If You’re Feeling Broken – This Is For You

I loved this article – when I read your comments, I’ll write more about this.

For now – Sink In – no matter what you’re feeling…and let the good feelings flow with the sad feelings, the easy ones with the difficult…let it all be felt, because THAT’S where your POWER is!

Love, Rori

http://www.elephantjournal.com/2011/06/why-being-broken-in-a-pile-on-your-bedroom-floor-is-a-good-idea-julie-jc-peters/

written by Rori Raye • Permalink • Leave a Comment »

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 7:13am

1,241 Comments to “If You’re Feeling Broken – This Is For You”

1: Femininewoman says:

Thanks again.

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 7:19am
2: Liz says:

Thanks Rori
That about sums it up….you must have read my last post…

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 7:21am
3: Senior Lady Vibe says:

(((((SLV)))))

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 7:24am
4: Wants To Be Hopeful says:

I feel broken, and like I have hit rock bottom. And I finally get what Rori’s stuff really means. And now I am at a fork in the road, wondering which path to take. Both have a lot of pain. I am praying for guidance every day, which is new for me. And I feel like that is one of the life lessons I am learning. Another life lesson is that I cannot control anything, so I am finally giving that up.

I know that in my soul I just want to live, really live life and be happy. So I need to pursue that for me.

I have been crying for so long, but never let myself have a good deep cry. Maybe I need that.

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 7:31am
5: Senior Lady Vibe says:

@1023: Turquoise says:
“..What if the by you is implied in the message? …”

When I read those I’m reminded of something I learned, oh, about 1972. It stuck. I give thanks.

I digress. Oh, it’s manipulative.

Some guy once told me it was the “coy” kind of thing he liked… mainly because it meant “game on.” He believed it meant the woman was playing a manipulative feminine game and he considered it an “OK” to play his game. He would play his game with her until he got tired of her. So he did, I guess. I’m not into games. But I was intrigued by that reasoning and haven’t forgotten the story.

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 7:39am
6: Mochaberri says:

From previous thread:

@ FW #1098 – When I asked him that question he stated that the benefits would be companionship and the benefit of whatever the outing is – for example going to the movies – the benefit would be seeing a movie I wanted to see. As far as for me asking myself the question I see those things as benefits too one one hand I can reap the same benefits from other friends and by cd’ing on the other hand I’ve been involved with this guy for 15 years so throwing it away seems a lilttle difficult and as I indicated in my previous post # 274 that’s the plan I will make an effort to put in place

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 8:25am
7: Rose says:

I love this part:

“In pieces, in a pile on the floor, with no idea how to go forward, your expectations of the future are meaningless. Your stories about the past do not apply. You are in flux, you are changing, you are flowing in a new way, and this is an incredibly powerful opportunity to become new again: to choose how you want to put yourself back together. Confusion can be an incredible teacher—how could you ever learn if you already had it all figured out?”

Wow this was so soothing, I wish I had known this before when I was going through pain but I am so grateful to be aware now..

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 8:27am
8: Femininewoman says:

Mochaberri I would want to look 15 years into the future to see if I could be happy. The past is history and though the future is a mystery I would not allow the 15 years that have already passed tie me down to what I don’t want. Better to create something better with someone who might be out there looking for you. But that is me now …………….

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 8:30am
9: Femininewoman says:

Truthfully Mocha, I feel so disrespected and pissed at the benefits he mentioned.

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 8:31am
10: Wants To Be Hopeful says:

In response to one of Kayla’s posts from the previous blog entry, which might be interesting to all of you:

I was at an internet communities networking event yesterday and the speaker quoted some study which found that the max number of tight connections one could maintain was 150.

The speaker said the take away from this study was that once an online community gets over 150 it is hard for people to maintain tight relationships.

I wonder how many women regularly post on this blog. Is it over 150? And when the speaker said, 150, I thought that was high. I think it would be tough to keep track of the “stories” of 150 women. I think a lot of us feel invisible on the blog when we don’t get a response. But there are is much posted on this blog. And it is a wonderful place to write things, even if you don’t get a response.

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 8:32am
11: Mochaberri says:

@ FW # 8 and 9 – I beleive it was Bob Grant that suggested to either re-write your story or get a new story – not sure – either way yes the 15 year history is our old story and I feel that once I can get past that – I will see a new story with or without him.

And yes when he said that about the benefits I was very annoyed – I understand it but I was still annoyed because that can be done with any friend

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 8:36am
12: Wants To Be Hopeful says:

Mocha – Are you CDing?

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 8:36am
13: Mel says:

You know what’s so funny? Ever since his small daughter told me she loves me, he’s been stepping up in this department. Nothing verbal yet, but I got a “Luv ya!” and “Lurve, Mr. A” in my daily communiques. I feel really smiley thinking about his shyness… but not wanting to be out-done by his daughter. Cute.

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 8:43am
14: Siren Angel says:

I somehow got into cooking Osso-Bucco for M and I tonight… He’s making the risotto… Is this overfunctionning? Argh…

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 8:45am
15: Radiant Rising says:

Helloooooo everyone!

It’s Apple Jacks from a long time ago. I had a dream about the blog last night and that got me wondering about the sirens so I decided to pop in, check, and say hello. Let all be good! Bye.

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 8:46am
16: Mel says:

Siren Angel,

Did he ask you to make it?

If not…

If he’s usually the step-up guy and you rarely lean forward, the odd offer of service from you is okay, I think.

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 8:53am
17: Siren Angel says:

Mochaberri,

I agree with FW on this one. I would not accept this behavior.

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 8:53am
18: Siren Angel says:

Mel, Yes he asked. He asked about dinner tonight (I was sleeping over last night). He said he felt like a risotto (he does it as he,s italian and his risotto si soooo delicious) then mentionned steaks. Frankly, I am sick of red meat. He then said ‘are steaks ok’ and I said ‘I was wondering about maybe something lighter, like veal, osso-bucco’ and he said ‘that goes really well with risotto. do you want to make it (I am not working right now for the past 3 weeks so have the time). I said ‘sure’. then some discussion on if I should cook it at home and bring it over later as it takes some time.

I prefer to cook it at home and bring it over so he doesnt see me ‘doing’. The risotto is so fast, it’s basically the time to warm up the osso-bucco.

he asked me to get mushrooms as I am going to grocery store…

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 8:58am
19: Siren Angel says:

WTBH,

I think we may be 30-35 tops here…

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 9:00am
20: Femininewoman says:

RE 11 I don’t see those as reasons a man would want to keep a woman in his life forever. I don’t see it as a something a man would say if he is feeling the attraction he needs to feel to commit to that person. I am hearing Rori’s voice in Reconnect saying a man can want us for companionship, sex, cook and a list of other things when we are in an imaginary relationship.

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 9:03am
21: Siren Angel says:

Mochaberri,

I would CD until I find some CDs that are really looking for something more with me down the road. During that time, if he is afraid to loose you, he may step up OR you will have found a real realtionship with someone else. Don’t invest so much energy in someone who is not giving you any or very little.

(((Mochaberri)))

I’m sorry of my comment is upsetting.

I do believe you can turn this around with FMs and your vibe.

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 9:04am
22: Femininewoman says:

Siren Angel it might be overfunctioning but he did ask you to and you agreed. So I would see how I feel while doing it and bringing it over and seeing if I have to serve him and wash the dishes – then share that as you might need to set a boundary for yourself. Remember this is practice and mistakes are part of it while you get to notice yourself and how you feel. Don’t second guess yourself or beat yourself up, just notice how you feel and what you are thinking while doing this.

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 9:07am
23: Femininewoman says:

Also Wants to Hopeful it could be viewed as a journal where you get to write your interal workings and process your feelings. Writing is therapeutic and can help us to let go of our stories.

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 9:10am
24: Mochaberri says:

@ WTBH #12 – Not really. I have met a few guys. One guy was overly anxious which led to him being aggressive and it freaked me out. Another guy I met recenlty was interested but his cousin felt that he needed to clean up his own backyard before seeking companionship out with me

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 9:11am
25: Senior Lady Vibe says:

@10: Wants To Be Hopeful says:
“…I was at an internet communities networking event yesterday and the speaker quoted some study which found that the max number of tight connections one could maintain was 150…”

Who was the speaker? This sounds like “the Dunbar Number” based on Robin Dunbar’s (British anthropologist) studies twenty years ago.

Dunbar’s study was on those relationships which depend upon face-to-face contacts… in other words “in real life” relationships.

Friending strangers on the Internet would not be one of those unless a personal friendship resulted. Online people aren’t always as imagined.

Another way of thinking is if these people don’t yet exist in real life for you, they aren’t yet “tight connections.” BTW, Rori says if a man isn’t in front of you, he doesn’t exist…

But who knows… maybe “Skype” counts…

(((SLV)))

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 9:12am
26: Siren Angel says:

FW @21,

Before getting Rori’s tools last summer, I would cook OFTEN, pick-up the dishes and wash them, even pick up after his kids!!!

I have STOPPED that completely.

The most I will do tonight is bring it over. I will leave all the dishes and stuff lying around like I usually do and lean back and smile while he is picking up and cleaning. This has been a HUGE shift for me. And I can see he feels masculine and purposeful doing this. It was freaky at first, but it does work!!!

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 9:14am
27: Siren Angel says:

Mel @13, ♥

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 9:16am
28: Siren Angel says:

I wonder how Emmie is doing with the situation with her ex and the dog.

(((EMMIE)))

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 9:17am
29: Siren Angel says:

WTBH @ 4,

(((WTBH))) ♥ The tools do work, for me they are such a gift. You are a Siren.

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 9:19am
30: Femininewoman says:

Siren Angel I would get a script ready just in case he asks you to do it or things change. Maybe about how lonely you feel in the kitchen or that you just want to be enjoying your time with him and don’t want to be doing dishes (right now).

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 9:20am
31: Wants To Be Hopeful says:

24 – SLV – It was the speakers opinion, and that probably was the study she was quoting. Her suggestion (because there is no study for online communities) is that people who are creating online communities should keep in mind how large a community could be to be successful. I call this one successful. I think when you have too small of a number in a web community, it is also unsuccessful. I think web developer communities are more successful when there are thousands sharing opinions, but that is a different case, and off-topic.

FW – Yes, I agree, for me this is a place to write and get clarity on your own thoughts.

The speaker is a psychologist who writes books on web site stuff. She wrote 100 things every designer should know, and another book. She speaks to web companies all over the country and gets people to think differently about various web stuff.

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 9:25am
32: Brenda says:

Rori,

Thank you, this is exactly where I am at. It really helps me to put everything together that you have been saying about sinking into the feelings.

I am coming down off the scaffolding and into my heart, and it’s a scary place to be at times. I think the toxic relationships kept me out pinging around on the scaffolding, too.

I’m kind of crashing this week, and I feel better about allowing myself to reading this article.

If I let myself be a spinning, fragmented jewel, I will grow deeper with more facets. I like who I am and I like who I am becoming even more. I love the visualization of riding the back of the dangerous crocodile!

Thank you!

Love, Brenda

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 9:26am
33: Wants To Be Hopeful says:

Mocha – Do you think there might be someone out there who could love you more that this guy? Do you think that is possible? Could you even dream it or imagine the possibility?

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 9:27am
34: Starla says:

okaaaay i feel pissed still about getting blown off repeatedly but i see he is trying earnestly to move us forward in a positive direction and not just sweep it under the rug either, so i feel open to hearing him out now.

i put myself in his shoes last night and see that what he did to me wasn’t really anything terrible. it was all HIS stuff driving him and paralyzing him. he wants to talk to me about his stuff and my stuff and how we can have stuff together.

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 9:30am
35: Starla says:

if i kept cancelling on someone and not calling when i said i would, it wouldn’t be because i don’t like them but because i was so anxious and stressed i didn’t think i could manage talking to them very well. i actually DO this sometimes.

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 9:32am
36: Brenda says:

Siren Angel,

RE: #18 – We are way more than that. If you started counting, you would be surprised. I know I was the first time I tried. Then I realized why Rori has such a hard time keeping up with us all, not to mention all the clients she has outside the blog.

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 9:36am
37: Siren Angel says:

FW @29, Yes, good point.

”I just feel like enjoying fully a beautiful relaxed evening with you. Do you think the dishes can be done later?”

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 9:38am
38: Starla says:

I have many guys wishing me a good day every day, whether it’s by phone, text, or facebook. It feels pretty awesome.

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 9:39am
39: Siren Angel says:

Brenda,

I had not realized so many Sirens post on the blog. I realize some may just read us and not post though. I guess as I am new to the blog, I really don’t know…

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 9:39am
40: Femininewoman says:

“The thing about going through sudden or scary or sad transitions (like a breakup) is that one of the things you lose is your future: your expectations of what the story of your life so far was going to become. When you lose that partner or that job or that person, your future dissolves in front of you.

And of course, this is terrifying.

But look, Akhilanda says, now you get to make a choice. In pieces, in a pile on the floor, with no idea how to go forward, your expectations of the future are meaningless. Your stories about the past do not apply. You are in flux, you are changing, you are flowing in a new way, and this is an incredibly powerful opportunity to become new again: to choose how you want to put yourself back together. Confusion can be an incredible teacher—how could you ever learn if you already had it all figured out?”

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 9:39am
41: Starla says:

What if I feel safe with CF anyway, even though he’s royally f*cked up? What if I know I can still trust him anyway (i do)? Am I fool? Should I not let myself trust a man who’s f*cked up, because it sends the message that he can do it over and over? because if he does it again, i’ll be even more attached at that point, and it will be so painful to have to end it after giving over all my trust.

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 9:44am
42: Brenda says:

Daria,

RE: #1041 from http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/heal-your-heart/love-yourself-healing-in-los-angeles-and-wherever-you-live/comment-page-23/#comment-191141: “Brenda that is so cool that you actually TOLD Ryan how you feel. That is so freakin aweeome and aligned and healthy and brave and real and ohonest and it makes me respect and trust you and feel safe with you so mich. I think you are healing and gettins self respect and self exteem. i dont know where its coming from but that practive is paying off – that is where its coming frmo,,, its like you are really powering up and im feeilng really quietly good and safe and like relaxed atching this. its so cool that th tools and stuff iare really working for you.. yay… we are so progressing sister i will heal and honor myself and be real . yay!!!! you re so gonna start getting what you want now”

Daria, thank you so much! I feel so good reading that! I have done that with him at various times all along. In 2009, it came out as yelling and swearing. So obviously it wasn’t well received.

Then this time around, I had developed communication skills. I had confronted him many times in many ways in the past, actually. But he always denied it, etc. Then most recently, I was giving him the benefit of the doubt that he had changed.

When it became apparent that he hadn’t, I just kept texting him with feeling messages until it broke thru. What is cool is that we have developed so much trust and respect that after we agreed to stay apart for a while, I offered to follow thru on lending him a bunch of Christian music CDs. I had already offered them and he said yes, because music soothes him in his schizophrenia as nothing else.

I feel grateful that because of our established trust and respect that he said yes, and I am going to give him a big container of CDs, and I know it will help him. It just feels cool that we can be so peaceful and harmonious even tho we are apart.

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 9:44am
43: Starla says:

*he has royally f*cked up.

Not “he IS royally f*cked up”

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 9:45am
44: Iamabutterfly says:

I feel really angry at myself. Jack CD was lingering to talk to me and I literally ran away from him the other night.

Then, I bumped into him again, felt really uncomfortable, and couldn’t even communicate how uncomfortable I felt since I was heading out the door when I bumped into him.

For the first time, he was missing at a weekly function with MY church he usually attends. He asked me if I was there and I said “no.”

Then, he told me that he went to a different weekly function, that was closer to where HE goes to church, instead of the one he usually goes to, which is closer to where I go to church.

I feel confused. Has he been going to the ones near my church to be closer to me?

Why did he tell me that?

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 9:46am
45: Femininewoman says:

The Inside Job We Do To Make A Relationship Work With A Man Out There

And Here’s How To “Do” What Works In A Relationship – Even With The Expectations And The Anger:
1. Speak your expectations out loud, or onto paper.

Hear yourself say the words, read what you’re “thinking.”

2. Feel your anger and resentment the moment you hear and read the words that are in your head.

Really allow yourself to feel it all.

3. Now STOP.

This is the place where you usually (if you’re like me and most women) go down the WRONG road.

This is where you start tensing up and feeling confused about what to do, and start bouncing around with ideas – ideas of revenge, of walking away, of angry speeches, of good speeches spoken correctly with my “Feeling Message” Tool about your needs not being met, of wanting to scream with frustration…all kinds of “doings.”

This is where you start to “try” to “figure things out.”

This is where, if you’re alert and are working to be more aware – you’ll notice all the different ways you could “perceive” the situation: “He’s angry, he’s tired, he’s depressed, I did something wrong, we’re not well matched….”

…and as you go through all these possible “meanings” and “perceptions” about what’s going on with him and with you and with the relationship – and all the different feelings you feel and all the different things you want to “do” – you’ll notice what’s operating here: your mind.

You’ll notice that you’re trying to solve the problem in a much more “conscious” way – of looking at all the possibilities instead of just the one road you usually travel down.

http://www.loveromancerelationship.com/the-inside-job-we-do-to-make-a-relationship-work-with-a-man-out-there/

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 9:52am
46: Mochaberri says:

@ FW #19 As always I agree with you that these are not reasons to keep someone around especially if the attraction to commit is on the table. I realize that the level of maturity is very different even if we are the same age and how it screams imaginary relationship especially on his behalf – I want a real relationship and at this time he is not stepping up to offer that.

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 9:53am
47: Siren Angel says:

Iamabutterfly,

‘Has he been going to the ones near my church to be closer to me? ‘

I would think you are assuming… but could be right on. Is there some way you can ask him ‘what he thinks’ of the different functions/churches? And tell him how you feel about them, how you feel there (without getting too much into the ‘spiritual’ but staying close to his heart)? He may state he wants to be where you are…

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 9:55am
48: Femininewoman says:

“These 10 Steps Are Something For You To Do In Your Relationship With YOU That’s A Kind Of “Practice.”
A kind of meditation (though it looks nothing like a traditional meditation.

The idea is for you to get so familiar with not being anywhere and not thinking anything and not doing anything that you start to get COMFORTABLE with it!

The idea is for you to take a NEW road that has no clear-cut examples to follow and feels completely by-the-seat-of-your-pants.

There IS a point to this.

The point is that doing this changes your “normal.”

And when you get a “New Normal” – (more on this Tool is in my Reconnect Your Relationship program) – the man who shows up (even if it’s the man you’ve been with for years) is different.

Your New Normal brings with it Confidence. Peace. Comfort….Happiness”

more from the article

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 9:55am
49: Brenda says:

Starla,

RE: #40 – from Rori’s recent thread article about anger: “There are many ways to work through anger – Byron Katie’s “The Work” is one way – asking yourself if what you’re thinking that’s causing your anger is “true” – and my favorite part of her work – “Who would I be without that thought?” or my version I say to myself – “Who would I be if I wasn’t thinking that thought?”

Another way is to simply embrace whatever it is you’re feeling, encourage it to speak to you, encourage it to feel heard by hearing it, and then simply saying out loud what the voice is saying to you – as the “you” that’s consciously aware of the voice of anger and how it’s talking to you.

“I’m feeling angry at myself. I’m feeling angry at you. It feels like a lump in my heart and hurts right here…””

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 9:58am
50: Siren Angel says:

I intend to clean today.

I intend to cook an osso-bucco today.

I intend to do my yoga practice today.

I love me and all about me because I am a Goddess and I am ‘the One’

I am grateful for the present every step of the way.

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 10:00am
51: Iamabutterfly says:

@46 Siren Angel – Thanks for responding! I may be assuming, but those questions sound perfect. Thanks again!

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 10:01am
52: Mochaberri says:

# 16 and 21 – Siren Angel – Yes I am meeting a new guy this coming Friday. I have an old CD that I’ve been chatting with but the vibe I feel is that he only wants to have sex – I’ve made a new year’s resolution that I’m not going to have sex unless I’m in a committed relationship. I’ve also decided awhile back that I will no longer do recyclables.
KR was granfathered to my NYE’s resolution since we were still working things out. I CD myself and hang out with my friends and enjoy the moment. I’m still struggling with if and how to keep KR around for sex making him my sex CD – I know I know – just be gentle with me on your comments.

I agree that during that time he may step up if he feels that he’s loosing me because I will no longer focus on him and his needs and naturally I will become less available. It is very possible that using these tools I will find someone that I can have a real relationship with and he will have to let me go.

Yor comments are in no way upsetting me – I value all the comments and advice I receive. In fact I feel empowered from the support on this site!!!!!!!!

I very well may be able to turn this around with FM – as I stated before this being friends thing will allow me to be true to myself when communicating with him by being authentic and truthful – I’m no longer worried about his needs being met and putting myself first.

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 10:08am
53: Mochaberri says:

@ WTBH #32 – YES!!! YES!!! and YES!!!!

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 10:09am
54: Siren Angel says:

Iamabutterlfy

Mocha

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 10:15am
55: Siren Angel says:

I don’t know which Siren mentionned the site ‘FlyLady’ on the previous blog thread, but I have just signed up and love the COZI calendar that is included! You can add recipes from the Web, do your grocery list, assign to-dos for all family members and have all the information available on your mobile phone or by text message. It’s awesome!

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 10:17am
56: Lizka says:

Reporting to Team Stop Procrastinating

I have to say that I’m doing pretty good so far. I have do a big part of my todos list and I am really focusing on myself.

I have run my biggest run so far this season and I feel very proud of it even if my time was not so good. I did my workout and now enjoying my smoothie before having a hot ans soothing shower.

The run probably helps a lot with all its endorphins, but I am feeling extremely great right now. Like very strong and very powerful. And this is not related to any man, it’s only because of me.

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 10:23am
57: Starla says:

yay Lizka, i feel so jealous of your day off

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 10:29am
58: Starla says:

FW, thank you for posting those relevant articles:)

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 10:30am
59: Lizka says:

Oh Siren Angel!! I want to try FlyLady too. I went very fast on the site and didn’t explore too much. It sounds fun and I will definitely go see more later!!

Thank you Liz for the suggestion!!!

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 10:34am
60: Starla says:

my close guy friend just started insulting CF to me, saying he doesn’t like him and questioning his manhood. I told him to watch his mouth talking about the only man who has ever treated me decently for longer than a couple of months. I don’t care if it was masculine of me….i feel furious hearing anyone talk sh*t about CF. I’d feel more furious if my friend wasn’t such a generally negative person lately.

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 10:51am
61: Mochaberri says:

((((((((((((((((( I amabutterfly ) )))))))))))))))))))))))))))

I know you posted something to me on the last thread and I will go back and review and responds to you

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 10:56am
62: Daria says:

Anankylanda, my favorite Godddess! Hi!

The goddess of this path

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 11:04am
63: Mochaberri says:

From previous thread

Iamabuttefly #301 – Thank you for your support on my plan on how to “be friends” with KR and focus on me and begin CD’ng. Glad it may be useful to you.

I have to begin trusting more in myself and if I no longer feel comfortable with this I have the power to shift my vibe and change how things are going.

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 11:04am
64: Brenda says:

Kenny called me after I initiated a ten day blackout. Instead of trying to work on our friendship, he just sounded cold, feeling me out to see if I would be warm. I just let him guide the conversation, and there was a lot of silence.

He said, “Ok, just checking to see if you’re all right. I see where this is going. I’ll call you sometime, ok?”

Which in Kenny talk means he will probably call tomorrow. I am really not trying. Just if he wants to be my friend, let him row the boat for once.

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 11:06am
65: Femininewoman says:

You are welcome Starla. Imagine that you have what you want with CF and see how it feels. Rori talks about practicing that in Reconnect to help you change your thermostat level.

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 11:12am
66: Wants To Be Hopeful says:

Mocha #51 & 52

Good for you! And I am so there with you right now in so many ways! I am not happy with the crumbs I am getting and I am working on reinventing myself and my “stories”. Except I can only CD by allowing men to flirt with me at the gym. Which I am FINALLY allowing myself to do. It is really hard because when single men talked/flirted with me in the past, I felt bad because I did not want to lead them on. I am trying to just enjoy it now.

And I am wondering if I can heal my 15 year relationship by changing my vibe, leaning back and changing my FM to something else. Right now, we are both in pain.

Oddly, I am listening to Tony Robbins videos right now for inspiration. I never thought I would see Tony Robbins as inspiring for me. He says Men Burp and Women Dance to Shift their body and release trapped emotions and move into a new story.

I am proud of you Mocha. You go Siren!

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 11:14am
67: Iamabutterfly says:

@61, 63 Mochaberri – Thank you so much! I’ve been feeling really neglected on the blog lately, but I realize that a lot of it has to do with my own neglect of the blog and really…of myself!

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 11:32am
68: Starla says:

i texted CF to let him know I could have time to talk if he helped me get my errands done when I get off work cuz i’m feeling ridiculously busy these days. no response, it’s driving me crazy waiting for his response. How can I feel so dumb or needy when HE’S the one who says “ANY TIME, ANYWHERE, even if it’s at 11 at night and I have to drive down”

It’s like no matter what the guy says, I’ll think i’m not worthy or I’m a bother.

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 11:36am
69: Starla says:

iamabutterfly, i’m sorry you’ve been feeling neglected. i’m not the best at keeping up with everyone all at once. I tend to focus on one or two sirens at a time.

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 11:37am
70: Iamabutterfly says:

@69 Starla – awww, thanks. I totally understand. There are a lot of Sirens here, and honestly, I am the same way. if I didn’t pick and choose, I could lose a lot of time on this blog!

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 11:42am
71: Brenda says:

Iamabutterfly,

I get scared of men, too, sometimes. Far more in my past. One of the very first men I was attracted to was when I was 16.

I was helping my aunt and uncle move, and I spent the day lifting and carrying. I was oblivious to romantic attraction at the time. I had no idea how to connect with a man. I was extremely attracted to one man who was helping, and we joked around as we worked together all day.

He got in the car that I was riding in with a group to take me home. When we got to my house, he got out of the car, left the car door open, and held his arm across to it, completely blocking my path, in an attracted way that said, “I want to say good night to you.”

I freaked out! I had never had a man show me attraction before except once. Except THIS man I felt attracted to!

I darted under his arm and into the house! Then I spent the next month beating myself up, because I SO wanted to see him again! But I never did.

If I knew then what I know now…

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 11:56am
72: Goodheart says:

Radiant Rising – helloooo Apple Jacks! I was posting back when you were. I just recently returned too, to see how everyone was doing.

Hope you are well

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 11:58am
73: Mochaberri says:

@ WTBH #66

Thank you so much for the support!!! I know that you will use all the tools that you have and this blog to change – that’s how I am able not to mention my #1 soure – God. I understand and feel how you both can be in pain – me and KR are also both in pain.

I’m proud of you too for babystepping!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 12:00pm
74: Mochaberri says:

@ Brenda #64 – wow I see you are cd’ing with Kenny. I recall you mentioning him before and I feel so proud of you for being able to set your boundaries with him.

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 12:02pm
75: Daria says:

I started posting when I was one of two bloggers so I started w the concept that I’m posting for me, not for responses.

I feel glad… That feels grounding safe.

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 12:03pm
76: Starla says:

Daria, who was the other blogger?

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 12:10pm
77: Senior Lady Vibe says:

@31: Wants To Be Hopeful

That is exciting information about web communities. I’d like to learn more. If you could give the speaker’s name and link that would be great, if you don’t mind sharing.

I belong to several online “communities” of various types; I joined a new one this month. I’ve let a few drop also.

I’ve noticed that communities often fade when there aren’t many different posters frequently posting. One minute everyone is there with a flurry of posting and then it qets quiet and becomes “vacant” (I hate to say “dies.”)

However there always seems to be activity on the Rori blog. I suspect there are many more sirens reading than those who actually post comments. I’ve haven’t counted how many different people comment on each Rori post but I did make some “guesstimates” last year relative to a dating survey.

Are you webmastering a community/ forum/membership site? I’m very interested.

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 12:17pm
78: Daria says:

Alias Girl

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 12:24pm
79: Daria says:

Then soon after Reshi showed up

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 12:25pm
80: Starla says:

Reshi!!!! i wonder how she is

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 12:27pm
81: Wants To Be Hopeful says:

The speaker was Susan Weinschenk. She is a psychologist who writes and speaks about all sorts of internet stuff. Social communities was only part of her discussion.

These are her books on amazon:
http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=ntt_athr_dp_sr_1?_encoding=UTF8&sort=relevancerank&search-alias=books&ie=UTF8&field-author=Susan%20Weinschenk

She has another book coming out later this year.

This is her site:
http://www.whatmakesthemclick.net/

And yes, I am in the internet biz, but I only know about communities because I need to for my job. I do not administer one or anything like that.

Hope that was helpful.

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 12:30pm
82: Iamabutterfly says:

@71 Brenda – Glad someone can relate, lol. I always want to run away from men when they seem to show interest in me. Okay, actually, I take back the word “always.” I only want to run away when it gets to a certain point, and I feel like I never know when that “certain point” is going to be. Then, he backs off, and I feel “safer” and start feeling normal again, and then he becomes more interested, leans forward, and I proceed to “run away” again. I have no idea how to stop this…

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 12:32pm
83: Daria says:

Iamabutterfly – I feel the same way

I just stop . Breathe. lean as far back as possible till I’m glued to a wall . Look in his eyes and smile if I can.

Let him see me shake.

Open my pelvis.

Feels sooo vulnerable omg.

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 12:36pm
84: Silver Moonbeam says:

I just found out a few hours ago from my other sister (I have 2) that youngest who I met up with last Saturday and seemed so cool and with it doing the dating thing took an overdose this morning.

They have been at the hospital all day, she is home now and is OK, her daughter and the baby jumped the train from London, her other daughter from out of town is there too, they will all 3 stay with her for a few days.

Seemingly she has not been as cool as she pretended and is SO NOT OVER her husband’s death that the interactions from the dating sites have had her ever spiralling downwards into depression………

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 12:36pm
85: Daria says:

It has def started to feel more comfortable over time.

Along with terrifying it also feels fun flirty and powerful

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 12:37pm
86: Starla says:

Silver Moonbeam, I’m really really really sorry to hear about your sister. A deliberate overdose? Or accidental? unfortunately many pharmaceuticals are often accidentally overdosed on.

I am sending her my love.

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 12:39pm
87: Silver Moonbeam says:

Why oh why did I not see this last Saturday when she put on this act of being so cool and together?

She “made” me look at myself and my fear of the dating thing, like well if S can do it and her husband has DIED well then what is holding me back?

But life is never that simple.

I had been having such a great ME ME ME happy happy day until the phone call.

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 12:39pm
88: Daria says:

Oh no silver moon! If she had a site like this for support like we do it would help so much!

I feel powerless sometimes to help people when I think I know what can help… But I don’t trust myself to inspire them. Aww . Me.

Glad she is ok now. Feel kinda mad. Wow I feel moved by this.

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 12:40pm
89: Silver Moonbeam says:

#85 Starla

Deliberate, though not too bad just paracetamol and Co-codamol but bad enough – a cry for help probably, when our other sister V got there she was in bed and had been crying hysterically for HOURS and was surrounded by photo’s of her late husband, sooooo freaking sad.

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 12:43pm
90: Mel says:

Iamabutterfly,

I soooo had this issue (and still do to some degree).

When I feel too “adored” I feel a bit claustrophobic. My thermostat for receiving love and affection is definitely higher now. Just by forcing myself to receive a little more and a little more.

A good FM I ised when Mr. A expressed interest in intimate relations and I was not quite “there”…

“Hmmm…. I feel so flattered and excited and even turned-on at the thought of that possibility. It’s not that I don’t want to… and I certainly feel attracted. But truthfully I also feel a bit of mild panic; it’s just mild though, so that’s promising for you…. I may need to work out a few things first, in order to feel ready. I’m a bit of a complicated girl and when I figure out my feelings around this can we talk about it some more?”

He was super respectful and when I was ready, I gave him the no sex outside of a committed relationship speech (that’s what I figured out was bothering me/holding me back).

Anyway… just be honest and allow yourself to receive more and more love every day!

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 12:44pm
91: Silver Moonbeam says:

#87 Daria

Thank you so much. My sister V said they are going to try and get her some PROPER bereavement counselling as she so obviously has not dealt with his death properly.

I swear to God that EVERY woman on this blog would have LOVED Mark he was such a great and special man she must be grieving him terribly.

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 12:46pm
92: Starla says:

Your poor, poor sister.

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 12:57pm
93: Starla says:

I’m not a doctor and this might not be a popular thing to say here, but marij*ana is far safer than any over the counter or pharmaceutical drug, and far safer than alcohol. it’s never ever ever ever EVER resulted in an overdose death since the beginning of humanity. this would be a safer alternative for her when she feels like she can’t handle sh*t anymore.

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 1:00pm
94: Silver Moonbeam says:

I hear you Starla PERSONALLY I have nothing against mariju*na, her problem was she drank excess alcohol and listened to romantic love songs and looked at old photo’s…………..I’m sure we have all been there………….I know for sure I have……and it can lead us into the pits of despair…………

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 1:10pm
95: April Rose says:

(((((((Silver Moonbeam and your sister)))))))

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 1:13pm
96: Starla says:

omg the alcohol..the alcohol has this magic quality of driving people to do stupid stupid self destructive things while under the influence.

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 1:16pm
97: Lizka says:

Ahhh I’m getting bored of doing my chores!!! Team Stop Procrastinating where are you???

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 1:22pm
98: Lizka says:

((((((((((Silver Moonbeam))))))))))

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 1:23pm
99: Starla says:

Lizka, set a timer for 15 minutes, put on a playlist of a few songs, and goooooo!

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 1:24pm
100: Lizka says:

Starla I already have music, but 15 minutes?! Why?! I have like 2 hours more of cleaning to do

And now I’m at the part of giving a bath to my dog and I know she hates it and I feel so bad for the poor things who is now lying on my knees and doesn’t know what’s coming for her…

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 1:28pm
101: Lizka says:

poor thing*, no S… I was talking about my dog…

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 1:29pm
102: Sassy says:

Silver Moonbeam,
Thoughts, love, hugs and prayers to you, your sister and your entire family. Keep us posted by how she (and you) are doing.
Much love

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 1:30pm
103: Starla says:

15 minutes because it’s a manageable chunk of time. one foot in front of the other to get to 2 hours, 15 minutes at a time. After each chunk of time, take a little break:)

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 1:31pm
104: Butterfly wings says:

83 SMB – I’m so sorry to hear about your sister! How awful!

I hope she gets the help she so obviously needs to heal her heart.

xxx

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 1:32pm
105: Starla says:

one foot in front of the other, 15 minutes at a time. Even if you don’t make it to two hours, you’ll have accomplished more than you would feeling paralyzed and overwhelmed by how much is on your plate. and you’re more likely to actually make it to two hours this way

hope this makes sense.

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 1:33pm
106: Memulo says:

((((((Silver Moonbeam))))))

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 1:40pm
107: Lizka says:

Yeah Starla it makes a lot of sense. Wouldn’t it be better of I do 1 chore than one little break? Every chore is about 15-20 minutes anyway…

AH MY GOD!!!

My dog is so mad at me because I gave her a bath that she just pied on the floor to punish me!! She like NEVER do that and she was looking into my eyes while doing it and not feeling bad at all!!!

Hahaha I just can’t stop laughing!!

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 1:43pm
108: turquoise says:

Silver Moonbeam, I’m so sorry to hear about your sister. Please keep us posted, you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers!!!!

Sirens, I recommended the Flylady site and have been doing it off and on for years. IT keeps me from getting too far behind, and reminds me to love myself and let things go! She really pushes letting go of what you don’t love and simplifying your life. She also wants us to be our best selves. Take care of ourselves. It’s a great site! She has tools too… and books, She does for the home what Rori does for our soul!

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 1:45pm
109: Memulo says:

I did not go thru the blog today really, just wanted to tell SA that I like to cook too and I cook for CD’s no problem. It normally happens at a point in a relationship when we went out at least several times and they treated me to nice meals. I feel it’s perfectly normal to cook for your bfriend if you enjoy it. They normally help me clean up, but overall I do treat them as guests.

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 1:45pm
110: turquoise says:

Lizka,

Flylady recommends working for 15 min. in one room, then 15 in another, and then 15 in another (or go back to the first) and then take a 15 min. break.

She also says never to pull out more than you can put back in 1 hour, as it’s too overwhelming. (like cleaning out a closet)

You are doing great, and I’m laughing about the dog. Mine needs a haircut and a bath tonight, oh joy of owning a stinky little dog!

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 1:48pm
111: mali says:

I broke yesterday when P told me J wasn’t looking for anything with anyone.

I love that I can be vulnerable and human, and that I can allow myself to show myself breaking.

This really inspires me, Rori. Thankyou <3

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 1:50pm
112: Starla says:

lol lizka your dog is cute!

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 1:53pm
113: turquoise says:

The idea of cleaning in rotation is that you can get a lot done in 15 min. and a room will look noticably better. If you clean one room for 45 min. might be spotless, but how does the rest of the house look? She also says not to worry about making it perfect, like vacuuming under furniture, you can do that another time… but when you need to clean up quick, it doesn’t have to be perfect. She says, housework not done perfectly still blesses your home and family.

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 1:54pm
114: Lizka says:

Thank you for advices Turquoise and Starla!

“She also says not to worry about making it perfect”

Yaaaay! I like that todaY!!

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 1:59pm
115: Sassy says:

I do feel broken and like I should be laying in a lump on the floor today. I’m at that age where sometimes (not very often thankfully) I say “is this all there is”? Can I make the decisions, some really tough, painful decisions that need to be made? Or should I just keep denying myself what I truly want so that I don’t hurt anyone else or have to get caught up in a confrontation? Aghhhhh, feels good to vent
Much love

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 2:00pm
116: Starla says:

Perfection stops me from accomplishing even half what I would if I just said f*ck it and did only a so-so job

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 2:02pm
117: Lizka says:

I would usually clean everything very deeply, but today I have so much to do because I’ve been procrastinating for so many weeks on the clean up that I allow myself to not do it perfectly.

Next week I’ll do jjust a few things perfectly. I think I’m actually gonna follow this FlyLady, She seems to have good ideas

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 2:10pm
118: Senior Lady Vibe says:

@90: Silver Moonbeam

Hugs to your sister and all our sisters.

(((sisters)))

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 2:12pm
119: Lizka says:

Ok I deserve a break now!! Been cleaning almost non stop for 3 hours and more… I still have the bathroom sink to clean, my make up table, the vacuum, cleaning the floor (might skip that though since it’s not an emergency…)

*sigh*

But I’ll be so happy when it’s done!

It already looks so much better!!!!

Ok cig time and go back to finish all that!!!!

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 2:13pm
120: Senior Lady Vibe says:

@114: Sassy

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 2:15pm
121: Wants To Be Hopeful says:

SLV 77

I responded to your comment but it went into moderation. This is the author: Susan Weinschenk Google her, and look her up on amazon. She is an internet wiz who speaks regularly to mega website companies. She is not focused on communities, but on all internet things.

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 2:17pm
122: Radiant Rising says:

Hi Goodheart! So great to see you again. I am doing very well, thank you. How have you been?

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 2:21pm
123: Wants To Be Hopeful says:

Silver Moonbeam – So sorry about your sister.

But so glad she is back home now, and that your family knows what is really going on with her now.

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 2:27pm
124: Lizka says:

It’s 5.30 here. I decided I’ll bee cleaning until 6. After that I just can’t. I have no boy energy to do that anymore.

I’ll go to the more sireny things…

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 2:31pm
125: Sensual says:

I feel scared that I’m going to have to settle for a man that I don’t feel really in love with in order to have the kind of relationship I want. I feel scared that when Im involved with a man I really like, that my NVs are always going to get the better of me and stop me from feeling fully confident about myself and about us. I feel like its only when I don’t feel bothered about the guy that he starts to step up. I want to be with someone I feel in love with. I feel jealous of the girls who are in relationships with men they also feel crazy about , like the girl that’s dating scorpion CD. I feel jealous. I feel scared that ,my internal wiring is such that I will only ever feel in love with a man who isn’t into me and I will only feel nothing and shut down when the guy loves me. Really really want to heal NVs and feeling love for a man who gives to me

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 2:49pm
126: Goodheart says:

Radiant, I feel great Such a difference from when I first came here.

I totally love myself!

And it turns out, it’s contagious

Aw, I have often thought of you & Siena & Heartbeat, who really helped me here & who I had a lot of fun with too.

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 2:50pm
127: Senior Lady Vibe says:

@120: Wants To Be Hopeful

Thank you. I’ll look for her!

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 2:50pm
128: Femininewoman says:

Sensual how about saying “I intend to allow chemistry to grow. I intend to open up myself so that as much love and positive energy as possible can flow through me”.

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 2:51pm
129: Sensual says:

Yes FW that’s the plan! I just feel scared about it not happening. But being open is surely the key. I have a date with a good man tonight, I hope the chemistry can grown, I just feel sad because he’s a good man but I don’t feel crazy about him just yet…I wish he were one of the others. But I intend to allow the chemistry to grow!!

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 2:57pm
130: Radiant Rising says:

Aw Goodheart I thought about you and Heartbeat a lot as well! I am unable to give you an email address right now but when I can would you like to do an exchange?

I feel so elated to hear you doing so well! Our paths are similar that way. I am do much better now than I was when I first came, and much better than even two and a half months ago! Life never ceases to amaze.

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 2:59pm
131: Memulo says:

Sensual,

I feel that you might be forgetting the other person in your loving relationship.. the guy who will love you and want to make you feel secure and confident -)

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 2:59pm
132: Ella says:

Flowerchild re 394 from previous post.

I just wanted to respond to this.

His ideas in the book are radical.

What he actually says is that physical detox from alcohol takes about 10 days… and that after that what is left is a psychological craving… not a physical one like with some other drugs.

He quotes research that shows how alcohol addiction is primarly psychological.

He does not advocate ‘will power’ as what he says is that in fact giving up drinking is not us losing something…

I think the whole thing is just a very different approach intended to change the way we think about this.

He says how there is no such disease as herionism or cocainism… so therefore why is there this disease called alcoholism. Surely the person is just addicted to drink and that can be changed.

He does agree that many lives are lost to alcohol and his approach is about making it less impossible to think about stopping drinking.

Its hard to explain unless you read the full book.

I am not sure as yet as so far I am only half way through.

What you have been through sounds absolutely terrible. I cannot imagine how it must have felt.

I feel very afraid and triggered too reading your posts and other horrific stories about alcohol addiction.

xoxox

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 2:59pm
133: Butterfly wings says:

95 Starla – I know of people who smoked pot who went on to ruin theirs and others lives too.

I think excess of ANYTHING whether it’s drugs or alcohol is destructive. I’ve seen examples of both – the only difference here is that only alcohol is legal so more people have access to it.

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 3:02pm
134: Femininewoman says:

I find this so funny. A cd who dropped off the planet with no contact for about 5 months reappeared about 3 weeks ago.

Him: hello again i noticed a newer clearer picture of you here versu sharing with me fist.
desole you went thst route. how have you been? lost your number, thus your name as well. Sorry

Me: hhhmmm quel dommage

Him: not necessarily.you could do over by giving name and number again

I got this just now.

Him: went through my old address book and think i founnd you, are you A or r or V? really apolsas i did not make a note of anyone handle name of my older phone, I still went looking as to rekindle if at all still possible

Me: That’s cute you sweet man. I feel pleased by the effort you made.
A

He had promised to call when he made first contact. Took several days to call for one minute. Then went into texting around the time of the last hurricane that passed through. He is good looking but I am not sure I even want to interact with him.

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 3:05pm
135: Starla says:

lol, i know people who ruined their lives and other people’s lives with video games. my ex is a great example.

every scientific study has concluded that m*rijuana is far safer than alcohol, nicotine, caffeine, and even peanuts.

BUT, actually, people do have better access to alcohol, EXCEPT children, who have a much easier time finding pot. Drug dealers don’t ask for ID;)

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 3:07pm
136: Femininewoman says:

Now he came back with two messages. One to clarify my number and the second

that is cOrrect A the ———— from , speaks a little french and very cachotiere aout sharing her pics with her new friend, thanks for cpnfirming i dod reach out to r and v to major embarassment. v did not think i was sweet, was actuallt disappointed. go figure. r was the oe i had purposely blocked for intimate encouter approach/ thought i shared more

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 3:08pm
137: Femininewoman says:

BW and Starla I grew up in a place where I saw how it ruined lives. I am not sure that the actual use did that though at times I believed it fried some of my friends brains. But there were others who it seemed to influence their behaviors that caused havoc in the society. Any it has been proven to have good medical value.

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 3:13pm
138: Starla says:

Now that I’m checking in with myself, I don’t feel comfortable debating this here on the blog. FB me for a rousing debate, but only if you feel up to it:) Forgive me for starting the topic, but millions of people die every year from pills and alcohol, even when used as directed, but not one single person has ever died from an mj overdose. Anyway, FB me if you’re interested in continuing discussion, and if not, no big deal:)

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 3:18pm
139: Femininewoman says:

Sensual notice where the fear is lodged in your body. Mine tend to be in my stomach. Put your hand on the body part and talk to it. Send love and compassion from yourself and your heart to it. I have also practiced saying “even though I feel all this fear, I am open to releasing it out of my body”. Then I drop my thoughts to my pelvis and visualize my vagina opening and the fear either dropping or floating out of it. This has helped tremendously to calm me down. I also say I deeply and profoudly love and accept myself. These things I learned from Rori’s Reconnect program.

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 3:19pm
140: Memulo says:

FW,

he sounds funny and sophisticated-) What do you have to loose if you respond? Maybe not right away if you don’t feel too eager, but why not? Just to see what happens, another one in your rotation

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 3:19pm
141: Femininewoman says:

Memulo I responded with a smiley face. He already did his process of elimination by checking with the other two. So he has me tagged and now the ball is in his court. Last time we communicated he came across a bit aloof. The kind of man who gives to impression that he can take it or leave it.

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 3:23pm
142: Memulo says:

Now I am thinking – perhaps it was too much to tell him ‘it feels so good to hear from you’?? Too eager?

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 3:24pm
143: Femininewoman says:

Memulo I also still have his number. Had totally forgotten about it because I was not about to call him.

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 3:24pm
144: Turquoise says:

Hi Sirens,

I don’t know what happened to my wonderful mood from this morning…. but now I’m feeling this urgent need to have a talk with my ex and see if he’s feeling any of what I’m feeling, or if I’m being a big fool. I now feel filled with dread, because most of the time, if you feel the need to ask, it’s because they aren’t feeling it. If they aren’t persuing you…. aren’t being attentive, asking to spend time with you….

Which he is not. He did a wonderful thing buying us the house, but maybe it has nothing to do with being in a romatic relationship with me.

I feel like my vibe about us, just totally died. If I ask him now, I’m sure he’ll feel my deadness. Nothing happened, I didn’t talk to him yesterday….. but I just feel completely awful, that I’m in this imaginary relationship all by myself, and he’s enjoying his time with me, til he meets someone else.

I don’t know where the heck this came from, but it feels really true.

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 3:24pm
145: Goodheart says:

Radiant, absolutely! I would love that

I feel so happy that you are doing so well. And I can’t wait to hear about it – yes, I am constantly amazed at how magical this world can be

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 3:24pm
146: Femininewoman says:

No Memulo. It is actually one of the feeling messages Rori uses in Reconnect. Also if that is how you authentically feel in the moment, why not. Who cares if he thinks you were too eager anyway.

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 3:26pm
147: Turquoise says:

Oh, and my mom is having heart problems again…. she probably needs another stint, think this will be the 4th. And that feels really scary to me.

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 3:26pm
148: Memulo says:

FW, I would still not call, let him do the calling. But to respond to his messages – probably I would. You don’t really know him.. who knows what happened during the hurricane.. many people had their homes damaged. Or even if not – you’ve never met, the biggest mistake you can do is to spend another half hour messaging him. He does sound entertaining though, so perhaps not all 30 mins will be lost

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 3:27pm
149: Femininewoman says:

It might be true Turquoise but things can change in an instant.

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 3:27pm
150: Femininewoman says:

Turquoise it is doubt kicking in and it is fabulous. Also your amazing body is showing you how powerful you are. Your ex is one of the very few people who can trigger these powerful emotions in you. Relish in them while they last. As Rori suggests in Reconnect, it seems that your tendency might be towards anxiety and you are learning how you work.

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 3:30pm
151: Radiant Rising says:

Goodheart, YAY! I will conjure up an account so we can exchange. How lovely, I am so happy to see you again!

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 3:30pm
152: Femininewoman says:

Memulo when he asked aboout mynumber I sent a smiley face. Then I logged off the site. No chance of chatting too long.

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 3:31pm
153: Femininewoman says:

By the way Turq those sound like your NVs. You know what to do with them.

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 3:34pm
154: Lizka says:

Ok that’s too weird…

After I wrote on the Facebook wall on the guy who died to send my sympathies and thoughts to his family, one of his friends (a cousin) added me on Facebook. I thought I knew him (or maybe I do?) so I accepter the request. We were all from a small village and everyone know each other…

And now he started chatting with me and acting like we don’t know each other (so maybe we don’t? I’m a little lost), and he starts flirting with me asking if I’m gonna be at the funerals and asking me if I have a boyfriend and why not and now saying I am really pretty.

Seriously I feel a little bit shocked… is he using the death of his cousin to flirt with me?! Wow… I don’t feel comfortable at all…

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 3:41pm
155: Lizka says:

I feel disgusted…

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 3:44pm
156: Butterfly wings says:

Crappy start to my morning. TH didn’t come home so I was already feeling low about that then I fell down some stairs on my way to work. Pic of my damaged leg is on my FB profile. Will post it on siren island soon – I did a great job!

People at work were fussing all over me too. I felt a bit like a cactus, really uncomfortable. Not good.

TH brought me food but I’d already eaten. And now he’s asked me what’s wrong. Here’s what I said:

“I’m just feeling worried. I was thinking back to all the times that you used to bitch about MW, saying that if she wanted to be with (her husband) so much, then why the hell was she going out drinking 3 times a week without him?”

No reply. I think he’s in a meeting anyway.

I’m not sure if I was very sireny, but what I want to get across that I’m all for him having his boy time, as long as its not 3 times a week cos I’m starting to get a complex!!

I also want to suggest that maybe I underestimated how much freedom he actually craves. If he wants to live the life of a single guy then that’s fine – but it means I’m living the life of a single girl too. In other words, I don’t want an exclusive relationship with a guy who wants to live like he’s single. I will start dating if that is the life he wants.

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 3:54pm
157: Goodheart says:

Radiant – double YAY! I am happy to see you too

I am off for the night – will check back tomorrow. I hope your night is lovely

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 3:55pm
158: Lizka says:

Today in Russia it’s Defender of the Fatherland Day…

“Officially called the “Defender of the Fatherland” holiday (like Veteran’s Day), February 23 is more commonly referred to as “Men’s Day” in Russia, Ukraine and Belarus.

Historically, the date marks a mass draft that occurred in Petrograd and Moscow in 1918 during the Russian Civil War. During the Soviet era, the day was known as “Red Army Day”. Now, the date is more of a celebration of men in general and acts as a counterpart to the “International Women’s Day” that occurs on March 8.

Men’s Day is a special day when women give small gifts to the men in their lives, especially husbands, boyfriends, fathers, sons, and even co-workers. It is a day when all Russian women celebrate the special men in their lives.”

Talk about overfunctionning…

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 3:57pm
159: Starla says:

I am going to meet CF in half an hour, though I feel stressed wondering if I’ll actually get out of work on time.

I feel ready to melt.

My friend talking sh*t about CF kinda snapped me out of my “hate”

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 3:58pm
160: Barnett says:

Thank you so much for sharing this site. Also its a bit funny how I elephantjorunal charges for its content.

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 3:59pm
161: Turquoise says:

I just read a good post on FB

Your beliefs don’t make you a better person, your behavior does. I like that.

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 4:05pm
162: Butterfly wings says:

Crappy start to my morning. TH didn’t come home so I was already feeling low about that then I fell down some stairs on my way to work. Pic of my damaged leg is on my FB profile. Will post it on siren island soon – I did a great job!

People at work were fussing all over me too. I felt a bit like a cactus, really uncomfortable. Not good.

TH brought me food but I’d already eaten. And now he’s asked me what’s wrong. Here’s what I said:

“I’m just feeling worried. I was thinking back to all the times that you used to b*tch about MW, saying that if she wanted to be with (her husband) so much, then why was she going out drinking 3 times a week without him?”

No reply. I think he’s in a meeting anyway.

I’m not sure if I was very sireny, but what I want to get across that I’m all for him having his boy time, as long as its not 3 times a week cos I’m starting to get a complex!!

I also want to suggest that maybe I underestimated how much freedom he actually craves. If he wants to live the life of a single guy then that’s fine – but it means I’m living the life of a single girl too. In other words, I don’t want an exclusive relationship with a guy who wants to live like he’s single. I will start dating if that is the life he wants.

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 4:07pm
163: Starla says:

i actually texted cf that i would need food in my belly to offer rational thought and a fair ear. he said he’d take care of it. then i said “ok. and. i want to be greeted with a ginormous hug.”

can’t wait:)

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 4:10pm
164: Turquoise says:

Turquoise it is doubt kicking in and it is fabulous. Also your amazing body is showing you how powerful you are. Your ex is one of the very few people who can trigger these powerful emotions in you. Relish in them while they last. As Rori suggests in Reconnect, it seems that your tendency might be towards anxiety and you are learning how you work.

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 3:30pm

FW, I don’t have reconnect yet, so I’m going to need you to explain this. Like line by line. Why is my doubt fabulous? How does this show I’m powerful? Why do I want to relish in these awful feelings? And if my tendency is towards anxiety… what do I do with that? Please help, I don’t get what you are saying.

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 4:10pm
165: Luzydel says:

This is what I’ve been doing…(just doing nothing and sink in)…what I have is the present. I’m done with the “obsession” of meeting someone, or getting a commitment from someone; I have me. And this may sound closed off or self centered, but it isn’t. I am just living what I have in my presence. Moving at my own pace. If by any chance on my road trip to life, I meet a man who wants to hop along he is welcome; but I am not turning around and taking short cuts for a a man anymore. I am open for a relationship, if it happens.

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 4:11pm
166: Starla says:

awww BW your wound looks terribly sharp and painful, so sorry for your lousy start of the day!

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 4:12pm
167: Turquoise says:

Oh BW, what a day. I’m glad you are ok, falls can be scary!

Hugs!

Starla, good luck, keep us posted on what he has to say. Hugs to you too!

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 4:16pm
168: Aurora Girl says:

(((((BW))))

(((((Silver Moonbeam))))))

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 4:20pm
169: Starla says:

GRRRR, they did just ask me to stay late! i get off in 10 minutes and CF is outside waiting for me, he drove an hour to get here, and now he has to wait another hour in the car for me! i hope he finds something to do. he said his phone is dying so he can’t exactly stray.

i’m hungry and upset:(

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 4:20pm
170: Starla says:

it is so not cool to wait until 10 minutes till i get off of work to tell me i will need to stay late. they knew about this deadline and they could have given me more notice, like even an hour. i told them my ride drove an hour to see me and is waiting outside, and they don’t care.

really inconsiderate of them.

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 4:23pm
171: Butterfly wings says:

Yuk Starla. I’d be feeling really angry right now. Some people just don’t care.

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 4:30pm
172: Butterfly wings says:

Thanks people. Although reading about SMB’s situation really puts it in perspective. I’ll be ok once this next challenge is over – and my leg stops throbbing!

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 4:32pm
173: Butterfly wings says:

TH has messaged me a few times but I’m not sure he’s getting what I’m trying to say. I did say though that I don’t want to be with somebody who would rather be living the single life.

This wouldn’t be so bad if he wasn’t going on and on about how bad MW’s actions were when she was going out without her husband several times a week. He’s doing the exact same thing!! So does he feel the same way he assumed she felt?? Yuk.

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 4:36pm
174: April Rose says:

I’ve been feeling new feelings and I was labelling them as unpleasant and fearful, but then I asked myself if I was doing that because the emotions are not of a flavour that is familiar to me.
So, I dropped the labels. I think fear was present as a habit, but these feelings are new so I am no longer trying to identify them.

I didn’t expect to have unexpected/unknown sensations of dark shapes whirling in my tummy. They arise after I have been in the company of a particular man.

I now feel excited about the experience. And I feel something in me is ‘stretched’ and deepened.

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 4:36pm
175: Femininewoman says:

Your doubt helps you to take off the rose colored glasses and ask yourself the hard questions. It gets you beyond the chemistry and into the real feelings of what is taking place. It gets you to look at your values and his qualities and what you really want in a relationship or if you want a relationship with him.

Being able to feel all these emotions is powerful. Your emotions are your power. They help you to navigate through the world. The fact that you can feel them is your power. As Rori says, the awful feelings is where the gold is because all your feelings are in the soup. If you can’t get to anger and guilt, you can’t get to giggles and happiness. So you want to go down into the soup and feel your emotions. She says being on an even keel all the time is a way to pour cold water on a man’s interest in you. You want to be able to feel your emotions, know what you feel and expect a man to cherish those emotions. A man want to be with a woman who can feel.

She says anxiety and depression are the lids we put on our emotions where we either stuff them down or have to do something urgent. As in call him or text. We do that because we are afraid of the icky feelings. She says these feelings are your friends. What we want to do is to get to know these feelings, feel these feelings, know how we work so we can share it with a man without making him responsible or be on the receiving end of blame as a result of unresolved emotions. We must expect him to cherish our emotions.

Hope I summarized it okay.

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 4:39pm
176: Femininewoman says:

April Rose. Wow. You seemed to have experiened a shift.

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 4:40pm
177: Starla says:

BW, I was just thinking…what if you took a break from messaging him about negative feelings? i hope you odn’t mind me saying this, but it feels like a lot of tiring drama all the time in the emails

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 4:42pm
178: Turquoise says:

BW,

This woman you are talking about is the one he was interested in right? I don’t want this to make you feel uncomfortable… but maybe him saying that about her made him feel better, like he had a chance. She couldn’t possibly be happy in her relationship if she was going out… which made him feel like there might be an opportunity for him?

I wouldn’t like it if the guy I was with wanted to go out three times a week either. If it was a rare occassion, and that one week was special for some reason, then sure. Ok. But if this is his norm, I can understand why you feel the way you do.

I guess the question is, do his words matter more than his actions? If he says the right things that make you feel better tonight, will you feel ok to stay in a committed relationship with him, or will he have to prove it to you with his actions?

If it’s his actions you are after, then I think what you did was great. You expressed your dislike for his actions, and if he wants to be exclusive with you, then he’ll need to change his behavior. Until he proves that to you, I don’t believe you’ll feel much better, no matter what he says.

You do a good job expressing your boundaries with him, and it sounded like you were happy about the facebook thing…. but I’m getting the feeling you have a lot of doubts about him. Are you sure he is what you want?

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 4:43pm
179: Femininewoman says:

Sorry BW. I am starting to feel worried that you might be the type who becomes sick or hurt yourself as a way of dealing with your emotions.

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 4:44pm
180: Sensual says:

@173 but anxiety feels like its own feeling, are you saying that you can focus and go deeper than the anxiety and uncover a different feeling that is really lying beneath it? Wow

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 4:46pm
181: Femininewoman says:

With men actions usually speak louder than words. Men are about doing. I try to pay more attention to the actions. Men will say anything they need to say to get what they want is what I have experienced. They will even cry or go down on their knees and beg. One of my beliefs has been that men have no shame as a result of this type of behavior that I have seen. They are not inhibited even by their own words when they are determined and driven.

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 4:49pm
182: April Rose says:

Yes, FW, and I noticed something about myself. That I am quick to judge my emotion and try to push it away.

Now I have seen for myself that I much prefer to enter into it and experience emotion and the treasures that reveal themselves when I sink in.

So, now I intend to calmly ask Judgement to step aside and let me Feel!

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 4:49pm
183: Femininewoman says:

Yes Sensual. As a matter of fact on Reconnect she says anxiety and depression are non-feelings. Anger, fear and guilt are the feelings. She says most of us have deep seated rage and we use anxiety and depression as lids to cover these. One reason is because we are afraid of hurting others.

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 4:51pm
184: Femininewoman says:

April Rose YES YES. That is where I am and even though it feels scary to me at times I can actually smile at myself now. Terror has been one of my biggest feelings. Even today as I was listening on Reconnect and Rori was encouraging us to go deep into your pelvis I could feel the fear in my stomach. And though I can go down into the pelvis a little better now I still clamp up when I sink in and have to consciously relax.

