Are You High Strung? So?

attentionHere’s the definition of “high strung”:

Adj. 1. high-strung – being in a tense state
jumpy, nervy, overstrung, restive, uptight, edgy, highly strung, jittery, tense – in or of a state of physical or nervous tension

To me, this was the worst.

I did NOT want to be this “tense, jumpy, uptight woman I thought I was.”

And then….something interesting occurred.

I ADORE the author Richard Bach. His Jonathan Livingston Seagull” is my “bible,” has been for more than 30 years, and I’ve read everything else he’s ever written – Illusions, One, The Bridge Across Forever, the ferret books and the airplane books….

And – what I wanted for myself was the marriage he talks about in One and Bridge Across Forever…the real marriage he had with Leslie Parrish, that he described in his books from the beginning to their soaring, incredibly powerful and intimate moments together – the depths in which they worked together and lived and loved together.

And then they got divorced.

I was broken-hearted. Shocked. As though the framework for my entire personal and spiritual life had cracked.

And, though neither of them said much about it at all, it destroyed his fame, made him suspect among his fans like me, and brought up real stuff.

Like – the descriptions I found of Leslie as “high strung.”

Now – I NEVER, from the books, would have described her that way. She seems forthright, firm, strong, emotionally deep, expressive and responsive.

And – it occurred to me – no matter what Richard thought, or anyone else thought about anything – if Leslie could wear the title “high strung” out in public, even if it wasn’t “true” (whatever that is where a judgment and label is concerned) – so could I.

So – I accepted myself as “high strung” too.

And then I went about breathing into myself, loving myself, forgiving myself – and the tension started to melt.

Once I noticed it, where it was, and how it could be seen and felt as my “vibe” – I didn’t “judge” it, the way I once would have, or got defensive about it, or decide it didn’t exist, or was or wasn’t true – I just loved the part of me that surely WAS tense, perhaps high-strung, and let her be.

Just let her be.

I proudly would have put the name tag on myself of “high-strung” if that’s what someone handed me.

So – now I wear a hundred nametags.

Whatever I once accused myself of and tried to “fix” – I now just “wear.”

And I do what I always do, I breathe and forgive myself for even THINKING there could be something “wrong” or “bad” in whatever nametag I “think” (or someone ELSE thinks) I “wear.”

I love my nametags, and I love YOUR nametags – and if you’d like to FEEL more relaxed, less tense – the way to do that is to notice, breathe, forgive, and move from judgment to curiosity.

Channel that energy that goes into punishing yourself and use it to uplift yourself.

As you uplift yourself, you uplift everyone and everything around you, and love flows in.

Love, Rori

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980 Comments to “Are You High Strung? So?”

  1. 1: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    high strung – no

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 7:30am

  2. 2: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Gotta go back and read that book. I read it during my high school years.

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 7:30am

  3. 3: TiffanyNo Gravatar says:

    Whoo, a new post! I never get in this early! :)

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 7:33am

  4. 4: TiffanyNo Gravatar says:

    A comment about Abraham from the previous thread really spoke to me, and I think it’s relevant here:

    “Nothing needs to be fixed. Everything is unfolding perfectly.”

    Mmmm….

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 7:39am

  5. 5: Cat BlueNo Gravatar says:

    Haha! Very apt!

    Highly strung – YES definitely!!

    YES I should / could just wear it well!

    I think I am going to try this…

    This article resonates with me…

    Thank you Rori

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 7:46am

  6. 6: Cat BlueNo Gravatar says:

    …I think my feelings of being highly strung come from my fear of missing out, so I want to try EVERYTHING and I get all panicky and lots of knots in my tummy ALL the time…

    I feel very stressed…

    Ahhhh……

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 7:50am

  7. 7: siren songNo Gravatar says:

    yep, i am high strung!

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 7:52am

  8. 8: TiffanyNo Gravatar says:

    This week, in my CoDA group, we were talking about “caretaking” – about that thing where you pay more attention to someone else’s feelings than your own. And you “take care” of them to try and “fix” their stuff. But really you are just trying to manage yourself – through them.

    Well, I am struggling with that with Jc right now.

    Because I expressed some feelings, or at least I thought I did, and he swept them aside. And he’s done it before. Not in a mean way. Just dismissive. And then he went on to tell me how HE was feeling. And I *wanted* to know how he felt. I knew that was lurking in the background. It felt good to know. But still I thought, “why am I now paying attention to *his* feelings when mine are so strong, and I really wanted some attention on them?” (I gave myself attention, of course, but still…)

    And I had to keep telling myself, “don’t fix. There is nothing to fix…”

    But I still need to say *something.* I feel a need to take a stand for myself.

    So I’m composing an email. And I am hoping that it is not too blamey. Funny, I find the line between FMs and blameys to be very thin, in places. Because if I felt such-and-such when he did or said x and y, how can I not mention that? Argh. I don’t want to make him wrong….but I don’t want to make him 100% right, either.

    Also, there’s been a yellow flag with him. He’s mentioned in the past that some women were “dishonest” with him, or that they were “lunatics.” It’s always bothered me when he says these things, and I’ve tried to discourage it. When he says it, it’s always with the sense of “that’s them, not you.” But I know guys, and I know if I guy thinks that about other women, then it can turn on a dime, and any woman can fill that space. Which is exactly *why* I haven’t become too attached to him….

    Funny, though. When he said that about the “lunatics,” I said, “Yes, and I am a total lunatic. I like to think it works in my favor…”

    To which he replied, “Lunacy is cute on you.” :)

    Which is great. But things were all good then. Now he is out of sorts. And look how much real estate on the blog I am giving to a guy I’ve never met!

    I am so amazed that so much has come out of a simple email exchange, and a message that he sent me, on a whim. I can’t believe the levels of intimacy that we’ve shared, and maybe it’s just a lot. Maybe I am getting stressed by this, too. And I don’t want to be.

    I want it to be free and easy and fun. I want to waterwheel him – have the goodness coming back to me and pouring all over me…I don’t need to keep giving him my good stuff when he’s not giving me much back in return. urgh.

    Boys.

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 7:53am

  9. 9: TiffanyNo Gravatar says:

    yes, and I can affirm that I am high-strung, too. Only i am sneaky high-strung. I have a war inside myself sometimes between the super-cool, relaxed, chill, always-together me, and the nervous, anxious, anything-could-go-wrong-any-minute-and-it-has worrier. Could I change that “worrier” to “warrior”? Like Xena, Warrior Princess? Hm….:)

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 7:57am

  10. 10: lkNo Gravatar says:

    @Tiffany 8

    I don’t want to date “Boys” lol : )

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 8:08am

  11. 11: TiffanyNo Gravatar says:

    I am having a weird day. It feels like no one (none of my CDs) is responding to me. I feel ignored. Invisible. Unimportant…

    I don’t like this.

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 8:30am

  12. 12: TiffanyNo Gravatar says:

    @lk – yeah, me neither!

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 8:33am

  13. 13: Cat BlueNo Gravatar says:

    Tiffany this totally resonates with me, and I feel like I find myself in these sorts of situations a lot..

    “Because I expressed some feelings, or at least I thought I did, and he swept them aside. And he’s done it before. Not in a mean way. Just dismissive. And then he went on to tell me how HE was feeling. And I *wanted* to know how he felt. I knew that was lurking in the background. It felt good to know. But still I thought, “why am I now paying attention to *his* feelings when mine are so strong, and I really wanted some attention on them?” (I gave myself attention, of course, but still…)”

    How do you feel about this?

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 8:37am

  14. 14: Cat BlueNo Gravatar says:

    Also, are you sure he hasn’t swept aside your feelings in a mean way?

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 8:38am

  15. 15: Cat BlueNo Gravatar says:

    Feel free to tell me to mind my own business! :)

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 8:39am

  16. 16: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Tiffany,

    RE: #8-9 – I really relate to what you say. I am always trying to find the right balance with Ryan. His thing is so deep, and I find it fulfilling to deal with because spiritual encouragement helps him, and spiritual things are my favorite topic.

    Yet my big issues are depression and loneliness, and just because of the area of relationships being so closely tied in, I guess it’s not appropriate to address with him. Because my loneliness is intense and needy. I want to accuse him, “You’re starving me for attention! Of course I feel needy and lonely!” Yet I know that is not his job. And I have to deal with myself. And that if I discuss my issues everything goes haywire with him.

    So I guess for me, saying, “I feel lonely” is not cool. Even tho it’s my gut level, bottom line truth. And not being able to say that leaves me feeling lonelier still.

    I love what you said about changing from a worrier to a warrior! Did you make that up?

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 8:52am

  17. 17: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Anyway, yesterday and today my loneliness is raging, and I am lonely for Ryan, not just human company.I feel stuck. I feel stuck. I feel stuck. I feel stuck.

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 8:58am

  18. 18: lkNo Gravatar says:

    @Brenda

    Hm… when i have the feeling of “waiting” for a man… or being Lonely For Him…. i sometimes do a Count-Down on a calendar where i put a date down for 90 days away & then mark the days…. so it feels very Sacred & Special. & i promise myself that if i get to that day, & still feel like he is Special & Necessary to me, then i will contact him & tell him all my feelings.

    in the in-between, i focus on meeting new people & being my best self & accomplishing my goals.

    but i’ve never once reached the day & still wanted to do anything about it : )

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 9:06am

  19. 19: lkNo Gravatar says:

    & until i get to The Day, i promise myself No Contact & i tell the man i can’t be with him 1-on-1 & i minimize incidental contact (like prayer meetings, etc.) & just smile & don’t allow “intimate” conversation beyond what i would engage in with a casual friend

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 9:08am

  20. 20: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    LK,

    I will use the calendar idea, but you are a stronger woman than me. I’d be doing good to cover three days right now.

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 9:10am

  21. 21: SpiralNo Gravatar says:

    I lamented to my sister once that I felt like I was a “crazy woman”. She replied, “Yeah, but it works for you. Own it!” LOL

    Also, recently a guy told me I was “difficult”. I said, “Yes, I am. I’m not going to make it easy on you. You’ve got to earn me, honey.” :)

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 9:13am

  22. 22: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Spiral says ““Yes, I am. I’m not going to make it easy on you. You’ve got to earn me, honey.”

    I am wondering how I would respond (just for practice) “thank you but I think of myself as picky because I know what I want. Muah”

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 9:18am

  23. 23: Cat BlueNo Gravatar says:

    This is going to sound like a judgement, but in my experience *men* are very selfish.

    My ex-boyfriend was. He would talk and talk about himself like I barely existed. Even when I stood up for myself he just looked shocked – like he couldn’t believe he was doing anything wrong.

    He would constantly berate me for NOT listening to him.

    However, I did *notice* that he was like this with his friends as well. So I figured it was just a pattern with him.

    To this day I DON’T think it was malicious – BUT it wasn’t RIGHT for me.

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 9:18am

  24. 24: Cat BlueNo Gravatar says:

    I am so highly strung. I can’t concentrate on anything…

    I feel I have Attention Deficit Disorder… I DRIVE myself crazy…

    I can NEVER stick to doing ONE thing at a time!

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 9:20am

  25. 25: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Cat Blue with guys like that I now say “I feel like a talking pole. Sometimes I can’t even get a word in edgewise”.

    Sometimes I might put my hand up and ask “can I say something please”. This tend to get the guy’s attention.

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 9:22am

  26. 26: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    That was beautiful, Rori. I feel moved. I can defintely feel “high strung” at times, and that’s okay!

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 9:23am

  27. 27: Cat BlueNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Feminewoman, thank you for your advice.

    I did try that, and he acknowledged that he would *try* harder to pay more attention to me, but it just wasn’t there.

    In the end I realised how hard he was *trying* – you would see the expression in his face crunch up as he tried very hard to listen to me.

    BUT I realised the issue was with me. He was offering me the best he could BE but the problem was I wanted MORE. So I moved on..

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 9:28am

  28. 28: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    A case of “what you resist, persists”?

    So, yeah, call me highly strung, demanding, fantastic, beautiful, ugly, sly, witty…anything at all.

    The great ‘I AM’ is all those things. It’s fantastic for being an actress…fluidly wearing each thing… none of them sticking.

    Like the rose petal soft sand fairy dust shores to which no man, no label, no emotion gets trapped.

    Flowing to and fro and between……
    Endless mystery, fun, fascination…….

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 9:29am

  29. 29: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    I am high strung about a lot of things. CF accepts this about me. He has actually noticed when I’m fighting with myself over having high strung feelings/correcting myself when I get upset with him, and he tells me I’m allowed to have feelings, and reminds me when it’s all over that he accepts me from toe to head. It feels nice.
    I think it helps that most of the time I am not blaming him for my feelings. So I’m enjoying total acceptance.
    Sometimes he takes it really personally when I get high strung, though, which is a combination of work he needs to do and me needing to control my trigger responses a little better.

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 9:31am

  30. 30: Cat BlueNo Gravatar says:

    I think that *one* thing that I try to remember is sometimes it takes people a while to *get* me… (male and female) And I say SO WHAT?

    What we don’t know we are wary of, and quickly pass judgement.. rightly or wrongly. It is hard to stay curious and open when our back is against the wall..and someone is coming at us with new opinions and a new ideas.. Not sure if this makes sense?!

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 9:39am

  31. 31: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Sirens, do you remember last week when MyGuy emailed me saying he’d like to apologize to me in person, and I didn’t want to see him so I wrote back and told him I was sorry too and as far as I was concerned, I forgave him, and i don’t want to be in touch and I wish him all the happiness in the world?

    That was probably the 4th time I had said as much to him since August.

    Well, he wrote me again today, telling me it seems like I don’t forgive him. I don’t get it. How are you going to write me over and over saying you just want to apologize, and when I won’t meet up with you, give me a huge guilt trip and try to bait me into talking? I said over and over that i forgive him, even when he was saying he hates me because I won’t get back with him. I have been so loving and peaceful towards this man. I just don’t. want. to. get. back. together.

    Here is his letter. What do I do? I already said no a bazillion times, and I said I forgive him. I thought he was so gung ho on apologizing, and I said it’s okay I forgive him, no need to meet to tell me how sorry you are. but now I see he wants to rope me into drama, I think:

    “You say you don’t want to be in touch with me and that really hurts. The thing that I keep on thinking of, is that I can’t understand how things got so bad between us. I honestly don’t think that we could be together in a romantic way again, that boat sailed, and I’m good with that. But I still see you as an amazing person who I care about very much. I truly have respected your wishes to not have contact for a long time, hoping that over time any bad feelings that we might have had for each other would wither and we could talk. Hearing that you don’t want to be in touch really spells out for me that I have done something horrible, or that I am something horrible that you really have no wish to even to talk to, and that I am not forgiven.

    It’s not that I’m so conceited that I can’t tolerate someone not liking me, or not wanting to have anything to do with me, I can be good with that. But not understanding why really consumes me. I think about you a lot, every day in fact. And when I do, I get scared, because I fell in love, and knew so strongly in my heart and my head that we were meant to be together. You made me feel so good, but then things fell apart in such a bad way, that I feel hopeless. I don’t think I’ll ever find a woman who was more perfectly suited for me than you, and that you don’t even want to speak to me feels devastating for more reasons than I’ll bother to type to you.

    I just want to talk Starla. If you really don’t want to talk to me, at all, then would you please try to give me sort of explanation of why it is that you don’t want to talk to me. Even if I don’t agree with what you have to say, at least I’ll know why it is we can’t be in touch, and maybe I can just put “us” behind me. As it is now I’m really torn. I am doing great in every other aspect of my life, I’m successful in work, in school, and in just about everything else I’ve been up to lately. But this thing between us is still unresolved. I just want to fix that. Let me know your thoughts.”

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 9:39am

  32. 32: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    “She seems forthright, firm, strong, emotionally deep, expressive and responsive”.

    I wonder if men see women as high strung when they embody these characteristics?

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 9:40am

  33. 33: Cat BlueNo Gravatar says:

    Ooh and equally vice versa… I have judged too.
    BUT hay-ho life goes on..

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 9:41am

  34. 34: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Maybe I should write back,
    Hi MyGuy, sorry for the huge misunderstanding — I really meant it when I said “everything is okay,” and “I forgive you,” and “you haven’t done anything horribly wrong”!! I kept saying those three things hoping you’d believe me, but I can see you didn’t digest any of that. Please take my word for it.

    Or I could write back,
    I thought you wanted to apologize. I guess you just want to do drama. You suck and this is why i don’t ever want to talk to you, even as a friend.

    Or I could say nothing, since I said a bazillion times everything is okay, I just don’t want to talk.

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 9:44am

  35. 35: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    He said “I truly have respected your wishes to not have contact for a long time, hoping that over time any bad feelings that we might have had for each other would wither and we could talk.”

    Not true. he’s contacted me about a dozen times, and I either ignored it completely, or told him I didn’t want to be in touch.

    This guy sucks. Leave me alone!!!!!!

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 9:48am

  36. 36: MelNo Gravatar says:

    I would generally not describe myself as high-strung. I tend to be super easy-going and sort of go-with-the-flowy. However… I would say that I am really sensitive. In the past, when I felt sensitive about something, I kept it all inside… which may have translated into me appearing high-strung. Now that I am learning to express myself well, things just seem to flow away from me like the outgoing tide.

    A perfect example… Mr. A was saying that his son’s behavior seems to worsen when I’m around (he’s ADHD). He said that he can see his son “competing for attention.” I felt a little knot form in my tummy. This felt bad to hear. I don’t want to create weird dynamics. I don’t want to be the cause of misbehavior. I normally would have let this fester, or stayed away so as not to cause “problems,” but instead, I said quietly… “Um… I feel bad hearing that. I don’t want to get in the way or be unwelcome.”

    He came over, looked me in the eyes and said “No, Mel… I never want you to think you are unwelcome. I want you here. He wants you here. It’s just a dynamic to be aware of. You being here makes me so incredibly happy.” Then he gave me a big kiss.

    It’s the letting out of the little worries, fears and sensitivities that keeps us from being high-strung, I think.

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 9:49am

  37. 37: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Starla it is my feeling that he is missing you. He might even want to move on to another relationship but can’t – like Lilybelle’s guy. Also I am sure that you understand by now that when you don’t want a guy it seems that is the receipe to have them wanting you. He says in his gut he feels you were perfect for him. Remember that is not an everyday occurence for most of us and that when guys feel that and want relationships they will cast themselves into danger to get what they want. He, I believe, is acting out of his fear. My understanding from a lot of guys is that they believe there is this one girl out there that can make them happy and they live to connect with this one girl. If he believes that you are that one girl I can imagine him being fearful that the rest of his life will be miserable. I had one guy say something similar to me, after going in and out of my life for over 20 years. He left me for another girl and the marriage did not last, she threw him out. He told me he told her that she was wicked because “she stole another woman’s man and did not want him”.

    His letter also suggest that he personalizes things so I am not convinced you can say anything to change his mind. He will try to pick your logic apart. This is just my impression.

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 9:51am

  38. 38: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    This was what I said to him last week:
    Hi MyGuy, thank you for thinking to apologize to me for last time, and I just wanted to let you know it’s all okay as far as I’m concerned. I am sorry, too, for any time I was less than kind to you. While I don’t want to be in touch, I truly wish nothing but good, wonderful, amazing things for you, from the bottom of my heart, because you deserve it. Take nice care,
    Starla

    Like seriously….leave me alone, guy. I tried the nice route, and I meant it, but he is pushing it.

    I don’t want to psychoanalyze, but he was raised by a cult (yes, a cult) with a serious disciplinary side, and I have often felt that he pushed until he’s being scolded by me, because he was raised to VALUE harsh discipline. It feels awful and tricky to be in this position.

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 9:52am

  39. 39: FrancescaNo Gravatar says:

    FW, that’s a good question. Then I must be high-strung, which I know I am.

    But my man is ok with that, I’m not.

    I wish I was calmer, softer, more “flowy” and that I could speak my mind in a sirenyn way instead of mirroring his boy energy all the time.

    It’s like I want to compete.

    Got to give that up.

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 9:53am

  40. 40: lkNo Gravatar says:

    ooh i feel a little magical today : )

    also, a little heavy & tired-eyed (o)_(0)

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 9:55am

  41. 41: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    By the way Starla when my guy kept calling me and sending gifts I just kept saying “I have moved on with my life and I believe you should do the same. I know I am worthy of the best so I am not in any hurry to rush into a relationship with anyone because I know that anyone who gets me will wake up every morning feeling like he is the luckiest man alive. I have a lot to offer and so I am going to honor myself”. He eventually stopped calling.

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 9:55am

  42. 42: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    last time he said “I’m really sorry about all the bad things that happened between us, especially the last time we crossed paths. I never wanted to act like that. I have more apologizing to do, and I would really like to talk to you.”

    Um, guy, you’re acting like that again.

    I feel like he’ll only act decent if I’m giving him what he wants. He only apologizes when it means he’ll get what he wants. It’s. really. annoying.

    CF would NEVER pull this sh*t on me.

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 9:56am

  43. 43: Cat BlueNo Gravatar says:

    Gosh, saying all that has made me sound / feel like I am a really cold person.. Heartless maybe? I don’t WANT to be like that.

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 9:57am

  44. 44: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    “he was raised to VALUE harsh discipline”

    If that is the case then he would find it attractive, is what I believe.

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 9:58am

  45. 45: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    I see serious problems with this guy. If I’m so perfect and wonderful, why did he tell me no repeatedly and then shut off his phone when I was attacked on the street and called him to come to me? And when I wanted to go for a hike outside the city to get away from the triggering city environment that i was just attacked in, did he show up at 6 am to tell me i’m not allowed to go? Why did he refuse to hug me when I was so triggered I couldn’t stop crying, and I’d just beg for a hug? Why did he dump me by unfriending me on facebook without a word, and then harass me months later for not chasing after him? Why when every time I didn’t accept his last minute invitations or make other plans when he didn’t confirm any time or anything, did he dump me on the spot?

    Enough is enough is enough is enough.

    And ohhh how awful I treated him for all of it, because I could never fully walk away. It was the wrong relationship for me. being with him showed me how much work I had to do on myself. He was Dorothea’s last boyfriend.

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 10:02am

  46. 46: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Mel my guess is that the son senses the love from his father going towards and it might cause some stress for him. He might just need some reassurance that your presence will not take away from what he has with his dad.

    Also honestly I really despise those ADHD labels they put on kids. It is my belief that those things result from diet and the advanced technological environment. But that is my belief.

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 10:02am

  47. 47: Cat BlueNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Starla, it sounds like you really *don’t* like this guy. I can hear in your tone how much he is annoying you. I don’t know the history of what he did to you but could you try being *honest* with him – IT sounds to me like you are pacifying him – AND not TELLING him the truth when he’s asking you if he did anything wrong.

    You seem very angry with him so he is obviously unleashing some pretty powerful feelings in you.

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 10:07am

  48. 48: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Starla I remember you and how you used to write about that situation. I am not sure I would encourage you to keep in contact with him.

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 10:09am

  49. 49: lkNo Gravatar says:

    @Starla

    that’s funny : ) my ex from high school/college that i dated for 3 years just contacted me over the weekend wanting to get lunch…

    hmmm it will feel really interesting to discuss this with CD…. i feel curious about what he will think

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 10:09am

  50. 50: MelNo Gravatar says:

    FW,

    Yes, I agree. This weekend it was just the 3 of us. But I have noticed that when his sister is also around, his behavior seems to improve with my presence. Having the extra adult around to give him attention (rather than him having to compete with his sister for dad’s attention) he seems to be more content. But I guess with just the 3 of us, I turned into competition. Funny.

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 10:09am

  51. 51: Cat BlueNo Gravatar says:

    Mel – I guess when you go out with someone who has children these issues will occur. I think it is very sweet that he is taking care of his son’s interests – by making sure you are aware of them. Sounds good to me – a very thoughtful father.

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 10:11am

  52. 52: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Cat Blue, I am angry because we’ve been over this more than once since August. I told him what the deal was when he came back to me 2 months after dumping me by unfriending me without a word on facebook. I thought everything was resolved. Then I ran into him one night and he asked for me to give him another chance. I said no. he said he hates me and sped off in his car. He left me standing there alone at 2 am in the middle of a bad neighborhood.

    Even then, he kept contacting me, and i just said, hey don’t beat yourself up, it’s all okay, i understand how hard these things are, i just don’t want to be in touch.

    but nothing is enough, it seems.

    So yeah, i’m starting to get angry, because i feel like he won’t rest until I’m back to being angry and mean, like how i used to be with him.

    I don’t do “mean” anymore.

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 10:11am

  53. 53: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Mel I also imagine that he might be having mommy issues. Kids tend to find it difficult to let their parent allow someone else in their life. I get that sense from my son. He is laser focussed on guys who come around me, I guess because of his protective male instincts. But truly, for the most part, his assessment of their personality is spot on.

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 10:13am

  54. 54: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    FW, I am sooo doing my damnedest to not be in touch with him. I’m not sure what else to do except ignore him. maybe that’s what i’ll do.

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 10:15am

  55. 55: GoodheartNo Gravatar says:

    Starla, tell him you’re pregnant.

    That should do the trick :-)

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 10:18am

  56. 56: MelNo Gravatar says:

    FW:
    Mr. A has told me repeatedly how much his son likes me. He said I had “favorable reviews” and he was impressed at how well he responded to me. I also feel like his son and I get along well, we have a similar sense of humor, sometimes gang up on his dad together, etc. lol

    Perhaps he’s having “mommy issues,” but to me it doesn’t appear to be the case. Who knows though. I don’t feel too concerned about it.

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 10:19am

  57. 57: GoodheartNo Gravatar says:

    Sorry, that was a bad joke, but I actually had to do that once to get a guy to leave me alone.

    Worked like a charm.

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 10:19am

  58. 58: lkNo Gravatar says:

    @Starla

    this guy & i have had ongoing conflict about maintaining contact after our relationship. i couldn’t do it when the break-up was fresh (he wasn’t respectful of my new relationship) but then sometimes i did go to meet with him when i was dating HT but i haven’t seen Jx since HT & I broke up…

    it always feels like re-opening a wound…. tears & “why we broke up” chatter comes……… but i don’t feel that way or wonder about that……. but i think i prefer to chance a re-wounding for the opportunity of miracle healing : )

    so i do want to go & meet him for lunch. it could be Difficult or Dramatic but it could be Nice & Calming & Restorative : )

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 10:20am

  59. 59: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/attraction/is-pulling-flak-your-way-of-getting-attention/
    Flower Child 77,
    RE: #316 from above thread:
    “Brenda…do you think that maybe you are expecting too much of yourself in this situation?
    I know how deeply you feel about Ryan and I’m wondering if it’s really possible for you to be truly authentic and still insist that it’s fine with you to “just be friends.”
    Feelings
    I’m
    Not
    Expressing
    Are you willing to do anything to keep him in some part of your life—even if it means being disingenuous to/with yourself?”
    FlowerChild, I found out Aerosmith had a different acrostic for “FINE”:

    Fu(ked up
    Insecure
    Neurotic and
    Emotional

    Where I’m concerned with Ryan, BOTH acrostics apply, LOL!

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 10:20am

  60. 60: GoodheartNo Gravatar says:

    “It’s the letting out of the little worries, fears and sensitivities that keeps us from being high-strung, I think.”

    I love this, Mel.

    I so agree & am learning, little by little, to do this.

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 10:24am

  61. 61: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Mel I believe they have internal conflicts about having a parent replaced especially when they are trying to find themselves. My daughter who is 14 seem to be okay with possibility of me having someone permanently in my life. My son who is a year younger, on the other is ambivalent. He goes back and forth. Sometimes it is really interesting the comments he makes after sitting aside and listening to conversations and watching the dynamics between myself and different guys. In one instance he said one guy was “empty headed”. This is the guy who keeps talking as if it is a monologue and there is no one in front of him.

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 10:27am

  62. 62: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Mel I don’t think you have anything to be concerned about though. It is just something to be aware of so you pay attention to the son when you are around him and can be compassionate towards him.

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 10:29am

  63. 63: MelNo Gravatar says:

    Interesting FW. Do you think it matters that their mother has already “moved-on” (or rather moved-in…) so to speak? To me, if I were the son, it would seem quite obvious that the two of them were not going to get back together. But I guess the feelings could still be there.

    At least he seems to like me though… no “empty-headed” comments in my direction! LOL

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 10:31am

  64. 64: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    As yourself: “Is it more important to me to be loving to myself and others, or it is more important to get love?” This is a very important question to answer for yourself, because your intent determines your actions – and it’s only the intent to be loving to yourself and others that has positive results.

    Margaret Paul

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 10:34am

  65. 65: FlowerChild77No Gravatar says:

    I just got done reading the last thread (whew!) and want to respond some before I get started on this one.

    Emerson…you are right. I read all your (and everyone’s) posts, even if I don’t post/respond. You are heard <3

    Also…I understand not wanting to use valuable time you can use for yourself with your friend who is not ready to leave her abusive bf. On average, it takes seven or eight times of leaving (actually LEAVING/breaking up–not just thinking or talking about it) before a woman is able to find the strength and personal power to leave the situation.

    I had a 12 year marriage to a very violent man and know this to be true. I've also worked at domestic violence agencies for many years. (I have a background in social work/human services.) Maybe you can give her some information about a local women's safe house and/or crisis line phone numbers so she knows she has options—-and then tell her have to get going because you have xy and z to do. (Not getting stuck in a long conversation.)

    ALSO…you made me laugh when you described the man as, "moody, morose and mr. grumpy pants." ;-) I can say the same for my guy. I'm learning to laugh at it and just let it be, instead of trying to "fix" or taking it personally. Although it IS hard to not take it that way when *I* am having feelings and he turns it around 'back to him' as you say. I understand, but find it hard to "outgirl"—-That is something I need to learn more about.

    Turquoise…Thank you so much for talking about your vision boards :-) I remember making one right after I saw 'The Secret' and nothing ever came of it. I had great pictures and ideas….but not the feeling/vibration behind them to make anything happen. (The movie was a wonderful introduction and brought awareness, but was not very helpful when it came to the actual 'doing' the LOA.) Then I sort of forgot about that tool (vision boards.)

    Now I'm all excited to make another one–only this time I know a lot more about it and believe I will see some results! :-)

    STS—I feel SO envious of you with the babies. I ACHE to hold a baby sometimes. The feeling is so intense. It must take a lot of energy to have several very small children at once to watch. When I think back on when my four were young, I can hardly imagine having the energy to keep up with them all day, every day. <3

    FW (last thread) Thank you so much for your post about me leaving when I don't like how he responds and him saying I'm "running away." I see where the WAY I do it must wrong.

    It's not an angry, dramatic 'walk away' (although there have been times in the past where it was—when he'd said something particularly hurtful or mean.) I need to say what I'm doing and include that it's only for now, until I feel better. Is that what you mean?

    You have such a good grasp of what's going on with us. I really appreciate your input. Thank you.

    Brenda…I'm glad to see you have a sense of humor about your "cravings" ;-) I think about sex a LOT. (I mean a LOT!) Sometimes I wonder if I'm more like a man in that sense. I just think we're healthy and have very vivid imaginations! ;-)

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 10:36am

  66. 66: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Hello sirens,

    Just wanting to drop in and say hi!

    I’m feeling a mix of emotions.

    Part of me feels very excited about a freelance interior design job I’m starting tomorrow with a dear architect friend of mine.

    This is what I went to school for and it’s been a while since I’ve done this kind of work and I feel very excited.

    I feel happy about the dynamics between the architect, the client, and I. I feel really excited about this project.

    Another part of me feels really sad about what is going on with my mom.

    Surfing the waves of life!

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 10:38am

  67. 67: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Mel it could be obvious and he could have to a certain extent accepted that it is over but I have come to learn that children sometimes feel responsible for the break up. You know how Rori says that our emotions get formed as children. Many times when we are able to reconnect somehow to our past experiences we realize how silly the story was that the child inside of us believed? We will never know what is going on inside him but to me the best way to handle it is to acknowledge his feelings and give the kids space to “act out” until the child can figure out how to deal with his own emotions. It is just one of those mysteries of life I believe.

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 10:49am

  68. 68: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Yes FlowerChild it is something I learned from InnerBonding as a way of taking loving care of oneself. I believe I have also Orna Walters write something similar. It seems like signalling to the other person that you cherish your emotions and that there are times when you need to take a break away from them to do that so that they feel blamed or responsible. Gay Hendricks also has a story about the same kind of thing.

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 10:53am

  69. 69: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    FlowerChild see LGs comment No. 64. It is from InnerBonding.

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 10:55am

  70. 70: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    @ Starla – I tend to agree with Cat Blue and Feminine Woman. If it were me, I would let him know how angry I feel about his persistance. but for your own safety and sanity, it may feel best just to ignore him…

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 11:05am

  71. 71: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    @ 37 Feminine Woman – I can understand why my posts from the previous thread might’ve triggered you after reading this. it feels good to understand you better…

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 11:07am

  72. 72: maliNo Gravatar says:

    Oh, wow… this post really speaks to me!! =)

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 11:18am

  73. 73: MochaberriNo Gravatar says:

    @ Starla

    I recently had this happen to me about a month ago where I told the guy that I appeciated his wanting to apologize and it was accepted. He wanted to take me out to dinner to make up for his behavior and I let him know that I could not go because I did not feel safe after what happened and needed time to get past it and also I did not feel that communicating was approriate at this time.

    And it sounds to me that you have done all the right things – what I did to insure he did not contact me is that my cell phone company allows me to block up to 5 people free of charge – so you may want to check into that if that’s how he’s contacting you. And if it’s by email mark it as spam.

    What do you think?

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 11:33am

  74. 74: MochaberriNo Gravatar says:

    I have the ability to be high strung at times and I totally embrace that part of me

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 11:37am

  75. 75: SweetpeaNo Gravatar says:

    Great article and timely, as usual. I’ve started accepting this “name tags” as Rori calls them, rather than shrinking from them, stuffing them down, or trying to get away from them.

    But…I’ve been slacking off on that of late. Great reminder to keep accepting ourselves – even the parts we consider ugly. We are who we are – and we are beautiful! All of us…

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 11:42am

  76. 76: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Boys like to stick their penises in girls’ vaginas.

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 11:48am

  77. 77: FlowerChild77No Gravatar says:

    (((((Brenda)))))…I think being able to laugh at ourselves can be very helpful and healing sometimes. I would encourage you to be kinder to yourself and not apply the Aerosmith acrostic to yourself. I think the other one is more gentle and does not use negative labels.

    Also, your post #16….I don’t know if you realize it, but you have grown significantly in your outlook regarding the situation about Ryan! :-)

    I was SO happy to read what you wrote in #16 about your loneliness and owning that. Knowing what it is that consistently “derails” the conversation is major progress.

    Since what you want is something he is not able/willing to give you, I think what you’re “lonely” for is an ‘idea’ rather than Ryan, himself. Does that make any sense? <3

    I like the idea of choosing a date on the calendar as a goal to check in with yourself, but I'm thinking that for you, right now—-getting through 'one day at a time' might be more realistic—more 'do-able.'

    If there are times when you have to do it hour by hour, then do it that way. Whatever works for you.

    I believe God can bring you the perfect man—the man that can be your husband and lover. But you have to "let Him." <3

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 11:48am

  78. 78: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Brenda, 76
    I don’t understand, is there something else you’re trying to say?

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 11:49am

  79. 79: FlowerChild77No Gravatar says:

    LG/FW–Thank you for posting that. I am working on loving myself first and need to be reminded how important this is. I know that no one can ‘fill up’ that space where self love belongs.

    I am learning to take care of myself, emotionally, so that I may sincerely ask (and receive the answer to) “How can I give/be of service?”

    I’m going to go review my Margaret Lynch Inner Bonding Lessons.

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 12:03pm

  80. 80: maliNo Gravatar says:

    I love me just as I am.
    And the Universe has my back.

    I feel so lucky and blessed!!

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 12:07pm

  81. 81: Aurora GirlNo Gravatar says:

    78 re 76

    Ditto….what’s up with that comment?

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 12:09pm

  82. 82: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    Thought this was interesting from MSN.com yesterday:

    “Next time your boyfriend or husband is feeling stressed, sick, or pissed, rub his shoulders, hold his hand, or give him a quick back massage. Sure, it’s a nice gesture, but you should do it for purely selfish reasons too. Researchers just discovered that when a woman provides physical comfort to a guy in need, the reward center of her brain lights up. It’s the same region of the brain that typically responds to chocolate, sex, and money.

    The study, which was conducted at the University of California-Los Angeles, consisted of 20 couples in “good relationships”. The boyfriends received painful electric shocks (we really hope they were compensated monetarily for this) while the girlfriends either held their man’s arm or didn’t touch him. The women, who were hooked up to MRI machines, showed “increased activity in the reward-related regions of the brain” whenever they were touching their electrically-shocked significant others. The girlfriends also reported feeling more connected with their guys when they were touching during a shock. Whereas, when the woman didn’t offer support in the form of an arm touch, those regions of the brain showed decreased activity.

    The researchers concluded that “support-giving may have stress-reducing effects for the person who provides the support”.

    Then scientists then compared the brain scans of the women who touched their boyfriends during the electric shock with the brain scans of the women who touched their boyfriends not getting shocked. And guess what they discovered? The women didn’t feel nearly as rewarded, de-stressed, or connected when the guy wasn’t in pain.

    This isn’t to say that our entire gender is masochistic and we enjoy seeing our guys suffer. The scientists took the findings to mean that we get pleasure out of being there for our men and giving them physical support and comfort. Awww.”

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 12:10pm

  83. 83: FlowerChild77No Gravatar says:

    Brenda…I remember you saying that you post things like #76 as an outlet for those kind of feelings. Did I remember correctly?

    I certainly do relate to thinking about sex often and in a very vivid way. ;-)

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 12:13pm

  84. 84: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Starla,

    RE: #78 – That’s my silly way of trying to put myself in a good mood. I am feeling rotten. Thanks for asking.

    One little ray of encouragement: I just got an email and phone call out of the blue for a job possibility! I have an interview friday to be a technical writer. And it’s only a half hour from my new job!

    I miss Ryan so bad. I miss him, miss him, miss him! I am so in love with him.

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 12:29pm

  85. 85: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    FlowerChild,

    RE: #83 – That too! I’m a healthy American woman who loves SEXXX!!!!

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 12:29pm

  86. 86: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    FC,

    RE: #77 – Thank you! Yep, an hour at a time for me.

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 12:31pm

  87. 87: FlowerChild77No Gravatar says:

    Brenda…even though you are still having a hard time (no pun intended!) can you see that you are making progress in your thinking? I hope you can. I do (#77)

    I will be remembering you in my prayer/meditations. Congratulations on the new job opportunity!! Yay Brenda!! <3

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 12:34pm

  88. 88: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    FC,

    Thank you, yes, I am having a rapid growth spurt…Just hoping I can maintain my sanity at the same time.

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 12:41pm

  89. 89: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    ohhh that makes sense that we go to overfunctioning as a way to give us those good bondy feelings

    cuz i ‘took care’ of a guy last nite by letting him use my 5 dollars, and now i cant stop thinking about him hoping he’s ok he still likes me feeling insecure and attached

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 12:41pm

  90. 90: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    High Strung??

    Ya’ tha’nk?? LOLOLOL!

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 12:42pm

  91. 91: MochaberriNo Gravatar says:

    I ran across this post on another blog and feel it may be somewhat insightful to some of us here.

    Just Can’t Leave Him Alone”

    You know you need to leave. Staying with him is causing you to compromise the essence of who you are and what you believe. You feel that if you stay you may lose yourself forever and become an empty shell of what you used to be. Yet, every time you think you are ready, you find that you just can’t leave him alone. Something pulls you back and keeps you wanting more of him, even with the expected cost of your peace, happiness and possibly your self-esteem.

    I have been there and I know many women who can say the same. Once you’ve given your heart, soul, body and everything else you can possibly give you are suddenly bound to this person and you don’t even know why. You think you love him but you even question that because you don’t like him much anymore. It feels like being with him has you locked in a jail cell and you don’t even know how long your sentence is. You wonder when it will end. Will it get better? Will he change? Will I ever be able to walk away for good? You say you’re done but you know that you are not in complete agreement with that statement. What will it take to close this chapter forever?

    Perhaps you aren’t even committed to him, but you enjoy the attention that he gives you. You like having someone to keep you company, take you out and share a meal or fill the silence with sweet words that boost your ego. He’s not your man, but you are having so much fun that you don’t care. You may not realize the pain you are causing and the way that you are blocking yourself from receiving the relationship that was intended for you.

    The truth is, the longer you stay involved with someone who is not good for you, not intended for you, or belongs to someone else, the worse you feel about yourself. You begin to condemn yourself for being in the situation. You harshly judge yourself and begin to wonder if maybe you deserve to be in dysfunctional relationships since you don’t seem to know how to change or stay away. You begin to accept the conditions you find yourself in as if they are normal. The longer you stay you start to forget how much of a prize you are. Intellect, beauty, talent – you don’t seem to have any. You wonder what happened to it because you had so much potential years ago. You wonder if your life will ever get better.

    Too often we give our emotions the power to control our lives. Try observing your emotions without reacting to them. If you are feeling very emotional about something, sit quietly and do nothing. Silently experience the feeling of sadness, anger or happiness. Close your eyes, breathe and watch those emotions rise and fall. Open your eyes. You are still alive! You didn’t explode or fade away. You are still here. Our emotions can sometimes give us this urgency that we misinterpret. Emotions are part of life; they can be enjoyable and even helpful as flags that signal us to be cautious, but too often we allow them to drive our actions and reactions without pausing for thought and prayer.

    The only thing stopping you from leaving is you. There may come a day when you fully realize this. Most people seem to have a breaking point, but hopefully you can speed up your own process by knowing that you are hurting yourself by prolonging the goodbye. The problem is that being with the person has become a habit. It is now part of your routine and you know that something will feel like it is missing if you leave. That may be true, but what you have to gain by walking away and reclaiming your life will far outweigh whatever it is you think you will miss.

    We fear feeling the pain of separation but don’t realize that fear is the worst part of the process. Pushing past the fear may be the most difficult step and once you have done it, healing can begin. You may experience a temporary feeling of loss. You have grown accustomed to the relationship and all that it added or subtracted from your life. You may wonder how you will fill the gaps left by the missing person. You may sometimes think you made a mistake in letting them go because you momentarily forgot about how unhappy you were in that jail cell.

    This is the part where you need to pray. Acknowledge that you need help and ask God for it. Why lay around for days, weeks or months depressed and miserable over a relationship that was no good for you to begin with? Pray and ask God to give you the strength to never look back and ask Him to take the pain away. Ask Him to fill the voids in your life and give you the help, guidance and support that you need. I have prayed this and God never failed me. He sent all the help I needed not to continue the patterns of brokenness and not to linger in sadness. Since God is no respecter of persons, I know He will do the same for you. Just ask.

    After you pray, walk away. Just walk away from the relationship and keep it moving. Take all the necessary steps to remove this person from your life. I wrote about this earlier in The Naked Wolf posting – delete his information, delete the photos, ignore the calls and get authorities involved if he won’t respect your wishes to cease contact. It gets easier to separate yourself from the moment you commit to doing it. The Lord will help with the rest if you ask Him. Don’t allow your emotions or the other person’s emotions for that matter to push you around. You deserve peace, happiness and a full life, now go ahead and claim it!

    I also encourage you to seek support. Do not isolate yourself; rather look for resources that will build you up.

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 12:50pm

  92. 92: FlowerChild77No Gravatar says:

    I’m wondering if ‘high-strung’ and super-sensitive are somewhat interchangeable concepts. Or is ‘high-strung’ the reaction/behavior that comes from being super-sensitive?

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 12:51pm

  93. 93: FlowerChild77No Gravatar says:

    >>>”ohhh that makes sense that we go to overfunctioning as a way to give us those good bondy feelings”<<<

    Daria—-that makes perfect sense….thank you for putting it that way….

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 12:53pm

  94. 94: FlowerChild77No Gravatar says:

    I didn’t finish my thought….the overfunctioning/overly giving gets used to “make something” where there isn’t…to make ourselves feel better. We are uncomfortable…so we try and fill-in-the-blank. Hmmmmm…..

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 12:56pm

  95. 95: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    #84 Brenda

    Fingers and toes crossed for the job!!!!!!!

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 12:57pm

  96. 96: JennyNo Gravatar says:

    I’m feeling very beautiful and clean, it felts wonderful taking a shower, I felt warm and skimering when I saw water touch my skin. I felt magical, I felt like a mermaid sitting under a waterfall.

    I feel happy and a little sad. One of my toworrow CD just gave me a notice he cant make it, since change of plan at his work.

    So I just told him:
    “I feel a little sad, I was looking forward to meet. I feel happy, it feels good getting notice in advance. Thank you for letting me know”

    ..and, and it does feel good when they say in advance that they cant come. And this CD is a young boy, 20 :) Even if I’m dating for the fun of it – I totelly love it when they step up, are good men :)

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 12:58pm

  97. 97: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Francesca – im feeling a little defensive reading your post on the other thread

    i feel tense – i get the impression im being blamed for someone’s personal inner triggers to a conversation with me…

    i didn’t want you to feel bad

    and i also feel angry to have it kinda be put on my responsibility

    i dont want to get labels like tough cookie and i don’t want to take responsibility for other peoples stuff…

    my lil voice is like “its not my fault you felt like you needed approval for me, and that you felt all disappointed i didnt agree with you at first – i have a right to not agree! and i have a right to change my mind!

    and actually it felt great to be able to air out my concerns…

    and find that some of my fears didn’t hold…

    im sorry if my expressing triggered you to feel insecurity and uncomfortableness about being approved of or validated – i can see how that could happen

    and i dont want to take responsibility for that

    that is not my stuff and i dont want to feel like … i feel pressured.

    well i feel scared im gogin to come out looking bad for not being able to control how someone else is feeling… and THAT is my stuff… “

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 12:59pm

  98. 98: QueenbeeNo Gravatar says:

    Hey Sirens,

    Quick question – please help.

    If things are not going so good with a man and he keeps insisting he wants to see you and he says he loves you more than one time, is it okay to ask him why he loves you?

    Or would that be over-functioning or an unfair question?

    Thanks!

    xoxo

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 12:59pm

  99. 99: Rori RayeNo Gravatar says:

    Hi all – Just need to put out a general moderation guideline…this is the hardest thing I have to do in my work: If I receive a letter that sounds suicidal, or talks about ending life, or not being able to go on… – I cannot answer. I can’t answer privately, or alert anyone, or reply here. I have to send it to the trash. I used to send them on to my company, and they just trashed it there after talking with the company attorney – legally I just can’t do anything without endangering myself or my publishing company (If you’re an attorney, perhaps you have a different idea about this – but for now, I have to abide by my contractual obligations in this and many areas…) so – if you’re a woman in pain, and you’ve sent me a letter or put a comment here that ended up in moderation and I didn’t approve it and answer you – you know why – and I’m supremely sorry.

    My advice would ALWAYS be – if you are actually in so much emotional pain that you’d consider not going forward with life and learning new skills and experiencing new things – then please get immediate professional help. There’s so much of it out there – and so much for free. In my darkest days, I used the hotlines, and still recommend them…

    And if this is not the case, and you’re truly only flirting with the idea in your mind and never would really consider it – then please consider, instead, talking to yourself differently, and framing your situation differently and try posting again in a way I can publish and the community here can help you…wishing you love and blessing you who’ve written…Love, Rori

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 1:02pm

  100. 100: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    urh im feelin so insecure! he probably thinks im selfish!

    waaah

    i want to focus on ME!

    im the prize!!!

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 1:07pm

  101. 101: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    I believe I was highly strung when I was younger and married to a man whose behaviour “made” me feel that way, now I am older and hopefully wiser, I believe I am a lot more mellow and grounded.

    Maybe that’s why I have such a trigger with all the angry and furious posts on here at times, like hey just chill out and……..breathe……….and relax…….

    Sometimes it can be like a time/age thing, you know I am 40 and not married and I don’t have children and the clock is ticking my life away.

    I can remember when I got divorced at 49 and feeling this URGENCY that OMFG I am 50 next year and I am going to be on my own for EVER……..OMFG what will I do?? I have to meet somebody like NOW!!!!!!!!

    And yet here I am at 58 and I don’t feel like that anymore and the funny thing is my job now entails me working with (mostly) women a lot older than me and they tell me how young I am (ha!!) and I look at them and I have soooo many years ahead of me all that urgency and angst and the driven way I felt have dissipated.

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 1:09pm

  102. 102: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Queenbee – yeah! that would be the WRONG way to go

    it woudl be like “askign the innocent question”

    it sounds like the truth is more like

    “im feeling… unhappy with… being a gf/the distance/stuff between us… what do you think we should do?”

