personal power by staying his friend.

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 9:17pm

  239. 239: RadloveNo Gravatar says:


    237 – Mine too! And Ever After, Never Been Kissed, Working Girl, 7 Days, 7 Nights, and so many others!

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 9:19pm

  240. 240: JasmineNo Gravatar says:


    Is that a movie? I’ve never heard of it. I might just google it :)

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 9:20pm

  241. 241: JasmineNo Gravatar says:


    238 – LOTS of hugs to you!!!

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 9:21pm

  242. 242: ViNo Gravatar says:

    happy new boundaries to me! (((((((((((((Vi)))))))))))))))

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 9:22pm

  243. 243: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    My whole bent for three years was to get emotionally healthy enough to where I was a magnet, not a repellent. Now I feel emotionally healthy, but I guess I have been too joanie on the spot and he just isn’t attracted.

    To walk away on my own is the opposite of what I want to do. I know it’s what I need to do if I ever want to be more than a friend. But I don’t have the strength. I feel pathetic about that. I feel weak. I don’t want to be just his friend. Yet I don’t want him out of my life.

    He is my closest friend. I feel connected with him as I have never felt connected with another man. How, how, how can I walk away?

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 9:23pm

  244. 244: Miss BellsNo Gravatar says:

    238: ((((Rad-Love))))If you don’t live with him –tell him what you told us–in feeling messages–and then don’t pick up when he calls.
    It takes boundaries–and support from others. Come here and process it out. Call girlfriends.
    You can do it!!!
    In my little drama, I can’t physically move YET.

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 9:31pm

  245. 245: RadloveNo Gravatar says:


    233 – I feel so sad with you! I know this is so painful for you!

    I just followed your example and suggested to R that we step back for one month (not two) and decide from there if we will continue our friendship.

    I am so sorry! I love you!

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 9:31pm

  246. 246: Miss BellsNo Gravatar says:

    The way to avoid crumb-taking and still be in his presence (for now) is by getting tons from myself and others, so I have no time for him. So I can sweetly turn him down when he decides to bestow his largess on me. So that GETTING MY attention for the length of a netflix is a special occasion for HIM, not me.
    He is bopping a woman who was with the trailer guy six weeks ago–with two weeks in between. She does not have a lot to commend her. Her ex–our trailer tenant, says they broke up because she is made of ice inside and is damaged emotionally.
    If i stick to my plan, things may turn around. If they don’t, I will have more time to transition to a new house.
    My dance card really WILL be filled without him. If I start dating openly he might feel differently. You never know–he has not felt another man’s presence since we’ve been together. If not–I will still be ahead of the game.
    If that doesn’t grab him, nothing will, and I will just waste more time.
    And I may meet a much better man. You never know…

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 9:34pm

  247. 247: MissStixNo Gravatar says:

    Good for you Radlove!!

    Take some time for you. It may be hard but being in an un-equal relationship is so terribly hard too.

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 9:39pm

  248. 248: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    Miss Bells,

    244 – Thanks! He readily agreed to one month of no contact. I feel better about it. Better than continuing when I am so in love with him, and better than breaking it off completely.

    This gives me back my personal power, yet I still have something to look forward to. Ouch, this is hard.

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 9:40pm

  249. 249: Miss BellsNo Gravatar says:

    Just keep talking to us, not him. It is hard to maintain no contact.
    When you get an urge–call a pal or post something. Like quitting cigs.

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 9:43pm

  250. 250: P-lalaNo Gravatar says:


    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 9:49pm

  251. 251: P-lalaNo Gravatar says:

    I just got home from an amazing day at Elitch Gardens (a local amusement park) where I felt:
    cared for
    twisted and tuned
    embraced and

    Wow, it was a great day, even the part where I was calling myself a loser when my “check engine” light came on in the car. I’m pretty sure that it’s because I need engine coolant…I’ve not been good about keeping on top of that stuff. K will check out my car tomorrow to see what is really wrong…I will not let the NVs get the best of me.

    Hope you’ve all loved yourself well today….I’ll be back after an epsom salt bath and a good night’s sleep.

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 9:59pm

  252. 252: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    im feeling pooped now and glad to get ready to rest again

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 10:22pm

  253. 253: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    ive been feelin glad for my new tools – affirmations of

    “men respect my time”

    and “men respect my money”

    reminding myself of the first helped me answer messages and check my voicemails when i feel overwhelmed and pressured and obligated…

    they will respect my time when i dont get back to them

    a lot of the ‘guilt’ ‘fear’ that they will ‘feel offended and leave’ cleared up with this reminder that thy respect my time

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 10:27pm

  254. 254: TereanaNo Gravatar says:

    Halloooooo sirens!

    It has been a very long time, and tonight, I just wanted to check into the blog before I went to sleep.

    I love Rori’s affirmations!

    It felt so good to read them, and to put my name in place of hers, and just see what that was like.

    Lately I have been getting really busy with work, and have had a lot of exercise in how to go easier on myself so that I don’t get over-exhausted.

    Men, and money and good things keep coming toward me. Several men/CDs from my past have contacted me recently. And I received their communications with a lot of equanimity.

    I notice that observing my own boundaries is always becoming easier. Feeling and talking about my feelings is becoming easier, too. Noticing and accepting What Is feels more natural. And doing what feels right to me, in spite of others’ opinions or expectations feels more and more like the best choice.

    I know I am on the right path. Even though I don’t know if my partner is in my life right now, I know that he is, because I can feel it. And if I can feel it, them I know it’s true. And there he is – he’s right there! All I need to do is have faith that it’s true, even though I don’t know what it looks like right now….

    And since I have faith, too, about my business, and in myself, to succeed and do the work that I need to get there, I now have a goal and an intention to own and purchase a brand new Mini Cooper (in a light blue-green color) by the end of the year. I can totally make this happen! No, better yet, I can receive this happening! It feels do good and exciting already. I can literally smell the New Car smell and feel my hands on the steering wheel. I know what the car feels like all around me, and how the gas pedal responds under my feet. I know how great it feels, too, to have the sense of accomishment, that in a very short (relatively) time, I’ve been able to manifest so many things that I need and desire, thaty business has responded so psotively to my work, and intention, that I can support myself, pay down my balances, AND let this new car into my life. I can’t wait!!!!


    Hope all sirens are feeling lovely!!

    Monday, 30 July 2012 @ 11:20pm

  255. 255: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    (((Radlove))). Yep it’s hard, but cutting all contact is going to be a lot easier than remaining friends, especially because you feel so strongly about him. I’m feeling the same about TH.

    Have you thought about trying to convince yourself that CDing is about finding some more R’s out there? I’m sure there ARE more R’s, but because you’re only focused on that one, you’re not open to meeting the others.

    What do you think? xxx

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 12:14am

  256. 256: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    TH has decided he doesn’t want to give this one or two months, but still wants to go back to “BR” (before the relationship).

    Here’s the gist about how I replied to that one:

    “I cannot understand how going back to “dating” is going to fix anything. It would feel better if you just chose to stay at your place a few nights a week instead, to get some space. But if no longer being in a relationship with me is what you want, then I have to accept your decision.

    I still love you and think the world of you, but just cannot face being stuck in the middle of a not relationship and an actual relationship again.

    Especially not now. What I need now is stability and security. I won’t get that with what you’re proposing.”

    I’m not sure how sireny that response was, but it’s true that I cannot face being in limbo with him again. Either we are in a relationship, or we’re not. And if he chooses to end the relationship (which is kind of what he’s done – although he’s still here), then he loses me completely. He doesn’t still get the perks of a p/t girlfriend.

    I know he still cares deeply about me, but obviously not enough to give this a go, considering all of my emotional issues were out of my control and will rectify themselves once the hormones leave my system. Darn that BCP! :(

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 12:20am

  257. 257: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    Jasmine- 218

    This quote is from the bible. I have just funnily enough laminated two copies for the readers at my friends wedding on Friday. I suggested it to her when she was looking fir her reading. Its a verse i shared with strumming man when we were going through a tough time emotionally together.

    I shall think of you receiving all this love as it is read out during the ceremony on Friday.

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 12:20am

  258. 258: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    Jasmine- 240

    have you never heard of dirty dancing? I seriously hope you get to watch it! In England it’s probably been watched at least 10 times by every person lol! Definitely get hold of it! It has some fab sound tracks too! I was dancing to one in a club on Friday with my girl friends.

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 12:29am

  259. 259: ruthNo Gravatar says:

    Butterfly Wings, what you said to TH feels authentic to me
    You spoke your truth and you set your boundaries

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 12:39am

  260. 260: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Hey Radlove,

    Regardisng your CD tha u were posting about…

    Ok, for me, the way a man spells has NOTHING to do with how he will treat me and his cope for taking care of me and responding to my emotions. And in fact many people these days are recognised as dyslexic and they can’t spell AND they are really intelligent. Just something to think about as I used to feel the same way pre-Rori, until I dated an amazing man who can’t spell.

    Regarding the sex talk, ok yeah, pretty icky feeling, although men are sexual beings and its also kind of flattering that they want us so much right? Nevertheless it turned you off. I have noticed this one seems to come up quite a lot for you, maybe something to work through here?

    Regarding paying, from what you posted, it looked to me like he changed his stance and was willing to pay.

    Just some stuff to think about in general.


    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 1:09am

  261. 261: Dancing SirenNo Gravatar says:

    Ok, I have had my coffee and dippy eggs.

    Now going to get ready for my first client.

    And then the pub :-/

    Then another client and then back here for a mini break/rest before Zumba tonight…

    This is my last busy week halleluja.

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 1:12am

  262. 262: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    (((((((((((((Butterfly Wings))))))))))))))))))

    RadLove I believe you have the guts to walk away. You have done it before, though short term. You just keep talking yourself out of it.

    Today it just seems like all the exclusive situations are falling apar.

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 2:37am

  263. 263: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks FW… I told my daughter tonight. She cried and said she didn’t want us to break up.

    He’s now saying I was being hasty (he actually said he wanted to break up etc) and was still thinking about it… huh?

    I have no idea how that man’s mind works. Anyway, he asked for some space and I’m now giving it to him…

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 3:39am

  264. 264: AnnieNo Gravatar says:

    Miss bells another post. on cheating.

    Feel unsure if this applies in your situation.
    If you both have not agreed to sexual exclusivity.

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 4:14am

  265. 265: GoldenflowerNo Gravatar says:

    Thankyou for these Rori, so useful and I believe affirmations really do work.

    It’s OK to be sensual, sexual, successful and satisfied.

    It’s safe to be all that I am
    There’s plenty of time for you to be, do and have everything you’ve ever wanted
    I forgive myself now for even thinking I’ve ever done anything wrong.
    I am willing to receive a man who really loves me –
    I am willing to receive all of the love coming to me now.

    I had a successful date on saturday with BM :))).
    I asked him out by msg, in order to find out if he was interested. I just dropped a casual- do you fancy a drink into a message. And he responded right away and wanted to meet me that night. So in no time we were on a date. I know it is initiating but a male pal told me I should just do it, and I felt strongly that I wanted to know if he was interested so I could move on if not. It’s not like he was on a dating site, or that we were likely to bump into each other again soon. I just felt that I wanted to stop wondering about him.

    The date was wonderful, he treated it like a proper date and paid for all the drinks, the club, the cloakroom, without any question. He introduced me to his uncle who was playing a gig and some of his friends who were also at the gig.
    We had an amzing adventure together and had so much fun, and chemistry was certainly there. I feel bubbly about it. Lots of amazing kissing.

    One question I have is that he wanted to high five me a couple of times after we had danced, and after we left the club etc. I kinda refused on the second occasion, I told him I just wanted to be a girl and held his hand.
    How do people feel about the high five thing???, is it too much like saying you are a buddy, or is it a useful way of bonding with a man? I felt it wasnt very feminine energy so I stopped it.

    Next question: he has texted and wants to meet again. I said Wed or Fri and he said: he cd think of lots of activities for an intrepid duo on either night, to let him know my predilications/ movements. (he’s very wordy and witty) I havent properly replied yet as I need to script out a way to get him to lead where we go.
    I am thinking of a witty list of my general tastes and then … surprise me, I am happy wherever we go.

    What do sirens think?
    I am also meeting a second CD this week, so i keep in balance.

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 4:29am

  266. 266: AnnieNo Gravatar says:

    “A man who cheats on a woman is unlikely to be faithful to that woman forever.

    The reason for this is that there is something unfulfilling at the core of this relationship and the cheating is/was a symptom of that core mismatch.”

    This is the bit that stands out to me.
    And where doing Roris Commitment blueprint.
    Circular dating,
    and Dr Margaret Pauls inner bonding to help process all the stuff that comes up has helped reconnect me with my core/soul and reverse the energy exchange and dynamic of all my relationships.

    Still revert back on and off, but is getting less and less.

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 4:31am

  267. 267: AnnieNo Gravatar says:

    Tam says.

    “And always the men make the women out to be a little mad – every single time. And I am just not buying that anymore, a man who says it’s all the ex’s fault has not worked through his own stuff, ”

    It doesn’t ever feel good to me when I hear stuff like this.
    This is what Orna and Mathew Walters have to say about stuff like this.

    When we become concerned with how other people are talking about us, or attempting to “brain wash” others against us we are involved in a losing battle.

    What your boyfriend’s ex-wife says and does is quite frankly none of your business and not any of his business either. A relationship with his children is all that is really all he needs to be concerned with.

    With some tender tough love we want to encourage you to disengage from the conversation if your boyfriend brings up what his ex-wife may be saying or doing, particularly when it is about you and his relationship with you. There is absolutely no reason for you to even know about it.

    Additionally, if this man is the good man that you say he is, and the commitment, connection, and conversation is good with him then there is no problem between the two of you unless the two of you allow it.

    Create your own relationship with his children – one based in respect and kindness.

    We also encourage you to NEVER speak a negative word about his children’s mother, to him or to the children. If your boyfriend speaks negatively of her to you, you can request that he not do so, or simply respond in such a way as to not engage as in, “I hear you.” Or, “I can see how you feel like that.”

    Stay out of their relationship altogether, it won’t do you any good and will only cause problems in your relationship. Focus on creating a positive relationship based on goals and dreams for the future.

    As Marci Shimoff shared during our Love On Purpose Revolution sessions, positive thoughts in our brain are like Teflon and negative thoughts are like Velcro. Take the time to focus on POSITIVE things in your relationship. Be grateful for being in relationship with this wonderful man that you say you are connected to and love.

    Do not concern yourself with the actions and words of those you have zero control over (which is everyone except yourself). Leave the judgment and criticism to others because how they behave will be a reflection of who they are, not of you. Trust that you will be seen as who you truly are because you are showing up as your highest and best self.

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 5:39am

  268. 268: GoldenflowerNo Gravatar says:

    “Do not concern yourself with the actions and words of those you have zero control over (which is everyone except yourself). Leave the judgment and criticism to others because how they behave will be a reflection of who they are, not of you. Trust that you will be seen as who you truly are because you are showing up as your highest and best self.”

    I really love this idea. Show up as your highest and best self!!! Yes, this feels like the right mantra for all days. Holding my heart and loving me. I can feel a tug to my bridge when I have doubts about my own ability to Cd without pinning all hopes onto one man. I hold my own heart and trust myself, I trust myself. I feel love for myself, for my heart. I am strong and can take care of myself always, I have proven this already and I no longer have to prove it either to myself or to others. It is safe to just know I can take care of myself, and take care or any emotions I feel and feel them all myself. I feel trust in my proven record of caring for myself. I feel happy in the present moment. I feel the present moment. When i feel scared that my intense feelings for a Cd may overwhelm me then I can simply feel them and hold my own heart. I love myself beyond any other person. I care for myself as my own best friend.
    I feel good expressing this.

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 6:16am

  269. 269: GoldenflowerNo Gravatar says:

    I have an issue I would invite any insight on. From the ebook and targetting mr right, I recall Rori suggests we make a boundary for how far we will go sexually then stop.
    I am very much in the camp of waiting as long as possible to have sex. And I do have amazing self control.

    However I struggle so much with the hormones/ chemical reaction my body has, is it oxytocin? It takes me a long time to return to normal control after kissing/ fooling around with a guy I really like. It seems like it would even be easier to deal with my own frustration by not even doing more than kissing, and always being in a date situation, rather than at someone’s house.

    The main issue i found with last guy I dated was that even though i gave him the speech about waiting til i felt comfortable, taking things slow. The hormones were still triggered anyway and i/ we couldnt have a normal conversation , all we were doing was making out anyway. So I was too distracted by this myself physically to fully see how his character panned out and to find out if i trusted him. So the going slower thing didnt really work out.

    And yet for me the problem is that I absolutely can’t have sex with a man i like, without me falling for him. So I’m not sure how/ where to make the best boundary line. And here comes a test of it very soon.

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 6:28am

  270. 270: JillyNo Gravatar says:

    Rori…I just LOVE these affirmations…beautiful :)

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 6:31am

  271. 271: JillyNo Gravatar says:

    Rugby Man and I went camping this weekend and I feel super refreshed. We slept by the river, and I could hear it all night…it felt so soothing and peaceful.

    I recently learned that we feel so peaceful by water because of it’s negative ions. Like after it’s just rained or by a waterfall or river, lake and ocean. It balances our energy…

    I want to live by the water now :)

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 6:35am

  272. 272: ruthNo Gravatar says:

    Do not concern yourself with the actions and words of those you have zero control over (which is everyone except yourself). Leave the judgment and criticism to others because how they behave will be a reflection of who they are, not of you. Trust that you will be seen as who you truly are because you are showing up as your highest and best self.

    Wow thats fantastic!

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 6:56am

  273. 273: LindaNo Gravatar says:

    I was thinking this morning about my experience with the last CD. THe one that came on so hot and heavy the first week we met and was so crude and vulgar at times.

    I am not actually thinking about him but thinking about me. This Is me Re-framing my experience with him. Yeah!

    I am so happy that I stayed on my bridge with him buzzin around me.
    I am so really happy that I did not go against my gut feelings about him.
    I feel perceptive and rational again ! It all felt off…. I picked up on his neediness. His flattery was over the top and sexual.
    I stayed connected to my feelings when I was with him, but was able to just be me! I remained present and in the moment with him.
    I had a feeling that he would poof and I was right. I am happy that I could perceive/feel that too.

    I am so happy that I dont feel rejected becasue he poofed. That shows that I am loving myself better and have grown.

    This is my reframing…. that experience way different that I used to do.

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 7:00am

  274. 274: LindaNo Gravatar says:

    Ahhhh Jilly… I did not know that !!!!. I am so drawn to water, it is positively shocking to me. I want to sell my house and move somewhere by the water, just so I can walk out my back door and sit by it all the time.

    I need it! My midnight swim the other night was just heavenly!

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 7:02am

  275. 275: AnnieNo Gravatar says:

    “Starla says:”

    I thought we were talking about separated, not yet divorced men.

    Divorced men are of course available. They’re not married, lol.

    I never mentioned divorced men in the unavailable category.
    I feel positive that would depend on the individual man as with all single men. A divorced man is single again.

    Where as ALL MARRIED and ALL SEPARATED men are unavailable for a real relationship with another woman whilst they are still married and separated men are still married.
    Even if they have decided there is no chance of reconciliation until those divorce papers are signed they are in the unavailable category.

    It is none of my business what others want.
    If they want an unavailable man that is up to them and their life choice.
    I now know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I don’t want any man that is unavailable.

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 7:02am

  276. 276: LindaNo Gravatar says:

    Daria I was looking for the thread and comment you made about what you said to a man who was wanting to have sex with that evening and you were not feeling like that is what you wanted to do.

    I really need to re-read that but cant find it.

    I do wish that I had said what you wrote instead of what I said. Could you tell me where it is or re-write it?

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 7:09am

  277. 277: JillyNo Gravatar says:

    Linda…I know, right!! :) Me too!!! I have always felt amazing when I’m on/by the water…

    oooohhhh…a midnight swim would feel magical!! I feel smiley reading that!! :)

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 7:10am

  278. 278: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    I feel so angry and stopped up!

    so, remember all that stuff I was talking about yesterday with Jack CD? How I’ve been shutting down and freezing out?

    well, guess who’s there? happy and receptive and feeling?

    So-called friend.

    she was feeling really sad on that night that I was freezing out, and he went straight to her.

    and she told me about it, (she hasn’t told him) and I can totally understand why she’s sad, and heck, I feel sad for her.

    and she was talking to me about how she likes this other guy, but she was following Jack CD around all night like a lost puppy dog. giggly needy and affirming and adorable.

    and i just felt weird…and scared…and was just trying to breathe in and out.

    and I feel like I’m spiraling right back into that horrible place I was in a few months ago.

    and the sick thing is that I actually talked to him about the way he was acting that was not coming across in a very good way.

    and I did it so respectfully and used feeling messages and told him how wonderful I thought he was, because I do think he’s wonderful.

    and he totally stepped up and became more authentic and wonderful then ever.

    which she noticed, of course…

    and now she’s in this deliciously vulnerable place where she needs him, and she leans forward, and he likes that, especially since he’s not getting what he wants or needs from me, but is feeling my frustration and fear and anger and confusion, I’m sure,

    and I just feel so angry and frustrated at myself and at her (even though she really does need comfort and sympathy at this point in her life)

    and I feel so guilty and so scared.

    like she is going to just feel and fall apart in front of him…and he’ll be there to comfort her…and they’ll connect on this really deep emotional level…

    and I’ll be over here like a stopped up idiot…

    and she’ll feel guilty knowing my feelings for him, but what will she care?

    She’ll have him, she’ll have his masculine comfort in her time of difficult, and I’ll just have to deal and move on and feel lonely and start over all over again…

    I feel such sadness and despair and I feel stupid.

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 7:12am

  279. 279: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    I read this

    and felt so unbelievably triggered and out of control.

    so what I have to do is get happy! but I don’t feel happy, i feel insecure and jealous.

    and worried about this new job I’m trying to get.

    and angry at myself and angry at the system and the errors that are causing a delay in the system….

    and angry at so-called friend,

    and guilty with myself because she really is going through a hard time…

    and so confused and scared of losing Jack CD…again…I’ve barely had him back!

    I feel like a good punching bag session…but I don’t have one and I don’t know where one is without an expensive gym membership that I can’t afford right now!

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 7:16am

  280. 280: GoldenflowerNo Gravatar says:

    273: Linda
    Yay! :)

    Inspired by this I think I shall reframe my CD experiences thus far too.

    I am taking my time to get to know and trust someone.
    I am keeping my options open.
    I am letting each Cd be a lesson for myself in how to feel and be open and honest about feelings. I am welcoming love to my life.
    I am receiving love from others to my highest and best self.
    I am allowing my feminine girl energy to be free and to feel and to receive.

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 7:21am

  281. 281: AnnieNo Gravatar says:


    “And yet for me the problem is that I absolutely can’t have sex with a man i like, without me falling for him. So I’m not sure how/ where to make the best boundary line. And here comes a test of it very soon.”

    I don’t believe there are many women who can Goldenflower yes due to oxytocin which will bond you to that man.
    And many women get bonded to a a bad core match for them.

    I don’t want to get bonded to the wrong man for me . I only want to be bonded to the right man for me who has proven consistently that he cares for my heart with his actions matching his words and is offering me what I want and can meet my core needs.
    And we don’t really know anyone until we have has conflict with them.
    How do they behave in conflict with us and others?
    If we aren’t able to solve conflict and find resolution we are not able to be in a real true loving relationship with them.

    What are your core needs and wants?
    Does he want what you want?
    Are you a good core soul match?
    Is he able and available want to and offering to give you what you want?

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 7:22am

  282. 282: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    I still give her advice. I’m older. she’s my friend. what the stink else am I supposed to do? I love her! Of course I’m going to do that!

    and I feel like she takes it and uses it.

    I can’t even take my own good advice!

    It reminds me of when I used to study with this guy for an hour before our class together.

    and I would tell him all these memory techniques and he would use them and do better on the tests then I would!

    I feel really pouty and angry and teary and sad…:(

    and immature!

    and I feel like it would be cute if I was 21, but since I’m 27, it’s not cute, and that’s not fair!!!!!!!

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 7:25am

  283. 283: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    I seriously feel anger and tension and sadness in my stinking arms as I’m sitting here typing like a stupid maniac!

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 7:26am

  284. 284: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    I want someone to comfort me but I don’t have anyone!

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 7:27am

  285. 285: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    you know what? I wish I had someone like me when I was her age! but I didn’t have someone like me. I didn’t have anyone.

    It just sucks. now I feel guilty for feeling sorry for myself.

    and I feel jealous of her perfect unbroken heart. and how she still talks to the only person she’s ever been in love with.

    he didn’t run off and get married right after her.

    I feel so inadequate.

    Like, if I’m so great, why is it so easy to leave me?

    am I just too difficult?
    do I just block you out too much?

    and now I’m sitting here crying at work.
    I shouldn’t even be on here, but I just needed to get this all out of my system, so I can stinking breathe properly.

    the tears feel soooooooooo good.
    It feels soooooooooooo good to cry.

    It’s like unreal.

    Did you know that crying is the body’s way of releasing stress hormones?

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 7:33am

  286. 286: GoldenflowerNo Gravatar says:

    281: Annie says:

    What are your core needs and wants?
    Does he want what you want?
    Are you a good core soul match?
    Is he able and available want to and offering to give you what you want?

    Thanks Annie. I will set these questions into my head and recall them when I feel the chemical reactions. It is far too early for me to know this yet, but I hope to find out over time. And meanwhile I just need to find an effective way to stay balanced and clear headed when I spend time with a man I am very attracted to.

    My core needs are:
    A stable considerate man. A man who wants marriage and the possibility of children. a man who wants to take care of me and make me happy.

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 7:38am

  287. 287: bloom-ingNo Gravatar says:


    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 7:50am

  288. 288: RadloveNo Gravatar says:


    255 – Thanks.I am CDing. Trying to keep an open heart. Finding a lot of duds, as usual. But still trying.

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 7:52am

  289. 289: RadloveNo Gravatar says:


    262 – Thanks for believing in me. I just feel so sad when I think about no R from day to day. It was really keeping me going. Now I feel like I have nothing pleasant to look forward to.

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 7:54am

  290. 290: JasmineNo Gravatar says:


    257 – Awwww thank you!! My heart felt so warm reading that!!!

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 7:56am

  291. 291: Miss BellsNo Gravatar says:

    HS is TRULY commitment-phobic.
    I know we sometimes say that when they won’t commit to US. He is 63 and has never made a real commitment to ANYONE. He will be sexually exclusive for a time but that’s it.
    I am re-reading Men Who Can’t Love. It explains the nature of the phobia. With some ideas of what to do.
    They say that distancing yourself calms the phobia so they feel safe to engage again. I have found this to be true.
    By distancing I mean something much more extreme than just leaning back. To re-engage a commitment phobe you must actually and clearly reject THEM.
    And you must keep the rejection up intermittently. Just being still and leaning back is not enough. They can GET close but they can’t STAY close.
    I can do that but I am not at all sure it’s WORTH it!

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 7:57am

  292. 292: bloom-ingNo Gravatar says:

    jilly, i just read that about negative ions too : ) i went out this weekend & found some water.

    & femininewoman, thanks for posting the radical-love take-care-of-yourself reminders. i had a nice slow walk after work to get the office smell out of my hair : )

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 7:57am

  293. 293: GoldenflowerNo Gravatar says:

    I have just realised i feel fear around losing myself to someone.
    I love my fear. There is no need to feel fear, I have all i need to love myself and heal myself if necessary. I attract positive high minded souls. I attract good positive energies. I trust myself. I love my confident radiant self, I am enough. I am beautiful and golden. I am made of love.

    I am the yummy pie. :)

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 7:57am

  294. 294: JasmineNo Gravatar says:


    258 – “Dirty Dancing”

    What year is that movie?

    I fell asleep last night hahah, didn’t watch it.

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 7:57am

  295. 295: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    I feel like all the married people my age at church can see how broken I am, and I feel like they feel sorry for me, and it makes me feel ashamed.

    and I feel uncomfortable around married men my age that I rejected, who are happily married now, and I’m still alone.

    I feel so sad and hopeless.

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 7:58am

  296. 296: JasmineNo Gravatar says:

    ((((((Radlove my darling!!!))))))))

    We are strong women here. You are BEAUTIFUL and FANTASTIC. First days are tougher but everyday will bring you more strength.

    I trust you can do it :)

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 8:01am

  297. 297: RadloveNo Gravatar says:


    260 – Thanks for your feedback! I think poor spelling is a trigger for me because I think if a man isn’t sensitive and intelligent enough to learn basic English, then he won’t be sensitive and intelligent enough to understand me. I don’t think anything of a misspelled word here and there – I’m talking about not even trying: little punctuation, words with no spaces between them. slaughtered spelling in almost every word.

    As you all know, I have dated men on disability and in prison. So I don’t mean to be judgmental when I say he works as a dishwasher at a restaurant kitchen. But it just makes me wonder why, in combination with his poor English skills. To state it directly, I have found by experience that if a man isn’t intelligent and sensitive, he is not going to understand me. And that is centrally important to me, to feel understood.

    About sex, if I am posting for sex, lay it on. But if I post specifically talking about wanting to meet a man who will take the time to get to know my heart, and he starts making jokes left and right about me wearing a teddy, I don’t feel understood.

    About paying, that was low on my list. God knows how many thousands of dollars I have sent to men in prison over the years. It was just the straw that broke the camel’s back.

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 8:02am

  298. 298: bloom-ingNo Gravatar says:

    radlove, have you ever checked out the christian singles groups online? that sounds like it might feel better to you than the unfiltered sea of craiglist fish : ) what do you think?

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 8:03am

  299. 299: RadloveNo Gravatar says:


    296 – Hugs back to you! Thank you so much for the encouragement! I did send him one simply text early this morning:

    B: One last thing: Healthy relationships are about real love, not about power.

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 8:05am

  300. 300: RadloveNo Gravatar says:


    247 – Thank you!

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 8:06am

  301. 301: JasmineNo Gravatar says:


    299 – I feel a little curious, why did you send him that? Did he say anything back?

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 8:08am

  302. 302: bloom-ingNo Gravatar says:

    radlove, i know you’re a writer – do they have any meetups in your area for writing ? I went to one in my area & i didn’t really enjoy it so much : ))) but you might have better luck …… i feel romantic & spooky writing up in those northeastern hills…. : )) out here in the mountain/desert…. it feels more “survival mode” than anything LOL : )

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 8:09am

  303. 303: JasmineNo Gravatar says:

    Sooo today I’m going to the pool, it feels nicely warm :)

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 8:11am

  304. 304: bloom-ingNo Gravatar says:

    omg jasmine you have to watch dirty dancing !

    “nobody puts Baby in the corner !”

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 8:19am

  305. 305: RadloveNo Gravatar says:


    301 – It seems like a lot of R’s tactics in our relationship are to be in control and have power over me. More often than not, I feel like a mouse between the paws of a cat who has caught his first mouse.

    K has loved on me enough for me to know that I should feel like a princess with a man. R talks about treating a woman like a princess, but I rarely feel like one around him.

    Rori talks all the time about how we as women are the prize, and the air he breathes, and the yummy pie. She talks about taking back our personal power.

    That is what I am trying to drill into myself. No, he didn’t respond, and I don’t expect him to.

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 8:24am

  306. 306: JasmineNo Gravatar says:


    304 – Haha seems like I will!!! This afternoon when I get back from the pool.

    I wonder what year is that movie?

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 8:28am

  307. 307: bloom-ingNo Gravatar says:

    i have this weird dreamy pretend idea that i only date celebrities…. or even that celebrities are created by me ??? idk it’s just a slow post-ice-cream-type sugarland coma kind of daydream : ) & now even the people that weren’t famous when i kissed them are all getting famous. GIDDYUP let’s see what happens when i pick 1 & stick with him for life : ) lol : )))

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 8:31am

  308. 308: bloom-ingNo Gravatar says:

    jasmine, 1987 – a good vintage if i do say so myself : )

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 8:32am

  309. 309: bloom-ingNo Gravatar says:

    i have a fear that i’m committing myself to a life with ghandi & that seems TERRIFYING but i can do that & also i can live alone, just crying in the dark all day. i can do anything : )

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 8:33am

  310. 310: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    “It seems like a lot of R’s tactics in our relationship are to be in control and have power over me.”

    What I have come to accept is that the most important thing to men in relationships is feeling respected.

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 8:33am

  311. 311: JasmineNo Gravatar says:


    I think R is that way probably because he feels pressured with you. He might feel that you’re expecting him to treat you like his woman and therefore he behaves that way. Might it be defensiveness?

    I think.

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 8:34am

  312. 312: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    “What WON’T Work To Bring Him Close
    You cannot bring him close to you by WANTING him more. You can not excite him, attract him, or make him WANT YOU more by pressing him.

    Even THINKING about him makes your “vibe” seem needy, clingy, and desperate to him. This is simply not attractive to him – and it makes your self-esteem take a nose-dive.”

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 8:37am

  313. 313: JasmineNo Gravatar says:


    308 – LOL that’s ok with me. I will still watch it.

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 8:37am

  314. 314: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    “Take Your Focus Off Of Him, And Do This…
    Find something really, really important to you to focus on (work, volunteering, art projects, school…) and focus on it.
    Schedule time to just hang out with yourself in your own home so you can learn to ENJOY your own company, tolerate your fear and loneliness when you’re with yourself, and raise your self-esteem and your Degree of Difficulty.
    Schedule time to get out, go places, do things on your own or with friends that are really INTERESTING – things you enjoy, that you can learn from, and that are FUN for you – AND where there are men.
    Smile at these other men. Remind yourself to breathe. Make eye contact and keep it for 5 seconds (it feels much longer than it sounds).
    Let them come up to you and start conversations. Let them ask for your phone number. Give it to them. Go to coffee with them. Go to lunch with them. Go walking in a park with them.
    Learn to do Feeling Messages. You can learn this in all my programs and my eBook.
    And feel comfortable in your own skin around men – men you find attractive and men you don’t find attractive. Just get out there and practice and learn.”

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 8:39am

  315. 315: RadloveNo Gravatar says:


    302 – That’s a good idea! I had looked into meetups for singles but writing would be just the ticket! Thanks!

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 8:40am

  316. 316: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    As a “yes woman” you are telling yourself that you don’t count, that a man’s interests and opinions are more important than your own.
    The outcome is that you chip away at your self-esteem and that just leads to more “yes woman” behavior.

    That’s not what you want for yourself and it’s not what a man wants from you!

    No man wants to be with a “yes woman,” it’s not sexy, there’s no challenge — no growth.

    When you take a stand for yourself that challenges a man it creates that spark of attraction that can grow into a bonfire of love.