I just can’t wrap my head around why we are so fearful of our emotions.

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 4:54pm
185: Femininewoman says:

Or maybe I should say that having the feeling of control is so familiar and more comfortable than relaxing and going deep down to really feel, that it actually feels like falling into a dark abyss head first at lightning speed when I try to feel. It is frightening.

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 4:56pm
186: Turquoise says:

Thanks FW, I’m going to keep reading that over and over until it makes sense and sinks in with me. I feel kinda cloudy right now… like I don’t really know what I’m feeling.

I do know there is a lot more there than just chemistry. I fell in love with him 18 years ago…. and loved him for most of that time. It’s not just about how he looks or the passion we share, or even his pheremones… I know that for sure.

I’ve forgiven all the bad stuff. I truely believe that I did that about 2 years ago. When my sister was dying, it put so many things into perspective in my life, I knew myself better, felt clearer, and he was there for me when I needed him.

I feel scared that he doesn’t feel the same way. That he feels guilty for not loving me enough to stay with me and the girls, and that his guilt has encouraged a lot of the nice things he’s done for us.

But there is an angry part of him that I don’t like. It can be scary sometimes…. and now I’m reminded of it, wish I could help him heal that part of himself, but I don’t know that I can. I do wonder though, if it’s something I could learn to live with, like Asley’s wife. If I knew what would set him off, avoided that behavior, and reacted differently to it. Which, instead of letting it trigger me into being upset and shouting back, I could simply feel my feelings and share them, and take a step back until he calms down. He always apologizes, he always regrets getting so upset. I believe he’d like to change that side of him…. but I don’t know if he’s working on it.

He’s a good person. He’d do anything for anyone, can share his emotions, and we’ve always been there for each other, always. I love that history.

I guess part of it is that it is soooo hard to imagine there really being someone else out there for me that I’d love more. Or that I could even love differently, but as strongly.

It seems impossible to really accept the idea that we won’t get back together. I don’t know what to do or say about all this…. but I’m not saying anything now, while I’m in the soup. I know that wouldn’t go well.

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 4:59pm
187: April Rose says:

A very Wise Being on this Earth, who I have had the great fortune to work closely with for several years, has pointed out to me many times that Fear is misunderstood!

Fear, for a grown-up person who is not in any physical danger, is a sign that we need to move TOWARDS and INTO what we are afraid of – our feelings!

Yet we automatically move away from where Fear is pointing us towards!! That is the sad little twist!

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 5:01pm
188: April Rose says:

FW,
I feel very excited reading your words about falling headlong at great speed into an abyss.

If I don’t create the bottom, I won’t crash.

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 5:04pm
189: Turquoise says:

Ok, so my anxiety covers up my fear. My fear that he doesn’t/won’t/can’t love me. That I am unloveable. That I’ll never really be loved like other women are. I’m afraid it will never be better than what it is now. Which is just a mix of moments: words, feelings, touching, listening…. but moments… and that won’t be enough.

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 5:06pm
190: Femininewoman says:

Turquoise what I have learned from Dominique is to bring it back to myself because what I am seeing in him is a reflection is what is in me. Where in yourself are you angry? What are you angry at/about? These are questions to ask yourself. Think of him as your mirrror to bring it back to yourself. Focussing on him/his behavior is a way to keep yourself from focussing on your own stuff that needs healing.

I sincerely believe it would be worth your while the invest in Reconnect. Plus you have a 30 day return grace period.

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 5:07pm
191: Lizka says:

Ah Wow I’m feeling exhausted after a day of thinking of me only and running 10K and cleaning for 4 or 5 hours!! Ouuuf!!

I just got in my fresh bed with my clean dog and about to read for a few minutes and go sleep early.

I really almost haven’t think of ATW or anyone else today and I hope I can do that over and over again, like every day.

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 5:09pm
192: Femininewoman says:

Rori talks about Robert Frost who said “the best way out is through”.

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 5:10pm
193: Sassy says:

Now I know it’s not a full moon out tonight, but we all sure seem to be experiencing our fair share of issues!
Group hug sirens (((((((((All sirens)))))))))
Much love

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 5:10pm
194: Femininewoman says:

Look at Rori’s words in the article above.

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 5:10pm
195: Butterfly wings says:

176 Starla – He gets LOTS of good stuff from me too. And I pick and choose the negatives (and there are a lot, but not dealbreakers) before I say anything specific.

177 Turquoise – Yep and I totally agree that it could have been why he said it. I suppose in a way I’m trying to get him to see that. Manipulative huh?? :-\

But I don’t want to be with a guy who regularly goes out with the boys three times a week. I also pointed out that he’ll probably be doing lunch with the boys today (I can’t remember the last time we had lunch), and then most likely drinks tonight. He didn’t deny either – tried to change the subject. I dropped it. I think I made my point.

His actions are most important, and that’s why I’m beginning to doubt his words from last Friday. I just said that to him too.

It’s the good stuff I want. Things were going great for so long and now we’re back into the drama. I hate it…

178 FW – I really don’t think so. I feel more embarrassed about the attention I’m getting at work more than anything else. And a year ago I was getting sick a lot, but back then I was really letting it get me down. Right now I feel sad, but I know that with him or without him I’m perfectly fine. I told him I don’t want him to feel trapped. And I really don’t. But if being with me is going to make him feel that way, then I think he’s better off going to live the single life. That’s up to him to decide of course, but it’s how I feel. I really don’t want to be with someone who acts single. Yuk. I’m too old for that rubbish.

He has replied to say that just because he’s been out with the boys doesn’t mean what I’m thinking and that he was just hanging out with friends and needs to do that sometimes..

Yes, that is perfectly acceptable. But three times a week when you’re supposed to be in an exclusive relationship? I’m sorry but I don’t want that for myself. So if that’s what he wants to do, then I’m going to get out there and meet more people (most of my problem is a huge lack of female friends, most of which were all lost when both marriages broke down and close friends moved away, and now I’m working in a male-dominated environment) and plan more time away from him.

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 5:13pm
196: Femininewoman says:

BW the comparisons you make, kind of suggest that you are trying to compete with his friends for his time and attention.

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 5:23pm
197: Butterfly wings says:

FW – I just want to feel like I mean the world to someone. I don’t feel that way with him.

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 5:32pm
198: Femininewoman says:

Well then BW you should be asking yourself “why am I here/there?”

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 5:34pm
199: Butterfly wings says:

Well I’ve made plans for tonight. I’m going out with some people I used to work with.

Monday is tentatively booked with a girlfriend.

Wednesday I’m attending an event with a friend and her BF.

Next Friday I’ve got farewell drinks for a guy I used to work with.

He’s just messaged to say I am overreacting.

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 5:36pm
200: Turquoise says:

FW, I get what you are saying, and yeah, I get angry sometimes….. but his anger isn’t about me and I’m not bringing it up because I am worried about it in myself. I do lose my patience with the girls too often. I do yell, and I don’t like that. I want to change that and I have been doing a lot better since we moved. Everyone having more space, has helped tremendously. We aren’t all on top of each other. They have their own rooms… I have a beautiful bathroom to escape to when I’m stressed. He has had some major blowups in his life. He has had road rage. He can get completely enraged over what I think is something small. I don’t see it to that degree anymore, and rarely directed at me, but I do worry about it. I guess the reason I’m bringing it up now…. is that I am afraid I bring that out of him, and wouldn’t want him to go back to being like that if we got back together. I’m afraid he associates that bad behavoir with being with me.

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 5:39pm
201: Turquoise says:

Butterfly Wings,

Do you want to be out that much? Are you going out because it’s what you want, or because he’s choosing that? If it’s just to “show him” that you can do it too… will it feel bad to you to not have down time to rest and relax? I’m sorry, I don’t remember for sure, but I thought you had a daughter?

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 5:42pm
202: Femininewoman says:

Yeah Truq but remember too that anger is sexy. Nobody can get you really angry like the one you love. The key is in figuring out how to simply state “I feel angry” without the vibe that pushes men away. Just stating it without the yelling and setting a boundary that you don’t want to be spoken to that way will help. Let him know you want to hear when he is angry without feeling attacked might be helpful. Someone who has the program Toxic Men might be able to help with that.

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 5:44pm
203: Femininewoman says:

Men tend to think we overreact because what they see as something small is usually not small to us.

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 5:46pm
204: Brenda says:

(((Silver Moonbeam))),

Sorry to hear about your sister. I feel all the more determined to stay in touch with my feelings so they don’t end up leading me to do anything like that. Thank God she is still alive.

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 5:53pm
205: Brenda says:

FW,

RE: #201 – That sure is the truth. I am SO sensitive when it comes to men and what they do and don’t do.

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 5:56pm
206: tenny says:

All of these feelings I have are in my head, throbbing at my temples like a growing swelling fever. I am in pieces, indeed

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 5:57pm
207: Sun Goddess says:

I am really craving a coca cola right now. I haven’t had one in about two weeks.

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 5:59pm
208: Brenda says:

(((BW))),

RE: #193 – I wish I could go out with you! I agree that three times a week out with his friends is a lot. I would feel the same way in your position. He sounds like he still has some growing up to do.

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 6:00pm
209: Brenda says:

(((Sassy))),

Thanks! Right back atcha!

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 6:05pm
210: Memulo says:

I feel officially played with -)

No contact from him today at all.. didn’t expect it. Doesn’t feel good. Time to go back to CD’ing

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 6:14pm
211: Butterfly wings says:

He’s just offered to get me some lunch so I don’t have to walk with my injured leg. I said thank you.

He still doesn’t get the issue with the frequency. I totally trust him (he questioned that) and I’m totally ok with him going out. Just not all of the time! I feel totally unwanted when he does that.

So I’ve decided not to go out tonight now. He is coming home with me so at least we can talk.

Next Tuesday my eldest comes home. She’s a very mature 14 year old and on Friday I’ll have my parents looking after her and my youngest. Wednesday won’t be late either – only 9pm.

I do try to be home as much as possible when my girls are home though so it might be April before I can really get into something to get me out if the house.

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 6:14pm
212: Memulo says:

I feel that this is my curse almost-) Why do I swallow all this so easily, why don’t I pay attention? Why is it ok to leave me a vague VM after a night together, promise to call the next day, not be in touch for 3 days, text some blah blah stuff and still get a nice loving response from me?

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 6:17pm
213: Femininewoman says:

BW you have to take responsibility and figure out what you need to do to take care of those unwanted feelings.

“Just not all of the time” What do you consider all the time?

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 6:21pm
214: Femininewoman says:

Memulo it seems like you are in your head.

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 6:23pm
215: Memulo says:

FW,

I know you want me to trust, but how can I trust if I gave him a specific timing to call, 24 hours ago and I haven’t heard back since? Even if someone is soooo extremely busy on their beautiful resort on the Caribbean I believe they have time to text sorry I can’t make it? Hope you’re doing great? I don’t have the patience for this, it makes me feel betrayed

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 6:28pm
216: Memulo says:

Does everyone withdraw after sex? Are there any exceptions? Or do they all meet someone else, in the next few days..

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 6:32pm
217: Memulo says:

I don’t want to feel that I need to stand up for myself after sex, I don’t want sex to mean that I will be attacked with indifference and humiliation. I want it to mean that someone makes love to me because they want to fall for me

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 6:38pm
218: FlowerChild77 says:

Ella..I haven’t read any posts past your #131. I’ve been thinking of you ever since I posted about that book. I should have deleted the whole thing…or better yet, never started typing.

I owe you an apology. For obvious reasons, the whole subject triggers me, terribly–and it’s my stuff, I know.

You are on your own journey here. You are doing such a great job of learning to trust your instincts and making decisions from that place. I admire that.

I’m sorry I reacted the way I did. I meant no harm; I just freaked out about stuff I couldn’t face, at one time, in my own life. I hope you accept my apology.

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 6:39pm
219: Sun Goddess says:

I did it finally. I wrote down the things I dislike about being with LP and beside them I wrote how they make me feel. It was kind of eye opening. And, most of them revolved around me feeling unappreciated/unimportant to him. If I could become more confident and cared a lot less than I do what others think than I think our relationship would be much much better. Not sure how to get to that place. This answering POF emails is already annoying to me, so real CDing seems far off for me. Any suggestions ?

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 6:52pm
220: Turquoise says:

So FW, are you saying I can be sexy with my anger? Or that I’m attracted to him because he’s sexy….

lol, I don’t know what I’m doing. I still have a lot to learn. I would really like to get Reconnect, I have to wait about a week though til I can get it. I agree it would be a good investment for me.

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 7:07pm
221: Butterfly wings says:

I’m learning a lot from Reconnect Turquoise. I’ve got to listen to it all again though. Well worth it. xx

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 7:10pm
222: Memulo says:

Turquoise,

I thought that whatever you did, the way you took his good or bad behavior was pretty much perfect.

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 7:29pm
223: Memulo says:

BW,

Are you learning not to get angry, but still express your feelings and wants and don’t wants? Is that it?

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 7:30pm
224: Butterfly wings says:

Turquoise – TH has a “moodiness” issue. It’s nothing to do with me personally and how I choose to react makes a huge difference. I know moodiness is nothing like anger but the results can be similar depending on how you react, as I think you’ve already realized.

I do think there’s hope for you two.

xx

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 7:32pm
225: Butterfly wings says:

Memulo – I am wanting to look at things properly and work out if it’s really anger I’m feeling or if it’s something else like fear, worry, insecurity, sadness or disappointment instead.

By taking the time to do this I’m finding it’s easier to work out the true emotion I’m feeling instead of automatically jumping to anger.

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 7:35pm
226: Brenda says:

(((Memulo))),

I don’t have anything helpful to offer you. I have felt the same pain, and I feel sad with you.

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 7:35pm
227: Butterfly wings says:

TH has brought me both breakfast and lunch today. I’ve already said thank you but will come up with a good fm to express how good it feels that he cared enough to do that for me.

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 7:36pm
228: Brenda says:

I feel confused on the blog lately. A lot of people have changed their names all at once, and I feel disoriented. I just can’t keep it all straight. It’s so hard to begin with since in many cases I don’t have a photo to attach to the face, plus many names are similar. For example:

Silver in two names
Goddess in several names
Siren in several names
Elle, Ella in several names
Lilly in several names

I feel like the only way I could keep it all straight is if I made it a study and a full time job.

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 7:38pm
229: Butterfly wings says:

I’ve always struggled to express my wants and don’t wants. TH is teaching me a lot about why I need to do this more.

I just felt this rush of love for him. Weird. I love him and want us to get to a place where we can both feel happy. I’m not sure how to get there though. I might ask for his advice about that tonight. I just want him to hug me.

Stupid hormones!!!

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 7:40pm
230: Brenda says:

BW,

That’s nice that he did that. I can’t even imagine how it would feel for a man to do something like that for me. I feel weary of being alone. Too many long distance relationships with men for too many years.

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 7:41pm
231: LiliBee says:

14:

Hi SA,

He’s making the risotto. So to me that’s not overfunctioning bc you’re both making dinner together.
D always loved to be in the kitchen cooking together. We both loved the teamwork, it was a wonderful feeling.
Ahhhh, I miss that about him.

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 7:44pm
232: LiliBee says:

229:

I’m giving you a big pat on the back BW!

That’s the way to go…Seeing what he’s triggering you into learning for yourself.
He’s triggering your communication skills right out of you.
That’s what keeps me happy after breakup: Seeing what he’s triggered me to learn and triggered in me to breakout of my shell.
It’s amazing how seeing it that way makes me feel so proud and happy
It’s keeping me in a great vibe. That happy vibe is attracting alot of people to me, which is totally different for me…even without a man in my life.

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 7:48pm
233: Butterfly wings says:

Yeah it was a nice thing for him to do Brenda and I’m not used to it either! I do need to show more appreciation for the good stuff.

You will have all of that Brenda – look how much you’ve healed! And glad things are ok with K. See how sticking to your boundaries works?

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 7:56pm
234: LiliBee says:

OMG, W cd is going on my dream vacation, with all the activities I adore doing!
I would soooo love to go w him.
When he was describing it, I was expressing my feelings with “ohhh wooowww, that would feel aaawwesome ” with my whole face lit up and my eyes all sparkly.
He wasn’t comitted to going yet, but I said “oh, please go so you can come back and tell me about it. That vacation feels like such an amazing wonderful dream.”

Wow, I feel so connected to myself and my feelings now.
I’m sure that in my pre-Rori days, I would have been all in my head just asking questions and saying judgmental comments, evaluating.

His vibe changed from being skeptical about the plan, into being all smiley and siked to go.

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 7:57pm
235: LiliBee says:

229:

Ahhh, your posts feels so open, warm and loving…such a siren you BW you.

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 7:59pm
236: Memulo says:

Brenda,

Thank you, I’ll be alright. After all I can always count on being smart about this.. since being loving is not an option yet lol. And express my feelings if it comes down to it.

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 8:01pm
237: Butterfly wings says:

Awww Lilibee! Thank you!

You know, I do feel much more “calm” about everything compared to last year. It’s like I’ve totally let go of the outcome and in the meantime I’m feeling braver about expressing my feelings and setting boundaries.

I love your new attitude to life too. It’s a new you!

I’m learning a lot from you and attempting to be more of a “feelingy beast” which is in sharp contrast to the old me!

xxx

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 8:01pm
238: LiliBee says:

Spamming spamming spamming here…

Sirens, I need your advice:

I have this WOW handsome respectable looking man who received my profile as a match on Match dot com, and I received a generic notification that he’s interested.

So what do I do now?
I wanted to just send a “wink”. But the only option available was to send an email.
I don’t feel comfortable sending the 1st email.
I would feel comfortable just sending a wink.

Any of you sirens experienced with Match know how I can go about it?

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 8:04pm
239: LiliBee says:

237: So happy for your new outlook BW

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 8:06pm
240: Butterfly wings says:

LiliBee I’ve never initiated contact or a conversation on a dating site. But there has been talk about “dropping the handkerchief”. Can you do what he’s done and come up as interested?

And thank you. This beats falling into a pit of depressing hell!

So what more can I learn today on how to be the best partner I can be to the right man?? Hmmmm!

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 8:14pm
241: Memulo says:

LiliBee,

Can you email a wink -?

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 8:16pm
242: LiliBee says:

Thanks to D, I have made a wonderful friend.

I met her and her partner through D.
We used to hangout all 4 of us.

I liked her alot from “hello”.
She’s so open, warm and inviting.
I thought I would lose that friendship when D and I broke up.
But I guess I’m making it comfortable for them by sharing how much I’ve learned through D and that I’m OK.
They did share w me how they felt that D was nearly impossible to connect to. He’s a fun buddy to them.

She suggested getting together on Sunday while her man is out.
I think I’ll suggest to play Wii, maybe rent a new game.

I’ve always had a hard time making real friends before.
I realize how I used to have a wall with new people in general, not just men.
If I’m attracting open warm people, then that must be bc my vibe has changed to being open and warm.

Hmmm, that makes me feel “alive”. Putting my wall down and letting people in makes me feel like I’m really “living”.

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 8:26pm
243: LiliBee says:

241:

Oh Memulo, that’s so smart! Thanks, I’ll try it.

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 8:29pm
244: LiliBee says:

240:

Right on! @This beats falling into a pit of depressing hell!

Once we’ve sunken into our sad and angry feelings, they drift off, and we get into this feeling of being fascinated about what this person is actually bringing out of us to learn and evolve.
Wooowww, such an amazing feeling!

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 8:33pm
245: Turquoise says:

Goodnight sirens, I’m heading to bed 25 min. earlier tonight as I feel really tired.

Team stop procrastinating, I went grocery shopping, cleaned out the frig, cleaned the kitty liter box, took out the trash and did a load of laundry. I still have more to do, but enjoyed some time with my girls tonight and watched a couple shows.

I am really glad I didn’t let my anxiety get the best of me. I still feel kinda in the soup, and need to sit with my feelings for awhile. I don’t even know what I’d want to say to him.

It’s raining here…. will be nice to sleep by.

Goodnight sirens, hope you all sleep well/have a wonderful day.

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 8:39pm
246: Emerson says:

78 @ Daria
Alias Girl!!!!
I miss her….where did she go

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 8:41pm
247: LiliBee says:

207:

SG,

Cold carbonated water in a tall glass, and dump some of your favourite sweet fruit in it and squoosh them in there with a spoon.
I like to do that with strawberries, blueberries and rasberries.
You get the fizziness and the sweetness…and how healthy!
That’s how I subsituted my Pepsi addiction.

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 8:42pm
248: LiliBee says:

247:

…or sometimes I’ll pour some of my favourite fielberry juice in the carbonated water.
Could be apple juice, grape juice, whatever you like best.

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 8:45pm
249: LiliBee says:

hohhhhhhh, sigh,

I’m reading posts here and there…so interesting…I gotta go to bed…can’t wait to come back and catch-up to the entire stories.

Thanks for being here Sirens! Goodnight. xox

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 8:50pm
250: Butterfly wings says:

Night LiliBee and Turquoise.

xxx

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 9:06pm
251: Brenda says:

Night John-Boy! Night Butterfly! Night silver!

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 9:40pm
252: Laughing Goddess says:

Hi Sirens! I’ve been feeling really busy lately. I’ve been trying to keep up with the blog. It moves so fast sometimes!

BW: I, personally, try to discuss important topics in person if at all possible. Saying it over text might have something to do with why he thinks you are overreacting.

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 9:42pm
253: Butterfly wings says:

I just came across this post by one of my FB friends and wanted to share:

Three decisions shape our destiny according to Tony Robbins (motivational guru)

1. What am I going to focus on? the past, present or future? Self or others?

2. What does it mean? We assign a meaning to our focus and therefore an emotion and emotions impact on our behaviour, actions and results in life. What meaning have you assigned to what you are focusing on? Is it the end or the beginning? Are you being punished or rewarded?

3. What are you going to do? Are you going to give up or move forward? Keep running the same pattern? What is the cost or reward?

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 9:43pm
254: Laughing Goddess says:

BW: sorry, I hit submit on that last message too soon.

What I was wanting to say is that it might be a good practice in your relationship, esp. now that you are living together, to only have discussion about grievances in person. I find that sending texts about things like this usually aren’t nearly as effective. For one thing, it gives this sense of urgency to the matter….because it seems like it can’t wait until a time when we are together and in an energetic space to have an in depth conversation. Also, it’s so easy to have misunderstandings when texting. And if he’s working, it’s problem not the best time to approach him with an issue like that.

How do you feel about that?

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 9:49pm
255: Butterfly wings says:

Thanks LG. he didn’t come home last night and was messaging me when he was on his way in, but I suppose I could have suggested we talk tonight or something.

I do want to be sure that I tell him how good it felt that he looked after me by buying me breakfast and lunch though. I must acknowledge that and make sure he knows that it meant a lot to me.

He and I are going home together tonight so can talk then.

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 10:12pm
256: Silver Moonbeam says:

Good morning from the UK and thank you ladies for all your messages I received this morning when I logged onto the Island, it’s lovely when you are in the midst of a kind, caring and supportive sisterhood like this one.

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 11:07pm
257: Silver-Tongued Siren says:

okay, wow, having trouble catching up! I have been so busy.

responses:

“– I would also suggest to try to focus on just having fun in the present moment with him, laughing and enjoying each others company and then perhaps at a time when you are genuinely feeling good with him perhaps u might say something that makes him feel like the man-hero and you the vulnerable princess “you know it means so much to me that you……..etc etc….. Thank you” and smile or kiss him on the cheek. Just an idea”

I would LOVE to do that, I wish I were better at this! I really have to learn how to make him feel good… I like when he is coming to ME for that, not others.

Liz

I feel good reading about how you have shifted relationship and money through prayer.
>>> Thank you so much for sharing this, I often feel nervous about mentioning it. I really have been seeing a lot of answers lately EVERY time I pray, and have also been sharing my prayers with prayer sites where others pray for you also.

It would be a long post to share all the answers I have seen. I feel amazed and LOVED.

Starla: haha just as i hit “submit,” he called.>>>
lol. it seems like everytime I’m posting here about MILW he is thinking of me and calls or texts!

FW ”
STS I hesitate to comment on your posts because the situation with the two men seems so confusing to me sometimes. I will say though that these posts sound very happy and like your vibe is gravitating in the right direction. I hope you attract exactly what you want.>>>

That’s okay, I feel disappointed since it seemed like you were telling me “just enjoy being around him” and your advice to other sirens has been “make him right” “just enjoy him” and I think you mentioned to me not to worry so much about the (negative) FM, let him feel good.. In any case, that’s what I’ve been doing and it feels great!

863 FW “April Rose when a man sees how much a woman believes in him it can inspire him.”>>>

YES that’s the truth.. I HAVE TO practice some messages to give to MILW (and BF)… … I don’t think I do this enough!!!

Lizka!: ”
It just looks like he goes out with his friends on Thursday, Friday and Saturday and doesn’t think of me during his party days since he doesn’t contact me at all and than when he wakes up alone on the Sunday he remembers of me. It doesn’t make me feel really goddessy” >>>

I don’t like this either, which MILW has been doing lately! grr. I don’t want to make him wait when he DOES want to spend time with me – I’ve been OPEN to him when he wants to be here, but ugh I don’t like that. And we can’t take the baby a lot of places he wants to go, but I would like to do something I CAN do, or to get a sitter for a couple hours, or something. I just miss being with him on the weekends like we used to until baby got too big/light sleeper. I really want him to take me out!

885 FW “I believe men are loyal and they don’t start things with us with the intention of ending it. It is just that they do things differently from us and at times they are on a mission in their lives and will not change that to suit us. ”

This feels good to read. Yes I believe they are loyal …and if I let them feel good around me, they will want to be around me all the time!

1023 turq
<>>>>>

turquoise, I have wondered this same thing. Early on whenever I would share FM with MILW he would in angry moments say I was manipulating and controlling BY SHARING A FEELING MESSAGE!
I wonder if this was the case in his past with someone else.. all I was doing was sharing how I felt, but it sure made me back off and wonder if I should just speak with my actions. I can share FM with him now, thankfully.

Siren Angel!!

“You have to CHOOSE to TRUST for the tools to work. Rori says in one of her programs to choose to trust for a full 3 months. Don’t ask yourself these questions!”>>>
I would like to hear more about this! The only program I have is ReConnect. I wish I had more. Especially right now.

Trust for three months?
Well that’s what I’m trying to do right now. Trust him to what? I suppose trust that what he says is true.. however.. also, I am working on .. things like tonight. he is not here. has not called this evening.. I miss him I SO want him to text me goodnight or call or just COME HOME, but.. he hasn’t.. and I just have to trust and believe he is probably doing something completely trivial right now, and no matter what he is doing, I have to trust and believe that he loves me MOST of all, and that as long as I allow him to feel good when he’s with me, …. I am his Queen.

Siren Angel

The most I will do tonight is bring it over. I will leave all the dishes and stuff lying around like I usually do and lean back and smile while he is picking up and cleaning. This has been a HUGE shift for me. And I can see he feels masculine and purposeful doing this. It was freaky at first, but it does work!!!>>>>>>>>>

I cook at least half the time or more (when he is home).. What is this supposed to look like when in a relationship/marriage/family??

Thursday, 23 February 2012 @ 11:50pm
258: Butterfly Wings says:

TH is cooking me dinner too! He must be feeling bad!

Back later to catch up and respond to posts! xxx

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 12:06am
259: Silver-Tongued Siren says:

So MILW asked if I had dinner plans yesterday.. and asked “would you like to go out for dinner?”

He came in an hour or two to pick us up.

I mentioned something about how i needed help watching baby and I could cut the grass in the front yard (even tho MILW paid $20 to have it cut this last week, it sprouted right up cause it rained) – or he could cut it if he wanted.. i don’t know exactly how i said. But he said “well then we’ll get up at 8:30 and work on the yard” – I didn’t know if he was joking or serious – but it turned out he was joking about 8:30 but serious about the yard.

I did not know he intended to stay but hey, i said my prayers are being answered, eh?

I put baby in car and walked around to passenger side, he said ah-ah I’m buying you’re driving.. … I let it go. I let it go, he’ll stop. He expected me to say I didn’t want to, because before I got in the driver’s side he said “it’s okay, I will help navigate and get us where we’re going (I didn’t know where we were going)” .. ooh there would have been a good time for FM .. appreciation for navigating, being thoughtful of how I would feel.

We chose a place. Drove by another interesting place, I said “ooh can we go there sometime?”.. he said yes, you can take me there sometime. .. I FM “that felt bad, I felt resented..” or something. he sounded a little surprised when he responded.. and I said I would LOVE to take him out. I said I feel awful, because I love to treat him also and make him feel good, and when I have money I’m always spending it on things like that. He said “well I guess I’ve never experienced that – you haven’t had money the entire time I’ve known you”… (had a good job but things happened). etc.

restaurant was closed. so he immediately suggested we go across st to other place i pointed out. they didn’t have anything dinnerish at the time only dessert. so we walked down the street and I pointed out a place I noticed on the way, and he said lets go there. we went in, had looovvely dinner we shared, and he ordered food for baby too (never have before but this was his own idea!!

he held my hand while we ate, he mirrored the things I did.
the waiter asked about dessert, MILW looked at me!

when bill came, I asked how much he was leaving for tip and said I could leave it if he had change for my twenty. He said that’s okay, and I feel like tho he does so much complaining and resentment, it seemed the energy coming from him .. felt sort of .. bad? guilty? ..I don’t know? .. but he genuinely appreciated the offer to cover the tip – and he said he appreciated it.

he offered to drive us home if I wanted, but I said that’s okay, – I don’t mind driving us once in a while – this is true.

We got home, shared the chocolate bar he had placed in my purse earlier! little treats I love them, and some wine.

we watched movies.. had sex on the floor- well tried, but baby was not happy.

something came up I asked a question about where he got something. He wouldn’t tell me as person he got it from asked to not tell anyone – even though MILW shared it was a friend who he was completely surprised by.. anyway.. he wouldn’t tell me.. and he used to do this a long time back so this bothered me. – I said this is different. he said why is this different? the person said, blahblahblah. I walked out of room, put baby to bed.

he started watching movies. I came back after baby was asleep. I told him, I intend to be open and honest and vulnerable with you, this hurts down to my bones, I confide in you, this does not make me feel very connected to you. I looked in his eyes. he heard me. he said “I know” and reiterated what he said earlier.. I still feel bad. i tell my partner things and I don’t like having secrets.

but I let it go. its up to him if he wants to keep it to himself, but I like to share things between us and I felt disconnected from him for a bit and when I think about it now I still don’t like it, but it wasn’t anything very important, so I can let it go.

but he saw that I had tears coming down my face.
I sat near him, he comforted me, holding my hand and holding me, and that felt good.

we watched movies and eventually went to bed.

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 12:22am
260: Femininewoman says:

STS several parts of your comment felt masculine. The part of your comment about loving to take him out, the driving, and the paying. His comment about you never taking him out felt bad.

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 12:50am
261: Silver-Tongued Siren says:

forgot to mention that last night, he mentioned how he got tickets to two events this year that he didn’t get to go to last year .. which I am not thrilled about at all due to not trusting him and feeling bad he didn’t want me to go (because he felt unhappy with our rlsp and would act out).
i feel nervous. I’m not sure why he was telling me about these things. I just didn’t respond really.

He also made SURE to inform me of what he was doing the night before – when we had been texting and I said he must be busy, or something.. and he said he had been.. he went out with a friend of ours..a female friend, who i wish would be more inclusive of me instead of waiting for him to invite me. she doesn’t care and she knew i had baby. she just likes to go out and drink a lot all the time.
anyway, he went out with her.. and told me about it making it sound like nothing, just hanging out with our friend… l felt like he was trying to reassure me as though he notices I don’t text him when he’s not calling me, and maybe is feeling nervous that if I think he’s out with other women I might go do something else.. ? just the feeling i get. he’s a lot more insecure than he seems like sometimes.

we woke up this morning, he immediately cut the front yard, before breakfast. I had asked what he wanted, he chose simple, smoothies, so I made for us.

I then told him I wanted to rent house out for a week or two – for an event. he was a bit angry i hadn’t already agreed to this earlier – as in – he feels the urgent need to make money- and is concerned that we don’t have enough time to pull it together –
but we do.

He said “well last year you wanted to do this but you didn’t get it done so we made no money!” -
i reminded him last year i had NO help, a LOT more cleaning up to do, and it was on short notice last year as well as I HAD someone booked, who cancelled!

we have a friend booking it for us hopefully, coming over tomorrow to take pics, and the place has a lot that needs done before morning!

well he didn’t stay fearful long, instead he calculated how much we could make according to my numbers, he said “this would pay a lot of rent” and then *I* was concerned that involving our friend would cut a large bit of income – and he sounded irritated. I said “I want to at least get a car payment out of it”. He paused for a minute, said NOTHING, felt irritated, he was probably doing math in his head. He said, okay, we can do a car payment. And we went on about the day happily!

He went out and took care of the yard- cutting the front, raking, moving things around, and helping in the house, too! putting up a little artwork, moving things to get ready to go to storage..

WOW, he is excited about making this money, AND he is helping me, when technically he could make me do it all myself, “In exchange for the rent”. But he helped happily!

AND EVEN took baby outside with him while he worked outdoors!! so I got way more done.

after that he showered, got ready for work later on, incase he had any appts. i touched him affectionately/sexually, and he wanted to have sex with me, so we did.

I had trouble connecting with him yesterday, today was better, but I had trouble focusing also due to baby.. we had fun though, and I really wish I could allow him to please me more.

there is a thing I want, to help me do kegel exercises, but it’s $100. I think this would really improve things…I hope, anyway, cause I don’t think you can get a refund on that. lol. hope to get that …sooner the better.

after this he wanted to get a massage (and he did ME last night!!!) and I tried but baby was ready for naptime and it didn’t last long. he thanked me for trying. he made plans to go to a business meet and greet at a hotel but invited a guy friend. i wish I could’ve gone, but .. i guess a baby there wouldn’t be the best thing.. he didn’t say that, but didn’t invite me either.

I asked if he wanted to make a quick trip to home depot, (to look at house paint, etc). he agreed. I asked if he wanted me to drive him up to the place he was supposed to meet and that way his friend could drive him back, he said no, but thanks for offering (He filled my gas tank up the other day! )

he said we would take separate cars and meet at home depot. I said ok and happily put baby in car. we met there, picked out paint swatches, bought light bulbs (which he paid for, for the house) $15). he asked if there was anything else I needed, I said no.

he walked us to the car, told baby bye, …
and said “thank you for the use of your vagina” which felt… mixed feelings. his energy was .. silly, joking, affectionate and literal, and irreverent? all at once? … like I felt laughter, loved, and unloved all at one time! i don’t want to feel like just sex, – but that’s a bad story to tell myself, because he DOES love me. .. and I told him ‘that feels bad”.. “I like to feel loved” .. “but I will let that go, .. WHAT?! I will just pretend you didn’t say that.. it’s a good thing I KNOW you, and love you.. because if I didn’t KNOW you….. lol”… he laughed too.. and we didn’t fight about it, –the other two times I didn’t feel so good we also didn’t really fight, we allowed a plateau and just redirected the energy – which felt good.

the other was this morning I let baby play with something and he got upset thinking it would ruin something on it he had just replaced. i didn’t know this. I expressed it.. I tried to put it away but he got snatchy with me and grabbed at it and wanted me to give it to him, so I did, I said “I was just going to put it away” – wow I felt hurt, so i walked away to other room. I came back with feeling message – i felt really bad, ..don’t remember what I said, … but I kind felt and sounded down..felt like crying, nearly. I told him i felt really bad, can I sit by him for a minute? He didn’t answer, then said “why don’t you go clean, or work on the taxes or something?”…..?! so angry, not sure why?

it felt awful. so I just got up and walked away.
I worked on house more.
he came in room later, in a better mood, asked if i was doing ok.
I said, ..yes.. well.. yes that felt bad, but I’m not dwelling on it. and.. I think he said good, and … I don’t know what was said, but I felt better afterwards and thats whats important. I can’t remember, because I was so in shock that he came to the room and asked how i was!?!

It’s not like him to be that direct, he usually – if he feels bad for something he did – will make me wait a long time before he can be open to me, OR, he will try to do nice things for me yet never address the issue that made me feel bad. In the past few months he’s started APOLOGIZING!!!! and when i pointed out once that a real apology does NOT have a “but” following it, he STOPPED that and started giving me real apologies!!!!! AND NOW, he came to check on me?!? yes yes yes!! this is a good sign!
We love getting along.

anyway, he left around 5:30, and i haven’t heard from him again, makes me sad, i want his goodnight and his love and him home. I bet he went to our friend’s birthday party at a bar..but I didn’t really want to go, … issues with that group of “friends”… backing away from that group.

anyway, I felt SO happy today after he left- like overwhelmingly happy – this happens sometimes to me. until I ate pasta for dinner, then I slowed down a bit, lol. it took until a couple hours ago to get baby to sleep finally!! ugh and haven’t got a thing done on the house, not maybe I will and then get up early too I hope. eating cookie dough and dark choc milk right now, mmmm.

more later –

Oh and update on BF –
messaged me on Tuesday (usually he asks me for plans for wknd around then).. to tell me he broke his lease and is going to find a new place, etc… he has now contacted me three times – once a phone call, second messaged me, third very short message. … and…. i see on fb he found a new place – small apartment, much smaller than the 2 br place with yard he got earlier.

No response to my email about whether we would be sexually exclusive should I move there. that one girl he works with who gave him a ride has been liking things on his page though. i am sure she must be the one he has been sleeping with. she likes something he has interest in..that i don’t know a lot about… I need to up my knowledge, and connect with him more on that, I have known this for a while. and practice more FM with him. and praise. all of these things, with MILW too – just in general … yes. All these beautiful men, giving themselves to help me learn…. I love them.

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 12:58am
262: Silver-Tongued Siren says:

“STS several parts of your comment felt masculine. The part of your comment about loving to take him out, the driving, and the paying. His comment about you never taking him out felt bad.”

Hmm I see this, yes, but I think that everyone has a mix of fem/masc and … if he is doing a lot for me, I don’t mind doing these little things ONCE in a while -a drive, a dinner, or a tip.

his comment about me never taking him out felt bad to me due to his built up resentment that I am not doing what he perceives to be my financial part… I don’t think he expects me to do this a lot, I just think his love language is GIFTS, and he feels unappreciated. I mean, he wouldn’t even let me leave a tip.

And you know what else he gave me today, he bought a groupon for a TON of car services (like $750 in car services) and we will use it between the two cars, but he is sending me to get an oil change and maybe a starter/battery system check.

I need to be sure I express appreciation for that somehow… … I think I am going to do something DIFFERENT this time….

I am going to express verbally -as I always do-

but then… I think I will BUY (or make) him something….. it can be something small.. cookies, a candy bar, a drink he likes..

I am going to experiment with this.

In the past I’ve felt like he should know I appreciate him and I do so much around here that helps us accomplish things by working together (like, i dont like grocery shopping so he does it, … I iron his shirts.)…. but I’m not sure he’s feeling this. i put a lot of time and effort into things that he seems to barely notice – even though he likes me to do them, they don’t seem to make him feel appreciated.

so instead of putting so much time and effort into an Act of Service, I will try Gifts instead – and give him something small..and see if this gets any different response from him.

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 1:23am
263: Silver-Tongued Siren says:

247 LiliBee, Sun Goddess

YES!! I crave soda once in a while so instead i have Italian Soda, much better, only a few ingredients..

def healthier.

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 1:28am
264: Silver-Tongued Siren says:

Ps I feel good, I feel productive hopefully have the house mostly ready to be rented for vacation rental by tomorrow and maybe have taxes almost finished by tomorrow – have a lot of itemizing to do..

then hope to paint at least the FRONT of the house (or maybe just the trim on the house) in the next two days… (before it rains Mon or Tuesday).. and then have a client on Monday… Yay!!

I have to get some clients who are paying full price though. I need to find an outlet to advertise and really work on my work stuff -get a scheduling system set up, etc – (they are all just so complicated with the extra features I need plus the cost and the capabilities..).. have a lot of extra costs coming up in the next few months and really need to fire this up anyway,…

It is REALLY windy outside right now..

alright back to work!!
wish I had gotten on the blog earlier while everyone else was still up!!! Love to all the Sirens, and pleasing dreams!

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 1:32am
265: Sirenity says:

I had a wonderful day today!

Did a little cleaning, laundry and ironing ,
Went to see my sexy financial adviser ,
Got my car back after some body repairs,
Did some grocery shopping and bought fresh seafood,
Lay on my sons old trampoline in dappled shade meditating and painting my nails…yummy!!

And tomorrow I have a date for a picnic by a waterfall.
Monday a lunch in a ritzy city restaurant with a new man…

Whats not to like?

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 2:55am
266: Femininewoman says:

Picnic by a waterfall sounds exciting Sirenity. I love waterfalls.

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 2:57am
267: Aurora Girl says:

Sirens
good morning Chickies…….oh it’s Friday and it feels like it’s been a long week. This time of year, lots to do….so feels like lots of masculine energy needed…..

I don’t find it easy to switch hats from masculine do, to feminine be sometimes….I think I find it flows more easily in spring summer fall…but this time of year there is so much do.

My LD is coming again late this afternoon for several days….. I feel blah.

Sending good vibes….***~~~*** though they might move slowly today….lol

xo
Aurora

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 3:22am
268: Aurora Girl says:

Silver Moonbeam

More hugs for you today……

xo
Aurora

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 3:23am
269: Arno says:

Hi Rori,
I dont know if you come around gay people alot but I need you now.

He left me with absolutely nothing, we were engaged for almost 10 months and when he left, he was cruel.

I started working, working working. I complimented people, made new friends, I enjoyed my job, every minute of it….

But a few weeks ago I saw him in the mall and that night I fell apart. I was admitted to hospital and things got out of hand. I’m not only FEELING broken, I AM broken..

What do I do now? Working and meeting didn’t work

Love Arno

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 3:38am
270: Ella says:

Flowerchild re 218,

No need to apologise.

Don’t worry at all.

It is a triggering topic for me too! xxx

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 3:52am
271: Aurora Girl says:

Have any of you experienced a man who professes great love for you that he wants to last forever (much like some past comments here), and steps up with his actions to be present and attentive and loving…

yet makes comments every once in a while about his skepticism that marriage doesn’t last…that 50% of marriages fail……

LD makes comments like” If we last”…..or “if we make it through a year….”

No wonder I have been feeling tested. It almost feels like he has a self fulfilling prophesy.

Those kind of comments take the lightness out of it….the possibilities seem dim…..

know what? I called him on that the other night (in our conversation I posted about)….said it’s almost like he’s looking for things to go wrong as if to say..”see ….it’s going down the tubes”……

like the testing me with the texts (I know to be watchful of tests…..some understanding is good initially but if becomes a pattern….this is not good)

Now i know why I feel blah.

He will arrive today and be here til Tuesday. I will see what the vibe is around all of that. I feel like I’m dating a skeptic….or maybe a romance addict? It’s only 6 months in and I wonder if he doesn’t like the depth that needs to come and prefers the early chase romance stuff. I’m going to practice tapping into how I feel and be open about it….and share it with him as the time unfolds…

thanks for listening Sirens…I am sending good vibes back my way too…..***~~~*** this is growth for me…the being open about it…..not blamey…..just observing..

xo
Aurora

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 3:54am
272: Sirenity says:

Yes FW ,

Its late summer and there is a glen with a small river flowing over a high rock ledge ..you can swim in the sun dappled pool beneath or stand under the cascade!!!

A lovely sexy place to linger and play..

But he has already told me he isnt ready for a relationship. His loss

The lunch date will be fun too, quality guy , first date and it follows a medical appointment for me , so will be a special bonus .

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 3:58am
273: Ella says:

Lillibee

You are sounding good Siren!

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 4:00am
274: Ella says:

Sirens,

One of my weight loss clients eats easyyo yoghurt, which is yoghurt you can make yourself at home from a powder.

Easyyo claim that their yoghurt is the healthiest, containing many more bacteria than the ordinary live stuff you can buy.

I feel very suspicious of foods that you make from a dehydrated powder. For me I wonder can they really be nutritious? Surely the process of dehydrating would cause loss of nutrients?

But I can’t find any information about it other than what Easyyo say themselves.

Does anyone know about this product?

Is is healthy?

I don’t think the normal yoghurt we eat is first dried out then rehydrated is it?

Thanks.

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 4:09am
275: Ella says:

Oh sorry it is ‘easiyo’ yoghurt not ‘easyyo’

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 4:12am
276: Sirenity says:

I love easy yo.
I use the low fat greek yoghourt.
The bacteria are in the powder and when water is added they “culture” and it gets all smooth and yummy and thick.

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 4:15am
277: Turquoise says:

Good morning sirens! I’m so glad it’s Friday! We have our surprise Paris sleepover party tonight… my daughter has no idea! I’m choosing to focus on that and work today. I still have no words for him if he calls, except to mirror his small talk or answer something he asks me. I would like to know when he’ll be visiting again, and would like to do some scripting, work on some feeling messages before that.

Hugs all around! Enjoy the day sirens!

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 4:49am
278: tenny says:

Morning sirens. Still in my pits. But I understand now that I have to find myself and embrace myself and step back . . . Not lean back. And I have to put ALL of my focus on me. my NV is working overtime. CD song is pulling away, maybe because of another woman I would guess. This does not feel good, but I welcome it. Either right or wrong I need to step back from him and breathe and regroup and reclaim myself. I don’t feel my heart is safe around him so I need to step away.

Im starting to feel better, but not quite. Im going to do somethings for myself today, massage, etc. Keep the focus on me.

Oh, lately, when I give feeling messages I get a strong response. Seems they are shocked by how I feel, almost annoyed. That is why I need to step back too. Like trying to control my feelings.

Ok. Going to start infusing positive thoughts onto my soul today to begin healing.

#1 I am happy to have connected with my feminine energy. It is powerful and keeps me safe. It is the constant force that embraces my happy feelings

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 4:51am
279: tenny says:

Aurora girl. Good that you spoke on it to him. I would ask if he feels good thinking of happy times in the future. He sounds like he is sometimes scared. Maybe something hurt him in his past to feed that fear

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 4:55am
280: Aurora Girl says:

((((tenny))))

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 4:56am
281: tenny says:

Hi Turquoise. What is mirroring? I may need to try that

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 4:57am
282: sammie sighs says:

feeling, lost, sad, confused,,,my guy has been stepping up but I know he has a problem he has low self esteem with plenty of woment to call on for a boost. He has never cheated but is emotinally.. I want to run and never look back but ive been running so long,,I want to stop and see if he can step up ..

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 4:57am
283: tenny says:

Thanks Aurora Girl
. . Really needed the hug today

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 5:00am
284: tenny says:

Rori
Feeling very broken. I understand the article, especially the renewal emphasis. Thank you. I really needed that.

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 5:02am
285: Aurora Girl says:

tenny
Oh yes, that he has told me, though he hasn’t given details and I don’t think I want them. But some patterns are super obvious.

I’m really trying to focus on myself and watch what comes up for me too. I want to own what’s mine and not own what isn’t mine. I want to avoid being in his head. I want to avoid being too much in mine too.

I find sometimes a man is not ready to hear our FMs…..or a woman friend either for that matter. It doesn’t mean we can’t say them……especially if it helps us.

xo
Aurora

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 5:04am
286: Aurora Girl says:

((((((sammie)))))))

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 5:15am
287: Lizka says:

I think I might have just understand why I seem to attract only uninteresting guys and why the hot guys like the 3 hot guys from the club last weekend never stick around…

When I have an uninteresting guy flirting with me, I am obviously feeling like “whatever I just want to have fun” and feel relax and my vibe must be very high. I must be really “I am the air you need to breath” kind of vibe..

When I have a really sexy guy coming towards me like Dicaprio or the cute old CD I thought have no girlfriends, I think my NVs kick off big time saying “look at you, you never gonna have a man like that, you never had a hot boyfriend, why would you now?” and I feel stressed and my vibe must switch in just an instant and they might feel it and that must be so unattractive!!!!

Hehe nice to be aware of that!

So now I have to practice sending my emotions in my pelvis, breath and relax when I’m in front of a hot guy. I am the aor they need to breath just as I am for the low-quality men…

So I decided that I am no more gonna dates guys that I find so so interesting, I don’t need practice with them since I already attract them like crazy. I need practice on hot hot hot men!

Yay good morning Lizka! Welcome in the understanding of your soul!

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 5:20am
288: Lizka says:

By the way, none of the 3 hot guys from last weekend have contacted me yet, except Dicaprio when he accepted my friend request…

But now I understand why at least, I was in this need-to-impress vibe and not feeling relax at all and it was probably very unsireny and unattractive…

I feel a little bit disapointed but it’s ok because now I know that I’m going to attract hot men more often with my new understanding and new attitude!!

Cheers to me

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 5:25am
289: T-Girl says:

Aurora Girl, I had a similar (but not the exact) problem with J too. In fact, I asked Dominique about my problem when she had her teleclass. Her answer was that It just takes time. Time for him to get to know you and time for his trust to build. Just keep doing what you are doing. He will see for himself how good he has it.

I am seeing now that the problem that J had doesn’t seem to exist anymore.

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 5:33am
290: T-Girl says:

I have to share – yesterday J sent me an e-mail at work that just totally melted my heart.

He told me that he doesn’t tell me enough but he is so happy that I am in his life and sometimes he feels he has to pinch himself to make sure it is not a dream.

Wow. Just wow. Never in a million years did I think I could make someone feel that way.

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 5:39am
291: Aurora Girl says:

T girl
thanks…..those are great thoughts……and wise one about time……..

xo

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 5:39am
292: tenny says:

Hi Sammie. Welcome. In Toxic men, Rori does an interview with Todd Creager where he talks about how to tell if a man can “catch” meaning give six different opportunities (experiences) for him to learn how to catch (receive) your feelings. You are giving him these chances to make a change from being toxic or clueless (meaning those things that he does that is not good for the other person). But you have to do your part by following the four rules rori emphasizes.

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 5:41am
293: Aurora Girl says:

…and so nice to hear that your siren-ness and goddess-ness and all round good stuff is getting mirrored back to you….!

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 5:42am
294: tenny says:

T-Girl
That is sooooooo sweet!

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 5:42am
295: tenny says:

Hi Lizka!

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 5:44am
296: Lizka says:

Hi Tenny!!!

I’m sorry you’re feeling low darling.

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 5:47am
297: tenny says:

Aurora Girl
That makes sense that men are not ready to hear or FMs
Im going to think on that this weekend as I take some me (siren) time

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 5:48am
298: tenny says:

Thank you Lizka
I hope to be out of my pit after some me time. I’ve been following your posts . . . Loved that you had a great weekend last week – it was inspiring

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 5:50am
299: Memulo says:

AG,

How do you feel about returning these ‘if we last for another year, month, 15 mins’ jokingly but with a straight face?

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 6:01am
300: Memulo says:

Lizka,

Did you think about getting out more and practicing to focus on you more?

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 6:04am
301: Memulo says:

I feel like an old boring gfriend that my guy is just trying to politely get away from..

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 6:07am
302: Memulo says:

Serious, clinging and predictable

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 6:10am
303: Lena says:

Hi, everyone

This is a great article. And timely.

I feel “broken” because I am at some very uncomfortable zone. I am full of doubts, suspicion and feeling wrong.

I cant let go of the feeling I am being lied to. Not being good enough.

Last night I had to meet A again. He wanted to see me. But it was our movie time with girls and at first I said yes because I thought we will finish early but than I had to decline as we drunk a bit and I didnt want him to see me drunk. He was insisting on seeing me because he had to leave for 4 days. On some reason I answered him that I do like him and miss him but I cant leave to meet him. He answered he understands but it scared me in two ways – WHY did it tell all this to him, than I was changing my mind like this…

The truth is – I am so scared if him… This ex of his and all how he is scares me… I feel like I am loosing to her, that she is prettier or better and they are still together. And I am just a fling or whatever. I am thinking to run away and avoid him. Just to disappear without any explanation. I dont want to be used, to feel lonely, “second” woman, etc. I dont want to. He txted me a it today but its either because of my state (plus hungover) – I just dont feel like he is really there… I feel he is hiding smth.

I just want to run away. But I also feel like there is smth to be learned. That its not visible for me yet. Maybe that I think too much or was so hurt before I cant even trust someone and expect smth to happen right away. I cant just relax and have fun without thinking or planning smth for the future. And I always see myself hurt in the end… Its very tiring…

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 6:10am
304: Mel says:

Memulo,

“Serious, clinging and predictable”

I think your little girl is telling you to have more fun, do all the interesting things you ever wanted to do, and be mysterious and spontaneous. Little girls like stuff like that.

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 6:12am
305: Lena says:

To 286 –

Its a nice post, Lizka:)

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 6:18am
306: Femininewoman says:

Lena – “I cant let go of the feeling I am being lied to.”

This is a belief maybe driven by the fear. It also seem like your NVs are screaming loudly.

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 6:18am
307: Memulo says:

Thank you Mel, yes, I have to.

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 6:25am
308: Femininewoman says:

RE 277 tenny I feel happy for you that you are building awareness.

I am wondering if it is energy behind your words, your body language or your tonality that the guys are responding to and not necessraily the feeling messages. Though you talk about happy feelings for some reason the vibe around this post came across as a bit of a monotony. I am wonder if you would be open to experimenting with different words to see if you could change the tone of your comments on the blog to practice getting the response that you want out in the world? Just a thought….

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 6:28am
309: Femininewoman says:

Hey T-Girl. That feels absolutely wonderful to read.

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 6:30am
310: Femininewoman says:

tenny – how are you with gushing?

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 6:30am
311: T-Girl says:

I’m off to the hospital with my daughter – she is having her gall bladder surgery today. We will be there until tomorrow. So far she is in great spirits and doesn’t appear to be scared or nervous.

Hope everyone has a great weekend!

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 6:36am
312: Memulo says:

((((T-Girl))))

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 6:43am
313: Memulo says:

At least the thought of texting him and asking what else is wrong with

their health
the resort
the weather
a neighbor at the next table
non-cooperative fish, etc.

never crossed my mind!

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 6:46am
314: Femininewoman says:

Aurora Girl at 6 months most guys start wondering what to do with the relationship and if they want to take it to the next level. He is processing his doubts which is good because it is better he does it now rather than later if you get married. I am also wondering what his parents marriage was like and what his close friends relationships are like. His focus on the possible negativities in marriage is something I have experienced with a cd and he tends to act like he wants to run to the hills so I just let him. He keeps coming back though. It has also been more than 6 months. I would experiment with agreeing with him about the doubts and maybe even suggest that it gives you space to think about whether he is what you want.

I would also let him know that I feel blah and weighed down as if my energy is draining out of me with all the negative stuff he talks about around marriage and maybe that you don’t like feeling that way with him. I would also maybe look for some great love stories to share about friends experience, maybe plan to watch a movie where there is a happy ending. In other words commit to your own happiness and live it out regardless of what he is saying. Maybe he needs to feel that commitment that you will have it with or without him.

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 6:47am
315: Femininewoman says:

All the best T-Girl

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 6:48am
316: Lena says:

Hi, FW

I am crying now…

I would not be like this if my friend havent told me about this FB page. Its still states – in relationship with that girl.

I didnt suspect a thing and maybe would thought he is taking things slow but after this… He told me they broke up but I just dont believe it anymore… I told him about that but I dont think its all that simple out there. He told me she had to leave. Nope – she is in town. What kind of person would still be in relationship and date smone? I feel stupid… I deleted his numbers already. Thinking how to delete him from bb messenger too. Its better to run away now, than to be terribly hurt again. I had this before – he would say its nth with her, be sweet to me and that I found out he was seeing her all the time.

I feel like a failure. That I have my chances to be this calm, feminine woman they all think I am at first and than completely loose it. Its painful. I dont want to go through the pain I had ever again. I think he is still with her, maybe has some problems and just want to have fun on the side. Thats all there is. And there is nth serious there. I am trying to see smth serious.

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 6:53am
317: Femininewoman says:

“What kind of person would still be in relationship and date smone?”

Lena people of both genders do this – men and women. There is the imaginary relationship, the uncommitted relationship and the committed relationship. And the list goes on and on. So yeah it depends on the type of relationship the person is in why they would choose to continue dating. Dating is just dating. It is about meeting new people and having fun. If you make it more than that by attaching outcomes, having expectations , behaving as if……..before he asks for anything then yes it can become a problem.

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 7:00am
318: Lena says:

I dont like it like this… I am not there for fun… I am a single mom afterall.

I better leave all this with him now. Than truly regret later. I dont feel he is really into me – I feel like smth new, an entertainment. I cant change myself – I attach to people. And because I am so family oriented I do expect things. So I am not there for fun at all.

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 7:04am
319: tenny says:

FW
Im going to practice your suggestion and put them on the blog
What is gushing? Is it like riffing?

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 7:05am
320: Femininewoman says:

Interesting comment from an email:-

“See, according to studies, 59% of our communication is non-verbal.

And surprisingly, even our verbal communications can be broken down to the actual words we say
and the way we say those words.

And out of the verbal communication only 7% of those are attributed to the actual words we say.

The rest of our verbal communication value is attributed to the tone of voice, the pace of our speech, and how we say those words.

Norma Jean Mortensen (future Marilyn Monroe)
writes: “My admirers all said the same thing in different ways,” …”Some said it was the way I looked
at them–with eyes full of passion. Others said it was my voice that lured them on. Still others said I
gave off vibrations that floored them.”

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 7:14am
321: Brenda says:

(((Sammie sighs))),

RE: #281 – “feeling, lost, sad, confused,,,my guy has been stepping up but I know he has a problem he has low self esteem with plenty of woment to call on for a boost. He has never cheated but is emotinally.. I want to run and never look back but ive been running so long,,I want to stop and see if he can step up ..”

I’m sorry, I wish I had a solution for you. How can we help you?

Hugs, Brenda

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 7:24am
322: Femininewoman says:

SELF-LOVE GATE #2:
All of my relationships support me to be my best me
and to live the life I want, or I don’t have them. This can be one of the hardest milestones to pass, because it means putting a big stake in the ground for yourself. It requires honoring yourself SO much that you only have relationships in your life – friendships, romantic partners, even relatives – that give respect, trust, unconditional love and truth.
You love and honor yourself so deeply that ALL relationships in your life make your life better, help you reach your dreams and be a better you… or you don’t have them.
This doesn’t mean that all of your relationships are perfect, void of difficulty, or that you are absolved of giving the same respect and love you desire. Unconditional love and respect go both ways. It also doesn’t mean that you go cutting people out of your life without taking a good deep look at what you want from your relationships, what part you play in creating that relationship dynamic, and then taking steps to one by one, transform, let go or grow the relationships you currently have so that EVERY SINGLE ONE reflects that same unconditional love and respect you have for yourself.

Self-love requires that you choose me before we in every relationship, which is not
about being a self-centered, narcissistic, its-all-about-me kind of person. What choosing
me before we means is that because you have made a commitment to create what your heart and soul desire, you don’t have space in your life for relationships that drag you down, hold you back, create negative ju ju feelings (like shame, guilt, self doubt) or take more energy than they give.
When you can take a stand to choose me before we in your relationships, you open up the space to let new life-affirming relationships in and allow current ones to grow to new levels of love.

http://www.madlyinlovewithme.com/kit/MLM-self-love-mini-book-2011.pdf

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 7:26am
323: Brenda says:

Lena,

RE: #302 – Welcome! I don’t know what’s what, but I like what Rori says – to trust our intuition. If something feels unsafe, back off to a safe distance.

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 7:28am
324: Brenda says:

Lizka,

RE: #286 – “When I have an uninteresting guy flirting with me, I am obviously feeling like “whatever I just want to have fun” and feel relax and my vibe must be very high. I must be really “I am the air you need to breath” kind of vibe..

When I have a really sexy guy coming towards me like Dicaprio or the cute old CD I thought have no girlfriends, I think my NVs kick off big time saying “look at you, you never gonna have a man like that, you never had a hot boyfriend, why would you now?” and I feel stressed and my vibe must switch in just an instant and they might feel it and that must be so unattractive!!!!”

Right on! Good processing! I struggle with that, too. That’s why it doesn’t work for me to CD men to whom I am not attracted. It is no challenge to me. I won’t be triggered into insecurity.

So let’s keep CDing and up our vibe and we will be surprised!

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 7:32am
325: Lizka says:

Thank you Lena

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 7:33am
326: Femininewoman says:

tenny read 319. Gushing basically means really showing your emotions particularly the good ones like excitement in your eyes, your tone of voice, the smile on your face and in your body, in addition to the emphasis you put on your words. Really concentrate of show deeply how you feel.