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 1:11pm

  103. 103: MochaberriNo Gravatar says:

    @ Queenbee @98

    I feel that if it were me I would first figure out what was triggering me to feel that things weren’t going well and woerk through that.Then I would feel what is happening within my body when I hear him telling me I love him and try to udnerstand why I’m feeling that way

    Hope that makes sense!!

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 1:13pm

  104. 104: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    @91 Mochaberri – I love this. Thanks for posting it. Feels super helpful.

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 1:15pm

  105. 105: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    omg im wanting to call him omg omg

    uff how do i NOT do this?

    he might never contact me again

    i want to be With him right now!

    wow

    i feel so uncomfortable feeling like this! its cuz i softened up and ‘took care’ of him and now im feeling all ‘high strung’ and

    responsible for him feeling good and afraid he wont like me or think im nice and hell think im selfish

    evn tho i gave him 5 dollars

    aaack!!!!

    cuz i hesitated

    and id dint feel totally taken caer of all nite, i mean on his own he didnt ask me what i want as far as water

    but he Did wind up getitng it for me

    AND he took me home ooohhhh that was so sweet i want to call him!

    well i wish he was calling me sigh

    :(

    feeling all outta sorts with these into hisself a lil bit men ima SLAP HIM

    he said he likes being slapped so thats perfect lol

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 1:16pm

  106. 106: MochaberriNo Gravatar says:

    @Iambutterfly – you ar most welcome!! I found it to be inspirational to me!!!!!!!!!

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 1:17pm

  107. 107: QueenbeeNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks Daria @102, and Mochaberri @91. Yeah, it’s HAman. We met again after 7 months, still had feelings, kinda connected, I slept with him… all in a week. This was just before Xmas and he had plans to go to the Coast with some ‘friends’ – Two guys and two girls and where they stayed in a beach house for a week. I felt awful. We talked about it before he left and I told him I wanted out. I feel he’s unattentive and unavailable. that’s pretty much it. When he does pay me attention it’s great… but then it’s not as much as I need….

    He’s never really taken me anywhere. Ended last time coz he went on Easter vacay alone, without me, after asking me….

    I still feel things for him. He’s been asking to see me since after New Year, and I’ve just felt bad and not wanted to do it.

    I guess for me it’s also a red flag, I need someone who I can spend holidays with. I don’t know where he was during New Year… he didn’t contact me…. :(

    It feels like FWB… and I suppose I got caught up too soon.

    But, I don’t really know what to believe, since I don’t actually know him all that well, despite having met a couple years ago.

    So, just wondering what to do? Is a man like this even worth it?

    I just feel confused.

    What do you think Sirens?

    Thank you!!

    xoxo

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 1:29pm

  108. 108: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    On another note ladies next Monday I will be starting on Atkins at least I hope I will as I try to psyche myself up to no CARBS (nooo bread!!) booo hoooo!!

    I have done every diet under the sun and then some, I have even done Atkins before though half heartedly I will admit.

    But just this past weekend I found on Amazon you can download the Kindle for your PC or your Android and I went to the bookstore and bought this book:

    WHY WE GET FAT – AND WHAT TO DO ABOUT IT

    written by a very well respected scientist Gary Taubes.

    He talks about the very worst fat you can have is around your middle (me – the typical apple) and how it can lead to diabetes, heart attack and strokes and unbelievably as this may seem to some of you I am not even interested in this (!!) My main concern is vanity :(

    The world is getting fatter as we eat more low fat diets……………we follow the pyramid principles as set up by our various governments, so why is this so, why are we getting fatter?

    Even if you don’t buy the online Kindle book go and read the reviews.

    As I said I am still trying to psyche myself up to it, but I can see no other way and at my age I am really not up to strenuous cardio and weight lifting every day as in the past or those low fat counting every calorie feeling miserable and hungry every day diets.

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 1:30pm

  109. 109: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Queenbee – if i was there id say “worth what?”

    is he asking me out? how do i feel about going ?

    then share that

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 1:33pm

  110. 110: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    Sorry for my last 2 posts not being about men, not Sireny posts – it’s all just about ME ME ME LOL!!

    Oh and I did reply to Mr Antonio Banderas lookalike who lives in Portugal and is way too short and young for me, but hey I took your advice Lizka. :)

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 1:37pm

  111. 111: TiffanyNo Gravatar says:

    More responses to comments later. For now, here is what I sent to him:

    “[Hello, Jc - blah blah blah.]

    Anyway… The bottom line is, I’m really sorry that you’re feeling crappy. I hear you and I understand. But that doesn’t mean it is okay to take it out on me. I’m feeling a little pissed right now. Maybe it is selfish to ask that my feelings be heard, but I don’t think so.

    You are certainly entitled to your feelings. There is nothing that I can or want to do to “fix” them. But I also don’t feel like enabling you to be a crappy person to me because of it. And I don’t feel like taking care of you when my feelings are just as important.

    So if you want to take some time and be Mr. GrumpyPants on your own, that is fine with me.

    I would rather have a conversation with you when you are a little more ready.

    Take care,
    T.”

    I feel so nervous about sending that. Right away, my NVs started acting up, saying “he’s going to hate you, you are ruining this relationship, blah, blah, blah.”…although, now that I’m writing about it here, I feel better. Whew! Heck, even if it *does* ruin the relationship, I know that it’s not because I didn’t speak my mind and say how I felt. And that feels good! So if he’s not able to respond to that in an adult way – and keeps acting like this bratty 2-year-old, well, then…that is not my fault! Who knows what’s going on with the guy. I certainly don’t. And I DON’T need this to keep bothering me when I have a lot more important things to think about, and people who are right in front of me who need my attention – including me!

    I was going to ask him, last night, what he would do if I had to come to Toronto for some reason (say, a job interview, wink, wink). Would he want to see me? He said to ask him, but I decided not to. I’d much rather ask him that question when he’s in a good mood and not being like this werewolf person. lol

    Thank, sirens. You are awesome!!

    Go non-codependency! :)

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 1:40pm

  112. 112: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Tiffany – did you send that? i feel a lil concerned… i woudl encourage you to now translate it all to feeling messages – line by line

    OMG that will be a huge babystep and do so much for realting/communication growth

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 1:55pm

  113. 113: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    More responses to comments later. For now, here is what I sent to him:

    “[Hello, Jc - blah blah blah.]

    I’m really sorry that you’re feeling crappy. I hear you. And.. I feel kinda defensive and like I’m being blamed. I’m feeling a little pissed right now. I’m feeling a little unheard about my feelings.

    I don’t want to be treated crappily. I don’t want to take care of a man emotionally… im just a girl here… I want my emotions to feel treasured and taken care of first.

    I don’t want to date a guy that doesn’t put my emotions first.

    I feel open to talk to you when I’m feeling good and safe… what do you think?

    T.”

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 1:59pm

  114. 114: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    “I Feel Overwhelmed”
    By Dr. Margaret Paul
    January 23, 2012

    ——————————————————————————–
    When you feel overwhelmed, do you believe that it is about external circumstances? Discover why this might not be true.
    ——————————————————————————–

    I often hear from my clients that they feel overwhelmed. Generally, feeling overwhelmed means one of three things:

    •Overwhelmed by their feelings
    •Overwhelmed by time pressures
    •Overwhelmed by how to do things ‘right’
    The feeling of overwhelm is generally caused by how we are treating ourselves and what we are telling ourselves.

    Peter

    In my Skype session with Peter, he told me at the beginning of the session that he felt overwhelmed.

    “Peter, please breathe into your feeling of overwhelm and get present with it…….do you want responsibility for being the one causing this feeling?”

    “Yes, but I don’t think I’m the cause. I think it’s because I have so much to do and I don’t have the time to get everything done.”

    “Is this what you are telling yourself, which is causing you to feel overwhelmed?”

    “Yes, but it’s true.”

    “Peter, lets go a little deeper with what you are telling yourself. What are you telling yourself will happen if you don’t get everything done?”

    “People will be upset with me.”

    “And what does it mean if they are upset with you?”

    “It means that I’m not good enough.”

    “How do you think your children would feel if you said to them, “You have all this to do and not enough time to do it, and if you don’t get it done people will be upset with you, and their upset means that you are not good enough, so get to work.”

    “I would never say that to my children.”

    “But this is what you are telling yourself – the little boy within who is your feeling self. So of course he feels overwhelmed, just as your children would feel if you said this to them. Peter, please open to your higher self and ask what the truth is.”

    “……………My higher self is saying that I always manage to get things done and that putting pressure on myself just makes it harder. And he says that I am a loving soul – and that is the basis of my worth, not whether I get things done or whether or not people are upset with me.”

    “So, while it may be true that you have a lot to get done, everything else you have been telling yourself is not true – and this is what is causing your overwhelm. Ask you higher self what else you can say to yourself that will release the overwhelm.”

    “My little boy inside needs to know that I will love him even if we don’t get everything done. I’m telling him that right now, and he feels so much better!”

    Janna

    Janna was feeling overwhelmed by her feelings of loneliness and heartbreak after her boyfriend broke up with her; she had been over-eating and eating junk to numb the feelings.

    “Janna, breathe into these feelings and see if you can get totally present with them……now focus in your heart and invite into your heart compassion for these feelings – kindness, gentleness, caring. Imagine that you are sitting with your hurting child within, embracing her with deep compassion. Just keep being fully present with these very painful feelings with compassion, until you feel ready to release them to Spirit.”

    It only took about five minutes before Janna felt ready to let the feelings move through her. Each time the painful feelings came up, Janna embraced them with compassion and allowed them to move through her rather than getting stuck in her. Her desire to over-eat vanished, as she no longer felt overwhelmed.

    I hope the next time you feel overwhelmed, you fully embrace this feeling with compassion, so that you can either learn about what the overwhelm might be telling you, or you can manage the underlying painful feelings with deep kindness toward yourself.’

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 2:09pm

  115. 115: Sun GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    I have this huge sense of urgency regarding a purchase and I just called LP and told him about it and asked what he thought and he said it was my call. I feel scared that I might be jumping into something I shouldn’t but scared I will lose it if I don’t. I also feel weird for having told him about my urge.

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 2:10pm

  116. 116: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    I am on a massive carbfest this week knowing I have to let go of it all next week.

    Why do I do that?

    Is it my inner teenager rebellion pissy side coming out?

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 2:13pm

  117. 117: GoodheartNo Gravatar says:

    Queenbee, the answer is in how you feel.

    When you are with a man who is “worth it” you won’t feel confused or neglected or any of the other bad things you are feeling – not on a regularly basis. Overall, you will feel taken care of & cherished.

    Once you really believe that you deserve all the attention & consistency that you aren’t getting right now – really believe it – you’ll get it.

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 2:26pm

  118. 118: MelNo Gravatar says:

    Silver Moonbeam,

    I often “bargain” with my inner child regarding bad food choices. Like “Ok, I’m hearing that you’d like a treat… but eating that whole pie seems a bit excessive. What if I washed some blackberries for you and drizzled a bit of honey on top? Mmmmm! yes, that sounds delightful!”

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 2:27pm

  119. 119: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    Queenbee – Yes that is not so much an unfair question but no one that can be answered. A man lovs you because he loves you, because you are uniquely you. To focus on one thing or another is not loving you. Make sense?

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 2:31pm

  120. 120: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    Queenbee – Yes that is not so much an unfair question but no one that can be answered. A man loves you because he loves you, because you are uniquely you. To focus on one thing or another is not loving you. Make sense?

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 2:33pm

  121. 121: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    Queenbee – Yes that is not so much an unfair question but not one that can be answered. A man loves you because he loves you, because you are uniquely you. To focus on one thing or another is not loving you. Make sense?

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 2:33pm

  122. 122: MelNo Gravatar says:

    Queenbee,

    Sounds like he’s a yummy “snack.” Rori wrote a post about this…

    He’s super tasty and delicious, but he simply just can’t provide you with all the nourishment you need. So you have an option…

    Pack him along on your horseback ride, enjoy his yummyness, but supplement him with loads of other CDs. Then…you might find someone who gives you all the nourishment you need. Maybe it will be him even!

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 2:35pm

  123. 123: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    why the triple post? sigh

    xxoo

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 2:43pm

  124. 124: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    Hi sirens! I just posted on the previous thread cos I didn’t realise another one was up. Oops!

    Hope you’re all great and will try to catch up later.

    xx

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 2:56pm

  125. 125: QueenbeeNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you Sirens (and Dominique for the triple post :) ). Yes, it does all makes sense.

    Love to all!!

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 3:10pm

  126. 126: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    Sweetie Babe says “Buck up, Honeybee.”

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 3:18pm

  127. 127: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    I think he said “buck…”

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 3:19pm

  128. 128: MelNo Gravatar says:

    SLV

    ROTFL! :D

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 3:20pm

  129. 129: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @18: lk says:
    @Brenda
    “…Hm… when i have the feeling of “waiting” for a man… or being Lonely For Him…. i sometimes do a Count-Down on a calendar where i put a date down for 90 days away & then mark the days…. so it feels very Sacred & Special…”

    Yay! One of my calendaring tools… works for me and I discussed it last year.

    I’m watching very intently to see what happens next.

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 3:24pm

  130. 130: CamilleNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Sirens,

    Update…..T left Friday if youll remember I stayed leaned back the I heard from him Sunday night just enough of a conversation for him to tell me he is coming to get some things on Monday.

    Monday came he got some clothes and his Camper and went to stay at our friends house in Idaho. Apparently they are trying to work on some jobs and snowmobiling etc. because of T’s construction work he has been laid off……no biggie cause he works so much and saves. SO…..he told me he was depressed and thought he was going to leave for good because we dont seem to be happy. Were not fighting or arguing but its just not blissful. So he thinks maybe he should leave.

    He said hed see me in a couple of days?

    Anyone want to help me out with that! I was doing so well but now that I’ve seen him. Im longing for him and it hurt that he was cold when he came by.

    I dont know what to do??? As far as, how long do I allow this to be up in the air. I dont know what is ok for me.

    I want him to step up and make this thing work. And realize everyone has problems you get through it and become stronger.

    But I dont know if he has it in him…….it certainly didnt feel that way when he came by to get more clothes to go visit our friends.

    Yuck, Yuck, Yucky……….

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 3:28pm

  131. 131: CamilleNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Sirens,

    Update…..T left Friday if youll remember I stayed leaned back the I heard from him Sunday night just enough of a conversation for him to tell me he is coming to get some things on Monday.

    Monday came he got some clothes and his Camper and went to stay at our friends house in Idaho. Apparently they are trying to work on some jobs and snowmobiling etc. because of T’s construction work he has been laid off……no biggie cause he works so much and saves. SO…..he told me he was depressed and thought he was going to leave for good because we dont seem to be happy. Were not fighting or arguing but its just not blissful. So he thinks maybe he should leave.

    He said hed see me in a couple of days?

    Anyone want to help me out with that! I was doing so well but now that I’ve seen him. Im longing for him and it hurt that he was cold when he came by.

    I dont know what to do??? As far as, how long do I allow this to be up in the air. I dont know what is ok for me.

    I want him to step up and make this thing work. And realize everyone has problems you get through it and become stronger.

    But I dont know if he has it in him…….it certainly didnt feel that way when he came by to get more clothes to go visit our friends.

    Yuck, Yuck, Yucky……….

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 3:29pm

  132. 132: TiffanyNo Gravatar says:

    Iamabutterfly re #82 –

    First off, I.a.b., I have to admit that I have been reading your name wrong for a rather long time. since most of it is lower case, I’ve been reading “Lamabutterfly” and I thought “what the heck does that mean??” lol. But now I know better…You are a butterfly. hehe.

    Anyway, your post from #82 really struck me. It struck me in a way that made me say, “darnit!!” I totally identify with that.

    And it reminds me of what’s been going on with Jc in Canada. He’s been having a really tough time, with what, I’m not so sure. And when he’s told me this stuff before, I’ve offered him “support,” in the form of virtual hugs, etc. I feel frustrated right now because, even when he confessed to me how he was feeling, and I felt like I wanted to offer something like that, it just didn’t feel appropriate this time, for some reason. But I really, really, wanted to. And if I had been there in person, I definitely would have, and that would have been so great. But I’m not.

    I feel so frustrated with an almost-real, fake relationship. It’s fake. It is totally in someone’s imagination – mine, or his, or a combination of both. Only sometimes it gets real. And I want to respond in a real way. And then reality says, “Nope. You’re not there.”

    I don’t want a fake man. I want a real man. Flesh and blood. Right in front of me, beside me, behind me. Supporting me all the time, so that, when he gets his little “shocks,” it will be so easy and natural to just reach out my hand and steady him. And if he’s not real right now, I want him to at least WANT to get real.

    I feel a little bad that, instead of being supportive, like Jc probably wanted, I basically told him to take a “time out,” like the two-year-old he was presenting himself to be. And I don’t want to come across as being like his mother. But I also really don’t want him to take advantage of me, emotionally.

    If he is not giving ME support, and being nurturing, and making me feel safe, then I don’t have the resources to do the same for him. Fact of nature.

    There we go.

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 3:29pm

  133. 133: FrancescaNo Gravatar says:

    Daria, yes, I get you.

    It’s fine and I’m not upset.

    I’m letting it go.

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 3:32pm

  134. 134: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @128: Mel

    Anyway the message was I am too blessed to sweat the small stuff.

    :D

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 3:32pm

  135. 135: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    tiffany – im sorry… i wrote to you from a place of “worry”

    and fear based action stuff is not what i want

    its lovely that you are opening up to share waht you feel with that guy

    i was reading another article on being right (whcih im taking it to mean for me, being accurate – in my perception etc,) vs being happy

    realizing that i may have thought i was “right” about changing to feeling messages but that doesnt feel happy or encouraging! :(

    instead it would feel encouraging to say yeah ! its great that youre taking steps to share your feelings!

    i can even ask if youre open or interested in tweaks from my pov…

    not just trhow em out there outta worry and fear (and i feel so triggered when my mom communicates with me from a wrory and fear place…

    and i forgive myself! )

    love to me!

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 3:38pm

  136. 136: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Camille – “how long do I allow this to be up in the air”

    forever. read the “no closure” post…

    the more its up in the air, the more you’re leaving the door open for what you want to show up

    meanwhile – dont wait for a man, ever. not even 20 minutes

    Circular Date. that will shift everything.

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 3:51pm

  137. 137: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @101: Silver Moonbeam says:
    “…I can remember when I got divorced at 49 and feeling this URGENCY that OMFG I am 50 next year and I am going to be on my own for EVER……..OMFG what will I do?? I have to meet somebody like NOW!!! …”

    I know, I know…. the things people say. And they think I think like them… I actually have heard and read the strangest things… insulting too… “I wouldn’t want to be alive if I were you”…kind of stuff… “I could never be happy…”
    hahahahaha
    :lol:
    I skipped over to “70″ to see what it looks like.
    Cool… 8)

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 3:51pm

  138. 138: TiffanyNo Gravatar says:

    I want Love.

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 3:55pm

  139. 139: FrancescaNo Gravatar says:

    Wow, SLV, what these people said to you is something else. Talk about missing a chance to just shut up if they haven’t anything nice to say.

    I’m curious…

    What did you reply?

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 3:56pm

  140. 140: TiffanyNo Gravatar says:

    @Cat B – re #13

    How do feel about him being dismissive?

    It feels – yuck. Icky. Gross. I don’t want that. I want to be heard. I want to be felt. I want to be acknowledged. I want to be cherished. I feel frustrated, invisible, dismissed. I don’t like it.

    How do I feel about paying attention to his feelings?

    Well, not that bad, actually. When it came up, I realized that I kind of swallowed what I had going on and it just seemed that, whatever was going on for him in the moment was too huge for him to deal with me. So I let it go (kind of). And it didn’t feel too bad to be listening to him, because I’m used to it, and I kind of wanted to. But on the other hand, I was aware that I really needed some of the attention that he was asking from me.

    But then – devil’s advocate style – I have to wonder if it’s possible that I have been ignoring him? Have I been dismissing my feelings first and then his? Hm….will have to ponder this some more.

    Not saying it’s my fault. But if it bothers me, then it could be that there is something I need to notice about myself…that whole “taking responsibility” thing…

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 4:02pm

  141. 141: CamilleNo Gravatar says:

    Daria,
    Thank you for your response. And I get that, And I started Cding Saturday!

    I meant up in the air as far as his things being at “our” house. If hes moving out for sure. I don’t know how long I want his things around if hes truly leaving for good.

    (Thinking Outloud)
    I just feel funny around that.???? I’m angry thats how I feel why should he just get to leave and say im thinking about it while I look at all his stuff! Im not a storage shed, I dont want to be patient.

    OOOOhhh maybe this is a way that I think I can control the situation and his reactions or pressure him. Thinking I could call him and say “come get your stuff out of my house and yard”

    Yep I think this question in my head is a control thing….lean back think of myself and if he wants his stuff hell come get it. Men do what they want to do.

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 4:02pm

  142. 142: TiffanyNo Gravatar says:

    @Brenda – Thanks for that. Yeah, loneliness is a big thing with him, too. He keeps talking about how he is lonely, and complaining to me that all his friends have hooked up and he just “wants someone.” And yet, there is nothing I can do. Here I am, talking to him online. And yet it doesn’t help him to feel less lonely. To me, it seems that he is choosing solitude. He is choosing loneliness – kind of like we do – not realizing it. But there again, I can’t really help him….*sigh*

    The fact is, I feel lonely, too. I just don’t feel like “dumping” my lonely feelings on someone else who can’t be reasonable expected to do anything about it.

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 4:06pm

  143. 143: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @108: Silver Moonbeam says:
    “…I will be starting on Atkins at least I hope I will as I try to psyche myself up to no CARBS (nooo bread!!) …”

    Have you considered Suzanne Somers’s way of eating? Very low sugars and you can go down to NO added sugar if you choose but you get all the food groups, including fruits and whole grains. Recipes galore especially in the older books.

    Anyway I’ll catch your back and support whatever you do. I was soliciting some support and encouragement for “body work” but I caught an “odd job” kinda vibe on the blog. I get healthier and also lose 50 pounds.

    s’OK… I’m cool with it now. I’m very determined.

    James Bond: Goldfinger-Oddjob’s demonstration
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iHFqDjzkyQQ

    Yeah, I saw the original film… tee hee. good’un. Sean Connery.

    xoxo

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 4:12pm

  144. 144: TiffanyNo Gravatar says:

    Daria – Thanks for the response, and your translations into feeling messages. I actually don’t feel like it was too fear-based or worrying. I liked it. Unfortunately, I have sent the message already (and this after several hours of serious, heavy editing – if you think that was blamey, you should see the outtakes! Yikes!! lol)

    But here’s what I like:

    “I’m really sorry that you’re feeling crappy. I hear you. And.. I feel kinda defensive and like I’m being blamed. [Not quite accurate to how I was feeling, but maybe an appropriate one here.] I’m feeling a little pissed right now. I’m feeling a little unheard about my feelings. [DEFINITELY]

    I don’t want to be treated crappily. I don’t want to take care of a man emotionally… im just a girl here… I want my emotions to feel treasured and taken care of first. [That last part - yeah, definitely!!]

    I don’t want to date a guy that doesn’t put my emotions first. [Well, I'm not going to date him, so it's a moot point - but talk to, maybe?]

    I feel open to talk to you when I’m feeling good and safe… what do you think? [yeah, for sure]

    T.”

    I appreciate that a lot, and it feels good to see it written out that way. As written, I wouldn’t feel totally authentic about sending it. But maybe with a few tweaks of my own…I can always rewrite it for myself and do it differently next time!

    Maybe I could have done it better, but it was so important for me to get these things off my chest. I couldn’t concentrate on anything! :(

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 4:13pm

  145. 145: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    I cut and pasted and somehow “want to get healthier and lose 50 pounds…” was abbreviated.

    … but maybe it’s a sign… the Universe considers it happening now. If not a done deal, it’s a happening deal.

    Yippee!

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 4:17pm

  146. 146: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    139: Francesca says:
    Wow, SLV, what these people said to you is something else. Talk about missing a chance to just shut up if they haven’t anything nice to say.

    I’m curious…

    What did you reply?

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 4:24pm

  147. 147: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Feelings
    I’m
    Not
    Expressing

    Fu(ked up
    Insecure
    Neurotic and
    Emotional

    Kenny made up a new one for me:

    Fu(kable
    Incredible
    Naughty and
    Edible

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 4:30pm

  148. 148: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @139: Francesca

    Oops :oops:

    Reply? Those would be time wasters usually.

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 4:33pm

  149. 149: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @139: Francesca

    Oops :oops:

    Reply? Those would be time wasters usually.

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 4:33pm

  150. 150: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Wow Camille that feels inspiring how honest you are with yourself

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 4:54pm

  151. 151: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    #118 Mel

    I like the bargaining tool. :)

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 4:59pm

  152. 152: TiffanyNo Gravatar says:

    Okay, and now I just got the most angry email back from him. I feel bad about this. I feel shaky. He said he wants to end our email correspondence. I don’t like that. But I also don’t like that he said I “don’t have a right to be pissed” at him. What does that mean? I don’t even understand!

    I feel – a harsh, cold feeling around my head. I feel misunderstood, and it seems to me he is reacting hotly, and I don’t know why. Well, I might know why. Maybe I could have been “nicer.” But he wasn’t being very nice to me! now he is going to go around saying that I am “lunatic,” like the other women he branded “lunatics.” I knew this could happen any moment, at the drop of a hat. And I don’t want it to go this way.

    I need to think, before I respond. If I respond at all.

    I don’t understand fully where he is coming from.

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 5:00pm

  153. 153: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    #137 SLV

    I now feel a little more like that Louis Armstrong song “We Have All The Time in The World” :D

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 5:04pm

  154. 154: TiffanyNo Gravatar says:

    Ugh. I am so hungry, I am starving. and shaky. So shaky…why is his affecting me so much? I want to cry.

    I want to eat, but the moment I put food in my mouth, it feels disgusting…

    Daria, I am going to try and compose something back to him that is more feeling-based.

    I don’t want to convince him of anything. I just want to express myself and be heard.

    Maybe this isn’t the right relationship. And maybe I knew all along that it would come to this. But I never saw this. Never in my dreams…well, definitely not in my dreams!

    And now I feel blindsided by all this. First, that lovely, wonderful, comforting dream. And now this harsh, cold reality.

    This is not a TEST. THis is an opportunity. An opportunity to go somewhere with all this that I haven’t gone before. I need to get comfy…and sit and feel my feelings….

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 5:04pm

  155. 155: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    #143 SLV

    Thank you and I will support you too and yeah gotta love the original James Bond though Daniel Craig comes a pretty close second. ;)

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 5:08pm

  156. 156: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    dang i feel so disappointed

    this guy who was supposed to come through i guess his engine overheated

    i called 15 min after he was supposed to get here

    i feel so disappointed and mad – noticing im mad at other men too in my thoughts when they come up, not just him

    like irritated

    i wonder if i wouldve felt less mad to not have called (i think so)

    i felt scared tho to make other plans without calling since he was coming from outta town somewhat, well like an hour and a half away

    i dont want to do that to myself anymore

    now i have NVs telling me today is gonna be a no fun day

    i feel sad

    i dont want to have a no fun day

    i could call a guy back that just asked me what i was doing today and i said i wasnt free
    a
    ctually 2 guys

    but i dont really want to call them back

    :(

    i am sitting with my feeling

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 5:12pm

  157. 157: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    im experimenting wearing the label “coward” as that is one of my most triggering ones

    hmm

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 5:20pm

  158. 158: FlowerChild77No Gravatar says:

    Oh, ((((Daria))))—-Don’t think of it as cowardly—think of it as leaning back ;-)

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 5:25pm

  159. 159: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i feel glad i hung up on that guy when he asked me to hold on

    now im feeling calmer and more forgiving… engines overheat, someone might not think to call me right away

    i dont like it, but it can happen, i dont feel all punishing towards him as much

    i ate damn near Binged on steelhead fish and baked bellpeppers…

    hmmm

    i wonder if food is really desired or is it stuffing?

    it felt like my body really wanted the food…

    ohhh

    i walked and danced a lot yesterday… and just now took a long apple vinegar bath…

    nutrition yummy

    feeling a lil better

    still sad

    it must mean goddess has an even better idea of fun for me

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 5:30pm

  160. 160: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Flower Child – hmm nice concept…

    im just saying relating to the post in general, about wearing labels

    one i always fight against myself with is about cowardly

    and still your comment applies… im starting to see its ok and healthy to walk away

    theres no actual cowardice in existence just like theres no selfishness (i dont believe in it)

    im gonna notice when i label myself cowardly/weak/punky etc

    and just love it, not try to act like it doesnt exist… like Rori in the post

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 5:33pm

  161. 161: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    thank you for the hugs

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 5:33pm

  162. 162: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    So – now I wear a hundred nametags.

    Whatever I once accused myself of and tried to “fix” – I now just “wear.”

    And I do what I always do, I breathe and forgive myself for even THINKING there could be something “wrong” or “bad” in whatever nametag I “think” (or someone ELSE thinks) I “wear.”

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 5:34pm

  163. 163: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    im pushy, and a punk out, and one who chokes up in conflict, and annoying, not fun to be around, disgusting, sad, pathetic, a danger to my friends and family,

    etc
    hmm

    frogive myself for even thinking there is somethign wrong with this

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 5:36pm

  164. 164: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    Oh Antonio Banderas man has kinda got a little mad at me cos I never replied right away to him LOL!! How funny are these guy!!

    Aww poor boy he must be so mad at this Siren. :D

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 5:36pm

  165. 165: TiffanyNo Gravatar says:

    He called me “Narcissistic” in his email!!!!

    Ah – I just got distracted by the pretty colors in the sunset…yay. :)

    But seriously. I think this would have to be an “I’m rubber, you’re glue” moment. Because if anyone is going to be engaging in name-calling, then I’m pretty sure the name just bounces off and sticks to the name-caller…

    Not cool. And *really* not mature.

    (And that rubber-glue thing is about at mature as the name-calling..)

    I asked him one time why he was still single. And I am truly beginning to see why. However…I still want to practice being “present” in any way I can. I won’t respond to the name-calling. I won’t get angry back. But I *will* express my true feelings….

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 5:37pm

  166. 166: TiffanyNo Gravatar says:

    Gosh…how can I express myself authentically and not a) kiss a** or b) be excessively mean or condescending?

    FMs I guess….whew. This is clearly a weak spot for me.

    I thought I was getting so much better at expressing them out in the world, with friends, etc. But when feelings and emotions get involved, it all seems to go out the window and not make sense…((hugs))

    I give me me-hugs.

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 5:41pm

  167. 167: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    36 Mel – OMG you are my hero! I’m not sure I could’ve come up with a FM like that, but you did it and he responded beautifully! You have some such a long way! :)

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 5:49pm

  168. 168: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    #166 Tiffany

    Just be authentic and true to yourself, no hidden agenda, just attached from the outcome…….

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 5:50pm

  169. 169: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    On my way home to eat breakfast for dinner or maybe I’ll just hit of the McDonald’s on the way there…

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 5:50pm

  170. 170: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    Oooops detached obviously……

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 5:50pm

  171. 171: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @168: Silver Moonbeam

    I think I will have Mickey D’s losing weight style.

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 5:51pm

  172. 172: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    46 FW – You know, I kind of agree. I have a friend who’s son’s supposed to have ADHD. But he has absolutely NO problems focusing on computer games! He will sit there for hours playing and you won’t even know he’s there.

    So does that mean it’s ADHD only when he’s not doing what he wants to???

    Hmmm…..

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 5:51pm

  173. 173: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    #169 SLV

    Well as from Monday Macca’s is off the agenda for me, not that it was ever on the agenda LOL!!

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 5:52pm

  174. 174: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    #46 & 173 re ADHD

    I too have a problem with all these labels, how come when I was at school nobody acted up in this way? I don’t know if it’s about food colourings or discipline but I sure know it’s quite a newish phenomenen.

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 5:55pm

  175. 175: MelNo Gravatar says:

    Awww, shucks…thanks Butterfly Wings! I feel all smiley now! :)

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 5:57pm

  176. 176: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    108 Silver Moonbeam – you might want to look at the Insanity workouts too (you should be able to find them on Google). I have been doing it for only a month and am getting great results, even though I don’t really need to lose “weight” as such, but rather “fat”! But it seems i need to eat more because my weight keeps dropping!

    It also comes with a great menu plan. You have to eat 5 x per day (and you’re allowed bread!!!), and in the menu planner, you have 10 choices for each of your meals.

    So you basically have 50 choices of meals per day.

    And most of the recipes look yum!

    For breakfast today I had an omelet (2 eggs plus 2 egg whites) with spinach (their version had mushies), and one slice of whole grain toast with all-fruit preserves on it.

    Morning tea (which I just ate and it was delish!) was no-fat yogurt with an apple and walnuts mixed in. They say plain yogurt and add honey but I bought a banana and honey one and it was yummo!

    I’ll have a steak and salad wrap for lunch, then TH and I are indulging tonight so will eat whatever I want! :D

    I’m not strictly following the eating plan and I allow myself at least two indulgences per week and the weight’s still coming off.

    Thought that might help – and the fact that I lost an inch off my waist and my hips in only two weeks! I’ve not weighed or measured myself in the last week or so though – but I KNOW the fat is coming off.

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 6:04pm

  177. 177: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    Oh and yes it’s tough, but you can go at your own pace and slowly build up. He keeps saying to slow down if you need to or take a rest when you need to.

    Totally worth it for me though. :)

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 6:05pm

  178. 178: TiffanyNo Gravatar says:

    lol, Thanks, Moonbeam!:)

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 6:06pm

  179. 179: ZaraNo Gravatar says:

    ***137: Senior Lady Vibe 
    101: Silver Moonbeam***

    http://www.oprah.com/own-master-class/Jane-Fonda-on-Growing-from-Your-Pain-Video_1

    :)

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 6:07pm

  180. 180: TiffanyNo Gravatar says:

    Uh…yeah, here’s the other thing. I still haven’t heard from K about Friday. We talked last week, and he said he wanted to hang out then. Sent him a quick email the other day, and he *still* hasn’t responded. I don’t know if it was a definite or a maybe. It felt definite, but I don’t want to assume. And maybe part of me is feeling kind of meh about it, because I’m not even sure what it is I want to talk to him about….

    But I will say this, whenever I check in with myself about him, I definitely still feel that there is something there, in my heart. I’m not sure what it is, or what it means, or even if it’s a good thing. But there is some-thing.

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 6:09pm

  181. 181: LuzydelNo Gravatar says:

    I told him; I cried when I did, but I needed to let it out. Now I do not care if he contacts me again…well maybe I do, but there is nothing I can do to control that. I was feeling so tense around him, so jittery and fake.

    I told him that I was still feeling hurt for the things he told me once, that somehow those things changed me inside. That I was not looking for him to fix anything or do anything, but that I needed to let it out because it was not letting me move on to whatever is ahead of us, meaning being together again or go our separate ways.

    He told me he was really, really sorry for what he said that he cares about me etc. Now I feel so light inside, I can look at him and not feel so tense.
    Another step ahead for me…

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 6:10pm

  182. 182: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Tiffany,

    RE: #142 – It’s considered healthy to talk about inner feelings. But it is a social taboo to talk about loneliness. Oh well. It doesn’t change the fact that

    I FEEL LONELY.

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 6:11pm

  183. 183: maliNo Gravatar says:

    Yes, own it Brenda! It may be a social taboo, but I LOVE people who are real about their emotions and feelings… We rock!!

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 6:44pm

  184. 184: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Wowwwwwwww CF left me a beautiful voice message. It’s 2 minutes of sincere, wonderful compliments. I was having an awful day and I feel like there is someone in the world who sees me for who and what i am, and appreciates it and knows how to encourage it.

    And George Washington CD just emailed me a nervous, clever, page long request for another date.

    I feel so treasured and precious.

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 6:59pm

  185. 185: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    A friend of mine just posted this on her FB wall and I thought it kinda related to someone in particular (you know who you are) and to all of us here:

    ‎”How does one become a butterfly?” she asked pensively.

    “You must want to fly so much that you are willing to give up being a caterpillar.”

    Deep huh? ;)

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 7:06pm

  186. 186: TiffanyNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Brenda – I didn’t know it was a social taboo to speak about loneliness! I guess that’s why we have a million songs….

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 7:11pm

  187. 187: TiffanyNo Gravatar says:

    BW – I love that from FB! So relevant to your name! :)

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 7:12pm

  188. 188: siren songNo Gravatar says:

    Sometimes I feel guilty about cding. I want to heal this. I feel bad when men get angry at me about it. I know this is coming up to be healed. They aren’t asking me to marry them, so I am going to keep cding. Sinking into this yucky guilty feeling…

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 7:18pm

  189. 189: TiffanyNo Gravatar says:

    Ok, I am going to rant here for a minute about Jc – this is so that I don’t *actually* rant to him, somehow, accidentally, by email….

    OMFG!! The man/boy fights like a freaking child!

    I mean, it’s not just the name-calling. He’s all, “I do this, and you never do that,” pointy-fingers, blame, blame, blame.

    Trust me, *I* am not the one being super blamey here. Not that I couldn’t have been more gentle in my message. But still. I don’t think what I said quite warranted the horrendous, deeply personalized response that it got. In no way, shape or form did he even ATTEMPT to give me credit for anything I *did* do that he asked for, nor did he take responsibility for anything he might have done or said that might have hurt my feelings. He simply said that I was 100% wrong, and that he was basically right.

    Right, right, right. All he wants to be is right….grrr. Well, if it’s so important to him. Humpf.

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 7:19pm

  190. 190: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    He sounds like hard work Tiffany! Thank goodness you have us to vent to, otherwise I’d be letting him have it if I were you! lol

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 7:30pm

  191. 191: LILI 41No Gravatar says:

    54:

    Hi Starla,

    That’s what I did with my ex stalker: Ignored him.
    I deleted his texts without reading them and I stopped answering his calls.
    It took 2 years for him to stop, until he met my new B by fluke.
    He told D “you have a great lady, take good care of her.”
    He started seeing someone he’s really into and is finally leaving me alone.

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 7:33pm

  192. 192: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    This bit resonated strongly because I used to be that caterpillar:

    “You must want to fly so much that you are willing to give up being a caterpillar.”

    Sometimes it seems easier to stay the caterpillar than it is to become the butterfly, because becoming the butterfly means jumping out of your comfort zone and doing something you’ve not done before. It’s uncomfortable.

    Even though being the caterpillar totally sucks, you’re used to it, you’ve been one for so long, it’s “normal” to you… as much as you hate it…

    And one day something will spark a fire in you and you will finally believe that being the caterpillar is definitely NOT the way to live, and you finally become that beautiful butterfly! :)

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 7:33pm

  193. 193: FlowerChild77No Gravatar says:

    (((Brenda)))…I don’t think it’s taboo to talk about being lonely. I think it’s painful and self defeating to take those feelings to someone who is not able or willing to ‘go there’ with us.

    (I say this because you said, earlier, that you were lonely “for him” not for other human contact.)

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 7:36pm

  194. 194: TiffanyNo Gravatar says:

    Cat Blue – what you wrote about your ex being selfish and constantly berating you for NOT listening to you – that really struck a chord with me.

    I’ve been listening to Jc all along! He is ALWAYS complaining about what is going on in his life. Sometimes telling me good stuff, too. But the fact is, I listen to him A LOT. And I listen well. I am non-judgmental. And I don’t try to offer advice or “help.” Yet now he tells me I don’t listen.

    However, that said, I am going to make an effort to listen to what it is he is telling me right now, and try to respond in a way that feels good to me…

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 7:39pm

  195. 195: tennyNo Gravatar says:

    I want to express my feelings to CD Song, I want to tell him how he makes me feel, but I don’t want to use the word “you.” I could only come up with words. Spoke to a sister siren on the phone to get her take on it. I feel scared of the love I see in his eyes, but when I’m not feeling scared, I feel such wonderful things, and they are there on the tip of my tongue, but I remain silent, knowing my eyes give me away. I feel

    enchanted
    embraced
    adored
    engulfed
    safe
    happy
    intrigued
    wanted
    good

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 7:43pm

  196. 196: TiffanyNo Gravatar says:

    @BW – lol. Yeah, I tried that! Well, sort of…But it did not go over well. I am not good at being angry!

    I suck at communicating anger. That’s my worst. Always, no matter who I’m talking to, if I say the words “I feel angry” or “I’m pissed” or any variation thereof, the next thing I know, I’ve really got it coming at me. Like if I thought I was angry, suddenly whoever I am talking to is 12 times angrier than I am – AT ME – for BEING ANGRY. Sheesh. This is the story of my life.

    I KNOW there is something in this I need to heal, I am just not sure exactly what yet. I have worked so hard to be “less angry.” But I can’t BE less angry if I’m angry. If I am angry, I’m angry, right? How is it anybody else’s job to tell me the rightness or wrongness of how I feel????

    And forget expressing it…hm. Well, maybe I just need to go punch a pillow or something…

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 7:44pm

  197. 197: TiffanyNo Gravatar says:

    BTW, Brenda – yes I *did* make up the worrier/warrior thing! Maybe I should trademark it! lol I don’t even know what it means…it was just coming to me on the spot. !

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 7:45pm

  198. 198: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    awww i just hung up from a nice convo with CF, and now he’s texting me nice things.

    a few days ago, i used rori’s tools and feeling messages during a very tense moment with him, to let him know how good it feels when he leads, and that i TRUST him to lead (after demonstrating it repeatedly by not overfunctioning, too!), and he just turned it around immediately once he “got” it.

    I feel really safe and taken care of.

    I feel so grateful for Rori’s tools…you really can have the relationship you want with them.

    *lovey sigh*

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 7:49pm

  199. 199: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    i am releasing this MyGuy stuff. that is the lesson here.

    to let the guilt go. and to let it go without righteous indignation. let it go to keep my vibe right.

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 7:56pm

  200. 200: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Sirens,

    Feeling very, very sad tonight. When I got separated we had two 1 year old golden retrievers. My ex kept 1 and the other went to en employee of my inlaws. I couldn’t keep her, we were staying with my mom and she didn’t want a dog, plus I knew I’d be renting and usually you can’t have a pet. My girls were so small, I felt overwhelmed with a fiesty one year old, large dog who needed lots of exercise. Well, about 7 months after we separated, my ex volunteered to go to Iraq, thinking it would be a 6 month assignment. It ended up being 16. He left the male with a friend, but it wasn’t working out, so his mom found another temporary home for him a few weeks after he left. When he got back, the dog was deeply attached to the new family, and he was moving to DC, no way he could have a large dog. The woman who fostered him wanted to keep him, and she became like family, so he still gets to visit with the male when he’s in town. He texted me tonight to tell me the dog has 4-6 months to live. He has a 7 inch tumor on his spleen. If it burst before that, he’ll die immediately.
    I feel so wretchedly awful. I feel so sad for the dog, he’s an absolute sweetheart and a gorgeous, gentle creature. I feel exceptionally guilty, as this is another being that was harmed by my marriage falling apart. He had a good home, but they fed him too much people food, he didn’t get enough exercise, they just didn’t take the same care of him that we did. I know it doesn’t do any good to wonder what if… but if he’d had a healthier diet, or if we’d had him and taken him to a vet sooner, maybe we could have helped him.

    This is the first event that I’ve been seriously upset about in a long time…. I am sinking into my feelings, with tears streaming down my face, my heart hurts. I haven’t told the girls yet, still feeling hopeful C will take him to a different vet, that he could have surgery, be saved.

    I don’t know what my ex is feeling, beyond sad, as he sent me a few texts, but I didn’t speak to him. Even though he isn’t “our dog” anymore…. but hearing that he is sick, brings up a lot of old memories, and feelings…. knowing my failed marriage changed all our lives so much.

    My sadness feels like my throat burning, wanting to swallow with no relief.

    My sadness feels like cool tears sliding down my face, one following the next, I don’t even care to wipe them away.

    My saddness feels like sore eyes, a lump in my throat, and shallow breathing.

    My sadness feels like guilt and disappointment in myself, reminding me of all the “should haves, if only’s, I wonder whats…”

    My sadness feels a little worried. What else will go wrong? Did I have too much happy lately? Will C be ok? He’s been sad lately too, I feel it in his voice, I see it in his eyes. Will his guilt bring back old emotions for him too? Will he withdraw again? I feel terrible for L too… she fostered our lovely dog, fell in love with him, and now she’ll lose him.

    I feel sad, disappointed, guilty, sick… blah.

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 8:03pm

  201. 201: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    (((Turquoise))) I’m not sure there’s anything I can say that would make you feel better. I love dogs too and can only try to imagine how awful I would feel if my dog ended up in the same situation, so I’m just gonna send you a hug from down under and tell you to focus on how happy he’s been, with a family who loves him – that’s what really matters. xxx

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 8:14pm

  202. 202: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Starla,

    Sorry to hear your ex is being a pain. I’d give some variation of this.

    Dear ______,

    I feel frustrated that my wishes to not be contacted are not being respected. I have forgiven what happened, and am moving on with my life. Continuing to discuss the past, feels bad, and I don’t want to do anything that feels bad any longer. I don’t feel it’s good for either of us to focus on the past. I am sorry that things worked out the way they did, but I feel confident that something better is ahead for each of us.

    Take care,

    Starla

    Wow… really hard to leave the word you out!

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 8:16pm

  203. 203: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you for feeding me peas and meatballs
    thank you for taking me to the gym to work out my frustrations
    thank you for filing that paperwrok
    thank you for being brave in telling cf about my bad day. i know it is hard to vent to men and very triggering, but we did it!
    thank you for buying me wonderful water to drink
    thank you for taking nice care of me.

    let’s go read a book and drift off to sleep.

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 8:16pm

  204. 204: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    ohhh turquoise, you are so sweet to take the time to help me even though you are feeling bad yourself.

    ohhh sweet turquoise. i’m feeling SO cared for, thank you.

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 8:19pm

  205. 205: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks Butterfly Wings. I appreciate it, and he was very loved and very happy in his new home. She was a dog groomer, so he got to go to work with her, be around other dogs… he was happy. He had a fenced in yard, slept in bed with her and her husband… and had two other dogs at home to play with. He is such a sweetheart of a dog. My ex wanted a dog to run with him… instead we got this big baby with warm golden fur, who would get to the edge of the yard and sit down… the female was much more athletic and fiesty, just like her darker red coat. :) It feels good to remember them as puppies…. just the cutest things ever. We also bought them at a terrible time. A dear friend was killed in Afghanistan. We travelled 10 hours to be at the memorial and show our support to his wife, one of my dearest friends and their two children. Amid all that grief, we found a golden retriever breeder and had dozens and dozens to choose from. We picked the male, but the female chose us… we only planned on getting one, but the little red female was so darling, we couldn’t leave without her. I still miss having them, even though we have a miniature schnoodle… who is a complete love bug.

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 8:28pm

  206. 206: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    team stop procrastinating
    need to get off the computer and brush teeth/wash face/all that nice stuff!!

    be back to report!

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 8:32pm

  207. 207: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you Starla… sounds like you’ve had some wonderful and stressful days recently. I’ve been thinking about you a lot and feel confident everything will work out really well. I feel inspired by the growth I’ve seen since summer, and really encouraged that I can get my finances in such good order. XOXO

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 8:33pm

  208. 208: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Get my finances in such good order as you have Starla…

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 8:34pm

  209. 209: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Tiffany,

    RE: #186 – You said you didn’t talk about your loneliness.

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 8:48pm

  210. 210: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    I feel soooo good having them in order, like there’s a soft, safe place for all the money that’s coming my way to land.

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 8:49pm

  211. 211: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Tiffany,

    RE: #197 – I love it! I want to be a Warrior.

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 8:49pm

  212. 212: TiffanyNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Starla – This is pretty old news by now (things happen fast on the blog!), but I wanted to say thank you for sharing that letter that your ex/MyGuy wrote to you.

    What struck me the most about it was how much it sounded like – well, I don’t know about you gals – but at least some of the monologue that goes on in my head about guys if they do a similar thing to me. Like making justifications, and saying (or at least wanting to say), “I’d just like to see you to say blah, blah, blah. I just want to know why…” etc.

    And it struck me even more how useless it is! And of course, you are terribly annoyed by it all. So I guess, when we’re being like that – beating a guy’s door (or cell phone) down, because we just want to say “one more thing,” or wanting to have “closure” etc. – that’s what it looks like!

    Wow. What a mirror.

    Thank you for sharing that!

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 8:50pm

  213. 213: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Starla,

    I can’t wait until my extra money isn’t going to credit card bills and car repairs.

