Here’s a letter from Angela, that feels totally “universal” to me.
Every day of my own life I ask the same questions about “what voice do I listen to” – and I tell myself the same answer I’m giving you here…
“Rori, I stumbled upon your website. and so much of your work and philosophy makes sense. I struggle with low self esteem and getting involved( in my head) with unavailable men. Anyway I recently bought your book and I am practicing the tools. I love how simple they are and what is working for me is accepting the nasty voice living with it but not letting it dictate my life. That said I wanted to ask you what is the best way to move on from an imaginary relationship? Besides of course knowing its imaginary. And by imaginary you mean when the man is not coming to you right?
I have a hard time allowing men to come to me. What is the balance? Of allowing a man to come to me and just completely being unavailable to men? And also -i know its a lot of questions – going back to the nasty voice- when it tells me I am broken and need fixing and to not get involved with men just yet (because I am needy obsessive and wont know how to deal with a relationship)- is it right, is it the nasty voice or is it based on reality? Or might it be just a form of protecting myself from relationships? Blessings – Angela”
Angela, Welcome, and I’m so glad you have the new ebook and are starting with loving the Nasty Voice.
Here’s the simple “rule”:
There are lots of parts of ourselves with lots of different voices, and some of them sound hateful and scream at us and tell us we’re horrible – and the way to integrate them all into the one “you” in a most efficient, big-hearted and successful way is just to LOVE them all.
Don’t try to figure out if you’re getting a good warning or a fake one – because to these parts – ALL warnings are real and good!
All these parts of ourselves are trying to HELP – even if it doesn’t seem like it at the time.
If you can practice “dating” enough (Targeting Mr. Right is the program…), you’ll start to get “hip” to your inner “programming” and habits…and start to find joy in sorting through them, and instead of trying to figure things out – just see how you FEEL with different scenarios.
Trying to know what to do and what to say and how to behave is exhausting.
Much better is to practice trusting yourself by practicing Tools and seeing how things feel – instead of being glued to outcomes…