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 7:35am
327: Femininewoman says:

Lena I am a single mom too. Are you saying we should just be focussed on building a relationship with no fun in it?

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 7:35am
328: Iamabutterfly says:

@83 Daria – Wow, this does feel SUPER vulnerable. I feel embarrassed that I feel so scared of men sometimes, but the honest thing to do would be to LET them see how scared I feel. It will be interesting to see how they respond, as I have never really let myself feel and experience the fear in the presence of a man…

@90 Mel – Thank you so much for your comment! It feels so reassuring to know that I’m not alone in this.

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 7:52am
329: Iamabutterfly says:

@270 Aurora – It sounds like he is really considering you as a potential marriage partner.

He may really care about you, but he may be struggling with some extreme terror and skepticism about the institution of marriage.

I know that with me personally, I really only talk about my skepticism regarding marriage when I’m beginning to feel really safe and good with a man.

Part of me wants to see how he will react to my skepticism, and part of me wants to see if he will back off due to my own fears and somehow see it as immaturity or something.

My gut tells me this man really cares about you. Just give him time, and keep being your fabulous self!

I believe Rori’s husband was dealing with these fears before he proposed.

A good book to check out is He’s Scared, She’s Scared. While it doesn’t really offer solutions, it does at least give you a glimpse into what some men are thinking when it comes to commitment. It really helped me see my own patterns as well…

He may not even be close to proposing, but may really like you, and just be trying to see how you handle his fears regarding marriage.

A man just wants to feel safe, even with his fears…

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 7:57am
330: lk says:

i’m feeling confused.

on one hand, i can feel fear rising in me. & suspicion & resentment…

but on the other hand, I don’t have to feel those things.

what will i need to feel good ?

time ? dollars ? fidelity ? respect ?

i want to feel cherished. i do feel cherished.

i commit to cherishing myself. i can love myself perfectly & practice & practice outward & love all things perfectly. i’m practicing. i love my practice.

i commit to openness & vulnerability & slowness & ease

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 8:10am
331: Ella says:

Hmmm,

I am thinking about what I have eaten today and wondering if it is too much?

I didn’t think it was but I am feeling really full up so I am going to write it here to see what it looks like:

2 eggs scrambled with a little bit of olive oil and tomato paste on 2 ryvitas and 1 ryvita topped with reduced fat hummus and sliced tomato.

Half a banana.

1 plate of salad leaves with the rest of the sliced tomato and some more reduced fat hummus, tomato paste and 4 thin slices of chicken breast.

1 yoghurt and honey smoothie from Sainsburys.

———————————————-

And I feel full to burst all of a sudden.

I have Pole and Zumba lessons to go and do and tonight when I get home I plan to eat prawns with 1/2 baked sweet potato and some vegetables and maybe more salad.

I will drink juice with a splash of grapefruit juice.

Well, looking back at it I don’t think it is a huge amount but it is quite substantial.

I think it is probably ok.

I do think that I need energy.

Wonder if I can get my energy from anywhere else except food.

My thoughts for example.

Oh! I know why I feel full… it is because I ate LOADS of food last night.

I was feeling hung over yesterday.

I decided not to beat myself up for drinking when I didn’t really want/plan to… but I did eat a load of cr8p as was feeling hung over.

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 8:18am
332: lk says:

i feel good.

i feel a bit heavy from the Fear…

i feel cherished. i do.

i want to feel connected & i want to feel mutually pleased & contented.

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 8:19am
333: Starbright says:

Brenda

I’m wondering about your comment about not getting triggered by men who are not attractive to you so that you aren’t able to work on issues of insecurity.

I know I have not wanted to cd them either. .however what just came to mind is if given the opportunity one may get triggered by available men as well as intimacy.

Unavailable men don’t allow as much practice with intimacy issues. It feeds into ideas of ot being worthy of having a true emotionally/physically available man. And it is generally a no win situation. How long does a woman need to try convincing a man or herself she is good enough for him to truly love as his one?

I have lots of experience with the unavailable ones too…your comment has me thinking…

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 8:23am
334: Starbright says:

Brenda

I’m wondering about your comment about not getting triggered by men who are not attractive to you so that you aren’t able to work on issues of insecurity.

I know I have not wanted to cd them either. .however what just came to mind is if given the opportunity one may get triggered by available men and intimacy.

Unavailable men don’t allow as much practice with intimacy issues. It feeds into ideas of ot being unworthy of having a true emotionally/physically available man. And it is generally a no win situation. How long does a woman need to try convincing a man or herself she is good enough for him to truly love as his one?

I have lots of experience with the unavailable ones too…your comment has me thinking…

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 8:25am
335: Aurora Girl says:

FW 313

“I am also wondering what his parents marriage was like and what his close friends relationships are like.”

well remember a few posts up I mentioned he has some classic signs that he’s been hurt…..without getting too much into his head or stereotyping….and without breaching his confidence on a public blog (you just never know)…there was a lot of breakdown in his childhood before he was even 12…. volatile parental marriage with alcoholism and eventual divorce, loss of significant grandparent, childhood illness, mother took up with another alcoholic workaholic who died 10 years ago. He himself didn’t like high school left home midteens to find work, never married, fathered a son with an addict but didn’t stay in the relationship, partied until his mid 30s when being a parent finally woke him up. Long term friends seem loyal but mostly guys, blue collar

Normally I would walk away from this if the story showed up all at once.

But in the last 20 years he turned his life around. He raised his son on his own, he stopped drinking and using drugs. He focused on work, improving his lifestyle, now watches what he eats, does yoga and meditation, he has always held a well paying blue collar full time job. He is loyal to his sister and her family and visits his elderly mom several times a week. He is generous beyond all doubt. He generally rarely says anything negative about anyone. He owns his past. He is a jack of all trades. He did a lot of stupid stuff he says but never got the law after him. He remembers everyone’s birthdays and buys a gift or sends a card. He is a gentleman. He keeps a clean house and cooks up a storm. He has his black belt. He went back and got a college diploma.

He just is from the other side of the tracks compared to my life (parents stayed married, I finished graduate school and I’m self employed have three kids, divorced an abusive husband, generally healthy)

I guess he’s a diamond in the rough, down to earth and really trying….I can relate to him because of all the stories I heard over the years working in the prisons and people struggling and I know we are all human so I try not to judge.

He is not a “project” of mine, no way no how.

Iamabutterfly I think you are right….maybe terrified is a good word for how he feels..he has said he’s never loved someone like this before….he calls me the love of his life….he likes to have things figured out though and it’s not possible to set up a sure thing so fear would reasonably show up.

His family says they’ve never seen him so happy

But I can see that he has a lot of hurts.
and he has a lot of negative thoughts of sabotage or “it’s too good to be true”
But I see that he is trying.

I have told him I am “in”, and that I see the obstacles in a LD, and the unknowns. I have said “I’ve buckled my seat belt” which means I”m giving this a go. But I’ve also said I don’t know where any of this is headed which is true.

When I’m with him I feel good. It’s when we’re apart that his NV take hold of him and wreak havoc.

I just wonder if I just need to keep doing what’s important to me and if he stays along for the ride so be it….if not……so be it.

Maybe that’s where the blah comes in…..

wondering if I have an enthusiastic partner in this or a skeptic….wondering if the skeptic will soften or not……

xo
Aurora

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 8:32am
336: Brenda says:

Starbright,

RE #332 – My discussion wasn’t about available vs. unavailable men, and I wonder if what you wrote was meant as a slam. I wasn’t discussing Ryan. Apparently, you were.

I was talking about Circular Dating available men: some I am attracted to and some are not who I would ever consider marrying.

Altho Rori would say CD them even if you wouldn’t consider them for marriage, I am saying that does little for me. I have been a nerd magnet all my life, because I’m too nice. It is effortless for me to sit down and talk with a man to whom I’m not attracted. I don’t need more of that practice.

I need practice with men who make my heart race! And I already ended my friendship with Ryan, so I don’t need to end it again.

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 8:34am
337: lk says:

where is starla ? i want an update

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 8:43am
338: Starbright says:

Brenda.

I was talkIng about men in general – not Ryan. No, it was not meant as a slam to you.

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 8:46am
339: Laughing Goddess says:

lk, I was wondering that too. I hope she’s okay.

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 8:47am
340: lk says:

@laughing goddess

how do you & your Sweetie share home labors ? i feel curious…. cleaning ? cooking ? straightening ? shopping ?

i feel confused about my ideal vision on this….

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 8:51am
341: Aurora Girl says:

another share from the LOA

“When your heart is singing, you are allowing Well-being. When you are appreciating, you are allowing Well-being.

When you are yelling at somebody, you’re not. When you’re feeling insecure, you’re not. When you’re frustrated, you’re not.”

— Abraham

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 8:56am
342: Brenda says:

Starbright,

RE: #337 – Ok, my bad. I guess I’m getting sensitive about that on the blog.

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 8:56am
343: Laughing Goddess says:

Starbright 332

“however what just came to mind is if given the opportunity one may get triggered by available men as well as intimacy.”

This has been my experience. In the past, I’ve almost always been attracted to unavailable men. While I definitely dealt with feelings of loneliness, I can honestly say that being with an available man has been much more triggering.

It triggers my feelings of worthiness.

It has felt really difficult sometimes.

I admire you for being able to recognize this possibility for yourself as it most likely will come up.

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 8:56am
344: lk says:

i want to do what i want to do & i want beauty & community & family & love, so i will cultivate beauty & community & family & love

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 9:02am
345: Laughing Goddess says:

lk:

He does most of the grocery shopping and cooking, feeds the dogs, stacks and brings in the firewood.

I do more of the straightening and general pick-up, and kitty litter (yuk!).

We pretty much share the deep cleaning chores, and dishes, although I would say I do a little more because I have a lower tolerance for mess than he does.

We each do our own laundry.

I’d say he general does more than I do as far as overall chores go.

In fact, I feel a little weird because in my efforts to lean back, I have become a little lazy. I’m learning not to do do do all the time.

I think at this point, I have leaned too far back and am feeling ineffective in my life…if that makes sense. I’d like to be more proactive and productive.

Rather than channel that energy into him, like I used to do with men in my past. I would like to channel it into better self-care.

How are you feeling about your current set-up with CD?

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 9:03am
346: Laughing Goddess says:

lk 343

That’s going to be my mantra for the day. Thanks!

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 9:10am
347: lk says:

@laughing goddess

thank you… yes i share your feeling of leaning & laze : ) it’s disconcerting, after being such a Do-er my little long life….

umm… i feel Upset about the set-up with CD right now…. I feel a little “afraid” about it….

because we share space much of the time & he does so much…. & i like to cook & do dishes & straighten & make it “home-y”…… but sometimes when he asks me to do things (even though i had said it would feel nice to know what would feel helpful to him, since i see Service as a huge way of giving/receiving love for me…) I get triggered ! & also i get triggered whenever he suggests a different way… or asks me a question……. it’s my own toxic insecurities… because I am young…. & feel very “new” at home-making…. but also defensive, because i’ve been cooking for myself since age 11 ! lol

& also i feel weird being asked to help (again, i asked him to ask me) like make breakfast…. or help make the bed…. in a house where it isn’t My House…. like…. it still feels like His space ? & also, he hasn’t offered me The Commitment i really want – so what am i doing acting like a partner ?

but at the same time, i’m happy. i feel loved, cared for, cherished……

he said when we were discussing it that he is already living Commitment in relationship with me…. but i told him my Full Commitment looks like marriage….. & he said that sounds nice…… but i said i like our pace & i feel New still in this relationship….

so we just agreed to Slowness & slowly sharing & adjusting… & making mistakes & adjusting expectations……

it feels very frightening & loaded.

also, i feel Unsafe a little bit in sharing so much time & space with a man who has not given me what i see as my Full Commitment……….. yet, i would not want that this second anyway !

anyway, yes, ranting. catch 22. etc…. hm.

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 9:14am
348: lk says:

anyway, i’m practicing letting go of my defensiveness that screams, ” I don’t want to be a live-in girlfriend !! ”

so i can just date, feel my feelings, express my truth without blame or expectation, & receive love & allow that love to wash back over the world : )

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 9:17am
349: Siren Angel says:

Experiencing serious oxytocin withdrawal after spending the last seven nights with M.

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 9:19am
350: Femininewoman says:

Aurora thanks for indulging me with the details and I totally understand your reservations about sharing them. He sounds like someone who choose to upgrade himself and is still dealing with his demons. In my mind a diamond in the rough. As long as he is committed to his own evolution I believe that kind of person could be a very good partner with a lot of patience. We are all still a work in progress.

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 9:20am
351: Memulo says:

Lizka,

When a cute guy is talking to me, partly I think about myself. How pretty my dress is, how nice my hair looked in the mirror. The other part is feeling – how much do I like myself in his presence? Whatever he is saying – does it make me feel good?

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 9:32am
352: Memulo says:

SA,
Wow 7 nights is BIG!

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 9:34am
353: Memulo says:

SA,

I still have this WOW feeling about how you turned your relationship around.. I don’t know if I will ever have the strength

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 9:41am
354: Laughing Goddess says:

lk: I can totally relate to the dance you described. I think this just might be part of the process of growing a healthy relationship…learning about ourselves and what our triggers and needs are and trusting our boundaries.

It sounds like you two have a really solid foundation to build on and I see you navigating through this gracefully.

Just don’t give up on yourself and your dream.

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 9:43am
355: Femininewoman says:

lk “” I don’t want to be a live-in girlfriend !! ”

This is good if this is what you want so you can feel solid and secure in a relationship. So you can totally let go into deep surrender with no holds barred.

“he said when we were discussing it that he is already living Commitment in relationship with me….”

This is also good.

Now to find a way to let him know that what you want is important to you as part of your dream, your vision for your life and that you are prepared to walk away to go live your dream life. But you have to be willing to do that and accept that he might not want what you want. To find a way to allow him to feel that moving to the next level is his idea and will benefit his life.

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 9:46am
356: Siren Angel says:

STS @257,

I am just catching up on the blog. But yes, I do wonder how it all plays out in ‘family life’.

I love to cook, and he loves my cooking. I have to find a balance between cooking and not overfunctionning, letting him choose or even better suggest the meal plan, let him clean-up (he usually says ‘just leave it, I’ll do it’ which is sometimes hard for me to just leave it there.

I have my whole life cooked the meals in all my relationships, some of those years as a single mom so it’s a habit. This is a learning curve for me. I find balance in making the pancakes at breakfast for the kids while he’s still in bed, because well, I need to mother the kids! And he appreciates the effort so much. However, I am slacking off the dinners unless HE ASKS me too or suggests meal plans we can do together. It is right now a wait-and-see game that has rather paid off so far. I’m actually liking this.

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 9:53am
357: Siren Angel says:

Memulo @352,

THANK YOU!!!

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 9:54am
358: Starbright says:

LG 342
Thanks for your feedback! I have felt torn because I feel like more times than not I have been attracted to all types of unavailable men.

The available ones I meet don’t interest me for one reason or another. I want to get to the ones who are high quality and attractive to me and in all ways available!

I know at that point my intimacy triggers will show up. I do feel like I have had more than enough of wanting men who most likely will never step up for me. I have learned pining and rejection. I no longer choose that for myself!

How did you find men that were available that you were attracted to? A numbers thing with circular dating?

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 9:57am
359: Femininewoman says:

As part of my love me plan for February I put a picture of myself as a wallpaper on my phone. I wonder what my plan could be for March?

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 10:01am
360: Starbright says:

Brenda,

Your comment just got me thinking about where I am. It has felt difficult for me to find attractive available men….where are they? I am ready to learn about true intimacy.

Universe- I am now ready.

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 10:03am
361: Megan says:

Input please:

I am “giving up” (yay me!) on communication with a special fellow…
he is too young and inexperienced and just not capable of “catching” I feel.
he seems to be headstrong and caught up on blame and fault and not feelings.
Our last email he ended it with “let’s talk. I don’t like when you disappear, it worries me” after a long email of, again, “explaining” how I was wrong and he is right, essentially.

I am done talking about it. You can get nowhere with him. I want to express this without making it about him which is really hard since it basically is, lol, him.

this is what I have:

It feels good to hear you say I love you, that you care about my feelings and my happiness, that you worry.

I would love to talk about this and resolve it without getting into blame and fault but I feel 100% doubtful and hopeless of this.

For my well-being and for the sake of our potential future friendship, I am giving up.

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 10:07am
362: Megan says:

tweak:

*…and resolve it without feeling 100% at fault but I feel completely hopeless…

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 10:12am
363: April Rose says:

FW 313
“…commit to your own happiness and live it out regardless of what he is saying. Maybe he needs to feel that commitment that you will have it with or without him.”

Nice.

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 10:12am
364: Megan says:

tweak of the tweak:

*….and resolve it without feeling 100% at fault but it feels completely hopeless

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 10:13am
365: Megan says:

would it be insulting to say

“for my sanity and for….I am giving up” ?

should I even use the words “giving up”?

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 10:17am
366: Radiant Rising says:

Goodheart, I got an email for you. You can reach me at m.glory61@yahoo.com

Have an awesome day!

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 10:18am
367: Femininewoman says:

Megan ” I feel he seems to be headstrong and caught up on blame and fault and not feelings” seems to be focussed on how wrong he is and it is not a feeling, it is more a thought, in my opinion.

Maybe he debates a lot and it leaves you feeling drained? Maybe you feel helpless and like you want to pull your hair out when you go around in circles about the same topic? Maybe you have a position, he has one and you could both look for a third way that could possibly work for you? Taking a stance can really drive a relationship underground but it is likely that the same stance will be taken in another relationship. You might want to include in your message that you are invested in being happy rather than being right.

Saying you are done talking about it feels very final and like you have already closed a door, maybe even built up walls? I would ask myself what is that?

Just some thoughts…………

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 10:20am
368: Megan says:

no, I change my mind.

I don’t even want to bring fault into it. this is what I’m trying to get away from.
I feel so confused.
I don’t mind apologizing when I have offended or said something “wrong”, it just feels like I am the only one apologizing and I am constantly offending him whereas he is blind to his own offenses.

I feel so *HUGE SIGH*. confused.

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 10:21am
369: Femininewoman says:

Megan maybe “discussing it feels like I am beating my head against a brick. I don’t want to feel that way with you. I don’t want to argue.”

BTW what is the issue? Remember with men you have to be prepared to negotiate.

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 10:22am
370: Laughing Goddess says:

Starbright: 357

“How did you find men that were available that you were attracted to? A numbers thing with circular dating?”

For me, it was more of an energy thing than a numbers thing. I focused on appreciating and connecting with all the men in my life, friends, dad, men I would encounter in public.

I fell in love with life and nature and would see all of the good things happening in my life as the Divine Masculine courting me……I hope that makes sense.

I pursued my own passions…

and I ended up meeting my guy organically while doing treating myself to something I loved…going to hot springs.

I feel excited for your future. It seems like you’ve hit a pivotal point in realizing that unavailable men are no longer satisfying you.

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 10:27am
371: Megan says:

FW,

thanks for the response. I did not write that last one in response to you, I had not seen your response yet.

I do feel drained. I feel very drained. We do go in circles, but the topic is always him “explaining” how he is right and what I do/say that is wrong and offensive.
I’ve tried speaking in feeling messages, the word “you” is left completely out.

I’ve tried repeating, over and over, ” I want my feelings to be acknowledged”

he says “you can’t just keep saying that”

I am going to find one of our convos to illustrate the situation

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 10:28am
372: Megan says:

him: ofcourse i care about your feelings but i felt it was you that was wrong and should have apologised. it was only that i cared for you that i wrote to you

me: this is exactly it
that feels really really angry and harsh and blaming to me
that i “should” have apologized
and i was wrong
i dont want it to be about this AT ALL
it should be about feelings and if you hurt someones feelings that you love
you acknowledge that and try to make it right, regardless of who’s “fault” it was
i want my happiness to mean more than you being right or me being wrong
honestly i dont think i said anything that horrible to apologize
i did it bc you felt offended

him: firstly i think its wrong to believe that aslong as you say sorry thats all that matters, it defeats any sort of respect you should hold for someone you love or anybody
and secondly its bad that you apologised just cuz i was offended

me: i didnt feel cared for
i didnt want you to slag them off
and it felt insulting that you kept insisting thats what i wanted
comments were made that felt hurtful n insulting to me
and what about my feelings>
what about me feling insulted>

him: megan i never said anything to you to try and hurt you whereas you said things where it was just aimed at me and theres no other reason to say such things other than to hurt and youve sdone it many times before and thats where the difference is
this feels attacking
i dont want to feel attacked
i dont want to feel blamed
well what am i supposed to do
i dont want this to carry on
how else can i deal with it

me: I WANT MY FEELINGS TO BE ACKOWLEDGED

him: you cant just keep sayig that
i do ackowledge your feelings, i try my hardest. if i say something that you dont like tell me with some respect. it doenst give you the right to say bad stuff about me

***but this last line is a big fat LIE. I tell him, respectfully, in feeling messages, I’ve used lots of feeling messages and NEVER, EVER an
I’m sorry you feel that way or anything.
he just glosses right over it and goes back to him being offended and the horrible things I say to him

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 10:39am
373: Megan says:

the part where it says:

I dont want to feel attacked
I dont want to feel blamed
this is ME

then he replies:
well what am I supposed to do
i dont want this to carry on

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 10:43am
374: Megan says:

his closest friends know how stubborn he is and that there is no rationalizing, they tell me this and they say that they always just give up, there’s no getting anywhere with him.

in the past when I have used feeling messages, sometimes he says:
you can word it that way but I’m not dumb, I know what you’re really insinuating, I know what you really mean

it’s maddening when i think of the effort I have put in NOT to offend him, not to argue, and I am always left feeling unacknowledged, hurt

it feels like I’m being a punching bag and taking on too much blame and biting my lip too much in an effort to salvage it and get somewhere without offending him or making it about him

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 10:54am
375: Megan says:

I wish I could just tell him that last line

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 10:56am
376: Starbright says:

369 Laughing Goddess,

Reading your thoughts brings tears to my eyes! And the way in whIch you found your guy sounds so lovely. It would feel so good to create in a very similar way. I thank you so much for sharing. It means a lot to me! I feel seen and appreciate knowing your positive story of meeting someone organically!

Starbright

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 10:58am
377: lk says:

dxmn. reading a list of oprah’s “issues that follow you from childhood” or whatever. i feel a little nervous at how big of an axshole i am o_0 lol

so far i’m counting: entitlement , social isolation , dependence , & hypochondria

those are really bad. i’m a serious jerk if those are true.

but i’m not that bad… & i know i’m an entitled, self-isolated, dependent, hypochondriac brat actually. thank you. but i’m also a wife of Ghandi – i’m a buddha ! i’m the center of a star. i’ve never existed : )

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 11:07am
378: Femininewoman says:

Megan he might be stubborn and controlling. The “shoulds” suggest that he might be controlling. That said I believe you might be pushing his stubborn buttons that causes him to resist. For instance if I got a sentence via email with all caps I know I would be turned off and want to fight. Reason being that it feels to me like someone is shouting at me.

He is saying he feels attacked. That is how he feels.
He might want his feeling validated. He might want to feel heard. He might just be reflecting you back to yourself here.

this whole paragraph feels argumentative to me
and blaming to me

me: i didnt feel cared for
i didnt want you to slag them off
and it felt insulting that you kept insisting thats what i wanted
comments were made that felt hurtful n insulting to me
and what about my feelings>
what about me feling insulted>”

I will continue to tell my impression in another post.

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 11:07am
379: Megan says:

I feel doubting of myself now…

am I wanting/asking too much?
I am not wanting him to take RESPONSIBILITY for all my feelings, but I want him to CARE.

Don’t guys apologize, sympathize, say SOMETHING nice, kind, compassionate, even when it’s not their fault??
don’t they just want you to be happy???
it seems his own ego comes before my happiness

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 11:08am
380: Megan says:

FW,

those bits were taken from a skype convo

and I was the one saying i feel attacked, that was a typo where I forgot to caption that is was me speaking

and it always feels argumentative and blaming with him, to me. evrytime I try to express myself in feeling messages it’s always responded with what I did wrong.
I. am NEVER. validated.

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 11:13am
381: Goodheart says:

Radiant, I am sending you an email

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 11:15am
382: Femininewoman says:

Megan “and secondly its bad that you apologised just cuz i was offended” to me, this is him asking you to go into your feelings and share that. I have to agree with him here. A lot of what is happening in the conversation seems masculine from your end. Also it is best to discuss these things in person. It is easy to misunderstand through emails.

Megan does this

“him: ofcourse i care about your feelings but i felt it was you that was wrong and should have apologised. it was only that i cared for you that i wrote to you”

really feel angry and harsh or is it just that you are triggered by those “words”? Could it be that someone in your past used those words to you to try and control you. I don’t like him telling you that you were wrong but you know what, you could have agreed with him there.

Maybe something like “you know what you are right or it is something for me to really think about. Maybe we are not a match and this is helping me to ask myself if you are what I want or if this is the kind relationship I want. Thank you for bringing this up and helping me to really look at myself. My happiness is very important to me” or something to that effect.

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 11:16am
383: Femininewoman says:

Megan. Ok. Many guys have a very difficult time apologizing, at least until they know they want to make you happy.

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 11:17am
384: lk says:

a lot i feel like an ugly starved little orphan who digs her way out with magical hard work & determination & a little “knack” …. however, this makes me believe that… 1) i play by my own rules 2) i’m alone 3) any support must be clung to 4) catastrophe is coming

LOL

well i can help myself out a lot on these ones. it’s helping me to see my Kitchen Anxieties too… (which by the way have become insane at this point lol)…

i’m a good girl.

are there “rules” ?

the non-conventional part of me says, No Rules, lk !

well…. then how can i have the relationship i want if i say for me there are no rules ? i want some rules i think. no rules, still she says.

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 11:19am
385: Femininewoman says:

Arguing with him obviously will not get your feelings validated. However, validating his might inspire him to validate yours. Maybe stepping totally away after letting him know that you expect him to cherish your feelings and you are not feeling that way with him, especially when you feel like you are always wrong might give him time to look at himself. Standing up to him by arguing won’t get you there though. That is what guys do and I believe is very masculine energy. All he needs to know is that it feels bad to you.

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 11:21am
386: Femininewoman says:

Megan my sense of you is that you are a beautiful strong woman trying to love and get love. Can I encourage you to try and go into your body to really feel your feelings. Can I encourage you to stop capitalizing your words in your email? Look for things about yourself that you can change so your brain can register that you changing to total feminine

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 11:24am
387: Megan says:

FW,

I feel on edge to your responses.

I feel I am trying very hard to stay in feeling messages and expressing so how is it masculine to you?

and when you say you agree with him about the apology. this feels very, very confusing. You offend someone, you apologize. no?
this feels getting into blame.

i feel very triggered and defensive.
you have one snippet of one argument.
every single argument I am wrong and he doesn’t apologize or acknowledge his offenses.

Obviously I do not want to argue anymore. I know this will not get my feelings validated. I have told him, repeatedly, I want my feelings to be acknowledged, this feels bad, this feels blaming and attacking.
should he not get it by now that I feel bad???
before this convo I had tried speaking with him about it and i had to end it with
“this feels bad, I want to hear you but I don’t want to feel this bad”

he blatantly says things that are offensive that are NEVER ackowledged by him but my offenses are magnified.
i can’t be the only one offending in 100% of all cases.
There has to be a middle ground.
I feel bitter and resentful at apologizing for it’s like he eats it up and then when he feels better,moves on, and my feelings are left, shattered on the floor.

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 11:32am
388: lk says:

entitlement: i believe that i “should” have “whatever i want” & that something about *me* makes me more deserving of this than a random person.

i do not believe that. i believe that this Life is just one single Scenario that i am living out. i don’t believe that me “getting” anything will reduce someone else’s chances of “getting” something. i don’t think i need anything. i sort of “need” food & water, etc. but not really. i give myself permission to “desire” things without really caring about them, & without viewing my “material” situation “in comparison” with others.

entitlement: i believe that there are separate Rules for me because I am Special.

i don’t believe that exactly…. but i believe something like that….. about Rules… & how the Rules aren’t True…. like Student Loans & how by pursuing a diversity mission & by handing out student loans like candy, we have an entire generation of Academically & Institutionally Enslaved. very unfortunate & strange. i feel grateful that i don’t have student loans. so….. I do actually believe that the only Rules i have to live by are my own. i’m not sure if that’s bad… but sometimes it is. i’m sure that once I myself actually agree with my own Rules, then i’ll feel better. & i give myself permission to trust other people that i love when they share their opinions about Rules without feeling Punished or Judged.

i want to make my own Rules for myself & i want to be respectful of the Rules in which other people Believe.

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 11:36am
389: Siren Angel says:

Megan,

Maybe it would help if we knew more about your relationship with this man. Have you been seeing him long? Are you in a relationship with him? How you met him? What is the arguing ABOUT exactly?

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 11:36am
390: Femininewoman says:

Megan you are the only one “here” so the work that has to be done is with you. No one can control his behavior, only he can. No one is suggesting that you are the only one offending.

What he is telling you about the apology is how he is receiving it. As women we tend to want to be nice and giving and feel that if we don’t we are being rude. Men are different. I take it that maybe he is thinking that no apology is even necessary.

He should get that you feel bad yes. But the thing is that you stand in his face and argue with him rather than leaving to take care of your feelings. Men stand up and fight. Women walk away and go cry. Do you see the difference here?

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 11:38am
391: Megan says:

I feel like agreeing with him about this statement:

“him: ofcourse i care about your feelings but i felt it was you that was wrong and should have apologised. it was only that i cared for you that i wrote to you”

only feeds into the blame game.

and what am I even wrong about?????
ugggghh I feel like bawling exhausted, completely drained, someone please just tell me what to do
bc no offense, but none of this feels right

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 11:38am
392: lk says:

in the Kitchen, i feel entitled to laziness because i’m a woman – i’m a feminist – i’m a blazing saddle with diamonds between my legs – i don’t take orders. eff you bxtches.

ok, lk. thanks for sharing.

what else ?

i feel entitled to do things my way in the Kitchen because this is my effing zone & i’m doing whatever i want & your mama does not know better than my mama.

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 11:39am
393: Femininewoman says:

“You offend someone, you apologize. no?”

Not always. This seems like coddling a man’s feelings sometimes. He can take care of his own feelings. As you can already tell arguing is useless.

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 11:41am
394: Femininewoman says:

Megan you are so triggered by the word wrong. Can you see that? As long as that word is used it seems like you cannot hear anything else. What do you think?

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 11:43am
395: Megan says:

I feel furious. I feel I want to blast him out.

I feel furious for anyone supporting him and his stubbornness.

I wish I had a chart to showcase how many times I’ve accepted fault that wasn’t mine just to resolve it and how many times he hasn’t and it’s been left open-ended. It shouldn’t be this hard to get an apology or TO GET TO FEELING BETTER.

I feel so confused and doubting, I love my doubt but it feels HORRIBLE, panicky, urgent, I don’t want to feel I messed this up, I don’t feel like I did. this can’t all be me. I feel tears streaming down now.
I’ve already apologized and poured my heart out and afterwards, when my feelings were still unacknowledged it felt ANGRY AND BITTER and makes me not want to apolgize ever again for it is taken,snatched up, with nothing in return.

I feel sooooo much grief and tears and hopelessness.

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 11:43am
396: Starbright says:

Megan,

This sounds frustrating! Have you looked at Ror’s Toxic Man program? It can help you look at things and see if this is an issue.

And, what could really benefit you is in the examples she has with role playing with women in the audience in dealing with men.

The love script programs could also be helpful.

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 11:43am
397: lk says:

social isolation: i believe i am an alien & totally misunderstood & “Quirky” with Oddities & Bizarreness & Eccentricities & Kinks………

i believe this. i feel like a frxak & people say i’m weird all the time. co-workers, family, friends. i suppose they are trying to help, but it usually feels more confusing. thank you, humans, for trying to assist. i’ll continue my efforts & try to be more receptive to yours as well. by the way, though, i feel more Normal every day actually i think. i learn a little every day. i’m practicing ! i love my practice : )

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 11:45am
398: Megan says:

I have to go unfortunately, get ready for work.

I feel very triggered and I really want to continue this FW.

I feel sorry for any offense I may have caused, I am not meaning to say these things AT you, but to you.

I hope we can continue later…
I am feeling very sad.

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 11:46am
399: Rori Raye says:

Arno – I want to answer you, because my life was saved (literally and every other way), by my gay male friends long ago – and I’ve discovered, through coaching so many women (and 1 or two men) who want to be the feminine energy partner in a relationship – that it’s all the same for us women and for you – except for this: hormones. Your body works differently because you’re a man. Your mind works differently in many ways. Your training has been different, and the cultural cues around you are different. You have testosterone, dopamine, vasopressin, and estrogen in varying and different ways than we do…and combined with other personality factors that we all deal with – things can get challenging. I cannot offer advice in the way you’d like – but I say to EVERYONE:

Nutrition, hormonal issues, supplements, holistic, natural, chinese medicine, spiritual work – ALL are HUGE! What makes one person pick themselves up, dust themselves off and start all over again might make another person – perhaps you in this situation – crumble. We tend to look down on people who crumble – and so when we DO crumble – we beat ourselves up on top of it all! I say to anyone – go do research, go to a Western Doctor and an alternative doctor, read, go to meditation centers.

For mood and self-esteem – Food and supplements make a huge difference. Stop sugar, stop gluten, take omega 3′s, walk in the air, do things you love. Get professional help. If you feel that you might have an addictive personality – substances, food – a man…go to CODA. Life is short. Help yourself enjoy it. Love, Rori

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 11:48am
400: Femininewoman says:

Megan this that you said in 394 “with nothing in return” is key and what I was kind of referring to. He might be experiencing the apologies as you looking to control the outcome.

If you apologize, do it because that is what your intuition is telling you to do. It should not be with the aim at getting something in return. I understand it might be difficult or counterintuitive but that is what get results.

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 11:49am
401: Femininewoman says:

No No. Megan no offense at all. We all have to wade through the muck to get to the other side.

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 11:51am
402: Femininewoman says:

Megan you might have some angered stuffed down and it is good to get them in the open, even if it is on here until you can do it in your life.

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 11:52am
403: lk says:

in the Kitchen, i feel socially isolated because i feel like Everyone Expects It To Be Done Differently….. & i get triggered thinking of CD sometimes saying, “no…” or “that doesn’t sound that good” because it reminds me of my mama saying, that sounds weird !

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 11:54am
404: Mochaberri says:

Hello Sirens!! Trying to get some work done at work…lol – haven’t been able to check in a lot today.

@ FW #175 – not sure who you were addressing but it really inspired me. I know that this is how I’ve been with KR and understand how it has delayed our growth. I experience anxiety a lot and it has led me to call him and when I don’t get the response I was looking for I get even more anxious. And the truth is that what’s beneath it all is fear.

As I’m beginning to feel those feelings and sit with them it allows me to be true to myself and true to him when he comes towards me. I can say what I feel and trust that he hears and cherishes them. My only struggle is to let go of the blame as to why I’m feeling the fellings I’m feeling.

I feel that it’s because I express my feelings to him is what draws him in even when things aren’t going well and he trys to outgirl me with his feelings. Our connection is truly emotional

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 11:56am
405: Siren Angel says:

Megan, it sounds like he may have anger or other similar issues that are beyonf your control. How long have you been with this man? Is this the 1st time he is like this?

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 12:00pm
406: Arno says:

Thanks Rori,

I know it will take time though, and I completely understand now, because I tried to handle it the way my girlfriends would.

Love

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 12:01pm
407: lk says:

dependence: i believe that i require the input of another person to make the Correct Choice & i believe i am being Abandoned when the other person removes themselves from the situation.

i do believe this, only because i usually am only doing what i’m doing because someone else has a vested interest in me doing it. you see ? otherwise… choices for myself ? i suppose i feel afraid of that concept because i’m afraid of Hurting or Disappointing the other person by Failing to Complete The Task in an Acceptable way….

dependence: i believe i gain value from being observed.

for some reason, i also believe this. i feel supported by the mere act of aware presence…. like… my dad used to say, “you don’t want help; you just want company” lol that’s really true : ) i’m sorry, humans. i try. i really try. i do my best & i know you do your best.

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 12:06pm
408: lk says:

(((Arno))) hugs

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 12:17pm
409: lk says:

dependence in the kitchen ? honestly, a lot of the time i would go hungry if there was no one feeding me. i eat so many things “plain” too that it’s really easy for me to open the fridge, grab a handful of lettuce, some walnuts, & an apple & go back to my business.

also, i have been mostly dependent on other people for my food until about 1.5 year ago… so i forgive myself & also i intend to take more responsibility for my healthy eating & food preparation activities & also i intend to allow myself to have my own preferences & desires, independent of others’, while still respecting their opinions.

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 12:29pm
410: lk says:

hypochondriac: i believe that the end is coming & that i am inherently Weak or Weaker Than…

hmm… i do kind of believe this also. i believe that being small should change the physical expectations that others have of me. i also tend to focus on the Frailty of the human body, but only because it feels safe for me to keep Mortality near to my center… it feels Comforting & Lovely… i forgive myself : ) i don’t even believe in Guilt !

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 12:36pm
411: Siren Angel says:

How do you add a Gravatar to the blog?

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 12:39pm
412: lk says:

in the Kitchen, my hypochondriac self believes she is being Put Upon & is Too Weak & Tired & Confused for helping…. also, she believes she is being Attacked by any perceived criticism. poor girl !

i give myself permission to ask for help & i give myself permission to do something a way that makes everyone else think to themselves, “poor girl can’t even boil water” lol

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 12:40pm
413: Femininewoman says:

Hi ,

Do you want to know how to unlock the beautiful, feminine, sexual being that you are?

Do you want to unlock the power that will make men swoon?

Do you want to be in control of whom you attract into your life?

I’m going to share an exercise that I’ve talked about before that I want all of you to do. It’s one of the best exercises in the world. I’ll give you a little background:

As men and women, we really are very primal. A man wants to feel like he’s the King; he wants to feel like he’s the king of the cave; he wants to feel like he’s the caveman bring home the food. He wants his woman to adore him.

I’m not talking about being a pushover or anything. I’m just saying that if you adore the man, and he’ll adore you back. Because deep down, no matter how succe ssful you might be as a woman, you still want to feel like a princess. You still want to feel like a queen. You want to be protected.

The only way to do that is to really unlock your pure primal sexual being. If you unlock your pure primal sexual being, a man awakens. He feels alert. He feels alive. And he’s intrigued.

A lot of women have trouble doing this because they’re so busy in the work world, fighting with men, battling with men, earning the money and so forth, that they never unlock it. Plus, they’re afraid due to their own programming—mainly programming from their past, the programming that they had growing up. Parents telling them not to let their sexual energy out—‘you’ll be a slut’—whatever it might be. So what happens is most women don’t unlock their true sexual being. And that’s where everything goes wrong.

So here’s what I want you to do: the next time you see a man that you’re attracted to, instead of doing the usual—waiting for him to approach, or maybe doing the coy smile or looking down at the ground and doing nothing—I want you to unlock that feminine goddess sexual being.

I want you to look at him and I want you to imagine that you can give him the best damn blowjob he’s ever had in his entire life. You can even picture a blowjob that you gave to a guy that brought him down to his knees. I want you to realize that you can take this man and bring him down to his knees instantly. I want you to look at him as you’re picturing that.

What happens is that you’re going to smile. You might even blush. You might start laughing. And he’s going to look at you and he’s going to feel that. It’s a primal thing.

He’s going to wonder what you’re thinking. And he’s going to immediately feel attracted to you because you’re different than any other woman. You’re a mystery. There’s intrigue. He wants to find out what you’re thinking. The gutsy guy may ask you and you can just tell him you’re having a good day, with a smile.

The bottom line is by unlocking that true sexual goddess inside, you’re going to be able to really attract more men in your life than ever before. But more importantly, you’re going to start to have the sexual experiences that you deserve. You’re going to become that sexual being that you deserve . And you’re finally going to understand how to really pull over some really good men, because it’s about being primal.

Tarzan still wanted Jane, but Jane knew how to unlock the beast in Tarzan. But the modern woman doesn’t. It’s time for you to get visual. It’s time for you to start imagining. And it’s time for you to unlock that thing, that very primal thing, and watch the results fly in.

Every client I’ve ever done this with has been immensely successful and they’ve met men that they have never met before.

It’s your turn.

Your friend,

David Wygant

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 12:41pm
414: Femininewoman says:

10 Ways to Get a Man to Approach You

And these are 10 of my favorites. Let’s go backwards and start with my least favorite firs.t

The Top 10 Ways to Start a Conversation with a Man You’re Attracted To:

10. When at a bar, scrunch up a napkin, dip it into your glass of water and throw it at his head and smile at him. Trust me, this works.

9. When at a bar, pass him a note on a napkin like you used to do when you were in grammar school. Say something funny and clever on it like, “Hey, can you bring that bowl of peanuts over to this table over here? We’re hungry.” And get the waiter to bring that note over there.

8. When in a supermarket pushing your cart, head directly towards his cart and ram him, and then look at him with a smile and say, “I hope you have insurance.”

7. When at a coffee shop, look at him, smile, hold your hand out and let it shake and say, “I better get this caffeine or I’m going to lose my mind today.” (Remember, do it with a smile so he doesn’t think you’re crazy.)

6. When in a restaurant and you’re sitting near him at a table, walk over to him and ask him for a bite of his food. Do it once again with a smile.

5. When in line at the supermarket and you’re behind him, take a look at the food that he has on the conveyor belt, look at him and say, “You got enough to share with me tonight?” That’s being really bold. Try it and see what happens.

4. When in the elevator in your office building and the guy standing next to is a guy you’ve always wanted to talk to, look at him and tell him that you’re telepathic and you know exactly what he’s thinking next. Elevators are strangely awkward and it’s a good thing to break the ice with a joke.

3. When you see a guy that you’re most attracted to, just smile and say, “Hello.” It doesn’t matter where you are. Everyone says hello back. (Everyone worth talking to.)

2. Drop the iPhone or the Blackberry or any other electronic device, be more aware of your surroundings, and make eye contact with the men you find attractive. (And I’m not talking about that quick 3-millisecond eye contact that I see women do, I’m talking about real, lasting, earth-shifting eye contact.)

1. My favorite way to start a conversation with a man and to attract a man in your life is stop waiting for men to approach you and to start using everything in your toolbox – from number 2 to number 10 – and realize that this is your life and you have to take responsibility for it.

The reason why they’re not approaching you is because you won’t make yourself available to be approached. You think you might be, but you’re not – otherwise, they would have approached you by now.

So go get ‘em ladies! And if you want to knowThe Art Of Attracting Men: The Inside Truth To The Way A Man’s Mind Works click here.

Your friend,

David Wygant

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 12:50pm
415: lk says:

i love my bratty, insecure self & i pour love on her & i give her permission to forgive herself, no intermediate guilt, just doing things differently & feeling good. i commit to practicing in the Kitchen, since i’ve been feeling bad-ish in the Kitchen. sad little girl lk. remember now mama says, Don’t Sweep Like That & then i have to do it again & i do it wrong & it’s all wrong & i’m crying & no one cares…. someone sees me with the hot water, yells Careful ! i spill on my tummy & the skin burns & i want to be mad like, you distracted me, but i know i knew the water was hot, i was holding the water, i know where my tummy is…. the boy says, that’s not how my mother does it… the boy says, why don’t you be the Assistant in the kitchen ?. the boy is late. the other boy, it’s all my job for the kitchen. the man is watching me hold the knife & yelling at me. it’s all wrong & i’m a danger to everyone even though i’m alone in the kitchen. i cry cutting onions & it’s my fault. i’m tired of feeling so Wrong in the kitchen. i don’t even want to be there anymore. sweating making cookies with the other boy, saying, i don’t even know why i’m cracking the eggs like this… i never do it this way… i don’t know. i know how to crack eggs. but i’m doing it a “wrong” way on purpose, like afraid to show my Real Way of doing things…. the boy’s Mama telling everyone i “don’t eat” of course i eat. the Man telling his mama i don’t cook. the mama telling the Man i don’t cook & i better learn to cook. them laughing. i feel like crying. i feel demeaned, i feel devalued. this is why i return to the Entitled Alienated Dependent Hypochondriac. it feels easier. i don’t do that. i don’t know how to do that. i need help doing that. i’m not able to do that.” wayyyy better than Believing, “i feel very challenged when i do that”

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 12:54pm
416: Memulo says:

SA,

May I ask what you think about my situation?

Currently my intention is if I hear from him again not to be in a rush to respond.

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 1:03pm
417: lk says:

in the house, i used to think, it’s just the 3 of us. if i mess up so badly that someone has to take sides, it will ruin the whole family. aww i’m crying (((((lk)))))

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 1:04pm
418: lk says:

1. Is it possible that your partner didn’t understand exactly what you wanted?

2. Could your partner be stressed about other things, or have a lot on his mind?

3. Is this issue more important to your partner than you realize?

4. Is it possible that your partner doesn’t have all the facts that you have?

5. Are you reading between the lines things that your partner doesn’t intend to be saying?

6. Are your partner’s actions driven by a deeper need that’s legitimate and important to him?

7. Is your partner afraid he’s going to lose something crucial if he does things the way you want?

8. Would your partner be as angry as you are if the roles were reversed?

9. Is it possible that this situation is about legitimately different needs or expectations?

10. Keeping in mind that 96 percent of the time the likelihood that your partner will respond in a positive or negative way depends on the attitude that you have in the beginning moments of a conversation, how would you like to open this discussion with your partner?

Brent Atkinson, PhD

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 1:08pm
419: lk says:

i feel de-sexualized when i make a “Mistake” in the Kitchen o_0

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 1:14pm
420: Lizka says:

Hmmm… So so new today…

E has a girlfriend. They’ve been together for 1 or 2 weeks… He was extremely flirting with me last Saturday in front of all his frienda and cuddeling me and even kissed me. Helloooo?

I’m not really jealous, just feeling shake…

We’ve been seeing each other off and on for 5 yeara. It’s just weird to hear such a thing today…

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 1:16pm
421: lk says:

i consider kitchen/home duties to be one of the prime Gifts that i will bring to a Partnership

i feel de-sexualized & unattractive when i feel Criticized in these areas

& i feel unsafe & devalued being asked to share these gifts in an uninhibited way outside of a Forever Commitment

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 1:26pm
422: lk says:

i feel wonderfully happy & empowered doing home/kitchen things that make the house feel warm, clean, healthy, nurturing.

i feel trusted & valued when my gifts are requested or appreciated.

it would feel much easier & i would have less internal resistance to sharing these things in a Committed relationship.

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 1:30pm
423: Femininewoman says:

Lizka he might have “friend zoned” you. Flirting is just a fun activity that makes men feel masculine and sexual. It doesn’t necessarily mean that they want a relationship with you. Just that in that moment they wanted to have fun.

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 1:31pm
424: Memulo says:

Gfriend after 1 or 2 weeks? lol

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 1:32pm
425: Femininewoman says:

RE 418 thanks lk for sharing that. Some really good questions to consider.

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 1:33pm
426: Silver-Tongued Siren says:

So, after MILW left yesterday afternoon… to go to his real estate meet n greet- which hmm I never asked how it went.. and he never mentioned it…
he went to a female friend of ours’ birthday party.. a group I’m backing away from… because I don’t feel they are very strong friends at all.

anyway, I was up really late. at 4:30 he texted “be there after I drop ____ couple of people off” and a while later I texted “side door is open”

.. I think he came here because we had a friend coming by at 11am to photograph the house and discuss rental information. And since he was up late, it would be easier for him to stay here and wake up later..

even though the “apartment” is only 7-10 mins away.

but that’s me analyzing again.
of course he also had beautiful, incredible, magical me, to cuddle up with. and our little one.

and guess what?! even though he went out, he seemed pretty sober when he came in. he didn’t look or act like he’d been drinking much – (and i can tell in his face and that he doesn’t remember things sometimes) – this is a great sign – because he really only drinks a lot when he is feeling unhappy. I am glad that he was so sober I couldn’t even tell if he’d had more than one drink!? AND he came in, got in bed, and cuddled me, wrapped his arm around me, me laying on my back, and HIM turned towards ME, caressing my skin, even after I thought he was asleep, moving his fingers gently against my skin. ….ohhhh yes..and cuddling with me FACING me in the mornings lately. He only does this when he feels good!!!

I experienced slight irritation this morning when discussing rental terms – he said I wouldn’t be staying here, he wants me to go stay with his mom or something (…… outside the city- good 30-hour away depending on traffic). I don’t WANT this, I want to feel familiar and comfortable (if sleeping on an air mattress in my studio/laundry is comfortable ) and feel good about having so many people in my house – and be here to give them rides to/from airport (we had discussed that!), and maybe even have appointments with them or other clients. Which MILW offered up adding in my services to the rental info – perhaps thinking of me and the additional value, however, I shared right then I do not want to have to drive all the way from his mom’s for an appointment..

yeah I don’t know – but ..do I want to be right or do I want to be happy?!

He has been so good – even feeling resentment, he has STILL PAID the rent, he has taken on my car insurance, and my phone. He has wanted to rent the kids room since January and we have gotten no one. And we’re about to have another renter leave this week. SO, …he wants to make as much money as possible.

I would rather be happy. not right. And I will be happy to spend a “vacationy” week or two with his mom if need be, … helping her set her house back up after moving back from out of state. And she can get to see baby!

I can drive for an appointment if MILW will watch baby.. (but where will HE be? could I not stay with him? but he didn’t offer! and that’s okay! I am happy anyway!)

We may stand to make more money than I thought, also. So, maybe he will even give me TWO car payments from this money. I see him growing… I like that. I feel good noticing the things he does for me.

___BF on the other hand, still no word on that email. I commented on a couple of his fb links since he has contacted me shortly a couple of times plus a phone call and liked/shared some of my fb links. …. i get the feeling he wants me to stay happy with him even though he hasn’t said anything about the email. How should I react/respond to that?…. I am not sure how I feel.

I feel scared to know what he thinks. I feel scared to be rejected, I feel scared to be wanted. Maybe I am actually ok with him not writing, but no it feels bad that he wouldn’t WANT me. I want him to WANT me. is that okay? that’s how I feel.

If he really wanted me, then maybe he wouldn’t care what I’m doing over here, he would just say YES, and get me over there with him.

he is now (due to overbearing landlord) moving into a tiny apartment instead of the 2br house/yard he had gotten. He had told me he intended to get a roommate but I think he really wanted us to move there with him and have a nice space. … but I didn’t because of no commitment for starters.

lalalala gotta go get the bookkeeping DONNNE baby! Then I hope tomorrow will be sunny and I will begin to work on painting the house!!!! so happy!

ps I have been so happy I posted a VERY happy post on FB, seriously worried it was overwhelming people with happiness, and I got GOOD responses to it. people feeling inspired, feeling love! That felt wonderful!

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 1:36pm
427: Memulo says:

Has anyone ever tried to follow The Rules book?

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 1:44pm
428: Silver-Tongued Siren says:

oh yes. when we woke up this morning I initiated sex.. good and he went a long time wanting to please me (where when he is unhappy he will just do what he does..and be done).. but I couldn’t finish..three times now and couldn’t..but felt more connection again. …. working my way up there… just feeling happy and good with him…. just let him go, and he will be mine – he has said this so many times. he has things inside himself he needs to heal and face..

not sure what I’m doing here exactly, I mean it seems maybe not the right thing but it feels right/feels good?…

just relaxing. and I feel really happy overall, regardless of him.

I think MIRRORING is working VERY well.
in combination with other things.

When he left this morning he gave me a kiss and said he was out of here but he didn’t say where to. He has work appts today and I think I asked if he had other work this morning before that- and I think I would’ve felt better had I not asked about his plans at ALL. sometimes I do better than others.

anyway, he’s off and I’m gettin things DONE!

happyhappy!

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 1:48pm
429: Lizka says:

FW i hear you but it was not just flirtig. There was touchin and kissin involved.

I didn’t say I thought he wanted to have a relationship. I just think he’s an idiot to kiss me when he just got in a new relationship. Poor girl.

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 1:55pm
430: Lizka says:

Memulo 424 -

Was that post related to my post about E? I so, here is the answer:

No they’ve been dating since at least November because in November when him and I were dating he invited me to bowling and invited her too. This is the night i escaped and he got really angry at me… He said she was just a friend but as I see now she wasen’t…

I believe they are officially together for a few weeks since they made it official on Facebook today…

Oh well, I don’t really care, he already cheated on her. Looser

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 2:06pm
431: Lizka says:

I don’t care about E an he’s girlfriend but I’m feeling a little low…

NVVVVVVVVVVVssss

I’m in a “I think no one likes me and no one will ever loves me” phase…

E now has a girlfriend super official on Facebook.

His best friend who had a crush on me didn’t care about me like he use to do when he saw me at the club on Saturday.

None of the 3 hot guys from the club Saturday has contacted me yet… Been a week, I think I can forget it.

The sexy old CD who I thought was now single didn’t answered to my message…

DjCD has poofed.

ATW is still around but not very active and doesn’t seem super interested…

Wow. CDing doesn’t really rock for me lately…

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 2:12pm
432: Lizka says:

Oh and ATW haven’t call me for a date for the weekend yet… So I guess another weekend without him…

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 2:21pm
433: Memulo says:

Lizka,

Time to find others.. still after years of grey area with these guys, maybe it’s the best solution?

Sorry I am feeling shaky myself and didn’t find the ground to stay strong and confident yet with my situation. Wish I could help more

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 2:21pm
434: lk says:

we can all find peace & i believe we all will

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 2:25pm
435: Lizka says:

Memulo –

It seems that even the new guys doesn’t stick.

I met THREE guys on Saturday, the 3 of them were all into me. None of them has call…

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 2:27pm
436: Memulo says:

Lizka,

There will be more-) You are beautiful, get out, go to parties, practice.. have fun!

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 2:29pm
437: Lizka says:

And I don’t find others. I just DON’T!

Lately, I never get invited to parties and my friends are
All into their own relationships… My only social life is work…

I feel like crying

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 2:31pm
438: femmystique says:

Memulo @427

I have both the Rules books (1 & 2) and I do read them over again from time to time;
and think their advice is similar to Rori’s in that you don’t initiate, you take care of your self and keep your self out there; you remain open to men who come to you, you don’t get hung up on one man until he shows up with a ring and a proposal

If you are involved and he is not stepping up, its’ ….NEXT!
(I think that is where that saying originated from)

Rori wants us to go for what our Happily Ever After is, not necessarily a ring and marriage if that is not what you want.
(Mel and Her Mr A come to mind)
Blessings,
Femm

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 2:36pm
439: Sun Goddess says:

Wow, dating sites scare me and make me feel even more insecure. I feel like crying right now. I hate my stomach and that’s all I can think of when I see a guys picture with a nice body. I feel not good enough.

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 2:41pm
440: Lizka says:

((((((SUn Goddess))))))

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 2:42pm
441: Lizka says:

I think I’m going to lean forward on ATW because my weekend is almost already all booled and Ireally want to see him since I have see him only 3 times in the last month and that is really not enough for me… That is NOT what I want.

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 2:44pm
442: Sun Goddess says:

This is going tone a long, lonely weekend!

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 2:44pm
443: Memulo says:

Femm,

Thank you-) I looked briefly at the book and it feels like playing a game, especially with returning of phone calls the next day or never returning them.

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 2:49pm
444: Memulo says:

Lizka,

I don’t know if you are asking for our opinion on leaning fwd with ATW, but mine is negative-)

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 2:54pm
445: Lizka says:

Im stuck in the bus for 58 minutes now in traffic and in the snowstorm. I’m also stuck with my thoughts in this bus. (the ride is usually 15 minutes!!!)

If only the d*mm bus would arrive, I could focus on something else and forget to lean forward!!!

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 2:58pm
446: lk says:

Among the top regrets of the dying patients Ware cared for were these five:

1. “I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.”

2. “I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.”

3. “I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.”

4. “I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.”

5. “I wish that I had let myself be happier.”

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 3:08pm
447: lk says:

i feel a little weird… i said to cd that “it would feel good to talk on the phone about dinner” …. & he never called….. i assume that means that he bought groceries & is planning on cooking, yes ? still a little “off” feeling about feeling like i’m Waiting for a call… as i don’t like to Wait By The Phone – feels demeaning. Old scripts : )

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 3:26pm
448: Memulo says:

Haha LK I just realized after your comment that I feel kind of ‘off’ also because I am essentially ‘waiting for a phone call’. Though I was specifically asked when I am available and told that he was going to call.

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 3:42pm
449: Emerson says:

my new potential CD I met online (who I have not named yet) was coming on strong…we had a great convo on the phone and I was using all kinds of feeling messages! Then cooled off.
I was really liking him and then he made a comment that turned me off…he asked for more pics. I felt annoyed…I still like him tho.
Well I guess they are guys and he has not met me soo…maybe he gets a pass.
He is a few years younger, about six years younger. what do you sirens think about that?

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 5:04pm
450: Femininewoman says:

Emerson I used to feel put off too when they asked for more pictures. I was in a place where I was not feeling confident about my looks. Plus I also believed that they only wanted women who were pretty. I have now come to accept that men are visual creatures. None have come back to say I was not gorgeous or that they did not want to date after I sent the additional picture.

The last one who asked I told him that pictures can lie. Plus some people use younger pics on the site and I feel open to meeting so the picture will be real and first hand. He still wanted to meet even though I did not send the pic.

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 5:23pm
451: Sassy says:

Where is everybody tonite? Everyone “off island” having a good time in their “real lives “? Lol
I feel soooo much love just being emitted out of my heart and soul lately. Wow, it feels fabulous and warm and mushy. I believe JT feels it even though it’s not only directed to him. I want to always feel this. No looking at the past, no beating myself up, no searching my soul endlessly trying to figure out what made or makes me say or do or think the way I did or do. Just move forward, just pour out love from my heart and send it to everyone.
Can you feel it? Are you open to receiving it?
Let’s just go with that goodness and lightness and beauty of our souls.

Much love

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 5:30pm
452: lk says:

i called him leaving & he said what do you want to do about dinner…. & i said oh actually i thought you would call to discuss dinner & he said ok i’ll do something & i said ok & went to run an errand at the grocery for myself & i felt so unjustifiably sad & made myself walk around the grocery until i felt happy & then i got in the car & i felt so good & i got mad a little again driving but then happy & then i got home & again a little mad & then i opened the door & a little mad & then he helped me carry things & was sweet & gave me kisses & love & he had started preparing my favorite food !!

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 5:36pm
453: Ella says:

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!

Feeling a little annoyed, frustrated, grumpy and pouty right now.

Feel like sulky child and hitting at things and moaning about things.

Feel antsy.

How am I not taking care of myself?

Well I am not going to bed.

And I am letting my fear and NVs get the better of me knowing that MWC is/was still at the pub and it is late and so NVs saying ‘he must be an alcoholic and he is going to get worse and die’ even though I know he is wiating to give our boss (whose son recently passed on) a lift.

GRRRRR.

Feeling very selfish and needy.

Think I am going to go and snuggle in my soft bed.

Have been in masc energy all day and feeling tired and frustrated with my business atm and overwhelmed.

And being signed on to FB feels like waiting to see if MWC IMs me, which also feels bad.

But still I am sitting here.

Right Lil Ella.

Come on, off up to bed.

Love you MILLIONS and I will snuggle you down and read to you.

xoxoxoxo

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 5:37pm
454: Ella says:

Hmmm,

I like that my ‘Grrrr’ exactly fitted across the page above… didn’t know that was going to happen.

I feel weirdly satisfied about that.

Night Sirens.

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 5:39pm
455: Ella says:

Lizka,

Don’t lean forward Siren.

And remember moods/emotions/urges shift and change quickly.

A few days ago you were feeling really happy and good.

And you will again.

Don’t lean forward though cus that will just prolong the ickiness imo.

xoxoxoxo

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 5:42pm
456: Lizka says:

Yay, Dicaprio CD asked for my phone number

Feeling excited, breathing breathing breathing!!!

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 5:58pm
457: Lizka says:

Thank you Ella.

I finaly got out of that bus and went dinner with my father than to the funerals. It was very sad and I completely forgo about ATW. I had another 5 minutes of wanting to lean forward an dtelling him that I was feeling sad at the funerals but I caught myself and stopped. The urge haven’t come back and than new super sexy potential CD chatted with me on Facebool and asked for my number. No more urgency feeling about ATW now! Hehe!

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 6:04pm
458: Lizka says:

So quiet tonight! Hello?