    I did get a really great piece of news… my nephew is getting married and when he was planning the menu with the caterer, he told her I make candy and will be doing all the candy for their wedding. She said she’d be very interested in getting my business cards and that she is the exclusive caterer for that location and could get me a lot of business!!!! My candy business has taken a back seat since I moved, just too busy. BUT, life is slowing down a bit and I’ve been wondering about what I could do to generate more income on a regular basis. I’m very excited to go talk to her, see what might materialize! :)

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 8:54pm

  214. 214: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Turquoise, I’m so sorry about your dog! You are actually the 3rd person today to tell me about their suddenly very sick dog, which is really strange, but it shows me that dogs do just get sick…it just happens (or doesn’t) even when we try to prevent it (or don’t), like it happens with all living creatures. Any clarity the dog’s illness brings to the topic of your marriage and how it fell apart should not be taken lightly and is a gift in this whole sad mess of his illness, but really it’s a coincidence that the dog that came out of your failed marriage got cancer. Sooo not your fault, turquoise.

    I’m sure you probably realize this already, though. But I want to give you some support around this, in case.

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 8:55pm

  215. 215: TiffanyNo Gravatar says:

    Brenda – Yay, warrior sirens!

    I think I said what I said about loneliness was that I prefer not to talk about it much. I did talk about it once with Jc (after he mentioned his own feelings). I am sure that I have talked about it before. I don’t see it as a bad thing, per se, or like a taboo – it might be. Talking about it sometimes seems to create more loneliness. I am VERY lonely. A lot. And I don’t like being lonely, but I do enjoy solitude.

    I think my point was, I don’t want to be hanging out with a guy and say, for example, “I’m lonely,” apropos of nothing. It would be like an invitation for cheap sex. I think we are *all* a little bit lonely. It is part of the human condition, and keeps us searching for company.

    To talk about real loneliness is fine. But to say it to someone out of the blue could seem or look like an invitation to have them fill your loneliness. So I believe it should be used with caution….

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 8:56pm

  216. 216: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Tiffany, at the rate things happen on this blog, I don’t consider anything “old news” until about 700 posts, haha.

    i’m happy to share. i share just about every romantic challenge i encounter on this blog, even the really ugly stuff, so i’m glad it is of value at times!

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 8:57pm

  217. 217: TiffanyNo Gravatar says:

    Turquoise – that sounds so awesome about the candy business! And I’m impressed that you can do that – it sounds so difficult. But also rewarding, I’m sure!

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 8:59pm

  218. 218: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    I agree Tiffany, I thought the same thing, about it being a mirror. Thank you Starla for sharing!

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 8:59pm

  219. 219: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Turquoise 213, that feels so exciting to read!

    I was feeling blocked on income/more money coming my way the other night, but then I had clear sources of money appear right before me! That I actually had access to the whole time!

    There is so much opportunity and abundance everywhere. It could be anything – stuff to sell on craigslist, starting a coin jar, finding extra work, calling the cable company to see if they’ll lower your bill…

    so many simple things to increase how much money we have.

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 9:01pm

  220. 220: TiffanyNo Gravatar says:

    Okay, so I’ve written out (I think) a pretty good response to Jc. It’s a bit long, so I don’t know if I want to cut it down. But I don’t want to leave anything out, either – I’ve already edited out a lot…

    I am just going to let it sit and percolate overnight before I send it, so I can get some rest and see it with fresh eyes in the morning. I’ll do the “FM” test – check every statement and see if it’s a feeling message, or if it’s in any way blamey or thinky. And if I still feel good about the letter, then I’ll send it.

    meanwhile, I wanted to say it felt so scary to be called a narcissist. That’s a really big fear for me. I’ve wondered before if I had that problem, and I told my therapist at the time, who said that a narcissist would never say something like that. The real narcissist in my life is my mother, and that’s for certain. She *definitely* would never say that about herself! lol. She thinks she is the most generous person ever. but she is so stingy. And she never – EVER – listens. Even when you are talking to her, it is like talking to a cement wall. She’ll parrot back what you say, but it doesn’t really sink in. Okay, I’ll give her some credit – she’s getting better. But it’s still like pulling teeth to talk to her, and I swear that even if she does listen, she still really only uses that to bolster her ego.

    Being raised by a narcissist obviously means that I’ve probably absorbed some of her unhealthy habits…

    It’s so weird how this person I have never met, and only emailed with has triggered so much in me about both my parents (he was reminding me of my dad not so long ago).

    So, okay. I still need to heal something about those relationships in me.

    And I can’t believe I’ve spent so much time on the blog today. But I really needed this. I needed to write this all out and process what was going on. I feel so grateful for the blog right now. And I feel so – SO – much better than I did this morning. Thank goodness!

    Hopefully, I will get a good night’s sleep and tackle more stuff in the morning!

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 9:10pm

  221. 221: TiffanyNo Gravatar says:

    Oh, and, speaking of tomorrow – I feel like glowing about this a little: Tomorrow evening, I am going to a women’s business meeting near where I live, where we are hosting – get this – SARK *and* Amy Ahlers. Yeah, I’ll be chillin’ with them. How awesome is that?? I’m sure I don’t even know yet how awesome it is going to be…. :-)

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 9:15pm

  222. 222: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Team stop procrastinating
    I gave myself a well deserved facial instead of just passing out without taking care of myself:)

    now i want to stay on the blog but i’m just procrastinating some really needed beauty sleep.

    goodnight sirens. leaving much love behind tonight. xxoo

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 9:17pm

  223. 223: blue roseNo Gravatar says:

    #99: Rori Raye

    there is a hotline: 1-800-suicide

    or call 911.

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 9:22pm

  224. 224: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    You are so not a narcissist, girl. i’m not a professional but i find that the ones who scream “narcissist” at others are generally freaking narcissists. he sees you trying to protect and care for yourself and feels resentful and threatened.

    also, plenty of us raised by narcissists have tendencies, because u have to take a narcissist stance at times to protect yourself from them…but we are aware of the tendencies as adults, and better, are working to stop them with an open mind and heart and commitment to enlightenment and happiness, and we live joyful lives in the end for the journey.

    You sound so brave and good. I’m glad you tried telling him how you were feeling. It really made his true colors come right out. yuck.

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 9:24pm

  225. 225: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    (((Turquoise))),

    RE: #200 – I feel sad with you. Now that you have a house, could you care for the dog in his last days?

    I know a lot of people would disagree, but here is my theory: I think a lot of dry dog food is very low quality and is causing tumors in dogs left and right. I had two dogs die of tumors.

    Then I found a naturopathic vet who brought one of my dogs back from death’s doorstep. He had liver and kidney failure. The vet (quantumvets dot com) “prescribed” raw hamburger and nine supplements.

    The dog went from barely eating, drinking, or going to the bathroom to doing all three. Within two weeks, he was shiny and energetic.

    The vet showed me a picture of a wolf on a magazine cover with his mouth open, saying, “Do you see any plaque on his teeth? He eats what a carnivore is naturally intended to eat: raw meat. They also eat the bones and the contents of the stomach of their prey. They can’t live on meat alone, like cats can.”

    I now feed my two German Shepherds a lot of raw meat. A friend from Russia said that there is no such thing as dog food in Russia. All dogs get “people food”, and they live to be 20-25.

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 10:04pm

  226. 226: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Tiffany,

    RE: #215 – That sounds healthy. When I say lonely, I am more talking about soul loneliness than sexual loneliness.

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 10:06pm

  227. 227: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @173: Silver Moonbeam says:
    “…#169 SLV
    Well as from Monday Macca’s is off the agenda for me, not that it was ever on the agenda LOL!! …”

    Really?
    TWO MacDoubles, no catsup. Throw away all four nasty white buns, add slices of fresh tomato and onion, wrap in curly green lettuce leaves. A bit of mayo or special sauce (mayo with no-sugar-added salsa and dot of Dijon mustard)

    Lots of cucumber slices with EVOO vinaigrette and/or green beans vinaigrette.

    Rootbeer floats….. ( I only had lemonade because I need a blender!)

    Yay!

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 11:20pm

  228. 228: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @179: Zara says:
    “…***137: Senior Lady Vibe
    101: Silver Moonbeam***
    http://www.oprah.com/own-master-class/Jane-Fonda-on-Growing-from-Your-Pain-Video_1

    Thanks! I look forward to watching later this morning when I can get the fast signal. JF was on a recent Dr. Oz tv show but I only saw the last couple of seconds.

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 11:26pm

  229. 229: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    #28 April Rose

    “Like the rose petal soft sand fairy dust shores to which no man, no label, no emotion gets trapped.

    Flowing to and fro and between……
    Endless mystery, fun, fascination…….”

    I love this. :)

    Tuesday, 24 January 2012 @ 11:54pm

  230. 230: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    #176 BW

    Sounds good and well done, but I will be doing Atkins (she says still trying to psyche herself up) after reading that online book it all just makes so much sense.

    I think your diet would be OK if you didn’t have much to lose like yourself, but I need to lose about 30lbs a lot of which has slowly crept back on me since I moved back to the UK, all those yummy cakes, biscuits and chocolates……….:(

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 12:03am

  231. 231: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    #137 Zara

    Thanks I will check it out later.

    Now there is one helluva good looking older woman, I know she has had some surgery, but still….

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 12:06am

  232. 232: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    #192 BW

    Me likey this analogy.

    Yes it is scary to creep out of your cocoon, for sure.

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 12:34am

  233. 233: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    #211 Brenda

    If you want to be a Warrior, then be one!! We can choose any role we like and get to be whoever we decide to be.

    It’s all up to you sister. :D

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 12:52am

  234. 234: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    #227 SLV

    Wow you better not come here we don’t even have half of those ingredients LOL!!

    Catsup = tomato ketchup – we call tomato sauce :)

    EVOO vinagraite, never heard of it lol!!

    No rootbeer here at Macca’s either.

    I am not really a fast food kind of person to be honest, except maybe fish, chips and mushy peas with loads of salt and vinegar, oh wow I am salivating thinking of that!!

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 12:56am

  235. 235: Cat BlueNo Gravatar says:

    52: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Cat Blue, I am angry because we’ve been over this more than once since August. I told him what the deal was when he came back to me 2 months after dumping me by unfriending me without a word on facebook. I thought everything was resolved. Then I ran into him one night and he asked for me to give him another chance. I said no. he said he hates me and sped off in his car. He left me standing there alone at 2 am in the middle of a bad neighborhood.

    Ah, I see what you mean. Sounds horrendous and I can understand why you don’t want any contact with him. Yuck.

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 2:14am

  236. 236: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    do i be ‘right’ or be ‘happy’ about the mystery of EVOO vinagrette

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 2:40am

  237. 237: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    ok congratulations daria youre home

    i had a first meeting with someone and i did not push to have him stay longer

    i felt MORE relaxed taht way actually.

    noticing i do not desire to call and hang out at T-mans house

    no mas i felt turned off last time

    also CD from last nite who i gave the 5 dollars to hasnt called

    i grt the impression he thatough *I* was selfish and i fell into a funk for awhile but now realizing

    i want to be more PROUD and SELF ASSURED that i dont pay on dates, and that this is GOOD

    and this was a wayh for me to see

    whats going on with me )))

    AH YES

    progress —

    todays meeting i coulda spaced out but i insisted on eye contact

    usually i let it go cuz im “shy” but now i really want to practice and notice how much more safe and connected i feel when i look them in the eye when they’re flirting with me or even when i feel embarassed

    aslo said something defensive to him and saw him withdraw.. asked are you amd, he said no, but i could tell it actually AHD bothered him im like whoa guys are sensitive

    and waht it was was ME had gottent defensive!

    instead of fming and telling the real

    hehahhaaha

    wow

    im progressing and taking some Big and Subtle babysteps that will make a huge difference for me

    now off to tout my new advantage – i dont pay on dates!! this is my new good and attracting quality and i intend to talk to men happily and directly about it’

    yes!!

    i will be That woman that feels entitled to be treated well on dates!

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 2:45am

  238. 238: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Love this post.

    I am going to wear the nametag ‘sl8t’ today.

    He he :-)

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 2:49am

  239. 239: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Great Big Sl8t.

    Yep, wearing it wih pride.

    This label is the scariest one for me… I want to own it.

    Daria – I still want you to design a clothes line with it written on…

    xoxox

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 2:52am

  240. 240: maliNo Gravatar says:

    Sl8t… I love it! What an awesome tag ;)

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 3:03am

  241. 241: maliNo Gravatar says:

    Day #3

    Dear Universe, I intend that on Valentines Day, I will be on a date with MedCD and A.
    One after another.

    I can feel the excitement of having MedCD in my life. And I can taste the hot chocolate I’ll drink when I’m on my date. Almond syrup… yum :) I can feel the excitement of flirting with him, and the deliciousness of being feminine and leaning back… basking in myself. Feels so good!! And he’s so hot!

    A… he’s come down to see me. And I feel so flattered and like such a siren.
    I can feel his charm… and I feel so comfortable, and cherished and loved. He is such a gentleman… and the fact that he knows that I like him.. it means I feel so free… the energy is just flowing.

    I’m having fun working at _______. I knew I’d get the job there. And my body: WOW. I feel so sexy and sleek and like such a SIREN!

    Universe, I trust you. Thankyou for having my back!

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 3:33am

  242. 242: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    “i am not as alpha as my sister” and guys notice this and treat her better and me as less worthy

    it happend with ny cd

    it ‘happens’ when i get ‘punked’ in public or in front of my CD

    it shows my weakness and my ‘low’ social status

    stuff i want to tap on

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 3:55am

  243. 243: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i had a realization that today with CD i reacted defensively >>> disconnect

    so im committing to not criticizing anymore

    wearing my labels and forgivving myself for even THINKING there could be somethign wrong bad about being

    “cold” or “ruthless” or “weak” or “pushy”

    yum me

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 3:57am

  244. 244: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i had an instnat o the no n critical state of mind and i felt so safe!

    i want to keep on to that!

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 3:58am

  245. 245: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Good morning Sirens!!!

    Hehe guess what girls? I think so much about speaking in feeling messages lately that I had a dream in feeling messages last night! Haha too funny!!! :)

    Silver Moonbeam – sorry that Mr Antonia was not your style :(

    Tiffany – I got your email. I couldn’t respond yesterday cause I was too busy at a conventum AND being a siren (hehe) but I will answer tonight and send you all the infos I have for you!

    I had a fun siren story, don’t have time to write it now because I have to run to get ready for work, but I’ll try to write it while in the bus a little later.

    xoxo Sirens!!!! :D

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 4:04am

  246. 246: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    theres no need to be “accurate” or correct or criticize

    tweak? we’ll see how it all plays out – for now, encouragement!

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 4:06am

  247. 247: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Oups Silver Moonbeam, that was I typo, I did NOT mean to say Mr Antonia. Lol lol. Mr Antonio, of course. :)

    And don’t worry, there is older and taller Mr. Antonios. And they don’t all probably live in Portugal!

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 4:06am

  248. 248: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Daria you are teh bomb!

    you do so many nice things for me!

    lean back my energy and reframe swtich perspective when i had thrown myself off the bridge

    put focus on me and my deserving everything i want no matter what someone else woudl THINK about its appropriateness

    thank you for brushing my teeth

    thank you for brushing my hair

    thank you for smoking my joint

    thank you for making eye contact with men and smiling

    inspired by rori sying be wamr to him smile at him

    mm

    thank you for insisting on food

    thank you for asking for dollars in a feeling message way!

    thank you for commiting to encouragement

    than you for takniga na bath

    thank you for noticint i feel slepey

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 4:12am

  249. 249: EmmieNo Gravatar says:

    So sorry for what I’m about to write….

    I have had a shocking day. Everything was going ok. I went on a date with this guy I really liked online- he seemed perfect for me, but then when we met something didn’t feel right, we didn’t click. Now he really likes me, is wanting to take down his online profile because I have (I only did because I don’t feel comfortable being on an online site) and he keeps messaging me. It feels nice that he likes me, but I’d be more than happy to walk away now and this makes me feel sad for him.
    WHen I got home I was feeling as though I wanted to go out so I rang my two best friends (they are boys). But both were heading to the gym with my ex and didn’t want to do anything tonight because they are having a big day tomorrow for Australia day. A party at another of my best friends house (another guy) which I have not been invited to because my ex will be there. This made me feel so lonely and secluded.

    I don’t know what went through my head but I decided to consult a pyschic to answer some of my questions. In the end I thought it was a load of trash because everything he said was general although he did say that My ex was never coming back and made an interesting comment that he is suffering but is being vindictive and is trying to steal something off someone (i put this down to either the dog we share which he has taken from me and I’ve no idea if/when she will be back and im 2 grand in debt for vet bills from when she was hit by a car…but also I have this feeling he is ‘seeing’ my ex best friend who I got rid of two years ago because she was telling him all these lies about me and trying to sleep with him). However, he did say that the date 12th of feb (i’d set for me and my ex to meet again if ‘we felt any love or another possibility’) was going to be a success and i’d see my dog again – I didn’t tell him either of these things had anything to do with my ex so I was confused by him saying my ex would never come back, but yet the two things my ex may be involved in were to happen….so this made me feel RUBBISH and I was feeling really depressed. My friend rang me, who’d id spoken with earlier and told me to come over so I went to their house and put on a brave happy face….half way through the night my ex rang them both to find out what time they were going to the party tomorrow. This made me feel awful and I made the mistake of asking if the girl would be there and also made a comment about how hurt I felt that I wasn’t invited. One of the guys said ‘well all you’d do is fight anyway’ and I replied ‘it still hurts im not allowed to be with my friends tomorrow’ and he replied ‘ well i cant do anything about that’….my heart sunk. I feel awful!!!!!

    I feel so confused, so hurt, im half way between tears and anger. Why does my ex get to have EVERYTHING. my dog, the job i got him, the friends i made and shared with him, the power and control over my feelings. I want to hate him so badly!!

    And it’s topped with more confusion because yesterday he changed his profile picture on facebook to a picture I know he likes and he initiated indirect communication (he unfriended me on fbook) through a comment that I had liked…and I know him, I know this isn’t coincidental. And im hanging onto it to make me happy, but now I feel awful.

    I’m sorry to write this here…I have no one else I can tell about it and I just feel so cheated and used and not seen for who I am. I AM A KIND PERSON, I AM LOVING, I AM IN LOVE WITH HIM…

    I dodn’t really want to hear how awful he is, I know it annd I can see it….but I also know he is a gentleman, and he is kind and loving and I messed up….I made the mistakes that sent him away and yes his actions have been awful since the break up…but….oh i dont know… I really want to crawl into a hole and never come out. It hurts so much….

    I am so sorry to write this here. I just don’t feel very sireny and I need some advice, please. Do i follow my instincts that I AM POSITIVE he will be back…do i follow the bloody stupid psychic i consulted, do i keep my word and not make contact when all i want to do is show him im hurting and i love him and i am changing for me, for the better….all i want is him to hug me and tell me it will be ok.

    xx

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 4:30am

  250. 250: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    #247 Lizka

    Oh I just found his reply sooo funny, cos you know I am such a Siren I don’t reply back to men right away LOL!!

    Here it is. :)

    its ok B…i could see by your late reply that you are also too busy…anyway it was always a pleasure to exchange some words with you…all the best babe…just to let you know that i go to England thousands of times as my Brother live there…lol lol

    kisses

    jose alberto x x

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 4:30am

  251. 251: EmmieNo Gravatar says:

    oh gosh – i just realised how long that was…im so sorry, i am rambling…i just feel awful tonight and i wish i was able to control myself more…at least I am doing it here and not down a phone line to him…

    sorry x

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 4:31am

  252. 252: maliNo Gravatar says:

    MALI, you are SUCH a Siren! :D

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 4:34am

  253. 253: EmmieNo Gravatar says:

    * facebook pic that HE knows I like, not the otherr way around , typo mistake :D

    wow. i do feel better writing this down and letting it out. sorry to take up so much space

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 4:35am

  254. 254: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    #249 Emmie

    Do you have the e-book? It’s only $20 USD and well worth the small price for the aha moments.

    If you can’t afford any of the programmes at the moment then I would go to the sidebar at the right hand side of this page and start READING up on what to do until one of the wiser Sirens shows up to answer you.

    Take care and try and have a good(ish) day tomorrow for Australia Day.

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 4:36am

  255. 255: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    #251 Emmie

    ABSOLUTELY no need to apologise for the length of your post at all.

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 4:38am

  256. 256: EmmieNo Gravatar says:

    @ silver moonbeam – i do have the ebook…but when i read through it (i know im meant to DO it) it felt more for people IN relationships…and well, im not…and also im trying to avoid it because it gives me hope…hope is a hard feeling to have if it’s balanced against uncertainty…do you suggest I go back through it?

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 4:40am

  257. 257: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Brenda,

    I would like to have the dog if he’s being treated and could recover, but I don’t believe the current owner would want to give him up. She really does love him, and I believe she’s not working right now, so he’ll have someone with him practically 24 hours a day. If it was just to bring him here to die, to wait for his tumor to burst, I wouldn’t do that to my children. I work full time, so he’d be here all day by himself, and if something happened, and they came home after school to a dead dog, it would feel very traumatic, and so scary. I also wouldn’t want them to get more attached, they’ve had a lot of loss to deal with in their short lives.

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 5:02am

  258. 258: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Team Stop Procrastinating….

    I have been, the last two days~! Ugh, but back on track. Last night I unloaded all the stuff I got from my stepmom, which had still been sitting in there since Sunday night. Normally when I get my oldest up for the bus, I lay back down for about 20 min. while she gets dressed. This morning I came downstairs, did some laundry, took out the trash, washed my dishes and put a bunch of stuff away. It feels soooooo good to see clean, flat surfaces in my home, and only took about 40 min. When I get home from work today I will vacuum, dust and start unpacking the stuff I got from my step mom, which is all still down in the gameroom.

    I can’t stay and chat this morning, need to get my youngest up, ready for school and drop her off on my way to work. I still feel very sad about the dog, but not as badly as I did last night. It’s not my fault he’s sick, I won’t blame myself, he’s a wonderful animal and I hope something can be done to help him. I pray my ex will have better news when I next hear from him.

    Make it a great day sirens!!!

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 5:08am

  259. 259: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    250 Silver MoonBeam

    No way?! Didn’t I said something the other day about his brother or sister living in England?! Wow!! I feel impress (by myself), lol!

    I must do clairvoyance or something… Hehe, just kidding.

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 5:12am

  260. 260: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Emmie 256

    Hi!

    When I read the ebook, I also thought that they were tools for girls in relationship too. My opinion is that in the book, Rori put the accent on women in relationship and gives a lot of ”marriage” issues, wich did not applied to me.

    But I came here anyway and I spent a lot of time reading how the other single sirens were using the tools and that’s how I learned that the ebook (and probably all the programms) ARE NOT meant to be read only by married women and that the advices can be use by everyone. Really. Maybe EVEN MORE, by single gals.

    So I suggest you take some time reading how all of us (specially the single ones) are using the tools in our lifes. :)

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 5:18am

  261. 261: maliNo Gravatar says:

    Erm…

    My friend left some money for me on the table a few days back for the rent (my father is the landlord), and I was to pass it onto him. The money was lying there yesterday afternoon according to my other flatmate, but wasn’t there in the evening. I left in the morning for university, and so when I looked the table yesterday, I saw that the money wasn’t there.

    So where has the money gone?! Apparently it was there yesterday, it wasn’t there at night…. And my housemates don’t know what’s happened to it.
    Logically I can’t understand.
    Emotionally I’m scared, because that’s rent money for my father.

    Erm… oh dear.

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 5:29am

  262. 262: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Soooo! The story!!!

    When we had our office Christmas party, I met this cute guy from another branch of the company. We talked but I was just a little siren in that time and I was not very Rori experimented. Lol. He added me on facebook (or I did?) but we never talked. Oh yeah I think one day he invited me to a party where he was mixing (he’s a DJ too) but I never answered because it sounded like he send this to many people (even if my name was in the message. Anyway, just didn’t feel like it.

    And yesterday we had a big conventum and I saw him. Actually, HE saw me. He was talking to another girl but he waves at me. And later, at the cocktail, I was at the bar, talking with some other collegues, and he came. And we talked for about an hour! And we (I believe) flirted… I was so much more sireny than last time. I think he was impressed. I practiced some tools but it was hard because I have had a little alcohol. Anyway, he said he would invite me to one of his party and later he said we’ll sre each other soon anyway. I said “Yeah, at the next Christmas party!” and he did a cute face that sounded like “no, way before”.

    Anyway, what I am really proud of is, it’s that when I felt that the conversation was going down, instead of staying and taking the chance that he says “that’s it” and goes talk to other people, I grabbed one of my collegue and said we were going to go smoke and I escaped.

    Later that night, I saw him looling at me. Yay… We’ll
    See what happen… I don’t really mind if I don’t see him again, but it would be fun! :)

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 5:35am

  263. 263: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    Emmie I agree with Lizka also you can watch the little Rori videos on here and youtube and get your little aha moments from there and you will see where you have probably going about things the wrong way, the way we were taught that was how women are supposed to act………until we arrived here onto Siren Island and learnt that there are better ways.

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 5:37am

  264. 264: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    #259 Lizka

    Oh yes oh clairvoyant one, can you please read my future (and make it a good one!!) :D

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 5:38am

  265. 265: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    @132 Tiffany – aw, glad you figured out my screen name! (I cleared it up for a bunch of people in a previous thread and it definitely produced some giggles.) It feels really good to know that you found my post helpful. :) I hope you feel better about the JC situation. If nothing else, he can be good practice for you, and maybe help you figure some things out. But don’t feel afraid to wait for what you feel like is “real.” You deserve it! <3

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 5:53am

  266. 266: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Ohhhh!! And also, during one of the presentation, I felt sleepy so I started going through the pictures
    in my phone an I found a pic of the citizenship card of S. Lol. I took it that night when he came meet me at one of my office party we had in December. The night we ended up together. Justfor you to remember,S and I have “lightly” dated in 2007 and then we become friends. He is E’s best friend too.

    So I took that picture because, hum hum, he is very young on the picture and has long hair and… Well isn’t too cute on it. So we were drunk amd we both made fun of the card that night (he actually started), so when he didn’t look, I took a pic.

    And yesterday, almost 2 months later, I found it.

    So I sent him the picture in text message and wrote “I’ll use it against you onr day”

    And he was like “hey how did you get this picture” haha and I explained and I thought it would have end there but no! He started chatting with me and asked questions about work, my trip, my weekends! Yay!

    And for probably the first time, I FEEL VERY PROUD THAT I ANSWERED ALMOST ONLY IN FMs!!! Wouhou sireny me!!!! And once he sent me a mesaage that was not a question and instead of trying to pick up the converdation by trying to find something to say (that often feels awful!), I just turned my attention back to the presentation and didn’t abswer. That’s right, I let him hanging! A few months ago, I would have never done that!!

    So now ai bet he feels all intrigurd because I was all funny and feeling and… Poof!

    And I know I leaned forward by sending the pic but it felt fun and I really had a good feeling. But now I’m leaning way back again… And we’ll see what happens!!

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 5:54am

  267. 267: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    @ tenny 195 – feels so good to read that someone CAN feel like that! I’ll pray for your courage. You can do this! :)

    @ 200 Turquoise – I feel so sad reading that and I feel so sad for you. (((Hugs)))

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 5:54am

  268. 268: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    : Are You What He’s Looking For?

    I’d love to help you meet and keep a wonderful man. Not just any guy, but the one that’s a great match for you. In fact, I bet that you feel the same way as many of my clients who can tell me in crystal clear detail exactly what they’re looking for in a man. What’s always interesting to me is how they respond when I ask this question:

    “What do you think the man you want is looking for in a woman?”

    Honestly, most women just pause and say, “Well, um, I’ve never thought about that before.” They often haven’t taken any time to consider it from his perspective other than say a man wants someone that is attractive. I can tell you that it’s more than that.

    The man you’re dying to meet and be with has qualities that he finds irresistible in a woman and he doesn’t want to settle either.

    When I say this, the most common response I get is a woman saying that she needs to be perfect. That’s not how men think about women, but here’s how to think about your future soulmate:

    “Am I the woman that the man of my dreams for is looking for?”

    Does your personality fit with the type of man that you want to be with? Are there any bad habits that you need to improve upon? Have you made excuses for the way you’ve acted in your past relationships?

    When I ask these questions to a client, sometimes I get a defensive response like “You act as if it’s all my fault.” Let me tell you now that I don’t think it’s all your fault. In fact, if I could speak to all the men you’ve ever dated I’d gladly tell them what they’re doing wrong.

    The problem is that they won’t listen to me, which leaves me with you. I don’t want to leave your future up to luck or chance. I want you to experience the love you were meant for. So please, ask yourself these 3 tough questions:

    1) What does the man I want desire in a woman?

    2) What qualities inspire him that I’m not practicing?

    3) What can I do to acquire these desirable qualities?

    Spend some time on these questions. Dare to have the relationship you’ve always dreamed of by beginning to change the things that you know you need to change and you’re on your way to a wonderful relationship.

    Bob Grant

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 5:54am

  269. 269: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    also, I just feel really good and centered today. I “love” my new CD, seen-me-cryCD. I feel so good and calm with him. He seems really humble and I love the way he laughs at the silly things I say. Feels good to be getting to know someone new. :)

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 5:57am

  270. 270: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    So the best thing of that day is that I was so busy being a fantastic siren sitting on my rock thhat I almost didnt have time to think about P!!that feels goooood!

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 5:58am

  271. 271: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    RE 200 Turquoise that was beautiful I know you feel sad but I am not mourning with you. I believe this was meant to be. Such a great opportunity to experience deep feelings. Though this might sound morbid, it might be the Universe sending you the catalyst you need for the next stage in your life. Is this a juncture to accept what is?

    I see it as an opportunity to share those deep feelings with your ex. An opportunity that could possibly get him going deep into his emotional body and sharing that with you. An event that could deepen the emotional bond between you.

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 6:00am

  272. 272: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    Oh wow Zara I can’t thank you enough for introducing me to Oprah’s Masterclass series, I’m not sure if it’s just clips on the website or whole stories, but I am just loving what little I have seen so far.

    I can so relate to Jane Fonda being outside herself when she left Ted Turner, and of course I didn’t have the glamorous lifestyle she did but I did have a pretty nice house with swimming pool etc. and then one day I became what I call the “observer” and I knew I had to leave my husband when I looked at him from “another place” like I had stepped outside of my body, and I too moved with my daughter into a much smaller place………

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 6:04am

  273. 273: MelNo Gravatar says:

    Lizka,

    “the best thing of that day is that I was so busy being a fantastic siren sitting on my rock that I almost didn’t have time to think about P”

    Yay! Good for you sweetie! Sounds like you are rocking Rori’s tools. You may even find yourself starting to feel bored with P even! ;)

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 6:06am

  274. 274: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Ohhhhh again! And I also called DjCD at the end of the night because I never feel guilty of call him because he calls me often and he seems to appreciate when I call and its more friendly calls anyway.

    So I called him and we talked and when we were about to hang up, he did this sound of kisses with his lips. It just felt sweet and cute.

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 6:28am

  275. 275: NadiaNo Gravatar says:

    Rori, this was beautiful. It keeps with my recent practice of accepting what IS in my life as a part of some divine plan. And that includes who I am. Thank you.

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 6:33am

  276. 276: MelNo Gravatar says:

    Yesterday I was really surprised… and I was also reminded that often people treat others how they would wish to be treated in any given situation.

    This week I have been really busy at work. 12-hour days and a little bit of stress (but the exciting fun kind). Mr. A knew this, and as a result was not “bugging” me with emails/texts or asking me to come over. In his mind, he was trying to respect my time and not be too demanding or inconvenience me in any way.

    Meanwhile, I’m thinking: Mmmmm! I miss him…. gee I wish he would ask me over tonight. It would feel so nice to get a back rub or a big hug after my long day! And I’m feeling kinda disconnected because I do so love to get texts from my Mr. A!

    So last night, right as I was going to bed, feeling kind of lonely, my phone rings and it’s him. Now, you should know that he almost NEVER calls me. He HATES talking on the phone… with ANYONE. No joke… if the phone rings at his place, he will not answer it. People know that they have to call him like 3 times in a row if it’s some kind of emergency or he just won’t pick up. He just expects them to leave a message and he will call back when he feels like it. The guy doesn’t even have a cell phone. So the fact that he was calling me was like a very rare event.

    And what does he say? “Hey Mel… I’ve been trying to leave you alone this week, but I’m really missing you over here and just wanted to hear your voice…”

    Soooooo sweet! He also told me that he would really like me to come to stay with him as soon as I could because he really misses seeing me and talking to me and being with me.

    The funny part is that he thought I would want some space… likely because he would want it… but was really missing me. At least I know what he would appreciate when he’s got a really crazy busy week. We can learn a lot about how to treat others by how they treat us, I think.

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 6:33am

  277. 277: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Mel you are such a smart cookie.

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 6:47am

  278. 278: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Breathing Life Into Your Soul Mate
    How do you begin your day? Do you jump out of bed, dash to the gym, and then rush to work from there? When the alarm wakes you from slumber, do you give yourself a moment before the mad rush of your day takes over? You have so many responsibilities between work and family. Most of the time you are rushing from one place to the next without stopping, then fall into bed exhausted at the end of the day, or lie awake with your thoughts spinning with all you did not get done. Who has time to find Mr. Wrong, let alone Mr. Right?

    I’d like to suggest that you try something new. Let him find you. Put the Law of Attraction to work for you. Wake ten minutes earlier each day. For those ten minutes, breathe slowly and deeply. As you do this, smile and feel the pleasure in your body and mind. You are giving yourself several gifts in these ten minutes.
    You are filling your body with nourishing breath, releasing tension and relaxing your body and mind. At the same time, you are also energizing your cells bringing the deep fresh oxygen in and taking toxins out. You are also setting your day in a positive way. You will be centered, relaxed, and energized from a sense of calm rather than a frenzied mad dash. You are creating healthy cells for a healthy body. You do want to feel great when you meet Mr. Right, don’t you?

    ‘This is all well and good, but how is breathing deeply at the start of my day going to help me find Mr. Right?’ you may be thinking. The answer is simple. While you are breathing you will be focusing your attention on that which you are creating, in this case a loving and healthy relationship to enjoy. You will be feeling how wonderful this is and expressing gratitude for the opportunity to invite love into your life. This will trigger joy in your body, and you will begin your day in a happier state. Over time you will experience this happiness through more of your day. Happy people attract happy people.

    More importantly, by deep breathing and focusing on your breath, you quiet your mind from the constant chatter of thoughts that reside there. So your mind is receptive to new thoughts, which translates into a newer energy. You are less resistant to holding onto the old non-supporting thoughts that go unnoticed most of the day, yet take up residence in your energy body and mind and create your experiences.

    You will program your sub conscious with loving thoughts of being ready for love. After several slow, deep breaths, begin repeating, “I am love. I am ready for love.” As you exhale repeat, “I am love. I am ready for lasting love.” Use any affirming words that resonate with you. Do this for ten minutes every morning, and raise that energetic flag to the universe to send this message of readiness to your soul mate.

    You are engaging your energy in a positive and loving way. You are speaking to your subconscious mind and creating a new thought pattern, which will create new pathways in your brain. These pathways create a network that spreads into your cells, creating new cellular memory. In addition, activating all of these energies in your mind and body raises your vibration and this energy is felt in the universe.

    That’s why it is so important to be mindful of our thoughts and feelings. What we put out is what we receive. By activating the feeling and visualizing being in love and happy in a healthy relationship you begin to create that reality by design. Beginning each day in stillness, breath and visualization meditation is one way to do this.

    So stop chasing after Mr. Right and start activating your energetic attraction tower to invite him home to you.

    You can check out the many benefits of deep breathing in the article, “18 Benefits of Deep Breathing and How to Breathe Deeply?”. Another more in depth article boasting the health benefits, is Deep breathing — the truly essential exercise.

    Cheri Valentine

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 6:49am

  279. 279: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Turquoise,

    RE: #257 – Totally makes sense. I feel your pain. I have had a lot of loss in the dog department. My heart goes out to you.

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 6:58am

  280. 280: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Silver Moonbeam,

    RE: #233 – Love it! Yep, I choose to be a Warrior!

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 6:59am

  281. 281: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    I love you ladies so much! Thank you for being there for me! Out for the day with Lucy!

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 7:01am

  282. 282: MochaberriNo Gravatar says:

    @ Mel #276 – WOW!!! i’m feeling really connected to you with this post. The same thing happened to me last night. A couple weekends ago – KR and I went on a date that he planned and we had the most amazing time.

    Anyway, I reached out to him last week just to check in and say hello – I leaned forward a little – I know. Things for me have been a little hectic and I’m really getting the hang of CD’ng myself so that was the only call that I made. Since my phone call I had not spoken to him because I was focusing on me and at first it felt a little weird but as time went on that went away. I found myself getting a bit anxious – I was missing him.

    Well last night he called me!!! He said that he couldn’t sleep and was sorry for waking me up. I said that it was really great to hear his voice and I missed him. I teased him about not being sorry for waking me up as if he missed me and he said isn’t it obvious that I do. I said that feels good to hear and that I was joking about not being sorry – his response was I know.

    We chatted a bit more and he said that he wished that I was there to help him go to sleep. He then said he would call earlier. There were a few breaks of silence and the old me would find things to say to fill them up – the siren in me did not – what I did was take care of me by breathing and streching which got to him in a good way because he asked me why was I making those noises – I told him what I was doing and he let me know that they were turning him on – Yay for me exercising my femininity!!!!!!!!

    So I do agree with you on your view of treatment of other people.

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 7:13am

  283. 283: MelNo Gravatar says:

    Mochaberri,

    Also… something else that I can take with me from this experience (as can you) is that just because we don’t hear from a guy, doesn’t mean he isn’t thinking of us!

    So the next time my NVs whisper at me because I’m feeling piney or hormonally attached or needy… I’m just going to picture him sitting there on his couch thinking “I’m really missing you over here Mel!” Because he likely is! ;)

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 7:21am

  284. 284: MelNo Gravatar says:

    This one’s for you Camille… :)

    A cute story about accents and Mr. A.

    I am from a different part of the country and have only been living in my current city for two years. The English speakers here (I think) have a bit of an accent. I notice it most in the way that they pronounce some vowel sounds. For example the ‘ar” in ‘car.’ It sounds a bit more nasal, like how a pirate says Arrrr! I have been teasing my Mr. A a little because his “accent” is quite apparent to me. I get all giggly and try to imitate him and we have a good laugh.

    He has been trying to convince me that I too have an accent. But he’s been unable to give me an example of a word he finds that I say strangely. This morning, I get a text from him that says: ” ‘certain’…. this is an example of your accent coming through!” I don’t believe him though. We will have to do some comparisons when I see him tonight.

    Cute! I can just picture him driving to work this morning, thinking of me (of course!), and wracking his brain trying to come up with an example. We’ll see if it has any merit! :)

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 7:37am

  285. 285: CamilleNo Gravatar says:

    Awww Thanks Mel,
    I needed to hear a cute story today.

    Im having a difficult time this morning.
    Im focusing on all the wonderful things about “T’ im gonna miss. I dont know why IM doing that to myself. I just am.

    Have a heavy heavy feeling in my stomach, on the verge of tears.

    Regretting that I ever “made waves”

    I hope this passes.

    IM thinking things like what I was griping about wasnt so bad, and after being on POF………..he really looks like a great guy………feeling so sad

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 7:50am

  286. 286: SondraNo Gravatar says:

    So . . . I have been on several more dates with my new Match guy and Wow! He is extremely attentive and seems interested in making me happy as his number on goal in life! Last night he told me that he loves me and that it is scaring him to death! He asked me how I managed to make him fall for me so hard and so fast . . . I actually said, leaning back and smiling, “I just unzipped my chest and let you see my heart” . . .

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 7:55am

  287. 287: CamilleNo Gravatar says:

    eeek……..NV’s are in full force today.
    Thinking some other woman is gonna meet him and get everything he offered me and some other woman would appreciate him so much more than I did.

    He wont even miss me..

    Bluck, that really makes me wanna cry.

    Is any man gonna do what he did for me? And why would they want to?

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 7:57am

  288. 288: CamilleNo Gravatar says:

    Go Sondra…..that really is a beautiful to say

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 7:59am

  289. 289: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Now another guy is harassing me. Another guy who disappeared passive aggressively, and then flipped out when I wouldn’t bend to his beck and call. I want him to leave me alone. This morning he’s acting like i “accidentally” texted him, and even made up some bogus content of the text i supposedly sent. I feel judgmental, like ‘what a loser, grow up!’

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 8:02am

  290. 290: TiffanyNo Gravatar says:

    @Starla – thanks for what you wrote in #224. Whew! That feels like such a relief. sometimes I feel like I am being gaslighted by the people who call me “crazy” – or whatever other kind of label. But really it has more to do with them, and it just activates all this fear in me….

    Right now I am doing a little dance with myself – to respond to his message or not to?

    I’ve written out what I believe is a beautiful letter of response, which gives him some attention, but is mostly soft and about me and how I feel (not in a harsh way at all).

    The problem with narcissists (and I know this because of my mother) is that they demand love and demand it, and demand it. But you can never really satisfy them. I could give him every single thing he says he needs, and he could still come up with something that is missing and hold me “at fault” for not supplying it (as if I should know) – if I set myself up to be in that position. You can throw love into the void, and if you do that, you have to be willing to let it go, because it sure as heck isn’t coming back to you. They absorb it and turn it around so that they suddenly need more love….

    This is my experience. And maybe he isn’t like that. But I’m starting to see that he might be. And so I’m wary. I want to send him something, and I want to end on good or better terms than I feel right now. But I don’t want to send too much. I don’t want to “give out” more than I feel comfortable with, because I can’t know for sure that anything is coming back to me.

    Thanks so much, Starla. I feel incredibly validated to hear that those who cry “narcissist” are probably talking about themselves….

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 8:07am

  291. 291: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Tiffany, sorry for not being more in the loop, but how do you know this guy? how many dates have you gone on?

    he sounds like someone i would just. stop. talking. to.

    the universe might be sending him your way to teach you how to withdraw entirely from drama baiting. don’t get hooked in. it’s all your choice.

    have you had a tendency in the past to get baited into tiring dramas?

    i’m totally projecting my own experience on you, so if i’m way off, please forgive me!

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 8:10am

  292. 292: TiffanyNo Gravatar says:

    @Brenda 226 – yes :)

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 8:11am

  293. 293: MelNo Gravatar says:

    Camille,

    You didn’t make waves. As a siren, you know what you need in a partner. Sometimes giving yourself the ‘right’ to having that perfect relationship causes short-term pain. We have to let go of what is familiar (but not necessarily the best for us) to have the room to allow something better to flow in. If ANY waves were created, they were just ripples of love coming towards you; cleansing, nourishing, caressing ripples.

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 8:13am

  294. 294: RoseNo Gravatar says:

    Feeling sick, home for the 2nd day today..I think it is some sort of stomach virus..

    Just wallowed in my sick an sorry for myself feelings, felt resistant to help from r..he wanted to come over..

    Today i feel good about him coming over to bring me things and help maybe..feeling so tired and weak..

    I realize I always feel resistant to accepting help from him when I am sick, like not feeling comfortable about him seeing me not at my best..I look pale and have dark circles under my eyes..I don’t have energy to put on my concealer..

    I am open now for help, feeling appreciative and welcoming it today hmmm

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 8:16am

  295. 295: Jessie1000No Gravatar says:

    Rori, in reading what you wrote about suicidal letters, I felt very bad. It must be difficult to have so many women in contact with you but be limited by the anonymity of the internet! WHile face to face limits how many people you can reach, the internet is boundless…however, you can do that everything.
    FUnny thing, you know how I found your website? Me and my husband had just broke up, he moved up and my little son was only 4 months old. I was so sad, and in the depths of despair…honestly. I had my laptop and I typed in google: “how to get over a break up” and for some reason your website was the first server that it picked up. I opened your website and I have been reading it ever since. Every second I read it helped and I threw away my self help books…except for Dance of Anger by Harriet Lerner because she is right on the money too….and now look at me! Doing my PhD! Raising my son with the help of friends now and he is fine and 5 years old. Got lots of new boyfriends and opportunities to marry if I want and everything has been up since then. Strange thing eh? At least, long story short, you help the “suicidey” in me lol thats what my oldest son calls his little brother when he tries to leap off things or be dangerous…we joke about how theres some of that in everyone but its up to all of us to keep each other safe…not just one person! Your forum is helping and all the people on the forum help each other!

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 8:20am

  296. 296: CamilleNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks Mel,
    Thats just how I’m feeling today. Im feeling the loss. And Im wondering if it even bothers him (which I should not be doing) any of this.

    I just am.

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 8:27am

  297. 297: MelNo Gravatar says:

    It’s okay Camille. You feel how you feel. Don’t resist it, just feel it. Cry, grieve… get out those emotions so that you can clear a space for new feelings to creep in.

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 8:32am

  298. 298: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Jessie, thank you for sharing! I felt the same way reading Rori’s post. I actually found Rori because I was so su*cidal trying to figure out how to get a toxic, abusive man to just love me right, and I discovered how toxic I was myself. Fast forward a few years and I was at that same place, feeling su*cidal cuz I was with the wrong man, and even worse, I was putting all the responsibility for my happiness on him.

    I really was su*cidal so I started seeing a therapist, but Rori’s been the biggest help, and the least expensive, too! Managing your emotions is a huge part of Rori’s work. Love you, Rori, thank you!!

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 8:33am

  299. 299: Lush_OasisNo Gravatar says:

    G’morning Siren Island!

    Just a bunch of random thoughts here:

    Quote for the day [reminded me of Iama's message about her friend's FB status. Interesting the timing on these 'coincidences']:

    “A dream is your creative vision for your life in the future. You must break out of your current comfort zone and become comfortable with the unfamiliar and the unknown” – Denis Waitley

    *****
    I received a catalog in the mail the other day with a wide variety of clothing, “symbolic jewelry, and fantasy artwork”. I felt inspired by many of their products; though I’ve never ordered from this company and can’t speak to their quality, etc. I suppose its more of the symbolic / metaphorical aspect that intrigues me.

    I felt tickled by their comment that “[They] offer Goddess sizes at no extra cost!” It doesn’t apply to me; but my first reaction was ‘its nice to have a company acknowledge us as goddesses’ and then ‘its nice that a company doesn’t upcharge for this’ :D

    They also have jewelry with a stone for all of the Chakra’s :-) [Daria, I thought of you first when I came across this page]

    Brenda; there’s a bracelet saying that made me think of you but is so universal for all of us Sirens. I’m sure you’re well aware of this one already, but its uplifting just the same: “Love is patient. Love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not rejoice in evils but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perserveres” I Corinthians 13:4-7

    Iama and many others: “NEVER GIVE UP: Just when the caterpillar though the world was over, she became a butterfly”

    “Not all who wander are lost” — this one is on a ring; I liked the phrase; and couldn’t single any one Siren out — it fits many of us :D They say its from Gandalf in “LOTR”

    Daria and many others, a quote inscribed on a ring for men or women from Gandhi, “Nobody can hurt me without my permission”

    *****
    Ok — I’m off my soap box now. I just felt moved to share those quotes with the other Sirens here :)

    Hope everyone has a great day!

    T-Girl — how’s your daughter? Hope all is well
    Brenda — your posts feel stronger each day; {{ }} yay!
    Liz — congratulations on the open house
    Turquoise — I feel your sorrow and pain; {{ }}

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 8:35am

  300. 300: siren songNo Gravatar says:

    I feel so sick today! I hate colds.

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 8:48am

  301. 301: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Lush thanks for sharing that.

    The magazine sounds like something that would have some gems for a vision board.

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 8:57am

  302. 302: MelNo Gravatar says:

    Here’s another great Rori article about “labels” this one’s a goodie!

    http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/dating/if-we-think-about-something-do-we-attract-it/

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 9:12am

  303. 303: TiffanyNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Starla – No, I don’t think you are way off. This is total drama out of nowhere, and I think I did just get baited. That is because of my essential desire and nature to please. *sigh* But I can’t help who I am, and if that’s who I am, then I just have to love it.

    I did end up sending my lovely message, and I saw that he wrote back (he usually does, pretty quickly), only I am afraid to read it, because I just have this deep sense that, regardless of anything I said, he is still going to say, “No way, I don’t want to talk to you.”

    Which is kind of lame because – ugh – I nearly didn’t even write back to him at all, because *I* don’t want to talk to a guy who isn’t treating me well. blech. Maybe I am just getting overly worried. And maybe it’s just that a big part of me is SOOOO ready to just let this go. I wasn’t begging. I wasn’t pleading for him to stay in contact. I AM ready to let this go. Because I am SO tired of putting myself out there and then just getting hurt. (yeah, I’m a masochist, too, apparently). I do it, and I don’t even realize it.