    If who you are and what you believe make him turn away from you then you have your answer: you’re not a match.

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 8:44am

  317. 317: RadloveNo Gravatar says:


    I just signed up for a poetry group.

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 8:54am

  318. 318: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    “Tammy, as long as you are unwilling to feel the painful feelings of the breakup, you will attempt to avoid them by obsessing about him. Obsessing is an addictive way of avoiding your feelings. You are asking me how to stop obsessing about him, but until you are willing to feel your authentic painful feelings, you will avoid them—and reality—with obsessing.”

    “But I don’t think I can handle those feelings.”

    “Right now, if you are willing, I will teach you how to handle these feelings. Are you willing?”

    “Yes, I’m willing to try.”

    “Okay. Breathe into your heart. What are you feeling in your heart?”

    “My heart hurts. It feels broken.”

    “Tammy, find a place within you that feels very kindly toward your broken heart. Be very gentle, very compassionate with your broken heart. Can you be compassionate—kind, caring, gentle and understanding toward your heartbreak?”

    “Yes, I can.” Tammy starts to cry.

    “Embrace your tears, your heartbreak, with deep compassion for yourself. Let the pain move through you with your tears.”

    Tammy sobs deeply for about 5 minutes.

    “How are you feeling now?” I ask.

    “Better. Calmer. I’ve cried a lot before but somehow this time I feel better.”

    “That’s because the other times you cried as a victim, but this time you took responsibility for yourself by being compassionate toward your heartbreak. You named it, acknowledged it, and embraced it with compassion. This is what allowed it to move through you.”

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 8:55am

  319. 319: turquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Sirens,

    I had a long talk with Mr. Conversation last night and we are in a pretty good place. Which mostly feels like friendship and mutual support and encouragement, and that is all he can do right now. He’s got some serious legal stuff going on with his divorce, and his focus is there. Which I totally understand. He doesn’t want to date anyone else, but said he understood if I did. It’s funny though, because I can’t remember the last time someone made me feel that they really want me in their life this much. I told him I didn’t know if I could just be friends, at least right now… and he basically refused to hear it. He doesn’t want to just be friends, but can’t do a serious relationship (which I wasn’t even asking for, he is assuming) He wanted to know what was in the middle, and I said dating! To keep me on my horse, I have two dates planned this week. Tonight with the chemist for a movie or dinner, and Thursday with Tom for dinner. He keeps popping back up in my life. He wanted me to go to his place last night, but I told him he lives too far away. He offered to meet me for drinks somehwere, but i said it would feel better to plan ahead and let him know the first day I was available was Thursday, but also for the weekend. So, he asked me for dinner on Thursday and if he should come over after work. So, he’s coming to pick me up, will pay, he never let me pay for anything… and I’m going to have a good time. Be present and in the moment.

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 8:57am

  320. 320: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Miss Bells, everytime I say to MrU that it would be best we stopped contact and don’t want to be friends, he will move heaven and earth to make sure we don’t lose touch.
    When we get close, he runs after a while.
    I am not sure it’s worth it and rejection in order to get him back seems like game playing to me.
    They will only change if they want to and as with the old dog learning new tricks….not sure.
    I believe the right man can commit. The wrong guy will keep on doing this dance because they have a fear of attachment….engulfment, whatever.
    I want a man who has no fear of committing to me

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 9:04am

  321. 321: bloom-ingNo Gravatar says:

    oooh, radlove, poetry sounds fun : ))))

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 9:09am

  322. 322: Miss BellsNo Gravatar says:

    There are men that will never be able to commit to anyone.
    The problem is that these same men are good at beginnings, and good at reeling women in.
    I will be very careful and insist on a slow pace from now on.
    I want a marathon runner, not a sprinter!

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 9:11am

  323. 323: Miss BellsNo Gravatar says:

    There are things I could say to HS that would really hurt him–hit below the belt.
    You know–one of the worst things you could say to a man. The size thing.
    It might FEEL good in the moment to say it.
    But–I won’t. Doing to him what he did to me won’t solve anything.

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 9:18am

  324. 324: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Linda – oh I’m sorry, I don’t remember Goddess

    I say something like

    ‘ I feel better to get to know a man first by dating and see how I feel. ‘

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 9:21am

  325. 325: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Ouch Radlove – I would feel so unseen and sad getting a text like that :(. Implying that i dont know what relationships are about and that I’m not about love but power. I’d feel horrible.

    I feel sad

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 9:25am

  326. 326: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Salt lamps also give off negative ions if heated and they feel so enchanted looking at them lit in the dark.

    It’s a block of salt w a candle it lightbulb in it.

    Counters the positive ions from electronics.

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 9:30am

  327. 327: bloom-ingNo Gravatar says:

    LOL, daria, you will like this.

    i have a friend who was a big ol’ “Player” his whole life…. he just closed his facebook, so i was curious what was up. he made a NEW facebook, that is him & his lady combined. i KNOW what that was about LOL, but he did it for her & no sweat & they’ve been dating now for a few years : ) cuuuuute that’s what i say : ) my friend used to say he was “dirty” but i always thought he was just too sweet & too in love with women, just looking for the one who really connected with him : )) actually for a bit he connected with me, & my friend thought it was so funny & embarrassing for him to pursue me…. & i was gentle, accepted his gifts, responded to his txts…. because i believed in his ability to be a wonderful man & wonderful partner, without judging him for his “behavior”.

    miss bells, i’m thinking of what you’re saying… & i just don’t feel sure about if there are really men who “cannot” commit… but i’m not sure what else i think about it…. (((((missbells)))))

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 9:37am

  328. 328: bloom-ingNo Gravatar says:

    oooh daria i have a salt lamp ! but i haven’t lit it in a while…. thank you for the idea!!! yum !

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 9:38am

  329. 329: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Wow and I see the mirror trigger. I do this to men when I tell them how relationships Should be.

    They seem interested and I feel strong wise and better than.

    And I don’t consider that it’s disrespectful and in a way a put down.

    And it might have an effect of emasculating my man.

    I feel so glad to be noticing.

    I feel sad.

    I feel afraid I won’t feel amazing and wise if I stop telling men what I think.

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 9:41am

  330. 330: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    I ate some spicy california rolls and some blue corn tortilla chips with guacomole for lunch. I feel so much better.

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 9:54am

  331. 331: bloom-ingNo Gravatar says:

    but daria, you can share your ideas & still say what do you think ? to get the “other side” of your ideas… the dark side of the moon lol : ) yum

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 9:54am

  332. 332: RadloveNo Gravatar says:


    325 – Thank you for your feedback. What would be a good thing to say for damage control?

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 9:55am

  333. 333: EmoticonNo Gravatar says:

    <3 this

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 9:57am

  334. 334: Dancing SirenNo Gravatar says:

    I am feeling confused.

    And a bit horrid.

    I worked with S today.

    It went ok for me. He gave me my reading book back at the end of the shift and he was crying. He held my hand and told me he still loves me.

    I feel like such a cold hearted b8tch right now.

    I mean what about being there for someone when they are having a hard time? What about supporting someone who says they want to go into recovery?

    This is what I feel confused about.

    I am the one he has admitted to that he has a problem.

    I feel as though on a human level should I offer to be there for him as a friend, as someone he can talk to about this?

    I feel confused.

    Ok, he was my man, and we are expected to trust them to do what they have to do… offers of help can seem like us not trusting them as men and saying they are incapable.

    But this just feels so cold.

    I feel all scrambled.


    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 9:58am

  335. 335: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    I’m feeling dizzy and tired.

    I feel sad and queasy. I love my fizzy and tired feeling.

    I live my sad and queasy feeling.

    Loving my emotions feels good :)

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 9:58am

  336. 336: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Blooming – well in light of how I received the comment on the blog, I won’t be Sharibg what I think.

    It felt awful. I do t want to treat my man that way and emasculate him.

    I read a really awesome book that touches on how people get disempowered, and, besides the concept of ‘reward’ which cripples inner resolve and intrinsic satisfaction ,

    Telling people and directing them in what they want to do , unsolicited, cripples ones sense of personal power

    I feel lost but suffice to say no way.

    I will be using Fm’s.

    I’ve had enormous success now with Ask For IT In Feeling Messages. I started being vigilant with it and am getting way more care and intimacy.

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 10:03am

  337. 337: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Radlove re 2977

    I feel really unheard.

    As I said it is not my experience that spelling has anything to do with how sensitive a man is. Some men just can’t spell. Its feel triggering to me because like I said the man who was the most senitive and loving to me was the one who couldn’t spell for toffee, and I do mean that, all the things you said, no punctuation, most words mispelt etc…

    However you have the right to say no if spelling really bothers you.

    Also feel unheard re the sex thing… yes you said that you had stated you were looking for connection etc, and it appears as though men often approach with a sexual viewpoint. So what I am saying is do you think this keeps coming up as there is something to work on here?

    Nevermind any 1 man… this is just what came up for me reading your posts.

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 10:06am

  338. 338: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Oh, I meantb 297! Lol

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 10:07am

  339. 339: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Radlove – the best ‘damage control’ is doing nothing, and no contact. Anything else is adding more lean forward energy and damaging more, no matter how I manipulate outwardly. Energy is not going to get ‘tricked’

    Also I would solidly solidly commit to feeling messages.

    What helped is actual translations.

    It’s felt challenging for me, I noticed for me: gimme that. Do this.

    We’re what I equated with intimacy. It felt scary to translate that… I felt concerned I would ‘lose’ that special intimate 2year old and regal part of myself. That feels so intimate speaking that way,

    And It’s been worth it, I’m discovering New ways of being!!!

    So I would translate that text to Fms to be better prepared for next time. That will put me on a FM vibe too and it’s totally taking care of me.

    So how would you translate that text to Fm’s, if we were the only ones (no men) reading it ?

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 10:09am

  340. 340: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    See what you all think of this about Circular Dating:

    I started emailing Todd last night from my list of about 100 responses to my post. He lives about 2 hours away and has 3 kids. Those aren’t deal breakers, but they’re not turn ons, either. So I give him my phone number this morning. He writes me basic statistics about job, age, and says he is serious about finding love, long term. I said me too.

    Then he texted: Do you date more than one man at a time

    B: Yes, until I am committed. What do you think?

    TD: I mean I respect how do your thing

    What would you respond, if anything? So far a half hour has elapsed.

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 10:12am

  341. 341: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Bloom-ing, I am kind of with you on that one, I find it hard to believe that there are men who won’t commit. But maybe there are men who ‘commit’ to what feels safe for them, i e to an unavailable woman – so the relationship can never get too serious. Because there are indeed men that remain ‘free’ or ‘eternal bachelors’, as it were, just flitting from flower to flower like a bee collecting nectar. And never committing or getting married. I know a man well into his 60’s, the sweetest loveliest guy you can imagine. He was once hurt very badly, 20 years ago – and he will even say to you: I am not going there again. Ever. Never a relationship again. And he hasn’t had one since…but he sits and looks at women, or follows them around to watch them.
    This is terribly sad because he is very lovely…but it is what it is.
    MrU even told me that he is not sure he can do the ‘relationship thing’ because he is a ‘hermit’. This is not strictly true, but it’s his view. I see that partly this pains him, but partly it is exactly what he wants. He wants a lady with him – but on his terms. And the ones who attract him are those that are long distance, married etc.
    So I do think every man has it in him to commit, of course, but some will choose not to, ever. My uncle is one of those eternal bachelors too.
    Kinda sad because the guys I know like that are very sweet but they all had some kind of trauma either childhood or with a bad relationship, or some kind of addiction (alcohol, gambling) – which comes before any woman.
    This made me feel sad.
    ((((man in his 60’s))) ((((MrU))))) ((((my uncle))))

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 10:14am

  342. 342: Miss BellsNo Gravatar says:

    #327: There really are such men. I have known a few. They may even get married but have still not truly committed.
    They are time wasters at best and ego/heart destroyers at worst.
    It is a true phobia for them–they are not happy men. They are to be pitied, but avoided romantically.

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 10:14am

  343. 343: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Radlove – the best ‘damage control’ is doing nothing, and no contact. Anything else is adding more lean forward energy and damaging more, no matter how I manipulate outwardly. Energy is not going to get ‘tricked’

    Well said, Daria, I am taking this onboard too.

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 10:15am

  344. 344: bloom-ingNo Gravatar says:

    Dancing Siren, it seems to me in my imagination that you will feel easier to know what you “should” do when you feel good just being you again… & you are doing that…. so when you feel good, then you will see how to act in accordance with your feelings & your heart…. what do you think ?

    also, the time you give him is time for him to problem-solve. maybe he will bring you the solution if you allow it…

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 10:19am

  345. 345: RadloveNo Gravatar says:


    339 – I really appreciate your rich feedback! Here is how I would translate it into a feeling message:

    I feel challenged sometimes to remain warm and soft in the way I relate to you. At times, I feel like a mouse between the paws of a cat who caught his first mouse, and I don’t want to feel that way with you. What do you think?

    (instead of:)

    Healthy relationships are about real love, not about power.

    Daria, what do you think/feel about that FM?

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 10:21am

  346. 346: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Re 345,

    It feels blamey.

    Like you are blaming him for your situation? When it is always us who choses our situation… and puts ourselves between the paws…

    I think.

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 10:23am

  347. 347: Dancing SirenNo Gravatar says:

    Blooming re 344,

    Yes, I expect so.

    Just feeling so confused nasty and heavy right now.

    So shall I just sit with these feelings?

    I *think* I am a mean and nasty person because I have abandoned him to his problem. I feel mean and heartless, or maybe they are not feelings, maybe they are judgements about myself.

    I feel lost and hollow and grasping inside right now


    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 10:26am

  348. 348: bloom-ingNo Gravatar says:

    ((((((((((Dancing Siren)))))))))))

    you are wonderful, gentle, loving & inspiring : )

    you are NOT abandoning anyone. you have not walked away for no reason.

    you are a sensitive woman who leads with her heart unzipped ! you are vulnerable !

    i think it feels right & good for you to go “home” & go “quiet” for “safety’s sake” after you shared with a special man that it felt very good with him… but there were things that did not feel good…. the “bad” feeling persisted, so you have taken a step back.

    you don’t have to “ignore” him – but you can if you want. you don’t have to “send” him arrows of love… he will feel your heart from any distance… but you can if you want. you are free & you flow in your life & it’s all wonderful & you aren’t hurting anyone else by keeping yourself happy : ) that is what men who love you want for you anyway; your happiness is paramount : )

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 10:31am

  349. 349: MissStixNo Gravatar says:


    I can feel your intensity…It’s not a good vibe.

    My ex-husband cheated on me with an 18 year old and I was 26 at the time. I had a very honest arguement with my then-husband. The last argument we ever had.

    Me: She’s 18 and CUTE and fun! She drives a nice car and is willing to do anything with you and won’t say no! How the hell am I supposed to compete with her??

    Him: Well you can’t you’re not the same people so maybe you should just stop trying! Why do you think she’s better than you anyways?

    Me: Repeat the above list of the tiny blonde girls attributes.

    Him: holy sh*t just stop!

    Me: But I want you back to myself! I don’t want to share you. I want to win you back and I don’t know how I just keep comparing myself to her!

    Him (I will never forget these words): WHY THE F*CK do you want to win me back? Why do you want me now? Don’t you get it? YOU ARE BETTER THAN ME. You are better than her! Do you think i’m doing this because I feel good about myself with you? You say you’re lonely. You have more friends than me. You say you’re not good enough. You’re better than me. I couldn’t live up to what I thought you deserved so I found someone who made me feel important, and big, and cool and funny. You can’t do that for me anymore.

    I know my mouth was agape. I walked away. I left him at MY house. With all of our things that I paid for. I took off in my car. The car I had used to chauffer him around. And I realized my 27 year old waiter husband was cheating with the 18 year old hostess at applebees. She wasn’t the first either.

    I stayed at my parents for a month and told him he had to leave. He did. I started on this journey of loving myself.

    When he lost yet another job I let him move back into my place in the spare room. Everyone thought I was taking him back. I had no motives other than to help him. I was thrilled when his new girlfriend let him move in with her.

    I had learned to love me! I still loved him, but I loved me so much more that he no longer had the ability to hurt me. We remain friends to this day.

    The lesson was that only YOU have the power to make yourself feel worthy. Only YOU have the power to make yourself feel unworthy.

    He married me because I gave him stability and un-questioning love. He cheated because I was more of a man and a better human being than he thought he ever could be, and yet I still picked myself apart and cut myself down and hated myself.

    Phewf. I have never told anyone these things. It feels good. I hope my story helps…Anyone!

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 10:35am

  350. 350: ruthNo Gravatar says:

    Miss Stix, i feel full of admiration reading your story

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 10:42am

  351. 351: bloom-ingNo Gravatar says:

    “Girls do not dress for boys. They dress for themselves, and of course, each other. If girls dressed for boys, they’d just walk around naked at all times.” -Betsey Johnson

    i love betsey johnson & i want to dress just how i want – ribbons & butterflies in my hair & absurd skirts & heavy necklaces & patterned tights : )))) YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY I LOVE IT : )))))))

    i once had a professor in college. & she dressed so “freaky” i just loved her more than anything. i started feeling inspired….. wearing my school marm booties with purple fishnets & a pink tutu & a collared blouse……… I LOOKED SO COOL : ))) & my best friend was makin fun of me & stuff because i would get so flipping excited for that class……. even do all the reading ! gasp ! & take notes !! double gasp !!! lol………….. & at the end, my idol told me i was the best dressed, smartest student she ever had. WHAT ???? i mean, i was just feeling inspired : ) wasn’t even “trying” — that’s the good shxt right there little girl : )

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 10:42am

  352. 352: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    (((Dancing Siren))),

    I feel lost and hollow and grasping within myself right now, too.

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 10:44am

  353. 353: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Radlove: to Todd, I would send a :)

    Also I would put more effort into responding with feeling messages (instead of just yes, until I’m committed: yes, I feel better to until I’m committed)

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 10:44am

  354. 354: ruthNo Gravatar says:

    And dancing siren, please take care of YOU

    thats all that matters right now
    S will either sort himself out, or he wont

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 10:45am

  355. 355: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    B: One last thing: Healthy relationships are about real love, not about power.

    Translate : I’m feeling out of control and powerless. I feel like blaming you for it.

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 10:48am

  356. 356: RadloveNo Gravatar says:


    353 – Thank you! Sounds good.


    346 – Thanks for your feedback. It may sound blamey. I guess I just feel sad right now.

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 10:49am

  357. 357: P-lalaNo Gravatar says:


    Wow…I know you didn’t write that post for me, but it was very powerful and I got so much truth from it. My heart feels open to believing that I am the only one who defines my worth. I need to be quiet and let this all sink in.

    Thank you for your courage to share your story.

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 10:51am

  358. 358: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    miss stix
    you’re a pretty great writer:)
    that felt super compelling to read

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 10:53am

  359. 359: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you for sharing Miss Stix… That felt powerful

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 10:56am

  360. 360: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    If you look around and see a lot of what you
    don’t want in your life, you’re experiencing
    “negative attraction”

    Debt, bills, stress, a job that leaves you
    unfulfilled (or perhaps no job at all) –
    strained relationships, lack of passion or

    Nobody “wants” these situations or problems.

    But most people spend a lot of time THINKING
    about them.

    And we know from the law of attraction that
    what you think about – you attract.

    So how do you stop thinking about your
    problems and start attracting your desires?

    The answer is here…

    The law of attraction (combined with Inspired
    Action) makes it possible for you to turn
    things around, to find love, to lose weight,
    to attract abundance…

    To create a new life rich beyond imagining —
    no matter where you are now.

    But if your mind is focused on your problems,
    on what’s not working – if you spend time
    feeling bad about yourself, about your life,
    angry towards others…

    Then what you’ll attract will be in alignment
    with those thoughts and feelings.

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 10:57am

  361. 361: FlowerChild77No Gravatar says:

    ((((Dancing Siren))))

    Only you know what is best for you and I understand why you feel like you’re being mean and uncaring. I think that’s why it’s called “tough love.” It’s not easy to give someone’s problem back to them because it does not belong to you. He is the only one that can take care of him and clean up his life.

    Unfortunately, if there is nothing at stake, he may not find the motivation to change the road he’s on. Right now he’s on a dark and dangerous path. You are on a path of light and life. Does this make any sense?

    I thought of a situation that may apply here…I’ll e-mail you <3

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 10:59am

  362. 362: Miss BellsNo Gravatar says:

    @349: I know HS thinks I am better than him.
    And I know that this OW is kinda trashy and plain. Luke warm intelligence.
    Your post drove home something I suspected–that he wants to feel superior and he CAN’T with me. And the commitment phobia…

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 11:06am

  363. 363: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Miss Stix, what a post..and what an interesting insight into the mind of a man also…thanks for sharing!!

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 11:13am

  364. 364: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    From Bob:
    Did you know that love is not necessarily a guarantee that a marriage will last? Here are some key factors that can predict a marriage’s success.

    1) A couple’s age (a husband who is nine or more years older than his wife or who marries before the age of 24 is more likely to divorce)

    2) Couples who are in their second or third marriage.

    3) Having a child before marriage.

    4) Finances.

    Factors that don’t have much of an impact on the success of marriage are:

    1) The number of children or their ages.

    2) The wife’s employment status and the number of years a wife has been employed.

    Featured Topic: How To Get Him To Want To Know How You Feel

    Why is it that men get quiet when they are upset? For many women the silence of a man can cause more doubt and fear than a raised voice. It’s the wondering that makes it so hard when your mind starts asking these questions – “Is he mad at me,” “Is he going to leave me?”

    I use to think that women were just too sensitive about a man being silent. I understood what it meant when my buddy got quiet and I assumed that the reasons were just as obvious to women as well. Fortunately for me (and my marriage) I realized that most women really don’t know what men are really thinking when he stops talking. Let me give you the 2 main reasons why men get quiet and emotionally pull away.

    1) He doesn’t know what’s wrong – Strange as it may seem often times men simply don’t know what’s bothering them. This happens when they are under a lot of stress. It isn’t one particular thing that feels overwhelming, but the combination of everything.

    Their boss is fussing at them, their bank account has less money this month than they had hoped and you (the wonderful woman in their life) have been reminding him that he’s not paying enough attention to you.

    Now there could be a dozen different reasons for any man to feel overwhelmed, I just picked those three. If this is the reason he’s quiet it means he feels that he needs to concentrate on making things better and he doesn’t know how. Talking about it may make him feel better but in most men’s mind he won’t feel better until he sees his circumstances change.

    2) He’s mad at you and he’s punishing you – When you ignore someone you get the best of both worlds. You get to be angry and the other person does all the work but asking, “What’s wrong?” You don’t have to be vulnerable. You’re free to sit in self pity while the other person feels the pain of being ignored. Most men know that ignoring a woman is easier than talking to her when you’re upset. It’s childish and mean, but a lot of men do this at times – including me.

    What should you do?

    When you notice him being quiet simply ask him if anything is wrong. If he says, “nothing” then ask him once more. If he still remains quiet then do this. Fix him his favorite drink and tell him, “I’ll be in the next room if you need me.” (Or if you’re dating you’d say, “I’m going to go home now.”)

    Here’s what that does. If he’s really upset about something and not mad at you he’ll be thankful that you have left him alone so that he can focus on is problem. He’ll also be glad that you’ve told him where you’ll be so that he can find you should he want to talk.

    If he’s angry at you he’ll be upset because his desire is to punish you. You will be training him that you will ask him what’s wrong but you won’t beg him to tell you. You are modeling for him that if he’s upset with you he can talk about it, but you are not going to be around him while he’s sulking

    Bob Grant

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 11:18am

  365. 365: MissStixNo Gravatar says:

    Wow thank you everyone!

    I have changed so much since then and I just KNOW that any woman can enact the changes I made.

    Forgiveness is most important. For yourself, and then for others. Knowing (really knowing!) you ARE beautiful, and wonderful and worthy comes next.

    I stumbled a lot, and still do, but it gets so much easier. I’m at the place now where my mean little inside voice is most often silenced with the thought “oh give me a break you’re gorgeous and you know it!”. :p

    It hurts my heart to read some of the posts on here because I have felt your feelings and been in your situations and I want to reach through the screen and hug you all and tell you all how beautiful and amazing you are! How you deserve happiness and sensuality and love!

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 11:27am

  366. 366: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Dancing Siren – I agree with FlowerChild. Also a friend can lend an “ear” and choose to only say “bummer”

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 11:28am

  367. 367: MissStixNo Gravatar says:


    Yes…He was very honest with me once he could no longer lie. He could have easily just called me fat and bitchy and said he could no longer put up with me so he found a cute young blonde (what was going on in my own head).

    “Why the f*ck do you want to win me back?” is what did it. Because I couldn’t answer his question. After everything I just couldn’t provide a sane answer.

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 11:33am

  368. 368: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    A Great Catch Lets A Man Give To Her
    Inspiring a man to see you as the one woman he wants to be with forever is all about you being able to receive love.

    Men fall in love when they give to you, not because of how much you give them or do for them.

    When you shower him with affection, attention, dinners, gifts, and always go out of your way to drive to his place, it makes him think of you as a mother or a friend instead of inspiring his emotional desire for you.

    When you’re open to receiving from a man, you’re sending a message that you value yourself – you believe you’re worthy of his time, attention, gestures, and ultimately his love.

    So resist the temptation to prove your worth by giving, and instead create the space for him to give to you.”

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 11:36am

  369. 369: RadloveNo Gravatar says:


    355 – Frighteningly accurate. Thank you for helping me see that. That’s something I want to heal.

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 11:37am

  370. 370: RadloveNo Gravatar says:


    Surprisingly, R responded just now to my doesn’t-work text:

    R: I don’t know what the heck you are talking about. You are tripping!

    B: I’m sorry about that last text. I’m feeling out of control and powerless. I feel like blaming you for it.

    Wow, that was hard to write.

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 11:40am

  371. 371: RadloveNo Gravatar says:


    337 – I just saw your post. I heard you about spelling not affecting the relationship. I just see it differently. My experience has been that it DOES affect the relationship. As an extreme, I love my dogs like children. But that is not to say I feel fulfilled in my relationship with them. I love them and they love me. But I can’t have a meaningful, two way conversation with them.

    About sex, I think I just need to quit posting on Craigslist. Men on there seem to equate “Woman” with “Sex”. Sorta like if you want to find zucchini, don’t go to a fruit orchard.

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 11:50am

  372. 372: bloom-ingNo Gravatar says:

    miss stix, thank you for sharing… how lovely that he was able to express that to you…. & that you were receptive to understanding him…. wow : ) that’s amazing

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 11:53am

  373. 373: bloom-ingNo Gravatar says:

    radlove, your response sounds authentic ! you go! that’s awesome…

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 11:56am

  374. 374: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    I feel almost completely shut down. My rent is due tomorrow and I can’t pay it. My landlord is outside doing yard word, painting, burning trash, and I just am sitting here feeling paralyzed and frozen. I shut all the blinds on that side of the house for privacy.

    I am praying for a miracle for tomorrow, so I am not yet ready to tell him I don’t have it. I feel scared of him because when my previous neighbor was 2 months behind on his rent, my landlord played dirty.

    He removed the sheriff’s notice from his door about eviction court, so he missed the court date. He accused my neighbor of stealing the boat and trailer which my landlord himself had told me had traded to him. He accused my neighbor of stealing furniture he had freely given him. He called my neighbor’s wife and called her a wh-r(e, repeatedly. He posted my neighbor’s car for free on craigslist, giving my neighbor’s phone number. He got so many calls he had to change his number.

    I don’t want to operate in fear. Courage is the willingness to act in spite of your fear. I am hiding on the blog today. I need to face my real life issues, and it feels really scary.

    I don’t want to keep having the same issues repeating. It took me a long time to get to this point after I was homeless 5 months last year. I am on the verge of losing everything.

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 11:56am

  375. 375: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    those beliefs feel bad to me:

    ‘men who dont spell well won’t take care of me’

    ‘Craigslist men are only looking for sex’

    I have some traces of these beliefs… It feels like a tightening tummy

    I want to heal this.

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 11:57am

  376. 376: RadloveNo Gravatar says:


    372 – Thank you!

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 11:57am

  377. 377: P-lalaNo Gravatar says:


    Forgive me for butting in, but I have a thought about the spelling thing that might be helpful. I, too, have found myself profoundly turned off by men who are poor spellers and inept with grammar.

    This one time, though, I decided to give K a shot. He is, seriously, a problem speller. I let is slide until we met and then have just refrained from written communication since then. That’s the key…we don’t communcate in a method that is difficult for him and triggering for me. I have discovered, though, that he is an amazing verbal communicator…and a great kisser…and neither of those things are impacted by his spelling issues.

    I’m really grateful that I gave him a shot, but I do understand your hesitancy.

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 11:59am

  378. 378: RadloveNo Gravatar says:


    311 – Probably. That sounds likely.

    Do you and other newer Sirens know about a private group we have on FB? If you would like to join, please email me at

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 11:59am

  379. 379: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Radlove – the majority of men I interact with bring up sex quite a bit, in the first conversation

    It’s up to me to share how I’m feeling, comfortable or not

    Not judging the men helps Me a lot

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 12:01pm

  380. 380: FlowerChild77No Gravatar says:

    #360/FW Thank you for posting that. I’m trying SO hard to think about what I WANT instead of what I lost. It’s not easy…

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 12:01pm

  381. 381: RadloveNo Gravatar says:


    374 – Yeah, when you put it that way, I see it’s probably not cool. So shall I do some more soul searching and formulate some more embarrassing feeling messages?

    I feel powerless to have a relationship with a man with whom I feel understood and respected.

    How’s that?

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 12:02pm

  382. 382: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Wow Radlove you are brave writing that to R.

    I feel scared myself. Lol :)

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 12:04pm

  383. 383: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Radlove wow that’s great!

    I love when my fm’s feel embarassing /vulnerable. Cuz it means I’m healing!

    Next time my power has grown and I can feel it!

    Such a different aftermath from embarrassing myself leaning forward

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 12:07pm

  384. 384: RadloveNo Gravatar says:


    378 – That feels healthy. I like that.

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 12:10pm

  385. 385: RadloveNo Gravatar says:


    376 – You aren’t butting in and you don’t need to apologize. When I post on the blog, I am posting for anyone to comment, no matter if it’s addressed to a certain person.

    That is good you gave him a chance. I will process this trigger of mine a bit. I see that it is rooted in the perfectionism which was demanded of me growing up. And perfectionists drive themselves and everyone around them crazy.

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 12:12pm

  386. 386: RadloveNo Gravatar says:


    382 – You said that well. I agree.

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 12:12pm

  387. 387: RadloveNo Gravatar says:


    381 – LOL!!! I didn’t expect that response from you! Feeling messages really ARE powerful. When I read your translation, it hit home. I felt the truth of it in my core. So I reclaimed my personal power by unzipping my heart.

    I feel attuned and harmonious with the universe when I speak my truth. I didn’t even SEE my truth until you wrote that.

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 12:16pm

  388. 388: JasmineNo Gravatar says:


    377 – Is everyone publicly on that group?

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 12:16pm

  389. 389: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    I am noticing more and more that when I get the urge to control and shame someone for their behavior it’s

    When I’m feeling shaky and unsure about my own self

    Likely I hold the same beliefs and behaviors and am really just not seeing them

    Until I put down the punishment stick and let myself look and heal

    Thank you for being here to assist my healing everyone

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 12:17pm

  390. 390: bloom-ingNo Gravatar says:

    radlove, also… my dear grandaddy is an avid reader. he has probably read most anything you’ve heard of… spent his life collecting books : ) he has opened & operated 2 book stores that are now in our family…. but the man can’t spell! to save his life lol… when he moved, i saw a stack of boxes labeled “kichen” hahaha… but he’s a dear man & fully capable of being a loving partner : ) &&& of course, he is well-read & educated : ) ………………….. also, also, i have an idea that some men……. maybe in particular Nerdy, Smart men who are a smidge “past-prime” ? ……. who may be “dumbing down” or even “young-ing down” to sound “hip” & “with-it” …. LOL… do you know what i am saying ?? haha : )

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 12:18pm

  391. 391: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    my favorite cd right now is extremely intelligent, HOT as h*ll, college educated, an IT professional for the department of transportation, a martial arts master, world traveler


    dyslexic. can’t spell at all

    i have a degree in linguistics and can out-spell anyone.

    obviously i’m going to let the spelling thing go;)

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 12:26pm

  392. 392: ruthNo Gravatar says:

    some powerful stuff on here tonight

    I am learning

    In respect of the spelling
    Mine is perfect
    But-i cant trype that well

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 12:27pm

  393. 393: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    blooming that reminds me of a very smart man I met some years ago. He was a lawyer and for the life of him it seems he had a hard time figuring out the simple things in life. Things like breaking his programmed pattern of parking in the same parking spot. If he came up and the spot was taken he would get flustered and couldn’t see the empty one next to it.