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 6:14pm
459: Femininewoman says:

From Carol Allen

Marriage studies also show that the happiest couples ARE NOT the most compatible – they’re the couples who have the BEST COMMUNICATION and RELATIONSHIP SKILLS.

And THOSE are the relationships where you’ll SWEAR you’re with your “soulmate.”

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 6:15pm
460: Starla says:

The Divine Masculine is visiting me tonight to heal me and love me.

He is coming to bring me more love. To lead the way to it and show me I am safe to follow and to love myself.

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 6:17pm
461: Memulo says:

HE CALLED!! And left a VM that he is coming back tomorrow night and he is free Sunday, Monday, tue and Wed and he is hoping to see me soon and that I am doing well.

Of course I couldn’t pick up the phone because at that moment I was at a party at a beautiful cool restaurant and two guys were fighting for my attention.

Then half an hour later he texted with the same message.

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 6:50pm
462: turquoise says:

Hi sirens. my power in my plan has been out since 6. i had to cancel the party. hopefully we’ll have it tomorrow. we have 50 mph winds. cant believe our luck. internet on my phone sucks… but wanted to check in quick. hope everyone is having a good night. we have the fireplace going and took hot baths, so kinda sireny. my sis and bff came to help with the party before i cancelled and we had wine and snacks by candlelight Ex called… I did good mirrored and answered. it came real easily too, i didnt have to think about it. my mom is going to the hospital sunday. hoping they figure some things out for her. they say shes a medical mystery. i feel scared for her.

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 6:55pm
463: Butterfly Wings says:

Oh Turquoise, shame about the party and I hope your mother is ok.

xxx

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 6:57pm
464: Memulo says:

Turquoise you know if they do some tests at the hospital you can always use them to get a second opinion, etc.

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 7:02pm
465: Memulo says:

I think I am going to use a Rule and not answer today;) Perhaps tomorrow. I miss him so much!!

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 7:04pm
466: Memulo says:

I saw comments about extra pictures on the blog earlier – I normally feel annoyed and turned off with guys who say something like – I can’t see your face clearly on the photo. I just say ok and move on. But with SmartCD we were chatting on a dating site and he said – you’re saying you look such and such in your profile (referring to my hair/eye color) but I can’t see that in your pictures – and I said: ok, perhaps I’ll send you another picture to prove-)

Much much later, 3 weeks maybe, when we were talking on the phone for the first time, he said – with your voice and your laugh I don’t care if you look such and such, there was no need to send a picture, though I appreciate it

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 7:12pm
467: Memulo says:

Sirens, whoever is online today – do you think it would be better if I see him on Monday as opposed to Sunday. I am invited to a party to watch Oscars on Sunday.. of course I’d rather watch it with him, but after all he did make me wait forever for his call..

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 7:18pm
468: Lizka says:

Turquoise I hope your mom is ok…

((((((Turquoise))))))

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 7:21pm
469: Jilly says:

(((T-Girl))))

((((Turquoise)))))

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 7:26pm
470: Jilly says:

Memulo…yay!!! perhaps wait until tomorrow and see how you feel…you get to choose now enjoy these good feelings

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 7:29pm
471: Lizka says:

Memulo don’t cancel your plan!!!!!

he told you he is available all these days so if he asks to see you on Sunday, you could just say it would feel so good to see him and that you missed him all these days, but you made plans with your friends and they are counting on you. You can then say you are free Monday, etc…

This would be soooo sireny I think!

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 7:29pm
472: Jilly says:

FW @359…I love that!!! putting yourself as your wallpaper…feels so loving

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 7:32pm
473: Silver-Tongued Siren says:

Re 426 –
I experienced slight irritation this morning when discussing rental terms –>>

I just re read this and realized it might not be clear- we are renting our house out to a group of people for a couple of weeks, hopefully. And I wanted to stay here, sleep in my studio, but now he thinks it would be better if the house was completely empty. We’ll see.

Memulo 427 – rules book – yes – before I found rori. I started with a combination of the two but now don’t even really remember the rules. I think I’ve found better tools here. The rules felt so cold and rigid. … I mean, by the rules, neither MILW or BF gave me a romantic Valentine’s day present this year, and that would mean “nexxxt” but.. I believe this can all be turned right around.

Sassy 451 – I’m here!! And yes I feel the love flowing too, .. sooo happy yesterday. I could be right now too but I’m so sleepy after being up all night last night, and a little disappointed that MILW isn’t here.. need to find the energy to refocus!

452- lk – YAY!!

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 7:37pm
474: Starla says:

DO return man’s call if you have the time and aren’t too busy for a chat. Don’t make him wait just cuz he “made” you wait. Games are desperate and men can sense it, at least in the back of their minds

DON’T change your plans or your life to see him sooner. When you *respectfully call him back in a timely fashion*, you can let him know it would feel great to see him and the soonest you’re free is ________, even if it is days away. Not having the confidence to keep to your own fabulous plan to live life to the fullest because you feel fear about not seeing him the soonest possible is desperate and men can sense it.

**Organically** let men know you have a full life and won’t be waiting around for them. Not calling them back is faking it. Calling them back because you’re free to chat on the phone for a minute but scheduling further out in advance because you’re legitimately busy for the next few days, is not faking it.

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 7:39pm
475: Lizka says:

So I went to the funerals tonight with my father. I saw all these people I went to elementary school with but no one seems to have recognize me. Or they were in their own thoughts because their friend died. It’s ok. I totally understand.

The funerals felt very sad of course and very emotional. This 26 years old guy had a lot of friends…

I saw the school bus guy, the one I sent the nice message on Facebook saying I was thinking of him in these sad days and who seems really touched. I went to talk to him and talked to him. Introduced him to my father and the first thing he said to him is “A was my best friend”. Oh my god this is the saddest thing I ever heard. I wanted to hug him and hold him so tight. I saw the soul of this guy when he said that. I don’t know, at this moment, I felt attracted by him (even though he’s sooo not my kind of man) and I just wanted to stay and talked to him but I felt awkward and I left.

I mean, I’m not interested in dating him at all, but at this specific moment, when I saw this shy kind of geek guy with his glasses, I really felt a connexion. I can’t get this image out of my mind now. Maybe we can be friends.

When in the car with my father, I remembered that the school bus guy was my kindergarden boyfriend. Hehe. Cute. Maybe we do have a life long connexion.

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 7:39pm
476: Senior Lady Vibe says:

@446: lk

That’s me…

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 7:39pm
477: Jilly says:

((((((Tenny))))) what is going on with you? why do you feel so bad?

I had a friend named Tenny and she was so cute so I think of you that way too…funny how that is…

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 7:41pm
478: Lizka says:

Ohhhhhhh!!! Dicaprio sent me a message!!!

My god!! I feel so so so excited

He wrote “Lizka hi [he wrote these in russian, cute!)! Meeting with my friends tonight. Let’s go somewhere tom two of us. V.”

1st: is “tom two of us a typo or it means something in particular that I don’t know about?

2nd: I don’t get the I’m with my friends but let’s go somewhere?

3rd: I sooo want to go somewhere with him!! But it’s really last minute, it’s 11 pm here, I’m super tired and already in my pyjama… Should I do an effort and dressed up and go downtown to meet him? It doesn’t sound like a really romantic date though…

Any thoughts on this?

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 7:49pm
479: Lizka says:

Lol, now that I think of it, “tom two of us probably just means “THE two of us”, lol silly me.

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 7:54pm
480: Senior Lady Vibe says:

(((turquoise)))

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 7:54pm
481: Memulo says:

Thank you girls

I don’t feel like calling him tonight, there is no rush. Plus he is still on the Caribbean. Perhaps I can invite him to my party on Sunday? Or is it being too easy

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 7:57pm
482: Memulo says:

tom = tomorrow Lizka, no?

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 7:58pm
483: Lizka says:

Ok what do I do?!

Do I do something crazy, get dress pretty and go downtown to meet this my god too sexy guy or I stay sireny and say I am feeling disappointed but I am feeling tired and already cozy at home but it would feel good to see him another night, perhaps tomorrow or Sunday?

Any ideas on feeling messages??

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 7:58pm
484: Lizka says:

Ohhh Memulo that would make sense and this plans feels even better…

How do I figure out? I ask “I feel confuse… Tom = tomorrow?”

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 8:01pm
485: Silver-Tongued Siren says:

Lizka.

it seems like it could only mean “the two of us” OR, “tomorrow two of us” …but.. in the context it does kinda sound like he’s asking you for now.

I often accept last minute plans with MILW, but we didn’t just meet, either. I feel like he should have to make more effort to come get you, like he should invest more in you.

it’s sort of like this:

for example when finding renters for the house – I don’t always give all information up front- I hook them in with a little ad, to which they respond and want to come see the house. If I can get them here to look at it, they have invested their time and energy in getting all the way here, meeting me, looking at the place, finding out the details. This makes it more likely that they will go ahead and rent with me, since they’ve already put all this work into it..

I just don’t think you should make it too easy for him. If you go out and meet him now, next time he will expect it to work the same way. unless you want to always be going out to meet him.

… but what is it like where you are, is it common for men to pick women up for dates? I notice you say you took the train and I don’t live where a train is, so I don’t know if a man would then get on the train to come get me or not.

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 8:05pm
486: Starla says:

tom =tomorrow

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 8:05pm
487: Jilly says:

Lizka…do what feels best to you…if you feel tired and sleepy then say that…if you feel like going out then do that..what do you think?

If it seems too last minute then I believe you will feel so many beautiful feelings about yourself in the morning knowing that you are putting you first…just my thoughts…

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 8:06pm
488: Memulo says:

Lizka, I am pretty sure it is tomorrow. You can perhaps answer as if this is how you understood it. No questions

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 8:06pm
489: Lizka says:

Yeah I think definitely tom = tomorrow… Since he said “I’m with friends tonight” so tomorrow together… It makes more sense… do I assume it’s for tomorrow and say tomorrow would feel good?

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 8:08pm
490: Silver-Tongued Siren says:

<>

Yes I would say something like this for sure, and ask him “what do you think”. if he says “that sounds good” ask him “when?” so you get a solid date/time.

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 8:08pm
491: Jilly says:

Memulo…I believe that as long as you stay open and warm (no faking or planning how to be like Starla mentioned) then whatever decision you make about when to see him will be the best one

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 8:09pm
492: Jilly says:

ya lizka!! that’s perfect…”tomorrow would feel good” lol

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 8:10pm
493: Lizka says:

STS you are right. Going now would feel weird. It’s pretty late and I don’t want to just go out and drink at 2 am. Doesn’t feel romantic for a 1st date…

I think anyway it makes more sense that it’s tomorrow. And it feels better to think that it is for tomorrow so I will act like if it’s for tomorrow. Good plan?

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 8:11pm
494: lk says:

hi, starla : )

i’m making cookies : )

i feel so sore & hopeful & sleepy & guilty & happy

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 8:18pm
495: Memulo says:

Jilly,

Thank you:)

frankly I don’t feel like answering tonight for sure and even tomorrow – he will be busy traveling.. plus he is back tomorrow night.. maybe Sunday morning I can get back to him?

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 8:22pm
496: Jilly says:

So these past few days I’ve actually really been CDing every where I go..

yesterday at the grocery store the man behind the food counter was gorgeous and he started flirting and I practiced keeping eye contact and I felt the connection

then today at the mac store the guy helping me…it felt like we were on a date and he offered to teach me some classes….aww…sweet boy…except I got his name wrong but I will be going back for classes

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 8:23pm
497: Memulo says:

Jilly,

Sometimes it helps to get their name wrong lol. Happened to me years ago and the guy still is saying oh YOU! she doesn’t even remember my name right

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 8:26pm
498: Jilly says:

Memulo…yes…I feel so happy you heard from him …now you can use this “in the meantime” to focus on you and your vibe and feel like your most sireny self yay!

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 8:28pm
499: Lizka says:

I wrote “Hi V. Tomorrow would feel good.”

Should I add “You have a plan in mind?” or “What do you think” like STS suggested? Or just leave it like that…?

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 8:29pm
500: Memulo says:

Lizka,

I would not add any questions. He knows he has to come up with a plan. No need to nudge

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 8:31pm
501: Jilly says:

Memulo…seriously it was funny but I felt sheepish…

he said yes just call and ask for me …and I said “perfect..I’ll ask for Lance!” and he looked at me and said “Matt!! my name is Matt!” with a wounded look and a smile and he nudged my arm and I squeezed his arm and laughed and said “oh..opps…all this time I thought it was Lance”lol

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 8:32pm
502: Jilly says:

Lizka..i agree…no questions you get to see what he does…

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 8:33pm
503: Memulo says:

Jilly,

Thank you again.. I know I was spamming the blog with this ;( Funny how sensitive you get with the ones you feel can be for you..

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 8:34pm
504: Lizka says:

Yes Memulo you’re right.

In the meantime, before I saw your message, I decided not to add anything. Better like that. Anyway, he asked me my phone number and within 1 hour he asked me out. I think he will continue to step up. I feel pretty confident.

So I’ll just go smoke, do my little things and go to bed.

Awww thank you Universe for putting this sexy man on my road at a time I thought I could only attract uninteresting men!

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 8:38pm
505: Jilly says:

Memulo..I know…we do get sensitive

Right now I feel like Rugby Man is my soul mate

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 8:38pm
506: Memulo says:

SLV.

I feel shocked. That is NOT you!!! It’s not the way you come across, not even close. You feel like someone who lives and enjoys and is open and happy about things that other people may not even notice. Plus you are such a very free spirit. What’s got into you tonight -?

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 8:40pm
507: Jilly says:

yay Lizka

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 8:41pm
508: Jilly says:

I started competing in a fitness competition this week…it will go on for 6 weeks and then I will find out if I qualify to move on …I feel excited about this…

I also performed my first CO2 Laser treatment last night and I have another appt. in the morning…I feel like a doctor lol..these treatments are intense!!

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 8:45pm
509: Memulo says:

OR I can say that I have to stop at my party first and then see him..

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 8:46pm
510: Memulo says:

Jilly,

What do laser treatments do? Are they for your skin?

Congrats on the fitness competition

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 8:47pm
511: Lizka says:

I feel so excited. So sireny that a hot guy like that noticed me

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 8:49pm
512: Memulo says:

Lizka I bet he can’t believe you accepted the date

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 8:51pm
513: Jilly says:

now I’m spamming lol

Laser treatments are anti aging…they remove sun damage, fine lines and wrinkles and acne scars… they are pretty invasive! But they do provide results.

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 8:52pm
514: Lizka says:

Jilly! One of my good girl friend just started fitness competition too!

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 8:52pm
515: Memulo says:

Oh and when we talk – is it not a good idea to say that I started feeling disconnected with the lack of communication?

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 8:53pm
516: Silver-Tongued Siren says:

I feel sad that it’s friday nite and MILW not here and BF no call.

he never responded to the email asking about whether living together would include sexual exclusivity moving toward marriage. … and i wish he would contribute with money (way more, like a typical 25% arrangement).. like he said before he got the job in november “i want to help you ..financially..so you don’t have to worry about all this”… (referring to uncertainty in my living situation).

I don’t want to bring $ thing up since we’re still stuck on the sexual exclusivity email.

He let me know tuesday he is packing all weekend so won’t be here. because he wants to move by march 1st to his new place.
__________

I called MILW earlier to ask a ? about something I need to complete the work I am doing for him. he was at work and couldn’t answer but did call me back later.

Sirens, when I DO call, should I try to make my initiated calls be more calling for positive things? Like, if I only call when I need something, I feel like he may associate my calls with needing something, or negative feelings. Do you think this is true? or would he like getting these calls that I need something because he wants to DO/fix things?

When he returned my call he said he was at the store getting something for his throat. And have a good night. implying that he wouldn’t be talking to me further tonight.

sad. It sounded like he might me staying in, but I don’t believe that – he just subconsciously wanted it to feel that way to me so i wouldn’t feel sad and he wouldn’t feel bad.

that’s ok. I have lots of things to do!

BUT Sirens, what do you do when he is asking only during the week and not on the weekends!!! when he wants to party and either wants to hang with people I have moved away from (or girl he cheated with), OR, he wants to party and we can’t bring baby.

I miss going out like we used to. Do you share a FM “it would feel good to go out on the weekend..”

I have said that I miss that, etc, a couple of times.
Yet no action. I don’t want to push it, I will give him time to feel really happy being around me. .. I think.

I’m not sure. maybe I should push it.
If he doesn’t do it when I express FM, then I should be too busy for him at times during the week because I don’t want to only spend time during the week – I want my place as always – going out on wknds, his actions reflecting my importance.

(is this right? be busy with other men if he doesn’t make me feel the way I want?)

I WISH it were easier for me to CD or go to events where I could meet men……. but with baby not easy. he weighs a LOT and gets sleepy and I have to chase him around because he wants to run around and be busy! he’s all boy.

even if BF helped with money, that would go for childcare so I could WORK.. not go out.

and I am so exhausted, thinking about bartering my work for childcare seems awful, so physically demanding..as well as I doubt that many people are going to be THAT available for me to go out in exchange for what I do.. meaning, I would have to have several people on the rotation, AND baby is not familiar with them, ..it would take a lot more work than it sounds like, just to get baby used to it.

the third option I have thought of is trying to see if MILW wants to do…. one wknd I get to go out, one weekend he goes out.. (he wouldn’t keep baby overnight though, I’m not sure if that would be ok for baby yet.) … or… maybe I go to an early event and he goes to a late one.

Though, I am not sure I like how that feels – I want to bring us TOGETHER, do things together, not separately. hmm.

but yes i need to meet more men, to get these guys on their toes!

It was nice that MILW bought wine for yesterday, and I was surprised that he PLANNED to spend the night here when he invited me to dinner the other evening. I didn’t even realize this until we got back from dinner, but he had planned it. And then surprised that he was here last night too. And it feels good that he’s being open and affectionate with me.

I think that we need some excitement though. Not dinners and movies. We need something different,…. exciting…dangerous? .. JUST DIFFERENT, whatever it is. I’m not sure how to ask for that… without him feeling pressure about doing something expensive – (because what are we going to do that’s *really* fun yet inexpensive…hmm).

I always tell him, when he worries about money, that there are lots of things we can do that don’t cost money, but he seems to want to go to shows, events, etc.

But he and I need some fresh energy here…
and BF too. HE is always saying how we always just stay in the house but he doesn’t make any effort to plan anything…

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 8:54pm
517: Memulo says:

Jilly, do you believe that laser treatments help for a long time? Or just immediate results for a couple of weeks and then back to the natural state?

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 8:55pm
518: Silver-Tongued Siren says:

Memulo, I want to answer, but I’m not sure. I would say yes you can say that..as long as you also let him know you’re glad to hear from him. But what does everyone else think?

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 8:56pm
519: Jilly says:

Lizka..really?? do know what it’s called? the one I’m doing is world wide..so maybe it’s the same one (that would be weird)

Memulo…I would wait to bring it up…let some happy connections build first and then see if you want to bring it up

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 8:57pm
520: Silver-Tongued Siren says:

FW (i think it was you) I liked the post about turning on your sexual self… I need to remember that OFTEN. Thanks for always posting such useful information!!!

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 8:58pm
521: Jilly says:

Memulo..Oh it’s definitely long term as long as a person stays out of the sun

STS..I’m still reading your post

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 8:59pm
522: Memulo says:

Thank you Jilly and STS

I’m going to sleep! Good night Sirens

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 9:04pm
523: LiliBee says:

Woohoo Siren Lizka!!!!

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 9:08pm
524: Jilly says:

STS…well…I can feel your merry-go-round… you want to be with MILW…but he’s not quite stepping up ..and you have a baby with him…

my step sister is in a similar situation (kind of but not really similar)…she has a girl who is 7 by her first husband and then she moved in with her boyfriend and got pregnant the baby is 1 yrs old…but her boyfriend makes her pay half rent and EVERYTHING for the baby…this feels sad to me…but the point is she works part time and she wants to move on but can’t really…

STS…does MILW know about BF..sorry if you’ve already explained this

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 9:09pm
525: Lizka says:

Jilly no, I don’t think it’s worldwide… She just started… I have no idea how it’s called… If she tells me I’ll let you know.

She texted me yesterday morning and she told me she had her fitness camp this Sunday and asked if I wanted to join. It’s apparently things like learning to walk in high heels. I thought it would have be super sireny to do something like that with my girl friend, but I didn’t had the money…

Next time

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 9:14pm
526: Jilly says:

STS in answer to your question..if you are calling him I would keep it happy…but I feel confused about your situation…

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 9:14pm
527: Jilly says:

Lizka..oh..it’s not the same yay for you!!! and hot guy…I feel excited for you

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 9:16pm
528: Jilly says:

k sirens..

I’m off to beauty land…

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 9:17pm
529: LiliBee says:

Yey Siren Lizka !!!

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 9:30pm
530: Lizka says:

Hi Lili!!!! How you’ve been doing?

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 9:41pm
531: LiliBee says:

D just left.
I had to beat him off with a stick and throw him out.

He wanted to pick up where we left off. He even said he was sorry for everything, including the neighbourlady.
He says that he let himself be played.
Apparently, her husband is super angry that she tagged along on that vacation trip.

I said “I don’t feel safe to trust a man that lets himself be played so easily. I don’t feel good and safe w such a naive man.”

He kept insisting on getting back with me. He said he wanted to sell his house and get away from those neighbours…

I said “I can’t be with you unless I can totally put that entire past behind and trust.
Right now, I can’t and I don’t know if I will ever feel OK about all of it, and if I can ever feel good with you. Until I can feel good with you, a relationship will be impossible.
I want to get to know other men, men who I won’t have to ask to put me 1st, men who I don’t have to beg to make me feel good and important.”

He didn’t want to leave, he wanted to sleep on the couch.
I literally put his coat on him and pushed him out the door.
He kept saying that he loved me…I said “yeah, I felt sooo loved that Sunday morning alright! It’s funny how I feel loved only when you’re alone and have no other options. Well, I feel good having other options right now.”

I told him I only want to be talking to men right now, no seduction, only getting to know plenty of men. “If you want a chance, stand in line, coz I only feel safe putting you at the bottom of the list. Give me a couple of weeks before you call me again.”

If he wouldn’t have been here tonight, I would have probably been on the dating site.
So I don’t want to talk to him until I have spent more time talking with other men.

What was the last thing he said before leaving? “Start shopping for a house, I’ll be putting mine up for sale so I can buy one with you away from my neighbours.”

Huhhggg! I feel too good now to let him in. I’m feeling sooo great, I don’t feel safe being open to him.
So why am I agreeing to see him? Am I testing myself?
Well the only feelings I have for him are the same I have for my brother.
Am I insecure to truly let him go?

I feel too good about myself now to cave in to him. Am I trying to prove my strength and value to myself?

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 9:58pm
532: Peaches says:

WOW LiliBee! That feels good to read – you sound very super clear and strong and real with D!

I’m happy you’re feeling good

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 10:04pm
533: LiliBee says:

He said “what if all these events were just tests to make me see how I really feel about you? to make me see that you are really the woman for me, you are the love of my life, I know it.”

I said “Well those tests sure put me through alot of pain and heartache. I cried a river. I don’t ever want to feel like 2nd best again. I love myself too much now to accept being tested that way, it’s too painful and I don’t want that pain.”

Him “I know what I want now, and that’s You.”
Me “I don’t feel safe with you, I wonder if I could possibly ever feel good with you now. All I feel now is good about myself and I want to keep it that way. I will never lose that again. You once told me I was a prude for having you wait for s3x, well I feel stronger than ever about my values. I will wait and be patient for as long as it takes until I feel good enough with a man, and that good feeling is top on my list of criteria. Thank you for criticizing my values, you helped make them stronger.”

I got plans all day tomorrow and I’ll be too exhausted to pick up the phone if he calls tomorrow.
I have plans Sunday too.
I have cd’ing opportunities all week.
I’ll think about wether I can keep him on my cd list or not, but if I do, he’ll be LAST.

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 10:28pm
534: LiliBee says:

532:

Thank you Peaches, that feels encouraging.

That’s the most I’ve ever communicated.
I used to just give him little tidbits, but tonight it all came out, I held nothing back.

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 10:41pm
535: Butterfly Wings says:

LiliBee, you sound AMAZING! Woohoo you go girl!

So much stronger than only a few weeks ago! xxx

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 10:43pm
536: LiliBee says:

I’m going to sleep now. It will be a big day outdoors tomorrow, I want to be in shape for skating.

Goodnight Sirens. Looking forward to catching up with you tomorrow night. xox.

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 10:44pm
537: LiliBee says:

535:

Thanks BW! That encouragement sure feels good.

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 10:45pm
538: tenny says:

I’m a crab crawling from under a rock (positive got lost and I’m still searching for her in the sand).

so I leaned way forward and checked out both CD assertive and CD song fb (not friends with either) and they are each recently friending and contacting women – CD assertive telling someone he wanted to know more about her just last week.

I know that’s stalking, but I found the information very very helpful. Why am I losing my mind and these fellas are carrying on, business as usual?

I need to cut them both off and start over again with new CDs

GRRRRRRRRRRR

Friday, 24 February 2012 @ 11:48pm
539: tenny says:

Okay, I’m stepping back from everyone and taking a break. I don’t feel good about any of this. I’m burning out dealing with these men. The one thing I’ve benefited from is learning to step away. That was my problem in past (toxic) relationships – I stayed too long. I’m going to take my time and step away from this entire situation for a week or two

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 12:35am
540: tenny says:

Jilly -
Having a rough spell with my love-life
maybe I’m just hormonal, lol

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 12:38am
541: tenny says:

G’nite

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 12:39am
542: Butterfly Wings says:

Alrighty then! I have just joined 15 meetup groups, and plan to join more tomorrow when I’m allowed to join another 15!

This’ll get my thoughts well of TH while I’m out doing my own thing and possibly meeting some new and interesting people!

These groups aren’t singles groups either – just groups of singles. I’ve even joined a couple of bootcamp groups! Eeek! Haha should be fun.

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 12:48am
543: Ella says:

Tom = tomorrow.

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 2:03am
544: tenny says:

Yup, haven’t slept a wink, but I’m in a much much better place. I’ve go my swagger back, my mojo, whatever term describes it best . . . I’m bacckkkkkk!

Oh, and I’m going to change my name:

LoveAlways

Making my way through moderation and then I’ll finally get some sleep

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 3:05am
545: LoveAlways says:

Hi Sirens:

It’s Tenny

I’ve changed my screen name to LoveAlways because I must always remember to love my self first!

I’m good, but exhausted

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 3:07am
546: Butterfly Wings says:

Lol, what I meant so say in 542 above was “These groups aren’t singles either – just groups of people who want to meet new people….”. Duh!

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 3:24am
547: Femininewoman says:

BW Understood

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 3:25am
548: Butterfly Wings says:

TH is putting the guilt trip on me now, cancelling all his plans to “make (me) happy”. Yeah right.

I told him “Your choice”.

He’s in the dog house (aka the man cave) right now and has been there all day.

I wonder when he will start speaking to me again?

Meanwhile, I’ve joined a heap of meetup groups, put myself through some painful hair removal (it was needed – and I had to be careful of my injured leg), and have caught up on some housework.

Normally I’d be a mess over this, but now I truly believe that he knows how good he has it with me, and he also knows that if I get out there and meet new people, there’s a chance I’ll meet another man – and I am pretty sure that’s bothering him. A lot!

So I told him that I don’t want him cancelling plans he’s already made, and I’ve asked him to provide me with some reassurance sometimes, especially when he’s choosing to do “man stuff” more than usual. I also asked him to be completely honest with me (of course), and also not to mention the music festival he uninvited me to (which he has now said he’s not going to).

I told him earlier too that I was not driving him there or picking him up either. I think that’s partly why he no longer wants to go.

I feel so powerful in putting these boundaries out there because I know I am not being unreasonable, and I know he’s not going anywhere.

But he’s certainly cranky about it! lol

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 3:29am
549: Lena says:

Hi, Brenda!

Thank you:) I also think so. At least it means that smth is not ready inside…

Good day, FW

I have a girl. She is 11. I am 31:)

No, I mean that I want a family… Pathetic to admit – a fairy tale:)

Maybe its smth stupid to believe in but it just inside of me – the desire to have a family with a good guy, etc. I am 31 already… I dont have time for “fishing”…
I work a lot too. I can have fun. But with someone serious…

I paniced big big time yday. I think its because for more than a year I didnt let anyone close to myself after my break up… I think when I finally started to consider having someone and someone showed up – all my locked up fears just surfaced with full force. You know I cried thinking how that A is being sweet to someone else and me at the same time… I dont want to share with anyone… I want to be The One.

So I paniced, thinking thats what he does and I deleted him from everywhere. So I can just forget. I wrote him that it just doesnt feel right and that I feel like running away because I feel he belongs to someone else. That I do like him but I cant help feeling all this.

I thought that would be the end of it completely.

He answered me this am…

“I am a simple guy. staright forward. I am with you because I like you. I like your companionship, your kiss, your touch. But seems like there is always doubts about what I feel for you. The way I hold your hand or kiss you… It shows what my intentions are. And I know its pure. Its up to you to decide. I know I am a busy man… But not that busyto have someone else…”.

What does he mean by all this? I am so confused.

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 3:39am
550: Butterfly Wings says:

Oh and I did use FMs while asking for those things too.

With the reassurance stuff, I told him how it felt bad that he didn’t want me at the music festival or to meet up with him on Thursday night (the night he lied about who he was with), and that it would just feel good to have some reassurance sometimes, especially because I knew of his views about MW doing the exact same thing.

As for the honesty thing, I just told him how awful I felt when I realised that they had all been out together the night before and I had been specifically told I was not invited because it was “man time”. I told him I trust him, and that I just need him to be honest with me because I was still carrying baggage from my last relationship when I was cheated on.

And finally, I asked him not to mention the music festival. I told him that even if he changes his mind I don’t want to go now (because I feel like I’m unwanted), and that I would not drop him off or pick him up for that same reason.

So he’s not talking to me now, and I’m not feeling upset or all that sad. This is just him processing me expressing my feelings and setting boundaries that he doesn’t like I suppose…

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 3:40am
551: Ella says:

Feeling a bit crappy and tense today.

Going for a Pole lesson now.

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 4:12am
552: Butterfly Wings says:

(((Ella))) – hope you feel better after your pole session.
xx

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 4:15am
553: Ella says:

I sent this message to MWC in response to a message he sent me:

‘Ok. I just feel afraid and tense sometimes and I don’t really know why. I still feel worried about alcohol a lot of the time but I just want to let it go for now and see what happens. xx’

I feel tense and icky.

I feel worried about him giving up cus I always seem to have an issue about something… but, it is my truth.

I do feel worried about alcohol.

I feel afraid of being thought of as a nag.

I feel heavy.

I was feeling tense and icky anyway so I expect most of it is my stuff anyway.

I may be due a period which would go some way to explaining the ickiness.

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 4:18am
554: Ella says:

Thanks BW

Hmm, I will be ok.

Pole will probably lift me up.

xoxox

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 4:19am
555: Butterfly Wings says:

I wish you lived here Ella – you could teach me that pole thing!

I know how you feel about not wanting to sound like a nag. TH has basically implied that a couple of times today, saying that no matter what he does, I’m not happy. Ick.

But I feel glad that I expressed what I did rather than stuff it. And if he’s not good enough for me, then he’ll walk because of it. If not, he’ll stay – which so far he’s done.

It’ll be ok Ella. Just be proud that you love yourself enough to express your fears.

xx

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 4:30am
556: Luzydel says:

I am taking a break from the blog; It seems that only focus here is to be with a man, to talk about how a man makes you feel, etc. I am not looking for a man, I am not dating any man, I am dating everyone and none sort of speak. And there is no emotional drama going on with me. So I have not interesting stories to bring. So I am going to continue working on myself, go out more and be open to life surprises.

I am not going to let a man take power over me anymore, so talking about, why he called, doesn’t call, what he does or doesn’t is a waste of time and energy I could invest on doing good things for myself.
I will only talk about a man when I feel good about him and still that may be too boring to post it here

L.

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 5:21am
557: Sassy says:

Awwww, Luzydel don’t leave. You don’t necessarily have to post about a man in particular. Tell us what is happening with your relationship with yourself. We are always growing and changing depending on our own personal experiences. I believe in this blog, that as women, we need each others’ strengths and weaknesses to learn to love ourselves and others.
Sirens, weigh in here, please!

Much love

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 5:41am
558: Femininewoman says:

Lena he is asking you to trust him. He is telling you to take down the walls you have around your heart because no one, man or otherwise, can really love you without being able to touch your heart. Right now he can barely connect with you because of that. We all have fears that we have to work through, I am sure he does too. It is okay to share that you want to be the one and only. It is okay to share that you want family. It is okay to share that want to feel safe, solid and secure in a relationship with a good man. However, running away whenever you “suspect” something won’t create those things for you. It is best to talk about your fears even if you feel embarassed to bring them up. Even if you don’t want to put pressure on him let him know but find a way to bring it up. Also relationships should have fun and creativity in them otherwise what is the point. I have been a too serious person in my past and it has worked against me. Relationships don’t have to be serious. Lighten up a little and try to find the playful, flirty girl inside you and bring her out to play with his little boy. In the meantime I would encourage you to cdate so that there are always options and that you don’t drive yourself crazy when your doubts come up. I am an expert at that myself. Take heart that you are a fabulous woman and a lot of men out there are looking for a woman like you and would want to connect with you. This is something I am learning after having locked myself away for a long time.

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 5:42am
559: Femininewoman says:

Luzydel I agree with you a break might do you good. Though I also have a different concept of the blog also. I believe it can be used to help build self esteem. However, I hope you are successful in your goal.

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 5:45am
560: Memulo says:

Lena,

He is telling you that he is in love with you and he does not have anyone else. But he doesn’t feel appreciated enough. He gives you a chance to reconsider and stay together, but in my opinion you will have to start showing more appreciation and less doubt.

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 5:47am
561: T-Girl says:

Im trying to catch up on posts and i am impressed Lilibee, you sound so strong. Good for you!

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 5:50am
562: Memulo says:

Lena, FW expressed it better, just saw her post

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 5:52am
563: Femininewoman says:

BW I would listen to him. Truly I get the impression that you are not happy unless he is like in your purse all the time. I am not saying that is true, it is the impression I get. Maybe that is what you need in a relationship but that is not what everyone needs. I see relationships around me all the time where I am astounded as to how these people trust each other. I have people who work with me who don’t even communicate with each other all day during the day. One in particular still hang out with the guys after work, sometimes work very late and on weekends. I know for a fact that they have a strong marriage because I talk with both the wife and husband. Plus you can feel her that she is happy. They live apart because of the job in different parts of the world for 2 years and they are still going strong. The thing I see between them is trust and unconditional love. There was one time when the guy spoke to me that he felt like he was falling out of love with her during that 2 year period but I knew it was the separation that was wearing him down. He even told me when he would cry as a result. What I am saying here is that it is possible to stop focussing on what a man is doing and focus on ourselves. I believe when we do that, no matter what a man is doing a relationship can be solid because he becomes inspired by the trust and love that he feels. I believe the more he feels that is the more time he wants to spend in your presence and you don’t have to keep telling him what you want.

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 5:53am
564: Femininewoman says:

T-Girl I hope all is well.

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 5:54am
565: Memulo says:

FW,

You were right about my situation. It is true, he should have communicated earlier, but my fears made me feel miserable for 2 days straight. Not feeling proud of myself..

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 5:57am
566: T-Girl says:

Turquoise, sending positive thoughts for your mom.

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 5:58am
567: Femininewoman says:

Yeah LiliBee it is really inspiring to see how strong you have become. The one thing though I am wonder is what would happen if rather than just sending him on his way if you could practice opening up more and being warm with him. Show him you flirty girl that he is now missing. It could possibly ramp up the attraction even though I know that is not what you want. My thinking is he knows there is competition so he would feel the need to respond to the challenge. However, if he felt the flirty girl and want to respond to her it would give you an opportunity to practice being and developing what all men find attractive so that when you real Mr. Right shows up you would naturally be that alluring siren that he can’t resist. It would show you your magnetic power and help build your confidence even more.

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 5:59am
568: Femininewoman says:

Memulo “he should have” is showing you that you are too controlling, that you are too focussed on a particular outcome and that you are wanting to fix him. Maybe even suggesting that he is not what you want. I say if you were cdating this might not happen. I say try to allow him to be who he is and trust yourself that you can be magnetic enough that he will want to come back to you. Trust yourself enough to know that you don’t want to pin any one particular man down to your timeline and demand anything of him. That way you will be even more mysterious and attractive to him. That way you won’t be focussed on tracking his every move but giving him the space to come to you when he wants to and to show you who he is. The more they feel safe enough because of the space we give them to be themselves the more they want to be with us is what I believe. A man wants us to accept him for who he is so he can feel safe enough to be himself and to trust us with his heart.

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 6:04am
569: T-Girl says:

Thank you FW. All is well. We are still in hospital for observation and should be able to go home today. She has had some bad nausea with the anesthesia but it seems to have finally settled down. she is currently snoring away so I am taking this time to catch up.

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 6:05am
570: Femininewoman says:

I liked Starla’s response about the phone call. I don’t like the plotting to punish a man just because he doesn’t respond based on our timeline. I believe in being true to myself and if I am feeling urgency to check in with myself to see where that is coming from and how I can take care of that in myself. Even though he might be doing one thing I don’t have to respond to that with games. A relationship is about love and easiness. If that is not there and coming from inside me I want to be able to check myself to see if I am really loving myself. This is just where I am at in my life now and why I am so devoted to cdatring.

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 6:07am
571: Femininewoman says:

T-Girl I would be careful with her diet from now on. Encourage her to drink a lot of water and minimize if not totally eliminate fried foods.

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 6:08am
572: Siren Angel says:

Good morning Sirens,

I am reading from my BB while little one is in swim class. Have been having a hard time keeping up with everyone on the blog.

Last night I just felt like taking my time for me, watched a chick movie and had a camomille tea wrapped in an angora blanket on my oversized couch… For once it felt really good.

This morning my feelings are a little all over the place. I am happy but a little lonely. I want adult company. Things are looking seriously up and so much better, which makes me all smiley and happy. Yes.

I crave a little more. Lots more is coming. I feel the support of the Universe and Mother Earth and I am in awe.

Thank you.

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 6:12am
573: T-Girl says:

Yes, our diet will totally change now to low-fat. I will be researching recipes later.

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 6:13am
574: Lizka says:

Lili 531 -

Wooow! You are amazing girl!! I can’t believe you were that strong!! Congratulation Missy!!!!!!!!

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 6:13am
575: T-Girl says:

I have to say, I do not like The Rules book at all. It is too much game playing and not authentic. We can still be sirens without the games.

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 6:14am
576: Femininewoman says:

Memulo also there is no need to beat yourself up. We are all here learning to notice ourselves and learning how to be with men. It is obvious that your level of awareness is growing and that you are trying to find the best way to be in a relationship. I am wondering if you are working on your self talk when you notice your fears. How much love are you pouring on them and letting your little girl know that you will not abandon her. Your fears are there to take care of you but we have to learn that the way we normally act out on them is not always necessary. Though your fears might be right we don’t always have to act on them we can just notice them and find a way to communicate about them.

Sorry if I come across as harsh or lecturing but what we are learning here can be transformative only if we remain aware. I also don’t want for you to shut down what you write here so you can feel open enough to be raw. Hopefully each incident will help you see the change in yourself as you learn from it and transform yourself.

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 6:24am
577: Femininewoman says:

T-Girl at her age the snacking can make the greatest impact. So much of what is on the market is fried.

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 6:25am
578: Lizka says:

I wanted to sleep late this morning but I woke up at 8 too excited to go back to bed. I practice sending my feelings (excitement for now) in my pelvis.

ATW haven’t contact me yesterday and he haven’t made plans for a date. Last weekend he agreed to make plans in advance and we are Saturday morning and haven’t make any so I believe I’m not gonna see him this weekend… I will do like last weekend and give him until a specific time in my mind. 24 hours in advance… My mom is coming over for dinner and should arrived by the middle/end of the afternoon. When she gets here, it’s too late for ATW. I told him last week I want plans in advance, if he doesn’t respect it now (after almost no contact all week), I am not going to agree to see him tomorrow. Specially that I ALSO told him I don’t like being the Sunday night girl.

Anyway I have much better to do tomorrow. Healthy breakfast, run, vacuum and clean my floors, have a facial moisturising& detoxifying mask, paint my nails, have dinner with my mom, get ready for my date with DicaprioCD (!!!!!) …

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 6:28am
579: Memulo says:

FW,

Thank you again. I hear you and am trying to process this.

Wondering – do you not think that if I;m asked for availability and said I am available for a call in the next half hour, it is polite at least to let me know in the next 2 days (!) that he is not able to talk? Frankly, I would expect this not only from a romantic partner, but from anyone. Yes, I do want to express it eventually to him and state my take on it. Not in the above terms, but the above idea.

CDating.. the thing is that we agreed to be exclusive before we became intimate, so how can I break it.. I did agreed to brunch next Sunday with a guy friend from last night.

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 6:29am
580: Siren Angel says:

LiliBee! WOW!!! I am so proud of you!!! You did AMAZING with D! You are truly a Rockstar Siren! Xx

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 6:31am
581: LiliBee says:

I am deeply grateful to all the sirens who are being so encourageing to me.

My strength comes from my self awareness, my love for myself and honouring myself.
Something I did not have before. By not having these things, I put myself in 2nd.
That’s what made it easy for men to treat me like 2nd rate.

Self awareness:
By being aware of my true self and my true feelings, I can shine the light on them. A man can get to know the real me.

Self love:
I love what I have discovered about myself. I take care of myself w love. Someone else loving me and taking care of me would just be icing on the cake, coz I already have the “whole” cake – no missing pieces.

Honour for myself:
I stand for my self love, my boundaries and my values. I will not let anyone convince me to step over them, bc I know how I will feel if I do.
Those things are who I am.
I love myself too much to not honour who I am.
How will anyone else honour who I am if I don’t honour who I am.

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 6:36am
582: Lizka says:

Actually about the date with DicaprioCD…

After he said “Lets go somewhere tomorrow two of us?” I replied with “Hi V! Tomorrow would feel good!, but sent my message only like 45 minutes later. I presume he was already in the club with his friends and might have not seen my message until very late. He also told me the other day that he never wakes up before very late in the afternoon because he works during the night.

So I might not have a confirmation or specific plan before late this afternoon. I decided that I assumed that it’s confirmed and I booked my night for him anyway. The guy seems pretty interested. Asked me my phone number on Facebook and within 1 hour sent me a text to ask me out… So I believe I don’t need an official confirmation, that it’s already confirmed. he asked me out, I said yes, I just need the details now. Am I right to think like that?

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 6:37am
583: Turquoise says:

#496… Jilly,
Yesterday I was stopped at a stop sign, singing along to the radio, and a nice looking man was walking to his car. We made eye contact and he smiled, nodded to me and mouthed, “hi!” I smiled back and said hi too. I swear I blushed….lol. Felt nice though, made my day a little brighter.

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 6:39am
584: Femininewoman says:

Memulo now that you are seeing this you can let him know it is not working for you. As Rori teaches, exclusivity is a trap.

You can expect anything but that does mean that people are going to roll over and give you what you expect. If you have established such boundaries and it is not respected you can just go ahead and live your life. When he calls you can say ooops when I did not hear from you by ……………I went ahead and made other plans because we had agreed that …………….. or something to that effect. As adults we get to do what we want in our lives so does every man. He is entitled to change his mind. Or as life happens things change. That does not mean we sit around waiting for him and when he does not show up we commit to punishing him. Life happens and even if you end up together life will happen and he likely will mess up big time. Then what?

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 6:39am
585: Femininewoman says:

Expectation is the mother of disaster. I know a lot of guys who say they don’t like to make plans because of this. They don’t like to disappoint people.

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 6:41am
586: Femininewoman says:

RE 580 LiliBee I just lurve this.

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 6:42am
587: Femininewoman says:

RE 583 – correction

“You can expect anything but that doesn’t mean that”

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 6:43am
588: Lizka says:

Memulo

“CDating.. the thing is that we agreed to be exclusive before we became intimate, so how can I break it.”

You agreed for SEXUAL exclusivity? That doesn’t mean you can not go on dates… no? Like you’re doing with your friends. You DO can CD your guy friends and even bring it to a little higher lever. You can let them flirt with you and practice the tools with them. You even can go on dates with new men and give yourself the boundary of no kissing. I think it’s a good practice to express your boundaries.

And if SmartCD said something, you can always say you are keeping your options open until you don’t have ______ (whatever is it that you want) with a man you love but that sexual exclusivity is still up.

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 6:43am
589: Memulo says:

FW,

I feel that I got these fears recently, just maybe in the past year. Two guys I became intimate with, after all the proper courting and stuff, so it was not ‘an accident’, weren’t worth my trust. I know it wasn’t my fears first of all because I didn’t have them and second because one of guys shared with someone and it made its way to me that I was so ‘clueless’ that it wasn’t even funny. He could tell me anything and I believed it. Apparently he preferred a girl who would see right thru him and doubt his every word. I know I wouldn’t want to be that girl, it’s not who I am, but somehow it affected me as we can see lol. And I didn’t have the same feelings for those two guys as I have now for SmartCD

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 6:46am
590: Siren Angel says:

OK, I really want adult company this weekend… Feeling lonely again and like this is unfair…

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 6:48am
591: Femininewoman says:

Lizka I would look at what a date is as opposed to a casual hang out in that culture if I were you. It might be something to check out with guys there to see what their thinking is because as men and women we think and talk so differently.

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 6:48am
592: Femininewoman says:

Memulo that might have been a guy who plays mind games and I understand. But that does not mean his game playing should change who you are. It is a ghost from your past that could damage every relationship that comes your way so that even if a good man shows up, you judge him wrong because of this experience. Even though I understand where that guy is coming from. They want women who are strong and women who they don’t consider easy. Which is the reason I don’t believe in jumping into bed with men. Not that I am saying that is what you did. Believe me many men what you to make them wait. They actually like it. Guys are supposed to do courting and they know it. You owe them nothing because they courted you. If they go around expecting sex because of that, then it is their problem. They know they are supposed to court you. They know they have no claim on you until you get the commitment you want.

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 6:54am
593: Lizka says:

FW

He said “let’s go somewhere the TWO OF US”.

In my culture “the two of us” sounds pretty date oriented.

If he wanted to hang out he would have invite me to this party yesterday where a lot of common friends were going.

I want it to be a date anyway so it’s a date. You are the one who told me the other day to act like if I have hat I want (or something like that…).

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 6:54am
594: LiliBee says:

566:

FW,

I don’t want to be the flirty girl w him bc I have always been so in the past. We connect too much that way, I would like to connect more in a “feely” way.
He showed up w a bottle of wine.
We finished the bottle, we were both tipsy, and I still stood for myself…that’s how strong I am now.

I’ve always done it his way in the past.
I wanted to take my time to get to know him before I got wrapped up in the relationship.
He would always try to make me tipsy w wine and seduce me. He wanted an instant relationship and convinced me into it.
I let myself be convinced by him to set aside my values, my feelings, who I really was and what I really wanted.
I stepped over my way of getting into a real relationship and let him have his way just so I could be loved.
His way, getting me drunk and seducing me, making my values wrong, convincing me I am wrong for being who I am, doesn’t work for me anymore.
That felt icky from the start and I was frozen in fear.
I didn’t have the confidence to honour my feelings and express them back then.

Now I do it MY way which is what makes me feel good, I honour my icky feelings and express them.

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 6:55am
595: Femininewoman says:

Memulo it also shows you that men talk about us with their friends. You know the book Act Like a Woman Think Like a Man? That is basically the lesson that guy was teaching you. Look out for you first because they are not always out to cherish your feelings. Keep dating until your Mr. Right shows up. Exclusivity should only mean sexual exclusivity, until you get the commitment you want so you keep dating others.

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 6:57am
596: Femininewoman says:

LiliBee I understand. It is just that I am learning to be open to everyone with all parts of me. My thinking is that now that you know his game and yourself you can let out your flirty girl and choose to not drink as usual so that you can be true to yourself at all times. You trust yourself enough to stand up for yourself. I understand though and know that it is your life and only you can know what works for you. I really like the vibe and energy in your words now so you are obviously doing what works for you.

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 7:01am
597: Rose says:

Femininewoman: Thank you so much for sharing #322 I loved the link I read it from beginning to end, going to check out her website..<3

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 7:01am
598: Femininewoman says:

I understand Lizka. I just thought I would bring that up so that you consider talking about this with guys to understand their thinking also.

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 7:03am
599: Femininewoman says:

Siren Angel that is normal. I wonder how you can create that for yourself?

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 7:04am
600: Memulo says:

Lizka, I am positive you have a date tonight;) You just don’t know the specific plan yet, so – patience.

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 7:05am
601: Siren Angel says:

Downright angry right now.

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 7:05am
602: Memulo says:

Thank you FW and Lizka.

I do want to see him tomorrow. I guess I’ll text him later and say that I am available, but feel like watching Oscars. if this is what he is open to also, we can do it together.

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 7:07am
603: Memulo says:

SA,

What happened?? Everything was soo good just yesterday.

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 7:08am
604: Femininewoman says:

Feel excited about watching the Oscars.
Feel moved to watched the Oscars

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 7:11am
605: Lizka says:

Of course I have a date

Let’s go live my day now!

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 7:11am
606: Ella says:

BW and FW re 562

Yes that sounds good.

That is what seems to be happening with MWC at the moment.

I am trusting him and he can feel loved even when we have issues or I am feeling icky.

I do still express it, and try to do so as much without involving him in how I am feeling as much as possible.

I have no idea if I am right to trust him or not, however I know by not trusting him it won’t help anything or create the relationship I want.

And the result is he seems to want to be with me all the time and asks to spend as much time with me as possible.

This despite me expressing negative emotions… maybe cus he doesn’t feel blamed??

Anyway it feels good.

I am limiting time spent together for now as I don’t have not been offered the comittment I want yet, and am not 100% sure of my feelings.

But I do feel 100% better operating this way in my life.

xoxox

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 7:14am
607: Ella says:

BW re 554

Yes that would feel fun!

I do find it relieves my tension, and I feel a lot more relaxed after I do it.

xoxox

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 7:16am
608: Memulo says:

Thank you FW!

Will I ever learn LOL ??

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 7:22am
609: Femininewoman says:

You will Memulo. Awareness is what makes the difference. You are obviously working on building that up.

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 7:29am
610: Femininewoman says:

Ella I definitely feel a difference in the way you express.

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 7:30am
611: Ella says:

Lena,

I second what FW says in 557.

I know what it is like to have crippling fears surface.

I am/was in a similar position to you and have not really let anyone so close since my ex and I broke up a couple of years ago.

That is what all this dating is for… it allows our fears to come up and be gently healed in a safe way (although it can still feel hella scary).

Not saying mine is over or healed totally now… but interacting with MWC been great because for once I have actually stuck around instead of just running or ending it as soon as I felt those fears triggered.

It has helped me feel stronger and seems to be creating a nice relationship bubble between us.

It helps that he has wanted to stick around too, which it sounds like your date would like too also.

If it does turn out that there is something in my fears I will do what is necessary to take care of myself, but for now he ‘catches’ my fears when I stick around and express them without blaming. And then he does whatever he can to fix it for me.

It feels really, really nice.

I kept thinking ‘Oh he will get fed up of me and my issues and fears soon’ but no because he feels he can help me and make me feel good.

And that makes him feel good.

And I am sure he is not perfect, but I do let him know when he makes me feel good. And I show him that I appreciate the things he does for me and how he listens and wants to take care of me.

Sometimes he can’t hear me, or his attention is focused elsewhere, and when this is the case I am practicing as best as I can still trusting him and knowing that he will give me attention again when he is able to.

Sometimes its hard.

And when it works out and we continue communicating everything feels so good.

I know it can feel hard when something scary comes up, and I second what FW says that it helps not to assume, but to share your fear and give him a chance, instead of deleting him…

I told MWC when we started dating and he seemed to be dating another girl ‘I felt really uncomfortable about that girl. I felt jealous and I don’t wan to feel that way. For me I know I am not willing to share. What do you think?’

It felt good to share that.

So far there have not been any issues like that since, but if there are I will express again and I will find a way to feel good and honour my boundary.

Hope that helps?

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 7:34am
612: LiliBee says:

I will be open to talking to D again…but next time, no wine!
Accepting the wine opened the door for him to try to get me in the same old way.
That same old way made me feel defensive.
Do we have to be drunk to connect?!
We do teach men how to treat us and how to be w us.

That’s what made me reject him on the very 1st date we ever had: He tried to make me drink, he tried very hard to convince me that I was wrong for considering having a baby at age 38.
I felt icky, but did not know how to express it. So I stopped all contact w him and went on to date other men.
I saw him again a year later and then started dating him for 2 and a half years. I did bc I had decided that I no longer wanted to have children.
I did not address how icky I felt at him trying to convince me out of what I want for myself.
That ickyness is a feeling of being repressed.
It makes me feel trapped into being someone I am not.

That’s what I should have expressed last night instead of getting all defensive.

I recognize it now, next time I will know what to do and say about it.

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 7:35am
613: Ella says:

FW re 609

Thank you.

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 7:37am
614: Sweet Siren says:

Good morning everyone!

I usually just read the blog but a few weeks ago I did ask advice on if it was appropriate to send a present back to a guy who sent me flowers. Rori answered and told me not to send something back since I already sent a thank you email. I was pretty worried and almost sent him a present. I discovered a few things about me. First I think sometimes I have too much masc energy, wanting to act as if I’m the guy giving the present. Second, I have a hard time just accepting a gift & letting that joyful feeling flow within me. While I was so worried that I didnt send Mr M a Valentines gift he sent me another 1! My gratitude was in fact a gift for him! This is such a breakthrough for me!

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 7:38am
615: LiliBee says:

595: FW

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 7:39am
616: Femininewoman says:

Beautiful Sweet Siren. Thanks for sharing.

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 7:48am
617: Starla says:

i feel bad, I am not a very good listener to CF. I complain he isn’t open with me and then I shut him down when he does open up. Why would anyone ever want to be with me?

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 7:56am
618: Lizka says:

Wow Sweet Siren that’s cool!

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 7:58am
619: Sweet Siren says:

I really feel like I want to work on my vibe. I want to work on my vibe because I feel like I need to cd. I always see guys look at me but they don’t always approach me because maybe I just don’t look that approachable, like my vibe isn’t good. I’ve been focusing on things that give me a bad vibe directly or things that stress me out and therefore indirectly give me a bad vibe. Some things that directly give me a bad vibe: not getting enough sleep, when I’m not my most organized self, & lack of confidence/my negative voices. Some things that indirectly give me a bad vibe: lack of exercise, making assumptions about what others are thinking about me, and sometimes lack of healthy diet.

I am so excited because I am off this weekend (I only get 1 off a month)! I will go work out at the gym, get groceries, do my taxes, clean my apartment, pedicure, and stream some movies! If I have time I would like to go thru my closet & get rid of clothes that don’t make me feel sireny!

Maybe I’ll meet some CDs. I soooo want to meet some organically, not online because if I meet them organically I have to really be conscious of my vibe. Wow, I feel like today will be a great day!!!

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 7:58am
620: Lizka says:

Starla – Because you’re an amazing Siren! xoxo

I would like to stay and help you but I have to go run…

Later sirens! xoxoxoxox

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 7:59am
621: LiliBee says:

Rori’s words keep replaying in my head. It’s from Toxic Men:

“You brought him in so you can love yourself ‘out there’. You brought him in so you can hate yourself ‘out there’. You brought him in so you can beat yourself up, so he can beat you up.”

Everytime I feel those icky feelings w D, those words pop up in my head…and then I see it all clearly.

RORI, YOU ARE A REAL GIFT!!!

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 7:59am
622: mali says:

One thing I’m realising:

Chips and pizza don’t really do anything for me.

Sure they taste good at first, but they don’t make me feel full and nourished and glowy.

Yay me for realising this!! I dont think I’ll be eating much pizza/chips/fast food from now on!

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 8:02am
623: Femininewoman says:

Sweet Siren keeping a smile on your face is one easy way to show men they can approach you and to keep your vibe up. Keep smiling and talking to yourself “I am the air he needs to breathe”

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 8:06am
624: Femininewoman says:

Starla I like that. Now that you know you can review Rori’s book about listening at level two. You can read around the blog about that and next time you are together you can practice focussing on that.

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 8:08am
625: Memulo says:

Got your VM. Could see you tomorrow night, but feeling so excited about watching the Oscars – if you’re open to it?

Girls, is this alright you think?

Starla, yes, why would anyone want to be with you.. we never even met you and see everyone here loves you

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 8:12am
626: Starla says:

I feel like my focus has been so set on how to get what I want from a man that when I get it I don’t know how to be GOOD. I don’t know how to listen, or how to be supportive…. and really i haven’t got this whole communication thing down at all. I am a great communicator if i don’t feel afraid. I feel sad that i’ve done this for ages with every guy. and it always brings out the worst in them, even when they’re very good men.

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 8:36am
627: Femininewoman says:

Memulo I would stop at Oscar. No innocent questions. No subtle invites.

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 8:43am
628: Starla says:

Then I notice myself being like this to my guys, and then I get afraid they’re going to leave me over it, and it just makes me act even worse. it’s a “crazy 8″

and then i find a way to blame them and make it all their fault.

because i don’t want to be a doormat.

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 8:44am
629: Senior Lady Vibe says:

@506: Memulo says:
“SLV. I feel shocked….”

I see. You’re right. I actually think it’s important to do all the things on the list! I’ve had that mindset for decades! And always preaching it too. It’s me! That’s the part I meant.

–live life true myself
–work at what I enjoy
–express myself
–stay in touch with friends (I could probably do better with that one …)
–let myself be happy.

I originally posted:

SLV: @446: lk
That’s what I do…

But it didn’t go through and I lost signal; when I came back I posted “that’s me.” I didn’t mean I was like one of the dying patients but I can see how it reads with new post. LOL

No worries, I’m OK.

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 8:47am
630: Starla says:

i wish i could just have a “breakthrough.” Noticing what I’m doing has never been enough to stop it. I know what I do but I do it anyway, over and over.

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 9:07am
631: lilybelle says:

533:

Lilibee~

You and I went through these things with our guys right about the same time and you are miles ahead of me in your healing and I feel so happy for you and proud of you.

I am still in the “head spinning, what the hell happened, didn’t see this coming from a mile away” stage with what happened with T and I. I hate to admit it but I am still so swirling in my head and can’t seem to stop. I don’t know how to fix me at this point. I really thought he was “My Guy”…felt it all the way to my bones but it is clear, that he does not feel the same. Wow, that hurts…alot.

What I have to keep telling myself is this and maybe this can be useful to you with your interactions with D..

“My Guy” would rather poke a stick in his eye than hurt me in the manner with which you have.

FM be damn$d at ths point. lol.

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 9:08am
632: Senior Lady Vibe says:

@508: Jilly says:
“…I also performed my first CO2 Laser treatment last night and I have another appt. in the morning…I feel like a doctor lol..these treatments are intense!!..”

I’m intrigued by this. I thought you were repelling from helicopters in your professional life. This sounds tamer… but very interesting, please tell more. Are you also nurse or aesthetician?

I have sun damage and scars and in past years I had some not too effective injections for scarring. One doctor suggested referral for laser treatments but I
didn’t opt for it then.

I’ve recently seen new laser equipment this week on TV…maybe this is a sign for me to explore this now.

Are you getting good results? What kind of machine are you using? Thanks for any more info you can give.

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 9:08am
633: LiliBee says:

629:

Hey Starla,

When you figure that one out, can you let me in on it?
I have even been on the receiving end of doing what I do, and I still do it.

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 9:18am
634: Senior Lady Vibe says:

@555: Luzydel says:
“…So I have not interesting stories to bring. So I am going to continue working on myself, go out more and be open to life surprises. …”

I LOVED the stories you posted about your ME DATES. Women often come to the blog heartbroken and not knowing if they can be happy. Your posts were inspiring and valuable.

Please keep us posted whatever you are doing.

xoxo

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 9:22am
635: LiliBee says:

630:

Lovely Lillybelle,

“My Guy” would rather poke a stick in his eye than hurt me in the manner with which you have.

I don’t get it, can’t decipher the sentence.
Can you help me by rephrasing? or explaining?

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 9:22am
636: Brenda says:

How would you like your coffee this morning?

Uh, crunchy! And it’s afternoon, not morning!