    So I feel like that’s what I’ve done – given my best, and it’s just going to hurt. Well, I guess I’m ready for the backlash. And since he’s been unreasonable already, I am just going to not take it personally. I know that he has his own issues, entirely separate from me.

    Maybe this was a nice distraction, and it IS time to move on to something better – more real.

    Here’s the thing you probably missed, Starla – he lives very far away from me. He’s mentioned once or twice vague intimations of being closer, or wanting to be. But overall, he’s balked at any real connection or intimacy. We’ve only spoken by email, and a few times by chat – but that was too much for me, because it was too close and personal for someone who wasn’t making the effort to come closer.

    Well, there you have it. He’s probably a big waste of my time, at this point. And it doesn’t matter. I have so many bigger fish to fry today, and so many things to worry about, that I am going to put it in the back of my mind – take as long as I want to get around to reading his message. And then I have to commit myself to – gulp – maybe not even responding to him, if what he says isn’t nice, and doesn’t agree with me.

    Thanks for your support!!!

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 9:15am

  304. 304: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Rori Raye Relationship Tip:

    Is A Relationship Supposed To Be Easy?

    Is this true: The ONLY thing that gets in the way of a relationship being easy is our own stuff?

    I say yes. That it’s…

    …Our own fear of intimacy that derails love.

    ***Where we actually don’t FEEL it for a great man who loves us, where we try to create obstacles, where we shut down, where we want more (or less, or different…)

    Where a man has stuff going on (moods, sexual issues, etc..) and WE’RE making it about US and are afraid to talk about it with him.

    The truth is – and every one of my relationship coach friends says the same thing from their own marriages and client’s experiences:

    With the right man – – it’s easy.

    And – to help more – WHY is it easy?

    Because the “right man” has a simple equation:

    His love for you and desire to make you happy and keep the relationship going strong is MORE important to him than his own comfort zone.

    He’d rather be embarrassed about his mistakes and “issues” than lose you or have the relationship decline and you be unhappy.

    He’d rather talk through stuff (and he’s able to do that) and work through stuff and make discoveries and changes than watch you be unhappy and frustrated and lose the relationship.

    It’s really simple. To Mr. Right: YOU are GREATER THAN his concerns about himself.

    Your happiness = his happiness

    On a day-to-day level, it might not look like this. On some days, his personal pain, fear and issues may block his love and he may run.

    Same for you – you may not receive his love when he gives it because you’re feeling angry and resentful and stuffed feelings down – and you may block him in other ways (by focusing on men or other things “out there”).

    But when push-comes-to-shove – with Mr. Right – you KNOW he’s going to come through.

    You KNOW he loves you.

    You KNOW – because of the collection of all his ACTIONS in your relationship over time – that he’s going to put the relationship ahead of his issues and you’re going to be able to work through ANYTHING.

    Therefore – the “working through” may not be easy because it requires US looking inside and exposing ourselves and rising above our OWN defenses and comfort level!

    But the RELATIONSHIP is EASY.

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 9:16am

  305. 305: MelNo Gravatar says:

    And here’s the “snack” article… one of my favorites and one that really motivated change in me…

    http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/dating/is-your-man-just-a-snack/

    Just felt like sharing today before I go to lunch. :)

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 9:16am

  306. 306: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Tiffany, so this man tells you he doesn’t want to be in touch (even if he’s wrong), you say OKAY you’re right. Or say nothing.

    Don’t you dare martyr off your self esteem for idiots like that!!!

    Sorry for my intense tone. Again, projecting my own experiences!

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 9:23am

  307. 307: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Mel I find it interesting that labels are coming up again.

    “What happens when we “label” a man? Meaning – labeling a man “toxic” or a “sociopath” or a “narcissist,” as we do sometimes here, and as I do in my Toxic Men program.

    The “Law of Attraction” concern is that if we start thinking about men in those confining ways – we’ll create more of that in the world, and sort of fulfill our own expectations around attracting men we label with those “qualities.”

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 9:23am

  308. 308: sensualNo Gravatar says:

    @249 Emmie i feel touched and sad to hear your story, but also I feel hopeful and positive for you because only 2 years ago I had moved to the other side of the world partly due to a relationship and after the relationship ended, all my new friends in this new place were invited to my ex’s house on xmas day for a party that went through to the evening. I ended up alone and crying on xmas day. I had lunch with one man who is a friend and 2 of his friends i had never met before, and then I spent the evening alone while all my friends were at the party at my ex’s. Your story reminds me of this, but I will say that time will heal all of this. It takes a little time to be friends with or completely get over an ex and I wish for you to go out somewhere fun, even to the movies or on a CD or even have a relaxing evening in with your self and some indulgences and to feel happy knowing that it will all turn out great in the end :)

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 9:25am

  309. 309: kristinNo Gravatar says:

    I normally don’t post here, been reading all of your wonderful insights and learning so much but not speaking up. I was always the “shy” type. In fact, this is the reason I am speaking up on this one, ironically.

    This idea of embracing EXACTLY who we are, and creating our own definition or label of what that is, instead of accepting others labels rings SO true I have to comment. It allows me to love my shyness instead of feeling bad about it and ironically creates a new opening for me…I can now share!

    Rori, you are amazing. I have bought most of your programs because they have resonated with me more than any other therapy…and I have had a lot!

    Your messages have taught me HOW to love myself, ALL of me, not just the popular parts:) And I am able to shift the focus from my 2 ex husbands and several past failed relationships off of THEM and take responsibility for my own part. What an amazing gift, and true empowerment!!

    I attract men that treat me poorly, don’t take me seriously, look at me as “high strung”, do not respect me, don’t show alot of care for me, etc etc… And, my response in the past was to SHOW them how great and loving I can be. I am a very sensitive person(parents actually made fun of me for this) and I have so much love in my heart that I spent all of my 20s and 30s showing men what I could do for THEM. And, the jerks that showed up easily took it and gave nothing in return but heartache and abuse.

    But the interesting part is…there were some guys that weren’t so jerky and I had NO attraction to them.

    Now single and alone in my mid 40s(not feeling so gorgeous), Rori comes along and teaches me to look at MY relationship with MYSELF. What are the labels that I put on ME, forget everybody else. How am I judging and evaluating myself?

    And I found out…OH!!! I don’t think I should be respected, OH!!! I don’t think I am capable, OH!!! I don’t believe I am worthy, OH!!! I don’t think I am attractive enough. OH!!! I think my sensitivity needs to be hidden. OH!!! I think I should be ashamed that I am shy. OH!!! I don’t think I am worthy to be cherished and loved and should “hide” certain things if I want a relationship. OH!!! I think I am the lucky one if a man comes into my life. And, it goes on…

    Rori, from the bottom of my heart- THANK YOU. It doesn’t even matter to me if I find that “ONE” anymore. Don’t get me wrong, I am totally open to a mutual loving, satisfying , nurturing relationship with a man, in fact I intend on it. But, it isn’t a requirement for me to feel whole anymore. ONLY I CAN DO THAT. Got it.
    The great relationship is the icing on the cake, not the cake itself:)

    So, I’m not dating right now. Instead, I am devoting the next few months to practicing LOVING and APPRECIATING me. Even the parts I have thought are not so great. Not having fear to express it all, open my heart and let it shine. And it feels so amazing! I have always had it and shown it to others- but to have the acceptance for yourself like that, such a relief.

    I have panic/anxiety disorder, so you can imagine what a difference this also makes in my health and well-being. Rori, I don’t even know you, but I love you!! thank you!

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 9:27am

  310. 310: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Trying to convince someone that they are acting wrong to you is the behavior of someone with low self esteem who doesn’t feel strong/brave enough to take their own happiness and esteem into their own hands.

    If you had a narcissist parent, this is totally common. We’ve been told our whole lives we’re not even qualified/good enough to have standards for how we’re treated, and as adults who know better but are still wounded in this very way, we often resort to convincing behaviors to reconcile the two perspectives.

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 9:28am

  311. 311: Rori RayeNo Gravatar says:

    Kristen, Thank you so much for this, and if I may – I’ll post it as a whole post – I think it’s so helpful to every one of us – you make it so very clear! Love, Rori

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 9:41am

  312. 312: lkNo Gravatar says:

    thank goodness, a fight of sorts with CD.

    we have gotten twisted minorly & we are still stuck, though it doesn’t feel too bad. i really will have to dig deep & find the courage to open up to him soon. like, tonight o_0 eek

    chicken tacos for dinner? yum. he rubbed my feet & fed me chocolate last night & when i kissed him goodbye this morning he went practically skipping off…. but i still feel Afraid…. & Tense.

    i feel afraid of frustrations & arguments. i also feel hopeful that we can do this without so many arguments…

    i wonder about risks & remind myself there are always risks…..

    i feel slower now & softer about some boundaries… & more firm about other boundaries.

    i live my life. i flow.

    i feel impatient & weak. i feel dissatisfied & polluted.

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 9:51am

  313. 313: lkNo Gravatar says:

    awww & he went Man Cave while i was there which felt sweetening to watch… like… oh, he IS a man with man-fears & man-pain…. & he still was kind & attentive to me, while still being emotionally withdrawn. it felt interesting, but i didn’t ask for more because i reminded myself how i fill myself & also how he gives to me so much….

    & i also “heard” him complaining in his mind… that sounds weird but i Heard him saying almost like out-loud about how he bought groceries & worked hard all day & had bought me a bag of gifts & how he cooks for me….. & then i felt how unappreciative it felt for me to let him pay for pizza i suggested. like, i hear him saying, you couldn’t do that 1 thing for me… but when i “heard” it, i just softened & felt “back” to him, “you silly boy, that isn’t how this works. i’d love to buy you pizza some time but i’m not a mind-reader & i don’t know you’re feeling drained unless you tell me” but i didn’t say anything & i didn’t reach out or anything. after he reached out to me i did rub his head for a minute. & this morning i rubbed his back. it felt strange for him not to cuddle me, but it felt uplifting to not require it for myself to feel loved.

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 10:04am

  314. 314: siren songNo Gravatar says:

    FW 278:

    Love the Cheri Valentine post!

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 10:22am

  315. 315: MochaberriNo Gravatar says:

    @ Mel #283

    I totally agree!! When I first tried leaning back or as I’ve heard from my therapist “practice resistance” with KR he said to me – “it may sound strange but when I don’t hear from you or see you I think about you more and more” so it’s some truth to the absence makes the heart grows fonder theory.

    I’m also learning that when I lean back and take care of me and I don’t let my NV take control of me and get me going – I have much better success with KR

    I like your visual when the NV kicks in – and I’m going to start using it if you don’t mind :)

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 10:23am

  316. 316: lkNo Gravatar says:

    & this morning i said i feel really tense & he said about work & i said a little & he said about us & i said a little & he said please tell me why & i’ll try to make it easier. but i couldn’t & i had to say, “i don’t even know my own feelings well enough to form words right now… but i want to share with you….”

    i don’t trust myself right now. i feel like a novice. oh but that’s good ! is there an Answer to this Question? no. there is no Answer.

    i dreamed i had a baby & i was joking with the baby how her head was as big as her body lol

    i feel agitated.

    oh but he asked me to call so that will be nice to call & get a new Read on the situation. & also to give a new Read in my vibe.

    i have to talk to him about jx too.

    & moving in.

    i want slow easiness & i can create that.

    i can say, “i am curious to hear what you think about this, but my ex from high school/college invited me to lunch & i want to go. i feel hopeful that i can heal a minor wound in my relational life…. what do you think?”

    & also, ” i want you to feel more important to me than my ex, so if you’d feel uncomfortable, i want to honor your feelings ”

    & then also, ” i feel scared & overwhelmed when i imagine Moving In with you…. that feels like a huge deal to me…. what do you think?”

    then we can just talk about it & be easy. i’m not in a rush & i can create what i want in my life. i want slowness & gentleness…

    here’s what i want today: i want to drive up to his house & i can call if i need help lol. then i can dance alone while he walks the dog & then we can dance together & have a drink on the porch & grill chicken : ) i want alone time & i want physical release of energy & i want easy conversations about complex topics.

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 10:24am

  317. 317: Cat BlueNo Gravatar says:

    @ 309: Kirsten

    “OH!!! I think I am the lucky one if a man comes into my life. And, it goes on…”

    A-ha lightbulb moment TING!…
    This is how I feel..

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 10:26am

  318. 318: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    I feel a little bit sad. And also a little bit stressed. Because I haven’t have any sign from P since Sunday night…

    I know I shouldn’t. I know it’s only my stupid NVs that are telling me that he won’t call me again…

    At work today, I heard a conversation of a woman collegue who was saying she was going to lunch with him. They are very good friends. I am not afraid of anything. I just feel sad that I am not getting an invitation from him myself..

    I just don’t have a good feeling.

    I keep repeating to myself that only 3 days ago, he wrote “Absolutly ;-)” after HE said we will talk soon… But I feel sad an anxious that things are going slowly… I wan to have results faster. I feel impatient… :(

    And I have absolutely no plans for thr weekend except waiting for the cable guy. Lol, nothing like a date. I so want him to invite me for the weekend…

    I feel like leaning forward… :(

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 10:27am

  319. 319: sensualNo Gravatar says:

    I’m feeling so happy and light today sirens…i had a really tough last 2 days due to various things, men drama, car got towed, argument with friend, job stuff…but today the moon has moved from aquarius into pisces (a very romantic place for the moon) and I have a date with newmanpotentialCD this evening and i am feeling very positive and exited that the wave is on it’s way up again :)

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 10:28am

  320. 320: lkNo Gravatar says:

    @Mel 302

    wow thank you that’s helpful right now : )

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 10:28am

  321. 321: siren songNo Gravatar says:

    kristen,

    awesome post!

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 10:29am

  322. 322: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Kristen

    Thanks a lot for sharing. I see so many paralells to my own life.

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 10:33am

  323. 323: sensualNo Gravatar says:

    @lizka have faith he’ll come when he’s ready and it will feel so much better than if you lean forward…and it will set up the energy exchange in the right direction for you both for moving forward. So feel free and positive knowing it’s coming in it’s own time, try not to dwell on how long it takes coz the important thing is to get that energy flowing in your direction for moving forward

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 10:35am

  324. 324: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    lk, have faith in yourself and him, but especially yourself. I go through these tense moments sometimes with CF, but after 6 months everything is still beautiful.

    It’s hard, to feel so much beauty about someone, but have to deal with the human part of disagreements and misunderstandings and being individuals with your own negative feelings at times.

    I think if anyone can find a way to peace and love in these situations, it’s you! and CDcd, cuz he sounds pretty interested in peace and love.

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 10:37am

  325. 325: lkNo Gravatar says:

    i’m a fairy princess! i’m sweet & being around me is like playing on glitter clouds lol

    i’m going to call CD & be calm & happy in myself

    oh, good. my woman is getting up to stand with my girl. the girl is so babyish today, it will be nice to feel protected & cared for.

    the woman says, i move for no man. the wind moves through me, i sing a thousand songs without a single movement of my tongue. i am over & over again nearness & space at once. yes.

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 10:42am

  326. 326: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Crystal Bopp asks:

    “I’m wondering how many of you out there consider
    flirting cheating? what are your thoughts and/or opinions on this . . . ?”

    Hey Crystal,
    Great question with a complicated answer, so here we go in handy numbered form:

    1. Personally I think that STOPPING non-serious flirting with other people (at least in a playful way) is downright deadly to a relationship.

    I deal with a LOT of men and women every day who talk about how “dead” they feel sexually and emotionally after a few months or a few years together . . .

    How they just don’t feel attractive to the opposite sex anymore.

    Or how they feel suffocated by having to shut that flirty, fun, sparkly side of their personality down.

    And relying on just one person to appreciate you emotionally and physically while denying that kind of energy from everybody else can really be toxic.

    So in a weird way, flirting can actually be GOOD for
    a long term relationship. Done right, it’s a little like stopping by the gas station for some “passion fuel” and “self esteem oil.”

    (Wow, that’s the worst metaphor I’ve ever written.)

    2. That said, there’s flirting and there’s flirting:

    The kind of flirting that’s good for a relationship is
    pretty light. I call it “appreciative” flirting. It’s a quick
    glance or a funny double entendre’. It’s you or your
    partner PLAYING a little bit with their sexuality and
    their attractiveness to the opposite sex.

    The key is really in the intention: If you or your
    partner are flirting knowing full well that nothing is
    going to happen (and not actually WANTING anything
    to happen) it’s really no big deal.

    If you’re “hunting” or actually trying to seduce somebody?

    Well, that’s a whole other ball game.

    The actual limits of what “acceptable” flirting is are going to vary wildly by relationship.

    Personally, I’m a huge flirt (which is probably pretty obvious.)

    And even though I’m in a committed (and awesome) relationship, I have no problem at all commenting on how beautiful a female friend of mine looks, or sharing a moment of attraction and playful tension
    with a woman. (I also make it very apparent from the beginning that I have a girlfriend and that I’m in a committed relationship with her.)

    My girlfriend isn’t terribly bothered by this because ..

    A. She knows 110% how I feel about her, how I lust after her, how much I love her.

    B. I make it totally apparent that when I’m “flirting” it’s just a game and I’m not actually trying to seduce a girl.

    C. She’s secure enough to know that the fact that I’m a guy who other women want to in some way flirt with actually reflects REALLY well on her.

    The same goes the other way, by the way. When I catch another guy checking out my girlfriend, I don’t freak out about it like a jealous beast . . . I just kind of smile because I know I’ve got a beautiful, sexy woman in my life and I know she’s coming home with me.

    Not a big deal if you don’t make it a big deal.

    Again, though, there’s a big difference between playful flirting (or just “appreciating” someone)
    and actually trying to attract or seduce them and you need to talk to your partner about where that line
    is in your relationship.

    C. As for whether flirting is “cheating” I’d say it’s
    a pretty definitive “No.” Is over-the-top-flirting-with-the-intention-of screwing-someone’s-brains-out dangerous to a relationship?

    Sure. But it in and of itself is not cheating

    Michael Fiore

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 10:43am

  327. 327: lkNo Gravatar says:

    ok that was nice & he said it sounds nice to walk the dog alone while i stretch alone

    breathing, intending slowness & easiness & flow… yum

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 11:03am

  328. 328: kristinNo Gravatar says:

    thank you everybody!
    getting acceptance feels good.
    but even if i don’t get it…i’m still going to share my heart out, cause what is true for me is true for me…what is true for you is true for you….what is true for him is true for him….i am so getting this! :)
    i love days like this!!
    thank u and love to you all

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 11:11am

  329. 329: sensualNo Gravatar says:

    @326 wow feminewoman I was thinking about this only this morning, IMO how secure you feel about your relationship is the key here. and that can obviously be related to how secure you feel about yourself…and also communication with your partner about the topic perhaps

    I was thinking this bc ScorpionCD had always flirted so so heavily with me and complimented me and called and texted me while he was in a relationship with someone else…and then they broke up in September and we got together and then he went back to her…..and even though we barely saw each other since, he still has flirted heavily with me on the odd occasion’s he’s seen me and he texted me at midnight on new years eve. and now they are broken up only just…and he’s already flirting and complimenting me and I wonder…could i ever trust him now anyway? He was pretty good with not cheating with the physical stuff when he was with her although we did kiss a bunch of times the first time when he had decided he wanted to break up with her for me…he would not have sex with me until they were over, but he still expressed deep feelings for me all the way through their relationship and that makes me feel scared and untrustworthy if I were to be with him in the future

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 11:19am

  330. 330: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    sensual that sounds to me like a man who has maintained an emotional relationship with another woman while in a relationship. I can’t say I have an answer but my sense would be that for some reason he did not feel emotionally safe with either of you. Or he is a man with issues that need to be healed. Your work would be in trusting yourself, forget about trusting him. Only you can decide if you are okay with a man who might have a deep emotional connection with another woman while he is with you. Only you can know how you feel in his presence taking into consideration that this thought might cross your mind.

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 11:29am

  331. 331: lkNo Gravatar says:

    i feel

    overwhelmed
    ill
    disoriented
    ashamed
    heavy
    dark

    i want

    support
    healing
    navigation
    forgiveness
    ease
    clarity

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 11:36am

  332. 332: sensualNo Gravatar says:

    yes FW i agree… and no, i don’t feel ok with being with someone while they have a deep emotional connection with someone else. and no, i would not feel ok if he were to behave with someone else the way he has with me over the last year…..and my only answer at this point is to communicate that with him if/when the time comes…and also to hope that the only reason he did this was bc their relationship was not right …and now that I am a siren and more open emotionally, who knows what the future can hold for us. :)

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 11:45am

  333. 333: lkNo Gravatar says:

    @Starla

    thank you : )

    it is weird & hard : )

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 11:56am

  334. 334: maliNo Gravatar says:

    Aww kristin… this made me smile inwardly and on the outside.

    YES, we ARE loveable exactly as we are (YES WE ARE!!) ;)

    Sending you love…

    And I feel like such a goddess today! Universe, I love you!

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 11:59am

  335. 335: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    @326 Feminine Woman – I like it. :) Thanks for sharing!

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 12:04pm

  336. 336: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you sensual. Your messages makes me feel a little better and less worried. But I still feel sad.

    And I feel sick also. I have a terrible stomach ache. Maybe the coffee (I get that often when I drink coffee) or maybe the stress. Stress because of negative things that happens at work, or stress because of P. I don’t know. Maybe a little bit of everything. But I feel awful..

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 12:06pm

  337. 337: lkNo Gravatar says:

    i want it to be easy to talk about what isn’t working

    i want the focus to be on solutions, not problems

    i want to feel slow & easy, not strained & tense

    i want to feel safe & heard

    i want patience & discipline

    i want openness & understanding

    i want promises, guarantees, numbers & data

    but more than that i want serenity, satiety

    wow, i notice i have stopped believing in happiness…

    that is heavy darkness & i feel glad to See it here…

    poor girl, what’s wrong ? people everywhere rushing around trying to buy new clothes to look fancy to impress someone to let someone know what’s going on, who’s on top, waiting in line in the grocery store, most of what they sell isn’t even edible, the news is horrible & politicians don’t dream anymore. people use plastic condoms & poison pills to keep babies away. children starve. homeless people sleep out. i’m self-destructive & often don’t pay attention. i’ve had it Too Easy, so no one cares what i say. i haven’t worked hard enough & now I’ll be punished. people are counting on me because they think i’m bulletproof. my thoughts get caught on a circular track & i’m back again & again to the same questions.

    what do i want out of a partner ? what do i want with a relationship with another human ? ?

    i want sex. i want warmth. i want nearness. i want understanding. i want voices in the morning & breathing at night. i want help. i want to help. i want to tell stories. i want to be taught. back rubs. sharing. i want to ask the hard questions out loud.

    those things are happening for me but i feel discontented.

    i want super-openness. i want beyond-talking. i want unity.

    wow, lk. that’s not really what 1 person is for. that’s YOUR relationship with everything else, not your shared relationship with 1 other person. really? i think so. i think that’s true….

    no, no. 1 person forever is for practice for everyone forever i think. oh, i like that. this is just practice. i’m a happy baby. i feel scared though. why?

    fear? i feel fear ? i don’t want that & i don’t even See what i Fear… hm.

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 12:13pm

  338. 338: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    hmm mi didnt dance or give other men too much flirty eye when i was out with RastaCD…

    even tho they came and bodylanguaged me…

    i wonder if i wouldve felt better to flirt and come back to my date…

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 12:20pm

  339. 339: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    lk 333
    it is weird and hard, but you are expanding with this. You are both expanding. Imagine that expansion encompassing you both, binding you energetically to a mutual compassion and patience and understanding.

    I believe in you two so much. I can see you bonding over mutual compassion and understanding, instead of so sensitive to each other in such a way that one person’s mood will affect the other equally, and you’ll be stuck on a broken record of bad feelings and conflict.

    I am projecting my experience onto yours, disclaimer! But I understand the fear. Both our favorite CDs are enlightened enough men to “ride” this into something even better. Safe, heard, patience, discipline, openness, understanding… you are so clear on what you want, and so this man has been drawn to you to participate in that.

    Pat yourself on the back for being brave. I feel amazed by you, lk! You are doing so good!

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 12:26pm

  340. 340: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    339 lk, also, when you hit a block or a wall, and you feel stuck or disconnected, just know you can’t expand too quickly, or you’ll rip! You can’t just botox the sh*t out of these things, so I almost think it’s good that you’re feeling a little disconnected. Steady, steady, comfortable, brave even when you’re just being brave enough to say you feel scared, you got this!!!!

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 12:30pm

  341. 341: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    “& i also “heard” him complaining in his mind… that sounds weird but i Heard him saying almost like out-loud about how he bought groceries & worked hard all day & had bought me a bag of gifts & how he cooks for me….. & then i felt how unappreciative it felt for me to let him pay for pizza i suggested. like, i hear him saying, you couldn’t do that 1 thing for me…”

    omg this So happens to me, and a lot of times i get scared cuz i know they thoughts are right on. im picking them from his field if not his brain

    and still they are still thoughts they are mouldable

    if i reach my rock and reach my thoughts like “i am the air i need to breathe” i can shift teh psychic space to mine

    but it still feels scary and

    its about unworthyness or sex pushing or… the stuff i feel insecure about thats probably how since my boundaries arent firm the thoughts are getitng trhough to my reality

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 12:32pm

  342. 342: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    I feel a little triggered giving you unsolicited encouragement, lk, i hope i’m not overstepping or making you feel worse.

    i felt such urgency to encourage you, because you have beautiful thoughts and feelings and tempo, and i can tell CD has that too, in his own way.

    And, well, in my gut and heart and soul I can FEEL the magic that’s happening, especially now that you’ve had your first ‘fight’.

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 12:36pm

  343. 343: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    341 daria, lk, this happens to me, too.

    it causes a lot of problems for me. but i care what he’s thinking about me. and i care about if he’s unhappy even independent of me.

    so i overfunction and ask questions. it feels sooooo tiring.

    i am leaving space as much as i can now for him to speak up as needed. i want a man to trust me to do this, so i can lean back and be the girl and not have to play psychic.

    i get so tired playing psychic. like need a nap before lunch tired.

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 12:39pm

  344. 344: lkNo Gravatar says:

    i don’t want to share strong feelings because i feel afraid of them suddenly changing… like, me “coming to” & realizing i don’t want this anymore.

    that would be the case regardless of the human…

    ummm but i feel like, what if he Changes Suddenly ? & also i feel like testing him dramatically. i wonder if i was doing that last night? i basically had been wanting to test him. that is disrespectful. but i apologized & also, if i did bait him, that wasn’t my conscious intent.

    i feel like testing him with Tough Topics of conversation or Life Together themes… lol…. wow i can be silly & manipulative.

    i can just say i feel overwhelmed & scared & go from there. even scared to discuss it because i feel so overwhelmed by the variety & surprising nature of my own emotions in this situation. also that i feel both excited & safe with him… & also that i feel good imagining him as a partner for me…..& imagining living with him… but that i feel unsure that how he is in my imagination is how he Really Is. & i don’t want to end up Realizing i’m trapped in an Imaginary Relationship & stuck in someone else’s house !!!

    but that won’t happen to me. i have already decided not to live with someone without feeling ready. & i have thought about what it means for me to live with someone.

    i can say i feel afraid to be talking about houses & leases…. which maybe for him signals Forever…. but for me i want legal paperwork because of children & hospitals & funerals. so i want to talk about legal marriage before anyone Moves anywhere. because i feel afraid of being convinced to do something because it sounds so nice & ignoring or sacrificing a boundary that will make myself feel weak & afraid.

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 12:47pm

  345. 345: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Yay Mochaberry! it sounds like things are really starting to shift for you! woo hoo i feel excited

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 12:51pm

  346. 346: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    http://zenhabits.net/crush/

    new article from zenhabits on “the habits that crush us” and ways of coping apart from these go-to habits.

    Enjoy!

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 12:55pm

  347. 347: lkNo Gravatar says:

    thanks, starla !!

    i feel really afloat

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 12:57pm

  348. 348: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    When a man is exclusive with a woman but won’t commit, he is waiting for his perfect soulmate to show up in his life. If you see each other sporadically and he swears that he doesn’t see anyone else, this means that he is not actively looking, but that he isn’t sure he has found his perfect match.

    http://commitment-relationship.com/use-these-3-subliminal-triggers-to-make-him-commit-to-you/

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 1:00pm

  349. 349: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Feeling shaky.

    MWC has just been exposed as a liar.

    I feel so shaky.

    I have pulled in a man with an addiction again.

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 1:01pm

  350. 350: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    today i woke up with a shift. suddenly i feel very safe sharing with men that i want to be paid for on dates and want them to cover food for me and fun too!

    and that i dotn want to plan and am evaluating Them on how well they care for me and how their plan works (it can be walk in the park or picnic for those with no cash but it has to be a clear and good plan and not leave me out by myself all high in dreamy land still )

    and all that feels soft lovely and not mechnaical at all

    and the words are morphing right now in my brain so they come out soft and lovely

    and i am easily attracting men who want to massage me as long as i want and assist me with my stretching

    mmm

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 1:04pm

  351. 351: lkNo Gravatar says:

    he’s going to freak out on his own tonight i bet & make shxt happen. what am i talking about thinking about bringing things up ? i don’t want to row the boat.

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 1:05pm

  352. 352: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    I feel teary.

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 1:10pm

  353. 353: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Soulmate Secret Newsletter #139 January 25, 2012

    Dear Soulmate Manifestors,

    When it comes to manifesting a soulmate the single most important thing to have total clarity on is how you desire to feel when you are with your beloved.

    For those of you who are hyper focused on the “form” of the coming relationship, I am inviting you to shift into the “feeling space” and for just now, let go of your wish list regarding the physical form (on all levels) you think you need. (the Divine may have something in mind for you that is beyond your ability to conceive of right now)

    Here’s a little exercise to try every morning for the next week that will assist you in having laser-like clarity on this:

    When you begin to wake up, before you even open your eyes, imagine that your beloved is lying in bed, sleeping quietly and peacefully.

    You can sense the warmth and weight of their presence but they are not touching you.
    In this moment, how are you feeling? Loved? Happy? Safe? Serene? Excited? Relieved? Filled with gratitude? Content?

    Allow yourself to experience the depth of your positive emotions for your love connection with your soulmate.

    In your mind, whisper to them words of love, appreciation and gratitude for all the ways they enrich your life.

    You do not to know how or when this reality came to be.

    It’s not important to know their height, weight, income level or job description, just feel the deliciousness of their divine presence and breathe it in.

    Thank them for the gift of sharing a life with you.

    Tell them that you now know and trust that they are on the way to you.

    Put a big smile on your face, swallow the smile and let it land in every organ of your body, and when you are ready, gently open your eyes and begin your day.

    It is the consistency that you commit to that will get you results. Every day for a week. You can do it.

    Wishing you love, laughter and magical kisses,

    Arielle

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 1:13pm

  354. 354: CamilleNo Gravatar says:

    lk,
    better thought!

    Sometimes its so hard to lean back Im having a hard time with that right now too. But I’m doing it.

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 1:14pm

  355. 355: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    The way I see it Ella, it is a shift from angry.

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 1:14pm

  356. 356: lkNo Gravatar says:

    thanks, fw 353

    that feels reassuring to read.

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 1:21pm

  357. 357: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    I feel teary too Ella… *sigh*

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 1:23pm

  358. 358: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    FW,

    Although it is about as far from ideal as it could be… I feel in a slightly better place about it all than I did last time…

    Although, Ow. just even typing that feels kinda scary.

    Like what if its an illusion and really it will all be as dramatic as before.

    I feel scared.

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 1:31pm

  359. 359: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    “I feel in a slightly better place about it all than I did last time…” Yes I feel the pond is settling. Internal shifting is taking place.

    “Like what if its an illusion and really it will all be as dramatic as before.” This thought can be shifted with a better feeling thought as it serves no purpose. Otherwise it could keep you stuck.

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 1:35pm

  360. 360: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Ella, you didn’t pull any of anyone in. big hugs. this is not your fault.

    Now you just romantically cut the ties. That is probably the recurring lesson here, to truly not blame yourself but take responsibility for walking away, instead of trying to navigate relationships with lying addicts.

    So sorry this turned out to be a bust.

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 1:36pm

  361. 361: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    lk 351 yay i’m glad you arrived here. i didn’t want to say anything but i was sensing overfunctioning, not trusting, not letting things unfold, and above all, a desire to *control*

    you are a wise siren:)

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 1:38pm

  362. 362: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    My life feels like a mess right now. I know it’s not a mess, but that’s how I feel it.

    P is not contacting me.

    I feel so not motivated at work because of events that are happening. It’s not like a permanent lack of motivation, but right now I feel disguss by my work…

    And I feel not supported by my friends. Lately, I realized that if I don’t call them, no one contacts me. I feel teary writting that… None of my friend (really NONE) has take the initiative to invite me OR to contact me just to chat in like… 2? 3 months? I don’t know. Probably more than that. I don’t want to call anyone anymore. I don’t need frieds like that.

    I feel extra lonely.

    I want to go home and stay in bed for a week with my phone off (who will call me anyway? Not my friends, not P, not E… Maybe some insignifiant CDs…)

    I feel lile I’m doing all this work for nothing. No one is seeing the shift. Maybe the shift is in my head…

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 1:43pm

  363. 363: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Ella I saw this response from Dominique to someone else on the questions thread. I thought you might find some comfort in it:-

    “Little bit by little bit you can rewire your addiction connection, and your wounds will heal. Filling your life with work you love, hobbies which fulfill you, girlfriends with whom you feel good, and lots and lots of journaling are wonderful ways to begin and sustain your healing process.

    This is a time to take really, really good care of YOU, being kind to YOU, gentle with YOU, patient.”

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 1:50pm

  364. 364: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Hugs, Lizka, I hope you take nice care of yourself tonight and shower yourself with love and affection and goodness.

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 2:04pm

  365. 365: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Daria,

    Most of the men I’ve dated, want to pay and plan. It feels bad to think I need to tell them that upfront. Are you giving them the chance to step up and take care of you, or do you tell them that before you meet them? I’m curious as to what your pattern/routine is like when chatting with men before dates.

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 2:07pm

  366. 366: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Daria, I feel hopeful that you’ll heal this who pays/money thing too. It is never ever a question for me anymore either.

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 2:14pm

  367. 367: siren songNo Gravatar says:

    I feel so stressed out at work! My job is crazy and I feel like I am getting really sick! I keep comparing myself to the woman in the office next to me. She always seems so chilled out. I feel jealous. I feel bad, like a a stress case.

    My NVs are driving me crazy today. I feel worn out.

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 2:15pm

  368. 368: siren songNo Gravatar says:

    Yay daria,

    I want a shift like that!

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 2:18pm

  369. 369: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    This might sounds like I’m making excuses… but I’m not sure it is… Actually I don’t know…

    Since I know what feminine and masculine energy is, I was never sure if P was really a 100% masculine energy… Don’t know how to explain it… Just a strong feeling… He never took the lead, even at the beginning, even when I let him take it….

    This time HE is the one who asked me out last week, HE step up again on Sunday with a text message… In my opinion, as far as I know him (for 2 years now!), that’s A LOT for him…

    Wondering if just a little over functioning from me would really hurt… or if it would help a little…

    I know I shouldn’t think like this, but since he showed me interest twice in a week, shouldn’t show some interest too, just a little? Not propose a date, but just a warm text message or something…

    I don’t know what to do. I don’t know if I should…

    He said “if everything is simple and beautiful”…

    If I wait for him all the time, I’m afraid that he will think that I’m playing a game…

    I feel lost.

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 2:21pm

  370. 370: TiffanyNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Starla – Once again, thank you for your support.

    I feel a little intense about your harsh tone, but I also realize that you are concerned about me, and that you haven’t seen the message I sent.

    First off, what he actually wrote was not entirely definitive. It was more of an “If…then” statement. i.e. “if xyz, then I don’t think we should keep writing.” It was kind of an invitation, kind of not.

    So, my response to that was. “Okay, if you think that’s best.” I left the option open to him. But – I do still have my boundaries. I know I am not going to tolerate bad or abusive behavior from him.

    Also, as I’ve thought more about what I wrote, and about “drama baiting” as you said, I realized something. Which is, to be entirely fair to myself, I actually did NOT respond to the drama. I responded to HIM. But I did not respond to any of the comments that triggered me, nor did I mention any specific action or inaction on his part. I simply kept it to me, to what I was feeling, how my experience was, and left it at that.

    I expressed gratitude and appreciation for what he DID do that I liked. And I made absolutely NO requests for anything in the future, positive or negative. I left it open, light-hearted, and I feel good about what I wrote.

    My only concern is that HE might not be in a mature or centered enough place to appreciate what I wrote. Which means it could have been wasted energy. But if nothing else, at least it was good practice. For me, it feels like part of a practice of letting go. I’m not even sure if I am at a place where I WANT to keep communicating with him (as I’ve said.) And my letter makes no indication of anything I want or don’t want, now or in the future, regarding our correspondence.

    So, not that I need to reassure you. But I am not martyring myself for anyone, and certainly not for this guy. He doesn’t deserve it!!

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 2:21pm

  371. 371: TiffanyNo Gravatar says:

    Once again – I am about to go see SARK and Amy Ahlers! I am so excited!!! Whooohooo!

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 2:24pm

  372. 372: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    I would not do it today that’s for sure. I must have an incredible bad vibe right now. And I would be afraid that he feels it. I want to send something fun and cute and warm and inviting. Not a fake happy message…

    I might think of it for a few days and if I still feel the urge, I’ll send him something over the weekend? And maybe in the meantime he will have send me something…

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 2:26pm

  373. 373: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    hugs, siren song, you haven’t had a nervous breakdown yet, though! pat yourself on the back, and resolve to find deliberate ways to de-stress 5 or 10 minutes at a time during the day.

    sometimes i listen to relaxing music/videos on http://www.soothetube.com

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 2:26pm

  374. 374: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you Starla…

    I know I should take care of me tonight… But I feel so clueless that I don’t even know what to do to take care of me. I feel so tired and don’t want to move and even eat. My god, I rarely feel like this… but it feels awful…

    Sorry everyone for spamming the blog with negativity and my sad mood…

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 2:32pm

  375. 375: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Tiffany,

    I haven’t forget you darling… My head is just really somewhere else right now. I’ll do it later, I promise. xoxo

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 2:34pm

  376. 376: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Lizka, lean wayyyyyy back. A little overfunctioning may not hurt, but it will be a temporary fix if you do talk to him, or hear back. If you don’t, you’ll feel worse. Men get what they want, nothing stands in their way. If he wants you, he knows how to reach you. How about turning your phone off for the night just because you feel like it. I had a friend who would do that. If she was having a bad day, didn’t want more dissapointment from not hearing from a guy, she’d just take away the possibility altogether, focus on herself, go to bed early, and hope the next day would be better. Hugs! I know it’s hard! All I’ve heard recently from my ex has been about the girls, girl scout cookie sales, and then about the dog. I want to reach through the phone and say… are you even thinking about me?????? But I’m not.

    Please don’t lose faith. You’ve sounded wonderful lately. Focus on you, through yourself into your work, plan a girls night to reconnect with those friends. They may be going through something too. With the holidays, the cold weather… even just you sounding so happy, if they feel crappy, can cause people to pull back.

    Hugs!!!! Everything will be ok :)

    And, another thing… I read online today that reading others happiness can make us feel sad. It’s great to read the happy posts here, those who are in relationships and can share how well Rori’s work helps them. Yes, we are happy for them and hope we’ll have that too… but it can be disheartening when our own romantic lives aren’t measuring up. CDing ourselves, our mothers, our friends… not the same as having that spark with someone special who is loving us back. Take care of you, and try not to think about P. He’s just a man, he’s not in front of you, so he doesn’t exist!

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 2:36pm

  377. 377: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @234: Silver Moonbeam

    That was a quickie low-carb lunch/dinner “diet” menu :
    A little breakdown:

    All meat burgers are allowed. I usually pan grill turkey burgers but in this case I cheated a bit with the McD’s.

    Tomato catsup is not allowed unless no sugar added but mayo (diet mayo is a no-no because of the additives) and dijon mustard are OK.

    In the U.S. we also have tomato sauce, tomato puree, tomato paste all three usually used as cooking ingredients but catsup (ketchup) is a condiment. Tomato and onion are allowed veggies (most are unless they are high on glycemic index… probably same as what you are doing.)

    EVOO = extra virgin olive oil. It’s one of the healthy fats and desirable to consume it. Trans fats are the bad ones so I avoid those and have real butter instead of the hydrogenated fat found in margarine.

    The “rootbeer floats” are homemade and an “allowable dessert.” The only ingredients are sugar-free rootbeer, heavy cream and ice (crushed ice is best.)

    Got any good recipes to share from your eating program?

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 2:36pm

  378. 378: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    All I want to do is smoke cigarettes, cry and sleep right now… don’t think we can count it like “taking care of me”…

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 2:36pm

  379. 379: GoodheartNo Gravatar says:

    Lizka, no.

    You would be doing it with an expectation attached – never a good idea. You’re trying to get a result (him replying, giving you attention).

    When a man wants a woman, he goes & gets her. He doesn’t need prodding or encouragement. It took me a looong time to get this.

    Leeeaaan baaack. Emotionally, just let go. Do things to pamper yourself. He will come or he won’t. The important thing is not letting it matter to you.

    Hugs.

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 2:38pm

  380. 380: GoodheartNo Gravatar says:

    I think I’m channelling Turquoise :-)

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 2:40pm

  381. 381: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Geez…. I’m american and I am not even using the right words….

    Throw yourself into your work Lizka! :)

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 2:40pm

  382. 382: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Haha Goodheart… we must be kindred spirits! :) (Or, just on this blog so long we all say the same things in the same scenarios!)

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 2:43pm

  383. 383: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you Turquoise. Really. Thank you for taking time to reply to me. I feel supported.

    I know you’re right about leaning back. I will… but might change my mind in a few days if the urge is still there. Just a little little possibility…

    I use to do that too. Turn my phone off and even leaving it in a jar where I don’t see it. So far away from the temptation to open it to see if I have a message. But right now, my wifi connexion (for my computer) isn’t working. So I use my phone internet connexion for my computer and I have to leave it on if I want to use the computer… Maybe it would be a good thing to turn off the Internet too…

    About girls night. No, really I can’t. Just to think of calling a friend for the 100th time, I feel embarrassed and ashamed. They must not care if they haven’t call me for months…

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 2:45pm

  384. 384: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you Turquoise…

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 2:47pm

  385. 385: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    I don’t understand… I NEVER lean forward with P, and almost never with my other CDs… I’m almost the Queen of leaning back. Or at least a Duchess of leaning back.

    And I get nothing. Nothing…

    I see every day girls writing here that they have lean forward with a CD… and nothing bad happen to them. And even the opposite.

    Why am I always leaning back and nothing good is happening to me…?

    That feels so unfair…

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 2:50pm

  386. 386: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Oups in 384 I meant “thank you Goodheart”. But thank you Turquoise too!

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 2:51pm

  387. 387: EllaNo Gravatar says:

    Oh,

    No…

    I do feel angry!

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 2:52pm

  388. 388: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    SLV and Silver Moonbeam,

    When I did Atkins, I lost 7 lbs. the first week. Unfortunately, the diet didn’t last much longer, it was too hard to stick to. And, then I gained the weight back, plus more.

    One recipe I loved was similar to your rootbear float SLV, but instead of heavy cream and ice, I used frozen cool whip. It’s very low carb, and any diet soda (must be caffiene free though for Atkins) and voila…. a YUMMY sweet amid all that meat, cheese and veggies. Ranch dressing is much lower carb than italian if you use prepared dressing.

    Another thing I liked was the atkins peanut butter bars. They were quite good.

    I’ve thought about trying the diet again, at least when you have a steak and cheese and butter, salad with bacon and dressing… it’s satisfying… just hard to believe eating like that helps you lose weight! What I missed most was the crunch of something crisp. I love tortilla chips and flatbread crackers!

    I’ve lost 5 pounds in the last 2 weeks by eating breakfast, counting my calories and not eating late at night. I also started drinking a lot more water. I’m getting more exercise than usual, but most of it’s been just getting stuff done around the house, shoveling snow, stretching, doing squats and leg lifts, pushups against the wall… nothing excrutiating. :)

    Just eat less and exercise more, and it will start coming off! :)

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 2:53pm

  389. 389: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    Could you share a link for the goddess catalog if those items are online?

    Thanks.

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 2:54pm

  390. 390: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Tiffany, thanks for writing back to me:) Sorry for being so harsh/intense, lol. And thanks for being so open about your experience, even though people like me might jump all over it:P

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 2:55pm

  391. 391: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Lizka – the purpose of leaning back consciously is to allow self to see that she doesn’t HAVE TO do anything to ‘get love’

    in fact trying to Do something to ‘get love’ will not work and will feel bad!

    but, sometimes the way is to experiment with the leaning forward (experience the feelings after) and next time they’ll be more experience and gut level knowing about the choice

    sometimes i know intellectually that leaning foward will feel bad … but i still WANT to because i dont realy kno kno, i get the thoughts about how it seems fine for others, or even how it was fine that one time…

    the problem is that leaning forward is kinda like a Vote that i WONT get what i want (without doing)

    i experiment with leaning forward sometimes when i feel like im punishing myself not doing it –

    i always get even more comfortable with leaning back after, an there is a babystep less tug of war inside me about it

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 2:59pm

  392. 392: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @307: Femininewoman says:
    “…and as I do in my Toxic Men program….”

    Do you have a program online? For sale or on web site? I’ve been checking out a few. After reading some things last night I think I’m in magic making mode.

    :D

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 3:00pm

  393. 393: lkNo Gravatar says:

    @Lizka

    hmmm i feel that leaning back is a way to keep the men who can’t give you what you want away from you – it’s a tool to keep you safe – not to lure men in : )

    HOWEVER, the RIGHT men will be lured in by such a fascinating creature : )))

    so i want to feel happy when men erase themselves; i think it shows well on me that i’m more Difficult than those BoyMen can bring themselves to pursue & that saves me time & energy so that i feel healthy & rested for the Good Men

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 3:01pm

  394. 394: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @309: kristin

    You are oh so right. Taking care of ourselves comes first.

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 3:02pm

  395. 395: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Oh thank you Daria!! You’re message feels incredibly convincing to me!!!

    I definitely KNOW that it will feel bad after and OMG you are so right with “the problem is that leaning forward is kinda like a Vote that i WONT get what i want (without doing)”

    You’re right. I want to vote for “I am a super and wonderful siren and he won’t be able to help himself to call me very soon.”

    But a small (medium…) part of me is still feeling afraid that he forgets me, that he won’t call me, that… well, you know…

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 3:04pm

  396. 396: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    smoke cry and sleep sounds like a lovely way to take care of me actually

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 3:04pm

  397. 397: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Yay Lizka im glad you feel uplifted somewhat and that my words had something to do with it!

    i lean forward sometimes – and then take my poor bruised heart and love it

    and you know what, after that, it becomes Easier not to lean forward

    cuz i was Experimenting, and being Aware how i feel the whole time (not doing it mindlessly which wouldnt help me not wana do it again if it feels bad)

    then next time, im like NAH, i still remember how bruised my heart was feeling after the leaning forward with Getright last year

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 3:07pm

  398. 398: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    lk

    :( I don’t want to have him away from me… and I don’t have to lure in ONLY the right man… And I don’t want P to erase himself… That feels bad to think of…

    But I know what you mean and I know you probably wanted your message to feel hopeful… Thank you…

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 3:09pm

  399. 399: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @353 FW
    “..When you begin to wake up, before you even open your eyes, imagine that your beloved is lying in bed, sleeping quietly and peacefully…”

    He’s been sleeping with me every night since March 2011… except for a couple of days between Thanksgiving and Christmas when I got really busy and forgot to “inquire”… maybe he was there anyway. I’ve told myself he probably went out of town for family business or… a funeral…
    :cry:

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 3:10pm

  400. 400: GoodheartNo Gravatar says:

    Yes, Turquoise, we are Roribots :-)

    In a good way.

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 3:13pm

  401. 401: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    I’ll go smoke, I’ll eat a peanut butter toast because I guess I need to eat, I’ll remove my make up and wash my face and I will go for a long sleep, turning my phone off and not looking at it before the morning so I won’t feel disappointed of not hearing from P or any friends…

    And while I fall asleep, I will ask the Universe for a better day tomorrow…

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 3:13pm

  402. 402: lkNo Gravatar says:

    hmm feeling pulled to either Be Nice to Make Him Love Me or to Shut Down to Show Him What It’s Like To Lose Me….. what a fabulous pattern, lk !

    hmmm what do i Want To Do ?

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 3:14pm

  403. 403: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    But how can I show him what it’s like to lose me? He already doesn’t have me…

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 3:17pm

  404. 404: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    I have a 45 min bus ride to an appointment, so i am going to spend that time writing out positive visualizations, weee i love me

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 3:18pm

  405. 405: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    {{{Lizka}}} sounds like a good plan. :) I’d add a bath to that plan, and it would feel perfect! (lol, except the smoking for me!)