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 12:29pm

  394. 394: bloom-ingNo Gravatar says:

    gang starr speaks the truth:

    Wherever I go
    I want to take nothin less than the best
    Whatever I choose, I choose to do
    I have to stand out from all the rest
    Whatever I do, wherever I go
    I want to take nothin less than the best
    Whatever I choose, I choose to do
    I just wanna stand out from all the rest
    And all the girls they want to spoil me
    My honey annoits me with oils G
    After work she greets me, and treats me like royalty
    Works with me, giving herself, by my side
    She don’t sweat me for loot, my fame, or my ride
    A lot of ladies out there, be lookin lovely
    But they don’t got no control of the their life, inside they’re ugly
    Word to Bugsy, and to Red Alert
    Sway and Tech, and Funkmaster Flex to make your head jerk
    Chicks go beserk when they see us in the spot
    K-Ci, JoJo and Primo, creepin to the top
    And to the sweethearts out there breaking hearts
    While we’re takin part of this hip-hop art
    Listen yo, the best way, it ain’t always the fast way
    And yes the best way, it ain’t always to act nasty
    I’ll open up the door always before you pass me
    Baby Doll, because you’re royalty

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 12:37pm

  395. 395: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    RIP Guru, thank you for sharing bloom-ing

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 12:40pm

  396. 396: bloom-ingNo Gravatar says:

    what i take from those lyrics:

    men are ambitious. they want to be the best, they want to be good, they want to be strong.

    it feels good to have 1 woman – a reliable, safe, loving woman who is there in good times or bad.

    woman fawning over men is Yummy – but going straight for sxx thinking that’s the way to get heart will get you hurt.

    women want women who respect other women.

    men want the woman who gives them a foot rub at the end of the day & who requires that her Man treat her the same – because a Queen makes a King

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 12:41pm

  397. 397: bloom-ingNo Gravatar says:

    femininewoman, that story makes me Laugh Out Loud…. i’m imagining him getting all furrowed-browed about it… hahaha thank you : )

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 12:45pm

  398. 398: bloom-ingNo Gravatar says:

    starla, i been oil pulling n my little pearls look like baby teeth now : ))

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 12:52pm

  399. 399: ruthNo Gravatar says:

    I am feeling so stuck

    My situation seems impossible

    yet, i have to find a way to live with it

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 12:53pm

  400. 400: bloom-ingNo Gravatar says:

    & i meant *men* want women that respect other women.

    i can’t find josh martinez’s lyrics for the song “women loving women” but it’s on youtube.

    but here’s a portrait of a Man (“BC Trees”):

    they say i’m just some hippy, mama’s what’s wrong with me,
    i never say stoked or trippy, but i do any drxg they slip me.
    this is a glimpse into my life and what i like and what i do
    when i’m not riding my bike i look out the window and watch the view.
    i live in a city in a rainforest next to ocean,
    and the mountains look real big to this native nova scotian.
    most of the time i write rhymes in the confines of my bedroom.
    i like chilling in this city, but most of all i like its legroom.
    i like how people here do whatever they please.
    vancouver, bc, i like them big huge trees.

    you know i won’t stop thinking. i can’t stop drinking.
    i want a real woman not just some chick to put my dxck in.
    but in my room it’s high noon, and there’s a showdown at sundown
    i love the high i get from a gxnfight but can’t stand the comedown.
    when you become a rapper you open up your life to people,
    everytime i do a show, i show a little more shoulder
    hold the mic like a lighthouse, keeping watch over the landscape,
    give my man an ezra pound, the 5th element is the handshake
    gxddxmmit i can’t stand it, too many folks so serious,
    it’s simply too easy to have fun and be a comedian
    and ride the median between raw and delirious,
    oh it’s mr. magic, he’s so mysteriuos.
    synonymous made muse, i am contagious when i choose
    to be deluding the authorities and their outrageous views
    i’m one of those whose paid his dues, but got a few screws loose
    see i’ve made the best use of booze and bodily abuse
    the boys meet to eat the breakfast at bon’s off broadway.
    another shot there budd…well yeah ok, why not?
    a lot what i put in my body is shoddy and cheap,
    but i can’t afford to eat that well and still have a place to sleep.
    i keep good company and hang with the totally insane,
    i love living this lifestyle where nothing ever stays the same.
    with change comes the rains and everyone goes through growing pains.
    i want to do my laundry but i can’t remove the stains.

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 1:00pm

  401. 401: MelNo Gravatar says:

    I’m just about to finish work and head ‘home’ for the first time. Not Mr A’s place… but home. Our place.

    Wow, that feels kinda magical and strange and also a little normal and anticlimactic at the same time.

    Hee hee, I feel happy. :)

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 1:02pm

  402. 402: bloom-ingNo Gravatar says:

    ruth, do you live with a man?

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 1:03pm

  403. 403: RadloveNo Gravatar says:


    390 – That’s a good example! I feel happy for you!

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 1:04pm

  404. 404: bloom-ingNo Gravatar says:

    (((((mel))))) that sounds exciting : )))

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 1:06pm

  405. 405: MissStixNo Gravatar says:

    I can’t get away from this blog today lol


    I really admire you last text. Cudos! Your honesty is palpable. Being honest and authentic isn’t just good for the men in our lives…it’s good for us! You will never feel shame in the end if you act and speak honestly and without blame. It’s hard and a little nerve wracking, but never shameful.

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 1:10pm

  406. 406: T-GirlNo Gravatar says:

    Not to harp on the spelling thing but my J cant spell very well either but he is practically a genius that went to Mensa meetings and is the most kind and loving man.

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 1:11pm

  407. 407: MissStixNo Gravatar says:

    I can’t get away from this blog today lol


    I really admire you last text. Cudos! Your honesty is palpable. Being honest and authentic isn’t just good for the men in our lives…it’s good for us! You will never feel shame in the end if you act and speak honestly and without blame. It’s hard and a little nerve wracking, but never shameful.

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 1:12pm

  408. 408: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Yay Mel :)

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 1:19pm

  409. 409: ruthNo Gravatar says:


    yes and no
    Its very complicated and I would be afraid of being judged if i got into specifics

    Thankyou for asking though, I feel heard

    I will keep lurking

    wel, actually, i have to go and run now, but later

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 1:20pm

  410. 410: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    yeah baby
    a hot guy i have a big crush on who i just met sent me a friend request on facebook :)

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 1:21pm

  411. 411: MissStixNo Gravatar says:

    Apologies for my double post!

    I feel like sharing a little about my day/last night. I will call him G from now on called as he saidhe would. We had a great “shoot the sh**” kind of convo full of laughs. We hung up to eat dinner, and he called me back a little while later because he was “bored with no one to bug” lol. Another great convo! I was watching an especially funny episode of family guy so he put it on and laughed with me.

    Today I feel whole. I am spending the evening at his house tonight, but it feels good. I am here because I want to be here, and I was at home because I wanted to be there. Feeling very in control, and very in love. Very loved. Tonight will be good 😉

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 1:23pm

  412. 412: RadloveNo Gravatar says:


    404 – Thank you!

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 1:30pm

  413. 413: T-GirlNo Gravatar says:

    Fw, thank you for posting the article about what it means when men go silent. I needed to read that.

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 1:33pm

  414. 414: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    Ok, being who I am, I didn’t feel content to just let it drop with Todd when he wasn’t cool with me Circular Dating! So, 3.5 hours later, I texted…

    B: When I job hunt, I job hunt until I’ve had a job offer. The employer holds the power. He conducts the interviews. I go on as many interviews as I can and keep on sending out resumes until I hear,, “I want to offer you the job. Will you accept?”

    T: What’s the job description?

    B: LOL, to be a wife and a mother.

    T: I thought you was offering me a job LOL.

    B: I’m the applicant. It’s like a dance, one leads, the other follows. The employer leads with hiring. The employee follows by either accepting the position or not. But she can’t pressure the employer to offer her the job, so she applies for several jobs. The one that has the best offer, first, is the one she says yes to. Only then does she stop job hunting. Up until then, she feels free to job hunt because there is not yet a contract. What do you think?

    T: Yes I feel

    B: Cool

    T: So I want love and long term

    B: So do I. Are you offering me the position?

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 1:37pm

  415. 415: bloom-ingNo Gravatar says:

    (sorry for spamming rap lyrics……they feel good to me today & also true & also very revealing about men)

    atmosphere’s “Good Times (Sick Pxmpin’)”

    this next one goes out
    to all the depressed women in the house
    Whether you’re taking the prozac the xanax or the paxil
    Whatever the hxll they put into that capsule
    i want y’all to come up to the front of the stage
    and grab me a shot of something along the way
    put a smile on the front of your head

    you know why she’s sitting by the window
    she’s waiting for her prince to come
    and here i am on the opposite side of the room
    trying to pretend that i’m not that dumb
    it goes older bold and full of cold
    but did i mention that it’s well deserved?
    no let’s make a mess,
    no let’s make a baby,
    no let’s make some hell on earth
    do you mind if i turn out the lights?
    if i’m going to be alone i’d rather do it in the dark
    so i stare at half of a beer half wishing that the transmission would stay in park
    she keeps the music down, so her neighbors don’t complain
    keeps the drama up
    so she doesn’t forget the pain
    i keep my momentum inside my reaction
    and hide my pride inside of my laughter
    it goes…

    got a thing for the women that don’t love themselves
    so either loosen up your hair or tighten up your belt
    and this time, this time is a good time
    for good times

    and i’ll never forget the day you woke up
    to find a whole different world underneath your socks
    forgot to check your pockets before you the checked the cost
    yes ma’am, i saw the sign, no ma’am i couldn’t stop
    drop off, now look who got water on the lung
    Whatever it takes to calm your tongue
    if this living room fills with anymore faults
    i’m going to cut my finger, i’m going to paint these walls
    if anybody watched us
    they probably called the cops, cause
    it’s obvious that neither one of us can adjust
    Discussion becomes disgust
    if luck was a lady I doubt she would save me from the bumrush
    enough is enough, but how much is too much
    Why am I still just a sheep to your touch
    why can’t i ever fall asleep at dusk?
    why do i need to see everything crushed?
    it’s a big map girl, it’s yours if you asked
    if it don’t wash up to the shore you won’t discover it
    stand to get hotter than your head with that other shxt
    swallow it to chase and follow the suffering
    but i’m still smiling, still up to no great
    still trying to relocate
    somewhere i’m going to find some work that matters
    till then all you get is my smirk and my laughter

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 1:38pm

  416. 416: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    I used Daria’s feeling message from earlier:

    T: Yes I am. Are you willing to be faithful

    B: I feel better to get to know a man first by dating and see how I feel.

    T: Ok cool

    B: :-)

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 1:39pm

  417. 417: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Radlove I would let him be the hunter hunting to be the man to take care of me forever :)

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 1:40pm

  418. 418: RadloveNo Gravatar says:


    389 – Another fantastic example of how spelling isn’t important. Thank you!

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 1:41pm

  419. 419: TamNo Gravatar says:

    398 (((Ruth)))
    I understand that you might not want to share your specifics, but it feels sad to think you are stuck in a situation seemingly not able to change it and having to live with it.
    I would like to think that there is something you can do to change/improve whatever it is you have to deal with and I wish you strength for that.

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 1:41pm

  420. 420: RadloveNo Gravatar says:


    416 – Every analogy breaks down somewhere. I will try to work that in. I was just trying to give him a feel for the concept of CDing, and that’s the best I could come up with.

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 1:42pm

  421. 421: MissStixNo Gravatar says:

    Thoughts of self forgiveness flowing through my mind.

    I would dance around the house in shorts and a tank not caring how I looked. I would let positive self love start in my brain and feel it flow through me like water. In my head I would picture turning it into a warm, electric aura surrounding me. My love for myself, my forgiveness to myself for the hateful thing I said to me. My love for others. For men. My forgiveness to anyone I felt harmed me. My forgiveness to myself for allowing it. I turned it all into something I could see in my mind, feel in my body and project out into the world in a way I felt I could almost touch. I cried. Alot! Happy, sad, overwhelmed with hope. I took those feelings and put them all out into that aura. I did this consciously over and over. Until I only became conscious of when I wasn’t doing it.

    I feel a little silly about sharing but it did wonders for me. For having the ability to really know what i’m feeling and why, and turn it all into a positive energy I feel surrounded by.

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 1:44pm

  422. 422: ruthNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you Tam
    There *will* be stuff i can change

    Mostly related to how i deal with all this

    Just, well, bit tricky

    I would like to run away from it all and do my own thing I am ok on my own but this isnt an option

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 1:46pm

  423. 423: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    I trusted my dad more than my mom cuz he seemed more sincere, and when not in a rage, fair

    I didn’t trust women or want to be close to them.., unless they were tomboys like me

    Because I didn’t trust my mom or feel safe to be close to her

    She’d always betray me by treating me less than in public

    Or turning and gossiping about me and telling someone else in a twisted way what I had just shared w her heart to heart

    Ouch my jaw I know I do this too

    I want to heal this

    I feel better my mom and I are getting happier

    I feel scared

    I feel mistrustful, dead, heartclosed

    Sometimes she ignores me

    I feel so excited to be seeing and healing this

    Wow me

    Healing myself I let the wonderful was of my parents natures=souls out too

    Wow this feels deep and healing

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 1:46pm

  424. 424: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    I trusted my dad more than my mom cuz he seemed more sincere, and when not in a rage, fair

    I didn’t trust women or want to be close to them.., unless they were tomboys like me

    Because I didn’t trust my mom or feel safe to be close to her

    She’d always betray me by treating me less than in public

    Or turning and gossiping about me and telling someone else in a twisted way what I had just shared w her heart to heart

    Ouch my jaw I know I do this too

    I want to heal this

    I feel better my mom and I are getting happier

    I feel scared

    I feel mistrustful, dead, heartclosed

    Sometimes she ignores me

    I feel so excited to be seeing and healing this

    Wow me

    Healing myself I let the wonderful was of my parents natures=souls out too

    Wow this feels deep and healing

    This feels wondrous

    Wow I feel scared, paralyzed

    Wow I’m seeing the vision

    Oh I have compassion for us


    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 1:47pm

  425. 425: bloom-ingNo Gravatar says:

    ruth, hm well i really Believe that you will get a golden situation……. you sound so full of love & patience & grace…….. that looks to me like a carriage woven around you…… so you are always, already safe & comfortable………. : )

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 1:47pm

  426. 426: ruthNo Gravatar says:

    Sounds good Miss Stix

    Yoga helped me a while back to release stuff

    I need to go and find some classesa again
    preferably DRU Yoga

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 1:48pm

  427. 427: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Wow now that I got so into myself CD called me and instead of all into relationship I feel all deep so I’m like I feel all deep

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 1:49pm

  428. 428: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    i love me so much:)

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 1:49pm

  429. 429: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Ruth – thanks for mentioning DRU yoga, I felt curious and rad about it, feeling excited and curious

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 1:50pm

  430. 430: bloom-ingNo Gravatar says:

    thanks, missstix : ) that is an amazing exercise & i feel so excited to try it “your way” YUM thank you : )

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 1:54pm

  431. 431: ruthNo Gravatar says:



    To me, my post looks desperate and lost and pathetic
    as far from “grace” as you could hope to be

    thats a lovely thing to say, but i dont feel it is me
    well, not right now anyway
    Something to aspire to

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 1:54pm

  432. 432: ruthNo Gravatar says:

    DRU yoga is amazing
    But be prepared to cry like a baby when you are doing it
    That is quite hard in public, especiually in Britain!

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 1:56pm

  433. 433: TamNo Gravatar says:

    421 – urgh Ruth, I am sorry you can’t just be by yourself and run if that is what you would like to do. However, having said that, from the perspective of someone who always used to run because she was ‘happy and ok by herself’…I am fed up with that now..guess the grass is always greener….
    I am so determined that in my next relationship I will not run when it gets complicated but actually try to resolve complications with some of the help I got from here.
    If and when that relationship comes..I am in no rush..

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 1:56pm

  434. 434: turquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Miss Stix, I enjoyed reading your post as well. It’s amazing how easy it is to read someone elses words and have the “Aha” moment. :) Thank you for sharing!

    Bloom-ing… why did you change your name? Your writing style is oh so unique… I’d recognize you anywhere :)

    Radlove, C wasn’t the best speller either. He’s gotten a lot better, but he still makes mistakes. The man has two master’s degrees, controls a multi-billion dollar budget for the Pentagon, is a high ranking army officer, and a great provider. It really bothers me too when I see bad grammar, and I’ve dismissed many because of it if I didn’t find them attractive. This is a good reminder to me to give everyone a chance. I know that I prefer an educated man though.

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 1:59pm

  435. 435: beckiNo Gravatar says:

    i have been reading a lot of the blog and i’m trying to figure out which program i should start with (right now thinking modern siren?) i have a complicated situation. i would hope my post would not cause harsh judgment or criticism towards me (seems like everyone on here is pretty much non-judgemental which is why i am choosing to post this) how best to put this? it started 12 years ago when i was dating a wonderful man but felt he really wasn’t that into me. seems like he was enjoying single life and dating (at least one other woman at the time) so i started dating another man. for a few weeks i was seeing both men and although unaware i was able to get pregnant (long story) i did become pregnant. The one i first started dating (i’ll call him VP) had already told me he accepted a job offer and in a few months would be moving 3 hours away. the other one was nice enough and i liked him but he wasn’t “the one” (I’ll call him UD for underdog) well my periods are irregular so no idea who was the father but according to missed period it was VP. later an ultrasound swung more towards UD. i chose to let VP go not mentioning possible fatherhood (was 24 and very immature in some ways, selfish really) and let UD claim her. Everyone says she is spitting image of UD (i can’t tell) anyways after several years we married and now 12 years later i am miserable. i will be leaving in the next 2 months to go out on my own (please again, i feel guilty enough already) since new years i started seeing VP again about 2-3 times a month. (He still lives 3 hours away) UD suspects something but im not ready to break his heart (not in a position where i can afford to move out for another month or 2) well ive discovered im madly in love with VP and he knows my situation. He’s ok seeing me but i think my situation causes him to withdraw somewhat (He still is unaware there is a possibility he could be a father). when we are together it’s amazing, but when im back home the contact is not very much. fb messages every week on average. i told him 2 visits ago that i didn’t think he was into me so i let him go and got pregnant and settled but he was always the one. told him i didn’t know what we have and im ok with that now but one day i want his heart (i am not ok with it but given that i am still married what can i really expect from him) he never responded, just hugged me. i left and have visited once since. he held me more the next time and was much “loving” but still no mention. he pulls back a lot, and then will come around again. it’s not all about sex either. i want to know basically how i can 1. keep him around until i can move out, 2. keep him interested after i move out, 3. help him to see once a cheater always a cheater is not true. he knows i am not in love with my husband and did it for my daughter. i dont make it a habit to cheat but this man has my heart and i would do anything for him. BUT i know i need to learn how to lean back at the same time. i always visit him which is normally a no no i think, but i am married and living at home so him coming here is a no-no as well. he really is a great guy and in my eyes he is “the one”. i never stopped thinking about him in all these years and hate i chose the path i did but i feel like with help i can turn this in my favor. so which program would you think i need?

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 2:00pm

  436. 436: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Radlove – hunting imagery and siren imagery are KEY for both my self esteem and energy as the prize, the attractor, the desired

    And for a man to appreciate his masculinity, hunter, hunting, chasing are all great images for masculine energy

    That one felt disturbing to me as in the polarity felt off

    He wanted to turn it to him masculine… Did u notice?

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 2:00pm

  437. 437: RadloveNo Gravatar says:


    433 – Wow!

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 2:00pm

  438. 438: turquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Radlove, I missed some of the posts and will try to catch up tonight, but I just wanted you to know that I’m sorry you are having a rough day and worried about finances. That is one of the worst feelings for me. I wish I had the money to help, but I’m pinched pretty tight this week with extra monthly expenses for my girls with camp and cheer. The end of the month is always tough for me though, so I’m going to work through my budget and find a way to feel more secure all month long. Anyways, leaving work now, but just wanted you to know I’m thinking about you!


    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 2:03pm

  439. 439: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Well that was my guess, when he asked is he getting the job

    These images are great help to me and Rori uses them a lot

    When I read the interaction, I felt disturbed …

    It seemed he was being made the mermaid and you the prince

    I remember reading before that you’d prefer to be feminine energy, and well that imagery felt uncomfortably off for me

    Your passion n emotiins nonetheless was coming through beautifully and that felt attractive despite the icky feeling imagery

    to me

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 2:04pm

  440. 440: ruthNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you Tam
    ya cant flush 25 years down the pan just like that

    Sometimes i would like to
    And, I *am* ok on my own
    Always have been

    Anyhoo, its my problem to own.
    Just got to come up with something that works that I can live with
    Not the Rori way, I know

    But some things you are stuck with
    Gotta make the best of it

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 2:05pm

  441. 441: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    @349 Miss Styx – I feel extreme sorrow reading that. Thank you for sharing. I think I understand. No man will ever be good enough for me, if I’m not good enough for myself.

    and it sounds like he didn’t feel good enough for you, like you were mirroring each other’s unworthy feelings or something.

    I feel so sad for you, but I feel glad that you’ve healed.

    wow, I need to like, meditate on that or something.

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 2:06pm

  442. 442: turquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Yeah… I know… WOW is right. He’s extremely career oriented, was a problem in our marriage, but I do admire all he’s accomplished. And, even though we aren’t together, he works hard to give us as much as he can.

    Have you considered joing christian dating groups? I have a feeling the men would be more respectful.

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 2:06pm

  443. 443: bloom-ingNo Gravatar says:

    ruth, yoga helps me feel “connected” too : ) YUM

    in all the posts to other women, you are gentle & kind & “hearing” & sensitive… & rori postulates that “how we are on the blog is how we will be in relationship” so i imagine that you are that way with yourself & with others : )

    i read what tam wrote as well & i feel curious about the “fine by myself” idea… i always tell myself that. & actually i find myself romanticizing the idea of “loneliness”…… yesterday i tried to imagine my ideal relationship/home-life….. & it was so funny to find myself instantly more drawn to images in my heart of suffering & loneliness……. jane eyre / wuthering heights / sense & sensibility type-scenarios……. with lots of rumbly dark days & howling lonely nights……… : ) so i’m giving myself permission to really explore something that feels “right” for me……. & still beautiful…… but that allows companionship, help, love, ease, …….. dare i write it ? ……… splendor : )) i can barely even want those things i notice……. but i do believe that will feel better to me than the gloomy doom i love to read & write about : )

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 2:06pm

  444. 444: RadloveNo Gravatar says:


    436 – Thank you!

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 2:07pm

  445. 445: ruthNo Gravatar says:

    “It’s OK to be sensual, sexual, successful and satisfied”
    Very much okay in my book

    Not an option

    *hollow laughter*
    Right, i have siad too much as it is

    back to lurking

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 2:08pm

  446. 446: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Omg Miss Stix – I feel so empowered w ur radiate into my aura tool

    Wow this feels amazing and I’m learning about me thank u!

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 2:08pm

  447. 447: bloom-ingNo Gravatar says:

    turquoise, hi! : ) thank you : )) it’s nice to “see” you… : )
    i just wanted a “shift”…… : )

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 2:11pm

  448. 448: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    What an amazing feeling way to get into the soup

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 2:11pm

  449. 449: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    I only dismiss the otherwise good guys with bad grammar if they are complaining about people with bad grammar in their dating profiles while using it incorrectly… or worse, spelling it “grammer.”

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 2:15pm

  450. 450: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    ‘But some things you are stuck with
    Gotta make the best of it’

    Oh that feels horrible

    I hate that you believe this

    I feel so crushed and powerless and so angry!!!!!!!!

    Can’t you see u are hurting all of us and our family by believing this!!!!???

    I want to hit u and Shake you

    I want to intimidate you and run at you and yell at you

    Stop believing this shit!!!!

    And beat u till you’re senseless till you don’t move

    Or resist so I can force you to change your belief but I don’t want that

    That sounds like. Horrible abuse trauma and not what I want in our relationship at all

    I feel guilty now for wanting that

    For sharing that I feel afraid

    U r too weak to hear this I’ve damaged u I hurt you

    I feel guilty

    I feel sick in my funny pouty in my mouth


    I want to heal all this

    Thank you for helping me

    I feel sad

    I feel ‘stuck’ in pouty mode



    I give myself permission to love my poutynesd and now I’m smiling :)

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 2:22pm

  451. 451: ruthNo Gravatar says:

    Thtas ok daria

    I havent been specific about my situ, and i am not going to be, sorry

    But some things *are* fixed for me
    I appreciate your feelings and see whee you are coming from
    I wont say anything more about it, i can see it would distrub the good vibe on here , and for that i feel sorry and bad

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 2:30pm

  452. 452: FlowerChild77No Gravatar says:

    Ruth…Rori says in her LoveScripts program that if you are in a committed relationship/married, etc. that you need to find a way to make it “ok for you.” (And this program shows you how.)

    It sounds like you already believe you have no choices. If you read more (or tell us what’s up) there may be some Rori advice and/or tools that you just don’t know about yet.

    Just my two cents <3

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 2:31pm

  453. 453: Dancing SirenNo Gravatar says:

    Tonight I felt very, very hungry.

    I have eaten a chicken keiv with creamy peppercorn sauce, mashed swede/potato, cauliflower cheese, cramed spinach.

    LOTS of creamy stuff, and lots of calories.

    And its just what my body was telling me I needed. And what I felt I wanted.

    And now I feel really full up.

    Probably a bit too full up.

    But that is ok.

    And actually it would really feel quite good to have a cuddle.

    But that isn’t going to happen tonight I don’t think. Will go to bed in a minute and cuddle my teddy bear.

    At Al Anon (which I have been to in the past) they have this thing called HALT, which means stop if you are Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired. I realised I was feeling all of these.

    Well, I have definitely taken care of the hungry bit! Lol… I still feel a bit angry, tired will get taken care of in a minute. I feel a bit less lonely talking on here, on Facebook and my Mum is in the lounge with me (although she is sleeping).

    Its not so bad.

    For the first time really I have thought that I am missing S.

    Oh I feel sad.

    But its important to remember all the icky feelings too, the fear and the crazy making knowing/feeling something was off but not really knowing what was going on.

    I miss going to his though.

    Oh well, other stuff will come along.

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 2:32pm

  454. 454: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    I could take myself out…

    Nooo I have no shoes to wear

    It will feel boring

    It will take too long

    I dont want to get up

    I dont want to brush my hair

    I do t want to do it by myself! :,(

    I feel heart pain. Desperate sad powerless abandoned

    I feel awful

    I feel amazed I didn’t know I felt this way

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 2:33pm

  455. 455: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    I don’t want to be left alone!

    I feel desperate and powerless


    I feel sobby

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 2:34pm

  456. 456: OlympiaNo Gravatar says:

    Hope everyone has been having a good day, and hugs to those who are struggling. These affirmations have put me in a mood since yesterday to be gentler to myself.

    I am meeting a guy I like at a bar tonight to see a band. I know I leaned forward by asking him, so I need to conjure my feminine energy for tonight!!

    MissStix’s story was incredibly moving. I feel like I do the same thing to myself (tear myself down even though I have a lot going for me – blind to how others see me) Thank you for sharing.

    OK, time to go shower and get beautiful feeling for tonight!! :)

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 2:35pm

  457. 457: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Ruth – all about my mom, not you. Thank you for sharing and helping me heal

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 2:37pm

  458. 458: JasmineNo Gravatar says:

    Awww I’m such a sweetheart

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 2:40pm

  459. 459: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    I feel guilty reading that someone feel bad… And that’s triggering my rage and defensiveness right now

    I feel rageful I feel not seen not heard

    I feel controlling

    I feel powerless

    I feel desperate

    I feel terrified

    I want to heal this

    I can barely handle feeling like this

    I want to blame someone

    I feel tight in my head

    I’m giving myself peisiiion To love feeling this way

    Wow cool that felt easy


    I feel scared again

    I feel out of control and powerless

    I feel insignificant

    I feel ‘weak’ and ashamed and paralyzed and panicked

    I feel on verge of trauma

    I feel intensed

    I give myself permission to love feeling this way


    I feel smily

    U feel chocked

    I give myself permission to love feeling this way



    That feels really good :)

    Wow Daria

    Hehe :)

    I feel compelled to think back and worry and feel bad again

    I give myself permission to love feeling that way

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 2:44pm

  460. 460: ruthNo Gravatar says:

    thank you flowe child and daria

    i just had the nastiest e mail and text and so i am going to try and deal with that
    I feel reallyhelpless now
    And angry, but nothing i can do


    Anyway, thank you

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 2:44pm

  461. 461: MissStixNo Gravatar says:


    Thank you for your comment. Looking back I believe you ate right. I can’t really pinpoint where it went wrong, but there is a lot of truth in what you said. We fed off each other in many ways and our feelings of inadequacy were definietly a part of that.

    Ahh first love…Can be beautiful and bright and heartbreaking and dark…

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 2:45pm

  462. 462: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Ruth – it feels so heartbreaking to read.the thoights of hopelessness and powerlessness
    I feel terrified my mom won’t heal, and I’ll never feel happy thinking of her

    I feel sobbing

    I feel so powerless

    I feel so A

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 2:47pm

  463. 463: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    RadLove I use real estate. Keep the house on the market for the best offer.

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 2:51pm

  464. 464: MissStixNo Gravatar says:

    Feeling suddenly overwhelmed.

    I feel pride, and a slight sadness for my past self. I don’t keep a journal (maybe I should), so releasing things into words is having an effect today.

    I will do yoga. I’m glad it was brought up! It’s a new found love of mine. I started for my degenerated discs, and found peace, energy, and a languid body feeling yet un-matched by anything.

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 2:53pm

  465. 465: SunshineNo Gravatar says:

    I’m feeling powerful and fearless and calm and tranquil.
    Today my iPod was stolen from my office. I almost didn’t report it to security because it has features that we aren’t allowed to have and I was afraid I might get suspended for a week.
    I embraced and breathed through all of the feelings about my precious iPod being stolen, then breathed into all of the feelings and images that were coming up around being afraid of “getting in trouble”. I chose not to act out of fear. I welcomed waves and waves of thoughts, feelings and emotions, and let them go.
    I called security and reported it, and ended up having a wonderful conversation with the guard on duty and we talked about love and yoga (which is very unusual given the area where I work)!
    For a while I amused myself with wondering what the person who has my iPod now would think about my crazy woo-woo music. I laughed and felt some embarassment as I thought of all of the conversations and arguments with myself I had recorded recently. I wondered if he/she would listen to any of my music and like it, or just erase it.
    And I got back to work, mellow, not a big deal…a few pangs of loss here and there but it’s so interesting to notice I almost feel like something is wrong because it just is No Big Deal. Meh. Goodbye sweet iPod, I don’t know when I’ll be able to afford another…how does it get any better than this?

    I wonder if this is what it’s like to live in peace, without being manic or obsessive or in pain and trauma all of the time? I thought of my Big Dream of creating a sacred birthing center in Hawaii that supports gentle birth and ocean birthing and of being a midwife…and it doesn’t have quite the pull, meaning, I don’t feel like it’s some unattainable thing that I’m longing for. I feel curious…I wonder what life will bring? I wonder if this is what the LOA teachers mean when they say when you are in vibrational attunement the ‘big’ stuff is just the next thing you are doing, it’s natural and easy and isn’t a huge leap.

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 2:53pm

  466. 466: ruthNo Gravatar says:

    But you are not responsible for your mom

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 2:58pm

  467. 467: bloom-ingNo Gravatar says:

    ruth, i don’t feel afraid of you or for you. i don’t feel afraid of hearing more or not knowing more : )

    i do want you to feel Powerful… & not helpless : ) but that’s only because i know you are ! : )))

    worst case scenario…..i’m going there in my mind….. still i can feel good because i know that i can always care for myself by breathing consciously, standing upright, taking it all in – a heroine of my own epic poem : ) you can be strong with words or with silence, with action or with inaction…. hmmm………….. feel a bit “lost” because i sense my own strong desire for “rapid change” – but i give up control. it’s just me in this life in my small body – but i’m connected to everything & nothing can hurt me… what a wonderful, exciting story. this life… very mysterious.

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 3:04pm

  468. 468: RadloveNo Gravatar says:


    461 – “RadLove I use real estate. Keep the house on the market for the best offer.”

    I feel unsure…are you referring to my house? I am a tenant, not an owner.

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 3:06pm

  469. 469: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    im feeling smily… i wrote a long post that got lost, and cried a lot

    this has been feeling so healing and i touched on feelings that i have felt afraid to touch


    :) smily mhmmm

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 3:08pm

  470. 470: FlowerChild77No Gravatar says:

    (((((Ruth))))) <3

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 3:09pm

  471. 471: EllaNo Gravatar says:


    Re 449,

    If you want to keep your situation to yourself that is totally your choice and fill your boots :-)

    However do not worry about upsetting the good vibe on here… getting triggered and working through stuff and giving mutual support is a big part of what we are all about.

    And I personally have gained a lot this way. The women here are amazing and can sometimes see perspectives I wouldn’t even have thought of on my own.

    Anyway, as I said your choice, howeverr just feel free and not restricted.

    Rori even suggest we can use an alternate hidden identity here if we want to…


    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 3:12pm

  472. 472: bloom-ingNo Gravatar says:

    you say, nasty email & txt ??

    i’m thinking…..”i feel angry hearing those words directed at me… i don’t want to engage with that energy right now, it just feels too draining for me”…………later maybe in person…… “i feel quiet when so much is said like that… i’m feeling a bit word-less at the moment, actually… i think i’ll take some time to walk down the road” ……….. come back ……… someone wants to keep talking…… “i hear you that you are feeling X & Y… but i’m still feeling Z….. i want to sit somewhere quiet & enjoy a glass of wine… what do you think?……ok thank you……” ……….. conversation starts peacefully… maybe days later…… “i feel what you’re saying… i feel it deeply…… & i do want to share with you so we can both feel good….. i’m feeling a little confused when you say A…. it would feel good to talk a little more about that…. i really want to understand you”…………….conversation gets tense……”hmm wow that is interesting… & actually i can tell that you have a lot to say about this…. i’d feel better to take a break right now. thank you for sharing & talking with me… i think i’ll go out & run some errands… it would feel nice to keep talking about this later… thank you” it can keep going forever… but there is no regressing ! there are no steps backward & it’s all progress. i believe that !

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 3:14pm

  473. 473: Dancing SirenNo Gravatar says:

    Feeling a bit lonely tonight.

    And my muscles are aching.

    Actually feeling VERY lonely.

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 3:22pm

  474. 474: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    Today i had a second date with a guy who looks old enough to be my Dad, but who I perceive to be a good and masculine man!

    On the first date I kept telling myself that CDing is for the purposes of healing and for discovering myself in a man’s presence. I *decided* to like him, whoever he was, and to agree to a second meeting.

    Today I felt out of control, vulnerable, desperately teary.
    A mild asthma feeling had come into my chest as I was looking at clothes shops before the time of our appointment.

    I saw him approaching me at our meeting place. He was on the phone talking. He waved. I felt scared about my physical predicament. I was struggling to get a full breath. I had no medication with me. I stood next to him as he spoke on the phone, but I looked away, struggling with my feelings and my shortness of breath.

    He stopped talking on the phone after a couple of minutes, saying it was his daughter he’d been talking to. He’d touched my leg (to reassure me) whilst on the phone.

    He asked me how I was. I said I didn’t feel too good and felt like fainting. He said sit down and take deep, slow breaths. I felt panicky. I asked him to walk me to my bus. He said he would drive me to his house. I felt even more panicky then.
    I realised my brain was searching for a way to rescue me. I was looking for an escape.

    He asked my some humdrum questions. I felt the effort of talking was weakening my breath further. I began to feel angry. Why couldn’t he sympathise better with my physical distress?

    I began to cry. I felt so lost and hopeless. And weak.
    My brain began to tell me this must look weird to him.
    I couldn’t help it.
    I carried on crying and feeling sad and helpless, and catching myself feeling surprised to be weeping there in front of an almost-stranger in the middle of a busy city centre!

    He stayed very calm and encouraged me to sit quietly and relax.

    I also felt shocked at my judgement of him. In the first meeting I gave him the benefit of all doubts. This made me feel strong and compassionate and powerful.
    Now, I allowed the doubts, the ‘what-ifs’.
    What if he is not quite the gentleman he seems? What if he is trying to get me to go to his house?