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 9:23am
637: Senior Lady Vibe says:

@399: Rori Raye says:
“…Life is short. Help yourself enjoy it. Love, Rori”

Wise words!

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 9:24am
638: lilybelle says:

634:

What I mean is, and what I call the man I haven’t met yet but know is coming to fulfill my desire for THE relationship to beat all relationships…is “My Guy”

My guy, the one who is for me and values me and cares for me and respects and loves me like no other…would rather poke a stick in his eye than hurt me in the way in which “you” have.

Does that help I wonder?

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 9:30am
639: Senior Lady Vibe says:

@635: Brenda

I haven’t had coffee yet either. I guess I’d better wake up “Sweetie” and get the show on the road.

I want a jelly donut too… LOL

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 9:44am
640: Brenda says:

I just wrote a letter to Ryan that I am NOT sending. I just wrote it to vent and clear my head and heart. I have so much bottled up frustration inside over 3 years of having a carrot dangled in front of me. I don’t know what to do. Well, I do know what to do, and that is to leave him alone and circular date.

But I don’t want to. Circular Dating feels like work, and Rori said to make it fun by doing activities that you would enjoy whether or not a man is with you. So I need to explore that idea on meetup dot com or something. I need to get this CDing off the ground, and I feel scared and I dread it. I don’t want to date! Yet I know it is best for now. So I will work on my attitude about that and maybe baby step it by just doing one CD date a week to start.

Ugh. I miss Ryan, and I feel frustrated that I miss him when he is so annoying! I love him so so much!

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 9:52am
641: Senior Lady Vibe says:

@637: lilybelle

I’ve been wondering who the “you” was… wondering if it was Lilibee hurting you but that didn’t see that it was. Still don’t know who “you” is… Ok, though…

How are you?

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 9:52am
642: Starla says:

go$h i need to proce$$ @nd get $upport @nd vent my inten$e de$ire to control but my keybo@rd i$n’t working very well @nd it i$ p@in$t@king to type with re@l letter$ in$te@d of the$e $ymbol$. I feel like I’m going to explode.

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 10:00am
643: Senior Lady Vibe says:

@639: Brenda says:
“…But I don’t want to. Circular Dating feels like work, and Rori said to make it fun by doing activities that you would enjoy whether or not a man is with you. So I need to explore that idea on meetup dot com or something….”

Yay! I think that’s the to way go.

Questions I ask myself. What would I be doing even if I had a loving committed life partner? What would I be doing with my life? I have a huge bunch of stuff to explore.

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 10:01am
644: Senior Lady Vibe says:

It’s decided. Sweetie and I are going out for donuts, not the yucky Dunkin Donuts ones, nor chic bakery pastries.

We are getting off the coffee truck yummy ones. tee hee. …if I can find one of those on Saturday afternoon Sweetie says the donuts will be stale. I don’t care. I’m going to eat his anyway… LOL

No, I haven’t gone ’round the bend… I’m just having fun.

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 10:16am
645: Femininewoman says:

Starla type away even if the words aren’t legible. At least you will get the intensity out. Also stomp around your room and shake yourself to get the energy out or at least move it around so you don’t explode.

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 10:29am
646: Starla says:

when I c@n po$t e@$ily I h@ve $o much to $h@re

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 10:50am
647: Starla says:

th@nk you fw. you rock:)

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 10:52am
648: LiliBee says:

637:

I get it now.

640: SLV,

I think the “you” is the “wrong man”. Is that right Lilybelle?

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 10:57am
649: Sun Goddess says:

Well I screwed that up big time. He wanted to have fun with me and I tried really hard to just enjoy the moment, but the fear of next week held me back and finally broke through. I tried to use feeling messages to convey how it felt when he spent a long time on his phone when we are together. It failed and he ended up telling me I was nagging and trying to start a fight. So, I brought him to his car and he told me that I have not changed and that I bottle things up until I can’t take the, anymore and then take out out on whoever is around. I want so bad to change this pattern but somehow I cannot. I can’t be with LP. There’s too much pain there, I don’t feel appreciated, and I can’t wait anymore to feel good about us.

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 11:00am
650: LiliBee says:

Starla,

I can still make out what you type even if it’s funky.

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 11:01am
651: Sun Goddess says:

After everything went horribly wrong I asked for some of the money he owes me and he said he would contact me. I feel like he knows I a, giving up on us and that is the only way I will have to see him again.

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 11:01am
652: LiliBee says:

648:

I know that feeling SG.

I struggled w recognizing my feelings and expressing them on the spot. It comes up way later when the timing is off, and I end up ruining a good moment he was trying to give me.

The only thing that helps me is keeping to connecting w myself. The more I check in w myself and sink into my feelings, the easier and faster it becomes for me to recognize them and express them.
I still have a way to go, but I see how better I am at it, and I want to keep getting even better at it.
I feel I’m on the right track bc I feel a whole lot better about myself.

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 11:07am
653: Sun Goddess says:

I feel so low right now like everything is wrong in every part of my life. Part of me wants to skip all the treatment and hope I fade away fast.

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 11:12am
654: Starbright says:

SG,

I feel sad reading that. Sometimes it can feel like everything is wrong. What can you do right now to feel just a little bit better? Take a walk outside? Have a nice cup of tea or coffee? Listen to some soothing music? Take a hot bath or shower? Cuddle up with a pet? Take some deep breaths?

xoxo

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 11:20am
655: Starbright says:

SG,

And, don’t be too hard on yourself! In fact be extra kind. No one is perfect. We are all learning and growing. Just take it one step at a time.

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 11:23am
656: Brenda says:

SLV,

RE: #642 – “Questions I ask myself. What would I be doing even if I had a loving committed life partner? What would I be doing with my life? I have a huge bunch of stuff to explore.”

Good questions! I would NOT be home vegetating on my computer in order to keep myself from texting Ryan!!

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 11:25am
657: Siren Angel says:

Memulo @578,

You say: ‘Wondering – do you not think that if I;m asked for availability and said I am available for a call in the next half hour, it is polite at least to let me know in the next 2 days (!) that he is not able to talk? Frankly, I would expect this not only from a romantic partner, but from anyone. Yes, I do want to express it eventually to him and state my take on it. Not in the above terms, but the above idea.’

Maybe he was not available in the ‘next half hour’. Did you give him another option? I am reading that he may have had in mind a time, or day, and ‘in the next half hour’ may have seemed like you were in a hurry to talk with him… sorry, but I’m afraid that’s how he could have perceived it.

Next time, can you be more vague and say ‘tonight or thrusday (for example’

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 11:25am
658: Sun Goddess says:

I don’t mean it the way that it came across really. I’m just so sad. LP called me and want help with his taxes. He wants to meet for lunch. I told him I feel unheard when I talk to him and then he was quiet. I feel angry, sad, mad, frustrated, and so confused. I don’t think we will ever be able to rebuild us and honestly I’m so tired of trying.

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 11:27am
659: Silver-Tongued Siren says:

Jilly 527 “STS…does MILW know about BF..sorry if you’ve already explained this”

Jilly, i am not sure i am clear about your question, but yes MILW knows about BF..

yes MILW has met BF, we have stayed in the same house, gone to things together at times..

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 11:49am
660: Femininewoman says:

Sun Goddess I believe he became quiet because he doesn’t know how to make you happy and might be feeling like a failure as a result. I am wondering if you could try tellin ghim that you just want him to listen when you are talking. You don’t want any suggestion or any solution. You just want to talk and for him to listen and ask him if he things he could help you that way. Then see what he says. Don’t focus on rebuilding us. That is his job. It might be that you have a lot bottled up inside and just want to share your insides with him. I am sensing that if he just holds you while you talk and allow you to talk it might help take the edge off of what you are going through right now. Just that he needs to feel like he is not responsible for making you feel better.

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 12:04pm
661: Lizka says:

Well my mom got here and I said earlier to myself that I woul not accept any invitation from ATW after she gets here (wich is about 24 hours before yomorrow night.

So that’s it. No ATW this weekend again. This is gonna be 2 weeks I haven’t see him.

I’m getting really really annoyed and really about to give up on this.

Arrrg he’s making me so angry!!!

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 12:07pm
662: Brenda says:

“Don’t judge people by their covers.
Most of their books are still being written.”

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 12:13pm
663: Lizka says:

I feel really stressed. Don’t know if it’s because of the situation with ATW or my mom is really stressing me out but my vibe must be really really dark and low and in these conditions, Dicaprio will probably not call me to tell me what the plan is if he can feels how tense I am…

Ahhh I have to switch this vibe!!!

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 12:18pm
664: Senior Lady Vibe says:

@Brenda

Did you have your crunchy coffee?

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 12:25pm
665: Femininewoman says:

For now – Sink In – no matter what you’re feeling…and let the good feelings flow with the sad feelings, the easy ones with the difficult…let it all be felt, because THAT’S where your POWER is!

Love, Rori

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 12:55pm
666: Lizka says:

Dicaprio haven’t confirm me the plan yet. It’s 4 pm here and I was not expecting a message before 5 or 6 pm (he tols me yesterday that he woke up at 4 pm) but I want to get ready in case he still haven’t text me by 7 or 7.30…

If he haven’t contact me by this time, should i just assume that he’s not interested anymore for tonight and make my own plans or can i send a fm asking what is the plan?

I know you’re all going to say do not text but I feel a little afraid that my answer to his invitation might have be confusing…

Perhaps I should say “I feel confuse. Did you said you wanted to ‘go somewhere the two of us tonight’ ?” and myabe I could add “that would feel fun, what do you think?”

Any thoughts?

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 12:59pm
667: Femininewoman says:

“That means that this feeling of confusion and brokenness that every human has felt at some time or another in our lives is a source of beauty and colour and new reflections and possibilities.

If everything remained the same, if we walked along the same path down to the river every day until there was a groove there (as we do; in Sanskrit this is called Samskara, habits or even “some scars”), this routine would become so limited, so toxic to us that, well, the crocs would catch on, and we’d get plucked from the banks, spun and eaten.

So now is the time, this time of confusion and brokenness and fear and sadness, to get up on that fear, ride it down to the river, dip into the waves, and let yourself break. Become a prism.

All the places where you’ve shattered can now reflect light and colour where there was none. Now is the time to become something new, to choose a new whole.

But remember Akhilanda’s lesson: even that new whole, that new, colourful, amazing groove that we create, is an illusion. It means nothing unless we can keep on breaking apart and putting ourselves together again as many times as we need to. We are already “never not broken.” We were never a consistent, limited whole. In our brokenness, we are unlimited. And that means we are amazing.”

~

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 1:02pm
668: Lizka says:

FW 664 –

Thank you, that’s exactly what I needed right now

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 1:04pm
669: Femininewoman says:

I for most of my life have feared brokenness. The thought of breaking apart and putting myself together again as many times as possible is still scary. I like consistency. I like stability. I like to know what is around the bend. I like routine. I am afraid that when I break apart I might not be able to putting myself back together again without jagged edges and rough spots. Then have to spend umpteen years in the future smoothing out those rough spots and jagged edges. Life is scary. The unknown is scary so I would prefer not to have to think about putting myself together again. I admit that thinking about it has my creative juices flowing and that is not an area of my life that I have felt comfortable with. I prefer to think that I am not creative. I like to live in the what is and what already has been. Creating something new out of brokeness might wake up some ghosts lurking in the shadows. It feels scary and like my past will come back to haunt me as ghosts that have grown bigger and wiser. What can I learn from the ashes of brokenness? Can I be an optimist, to pick up the pieces and put them back together again. Do I like feeling like humpty dumpty?

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 1:11pm
670: Starla says:

I took the day off to take care of me:) I love me.

i dropped my stance with CF and everything turned around on a dime.

It really speaks volumes about “strong on the inside, soft on the outside.”

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 1:13pm
671: Femininewoman says:

Starla – Loveaalaay

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 1:15pm
672: Starla says:

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 1:19pm
673: Memulo says:

Lizka,

It feels confusing, stupid, unfair, but do not text. Let him come to you. Your text said you were available tonight. That’s all you have to say.

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 1:19pm
674: Memulo says:

SLV,

I feel so relieved

Hope you and Sweetie enjoyed the donuts (and he got to try his).

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 1:21pm
675: Turquoise says:

Lizka, I don’t know… I guess you could text and see what the plan is, but that is leaning forward, and probably not the sireny thing to do. I hate getting ready though, and then having plans fall through.

BUT, this is an experiment right???? YOu said you wanted to be all siren now. Sirens don’t lean forward, text or check in. You said today felt good…. not much to misunderstand there.

Maybe it would be more sireny to just have a back up plan. Something you’d like to do IF you happen to not hear from him.

I have a feeling you’ll hear from ATW tomorrow, wanting to see you tomorrow…. and you’ll have your answer. If he was listening to you, and wanted to spend time with you, planning ahead to see you would be an easy solution. I don’t think he’s ready to give you what you want right now. Doesn’t mean it won’t ever happen, but put him on the BACK of your horse, adn keep working to get across that bridge!

Everything will be ok!

DiCaprio CD will call you, but if something better comes up in the meantime… then you can always say sorry, hadn’t heard from you and I didn’t want to sit home on a Saturday night. Sorry!

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 1:21pm
676: Memulo says:

SA,

Yes, you are probably right, I misunderstood the urgency, plus was going out the next two nights in a row, but still he could text to let me know he wasn’t able to call.

Guess if I texted a friend and they responded: ok, charging my cell, can talk in 30 mins, I’d text them the next day – sorry, missed it, when can we talk? Or smth along these lines.

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 1:27pm
677: lilybelle says:

640 and 647:

Naw, Sweet Lilibee didn’t hurt me.

“You” in the context of this statement is the MAN. In this case, Lilibee’s D.

I apologize that this isn’t making sense but when I think about it to me, it makes perfect sense. It goes to show you how jumbled my thoughts are these days. I’m kinda a big mess.

MY guy would never hurt me like this. Kinda like you’re sweetie, SLV…he would rather poke a stick in his eye than to cause you pain.

See?? I hope??

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 1:35pm
678: Turquoise says:

My power was out 4 hours last night, so party is on for tonight,… but I’m not sure who all is coming! I feel worried it won’t be much of a party without a lot of friends here… but I know their are at least 4 girls coming… so better than nothing. We can always have another sleepover.

My ex seems to be really distancing himself. We didn’t hear much from him this week, and he hasn’t said when he’ll be back up. I do know we are having a birthday party for CM here with his family in 4 weeks. Most likely he’ll be back up before that too… so maybe he’ll be here in 2, and then in another 2. I’m not going to lead the conversation or ask questions about us. I’m just going to try and start cding, work on my vibe… and continue to work with the tools and feeling messages I’m learning here. BUT, if he doesn’t step up in a month, I’m going to try and let this go. Maybe then I will say something, but it’s too hard to move on with my life, in his house, with him here… and not know that he wants it to be any more than what it is now.

I am happy, it’s not that I want to be happy and feel that I’m not, I just don’t want to wait around and be focused on something that might not happen. I know… not supposed to have my focus on him, but it’s really hard when I’ve known him for almost half my life, have children with him, live in his house, and am intimate with him.

I don’t want to be in his head, and I don’t want to assume anything… but I do feel like I’m waiting for him to step up. And waiting around… makes it pretty impossible to up my vibe. I feel stuck, and I’m tired of it.

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 1:37pm
679: Sun Goddess says:

FW, it’s becoming clear to me that he can’t make me happy and I need to get away from him because i feel awful everytime i leave him and sometimes when i am with him. I’m scared to be alone too though. I was single, completely single, for over five years before meeting him and I was fine but now with everything going on I feel so worthless as a human. Any bits that are good about me are being picked off like a weekend fish food feeder. I have very little left. I’m curled up in a corner now like a lost sick puppy hoping someone will help me. I hate this feeling like I can’t breathe or move. I’m so glad my kids are away this weekend so they can’t see me like this.

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 1:41pm
680: tenny says:

((((((sun Goddess))))))

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 1:48pm
681: T-Girl says:

Brenda – I remember when I went to my first Meetup event it was sooooo scary. I went to a sports bar to play trivia in a part of town that I was not familiar with but I had so much fun after I got there. That first step of getting out my front door and into my car was the hardest part but I was so proud of myself afterwards.

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 1:52pm
682: lilybelle says:

668:

I am honestly fearful that this time, I won’t be put back together completely again. And that feels really scary to me.

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 1:52pm
683: Femininewoman says:

RE 674 Turquoise – texting to see what the plan is, is what Rori points out that we do when we are in imaginary relationships.

RE 677 I can imagine how difficult this must be. However, it is my assumption that if you weren’t sleeping together you might feel different even while living in his house. If he wasn’t sleeping there you could focussing on a business arrangement like a tenant. However, with the intimacy and the hormones things are not that black and white. I however, would not assume that he is distancing himself. Then again if he is it might be to process his feelings about what is taking place between you two and if that is the case I would assume it is a good thing. Until he is clear though that both of you want the same things it might be difficult for him to bring it up. Remember you could be using him as a boy toy too.

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 1:55pm
684: lk says:

@Starla

sometimes it feels so hard…. not even to Be the person we want to Be…. but even to remember or imagine what that person would do o_0 eek

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 1:59pm
685: Femininewoman says:

(((((((((((Sun Goddess)))))))))))))

What do you mean by “Any bits that are good about me are being picked off like a weekend fish food feeder”

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 1:59pm
686: Femininewoman says:

You know Sun Goddess I believe if I were in that spot you are in now, and I know that he would be willing, I would call him to just hold me. Whether you believe it or not you are worthy as a human being. Really you are.

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 2:01pm
687: lk says:

& @Starla

if you ever think that someone would have trouble forgiving you for something, forgive yourself, then apologize to them, & whenever any guilt arises, forgive yourself again. guilt will trap you i think. i love myself & my sweet mistakes. i’m practicing. lord knows i’m practicing.

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 2:01pm
688: Turquoise says:

Yeah FW…. the sex clouds things, for sure. We didn’t last weekend, and may be why I feel the distance too… I didn’t get my horomone fix, lol…. so I’m feeling the distance. BUT, I know he still wasn’t feeling well, and having stomach issues feels very unsexy, so it could just have been that. I’m so worried about being in an imaginary relationship, as this is sooo possible…. and being just an in the meantime person for him. Ugh, that feels gross. I don’t think he’d want to hurt me like that, guess I’m just worried that with all this space and distance and time between seeing him, he’ll meet someone else.

But you know what… ok, that feels scary and would hurt… but I know I’ll be ok. It would almost feel better for there to be a decision made, rather than not knowing. At least then, I’d feel like I could just keep things business like with him about the house, maintain a distance with him and have it just be about the girls… and focus on myself, meeting someone new. But that is easier said than done, because I do love him, would be hard to see him with someone else, again.

I don’t know whether I’m coming or going…. it is definitely my habit, or pattern to get impatient, and just decide it’s not going to happen, so I make that choice, make myself be ok with it. Wierd huh?

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 2:13pm
689: Siren Angel says:

Oh yes!!! Thank you Universe and Mother Earth.

I just got a bowling invite with my kiddo from a little girl I miss a ton, M’s daughter.

I am deliriously happy.

Please send good thoughts that is goes smoothly.

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 2:17pm
690: Femininewoman says:

I believe it is normal Turquoise. I also believe that there is a possibility for you two. Just that he has got to feel it. Maybe he is not feeling what he knows he need to feel deep in his guts that it can work yet. But I do believe he is feeling something if he is distancing himself. If you could get out of your head and just create those happy moments when he is around because you are feeling happy then it could help him to feel what he needs to feel. I know it is not easy though. I really do. I also believe he knows you deeply love him. Otherwise why would you be sleeping with him. You are a girl.

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 2:20pm
691: Femininewoman says:

Siren Angel you are the one who gets to decide how it goes. No matter what is happening around you or how he is behaving.

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 2:21pm
692: Sun Goddess says:

FW,

I mean that anything left that I could offer another person is being used and discarded as if I never existed.

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 2:21pm
693: Siren Angel says:

Sun Goddess,
I have been with my kiddo all day, but reading on my BB.

(((Sun Goddess)))

You are a Siren. Please don’t beat yourself ‘down’ like that. You deserve EVERYTHING. Believe it, feel it, medidate on YOUR well being, it will come to you.

It is so clear to me now that our VIBE is EVERYTHING.

(((SUN GODDESS)))

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 2:22pm
694: Femininewoman says:

I still don’t understand Sun Goddess

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 2:24pm
695: Siren Angel says:

FW, thank you. I will be using FMs with the kiddies. I am SOOO excited!!!

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 2:25pm
696: Femininewoman says:

Remember to lean back, drop your thoughts to your pelvis when you are talking with him. Try to focus on getting out of your head.

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 2:26pm
697: Sun Goddess says:

If I know how to do taxes, he’ll ask me to do taxes. If I have car, Im asked to drive. Actually, it seems like my resources are all he may want. Hmmm…maybe I really am worthless to him.

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 2:27pm
698: Turquoise says:

Yes FW, you are right. The happier I feel about myself, the easier it will be to not worry, to trust that things will work out the way they are supposed to… and that everything will be ok no matter what.

If I just keep focusing on me, I can’t go wrong.

Ok, off to get a shower and get ready for the party. 2 hours to go!

I’m sure I’ll be back on later tonight. The girls will take over the gameroom and I’ll have some down time. I hope my friend M is going to stay and hang out, and that my two sisters will still come, but the other moms had things going on tonight, a few dads dropping off, and the one mom is sick… so may be entertaining myself tonight. That is ok, will be lots of nails to paint and food to prepare. May even be some dancing, lol.

Thanks for the support, I appreciate it!

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 2:28pm
699: Femininewoman says:

How is that if he wants your resources? Maybe that is what you are showing him as your worth. Maybe that is what he is showing you that he needs or is obvious to him as a way to connect.

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 2:28pm
700: Siren Angel says:

Sun Goddess,

Are you feeling offended by him asking for so much from you?

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 2:30pm
701: Femininewoman says:

Sun Goddess have you told him that you want to feel romanced?

Have you explained to him what you need to feel that way?

Maybe he is clueless or just need you to change your words, speak in his language so that he can understand you? Remember venutian and martian are two different languages.

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 2:30pm
702: Sun Goddess says:

When I just left him I said “This feels bad, really really bad.” and all he could say in return was, “yes, today was difficult. I’ll contact you later.”. Then two minutes later he calls to ask a question about his taxes. I told him he could just borrow my computer and he mumbled, “I’ll do that tomorrow then”. I don’t understand. Maybe you’re right, maybe he wants to work thigs out and asking me for help is the only way he knows I will answer him.

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 2:33pm
703: Sun Goddess says:

I not really offended. I don’t mind helping him but, using his taxes as an example, he got himself into a huge mess and I am upset he made the decisions he made with his finances. I’m upset as if it mattered to me and it shouldn’t. I just don’t want to be with a man that can be manipulated like he was.

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 2:36pm
704: Sun Goddess says:

FW, we talked a lot about what I wanted when we were in Vegas.

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 2:37pm
705: Femininewoman says:

So Sun Goddess he was manipulated and you are thinking that he is stupid? Or an idiot?

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 2:47pm
706: Femininewoman says:

RE 703 So maybe he is thinking that he is a loser because he can’t give you what you want? Or maybe he is thinking that he is not good enough for you?

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 2:49pm
707: Sun Goddess says:

Yes, I may have made him feel that way brith out realizing it. My head is telling me he won’t ever be good enough for me, but my heart is stuck on him.

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 2:55pm
708: Femininewoman says:

Sun Goddess I understand from Reconnect that there are two ways to switch our vibe. One is to express in the moment how we are feeling. Just express it, no attack.

Second you can switch your vibe by picking a better feeling thought.

If you notice that when you use feeling messages he does not know how to handle them or it pulls him down then maybe experiment with the thoughts and see what happens. It also takes time for some guys to catch on with the feeling messages so I would give him some time. Though I believe your health challenge is your biggest hurdle right now that is clouding everything else.

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 2:59pm
709: Femininewoman says:

Can you get out of your head and into your body, your intution? Remember your thoughts will create a story that can affect your emotions also? Can you also experiment with seeing him only as a brother to see how you might feel with him?

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 3:00pm
710: Daria says:

Hell yeah i just tapped away my inner doubter

now im going and acting on my first mind without thinking and theres such peace in my head

mmmm

I honor Daria Goddess.

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 3:01pm
711: Daria says:

my date was a skitzophrenic

im realizing my first man i was in love with, my neighbor Cd whose my closest Cd, and this last guy who was really nice an i like are all skitzophrenic

also Security Man

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 3:10pm
712: Daria says:

i dont trust any of my brothers and sisters to be my brothers and sisters!!! everyone wants to have sex with me or thinks i do with them or their intimate other

heal this world THIS doesnt feel comfortable

i WA?NT to feel comfortable

if this is my reality, i want to feel comfortable

heall ALL of me

heall all of my sexuality

thank u

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 3:11pm
713: Daria says:

drat

the greens burned cuz i didnt keep the top without the hole

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 3:12pm
714: Sun Goddess says:

708,

I like the idea of seeing him as a brother. That would probably changed the pressure I must put on him.

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 3:12pm
715: Daria says:

i am really liking this not doubting myself thing!

its making me feel clearheaded and refresh headed

and feeling powerful and flowy

mmmm

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 3:15pm
716: Liz says:

Starla @629

Hi! I read your post about wanting to stop doing the same things over and over but not having much luck with it. That does not feel good! But having awareness of it is definitely the first step, for sure. Rori talks about what does this behavior get for you in Toxic Men, what is the payoff for you?
I am not sure what it is you are doing over and over, i am not caught up in the blog…
but i know I do things over and over and accepting these behaviors and loving them really helps me to shift them….
hugs, i hope things are going ok with CF and all your CD’s
and that grad school is good.

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 3:22pm
717: Liz says:

Hi Daria
I read your post about how you were one of two bloggers on the blog and so you blogged to learn how to express yourself, not to get a response.
That really made me feel SO much better about the comment you made about me a while back, because i understood where it was coming from. My introduction to the blog was reading sirens posting their thoughts and getting feedback, so this blog must have shifted quite a bit. I would be interested in hearing from you what the blog was like before and how it has developed….I know I feel really happy the blog is here and that I can express myself here and that i can get feedback also. Both are so valuable. Sometimes getting feedback for me is like being watered with gentle raindrops and also having the freedom to express is, well, freeing!
Well, I need to go get my son.
I need to post about accountantCD, since it is tax season and he is doing my taxes.
I talked to Dominique one-on-one and she is such a sweetheart and she helped me understand my feelings about this situation and what I was resisting and alot of my funk last thursday evaporated after meeting with her. She is amazing…..

To make a long story short, accountantCD has been helping me a lot with getting a refund from the feds and lowering the tax due from the state. I doubled my income, so I lose a lot of benefits….sound familiar, Starla?
And in one of our conversations, he told me with a very sweet FM, ‘I feel so close to you.”
I don’t know what is going to happen, but at least I was able to really be present with him with an open heart and be in my feminine, thanks to Dominique.

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 3:33pm
718: LiliBee says:

I feel sad and lonely

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 3:34pm
719: Sun Goddess says:

Me too LiliBee!

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 3:35pm
720: FlowerChild77 says:

(((((Lilybee)))))

If it helps any, your comment that you, “feel too good now to let him in” is SUCH an inspiration to me!! You are such a lovely, strong Siren!

I understand why you are mistrustful and need some time. (If he really, really loves you and wants to be with you—he’ll keep trying.)

I’m sorry you feel lonely…maybe listening to some Abraham on youtube would help. Hearing her say, “there is great love here for you” always makes me feel so good inside.

And there is great love here, on the blog, for you too! <3

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 3:49pm
721: Sun Goddess says:

Guys are being so sweet on POF. Wish one would ask me to drinks tonight.

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 3:50pm
722: LiliBee says:

I cancelled my icefishing and iceskating today bc of the snowstorm

I was so looking forward to it. I was all happy and excited to go, but it was windy and snowing all day.
I chickened out driving 1 hour in that weather.
I felt so disappointed.

I put on my snow suit, went out to remove the snow from my car, then went for a walk in the snow.

There was a 3 hour special show w Oprah attending a Tony Robbins seminar. I fell asleep on it.

Instead of having the fun day I had planned on, I spent it thinking about D

Plan B was to vacuum and wash my floors, then have a home spa day.

I did none of it. I kept going over everything I said to D last night.
I still felt anger and resentment.

I slept for 2 hours, and when I woke up, I felt sad and lonely

D called almost an hour ago. He asked me if I would like to watch a movie w him.
I can’t believe how persistant he is after everything I said last night.

He’s feeling sad and lonely too. But in the past, he did not hesitate one moment to dump me in the blink of an eye to accept invitations to go do something else with other people…I still felt sad and lonely being “with” him.

I want to call my friend and ask her if she still went to the icefishing today, but I’m afraid that my sad depressed vibe will turn her off.

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 3:50pm
723: Lizka says:

Well I’m not gonna see him. I texted “So? What’s happening tonight? I feel confused” and he answered “My dear, I will be either staying home and working or going to [festival we are having in my city]. A bit confused too have lot of tasks fall on me this morning. So I just answered OK and he replied with excuses “Though yimes as well to be honnest for me these days… (something personal)”. I feel so angry and like crying but my mom is home and sticking and arrrgggg I just want to be alone and be angry and come on the blog and spam with my madness and ask advices on what to say but I CAN’T because my mom is just there and seems like she’s never gonna leave. I feel really really really tense and damm I want her to leave and I want to smoke and ask for you girls what your advices would be on a good feeling message to say my confusion to Dicaprio for inviting me, never calling and then ending up saying he has personal issues and can not see me. I am terribly mad and tense and sad……..

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 3:58pm
724: Lizka says:

Seriously I want her to get away I need some me time right now. I just want to cry and to be angry and I feel so mad that she’s sticking for like 6 hours already… I don’t want to be mean with her because she doesn’t deserve it and doesn’t know what happens inside me. But 6 hours is enough.

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 4:00pm
725: FlowerChild77 says:

(((Lizka))) Could your mother be lonely? Sometimes when we feel bad inside it helps to reach out and see what we can give…see how we can serve others. This often gets our energy flowing in a different directions and ends up making US feel better, as well.

It seems as though you’re ‘too’ focused on the idea of a man—it might be messing up your vibe and keeping you from enjoying yourself and the rest of your life.

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 4:12pm
726: FlowerChild77 says:

Brenda…how are you doing? <3

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 4:13pm
727: FlowerChild77 says:

SunGoddess…I sent you an email.

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 4:13pm
728: Silver-Tongued Siren says:

Lizka, how disappointing!!!! I would be angry too. A little hurt. But then again, why be angry when you can be happy! there are all sorts of men just around the corner..

“the next bus comes in 15 minutes” …lol.

So sorry that he flaked out.

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 4:19pm
729: VW says:

LiliBee # 611says:

~That’s what made me reject him on the very 1st date we ever had: He tried to make me drink, he tried very hard to convince me that I was wrong for considering having a baby at age 38.
I felt icky, but did not know how to express it. So I stopped all contact w him and went on to date other men.
***************************************

VW says:
LiliBee, this is powerful moment for you…it marked the beginning your interaction with D…

This was a “breach” of communication that started your relationship with this man (sorry, i will use “u” in this feedback); I strongly encourage you to go back to that moment…when he said “he tried very hard to convince me that I was wrong for considering having a baby at age 38.” Before you get to your feelings, what did this statement meant to you at that time? What meaning did you give to it?

The only way to do that is to go back in time and reconnect to that moment…After finding out the meaning of it, then give it feelings…bring them out…express them (to yourself of course, either in writing or a pretend letter)…Somehow, what he said, although it felt bad, resonated to you at a deeper level as true…and that is why two years later you were open to him and no kids as well…

Heal that, otherwise, you will never connect to your truth…whatever that was then…and now…to the contrary, you (we) “invite” the same people/situations to beat us up about it…

Issues around having or not having children carry very deep/strong emotions…they can be sooo painful that we rather go numb and “pretend” than experience them…

Expect deep emotions to come out…Lots of love and encouragement to you

Warm hugs, VW
***************************************
~i saw him again a year later and then started dating him for 2 and a half years. I did bc I had decided that I no longer wanted to have children.
I did not address how icky I felt at him trying to convince me out of what I want for myself.
That ickyness is a feeling of being repressed.
It makes me feel trapped into being someone I am not.

******************************

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 4:22pm
730: Lizka says:

Now I feel guilty for being cold with my mother. Yes she is definitely lonely.

My saturday night is crap.

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 4:24pm
731: Peaches says:

SG and LiliBee…..yes lonliness is something to deal with isn’t it?
I’ve found it hard, and still do.

@ 691 SG – I’ve been there – for me it was like what was left of me was so broken into bits and unattractive and messy, no-one would want me. And I felt so drained and empty – thats because of all toxicicty I let into my life.

The single most helpful thing (and I tried a lot of different things) I found was quanta healing – Melanie Tonia Evans. And I also just discovered the Healing Codes which I’m finding fascinating. I don’t know if you’d feel inclined to look these up, its just a thought or two I had when I read your posts today.
Hugs xx

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 4:28pm
732: VW says:

The only time someone can do/say something to cause a “breach” into our values (e.g., self-doubt, ickness, discomfort)…is when, we, are not leaving them…thus, not leaving our truth…

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 4:28pm
733: LiliBee says:

Thanks FC77, (((SG)))

I keep repeating Lilybelle’s sentence in my head:
“My Guy” would rather poke a stick in his eye than hurt me like D has.

My girlfriend just texted me to invite me out to a nightclub.
My vibe is so sad
I feel too lazy to go, and I’m afraid I’ll just have this frowny face on all night.
But I think it may be good for me to be out and around people.
It felt really good to be alone last weekend, but his one, I feal isolated.

When D called to suggest we watch a movie together, I said no.
He said “So you just want to be alone tonight?”
Me “Yeaahh
Him “interesting Saturday night”
He said last night that he was tired of going out to bars, and frankly, me too.
He said to call him if I change my mind.
I want to stay away from him, I know I would feel bad about myself giving in so soon and so easily.
I feel like cuddling up in his arms and cry.
When I imagine myself in his arms, the big red “danger” light goes on with the words “his hugs are laced w poison”.

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 4:32pm
734: Butterfly Wings says:

562 FW – I agree with you, and that is why last night I joined a heap of meetup groups. Not singles groups but just groups of people with a common interest, and I feel really good about it.

This morning I told him that I feel awful that he’s feeling smothered and I told him what I am doing to take that pressure off him.

Hopefully my reliance on him will decrease significantly from now on. Already I have three nights this week booked, and I know he has plans for at least two of those nights, so I won’t feel so bad about it as my focus will be elsewhere.

This will be a great outcome for me too, I just know it!

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 4:33pm
735: Silver-Tongued Siren says:

lets see. MILW returned my call yesterday afternoon, mentioned he was at store getting something for his throat (lemon, ginger, pepper, honey). and “have a good night”.. that was around 6:30

No word from him, =P until this afternoon around 3:30.

I figured this is because he was going out or something but that’s me making assumptions. Maybe he stayed home. His throat feels awful. I am really worried about what it is – we think he needs to see an ENTdoctor.

I thought he had to work this morning but this was his saturday off – I got it confused- but when he came over he told me “I’ve been working doing (other job/appointments) all day!” …. (I love when he starts to tell me what he’s been doing while he’s been away).

Today, he didn’t tell me he would be home. He just came in. I was in the bathroom.

(BABY LET ME TAKE A BATH!!!!!!!!!!! I made a cocao-ginger-grapefruit-tangelo sugar/salt scrub… oh delightful! Now I must clean the tub again! lol. But I feel marvelous. Scrubbed, smooth, soft, clean, moisturized!!)

I was standing in bathroom with towel wrapped around me when suddenly I had feeling MILW was in the house.

I turned around to listen and there he was, walking into the bedroom with baby! I felt startled, a little self-conscious! lol.

He said “I came to see baby!”
BABY had on NEW shoes! I have been trying to find a particular type of shoe for him that he had before- soft shoes that he can walk well in – and when I went to look at them last time they didn’t have the right size. Apparently baby had the largest size they had at the store at that time. So I wasn’t sure if maybe they just didn’t have a larger size. But MILW went and checked and found some! (this was all mentioned weeks ago – as he was getting a hole in one shoe). Baby LOVES the shoes- they are much roomier now! He ran and ran around the house, excited. He picked up his old shoes and carried them around. lol.

And baby is always so happy to see his (MILW)!

Baby feels horrible when he leaves. when he is around he hugs him, kisses him, wants to be held a lot. Partly this is him getting older and I am happy for this because while he’s been so young he has needed and preferred mommy (the milk machine and I think many times MILW felt sad that baby didn’t want him more, and didn’t feel useful because he couldn’t console baby. And I was having a really hard time with baby, never sleeping, nursing constantly, etc.

SO happy that MILW is feeling like he can make baby AND me happy now!

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 4:35pm
736: FlowerChild77 says:

Lilybee…I’m glad you have this chance to go out and have fun. Try and laugh with your friend. Laughter is SO good for us, physically and otherwise

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 4:38pm
737: Daria says:

im feeling so good! y EFt is working, even on that one hot spot i had in my shoulder!

my whole body rearranged while i was doing EFT

im feling excited

my cat is kissing me

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 4:42pm
738: Lizka says:

I was acting so cold with my mom that she said I was funnier earlier and she left. My mom is the only person in my life who wants to spend time with me. And I kicked her out.

I am in panic right now. Crying so hard it hurts my breast. I can’t stop

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 4:44pm
739: Daria says:

im looking forward to orgasmic massages , nani kisses, and gushy sex

mm mm i know im gonna have it! i require it!

i deserve it!

yeah meee

gently easing my shyness

askign for what i want

saying no to what i dont want

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 4:44pm
740: Sun Goddess says:

Thanks Peaches I will look them up. I’m going to go get myself a milkshake right now because I think that would feel good to me.

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 4:45pm
741: Sun Goddess says:

FC-
Thanks for the email!

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 4:48pm
742: FlowerChild77 says:

I’m reading a very good book right now—maybe some of you have read it already, it’s not new. “Everyday Grace” by Marianne Williamson.

Situation with guy-i’m-with is confusing and not making me feel good—and ya know what? I don’t even care. I’m keeping busy and LOVING my life.

This book is amazing. It’s not that I’ve never heard of her, but I just never really “got into” her stuff before.

I also started “A Course in Weight Loss” (book/program by the same author) and I do believe it’s going to change my life. I don’t have a lot of weight to lose (maybe 20 pounds—I’m still a size 10) but my relationship with food is TOXIC.

I’m seriously surprised that I haven’t become diabetic (type II) from all the ^#&* sugar I eat!! My pancreas must be very forgiving!! I am thankful every day that I am fairly healthy and still have the opportunity to turn things around in this way.

If I was solely focused on just losing weight I think I’d be missing out on the real ‘heart’ of the program. I just know I have to stop ‘soothing’ myself with ice-cream (one of my biggest weaknesses—ugh!) and other sweet things. It helps to know that foods have a vibration and that ingesting bad ones messes up our alignment.

I feel totally blessed to have books like this (and Rori) and this blog and all of you to keep me motivated to be my best self.

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 5:00pm
743: Silver-Tongued Siren says:

Then, MILW asked if I had time for a massage OR if I had other things I planned to do. I said “when don’t I have a list, lol, yes I have things planned, BUT, yesterday I told you I would make time for you later/tomorrow.” I managed to give him a good thirty minute or MORE massage before baby needed me.

As we started, he talked to friend who’s renting our place out for us, who wanted to know if I’d be staying in the house or not during rental. MILW had apparently thought it over and considered that it might be ok – esp after friend told him that is common. and when on phone I mentioned “we’re not sure yet” when friend asked, to let MILW know that I was considering HIS side of things also. So we’re on the same page now, and I also let him know after the phone call that I would prefer to stay here, it would not feel easy to make the long drive (and make baby spend EXTRA time away from me) to have massage appointments.
just I thought we’d talked about this – but apparently we both said our sides but never really came to an agreement- i just *thought* he agreed because he hadn’t said anything else. he said “this always happens with us” (NOTED!)..

(((((I don’t want to be that far out of town.. blech. sighhh. I do not want to stay in someone else’s house, or have to go grocery shopping or lug my food to someone else’s house, or worry about cooking in an unfamiliar kitchen, or intruding on someone’s space, or being uncomfortable, or dragging two weeks worth of my clothes, baby’s clothes, toiletries, toys…. I Don’t Want To.

But, like I said I’d rather be happy than right. And I think I can handle it if I have to. Having a longer and longer stretch of smoother relationship interactions and happy times and good feelings is more important to me right now than the inconvenience of staying out there. HOWEVER, what about MILW and where he’s staying? Why can’t we stay there? He hasn’t offered that. ….
I am willing to make the sacrifice if MILW feels THAT worried about it – even though *I* know people will still rent the place. ))))

MILW said then I would have a babysitter (his biological mom).. but i pointed out baby may or may not be ok with that..we don’t know yet.. but that I will do it if it’s that important to him, etc.
I said all this in a completely calm, slow voice. I felt good and it felt like he felt pretty calm also!!

he touched my leg affectionately like he does often, while I worked on him.

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 5:04pm
744: Silver-Tongued Siren says:

While we did this, we mentioned the house and it could have gotten out of hand but I used feeling messages, and I think he was doing things differently than usual as well.

“if we could do this house rental thing every year..we could pay for a lot of the rent…” .. and he said “we could get the money for the wood floors”… “see, what we’re supposed to do with this house is get it to pay for *itself*, not the car payment….. that should come from other things. do you see this?”….

I started to feel tight and tense. I said “Yes, but if I have to take time off from doing other things to get it ready, then I would like to make a car payment”…

him: “time off from what? what are you doing?”

me:.. feeling really tense now. angry. ” I’m sorry, I feel defensive when I hear you say this.”

him “I know you do. I hear you feeling defensive”

me: kept my hands on him to keep the connection instead of closing to each other. “I feel bad being told that I should explain myself about what I’m doing. Also, I feel that if I’m going to put my effort into this, work on this together, be a team, then I should *benefit* from it also. And the money we’re paying (friend) if he gets it rented for us is more than my car payment!

him: what?!

me: ……. as we calculated together, the money we would make, the 15% we pay him equals to at least $600.
AND, if we charge what HE thinks we can charge, we will probably make another 50% of that total, maybe more – so.. I feel like asking to make a car payment is a small amount.

anyway, we managed to come out of that well, also.
in recent times, we would often get very closed to each other and I often didn’t feel heard or cared about. So this is all a big turn around. this all feels really good, compared.

Then MILW left to go finish some work and pick up some keys from our friend… dunno what his plans are tonight. I am just observing. I am tired of these weekends without me.

I wonder if BF will want to come down next wknd. Not sure I feel like seeing him, but telling him no feels like punishing him and he *should* be able to see the baby as often as possible. I am kind of angry at the no response to my email. oh well. remind myself, i would have been scared to death if he said yes, anyway. lol.

just angry at being ignored. he needs to learn how to express himself.. if I can take his past comments (and non-comments) as an indication.

anyway… blah. baby is sleeping on my arm, nursing right now. taking him to bed and then getting me something to eat!!!

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 5:05pm
745: Brenda says:

SLV,

RE: #663 – LOL, yeah, I had my crunchy coffee! I am into sweetening it with agave nectar these days, so I am avoiding sugar.

Did you enjoy your non-Dunkin Donuts donuts with Sweetie? Did you eat his for him?

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 5:05pm
746: Brenda says:

FlowerChild,

Right now I feel like a little girl who fell down and cut her knee, and after being soothed, she is just sniffling and starting to feel better.

That after texting Ryan quite a bit this afternoon. I’m not clear yet on if it went well or not, but I think it went well. And I feel confused because he speaks out of both sides of his mouth.

How are you?

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 5:07pm
747: Sun Goddess says:

Okay, I’m excited (and a little scared, but mostly excited)….I gave a guy my phone number and he is texting me asking me when he can meet me. He’s already said more kind things to me over text than LP said to me the whole time we were in Vegas!

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 5:09pm
748: Brenda says:

Remember I said I went to the taping of a live music video a few weeks ago? Well, here it is! Please “Like” it if you like it, and help a new band get some good footing in the music world!

They apparently cut out the part I was in, and with ten takes and lots of editing, I’m not surprised, and I don’t mind. But it turned out well!

I went to hear them last night at a coffee house, too, and it was a full house with 100 seats. Their brother band, Three Shades of Blue, was excellent, too!

Here is Fine in the Son:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l7rmvR8SwBs

I was there! LOL!

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 5:10pm
749: Silver-Tongued Siren says:

I feel good that the energy from MILW feels way more open to me now.

I love that I SEE him and sense him … navigating things differently when we feel strongly about things. we have had a few “moments” come up this week and have handled them VERY WELL!

He’s been over here everyday for a few days.

We even made dinner together. And he spent the night twice this week.

He is doing things for baby and taking care of him when I ask so I can work. He is also noticing how awful baby feels without him and being around more and paying a LOT more attention to baby. I think he feels good that baby likes it, too.

Now.. I wish we could do something to connect more, emotionally and mentally. Things we connect over while talking or doing…

Something more than work, and baby.
oh. and I completely forgot to do that “turn on your inner sex goddess” thing, today…
I kept noticing my fast and abrubt movements and speaking. typical of me.. I need to learn to slooowwwwwwwww down!

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 5:11pm
750: Sunshine says:

I feel scared and uncomfortable that I accepted an invitation w someone in the past on wed i also feel lonely and said yes. I feel embarrassed and ashamed to tell him these feelings, I wonder why i tend to feel ashamed of my feelings…when I feel something strongly I convince myself that its dramatic and crazy therefore i feel ashamed to express it…I think DARIA mentioned this a while back, any advice or reflections on this?

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 5:12pm
751: Brenda says:

There are two major reasons I have a hard time walking away from Ryan:

He is the ONLY man I ever dated who is more intelligent than me.

He is one of the few men I ever dated who is as sensitive as me.

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 5:13pm
752: Lizka says:

I’m feeling like leaning forward on ATW for a quick fix. I know. Bad Bad Bad idea…

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 5:14pm
753: Butterfly Wings says:

TH is still being a cranky pants, but I feel like I’m getting stuff done today, in between catching up here (FINALLY!) and cleaning my house.

I might finally sort out my tax too- that’ll be lovely!

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 5:16pm
754: Sunshine says:

Brenda why do you want to walk away from Ryan? fill me in

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 5:17pm
755: Silver-Tongued Siren says:

I was watching a movie last night about a woman who went to london and three men who were all best friends fell in love with her.

when she met the first one, he was arguing over a luggage cart.

she said “that’s mine”

…
NO, I just put a 1.50 in the machine, it’s mine.
him: oh, ok, then it’s yours!!
her: THANK you!!!!- I’ve always heard that british men are such gentlemen -
him- English.
her: oh! that’s where I’m going, actually! London!
him – says some other stuff-
her: NICE PANTS!
him: thanks
her: you got the matching bags, eh? (his luggage)
him: oh – yes.
her: LOVE IT!
..something like that.

anyway, in this exchange, I noticed that she immediately diffused his frustration with a big, joyful THANK YOU, and then made him feel really good by implying he was a gentleman (even though he was arguing with her over the cart).

then she made him feel even better – threw in a couple of compliments.

he was intrigued and paid the airline employee to switch her AIRLINES, putting her on HIS plane (also going to London), in the seat next to his – first class- $5000!
however she sold the $5000 ticket, sat in coach, and kept the money! haha.
he was seated next to a tacky and annoying woman sloshing all over him, drunk already.
He went to find his girl in coach… and sat next to her.

I just enjoyed this scene very much, wishing I could make a man feel that wonderful just being around him, WHILE being genuine- I would never give a compliment that is not genuine. And I don’t want to OVER compliment. But it seemed like the woman’s character did this very well..

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 5:20pm
756: Butterfly Wings says:

BAD idea alright Lizka! Be strong!

Is there something else you can do to take your mind off him?

Rori suggests we all have a list of things we love to do, hobbies, reading, whatever. Just to take your focus off him and do our own thing.

xxx

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 5:20pm
757: Silver-Tongued Siren says:

oh – and when he said “oh ok it’s yours” .. he also helped her put her bags on the cart.

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 5:21pm
758: Lizka says:

BW… too late and no answer either. woe my life really s*cks…

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 5:32pm
759: LiliBee says:

733:

I’m so happy for you BW that you found those groups.
Coz whatever the outcome of your relationship with TH, you will have a life of your own.

How did you find these groups? Did you search them on the internet? How did you search?

I would like to search those for myself.

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 5:34pm
760: Brenda says:

T-Girl,

Thanks! I’m open to going to other meetup groups. It is just not for me to choose one called “singles”. I have really bad memories of lots of “singles” groups, and it leaves me with a rotten attitude from the door.

In my mind, “Singles Group” equates to “Nerd Group”. I know that’s judgmental to say. But I decided I will find an interest group that I will enjoy with or without a good single man there. Plus then the premise of all involved is, “I am going to enjoy this special interest of mine” rather than “I am going to meet a single person.” It’s just more comfterble and organic.

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 5:40pm
761: LiliBee says:

735:

Thanks FC77,

I just had a long talk over the phone w D, he called Me to see if I changed my mind.
That talk really made me feel good. Coz I was calm and grounded, my anger and resentment totally absent.
I felt his heart open.
I told him I was going out w my friends.
I said I need my freedom and more time to heal.

He said that if ever I had too much to drink to call him and he would pick me up.
He said “even if you just feel like talking in the middle of the night, you can call me.”

I have lots to tell, but no time.
I’m hittin the shower to get ready.

I called my friend to confirm I was going and she let out a big “Yippeee!”
That feels so good to be wanted like that.

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 5:41pm
762: Daria says:

((((Lizka))))

love your little girl don’t beat yourself up. you honored a boundary for you, and maybe it came out more harshly… you can apologize…

you want to intend to honor your boundary And feel good and receive attention and affection and support from your mom both

you deserve both and this was just a babystep that can be tweaked…

it will actually Help your relationship with your mom

now you are aware how deeply you honor and appreciate her AND know that you Are able to say no when you need space to feel comfortable

when your emotional waters clear you can feel powerful… big hugs!

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 5:41pm
763: Lizka says:

it’s not gonna work. I’m never gonna be a siren.

I read and read and read and practice as much as I can and try very hard to control myself, but every time something big comes up, I go back to the beginning…

It might just not be for me…

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 5:42pm
764: LiliBee says:

Sending love to you ((( Lizka ))),

We’re going out of your way tonight, but next time we go out in town, I will let you know and we’ll meet up if you’re free.

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 5:44pm
765: Brenda says:

Sunshine,

RE: #753 – Oh, I am in a state of confusion. I can’t really answer that right now. Ask me tomorrow and I’ll give you a completely different answer than I would have given yesterday!

Seriously, I felt frustrated after Valentine’s Day came and went, and I chose to end the friendship after he didn’t even contact me for almost a week. I just can’t handle it. He just won’t make a move. He didn’t make a move over Christmas, New Year, my birthday, and now Valentine’s Day.

Today I was texting him and it went from really bad to who knows what will happen next? I don’t know what end’s up, and I suck at holding boundaries, and I feel really confused and vulnerable tonight. Part of me feels like hugging him and part of me feels like slapping him (I would never do that, Starla).

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 5:45pm
766: Daria says:

being wanted like that Does feel good!

im tapping on that right now

Yipeee wanting me is what i want my friends to express feeling knowing they will see me

yay!

for knowing what i want

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 5:46pm
767: Brenda says:

I think I’m being psychologically manipulated, and possibly psychologically abused, and yet I can’t be sure. And then there is a grudging admiration for him, because I am not used to people being able to think circles around me.

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 5:47pm
768: LiliBee says:

762:

Oh Yes it’s gonna work sweety pie!
Coz us sirens stick together and we’ll be here for you always and we will not let you down.

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 5:47pm
769: Lizka says:

I should have never refuse ATW’s invitation last Sunday. It seems like I really broke something between us… wow I feel so angry right now.

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 5:48pm
770: Daria says:

i CALLED some of my favorite men on Thursday, and was really bold and open

i said ” i feel lonely” wanna come see me?

and the place i was in was so Goddessy..

and this Worked… they gave me acknowledgement and said they wanted to see me and made some motions toward the future

they both sounded shocked and aware of the importance and worth of a call from me

they were practically stuttering

i felt good and unlonlied (i was so lonely i was crying by myself on a wall in the park that day… was also tiredness whcih brought it out)

and one man came

i demanded it in the most feminine way a demand can be

yeah me

and then i demanded he stay with me an extra day

i wasnt ready to go home

i did very well

i am judging myeslf as demanding but really i just requested and expressed

it felt huge, especially the calling the guys and the way they responded

i was piny for them and i wanted to see whether to drop them or…

will they fulfill my loneliness?

i was in the connected place communicating

total surrender lil girlness

presenting them with something to solve for me, my loneliness

awww im judging my experience

it felt really powerful though

it felt magical that i CAn do that

im still judging them now, those men

feels good when They step up

over the phone, they did step up to cheer me up

im doing really well at taking care of my own needs by asking for them to be met

and requiring men to meet my needs in order to be around me

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 5:56pm
771: Silver-Tongued Siren says:

Lizka- I like Daria’s response to you. And Daria has lots of stuff going on with her own mom, it sounds like she relates… I think she is right.

Also, keep your energy up. Remember how great you were feeling the other night?? …

You know what I notice? Sometimes people around me (particularly my men)… seem to behave as though they believe the state of the current moment..is how things are going to be ..forEVER..and act on that. … JUST REMEMBER – THIS TOO SHALL PASS! Hang on a minute and you’ll be feeling good in no time!

And I think YES you should have because (am I remembering correctly?) he didn’t invite you out in time and you already had plans (with yourself! which are just as valid!)…

yes. Yes. You have to teach him your boundaries, and teach him how to treat you – OTHERwise, he will continue treating you this way. He will only do what you LET him do. By refusing last sunday, You are teaching him how you like to be treated. I know all this feels uncertain and scary right now, but I think soon you will see how leaning back always works out, always rights the energy, and men ALWAYS come back. And if they don’t, and if they don’t step up, they’re not the man you intend to have in your life ANYway. The men you intend to have in your life are strong, respect you, are thoughtful of you (not rushing you with last minute plans!), and they know how to take the lead. This is the kind of man you can trust, and who you will feel good with.

Rori says even players can be turned around. Probably MOST men are CAPABLE of being in relationships, I think, but they have to be properly INSPIRED with your leaning back. If you know how to behave, I hate to say it, but they will fall right into line. …. We just have to learn how to wield our power… We really hold a lot more power than we realize.

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 6:00pm
772: Lena says:

Hi, FW and Memulo.

You know I am a very fun person – we laugh all the time together. Its when I have this panic attack – I turn all so uptight inside like a walnut.

It really hurts me – last night I just pictured all the horrible things in my mind and almost cried it to stop. Why he didnt txt goodnight, why he is this, why he is that… Jesus! Its like I almost cried – please stop!

I talked to him yday. I told him that I do feel he has a good and tender heart but when I have this panic attacks because I ve been lied to a lot before… I told him that I want my doubts to be out of my way completely and thats why I am telling him all about it. I also told him that I didnt have anyone for more than a year after the break up.

He answered me that telling him is good and I said that it feels good to be able to do that and I thanked him for his patience. He send me the heart instead. We talked a bit after that – he is in another city now…

I dont want to have him in the pocket… I was in relationship when the guy hid his wife and child from me…. Everyone was telling me that – I didnt believe. After many month he admitted that. He didnt tell because he didnt want to loose me. Another like Ali had just broke up… Later I found out he was seeing her all the time, saying he misses her, etc… Just recently another guy approached me on the brink of break up and sort of wanted me too… I had so much of such stories even the word ex already sets all possible alarms. I really trusted people. You tell me its black, so its black. So when I stopped talking to A it just stood in my eyes – him hiding me again from everyone, lies, etc…

Lots of man are attracted to me. Yday when I melted after yoga I felt the shift of the inner state to smth powerful and feminine, very very loved and adored. Even the young kid at the store was starring at me. Someone approached me to ask from what country I am. I know how this things work. Its after I attract – I have no idea what to do with it…

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 6:15pm
773: Silver-Tongued Siren says:

Daria. I like that you called, feeling all open and goddessy and said you felt lonely…

I would like to do that but to me it feels like leaning forward, even if it’s just a request. I wish I could see around that… I would like to get my needs met when I want to.

the only way I have experimented with this is to post things on FB – because I have always had a hard time asking for help – asking for help with things on FB directing it at everyone all at once, rather than any particular person, OR, asking for things when I already have that particular person’s attention. Like if I man is here to see me. I may say.. oh I need a hug, or … I feel sad, can you hold me.. (i wonder if I shouldn’t be suggesting things, but these are the things I want… ?)

I like that you are getting your needs met. That feels great!

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 6:17pm
774: FlowerChild77 says:

Brenda…what do you mean you don’t know if it went well or not about texting Ryan?

I couldn’t help but notice how you said he was sensitive to you (in general, one of the things you value in him) and how that was important to you.

Then you say you feel like people who want/need to meet other people are ‘nerds’ (you feeling like the nerd-magnet.) Could this be something for you to heal? Do you think some of those people want and need friends who are sensitive to them (vs. brushing them off because they’re ‘nerds?’)

I know you’ve said in other posts that you find no ‘challenge’ in meeting/talking with men you aren’t instantly attracted to. I never got the idea that circular dating was supposed to be about any kind of ‘challenge.” I think it’s supposed to be for us to practice being ourselves—TO THE POINT THAT—when we meet someone we might be interested in, it doesn’t faze us one bit to be authentic and real.

I really like something I saw on FB recently. It says:

Serendipity
Look for something,
find something else,
and realize that what you’ve found
is more suited to your needs than
what you thought
you were looking for.

–Lawrence Block

I think this is the essence of Circular Dating in a nutshell. <3

Just me two-cents for now…

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 6:20pm
775: Silver-Tongued Siren says:

I am sitting here eating… what was lettuce wraps.. but my lettuce wasn’t broad enough. You know how when all your taco shells are broken you make “taco salad”? well my lettuce leaves were too narrow, so I made … lettuce wrap salad. lol.

Lettuce with tuna, carrots, mushrooms, ginger, garlic, cilantro, celery, peanut oil, almond sauce.. yummmm.

And drinking the very last of the bottle of spanish rioja that MILW bought especially for me after taking me out to a nice dinner where the rose was The Best I have ever tasted (didn’t like it before). We opened it the other night but I didn’t finish my last glass.

And then I have some fizzy blood orange italian soda to open. YUM!

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 6:22pm
776: Siren Angel says:

Sun Goddess,

It might help if you wrote on the blog the FMs you are using so we can help you make sure they are not blamey. Also, are you delivering too many FMs at once? I noticed they get confused if you deliver more than 1 or 2. Let him hear and FM and WAIT for his response. You may already be doing all this, but it’s just a thought as he seems to be non responsive or responding negatively to FMs, I would question how you deliver them. Forgive me if I am wrong here.

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 6:22pm
777: Butterfly Wings says:

757 Lizka – Awww

I don’t know why we sometimes do these things, but we KNOW it’s not going to end well, but we do it anyway.

I call that self sabotage, and the only reason we do that is because we’re getting some kind of “payoff” for leaning forward, even though we don’t get the outcome we need.

The key to stopping self sabotage is to try to get the same payoff in different ways (once you have worked out what it is you gain from leaning forward of course!).

xxx

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 6:25pm
778: Siren Angel says:

Well, update. Had a super nice bowling night with M and my favorite kiddies. I used FMs with the kiddies and they responded really well! Such as ‘I feel so happy to see you’ and they would do a big smile, nod and say ‘me too’. His little girl jumped in my arms when she saw me arrive and hugged me for so long, I was so moved, I almost couldn’t breathe. I had a hard time staying out of my head though because MY little one was acting up and I was so nervous. Kept focusing on dropping it all down to my pelvis for the whole 2 hours minus a few moments! It felt really nice, and M put his arm around me and kissed me at the end in front of the kiddies. YEAH!!!

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 6:26pm
779: Butterfly Wings says:

758 LiliBee – These were all through Meetup.com and after typing in my post code it came up with all of the meetup groups within a 25 mile radius.

I was surprised at how many there were, and the types of groups! It was actually very interesting!

One guy from one of the groups has already emailed me a welcome and I’m yet to work out how I can get to the city by 5.30am on a week day! Haha! Does NOT sound fun… lol

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 6:27pm
780: Butterfly Wings says:

759 Brenda – I’m the same, which is why every single group I joined last night were for both couples or singles, and were all about my topics of interest.