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 3:19pm

  406. 406: lkNo Gravatar says:

    lol @Lizka

    i’m laughing & i feel sorry for laughing…. i’m hearing you say you WANT men who don’t want to give you what you want or treat you like you like to be treated !

    but i don’t Believe you that that’s what you want… hmmm……

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 3:21pm

  407. 407: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    :( Turquoise. if I had a bath, i would feel incredibly good right now. Baths is one of the thing I love the most in the whole world. But I live in an old and small apartment, and there is no bath… :(

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 3:22pm

  408. 408: GoodheartNo Gravatar says:

    Lizka, it took me awhile to understand that the concept of leaning back is more about how we are feeling about every single man that comes into our lives (and about ourselves). It’s about loving & trusting ourselves so much that it literally doesn’t matter one wit if a man calls or not.

    If he doesn’t, he’s simply a step on the path to the right man.

    If he does, he’s still a step, but possibly a step leading to himself :-)

    Trust the universe & yourself. Appreciate the good things in every man you see. Thank you Universe, more of THAT please. And aahhh, he wasn’t the one, but he is getting me closer to the one. Oooh, thanks, I can feel it. I can feel him. Getting closer. These morsels are pretty taste, but the real meal will be so yummy!

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 3:23pm

  409. 409: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    No lk that’s not what I want. But I feel so lonely.

    Tomorrow I’m probably feel very stupid about everything I wrote tonight here…

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 3:23pm

  410. 410: lkNo Gravatar says:

    i don’t want to Shut Down OR Be Nice….

    i want…. to body brush, take a fast cold shower, moisturize, put a pretty nightie on, ask for a shoulder rub, dance in the living room alone in the dark…. eat some ice cream…. eat some salad….. drink some tea… watch Angela Anaconda & have slow romantic touching in the dark. truths will be told all along tonight i suspect.

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 3:23pm

  411. 411: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Lizka, it’s the possibility of losing you, that you don’t call him, he notices you aren’t reaching out, that maybe he texts and you don’t reply back right away… Unfortunately I think it looks like game play though too, especially if once you have him, you lean forward, over function, etc.

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 3:27pm

  412. 412: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @388: Turquoise says:
    “..SLV and Silver Moonbeam,
    …I used frozen cool whip. It’s very low carb,
    …Ranch dressing is much lower carb than italian if you use prepared dressing.
    …What I missed most was the crunch of something crisp. I love tortilla chips and flatbread crackers!
    …I also started drinking a lot more water…”

    Thanks, Turquoise. When I see it in writing it rings a bell! Like “check it out!”

    I’ll check out the cool whip idea. So far, it’s heavy cream because low carb, organic no additives. Because of high fat, a tablespoon or so reallly satiates… well you know the drill. But I’ll check the cool whip too and see what’s in it but trying to avoid additives if possible… but I might break down and get some sugar free jello.

    The only “store bought” dressings I use are two I found with no sugar: Paul Newman oil and vinegar (and it’s not all that pure either but handy to have a couple bottles in the pantry) and also a Ken’s Italian with no sugar added. It’s amazing that almost all dressings and pasta sauces have added sugar!!!

    Maybe I’ll try to make parmesan chips in the microwave. I couldn’t figure out how it would work. I do know how to melt and crisp cheese in skillet… I used to do that to make “faux bacon” like crisps when I was lacto-ovo-vegetarian.

    I need to drink more water, thanks for reminding. I’ll put a daily portion in fridge tonight for tomorrow.

    :D

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 3:36pm

  413. 413: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    I feel a little more calm. Outside smoking.

    All your messages feels so good to me ladies. I don’t know how to thank you.

    ((((Turquoise))))))

    (((((Daria)))))

    (((((lk)))))

    (((((GoodHeart)))))

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 3:40pm

  414. 414: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Hmmmm… a guy I barely know from college is on POF, we emailed back and forth a bit a few weeks ago. He gave me his number and said to call or text anytime. I replied with mine back… even though wasn’t thinking romantically, will practice right?
    Well, tonight he texted me and said he’d sent a couple texts, hadn’t heard back and realized he had the wrong number :)

    So, we’ve been texting back and forth about cooking mostly…. sounds like he’s an amazing cook and he’s making me hungry. Wondering if he’s going to offer to cook for me???? Hmmmm….

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 3:41pm

  415. 415: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    You are who your pretend to be so be careful who you pretend to be -kurt vonnegut

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 3:52pm

  416. 416: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    SLV, maybe you could just freeze your cream in ice cube trays?

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 3:54pm

  417. 417: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @416: Turquoise

    That will be great when I get a blender. Yay!

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 3:56pm

  418. 418: siren songNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks starla, for the soothetube (did I spell that right?) I do feel better already. Eating properly helps too, which I haven’t been doing. Just made a healthy meal.

    I’ve been trying to work to max, write and practice music every day for a month or so with no break. AND I’m being super-hard on myself about performing perfectly at each of these things. Perfectionism seems to always be lurking, waiting to pounce. I don’t even notice it sometimes. But I caught it today!

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 4:09pm

  419. 419: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    That’s it. I ate my hastronomic peanut butter toast with a big glass of milk. I removed my make up, washed my face and put my creams on.

    I turned my computet off and I’m about to turn my phone off too. I’m in bed (it’s 7.15 pm here, lol!), lights off, with my dog and I even took my ear pluggs so i will not get waken up by stupid neighbours or stupid wind or anythink stupid wanting to disturb my beauty sleep…

    I feel a little better. I stopped crying at least…

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 4:14pm

  420. 420: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Gastronomic*, not Hastronomic. :)

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 4:17pm

  421. 421: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    My phone will be off in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1…

    Good night sirens. Please send me some good vibes from everywhere around the world during the night.

    May the Universe hear me (us). :)

    xoxo

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 4:29pm

  422. 422: maliNo Gravatar says:

    Starla: Thankyou for the soothetube link- I loved it!

    Tonight… my male friend took me out tonight. We’d been planning on meeting up, but it was out of the blue, really… and we went to a posh Indian restaurant (he suggested it, and told me to order anything I wanted… I was so touched, he was such a gentleman!!), we had so much fun!

    I don’t know him too well, but I’m pretty sure part of him likes me. Throughout, I didn’t initiate unless I just suddenly had the urge to share something because of excitement (and I FELT like a rockstar), and I leaned baaaack… I didn’t really use feeling messages, though…

    But I had so much fun!! Universe: thankyou for sending me such amazing people!

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 4:29pm

  423. 423: FlowerChild77No Gravatar says:

    ((((Lizka)))) You probably won’t see this until tomorrow, but nothing you’ve posted here is “stupid.” <3

    I know that feeling, though :-( I've been in those down moods where nothing feels good and I just cannot see anything good, no matter how hard I try. I think all the Sirens here understand and are sending love your way tonight.

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 4:30pm

  424. 424: maliNo Gravatar says:

    Lizka: Sending you loving, AWESOMETASTIC vibes!

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 4:33pm

  425. 425: Sun GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Just popping in to say that i miss you Sirens! What an overwhelming week and it is only half over. As much as I want to, I don’t have the energy to read many posts tonight. I am in phase two of the application process for the new job I applied for over the weekend. I have worked late every night this week and tomorrow is another twelve hour day and at some point I need to get my tire fixed. Hope you all are well and less stressed than I am.

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 4:54pm

  426. 426: Aurora GirlNo Gravatar says:

    LIzka and Sirens…

    ohhh pnut butter toast is soo good….

    and nutella toast is also soooo good…

    and a morning at the salon is so good…..

    even on a work day….lol….why not….

    so to top it off I just had a Goddess hot bath with my beautiful tabby Queen Cat on the rug relaxed beside the tub, looking up at me reassuringly on occasion……with a Goddess juicy fruit ice smoothie with a slice of pineapple and strawberry to decorate the rim of the glass , made by my daughter…….. and now I”m wrapped in a thick warm terry robe that my son gave me for Christmas….listening as my children study quietly for their exams and my youngest sleeps……it’s almost 8pm….and the snow is falling gently outside……

    another Siren day…..another magical Goddess day……

    make every day a Day fit for the Goddess you are

    xo
    Aurora

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 4:59pm

  427. 427: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    I am a warm, soft, free, open, sandy beach.

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 5:14pm

  428. 428: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    How? How? How?

    The Text Monster is eating me alive!!!

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 5:20pm

  429. 429: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    I am slurpy, confining, restrictive, swallowing, drowning, grasping, down-for-the-count quicksand! Cum a little closer, my dahling!

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 5:23pm

  430. 430: siren songNo Gravatar says:

    Mmmmm…nutella!

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 5:24pm

  431. 431: maliNo Gravatar says:

    @ Aurora Girl:

    That sounds absolutely magical… melting here =)

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 5:24pm

  432. 432: maliNo Gravatar says:

    Hmm, I just received this from the man who told me he was looking for a committed relationship

    Hello…

    Hows your week going?

    I’m in a frivolous mood…give us a kiss! (A virtual one of course)

    I got the impression I wouldn’t be hearing from him again! Feeling a little confused and annoyed…

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 5:27pm

  433. 433: FlowerChild77No Gravatar says:

    We’re here for you, Brenda. Spam the blog if you need to ;-)

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 5:34pm

  434. 434: maliNo Gravatar says:

    Ooooof.

    Jenny, Starla, and the others who remember reading that intense guy’s message?

    I received this from the same guy today.

    your not a hot goddess mali, you’re just a naughty little girl that needs spanking, that is all.

    Bitter much? On the one hand, I’m amused… on the other, I’m really angry.

    Like- who the hell are you to say this to me?!

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 5:35pm

  435. 435: maliNo Gravatar says:

    GRRRRRRR

    Mali isn’t happy!!! Do I even bother replying to him?!

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 5:37pm

  436. 436: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    No Mali, just block him. Replying will be encouraging.

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 5:42pm

  437. 437: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    &Rumi Boy! Get over here. Sit down. Let me get a better look at you. Yes, you will do quite nicely, blending with my gene pool.

    Ask me out. Text me. Call me.

    Call me! Do you hear me, Boy? Pick up that phone right this minute and call me! You do what you’re told!

    Brenda, let go. Stop.

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 5:42pm

  438. 438: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    So the college guy just asked if I’d like to go out… I said sure, wonder what he’ll have in mind….. I was good friends with some of his friends, but he dropped out early on, so I didn’t know him well. Feels good to be asked out though.

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 5:45pm

  439. 439: maliNo Gravatar says:

    @Turquoise: Thankyou… for some reason I’m raring to have an argument with him, though… I wonder what that’s about…

    @Brenda: I love reading your riffs- they’re so authentic!

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 5:54pm

  440. 440: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Not being with Ryan = Torture

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 5:58pm

  441. 441: VWNo Gravatar says:

    Mali #434:

    “you’re just a naughty little girl that needs spanking”..

    Something about what this man said …resonates “true” to Mali – at a deep level…the subconscious…; and, i have a hunch, it is not recognized and embraced/loved by Mali just yet…maybe, she sees it as “bad”…”inappropriate”…”scary…”…

    I would search within myself and recall who/where said these to me…and why i believe them…:) connect to the intensity of your emotions that these thoughts bring out…

    This is a moment to cheer Mali! Yay…healing form Mali!

    warm hugs,

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 5:59pm

  442. 442: maliNo Gravatar says:

    @VW:

    It feels bad to read, like I’m being put down… like a parent putting down a child…

    But the thing is, because I know how much he liked me, I’m not hurting so much… because I know it’s his own bitterness coming in the way..

    Hmm maybe it’s actually hurting me more than I realise? I don’t know…

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 6:02pm

  443. 443: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Being with Ryan = Heaven

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 6:03pm

  444. 444: Sun GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    440-Brenda,

    I know what you mean! I miss LP so much and I want so bad to be there for him right now but I am giving him his space to grieve.

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 6:04pm

  445. 445: maliNo Gravatar says:

    Maybe I am a naughty girl!! Maybe I do need to be spanked!! But I love the naughty girl within me, even if she leads people on… she is a child. She is carefree and true to herself… she is a child-goddess!

    She feels scared being told she is naughty… but instead of roaring back- she says, maybe I am a naughty girl who needs to be spanked… I don’t like hearing that… but I love my feelings, I love me…

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 6:05pm

  446. 446: Aurora GirlNo Gravatar says:

    442 mali and vw

    and then again it could have little to do with you mali and more to do about this guy..

    it reeks ugly and a certain frame of mind…a certain type of sexual energy that some men like…..the ones who like to slap women or think they need a spanking…….they sometimes like a sadistic take on things….it can be a form of sexual control……it can be light or it can mean more…….

    the main question is ”

    “is that what you want in your life”…in a relationship?

    if not…..

    turn the other way and keep going….
    and no need to reply…

    love to you…

    trust your gut….sometimes it just is what it seems like too…

    love
    Aurora
    xo

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 6:08pm

  447. 447: LuzydelNo Gravatar says:

    I think I’ve ruined the chance I had to work things with “S”; I have been reaching out too much and I was aware of it. For me reaching out was not about control, but about saying something that needed to be said, but not finding the correct words. I did and today “S” told me that he know how I feel, because a year ago he was the same way, that I need to relax and let things happen on their own; That he wants to work things out with me, but he doesn’t know if he can be a committed partner and that is why he is holding back.

    For some reason some heaviness in my chest got out and cut the conversation. I admit I have been awful, needy, clingy etc. I could have stopped at any time, but instead of looking for the answers inside of me I decided to sabotage and annoy “S”… Oh well… he said he wants to talk to me face to face this weekend. We’ll see if he calls. In the mean time I set up a date with another guy “R” from POF, we will be having lunch on Sunday. I need to CD so I don’t make a fool of myself…

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 6:10pm

  448. 448: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Mali,

    Ty. R u going to respond to him?

    I caved. I texted Ryan.

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 6:16pm

  449. 449: SweetpeaNo Gravatar says:

    Turquoise @ 200,

    Check out K-9 Immunity. My rott had lymphoma – 4-6 weeks to live. I got her the K-9 Immunity and it put her into remission. I didn’t keep her on the maintenance dose (you’re supposed to keep them on the lowest dose once they’re in remission), and still got two more happy, healthy years with her.

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 6:16pm

  450. 450: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Sweetpea,

    I love you, Cupcake! Been running all day and not at my keyboard.

    Huggie wuggies! Cupcake Two

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 6:27pm

  451. 451: VWNo Gravatar says:

    Mali:

    First off…:) i feel good when you speak your mind…including not feeling good about what i said…that’s very healthy…please do so…:)

    Second…i have a sense that you were looking for some sort of validation about this guy’s note…and yes, it could trigger many of us…i used to :)

    But, the issue is not what he says…ever…but rather how do I react to what he says…:) that’s were the healing opportunity comes from…Did I react with anger/judgement? or just feeling disappointed…or “whatever”…”okay”..and “thank u” type of feelings…

    As long as I focus on the meaning of what a man says to me and take it personally,…i lose focus from myself…and of course, the opportunity to grow and heal from it…

    warm hugs,

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 6:40pm

  452. 452: SweetpeaNo Gravatar says:

    @268,

    Easy answer: someone who’s happy. With herself. And easy for him to keep happy.

    Simplistic, but a good start.

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 6:41pm

  453. 453: SweetpeaNo Gravatar says:

    Check this out, ladies! I posted an article on my blog about feminine power and included in it the bit about the most attractive thing to a man in a woman is… a smile. And how all men really want is to make us happy.

    I woke up the next morning to a new follower – my first male follower. Seems guys are getting hungry for us to find our feminine power as well…

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 6:43pm

  454. 454: SweetpeaNo Gravatar says:

    Mel @ 276,

    Yay!

    But now, he’s changed things up. Do you think he’ll still want to be left alone during a really busy week? Just feeling curious.

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 6:46pm

  455. 455: SweetpeaNo Gravatar says:

    Cupcake Two,

    Love you back, you silly, lovely, adorable little goof! :D

    xoxox

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 6:48pm

  456. 456: VWNo Gravatar says:

    Femininewoman..:

    aww…so sweet of you to post the link to that post…awesome…gosh, i literally forgot ab it…

    as i was reading through it…it was my 1st connection with Daria off blog…:) aww…our 1st “date”….okay…that sounds naughty…:) we are not “like that”…lol…ups, i feel scared…Daria, are u triggered?

    good times indeed…thank u…i feel happy the content of the blog stood with me the past year…:)

    warm hugs,

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 6:48pm

  457. 457: FlowerChild77No Gravatar says:

    You sound rather happy, Brenda. So I’m assuming you feel ok about “caving.” Just know that we’re here for you no matter what happens.

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 6:51pm

  458. 458: EmmieNo Gravatar says:

    i love this quote. I can’t remember where I found it but I just came across it on my computer.

    “Look around you. Wherever you live, whatever circle of society you are part of, you will notice that the vast majority of people lives in the world without. Those who are more enlightened, however are intensely involved with the world within. They realize that the world within creates the world without”.

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 6:51pm

  459. 459: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    siren song – are you a musician too? tell me more!

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 6:54pm

  460. 460: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Team Eat Something Already
    Okay, time to make meatballs and broccoli. gotta just eat something already!

    i’ve eaten pizza for lunch for two days in a row (gross! i love pizza but dairy makes my skin break out and bogs down my precious ovaries) because the office orders it in our busy times so we don’t have to leave for our own lunches.

    tomorrow i intend to eat something healthy for lunch. even if they order pizza. i’ll let them know…i can’t eat pizza 3 days in a row. Let me order something else off the menu or I’ll be back in 20 minutes with something of my own.

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 6:56pm

  461. 461: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    I don’t know what to do with my love for Ryan. I can’t contain it.

    FC, no, I’m not happy. I fear attack.

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 6:56pm

  462. 462: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Brenda that riff up there was gorgeous

    ooooh i feel poetically inspired.

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 6:58pm

  463. 463: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    461 “I don’t know what to do with my love for ryan. I can’t contain”

    ooooooh turn it toward YOURSELF, yum! all that love!
    oooh i want to show myself this much love tonight.

    Starla, want me to cook you some broccolis and meatballs? Yeah? I would love to, cuz I just love you so much, and you look hungry and I don’t want you to ever feel hungry or lacking.

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 7:01pm

  464. 464: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    I feel confused -) Had a wonderful romantic date last night, just like I ‘ordered’ lol, with flowers, looking in the eyes, delicious food. First date. He was funny and sweet and very smart and said speak soon and kissed me at the end, but I didn’t hear from him today. I know it’s against the rules, but maybe should have sent him a little something? Like photo of his flowers in a vase? I didn’t.. probably a good thing. But what if not??

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 7:26pm

  465. 465: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Oh! Thanks for the reminder, Starla. I’m going to eat something right now!

    Fish cakes, chevre cheese, not sure what else. I’ll see what looks yummy.

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 7:27pm

  466. 466: siren songNo Gravatar says:

    Yeah, starla, I play lead guitar and sing in a band and sing in another. Between the two bands I play out at least once a week. I’m trying to get the first band in a position to record this summer. Sooo much work! But it feels good to do something I love.

    What about you??

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 7:33pm

  467. 467: FlowerChild77No Gravatar says:

    (((Brenda))) No one here is going to attack you. Are your NVs talking to you? (We are always so much harder on ourselves than others are on us.) Try to be gentle with yourself. So you caved…big deal. Can’t change it now. It’s ok.

    Starla is so right on the money, though. No man can feel the kind of love we crave—-until we, first, feel that love for ourselves. I am learning this in such a big way, lately.

    We fill ourselves up….and his love is the overflow, the extra, the frosting ;-)

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 7:34pm

  468. 468: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Food is cooking:)

    Sirens, I feel SO overwhelmed right now with good feelings, radiating and vibrating from head to toe with “love” for and from CF. I put love in quotes cuz it’s not even romantic love, though that definitely makes it sweeter…it’s like a white light, safe and warm and knowing, i feel crazy, moved to joyful tears, with how safe I feel, and how inspired and like myself and happy and in awe of who he is and just like “yessssss i like you, you’re a nice thing indeed,” and i feel my heart leaping out my chest like yesssss Starla this is what romantic relationship is supposed to feel like, yes of course, but it’s more than that.

    I can’t describe it…i don’t know why i even bothered to write this all out now, hehe.

    ohhh look at that i’m trying to shrink my jubilation out of fear of others judging me as a fool. cuz what if i end up getting hurt? then no one will want to support me through it because i should have known better than to feel such intense things from CF.

    I’ve always toned it down here as much as possible because i don’t want you all to think i’m laser focused on him or getting wrapped up. But he makes me really happy. really really happy. As much as he humanly possibly can, the first and foremost thing he cares about with us is making me happy. And in a very healthy way, not out of desperation.

    I feel like I’m explaining and justifying my attraction and feelings here. I feel torn between this amazing feeling and not wanting to express it out of fear someone here will try to squash it down, and say no Starla, where is your ring? If he’s so great, where is the ring?

    Well it’s been 6 months and I don’t expect a ring, and for that reason I don’t exercise exclusivity with him. I feel anxious to talk about the future big time but it’s been SIX MONTHS.

    I just love how I am feeling with him, though. The scary real stuff too, it is all okay, he is on my side no matter what… we can face down the triggers and the scary and the tricky together, even when we could just sweep it under the rug then and there, and we can know in our hearts when it’s okay to put the trigger away…

    we have this amazing thing here between us, and it was effortless. all i did was speak my feelings and don’t wants all the time, even when it was soooo scary, and lean back as much as possible.

    I struggled so much to have anything even half as good up until I met him, and now the only struggle is the fear and awkwardness associated with whether it’ll last and if it will grow. not if it is and has been good and wonderful and safe right now.

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 7:34pm

  469. 469: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    Maybe I should send a photo of his flowers in a vase? They look very pretty.

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 7:38pm

  470. 470: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Memulo,
    I say lean back:) You can tell him how nice you feel when he contacts you, if you want.

    I noticed guys wait a few days to contact me when they REALLY like me after a first date or meeting. They don’t want to come on to strong or have you dismiss them as too easy, so don’t be surprised that he didn’t call you today.

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 7:40pm

  471. 471: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Memulo, do you feel like you need to make sure he knows how appreciative you are, or something like that.

    I am guessing you showed appreciation for the flowers when you received them, so no need to reiterate, either way:)

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 7:43pm

  472. 472: FlowerChild77No Gravatar says:

    One of the most important things I’ve learned from Rori: Men fall in love with us—loving ourselves in their presence. That really puts the tools and “being a Siren” in its true perspective!

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 7:46pm

  473. 473: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you Starla-)

    Btw, why are you dreaming about a ring just after 6 months? Enjoy! You are both very young, right, there is no rush to get married or engaged. Your relationship is way more important than all this official stuff.

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 7:46pm

  474. 474: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Oh I feel tired. My girls wanted McDonalds for dinner, so we went to get that, came back to finish homework, help my oldest study for a history test tomorrow on Mexico. She looked so tired, hope enough sunk in. Finished up our Girl Scout Cookie sales… their dad sold some for them at work and with his bowling league. I sent him a nice text saying we was an awesome cookie selling daddy, and I got back a ;) . I didn’t believe that words of affirmation was a strong love language for him, but I’m starting to rethink that. He responds warmly to them these days, and it’s nice to know he’s smiling. I read somewhere that you should smile when you answer the phone, have a conversation, etc…. it comes through the message. Made me think about my voice, my body language… that my mood can even come through my texts. :) My ex can be quite serious, feels fun to be a bit flirty/silly with him, loosen him up a bit.

    I feel kinda blah… wish I had someone here to take care of me, rub my back, to hug and snuggle with…. feeling a bit lonely myself sirens. College guy wants to go out next Saturday with some friends. Feels more comfortable planning that, I haven’t seen him in…. probably 17 years! It was kinda cute when he asked me out, he said, wondered if you’d like to go out? Screw those sites.

    LOL. yeah, screw it. Then he said something that was surprising. He lives far away, over an hour, so we are going to meet half way, in the city. and then he said, don’t take this the wrong way. You’ll have a place to stay. ???? In the city, driving the opposite direction back to his house???? I’ll be with friends, so I won’t be driving anyways, I don’t drive in the city unless it’s someone’s birthday and I am the DD! I appreciate that my friends don’t mind driving me, I don’t have the best sense of direction. I didn’t acknowlege what he wrote, but thought it was kinda strange.

    What do you think besides that I should make him come the whole way? Cause I know you are gonna say that!

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 7:46pm

  475. 475: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    Starla,

    I did come back to flowers several times during dinner. Was feeling more like feeding the connection today.. but that’s probably not right, I know. Though there might be exceptions?

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 7:49pm

  476. 476: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Gosh, more on my long post up a few, but, Rori’s tools really do make dating and getting treated wonderfully EFFORTLESS.

    I haven’t done jack sh*t in 6 months.
    I’ve never even bought dinner.

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 7:49pm

  477. 477: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Oh yum, I feel the desire to celebrate what I ate!

    I had multi-grain snack chip, some cilantro lime cashew cheese, fresh salsa, and a coconut water.

    Yum!

    I feel revitalized!

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 7:49pm

  478. 478: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    Starla, I had to fight with myself last night not to resist being treated wonderfully. I won lol, though made a couple of weird mistakes. Hope they didn’t change too much.

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 7:54pm

  479. 479: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Earlier today, I had a salad and fish cakes.

    Yum, I love all the delectable and life-giving food that is available to me.

    I’ve been having a few challenging days with sweetie.

    Oh well, it will either work out or it won’t. Either way, I am committed to my own happiness.

    I know he loves me and is deeply committed and devoted, I just don’t know if he is able to really accept my feelings as they are without trying to change them so that he doesn’t feel bad.

    We’ll see.

    More than anything I just feel irritated. I don’t want to have tension. I don’t want to fight.

    I feel unattached too. I feel trusting that g*d, the universe, has a plan and better feeling situations will come.

    I feel committed to attending to my own happiness and bliss.

    He will come around or he won’t. I feel curious to see what happens. I feel open to being surprised.

    I do feel lots of love for him. I would like to feel relaxed knowing that he will deal with his own challenges. I don’t want to take on his problems.

    I have my boundaries and I can stay open and loving while holding them.

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 7:55pm

  480. 480: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Memulo, you’re on to something but feeling like it might not be right… “feeding the connection” is overfunctioning leaning forward for sure. Let the man build and pursue…you already said thank you many times for his flowers, let him do something new to get your sireny delicious gratitude:)

    I tell CF when he calls *me* and I’m looking at his flowers, how nice they smell and how they make me feel and how the petals are feeling and all that. He seems to really love that.

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 7:55pm

  481. 481: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    *bout, not but (first line, typo, sorry!)

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 7:56pm

  482. 482: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    Turquoise,

    If it’s a date don’t drive half way-) If it’s a friendly get together, you may still want to practice tools, express your desire of greeting him in your hood and see what happens.

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 7:56pm

  483. 483: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    Starla,

    Leaning back! Plus they don’t smell, it’s tulips lol

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 7:59pm

  484. 484: FlowerChild77No Gravatar says:

    Brenda….you doing ok? <3

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 8:02pm

  485. 485: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Memulo…. I moved to a pretty rural area… not much out here and I can’t even get myself to go into one of the bars…lol. I think he thinks it’s a date, but I’m just thinking it would be nice to see an old friend. He also wants to bring friends, so half way is fine. If I feel any sort of attraction, I’ll express the driving to me rule.

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 8:05pm

  486. 486: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    Turquoise, sorry my suggestion turned out to be wrong-) What I meant was that experimenting with CD’s that you don’t care too much about can open new horizons for you for sure. It did for me. You’ll see where to apply if you decide to go for it.

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 8:09pm

  487. 487: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    I’ve talked about the radio gods on here before, but for those of you who are newer and don’t know… it’s a game where you ask a question about someone or something and then change the channel… whatever song is playing is your answer. I thought about my ex and said ok radio gods…. give me a good song about my ex! I pushed the button and this song came on. Better than I know Myself by Adam Lambert, sigh!!!!

    Cold as ice
    And more bitter than a december
    Winter night
    That’s how I treated you
    And I know that I
    I sometimes tend to loose my temper
    And I cross the line
    Yeah that’s the truth

    I know it gets hard sometimes
    But I could never
    Leave your side
    No matter what I say
    Coz if I wanted to go
    I woulda gone by now but
    I really need you near me
    To keep my mind off the edge
    If I wanted to leave
    I woulda left by now
    But you’re the only one that knows me
    Better than I know my self.

    All along
    I tried to pretend it didn’t matter
    If I was alone
    Deep down I know
    If you were gone
    For even a day I wouldn’t know which way to turn
    Coz I’m lost without you.
    [ Lyrics from: http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/a/adam_lambert/better_than_i_know_myself.html ]
    I know it gets hard sometimes
    But I could never
    Leave your side
    No matter what I say
    Coz if I wanted to go
    I woulda gone by now but
    I really need you near me
    To keep my mind off the edge
    If I wanted to leave
    I woulda left by now
    But you’re the only one that knows me
    Better than I know my self.

    I get kind of dark
    Let it go too far
    I can be obnoxious at times
    But try and see my heart
    Coz I need you need now
    So don’t let me down
    You’re the only thing in this world I would die without.

    Coz if I wanted to go
    I woulda gone by now but
    I really need you near me
    To keep my mind off the edge
    If I wanted to leave
    I woulda left by now
    But you’re the only one that knows me
    Better than I know my self.

    Coz if I wanted to go
    I woulda gone by now but
    I really need you near me
    To keep my mind off the edge
    If I wanted to leave
    I woulda left by now
    But you’re the only one that knows me
    Better than I know my self.

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 8:10pm

  488. 488: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Here is the song if anyone wants to listen…..

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v9ZVIAbDr_w

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 8:14pm

  489. 489: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Brenda, I bet you’ll relate to this song too. Hugs! Don’t beat yourself up about contacting him. It will be ok, I’m sure.

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 8:15pm

  490. 490: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Showing myself love

    I am getting the shower ready for you, and your great smelling shampoo and soap and lotion and a nice cloth to wash your face with :D You will feel so good after a hot shower, and then you can just take your sweet time putting lotion on and I’ll put your favorite tv show on for you while you do it.

    Ohhh, you’re thirsty for something tasty? I have hemp milk in the fridge, let’s get you some!!

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 8:22pm

  491. 491: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    Yay I love this article Rori…
    It feels so refreshing to read, it reminds me its ok to not be perfect and to embrace my”high strung” side or other things that I feel I have to change or hide or feel shame about …it’s ok its just me Emerson and there are many sides to me.

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 8:25pm

  492. 492: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    I have had several women confide to me in the past month or so about being unhappy in marriage/relationships and it makes me sad but also reminds me not to compare myself to others because you never know what is going on…so don’t be jealous.

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 8:27pm

  493. 493: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    I have had several women confide to me in the past month or so about being unhappy in marriage/relationships and it makes me sad but also reminds me not to compare myself to others because you never know what is going on…so don’t be jealous.

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 8:27pm

  494. 494: EmersonNo Gravatar says:

    I don’t know why that posted twice

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 8:27pm

  495. 495: PeachesNo Gravatar says:

    wow – there’s so much here on the blog today it’s taken me ages to read and catch up. And I feel all bouncy and triggered and knowing and relating all over the place….

    I know about high strung
    I know about narcissism and pain and reality and facing facts and accepting what is and how that hurts and is better for me all at the same time
    I feel anxious and sick in my stomach and I might cry
    I’ve done nothing today except read here and smoke and drink coffee and think about what to do about SW, toxic man, who is now on his way back into the country and has cut me off…..

    I want to feel bored by his behaviour and uninterested
    I want to know in every fibre of my being that he doesn’t exist cos he’s not in front of me….I exist. I see me, I feel me, it doesn’t matter that he doesn’t.

    And Starla, I feel amazed by you..wow…..i think you’re great and I love your posts!

    But I still feel scared and anxious and small….

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 8:53pm

  496. 496: sensualNo Gravatar says:

    hmmm newmanpotentialCD is 25minutes late for our date …but he did msg me earlier saying his friend/client wanted to take us out for an early dinner with 2 others and could i make it quite early or if not then he’d go join them for a drink and pick me up at 8.30. I didn’t want to go at 7 and i didn’t want a group date/business date for date 2……so I asked for the latter option….so since I know where he is i feel ok to let this one slip and not say anything, although perhaps not saying anything at all is a little weak? hmmm i feel unsure on this one. I’ll probably let it slip

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 8:55pm

  497. 497: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks Sweetpea about the K-9 medicine. Hopefully I’ll know more this weekend when my ex is here and gets to see him.

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 8:56pm

  498. 498: siren songNo Gravatar says:

    Omg a bath feels so good right now! I feel so achey from this flu or whatever it is that I have.

    I am reading the blog in the tub. Feel kind of dorky admitting it. At least I’m not texting some guy while I’m in here.

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 8:56pm

  499. 499: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Siren Song, I LOVE taking a bath…. always makes me feel better! :) I am heading to bed soon, would love a bath, but I’m so tired, think I’ll just take a long hot shower in the morning. My neck feels so tight, hot water will feel wonderful! My cozy bed is calling me, goodnight sirens~

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 9:03pm

  500. 500: KaylaNo Gravatar says:

    Hey everyone… I wish I could come on here and tell you something interesting about some man that has been in my life… But, I feel ashamed to say, that I can’t,.. Still nothing.. It seems like it’s been forever since a man has actually stepped up. As a matter of fact it’s been almost two months since a man that I actually feel attracted to has stepped up… I always put myself first, put my needs first, tell myself loving things, get the things done that I am supposed to, and try to have a positive outlook on everything… But after a while it just gets old.. I feel tired of playing the waiting game, it makes me feel like jumping out to a man and saying “here I am!!!” But I know I won’t do that, because I feel too scared to do that.. Knowing that it will most likely make my chances even more slim… Sooo what am I supposed to do? Hmmm any advice?

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 9:13pm

  501. 501: KaylaNo Gravatar says:

    You know how Rori says that you won’t be the one person that this stuff doesn’t work for???? Well I actually feel like I am the ONE person that this stuff doesn’t work for.. I barely ever get text messags anymore… Maybe two a day if I’m lucky and usually from no one that I feel very interested in talking to.. No emails, no nothing.. This is such a lonely feeling and I feel like the only way to break this cycle of getting no male attention is to actually go out there and get it myself…

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 9:19pm

  502. 502: blue roseNo Gravatar says:

    Labels: a prude!
    anxious.
    huge boobs (i feel so uncomfortable about that one!).
    bubbly (yuck!)

    i really do want to embrace all these labels. because it’s no fun when i hear them and i want to fight them off. i’d be nicer if i could say, “yes. I’m the bubbly, anxious prude with huge boobs. what next?”

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 9:41pm

  503. 503: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Peaches, the siren I summoned with the magic words PEACHY! Thank you for the nice compliment:):)

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 9:50pm

  504. 504: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    It would feel good to go take a bath. I feel tense. I feel emotionally flooded.

    I feel resistant to taking a bath even though I know it would feel good.

    Why? why do I feel resistant to caring for myself in this way?

    Okay, I am just going to go do it. I will take a bath for as long as it feels good and then get out.

    That feels better. Let me take care of you, LG. Let me nurture you. Just relax. There is no reason to feel urgency. Everything will happen in its own timing.

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 9:54pm

  505. 505: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Hang in there, Kayla! I think the idea now is to find healthy ways to effectively shift this situation you’re in and these things your feeling, in the healthiest happiest way possible, without compromising your sirenitude (umm i made this word up, maybe there’s a better word) or degree of difficulty (aka your self esteem).

    I bet some of the sirens here would have some great comments on this.

    I forget, do you have Rori’s Modern Siren program?

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 9:55pm

  506. 506: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    I had a tense conversation with sweetie and I feel a sense of urgency to find some resolution.

    I would feel better if I just lean back and let him come to me to make things better.

    I feel a sense of urgency when a conversation doesn’t feel complete.

    I don’t want to fall for this sense of urgency.

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 9:57pm

  507. 507: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Hi LG, I can tell you’re interested in not getting hung up on whatever is happening with you and your man right now so I won’t press for details, but I just wanted to send you love and say i hope it all works out soon. you’re brilliant for focusing on taking care of yourself and not putting taking care of yourself and second to worrying about your relationship.

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 10:02pm

  508. 508: Silver-Tongued SirenNo Gravatar says:

    Man-I-Live-With wants to keep baby and I in his life.
    of course.

    but he has not spent the night at home in 3 weeks, regardless of missing me and wanting to be around me – he calls, texts, has tried to have sex with me two or three times, has taken me to a nice dinner, has come over to bring me a stamp and share lunch yesterday.. etc.

    he is crashing at a friend’s place, and has no plans of returning soon, as he says we have “a lot of communicating to do before I come back”. he has been looking at apartments since mid december yet has still not rented a thing.

    he won’t promise me that he won’t have sex with anyone else (since sleeping with someone over nye vacation) and seems to need such space from me as “we aren’t getting along” (……. when he criticizes me or does something I am not ok with and I share how I feel but don’t get an empathetic response, rather get invalidated, distracted, etc). and he feels too depended on, and i spend too much time at home .. (rather than out, doing things with friends, giving him space) (i am home caring for baby, either working or looking for more work online, taking care of the house, the laundry, the meals, and his daughter- who is now gone for a few months). and then i am exhausted.

    he appears to feel better “having space”, has thanked me for respecting his space.. (i do not initiate/call/contact). yet when demanding this “space”, he did not commit to working on our relationship, rather it is more like he wants to A)give us space to interact better, and B)have space he can take other women or whomever he wants (women) without me being in the way of it.

    since he hasn’t rented a place, his things are all here as well.

    I’ve been confused as to whether I should pack up his things and get them out of my way or if that would be making decisions for him and furthering what he’s started when really, I don’t have to.

    I feel like he wants to go out and have sex with other women, because he isn’t sure I’m the right partner for him because my financial situation is not in order (due to major events, + baby, + not enough help with baby). …. I also think that’s only a partial truth – I think he partially just wants to have sex with other women.

    Now honestly, I can’t know anything is absolutely true. All I know is that he’s not here, at home, in our bed, every night, telling me I’m his one and only.

    How do I respond to his calls, texts, dropping in, asking me out, etcetc.

    I have read Rori’s articles about some men being the “snack bag”,

    or “Put him on your horse and keep riding”

    … but still confused about what to do.

    he isn’t promising me he’s only with me, (and cheated on me or whatever he wants to call it, over nye. I also do not, in the future, want him hanging out with her- i want to feel completely safe and trusting of him). I will not have sex with him. He is still interested in seeing me romantically, but I won’t have sex with him, or accept him seeing anyone else, so then he says we should be friends.

    …. yet he still tries to come have sex with me, etc.

    (I have expressed many times I am not interested in a “friend”, but in a romantic relationship. Maybe that is why?)

    and can i “see him” “romantically”, if we aren’t having sex? or if he isn’t promising to only see me?
    should i avoid spending time with him?

    should I ignore his calls? or should i answer them?

    should I talk to him, but keep it short, or should i answer them only if he leaves a voicemail saying he wants to talk about our relationship? :D

    should i allow him to come around, to take me out, to do things for me? and just enjoy when he *does* want to spend time with me? … or should I tell him that I am open to all of these things, but only in the context of a romantic relationship in which we are properly dating and only seeing each other?

    I have been missing him dreadfully today! what am I supposed to do then? Do something that makes me feel good? ok i am working on it.

    while I was writing, he called me, left a voicemail that he “wanted to say hi” he went to dinner with the girls from work, and was just “driving home, er, friends house” he’s staying at, and give him a call back and let him know how the baby is, etc.. love you.

    then he texted to say sweet dreams

    I guess he’s thinking of me as much as I think of him. I didnt answer though. same on his texts the other night, though i answered shortly in the morning. really not sure what to do with him…….

    sorry so long, hopefully it’s coherent, i can barely keep my eyes open. heading to bed, as it’s up at 6am again….

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 10:24pm

  509. 509: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    LG, if you do want to talk though….I’ll be up for like 30 more minutes here

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 11:00pm

  510. 510: PeachesNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks for seeing me Starla…..:) And your welcome – i meant it.

    I think I used to be a siren, and have lost my way….i guess 10 years of toxic could do that to a person…….!

    Maybe I just have to be a bit more of a juicy peach, even when I don’t feel like it??

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 11:07pm

  511. 511: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Turquoise,

    RE: #488-489 – Definitely! I love it!

    Better Than I Know Myself

    Cold as ice
    And more bitter than a December
    Winter night
    That’s how I treated you
    And I know that I
    I sometimes tend to lose my temper
    And I cross the line
    Yeah that’s the truth

    I know it gets hard sometimes
    But I could never
    Leave your side
    No matter what I say

    Cause if I wanted to go I would have gone by now,
    But I really need you near me to
    Keep my mind off the edge
    If I wanted to leave I would have left by now,
    But you’re the only one that knows me
    Better than I know myself

    All along
    I tried to pretend it didn’t matter
    If I was alone
    But deep down I know
    If you were gone
    For even a day I wouldn’t know which way to turn
    Cause I’m lost without you.

    I know it gets hard sometimes
    But I could never
    Adam Lambert Better Than I Know Myself lyrics found on http://www.directlyrics.com/adam-lambert-better-than-i-know-myself-lyrics.html

    Leave your side
    No matter what I say

    Cause if I wanted to go I would have gone by now,
    But I really need you near me to
    Keep my mind off the edge
    If I wanted to leave I would have left by now,
    But you’re the only one that knows me
    Better than I know myself

    I get kind of dark
    Let it go too far
    I can be obnoxious at times
    But try and see my heart
    Cause I need you need now
    So don’t let me down
    You’re the only thing in this world I would die without

    Cause if I wanted to go I would have gone by now,
    But I really need you near me to
    Keep my mind off the edge
    If I wanted to leave I would have left by now
    But you’re the only one that knows me
    Better than I know myself

    Cause if I wanted to go I would have gone by now,
    But I really need you near me to
    Keep my mind off the edge
    If I wanted to leave I would have left by now,
    But you’re the only one that knows me
    Better than I know myself

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 11:07pm

  512. 512: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    I asked Ryan if I could see him while I was in his town. He said yes. I chickened out saying what I intended to say. I was going to tell him I am imploding and can’t handle just a friendship.

    The moment I said I didn’t have the guts to say what I was going to say, he said, “Hey, do you want to get a drink?”

    So I just spent about 2 hours with him. After we got a drink, he asked if I felt like driving around. He finds it cathartic to just drive and listen to music. So we drove around for a while.

    Everything feels normal and okay again. I feel much better.

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 11:11pm

  513. 513: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    I am really riding the relationship waves.

    I feel confident that this is normal to have disagreements, yet also irritated by it.

    I don’t want to focus my energy on this time of thing.

    I want peace, and serenity and fun.

    I want to feel light.

    Right now I feel a tightness in my head and neck.

    He came in and we talked and got into a good feeling place and then it spiraled downhill because he got caught up in a negative spiral and started ranting at me.

    And I told him that it didn’t feel good and he apologized and I feel tightened up.

    Even though he apologized, I still feel extremely tight in my neck and my head aches.

    I don’t want to open up again only to get ranted at.

    grrrrrrrrr

    I feel protective, I feel defensive, I feel my heart closed down.

    Can I unzip my heart?

    I feel resistance to that.
    I love my protectedness.
    Thanks LG for speaking up for me.
    It doesn’t feel good.
    I don’t have to allow that in my life.
    It’s okay to state your boundaries.
    I know that it feel scary sometimes but its okay.
    And he did apologize.
    When will you be able to forgive him.
    That’s when the tightness and tension will go away, when you open your heart.
    That’s why your body feels pain, because your heart is closed.
    And I understand why you do it.
    You are a sensitive being and that energy didn’t feel good.
    It’s okay to say no.
    And he still loves you.
    He respected your no.
    Do you respect it?
    When will you let your heart open back up?
    It’s okay though.
    You can take your time.
    Maybe a bath will soothe you.

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 11:20pm

  514. 514: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    FlowerChild,

    RE: #484 – I really appreciate your support tonight. I made most of my earlier posts from my Android phone, so I was keeping my words limited. I am home now.

    I lost it. By the end of the prayer meeting, to which I had hoped Ryan would attend, I was crying and I couldn’t hide it.

    The most attractive single man at my church, outside of Ryan, had led the meeting tonight. He asked me how I was, and I was there with tears in my eyes. I said, “Having a rough night.”

    He sat down with me and I spilled my guts. Oh, yeah, great, feeling messages with the handsome single man I would love to date, blubbering about how much I love Ryan.

    He gave me some sound advice, and i felt much better. Then of course spending two hours with Ryan made me feel fabulous.

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 11:27pm

  515. 515: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    FC and Starla,

    RE #467 – Right on about the self love! Thank you for the reminder! I am really majoring on that…

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 11:28pm

  516. 516: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    I feel really touched by your support, Starla.

    I don’t know if you are still around.

    I didn’t end up taking a bath earlier because he and I were talking. I just started one now.

    I would love to talk with you and I also don’t wanna let my bathwater cool down.

    Ya, I’m gonna do it. I’m gonna go relax in there.

    I wrote some details of what happened above.

    This situation feels really nice in some ways because we have made some breakthroughs tonight, really talked about some deep things and learned some things which makes me feel hopeful, like the disagreement was worth it. But then we regressed back into old patterns, which feels discouraging.

    And he recognized it and apologized but I let it go on too long before I said something and now my body hurts.

    Awww, I love me.

    So that’s what’s going on right now.

    My heart is starting to open back up a little bit just talking about this with you.

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 11:29pm

  517. 517: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    “Do you respect it?”

    sometimes i get so scared saying no and so worried that i am actually obligated to say yes so i am going to be punished somehow if i say no. I have a hard time respecting my ‘no’ and make men crazy when they try to respect it but it’s not good enough for me. ‘no’ really means ‘i’m not happy, make me happy and loving towards you again and do it PRONTO asap like right this second’

    it’s a bit more complicated than that but it’s basically what i do.

    LG, you seem to be handling this thoughtfully and taking steps to consider how everything feels and how you react, I feel really impressed by this, hang in there.

    goodnight.

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 11:33pm

  518. 518: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Starla: I feel rambly (?)

    What I was trying to say above is I would like to talk about this with you and also I have a hot bath waiting for me and I’m not sure if you are around. I feel worried that I will wait around and miss my warm bath.

    I’m feeling discombobulated and emotionally flooded and a little confused although the pond is starting to clear a bit, which feels relieving.

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 11:35pm

  519. 519: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks Starla. I feel soothed and cared for by your words and a little teary-eyed.

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 11:37pm

  520. 520: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Sweetpea,

    RE: #455 – “Cupcake Two,

    Love you back, you silly, lovely, adorable little goof! :D

    xoxox”

    Aww, that was a sweet response! Right back atcha, Cupcake!

    Wednesday, 25 January 2012 @ 11:37pm

  521. 521: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Starla,
    Ty for all the encouragemen5 tonight!

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 12:10am

  522. 522: maliNo Gravatar says:

    @ VW:

    Yes… it feels good to me to be validated… feels good to be able to acknowledge that…

    As for this man, I wasn’t upset, but I was angry.
    Like… I’m a GODDESS! I don’t like being belittled… But my logic meant that I didn’t take it too personally…

    Hmm…

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 1:23am

  523. 523: maliNo Gravatar says:

    @ 448- Brenda:

    Hugs! You’re stronger than you realise!

    Part of me wanted an argument for some reason :S Maybe I relished having such power and knowing he liked me?

    I responded saying
    “You’re perfectly entitled to your opinion, but I don’t like reading bitter messages.

    So if you do message me again, I’ll delete them

    I do hope you find the right person for you eventually, though.

    Mali”

    Yikes, I’m feeling scared of being criticised for this…

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 1:28am

  524. 524: JennyNo Gravatar says:

    “434: mali says:

    “your not a hot goddess mali, you’re just a naughty little girl that needs spanking, that is all.”

    Wonderfull :) A good practice…and welcome to my world on a casual dating site.

    From my point of view – a perfect time to practice saying no and not to lash out on him, make him wrong. Remember men are built to find us sexual attractive?

    My message would be something like this:

    “I feel a little angry. I dont talk dirty with stranger”

    I know you feel amused – but dont mention that. Use it to yourself, and think about why you feel amused.

    The inner diva in you, the one who got upset and put up the defense wall – that is where you shall focus. Breath, feel your feeling..

    …ok if you are feeling brave maybe write: “I only allow to get spanked by a man who I’m in a commited relationship with.”

    Ok I know we arent suppose to try figure a man out – but I ahve seen this soo many times; I get the feeling he is lured toward you, but he dont know what to do, so he tries out diffrent tactic to get to you: like he is learning to swim toward your siren island.