    I felt afraid. I felt a self-preservation strategy coming on. I agreed to hang out for an hour having a drink before the next bus. I stated firmly that I was going to take that bus.

    He walked me to the bus. On the way, I judged him and his conversation as boring. I could see my vibe was affecting him, but he carried on chatting to me about this and that.

    He mentioned taking me out again. “Not likely” I whispered to myself under my breath.

    I got on my bus, glad for the peacefulness of my own company and solitude.

    I feel silly. For going out with him again. I had actually looked forward to it. I felt so awkward. I hate feeling like that. I felt cowardly for not accessing and expressing all of my true feelings.

    I was able to express some of my feelings to him. But I found myself beating myself up for feeling unable to express myself further in feeling messages.

    April Rose, please love yourself and congratulate yourself on your babysteps, sweet girl. Rome wasn’t built in a day.

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 3:27pm

  475. 475: RadloveNo Gravatar says:


    Me too.

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 3:27pm

  476. 476: bloom-ingNo Gravatar says:

    dancing siren… this probably sounds super weird, but i’m up at strange hours sometimes & i lived alone for a long time & i’d be writing & just start feeling so desperately alone… & there is a website called “chat roulette” that randomly connects your webcam with another webcam… it is USUALLY creepy LOL…. many men with their parts exposed…. lol…… BUT it is also USUALLY full of totally normal random humans from around the world : )) some people will have it at a party or a couple of kids at a sleepover…… LOL i’m probably going to get in trouble some day because of stuff like this, but it’s a fun easy way to make yourself cry laughing & to instantly “connect” with other people : ) ((((((((((DancingSiren))))))))))

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 3:29pm

  477. 477: FlowerChild77No Gravatar says:

    ((((Dancing Siren))))

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 3:31pm

  478. 478: bloom-ingNo Gravatar says:

    someone brought me some calamari salad (??lol) at work today…… so i’m going to take my laundry to the laundromat & go have a glass of wine & eat the remains of this silly salad & read an Oprah magazine. i feel disproportionately excited about this very simple plan… : )

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 3:33pm

  479. 479: bloom-ingNo Gravatar says:

    (((((April Rose)))))

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 3:34pm

  480. 480: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks Ruth – i feel anger for all the times i didn’t feel loved or encouraged by my mom due to her having believed beliefs that felt bad and that incapacitated her

    i feel furious and like ive been robbed

    it feels really challenging for me to just feel this and not blame anyone

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 3:34pm

  481. 481: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i also feel desperately hearbroken and powerless

    :( feel crying

    shift out

    im just touching these feelings and i feel powerful

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 3:35pm

  482. 482: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    (((April Rose)))


    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 3:36pm

  483. 483: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i guess i hve a pattern to shame people who are people pleasers to take care of themselves by pointing out that they are shortchanging other people

    and i feel guilty and ashamed of this and i feel pulled away from looking at it

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 3:36pm

  484. 484: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    sorry Ruth some of that shaming energy might have gone into my post

    i feel exahsperated

    i feel ACH

    i feel like running away

    i feel dizzy

    i feel out of my body

    i feel in my body

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 3:38pm

  485. 485: luzydelNo Gravatar says:

    So I feel I may be judged for what I am about to write here, perhaps because deep inside I am already judging myself…

    D and I agree to have a FWB relationship; even though is sexually exclusive it has no promise for the future or commitment. I went on date 3 with Virgo guy and I will not continue pursuing it, that will be leading him on and I do not feel a connection beyond a casual friendship. I am glad I did give us the chance to meet three times though. No other people in my cycle, no emails from POF, and I don’t know why D keeps coming back, but I know he cannot commit, but I enjoy intimacy with him, so for now that’s it, I wont expect anything else…

    I don’t know if I want a committed relationship anymore, Truth is that sometimes I don’t know what I want… I dream of that relationship, but sometimes I wonder if it is because I am biased with society’s expectations of the “perfect” relationship…

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 3:43pm

  486. 486: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    I feel panicky and scared about my life situation and about no contact with R at the same time. I have this beautiful ship, and it’s sinking! I feel like screaming desperately for help. I feel like escaping. I feel like hiding.

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 3:44pm

  487. 487: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    I feel sad, because so many of these problems would not exist if I had a normal family life with a husband to take care of me.

    I feel weary. I feel vulnerable. I just want to be held and know everything is going to be okay. I wish I could lean on R like that. But at every turn, he makes it clear that I cannot rely on him. One of the few things he ever did for me besides pump gas is take my kittens to the vet while I was at work.

    I just wish I were a wife.

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 3:47pm

  488. 488: FlowerChild77No Gravatar says:


    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 3:53pm

  489. 489: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    Today I saw the power of my own choices.

    On the first date, I decided to like him. Result – I liked him. I wanted to see him again.

    On the second date I decided I didn’t like him. (He has done nothing wrong, and I am sure he is a good man.)
    Result – I don’t want to go out with him again.

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 3:54pm

  490. 490: April RoseNo Gravatar says:


    I feel hopeful for you.

    You said “I wish I were a wife”, and not “I wish I were R’s wife”.

    Can you picture yourself in a marriage with a man who is falling over himself to hold you and make you feel good?
    I feel curious if you are able to visualise this.
    I feel too afraid to even try!

    I will try it if you do.

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 4:00pm

  491. 491: Dancing SirenNo Gravatar says:

    Night Sirens.

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 4:02pm

  492. 492: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    Night night lovely ladies.

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 4:06pm

  493. 493: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Aww Radlove. Being married isn’t always easy. It can be lonely and painful, and not always financially secure. I worry that your eye is so much on that prize, as the solution to all your problems, that you won’t find it. :(

    Have you gotten your sleep issues resolved? I thought I read you were getting medication to help with that? I really hope you can find a job and have some financial security, so that you can feel good about providing for yourself and not have those worries on top of others. Hang in there, it’s going to be ok!

    I’m off for my date with the chemist. We are meeting for dinner. I really hope it goes better than our first date, which was a boring breakfast. He’s better looking in his pictures, that feels like such a let down.

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 4:14pm

  494. 494: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    April Rose,

    487 – Yes, i can visualize this. R is far from perfect. I feel little actual affection from him. I need that and want that and won’t settle for less than that.

    He says it is not a romance so fine. But if it is? If he comes close down the road? The path to get there has been full of pain, and I am not going to see that lightly. I think it’s intentional, no matter what he said.

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 4:16pm

  495. 495: ruthNo Gravatar says:

    Daria, darling, just let it go about your mom

    it is about you not her

    God, I could write pages and pages about me and my mom, but, well, it is done and finished and it was
    but now i am me and i have to live my life

    Blooming.I am going to have to read your post carefully.It is important.I feel a bit, well overwjelmed, cant process right now
    I am not used to feeling messages and this is what is coming at me

    oh, powerful

    I replied to the text with how i felt,but it was just the raw feelings and not al of it

    will read back and think

    thank you ladies

    I fel supported even though i am holding back on all the info

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 4:16pm

  496. 496: RebeccaNo Gravatar says:

    Oooh I felt really triggered today. I was out and about and I kept seeing loads of gorgwous couples everwhere, and beautiful women with husbands and gorgeous children, and I felt sooo ignored, I felt such a nobody and like I didn’t fit in… Bo hoo… Damn, I wish I wasn’t so in touch with my feelings.. Most people glide through life and NEVER worrying about such things… Why am I sooo sensitive?? It’s weird… Why do I have to be attracted to guys who aren’t attracted to me?? Grrrrrr….. I wish I could just relaxed when out publically, that would feel sooo good and positive… I want that for myself… Yikes, I am soooo self absorbed… Grrrr… I need to hold up a mirror to myself but I don’t know where to start, I don’t know what questions to asl myself…

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 4:19pm

  497. 497: RebeccaNo Gravatar says:

    Oooh I felt really triggered today. I was out and about and I kept seeing loads of gorgwous couples everwhere, and beautiful women with husbands and gorgeous children, and I felt sooo ignored, I felt such a nobody and like I didn’t fit in… Bo hoo… Damn, I wish I wasn’t so in touch with my feelings.. Most people glide through life and NEVER worrying about such things… Why am I sooo sensitive?? It’s weird… Why do I have to be attracted to guys who aren’t attracted to me?? Grrrrrr….. I wish I could just relaxed when out publically, that would feel sooo good and positive… I want that for myself… Yikes, I am soooo self absorbed… Grrrr… I need to hold up a mirror to myself but I don’t know where to start, I don’t know what questions to asl myself…

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 4:19pm

  498. 498: RadloveNo Gravatar says:


    490 = I am well aware that marriage isn’t always roses. I have spent half my life healing from watching my parents’ bad marriage. I chose to re-create positive feelings and beliefs around marriage.

    I just know that if K were free, I would not be going thru any of this, friend or not. He is doing everything in his power to help me (advice, etc) from prison and he feels so powerless that he can’t be here to handle all my difficulties.

    I wear a bipap breathing machine at night. The medication to stay awake is Provigil or Nuvigil. It costs about $350 a month. I am working on getting in at a free medical clinic or free insurance to get that, along with my blood pressure medication that I am out of.

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 4:28pm

  499. 499: RadloveNo Gravatar says:


    I won’t marry unless it’s a good relationship. I am going to know the man inside and out before I ever make that commitment.

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 4:29pm

  500. 500: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i feel angry being told just let it go

    i feel guilty to say that

    i feel honored to be cared about

    i feel shutdown go to sleep cant handle this honesty speak

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 4:36pm

  501. 501: FlowerChild77No Gravatar says:

    (((Radlove))) I thought you had said some time ago that K was going to be free soon. Is getting back together with him a possibility?

    I’m just wondering about your comment–saying if he were her you’d not have these problems.

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 4:40pm

  502. 502: JasmineNo Gravatar says:

    Uhhhh I feel so lazy!!

    I’m about to start to do some workout. My routine starts today!!


    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 4:40pm

  503. 503: RadloveNo Gravatar says:


    498 – He could be released next summer. I don’t want anything other than a friendship with him. But even if we were just friends, he’d be here stepping up left and right.

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 4:45pm

  504. 504: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    I just feel like crying and am having major withdrawal symptoms over no contact with R. It is taking my full concentration to not contact him.

    I don’t give a sh1t about my life and just don’t like life on this planet without him in it. Can’t live with him, can’t live without him. I feel miserable.

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 4:47pm

  505. 505: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    I want to hide and I can’t.

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 4:48pm

  506. 506: JasmineNo Gravatar says:

    Awwww Radlove,

    I love you soo much!!! LOTS and LOTS and LOTS of hugs to you!!! You are an amazing lady who deserves the best of such a great feeling. Love isn’t supposed to feel like that.

    Why don’t you distract your mind just a little bit? Watch a movie, run, sit somewhere outside??

    I’m going to do some workout hehe I was starting to feel a little anxious but nahhhh. There’s a thousand things better to do.

    Get up and enjoy something!!


    Love love love to you!!

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 4:52pm

  507. 507: FlowerChild77No Gravatar says:

    (((Radlove))) Just for now…just to get through this time, maybe anti-depressants could help you. Many generics are available on the Walmart $4.00 program.

    You sound very depressed and I feel concerned about you <3

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 5:04pm

  508. 508: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    (((radlove’s living situation)))

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 5:24pm

  509. 509: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    Jasmine- dirty dancing is late 80’s I think, but a true classic!

    It’s the only film I can quote from lol!

    I hope you manage to watch it!

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 5:27pm

  510. 510: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    I’m up late tonight, it’s 1.28am here.

    I don’t feel like crying over strumming man any more, does this mean I’m healing? I don’t really feel anything? Is this the feeling of numbness?

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 5:29pm

  511. 511: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    Annie posted

    I don’t want to get bonded to the wrong man for me . I only want to be bonded to the right man for me who has proven consistently that he cares for my heart with his actions matching his words and is offering me what I want and can meet my core needs.
    And we don’t really know anyone until we have has conflict with them.
    How do they behave in conflict with us and others?
    If we aren’t able to solve conflict and find resolution we are not able to be in a real true loving relationship with them.

    I get that if someone cheats it’s because there is something missing BUT can it be mended?

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 5:30pm

  512. 512: luzydelNo Gravatar says:

    I am not going to contact D unless he contacts me, it feels empty, he is sweet but does not want a relationship beyond sexual with me, but then he can ge quite jealous when I told him I wad going to keep meeting other people… I better keep this as casual as possible, he can get possessive even though he does not want anything serious with me.

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 5:32pm

  513. 513: lilybellyNo Gravatar says:

    I really want to reach out and hug all of you.


    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 5:37pm

  514. 514: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    Ignore 508 this is what Annie put

    “A man who cheats on a woman is unlikely to be faithful to that woman forever.

    The reason for this is that there is something unfulfilling at the core of this relationship and the cheating is/was a symptom of that core mismatch.”

    If someone cheats because simething is missing or wrong can this be put right?

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 5:37pm

  515. 515: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    Jasmine and FlowerChild,

    503 and 504 – Thank you so much for caring. It means a lot. Yes, I have sunk into depression, despite my best efforts. I can’t handle the ship sinking and losing R at the same time.

    I texted him and he is probably at a Bible study so I am not surprised he hasn’t answered. But it wasn’t good and I did it anyway.

    When I get the ability to focus to get to a free clinic or get medicaid, I will ask for an anti depressant. You are right. I am not functioning well right now. Not at all. I can’t handle life. I don’t want to lose my house and pets. They are about the only thing that keeps me going. Without them, I’d probably just be homeless because it is so hard to juggle all the responsibility of having a home.

    I want to go far, far away. But I am far, far away. And I am still here, because my problems follow me. I can’t cope with life. I need something to change pretty quick here. This house is central to our wellbeing. I have two dogs and four cats and a litter on the way. If we lose our home, it’s back to survival. I can live without a lot of things, but when I lose my home, our quality of living goes down fast. Last year it was 5 months. In 2007, it was 7 months.

    I don’t feel too good about my life right now. I would have done a good job for that company if they had worked with me.

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 5:55pm

  516. 516: RadloveNo Gravatar says:


    505 – Thank you! Hugs back to you!

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 5:58pm

  517. 517: RadloveNo Gravatar says:


    The bigger issue right now is getting to a doctor in order to get the prescriptions. I desperately need blood pressure meds. And I got really weird the other day without them, going into confusion and everything like I’ve never experienced. I stopped at a drug store and asked for an emergency supply. They gave me 5 days worth. I can’t function too well and I need to get some arrangement made for a free clinic or medicaid.

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 6:00pm

  518. 518: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    I had texted R and left him a voicemail, asking him to please call me. He called me after his Bible study. I was gut level with him. I said I feel embarrassed because I don’t want to put pressure on you, and I know I am all over the place with no contact with you. But I just am really struggling to handle no contact at the same time as I am having financial struggles.

    He said that’s fine, no problem, we can talk. We talked for 16 minutes, and I feel relieved, at least a part of me. I feel connected with him as with no other human being. I feel like crying, just so good to hear his voice. Yeah I’m addicted to him.

    But I’m in love with him. I just am coping right now, folks.

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 7:01pm

  519. 519: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    He texted again last night: ‘I’ll see him soon’. I decided to respond this time, so I sent back ‘!!!’

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 7:08pm

  520. 520: JasmineNo Gravatar says:


    515 – I felt really sad reading that. That is not healthy :/

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 7:09pm

  521. 521: MemuloNo Gravatar says:


    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 7:10pm

  522. 522: Rori RayeNo Gravatar says:

    wow, Sunshine – you sound amazing! Love, Rori

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 7:15pm

  523. 523: MemuloNo Gravatar says:


    Enjoy your date!

    it is funny how men often think your intent is to grab them. I would let Conversation CD convince me;) And lean waay back. I know you don’t initiate, but perhaps you can lean back devotedly lol.

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 7:16pm

  524. 524: JasmineNo Gravatar says:

    I forgive myself for not making this workout the best it could be. Hahaha. Omg my legs are so tender. I felt so weak so soon!! I’ll do better. I trust myself. I’ll be compassionate with my little tiny body. It’ll get used to it.

    I feel relaxed and powerful today. Aww I feel like a sweetheart. I’m handling myself pretty well.

    Love to me. Sooo much love to me.


    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 7:21pm

  525. 525: RadloveNo Gravatar says:


    520 – Thanks. I just filled out the medicaid application online. I feel proud of myself. I had a major mental block about doing that…for the last 1.5 years.

    I feel like I can cope now that R is talking to me even tho I know it’s not healthy.

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 7:22pm

  526. 526: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    I wondered if it’s a good idea to share something about my life instead of responding straight to his message. Like I felt sick yesterday but didn’t say anything.

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 7:24pm

  527. 527: RadloveNo Gravatar says:


    524 – that felt nice to read. One productive thing I did today was go swimming. It was only 45 min and I didn’t work out hard, but I did it. And it felt nice to have my dog with me.

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 7:24pm

  528. 528: P-lalaNo Gravatar says:


    “I felt sick yesterday, but didn’t say anything,” feels very masculine and forward leaning to me…like you’re expecting some sort of outcome from that. Did he ask how you’re doing? If no, then just respond to what he does ask/say.

    My .02

    Glad he contacted you though…I know you feel good to hear from him.

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 7:28pm

  529. 529: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you P-lala 😉

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 7:31pm

  530. 530: RadloveNo Gravatar says:


    That’s cool about the birthing center!

    Did you find your ipod? You had such a good attitude about it.

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 7:37pm

  531. 531: JasmineNo Gravatar says:


    524 – That is very good! Whatever you can do will be just fine. My workout was a little bad lol but I felt motivated.

    Hey about this fb group… I feel excited about being part of it but I also feel afraid of revealing my identity heheh

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 7:44pm

  532. 532: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    I feel so embarrassed. When I was on the phone with R, he abruptly changed the subject, asking me what my understanding is of his schizophrenia.

    I didn’t have my thoughts gathered, and I just starting blabbing! He said, “No, that’s not it at all.” I felt bad, because I want to honor him by being sensitive and understanding to him. I wished I had said I needed to think about it for a minute.

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 7:44pm

  533. 533: JasmineNo Gravatar says:


    532 – If I were you, I would keep taking to R if I could handle not talking about the “us” subject (e.g. feelings, emotions). He might feel overwhelmed. Men get aggravated when they only want to be friends.

    You’re not a doctor so it is ok to not know what schizophrenia is. I wouldn’t feel embarrassed. He asked for your opinion not for what he wanted to hear.

    My dear darling, you are a wonderful woman and he knows it. I would stop feeling bad for just anything. He has to cope with whatever happens too.

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 7:53pm

  534. 534: RadloveNo Gravatar says:


    531 – First of all, it is a totally private group. I mean you can’t even do a search for it on FB. But as far as revealing your identity to other Sirens, if you feel uncomfortable with that, you could start a new email, start a new FB identity, and be whoever you want.

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 7:54pm

  535. 535: RadloveNo Gravatar says:


    533 – Thank you so much! I feel understood by you.

    Earlier today I was talking about on the blog how important it is to me to feel understood and for a man to be sensitive to me. That is the number one turn-on for me about R.

    So in a rare moment when he asks me what my understanding is of something he explained to me in depth, repeatedly, for 3.5 years, I want to give him a decent response.

    And I was just NOT in the mind frame to respond. I was still feeling distraught over everything and he just abruptly changed the subject so I had no thoughts gathered.

    Thank you for your encouragement. I will try to keep things in perspective. I think I need to slow down my thoughts of worry and fear.

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 7:59pm

  536. 536: RadloveNo Gravatar says:


    533 – Also, thanks for the reminder to not talk about the us thing. Yeah, I keep forgetting.

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 8:02pm

  537. 537: JasmineNo Gravatar says:


    534 – Ohhh if it’s private I wouldn’t mind.

    I wonder… does everyone have their real fb? Or a random one? I want to feel even :)

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 8:04pm

  538. 538: JasmineNo Gravatar says:


    535 – Yes ma’am. I feel like you overworry about what he might be feeling/thinking. In that situation I’d ask myself, does he worry about me the same? I can’t handle being so self conscious about the things I say or do. I feel so repressed. I am human. I can’t expect myself to do everything right. You can’t either!!

    Time to put some boundaries :)

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 8:09pm

  539. 539: JasmineNo Gravatar says:


    536 – That’s rule #1.

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 8:10pm

  540. 540: RadloveNo Gravatar says:


    537 – Most have their real FB.
    538 – You are so right. I really appreciate your perceptions and feedback.
    539 – When I first texted R tonight, I violated Rule #1 in a big way. I was just feeling really raw and said what came from my heart…too embarrassing to post.

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 8:17pm

  541. 541: JasmineNo Gravatar says:


    540 – (539)

    Aww.. that happens. Forgive yourself. You can always not do it again :=)

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 8:22pm

  542. 542: Miss BellsNo Gravatar says:

    Facebook group?? Where?

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 8:23pm

  543. 543: JasmineNo Gravatar says:

    542 – Miss Bells,

    Radlove was telling me about a private fb group for Sirens

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 8:34pm

  544. 544: Miss BellsNo Gravatar says:

    That is a good idea.
    I am into FB as a tool.

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 8:37pm

  545. 545: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    Miss Bells,

    Cool! If you email me at I’ll help you get signed up. It’s private so that’s why I’m not just sending you to FB.

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 8:39pm

  546. 546: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    My two favorite TV marriages:

    1. Sully and Mike on Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman

    2. Charles and Caroline Ingalls on Little House on the Prairie

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 8:41pm

  547. 547: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Sirens,

    My date was nice. We had good eye contact and conversation during dinner and he made me laugh a lot. I just tried to relax, ordered a tropical margarita and fajitas…. listened to him, asked a few things, but more commented on what I remembered from last time. His company just got bought out, so he’s concerned about his job… so we talked about that too. After dinner he wanted to show me all the gadgets in his new 2013 Audi that he’s had for 6 weeks. it was very nice, but I don’t know… wasn’t as impressed by it as maybe he’d have liked. It had some really cool features, but most I’ve seen before. He made a few comments about if I were driving, the key could be programmed for me, or if we were going somewhere with other people, he’d sit behind me as I drove to have enough leg room for 4 people… etc. That surprised me. He didn’t try to kiss me or anything, and we were sitting in his car when I left, he didn’t get out to hug me. But, he paid for dinner, opened doors, etc. It was a decent second date. I tried not to think about Mr. Conversation, but I got a few texts from him, about cheerleading. Our girls are on the same squad. I didn’t hear from him as much today, but a few times about my website. I could feel a little distance, and that is ok, because we talked for hours last night, and I didn’t want any of that to come back up to be rehashed tonight.

    I often have this feeling that I’ll never remarry. So many other people do, they find someone they click with, that they are happy with, and it’s enough. The ones who like me, I don’t like. THe ones I like, don’t stick. I feel like I had such a big connection with C, and that our divorce was so bad, I almost feel broken, and that this is it for me.

    You know this isn’t my normal vibe. I’m upbeat and positive, and I don’t feel especially sad or anything, just that kind of resigned to the fact that it might not happen for me again.

    I REALLY miss being in love, and crawling into bed with someone at the end of a long day. I haven’t had that in such a long time. On a long term basis anyways. Now when I spend a night with someone, I can barely sleep. I’m not used to it.

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 8:44pm

  548. 548: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    I made up a new profile for facebook with the group from here. I didn’t want my posting on there to show up in that bar on the side of the page, or for friends with odd names, like mine on there is turquoise siren, to post on pics or anything. I also made it unsearchable, so no one could find me.

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 8:47pm

  549. 549: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    I think R was mad at me. Here is what was texted after we got off the phone:

    B: Please excuse me for getting on a tangent. I feel embarrassed when I go into such a monologue. I didn’t mean to.

    B: I don’t mean to be insensitive to you. When you asked me about the schizophrenia, it came out of the blue and I was talking before I had my thoughts gathered.

    R: I told you it wasn’t that!

    B: Ok, I just feel like I’ve said something wrong when a conversation ends abruptly.

    (45 min later)

    B: When you get time, I wonder if you will share what’s going on?


    B: I feel curious why the call was ended so abruptly. I am not trying to upset you.


    B: Ok, I don’t deserve to be yelled at.


    B: Umm, capital letters feel like yelling.

    (5 min later)

    B: What’s going on? Why are you upset?

    R: Oh, my phone was stuck on caps. I didn’t notice.

    ( I don’t necessarily buy that, but I think he was just trying to let it diffuse peacefully, so I let it go)

    B: Oh ok.

    R: I’m going to sleep.

    B: Good night.

    R: Good night.

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 8:50pm

  550. 550: JasmineNo Gravatar says:

    I just emailed you Radlove

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 9:04pm

  551. 551: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    Something triggered R, and it was probably just my instability of being back and forth the last few days about no contact.

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 9:04pm

  552. 552: JasmineNo Gravatar says:


    My heart felt so tight when I read that conversation. That felt too cold.

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 9:09pm

  553. 553: JasmineNo Gravatar says:

    He sounds sick of you.

    I am so sorry. I would just lean back, totally.

    Lots of hugs to you Radlove

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 9:10pm

  554. 554: RadloveNo Gravatar says:


    547 – I can relate. I want a good marriage, but I don’t see myself getting past R. I AM trying, I AM keeping the door open. But he is so unique and sensitive that I just don’t feel it for other men.

    Just hoping I meet some quality men. Even if I had a serious relationship, it would be the healthiest thing for my relationship with R, IF it’s meant to be.

    So your date was nice but no bells and whistles, right?

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 9:14pm

  555. 555: RadloveNo Gravatar says:


    552-553 – Yikes. I will try to lean back.

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 9:17pm

  556. 556: JasmineNo Gravatar says:


    If you feel like talking to him, do. BUT I would let HIM contact me first.

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 9:19pm

  557. 557: RadloveNo Gravatar says:


    I can totally hear you and agree…yet even at this moment, I feel so tempted to contact him. I am out of control.

    I emailed you.

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 9:26pm

  558. 558: JasmineNo Gravatar says:

    I emailed you back Radlove

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 10:05pm

  559. 559: Butterfly wingsNo Gravatar says:

    Life still sucks for me and although I feel really really sad, I know that he is the one losing out.

    I think that’s your main problem Radlove – you are yet to believe that YOU are the prize!!! And until you start to believe that, you’re going to continue to receive crumbs.

    I started off doing not so great. Just feeling sad that TH was going to be mostly out of my life. After living together for some time, I was really getting attached to that man!

    But on the other hand, I want a man who will be there for me in times of need. TH has proven that he can’t do that. Yes he loves me, but he’s just not where I want my man to be.

    So I’m feeling a little afraid of what my future holds but also kind of excited too, about the men I may meet who will shower me with love and affection in the future.

    I will need some time to heal now, and will probably avoid dating sites, but will maybe look at getting back into cycling or something like that.

    Reading the messages from CDs in the past helped me too. They all thought I was desirable and they all wanted more, but unfortunately TH had my heart.

    I’m going to talk to him about moving him and his stuff out tonight… I think he thinks we can continue as we are, but with “single” FB relationship statuses. What’s with that???

    Is he sooooo afraid of commitment??? Weird…

    Anyway I’m good and my belief that I am in fact the prize is helping me immensely!!!

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 10:29pm

  560. 560: P-lalaNo Gravatar says:


    I feel curious about your perception that R is sensitive. I have yet to see a sensitive text message from him. In each of the conversations that you’ve posted, I’ve experienced his communication to be terse and cold.

    What does his sensitivity ‘look like’ to you?

    In the past, I have fallen ‘in love’ with men based on my fantasy relationships with them. In real life, they were terse and cold, but when I had fantasy conversations with them in my head, they were kind and sensitive and they would hold me while I slept and kiss my forehead. They never did these in real life, but my psyche didn’t know the difference.

    Is it possible that the same thing is going on with you and R?

    Tuesday, 31 July 2012 @ 11:04pm

  561. 561: R.N.AmazingMeNo Gravatar says:

    RadLove hey..I am so sorry for what you are feeling…i have tried to stay out of it and let you go through this without saying anything, because in the end he has you and no advice or person here can stop you from doing what you want to do with him. That last text stuff you posted @549. Sick or not, that convo made me so angry. He sounded straight mean and inconsiderate but you just took it so lightly. You got it bad for him I understand more than you know but this is not healthy for you!! You need to have more self love, I am no pro but please I am just trying to help you open your eyes. Love yourself more soo much more than you love that man…xoxo

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 12:33am

  562. 562: Dancing SirenNo Gravatar says:

    Morning Sirens,

    I am sitting here having my morning fresh coffee, my Mum and I agree with prefer the one made from expresson beans. I have cooked boiled eggs with wholegrain toast for breakfast.

    In a minute I am going to start on an ironing job I have whilst watching some tv. And then it will be time to go to the pub again. Not really looking forward to that part so much… but only 5 more shifts to go…

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 1:06am

  563. 563: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Radlove re 504

    “I don’t give a sh8t about my life…”

    I know you are hurting honni, and I just feel SO triggered by that comment.

    Like, I know its hard, but loads of people don’t have that choice, they lose their life.

    They get taken away from their loved ones, they don’t have a chance to make something of this life… they die early, or they get really sick.

    I feel angry.

    I want to shake you and I feel guilty about that.

    I want to ask you to please value your life. I am/was the worst one for getting hung up on men… but life really ISN’T about that! Some people are disabled and NEVER get to have romance in their lives and STILL live beautiful, happy lives.

    It’s hard but it’s a choice.

    Hmmm, I don’t really know why I feel so triggered about this.

    Why should it matter to me whether you value your life and make something of it??

    I don’t know except maybe that we are all connected and ALL life feels precious.

    Anyway typing it out is helping to diffuse the trigger some.

    I hope you can find value in your life and learn how to have some peace and happiness for yourself.

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 1:17am

  564. 564: Dancing SirenNo Gravatar says:

    One thing I read in my CRAFT book for families and friends of addicts and loved ones that has always stuck with me is something along the lines of

    ‘the difference between a winner and a loser is just that the winner chooses to see opportunity in difficult situations and setbacks, and learns something for the future and then moves on, instead of staying stuck on that one steback’

    Something like that… I think about that quite often when I am finding it hard to be positive, or when something feels so upsetting and terrible.

    I don’t believe real change can come from negative energy.

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 1:21am

  565. 565: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    Morning sirens,

    Dancing siren, your breakfast sounds delicious, you have inspired me. I also love the sound of fresh coffee, as I normally drink tea. I feel excited to change this, this morning.

    I ve been working 16 hour days up until Friday last week and now have a few weeks where I can work as I please. I have tons of stuff to do but not a looming deadline for 4 weeks.

    I’m going to take today for me. I’m going to pamper myself, I’m going to clean my house, I’m going to do some work which would feel good to complete.

    Mm fresh coffee!!!

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 1:22am

  566. 566: R.N.AmazingMeNo Gravatar says:

    I never looked at someone getting triggered by that before..I guess working it psych for so long it gets normal to hear almost. And it is sad and heartbreaking to do and to read as I type. On the same note as a nurse anyway it is our job to find out how they said it, if they said it at all, or actually tried to or had a plan to. A lot of factors so when I hear that here(siren island).. I hear someone venting. Ella I am just giving a point of view not making what you said right or wrong. Like I said never knew it actually triggered someone in that way. Interesting..

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 1:29am

  567. 567: EllaNo Gravatar says:


    I feel badly now.

    I see how the other Sirens responded with so much love and gentleness.

    Re 515 – I think the change starts within, it sounds like there are some core beliefs that might need changing ie, could you change the record that tells you ‘I can’t handle life’ ??

    You arer handling life by the way.

    Sounds like you are living in fear of what you don’t want, maybe, rather than building on what you do want and going from there.

    What do you think.

    Maybe start with ‘I have my house and my pets and I feel appreciative of that’ or something…

    And then start working on your inner feelings.

    Also I know you have dogs so I expect you walk anyway, and I always feel a lot better walking in nature, to lift my mood.

    Just finding something to break the pattern helps.

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 1:34am

  568. 568: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    Radlove, I feel full of fear. When you say you have been homeless twice before, my mind assumes you have been living on the streets? Have you been ablest stay in sheltered accommodation? Would this be an option?

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 1:39am

  569. 569: R.N.AmazingMeNo Gravatar says:

    Wow…I was so excited to tell you all earlier and now I am so blaze about it…So I am really sold on this way of thinking and Rori’s tools. I feel cheap to say I support her and would buy her stuff but this is all I need. Meaning you ladies here this is a blessing to me along with many other lessons along the way. So I have really been putting this stuff to work and just changed my way with thinking and interacting with everyone men and women. Not only do I feel better in general but I am more genuine. I understand or at least try my hardest to understand and respect people from different points of views. I am more carefree and not as tense about life, I am leaning back and just loving myself and my kids, the fam. I feel so independent without being fake about it. This is real, I do not need a man, I can function and be happy without one, without analyzing every blink of his eyes. Just makes me smile when I know that I will not accept the bad behavior from anyone in my life. I smile and politely excuse myself from the situation or maybe just smile, and ok a couple times hauled bootie out of there:) The point is when I start to feel bad it’s like immediate I locate the feeling, identify it, stand up to it without a fight, and walk away. Not everytime but I am a work in progress people :)

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 1:49am

  570. 570: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Yes R does sound cold and mean… (judgements)

    However I also feel for him because he too has been stuck in this situation for so long, and has a lot of leaning forward and emotional drama from you Radlove. I don’t mean to trigger you and the truth is I would feel cold and impatient in his shoes.

    Radlove, again, not trying to be mean to you… I have been on the blog a long time and ALL the time I have been here I have seen you two stuck in this dynamic.

    WELL DONE by the way for going swimming and taking some action to sort out your meds. That feels very good and healthy to read about. How does it feel when you are swimming?


    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 1:52am

  571. 571: R.N.AmazingMeNo Gravatar says:

    I want to be around happiness, i know not all the time but when you wake up or just in the day stop acting so miserable…it is yuck and I don’t want to be around it…wow, I said that:)
    My parents I mean I feel life being sucked away in this house so much that it is causing sickness. This is too much, something has to give here. What do I do? How do you help shine light…

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 1:54am

  572. 572: R.N.AmazingMeNo Gravatar says:

    Am I wrong to want to get out of here I mean I appreciate it all but I really would like to have my own and maybe let my parents sort thier stuff and me, my stuff as well. I am just trying to get caught up and get off the ground from all the bills. I have not been shopping like a mad woman which is my healing medicine by the way, and still cannot save something always. I got sick with the flu and lost hours so now a 4 day paycheck and school starts next week and 3 children need me to help buy school clothes and get the supplies. I just feel it is always going to be something so I mean how am I going to have the steady flow. PRN is what I work so my schedule is as needed and changes all the time. More money but no gaurentee of hours. I am just venting this morning.