Some were outdoorsy, some were fitness based, others were for groups of women to catch up regularly, another was for parents (so you can bring your kids along!), and so on.

I don’t have to get out and be around men – I just need to get out and meet new friends, although I know I’ll meet new men in the process of course, especially the groups based on training for triathlons!

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 6:29pm
781: Butterfly Wings says:

760 LiliBee – You have a FANTASTIC time tonight! Yay!

xxx

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 6:30pm
782: Silver-Tongued Siren says:

772 Flowerchild –

I hope I’m remembering correctly, but I don’t think Brenda called people who want to meet people ‘nerds’, in general, she was referring to Singles Groups. And…. I have to agree. Singles groups are weird. Perhaps because of the pressure given off by the title.

Also, even if it’s important to be sensitive, ..I personally wouldn’t want to go to any singles groups. I may be “sensitive” to these personalities when I am around them, but the goal here is to find people I click with to spend time around. So I can’t blame her to not want to go to those groups – they can be awkward!

And, if it EVER fazes you to be authentic and real, it’s a challenge, isn’t it? … I do think CDing is supposed to be challenging – or at least, if it’s challenging, it DEFINITELY holds potential to heal things.

Perhaps Brenda’s challenge in not finding a challenge, is in finding and communicating what she does feel (boredom?).. but I missed part of this conversation so I am not sure. Maybe she was just saying she found it easy to talk to men she’s not instantly attracted to and therefore doesn’t really want to do it. it sounds like it’s uninteresting to her.

I’m feeling sort of defensive on Brenda’s behalf, but I think you’re bringing up important questions that you have.. so please don’t mind me. just sharing my thoughts.

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 6:31pm
783: Butterfly Wings says:

752 Lizka – You know, it’s taken me almost two years and although I’ve made a LOT of progress, you know I still have a way to go.

We are not perfect and we will make mistakes, and the same situation will keep happening for you until you learn from that mistake. And it’s then that you can move forward and toward where you want to go.

You are so beautiful, inside and out, and any man would be lucky to have you. And first you’ve got to believe it yourself ok? Once you believe it yourself, trust me – you’ll have dozens of men at your feet, because you even LOOK like a goddess!

xxxx

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 6:32pm
784: Butterfly Wings says:

768 Lizka – I really think that ATW just isn’t good enough for you. Do you really want someone who can’t man up and take control and show you how much you mean to him?

Of course not, because you deserve a lot better.

If he disappears, he’s done you a favour by weeding himself out because he was never good enough for you in the first place.

xxx

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 6:35pm
785: Butterfly Wings says:

772 FC77 – Wow I like that FB post!

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 6:37pm
786: Butterfly Wings says:

776 SA – I feel so happy for you!

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 6:40pm
787: Liz says:

Hi Lizka
Hugs, hope you feel better! You definitely ARE a siren.

Hi Brenda
Hang in there, you are doing great.

Hi Turquoise
I know how you feel leaning back is hard, i hope you
do something good for you.

Daria,
you are awesome, i love reading about your loneliness solution….since you are so good at FM’s, i wonder what you said when you called

Hi everyother siren on siren island….big hugs to everybody!

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 6:42pm
788: Siren Angel says:

Lizka,

I would encourage you to look at your body language when you are around the men. Are you leaning forward physically. mentally, thinking about FMs too much? For me, body language shift has had dramatic results (leaning back one foot behind the other, hands palms facing outwards by your side) as well as other tools to relax (air, pelvis, ect).

Nonetheless, they may just be immature and not ready to deal with a Siren! Continue practicing the tools.

As for your mom, I know you feel bad, but as a mom, and having a mother too, I can tell you mom’s will endure a lot for our happiness and I am sure she understands and wants you to be happy.

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 6:42pm
789: Sunshine says:

BRENDA, reading your posts about your particular situation feels very relatable and therefore I feel a sense of relief, strange excitement because i remind myself im not the only person that experiences this stuff! I can totally relate to the manipulation part and yes I also fall in love with men that are this way which also drives me completely crazy and confused and for me, theres a feeling of adrenaline from it, and then i feel anxious. Its as if he is playing “the rules” men version, and then I wonder “if I feel angry about this I definitely dont want to be that type of toxic person. At this point i stop leaning back bcause I feel secretly “manipulating” when I do and so I convince myself thats wrong and thats when I start being “real” and genuine and then…I lean forward call, text right away and then I feel worse! lol
I think that manipulative men or atleast if we percieve them to be is somekind of unfinished business from childhood…thats what rori says in toxic men. It is very hard to share feelings w these men who trigger this but as i write to you im inspired to do so even little baby steps…one things for sure though NOT IN TEXT. Text messages are the worst because for me there is anxiety after initiating one especially if its heavy and feeling messages so if thats you…dont do it! let me know what u think of all this

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 6:46pm
790: Siren Angel says:

BW, thank you

It was a huge shift as I had not seen the kiddies since xmas. And he had said he would not introduce them again until he was ‘sure’.

Also, his little girl kept asking for me to sleep over, but i replied I would love too and it would feel nice, but we didnt plan it and I don’t have my things. I think this made M more comfortable too.

It all went well and I was able to connect with every kiddie individually too while playing bowling or them playing on a DS and showing me their game.

I also felt M was relaxed, which is a big bonus as he did not want us to see each other with the kids for a while.

Also, I didnt ask M, but when his daughter saw me and hugged me she said ‘I thought you and my dad were over for good’ (meaning I’m thinking he actually told them were back on!)

I am amazed. Thank you kiddies, I love you. Thank you M. Thank you Universe and Mother Earth.

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 6:48pm
791: Liz says:

STS

What is the do the inner goddess thing? Does that make you slow down?

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 6:48pm
792: Brenda says:

FlowerChild,

RE: #772 – All my life, I have been a nerd magnet. I know this sounds judgmental, but it is what I think. I have always been very nice to people, kindhearted and friendly. So low-functioning men who are brushed off by other women gravitate to me, because I don’t brush them away.

So when I am in public, say at a Christian Singles group, the kind of which I have attended all my life, off and on, the nerdy types gravitate to me. My friends are bipolar, blind, have cerebral palsy, are in wheelchairs, have few social skills, speak ludely in front of women, or are in some other way “social misfits.” I feel perfectly at ease having a full length conversation with this type, because I have extensive experience at helping the down-and-outer feel welcome and a part of the group. That’s what good Christian girls do! They be “nice”! I’m the goddess of “nice”!

So please understand, I am not trying to be cruel when I say I don’t want to date that type, and I don’t feel challenged by that type. I love them, I feel compassion toward them, but that doesn’t mean I am obligated to marry them. The man I marry needs to be my equal spiritually, intellectually, emotionally, etc.

I don’t need any further experience Circular Dating the down-and-outer type. I am very well experienced. I am not trying to put down singles. Yes, it is something in me that needs to be healed. I have had many negative experiences in singles groups. The guy with the pimples and greasy hair seeks me out. If he has slobbery lips and speaks funny and looks at me over his coke-bottle glasses, I am the one he targets for the evening.

I will not brush this type off. I will give them the time of day. But I don’t need any further experience in saying, “I like you, but I’m just interested in being friends.” After so many decades of it, when I hear “singles group”, my mind says, “nerd group”, because I connect it to all my negative experiences with the cream of the crop already being taken. Like the runt of the litter gets chosen last and goes for the lowest price. Ugh. Hello! There’s Brenda! She’ll talk to me!

I am not trying to put down singles. I am single. I don’t want men to look at me like a misfit. I want men to see me as a princess. And I do my best to see men as princes.

But I am looking to date a very specific type, and I will not find a man who is marriage material for me just anywhere. Unlikely at least.

I don’t know – does that answer your questions?

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 6:51pm
793: Siren Angel says:

Sirens,

I watched a really good chick movie last night I rented online, ‘The Accidental Husband’. It’s about a love doctor (think Rori on the radio) getting married but giving love advice to callers on the radio. One guy gets his wedding cancelled by is fiance because she follows the ‘love doctor’s’ advice after calling in. He wants revenge. Very entertaining and very much about all of THIS.

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 6:52pm
794: Lizka says:

Ok I’m off giving love to myself. 3 cigarettes in a row is more than enough. Lol

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 6:52pm
795: Brenda says:

Sunshine,

RE: #787 – I could probably learn from you. I am just taking crumbs. I am not upholding my dignity as a woman. I feel really mixed up tonight. I don’t know if I understand everything you wrote, but I know what you said resonates at some level. My brain feels like scrambled eggs tonight after texting Ryan all afternoon.

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 6:54pm
796: Liz says:

What do i do about ColumbiaCD?
I went out with him on tuesday night and we had a beer. We had a nice talk and I gave him a hug and light peck and got in my car. He texted me twice the next day and called me twice and I did not answer. Then he just texted me twice today, I answered hi back, said I loved the snow and he texted me back, do i want to start something up with him? And he called me and it is too late to talk to him. I don’t really want to start something up with him as of now, he is nice, but i did not feel attracted. Do I just say, I don’t know, but it would feel nice to see you again? Or do I have to see him again? I really can’t imagine hanging out with him more than a few times, even though he seems nice, just not a whole lot to talk about….I feel like such a failure CDing….I never want more than one date, and of course, I want to play favorites with accountantCD….should i go out with columbiaCD another time?

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 6:54pm
797: Lizka says:

SA –

“As for your mom, I know you feel bad, but as a mom, and having a mother too, I can tell you mom’s will endure a lot for our happiness and I am sure she understands and wants you to be happy.”

Thank you that made me feel so good.

I just called her to apologize about my mood shift and she said she understands and she loves me.

That helps to feel better.

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 6:59pm
798: Lizka says:

Thank you Liz

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 7:00pm
799: Siren Angel says:

Sunshine @787, Brenda,

One of the tools Rori mentions is the ‘mirror’ tool (not sure if it’s in Modern Siren or Reconnect). You may want to review this tool. It is how our vision of ourself gets distorted by men’s manipulation, which allows them to manipulate us further by distorting how we see ourselves. I don’t feel I’m explaining it well at all and I should review it myself, but worth looking into.

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 7:01pm
800: Siren Angel says:

Awww LIZKA,

You did a great thing calling your mom. I’m happy for you.

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 7:02pm
801: Liz says:

BW and Lizka
That feels like a really good perspective….he is not capapble of stepping up….and so when we are with someone who cannot step up and we don’t like it, we can shift from beating ourselves up to asking the universe for someone who can step up!

I like that! So for me, if accountantCD vanishes after taxes are done, I will know that he can’t step up and I will know what I like and don’t like and learn how to ask for what i want. it all sounds so simple.
I love reading all these posts.

Now, i better get off the blog and say goodnight to my son. I just love being on this blog….

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 7:03pm
802: Brenda says:

FC,

RE: #772 revisited – “Brenda…what do you mean you don’t know if it went well or not about texting Ryan? ”

I don’t know. I think it went really bad, and yet I feel somewhat better. I think I made a fool of myself, to the point where I’m not going to post my text.

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 7:03pm
803: Brenda says:

Siren Angel,

RE: #797 – I ought to look that up. I feel really weird tonight. I don’t know what end’s up.

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 7:04pm
804: Lizka says:

BW 782 -

I made a decision about ATW that I will try to stick to as much as I can.

I sent him a last message (big leaning forward but at this point I just don’t care) saying “Well I am free tomorrow afternoon and would have really like to spend some times with you, even if it’s a last minute plan. So I will feel really happy if I wake up with a message from you in the morning”.

If he doesn’t text me tomorrow morning, to see me tomorrow, that’s it I’m off. It’s his last chance. I think he had enough of them.

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 7:04pm
805: Lizka says:

BW -

“You are so beautiful, inside and out, and any man would be lucky to have you. And first you’ve got to believe it yourself ok? Once you believe it yourself, trust me – you’ll have dozens of men at your feet, because you even LOOK like a goddess!”

I do believe it. I know I am pretty and I know I am smart and super funny girl. But when, like lately, everyone seems to run away from me, it’s sometimes hard to keep believing.. .

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 7:07pm
806: Siren Angel says:

(((BRENDA)))

Your texts today are probably making you anxious, but what’s done is done. However I believe you STILL have control of his PERCEPTION of those texts by leaning back, even without contact or being together, simply by leaning back in your ‘head’. Shifting your thoughts, watching a movie, redoing the tools for ‘you’ not thinking about how it could help you with Ryan but more how it can help you create the love life you want for you. He will sense your thoughts are no longer ‘on’ him. I believe this because I’ve seen it.

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 7:09pm
807: Lena says:

Hi,

My messages say its waiting for moderation. What does it mean? Did I say smth wrong?

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 7:10pm
808: Lizka says:

STS 770 -

Thank you for your message. Your answers to me always feels very positive and I feel really supported. Yes I have to start believing that if men don’t come back, don’t stick or don’t step up, they’re not meant to be with me… Thank you. I will focus on that and might do a big clean up in my life…

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 7:12pm
809: Brenda says:

Siren Angel,

RE: #804 – Thanks, I’ll try. I’ve tried repeatedly all day. But my thoughts ARE on him. In fact, I have started and erased yet another text to him twice in the last hour. I haven’t sent it yet. I feel like I know what to do to be successful in relationships, but when it comes to actually doing it, I fail miserably.

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 7:13pm
810: Sunshine says:

Brenda haha i totally understand yeah i was a bit messy when writing you but yes I can relate. If theres anything I have clear is that texting is nooo good, and even feeling messages which are supposed to be a good rori tool are all weird in texts, im saving texts for quick facts such as ‘on my way” and thats it:)

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 7:13pm
811: Siren Angel says:

Liz @799,

Why are your thoughts that ‘AccountantCD will vanish after taxes are done?’

Can you replace those thoughts with positive vibration ones? Can you do the row boat tool and waterwheel tool and 100 men out the window tool?

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 7:13pm
812: Brenda says:

Lena,

805 – Did you use a swear word? Include a website?

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 7:14pm
813: Siren Angel says:

Brenda,

Maybe now is a good time for the ‘fall to your knees’ tool’… If you have been on this all day, you may need tpo have a good cry on the floor, let it all out, feel it FULLY, and move to other thoughts.

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 7:16pm
814: Lizka says:

Lena 805

Check the words you use. The message can go into moderation if you used swear words like f*ck or some other that I can’t think of…

It might also be because you posted more than one link?

Try copy/paste your post and change the suspect words

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 7:16pm
815: Butterfly Wings says:

794 Liz – I know what you mean when there is a lack of attraction, but if it were me and it was early days, I would say something like you need more time to get to know him, so it would feel good to meet up again in the future maybe? I definitely need more FM practise, so I’m sure another siren can offer something better!

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 7:17pm
816: Siren Angel says:

Brenda, I know you are more familiar with the tools than I am, sorry if I sound too ‘advicing’ on these. I just feel sad to read you this way.

Today I feel good, but I was not feeling good a short time back and nothing is ever ‘a given’. I need your advice too, and now I just want to give you the best advice I can.

(((BRENDA)))

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 7:18pm
817: Lizka says:

Lili 763

Yes I want to go out soon we definitely have to make it happen.

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 7:18pm
818: Butterfly Wings says:

800 Brenda – (((HUGS))) You know we all love you no matter what, right?

xxx

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 7:19pm
819: Butterfly Wings says:

802 Lizka – Ok, not good that you texted him, but I am happy to see you have made a decision which I hope you can stick to.

He would be an idiot not to contact you, but if he doesn’t then you know he was “below” you and couldn’t step up anyway.

xxx

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 7:20pm
820: Lizka says:

Daria 761 -

Thank you for your advice about my mom.

I ended up calling her back and apologize and she said it was perfectly ok. I still feel bad because she is really lonely and she was happy to spend the night with me but she said she understands and that she remembers being sad too when she was left alone on a Saturday night…

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 7:21pm
821: Brenda says:

Siren Angel,

RE: #811 – “Maybe now is a good time for the ‘fall to your knees’ tool’… If you have been on this all day, you may need tpo have a good cry on the floor, let it all out, feel it FULLY, and move to other thoughts.”

Good idea, except that I’ve been on the “fall to your knees tool” for a week! LOL! The laugh of insanity! Just kiddin, Starla!

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 7:23pm
822: Butterfly Wings says:

803 Lizka – You know what? What if these guys are intimidated by your beauty and your personality? Like they’re just not “man enough” to be with someone as amazing as you?

What if they’re weeding themselves out before they’ve even begun because they know they’re just never going to live up to the very high standard you deserve?

What these guys are doing is making it very easy to identify a good one when he finally comes along. It’s just that the Universe hasn’t sent that good one along yet, but he IS coming!

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 7:23pm
823: Lena says:

Hi, Brenda and Lizka.

No, no websites and I didnt use any curses at all:) No names too…

Lizka – are you Russian?

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 7:23pm
824: Brenda says:

Siren Angel,

RE: #814 – I welcome advice, anything to keep me grounded. I am on here because I need that right now, actually. So thank you!

And hugs back to you, Butterfly Wings, STS, FC, and everyone else!

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 7:25pm
825: Siren Angel says:

Brenda @807,

You wrote: I feel like I know what to do to be successful in relationships, but when it comes to actually doing it, I fail miserably.

Can you replace this with: I feel like I know how to inspire a man to be successful in relationships with me, and when it comes to actually doing it, I give him control of the outcome, I let him row the boat, I apply the tools everyday, and everyday I am amazed at the outcome coming to me.

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 7:25pm
826: Lizka says:

BW 755 –

About the list of things to do.

I have one. I will do some things that are on it tomorrow. I find it really hard when I am in panic to go find my list and immediately do something. When something like tonight happened, I just wanted to cry cry cry, smoke smoke smoke and talked to someone and SO not like doing something from this list.

I have to practice that…

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 7:25pm
827: Butterfly Wings says:

815 – Oh you so definitely should! Peaches and I are planning to meet up in the next couple of weeks too!

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 7:27pm
828: Siren Angel says:

Brenda,

One thing that has really helped is imagining the waterwheel as I am falling asleep at night. I lay in bed with my hands by my side and imagine his love coming to me and I open my heart and say ‘I am open to receiving your love’.

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 7:29pm
829: Sunshine says:

Siren Angel…I dont know that tool can ya tell me more? i have modern siren, toxic men, comm blueprint

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 7:31pm
830: Brenda says:

Siren Angel,

RE: #823 – I’m just trying to be genuine, LOL! Can you replace this with: I feel like I know how to uninspire a man to be successful in relationships with me, and when it comes to actually doing it, I try to control of the outcome, I try to row the boat, I apply pressure everyday, and everyday I am amazed when he tells me to leave him alone!

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 7:31pm
831: Lizka says:

Lena

Net. Ti russkaya?

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 7:32pm
832: Siren Angel says:

Brenda,

Whatever you do, don’t beat yourself up. Let go of the outcome and trust fully. It IS the BEST thing you can do because no matter WHAT you text or don’t text, you can’t convince a man in text messages or ‘fix’ anything. You can rely on your vibe and energy to INSPIRE him.

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 7:33pm
833: Brenda says:

Siren Angel,

RE: #826 – “One thing that has really helped is imagining the waterwheel as I am falling asleep at night. I lay in bed with my hands by my side and imagine his love coming to me and I open my heart and say ‘I am open to receiving your love’.”

I really like that! Thanks!

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 7:33pm
834: Butterfly Wings says:

824 Lizka – I totally get that. Sometimes I just want to wallow in self pity for a while before I choose to snap out of it and do something empowering.

I think that’s why I’ve decided to sign up for a heap of meetup groups – to keep my focus less on my man and more on me and my fun. I feel good about this new focus because I know it will help my vibe tremendously!

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 7:33pm
835: Lizka says:

BW 825

I’m already friend with Siren Angel and we planned to go for a drink with Lili last week but it didn’t work out. We’re all busy sirens. We’ll do it soon and post pictures on the FB page

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 7:34pm
836: Siren Angel says:

Sunshine @827, It may be in Reconnect, I will have to look it up.

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 7:34pm
837: Butterfly Wings says:

Ok, I think I just may have volunteered to be my daughter’s soccer team manager! Eeek!

Oh well, more focus on MY stuff!

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 7:35pm
838: Brenda says:

Siren Angel,

RE: #830 – Thank you! I needed to hear that. Because I am beating myself up bigtime and really second guessing myself.

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 7:36pm
839: Siren Angel says:

BW @835,

That’s great! I was assistant coach to my son’s soccer team last year. Lot’s of dads

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 7:37pm
840: Butterfly Wings says:

833 – I can’t wait to see the pics! You go girls! Maybe Peaches and I can do the same! Hehe!

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 7:39pm
841: Lena says:

Lizka,

yup:) From Ukraine actually.

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 7:40pm
842: Peaches says:

@ 825…..we are BW, and we will! I commit to that and intend to follow through, and I feel excited and happy that we’ll meet

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 7:42pm
843: Siren Angel says:

Brenda,

You’re welcome. If you can muster the strength, forget your cell phone and forget text messaging exists for now. This is NOT how you will convince him of ANYTHING. Phones are NOT Rori tools! In fact, ideally, we should only ANSWER the phone and pretend our phones cannot make calls or send texts.

You ARE stronger, you KNOW these tools inside and out, make NOW the moment you USE the tools for YOU and be surprised, open, trust, and INSPIRE HIM TO COME TO YOU WHEN HE CALLS OR TEXTS OR IS WITH YOU ONLY.

This goes for ALL Sirens, including ME too.

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 7:42pm
844: Sunshine says:

siren angel, i feel a bit ackward dont want to keep buggin but Im wondering about what you said…men’s manipulation distorts our perception of ourselves, how do i heal this..what is it about me that im saying to myself that isnt true and just an illusion from a bad experience? hmmm. Well sometimes i tell myself that my feelings are dramatic and crazy and thats a really strong and awful thing that stops me from expressing myself I wish i could break through from this. I even feel ackward saying it right now wondering if anyone here thinks that about me

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 7:44pm
845: Lizka says:

Lena

Are you now living in Ukraine or somewhere else?

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 7:44pm
846: Brenda says:

Siren Angel,

RE: #841 – Thank you! Very helpful!

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 7:46pm
847: Lizka says:

SA

“ideally, we should only ANSWER the phone and pretend our phones cannot make calls or send texts.”

Haha I wish my phone had that option. SPECIALLY when I’m drunk!!

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 7:46pm
848: Brenda says:

Butterfly Wings,

RE: Thanks for your hugs and reassurance! Do you think these sweet sirens really would accept me still if they actually read my texts between Ryan and me?! LOL! Aaaaaaah!

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 7:48pm
849: Siren Angel says:

Sunshine @842,

Don’t feel awkward about the blog, this is a safe and sacred place where we all bear our hearts.

I really have to relook the ‘mirror’ tool, but it goes something like ‘the image you see in the mirror is not exactly the same as it is reversed’. Also it’s how men’s behavior with us can distort how we see ourselves, we loose ourselves.

I said earlier I thought it was in Reconnect but I think it’s actually in Modern Siren, one of the last tools somewhere around ‘divinity’ but not sure.

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 7:49pm
850: Brenda says:

Lena,

RE: #821 – Sometimes it’s something weird. If you study it, you may find a random word you didn’t think about. Even the name Jes)us can make it go into moderation, and I’m not sure about the one that begins with “B” and ends with “itch”.

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 7:50pm
851: Sunshine says:

Brenda I would accept you! I feel a little bad I hope i did not come off bossy with “dont text!” lol…Im telling myself this too thats why hehe.

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 7:51pm
852: Brenda says:

Lizka,

RE: #845 – LOLOLOL! Me too! My phone has an option to set it for if I am on an airplane. It should add the “Drunk Option”. LOL! I like that!

One of my friends was trying to take my phone from me in 2009 when I was overfunctioning with Ryan. But I told her that it has to be MY choice. And it does. And I keep overfunctioning.

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 7:52pm
853: Butterfly Wings says:

840 Peaches – Me too! I’m totally committed am excited about meeting you too.

Yay!

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 7:53pm
854: Brenda says:

Sunshine,

It’s pretty embarrassing and pathetic! No, you didn’t come off bossy.

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 7:53pm
855: Siren Angel says:

Lizka, LOL. We learn as we go along. Try to keep your phone in your purse when you are out and drinking. When we go out, I will MAKE SURE you don’t use it!!! LOL

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 7:53pm
856: Lizka says:

Brenda

Yeah I have the airplane option too but it blocks Internet and calls and messages. I wish I could use internet and block sent messages and calls…

Heeeyyyy Apple might have an app for that!!!

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 7:55pm
857: Siren Angel says:

Brenda,

For a moment, can you imagine what it would be like if Ryan was always the one calling or texting you? How do you feel in that moment? Can you hang on to that feeling?

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 7:57pm
858: Lizka says:

OMG I found plenty of apps on Apple Store!!

There is one to block a contact name and phone number for between 1 and 48 hours!! I need that!!

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 7:57pm
859: Lena says:

Lizka – I live in Philippines:)

I will rewrite my messages.

FW – Yes, he was asking directly to trust him already. I really dont know how.

I feel its also not appropriate to bring up so many fears after few dates but I cant pretend also. I am afraid to scare him away with all this emotional blah… I am scared almost all the time. Why he is not this. Not that, etc. You think I should really talk to him about it? Now? I dread to have smth I already had before. I was lied so much straight in my face – one guy was denying to have a wife and child… That I dont know how to believe simple words. I mean he just lied STRAIGHT in my face over and over again until he finally told me the truth. I am scared to death to repeat the same experience.

As for fun part – when I let go, we are laughing together all the time. I play and tease and flirt with him. Its like smth goes out to play for a short while and than runs inside hiding.

Memulo – thank you for your reply. I dont think he loves me right now – we barely know each other but I also felt he was upset and sort of like I dont like him or appreciate.

I answered to this message of his by assuring him I dont mean to offend him with my doubts – I just want it out of my way completely. I told him that I can feel he is a good person but I was lied to so much any hint I might experience the same makes me panic… I said that I want to overcome it and thats why I tell it to him – this is how I also show my trust. He answered me that telling him is good.

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 7:58pm
860: Sunshine says:

thanks Siren Angel! I do remember it but I didnt get that from it at the time thanks so much I didnt realize the distortion she meant can definitely also be a mans manipulation that can cause this. I feel like I have to really pray and be in touch with who I am and be strong on the inside like she says. I gotta practice feeling messages but I took a step back bcause I read Joshua katz (i think thats his name) dating coach which said something about not saying feelings to men in beginning bcause its not their responsibility..but I feel frustrated. Its not like i will be venting so to speak just being honest, holding my feelings a feeling fake is too anxiety inducing so forget that back to Rori!

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 7:58pm
861: Siren Angel says:

Sunshine,

This is the amazing thing about some of Rori’s programs. We use a few tools here and there, but then something we heard and didnt pay attention to comes back to us at the right moment. It helps to listen to them again and repractice the tools.

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 8:03pm
862: Butterfly Wings says:

Awww… TH just went out (I didn’t hear him leave!!) and bought me some lunch! Noice!

He went to our fave takeaway place just in the next street and bought my favourite food from there.

I think that’s a reach out. I said thank you of course!

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 8:04pm
863: Lizka says:

Hmmmm

ATW just texted me “Good evening [the ugly pet name I hate to be call]. I am in XXX city. I’ll call you tomorrow. ”

I don’t feel like answering. There’s nothing to answer anyway. We’ll see if he calls tomorrow. If not, too bad. It’s the last chance.

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 8:06pm
864: Lizka says:

Lena

I see. I am Canadian. Very very very French Canadian, but I have this strong attraction for Eastern Europe since I was a teen.

I did my bachelor degree in history and my major in Russian/USSR history. My final paper was about Leningrad during Patriot war.

When I was 21 I was working in a bar and met my first russian friends and he introduced me to the whole Russian community. I would say now that 70% of my friends are Russians.

Since then, I took russian language classes in University and talk it a little bit.

I feel very passionate by russian culture and russian language and of course russian history.

I feel really attracted by this people and I just love being around them. I must have be Russian in another life. Sometimes I like to pretend I am one. Lol I know it’s weird.

I thought you could be Russian when I first saw your name.

“Lizka” is the translation I make with my own name. Lot of my friends call me like that.

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 8:11pm
865: Siren Angel says:

Lizka @831,

Are you not answering because you are leaning back after having texted him earlier OR because he is in XXX city and you didnt know about it (and it may not suit the plans you were hoping for)?

If you are not answering because you are upset he is in another city ect, be careful not to ‘close’ your heart and energy.

If you are just leaning back with an open heart and a good vibe in you and for him, then that’s fine that you dont answer (you could also be asleep or out at this time)

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 8:14pm
866: Siren Angel says:

I need to go catch up on beauty sleep, maybe some reading or movie.

Night night Sirens! Be good. Hugs to you all.

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 8:15pm
867: Starla says:

siren angel, you sound amazing lately:)

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 8:19pm
868: Femininewoman says:

RE 847 Definitely not in Reconnect

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 8:21pm
869: Butterfly Wings says:

TH is still not really talking to me though. His little token gesture was probably more to say “I care about you, but don’t start thinking I’m no longer mad at you!” or something like that! Haha!

I feel good that he did that though. It was nice of him to think of me.

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 8:23pm
870: Brenda says:

BW,

RE: #860 – That is so cool! He is a nice man!

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 8:25pm
871: Sunshine says:

im gonna list some positive qualities i feel I have and fix this distorted thing ive got in my head- I am a caring friend and a good listener, ambitious, smart, creative, a cute latina and Ive got a nice ass!! haha feel free to list your qualities! what do you like about yourself? feel free to say it! I started…go ahead and show that that side of the mirror that is who you are

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 8:36pm
872: Lizka says:

SA 863

Oh no it’s not to punish him at all.

1st his message didn’t request an answer. he just said he will call me tomorrow. So I don’t want to say “ok” and have the last word.

2nd I’m also not answering because I want to catch up on leaning back after leaning forward like crazy earlier.

I’m still very open like always

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 8:37pm
873: Butterfly Wings says:

Awwww! I just asked my daughter if she’d be ok with me being her team’s manager, and she replied with “oh yes please!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

I love my baby girl!

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 8:40pm
874: Lizka says:

Cute BW

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 8:58pm
875: Brenda says:

BW,

That’s cool! What kind of team is it?

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 8:58pm
876: Butterfly Wings says:

She plays Under 15 girls soccer Brenda.

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 9:02pm
877: Lizka says:

Haha Silly Me just had a funny thought.

Last night I tried a sample of a new cream. I woke up with TWO pimples on my chin because the cream was too rich for my oily skin. I felt so ugly. They were like HUGE pimples!! lol

Soooo, maybe the Universe made it synchronise for me that Dicaprio would cancel our date so he doesn’t see my huge pimples and my low self esteem…

Hehe who knows?

So he might reschedule when pimples are gone. Hehe I know it’s stupid but it’s funny to think.

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 9:04pm
878: Lizka says:

And by the way, as soon as my good mood came back tonight, got a text from the sexy French lawyer finally inviting me for drinks. yay!!!

I’m not really attracted by him even thought he’s cute and rich, but I will definitely use it as a good practice. I think I need it

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 9:06pm
879: Butterfly Wings says:

Yay Lizka! Funny about the pimples! hehe! Yep the Universe was “protecting” you!

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 9:08pm
880: Turquoise says:

Hi ladies! Wow…. I didn’t know 8 little girls could make so much noise! I have to say, it’s not so bad since they can be on different floors, but it’s after midnight, time to shut the block rocker (large speaker for the ipod that is portable) and microphone down!!!! My neighbors are going to complain! Yikes!!!

They are having fun though, and CV was so surprised!!! Cake was good, as well as the food, they did makeovers and I[‘m TRYING to get them to quiet down and put on a movie.

I’m going to pour a glass of wine and try to relax… sheesh! I feel nervous with all the commotion! lol.

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 9:10pm
881: Jilly says:

Wow!! guy from POF who I felt hung up on a month ago texted earlier asking if I wanted to get together hehe…

I erased his number because I didn’t want to lean forward and text him…so I had to ask “who is this?”…

but man…I feel happy and surprised!! he said he was disappointed I deleted him …I thought it MIGHT be him…but when he said it was I felt my heart flip ..

He said he texted me after I got back from Hawaii but I never responded to his texts…

hmmm…I obviously never received those texts…I was feeling soooo into him…

and now I feel totally sireny and leaned back where he is concerned..that feels good!

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 9:13pm
882: Lizka says:

I really really really want to thank all the sirens tonight for all their help and support with my tonight’s issue. I really felt supported and loved and it’s an amazing feeling.

I got more supported here, without even asking for it that I got from my other girl friends to who I sent messages and asked for help.

This really mean so much to me. Three sirens in particular entertained me off blog for hours and hours listening to me and giving me amazing advices. You know who you are!!

((((((Siren Angel))))))

((((((Buterfly Wings))))))

((((((Liz))))))

((((((Silver-Tongued Siren))))))

((((((LiliBee))))))

((((((Daria))))))

((((((Peaches))))))

((((((Starla))))))

((((((VW))))))

((((((Everyone Else))))))

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 9:14pm
883: Butterfly Wings says:

Turquoise – so glad she’s had such a fun night! It’s amazing how noisy girls can be!

Jilly – funny how they come back…!

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 9:15pm
884: Butterfly Wings says:

Awww just glad we could be there for you Lizka.

And Peaches and I look forward to “seeing” you soon!

xxx

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 9:17pm
885: Lizka says:

BW 877 -

It might be true you know. Lately I’ve been experiencing really weird things about vibes and stuff like that. I never really believe in these things but now I kind of do… So who knows!

It feels good to think that the Universe was protecting me. Haha so I choose to believe it and it makes me smile.

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 9:17pm
886: Lizka says:

Turquoise, can you send some cake leftovers to Montreal please?

Happy you and your girls had fun

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 9:20pm
887: Butterfly Wings says:

Lizka, I have always had this belief that everything that happens in life is for a good reason – for the greater good.

So when things are really bad for me, I know there’s a reason for it – such as the Universe preparing me for my next step up, or to teach me a new lesson or to help me grow.

And I also believe that I will eventually look back on my challenges and be glad I had them.

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 9:21pm
888: Jilly says:

SLV —-yes you are right…I was rappelling out of helicopters…but I resigned my position this past July…it was a crazy fire season, I had a good buddy die…and I needed a change…

so I started Medical Esthetician School to get my Master Esthetician’s License and I am LOVING it! and I have my own weight loss coaching business I couldn’t feel happier about my life’s purpose …it has all seemed to come together…

Yes…the Lasers work and the results are good as long as the patient sticks to the protocol …staying out of the sun, using good home care products and prepping the skin with *chemical peels*, microdermabrasion, derma sound and/or facials. It can fix scarring, fine lines and wrinkles and sun spots (hyper pigmentation) It’s pretty invasive though…and requires about 5 to 7 days of downtime. I forget the name of the machine..I will find out and get back to you.

Hope you are having a great night

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 9:31pm
889: Jilly says:

BW..it is crazy!! They ALWAYS come back! I feel smiley just thinking this…

Lizka…((((hugs))) for today…I know..once you start “seeing” how vibes really impact things…it’s hard to ignore

it feels magical to know that by changing our “vibes” we can effect our world

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 9:37pm
890: Jilly says:

Turquoise…yay!! sounds like a great party!! I like your car CDing lol…that’s great

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 9:40pm
891: Sun Goddess says:

Siren Angel-

looking back my “feeling message” about him being on his phone was probably blamey because he did get very defensive afterward. I can’t remember exactly what I said though now. What should I say when he is texting or reading or doing whatever on his phone when we are together?

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 9:44pm
892: Sun Goddess says:

Guy from POF asked me to lunch and putt putt golf.

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 9:46pm
893: Jilly says:

Well..even though Rugby Man is off flying helicopters…he’s been in touch every day And he called tonight and I felt really connected, I feel soft warm and melty with him…I’m getting lots of practice with text feeling messages he likes them! he responds so well and opens right up …he gets home in 19 days…

I feel happy that I have my life going and I’m doing exactly what I’d be doing whether he was in my life or not.

I think that the universe has been waiting for me to get to this point in my life before sending my MAN I like thinking that…it feels good.

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 9:48pm
894: Jilly says:

Sun Goddess…even after you gave the first feeling message…he put it back on you didn’t he? did he change anything? like not being on his phone so much?

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 9:50pm
895: Sun Goddess says:

Yes Jilly, he said well geez. I was reading an article about the NBA but I won’t ever read in front of you again. Them I said something like, “it would feel nice if we could talk instead of sitting in silence while I drive.”. He then told me that we just spent a week together. Not sure what that has to do with talking in the car though.

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 9:57pm
896: Jilly says:

I feel unsure why he feels it’s ok to be on his phone so much when you are around…rude…

..It feels super rude to me and uncaring…and you already expressed that it felt bad…

maybe since the first way didn’t work…express…(this is new to me)

I feel so happy when we are connecting and you aren’t on your phone

one sentence…that’s it!! and don’t say anything else about it…and give him time to let it sink in…(feel free to tweak it)

I think it’s Christian Carter who says “one sentence to a man is more powerful than a conversation”…something like that…Femininewoman could probably say it better

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 9:59pm
897: Jilly says:

Sun Goddess…

I also know that Rori talks about sitting in the car with her husband and she felt all tensed up and then she let herself relax and as soon as her “vibe” switched…her husband reached out to her…(something like that)

so see if you feel all tensed up when you start talking to him..he can probably feel that..

it’s hard to keep everyone’s story straight…but I think it was you who said if you had a car..you drove..that you are always ending up doing things for him? let me go back and look

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 10:04pm
898: Sun Goddess says:

Maybe I should include myself in the sentence too. By saying, I feel so good when we are connected and aren’t spending time on our phones. Because, in the past, I used to just mirror his behavior and play on my phone thinking he would see how awful it felt, looking back I may have trained him to believe it is okay.

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 10:05pm
899: Butterfly Wings says:

SG, my man is a man of VERY few words, and while I’m a chattaholic, he’s just not like that. So he will happily sit next to me, looking at his phone (or iPad), not uttering a single word.

It’s not because he’s not interested in me as such, but purely because he just doesn’t like to talk much. His mother confirmed this recently. He just doesn’t like to talk unless he has to! Weird I know, and difficult for me to get used to.

But when he’s in a talkative mood, it’s great. And when he’s not, I do my own thing, knowing it’s not about me, but just the way he is.

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 10:05pm
900: Turquoise says:

I just had a kinda awful thought…

Like what the heck is wrong with all of us???? How often do men really turn on a dime and start stepping up, persuing us, calling, asking us out, being honest, loyal, faithful, etc. when they haven’t been? How often does it really turn around?

How many of you have read “He’s just not that into you?”
I have, and if you go by that, we are all wasting our gorgeous selves, energy and focus trying to inspire men to want a commitment with us. Either they do or don’t. If they want to be with us, they will. If they aren’t calling, aren’t sleeping with us, aren’t sexually exclusive, aren’t stepping up, it’s because they don’t want to. Period.

I am done trying to talk myself into this, disect every little thing he says and does, making moutains out of molehills.

I’m moving on with my life, doing what Rori says and shifting my focus totally on to me. If I learn to be really happy with myself, not pretend or be happy enough… then I’ll be ready for a real relationship when one appears. I won’t accept less than I want or deserve. That is a real siren, someone who has strong boundaries, and would rather be alone than try to make more out of a relationship than there is.

I really think I’ll be like the Golden Girl’s someday. Living in Florida with a couple other old lady friends. And I am ok with that. At least we’d have support, friendship, love, concern… and then just date the men that we want to for fun.

I am done worrying about everything I say and do, if I’m expressing it in clear feeling messages, if my vibe is up, if I’m manifesting anything to draw a man to me.

I really am just going to focus on myself. I can’t take this anymore. There are so many amazing women here and most of us sound unhappy. Either they’ve cheated, lied, left, don’t want it to get sticky, aren’t ready for a commitment, flirt with other women, don’t ask us out…. but they sure want to sleep with us. We deserve better ladies. No one else is going to give it to us if we can’t even give it to ourselves. SElf love baby… all the time, not just to keep busy until we have a date!!!

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 10:06pm
901: Sun Goddess says:

Yes, I did say that. He has a car too, but even when we lived together we would take mine. I guess we got into that habit because my car could fit all the kids and we still do ride in my car when we are alone because it is generally cleaner and drives better.

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 10:07pm
902: Sun Goddess says:

BW-

Could be. I know he stresses about work and become quiet, but is an NBA article really more interesting than me? That feels bad to think. I’d rather see him just look out the window.

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 10:11pm
903: Jilly says:

(((sun goddess))) I just went though and re read…I believe CDing is going to help you the best and to see this man as practice to you getting what you ultimately want…I can feel the heaviness..you deserve happiness just as much as someone who doesn’t have your health issues…..also I would really really practice loving you…that’s what really stands out to me…and being here on the blog is a great place for love and healing

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 10:14pm
904: Turquoise says:

Sorry ladies, just got kinda fired up catching up on posts. I’m tired of hearing my friends (you girls) feeling sad, disappointed, let down, being hard on yourselves, and reading my own posts… double bleck.

I don’t believe you can’t say the wrong thing to the right man, because I believe our words are very powerful and can do damage to even the best relationship…. but I do believe that with the right one, it’s not this much work, it just works.

We have to be ourselves, and sometimes we suck. Sometimes we are moody, leaning forward creatures who sound selfish, needy, worried…. these guys need to be able to take us at our worst. We have to do the same for them.

I’m just feeling frustrated. Sorry if I upset anyone.

Dang men… better wise up and appreciate these wonderful and amazing women!

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 10:17pm
905: Sun Goddess says:

Thanks Jilly. CDing is scary to me, but I did accept his offer. I have a bad feeling that LP will call tomorrow and want to do something and I will be out with this other guy. Not sure how to handle that or what to say to him.

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 10:19pm
906: Butterfly Wings says:

898 Turquoise – Yeah! I totally agree! If he’s not stepping up, then “NEXT!”.

I do know that if you “have” the guy though, it’s a little trickier, but that’s why CDing is so great.

Go you good thing!

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 10:24pm
907: Jilly says:

Turquoise…I totally hear ya!! it is ALL about self love…and I have been done worrying about it too…

I feel happy…and I do what feels good to me…that’s IT…

I follow the mantra…

trust your boundaries
follow your feelings
choose your words
be surprised

A woman can’t really go wrong with this…this is what we are learning…it benefits everyone…but most of all ourselves

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 10:24pm
908: Butterfly Wings says:

900 SG – It isn’t because the article is more interesting, but more an “outlet”. TH reads his things and listens to his music when he could be listening to me. But right now he wants to do his “thing”.

I suppose it could be like reading a good book – it allows us to take our mind of reality for a while. Make sense?

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 10:27pm
909: Sun Goddess says:

BW-

It makes sense but it still feels bad to me. Maybe if it were someone different doing it, someone with whom I don’t have all these hurt feelings and memories with.

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 10:29pm
910: Jilly says:

Sun Goddess…ooohhh..I just want to give ya a big hug!! I know it must feel weird and unsettling for you to CD…I feel really impressed and excited for you…if LP calls while you are out that’s ok right? you can call him back…

is he older than you? he sounds younger…

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 10:30pm
911: Sun Goddess says:

LP is three years older than me. The CD is two years younger. I guess we went to high school together.

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 10:31pm
912: Butterfly Wings says:

902 Turquoise – having been married twice (and failed twice), I do see the value in being more feminine, as I know that this was a major reason for the breakdown of both my marriages.

Yes, both stepped up from day 1 without any prompting from me, but as time went by, things went downhill as my masculine energy got the better of me.

So yes, there are guys who will step up from Day 1, but if we want something lasting, then I do believe that we should lean back as much as possible, and let the guy do the doing while we just be.

Since the 50′s this has become something that we can only achieve through practise.

But CDing should eliminate most of the pain here cos we’re just checking out the talent and deciding which one we want!

Says me who isn’t CDing but is soon to kind of start!

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 10:31pm
913: Sun Goddess says:

I think its cute that this guy went back to my profile and tried to pick something I would like to do because I said I would like to learn how to golf, so he suggested putt putt. Lol

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 10:33pm
914: Jilly says:

Sun Goddess..this is great…you are forming your boundaries..and that is showing self love…

it seems in the past you have let things slide that may have bothered you but you didn’t say anything and now it feels out of control…(like you always doing, driving..things like that)

Rori uses the example of a “house of cards”..we don’t have to change it all at once an bring the house down..it’s baby steps…so one thing at a time…

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 10:34pm
915: Sun Goddess says:

Jilly,

What do I say to LP about where I was and who I was with if he asks?

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 10:36pm
916: Jilly says:

SG…are you exclusive with LP? or has it been assumed?

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 10:39pm
917: Butterfly Wings says:

907 SG – time to take the focus off him and put it back on you.

Hard I know – I totally struggle with that.

xxx

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 10:41pm
918: Jilly says:

you could say “Oh I had plans” and leave it at that…

or you could say I met a friend to play golf…

if he wants to know details…then it’s up to you to decide if you are going to give the no girlfriend speech or not..

I would not give details…that’s just me…

and you have to be ok regardless of if HE likes it or not…that is the key here…

he is not giving you what you want or need…

but this isn’t about him…

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 10:42pm
919: Jilly says:

BW…I feel smiley…we are on the same page tonight lol we keep saying similar things

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 10:43pm
920: Sun Goddess says:

I don’t think we are exclusive, not since he moved out. Though i know he isn’t seeing anyone else.

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 10:43pm
921: Sun Goddess says:

916- OK, less is better. Hopefully I won’t have to say anything.

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 10:45pm
922: Butterfly Wings says:

We certainly are Jilly. And that’s because I’ve had to spend the last 24 hours trying to do just that!

And the result? He’s still as cranky as hell, but he has reached out and bought me lunch without me even prompting. A good effort by Mr Cranky Pants!

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 10:47pm
923: Jilly says:

Sun Goddess…keep us posted..remember just to follow what feels good to you…everything will be ok

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 10:48pm
924: Butterfly Wings says:

SG, it’s time to make yourself less available and increase your degree of difficulty. So if every time he calls, you’ve been out doing things with different people (not always male), then he’s going to worry that you’re going to leave him behind.

If he then steps up (which he most likely will because he’s been thinking you’re at home waiting for him until now!) then you can decide if you want him to move back in or not.

It’s a very powerful place to be!

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 10:50pm
925: Jilly says:

yay for effort from Mr. Cranky Pants!!! lol I love that you can just appreciate that he did that…

K sirens…sweet dreams…

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 10:50pm
926: Butterfly Wings says:

Night Jilly! xx

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 10:52pm
927: Turquoise says:

Yes… feminine is good, and so is the mantra. I just feel to caught up in thinking and feeling and wondering what to stay, to him! I’m not doing that, at least for now…. as I feel overwhelmed. Need to step back and just focus on myself. That is what I’m supposed to be doing, if I follow the advice here, and since I don’t really have him, he doesn’t live here, not in my daily life, the girls have cell phones, he can call them directly… I can shift and remove myself from this a little. I really need to, for me. Until I hear some words saying he wants to try, I’m not even thinking about it. I’m just going to think about me for awhile. I’ve yet to start exercising, and it will be March this week. My body needs love and attention, shifting my energy to me!!! I feel good about that. Something I can do. Something where my energy and time and focus will show a difference. I like that a whole lot! Ok, girls are still up, but I am going to bed. Goodnight all!!!

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 10:58pm
928: Sun Goddess says:

Jilly and Butterfly Wings,

Thanks for everything tonight. I am feeling much better about things. Can’t wait to see what tomorrow brings!

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 11:08pm
929: Butterfly Wings says:

Oh yes Turquoise – time to take the focus off him and put it on you!

And you know what you’re doing? You’re detaching from the outcome, which is the very best thing you can do! Yay!

xxx

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 11:16pm
930: Daria says:

thank you to all the men i had before, you all spoiled me in your ways

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 11:16pm
931: Butterfly Wings says:

I’m cooking dinner tonight for the first time since I don’t know when! Haha! TH has been looking after me all week, so I figured I’d make something that I’ve been craving for a few days (Tuscan meatballs! Yum!).

It could also be my little way of reaching out to TH too, giving a little bit back after what he has done for me.

He’s still hiding in his man cave, and I think he has taken tomorrow off work too (they made him because he has too much leave saved up!), so I’m not even sure if he’ll come to bed while I’m awake tonight.

But that’s fine. I’m ok and happy doing my own little thing all day, and I did get some stuff done earlier that I wouldn’t have gotten done if we’d gone down the coast. So I feel good about that.

I haven’t heard back from the soccer club yet, and I’m hoping it doesn’t take too much of a commitment. But then again, she is my baby and I really don’t get to spend enough time with her, so this will be a good thing!

Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 11:19pm
932: Daria says:

Daria is feeling antisocial

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 1:07am
933: Daria says:

Daria is feeling happy

Does Daria only feel social when she’s feeling unhappy?

Hmm

Daria does NOT have a cool life.

filled with stimulating enriching social experiences

and amazing men at every turn

actually she does

btu she doesnt feel like she does

its not enough

Daria STILL feels bored and alone and not good enough

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 1:09am
934: Daria says:

at least i have flirting

if i have nothing else i have flirting

now

and i have me.

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 1:10am
935: LiliBee says:

911:

Awww SG,

What a thoughtful man. I like him

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 1:11am
936: Daria says:

someone had to break it down to a *smart* girl like me… u know the nerds arent good at getting men apparently here

i guess in romania boys thought soime of my boy energy was cute, cuz i had so much girl energy too without realizing it

but no wonder my cousin was getting more boys!

i was boy/girl.

like androgynous

androgynous nerdy superhero supermodel in disguise

super ninja Daria

im showing them

ha

i am like wilder than MAdonna now

i am soooooo cool

Daria wins
!

Daria feels lonely

Daria misses being in romania

Daria misses romanian food

mmm

I like sex here!

or in Brazil!

i might like sex in brazil

i am very demaniding with sex.

i made a manifesto and i posted it on one of my popular “underground site” profiles:

soooo im hoping that will fix my no sex problem

i have no class

and my picker is broken

so i can just hope a great man has pity on me

i am so very cute

*blink blink*

i am a pink rabbit

i am waaaay too cute

to not squeeze

and squeeze

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 1:17am
937: Daria says:

i am sooooo dramatic

my papi was speakiung as to the benefits of dramtic

or omg what if that wasnt my papi and it was my gilrs dude and i confused him with my papi

and so WAHT

i m tired of everyont mad at me for exitisting and being attractive to all men!

geez!

lay up off me

i want to feel safe!

i feel SOOO Angry!!!!!!

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 1:20am
938: LiliBee says:

898:

Turquoise,

@ I really think I’ll be like the Golden Girl’s someday. Living in Florida with a couple other old lady friends. And I am ok with that. At least we’d have support, friendship, love, concern… and then just date the men that we want to for fun. ”

I love that idea! Count me in!

Thanks for the pep talk, it does help boost my confidence vibe.

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 1:24am
939: LiliBee says:

I’m glad I went out afterall.

I had 3 men cd’ing w me.

One guy pulled the bartender’s attention to demand I get served.
I made long eye contact, smiled and said a warm “thank you”.
He was eyeing me all night, but he was such a player.

A cute latin gentleman saw me dancing salsa and came to dance salsa and merengue with me.
I have taken beginner’s classes w D last year.

I got an ankle massage from a cute funny man.
He didn’t dance at all
Too bad coz I just looove dancing.
But he made me laugh and that’s a turn on.
And again, I’m a COUGAR!
He’s 30, 12 years younger than me.
He was shocked to find out my age.
He said “gee! you really take good care of yourself. Your age doesn’t bother me. I love your smile and I would really like to take you on a date sometime, anything you want to do.”
He texted me “sexy lady ” after we left the club.

I need to go online dating to get a man more my age. But age has nothing to do with maturity.
D is almost 9 years older and he is very immature.

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 1:38am
940: Butterfly Wings says:

Yay LiliBee! So glad you had a great night!

And when you get to our age, it doesn’t make much of a difference. I’ve met men well into their 40′s who are less mature than TH (although Mr Cranky Pants is acting kind of immature as he’s still not talking to me! lol). So you just never know – it’s just a personality thing.

Oh and my uncle is 14 years younger than my auntie and they’ve been together more than 20 years. It gives me hope!

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 1:43am
941: Silver Moonbeam says:

#846 Brenda

YES!!!

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 2:36am
942: Femininewoman says:

Yay Lilibee I feel happy you had fun

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 2:49am
943: Silver Moonbeam says:

Wow just caught up on the blog!!! Such loving support shown here last night it was a pleasure to read.

I am heading off to Siren Island now to catch up, I think it was started off by Jenny and what a cool idea, for any who haven’t joined yet, it’s great to be able to put faces to names and to see photo’s of the other Sirens and wow what a beautiful bunch of girls they are!!!

It’s totally private on Facebook and I LOVE it.

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 2:55am
944: Butterfly Wings says:

Me too SMB! It’s great that we can be more “open” there, although it’s great here too, so we can all learn from each others’ experiences.

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 3:38am
945: Tiffany says:

Silver Moonbeam – I just jumped back on the blog, after a several-days (maybe a week??) hiatus. And I am so, so sorry to hear about your sister. How is she doing? ((hugs))

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 4:12am
946: Tiffany says:

p.s. SM – how are *you* doing?

It also just occurred to me that Rori’s blog post in this thread could be relevant to your sister’s situation, as well. She’s grieving, and it’s painful. But probably for her – like us – the best way out of it is to really feel it, in all it’s fullness and NOT try to escape it. Even if it’s really difficult. But when it’s that deep, it’s probably good not to be alone. She’s lucky to have you all to support her. I think she’s in good hands.

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 4:15am
947: Tiffany says:

35: Starla says:

“if i kept cancelling on someone and not calling when i said i would, it wouldn’t be because i don’t like them but because i was so anxious and stressed i didn’t think i could manage talking to them very well. i actually DO this sometimes.”

Starla, this really made me think. It was a good perspective to read, to turn it around like that. Because I’ve been feeling confused about why K cancels on me so much. Why he doesn’t always call when he says he will (in fact, more often doesn’t). I wonder if he feels expectations from me. I wonder if he feels expectations, anxiety, or stress that I’m not even aware of. But I also wonder if it’s just something that he has a hard time with. Or that he doesn’t think it’s important to do these things.

He’s still struggling with his divorce, which only happened a year ago. And he’s still young, and has had very little dating experience. I don’t think he actually realizes how important it is for a woman to know that her man is going to follow through with what he says. He made the analogy to a friend one time – that his buddy wouldn’t mind if he didn’t call back. But it should be different with a woman that you are interested in. You don’t want her to be your “buddy.” Or maybe that’s just what he wants.

In which case, that’s what he gets.

I can’t be “more than a friend” with someone who doesn’t treat me as “more.” I think he’s confused.

And I feel bad, because my NVs tell me that when he cancels, it is MY fault – and they’re so quiet, I can barely hear them. I just FEEL them – like this really bad, poisonous feeling.

But when he texted me yesterday in the morning to say he wasn’t coming, I just didn’t respond. I didn’t want to get into the anger. I didn’t want to “lash out” and say something I’d regret, when what I really wanted to say was: “Well, that’s okay. I expected it. The one thing I’ve come to rely on you for is that you won’t do whatever it is you say you are going to do.”

And that’s so mean. I don’t want to be mean. But I don’t want to be “understanding” either. It is NOT OKAY when people cancel on me. I DON’T LIKE IT. But there is often nothing I can do. I can’t control someone else’s behavior. Like my friend, who canceled on me for drinks on Friday. I didn’t like that, either. But I need a better way to respond.

Right now, I am “blaming” people – because really, I am blaming myself….Ugh, NVs.

Okay. Just looking for the “nugget” here – the thing I need to learn, or hear, or heal – that will let me move forward. Open, clear, honest, and not attached to the outcome or the way people treat me, as if that’s “me.”

Whoo, that was longer than I meant to be. But I had a lot I wanted to write about that….

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 4:25am
948: Tiffany says:

Spamming blog at 4 a.m.! Yay! lol

So, to follow up from last weekend, the second wedding was fantastic! And the dessert was *much* better! lol. Actually, it was just a white cake with some raspberry inside, and white frosting. But ALL the food was kosher – so no discrimination! (I still get an icky feeling when I think about that other one. I kind of want to tell my friend about it. But I don’t want to bother her with stupid details, or worry her with my bratty inclinations – or put a damper on her special day. It was NOT a pleasant experience, however…bleh)

But the wedding was a great success!

I ran into a friend of mine, and her boyfriend, who is GREAT. And I love them, and it was so nice to see them. My friend KB (who could be considered kind of like a CD, except that we’ve never “dated”) drove me, and a couple of other people down to the wedding. So many people thought that he was my “date.” Actually, I guess he kind of was. But it was kind of funny, though. He was really flirting up a storm with me, and also an ex of his (who was beautiful, but i felt in no way “threatened”), and probably any other female around. He was in rare form! lol

And I struck up a conversation with a cute guy, who also seemed to have a date – but in fact, his “date” was a friend date, also. He kept wanting to talk to me, though. And we danced. Even to some slow songs! It was really nice. I gave him my card, and he found me on FB.

Then he emailed me. Then he CALLED me on wednesday to ask what I was doing for the weekend. Wow.

And we just got back from the most amazing date. Well, okay, “just” last night – I feel like I’ve barely slept.

He took me to a massive Orchid expo (how sexy are orchids????). He drove an hour to pick me up, then we drove an hour BACK to where the expo was – and he didn’t even mind. He wanted to! [it was hard for me to let him, but I'm glad I did ] He bought me wine and sorbet at the expo. He bought me not one, but TWO orchids. (:) ) and THEN he took me out to dinner. I suggested a fancy steak house that I knew of, that was on the way home, and he didn’t bat an eyelash at the price. Hey, I’m a siren! I deserve the best!

At the end of the day, I felt tired, but not overwhelmed. I told him I was actually glad that he’d come to pick me up. I’d been worried that I wouldn’t have enough “me time.” But I felt okay. Tired and ready to go home, but good.

And I did a quirky thing during the day, that made me laugh – it still makes me laugh. It was very silly. And he went a long with my quirkiness, and then he said, “I like you.” tehee!

I like him, too. He’s a nice guy. And I’m just noticing the big difference between the way he behaves and the way K has been treating me – or not treating me. No judgment at all. Just that I think K does not have a huge “capacity” right now. And I can’t make his capacity for relationship get any larger. Maybe it’s just easier for this guy to do what he wants to do.

I don’t know. I don’t really want to analyze it too much. I just want to enjoy how I feel – which is really cute, sexy, appreciated, valued, and treated really, really well. Yay!

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 4:39am
949: Tiffany says:

Oh yeah. There was a cool thing, in the car, where the guy had asked me what my “favorite thing” was. So I reversed the question, and asked what *his* favorite thing was. And then I asked, what was his favorite thing *today*?

So first, he said his favorite thing was me. And I said, “Well, I can’t say I blame you.” Ha!

he said he was blushing – tehee!

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 4:45am
950: Sassy says:

Turquoise

AMEN, sister!!! Well said

Much love

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 4:45am
951: Brenda says:

Silver Moonbeam,

RE: #939 – Thank you for your vote of yes to still accepting me! LOL!

I’m watching a strange movie called, “The Wind in the Willows”, about some strange fantasy land. There is a frog-looking man named frog, and he delights in driving cars all over the place, causing accidents left and right because he’s so careless. He was confronted by two other men, and he said, “I promise to never ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever drive a motor car again!”

The men said, “Good, you promise then. Thank you!”

Frog said, “I’m not sorry, and it’s no folly! Of COURSE I’m going to drive motor cars again! It’s a delight!”

They said, “But you just promised! You’re mad! Take him away!”

That’s how I feel with Ryan right now. Ugh.

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 4:56am
952: Brenda says:

LiliBee,

RE: #937 – You go, Siren Cougar! Woohoo, you had a great night CDing!

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 5:02am
953: Silver Moonbeam says:

#949 Brenda

Oh we did that book at school, didn’t even know there *was* a movie.

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 5:50am
954: Silver Moonbeam says:

#943 Tiffany

Thank you, I spoke to her this morning, she said it’s not like she wanted to do away with herself, she just wanted the pain to stop. I told her she should win an award for best actress as we were all fooled by her seemingly being so strong.

She is going to a professional bereavement counsellor tomorrow and our other sister (who doesn’t work) said she will stay with her for however long it takes.

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 6:01am
955: Lena says:

I just saw one post addressed to me –

Ella:) Hi. Thank you for such a complete answer.

You see – I am pretty sure this guy is in relationship:) And I just dont want to be part of any mess connected to it.