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 1:34am

  525. 525: maliNo Gravatar says:

    @ Jenny: Thankyou!!

    *sigh* I have to try not to feel what he’s feeling and “figure him out”… I’m so good at doing that…

    Next time, I’ll express my anger.. this time, my diva was roaring, and my boy stepped up to defend her….

    I know he likes me; he’s unhappy because it seems to him that I don’t really care- for one thing he sees me online without replying or having replied to his messages… that’s why I feel amused…

    Next time, I know how to handle it ;) Thankyou for your support- feels so good!

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 1:49am

  526. 526: maliNo Gravatar says:

    Day 4

    So I’m sitting here with MedCD and I feel so good; I smile a lot, but this guy is so charming, and such a flirt… I’m having so much fun! When I ordered my (large) signature hot chocolate plus almond syrup and whipped cream, he just looked at me, like… “crazy woman”… but he was amused. I know I intrigue him.

    I’m different to other girls, and he knows it. He’s loving my Siren-ness.

    Ooof, and he’s hot. I’m completely melting!

    As for A… I’m being really soft and open and honest.. he wants to know more about my feelings. And I’m being honest saying that I just don’t know; it could be infatuation, but I really appreciate him eitherway. I feel so supported. Like, he’s going to be there, and wants to understand. This isn’t just my issue. It’s OURS. And I feel cherished and loved as I am. It’s a posh restaurant, but I love it!

    HAPPY VALENTINES DAY TO ME!!

    And daaa-yam, I look good… my body feels so sexy, and I feel comfortable in it. Perfect curves. Gorgeous…

    And I feel so happy in my job!

    Yay me!

    Universe, I love you. You are absolutely awesome.

    On another note, though I’m feeling these sensations, I’m actually in a brilliant mood today. The World is just too good to me. And I’m so grateful for all I have!! <3

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 2:16am

  527. 527: JennyNo Gravatar says:

    mali :)

    Yeah I know the feeling when my diva is roaring… I let her roar and then I get down into the feeling, express it and say what I want and dont want.

    And that man was just being naughty, trying to flirt – I dont think he was trying to hurt you, or offend you. So not really a need for your boy to defend the boy just needed to standing and holding your back when you say “You shall not pass this bounderies I have”

    (…and I do encourage you to even one day, talk dirty to an unknown men…let your naughty goddess out…I mean inside you are this sexual goddess, and she can be so naugthy as ohhh you want to as long as she is being treated well. Talking naughty with men is a very feel good way of flirt when you feel for it – and learning to say yes one day, and no the other day, depending on your own mood and dont worry about him being upset becourse you said yes the other day. This was one of my bigest lessons – I thought that jsut becourse I had said yes one day, I just had to keep doing it, then I learned. I’m a goddess and something the answer is no – and mature men can handle it, they dont get upset or angry, they can get a little disepointed, but they can handle it.
    But for now…baby steps)

    Of course he likes you :) Sweet boy cant figure you out right now – and it is soo easy, he just have to treat you well, without over do it:P

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 2:22am

  528. 528: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    It didn’t work. I turned my phone off, I had a 10.5 hours of sleep… And I still woke up feeling sad and teary…

    When I turned on my phone and saw that I still had no message, from no one, I just felt even more disapointed…

    Wow…

    The only thing is I have a little more motivation to do something to take care of me.

    So I’ll get out of my bed, will have a hot shower and will try to wash the sadness off from my body, will have a healthy breakfast. I’ll take a super good care while I do my make up and hair today. I’ll try to wear something that I really like also…

    Maybe I could go shopping during lunch time… But this is just going to remind me that I have no money. And that I will not have enough on my next pay either because they made a mistake in my commissions and I won’ have any extras before the end of February…

    Awwww so many disapointements…

    Please Universe help me. Make P call me I need it so much…

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 3:04am

  529. 529: maliNo Gravatar says:

    Lizka… I send you so many hugs…

    The Universe will give to you, I’m sure of it; just so long as you can focus on happy feelings and thoughts!

    I know it’s difficult, but if you can thank the Universe for being so awesome, for making who you are, for giving you beauty, health, for introducing this site into your life…, SO many things, it’ll just carry on bringing more into your life!! Loving thoughts and vibes to you, Siren <3

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 3:09am

  530. 530: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    I just watched this video about the emotional component of weight loss and I feel so inspired. I know this was a topic on the blog recently so I wanted to share.

    I’d love to hear if anyone watches it and how they feel about it.

    http://robbinsmadanescoachtraining.com/?page_id=140

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 3:10am

  531. 531: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Thank ypu Mali… I thank the universe all the time… Getting noresults :(

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 3:11am

  532. 532: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Also, I am feeling much better. I took a bath with Magnesium bath salts. The water felt so silky. And Sweetie came in and apologized again and it felt really sincere and I was able to open my heart and I always feel better when I open my heart.

    And I feel soothed because we did experience a lot of growth tonight even if some of it felt uncomfortable.

    I have never been with a man who is so committed to being with me and working things out. That feels amazing. It really helps us to get through any challenges that come up.

    I am feeling a little sick though, like I have a cold or flu coming on. I’m eating well and taking my vitamins and I feel hopeful that it won’t take hold.

    Sweetie requested that I start showing my love to him a little more. I can understand where he is coming from.

    He makes all of our food and does tons of stuff around the house, takes care of the dogs, has been taking on more financial and other responsibilities and he expressed that I give back to him a bit by making a meal every once in a while or just doing some sweet things, even just spending time with him.

    I have been pretty aloof lately, maybe taking my leaning back a little too far.

    I expressed to him some of my needs such as more spontaneity and fun.

    I feel excited to see where this takes us.

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 3:22am

  533. 533: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Btw, about that video I posted. I don’t think it will be up for much longer, so I would recommend checking it out soon if anyone is interested.

    It’s an hour and a half long coaching session on natural weight loss and how to deal with self-sabotaging behaviors and internal conflicts that keep us from doing what we want to do.

    Well worth the time, imho.

    I feel excited to hear what other sirens think about it.

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 3:27am

  534. 534: Aurora GirlNo Gravatar says:

    Lizka and Kayla and Sirens..

    Good morning Chickies…

    hmmmm…today I’m delivering the biggest chewiest cookies for anyone who needs one for their NV’s who seem to be acting up (when I read the recent posts)…..so they can go off into la la land and be small and not bother the Sirens on the island today..

    It;s a brand new day……….

    love and Goddess energy and good vibes and loving voices for all of us…..

    xo
    Aurora

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 3:36am

  535. 535: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    omg !

    i get so much more so much more easily when i AFIIFM!

    yes

    thanj you daria for doing this!

    today my guyfriend CD did EFT on me…

    wow it felt good

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 3:38am

  536. 536: Aurora GirlNo Gravatar says:

    lol another Abraham Favourite today….

    for when we start thinking we’re different or we’re the one this stuff won’t work for…..or we’ve missed an opportunity or think we have to settle……

    “it doesn’t serve you very well when you say) “I worry that I’ll go down to the dock, and that my ship will have already come and gone. I’ll miss my boat….”

    ….we say, another boat, another boat, another boat. You have no idea how many boats are coming to your dock. It’s a steady stream, and it doesn’t matter how many of them you’ve missed.

    The only thing that matters is what are you doing right now in your vibration? And you can tell what you’re doing right now in your vibration by the way you feel.

    — Abraham

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 3:40am

  537. 537: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Lizka – reading your posts it reminds me so much and how i desperately avoid being lonely

    i could just stop and let it overtake me but i feel scared i wont be able to deal

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 3:41am

  538. 538: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    Starla,

    Do not tell him you are pregnant or any negatives about yourself, what you want in life, etc. At most tell him that you don’t want any contact with him and if he continues to stalk you will consider reporting this to police.

    I feel that he is a kind of a person that would use anything he could against you. And you don’t know when and in what situation down the road he may act up. You don’t need this. You don’t want him to say around that you are pregnant, explain to your boyfriend who knows in what type of a situation what happened and what dirt was brought up on you and why. I would just stay away from this guy, I don’t believe he loves you or that he is your friend. He is just angry and manipulative because he is not getting what he wants.

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 4:16am

  539. 539: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    Oops my pc was slow and I responded to an old post thinking it’s the latest one-)

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 4:19am

  540. 540: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    woooah hello EFT

    i love how my life feels so ache free now

    i remember how i used to feel achy all over, or tired before going to sleep, but now i feel all tuned and in perfect timing

    i remember how i used to feel scared of people and of conflict and now i feel like im buddha or soemthing and i got perfect healing powers and i know how to wisely make everyone feel good and loved and how to express myself so that im heard and received and the divine love is seen

    and that feels…. so freeing

    and i feel amazed that i didnt need a lot of money to get the safety and love i wanted from people

    i didnt need everything because my Goddess gives me everything
    even freeing people from jail

    even changing the worldwide relationships

    and feeding me with lovely air water food smoke smell walk freshness touch

    yum thank u

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 4:22am

  541. 541: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i love my life and that men give the medicine woman goddess everything

    men love giving me food and rest and massage healings

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 4:24am

  542. 542: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    Behind on the posts yet again lol!!

    #278 FW

    I just love this post, I am love, I am ready for love. Wonderful

    Mel and Lizka and Starla – you are such inspiring Sirens.

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 4:25am

  543. 543: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    #295 Jessie

    Thank you for sharing your story and it’s great to hear you are doing so well. :)

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 4:28am

  544. 544: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    I want to take Erika’s 30 day Sexuality EFT video session –

    it would feel great to receive donations for that…

    what do you think?

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 4:34am

  545. 545: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    lk

    I just love your posts, you are like a sweet little fairy and wow sooo poetic. On the last post you said something about a baby coming through your hips or something like that and I was like wow I don’t ever even feel that poetic with words, not ever…..

    And I love your little stories about cdCD – so lovely to hear good things on here. :)

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 4:38am

  546. 546: maliNo Gravatar says:

    @ Lizka- 531

    Keep on at it, my dear. Usually it;s at that point when you feel like giving up that the Universe is just about to deliver for you =)

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 4:38am

  547. 547: maliNo Gravatar says:

    I love me. I love my life. I love the Universe.

    I love G*d

    Life is just exactly as it should be <3

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 4:39am

  548. 548: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Lizka….. I feel off today too, and I did hear from a guy last night, that wants to see me. Bleck. I know I need to be happier with myself first, that has to be what the issue is. I hate that our emotional state revolves so much around if we’ve heard drom the guy we want, or how friends or family are treating us. It reminds me that when my ex was in a bad mood, it was impossible for me to be in a good one. How he was acting/felt overshadowed me so much. And it’s been that way with other guys too. I’m scared that we can learn all this about how to treat a man, to not over function, not lean forward, be open and do all the waterwheels in the world…. but if they don’t choose to make us happy, we won’t be.

    I feel scared believing that my ultimate happiness now rests in some man’s hands. I won’t accept that. If I am truly happy with myself, then the man won’t matter. Now, if only I could change myself it’s this self loving, high esteem goddess who loves herself ENOUGH. I need to work harder on losing weight, I don’t feel proud of my body, I don’t like how I look naked, I don’t feel sireny with 40 extra pounds on me. I want it to happen fast, I don’t want to wait 6-8 months to get the rest of this weight off. I’m happy with most aspects of my life, but not how I look. I’m cute, pretty… even sexy when I try, but I sure don’t feel beautiful. I am seeing a difference, just in the last few pounds I lost, but I’ve been here before, been much lower weight than now, and it hasn’t stuck. I’ve always gained it back, plus more. I’m afraid of never getting to my goal weight and feeling fabulous about my body.

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 4:52am

  549. 549: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    #377 SLV

    Aha!! Thanks for the info on that, no recipes yet as I don’t start until Monday, I need my first paycheck since the beginning of December (YAY!!) to buy my Atkins type food in (I am sitting her now eating the last of my chocolate stash :))

    I did buy an Atkins recipe book at a charity shop yesterday, RRP £14.99 and I got it for £1.99. :D

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 4:57am

  550. 550: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Hmmm,…..

    Noticing I feel a little better, like writing it here is saying “out loud” to the world.

    I hate being overweight. I hate seeing my BMI being in the obese catagory, because that is such an ugly word. I feel angry at myself for letting my weight get this out of control that I’ve been on this weight loss roller coaster for 12 years!!! This is so dang stupid. Eat right, drink water, exercise, = losing weight. It’s not rocket science!!!!! But I don’t really love myself. I lke myself a lot of the time…. but it’s much easier for me to focus on everyone else and their issues, than it is to do the work needed on myself.

    I feel fairly certain that if I’d lost the weight, my ex would have come back a long time ago. And that feels shameful to write. Not just because he wants to feel proud of the woman he’s with, like…. look at my girl!!! But because I’d feel so much better about myself and he’d see that.

    But then I think there are plenty of skinny girls on here and they aren’t happy either or having wonderful love lives, so is that just an excuse for me to say, I’ll be happy when…… even though it can’t be the only issue?

    I feel frustrated and confused, like it’s right there in front of me, the secret to my happiness, and I’m just not getting it~!!!!!!!!

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 5:01am

  551. 551: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Hmmm,…..

    Noticing I feel a little better, like writing it here is saying “out loud” to the world.

    I hate being overweight. I hate seeing my BMI being in the obese catagory, because that is such an ugly word. I feel angry at myself for letting my weight get this out of control that I’ve been on this weight loss roller coaster for 12 years!!! This is so dang stupid. Eat right, drink water, exercise, = losing weight. It’s not rocket science!!!!! But I don’t really love myself. I lke myself a lot of the time…. but it’s much easier for me to focus on everyone else and their issues, than it is to do the work needed on myself.

    I feel fairly certain that if I’d lost the weight, my ex would have come back a long time ago. And that feels shameful to write. Not just because he wants to feel proud of the woman he’s with, like…. look at my girl!!! But because I’d feel so much better about myself and he’d see that.

    But then I think there are plenty of skinny girls on here and they aren’t happy either or having wonderful love lives, so is that just an excuse for me to say, I’ll be happy when…… even though it can’t be the only issue?

    I feel frustrated and confused, like it’s right there in front of me, the secret to my happiness, and I’m just not getting it~!!!!!!!!

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 5:01am

  552. 552: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    Hi everyone! With all of the talk about Atkins etc I just wanted to mention another program I used to follow which worked VERY well for me although it wasn’t intense enough for my liking.

    I have done a LOT of research on weight loss because I’ve done a lot of freelance writing on the topic and just wanted to say to be really careful about the really low carb diets like Atkins.

    We NEED carbs in our diet for energy. No carbs means you won’t be able to work out to your full potential. Also, I fill up on carbs after a workout (with a post workout shake) because it’s essential for muscle repair and for subsequent muscle growth which of course increases your metabolism.

    Right now if you visit http://fityummymummy.com/ and click away from the page, a message will come up and you can get the program which is normally around $40 for only $4.95. It’s an ebook too, so you can download it instantly, and I think you get access to the workout videos too, which can also be downloaded. That’s not my affiliate link either by the way, and you don’t have to be a Mum to benefit from this program.

    You only need to check out her blog to see the amazing results she’s getting from women in only a few short weeks, and her eating guidelines are aligned with many other programs I’ve followed, including the one I’m doing now which has had amazing results for some very big people who have tummies to die for! Basically she promotes eating foods as close to their natural state as possible.

    So that’s no processed foods, plenty of fruits and vegetables and protein (eggs, lean chicken and beef, fish, etc), and healthy fats.

    Carbs should also be eaten earlier in the day and after your workout although definitely not eliminated.

    I’ve seen results with little to lose. I’ve also seen others who have done her program and lost LOTS! Some of these women were beyond obese and their results are absolutely amazing, so worth a look.

    Ok I’ll go and keep catching up on this blog now! ;)

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 5:07am

  553. 553: LolitaNo Gravatar says:

    Feeling unraveled…

    M and I got back together last weekend, he said he missed me, held me close, we were intimate. We had a great weekend although he had a project on Sunday night and needed Sunday to prepare. We spoke on Monday and we agreed to make more beautiful moments together. Then Tuesday I had a work event, so we didnt speak and last night he had some training that I know runs late… and I called at a time I thought he would be home. He wasn’t. I called his cell and it rand twice and he refused the call (you know that sound it makes). Then I called back 15 mins later (big mistake) and it just rang and he didnt answer.

    This is why I suppose Rori says to never call, because I was in a good, though uncertain, place and I came unraveled. I know there could be a ton of reasons, he fell asleep, he had a bad day, it was bad timing, he wasnt home yet and didnt want to wonder… it could be many things including the things I don’t want to write.

    I feel so horrible. Yet I know it could be nothing to worry about.

    I want to feel like a Siren again. I need to do some tools today. Stuck at home with bronchitis for the next few days…

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 5:12am

  554. 554: LolitaNo Gravatar says:

    ((((LIZKA))))

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 5:15am

  555. 555: LolitaNo Gravatar says:

    Lizka, he may just need to space to absorb everything. Men need the space after intense moments. Women are different, they want to get closer after intense moments.

    I think I may consider that advice for myself…

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 5:17am

  556. 556: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    546 – Mali

    “Keep on at it, my dear. Usually it;s at that point when you feel like giving up that the Universe is just about to deliver for you =) ”

    I so so so hope you are right. Thanks, that made me smile and I feel hopeful.

    Silver Moonbeam: Me? Inspiring? Lol I feel so surprised to read that. I just feel so lame lately… But it feels good to read like “hey Lizka, you ARE inspiring, it’s just a 2 days down, it happens. You’ll rock the siren again in a few days when you’re back on track”. Thank you Silver. :)

    Turquoise: thank you so much for all the kind words you have for me all the time. Let’s do a team like Team stop-the-bad-mood-and-give-ourself-some-love… What do you think? We could support each other when we’re feeling down to think aboit some more fun things… Just writting that, I feel better :)

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 5:20am

  557. 557: LolitaNo Gravatar says:

    Wow, there are so many posts here that it’s really difficult for me to keep up with my busy schedule…

    I’m really sorry. I’m reading it all now…

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 5:23am

  558. 558: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Oh Lolita! :)

    You read that… I feel a little embarassed and shy. Lol. But thank you for the advice. And I knooooow! I just need people to remind me again and again and again. :(

    Hope I’ll see you today xoxo

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 5:31am

  559. 559: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    TH and I went away for the night last night and had a wonderful time! We had dinner at a theatre restaurant where I drank the biggest cocktail EVER! Then we stopped by the casino on our way back to our hotel.

    It was so nice to just get away, even if it was only an hour from home!

    Then this morning we had breakfast with a guy from work and his partner at their apartment overlooking the ocean – it was divine!

    TH wasn’t sure if this guy knew about us, but he certainly does now!! He didn’t look surprised though, so it wasn’t awkward at all which is good.

    So we sat around for a few hours just talking and we talked about some activities we’d like to do in the coming months. Then TH was talking about meeting up with the boys for drinks today (it’s Australia day here, so a public holiday), but for some reason decided not to, although I really didn’t mind if he went or not.

    He then sang to me the ENTIRE way home, making up the words in “tune” to the music on the radio. OMG by the end of the trip I was ready to kill him! lol

    And tonight we were relaxing on the couch and he kept grabbing me and trying to wrestle me, so I asked him if it was “annoy BW day” today!! Gawd! We were both laughing and then I tried to pinch his nipples but he was too strong! Hehe!

    I love it when it’s like this with us. Just fun and lighthearted. No stress, just relaxed and fun.

    This is a far cry from my pre-December days!! Phew!

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 5:33am

  560. 560: LolitaNo Gravatar says:

    Iamabutterlfy @82, that study is really interesting… Kinda makes me wonder about sharing our love so much but not feeling it that we are getting it back.

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 5:36am

  561. 561: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    what would it look like for me to not be broken anymore?

    i intend to feel into that answer

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 5:41am

  562. 562: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Lolita I just saw that you are sick. I feel tlreally to read that.

    I think you are doing a good thing by staying home and take care of you. When you’ll feel better, I guess you’ll have more chance to handle better your emotions regarding M…

    And like you said, yes, you probably just called at a wrong moment, he was sleeping/tired/in a bad mood/bla bla bla… Probably the same thing about P. You are right. So let’s stop worrying… NOW! What do you think?

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 5:42am

  563. 563: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    im actually really strong

    im actually willing to battle

    but im not sure what it would look like

    to battle for a mission that i believe in

    (i feel scared ill ruin everything by even going to ‘battle’ in the first place)

    i intend to see the divinity in this

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 5:44am

  564. 564: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    #388 Turquoise

    I am not trying to say that you are wrong and I am right because I am still trying to get my head around the fact that we have been misinformed by governments, by doctors, by so called health experts, by the whole diet and gym industry for all these years. Please just check out even the reviews on that book I posted and make up your own mind. I am still also trying to get my head around Atkins again as last time I felt soooo guilty because of course I was so tuned into the old ways and still am to an extent though I am learning. And of course this is not going to apply to 100% of the population but I do know from past experience that I am carb sensitive.

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    “The most important point of the book is that all those public recommendations — the food pyramid, the “eat food, not too much” approach, everything we know about a balanced lifestyle — is founded on the premise of Calories In vs. Calories Out. That we get fat because we eat too many calories, or we don’t burn enough of them through movement. But this is nonsense. It’s not just wrong, it is actually not a statement about what causes obesity at all (or heart disease, cancer or diabetes, for that matter.) It is, in Taubes’ words, a “junior high level mistake,” because it tells us nothing about fat accumulation. If we get fat, by definition we have taken in more calories than we’ve put out — but WHY we took in those calories, or didn’t burn them, is the key point.

    Taubes reviews the scientific literature (rather than the popular press) and presents a conclusion that was common knowledge before WWII, and heresy afterward: we get fat because our fat cells have become disregulated and are taking nutrients that should be available to other tissues. Like a tumor, the cells live for themselves rather than in balance with the rest of the body. And since those nutrients aren’t available, we become hungry and tired. Therefore we eat more, and move less.”

    “The book does not tell you how to eat in a restaurant. But it does tell you that the issue isn’t in your brain, your willpower, your character, your job, your environment or even (except to the extent that you’re sensitive to carbohydrate) in your genes. The problem with fat is in your fat cells.”

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    Kind of like when you first find Rori and it’s like aha aha aha!!! I have been sooooo wrong all these years, I wasn’t supposed to act like this or that or do all this care for a man (overfunctioning), or call him because I wanted to talk to him, all of that needs a while shift in our way of being.

    So I say off with the old and on with the new. :D

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 5:44am

  565. 565: LolitaNo Gravatar says:

    Lizka and Sirens, I am so confused. He seemed genuinely happy to be back with me… yet I have this weird feeling. His profile is still on match and that drives me crazy…

    I really want him to tell me that he still loves me, to remove his profile, and that we are fine…

    Today I feel all crumbled, sick and lonely. I wish he would call me back, surely he knows I tried to call last night… it makes me feel very bad and yes very high-strung like Rori says…

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 5:47am

  566. 566: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    * whole* shift

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 5:48am

  567. 567: LolitaNo Gravatar says:

    Lizka, I want to stop worrying, I just wish he would call and I could then relax. I feel bad because I leaned forward and him not answering was like a slap in the face to me… it felt painful. I hate leaning forward.

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 5:49am

  568. 568: LolitaNo Gravatar says:

    I have been doing some CC programs as well, and they are the same in essence although some of his advice is different in regards to leaning forward (creating, inviting, expanding love). I feel confused. I am trying to absorb all these tools and take what works for me or in different situations. I still love the way Rori’s tools make me feel, I will do some today.

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 5:52am

  569. 569: LolitaNo Gravatar says:

    Rori’s programs pretty much saved us during our last breakup last summer and I had just started dong them for 1 week at the time!

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 5:53am

  570. 570: LolitaNo Gravatar says:

    I think it all comes down to Anxiety and Energy.

    Sorry, I am writing as it comes up…

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 5:55am

  571. 571: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    #408 Goodheart

    Great post and thanks for your take on leaning back, I never thought of it like that before!! Thank you for sharing. :)

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 5:55am

  572. 572: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    people dont value me and i dont make enough money

    — living the battle that people dont value me

    living an internal battle whether youre a hero or a loser

    other people are trying to push me and say “youre not good enough”

    never safe in the world – more interested int eh battle that proves you can never be safe – than in actually being safe

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 6:08am

  573. 573: LizNo Gravatar says:

    Hi!
    Hey, I am just jumping in on the posts by Brenda and lk early on in this thread and have not caught up yet….
    But Brenda, this might work for you, the marking days on the calendar thingie!!!!
    LK, this happened to me in the woods, because I went back to the spot where accountantCD kissed me and asked the trees and the river what the most appropriate thing for me to do was and I got 7 weeks, no contact….so i put that on my calendar and i sat in the woods by the river and prayed for strength to do what I needed to do for myself to get to the 7 week mark without contacting him….

    Now it has been almost two weeks and I feel so much stronger and my faith in my ability to bring the love that I want into my life has really grown….there have been lonely moments, for sure, especially right before going to sleep and when I get horny, but it feels so much better overall that I am not chasing….I think I am getting the hang of this leaning back…..

    So Brenda, I don’t know if you pray or not, but going to a sacred place might help you get to a place where you feel more comfortable leaning back….and no matter where you are at in your process….you are okay be me….:)

    thanks for sharing that calendar trick lk
    i feel that it is interesting that once you reached the 90 days that that person was no longer special to you…

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 6:08am

  574. 574: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    worthiness – hero or loser

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 6:09am

  575. 575: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    negative pleasure – complaining… so much energy moving thru body – feels good

    just go in circle – next day same battle

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 6:10am

  576. 576: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Rori Raye Relationship Tip: How To Say What You Feel & Stop The “Intensity” That Pushes Men Away

    I know the whole idea of “saying what you feel” sounds wrong.

    Men are supposed to HATE feelings, aren’t they?

    A man gets really uncomfortable around “drama” and the kind of emotional intensity where your energy is all bound up in a kind of “push-pull” tension inside you – but he LOVES “feelings.”

    He loves to see you “uncovered.”

    As though you’re a transparent woman and he can see everything that’s going on inside you. Yes, even the “yucky” stuff.

    What we’re talking about here is vulnerability, and vulnerability is a RARE thing.

    “Fragility” is common, where a man feels you could easily break apart or fly into a rage or into tears at the drop of a hat. And he’s always on the lookout for that.

    But vulnerability requires inner strength, bravery, and a belief in yourself.

    In order to let someone see who you are inside – especially a man you love – you have to be “okay” with yourself.

    Liking yourself is even better. And loving yourself gets you the prize!

    Because if what a man sees when he looks at you is that you love yourself – then he feels compelled to love you, too. He can’t help himself.

    So saying what you feel is a necessary part of being vulnerable.

    But it doesn’t mean you spew your feelings out in just any old way.

    What being vulnerable and saying what you feel means – is that there’s a way to talk about what you feel that works, that’s soft and vulnerable, and there’s a way to talk about what you feel that’s dramatic, “intense” and makes him think you’re fragile and difficult.

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 6:17am

  577. 577: LolitaNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you Feminimewoman for that reminder, it’s inspiring right now.

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 6:20am

  578. 578: LolitaNo Gravatar says:

    I want a relationship where I feel loved, honered and cherished and where I am a priority, not a commodity. I deserve this.

    Thank you to me for going to the doctor yesterday.
    Thank you to me for taking a few days off to heal my bronchitis.
    Thank you to me for the almond milk, mango, banana and honey shake I am about to make for myself.
    Thank you to me for my yoga practice, Namaste.
    Thank you to me for taking care of myself, even in the darkest moments.
    Thank you to me for working on creating better relationships.

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 6:31am

  579. 579: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Often, having what you want is a function of letting go of what you have.

    If you know what I mean.

    The Universe

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 6:35am

  580. 580: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    RE 579

    Reading that comment again a thought just struck. What if that is related to the law of cause and effect?

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 6:36am

  581. 581: LizNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Lizka
    I hope that you are having a good day today.
    Do you have any girlfriends that you really trust?
    (((((((Lizka))))))))

    Is wanting a phone call really bad, is that like leaning forward?
    Looking at a gauge, from 1-100%, how much of the self-care and loving that you are doing is TRULY loving yourself? Or is it coming from a different energy than self-love? I am feeling curious about it, because you are really feeling frustrated with being a siren and you feel like the universe is not responding….
    Is there a part of Lizka that does not feel worthy of love and self-love? Do you intuitively feel like that?
    If so, are you able to bring that part of you up into present time? Can you say: Hey, little Lizka, you are so incredible and this is really a lie, you are so incredible (Because you really are, you are such a burst of sunshine and great energy and you work hard and you enjoy being active and you are learning)
    look at these tools I know of now from Rori and how they have helped me take care of myself and bring your little girl up into present time with you, tell her how much fun it is to use these tools, because what i am receiving about your lack of phone calls is this resistance in your space about letting in the love….sometimes when we are kids, we don’t get the love we needed and we make up NV’s to explain why that are like: I must not be worthy of love, instead of saying my dad is acting like a motherf#ck#r. I am not sure if that explains your situation, but I definitely think if you bring your little lizka along, talk to her and say, come with me to work, come with me when i run, come with me when i am on the blog, see how much fun we are having, you might melt some of this resistance to actually receiving love.
    I hope this all came out okay and it makes sense and that it doesn’t come out all preachy….it is just that i do these things and it helps me out alot….please let me know if you liked it/didn’t like it and i am open to feedback….and I need to get off the blog and do meditation….
    i really truly like your energy a great deal….you really have a gift to give the world that is precious….
    xxoo

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 6:37am

  582. 582: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Understand Men Tip #15

    Men are looking for certain qualities in a woman.

    Do you possess the qualities the type of man you are looking for desires? If not, work on your inner self first or look for a type of man who is looking for someone like you.

    *********************************************************
    Sending you smiles,

    Jonathon Aslay

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 6:46am

  583. 583: PeachesNo Gravatar says:

    I want a phone call too..or a text….it’s now 6 days since i heard from SW and that’s the longest in two years without speaking. I know the plane has landed – I know he’s back in the country now. I know he’s angry with me. I know I’ve done the different thing (for me) and I haven’t called, or texted. I know he sent the last email on Monday and I didn’t answer it (cos it was very cold and impersonal) and oh god this is hard – I want to call him and tell him off. I want contact. I want to know he’s thinking of me and he cares (I think he doesn’t and that feels so bad) and I hurt and I want this hurt to go away.
    How am I going to not contact him? Is there any advice anyone can give me?

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 6:47am

  584. 584: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    siren song
    i play the viola. :)

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 6:50am

  585. 585: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

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    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 6:50am

  586. 586: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    Antonio Banderas (well not quite but he is cute and Latin :) )

    HIM

    its ok B…i could see by your late reply that you are also too busy…anyway it was always a pleasure to exchange some words with you…all the best babe…just to let you know that i go to England thousands of times as my Brother live there…lol lol

    kisses

    jose alberto x x

    ME

    Thousands huh LOL :)

    HIM

    Millions LOL LOL.

    xxxx

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 6:52am

  587. 587: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Peaches I think this is a pivotal moment. Look at all the negatives in your post. You say you know a lot of stuff but is that true? He might have been distracted with something else and was being matter of fact why the email came across as cold. He might have been enjoying his time whereever he was or even the night before the flight and don’t even remember why he might have been angry. Is it possible to just shift these thoughts to just being open, with an unzippered heart to see what the Universe brings you with his return? It just seems to me that your comments are suggesting that you are stuck in the past.

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 6:55am

  588. 588: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    I think it might be pine day. Because I woke up pining for contact from CF.

    Let’s put our rings together Captain Planet style to summon Goddess Lean Back.

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 6:56am

  589. 589: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Also Peaches he doesn’t even know if you read the email.

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 6:56am

  590. 590: LolitaNo Gravatar says:

    Peaches,

    Where you open to receiving the email? I don’t want to give you bad advice or send you on the wrong path, but there may have been a way to respond in a loving but not leaning forward way to his email, just in receiving mode. Again, I hope I am not giving you the wrong advice.

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 6:56am

  591. 591: LolitaNo Gravatar says:

    Peaches, an answer could have been all in FMs about how you feel about his email (how it makes you feel) and want you want to feel, and how you feel as a woman on a more positive note.

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 6:57am

  592. 592: LolitaNo Gravatar says:

    I meant what you want to feel

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 6:59am

  593. 593: LolitaNo Gravatar says:

    I am seriously considering bringing up match with M. In how I want to feel safe, and it feels unsafe to me.

    Any suggestions on how to start this conversation?

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 7:02am

  594. 594: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    BTW I wasn’t meaning any of the Sirens when I posted about “so called diet experts” I just meant all the $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ I have spent over the years on the latest and greatest fad diets, not to mention the $$$$$$$$$$$ on gym memberships.

    All of it quite unnecessary as it turns out. :(

    OK ladies sorry for spamming the blog, back to the topic of How To Have The Relationship You Want.

    Thanks Rori for allowing me to vent.

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 7:06am

  595. 595: LolitaNo Gravatar says:

    I had chosen to forgive and trust, and now it feels so scary.

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 7:07am

  596. 596: PeachesNo Gravatar says:

    FW I so hope you’re right about a pivotal moment, and I fear not. You’re right – I’ve been here many times before, and maybe I am influenced by the past.

    I don’t think he’s distracted, or can’t remember why he’s angry with me- he’s a toxic man. Does unzippering your heart (much as I’d love to do that this time and have many times before) mean I will hurt less?? It’s so hard for me to not text or call, but I’m doing it. And I’m proud of me for that. I hope he’s confused and wondering what’s going on with me.

    And I do appreciate your reply – thanks. I know you are very wise as I’ve been lurking and reading here for so long!

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 7:08am

  597. 597: PeachesNo Gravatar says:

    I know he read the email – I got a read receipt.

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 7:10am

  598. 598: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Lolita I have seen Rori suggest something like I feel really good with you and you know, I feel weird about bringing this up, but…I feel excited that we were going to meet. I don’t want to make a big deal out of it, but I feel let down/disappointed when a man doesn’t follow through with something he said he would do (or when I noticed your profile is still on the dating site). What do you think?”

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 7:13am

  599. 599: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Some feeling messages and speeches from a previous thread

    “”I’m not looking for a boyfriend, here, and I don’t want to be in a friendship with sex. Sex is important to me, and I don’t want to get all hormonally involved without knowing where a relationship is going. I feel really good with you, and I don’t want to put pressure on this to become some kind of serious, or even exclusive relationship, so I’d feel so much more comfortable waiting until you know what you have in mind.”
    “Can we talk for a minute? I’ve noticed that sometimes I’m feeling really uncomfortable. I’m not sure if I’m misinterpreting our relationship. I’m starting to feel hormonally all attached to you, and I can’t help wondering what it is that’s
    going on for you. I only know that I’m not looking for a boyfriend, here, and I don’t want to be in a friendship with sex. Sex is important to me, and I don’t want to get all hormonally involved with a friend. I feel really good with you, and I don’t
    want to put pressure on this to become some kind of serious, or even exclusive relationship, so I’m not sure what to do. What do you think?”

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 7:17am

  600. 600: PeachesNo Gravatar says:

    Oh sorry – yes, thats a possibility that he doesn’t know I read the email, but its remote – he knows I check my pc everyday.

    Lolita, thanks. Your replies feel good to me. I’ve found that when I’ve used FMs with him it all goes pear shaped and he goes ballistic and is abusive. I’m sure I read somewhere here that if you use a FM and the guy can’t handle it then you know he’s not your guy – am I right about that?
    This blog today has mentioned narcissists, and I’m pretty sure that SW is in that category. I’d consider myself just about an expert on narcissism as I’ve done a lot of research on that topic, and some info has helped enormously in my interactions with him. Also, I’m a psycholgist so it’s not out of my field of expertise, but really, did I have to get seriously attached to one??!! What on earth did/do I need to heal in me?!

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 7:18am

  601. 601: T-GirlNo Gravatar says:

    Hi everyone, just wanted to pop in and say hi. We are still in the hospital. Im not sure when we will get to go home as they are treating a staph infection in her blood and she will probably have to have her gall bladder removed after the infection is gone.

    I have been reading the blog everyday on my tablet but it is hard to type on this so i havent been able to interact that much.

    I have been in my boy energy all this time here. I ..really dont see any way around it. J has been with me everyday and

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 7:19am

  602. 602: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Peaches being directly in the situation I know I can’t possibly know what is happening. But to me it is a pivotal moment because he might be expecting you to give it to him when he nexts speaks to you. If you are open and vulnerable without being angry and spewing on him he might be surprised. I can’t tell you that he is not toxic but my thinking is that if you focus on labelling that way, your unconscious mind will direct you into reacting to him from that space so no matter what he does he cannot win with you. I don’t know if that makes sense to you. But I would try to redirect my mind from that space and bring the focus back to me. That way I will allow myself to feel what I am feeling while in his presence.

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 7:21am

  603. 603: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    T-Girl your family is in my prayers. Thanks for keeping us informed.

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 7:22am

  604. 604: LolitaNo Gravatar says:

    Femininewoman, thank you. That is one way to bring it up. It’s just we’ve been in and out of this for the past few weeks and I want to make sure I don’t bring it up to soon. He pulled away and his immediate response is to repost a profile (he did the exact same thing last summer) Except, we were intimate again last weekend and I feel so insecure about the possibility that he is on match because he is still looking. I can’t fathom that feeling after the weekend we had and I want to bring it up, yet I am afraid he will pull away again and be more deviant. It seems to be a pattern for him that I am discovering.

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 7:25am

  605. 605: LolitaNo Gravatar says:

    (((T-GIRL))) I hope all is well soon.

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 7:27am

  606. 606: PeachesNo Gravatar says:

    FW do you have a feeling message that I can use or can you help me with one when I hear from him? I’m quite sure I’ll hear from him if I stay leaned back, and I feel anxious that I won’t be able to communicate well.

    I’m upset that I have’t heard from him. I’m upset that he accused me of doing something I didn’t do. I’m upset that he’s cut me off. It hurts me that I have been and was suportive and do care about him (his mother just died – and no, he didn’t do this because of that – he’s done this many times before). I feel hurt that the didn’t do what he said he would (call) and he knows it matters to me to be trustworthy…oh really, its just all so sad and silly and a waste of my precious time and energy.
    I feel sad for me.
    I feel sorry for all the wrong things I did.
    I feel sorry that I couldn’t make it work with him and that I thought I just had to love him some more and I had to be more patient (I’m not a patient person i think) and I feel so so scared to let it all go and just stop. And be open to what the universe will bring to me.

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 7:28am

  607. 607: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Lolita could it be that the pattern might be more with you. The patterns of fear and insecurity. The pattern of focussing all your psychic energy on the man that “pushes” him away?

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 7:28am

  608. 608: T-GirlNo Gravatar says:

    Stupid tablets. I got a phone call while I was typing and couldn’t figure out how to get back where I left off and then my comment published before my thought was complete. I don’t remember where I was going with that but I guess I feel greatful to have such a wonderful man by my side even if I have to revert into my boy energy.

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 7:29am

  609. 609: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Lolita read 597 and 598 above and see if you practice writing your own script with what you want to say.

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 7:30am

  610. 610: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Lolita read 597 and 598 above and see if you practice writing your own script with what you want to say.

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 7:30am

  611. 611: LolitaNo Gravatar says:

    @Femininewoman, yes thank you. I will base my script on that and adapt to the situation/moment.

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 7:32am

  612. 612: CamilleNo Gravatar says:

    T-Girl
    Praying for you! Stay strong you are such a wonderful amazing woman and mother! Please keep us posted and know you are in our thoughts.

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 7:32am

  613. 613: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Ok that’s weird. I was smoking outside with a collegue and I heard someone screaming my name… And I turned and P was there, waving at me! He did a step in mu direction and then said he had an appointment and left… It felt good anyway to see him.

    And I come back to the office and I have a very good new. I closed a deal!

    Thank you Universe. Please send more!! :)

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 7:33am

  614. 614: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    its wild how well chocolate and expresso “work” to energize me

    thank u Daria for noticing

    i feel uncomfortable and judgemental of myself to see myself thanking and talking to myself

    and i can Own that label like theres nothign Wrong with feeling judgemetnal with myself its perfectly natural

    and ok

    yay

    and i still wanna tahnk myself

    thank you Daria for doing that processing

    thanj you for doing the EFT

    thank you for getting my phone cord

    thank you for AFIIFM

    thank you for ating those chocolate expresso beans

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 7:34am

  615. 615: LolitaNo Gravatar says:

    Peaches, I was in a relationship with a man many years ago that I know I could have married, and his mother died. It was what tore us apart. He was in another country to take care of her. Looking back, I let him down in that moment. I would really focus on being open and receiving and loving.

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 7:34am

  616. 616: PeachesNo Gravatar says:

    @ 601 FW
    Thank you so much – thats quite right and true about the label I’ve given him. I’ll think about that some more and see if I can shift my thoughts so my unconscious mind is more pure.
    Its hard though right now, and I’m starting to feel a little bit better – I’m grateful I’m here cos I’m pretty sure if I hadn’t found here I would’ve been drama queening all over him!

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 7:35am

  617. 617: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Someone once said “Conflict with self= conflict with men”

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 7:39am

  618. 618: CamilleNo Gravatar says:

    Peaches,
    you have the education and experience. Step out and pull your self up above the situation and dont look at you as”you” picture another women in your place and watch the interactions….as if you were hearing it from a psychologist.

    Now how do you feel? What can you see?

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 7:39am

  619. 619: LolitaNo Gravatar says:

    Femininewoman 606:

    Yes, I am way too focused on him and yes insecurity is a pattern for me that I am trying to let go of. It has been a recurring pattern in all my relationships, and I know a lot of them could have lasted. I am focusing on being more positive and into myself and my life and bringing positive energy into the relationship. But last night when he didnt answer my call and closed the call on his cell, it felt like a slap to me and brought me right back down.

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 7:40am

  620. 620: MelNo Gravatar says:

    Lolita,

    How do you feel about being intimate with someone who is dating others?

    I had a similar experience a while back…

    This is what I said:

    “I’m feeling a little uncomfortable about something and since there’s no easy way to bring this up, I want to just be honest. I noticed that you still have your Match profile online, and I feel a little uneasy and yucky about that. I’m just a girl, and to me sex is not something I take lightly. I simply don’t sleep with men that are dating other women. I certainly don’t want to pressure you or ask you to do anything you are not ready for, but you should know that I cannot continue to be intimate with someone that is dating others. I would be happy to go out on fun dates with you if you prefer to keep things casual, but sex is something I only share in a more exclusive relationship. What do you think?”

    This thing is… you have to MEAN IT Lolita!

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 7:40am

  621. 621: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    ahi read and you work heard and felt like i got stabbed

    i feel really mad at this

    i am committed to eradicating all attachment and ‘negative pleasure’ in ‘workign hard’

    yes i know i can get approval, even from my inner critic for this

    and i want to stop it!

    i dont want to condemn myself

    i dont even want this part of my THINKNIG PROCESS

    i want work, and working HARD to be out of my conception

    i can use passionate and feeling intense energy, feeling powerful energy, feeling important, feeling amazing, feeling the reward of feeling a heroine

    love me i want that

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 7:41am

  622. 622: T-GirlNo Gravatar says:

    BW, the Yummy Mummy sounds very intriguing to me. I am definitely going to check it out when I get home. thanks for the link. I have lots of exercise programs like Turbo Fire, P90x, etc but they are a huge time commitment which is my issue now. So those exercises are only 15 minutes?

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 7:45am

  623. 623: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i am committed, passionate, feelin the energy, inspiring, amazing, aweing, powerful! using a lot of power

    mmmmm

    yum thanks for my neww understanding of the essence of ‘hard work’ and what feels good under it

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 7:46am

  624. 624: LolitaNo Gravatar says:

    Mel, Thank you. And I really do mean it. I can’t sleep with him if I KNOW he sees other women, right now I simply don’t know as he reposted the profile during our breakup. But he does log in every few days.

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 7:47am

  625. 625: CamilleNo Gravatar says:

    Sirens,

    I’m feeling much stronger today than yesterday.
    I still havent heard from “T” boy he is really man-caving or hes really walking out for good.

    I talked to a guy on pof last night that was also an artist! Im intrigued. I also texted a man that was a glass blower! IM intriged again.

    It would be fun to spend some time with men who understand having a creative passion.

    Im trying not to “think” about “T” or the possibility of what it will be like if he comes to get the rest of his things and says “its over for good” yuck makes me feel yucky

    I also dont like looking at his “stuff” but Trying to stay out of my head (its so chaotic in there) trying to keep my heart as my master today.

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 7:48am

  626. 626: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    T-tapp exercise is only 15 min for the full workout and it feels amazing … heals from the inside out (not just muscles, but hormone system, lymphatic system… )

    annd it spot treats and pulls in body and realigns posture

    it really feels exciting to me just to know i know about it

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 7:48am

  627. 627: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Yay Camille you’re taking care of you through the muck i feel reassured to see your strength and love and commitment thank you for sharing

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 7:49am

  628. 628: siren songNo Gravatar says:

    daria,

    what is AFIIFM?

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 7:49am

  629. 629: MelNo Gravatar says:

    I had a blast last night playing Barbies with Mr. A’s daughter. I could sense his son “competing” for his father’s attention, so us girls left the men to bond and went on our merry way.

    The Barbies at Mr. A’s place have a severe wardrobe deficiency… and what fun are Barbies without outfits and shoes? So this morning I went to Walmart to pick up a few accessories. Some guy walked by and said… you know Miss, those are for little girls! LOL. I’m just a big kid, so what does it matter! ;)

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 7:51am

  630. 630: CamilleNo Gravatar says:

    Daria,
    where can I get the information T-tapp exercise, it sounds wonderful.

    and thanks for the support. I hope I sound strong.

    Im focusing so much on being totally authentic. And I think realizing I only wanted to call him to control the situation was a huge break-through and really let me know that in my heart I dont want to be that way so I dont want to act that way…….so no calling became so easy.

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 7:53am

  631. 631: siren songNo Gravatar says:

    i love T-Tap. i started doing some of the tummy exercises over christmas and lost some inches really quickly. and gently. it’s awesome!

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 7:53am

  632. 632: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Also Lolita what is it about you that would want a man who would neglect you? Do you want him to do or say something that will minimize the feeling of the slap? Why the urgency?

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 7:53am

  633. 633: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    Sorry ladies, my last post has gone into moderation and will put your reply numbers out of whack. :(

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 7:54am

  634. 634: CamilleNo Gravatar says:

    Mel,
    Way to be so aware and create something so fun!
    I admire you so much.

    I want to become a bumblebee like you! lol

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 7:54am

  635. 635: PeachesNo Gravatar says:

    Lolita – thats such a shame, I’m sorry to hear that.

    I always thought that SW and I were mostly right together, and I really don’t think I’ve let him down. I think my mistake was to expect him to do what he said he would, which was call me, and then to give him a FM when he did call. He didn’t like that and hung up and refused to answer mycalls or texts. So I stopped. then he text me saying I lied to his family (I didn’t). I didn’t answer the text, then a few days later I emailed a feeling message of sympathies to him to find comfort and strength to support each other (his family). His reply was like a standard answer to messages of condolences. So I didn’t answer that either. He text a friend of ours the next day and said I’d made trouble and he wasn’t coping…WTF???? I tried so hard to make it right and failed. I feel like I failed, and it seems to me that no matter what I did or do now it won’t be right and he’ll criticise me and blame me.

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 7:54am

  636. 636: LolitaNo Gravatar says:

    Camille, the best thing you can do right now is do the Waterwheel and the 100 men out the window exercices and the row boat too and I really like the drumming in Modern Siren cause it shifts my vibe. So that when you do hear from him or he shows up to pick up stuff or whatever, he will sense your vibe is good.

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 7:55am

  637. 637: CamilleNo Gravatar says:

    Peaches,

    Dont you dare take on his blame. (sorry if that sounds harsh)

    You are giving “him” your power.

    If anything he said is 100% true then possibly think about it. But I can guarantee you that his blame and criticism has no truth in it. It’s not your stuff, dont own it!

    Hes only hurting himself by blaming and criticising you. What he is going through has “nothing” to do with you………he is displacing it on you.

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 7:59am

  638. 638: MelNo Gravatar says:

    Lolita,

    No… you don’t know he’s seeing others. And of course you will give hime the benefit of the doubt. But at least for me it was important to state my boundary.

    There’s no pressure for him this way. He can keep his Match profile up… and you will date him (AND OTHERS!!), but you will not be intimate. He can take it down if he feels so inclined (completely his choice) and then you would feel comfortable having a sexual relationship. You are the siren here. You’re just stating very clearly what you need in order to feel at ease in an intimate relationship.

    And remember… it doesn’t HAVE to be him!! He could just be a regular old CD and you can find a better man, who is ready to DO relationship.