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 2:01am

  573. 573: R.N.AmazingMeNo Gravatar says:

    I love my job though and that feels good and am greatful for my life right now and what I have. I have come a long and I mean lonnnnnngggggg way! I am proud to say, people can change and grow even at my age :)

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 2:05am

  574. 574: R.N.AmazingMeNo Gravatar says:

    oh and as for dad and mom…we call them M and D. M is the rock and foundation of this family just like my grandpa was and I know he would be proud. D he is a provider and protector. Ok M is not in her twenties anymore and still tries to do EVERYTHING and will run her self to point of sickness. Exhaustion keeps her in the house from experiencing life. Having fun, they don’t even know what that is like much anymore. D spends half his life on facebook and M is sick of it. Even at work while people are working incuding the VP of the company they are all bustin bootie for a big event and you sit on computer. CEO, yes sure you can do it,is it right no it is not. You are not the only one who sacrificed for that company since day one. Look around they are still working, why aren’t you? Why do u flip out at the first little tiny stressor?? It’s awful..awful to be around and to watch and to hear about. This is no way to live..

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 2:13am

  575. 575: ruthNo Gravatar says:

    radlove, i havent much to add to what the other sirens have said, but i do hope you can find a way through al this.You are dealing with so much at the moment.It must be hard to see a way out.

    Right now i am feeling very fortunate to live in the UK

    As you probably know, our health care is mostly free at the point of contact
    I have had some more abusive mail this morning and i am going to lie low

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 2:14am

  576. 576: R.N.AmazingMeNo Gravatar says:

    Oh and anaother thing D….it’s not ok to say you want me and kids here but flip out about nonsense because you cannot open your mouth and speak.I mean come on, open your mouth, and be a man about it! Say what it is that is affecting you or address the situation before you blow your top. I do not care one bit what you have to complain about. If you cannot confront the source or just speak up that is your problem. Just as it is even more your problem when your walking around pissed at the world. You are the first to say this is how you should be….do it this way….this is the smart thing to do. The way I see it you cannot follow your own advice( myself included I know I too do that at times) do not

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 2:21am

  577. 577: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    569- RN Amazing me

    This felt great to read, as I read I noticed a lot of these things are now true for myself too. We are all making incredible journeys!

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 2:22am

  578. 578: R.N.AmazingMeNo Gravatar says:

    M is older than D, she is going through the change. D is a horndog and watches porn to get through it I guess. M is a horndog and will lay low with a drink but D likes to party on weekends with neighbors drink quite a bit. I can tell M is bothered by it, she makes her comments. They work together at family business….stressful I am sure…. have taken 2 vacations in the last 2 to 3 months or so!!Not like they need another vacation, I along with a lot of others would love to go on just one vacation. Last year was tough on them and all of us we lost 3 family members my grandma and grandpa on moms side and grandma on D side. M still struggles here and there healing everyday and D also going through similar. They needed that vacation and was greatful they were able to pull it off and enjoy eachother. Things go ok sometimes and other times it scary. Like, ok they don’t go out and spend time, snuggle up, kiss I guess a little bit pecks on cheeks. He gets pissed off so easily, I just want to get out, mom has more stressful off days then not. Wow I am so sorry but that felt good to get out, man glad this blog we use names and are not identified…lol

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 2:38am

  579. 579: R.N.AmazingMeNo Gravatar says:

    @575 Ruth, that is great!!!! Yay… It feels good to have someone to connect with that go through a lot of same things in life!!

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 2:41am

  580. 580: R.N.AmazingMeNo Gravatar says:

    @578..I didn’t mean M is a horndog haha..lmao..I meant t put hormonal there lol…lol.

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 2:44am

  581. 581: R.N.AmazingMeNo Gravatar says:

    I Mean is that me being a jerk? I am annoyed by the negative stuff and just don’t want to deal with them or the negative thoughts and behaviors…feels good to vent…feeling bad and guilty but it’s ok to feel that way I still love me :)
    I am still AmazingMe

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 2:47am

  582. 582: R.N.AmazingMeNo Gravatar says:

    I am spamming preparing for my night job…night owl goes to sleep when the sun starts to peak through. I have mostly all overnight shifts coming up so when I am not working the day before I gotta swing into that mode or I get no sleep before work.

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 2:51am

  583. 583: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    whew what a triggered night

    i spent the night ANGRY rageful at my CD and ‘ignoring’ him

    me bieng cold and distant

    cuz he didnt respect my time

    and ended with him saying over and over at the end how im SUCH a LADY

    and how hes never been with one before

    all the practice waiting on men to open my car door paid off


    that felt validating at the end

    a bit tense almost traumatic before

    i felt SOOOO lonely

    and then soooooo ANGRY

    and then he went somewhere i didnt feel comfortable to get money

    and then he made a comment kinda blamimg me for money

    and then at the end, thats when he switched up and said i wasa lady

    he made such a big deal out of it

    hes like, its deep, its like its real deep wow, yoyre the first lady i ever been with

    he was def not getting a third date but now he will

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 2:55am

  584. 584: GoldenflowerNo Gravatar says:

    I feel such compassion for your situation. I know how being addicted to a man feels. It is a slow excruciating torture. Especially made worse if the man encourages it, but does not invest, or is unable to invest, or is just plain toxic to you. In my case I had no option but to choose myself over the pain, to choose myself over him, over the false dream of him and what “might” be. I now call him a toxic man, he is not toxic to other women but he was toxic to me and always will remain so.
    I created a rod for my own back, and punished myself with it until I’d actually had enough and had hit rock bottom with my addiction to him as my “soulmate”. By the final time I’d hit the brick wall with him I finally let go of him as the ideal, I realised I had held/ coveted and clung onto a completely false beleif that he was right for me. He was not, he was toxic to me. A year on I have never been clearer on the situatuion and he does not even feature in my thoughts…at all. It feel like a distant memory of another life.

    I feel immense gratitude that I survived this toxic situation and immense gratitude I can see the beauty of life with clear eyes . I can feel the sun on my face and feel it for me alone. This for me is self love. I used to feel everything and wish I was sharing it with someone. Now I enjoy these precious moments for myself. I feel I am never truly alone as I live in this beautiful world of energy, nature and substance and I am always part of this.

    I learned that choosing myself over any man is the only and best feeling approach to happiness, even the right man (when he shows up). I shifted my entire belief system about men when I started to love myself best.
    Love of self first has not come easily to me, but it is here now, I feel love and compassion for myself before any other considerations or people in any single day. Once i found love of self, so many other things began to fall into place.

    I feel such compassion for you, I felt moved to share something of my own journey and express how reading your posts has made me feel.
    I always feel that change (however painful) opens the secret door to happiness. It was certainly that way for me. Many blessings

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 3:00am

  585. 585: R.N.AmazingMeNo Gravatar says:

    Getting sleepy but why I wanted to share with you all in the first place about these tools and how they really work. You see how it affects people and how you really do only have to control yourself and your own actions. When you try to control someone else or a situation 99% of the time you will be disappointed and it feels bad. I do not do this anymore well I have to work very hard at it each day not to do it or go back to that control. When you feel the stress of life lift off of you like a ton of bricks… just be yourself and know what you want and realizing your boundaries. This makes all the difference and has changed my life. I had no idea I was doing anything wrong or the reasons why I had bad luck with men and why I pushed men away, why waas this happening to me.Boohooo then someone special…evil….but special for sure…woke me up. Thanks for the wake up call

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 3:01am

  586. 586: R.N.AmazingMeNo Gravatar says:

    Moderation…hmmm…first time for me..

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 3:05am

  587. 587: R.N.AmazingMeNo Gravatar says:

    Oh and another thing I have noticed I finally have started living was the thought and experience of not controlling was also not to be controlled by anyone in my life. They say and it is true from the bottom of my heart, if you let someone have so much power that they control your mood or your entire day you are giving them all your power. Why would any of us do that but we do, I did, and now I could never go back. It feels so good as this all had unfolded and became clear to me. I didnt just now have this all happen but it’s been the transtition over the last year that has changed me forever.

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 3:13am

  588. 588: R.N.AmazingMeNo Gravatar says:

    Just finally the time I decided to share the real story for me…This is how my story begins :)

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 3:16am

  589. 589: R.N.AmazingMeNo Gravatar says:

    There are no victims in my story, starts with a hero and begins with saving a life….My kind of book, my life, my story..goodnight sirens

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 3:22am

  590. 590: GoldenflowerNo Gravatar says:

    Morning Sirens.
    I was wondering can anyone send me the ref or url to the “I am the yummy pie” Rori post. Can’t seem to find it in my inbox.
    I feel a re-reading of this will help me today.

    Off for date two with BM tonight.
    Also, how do you end dates, without angling too much for the next one? i.e I had such a great time tonight, it felt so fun to spend time together.
    Do other sirens ever add: it would feel great to see you again. I forget the best approach and cant link to the ebook from work.

    Thing is, I know I am about to go on hols from saturday so he wd have to book me for Fri if he wants to see before I go. But I dont want to come out and say that as it will come across as too male/ pressuring/ leaning forward.
    Any tools appreciated :) xx

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 3:31am

  591. 591: ruthNo Gravatar says:

    thank you for sharing that Goldenflower
    I feel sad though because I cant as yet imagine myself reaching that good place

    Enjoy your shift RN amazing me

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 3:34am

  592. 592: CurvySiren10No Gravatar says:

    I have been busy and unable to post much. I miss posting here, but just wanted to quickly say this morning to P-lala…I appreciate your voice so much on this blog. You are an incredibly wise Siren, and very articulate. Thank you for sharing yourself.

    I’m off on a trip this morning with my man. :) 5 days together, wish me luck. lol. We are heading to his high school reunion so of course I want to look and feel my very Sireny best, so all of his old friends (and girlfriends! ha!) are in awe. A real test of my new Rori Raye induced Siren self! :)

    Hugs to all who could use them. Dancing Siren, you are amazing! I am learning so much from you. Radlove, I echo what so many others are saying here. Somehow you have to learn to love yourself more than a man who isn’t giving you a bit of what you want and need and deserve.

    More soon.

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 3:43am

  593. 593: CurvySiren10No Gravatar says:

    Wanted to add special thoughts to ButterflyWings. Hang in there! You’ve got the right attitude! Just have to hold tight to those boundaries. You will be fine no matter how things shake out with TH. ((HUGS))

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 3:48am

  594. 594: RebeccaNo Gravatar says:

    Well, my neighbour invited me over today, so I went. I feel soooo headfu(ked by the guy. He seems so uninterested in me and barely even looked at me. Anyway, he is moving out today and I felt over welmed with sadness inside. Also anger at the unfairness of the situation for me. The fact that I have emotionally fallen so hard for this guy, seema so unbelievably unfair. He was really odd with me too, like totally distracted and unable to give me any real attention. I must have been in his flat for 30 seconds and he got up anf hugged me and said thanks for coming over? I thought? Excuse me?? Why are you being so horrible to me? So I just walked out the door and didn’t look back – then I cried when I got home. Why can’t things go right for me gor a change??

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 3:52am

  595. 595: GoldenflowerNo Gravatar says:

    590: ruth
    I felt the same way this time last year. NC gave me immediate relief and then within 4 or 5 months I was totally free of it. But really I feel it was the moment I let go of him, let go of the “burden of trying” that I had created that everything changed. I let my own heart and mind be free and as they are. There was a void of hope and the faith I’d put there about him, but I gradually put love and new experiences into it. Doing anything new, meeting new people even when i wasnt in a happy frame of mind, always felt better than pining for the past, as in fact I started to see that the pain I’d suffered was now in the past too. I made a clear separation between the “emotional pain” I’d endured and “the ideal” which never was , and “him”. So really there were three separate entities and none were able to help each other. Moving on felt so so great!
    Made for better things, made for better ways.

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 4:02am

  596. 596: ruthNo Gravatar says:

    That feels good to read Goldeflower
    It feels hopeful

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 4:08am

  597. 597: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    #589 Goldenflower,

    I never hint anything about the next time. I rarely say I had a nice time. If it’s dinner, I thank them when they are paying the bill. If it’s a show I thank them leaving the theater. When we part I smile and say good bye. And no wishes for a good day, week, life lol

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 4:27am

  598. 598: MemuloNo Gravatar says:


    What a weirdo! It’s not you dear, it’s him.

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 4:29am

  599. 599: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Hi ladies!!

    Oh Radlove, I really really feel for you. The finances and nearly homeless situation (I can relate…), the medical worries and the ‘R’ problems. I think your focus on him does not leave you much room for all the other stuff, but I know that in this difficult time you just want to turn to someone – but he is not the one to turn to. I think it will make everything worse.
    How about close friends you can lean on? Anyone?

    Ruth I feel worried that you are getting abusive emails, that’s terrible. Your man? Oh no.

    Goldenflowers posting also made me feel hopeful. I know that NC is the answer to a lot of my problems also, as after a while I feel a lot better – I just can’t keep it up when he comes back around. Well, he hasn’t stirred for nearly two weeks and it’s a good thing. I lost my practice for the feeling messages, but I have a couple of dates lined up. Sigh.

    The spare room that I was offered in Florida turned out to be in an old CD’s (now a friend) house. He made it sound like it was in a sports club house, but it is actually where he has a place and turns out it is his spare room. This guy is a total sweetheart and he also has a little son (divorced for a long time), and I feel bad at taking him up on the offer and since I practically said yes and it is my only option, I would feel bad to say ‘no’ now also…but I feel hesitant to intrude into their family life, that wasn’t really what I had in mind. However, maybe he can use a little help around the place and some bill sharing also…pffff I don’t know Ladies, I don’t know.
    I was hoping to have something more self sufficient and again I am thinking of MrU’s separate Condo which would have been sooooooooo much better. But I don’t want to ask him again. It is possible he didn’t see my reference to it in my long email but I feel awkward asking for it.
    Perhaps I will just assume staying with my friend for a month and if something else comes along I can always change plan…

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 4:33am

  600. 600: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    592 CurvySiren10 – Awww thank you! One of my girlfriends called me today and said the nicest things about me (we’ve been friends since I left my first ex 12 years ago), and I’m not sure exactly what it was, but something she said literally flicked a switch for me.

    Since then, my outlook on life has changed dramatically.

    I still have some specific boundaries to set with TH (he’s still here!!!!), but once I’ve done that I can get on with my life.

    I will give him until the end of the weekend to move his stuff out of here but am more than happy to remain friends (no benefits) with him.

    I feel very comfortable with this, which is weird cos this morning and yesterday the thought was devastating.

    Amazing how when our perspective changes, everything seems so much easier to handle!

    I know he won’t like my boundaries, but he doesn’t have to – I have to be happy though. So yay for me!

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 4:34am

  601. 601: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Goldenflower also regarding your date…just slip into the conversation that you are leaving the saturday…and he might just ask if you are busy on the friday. Remember, men are not stupid, especially if they want to see you…they will move heaven and earth..I would wait and see what happens, the guy sounds pretty keen to me.

    I used to be more ‘urgent’ on this kind of stuff also, now I just let it go and try to let the Universe take care of it and not stress about it. My motto is that if they want to see me they have to make the plan, at least while it’s not an established relationship..and it works quite well to sift the chaff from the wheat…
    let him chase you, he’ll feel good with it too.

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 4:41am

  602. 602: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    Wow reading everything on the blog just continuly highlights all the leaning forward/ overfunctioning I was actually doing! I knew this anyway but how wrong a got it keeps showing for me. I don’t feel sad about this though, I feel good for my awareness. I feel like shaking my head and saying silly girl what a lot you needed to learn.

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 4:55am

  603. 603: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Butterfly Wings I feel happy to see you are willing to change your perspectives.

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 5:18am

  604. 604: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Shifting Your Vibe is Counter-Intuitive

    Every woman’s different…

    Some of us are always chipper and upbeat, and some are down and depressed.

    And it almost makes no difference – because, to change our “results” out there in the world, we have to shift our “vibe.”

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 5:31am

  605. 605: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    So, I Want You To:
    Imagine that at this moment, you’re holding onto a man – his shirt, his leg, his shoulders, his thoughts, his hair, his eyes.

    What does that feel like? Really imagine it (keep your eyes open!) in every sensual detail: what it feels like to feel your whole body locked into trying to hold onto him.

    Notice how your whole body is almost in “survival mode” trying to keep him from moving away. Notice how you’re trying to keep him doing what you want – almost as if he’s a doll, or a puppet that is not obeying you.

    Feel the confusion you feel – the total exasperation of NOT KNOWING why he’s moving away from you emotionally – and just wanting to DO ANYTHING to makes him stand still and LISTEN to you.
    Now, just open your hands. Let go. Now…
    Turn around.
    Focus on something else in front of you.

    Practice this Tool several times a day and especially when you’re feeling that desperate need to hold onto him.
    It has taken a long time to develop the habit of holding onto a man, and you need time to create a new pattern of learning to let him go. Once you do, you’ll find that it takes next to no effort on your part for a man to want to come closer and closer… to the point that the RIGHT man won’t ever let YOU go.

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 5:37am

  606. 606: R.N.AmazingMeNo Gravatar says:


    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 5:45am

  607. 607: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    I still read this article a lot to remind me about not seeking closure. This has been the hardest part of my journey. I’ll re post again for anyone who might find it helpful.

    It’s not about “over.”  It’s not about “forgetting.”  It’s not about “Letting Go” so you “don’t” have a mental, physical or emotional experience around him when he isn’t actually there.  It’s about just getting so passionate about yourself and what you love in life that you become bored by him.

    Most of the time, a man who is not good for us came into our lives for one reason:  We invited him in as a “do-over.”

    It could be a do-over of our childhoods, when the only way we could get love and attention was by working our butts off.

    It could be a do-over of a trauma where we felt helpless to take care of ourselves.

    It could be a do-over of a mistake that feels desperately like it needs “closure” and “mastery.”

    Forget about all that.

    Instead – focus on being kind to yourself.  Focus on what you like.  On what makes you feel good.  Do that.  Think that. Take yourself there.

    Erika talks a lot about EFT – Emotional Freedom Technique, and I love the technique too – here’s one little piece of it I’m going to apply to this post:

    Say to yourself: “Even though I feel attached to this man and drawn to have closure with him, I deeply and profoundly love and accept myself.”

    Then get back on your horse and ride – with him or without him, whether he’s hanging onto the saddle, gripping you for dear life, or trying to get you to stop and let him on, or whether you’re holding him with one hand behind you as you ride on.

    The important thing is NOT what HE’S doing, or where HE is.

    The important thing is that YOU are RIDING ON!!!

    Love, Rori

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 5:54am

  608. 608: EmmaNo Gravatar says:


    My friend has betrayed my trust.

    I had taken your advice, and after a huge non-Rori Raye style argument with my ex I finally said in a text ‘i love you, i want a relationship with you, but if you don’t want me in your life anymore I accept that’ He replied but only to talk about my deceased friend.

    After a week I sent a feeling text saying I feel sad about how things are and I’d love us to start talking again, his response was ‘I really don’t want to talk about it right now, as neither of us is going to like my response’ I replied ‘i hear how angry you are, and I’m sorry’

    I then put down my oars and leaned back. It’s been a week and I haven’t heard from him and in a moment of weakness last night I had a breakdown so I texted my friend saying how upset I was. I fell asleep crying. This morning I woke up feeling much better only to hear that my friend has forwarded the text to my ex to show him ‘what he’s doing to me’- I am mortified!! I was saying my life was destroyed and I can’t be happy and all sorts of stuff that I felt in the heat of the moment in confidence to my friend! How do I handle this? He hasn’t replied to her or contacted me…. yet.

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 6:46am

  609. 609: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    @500 (((((Daria))))) – “i feel shutdown go to sleep cant handle this honesty speak” I feel so moved by this, and it reads like poetry. I want to dance all our cares away to the beat of it…

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 6:46am

  610. 610: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    @461 Miss Stix – I feel so connected to you, so thankful for you, and thankful for your bravery, openness, and honesty in sharing your story. I can’t tell you how much it has helped me, and how much I relate to it. Seriously. Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU!

    I’ve always been extremely picky in relationships. I want someone amazing, but when I find someone amazing, I don’t feel good enough for that person, and because I’m so “picky,” and I freeze up and shut them out, I probably make them feel not good enough for me, because I am amazing!

    But they are good enough for me and I am good enough for them.

    We are all amazing and different and we all have different gifts to offer.

    Our only problems are not giving the gifts we have because we’re so insecure we don’t recognize them, or because we’re too scared to open up and share them for fear of rejection!

    I feel so enlightened and so relieved and so ready to receive and give love! Thank you again, and all the best to you on your journey. It sounds like you’re doing great!

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 6:48am

  611. 611: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    “so ready to receive and give love!”

    How about sharing it?

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 6:52am

  612. 612: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Emma. I am not even sure that is bad. I would continue working on myself. If he contacts you he will feel you as different.

    “I, Rori, am willing to surrender to What Is and know Love is there”

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 6:55am

  613. 613: AnnieNo Gravatar says:


    “If someone cheats because simething is missing or wrong can this be put right?”

    I believe the whole energy exchange has to be reversed.
    And this is where Roris tools work and fit in.
    Commitment blueprint seven steps.
    Also for me inner bonding along with this got me reconnected to a higher source.
    When this happens along with speaking in feeling messages and wants and don’t wants the energy exchange starts to shift.
    And we can create the true real loving core relationship we want, with the best match for us.

    I believe you are asking
    So will a man who has cheated on you be that man?
    Only time will tell after healing and reconnecting with ourselves reversing the energy exchange and if he is inspired to wants and is able to transform himself.
    If not he isn’t the best man for you anyway and by then you won’t want him anyway.

    “The reason for this is that there is something unfulfilling at the core of this relationship and the cheating is/was a symptom of that core mismatch.

    We don’t think the situation is hopeless, however we do believe that dramatic changes need to happen in order for the relationship to survive.

    This is not something that can change quickly or without effort. There’s a shift that must take place for BOTH parties to rectify and move on – TOGETHER.
    If you find that you are married to a man who cheated, and he is begging your forgiveness and wants to stay…here are some parameters for you:

    1. Do not rush to forgiveness.

    Our emotions are so very important and they must be expressed in order to truly value ourselves.

    Often times, we do not want conflict, and so it common to rush into forgiveness.

    When we rush to forgiveness we devalue ourselves and our feelings.

    We are saying to our partner that we are willing to deny our feelings in order to keep this relationship alive.

    That is a recipe for anger and resentment.

    First , FEEL everything you are feeling.

    Express how you feel with “I” statements.

    Utilize all of the tools here on the blog that work with expressing your emotions authentically.

    It will be easy to stumble in blaming language, especially when you are angry and hurt.

    Your job is to express how you are feeling and to take responsibility for those feelings.

    2. Take some space.

    Ask him to stay at a hotel for X amount of time.

    This is really okay.

    You need space to feel your grief, anger, betrayal, etc and having him around the house is just going to make it worse.

    You may be worried about losing him if you do this.

    Just know that if he wants to save the relationship then he will be willing to honor this request.

    If he isn’t willing to abide by your wishes then he probably isn’t worth keeping around.

    To be honest, if you’re going to “lose” him, he’ll go regardless of your requests and your actions.

    3. Honor how you feel.

    Feel the pain of it and nurture yourself at the same time.

    This may seem like a contradiction, however it is not.

    Take good care of yourself by doing things that allow you to feel whatever you are feeling in the moment.

    Take walks, hikes, bike rides, bubble baths… just be with yourself and allow those feeling to flow through you.

    It may feel overwhelming at times, but you are capable of handling much more than you know.

    When you try to avoid your feelings and keep things under control then you are going to have trouble moving on from this event.

    If you want to save the relationship, or if you want to be able to move on to another relationship, then you have to process your feelings around this event.

    The goal is to move THROUGH your emotions not gloss over them.

    4. Start practicing forgiveness.

    Once you feel you have a handle on the grief, now start looking at forgiving him.

    Start having some conversations with him and express how you are feeling in the moment (not about what was, but what is right now).

    If he wants to make a go of it and you agree to do that (here is the very important part) – Really forgive him and move on.

    To be in forgiveness means that it’s behind you. Open your heart to your man, and see him for who he is, and how you feel when you spend time together.

    Trust is not on a dimmer switch. Either we trust someone, or we do not.

    So if you’re going to go for it, jump in with both feet and TRUST!

    If worry is something that comes up for you and it is making you anxious, work with a professional to get support for yourself.

    It is important to have an outlet to discuss your worry (and let’s be honest, if this is where you are getting stuck this pattern of worry has been holding you back in all areas of your life – and this is a great opportunity to release this old pattern that is not serving you.)

    5. Set up the rules for moving forward.

    Ask for what you need. Tell the truth.

    It’s perfectly okay to say, “If this ever happens again, you will not have another chance. We will be done.”

    Spell it out in your words, in your way – and here is the very hard part – HONOR THAT agreement!

    What often happens is that we pick up where we left off in the relationship in a few months… and old habits are difficult to break…but not impossible.

    Honor yourself by not falling into sacrifice in the relationship. Know what your needs are, express them, expect him to meet your needs.

    6. Clearly explain what you expect from him.

    He needs to take action to earn your trust.

    Whether it is in learning to express his feelings and ask for what he needs, if you want him to seek help or if you want both of you to seek help, it is ok to ask that he take certain actions to show his desire to repair the relationship.

    Hold him to these agreements. Be clear on what your deal breakers are and stick to them. It is important for him to know that there are consequences for his actions.

    When you do this then there is no need to be snooping for things, or to be worried about what he may or may not do.

    Be clear on what YOU are doing and, how you are feeling when you spend time with him.

    Know the saying “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger?”

    This is most certainly true in relationship. This could be an amazing opportunity to re-engineer the relationship and create something fabulous!

    Love and Abundance,
    Orna and Matthew

    From Rori: You know I love Orna and Matthew – be sure to go and sign up for their FREE Newsletter–>>

    They’re always doing interesting, free stuff, their “Science Of Creating Love” program is fantastic, and they truly walk their talk and have an amazing relationship and can help you do the same.

    Love, Rori”

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 7:06am

  614. 614: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    I’ve been thinking about my parent’s marriage, which I would honestly describe as somewhat of a nightmare. Sometimes I think the only reason they stayed together were because they believe in keeping the vows they made over thirty years ago.

    I’m thankful they stayed married, and I believe they are thankful too. Their marriage got much better, and even blossomed into something beautiful once the kids left their home.

    I feel guilty for feeling negative feelings towards my Dad. I know now that he has just as many issues as my Mom, as far as feelings of unworthiness, he just doesn’t talk to me as much about them, so of course I didn’t know for the longest time.

    He is such an amazing, good man. I think he works so hard (probably too hard) because he is trying to make himself worthy of the love he’s never really felt deep down. and since my Mom has issues herself, it’s hard for her to show him the love and respect he deserves, since she has had such difficulty feeling that love and respect for herself.

    It’s nearly impossible to love and respect someone else when you don’t love and respect yourself.

    I love my broken parents so much, and I love my broken siblings, and I love my broken self.

    We are all so precious, and we don’t even know it.

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 7:10am

  615. 615: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    @610 (((((Feminine Woman))))) – Sounds great! I’m thankful for you too, and I felt so warm and happy reading that. :)

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 7:12am

  616. 616: EmmaNo Gravatar says:


    I assume you mean it is not that bad because at least I was being open, honest and vulnerable?

    I had worked all week, so hard on myself, and I think that is why I finally had a breakdown because i was blocking it out and steaming ahead with trying to improve my life- so i almost feel like that text has erased all my hard work because all my ex knows is the text he has seen. This is what I wrote:

    ‘I can’t stop crying. I’m drenched in sweat I’m shaking that much. Honestly Sophia I just feel destroyed. I just want my old life back. It’s been over a week and he hasn’t contacted me and it hurts so much. I am just so unhappy. I really can’t go on feeling like this. My heart physically hurts. All the time. I feel like I’m in a fish bowl looking out on the world and I’m not really here. Bad things keep happening. Nothing good is coming. I feel like I’ll never get through this.’

    Before last night I had not cried properly over my fight with my ex or the suicide of my friend. I had blocked these feelings out so I was feeling AWFUL when they all came to the surface. And I felt a lot better for crying it out. I know I must continue to work on myself now, but was the text my ex has seen really bad?

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 7:22am

  617. 617: TamNo Gravatar says:

    I am tired of getting on my horse,
    I am tired of my living situation,
    I am tired of my financial/work situation,
    I am tired of dating men.

    I feel guilty for saying this when I see that we all have problems, many of you worse than me, but my mood and my hope has been steadily going downhill.
    Despite reading affirmations, saying them out loud, listening to really encouraging Abraham stuff.

    I feel like I have no more energy to get into the positive me right now. I feel hopeless and like I loved somebody who would never be there for me.
    I feel alone. And I don’t mind being physically alone. I feel mentally alone, like there is nobody who cares about me. Not my family, not my friends (moved around too much) and no romantic partners.
    I know these are the NV’s talking, but I just feel lost at the moment, like everything I try to do to get myself out of my funk – just isn’t working.
    I feel so stuck.
    And now I feel whingey.

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 7:26am

  618. 618: SophieNo Gravatar says:

    ((((Sirens))))) I keep attracting men who ask me out and the don’t follow through – set a day but then disappear or go well out of their way to get my number and the don’t call – I always struggle to see the messages behind the men – why do you think I am currently attracting this? :) HELP so greatly appreciated :)

    Ps I love these positive affirmations – I love affirmations in general I feel all warm and caring for myself

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 7:28am

  619. 619: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    Annie- 612

    Thank you for responding!

    Hm so I am about to confess something that I haven’t told anyone not even my best friend, it’s been on my conscious, I’ve been aware of it for a while.

    I cheated on my ex of two years for about 8 months. Emotionally not physically. There were things missing in our relationship. He wasn’t even aware of anything and still doesn’t know. One day I just walked out to be with the guy I had met. He filled the gap that was missing.

    Now though I realise the problem was me. So the guy I cheated with who was completely emotionally unavailable has poofed. I’ve been on a healing journey and actual realise now how great thing were with my ex I cheated on.

    My ex has suggested meeting for a coffee soon, we both have feelings still but now he’s the one in a relationship. 2 years have passed since I left and have never given him an explanation.

    I feel guilty cheating but I’m healing that.

    I’m wondering if we could ever be anything again? Now I know the thing that was the problem was me all along. I’m hoping if there is anything left I have all roris tools just to see what happens…

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 7:30am

  620. 620: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    Butterfly Wings, P-lala, Amazing Me, Ella,

    Thank you so much for your feedback and encouragement. It really helps to absorb it all.

    You are right about R being mean to me and not loving myself enough. My self esteem sinks to worm level when I can’t pay my bills, and when I feel rejected by R.

    What I mean when I say he is sensitive is that he is an excellent listener; I feel understood by him; and most of the time, he responds very gently. But he is not perfect, and he has a lot of pressure inside with his schizophrenia. Maybe I am making excuses for him but many times he is so gentle I want to cry.

    Ella, just so you know, I don’t mean it when I say I don’t give a sh/t about my life. I say that when I’m in a black mood. I’m not saying the mood has entirely lifted, but I feel somewhat better today. I DO care about my life.

    I have worked SO HARD to get established at this new home. It has taken me months to pull out of homelessness and get set up here in this beautiful house by the bay. I feel SO SCARED that I’m going to lose it all. I feel like I’m standing on the deck of my ship and watching it sink and I feel powerless to stop it. I have a beautiful setup here with pet friendly landlords, a fenced in yard, a laptop, TV, air conditioners, and the list goes on.

    And I just don’t have the money to keep it all afloat. I owe payments for the laptop, I’m behind on electric and cable/internet, and the list goes on. Most of all, I don’t have my rent for today.

    Ok well I got to quit talking about it and just try to do what I can to survive. Thanks to each of you for your love and support.

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 7:35am

  621. 621: RadloveNo Gravatar says:


    598 – One reason I’m on the blog is to lean on you women. I have Cris and K, and they are my main friends. I just feel so deeply understood by R, and I’ve never felt closer to another human being. But I know you’re right that he’s not the person to lean on, as much as I want him to be.

    I know I should be focused on my life and not on R, but when I was attempting the no contact yesterday, it took my full concentration and mental energy to keep from contacting him, much like the first day of a complete fast.

    so I blew that away again, and now I am going to lean back until he contacts me. I know I turned him off last night with my needy vibe and putting pressure on him.

    Today is a new day and gonna get busy doing all I need to do to hopefully keep my household afloat. I hope and pray I don’t end up homeless again. I really like it here, and I have a lot of good things going for me if I could just get an income.

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 7:40am

  622. 622: SophieNo Gravatar says:

    (((((Radlove)))))) hugs

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 7:43am

  623. 623: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    (((((((((((Emma))))))))))))))))) It felt authentic and heart centered. You were sharing it with a good friend so baring your soul to her would be something normal and maybe what he would expect. My only concern would be that he could see it as a game – her sending it to him. If he knows her actions affected your relationship with her then that would clarify for him that it was not a game to get him back.

    Honestly though I don’t believe he would think that. It was your heart speaking and he will feel it.

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 7:47am

  624. 624: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Oh my gosh, ladies, I feel so hateful toward myself/beating myself up right now

    I put my energy somewhere really negative in getting involved in a debate on facebook

    It kept me up past midnight and then even made me an hour and a half late for work when I continued in the morning

    It was so pointless.

    I don’t want to debate online

    It just brings negative energy in

    I feel sad and mad at myself right now

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 7:47am

  625. 625: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    @616 ((((((((Tam))))))))) – It’s okay, sweet girl. It’s okay to feel all that bad stuff. and you are not alone in your feelings, I have felt the same way, and it really is going to be okay. sink into your feelings. cry it out. go ahead and feel the exhaustion. take a nap. take a day off or two from work, if you can. if you can’t, make sure you just take some time to mentally, physically, and spiritually rest. you sound exhausted. it’s okay to feel exhausted. Imagine how good it will feel to be rested! hang in there! I’m praying for you!

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 7:50am

  626. 626: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Smile forgive yourself. Forgive your ex. Next time you see him don’t bring up the past, be in the moment and share your feelings then.

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 7:50am

  627. 627: SophieNo Gravatar says:

    ((((Tam)))) I know that feeling – I feel like that too sometimes it feels effort but then the next hour or the next day or the next week the feeling changes – I aggree with Iamabutterfly crying helps – i often get that exhausted feeling before I just let go and have a big despairing cry.

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 7:55am

  628. 628: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    ((((((((((((Tam)))))))))))))) Sink into your feelings of frustrations, your fears, your anger and really feel them. Then use your imagination to make them small. Then let go and try to “surrender to What Is” by saying I intend to surrender to What is.