I am a chicken at this point. Because any kind of issue rattles me a lot and I cant do anything right with it – my work, etc. And my priority now is my own financial independence. I am sure he lied. He lied so I wont go away. And the reson he doesnt want to – because I make him feel good and he wants me. But he wont be serious with me. As simple as that. There is nothing more to that – if he will get some from me, it wont be the same. But he wont ofcourse. I wont let him.

I dont think sharing FM with him will be even appropriate – he didnt promise me anything. I will sound demanding asking for – being only one. Etc. Than why even? Its the first time I ever experience like this. I dont want to ask anything from anyone and moreover from him…

He would just laugh at all my emotions, etc. He just wants to have fun, thats all. He most probably lies to that girl and to me. And what he really wants and who he is – who knows… Its the most dangerous type – those who are just sweet-talking. And using things like “trust me”. Because you wont believe someone would be doing it in such an open way. Because he is playing the words in a way you can interpret it in any way – nothing specific.

But I am not stupid. I dont trust him. Because he is in relationship and he didnt tell it to me. I feel insulted by that. Because I am woman looking for an honest man who can commit to just one woman.

I am actually pretty angry at him. And it not my past or whatever. I am just tired of liars.

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 6:02am
956: Sun Goddess says:

Ack, I don’t know what to do! Lp’s neighbor-lady just friend requested me. Do I accept or decline or accept and limit what she sees? I wonder if she is wanting to see pictures or my relationship status? I feel weird. What do you girls think I should do?

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 6:03am
957: Lena says:

Hi, Lizka:)

Oh, I see. I was born in USSR, thats why its hard for me to tell if I am Russian or Ukrainian.

I mostly mingle with the Russian speaking group here but date or am in relationship with people of not my culture.

Lizka is like a nickname from Elizaveta:) Thats by the way one of my very good friends name here.

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 6:07am
958: Silver Moonbeam says:

Tiffany – great posts and I like the Orchid man, though that is not a name to use for him, far too feminine for a masculine man.

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 6:09am
959: Lena says:

I added him on FB. I want to see what my friend told me with my own eyes. If he wont add me up – thats about it. I will wait till Tuesday.

I am sorry if I sound very sharp – I just am so angry.

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 6:13am
960: Silver Moonbeam says:

#957 Lena

Just let it all out on the blog, vent, get angry, whatever it takes to get in touch with your feelings, don’t stuff it all down and play “nice girl.”

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 6:28am
961: T-Girl says:

Good morning everyone. I am feeling so good today even though it hasnt been the ideal weekend. My daughter and I got home from the hospital yesterday afternoon and then she wanted to recoup and relax at her dad’s house. J was working on an upgrade at his work and was expecting to be home early evening so I went to his place. Well, it turns out they had major issues and he didnt get home until 5 am. We were cuddling and I asked him if he wanted to sleep. He said “it is hard to sleep when you are holding a dream”. it makes me feel so good to hear those words especially since wr will be living together soon. I feel so happy like this is right where I am supposed to be.

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 6:33am
962: T-Girl says:

Turq, I love your post about taking care of yourself. Im not sure about the turning on a dime thing either, but I can tell a difference in J if I am operating in boy mode vs girl mode. He has verbally validated things to me that I have learned here. I remember when we were first going out, I mentioned how happy I was and he said “but you arent happy just because of me, right?” So it was a good reminder that men want us to be happy with ourselves first.

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 6:46am
963: Siren Angel says:

Starla @865, thank you. Thank you all.

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 6:49am
964: Siren Angel says:

Sun Goddess @889,

- I feel far from you in this moment
- I feel I want to enjoy every moment with you fully. What do you think?

NOT:

- I feel you are far
- I feel you are ignoring me, or even I feel ignored

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 6:57am
965: Memulo says:

SmartCD got back home last night. Texted me that he’s back.. and then another text – ‘Look forward to seeing you’. I replied – ‘welcome back;)’

Feeling curious to see what’s next!

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 7:00am
966: T-Girl says:

Re singles groups, yes, I suppose you coulf say there are nerds, but that is just one classification that is represented. There are also players and people just out to have a good time. But there are also intelligent people in the same boat as us looking for an outlet to get out of the house and meet people. But maybe I am biased because that is how I met J. And one other couple that met in the same group just announced their engagement.

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 7:02am
967: Memulo says:

SA,

Yes you do sound amazing. I’m learning so much from you!

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 7:02am
968: Sassy says:

My top two love languages are Quality Time and Physical Touch. I’m getting neither and feel neglected.

And where are Starla and Mel??? I also often wonder about Kaitlyn and whatever became of her. I started reading Rori when she was posting alot and always worried about her and the pain she was enduring with her work partner.

Much love

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 7:07am
969: Sweet Siren says:

Thanks FW & Lizka 615/617/622! I also like the post from Siren Angel about body language. I wonder how many problems we as people could avoid if we only smiled more & gave off positive vibes!

One day a couple of years ago I was having a stressful day. I only had a few minutes to run errands & grab lunch & get back to work. I was in a very busy fast food drive thru. I was very hungry & low on time. I was 1 car back from the window & kept wondering what was taking so long with the order at the window. The girl in the car in front of me looked back in her rear view mirror & smiled & drove off. I was so perplexed when I pulled up to the window & the cashier let me know that the girl in front of me paid for my order. I felt like such a jerk for previously wanting the line to move faster. I felt bad because I couldn’t thank her, as she had already driven off. I felt really envious of this girls positive outlook & good vibe! The way that girl carried herself is what I aspire to…

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 7:12am
970: Lizka says:

Ok so today is the day. I feel pretty tense and stressed thinking of it.

I said yesterday that today it’s ATW last chance or I’m walking away. He said he would call me today. If he doesn’t want to see me I’ll say ok, but I’ll be off. That’s it. That’s the promise I made to myself. I deserve it.

I need to feel loved and I need to feel a man’s presence in my life and he is not present. I haven’t seen him in 2 weeks now and we almost communicated only by text and only every two days I would say. That is not what I want.

I woke up feeling happy and writing that I find myself getting more sad. I so hope he will asks to see me today. I want him to take this last chance…

But if he doesn’t, I’ll erase his phone number from my phone and erase his memory from my mind.

That’s it.

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 7:35am
971: Sun Goddess says:

I wonder how late this guy eats lunch. I haven’t heard from him to confirm plans yet today. Maybe he is still sleeping. I already cleaned the front part of my house. I am feeling lazy now.

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 7:41am
972: Siren Angel says:

Memulo @965, thank you.

Your guy seems happy to be back and excited to see you again! Yeah!!!

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 7:43am
973: Lizka says:

Maybe I could get ready with a few feeling messages for when he calls… I need a little list of them for different situation. For example if he just texts and say hi, if he says he can’t see me, if he says he CAN see me, if he asks how my weekend was, if he asks what I am doing today… Most likely he will just call and say nothing… or he won’t call at all… that’s what he use to do. And I have a feeling everything is exactly like right before our break up last summer…

That’s sad because I didn’t do anything to bring it there this time. I only said no to see him last Sunday… That’s really when the shift happened… Ah I’m crying thinking of this. Everything was 10 times better before I said no.

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 7:49am
974: Siren Angel says:

Lizka @968,

Have you tried to tell him that: ‘you want frequent contact, ie at least 3 times a week’ ? As Rori suggests. She says if there is less than 3x week contact, then it’s not a relationship.

This could be stating a boundary to see if he steps up or not.

Also, his mom being sick could be a reason why right now may not be the perfect timing for him. He may be hesitant as per his mom’s situation and may be ‘emotionnally’ overwhelmed already.

I would give him a break, but continue CDing, practicing, in the mean time.

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 7:51am
975: Siren Angel says:

Lizka @971,

You are overfunctonning right now.

Get 3 FMs ready, really simple one:

- I feel so happy to hear your voice.
- Yes, I would feel really happy to see you today.
- Ok, I feel dissapointed, but I understand.

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 7:55am
976: Sunshine says:

I feel good today I love sundays! Its a day that I can really relax…Im gonna take it easy but still do some hwork etc., and Im gonna listen to commitment blueprint

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 7:58am
977: Lizka says:

SA it’s not about his mom. he is texting me every day except Thursday, Friday and Saturday for the second week now. He is just with friends and cares about me only when he is bored at home.

Yes he does contact me more than 3 times a week. But 3 very quick texts and this is not enough for me. And in the last week, the quality of the texts just went down. I felt him pulling away. I feel awful thinking of this.

And whatever I tell him, he says yes yes and he doesn’t do it. I told him last week that I didn’t wanted to be the the Sunday girl and that I wanted to be called during the weekend days. He said yes yes this weekend I was with my friend who wasn’t feeling good. He said “you think I take you as a bouche-trou??” I said sometimes I feel like that and he was very nice and said that’s not the case, but he makes me feel like that again, only 3 days after we had this discussion.

I think it’s useless. Whatever I’m gonna say or do, he is not gonna be like before. And I just can’t handle suffering for that anymore. It’s getting too painful. I want to live my life and not bother about him. I want to be happy so badely and it seems like he is pushing me away from happiness.

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 8:00am
978: Siren Angel says:

Article on Fear:

http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-4085/Embrace-the-Uneasiness-of-Fear.html

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 8:11am
979: Lizka says:

I want to yell at him “why did you came back in my life?! I was feeling so good and I was just healing from the break up and you came back after I do all this work on me and I am getting stronger and you just do it again to me and don’t even notice how much I have change. You just do the same exact thing and don’t even consider that I have change. I hate you for hurthing me. I hate you. Why did you come back? I was getting happy before you came back. I hate you.”

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 8:12am
980: Siren Angel says:

Lizka,

I would have a heart-to-heart with him.

Write everything down.

Tell him you feel ‘je me sens garder a bout de bras et ca me rend triste’ ‘je veux sentir mon coeur ouvert a toi si nous sommes ensembles’ ‘je sais que tu as de la pression en ce moment, et je ne veux pas en rajouter, mais je veux une relation qui es dans ma vie’ ‘je me sentirais si heureuse si cette relation peut continuer, mais qu’on se voit au moins 2 a 3 fois semaine. Qu,en penses tu?’

Only if the moment is right.

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 8:15am
981: Siren Angel says:

Lizka,

You need to feel that feeling, do the down on your knee tool, you don’t hate him, get into your real feelings and cry so you can really get to the bottom of what you really feel and change your vibe before he calls you.

What you wrote is blamey, please don’t use that. Write it here but don’t tell him that.

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 8:17am
982: Siren Angel says:

Lizka,

You can call me if you want, I can review some FMs with you.

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 8:28am
983: Sunshine says:

Lizka..Rori says to write on one side of a paper whatever you feel like saying (like you did here on the blog) just let it all out and blame yell whatever on teh left hand side of the paper. Then, read it to yourself and on the right hand side rewrite it with feeling messages and no “you” or anything towards him….I also want to add that making it short, and clear is always best with men. I try to summarize to myself in three sentences you can start off with: I feel angry and confused.

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 8:29am
984: Sun Goddess says:

I thought POF guy was canceling on me, but he didn’t. I was feeling relieved when I thought he was canceling. I am so scared I haven’t been on a real date in like three years. Ahhhh!

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 8:39am
985: Lizka says:

SA

Don’t worry I’m not going to tell him that. It was just to vent a little. it did help…

I’m afraid of a heart to heart conversation because I think he doesn’t care and I don’t want to be rejected. I tried already to talk to him and however I do it, he closes up and say nothing or say he has something else to do. He doesn’t like to talk. It’s like there is NOTHING I can do. I feel so exhausted

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 8:41am
986: Dominique says:

Lizka – I feel bad seeing you tearing yourself to pieces over him. The changes you are making are for you, and it doesn’t matter whether he notices them or not aside from it making you feel bad.

A good man WILL take not and WILL step up. But it’s not necessarily that he’s not a good man, just not the right man for you likely.

You are right to step away and just take care of you and your wants/needs/passions. To find that sweet spot within yourself where it always feels good no matter what a man is or is not doing.

Je crois que tu doies laisser tomber ce type. Tu le sais déjà n’est ce pas?

xxoo

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 8:58am
987: Lizka says:

Thank you Sunshine, I will do that.

SA – I will call you a little later, I want to go run soon and if I call you I’m gonna want to smoke

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 9:00am
988: Lizka says:

Dominique

Oui je sais, but it’s so hard… I so wish he liked me

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 9:03am
989: Memulo says:

Here we go, SmartCD texted me an hour ago when the oscars is. I replied that it starts at 8pm. Silence so far.. If no plan till 3 or 4, I am watching it with my friends. LOL!

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 9:14am
990: Dominique says:

Oui je comprends Lizka mais je te jure que ça va se passer. Le plus que tu prends soin de toi, le plus vite tu va te sentir mieux. Sois douce avec toi. Sois gentille.

bisous

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 9:17am
991: Sun Goddess says:

LP asked me to go to lunch and the mall and I had to turn him down because I have this date which I am beginning to panic over. I lied to him and said I was eating with a friend and then he asked who and I just said one of my girl friends names so he would stop questioning. I failed as a Siren.

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 9:24am
992: Brenda says:

T-Girl,

RE: #964 – I know, and there were several nice people at the singles meetup I went to. I am definitely in need of healing in that area.

I hate dating, I hate singles groups, and I just want to be a wife and a mother. So I slide my frustration onto those things that have let me down in the past.

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 9:25am
993: Memulo says:

SG,

Why is it that you ‘failed’?

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 9:27am
994: Sun Goddess says:

Because I didn’t have the heart to tell him I was going with another man and I think Rori would tell me to go ahead and give a speech about it.

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 9:28am
995: Memulo says:

It’s a stressful situation and a scary speech SG. I don’t blame you

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 9:29am
996: Sun Goddess says:

I tried yesterday to imply that I would be seeing other people but I could saying it clearly enough. I know he will be upset.

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 9:30am
997: Lizka says:

I need to focus really hard not to call him now and ask him to come over to talk. Arrggggggg

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 9:32am
998: Memulo says:

Lizka,

Do you see that calling/texting/asking does not work? If they want you, they find you. If they don’t, you end up humiliating yourself and getting a rejection. To me there is no other reason not to initiate.

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 9:38am
999: Sun Goddess says:

I added neighbor lady but she can’t view my entire profile. I feel good about adding her now that I did. I feel less threatened by her seeing her page now. That and now LP is going to have to work to get me.

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 9:43am
1000: Starbright says:

Unfortunately there is.not a genie’s lamp to rub and have three wishes!

I am feeling a bit sorry for myself for having to do no contact with my unavailable guy. It has been ten days so far and it feels hard to not contact him yet I feel unhappy for the most part witt him. And who wouldn’t with receiving such crumbs! I have allowed it to go on for too long. I just need to keep walking through it and change my vibe.

I was just wondering why I couldn’t have met my forever guy in college-many years ago now. I feel like it has always been about my vibe and insecurities…will I be strong and.vulnerable now to change things around? That is the only way if I am willing. I feel scared. I was haninging on to my unavailable guy…but more often than not he was not there. I will be fine.

Today I have a plant to go to a meetup singles Oscar party. I want to make the most of it. It is another chance to mingle and meet. Take the chance…change my vibe. Listen to some Abraham and do some Zumba and later go to the party and meet a group of new people.

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 9:43am
1001: Sun Goddess says:

LP is livid that I add his neighbor lady per her request. He wants me to delete her. I got upset with the way he was talking to me and I said I have to go I have to go on a date.

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 9:56am
1002: Sun Goddess says:

Errr, I’m so frustrated with myself. Am I ever going to get this right?

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 9:57am
1003: Memulo says:

yes SG, I find that 2nd or 3rd time when you try it you get it much better. it’s not as scary and you feel much more confident.

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 10:04am
1004: Lizka says:

My list of things to do today to not focus on him :

Go running my 8.5K

Go buy some fashion magazines and make a list of the things I want to buy for spring

Read a short article out loud in Russian to practice pronounciation and reading fast

Drink tea

Read

Walk with my dog

Cook a healthy dinner & lunch for tomorrow

Iron my clothes for tomorrow

Have a feet treatment while watching… the Oscars if there’s no good TV show (I’m not too much into Oscars)

Fold my clothes

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 10:05am
1005: Lizka says:

Making this list helps me to feel a little calmer.

Lol, lists always felt safe for me. I remember since I was a little girl I was making lists for everything. Lists of friends I was going to invite for my birthday party, list of places I want to visit in the world, list of clothes/cosmetics I want to buy, lists of things to do, lists of companies I want to send my resumé to, lists of gifts for my friends/family… I even have made lists of people I would invite to my wedding.

So spamming the blog with my lists always make me feel safe and like I can relate to something. Thank you for giving me this space for that.

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 10:08am
1006: Lizka says:

Like I will stick to this list and nothing bad can happen to me. I think I’ll need a list for every day of the week.

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 10:14am
1007: Sun Goddess says:

He just ordered me to delete her! I told him he can’t talk to me like that. I feel good to stand up for myself.

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 10:19am
1008: Memulo says:

SG, why is he so concerned about you deleting her?

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 10:20am
1009: Brenda says:

SG,

Whoah!

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 10:24am
1010: Sun Goddess says:

I was searching her page trying to find out if he was hiding something from me, but it appears not. He knows I hate her though.

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 10:31am
1011: Sun Goddess says:

Ok Sirens wish me luck I am walking out the door now to go meet POF guy! This feels so weird to me. I almost feel like I am doing something wrong.

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 10:40am
1012: Memulo says:

Ok, my time to vent.

How is it if he is so eager to see me he never answers my question if he wants to watch the Oscars together tonight, just asks what time it is? There is no plan either to meet or not to meet. I don’t want to assume anything, I want to know!

I was really looking fwd to spending the evening together, but now I feel angry and disappointed.

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 10:42am
1013: Memulo says:

SG, it’s just lunch. Relax

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 10:43am
1014: Jilly says:

Whoah..I’m feeling truly sireny in the fact that I slept in soo late and am just now having my morning yummy coffee (definitely NOT crunchy

yay..I love me!!

Rugby Man texted “good morning baby ” awww …i love that…

Sun Goddess…look at all these baby steps you are taking!! I hear you saying it feels exciting and uncomfortable and scary…wow…that’s how living life feels..all these amazing feelings!!

BW…Tuscan meatballs…yum!!

Memulo..you sound so grounded and stable yet soft and warm too

Lizka…enjoy your run!! I love lists too

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 10:44am
1015: Jilly says:

Sun Goddess…have fun!! just remember to relax and enjoy yourself

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 10:45am
1016: Memulo says:

Yay Jilly,

You are bringing some sunshine here as always

Do you agree that say 3pm should be my cut off time and afterward I just nicely say that I didn’t realize he wanted to get together tonight, so I accepted friends’ invite?

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 10:49am
1017: Jilly says:

Starbright (((hugs)))…your plan for today feels great…lot’s of vibe lifting activities..listening to Abraham always helps me..and Zumba feels so FUN and sireny

good job on leaning back..10 days no contact can feel like a super long time!

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 10:51am
1018: Silver Moonbeam says:

#731 Peaches

WOW OH WOW OH WOW!!

I downloaded the book The Healing Codes from Amazon this afternoon and have been reading it for the past 2-3 hours, I cannot stop!! I haven’t got to the codes bit yet but I am excited to keep reading until I find it/them. Thank you so much for sharing this with us.

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 10:55am
1019: Jilly says:

awww…thanks Memulo..I feel happy and smiley hearing that

Honestly I am not a fan of planning out my boundaries…I like to feel it “in the moment” so to speak. The only boundaries I stick to 99% of the time is no initiating…

If I were you…I would stick to the plan of watching the oscars with friends…but in the meantime I would really get into my body for the rest of the day…getting to a feeling place of sexy, sireny, mysterious, beautiful, warm, soft, and authentic…

THEN…when he contacts you…you will be in a great place to make a choice..the BEST choice for you…and no rules…just going with what feels good to you…you can’t go wrong with this..

what do you think?

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 10:58am
1020: Jilly says:

Silver Moonbeam…you make me want to purchase it just based on your enthusiasm lol…and I also know we have similar tastes with Abraham and TUT…hmmm…maybe that’s what I’ll do today…

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 11:02am
1021: Memulo says:

Thank you Jilly, it’s such an amazing advice.

Yes, I stick very firmly to no initiating as well. It feels really good, doesn’t it. It gives you so much power and selfrespect.

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 11:08am
1022: Jilly says:

Thank you Memulo

yes!! It really does feel amazing to just know that you don’t initiate and then you feel so much self love..(power and self respect) this has totally changed my life

and I totally agree with what you said in post 998…

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 11:17am
1023: Brenda says:

Jilly,

RE: #1014 – I had my crunchy coffee (ie, strong) and then put the rest in the frig to have tomorrow as iced coffee.

And SLV, Sweetie and I had cereal for breakfast.

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 11:22am
1024: Jilly says:

Brenda darling …perhaps mine was crunchy then lol…cause I am feeling goooood!!

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 11:26am
1025: FlowerChild77 says:

BW..which one do you mean?

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 11:37am
1026: Silver Moonbeam says:

#1020 Jilly

It’s all about quantum physics (which I have read about before) and cell memory and how you can heal yourself to solve every problem in your life, emotional and physical, Peaches suggested it to me over on the FB group because of my sister and her depression, but I thought I should check it out myself it has over 300 five star reviews on Amazon USA and I am eagerly anticipating reading “the code.”

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 11:43am
1027: Brenda says:

Jilly,

LOL! I am too!

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 11:52am
1028: Jilly says:

Silver Moonbeam…who is the author? I checked over on Amazon and saw there might be a few Healing Codes?..

Brenda..

FC77…I LOVE both of those books you said you were checking out..by Marianne Williamson

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 12:00pm
1029: Silver Moonbeam says:

Alex Loyd and Ben Johnson.

I have the Marianne Williamson DVD and will get to watch it real soon when my stuff turns up from Oz next week.

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 12:07pm
1030: Sensual says:

Hi I have a question….I’m still doing my 1 month experiment of sticking closely to all rori siren methods and I’m enjoying it! I have 2 new CDs who I really like, I’ve seen them 3 times each this last week!…….but this evening I go overseas with work for 8 days. I arrive back at midnight on Monday 5th. I don’t want them to lose interest or to think I’m disinterested if I don’t contact them. I’ve told them verbally when I get back but hey, they are very new CDs and people forget. Does it feel appropriate for me to “check-in” with a cute text or email mid-week from abroad or perhaps for me to contact them on my return to let them know I’m back……since I’m the one that’s away……..hopefully they still contact me but they may feel hesitant since I’m overseas …..what do you all think on this one?

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 12:21pm
1031: FlowerChild77 says:

The more I read of ‘A Course in Weight Loss’ program, the more I know I need to really do this—-for my SOUL. What happens to my body will be a bonus. (It’s hard to read because I’m one of those people that likes to underline and highlight things that really speak to me–but it’s a library book.) :-p

It’s just what I need in my life right now, though. A gift. I am feeling SO blessed lately.

In fact, guy-i’m-with is supposed to come over later on and I’m not even excited about it. I’d almost rather be alone. I’d better work on some FMs so I don’t say the wrong thing. I’m feeling so unfulfilled with him that I might blurt out something that makes him mad. Grrr…..I’m SO into my own life that I don’t really have enough extra energy to deal with him right now.

Ugh…I feel guilty.

My favorite quote from the book, so far: “As you claim the totality of who you really are, who you aren’t will simply melt away.” (p.34)

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 12:26pm
1032: Starbright says:

1017: Jilly

Thanks so much for seeing me here on the blog, your kind words and your hugs too! Just taking it one step at a time – day by day…looking for upbeat things to get my vibe up!

Zumba did feel really good! Now for some lunch, Abraham, a little brainstorming for work and then off to the Oscar Party!

Also, it was exciting to see your missing POF guy reappeared! I hope to hear more good things happening there!

xoxoxo,

Starbright

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 12:37pm
1033: Siren Angel says:

I feel so sad… I had to turn down a last minute invite from M to go skiing with him and kiddies, because my mom was coming over…!

What do you think Sirens?

text 1:
M: Hey, we’re getting ready to go to Mt X… in case you’re interested too.
Me: That feels lovely, so beautiful outside today. We are about to have lunch… will let you know after?
Me: Thank you for last night, I felt so happy.

Text 2;
Me: Hi, my mom is coming over, she hasn’t seen ‘kid’ in a while… I feel dissapointed. But next time, we would love to go with you.
M: Last night was nice… have fun with your mom.

NOW, this is when I started panicking that he felt discouraged making efforts and being turned down!!! I know it’s ridiculous.

Text 3:
Me: Thank you. Sorry for today, she had told me she wanted to see ‘kid’, but didnt know what time today…. Have fun skiing.

WHAT DO YOU THINK SIRENS? Did I overdo???

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 12:40pm
1034: Memulo says:

Ohh I don’t know what to do.. Was feeling pretty abandoned since 11am communication and no clue on whether he wanted to get together or not and suddenly got the text: Dinner before? Watch at my place or yours? record parts we miss? Carry in?

What does he want from me

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 12:40pm
1035: Siren Angel says:

Memulo,

It sounds like he wants to see you and make you happy.

Why don’t you just answer what you want by saying ‘such and such (dinner at your place for ex) would feel nice. ?

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 12:42pm
1036: Memulo says:

SA,

All good, but time to stop at that now. You were very nice and I’m sure he left just disappointed enough to miss you:)

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 12:42pm
1037: Siren Angel says:

Memulo,

If you want to see all the Oscars, why don’t you say:

‘carry in would feel nice, I really love to watch the oscars and it would feel so good to watch it with you. I don’t want to miss any of the excitement’ ?

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 12:44pm
1038: Memulo says:

SA,

Thank you.. I just don’t know how to communicate that I prefer to make plans in advance. I feel unimportant and taken for granted when we don’t. You realize that since yesterday when I asked this question, till almost 4pm today I had no idea what’s going on?

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 12:46pm
1039: Siren Angel says:

Memulo,

This is something you need to address in FMs in PERSON, when the moment is right. Next time he suggests a plan IN PERSON, you could say something like ‘It would feel so nice if you could let me know in advance the details, I don’t like it when it’s at the last minute, it makes me feel ‘disorganized/unsure what’s going on/jittery’ whatever it is you feel (non blamey).

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 12:48pm
1040: Memulo says:

Btw, SA,

I would have stopped your conversation at him sending the last message. Perhaps something you could practice for the future? He sounds like he understands your circumstances, regrets you’re not coming and misses you – a perfect situation, you don’t need to fix anything

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 12:50pm
1041: Siren Angel says:

Thanks Memulo,

I still feel like leaning forward and like it’s not enough. I know this is part of me, that I don’t like to let people down… I was hoping he would answer last text so he would have the last word

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 12:53pm
1042: Memulo says:

SA,

I feel scared that things will get worse if I accept his invite..

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 12:53pm
1043: Jilly says:

Memulo..what if ….

you believed that you couldn’t make a “wrong” choice about this?

He obviously wants to see you..it seems like he is just being him..acting like his normal self..

so you get to choose…there are so many feelings here…what does your Siren self say?

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 12:53pm
1044: Memulo says:

SA,

I used to think the same way, but in my case I wouldn’t give all the information with the expectation that I will say more when a person gets back to me. This created so many misunderstandings that I had to stop. Now I say all I want to say and take a response for what it is, just a feedback and I don’t reply unless there is a specific question asked.

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 12:56pm
1045: Siren Angel says:

Memulo,

Do you feel like you really want to see him tonight?

Do you feel like this is something (last minute plans) you can address in FMs and that he will step up in the future?

Are you considering not seeing him as a game? (I’m really not the best at this…)

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 12:56pm
1046: Jilly says:

Siren Angel…it’s OK if he feels disappointed

…no need to reassure or apologize

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 12:58pm
1047: Memulo says:

Jilly,

Thank you I feel like not responding for at least an hour and then answer his questions. And perhaps address this in person, but it won’t have much weight since I am NOT ACTING on this, just talking..

Such a shame because I woke up with a smile on my face to finally see him and then felt so discouraged and forgotten..

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 1:01pm
1048: Lizka says:

ATW is still not calling. I guess I’m not gonna see him tonight… And he’s gonna have lose his chance…

Lizka HOLD SOMETHING!!! Do not contact him!!!!

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 1:02pm
1049: sensual says:

SA – it’s perfectly understandable if you’re mum is visiting and you can’t accept a last second invitation…please no need to worry or do anything more on this one xxx

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 1:03pm
1050: Jilly says:

Lizka…you ARE a siren..you can do this!!

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 1:04pm
1051: Memulo says:

SA,

This is not exactly a last minute plan. He left me a VM on Friday that he wants to see me and he is free on Sun, Mon, Tue and Wed. Then he texted with the same info. He did let me know last night when he arrived back from vacation and said he was looking fwd to seeing me. Just my suggestion for tonight was discussed, but not answered.

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 1:05pm
1052: Memulo says:

Lizka,

Be strong!! How does it feel to honor your pride?

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 1:08pm
1053: Siren Angel says:

Jilly and Sensual,

Do you thinkl my texts were ok? Text 1 and 2 were 1 hour apart… I wasnt sure my mom was coming or at what time so I didnt mention it at 12:40 when he first texted…

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 1:09pm
1054: Silver Moonbeam says:

I am soooo freaking afraid of what is going to come up in my cellular memories that I have stopped reading the online book, I don’t want to confront my abuse issues at the moment so am watching my nice, safe soapie.

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 1:10pm
1055: Memulo says:

SA,

No, did not consider it as a game.. more like I felt upset and agreed with myself that tonight is not happening.

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 1:11pm
1056: Siren Angel says:

Lizka,

DO NOT call him or text!!! PLEASE!!!

You will regret it the moment you hit ‘send’ I promise…

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 1:11pm
1057: Memulo says:

SA,

You are not exactly asking me, but I think that your texts are so very nice, your FM’s are really speaking volumes and you don’t need to be concerned if he feels disappointed because it is a healthy disappointment, who wouldn’t be not to spend time with you??

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 1:14pm
1058: Siren Angel says:

Memulo,

Sorry I asked about games because I believe it is you who brought up the ‘rules’ book. I don’t believe in rules unless they are about you and you only.

As your situation with SmartCD is so new, I would give him a chance and express my feelings in person in regards to last minute confirmation of plans. Is it possible he is still wary of his ex taking the boy or not at last minute and simply afraid to dissapoint you with a last minute cancellation? I would bring up the subject in a calm, safe conversation where he can express himself by you asking at the end of your FM ‘what do you think?’

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 1:15pm
1059: Jilly says:

Memulo…k great sounds like you plan to see him

I would encourage you to let go of ANY outcome and just experience being with him…surrender…you know you will not abandon yourself right? you got this!!

you will then know if/when it feels right to say something..to express your feelings…

I wouldn’t go with the “plan” of what you are going to say or that for sure you are going to say something…

other than the basics if need be…I feel happy to see you…I feel sad..I feel bad waiting for a response…I want to know more in advance..it feels good when there is a plan..

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 1:15pm
1060: Siren Angel says:

Memulo,

thanks. I don’t think I have turned him down in months actually… I guess it’s scary.

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 1:16pm
1061: sensual says:

SA – yes, i think they were perfectly fine.. at first i thought that maybe you were too apologetic and explainy since it was all last minute anyway and there’s no need to say sorry….but now that you mention that they were an hour apart before u declined…it feels appropriate that you explained about your mum only just letting you know what time she was coming. so all good i feel. just lean back and ask him how skiing was next time you hear from him

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 1:17pm
1062: Jilly says:

Silver Moonbeam..(((hugs))) you are too cute…no need to worry…the universe will take care of you

Siren Angel… your texts #1 and #2 felt warm open and authentic that’s what matters

Sensual..no..these CD’s do not need a reminder you are being your Sireny self doing your thing..feels very intriguing….let them wonder about you

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 1:24pm
1063: Jilly says:

FC77…I think it’s amazing that you are so into your life right now..no need to feel guilty I would smile and feel all warm and snuggly inside and think..WOW..my life feels great and I am loving how focused I feel…(insert your own words obviously)

Starbright..thank you! we’ll see what happens with POF guy…its funny because it’s been about 5 weeks since I heard from him last and I kept thinking at random times “he wants to contact me” so I erased his number so I would “accidentally” lean forward lol…and sure enough..he contacted it was very last minute and I didn’t feel good about accepting…perhaps another day

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 1:33pm
1064: Brenda says:

I want to be pregnant SO BAD!!!!

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 1:37pm
1065: Lizka says:

I did not call him. I feel very proud.

I just went to do my workout and than made myself a smootie and the urgency went away.

I wish I could do that every time I feel like leaning forward…

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 1:38pm
1066: Memulo says:

SA and Jilly,

Thank you for all your help He called since I didn’t respond to his text within half hour (lol, men are so predictable) and I feel much better as you can probably tell.

He asked what kind of food I want him to order and when is the best time to come over for me, and whether I want to go out to eat instead and if I got his text-)

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 1:38pm
1067: Brenda says:

To realize how broken you are is to realize how much you need GOD!

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 1:38pm
1068: Brenda says:

I want to live raw, free, and natural in the jungle with Tarzan!

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 1:40pm
1069: Butterfly wings says:

1025 FC77 – which of my posts are you referring to? I’ve lost track!

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 1:42pm
1070: Memulo says:

SA,

‘I don’t think I have turned him down in months actually…’

Then he just needs to experience it to appreciate how good you are to him

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 1:43pm
1071: Memulo says:

Lizka,

I always say to myself in these situations: yes, I do feel upset because I have feelings and I have a heart, but now that i know, it is in my power not to let the person put me in this situation again.

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 1:46pm
1072: FlowerChild77 says:

SMB I have not read the ‘Health Codes’ yet, but I’ve heard a lot about it. I believe the author is a D.O. (osteopathic physician.) My doctor is also. I’ll have to put this on my “list.”

I know what you mean about not feeling “ready for” dealing with certain things. It’s how I’d been feeling about my eating issues until this week.

I just couldn’t face that my favorite way to ‘comfort’ myself is with food—and then, not always healthy food. I’m so attached to to it and it feels scary to be digging up all the feelings and fears underneath the eating. I mean I’ve had this eating problem since I was a child. It was one of the first ways I found to ‘self-sooth’ in my critical, verbally abusive family.

She talks about ‘thin you’ and ‘not thin you’ and how we have to love ‘not thin us’ before we can begin to heal. It’s exactly like Rori talks about loving our dark parts. (I think that’s how I know I’m on the right track—because everything I’m working with has the same basic ideas and truths.)

You’ll know when you’re ready. <3 TV and movies are also one of my 'escapes' but, I think, far healthier than my love affair with food.

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 1:50pm
1073: Brenda says:

Ok, SLV, I have decided to name my Sweetie “Tarzan”, ok? And he is a gentle lover.

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 1:51pm
1074: Jilly says:

Memulo…yay!!! wahoo!!

Lizka…success!! you stood by (with) yourself here..do you see that? you made room for more self love which is the #1 thing that will bring us our happy ever after

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 1:56pm
1075: Butterfly wings says:

I set a very strong boundary with TH last night. I basically told him that “I will never be ok with blah blah blah. Ever.” I Also said that if he wants somebody that’s ok with that then maybe we’re not compatible.

I won’t go into detail about this boundary because I feel quite sensitive about it.

Anyway. I went to sleep and he came in at 2.30am, pulled me close and wrapped his arms around me!

Good boy!!

I think his two days of silence was partly due to him knowing he’d really hurt me and he needed time to process.

He has today off and I’m going out to dinner with a friend tonight so probably good we have space.

So happy I stood firm with my boundary. I feel good. And I feel more cared for too.

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 1:57pm
1076: Lizka says:

Thank you Memulo! I’m off to he pastry store to buy myself a little dessert because I deserve it

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 1:59pm
1077: Sun Goddess says:

I’m back and it went pretty well. He asked me for a second date at the end so I guess that is a good thing. I need to name my new CD. I think I’ll name him Army Nurse or AN for short.

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 2:12pm
1078: Silver-Tongued Siren says:

“>>I also know that Rori talks about sitting in the car with her husband and she felt all tensed up and then she let herself relax and as soon as her “vibe” switched…her husband reached out to her…(something like that) 897
n
_____
Something that worked for me is the “look out the window” tool. (maybe harder if you’re driving Recently I was with BF driving, and he seemed very absorbed, not paying any attention to me and I LIKE when he puts his hand on my leg as he drives. .. I just started shifting my energy, focusing on ANYthing but him. MY hand on my leg. Looking out the window. Eventually he noticed, and he started looking over at me (saw his reflection in window), looking to see what I was looking at,… looking at my expression.. leaning in toward me slightly, his energy shifted, he put his hand on mine.. etc. yessss felt so good.

907 jilly –
trust your boundaries
follow your feelings
choose your words
be surprised

Yes! I read this before and really liked it, thanks for posting it again!

924 Butterfly Wings –
“SG, it’s time to make yourself less available and increase your degree of difficulty. So if every time he calls, you’ve been out doing things with different people (not always male), then he’s going to worry that you’re going to leave him behind.
If he then steps up (which he most likely will because he’s been thinking you’re at home waiting for him until now!) then you can decide if you want him to move back in or not.
It’s a very powerful place to be!”>>>

That sounds like exactly the advice I’ve been giving myself – I just need to find a way to do it. (with having baby..)

964 – siren angel
- I feel far from you in this moment
- I feel I want to enjoy every moment with you fully. What do you think?
NOT:
- I feel you are far
- I feel you are ignoring me, or even I feel ignored>>>>

I like these suggestions..much better than “I feel ignored”..

“Have you tried to tell him that: ‘you want frequent contact, ie at least 3 times a week’ ? As Rori suggests. She says if there is less than 3x week contact, then it’s not a relationship.”….”"”"”

I wish I could do this with BF, but I HAVE mentioned that I don’t feel good not hearing from him for so long throughout the week, etc. – he has mentioned that I could call HIM, – and I will WHEN he is contacting me a lot more – when he has, I have called occasionally. But he still doesn’t – and he is an Aries. Aries seem to hate using the phone unless its to make plans – but … I wish he’d call me. I wish we would talk about something really interesting .. not just everyday stuff, baby, work, plans, etc.

And.. I don’t fee comfortable bringing it up again since I’ve mentioned it before. And it’s not like he couldn’t chat me or send an email… gosh. He even says he doesn’t always have things to do while he’s at work.

MILW on the other hand contacts me a lot. I love that.

1005- lol lizka – lists – me too!

999 – about adding neighborlady! I am glad you feel better about it.

1001, 1007 Sun Goddess-

yes stand up for yourself. Remember to pay attention to how YOU FEEL.
It makes me feel strange that he wants you to delete her. I feel suspicious (like he’s hiding something – like he’s afraid you’ll find out something he doesn’t want you to know ).. or.. he’s worried that you two will get to know each other and then he’ll lose whichever one of you,… or.. who knows what but I feel yucky and suspicious that he is ordering you (angry, =afraid) … to delete her.

1019 Jilly –
“but in the meantime I would really get into my body for the rest of the day…getting to a feeling place of sexy, sireny, mysterious, beautiful, warm, soft, and authentic…
THEN…when he contacts you…you will be in a great place to make a choice..the BEST choice for you…and no rules…just going with what feels good to you…you can’t go wrong with this>>>>

YESSS I need this reminder EVERY day!!

LIZ – turning on the sexual goddess, I was referring to something Feminine Woman posted earlier, .. about just feeling confident imagining how you could make him drop to his knees with the best sexual affection ever, ..
This is unrelated to me slowing down, I just was thinking about how I intend to remember to turn this on.. and that made me think about how I would feel more attractive. Which made me think how unattractive I feel when I am moving too quickly, abruptly, like I was yesterday. I get nervous and anxious and just move move move to get things done and not feel the anxious feeling. Or I just move abruptly normally, or speak abruptly, instead of slowing my words, dropping my tone a little lower, speaking from the heart.

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 2:18pm
1079: Butterfly wings says:

STS – it must be so hard for you. I know you love baby but I totally get the feeling of being “trapped” sometimes.

As baby gets older this will get easier.

xx

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 2:24pm
1080: Sun Goddess says:

Yes, STS I felt suspicious until I searched around on her page and found nothing. He wants to move when his lease is up next month and I truly believe that he wants all ties to her to diminish then and me befriending her defeats that purpose.

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 2:26pm
1081: Lizka says:

So ATW texted me. But didn’t call. And didn’t asked to see me.

He just wrote “Hiya [???], Still in XX city, how are you?”

I don’t know what to answer… Or if I SHOULD answer? (Since I said I’m walking away if he doesn’t want to see me tonight…)

Maybe “I’m feeling good. I did a lot of things today. Feeling productive. And you?”

Or add [about being still in XX city] “I feel a little disappointed. I hoped we could spent some times together. 2 weeks feels so long.”

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 2:27pm
1082: Jilly says:

I’m totally procrastinating I love that about me

BW..I love that about you laying down a boundary then he pulled you close last night…YUM!!! makes me feel melty just reading that

Sun Goddess…how did the date feel for you? Did you like it?

STS…you are doing so well with all of this

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 2:47pm
1083: Jilly says:

Lizka…unzipper your heart and stay open and receptive…

I think that when you make choices to cut off all contact unless he does such and such ..are more about control than honoring your feelings.

But if you feel like that is really what you need to do to move on then that’s different

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 2:50pm
1084: Femininewoman says:

SG I feel so proud of you right now. The more dates you go on the more you will build your self confidence.

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 2:51pm
1085: Lizka says:

We are exchanging texts but haven’t invite me for today and haven’t mention anything like seeing me…

Should I tell him I feel disappointed or not?? Is this gonna put pressure on him?

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 2:51pm
1086: Sun Goddess says:

Jilly,

I felt smiley the whole time. But, I would say something and then go….oh did I just say that (in my head). I still wish LP would step up and be the one but now I have a distraction….a back up plan I suppose.

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 2:55pm
1087: Jilly says:

I wouldn’t say you feel disappointed…thats just me though…

you want him to be inspired to ask you out..

expressing you feel disappointed will not inspire him…

not at this point

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 2:55pm
1088: Sun Goddess says:

Thanks FW, I was definitely out of my comfort zone but I know now that I needed that. He told me that I was more beautiful than I am in my pictures. How sweet!

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 2:57pm
1089: Butterfly wings says:

Awww SG he sounds lovely!

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 2:59pm
1090: Femininewoman says:

The complements can boost our self esteem. We get to see our nervousness and anxiety and what we do when we are. We also get to practice the tools, opening the heart, dropping the thoughts to the pelvis and communicating with a warm open vibe. Was there anything different or in particular you noticed about yourself SG?

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 2:59pm
1091: Siren Angel says:

Lizka,

Unzipper your heart, be warm and inviting, but DO NOT suggest plans.

Maybe just;
I feel far from you in this moment. (Could just be because he is in X city)

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 3:00pm
1092: Jilly says:

SG..yay!!! yes..this is so awesome for you…and maybe you could think of it as helping LP step up..in a round about sort of way..if that helps you feel better…

instead of thinking that you are doing this because LP isn’t stepping up…do you see the difference?

this is all about YOU taking care of you

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 3:00pm
1093: Lizka says:

I wrote “I feel a little disappointed. I was hoping we could spend some time together. 2 weeks feels so long!”

And he just answered “Long indeed. See you soon than ”

Ok this guy has some magic power to make me wait and wait and wait.

I wanted to kick him out of my life and now he’s sayin “no wait, we’ll spend time soon”. Seriously?!

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 3:03pm
1094: Lizka says:

Jilly –

I know it’s seems like manipulating and controlling but it’s not. I am not TELLING him I am going to walk away. I just made this agreement with my heart because I begin to think more and more that he is toxic for me…

Or maybe he’s a good practice…

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 3:05pm
1095: Sun Goddess says:

I have learned from being here to say thank you to compliments but after a while I feel like that sounds cocky. I also am not a higher because of the way I grew up, so that was awkward for me. Something I need practice. He is filling up my text mailbox. I feel so much better than yesterday and not because of him, but because I know what I deserve and what I will tolerate.

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 3:06pm
1096: Femininewoman says:

SG who is filling your texts?

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 3:12pm
1097: Jilly says:

Lizka

I don’t think you are being manipulating or controlling and I know you are not telling him these things…

I feel unsure how to say it…

I meant it as … it’s a way for you to feel control over your feelings..you have a plan (if he doesn’t contact me then thats it)…but that plan isn’t in alignment with you…you don’t really want to cut off all contact..in order for you to feel better about things with ATW you have to have a plan that’s in alignment with you..a plan that gives you choices and options to be authentic and to follow your heart..that’s where Rori’s teaching of

no initiating
no suggesting
cding
are so helpful…..

feel free to disregard

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 3:23pm
1098: Sun Goddess says:

FW, CD AN is filling up my text mailbox

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 3:25pm
1099: Starbright says:

Lizka,

Aw, sounds tough…Now, taking care of yourself and those lists really sounds like what would be best to put your focus on.

Cding you and every other person you see!

That’s my plan right now! Up my vibe and be open and easy breezy. No leaning forward for me!

xoxoxo,

Starbright

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 3:29pm
1100: FlowerChild77 says:

Lizka…I don’t think you have to decide anything about him. Just keep living your life for you—-and he will either surprise you and step up—or he will fall off of your horse. (After awhile, you’ll be so busy and happy CDing that you’ll lose interest in him and may end up forgetting all about him.)

Rori says that sometimes by the time they ‘come around’ we’re no longer interested.

Is this the guy you said always tells you, “soon” and then you don’t hear from him?

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 3:32pm
1101: Siren Angel says:

(((Lizka)))

The Sirens are all right. Time to focus on lovely YOU. If he steps up, you will then decide if you are interested or not. Just keep CDing and doing things that feel right and good for you.

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 3:36pm
1102: Butterfly wings says:

Lizka, I often find that reducing your expectations helps a lot.

So if you live each day assuming he does not exist unless he’s in front of you. So if by some miracle he steps up, you will be pleasantly surprised!

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 3:41pm
1103: Femininewoman says:

SG he is showing you that a lot of people are waiting for you to shine your light in the world.

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 3:41pm
1104: Sun Goddess says:

1103-

He just asked me if we could see each other again on Wednesday. I accepted.

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 3:44pm
1105: LiliBee says:

Lizka,

I just went on Meetup dot com that BW posted about.
You type in Mtl in the location and click Search.
There are tons of local interest groups on there, from photography to adventure to hiking…name it.
We even have a Abraham Hicks meetup group on Saturday afternoons!

Btw, Thank you for the great idea BW !!!

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 3:46pm
1106: LiliBee says:

So happy for you SG!

It will surely take pressure off of your relationship with LP.
It’s always good to know that there are other interesting men and people out there.

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 3:48pm
1107: Butterfly wings says:

LiliBee, I was surprised at the variety too!

I have also downloaded the Meetup app to my phone so I have all upcoming method on me all the time!

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 3:50pm
1108: Sun Goddess says:

I just don’t know what to say to LP about all of this. I almost broke it off completely with him after he demanded I remove his neighbor lady but I want him to be the one to end things if that is what he wants. I do love him and want so much for us to be better like we used to be.

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 3:52pm
1109: Lizka says:

Oh Jilly I understand. Sorry for confusion.

I don’t know though… I think I’ll have to do a deeper examination of my soul…

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 3:58pm
1110: Butterfly wings says:

SG, why don’t you just sit down and have a talk with him. Tell him what you want and need and that you don’t want to put pressure on him but you don’t want to close yourself to other options either in case he can’t give you what you need.

Tell him that your solution is to continue dating other men while he works out what he wants.

If he wants you badly enough he’ll step up at this point. Or he’ll grumble cos he hates the idea. Or he’ll suddenly feel less pressure.

I suppose from my perspective I’d rather find out now that he’s not going to give me what I want than later.

The outcome is the same – but at least you get it over and done with and can mode on if needed.

I know this is hard – I’ve been through the same thing with TH. Yep we still have our challenges but little by little he’s offering me more.

xxx

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 3:58pm
1111: Femininewoman says:

SG most men don’t walk away from relationships. They hang in there.

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 3:58pm
1112: Femininewoman says:

SG – you can say I don’t want to be spoken to like that.

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 3:59pm
1113: Butterfly wings says:

1107 oops. *meetups!

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 4:00pm
1114: Sun Goddess says:

Oh, lp is so right I care what people think and I care that he is going to be mad at this “new idea” of mine. I’m worried he will lash out.

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 4:03pm
1115: Lizka says:

Starbright -

Yes the list helped a lot. I didn’t do everything from the list but it kept me busy enough and I feel great about what I did. I ran 9K, bought vegetables and fruits for my week, I did my workout, had a delicious smoothie, walked my dog, went to buy my favourite dessert, cooked a shrimps curry for dinner and made a LOT of extras for other days and made myself a fun lunch for tomorrow. I didn’t really had time to think of him since the focus was really on me.

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 4:04pm
1116: Sun Goddess says:

1110-1113- thanks I like it!

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 4:04pm
1117: Femininewoman says:

SG will he physically hurt you?

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 4:05pm
1118: Lizka says:

FC77 -

“Is this the guy you said always tells you, “soon” and then you don’t hear from him?”

Yes it’s him.

I understand I shouldn’t zip my heart to him, but it’s so hard to keep the focus on me when my heart is open

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 4:07pm
1119: Butterfly wings says:

If he is not in front of you he doesn’t exist. That’s what kept me sane with TH in the early days.

Bit hard now though with him living with me!

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 4:09pm
1120: Lizka says:

BW

“So if you live each day assuming he does not exist unless he’s in front of you. ”

But this is the same thing as walking away… except I would be warm and open IN CASE he comes back…

I could do it like that, what do you think? Just in my head pretend I am walking away, and if he comes back and is nice with me, I’m open?

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 4:09pm
1121: Lizka says:

Lili thank you! Will try that…

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 4:11pm
1122: Butterfly wings says:

A man will continue to treat you badly for as long as you give him permission to do so.

Tolerating bad behavior is the same as giving permission.

Having strong boundaries (and sticking to them!!!) is how you break this pattern.

My ex abused me because I gave him no good reason to stop – he knew I’d stick around regardless.

xxx

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 4:12pm
1123: Lizka says:

Thank you SA.

I will try very hard to focus on me in the upcoming days. And I have a date with a new/old guy tomorrow night

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 4:13pm
1124: Butterfly wings says:

Yes Lizka! When he’s in front of you, you are warm and inviting.

But when he’s away from you, he does not exist and you live your life as though you never met him. Make sense?

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 4:14pm
1125: Sun Goddess says:

No, he won’t hurt me. He will be hurt and may get weird about it is what I meant.

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 4:14pm
1126: Lizka says:

BW 1122 -

Well that’s why I want to walk away, I’m bored of him treating me like shit…

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 4:15pm
1127: Butterfly wings says:

SG – if you had the choice of things staying the same with him forever as they are now, or your relationship ending, what would you choose?

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 4:17pm
1128: LiliBee says:

My friend stood me up today, I didn’t hear from her at all. She had said she would call me.

Allthough I did hear from D. He called from work.
He wanted to know how my evening out went.
I told him about the 3 guys.
I want to be totally open and honest, authentic.
I don’t really care for what he thinks about it or any outcome. I just care about being me and not hiding myself.

He’s really bending to do this my way…which is openly talking about everything.
I’m not giving him a choice.
I showed him the door when he was trying to get me drunk and seduce me.
But my phone line is open when he wants to talk.

I told him that all I’m interested in right now is talking with lots of men to get to know them.
I feel blazé about the whole physical seduction theme.
It has gotten me nowhere so far.
I said “I get all wrapped up in the euphoria of physical attraction too fast and the real connection goes out the window. By the time I’m feeling all hormonally attached, I don’t feel the real connection and it’s then difficult to access.
I want to experience real connection before I surrender to physical attraction.”

So he quit trying to convince me and seduce me, and he’s doing his best to talk and get real.
That’s the way to go if he wants to be in the lineup.

He said he was tired of starting over with someone new and “it’s hard on the ego and I don’t feel like starting over with someone new.”
(well he didn’t have a problem with that a month ago)

I told him “I don’t want to feel afraid of being in a relationship anymore, but I still want to protect myself, I still need to feel safe with someone and I don’t with you.”

He said “you’re growing up, and some man will be lucky to have you. Your openmindedness to learn is what keeps me coming back to you.”

I still don’t trust his motives. I felt like the “good for now until I find better” gf for a year.
So I feel mistrustful that he might just want me bc he feels lonely and has no other options.
If he would have gotten that other woman’s phone#, he wouldn’t have hesitated to be with her…and not me.

And so I’ll keep cd’ing and living my life without counting him in it, ok maybe just a cd…the last one on the list though.

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 4:18pm
1129: Femininewoman says:

SG so you allow him to take care of his feelings. You take care of yours.

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 4:18pm
1130: Butterfly wings says:

Lizka, I don’t blame you. He’s not stepping up.

So you can either walk away or put him on the back of your horse. And if he says he will call, expect nothing. Get on with your life as though he never said that. If he wants to talk to you badly enough, he will make the effort.

xx

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 4:19pm
1131: Butterfly wings says:

I love how far you’ve come LiliBee!!!

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 4:21pm
1132: Sun Goddess says:

FW, I will try FW. Tomorrow I have to take care of me because I’m going back to the doctor. I don’t have a choice.

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 4:22pm
1133: Femininewoman says:

LiliBee he knows enough about you to know if he wants to give you the relationship you want. So even if you only talk to him on the phone or if there is no communication at all he knows if he is attracted to you and if he wants to give you what you want. At this point I don’t think you even need to date him for him to decide that. Any dating or courting would be for you to feel safe around him.

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 4:23pm
1134: Femininewoman says:

Everything else pales in light of your health and your feelings. Self love and taking care of oneself is the most important thing.

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 4:26pm
1135: FlowerChild77 says:

I know what you mean, SG. I feel that way about talking to guy-i’m-with. The ring and the asking me to marry him doesn’t mean much when I’m feeling alone and like he’s not interested in being with me unless I hurry up and move there. I totally know how you feel about talking to him.

I don’t mean this a discouragement at all—just that I understand. I’ve got to get myself a script worked out for this also… <3

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 4:30pm
1136: Senior Lady Vibe says:

Watching the red carpet now! Octavia Spencer’s dress is fab! So far there are a lot of champaign beige and nude blush gowns…

Gotta love Tim Gunn.

signing off for SLV, Sweetie, Brenda and Tarzan…

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 4:33pm
1137: Sun Goddess says:

FC-

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 4:36pm
1138: LiliBee says:

1133:

FW, right on!

@”At this point I don’t think you even need to date him for him to decide that. Any dating or courting would be for you to feel safe around him.”

If he’s gonna have the slightest inkling of a chance with me, he will need to be veerry patient, bc it could take a veeerrry long time for me to feel safe with him.
If he really wants me, he’ll stick it out come hell or high water.
If he doesn’t stick it out, and if I don’t ever feel safe with him, well I already have my own life without him.

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 4:42pm
1139: LiliBee says:

1131: BW

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 4:45pm
1140: Senior Lady Vibe says:

Lots of red hair on the red carpet. Viola Davis is red too.

Love her earrings.

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 4:47pm
1141: Jilly says:

awww..I feel sad…I have Bethany Ever After on in the back ground and she thinks that sex 5 times a week ..even 3 times a week is excessive!!!

I feel bad for her hubby…

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 4:56pm
1142: Butterfly wings says:

Excessive??? OMG!!! :-O

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 5:02pm
1143: Daria says:

feeling so manyworldly and powerful and amazing

mmm im learning my tools!

ohhh im feeling mad … i felt so attracted to you and now i feel kinda turned off… i dont like being asked to come to a man and i feel disappointed to be feeling turned off with a guy i felt excited about

i like when a man knows how to romance a woman and kinda knows some of the ‘rules of the game’ so to speak

i like flowers and chocolate and guys showing up on time and me beign a lil bit late and looking cute type of thing

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 5:06pm
1144: Senior Lady Vibe says:

Deja vu. Last year I posted on Rori blog about meet up dot com. A few times?

(((SLV)))

A couple of weeks ago Rori told me I had written 300 pages on the blog… that’s a lot of pages… more now.

Sweetie is telling me… “I told you so…” and laughing.
shock:

I could slap him. Hard. Except I like him a lot… and he’s right… sadly… that part anyway. The follow up is … cool…

Yay, Oscars… I need a red carpet dress for… the future.

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 5:09pm
1145: Jennifer says:

Hello ladies.
I’m gonna rant.
I’m feel sick to death of trying to online date. Cause people freak the HELL outta me!
One dude has three pics of him and his BFF. Both dudes..in one he’s face down on a bed and buddy is perched behind him..the caption reads “we are not a couple.” REALLY? Cause I think if you have to caption all your pics that way, maybe you need to re-evaluate your life dude.
I feel sick to death of being invisible to men, simultaneousness I feel totally freaked out if they try to hit on my and I can be mean with my mouth cause I think they are going to make fun of me cause SURPRISE!!! THEY DO!
Geeze some times I wish I was catholic..then I could join a convent. I just don’t think they’d welcome a neo pagan into the cloister.
Why am I bothering about this? Why am I trying? Why do I care?
Psychology dude swears I am capable of having a relationship and swears I have simply had bad luck. Bad luck to have been in a relationship where I was not referred to as beautiful or sexy one time. Bad luck to have NEVER had a man offer to buy me a drink at a bar, bad luck to have had doors shut in my face as men watch other women.
Bad luck to have had men interrupt my sentences to tell me how beautiful other women are.
I am sick to death of bad luck.
EFF YOU BAD LUCK!
I feel stubborn and arms crossed and teeth clenched.
I feel weepy and eyes hot and chest heavy.
Eff you bad luck…go away…

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 5:17pm
1146: Daria says:

feeling sad

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 6:04pm
1147: mali says:

@ Jenny- 1145:

Ohhh, I can so feel and relate to your fear and resistance… I understand it, and I know it, because I’ve been there too, and I am there sometimes still.

The key thing for you is to realise just how sexy and beautiful and lovable you are. Dancing and getting in touch with my body always helps me with this. Have you tried it?

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 6:09pm
1148: Turquoise says:

Hi sirens,

My ex called last night to sing happy birthday to our daughter just as we were about to sing and cut the cake. He sings in this really awful/funny way on purpose…. it’s his thing. So, I told him how he called at the exactly most perfect second and he was really happy about that. I gushed about how happy the girls were, how well the party was going and how pleased I felt. The happiness oozed out. No way he missed it.

He called today to see how the party went and talk to the girls, who were sleeping. There was some mischief after I’d gone to bed, so I told him that I was really glad he’d called, because I wanted to talk to him about something. I heard the bit of unease in his voice (as if he was expecting me to talk about us) but I explained what happened, what my concerns were, and we had a really open talk about the girls, our expectations, picking our battles, etc. It felt really good, authentic and as if we are a team. It felt nice to just be parents, talking about our kids, and how to handle things. I feel no urgency to speak to him about us, to suggest anything, etc. I’m seeing the distance as a good thing, because if he needs this time to think about what he wants great, and if he’s already decided he doesn’t want to be an us again, the distance if good for me to get to that point

The girls called him back to say goodnight and tell him about the party. There were a lot of laughs, and I had let him know that I’d spoken to the girls about our earlier conversation and it went well. He didn’t bring it up to them, which I liked, as I felt he trusted I’d handled it.

I did lean forward and ask if he thought he’d be up before CM’s birthday and he said he hadn’t thought about it. He had enjoyed being able to relax over the weekend. It’s hard since we don’t have a set schedule, that I can’t count on when I’ll have a free weekend…. so I’ve decided to handle this differently. In the past I’ve always tried to work around his schedule, to be open and flexible. I will still do that, but now, if there is something I want to do, or a weekend that I need/want him to have the girls I’m going to ask him in advance to please plan to be home then. The worst he can say is no, but I feel strongly he’ll try to accomodate me. I don’t make a whole lot of plans in advance so it hasn’t really been an issue… but I love summer concerts, my sister and I are planning a girls weekend to Lilydale (to see some psychic’s!) and I’m going to start planning more events for myself. Whether I’m CDing men, friends, my family, whatever, it does feel good to get it on the calendar. If he can’t commit, then I’ll ask him to pay for the babysitter, as I deserve some free time without that expense.

It feels good to take care of me, and my downtime makes me a better mom, as I need a break. I am also more than just their mother, and need to remind myself of that from time to time.

Lizka, wish I could send you some cake!

Sassy, thanks!!!

BW- I appreciate hearing your perspective, as we’ve had similar experiences.

Lillibee- Absolutely roomie!!!

Liz, it can be hard for me sometimes to not lean forward, but I’m doing so much better. I’ve really cut back on the over functioning. I LOVE knowing that!!!