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 7:59am

  639. 639: LolitaNo Gravatar says:

    Peaches, I know how you feel because I had a similar situation during our xmas vacation where ‘I let down’ his kids by being too much about ‘rules’ (eating at the table, ect) and to him it was that I ruined the vacation and we broke up then. But M did come back although it is obviously still very fragile.

    I sense your man needs a little space to get over whatever anger he has and the best you can do is to express your feelings to him in a loving way so that he can work on his feelings for you as well.

    I have trouble understanding exactly what he blames you of.

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 8:00am

  640. 640: PeachesNo Gravatar says:

    @ 617 Camille

    Yes, I see a waste of time and energy…….really.

    And I’ve known that for ages. so no more tears. no more sadness. it is what it is. he is who he is. And I may love him deeply, but I cannot be with him.

    Thanks. I might cry now…i feel so sad, so very sad

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 8:01am

  641. 641: CamilleNo Gravatar says:

    Yes Lolita,
    Thank you for reminding me. I will re watch Modern Siren today to get my vibe in the perfect place for me!

    Oh the support here is so awsome.

    I just love women and there sense of compassion..
    Thank you

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 8:01am

  642. 642: SondraNo Gravatar says:

    Here is a question that only true Sirens can answer – When in a new relationship with a man who is giving me everything a woman could ever desire and I am not yet giving him anything, (because i usually go over the top and give more than a man does and now I know better) . . . what do I do about Valentines Day? My Match guy is so sweet and he is taking me away for this weekend and showering me with affection and dinners and flowers and dancing and I just KNOW he will make a big deal out of Valentines Day – what do I get for him? Anything? A card? A gift? I’ll mess this up if I don’t get some solid advice! He seems to love giving to me and he is leaning forward and I don’t want to tilt the balance – lol

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 8:01am

  643. 643: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Peaches “tried so hard to make it right and failed. I feel like I failed, and it seems to me that no matter what I did or do now it won’t be right ”

    This is something Rori teaches about. Doing these things will only result in him liking you, as a friend. To bring the romantic feelings back you have to lean back. He will not fall in love with you because of what you do. The space you give him will get him into his emotional body and hopefully miss you and help him realize what life will be like without you. Give him the gift of missing you.

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 8:05am

  644. 644: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Sondra – you don’t have to do anything!

    Romance is all about receiving from the man, as gracefully as our womanly self can receive

    so Valentine’s Day is a perfect time for HIM to WOO YOU!

    what a great opportunity – a day devoted to romance – to lean back, receive, and see what this man provides for you

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 8:05am

  645. 645: CamilleNo Gravatar says:

    Peaches,
    You do love him and have such a huge heart filled with compassion for him. I get that Ive been there. Something that really helps me when I feel I have screwed up and now cant help someone I love is this……

    Your heart has no bounds……you dont have to be with him to send him love……..Picture yourself and your heart sending him love and compassion.

    Dont put limits on your love Peaches thats part of what is making your heart feel sad. Send him all the love through your heart with your beautiful loving energy……….send him love and send yourself love and realize its because you are such a wonderful women who can feel………its a gift! You can feel and send it to anyone you want to and they will recieve it thats the great part about being a woman……..we can nurture someone with out having to “do” acts.

    hugs to you

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 8:06am

  646. 646: MelNo Gravatar says:

    Camille,

    Good for you to go on POF and find some yummy artistic men! I admire your strength and positive spirit too. :)

    Can you put T’s things into a box and close the lid so that you don’t have to see them?

    Do you feel inspired to channel some of your feelings into a piece of artwork? I found that being creative really helped me to get back into my body and not feel so numb. It was a good outlet for me.

    Much love,
    Mel

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 8:07am

  647. 647: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    i am really feelin myself Goddesses. i am feelin really secure and open in this mindbodyspiritspace

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 8:07am

  648. 648: LolitaNo Gravatar says:

    Femininewoman 631:

    M never neglected me, in fact the opposite, except for the 2 pulling away episodes in the last year where i sense it was more about his space and freedom. I would never accept a man who allways treats me badly. Which makes it all the more difficult right now that he feels so far.

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 8:07am

  649. 649: CamilleNo Gravatar says:

    Sondra,
    give him the gift of seeing your “eyes light up” when you open his gifts. Give him a smile that will warm his heart. And give him a hug that has appreciation all over it! Then give him a look that says “you are a great man!

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 8:08am

  650. 650: CamilleNo Gravatar says:

    Sondra,
    Oh and a “thank you” wouldnt be out of the question!
    (wink, wink)

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 8:10am

  651. 651: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Sondra this is my humble opinion. While I do agree with Daria the gestures he is making suggests a couple of things to me:-

    1. Gift giving might be his love language. People tend to show love in a way they want to receive it. Otherwise they don’t feel loved.

    2. He is a giver.

    A giver would want someone who knows how to receive. That being said if the relationship is new he is on his best behavior so things might change a bit further down the road. My guess would be that if you think he has given a lot it might be okay to give him something. Just know that if it is elaborate and his isn’t you might end up feeling resentful. It might be best to just wait for an opportunity where you can just ask him what would make him feel loved on Valentine’s Day. My experience is that guys don’t really even like it but they will indulge us that day.

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 8:12am

  652. 652: PeachesNo Gravatar says:

    I’m so grateful you’re here and replying to me cos really, if not, I might have been blowing up his phone by now!

    Camille, that doesn’t sound harsh. I feel like I did the best I could do, and if he can’t see that tough for him.
    Its a pattern that its always about him, which is a feature of narcissism. And although everybody is a tad narcissistic, cos there’s healthy narcissism and then there’s pathological n, he’s pretty pathological I think. So if i take FW’s advice, which is very wise, and unzipper my heart and try to be open and warm and loving when I hear from him one of two things will happen – he’ll be warm and surprised, or he’ll be horrible.

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 8:13am

  653. 653: CamilleNo Gravatar says:

    Thanks Mel,
    I have removed all of his things from inside the house and especially the bedroom and put them away where I cant see them and his things in the bathroom too.

    Its stuff I cant cover up that outside like his Jeep, trailer, 4 wheelers, that kind of stuff that I see everytime I walk out of the house. Sometimes it gets to me and its painful…….so I want to cause him some pain and say “instead of being off galavanting doing whatever you damn well want to, come and get your sh*t off my property!”

    But I won’t! LOL thats just my way of trying to hurt him and control him ………..so Camille’s not doing that!

    and Mel I am always painting something! Definitely important for me to consistantly have a creative outlet. Right now IM painting things for money though. Maybe I should just paint something for myself this weekend?

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 8:15am

  654. 654: JennyNo Gravatar says:

    @ 641 Sondra.

    How about grabbing him and give him a hot, melting kiss as a thank for his gift…

    Hmm I dont know, I’m into the line of thinkign; “Gift? You are the price…why shall you give?
    …ok high goddess speaking right now; “He should lay gift around your feet, worship you, give sacrify”

    Hmm she is kind of strong today..just keep speaking about he giving to you, and for him it will be enough with your smile, a kiss and you say “Thank you soo much, I feel so happy right now, feels wonderfull be here with you”

    …yeah that is what my goddess is saying…

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 8:15am

  655. 655: MelNo Gravatar says:

    @Sweetpea, Re: 454

    I don’t know if he’ll want to be left alone during a busy week. Of course, as usual, I’ll leave it up to him to plan when/how to see me.

    However, I think that it’s helpful to know that even if I’m not seeing him, chances are he’s thinking of me/missing me in my absence… and that feels good. :)

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 8:26am

  656. 656: PeachesNo Gravatar says:

    Camille, FW and Lolita

    Thanks for hearing me tonight – I truly appreciate it so much. I don’t post here much but read all the time and you’re all such awesome sirens!

    I feel calmer now and have stopped crying. I have to sleep now so I can function and work tomorrow, but I’ve taken your advice and will work on opening my heart and sending him love. You’re right Camille, I do love him, and always will. A therapist I went to years ago told me to always remember that we can’t help who we love……now thats an interesting thought I just remembered!

    Its 2.30 am here so I must say night, I’m sure I’ll be back though and thanks again awesome sirens :)

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 8:28am

  657. 657: CamilleNo Gravatar says:

    Good night Peaches………sweet dreams and rest youll be your great powerful strong siren self in the morning when you awake!

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 8:31am

  658. 658: PeachesNo Gravatar says:

    @ 642 FW

    Yes, I will keep leaning back..really I will – thanks :)

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 8:32am

  659. 659: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Liz,

    RE: #573 – That was inspiring! Yes, I pray a lot. I have set February 14th as my new D-day, after last night, when I royally caved. Valentine’s Day.

    I will be doing lots of praying between now and then.

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 8:45am

  660. 660: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Mali,

    RE: #523 – I think you responded well to Mr. Naughty Spanking.

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 8:48am

  661. 661: Silver-Tongued SirenNo Gravatar says:

    299- lush oasis- “Love is patient. Love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not rejoice in evils but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perserveres” I Corinthians 13:4-7 —that’s one of my favorites!

    302-Mel – thanks for posting the link about labels/if we think about something do we attract it.
    & 307 FW

    I have been thinking if you label a man with something negative, that is what you get.

    319 – sensual –

    ugh towed!! And other stuff – sounds frustrating! I am so glad you’re happy now and feeling lighter!!! Also, moon moving from aquarius to pisces, nice to know! Pisces has always confused me, not sure why. But, if pisces is a romantic place for the moon, I’m all for it. :D

    325- lk –
    “i’m a fairy princess! i’m sweet & being around me is like playing on glitter clouds lol”

    I want to have images of things like this for myself!!!
    More importantly I want to feel like these things are true, that I AM that fun to be around!

    “the woman says, i move for no man. the wind moves through me, i sing a thousand songs without a single movement of my tongue. i am over & over again nearness & space at once. yes.” —-I love this

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 8:57am

  662. 662: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    I’m supposed to meet Hippie at 2 pm to go to a Christian concert with about 10 bands. I feel open to going on a date with him, even tho I’m not romantically interested, but I am feeling huge resistance about going to the concert.

    I went to the same one last year and, altho I enjoyed it immensely, it took about a 12 hour chunk of time, and there was so much walking that I was lame at the end of the night. The concert itself is 3-4 hours. If you don’t get there hours early, you will either not get a seat or get a seat way back. And it’s about 1.5 hours away, so lots of driving.

    I have a lot I need to do and don’t really feel like spending 12 hours out tonight. Trying to think of a nice way to tell Hippie that I don’t want to.

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 8:58am

  663. 663: Silver-Tongued SirenNo Gravatar says:

    329 –sensual – re flirting etc

    “@326 wow feminewoman I was thinking about this only this morning, IMO how secure you feel about your relationship is the key here. and that can obviously be related to how secure you feel about yourself…”

    yes… how secure you feel about your relationship is the key – related to how secure you feel about yourself –

    I was just thinking this when I went on fb and saw that man-I-live-with was tagged at dinner last night with four of the girls from work. Which is embarrassing! Not only was he not at home eating dinner, he was not with me eating dinner! He was with four girls! We are extremely social so it’s not unusual that he is with a lot of people or even a lot of women, but I feel embarrassed to see a post about dinner with other women and not me and not at home, because I wonder how others see it, and it makes me feel bad that he wasn’t home, too. … and I think, it doesn’t HAVE to be embarrassing, if I know that I am the best, — in fact maybe HE should be embarrassed to not be home having dinner with the best thing that has ever happened to him! :D …and also I think of the RockStar tool.. why can’t I just make up a better story??!?! sigh.

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 8:59am

  664. 664: Silver-Tongued SirenNo Gravatar says:

    350 –Daria! I am so glad you feel all soft and lovely about communicating expecting to be paid for on dates and to have plans made. I love that. I am inspired to be more assertive about this. ANYtime a man asks me to do something, I let him take care of things, but if a situation ever comes up I’d like to feel comfortable saying that I’d like him to pay for it.

    351- lk –
    “he’s going to freak out on his own tonight i bet & make shxt happen. what am i talking about thinking about bringing things up ? i don’t want to row the boat.”

    EXACTLY. He will. If he doesn’t, he will soon! Men can’t stand it. They’re so used to girls leaning forward all the time now.

    373-Starla – I only briefly glanced at it, but soothetube looks like an interesting site…Interesting in that it is not only videos of soothing music or nature, but other things like someone getting their nails done, knives sharpening, videos of drawing, sound of writing with a ballpoint pen. etc relaxing things…

    391- Daria-
    “Lizka – the purpose of leaning back consciously is to allow self to see that she doesn’t HAVE TO do anything to ‘get love’”

    Daria, I love this way of putting it. Some times I feel like I get love for the things I DO for our family, around the house, my financial input, … I don’t want to feel this way because it seems that even if this is the message I get, it’s actually untrue. It’s NOT what makes him attracted to me. …being interested in myself is what makes him attracted to me.

    I do a great job on most things, not so great on the financial contribution (since I’m taking care of our family/house/baby) therefore I spend any spare time worrying about money/finding work, and end up NOT being interested in myself because I feel I don’t have time to do anything else. And he even complains about that! (you’re at home too much!) … it’s not easy to go out with baby (sometimes two kids) to just any event I want to go to. Until I can afford childcare and baby is ready for it. I could barter for childcare, perhaps, but I just don’t even have any extra energy left.

    Anyway, my point is YES I agree with you!! Now when I understand it entirely, so that I KNOW it not just mentally but within myself and practically, that will be an entirely different thing!

    “in fact trying to Do something to ‘get love’ will not work and will feel bad!

    but, sometimes the way is to experiment with the leaning forward (experience the feelings after) and next time they’ll be more experience and gut level knowing about the choice”

    “the problem is that leaning forward is kinda like a Vote that i WONT get what i want (without doing)”

    Yes, Yes, Yes! I relate to these things.

    407-Lizka –
    “if I had a bath, i would feel incredibly good right now. Baths is one of the thing I love the most in the whole world. But I live in an old and small apartment, and there is no bath…” oohhhh I want a bath too! I wish I could take a bath right now. It’s nearly impossible with toddler around. I try to give him a bath with me but that’s not relaxing. And he won’t sit down either. He doesn’t like showers either, the water gets in his eyes. He DOES like to stand in or out side the tub and scoop water and get it EVERYwhere.
    Every SHOWER I have taken since he has been born has nearly been a miracle. Man-I-Live-With usually works early enough that he isn’t able to really help with that, and baby is a light sleeper most of the time (especially if he hears something he LOVES like water. And come to think of it, even if Man-I-Live-With HAS been around to help, the baby used to just cry the entire time, as he hates to not be with mommy – it’s been horribly frustrating and disappointing for Man-I-Live-With. I feel sad for him, I feel it kind of hurts him a bit.. Baby is getting better about it though. :D oohh I wish for a bath! Where I can sit in the bath for however long I want, with bath bombs and nice smelling soaps and shampoos and candles… and quiet….
    And hot water that never ends!
    And yes, body brush, moisturize..and a massage, even just a foot massage.. yess.. pleasseee.

    434-Mali-
    ” your not a hot goddess mali, you’re just a naughty little girl that needs spanking, that is all.”
    Using byron katie’s mirroring tool, I think he is talking about himself here…..
    Hehe. And I agree with VW – “But, the issue is not what he says…ever…but rather how do I react to what he says…:)” Feeling messages! Not blame, feeling.

    467- etc –I really like everyone’s gentleness with Brenda saying she texted ryan, and reassurance that there is no judgement here, be gentle with herself and we are here for her. The support everyone is offering feels safe. Especially among the nv’s.

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 9:02am

  665. 665: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    T-tapp info:

    http://www.t-tapp.com

    try the try-before-you buy section for free vidoes and articles of some of the exercises (some good ones in there like T-tapp twist – to slim the waist and RIBCAGE – yes spot slim and literraly make the ribcage smaller and tighter

    and the hoe downs… to drop blood sugar instantly after eating carbs/binging on food

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 9:16am

  666. 666: Lush_OasisNo Gravatar says:

    Good morning, Sirens! I feel so pretty on Siren Island today. Hope everyone is doing well.

    I have one general question [which is probably addressed somewhere, just feeling impatient to dredge it up].

    I know as a Siren, our goal is to ensure the LTR; the marriage; the domestic partner [or fill in the blank with your term of choice] … but in this destination, many of us are often asked why we don’t have a “boyfriend”.

    Right … so … what (if anything) are we supposed to do when the “boyfriend” introduces us / refers us to others as their “girlfriend”?

    I’m not opposed to the label, but feel bad for not having the same label to apply to him as my “boyfriend”. Should I allow him this label? Is it just a label that goes in either direction? Am I over-thinking this?

    Wow … too deep first thing in the morning. Ha!

    Hope that made sense — have a great day everyone.

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 9:20am

  667. 667: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    AFIIFM : Ask For It In Feeling Messages

    Its a team, possibly Me and … Ella?? are on it…?

    im FINALLY doing it consistently – it felt so scary and like im doing a formal courtesy at a modern day dance part (felt really …. uncomfortalbe to phrase it that way)

    it would feel so good to eat right now… waht do you think?

    instead of… “come on lets eat” or… “i wanna eat”

    wow! the difference it made in what i receive!!

    o

    my

    god

    what a huge difference!

    it feels scary and oh does it work to bring a gentle vibe and allow stuff i want in…

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 9:21am

  668. 668: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Lush – “i feel bad not for not having the same label”

    remember HE’s pursuing YOU!

    you dont have to give up your magical precious beautiful exclusivity until you have all the commitment you want

    of COURSE he’s gonna want to call you his gf…!

    now…

    why do you feel bad? that is the q…. perhaps you feel guilty…

    and under the guilt i rmemeer roir saying… is usually fear…
    fear that we’ve done “wrong” or “bad” and…

    we will get punished, or abandoned!

    that is the work here, loving yourself through the feelings that say

    YOU HAVE TO DO SOMETHING BACK

    YOu HAVE TO RECIPROCATE

    OR ELSE HE’ll THINK YOURE SELFISH — HELL JUDGE YOU — HE;LL GET HURT —

    AND THEN…. HE’LL LEAVE

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 9:24am

  669. 669: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    I think of my Cd’s as “one of my boyfriends”

    :)

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 9:25am

  670. 670: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Brenda, I think you could tell him the truth. That you would feel uneasy going for so long, and you just don’t think it’ll work for you today

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 9:26am

  671. 671: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    RE: my #512 – I don’t want to not talk about Ryan on the blog. Here is some more detail from last night with Ryan…

    As you know, I was going nuts last night, and I spilled my guts to him, because the feelings were so overwhelming…I texted:

    B: Being with Ryan = Heaven

    B: Not being with Ryan = Torture

    B: I don’t know what to do with my love for you. It is so powerful, I can’t contain it.

    R: I don’t know

    Pretty lame response, eh?

    So after I chickened out on ending our friendship, as I said last night, we spent about 2 hours together.

    One thing I have observed in the past: after I have taken the lead yet again, he will do things illogically left and right to test me, to see if I am going to challenge him or take the lead again.

    He was all over the place with the radio, even changing the station when his very favorite song came on (Your Body Is a Wonderland). A preacher was on a station. I went to change it. He asked me to leave it on. Not 60 seconds later, he changed the station. He flipped all around, and I said nothing.

    He wanted to go for a ride. Then he said to head for home. I said, “Oh, did I miss the exit?” He said, “No, that’s okay, I thought we were going to drive around a little more.” So basically, he had me like a marionette on a string, doing what he wanted, when he wanted to.

    I think he is trying to establish healthy relational patterns with him taking the lead. I let him. Because he’s got me like that. I was leaning back like a good Siren. I was “rewarded” by having our out-for-a-drink time extended by a drive.

    Bottom line? I don’t think he would make all that effort to show he is the one to take the lead if he had in mind only a casual friendship.

    Most of the time he was silent and we just listened to music. I let that happen, too, talking far less than usual.

    I feel so attached to him!

    Now I feel relaxed enough to lean back for a few days, if need be. I had my fix. I pulled out of depression far enough to get back to productive activities to better myself.

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 9:34am

  672. 672: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Starla,

    RE: #669 – Yeah, I left him a voicemail saying there is extensive walking. He has a knee injury, too, so I think it would be difficult for both of us.

    Still deciding if I want to cancel altogether, because that is my fear-of-intimacy pattern, to cancel just before a date. I am going to wait for him to respond to my voicemail and then decide from there. Maybe he will be cool with just going out for dinner or something simple.

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 9:37am

  673. 673: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Lush Oasis,

    RE: #665 – “Good morning, Sirens! I feel so pretty on Siren Island today. ”

    Awww, that felt good to read. You are pretty. :-)

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 9:38am

  674. 674: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Feeling mega tight in my chest worrying over unemployment. I got about half the money I was expecting. I don’t know what has happened. Calling them is virtually impossible. Either their line is continuously busy or I am on hold for an hour. Dreading calling. Fearing that there was some hold up on the money I was expecting for 2 months.

    And all that is leaving me with stuck energy. I don’t want to go out today. I like being around Hippie, but I don’t want to today. Is it fear? Fear of dating and intimacy and oh, no, what if he falls in love with me?

    Or is it just that I was out all day yesterday (from 10 am to 2 am, 16 hours!) and don’t feel like going out again today? Or is it that I have so much to do after falling back into depression the last week or so?

    I want to wrap up in a blanket and cuddle with my dogs. That is usually a sign that I feel insecure. No wonder with this financial thing. Feeling scared about finances. I hope everything is okay. I want to hide.

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 9:45am

  675. 675: Silver-Tongued SirenNo Gravatar says:

    So, I think my question is,

    When a man is not stepping up and giving you what you want (–an agreement that only WE are having sex with each other),

    I suppose it is still okay to “date” him, and let him come around if I want.

    But due to that we LIVE together, and he is suddenly taking “space”, and not giving me the commitment I want,…

    is it still ok to allow him the privilege of my presence?

    My confusion lies in the fact that I will only have sex with him if he commits to only having sex with ME. In my mind, we can still have a romantic relationship without sex, but, because he says things about “working on our friendship” “keeping baby and I in his life and being friends because we can’t work out that he wants to have sex with others” .. —I am confused if it is still a romantic relationship, then. he just wants to keep us in his life. the thing he is terrified most of is that I will put him out of my life forever (and baby’s), and that he will end up alone.

    I am willing to still stay in connection with him IF it is a romantic relationship. since his three week temporary space so far, he calls, texts, drops in, but hasn’t taken me anywhere other than to dinner once, and has tried a few times to have sex with me. and says i love you. so, he has interest in me, just currently not enough to have a committed relationship anymore.

    so… should I let him see me?

    or maybe insist on proper dating situation (make him take me out ON the WEEKENDS, for dates, (maybe even pay for a sitter?) and then after a while maybe he can drop in? (he’ll continue to do this to some degree anyway for clothes and business, but I don’t have to have lunch, for example, I can be more occupied.)

    do I respond to his texts and calls?
    Shall I make it clear I am not interested in him AT ALL unless he is interested in moving towards a marriage, a committed relationship?

    Or should I let him come around but give him much less importance, make him take me out on the weekends more, and let him be a frog in water, never suspecting he is about to get roped in again?
    (is that allowing him too much privilege of my presence without being serious? … ie letting him “keep me in his life” while he is hanging out with other women including the one he slept with, etc.)

    hmmmmm…searching for clarity still.

    he called me last night, and texted me.. I did not answer either…..

    I love his goodnight messages, but at the same time, I do not want him giving me goodnight messages, I want him home in bed with me.

    I feel if I am grateful for his message I will get more of what I like?

    Or should I not be grateful until he is home in bed?
    haha. I don’t know.. oh energy the great challenge of my universe. it feels so complex, but it must be simple…. oh i wish I could get away for a while..

    I am going to find a way to get away…. …sleep would be nice. Sleep is my way of meditating also since I can use my dreams. But, I need to catch up on sleep and health before I can get to that point. I am extra tired this week waking at 6 am for a 12 hour day with 3 babies and then an extra clingy one (not used to sharing mommy), after… i just need to relax relax relax… it would be so nice to go outside in the woods today, it is just gorgeous. But my car won’t fit three babies, and neither will my arms! lol. can’t wait for the wknd, but now Bio-Father-of-Baby will be here. I will try to put it to good use. ;)

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 9:46am

  676. 676: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    I feel nostalgic.

    I saw a picture of M, from back when we were close.

    I can’t believe how young he looks!

    I didn’t feel bad seeing his face, though.
    I felt happy.
    I felt closure.
    I felt memories and happy emotions from back then.

    I feel happy NOW.
    I feel so good about everything I’ve learned since then.
    I feel wiser, stronger, and sexier.

    Looking in the mirror, I look older than I did back then, too.

    But I feel more alive, more compassionate, and I feel so much stronger on the inside, while softer on the outside.

    I didn’t really know how to allow myself to feel back then.

    I do now.

    I feel everything.

    I accept my past, I feel so much now, and I smile at the future.

    Because all of it, the pain, the confusion, the joy, the pleasure, the healing, the fear, the anger, and the courage… is mine.

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 9:49am

  677. 677: CurvySiren10No Gravatar says:

    Laughing Goddess,

    I just want to get on here and briefly say that I LOVED that Tony Robbins video link you posted about weight loss. I learned some very valuable things that I hope will help me with my own journey. Something I’m struggling greatly with right now, on many different levels.

    Thank you again. More later.

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 9:56am

  678. 678: GoodheartNo Gravatar says:

    I have a problem expressing anger. I always have.

    I want to heal this.

    I’m getting better at it. Much.

    Just say how I’m feeling, calmly. Breathe. Say it.

    Now I just want to know how to let it go & not hold onto it.

    How do I do this? Like when I express my feelings & even get an apology, I still feel annoyed or angry & then don’t feel like really interacting & so I don’t for awhile. It happened last night. Only lasted about 15 minutes, which is better, but I’d like to be able to state my feelings & then graciously accept an apology & be able to interact normally.

    Why do I struggle with this?

    Would love any insights, suggestions. I have healed so many things & I know this is another tidbit that would make my relationships so much easier & flow-y.

    Thank you.

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 9:58am

  679. 679: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Iamabutterfly,

    RE: #675 – Wow, that is the mantra of the Siren! You could print that out and frame it, to read whenever you need inspiration! Yay for Iamabutterfly!!

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 9:59am

  680. 680: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    @678 Thanks, Brenda! :)

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 10:01am

  681. 681: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    CurvySiren 676

    I feel so happy to hear that the video was helpful for you! :-)

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 10:05am

  682. 682: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Goodheart: 677

    I just got a newsletter from Rori today about that very topic. I think FW reposted it above.

    I go look and find the exact post number

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 10:07am

  683. 683: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Byron Katie is doing a live, free webcast at the very moment. I am listening to it right now at

    https://www.facebook.com/theworkofbyronkatie?sk=app_284601798222422

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 10:08am

  684. 684: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Goodheart: that newsletter is posted at #576

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 10:11am

  685. 685: LolitaNo Gravatar says:

    This blog feels so supportive today. Thank you sister Sirens.

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 10:13am

  686. 686: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Wanting to remind everyone about Rori’s upcoming teleclass. I took this a year ago and found it to be incredibly helpful. I highly recommend it. Well worth the money. Also, recordings of the calls are included so that you can go back and review the information.

    If you’d like help with knowing the difference – and knowing exactly HOW to talk to a man from your true vulnerable self in a way that makes you feel confident and strong – you’ll want to take a look at my “Find Love, Reconnect Love and Keep Love Forever 4-week teleclass coming up on Mondays starting January 30th at 5:30 PST/8:30 EST.

    Learn how I can help you change your love life in 4 weeks right here:

    http://www.coachrori.com/how-to-find-love-and-keep-it-forever/

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 10:14am

  687. 687: turquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Daria…

    It would feel so good to have sex right now. Does sound a lot better than, damn I’m horny :) Thanks for that! I’m going to be much more aware of my phrasing, see what happens!

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 10:15am

  688. 688: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Goodheart:

    “Only lasted about 15 minutes, which is better, but I’d like to be able to state my feelings & then graciously accept an apology & be able to interact normally.”

    I experienced something similar last night. Once my feelings have been hurt, I have a really hard time opening my heart back up.

    And I am realizing that opening my heart is key. I have been literally unzipping my heart and putting my hand on it and talking to it.

    I notice that my body feels so tense when my heart is closed and I feel like death.

    I am noticing that opening my heart allows life force to throw through me.

    Does any of that resonate with you?

    Btw, I absolutely love your name!

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 10:18am

  689. 689: turquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Brenda,

    “I think he is trying to establish healthy relational patterns with him taking the lead. I let him. Because he’s got me like that. I was leaning back like a good Siren. I was “rewarded” by having our out-for-a-drink time extended by a drive.

    Bottom line? I don’t think he would make all that effort to show he is the one to take the lead if he had in mind only a casual friendship.”

    I feel worried as this sounds to me like being too much in his head. Does he have a lot of relationship experience? Has he ever been married, had a long term serious relationship? Have you considered that he may not have a plan or an agenda, that he’s just feeling things out for the sake of having the opportunity, or just being a man who doesn’t want to be controlled?

    I worry about you overthinking and putting too much emphasis on what you THINK he’s doing or why, than on any actions or words that lead you to FEEL he wants more than friendship.

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 10:30am

  690. 690: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    In regards to Ryan, there is what Brenda says and what Brenda does. And the reason for that is my emotions are so powerful that they rule out my logic.

    I love my powerful emotions! And I own it: I’m high strung and intense! Hugs to Brenda! Love to Brenda!

    Intense, high strung woman full of love desires love that is out of this world.

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 10:30am

  691. 691: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    my heart is pounding i feel anxious anxious like i was caught with my hand in the cookie jar

    gave a reference for my friend on her job search.

    i didn’t lie about anything or jazz her up, but i feel like i must sound like a dumb kid who could never be a boss or taken seriously.

    i hope i didn’t hurt her chances.

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 10:31am

  692. 692: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Turquoise,

    RE: #688 – Thank you. This is the area where I was feeling drained by spending a lot of energy and time trying to explain on the blog WHY I feel sure his intention is more than friendship.

    So rather than go on and on, I will just say…

    We’ll see.

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 10:32am

  693. 693: lkNo Gravatar says:

    i’m taking the night to myself tonight. going to visit my family & go shopping & paint my toenails & go get a mini-massage : )

    lk is tired… i feel drained & heavy. i can’t wait to have a night all alone to release myself…

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 10:33am

  694. 694: MochaberriNo Gravatar says:

    Need some feedback on this feeling message:

    I feel honored that you are concerned about my well-being and I appreciate it. I do not want to argue with you anymore about what has brought us to this place. It makes me feel awful, confused and frustrated; and no resolution has come out of it. It creates distance and disconnect. I miss what we had and being friends right now won’t work for me because of the feelings that I have for you.

    What do you think?

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 10:33am

  695. 695: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    Turquoise,

    I will just add that there are many, many things going on between us that are difficult to describe on the blog. So much of communication is conveyed in facial expressions, body language, tone of voice.

    About my date with Hippie, I decided to keep it. Just going to go with the flow and enjoy myself. Just going an hour later, which means 2 hours in line instead of 3, and probably not-as-good seats.

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 10:35am

  696. 696: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Just a reminder to all Sirens not to treat a man or your relationship, imaginary or not, like it’s crack rock that you’re addicted to.

    This coming from Starla, whose main CD is nicknamed Crack Fix, lol

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 10:36am

  697. 697: turquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Brenda,

    Has he ever had a long term relationship?

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 10:36am

  698. 698: turquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Brenda, sorry to hear about the finances. Did you say you have an interview coming up? I hope it works out for you…. will feel good I’m sure to get caught up on bills and feel safe. (That is how I felt when I started back to work)

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 10:39am

  699. 699: MochaberriNo Gravatar says:

    KR called me and it felt wonderful that he made several attempts to contact me. He told me he misses me and wanted to see me intimately last night but knew that it wasn’t something I wanted (we had the no FWB conversation) and it was not a total fulfillment of his desires – nor mine – so he didn’t call also we both want to be in a relationship but the issue is that he is afraid to put his heart out there again feeling that I may take advantage of him again.

    This has been the same argument over and over for a year.

    I want to move on and give him an ultimatium

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 10:39am

  700. 700: sensualNo Gravatar says:

    Hello Sirens, date with newmanpotentialCD went wonderfully last night!…i’m going to have to think up a new name for him soon as I have a feeling he won’t be my “new man” for much longer ;)

    As Starla said i’m believing these tools really do work, i’m not doing a thing other than leaning back and using feeling messages..it’s felt especially easy with him since I’ve used them from our very first interaction. There are other men in my life that i’m now using the tools on but we have history embedded between us of when I wasn’t quite such a siren…so it’s not feeling quite as easy but i’m still feeling positive about the gradual turning things around with each.

    newmanpotentialCD last night was talking so much about the future and expressing concern that I have other men in my life and that “you never know you might actually like me and choose me over your 100 other men!” ;) I’ve been focusing on slowing things down with him too – he’s desperately trying to get me to his house which i keep declining and i was joking with him about that last night.. i said maybe i’ll stay over and cuddle at the weekend. When he was eating his icecream so quickly i said with a smile “slow down- mr always trying to rush things..icecream, relationships..haha” he laughed. We had the worlds longest ever passionate goodnight kiss too.

    CD’ing works as today i feel so much lighter about scorpionCD…my heavy thoughts have dissipated!

    I feel scared about the subject of exclusivity though, since I can feel how CDing works, but this is a guy who recently had a 5 year girlfriend and before that a 3 year one. He said he won’t do that again though, he’s 40 and wants to settle down and have a family soon and says there’s no way he’ll wait 5 years again, you have to take a risk sometimes…. he expressed concerns that I may not be ready to settle down… he clearly wants this, and he is a great guy…it just feels scary for me because I don’t feel ready to close the door on FWB and ScorpionCD yet…and btw scorpionCD and newman very likely know each other to that too feels scary. But everything with newman feels good and flowing freely in the right direction :)

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 10:39am

  701. 701: Silver-Tongued SirenNo Gravatar says:

    also, do I even want to have a romantic relationship if he’s hanging out with people who make me uncomfortable.

    i don’t want this one person in my life at ALL – I want him to stop talking to her PERIOD, even if she is at an event we’re at, I want him to tell her he has to end his friendship with her –

    to make me feel safe, secure, and that he loves me more than anything in this green earth other than God. :)

    …I guess I feel afraid that this would end our connection as it would be focusing my energy all on what I *don’t want* (getting me more of it, and keeping me from a relationship with him…. ie my fears about this person i don’t want around us, keeping me from my relationship with him, when that’s exactly what I’m afraid of – that it is a threat to my relationship with him! I don’t like that he would give his time and energy and anything else to any woman – I intend to be the most important person in his life and our relationship to be put first above anything else – as in we make decisions that are good for our relationship – if we disagree, we do what is good for our relationship.

    ………..as i write this, he calls me. (same thing happened last night. when I am thinking of him most either he feels it or he is thinking of me and *I’m* feeling it.)

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 10:45am

  702. 702: turquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you Starla….. that makes complete sense to me and I will apply it! :)

    Brenda, glad you kept the date!

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 10:49am

  703. 703: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    No Mochaberry. No ultimatum. Let him keep flying around until he collapses on himself.

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 10:50am

  704. 704: sunshineNo Gravatar says:

    quick question if we cant whine judge complain coax convince etc., what do we say when we give a feeling message and he then asks why? example: I feel really angry, he says why? I havent heard from you….is that still whining/complaining? I feel confused…I also feel ackward for some reason…anyway let me know

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 10:52am

  705. 705: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Ooooh I feel frustrated today, and a national organization just assigned me 8 women to mentor. EIGHT. they didn’t even ask me first. Just sent them an email “meet Starla! she’ll be mentoring you!”

    no one even asked me! I can’t mentor 8 individual projects. they’re nuts. i volunteered to mentor 1 or 2. wtffffff

    Like in relationships, i tend to think all or nothing, defeat or victory…no middle ground. i’m going to use middle ground here:

    going to offer my leadership by sending opportunities their way and being available to answer questions, but i won’t be hand holding them. most of these girls flake out anyway, so if they need something more 1-on-1, they can find a them a mentor who doesn’t have 9 other “little sisters” in the program.

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 10:52am

  706. 706: Lush_OasisNo Gravatar says:

    @Brenda
    @Daria

    Aww — thanks Sirens! I feel heard and appreciated with my recent post #665.

    Daria, I feel pleased with your answer that all of your CDs can be a “boyfriend”. Reading that, seemed to help me feel less pressure.

    Thanks, ladies!

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 10:54am

  707. 707: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Mochaberry, I think I would phrase it this way:-

    I feel honored that you are concerned about my well-being and I appreciate it. I do not want to argue with you anymore. It makes me feel awful, confused and frustrated. I miss what we had and being friends right now won’t work for me. I have to honor my feelings.

    What do you think?

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 10:54am

  708. 708: CamilleNo Gravatar says:

    Having fun chatting with men on POF……….just noticed I find myself thinking………(I wish Troy would say that to me today)

    Why does it matter who says I need to recieve it and let it feel good no matter who says it.

    I wonder why Im doing that? Hes not here! Hes not saying it…….He has said it in the past but it doesnt matter get in the now Camille. Whos saying sweet things to you “Strangers on POF” not “Troy”

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 10:56am

  709. 709: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    703 Sunshine
    “I feel crummy when i don’t hear from a man for a while. i feel disconnected and bad, and i don’t want to feel that way with you. is there something i should know?”

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 10:56am

  710. 710: lkNo Gravatar says:

    i feel really blessed after last night with CD… we basically “fought” all night…. or, rather, we passionately discussed negative emotions… lol….. but it was really romantic & loving…. we discussed Living Together & Commitment… Exes….

    i’ve been focusing myself on jealousy this month & last night i did tell him about his last girlfriend who he dated & lived with for 6 years, “well, i don’t want to feel this way…. these feelings are here to keep me safe, but i want to be happy, so i need to release this emotion which means that i’m trusting you to protect me & to keep me safe” & that felt nice to say

    & also, i told him sometimes i felt scared, like i couldn’t be there because he had a Wife & i asked, “on your shrine, is there already someone next to you ? ” & he said if he has a spiritual wife, he thinks it may be me… because of the dreams he had….

    & he said the L word again but i can’t quite say it out loud, though i whisper it into his skin sometimes….

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 10:56am

  711. 711: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Sunshine guys tend to ask why because they want to pick your logic apart. When they ask me why about my feelings I just tell them that is just the way I feel right now. “When there is no contact I feel turned off and I don’t want to feel that way with you. I need contact to feel connected” or something similar.

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 10:59am

  712. 712: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Turquoise: Hi!

    I was thinking about something you said recently and I wanted to discuss it with you.

    If I understood correctly, you said that the only thing that hasn’t come true from your vision board is that you haven’t met your dream man with the Australian accent.

    And I know that you are also interested in reconnecting with your ex.

    I feel a little concerned that this might be sending mixed messages out the the universe which makes it challenging for either dream to manifest.

    What do you think/feel about that?

    Love you!

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 11:00am

  713. 713: CamilleNo Gravatar says:

    Sunshine,
    You can state how you feel and why without being blamely. Try to remember to take “you” out of it or point the finger at him. Just keep stating how you feel

    ie) I feel angry…(why)…….I feel disconnected when we havent been in contact….and I dont want that in our relationship.

    things like that instead of ,,,,,because you didnt call.. can you see how thats blaming him?

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 11:00am

  714. 714: maliNo Gravatar says:

    @675: Iamabutterfly

    Wow. This feels so powerful!

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 11:01am

  715. 715: lkNo Gravatar says:

    i imagined ways i could feel good moving in… & i imagined us doing a midnight flower-burning ceremony LOL just the 2 of us…. yum..

    & i said, if you have made a vow, can you un-make it?

    & he said no

    so i said, oh, then i guess you just have to make ALL vows

    LOL tripped me out like the texture of morel mushrooms

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 11:05am

  716. 716: lilybellyNo Gravatar says:

    Because I know that Dominique has okay’d the sharing of her articles and because of the topic…

    http://sexandheart.com/the-pain-of-a-breakup

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 11:07am

  717. 717: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    FW 710

    “guys tend to ask why because they want to pick your logic apart.”

    So true, in my experience.

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 11:08am

  718. 718: lilybellyNo Gravatar says:

    Camille~

    Thinking about you alot…

    You are so brave..

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 11:09am

  719. 719: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Goodheart what I understand to a certain extent we are afraid of our own anger because we are afraid that we might hurt someone. I can’t remember right now how the cycle goes but I believe after anger we tend to go to guilt.

    I also understand that when angry our hearts are shut down so we can’t melt. What you want to try is to simply state I feel angry. Maybe going somewhere else and stomping the ground punching pillows or just shaking yourself up might help get the energy moving around. Someone recommended just turning to your partner and stating the feeling message and just sit there looking at each other for a while without saying anything to get your bio-systems synchronized so that you can still experience each other as friends.

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 11:10am

  720. 720: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Camile and Sunshine 712

    Great suggestion for how to say it in a non-blaming way!

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 11:23am

  721. 721: BrendaNo Gravatar says:

    T,

    RE: #696-7 – No, few relationships at all for Ryan.

    Yes, interview tomorrow – a 4 hr one for a perm job!

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 11:23am

  722. 722: turquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    OMG…. LG you are right. When I made that board last year, he was engaged.

    I’m putting both choices out to the universe now, like if I can’t have one, I want the other….

    Thank you for pointing this out to me. I need to get clear on what I want. I don’t admit to my family or friends that I definitely want my ex back, just that I’d be open to it. I feel sort of embarrassed, even though most of them think he wants me back and that is why he did the house thing.

    I need a clear vision! Thank you LG! Love you too! :)

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 11:25am

  723. 723: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Turquoise: One thing I’ve been doing in regard to manifestation is saying “I want this or something even better”.

    That way I am clear in my vision and but not attached to one particular outcome and open to an even better alternative. :-)

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 11:32am

  724. 724: SondraNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you Sirens for all the advice. I am just learning how to receive the attentions of a man and just let him take care of me. he is obviously a giver – he has expressed that it is how he finds pleasure – in giving to a woman who appreictaes the things he does. I told him I am not used to being taken care of, but I really do appreciate everything he is doing to try to make me happy. I think I will just relax and continue to express my surprise and joy. For Valentines, I’ll make him a card that expresses how he makes me feel . . . that will give me an outlet for my feelings and a reason to practice them.

    Thanks!

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 11:33am

  725. 725: MochaberriNo Gravatar says:

    FW – thank you!!!

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 11:35am

  726. 726: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Starla 704

    Sounds like you came up with a win/win solution.

    Thanks for your support last night. The pond has cleared and I feel much better.

    I do feel clear from our conversation that he is needing to experience the clarity of my love a little more. I have been preoccupied and distracted with my own things lately. I actually feel really excited about being more open and loving to him. I love to express my love in different ways and he does so much for me, I don’t feel any risk in over-functioning or anything. Feeling good about this.

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 11:37am

  727. 727: maliNo Gravatar says:

    @Brenda: Thankyou for your support with HandSpanking CD (LOVE the name ;))

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 11:38am

  728. 728: turquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Oh I love that LG!!!! :)

    @}— a rose for you!

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 11:38am

  729. 729: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Turquoise: Maybe it would be helpful to get clear on how you want to feel in your next relationship and what kind of experiences you want to have with him?

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 11:40am

  730. 730: turquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    @};- @};- @};- @};- @};- @};- @};- @};- @};-

    For the sirens! Thank you for all the support!

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 11:41am

  731. 731: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Awww, what a pretty rose! I’ve never seen that before. Thanks, Turquoise!

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 11:41am

  732. 732: DominiqueNo Gravatar says:

    Mochaberri -

    “I feel appreciative for your concern about my well-being. I simply don’t want to argue with you anymore about this. It makes me feel awful, confused, and frustrated. And it makes me feels disconnected from you. I don’t want to feel this way with you. I miss you, yet being just friends right now doesn’t feel good. I still feel attached.”

    xxoo

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 11:46am

  733. 733: GoodheartNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you FW. I actually started doing yoga to help move the energy around. And you are right about the guilt. I always feel guilty after I get angry – like I should just handle it better.

    And that’s what I’m learning. Slowly. To just express it easier.

    And then let it go. Softly. Easily.

    And back to to the lovely siren-y feelings.

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 11:48am

  734. 734: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @533: Laughing Goddess

    Thanks, LG, for posting link for all of us.

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 11:54am

  735. 735: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    SLV: My pleasure! :-)

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 11:55am

  736. 736: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    Does anybody please have the email address for Rori’s assistant Melissa?

    Thank you

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 11:58am

  737. 737: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @549: Silver Moonbeam says:
    “…I did buy an Atkins recipe book at a charity shop yesterday, RRP £14.99 and I got it for £1.99…”

    You are so good at getting book deals!

    I got some good Suzanne Somers books on eBay and paid full price for the rest. You have now inspired me to spend some time tonight catching up on last SS book I bought a year ago!!! Yikes! I got involved in other reading since then.

    The last year did spin around fast but that is an encouragement too for 2012… “A whole lot can happen in a year…”

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 12:04pm

  738. 738: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @550: Turquoise says:
    “… I hate seeing my BMI …”

    Me too but mostly for health reasons. I got one of those digital BMI/weight scales and I don’t like it. I wished I’d just bought a little cheapie analog one instead.

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 12:07pm

  739. 739: Silver MoonbeamNo Gravatar says:

    Thinking about Brenda and Ryan……mmmm rambling musings (sorry for talking about you in the 3rd person Brenda).

    Re the situation, well of course I only know what Brenda has said about Ryan unless he decides to post here. :)

    OK here’s one for the wiser Sirens and one I can’t get my head around.

    How different are men and women when it comes to friendship vs romance?

    A few years ago I met up with a very nice man that went to my school, we “met” up on the Friends Reunited website, he was a really nice man and very gentlemanly and whoa was he into me? BUT I was not interested in him in that way in the slightest little teeny eeny bit and after a few meets for coffee/lunches/drinks I kinda “dropped” him as I didn’t like the vibes he was putting out there, I didn’t want “dates” with him though I would have quite liked him as a male friend to chat to on a casual basis.

    Sorry for the rambling here, but how come Ryan doesn’t feel the same way about Brenda as I did about wotsie? Oh yeah his name was/is Dave :) You see what I am saying?

    Why doesn’t Ryan think well I like Brenda as a friend, but as she wants so much more from me then I will have to “drop” her???

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 12:10pm

  740. 740: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @552: Butterfly Wings says:
    “…Basically she promotes eating foods as close to their natural state as possible…”

    That’s it! Yesterday I heard someone on Dr. Oz say “eat more from the farm than from the factory.”

    Suzanne Somers puts it another way I like too: “When you go to the supermarket, do most of your shopping around the perimeter instead of in the aisles.” The perimeters are usually the fresh produce, dairy and meat sections.

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 12:14pm

  741. 741: Silver-Tongued SirenNo Gravatar says:

    So he called…

    He called last night, left a message, telling me he had dinner with the girls from work (ones I am friends with but not really close at all, the younger ones, who started working there more recently), and that he was calling to say goodnight, etc. I love you.
    Then sent a text message saying “Pleasant dreams, sweet Silver” …

    I didn’t know what to do and don’t feel interested in answering him due to not feeling is commitment and him being away. however, feeling grateful for the love – as he knows when he is not home i love goodnight/goodmornings. But I didn’t respond.

    When he called just now I didn’t want to appear to be outright ignoring his calls, as it’s probably better to share feeling messages, not create a wall. Right?

    I answered. He was driving to work.
    He asked “How are you?”
    “Good. …… Tired. A little tired.”
    “From taking care of the babies?”
    “yeah, haven’t been getting enough sleep and they are a little sick so our baby and I are catching it a little, trying to stay well”.
    etc..

    Then he said he just appreciated my respecting his space and giving him space.. (I havent been calling or texting or initiating ANYthing except for a bit of business in the beginning – now I wait until he contacts ME – then I share important things). (I don’t ask what he did, who he’s with, I just don’t ask anything. If I don’t like it, I don’t have to say anything, I can just give him less importance/attention.) He definitely notices the lack of immediate response, or NO response. I am probably the most positive person he knows, which he appreciates immensely about me, so I am not easily discouraged. So NO response is quite surprising to him, I’m sure.

    I said ohh I appreciate the appreciation. Thank you.

    He said yes..I said I loved hearing your goodnight call last night. I felt loved.

    I don’t remember his exact response, but he liked the appreciation, and then made several comments fishing for information about why I don’t call/text/respond.
    “I don’t know if it’s hard for you not to call me….maybe it’s easy for you, I don’t know”.. I didn’t respond. Then he asked “Were you already asleep??”