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 7:57am

  629. 629: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    Re post 618-

    Sirens is this cheating or circular dating?

    I was exclusive with my ex of two years when I started being in touch with strumming man. I remained sexually exclusive during the time I met strumming man and interacted mostly on line and over the phone. We met for a drink occasionally. I ended the relationship with my ex of 2 years when I released I’d fallen in love with strumming man, which turned out to be an ‘instant relationship’

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 7:57am

  630. 630: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    Re post 618-

    Sirens is this cheating or circular dating?

    I was exclusive with my ex of two years when I started being in touch with strumming man. I remained sexually exclusive during the time I met strumming man and interacted mostly on line and over the phone. We met for a drink occasionally. I ended the relationship with my ex of 2 years when I released I’d fallen in love with strumming man, which turned out to be an ‘instant relationship’

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 7:58am

  631. 631: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    “This feels so bad. We seem to always argue over
    the same things…is there something I should
    know? Are you angry with me? Is it something I’m
    doing that’s making it so hard for us to
    communicate? I’d really like to listen to you if
    you have any ideas about how we can solve these
    things. What do you think?”

    Now – this is pretty advanced communication.

    Not only are you appreciating YOURSELF, you’re
    appreciating HIM.

    And how does this work to turn HIM around? To
    instantly make him appreciate you?

    Because he WANTS to appreciate you.

    He really does.

    He’s just blocked from it because of his own
    issues – including basic male cluelessness.

    So the moment he EXPERIENCES you appreciating
    YOURSELF – he FEELS better.

    And then when you add to that by GENUINELY
    (can’t fake this, remember) appreciating HIM –
    he’s blown away.

    It’s like the way we feel when a man
    impulsively, out of the blue, walks over to us,
    takes us in his arms and gives us a gentle, sweet

    We just feel good, we forget about the icky
    stuff, we move from a tight, defensive place to a
    warm, open, loving and feeling loved place.

    And the same thing happens to him.

    Only, for him, it’s not reaching over to kiss
    him that does it for him.

    It’s Appreciating him”

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 8:06am

  632. 632: P-lalaNo Gravatar says:

    CurvySiren – Thank you so much for your kind words! My NVs have been in overdrive lately telling me that I have no wisdom – so it feels nice to feel appreciated. <3

    I woke up tired and sad today. K leaves for another 5 day trip. The next two weeks are going to be a lot of phone calls and very little facetime and then things will settle down for the Fall. My mind keeps saying that "out of sight, out of mind." So every phone call I get from K feels comforting because I know he's thinking of me.

    I'm getting better at talking on the phone…not great, but better.

    I have a long day of work today and a staff meeting that I'm not looking forward to, but this evening I'm going to sit down and write some affirmations to counter the NVs going on in my head. Then, I'm going to go over to Ks house and pray away his ex's energy there and then take a soak in the hot tub with my Sireny self and a raspberry beer. I'm looking forward to that!

    You will all be in my thoughts and prayers today and I hope you have a beautiful self-love filled day! <3

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 8:09am

  633. 633: Miss BellsNo Gravatar says:

    I am feeling sad today.

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 8:22am

  634. 634: bloom-ingNo Gravatar says:

    ((((((((((((((((((((((((Starla)))))))))))))))))))))))))))) i’ve done my “worst” trying to “defend” what i thought was “right” (((me))) love to you ! i respect your passion : )

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 8:23am

  635. 635: bloom-ingNo Gravatar says:


    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 8:28am

  636. 636: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    625- thank you FW, I am back in the present.

    I acknowledged my feelings, I’m ready to heal.

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 8:33am

  637. 637: DariaNo Gravatar says:


    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 8:45am

  638. 638: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    “A very wonderful way to feel like and actually
    demonstrate that you’re a powerful woman who
    simply “likes” a man is to be open to other men.

    It will raise your self esteem.

    You will start to experience men all around
    you chasing you down, and either this man will
    step up, or he’ll get lost in the shuffle.

    He’ll get trampled by the other men beating a
    path to your door.

    This is about confidence, and I think that’s
    the kind of woman Jane wants (we all want) to be.

    But you can’t just do things that represent
    your IMPRESSION of what a confident woman looks

    For Jane, it’s calling her man and pretending
    she’s a strong woman – even though she’s most
    often feeling completely NOT strong.

    Because right now, when she calls him, she
    knows, and you and I know that it’s because of

    We all know that Jane can barely “keep control”
    of herself and not call him.

    So that’s the work she needs to do now.”

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 8:50am

  639. 639: bloom-ingNo Gravatar says:

    i have a good tangerine aura going today to keep me happy around my own mischief……………. yum i’m putting purplish tinges on the outside of it : ) haha i’m impervious………….. i remember getting my dad to “paint” cat eyes on my eyelids with one of my mom’s old makeup brushes (nothing on it) before i went to sleep so that anyone coming upon me in the night would perceive me as being awake, & wide-cat-eyed… sometimes stripes on the cheeks too…….

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 8:50am

  640. 640: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    “When that was happening to me, I felt totally

    And sometimes, sick to my stomach.

    I don’t want you to have to go through that.

    So here’s a Tool to help you END all that
    suffering. Let’s call it: I AM ALL THAT!

    Try this –

    1. Imagine that your attractiveness is
    boundless, your eyes are magnets, your heart is an
    open pool of gold that every man wants to dive
    into, and your body (no matter what you think) is
    a lush place that every man longs for, feels
    awestruck just thinking about getting close to,
    and yet feels safe within.

    2. Imagine that’s what HE sees, thinks and

    3. Whatever doubts, fears and thoughts that
    come up inside your head about being a boundless,
    magnetic pool of gold that every man longs for –
    let that nasty voice, those negative images, that
    heavy perspective simply STEP ASIDE.

    4. Let them simply step out of your picture for
    a moment (all you need is a moment), so this man
    who sees magnets, gold, boundless lushness and
    safety in you can GET to you.

    5. Paint this picture for yourself in your
    imagination right now, this moment, and keep it
    going all day and night, no matter what happens.

    6. Once this imaginary picture is in your mind,
    and the good feelings it brings are in your heart
    and body – when you’re in the market, at the
    drugstore, walking down the street, waiting in
    line at the coffee house – you will begin to
    EXPERIENCE yourself as a magnet for men.
    You will easily be able to imagine the energy of
    every REAL man coming towards you.

    7. Leanback – actually tilt your body backwards
    — to keep your energy in “Receiving” mode while
    you’re imagining every man you meet (especially
    the one you may be in a relationship with right
    now) GIVING energy to YOU.

    The absolute truth is that YOU are at the
    CENTER of hundreds of men who want you. You’re
    just likely focused, like so many of us are, on
    ONE particular man who’s got a hold on your heart.”

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 8:52am

  641. 641: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    ” When you’re ready…

    10. Write a Fuel For Love “speech.”

    It goes like this:

    “I feel angry and upset. And I feel concerned
    that we’re not on the same page, here.

    I don’t know how to make our relationship more
    affectionate and close…I don’t think I can do it
    by myself.

    I’m just a girl here, and I like affection and

    It makes me feel good

    It makes me feel turned on.

    When I don’t get enough – I feel cranky. And

    Is there something we can do that would help?

    Is there something I need to know?

    Are you mad at me?

    What do you think?”

    Notice that I left space between each line –
    that’s in case he should say something or ask a

    If you deliver a speech one line at a time, and
    then breathe – you’ll feel much better”.

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 8:54am

  642. 642: bloom-ingNo Gravatar says:

    i feel curious about connecting with other men in a way that is respectful to my relationship……. i intend to trust myself……. & i want to feel human & connected & social & happy & friend-ly : ) i can do that … it sounds “easy” now…. ok ok

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 9:01am

  643. 643: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    Well for the first time I ventured onto POF to see what’s it’s all about, I didn’t feel impressed with the quality of men?!

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 9:13am

  644. 644: MissStixNo Gravatar says:

    On my break at work and felt like writing a little.

    Feeling very positive today. Even though we didn’t talk about it I know G is feeling my decision to be at home in some way. He made a comment “I like it better when you sleep here. I don’t like cuddling a pillow.” this morning. It made me smile :) I just responded “I like sleeping here.” and smiled at him.

    Many sqeezy hugs to all sirens feeling pain. Just know it gets better with time and self love…It really does. Hugs again.

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 9:16am

  645. 645: RadloveNo Gravatar says:


    621 – thanks! Hugs back to you!

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 9:18am

  646. 646: Miss BellsNo Gravatar says:

    I am not sure how to express anger to HS when things are as they are.
    I am second guessing myself.

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 9:19am

  647. 647: RadloveNo Gravatar says:


    591 – Thank you! I know you’re right.

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 9:23am

  648. 648: RadloveNo Gravatar says:


    584 – Wow what you wrote was beautiful and I feel moved. I really feel understood. I am saving what you wrote to remind myself in moments when i feel weak and overly oriented on R.

    I have worked a lot on self love, but I see I still have a long way to go.

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 9:28am

  649. 649: Miss BellsNo Gravatar says:

    This may be an awful situation for me.
    He basically left me for someone else and didn’t tell me and I STILL LIVE WITH HIM.
    Right now–I am dog-sitting 3 miles from home with no car.
    He came and dropped off some food for me and I didn’t invite him in–the dog-sitting is for people we both know…
    But–he is only “gone” a few hours a week.
    I am still a girl, and we have a long history…
    I am trying to use FMs and correct any communication problems. It may be months before I can actually leave.
    I also have a feeling if I distance myself “in -place” by getting VERY busy, and crank up the exercise, fashion, and beauty routines, he will turn-around. And–given everything, I am not sure I want him anymore. BUT-I still feel the ATTACHMENT like a rope around my heart.
    I am so conflicted and confused.
    I want him to turn around so he can REALLY hear and see me. Then I will know if there is anything left to salvage.
    But if we part it won’t be as friends, at 25 year history notwithstanding.

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 9:29am

  650. 650: RadloveNo Gravatar says:


    575 – Thanks! Sorry to hear about the abusive mail.

    Do you think what Pres. Obama is doing in healthcare is comparable to that of the UK?

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 9:31am

  651. 651: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    thank you for the hugs and support, ladies

    I still feel sick in my fingertips

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 9:33am

  652. 652: RadloveNo Gravatar says:


    570 – Thank you! No, I don’t feel triggered by what you say. I too, was thinking that it is understandable that R would feel angry or annoyed, given my history with him. I just didn’t say it cuz I was afraid women would say I am justifying his behavior. I mean, I am doing the very things Rori talks about that turn off a man, and I didn’t even tell you the most embarrassing of it. Bottom line, I am putting way too much pressure on him and laying an extremely needy vibe on him.

    If it were K, if he were not in prison, he would be totally on board with my feeling of neediness in a crisis. He would be stroking my hair and pulling my head against his chest. He has been calling me with some very sweet calls tho, the one thing he can do, and sending me sweet letters. He is also all about finding solutions for me, and giving me advice and helping me with my do list. But he feels at a loss to take away the fearful, paralyzed feelings I have. It is old behavior, and it is so hard for me to get unstuck.

    Anyway, I very definitely overloaded R last night and am determined to lean back until he contacts me (which I secretly hope is tonight).

    I am trying to give compassion to my weak parts, but I feel so much pain and feel like a failure. It’s hard to feel good about myself when I owe money.

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 9:37am

  653. 653: bloom-ingNo Gravatar says:

    miss bells, if you aren’t Committed – then he owes you nothing, right ? …. so maybe you can stop feeling “angry” over what he isn’t giving or isn’t doing… & just focus on making yourself feel 100% pleased : )))
    & don’t feel guilty or weird about it, right ? because he isn’t putting your needs first. you have to do that.
    it’s ok to stop being angry…. or take breaks from it : ) “righteous anger” isn’t usually an effective means of “punishment” in my experience….. & anywayz you can’t punish someone else. they can only punish themselves. so let him go about doing that (which sounds BORING by the way lol i wouldn’t want to be hanging around him for that)… & go live your amazing life – deconstructing him in the ways you please to re-build your shiny bridge to paradise : )))) yum i like thinking of that : )

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 9:38am

  654. 654: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    I’m eating a mixed green salad with asiago parmesan italian dressing and salmon. and some pita chips with jalepeno cilantro hummus. and dark chocolate cocoa roasted almonds, which only have one gram of sugar. Eating healthy is a little bit pricey, but it feels sooooo good!

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 9:39am

  655. 655: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    open up and receive the interest and pursuit and sweetness from mega hot guy
    opening up

    also, not going to call him mega hot guy anymore, lol. I think I’ll call him WarriorCD.

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 9:39am

  656. 656: RadloveNo Gravatar says:


    568 – I have 2 German Shepherds and 4 cats. I am not out of my house yet, but if I have to leave, going to a shelter means giving up my pets. And no, it is not so easy to put them in foster care or in a kennel. Kennels cost about $25 per day per pet, and even with two pets, that is the cost of a cheap hotel, which is far more than an apartment. Foster care is very difficult to find.

    My pets are my family, since I am single. They mean a lot to me. I would feel horrible if I had to give them up. So when I get homeless, I either camp in woods out of sight of people, or, in rare cases, stay with people I know who will tolerate my pets. Either way, it is very difficult. I hope and pray I am not homeless again.

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 9:40am

  657. 657: Miss BellsNo Gravatar says:

    Re:Dating others. My heart is not in it, but I know that HS is likely NEVER going to step up. Not even if he stopped the cheating thing. Not even if he comes after me.
    I am 56. I don’t have forever, I want someone wonderful to get old with.

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 9:41am

  658. 658: RadloveNo Gravatar says:


    567 – “Sounds like you are living in fear of what you don’t want, maybe, rather than building on what you do want and going from there.

    What do you think.

    Maybe start with ‘I have my house and my pets and I feel appreciative of that’ or something…”

    You are right, and I appreciate this shift you are suggesting. Yes, in the past, I could not handle life. When I thought of bills, I would sit there and rock with my head down like I was mentally handicapped. Little by little, in 2000 and onward, K pulled me out of that. He was my mind, and he gave me baby steps to get bills paid.

    Now it is automatic for me to pay attention to due dates and pay bills. I have found an easy way: by going to WalMart’s customer service desk and just paying a dollar or two to pay it. That saves me dealing with stamps, envelopes, addresses, and money orders. Yet it is tangible enough for me to feel it. If I do it by credit card, it doesn’t feel real, either the bill or the payment.

    Hard to explain but it is a long time issue with me. It is one of my weakest areas. So I was in a total routine of paying bills but now with no money, that old behavior of shutting down and freezing is trying to come in. What I need to do is call each creditor and make payment arrangements, and I feel scared to pick up the phone. I hate the feeling of rejection, shame, and condemnation.

    I have my house, pets, and equipment, and I feel appreciative of that. I feel determined to pull out of this situation somehow before I lose everything I have worked so hard for. I feel confident in my ability to do what I need to do. God please help my fear and unbelief.

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 9:47am

  659. 659: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    Ok, I need to head out. Hopefully today I will come back with an inspection sticker and help from my church and information about whether or not I will be back on unemployment, among other things.

    I really appreciate you ladies, and i will focus on self love each time feelings for R try to flood me. I want a new life and I hope and pray I can get on my meds to stay awake BEFORE I get my next job. Then it will be managed and I will be very successful at the job, because I have really sharp document skills in editing, formatting and writing.

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 9:51am

  660. 660: bloom-ingNo Gravatar says:


    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 9:51am

  661. 661: DariaNo Gravatar says:


    It’s social programming to have us feeling weak and incapable of financial stuff. I have it too. We’re full divine adults. Love to you.

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 9:51am

  662. 662: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    LOL, remember Cop CD? Well he has the same name as someone in TX with whom I’ve been communicating about a possible business.

    He emailed me, and in my busyness, I just glanced at the name and thought it was the business guy. He simply asked how you are doing, so I just shot back an email about my financial situation, LOL.

    He writes back and asks if I want to cuddle. I sure had to do a double take on that one, LOL! I told him cuddling, yes, wholeheartedly. Sex, no, sorry.

    Trying to relax. Just fearful because I have been homeless before. Very difficult to manage with 6 pets.

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 10:01am

  663. 663: RebeccaNo Gravatar says:


    I feel like I am in the most awful situation. My neighbour came round again – but again it was brief. This time though I took the opportunity to tell him how I really felt. He started by saying he had been really busy, and at this point I just let rip at him telling him exactly how I felt, and how he’d ‘avoided’ me for 3 months even though he only lived next door to me. I told him I was shocked at how little he seemed to care about my feelings and I felt that he had been very cold towards me. He said that he had thought we had just grown apart, I told him bullshit – he had been avoiding me. He gave a sort of giggle and I just burst into tears. Once I started talking I couldn’t stop. He barely said anything and just said that it was a good job that he was leaving… I just feel so heartbroken… I know now my feeling were really strong for him, but they were obvioulsy not reciprocated. I just wished he had pretended to be interested in me just as a friend would. I can’t believe he has been so cold towards me….

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 10:03am

  664. 664: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    WarriorCD asked me in text if I like going to baseball games. I don’t. I said no. And immediately found myself wanting to take it back and say “well, maybe, I just haven’t been very much.”

    But the truth is I don’t really like that sh*t. It’s not my thing. And I don’t want to fall into the trap of being more likeable.

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 10:05am

  665. 665: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    @663 Starla – Would you be willing to go to a baseball game with him as a way of spending quality time with him, even if you don’t like baseball?

    Maybe you could say something like; “baseball feels kind of boring to me, but it might feel more exciting watching it with you.”

    What do you think?

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 10:09am

  666. 666: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    Baseball feels so good to me. It feels warm and safe and slow and sometimes exciting and nerve-wracking and it feels like summer and it feels like romance and I love it.

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 10:12am

  667. 667: RebeccaNo Gravatar says:

    I was in such a happy, positive place before all this. It had taken me about a year to get over being rejected by anorher guy I was mad about, actually quite obsessed with. I had felt sui(idal over his rejection.

    Up until recently my life was really moving on, then having feelings for my neighbour was like a bolt out of the blue. I could not stop thinking about him night and day… It was unbearable..

    Even today when he came over he was staring into my eyes and I just looked away. I just feel so upset.., :(

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 10:12am

  668. 668: Rori RayeNo Gravatar says:

    Welcome R.N Amazing Me, and thank you for sharing your story and how this is working for you. Love, Rori

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 10:14am

  669. 669: NEW SIRENNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Sirens:)

    I just wanted to share my success, I am feeling really good today. I used all Rori’s tools this last 2 weeks since my bf and I had broke up. I CDed went to the gym, read alot, spent time with my kids and I barely made any contact at all. I was a rockstar at work, (we work together) and I even went to a therapist and a CODA meeting, as per Rori’s suggestion. Finally he asked me out for a drink and slowly let me in again. I really like this guy and I think he was impressed by me leaning back ect.

    We are seeing each other again and I cant believe it. I feel lucky and blessed with these tools, Rori and all of you sharing:)


    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 10:18am

  670. 670: Miss BellsNo Gravatar says:

    It seems that whether the relationship with HS is dead or only sleeping the prescription is the same. Focus on me–have fun–date others.

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 10:21am

  671. 671: ruthNo Gravatar says:

    evening ladies
    radlove, I really, really hope you get the home situation sorted out
    Not quite sure what to say about our NHS, it isnt the same system I idealistically went to work in over 20 years ago.
    But it is mostly free, though i dont know for how long.
    Hope Obama can make his ideas work

    Thank you for all the hugs amd comments.I am learning so much by just reading the blog and noting how you are all doing.

    Ive just listened to disc five of “reconnect” and i do feel slightly less heavy hearted, slightly more empowered.
    But the self love issue is going to be a tough nut to crack.
    Abusive mails, unfortunately are from the man.he is dreadfully stressed, and so went off on one when said that he didnt seem so connected with me any more.

    Thats not to say I am making excuses for him, i dont think his overreaction is appropriate, but he does not handle stress at all well, and my comment was probably badly timed as well.
    I am now getting the odd normal “newsy” e mail again, but nothng affectionate.
    So, for now i havent replied other than to say I thought he was being unfair early this morning, together with saying i felt scared and sick and overwhelmed, which i did at the time.
    Anyway, enough of me.ive spent the afternnon with a load of patients who have it MUCH worse thn I do.
    Tonight I am actually going to make myself something good to eat

    I think some of you ladies are so courageous about setting your boundaries and holding out for what you want

    I feel very small not having such courage.I feel weak.That feels bad.I amused to being the strong one and I dont like this vesion of me.Still, its up to me to do somethng about it, i know.

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 10:22am

  672. 672: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    Radlove- 655

    I am confident you have the strength to deal with this radlove.

    If I didn’t live on the other side of the world with an allergy of pets, please know I would never leave you sleeping in the woods :(

    I hope your church can help.


    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 10:27am

  673. 673: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    sure lama, i’d go. but he just asked yes or no do i like baseball games.

    then HE actually kinda tried to make it seem like he doesn’t care for them too much, hahahaha, see HE can be the one scrambling to impress ME.

    i love it.

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 10:27am

  674. 674: ruthNo Gravatar says:

    Hope you can see past the typos

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 10:28am

  675. 675: Miss BellsNo Gravatar says:

    So–when the man finally turns towards you-how do you remain soft and receptive when feeling so much anger?
    What do you say?

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 10:30am

  676. 676: RebeccaNo Gravatar says:

    I just feel really sad and weepy… I don’t want to get back on my horse. It is so lonely and bleak up their. I feel like my heart has been ripped out…

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 10:31am

  677. 677: Miss BellsNo Gravatar says:

    Because he has created it that we are just “housemates” all I have to be is impeccably polite.
    When we get in this place–he pretends we had a “fling” 4 or 5 years ago.
    I have to remind him that we slept in the same bed for the last 4 or 5 YEARS.
    He also claims to be my “friend”, when really he can’t act like a friend–because I really was the girlfriend for years.
    Every way of looking at this is equally true and false.
    He has loved me a long time and doesn’t want to lose me.
    He has moved on and doesn’t care.
    Both true–both false.
    No wonder I am confused.

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 10:42am

  678. 678: bloom-ingNo Gravatar says:

    ((((((Rebecca)))))) it sounds like you are pinning your value to this single man’s “reaction” to you……… self-esteem is how YOU value YOU. what are your goddess attributes ? you are perfectly you : )

    also, when focusing on me feels “painful”, i find it helpful to play a game… i sit & people-watch….. & i pretend i’m “in Love” with everyone i see………… & i notice what it is about that person that totally makes me melt : )))))) &&& it is usually something “weird” or “off” or “imperfect”…… & it reminds me how beautiful & unique each human is : ) & reminds me of my uncle telling me (he married his childhood sweetheart & they’ve been married 30+ years & are super in-love) that it’s the “flaws” that people love. it really is !

    i feel a bit silly to post this but…. i hope you feel wonderful ! you deserve to feel wonderful : ) me too ! i want that for me too : )

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 10:45am

  679. 679: Memulo says:

    I wonder if I should ask how he is doing?

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 10:48am

  680. 680: bloom-ingNo Gravatar says:

    i’m getting to a good place in my imagination…. one where i don’t “need” to feel sad to feel real. also, one where my “pain” does not feature…… i’m healed in my imagination : ))……….&&&&&&&….ummmmm…….. i’m in a garden. lots of yellow. fairies are real : ))) the grass sparkles & the flowers open their faces & smile at me !!! that’s real : ))) ………….. what else…….. the trees carry me… like the buddha’s mother : ) YUM & all my “labor” is carried by nature….. & the leaves fall to the ground to soften my steps…… YUMMMMM yes yum i like it very much… i’ll keep going & get there : )

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 10:50am

  681. 681: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    676- ((Rebecca))

    Can you tell your self some if the affirmations in the above post from Rori?

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 10:51am

  682. 682: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    Memulo…. Lean back

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 10:53am

  683. 683: New sirenNo Gravatar says:

    Maybe miss bells you wouldn’t feel angry at him if you think about the good things like the nice home you have because of him:) also I have found it helpful to imagine someone I care about with the other woman and thinking of them making each other happy and smiling at each other for some reason it warms my heart and makes me feel better and changes my vibe. Weird as it may sound lol:) justy opinion tho disregard if u don’t like:)

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 10:54am

  684. 684: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Memulo ask him how he is doing and your vibe will be needy and the only thing he is likely to feel is “mothered”.

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 10:59am

  685. 685: FlowerChild77No Gravatar says:

    Miss Bells…Can you order any of Rori’s programs? If you know in your heart that you are not ready, either emotionally or financially—to move out—I can’t think of anything more helpful than to work with Rori’s programs.

    You can find a wealth of information, here, on the blog and in the past blogs, but you probably need ‘more’ right now.

    If I were you (and I know I’m not) I would order her Toxic Men program. You will be able to see whether he is difficult, clueless or all out Toxic. And you will also learn about your patterns around relationships and how to change what isn’t healthy into what IS healthy so you don’t keep repeating the pattern. Above all, you will learn what it is that keeps you ‘stuck’ (the attachment you spoke of…like a rope around your neck.)

    LoveScripts is all about communication. There is one for married Sirens and one for dating. It’s a super program(s) but it sounds like Toxic Men would be a better place to start for your situation.

    Everything you’re suggesting to do (work on your style, get busy with your own life, exercise, etc.) are all things you should be doing for YOU–with no expectation that it’s going to change him or how he treats you. If it does—GREAT. If it doesn’t…you’ve moved yourself into a whole new level of self love <3


    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 10:59am

  686. 686: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    I’m going to read roris ebook again before my busy life sweeps me away again for a few days :)

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 10:59am

  687. 687: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    I’m imagining a lot of self love for all sirens

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 11:02am

  688. 688: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    “If he’s not excited enough to call, the rest
    of the trip to the wedding is going to be much
    more torturous – even if you could manage to
    create it.”

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 11:02am

  689. 689: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    “Step Back.

    Ask yourself….why am I doing this – making
    him so important?

    Why am I assuming he needs some help – that he
    needs me to call him, even though he has my

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 11:03am

  690. 690: Miss BellsNo Gravatar says:

    I don’t feel good about them.
    She came into my space and POACHED.
    I wish she would choke.
    Thinking of them together makes me want to puke…

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 11:04am

  691. 691: RebeccaNo Gravatar says:

    I don’t know if I did the right thing opening up. I don’t know where it all came from. I seem to live everyday in a mist of fog… I feel like I am drugged or something..

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 11:05am

  692. 692: RebeccaNo Gravatar says:

    I don’t know if I did the right thing opening up. I don’t know where it all came from. I seem to live everyday in a mist of fog… I feel like I am drugged or something..

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 11:05am

  693. 693: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    “if you use most of your energy thinking about how miserable you are, and focusing on what you don’t like about what’s going on in your life, it’s like signalling to the world to keep on sending more of the same your way’

    From roris ebook

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 11:09am

  694. 694: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    “You can’t ORDER him to love you.

    If he’s behaving in an intolerable way, and
    you don’t want to make the changes that need to
    be made to save the marriage, then you can leave.

    But you can’t push a man into Romance.

    You have to INVITE him.

    And you have to invite him to romance you even
    if you’re feeling sad, angry, resentful, and
    everything else Emily must be feeling right now.

    Sound impossible?

    It’s not. It just takes some new skills.

    So how can Emily stop pushing him away,
    complaining and telling him what to do about this

    1. First – she can STOP talking about her at

    That’s right.

    Not one mention. Not one complaint. Not one

    If her husband should bring her up – such as
    “Let’s have her over for dinner, okay?” – Emily
    has to say what she feels and what she DOESN’T
    want in this situation.

    That could look like: “I feel uncomfortable
    having her over. I feel jealous of her, and angry
    with you about her, and I don’t like feeling that,
    so I don’t want her in our house.”

    And then she stands there for a moment and
    listens to what he has to say.

    If he tries to convince her, she just sticks
    to the same words: “I feel uncomfortable and I
    don’t want to invite her over…” And then she
    can walk away from the conversation.

    Or, she can go with “Sure.” And let her come
    over so she can see for herself.

    2. Next – she needs to use all my Tools to
    start fresh in her marriage. (Reconnect Your
    Relationship is perfect for this – it will help
    her “Change Everything” – her “vibe,” the way her
    husband relates to her – everything. You can
    listen to a bit of Reconnect right here):

    3. This is all about changing her “energy”
    from being “combative” and “challenging” with her
    husband because she feels so mushy and weak on
    the inside, to feeling so strong inside that she
    can be a soft, alluring, magnetic woman on the

    This is where Emily needs to get a handle on
    her own emotions.

    If you’ve read any of these letters, you know
    I’m not about “hiding” your emotions, or
    “changing” them, or “distracting yourself” from
    even your most unpleasant feelings – instead,
    Emily has to dive in and become AWARE of how her
    feelings are hurting her and her marriage.

    And in order to become aware of your true
    feelings, you have to feel them.

    And once you can feel them, in order to create
    true intimacy with a man, you have to be able to
    EXPRESS your feelings with him in a way that
    doesn’t push him away – as Emily is doing by
    attacking him, trying to get him to act
    differently – trying to get him to LOVE her.

    Expressing your feelings in an authentic way
    not only let’s a man see who you are and get
    close to you because of your vulnerability – it
    allows him to feel SAFE with you.

    For most of us, this kind of instruction
    sounds like a direction to “have a serious talk
    about the relationship.”

    But that’s NOT what works.

    Later on, Emily might be able to say “I feel
    bad about our marriage. It would feel so good to
    be close to you again…”

    But that’s WAY later.

    NOW – Emily needs to say things like “This
    feels so fun,” whenever there’s a moment of fun
    between them.

    Emily needs to get into her own sexuality and
    sensuality and feel happy when she’s around him
    by finding things in her life that she can be
    happy about.

    She has to take her focus off of him and find
    a way to experience happy moments for herself”

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 11:15am

  695. 695: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    Reading about Roris story is inspiring. It gives me hope that I’m not running out of time. This fear has ruled me for too long. I’m happy learning and taking time for me so that I’m ready for when it is my time.

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 11:20am

  696. 696: Miss BellsNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you FlowerChild!
    That is what I am looking for–some perspective.
    I had Toxic Men, but don’t have it anymore.
    HS came out as “difficult”.
    I have Sirens, Reconnecting, and blueprint.
    With Love Scripts I am sure there is value BUT-We have been living together playing house–everyone thinks we are married-he says he feels like he is cheating on his wife–but we are NOT actually married. So-neither dating or married feels right. Are there scripts for someone in my situation?
    I am thinking Targeting Mr. Right might be helpful.
    It is so hard to be breezy and fun when I feel so awful.

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 11:21am

  697. 697: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you Lama, Sophie and FW!! I feel understood and comforted. I don’t feel so lonely anymore.

    I just cooked dinner for my folks, first he is in a foul mood and snaps at me for leaving the fridge door open for the milisecond it takes me to grab something and put it back (eh?, am I supposed to get it out with the door closed??)…and then she tells me how they cook pasta in Italy…and since I lived in Italy, she said something I corrected her and said ‘actually, when I lived there, they did it like this’. So she gets into a huff and drops lip and keeps insisting that she was right (she never gets out of the village let alone to Italy)…and I always let it go because I know how anal they are. But I was already upset and just said ‘whatever, I only lived there, so I must be wrong, and you are right – for the peace’. Then she dropped lip even more, and what usually happens (because they are immature people and can’t let this stuff go like adults), my Dad will probably say ‘my wife was very upset about the pasta thing’ – that’s what normally happens. Ridiculous, I know, but I have been through it many times. Once I said I found the outside stairs slippery and they took it as criticism of their house and she cried all night (and then the postman fell down the stairs..ummm..and they nearly got sued).
    It is impossible to have a normal conversation, or lo and behold, a differing opinion. It’s just not accepted. And I just don’t give a rat’s ar** today because I can’t feel any more low and I am fed up to say ‘yes’ all the time.
    I can’t wait to get out of here and then they can carry on barking at each other instead of involving me in this inaffectionate, constantly bickering thing that is a marriage. There’s how not to do it.
    Sorry for the whinge, I sound like a spoilt brat and tonight was not the time for feeling messages…

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 11:22am

  698. 698: ruthNo Gravatar says:

    678 Bloom-ing i really love that idea!

    Rebecca-one minute at a kind to yourself, take a bath, cry, eat some ice cream and know that tomorrow will be better.Even the next hour may be better

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 11:24am

  699. 699: MissStixNo Gravatar says:

    Miss bells

    I want to commend you on your strength in staying where you are.

    It takes immense strength and courage. I know this because I stayed with ex-husband for 2 whole years after he cheated on me the first time. The shame of not being able to make it work, and fear of being alone kept me hanging on.

    Maybe knowing how HARD it was to stick around helped me leave when he cheated again.

    With that said…When you are able to you, leaving really is your best option. Hold your head up high, and take your power back. If nothing feels worse than lies and cheating…Nothing feels better than going your own way.

    Ican tell you are strong, and you have years of wisdom on me so I feel awkward advising you. However, I feel your power and strength are completely wasted on this man.

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 11:24am

  700. 700: FlowerChild77No Gravatar says:

    Miss Bells…Do you have Rori’s e-book? There is a section where she ‘translates’ what we would usually say into Feeling Messages—things a man can actually “hear” from us….without blaming and/or making him wrong. Once they feel attacked or blamed they shut down and stop listening.

    I was stuck in this pattern for several years with my fiance (would-be-husband.) We were deadlocked into a pattern of “arguing” where I really, really thought I was telling him how I felt, only I was SO hurt and SO angry that I ended up being mean and sarcastic…but I STILL thought I was just ‘being honest.’ :-(

    All I was really doing was telling him how wrong he was, how it was all his fault and, basically, how inept he was. All he heard was—that he was never going to be able to make me happy and how he wasn’t the right man for me.

    We went round and round until I found Rori. A man needs to feel respected in order to actually ‘hear’ what we have to say.

    The book is very inexpensive and could help you with how to talk to him without falling back into the old patterns that aren’t/haven’t been working <3

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 11:25am

  701. 701: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:


    As bad as things got, I was terrified to leave
    him. I would actually think, “What if there’s
    nothing better out there?”

    So I stuck it out, and all the while I kept
    losing myself. I couldn’t relax. I felt lost and
    weak. I lost faith in love, relationships, myself.

    Something had to change. Either I had to fix
    things for good or get out.

    But one thing was certain: I had to find
    myself again.

    After much soul-searching, I decided to leave
    him. But what I did after that was even more
    important. Instead of moping around and feeling
    sorry for myself, I started focusing 100% on
    MYSELF. I made my passions, my commitment, and
    my well-being my number one priority. I started
    having FUN.

    And when I did that, something magical
    happened… that’s how I found my husband!

