Here’s a letter from Jen, who was doing great, and now feels all lost again:
“Rori, I need your help so desperately…
A year ago, I worked through your Modern Siren program and it helped me get the man that I love back for good.
We had a long history of 3 years with some togetherness and some break ups. I had never learned how to really be the soft, strong, independent, attractive women that I knew I could and can be while in a relationship.
My man, he is so sweet and sensitive and loving and caring and yet so macho and so distant and withdrawn and cold at times. But we’ve all been there right! You know that deep down it’s about what is going on with us. So I learned that from my own lessons and life experiences but you helped me with your program because you helped me take all that “logical” knowledge that I had about myself and put it into practice emotionally for my benefit and for my happiness!
So…here is where we are now and in particular where I am again and I hate being here…I am falling apart inside and I need you once again!
A year ago he asked me to move in and just this year we bought a house together. I had my power, I was my own independent, soft, strong and attractive women that he felt happy and energetic and joyful and content to be with and to come home to every day!
But now…once again….I have lost myself in the relationship. I know I don’t need to expand further on that.
All the changes we’ve experienced over the last year and a half AND to top it all off….I have been going through some extreme personal stresses that have nothing to do with the relationship but with my career, finances, sick elderly parents, insomnia, physical pain…….etc. etc. So, needless to say I have had a very hard time being wonderful strong, soft self lately for the past 6 months for sure and as this has progressed I have continued to lose myself in the loneliness and seclusion.
I have been so tired and so stressed that I don’t have energy to invest in myself anymore and this is pushing him further and further away. I recognize the signs because I have learned and grown and I know logically….what I am doing wrong and how I am causing him to feel my neediness, my anxieties, my emotional dependency on him! And I know that if I don’t do something different soon to pick myself up you know what will progressively get worse and end up in shambles.
Please Rori, how do I EMOTIONALLY find myself again while being able to share a close and loving partnership with someone once you start being together full time day in and day out life….marriage?
How do I adjust and how do I find the strength and balance to work through my issues and on myself while still being able to share a life with someone who is so close, whom you love so much. How can I love myself like that again and let go of these negative patterns for good!
I want this to succeed because I know it can and when we are good together we are soooo goood together! The happiness that I deserve is so worth it all; please help me grab a hold of that happiness again!
Sincerely and breaking, Jen”
Jen! – Go back to Modern Siren.
Get the ebook if you don’t have it, and work with that (only $20).
- If you can afford it – a coach will help you stay on track.
It can be me, it can be Virginia Clark www.itsnevertoolatetomarry.com, it can be Dominique www.sexandheart.com – it’s about who most “sings” to you in the fastest amount of time.
If you have a spiritual leaning – I’ll lend you my teacher – Ron Blair (Course in Miracles) – email@example.com.
In the meantime – get on my blog. Write, participate – we’ll help you there.
- For now – BACK OFF from him! AND stay warm to him.
- Most important – focus 100% on getting your life in order.
- Go download free Feldenkrais Method tapes – they’re everywhere. Taking a class is even better, and inexpensive.
Feldenkrais will smooth you out, get you into your body, slow you down, help heal your physical pain, get you present and connected to yourself.
((Just from my personal life – I love Chinese Medicine, and NUCCA chiropractic. There are very few NUCCA practitioners in the world, and I’m lucky to have a stellar one – Dr. Nathaniel Elkins – in Los Angeles. And equally fortunate to find an incredible Chinese Medical Dr. near me (who also happens to be THE world-wide expert in her field) Dr. Matia Brizman. For pain and everything else, I rely on these two and recommend that everyone find a NUCCA practitioner and good Chinese medial doctor anywhere near them.))
- Meditate. Find a class so you get everyone’s else’s good energy around you, too.
- Do ALL my Tools that you have – ALL the time!
- Dance with your situation as best you can. And LITERALLY – DANCE–>>
***Go find a www.sweatmyprayers.com or “ecstatic dance” in your neighborhood – stop Pilates and working out at the gym for now until you see how non-goal-oriented dance works for you…
- Take an acting class!
- WALK in your neighborhood, using my Tools the whole way to pay attention to yourself, to become aware of yourself and how your mind works, and to become more aware of your surroundings and the impulses from your heart and body.
- Change your eating. Go to Whole Foods and get the basics: probiotics and omegas (cod liver oil is great for many) and vitamin D and a fruit/veg based vitamin.
STOP all SUGAR and GRAINS for a few weeks as an experiment. You could even stop dairy to experiment. See if you can tell how you feel. Experience the discipline and how that feels.
Very, very important to start identifying food intolerances for the short term, and getting some practice with your inner discipline.
- Work on your finances – and just SMILE at your man.