    (I said I don’t know what I was doing…. probably taking care of the baby.. maybe I should have said I was just uncomfortable – but I don’t have a feeling message worked out for why I didn’t answer his calls. I didn’t want to say I feel uncomfortable because I DO want him to call. I want to appreciate when he DOES do things I like. Not scare him off from it by making him feel it was not appreciated).

    So, I started appreciative and receiving.
    he asked how the baby is, and what baby is doing.
    he just talked about work, meeting about a party (i haven’t been invited to by the “friend” whose party it is, but I’m sure she invited the “friend” who had sex with my partner since she hangs out with her all the time- even though it’s because she uses her to get information about her children’s father..confusing. I appreciate my other friends who stand up for me, more than this one)..

    he said he sent me an email with info helpful to completing the taxes…. etc miscellaneous talk.. asking how it’s working with watching 3 babies, etc.

    I wanted to go but didn’t know how to get off the phone.. “feeling sleepy” always works, but “feeling hungry” or other such doesn’t seem to often work with many people. (more ideas?)

    So, I said.. “i’m feeling sad.. I am going to go drink some tea”…

    he was quick to ask why I felt sad???

    I had trouble at first, but said (this may not be exact)
    “I feel *uninterested*..in talking when I do not feel I am more important than other things.. I want to feel I am the most important person and our relationship is more important than anything else.”

    he said well whenever you say you want to be the most important person, I think I will probably always be the most important person, to ME. and I don’t think you have the strength/ability to do this.. (accept his not being faithful to me) –
    “do what?” I said.
    “to accept me for me” (to not be ONLY with me)……

    I said..yes.. that does not make me feel good. I want to feel loved and important. (I was feeling no resentment or anger at all, just that I want to feel good and that is ok! YAY, progress!)

    he began explaining that I am loved and I am important…. that it is because i have a fixed idea of what that should look like… that I should focus on what makes me feel loved and important – for example, I am still in this house, our house (he owns it), and if he did not love me, i would not still be here. I said, yes, that’s true. He said, you ARE important to me. It makes you feel important when I call. etc..telling me how I am loved and important.

    (but I want his calls AND I want him home!!!!)

    I said, yes, that’s all true, but I want to feel loved and important in a different way. I want to feel more important than *anything else*, and our relationship to be more important than anything else. -keeping as light of a tone as possible.

    I started to feel a bit tense and noted to keep it from going there.

    at some point he said Oh i just want to come there and give you a big squeeze….

    and then he said he wanted to give me a big squeeze and kiss my beautiful lips…
    I lit up and said “I LOVE when you kiss my lips” (I almost said I love when you kiss my beautiful lips – I should have. They are beautiful! :D … “I LOVE our kisses!”…

    He said “I do too. There are so many things we do so well together.” (he also often says how we “fit” so well together physically). Then he said “this space is really letting me see the things I appreciate for you, this space is giving me gratitude..I knew it would”…

    I didn’t know what to say, so I agreed with him. I said, “yes, I think this is good, I agree with you. I think this is a good thing.” (him not being home)

    Then I think I said, I don’t mean to turn this into a big discussion or anything, I just felt sad.

    he said “Ohh honeyyy (he never calls me honey) I know, —I don’t remember what he said, but I DO remember how it FELT –

    staying calm and light the entire conversation, sticking to my boundaries, and “giving him his space”, has allowed him to feel good. When I re-iterated my wanting to “feel more important than anything else”, he introduced how he is feeling appreciation and gratitude for me, with not being here all of the time…….. which is at least good in the way that he did NOT argue/convince me further, he instead turned around and told me how appreciated I am.

    Then when I was feeling tense about all the relationship talk, we had gotten through quite a bit and I turned it back to feeling message (I could have said I felt tense, but I said I didn’t mean to start a big discussion, I just felt sad..)..I WISH I had said I felt tense, …because I DO like that we had a discussion with him inquiring about how I felt and why.

    and then he ended with Ohhh honey, whatever he said made me feel good. then we talked a bit about babies, work, for a quick minute and he got off the phone because his client arrived.

    Sighhhhh. Ok. Got through that.

    Relief!!!!

    that went well.
    Reminding myself

    Listen to his actions, not his words

    Feeling messages Feeling messages

    stay calm, project voice from the heart,(no wispyness), and use a good tone of voice-
    the most important part of what you say is your TONE of VOICE.

    I got the tone of voice memo from three places!! Sirens! So I realize it is important. Man-I-Live-With has told me this several times. Then I heard it from Rori (doggie treat voice!), and then from Rachel Jayne Groover.

    Wow, this really feels good to not worry about what he’s doing. If he doesn’t make me feel good I don’t worry about him anymore.

    I know this, but I am so up and down, this is not easy!!

    I am inspired to do a lot around the house today esp since I am trying to rent out our kids room temporarily while the kids aren’t using it. …but I am feeling sicker than yesterday, ugh I wish the babies weren’t sick. I have literally been sick for the last month up until this week!!!!! And baby too! now my friend brings her babies for me to watch and they are sick…gahhh!

    I need some vitamin C!!!!

    I have been practicing asking for things – as I NEVER ask for things – so I have been using fb as a safe space to ask for things, using feeling messages. I wish I could ask for vitamins on fb and have someone bring it to me, but I don’t exactly feel that presentable right now so I feel uncomfortable saying I need something and a man or someone bringing it to me when I don’t feel presentable. hmmmm. I should think about that more..

    I need to go make more hot tea. I wish these kids would go to sleep so I could get a nap… The lining up of all three is doubtful.. maybe if I share feeling messages with these babies… lol ;)

    xoxoxoxo everyone!

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 12:18pm

  742. 742: MochaberriNo Gravatar says:

    @FW – how can I or is it be necessary to add that I don’t think we should contact one another for a while – or leave it alone

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 12:26pm

  743. 743: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    I was really tempted this afternoon (still am tempted) to text CF to tell him that I don’t want him to wait until I’m expressing interest in seeing him spontaneously to request a spontaneous visit. That he could always just call and come by any time, as long as I’m not already busy, especially with him moving so far away. I’m not going to want to lean forward and ask him to drive an hour to see me.

    And then I stopped myself. This is me overfunctioning. I’m going to let him lead. I can tell him through feeling messages some other, more relevant time, that i would feel happy if he did this.

    I think the most valuable thing I can do for our budding relationship is to lean back show him i TRUST HIM to lead.

    mm yummy man

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 12:29pm

  744. 744: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    I think coffee and chocolate energize me too, sometimes… I also feel very happy this morning I bought the red raspberry jam made by those nice people in France… Yum!
    :D

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 12:34pm

  745. 745: MochaberriNo Gravatar says:

    @ 731 = thank you! I didn’t say everything that you and FW told me – I forgot to print out the script

    I did paraphrase and I ended with take care of yourself – he seemed very shocked by my saying that

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 12:35pm

  746. 746: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @628: Mel

    Fun!

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 12:36pm

  747. 747: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @632: Silver Moonbeam says:
    “Sorry ladies, my last post has gone into moderation and will put your reply numbers out of whack. ..”

    Did you say something naughty? LOL
    :oops:

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 12:40pm

  748. 748: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    738 Silver Moonbeam

    There is a post from Rori about that issue. I feel curious to hear your thoughts/feelings about what she says.
    *******

    Men are really easy – they actually say exactly the truth, but most of us women make it so hard on ourselves by trying to “interpret” what a man says on a “deeper level.” And most of the time, there ISN’T a DEEPER LEVEL. Most of the time it’s pretty superficial.

    “I like you” can mean “I like you like I like my friends, and my dog, and my dad, and my aunt, and all those girls on TV and at church.” Even “I love you,” can mean “I love you like I love my mom and my best friend, and every girl I’ve ever dated – because I ‘care’ about you, and you’re a “nice” person who – well, why wouldn’t I love you?”

    If he says “I’m IN love with you,” there’s a much higher chance he means the real deal, but it’s still only WORDS. Sometimes we get sucked in by a man’s words because on some level – we WANT to. We want to believe he means what we want to believe he means. And then we feel foolish when it turns out he never really meant what we thought he meant.

    We think we have to do that, because, let’s face it, we women are SO much better at emotions and at “reading” people than men are. And we’re so much more compassionate and understanding about psychology that we instinctively look for DEEPER meanings. But a lot of the time, we make assumptions about what a man means because of our own low self-esteem.

    ******

    And here we come to the key point in this eLetter: A MAN DOESN’T WANT TO LOSE A GOOD WOMAN FROM HIS LIFE. He may not be in love with her, but he doesn’t want to lose her. That’s why after a break-up men will text you, call you, come around, leave you all kinds of confusing and provocative messages – because he doesn’t want to lose you from his life. He doesn’t want to do what he has to do to KEEP a good woman – which is to MARRY HER, but he doesn’t want to lose her.

    So he tries to split the difference. He does as much as he has to do to not lose you, without going over the edge and having to do what he has to do in order to keep you. And that, in a nutshell, is why a man is so confusing when he tries to stay in touch with us, even when the “relationship” doesn’t seem to be happening at all. He’s not trying to get back together with us. He’s just trying to not lose us from his life. UNTIL he meets a woman he feels compelled to KEEP by MARRYING HER.

    And if that’s ever happened to you – where a man tries not to lose you, and then, the next minute he’s engaged to someone else, then you know how totally mystifying and humiliating it feels. (I don’t know a single woman to whom that hasn’t happened, so if it’s happened to you, you’ve done that one for the rest of your life and you don’t ever have to experience it again.)

    Now YOU can be the one he feels compelled to KEEP. Really. If it happened for me, it can happen for you.

    The third thing that’s working against Confused is the “hanging on and hanging in” part. See how she’s thinking that the feelings they have for each other, and the fellowship of having children who are friends, and the fun they had actually MEANS something in the long run? And it doesn’t.

    Men can have all kinds of feelings. And they understand practically NONE of them. And so WE try to figure them out FOR THEM. Only we interpret a man’s feelings the way we would if he were a woman – and men are COMPLETELY DIFFERENT. And sometimes – Confused, this is tough love, so I understand if you don’t want to read further, but I truly want to be the friend you need right now, the one who tells you the truth instead of just what you want to hear.

    Most of your friends will tell you the man has subconscious problems or that he’s clueless. I want to tell you something else. Anytime you try to read into a man’s heart, you’ll lose. Anytime you try to “understand” the pain of his divorce, or the pressure of his job, or the drag of his ex-wife, or the importance of time spent with his children, you will most likely be shooting yourself in the foot. Anytime you try to figure out his feelings for you means something is not right. Anytime you try to guess what’s going on you will probably be wrong.

    All you can count on is what’s right in front of you. If he’s there, with you, then he wants to be with you. If he SAYS he wants to be with you, but, still, he ISN’T, then he doesn’t want to be with you, no matter what he says.

    ***

    So here’s how you can TURN ALL THIS AROUND: THE FASTEST, SUREST WAY TO ANY MAN’S HEART IS TO IGNORE HIM. And by “ignore” him, I mean take your FOCUS OFF of him.

    And the fastest way to truly ignore him rather than just PRETEND to ignore him (because that will not work – it has to be REAL) is to have the biggest, fullest, most amazing, unpredictable, fun, thrilling, sexy life you can imagine, with so many men around you that you feel your choices are infinite, and to LEAVE HIM OUT OF IT!

    http://www.loveromancerelationship.com/turn-your-imaginary-relationship-real/

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 12:48pm

  749. 749: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Starla:

    “I think the most valuable thing I can do for our budding relationship is to lean back show him i TRUST HIM to lead.”

    Like!

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 12:51pm

  750. 750: Senior Lady VibeNo Gravatar says:

    @735: Silver Moonbeam

    melanie@coachrori.com

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 12:55pm

  751. 751: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    748 Lg
    but omggggggg it is so scary and everything in me, deep in my bones, is trying to shake me off of leaning back and letting him lead

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 1:04pm

  752. 752: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    wow i feel super uneasy at the idea of never ever leading or getting attached to outcomes

    holy. chit. mang.

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 1:05pm

  753. 753: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Starla:

    I know it feels scary and I trust that you can do it. :-)

    Would it help to focus on something (other than him) that you feel deeply moved and inspired by?

    If you absolutely must lean forward, maybe sharing a ‘passion story’ or expressing your appreciation of him and a time that he was spontaneous. How do you feel about doing that?

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 1:09pm

  754. 754: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    My ponderings on the idea of getting attached to outcomes.

    I think we can only get attached to outcomes that we can control and the only thing we can control is ourselves.

    So, I am attached to the outcome that I always be there for myself and that I will continue to grow and expanding and love myself, etc. etc.

    Curious to hear other siren’s take on this

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 1:16pm

  755. 755: Silver-Tongued SirenNo Gravatar says:

    Starla -708-
    ““I feel crummy when i don’t hear from a man for a while. i feel disconnected and bad, and i don’t want to feel that way with you. is there something i should know?””

    I like that ..instead of what do you think, is there something I should know?

    ——
    I may ask Bio-Father-of-Baby about this, as I really don’t like going all week (or two weeks!) without communication.

    Since he left, he has contacted me by text about

    a lost item

    then *I* (oops leaning fwd) let him know that I was bleeding as I was a bit late, and also asked if he would send $ for diapers. (i should have waited for him to contact me..if it was important to him he would’ve.)

    he sent $ and let me know it might take a few days

    he contacted me to let me know he is coming to visit this weekend… (“does this mean you’re asking to come see me? – “no it means I’m storming the castle”)..

    and the next day messaged me commenting about my status on fb.

    but none of these times did he continue a real conversation. over two weeks, and one weekend.
    i am not really sure why.
    ……….
    there are a few girls on fb that i know are past flings or gfs which comment on his page a lot.
    there is a girl he knows from his training out of the country that asked on his fb if he wants to meet up in mexico in a few months. I will just watch to see if he ever disappears for a while in may, but I doubt he will – of course he will be working, so he may not have a choice anyway. I’ll just be observing. she also asked to skype him. …of course, these girls will not last, leaning forward like that, will they ;)

    I have a feeling he is feeling like he could be in a real relationship with me, committed, maybe even marry me eventually. He was willing to let me stay with him now if I moved out of here, (of course that would benefit him now, wouldn’t it ;) and DID actually ask me to move with him 6 months previous to that also. …. I am just not comfortable not having a commitment, and he hasn’t offered one, nor have we talked about financial arrangements if we did live together. I also need to talk to him about money for the baby again…. I don’t mean to sound like he owes it to me, but….. he kinda owes it to me doesn’t he?

    But, I wonder if he is feeling a little bit like this could really go somewhere, and he is testing other waters just wondering if he could be happy only being with me?

    I am so in his head right now. stop that!

    I actually have a fear that we could go somewhere… I sort of fear asking why I haven’t really heard from him much this past two wks, (he knows I prefer more contact…) and getting the results I want (him calling frequently/regularly, back to daily talking again), bringing him very close and then deciding it’s not what I want. I don’t want to break his heart, I don’t want to hurt him.. especially because he’s my baby’s father and we have to interact for a very long time.

    but then again, a phone call is just a phone call, right? :D maybe I can feel a little lighter about all these things.

    I really like how I am feeling I am getting the hang of all this.
    I feel I get results from Bio-Father-of-Baby when I use FEELING MESSAGES more, and let him in, and I get results from Man-I-Live-With when I LEAN BACK.

    I feel the more I embody my Goddess self, the better I feel, and the better responses I get!
    Constantly Improving!

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 1:16pm

  756. 756: Silver-Tongued SirenNo Gravatar says:

    710 FW-
    “Sunshine guys tend to ask why because they want to pick your logic apart. When they ask me why about my feelings I just tell them that is just the way I feel right now. “When there is no contact I feel turned off and I don’t want to feel that way with you. I need contact to feel connected” or something similar.”

    Yessss. That’s right. I am learning that.

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 1:27pm

  757. 757: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    LG, I feel good about doing that. I noticed when I shared a passion story about feeling loyalty and deep unconditional trust from/for my partner, and he was SUPER receptive, and actually said, “i am going to continue to show you that i am that man”

    good idea re: shifting focus.

    Thanks, LG!

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 1:28pm

  758. 758: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    SST/Sunshine That is the reason why at times I am comfortable just staring blankly or just saying hhhhhhhhhhhhmmmmmmmmmmm

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 1:29pm

  759. 759: IamabutterflyNo Gravatar says:

    @747 Laughing Goddess – Wow, thanks for reposting that! That’s exactly what I’ve been doing, and holy crap it works! I feel like the guys that only show up when you’re ignoring them by having a fabulous life aren’t really worth it, anyway. I feel like the guys who step…no fight their way into your fabulous life are the only ones who are worth it! I am so done with lame sauce guys!

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 1:30pm

  760. 760: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    RE 751 Starla I believe you are already leading and that we should all understand that when it comes to the emotional component in relationships we have to lead. I believe men depend on our lead there.

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 1:34pm

  761. 761: MochaberriNo Gravatar says:

    @ 747 – thank you for posting that – I really needed that after my experience today with KR – this has been going on for a year and it is exaclty what’s happening here – he has told me that he doesn’t want to lose me out of his life because he’s on the fence. Many friends have told me to remove myself from the situation but I couldn’t do it until I felt I was ready and today was the day after he and talked a few times and I see it clearly.

    If he now wants me in his life he has to do what’s going to keep my and that’s marriage!!!

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 1:37pm

  762. 762: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    FW, could you say more about what you mean by I am already leading?

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 1:38pm

  763. 763: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Iamabutterfly 758

    “I feel like the guys that only show up when you’re ignoring them by having a fabulous life aren’t really worth it, anyway. I feel like the guys who step…no fight their way into your fabulous life are the only ones who are worth it! I am so done with lame sauce guys!”

    Haha! agreed!

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 1:46pm

  764. 764: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    RE 747 Thanks for this reminder LG. I have had a CD state specifically while talking about another woman that he does not want any woman focussing on him.

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 1:46pm

  765. 765: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Mochaberri: Great! I feel excited that you had this realization because I know it will bring you one step closer to having the relationship you want. Yay for that!

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 1:47pm

  766. 766: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    FW 759

    Very interesting! I hadn’t thought of it that way before that we actually are leading the emotional component of the relationship.

    The neurons in my brain feel enlivened. Making new connections.

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 1:49pm

  767. 767: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    With your feelings Starla. Your showing him your insides and telling him what’s going in their and thus healing yourself. As you heal he is inspired to heal too. As Dominique says they heal through our hearts. I also hear Rori say in Reconnect, as we disconnect from our feelings our men withdraw because they are disconnected from their own feelings. A man want a woman who can feel.

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 1:49pm

  768. 768: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    765 cont.

    I wonder if this is what sweetie was asking me for last night.

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 1:50pm

  769. 769: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    RE 753 That is what I am working LG. The guys in my office now are aware of how I communicate. The other day two of them stood up in front of me talking about me. One of them said “and if you tell her she looks good she will say “thank you , I know”.

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 1:52pm

  770. 770: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Starla 756

    mmmmm, yummy. I feel so turned on when men say things like this …“i am going to continue to show you that i am that man”

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 1:52pm

  771. 771: FemininewomanNo Gravatar says:

    Sondra if you choose to make the card I would just focus maybe on making it celebratory of Valentine’s Day, not to express my love for him.

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 2:00pm

  772. 772: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    766 thanks for explaining, FW
    As well as I can recall, I haven’t ever kept my feelings to myself with him. Which is why I need to trust him to lead in responding to them.

    Soooo challenging. Gonna spend the night working out, cleaning, studying, cooking, going to bed early, yes yes.

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 2:01pm

  773. 773: Silver-Tongued SirenNo Gravatar says:

    FW-

    “A MAN DOESN’T WANT TO LOSE A GOOD WOMAN FROM HIS LIFE. He may not be in love with her, but he doesn’t want to lose her. That’s why after a break-up men will text you, call you, come around, leave you all kinds of confusing and provocative messages – because he doesn’t want to lose you from his life. He doesn’t want to do what he has to do to KEEP a good woman – which is to MARRY HER, but he doesn’t want to lose her.

    So he tries to split the difference. He does as much as he has to do to not lose you, without going over the edge and having to do what he has to do in order to keep you. ”

    Now YOU can be the one he feels compelled to KEEP. Really. If it happened for me, it can happen for you.”

    And that’s exactly what I’m afraid of.
    He says he is getting gratitude for me.. well.

    What would happen if I just really did put him out of my life, not answering his calls/texts unless he leaves a message that feels good talking about giving me what I need? And not letting him take me out unless that happens?

    Or is it better to just keep seeing him but not have sex etc unless he comes up with the commitment?

    Or should I just stop it right there because he has expressed not wanting to do that? connnfussed.

    “And the fastest way to truly ignore him rather than just PRETEND to ignore him (because that will not work – it has to be REAL) is to have the biggest, fullest, most amazing, unpredictable, fun, thrilling, sexy life you can imagine, with so many men around you that you feel your choices are infinite, and to LEAVE HIM OUT OF IT!”

    yup… Sigh I need more energy and more money. this feels SO hard- after caring for baby all day and trying to find money all the time, I feel too exhausted to go out, ESPECIALLY if I have to take baby with me. Tho it requires energy either way- finding a sitter, dealing with baby’s anxiety about not being with me, *more money* to pay a sitter…

    perhaps I will have to find a way to have this amazing life come to ME.

    dinner parties? hrmm.. I don’t knowwwww. I don’t even WANT to go on dates, it’s too much trouble… but open to going to events where men ARE.. I wish the baby situation was easier, I am meant to have help with this.

    Oh yeah, the other day when Man-I-Live-With was here having lunch I asked him if he noticed the refrigerator, it is sparkling!!! And my heart lit up because I felt like it was something he would really like, as it makes out house look cleaner, less cluttered, shinier.. (i took a bunch of pics/papers off the fridge, and cleaned the top off too, and put something decorative on top).

    I felt my face light up, and he said yes it looks nice. but he kept looking at me and kind of smiling, and I suddenly felt vulnerable and asked “what??”.. and he said I just love how YOU were sparkling…….
    :D :D ohhh love that!

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 2:01pm

  774. 774: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    FW 768

    Awww, I feel moved hearing that story. Sounds like they see you as a consistently confident woman who appreciates herself.

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 2:02pm

  775. 775: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    And who knows, maybe I’ll be surprised, and he’ll call me tonight and say “hey, just wanna hug you, when can i come by?”

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 2:02pm

  776. 776: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    And then I can tell him how good it feels :D

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 2:07pm

  777. 777: Silver-Tongued SirenNo Gravatar says:

    I also am feeling good about the fact right now that in the past several weeks I have an accumulation of about 20 men (and 10 women) friend requesting me on fb. ooh ego glitter! I haven’t accepted them yet because I don’t know them, a lot of them are youngish, and also I like to individually message people when they friend me. Not sure if I should do this with guys or not, but why not, since they friended me. I just like to connect and also I feel that is a good way to start a connection – make people feel important.

    I will investigate them later this week. I am curious about who they all are. And adding one or two every day can’t hurt the image of that amazing, unpredictable, fun, thrilling, sexy life I have, in which my choices are infinite!!

    That is one thing I love about me, I am pretty predictable as I am a creature of comfort, BUT, I have some hot blood and you can really get it boiling – and that fire is right there when I need it to be unpredictable. I don’t LIKE to break my routine or my comfort, but I WILL sometimes if it matters.

    I love to shock Man-I-Live-With whenever he thinks he’s got me. :D I think I should really do it WAY more often.

    I keep thinking this week about Rori’s rule that you should “change EVERYthing”… keep thinking about what I should change and HOW I should change it. My hair, my makeup, my wardrobe, (esp since I don’t have money to be spending), my routine… EVERYthing, Rori says. :D

    think think think

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 2:17pm

  778. 778: CamilleNo Gravatar says:

    OK Iknow I know I know
    Do not analyze anything a man does but……………
    this is a brain teaser and I must for a second…….
    When Troy left instead of going away to some man cave……..I just found out that he stayed every night until he went to “our” friends that he was right here in town……staying at the motel………weird.

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 2:17pm

  779. 779: CamilleNo Gravatar says:

    3 miles from the house????????What in the world was he doing?

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 2:18pm

  780. 780: Silver-Tongued SirenNo Gravatar says:

    or shall I say “feel feel feel!”

    If I had money to do so I would start wearing a lot of WHITE in my wardrobe. it always makes me feel beautiful, clean, refreshing, noticeable, sophisticated.

    Since I don’t, I wonder what I SHOULD do..hmmmmhmmhmmmmmhmmm! I wish I had time to sew. ohh babies!

    I really need to get my hair done also, but haven’t since Man-I-Live-With usually does it. I really love the fresh new cut he gave me last time! And I hate letting new people touch my hair! gahh!

    I would barter with someone if I had a babysitter, which comes back around to … having ANOTHER babysitter so I can do the work of bartering, and then either bartering with them or paying them! Bio-Father-of-Baby really needs to come through here, GRRR.

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 2:23pm

  781. 781: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Sirens!

    I definitely had a bettet day today than yesterday.

    I got some good news at work and I felt really productive. Plus, my team leader helped me to fix the issues I had that were bugging me. Nothing is resolved yet, but at least I feel suported.

    And I saw P… We didn’t talk, he was running late for a client meeting, but he is the one who saw me, screamed my name and waved at me…better than nothing I guess… But this made me hope that he thinks of me and send me a text or something… No. Nothing. I feel a little disapointed, but less than last night… Oh well!

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 2:33pm

  782. 782: ColleenNo Gravatar says:

    I just got out of a relationship with a man who was going though a divorce. He was alone for 6 months after their seperation and then he started seeing me.
    His first marriage was to a lady who was married twice already and had two boys, 9 and 13. He was married to her for 4 years they had one daughter together. The daughter will be 4 years old next month. The reason for the divorce according to him was that they could not decide and agree on how to disipline her two boys. They went to counseling etc… and could come to an agreement so they divorced.

    He started seeing me, I’m divorced once and have two boys about the same age as his ex wife. He is a handsome, well educated man, 10 years younger than me but I found him to be somewhat needy in the beginning. After awhile I got used to him just showing up at my house on my days off, with a short text alerting me of his arrival before he came over. He was always at my house even when just the girls were there also. We dated for six months, in the beginning I said that I did not want anything serious. He said he didnt either. I had recently been hurt by another man going thru a divorce so I wasnt sure what I wanted. After 6 months of spending a significant amount of time together I finally asked him if he was going to ask me to be his girlfriend when his divorce was final. He said no because he would be getting into the same situation as he was before and he saw me and my boys as a complicated math equation. In my opinion this man and I had become emotionally close and he made me feel really cared about with constant attention.

    We stopped talking for a month or so and I had a few dates with other guys. I was still thinking about my ex. He would always follow me on Facebook and click like on all my comments and I had to delete him because it was giving me false hope.

    Recently we started talking again and he seems to have changed into an arrogant, non empathetic person. I texted him just to get some things off my chest and he ignored what I said and said Goodmorning. Then he proceeded to tell me how he had been depressed lately and I asked him why. He said that he missed feeling loved and missed and having his daughter alone feels like something is missing. This gave me hope but when I asked him more he said by no one in particular just that he missed that feeling. I told him he was just going through a confused time and it would get better. He said that he wasn’t confused that he needs someone good in his life and that person has not come into his life yet. I was at work and devastated. One of my girlfriends got angry and texted him and said that he led me on for six months and that I was not good enough for him and his high standards. He told her that I was sweet, caring, beautiful energetic, educated and I deserved someone special in me and my boys life that he could not be. He also told her that he needed and wanted someone good, that is good in every aspect of his life.

    Help I’m confused and hurt and now I think I was with a narcissist.
    T

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 2:34pm

  783. 783: lkNo Gravatar says:

    humbug cd sent me links of houses that he has scheduled viewings for this weekend & all i could manage was they look lovely. i feel like a dried up old crone.

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 2:44pm

  784. 784: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Just realized more about what FW was saying about how we lead emotionally, and when we heal, they heal. It is sooo true. Some guys resist this, though, and when they see you trying to take a healthier approach to life and love, they try to pull you out of it, or discourage you from getting healthier in various ways.

    CF, on the other hand, really perks up when he hears about me doing all I can to stay happy and healthy and pursue my passions. He says it really inspires him. It does scare me a lot, though, to see the kind of power I have over his state of mind, because he is very happy when I’m focused on staying happy and healthy, and when I slip, he tries to pick me up, but if I slip and fall too hard, he’ll just fall down with me. And that feels bad and scary.

    I feel optimistic that over time, as long as I keep taking as much responsibility as possible for my happiness, that he will follow my lead here. He’s always complimenting me for this side of my personality, and he will see that he can’t stay with this siren forever if he’s not going to share self-awareness and improvement as a value.

    But to be fair to him, I’M the one who slips up the most. He often picks me up. He is very strong in many ways. His biggest weakness is his fear that he won’t be strong enough for me, not the lack of strength itself.

    Just gotta keep showing him I trust him to lead and be strong. Yes yes yum yum.

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 2:49pm

  785. 785: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    I’m wondering… After what happened last Thursday with P, he texted me on Sunday… He said a nice and happy “hi”, he said “absolutely” after offering himself that we “talk soon”…

    I KNOW WHAT FOLLOWS IS OVERANALYZING!! But I just can’t help myself…

    For me, texting 2 days after a night together… means he doesn’t have regrets? He will call again? He felt good about it? He wants to see me again? No??

    So wondering why he isn’t calling/texting yet… I can’t stop thinking about it. It’s been 4 days since the last message… Is that a lot?

    Do you have any thoughts?

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 3:00pm

  786. 786: FrancescaNo Gravatar says:

    My man surprised me last night.

    He called me on the phone.

    He hates talking on the phone.

    Even though the connection was bad, I could hear how much he wanted to see me next week.

    I said I only have two days off and he said “yes, only two days, but we’ll make them worthwhile”.

    Wow, he never said anything like that to me before.

    I mean, yes, he does tell me nice things but this sounded so deep.

    I’m impressed with him.

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 3:02pm

  787. 787: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Lizka, I feel a little worried for you… I don’t want to see sirens hung up over a guy, especially one you just had a one-night fling with.

    I wonder if you could focus instead on the messages he has to offer? What have you learned about yourself in this process? How do you feel?

    Cuz I don’t wanna see you going to sleep sad as hell and waking up sad as hell over P again.

    Are you taking his lack of contact as an indication that you are somehow worth less?

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 3:04pm

  788. 788: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Still thinking of leaning forward just a little bit.

    But not now. In a few days. If I still feel the urge. Not inviting him. Just a cute or fun message.

    But not now. When I feel better about it. When I’m in a super good mood. When I have a fun script.

    I might not also. I’ll think about it. I feel good right now about leaning back… But I feel disappointed that he didn’t give any sign for 4 days… I know he works a lot during the week, but weekend is approaching… I thought he would invite me… I don’ t want to wait another 2 months :(

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 3:07pm

  789. 789: FrancescaNo Gravatar says:

    Lizka, pull the energy back to you.

    Start focusing on you.

    Stay leaned back, you’re doing it now.

    You can do it a little while longer.

    Remember, you are the prize.

    He will do what he has to do, in time.

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 3:11pm

  790. 790: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    OK Ladies I need some help!!

    CF just texted me to give me a heads up that I should come hungry and wear comfortable shoes cuz we’ll be walking a lot on our already planned date this saturday.

    We had some weird back and forth triggering over this issue, but he is stepping up EXACTLY as requested, with firm times and an indication of whether I should come hungry or not, and what kind of dress I should wear.

    I feel so easybreezyreadyforanything and taken care of when I know details like this, it’s great!!!!! I want to text back letting him know, but my feeling messages are all kind of coming out like “good boy! you were bad but now you’re good” and i don’t like that.

    Ideas?

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 3:16pm

  791. 791: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    And yesterday, I complained about my friends not calling me or inviting me anywhere for a long time. That it’s always me who has to lean forward with them.

    Well today I received a text from a girl friend. She asked me if I want to go to a music festival they are doing every weekend in my city during the winter.

    I wanted to go there for years and I never had the occasion. It’s really my type of activity!

    But last time I went out with her (and a few other times before), she just left me behind, and went to flirt with some douche bags and I just had all these douche around me. She is a fun and nice girl, but she is from another “world”. All her friends, specially her guy friends, are very pretentious and douche… I just feel really lonely and rejected when I’m around them…

    So I’m not sure I want to go… And I don’t want to lie about the reason why I don’t want to go. I have to write her a nice (feeling?) message about why I don’t want to go… Have to think about this tonight…

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 3:16pm

  792. 792: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you Francesca!

    You give super good advices! You see? You belong here! :)

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 3:18pm

  793. 793: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Starla

    I feel well treated?

    It feels good to have firmer plans?

    I feel excited and curious about it! Thank you for lettinr me know the details!

    I feel so easybreezyreadyforanything and taken care of when I know details like this (you said it yourself!!, it’s cute and funny!)

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 3:21pm

  794. 794: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    Starla,

    I’d say smth along I feel well treated line, but a bit less serious, in your own words. You are excellent at this.

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 3:36pm

  795. 795: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    I did something really stupid. Ok, maybe now I will remember how it feels for the future

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 3:38pm

  796. 796: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Starla:

    I would use Lizka’s suggestion

    “I feel so easybreezyreadyforanything and taken care of when I know details like this (you said it yourself!!, it’s cute and funny!)”

    or

    just a smiley face, heart, xoxo, something like that

    or

    mmmm, my heart feels melty just thinking about it

    or

    …..

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 3:38pm

  797. 797: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Ya Starla, you are good at this. I would just keep it light and about you and I feel certain he won’t get the ‘good boy’ vibe

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 3:39pm

  798. 798: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    Lizka..

    Do you feel that you should be talking on the phone with P and make definite plans and stop wondering what’s going on?? I’m very sorry for being harsh

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 3:41pm

  799. 799: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    so far I have
    I feel easybreezyhappyexcitedready for anything when I ____________

    i’m having a hard time filling in the blank, because i’m so not interested in subtly suggesting that he was f*cking up before. He heard me and did what would make me happy, even though i got so triggered the first time he tried to do it, lol (unworthiness issues)

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 3:41pm

  800. 800: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    OMG the blog is so quiet tonight!? Where is everyone? Out dating?

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 3:41pm

  801. 801: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Lizka,

    I hear a lot of judgement and condemnation in these words

    “she just left me behind, and went to flirt with some douche bags and I just had all these douche around me.”

    What if you went and just focused on finding one little thing to like about everyone you interact with like Rori says?

    This will put out a really positive vibe and attract the kind of people you want to interact with, or at least draw out the positive side of the “douchy” characters.

    How do you feel about this idea?

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 3:44pm

  802. 802: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Memulo… Not sure to understand what your post means…

    Is it a real question? Or a wake-up-Lizka-is-that-really-what-you-want/deserve?

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 3:45pm

  803. 803: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    I was talking to a gfriend (happily married) and told her about my flowers and how good they look in my vase (I have an unusual funky vase) and she said – why don’t you send him a picture. It’s nothing, no words, just like a piece of art. I did make an unusual flower arrangement and it does look like a piece of art. I just hit send. No response. What’s wrong with me??

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 3:46pm

  804. 804: Laughing GoddessNo Gravatar says:

    Starla:

    “I feel so easybreezyreadyforanything and taken care of when I know details like this”

    doesn’t sound triggering at all to me. Then again, I don’t know his personal triggers.

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 3:48pm

  805. 805: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Thank you for your help, laydeeezzzz!

    I sent it, but prefaced it with “I feel a little silly telling you this, but…”

    i feel authentic and happy with that message.

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 3:53pm

  806. 806: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    Lizka,

    Not a real question. Not a wake up call. I read earlier on this thread – if he sent me a text 2 days after a night together – it’s a good sign? I feel that it’s a sign of – I had a great time and will be happy to have a great time again.. when I feel like it.

    I think that you are taking it beautifully, but I would make a note to myself – if this is not what I really want it would not happen again, unless it’s happening the way I want it.

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 3:54pm

  807. 807: MemuloNo Gravatar says:

    Ok, so flower story is done-) Errr… well, probably wasn’t mean to be anyway!

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 3:58pm

  808. 808: FrancescaNo Gravatar says:

    Starla, I would go with what LG said, it sounds nice, soft and cute.

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 3:58pm

  809. 809: Silver-Tongued SirenNo Gravatar says:

    Starla!

    ““I feel so easybreezyreadyforanything and taken care of when I know details like this (you said it yourself!!, it’s cute and funny!)””

    I agree with saying this! it sounds cute and original! I like hearing it much more than the other statements.
    It feels more fun and happy.

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 3:58pm

  810. 810: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    LADIESSSS!!!!! im feelin so excited!!!!!

    RastaMan CD called me!! i thought and was feeling kinda sad and angry that i hadnt heard from him and how he got back after he used my 5 dollars!!!

    and i think my GIVIGN him that (he asked for it, and at first i said no , but then thought he wouldnt ask if he didnt need it)

    kinda bonded me to him emotionally (rargh! i wanna bond cuz of what HE does… but i did think it was sweet of him to walk me all the way home with my backpack and go home himself at like 5 something)

    well he wandt to hang out maybe today and get a hotel and im like YEAH!!!

    wooooo

    i feel excited

    i also have a day with CamaroCD (coolest caer Ive EVER been in in my life so far)

    but i have lost my ipod – miss the feel in my hand of that thing! and my planner… so i will see how today pans out

    feeling lovely!

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 4:00pm

  811. 811: FrancescaNo Gravatar says:

    Lizka, do you like reading?

    I find that when I read, I forget about everything except what’s going on in the book.

    And I was reading last night when my man called. ;)

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 4:00pm

  812. 812: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    LG

    Yes you’re probably right.

    But I feel so different from these people.

    And I feel really like I have nothing to say to that kind of people. I don’t go to the gym, I don’t have mags on my car, I don’t actually have a car, I don’t go to the same places, I don’t work in construction, I don’t wear the same type of clothes, and I really doubt they are interested hearing about politic or history like I usually talk with when I’m with other friends…

    It probably seems to you like another huge judgement, but it’s just true. It’s just how I feel. I feel different. And most of the time, they are not interested in me because I am inferior because I don’t go to the gym, I take the metro, I don’t go out at the same places, I don’t dance on bars when I go clubbing, I don’t have tatoos, I don’t like hip hop music, I have a jog in an office, and I’m such a geek because I like politic and history…

    Just not interested in paying 20$ to go to a festival, freeze my *ss outside for 5 hours and feel rejected and different…

    And beleive me, I’m not a b*tch. I usually try to find good things in everyone. But I don’t want to pay 20$ and freeze for it.

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 4:02pm

  813. 813: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Starla i feel so excited for you!!! loving CF for stepping up on this one

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 4:03pm

  814. 814: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    wow even wrtiing that triggered NVs that im getting too “loving” towrds my girlfriend’s man… i really want to heal this!!

    i don’t want to be constantly triggered by this!

    eeeemphyyyy

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 4:04pm

  815. 815: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Lizka – wow that feels bad to read to me… :( i feel kinda bad liking hip hop music , dancing on bars, and having/liking tattoos here… :(

    sigh

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 4:06pm

  816. 816: Silver-Tongued SirenNo Gravatar says:

    Lizka! I don’t know!
    I am here.
    I just finished with the extra two babies and they went home. I have been on here a lot today, not feeling so well.

    Have been toying with the idea of going to the thrift store to find something to make me feel good – a new item of clothing, something for my house… to help me redo things.. don’t have money to be spending though. And baby is sleepy.

    In re-connect your relationship, rori talks about “changing everything about you” your hair, what you normally wear, etc etc.

    changing the energy.

    i am thinking of things I can change with minimal or no cost.

    hmmm. hair color could use some energy. I love my natural color though. hmmm… still would feel fun..

    I have been rearranging a bit in the house..

    I do often try to change my wardrobe, as I know it helps with my relationship somehow-
    guys are so funny-
    even from the beginning I picked up that the more often I changed my clothing the more often it refreshed the energy in my relationship. I often will have a day outfit and then a nicer evening outfit for when he comes home. Or if we have an argument I am sure to not wear those clothes again the next day or anytime soon (or have the baby wearing the same clothes).. I feel silly saying this, but it’s true.

    So maybe it’s just time to rearrange the furniture and paint the walls and change my hair and be surprising. lol.

    still coveting that white wardrobe.
    I had been introducing lots of color into my wardrobe since I met Man-I-Live-With a few years back. Recently it’s turned all gray/black with accents of white. I like it lately, and so does he. He loves me in white as well. He never says much about colors but I like them, they make me feel cheery and I realize men like them too even if they don’t realize it. I think men are attracted to color. Just like they all say they like “natural” makeup, but rori says men like makeup they can see (I think that was rori) and I notice men commenting on very made up girls a lot. I do both. I love to get dressed, do my makeup, go out. So i love dressing UP sometimes and being natural others. I like feeling varietous.

    well I am going to go do things around the house and think more about things I can change and refresh!

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 4:07pm

  817. 817: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Lol Memulo, you’re loosing me… Maybe my bad English.

    ” if this is not what I really want [That he calls me again?] it would not happen again, unless it’s happening the way I want it.”

    Who is “I” ? Me or him?

    Don’t feel like you have to answer… I’m just lost…

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 4:08pm

  818. 818: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    622 T-Girl – Firstly I wanted to send healing vibes your daughter’s way. Thankfully they now know what’s wrong and can now treat her. OMG you must have been beside yourself! I hate having sick kids – it’s awful! xxx

    And as far as the workout stuff is concerned, I started Insanity before I heard about P90x and read that the P90x workouts are a LOT harder and they last for a lot longer too. Insanity is only 45 minutes max including warmup and stretches. But even 45 minutes seems long sometimes! Especially when I’m tired. And 6 days per week is hard, although I’m getting really good results from it.

    With Fit Yummy Mummy your workout’s either only 15 minutes a day, 6 days a week, or 30 minutes a day, 3 days a week. So really not much of a time commitment at all so there’s really no excuses for not sticking to it. And I started off with no equipment but eventually bought a fit ball and some dumbells to do the workouts.

    It’s not going to bring results as quickly as P90X or Insanity, but I’ve seen several members of her club achieve amazing results in such a short time! She runs transformation challenges but I think they’re only for club members (I think it’s $19.95 per month, although it’s not necessary to be a member to follow the actual program).

    She promotes a lifestyle change. There’s no “diet” that you go on, and afterwards put back on all of the weight you lost once you return to “normal” eating. Her goal is to teach you that you need to change your eating habits for life – not just for a few weeks or a few months, in order to lose weight and actually keep it off.

    TH wants to start Insanity soon, but he’s still too heavy for his knees to handle it. I’m looking forward to that so he can stop heckling me while I’m doing it! Haha! Revenge will be sweeeeet! ;)

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 4:09pm

  819. 819: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    815 – Daria

    I did not JUDGED these people for doing that. I just said I feel different and like we have nothing in common and nothing to share. I don’t feel food around them.

    I’m sure you’re a sexy siren dancing on bars. Really sorry if it sounded like a judgement. Honestly, it wasn’t.

    Love you. :)

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 4:10pm

  820. 820: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    ‘I love my powerful emotions! And I own it: I’m high strung and intense! Hugs to Brenda! Love to Brenda! ‘

    Wow loving the empowering feel of this energy!!

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 4:11pm

  821. 821: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    629 Mel – Awww you’re the best! Mr A’s daughter is going to be thrilled when she sees what you bought for her barbies!

    My daughter always insists that I play Barbies with her, and we have lots of fun! :)

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 4:12pm

  822. 822: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Francesca that’s a WONDERFUL idea!!!!

    I do have a book that I love and haven’t finish reading it yet! And I forgot about it in the last days!!

    It’s an amazing book from Marie Laberge… Oh wow that you for the idea!

    I’ll go walk my dog, smoke, finish my lunch for tomorrow, wash my face and go to bed early to read a few chapters!

    AMAZING!!!

    And I guess I have enough chapters to read to have a full weekend of reading-and-no-thinking.

    YOU ARE AMAZING!! Did I said it?

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 4:12pm

  823. 823: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    Lika – uhohi i feel defensive… i noticed you did not expressly judge them… and it still felt bad

    (and confusing…my voices: why do i feel bad? shes just saying she feels judged around THEM , not that she’s judging them)

    i feel scared a bit… dont wanna blame you… i just DID feel bad reading that though… anyway (though i noticed you didnt explicitly make a judgement – thank u)

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 4:14pm

  824. 824: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    And maybe he will call, or maybe he won’t. But at least I won’t be thinking of it.

    You know? On Sunday, when P texted me, it was during one of the first moment since our date where I was not focusing on himself, I was watching a girl movie and painting my toe nails…

    Our vibe maybe?

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 4:16pm

  825. 825: FrancescaNo Gravatar says:

    Oh really?? Which one by Marie Laberge?

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 4:16pm

  826. 826: FrancescaNo Gravatar says:

    Our vibe, exactly.

    You got it.

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 4:17pm

  827. 827: Butterfly WingsNo Gravatar says:

    642 Sondra – I know most people here might say to give nothing, but I couldn’t help myself last year. I didn’t want to go over the top though, so I just bought TH a stuffed gorilla (implying that he IS a bit of a gorilla! haha).

    It cost me less than $20 and when you squeeze his hand he makes a kissing sound and he has a big lip print on his face near his mouth too. Very cute and he still has it now and he even named it Brutus! :)

    I don’t regret buying it for him.

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 4:18pm

  828. 828: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Daria

    I feel happy that you notice in yourself that it’s not about me being judgy but about how YOU feel.

    I feel sorry that you feel like this. :( I did not meant to hurt anyone…

    Lol, now it’s me who feels weird and guilty.

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 4:19pm

  829. 829: FrancescaNo Gravatar says:

    Lizka, thanks, but I’m not amazing.

    These are things you KNOW you should do.

    You forgot about them.

    You just needed a little reminder.

    You’ll make it through.

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 4:19pm

  830. 830: LizkaNo Gravatar says:

    Francesca –

    Le Goût du Bonheur. Have you read it?

    In all the books that I have read, I think it’s my second favorite.

    There are 3 volumes, I’m at the second and I’m reading really slowly because I don’t want to be done with it. Lol

    A real feel good book.

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 4:21pm

  831. 831: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    Hi Sirens,

    I am feeling sooooooo happy that it’s almost the weekend! I spoke with my ex yesterday about the weekend and he is definitely coming up this weekend, and plans are fairly well set, which for him… is pretty good. He mentioned a few times that he’ll be in late Friday night, and that Saturday he’ll take the girls to see his family, but intends to bring them back Saturday night because there is still tension with his family. Sunday, he plans to take the girls skiing. He said he’d probably stay with his one sister, as he’s still not speaking to the other, and she lives with his mom, where they usually stay. I feel worried there will be a lot of drama with his family, and wish that I could fix it for him. I wish he’d feel comfortable to hang out here with us, but as I’ve said before, everything has to be his idea…. so not something I feel like suggesting. I really want to lean forward and call him and tell him that it would feel so wonderful to spend time with him this weekend, and that he can stay here with us, and that everything will be ok.

    I’m inspired by what STS wrote above, that Rori says to change everything! I haven’t changed much at the house yet, as I just got it all set up the past few months, but I feel like rearranging the furniture, putting up Valentine decorations, and picking out some warm paint colors. We have a lot of cream here. It would feel wonderful to go clothes shopping, as I wear the same old stuff all the time, and would LOVE to add a few new pieces to my wardrobe. I don’t know about changing my hair, I’ve been growing it out for awhile, and I dyed it back to my natural color, so I wouldn’t need to color it so much. I kinda feel like going lighter though. I feel excited thinking about making some changes around here…. will give me something else to focus on than the fact that my yummy ex will either be here tomorrow night, or early Saturday and I won’t be able to just reach out, grab his face and lay a huge kiss on him, even though that is exactly what I FEEL like doing!!! Oh swoon… my horomones are raging!

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 4:25pm

  832. 832: FrancescaNo Gravatar says:

    No, I haven’t read this one. I’ve been trying for ages to get it at the library. I probably should sign up for it.

    I read pretty much all her other books. I liked them all very much except maybe Sans rien ni personne that I couldn’t finish.

    It was good but not as poignant as the other ones.

    Annabelle is my favourite.

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 4:26pm

  833. 833: DariaNo Gravatar says:

    paradigm: you are the martyr leader of your tribe

    Thursday, 26 January 2012 @ 4:28pm

  834. 834: TurquoiseNo Gravatar says:

    I also decided to keep my girls night for Saturday. I made plans with my family, invited them over, I’m cooking fettuchini alfredo with chicken, asparagus, a huge salad and bread. YUMMY! :) We are also going to do Valentine crafts. Maybe decorate heart cookies too. I really want to throw myself into Valentine’s day this year, and manifest that I will receive some gorgeous flowers this year. I will feel loved. Normally, I go out with my single girlfriends for Valentine’s Day. Last year I was dating a guy, we went out the weekend before for a really great date, I slept with him for the first time, and he didn’t even text me a Happy Valentine’s message