    Why? Because a woman who puts herself first
    and enjoys life is very attractive to men… and
    she’ll attract the kind of man who also takes
    care of himself”

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 11:25am

  702. 702: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Tam your dad might be just waiting for you to stand up for yourself.

    “I get why you see it that way. I’d see it that way too if I were you. But I’m me so I see it differently”

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 11:27am

  703. 703: bloom-ingNo Gravatar says:

    i love my anger. give it a hug (((((anger))))) awww it’s so sweet….. awwww baby (((anger))) sweet, foot-stomping little gremlin….. you’re cute ! you don’t have to frown. no one’s “silencing” you – you don’t even have to yell…. you can even just whisper, i’ll listen, i promise : )

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 11:28am

  704. 704: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    First- stop the negative thought dead in it’s track

    Second- look around at something that pleases you, real or imaginary

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 11:31am

  705. 705: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    “A man needs to feel respected in order to actually ‘hear’ what we have to say”.

    I saw this over the weekend. My sister-in-law is so angry she can’t even hear herself. First he mother was disrespectful to my brother in my house talking to him like a two year to the point I had to say this sounds strange to me.

    Then my sister-in-law went into trying to convince him about changing his mind about something. In doing she said stuff like “that is so stupid” and “any other reasonable person” would do such and such. It was obvious my brother was not hearing hear because of her energy, her making him wrong and basically telling him he is stupid. When I brought the stupid to her atttention she actually said she had not said that. 2 Minutes later. Even her kids heard her.

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 11:32am

  706. 706: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    So what is the secret to improving sensuality?

    The secret is….PRACTICE!

    Is this too simple of an answer?

    Even when I started in the ballroom dancing business, I could not look people in the eyes when I taught them. I felt like I was exposing my inner truth…my insecurities.

    In the beginning, everything felt choreographed and corny even artificial. However, in pushing through these awkward feelings I was able to tap into my true essence. The essence that understands that my physical senses, emotional senses and spirit are all different, yet all connected.

    It takes much practice to stand in your power. It takes a lot of practice to acknowledge your truth.

    So let me impress upon you how I had to fake it on many, many, many occasions. I had to pretend to be a champion on the dance floor when the judges were dissecting my dancing abilities…and I *became* one.

    I hope you’ve grasped the value of creating good habits, regardless of how rehearsed, and unauthentic the process might feel.

    As the saying goes…

    Repetition is the mother of skill.

    And that’s exactly what you need to do.

    Start with something simple…like your smile.

    Stand in front of a mirror and take a good look at how your smile can either look good or look bad.

    Your smile has the capacity to change a person’s mood instantly. It is warm, soothing and bright.

    So…go in front of a mirror right now!

    Take a good look at your features. You need to notice what you like about your face. We are all unique…every freckle, wrinkle and blemish is YOU.

    Now you are ready to exercise your smile…let’s begin.

    Step 1: Smile without showing teeth.

    How tight do your muscles feel? Notice if your eyes are involved. How high do your cheek bones rise? How tight are your lips? And finally, do you like what you see?

    Step 2: Smile while showing some teeth.

    Go through the same check list.

    Step 3: Think of a happy thought while trying both smiles again.

    You always need to be aware of your intention behind every action you make. It becomes more convincing and more genuine.

    Taking this action may seem small and insignificant, yet I believe that lasting change needs to feel easy and feasible…the tough part is making it consistent.

    To create change takes effort. My divorce was a huge wake-up call for me to make changes in my life. What will be your wake-up call?

    Body language is one vehicle that can help shape your destiny. To portray a mature, confident woman, you need a certain body confidence that is demonstrated through your movement…your walk, your eyes, your poise

    Patty Contenta

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 11:37am

  707. 707: NEW SIRENNo Gravatar says:

    Ok, Miss Bells:) True that advice doesnt work for everyone. But you are really strong:):)

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 11:38am

  708. 708: bloom-ingNo Gravatar says:

    yesterday i went to do laundry…. i was picturing it being a clean, easy, quick endeavor…….. well, it wasn’t ! … i called cd & was like “i’ll be home around 7. i forgot laundry soap so i have to get some.” he asked for buns & said he’d grill dinner….. just moving the laundry from my car, putting it in the machines, loading soap & quarters, took an hour! lol…. & then i went to get some frozen yogurt… & the toppings had gone bad ! (i chose blueberries & pineapple…icky to have gone bad)… & then i was sweaty & hungry & forgot my calamari salad in the car so my whole car smelled like warm seafood when i got back from moving the wash to the dryers (a 30 minute endeavor!)….. then had a lovely margarita in a dive bar with my oprah magazine & some chips & guac : )))) ……. then took me an hour to fold everything ! i didn’t get home till 9 ! & cd wasn’t answering our land line because he was working…… & i felt so stressed starting up the mountain…….. like “he’s gonna be annoyed i took so long, i’m tired, i spent a lot of dollars washing blankets & stuff, my boss is mean, i hxte when people don’t answer the phone, i’m tired, i’m late…” but then i just decided OMG i’m going home to be with my partner & my dog & cat ??? there is FOOD on the table waiting for me ???? WOW how wonderful : ) & i got home & cd was all over me helping & being sweet & i got a new wave of energy, played with the dog, put away all the laundry & did dishes…. & we had a lovely evening. but i was THIS CLOSE to ruining it for myself… but i didn’t : ) good job lk ! you are growing up & i think it’s love-ly to watch. go for it.

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 11:40am

  709. 709: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    Rori, you rock,

    This made me laugh…

    “if what we want is love, adoration, affection… Why are we using all our effort to get our men to take out the garbage?”

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 11:41am

  710. 710: ruthNo Gravatar says:

    You said what you felt and you were authentic
    That man just wasnt up to it and now you wont have to see him anymore

    its going to get better
    i know it does not feellike that right now

    But it will get better

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 11:42am

  711. 711: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    “The TRUTH is – EVERY man knows that if he
    isn’t marrying you, he has NO VALID claim on you.
    He KNOWS he can’t expect LOYALTY (as in
    “exclusivity”) if he hasn’t committed to you.
    It’s plain, basic “man-speak” — whether he owns
    up to it or not.

    And the more we buy into this idea that he
    somehow DOES have a right to your commitment
    without making one of his…the less respect, on
    a deep, subconscious level, he has for you.

    I would be willing to guess that he didn’t
    divorce his ex just because she cheated on him.

    There was more and uglier stuff he can’t even
    get to inside his brain and heart.

    If someone cheats on us — every single one of
    us blames ourselves for it. We’re enraged at
    them, but we think it’s because we weren’t
    “enough” (plenty around this for another

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 11:42am

  712. 712: RebeccaNo Gravatar says:


    On the contary, it is not a silly post. I love it!!

    Yes, it is definately true for me. I love seeing peoples quirkes and imperfections…! I feel like it shows me their vulnerabilty.. Ahhh… It makes me sad thinking about it.

    I also sceamed at my best friend today. He didn’t deserve it and I feel terrible…. He is really a lovely, sweet, helpful man. I feel like I hve treated him badly.. I will try and explain to him tmw..

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 11:44am

  713. 713: FlowerChild77No Gravatar says:

    Miss Bells…I didn’t realize that you had the programs already…so the book suggestion is probably not helpful. Sorry…

    We were not married when I got LoveScripts, either. But shortly after I got it and started using it—he went from asking me if I would consider trying again to begging me to come back home (I was in a situation very similar to yours, except there never any other woman) to telling he’d do ANYthing to get me back to asking me to marry him.

    I used the ‘married’ one (LoveScripts) because we had lived together for so many years and it wasn’t a “dating” situation at all. I can’t say for sure—but I feel like what I learned in that program really helped things come together and he realized how much he wanted to be with me.

    This is the program where she says that if you’re already in a committed relationship/living together/married, etc. that you need to find a way to make it OK for YOU.

    I would, maybe, do the Toxic Men evaluation again—this time using more accurate, current information when answering the questions. From what I remember from what you’ve been posting, I’d guess he may come out as Toxic this time. Just a thought.

    Did you lose the program? If you got he streaming video version, I think she will ‘replace it’ up to a year after your purchase. (I THINK this is what I remember. I got the DVD version.)

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 11:48am

  714. 714: Miss BellsNo Gravatar says:

    Maybe toxic–maybe very difficult.
    He is still clear that he values me.
    It is just the OW stuff and the “house-mate” thing that are not OK for me.
    We really have a good peaceful home life-even now, most of the time.

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 11:59am

  715. 715: FlowerChild77No Gravatar says:

    I can really relate. I had so much invested in that house (financial, as well as ‘sweat equity’) that I didn’t want to leave either. It was ‘home’ to me. Even when we weren’t on the greatest terms, he always said that it was just an old farmhouse—and that it was ME that made it a real home. I helped with all the restoration (YEARS of very hard physical labor.) My heart and soul were in that house.

    I do think that moving out was the right thing for me at the time. I could see no hope that anything was going to change for us. It was SO difficult to leave there. So I do understand how you feel about the house and that it’s your home, I really do.

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 12:10pm

  716. 716: Miss BellsNo Gravatar says:

    I have been using the tools all along to a degree.
    I have been leaning back.
    I have left my options open.
    I have let him see and hear my admiration.
    I have been respectful,
    But–less good on emotional honesty and FMs.
    I don’t want this to be about the OW. As far as I can tell it is just a little sprout-I don’t want to water it.
    I will try to express my feelings in the moment without giving energy to OW.
    We will see what happens.

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 12:12pm

  717. 717: ruthNo Gravatar says:

    I cant keep up!

    So much good stuff on here

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 12:13pm

  718. 718: FlowerChild77No Gravatar says:

    Miss Bells,

    Have you actually come right out and said that you love him and want to be a couple? Have you told him you don’t like it that he’s seeing another woman?

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 12:13pm

  719. 719: Miss BellsNo Gravatar says:

    We have told each other we love each other-not for a long time.
    I made it very clear I HATE it that he is chasing the ow.

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 12:17pm

  720. 720: RebeccaNo Gravatar says:

    Gosh, I feel bad. I know we have all experienced rejection. I know I shouldn’t be all me, me, me…

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 12:20pm

  721. 721: RebeccaNo Gravatar says:

    The sad thing is, this man who I am obsessed with probably has a girlfriend… There will be a reason why he hasn’t conacted me…

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 12:23pm

  722. 722: R.N.AmazingMeNo Gravatar says:

    So went on POF today just checking mail and after I read what I wrote I was like…wow. This dude already had made some red flag comments like he said hello are you there, seemed like too eager. I felt a lil queezy but let it ride. So being polite but sarcastic which is my personality but I guess to someone else it may have seemed mean which was not my intention. He answered so quickly so I commented and he said he had an app on his phone okay me too. I said wow that’s special i bet your a real shark out with all these fish in the sea…i was just trying to rough him up by seeing what he would say by me being a smart boootiiiiee. Well it was an experience he sent me this paragraph like basically saying I was jaded and obvious I have been hurt…wtttttthhhhh I was like whoa where did all that come from. He started that lecture by saying this is the first time I have ever had to do this and then he says all the things I guess he felt he needed. I had to kind of laugh to myself I mean wow. First off I was not serious and second I highly doubt I am the first girl he has used that speech on, lastly what would I want with a man with no nads. I am being harsh because I mean get a grip. I need a real man that wants to care for me and loves all of me and takes a sense of humor. He proved pretty fast he could not take that. I may not of handled it right but one thing he said stuck. He said why am I even on POF with such judgement or whatever. I thought about it and was like u know I don’t know why I am on it, I window shop and do not talk to anyone. What is the point?!! I want to meet a real man in the flesh! That feels good and safe to me so I am thinking of taking it down what do you sirens think????

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 12:32pm

  723. 723: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    RN Cdating helps us to experience ourselves and each man has a message. As such I would look for what I could learn about myself here “He said why am I even on POF with such judgement or whatever.”

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 12:35pm

  724. 724: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i feel horrified reading that . I don’t want this for myself.

    I feel just paralyzed reading.

    I feel afraid that I too treat myself this way that I feel so judgemental Of

    Sticking around in abuse to not rock the boat looks

    I judge myself for that

    That keeps me paralyzed

    I feel brain white

    I love my Braun white feeling






    Crying buried in me

    I want to be alone

    I feel lonely

    I feel



    That feels good to heal

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 12:36pm

  725. 725: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Miss Bells is too focussed on what he is doing

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 12:40pm

  726. 726: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Wow some self destructive patterns ‘seem’ ridiculous as on trigger me and I feel judgemental of them in others

    Sovi have self destructive patterns where I feel angry and I’m like,

    Yeah I’ma turn around and hurt myself cuz fuchk Tryna be happy grrrr

    And everyone take that then cuz it will maybe sorta hurt them too or there will just be itt and that’s a strong energy to honor my anger

    And what if I can honor my anger in a way that feels good

    no! Voice

    U feel anger so much anger I choose to honor my anger

    I am giving myself permission to honor myself as enough to honor my anger


    I feel scared

    What about my identity of bearing people up I still want that thrill and fame and power rush of competing and winking

    Trusting myself I want that I choose to trust myself

    No need to test myself

    Wow but I feel scarce I feel mistrustful I want proof of my power

    I feel afraid and not very powerful

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 12:42pm

  727. 727: bloom-ingNo Gravatar says:

    i’m going to start healing the entire universe with my untrained yoga practice : ) i can do that. i believe it : )

    i just opened my heart & i’m keeping it open for as long as i can until i forget & have to re-open it. i can do it over & over again forever

    i feel confused & “unknowing” total mental blank, no answers, about a lot of things…… & i love my un-knowing-ness : )

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 12:43pm

  728. 728: R.N.AmazingMeNo Gravatar says:

    ouchhhh, these cramps are intense. Love being a woman. …

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 12:44pm

  729. 729: ruthNo Gravatar says:

    I havent ever done internet dating(Im ancient)
    but my friends who have are mixed about it
    Some find noone on POF, some have had great dates

    Some like the speed dating thing, its means you see lots of men in the flesh but only for a short time

    I dont know

    Id only be dating myself when CD

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 12:46pm

  730. 730: FlowerChild77No Gravatar says:

    Orgasms are great for getting rid of cramps 😉

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 12:50pm

  731. 731: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Martial arts are training for war or can it

    Become a healing art of reframing incoming energy into healing and evolving

    I would like that that would feel good

    I feel scared

    My most amazing thrilling moments have been beating people up

    I’m not sure I want to give that up

    I want help with this please

    I feel afraid

    I feel sad

    I feel lost

    I feel open for help with this

    It would feel great to have help with this

    Who an I

    One of my first own self esteem things from me came from beating other ppl up

    That’s who I am that’s solid of me from me my joy

    I want to heal this

    What is it in there that I feel so good with


    Being seen

    Being honored and admired


    Fame being talked well about

    Replaying it after in my kind and feeling happy thrilled smily powerful important worthy can do lovely amazing

    I felt soooooo good about myself

    I want to feel that way all the time

    I can feel that way all the time

    I don’t feel that way all the time

    I want to heal this

    I feel sad thinking I didn’t feel very powerful in my family

    I don’t want to think of that

    It feels better to think if feeling like a sun on earth, beaming smiling happy having tousled and pushed and used my body physically and be seen and feel altered consciousness focus and amazing excitement and feeling good and acknowledged and important and admired and it felt good and I wasn’t always getting that at home

    And I feel lost and I live myself

    And I want to heal this

    I’m giving myself permission to heal this

    I feel frustrated scared sad

    I love my feelings

    In healing and they’re purging

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 12:52pm

  732. 732: ruthNo Gravatar says:

    I feel very curious about you blooming

    I am intrigued

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 12:52pm

  733. 733: ruthNo Gravatar says:

    Oh yes, orgasms

    Keep forgetting about those


    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 12:57pm

  734. 734: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    so, my Dad kind of communicates passive aggressively, through his writing and classes he teaches and in his public speeches.

    little digs to defend himself and to subtly attack (though I don’t believe maliciously.)

    and I just realized that two men that I deeply loved, while they were amazing men just like my Dad, tended to do that too. teachers/writers/public speakers who communicate about uncomfortable situations through their lessons, writings, and speeches.

    and I don’t want that!

    It feels cowardly and cheap.

    I know they mean well, and are scared of communicating those uncomfortable feelings, but I want a man who will be courageous and gentle and firmly communicate what he is thinking and feeling with me, after he’s thought about it or whenever he’s ready to talk about it.

    Passive aggressive communication through public means feels really icky to me.

    It takes me a long time to process things, so I need to be patient. I understand the man’s need to process things.

    I am willing to wait for good communication.

    It feels healthy, good, and compassionate to my men, other people in my life, and to me!

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 12:57pm

  735. 735: R.N.AmazingMeNo Gravatar says:

    We all deal with things in our own way, sometimes when we hurt and realize some of our faults in life. In my case I didn’t realize at the time what I went through changed me and who I am for the rest of my life. I am not sure how good this will be for my future. All still so new, I mean literally I just accepted myself in this year and started loving myself again because I notice I say “myself as in I” gave someone power over me. I did not choose my feelings first and I did repulsive things I do not want to even rehash…needy, clingy. I repeated this in my life many times and couldn’t figure out how this one man got to me. I used to never be without dating someone, and most of time it was a friend then fwb scenerio. That is what I was used to that is what worked for me….I THOUGHT>>>>

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 12:58pm

  736. 736: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    Ruth 729- you certainly do not look ancient in your picture lol! My mum is 56 and found her cd after divorcing my dad after 35 years of marriage on a dating site. She got engaged again a month ago!! It doesn’t matter what age you are.

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 12:58pm

  737. 737: P-lalaNo Gravatar says:

    How is it possible that K can know what I want as soon as I want it? Have any of you experienced this?

    Several times a day, when I am not even in his presence, I simply think of something I want or want to do and K will give me a call and make a plan to make it happen.

    This is fascinating to me.

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 12:59pm

  738. 738: JasmineNo Gravatar says:


    I wonder, are you in this fb Siren group?

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 1:01pm

  739. 739: JasmineNo Gravatar says:

    I feel hungry and sleepy and tired. My legs sore from my workout yesterday. I hope I do a better job today, but it’s going to be harder! I still feel excited :)

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 1:04pm

  740. 740: bloom-ingNo Gravatar says:

    what’s going on ? keep trying to post but it won’t let me….

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 1:07pm

  741. 741: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    P la la – 737

    That’s the law of attraction for you!

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 1:07pm

  742. 742: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    jasmine, i’m not, but i’m fb friends with a lot of sirens.

    can someone in the group please direct Jasmine to my profile so she and i can be fb friends? :):):)

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 1:09pm

  743. 743: ruthNo Gravatar says:

    P lala

    Wow :)

    Smile, i am just being silly.But thank you. I am 47 No spring chicken,But not *that*old and running marathons most weeks LOL

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 1:10pm

  744. 744: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    I feel so judgemental I judge myself as having no awareness of spirituality wow I want to heal this

    I do t want to stop judging past self

    I want to open to stopping

    I’m givIng myself Permission to stop


    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 1:12pm

  745. 745: JasmineNo Gravatar says:


    742 – Yayy that would be awesome!

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 1:12pm

  746. 746: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    743- oo I’m imagining you meeting a handsome man whilst your out running. I haven’t warmed to the idea of Internet dating yet, I’m 28. I’m thinking about it more though.

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 1:16pm

  747. 747: MelNo Gravatar says:

    Wow… I feel so amazed…

    This winter, I created a “universe box” (a suggestion from one of you lovely sirens… Gingersky?) and gave up worry and control over a few things in my life.

    Some of them were things that had been bothering me, that I just didn’t know how to solve. Others were good things that I wanted for myself.

    Today I had a peek inside, because I couldn’t remember what I had put in there. I felt shocked and warmed and softened to see that almost all of them had been “taken care of.” Some of them in a way that I would never had come up with myself. there were a couple that are still in progress, and one, that while still out there, felt hopeful.

    I added a couple more things today. The universe is a good and thoughtful mistress.

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 1:19pm

  748. 748: MissStixNo Gravatar says:


    I would keep it up! (The POF) I learned so so much about me, and men having a POF account!

    Take from it what you need and take it with a grain of salt. Don’t place too much importance on it…”It’s not immediately doing what I want it to, or I don’t think I need it so I MUST take it down!”

    Just use it for your own gains, and who knows…Maybe a wonderful man will pop out! That’s where I met my current. He’s just a killer guy. Our only problem is that I feel like I spend too much time at his place *eye roll*.

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 1:30pm

  749. 749: bloom-ingNo Gravatar says:

    how silly. it won’t allow me to tell you all that i met my man ONLINE & that he wrote me a JOKE message, with a FAKE profile !!! aww makes me sad to think i could have “missed” him if I’d been even the slightest bit judgmental…… he listed his city as another one far away….. his screen name was “unnerving” LOL….

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 1:33pm

  750. 750: ruthNo Gravatar says:

    awww 28

    I got married at 27

    (still married BTW .Big mess)
    Runners are very sexy people

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 1:36pm

  751. 751: bloom-ingNo Gravatar says:

    ohsilly silly silly but there it is : )

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 1:38pm

  752. 752: ruthNo Gravatar says:

    But Mmmm
    That feels nice smile

    Your name feels nice

    thank you

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 1:39pm

  753. 753: MelNo Gravatar says:

    Miss Bells,

    I “lived” with my ex for about 4 months after we decided to divorce. It felt horrible. He wanted to be friends, but I was soooo angry and hurt and that felt impossible. I hated being home, it didn’t feel like home anymore. I wanted to be anywhere else.

    When I finally found my teeny little very own place, I started to feel so much better. I couldn’t afford a lot, but it was MINE and I could do as I pleased and I really think it was the first step to healing.

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 1:43pm

  754. 754: bloom-ingNo Gravatar says:

    i’m “fxcking up” today & yesterday a lot…… but still i choose to put myself in a place that is safe : ) away from “beating myself up” & away from “questioning” everything…. i’m doing good & i know i’m going in the right direction……… i choose my “reality” & i choose my “reactions” ….. i’m feeling….. beyond “ambitious” actually – just feeling like “the birds of the air, for they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns”…… the heavens provide…. : ) yum i want that, trust it, believe it! it’s True… hmmm…… it is true. if i don’t have it, i don’t really need it. i believe that. if i have a “challenge” i must really need it ! i believe that ! yummy i can do that.

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 1:46pm

  755. 755: ruthNo Gravatar says:

    I am taking the mesage here to keep an open mind

    that feels GOOD

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 1:47pm

  756. 756: MelNo Gravatar says:

    Ha ha!

    Mr A and I were at a restaurant, and I was feeling starved. I took a bite of my food and said “Mmmmm…. that feels good!”

    He said… “yup, it also tastes good too! You are a curious one, Mel!” 😉

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 1:48pm

  757. 757: bloom-ingNo Gravatar says:

    mel, i like your universe box story : ) i have the same feeling when i read through old journals & i can really see that when i choose to do or allow something wonderful, there it is…. magical. i believe that ! i feel excited for now & for next : )

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 1:48pm

  758. 758: Miss BellsNo Gravatar says:

    I am not sure if this is dead or if there are embers.
    When I really leave he comes a calling…
    But–If I were 100% done, I could stay there without a problem.
    Or-I could leave for a better deal.
    I feel so uncertain about my life, and this relationship, or whatever it is.

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 1:51pm

  759. 759: bloom-ingNo Gravatar says:

    ruth, i feel curious about you as well : ) i feel happy to connect with you : ))) if you want to email me, i have an email that is ohyeswowlk at gmail dot com : )

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 1:54pm

  760. 760: MelNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks bloom-ing! :)

    It just really made me realize how much I want things to beon my own terms and that maybe a lot of opportunities have been passing me by because I just couldn’t feel open to them.

    For example… one of my items in the box was ‘kids.’ Getting divorced really made me feel sad and hopeless about this.

    But just this last week, Mr A’s “kid” told me that she loves me… and hopes that I will be around every single day and always. And I realized, that I can have “kids” without them ever having come from my own body.

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 1:56pm

  761. 761: bloom-ingNo Gravatar says:

    (((((((((((Mel))))))))))) that is so SWEET ! aww that’s lovely

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 2:00pm

  762. 762: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    750- you describe your marriage as a big mess, it can’t have always felt that way to have lasted 20 years.

    I would feel intrigued for you to share with us what it was like when you first fell in love? How did he care for you?

    I chose my name smile because it makes me feel good too, people always think I’m happy because I’m a smily person. Smile is my word, it radiates happiness out of me. Guys are attracted to my smile. I’m feeling smily that my name feels good to you too.

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 2:02pm

  763. 763: Dancing SirenNo Gravatar says:

    (saying in head) I love you and accept you just the way you are.

    It felt good to see you today.

    And things still don’t feel quite right.

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 2:04pm

  764. 764: bloom-ingNo Gravatar says:

    i hear you about being “blind” to things if they don’t come how you imagine………. but often they come JUST how you imagine……… & still it feels the strangest thing…………

    like p-lala was saying – sometimes cd just takes the wish right out of my open heart ! & i take his too : ) we’ll often end up at home at the end of the day with me having gotten half the things for a meal & him having gotten the other half & no communication, just we get what we need for happy together times : )

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 2:04pm

  765. 765: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    762- Ruth, sorry I forgot to type your name

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 2:06pm

  766. 766: MissStixNo Gravatar says:

    Hi ladies/sirens (gotta get used to calling you sirens :p)

    I saw mention of a FB group? I would love love love to join! If you’ll have me of course 😉 I know I haven’t bern around long but I feel welcome here already!

    Love and appreciation for any info!

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 2:21pm

  767. 767: JasmineNo Gravatar says:

    Hey MissStix,

    Just email Radlove and she will put you in!

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 2:47pm

  768. 768: MissStixNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you Jasmine :)

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 2:52pm

  769. 769: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    woohoo, i just bought some really expensive face products that i’ve run out of, and it turns out i can apply my credit card rewards balance to buy them!

    so they were like 11 bucks total:D

    yay happy magic money funnel

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 2:52pm

  770. 770: ruthNo Gravatar says:

    No ,it wasnt always a big mess

    :Like I say you dont flush 20 years married down the pan

    he iS a nice man but

    yes, there are buts
    Sorry, i would rather not do specifics.I judge myself enough

    getting married was the end of a load of sexual self abuse
    I had not healed
    And then, well, my job stuffed everything down beautifully with 100 hour weeks(junior doc in the 90s)
    I never wanted children and that was a nail in the coffin
    he changed his mind

    Hm so much for no specifics
    Anyway look, enough of me
    Its a mess

    But this blog is very helpful

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 2:58pm

  771. 771: bloom-ingNo Gravatar says:

    yay, starla : )))

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 2:58pm

  772. 772: ruthNo Gravatar says:

    Smile—I do love your name

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 3:00pm

  773. 773: lilybellyNo Gravatar says:



    Love the story about Mr. A’s daughter. You may as well consider yourself what I call, a Bonus Mom. How wonderful for you to spread your sunshine on to a young girl. She will learn so many wonderful things from you…and dare I say, you from her.

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 3:22pm

  774. 774: JasmineNo Gravatar says:

    My legs sore!! Arrrrgggg

    I better put my exercise shoes on.

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 3:24pm

  775. 775: Dancing SirenNo Gravatar says:


    This week is nearly done.

    I feel on hold, trapped by the endless cycle of work.

    Although it is my last week of classes and so next week will feel easier, and then next week is my las week at the pub job, and after that much slower, and a break…

    And I have no real spare energy for CD-ing right now, although I know I will in the coming weeks.

    I have a diet detox planned for then too, and meantime I am feeling out of control with my diet and nutrition.

    Also I have no handle on my finances, in terms of where I am at.

    I feel like I have been firefighting… and this week has felt so emotional with everything that has happened, I just haven’t been able to juggle all the balls.

    I am really ready to get off this rollercoaster.

    I will know more where I am at after this week.

    S was very sweet at work today. He keeps telling me he loves me everyday and sending me messages and stuff.

    After lunch shift today he came and talked to me and was just talking about his stuff, and I practiced staying open, present and listening at level 2.

    It was hard not to advise, ask the innocent question etc, and I did pretty well.

    I stayed with my feelings.

    I have noticed a lot of anger coming up for me today.

    I think much of it is at my own situation that I have created, although I am intending many improvements.

    Things aren’t that bad.

    They are ok really.

    There is a lot of stuff I could say to S, and for now I am just leaning back.

    I do still think I can date him in the future, maybe, if I want to.

    There is something I would want to request of him, however that is a whole another potential conversation, that may or may not occur depending on how things unfold.

    I am ok with the uncertainty right now.

    It is very clear to me that there is still a lot of love there.

    And also that things still don’t feel quite right.

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 3:28pm

  776. 776: FlowerChild77No Gravatar says:

    Radlove…how are you doing? I’m thinking about you <3

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 3:28pm

  777. 777: RebeccaNo Gravatar says:

    … Or he is gay..? I have been thinking about that more and more..

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 3:32pm

  778. 778: P-lalaNo Gravatar says:

    So, I just got the strangest phone call from my college ex (25 years ago…we reconnected on FB about 4 years ago and have been kind friends since). Apparently his girlfriend, whom I ran into at our college reunion, told him that I was trash talking him and he asked if I think she is nuts.

    They’ve been dating 2 years. Her FB status says ‘in a relationship’, his says ‘single.’ Theirs is a long distance relationship and he has told her it will never be anything more.

    He said that she is constantly sending him text like “I’m just trying to hold our relationship together and need more from you” and “why don’t you visit more often.” She purchases loads and loads of gifts for his young daughter and insists that they talk at least once a day.

    All of these things are turning him off and now he thinks she is nuts. (I didn’t tell him about the ‘stay away from my man’ FB message I received from her a few weeks ago, but I was tempted)

    I feel such compassion for her. She needs Rori and her tools so badly. She is way overfunctioning and chasing her man away…if she ever had him in the first place. What a heartbreaking place to be…to love a man who thinks you are crazy.

    I don’t know what he’s going to do about it. I told him that I didn’t trash talk him, that I have no designs on him and that it sounds like she’s scared. I’m going to just leave it at that and maybe put her on “acquaintance” status on FB.

    UGH….why so much drama? I feel hurt and violated to be thought of as the kind of woman who would steal another woman’s man and that she would lie about me in an attempt to possess her man. Blech.

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 3:39pm

  779. 779: Dancing SirenNo Gravatar says:

    I’ve also become addicted to sugar again! In a BIG way.

    Which is another thing that needs sorting out…

    Well, only 2 more days to go full on, and 7 more days if you include the pub shifts, which for me make it feel much harder to eat well and stay away from sugar.

    I intend to focus on my life and pay attention to all these things that need my loving attention and care.

    Yay Me.

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 3:40pm

  780. 780: FlowerChild77No Gravatar says:

    Dancing Siren…Sounds like you’re doing great. You’re on your horse, headed in the right direction on the bridge to your happily ever after :-)

    Nothing is etched in stone and anything can happen. Your heart is open and you’re leaving him with his situation (not giving advice, etc.) I know how hard it is to NOT say things sometimes.

    Trusting in the uncertainty…I’m working on that, myself.


    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 3:40pm

  781. 781: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    where is that article that writes about if hes being silent to punish you. i do this. ?

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 3:44pm

  782. 782: Dancing SirenNo Gravatar says:

    I don’t feel enthusiastic about tomorrow.

    I am aware that I am cramming lots in to try to get the ironing job done around all the other work, and it doesn’t feel good.

    I feel like I am running on empty.

    I judge that I didn’t do especially well today, but I got through and did the essentials, so that will just be enough for now.

    I still feel a lot of fear around my finances.

    It will be ok lil girl… don’t worry. Everything will be finey. yes there there.

    The rain outside feels nice.

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 3:45pm

  783. 783: MissStixNo Gravatar says:

    Feeling peaceful, and hopeful. I feel a little tingly. There is some electric energy grazing my skin. Feeling fresh and energized. At the same time I feel very tranquil.

    Just finished my post-work yoga sesh, and this is my favourite part of the day. So…Energetically relaxed. A gorgeous fruity smelling shower comes next.

    Staying at G’s place again tonite. He’s going to grill some chicken and green and red peppers. Yum! I love the way we eat together. I love him for loving healthy food! I love my little belly too…I love the way it jiggles a little. I love it when he bites me on my belly. I feed it good food to nourish it, not to lose it. I love it when he rests his hand on it when we go to sleep. When he does that I feel feminine. I feel very conscious of my womb.

    Today I am showing love to my stretch marks. They are in all the places they should be on a voluptuous woman. They are a part of me, and I love every part of me!

    Feeling very positive, happy, sensual. :) Tonight will be a good night.

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 3:48pm

  784. 784: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    no one else bothers to consistently address him in a respectful yet honest way

    its always worth teh trouble to repharse to

    it would feel great to have help to find that article :(

    i dont know whwer it is and i feel all sad

    i want to heal this and i feel paralyzed without teh article

    oh i feel so miserable

    i hate feeling like this

    i feel like this freqyently

    i give myself permission to love feelign like this

    aww i love me

    so cute


    (((my states)))

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 3:49pm

  785. 785: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Miss Stix i love you! also i feel so excited whenever i pronounce your name in my head and it reveals the other fascinating purple swirly meaning

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 3:50pm

  786. 786: Dancing SirenNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks Flowerchild


    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 3:58pm

  787. 787: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    I love worshipping and adoring people

    trusting people admiring people

    looking up to people and thinking about them and how amazing they are

    and just being like omg i just want you to be happy so BAD

    and i want to honor you and really i would like give u a million dollars just to see your expression

    and also i would rub your feet and bathe them and

    carry you and

    lay flowers at your fett

    and watch you all day

    and feel fascinated entranced and amazed


    I want to feel that way for myself

    but that seems ‘sick’

    i feel like running away in my head



    i didnt know that

    i feel shocked

    that seems sick

    loving myself is sick

    thats why i feel gross touching myself sexually


    loving yourself is werid gross self possessed in the wors way

    like cant get out the mirror something is wrong with you and youll never be happy or ‘normal’ and people will feel scared of your weirdness

    you have tics!!

    something is wrong wrong wrong

    terrible wrong

    pscyho wrong you area ILLL


    its ILL and disgusting ew wretching to love yourself

    that is DISGUSTING

    ew i feel sick

    i dont want to have to do it mommy

    please dont make me love myself

    wow this feels really… consfusing for a young mother like me lol (((Daria)))

    ok babe

    i love you

    and i know loving yourself feels awesome

    and i wonder what triggers you?

    i feel terrified


    i love you

    what if its FUN

    what if its more fun than being terrified

    nah if i hope for that it never comes true



    thanks for telling me the truth little boy

    are you a little boy


    in a little girls body?



    im a little boy

    why are you a little boy i wonder?


    my daddy wants me to be

    strong and smart

    likea boy

    and i want to be too

    i feel so amazed when i see my daddy

    one time i felt scared

    i was a little girl then

    then what happend

    i donto know

    i feel sad


    i love you

    i love your crying

    (((Daria crying)))
    my chst feels painful in the middle

    my head feels tight in the back

    it doesnt feel good


    (baby Daria)

    do you like water in a big cup hat has half water in it



    what about

    if we can change that water somehow so u like it what

    ok we can put flower drops in it


    yeah nut flowers

    no way

    nut flowers

    what do they do

    make us feel powerful

    {root of confindent

    i dont want to use that word confident anymore

    it doesnt ‘mean’ anything to me unless i know

    i want to get the root







    eu sunt Daria




    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 4:01pm

  788. 788: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    what if i extend to my full range

    and then extend a little bit more, pleasureable

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 4:04pm

  789. 789: JasmineNo Gravatar says:

    Arrrrrgggg these workouts are hard!! It’s like for experts.