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 7:15pm
1149: Turquoise says:

Lizka,

I might be totally off in suggesting this, but I do believe that Rori does address somewhere that we can give a speech about not having our needs met, not being what we want, that we deserve more, and that we are done.

I would feel very unauthentic not having a talk with ATW about his behavior. When he says soon, I’d say that feels bad to me, as I feel soon means within a few days, but that isn’t happening here.

I feel like telling you to forget it, as I want and deserve more than this. I want a relationship, and am looking for a man who can step up and be my person.

I’m sure other sirens will disagree. I’m not saying you have to tell him to never contact you or anything, but to me… allowing someone to pop in and out of your life, going weeks without seeing you, who has said he wants to date other women… I don’t know how dating this man can help your self esteem at all.

I wonder what would happen if you ever ignored his texts, for a whole day or more. To see if he would keep trying to reach you, to step up, make plans.

I’ve decided no more sex with my ex. I need the boundry in place to protect my heart from getting more attached to a man who hasn’t discussed his feelings with me, concerns, possibilities, nothing. I’m putting myself in a very precarious position based only on his actions. I’m allowing myself to get more attached. I know I love him and enjoy him. WHile it’s lovely having my needs met, and the intimacy, the conversations, the bond I feel…. it’s not enough, and I deserve to know where we stand. Even if he said he didn’t know, but that he was thinking about it…. even that would make me feel better. So, totally off my grid until he comes home. As of right now, believing I won’t see him until 3/23. Choosing to focus on me, my health and my happiness. No more texts, pics of the girls… even going to cut back on my replies to him. I’m going to create some distance of my own. I’m not playing games…. not at all. I’ll be warm and open when he calls. But, no more extra effort for him. I’m getting bored with this unknown actually. I feel ready for something more.

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 7:29pm
1150: Silver-Tongued Siren says:

1079 – ButterflyWings!
Thanks for the love. YES, I feel trapped!!! That’s a good word. I feel limited. I feel stuck. At home. With baby. I LOVE baby. I want to take him everywhere with me. But my relationships are also important. I shouldn’t have to be dating, ugh, why did I get myself into this situation! But now here I am, so .. I am doing the best I can. And yes, as baby gets older it will get easier, This is true. I guess I sometimes feel as though timing is crucial… With either relationship – with MILW or with BF. I feel like I need to CD right now while they are both still interested in me.

1080 sun goddess
“I truly believe that he wants all ties to her to diminish then and me befriending her defeats that purpose.”
Ahh. Well that feels like a good thing! Is he friends with her on fb?

1081 Lizka. Ugh, he said he’d CALL you, not text you.. wonder what this is all about..
his short texts that feel like he doesn’t really care one way or the other are driving me crazy!! I feel unwanted, I feel like he is leaning back too far and you are automatically leaning forward with thirst. … yes.. just relax, forget about him while he’s not texting/calling/seeing you. MIRROR him. Respond in messages as short (or shorter than) his, when you can. While still doing your feeling messages. … no big deal if he doesn’t call you for that long. Cause you have other men EVERYWHERE. If he doesn’t get you, someone else will be trying to. He better wake up!

1082 Jilly – “STS…you are doing so well with all of this ”
Thank you so much, I really thrive on the encouragement!

1092 Jilly/ Sun Goddess
“SG..yay!!! yes..this is so awesome for you…and maybe you could think of it as helping LP step up..in a round about sort of way..if that helps you feel better…”
I agree!! This is how I look at it as well as practice for me .. though I’m not really doing it right now, but I do practice with other men and other people in general as much as possible.

1097 Jilly- “I meant it as … it’s a way for you to feel control over your feelings..you have a plan (if he doesn’t contact me then thats it)…but that plan isn’t in alignment with you…you don’t really want to cut off all contact..in order for you to feel better about things with ATW you have to have a plan that’s in alignment with you..a plan that gives you choices and options to be authentic and to follow your heart..”

Jilly – you did such a beautiful job of explaining that!

1124- “Yes Lizka! When he’s in front of you, you are warm and inviting.
But when he’s away from you, he does not exist and you live your life as though you never met him.”

YUP.
1126 Lizka – “Well that’s why I want to walk away, I’m bored of him treating me..”

you don’t have to do anything, just GET BUSY with other people. It may cause him to step up when you’re too busy for him and he starts to wonder what you’re doing!

1141 Jilly –“ awww..I feel sad…I have Bethany Ever After on in the back ground and she thinks that sex 5 times a week ..even 3 times a week is excessive!!”
…. I like 2-3 times a week right now. ….since I had baby I did not have as much interest, since I was so tired. But I like 2-3 times a week – before baby, I was ALWAYS wanting it. Every day. And when I’m feeling good, happy, healthy, energetic, I still want it a lot. When I’m feeling safe, I feel more turned on. When I’m having sex, often I want it even more… where when I’m not I can let it go for a while.

There have been times where I have had sex MORE than once a day!!! That’s pretty high energy –

but..excessive? 3-5 times a week? 3 timees at LEAST!

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 7:33pm
1151: Starla says:

I am feeling wonderful.

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 7:54pm
1152: Starla says:

Turquoise 1149, I feel good hearing about your boundary. Have you been scripting for if/when it comes up?

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 7:56pm
1153: Turquoise says:

STS,

I believe there is a season for everything, and right now… maybe your focus should be just on you and the baby. The men in your life will step up or they won’t. I feel you deserve more than you are getting from either of them, but that it will also be hard if one steps up, the other still needs to be in your life, as you have children with both of them.

I know it’s hard because you depend on MILW financially, but the fact that he’s dating other women, has asked to borrow the car for another woman, says he can’t be sexually exclusive, feels awful to me. YOu have children together, this isn’t some high school fling. I don’t feel him taking you seriously. It reminds me of men who lead double lives and have more than one wife/family. A few days with you, a few days doing what he wants… yuck.

Have you considered not sleeping with him until he decides he wants to come home?

I’m not trying to tell you what to do or talk you into anything, but I really feel for you, and worry about your situation.

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 7:57pm
1154: Emerson says:

(((Daria)))

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 8:05pm
1155: Turquoise says:

Starla, I have actually It’s been kinda slow at work, so when I have a few min. I start writing out possible conversations I want to have, just to get some ideas.

I’m not going to say anything until he tries something, or if he’d happen to bring it up in conversation.

But what I have so far goes something like this…

C… It feels absolutely wonderful to be with you, and I feel closer, more connected than I have in a very long time. Our connection isn’t just physical to me, but emotional and intimate. I am also feeling more attached, wanting more than just sex between us. I want a relationship that isn’t behind closed doors, but open and honest and growing. What do you think?

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 8:06pm
1156: Emerson says:

I just re-read the article by Julie and I love it. It’s such a GREAT reminder that it’s okay to be a broken mess because it means re-invention. What a FREEING thought.

I’ve been going through some big transitions and it’s scary.

I got a surprise referral for a new possible job and I feel so valued and honored to be thought of!!!!

I’ve been praying literally for help for the right opportunity to come my way…and I feel scared but also hopeful.

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 8:10pm
1157: Emerson says:

I’m venturing out of my comfort zone…and trying to create a new reality and daily routine for myself feels so scary and raw…I feel so vulnerable..

New potential CD that I met online (wow that is long I need to give him a name already) has been stepping up and being very sweet…I’m leaning back big time even too much maybe,,,but not on purpose, strictly because I’ve been so busy I don’t call him back for hours or maybe even the next day. But it’s okaaayyyy…..((Emerson))

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 8:13pm
1158: Silver-Tongued Siren says:

So lets see. Wednesday Night MILW took me out to dinner, all very nice, PLANNED to spend the night, yes, everything felt good. a few disagreements this week but we handled them VERY well. IMO. I wonder how he feels about it…..

Thursday we worked on the house and yard together. Then he left later to go to work or something. Later in the evening no word from him.
He went to a “friends” birthday at a hotel and a bar. She is my “friend” too but not a very good one from what I see her doing lately, so I have moved away from that crowd.

At 4 in the morning, he texted saying “be there after I drop a couple (guy) friends off”. (he had apparently invited a girl from out of town to come out to meet him.. ..he didn’t pick her up either from what I can tell. She tagged him on FB and he commented so nice to see her and in such a humorous mood too!) … But he came home to ME!
I was still awake working on house. We went to bed. Lovely, happy!!!!! He could’ve easily gone to the apartment he’s been staying at, it’s less than 10 min drive here in the morning- but he’d rather be with me.

Friday: We had a friend coming over in the morning Friday to photograph the house at 11am. we were both up late so we slept til 10, and MILW didn’t rush out of bed, we had sex and showered and then cleaned the house.

After the friend left, I asked what he wanted for breakfast. He said he didn’t think he was going to eat breakfast here, and I know he had to go back to apt for something. So he left shortly after, to go there and then work. I called around 4:30 with a work question, and he returned call at 6:30. He was off work, at the store, getting something for his throat. He didn’t mention any evening plans or anything, just said “have a good night” implying I wouldn’t hear from him the rest of the evening.

Saturday Night:
No word until the next evening. Saturday was a day off of one job, but he did his other job all day, lots of leads! …. He never called or texted, just SHOWED up yesterday afternoon late! I had been in the shower, with my luscious body scrub. just got out and felt him in the house, as he walked around the corner holding baby in NEW SHOES!

He came in and said “I came to see baby!” and happily showed me new shoes, etc- I was very happy – they didn’t have the right size when I looked for them. Baby was happy too – held out his feet to put them on and then ran around house excitedly!

he let me in on his car accident where he backed a friend’s car into the parking garage beam the other week… he never told me about that… $500. (makes me not feel bad at all about trying to pay my car pmt $300 out of the money we make renting the house out)…

I gave him a massage, then he did some work on the computer here and then I think he had to go… ? to go do some work, he said?.. I felt pretty good, he seemed mostly open yesterday.

I had a feeling he would show up this morning but i was too sleepy to clean the kitchen, it was awful.

Sure enough, I woke up this morning at 9:30 or so, as he walked in the bedroom door. he said he didn’t mean to wake me up, but he’d been here for an hour and he had to get started on his day (get dressed etc)…I said I was so glad to see him, I felt a little scared at home alone last night (the roommate wasn’t here either). he said that’s normal. to feel scared. sometimes he feels scared at night too. I’m not sure if that was an attempt to relate or if he was irritated. I said I felt so exhausted the past two days and I felt guilty the kitchen was a mess – he agreed it was horrid, scary. open can of tuna, things everywhere. I said I had had a horrible headache last night and it was finally feeling better. he joked about if I had had enough water, and.. I said it was just my back and neck.

He told me that he had been out last night with our female friend..she is in her 40s also, always going out to bars. it bothers me that she doesn’t contact ME to go out. But she seems to be more interested in just having fun, not really hitting on him even though she’s flirty, she seems a bit motherly to me.

He said she called him up and told him to come out with her, she wanted to spoil him. They went out and I guess they were out all night.. He mentioned a restaurant and a bar that are both open late but … I just now realized that they were out ALL night – not sure where…but they must have been OUT because I think he said they didn’t come in til 7? and went back to her place where he fell asleep on the couch? (i wonder if i misunderstood the time?)… but he was here by 8:30am, or so. Came in, I reached out, he came over and lay on the bed for a sec next to me – but on his knees, so he wasn’t landing, just momentarily lighting next to me… ? then he got clothes out, got a couple pair of shoes in a bag, showered and dressed. I felt like I wanted to melt all over him and be held, I said so and landed on his lap for a moment but he repeated what I said and wasn’t receptive.. ?! didn’t even hug me. hm. (i realize i was leaning forward from the start of the morning- oops).

he did some work on the office computer and left to …do some work, supposedly. I asked (agh) what his plans were for the day.
he said to do a bit of work then head up north to friend’s bday brunch (same as bday party other night) – and then… I forgot what else. when he left he told baby he would be back..maybe tomorrow.

He just texted me.. but I will post that seperately.

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 8:14pm
1159: Emerson says:

How am I going to shape my future???
How do I formulate the next step for myself that is best for ME???
I remember what Laughing Goddess said or maybe it was FW that the Universe (as I like to call God) does not understand prayers of “I don’t want” …he understands positive prayers of what we want/need and it’s our focus.

Makes sense because if we pray for what we don’t want doesn’t that mean that we have our focus on that????

I also have my eye on another possible CD, I’ve only met him once thru some mutual friends and he is so nice

He has 2 kids and I am ok with that. He’s really cute and so my type, and my family friends know him and so he feels really SAFE…

Hmm….maybe I will pray about him
What if it came true?? Am I scared of that possibility???

(((EMERSON!!)))

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 8:18pm
1160: Emerson says:

Sending myself soo much compassion and help and love and patience right now.

Its ok Emerson that you’ve been feeling negative about work lately and it’s also ok that you’ve vented to some trusted friends about it.

I don’t want to hide or be fake and act like it’s ok to treat me unfairly.

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 8:21pm
1161: Emerson says:

(me talking to myself)
Emerson, Take a deep breath and be happy and patient with the next steps of your professional journey.

Stay positive and keep your mouth shut now. You had a chance to vent and now just be quiet. No use to keep revisiting because it makes you feel yucky after talking about it. You are giving it too much power!!!

Just be quiet, content and calm. Happy and safe. No stress level above what I need to tolerate.

I know what I need….I need an underwear/bra shopping trip! I will allow myself to spend $100 in a couple of weeks when I have time off and get some new stuff yaaayy!!!

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 8:24pm
1162: Emerson says:

OK sooo……friend of the family CD (even tho he is not officially a CD) is called SafeCD

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 8:29pm
1163: Emerson says:

I am soo hard on myself sometimes. Like I feel guilty for having negative feelings about being treated badly.

So many people tell me to “suck it up” or tolerate it or be graceful or whatever…but I have limits and I hate feeling like I am getting stepped on.

Lateley at work I’ve been feeling that way and I feel sad because I’ve give so much time and effort. But I don’t want to feel bad about it because I do want a good reference and I don’t want to put a bad vibe out there.

I want to heal this tonight in my sleep before I go to work tomorrow and feel better in the morning like all fresh and new and happy and content…

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 8:32pm
1164: Silver Moonbeam says:

#1072 FC 77

Oh is that another book? This one is called The Healing Codes.

Funny but as I got nearer to the chapter on the actual “code” I got really scared as I have supposedly moved on from the abuse from my past, my story.

But what if I haven’t really and it all comes up again?

Well I will just have to deal with it right?

And Jilly #1062 yes you are right, The Universe will take care of me.

And Brenda #1067 the author cites God numerous times in the book and says the writing of the code came through him not of his own hand but by the hand of God.

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 8:43pm
1165: Silver-Tongued Siren says:

This week has been great!

Lots of ups and breakthroughs like I mentioned last week.
I have focused on myself well, and leaned back VERY well!

MILW has been here nearly everyday this week, taken me to dinner mid week, spent the night here at home a few times. Put his energy into the yard and house (knowing we could rent it out), helped a lot with baby, etc. Brought me a couple tamales this morning from friend he was out with last night, bought new shoes for baby, a chocolate bar for me the other evening, helped me make dinner one night… yesssssss. had sex with me a handful of times!!! much improvement from before because he now feels so much more OPEN to me and makes adoring gestures – the way he touches me.

I would like him to spend wknds with me.
I would like to know how to focus on myself in such a way that it inspires him to be sexually exclusive with me.

With his daring to play about an open relationship before (… he’s been feeling unhappy, – and wanted to cheat but didn’t want it to sound bad!) .. (so if I am happy with me, and he feels like he’s making me happy, and I am happy here with me no matter what he does, …AND i get financial things in order, I hope that will inspire him!

Can someone please help me figure out what to say to this text he sent me earlier?

He is with “friends” i dont’ want to be around. (this includes girl he cheated on me with recently and friends I have backed away from due to their lying to each other, cheating on each other, sleeping with “best friends” husbands behind their back, and okaying this cheating behavior in MILW too, instead of Sending Him Home To His Family. They don’t think about how it affects our kids or me, they only think of themselves.)

8:16: Watching Oscars at (guy’s) house. I hope that one day I will feel comfortable with you to be around this crew. (I don’t feel like hanging with them anymore). I do miss you. What I worry about is that you will make me and other uncomfortable with possessiveness. We still have work to do & I appreciate your attempts to be more friendly with (girl he cheated on me with, she is awful and cruel and disgusting, and sleeps with everything, yet is manipulative, either charms or plays victim or do-gooder, pretending to be nice.).

I didn’t answer.

9:41pm: .basically I’m just thinking about you

…………. I don’t know how to answer this. I have been “making him right” and not sharing negative fm much because it seems right now that is not how to allow him to open to me. I have been focusing on feeling good when he’s with me, and being happy to let him be him when he’s not. I love when he chooses to be with me and I am happy and allow him to feel good when he does.
He is free to choose to learn as he wishes.
However, I will never accept him sleeping with others- it will *always* be wrong, but I will remain happy within myself regardless of what he’s doing, and hope to inspire him.

Ideally, he will forget all that, and feel inspired to care about being with ME- MORE than he cares about anything else.

I also intend to lose that group of people. I could put them on the back of my horse, (wayyyyyyyyyy back there).. it seems too dangerous though, with their connections to each other/the party scene. seems impossible to be always on guard to stay out of that scene. we need to surround ourselves with better friends so much that these other “friends” are crowded out. ….anyway.. so many thoughts, sorry always so long!

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 8:45pm
1166: Silver-Tongued Siren says:

It really helps me to write things out! I am feeling really glad I started writing here! I used to journal every day for years and years- since I was a kid.. but then.. things happened and I just couldn’t write anymore.. I think this is a good start to writing again!

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 8:51pm
1167: Butterfly wings says:

I have a very strong boundary around s*x and it’s this:

We are sexually exclusive. That’s it. I don’t know who he might be sleeping otherwise, and who they’re sleeping with. So he sleeps with only me or he goes and finds somebody else.

I’m not going to risk catching something from a guy just so he can sleep with whoever he wants. Ick.

And what if he passed on something like HIV??? Where would that leave my babies??

That’s the main reason why I have that boundary in place because you just never know, and leaving my children without a mother is just not an option for me.

Its funny because I often struggled to stick by my boundaries, but this one I have ZERO trouble with!

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 8:59pm
1168: Silver-Tongued Siren says:

Turquoise – 1153-

“YOu have children together, this isn’t some high school fling. I don’t feel him taking you seriously. It reminds me of men who lead double lives and have more than one wife/family. A few days with you, a few days doing what he wants… yuck.

Have you considered not sleeping with him until he decides he wants to come home? ”

Yes sometimes I think in the past he hasn’t taken me seriously enough, as he’s found himself unhappy and doesn’t know how to FIX it, and feels like he can’t do anything right, and can’t get things the way he wants them. …

I am not sure exactly what I’m doing here – I am feeling my way through it. I am right now experimenting with just inspiring him- by being happy whether he’s here or not, remaining open to him joining in the family, and when he CHOOSES to be here with us, enjoying it. Making him right, and taking care of myself in the meantime.

I feel like CDing would really help these men step up and in an indirect way that *CDing* would be focusing on baby and I – BECAUSE, baby really needs a man who is consistent and a good example in his life – ASAP. he is almost two, and very very smart and observant. I want him to have a secure life where he feels safe and loved.

I have considered not sleeping with him til he comes home (I think I just wrote about this a few minutes ago).. I just don’t know that that is helping, it seems to keep us closer if we ARE sleeping together.

It almost seems like the theme here is that he needs acceptance – in the past where I have let whatever go and not tried to control things, he has stopped doing them. Interesting.

However, he needs Inspiration more than anything. And does it ever inspire him for him to think I’m going to shut him out of our lives forever- it inspires him to think I might be having a great time with someone else! He wants to keep me.

He just wants me to look like his “picture” of his perfect partner, VERY independent, financially contributing at least half, not “holding him back” in his business due to him paying “my” expenses.. etc…

I have leaned forward wayyy too much during this rlsp. I just thought it was a safe place and leaned forward from the very beginning, I’ve had a lot to learn.

I would not sleep with him, if I thought it would help anymore – right now I am uncertain. Making him right and enjoying him when he’s here and leaning back the rest of the time certainly is inspiring him to be around me a lot more….

Things are feeling a little foggy right now, so I am just going to continue with my current approach….until more information makes itself clear ….

And please, I appreciate your input!!! Thank you so much!

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 9:05pm
1169: Jilly says:

Wow…lots of pretty dresses at the Oscars

Emerson (((hugs))) new routines and ways are good

Silver Tongued Siren……I wish you could get the Toxic program…it is not your job to be “ok” with girl he cheated on you with..it is not your job to like those people… and if he is sleeping with other women..this is not ok

I feel really triggered by it and protective of you

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 9:07pm
1170: Memulo says:

Back from watching the Oscars with SmartCD. Yay all my favorite actors won!

I was wearing boots and a short dress, so they were like an important part of my outfit. He didn’t want to make me take them off, though there is a huge white carpet in his living room.. so every time I needed to cross the room he carried me

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 9:12pm
1171: Jilly says:

Memulo…yay..what else? what else? how did you feel?

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 9:14pm
1172: Silver-Tongued Siren says:

Jilly. Yes I wish I could get all rori’s programs.

Yes I know it’s not my job to be “ok” with her – she is by no means my friend. I am loving my enemies by helping her when she needs help, praying for her, blessing her, but.. she has no place in my own life until she rights her wrongs.

I am not “ok” with MILW hanging out with her, but MILW has his own free choice. Hopefully, he will find himself inspired to care most about being with me.

It is NOT ok for him to sleep with others. he has slept with as far as I know, two people since not being home. we were tested a few months ago and need to do it again. I wasn’t sleeping with him until recently when it seemed he hadn’t really been doing anything with anyone else lately – and I thought he’d been using condoms.

I almost feel afraid to bring that up again with him since it only puts focus on THAT – and I want him focusing on ME. So, I could I suppose, make him use them with me, even though this makes me feel far from him. I am not really sure what I want to do. Like I said to Turquoise, I am just feeling my way through this right now.. doing only what feels good to me at the time.. not sure that’s going to work, I’ve been feeling quite clear, and now am feeling a little foggy again.

but what I’ve been doing seems to be making progress, and that feels good.

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 9:18pm
1173: Memulo says:

I felt great.. frankly we missed half of the show because we were talking and holding each other. He is a good person, I like him.. now I started worrying what after these conversations he will start seeing me as a friend.. though he complimented a lot too

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 9:19pm
1174: Butterfly wings says:

Memulo – ha! That’s so cute that he was carrying you!

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 9:20pm
1175: Jilly says:

STS…just feeling protective of you :/

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 9:21pm
1176: Memulo says:

BW,

I know, it took my breath away

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 9:23pm
1177: Tiffany says:

Random siren thought for the day:

You know how we’re supposed to write less to him than he writes to us? Well, it’s easy to do that, when he’s writing a lot! When he’s communicating and telling us what he thinks – sharing what’s on his mind. Then we can respond shortly and succinctly.

It’s hard when he writes one-word-responses. But I guess we just don’t have to respond to those

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 9:38pm
1178: Memulo says:

Tiffany,

Tell me about it! What if he writes one-word questions?? Referring to something discussed 3 texts ago? Or not -)

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 9:41pm
1179: Silver-Tongued Siren says:

Jilly 1175 –

Thanks for feeling protective of me. I really like the friendships we have here, looking out for each other and supporting each other! I feel worried that my assertive tone may have sounded as though I was angry or irritated, I hope not!! I have strong feelings but they are regarding the situation!

I am very thankful for all the support here!

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 9:58pm
1180: Emerson says:

Memulo and Tiffany I would not respond to a one word text or email.

I don’t reply to a lot of texts because I prefer to talk on the phone or in person.

I just talked to new potential cd I met online….what shall I name him?? We have a breakfast date this week!!!!! I feel excited. He is super sweet!!! Younger than me by a few years…I think he’s like 6 years younger. This is new for me. Not sure how I feel about it. But I know it works for one of my family friends, they are happily married after many years.

I also feel dumb because I feel I was too chatty talking to him tonite cuz I was a lil nervous.
It’s okaaayy Emerson!!

I was feeling like it was really hard for me to use feeling messages…it felt artificial and they weren’t coming to mind easily.

Hmm I do want to order one of Rori’s programs to get/stay/keep in siren mode!!

I felt a little blah tonite and in my boy energy getting things done…and I tried to switch to girl before talking to him and I feel I did in some ways but I was feeling akwardd…..and trying to act like lalalala happy and cool.

It’s ok all a learning process.

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 10:00pm
1181: Silver-Tongued Siren says:

Re the text MILW sent in 1165:

(he just sent a goodnight sweet dreams message…)….

I love to hear that I am missed and thought of. It feels even happier to be together! This wk has felt so pleasurable when we are together! I feel loved and hope you feel loved too! I respect and accept whatever you want for you. I want you to feel comfortable. You’re right, I feel protective of my relationship and my family. I like my partner to prefer to be with me and intend for Me to feel comfortable, safe & loved. I want to feel desired like an enchanting siren, or the love of a lifetime who almost got away – and he will make things right and love her devotedly and passionately for the rest of their lives. You’re right that I am very passionate about it. As well as having real, honest friends who support and respect my feelings, my relationship, my family, and that of all of our friends!

What do you all think about this response? … his message was three messages, I feel like mine’s a bit long, but what do you think about the message?

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 10:04pm
1182: Emerson says:

I feel nervous for meeting him! Any tips on how to be in siren mode and be in my girl energy and not nervous when I meet him? I feel like I need a pep talk!!!!!

Siren energy coming my way!

Lizka I feel the way you described like I want to impress him.

Feels like pressure and feel a lil bad!

I feel nervous. I still have a few days.

I don’t need to be anything but me.

I feel sad and scared for me.

Hmm why do I feel sad????
What is this bringing up for me????

Hmm I feel like I was being less than authentic because the real reasons for not wanting to do this or that (like sending pics or texting) seemed unreasonable or bitchy to me and I want to seem cool or accepted. Wrong!

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 10:06pm
1183: Emerson says:

my comment went to moderation because I used a swear word oopsies!!!! here I am reposting sans swearing.

I feel nervous for meeting him! Any tips on how to be in siren mode and be in my girl energy and not nervous when I meet him? I feel like I need a pep talk!!!!!

Siren energy coming my way!

Lizka I feel the way you described like I want to impress him.

Feels like pressure and feel a lil bad!

I feel nervous. I still have a few days.

I don’t need to be anything but me.

I feel sad and scared for me.

Hmm why do I feel sad????
What is this bringing up for me????

Hmm I feel like I was being less than authentic because the real reasons for not wanting to do this or that (like sending pics or texting) seemed unreasonable or b&tchy to me and I want to seem cool or accepted. Wrong!

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 10:08pm
1184: Emerson says:

1169 thanks Jilly

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 10:13pm
1185: Tiffany says:

Silver Moonbeam #954 – that’s good to hear!

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 10:15pm
1186: Emerson says:

783 STS
Hmm I feel perhaps you are right, singles groups I have been to were always kinda weird too. I never met a guy but met some nice women, all who seemed to be a lot like me and feeling a bit hesitant. I tried a couple of singles groups with churches a few years back and it was AKWARD…I went to quite a few too!
It sounds so bad but I’d much rather go to a BAR.

aaackkk….
Well I suppose there are no absolutes.

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 10:17pm
1187: Tiffany says:

I like “Orchid Man,” too. And I’m sure that there can be a better name for him. lol But it’s good for now. Orchids are sexy anyway…and he brought orchids to me, and vice versa, so the orchids don’t have to be “him” necessarily…

But it was so cute. He got distracted while driving, and was going too slow, and somebody honked. Then he actually stopped at a green light. He said he was more interested in talking to me than driving. lol. tehee!

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 10:19pm
1188: Emerson says:

I need your help sirens!!
I’m realizing something tonite…
I’ve been soo in my boy energy due to my need to attend to business dealings this past couple of weeks and job searching, researching, networking, organizing, negotiating, etc….I feel TIRED. And I feel very UNGIRLY. I wore a dress today. But other than that….I need to get back in girl mode.

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 10:20pm
1189: Emerson says:

1187 thats cute Tiffany!

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 10:22pm
1190: Tiffany says:

His text to me, after we hung out last night, was “Thanks, T. I had an amazing day today and I hope I get to see you again soon. Good night, sweet dreams.”

(with some smiley faces)

Awwww…. : )

I’m all smiley about that.

And then he texted me this morning, just to say good morning. You know, the good stuff. Yay

I’m still working on not being attached to the outcome. not feeling like I need to know what happens when, or how much, or in what way. And deciding that what someone else chooses to do doesn’t have anything directly to do with me.

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 10:24pm
1191: Tiffany says:

Thanks, Emerson!

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 10:25pm
1192: Emerson says:

1190 Tiffany I hear you on not being attached to the outcome! It’s hard. I guess that is where CDing comes in…and focus on other guys too.

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 10:29pm
1193: Tiffany says:

Memulo – 1178 – sounds like you’re talking about something specific that happened! lol.

Yeah, that’s tough. I guess you could find a succinct way to answer the question. Or not answer it. Or ask a question back.

Really, I think the main point of what I wrote in 1177 was the part about the guy writing a lot of stuff. Like when they feel comfortable and safe and like they WANT to express themselves. Then we don’t have to ASK them to tell us what is on their mind. They just tell us. And we don’t have to say a lot, and usually I don’t even want to when that happens.

It’s just nice. I appreciate it…:) It’s the whole “switching the flow” thing…so his stuff is “flowing” toward us, instead of us all flowing out toward him. but we don’t do the “switching” – we can just let it be that way. Or get in the way with our “stuff.”

Random. That’s just what I was thinking about…

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 10:32pm
1194: Tiffany says:

I also think I did a pretty good siren-lean-back with K this weekend. Not intentionally, exactly. As I mentioned, he was supposed to come and see me (he said) on Saturday. Then he texted me early on Saturday that he wasn’t going to make it.

That made me feel icky. But lucky for me, I already had plans for the entire day, so I wasn’t put out. I had “stuff to do.”

So I really didn’t miss anything. Still, I was bummed that he said that. I didn’t like it. So rather than getting all angry, and saying something nasty back (a la a previous post here), I just didn’t respond.

Actually, I didn’t even read the whole text message.

I just read it in its entirety now. And it wasn’t that bad. But I was tempted to respond just now. Only I don’t feel like it. It’s too late for me. I want to go to bed. So I will respond in the morning – in MY TIME.

Meanwhile, I noticed he was popping up on my FB page (which he hasn’t done in a long time). I guess I got him to notice me by NOT being cranky and blamey and making a big deal out of things. Yay!

I didn’t excuse his behavior…I just didn’t say or do anything about it. I took care of myself. And spent some reeeally nice time with a new CD

Yay. Well, good night, sirens.

Always good to be on the blog!

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 10:39pm
1195: Tiffany says:

P.s. I need some new pajama pants. Maybe one of my CDs will buy me some comfy (&/or sexy) pajamas

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 10:41pm
1196: Silver-Tongued Siren says:

okay, I changed it a bit:

I responded to his text in 1165

here is what I said:

“it feels so good to hear that I am missed and thought of. This wk has felt so pleasurable when we are together! You’re right, I feel protective and passionate about our relationship & family. I like feeling my partner prefers to have my company! Thank you.

I feel passionately about feeling comfortable and that my partner wants Me. And having real friends who are honest, kind, and support/respect my feelings, relationship and family. Thanks for acknowledging my love and kindness.

ps, “i love feeling my partner prefers my company” -bc you said you missed me. I feel wanted, enjoyed. It feels good to connect at night before bed. Suenos dulces, Cielo.

__________

1: I practiced prefacing whatever I say with a couple of good FM/compliments

2: I practiced making him right – someone posted about when a man says something that could be taken as insulting, turn it around and use it as a compliment to yourself instead! (“being possessive”) not sure how well I did, but I definitely agreed with him, and that felt better than arguing/defending!

3: I practiced expressing gratitude for what I DO like, focusing on what I DO have, opening the doors for more of what I like to flow.
(ex.1: “I like feeling my partner prefers to have my company!” – because he said he missed me. he doesn’t need to miss me, he needs to BE here. Yet I responded w/gratitude that he does indeed WANT me, DESIRE me, THINK of me!)

(ex.2: “I feel wanted/enjoyed” – “I miss you” tells me that he enjoys my company and our time together.)

Expressing gratitude for what I DO like, opens the doors for MORE of what I do like. It seems to be opening him up to me very easily.

I wish I hadn’t had to send the ps part, but he has said before he doesn’t think he is heard. It seemed like it could have been misread somehow, so I clarified.

I feel like it’s okay to say almost anything I want to, as long as I temper it with plenty of space. I can be as warm and inviting and open as I want, as long as I then lean wayyyy back.

I am getting better at this, I think. (I hope!)

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 11:45pm
1197: Silver-Tongued Siren says:

I kinda didn’t want to even respond to his text.

at first i felt angry.

but I realized, that he was reaching out to me..

and so i should be warm and open.

ugh, i feel a little icky like worried my text didn’t come out the way I really wanted, but it could be that I am just tired right now so I will look back at it tomorrow.
doesn’t matter now, anyway, does it. I just need to lean back.

I will continue to look for events and things I can do that will be ok for me to take baby to..so I can get out and do things/see people. Even if it’s not CDing, … it’s better than him thinking he can predict my schedule, or him thinking that I am just sitting at home being boring. sigh, but i like to be at home. that’s why it’s home. it’s cozy. and it’s not boring at all, to me. I always feel entertained. i also get quite a momentum going with work, and also get quite tired with baby. lol..

anyway.. glad I am taking time to write on here regularly. it really makes me have to sit down and think about how I feel.

Sunday, 26 February 2012 @ 11:57pm
1198: Emerson says:

OMG my new CD just sent me more pics…he does not look like the pics in his profile. WTF. Profile pics must be old. Ack. I feel a lil annoyed and a lil strange right now. Meh.

Monday, 27 February 2012 @ 12:03am
1199: Emerson says:

712 Daria
I have felt the same way myself about feeling akward like peoples’ husband/spouse are attracted to me and the other person feeling jealousy. I am friendly so I have to hold back some of that and rope it in, at least that is how I feel, so I don’t make waves or make ppl feel jealous or akward. I don’t like it. I’ve felt isolated and bad in the past for being the single one and peopel noticing me and getting attention. It’s confusing.

715 go DARIA….yay I like this thought and feeling of not doubting myself…I want to feel that too!!!!!!

On another note, I am not as excited about my cd this week.

I’ve been thinking about Recycled and KNOW he is bad for me and toxic. But still feel sad now and then. I don’t know any other way to deal with him but to cut him off because of my feelings for him. I kept wanting more and wanting to give more (physically and emotionally) and he’s willing to take it…and it’s not good.

I want to think about SafeCD more and more. He has my utmost curiosity right now.

Monday, 27 February 2012 @ 12:09am
1200: Emerson says:

Oh and Emerson…there are sooo many more men out there! these three you have on your mind are not the only ones ok!!!!!!

You have opportunities all the time.

Even though you are not interested, don’t forget you got hit on at the coffee shop today by a good looking older gentleman!

What a compliment and hmm I was waterwheeling today so it seems whenever I do that, something happens! It must shift my energy alot even if I’m feeling “off” in other areas!!

yay me even though Im feeling a lil blue.

Monday, 27 February 2012 @ 12:12am
1201: Emerson says:

Hee hee I’m spamming the blog writing notes to myself. Hi Emerson!

Monday, 27 February 2012 @ 12:13am
1202: mali says:

Hi Emerson!!

Your posts make me smile

Monday, 27 February 2012 @ 12:41am
1203: Sun Goddess says:

Turquoise,

Yes, he is friends with her on fb. I understand why. It would be hard to face someone daily who you declined as a friend. It will be interesting to see what he does if he actually moves.

Monday, 27 February 2012 @ 1:06am
1204: Silver Moonbeam says:

“We’re beginning now to understand things that we know in our hearts are true but we could never measure,” he says. “As we get better at understanding how little we know about the body, we begin to realize that the next big frontier … in medicine is energy medicine. It’s not the mechanistic part of the joints moving. It’s not the chemistry of our body. It’s understanding for the first time how energy influences how we feel.”

~ Dr. Mehmet Oz

Monday, 27 February 2012 @ 2:15am
1205: kelly says:

What if you have been married going on just about to make it too 2 years of marriage and your husband, you just found out had been web camming with this girl he speaks with too often and games with her as well as other men with online gaming with this girl. One time I had gotten outta bed and due to having to urinate so often because of our pregnancy we were expecting! It just so happened that I got a glimpse of a woman in her bra speaking with my husband and speaking with other men online connected to server. I didn’t want to surprise them…so I tipy toed to the bathroom and slowly walked back and kinda caught what had been said in private. (One thing that did concern me other then her being in her bra was that she was alluring my husband trying to talk about the necklace and trying yo get him to say something nice about her breast) and his excuse is was: (Calm down babe she was just uncomfortable and she was just too tired to put any clothes on and I wasn’t even starring at her tits I swear) I couldn’t understand why anyone could be too tired to put on a shirt. (He mentioned it to me that it shouldn’t bother me and I should trust the reason why.) (He just kept repeating it to me too just trust him.) (I really wanted too, especially since how and what he had said to me when he had proposed makes me think of him as a Gentle/Christian/Loving gentle 6 ft6″ Wonderful hunk of man that took care of me and my daughter who had been conceived outta non-con-sexual sex every thing had been a long haul. I shrugged it off and consoled while working on both problems in a healthy manner about it with him and with my own. That is until I really saw what was going on behind the curtains! There had been multiple messages back and fourth too girls who already knew that he and I had been married and know both of who we each are. It kinda makes me mad when a woman doesn’t always know that married men are not on the market. (Hence the fact that there is an oath to our lord and savior that we had agreed too.) (I don’t know about you, but I do not want to in the shoes of who deiced to go against God abs his sacred vows.) This adultery had been going on 2 weeks before my marriage. After we had been been back 3 weeks after our honeymoon either after or before, we discovered the wonderful news he was so excited to announce. At this point of course I didn’t know how many woman there and after, There was a point when he was hauled away for Domestic Violence toward myself while I was carrying are unborn baby girl. He gets sometimes mad when I come across some things that weren’t meant for my eyes. There were a lot of intimate things said between my husband and those other multiple woman. The list would be too long to writ. He has never once been with any one them in a physical sexual activity between him and lust after these woman. I had not found out about any of them them until he ordered to move out October,11,2011 that was then that I had found out what was done and said. What really got to me if any of them at all was the one before birth/After birth and when I stayed by our 4 month old’s side for an undesirable (STAPH) Also know as (MRSA) it is treatable with the right anti-bio-tic. But the poor dear contracted it on her labia. Her and myself spent time over at Stanford hospital. (STAPH) is usually found on everyone’s skin so worries unless you find what look’s like a spider bite or pimple…you can mostly contact it from someone who either is a carrier or from open wound back sores…..it is mainly manifested in elderly homes and hospital back in the day and I am sure they are doing everything they can that can be done about it. But do make sure to wash your hands frequently!

My husband’s so called excuse was that the hospital room made him too claustrophobic and he only visited us a couple of times, with very few visits.
Thank god for my mother and Grandmother, we were very blessed to have them/the good Staffing at Dominican Hospital…Thank you to all of them down at the postpartum Unit. Thank God of course for Jesus!! My baby and I spent 19 days in the hospital without my Husband, who I was thankful who switched both rooms for our self’s and our kids. We figured 2 girls/2 different opinions down the line….They will need the extra space… loll…My husband had been away since October 11th and we had stayed contacted through email and the phone until I found the things I’m sure he knew very well not to put those women before his children/Wife/God /and helping around the house or with the children before the video games and the other women should not be in the same way that it had been going. I am trying to love and forgive but not had been evaluated my next turn and can not wait to get a lot of my chest! I am sure this is probably one of the reason I been having screaming and yelling in my sleep. I’m hoping talking about it is going to alleviate a lot of the depression, The anger and I had been trying to communicate my feelings in a calm healthy manner, but He shrugs it off (Like no big deal) and says mean hurtful things trying to blame me for w/e the sanitation is…which I wasn’t entirely sure what I did wrong this time…though I backed off, so he didn’t feel threatened….he still choose to ignore me . Even though knowing I’m still having a bit of trust with him and the Laddies , He is still having not too bad of conversations with same ladies the bible would say he is committing adultery.

Monday, 27 February 2012 @ 2:20am
1206: Peaches says:

Wow, I don’t read the blog for half a night and only one short work day, and so much has happened! And it feels so lovely to me to read all the warmth and caring and clever sireny thoughts from you all.

I really appreciate this place, because i can always come here and learn something new, get vicarious support, feel the entire range of emotions (sometimes in just one post!) and be inspired.

Thank you all so much for being here

Monday, 27 February 2012 @ 3:30am
1207: Lizka says:

Turquoise 1149 -

Thank you. I feel really inspired.

Monday, 27 February 2012 @ 4:00am
1208: Butterfly Wings says:

Aahhh! Finally home! I went out for dinner with a friend who dropped me home. She used to work with us so popped in to say hi to TH. hehe! She left long before anything happened between TH and I so I’m not sure if he realised she knew about us. He does now!

He’s apparently had a day of good deeds, handing in a lost wallet to the police, helping a lady in a wheelchair to get her groceries into a cab, and it seems he’s about to cook some kind of apple tart thing!

We’ve not yet had a proper talk, so I suppose that will happen later tonight/tomorrow on the way to work. I suppose it’s up to me to lean back and wait until he’s ready in the meantime. I’m ok with that. No hurry.

Monday, 27 February 2012 @ 4:01am
1209: Butterfly Wings says:

So tired. I think I’ll be having an early night, although that tart is smelling delish!

Ok I can wait up for that… but THEN I am going to sleep!

Monday, 27 February 2012 @ 4:26am
1210: Turquoise says:

Thanks Lizka!! Me too. But wow is it hard to have the radio on and NOT think about him. Too many songs remind me of him, or our past. Yikes! I love my music, but may need to turn it off for awhile. It’s hard to not think about him… when I’m being reminded!

In other news, of course it’s a Monday, and I know this… because my furnace isn’t kicking on. Going to try it again, but may need to come home early today and have a repair man come to the house.

Have a great day everyone!

Monday, 27 February 2012 @ 5:05am
1211: Lizka says:

Turquoise –

Talk about hard not to think of him when music reminds you of him. At my work there’s a big fan club (women AND men!) of ATW and they talk about him every day, what he did great, the last time they went out, how funny he is, etc. I can not turn off this “radio” unfortunately… That’s hard!

Monday, 27 February 2012 @ 5:10am
1212: Francesca says:

I feel like such an intruder coming back here after a whole week.

I feel sad and out of the loop.

Monday, 27 February 2012 @ 5:16am
1213: Lizka says:

Hi ladies!!

I woke up late this morning so I was in a big rush. I read all of your messages to me and they feel really warm. I won’t have time to respond to them all because I’m already almost at work, and I want to try not to come on the blog during the day and focus on my work. When I come om the blog, of course I think of ATW and I wantto avoid it and really concentrate on my work and make some big money, maybe for a fun trip this summer.

I read all your messages to me and I feel thankful. I feel so supported here and sometimes I feel bad because I don’t have a lot of time to help you girls with your issues. I will try to catch up on that in the next days.

I hear all what you said an I tried to make a blend of all your suggestions about ATW.

My plan is I don’t have a plan. I’ll just keep busy and mirror what he does (and maybe a little less) like Turquoise suggested to me. No more being extra nice to him. If he just sent a 3 words messages, I’ll send a TWO words message! I don’t mean to play game, but I might not answer as well if I’m not happy with his too short message that means nothing.

And in the mean time, I’ll try very hard to focus on me. I’m also working on a channeling list I will. Write down in my cell phone and carry it everywhere with me.

I must say I am feeling pretty good today. I had a great night of sleep and I have a good week ahead of me!

And PS, I have a date with the cute lawyer tonight!

Monday, 27 February 2012 @ 5:21am
1214: Lizka says:

Francesca allo!! Tu vas bien? Tu m’as manqué!!

Monday, 27 February 2012 @ 5:31am
1215: Femininewoman says:

Francesca tell your NVs to shut up. Welcome back muah muah.

xoxo

Monday, 27 February 2012 @ 5:34am
1216: Francesca says:

Lizka & FW, thanks.

It’s hard for me to just come back here and tell you about my time with EC as if only one day had passed.

My NVs are telling me you won’t read or care about what I did.

I feel as though I need to go slowly.

Monday, 27 February 2012 @ 5:42am
1217: Femininewoman says:

Francescam would you just stop.

You are a child of the Universe no less than the trees and the stars. You have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the Universe is unfolding as it should.

Monday, 27 February 2012 @ 5:49am
1218: Iamabutterfly says:

I feel so sad this morning. Does anyone else feel like sadness is more acute first thing in the morning? My dear friend in the military, who I’ve known for nine years and means the world to me, is going back overseas. I saw him for the last time last night. I didn’t feel really sad about it until this morning, though…it all just felt so rushed…:(

Monday, 27 February 2012 @ 5:49am
1219: Francesca says:

I’m getting the meaning of “back to life, back to reality” now.

Monday, 27 February 2012 @ 5:49am
1220: Francesca says:

You’re right, FW, I got to change my vibe.

I hate feeling as though I’m not as important as everyone else here.

It doesn’t have to be that way.

Monday, 27 February 2012 @ 5:52am
1221: Mochaberri says:

Morning Sirens!! happy Monday

@ STS #1165 – you wrote: 9:41pm: .basically I’m just thinking about you

…………. I don’t know how to answer this. I have been “making him right” and not sharing negative fm much because it seems right now that is not how to allow him to open to me.

I’m feeling curious on what you mean by you have been making him right?

Monday, 27 February 2012 @ 5:53am
1222: Francesca says:

((((iamabutterfly))))

Yes, I know how you’re feeling.

Monday, 27 February 2012 @ 5:53am
1223: Francesca says:

I got to get moving or I’ll be late for work.

I’ll talk to you later, ladies.

Monday, 27 February 2012 @ 5:56am
1224: Silver Moonbeam says:

Hi Francesca

Bye Francesca

Monday, 27 February 2012 @ 6:10am
1225: Starla says:

1221 Francesca, me tooooo, let’s have awesome days

Monday, 27 February 2012 @ 6:39am
1226: Brenda says:

Sunshine,

RE: #789 – I revisited your post, now that my mind is more clear. Yes, I tend to get an adrenaline rush out of the challenge of a complicated man. And some of it is healthy stimulation, and some is toxic anxiety that feels familiar from childhood. So yes, I am working to heal this.

I want an intelligent man who challenges my intellect. But I don’t want an intelligent man who uses his intellect to leverage power over me. And I think that’s what’s been happening with Ryan. I think a lot of my struggle is trying to resist the toxic part, trying to be on guard about it, both in him and in me.

I want a healthy relationship that is full of love, respect, trust, and deeply honest communication.

Monday, 27 February 2012 @ 6:44am
1227: Brenda says:

SLV,

How was your night with Sweetie? Every time I woke up last night, Tarzan was gently caressing me and whispering how much he loves me!

This morning we had iced coffee together and coconut nutrition bars. Today we’re going to start rearranging the house! We decided that since we spend most of our time in the living room, we are going to be nontraditional and move our bedroom and office into the living room, since we use our bed and our desk/computer most often.

Then we are going to put the guest room/storage room where our bedroom used to be. And we are moving the “living room” to the back bedroom. This will work well, since the main time we use our living room furniture is when we have company, which isn’t very often. So that matches with how often we use the back bedroom – not very often. And it matches because it is a small room and not really suited for a bedroom, especially because it is the only path to the bathroom, so it is not private and doesn’t even have a door.

It’s going to be a lot of work, so I’m glad Tarzan will be here to help me move everything (**Sigh!**)

Monday, 27 February 2012 @ 6:49am
1228: Brenda says:

(((Francesca))),

You have a beautiful name, and you are most welcome here. Yes, it IS your NVs telling you we don’t care, because we do!

I myself have had a love/hate relationship with this blog. I have been posting almost two years (as of April), and many, many times I have considered leaving. Dominique is the main reason I haven’t. She talked me thru my feelings of rejection, etc, and encouraged me to do what was good for me and seek my healing and not worry what everyone else thought.

Rori encourages us to use this space as a personal growth journal! So it helps me to think of it that way, like I am just writing in my journal, and it doesn’t really matter if anyone reads it or not. But I find the more I post, the more I am HELPED. Because these beautiful women have open hearts and have offered me so much!

So I keep coming back! It got to the point where I was finding FAR more solid help and growth here than from my own therapist! Going to her once a week felt like lightweight stuff, because how much can I cover in one hour a week?

These women have become like a safe place for me to go any time of the day or night! Even tho I feel sad that most of you are long distance, it feels really cool to have real friends all over the world! You all are a wealth of information and compassion! It’s cool that we are learning and growing together. The more I get into having the relationship I want, the more I get into personal inner healing and finding health and balance in my life as a whole.

Francesca, maybe this feels weird to you to post in a public place? New things often feel a little awkward at first…thus why I questioned using the blog over and over. Now I just write freely, praying that nothing ever comes back to bite me. It is a pretty vulnerable thing, after all. But for me, the good far outweighs the risk of bad.

Love, Brenda

Monday, 27 February 2012 @ 6:59am
1229: Brenda says:

(((Iamabutterfly))),

I often feel sadness at night…that’s when my loneliness hits the hardest. That’s when I think of going to bed alone yet another night, and many nights, it feels unbearable.

Right now, where is the sadness coming from? How do you feel in your tummy? How do you feel in your shoulders? How do you feel in your butt? Who are you thinking of?

Monday, 27 February 2012 @ 7:01am
1230: Butterfly wings says:

It looks like TH has moved to the back of my horse.

He says he thinks I’m being unreasonable because his friends are just friends – even the female ones and I just have to deal with it.

So it went from him saying he’ll come and get all of his stuff this weekend to he’ll be staying at his house a few nights a week from now on.

I have made it clear that I will now start going out with my male friends since I’ve been turning them down for months now.

He didn’t seem too happy but has agreed to not give me a hard time about it from now on.

I know this seems stupid but I’m more upset because I’m pretty sure I’m going to get snapped up by someone else because of this. He is going to lose me.

And I’ve already started grieving…

It’s after 1am do will catch up tomorrow.

Thanks for listening. xxx

Monday, 27 February 2012 @ 7:06am
1231: mali says:

Aww Iamabutterfly… HUGS!

For me, it’s worst at night. In the morning, I feel alive, and look forward to the day… It’s at night that I want to be held and hugged <3

I understand your sadness, though…. sending you love!

Monday, 27 February 2012 @ 7:06am
1232: Brenda says:

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about my fear. I am going over and over why I ended my friendship with Ryan, and he is hurt and angry, and wondering if it was founded or if it was fear with no basis?

I got unnerved after one of our best dates ever followed by almost a week of silence, right over Valentine’s Day. I think I would have been half okay if it hadn’t been Valentine’s Day. But what his total pattern has been is every time we connect and I feel so joyous, I can COUNT ON him dropping me.

After 3 years of off and on with him, I actually feel fear creeping up in me when I feel joy. And it started while I was driving him home (he doesn’t have his own car). He said, “Are you happy?”

“Yes, I’m very happy!” And it was at that moment the fear started to set in. Inside, I was thinking, “Oh, no! That’s his signal to back off. Oh no, now it’s going to be days until I hear from him. I can’t keep going thru this! It’s tearing me apart!”

I had decided about a month ago, after I felt neglected by him over my birthday, and led on by our romantic talk the day before my birthday, that I would give him until Valentine’s Day to make a move. After our fantastic date on Feb 11-12, Fri-Sat, I thot he was perfectly set up to make Valentine’s Day special. OR, if he wasn’t ready to commit, he could at the very least text me “Happy Valentine’s Day”, and I would be ok with it.

As you already know after it was broadcasted, I cried myself to sleep on Valentine’s night. The next morning, he texted a simple, “How are you doing?” and “Are you going to church tonight?” That’s it. It felt like just enough to test the waters and see if I was upset, since he seems to take delight in upsetting me.

After that, my fear of being hurt took full rein, and I ended it that Saturday, Feb 18th.

And now I’m second guessing myself. Was something “off” in actuality?? Or was it just unfounded fear from 2009? Is this a toxic relationship? If so, what demonstrates that?

Monday, 27 February 2012 @ 7:16am
1233: Butterfly wings says:

D (dude I have no interest in whatsoever) just messaged me “Goodnight sweetheart! xxxxxxxxxxx”.

He has no idea how much I needed that.

Monday, 27 February 2012 @ 7:19am
1234: Brenda says:

A new thread is up.

Monday, 27 February 2012 @ 7:30am
1235: Senior Lady Vibe says:

@1203: Silver Moonbeam says:
“…’“As we get better at understanding how little we know about the body, we begin to realize that the next big frontier … in medicine is energy medicine.’….~ Dr. Mehmet Oz”

You’ve been flirting with my man Mehmet! LOL

@1215: Femininewoman says:
“…’You are a child of the Universe no less than the trees and the stars’…”

You’ve been flirting with Max Ehrmann!

I love those guys…

SLV
xoxo

Monday, 27 February 2012 @ 8:55am
1236: Siren Angel says:

RORI’S MIRROR PROP
Modern Siren Disc 5 section 4
Not a tool but a prop. Says to carry a small compact mirror so our vision of ourself does not get distorted.

Monday, 27 February 2012 @ 9:32am
1237: Femininewoman says:

Siren Angel I have a pic of myself on my phone. I noticed yesterday that a woman who I find to be very feminine does the same too. I have know her for years and this is the first time I noticed this.

Monday, 27 February 2012 @ 9:39am
1238: Silver-Tongued Siren says:

1219 mochaberri
@ STS #1165 – you wrote: 9:41pm: .basically I’m just thinking about you
…………. I don’t know how to answer this. I have been “making him right” and not sharing negative fm much because it seems right now that is not how to allow him to open to me.
I’m feeling curious on what you mean by you have been making him right?

Making him right.. as in not making him WRONG so much. What he does is not “wrong”, I just don’t necessarily feel good about it. However, I have had a hard time implementing feeling messages with MILW. In the beginning he took it as being “manipulative” – however he also saw my crying as manipulative, or anything else I did. He is a very socially smart person, and some people ARE that way, but I am the most genuine person you’ll ever meet, honestly is important to me and I would vomit before I gave someone a compliment I didn’t mean. If there is something that gets my blood boiling it is someone not believing I’m telling the truth. Or, someone not telling the truth to me!
I have had better success with the feeling messages now –
But.. MILW and I have not had the best time for a while now, and it has escalated to very upsetting communications.. where I ended up crying more often than not, and he wanted out. I was VERY upset at first, but then I realized that as much as I don’t like the feeling of taking so many steps back, I can just start where we are right now, and be grateful for the time he CHOOSES to spend with me, and the things about him that I DO like –
You get more of whatever you focus your energy on – even if it’s what you don’t want, you’re still giving it energy by saying ‘no’… so instead of point out what feels bad to me all the time (because A LOT of things were feeling awful), I decided to let some of it go. I still do say “it’s great to see you – I felt sad /scared last night at home without you” etc, or in a conversation if he really snaps at me or something I will say “that felt bad” or “I felt bad because I didn’t know you didn’t want baby to play with that, and now I feel like you’re upset with me, I need a hug”.. etc.
BUT, for the most part, I work at sharing positive feeling messages instead – what I want more of. Trying to make the ratio far more positive than negative feeling messages. Also if you have ever heard of the 20:1 ratio, you want 20 “good” interactions for every 1 “bad” one.
So ..positive messages: I really appreciate you watching the baby, he feels so happy when you’re home, it helped so much that you could be with him while I was working, ohhh your dada is taking care of you buying you new shoes!!, (when he’s standing there), It feels GREAT to not have to cook and clean up tonight, I was so exhausted already, and I feel so satisfied, the food is so good (when he takes me out to eat), the house feels SO clean, it feels wonderful!!!! (especially since he helped with it this time!! ) … last night I looked at him with a smirk, thinking about practicing turning on my sexual goddess self, I almost felt self conscious and stopped but instead I stopped thinking about anything, except what I wanted to focus on…he noticed, and he asked me, “what?!???” I said…………..nothing..!! … I just love your lips!! And he smiled!!!! “what, these dry old things”?? lol

So, Making Him Right,
By way of not making him wrong for what I don’t like so much, (using negative feeling messages more often for things that are important or that are bothering me a lot — OR, if sharing it would make a very minimal impact- because it was very minor.) …
Instead giving him gratitude for what he does that I LOVE! And hopefully the other things will fall into place.
I’ve been thinking about negative feeling messages, and sharing them only when I must – thinking about how when you SEE the words “sad, angry, etc – it can put you in a bad mood – … same when you hear these words. So instead I’d like to use more positive messages.
Also, Making Him Right by….not arguing with him.
When he says “I should leave/hang up” I say “Ok!”
When a while back he was upset that I wanted him to drive to pick baby and I up for dinner (which.. is normal….)…and he said “Fine! Maybe we should just do this another time!” I didn’t argue with him, I said “Okay! Bye!” and hung up! (and he called me back. <3
When he was sharing his feelings, (this is new!!!!!!!) he called me “possessive” the other day… ?! .. I didn’t argue, I didn’t even share a feeling message, I just told him he’s right – I do feel protective of my relationship and my family. If that’s what he calls possessive, he’s right, and I agree- and I don’t feel bad about it one bit – I feel good about it. lol. If he had a “possessive” woman, he’d be in a whole other boat… lol. And since I just agreed, there wasn’t anything to argue about….. not that he was trying to start an argument, but..in the past it could’ve turned into one – often when I find myself having to “defend” myself, it somehow gets turned into an argument. Not anymore!
Another thing that came up – was when he noticed how much appreciation I was giving him – he said it felt good, and that he felt like he couldn’t do anything right!!!! …
I’m just feeling my way through all this, but whatever it is that I’m doing, it’s working!
Basically I’m just mirroring him, agreeing with him, even if I don’t like it, it doesn’t mean he’s wrong, it just means I don’t like it, but I’m gonna keep on riding and he can stay on my horse and come along for the ride if he wants to!

I hope you are able to glean some info from this, as it's morning and my mind is still not very clear!!!!

Tuesday, 28 February 2012 @ 9:02am
1239: Silver-Tongued Siren says:

1125 Brenda –
WHO IS TARZAN??? All of a sudden I saw your post talking about “our furniture” etc.. is this in your house or his? I must have seriously missed something, because I always read your messages talking about Kenny and Ryan, but suddenly there’s a Tarzan in your house moving your furniture around. lol!

1126 Brenda – Rori encourages us to use this space as a personal growth journal! So it helps me to think of it that way, like I am just writing in my journal, and it doesn’t really matter if anyone reads it or not.”””

Yes, same here. It helps me to process it and think it through.

“Going to her once a week felt like lightweight stuff, because how much can I cover in one hour a week? These women have become like a safe place for me to go any time of the day or night! “

I agree! <3

“Now I just write freely, praying that nothing ever comes back to bite me. It is a pretty vulnerable thing, after all”

lol same here….

Tuesday, 28 February 2012 @ 9:03am
1240: Silver-Tongued Siren says:

1228 Butterfly Wings
“”””He says he thinks I’m being unreasonable because his friends are just friends – even the female ones and I just have to deal with it.
So it went from him saying he’ll come and get all of his stuff this weekend to he’ll be staying at his house a few nights a week from now on.
I have made it clear that I will now start going out with my male friends since I’ve been turning them down for months now. “””

Hmm. L
I may have missed some posts. You feel uncomfortable with his female friends… what is making you uncomfortable? Is he going out with them without you? Are they friends with you? Do they seem only interested in him? Or interested in him as more than friends? Do they flirt? Is he hiding his communication with them?

I would feel uncomfortable too if they never invited me..

Tuesday, 28 February 2012 @ 9:03am
1241: Jessica Alvarado says:

Tittle: Frenemy

This emotional rollercoaster the he put me through destroy my love spirit. When he walk away knowing I was sick & carrying a wound. It has been one of hardest thing I ever experience in my life. I thought me & him were one. Our favorite saying “You me and Us” But I was wrong and on Denial. I trust,never lie, Loyal, honest, faithful and always believe in him. He claim he did not love me anymore & the he stop loving me and never said anything just because his “ego”was to hurt silently as they hurt him in the past. I felt betrayed as a friend and as a partner. After learning the truth I had a hard time accepting he Never Value my Persona neither the Relantioship. But what still hurts Deep inside my heart is to accept the I never knew this monster who was always next to me. By jessica Alvarado

Tuesday, 20 March 2012 @ 7:20pm

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If You’re Feeling Broken – This Is For You

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