    I fall so behind

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 4:27pm

  790. 790: luzydelNo Gravatar says:

    I feel frustrated because I cannot find a good affordable dating website. I don’t like POF anymore, it’s same old same old. I’ve joined some meet ups, but the meet ups fall when I am doing other stuffs and I admit I feel kinda awkward about going to a meeting with a group of strangers…

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 4:45pm

  791. 791: MissStixNo Gravatar says:


    You are beautiful, and you deserve to love yourself.

    Loving yourself is only bad and wrong if you do not extend that love to others.

    I want to give you a hard and meaningful hug! I want to hug you right down to your soul and I want you to feel good, and wonderful! You are worth it.

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 5:17pm

  792. 792: FlowerChild77No Gravatar says:

    luzydel…There’s one called “okcupid” and I’m pretty sure it’s free :)

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 5:24pm

  793. 793: MissStixNo Gravatar says:

    also…Purple is my favourite colour :) I am wearing purple today, and my bedroom is shades of purple. You must be very intuitive!

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 5:54pm

  794. 794: MissStixNo Gravatar says:

    @luzydell & flowerchild

    Okcupid is great! I liked the quizzes and how they show compatibility. It may not mean anything to be “compatible” but it’s fun anyway!

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 5:59pm

  795. 795: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    I’m watching Oprah’s Lifeclass while painting my toes.

    She showed Dr Phil saying “you need to trust yourself 1st. Have faith in yourself that you will handle it and know how to take care of yourself if your partner treats you badly.”

    The whole show is about trusting yourself, loving yourself and honouring yourself.

    I feel powerful saying that to myself.

    Oprah says “love does not hurt and does not feel bad. Love feels like a warm soft safe blanket.”

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 6:01pm

  796. 796: RebeccaNo Gravatar says:

    I actually feel like the most unpopular person in the world right now. People seem to start off really, really likeing me, but then beforeI know it they are crossing the street to avoid me. This seemed to happen at the last place I worked at, I just didn’t fit in. People are just not interested in me. I feel very, very sad about this… I don’t know what I do to people….

    I just feel pain in my body today….

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 6:08pm

  797. 797: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    Feeling really good today. TH is still staying here, although I think he’ll end up moving out on the weekend. I can wait till then – not like I’m desperately needing to be alone all of a sudden!

    I told him this morning that although I doubt we will ever get back together (I think he’s thinking we will!!), I can be ok as just friends. He replied saying we’ll talk later.

    My focus is now on ME and what I want, and yeah I still feel a little bit of fear when I think about my uncertain future without him in it, but I also know that somebody is going to come to me who will show me that I was totally missing out when I was with TH! 😉

    Having that belief I think is what’s keeping me from falling back down that hole I was in last week and even just yesterday morning.

    Also, who was it that wrote on here about their ex cheating on them because he felt not good enough? THAT really spoke to me.

    TH is not an attractive guy, and only 6 months ago was obese. He’s now lost a massive amount of weight, but I think that he still feels “inferior” in some way. He sees how much attention I get from men, and I’ve had a couple of occasions where I had a guy hitting on me – right in front of him! Before I came along it had been years since he’d last been in a relationship too.

    So maybe him ending it with me is partly due to his feeling that he’s not good enough?

    Hmmm…… something to ponder……

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 6:14pm

  798. 798: RebeccaNo Gravatar says:

    I just feel do triggered today and lonely. It has really hit me today all the pain I’ve been feeling. Its not just one or two people that treat me badly. I’m talking like 30 or 40… I just feel so used all the time. The only people who want to hang around with me are the people who pity me…. This just makes meeven sadder… Why does everyone hate me??? What is wrong with me???? I’ve been let down so many times it is unbelievable. People look at me and treat me like something they would wipe off the sole of thier shoe….

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 6:15pm

  799. 799: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    795 LiliBee – Oooo I like that!

    Yup trusting (and loving) yourself is the key to happiness I think… :)

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 6:17pm

  800. 800: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:



    It was like that for me in the past.
    It was when I felt the worst about myself, and I was nervous and edgy most of the time.
    I was smiley and friendly at 1st, then when people got to know me, I would let out the complainy, victimy, blamey me…and they would start avoiding me.

    I’m not saying it’s the same reason for you, it’s just something to think about.

    I began trying to step out of myself and experience what it’s like being with me, while interacting with people.

    When I feel off with someone, I think to myself ‘have I ever acted that way?’, and if the answer is ‘yes’, then I tell myself ‘wow, that’s what people feel like when I’m like that’.
    Then I give myself a hug for being aware and being honest with myself.
    I’m teaching myself the social skills I never learned growing up.
    It’s another way of me being a responsible grown up now, loving myself enought to give myself the learning experience to grow.

    It has changed and has been different in the past 6 or 7 years, since I started feeling better about myself and feeling more relaxed and comfortable with myself.
    I have been getting more invitations from people than I can handle this year.

    I feel wanted and appreciated, somewhat overwhelmed…OK, overwhelmed alot.

    I’m enjoying alot of alone time this week, and it feels awesome.
    I feel grounded and relaxed.

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 6:35pm

  801. 801: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:


    Yep, I’ve been there (((Rebecca))), for many years.

    I felt so lonely :(

    I don’t know why it would be that way for you.
    Many sirens here have manifested appreciating your presence here.

    The 1st relationship to cultivate is the one with ourelves.
    When I got to know myself better and started enjoying being with me, other people would too.

    I still have a ways to go, but I’m feeling so much better about myself, and attracting so many more quality people in my life than a few years ago.

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 6:47pm

  802. 802: R.N.AmazingMeNo Gravatar says:

    @798 I am sorry to read you are feeling like that, seems awful. I feeli like telling you get up girl do not let people get you down. Much love to you

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 6:57pm

  803. 803: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:


    ((( BW )))

    You’re doing great processing your feelings.
    Feeling them is the way to go to not stay stuck and have them flowing out, then morphing to something else.
    Yours really seem to be flowing through you.

    You’re giving him his space to process.
    That feels good to read, feels honourable and respectful.

    Are you sure it’s your physical condition that is causing your emotional turmoil?
    Are you sure you’re not hiding behind that, to not own your feelings?

    I’m not saying that it is what you’re doing, but just something to consider.
    Try it on like a jacket and see if it fits. If it doesn’t, feel free to toss it aside.

    My bf hid behind her bipolar condition, to justify her feelings.
    Then she started owning her feelings and stopped blaming her mental illness.
    That’s how she finally got on top of the condition and is mastering it wonderfully now.
    She learned to pay attention to her feelings and take care of them…That’s when a new man popped up different from all the others…He was the 1st to not run away when she told him of her bipolar disorder.
    He said “so just tell me what I need to do if you ever have an episode, and I will handle it.”
    He is a strong man who will stick by her through anything without her even having to ask.

    Funny thing is, she is taking such good care of herself to prevent an episode, that I don’t think she’ll have another one…She doesn’t even need to lean on a man anymore, and that kind of strong man shows up.
    She still receives and enjoys what he gives though, she’s just less needy, clingy and demanding.

    It just goes to prove that Rori knows what she’s talking about when she says ‘take care of you and love you 1st’.

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 7:07pm

  804. 804: Memulo says:

    He called!!! He sounds much much happier, he found a good lawyer, got a proof from doctors that he is healthy and he is fighting back. He asked a lot of questions on how I am doing and we talked and talked till I said that I have to run;)

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 7:10pm

  805. 805: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    Yey Memulo! :)

    He’s being a strong masculine man!

    (I’ve been following your story unfold even if I haven’t said much).

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 7:16pm

  806. 806: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    603 FW – Thank you! I feel happy to see me changing my perspective too! :)

    605 FW – Great tool that one. Radlove, I think that would be a good one for you too. xx

    673 Starla – sometimes I wish there was a “Like” thing to click here… lol Go you siren!

    675 Miss Bells – “I feel angry” has worked for me – it was the turning point for us when he finally decided to offer me what I wanted. Try to avoid the word “you” in what you’re saying though – make it totally about yourself and not him. You are worthy of so much better than the little he seems to be offering… (((Miss Bells)))

    714 Miss Bells – if he valued you, there wouldn’t be the OW to worry about.

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 7:28pm

  807. 807: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Men are texting me like crazy to chat with me
    I feel so entertained and coveted

    And WarriorCD *and* V texted me at almost exactly the same time — one to ask me what my favorite flower is, and the other to ask me my favorite ice cream:)

    Awww gifts are in my future.

    And V told me he is taking me to this really nice Brazilian steakhouse on Friday:) Where I can pig out till the end of time hehehe:)

    These guys think I am so high value

    I want to believe


    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 7:41pm

  808. 808: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:

    I’m feeling yucky.

    D read me a note his son left him.
    He wrote “wash my d8mn shirt”.

    I asked “is there a thank you or a please in there? Wow, you must feel respected.”

    Way to go on turning the knife in the wound Lilibee.

    I don’t know what to say to him in those circumstances.
    I do great at minding my own business when it comes to his son.
    But lately, I’ve been feeling bad to see his son treating him so disrespectfully.

    I had another outting with friends this weekend.
    D didn’t want to miss out again, so while it was his weekend with his son, he forced him to come with me at my outting.
    He said “we can’t be doing only what you want all the time.”
    That is a major feat for D! He never forced his son into anything! Never ever used authority over his son!
    D left early coz his son was bored.
    Then the next day, he tried talking him into coming to his godmother’s birthday dinner.
    He called his mom’s house, and left to go there on his bike.
    D looked at me waiting for me to say something.

    I said “I don’t know, it’s up to you what you do about him, but I feel sad for his godmother never seeing him.”

    I feel inadequate, like I’m only making D feel worse.

    I may have an idea of what the problem might be, but I’m staying away from sharing that. It’s none of my business until D asks.

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 7:41pm

  809. 809: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    803 LiliBee – I’m 100% sure my physical condition is causing the emotional turmoil. I’ve had so many people around me asking where the “old BW” is, and last week, I honestly thought I’d lost her forever!

    I’ve never felt so scared in my life – I honestly thought I had lost my mind. Awful stuff… And I’m not alone – so many other women felt the same way when they came off the drug. Many are still suffering from severe paranoia too – so glad I’m not!!

    My natural tendency is to be positive, and as a close friend reminded me the yesterday, I’ve faced so many huge challenges over the years (bigger than this one), but I was always smiling regardless. She always admired that about me. She said that’s why she was so worried about me this time because it’s not like me to “lose it” like I did during my meltdown last week and the days following.

    In saying all that, I can honestly say that today I feel happy again. It is still tinged with a little bit of sadness from things ending with TH, but overall I just feel positive and excited about what my future may bring!

    I still love him, but it’s becoming more and more clear to me that he just does not have it in him to be what I need him to be. That’s just the way he is, and I am just the way I am. Nobody is “wrong” here. :)

    And I’m kind of looking forward to having him as my special friend too. He’s great to talk to, and it will be wonderful to have that without the stress about where things are going – it’s friends only from now on. Phew!

    I actually feel like a weight has lifted!

    Not sure if that’s this new perspective or if the drug is wearing off more. I think it’s a bit of both…

    I just need to stop thinking about what might have been, because I do feel pangs of sadness in my heart when that happens. Once he moves out though, I know it will be a lot easier, and my new life can BEGIN!

    Already I’ve been invited to a party in a few weeks, and after making sure I didn’t have the kids, I accepted on the spot! It feel freeing to know I can now do that without having to consider anyone else! :)

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 7:48pm

  810. 810: P-lalaNo Gravatar says:


    What a tough situation. I have a friend dealing with a similar one and she’s doing a good job recognizing that her man has taught his children to treat him in such a way by his own passivity. She is choosing to be with him while he works through that, recognizing it on his own, and making changes…all the while, stating what she does not want and that she will not accept to be treated similarly. He learns boundaries by watching her, but she is not teaching him (that would be overly masculine). She has also decided that she will not agree to marry him until the situation is resolved because she deserves a man who can stand up to his own children and lead well.

    I’m not sure that helps, but wanted you to know that you’re not alone.

    Hugs to you.

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 7:52pm

  811. 811: RadloveNo Gravatar says:


    661 – “((((Radlove))))

    It’s social programming to have us feeling weak and incapable of financial stuff. I have it too. We’re full divine adults. Love to you.”

    Thank you so much! You are right! And hugs and love back to you!

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 7:57pm

  812. 812: P-lalaNo Gravatar says:


    I have felt invisible and like a people repellant. As has been mentioned before, it took a lot of self-reflection to understand how I was making people feel in my presence.

    You said that the only people who stick around are the ones who pity you…why do they pity you? Have you ever wondered if everyone would leave if you healed this in yourself?

    I know that I used to think the only way to keep people around was to be a place of needing them to rescue and care for me…I thought that if I healed that they would leave because they wouldn’t get anything from being in relationship with me…as if I had I became a leader, my calendar was filled with people who wanted to take me to lunch, dinner, movies, the gym…anything to just hang out and catch some self-esteem.

    Gosh, that sounds pretty self-important. Things have moderated in the years that followed and but I wanted to let you know that it’s not impossible. You are seen here…you are loved here…you’re going to be OK…I promise.

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 7:57pm

  813. 813: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:


    You are so wise and strong BW.
    You will be just fine :)

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 7:58pm

  814. 814: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    LiliBee, thank you!

    And yeah it must be tough when they have a child who clearly does not respect them. Ick. My girls wouldn’t DARE speak to me like that! I hope D didn’t wash his shirt and told him why!!!

    But until D asks for your opinion, then you really can’t do much. xxxxx

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 8:09pm

  815. 815: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    Here’s my latest with R. This took place around a dinner party at the home of someone at my church.

    R: R U going to b at the dinner?
    I was in a meeting with the pastors at the dinner outside so didn’t respond. R came to the dinner while I was in the meeting, then left about 5 min after he spotted me.
    R: I didn’t leave because of you.
    B: I feel bad.
    R: I said, I didn’t leave because of you.
    B: I can’t help but think it’s because of me. I feel curious, why did you?
    R: I was getting overwhelmed with all the people.
    B: I see. I met with the pastors. It went well. F is going to send an email to his distribution list about my finances.
    R: Cool
    B: When you know the schizophrenia doesn’t want you to have fellowship, and you know it benefits you, if it were me I would press past the discomfort. These people care about you.
    B: And for future, I will be glad to back off and treat you more casually in public if you would feel more comfortable.
    B: (5 min later) What are your thoughts?
    R: Well, I felt sick
    B: I’m sorry to hear that.
    (half hour later)
    B: I wonder why I’m often asked this? “R U going to B at the dinner?”
    (5 min later)
    B: Because every time I hear that, I feel avoided. I don’t like to hear excuses. If you want me to leave our church, just say so.
    B: It just all feels really bad, and I don’t like to be treated like I’m less than.
    (5 min later)
    B: What do you think?
    (35 min later)
    R: I think we should go back to where you leave me alone for a month.
    B: I feel heavy hearted.
    R: I think we need to stop talking to each other.
    B: I guess I’m not very good at not liking you.
    R: What are you talking about?
    B: I’m saying I like you too much.
    B: If I didn’t like you so much, we wouldn’t be having these issues.
    R: Please just leave me alone.
    B: That feels cold.
    B: Such a travesty
    R: Please just leave me alone.
    B: That feels colder.
    B: Such a travesty
    R: Leave me alone
    B: I’m not a fairy tale, R. I’m a real woman with a real beating heart that feels pain. I don’t think you know what to do with a real woman.
    R: What the heck r u talking about?
    B: I thought it would be a travesty if you were doing anything to cause a woman pain. There is, and there always has been, a huge disparity between your words and your actions.
    B: I feel pain when the man I love more than my next heartbeat says “leave me alone” like a broken record.
    R: I can’t take all the problems you cause in my life. I already have enough.
    B: Then please don’t reassure me that it’s okay when I say I don’t want to burden you.
    B: Please excuse me for putting pressure on the relationship in my social clumsiness. But after three and a half years, the love is more than mature and root tendrils have grown into every cell of my being.
    B: I feel clueless as to how to get you out of my heart.
    R: I don’t know, but you are driving me nuts, making me feel terrible over and over again and I don’t want it. It is toxic to me.
    B: The vast majority of what I say is encouraging, positive, and uplifting.
    B: You are so precious to me. I have made a tremendous effort with a lot of time invested to be a positive person who operates with emotional intelligence. We got along fantastically for a solid month. It is natural for two people to have differences now and then.
    R: I just feel like I need time away from you.
    B: Ok

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 8:13pm

  816. 816: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:


    Thank You Plala,

    That feels good to read.
    I feel inspired to respect a woman who respects herself like that by holding to her boundaries.

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 8:14pm

  817. 817: Memulo says:

    Thank you LiliBee! 😉

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 8:16pm

  818. 818: RadloveNo Gravatar says:


    605 – Yes, that is a very good tool for me. Ugh. Really really having a rough week.

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 8:17pm

  819. 819: RadloveNo Gravatar says:


    671 – Thank you!

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 8:18pm

  820. 820: JasmineNo Gravatar says:

    Omg (((((Radlove)))))

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 8:19pm

  821. 821: R.N.AmazingMeNo Gravatar says:

    Good evening sirens…or should I say morning. Wow my schedule is wacky but I send all you sirens positive thoughts! Don’t be too harsh on yourselves, we can make mistakes and learn, grow….heal. You do not have to prove yourself to anyone. It feels freeing to really feel that. Leaning back sooo much does feel like I am in a fog these days but i know it is not so. It is just I am so much more carefree now about all aspects of life because when you finally stop to smell the roses sometimes you just get caught up really seeing the world around you.

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 8:20pm

  822. 822: P-lalaNo Gravatar says:


    Have you ever read “Facing Love Addiction” by Pia Mellody…I found it invaluable in helping me overcome my addiction to receiving affection from the men in my life.

    As I read your text conversation, I feel afraid…for your heart and his. I felt desperate when you continued to pursue and a tightness in my chest when you said that your words were uplifting…I experienced them as desperate and convincing…like your love was trying to consume him. Based on R’s response, I fear that he received your words in a similar way.


    Do you have a friend that you might be able to stay with for a few days while you try to get R out of your system? I think it would be helpful to not be alone and to have someone to hold your phone for you until you are able to control your impulses.

    My heart is full of compassion and sadness…I’m praying for you, for healing and a true understanding of the Truth that R is not the answer to your aching heart, friend. Not today…

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 8:23pm

  823. 823: LiliBeeNo Gravatar says:



    The whole issue is that D shows his love by spending alot of money on us.
    Which means he has to work alot of overtime, and has no time for laundry, and no alone romantic time for me.

    He has his son 1 on 2 weekends. He hasn’t found the time to wash his shirt in 2 weeks. His son has been asking for more than 2 weeks.
    D has done laundry, but I think he’s scared of ruining the shirt coz it’s not a talent of his.

    I haven’t offered to wash it for him, and he hasn’t asked me to. He hasn’t even mentioned it, I just now remembered hearing his son ask weeks ago.

    I told him once already “I do not want to live with a man who will have no time for me and leave me alone at home to do all the chores. I’ve done that, and it felt awful and I felt unappreciated. I want the man to appreciate me by wanting to spend time with me. That to me is worth a million more than material things.”

    So no more overfunctioning for me, by coming to the rescue and washing the ‘d8mn’ shirt.

    If he needs my help, he can ask me how to wash it.
    I’ll be happy to give him washing instructions, but no ‘doing’ for me.
    I have my own place and my own chores to take care of.
    Which I finally did after more than a month of neglect! :)
    I feel good and relaxed in my clean place now :)

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 8:27pm

  824. 824: R.N.AmazingMeNo Gravatar says:

    @815 I am feeling for you sending warm thoughts, that felt really heartbreaking to me. Rejection, and to me it’s like this dude is emotionally punching you in the heart and you just dust yourself off and get back up. You are a strong and very respectable woman and he is not giving you that respect you deserve. Leave him alone if you feel you cannot because you love him too much…you love him more than your own wellbeing. I feel I can say this because I am a first hand experience at this. I do not want you to self sabatoge yourself with that man. Please do not ever rely on his judgement of you over your own. He will put youin a dark place if your not already there and the hardest thing to do is when you lose yourself in someone like that is to find yourself again. Love yourself, trusting yourself, your intuition, all of that you “GAVE” away. YOu have to find all that, meanwhile your self-esteem is suffering too. Tend to your heart, love yourself, I promise you will see what you have been missing.

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 8:36pm

  825. 825: R.N.AmazingMeNo Gravatar says:

    I am here for you RadLove sending you prayers…If you ever want to vent. You are so worth it!

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 8:37pm

  826. 826: MissStixNo Gravatar says:


    I am sending you love and the warmest of hugs! Scream your very guts out into a pillow if you need to, but don’t contact him again.

    I know the urge can be so powerful it could rip you apart…It is the wrong thing to do. No matter how much you want to explain or how badly you want him to know what your feeling.

    Those tendrils so deeply rooted will die off and fade away I promise you. It can be so f***ing painful but you CAN get through it.

    Even the tiny seed knew that it had to be cast into the darkness, and covered in dirt before it could reach for the sun.

    My heart is with you tonite…

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 8:56pm

  827. 827: RebeccaNo Gravatar says:

    Lilibee, RN amazingMe, P-lala

    Thank you! Your kind words and support really help. I feel lifted. I feel I can’t do it on my own. I have been doing it for so long.

    I am sitting here trying to process where all this is coming from. I feel at a loss to know. I guess the first time I remember feeling like this was just after my dad died. Shortly after this my boyfriend left me, I was only just 17 at the time and we used to spend everyday together. He came round my house as normal but that night he finished with me, I was very distraught, which was quite unlike me. I told him i wanted to end my life if he left. It didn’t make any difference and he left me anyway. I don’t think I ever spoke to him again after that night. It was awful.

    Then my best friend started dating someone and suddenly never had time for me. We went from seeing each other everday to not seeing each other at all. And I think what I found sad was as my relationship was splitting up her relationship was taking off. No one cared about me. No one was interested in me. I really felt like I had no friends at the time. Even her boyfriend was my ex-boyfriends best friend. They just seemed to spend more time with him than they did with me. I was completely left in the cold.

    Then my other friend left school and I never saw her again.

    I think I was always seen as the depressing one. Nobody liked me. I felt very alone and left out and ababdoned. I just wanted some attention that was all.

    I remember going home at lunch time because I had noone to sit with in the common room. It was like i was a laughing stock at school, nobody liked me.

    I just don’t feel anything. I feel numb..


    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 8:59pm

  828. 828: RadloveNo Gravatar says:


    822 – Thank you. Yes, that would be really helpful to stay with someone. There are always my pets to consider, tho, and no one could take care of them. I wonder if someone could stay with me? I doubt it.

    That aloneness is part of my problem. I feel ok when I’m around people. I’m alone at home most of the time, an hour from my friends and family except for one, who is 25 min away.

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 9:00pm

  829. 829: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    A 29 year old who used to go to my church just IMed me for quite a while on FB. It surprised me. Usually our brief conversations are around his puppy, my computer, that sort of thing. He was asking all around questions. I don’t think his interest is romantic. But it felt nice that he said we should get together sometime.

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 9:02pm

  830. 830: RebeccaNo Gravatar says:

    I just feel the moment I open up to someone they abandon me… I feel angry about this. It is like they are telling me my feelings are not important, or I am somehow wrong for sayung how i feel… I just can’t ever, ever see myself healing, and that really scares me. I have gone round in circles with this for years… I’ve had so much therapy and none of it has worked. I don’t know what I do to people I really don’t. People break your heart

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 9:04pm

  831. 831: RadloveNo Gravatar says:


    826 – Thank you, I feel understood. So hard to not contact him. I’m not even sure what went wrong last night. I can only guess.

    He’ll be back. He always is.

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 9:04pm

  832. 832: RadloveNo Gravatar says:


    822 – No I haven’t read that book. No offense, because it sounds beneficial. But I feel overwhelmed right now with things on my do list and books and CDs I want to explore.

    I am not saying I was positive at that moment. Obviously I wasn’t. But I think things tend to be multiplied to him with schizophrenia. We had a solid month of positive, wonderful interaction. it’s like he throws all that in the toilet at a moment of tension.

    I’m not going to shove all the issues under the rug like his mommy does.

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 9:07pm

  833. 833: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    Amazing Me, FC,

    Thank you for your love and support. I am really floundering.

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 9:08pm

  834. 834: RadloveNo Gravatar says:


    672 – Thank you! What a sweet thing to say!

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 9:09pm

  835. 835: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    I am fully equipped to release any condition no longer appropriate in my life. I release them now and I am safe.

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 9:10pm

  836. 836: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    What’s wrong with me?

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 9:36pm

  837. 837: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    (((Radlove))) – I know I’ve said this to you before, and I recognise it clear as day cos I’ve done it… but from what I saw in that conversation, you were at him and at him and at him.

    Look at how many times you messaged him, compared to the number of times he messaged you.

    He is mentally ill, TH is not. TH would not handle me going at him like that (and he didn’t – he ended it!), so how can R possibly be able to handle the pressure he is feeling?

    I just want to hug you and hold your arms down, every time you even feel tempted to text that man because it seems that you end up feeling hurt each and every time.

    Yes, be open and inviting when he reaches out, but instead of being inviting, you’re trying to drag him closer – against his will. And he’s naturally retreating.

    His words state that there is nothing apart from friendship between the two of you, despite what he may have said in the past. And he is clearly resisting any reference you make to “love”. Why? Because you’re dragging him where he’s not ready to go.

    Time to lean back now and let him come to you, because as I’ve also said a gazillion times, YOU are the prize. NOT him. Got it???

    I honestly hope I’m not coming across as harsh, and I am only responding based on how I have been with TH and my own experiences. I know you know this too, and every time you reach out, you know he steps back.

    Nothing has changed, and nothing WILL change until you change what you’re doing.

    Sending lots and lots of love and compassion your way.


    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 9:40pm

  838. 838: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    I feel so weak

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 9:40pm

  839. 839: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    823 LiliBee – Go you! Yeah it’s a tough one. But omg my girls would not DARE speak to me that way. EVER!

    And that would be the moment I’d say to my son, “You wash the d8mn shirt if you’re going to be rude and disrespectful about it!”. lol

    Aaah well. And you know what’s funny?? TH used to spend a LOT of money on me too, although he didn’t have to work extra hours to do it – it’s just how he showed his affection I suppose… Funny how D and TH have some similar quirks!

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 9:44pm

  840. 840: RadloveNo Gravatar says:


    837 – Yikes, I know what you say is true. Why do I do that? Aaaaahhhh!

    If only I had the strength to truly walk away. But i think I’d only have the strength if I had another love in my life.

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 9:45pm

  841. 841: RadloveNo Gravatar says:


    Can I do damage control? Pweasie?

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 9:46pm

  842. 842: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    Damage control! Damage control!

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 9:55pm

  843. 843: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    Radlove, I think you do it because somewhere deep down inside, you still do not believe you are the prize.

    And like I said to you on FB, damage control will cause more damage!!! :)

    Ok, so what to do…

    You KNOW that by leaning forward you will do more damage, right? I think that intellectually you totally get it. But there is some urge inside you that just sabotages your efforts.

    Why don’t you try this? You’re a fantastic writer, so why don’t you open up a blank word document and write about what your ideal day would look like, including the traits of your ideal partner (who, by the way, may not be called “R”!), and the things you will do together…

    And once you’ve finished that, why not read a chapter of a book you’ve been meaning to read for a while?

    And once you’ve finished that, listen to one of Rori’s CDs….

    etc etc etc

    Time to keep yourself distracted girl, so you might as well distract yourself with stuff that’s positive and will help you to grow.


    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 10:36pm

  844. 844: TamNo Gravatar says:

    (((((Radlove))))..oh I don’t know what to say. I feel sad reading that exchange between R and reminds me of a time in my life when I did something similar with a man and it just totally backfired….oh, I hope you can get out of that vicious cycle soon.

    (((Ruth))) thank you for sharing your story. I wonder, are you healing/healed now? Because I know my issues now, finally, but I have trouble healing them, it is like they raise their ugly head in just those moments when I can least deal with them. Pff

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 11:31pm

  845. 845: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Radlove, I believe the best damage control for both of you would be to do nothing, if you can.

    Wednesday, 1 August 2012 @ 11:38pm

  846. 846: ruthNo Gravatar says:

    BW, you are an inspiration
    Radlove, I just want to hire a plane an get you out of there!

    Tam-I am not healed but i will get there one day

    Thursday, 2 August 2012 @ 12:05am

  847. 847: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    Goodmorning tam, We always seem to meet in the morning lol.

    I’m off to have my hair and mails done before I go to the wedding . I can’t wait to feel feminine and pretty.

    Thursday, 2 August 2012 @ 12:09am

  848. 848: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    Ruth, good morning sorry I fell asleep last night.

    Thank you for sharing your story. In roris e book I read that it was important to write about things so we can heal as this unlocks more than thinking about our experiences. I wonder if your not comfortable writing things here which I understand, if you keep a journal?


    Thursday, 2 August 2012 @ 12:13am

  849. 849: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    I feel so thrilled I spent money on myself

    My experiment to do the frivolous thing and call a cab

    And u fit the voices ‘no you will regret it’

    And I reminded it was an experiment

    And I felt anxious

    And now that I did I felt happy and thinking back on it I feel supported and uplifted and thankful


    Thank you for the experiment

    I will treat myself extravagantly fearlessly

    Thursday, 2 August 2012 @ 12:16am

  850. 850: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    I feel sick

    I feel ugh face ‘thizz face’

    I feel cool

    I feel curious what cool feels like

    I feel powerful

    I feel smooth

    I feel flowy

    I felt ‘connected’ the way I do when I’m part of a group

    Being by myself by pretending there were other group members there like in my memory

    And I felt it!

    It felt awesome

    Right now I feel tense about the mosquito

    I want to heal that

    I don’t want to feel tense

    Thursday, 2 August 2012 @ 12:23am

  851. 851: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    My feet feel tired

    A foot massage would feel awesome

    Thursday, 2 August 2012 @ 12:25am

  852. 852: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    ‘damage control’ is only ‘control’

    That does more damage, unfortunately

    It helps me numb out and get out of the heart

    I don’t want to do that

    In the moment it feels so compelling, like holding back on spending does

    And holding back is damaging

    Stop and choose is my choice

    W this experiment more evidence that I can trust my impulses around money

    I can trust myself!

    ‘the money will go down to zero’

    To stop that is to ‘cobtrol’ money

    I don’t have to control money

    I just can be open to receive money

    And I am ok and happy without money

    Money loves to spend time around me

    I have lots of cash notes in my bag right now

    I feel fruitful

    I feel sleepy

    Thursday, 2 August 2012 @ 12:36am

  853. 853: TamNo Gravatar says:

    Hello Smile!!

    Oooh, you have a wedding, that will be fun!


    Thursday, 2 August 2012 @ 12:38am

  854. 854: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Candles feel healing for my eyes


    Thursday, 2 August 2012 @ 12:38am

  855. 855: Dancing SirenNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Sirens,

    Ironing, drinking coffee.

    My Mum is going to help me today because I asked for some help!

    Also I will cancel and appointment tomorrow if I need to to make my schedule dealable.

    Going to work in the pub in a bit but S is taking a day off.

    Everything is going to be ok.

    Thursday, 2 August 2012 @ 1:27am

  856. 856: Dancing SirenNo Gravatar says:

    Feeling a little low energy icky.

    Having icky thoughts about that some of the staff were going to the pub last night and wondering whether S joined them for drinks.

    I know! I have to stop that.

    Have just had to e-mail a client who had paid for a course and wanted a refund. My business is quite new and I have never had this situation before. She had paid for the course and had the first lesson and said she had changed her mind because of her childcare arrangments. I offered several alternate times and days plus a solution where the child could play in another room, however she said no.

    I was going to pay her today when I got paid from my other jobs, however my bills have come out and I simply don’t have any money left.

    There is no other way for me to get the money, its quite a substantial amount. The only loans available to me at this time would have an interest rate of 250%, even if I did get accepted I am not willing to do this!

    I am just getting myself out of debt, and have just scraped by avoiding bankcuptcy, bu I cannot afford this, and there is not enough money in my business for this yet either.

    I realise I should probably have done things differently, and there are not many options available to you when you are in debt and juggling EVERYTHING to get out of it!

    So anyway I wrote her and told her that I cannot afford to pay her back now, however I can either carry over the money until the Autumn, or I will be able to pay her back at a later date.

    This doesn’t feel good.

    And I feel so fed up of trying so hard and still not managing.

    Anyway I’ve just put down the iron to type this and now I am going to go get ready for my pub shift.

    Not feeling great.


    Thursday, 2 August 2012 @ 2:42am

  857. 857: RadloveNo Gravatar says:


    843 – Very practical, excellent idea! Thanks!

    Thursday, 2 August 2012 @ 4:03am

  858. 858: RadloveNo Gravatar says:


    846 – Thanks! I’ll fly far far away!

    Thursday, 2 August 2012 @ 4:05am

  859. 859: RadloveNo Gravatar says:


    844 – Thanks! Hugs back to you!

    Thursday, 2 August 2012 @ 4:06am

  860. 860: RadloveNo Gravatar says:


    852 – True about damage control.

    Thursday, 2 August 2012 @ 4:09am

  861. 861: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    ((dancing siren)) I’m am imagining your bank account overflowing with money for you, stay positive

    Thursday, 2 August 2012 @ 4:21am

  862. 862: SmileNo Gravatar says:

    Radlove, how are you feeling today?

    Thursday, 2 August 2012 @ 4:24am

  863. 863: RadloveNo Gravatar says:

    Dancing Siren,

    856 – I think it will work out. What I’m realizing is that no matter how stressed I am over money, if I can’t pay s